The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-06-07


a German. began to cry bitterly as he
thought that he was about to die. The
man next to him was an Irishman,
who was much bothered by the Ger
mans weeping. So hitching his foot
to one side he gave the Germans box
a push, leaving him swinging in the
air, and said, t:Stop, you big sucker,
won't you?' But the same act toppled
over his own box, he could not regain
his footing, and. with a laugh at the
trick he was playing on the German,
he, too, swung into eternity.
l was one day standing on the plat
form of the worst of all restaurants of
the world-at Rawlins, Wyoming Ter
ritory. A lady and her little girl were
sitting at one of the tables inside. On
the platform was hunter with9 a
breech-loading rifle, and belt full of
cartridges. In fooling with the piece
it suddenly went off the bullet drove
through the thin clapboard. passed
through the coat of man inside, and
whiZZed between the heads of the
lady and her little daughter. He qui.
city smiled and put in another car
fridge. was thoroughly maddened
at his cool Indifference, and under the
impulse of the moment said: s'I'd
like to be big enough to lick you, you
big chucklehead." he turned round
indifferently, slapped me on the shoul.
der till I thought the earth was shak-
ing for miles around. and said, with a
smile: ''P:ard, yer amt big enuff, an
can't do it. Yer'd better git yer hair
cut and go West. Pard, OF boy,
what'n you drink? Nothin!' Not
even with me Then yer'd better tie
a tin pan to yer tail and git West.
Say pard,' said he patting the clap
board, ''ain't that a purity smuthe
hole! Them Henry brich-loaders
! is
When Horace Greedy was on his way
to California he met a Forty-niner
coming East. The Californian was in a
terrible stew about his accommoda-
tons. He kept saying, 81 wish l had
some O them Californy pertaters.
Them's eatin'. them is. Dern this
yer kentry ennyways. I'd give a
thousand dollars for snootful of OF
Californy air. That's the place to
live in-on'y kentry with livin' in.
Mountings and valley, Strawberries in
winter, sparegrass alters, bes' BRAN
water ennywheres, finest climate on
Their face ther yearth. Dern a kentry
like this down yer. Californy's the
only place fit ter live.''
| cv,,;1o1 +ho4 child Ia
of his, and thought he had the Califor
MAN bad when he said:
''My friend. it California is such a
splendid country, why did you ever
leave it %
"Becose, said the sloper, 81 were a
fule.'
See, isn't this about the season to
start the original and veracious item
about the woman whose child fell into
we'll, and while she was fishing it out
the screams of her baby called her to
the house, where she found it had
pulled tub of water over on itself,
which was writhing in the agony of
death, the child was, not the tub, and
then when she ran to call her husband
from the field, met the hired man
bringing in all they could find of him
after short but vigorous Graco-Ro-
man wrestle with reaping machine,
and then as she turned in despair to
run into the house again, stepped on
the teeth of a hay rake, causing the
handle to fly up and hit her in the
back of the head with such violence
that it broke bran new comb that
she gave three dollars for only the
week before? 1t appears to us that
this is about the right time.