The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1876-06-17
Gleanings and Gossip.

babies.
England imports the ivory of 10000
elephants every year.
In Connecticut one man to every four
has his life insured
Twelve hundred widowed ex.sultaness.
es Of Turkey mourn.
The Knights Tcmplar paraded in their
knight shirts, the Philadelphia Bulletin
says.
This bank is a bad place for colds,
said punning cashier, SO many drafts
passing through It all the time
Is your voice sophomore ? inquired
country committee man of young lady
who applied for position in the choir.
What is that which no man wapts
which, if any man has, he would not
part with for untold wealth ? A bald
head.
The Chicago TriJuue, after mature
deliberation, has come to the conclusion
that in a good many railroad cases the
receiver is as bad as the thief.
A Philadelphia saloon keeper has en-.
gagged million rye straws for centennial
times. Such straws show which way the
wind blows.
Splkins says there are two ways in
which fair, fat and forty makes itself
conspicuous, viz ils waste Of sighs, and
its size Of waist
| say, Cuffee, can you tell me when a
gate Is not a gate ? Yah; when it's
hung. No, sab Gibs it up. When its
ajar, yah yah yah
What is the difference between fash.
ionable young lady and locomotive ?
One carries headlight the other a light
head See it
A Berks county farmer has moved
with the same scythe for thirtv.fve
years, It's said and he expects to use II
until be is no mower.
Topic Geological discussion. Prin.
cipal-Was it colder or warmer hun.
dred years ago than at present? Pupil
(honcstly)-I really don't recollect, sir.
An Illinois minister announced on his
Sunday night bulletin: The funeral of
Judas lscariot. To which an obliging
fellow added, Friends of the deceased are
cordially invited.
A New York printer, setting up a re.
cent report Of a horse race, said, The fool
sellers were busy, instead Of the pool sell.
ers, but it did not alter the sense of the
paragraph much.
Josh Billings has written a play. The
principal part will be taken by the hind
legs of a mule, and the dramatic move.
ment will be FASTENED by the business
end of hornet, skilfully introduced.
\ Jerseyman married five wives, aud
they were all red headed. He explains
it by relating that the first one clawed
the spirit out of him so completely that
he didut care after that if he married
porcupine.
a young lads in Eardstown told her
lover that she liked Shakespeare very
much, and that she read it when it first
came out. Then She proceeded to scan q
magazine 10 see shat the spring styles
were
Some coulouu3,d iai,t has put that
pen where | cant Gud it growled old
Asperity, the other day, as he rooted
about the desk Al. um, yes | thought
SO, he continued, in lower key, as he
hauled the article hom behind his ear.
A K.am,A, man lately took live
bee into his mouth along with some hon.
ey. lie then r,fccied-chew bee, or not
chew bee, hats the question here his
tongue happened to touch the hot end of
the aggressive inscct, and he decided neg.
atively,
Two tlamps stopped at the house OF
lone widow in Westchester county, and
one went in to beg. Very soon he came
out with & bloody nose and black eve.
Did you get anything, Jack ? Yes,
growled the sufferer, I've got the widows
might
A student who failed to pass in his
Greek history examination, repudiated
with scorn the insnuation that he was
not prepared. lie had crammed himself,
he said, so tight that he could moi get it
out again.
A smart answer-A minister in one of
his paroehial visits met eowherd. and
asked him what O'Clock it was. About
twelve sir, was tho reply. Well, quoth
the minister, thought it had been more.
It's never any more here, said the boy /;
it just begins at enc again
A experienced woman, who was about
to move, had much difficulty in Ending a
place to suit her She was well pleased
with house up town, but the back yard
didn't give satisfaction. The fence didn't
contain single knot hole, and she said
she wasn't going to break her neck by
climbing on top Of an old baEel to see
what was going on in the next yard.
When widow presses your hand aud
tells you how she has made four dozen
clothes pins last her twelve years, and
she droops her eyes and says a paper of
pins lasts three years, aud sha looks up
and smiles a rosy smile, how on earth is
a fellow to break away and leave that
house aud convince himself that she loves
him only for hi, wealth
lie isn't six years DID, aud he said /:
Please, sister Sarah, can't have another
piece of that nice eustard pie you made
Why, deary, you are tco full for utter.
ance pow Look at that luscious dump.
ling on your plate nst half eaten, Oh,
we'll, sister | know the dumping side Of
my stomach is full, but the custard pie
side feels rather empty yet That other
piece Of pie is missing.