Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1876-10-20

Miss DIMITY's POLITICAL DISCOVERIES.
Miss Dimity knows all about IL now.
She languished long time in ignorance,
and felt her situation keenly, but at last
she is wiser and sadder. She always want
ed to talk politics and belong 10 some par
ty but how could she, when she did not
even know the difference between a demo-
crat and a republican, She looked anx-
iously through all the papers to gain some
information on the subject, but the only
plain statements she found were that the
democrats Lre all liars and swindlers, and
the republicans all thieves and scoundrels.
Finally she asked her papa about 1t, and
he looked at her over his speclacles and
said: IA democrat, my dear child, is-by
the way, you left Jumps 10 the heels of my
stockings when yon darned them, last
week. Girls nowadays are good for moth
ing" Then she asked her big brother,
and he said: "Thats easy ask me hard
er one. democrat supports the govern
ment as long as the government will sup
port him, and republican lets no guilty
man escape until he has crammed all of
his pockets and the crown of his hat"
She next asked her sweetheart, but he
turned pale, and, falling back on his chair,
famed himself furiously while he gasped:
"Emmeline, my love, hope you are not
getting strong g-minded. / could not think
of marrying a woman who knows more
than THAN other women" Next she
asked a wise and learned man, and ho
looked pompously at her and said "Too
deep, my dear, too deep; difference in the
platforms; very complicated subject;
could never explain it TO a woman. In
fact, it's so deep that don't exactly under
-ah, believe you could understand it,"
Then she went TO an editor. They always
know everything. 1t is PECULIARLY Of
the profession. They can get up q theory
or explanation OF or remedy for anything
inside of 45 seconds. She asked him, with
suffused eyes, if lie would please tell her
the difference between a democrat and
republican. He looked little startled at
first, stuck his pen into the glue-pot, tum-
bled pitcher of ice wafer over pile of
exchanges, jerked up his collar, and was
"himself again." He said: "a republican
has an Office, and wants TO keep it. He
thinks rag-money good, hard-money bet
ter, but either kind good enough. He
thinks the country needs reform. Salar-
les are too low and the people too nquisi-
tive. He cannot buy $1,000 team OF hors-
es on salary of $500 year, but some one
must ask impertinent questions. His coun-
try is dear to him, but he is dearer 10 his
country. A democrat has no Office, and
wants one. He scorns 10 ask whether the
money Is hard or sOil: he OnlV nasns
'How much p He thinks the country
needs reform. He wants change in Office
and change in his pockets. He holds his
country's honor above price, and sells his
own to the highest bidder. He" bat
Miss Dimity put her hands over her ears
and cried, "Please tell me the name of
that other party TO which honest men and
patriots belong" Then that editor laughed
an inhuman laugh, and said: "Long ago,
they took lantern when they wanted to
F. find an honest man; you had better bor-
row half dozen headlights aud garden
rake and go and look for that party. How
ever, If you are true patriot, you will
work for the republicans, for they all have
cotla=es at Long Branch and villas in
Washington and Paris, and are pretty well
supplied with funds; but the democrats
have been out long time, t5eir money is
all gone and their villas are mortgaged. 1t
will be dreadful strain on the treasury,
and" Miss Dimity did not wait for
more. And now when any one talks poll
tics in her presence she listens with that
benign sadness that is born Of superior
wisdom. Omaha Republican.