The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-07-22


Oh, list FOR the cricket now far and near,
Shriilfully sngeth his roundelay
And the negligent noodle his noisy cheer,
And where the doodle.bug eats the hay.
By the way, it may he well to recoicct that
mineral water and cucumbers fight waen they
meet within the human frame. The fight is long
and bitter, and during its progress the human
frame lies or the bed and takes the form of a
corkscrew. Paste this in your hat for future
reference.
All who advertise do not get rich, but pre-
cous few get rich without ii.
1t may be consoling to know that while we
roast the Laplander is cold enough.
| Early windfall apples are coming in, and the
small boy is undecided as to whether he is a
boot-jack or q pair Of ice tongs; but generally
goes around with his hands clasped across his
equator, looking as ii he didn't care how soon
the Republic went to pieces
Mr. Lovejoy has taken his annual pic mic
to last three weeks" having gone to the noun
tains of New Hampshire. To relieve many anx-
ious hearts, we would say that it is generally be.
lieved here that he is-not married.
When young man has climbed over the fence
into her back. yard in order that he may sit there
and muse and watch the light in her window,
nothing pleases him so much as TO run against
the clothes line and discover that she only had
one pair of stockings in the wash last week.
The festive fly is in his glory, and housekeep-
ers are in quandary how to prevent him from
49,, -, all over everything.
One Of the sweetest things in this world is q
sixteen year old girl baby-though you can't
make woman who is mother for the first time
believe it when her ch(er)ub is only three mos.
old
l. is curious. We never thought it was so bad
This week we have had no less than 10 youths
ask us how we knew they broke down that gate
Ysu know
Now is the time for lovers to get spoony oyer
ice cream, she taking pretty dab at his vanilla
and he borrowing taste OF her chocolate. This
process inspires confidence in the day when
they will be throwing corn beef and cabbage
across the table.
We are credibly informed that the "blind
picnic at Debolts Springs ON last Sunday was
a succcss-all got drunk, on sulphur water. The
fddlers for the dance were our poor blind con-
feds" but it seems they could see" the beer
all the same" Some one predicted to us, as
they went out on last Sunday morning, that
they'd never come back alive. They never did
come back to us, and the last we heard of them,
they ,oere dead-druuk. One man living in the
neghborhood, a granger, was led into the ways
that are crooked and hic.cupy, so entirely and
completely that his wife came for him. She
wanted to know what was the matter with him.
He said he was " sun struck" She remarked, AS
she took hold Of that left ear and led him of,
" that she'd cure him. We expect she did but
he hasn't been in town this week and neghbors
say he hasn't entirely recovered yet-that his
eyes look as though the sun-strokc had been
concentrated on them. The rest Of the party,
however, not having loving wives to look after
them, did get home, but very much demoralizcd.
The colored troops fought nobly on yester-
day and Mrs Pete had to uit y