Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-10-18

! A SPECULATIVE LOVER advances q
systemstic regulation Of the ancient
theory of the transmigration OF souls.
He saws: "My advanced theory Is an
ascending scale Of trans-or rather
super-migration, something after .ne
| following fashion; ten souls Oh .ne
cheese mite equal the soul oil oiue,
bottle fiy; five blue-bOttles' souls equai
the soul of bee; five bees souls equa,
the soul of bat; two bats souls equai
the soul of a rat; ten of the latter equai
the soul of q cat; five Of which souls
equal the soul of a sow; ten OF the same
equal the soul OF q cow; seven COWS
souls equal the soul of q gorilla; ten
porillas' souls equal the soul Of man ;
F.! i've souls of men equal one sou' Oh
girl like my Jane"
A COUNTRY clergyman who had been
accustomed to administer to the spiritual
needs of congregation In the oack-
woods, was called upon to occupy tue
pulpit of an absent metropolitan brother.
The day being excessively hot, and his
sermon exceedingly long, he made his
preparations accordingly. He first re-
moved his cravat, and then his collar
and GUS. and then his coat, and was
proceeding to get rid of his vest. when
there was a stir among the worshipers,
and one of them, rising, said In deep
deliberate voice, 81 don't know what
NAV be the brothers intention but per-
haps it might as we'll be understood, /,
before he goes on any further, that this
! isn't a bath house." He preached with
| his vest on.
OUIN AND FoOTE-These two wits
| had been for sOme time estranged, but
became reconciled to each other; when
said Foote, "Quin, 1 can't be happy till
| tell YOU one thing" "Tell it, then,
and be happy, Sam" ''why," rejoined
Foote, ssyou lately said that had only
one shirt, and that lay in bed while 1t
| was washed" ~ never said it," re-
piled Ouin; sand l'll soon convince
YOU that never could have said i'll
never thought you had shirt to wash"
ROWLAND HILL, when at college. was
remarkable for his wit. In converse
tion on the powers of the letter II, In
which it was cOnt.nded that it was no
letter, but simple aspiration, or breath
ing, Rowland took the opposite side of
the question, insisted on its being, to
all intents and purposes, letter, and
concluded by observing that If It were
not true it was g very serious affair TO
him, as it would occasion his being
ill" all the days of his life.
AT recent campfire Getting, con-
tralto orator named Mrs. Clark ex-
planned how it was. 81 knew" she
said, "when was sanctified, by this: 1:
[ made nv own dresses, and when they
didn't use to fit l got in rage and
scoIded and stormed. Now that ugly
feeling is all taken away, and l could
try on my dresses ten times over 10
make them fit and never get out OF
patience. My brethren, that's the test. ]"
A VICKsBURGER, seeing colored man
trading a knife for white vest, the
other day, said to him: Why, it's
coming on winter now, and that vest
can't be WORE; you are foolish to buy"
"Mebbe dat's so, boss" replied the
darkey, feeling of his head, ''but I'ze
determined to hev dat vest right whar
kin lay my hand on it in case dar
shouldn't be any winter dis year."
THIS world is full of bitter disap-
pointments and sudden trials that break
upon us like thunder from a clOudless
SKY, but at no time is the soul of patient,
much enduring man SO hardly tried as
when he goes 20 shave himself in
great hurry Sunday morning and dis
covers at the first pull that his wife had
opened a can of peaches with his razor
Saturday night.
A GEORGIA FAMILY has piece of we'd
ding cake one hundred and sixty years
old. The oldest daughter places it
under her pillow about three nights a
week so that she may dream OF her
future husband; and if she marries all
the men she has dreamed about her hus-
bands will outnumber the widows of
the Sultan of Turkey.
A WIT was dreadfully bored by a
stupid fellow who persisted in talking
to him on natural history. There's
the OYSTER" at last said the bore !;
whats your notion as to the idea that
the oyster is possessed of reason?" 81
think it may be true" said the wit,
because the oyster knows enough TO
shut its mouth"
A YOUNG LADY, when invited TO par
take Of lhe pudding, replied, "No,
many thanks, my dear madam. By no
manner of means. l have already in
dulged the clamorous calls of a craving
appetite, until the manifest sense of an
internal fulness admonishes my stay
my deficiency is entirely and satisfac-
tOrily satisfied"
An EXCHANGE says: "Solitaire dia-
mOnds, Us a rule, are mounted with high
settings " 1t is strange how experiences
tally. We have observed, as a rule,
ourselves that diamonds are mounted
with high settings. All of ours are that
way, but they look very well at night
when there are no clouds.
A CLERGYMAN, after preaching a tedi-
Gus sermon on happiness, during which
he enumerated the various classes Of
happy persons, asked one of his elders
what he thought of the discourse. "YOu
omitted one large class of the happy"
replied the elder, and that is they who
escaped your Sermon"
A YOUNG GENTLEMAN who moves in
the best society of San Antonio said the
other evening to young lady, 1.-The
foliage is much more exuberant this
year than usual" Yes" she answered
thoughtfully, "all them imported fruits
is cheaper than they used to was"
WHAT prettier sight can man want
to see than a sweet, pale, ETHEREAL Miss
of about seventeen summers, shutting
her dainty little ivories into her seventh
consecutive ear of hard boiled corn.
'Tis this, and such that makes August
the lOveliest month of the twelve.
The man who is fortunate enough to
win a bet with a lady usually gets it in
slippers. The common device is blue
silk rhinoceros roofing up a yellow
satin morass and most men of I'll ne feel