The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-07-20
Miscellaneous.

When is it right to take one in When
il rains.
Indiana has town called Tell City
It's a gossipy place.
Every old maid can boast of two
beaux; but they are elbows.
A sequel to the recent excitement in
lard-The earthquake in Greece.
A polite way of putting it-Troubled
with a chronic indisposition to exertion.
Why is every teacher of music neces-
sarily a good teacher2 Because he is a
sound instructor.
1t was little boy in New Jersey who
said: "Yes, sodawater's good It's like
your foots asleep"
Sounds just as loud as a new quarterI"
chuckles Midas, as he drops a five-cent
nickel into the contribution box.
1t is an economical reflection that
when garments are too short, the diff
Guilty may be remedied by wearing them
longer.
When the young ladies hand you a
card nowadays with the cabalistic letters
Y. M; C. A. it means you may call
again"
"If you wish to visit the tomb of your
country's father just jump into my car
riage," said Washington hackdriver to
Dom Pedro.
A judge, in sentencing a man to death,
observed: Prisoner at the bar. you will
soon have to appear before another and
perhaps better Judge"
1t is given on the authority of q New
Orleans paper that there is in that city
hog with his ears so far back that he can
not hear himself squeal.
mike, and is it yerself that can be
afther tellin' me how they make ice
crameY I'm troth / can. Don't they
bake them in cowld ovens, to be sure p
A Louisiana wife tried to poison her
self because her husband, in q prayer
meeting had fervently said amen to the
petition oil q girl of whom she was
jealous.
An eccentric clergyman lately said, in
one Of his sermons, that about the COM
monest proof we have that man is made
of clay is the brick so often found in his
hat
II the keeper of jail is jailer, why
isn't the keeper of a prison q prisoner
is a conundrum which, on some account
or other the Providence Press is prompt
ed to PROFOUND.
1t was a New Jersey wife who said /:
My dear, if you can't really drink bad
coffee without abusing me, how is it you
can always drink bad whisky without
abuainO the barkeaper
Four Democratic papers in Virginia re-
fuse to support Tilden. They are the
: Alexandria Sentinel, Staunton Virginian,
Norfolk Day-Book, and Petersburg Citi-
zen-two daily and two weekly.
Awag, upon visiting medical museum;
was shown some dwarfs and specimens OF
mortality all preserved in alcohol.
We'll" said he, "I never thought the
dead could be in such good spirits"
A necktie vender who got his choler
up and turned choker. was fined SO and
costs for breach of the peace the other
day in Norwich, Con-neck-tie-cut.-New
York Commercial Advertiser.
European capitalists as a general thing
are represented as very much down on
the war feeling A good many of our
citizens too are daily down on the wharf,
ceiling New York Commercial Adver-
tiser.
A Philadelphia wag, who jostled a tur-
banned Mussulman, distributing circu-
lars. on Chestnut street, few days ago.
was Mortified at the exclamation: BLAST
yer sowl do yiz take me for a rale
Turruk p
A debter, severely questioned as to the
reason of his not paying just debt, re-
piled: Solomon was very wise man
and Samson a very strong one; but
neither of 'em could pay his debts with.
out money"
A boy recently found a pocket-book,
and returned il to its owner, who gave
him five-cent piece. The boy looked
at the coin an instant, and then, hand
ing it reluctantly back, audibly sighed
as he said: Il can't change it"
Madam" cynically observed gentle
man to leader of a fashionable society
in Washington, woman doesn't seem to
be so much of 'clinging vine as she
once was" That's because OF the ex.
treme insecurity of the manly oak, she
replied.
A Kansas City German got angry with
a banker of that place for demanding a
heavy discount, and when the banker as
serted il was business" replied: "Pisi-
ness Pisiness You sit in here all day
and rob a man barefaced pefore his back |
und calls dat pisinessP