Smyrna times., 1876-09-20
Patriotism in Gossipville.

Delole several ladies met at the house of
one OF the number to perfect the arrange
ments. 1t was determined to give grand
atfalr-something especially designed to
transcend the tea party by rival organ-
zatlon last year. TO this purpose it be-
came necessary to devote tie most careful
thought to all the details, and this was
done. In fact it would be difficult to find
more conscientious committee in ham
| let the size of GossipviIle. When all the
particulars were arranged, and the various
stands and minor offices assigned to the
ordinary members of the society-Who
were not prCscnt-the important question
as to who should take the leading character
was brought up. With Wow to do with.
out the delay and feeling of baloting the
PRESIDENT kindly offered to do Lady Wash
ngton hersolf She said she felt it was
not favorable selection, but she was
willing to take it, so that there need be no
discussion or ill-feeling. If she thought
She had not placed a sufficiently modest
estimate upon her qualifications for the
post, she was presently set at rest on that
head. Her offer was received with silence.
What do you think ?" she asked.
I'm willing to do it."
Lady Washington never weighed 25O
pounds ominously limited a thin lady,
with very light eyes.
She had fat enough on her to grease a
griddle, which is moren some folks can
claim, retorted the President with any
thing but a dreamy expression on her
face.
The tall lady's eyes grew shade dark el
and her lips shaped themselves as if they
were saying hussy,' but it is proable they
were not.
Z" As our two friends arc so little likely
to agree" observed lady whose face
showed that she was about to metamor
phosc herself into a barrel of prime oil
and precipitatc herself into the troubled
waters. 9 would suggest that take the
character"
Humph! calculated the President.
Is there any objection to my bein,
Lady Washington p said the new party
; facing abruptly the President, emptyini
out the oil and filling up the barrel i'm
mcdiatcly with superior grade Of vine
gar.
I" don't know of any, if some one vii
demonstrate that Lady Washington had
wart on her nose replied the Presiden
with unblcmishcd serenity
Am | to be insultcd ?" hotly demandc,
: the proprietor Of the wart
The truth ought not to be insulting
> replied the President.
; . ! 'spose our President thinks she woul
be a perfect Lady Washington" ironicall
suggested a wcak-faced woman, who SAY
her chances for taking the character dc
:, jcctedly emerge from the small end of tn
" horn.
" " ] don't know as | would be perfect i
= that role replied the President, "but q
there will be stangers present at the party
| shouldn't want them to think that tn
. nearest approach Gossipville could max
to the dignity Of 'TG was a toothlcss woma
down with the jaundice." And the hea
y officer smiled scroncly at the ceiling.
"What do you mean, you insinuatin
thingP' hoarsely demanded the victim
- the jaundice.
- Keep your mouth shut until you al
spoken to. them" said tho President.
. Pm not to be dictated to by a moul
" tain of tallow," hissed the chromatic del
gate, founcing out of the room.
al think VIC had better get another Pre-
, ident before we go farther" said q shar
= faced woman very much depressed by IL
- outlook for herself.
" at isn't hardly time for you yet" 0
= iie served the President, with significai
- look at the sharp-faced woman; "wo W
% have to arrange for Lady Washington az
- George Washington before we need Il
- Latchet."
-, The sharp-faccd lady snatched up h
muff without the faintest hesitation, al
rushed out doors to get her breath 81
10 was Immediately followed by the prophet
'9 of the wart, and tho thin lady disastrous
+, az connected with the griddlo and tho toot
less case of jaundice. This left the Pre-
:" dent and little woman who had as J
said nothing.
~ Has it occurred to you that you wou
N like to be Lady Washington ~ asked t
I'd. President, concentrating both of her el
'ho on wen just under the small woman's
~. car.
,ms "Oh, no." gasped the small woman,
wo pulsively covering the excrescence with
nm. hand.
,ad "Then / guess we'll adjurn sine di
- said the President, and pulling on
- gloves, she composedly took her der
mn. ture.
'rd ~ And the tea party became the fragm
!. of gloomy memory. es.
ieh A society is being organised in Lont
, in for the purpose of stocking uninhabi
ars, islands with pigs and rabbits, so that 81
l.. 4rxN anl.u q