davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
BY TELEGRAPH,

The meagreness and incompleteness of our
telegraphic report are accounted for by the fact
that the wires between this city and Boston
were broken down by the storm SO that no des-
patches from the West were received last night.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
MARINE NEWS.
Steamer Collision.
20 PERSONS DROWNED.

ATHENS, April 4.-The steamer Agrigenti,
from the Preacus for Italian ports collided
with the English steamer Hylton Castle, off
Cape Melea to-day. The Agrigenti immediate
ly sank, and of GA persons on board, 9 of the
crew and 20 passengers were drowned.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
Murder and Suicide,

ST.. LOUIS, April 4.-Thomas Tracy, near
Gainesville, ILL.,. shot his wife last night, killed
his daughter, six years old, with the butt end
er knife.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
SPECIAL NOTICES.

Please tell the people that you saw their
Advertisement in the PRESS the circula
ton of which, per month, exceed zoe, 900,
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

LONGEST SPEECH ON RECoRD.-The longest
speech on record is believed to have been that
made by Mr.. De Cosmos in the legislature of
British Columbia, when measure was pend
ing whose passage would take from q great
many settlers their lands. De Cosmos was In a
hopeless minority. The job had been held
back till the eve of the close of the session un-
less legislation was taken before noon of Civ
en- day, the act of confscation would fall The
day before the expiration of the limitation, De
Cosmos got the floor about 10 a. m, and began
a speech against the BILL Its friends cared
little, for they supposed that by or o'clock
he would be through, and the bill could be put
on its passage. One o'clock came, and De Co.'S
mos was speaking still-hadn't more than en-
tered upon his his subject. Two o'clock he was
he produced fearful bundle of evidence, and
insisted on reading it. The majority began to
have suspicion of the truth-he was going to
speak till next noon and kill the bill. For q
while they made merry over it, but, as it came
on to dusk. they began to get alarmed. They
tried interruptions, but soon abandoned them,
because each one afforded him chance to d.
gress and gain time.
They tried to shout him down, but that gave
him breathing space, and, finally. they settled
down to watch the combat between strength of
mercy. No adjournment for dinner; no chance
to do more than wet his lips with water; no
wandering from his subject; no sitting down.
Twilight darkened; the gas was lit; members
slipped out to diuner in relays, and returned
to sleep in squads, but De Cosmos went on
The speaker, 10 whom be was addressing him
self, was alternately doing. snoring and try
ing to look wide awake. Day dawned, and the
majority slipped out in squads to wash and
breakfast, and the speaker still held on. It
can't be said il was a very 1ooica1 alouuapt or
sustained speech. There were digressions it
it, repetitons also. But still the speaker kepn
on, and, at last noon came to baffied ms
jority, livid with rage and impotence, and
single man, who was triumphant, though his
voice had sunk 10 husky whisper, his eyes
shot, his legs tottered under him, and his baked
lips were cracked and smeared with blood.
De Cosmos had spoken 26 hours and saved the
settlers their lands
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

The cotton mills of Georgia and South Caro-
lima pay from Is to 20 per cent. on invested
capital, which is better than cotton planting or
sugar growing.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
SPECIAL NOTICES.
SPECIAL NOTICE.

We would call special attention to the Asses
sors' NoIiee, which appears in our columns
io.day with reference TO Taxes, that all persons
sresed may comply with the tenor OF such notice,
arGcurIy tne last clause, with reference to the u.
2: To'erment Bonds, and Deposits in Savings
hard words, when too late anu PO''
Portland, March %, 1876. mao5snd,or1K
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
Gov. Tilden Called Upon to Account far
800 600. AVA

CHICAGO, April Am injunction has been
obtained by the Chicago and Alton Railroad
against L. M. Meyer and Samuel j. Tilden to
force an accounting for money and bonds which
the plaintiff claims are illegally held by Never
and Tilden, amounting to nearly 100000.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

Daily Domestic Rece,p,x.

