Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-01-12

Lp-HEADEpNEss nor A CRIAE.-He
was ten years old. He had = red nose,
tears In his eyes, ragged clothes, ana
he was awful sorry.
1T makes y shiyer run up and down
my back when l think Of this boy stand
ing on a street corner and calling Pc
destrians names, said His Honor grave
ly. At
SIT was in fun" walled the lad.
"Th:nk Of his calling men 'old baId-
headed and the like of that
"Jim put me up to it, ti afss5,
"I don't want TO saw him in two, and
it's too late now to use him for hsh-bait,
but this boy needs reforming. ~ 4
"I'll reform-l'u reform." called the
lad.
ssI don't want to send him TO prison,
and yet fear be will turn out bad
boy" 1854 A----. :,
s'Try me-try me-I1l never call
names no more" sobbed the boy. ~
His Honor left the chair, walked down
to the boy, and putting hand on his
head he solemnly said:
sBub, a bald-headed man isn't 70
blame for it. He'd have hair there If
he could. am bald, and Bijah Is bald,
but we always pay one hundred cents
on dollar and never dead-beat street
car. You may go home, but IL you
come again I shall know that you want
to turn out a Dick Turpin, and | shall
deal with you accordingly.
HUSBAND! HUsBAND..-IfyOu haven't
anything on your mind, and your ears
are open 70 catch sounds of morning life,
you will see his wife follow him down
to the gate and hear her call after him.
''Don't forget to bring up half
bushel Of peaches! And can't you get
the plums, too? And there's the sugar
get ten pounds. Oh yes! l want a
gallon of vinegar, and some brandy.
You may bring up two melons, and the
cloves, cinnamon and nutmeg. Hold
on Henry! Don't forget the half bushel
Of pears. must have 'em to-day. And
while you are at the market, why not
bring up the Siberian crab-apples:"
He gets half block away and she
raises her voice and calls:
"Oh, Henry! don't forget to bring up
three dozen quart cans as you Gomez
WATERING A MULE.-"A stubborn
mule is the wust thing q feller can fool
WITH" says Josh Billings, and so thinks
Jack Green, who came from the country,
yesterday, with a wagon. and drove to
the river above the ferry landing. The
mules didn't evince much disposition to
90 in, when Jack mounted one of them
and struck stunning blow with large
stick, and in he went,-not the mule,
but Jack-Over the head of the animal
he mounted, striking the bottom of the
river close to the bank so hard with his
unprotected head as to almost break his
neck. He scuffied and flOundered about,
and finally got out and drove of,
muttering: 81 always did 'spise dat
mule, and when he wants water agin
he must go arter it hisse'f.
A WoMAS's Wrr.-When trade grew
slack and bills fell due. the merchant s
face grew long and blue. At last his
wife unto him said, "Rise up at once,
get out of bed, and get your paper, ink
and pen, and say these words unto all
men: MY goods I wish to sell TO you,
and to yOnr wife and daughters too; 4;
my prices are so very low, that all will
buy before they co." He did as his
good wife advised, and in the paper
advertised. Crowds came and bought
of all he had, his bills were paid, his
dreams were glad; and he will tell you
to this day how well did printers ink
repay. He told us with a knowing
wink, how he was saved by printers
ink. ,.r4 fa s1t
THE SMALL boy was saving wood in
the back yard, when brilliant thought
struck him. Going to the house he
remarked suggestively MA, Bill Jones
is goin' to get turkey Tomorrow, over
to the Corners. l guess he could get
t,oo pretty cheap" The response came
very promptly "You, John Henry, git
yourself back to that wOOdpile, and
don't be saying nothin' to me about
turkeys. I'd like to know who it twas
laid abed for two weeks after last
Thanksgivin'. making me world of
trouble and fuss. There won't be no
such foOlin' around this year. You
hear me-" Sadness lowered over that
youthful brOw.-Rochester Democrat.
"SIR," said Mr.. Magruder, address
ing a Mr.. Macguffin At the boarding
house dinner table last night, ''dO you
incline. to favor the theory of cOntrac-
ton or expansion ?" '.If," said Mr..
Macguffin, pausing in desperate strug-
gle to cut the small piece Of tough meat
that had been set before him in response
to his order of roast beef, '.If you refer
to money, sir, unhesitatingiy give in
my adherence to contraction; but If You
refer to the bill of fare In this boarding
house, then, sir, i am heart and soul
for expansion"
One OF Mark Twain's funny stories Is
that of Scriptural panorama, the prop
rietor of which engaged pianist to
play appropriate music. The musician,
when the picture of ''Prodigal Son.
was passing, struck up "When Johnny
Comes Marching Home" which excited
the indignation of the moral lecturer.
Recently, in a neighboring town, the
drama of '.JOseph and His Brethren
was played, and the tune to which Ja-
cob and family jOurneyed into Egypt
was Marching Through Georgia."
sGENTLEMAN, L can't lie about the
hOrse-he is blind in one eye," said the
auctioneer. The horse was soon knocked
down to citizen who had been greatly
struck by the auctioneer's honesty, and
efter paying for the horse he said: ~ ou
were honest enough to tell me that this
animal was blind I'm one eye Is there
any other defectf' ''Yes, sir, there is.
He is also Is blind in the other eye!'
was the prompt teply.-Detroa Fret
Press.