The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-05-19
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

Sunday boots squeak worse than every
day ones. So do Sunday Christians.
A true American is too proud to beg,
and too honest to steal he gets trusted.
The Democrats will elect President ir
1916.-Pstts6urg Commercial. IF the Dem
ocrats can not elect TIL den, we give it up
There's cry in Boston of "'Rah fol-
Bristow and Honesty" Bristow we know,
says the st. Louis Republican, but who's
Honesty?
A granger writes to rural paper to ask
show long cows should be milkeds" Why,
the same as short COWS, of course, adds
another rural editor. .s--
A Cleveland man has whitfield forty feet
of wooden chain links out of white pine fer
the Centennial. He is at present getting
out jokes for the Boston Post.
| A Southern paper thus apologies to its
readers: "The absence of editorial in to-
days paper is entirely owing to the absence
Of the editor and the stiffness of his scis-
sors.''
A Christian rebel named Uselaze, single
handed, fogged seven hundred Turks near
Grahovo recently. This gentleman does
not appear to be so useless as his name
would indicate.
| New Mexico is to be admitted into the
Union under the name of " Montezuma."
A more appropriate name, considering the
prevailing weakness of tho inhabitants,
would be observation-disclosures ."-OAs-
cGgo Times.
Magniicently carved chairs from Eng
land will attract great deal of attention
at the Centennial. Anything connected
with sitting down and resting cannot fail
to interest the average American.-RocE-
land Co@ier.
A Virginia editor, whose paper has just
| suspended, says that he entered the field
of journalism under the impression that
there were s'millions in it.'' "And so
there are,'' he continued, "but they remain
in it yet"
They say that Fish felt decidedly 'sfresh''
when Pedro turned his back on him in
New York harbor. He wanted the Empe-
ror to know that he was no ordinary sar-
dine, and then to be treated in that manner
Chicago Times.
Always a woman at the bottom. If
Schenck had let Little Emma alone, and
Bristow had Stunned Mary Merit, all
would have been we'll with both of them
CtescGgo 7snaes.
What is pleasanter a,Ase nice morn;nos
than getting up and taking suurIso
of four or five miles before breakfast? ?
Nothing, certainly, unless it is lying IN
bed and thinking aboutit.
John B. FELTON,, San Francisco lawyer,
is lucky man. He gained great min
ing suit some time ago, and was paid
fee of $1,o0O,o0O. We should like to feel
as he FELTON, that occasion.-Courser-
Journal.
This is the season for planting gardens.
It is also the season for revenge. Many a
pean. hes es7eo~oAv, ;pi--iee lzzss; lNlrfa
dustrious and energetic hens after his
neighbor has laid ont his vegetable garden.
-Norwich Bulletin.
When A. r. Stewart died we didn't
know but we should be made happy, by
being remembered in his viii. and, there
| fore, did not dun our subscribers for day
| or two. The will has been opened at last,
and for reasons that, no doubt, were best
known to Mr.. Stewart, we were not re-
membered. Therefore we will feel under
obligations to our subscribers if they will
keep on paying up until Commodore Van
derbilt dies Whatehag Times.
The completeness of the Centennial will
fall short if the managers neglect to pro-
vide representation of new-fangled
country editor. Let's see-posed with one
foot on the neck of the Office boy, the other
on the treadle Of worn-out job press, his
left hand holding a receipt for half bushe
of turnips, the over-werked brain of his
right arm vigorously plying the hand saw
on chunk of editorial " "ready-set" matter
and the picture is eomplete.-1atrnsr
Falls Reporter.
How GAMBETTA LOST HIS EYE.-A pas
| ocfo &c