Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-06-07
HUMOROUS.

day to see Lord Brougham. That emf
nent Briton received our Daniel with
such GOODNESS that he was glad to get
away and back to his rooms. The friend
who had taken him at once returned to
Lord Brougham in haste and anger.
"My lord, how could you behave with
such unseemly rudeness and discourtesy
to so great lawyer and statesman? 1t
was insulting to him, and has filed me
with modification"
'sWhy. what on earth have l done,
and whom have l been rude to?"
''To Daniel Webster, Of the Senate Of
the United States"
''Great Jupiter, what q blunder! l
thought it was that fellow Webster who
made a dictionary and nearly ruined
the English language"
Then the great Chancellor quickly
hunted up the American Senator, and
having other tastes in common besides
law and politics, they made a royal
night Of it.-Hdrper's Magazine.
Kinks AND DSPELLING-BEEs.-Th SPELL
ing-bee mania has spread over all Eng
land, and attacked London with especial
virulence. 1t is related that young,
handsome, and healthy-looking country
young lady, delighted with London,
informed hstless, lisping young man
of fashion recently that she really dotted
on the rink (another London rage), and
thought the spelling-bee capital fun.
"Weally, weally," he responded, eie-
waiting his eyebrows. Then, after
moments consideration, he added,
"Both vewy dangerous things, you
know, vewy."
Dangerous! Oh, l don't mind a
fall in the rink, or laugh at my bad
spelling"
"Ah, yas, yas; thay this to coun-
try young lady, becautne, you thee, II
is country danger"
'Indeed, how Is that?"
"Yas, vas, country, because the wink
and the-er-the pelling pee are only
exemplificashons of the-er-fOOt-and-
mouth ditheathe. ."-Haper's Magazine.
A LONG EEL.-When Mathews the
elder, was a boy, and lived with his
father, a bookseller in the Strand, a
short muscular fellow daily cried eels
with a cultural voice-''three-pence a
pound e-e-e-e-e-e. els" elongating the
word from Craven street to Hungerford
street, till people used to say, "What a
long cell" Mathews, having initiated
him to the great satisfaction OF many
auditors, one day looked out for the
original, and saluted him with the imi-
tatiOn; but he had no taste for such in
genuity, and placing his eel-basket de-
Iiberately on the ground, he hunted the
boy into his fathers shop, and felled
him with heavy blow. Next time, "
said the eel-vendor, "as you twist your
little wry mouth about, and cuts your
mugs at a respectable tradesman. I'll
skin you like an e-e-" and snatching
up his basket finished the monOsyllable
about nine doors off.
A DANBURY MAN carried home four
quarts of soft-shell clans in an Overcoat
pocket. In the same pocket was hand
full of loose tobacco. The sOft-shell
clans had often heard of the weed, of
course, but this was the first sample
they had seen, and by the time the man
reached home, each clam had nice
quid comfortably rolled under its
tongue. The clans were opened and
cooked, without the family noticing the
filthy habit they had got into. They
eaten. The Danbury man Is now con-
vinced that he must either find some
thing other than pocket to carry clans
home in, or get wider back-door.
A MEMBER of Parliament, well known
for his ready and unfailing humor, had
lately to undergoa serious operation fOr
an abscess in the leg. 1t was at one
time feared, but we are glad TO say
without cause, that amputation of the
limb would be necessary. Just as the
operation was about to begin, the honor
able member quietly remarked to the
surgeon :-''Remember that if you cut
off my leg can't stand for the city any
more. "But," he added, after pause,
as if for consideration, "after all shall
be able to stump the county,"
The Chicago Tribune says: A doctor
on West Adams street saved young
woman's life two months ago. When
he brought round his bill the grateful
father replied: "Take her, doctor; she
is yours; her heart beats only for you
Me and the old woman will come and
live with you by and by" The son OF
Ksculapius said he wasn't that sort of a
man; that he couldn't afford it; that
seeing it was him, he would take sG6
''Sixty-six dollars" screamed the piOu:
father; "why, could have buried her
for half the money!"
OLD Boggs was toasting his shins in
front of the fire last night and reading
the paper, when he suddenly grunted
out: = Thunder! Court again this
week" ''Not unless Willie gets bach
from the city," RESPONDED Angelina
whose tender conscience appropriate
the remark to herself.
A GRUMBLING car-driver said to pas
senger' "You always want me to stop
when you get off," ''No, sir" said the
passenger, who had no jumping notions
81 don't care what you do. only wani
the car to stop. You can go on.
"WILL this pipe smoke free?" asked
a gentleman who was purchasing q
pipe. ''Of course it will, If you can get
your tobacco for nothing" was the
reply.
WHY was Samson the greatest actor
the world has ever seen? Because al
his first and only performance ht
brought down the house.
AFTER all sed and done (says j. B.,
if thare wasn't anything but lambs in
this world, life and mutton would be {
crate drug.
"BIG long legged man don't always
sometimes get ahead of little boy" j:
Chinese for "the race Is not always tt
the swift"
BETTER than door plate with man,
name on it, says Scotchman, is din
ner plate with a mans dinner on 1t.
The man who popped the question by
starlight got his sweetheart's consent
in twinkling, says an exchange.
"I DON'T like winter" said one pick
pocket to an another; Everybody ha:
his hands in his pockets"
WHY is a store that don't advertise
like Enoch Arden? Because it ''see