Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1876-11-10
VARIETY AND HUMOR.

N N'siA'' navy stltNthtu DuiIlt
Nature. Ihey come on nearly every
night.
Words, of diving cannibal.
"Write me down as one who loved his
fellow men,
-Odes to refractory stovepipe el-
bows are now i'll order. They are war
ranted to SCOT.
Cats, according to Elder Evans.
the distinguished Shaker, are medi-
ums of evil spirits.
w hen man attains the age of
ninety, he may be termed XCdingly
old.-N. Y. Commercial Adreytiser.
The Black Hills miners are doing
a big banking business these days
banking up their log huts for winter
William J. Lewis, of New York,
is about to break his neck. That is
to say, he has invented a flying ma
chine.
The mercury registered III in the
shade at SAN Gabriel, Los Angeles
County, Sept. %. 1t was the hottest
day ever known there.
"A tall man having rallied a friend
on the shortness of his legs, the friend
replied: My legs reach the ground
what more can yours doy'
-"Why we Cough is the title of
paragraph now going therounds. For
the same reason, we suppose, that we
sneeze or laugh-because we can't help
ourselves. ". Y. Commercial ADDER
ttser.
We can't understand why it is that
a married man can't go into store to
buy new rolling-pin without blush
ing to the tips OF his ears, if anybody
happens to giggle when he prefers his
request. BufHngton Hatok- Eye.
The times are hard, my dear"
said man to his better half, land /
find it difficult to keep my nose above
water "You could easily keep your
nose above water" returned the lady,
"if you didn't keep it 50 often above
brandy"
Every once in while we meet a
citizen who boasts that he is self
made man, and we cannot help think
ing how much better job it would have
been if he had let the contract to a
more thorough and practical mechanic.
-EIchange.
An lrishman who wanted
divorce from his wife, who had de-
serted him on account of his poverty,
was asked by his lawyer if it was a
case of incompatibilty. mo" said
Pat; /" it was case of want of income
Pat-abilty.
Mrs. John Jacob Astor's cottage
at Newport, was recently entered by
burglars and robbed of several thou
sand dollars worth of iewelry. They
took all she had. Coming, as it does,
on the verge of hard winter, the loss
Is all the more keenly felt. -Ddnbu7y
NeaoS.
-" What do You think of this 81
said Billy, as he tenderly stroked the
shadowy down which fingered on his
upper lip. Bates hesitated moment.
thinking how he could answer truth
fully and not hurt the young mans
feelings. and finally said: 81 think it
is a fuzz-rate mustache." ~. o. Re
publican.
-" 1t is said that hen held up by
one leg will not squawk half as much
as when both legs are grasped."
Thanksgiving Day is only a short time
hence, and persons who are accustomed
to purchasing their poultry ut night, a
few hours after the owner of the
fowls has retired, will do well to cut
this out and paste it in their hats.
NoyvistO1On Herald.
This tramp was not the one who
went over the country writing beauti-
full notices for cold victuals. He ar
rived at town in Pennsylvania the
other day, and seeking out the Mayor,
sadly handed him paper, which
stated that he was a fraud of the first
water and that he froZe his ears off
last winter while drunk. The Mayor
helped him. lie kindly gave him
home at the public expense.
When the people of Newport. II.
L., were made happy by Mr.. Norman's
offer to construct water-works for that
city, upon certain terms mentioned,
which include some possibilities of re-
Enumeration for the outlay of money, il
grateful feeling was quick to propose
some testimonial in honor Of the bene-
factor A gentleman proposed it
should be asculptured work represent
ing Moses shifting the rock in the will
derness and the water gushing forth.
"Oh nor said Miss NJ, of Boston.
" Rather it should be Pharaoh's daugh-
ter drawing a little prophet (proiiD
from the water
The nervous old lady is the dead
lest foe of the conductor of the street
car. She stands upon the sidewalk
with bandbox in one hand, while
with the other she brandishes bulgy
umbrella at the driver as signal fol-