davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1876-01-06

tongue, pulled it this woy, and tha
moved It up and down. and exclaimed:
"Nicest job ever exhibited in the pro-
fession! call it the invisible splice,
but you can see the junction right along
there. The new part is a composition
known only to me, and can't betray
the secret. If there were only cancers
enough I'd d'make my eternal fortune in
six months"
"Well. I wish you speedy recovery"
remarked the reporterias he rose to go.
"Glol plol- ohl," replied the man,
smiling blandly."
"Good>bye."
"Glool lool," be answered.
II tell you." said the surgeon, as he
came out on the walk. mot one man in
10. 900 could have done that job without
spelling the mans speech forever. -
Detroit Free Press.
, 1876-01-06

DANGER FROM COPPER SAUCEPANs.-
The precise danger from the use of cop
per saucepans, or stewpans, imperfectly
timed, is far from rightly understood.
1t appears that the acid contained in
stexs and other made dishes, as lemon
juice, though it does not dissolve copper
by being merely boiled in it few min
utes. nevertheless, if allowed to cool and
stand in it for some time, will acquire
poisonous matter, as verdigris, in the
form of green band. or crust. inside
the vessel. 1t has likewise been proved
that ,oedk solutions of common salt,
such as are daily made by adding little
salt to boiling vegetables, fish or meat,
act powerfully on copper vessels, al
though strong solutions, or brine would
not affect them.
1t is, however, vain to hope that
cooks will attend to the nice distinctions
by which copper stewpans may be
rendered safe; the general advice given
by prudent physicians is, therefore,
against their use at all.
, 1876-01-06

RENEWED INTEREST IN LuE.-A wife
in vicksburg inform I'D her husband the
other morning that she was working
herself into the grave for the want Of a
hired girl, and as he went out, she
leaned back and fell to weeping. The
children were making q noise in the
hall, and he cried out:
You want to stop this racket. Your
mother won't live week, and when you
get step-mother here next Spring, she
won't put up with any such fooling."
When he came home to dinner, his
wife met him with smile, and said:
"Isn't ours a cosey home, Richard,
with only our own little family to look
afttr?"
, 1876-01-06

MADE'A SAv1NG.-A man about fifty
years of age called at Justice Potter's
Office yesterday and said that q woman
was to be there at ten o'clock to marry
him. He sat down and waited until
noon without having seen or heard Of
her, and then said he guessed she had
backed ou, "Well, I'm sorry for you,
replied the Justice. Eyes, I'm kinder
sorry, too," said the old man, "but ]
s'pose I've saved two dollars by her
backing out, and maybe I'd have to
buy her $15 worth of clothes afore
spring!'- Free Press.
, 1876-01-06

p All Jim, who was eradicated by a
shot in the back DUNG one Of the re-
cent battles in Virginia City, has been
fitted out for his voyage to China. The
body was inclosed in $50 casket, q
fan was placed in one hand and silk
handk erchief in the other. In his mouth
his mourning relatives inserted a ten
cent piece. and placed convenient to his
hand some Chinese money. In order
that means for amusement might not
be wanting, three packs of cards were
placed in the coffin, and then the whole
was inclosed in stout pine case. If a
corpse cannot make 6,00O-mile jour
ney with such an outfit it is very hard
to please.
, 1876-01-06
MORE D1snrrurAB1E JOURNALISM.

MORE DIsREPUTABLE JoURNAL1sM.-
The Victoria Colorist, in gross violation
of journalistic prophecies, publishes III
its advertising columns. a narrative oc-
cupying over four columns, in fine
print, pretending to give revelations Of
crimes committed several years ago,
embracing robbery and murder. impli-
eating several of the most highly re-
spected and reputable citizens upon
Puget Sound. The story is like o
"Tale told by an idiot,
Full of sound and signifying nothing"
Its incoherance, and the improbability
of the Incidents related as facts, stamp
it ON all discriminating minds as the
insane imaginings of mind diseased.
The author, an otherwise inoffensive
monomaniac, has been repeating this
tale for several years past to all who
would listen. without eiiciting credence
from any intelligent listener, or ex>
citing any other emotion than pity for
his infirmity. The newspaper pubh-
cation and endorsement is all that now
gives it any claim to notice and it
is the publisher, not the ostensi-
BILE author, who alone is responsible for
the malicious and unfounded scandal.
Our community, unfortunately, is SO
constituted that the most improbable
scandals against the purest and best,
from the most disreputable sources, find
willing credence and current approval
from many scandal mongers who de-
light in reducing all above them to their
own base standard. We have seen that
even so disreputable thing as the IN
telligenccr has its believers and endorsers
in its ISLANDERS upon gentlemen of the
highest social and political standing in
the Territory. So long as respectable
people not only tolerate but support
newspapers controlled entirely by mer-
cenary or malicious motives, the char
acter of the community must suffer and
the reputation of no man, however cir
cumspecti in his conduct, is safe from de-
famation. The only explanation that
We can find for the appearance of this
absurd scandal in the Colonist is, that
the publishers name is Higgins. Let
poets say what they will to the contrary,
there is something in name nomen-
clature and traits of character have
uniform associations.
, 1876-01-06

