Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-02-24
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

INTEGRITY. prudence and contentment
will always, in the end, win the spurs from
speculative ambition and dishonesty.
WHAT'S correct spelling in comparison
with patriotism? A New Bedford fish
dealer has on exhibition Sentennial'
clam.--N. 7. Commercial.
THE Norwich Conn., girls are sending
round to the fellows, whenever there is a
party, leap-yea card with the inscrip-
ton, g May c U home, tonight"
| WATER rams cost from ten to twenty
five dollars, and by the use of one, there
brought to their houses and barns, at
small outlay
1T is said that Henry Bergb in his early
years was SO tender hearted for animal
life that when a mosquito lit on his nose
he'd pick up a slipper and smash himself
up against the wall.
SoRR, av we phase, whist now, while OF
AK We whin is the Dist month to tell lie
in? Ye give it op, We do? Arrah, now,
| If ye want the hist morltn for a lie, what
I'd it be but february?
"WHETHER women be handsome or
not" observed Bion, reputed one Of the
seven sages, "does not signify. If they
are ugly, they turn ones stomach; if they
are lovely, they turn ones head"
ANN" observed Danbury house
keeper to hired girl, the other morning,
"as we have entered upon the dawn of
another century of our nations history, I
guess you had better get tooth brush of
your own"
A SALT LAKE Mormon has written to
the Centennial Committee proposing to
exhibit his nine wives at Philadelphia,
to illustrate one of the social phases of
American life" He adds that his wives
are anxious to 60.
A MAN and wife in New Jersey daily
sit down to their family dinner together,
but each in different town They vary
their meat with such remarks as My
love, will you please propel the gravy
bowl into South Granger" or, Hubby
dear, another slice of that roast beef over
|
! A GENTLEMAN reported dead recently
was hOnOred with first-rate Dublin obit-
uary notice. He was not dead but, being
met in Dean street, after the surprise was
over, his friend merely observed: eff
you are not dead, you ought to be, for no
man can ever live up to that splendid
obituary notice you have had"
He used to cramp his feet in little boots,
and limp painfully to her residence every
Saturday evening, but the morning after
his marriage he went into a shoe shop,
drew chalk mark around his foot, and
about an inch distant from it on both sides
and at the heel and toe, and ordered the
proprietor to put him up pair of boots
after that pattern.
"SEE here, conductor, why don't you
have fire in this carr" 'eWeIl, YOU see,
one of the directors is a clothing man,
and another is doctor, and another is a
| drug store keeper, and another runs a
tombstone factory, and you know in this
world people must live and let live So
you sec" "All right, sir 60 ahead
with your coffin"
AN insane woman of Newburyport,
Mass, who imagines that she is kept
kept awake nights, and otherwise dis
turbed by spirits, who come to her
through the agency of Father feeling,
Catholic priest, has applied to lawyer to
have him prosecuted for witchcraft and
the latter has sent him letter in due
form, but the priest doesn't seem to be
much afraid of punishment.
| MANY a man lives with woman half a
lifetime without suspecting that the wife
OF his bosom has really forgotten more
than he ever knew. Many carpet-knight
who plumes himself upon his wonderful
skill in smashing hearts is being mental
ly measured and intellectually turned in
side out by the smiling girls whom he
thinks he is captivating. Many veteran
beau who pulls on his gloves to depart
feeling proudly conscious Of having made
profound impression upon the suscepti-
BILE soul Of the belle who has endured him
for an evening would be wonderfully en-
lightened, if not edited, could he hear the
sigh of relief which escaped her lips when
the clang of the door announced his de-
parture.- Vacks6ugg Herald.
THE most wonderful curiosity in Co
lumbia is a talking gander, belonging to
Mr.. Thomas Kyall, the big boiler-maker
on Gervais street. He is unlike poll
parrot in one particular-his owner has
but to speak to him and he will reply in
every instance; whereas parrot gets stub
born at times, and cannot under any con-
sideration, be made tospeak. His gander-
ship will recognize his masters voice
among dozen, and will follow him
around like dog. If his master starts
out Of any store or other place in which
he may have been sitting, quick as
thought Mr.. Gander is after him. While
walking along the street he will engage in
conversation if solicited to do so by his
master, but will talk to no one else. Con-
sidering that the gander is generally con-
sidered one of the least intellectual of all
fowls-so much so that his name has