The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-01-29
ECommunicated
BEING i SEQUEL TO CHATTER on The SANE sCGJEcT-
SHOWING ITS WONDERFUL PROPERTIES OF
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Boys, (said ny Uncle.) 4 short ,ime,-bu' a few
days in fact after relating 10 you ny FIRST story about
india-rubber,- was returning home by the same
road that led By the little Court house So pictur-
esquely located in the Pride Of India trees As
approached that little Court house and the jail that
stood by it. for I approached that jail; l saw skele-
tons Of horses and mules tied TO the fence and trees,
patiently waiting, I should say froats On their
tender backs were all the different shapes. styles and
conditions Of saddles, from the time Of " saddle ye
an ass" down to the very latest fashion OF " Cap
tain Jinks of the horse marines"
I could easily surmise there was more business in
Court than usual there could not have been . bet
ter outside show (of bones) if the great Mogul him
self we're present. As | gaZed on this lean crowd OF
quadrupeds, (fOr many Of them were leaning against
the fence TO hold themselves up,) l thought there
must be the settling up Of some drunken spree IN
Court and besides, if the great Mogul was there l
wanted to see him and make his acquaintance
which | afterwards did. And a. | wanted to learn
all could in relation TO the vegetable kingdom, so
that would be able to tell you all the facts in regard
to india-rubber, | concluded to 60 in and see what
had caused this great commotion, in the midst Of
this sober, sectarian, law-abiding, Hberty-loving,
high-state-ofmorali vicinity
On entering the Court house, (said my Uncle l
thought | was duly sober, ~(although | had been
looking at some persons d~riuking) but it occurred
TO me the Court was double, that he was not himself
at all-that is, he was not all the Court himself.
By his side appeared another, an elderly gentleman
of portly mein-he looked like q statue hewn out Of
human flesh in that beautiful, graceful, symmetrical
style generally attributed to, and known as a Lager
Beer keg This person, as l afterward learned. was
really the leading and controlling spirit of the Court.
And, (said my Uncle,) | shall designate him as
Court No. l, numbering him according to size, as a
farmer does his squashes. The cause before their
honors-the Court-was q preliminary examination
of the King VS.. James WhistlegoOd, charged with
attempt-Gt is q hard word to spell, said my Uncle,
and | will not mention it,
The testimony was fully ventilated pro and con,
Court No. l apparently having his own way, and
his own say in everything. He was morOse, intoler-
ent, extravagant in his zeal to crush the poor trem-
bling culprit, who stood covering beneath his frown.
And when failing in his expectation to find evidence
leading TO conviction, he consoled himself, and
strengthened his spirit of persecution, by saying
1t made no difference anyhow, there had been men
murdered right here in this district for two dollars
and q half" Drawing his inference, that if ever
there had been a man murdered for two dollars and
4 half, of course this prisoner and every one else
against whom II criminal charge IS laid, must be
guilty. But perhaps, (said my Uncle) we would be
doing him injustice to believe this idea originated in
his gigantic mind He had some noble precedents
to lead him to this conclusion. Old Pomposity SAID,
Somebody did it, and if this fellow can not prove
himself innocent, he must be presumed to be guilty.
And the Pennsylvania Judge in his charge to the
jury said This person is charged with a serious
crime, and inasmuch as he has failed 10 prove HIM
self not guilty, you will do well to bear in mind the
old maxim, that it is better to hang nine innocent
men t0an let one Rullty IL 20 Z hO"eNeTs
the evidence and the argument closed, and the case
was submitted to the Court. Court No. 2 remarked,
sThere was a good deal of evidence in both sides of
this case, and he wanted half an hour to collect the
facts Upon which the room was cleared, the
prisoner in the mean time was placed in charge of
two deputy sheriffs and two constables for ~safekeep-
ing. At the expiration of half an hour, with some
whistling, and rapping on the window, and some
calling out " oil aboard it was understood that
Court was called. 1t appeard to me, (said my
Uncle,) that, as there was not the least cause for
prosecution, and seeing the smile that was " childlike
and bland , upon the countenance of Court No. 2.
1 congratulated myself that 1 had guessed him rightly
this time. His honor pensively and mildly remarked.
" Mr.. Whistlegood, there is no evidence to convict
you
Court No. l." Oh 1 think we had better send
him to H~angtown there he can have all the judges
of the Supreme Court to consult"
Court No. 2-"I think it is better for me and for
you, that l commit you to the Coort, so that you
will be discharged by a jury of twelve men and leave
no stain on your character"
Then, (said my Uncle,) I thought how pleasant it
is to be able to crafty a little personal pique at the
expense of the country with the authority vested in
red tape 1 thought of the other story l told you,
and | thought of