The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-01-22

I)OOtn. n VIII HihHi'lc SiuIc iiShtct iiio
restless eye, and his equally restless
other eye was similarly Illuminated.
His clothing, with the exception OF his
hat, had seen better days-a great many
better days. His hat was faultless, a
tile of latest pattern. Its nristocratlc
curves were lines of beauty, and its
glossy surface was as smooth as IL light
ming rod agents tongue. 1t seemed as
though the deities of good fortune had
decided to endow this individual with
shining raiment, and had begun at the
extremity which was nearest to them.
He paced the floor moment, and then
assumed an attitude" Snatching red
herring from his hip pocket and brand
ishing it aloft, he quoth:
"Is this dagger which see before me-
Or hath this herring cast delirium Ger me!
have thee not and yet see thee still
Fain would clutch thee by thy palli,l gill.
Art thou not, fatal vision sensible
That, in GLIDING me- your course is reprehcnpibi"'
A dagger to tn. mind fSlso creation
A palry herring, or All emanation
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed Drain,
ga,int, GRIM spectral
Drunk, "sweetly murmured the office
boy, and started for the nearest officer.
The effect of this interruption was in
Simultaneous and decided. The wild light
faded from the strangers eyes, and he
moved from his central position on the
floor, taking steps of the ordinary length
instead of tive-foot strides. Removing
ms glossy tile, he placed it conspicuously
on the Office edition Of Webster, md
then sat down-a thoroughly changed,
thoughtful, subducd man. After mo-
mcnt's silence, he said:
"You see that hat? Well. that's what
did it. Rum didn't do it, Blighted af-
fections didn't do it. Political disap-
pointments didn't do it. Religious ex-
citement didn't do it. Why, sir, I've
lived in Jersey-the native lair of Jersey
lightning, and was never brought to
such condition as this; l was once q
candidate for Alderman, was accused of
poisoning my mother-in-law, was con-
victed of stealing cells from n tishwoman
and WAS overwhelmingly defeated-but
l stood it like II man; | was converted
when was mere boy-gone through
all sorts of excitement, and have come
out all right every time. Buried my
mother-in- law, and reason never tottered
on its throne-no, sir. But that hat did
it--that confounded Int.
You see, bet on the elections-bet
a hat. Lost? No. Worse than that
mom And so 1 went and picked ont
the very nobbiest hat in the market.
And pretty soon it was noised about that
j ones-by the way, jim Jones-thnt
Jones had won hat on the elections. l
was congratulated. 1t cost me just six
dollars and seventyfve cents to be con-
gratulated-yes; and the ten cents more
for the fellow who said he never drank
or smoked, but wanted to help me wet
my hat and so he'd take paper of fine
cut. Six dollars and eighty-tive cents.
And thcn l started to 60 home. was
Just six saloons away from home. | got
there at midnight, and my hat had cost
me something over seventeen dollars.
%, what love of hat, exclaimed Mrs.
Jones. Won it on the elections? Didn't
cost you cent! Now you can get me
that dear little bonnet - can't You,
Joncsy?' She occasionally calls me
'Jonesy.' Well, You see | couldn't ex-
plain to her the Mysteries may say
the e.rpensire mysteries-of hat wetting,
and so / bought her that love of a hat
for uothiug! The bill for the bonnet
raised the price of my free hat to up
wards of twenty-six dollars. The news
That Jones won hat on the elections,
you know, is spreading. The retail trade
in liquids suitable for wetting hats is
increasing. A fellow who won't wet an
election hat is penurious, left-handed
curmudgeon, you know; and 1t now costs
me ten dollars to go down street. am
not bloated bondholder, as my clothes
barring my hat--will show; l am not
u bank cashier, am not "A trustee for an
orphan family-in short, | am not a
suitable person to win election hats.
The fellow who lost the hat got off by
having Just nine dollars; and it has cost
me upwards of forty dollars to win that
hat. At the present rate l shall become
a bankrupt Friday noon"
The victim of the election hat remained
silent and thoughtful. The mystery of
his tragic rehearsal Mt the beginning OF
his call remained unsolved. His atten-
ton was called to the matter.
ooh, yes," he exclaimed, "you see
that was put up job. l could get sent
to Jail easy enough, but l thought it
would perhaps he more appropriate to
be sent to the asylum. Tn an honest
man, but I'm going to do my best to get
sent to the crazy house for few weeks,
where shall not be asked to wet that
hat and where l can think over what u
unanimous fool l was not to bet on the
losing side. but here comes the boy
with the policeman.
Now is the Winter of our discomfort
Made glorious summer by the cold that went
And ali the clouds that lowered upon our house
Have fled before the warming mir cum rouse
Now are our brows bound with victorious wreaths,
Our bruised arms"
The stern officer of the law laid his
hand, firmly but gently, over the mouth
of poor Jones, and, under his protecting