The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1876-02-06
WH<TWls THE JOKEf
A Purely American Tragedy in Three Acts.
!. THE JOKE.

remote Western State who once acquired a
more than local reputation for his proficiency
and geniality In the conduct OF capital execu-
lions. To the professional address Of a CalcTaft
he added another qualification which almost
robbed the gallows OF It's terrors, and made
death by strangulatiUn at his hands the next
thing to pleasure.
This IIangman knew a very funny Joke, which
II was his practice to communicate to his client
Just before launching him into eternity. II
had never been ascertained whether this Joke
partook more OF the nature OF pun, or Of a
conundrum, or OF a capital story; for the hang
man declined to impart 1t under any circum-
stances other than those already mentioned,
and. for obvious reasons. no information on the
subject could be obtained from those who had
been allowed to snare the enjoyment OF IT, At
all events the Joke was irresistibly humorous.
The II angman invariably whispered II into the
ear OF his friend Just after adjusting the Ia
tai moose, and Just before pulling down the
black cap. And the condemned Invariably be
came convused with merriment, always scream-
ing with laughter and sometimes vsibly shaking
his sides in spite OF all pnions. Then the trap
was sprung, and the victim in the happiest Of
moods, passed down and out.
II Is unnecessary to point out that a Joke
effective under conditions so unfavorable to the
have been very funny Joke indeed.
Whether from a general curiosity to know
what this Joke was, or from other social causes
which lie outside our neld OF inquiry, crime in
creased to such a degree In the locality In ques-
ton that the Hangman had his handsfull OF work.
But by strict attention tn business. and by virtue
Of his great natural executive ability he man igcd
TO fulHl his duties on time, and to the entire
satisfaction of the most Insignificant horse thief
or embezzler In that region IL was customary
In IN TiH an
The legislature once made an attempt to dis
cover the Joke by aboshlng capital punish-
dience, but the entire BODY Of condemned
prisoners demonstrated So strongly against being
deprived OF pleasure they were looking for
ward to with eacerness that the measure failed.
Tho Hangman became the most popular man
N the state. ne might nave peen Governor or
lar he was man Of large views and had cor
rect understanding Of tho principles OF states
manshp. But he resolutely refused all offers OF
political advancement wisely affirming that II
he entered public life some Washington CORE.
spondent might worm his Joke out Of him and
thus rob him Of his greatest opportunity for
II. MR.. GRAMS FRIENDS.
Mr.. Xenophon Cram lived In one Of the most
nourshing cities Of New Jersey, where he car
ried on the manufacture OF Grams Patent Elsily
Adjustable Telescope Bustles for the New York
market. This business yielded Mr.. Cram large
income. lie was good citizen. well TO do, not
bad looking, aud s,ill tnleraoly young.
But in an unfortunate hour hr. Cram became
enamored Of a lady living near by, whose fair
and era 'efui form. set OF TO advaut ge as II was
by one of his own Patent Easily Adjustable Tel
escopics, completely won his heart, lie pressed
his suit. which, for the sufficient reason that the
lady already had two husbands living was kind
ly hut firmly declined
81 can respect you for your hustles sake, Mr.
Cram" she said. but | have no heart to give.
MIR. Cram, thus crossed in love, thereupon tell
into state Of profound and apps r. nifty hopeless
gloom. He brooded and bruoded over his mis-
bustles and In the world generally. and took
such sonbre view OF life that his friends really
became alarmed for his sanity.
they tricd In every way To shake the confirmed
melancholy OF the unhsppy Cram. They in
provoking conceits and discharged them In his
presence, but all IN vain. Their efforts disgust
ted instead OF cheering him; and deeper
gloom settled on his fine features after each Of
their we'll meant attempts.
hey gave him amusing books TO read and
took him to hear humorous lectures and divert
ing plays. But all to no purpose. Punch might
have been fast day proclaim ltlon so far AS It's
effect on him was concerned. -om Hood ana
Douglas Jcfruld only added to MS gloom. and he
wept over eyery page of lnuocents Abroad"
lie even read rarson Newman book Of Asatic
travel without n smile.
