Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1876-03-16
ADVERTISIGN RATES.
FACTS AND FANCHS.

oolI VegetaoIeS Win leeK In his pot
\. y. Mail.
EX-change-The fractional currency
you had yesterday.-N. Y. Mail.
Motto for yeast factory-"Early to
bread ana early to riSe.-N. Y. Mail.
Song of the milkman: "Yes, we'n
gather at the river"
Tilton is in Canada; but the weather
is 50 cold that he has to hang up his
pictures in AN Ulster Overcoat.
Those old Romans knew what they
We're about. They admitted that u
man might be obstinate and muIish :;
but they Insisted that a woman was
mulier.-Daily GynOphObe.
The gailOws is not likely To be aboI-
iShed in New York. iI is popular be-
cause it has, or at least is likely to have,
the cOuDIenance Of the New York
WOrld.-CouTier-Journal.
y schoolgirl in Lawrence, Mass,
fell on the ice while skating, and fore
ed sharply pointed lead-pedcil into
her right leg to a depth of three inches.
Sigh-iOr-her. See the point:
Is it billiards that are "a healthy ex-
ercise," or is il the act of walking from
the table to the bar, throwing the head
back and murmuring, "Um-um-Um ?''
Detroit Free-Pres5.
Robert Collyer says it wouldn't be
wicked to sing the Little Brown jug"
in church if there was nothing but re-
ligion in the said little brown.
Bret Harte's hair is getting sandy,
and his eyes are getting to look
dreamy. He knows of two OF three
won't tell their names.-DetrOit Free
Press.
The st. Louis water works can sup
ply the city with 56 ,000, GOO gallons per
day only.-Detroit Free Press. But
that's not the reason the DemOcatic
Convention is going there.
There is an old question about where
Noah was when his candle went out.
But there is new one, which is more
interesting: Where will Beecher be
when his scandal goes out?
Charles Love recently killed Edward
Valentine at Indianapolis, Indiana. 1t
is the first instance on record where
Love has sent a Valentine to another
wOrld.-N. y. Mail.
An Iowa house CT worship is called
"the tear-down church." There is one
over in Brooklyn that, by a little
double shuttle of speech, might be call
ed the breakdown church.
There are $4,000 men and women
and 1900 children VINO live in the
canals. Not a bald-headed man
among them, either. Their locks last
them all their lives.
The way they weigh hogs in Kansas
is as follows: They first tie the hog to
one end of a rail, balance the rail on a
fence with rocks tied to the other end,
and then guess how much the rock
weighs. Now, Kansas'll take a-fence
and rail at the fellow that got that off.
The Richmond Enquirer asks why
some of ToCmbS's friends don't send
him to a lunatic asylum, and the
Memphis Avalanche answers, in true
Yankee fashion, by asking: Does the
Enquirer want the other poor lunatics
talked to death?
While Storrs, at st. Louis Was crying
"Think of his children at home pray
ing for him." the dear little fellows
really were on their knees with their
hands resting in each others hair, and
one OF them was saying, Johnny, if
you don't give me back that ten spot
I'll walk right up the bridge of your
nose"
George Dawson, in recent speech il
England, told story of Gloucester
shire PEASANTS heroic curse. He had
wrestled for a long time with a very
tough piece of oak, on which he had
been unable TO make any impression,
and 1T last burst cut with the impreca-
ton; "Dom they pigs that didn't eat
thee when thou vast an acorn"
Mr.. Moody says man is failure.
Probably Mr.. Moody never saw a
young man play base ball all day, and
billiards half the night, and get up
next morning and jaw around an hour
because his mother didn't put more
stitfening in his shirt bosom. Man a
failure, indeed .-NOrristown Herald.
Two old ladies of Saugus, Massaehu-
sets, will send to the Centennial q
sample OF the tea pitched into Boston
Harbor. Their grandfather received it
from one of the patriots who look part
in the demonstration. Might as well
send the pitcher along too. But are
they sure that they are real Bay-leaveso
How were they fished ont?
VI. Platter, the celebrated lutte player,
one evening dropped asleep while play
ing, after partaKing of an unusual liber-
al supper: he continued TO TO discourse
sweet music" correctly and tastefully,
until reused from his drowsy nap by
the noise of his Lutte falling on the floor.
Munchausen clicked the Platter clean"
out, with his famous French horn.
The following story is told in Wash
ington of the late Senator Saulbury, of
Delaware. The Senator had the repu-
tatiOn during the late years of his Sem
atorial term of inbibing very freely,
and it is told of him that he was accuS-
toned to have two cocktails carried to
his room in the morning before he rose,
and when asked by & friend why he
had two cocktails, he replied that after
taking one ne ISlt iIhe aHOtAieE Iidn,
and thought it would be mean not to
treat that other man.
The Rev. DIR. LOrimer told his con-
good story on Sunday
evening. While in Kentucky he was
invited to perform marriage cere-
mony, and rode ten or twelve miles
mud and rain to unite the con-
parties. At the conclusion of
the ceremony the mother of the bride
offered DIR. Lorimer filled wine glass,
which he declined, and said: "You
ought to be ashamed of YOURSELF mad
am, for offering these young people
that which may ultimately work their
ruin The woman, placing her arms
akimbo, said: Look h'yar, Mr.. Preach
er, you kim to marry this var couple.
You've married this var couple. Now