Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-10

HUlos0UA
He WANTED MORE POCKET.-"Ma," !"
said Chicago boy, the other day, II
wish you'd make my pockets bigger"
"What can my little. son want Of
larger pockets?" remarked the mother.
"Well, you see, ma" replied the in
nocent lamb, ''the new groceryman on
the corner keeps lots and slathers Of
nice things round In front, an he amt
no hand at all to watch 'em."
Then that good mother, taking of her
slipper, communed with her young on
spring upon the sinfulness of his plans.
Chicago Erening Journal.
TnE boys of Detroit seem to be going
down hill in their morals Of late. Sum
day one of the legion, who has always
been noted for his respectful demeanor
toward the great public, observed an
old citizen yawning and gaping on
street corner, and said to him: "Better
not open your mouth too wide."
sWhy?" was the surprised query.
s'There's law agin opening a saloon
on SUNDAY 2" continued the sinful child
as he slid for the middle of the street,
Detroit Free Press.
AN EASTERN young lady lately re-
ceived the following note accompanied
by a sbucket of fiOurs:" 81 send you
bi the boy bucket of flours. They is
like mi luv tor u, the mite shade means
keep dark, the dog fenil means am your
slave, rosis red, posts pail, mi luv for u
shall never fale." The same young lady
remarked that she thought Dickens's
best work was Thackery, and Lothair
and 'dis Really" were one and the
same man.
| ALL about birds-Feathers.- regu-
lar bawl rOom-The nursery.-How she
can get ''duck of bonnet" cheap
Bv going out i'm a heavy shOwer.-The
remains of the old elm should have been
removed on a "spruce" bier, consider
ing how much of that beverage was
formerly sold under its branches
What PomerOy may well say-Fear not.
Suitable music for the present month
The Centennial.
THERE is an Irishman in Toledo who
9 erved i'm the rebel army during the
war and is never tired of bOasting of the
valor of the boys in gray, especially OF
those i'm the Western army-where he
served. The boys were teasing him in
a saloon the other evening, and one
said: eyes, but why did you run away
and leave Fort Henry?" "Why, be
jabers, because we couldn't take it along
wild u.s." and the laugh was on his side.
NORWICH Bulletin: He was taken sick
in the night, and in her youthful ignor-
ance she made two mustard plasters and
put one i'm front and one behind, and
then with hOrrid sarcasm she asked him
how he felt. But he was well-bred
man and merely said that he realized
with a tenderness he had never known
before, the true position of a sandwich
in the community.
Mrs. VENEERING has discontinued a
custom originated by her of having
visitors write their names in book in
the hall in event of her absence. Why?
Because the milk man came and wrote !:
"Bill Smith called to collect bill of
milk of long standing, and is sorry Mrs.
Veneering didn't leave the amount with
the girl, as she agreed"
ANGLER-ssDeuced odd, Donald;
can't get fish over seven pounds, when
they say Major Grant, above us, killed
half a dozen last week that turned
twenty pounds apiece!" Donald
"Aweel, sir, it's no that muckle odds
18th sawmon, but thae fowk up the
waiter is bigger leears than we are doom
here"
The RULING PAssIoN.-Prison chap
lain Charged to report on convict's
religious knowledge. )-"DO you know
the commandments" PrisOner-"Yes,
SIR" Prison chaplain = "Say the
Eighth" Prisoner (prOmptly)-"ThOu
shalt do no manner Of work; thou, nor
thy son, nor thy daughter" "etc.-Punch.
"WHAT are you in Jail for?" asked a
prison visitor of a negro in New Or
leans Jail. "For bor'win money, sar :"
"Why, they don't put men in Jail for
borrowing money! "Yes, but, you
see, 1 had to knock de man down tree
or four times afore he'd lend it to ME" :"
A CANDY STORE window displays, in
wOrsted letters, the inspiring text,
''The Lord will provide" A boy who
passes daily says it amt SO, and "you
can't git no candy in there on the credit
of Providence. Nickels is the only
thing that gets them gum drops"
He HAD just returned from church
and was singing, "Oh, where shall rest
be found" in a most cOntended frame
of mind, but when she asked him to get
scuttle of coal he slammed the kitchen
door just as vigorously as the original
Adam slammed the gate of Eden.
-Customer-"What did
you think of the bishops sermon on
Sunday, Mr.. Wigsby?" Hairdresser-
"Well, really, sir, there was gent a
sittin' in front o. me, as 'ad his 'air
parted that crooked that couldn't 'ear
a word n'-Punch.
"WE HAVE great many felt slippers,
nova days." said a young lady TO her
octogenarian uncle. "YOu have, have
youY' responded the old man, with
great animation; ''well, the slippers
were felt in my young days, too, and
no mistake."
| AN OLD LADY, loOkiDS at Tic curiosi-
ties i'm museum, came to a couple of
sea-dOgs, and after gazing at them with
wonder, enquired Of wag who stood
near, ifthey ever barked. "NO, madam" !"
replied he, "nOt now; their bark is on
the sea-
"MADAM," said a trance medium,
"yOur husbands spirit wishes to COM
municate with yOu." ''NO matter" !"
said the widow. "If he's got no more
spirit i'm the other world than he had in
this, it's not worth bOthering about"
OLD PARTY (whO stammers, comes in
for so,na ipa..acanhal .-ssOh If Won