South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-04-14
WIT AND TIUMOR.

WIT AND EIUMOEe.
1A young lady once married man
by the name OF Dust" against the wish
Of her parents. After q short time they
lived unhappily together. and she re.
turned to her fathers house; but he re.
fused to receive her. saying: dust thou
art, and unto Dust thou shalt return
And she busted"
tVr"Minnie has been to see me 10.
day." said little five-year old. land she
behaved like a little lady" IL hope
you did, too" said her mother. Eyes.
indeed, / did; turned somersaults for
her on the bed"
Brown came home late the other
night, and Mrs. b., reaching out of the
bedroom widow, said: $50 you've been
tipping the glass again, have your
Glass" said Brown; "(hic) It's funny
word; take off the g and it's you, my
dear" "Yes." answered the wife, aud
then take off the Il and it's you,
yon wretch" and she slammed down the
window with bounce.
tV'"Julius," said one darkey to ano.
ther, this morning, "wha's dis we're tell.
in oh bout thirteen fea.holders ter he
voted for ut de 'lection?" VIVA. Don't
yer know de 'splanation Of dat fcrnome.
non in de local political field of battle.
Dey callsum fieaholders, coz any decent
mans done got ter scratch rs ter be lee
ted. Don't yer see dc pint?" And the
questioning darkey turned away with
the admiring remark: Julius, yer's
great man. '-St. Louis Republican,.
DIDN'T Cone ORA few DAYS 400
q Detroit widower, who was engaged to
a Detroit widow, each having two or
three children, and both being well OF,
determined to test her love for him and
a. the same time discover if she was ac
tuated by mercenary motives, as some
of his friends had asserted. He called
upon her at the usual evening hour, and
after while remarked:
my dear, you know have two chill.
dren, and to-day had my life insurance
policy for $4,000 changed to their sole
benefit in case of my DEATH
You did quite right, my darling
she promptly replied Il have three
children, as you are aware. AS soon
as we were engaged had every dollar S
worth OF my property 80 secured that
they alone can have the benefit of it."
He looked.
She looked
The marriage didn't come off at the
time set last week, and it may never
occur.
PoLIcY.--A portly Detroit citizen fell
iii the mud,a another citizen who had
grudge against him called to n news
boy twelve or thirteen years old & said ::
IF you'll 60 up TO that fat man and
ask him what he picked up I'll give YOU
quarter.
"Not for a dollar--not for ten ~ ex.
claimed the lad
"Why!"
81 could get away from him, know.
but guess he'd be mad, and | won't do
it. I'm just growing up now, and
don't know but I'll want TO be that very
mans son-in-law some day.
10 An English doctor, travelling in
the East, was excessively anxious to in
crease his reputation ut home bv learn.
ing certain native methods OF treating
disease, of which he had heard wonders.
On one occasion, when on the confines
OF the Great Desert, he asked an old
sheikh. "What do you do with sick PEG.
pie, when they can't slecp?" Hereceiv-
ed the very practical reply, I'VE set
them to watch the camels."
E1Y In workhouse in HAMBURG. they
say, idlers are punished by being sns.
pended in basket above tho tables. so
that they can see and smell the things
provided for the industrious, but are not
allowed TO taste them. If this were uni.
versal, there would be a wonderful saw.
ing i'll provisions, but it would be grand
for the basket makers An idle man"
says Godfrey Chaucer, "is like house
that hath no walls, the devils enter in
on every side" Instead, then, Of wait.
ing for something to turn up, let us 90
and turn up something.
~ The following "cstray" notice was
sent to one Of the Denver SheriTs OIL.
GERS: 'Rund away red and vite caf
Ills tn behint leg vas placl. ne was a
she caf Enipotti yot brings him pack
pals tollar.
JACOB /UDEHRNc
Clear Creek, tree miles bchint &c
bridge"
DoCrORs V. LAWYERS. John b
was on trial for fclonious assault with
intent to kill. II was in evidence that
the prisoner had struck the injured man
ON the head with an iron bar. and so
fractured the skull that n portion Of the
brain actually escaped yet the. man
recovered. The only hope Of saving tho
prisoner from conviction was to weaken
the evidence Of DR.. s. who attended
On. -.......laL .--..- -. 1870