Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-02-26
WIDOW sMYTH's HUSBANDS.

/ "Ker chew, ker chew, ker chew"
| tNf -<> f&4
! WIDOW sMYTH's HUSBANDS.
| The widow Smyth called at Mr.. Mix's.
marble yard the other day, and the fol-
lowing conversation ensued.
/ Mrs. Smyth.-Mr. Mix, / am anxious
to have my cemetery lot fixed up, to-
put in new tombstones and reset the
ratings; and Icailed to see II I could
make some satisfactory arrangement
with you.
Mix.-Certainly, Madame. Tell me
precisely what it is you want done.
Mrs. Swell, I'd like to- have q !.
1 new tombstone put over the grave of
Johnny husband, you know--and !.
have q nice inscription cut oni There
hes john Smyth, etc. You know that
/ mean; the usual way, OF course, and
may be some kind of q design on the
stone Ikea broken rosebud or some
thing. -.
Mix.-I understand.
Mrs. Swell, then, what'll you
4 charge me for getting UP headstone
like that, out of pretty white marble,
and little picture of torch upside
down, or weeping angel on it, and
the name Of Thomas Smyth cut on it?
4 Mix.-John Smyth, you mean ? s'
Mrs. S-No, mean Thomas. oa 81
/ Mix.--But you said John before.
Mrs. ST. know; but that,was my
first husband, and Thomas was my
second, and I want new headstons for
each one of them. Now it seems to me,
MIR. Mix, that whore person is buying
more than one that way, you. ought
4 to make some reduction in the price,
throw something off. Though, of course
want a pretty good article at all the
graves. Not anything gorgeous, but
neat and tasteful, and calculated to
please the eye. Mr.. Smyth was not o
man who was fond of show. Give him
thing comfortable, and he was satis-
| fed Now which do you think is the
Iprettiest, to have the name in rsiised
letters in straight line over the top OF
! the stone, or Just cut the words g Alex
ander P. Smyth" in kind of semi-cir-
Gle in sunken lettersp
Mix.-Did / understand you to say
Alexander p? Were you referring 10
John or Thomas2 j: sgaaa sa,
Mrs. S.-Of course not. Aleek was
my third. I'm not going to neglect his
grave willie ! am fixing up the rest. /
/ wish to make complete Job OF it, Mr..
Mix, while I'm about il, and I'm willing
for you to undertake il, if you are reason
able in your charges. Now what will
4 you ask me for the lot, the kind I've
described, plain but substantial, and
sunk about two feet, should think at
the head of each grave2 What will
you charge me for them, the whole iour?
| Mix.-Well, I'll put YOU il these
4 three headstones
Mrs. S.-Four headstones, Mr.. Mix,
i not three. t8
\ Mix.--Four was it? No, there was
John and Thomas and Alexander p,
that's all you said, / think. Only three.
! Mrs. S,-Why, / want one for Adolph
| too, as a matter of course; The same as
the others. i thought you knew that i
wanted one for Adolpb, one just hike
Johns with the name different Adolph
was my fourth husband. He died
about four years after I buried Philip,
and I'm wearing mourning for him
now. Now please give your prices for
the whole of them. s5a sas sstA s
Mix.-Well, madame, I want to be
as reasonable as / can, and Ill tell you
what I'll do. You give me all your
work in the future and I'll pu: you in
those five headstones at hardly anything
above cost, Say. gass
i Mrs. S.--Four headstones; not FIVE.
Mix.-I think you mentioned five.
~ Mrs. S.ANo, only four. sHslai is' B q
hIix.--Let's see; there was John and
Thomas, Aleck, and Adolph and Philip.
sI Mrs: S.--Yes; but Aleck and Philip
were the same one. His middle name
was Philip, and always called hhn
4 Phil. ~ s~ Rs'5a l
Ne Mix.--Mrs. Smith, I'M bs ..much
J, obliged tosyoa if you'll tell me precise
ly how many husbands you have plant,
ed in that cemetery .ot. This thing
is getting a little mixed. Y Isl e sss sss e ''
Mrs. S. What do yon mean by say
ling plantedg" Inever planted any
|. body. Its disgFaceful to nse such lan-
guage. sas 4y ssf ~ q. Z, NJ
Mix.-It's technical term, madam.
We always use it, and I don't see that
/. it's going to hurt any old row Of eorrses
i named Smyth. Planted ID good enough
, for other men, and is good enough for
{ them. IN s,ss Z. !. =. &;
Mrs. Sod row What II you
mean. you impudent vagabondf 4
Wouldn't let you put q hcadstone on one
OF my graves If you'd do IL for nothingA
/ Then Mrs. Smyth bounced ont of IA
shop, and Mix called after her as kho8
went out Of the door. II /.
"Lemme know when you 90 fok
another man, and I'll throw him 81 III
tombstone for q wedding presents 1xa6
| will want il soon ,,,s Il &,
/ Mrs. Smyth ia now looking At h6o(
stones in marble yard ia Whining