MATANZAS. Brig E Williams-7I3 hhds G6 tc
molasseo to Geo Hunt & Co.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

$500 Maine State 6's. 10
IL Boston U MAINE 6allioau. .................10
125 Eastern Railroad. /
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

The Annual Meeting of
the Society for the Preven-
ton of Cruelty to Animals
will be held at the rooms of
the Common Council on
Wednesday Evening, April
9Th, at z IL O'Clock. All
interested are invited to at
tend. Per order.
s. e. WARE, Secretary.
Portland, April Sd. apr4&5sn
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
FO IL Il ST TAR.

Almost daily some discovery is announced which
is astonishing alike for its simplicity and its great
value. Such is the invention by which the Forest
Tar Co. are enabled to utilize pure tar as medicine.
Its great healing power has long been recognized but
not much used heretofore, because of the inconven
ience of handling tar in its crude state. Under the
of Forest Tar it is put up in various forms suit
able for taking internally and convenient for outward
application. Ask your druggist for these prepaIa-
tons write the Forest Tar Co.. Portland Me-, for
information. oct15sn9m
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
Ar at Havana list inst, barquo palo Alto ,Jepkin,

Liverpool. ~ ''
Ar at Matanzas 3ist. barque Everett Giey, Lornp.
Liverpool; brig Mary Pennell, Eaton, Alexandria;
sch Clara Rogers, st John, NIB.
Sid 31st, schs Eta 81 Jossie Bunker. for North of
Hatteras; Stephen Bennett. Bennett, do.
Ar at CaIdenas 31st, brig Jeremiah, Ford, NYork ;
sch Carrie M Richardson, do.
Cid at st john NB, 1sJ inst, sch Keystone, Wilder.
Philadelphia with 43 hhds 20 bbls wine and 94T O00
laths.
Ar ath inst, sch Champion, Granville, Portland.
SPOKEN.
Feb u, lat So S, Ion 81 4s W, baroue Harvest
Home, Davis, from Bolivia for GreenOck, (was sup
piled with provisions.
Feb 20, lat 81 IA. Ion 6S o. sch Ida Ella from New
castle tor Halifax, Has been reported missing.l
bon for Cuba.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
FOREIGN PORTS.

Ar at Constantinople Mch 10, ship Zouave. Morse,
Odessa, (and cid for Trapani.l
Sid I'm Liverpool Mch 20. ship Sabine, Ballard for
Key West; 21st, barque Henry Gregg Dyer, for
Havana; ship Bombay, Barter, Key West.
Sid FIN do 81 inst, sch Minna A Reed, Strout, New
Orleans.
Cid 18th, brig Cadet, Anderson, Cardenas.
Sid I'm Milford 18th, ship Puritan, Doane, Qrom
LiverpooD for Calcutta.
Sid I'm Gravesend I'd inst, ship Ellen Munroe,
Hotchkiss. San Francisco.
Sid I'm Dublin LIST inst, barque Carrie Wyman,
Gilkey, Philadelphia.
Ar at Queenstown LIST inst, barque Isaac jackson,
(Feb 24)
Sid I'm Pernambuco Feb %, sch Mary Helen, San
born, Santos.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

The Annual Meeting of the Mercantile Library
Association, will be held at their Rooms. on TUES
DAY EVENING, April 18th, at u o'clock, Polls
open at O'Clock
Also at same time 'Speciap' Meeting will be
held to act on proposed amendment to Article 10.
Per order,
apSsndtd sAM'L B. GRAVES, Rec. sec'y.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
Boston stock Market
A.

BY water conveyance-10OO bush cornmeal to G
W, True g. Co.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
REDER'S
GERMAN SNUFF.

40, For sale everywhere Price only IS cents. SMITH
DOoLIITLE & SMITH, 26 fremont St. Boston
Asen'S ior o's' decIMWSSsn6m
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
MEMORANDA.