Finally tuey Induced him to subscribe to the
PM ,te'p Lrdlcr. t9ey watched MIN with
uary column. a. q when he had lrrused with
uumoycd muscles the finest OF enuslons Of
Washington Guilds 4. NJ, Trey Knew indeed
that his melancholy was incura6le.
Such had been the sad condition Of Mr..
Xeuophon Cram for nearly three years when
the fame Of the Ilangman's Joke reached tue
Being men Oh quick decision and prompt
action, they started WITH their unfortt nate
charge on the mex ram flr the West. - II TINS
man can m ke even thr galiuws cheerful" they
re soned, " he can certainly bring a smilo o. the
face Of Nenorh1u Cram. And II Neuophon
Cram smiles once he Is saved"
uL-MR CRAM LEARNS rHE JOKE.
when The eSucdton IN search OF mlrth
lauur- they rea lied something int had NOT uc-
CURED t. them before. In ORDER To so- Mr..
be hanged. A this would hc killing their ra-
tent in order t. cure MIN, tlne dilemma caused
them 10 pause ana tuink, aud plot aud plan.
Nei her the most liueral uG,r- Of rev ard nor
the assurance that the joke should never 20 be-
yond Mr.. Cram would induce the Hangman to
impirt II under ANY other tnau the usual clrcuu-
stances
Tne New jersey gentlemen therefore deter
mined t. become Possessed Of the mysterious
Joke by fODl means IT not 10y fair. They con-
trived n scheme which should cheat both t.e
Hangnau and the CallOws. and at the sane time
set MIR. Cram ON Ms cnecrful leg az ia.
They put up little Job, by which T. appeared
that their melancnoh friend md committed
crime. what matters ~ what the Ch re was
what matters II whether he WAS accused OF
stealing mule. OF breaking into a faro bank, or
Of shooting a justice ~ the peace? For the sake
OF his many respectable connections still living
In New Jersey, we r,train from going into par
crime, was arrested, tried, convicted, anu sen
Then thev collected evidence plainly proving
that the uni rtunatC Cram WIS innocent. They
Ali their new eyldcnce before Judge, and OBJ
tanned an order for another IN |. Ihey Id this
Otuef beloIc Nue OoNSIuoIi auu ODtdlued "A re-
preSe.
TINS repriovc, however, in accordance with
their crhftuy arranged programme, Ms t. bc
withheld until the li-t nj, mcnt. just after he
hanguan had told Cram his Joke, and before he
had dropped he tr q, a trusty messenger wa to
RUIN IN with the document, and prevent the
Sheriff FROM proceeding upon the death war
rant.
The trusty messenger was stationed close by
the prison yard, and everything WAS tuned with
great eXactitude. Delays are sometimes fatal
Cram marched TO the gallows with firm STEP
His chronic melhnchol'a seemed In no way
affected 10y his prospects. The sheriff adjusted
the knot. Cram sighed, but he was thinking of
MIR. Crams friends, who had front Sc = at the
hanging, watched the proceedings with intense
| anxiety. They saw the iangmrn put MS head
close to Grams ear and whist er for about thirty
seconds. 10 their unspeakable satisfaction
| they saw smile OVerspread the features that
| had known no relaxation for three years. A
| FAINT smile a first, then hearty smile, then u
broad grin, and then peal after peal OF irreures-
| stole laughter. hank heaven The spell Of
| gloom was broken. their work had been done.
| All was welll
| That il, all would have heen well had not the
| trusty messenger, who was Young man accus-
| toned to figuring things down to the shortest
margin, stopped outside TO take one more glass
| OF beer He drank his beer, and II was verv
| good; but the consequence was that he arrived
| In the prison yard with the Governors reprteve
| At In time to see the body OF XenOphon Cram
| Hau0linp N the air. with "A broad smila anil