E Henry VIII, so runs the story,
having quarreled with Francis l., resol-
we'd to send an ambassador to deliver a
message to that monarch in the most
meuacing terms, and appointed Bishop
Bonner to execute the commission.
The Bishop told the king that the en-
bassy would cost him his lite. Henry
replied that if any harm befell his rep
resentative he would instantly cut off
the heads of all the Frenchman in his
dominions. $50 you may. sire." OBJ
jected the bishop; ''but l fear there is
not one of them that will tit my shoul-
ders."
, 1876-01-06

The GHOST BUSINESS ExPosED.-Pro-
fessor Baldwin has told all about all
the spiritual mysteries, including that
of Katie King. At an exhibition he
turned water into wine by simply turn
ing it from q pitcher into a glass;
This was done with chemicals. Then
the pillory was brought forward, and
Mrs. Baldwin was firmly secured
therein. The lock was sealed and the
doors were closed. In few seconds
the doors were re.opened, and the lady
walked forth free. The explanation is
simple. The lady has small wire with
which she picks the lock after first re-
moving the wax. and then liberates her.
self. There is enough room allowed hel
arms to reach the lock, though it is
seemingly impossible to do so. The
seal is easily put over the keyhole o1
the lock without being broken. The
"spirit tie" was thsn exposed. Me-
diums profess that the spirits tie and
unite them. but the professor explained
how by clever manipulation Of the
ropes these apostles tie and unite them
selves. The professor also said that
the "spirit tie" was much more secure
than than any committee tie" he evel
knew. He then related little incident
of the humbuggery practiced by the
Eddy brothers. He was walking in a
garden with William Eddy, and his at
tention was attracted towards piece oi
white paper. which was being tossed
around by the wind. William said that
by simply wa7ing his hand he could
get enough electricity from the clouds
to set the paper on fire. He then
turned to Horatio and told him to place
stone on the paper. Horatio did 80,
he turned his eye on the paper and in
q moment it was burnt up. The brother
Horatio, explained the professor, when
he placed the stone upon the paper,
poured drop or SO of a mixture oi
phosphorus and carbon upon the said
paper. This, as soon as it became dry,
ignited, and the medium called upon
Baldwin to view the wonderful spiritual
manifestation.
, 1876-01-06

T A lady called upon a milliner
the other day to get the character Of
her servant. The respectable appear.
ance of the latter was beyond question
ing. "But is she honest?" asked the
lady. II am not SO certain about that, -
replied the milliner; II have sent her
10 you with my bill dozen times. and
she has never yet given me the money"
, 1876-01-06

w The reputation of generosity is
to be purchased very cheap; it does not
depend SO much upon mans general
expense as it does upon his giving
handsomely where it is proper to give
ut all. A man, for instance. who should
give a servant four shillings would pass
for coyetous, while he who gave crown
would be reckoned generous; SO that
the -differance of those two opposite
characters turns upon one shilling.
, 1876-01-06

He WAS PUZZLED. family living on
Cass Avenue found good thickness of
cream on some milk that had been
standing over night, and when the milk
man made his usual call the pleased
housewife exhibited the cream, and
said:
81 never expected to see this"
The man looked at the cream, ,winked
wisely and solemnly, scratched his head,
and replied:
.sWell, 1 don't know what ails it, but
you can throw it out, and I'll give you
fresh pint in its place."
, 1876-01-06