Brig Frontier. Baisdell, from Cardenas for NYork,
which put into Key West leaky, has repaired and
proceeded 4th inst.
A dispatch from Key West to Merchants Exchange
states that the brig Maria Wheeler, from Guantana-
mo for Philadelphia. is ashore on Rum Cay and will
be total wreck. Part of cargo saved The vessel
registered 1922 and built in 1858 at st George
Me, where she was mostly owned
Sch Alfred Brabrook. Bunker from Portland fer
New Orleans, was spoken inst. with rudder head
gone. and was making for Bermuda.
Sch Helen Holway. (of Machias) Thompson, from
Cienfuegos for went ashore 9Th inst, eight miles
East OF Fire Island Y. No particulars.
Sch Crafts. Greeley, from Rockand for New
York. put into Edgartown LIST inst with her cargo of
without much damage to vessel or cargo
Cranberry Isles. April Sch Rinaldo, Capt Grover
drove ashore at Seal Cove in the gale Of the 2ls ut
and went to pieces.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
[FRoM MERCHANTS EXCHANGED

Ar at New York 4th. brgs Mary Bartlett Smith,
Sagua; w Messer, Hewett, Matanzas; sch b j
Willard Woodbury.. Trinidad; Allegro, Keller, from
Cientuegos.
Ar at Philadelphia Sd, ship Reunion Baker, Havrs
brig Geo w Chase, Patterson, Cardenas; sch c j
Willard, Wallace, Portland
Cid 4th,, schs Fanny Flint, Warren, and Helen
Hoyt, Portland.
Sid FIN Key West 4th inst. briggs Hiram Abf lib
belts Delaware Breakwater; Frontier, Blaisdell tor
New York.
Ar at New Orleans 4th inst. sch Lady Woodbury.,
Woodbury., Utilla
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05
DEPARTURE OF sTEAmsHTps.
MARINE NEWS
PORT OF PORTLAND.

Tuesday, April A.
ARRIVED.
Brig Edw Williams. Tucker, Matanzas-763 hhds
&c ties molasses to Geo Hunt & Co.
Sch Ralph Howes, Burgess. Port Johnson-coal to
Sch Pbenix, Randall New York for Richmond Me
Sch Majestic. Dodge. Boston.
Sch = M Reed, -, Boston for Kennebec.
Sch Cocheco, Young, Rockland for Boston.
Sch Oasis, Mcdonald, North Haven for New York
Sch Geo M Clark, st George for New York.
Sch Matilda, Orne, Wiscasset for Gloucester.
CLEARED.
Brig Addie Hale, Sheppard, Havana-John D Lord
Sch Summit, (Br Nickerson, Yarmouth, NS-J
Porteous.
Sch Josephine. Pickett. st John, NB-J Porteous.
Sch Nellie Brown, Kelley, Wiscasset, to lead for
New York; Nickerson.
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

1SosAioue auu iudSiudtlFe reporters WHO make
up the press dispatches. And here the great
law of competition asserts itself with peculiar
force. Events that seemed tame and common
place at the time when and the place where
they happened are waited back next day
clothed with such melodramatic drapery that
the very audience which then beheld them I'M.
moved and unimpressed, begins now to wonder
why 1t failed to be thrilled and startled with
situations SO imposing. In the strife to excel
each other in sensational items, these ambi-
tious gentlemen keep the compositors who set
their copy in lively search for capital letters
and exclamation points. Many time while
some disappointed Investigator las been brood
ing modify over the meager results of yester-
days inquisition, the New York morning jour
mails have arrived and he is amazed to learn
from them, that the pursuit he thought so flu.
tile had been crowned with complete success.
However the more clear headed and far see.
ing Democrats in and out of Congress look up.
on these performances with mingled disgust
and apprehension. Experience as well as
common sense has taught them that the max.
ing of charges that cannot be sustained very
soon reacts upon the complainant. Mere clam
or is not indeed very trustworthy dependence
sn.political warfare, but when there is no other
At isn't worth while to weaken it by abortive
efforts to prove propositions which are shown
by every ray of light thrown upon them to be
1allacious and absurd. And it must be con-
ceded that no party in the history of mankind
ever had 30 many and such INSCRIPTIONS allies
An the dissemination of falsehood, as the Dem
ocrats are deriving aid from, at this moment.
The only drawback to their usefulness as ten
ders to that party is that in their zeal to serve
z1they grossly overdo the matter They catch
mp and magnify and circulate every preposter-
Gus rumor, with an avidity which leaves no
doubt of their unfairness and craftsmanship, and
that Is the main reason why they are SO uni
versally discredited. No man in public life il
The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1876-04-05

