davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07
SMYRNA DEL, WEDNESDAY, AFTERNOON JUNE. r. 1876

Pen, INK AND PAPER.-IIow sadly these
three invaluable articles are sometimes
abused. What arrant fools men and
women occasionally make of themselves by
rashly committing to black and white the
promptings of their passions and prejudices.
If there is anything in the world that should
not be done hastily-that imperatively de-
mands sober second thought-it is letter
writing. Indiscreet opistles, like curses,
are very apt to come homo to roost, and the
Autterings they create in domestic dove
cots are in some cases terrific. One would
suppose that the exposures of impulsive
correspondence which from time to time
take place in our courts of law, would teach
both sexes to be cautious in their written
communications. Not a bit of it. The
wisest heads have their soft places, and
philosophers, discoverers, statesmen, and
what not, often seem remarkably small in
the otf;hand scribblings not intended for
the public eye. Your intellectual lion,
under the influence of the tender passion,
not unfrequently becomes as "spoony" as
sucking-dovc, and the love-letters of
great mon differ but little, as a general
rule, from those of common simpletons.
Such revelations of the thinner life " of
those whom the world has delighted to
honor are painful. They almost tempt one
to believe that the lights of philosophy and
literature are by rature as weak and foolish
as the rest of us, and that their public role
is only borrowed part" Let all impul-
| sive people beware of pen-and-ink garrulity.
The following truthful criticism is uttered
edtorially by the National Teachers MoathIy:
"FOr people who have been apparently so
well drilled i'll writing compositions during
their school life it is strange what a small
PERCENTAGE of Americans can write sim
pie letter with ease or correctness. The
cause, in our opinion, is to be found in the
way i'll which composition is taught in the
great majority of schools In the first
| place, it is commenced too soon. Before
the child has either ideas or vocabulary he
is called on to write composition In
the absence Of any ideas of his own, he
borrows them from the most accessible
source. The result is that in nine cases out
of ten the composition is number of un-
meaning phrases, blended in such way as
to betoken industry if not honesty on the
part of the pupil, and culpable negligence
or downright ignorance on the part of the
teacher who does not detoct the plagiarism
and prevent its recurrence. Another cause
and this is peculiar to high schools and
colleges, 50 called-is the use of false elo.
quence and highly wrought rhetorical
hourishes. Schoolmasters must give com
nonsense topics on which to write, and
where the subject is left to the choice of the
pupil he should be directed to choose such
No such topics as the Higher Esthetics,
Talks with Angels Nights with the
Gods Travels in JUPITER or Visits in
the Moon,' should be permitted, and least
of all should they be subjects of essays fol
Commencement day"
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Mr.. Blackboard has been arrested in
North Carolina for not paying his debts.
Why don't his creditors take some chalk
and draw on him.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

When air-balloops were first discovered
some one fiippantly asked DIR. Franklin
what was the use of it. Tho philosopher
answered the question by asking another:
"What is the use of newborn infant? 1t
may become a man."
That old Morse king hit the nail on the
head who, when asked what his religion
was, answered; "Askmywife. Our women
are nearer to God than we are"
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Bartlett is homely, while his two daugh.
ters are the opposite, and the boys have
named them the improved Bartlett pair.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Essay on THE ONIoN.-In onion is
strength, and a garden without it lacks
flavor. The onion in its satin wrappings
is among the most beautiful Of vegetables ::
it can almost be said to have a soul. You
take off coat after coat, and the onion is
removed, who dare say that the onion
itself is destroyed, though you can weep
over its departed spirit? doubt not that
all men and women love the onion: but
few confess their love. Good New Eng
landers are as shy of owning it as they are
Of talking about religion. Some people
have days on which they eat onions-the
act is in the nature of reli gous ceremony.
an Eleuslnian mystery; not a breath Of it
must get abroad. On that day they see no
company, they deny the kiss of greeting to
the dearest friend. Happy is said to be
the family who can eat onions together.
Look at Italy; all eat the common vegeta-
ble The social atmosphere of. that deli
cious land is laden with it, In the churches
all are alike; there is one faith, one
smell. The entrance Of Victor Emmanuel
into Rome is only the pompous proclama-
ton of a unity which garlic has already
accomplished and yet we, who boast Of
our democracy, eat onions in secret.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

