The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-03-11
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

don't
When a man cxudcs too much kindness toward
his ne;rhbor's wife they stop his pores up with
TAR. This saves great deal OF labor IN prepar,
ING statements and getting an advisory council
together Topeka Bkdt.
The Aurora daily Nctce observes:
Yes. this is leap year, but you VOLT see young
ladies who have any respect Tor themselves
standing on Trasks corner watching the boys
hold up their pants as they wade over the cross
lngs.
A sensitive American gentleman says thaL 10
Kiss a rosy checked girl and hnd your noun
filled with Venetian red, and she growing pare
ON it, is truly awful.-Er
And vet sensitive, as well as other American
gentlemen, will kiss rosy-checked girls ID den
ance NJ Venetian red or even Prussian Que
u0w,sin confidential mood when he went
home the other night, on the ferry boat, and sAid
70 the gentleman sitting by him: I'm happish
man in New York. ! donowe man shent; III
Dorebomc an IL tholoman's settin' up III hchcr'
am IL she is gone to bed III ilcker any way III
bounthavc shome fun.'-EI
farmer complains that hook and ladoef
comnany has been organized in his neighbor-
hood He states that the ladder is used after
dark for climbing into the hen house, after NOOK
ing is done.
Gen. Sheridan is warmly congratulated by MS
friends I.isa girl. Yet historians will con-
-inue "a insist that Sheridan was twenty miles
away"
a country editor once received the following;
Dc Dear sIr-I have looked carefully and patiently
nxer your papcr for six months for the death OF
sone individual | was acquainted WIN, Out "
vet not q sin Gle soul care anything about mas
lropped Off You will please 20 have my name
erased.-EI.
A country lake mis.ook a streamer u striped
stockings in one Of our stores for barber poie'
Yesterday and went in to get This hair cut Inc
lady ordered him on. of the store in 0 voice three
hundred and fifty feet above concert p!tch.
The town pump is in good condition, but you
can't get any water out OF -Hoootst9'oh 'hf0"-
,re.
That pump is Ike a certain prominent 0MciaI
az the White House. lie rever takes water in
his. hence no water can come out.
Among the January dividends declared IN
Philadelphia we do not observe any nom inc
Kelley Motor Company.-BiBdIo hI1@s
Lavender says his wife is always ready to tell
her rgge.-k1
Ttlool,s now as II Blaine would certainly gel
the nomination, because his is much easier
name to find rhymes for than any OF toe others
There's rain, pain, sane, gain, plain, Maine, lane
and lots Of others.
4 Main street cook has lost here Snec.pan.-
Exchange
man is never 50 poor &c when he half owns
house.
The sailor who recovered he chest trcathe
easier.
The man who il 10 repair broken lamp chin
neys il not supposed to be born yet.
An exchange remarks; THE man who gav'
Gov. Rice Il clip on the head last week, near thu
State House, was barber.
Should you ever be possessed with desire Il
see through person, in order to insure sue
cess select for your subject one who either has 4
light head or pain in his stomach.
Wouldn't il be nice If some one would invent
an apparatus to silt some OF the largest stones
amp pieces Of broken glGes ont OF tue dust thai
is blowing about the country
A recent writer makes the statement that The
drama is diving out. His statement is verified
by the announcement that the theatres OF Paris
only proddccd l;3 plays during the year 1879
We happened to reach the church AS the SIc'
q.
ceiyed from one ofthe bass singers was thrilling
But Apollo didn't hit us that time; anyway, W.
are here 10 tell oflt,-horrss R,1ornaer.
That time Apollo didn't strike the liar, then
Bruce saws Spencer IL a boot.licker for Grant
When Grants wcl.know aversion 10 all kinds o
"Nckers is remembered, this win hardly be be
lieyed.
AZ the marriage Of co Alabama Wido"cr on
q the servants was asked IL his master woui'
take a bridal tour. Dunno, sab when old mis-
sus's alive he took paddle TO her; dunno II h
take a bride 20 de new one or NOT
Sam Cox made wrong tFansla'on OF frenci
IN Congress the other day; and now the news
paper men, everyone o: whom in the United
states speaks French flcuty and correctly, Ar
just stirring him up.
A clergyman al Springfield, who las had
bad habit Of adding al 70 many Of his words
told last sunday Of hose WHO bad been brough
up on the Lords sidesr.
Zack Taylor and Kit Carson al. now mention
ed as proper candidates Cor monumental honors
We are d good ways behind IN The monunen
business.
The average MiwGuhe. reporter having foun'
=
IN Lake Michigan sea serpent with tns strpe'
Ike the American flag. Two drinks more woul'
have put spectacles 90 ia! skull and nude III
reporter see stars az - well as sirpes.-HeI
York Herald.
Invitation 10 a wedding" luar presents az
requested on the occasion % our daughter
marriage" The uan invited wa kept away b
tad spell,
4 Boston Journal, 10 announcing that an n'
tress would play M IN the drama oi =" Ne
Gwynne,' put an II 10 the wrOn- place.
The Cincinnati people are very much asham,
~ themselves now that Mardi-Grgs Is pal, ~
the editor u the Enquirer apprehensivciy .
gures "Will the .ooLki!lcr put in his appea
ance today How much better he would ha'
feItii be had kept sober-Cht Tin@.
!, vas On old sioFy O. chasing pretty strip,
Kitten in ;he woods and catching Il and tudil
y s