The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1876-03-29
FACTS AND FANoIEs.
A celeatial he,l. dealer saws he b

a celestial he4a dealer says ne mas
a coach in China.
Telegraphing is cheap now. They
send messages on stick"
Dandies and nanny goats never
fail to pride themselves upon their
kids.
The robins and bluebirds that were
skipping round 80 lively the other
day have returned to Florida.
Remember" said a trading Quak.
er to his son, .'in making thy way
through the world, a spoonful Of oil
will go further thana quart of vine
gar
London Punch -(At a Parity
He, ''Shall ne sit down. She. Il
should like to. but my dress-maker
says ! must not"
A couple who had made arrange
ments to elope quietly to California.
said they we're going to try the
Pacific slope.
| According to the poet. morn
awazes the world" but, according 10
other good authorities, baby with
colo does it.
An exchange asks ''Dof failures
fhelp anybody ~ They do. They
help some persons to get out of q
tight place-and others to swear.
Alabama has the champion SOM
nambulist. He not only walks ten
miles on the railroad track in his
sleep, but avoids two or three trains
by going on the siding.
Some vile punster has been re-
marldug upon the pleasures of TAX
/ ing rid in bed which ''is little
buggy" He should have had q
nightmare harnessed to it.
There are trees so tall in Cali
| fornia that it takes two men and a
! boy to look to the top of Them. One
looks till he gets tired and another
commences were the first left off.
There are many persons floating
on the surface of society who inn
agine themselves the creme de la
creme. Any miikman who knows
them can tell you they are the thin
nest kind of skim milk.
Free Press: Some people regard
it as singular that a man ~ no new
| er played cards in his life, because
it's wicked will exact fifteen per
cent. interest from a widow.
MADAM cynically observed
gentleman to leader of fashionable
society of Washington, "woman
doesn't seem to be as much of a
clinging vine rs she once was
That's because Of the extreme in
security OF the manly oak she re-
piled.
The Boston Bulletin has prepared
the following list Of epitahS for the
million
Epitsph for liar
In life be lied while he had bresth;
And strange to say, Tres still IN death.
For an undertaking for n rise.
For bsker-He kneadE no more on earth.
For betting man" Better on "
For brewer:
weiI-known brewer heth here;
His ails o'er-he's on '%his bier. "
FOR q yraiter-GOnIy waiting"
For docto--''waiting with patients
Tor beggsr-I asked for bread and they gave me
For boot-biack-with The shining ones
For potter:
On earth be oft turned clay to den,
But now he's turned 10 clay himself
FOR a Observation-Disclosures ground
For dress- maker-"For the fashion Of this world
pass-th sway"
! For musical director:
In boating Time hts life ~ss passed
But Time has beaten Linn at last
FOR q saiior-Arch red.
For an suctioneer-Gone
For d Tatchmaker-StoppeJ.
For barber-5cent ahead.
! For uheelwright-Tired Of life.
For TelegrapheT- Dispatched.
For scalensker;
His Weighs were the ways Of pleasantness.
In al Bfc's ftful dream;
He struck a balance with the world.
And then-he kicked the beam
What do you mean. you little
rascal?-' exclaimed an individual to
an impudent youth who had seized
him by the nose on the street. 'Oh,
nothing-only I am going out to
seek my fortune. aud my father told
me to seize hold of the first thing
that turred up"
Grant is following the plan he adopt
| ed IN the Babcock case, in that of Bel
| kuap and those of his associate thieves.
| He is bent on frightening off the wit
! nesses TO bribery and corruption by
! threatening them with the penalties of
! the law if they tell what they know. AL
/ ready he has driven Marsh out of the
/ country.-H. !. Sun.
Here's trusting we may live
many years. said William link.
| yesterday afternoon to his friends,
/ in John Ruff-s saloon, at No. 81
! Bushwick avenue, as they touched
glasses. But his glass dropped to
the floor before it reached his lips,
and he fell back in his chair dead
| ". !. Tribune, 18th
! Pears to me you've got a putty
slim fire. Mirandy," said a spinGling
youth, the other night, as he sat in
front of the fireplace by the side of
a buxom young girl who had no
earthly use for him. Yes" she
said, as che wickediy looked at the
floor behind him. tits about all you
and the fire can do between you TO
get up a respectable shadow
How to Make Nice Girl.-First
get Your girl. IN. B.-She mustn't
be an old girl. but young one, nice
and tender.) Bring her up from ear.
tIy infancy en- a strict diet of hot
| pickles. cold brandy and water. and
French novels. Send her to fash
| ionable boarding.school to be Finish
ell OFF, and when she comes home
for the holidays carefully develop
her latent love for dress. extraya'
giant habits and fondness for fiirta,
tons. Buy her the Slang distionary
and let her go every where and dc
everything she likes. By the time
che is twenty one she viii be quite
nice girl.