The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-01-15

BARRIERS are well informed on com tb ing
events.
An Ulster overcoat covers multitude
of sins.
A regular boarder is one who pays his
bill weekly.
-" Centennadelphia " is the latest name
for the Quaker City.
"A considerate proceeding sending a
standing army to the seat of war.
=" THE best aud oldest advertising medi-
UNI An old maids sewing circle.
We know all about shooting stars, but
often forget that the earth is a revolver,
An exchange suggests that bees are
merchants because they cell their honey.
Josh Billings says: "Yu kant change
date by kussin' after an edition has been
'orked off"
They're to have an Educational display
at the Centennial, to be sure. But isn't it
bad to have it in the neighborhood of the
School. kill .
"A girl who had never seen an ulster
overcoat, caught sight of one Yesterday.
and wished TO know if that mans pants
were in the wash was the reason he wore
his wfe's waterproof.
"A correspondent wants to know the
best way to become literary man. Well,
the quickest way for him is to make short
voyage to sea. He will very likely become
a contributor to the atlantic.
&c Sir, you are political thing.-a per-
ambulating monument of mcanness-a
bankrupt in everything but cheekr,-
Boss, | don't understand German, but
I'll drink with you" The difficulty was
settled on that basis.
-" Mrs. Sage, should like to know
whose ferry boats these are that tumbed
over in the hall - Ferry boats indeed,
sir. Those are my shoes. Very polite of
you to call 'em ferry boats.' "Didn't say
ferry boats, Mrs. Sage; you misunderstood
me-fairy boots, said, my dear friend"
Dan remarked to his wife the other
evening, as he left home for the office, "Tu
be back by ten O'Clock, if l don't meet
with any serious pull back" cit wont
be we'll for you to meet with any pull
backs, Daniel, serious or smiling, if l
know it, said his better half.
IT'S remarkable what effect wooden
too;hpicks have on some people. We no.
ticed one young man, who went out after
each act at the theatre a few evenings SINCE
His partner, toward the close of the enter
tainment, asked him what made his tongue
so thick. "Mus' be re toothpicks. Pint
sharper SEWN Chine needle"
The other evening when a resident of
this town was eating supper, his little eight
year old son slid around and whispered:
" Father, you may have my new Sled"
g Well, my son, what do you want to give
me your sled for9' MA, says you are
trying to be good" replied the boy, "and
| want to do all can to help you.''
A wag entered smoking car on the
Central a few days ago while the train was
in motion, and in au earnest and sympa-
thetic tone said: There is lady in the
next coach tainted away. Has any gentle
man any liquor for her ~ Twenty, eight
men in that car Immediately rose to their
feet, each with a flask in his hand. A
more eloquent expression of sympathy
could not be conceived
-"Pa, are you in favor of the Bible in
the public schools ?" asked youngster at
the breakfast table the other morning.
Why, of course, l am" responded the
father, pleased that such an important
subject should engage the attention of his
youthful offspring. What makes you
ask such question, my son ~ go, moth
ing rejoined young hopeful, "only l
have had one at home.' The urchin
lodged but he wasn't quick enough.
An individual who had made quite a
number of calls, on vending his way home
stopped to rest against a telegraph pole
and improved his time by casting his
bread, not upon the waters, but at the
roadside, and during this action diminu-
tive canine came along, and stopped to sniff
at the quality of viands partaken of by our
convivial friend, who, on casting down his
eyes perceived the dog, and thus sollo-
quized: 81 know (hic) full well where l
got them (hicl oysters, and that (hic) tur-
key and that cake (hic) and that celery,
but (hic) hang me if I know where l swal-
lowed that (hic) dorg." And he straight
ened up and shot off on bee line for home.
An interesting incident of Thanksgiv-
ing proclamations the Adpance thus relates:
"Soon after Chief Justice Chase became
Governor in Ohio he issued his proclama-
ton appointing Thanksgiving day. To
make sure of being orthodox, he composed
his proclamation almost exclusively of pas
sages from the Bible, which he did not
designate as quotations, presuming that
every one would recognize them, and ad-
mire the fitness of the words, as we'll as
his taste in their selection. The proclama-
ton meeting the eyes of Democratic edi-
tor, he pounced at once upon it, declared
that he had read it before-couldn't exactly
say where, but would take his oath that it
was downright plagiarism from beginning
to end. That would have been a pretty
fair joke; but the next day the Republican
editor came out valiantly in defense of the
Governor, and pronounced the charge false
and lbelous, and challenged any man liv-
ing, to produce one single line of the proc
lamation that had ever appeared in pint
BEFORE
A Foolish GIRL.-Love of mystery and
romance seems to be an inherent part of the
moral makeup of girls. remember hear
ing of silly little creature, the daughter
of well-todo grocer, who persuaded her
lover that papa would never consent to
their union, so eloped with him. At the
end of two days. during which time her