V Quinine should not be eaten af-
ter hearty meal of India rubber; the
spermaceti contained in the former will
unite with the oxalic acid of the latter
and wagon grease will be evolved with
disastrous results. Before taking q
bath the entire body should be carefully
washed. Then lay on q coat of tar and
get into the water. 1t cant touch you
anywhere. 1t is not SO fashionable as
it was to chop cord of wood before
breakfast; none but very old men, who
cling to traditions of youth like lean
leech to stuffed frog. ever do it, and
they commonly perish at it. Getting
out of bed in a perspiration is to be avoid
ed-always lie in bed as long as You
can find any excuse for it. Nothing is
more injurious than the ordinary meth
cd of going up stairs: it causes the alkali
in the blood to settle in the corns, pro-
ducing arianism and strangulation. The
proper way is to lie on your stomach
and go up feet first. Never sleep with
your eyes shut; it is degenerate habit.
Bathing, as intimated above, is conduc-
ted en- wrong principle. 1t is .proba-
BILE that the custom might be advantage
onsly abolished altogether. Bath-hous-
and bathing-rooms in dwellings are a
thing of recent growth. Our grandfath-
ers seldom or never bathed; and it ia
conceded that they lived to be several
hundred years old. Potatoes should al
ways be eaten with the skins on; skins
contain bicarbonate of mucilage, which
is just what the liver requires. When
the custom of giving the skins to the
poor originated. science was wholly un-
known. There are more things it would
be well to know, but strict compliance
with the rules already given will enable
you to live as long as you will wish to.
Further instructions wopld not prolopg
your misery.
, 1876-01-06

- Yesterday man who was stand
ing in front of a coal stove in Detroit
barber shop was asked who he was 60
ing to vote for next week for Mayor.
He backed up against the stove and ex-
citedly replied:
For -who-ouch-b and brim-
stone!'
He admits that the campaign has
opened red hot.
, 1876-01-06


consult from one to a dozen surgeons
about his tongue, that useful membe,
being hampered with q cancer. The
doctors took look at the tongue. shook
their heads and: Hum-hnm."-
Gathered in solemn council, they
agreed that the tongue mnst cone off,
or at least about third of it. They
assured the man that they could make
very neat and scientific job of it, and
once his tongue got we'll they could
splice it. as sailors splice a rope, aud
give him as much tongue and as much
talk as ever. The patient consented,
and the new tongue was in operation
yesterday for the first time. The sur
geons were jubilant, and they invited
our reporter to call around and see the
job. He went. He found the patient
sitting up. looking pretty fair and will
ling to give all the information be had
about him.
What is your namc?" asked the re.
porter.
"Wholl loll roll loll, was the prompt
reply.
Where do you belong?"
lilly lolly bloll, rolly doll." he re-
piled.
One of the surgeons stood by, and he
clapped his hands and shouted:
"See there! Why that man talks as
plainly as you or L! I tell you, it was
the neatest scientific job of surgery evel
done in this town"
After brief discussion with the sur.
geon on the antiquity and uses and
abuses of tongues, the reporter turned
to the man and asked:
Ibid it hurt you much?"
"Whilly Twoll lol slolp' he answered
"And how do you like this splicing
business?"
"Whol fol hill bill lol!" he said.
"He feels all right. of course,
chuckled the surgeon. "Why. man, h'
works that moral principals would pre-
vent him from attending a juggler's per
formancc unless he advertised to Civ,
SIS worth of jewelry to every ticket
holder"
The reporter asked himsif women
tongues were ever afflicted with cancer
aud the surgeon replied that he neve
heard of case-they were never q
rest long enough for any affliction tt
take root.
"And you think you can in time man
age your artificial tongue. do you?'
asked the reporter.
'Ihl plol slal al Who'll, answered eht
man.
SIN timer' echoed the surgeon. "Why
you blockhead. isn't he using his tongue
now? Can't you understand every wore
he says?"
The reporter didn't answer, bu
leaned back and wondered how tht
splice was effected. He had dim idea
of boiler rivets, shoe-patch cement
water.lime and so-forth. and finally
asked to see the job. The patien
opeued his mouth in response to th'
request, and the surgeon grabbed tn
, 1876-01-06

CocANUT TCRAcKERs.-To one pint GA
oatmeal add one gill fresh grated coca
nut and one gill and two spoonfuls of
water. Roll out to one-eight of an inch
thick, cut into fancy shapes with cake
cutter, and put them into very slow
oven. so that they shall dry out rather
than bake. Or if the oven cannot be
spared so long. let them stand warm
elsewhere to dry, and at last put them
into the oven a very few minutes, not
enough to brow n them.
, 1876-01-06

WHAT WAS HURT.-A witty old judge,
who hadspent one evening with young
lawyer, whose Office was on the second
stor;, on taking his departure. stun
bled on the stairs and fell to the bottom.
The young lawyer, hearing the noise,
rushed out, and, seeing the jndge lying
on his back at the bottom of the stairs,
hastened down. and with great anxiety
asked. SIS your honor hurt?" "No, u
said the judge, scrambling to his feet.
'but my legs are"
, 1876-01-06

