Middletown transcript., 1876-02-12
Aunl!orous.


.nitro-glycerine. because she blows
him up so often and SO violently.
Kansas teacher-.'W Where does all
our grain go to-" Boy-'.It goes into the
hopper." "What hopper?" "Grass-
hopper !" triumphantly shouted the lad.
An old lady announced in court that
she bad no lawyer.-that God was her
lawyer. my dear madam" replied
the Judge. -'he doesn't practice in this
court
"If YOU want fun, remarked old
Smilax lerning over the gate and work.
ing the gravel with his bare toes, you
oughter see my wife dig taters when
she's tearin' mad.
Samuel Bowles is not crazy-not oy
a lug full-but when he directed an en-
velope in lead pencil. and looked all
over the room for blottiDg pad, there
was a chance to start a story
..Wbat is the difference 'twixt a
watch and a fedder bed, Sam = "Dun-
uo-gin it up" because de tlck'n
of de watch am on de inside, and de
tiekin' of de fedder bed am on de out
side"
Men are erratic. William Homer.
Of Memphis, permitted his wife to give
a grand party, and when the guests had
arrived he brought in the garden hose
aud sprinkled them out.
In reply to young writer who wish
ed to know (which magazine will give
me the highest position quickest!' a
contemporary advises powder maga-
zine, If you contribute fiery article.
Growing boy on the fence to the boy
on the walk-"Aha! You amt got
no baby at your house" sneer'ng boy
on the walk to boy on the fence
don't care, our dog has got six pups,
aha-a"
1t is always so in this world. The
girl that James Felker, of Terre Haute,
used to lean over the garden gate with
and call his trailing arbutus, broke his
arm last week with stove handle.
He's married to her.
Who can sound the depth Of woman's
love? A New Hampshire wife says OF
her husband: "His kick is an inspira-
ton, and when he knocks me down |
feel that my measure Of human happi-
ness is full to overfowing."
Augustus, DEAR" said she. ,enderly
pushing him from her, as the moon
light flooded the bay window, where
they were standing, Il think you had
better try some other hair dye-your
moustache tastes like turpentine."
A Nevada lass having received an
offer of marriage from young mer-
chant who had been in the neighbor-
hood but short time, replied, "Well.
| don't know Girls are scarce and
high about here What are you worth 2
A negro preacher in Mississippi. in
referring to the day of judgment, ex-
claimed, with earnestness, ''Brudders
and sisters, in dat day de Lo'd shall
dewide de sheep from de goats, and
bless de Lo'd, he knows, for sure, which
wars de WOOL
'What are you about?' inquired
lunatic of cook, who was industriously
picking the feathers from the fowl.
"Dressing chicken" answered the cook
Il should call that undressing" replied
the crazy fellow. The cook looked re-
Elective.
Somebody has said that butterflies
were unusually scarce last summer.
Evidently he wasn't family man who
made the statement. There's nothing
like lot of growing children to help
you to make your own butter fly, and
your grub also.
1t shocks Wisconsin woman aw-
fully. about week after she has read
Of her husbands destruction by grass
hoppers. to hear familiar footstep on
the stairs, and his well-known voice
asking, "Hanner, have you got them
breeches of mine patched yet"
A clergyman being much pressed by
lady Of his acquaintance to preach
sermon the FIRST Sunday after her mar
riage: complied, and chose the follow
ing passage in the Psalms as bis text
s.And there shall be abundance of peace
while the moon endureth."
Mrs. Podgers detected her husband
burying an old saucepan Ill the back
ward. the other morning. and asked him
what he was about Nothing much. :"
returned Podgers. "only it's high time
we were getting ready to send some
Revolutionary relics to the Centennial. :"
A most remarkable illustration has
Just been furnished of the overmaster-
ing force Of genuine patriotism. Twenty
newly. married couples stopped at a
Philadelphia hotel one night last week.
and nineteen of the brides sat IN until