UNDERSTAND WoMAN's NATURE.-At the
lower end of Woodward avenue yesterday
an old apple woman offered her fruit to a
vessel captain who was signing over the
good old times of 1864. She wanted three
cents piece for her apples He gave her
pleasant look and said
"Well, well. Why you look as we'll as
you did ten years ago, same bright eyes and
red cheeks-same white teeth"
"Take an apple for two cents, Captain, .
she replied.
4" presume you are fifty years DID," he
continued, "but who'd know it? Lots of
ladies at thirty look as old as you do"
{" Take an apple for one cent, Captain,
she answered smiling like a rose"
"Some rich fellow will come along some
day searching for buxom wife," said the
captain, "and you won't have to peddle
apples any more"
Here, Captain, two for cent, take two
of the biggest p she exclaimed, and then
ran after him and dropped two moro into
his overcoat pocket.-Dctrou Free Press.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

LOVING AND BEING LOvED.-Perhaps there
is no more painful time in woman's life
than the time of transition, when the
aslduOus lover is passing into the matter
ot-frct husband, and the wooer is gradually
changing into the master. Women, who
are so much more sensitive than men.
more sentimental, too, and less content to
trust III silence to an undemonstrative
affection, are for the most part happy only
when they are being made love to. 1t is
not enough to be loved; they want TO be
told twenty times a day, and to have the
harmonies of life enriched by crowd of
occasional notes, embroidering the solid
substance by which they live. Men, on
the contrary, get tired of making love.
When they have wooed and won. they are
contented to be quiet, and to take all tn g
rest for granted. They are not cold, how.
ever, because they are secure; and to most
and those the bcst--practical kindness
IS better than hattery, security ranks before
excitement and hysteria, and life passes in
| serene friendship, fearing no evil. knowing
no break, and needing no praising, is
better than life passed in perpetual
turmoil of passion, where there are scenes
and tears and doubts and broken hearts, If
there are not endless courtships and
fatiguing demonstrations.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Smiles are smiles only when the heart
pulls the wires.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

The higher classes-the "lore" classes.
The lower classes-the "hire' classes.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

An ARITHMETICAL CURIOsITY.-The Lon
don AhenG'm contains the following ar
rangement of figures:
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Let them obey who know not how to
rule.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

A gentleman having engaged brick
layer to make some repairs in his cellar.
ordered the ale to be removed before the
brlcklayer commenced his work. "Oh.
am not afraid Of barrel Of ale, Sir, said
the man. " ! presume not" said the zen.
tleman " but think barrel ofale would
run at your approach
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

An Englishman who insulated his bed,
stead by placing underneath each post
broken-of' bottom OF glass bottle, says
that the effect was magical, that he hadnot
been free from rheumatic gout for fifteen
years, and that he began to improve i'm
mediately after the application Of the
insulators.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

The N.r EIyln.d Fru.r says: There
are thirty species Of insects which subyiste
on garden vegetables. The grape vine has
about fifty insect enemies. The apple tree
seventy,tiye. Our different shade trees
over hundred, and wheat and other
grains fifty.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07
An Anecdote of Daniel S. Dickinson.

Burleigh, writing to the Boston Jompal
relates the following:
a party of gentleman were together last
week, and were telling Old-timc stories.
One referred to Senator Dickenson. lie
was not Overlearned, but was very shrewd.
He knew absolutely nothing of the classics,
and was greatly annoyed when one quoted
Latin. Van Buren, had swung off into Free
Soil, and the burden of the party was on
Dickenson's shoulders. A friend of Van
Buren, was eulogizing the ex-President
in a speech. lie spoke of Curtius, and
compared Van Burcn to that noble Roman.
DickensOn went over to a seat occupied by
a Senator who was at home in all that
relates to the Romans. "Who is this
Curtis, the Senator is talking about?" "O
he is not talking about Curtis at all. lie is
talking of a noble Roman patroit. His
name was Curtius, not Curtis" Well.
what did he do?n "Why, in time of a
great public calamity he threw himself in
the breach and saved his country. 40,
that's it, is it?' What did YOU saw his
name WASP" "Curtius.'' "Won't you
spell it?" "C-u-r-ti,u-s." "Au right.
Thank you,' said Dicllenson as he went to
his seat. AS soon as the defender of Van
Buren took his seat, Dickinson arose, fresh,
confiden-, exuberant. He closed like a
man fresh from the classics. And who
is this Curtius to whom the honorable
Senator compared Martin Van Buren,? lie
was a noble Roman. He was patriot.
But how unlike Mr.. Van Buren. Curtius
threw himself into the breach to save his
country. But Van Buren, threw the coun-
try into the breach to save himself"
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Prof-Now you may tell me the position
Of the stomach.
Junior-Directly above the Diaphragm.
Prof-That's comect-whcn YOU stand on
your head.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Gas Company President" All. We must
accomodate ourselves to tie times. An
nounce a reduction of ten cents a thousand
feet in the price Of gas-and add couple
of thousand feet on each gas bill
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

