River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1876-11-16
JUSTICE TO STOVES.
4 Seasonable AdmOniti0n TO Housekeepcrs
From the New York Times

uouSclIOl0Cl VI iASS lOAlu luC olOfC
from its six months imprisonment,
and with fear and trembling under
takes the dangerous task of putting 1t
up. Few fatal stove casualties have
as yet been reported, but the sudden
and enormous increase in the demand
for arnica and divorces which is shown
by the records of rural druggists and
rural courts, is a sad proof of the dan
ger which menaces the man who crap
pies with a large and violent steve.-
There is melancholy sameness in
the manner in which the stove dis
plays its unwillingness to be handled
by man. Like the scorpion, which
argues with its tail, the stove uses its
articulated pipe as its instrument of
attack and defense. So long as the
householder confines himself to carry
ing the stove from place TO place, it
rarely attacks bin; but no sooner
does he NEEDLE with its pipe than its
fury is aroused. His first effort is to
connect the lower joints of the pipe
with one another, and here he is met
by determined Obstinaey which is
worthy of an independent and self
poised pig. or even of an experienced
army mule. The joints refuse TO come
/ together, and bend all their energy to-
ward gratifying a fiendish thirst for
| human fingers. Sometimes, after a
long struggle, the wrong joints are
/ forced together, and when the house
/ holder discovers his mistake, they re-
/ fuse 10 be separated except as the
/ price of more blood and additional
} scraps of cuticle. Nothing but cool
! bravery aud determined perseverance
will succeed in properly joining the
I two lower joints of a stOve-pipe, and
when this victory has been won the
worst of the battle Is yet TO come. 1t
( is not until the householder has
mounted on step-ladder and under
I takes to place the upper "elbow on
the pipe and 10 insert il lii the chin.
new that the strength, activity, and
| malignity of the stove pipe is fully dis
! PLAYED. Its favorite feat is TO release
! itself suddenly from the hands of its
antagonist, strike his foot with its
whole weight and its sharpest edge,
and then to roll on the floor in evident
commissions of Joy. Occasionally the
I upper .'elbow' makes vicious plunge
for the householder head. and in
J stances are on record in which it has ey.
identity torn his nose from its found
ations, or driven its fangs deep into
his skull. Efforts 10 subdue it with
clubs or hammers are seldom effective,
Usually, the more a pipe is pounded
the more unruly it becomes, and the
more resolutely it refuses TO enter the
chi nney-hole or to adhere to the
stove.
Startling as the assertion may seem,
it is by no means certain that these
terrible conflicts are necessary, or that
mankind cannot live onpeaceable terms
with stoves and stove-pipes. 1t is an
assumption which is unsustained by
satisfactory evidence, that the stove
is necessarily untamable. Button, ii is
true, asserted that "the stove posses
SEES a fierce and indomitable nature
which cannot be tanned, and most
subsequent naturalists have been con
tent to adopt his opinion. Mr.. lux
ley, however, who, as an animal eX
pert, is certainly at the head of his
profession, disputes Buttons assertion
and agrees that inasmuch as the law
recognizes the right of property il
stoves, it therefore implies that they
are not faro nature, and can there
fore be tanned. He has never actually
tanned stove himself, for theory and
not practice is his specially, but bis
opinion is certainly entitled to respect,
and is sufficient to show that the scien
tific world is not unanimous as to the
alleged untamable nature of the stove
There is good reason to believe that
were the stove treated kindly and in
diligently, it would become as harm
less as the CRATE or furnace. PROBES
siOnal stoves fanciers who deal il
stoves never have any difficulty will
them, and can always put up stove
without exciting it to the slightest de
monstration of hostility. The average
householder is probably to very grea
extent responsible fer the violence ant
bad temper of which he accuses hi
stove. lie keeps it during the sum
mer in close confinement, where i
mentally rusts and naturally grow:
morose. He does not make himself ia
miliar with it and accustom it to be-
handled, but relies SOrely upon his
brute strength to keepit in subsection
Moreover, it must not be forgotten
that when he mounts his step-laddeI
for the decisive struggle, he is almost
invariably hot and excited. The pres
enee of his wife, who stands near the
foot of the ladder, expresses those wild
and impracticable views as to the uses
of the hammer, which are so chaTae.
teristic of her sex, and so well adapted
4 to madden the other, has also its share
in increasing his nervousness and in
rendering him unfit to deal with his
difficult task.
In these circumstances he is apt to
resort to harsh and violent treatment
when it is not needed, and he ought
/ not to wonder if he thereby excites
/ the fear and resentment of which lac
subsequently complains. The mere
/ fact that when man is standing ON a
! step-ladder with q steve.pipe in his
/ arms he betrays a readiness to under
/ value his wife's intellect, and to &C
cuse her of Everlasting chattering,
/ speaks volumes as TO his state of mind.
| The divorces that follow the season of
1 putting up stoves are proofs, not of
! the wildness of the stoves, but of the
| irritability Of husbands, and it may be
safely asserted that an irritable man
is unfit to deal with stoves or with any
| domestic animals.
Let us, then, instead of persistently
treating the stove as though it were
the inveterate enemy of the race, try
the effect of kindness and gentleness.
Weeks before the stove is to be put
up, the pipe should be brought out and
| accustomed to the presence of the fam
lily. It's joints should be allowed to lie
on the rug or under the table, and
from time to time they should be gen.
thy brought in contact, so as to accus-
tom them to their approaching duty.
When the hour for putting up the
stove arrives, the householder should
send his wife out of town, and after
engaging large Irishman with club