davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09
IT'S rIprE no GO 10 BED.

IT'S strange how pa does act sometimes,
When have got q beau:
he seems to think il Just the time
authority to show.
He never thinks himself once young,
But thinks me old instead;
Then raps upon the floor and shouts,
It's time to go to bed"
Now all was silent when at last,
His saddened heart to cheer,
/ said you must not mind papa,
He's getting old and queer.
He sat as still as any post,
And hot word he said;
When 10, another rap and shout
It'sttme 10 SO TO bea.
Said poor George, May, now must go,
and let folks go to bed;
He's knocked upon the door now twice,
Eeu next knock on NY head"
But y0u must come again, Gear George,
Remember, pa il old;
II ne YVES young like you end I,
I'm sure he would not scold."
Eut poor George never came again,
The knocking scared him out;
and always when I've got beau
Pais got TO bang aud shout.
Bat I have got smother now,
and Joining is his name;
lis true papa yet bangs and shouts,
But johnny he is game.
De ( think your papa has retired y
lt was no sooner said,
When instantly the rap and shout
. It's time to go to bed"
qu4cRly babe GEAR john good night,
Up to my room did go,
And what happened quite coon after
You very soon shah know.
Grept quite silent down the stairs.
Rhie John outside did wait;
: threw my shawl about myself
and joined him at the gate.
ES1uTs at the gaze glide PLEASANTLY
Between dear John aud I,
7 could not now enumerate,
so, not il should try
p SAYS dear John has common sense
In not staying 50 late;
Bat knows not half the sparkling done
By us down at the gate.
Dear papa no more raps and shouts
For us to to bed;
There isn't so much sitting UP
Since John aud | we're wed.
q g'1kcsp8je Press.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09

The horrors of Delirium Tremens.
BY J. G. SAKE.

BY J. G. SAKE.
Come, listen awhile to me, my lad,
Come, listen to me for sneh!
Let that terrible drum
For d moment be dumb.
For your uncle is going to tell
What befell
A youth that loved liquor too well.
A clever young man was he, my lad.
And with beauty uncommonly blessed.
Ere with brandy and wine
He began to decline,
And behaved like person possessed
Iprotest
The temperance plan is the best.
One evening he went TO tavern, my lad,
He went to a tavern one night,
And drinking too much
Rum, brandy and such,
The chap got exceedingly tight"
And was quite
What your aunt would entitie a fright
The fellow fell into a snooze. my lad;
IT'S horrible sluulber he takes
He trembles with fear,
and acts very qneer;
My eyes how he shiyers and shakes
When he wakes,
And raves about horrid great snakes!
lie warning to you and to me, my lad,
particular caution to all
Though no one can see
The viper but he
To hear the poor luuatic bawl,
% How they crawl
All over the floor and the WALTZ
Next morning he took to his bed, my. lad,
Nex0 morning he took to his bed;
And he never got up,
To dine or to sup,
Though properly ply sicked and bled;
And 1 read
Next day the poor fellow was dead.
You've heard of the snake ia the grass, m'lad
OF the viper concealed i'll the grass;
But now you must know,
Mans deadliest foe
Is snake of different class;
Alasi
lis the viper that Turks III the glass;"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09

The present Sultana of Turkey was,
before marriage, disreputable woman
of Pera. She is Belgian by birth, and
married the Sultan, when he was twice
removed from his present position, as a
speculation.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09
Wit and Rum0r.

