Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-04-19
Wit and Wisdom.

WHY are Genus separated from dollars
by point? 70 make sense, of course;
don't you see the point?
SAID a philosopher: "My friend
conducted his future wife to the altar
and here his leadership came to an end"
EVERY married woman is personally
acquainted with man who will sit
right alongside of a stove and let the
fire go out"
81 TAKE my dex dis morning" said a
colored preacher, from dat portion
OBJ de Scriptures whar de Postol Paul
pints his pistol to the Fessions."
MANY a man saves his life by not
fearing to lose it, and many a man
loses his life by being over anxious to
save it.
A GENTLEMAN having written two
poems-"The Bible" and The Ocean"
neither of which proved acceptable
to the publishers, q friend slyly advise
him to throw the one into the other.
SPECTATORS have been fencing in
the Yosemite Valley, and when the
tourist thinks he sees a grand sight it
turns out to be board fence with the
usual sign on it: Tickets, fifty cents
EACH"
AN Arkansas man pleads "color
blindness" as an excuse for murder.
He killed white man by mistake for
negro. The most eminent physicians
of the day agree that such mistakes
are Of frequent occurrence.
AN Allegheny woman was struck in
the side by bullet fired from pistol,
and she jumped up and down and cried
out: | never get new corset that
something don't happen to it right
awayp
THEY tried to get rid of a pastor of
an Illinois church by reducing his sal
airy to $500 per year, but he took the
motion kindly, and replied; "Why,7
lived through last year on s75 in csz
and bag of meal p
f IF you want a letter mailed in
hurry, hand it to q friend on the stree
who Is holding hot argument. He
will put it In his pocket and carry i
around for three months, and the1
hand it back for you to freshen up the
date.
"THE boy at the head of the class
will state what were the dark ages OF
the world" Boy hesitates. "Next
Master Biggs, can you tell me what tn,
dark ages were?" Il guess they wer,
the ages before spectacles were invent
ed" Go to your seats"
The owner Of a pair of bright eye
assures us that the prettiest compliment
she ever received came from child
four years. The little fellow, afte
looking intently at her for a momen
inquired naively, Are your eyes ne,
Onesw
A GENTLEMAN in the city has pair
| pantaloons which were worn by one
his ancestors a hundred years az
They are made of homespun cloth, !
cept the seat, which is of thick leathe
It is inferred from this that the origin
owner was book agent.-Norwich Blu
letin.
A FATHER, fearing one of Prof. Tice
earthquakes In the region of his HON
sent his two boys to the house of
friend until the peril should be passe
| A few weeks afterward, the father
ceived this letter from his friend.
Please take your boys home, and Sc,
down the earthquake" loo
"I have my own 'pinion on dis tar
| question" remarked seedy individu
on the street, last evening. "What
your opinion" asked a gentleman ne
by. "My 'pion, zur," replied the ma
lis Eat every Teller gez his own rig
(hic) to go on tariff wants to-" !
one ventured to dispute his views.
AAa- California.
A FooTMAN Of Lord Daore, says III
ace Walpole, had been hanged
numbering the butler; tell it to
for the strange GOODNESS with which t
young fellow, who is about 10, expire
ed himself when he was writing /
confession: 81 muir" he stopp
and asked: "How do you spell MI
dered?"
The hardest part of cradle-T
rock. Sometimes gets out of temt
Steel. If you find it hard splitti
wood suppose you split the differen
A pair of pinchers-Those tight boo
| Often "hauled over the coals"-1
poker. A bawl of worsted-The
| of spanked child. The man
| was asked to sing solo said he wo,
if his friend would help him duet
Boston Traveller.
If thy desire to raise thy forum
encourage thy delights to the costs
fortune, be wise, betimes, lest thou
pent too late; what thou gettest, the
gainest by abused providence; VIII
thon losest, thou losest by abuse
patience; what thou Winnest is prodi
ally spent: what thou losest is pros.
gaily lost; gambling in any form is a
evil trade that prodigally drives, and
bad voyage where the pilot is blind
Queries.
INCIDENCE, is never at loss for
smooth lie or delicious sophism to jus
tlfy inactien, and, in our day, has 70
tlonalized it into philosophy of tn,
mind, and has idealized it into a schoo
OF poetry, and organized it into a hos.
pltal OF incapables." It promises Won
the still ecstasy of devine repose, while
1t lures you surely down into the vacant
dizziness OF inglorious sloth. 1t provides
primrose path to stagnant pools, to an