Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-11-11
WIT AND HuMoR.

AOAAo
Wooden wedding-Marrying q perfect
sick.
A Swell Of the Ocean-An admiral
Rudy.
Fox's martyrs-Ducks, chickens, turkeys
and geese.
A real estate mans motto" Not words,
but deeds.'
In these days no lady appears perfectly
unruhied.
Why is life like conundrum because
many give it up.
When is a clock on the stairs dangerousP
When it runs down.
The young man who Was filled with emo
ton, had no room for his dinner.
When is soup likely to run out Of
saucepan ?--When there's lcek in it.
The question is, did the horseman that
secured the plain put soap in the sand?
What species of love is that which il
never reciprocated "A neuralgia affection.
Young women should set good examples
for the young men are always following
them.
It is said that there is cat in Charles
town that plays the piano. She is evidently
one of the mews-es.
Why may tipsy man fall into the river
with impunity because he won't drown
as long as his head swims.
"My son." said an old man. "beware of
prejudices; they are like rats, and mems
minds are like traps; prejudices creep an
easily, but it is doubtful if they ever get
out"
"Was not her death quite sudden? ?" said
q condoling friend to bereaved widower.
"WeI, yes, rather-.tor her."
The class of persons who are said to be
the "s,ceetest" On their patrons are supposed
to be the confectioners.
"The sacred heavens around him shine."
wrote the poet. TIL, compositor put it
"The scared hyenas around him whine"
"Why should we celebrate Washingtons
birthday more than mine ?" asked teacher
in Boston. "Beclnse he never told ie"
shouted little boy.
It is rrmored that New York baker has
inveutel new kind of yeast, which makes
bread 80 light, that one of his pound loaves
does not weigh over twelve ounces
An editor Of UNCONVENTIONAL paper at
Chicago says. "a man needs grace to edit o
religious papc. at any time, but especially
| when he has the rheumatism"
"Tm getting to be too much of parent"
exclaimed a Mormon elder. on being in
formed that five children had Just been
born in "the Old house ut home'
The captain Of IL privhi Ger, who had been
IN an engagement, w:"e TO his owners that
he hal received! but Lille damage, having
only one Of his III e..s wounded in the nose.
A Young lazy. y al. out walking heard
for the first TIM. her mothers intention to
marry again, ". 81. was obliged to sit
down and cry about it. She could not 20
step-father.
A stump speaker in America, in dealing
with the "modern physical degeneracy Of
women" exclaimed, 1--WE must take good
care OF our grand-mothers, for zoe shall never
get any more.
A client complained to his counsel that
the latter rambled too much in his argu-
ment Of the jury. "Oh," exclaimed the
barrister, don't you know scattering shots
hit the most birds P"
Have you takeh any remedy9" asked
physician of SIX person whom he had
been called to VISIT ~ NJ" said the patient.
IL haven't taken any remedy. but I've taken
lots of doctors stuff"
How are you pleased with the beauty
Of French ladies!" asked q number Of
highly-rouged Partisan coquettes Of an
English gentleman.-I'm no judge Of
painting" was thereby.
At the funeral of woman in Alabama
the other day. q neighbor in attendance, feel
ing called upon to say something sympa-
thetic to the afflicted husband, kindly re-
marked. you've got splendid day for
the funeral!'
A negro in South Carolina, who was COM
planning Of the hard times. declared they
were the hardest ever known. why"
said he, Il works all day, an steals all
night, an yet I'm blest ef kin make an
honest living"
WHAT ALLIED HER. :" Madam" said q
| quack to nm old lady who insisted on know
ing what allied her, "the nerves Of your
tympanum have fallen ON the eerebellum.
causing a tizarizen, and it is what we call
scrutinary complaint. Goodness me-"
abe exclaimed, you're the first doctor that
ever told me exactly what was the mat
terr
A gentleman wishing to buy some roast
chestnuts in the streets, the lad who was
selling them asked: "D'ye want 'em very
good. sir, or only good?' "You have two
qualities thenp" said the gentleman. "Yes,'
replied the little fellow. coolly-" ono for
eating and the other for warming your
hands Them for warming your hands
amt got such good favour"
ARcHY AT SEA.-An cable seaman from
Ardamurchan was at the tiller Of his iloop
one night, shortly after the introduction Of
colored signal-lights on ships. A steamer
was approaching and Archy saw the green
and red lights for the first time at sea. he
astonished his shipmates by yelling out,
"Hard a-port-hard a-port! We're gsun
RIGHT intae the 'pothecary's shop at 0ou-
rock"
The following advertisement recently
appeared in Western paper:-"A father
wants to find school for his son where
manly and useful education will be given
him, and where the teachers do not Ill the
heads Of their pupils with humbug storis
about nations that died and were buxied
Thousands Of centuries ago, not q citixen a