LOST at seattle sight of land.
A CRYING evil-Taking the. baby0 the
theater.
A DETROIT sign reads: "Wared, a
young man to drive horses up stats.
Is A torch-lig ht procession bryade2
Pittsburgh @ aSette. Yes, it night
be torchered into that. st. LoatiDema-
OcrGt.
"YEs," said Mr.. Squibb, ably,
"poor Longstopple, the cotton mn, is
a complete wreck. saw even Is old
boots soled under the hammer ESTER
day."
"WHAT object do You nowsees"
asked the doctor. The young ma hes
itated, and then replied: cit apears
like iackass, doctor, but I thiK it's
your shadow"
WHEN man shoots his sweeseart,
because she won't marry him, in apan,
he gets tied in a bag full of thistb and
rolled down rocky precipice IND the
sea. And it serves him right.
4 DoTING young father boasts tilt his
baby son is so atfectonate that b sits
up with his parents nearly all nigh, and
so tough that he seems to have 10 con-
ception of fatigue or of the the of
day.
"AH, Ponto, old fellow Hws the
lurbago, and how's all ct lome?"
''Bettcr, thanks. I'm a bachIor just
at present-wife's visiting her mther."
/" All then, you're fish out O. rater2"
Precisely-bot water"
The paragraphist Of the New York
Commercial advertiser wrote: g We
don't like to hear of these South Caolina
war clubs. Why can't our whit and
black Southern brethren war-clubmgly
together in the paths of peace9" Is it
strange that this man has cOnvulsioB?
"I BEG your pardon, gentle men,, OBJ
served Bismarck to couple OF oval
Britons who were predicting the hare
of glory that would fall TO the sweden
walls of England" in case of a EurOean
war, 81 beg your pardon, but VIVA was
that you remarked about the wooden
heads of Engla nd ?"-Brooklg9a A9a&s.
SHE wouldn't stand to have Doth
pulled for one million two hundred
thousand dollars, she said, and yet she
walked Canal street in tiny gaiter two
sizes too small for her, and thGght
nothing of it; but then nobody saVthat
tooth, and several saw the CATERS NeaO
Orleans Bulletin.
A BANKER has some doubts as I'd the
genuineness of the signature OF rom-
issory note that has come into his pos
session, and sends his clerk to the mixer.
+" We have q note for 10000 franc on
which is what purports to be your sgna-
ture. Is it yours9" Sis the notepro-
tested?" "No, sir. "Then it il not
nine"
BAssoarP1ERE, French Ambassador to
Spain, was telling Henry ". hoy he
entered Madrid. "I was mounted on
the very smallest mule In the wotld,"
said the Ambassador. "Ah, said the
King, "what an amuCing sight, II see
the biggest ass mounted on the smallest
mulei'' 81 was Your Majesty's repre-
sentative" was the reioinder.
hUSICAL GLUTTON.
lie waited for his oyster stew,
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09

THE grandmother of the late Gen.
Mcpherson. whose monumeht was un-
yelled at Washington by the Society Of
the Army of the Tennessee recently, was
invited to be present at the ceremonies,
but died the day before the invitation
reached its destination. She was SO
years of age.
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09
A IA OsICAL GLUTToN.


lie waited for his oyster stew,
And drummed upon his plate
solo with his plated fork,
And thus did mediate:
81 think one plate wiz not suffice;
think wou not rue it
If thoud take another dish;
Ill do it, yes, I'll duet"
He took his stew, he took his two,
And then he heayes sigh, O,
And murmured in the walters ear,
'Auother dish I'll trio.
Another, and another still,
In fact, when he had ceased,
This human oyster depot had
quartet at the least.
Paul Y1letchi, an Boston Transcript.
AS gentleman stepped into New
York drug shop and called fora glass OF
soda water, the boy at the fountain
iokingly asked, "Will you hare fly in
it9" "Yes, sir" said the man prompt
ly. The boy scooped one off the wall,
and, dropping it in the sirup drew on
the water, and set it down fol the pur-
pose of continuing the joke; but before
he could withdraw it the stranger seized
the glass and swallowed the beverage,
fly and all, remarking, as he wiped his
mouth, ED swallowed that if it had
been an elephant, rather'n have a boy
with no hair on his lip get the best OF
me-"
The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-09

about the hOuSe-a waiter probably
who had attempted to rob me; one of
those who had seen me open my letter
and examine the notes. I bethought
me also then that my movements in my
room must have been watched, or that
stealthy hand would never have been
raised with such foreknowledge toward
the spot where had placed the money.
A long acquaintance with foreign hab-
its had taught me that an amiable GUS
tom prevailed among this rascally
scum OF walters of boring gimlet-
In the corners Of the door panels,
through which they might become &C
qualnted with the private proceedings
OF the occupants of the rooms, male or
female. / was not surprised, therefore,
on reminding my candle and examining
the door, to find several of these tro4S-
judas, as they are playfully called; one
particularly, so large and so directed
that anybody in the outer passage could
observe all that went on within the room.
My Impulse now was TO raise an
alarm; but an instant's reflection showed
me II l did / must bid good-by to all
thoughts OF reaching Paris by the early
train, and OF saving the limit of my
leave. And was it worth my while to
do this? [ decided in O moment-most
certainly not. Was to expose myself
to vast personal inconvenience and pos
sible professional ruin, through not
meeting my engagement, simply for the
sake OF explaining to the cumbersome
law OF the land what had happened, and
to run the risk of not being able to do
SO to It's satisfaction, and consequently,
perhaps, OF being incarcerated as a muir
derer? Not bit of it! I would see
the law of Switzerland at Jericho first !!
AS it was | had lost my watch, and my
temper leaped up in rebellion at the
thought, and easily persuaded me for
the time that should be little better
than fool to risk the prospects of my
life by any act SO Quixotic. If the ras-
cal were drowned it was his own fault,
and there should be an end of it as far
as was concerned. So, at least,
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
HE
PATRONS HELPER.
: Weekly Paper, published at
Des MONIES, - Iowa.
Devoted Exclusively to the Interests of the
Patrons Of Husbandry.
BY Resolution If the Io,ru State Grunge tie
Medium Of Concentration Of the
State Grange Offers NTH the
Subordinate Cranes

