The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-02-05
VARIETY.

Many men,, salu NulZS SenlenIlOu5lyS
like tombstone, in the respect that " Here lies
could be appropriately engraved upon them.
Said young man to his bachelor uncle: ''What
advice would you give young man who was
contemplating matrimony?" 81 should advise
him to keep on contemplating it"
Spinner, who is in Florida, writes his signature
on the sands of bayou, and the alligators come
up to look at it and Immediately get the jim
jams Cincinnati Times
Mr. Colfax tells story of President Lincoln
that when he was attacked with smallpox he said
to his attendants sSend up all the oficc-seekers
and tell them I've got something | can give each
of them"
New readings from Shakespeare, by the Louis
vile Ledger Page Ito Ulysses)-"My lord, the
Duke OF Babcock is takenl'' Ulysses Off with
HendersOn's headi So much for Babcock." Slow
music ami curtain.
1.-The excuse of the third man. said MIR.
Moody, illustrating the parable of the guests who
were backward in coming forward, - was more
absurd than any have married wife, and
therefore l cannot come Now, why did't he
take his wife along with him?"
A rhyme for " month :" is now in demand.
Here is one that is very old, but the best we
know of:
I've tried a hundred tines guess,
To find n rhyme for month
I've failed a hundred times, know
This year will be great year for the American
nation. 1t is leap year, Presidential election
wear and the Centennial anniversary of our inde-
pendence, and for the purpose of giving us a rest
during SO much excitement there will be one
extra Sunday, or fftythree in all.
And canst thou always love thus, Alfred,
she murmured, L" even when age has crept upon
me and left his traces here?' There was pause
on his part, but twas only momentary, when he
replied in q tone of deep remonstrance, " Can a
duck swim ~
A baId-headed man, of a heavy, phlegmatic
temperament was accosted on the street by q
waggish acquaintance with the inquiry Tom,
why is your head like Alaskan 50 Too much for
me, Zach. give 1t up. &c Because it is white
bear place.
John Henry, reading to his wife from news
paper IS There is not single in the
State Penitentiary.'' There, you see, now, don't
YOU, what wicked creatures wives are? Every
woman in the PenitentiaTy is married" ''It Is
curious - said she; 90 but don't you think John,
dear, that some of them go there for relief?''
A Young clergyman, whose reputation for YER
acity was of the best, ventured to differ with
an old doctor of divinity as to the propriety of
WINNING children. Why" said he, '' the only
time my father whipped me was for telling the
truth L" Well,' retOrted the doctor, " it cured
you of it, didn't it?
a young lady when invited to partake of the
pudding, replied, - No, many thanks, my dear
madam. By no manner OF means have already
induIged the clamorous calls OF a craving appe-
tite until manifest sense of internal fulness
admonishes my stays; my deficiency Is entirely
and satisfactorily satisfied"
By Mr.. Cumback, of Indiana 50 In Japan
there was such n high sense of honor that if q
nersou discovered that he had slandered another
he killed himself. Were that the custom in this
country the business of undertakers would be the
principal mechanical industry, and such fleet
horses as Red Cloud or Goldsmith Maid would be
required to draw the hearses"
As George III. was walking the quarterback
of one of the men-of-war with his hat on, sailor
asked his messmate - who that fellow was who
did not douse his peak to the admiral?' Why,
it's the King - Well, King or no King" re-
torted the other, he's an unmannerly dog"
Where should he learn manner5! replied JACK;
as he was never out side Of land in his life"
Detroit boy paid his first visit to one Of the
Union schools the other day, as scholar, and,
when he came home at night, his mother inquired
o Well, Henry, how do you ike going to schoOH'
BulIy,'' he replied in an excited voice. '' saw
fonr boys licked, one girl get her ear pulled, and
a big scholar burned his elbow on the stove! L
don't want to miss day"
4. Glass in the middle of geography stand up"
said n school-master - What is a pyramid?'
he asked "a pile Of men in circus, one on
TON of the other'' Where's Egypt?'' 50 Where
r. ALWAYS was'' :" Where's Wales?' @ All over
the sea- .s Very WELL" said the school-master,
ss stay here till show you species of birch that
grows all over this country"
A New London cOnnoisseur of liquor, under
standing that rum improved by being sent to sea,
intrusted cask to an old Captain, who did not
return for three years, when the New Londonite
found that all the rum had been absorbed. Afec-
tionately seizing the sailors hand, he naively
gave thanks, asking,.' Sc Can ever forget your
goodness in bringing back my caskF Never
never!
How is it," asked Bishop Wilberforce of one
of his Roman Catholic servant girls g that you
can feel SO kindly disposed toward me, when you
believe that shall certainly be lost? g Oh, no.!
said she. 81. But how can be saved,' persisted
the Bishop, "when your Church teaches tnat
will be saved through your inyincible higuorance,"
rras the YenlY.