The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-02-18
Miscellaneous.
DiscOuraging Business.
TIE THERMOMETER MAN IN DETROIT.

He was way-worn man from the Eas
and he had thirty-seven thermometers in
basket on his arm. After standing on th
street corners for two or three hours withou
making sale, he started for the eastern
parts of the city, hoping to do better among
the private houses. lie seemed to gain con
fidcnce from the cheerful look of the dwell
lings, and he bore himself like banker a
he ascended the steps and pulled the doc
bell,
Nothing for the poor said the lady, a
she opened the door.
81 am not soliciting for the poor / an,
selling thermometers, 'he replied in balmy
voice.
Don't want any-bought our stock in the
fall" she said, drawing in her head.
81 said thermometers, Madam" he called
in despairing voice.
81 know it, but we've got all the vegeta-
bles we can use," she called back, and the
door struck his toes.
Going in the saloon on the corner the man
addressed the proprietor with sweet smile
asking:
"Would you like thermometer to day ?'
"By de pushel?" inquired the saoonist.
"No a thermometer; a little instrument
for telling you when it is cold or warm"
..Any music-box in p" inquired the sa-
| loonist.
| '!No; it records the weather"
"What wedder?"
"Why, the weather we have every day in
the year. When it is warm this little bulb
runs up; when it is cold it sinks down.
"Umph When it sh warm I dakes my
goat off; When it ish gold I but more goal on
poy as knows noddingsW
The thermometer man entered carpet
weaver's and the bow-backed man nodded
kindly, and cordially welcomed him.
accurate thermometers for only twenty
five cents" said the peddler, as he held up
one.
''New thing ?" said the weaver, as he took
one in his hand.
"We have had thermometers for many
years. People have come to consider them
household necessity"
"Zero? Zero? Who was Zero ?" asked
the weaver, reading the word behind the
glass.
The thermometer man explained, and the
weaver, after trying to get his thumb nail
under the glass, asked
"Wheie does the blamed thing open?"
thermometers are not made to open,
my friend" was the reply.
"Well don't want no thermometer around
me that won't open!' growled the weaver.
81 thought it was a new kind of ofstove-handle
when you came in, or shouldn't have looked
at it"
The thermometer man next tried a dwell
ing house. In answer to his ring the door
was instantly and swiftly opened by red
faced woman, who hit him with a club and
cried out
"Tll learn you, you young villain !"
She apologzed and explained that several
bad boys had been ringing the door-bell and
he forgave her and said:
81 have some accurate and handsome ther-
mometers here. Would you-"
"We never have hash for breakfast" she
interrupted. "My husband detests hash,
and so don't want to buy"
Hash A thermometer has nothing to do
with hash !" he exclaimed.
"Well, I can't help that" she replied,
slowly closing the door. eve haven't any
lamps to mend, and you shouldn't track
mud on the steps that way"
There was a portly man crossing the street,
and the thermometer man beckoned to him
halted him, and when he got near enough
asked:
"Can sell you an accurate thermometer
to day?"
"a whatW
"A thermometer"
"What do want with 4 thermometer"
exclaimed the portly man, raising his voice
n peg.
"Why, to note the weather."
"You blamed idiot! Do you suppose
run the weather." roared the fat man, grow
ing purple in the face.
"But you want to know when its hot or
cold, don't y)u?"
Am | such an old fool that don't know
when it's summer and when it's winter?"
shrieked the fat man.
ave all know, of course" replied the
stranger, "cvery respectable family has
thermometer now days"
"Ihey have, eh | never had one nor
wouldn't have any, and do you dare tell me
that I amt respectable?" screamed old
portly.
81 didn't mean"
eyes, you did, and you've made me miss
the car and I'll cane you"
The thermometer man wadcd across the
muddy street and made his escape, and at
dusk last night was backed up against the
soldiers monument, his basket between his
feet, and was squirting sadly at the clock on
the City Hall-DetroH Free Press.