St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1876-10-20
SQuibs.

A sick man in New Orleans was told
10y the doctor that nothing would save
him except quart of catnip tea.
Then | must die" said the poor man,
''foI l don't hold but a pint
Some things" said an excited poll
tician, '.can be foreseen and foretold
and now foresee, and | will now fore
tell, that the day will come when our
liberties will be no more. This is as
certain, my fellow-citizens, and it is as
sure us that Romeo founded Rome"
How nicely they might shoot In-
dians." says the Rochester Democrat,
referring to the rifle teams, ''if they
choose" But the difficulty is, the sense
less aborigineS won't stand still while a
talented marksman measures off exactly
500 yards and winds his legs around
gun barrel.
We are not very realistic in our taste,
nor are we disposed to be hypercriti
cal but we cannot help protesting
that the artist who painted The Find
ing of Noses" now on exhibition at the
Centennial. had no good reason for en-
casing the feet of the infant Moses in q
pair of copper-toed shoes.-N. Y. Trib-
me.
Nothing makes young man SO hap
py as to get around to the post office
after it is closed and see Il letter in his
box to have his heart whisper that it
is from her. to dream sweet and tender
fancieS, hallowed with loves sacred
ness. all night. and to come down in the
morning and find it a bill of 81 so for
his last Years r-clothes.-Norrich
/ BuIIetn.
In Il police court two young men ac-
cused of stealing pie from bakers
shop pleaded that they were hungry.
why didn't you steal bread then 7"
the Judge asked, and the sententious
reply WIS, Liked pie better"
/ John Kelly calls it '.r-refar-um,"
/ George W. Julian calleth it "wefohm,"
/ Lieutenant Hobbs callsit "re-form," the
| Hon. John Morrissey "rufawm." Boss
Tweed. with his Spanish accent, calls it
''rafurme Bill Allen lays back the
! top of his head and calls it "ref-O-O-
oaw-awrm !" and the American people,
with correct appreciation of its ma
ture, call it '.bosh" Burlington Hawk-
eye.
Huxley, my boy you haven't come a
bit too soon, for when we hear of a man
upin Reading. Pennsylvania, being beat
cn ut euchre by ii learned hog, it's about
time to ask whittier are we drifting.
Er.
\ young man applicant for admission
to Cornell University, spilled the ink
all over his examination papers, rubbed
at the blots with his tongue, sucked his
pen clean at the end of every sentence,
l.I h. .,f t,,tI - Ia.
country "gorg Washington" said that
"gullus decius Brutus discovered amer
ica," and that it was at least 679 miles
from the earth to the moon. aud nearly
twice as far to the sun, but when it was
a>ccrtalned that the applicant was Rob-
ipson, the Union Springs, n. T., oaIs-
man, his papers We're marked IDS per
cent, and he went into the sophomore
class Hawkeye.
Mullins is entirety bald, with the ex-
ception of Il single lock, which lie combs
carefully over the side of his head. A
short time ago some young ladies asked
him for his photograph, and just for
fun he had Il picture taken of the top
of his head. About week afterwards
he went past the photographers place
aud noticed an immense crowd study
ing picture in the window. He looked
in and found that that disgusting ami
NAL of an artist had printed greatly
enlarged picture of his bald head, with
the black lock running around the edge,
and labeled it Eclipse of the moon
as it appeared at guarter-past eleven
That picture was sent all over the
world, and it is now filed among the ar
chives of every scientitc institution
from Hong Kong to the franklin Insti-
tute.-Philadelphia Bulletin.