The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1876-09-15
Miss Dimity Seeks Political information.


Miss Dimity knows all about it now.
She languished long time in ignor-
ance, and felt her situation keenly, but
at last she is wiser and sadder
She always wanted to talk politics
and belong to some party; but how
could she when she did not even know
the difference between Democrat aud
a Republican ? She looked anxiously
through all the papers to gain some in
formation on the subject, but the only
plain statements she found were that
the Democrats are all liars and swind-
lers, and the Republicans all thieves
and scoundrels. Finally she asked her
papa about it, and he looked at her
over his spectacles and said: "a Demo-
crat, my dear child, is-by the way, you
LETT Jumps in the heels of my stockings
when you darned them last week.
Girls nowadays are good for nothing"
Then she asked her big brother, and he
said: "Thats easy; ask me a harder
one. A Democrat supports the govern
ernment as long as the government
will support him, and Republican lets
no guilty man escape until he has
crammed all of his pockets and the
crown of his hat"
She next asked her sweetheart; but
he turned pale, and, falling back on his
chair, famed himself furiously while
he gasped: "Emmeline, my love, hope
you are not getting strong-minded. 1
could not think of marrying a woman
who knows more than I-than other
women.n
Next she asked a wise and learned
man, and he looked pompously at her
and said: "Too deep, my dear, too deep;
difference in the Platforms; very COM
plicated subject; could never explain it
to a woman. In fact, it's so deep that
[ don't exactly under-ah, believe you
could understand it.n
Then she went to an editor. They al
ways know everything; it is a Pc
culiarity of the profession. They can
get up theory and explanation of or
remedy for anything, inside of forty
| five seconds. She asked him, with suf-
| fused eyes, if he would please tell her
the difference between a Democrat and
a Republican. He looked a little
startled at first, stuck his pen into the
glue-pot, tumbled a pitcher of ice-water
over pile of exchanges, jerked up his
collar, and was "himself again" He
said: ga Republican has an Office and
wants to keep it. He thinks rag money
good, hard money better, but either
kind good enough. He thinks the
country needs reform. Salaries are too
low, and the people too inquisitive.
He cannot buy a $4,000 team of horses
on salary of $l,5OO year, but some
one must ask impertinent questions.
His country is dear to him, but he is
dearer to his country. A Democrat has
no office, and wants one. He scorns to
ask whether the money is hard or soft;
he only gasps, How much p He
thinks the country needs reform. He
wants change in office and change in
his pockets. He holds his country's
honor above price, and sells his own to
the highest bidder. He" but Miss
Dimity put her hands over her ears and
cried: "Please tell me the name of the
other party, to which honest men and
patriots belong"
Then that editor laughed an inhumau
laugh, and said: "LOng ago they took q
lantern when they wanted to find au
honest man. You had better borrow
half a dozen headlights and a garden
rake, and go and look for that party
However, if you are true patriot, you
will work for the Republicans, for they
all have cottages at Long Branch, and
villas in Washington and Paris, and
are pretty well supplied with funds
but the Democrats have been out long
time, their money is all gone, and theil
villas are mortgaged. 1t will be 8
dreadful strain on the Treasury, and
Miss Dimity did not wait for more
And now, when any one talks politics
in her presence, she listens with tha
benign sadness that is born of superior
wisdom.