As FAMILY PAPER it is pure and chaste
tree from scandals and low wit; but full of the
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and best writers of the day
As AFARMER's PAPER. Il is replete " it'll nra,.
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AS GRANGE PAPER, it freely and fully dis
cusses all questions Of interest to Patrons,
whether ms: de or outside the Order and fear
lessly prociaims the sound political and eco
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AS NEWSPAPER, whether relating to grange
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carefully culling out from the great dailies ali
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As MMEKc1AL PAPER, it gives special at
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AS AN ADVERTISING PAPER, it carefully ex-
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and every advertiser who is of doubtful re-
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1t aims to supply the Patron Farmer. week
ly, with valuable reading matter, full Of inter
est and instruction alike to father. mother and
children.
1t is not political paper and will take no
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availability OF candidates for Office
It's not religious paper, and while it wish
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But everywhere and always, it will proclaim
and defend the rights of men, of all men. with
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IN brief, 1t is true PATRONS paper, and its
CHEF Object is this: to aid in promoting The
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SUBSCRIPTION RATES
Single copy one year, postage prepaid, 81 50
Specimen copies, one month, free, on applica.
ton
GEO. Vim. JONES.
kDlTOR AND PRoPRIEToI.
With an able orps of associate editors and
contributors. sou
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
HAVE YOU A DOLLAR
FOR ONE DOLLAR
We will send postage paid
The WEEKLY WORLD
For One Yea,


l. 1t contains all the news Of the past seven
Gays, collected by the agents and correspon-
dents OF the New York Daily World. and in
fulness, accuracy and enterprise in this respect
Is unequaled
,. Its AGRICULTURAL DEPARTMENT
contains the latest news Of farm experiments al
home and abroad, contributions hy home and
foreign writers, full reports Of the Farmers
Club OF the American institute, and quotations
OF valuable and interesting articles appearing
IN the agricultural weeklies and magazines.
3. Its GRANGE NEWS, to which attention
IS specially called, is a feature which can he
found IN no other paper. All the resources Al
the command cf a great metrotolitan daily
newspaper are employed in its collection. and
The result Is page each week wher the mem
bers may fnd complete record Of III. work
OF the order in every state in the Union for the
past seven days. In addition TO this weekly
record, The World gives tie cream Of all the
local grange papers in every state This de-
partrnent IL and will continue under the charge
OF on. Of the active members Of the order
q. For the FIRESfDR DEPARTMENT, in
addition TO its other attractions. such as poetry
miscellany humorous extracts etc, during the
coming year, there will not BE- l-ss than one
hundred short tales by the best writers of &c
ton in England aud America.
S. The MARKET REPORTS. brouch. down
10 the hour OF publication, are the b.-, tl,at
can he made. Zach marke. is reported bv one
whose special knowledge and training make
him ihe btrt authority upon that subject in the
7 nitsd States For accuracy and com p.eienesss
the nlarke; reports of The World are unrivalsd
''Th- World is no; ouls the best bu, the
cheapest newspaper ever offered the farmer. /"
Semi-weekiy tlo4 Nos.,l q year Daily
f3l3 No. $40 per year. Specimen copies sent
upon application
Address "THR WORLD"
sn-6t. 35 Park Row, New York.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
u
PULLMAN PALACE CARS.