There is man ii Newark 50 close that
when he attends church, he occupies the
pew farthest from the pulpit, to save the
interest on his money while the collectors
arc passing the plate for contributions
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

An agricultural journal adycrtiscs a new
washing machine under the heading
" Every man his own waSherwoman, and
IN its culinary department says that "pota-
toes should always be boiled IN cold water"
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

There never was man more completely
sold than the one who stole the travelling
bag of Il drummer for boot and shoe firm
He got boots and shoes in plenty, but not
min
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

\ Nevada man recently swallowed
wooden tooth pick. When he is standing
erect it doesn't bother him, but when he
sits down he is painfully conscious that lie
committed an indscretion.
Smyrna times., 1876-06-07

Rool to Keep ITeldy-YooSt cat When
you feel like id. TO eat vas hooman. TO
eat when you dond Good got something 10
eat vas brootal. Broots got more manners
like dot
, 1876-05-15

We publish card from Mr.. Pn1ap1vn1E,
President Of the Board Of Public Works, con-
soying tho valuable assurance TINT tho lorco
engino ut the Water-Works sustained no &c.
rions Injury by tho laundering accident ro-
ferrod to in Sundays TRIBUNE. Mr.. Pn1N-
plv1114E alao takes occasion to dononnco as
malicious falsclood the information upon
which tho article was bnscd, though l,o does
not deny TINT most deploEAblo loss Of life
md injury to tho building might have ro-
suited from tho ignorance and rocklossness
which caused tho accittont.
, 1876-05-15

The demand of tho Peoria Presbytery
H'at tho church Mt Henry dispense with tho
pastoral services Of GLENnExs1Su has been
met with fat refusal by tho alherents Of
tho obnoxious preacher. They will clcave to
him aud forsalso tho Presbyterian body,
aince thhs il TIC alternative presented. 1t
will bo good riddanco of bad rubbish for
tho presbytery aid tho denomination ut
iarge. a society Of profeRsed Christians
who would toloEato tho Hpisral 1ninistrations
Of GLESnESSlSa eau only reflect lustro npon
tho Presbyterian Church by being kicked out
Of it.
, 1876-05-15

Tho latc City Treasurer, happening 10 be
in Now FORK, has caused himself to bo inter.
viewed under tho na,no Of tho !" Hon" DAN
O'HAnA BY reporter OF tho Now York
Tina. 11e took OCCASION to ray ono OF
two good words for ex.Mayor Gown md n
grcat n'any good words for himself Wo
havo no objections to Mr.. O'IIAnAa advor-
tising himself at tho expense Of intloraing
11r. CoLv1a, but VIC must protest against his
leading astray tho New York Times,
aid through It tho pcop1o of that
city, by mfsstate1ncnt Of tho case.
Ho told tho reporter tint "tho
trouble was largely attributable to tho
hostility Of the 'rarsisan press to Mr.. COL
viN," though the fact is that Co1v1N hns had
tho constant and Bcrvilo support of morn.
ing newspaper md m ovoning newspaper,
a11l pnrt Of tho timo Of q Gcrmnu daily.
Mr. OHAnA also told tho 11mcs reporter
TINT, Judge DrcKEr having declined to pass
judgment on account Of his previous position
as Corporation Counsel, "thrco Judges wero
III favor Of and three opposed to A1nyor Col
v1s holding over" 8rr. O'liAnA knows very
vol TINT tho Supreme Court Judges. never
expressed themselves ono why or tho other
as to preference for Alr. CoLvrN or opposi-
ton to him, md that they never Ind an op-
portunity for such M expression. Three OF
theln declined to favor compelling the Conf
mon Council to call m election before the
Council Ind refused 10 do it, and this was
tho entire case. Mr.. O'IIAnA soemH TO au-
thorizo the announcement in the Times TINT
lo will DO tho candidate for Secretary Of
State on tho Democrntio ticket of this State
nozt fall, and probably delegate to tho Nh
tional Democratic Convention nj st. Louis.
Pcrlsnps tho State Democratic Convention
will have something to say about nll this,
md Mr.. oHanA will probably not help on
bis ambition very much by misrepresenta-
Eions III behalf Of hIr. CoLvlN.
, 1876-05-15

