South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-10-20


D'"What con l do to make you love
me more?" @ young man Of Romney
asked of his. girl the other evening
Buy me ring, stop eating onions, and !.
throw your shoulders back when you
svalk." was the immediate reply.
10 A fast man undertook the task OF |
teasing an eccentric preacher. "Do
you believe" he said, ..in the story OF
the Prodigal Son and..the fattel calf?''
Yes" said the preacher. We'll, then,
was it a male or female calf that was
killed." "a female" promptly replied
the divine. "Iow DO you know that?"
Because Cooking the interrogation stea.
Oily in the facc) / sec the male is alive
now"
Say, country, have you GIT any
hay seed in your hair?" cried city
chap, who was walking with his compa-
MONS down West Street. just behind q
farmer. "Waal, / guess there's lots of
it thar, seein' how the calves run arter
me-" was the satisfactory answer
ID Rowland Hill in his later life used
TO come TO his chapel in carriage. He
got an anonymous letter rebuking him
for this because it was not the way his
Heavenly Master travelled. He read the
letter from the pulpit, said it. was quite
true, and if the writer would come to
the yestry afterward with saddle and
bride he would ride him home. An in.
direct way Of intimating that the writer
OF the letter was an ass.
He WASTED ADvlcE.-Thc Raleigh
Sentinel says: An exemplary miniater
of the Gospel, residing in Raleigh, was
busy ut his sermon the other evening,
when a, caller came TO disturb him. 1t
was n stranger and he said his name
was Dolsockcr. He extended his hand
Tor shake, sat down, rs if in his own
house, and presently began:
II called to see ifyou could give me
n little spiritual advice"
Certainly, will, and be glad to-"
was the reply. Are You professor"
No"
Then you are thinking of turning
sour feet into good paths, hopc?"
We'll, perhaps" was the hesitating
reply.
Don't you want to be Chrietain?
asked the good man.
III tell you how i. is" said the stran.
ger, after quite lengthy interval. "ryo
got ticket in lottery, and wanted to
ask you if You thought it would stand
any better chance of striking tho big
prize if | was sort o good than it would
if L kept on being sert O bad?"
The clergyman didn't labor with Mr..
Dolsocker very long.
ALL OUT.-A Third street woman
went out to make call on q ncighbor,
just ut dusk, the other evening, and
finding only o lonesome looking boy on
the steps, she asked:
"Whero is your mother, bub?"
ooh, she has gabbed out somewhere"
Where's your sister,"
Gone Off on the 'scussion."
Isn't your father at homer"
Haven't seen him for two days"
We'll, what became Of the baby?"-
fssked the woman, rs she turned to 90.
THE baby Why, some boys took him
down on Lewis street to see dead cat"
And why don't you go somewhore?"
asked the lady, as she shut the gate.
Il am going-waiting now to 90 with
my girl down to Michigan avenue to buy
ONE onions and four cents worth Of
cherries"
The family don't seem to care about
callers.
"Biddy," said O'Mulligan to his
wife, its cowld We have. a drap Of
the crathur I'D do you no harrum."-
och, hone" said Biddy, I've taken
-he pledge, but yo can mix drial, Jam.
mic, and force inc to swally it."
~ One Of our adopted citizens sec.
ing bunch Of bananas the other day,
stood in silent astonishment for about
minute, and then broke out: Bogorra,
them Yanks beat the devil and now
,hey nail pickles 10 stick"
1'"iou areifrom the county, arc you
not, sir?' asked a city clerk Of q Qua.
lkcr who had insi nrrircL uYn- y ..NrnlI