The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-13
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

cited on the subject. A public meeting wa
held and committee OF forty appointed 10 wal
upon the fral fair ones and invite them TO DeSe
themselves into scarceness The Mayor wa
made spokesman and thus uttered to the Ia
dies thes entments OF the surgng masses;
Girls. IL is the wish of the denizens OF this
beautiful villa that you should quietly transfer
your pretty forms and faces to parts widely re
mole from here, and while it would PAIN them
10 apply the lash of prosecution, If three rising
suns shall find you still here, the strong arm
the law, will clasp you in an embrace, more Ter
vent than any you have ever experienced, ant
YOU will be shown no quarter.
The girls" took the hint and left the SAINT
night, thus peaccbly terminating popular com
motion that nigh. have risen to the magnitude
Of the ferIncnt on the stumptail COW question II
Aurora
Asst. Louis woman says it il is no worse to en-
circle a ady's waist with your arm in ball
room than to hug your friends sister on The
hack stairs No worse. Why it is not as good
A gentleman in Albany has a pair OF panta
looms which were worn by one OF his ancestors
hundred years ago. They are made OF home
spun cloth, except the seat, which is Of thicl
leather. 1t is inferred from this that the oriSi
nal owner was book agent.
The Lacon Home journal grows facetious oyei
Typographical error in the FREE TRADER, by
which we were made to say that our military OF
the Rio Grande had fired Swells" at the MeXl
cans across the river instead OF shells The
Journal, however, regards the substitute OF swell'
for shells good one, and illustrates the case by
"lttlc story
Some wears AFRO, in certain theatre in New
York, a couple OF men got into fight in the gal
lery Ono, big, powerful fellow, caught ais
punny adversary by the nape OF tho neck ana
seat Of the breeches and was about to hurl nm
into the pit below which void have been almos,
certain death. An Irishman witnessing the A.
fair was struck with bright idea, and exclaim
ed: How'd on! dent waste him-throw him on
the band and kill a fiddler wild him"
Experience is the most impressive teacher. II
was noticeable that at the largely attended bap
tlsmal service ut the river last Sunday, people
without q word Of caution, kept on the bridge
Dim. Sun.
The Dixon people are like the Quaker's horse
Riding along a woody road one day, the Quaker
encountered tree blown across the road, and
refining the horse to one side, passed around II
A year latter passing the same way, though Inc
tree meantime had been removed the horse
without any motion on the part of his master
again drew to one side, and passed around where
the tree had lain Said the Quaker to the horse
Thee has a good memory, but poor Judg
mcnt."
Culom, candidate for Governor, was in Otta
wa last Sunday and every day or two, in fact
our hotel registers bear the name OF candi
data mr. two shinnin~ "fnr n nomination hv IT,
republican state convention. Which recalls
bit Of poetry
Who shtands der streets and corners around
Nit scfre ages TO be ground,
Ind shmed, und bowed, und nefer frowned?
Der candidate.
Who hold your hands ven you would start,
Uud told you you was mighty shmart,
Und how he luvcd you nit his hart'
Der candidate.
A physician asserts that love is an affair Of tht
stomach, and not of the heart. This may be so
but just imagine ove.sick.swain singing tC
his dulcne:
"Why, all why, my stomach this sadness"
Kate Field thinks that every American ought
TO blush over the non completion of the Wash
ngton monument. Yea, verify Here we 90
Next.
One reason why the leading citizens" OF
Marseillcs got so suddenly and tremendously
excited recently because couple OF soiled
nymphs had domiciled themselves on Noun,
Pisgah," in the outskirts Of that city is partially
explained by the fact, since leaked out, that the
ladies had threatened to send that day to jus.
tice in town the names Of the patrons Of their es.
Enlistment Ofcoursc that would have been
awful,
To the girls who are anxious TO get married
this timely suggestion is made
Girls If you
BE honest and true,
Youil some day TO the alter DC carried;
And then you can work,
For rcd-hcadcd clerk,
And cuss the day you got married
VIII Hawkins, editor Of the Aurora Daily
Netrs IS the champion banjo player Of Aurora.
He played a solo In the opera house the other
evening which brought down the housc.-EtgH
Duiy BI,tr.
Wasn't IL Saturday. tornado that brought
down the house," We have known playcv to
smash banjo, but that a ruut like VIII Hawkins
banged down an opera house, won't wa.h-too
thin.
Prof Whitney has discovered that man existed
during the glacial period which was ended So.
900 wears ago. Old Bill Allen always was chatty
aud confidential with men OF science Times,
Ofcourse it will do no more good to call at
tenton to the fact than in the cases Of the other
fellows, but Capt Jacks grave is sadly neglyc
ted and he hasn't got any monument
The Gr1pE;c has large picture Of the Elm
peror wilhelm and his fine family, but the artist
a. II in encouragement Of the vile slang Of tn
day, represents the emperor in the act Of pulitn
down his vest Otherwise the illustration
excellent.
\ tramp printer lou8grt into our Office III
other day ard asked for work ~" was told I
shed his coat and 90 90 work. He observed ina
be would Just step down stairs and tell his 'pard
His 'pard' must b. in Europe somewhere
hdHhites ca.
An exchange asks who is 10 saccced \; !!
Stewart Gs the money prince Of America "
know who has been spoken % for the place, an
feel gratiied FOR the compliment, but w. do no