The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-11-25
VARIETY.
Do accountants get much exercise running up

Do accountants get much exercise running up
columns?
The following notice is posted conspicuousy in
a Scotch Office "Shot the door, and when
you have done talking on business serve your
mouth the same way.
Donn Piatt: medical exchange says that
many men, if they can't get whisky, will get
drunk off ether. '' How happy could they be
with ether were t'Other dear charmer away ~
A scotchman being asked by hismi mister,
What kind Of a man was Adam?" replied
Oh lust like ither folk The minister insist
ed upon having moro special description.
" WeeI, naebody got anything by him, and many
lost
prisoner before the Judge Peters the other
day, in Oxford county (Me.) was asked If he
had anything to say before sentence. His limbs
were unsteady and his eyes were set, but he got
on his feet and politely inquired, '''POn what
subject would your Honor be pleased to have me
dress the Court2'' Judge Peters did not press
the request.
"Pa, did you tell lies when you were little?''
The father endeayored to eyade the question.
The child persisted.
Did you tell lies when you were little?"
. Well, no. said the father; '.but why do
you ask7''
Did ma tell lies when she was iittle?'
81 don't know, my son; you must ask her. !"
Sas4 Well" retorted the young hopeful, 90 one of
a boy that would do it"
Danbury Neps young Danbury boy pro-
posed to bis father that he go fishing, but his
father had other business for him that day
Father '-s said the young man, 81 do you know
what Solomon said about boys going fishing Z"
Solomon didn't say anything about it, !" re-
nlied the parent ss Yes, he did. He saied if
Won spare the rod you spoil the child -''
won't spare it," said the old gentleman, prompt
ly. And ne didn't, but the son thinks he got
hold of the wrong end.
BARNuM is profoundly detected, according to
the Commercial Advertiser. The United States
beat him at the show business, and he can never
recover from the modification of the defeat nor
forgive his ungrateful country. When last seen
he was driving pair of woolly horses, in COM
pany with rhinoceros, in striped pants, with
paper collar, clutching borrowed umbrella in
his paws. There was speculation In the old
showman's eyes.
The Kankakee (lll) Gazette bursts out over
local episode as follows 50 There were thirty lone
entries at the baby show of the Will county fair.
There were babies lean and babies fat; babies
named Ethel and babies named Pat babies long
and babies short some with a howl and some
with a snort; rs ugly as Satan and homely as sin,
each baby surrounded by all its kin. Such
mob I Such q breeze And to think OF being
committeeman on those babies Why, they were
thirty women after the show who declared IN the
most excited and murderous manner that the
man never lived who knew anything, anyhow !"
A BLACK EYE-When man is splitting wood
and a stick flies up and blacks his eye, he must
prepare to endure all the taunts and jeers which
the world infiicts on pirate. Social standing
counts for nothing, and dignity can't be made a
mantle Of The other day, when compositor
on this paper took up his little ak and broke
stick in two and one end flew into his eye, he
knew that he must either remain in the house
for two weeks OF go out and face the world s
sneers. He decided to face the sneers, and dur
ing one short halliday he noted down the follow
ing expressions
:. rs all right; Of course it was stick of
wood. Oh, yes"
s. Been fighting again, eh ?'''
50 Well, who knocked you down this timer
ssOh, I've had the same thing all my eye, and
aIways laid it to q stick of wood"
"Ha, ha. The policeman struck hard, didn't
hep
he!''
Then there were some people who pointed him
ont as the abductor of Charlie Ross and people
who thought he was one of the Gadis Hill rob-
bers, and over fifty respectable men asked him
why he didn't get the other one blacked so as to
have pair-EIciaHgs.