The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-08-03
Miscellaneous.

AAoCChdAOOAo'
The early risers nowadays are the ther-
mometer and the house-hy.
The problem Of the hour is, how to
keep the starch in your shirt collar
Uncle-"Now how did the mother of
Moses hide himH
Niece-"With a stick"
Hes a polished gentleman" said she,
gazing fondly at the bald head which
showeth her handiwork.
A South Carolina paper is called the
Nut Shell. OF course it is edited by
"Kernel. l."-Norristown Herald.
What is the difference between a
spendthrift and pillow2 One is hard
up and the other is soft down.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable defended his position by say
ing they made a man forget all his other
miseries.
A Holyoke man had his revenge on an
enemy. He tied a rock TO cats tail
and anchored her in the backyard, for
an all nights serenade.
A New York man has christened his
daughter Glycerine. He says it will be
easy to prefix Nitro, if her temper re-
sembles her mothers.
Can there be anything brought into
this House." asked a disgusted member,
"that will not be repealed sooner or
later y One of the opposition suggested
"a skinned orange"
Boarder-"Has the red haired girl
gone away 2"
Landlady-"Yes, sir"
Boarder-"I thought so. / found a
black hair in the butter to-day"
There Is something wonderfully grand
and impressive about the roar of thun-
der, until you discover it has soured the
last half pint of milk in the house
CDanbury News.
A Camden man lugged butcher knife
around for two hours, offering to kill any
one who said he wasn't Moses, of Biblical
fame. Every one said he looked just like
Moses.
A sensible writer advises those who
would enjoy good eating TO keep good
natured, for, says he, IAN angry man
cannot tell whether he is eating boiled
cabbage or stewed umbrellas"
An editor, quoting DIR. Halls advice to
"eat regularly, not over three times a
day. and nothing between meals, adds,
"Tramps will do well to cut this out and
put it in their bank books"
A blighted being, whose nose should
serve as O beacon of warning to the
youth of our land, says the ladies' dresses
this year are laboring under a violent at
tack of delirium trimmings.- Norris
town Herald.
1t was a printer who perpetrated this
double barrelled, breach loading, pun-co-
nundrum: "Why is an old mans farm
in Texas like the focus of a sun glass2
Because it's the place where the sons
raise meat
During the recent tornado a couple Of
Pennsylvania boys were up in q cherry
tree stealing cherries. The tornado car
ried off the cherry tree. and neither the
boys nor the tree have been seen since.
Moral: Never tell lie.
A literary society out West in search
ing for classical name, stumbled on
Apollyon (they had probably heard of
Apollo,) and thereafter displayed upon
its banner the terrible name THE Apoll-
yon Literary Society of -"
Rural hospitality in Spain is highly
spoken of. A stranger can't take lodg-
ings at any country inn, they say, with
out a certainty of being Immediately
waited upon by any number of big bugs.
IN. Y. Com. Advertiser.
A citizen of Dakota took Turkish
bath in Omaha few days ago, and died
within an hour. The verdict of the jury
was: HE hadn't ought to have got so
much of the mud off Of him at one time" +"
II Detroit Free Press.
The Hessian fly is doing much damage
in Iowa, and Keokuk paper inquiringly
asks whence this new pest originated ?
Why everybody ought to know that it
was Washington who made the Hessian
fy.-[N. Y. Com. Adv'r.
"You must cultivate decision of char
acter, and learn to say No" said q father
to his son. Soon afterward, when the
father told the son to chop wood, the
boy said mo" with an emphasis that
showed a remembrance of the lesson.
The cavalry branch Of the army of
Greece numbers eleven men, nine hor-
ses, one old omnibus from New York,
and blackboard for the Colonel. The
horses are now being shod and the cav
airy placed on a war footing Detroit
Free Press.
The intelligent druggist in Cohoes, n.
Y, having given woman hellebore in
stead of rhubarb, from which she nearly
died, she is now giving him the first syl-
liable Of the name of the poison in a suit
for damages [Catskill (N. W Recor-
der.
They were talking Of death, when
one man asked: What were his last
words o. He didn't say any thing" was
the reply. That's just like him" said
the first man, with an approving nod.
There was no gas about him. He was
all business.
Visitor-"Can | see DR.. Jones2'
Servant-"No, sir. He's not at home.
sir"
Visitor-"Could | see his-er deputy p
Servant-"Please, sir, you better wait
till master comes home; as / don't know
where it is and he don't like his things
meddled with.
HOTELS.