Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-04-26
Anything You Want.

Anything You Want.
Trousers obtained on credit are
brooches of trust.
whats going on p said we'll
known bore to Douglass Jerrold. II
am" was the reply, and OIL he went.
It is said that every young lady
riding in the cars through the Mt. |
Gents tunnel gets ready to be kissed
in the dark.
Down in Arkansas they have a
company of cavalry mounted OH
mules. Asa mule-itary company it
81 said to be a success.
A physician boosted at dinner that
he cured his own hams, when one of
his guests remarked doctor, I'd
sooner be your ham than your pa
tent"
Grace Greenwood has won an en-
viable reputation. "But what is that"
she asks, against the dreadful fact
that l can never ride mule except
on sidc-saddle
Wheat is four feet high in Texas.
They have tarantulas i'm Florida,
oranges in California, and influenza
in Boston. Come, gentle Spring.
New York Graphic.
A few weeks ago, near Paducah,
KY, the peach trees were stripped of
their blossoms, but now they are
blooming again. This is the right
kind of spunk.-7oledo Blade.
Here is the model verdict of COR
oner's jury: 1--WE do believe, after
due inquiries and according to our
best knowledge, that we do not know
how, when, and where said infant
came to its DEATH"
An American started bank in
Alaska a while ago, but the natives
couldn't get checks, drafts, exchange
and discount through their heads, and
so they took all the money the banker
had and called it square.
A Western paper announces
the illness of its editor, piously add
ing: "All good paying subscribers
are requested to mention him In their
prayers. The others need not, as the
prayers of the wicked avail nothing"
Canada has entered at the Centen-
NAL $50 horses, 16O neat cattle, 800
coops Ofpoultry, and as many sheep
and swine. England will exhibit in
all classes, and some stock will be re-
ccived from Germany, France and
Spain.
A very tall man was in the streets
of Boston, when an old lady who ad.
mired his gigantic stature, thus ad.
dressed him: "Mister, were you
large when you were smallp" eyes
,, marin, ! was considerable big when
was little"
, Ideas of pluck differ in different
, States. In Michigan, woman who
/ killed a bear was presented with q
nice snow-shovcl. In Iowa, Cir
: who threw pepper into her fathers
: eyes was given \ full set ef cora
jewelry,
Boston Post. The London Sport
ing Times offers reward of five shil.
lings to the man who will send it the
worst joke. Here's chance for Ell
e Perkins. Providing of course that
Eli can buy off the New York Herald
personal man, responds the st, Lonis
: Republicans.
: The Wheeling CIV. Va.) Registe,
I claims that the old Southern leaders
have learned too sad a lesson to try
/ mfsrqle that the largest class of the
= yuln hn mr.
I slavery traditions, and that the old
!. fellows talk emotionally, while the
young South is practical and sensi'
I BILE.
g A romantic, festive cuss at a $50.
! ciable" not long since, used the we'll
l known quotation, "a fellow feeling
makes us wondrous kind,' and asked
l his ris-a-vis what she thought abou,
a it. The guileless creature, thinking
: she had to say something, replied
ats owing to who the fellow is."-
BrNns'cicker.
Il A young lady at party, when In
I vited to partake of the pudding, re.
) piled, "No, many thanks, my dear
I madam. BY no manner of means.
f have already INDUCED the clamorou,
, calls of a craving appetite, until ths
! manifest sense Of all internal 'fpllness
, admopishcs my stay my deficiency ii
, entirely and satisfactory satisfied"
Charles Fox had an unfortunate
creditor who insisted that he would
not leave until day for payment was
named, "Will you go then 7" asked
: the minister. "Yes, and not trouble
you until the day arrives" replied the
! dun. "Well, Them said Fox, slowly
81 will pay you on the day of judg-
: mcnt. But stop; rs that will be a
: very busy time, let us make II the day
after"
An impecunious but ingenious
tramp has left the colored population
of Georgetown, Tex, poor in pocket
and sore In body, by initiating them
at $250a head into"a lodge of Free
Masons." The principal part of cere-
mony, next to paying the fee, consist
ed in trying the candidate on a table,
face downward, and branding him
with a hot poker:
It has been demonstrated in Ala
bama that a negro can be killed by a
blow on the head, but not that his
skull cap be fractured, In VOW in
an Alabama prison tho other day,
one negro convict assaulted another
with an iron pot weighing ten
pounds, but, though the wounded
man died of conclusion of the brain,
a post-mortem examination failed to
show that the blow had affected the
!, skull.
I Meridian (Miss.) Homestead SAYS
"a Mr.. Dorian, ofesides near Mo-
bile, has engaged in a very noyel en-
terprise, the culture of terrapips (mud
turtles, and rejoices in a terrapin
farm, What sort of farm this is, or
how to cultivate the terrapin, we are
not able to say, but we are assured it is
a success, and that all Mr.. Dorlin's
ltcrrapins are engaged for the Naw
York market.
The English Navy is an expensive
affair. IN 1875 the expenditure was
$53,925,OD, which, it is said, will
advance this year to $50, 944 1866, while
for the same service during the same
period, tho United States will be
called upon to pay less than $2l ,OOO, GOO.
One fruitful source of the enormous
expenditure by the English Govern
ment grows out Of the fact that 1t will
not build its vessels by contract.
Nearly all the vessels now under
construction are armor-plated iron
ships.
The assurance of the lightning-rod
man was never better illustrated than
the other day when he applied to the