, 1876-11-19

WHICH, Lie k0p6 0l &l&E{f FREElB Will VHAA9 ~
their superior sWiftness, have got so far alieat
OF the lower portions that the vehicle VII
smash up and break down. Happily, the astutf
editor has suggested o preventive measure
and now, whenever a subscriber has driven t"t
or three miles, dismounts, and turns eacn 9
simple e1Eedient any tendency that they ma,
have acquired to go too fast at tue top is COT
rected.
A beautiful young lady, dressed IN the e1-
trrme OF fashion, and wearing On hef taper
fingers more than half-a-pound OF P1ieeiess $
Jewels, bought ct the nine-ccnt store. ca.iea At
q dry-goods store yesterday, aud, on being m
trodnccd to the Superintendent, lisped softly
ttI perceive that you have advsrtlsea Jour oe-
sire to employ number Of salesladses, anu SO
have called to ascertain the amount OF salary
we're inclined to otter as Tena 1Hs
Superintendent blunily, eve consider about
n f5c xay of salary for such labor
as a saleslady can do, but. II we
could find a few shop,girls that wonidn't mlna NM
WaCcs OF $1O OF s12 week" She tainted, but
on coming to resolved to be a shop-gir1, and put
her pride in her panicr-pocket.
Ancntcrprising gentleman, who is also an acute
observer Of human nature, has lit upon plan
for rcaping large fortune while at the same
time doing great deal Of good to bis haplcss
fellow creatures. he will shortly undertake
the publication Of monster literary weekly, de-
voted exclusively to the publication Of gushing
stories and lukewarm poetry. Tho authors
name and address will be attaclled to each, md
the author will be charged certain sum for at
cepting and publishing the contribution, besides
copies Of the paper containing It. Thus, If
Meta Lurline Popkins, OF Boscobcf, Wis, has
an tmpassioned loge-song five inches long that
she wants to put III type, it will cost
her So for composition, and she
will have to buy ten papers at 70 cents each,
not to say reasonably, to be acquired! If her
fancy runs to pirate story or something Of
that kind, and herpurse is tri1e longer, she
can get III 6 The Bloodhounds Cruise; Legend
Of Pil1icoddy Reef,' for about $40 aud hun
drcd papers The publisher calculates that lie
can have his printing and paper biits and all the
cost Of editing paid By the contributors, which
will leave him the advertising IS clear profit
and as he estimates that in Illinois alone~tllere
are SO poets and nearly ], 100 miscellaneous
prose authors willing to pay any sum in moder-
alton to see themselves in print, lie thinks that
the Big Bonanza was q mere sand-bar to the
gold-miue he has struck.
HOW MATCH WAS BROKEN OFF.
4 scholarly and refined young gentleman has
for some time been engaged to d pretty and
amiable girl away up III the Thirteenth Ward.
Her parents are simple and unpretending folk
who came to Chicago when it was only a small
town, and, through their wisdom in holding on
to property they couldn't sell, acquired much
wealth. They are hearty and hospitable folk,
who think the world of their only child; and
they liked her accepted lover very much,
though, in their simple. homely phrase, they de-
scribed him as having q tendency towards being
IA pretty airy duck" at times. They
take an interest in politics, too,
The old IN man L. l being :.; = m moss-baeked s
stincts OF her sex, is for Hayes and Wheeler.
They always used to treat Amanda's lover as
one Of the 1au1ily, and whenever he appeared 1t
was favorite jest Of tic old man to salute
him, in mimicry Of bis daughters French, with
night last week they were all sitting socially
III the dining-room Mt dessert, when, IN an I'M
happy moment, the conversation turned On the
political situation at the South, and the old
gentleman and lady engaged in argument with
Ill the blunt earnestnesss Of their simple ma
lures, until finally he pushed his glasses up on
bis forehead, and remarked testify and
without the slightest apparent cohcrency:
81 Well, IT them ar' Southern carpet -bagges cunt
out Tilden, you eau just go to Tophet!" The
young man started Tor moment, and blushcd
sisibly,- almost audibly,-but said nothing.
Meanwhile, the old lady had settled her spccta-
lies more firmly upon her nose, aud, STOPPING
forward, Kissed across the table in concentrated
ones: Sand if your shot gun Democracy keeps
rutherford Burchard Hayes, Of Ohio, and Will
alN -AlIu0U HUtEleT> OIL NEW 1OIHs OuL Ol LNEfr
seats, yo" can just go to Erebus." The young
nan blushcd to the tips of his ears,
md, rising with eickly smile and gen
.ral evidences Of being uncomfortable,
ae stammered out: ssPerilaps I ain de trop
md had better wish you good night.n The
roung lady, who at heart is genuine, womanly
woman, dcspising all shans and entertaining .
strong loye and reverence for her parents, what
ever may have been the defects Of their early
and with her fair face flushed, said
To her lover: st Well, If my parents amt good
Ltc worm t1ieth not and the fire is not quench-
cd.'' That young man turned round at the
loor, with more spirit than they had given him
:rcdit for possessing and hissed in a low, con-
,cntrated voice: 1'And # you ever see me in
that burncth with fire and hrimstone!'' And he
1efI.