Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1876-03-18
Mark TWain's DueI-His Wonderful
Escane

Mark Twain contributes the following
for Ton Hoods Annual:
The only merit 1 claim for the follow
( ing narrative is that il Is a true story. Ii
has a moral on the end of IL, but / claim
nothing on thar, rs il is merely thrown
In 10 carry favor with the religious eie-
I meEt.
After I had reported 4 couple of years
on the Virginia City Nevada Daily Eu-
I rerprise they promised me 10 be editor
in-chief; aud lasted just we X by the
| watch. But 1 made an uncOmmonly
lively newspaper while l did last, and
/ when l retired haq duel on my hands
I and three hOrse-whippings promised me.
1 The latter / made no attempt to collect :
Z however this history concerns only the
/ former. 1t was the old "flush times" of
the silver excitement, when the popula-
tiOn are wonderfully wild and mixed /;
| everybody went armed 70 the teeth, and
all Sights and insults had 10 be attOned
for with the best article of blood your
! system could furnish. In the course of
my editing | made trouble with Mr.
! flew up about some little trifle or other
/ that | said about him-I do not remem-
/ ber now what il was. suppose called
/ him thief, or a bOdy-snatcher, or an i'd
/ lot, or something like that; was obliged
! 10 make the paper readable, and l could
]
| t. of subscribers merely to save the ex-
aggerated sensitiVeness of an individual.
/ Mr.. Lord was offended and replied Wig
orOusly in his paper. Vigorously means
great deal when it refers to = personal
/ editorial in a frontier newspaper. Duel
ing was all the fashion among the upper
/ classes in that country, and = very few
/ gentlemen would throw away the oppOr-
/ tunity of fighting one. 70 Kill one man
[ in duel caused man 10 be even more
/ looked up 10 than to Kill two men in the
/ ordinary way. Wei, out there if you a.
/ buse man, and that man did not like il,
| you had TO call him out and kill him,
otherwise you would be disgraced. SO |
1 challenged Mr.. Lord, and L did hope that
/ he would not accept; but knew perfect
/ ly well that he did not want to fight, and
/ 50 l challenged him in the most violent
( and implacable manner. And then | sat
/ down and snUffed and snufied till the an
/ swer came. All the boys-the editors
/ were in the Office tshelping'' me in the.
| dismal business, and telling about duels
aIRl6liscussing che cosie with lot OF naetl
/ ruifians, who had experience in such maj
/ ters, and altogether there was 4 loving
/ interest taken in the matter that made
me uuspeakably uncomfortable. The am
swer eame-Mr. Lord declined. Our
/ boys were furious, and so was l on the
/ surface.
Q
other, and another, and the more he did
Z not want 10 fight, the more blOOdthirs-
/ tier l became. But at last the mans tone
| began 70 change He appeared to be wa
king up. Ii was becoming apparent that
he was going to fight me after all. I
ought 10 have known how it would be-
he was Il man who could never be depen-
ded upon. Our boys were jubilant. 1
was not, though tried hard TO be.
1t was now time 10 90 out and practice.
1t was the custom there to fight duels
with navy six shooters at fifteen PAGES
load and empty till the game for the fu-
neral was secure. We went 10 "A little ra-
vine just cut of town and borrowed a
barn door for a Iarget-borrowed il from
a gentleman who was absent-and we
stood this barn door up, and stood a rail
on end against the middle of il TO repre-
sent Lord, and put squash on top of the
rail to represent his head. He was a very
tall lean creature, the poorest sort of ma
terial for duel; nothing but line shot
could fetch him, and even then he might
split your bullet. EEasgeratiOu aside,
the rail was, of cOilrse, little too thin TO
represent that body accurately, but the
squash was all right. If there was any
intellectual difference between the squash
and Iis head il was in favor of the squash.
Well, practiced and practiced at the
barn door and could not hit it: and |
that; and l tried for the squash and could
not hit that. | would have been entirely
disheartened but that occasionally Grip
pied one OF the boys and that gave me
hope.
At last we began to hear pistol shots
near BY in the next ravine. We knew
what that menti ThenI was in the last
degree distressed, for Of course they
would hear Our shots and then send over
the ridge, and the spies would find my
barn door without wound or mark, and
that would simply be an end to me; for
Of course the other man would immedi-
ately become rs blOOd-Ihirsty as / was.
just 1t this moment little bird no lar
ger than a sparrow flew by and lit on
bush about 80 PAGES away, and my little
second, steve ellis, who was dead shot
with pistOl-much better than / was
snatched out his revolver and shot the
birds head of, We all ran 10 pick up
the game, and sure enough, just at this
moment, some of the other duelists came
accommodating over the little ridge
They ran TO our group to see what the
matter was, and when they saw the bird
Lords second said:
.'That was a splendid shot. How far
of was it:''
Steve said with some Indifference:
'-Oh, no great distance. About thirty
paces.''
did it?''
s'Ny man-Twain."
''The mischief he did. Can he DC it
often -
'swelI, yes. lie can do it about four
times out Of five
/ knew The little rascal was lying, but
l never sail anything. 1 never told him
so. lie as not of a disposition TO invite
confidence ofthat kind, so 1 let the mat
ter rest. But twas a comfort 10 see those
I people look sick, and see their Jaws drop
when Steve made that statement. They
went of and got Lord and took him home,
when we got home, half an hour later,
there was a note saying that Alr. lord
peremptorily declined to fight.
We found ont afterward that Lord hit
his mark thirteen times in eighteen shots
If he had put those thirteen bullets in
20 NE il would have narrowed my sphere
of usefulness a good deal. True, they
could have put pegs in the holes and used
me for a hat-rack; but what is a hat-rack
20 a man who feels he hIs intellectual
powers:
have written this true incident of my
history Tor one purpose ouIy-tO whom
the youLs "a -ay .galuSj the practice
of dueliug and 10 plead win them 10 war
against il. / was young and foolish when
1 challenged the gentleman, and thought
It very fine ana grand To be duelist and
stand upon the --fiela Of honor But ]
am older and more experienced now, and
ann inheNibIy opposed 10 the dreadful
custom. ! am glad. indeed, TO De enabled
10 lift up my voice against il. ! think il
is bad, immoral thing. Ii is every mans
duty 10 10 all he can to discourage duel
ing.
+ II man were TO challenge me I would
/ 20 TO that man and take him by the hand
| and lead him 10 retired room-and Kill
I him.