The Red Cloud chief., 1876-04-13
HUMOROUS.

Mr.. Currsn was asked what IN Irish
gentleman, just arrived in England,
could mean by perpetual!y putting out
his tonfuea Answered, II suppose he's
trying to catch the English accent"
Speaking of names, a lady once &C.
costed another at an evening party thus
"Why, don't you know met I'm u
Hogg." Her father had borne that name.
IT'S done. The Ohio Legislature has
enacted a law defining the ex act weight
of a bushel of onions. When the vote
was reached there wasn't a dry eye in
the wigwxm.
Little four-year old playing with her
dolls: SNOW, you lay there, my dear,
and you lay there" Mot er-"Why,
Edie, you know that isn't right; you
should say lie." "Oh, no, mamma, I'm
playing they are chickens"
"No, indeed" said Mrs. spilkins, when
Leander falsely accused her of wanting
a back pew in church 80 as to see the
spring bonnets. "No, ind eed, I wouldn't
be capable of any such vermifuge as
that"
A N evads sheep man, who had tried
and succeeded with sheep, said: "Sheep
are better than a government bond; you
can tear of a coupon every six months
half as big as the bond, and tn, bond il
left as big as it was"
josh Billings says: "There is one
thing about a hen that looks like wis
dom-they don't cackle much till they
have laid their eggs. Some folks are
always Dragging and cackling what they
are going to do beforehand"
A bright little three.year old in Hart
ford, having become a little mixed be-
tween her religious instruction. and her
nursery rhymes, gravely relates: 1.-THE
Lord is my shepherd, and He has lost
His sheep, and He don't know where to
find them"
A little boy said to his mother the
other morning: INA, I had the bea uti.
fullest dream last night you ever saw.
I dresmt that I wouldn't 60 to school
and that you went out into the va I'd and
cut a great long switch, but just as you
was going to give me an awful dressin'
the world came to an end! Didn't I gel
out of 1t easy, thought"
In England they tell how sankey
walked up to a g%renadier, and, taking
him affectionately by the belt, said
"Young man, I likewise am q soldier,
q soldier of Heaven" "Old 'un," re-
turned the grenadier, "you're a long
way from your barracks, anyhow"
1t was a Cheyenne small boy wto was
being talked to by a Sunday school teach
er on the sins andfrailties of the body,
and was asked: "Wvll, my SOD, what
have you beside this sinful body9 Quick
IS thought the urchin responded: "a
clean shirt and a nice new pair of
5reeches."
A fellow was dou biting whether or not
he should volunteer to fight. One OF
the flags waving before his eyes, bearing
the inscription, "Victory or DEATH"
somewhat troubled aud discouraged
him. "Victory is a good thing" said
he; "but why put it Victory or desth9'
Just put it Victory or Crippled, and I'll
60 for thatw
A North Carolina negro thought he
could outrun a locomotive, the other
day, on the Air Line Road, and when he
picked himself up, after being thrown
twenty feet, and landing on his head,
he said: eyer don't ketch dis yer chile
doin that agin. It's a right smart won
der I didn't tear desc britches clean off,"
A S"uthbridge mau, slightly slight"
came in contact with a tree. As quick
as thought he raised his bat, begged par
don, and passed on. Three other trees
having met him In this unceremonious
manner, he DOTTED his chapeau, and,
placing it under his arm, backed up
against the fence in apparent medita-
ton. A friend passing at the time in
quired what he was doing. He replied,
81 am waiting for the procession to
pass"
Rebeson, the jolly mariner of Grants
Cabinet, was walking down Pennsylva-
MIA avenue the other morning, with about
half a yard of handkerchief streaming
from his coat-tsil pocket. A friend,
overtak1ng him, thus accosted the old
Jersey salt: "Bob, I guess the navy
department must be going to take in
sail, for I see you've got your storm