Middletown transcript., 1876-04-01
humorous.


TO San Francisco with another man.
Said an Irishman "It's mighty
fine thing to be alone; especially when
your sweet heart is wid ye" "
ibid you enjoy your visit to your
cousin, Martha?' Indeed / did ma'am,
it was as good as a funeral all the time.
1t is queer, but nevertheless true,
that there are certain things which are
never intoxicated, though they're al
ways drunk. We refer to toasts.
rs the captain Of your ship relig-
ious man r. asked city missionary Of
a Jack tar. "Yes." replied the latter !;
20 course be is-that is, when be ain't
drunk"
No one knows the harm debating
societies may do to young men: II
gives them confidence in their abilities
to such an extent that they aspire to
become statesmen
When q sweet little child skips mp
carelessly and rests its molasses-smear-
ed fingers on your light cassimeres. il
is we'll enough for you to remember
that Of such is the Kingdom Of Heaven.
A country editor, describing new
organ, says: 1.-The swell died away iE
a delicious suffocation, like one singing
q sweet song under the bedclothes. =
.Sheet music" is referred to, Of course
What the tyranny's coming to: (The
mistress having heard three rings at the
street door, goes to open it). House
maid-'.Oh, please MN. if that's any
body for me, am mot at home
An old Dutchman undertook to wal
lo2 his son, but Jake turned upon him
and walloped him. The old man con-
soled himself for his defeat by rejoicing
at his sons manhood. He said, "vell
Jake il smart fellow; he can yip bis
own taddy.'
When an Oshkosh clergyman stops
in the middle of bis sermon to remark.
Dearly beloved, it's awful dry.
thrill Of sympathy pervades the entire
congregation, and in the twinklipg Of
an eye hundred loaded pocket TASKS
are flashing in the air.
Secretary Bristow, SO the story runs,
was looking for house in Washington.
last fall, ana at length found one that
be liked. He asked what the rent was
"Seveu thousand year." said the
agent. The Secretary meditated mo-
ment and then said, Il was wondering
what could possibly do With that other
thousand. His salary is eight thou
sand year. He didn't take the house.
POLICY. portly Detroit citizen
fell in the mud, and another citizen
who had grudge against him called to
a newsboy twelve or thirteen years old
and said
If you'll 60 up to that fat man and
ask him what he picked up Ill give you
a quarter
Not for dollar-not for ten! ex-
claimed the lad.
'Why?'
L could;get away from him. | know.
but guess he'd be mad, and I won't
do it. I'm just growing up now. and
don't know but I'll wsntto be that
very mans son-in- law some day!
AN OLD-T1.E OrF1cE-SEEKER -
Governor Jack Tyler, Of Virginia, and
old Jack Dade had been chums. If
Dade was illiterate be was good soul
and companionable, and Tyler. one Of
the old-time fellows and man Of great
ability. liked him anyway: After Tyler
was inaugurated Dade made a trip to
the capital to see him. The interview
was characteristic. sfHC HTn|
Jack. old boy! how are you !? Come
in, said the governor, greeting the old
man as Of yore
.Governor Jack said Tade (for they
always called each other Jack), I want
q offs
The governor laughed Jack, said
be, what are your qualifications for
Office 2
We'll, now. Governor Jack, I kin
mix drinks. I kin mix your whisky
sling. and your port wine sangeree and
your tod said Dade, going over cat
alogue Of compound, and | kin drink
EN-. and you know it, s4
So they laughed together, on the
strength Of "reminiscences.
Well, jack said the governor.
what kind Of an Office do you want 2
Governor jack was the response,
I wants Office with bang-up big pay
and nothing to do! =.
Fun IN THE UNITED STATES SENATE
In retreat, near this city, is ex-Sen-
ator Nye, or at least what remains of
bis once brilliant intellect, genial quail
ties. aud manly person. Struck down
BY a melancholy disease, beyond the
nope OF recovery, ne only awaits nappy
release from earthly ills And yet few.
If any, remember him other than with
the kindliest feelings-when be is re-
membered at all. Happening in the
Senate one day. we found Mr.. Sumner
giving historical account Of the first
blood" shed in the rebellion. Mr. Sum-
ner stated that negro citizen had been
beaten and maltreated BY a mob at
Alexandra. had escaped from his per-
secutors, and. fleeing to the Capitol.
told the story Of his wrongs. When be
lifted his cap from his head, ''three
drops Of blood fell upon the marble
floor! A discussion followed in refer
ence to the services Of the volunteers in
Washington, who enrolled themselves
to protect the capital from invasion, in
which Senators Nye and Willard Ssuls-
bury Of Delaware participated.
Il was 10 Washington in that trying
hour" exclaimed Nye, land enrolled