The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1876-08-23
Nasty.

A Conyoeation OF Democrat
Stumpers Receive Their In.
SfructiOns from an Agent OF
TiIden.--The Harmony that
Prevailed, and How IL Was
Brought Abont. ff
CoSFEpRTr X ROADS,
W1cH IS IN THE STATE Nv KENTUCKY,
g August 14th, 1876.
The men Nv inHooence and them ez hes
bin appinted to stump the State Nv In
ieany- Tor the great reformer Tilden, and
the tinanshel genius Of the 10Th sentry,
Hendrix, met on the call Nv the chairman
NV the central committy, in lnjenapoliS,
Yesterday, to be instructed in their doc.
ties by the grand organizer, which is
maxim a toor nv the different States a
doin Nv that. d. ...l ,i.9 .,.i n
One Nv the speakers remarked that ii
wuz ez hot ex HI, and | rebooked him
to.wunst. LAB ~. sE
.Don't speek disrespectiully Wy that
place." sed ], "the hett Nv our friends are
there. Never hevin scratched the
Dimocratio tickit, l bleve I Good be
elected to Congris from that distrik my
self" ,.si,,i., II
The grand organizer got to bzness To-
wunst. He took the Dimocratic platform
and ex Explained 1t to the speakers. SO that
Their shood be yoonanimity in there talk,
and so that they shoodent clash in differ
ent parts NV the State, but present 700.
inform front to The enemy. He got TO the
civil service plank and remarked:
"Gentlemen, on this pint 700 must dwell
with great earnestness, and at much
length. Make no mistakes in this. Insist
that Of Tilden and Hendrix is elected, no
man shell be histed out Nv offs becoz ny
his politikle views; that no man shell be
appinted TO offs becoz Nv services TO par.
~, and that fitnis, honesty, and SIGH, witch
we're Jetfersonyun tests, shell govern this
distribooshen nv patronage. Remember
this and make no mistakes about it. This
must be dwelt upon"
Immejitly every one nv the stumpers
rose ez one man TO his feet, and demanded
to be heerd. They came up in solid pla-
toons, and ez glanced along that line Nv
shinin noses, l, wuz reminded NV fire.
works.
"This is all very we'll" sed one, "but l
expected that wnz tn be collector Nv the
deestrik in the eyentuy the elecshen Nv
the CRATE retormer.n N
II will hev the postofls in my town or
not word will I howlp shrieked an.
other.
And every blessid one Nv EN- insisted
that he'd hev place or reform mite go
to blazes. t+''
The grand organizer rose camly, selec.
ted book from out Nv = dozen or MOE
he he'd, and addressed hisself to the first
man who raised shindy.
"Your name is" "a
"simpkins." g.
"Your county, tJ .'.H-
"Posey." ~
@You are down for collector, ! see. w
course 700 will hey it."
"And what is fixed for me27 demanded
the second. ~. -
"Yoo are TO hey the Postofls in your
town. And before we 60 any further we
will settle this matter OF the otiises. We
arranged 1t with your committy at 81.
Loois." ..sr.,l.i.a 7,irh...or .a
And he red out list NV the offices in,
the State, and who wuz 10 hev EN-. There
wuz some trouble, for they all warnt pro-
yided for; nor wuz those witch he'd bin
provided for alluz satisfied with wat he'd
bin given EN-. II wuz all fixed, however,
for In counties wich he'd Dimocratic ma.
iorities some Nv EN- were promised
nominations, and quite. number Nv con-
sulships and small Turin mishens were
huv In to satisiyem all. t.. i, tt
The next question that comes up wuz
how to treet the money question. In.
strucshens wuz asked. -
The grand organizer riz to his feet. =
"Lemme see, a'he sed,i swat State am ]
In? Oh, yes, I remember, Injeany. l
find, by relerrin to my instrucksheps,
that In Injeany 700 must be soft money
-moderitly In the northern part Of the
State, but rampantly in theiextreme
southern part, goin ez fur eE Pendleton
did, with strong and decided leanin to.
ward repoodiashen. Also down there
you may sandwich in ez much Nv
the Niger as you can get In. El
you hev any old banners left over from
former campanes denouucin Niger equal.
ity and deprecatin margin niggcrs II
wood DO we'll to itrot EN-, out agin. Re.
turnin to the currency, ef any nv 700
shood be called to speek In other States
witch 700 probably wont be-" he
added, glancing at their faces, "dont tech
the topic at all till 700 hev consultid thu.
lokle committees. Be very keeriul about
this, And in other States don't 90 on the
platform full Of likker, SO ez you shell not
hey yoor memories. Be very keerful
about this, for ef 700 shood make an In.
ieauy speech In Connecticut Il wood roo.
ID Us. Don't git drunk till alter the
meetins, and after the people hev all
gone home. Here 700 may do eZ 700
please, for shood suppose the drunken
the man wuz the more no wood talk to
the satisfaction Nv the 1nieany Dimocri.
Az, but in Connecticut and Moo York It's
different. You must keep sober I'll after
the meetins there" 80 .ss ~
Whereupon the speakers all rose ez
one man and remarked that ei Il wuz all
the same they didn't want to go TO Con.
nec.icut or any Nv. them beastly States
to speek. They wuz simple sons Of
nscher, and despised a bloated aristoc.
racy, SIGH ez the grand organizer was
deScrihin. sfr 1n-1sa.4 II
ds atn 81. sS'i I, With a stern and deter.
mined look, zone thing more remains.
Are we to 90 ont like the ApoSsels with
out scrip Ia our purse That Good be
done in toodee, fOr. that CLINT Hus mild
enuf TO sleep out doors, and the Apossels
didn't hey whisky Or tobaeker 70 buy,
ex hev bin informed. Inever saw In
any Bible ! ever red any account Nv their
doin' It." 5.rdoiuas p l!s = .-' y
aUv course We can't elect the stats re-
former without money" eiackilAtid an.