New-York tribune., 1876-03-13
MODERN MARRIAGE


casual reader, bear directly upon deep
rooted evil of our domestic life that ii is worth
our while to examine into their causes and re-
suits One is an account of the suicide of a
Young married woman, "the cause an unfor-
"tunate attachment !" the other the shooting
of gay young fellow by girl to whom he
had paid attention for some years, but whom
he had lately deserted to marry fairer and
wealthier rival. The young lady was of course
acquitted on the ground of insanity, and the
man is in a fair way Of recovery from his
flesh wound The local papers make haste to
cxculpate him from all blame, "as no engage
"ment existed between the parties" In
neither of these cases was the attachment OF
criminal nature the women suffered III
nothing but the matter of feeling, which is so
intangible and weightless thing in public
esteem that only insanity can excuse the des-
perate deeds to which it drove them.
Here is precisely the point to which We wish
to call attention What is the worth OF a
woman's honorable affection or has it any at
all The courts award a handsome sum in
dollars and cents as the price of wounded feel
ing in Il case of breach of promise; and that
to the very women who by their coming before
the public to set Il price upon their hearts
prove that they have neither feeling, sensitive
ness, nor deicacy to iDjure. In American prl-
vate life, on the contrary. the pure affections
of young girl are the only possessions winch
by common consent are left totally unguarded.
and which custom and every social law forbid
shall be protected by any means whatever.
A daughter is born, let us say, to parents of
culture, and the highest social position; she
is the center of their hopes and plans all
their wealth and influence are brought to bear
on the perfecting of her body and mind no
safeguard can be too vigilantly set to protect
their treasure from any conformation Of'dls-
ease. impurity of thought, or vulgar manner.
So far the course is rational and cOmmendable.
But from the day when she technically en-
tcrs society," while she is guarded in other
respects as carefully as before any man is at
liberty to gain her affection who chooses.
Here is the result of that peculiar freedom of
our American social system of which we are
so apt to boast. The French demoiselle re-
ceiyes no attention from possible lovers unless
in the presence of her mother or temporary
guardian: the man who would begin tlirta
ton with an English girl of respectable family
knows that he is passing the inspection OF
father, brothers, and most certainly the mother,
who has been her nearest friend since birth.
If his behavior indicate that he is tritiing he
may look for a sharp snubbing from the
family and prompt exclusion, and such pun
ishment would he regarded simply proper
protection and matter of course.
The American girl, on the contrary, is left
wholly to her own guardianship. She has half
dozen intimates among the young fellows of
her set she corresponds with them, accom-
panies them to concerts and the opera unchap-
eroued, and sometimes winds up the evening
by supper at restaurant which ends in
the small hours. They are not ostensibly
loyers-they are friends, bons cdmdrddeS. She
finds the half -frie ndly, half-passionate inter
course more intoxicating than direct love-
making. She opens the depths of her innocent
heart to the vulgar prying eyes; the favored
intimate becomes an bdbituf of the house. In
few months, perhaps weeks, he knows more
of the secret feelings, desires, aims of
the girl. than her sister or brother,
or the mother who bore her. He treats her
personally with a liberty which is graduated
by her individual character. But it is inovi-
tably q liberty. The girl as inevitably ends by
loving him; the more unwOrldly, the more pure
she is. the more likely is she to mistake his
course as honorable. In the mean while, the
man has not the slightest idea OF marrying
her q very small minority of young men are
in "a marrying mood in these hard times; he has
lust as little idea of dishonOring or even injur
ing her in public esteem, but he accepts
the intimacy or friendship of young girl as
one of the good things which society offers
hn ha
when lovely That's is left to sit be-
side him he did not take the goods
the gods provide him. Meanwhile American
society rules that the father and mother of
the girl shall remain perfectly passive. The
man may be the most desirable or unsuitable
husband for their daughter, but they have no
right to interfere until he formally proposes.
IL they should "ask his intentions according
to the rational custom of our forefathers the
girl herself would be the first TO rebel on the
ground that she was made ridiculous, and
that her friend was mistaken for her lover.
When the friend betakes himself to fresh
fields the woman controls her disappointment
as she can, and marries somebody for an es-
tablshment or home I; or, as in the present
ease, finds her pain too sharp to bear, and
there is murder or II suicide, and the usual
chatter of insanity.
Now the mistake of which we complain is
no sentimental grievance. The public are not
likely TO comprehend or weigh the bitterness
of loss, the agony which dare not cry aloud
of the deserted woman but they can under
stand the fraud which she commits who brings
TO her husband and children wOrn-Out afec-
tions, stale, hackneyed emotions; the dregs of
the woman, in fact, whose real self was long