The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1876-05-25
HOUSE-CLEAXIS6.
RY BARRY GRAY.

BY BARRY GRAY.
| rfWbat a cOnfOunded state Of disOr-
der this house is in," ] said to my
wife, on coming home from business
the other afternoon. "If / didn't
know better, should think We were
going to move. Pray, tell me, what
are you about ?"
81 am about to clean house, my
dear" my wife replied.
"Gou look as if yOu were about to
become an inmate of an insane asy-
lum," l answered, for my wife was
shOckingly attired i'll dressIng-gOwn
that had seen better days and many
hOuse-cleanings. She carried a long
handled feather duster in her hand,
and had cap on her head.
"Oh, you may sneer at me as much
as you please, 'tshe said; abut / pre-
/ sume you would find difference in
the appearance of the house if it were
not that / superintendod the clean
ing.n
"What possible good is accom-
plished," / asked, "by turning the
house upside down in this manner
For my part / never could see that
you improve its appearance in the
least by doing so; it is simply con-
| founded bore, and have come to the
opinion that il there be one thing
dislike more than another, it is house
cleaning.H ~
"one thing is very certain" she re-
piled, (which is that you men know
nothing about it. Look at that cob
web in the corner there ~
And my wife male an attack with
the lohg-handled feather-duster upon
an inoffensiye little cobweb that /
thought rather ornamental than 9TH
erwise.
"NOw, don't yOu think" l said, "if
you were to clean one room at time
that il would be a great deal better
than throwing the entire house into
confusion at once. 4? Devote one week,
for instance, to the cleaning of the
parlors, another to the dining-room,
and so on. That is nay plsn."
cat that rate hcuse-cleaning would
last through an entire year, and ], for
one, am not disposed TO adopt your
plan. No, I want to put 1t all into rs
small space as possible, and get
through withit as speedily as / can.
II L nGlC " 4OlAOW lOul
the dust and dirt raised in cleaning
one room would be sure to settle, or
in some way get into another room
just put to rights, and the result
would be that house-cleaning would
never end. No; everything must be
! done at once"
"WelI, my dear" I said, am mot
attempt to argue the matter with you,
for / know 1t would be a very useless
task but must say that my moth
er, VINO understood these things, used
I to-'t .tt
"Of course" my wife interrupted,
"your mother did differently from
what / do. She was differently sit
uated, and could do as she pleased.
A widow, left as your mother was,
could have her own way in q great
many matters which we poor wives
can not follow. / know your mother
was very remarkable woman but
I trust that do my duty to you and
my children and my house as well as
1 know how. I don't,n continued my
wife, putting the end of the handle of
the feather duster into the corner of
| her eve, and brushing out an imagin-
ary tear, ''think it fair, or honorable,
or generous, or husbandlike in you to
be always telling me how much better
your mother kept house than / do. /
wish to gracious you had married
your mother"
"PoOh pooh % / exclaimed; l'YOu
know that wouldn't have been prop
er. / might have married your moth
eF, though, which would have been as
near as could have come to gratify-
ing your wish"
Ny wife smiled.
9fy mother wonldn't have had
you, sir, y she said.
"She would not have shown as good
taste, tiIen, as her daughter did," L re-
I piled. esH d
"Her, daughter sometimes regrets
the good taste she showed, my
wife said, misehievOusly.
81 think you are mistaken, my
dear,n answered ; "but / am ready
to waive the question, provided you
will tell me when dinner will be
ready. 1t is 6 O'Clock, and as yet I
see no signs of it.
81 thought L told you, before you
went away this morning." my wife
made answer, "that yOu would have
to get your dinner down town, for
/ that we should have none"
'You did say So" / replied "but /
tsupposed it was simply hint for me
to send home something from the
market, which did.n ~ Et
81 know you did-enough to feed
4 the Aldermen and their assistants
with. How did you think it could be
cooked when We we're cleaning
house ?'
81 didn't know you were going 10
! clean house" / said. 81 wish TO gra-
eIous had /; l wouldn't have come
home till midnight" Est
"Yes, and left your poor wife here
in the dust and disorder, while you
were feasting and enjoying yourself.
I am glad, now, you have not been TO
dinner, for you can see what j have
put up with-how have 10 get along,
| and how uncomfortable even TO me
hOuse-cleaning is.n
"I presume it is, my DEAR / said,
I'm a Modified tone CT voice, for L was
desirous OF having my dinner, and did
care to provoke my wife "and / am
very sorry that ycu deem it necessary
to engage in it. Why don't you sit
down quietly, and let the servants do
the work. ] don't think it necessary
for you to lift finger to it."
-"Nicely the house would De clean
ed, indeed" she replied, 'ff I did not;
You men know nothing about it, and
L just wish you wouldn't speak anoth-
er word on the subject"
"Very well, let me have some din
ner,n l replied, 'to put into my
mouth, and / will not. II there be
one thing dislike more than anoth-
er, it is going without my dinner"
''I am sure don't know said my
wife, "Whst you will have to eat, for
it is utterly impossible for me or eth
er of the servants to stop work at
present to cook anything"
''Oh, anything will answer" / said;
'4a piece of cold meat-pie, or a slice of
boiled ham, for Instance. That, to-
gether with an apple tart and a glass
of wine, / think will suffice. Let one
of the servants set the table IN the
library, and then send The things up,
il you please"
4 My wife laughed.
"If you think" she said, "that we
have any meat pie or boiled ham in
the house, you are greatly mistaken" P"
"Why, we had some yesterday" !
answered. "Wbere has it gone to ?''
"Gone too ?'' echoed my wife.
''DOn't you suppose the children and
servants must eat ,"
"Why, yes, certainly 1 answered,
ttbur'-
"But what ?' interrupted my wife.
"You don't think meat pie will last
forever, do you %