Nv When neglected, and their bodies are placed
IL horizontal position, leads very often 70 what il
I o OF ten cannot be cured, and You behold yonr
i ioseu one die before your eyes. Mothers ALWAYS
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

no COUNTRY MERCHANTS--Tues
4 April 4th, lS16-We are prepared to sell MI
styles of Staple and Fancy Dry Goods, Notions,
&c, to country dealers cheaper than ever, aud
are willing to be guided by Baltimore quota.
lions. d. +. BRASHEAR,
d. b. doomes. No. l03 King street,
sp4 Alexandris, Virginia.
REEF STEAK TOMATOES are the best
- b7snd. For sale by
6 VIM. RAMSAY,
SpG S. Z. cor. King and st. Asaph sts.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
NEW GOODS! NEW GOODS!
J, M. STEWART

Has just opened q fine stock OF
SPRING GOODS.
Pads for over dresses and the PLAIN goods to
match.
Percales, in great variety.
Prints and Cambrics.
Black Gro. Grain Silks for Sl.50-a fine article.
Australian Grapes, very handsome.
Black French Cashmeres.
Grape Wells and English Grape for trimming.
Single and Double Black Cashmere Shawls.
Plaid and Striped Muslius.
Lonsdae Cambrics
A stock Of superior (Richardson's) lrsh
Linens.
Very beautiful printed Linen Lawns, White
do, Table Napkins of all prices, Hemstitched
Linen Cambria Hsndkerchiefs for ladies and
gentlemen, Gloves and Hosiery.
A large lot Of superior finish Alpacas. These
goods are beautiful blacks and the most ap
proved brands j.
Very fine Black Mobsirs, with all kinds of
Bleachcd Goods, superior Cotton Sheetlngs,
&C., &c. mn II
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
Consumption of Corn In England.

From Mr. w l0QOm nepoIl.i
Mr. r mvner said: The consumption of corn
in England is increasing enormously. 80 much
so that many farmers turn their attention to
raising wheat, and even buy corn from America
or from the Danube for consumption 90 their
own farms to tatten CATTLE for it Is not yet used
tor human food. A very little in Ireland, per-
hans. but not at all in Englaud In Eogland
up to recent years corn was scarcely used at all,
but has Increased 10 consumption much. Inc
Loudop Omnibus Company have about eight
thousand horses, and they have always ted
them on oats, there being preju lice 10 their
favor. but if oats are dear the company pays
no dividend, the consumption ls SO enormous.
Some wears ago they turned their attention to
corn and it answers admirably. 1t saved them
fl6.OOU in one year, because the corn was
cheap, or about $50, 1000. This they saved 10
the single item Of Iced to their horses, but thst
was chiefly 10 American corn and durluK year
wheu it was very low. Coru Is also DOW great
ly used 10 distllliog, starch maklig, aud esre-
cially 10 feeding hogs III coru could oc seot
to Eug little cheaper there Is 90 llnlt 10
the consumption OF it. One reason OF that Is
the change 10 the articles OF 1000 among lnG
EDRuSl DOpuldtlOfl. Lucy w" ooooNO
suppose, three or four times as much ANN u
food as twon,y years ago. The habits OF the
people have changed. For the last ten or
twelve years we sap not afford to pack beet
in Eugund. suppose for fftren years, nor Tor
20 years, can We afford to pack pork, because
the price of the fresh meat is SO large, the pop
ulstiou being large and the country very small,
aud it is difficult to export fresh beet trom
America, but salt provisions can be exported
A large consumption of animal food has created
in Eoglaud au immense demand tor feeding
stutfs especially for corn, which has become
favoritc. l think that 10 England the con-
sumption OF corn is about 5O,OOO,O ,O0O bushels a
year, mere triHe. have no doubt 1t c. ud
be ouadruped ii corn were 10 come down some-
thug in price, for corD is the cheapest feeding
cereal we have. Turpips are cheaper, but do
not answer all the purposes, of course. Ii corn
was cheaper still, it would supersede the barley
and oats, which are used to certain extent.
The following are the shipments OF corn from
Chicago, taken from table furnished Windows
committee by Charles Randolph, ESQ.,, Score.
tary of the Board of Trade Of Chicago:
lu the year 1869, Zl,5ob, ,eOo ousnelS'
:" 1870, l7,777 377
1871, 3S7l6.O30
{. 1919 dT O12 525
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
ROOES .4.yD sT-7TFc.s.Ers
NcwBooks, Magazines, Reviews
DC, DC. &c,
FssENGH's, kS. 95 KING 81.


