The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1876-05-23

When do two and two not make four ?
When they stand for twenty-five.
A Berks county farmer has moved
With the same scythe for. thirty-five
years, it's said, and be expects to use it
until he is no mower-NorristoWn Her.
Md.
Topic: Geological discussion. Prin-
cipal-"Was 1t colder or warmer a hun.
ired years ago than at present" Pupil
honestly)-"I really don't recollect,
sir"
If anybody was crowned Green of
May this year we don't know whether
she wore a Buffalo robe or simply sat
on her throne with hot bricks at her
feet.
A correspondent entered an Office and
accused the compositor of not having
punctuated his communication, when the
typo earnestly replied: "I'm not poin-
ter; I'm settef..'
An Illinois minister announced on his
Sunday night bulletin: "The funeral of
Judas lscariot." To which an obliging
fellow added, "Friends of the deceased
are cordially invited"
A Jerseyman married FIVE wives, and
they were all red-headed. He explains
it by relating that the first one clawed
the spirit out of him so completely that
be didn't care after that il he married
porcupine.
"Biddy, what's the mean temperature
of Summer weather in Ireland 2" said q
cockney to young Irish lass. "Mane,
sir! There's nothing name about Ire
land-bad luck to yees for dirty spal-
peen!'
The New York Sun knows Of gen
eral in the army who hasn't been clear
of debt for thirty-seven years. A De.
troit butcher says he knows of lots OF
men who would make good generals
Detroit Free Press.
Mr., Killsmith advertises in a. ST. Louis
paper for situation. We should think,
though, that a gentleman with such q
name as his would find plenty to keep
him busy all his lifetime. -New York
Commercial Advertiser.
How to raise cats First catch your
cats and tleu put them in a barrel and
explode can Of nitro-glyoerine under
them. 1t never fails to raise 'em; but
the cats come down greatly demoralized
-Norristo,cn Herald.
"a woman in Omaha, 100 years oi
age, has had her grave clothes on hand
for fifteen years" Unless said clothes
consist solely of pair of gloves, we
should think they would make her hand
tired. Kicksbnrq Herald,
Fond mamma about to get into car.
riage to small boy in the house door
"Now, Freddie, are you not going to
kiss me ?" Freddie-"I haven't time to
come down. mamma. ITO footman)-
John, you kiss mamma for me-" TIA.
bleau
A student who failed to pass. in bis
Greek history examination, repudiated
with scorn the insinuation that he was
not prepared. He had crammed him
self, he said, 80 tight that he could no,
get it out again.
"And canst thou always love me thus
Alfred" she murmured, seven when age
has crept upon me and left. his traces
here" There was pause on his part
but it was only momentary, when he re-
piled, in tone Of deep rcmonstrauce
'Can duck swim?'
A French writer says civilization
seems to be reduced down to the fine
point Of building iron-clad vessels ca
pable of resisting the heaviest projec
tiles, and subsequently turning out guns
sufficiently powerful to drill daylight
through their hulks.
A smart answer-A minister in one
of his parochial visits met q cowherd
and asked him what o'clock it was
"About twelve, sir" was the reply
"Well," quoth the minister, Il though
it had been more" "It's never any
more here" said the boy; 'it just be
gins at one again"
Dean Swift has found an imitator.-
An advocate of Colmar has left on,
hundred thousand francs to the loca
madhouse. II got this money" say
the candid lawyer in his will, "out o
those who pass their lives in litigation
in bequeathing it for the use of lunatic.
| 1,,lr n, BE-
The lightning rod man has thawet
out, and we may therefore look for hin
daily. He has, this year, .'the coppe
strip-the new and double and twisted
Centennial, silver.spangled, four prom
ged, nickle plated, double polished cleo
tric current conductor" which he vii
offer to his customers at the lowest rate
Get your shotguns ready Chillicoth
Register
/ A farmer who has profted by exps
rience, writes: I'm huiliing new barr
would put in all the windows I coul
possibly get in, Of course not making
green house of it; but as many as moi
folks put into dwelling houses. 1t is 8
much better doing the work in ligl
barn than dark one, cattle are MOI
! easily taken care of, and are more quit
f and better contented in a light plat
t than in dark one"
; One of the features of Ph;ladelphia
! Mr.. John Wannamaker's Sunday scho,
. of 1000 scholars. 1t is in the low,
part of the city. Its popularity is Il
}, large proportion of adult persons in a
:: tendance, OF whom there are 600, the
h ages ranging from thirty to sixty year
r To accommodate these grown-up st
dents Mr.. Wanpamaker has erected
. building containing forty rooms. tt
d school is under his own personal supe
intendence.
y Mr.. Corvin of London, in his valu
BILE pamphlet on hydrophobia, endors
q the theory of DR.. Thompson, accordil
q to which it is vulgar error that p
" tients in hydrophobia are mad. Th,
q are not mad there is no such thing
madness connected with the disease.
a The Duke of Richmond, who, viii
o Governor General of Canada, was b
|" ten by rabid fox, aud suffered fro
0 the most violent paroxysms, which e
ded in death, had sufficient fortitude al
g |self-control in The intervals to give
e necessary directions for the conduct
o public business and the settlement
hin 1x-ntc uA Fan