The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-06-16
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

The little boy who ate half an apple
dumping and then pleaded for custard pie,
because the dumping side of his stomach
was full, but the pie side wasn't; got his
pie.-Boston Globe.
A rural editor just returned from the
Centennial enthuses and says, "sThe Amer
ican eagle is a gifted Bird We should
rather use the word talon-ted in this con-
nection.-New York Commercial Adver-
tiser.
Motto of a Portland temperance reform
club "We bend the knee, but not the
elbow" This supposed to refer to dex-
terous habit of drinking out of a bung.--
Cincinnati Commercial
About this time the woods resound with
the voice of the Fourth of July orator prac-
ticing on his sinister President, ladies and
gentlemen, for-r-rty millions of people,
etc., etc.-Bosto7 Post.
Judge Black, of Pennsylvania, declines
to become a candidate for the Presidency.
He says he has never yet done anything to
be ashamed of, and as long as he can get
all the chewing tobacco he wants, he never
will.-Brooklyn Argus.
It's most too warm to wear an overeoat.
but its better to get little sweaty than to
allow scrutinizing public to leer at the
holes in the seat of your pants Turner's
Falls Reporter.
The search after Sidney Lanier, the au-
thor of the Centennial cantata, is still con-
tinued by his enraged countrymen. He is
supposed to be hiding away under some
Georgia woodpile. Brooklyn Argus.
Upon Sunday evening, when the soul
is lifted on the wings of faith, and a holy
calm broods over all nature, what tender
regret comes with the Thought that the
kindling wood must be split and the tubs
got mp from the cellar, so that washing
may begin at o'clock Monday morning.
Rome Sentinel.
The girl who puts square patch on a.
pair of pantaloons may not be so accom-
plished as one who can embroider and
work green worsted dogs ON blue ground,
but she will be more useful at the head of
a large family.-Neao Orleans Republican,.
The Boston Globe proposed that ssBos-
ton Young Mems Christian Association
could be cut down to "Bymca," but has
been met by the counter proposition that
Daily and Weekly Globe should be COM
pressed into Dawg. Cincinnati Consmer-
eial
Appearances are often deceitful, but
when man who is engaged to "a red-head-
ed girl is seen at midnight with both arms
round a street lamp telling it il is too sweet
to live, it is usually safe to presume that
new kind of temperance bitters has been
introduced into the neighborhood. Nor
Wsch Bulletin
The infirmities of age are diminishing
the respect which Brigham Young once
used to compel from the members Of his
household. Now he can stand on the
threshold of his bedroom door two or
three hours every morning, hollering for
some of his wives, and still have to go
back and button his shirt with string
bfOOhsyB HTyNS.
The Boston Globe says that the year
2076 will be the next centennial year. If
that paragrapher was a clerk in store,
we'd 60 four blocks to buy Of some other
house. He'd think nothing Of adding
hundred dollars to a bill of eighty cents.
Free Press.
Three years ago he accompanied her
home. She held q small parcel in her
hand. 'sLet me carry it darling, !, he said
softly, relieving her of the three-ounce
package; ssyour little hands were never
made to work. = They are married now.
They are going home from shopping ax-
cursion. ''Please take this pail Of lard,
John, 7 she says wearily; tits heavier than
lead. oh, guess you're good for II, 4 he
responds, thrusting his hands deeper into
his pockets. and shuf fsles lazily along. Three
years Roeklaaad Courier.