Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1876-11-23
BITS or FUN

Men of decision-Judges.
Private elettcrs-Monograms.
A digestible meal-Oat meal.
Turkey read-the foreign dispatches.
Stocks are up when worn about the neck.
The path of duty-Through the Custom
house.
When a man is in rum he will do as the
rum Cnes do.
Why is life the greatest riddle ?-Because
all must give it up.
''My bark is on the sea" as the cur said
when the captain threw him overheard.
A paper called the Skeleton has been started
in Chicago. 1t is full of bone mots
When a woman finds that she has married
a prodigal son, she should arise and return to
her father
When a hotel guest kicked waiter who
served him wrong, the proprietor said he
served him right
What is the difference between horse-rac-
ing and church-going One makes men bet
and the other makes them better.
A Chicago hveryman secures the patron
age of lovers by having the seats Of his We
hlcles made rather small for two persons.
Inquisitivc School Board officer to Hiber-
nan parent: Was your boy born in Glas-
coe?" ''No, sor; an | hope he never will
be-
Presence of mind is a great thing. A man
whose wife was attacked by cross dog
promptly crawled under the steps and did not
get hurt at all.
drinking among fashionable women" is
the head of an article going the rounds. But
who wants to go among fashionable women
to drink Fiat Contributor.
mo man can do anything against his will"
said metaphysician. "Faith, said Pat, II
had brother who went to prison against his
will-faith he did,"
The chief difficulty in the way of stopping
wite-beating is that the wives will not testify
against their husbands-they will not &C
knowledge that they have been beaten.
A sick man in New Orleans was told by
the doctor that nothing would save him eX-
cept quart of catnip tea. "Then | must
die" said the poor man, ''for don't hold but
a pint
''How can you make st. Patrick saint in
your church, when he lived and died in mine?'
said Scotchman to a son of Erin. ''Och,
now, he replied, ''and We know he was both,
for he was twin
'HPhil, my jewel" said Pat, 'Im mighty
sorry We can't dine with me to-day" "Arrah,
and why can't dine with ye?" said the as
tonished Phil Because, my dear, return
cd Pat, II haven't asked We as yet"
a jaior in a Western State had received
strict orders to keep not prisoners in solitary
confinement. Once, when he had two in |
charge, one escaped, and he was obliged to |
kick the other out of the door to comply with |
the regulations.
\ gentleman said the other day to negro
servant at the hotel where he was staying,
BLESS me, Sambo, how in the name of Won
der did you get SO black?" ''Why, look'a
here, massa, de reason am dis-de day dis
child was born dere was an eclipse"
John Wilkes was once asked by Roman
Catholic, "Where was your Protestant Church
before Luther?" 'Did you wash your face
thls morning?' was the rejoinder. 81 did.
SIR. Then where was your face before
Il was washed:" said the facetious alderman.
"Pshaw.' said young lady of musical
taste, passing certain church, Sunday night,
where an incompetent organist was torturing
That instrument, sit is enough to make that
congregation all 60 wicked just to imagine
lEer organist having harp in the new Jeru-
salem and being entitled to play on it,