South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-04-28
WIT AND IIU sIoIs.


,otvicefo a young Iais fSead The othes
day: "Janc.-if crer you marry a minis.
ter. marry one who in an emergency has
enough OF the grace of God in his heart
to goIrom the pulpit 70 the kitchen.
and pare the potatoes for dinner with.
ont growing
The WEAKER YEssEL.-A sailor was
{. recently brought before a mNj stmte for
beating his wife, When tie magistrate
- attempted TO reach his heart. by Asking
;, him II he didn't know his wife. Was 1.-The
"a weaker yessel."s t.'If,she, is. she o,isSt
not to carry so much sail, )" replied Jack.
a ~ a g. -,
"a q An exchange says that Conductor
McGieary. Of the Chicago. Rock Island
80 ana Pacific railroad, in taking up tick
cts after his train left Des Moines, few
days ago. was somewhat surprised when
lady banded him a paper ON which his
eye sdistiagaished tie words: Take
one cup of sugar, three eggs, aud two
49, -, pounds Of -four; strip we'll, add lit.
tie saleratus. and bake for twenty min.
utes in n hot oven" "Do YOU expect
To pass on this?"' asked McGlearv
Certainly, sir, said the lady III a sur.
prised manner" But when she glanced
her eye on.the paper She smiled and ex.
planned, while MEG ledry took No her
regular ticket and willingly handed back
her receipt for making Boston cookies"
- Young ,ASIERuA.-A, few evenings
= since, n little boy not over four wears of
age. while going down Broadway, n. y.
was stopped by Crowd Of men. seated
IN front of the Broadway Hotel. One
.,, OF the company. who had during the
tsslcrening made repeated efforts al wit
Fa' saul to the boy: .is9 ~ h5es
Sonny, does your nanny know
you're out?"
- Inc little fellow very coolly answered ::
fcs, SIR. my ma gave me three cents
10 BUY monkey-are you for sale?'
aud passed on. leaving the crowd con.
sulsed withlauglaer. Il =
@A modest young gentleman at n
dinner party put the following conun.
drum:
S"Why are most people who eat turkey
like babies % No reply The modest
man oiushcd. and would have backed
out but finally gave the reason: "Be.
-,1 eanse they are fond of the breast."-
Two middle aged ladies' tainted, and the
remains OF the young man were carried
OuStps INC COTOUer.
I'll 1ANKEE lEADING.-A certain farmer.
VINO al the course OF n year purchased n
hundred dollars worth OF goods yai,d al.
ways paid for them.) called at the door
of village merchant. his reoi,lar place
OF dealing, with two Dozen bro,ms which
lie offered Tor sale. The merchant, who
by the way, is fond Of, good bargain
examined his stock, ana said:
well, Cyrus. will give you n skill.
ing apiece Tor these brooms''
80. Cyrus appeared astonishei at the Of.
fer, and quickly replied: f'7t"
"Oh, no. John. / can't begin TO take
that FOR 'em, no how, but I'll les YOU
- nave 'em for twenty cents apiece, and
not cent less"
Cyrus, you are crazy" replied John.
why, see here" showing u fine lot OF
ibfooms, lis an article q great deal bet
Ter than yours, (which was not true. )that
lam retailing at twelve and halfcents
apiece, (Which was not true by seven
and half cents)
ssresl don't care for that" answered CIV.
rus your brooms are cheap enough,
but you can't have nine for less than
twenty cents. no how,'' and, pretending
TO he more than half angry, shotlldered
The merchant. gettinga little nervous
oyer the probable loss Of o good custo.
mer, and fearing lie might 90 10 some
OTHER store and never return, said
"See here. Cyrus. hold on awhile. II
give you twenty cents for Your brooms
suppose you will not object TO take
the price of them in goods?"
Cyrus"
We'll, then, said the merchant, "as
you are an old customer, I will allow YOU
twenty cents apiece for this lot Let me
see--Cwenty times twenty.four make
Just four hundred and eighty--ves. four
dolars, and eighty cents VIVA, kind of
goods viii you have. Cyrus"
Wen, now, John, | reckon II don't
make any difference to you what kind
OF goods take. docs it?"
'Oh, no; not at all" said The mer.
chant.
wei, then, as it don't make any diff
terence 70 you, ri take tie amount I'm
them brooms Of your'n at twelve and
eaii cents apiece! Let mo sce--Cour
ooilars ard eighty cents will get thirty.
eight broom5 and five cents over II
don't make any difference, John about
the i've cents. but as you are n rio IN
clever fellow, I will take the chance in
terbacket7
~ young clergyman, at the first
wedding he ever had, thought Il was
very good tame 70 impress on the couple /
before him the solcmni'y Of the ACT. Il
hope. Dennis he said 70 theinan. won
have well considered this solemn stem
IN life. 81 hope 50, your reverence"
answered Dennis. ITS very imnor. |