The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-09-14
Wit and HumOr.

VIII anu EUUlOTs
A FEATHERED fraud-The gull.
BUSINESS circles-The wheels of trade.
COUNTER CLAIMS wife's shop
ping bills,
WITH what faculty ought q common
street thief to be eminently endo we'd?
Purse-pick-acity .-Punch.
CT YIELDED to his earnest persua-
sions," as the young widow said, after
trying two years to catch an old bach
elor.
IF you have built castles in the air.
your work need not be lost that is
where they should be. Now put foun-
dations under them Thoreau.
"WHAr would you like ?" said Jones,
the other night, to Miss Smith, as he
led her into the refreshment room.
"Pop," was the blushing answer.
Jones didn't Sc, it.
AN old gentleman, whose nose was not
only very large, but very highly colored,
was asked by George ~. how much it
had taken to paint it. ''Sire," was his
reply, 81 cannot tell you, for it is not
finished yet"
The new necktie for ladies is made in
the shape of bell, and is called the
Centennial belle. It IS very costly, and
is very true to nature, except that the
tongue is too small and isn't hung OH
the middle.
Or a picture of Moses in the bull
rushes, where Miss Pharaoh seems to
be g leaving him to be drowned" the
Philadelphia Bulletin wants to know
"whether it is a water-culler or Nile
painting"
HERE is Manchester, N. H., obituary,
of the "I'll never tell " style
Benjamin Marston died in 1854,
Being 81 years old.
Art thou curious, Reader, TO know
What sort of man he was? Wait
Till the day of final Retrlbution
And then thou mayst be satisfied.
SAYS Boston paper "When we
come to think of 1t, there is but very
little difference between a postage stamp
and a boy hanging on behind a cab.
The first you have to lick to make it
stay on, while the latter you have to lick
to make him stay off"
AN old miser, saying he never felt so
mean as he did just after his last fit of
illness, was asked, "Why 500" "Be-
cause" said he, thinking I was going
to die, paid several bills, when if I'd
waited I might have kept the money,
nobody knows how long"
WHEN common school teacher in
Virginia found upon his examination
papers the question: Chow does a
ship at sea find its latitude and longi-
tude?" he arose to the occasion and
promptly wrote: 1t finds its longitude
hot and its latitude. kold.''
A 5-YEAR-o1D tot, who had always
closed her prayers with "and God help
Katy to be a good girl" opened her
eyes at that point, the other night, and
said very decidedly 81 amt going to
say the rest, for don't want to be a
dood girl, want to eat green apples and
swallow 'em.'
sfIF you don't hit the cat on the
back, yard fence with the first peach
stone you throw at it the trouble is you
have to keep on eating peaches until
you do. - Boston Globe. Peach stonesi
Why don't you snap apple seeds at the
monster If you wish to knock it's head
of.-Grop7sic.
The boy that corrected his mother,
iblC CEb.lCSl tAS UCbO1C-SAOU1 OACCD "1AC4A
she had company, at night took differ
ent view of things, as he occasionally
caught glimpses of floating slipper
that futtered in the air in eccentric
gyrations. One could see how early in
the stormy years of this brief life, one
may begin to suffer for the truth.
THE baby was doubled up with the
cramps" says the Brooklyn argus,
"and yelling at the rate Of a mile a
minute, as the father and mother stood
over the crib with the Iaudanum
bottle between them. mo, Marian
he said, gently but firmly, you pour It
out that child's growing so much like
your mother that can't trust myself. >"
They had scarcely got back from the
funeral, and the bereaved husband had
but bitten into sandwich when his old
est boy came up from the cellar with his
face aglow with distress. cob, pa,
he breathlessly exclaimed, "The bung
has come out of the cider barrel, and it's
all over the cellar" Sc Well, I declare,
gasped the stricken nan in despalrlng
voice, ssOnef trouble follows right on
the heels of another. First my wife
went, an now it's the cider. I shan't
try to live.
g!,af Hand