Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-01-14
WIT AND UUNOR.

The Black Hills-Coal heaps.
Branch establishments-Trees.
A matter of course-a horse race.
Between two evils choose neither.
A smart thing-a mustard plaster
The end OF everything-the letter e.
A signal success-The weather re-
ports.
A bad thing about gold-rot hav-
ing it.
Most men Ike to see themselves in
print. Ladies prefer to see themselves
in silks and velvets.
"Mr. P, father wants to borrow
your newspaper. He says he only
wants to read it. The next evening
he did not come.
Why is chu.ch bell moro afable
than church organ? Because one
will 80 when it is tolled, but the other
will be "blowed' first.
"Woruk y exclaimed North Car
Gilman, vixen offered job; do you
spose I'd wor-uli, mister, when coon
tracks are as thick as grass blades ~
A woman purchasing some cups
and saucers was asked what colors
she would have-"Why, l amt par.
ticular,' said she, "any color that
won't show dirt
TIE fellow who was told that the
best cure for palpitation Of the heart
was to stop hugging and kissing the
girls, said: :" If that is tle only rem
edy which can be proposed, l say
letter pa!pitalc."
A STRANGER kissed La Crosse girl
by mistake, and was then licked by
her two brothers for being mistaken.
He then deliberately kissed her for
being who she was, and was licked
for being impudent.
Jeremiah S. Goliath, uncle of the
late Hon. Henry Wilson, deniesin toto
the story which has been going the
round that the Vice President was
descended from gypsies and born in q
gypsy camp.
A man with a large family was
complaining of the difficulty Of sup
porting all of them, But" said a
friend, "yon have sons big enough to
earn something for YOU "The diff
Guilty is, said the man" "they are
too big to work. -
She sent her husband down town
after some red dye-stutf, and he got
cochineal, which wasn't what she
wanted. She told him SO, and he got
mad, and when she insisted on his
going again he got mae1der-which
was what she wanted in the first
place.
A Centennial lunatic hearing that
Andrew Johnson tailor sign is in ex-
istence, conceived the idea of collect
Ing the early professional signs Of all
the Presidents and exhibiting them
at the Centennial. But an extensive
correspondence reveals the fact that
many Of them died and left no signs.
SHE was brushing her hair, and lie
enjoyed being fused over amazingly.
Rolling up his eyes, he said MY
dear, why was Columbus, when he
landed In America, like nae now o.
She couldn't tell him, and he ex-
planned Because he was tickled at
being fust over
a Yankee poet thus broke forth
O the snore, the beautiful snore, fill
ing the chamber from ceiling to floor
Over the covcrlit, under the sheet,
from her wee dimpled chin to her
pretty feet Now rising alott like
bee in June now flute e-like subsiding,
then rising again, is the beautiful
snore of Elizabeth Jane.
A DETROIT widow moved into her
new house the other day, and her first
'ix callers were lightning rod agents.
She turned them Oft one by one, but
when the seventh came he said:
Il don't claim that rod will pro-
ect the house, but | do say that if 1
vas looking for a second wife Id
lever marry aWidow who didn't have
! lightning rod on her Louse. And
hats the way all rich men think"
1ou may put up two Of EN- she
L.,