intorestod woro In tho neighborhood Of $780,.
QUO, There IL a!so nn impression TINT Of this
tho blaokmni1era got about $4,000, while
ltoELLE tcstiiloa that lo pail uss1su $40, GOO,
and JusKEn says TINT ho patd NRnM $25, 600.
In answering general questions, md cstimat-
ing general amounts, there ought to be flor
tho satisfaction Of tho publio) Bono effective
1ileatls Of Sharpening mp tho memory Of these
tifstillers and rectifers, It may not bo necea.
sary to mako out The Governments caso, hut
It viii DO we'll, nevertheless, that tho public
ahall know the full oxtont Of tho operations
Which wcra carricd on for tl,roo ycarg ,1,,tlor
tho auspices of tho loadors of tho Peoples
Party in tllta cIty.
, 1876-05-15
THE FUTURE CURRENCY BuppLY,

q The Edf.nr Qf The Tribune,
IN CntcAno. May PA gentleman latcty Waiting
nancta world a. the rcsut ~ sne, ;"'cnt ~ an snG
continuous nnswervng adherence to tic tfuo prirl.
.ars T., VI noMS,afy management. occupying front
in favor of tic rcscntion Of tienrccnck NJ nera
manent % part Of the circulating medium, which lc
mors nnS 70 @ M or gcenbaeke National hank
Washington, tic SatonSi iat.k notes at tho nIacc
OF assme The apsGie necessary 70 bringing tho
Until that ia rcach" IN. shnnfI ~ III ..,n.a
occupy m unreasonable time, this would indlcato
uo1un 11@anaancy or ing sanG, anu reductions In The
bre done in France. To ,amks so1d teon 10 omes os
,, naI, of the!r resetyo always IN srcenbacks Which
oS H. oo Soo,nat,oh I'm or to strenSth
highest possible credit and nccurty to Ito inner
nttiioh puti u tno eirroney or circulating medium
friends Who listened to thc View conenscd abnvs gm
will feel Obliged BY your nld.ng this br!ef state.
son u your anple RECORD OF Tic ananS!al discus
If mir corrcv,on,,on. ,,. ,tr.,, .,,o r...n. =,
tbo u r,o,,,,.,ar. ass,.s, | ss'en NV '.s"o y.
In sov or so, ~ .aa. .,'nsa, s.'" w. seg.et
tf rcforr, Tbo n,,r -, atnas s.'.'a. 'A.asa's
ro1l. ar,,,i,.'. .,,, ,a.,,. ..es Is - ~.
1,nvc bed ~ ,.onsG w. ta..s ,"s - "'ias ~
rct,cmntfo, IN r.roo,,,o,Ir, T.a"a ~ ,..s ,a.. u..
tnubl, nm t,at ecor' .rho ,,,', .,.s It, w.. ~ T.,
t,,o rcdrn,n,1,,, ~ rr.oo,'t,,,. ,,,a!I, ~" -
Rrt,cmntnn T., .,,o+ ~ ,,'o r.aa,,'aa,.a so. ~
I'm ro,1nn,,,,a H. ,a,, 49,. e ., s1,uoaeAo a'o ~
o,,to,r -. .+a ~ ~" 80, - Wv ~
an1 Ia. +, ~ .,,., ,"' ~ 'a'sc eo'a
mr. co;, tn,"r.a+ 49, ~, H.. aau.a. ~ pnsn's
ot]1 hc oh,ni,,o ~, ,,n so,a ~ ,,o,aa .,.a 80.
e. ..1.,,sa. ~ NV o'''e " po''ust t'e't that
, 1876-05-15

What to do nbont tho Diplomatic and Con-
Eulnr appropriation ontanglement, III ouce-
lion which the President now has under TO-
rlous consideration. Tho hostile rartisnns Of
the Democratic minority have voted to ap-
proprinte for tie maintenance of the Goyorn-
monts foreign representation MI amount 10
small rs to seriously cripple the soryico
whilo tho Sennto Inns refused consent to thcso
reductions on tho ground TINT they aro below
the amount fixed by existing laws. Confer
enee committees have been appointed, but
they are ut deadlock, mud the prospect is
that after tic 30th Of June, tho end of tho
fiscal year, tho Ministers aud Cousuls will
have to forego oil salary or clso resign and
como homo, leaving tho Government wholly
onropresented abrond.
, 1876-05-15

I'M issue Of vcracity in raised between Mr.
JAMES GoopsrEEp, atitor OF tho Joliet Re-
publican, and Penitcntiasy Commissioner
sournwo@ru. Tho former printed n state.
meat TINT an attempt had boon made to
secure the support Of lIis paper for DEyEn1poE
ny tho oiler Of tho Penitentiary printing or
tho payment Of money outright This WIS
denied in writing by each of tho Commis.
moners IN turn, whereupon Mr.. Coop.
spEEp returns to tho charge in nm
affidavit duly sworn to, in which
he describes the circumstances under
which the bnbo WAY offered, aud hwcars Ia
Commissioner SouTuwo,srli as tho mau WIN
offered it. So far, the editor has tho best of
1t, having inado Ills statement under cath:
and, moreover. prodars OF patronage or e.
presalons Of willingness to "chip in" and
he!p run newspapers are electioneerine OK.
pecients quite In tho BEyEn1poE fashion. II
viii require some tail swearing to remove tho
impression that somebody has licd and that
1t ia not the Joliet editor either,
, 1876-05-15

