Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1876-08-18

1 oAO gOu 4OoGs my uIlAc lSllOW! dSk6u
gentleman ofa four-year-old on Main street
Saturday. mo he sobbed in reply, "b-bu
my mother is"
| Young man, when she asks you whethe
you don't think the clock is too slow, TAX
it for granted that you are no longer want
ed. And don't you forget it.
The boys first really great lesson in act
ing takes place upon meeting his mother il
search OF the pantry key, which lies secure
| 1y at the bottom of his trousers pocket.
| A Kentucky schoolmaster whose wife wa.
one of his pupils had occasion to punisf
her one day. The next day the school
house door bore this inscriptions; sSchoo
closed for one week; schoolmaster ill.,
/ Those three Cinnamon who took water.
melon home and cooked it say that they
feel able to worry along on rice a short
time longer without fooling with any more
new-fangled' arrangements in the vegetable
line. aa-H 81
No man can form even an approximate
idea of the number and infinite variety, of
living creatures which inhabitsthe wood
land solitudes until he lies down on the
green sward under the spreading branches
OF some monarch Of the forest, and counts
or tries to count, the different kinds of
bites he receives in five minutes.
INA GAME of base ball at Eau Claire,
Wis, the other day, ''dead ball" was
thrown with such force as to pass through
baseman's hands and strike him in The
body. He picked up the ball and threw it
''home, and then fell over himself, hav-
ing caught the balls popularity, He was
dead, and his spirit was F'home,"
AMERICAN SALMON, sent from Oregon to
England, are sold at retail at twenty cents
pound. The trade is now oarried m
around Cape Horn, sud the voyage takes
from one hundred to one hundred and thir-
ty days. The fish are all caught in the
Columbia river, and about one thousand
tons will be shipped this season.
Exchange.
A thirsty topper, in bar room, flung
down his sixpence and then filed his glass
to the brim with whiskey. "Hold onlS ex-
claimed the bartender, in apparent aston
ishment, there is chrome goes with that
drink! !" and tearing off a portion of the end
OF cigar box, he-p politely handed it across
the counter.
A good joke is going the rounds OF the
western part of this State at the expense of
an erudite editor of one of the Michigan dali
lies, who, on discovering a fire, rushed out
into the street shouting: 'sConfiagrationi
contiagration! cOnfagration! Approx
mate hither with the implements of -deluge
and eXtinguish this combustion"
Detroit EUenialg Neus.
Mary, do not approve of your enter
tanning your sweetheart in the kitchen "
said lady to her servant. ''Well Ma'am,
it's very kind of you to mention it, but he's
from the country you see, ma'am, and I'm
afraid he's too shy and orkard in his man.
ners, ma'am, for you to like him to come up
into the parlor, replied Mary.
at the close of concert, while young
gentleman was struggling with his hat,
cane, oyercoat, opera-glass and his young
lady's fan, all Of which he was trying to
keep on his lap, a suspicious looking black
bottle fell on the floor with a thud. |
g There" he exclaimed to his companion.
g shall lose my cough medicine! There |
was presence of mind for YOU.
A man who was not clever at conun-
drums, in attempting to get off one at a tea |
party at his own house the other evening. |
became exceedingly mixed. He Intended to
ask the. old question, s'Why is a woman /
like ivy?" the familiar but gallant answer
10 which is, 'tBecause, the more yon're
ruined the closer she clings.p But he mt
It. ''Why is ivy like woman? ~ which none
of the ladies could ell, and so the unfortu-
nate man told them himself that II was
Because the closer it clings the more
you're ruined.
CURE FOR HYDRoPHoR1A.-Our readers
Will thank US for the following sure pre-
1entive against hydrophobia in dogs: Boil
jhree teaspoonfuls of salt and an ounce ~
'arbolic powder in pint of water, squeeze
n a lemon, and then let piece of meat
immer in the mixture to give it an attract
We taste, take ont the meat and put the
iquid in q cool place. Then, while the
emedy is cooling, lead the dog out behind
he barn and shoot him between the ewes
With Remington rifle. One pint of the
iquid will be found enough for hundred
logs, Rome Sentinel.