Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1876-01-08
Mrs. Bumzell and the Tramp,


Chicago Tribune.
Mr.. Philander Bumzell resides:at Rog-
er's Park. He is very fond of playing
practical jokes. All summer he. has been
a1niably entertaining his wife, who is a
timid woman and does not keep servant.
with tramp literature, and instructing her
what to do inisase one of the fraternity
should call at the house during his alb
sence. s'See, Lucinda" he would say, IF
one of them traInps comes to the house
and carries OH rough, just you say you'll
call your husband, or you'll set the
bic dog on him, andsif he don't get up
and get Just yell out, 'Philander. Philan-
der T or say. Sic him, Towser.' Don't be
scared. Lucinda, don't be scared"
1t occurred to Mr., BumZell that it
would be we'll to test his wife, and see if
she was as efficient in praetice:as she
claimed to be theoretically, so yesterday
he told her he had to 60 to Milwaukee,
and wouldn't be home till late. Then he
cunningly disguised himself as vagrant
man with some false hair and hair dye
and a suit of ragged clothes, and about
half-past ten o'clock he walked around to
his own kitchen-door.~ Hesfound it un-
locked, and, walking into the Kitchen,
was surprised to find that his wife was
not there.
''Just like those women" he growled
"A man might come i'm here and carry of
the whole house out of the door, andthat
stupid Iwomand never know it, Won't
have tile Joke on Eucinda, thongh!n he
said in rapture, as he pocketed the spoons
and forks. At this moment the door
opened, and Mrs. Bumzell entered. She
gave Shrek, and seemed surprised, then
said family: ~ 81
'What do you want, sir?'',
The assumed tramp replied:
Il want some, hot dinner. aud suit OF
clothes, and any money and plate you
may have in the house, and kiss"
Go way, you bad man, replied the
virtuOus matrOn. 60 way, or I'll sci
the dog on you. and BoSum is awful fierce
He bit Il man twice rs big as you, Tues
day. she added = Ok
liza. Fla y laughed the tramp, s'that's
too thin. Iou'veigOt 10 dog: you hain't
got an ounce of sausage meat on the
place. ois
IF YOU don't keep quiet. said Mrs
Bumzell, .'ll call my husband, you bad
man. Here Fred. Fred :" she shreiked
Us the tramp seized Il napkin ring.
Yell away" said he. with Il knocking
laughg your husband amt here. and his
names iii't Fred either EEsgfsgfT
"lIe isn't, isn't he? 1t amt, amt it?'
calculated big red-headel man, whom
MIR. BumZell had never seen before. as he
bounced i'll, in his shirt sleeves, from al
inner room. You internal scoundrel -
he cried, as with fearful kick he lifted
Mr.. Bumzell Ikea meteor out of the back
| door into the swill barrel. "Tll teach
you to insult my wife" and he hauled
Mr.. Bumzell ont by the neck and swabbed
the coal heap with him; you thought
wasn't i'm, eh ?" and he knocked Mr.. Bum
Zell's two eyes into one; "Hadn't got no
dog, neither? Here, NerO-soox =" and a
big bull dog with "a tail like a piece of
macaroni dropped bis lower jaw like the
tail board of "a eoal-cart and applied him.
self to the slack of Mr.. Bunlzell's panta-
looms.
Hi! Mercy! surrender! Don't shoot
Fire Police! Here's yer morning papers
Lucinda! I'm Bumzell!' yelled the UNI
fortunate! man After some difficulty,
they recovered a large percentage of him
from the dog, and, put it to bed, where it
was Identified as the property of Philan-
der Bumzell, of Rogers Park. Il subse-
quently TRANSFERRED Mrs. Bumzell's BROTH
er, Frederick, had just arrived from st.
Louis. as her husband left for Milwaukee.