Los Angeles daily herald., 1876-06-11
Written for the HERALD
A Life's History.

to tell you my history; it was, you
remember, Immediately after the
event that led you to my assistance;
good Samaritan that you are; it was
you who defied opinionated people
and placed me, an entire stranger and
in appearance almost beggar, be-
meath your own roof; your hand too,
that ministered to my fitful fancy
Throughout long, weary sickness, and
all because I, a poorly clad woman
seeking work came to your door and
begged glass of water and crust OF
bread. A sweet-eyed, low-voiced wo-
man held her place beside only me, a
stray unknown, for charity's sweet
sake. The morning [ awoke to con-
sciousness the first sound that fell up
on my ear was voice praying for my
life, and for strength in the task she
had undertaken from gentle sympa-
thy. When l had partially recovered
begged to be taken away knowing 1
had caused you much trouble and ex-
pense; my gratitude 1 tried vainly to
express. You said, the only way for
would be by remaining until you
wished me to go; you asked me if I
had friends to inform of my where
abouts, | answered truly, sadly, had
none. You said and was afterwards
ashamed that [ could not answer,
"Have you not enough confidence in
me to tell me how you came to this ?n
1t was unkind of me not to answer, l
know, but dead weight pressed so on
heart and brain that for your life 1
could not speak; mist swan before
my eyes and | tainted. From that day
until now the subject has never passed
the lips of either. l am sinking rap
idly now, consumption has with the
added stride of years fastened my de-
cay; and in justice to you and to N.Y.
self must tell you my story before
my final leave of this world. Recent
ly as we were talking in the twilight
and listening to the happy voices of
your children you asked me, did / not
wish to be young again !? No, no.
mine would live over again the sad
sad days of my youth; those days that
taught my heart to bear its pain, my
lips to smile Willie my eyes could
scarce restrain their scalding tears,
my mind to fancy none could read the
record of throbbing pain within. Ah,
lady, l learned so young to bury my
youthful hopes in memory's urn, but
their recollections are yet bitter; l
turned so early from my youthful joys
that their beams only reach me in the
lone hours of the night when weary
and sad, sweet visions from dreamland
lull me to rest; have bowed low and
wept over the burial of every golden
trust, each bud of promise the early
spring time gave. Long, long ago my
glad heart leapt to its own music but
its strains have died away in a funeral
tone. Do | wish for return of my
youth? No, lady, thousand times
no. Was it love that cursed me? Ah,
that was the sweetest bliss, angels
ever mingled in woman's cup below
a joy of joys the saints in
heaven feel. But alas my youth,
the dark days of my youth
scared that too. With these remem-
brances the dire and the agonized
murmurings awake in my heart; but
thanks to your kind teachings | am
able to subdue them. When 1 was
born storm was beating and anxious
friends watched the issue of our two
souls struggling with the grim phan-
tom, watched the tired soul eager to
spread its pinions for better world,
and watched the new soul eager to
push out into the ranks of worldly
conflict. My mother died; and o the
dark days that followed after when l
a little waif, was thrown out to strug-
gle for aid or sink in the darksome bill
lows playing about me. Angels came
to me for time holding me above
the waves, Strengthening and rej0ic-
ing me-but no use, no use, fate and l
were at war and who can hope to con-
Quer that mystery that is near him to
the All-mystery?
When had reached the age of sew
enteen l was riotous only in health,
bouyant with life. True there were
none of the soft rosy tints that usual
ly play over the memory of childhood
but there was the expectancy of youth.
Tue, there comes to me now no re-
membrance of u happy maiden time,
pleasantly varid by sunshine and
shadow, but have about me the SUBJ
tie memory of love eternal as truth;
the sweet memory, dear lady, waiting
to mingle with the hopes you have
taught me still floating in the sea of
eternity until God permits me to re-
alize and grasp them all, when my
soul is purified for such bliss.
When the love of that grand heart
was known to me believed heaven
itself stood revealed, forgetful that we
were still in a material world subject
to its law. The cheering thought that
for me as for others, the clouds had
burst asunder tingled my senses with
the resplendent glories of their silver
lining. The rich love of a pure heart
enveloped my kinless life with it's re-
fulgent rays. For six months l sat
in the glorious mellowed light, idly
letting its simmer float about me
needless of the swift dark night COM
ing on. Alas! those few bright
threads of my life. How soon they
were woven. Lovers, poor silly dupes
are always happy and in our happi-
ness a grief moving like rock came
upon our living love. A noble name
preserved untarnished from genera
ton is rightful thing of which to
boast and my lover felt no little pride
| in that which had descended to him.
had always believed my parents to
be truthful, honest people, having
been told my father had gone to sea
soon after coming to the village and
before was born. They were both
strangers to the people and my moth.
er dying left nothing either to prove