The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-12-30
SMITHS WOE.
BY MAX ADELER.

He was tall and slender, and clad in the
! habiliments of woe. He entered the office,
and took a chair. Removing his hat, he
wiped the moisture from his eyes, rubbed
his nose thoughtfully for moment, put
his handkerchief in his hat, upon the
floor, and said
| " GU didn't know Mrs. Smith ~
81 hadn't that pleasure. Who was she >"
She was my wife. She's been sick
some time. But day before yesterday she
was took worse, and she KEEP on sinking
until evening, when she gave a kinder sud
den jump a couple of times, and then her
spirit tickered Dead, you know. Passed
away into another world"
| "1m very sorry"
$50 am |. And | called around to see
/ if | couldn't get some of you literary peo-
/ pie to saw out some kind of poem, de-
scribing her peculiaIities, SO that l can
advertise her in the paper"
81 dunno; maybe we might"
so, you didn't know her, you say >
! Well, she was a sing lar kinder woman.
Her strong characteristics. Her nose was the
crookedest in the State; all bent around
sideways. Old Captain Binder used to say
that it looked like the jib- sail of an oyster
sloop on the windward tack. Only his
fun, you know. But Helen never minded
it. She said herself that it aimed so much
around the corner that whenever she
sneezed she blew down her back hair. There
were rich depths of humor in that woman.
! Now | don't mind if you work into the
poem some picturesque alusion to the
condition of her nose, so her friends will
recognize her. And you might also spend
verse or two on her lame eye
What was the matter with her eye %
"Gone, sir, gone. Knocked out with
chip while she was splitting kin'ling wood
when she was IA child. She fixed it up
somehow with glass one, and it gave her
the oldest expression you ever saw. The
false one would stand perfectly still
while the other was rolling around, so that
bout half the time you couldn't tell
whether she was studying astronomy or
watching the hired girl pare potatoes
And she lay there at night, with the indis-
| posed eye wide open, glaring at me, while
the other was tight shut, SO that sometimes
| I'd get the horrors, and kick her and
shake her to make her get up and fix it.
Once got some mucilage and glued the lid
down myself, but she didn't like it when
she woke in the morning. Had to soak
her eye in warm water, you know, to get
it open. Now | reckon you could run in
some language about her eccentrcties of
vision, couldn't you? Don't care what it
is, so that have the main facts?
WAS she peculiar n other respects %
well, yes. One leg was gone-run
over by a wagon when she was little. But
she wore patient leg that did her pretty
we'll. Bothered her sometimes, but m ost
generally gave her good deal of comfort.
She was fond of machinery. And then,
you know, she could take it off at night
and stand it on the hat-rack in the entry,
and 90 to bed with only one cold foot.
She was very grateful for her privileges.
Although sometimes it worried her, too.
The springs'd work wrong now and then;
and maybe in church her leg'd give squirt
and begin to kick and hammer away at the
board in front of the pew, until it sounded
like boiler factory. Then I'd carry her
out, and most likely it'd kick at me all the
way down the aisle, and end up by dancing
her around the vestibule, until the sexton
would rebuke her for watzing in church.
Seems to me there's material for poetry in
that, isn't there She was self wiled
woman. Often when she wanted to 90 to
a sewing bee or to CAD about somewhere,
maybe I'd stuff that leg up the chimney,
or hide it in the woodpile. And when l
wouldn't tell her where it was, do you
know what she'd do?"
"What9'
| "Why, she'd lash an umbrella to her
stump and drift off down the streets if
that umbrella was born there. You
couldn't get ahead of her. She was in
genous. I've known her, when the baby
was playing with the potato masher, to
unbuckle that leg and use it for MASKING
take it by the knee, and work the Joint
backward and forward splendidly. So
thought I'd mention a few facts to you
and you can just throw 'em together and
make them rhyme, and I'll call round and
pay you for them. What day? Thursday .
Very we'll; I'll run in on Tuesday, and see
how you We fixed her up"
Then Mr. Smith smoothed up his hat
with his handkerchief, wiped the accumu-
lated sorrow from his eyes, placed his hat
upon his head, and sailed serenely out and
down the stairs towards his desolated
hearthStone.