The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1876-11-07
FRESH FLASHES OF FUN.

The boy who is early to bed doesn't
generally takeearly to ryes.
Young ladies, the new shade is "an-
tique purple" 1t is about the tint OF an
election eye two days old.
When dob said, "My life is swirter,
than a post" he probably meant gate.
post, as thatis always fast-to the fence.
The old adage, "Don't look gift horse
in the mouth" has been improved on.
"Never look a gilt mule in the hind
foot"
Meath drowsy drone of pulpit tone,
some listeners close their peppers, but
tits avery popular thing for laymen to
be sleepers.
Mobile merchants are complaining of
shaved silver coin, known as "surned
Gimes." Well nothing's remarkable in
| these "durned times"
In these days of much politics,,it Bret
Harte had lived out West he could meet
his 1.-Two men at Any bar" any time be-
| tween 6 A. M. and midnight.
! When a Sacramento man is assalled
| hya raWhide, with j woman at the end
of it, he wraps her up in her own skirts
land lays her on step to cool.
II don't think oughtto pay that bill, :"
teaid man when his physician called
on him for settlement. "Why nolH
because, doctor, you gave me so much
medicine that l was sick a long time
after you had cured me-"
A butcher was lamenting to his Irish
landlord that the people Of his village
were so few and so poor, that he was
unable, as formerly, to lind customers
tor whole bullock. ''Kill hRlfa one at
a time, replied the squire.
AS boy went through the cars of
Centennial train crying, "Ham-er-
tongue sandwiches" a lady turned to
gentleman with her and said: "Tnat
must have been the kind of a tongue the
| lady had where We bOarded3E
A housekeeper sent Bridget out one
morning to buy some heads of lettuce.
She returned with postage stamps.
When asked how she made the mistake,
she pertly answered, 'tAn' sure, WASN'T
l told to get heads of letters?"
The champion scholar has turned up.
Being asked to sign his initials to doc
ument, he wanted to know "what nish-
els were." "Why, your name being
George Gould, you want two Gs." 'On,
l see," he said, and wrote 80 Geeze."
They are performing the cantata OF
Joseph at the opera-house in Des NJ oines.
They had no trouble in securing talent
to represent most all the members Of
Potiphar's family, but they had to send
clear to Burlington to get man to play
Joseph.
The man who clings to the edge of the
bed clothes and wraps himself up in
them every time he rolls over, is now
about ripe enough to kick out of bed.
And the snivering fellow who sleeps
urii n i'm 10 a6 Z
one to do the kicking.
A wash.bowi nearly full of meal is
| the latest invention tor catching mice.
Their unhappy condition Is at once a.
meal-orated.-[ [Inter-Ocean. Then they
| find themselves in ridIculus mus,
which is Latin. 1t is a fatal cat-astro-
phe, only the cat has no trophy.
A little girl who was sent for some in
digo, forgetting the name, asked the
grocer: "Please, sir, what do people dye
with?" "What do people die witnr ex-
claimed the grocer; ''wny, with the
cholera, sometimes" "Then,r said the
child, "mother wants 20 cents worth OF
cholera"
An impecunious church In st. Joseph,
Missouri, undertook to amass u large
fortune by Offering a hat, at "a tair, to be
voted TO the most popular local editor in
the city. The church paid. 81 30 for the
hat, and il brought in only 50 20, and all
the votes were tickets 40 be taken out
in advertising"
Albert Rhodes thinks men make the
best cooks. Then Albert Rhodes never
saw man bowling and dancing like a
maniac in front Of kitchen stove,
shielding his bllstering face with one
hand, and with the other making frantic
a. Of trtsIg l.
sausage, that's all.
. A passenger in sailing-packet was
complaining to an old "salt" that he
was so sick he couldn't keep anything
on his stomach, when the sailor ex-
claimed, "Can't keep anything on your
stumici you just try porous plaster,
and ii that don't stick Pll stand grog for
all hands from here to the lnJies."
A. young man fresh from college under
tooE to address political meeting, and
pointing to a fellow with no collar on
and with a beard Of three days growth,
said: "Look at yon son OF toilv The
person apostrophiZed replied with ami
nation that he wasn't going to stand
there and hear his mothers fair fame
aspersed. "Take that back!' he shout
ed. And before the astonished orator
had time to takeit back he was assaulted
with beer mug.
"Whats this, mtster?" said curious
countryman who was wandering through
a ajewelers store, and as he spoke he
rang statue of Mercury with his horny
knuckles. "rhat," said the attendant, ais
Mercury" and he passed on to wait upon
II customer. The ruralist gazed for a
moment, with open mouth, at the bronze
representation of the messenger OF the
gods, and then beckoned to compan.
ion at the other end of the store, to whom
he said, ''Jim, what do you suppose the
tgger isp Il dunno" responded Jim
In turn giving it a resounding rap:
"tain't; it's quicksilver" "Wnat! the
stuff they put into thermometers? Waal,