Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1876-10-12
OUR JOKER.

A Connecticut school marin who
was recently kissed in the dark by
mistake, explained her omission to
use any light for nearly two weeks
afterwards, on the ground of hard
times.
Nearly every man tells his wife
| there is another man in town who
closely resembles him, and who is
frequently seen coming out of sa-
looms.
Geo. l. Fox, the clown, is recover
ing. When he got hold of bad egg
the other morning he made one of
those old faces just as easily and nat
uraliy as ever.
wharfage is promotion" says Gee.
Elliot. In the eyes of such
res soner man with his third wife
would doubtless pass for a Brigadier-
General.
The Louisville Courier-J ournal
man has been sworn in as member
of Congress, and now Kentucky feols
big as she reflects over Watlerson
she has.
A st. Louis man ran six blocks
after his nose, thinking he was going
to a fire.
Awkward Ornaments - A well
moulded arm is prottier without
bracelets; besides, they are liable to
scratch fellows ear.
Il brewer having been drowned in
one of his own watts, "Alas poor
fellow" said Jrkyll, FLOATING on his
own watery bier -
Nearly all the post-offices in Texas
are in charge of "females." 1t works
so we'll that the "msles" now arrive
and depart every hour of the day.
London policemen are to have
cork hemlets. The cork ls supposed
to prevent their fizz-ique and to IN
crease thei- pop 'ularity.
Mrs. Stow says we never know
how much we love until we try un-
love To man who has tried TO
quit smoking this needs no argu-
ment.
What piece Of carpentry becomes a
gem as soon as it is finished? "A gate.
Here is the verdict of Kansas
Jury: "Died of kick in the stom.
ach from his wife, and he never knew
what hurt him"
An old colored preacher in this
city was lecturing youth of his fold
about the sin of dancing, when the
latter protested that the Bible plainly
said, "There Is q time to dance"
eyes, dar am time to dance" said
the dark divine, "and it's when boy
gifts a whippin' for gwine to a ball."
A lady, in describing to an irrever-
ent boy an occurrence in which his
father figured, closed by remarking;
81 am sorry to say that the thing end
ed by your father losing his temper"
Did father lose his temper?" ex-
claimed the young scsprgrace; "then
| hope he'll never find it again, for it
was the worst temper | ever heard
Of"
A dfii,ult lock to pick from
u bald head,
A hearty man will grow round on
square meals.
{ George Eliot says that young
mans eyes are first opened to the
world when he is in love. This is not
always 80. Usually it is when he
has gone away from homo and had
bis washing sent out for the first
time, and finds among it when it re"
turns an odd stocking with two red
stripes about the top, and long
enough TO button around bis neck.
A widow of my acquaintance at
the Ocean was emphatic of the hor.
rible figure that the lovelicst women
must cut while bathing. remark
ed that the Queen of Love and
Beauty was tabled TO have sprung
from the foam of the sea, and that
she must have been charming. "Oh,
yes; but she had nothing on. |
should look charming" Here her
speech come to q sudden halt, and
observing roses blooming all over
her face, | said, 81 have 40 doubt of
it," and walked away.
Good headquarters for young
ladies-On the shoulders of their
sweethearts.
& lady examining the handsome
display of gloves and hosiery at the
fair yesterday, wisely remarked, as
her eyes rested on a pair of ten-but-
ten kibs. f'Yes, they are very hand
some, but one doesn't want to ware
them unless she has q handsome
arm" "And likewise those" sign.
ificantly added her compaion, as she
pointed to a pair of handsomely en-.
broidered stock-we ask pardon,
did some one say "Oh 2"
A five-year old of Dorchester some
what surprised his mother few days
since with the remark : "God is
everywhere ; he is all over me and
when you spank me you spank God.
Our Military Maneuvres Irish
drill-sergent ito squad of militiamen]
-"Pr's't Rims Pr astonishing re-
suit. -"Hiv'ns what prisintl'
Just slip out hero now, and look at
yersilves y
sDoes our constant chatter disturb
your" asked one of the three talktive
ladies of sober looking fellow pas-
senger. "No, ma'am I've been
married nigh on thirty years." was
the reply
Agonizing - What kind Of
picture would you prefer, miss p in-
quired a Newark photographer of a
young lady customer. "Well," was
the reply, stake me with an express
sion as if were writing poem on
the Centennial"
1t is a good sign, whom you go in-
to a young mans room, to lind well
thumbed Bible lying upon the table.
tits @ sign that there are pious SER