with trains Of all cross roads.
PULLMAN PALACE CARS.
These celebrated cars are nun on all night
trains on all the lines of this rad
This is the ONLY LIVE running these cars be-
tween Chicago and ST. Paul or Chicago and
Milwaukee.
At Omaha our sleepers connect with the
Overland ,l.-pers on the Union Pacific Rail-
road for all points west OF the Missouri River.
Among the
Inducements Offered by this
Route
70 the trav ling public are all the modern i'm
provements Rock and Gravel RaliAsted Track.
Steel Rails. Rock and Iron Bridges, Parlor and
Drawing Room Dav Coaches, Smoking and
Loung.ag Cars, Westinghouse Safety Air
Braie-, Mil.r's paten; Ssfety Coupling and
Platforms, Sped, Safety and Absolute Comfort
Running Through Five Great States,
and operating over 1000 miles of road, this
company presents TO the tn yeler facilities that
are no. and canno. b. offered by any competi-
tor.
All ,icke. agents csn sell yon tickets via this
ron.r
II you wish the best travelling accomInoda-
tons, you viii buy your tickets by this route,
and will take no otter.
GARTIN HTGHITT.
General Superintendent
IT, H. 6TENEETT,
General Passenger Agent.
9ly-wk
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
HOW TO CONDUCT A COURTSHIP.


Don't be to sudden about it. Many a
girl has said mo" when she meant yes,
simply because her lover didn'; choose
the right time and pop the question gent
ly.
Take dark night for IT. Have the
blinds closed. the curtains down, and the
lamp turned almost out. Sit near
enough to her SO that you can hook your
little finger into hers. Wait until con-
versatlon begins to tiag and then quietly
remark:
'Susle, want to ask you something.
She will tidget around little, reply
yes, and after pause You can add
Susie, my actions must have shown
that is you must have--l mean that
you must be aware thas-that-"
Pause here for while, but keep your
fingers firmly locked. She may cough
and try to turn the subject off by asking
you how you liked the circus, but she
only does 1t to encourage you. After
about ten minutes you may continue.
Il was thinking as | came up the path
tonight, that before went away would
ssk you-that is, would breach the sub,
ject nearest MY mean would know
my
Stop again and give her hand gentle
squeeze, she may give yank to sc. it
away, or she may not. In either case it
argues we'll for you. Wait about five
minutes and then go on:
The past year has been very happy
one to me, but hope that future wears
will be happier. However that depends
entirely upon you. am here tonight to
know-that is to ask you'll mean am
here tonight TO hear from your own lips
the one sweet"
Wait again. /, isn't best to be rash
about such things. Give her plenty o
time to recover her compoSure, and then
put your hand on your heart and con
time:
"Yes. | thought As WAS coming
through the gate to-right, how happy
had been: and l said to myself if | only
knew you would consent to be my-tha,
is, said if l only knew-if | WAS only
certain that my heart had not deceived
me. and you were ready to share
Hold on there's no hurry about 1t
Give the wind chance to sob round tn,
gables. This will make her lonesome
and call up the love in her heart. Wher
she begins to cough and grow restles
you can 60 on:
Before met you this world was ,
desart to me-, didn't take any pleas
in going blackberrying and stealing rar'
ripe caches, and it didn't matter whett
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
Immense Success. !

ymmenSe NurreSS. TOO new subscribers
every week testify. to
the popularity Z. the peoples paper !" the
Star Spangset Banner. 18th year, large 8
PAGE, AZ column paper, illustrated, and filed
with charming stores, tales, poems, wit. hu-
NOR, and three columns devoted to is "hoxues
Corner, or expose Of Swindlers. Qnacks and
Humbuzs- !. is By all odds The h.st and mosf
popular OF all the literary p4perS Read by
Isl, 900 delighted subscribers, established ls65,
aud never susysnds O. fails to appez- on tine.
1t i family friend y and complete family
paper II will SIRE voa from heing swindled
and give ron moes delightful readiDs for =
whole year. Pail not to suhecribe now
rAur charming French chrpmos are given
FREE to every one paying ii for the Ban
usr for 1876 ThsSs are worth 81 each, and
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frame Reader, Won want the Banner, you
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The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02

er the sun shone or not But what :
change in ore short year! It is for you
to say whether my future shall be prai.
RE Of happiness, or summer fallow of
Canadian thistles. Speak dearest, Susie,
and--say that--that--"
Give her five inmates more by the
clock, and then add:
That you will be---that is, that you
WILL mean that you will--be mine -
She will heave a 81 Oh look up at the clock
and the stove. and then as she slides her
head over your vest pocket, she viii
whisper:
You are just right--I will
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
STATE OF MINNESOTA,


