Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-08-02

HUH0ROUs.
A DETROIT LADY purchased a jacket
| 1t q woodward avenue store the other
day, and the clerk said he would send
| ft right home inside of half-an-hour. In
about four hours q package boy ap-
peared with the garment, and the i'm
patient lady exclaimed: "YOu boys
are the greatest nuisance In town!
suppose YOU stopped to play marbles or
hunt up a lost dog!' "Indeed didn't,"
he replied. 81 went up home to change
hats, and ma she had to try on the
Jacket and parade before the glass.
Then Katy put It on to make call, and
when she got back ma was determined
to walk over on Woodward avenue tn
show IL OF, and got here as quick as
could. ."-Detroit Free Press.
The French Duke de Morny received
an application for employment from q
young man who came well recon-
mended, sBut l do not know how to
find you a place; my household is full"
"Your Grace" said the young man,
nervously lingering his hat, 81 sadly
need work." "Well. suppose l make
you nv hair-dresser." The applicant
colored, and replied. II do not seek
sinecure." The Duke was entirely
bald, and for the fellows's wit hired
him as jester.
FIVE BOYS took all of Friday to catch
fish. They tramped about fifteen miles.
imbedded hook in a most undesirable
part for hooks in one of the party, had
/ - 81, hru
teeth, and another two, lost their lines,
hours. Net result of the trip: One
fish, three black eyes, five stone bruises,
and small assortment of biisters. This
IL a part of the boasted civilization of
the nineteeth century.-Danbury Neirs.
FORTY Is an ugly corner that takes
man into the shadow of life, as it were.
But better be in the shadow with friends
you love than keep in the everlasting
sunshine of youth, fthat were possible.
and see them 90 down in the valley
without you. One does not feel his
progress when all around is going on
at the same rate.
DAVE: s'Can We gie's pipe, John ~
John: "Ou aye" (hands him one al
most empty.) Davie: "Hae we ony to-
bacca?" John: "Yes, yes, lad; 1 can
gle that tae'' (hands him "fill.")
Davie (after filing: .'Hae ye match,
John?" John Ito third person standing
by: "Guidness, he has naething but
the jaws!"
JOHN HENRY, reading to his wife from
a newspaper: "There Is not single
woman in the House of Correction
There, you see, don't you, what wicked
creatures wives are? Every woman in
that Jail Is married." SIT is curious"
said she; "but don't you think, John,
dear, that some of them go there for
relief?"
sI HEAR you are desperately cOurting
the chambermaid," said a man to his
servant, "That is my business" was
the reply. "But 1 hear, too, that she
favors your attentions" "That is her
business" ''But do you know that I
shall instantly put you outside the
dOOr?' 'That is your business"
DUMAS AUToGRAPH.-Lucy E. Hooper
tells this anecdote of the elder Damas
Some one asked him once for his auto
graph. my autograph he cried,
''you can find plenty of them floating
about in the shape of notes, and you
will know they are genuine by their
being all protested"
As THE dew falls noiselessly upon the
tender herbage, as the present passes
silently into the past, as the perfume of
kindly act rises Heaven ward unseen,
SO the hired girl slips out the back way
nights with little tea and sugar for
her relatives.-Nor,oieh Bulletin.
SCENE in a recitation room: "The
ancient Egyptians were i'm the habit of
sacrificing red-headed girls to the
DEVIL" Authenticated student: "What
did they do with the red-headed boys ?"
Professor: "rhey supposed they would
go of their own accord" .".-Er.
A RELIGIOUS weekly of high standing,
gives this advice: "Kiss but never tell -
II is very excellent advice, too, but it
often happens that a man who has taken
q kiss feels good deal after that like
the boy who finds lost jack-knite, he
must either tell or bust.
PAYING Too DEAR FOR HIS WHISTLE.
|-Donald-"E-h, sir, yon'sa gran flesh
ye've gotten haud OF"
The Laird-"Oo, aye, gram flesh
enoo, but I'd be gay an glad if l saw
my 'twa-and-saxpenny flee weel DOT o.
his mooth.'
AT little gathering the other eve
ming young man asked a lady whether,
If his small brother was a lad, he was
not ladder, and she kindly said she
thought he must be, she could see
through him SO easily. 1t is pleasant
to be young man.
"Do YOU know anything about an old
story connected with this building?"
asked an antiquary of woman near
an old ruin. ''Oh, yes" was the reply,
''there used to be another old story to
it, but it fell down long ago."
"IsN'T THAT a beautiful piece of
music?" said one of Mrs. Clogger's
female boarders, as she turned from the
piano. 81 like it very much" replied
Jones; particularly those long rests
that occur all through it."
A LADY of fashionable distinction
being a subject of conversation in
Robert Halls presence, some one said,
''ls she not great BELIEF" 81 should
think so," said Hall, "for she is noisy,
empty and brazen."
An ATKINSON girl ate four pounds of
wedding cake in order that she might |
dream of her future husband. And now
she says money wouldn't hire her to
marry the man she saw in that drea II.
PATIENT Ito doctors after cOns,llta-
tion)-''Iell ME the worst, gentlemen
am going to die?" 1--WE are divided
on that question, sir; but there is a
majority of one that you will live"
HALF dozen men may go down con-
secutively on the same piece of banana
peel, and yet each will express himself
as differently as if he had been brought
up In separate language.