The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-01

81 1ucGc II always ltelllS vi Et-
gret when we part forever with
familiar objects, no matter how
humble and unimportant they
I, may be. This, however. does not
include any parting with a dog in
strange apple orchard.
The New York Commercial
Advertiser refers to the ladies
dresses as an example of delirium
trimmings. No wonder! They're
always tight, and never satisfied
unless there's fresh glass before
them.
GLOW canI signif | can't writer
said a countryman, when asked to
afliX his name to an affidavit. The
question, as the lawyer subse-
quently admitted, was a sign-ilI-
can't one.
A skipper of a down East coast.
er, named the "Hyena," was re-
Gently asked what his vessel was
named after. His honest and So
Der reply was, 81 don't know, | ex-
pect some great man in Con
ress."
Indian customs seem to be
reaching East. Old -Man-Afraid-
of-His-Wife came home late the
other night, and crawled under
the bed, but was persuaded to
leave his reservation and become
one Of the Sore Heads.
A hundred years ago when you
called on a girl she kissed you
good-by. Now if you suggest
anything Of the sort her father
calls you into the library and asks
you what you are worth. Are we
a nation! And is this progress?
A wag presented an Elizabeth
saloon keeper with pair of steel
engravings ofSankey and Moody,
representing them to be correct
portraits ofIilden and Hendricks.
They now adorn the walls with
Tilden's letter Of acceptance I'M
derneath.
"Cuba wants to borrow forty
million dollars" We have only
thirty-nine millions in cash, and
we don't want to mortgage our
printing office to make mp the
balance, hence Cuba will have to
seek relief from some other
source.
Good for the crops" said a Sa.
lem man, looking out of the car
window into the rain. Yes" an
swered Il Cape Amer, "our gran
ite never looked more promising
than it does this morning"
The occasional appearance of q
man wearing a duster, with a
small demJ in one hand and
a package in the other containing
a copy of "Songs for the Sanctua-
ry," and a euchre deck, shows that
the camp meeting season has ar,
rived.
A young gentleman, who moves
in the best society of San Anto-
MO, said the other evening to
young lady, "The foliage is much
more eXuberant this year than
usual" "Yes," she answered
thoughtfully, "all them imported
fruits is cheaper than they used to
was"
An Irish soldier, pretending to
dumbness, was discharged. He
i'll short time afterward enlisted
in another corps, and being recog-
nized by an old comrade, was
questioned how he learned to
speak. "By st. Patrick" he re-
piled, "ten guineas would make
any man spake."
After having written q squib
with much care and deliberation,
and the dignifed compositor up
stairs halloos down the pipe; as
this joke or an advertisements p
such a salute is calculated to-
a funny man take an interest in
the means of cheap suicide.
Thompson, of the West Chester
''Local News" gravely cautions
young men against marrying a
girl who can't do up a shirt. Why
didn't he continue by advising
girls who can't do up shirt to
marry editors, so that they may
never be troubled with such du.
ty?
Two men were angrily disput,
ing in front of the post-otfice yes.
terday. One said-"You're a
blear-eyed, beer buzzled Dutch
man. The other said-"Vell
by shorge, you vas nottings, you
vas a tam pig nottings, shoost like
--shoost like a--a-pig crow
scare, by shorge, mid oud any
r-a
Days come and go, the ther-
rises and falls, but the
Industrious weevil, the wide
awake chinch bug, and the heroic
army worm pursue their way un-
checked, and the farmer, as he
thereon, wishes that
and ministers had no
absurd prejudices against profan-