The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-09-29

HE nations tear-Ihe frontier.
A BARE assertion is not necessarily the
naked truth.
SPORTSMAN That's tough old fell
low, Jemmy2" Keeper" Aye, sir,
grand bird to send to your freens. -
Punch.
A MAN who had been married twice
to ladies both named Catherine, nd
vised his friend against taking duph-
kates.
An experienced boy says he regards
hunger and the schoolmester's rattan as
about the same thing, as they both make
him holler.
IT pleases woman to see man hold
ing plate of refreshments on his knee
at party. He can't do it without turn
ing in his toes.
WHEN a woman throws brick-bat the
great problem seems to be, not how to
hit the mark, but how to avoid knock
ing her brains out with her elbow.
"WHAT do you propose to take for
your cold2" said a lady to a sneezing
gentleman. "Oh, I'll sell it very
cheap won't higgle about the price
at ALL"
A PIECE of window-glass has been
taken out of man up in Vermont.
Pane in his stomach, probably
Graphic. Or possibly glass too
much.-BoSton Post.
IRISH drill-sergeant Ito squad OF
militiamen)-"P r's'nt Rims & Aston
ishing result)-" Hiv'ns what a 'pri-
sent - Just slip out here new, an look
at yersilves Punch ,.....
"THE blessed man that preached for
us last Sunday" said Mrs. Darlington,
"servcd the Lord for thirty years--first
as circus rider, then a locust preacher,
and last as al exhauster."
"OH my dear, how came you to be
so wet ?" inquired an affectionate mother
of her son. "Why, ma, one of the boys
said 1 daren't Jump into the creek, and,
tell you, I amt to be dared !"
A sAGAcIoUs countryman, having been
asked by stupid minister why he
roamed about the fields on Sundays IN
stead of going to church, replied: :" Be-
cause / prefer sermons from stones to
sermons from sticks"
A LITTLE boy, years old, and a lit
tie girl, 8, were looking at the clouds
| one beautiful summer evening, watch
ing their fantastic shapes, when the boy
exclaimed, "Oh, Minnie, see dog
in the skyv" "Well, Willie," re-
piled the sister, "it must be sky ter
rfe7."
HANDSOME is that handsome does"
quoted Chicago man to his wife the
other day. Yes," replied she, in a
winning tone, rs she held out her hand,
"for instance, husband who is always
ready to handsome money to his wife. !"
The moralizer YVES cornered, and this is
why the wife appeared in new bonnet
the next day.
TOMMY is fond of sugar, and asks his
mother for some to eat with his straw
berries. She refuses. He appears re-
signed, but adds gravely: You know,
mamma, what happened round the cor
Aer2 There was little boy, and his
mother would not give him any sugar on
his strawberries, and =" "And-2"
"And next day he fell into WELL"
A FEW days ago stranger to one Of
our hotels asked for q napkin at dinner.
The landlord refused to give him one.
But" said the guest, " that man at
the other table has one." ".Fhat man is
O. regular boarder, and has just got back
from the Centennial, and have to PAN
der to him for day or so; but it won't
lie long before he will be wiping his
mouth on the table-cloth and cleaning
his nails with a fork, like the rest of the
gentlemen. No, stranger, we don't al
low any style here as regular thing,
but we can't help ourselves sometimes
San A',t0Wio Herald.
"I KNowzD it. Dad said so; mar.
too; them burned skunks got my wallet.
My tickets gone, tool Jerusalem
blazes, what'n dot" were the ejacula-
tons sent forth by an overgrown coun-
tryman at the Exposition last evening.
Eyeing the bystandeys savagely he start
ed for a policeman, when, all of sud-
den, he stopped as If shot, and clapped
his hand on the rear part of his trousers,
exclaining: "Well, I'll be eternally
hornswsggled if / haint got on them
pants with that new-fangled pocket be-
hind" and he slid off TO the nearest pea
nut stand, where he soon forgot his
fright Chicago Journal.