DEPARTMENT OF Insurance.
WHEREAS, The Mi-sissi pp Valley Insurance.
Co, \ corporation organized under the laws
OF the Stat Of Tennessee has lied in this De-
partment sworn statement exhibiting Its con-
diiion aud business Tor the year ending D. Gem
her 3ist, 1875, from which il appears tia; the
eapstal. thu character # The securities and the
financial standing Of said Company, conform
10 tile requirements OF the laws of tins State
regulating the business Of insurance.
Ana whereas said Insurance company has
fully compiled with all the requirements Of the
insurance laws Aforesaid
New THEREFORE, |, A. r. Mcjiil, Insur-
anca Commissioner Of the State OF Minnesota
pursuant 10 the provisions OF said laws, do
hereby c.rtfv that tine above named Company
Is fully empowered, through its authorized
seea;,, 10 transact it, appropriate business Of
Fire Insurance in this state, according 10 ;le
laws thereof. until tine 3lst day of January, 4
p. 1877
IL TESTIMONY WHEREOF, have hersunto 50;
my hand and AFFIXED my official seal this 18th
day Of February 1876.
A. r. Mct5rII,
Insurance Commissioner.
/. +. A. STUDDART, Agent.
Feb. 24--3t. ST. Paul, Mimi
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02
DANSEUSE AND PRINCE

The young duke of Reichstadt, Napo-
icon H., delicate in health from his
birth, had never seemed capable of feel
ing the least interest in life. Nothing
could rouse him from profound indiffer-
ence and melancholy that penetrated his
whole being. He distrusted every body
was unwilling to go into society. 1t was
thought that if his affections could be en-
listed his mind would assert itself A
number Of the fairest yoln. women
about the court was presented to him.
but their charms, their blandish.Aents.
their conversation, their passion, real or
feigne-, moved him not a Jot. He turned
from them III WEAKNESS, and begged to
be excused. Some sagaeious functlonary
suggested thar the ballet queen should be
introduced to the forlorn youth in the
guisc Of a peasant, in the nope that She
so accustomed to conquests, might CON
quer even him. The plan succeeded to a
charm, and Louis fell in love with the
seeming peasant girl. She pretended to
reciprocate his 20 e, never intimating that
she was not ignorant Of his birth ard po-
sition.
Day after day they met in the gardens
of the palace; Il on they extended thei,
excursions on foot and in carriage. until
new spirit and new life became his.
He made her his confidant he told her
his bitter past, the dependency of the
hope and Joy she had been the first to
awaken in his nature; that she was the
one human being i'll all the world he
loved or cared for. In the midst Of this
idylic life, the duke being one day in the
city, felt inclined to visit the theatre e.
That evening he sat listless in the box,
hardly needing the performance, scarcely
noticing the ballet, until all the figure OF
brightness and beauty bounded upon the
scene. He was all eyes and animation Mt
once. He had never imagined so marvel
Gus a likeness to Marie. Could he be
mistaken He leveled his lorgnette again
and again. The vision Of the lover conlt.
not be deceived. The truth and the
whole truth soon flashed upon him. His
Marie and everybody's Fanny were one
ard the same. The glass fell from his
hand; the poor boy turned deadly pale
and mi ht have SWooned in his seat had
he not been taken from the theatre and
driven home al, lost lnsensiIle. The next
morning the story was all over Vienna
Louis never saw Marie more. The little
hope and faith he had she had aroused
af.er that cruel trick he fell once more
into himself. never to hope again. He
did not live very long. The very nigh;
he died she was daucing in crowded an1
applauding theatre. She had forgotten
all about him, but she still remernb creG
the 10000 forms that had been paid hei
for deceiving him.
The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-03-02

Theodore Thomas gave a concert in
Watcrtown, N. Y, last week, and, when
3 Wagner selection was reached, chap
leaned toward his girl and explained
Wagner was here last night and gave a
concert. Wagner and Thomas are great
friends, and Thomas always puts two or
three of his pieces in the programme"
The Wagner referred to by the Water
tcwn connosseur was Happy C:l,' of
negrO-m!nstrel fame.