Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-09-29
II y II 0 e.

Club for Editors.-s'Tommy my son,
what are you going to do with that club?''
s'Send it to the editor, Of course" ''But
what are you going to send it to the editor
for?" ''Cause he says if anybody will send
him club, he will send them copy of his
paper" The mother came near fainting,
but recovered herself sufficiently to ask,
'sBut, Tommy, dear, what do you suppose
he wants with club?'' 'tWell, don't
know" replied the ulchin, ssunless it is to
knock down subscribers as don't pay for
their papers. I suppose there are plenty
of such mean people" That boy stands a
chance for the Presidency, if he lives.
A boy who had stolen some apples was
forgiven for the rather ingenious manner
ia which he excused himself. Thusly:
The school master asking him what
he had to say for himfelt, the urchin re-
piled: "The apples were Toms don't
know how he got them and now they're
mine, and he don't know how I got them.
MI. Buckle says that history repeats it.
self We presume he refers to the fact
the waist places, and that the same pleas
ing custom of doing it with the left arm
on the front stoop evenings, after the old
gentleman has gone to the Lodge, is pop
ular now.
A rural female beauty alighted from the
stage coach the other day, when piece of
ribbon detached itself from her bonnet and
fell into the bottom Of the carriage. "You
have left your bow behind,' said a lady
passenger. mo, amt; he's gone a-fsh-
ing" innocently replied rustic.
This is the season of the year when the
boarding house ledger has access offspring
chicken" and when the muscles Of his
jaw are as tired as if he had been hanging
out of the window all night by the teeth.
The tramp who strayed into farmers
premises and tried to make off with a
cheese came out with black eye, ac-
knoWledging that he had been rather
dairylicked in the pursuit of his duties.
A Western girl visited m usic store and
asked for s'The Heart Boiled Down with
Grease and Care" and "When 1 Swallow
ed Homemade Pies.' The clerk at once
recognized what she desired.
An editor, quoting DR.. Hall's advice to
sseat regularly, not over three times day,
and nothing between MEALS" adds:
''Tramps will do well to cut this out and
put it IN their bank books"
It is not believed that there is an artist
in the world who can catch the expression
of woman s face, as she puts her nose
into the milk-jug, and finds that the thun-
der has soured the contents.
a Connecticut school-marm, who was
recently kissed in the dark by mistake, ex-
planned her omission to use any light for
nearly two weeks afterwards, on the ground
of hard times.
Hope is said to be brightest when it
dawns from fears. This is a very beauti-
full thought, but it seldom occurs to man
who has just got up off his wife's new hat.
All Jams is the name Of Chinaman in
Nevada. He is addicted to the flowing
bowl, and some days it is impossible to
recognize him from his brother jim Jams.
Mrs. Stowe says we never know how
much we love until we try to unlove. To a
man who has tried to quit smoking this
needs no argument. Yonkers Gazette.
Marriage is promotion,;' says George
Eliot. Ii the eyes OF such a reasoner a
man with his third wife would doubtless
pass for brigadier general.
Nearly every man tells his wife there is
is another man in town who closely resem- |
bles him, ank who is frequently seen CONF
ing out of saloons.
A young poet of the realistic school
writes 'sTime marches On with the slow,
measured tread of man working by the ]
day"
aYou want nothing, do you ?" said Pat. |
ssBedad, an if it's nothing ye want, yell |
find it in the jug, where the whiskey was"
Awkward Ornamental well-moulded |
arm is prettier without bracelets besides,
they are liable to scratch fellows ear.
IA prudent man, says witty French
man, lis like pin; his head prevents him |