Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-03-29
Laugh and Grow Fat.

WO1nanS age.
WHY is the letter G like matrimony?
Because it is the end of counting.
MoTTo for the girl of the period:
| pestlgia nulh1 7etro1s,tn1-Dont step on
my pull-back.
WE would give five dollars to know
how the penny cakes of fresh maple
sugar get fy-specked.-Rome Sentinel
WHY is an old chair that has new
bottom put to it like paid bill? Be-
cause it's reseat( ceipt)ed.
WHY is a selfish friend like the letter
P? Because, though he is the first in
pity, he is the last in help.
A LONDON court has decided that an
actor is not a laborer. Of course not
he's "no work, and all play"
IT is said that the Chinese excel in
playing billiards. They are accustomeSs
to the queue, you know.
EVERY cloud has silver lining-ex-
cept Red Cloud. His lining is copper
| colored.
| WE suppose men have the right to
play the coquette during leap year.
Let no jilty woman Chicago
Post
QUERY for naturalists: If bird in
the hand is worth two in the bush, is a
mole on the face worth two on the
ground?
SALLY, keep away from me, or you
will set me on fire." said fellow to
girl who had red hair. emo danger of
that-you are too green to burn" was
her reply.
The street cars in Constantinople are
never oyercrowded. AS soon as they
get too heavy the fellows who draw
them stop, sit down, cross their legs,
and take smoke.
WHILE an Iowa woman was strug-
Cling in the water and likely to drown,
her husband yelled out: "New bonnet
swim for life!" and she kicked out
and safely reached shore.
A BREED of dogs without tails has
been discovered in America, and how
the mischevious boys there utilize tin
kettles and fruit cans, we cannot pre-
tend to say.
A MISSOURI lawyer successfully de-
Tended highWayman, but charged
him an exorbitant fee. The highway
man paid it without murmur, stop
ped his counsel on his way home at
night and recovered the cash.
| TALMAGE says a man never swears
when be is alone Does he speak for
that man who spent all day thawing
his Croton pipes and then found that
the water had been cut off for non
payment of the rate?-N. Y. Graphic.
A NE1GHBoR1Na church has got a cor
| or ,,1o \, IL,
chandelier, and has made other prep
arations for an active word of grace.
l-Danbury Nears.
| IT doesn't take me long to make up
my mind, I can tell you," said corx>
ceited fop. It's always SO where the
stock of material to make up is small"
quietly remarked a young lady.
| A SUNDAY sermon in Japanese
church never lasts over twenty-five
minutes. It hardly pays to scrub a boy
up to send him to church, but such
short sermons leave the men plenty of
time to go fishing.-Faee Press.
A DOCTOR attending a punster who
was very i'll, apologized for being late
one day by saying that he had to stop
to see a man who had fallen down a
well. odd he kick the bucket, doc
tor p groaned the punster.
A LONDON paper says that" the Span
ish General Mariones rested his army
for few moments when On the point
of attack" The point of tack isn't
generally considered a good place to
| rest, even for that brief period.
ONCE a merchant sat his umbrella
against tree while he stepped into
store to ask question. When he came
out the tree stood there No one had
taken it.
A GERMAN Professor has developed a
process for making eggs and Matching
birds. We will be glad when the pro-
cess reaches Danbury Our young men
are so dreadfully fond of birds, and we
despair Of ever seeing them shoot one
|-Daaabawy Neacs.
A YoNKERs girl who refused to marry
a respectable young man because he
was mechanic, is now the wife of
janitor in New York, and cleans out
eight Offices after four o'clock in the
afternoon. She (s)weeps now Yonkers
Gazette.
AT a collection made at a charity
fair, a lady offered the plate to rich
man well known for his stinginess, "I
have nothing" was the curt reply.
tsThen take something, sir" said.
the lady; you know | am begging for
the poor.-Ba9or.
A FACETIoUs boy asked one of his
playmates why a hardware dealer was
like bootmaker The latter, some
what puzzled, gave it up. "Why,"
said the other, because the one sold
the nails, and the other nailed the
soles"
A BRIGHT little three-year-old girl in
Hartford, having become a little mixed
between her religious instruction and
her nursery rhymes, gravely recites:
"The Lord is my shepherd, and he
lost his sheep, and he don't know where
to find them"
A NEWSPAPER contains an announce.
ment to this effect 'sWanted-At this
Office, q bull dog of good size, sound
teeth and ferociOuS diSnOSitinp tbof