National Republican., 1876-01-01

mo, slr-ee-DOD.'
"Here," said his honor, drawing a nickel from
his vest pocket and handing it to the prisoner,
..you NAV be guilty Of breaking windows Of grid
whenever 1 find a boy who had respect enough for
the public peace of this city to resist touching his
tin horn on Christmas last; want to make hi,
to the janitor, '.get my carriage, and take this
precious cherub home to his mother, and give her
marched out amidst the envious gaze Of a crowd
of boys in the entrance who had profaned the
sacredness Of Christmas day by their fiendish
blasts.
SHE DID NOT INBIBE.
"Mary Bungs, have you any children9" and
wretched-appearng woman, and looked pensively
out Of the window.on to the cob6le;stones below.
sit is six have, yer Honor; six little ones"
"Al alive?n inquired the Judge.
"None of them dead, /" said the woman.
"Now Mrs. Bungs," said his Honor, still watch
ing the lights and shadows on the quiet street be-
low, show can you get drunk six times during the
week and twice Sunday, and still hold that re-
lstion to your family which dgnified maternal
II never imbibe, yer Honor. It's not hereditary
.Never drink, Never drink! Now, Mrs Bungs,
what kind Of way is this to talk when you have
paid three IS fines in the last month for drunken
ness? You may not call it drinking. Mrs Bungs,
but in the opinion of the court it is looking upon
the wine when it is altogether too red. Tomorrow
is general reception day, and If you have any
well to send them word that you viii receive at
cell I, in Castle Croker 1 hope the day will be
auspicious, and that no strong drink will be de-
iyered through the CRATES. Mrs. Bungs, happy
New Year to YOUR
WILLIAM scoUPER's A-A-MEN.
"Another year has passed away to the great
bosom Of eternity, and its last lingering echoes
and ook and beSed TlGam n Is 70 Wiag WSIfGng
Scouper. Now, William" continued his Honor,
something is very much decayed in Denmark.
Yesterday when I met you on the street your
form was erect, your head hung high, and your
face bore all the innocence Of pure and temper
ate life; To-day you are cast down. The look of
inebriate is on your brow. Your hat is gone your
character is ruined, your future is q vast reach
of awful uncertainty. Oh, William! William!
Why hast thou gone astray?"
"A-a-amen!" said William, in solemn tones.
NINETY days In the wOrkhOuse, ehoPping
down with sharp rap on the desk" and if you
ever swear at this court again, William, confess
IL will be o source Of considerable annoyance to
you"
VICIOUS DOGS OUT OF COURT Favor.
The young lawyer who pleaded the case of
Simeon Stinger, charged with keeping a vicious
dog, was an Interesting fellow in more ways than
quite cunt as and they S s Dar
sensations. He arose from his seat and wanted
to know If the Judge was aware that he had
pleaded many cases o similar nature before the
court on other occasions. II have faint recol-
lection that you tried to, sir" saidi his Honor
Honor s for moment, then took stinger % BY By the
shoulder and whispered, UYou might as well pay
the fine, for vicious dog, in the eyes Of this court
ture;' and Singer walked up to the clerks desk
without murmur.
HOW SHE WANTED HER DAUGHTER TO MARRY.
Mrs. Finn, you beat Mary Finn, your daugh-
ter were the words Of his Honor, as the woman's
made the Court vince
81 did" said Mrs. Finn.
"Y0u did hey?" returned.the Court.
Eyes Stree sir. did She's daughter isn't
she? Well, then, If she's my daughter and I
want her to marry Count or Congressman, in
you hearr' and his Honor thought sixty days
would be about right.
LIGHT-wEIGHT LOVER.
He weighed only one hundred and ten pounds,
and when the boys learned that he was courting
scales al the one hundred and nifty notch, they
told him that she would eat him, sit down on him
or ruin him in some way, If he did not look ex-
csrsd ne nUsns
for the opinion Of the world. He said he could
up pin IN b ana 6rans what ne a aSkea * In
weighed thousand pounds and was cross-eyed.
But he seemed to have changed his mind yester-
Said his Honor: "Mr. Peters, why don't you sit
down, sir?"
II don't sit down any more, sir"
But you must"
II can't, SIR"
"Why can't you?"
"Well, sir, she Salu we Couldn't DOtn Sls IN one
chair, and tried to demonstrate that we could,
and che picked me up and settled me on the top Of
o red hot stove, and-1 don't believe care to sit
down, If it peases the court, and the court agreed
with the witness.
GOALS THAT BURN BEST.
"Your Honor" said a rough-lo looking man with
his face full Of painful bruises, "sposen one man
steps up to another and calls him a blatant
blackguard, with no particular mission on earth
but to be mean what would you do with him?'
"Now you have asked me question that love
70 saia a ms monTr wan .ha , ann oni e;
say to him. Brother, life Is short; eternity is for
ever; If should knock you down here and break
your neck, the salts faction would only be tempo
rary. If take you around the corner and heap
burning Goals on your head by hlltng your pockets
with choice peanuts: it will not be ten days before
out security. Come along and ten to one he
would follow, and mot get mashed up like you
have been, by being obstinate"
The rough-looking man sat down and busted
himselfin quiet reflection.
BOY WHO TAKES BETS.
"what did you steal those peanuts for, bJy?"
said the Court to ragged little fellow with one
must" said the young rascal, with a curl 70 his
lip. "Jack Wood bet me that l couldn't get two
quarts into one pants pocket and when / have my
all such bets" 81 hope some day you will have
a peanut stand Of your own," said his Honor;
It than to 20 to the workhouse and learn good
trade, by which to earn the capital to start your
self in the business. Make II three months, clerk.
! think he will learn how to carry water by that
time"
HE WANTED TO KILL SOME ONE.
He was q high-toned young man, but he had
been looking upon the wine when the adder was
street. he brandished a goid-headed cane, and
cried, II want TO destroy some one." A man who
stood by listening tT a hand organ turned upon
to the social standing or business occupation Of
Anything, anything that's Chic) human" and
he cut the air with his cane In O manner that in
dicated great earnestness.
.Then tap that grinder on the head, said the
and tSe young snos 1S Waited
When WI nj he picked himself up rom the pavement,
aYOu old Wig headed Setraysr, give me an easier
one" and then reeled around the corner Just in
time 70 run into policeman, who subsequently
posed.
SEAT THAT WING"
They were man and wife, joined together in holy
wedlock by regularly commissioned Justice Of
vermont avenue, had three children, and % yet were
overcharged with happiness.
"why didn't you parboii that chicken, susansn
said John Bogg trying yainly to separate the
ayes, why didn't parboil and star iboIl IT and
near boil iti Don't you think know how to cook
without being toldf" and Susan's countenance
flushed as though she were provoked.
~ won't eat II, and that's the end Of it," cried
John Bogg, throwing the wing down.
You won't eat, hey, Mr.. Boggf Now, see here,
I'm naturally q pleasant woman, healthy, the
daughter Of o blacksmith the mother OF three
children, and you'd better take care how you
hnd fault with my cooking, or. you'll think
smooth-shod avalanche has struck you. "Eat
the ear, twisted him out Of the chair, spread him
on the floor, put the wing in his teeth and cried,
.Eati eatp' and he eat because he had been there