The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-03-16
Mark TWain's Duel.

The only merit I claim for the follow.
ing narrative is that it is true story. 1t
has moral on the end of it, but claim
nothing on that, as it is merely thrown
in to curry favor with the religious ele-
ment.
After I had reported couple of years
on the Virginia City Nevada Daily En-
terprise they promoted me to be editor-in-
chief; and lasted just week by the
watch. But I made an uncommonly
lively newspaper while 1 did last, and
when retired had duel on my hands
and three horse-whippings promised me.
The latter I made no attempt to col
lect; however, this history concerns only
the former. 1t was the old "iush tines
of the silver excitement, when the popu-
lation was wonderfully wild and mixed ;
everybody went armed to the teeth, and
all sights and insults had to be atoned
for with the best article of blood your
system could furnish. In the course OF
my editing I made trouble with Mr..
Lord, the editor of rival paper. He
few up about some little trifle or other
that / said about him-I do not re-
member now what it was. suppose I
called him thief, or body-snatcher, or
an idiot, or something like that; was
obliged to make the paper readable, and
! couldn't fail in my duty to a whole
community of subscribers merely to save
the exaggerated sensitiveness Of an indi-
vidusl Mr.. Lord was offended, and re.
piled vigorously in his paper. Vigorous
1y means great deal when it refers to q
personal editorial in a frontier newspa-
per. Dueling was all the fashion among
the upper classes in that country, and a
very few gentlemen would throw away
an opportunity of fighting one. To kill
one man in a duel caused man to be
even more looked up to than to kill two
men in the ordinary way. Well, out
there if you abuse man and that man
did not like it, you had to call him out
and kill him, otherwise you would be
disgraced. So 1 challenged MIR. Lord,
and did hope he would not accept; but
knew perfectly well that he did not
want to fight, and SO challenged him in
the most violent and implacable manner.
And then 1 sat down and snuffed and
snuffed till the answer came. All the
boys-tlie editors-were in the Office
"helping" me in the dismal business, and
telling about ducls and discussing the
code with lot of aged ruffians, who had
experience in such matters, and altogeth-
er there was loving interest taken in
such matters that made me unspeakably
uncomfortable. The answer came-Mr.
Lord declined. Our boys were furious,
and so was I on the surface.
I sent him another challenge, and
another, and The m r, he did not want to
fight the more blood-thirstier ] became.
But at last the mans tone began to
change. He appeared to be waking up.
1t was becoming apparent that he was
going to fight me after ALL I ought to
have known how it would be-he was a
man who could never be depended upon.
Our boys were jubilant. I was not,
though l tried hard to be.
1t was now time to 20 out and practice.
1t was the custom there to fight duels
with navy six-shooters at fifteen PAGES
load and empty till the game for the
funeral was secure. We went to little
ravine just out of town and borrowed a
barn door for target-borrowed it from
gentleman who was absent-and we
stood this barn door up, and stood rail
on one end against the middle of it to
represent Lord, and put squash on top
of the rail to represent his head. He
was a very tall, lean creature, the poorest
sort of material for a duel; nothing but
line shot could fetch him, and even
then he might split your bullet. E1ag-
geration aside, the rail was, of course, a
little too thin to represent the body accu-
rately, but the squash was all right. If
there was any intellectual difference be-
tween the squash and his head, it was in
favor of the squash.
Well, practiced and practiced at the
barn door and could not hit it and /
practiced at the rail and could not hit
that; and I tried for the squash and could
not hit that. I would have been entirely
disheartened but that occasionally I Grip
pied one of the boys, and that gave me
hope.
At last we began to hear pistol shots
near by, in the next ravine. We knew
what that meant The other party was
out practicing too. Then / was in the
least degree distressed, for of course they
would hear our shots and then send over
the ridge, and the spies would find my
barn door without wound or mark, and
that would simply be an end to me; for
of course the other man would immedi-
ately become as blood-thirsty as I was
Just at this moment little bird not
larger than a sparrow flew by and lit on
bush, about thirty PAGES away, and my
little second, Steve Gills, who was dead
shot with a pistol-much better than I
wes-snatched out his revolver and shot
the birds head off! We all ran to pick
up the game, and sure enough, just at
this moment some of the other duelists
came accommodating over the little ridge.
They ran to our group to see what the
matter was, and when they saw the bird,
Lords second said:
'That was splendid shot. How far
off was it?"
Steve said, with some Indifference:
ooh, no great distance. About thirty
PAGES"
"Thirty PAGES! Heavens alivcl Who
did it9"
"My man-Twain."
"The mischief he did! Can he do it
often? ?"
"Well, yes. He can do it about four
times out of FIVE"
knew the little rascal was lying, but
never said anything. I never told him
so. He was not of a disposition to invite
confidence of that kind, so ] let the mat
ter rest. But it was a comfort to see
those people look sick, and see their jaws
drop when Steve made that statement
They went off and got Lord and took him
home; when we got home, half an hour
later, there was note, saying that Mr..
Lord peremptorily declined to fight.
We found out afterward that Lord hit
his mark thirteen times in eighteen shots
If he had put those thirteen bullets
into me it would have narrowed my
sphere of usefulness good deal. True,