W Reporters should always be even
tempered men. but when one rushes
wildly ten squares to get vivid account
of man breaking his leg, he may be
excused if he can't find any words in
the dictionary to suit the occasion when
he discovers it is a wooden leg.-Edston
Free Press.
, 1876-01-06

q After "Uncle Daniel Drew" had
subscribed 5000, 900 toward funding O
new Methodist college he remarked to q
friend one day: swell, sir, I didn't
know where the money was. coming
from. I was worried over it. and SO
made it subject of prayer. After fast
ing and praying over the matter for one
day went down on Wall street, and in
less than "a hours skinned those fell
lows out of 100000.
, 1876-01-06

T An Austin man who was fined
$40 for sleeping on the sidewalk, re-
marked to the Juoge that he must think
the sidewalk was o seventeen>room suite
in the Palace Hotel when he charged
that price,
, 1876-01-06
T Country book peddler to Foul

p Country book peddler to Fourth
street woman-''Yes, but the work is
both instructive and humorous" Won.
an-"That amt the point. You see my
husband has crippled SO many agents,
and you're nice looking young man,
and 1 hate to zee you hurt. That's him
comm in the back way" The young
nan said there was nothing compulsory
about it, and was gone.-lTerre Haute
Express.
, 1876-01-06

A CAPE COP VILLAGE As nearly as
one can ascertain in a residence OF q
few hours, there are bat two streets in
Provincetown which in any other New
England town would be dignifed with
that title. They appear to run parallel
to each other. but q careful investiga-
ton is necessary to a verification of that
supposition. Indeed, the popularity
which strikes stranger most forcibly
is the absence of streets such as one. is
used to. The two to which allusion
has been made are narrow and crooked,
indeed; but the cross streets are in most
cases wide enough only for.the passage
of one wagon. and in many cases they
are open at but one end. The main
street, narrow and winding, the houses
irregular and low in most cases. and the
plank sidewalk of different grade every
foot or so. But, after all, it is pleas
ant old street to stroll through, espec-
tally at night. when there is clear view
of the moonlit haibor, with its fleet of
fishing vessels. On pleasant evening
the shops are all open and lighted, and
their keepers stand at the old-fashioned
half-doors and gossip with their GUS
toners in just such way as to remind
one of the descriptions he has read of
old French and Dutch fishing towns.
Above the main street, and not far dis
tant, is the second street in importance
and is occupied almost entirely by
dwellings. 1t is between these two
thoroughfares that the strange passage
ways that serve as streets run.
, 1876-01-06

How TO BEr.-A Yankee arriving in
Boston without money or friends was
revolving in his mind whereby he could
raise the chink, rs he expressed it.
Jonathan had never visited city be-
, 1876-01-06

e. Now as the married man gives
the cut direct to female acquaintances,
glances up ane down the streets as he
enters a saloon, and takes cloves after
his cocktails, his plying friends shrug
their shoulders and whispers: His
wife's got back"
, 1876-01-06
THE SEATTLE
:!
CONDUCTED BY G. A, WEED, NJ, D.
COMMERCIAL ST., BETWEEN
MAIN AND JACKSON,
SEATTLE. W. !.

VENo MEET THE PRESSING WANTS- OF
Il many person on Puget Sound nesding
Medical and Surgical aid, and for cemfortsble
rooms, good care and Moderate Prices, L
have fitted mp = Hospital, where every conven-
ience and comfort will be provided in,conreo-
ton with experienced and shillful Medical snd
Sur gical attendance.
We aim to make this permanent Institution,
and to give special attention to cases of fracture
and injuries of all kinds that are constantly Oc-
c1irring in the saw mills, coal mines sndIog-
gipg camps surrounding us.
Seattle being centrally located, with regard to
these interests, and more accessible than any
other point, We mean with the aid Of these~ad-
vanta9es. and by giving personal and thorough
attention to its entire management, to build up
an Institution indispensable to the sick aid dis
al who have no homes, and worthy Of thoisr
confidence and that Of the public.
The Hospital is in pleasant and healthy To-
ethe rooms neatly and cheerfuliy fur
nished.
For further particulars apply either in pe-soas
or by letter to GA WEED, NJ. D.,
feb 16 Seattle, W. ia
, 1876-01-06

