The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-10-12
! MAx- .ADEIIIEIIl..,s III 3 |. 81 .e,lIlIE,cl0l,p.v

3 Y f 81
He Detcrnaiacs5 to 5HgI. for the rresf.
dehcy, aud Def6Ads GEfs Rast Acts OF
Fiendishnessl-fse isvilii Stand Upon
the Raetb. 4 13ldIthi 11e5aii
We are sorry to say that Max Adeler
has determined to run fortbe Presidency.
His platform is thus announced in tile
New York illustrated 1yyeek7y
have pretty much made up my mind
now to run for the Presidency. What
the country wants. isl.p candidate who
cannot be injured by Investigation of his
past history, so that tile enemies of the
party viii! be unable to rake up against
him things that nobody eGer heard of
before. Ii you know the most about
candidate, to begin with, every attempt
to spring things on him will be check
mated. Now / attn going 10 enter the
field with an open record. am going
to own up in advance to nal the wicked
| ness have done, and if any Congress
ional Committee IL. disposed to prowl
around my biography, in the hope of
finding any dark and deadly decd which
have secrete3, why1let itprowl.i g
In the first place, 7 admit that I did
Tree rheumatic grandfather OF mine i'll
tbs wihtcr of 1SO9.,ss-1l y ssas old and in-
expert in climbing trees, but with a
heartless brutality TINT is characteristic
of me, | ran .,liim. Dhtitlie front door in
his nightshirt, ut the, point offs shot can,
where he remained MI night While
emptied shot into his legs. ~ did this be-
cause he snored. II will do it, again if 1
ever, have another grandfather who
snorcs I ain nj inhumari' now rs I ever
was in 1852 No'rh3:ss:;iatic person slsall
snore in my house. n;9lnll 8 a1iirI 81 e Il
l candidlyy acknowledge that !, ran
away ut the battle Of Gettysburg. My
friends have tried to smooth over this
fact by asserting tiiat2f got behind trcc;
that did so TOR the purpose of initiating
Washingtonf who. went into the woods at
miserable snbterffaiagse.f az cut i straight
line for the Tropic'of Cancer simply be-
causc was scarcd.F Iiwanted my enun-
try. saved, bui i preferred having aome-
body else save, her ! entertain that
preference yet. II the bubble reputation
can be obtained oniyl ut the caiinon
mouth, liIra willing itoogo)thcfc for It.
providing the cannon il empty. If it is
loaded, my immortal and inflexible pur-
pose is to get suddenly over the fence
and 60 home. Ny ihvariablc practice in
war hns been 10 bring out Of my given
fight two-thirds more men than i took in.
This seems to tto2Jpp ne t9 be ,Nllapole9nic in its
grandeur
Tie last time ran for tie Presidency
there wns sone r,lenss.ns tlllk '..l ,..l,...y
implication i'll q transacti3nA with the
widow P0lluck's ducks. The matter was
IadGiitting tho truth rcspectineit, have
always had fayorito Theory that roast
duEks were conductive to hysterical
symptoms, and as every Instinct of fmy
nature prompts me to protect the widow
from the ravagcs Of hystcria, eE.etcd
the COOP in the garden and regretfnliy
but firmly removed those duck. The
| fact that she began a prosecution against
me is not matter OF consequence, It is
the fate of the philanthropist to be mis-
nndersteg!! ih.t duty is my guiding star,
md if it leads me to ducks or destruction
shall follow it. ID. 4eisif
My financial views are of the most de-
4 cided character, but they are not likely,
perhaps, to increase my popularity with
| the advocates of initiation and contrac-
ton, | do insist upon the special eupro-
macy of rag money or hard money. The
great fundamental principle OF my life is
totake any kind l can get. a'it'aa
The rnmor that i buried dead aunt
under one of my grape vines is founded
on fact. The vine needed fertilizing, my
nunt had to be buried, and dedicated
her to that high purpose. Does that
unfit ME for the Presidency7 The Con-
stitution Of our country does not say BIZ.
No other citizen was ever considered uii-
worthy OF the office BECAUSE ::c enriched
his grape vines with his relations. Why
should be selected Is the first victim of
an abused pgejudice2 ds VI.
l admit, also, that am not. q friend of
| the poor inan. / regard the poor man,
In his present coadition, as SO much
wasted raw material. Cut up and prop
erly canned he might be useful to fatten
the natives Of the Cannibal Islands, and
to improve our export trade With that
region; shall recommend legislation
upon the subject in my first message.
My campaign cry will he: "Dissicate the
poor workingman! Stuff him into sau-
sages"
These are about the worst parts of my
record. On thern,;I come before the
country. If my country don't want me
viii 60 back again. But l recommend
myself as a safe mana man who starts
from the basis Of total depravity and pro-
poses to be fiendish to the last. 0'
| 4. L E. I.