The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1876-07-28
Butterwick's Weakness.

Deacon Grimes called the other day
upon Mrs. Butterwick to ask for sub
scriptiOn to the missionary society.
The following conversation took place
"Your husband is a Presbyterian, l
believe, Mrs. Butterwick ?" said the
Deacon.
mo" replied Mrs. B. "He belongs
to pretty nearly everything else on earth
except the church. That's what say
to him, that while he's joining so much
he had better join something decent,
thatll do him good. But he says he
has no time. He belongs to about forty
six secret societies of various kinds.
He's the awfulest man for such things
you ever saw, and all the time running
after them. Monday night he goes
round to the Free Masons, Tuesday he
associates with the Odd Fellows, We'd
nesday is his Red Man night, Thursday
is his Temperance Lodge, Friday he
goes fooling round with the knights of
Pythias, and all the day Sunday he is
visiting the sick and the widows and
orphans of dead members. If there
were sixty days in a week, l believe
Butterwick would have some lodge TO
attend to every night.
'Mr. Grimes, that man actually
knows ninety-three grips and over two
hundred passwords. And he's awful
mysterious about them. The other day
l saw him swinging his arms about
kinder curious at breakfast, and pres
emily he stops and says: Thunder,
forgot where 1 was Mary Jane, you
saw that? 1t was grand hailing sign
Swear you'll never reveal it, And you
know he'll wake up nights and ask me
if heard him talking in his sleep, anC
if say yes, he'll look scared to death
and get out his pistol and say he'll blow
my brains out if l ever repeat one o
those passwords. And he is all the
time practicing grips on me, but h'
won't even tell me what any of then
are, although he knows | am just dying
with curiosity. He says he knows NOR,
secrets than any other man in the Who'll,
State, and he says if he was to tell ont
of them, those Knights and Patriotic
Sons, and the rest of them, would pu
him in a vault and seal him up alive
or tear him to pieces with red-ho
pinchers.
"He's so careless, too. I see him Civ
ing the grand hailing sign to the slOp
man yesterday, and the slOpman askel
Bridget if Mr.. Butterwick had the 81
Vitus bad; and l know when he trie,
one of those grips on the man that cam
to tune the piano, the man said if h
squeezed his hand that hard again, he'
give Mr.. Butterwick a bloody nose.
"And as for processiOns-well,
seems to me that when Mr.. Butterwic
amt at lodge he's marching in pre-
cessiOn. Always some funeral or cele
bration, or something, and he turns ou
and goes skipping around through tn
streets, dressed in a cooked hat an
sword, and looking fierce enough
frighten anybody out of their wit
And he told me that sometimes he gel
all these grips mixed, and he'll give
Mason an Odd Fellows grip, and tell m
not to be surprised if he is kidnappe
and made away with before morning
And he'll kiss the children good by
and make his last little arrangement
SOS everything'll be straight when he
gone, and then the children and me-
cry, and he'll look solemn, and go TO be
to rest before his doom. But nothin
ever came of it. They never touche
him.
"You ought to just see the letters thi
come here directed to him. e. Butte
WICK and then whole alphabet of lie
ters strung after his name. He's
Right Worshipful Grand Master, and
OH AuiSnt1 anu au IIillucuL dSI Oidl
Sachem, and a Noble Grand, and
Grand Chancellor, and Chief Magni
cent Reverend Druid Priest, and /
more such things as that, enough
take your breath away; and with q
he's no more stuck up than you ar
Just as humble as a lamb. And
sayshe can reel out more stuff that the
say at their ceremonies than would
a small library; and he has about six
sheep-skin aprons, and all kinds of pi
lures on them that he wears when be
on duty.
$50 he has no time to tend to churc
and no money for heathens. He pa
his last dollar Saturday, paying up L
past dues to the Knights of PythiI
and he says if he can't settle up wi
the Druids by Thursday, they'll cut hi
off and chuck him out. | don't knC
what happens to man when the Drui
shut down on him; but Butterwi
hints that it is not much better tht
sudden death. Perhaps YOU are Drui
No? Well, you see Butterwick a
he'll explain 1t to you, and meantir
those heathen'll have to shuttle alo
the best they can. Maybe, if you W
to write to them how Butterwick
fixed, they might consider it sulficieI
Good-morning. Remember me to NJ
Grimes"
Then the heather withdrew and we
around to visit a less mysterious fal
ily.-ESchdnge.
Heaven, as a place of aimless idIen,