Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-06-21
Wit and Wisdom.


Instead of a hundred puts '76
in the box.
THERE are only two gallons of whisky
per year, manufactured for each in
habitant of the United States, and it is
a clear case that somebody's got to 60
without. fat1
THERE was one cheering feature of
the deposed Sultan's Imprisonment in
the Seraglio. If he had wanted to COM
NIT suicide, there were carriers enough
on hand. xG.sa
ABOUT as mean posishun as emmy
man kan put himself into, IL to work
all To e time for the devil, and look all
the time to the Lord for his pay.-Josh
Billings.
IT is the opinion of the average De-
troit boy that the coming Fourth of
July "will jist stand up on her hind
legs and howl for glory.-Detroa Free
Press 81 LA
"PY Shiminy, how dot poy studies de
language p is what delighted elderly
German said when his four-year-old son
called him a blear-eyed son of saw
horse. ISL aso Hs
PATIENT Ito doctors after consulta-
ton =" Tell me the worst, am I going
to die?' ave are divided on that
question, sir; but there is majority of
one that you will live"
WISHING to pay his friend compli-
m ent, a gentleman remarked, 81 hear
you have very industrious WIFE,"
EYES," replied the friend, with mel
ancholy smile, "she's never idle. She's
always finding something for me to
do" SAD s.
| A HAMILTON (Ont.) woman has re-
covered 500 damages from a lover
| who forsoOk her after an engagement
of twenty-six years. That is about $27
year for the joys Of courtship, which
certainly seems reasonable.
Julius, why didn't you oblong your
stay at the Springs % "Kate, Mr..
Snow, dey charge too much" "How
SO, Julius?" "Wy, de landlord charged
dis colored individual wild stealing de
spoons"
IT has been discovered that the same
| kind of coloring matter which poisons
the striped stockings is also used to
| color the bad whisky. In both cases it
goes to the legs and ruins the under
standing.
"I specs, my bluvved hearers" said
a colored parson, II specs, to-day, to
take a broad field in my 'scourse. It
takes me a good vile to git away from
de dock, but when / once strikes deep
water, den look out for de big fish,"
"JoHN," said fond little wife enthu-
siasti cally, pointing out to her husband
8 little shop on fashionable street,
"wh en- you die Pm going to take the
life insurance money and buy that lit
tie place, and set up as milliner."
I" Are you professional drummer ?"
said a country merchant to chap who
was travelling through that section with
patent tack-hammers for sale. "No,
sir, I'm not, was the reply. I'm only
an hammer-tour salesman"
| AT medical examination, a young
aspirant for a physicians diploma was
asked: "When does modification en-
sue?" "When you propose and are re-
jected," was the reply that greeted the
ouestioner.
INTELLIGENT housemaid-" 20, please,
miss, there was young gentleman call
ed when you were out. He didn't leave
no card, miss, but [ can show you who
he is, cause there's three of his photo
graphs in your album
CHILLY how did you lose your fin
/ ger?' Easy enough" said Billy. I
suppose you did, but how" ct dare
say you'd a lost yourn if it had been
where mine was" "That don't answer
my question" "Wen, if you must
know" said Billy, "I had to cut it off
or else steal the trap"
/ SUNDAY there was quite a stir in a
Brooklyn church when a gorgeously-
robed young stranger swept along the
main aisle, preceded by an obsequious
usher. All eyes were attracted by her
blazing diamonds, her costly laces, the
splender and profusion of her toilet,
and when she settled down in a pew,
with a mighty rustic, hundreds of fe-
male voices seemed to have been guided
by a common inspiration as they whis-
pered: "The daughter of a Philadel-
phia hackman
| A BROOKLYN girl having been visited
for some months by an exceedingly
bashful gentleman brought on the
wished-for climax by the following
ruse: He made an afternoon call and
after few minutes waiting she rushed
into the parlor equipped for the street
and said hastily: !" | am in a great hur-
ry-hsve an engagement with lady
friend, and if you came for the pur-
pose of proposing marriage you must
be quick about it. Wedding early in
the fall. a S.
! Some old fraud says: SECT up with the
sun, if you wasn't to be healthy and
wise." It is easy enough to follow this
advice In the winter, when the sun acts
sensibly and doesn't get up until7
o'clock; but, when he commences to get
up at O'Clock, we have observed that
the wisest men give them about two
hours start, and let their wives accum-
late health and wisdom.-Norrisoaus
Herald. M
| A Desperate Soldier.
Vv1.o Cx,apiub frOOps rooorf9xy 1>,loJ -