Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-03-09
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

the peacock.
THE way TO live above board-go to
housekeeping.
DELAwARE promises plenty of peaches
for next season.
n DRUNKEN man shot himself in Chi
cago garnet. He desired a dram attic death.
-Neao HaUea Journal
THE latest name for Mr.. Probabilities
Old Goose bone.-N. Y. Commercial Adper-
tiser.
IT may be true, as Mrs. Beecher SAYS,
that woman may be respectable with
out single silk dress but is that happi-
ness?
HERE were more than than 10000 pa
tents Issued last year, yet there is nothing
better than an empty soda bottle to throw
at cat
Mrs. HELMBoLD says that her husband
bores men to death in the offices where
they print papers, and this she considers
insanity. Her head is level.
A WOMAN may not have so much hair
as comet, nor so many belts as aJupIter,
but she stands at the head of the myste
ries Of the universe.
"STEwED GIBLETs" proved a profitable
dish to Baltimore man, for he found in
the gizzard of what was supposed to have
been monster gobbler dollar gold piece.
g If you don't patch up those walls so
that | can keep warm, | will go, too ex-
n 10 w ir,ip
the MadisonVille (Ky) Jail, the other day.
His modest request was granted.
THERE will be no tickets the Centenni-
al. The price of admission will be fifty cents,
and every visitor will have to provide
himself with titty-cent piece, as small
change and quarters will not be received
A SPRINGFIELD (MaSs.) man Went to
Philadelphia big with the wish to buy the
sole right to sell cigars on the great ma
tional show grounds. When they asked
him $4,000 for a single stand site, he
came away sorrowful.
WHERE is the girl who can decline the
pleasure of q carriage ride with her "fel-
low" even though she knows that the ex-
pense of rig takes the last cent which
the poor youth can borrow from widowed
mother?
LIGHTNING never strikes twice in the
same place." said Hafiz; but on the sup
position that his view is correct, it is diff
f1cult to see the abiding utility of a light
ning-rod. When it has once saved a
house it should be removed and set up in
another corner
YESTERDAY the blush of health was
upon her cheek, and the light of happy
spirit in her eye; to-day, as she sits apart,
looking as yellow as saffron, and feeling
as sullen as a mud-turtle, he asks her ten
derry what ails her, and she answers
sharply: "Mince-pie, you idiot"
l." IT is not our fault says a Milwau-
kee editor, that we are red-headed and
SMALL, and the next time that one of those
overgroWn rural ToOsters in a ballroom
reaches down for our head and sug-
gests that some fellow has lost a rose
bud out of his buttonhole, there will be
trouble"
ON cold, dark winter night, when a
newly-married husband is taking in the
clothes, with frozen fingers and mouth
ful of clothes pins, nothing gives him
greater feeling of despair than to hear his
wife open the back window and say:
Joseph, you may bring yours in, but
guess you can hang mine back"
DANA B. CLARK, of San Buenaventura,
Cal, has. two limbs of an orange tree,
which are very small, neither being half
an inch in diameter, yet one has eight
cen oranges on it, and the other four
teen. The fruit was ripe and luscious
and extraordinarily large. The oranges
were raised on the Camulos ranch, the
trees upon which they grew being nine
years old from the seed.
JONES, of the Boston Traveller, thus re-
turns thanks for his Valentines First
for elegant ater-color pictures of bro
keF a grocer a hod-carrier, and sewing
machine agent. Then for little boy
with summer clothes on, and feathers
sprOuting out Of the boys shoulders sur
rounded by seven frying hearts. Next,
for more substantial tokens Of esteem in
the shape of sieve, somewhat worn,
DOA 0i aShCS, l"o OlOhtl pIdltS anu Hall
barrel of old boots and shoes. These last
were left on his back doorstep. His wife
also, remembering it was St. Valentines
day, gave him good talking to for
bringing home two gentlemen TO tea last
evening"
THE -four dealers of Auburn, n. Y,
united in resolution to sell no -four to
grocerymen or other retail dealers in thst
city except at retail prices, hoping to
monopolize ti.c retail trade. But the
grocerymen obtained flour outside the
city and continued selling as usual AT
this the combination cut down prices in
the hope Of driving away outside trade.
They painted flaming signs on their deliv-
cry wagons and thus attracted considerable
attention. But the opposition caricatured
the combination by constructing large
box with canvass sides, bearing such in