Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-11-03
f. q N =


BUSINESS And when comely woman
enters mans office, bitches up her hair,
places fair hand on his arm, and begins
to talk about policies, he feels as if his
life ought to be insured pretty soon. And
this feeling is greatly augmented should
his wife drop in Unexpectedly during the
interview.
An elderly darkey was inquiring of a po-
Hceman If he knew anything of his son
PETE, The policeman replied that there
was young darkey in the lookup for break
ing up a prayer-meeting with an axe
handle. .sDat's him." exclaimed the over
joyed parent. HE told me he was gwine
to muse hisself."
A farmer told his man to run into the
pasture and catch an OK. 81 mean the off
one [ will manage the other myself" he
said. The man ran on to do as he was bid
den, but suddenly paused on the way with
the exclamation, "He is reasonable fel
low, anyhow. How am I to know which
is the orphan 20
An intelligent foreigner, passing through
the streets Of Phila delphia, took out his
notebook at the end Of d long walk, and
made little memorandum to the effect
that ''eighty- nine per centum OF the popu-
lation of Philadelphia are members of the
powerful family of Roomstolet"
The "Belle Americana. y - Suitor -
'Well, may hope then dear, that at some
future time may have the happiness of
making you my wife. American charmer-
Eyes, hope SO, Pm sore, for Pm getting
real tired of suing fellows for breach of
promise Of MARRIAGE
DR.. Chalmers used to say that when one
is in the act of tipping his hat to lady
whom he supposes to be an acquaintance,
it requires good deal of tact to make be-
lieve that he is only scratching his head
when he finds size is a stranger.
A NEWSBOY'S CONUNDRUM.-W Is
one of them political chaps as talks to
folks, when he is windin' up his speech,
like newsboy at s slpt down and ripped
his trowsers? cause he IS toDard has
close (tored his clothes).
AS young lady, at party, was playing
the piano brilliantly, a rich old bachelor
exclaimed: I'D give the world for those
fingers" perhaps you could get the
whole hand by asking for it, remarked
the young lady's mamma.
At collection made at charity fair, a
lady offered the plate to d rich man known
well for his stinginesS. Il have nothing"
was the curt reply.-''Then take SOME
thing, SIR said the lady "you know 1 am
begging for the poor.'
It is looked upon as Il good joke and an
oininous sign in Cincinnati, that during
the late ''Exposition parable" the carriage
in which Two noted presidential aspirants
rode, Was driven by the leading Undertaken
of the city.
Dean Swift proposed to tax female
beauty, aud Leave every lady to rate her
own charms. Such Il tax woulu, we dale
say, W more cheerfuliy paid, uni inoio
productive, too, than that upon dogs.
Il would 90 to tie end Of the world to
please you," said an ardent lover " Tie
Tie object Of his affections. NOTHING
would please me more than to nave you 90
here, was the sweet reply.
A young doctor to d lady patient YoA
must take exercise for your health
'.All right" said she; 81 will jump al
the first offer.'' They We're married iii
q bout six months.
A Kansas paper says : ga mule kicked
an insurance agent i'll this place Oh the
cheek, tue other day. The agents cheek
Was uninj ured, but the mules hoof WAS
broken.'
Your feet are not very Stylish" said Il
man to his friend, whose feeJ We're covered
with bunions. mo, not stylish, but ex-
ceedingly, ',tobby,'" Was the good-nalureu
reply.
Palestine is to have railroad, and the
cry will soon be: ''All aboard for Jeru-
salem. Passengers Tor Moab and the Dead
Sea will please remain in the forward car
Probably enc of the most trying times
in a mans life is when he introduces his
second wife, seventeen years old, to his
eldest daughter, who is past twenty.
And now comes a Boston woman who,
to Guido her fashionable sisters with theil
twenty-botton gloves, has invented aud
wears forty-button stockings.
An agricultural editor winds up an
editorial on the corn crop with the remark,
I'VE have on exhibition in our sanctum a
pair OF magnlgcent ears.'
What is the difference between tie outer
wall Of a bridge and a couple of young
ladies The first is parapet, and the
second are a pair OF pets.
A reason for calling. Visitor, (na;vely):
t.SVell, certainly never dreamt l S iould
find you at home on such lovely after
noon as this ~
Il see the villain in your face,' said
magistrate to a prisoner, Your Honor"
eetorted the prisoner, SHAT is d personal
reflection. ?"
The fist gun in West Virginia didn't
G otf.-Boston Post.
The second will Wait Tilden.
1t is at the approach of dinner time that
we feel most senslbly the emptiness of
things below.
On dit, that Boston is to have paper
edited exclusively by ladies'. 1t will make |
a ''bustle.'
The vegetable which young love is al |
WAYS greedy for is to-mate-oh.
The latest wedding trip novelty is to
take the BRIDES along.
About the WORST go imaginable is the
zumbagO.