Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-04-26

"A Little Fun, Now and Them"
>~~~~~~~~~~~~-~
The following epitaph is from a
tombstone in Indiana:
Under this aOd our Babie Lies,
II neither Cries nUr HolErs,
Il At LIVED just twenty 7Dayss.
The patent office, at Washington,
, during its business hours last year,
granted patents at the rate of one ev-
. cry IL minutes.
An ancient darkey went into Rich
! mond the other day, and wanted to
know if the Yankee arm, had passed
by vet. He was quite surprised that
it had.
Il A Pennsylvania editor in an ap-
F peal to his patron says: "Thc editor
wants grain, pork, tallow, candles,
whiskey, linen, beeswax, wool, and
. anything else he can eat"
Norristown Herald: A st. Louis
. woman says it is no worse to encircle
a lady's waist i'm ball room than to
, hug your friends sister OH the back
stairs. No worse? Why, it is not as
I. good
The Illinois Central Railroad Com
pany, which has been fighting the
Iowa Railroad law ever since its
adoption, has finally given up the
fight and decided to conform the pro-
visions of the law.
4 A fast youth alta Frisco restaurant !:
"What have You got!" "Almost
everything" was the reply, almost
everything ? well, give me plate of
that Certainly" "One plate hash 7"
yelled the waiter.
/ The Columbus Safeguard wickedly
says: "Yes, this is leap year, but you
won't see young ladies who have any
respect for themselves, standing on
the street corners, watching the boys
hold up their pants rs they wade over
the crossings
"Yee, yes," said old Uncle Bidger,
s'the dog is true friend, and sticks to
us to the last. just think how when
them neighbors down in North Caro-
lima tried to take that old lady out
of her burnin' house t'othcr day, her
devoted dog wouldn't let 'em touch
hcrw
Somebody gave Paddy McGrath a
picked egg yesterday. Paddy bit it
in two, opened his mouth, made
face and said: "Be me sowl, I'll go
before ony Jedge or jury in the wur-
reid and take me oath that the hin
that led that egg had the dyspipsy or
heartburn
Grandmamma: "Well, Charley,
what have you been learning to-day Z"
Charley: "Pneumatics, gran ma and
1 can tell you such dodge. II was
to put you under glass receiver,
and exhaust the air, all your wrinkles
would come out as smooth as grand
papa's head.
/. A young man who recently left
Shell Rock, this State, for the Black
Hills, writes back to his friends that
it is perfect earthly paradise out
there, and that he is delighted with it
it beyond measure. He also asks
them to please loan him $25 to pay
expenses home.
A New York lawyer employed
new boy the other, and when the
lad asked for instructions, the attorn-
ey replied, "YOur instructions are to
be taken in general. Keep the office
clean, borrow coal when ever you can,
and under no circumstances must yon
ever lend my umbrella to a lawyer"
4 A clergyman preaching in WASH
ington church recently chose for his
subject the Sisters of Lazarus. He
spoke of the many virtues of Mary at
length, upon looking at his watch, he
saw he had given her more than her
share of time. Then he said quickly !;
"But. my dear friends, ii will not do
to 60 back Oh Martha, and proceeded
to give hera show.
/ A hasty spirit brought the bitter
woe upon Montreal widow the 9TH
er day. Her intended husband offer
ed her his hand as they were about to
take their place for their marriage
ceremony, saying, "May lead you p
, A sharp glitter came into the woman's
| assrs 80 She anSwnrad. f.s, fur the
last time." 'Good bye, said the man
as he walked out of the front door.
1 Mr.. Horace Bingham, carpenter,
J recently of Massachusetts,, but for
! some time since of Fairibault, Minne-
, sofa, recently had removed from his
, stomach dark brown water snake
four feet long. He remembers while
/ drinking from a stream sixteen years
ago that something of "foreign ma
J ture' passed down his throat but he
J only found out the nature of it seven
l years ago.
Economy, my dear, economy" said
he. It's all right for you to have plants
and all that, but there is reason in all
things, and there isn't particle OF
sense in paying fifteen cents for a
: flower pot, when there's Il dozen
!. = empty cigar boxes about the house,
and taking the last ''IIavana" from
another box, he handed her the box
to put an Oleander i'm, lighted his ei-
: gar and went out.
1 The following incredible story
' comes from France: "a welf-knoWn
e Paris dentist, residing in tho fashlan-
e able quarter, Bas been arrested, and
: is IN Mazas prison, accused Of having
e for years past, while drawing and
1 cleaning teeth introduced slow poison
i into rich patients mouths at the In.
e stigation of their irs,and thus com
Q mitted many murders. Two hundred
Q witnesses are said to have heeA sub
y poenad,"
. Muscatine formally tested its watel
y works on Wednesday. There are IL,
S05 feet of mains. Four streams wer'
3 played simultaneously. The watel
q was thrown Il distance of 1000 fee
!, and 100 feet high. The works full.
y completed will cost from $4,000 I,
q $4,000. The people are proud of tn
le success of this enterprise. The Jour
y nal says that Messrs Wier Il Crowel
N performed their contract in ever,
', particular.
If A magnet of 30O0O-pound powe
i. in Aconia, Conn, is causing trouble
q A man can't stand within block G
" it and take out his knife to cut his fin
IN ger.nails without having it snatche
,f out of his hands and drawn agains
re the magnet with force which shiy
y. ers it to atoms. People coming HON
=, with purchases in the hardware lin
m have to give it wide berth, and littl
,- boys are warned not to go near
,k with shingle nails in their pockets.
This Is scene on the doorstep Of
Portland doctor, as related in the III
reyfiser of that city: "Is the .docthe
=, in?' "He is not, at. this moment
ne said the wife. "What shall tell hin
al when he returns ?" swell, We SCI
re mum, me little by was sick sph,
nc ago, and the docther came to him an
ny he tould me thin he would die, al
nc he did die, an now the wife is tn
!" ~ sick, an, be CORA, | want him
~ pass the same Judgment on the oil
II. woman"
,sl Coroner Praedicow, of st. Loui
ia took some money and a fine damon
ee stud from corpse that had bee
at found in the water and put them
or his pocket. Soon afterwards
,it missed the diamond and could n,
,s- find it. Scared by the likelihood ,