The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

High C-view from : balloon.

be ignorant In old age.
The boy who Is early TO bel doesn't
generally take early to rye-.
Tweed evidently doesn't believe In
small sails and quick returns.
A rich Baltimore jeweler Of 70 Is con-
tent to marry girl Of only II.
All men are not homeless, but some
men are home less than others.
The only letters in pawnbroker's
language-Mon-E and collateral.
Card Of an absconding debtor-'tFor
further particulars, see small bills"
San Francisco papers advertise ripe
Strawberries at "ten cents pound
When can You he said to swallow
glassware When you buy II tumhler
and goblet.
The name Of one of the British IRON
| clads Is Wye. II should have Dcnough
for consort.
Mother Eve introduced fashion-at
least VIC we read that she took rib
bon from Adam.
England has lost $500, ,O0o,0n by
Turkish, Spanish, Egyptian. and South
American defaults.
Why il Christmas like general
mistake? Because 1t is comm near
er common error.
An improved harmonicon with
mouth-piece like tin whistle. |. the
latest Boston wrinkle.
Buffalo Bills last act of heroism i,
To admit that he is the sole author OF
Scouts of the Plains.''
Why IL fast black horse like Ger.
tain preparation of india-rubher Be
cause it is an inky-raccr.
Late tailoring notes says: "The
business vest is cut high and long"
1t can easily be pulled down.
What Is the difference between
forms and ceremonies? We sit upon
one and stand upon the other.
An exchange remarks that ''the
matrimonial fever has broken out
again. Oh, yes the tie-!uss.
"A sound literature" is what the
Christian standard demands for tho
times. II must want beli-letter-.
A mother and her daughter married
brothers at Tuscaloosa, Ala, and the
mother got the youngest husband.
All nationalities are represented in
the Servian army. One Of the general
aids is an American named Jennings.
II has been noticed that those who
talk most against mothers-in-law ar.
usually very bad class Of sons-in-law.
A haketl-besns company 1. doing y
thriving business In New York, sup
plying nearly Ut the hotels and res
taurants.
Since dynamite has been invented
railroad baggage men have come 10
look upon trunk. with little more
reverence.
A china set may contain seventy
pieces or only forty, just according to
the sort of hired girl you have around
the house.
"Have ] not, my son, given you
every advantage2" "Oh, yes; but ]
couldn't think of taking advantage of
you. father
A little fellow earnestly explained
to another that camp-meeting was a
place where they had Sunday every
day in the week.
Socrates says that "the hottest love
has the coolest end" Xantipps had
probably made the old man sit out on
the doorstep all night.
What Is the difference between tho
outer wall Of bridge and two nice
young ladies' The one Is a parapct.
and the other pair o pets.
They've just got rid of another Pres
ident in San Domingo. It's hard to
find an executive there who will run
longer than an eight-day clock.
During the Centennial. over 1900
old umbrellas, 900 parasols and 500
babies were returned to their owners
by the committee on Lost Things.
"Another such lection time
never hope to see;
And Mary had little lamb,
As white as it could be-"
II wouldn't be a bad idea to pin the
little boys comparison Of "cold" 10
your memory nowadays: Positive,
cold comparative, cough superlati"e,
coffin"
A sinful New York sheet imagines
that Mrs. Stanton and Miss Anthony
must be direct descendants of the peo-
pie who settled down by the rivers Of
babble on.
The Brooklyn Argus says the man
who rode in a horse-car by the side Of
woman who had just returned from
the Centennial is suffering from se-
we're attack of the earache.
A Lon doner having read in Boston
paper an advertisement headed,
american Steam Safe Company" re-
marked that he was glad If the Ameri-
cans had made steam safe company.
Tommy, do you know that your
Uncle Robert has found a little boy
baby on his doorstep, and is going to
adopt him?' "Yes, mama and he'll
be Uncle Bob's step son, won't he?"
Huxley contends that q frog is only
a bird without feathers; and SO fish
ball must be only baseball with the
wrapper knocked of, and stone is
only an apple-dumpling gone to seed.
A young lady of this city, who was
inattentive at whist, has broken off
her engagement with her lover be.
cause he recommended her to ''scoop
her mind up in peanut shell and fix
it on the game.n
One for the doctor: Doctor--Only
winged again! You won't get much
Of bag to-day, Charlie. Charlie
ttled)-Impossible to kill every
time. don't load with prescriptions.
A man in Philadelphia wanted to be
excused from serving on jury on the
ground that he WAS "a saved sinner.