The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-09-08
wit and HumOr.


badly.
OLD age appears to overtake fast
man soonest.
A GOOD citizen is peace-maker. But,
says surly friend, so is bull In china
shop-it makes pieces, too.
A MAGAZINE writer asks: edo birds
die natural death 2" AS birds do not
employ physicians we can see no good
reason for asking that question.
WHAT is the difference between a hap
by death and Stanley's body-servant2
You see it, of course-one is euthanasia
and the other is youth in Africa.
In Canon City, Col, a man can't take
a couple of broken chairs to the cabinet
shop for repairs without hearing such
imputations as: "Hit you with chair,
did she 2"
AMID the general business depression
it is gratifying to the philanthropist to
know that no attempt has yet been
made to reduce the wages of sin.-New
York Dispatch.
BoNNER has horse named Music,
good in hurdlerace. In the even
tenor of his way he takes five bars alto
gether, in good time. He never misses
an oat, and is easy to Handel.
"YoUNa MAN." said the Judge, /" did
you steal that piece of hardware 2" "No,
sir" replied the prisoner, "I don't steal
hardware. That isn't in my line of bus
mess. Chickens and coal is my line."
"PErER. don't you enjoy the astro-
nomical phenomena these evenings 2
said well-todo citizen, residing in
West Harrisburg, to his colored en-
ploye the other evening. "'Clar to
goodness, l never tried 'em mushmel-
on is my favorite fruit. ;"
THANKS, and thousand of them, to
the unknown genius who intrusted
trunk, with hive of bees III it, to the
tender mercies of Syracuse baggage
smasher the other day. The company
will pay for the bees, and the doctor
thinks his patient will be around again
in fortnight or so.
NARRAaANsETT PIER claims that for
pretty girls this Sc ,son she's without
peer.-Boston Post. Pretty cheeky,
that. An-arrogant-sett pears to be at
that place this summer. -Phit0deiohid
Bulletin. And they are declared by
those who have looked upon their frames
to be Narrow gaunt set, too.-ne
Graphic.
THEY'VE got the laugh on the Cincin-
natl railroad man just returned from
Florida. The story is that he and two
or three other friends, after days fish
ing off the Atlantic coast, spread all sail
on their smack for home, but after
standing three hours before the wind
and making no Roadway, they suddenly
remembered that the anchor had been
down all the time.
A BOY sat at the corner of Grand
River avenue and Park Place gnawing
away at some watermelon rinds which
had been thrown out of store. A passer
halted, observed the lads occupation
and asked: "Boy, why do you gnaw
those melon rinds 2" "'Cause the other
teller got the start of me and gnawed
the core !" was the very complacent re-
ply.-Free Press.
A WRITER in Notes and Queries tells
the following good story Mr.. Falls,
well-known Irish sportsman, happened
one day to ride down hound. The
irascible but witty master attacked him
in no very measured language. "Sir,"
was the reply, "Id have you recollect
I am Mr.. Falls, of Dungannon." The
answer was ready: "I don't care if you
are Mr.. Falls, of Niagara you shan't
ride over my hounds"
"Mks. SMITH" says Mrs. Jones, at
Long Branch, "your boy Johnny hit
my boy Jimmy over the head with a
croquet mallet, and 1 am surprised you
allow him to act so outrageously."
My boy" says Mrs. Smith, drawing
herself up to her full Smithsonian In
stitute height, sis perfectly well be-
haved; he was probably provoked to hit
your notoriously bad Jimmy, and con-
slider it rude and impertinent for you to
address me in this excited manner"
The late Rey. Geo. Holton, of Bolton,
Conn.,, was rather eccentric parsonage. :
After his first wife died he contracted O
matrimonial engagement with a widow
of his flock. In his time it was custom
airy to publish an intended marriage
in church week or two before the In
tended event took place. He read his
own notice in the following poet;cal
manner
1, the Rev. George uolton
And the widow, Martha Moulton,
Both of Bolton.