Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1876-08-19

Guess yoa must he liit!e green at the
painting business, eh 2"
"Whats the matter now" said Stao0lns'
wishing they would le. hin alone.
"oh, nothing, only SICK cat would know
that paint Of yours is too thin; nobody, IN
it. You might as well try to paiat 1t wh''o
with milk"
oWhy. a man told me not ten minutes ago.
that +, was too thick" said S,ubbns, put
ting up tie paint brush and ruminaiins.
"Some pudding headed idiot like yourself.
presume if you want your paint to last aud
look well, you've got to make il thicker -
Mark my words, said tie old gentleman
passing on.
Now. as these were two points that Stub
bins most particularly did want, he swa'.-"-
ed the old eentleman's uncomplimentary al
lusions. wen, into tie house, brought ont some
more paint, and mixed i.
He was daubiug away like mad when BIS
wife tapped at the window, and called bim
into ,be house for a moment to inquire what
time he wanted dinner. When he returned,
be found very mad man, with one eoattail
painted white, prancins around 90 the side
walk aad using prohne language enough fer
a crowd.
aWhy, in the ID and General Jackson
don you put up sign letting people know
that's ftcslly painted ?" be demanded Of Stub:
bins, as soon as lie came out.
"Wasnr tie silewa'k wide enough foryon
to walk on without rubbing VI oeaiosi ny
fence % inquired 5. sayasely.
Darn You and yoar fence too Look a.
nv coatr screamed tho man, holding up his
coat tail for S,ubbias inspection.
We'll, it was your own fault, snapped D
going back to his work.
The man went erumbling away, and few
minutes later as Stubtins was stopping to
sneak to bis ueigbbor, woman came along
and in getting out Of the way Of chi'dS
carriage rubbed . square yard Of paint Of on
her dress.
"soe that dress Of mine ruined with your
nasty paint" she said, furiously, sailing up to
where S was standing talking.
I'm sure, maam," lie eomUencel, "
Couldn't"
Couldn't Gldlcstieksl You cush! to bo
arrested! :" she exclaimed, shaking her larasoI
at him.
"If you'd look where you were sailing to
Won voulJnt hayo e,t any paint on your
skirts" said S. hoarscly.
Yes, and if was nan I'd whip you
t from one end Of this city to tho other" sho
spaIled. looking 50 wicked and inlammablo
,ba. Stnbbius backed OF into the gutter whon
ho looked o, her, and was heartily glad when
she took Der parasol cut of bis face and
Gounced away.
"Wen, If this amt plcasan, call me a cen
tenuial liar" be muttcrel, going back TO tho
fence when a stranger, wearing linen duster
and an enormous chew Of tobacco lounsei
up. squirtcI some saliva on the frashly painted
fence and said:
Painting up, hcy?"
ayes. aud / wish you'd find some place to
spit" sail 5. Grossly.
: "You amt worth shucks on tbo paint
Observed the new comer, taking aim az thc
,ate post with some tobacco juice and missing
it by a close inch.
y See here, want that splitting stopped D.
round here" said StuJJius, ge!,ing yery mai
, and garing at the new arrival.
S "You'ro a healthy Oh dluber, yon ar'
! ubyI wouldn't let you paint hcr-eooP for
= sick hen" remarked the linen dgs.er man,
con,emp.uously. How many coats arc yon
e going b plaster over it?'
"None Of your id business ~ screamed
S. nearly frantic with rage.
G "Wen, you're the sickcsi old painter ever
+ T struck" said tie louuger. 81 guess you
= must pain. cats for living"
I, was too much. StuJJius could stand /
= +. no longer throwing tie paint brush at The
c fellows head, which it missed, aud passing
d through pane Of glass, daubod Mrs 5. be-
a tween tie eyes. lie grabbed the linen-dus'er
mans throat, bot, after being jammcd up o.
r gains, the fuce, chokcd On tie front s,oop I'LL
>. his eyes started out, and rolled over On iLo
sidewalk. he managed to break the Summer
10 clad sen,lemans gFip and escaped into tho
house, where be told BIS WIFE, gho was BATH
% ing her blackeued eye
i "Td rather fall OF fcrfy-boai, be run
b over by an ice-csri. bitten by a ratt.esnaLa
and struck By lightning, than paint another
souare foo. Of tia, Internal yll fence