South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-09-15

other. dolefully whispered: "By thun.
der, Johnny, they are going to begin
over again ~
V'MAMMA (who has. been quietly
watching certain surreptious proceed
ings)--"Willie, who helped you to all
that cake?" Willie promptly)--"Heb-
ben, mamma" Mamma (stcrnly)-"Sh
-sh--sh, You naughty boy; how dare
you tell such stories?" Willie-"'Taint
my fault if it's tory ma. Didn't pa
tell beggarman Eat hebben helped
choose Eat helped zemselves?"
sV"We find that he came TO his death
from calling Bill Jackson liar" was
the verdict ola coroner's jury in Texas.
EV Teacher-"Johnny, how did E.
noch go to heaven?" Johnny-"Don't
know, ma'am.'' Tcacher-"Why, T..
noct was translated; God took him up
to heaven without dying" Johnny
"Golly, then that's the line I'm going
up on
GD The assurance of the lightning rod
man was never better illustrated than
the other day when he applied to the
president Of railway company and wan
ted to put lightning rods on all of his
cars. Lightning rods on our cars :"
asked the latter. why, certainly
What in the world do we want them
for" because they make good con
ductors," replied the man, as he closed
the door hastily behind him.
IvWhy is the opening Of the Fall
campaign like q fashionable woman?-
Because there's great hustle about it.
IVA chap was arrested in Philadcl.
phia tho other day for stealing clock
The Judge told him that as he had Ia.
ken another mans time TO begin with,
he could now take his own time to re-
feet upon it, and sent him up for three
months forthwith.
ETA young man was frequently eau
TONED by his father to vote for inca
suros, not men," lie promised to DO
so, and soon after received bonus to
vote for Mr.. Peck His father, astonish-
cd at his voting for man whom lie
deemed Objectionable, inquired the rea-
son for doing so. Surely, father" said
the son, "you told nc to vote for mea-
suros, and if Peck is not n measure, l
don't know what is"
tI'A little boy, being asked by his
Sunday school teacher TO give an nc
count Of the Garden Of Eden, said il !
was "a nice big place, full of beautiful
things, with man in IL to watch it and
keep everybody from FASTING bills OH
'hc trees"
II Mike they tell me you have got n
twin brother. Ys, 80 It's. Nc brother /
Pat is to myself only he's born in ire.
land and me in Ameriky.
gvRoctors wife lsevcrcIy-"Tom +.
my Robinson, how is it you don't take |
OF your hat when you meet me?" Tom
roy-"Wcll, marin, if take Off my hat
to YOU, what be to do when ] meet
the porson himsclr?"
!1@"No arm shall come 10 you, you
know" said an English lover to his a
merican sweetheart "All right, George"
was tho response heard above the roar
Of Niagara; "but wouldn't mind be.
ing Nugget just little
TT'"IIow do You like your new minis.
ter Madge?' asked ono very stylishly
dressed young lady Of another, in "a
Highland car tho other day. ooh, Inc is
Just splendid" she replied with anima.
ton. you ought to sec him, Maud
lie is so handsome, and be prays 50
beautifully, and reads tho hymns in such
a lovely way; and besides Maud, there
was dreadful scandal about him in tho |
place where he preached before he came |
here"
sgPonucs arc lot ant .ll heating.