Pioche daily record. [volume] (Pioche, Nev.) 1872-1876, 1876-02-09
Continuous Sweetness.

Sweetness long drawn ont, in ordinary
phrase, molasses was yesterday the inno-
cent cause of some acerbity in q usu-
ally amiable family circle. Pater Familias
had purchased a keg Of the saccharine fluid
and had sent it home by a grocery wagon.
On his way to the domestic shrine, the
head thereof, visited hardware store,
and bought one of the patent faucets
con.rived for the clearly and economical
distribution of the liquid sweetness.
Armed with this implement, he reached
the hallowed scene where he had Sc, up
his Lsres and Penates and proceeded to
tap the keg. Placing it on a three-legged
stool (ah, fatal stooD, he commenced,
with the aid of an inch augur. to bore
hole (ah, fatal aperture). As the augur
was somewhat dull it did not bite very
readily, so he leaned on it with more
force than usual. After making a few
turns, pop it went into the viscid fluid,
and pop in return splashed the said fluid
into the said Pater's eyes. With a NUT.
tered denunciation, he endeavored with
one hand to clear his eagle optics from
the clammy sweetness. While doing
thii he leaned bis sinister paw too heavily
on the keg on the side Of the three.legged
stool where there was no leg. Obeying
natures great law, when the center Of
gravity falls without the base. over went
the keg and stool. Pater, still half blind
with the sticky stuff, rushed to up end
the keg. in which, after breaking his
shins over the maleyolent stool. he sue
ceeded. Taking breath, he returned to
his task Of disencumbering his visual or.
gans of their saccharine impediments.
just at this instant in~came the wife OF
his bosom, who shrieked, Gracious
the molasses is running all over the
room," and flew TO ascertain the
cause. By this time Pater, to his
astonishment, saw that he had placed
the keg with the head downwards,
in which he had bored the hole. He OF
once grabbed it, SO did his wife, the
result was that their heads came to.
gether with about the force of the COLI.
sion between the Baynard and Iron
Duke. Down they went into the pool oil
molasses, knocking the keg on its side
the molasses still pouring forth serene
and steady stream. Smeared and sticky
and snorting with rage, Pater rose like
another Ant9us and again grasped the
keg, but still fortune was against
him. His foot slipped and he fell, but
in his fall, he accidentally rolled the kee
against the back hair of his better half
which the chair not the half had beer
knocked off by the force of the origina
collision. This was more than tina
sorely tried lady could bear. Scramblin,
to her feet, she shrieked. "You vii
lain, you did that on purpose and vii
have divorce if it costs my life." Pate
who was just getting on his feet. Yellet
"you can have dozen il you will onl,
take this internal keg with YOU" Suit
ing the action to the word. he gave tn
. it against the stove leaving O mournfu
trail Of wasted sweetness behind it. Th
force of the blow was SO great that
knocked out one of the stove legs an
down came that useful portion of tn
domestic menage. With the stove cam
the family dinner. the soup scalded tn
4 cat, the meat fell out Of the oven an
, havoc and ruin ruled the hour and til
roast too. Pater to prevent fire raise
the stove and replaced the leg burnin
his hands and was nearly suffocated b
t the smoke and steam. This done b
. strobe off to plaster his fingers an,
change his molasses changed clothes
His wife went to into Mysteries an
D. thence to bed and now gloom hangs ovt
the once happy mansion, which wi
0 take O week of the sunshine of goo
: temper to dispeI, and all because of
8 three legged stool and the unskilful III
I, of an augur.