The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-03-25
VARIETY.

IF Won hear a man say life is but dream tread
On his northeast corn and wake him up. 1t Will
probably convince him that life is real.
An exquisite divine put the finishing touch to
a marriage ceremony, when he concluded by say.
ing 81 now pronounce you husband and lady
There is mai in one of the uptown boarding
houses so mean that he wishes his landlaoy 70 re,
duce the price of his board because ne has had
two teeth extracted
Miss Addie Lake. of Hamilton, called it Z" COW
cumber " and her enraged mother MT her WIN
1.-The History of Canada y and oroKe ner coiiaf'
bone.
"Most certainly, am disbaiIeyer IN spirits,
said the ,Judge As lawyer, l cannot conceive
the possibility of the existence of any beings eS
empt from the operation of the habeas corpus.
Attracting ATTENTIoN.-A girl with three
arms is attracting attention in Teseelo, near
,Jalapa, Mexico, and when the girl gets her TWO
arms aroud her husbands neck she III still nave
one to irt with the other fellow across the street.
A widower married near Montgomery, ALBANIA
One of his servants was asked, ''Wlh he take d
bridal tour ?" and received the answer - Dunno
sab-be take paddle to his first one-dunno 1t he
will take a bride to the new one or not"
Sunr Hrs EYEs.-A certain colored deacon on
Tho occasion of missionary collection was won't TO
shut his eyes and sing, " Fly abroad, thou mighty
0osnel with such earnestness and unetlon tina ne
Would quite forget to see the plate as 1t came
around. s. U, yes, saia the peaIs paI,e ~ A.
How IT APPEARED-A darkey, who was stoop-
ing to wash his hands in creek eiIn no'ioo oo
tbe necuIiar actions of goat behind him, SO
1Thep he scrambled out of the water ana was
osked how it happened, he answered, - aunno;
rsctv but it 'peared eft de shore kinder u lS'eu
and frowed me.
UuBRELLAs-No man with an aVerage aIiounS ni
of seIfnossession need be without an umoreHa Oh
rainy day. All he has to do IS to step up "
the first stranger he sees carrying goou Hn nv
saw. 50 Beg pardon, sir, l believe you nave ~ ny
nwhrella The chances are ten to one tnae sne
fellow will stammer out an apology ana hano IL
over. ,.,.,o
Two eoIored citizens Saturday had little
trouble on the post-ofice corner.
"Sir, 1 stigmatize you as iaiSenooun'i
exclaimed the first. ,,, 80
All talk away!'' growled the first, " out
my character is above dIsProach. s.o,, NV
And your influence don't detacn Iron my
reputation one Iowa; groWleo the o'"0i
And thus they parted
HARD vs.. SoFr.-ss Henry Hardwick ana james
O'Brien had you a fight on Beaubien street iIs'
niphtq'' he innuired of the pair of humble look
inc men whose Scratched faces and peeled noses
told Of a row.
''Yesr,'' they mumbled. u,;o,,
"As understand it. you, Henry HardwlckJ;
favored imitation, and you, James U 'Brlen. asguou
that this country must come down TO naru p'n
before We could hope for any real prosperity
Yes'r, they growled in chorus. ,ts
q The soft money-man backed his arguments =
With soft insinuation, and hard money packer :,
hls with hard knocks. Am right?' yes.
=, We'll, gentlemen, this question OF finance :. .S
uze u neighbOrhood scandal-has two SIDES 20 H.
When YOU hear an infationist speak you wish
you had million dollars in the meanest-looKlhg
sa sors Of greenbacks. When you hear a hard money
EaSocate Eoe hold forth, you wish you had two mil. MI
Sot ns In gold This Court has an opinion, ou'
es sSe not care to express it. We are running on
Nc eaper money theory yet, and if each one ol
you ssaL will leave five dollars with my friend the
SSSk. shall feel much obliged
so they said. and they left it.