Los Angeles daily herald., 1876-06-30
Facts and Fancies.

A lawyer is not necessity Iof
necessity knows no law.
What part of speech is distasteful to
lovers? The third person.
Nobody ever believes your expla-
nation of how you got a black eye.
The bad boys still go fishing on the
Sabbath, but they have to go home
to get bite.
This is the year in which woman
proposes, God disposes, and Con-
gressional committee exposes.
Says country editor: "Who drinks
all the whisky made in the United
States? is what staggers u.s." 1t is
enough to stagger anybody.
az would not for any money!" says
Jean Paul Richter, "have had money
in YOUTH That's the way we feel.
We would rather have it how.
"I can't find bread for my family"
said lazy fellow in public company.
"Nor II replied an industrious
miller, II am obliged to work for it.'
'Is your house warm one, land
lord?n asked gentleman in search
of house. at ought to be" was
the reply; "the painter gave it two
coats recently
In response to an inquiry, "How
can l keep my husband at home in
evening?p the Rochester Democrat
aptly suggests, "Take club and try
to drive him out"
A boys idea of having a tooth
drawn may be summed up as follows:
"The doctor hitched fast on me;
pulled his best, and just before it kill
ed me the tooth came out"
"There's about 10000 unmarried
woman in Philadelphia" All! ah!
always thought this scheme OF the
Centennial covered up some deep-laid
design against mankind.
Were we going to marry we
wouldn't give one girl who can put
q patch on pair fpantaloons for fifty
girls who can do nothing but work
blue dogs, lying on grass bank under
purple sky, in worsted
At a wedding recently, when the
clergyman asked the lady, "Wilt
thou have this man to be thy we'd
ded husband?n she, with becoming
modesty which lent her beauty an
additional grace, replied, IF you
please"
At the show the other evening
gentleman sarcastically asked man
standing up in front of him if he was
ware that he was Opaque. The 9TH
er denied the allegation, and said he
was not opaque-his name was
O'Brien.
'Tmake it point, madam, to study
nv own mind, said q gentleman to a
fadv who had exhibited some sur
prise at an opinion he had exp ressed.
oIndeed,n she replied, II didn't
suppose you understood the use of the
microscope
A philosopher says: "The wish or
willingness to lean upon one auoth-
er is ignoble; to lean on ones selfa-
lone is grand. That may do for a
sentiment; but there are times when
q lean on posts, or lien on another
mans property Is both profitable and
interesting.
"May they always live in peace
and harmony was the way a YAM
kee marriage notice should have
wound up; but the compositor, who
couldn't read manuscript very well,
put in type and Mortified the happy
couple by making it read: "May they
always live on peas and hominy.o
A set of false teeth that belonged to
George Washington has been sent to
Philadelphia, and will be exhibited at
the Centennial. A patriotic citizen
says he was very much relieved when
he saw them, because-if George had
Slipped up while crossing the Del
ware he could have hung on the bot
tom of the boat by such teeth as those
until the nation had time to turn out
to his rescue.
A little fellow ran to his mother the
other day and asked:
"Ma, can have some bread and
jam?"
His mother, wishing to break him
of the vicious habit, replied:
W"hen was your age | couldn't get
anything to eat between meals if L
wanted it.n
"Yes', said the boy after moments
pause, "but you didn't have a good,
nice mamma, did you?"
That settled it in favor of the young
fiatterer.
"Charles, my DARING Charles,
promise me one thing" said the bride
of month, as she threw her arms
around her husbands neck and gazed
anxiously into his face. "What is it,
precious?u he asked, as he drew her
to his bosom. "Promlse me, Charles,
dear that you will not become cand-
idate for the Presidency" "Why, my
darling, that is asking good deal, &"
he replied, and his countenance dark
ened. There is JONES' Smith and
Brown .and, in fact, all the best peo-
ple-they are candidates. You want
me to be somebody, don't you?" Eyes,
yes, Charles, I do, [ do" said the
young wife, bursting into tears; "but
all the newspapers will tell how big
my feet are, and you know folkes
think that anybody's feet may be
goodshaped if they are large"
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