Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-01-22

He Carl I'd nv satchel to school
And mr through the drills carried 100,
Nit + think why he Rugged me SO closely?
III couldn't, how could l?-couiu YOU
A, ev, he tied under my him
NV hood, with its ribbons SO blue;
WIN he gIzed in my face could L ten
III eonidn't, how could I?-couid you?
H.. told me myeves were quite black,
And the blacklist OF any he knew; :,
Ibiushrd and looked dOwn-could iheip u
III q ,mldn't. how could I?-could YOU?
He left on my cheek a warm kiss, ,,ar.
Then oil with the lightning 3 speea heM'
ri rnuld Fd have sc0lded him soundly;
III eoulin't, how could I?-eou'o Sou'
,Tyr,s long wears ago: and since then
uehas spoken woI DIS loving andtrue;
Ami now i lean close as hi wife, -..o
10 his breast. Can help lt2-eouiS som'
sWhv is the job-stone like a g%reenhorn!
Because it IS often imposed upon.
Why is the type of an unfinished article
like old cheese? Because it's v matter
WHY is Il Judges nose like the MD
die of the earth? Becauselts the scent
er OF gravity. ~
AeMoutreal physician, asking tor the
renewal of a note, writes: w aie -
y horrible crisis: there is not 4 SICK mal
in the district"
SsLouisa Alcott used to feel that II was
=, mistake that she was born a girl, DC,
cause she did not like the girls ana alo
like BOYS. What a mistake!
Franklin used to urge business men 10
advertise, but if a merchant prefers play
inc checkers and sitting with his feet Oh
tbe counter, it's his OWE business.
A man can fully appreciate the terrors
of winter when he awakes near mornih
and finds the bed clothes on the hoof'
and himselfengaged in a gigantic stf"g-
ole to crawl up under his shirt.
The young French ladies 10 MOI IN
= mariners. When they tall, however,
they are permitted tomention the Freneh
for .ouch, in the presence OF a gentle
man.
The last words of the San Jose (Cai.)
.drortiser were: 1--WE entered the
.ionrnalistic field on a business PROPOSE
ton: and on the same proposltlon, we
know when it is time to die, ana we afe
dead"
Richelieu,s remark, .sthereis no such
word as fail, "a should be modified to meet
he present unpleasant times SOFAS 10
state about how many cents Will De paio
on the dollar. --..#E..
Santa Claus didn't find Susan Il.
Anthony's stocking this year. Last
Christmas he ripped the leg OF the one
she hung up by trying to push a stick OF
candy into it, and she concluded not to
hang mp one this time.
Al FTankHn (Pa.) congregation an
nounced its intentionto add S200-to the
pastors salary for each child born IN his
family during his ministratlons there.
The result was-twins, and the society
has rescinded its resolution.
Scene in the cars: A candy boy pass,
ing through a a meets a cross oio
gentleman; and says, 'Pop corn! pop
cornw' .sHain't got any teeth" ansr1iy
replies the man. "Gum drops! gum
drops?" calls the smart boy.
Some day in the distant future the
little niger in the barber shop VINO
silently holds out his hand for ten cents
for striking a mans nose with his brush
will be laid away to rest. and catnlp
planted to hide the spot.-[Detroit Free
Press.
COMPLIANT has been made against
seyeraimilk men in Virginia City, be,
cause an occasional crawish has been
! found in the bottom of milk pitchers
| Do the Comstockers expect the dairy
men to furnish them trout and salmon !
-TSan Francisce Bulletin.
yeung man out on the plains, a few
DAYS ago. fastened his larlat around his
body and lassoed a buffalo bull. The
buffalo ran away with the youngman. and
now they are having aprotracted funeral
of. that youth. burying him in sardine
boxes as fast as they find enough OF him
to fill one.
A gentleman called IN the late Mr..
Astor to solicit 4 donation for a charlt-
able purpose. He gave So. "Why.
Mr.. Astor,n said the solicitor, chow is ii
YOU give so little? Your son John Jacob
gave us $780," "Well," replied the
old man, he could afford it. He has a
rich father and 1 havn't.
Children" said a country minister,
addressing a Sunday school, why are
we like flowers? What do we have that
the flowers have?" And 4 small boy in
the infant class, whose breath .melled
of vermifuge, rose up and made reply,
s.Worms," and the minister crept under
the pulpit chair to hide his emotion.
Not long ago anemment and facetious
lawyer was present duringthe rehearsal
of sMacbeth." In the scene where Muc-
beth Questions the witches in the cavern,
"What is't you do?" they answer, "a
deed without a name" The phrase
struck the sagacious lawyer, and he
Immediately remarked to a friend, "a
deed without a name? Why, it's void
He had made a hearty meal at a res.
taurant, and, rising up, he said to the
cashier: 81 declare, if haven't forgot.
ten my wallet" The cashier fired up,
and hurled big words at him for full
three minutes before pausing for breath,
When a chance came the stranger con.
tinued :-s.But 1 have fifty dollars here
inmyvestpocket." The cashier couldn'
smile to save his life.
A Syrian convert to Christianity was
urged by his employer to work on Sun
day, but he declined. "But," said the
master, ssdoth not our Bible say if {
man has an OK OF an ass that falls into :
pit on the Sabbath day he may pull hin
out 2" eyes," answered Haydn, but i
the ass has a habit of falling into til,
same pit every Sabbath day, then thu
man should either fill up the pit OF sci
e. the ass"
The Binghampton Republican is re
sponsible for the following: During
recent examination of a class of young
sters in one of the Chemung count,
schools, the teacher asked: what is
monarchy % and was Immediately an
swered by a bright little eight-year-ol'
boy: "A country governed by a king.
Who would rule if the king should die:
The queen.' sAnd if the queen shout,
die, who then would be ruler?' 'Th
jack.'n
Detroit husbands and wives some
times-once in a great many years
have disputes. The other day when
Beech street couple were holding a
angry argument the husband raised hi
hands and exclaimed: "Oh! Consist
ency, thou art a jewell" The vile .
once broke down, and as she sobbed sh
gasped out: ssYou saw her at the oper;
l suppose, but if she had to split woot
wash dishes and take care of six chi.
dren she wouldn't look any better'n
do-hoo!",[Free Press.
-
Mr.. Blaine took occasion in his speec
on Monday to indulge in a coarse film
ut the Catholic church. which will NJ
materially improve his position as
candidate. He said, referring to I'll
testimony of the Rev. w. j. Hamilto
about the sufferings at Andersonville:
He is Il Southern man and a Democrat and