Middletown transcript., 1876-03-11
4un)96us.

Never hurry. More men have diet
from getting out Of breath than for any
other resson.
It pleases woman to see man hole
. plate of refresbments on bis knee at ,
party. He can't do it without turning
ipfhis toes.
A member Of the Georgia Legisla
ture asked the meaning Of the WORD
geology. They told him it was a spe.
cies of vaccination.
It was when Tennyson stopped te
scratch bis back against gate pos'
that be sighed: "But, o! for the
touch of vanished hand"
1t is understood that explorers iu
Palestine have failed to find any trace
ola mortgage upon the temple which
Solomon built to the Lord.
A great revival has been 10 progress
in Fairfax, Vt. 1t suddenly collapsed,
however, when the minister forbade the
boys going home with the girls.
Somebody says that sit is unkind to
ridicule those items in the newspapers
about centenarians. 1t is no easy thing
to become a centenarian several have
failed"
St. Louis Republican A philan-
thropist wants society for the preven-
ton of cruelty to women. It does look
as if a woman should have as many
rights as dog
Awful hard times, but every woman
has velvet suit and cream-colored
hat, and shows undiminished interest
in the new spring styles, says New
York correspondent.
An exchange remarks that it is won
derful to see how exact line a man
can draw with his shovel. on a snowy
morning, between his own premises and
his next-door neighbor's.
An old lady from one Of the rural
districts, astonished clerk in one Of
the stores few days ago. by inquiring
if be hadany "yaller Developments sich
as they did up letters in
II is said young Indiana school
mistress threshed 80 pupils in one day.
Some Patron of Husbandry ought to
secure the right and exhibit her at the
Centennial as patent threshing ma
chine.
The people Of Dubuque are excited
because a citizen found fish about six
inches long in bis milkpan. and the
milkmen are on the pint Of calling an
advisory council to establish their inno-
cence
John Morrissey thinks that poker
and faro chips constitute very good
sort Of currency, and says that, beyond
tha. iact, be has not grappled
with the financial problem to any great
extent.
Mr. Gclfax tells good story Of Pre-
sident Lincoln, that when he was at
tackled with smallpox, be said to his at
sendAats Send up all the Office
seekers, and tell them I've cot some |
hing | can give each Of them
Why should the beehive be taken as
/ symbol Of industry !? Not bee is to to
be seen all the winter long. while the
,ockroach is up at Eve o'clock in the
and never goes to bed till
midnight. Let's change this thing
Some one, some time ago, seeing two
,r three eminent lawyers gathered to-
yether on spot supposed to be likely |
% be chosen. as the site Of, "a .nev lsW
'ourt, said that they had met there to
rev the ground where they must
hortly lie.
A sailor was recently brought before
magistrate for beating bis wife, when
he magistrate attempted to reach his
leart by asking him If he did not know
hat his wife was the weaker vessel"
If she is, she ought not to carry 80
much sail ]" replied Jack.
DR.. Burnet, wishing to sell bad
orse, mountedsit to. show off its good
ualities but he did not succeed in
managing this as he expected. my
ear Dr.. Burnet." said the intending
when you want to mislead
ne, mount the pulpit, and not the sad
le."
ut is standing rule in my church,"
aid one New York clergyman to an.
ther, ''for the sexton to wake up any
,an that be sees asleep" ''Isthink,"
splied the other. "that it would be
etter for the sexton, whenever man
oes to sleep under your preaching, to
axe you up"
A young lady in the country, in
snsed at an egotistical young man from
lew York. said, If the butcher down
} the village could buy you Of the
rice your acquaiatances hold you at,
nd sell you ct your own estimate Of
ourself. he could retire from business
d what he'd make on that single spec-