The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-12-14
Wit and HunlOr.

THE third river IN Scotland is the
Forth.
CAPITAL wanted: Constantinople for
the Russians.
ADA1I SMITH said: Man is an animal
that makes bargains" So does whisky.
The Polish historian, Bielowski, is
dead-above-sky at last, we may believe.
- Worcester Press.
SHAKESPEARE in horticulture That
which we caulifower by any other name
would smell as sweet"
A PAPER says that Sergeant Bates has
written his name Immortality. Yes, he
is sort of indeible incubus.
MATILDA, I am young and rich. I
can make you supremacy happy" "You
can, George, by leaving me forever"
He went his way.
IF you are going to educate your son
for the life insurance business, you must
instill in his mind that modesfy is not
the best policy Y0'akers Gazette.
"De MEN," asks an exchange, cat
tempt to gather grapes of thorns?" We
should say not, unless the night hap
pens to be unusually dark Worcester
Press.
"I'D have you to recollect that I am
Mr.. Falls, of Dungannon. The answer
was ready: ct don't care if you are Mr..
Falls of Niagara, you shan't ride over
my hounds"
GEORGE, dear, don't you think it
rather extravaganza of you to eat butter
with that delicious jam?" "No, love-
economical Same piece of bread does
for both i"
By the way, that's a good charade-
"My first (syllable) is company; my Sec
ond shuns company; my third calls COM
pany; and my whole entertains compa-
ny" Give it up? Why. co-nun-drum,
of course.-NeaO York Graphic.
"LooK, love-" he exclaimed, "only
$15 for suit of clotnes!" ISIS it
wedding suit 2" she asked, looking
naively at her lover. "Oh! no." he
replied; "it's only a business suit
"Well, [ meant business" she replied.
M. Co1oMBIEs, merchant of Paris.
recently deceased, has left $4,000 to a
Lady of Rouen for having, twenty years
ago, refused to marry him, "through
which" says the will, 81 was enabled
to live independently and happily as a
bachelor
"YoU look bored" said Mrs. Ma
coffin to her domestic husband, as he
stamped into the house and flung him
self YEARLY into chair. "And SO I
am" he replied, "bulletin board"
(Terriic applause and cries of "more. y
-HaaOk-Eye.
They have arrested bigamist for lit
orally hacking his second wife into
mince-meat. He admits everything.
"Miserable and sanguinary ofender!'
says the Judge, sternly, "of what were
you thinking when you butchered your
unfortunate wife," ST was thinking
that if the other one had been there I'd
have made myself a complete widower
while l was about it. "
cense clerks desk, between Clergyman
who had come to make marriage re-
turn and n.iddle-aged man waiting to
see one of the clerks. Clergyman
"Good morning, my friend; where is
that pair OF boots you promised to make
me instead of the fee which you had
not the money to pay when married
you2" sob, I'll make them the first
chance get; but I'll make two pairs
If you'll unmarry nae again.
The Grophic's poet thus records the
death of family OF newspaper borrow
ers, who contracted smallpox and other
diseases from their neighbours Journal:
A doting wife and fond papa,
Seven brave and intellectual sons,
Thirteen fair daughters, pure as nuns,
And two delightful mothers-in-law,
-Four beauteous aunts, one cousin (malel,
Six nieces and three nephews t6ats),
One poll and nine melodious cats
Not one remained to tell the tale
THE Citizen Soldier relates the fol-
lowing: Notwithstanding the reports to
the contrary, many of our militia do
attend divine service, and some are de-
vout worshipers, as many know; but
last Sunday ex-Major l. attended
church in this city, and having been up
pretty Late the night before at the annual
reunion of his old regiment, he fell
asleep, and when the passer round Of
the contribution box nudged him, ne
partially awoke, smiled and murmured,
81 l.