The Osceola times., 1876-11-04
NUMBER So.
FACTS AND FANCIES.

thee; without thee i should be intensely
happy"
BEFORE her departure for Europe, the
highest remuneration received by Adelina
Patti was fifty dollars a night. Strakosch
says her price for America now is $1,000
a night.
BE US the little child who eats and
sleeps and grows. God gives you the
best nourishment, although not always
the sweetest TO the taste. - Madame
Guyon.
A WITTY French journalist thus de-
scribes the difference between the Serbs
and Turks. The former cut off the left
right.
SAID fancy farmer to some guests at
you have milk or champagne, my
friends ?" adding somewhat sadly, Zone
costs as much as the other"
DIoGENEs being asked /" The biting
Of which beast is the most dangerous :"
answered: II you mean wild lpasts,
tits the slanderer If tame ones, the fiat
terer."
An Illinois minister announced on his
Sunday bulletin. "The funeral of Ju-
das Iscariot." To which an obliging fcl.
low added, friends of the deceased are
cordially invited"
| 81 WISH you would pay little atten.
| tion TO what ! am saying, sir, roared
lawyer at an exasperalihg witness. |
am paying ~ little as ! can" was the
calm reply. f
A POOR soldier, whose person is sup
ported by two wooden legs, was met by
a friend who thus accosted him. My
dear fellow, | congratulate you upon
having two wooden legs" "Why So"
said the veteran. " Because you can
never catch cold in your feet"
A DOCTOR in Ireland was disturbed in
the night by rapping on the door, and,
opening it, found a laboring man who
had come for him. Have you been
long here {" asked the doctor. "Indade
! have f" answered Pat. "Eut "och,
because was afraid of disturbing your
honor" ft1y yt.G
THE schoolgirls OF Bardstown i'm de-
bate with the boys proved that Napoleon
was greater general than Washington.
Now let the boysgct even by showing that
Sitting Bull Is a greater general than
Crook, Terry, Sheridan, and Sherman all
put together. They will have no DIFF
ficulty before an intelligent jury.
TALK to the point, and stop when you
have reached it. The faculty some have
for making one idea cover quire of
paper is not good for much. BE compre-
hensive in all you say or write. To Gil
a volume upon nothing is a credit to no
body, though Lord Chesterfield wrote
very clever poem upon nothing.-John
Neal
A downtown bar-keeper has invented
a patent free.lunch counter. 1t is ar
ranged so that when the wanderer bum
mer has eaten six pieces of cheese, three
crackers and two pickles, and he attacks
|, the baked beans, giant fish descends
from the ceiling and "bonnets' him,
while gigantic foot springs from the
wall and kicks him into the street.
AN editor is described as man who
is liable TO grammatical blunders, typo
graphical errors, and lapse of memory,
and has twenty-five thousand people
watching him tripping-a man of sorrow
and acquainted with grief, poorly paid
poorly estimated, yet envied by some of
the great men he has made.--New Or
leans Bulletin.
| al ALWAYS did love to gaze on the
children in their sports" said Potter, as
he pensively contemplated crowd of
urchins. Pm carried back to----."
Just then the base ball came over his
way and tried to get in his vest pocket,
and doubled him up. When his breath
came back he shouted: You young
ragamuflins, you, ii catch you playing
ball on the street again IN get the police
after you." And he moved away aud
forgot all about his youthful days.
NORWICH Bulletin: One of the maya.
zine writers asks: "Did you ever hide
some sacred thought beneath your pillow
and weave web of tender hope about
it?" We never did, and we doubt if
any one else ever did. In the first place
most people never hide anything beneath
their pillow unless il is handkerchief
when they have a cold, and then, il it is
under the pillow, how are you going 10
weave anything around it without lift
ing the pillow up? The magazinsts
seems to be asking very foolish questions.
A BOYS way of stating things, though
often inelegant. is generally nervous.
Example: A lad at Eastsn, Penusyl-
vania, entered drug store, bottle in
hand, and said he wanted ten cents
worth of "armakymony." The druggist
told him to repeat the word, and said,
'IDon't you mean arnica, or ammonia 2"
al dunno" was the reply. "What is it
for ?'fasked the druggist. "Can't tel"
said the boy, starting slowly out. When
near the door a bright idea illumincd
him, and he turned and asked the drug
gist "If your wife hit you on the
head with chair leg, which of them
medicines would you git to take the
swellin' down? ?" "Arnica." "Then
fill her in ten cents worth" replied the
boy and he gazcd lovingly at the big
stick of lcorce as the arnica was being
bottled.
A PRIEST was hearing confession, and
a boy came TO him and said he had bad
sin on his mind. "Well, my good boy,
come on wild it," said his reverence.
"Augh, then, your reverence, do be
always sayin Be the Holy Father"
" You do that's very bad, INC boy.
Now, how often do you be sayin' that"
" Begor, more than forty times day,
your reverence" $50 home now said
the priest, "and get your sister to make
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