Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-03-29
Brevitles.
What keeps Lent the longest and
best? Money.

cinnati. The undertaker's wife h.
got q new bonnet.
The Norristown Herald thinl
there was no use of having Shove
of meat in Kentucky SO long as tl
whisky held out.
Rochester Democrat.-"Dr. Mar
Walker was never heard to swear br
once, and that was when she got he
pants on wrong side before"
u A recent marriage notice ends wit
the singular expression, probabl
added by waggish friend: "Ma
their future troubles be little ones.
The st. Louis gas-light compan
cannot stand it any longer, and ha
bowed to the storm of public indie
. nation by making q reduction !
rates.
"He died so suddenly that his wifi
couldn't appreciate it," are the word.
according to the Salisbury Ne,cs, of
: mOurner at funeral in neignbol
, ing town.
'Tis done. The Ohio Legislature
has enacted law defining the exac
weight of q bushel of onions. Whel
the vote was reached there wasn't
. dry eye in the wigwam.
: "Probably one of the most tryin
times in a mans life," says one VIII
} has experienced it, 'is when he intro
duccs his second wife, seventeen year
! old, to his daughter, who is pas
twenty"
i 1t is said that the old Romans ais.
loved Office, but they never had tn,
feeling which the American consta
BILE has-never felt that their should
ers carried over half the burden o
government.
i AYonkers girl, who refused tt
marry a respectable young man be
cause he was a mechanic, is now tn,
wife of janitor in New York, and
cleans out eight offices after foul
O'Clock in the afternoon.
At a social hop in Anderson county
KY, recently, two gentlemen and
two ladies were shot and killed
There is such thing, it will be OBJ.
served, as being too Internally socia.
ble.-1Rochester Democrat.
Old Sam B., a carpenter of Tren.
ton, was engaged to build a fence, and
was consulted as to the best material
for posts. "Locust, madam, locust
the darned stuff will last life time
I've tried um twice."
Detroit Free Press: "The attempt
to feed Robert Tombs mint julep with
a spoon was failure. Gimme that
bowl a minute whispered Uncle
Bob, and the next moment he saw the
knothole in the bottom Of it"
A Nevada sheep lman, who had
tried and succeeded with sheep, said
"Sheep are better than government
bond you can tear of'a coupon every
six months half as big as the bond
and the bond is left as big as it was.
An old Scotch lady gave pointed
reply to minister who knew he had
offended her, and expressed surprise
that she should come so regularly to
hear him preach. She said: "My
quarrel's wi you, mon. It's not wi
the Gospel"
A bright little three-year old in
Hartford, having become little
mixed between her religious instruc.
ton and her nursery rhymes, gravely
relates: 'sThe Lord is my shepherd
and He has lost His sheep, and He
don't know where to find them"
In England they tell how Sankey
walked up to a grenadier, and, taking
him affectionately by the belt, said
"Young man, likewise am a soldier
soldier of Heaven "Old 'un," re.
turned the grenadier, "you're long
way from your barracks, anyhow
A man, who said he was very poor
nearly blind, and unable to work land
whose appearance justified his words
was recently in London, fined si,
cents and two shillings costs for no
sending his son to school. He wa.
unable to pay it, and was sent to jail
for five days.
The New York World, the leading
Democratic organ of the country, ap.
pears to differ with the Democrat,
organs of New York. 1t says o
the Belknap disgrace, "To .attemp
for q moment to turn it to partisan
uses would be to insult the dignit,
of the American people,"
Pointed answer-''What am mad,
Off" asked little girl of a youngc
sister. II don't know" was the hon
est answer. "What does mamma SWEEP
up from the floor?" was the frs
speakers next trial in the Socrati
method. .'Pins, needles and hair
pins" was the prompt but unexpected
response.
i The Brooklyn Argus thinks it sim
possible for two women betweel
whom rivalry for precedence fo
the latest fashions exists, to appea
simultaneously in the same style o
!. Spring bonnet, and still believe in tn
Universalist doctrine. Each feel
that there is some sort of punishment
hereafter"
The Kearney (Neb.) Press argue
in favor of demonstrating the Buffalo
and says: "The animal can be easil
tanned and made to do good servic
in the harness; that while his tail j
not so very handy to twist, in ever
other respect-size, strength, get ul
and style-he is vastly superior to tn
domestic OK"
When Dan. Voorhees, was in Cor
gress he was very fond of callin
, Governor Ames ''that little handy
legged carpet-bagger and satrap, VIII
lives in Massachusetts, and intends
govern Mississippi" Now he ha
been engaged by Governor Ames I
defend him during his approachin
impeachment trial. Strange worlt
r A North Carolina negro though
t he could Outrun locomotive tn
other day on the Air Line road, an
/ when he picked himself up, after b.
D ing thrown twenty feet and landin
/ on his head, he said: Yer don
Y ketch dis yer child doin' dat agi1
l It's right smart wonder l didn
D tear desc britches clean off,"
The survivors of Andersonville al
ticipate that their meeting at Norwicl
Conn.,, April l2, will be largely a
tended and important. They hes
!, from people as far south as Texi
I and as far west as Wyoming who al
> coming. One of their objects is
: correct erroneous impressions in r.
gard to Andersonville prison.
: "Who's Herbert Spencer Pop
n asked an inquiring boy of his fath'
e the other morning. "He's famo,
o English philosopher, my son." "An
e what's philosopher r continued Il
lad, with the business air ola perst
who could keep right on askin
questions until doomsday. "a phi
osopher," returned the father, gray
l. ly, "is man who never marries
4 In the Rondout Methodist Churc
4 OH recent Sunday morning, Il
!. usual donning of overcoats was pr
! lceeding amid considerable confusio
y but had not been completed when Il
q pastor arose to pronounce the ben
4 diction. He paused moment, al
/ said: Brethren, guess will p
~ ON my overcoat hereafter during I
& benediction so as not to lose any timt
~ oh nc ~