The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-04-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

of ,o;no,x" at La Sale; and states that Judge lie
land on account of illness, will be unable 10 hoi'
court in "Bruce county" this spring. Have TIT
minors" been encouraged to rebel against paren
tai authority because there can be no court hcl'
in "Bruce" county this spring?
Dana was rejected by the U. s. Senate as min
lister to England because he is alleged to be
"literary pirate" n he had robbed the treasury
like Belknap. Boss Shepherd, Robson or Bah
cock, he would have been all right.
II WAS observed that when Olive Logan salt
woman must take up the cudgel, she looked Sc
verely at Mr.. Skies That gentleman said, Ger
tainly, my love;' but directly he mysterousl]
disappeared, and hasn't been seen since.-hoth
ester Democrat.
"GraEt" says Washington correspondent
never has any money" 1t is very Illuminating
10 the pride Of an American citizen TO see the
president Of his country tumble around IN MS
pocket for Is cents without finding as much as q
nickel, and then say TO the bartender, johnny
Just put that down, will you"
We are indebted to Owen Farrelly, oithe r. o.
news room, for copy OF dulue 10 IEe Diaeh
Rills"-Aurord Herald
That's candid, st least to acknowledge your
nCtDlcOucbs Sut ou's nc ~ "S'S' '''N ''S'
it be more manly to go and pay what you are
OWN Farrelly, and say nothing about it'
One OF the latest lodges OF the saloon keepers
is to stick up big card over the lunch table
with the following printed on it in large letters:
Lunch, brothers, lunch with care.
Lunch in the presence OF the barkeepalre,
And help yourself to the sassenjaire,
And touch very light on the strong buttaire,
And pay your bit on the mans countaire'
After man reads il over twice he becomes de-
lirlous and orders "=tOei glass" until he becomes
blind drunk.
The Cincinnati Times says: when Chicago
belle stubs her toe 1t takes the pain 80 minutes
and II seconds to reach her ankle" This lie an
outrageous SANDER Prof. Helmhotz states that
pain is Transmitted through the nerves at the
rate of So feet per second. A little arithmetic
shows that the Chicago bellies foot, II the above
were true, would be l97,4S4 feet long. 1t is an
infamous falsehood; there are but few Chicago
girls who have feet half that long.-Ch Times
"You have lost your little Ratchet is the po
lite way of telling man what he is when he is
one.
There have been many definitions Of gentle,
man, but the prettiest and most pathetic is that
given by q young lady. "A gentleman" says
she, as a human being combining woman's
tenderness with mans courage "-Er.
To understand exactly what is meant by a
"woman's tenderness" you must see her get her
claws pto the face OF that hussy" whom her
husband took to the ball the other night, leaving
the wife al home.
Thomas Jefferson rode on horseback to Wash
ington, htched his horse to a rail fence, and
walked over and was naugurated; but it wouldn't
be safe to try that now, as while he was beng
sworn in one Of his cabinet officials might steal
the horse.-New York World
Though a hundred years old and practiced
with success every LIST of April, the joke is still
cutie presentable in rhyme:
On the walk hat did lie
And this gallus chap sailed by,
And he cut lively swell
Just like a clerk 10 hotel;
And he gave that hat kick,
And he came across biick--
Now upon crutch he goes,
Minus half pound OF toes.
st. Louis woman insists that you mustn't
hug your friends sister on the back stairs. That
itn't the question, however. What the world
wants to know is, who's been tattling this time?
-Rochester Democrat.
Charles Francis Adams was in Chicago recent
Iy. The Chicago papers made no mention Of
the fact, and now the Springfield Republican &C
cuses the Chicago papers OF conspiracy to de-
feat his nomination for the presidency
Mr. Vinegar will address the Editors associa.
ton at Oswego, n. Y. He is acid .uoIsly prcpar
ing himself, and sharp speech is expected
Cticl10 Times
II is astonishing that the proof.readers Of the
leading newspaper Of the northwest don't know
how to spell so simple word vinegar"
An Albany girl, Departing Of ever being able
10 support herself, took x, snck last week for a
husband
Minnesota girl is named Happiness, II the
old py-books are right her father must be Mr..
Contentment.
The famous colored songstress known as the
Black Swan is dead She was no swan at all, for
while it is well known that swans die singing, or
ought to, the colored lady in question had stop.
ped singing for year before her death
All this 10 more tue than poetical
"In Adams fall
We sin ned all"
At Belknaps tumble
We all must grumbe;
All! Ill the act,
And sad the fact,
Twas wOmans Nlles
Caused both their guiles!
Let's reckon, then,
How good We men
Would be
Were shc
Abolished,
Demolished,
AID we, from her released,
Could do just as we pleased!
-thcdgo TriJap
Th Toosrr, ,,;rls are called the prctty nos
abilities since the Chrstiancy episode. And III,
bachelor Senators Of Christiancy's age are called
old probabilities Philadelphia Buttetm
The Courfr-JourHdl upholds women in sendin!
two-dollar bills to help pay the National debt
II takes their minds from f'teendollar bonnet'
as it were.
The Joke lie on Jimmy Duncan, late mayor Q
La Sale The Morris Herald relates that Jlmm
4 Al..L.I