Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-09-29
The Old Tauae Religion.


| Brother Simon.-I say, brewer Horace, L
hearn you give Meriky de terriblest beating
las mite. What you and she hab a fallin'
out about?
| Brother Horace.-Wen, brewer Simon,
you knows yourself never has no dejec-
ton 80 splanifying how rules my folks at
home. and Establishes order dar when it's
p'intedly needed, and fore gracious! l
| Leah you to say dis time eff 'tWa'n't needed,
and dat pow'ful bad
You see, I'se alters been d plain straight
sided niger, an haint never had no use
for new fandangles, let it be what it mout;
| ligion, polytix, bisness, don't keer what,
Ole Horace say: De ole way am de bes'
| way, an you niggers OATS all runn1n' tee
totleum crazy bout cherry new jio-crack
dat's started, better jes' stay What you is.
| and let them things alone. But dey won't
do it, no mount of preaching wont sarYe
! UNI. And dat is jes' at this partickeler
pint dat Merilzy got dat dressin'. She
done been off to Richmun Town livin' in
saryice dar dis las winter, and Saturday a
week ago, she canned home ter make a Wis
it. Well, dat was all good enough. Course
| we was all glad to see our darter. But you
b'i'eve dat gal hadn't turned stark bodily
naked fool? Yes sir; she WANT no more
like de Meriky dat went away jes' few
hunts ago, dan clalk's like cheese. Oar
she come in, wild her close pinned tight
enuff to hinder her from squattin and her
ha'ra- danglin right in her eyes, jes' for all
de worl7 like ram a looking fru q brush
pile, and you think dat Niger haint forgot
how to talk? She jes' rolled up her eyes
cherry oder word and famed and talked
like she spected to die de mex pref. She'd
toss dat mush-head Oh hern and Ualk prop
er as two dixunarys. Stead OBJ she calm
oh me Daddy" and her mudder, MANI
N.Y." she say, Par and Mar, how can you
bear to live in sech a one-hoss town as
this? Oh! think l should de- and right
about dar she hab all de actions ob an ole
drake in thunderstorm. l jes' stared at
dat gal tell maze her OFT, an says l to
myself. Its got to come, but don't say
nothin' to nobody bout lt,-a1 de same l
knowed it had come 'fus as las. Well, |
jes' let her hab more rope, as de sayin' is,
tell she got whar 'cluded was about de
end oh her tedder. Dat war on last Sum
dar morniu', when she went to meetln' in
SIGH rig, a-putten On airs, tell she couldn't
keep d straight track. Whin she came
home, she brung kumpny wild her, and, OBJ
course, couldn't do nuthin then but,
jes' kept my ears open, an eft dat gal didn't
disquolify me dat day, you ken hab my hat.
Bime-by, dey all gifts to talkln' bout 1igion
and de churches, and den one young buck,
he step up, an says ne: Miss Meriky,
give Us your 'pinion bout de NATTER"
Wild dat she flung up her head proud as de
Queen Victory an says she, II takes no
intelligence in SIGH matters; dey is all to
too common for me. Baptisses is q foot Or
two below ney grade. / tends de Pisciopa :
liam chu 'ch Whar [ resides, an spects to
jine dat one de mex anniversary OBJ de
bishop. Oh! dey does cherry G SO lovely
and in SO much style. I deciar', nobody
but common folks in de city goes to de
Baptiss chu'ch. It made me sick'nt my
in dis mornin', It's SO ungenteel wild us to
make so much sarcumlocutions in meetin."
And thar she went on q giratin' bout de
preacher acomins out in q white shirt, and
den runnin' back and gittin' OF q black
one, and de people a jumpln' up and q jaw
in OBJ de preacher outen book, and a
bowin' Oh day heads and q saying OBJ long
rigamaroles o. stuff. tell my head fairly
buzzed, and were dat mad at de gal les
couldn't see muffin in dat room. Well,
jes' waited tell the kumpny riz to go, and
den I steps up, and, says |, ''Y Dung folks,
you needn't let what Meriky told you bout
dat chu'ch, put no change inter you. She's
sorter out ob her right mine now, but dc
mex time you comes, she'll be all right on
dat and seberal oder subjicks;" and den
dey stared at Meriky mighty hard and goes
away,
Well, jes' walks up to her and l says,
"Darter, " says l, what church are dat
you say you gwine to jine?n says she,
very prompt like, ''De Pisclopalian. Pa"
and says l, ''Meriky, Use mighty consumed
bout you, kase l knows your mine amt
right, and I shall jis' hab to bring you
roun' de shortest way possible" So I reich
me fine bunch Of hick'ries l done pre-
pared for dat 'casion. And den she jump
ed up and say she, Nv hat make you think
I loss my senses?" ''Bekase, darter, you
done forgot how to walk, and to talk, and
dem is sure signs" and wild dat jes' let
in on her tell [ 'stonished her 'siderably.
Fore were done wild her she got ober
dem dyin' airs and jumped as high as a
hopper grass. Bime-by she gins to holler,
ooh, Lordy, daddy! daddy don't give me
no more" And says I, "You're imp1ovin'
dat's q fac'--done got your nat'ral voice
back. What chu'ch does you long to,
Meriky?" And says she, a cryin', II don't
'Iong to none, Par"
Well, l glib her anodder lettle fetch, and
says [, What chu'ch does you long to,
darter?" and, says she, all choked like, Il
doesn't long to none" Den I jes' make
dem hick'ries ring for bout five minute,
and den I say, "What chu'ch you longs
to aow, Meriky?" And says she fairly
shoutin', "Baptiss, rs a deep-water Bap-
tiss. ''-''Berry good,"' says l, You don't
spect to hab your name tuck often dem
chu'ch books?'' And says she, mo, sar;
1 alius did despise dem stuck-up Pisclop-
aleans; dey amt got no 'ligion nohow."
Brewer Simon, you never see gal so hol-
pen by good, genteel thrashin' in all your
u. Ri
nose in dem new fandangle churches no
more. Why, she jes' walks as straight
dis morning, and looks as pert as sun
flower. I'll lay a ten-cent she'll be a-sing-
in before night dat good ole hymn she