The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-09-23
VARIETY.

Silver money may be felt in the dark. III
same may be said of the hind leg Of a mule.
= Mark Twain says: 1t is q blessed thing
4 live in a land of plenty, if you have plenty
land
Sioux squaws do not wear striped stockings
Three streaks green PAINT are cooler and cheaper
Though there arc few forlorn maidens at tn
Summer resorts this season, all the ladies seen
to be for lawn.
Mono of us are safe. We learn from tn
Chicago Times that Dubuque mule recent,
died of sunstroke.
A wag, noted for his breyity, writes to
friend TO be careful In the selection of his diet
He says, don't eat Q cumbers they'll W-up.
A young man in Jersey City was urged to mar
ry, but he replied, Il don't see it. My father
was a single man, and he always got along well
enough
base ball club is to be organized at Troy,
composed entirely of old base ball players who
have been manned by playing the game. The
club will DC appropriately called the Old-limpics.
You must cultivate decision of character, and
learn TO cay No. said father to his son. Soon
aiterward, when the father told the son to chop
wood, the boy said NO with an emphasis that
showed remembrauce'of the lesson.
When 20O-pounds darkey woman throws her.
self into the Centennial rolling chair and pays
QFcE
that settles over the gentlemanly white atten-
dants ACE can be felt from one end of the ground
to the other.
A man in Iowa was bitten by "A rattle snake,
but the liberal use OF neighbor' s whiskey cured
him. The next day he was seen walking slowly
on the prairie, and looking earnestly for some
thing. He was asked what he was looking for,
For the bite of snake was the reply.
Fancy the horror of man when the new pho
~a,,b apAo xusfo a1rf
through the lodge rOom with the family cry. You
old brute come straight home or that frUnt door
will be be bolted l'-Netc York Commercial 4d-
ueTtissr.
Two young men out riding were passing a
farmhouse where farmer was trying TO harness
an obstinate mule. won't he draw? said one
OF the men. 'Of course said the farmer, he'll
draw the attention OF every fool that passes this
way The young men drove OF.
A little squint-eyed Chicago boy pranced up to
his mother one day and said, Ma haln't been
real good since 1 begun goin' to Sunday school?'
Yes, my lamp answered the maternal fondiy. |
'And you trust me now, don't you, ma? Yes, |
darling, she replied again. 'Then" spoke up |
the little innocent, what makes you keep the |
cookies locked up in the pantry the same as /
everl
daughter, paused in the japanese section before
an ancient vase Of very especially horrible
design, but exquisite finish, and after critically
examining it for long time, spoke up, needless
OF the fact that his daughters eyes were fixed
upon a high-toned japanese who posing for
admiration. Fully six hundred years old if a
day, my dear. 1t is wonderful how well pre-
served they are"
" Law mel" she answered, ''I should not
have taken him to be over thirty"
A STRONG OBJEcrIoS.-" Are you satisfied with
the Jury, gentlemen?'' said Judge Noonan this
raffa he iuru had iad
awe are,'' said the lawyers in chorus.
tall, gaunt figure rose up solemnly in the
Jury box and said impressiyely, /" But l am not''
whats your objection, Mr.. Snooks?" inqnir-
ID His Honor, blandly.
"This young man on my right Your Honor,
has been eating onions"
'Objection overruled; go on with the case,"
observed Judge Noonan, with significant glance
It the sheriff, and the tall man sat down resign
,dly and held white handkerchief to his nose as
kind OF signal of distress.
HIS WAR REccRD.-A touching incident is re-
ported from Chattanooga. An utter stranger
,aIled on respectable farmer last week and
.sked him If his house had not been robbed dur
ng the war. The farmer replied that is bad.
- said the stranger, 90 was one of maraud-
ng party that did it, took little silver
ocket.' s That locket,' said the farmer, IS had
,een worn by my dear dead child" IS Here it
3, replied the stranger, yisibly affected. 81
IN rich. Let me make restitution. Here is $50
or your little son. He gave the farmer $50 7
,Ill, and received $50 in change. He then
grung the farmers hand warmly and left The
armer has since dried his tears and loaded his
hot-gun. The $50 bill was bad one.
On election day in Novembaire
Arise and dress yourself with care;
DON s'biled shirt" aud comb your haire;
Go to the polls and stay right thaire
Scan each voter with gentle cairo;
Don't let him scratch from the small papaire
cir nrlo Y7arn hot may hai
See that it has each electaire
That votes for Hayes and Bill Wheelaire;
Be sure the man, if q foreignaire,
Has his citizenship papaire;
And ifyou doubt just make him swaire 4
He's right to vote at that poll thair
See the votes counted fair and square;
Go TO bed early-go sobaire,
And in the morning your papaire
VIII tell whose won-Aayes and Wheelaire.