Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1876-12-16
LOCALS PROM NEW Providence.
srARrL1Na ANNouNcEMENr.

STARTLING ANNOUNCEMENT.
Harry Joseph married. One of the
most quiet. genteel young men residing
in our village is Harry Joseph. Toilet
as tidy as if prepared by woman's ten
der hands. Manner as elegant and
refined as if educated in GAINESVILLE
Female Academy. The wonder has
been that such a man should go
through the world without rib. y
At last the public mind has been re-
lieved. He is married to -, one of
the tidiest dry good stores in the
South.
TIMELY WARNING.
When our friends who tarry long
at the wine visit the local option
regions, they should go provided
against emergencies. No propelling
power in an engine without fuel.
A POINT WELL TAKEN.
Our Sunday schools have at last
seen the point. Hours Methodist
Church, 8 a. m; Baptist, 3 p. m. Let
all the people say Amen There
should be no strife unless it be to
excel in unity and fraternity.
WHO is SHE?
Hoffman the notorious. Hoffman
the mysterious. Who is he, she, or
it? When our friend Riley gets to be
the husband of one wife, and the
father of numerous Rileys, he will
change the character of his locals -
that is if he has any fellow feeling,
for body. But to the subject. Who
is that circulating medium of
doubtful gender? Will Brother Dun
can and Dick Ellis rise and ex-
plain.
RATHER SEW ERE.
1t has come to pass in these provi-
Dental times that body can't tickle
the girls under the chin with feather
or write on the fly leaf of hymn book
and hand it around to their neighbor,
without getting a blizzard from the
pulpit. The pious folks have, some
how, got the idea that well raised |
gentleman or lady will go into church |
and demean themselves with deeorum
and devotion; and after all it may be
right.
SUICIDE
Death from any cause is appalling. |
But, when a man with his own hand |
lets out the crimson tide of life a COM
munity stands awe struck. Providence
stands with drawn dagger to shed her
own hearts blood. Though eligible
to a large agricultural section, the
dagger has been directed at her main
arteries. They will be warded off by
far-seeing, enterprising men. The
career and success of the lamented
Pettus will not be lost upon our
young business men. If Providence
dies then write suicide upon her
tomb.
SPRINGFIELD RECORD.
That Springfield Record man gets
after our preacher in charge" but
we don't intend to have it that way.
They got him into that Jerico region !
a year or two ago. Bruised and man
gled the poor fellow was left out in the
cold, weltering in his own blood. No
good Samaritan, healing ointment or
comfortable inn. While live news
paper men are giving to the world to-
day the transactions of Returning
Boards last night. he is digging up
old scrapes that occurred last Sum-
mer. He seems to be now where our
preacher in charge" was when the
gas went out-in the dark,
"Will you come into my parlor,
Said the spider to the fly"
WEST THE WIT.
At district conference held here
some years ago question concerning
Sunday-schools was under cOnsidera-
ton. A reverend brother now at the
head of one of the best female schools
in the South, and not a thousand
miles from the city of GAINESVILLE,
took the floor. In the course of his
remarks he said Passing Maj.
Henry's beautiful woodlawn this
morning beheld an old, rugged, un-
slightly oak, rotten here, crooked
there, and it called to my mind this
beautiful stanza
"a pebble on the streamlet scant
Has changed the course OF many a river:
A dew drop on the baby plant
Has warped the giant oak forever
DR.. West replied. He said he ad-
mired the speech very much and that
the poetry was grand but that he had
been passing Maj. Henry's woodlawn
for twenty five years, and if there was
an oak in the enclosure he couldn't
see it."
20 WILLIE WE HAVE MISSED YOU"
Among the many removals from our
village none is lamented more than
the removal of Billy Dority, the
assistant cashier of the franklin Bank.
A born gentleman, the architect of
his own fortune, the soul of honor, an
example to young men, and as loveable
as a woman, he has transferred his
possessions to larksville-heart ex-
cepted.
POST OFFICE.
Two candidates, each crazy for one
vote, aided by cub, are bowling and
tipping their hats at the post Office
They seem determined not to be
counted out" New goods, fresh
groceries, Hayesed and Wheelered
down to bottom prices, together with
two hearts painting for companionship,
are on the market.