Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1876-07-19
Humorous Waits.

\ LITTLE girl hearing it said she was born
on the kings birthday, took no notice of it
at the time, but day or two after asked
her father if she and the king we're twins.
"rHE blessed man that preached for MS
last Sunday" said Mrs. Partngton, " served
the Lord for thirty years-frst as circus
rider, then as locust preacher, and last as
an exhauster."
WESTERN editor met a well-educated
farmer, recently, aud informed him that he
would like to have something from his pen.
The farmer sent him pig and charged him
nine dollars and seventy-five cents for it.
THE superiority Of man TO nature is con
tinually illustrated in literature and in life
Nature needs an immense quantity Of qnills
to make goose with; but man can make a
goose Of himself in five minutes with one
quill.
WISCONSIN, editor illustrates the pre-
vailing extravaganza of the people of the
present day, by calling attention to the
costly baby carriages in use now, while when
he was a baby, they hauled him around 10y
the hair Of the head
Two rRAMps stopped at the house of
lone widow in Westminster county, aud one
went in to beg. Very soon he came out
with bloody nose and black eye. Did
YOU get anything, Jack z" Yes" growled
the sufferer " I've got the widows might"
4" | REMEMBER" said the celebrated Wes-
ley, " hearing my father say to my mother:
How could you have patience To tell that
blockhead the same thing twenty times over 2
Why said she, if had told him but uine-
teen times | should have lost all my labor
TmE Idbdmd Planter complains that It's
Ia oh 81. loo
son "The snails ate up the cucumbers,
the chickens ate up the snails, the neighbor's
cats ate up the chickens, and we are now in
want Of something that will eat up the cats. y
An intelligent foreigner, passing through
the streets of Philadelphia, took out his note
book at the end of long walk aud made a
little memorandum to the effect that eighty
nine per centum Of the population of Phila-
delphia are members Of the powerful family
of Roomstolet."
SOME old fraud says, A." Get up with the
sun, if YOU want to be healthy and wise"
1t is easy enough to follow this advice in
the winter, when the sun acts sensihly, aud
doesn't get up until seven o'clock but when
he commences to get up at four O'Clock, We
have observed that the wisest men give him
about two hours start.
I
mindedness 2" asked Rufus Choate of wit
ness whom he was cross-examining. "Well,"
said the witness, with strong Yankee ac-
cent, " should say that man who thought
! he'd left his watch to hum, aud took il
| out'ns pocket to see if he'd time TO go hum
/ and git it, was q ieeile absent-minded.
/ RoGER NJ. SHERMAN was arguing a case,
aud made point which the Judge did not
at once see :" Mr.. sherman said he, 4"
would thank you to state the point so that
I eau understand YOU" BOwing politely, Sher-
man replied, in his hlandest manner "Your
honor is not probably aware of the task you
are imposing on me-"
/ DEAD-mEADiNG as it is called, ought 10
be abolished. II is nuisance. IL was
once reproved by a certain mine host in
| this wise A preacher desired that deduc-
| tion should be made from his board bill, on
| account OF his cloth" The host replied,
" Friend, have observed thee thou hast
eaten as a sinner, and thou must pay as a
sinner"
Two Dutchmen got into a dispute about
the English language, each one contending
that he could command the best They
made a bet at length, and appointed Judge
TO decide between them, and accordingly
they began, "Nell Chon," said the first,
" did il rain tomorrow z" shall think it
wash, said John Wasn't that judge in .
quandaryf
TnE custom of appointing young lawyers
10 defend pauper criminals received back
set the other day. The Judge had appointed
two young lawyers to defend an old aud ex-
perienced horse-thief. After inspecting his
counsel for some time in silence, the pris-
oner rose in his place and addressed the
- IN thaIn la ma Va