The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1876-10-12
wITAND WISDOM.

"WHAT ails dis peoples Of America"
says an old traveller from Germany,
"is dot dey walks NIT der legs too
much in der shtreet gars out, und don't
get some muscles some more"
The census-takers of the Young
Mems Christian Association Of Jersey
City report that there are "thirty-ive
saloons to each church in that city,"
Why a church has SC many saloons Is
something we can't understand. We
should think ten would suffice the
largest church in the city.-Norris-
town Herald.
al HAVE just reached my 18th year."
lisped a Chicago maiden to her lover,
the other evening. just then her half
grown brother happened TO come in,
and thoughtlessly exclaimed: "why,
s%is!-you only 1872 You've been Is
ever since l knew you'll" OF course
the boy lied, but then the effect, you
know.
A NEAR.sIGHTED man out on South
Hill went wandering around among his
currant bushes yesterday afternoon, and
stopped down and pulled a live Centen-
NAL wasp's nest up by the roots to see
what it a He didn't get it anywhere
near the focus Of his eyes before he had
an idea that 1t was a fat iron some OF
the women had set out to cool then he
thought it might be a concentrated case
Of prickly heat; and then it dawned
upon him that he had picked up a raw
thunderbolt, and finally his heart went
clear down into his boots as he realized
that he had got hold of the dangerous
end of the He'll Gate explosion, and
pulled it of. And he doesn't know any
better yet.-Hawk-eye.
PRENTICE MILFORD writes from the
Centennial that "There is q certain
species of irritation in p%erpetually run
ming afoul of George Washington every
where-George Washington on canvas,
in oil, in water %colors, on village taverr
signs-George w. in marble, in terrs
Gotta, India-rubber, gutta-pcrcha-ir
tallow, wax, stearine, gum, soap-ir
iron, brass and ~bronze-in sewing-ma
chine work, wire work, hair work--ant
always George Washington, no matter
how hot, no matter how cold, the wealth
er-G. w. with that monotonously SO
rene Father of his Country face-ant
G. w. doing nothing but standing there
a perpetual model of greatness and be
n~evolence."
ONCE there was q powerful ant
wealthy king full of cares and very un
happy. He heard of a man famed fol
his wisdom and piety, and after dill
gent search found him in a cave on the
border of a wilderness. "Holy man,
said the king, 81 come to learn how tc
be happy" Without making a reply
the wise man led the king over s
rough pathway, till he brought him il
front of a high rock, on top of which
an eagle built her nest. "Why has thu
eagle built her nest yonder?" he asked
the king. "Doubtless," answered tn,
monarch, "that it might be out of dan
GER" "Then initiate the Bird" sale
the wise man. "Build thy home il
heaven, and thou shalt have peace ant
happiness"
MAN is the only animal that evel
blows his nose The alligator has ,
nose nearly two feet long, and he never
blows it. The elephant can reach ovel
his nose and tickle his hind legs, ant
he often does, but he never wipes it
The blue-nosed baboon has a cerulear
proboscis, of which the noblest ANNA
may be proud, but it goes unblown
The double-nosed pointer has immense
capacity for blowing, hut he never
will, and the oyster, whose o reach
es clear round to his back, ~refrains
from exercising it. Man alone has
reached the height of a pocket-hand.
kerchief, and he proudly waves his
bandanna as q sufficient evidence Of
of his superiority.