WHAT TO WEAR AND HOW TO MAKE
IT for the Spring and summer Of 1875, y
Nine. Dem orest..-.............. ............ loc
ILLUSTRATED PUkTtULlU or FASH
IONS for the Spring and Summer OF 10 + o.
HANPElt~ MAGIZlTH !or gril
PETERSON'S MAGAZINE fer 'pril
AklEL'S REPLY 10 the Rev John \. Seiss,
D. d., Of Ph!ladelphs; also Ms reply to the
scient fc geoogst and other learned mnD. in
their attacks on the crcdlblity of the Mos c
account of the creation ard flood ............5c
CARTER QUARTERM AN, by Baker....1
THE SQUlka'S LEGACY, by Cecil hay. &c
COMM THROUGH THE KyE.............75c
PAU5ANIIIS the spartan, BY tn" hit" lord
Ly ytton, 80 Cents bound III cloth, Lord iyt-
ton edition, 81 50, bound in cloth, ,lcb. edi.
ton 81
JVHNATHAN, of Leisure Hour Series. BY
Fraser Jytler......... ...................cl .
DIANA CAREW, b. Mrs furl, ,ter.~.... 30
THE UNSEEN WORLD, b. John Fix,
A. W., LII.
H NTHOkN BLOSSOMS, by Emily Hn~-
THE BLACK Hills, Routes 10 seen, ~ H.
TILE FLAG OF iiISTt ESS, Tie OF the
South Seas By CaDtHin iaync h"i3..... IS
SEA AND SHORE br the ru.aor "l he
"HcuShnld OF Bouvcrle' '..................l -
MIRlAM'S MEMOIRS, by TIE author OF l-e
"Houschol of Bouvego" ......... .......l -
FINE ENGLISH ani FRhNC!i .:TaTIO&
ERY and new styles ot fhPhIE RI rs just
received
NEW BOOKS daily. All tho MAGAZINES
nh 1G GEO. = FRENCH.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
JANUARY, 1876.
John e. Parr0ttt, t
No So King street,

IVEAL 0s''.-''!
ALEXANDRIA, VA.
Dealer in
BLANK BOOKS, WRITING and WRAP
PING PAPER ENVELOPES, fNh>,
PENS, MUC!LAGE, PENHNLp-
ERS, INkoTa ! DS, LEAD md
SLATE PENCILS. SEAL-
ING WAX, &c, &c
Also Engraved Notes, Drafts nnd Sank Checks.
Letter Copying Books, Presses, brushes aud
Ink, Erasing Rubber, Gum Bands >ilcatc
;;ates and Books, or anything else "an,cc IN
the Statitner Department. u wei! hs ri rE
MUSIC, besides FL jUK iANkS-pian or
printed to order PAPER BAG Of MI nds
and sizes, Shipping Tags. ~, a. factory prices.
jim l-tf
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

a. B. Hoomes. d. +. BRASHEAR,
A. Il. Morehead. No. 100 King street.
Alexandria, Va.
UMBRELLAS AND PARASOLS.-We
~ have this day received from the manufsc-
turer on Steel, Paragon and Argis Frames, in
Plain and Twilled Silks, one Of the largest,
most varied and elegant stocks of Umbrellas
and Parasos ever offered in this mar ket The
ladies particularly are invited t.. call and see
them. ID. +. BkASHEAh.
CILKS-We have this day received q lot of
y very beautiful Striped and Checked French
Grey Silks together with full line OF Black
Silks, which we offer at prices corresponding
with the times. :. The ladies will please call and
see them. u. +. BRASdhAh
DRESS GOODS-We are now receiving 8
~ full line of Spring Dress Goods in Pisids
and Popular shades of plain colors, among them
very fine, soft and light weight Berage Serges,
now in great demand. The ladies are lnvltedto
cali snd see them. d. f. BRASHEAR.
TLANNELS-We have this dav- opened
II line Of extra fne silk warp and 81! wool
medium weight and Gauze Flannels, which we
offer at prices TO suit purchasers.
NH 29 D. F. BRASHEAR.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

