Port Royal standard and commercial. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, 1876-12-14
The Sleepy Church Goer.

The Sleepy Church Goer.
The other day Mr.. Bellamy read in a
religious paper the following paragraph:
"Many very good people are annoyed
by sleepiness in church. The following
remedy is recommended Lift the foot
seven inches from the floor, and hold it
in suspense without support for the
limb, and repeat the remedy if the at
tack returns"
Now, Mr.. Bellamy is o very good
man, and he is subject to that very
ANNOYANCE, which in his case amounts
to a positive afliction. So he cut that
paragraph out, in accordance with the
appended instruction, and pasted it in
his hat, and was rejoiced in his inmost
soul to think that he had found relief
from his annoyance. He hoped that
Deacon Ashbury, who had frowned at
him 80 often and 80 dreadfully for nod
ding, hadn't seen the paragraph, for the
deacon sometimes slept under the
preach ed word, and Mr.. Bellamy wanted
to get even with him. Sunday morning
found the good man in his accustomed
place, devout and drowsy as ever. The
church was very comfortably filled with
an attentive congregation, and Mr.. Bel.
lamy was soon cornered up in one end OF
the pew, and the strange young lady
who sat next him was attended by q
very small white dog, that looked Like
roll of cotton batting with red eyes and
black nose. The opening exercises
passed off without incident, and the
minister hadn't got to secondly when
Mr.. Bellamy suddenly reused himself
with a start from a doze into which he
was dropping. His heart fairly stood
still as he thought how nearly be had
forgotten his recipe. He feared to at
tract any attention to himself, lest bis
precious method should be discovered,
and slowly lifted his left foot from the
footstool and b I'D it about seven inches
in the air. As he raised his foot the
strange young lady shrupk away from
him in evident alarm. This annoyed
Mr.. Bellamy, and disconnected him 80
that he was on the point of lowering his
foot and whispering an explanation,
when the dog, which had been quietly
sleeping by the footstool, opened its
eyes, and seeing the upGfted foot slowly
descending in its direction, hastily
scrambled to its feet and backed away.
barking and yelling terrifcally. The
young lady, now thoroughly alarmed,
ierked her feet from off the footstool,
which Immediately flew up under the
weight of Mr.. Bellamy's foot, and the
dog, excited by this additional catas-
trophe, fairly barked itself into convul-
eions. Deacon Ashbury, awakened by
the racket, came tiptoeing and frowDing
down the aisle, bending his shaggy
brows upon Mr.. Bellamy, who actually
believed that If he got much hotter he
would break out in flames thst'not even
the beaded perspiration that was stand
ing out on his scarlet face could ex-
tinguish. The young lady rose to leave
the pew, Mr.. Bellamy rose to. explain,
and, as he did so, she was quite convinced
of. what she had before been suspicious.
that he was crazy. She backed out OF
the pew and sought Deacon Ashbury's
protection. Mr.. Bellamy attempted to
whisper an explanation to the deacon,
but that arstere official motioned him
backsinto his seat, and, as the minister
paused until the interruption should
cease, said in severe undertone that
was heard all over the church:
"You've been dreaming again, Bro
ther Bellamy."
Mr.. Bellamy sunk into his seat, quite
covered with confusion as with couple
of garments and bed quilt, and his un-
happiness was greatly aggravated, when
he looked up into the choir, and saw
Driscoll convulsed with merriment,
stufing his handkerchief into his mouth
and shaking with suppressed laughter.
After service Mr.. Bellamy, who was,
all through the service, the center of at
traction for the entire congregation,
waited for his pastor and made one more
effort to explain his unfortunate esca-
pade. But the minister, whose seI mon
had been quite spoiled by the affair,
waived him to silence and said, quite
coldly
"Ne-er mind, Brother Bellamy; don't
apologize you meant very well, 1 dare
say, but if you make so much disturb
ance when you are awake, 1 believe
would prefer to have you sleep qnietly
through every sermon I preach"