Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1876-09-03

journey TO India, much TO the dissdvan,
tage OF the heir to the English throne.
An English paper exultiDgly exclaimi
that the TURKS appear to know how to
make capital use Of their improved
arms. Recent events induces the belief
that they know hOs TO use their legs,
too.-Nea0 York Commercial AdUeyt iser.
General John G. Fremont ducked his
head this noon behind q ten-cent bowl
of milk, In Park row restaurant. He
wore suit of navy blue and q ten.shil.
ling straw hat. Despite hls gray hairs,
he looks hearty and vigorJus.-Ne0
York Express.
A Welsh Judge, notorious for his greed
OF office and his want of personal clean
illness, was once complaining Of being
neglected. "My dear sir, ;" said Jekyn,
in his most amiable tones, 'you have
asked the minister for almost everything
else, why don't you ash him for a piece
of soap and Dsil-biushW
A butcher of some social eminence
WAS In company with several ladies at q
game OF whilst where, having lost two or
three IubbeTs, one of the ladies address.
ing him, asked, "Pfay, sir, what are the
stakes now" To which, ever mindful
Of his occupation, he replied, MADAM,
the best rump l csGDoJ sell lower than
tenpence hs'penny pouod."
''Ihere is no Royal road for a govern
ment more than for an individual or a
corporation. What you want TO do now
is to cut down your expenses and live
within your income. l would give all
The. legerdsmaiD .0f finance and hnan.
cieTing-I would give the whole of il for
the old hOmely maxim, Live within
you. income ~ Governor TElden'S Let.
ter. t sE-
Roger NJ. Sherman was arguing q
case, and made point which the Judge
did not at once see. "AIr. Sherman
s3id he, al would thank you to state the
point 60 that can understand your
BowiDg politely, Sherman replied, in
his blandest manner, "YCur honor Is not
probably aware OF the task you are i'm
posing on me-"
Two Buffalo gentlemen ct restaurant
on the Centennial grounds, Philadel-
phis, few days since called for boiled
tongue and cold roast beef. The darky
brought only the latter, On being re-
minded of the order, as given. ne replied
with extreme pomposity: ayes, sab; 1
remember, sab; de loss am due to the
defslcstion of the cookw
In thriving town of Michigan, a wear
or two ago, when the country vas full
OF SCENTS, and almost everybody was
agent for something or other, a certain
infant Of that town, being blessed by the
advent OF baby brother, was very in
quisitive as to where the little stranger
came from. Being Informed that DR. s.
had brought it, he stood In brown
study for moment, when, with the in.
teliigent look OF one who has solved
difficult matter, he asked: "Ssy, pa, ia
he the agent for them?r
A clergyman went to a livery.stable
one hot day, recently, to get team.
| While waiting for it to be harnessed, he
pulled off his coat and sat down in
convenient chair. A doctor came for
his horse and, seeing the p2rson in his
shlrt-sleeves, remarked, facetiously,
"You are the man / want. l should
like to get you to help me about my
hsying.n The parson said, with q
twinkle in his eye: "I can't pitch, and
can't NOW; but perhaps I can rake
after you'll am inst going to attend a
| fuDerAl.n
Boston Transcript: This is a police
mans stery: A good, pious man, who
limps slightly, happened to be out late,
up town, the other night, when a hilari-
GUS young chap, with an unlighted cigar
stump, stopped him and asked for
match. 81 don't carry matches; never
smoke" replied the good man, indig.
nantly. "R-b-but, you know, you want
to get in easy, old fellow, tonight, and
you ought to have one for the k-k.key.
hole" said the wsyward youth. At this
point the policeman interfersd, and the
matches man moved on.
Look here, Squire, where was you
b1rn?" said persistent yankee to q
five minutes acquaintance. 81 was
born" said the victim, Gin Boston, Tre-
mont street, No. A left hand style, on
the first Gay of August, 1920, at five
O'Clock in the evening; physician, DR..
! Warren; nurse, Sally Benjamin." The
yankee was answered completely. For
a moment he was stuck. Soon, how
ever, his face frightened, and be quickly
said: "Yeas; wal, calculate you
don't recollect whether it was frame
or brick building, dew yeP
About eleven years ago the last canni-
bal feast was held ia Kandavu, one OF
the FIJI Islands. Tie remains Of the
pits in which the bodies were burned
are still to be seen, and the chairman"
at The banquet is not only alive, but has
the honor to represent on the Island In
az official capacity her majesty Queen
Victoria. We regret that no journal of
that period has preserved record of the
speeches that were made and the songs
that were chanted on the occasion, but
we doubt rot that "the feast of ressOnn
which took place wss accompanied with
all the hilarity that was suitable.
A lady pressed friend to visit her in
the country. On entering the room in
which the company assembled before
dinner, he found himself alone with q
little girl, elegantly dressed. Fer time
they got along very well together, when
she .. esently bethOught herself that she
would like to know the name OF her
new friend. He told her his name; to
which she instantly replied with the
utmost nGivete, go, then you are the
man that mamma says has sung him.
self into societyw He then remem.
bered that 1t had been a special proviso
in the invitation that he should bring
his music with him.
A hater of tobacco asked an old negro
woman, the fumes Of whose pipe were
annoying to him, If she thought she was
christian. "Yes, brudder, / 'spects 1
is." "Do you believe in the bible?'
oyer, bfu1der.H "Do you know there
is passage in the Scripture which says
that nothing unclean shall enter the
kingdom OF heaven?" ayes, I've heard
of it." "Well, Chloe! you smoke, and
you cannot enter into the kingdom of
heaven, because there is nothing so I'M
clean as the breath of q smoker. WHAT
do you say to tha:?" "Why, 1 specs
to leave my bref behind Lne when I go
dsrn
A Scotch minister thus discoursed on
the carelessness of his flock: Brethren,
when you leave the church, just look
down at the dukes swans; they are very
bonny swans, an they'll be coming
about an aye docking doom their heads
an having themselves VII the clear wa
ter till they are a. sleekit; then you'll
see them cooming to the shore, an they
will gle their wings bit flap am they're
dry again. Now, my friends, you come
here every Sabbath, an lave you a,
over VII the Gospel till ye're fairly
dOokit VII it. But you just gang AVA