Tho Chicago produce markets were irrep
ulaF saturday. Provisions were quiet and
t3fm; grain active and lower. Mess pork
slosed steady, at $1,000 for June and sal. .12l
Tor July. Lard closed loo per 100 tbs higher,
u $l2.6o for juno and $l2.Go@12, ,g.} for
tny. Meats were firm, at 73o for boxed
ahouldefs, 1lo for do short ribs, and lilo for
20 shost clears. Lake treights were dull. at
s3o for wheat to Buffalo. hail frelghts were
mora active and unchanged. IIiehy;pes
se1e quiet, at Sl.07 per gallon. Flour wa.
u Light demand and firm. Wheat closed Ia
!o~ef' At $lo3s for May and .is1.o4a for
suns. Corn closed 10 lower, at 4o1o for MAY
and t63o for June. Oats closed stoady. At
Soae for May hnd aolo for juno. Rye was
stronger, It 6sI@osc. Barley closed 10 lower,
~ o73o for May and 5so for June. Hoes
wsss Aetirs and 10 hiahsx, tatsuor 70 sxtra
, 1876-05-15

thot1 ononod unti1 {, osc1oo1r vhor tbov 1voro
again closed for TIM nioht. In i'm ,oroo
cities tl,oy woro ken. opon until n ~
This hns been tho Inv far TIM noas c,1ht nr
nino years, aud It l,as Ind thu onprovo1 of tho
hulk Of tho poop1o md Of Tin w1,olo c1crov.
who aro vory powerful In 1rc,and, II haa
been obcyctl In good faith, and thoro haa beon
no attempt 10 resist It, It is iu fact con.
sfderod diaroputablo in lrolanl Ia Inv round
whisky shops on the sabbath. TIM hill
which l,ns inst pasgct1 was mn nmen,,mont
providing for tho closing Of Tho liouor uhops
altogether on Sundnv. TIM 1r;u,, nam.
bcrB of Parliament, without regard to
party,-Conscryatiyos, Radicals antl Homo
1,u1ors. s.-yo,a1 o,,,oet ,,,t1 e.. :.
, 1876-05-15

II 1t wero tho custom to hang out truth.
ful signs from public odiflccs, thcro would
dayo beon displayed from the Connecticut
stato-ffousc during tho last month 4 legend
to this effect: "For sala: A United States
sonatorshlp. Torms, part casl, part prom
isos Of Offices. To bo sold without reserve
to the highest bidder" Tho salo H. over, and
tho office is to bo handed tomorrow to Mr..
WILLIAM H. BAnNua, highest bidder, whose
only competitor was JAMES Z. ENu11Ba,
Tho wranglo between these two was a long
and bitter one, and tho Now York Tribune
throws the following light upon tho manner
in which tho contest wns carried on:
Thfa maeh sccmB beyond dispute, that Nj. Bum
had sundry interviews with Senator ExaL1s1r, thu
result Ut which was that The atcs visited Hartford
q short time bcfoFe the e1cctIon, and 1,utd down
$l0 200 for tho use If tho Stnte COMMITTEES III tic
approaching ctcctiont which amount was su1,se.
qaently dnoblcd, making hs contribution SEQ, Oo0,
Mr. nAnSuN was to meet hls rival in tho prcsence
Of Mt. Dunn, but failed to do 10, yet managed TO
transfer like Ut $0 900 tu thu cotfers Of TIN
Committee. Mr. y. i. Dnowx, tho 1omlps, dis.
penser of thls enug little sum, udnts that le knew
At that tine that Mf. ENuL1sit WaA lahcrng uttirr
dcus!on bnt Insists tint bis Rutincss was TO
carry tho State taking thu tools whcroyor he coull
md them. liz Inns been since quito prominent Ii,
urging Mr. DARNuA's claims, md Is charged Will,
having everywhere represented to the 'swurkcrs"
that II was "DAHNuA's monty" they wurv humid
ling.
Although both contestants came down will,
tho BAUM amount, it is ovideut that hfr. Ban
NUNS contribution was most iul;ciously OK
pondod, for ho haa obtained tho nomination,
aud now ho expects again to uso his Som.