Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-11-22
Humorous.

| LIE u1du WIZ DCG LIS pay 16It bad
when he had to pay his bet.
The witticism ascribed to Robert
Collyer, concerning the oyster plant, is
applicable to other things: cts always
just going to taste like oysters, but
it never does"
STUDENT in Paris, after passing three
years IN the Latin quarter, wrote to his
father as follows: ~ have made up
my mind to set to work, dear father:
therefore should like to know wheth-
er It was law or medicine that T came
to study?"
A COUNTRY editor gives the following
case of absence of mind, GA girl who
was one of our first loves, was one night
lighting us out after having spent q
delightful evening. In bashful trent
dation she blew us out, and drew the
candle behind the door and kissed it,"
MORE honeymoon amenities -Ange-
lima (who has been perusing the
"births, deaths, and marriages ," ed
win, do so object to that horrid word
relict! If | should die, promise, oh,
promise, you will not allow me to be
described as your relict !'-Punch.
A Boston butcher sent a piece Of
meat to an old maids cat regularly
every day for four years, and now she
leaves him a legacy of $4,000. If
butcher Is any way tender hearted and
kind, he can have legacies thrown at
him by the dozen every year.
RENTS have risen," was the iocose
remark of the astute small boy when
nail caught in the previously small
tear in his coat tail and ripped the gar
ment up to his neck. Subsequently,,
after an interview with his parents, he
moaned to himself in the woodshed
that "leather had fallen"
"WHAT makes you get up so late,
sir ?" said father to his son, who made
his appearance at the breakfast table
about ten o'clock. "Late why, father,
1 was up with the lark" "Well, then,
sir, for the future don't remain up so
long with the lark but come down a
little earlier to breakfast"
"MY dear boy" said lady to pre-
cocious youth Of sixteen, "Goes your
father design you should tread the in
tricate and thorny paths of a profession,
the straight and narrow paths Of the
ministry, or reveal inc fowery paths
of literature?" "No, marin; dad says
he's going to set me to work in the tat
ter field"
MIR. BUCKLE says that the present is
merely repetition of the past. He
does not mention the fact, but most
people will presume from this state
ment that the way William the Con-
MI of
sending over notice of big Bill COM
ing, when every one Immediately left
home and went to the Centennial
Norwich Bulletin.
EDITH THAT dreadful young firt)-
"Do you know, COZ, think / shall
marry?" Cousin with designs in that
quarter =" Really! You amaze me!
Soon?' Edith-"Well, perhaps in
month or two" Cousin-'' Aud may I
ask the name of the happy man?'
Edith-"The what?" Cousin-"T he
man, the r-what is 1.-THE intend
ed?" Edith" An, by the way-yes-
[ must begin to think of that, too,
mustn't II"
A CORRESPONDENT desires to know
what sort of thing q "pocket gynas-
ium is that he sees advertised in the
papers. Well, pocket gymnasium
holds from pint to q quart, and is
made of glass covered with leather;
but we can't recommend it. We once
saw young man have one in good
working order, and after practicing
with it short time he found it much
easier to stand on his head than on his
feet, and he couldn't find his way
home.-Norristou Herald.
ART is low in the New York market.
Apropos Of which, correspondent
tells story of James Boards early
days. espent summe r at country
inn, and paid his board in portraits at
S. apiece. Some year or two after
ward, the landlord found the rising ar
fist in the city painting on rising mar
ket. Games" said the old man,
| what do you get for pictures now?"
"Thirty dollars" was thereby. "Ah f!
and how many CAN you paint in a
week. "Two," said the truthful
James. The old man, after short
mental wrestle, exclaimed" sixty dol
lars week-two hundred and forty
dollars month. Now, James, if YOU
can be careful and save your money,
you'll soon be able to leave painting
and go into some respectable business"
Beard says that, in business point of
view, he has often been sorry he
didn't take the advice.