South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-06-30

IVA down East editor says The Ia
dies spring hats are pretty, and worn
on the upper edge of the left ear. which
makes one look arch and piquant, like q
chicken looking through crack in the
fence. >-
vIt was a sweet household picture
She was red in the face and scolding a
hurricane; his nose was bleeding where
the rolling pin struck him, and he was
swearing cataract; the children were
crying. Over the door hung the motto,
God bless our home," there was a chro.
mo representing faith, hope and charity
over the mantel, and plaster bust OF
peace on the bookcase.
tF'"My onthankful hearers said
backwoods preacher, ''you air like onto
hogs eatin' acorns. They never look up
TO see where the acorns come from"
DuTCHMAN lately attended the law
court in Boston, to get excused from the
jury box. II can't understand goot Eng.
lese," he said. what did lie saw"
asked the judge. Il can't understand
goot Englese," repeated the Dutchman
Take your seat" cried the Judge?
that's no excuse you need not be
alarmed. rs you are not likely to hear
any
An uptown base player has at.
tanned such proficiency that he can catch
anything now, he says-cxcept small
pox.-Er"hange. Perhaps he has been
waxinated side the head with bat.
Richmond Inquirer.
SA wit was dreadfully bored by n
stupid fellow who persisted in talking
10 him on natural history. There's the
oyster" Mt last said the bore; what's
your notion as TO the idea that the oys.
ter is possessed Of reason?" IL think it
may be true" said the wit, .'because the
oyster knows enough to shut its mouth"
G0 Tho Boston Journal says The
little grandson of one Of our best known
citizens bought toy balloon the other
day with silver quarter. After he had
played with it n little while the string
broke, and it rose rapidly toward the
sky. The little fellow was greatly vcx.
cd Mt his loss, and all efforts to calm his
mind were given over rs futile. when he
explained that it was not the loss of his
balloon which vexcd him. but the thought
that 1T had cost him twenty cents &
God was going to get it for nothing"
Teacher: "What is the definition of
flirtation?" Intelligent young pupil
at is attention without intention"
Iva School hoy says that when his
teacher attempts to show him what is
what" he only finds ont which is switch. |
t-V Jones sat down in his dining.room
Mt peace with all the world, ard said :
Now, Hannah bring the cold mutton. !
No hot meat for me this weather" Han. /
nah hcsitated for moment and then
said: but I done gone give il AWAY. /
air" "Give it away Give nv din.
ner away I" ayes, sir you said if any
tramps called | was TO give them the
cold shoulder
10 An old Baptist minister enforced
the necessities of difference of opinion
by argument: Now, if everybody had
been of my opinion they would nil have
wanted my old woman One Of the
deacons who sat just behind him respon.
ded: "Ies, and if everybody was Of
my opinion nobody would have her"
tV This is the season when. rs thcv
fondly linger Mt the gate, he says in tones
tremulous with the ccstacy Of love.
Darling, my own precious darling one
fond kiss before we part - and n sharp
hn 81
out, Sarah Jane, You march into the
house. "To-morrer is washn' day, and
You amt gon' to lay abcd till noon.
now / tell you
i;g The flies are learned ut Cupepcr
Court House. The Times SAYS they
gather Mt the sound Of the dinner.bcll.
10 "Sirc, one word" said soldier
one day to Frederick the Great. when /
to him n request for the bre
yet OF lieutenant. IF YOU say two"
answered the king 81 will have Won
hanged" Sign" replied the soldier. $
The king stared, whistled and signed.
y Sab, did you take inc for sar
iine?" said sable orator at al exciting
political meeting. mo" was tho re.
ply, Us always guard you as fresh !
Tater-minnow, dat wasn't wur pickn'. =
~ In Bath England Abbey is TO bc
seen the following:
Here lies Ann Mann, ii
She lived m old maid and died an old II
Mann r
y a man coming homo ono night 7
ather late, little moro than "halrseas.
'ver. feeling thirsty, procured glass
IF water and drank It, In doing 40 he
'waliowed small ball Of silk that lay
n the bottom Of tho tumbler the end Of
no thread catching in his teeth Feel. +
rs something in his mouth. and not y
ruowino what - ,yog - - =, /