Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-07-12
Humorous.
4 FOWL bawl-a ROSTERS crow.


DEssIcATED eggs are the latest inven-
ton In that line.
The Baltimore Sun thinks the name
Of the doctor should be attached to each
death notice published.
The man who does not set himself
up too high will not get hurt when he
falls.
ALWAYS pick out a bald-headed bar
Der to shave you, because he can't con-
sistently ask you to buy any hair re-
newer.
IT is related of a popular Philadel-
phia clergyman that he received two
barrels of slippers from the ladies one
Christmas, and they are all too small.
IRAscIBLE Gent Ito waiter -"They
say there's nothing like leather, don't
they?" eyes, sir" "Then it's a lie,
for this steak isl" Waiter evapo-
rates.
ing from paint shop to paint shop, the
other day, asking for striped aint,"
with which to paint barber pole
HELMBOLD went insane, and now DIR.
Aver is lunatic. 1t is too much strain
on mans nerve tissues-trying to cure
everything for dollar.
YESTERDAY, on Canal street, mem
Der of - Church inadvertently STEP
ped On a banana skin, and as he skated
off to the gutter he knocked great
chunks out Of the third con marc ment
Two young ladies of La Crosse were
standing by a ditch thirteen feet wide,
which they didn't know how to cross,
when their escort said snakes I" and
they cleared it at bound.
IT wasn't a loaded Onondaga preach
er who recently said: 'Brezzern
szeasierfo for cammi', hic, tgo srough re
knee of an idel, zan fur, bic, a rich
man to live pezably, hic, wiz hiz
muzzer-in-law.'
PASTOR: L am surprised to see so
few here on so fine Sabbath What
is the reason?" Boy: 81 know. They
haven't got their summer suits yet. I
heard cousin Jane say sol"
WHAT is heavens best gift to man %
asked young lady the other night,
smiling sweetly on pleasant looking
young man. ga horse" replied the
young man with great prudence.
A FIJI Islandel became so enamored
of Mrs. Scott-Sids ons during her stay
in South Wales that he offered to pur-
chase her of her husband for six bunch
es of bananas.
IT is pleasant to recline under the
spreading boughs Of an apple orchard,
on summers evening, and let the i'm
agination roam over the vast super6ces
of stomachs that will ache when the
green fruit comes into market.
A WOMAN in western city recently
fell out of a second-story window and
struck on her head She said she didn't
know when anything made her so mad
before
A TEXAS man got mad because a
waiter handed him napkin the other
day. He said he "reckoned he know'd
when to use han'kercher without
havin' no hints thrown out +"
TWENTY times at picnic, recently
Flatbush girl threatened to kick a
young man for spilling strawberry juice
on her dress. and twenty times she re-
membered her old-fashioned stockings,
end didn't kick
The honor of the best centennial
joke is accorded to the Emperor of
Brazil. On learning the number of
revolutions of the great Corliss engine,
at the Philadelphia exhibition, per min
ute, he said. "That beats our South
American Republics"
A MAN was run over by an OK cart in
Wilmington, Del, and had brought the
driver of the team before a justice.
hn a
common law that any man slow enough
to be run over by an OK team is too slow
to sue.
A oocKNEY gentleman stepped up to
give his testimony: "There was vast
crowd gittin' about i'm, hand one said
the man was killed, hand hanother said
the same; hand I hexclaimed, with a
loud voice, Hif the man is killed, why
don't you stand back hand give i'm
little hair ?"
A SYRIAN convert to Christianity was
urged by his employer to B work ! on Sun
master, does not your Bible say that
if man has an OK or an ass that falls
into the pit on the Sabbath day he may
pull him out ?" "Yes," answered
HayOb, but II the ass mas naDlt OF
falling into the same pit every Sabbath
day, then the man should either fill up
the pit or sell that ass"
BULLETS, nails, wires, slate pencils,
crowbars, and various other missiles
penetrating and even passing through
the brain have failed to destroy life.
A man, Waters by name and foolhardy
by nature, for mere pastime run nails
and wires into his own head, and there
they remained apparently harmless,
until he died from morphine. A bee
sting, scratch or misstep will send
some men into eternity, while others
seem bullet proof and may almost
laugh at an accident.
A LITTLE Idaho three-year-old fell
into well recently where the water
was only six inches deep, and remain
ed there some time before he was dis
covered. When he was finally rescued
his pent-up Indignation knew no bounds.
There was crying about it, and such a