Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-01-29
Of the independent Gazette
Letter from Bert. Darlington
WuIrrrtrtn v IL Ian Of Is-l

a'H''tN'' NN'Aa atA WIZ AsAHNA" RAAAh- N
bee serenely festive as ever. Eestacy seemed to |
be the thing, SO, waded in with my sweetest smile |
until all the young ladies gazed at ne, in spell |
bound admiration. aud the management begged |
me not TO break up the concert. I didn't. The
performance opened with chorus by the con.
vention. Then followed that familiar, operate |
solo, commencing:
"Ysw, baw, claw, spraw, chew, flew, spew, !
new las drawn by your special artist on the
spot The poetry is slightly trite but still It is
one Of the most soul-rendiHs thingsI ever listen
ed to. Didn't think so, intuitivsly but when-as
the singer winged her daring flight away up into
the ethereal influences of her theme (if she had
any)-I saw old, gray men and women laughing,
crying and wringing their hands like maniacs-
men and women who, to imy certain knowledge,
couldn't tell Yankee Doodle from the doxology
and had no more ear for music than a boiled lob
ster. wa touched and couldn't suppress my
emotion. told Nc. Darlington through my tears
that had never been so frightfully magnetized
in all my life Why, said l, throwing a kiss at
my operate enchantress its unearthly, celestial,
divine, super-"Bert," said Mrs. Darlington, "did
you bring that pan of doughnutJ in out of the
buttery and put it into the sitting room oven,
told you to, before we came away" That took
all the magnetism out of me in u twinkling; for
had forgotten the doughnuts, knew they would be
frozen harder than tamarack burs when we got
back, and having three babies under each arm,
shouldn't get there enough in advance of Mrs.
Darlington to thaw the doughnuts out for lunch or
see that the tOngs, stoVewood and broomsticks
were not temptingly conspicuous to that remark
able woman; - asked her canddly, if she
thought hadn't intellect enough to keep pan
Of F.o, 9 e1,o 7 Ia
like to converse with her about it, some time. BY
the way, Mr. Editor is it absolutely necessary
for fine singer to numerically stretch her
mouth from ear to ear or from upper jaw to col.
lar bone, nsulate her brains, lay her under lip
down to her throat rol her upper lip up against
the bridge of her nose, slide the crown of her
scalp backward and forward, stare, st.ail. wItie
and twist herself seven ways at once, as if she
felt a frightened grasshoppor crawling down her
back? l don't say that anybody ever did the
like, but is it necessary? If it isn't, l hope our
cultured vocalists will fall into the way of first
singing their pieces and then doing the lingual
cartwhcels and gymnastic grimaces, for they don't
mix, worth cent. How much more sensible it
would be for the little star to rise calmly above
! the musical horizon of the evening, make faces at
| the audience awhile and then sober down to bust.
| ness. I'm stout constitutionast and if these
facial unacies are not laid down in the scale, the
sooner the innovation is remanded to the shad-
owy realms of burnt cork, the better. The con.
cert WAS good one, but STILL l think it would
| bear populariZing little, Pm going to scold a
little about it, anyway. DO all my Seeding in the
day time, and am trying to train my daughters
up in the great principle, though Mrs Darlington
claims that scolding is an inalienable maternal
| Inheritance, and that the daylight mind is too
much diverted by mundane considerations to do
| justice to it. But was about to say, that these
concerts are n shade too heightened to thrill,
tickle and content the average ear, and as they
are mainly supported by us everyday mortals
who don't know q stave from sack of salt, bat
who can nevertheless, enjoy the simple melodies
of the song, chorus and ballad, | think the man.
agement should consider its preference on our
! part, and lower its wing to us more often.
don'tmean TO deprive musical connoisseurs of
the pleasure which they derive from the more
artistic and difficult parts of the performance,
| but do claim that after the singers have given
them their share, fully displayed their aesthetic
warbngs and dulled the envious quill and
tongue Of criticism, they ought to come down to
the sphere Of mortal comprehension and cheer
|
about educating us musical numbskulls up to
their stan darS, and all that but most OF us pay
our money for the pleasure of tho evening with
out any thought of musical schooling and if we pay
four-ffths of the bills. we ought to be entitled to
at least one half of the performance. This heav-
emily jargon of operate pastry is delicious to the
refined tooth, and enough of it is very pleasant to
the popular palate but it is too sweet for steady
lIo,,t tow lpl;
and gentlemen, but think it would be better if
you would give us more songs and ballads, spiced
with generous sprinkling of Barnabee and Or
chestral accompaniment, with the opera on a
separate plate. Try it, please.
1t was very cold the other morning, about day.
light, when the mayor was aroused from his class
ic dreams by a loud knock on the door, Visions
OF tramps and spectral shadows from an ada
cent graveyard swept across his oceanic intellect
hut second and louder knock brought him out
of bed and to the door. 1t was bitter cold, you
know, and as the mayor was arrayed in AdamiC
simplicity, which means night,cap, shirt and car
pet slippers, he was not in u frame of mind tc
stand in that arctic draft and discuss abstract
mercantile theories. When he opened the door
who stood there but young Proctor, queer little
nine. yearold, with his fathers boots on, stuffed
with five pairs of stockings; big waterproof
drawn up over his head and an old 76 flint locl
gun on his shoulder, the bare weight of which
made his knees buckle under him. You Internal
little rascal, what are you hero for at this time
night? chartered the enraged mayor. Don't yot
buy skins? said the gamin. Yes; what of it? sale
the mayor, warming q little, at the thought OF
percentage. Do you buy wolf skins? continued
young Nimrod. Yes; where is your skin? quick
now, Pm freezing. What is Il bully wolf skin
going at now, cap'n2 said the little hector
C-dum it, can't fool with you here all night
Where is your skin? Bring it in and your money
is ready. Well, returned the little cuss, ain
got no wolf skin with me, but Pm going gunnin
yer know, and thought if l shot wolf, would
as soon sell it to you anybody. I've never bel
gunnin afore, but Pm goin this morning, and i
get wolf Ill-About that time young Procto
, might have been seen Waiting down the from
walk, followed by a choice selection of parlo
furniture, and the mayor is down with chroni
chills, rheumatism, spinal meningitis and inter
: mittent profanity. Such are the uses of CONNER
1 cial adversely. The mayor has done thriving
business in furs this winter, but he now gives nc
tice that if anybody says fur to him till he get
the towels of his head, lie will prosecute ther
d, for arson.
: The slippery term is threatened with coat G
1 snow, as | wrtG May it come thick and fas
for it doesn't look comfortable to see old lade
and gentlemen sitting down so far from the fir
these cold days.
Thine,
BERT. DARLINGTON.
VERMONT STATE
!, Normal School