Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-11-06
SMITHS WOE.
BY MAX ADELER.

He was tall and slender, and clad in
the habiliments of woe. He entered the
Office and took chair. Removing his
hat. he wiped the moisture from his eyes,
rubbed his nose thoughtfnlly for mo-
ment, put his handkerchief in his hat,
his hat upon the floor. and said
"You didn't know Mrs. Smith p
81 hadn't that pleasure. Who was
she?"
.'She was my wife. She's been sick
some time. But day before yesterday
she was took worse, and she KEEP on
sinking until evening. when she gave a
kinder sudden jump couple Of times,
and then her spirit fickered. Dead. you
know. Passed away into another world"
I'm very sorry"
80 am |. And / called around to
see ii | couldn't get some of you literary
people to saw out some kind of poem,
describing her peeularltIes, so that L
can advertise her in the paper.
Il dunno maybe we might"
''Oh. you didn't know her. ysu say ?
Well, she was sing'lar kinder woman.
Had strong characteristics. Her nose
was the crookedest in the State-all bent
around sideways. Old Capt. Binder used
to say that it looked like tie jib-sail of
an oyster slOOp on the windward tack.
Only his fun, you know. But Helen
never minded it. She said herself that
it aimed so much around the corner that
whenever she sneezed she blew down her
back hair. There were rich depths Of
humor in that woman. Now | don't
mind if you work into the poem some
picturesque allusion to the condition Of
her nose, so her friends will recognize
her. And you might also spend verse
or two on her lame eye"
4 w AdS WdS uAdtICA Will
"Gone, sir, gone Knocked out with
chip while she was splitting kin'liDg
wood when she was child. She fixed
it up somehow with glass one, and it
gave her the oldest expression you ever
saw. The false one would stand perfect
ly still while the other one was rolling
around, 50 that bout half the time you
couldn't tell whether she was studying
astronomy or watching the hired girl
pare potatoes. And she lay there at
night. with the indisposed eye wide open,
glaring at me, while the other was tight
shut, SO that sometimes I'd get the bor-
rors, and kick her and shake her TO make
her get up and fx it. Once | got some
mucilage and glued the lid down myself,
but she didn't like it when she woke in
the morning. Had to soak her eye il
warm water, you know. to get it open.
Now / reckon you could run in some
language about her eceentncities Of Wis
ion. couldn't you? Don't care what i
il, 50 that / have the main facts"
"Was she peculiar in other respects 2
well, yes. One leg was gone-rur
over by wagon when she was little
But she wore patent leg that did be
pretty well. Bothered her sometimes
but most generally gave her good dea
Of comfort She was fond Of machinery
And then. you know. she could take ]
Of at night and stand it on the hat-rael
in the entry, and 20 70 bed with onl.
one cold foot. She was very gratefu
for her privileges. Although sometime
It worried her. too. The springsd worl
wrong Bow and then; and maybe i
church her leg'd give spurt and begil
70 kick and hammer away Al the boar
in front Of the pew. until il soande
: like boiler factory. Then I'D carr
/; her cut, aud most likely it'd kick At n
} all the way down the aisle. and end y
/ By dancing beF around the sestsbsle ~
T Ill the sexton weuld rebuke her fe
waltzing in church. Seems 70 Eae there