The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1876-12-19
FRESH FLASHES OF FUN.

FRESH FLASHES OF FUN.
II is terribly hard work nowadays for
an American prize fighter to balance his
time evenly between the "ring" and the
Penitentlary.
Santa Claus has begun to fill Brigham
Young's chlldren's Christmas stockings,
and expects by hard work to complete
the job in season.
w 18th eggs at present rates, what do
you think of this: OF all the birds that
please us with their "lays", the most
popular is the hen.
The editor of patent outside paper
is constantly troubled for fear that
something will come on his outside to
disagree with his inside.
1t is worth observing about these
times with what undaunted courage a
small boy will look confectloner's
show window square in the eye.
There is much less of obtaining money
under false preLense than formerly,
probably owing to the difficulty OF OBJ
tanning money under any pretense.
1t is no use for man to put his watch
under his pillow before going to sleep.
Waking up in the night he can not tell
his watch ticking fro II his bed ticking.
S.eep can be courted Dy laying a jug OF
hot water at your feet OH retiring. Pro-
ianity can be cOurted considerably
quicker if the cork to the jug comes out.
1t is poor policy for a young nan to
engage himself to a young lady late in
the fall. 1t sometimes happens that the
money which goes for the ring is needed
Tor uuder-clotnes.
When a man composes himself for a
nap in a railroad, and draws his hat
over his face, nothing "riles" him more
than for some woman to accidentally set
her baby down on 1t.
Nv hat did the PurItans come to this
country for?" asked Massachusetts
teacher of his class. $50 worship in
their own way, and make other people
90 the same" was the reply.
Aristarchus-Yes, young man, Roman
Punch is as old u beverage as its name
implies. Romulus took the first dose OF
it mat was ever prepared, the time Re-
mus puueled him in the diaphragm.
Will the man who writes "Directions
for RasusciTating Dro wned Men" and
''How to Prevent Sun-stroke" please
change his step for season, and tell us
what is good lor a cold in the nead9
Young Mr.. Bikins, being accused by
his present sweetheart, confessed that
he had been jllLed maybe some i've or
six times; possibly less; possibly more;
but he didn't like TO be eX-sacked about
it.
The great poets of America are all
nearing deaths door, while the rising
generation, who ought to De their sue
cessor s.. are the most promising lot OF
rail-splltters that ever essayed 10 write u
verse.
When Stanley comes back here, clad
in u palm leaf hat and a gold bracelet
and desires the President to give au-
dlence to the King Of UmOikiyou, people
will understand that his stay III Ailica
was to some purpose.
"Do you take me for FIJI CannibalT
was the indignant reply of country
man, who was.asked at dinner at an up
town hotel, il he would have some Char
lotte Russo. He had no appetite for
female flesh just then.
The average American politician
learns how to address tnepublic at three
years of age, and keeps on improving as
years slip by, until at twenty-one years
of age he can howl like a tornado, and
consume more whisky than sponge.
Why is it that two young peop'e never
do get SO divinely spoony aud senti-
mental over u hot oyster stew as they do
at the same taUle, III the same restau-
rant, over plates of Ice cream? We
don't know wny tits, but they never do.
The ease with which modern mou Sc
can circulate in and around pate nj
mouse-trap, deVOuring as much. of the
bait as he thinks his stomach can di-
gest, and then wlping his mouth aud re-
tlring comfortably to rest, is one Of the
marvels Of the century.
The Presidents message is a very
practical document, but il doesn't cover
the whole ground. He doesn't once al
lude TO the new game OF polo, and the
present rage Ior cardinaliin feminine
fashions Is not discussed at all. These
bold omissions invite much criticism.
1t is easy enough to say "L .ugh and
grow fat" but the lat won't come unless
you give the man something IN IRE than
an empty plate to laugh at. Plenty ~
eat nGfnterfere with unrestrained
laughtef. That's what Shakespeare
means when he says: ga man may smil t
and smile, aud be tillin'."
Sheridan, being on Parliamentary
COMMITTEES, one day entered the ruom as
all the members were seated and ready
| To commence business. Perceivlng No
empty seat, he bowed, and looknlg
round the liable with Il drou .xpressi0h
I OF counteuance said, "Will an gentle-
man ns0Ue thaL may take the chair? =
The versatile tramp, altering his tie
meanor and adapting his occupation 10
| suit the changing seasons, no longer
appeals for broken yictuals, but patient