A LoO b ,sutiful assortment of TAPESTRY I
"A and VELVET MATS and RUGS
ap4 d. F. WlTMER.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
ROOTS .TJyD SROESe
SPRING STYLES
& SHOES.

Is now in receipt Of his stock Of Spring styles OF
LADIES, GENTS,
BOYS and CHTLDRFN'S
BOOTS AND SHOES.
The assortment is we'll selected and cannot be
surpassed in quantity or quality. 1t has bern
purchased at the lowest c sh prices and will be
sold at small advance to suit the times.
A large force OF skilled worklnen constantly
employed. and the finest kind of custom work
made to order upon short notice.
Having served as practical shoemaker fer
a number of years, my long experience ems
bles me to guarantee perfect lit for any shaped
foot.
NH 81 T. PAFF
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

SENATOR BOUTWELL, has not lessoued his
unpopularlty 10 Mass .chusettS bv his partisan
attack upon Senator Bayard. The Boston
Globe lectures him iu this sensible way: Men
Of plaiu com muou sense know that MIR. Bayard,
MIR. Tden, MIR. Thurman, and other Demo
cratic leaders of the North arc DOT enemies OF
the Uuion, aud waud never be allies If any
body plotted against the government; aud
they do not believe that MIR. Gordon, MIR.
Withers aud other Democratic leaders of
the South are conspirators against the lite OF
nation. We have advanced suce 1861. Slavery
is dead aud there is hardly mau OF proml-
neuce, North OF South, who does not rel DICE
ATT There are few who have any motive for
hostility to the Uuiou, and there Is no evidence
that they entertain it. The wild rant of MIR.
Boutwell, was utterly without reason
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

OPENED THIS DAY some very CHEAP
" INGRAM CARPETS.
D.F. WITMER
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07
Humorous.

Scbooltois,res-"J JohnnY, I'm ashamed OF
you When was your age could read as we'll
as | can now." /" Aw, but you'd different
teacher to what we've got.
Whats usee play pokcr?' remarked an
ond-eyed denizeo of Tucson, Nevada, the
other day. Me hold four kings and lace !;
Meicap man hold all same time four iaces and
king; whole week washee gone like wood
blue.
A boy was asked which was the greater evil.
hurting another's feelings or his finger. The
feelings" he said. Right, my dear child, :
said the grati6ed priest; "aud Why is it worse
to hurt the teelipgs?' because you cau't tie
rag round them" exclaimed the child.
"Youog man." said the revivalist, address.
log the swearer, "how hot do you suppose hell
is?" The workman recognized bis questloner,
and placing his arms akimbo, aud looking him
souarely in the face, said, "Well, MIR. Flnney,
| suppose it's 80 hot there that If somebody
brought you spoonful Of III 'Ited iron you d
swear twas ice cream" Mr.. Flnnsy had moth
ing more to say.
After witnessing the other night 10 this city
a play divided iuto FIVE aots the intermisslous
between which he had evidently improved, a
gentleman riding 10 one of the street cars got
to his feet, Strengthened his legs as we'll as ne
could, adjusted his hat, looked up and measured
for an instant the distauc, to the bell strap,
made dive ior it, caught it at the third at
tempt. put his entire weight 90 it, and OF course
rang b,th bells violently. Here here whats S
the matter with yer?'' yelled the conductor.
What arr yer ringing the bell at both ends
for 2" 'B cause, replied the passenger, , with
great contempt, "bec,uso lhc) ! want both
ends OF the (hi,) Car to stop. IN 7. Evening
Post
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-07

pECElVED BY STEAMER . large stock
cheap 1T ID. +. WlTMEKS.