The GREAT CAvERN.-The Wilkesbarre
(Pa.) Times says: Zone of our breport-
ers visited the scene of the recent mine
disaster near Plymouth. on Monday
morning. Proceeding through the tun-
nel and slope about 900 feet into the
mountain, he found couple of miners
loading car with coal. and was in
formed that they were removing the re-
mains of large pillar which had been
crushed by the recent convalsion.-
What was singular in regard to the de-
molition of this column of solid coal,
seventy-five to one hundred feet, was
that it was rent ssunder by some ex-
treme pressure from below. The rail.
road track had been crowded up to the
top of the slope, height of some eight
feet, and was packed as closely as is
possible to conceive. The coal was rem
dered as fine as if it had passed through
breaker, and some of it was fairly pull
verized. The whole fall of rock at the
Chauncey and Grand Tunnel mines is
estimated at about one hundred acres.
forty over the Chauncey and sixty to
seventy at the Grand Tunnel. Mr.. Al
brightson, who has mining experience
of sixty years, and Mr.. Roberts. who
has beea actively engaged in mines for
nearly fifty years. pronounced this to
be the most extensive cave of q mine
ever before heard of in the world. The
cause of the unexplained fall must re-
main mystery, and it is possible that
it will never be satisfactorily accounted
for. except upon the theory that an
earthquake was the moving power"
A BAD Man. As ST was coming up
town from the Atlanta and Richmond
Air Line depot on yesterday, he in
dulged in little song all to himself.
Two other negroes passed by, and one
of them shouted back:
"Pin up yer onder lip, ole man, an
stop that racket"
"Who yer talkin' ter?" said 81, stop
ping short and turning round.
'' Talkin' to yer; who yer tink I'm
talkin' to. you ole Guinea rooster. you?'
"Yer don't know me. do yer?" said
81.
II don't know who you is; you amt
no grand army OBJ de public, no howl"
Look hyar, 1 am de mos discour-
ageous niger in dis Atlanty city. and
I'd jist take dis hyar head and butt yer
inter de fore part oh Christmas week, 1
will"
"You're da-"
Just then ST took run With head
bent down. and two seconds after there
was sick niger in the mud, wanting
nothing unoer heavens but doctor.
And as 81 went on, he remarked over
his shoulder:
"I'm a bad niger; allus wus; wus
fore de war, bad all in de war, bad arter
de war, an am de loudes, buttiu' niger
you eber read bout IN books wild de
leabes all out an de kiver lost"
, 1876-01-06

The man who does nothing don't
amount to much. 1t makes but little
difference whether he is millionaire or
q pauper. He is only stagnant pool
without even energy enough to start a
ripple. He diffuses a moral miasma
over everything around him. Do some
thing; don't stand on the corners gaping
with your hands in your pockets like an
idiot. The world was made to work in,
and if you fill your hearts with good
angels. the bad spirits will keep out be-
cause there is no room for them.
, 1876-01-06

here?''
EYES,"
"What do you pay?"
"That depends on your capacity.
Have you worked on custom work."
II reckon. You jest try me. Captain;
I hain't skeered q bit at tryin?"
The proprietor gave his new Land a
bench and materials and bade him
make pair of ladies' CATERS. Soon af-
ter he left the store on business.
Jonathan made shoe. but such a
horrible affair that. ashamed to show II
he hid it in the shavings. just as he
completed the second shoe the proprie-
tor returned. He few into u passion al
beholding the botched shoe.
"You confounded rascal, so bad a
shoe as that has never been made in
this establishment he exclaimed.
Would you like to bet on that, stran-
ger?"
bet. Yes. I bet $40 no such work
as that was ever done In this store"
Jonathan walked to the shavipgs,
dragged forth his first shoe, and, coolly
pocketing his $40, walked off.-Inland
Monthly.
, 1876-01-06

w A citizen of High street left town
with his family A or 5 days ago for q
short country trip. and the Oldest boy,
a youth of 13. was instructed to hail
some farmer and contract for q Winters
supply of potatoes. When the father
retarned the boy met him at the gate,
saying:
"I've got them 'taters. par'
How wany?"
"Ninety bushels in the cellar now and
forty more CO ming tomorrow" replied
the exultant boy.
, 1876-01-06
Renton Coal Company.

IN HE OFFICE OF THE ABOVE COMPANY
is at the store Of B. Bernstein, where the
stock books are open. All are invited to call
and examine the plan. G. II. BURNETT.
Secretary
Seattle, March 6, 1874.
, 1876-01-06
NOTICE..

ROBERT G.. STUART, Receive