The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-08-26
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
A dissipated old negro in Montgomery (Ala.)
while watching the monkeys in the menagerle 10
that city, spoke thus ' Dem children got too
much sense to come outer dat cage; white folks
cut dar tails off, and set 'em to votin' and maxim
constitewtions''
There is machine in Machinery hall, at the
Centennial, that manufactures type, polishes it
and sets it in a composing-siek. But as it can't
JEFF for the liquids, or swear at the stranger who
comes into the composing room to practice Whist
ling 1t is considered failure as q type-settlng
machine.
Mr.. Smith of the indianapolis Nine, stopped a
hot one Wednesday last with his mouth, since
which time Mr.. Smith articulates through q
small, round hole in the adhesive plaster, left
there a-purpose to admit of the introduction of
liquid food with quill 1t is q noble game,
however. Indianapolis Herald
A western EDITORS account of TRANSMISSION of
bbcd into q rival: Z" An enormous jackass was pro-
cured from the country and taken up into the edi-
tria rooms. The surgeon opened its femoral artery
near the neck, and carefully inserted old piece of
gas pipe This was connected with Mr.. Browns
jtgular vein, and about four buckets of blood was
tiansfused into him.
''.Ain't $40 rather high for lodging and break
East7'' waswhata departing stranger by the Kings-
bury stage inquired Of the clerk ut one of our
leading hotels, on being told that was the amount
of his bill.
'' Yes, it is little high, but we might as well
have it as the stage robbers, was the placid
swer of the clerk as he receipted the bill.-Terds
paper.
They had q good deal of trouble with the Aztec
woman attached to Barnum's circus in Provi-
dence. 1t seems she wanted her salary raised to
81 week, but they told her if they did it she
would also be obliged to appear as the Siberian
malefactor, and she said she would go back to
Il A-1-z
shiIlings day, and they were obliged to COM
promise by bringing her out as the fascinating
Odalisque of the Orient
A stranger, desirous of locating in San Anto-
MO, endeayored to purchase residence from one
of our most leading citizens, but thought the
price too high. " Too high ~ yelled the owner.
q too high, with three saloons at regular inter-
walls on the way to church, peach orchard, with
a fence easy enough 20 get oFer. close at hand,
and they hasn't been a policeman seen in the
neighborhood for the last five years. Why,
stranger, it don't look to me as you was trying
to become one of us.
The Burlington Hatpkeye tells this on nat.
uralist of that city While investigating causes
and effect of the poison of wasp sting, he nobly
determined to make of himself martyr to science
and accordingly handed his thumb to an impa-
tient insect he had Gagged in bottle. The wasp
entered into the martyr business with great
deal of spirit and backed up to the thumb with
an abruptness which took the scientist by sur
prisc He was so deeply absorbed in the study
of remedies that he forget to make any notes of
the other points in connection with stings, but
his wife wrote paragraph In his notebook, for
the benefit of science, to the effect that the pri-
mary effect of a wasp sting is abrupt, blasphe-
nous and terrific profanity, followed by intense
desire fairly amounting to mania for ammon-
ia, camphor and raw brandy.
There were score or more women gathered
so-o3nar or Mr. .Tohas0n'S house Mr. ,TOhns0TT
is q good-hearted man and respectable citizen,
though he is rather skeptical about some things
The women had just organized 't The Foreign Be-
neyolent Society" when Sir. johnson entered the
room. He was at once appealed TO to donate a
few dollars as foundation to work on, and Mrs.
Graham added
SIT would be so pleasant in after years for you
90 remember that you give this society its first
kind word" He opened his wallet, drew out a
$40 bill, and as the ladies smacked their lips
and c.apped their hands he asked
50 Is this society organized to aid the poor of
foreign countries p
{" Yes-yes-yes ~ they chorused.
And it wants money ?''
% Yes! yesi''
.sWell, now said johnson, as he folded the
bill in tempting shape. IS there are twenty mar
ried women here. II there are fifteen of you
who can make oath that you have combed your
children's hair this morning, washed the dishes,
blacked the cook-stoye and made the beds, I'll
donate this So"
81 have" answered two of the crowd, and
the rest said:
Why, now, Mr. johnson 30
If fifteen of you make oath that your hus
bends are not wearing socks with holes in the
heels, this money is yours" continued the
wretch. -s.4-..
Just hear him - they exclaimed, each one
locking at the other.
If ten of YOU have boys without holes in the
knees of their pants this * goes to the society,""
said johnson.
Such man g, they whispered.
I'I IF there are five pairs of stockings in this
room that don't need darning, I'll hand over the
money 80 he went on
90 Mr. Johnson" said Mrs. Graham, with
great dignity, the rules of this society declare
fhat no money shall be contributed except by
members, and as you are not member beg
chat you will withdraw and let US proceed with
tbe routine business. +"