The Osceola times., 1876-11-11
FACTS AND FANCIES.
wnrsan Old $50 dkdisDes%is, y
with uncoNty,, y, II and solemnly said !:

the other other "h dav v'' ,ssa lers % stood around
with uncoN'y1, =, Il and solemnly said !:
peace be b,G111lashes."
A y-dTFUL old lady up town Is
strc spposed to the extermnation
cl 4 indians She says the savages de-
re such fate, but she doesn't see how
!, Ne could get along without their summer.
81 suPposEour minister breaches WE'LL
replied a Michigan lady, "but I'm 10
busy at the fashions that really never
bear anything he says"
AGLEAMof delight passes over the anxi-
ous brow of the ehousekeerer Ikea wintry
sunbeam falling across stock-yard as
she sees the flies that have made life a
burden to her, nattened hopelessly
against the ceiling with chillblains.
CALAIS" said John Henry, in moment
of extreme melancholy, zone more
chance gone. Since the rise In kerosene
she doesn't use any more to light the
| fire with"
SCENE in New York police court
Judge" prisoner, | find you guilty OF
intoxication in the public streets. The
punishment is ten dollars or ten days.
Which will you take ?" Prisoner"
will take ten dollars, your honor"
HANDSOME is that handsome does"
quoted Chicago man to his wife the
Other day. "Yes," replied she, in a
winning tone, as she held out her hand (;
Z" for instance, husband who is always
ready to handsome money tc his wife,
A BANKER has some doubts as to the
gcnuineness of the signature of a promis-
sorry note that has come into his posses
sion, and sends his clerk to the maker.
awe have note for 10000 francs on
which is what purports to be your sigma
ture Is il yours ~ " Is the note pro-
tested ?" "No, SIR" "Then 1t is not
mine"
JAKE" said the blushing damsel to
a lover that her father had forbidden the
house, "I don't care if your feet are big,
love you Just as much" Well, Sally,
don't mind so much about the size of
my own feet. DuJ wi..ts y~,., dad's were
q little smaller; should feel more con-
fdent you know, about staying.
MADAME, have you an old pair Of
pants for a poor man 2" asked thread
bare tramp as he stopped at a cottage to
tell his threadbare story. No, sir; |
have not" said the lady, g and believe
my husband has ON the only pair of pants
he owns" cay, yes" said the tramp;
well, then, will call again at night,
when your husband is at home" That
night the husband locked his pants up in
an armoir, took down a shotgun, and
said, "let him call, Mary"
A PRETTY widow, whose husband has
been dead for several years, received
beautiful bouquet the other day. The
man who sent it had been flying around
her with an earnestness worthy OF a dry
goods clerk, and it was with extra delight
he siw her pa his store that evening
with the bouquet of flowers in hand.
Gam so pleased TO see you with them,"
said he and a thousand little onpids dim.
pied in his smile.
"Yes," she replied, ait was very kind
in you; | always knew you liked him; !
am taking them to his grave
A YOUNG Ohio man had sweetheart
whose parents did not look with favora-
BILE eyes upon his suit. But the male
parent had the popularity of drink, and
this young man knew it. SO one evening
not long ago he provided himself with a
bottle OF the beverage known under many
names, but which is commonly called
whisky, and repaired to the family dwell.
ing. He sat down socially and produced
the bottle and he and the father engaged
in drinks and talk, which resulted in the
sale of the daughter to the young man
for the sum of five cents. Then lest the
parent should sober off and relent, a
clergyman was called Immediately in and
the twain were united. Probably the
wife will ind, as time slips by, that her
husband values her at just about the pur-
chase money paid and will treat her ac-
cordingly.
An Illinois farmer says: "My cattle
follow me until / leave the lot, and on
the way up to the barnyard in the even
ing. stop and call for lock of hay"
Brown saws there is nothing at all re-
markable about that. He went into
barn.vard in the country one day last
week, where he had not the slightest ac-
ouaintance with the CATTLE, and an old
bull not only followed him until he left
the lot. but took the gate off the hinges.
and raced with him TO the house in the
most familiar way possible Brown says
he has no donbt that the old fellow
you'd have called for something If he
had waited little while, but he didn't
want the folks waiting for dinner, 80 he
hung one tail of his coat and piece OF
his pants on the bulls horns and went
into the house.
SCENE, barroom time miinight.
Wife: 81 wish that man would 90 home,
if he's got one to go to-" Landlord: :
Silence, he II call for something directly !:
mes taking the shingles off his own house,
and putting them on ours By this
time James begun to come to his right
senses. stretching himself asif he had
awoke, and said 81 believe I'll CO.
"Don't be in hurry, James," said the
landlord. "Oh, yes, must CO." said
.Iames, as he started After an absence
of some time the Landlord met and ae-
4 costsd him with Hello, Jim, why ain
G Won been down to see us?h Why,
lad taken 80 many shingles oil my owl
house that it begun To leak, 20 though
: 1t time to sop tbe leak and 30 hsy'
e, ioneit," said James,