Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-06-23
WHOLE NO. 2s9.
FACT AND FANCY.


the presence of hand organ2 Because, of
course, it makes u-sic of music
A philosopher being asked what was tho
hrst thing necessary towards winning the
: love of woman, answered-"An opportu-
nifty"
A heavy frost in Austria on the 9th of
May is estimated to have caused forty million
dollars damage to the crops. The crops in
Italy have also been injured by cold weather
When you see a man trying to clean a
paper collar with piece Of rubber, or
wearing the same inside out, you can make
up your mind that he has been struck by the
hard times.
Old but apropoS Scene-A market.
monday morning, man buying strawberries.
suddenly thought strikes him, and he saws,
81 hope these strawberries were not picked
on Sunday2" Marketman-"No, sir but
they grew on Sunday"
The situation in Texas is thus summed I'M
by one Of the local papers "The gentle
snap OF the frolicksome revolver is becoming
quite promiscuous, and the gentle buzz OF
the bullet rivals the bee that bumbleth and
the mosquito that hummeth."
philadelphia is swelling like toad"
says an envious New Yorker. "Our little
neighbor reminds me of the story Charlie
Backus tells in the minstrels. Mr.. Backus
lady said to him, lis that your natural
mouth, or do you use glove-stretchers p"
The "great unknown" turns up in Cohoes,
N. Y. His name is John Welch, and he is
an employe Of Parson & Co.. in their knit
ting mill. If his own words are true, he is
the luckiest man Of the centennial year, hay
ing, as he says, won S125,000 in lottery.
81 don't miss my church 50 much as you
suppose" said lady to her minister, who
had called upon her during her illness "for
l make Betsey sit at the window as soon as
the bells begin to chime, and tell mo who
are going to church, and whether they have
got anything new on"
The Cincinnati Enquirer calculates that,
letting 1000 represent woman's chances of
marriage In the whole course of her life, 1876
OF those chances are lost when she is seven.
teen years old, 5SS when she is twenty-oue,
9l5 when she is twepty-seven, 992 when she
is thrty-three, and the entire thousand when
she is forty-fve.
An eccentric man in Monroe, Mich, has
built church. and back of the pulpit has
placed large sab lettered as follows:
mo man will be allowed to preach in this
church who breaches from manuscript, who
does not kneel while praying, who belongs to
any secret society, or who has his life in.
sured in any way"
lie first placed his property in his wife's
hands, and then began to run up bills, which
he refused to pay, and she didn't care to
settle. The officers told her that, unless
collateral was provided, her lord would
have to go up for six months. Her placid
reply was: "Let him 90, he will earn his
board there which is more than he does
now"
81 cannot marry you" she said; "I do
not love you as wife should, but | could
always love you dearly as a brother" And
then he said, 81 do not come from the city of
Brotherly Love-" and left her to repent.
But he went there, and is now a member Of
the centennial guard while she is pining at
home % because she cannot 60 the exhibition.
Thus every day are the mistakes of life
time made.
In the criminal court in Paris the other
day German, named Alphonse Baer. was
sentenced to months Imprisonment for sell.
ing quack medicine. The magical drug
which was advertised as specific in afFec-
tlons OF the nerves and epilepsy, under the
name OF ea~ anti-neuralgiqWe, was found to
be brandy, with an infusion of tobacco leaves
and burnt sugar. The receipt from its sale,
however, in the last year amounted to $780,
900.
An infant sea-serpent has been picked up
near Cape Flattery and taken to Port
lownshend, w. T., whence it will be sent to
the Centennial 1t is seven feet long. and
Its head, of a conical shape, measures % in
'hes In circumference 1t had pair of for
nidabie jaws, thIckly set with powerful
eeth, and has prominent fn, above and
below, running the entire length of the BODY.
Il is different from anything heretofore seen
q that locality.
"There is one thing on which a husband
md wife never have and never can agree
md that is on what constitutes well-beaten
'arpct. When the article is clean it's A
mans impression that it should be removed
md he be allowed to wash up and quietly
etre' But womans appetite for carpet
'eating can never be appeased while a man
las a whole muscle in his body. And if he
waited until she Voluntarily gave the signal
o stop he might beat away until he dropped
Iown dead. 1t is directly owing to his su.
'erior strength of mind that the civilized
Vorld IS not widow this day. Daabury
Ne1cS.