The tribune. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, 1876-02-09
Facts and Fancies.

Facts and Fancies.
King Alfsnso's song" wish mamma
were here"
He who complains of the shortness of
life will get satisfaction in eternity.
"My dear SIR" is the way to com
mence telling a man than his bill is too
high.
Every cloud has a silver ining-ex-
cept Red Cloud. His lining is copper
colored.
It is not enough TO remember the
poor. A little help occasionally will be
acceptable.
cold Man Afraid of his Wives" is the
name by which Brigham Young is known
among the Indians.
The supreme court of Iowa has Just
decided that heirship may be resident in
an illegitimate child.
Reports show that the cotton crop of
the United States for 1876 is between
4,050, 900 and 4, 100, 900 bales.
A lunatic in the Norwich (England)
hospital killed three children before he
could be captured and taken care Of.
The New Haven Journal suggests
that the Centennial coffe pot will prob
ably be exhibited on the grounds. -
New Jersey turned out 1,500,0O
pounds of grapes last fall 200. 900 we're
kept for making W ne, and the rest ex-
ported.
A widow informed q friend at the
funeral that she couldn't tell whether
she would wear mourning or not until
her husbands will was read.
A Reading girl will insist on wearing
| boys clothes, and her father advertises
for a remedy. Dress mp young fell
low in girls clothes and marry her off.
"Puts and calls" may be properly
defined thus You put your money in
the hands of broker Tor the purpose
of speculation and call for the profits in
vain.
It is said that since the abolition of
purchase in the British army many re-
tired officers have entered the ranks in
the expectation of working up to COM
mission,
"What no more ammunition 2"
cried the captain of military company
on field day. f'No; no more" re-
piled his men. Then-ah-cease FIR
ing," replied the officer.
An officer who was shot, grape shot
passing through his body, is alive and
holds the office of sheriff of Middlesex
county, Conn, and is now enjoying
good health and strength.
Bergh, the philanthropist, is trying
to get agents appointed all along the
New York canals 60 as to arrest all
drivers using horses CALLED or injured.
The canal drivers do not like this
Four wives in Virginia City celebrated
New Year by christening their babes,
and a fifth wife, being present, cried
herself into Mysteries, because she had
no baby with which to celebrate.
A woman of Pekin, I'LL, was asked by :
her minister if her husband feared the
Lord. She replied ;" Fear him Bless
you, he is so afeard of him that he never
goes out of Sunday without taking
his gun along" ~
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the pre-
vailing extravaganza of thepeople nova
days by calling attention to the costly
baby carriages in use, while when he
was baby they hauled him around by
the hair of lis head.
Leading poultryren have put in q re-
quest for five acres OF the Centennial,
grounds, and 5000 pens, at the Phila-
delphia exhibition, for the display of
chickens, ducks, turkeys, geese, pigeons
and poultry products. a
/ The cost of governing Great Britain
is about $515, 900, 900; the cost of gov
erning the United States is $645, ,000,-
O0O-these sums including all the ex-
penses of federal, State, county and
municial government.
A chinaman in California, whose life
was insured for q large amount, was
seriously hurt by falling from wagon.
There was some doubt Of his ever get
ting better, and at length one of his
friends wrote to the insurance company:
"Charlie half dead, like half money"
Rev. Mr.. Shipman, of Norwich,
Conn, says that he was once called to
marry man who was to be united to
his fourth wife. AS he approached the
couple he said, as usual: "Please
RISE" The man fdgeted about oa his
chair, and finally remarked "We've
usually sot."
The sight of q woman driving cab
attracted the notice of the police IN
Glasgow, and the regular driver was
found inside the vehicle, dead. The
woman had gone on q spree with COM
panion, and had given the man so much
| liquor that he had passed from insensi-
bility to death.