The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-06-02
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
HIGH water-twelve cents quart for
milk.
The greatest gift of preaching-know-
ing when to stop.
WHEN do two anG two not make fourl
When they stand for twenty-five.
A NORWICH man who sells onions is
down in the directory as dealer in
bulbs.
WHEN daughter of foriculturist
wants anemone, she goes to her poppy,
of course.
man never wakes baby up for the pur-
pose of hearing it laugh.
The supposed reason why they call
sensational report canard is because
one canard-ly believe it, you know.
IT is said the stomachs of persons liv-
ing on the sea coast, where oysters and
CLAIMS are abundant, rise and fall with
the tide.
DON PEDRO is anxious to meet the
poets of America. So were we-before
we went into the newspaper business
w OJCcoCcI- Il Tcoos
BURROWS naive answer, when re-
preached for having disseoted his sister
in-law, was "Mon Dieu, madam, the
woman was dead.
In China very few women can write,
and, consequently, there is not much
postoffice Irritation between the sweet
sixteen sheathens and heathens.-Nor-
ristOaOn Herald.
YALE has Prof. Beers as well as
President Noah Porter. A college with
Yales, Beers and Porters in Cider puts
the-malt-o- blush. Beers is greatest on
Hebrew Lager-ithms.
A WESTERN editor met well-educated
farmer recently and informed him that
he would like to have something from
his pen. The farmer sent him a pig and
charged him 1915 for it.
He was too solemn; he didn't suit in
| Nevada. The chairman of the farewell
committee expressed it we'll. Said he:
"Now, you can git, pard; we amt agin
religion out here, and it riles us to see
Teller spilin it. Git"
AwAeGrsH wight "a shrewd one, tooA
Once tsld me that he really knew
girl that put her humors of
| And ceased to scold, to laugh and scof
To weep and sorrow DER romances,
And went no more to plays and dances.
| doubted long-at last he said,
The reason is, the woman's dead"
Dom PEDRO is successfully wrestling
with the American language. He told
the long-winded Mayor of Omaha to
hire a hall, and remarked to Mrs.
Grant, in the idiom of her sex "That's
re kind of hairpin / am."-New York
Graphic.
"WELL, doctor" inquired ON anxious
Troy husband, "and what do you think
is the matter with my wife" "Oh,
nothing serious I; possibly little humor
of the blood" "No, that cant be, doc
tor, that can't be; she's been out of hui
NOR for ten days past"
A MINISTER in one of his parochial
visits met a cowherd, and asked him
what o'clock it was. /" About IL, SIR"
was the reply. "Well," quoth the min
lister, CT thought it had been more"
"It's never any more here" said the
boy it just begins at again."
"WHAT in the world induces Mrs.
- to wear so many puffs and hounces 2"
said lady at ball, as the person refer
red to swept past, billowy vision of
millinery. "Why," was the reply,
"she has INDUCED so much in fashion
able dissipation that she has the 'delir-
ium trimmings"
A oocKNEY gentleman stepped up to
give his testimony "There was vast
crowd gittin' about i'm, hand one said
the man was killed, hand hanother said
the same hand / hexclaimsd, with O
loud voice, 'Hif the man his killed, why
don't you stand back hand give i'm
little hair T."
"PAPA, me has been baptized, amt
me z" asked little three-year
eyes, DEAR" "Then, me won't have
to be baptized again ?" "No but can
you remember anything about being
baptized ?" 81 dess I cam" swell,
what did the minister do to you7" "He
showed up my sleeve, and stuck knife
in my ARM"
PROF. GUzzLEroN Ito Fair Chatter
box: Are you aware that our host
has French cook?" Fair Chatterbox
$50 hear" Prof. Guzzleton "And
that that French cook is the best in
Londonl" Fair Chatterbox $50 L
believe" Prof. Guzzleten "Then
don't you think we had better defer all
further conversation till we meet again
in the drawing-room 9'-Puneh.