The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-02-12
The Bald . Headed Baby.
By NJ. QUAD.

up, with his big blue eyes wide open.
Some of the people on the car merely
glanced at little ld-head-looked just
long enough to be able to swear, if
called upon, that it was baby instead
of goat. Others smiled pityingly as
they thought of his bald head breasting
the cold blasts of hard winter, and
wondered if woe and poverty and sorrow
had prevented u growth OF hair on his
pate.
Presently an old man left his seat
near the front end of the car, and bend
ing over the child, he asked of the
mother:
my dear woman, do you want to do
me great favor?"
"Why-why, sir" she stammered in
confusion.
II have not long to live, for l am old
and feeble" he continued, "but before
l die l desire to lay my hand on that
baby's head"
She made no objection, and he placed
his hand on the shining pate, moved 1t
this way and that, and asked:
Madam, have you given this child
cognomen yet?'
"Yes, sir, we've named him, she re-
piled.
"And, madam, allow me to hope that
it is a name BETTING the intellectual APP
pearance of the child"
"We call him Bascomb," she replied
in whisper.
'Bascomb Capital You don't know
what u load you have taken from my
heart I feared you had, like many
people. named him after some big man
or woman, or racing horse, or some
thing. You are sensible, you are, and
if 1 was brass band I'd come around
and serenade you this very evening""
She was very red in the face from EN-
barrassment, but he saw only the baby,
whose bald head kept trying to dodge
out from under his hand.
"Yes, I'm truly glad" he presently
continued, "tlat you didn't name him
George Washington. Washington was
deceiver, sure's you born, though lots
of Americans hate to own it. Did you
ever hear, madam, that General WASH
ington once stole II cider mill?'
"N-no," she stammered.
"You didn't? Why, it wasn't two
weeks before his death that he stole a
cider mill from II nice old Baptist min
lister, and if he hadn't died when he did
he would have been jailed and made to
pay smart money! If you had named
this child after Washington I could
never have met him without feeling my
heart ache over your lack OF judg-
ment."
Little bald-head shrank up to his
mother, and she turned and looked out
of the window. The old man, however,
continued
"And I'm so glad you didn't name
him after Daniel Webster. Mr.. Webster
was good public speaker, and he knew
considerable about business, but he
wasn't the man he was cracked up to be.
Why, madam, that same Daniel Webster
was caught with ham on his shoulder
one dark night just when he was the
most popularist, and he had to pay $500
to settle it. He was big man, and it
was all hushed up, while you and l,
madam, would have been jerked to Jail
in wink, because we are only common
folks. It makes me shiver when I think
of how you might have named this baby
Daniel Webster and blasted his bald
head for life"
She looked up at the bell-rope and
around the car, but there was no es-
cape.
Patrick Henry" softly continued the old
man, Us he rubbed the baby's head once
more. NAMED him after man who'd
hook fish off an orphan boys fish line.
know what I'm talking about, madam.
Patrick Henry had quite good learning,
and he wore good clothes, and you
cauldnt get counterfeit bill on him,
but he had his balky tricks, after all.
Would you believe, madam, that he
would walk seven miles ON a dark night
to hook seed wheat ?"
The bald headed baby had got tired
of the thing, and now began to cry. The
old gentleman nudged him in the ribs
and said:
"Bascomb, be good boy! When you
grow up, my son, beware OF polygamy,
Brigamy, and the many evil influences
to be met with around a corner gro
cery."
And he raised his eyes to the mother
and added:
"Well, don't know as I can give you
any hints as to how you had best bring
him up. If you should ever get sick OF
him ia take him in minute, for there's
something about his head which has
touched a tender spot and made me love
him."
She was yet four blocks from home,
but she pulled the bell.
"And I'm glad you didn't name him
General Jackson" said the old man as
he patted badly for the last time. Seen
eral jackson whipped the British at
New Orleans, to be sure, but what about
his passing a counterfeit ten-cent piece
on General Lafayette p? If you had