The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-12-15
WHAT THE WITS SAY.
Our arithmetic man starts at every figure
that enters the door, Wash. Nation.


Our arithmetic man starts at every figure
that enters the door.-Wash. Nation.
The Polish historian, Bielowski, is dead
-above-sky at last, we may believe Wor-
eester Press.
Don't lose the torches; we may have two
or three more elections this year before we
get President.-Hawkeye.
Solitaires are all we'll enough in diamonds
but when it comes to pancakes, man reach
es for clusters. Chicago Journal
The Democratic papers declare that TIL
den is going to be married. All, yes, the
old mans awful fond of excitement
Hawkeye.
t. A. Hendricks feels that he is goner
Even the initials of his name haunt him
with their eternal T. A. HIT. A. H.-Cht-
cago Journal
AS Thanksgiving approaches, the pious
farmer selects his scrawniest turkey, and
sets it aside for a present to the minister.
Rome Sentinel.
Henry Clay Dean has mysteriously disap-
peared since election, and it is feared that
he may have suffered land slide.-Bur-
Iimgton Haokeye.
Football IS becoming fashion again.
Football can never reach popularity in this
country until the American shin bone is set
farther back.-Danbury News.
The best pun ever made is the old in
scription on tea-chest, e" Tu Doces,' Latin
for '' Thou teachestv' Though teachest
ought to hold more than that.-Graphic.
Plaid stocking are coming into vogue.
Such a fashion should be checked.-Nor-
ristoeo1s Herald. The young men hail them
with rapturous "What hos"-PAiEa. Buz-
getin.
On the wing, Nov. 13. To Samuel J.
Tilden If you cannot get that other vote
our engagement must be considered at an
end. S-n B. A--y.-Gzo6e-D DEM
ocrat.
Yes, let's have another war. The stock of
old army overeoats is played out, and how
would a man look coming into town on a
load of wood without one of those on p
Fulton Times.
Olive Logan remarks that there is no
place like home, and she is going to leave
Mr.. Sykes in Europe and return. Olive is
a nice woman when her mouth is in repose.
Free Press.
Job was man who digested considera-
BILE quantity of misery, but he never knew
the utter vanity and vexation of spirit that
comes from continuous wrestle with the
late election raturns.-Bnadgeport Farmer.
This is the season of the genuine Indian
summer. It is supposed to have been
originated by Pocahontas for the purpose
of giving the average citizen chance to
put off buying his overcoart until after he
got paid for his vote.-Fu1tozs Times.
Lord salisbury's projected visit to Berlin
and Vienna on his way to Constantinople,
suggests that his line of argument will be
similar to the California hunters prayer to
the Almighty: so Lord, if you don't help
me, don't help that bearr'-N. r Herald.
The climate of South Georgia is as mild
as that of Italy. The only change of ap-
parel that editors in that section make
when winter comes, is to pin pod of red
pepper to the lapel Of their summer coats,
and even this is oppressive.-AtZanta Con-
stitutSon.
1t was halfpast ten as a Ninth-street girl
yawned and asked him if he liked poetry.
He said "Yes, dear;;' then she murmured,
"Now lay me down to Sleep"
and it SO disturbed his judgment that be
took the old mans hat instead of his own.
WASH. Nation.
This is from the philosopher of the Bur
lington Hawkeye: "One of the discover
les of the latest Arctic explorers is that the
length of the polar night is one hundred
and forty-two days. What a heavenly
place that would be in which to tell man
with a bill to call around day after to-mor-
row and get his money"
We cannot learn any particulars of the
hunting excursion made by cross-eyed
man and another fellow last week. But
the cross-eyed man has the air of one who
discovers himself in error, and the base
ment of the other fellows pantaloons re-
sembles the top of pepper-box, ard he
does not sit down anywhere e-Rome Sen.
tinel.
The chronological Journal advises young
men to be governed by the chin in picking
out wife. 1t is the music of the chin
which quite frequently governs them after
ward. We don't know in what way the
chin indicates character, but now that this
advice has got abroad maidens will do we'll
to keep the chin well wiped, and to sail in
at once.-Danbury Neaos.
Governor Tilden has written the follow
ing recipe for "The Buckeye Cook Book -
"Take an iron, fatiron--the larger the
better-and bake it in the stove oven.
Evening is the best time. When it is done
through, which can be ascertained by ex-
pectorating upon it gently to see if it siz-
zles, remove it in a rag to your bed, and
quickly join it. Nothing can be nicer.
N. B.--Stir gently to keep from burning.
(After you 60 to bed.)"
The voice of the editor of the Bucyrus,
Ohio, Forum is for more war. He calls
upon the press, that mightiest conserva-
tor of liberty" to "send it's red-hot bolts of
lightning through the heart of tyranny"
And he might have appropriately added :
"Terms, s1.50 year in advance. Are we
patriots or slaves? Wood and potatoes
taken in payment for subscriptions. He is
a coward that falters when duty calls. Pay
up. pay up! Strike the tyrants from
power! Job printing neatly executed" -
Nor. Herald.
The Champion Liar.
The champion liar of the State is in our