The true northerner., 1876-10-27

How TO avoid mistaking toadstools for
mushrooms-Let mushrooms alone.
"WHAr do You propose. to take for
your coldl" said lady to sneezing
gentleman. "Oh, I'll sell it very cheap;
won't higgle about the price at all"
CALIFORNIA weather is thus put through
the mill
Either the rain comes spouting down,
Soaking you through from sole to crown,
| Or clouds of dust % git up and git"
And fill your eyes with soil and grit.
A YOUNG man in Jersey City was
urged to marry, but he replied 81
don't see it. My father was a single
man, and he always got along well
enough"
A FACETIoUs person went into avillaee
shop and was observed to be looking
about, when the proprietor remarked to
him that they didn't keep whisky. cit
would save you good many steps if you
did," was the visitors reply.
A DRUNKEN California miner kicked
can of nitro-glycerine again, and his re-
lations would feel a great deal better If
they could find something more of him
than one boot-strap. 1t seems ridicu-
lous to have funeral over only one
boot strap.
"FUNNY monkey" said Mrs. Parting
ton, as she saw him patiently sitting,
"but he sets as if he had plumbago in
the back, and could wish there wuz
more hair on his reprehensible tail.
cannot yet believe, neither, that they're
our posterity. "oo- ylalsihl s'lrl1
He used to visit her every week, but
he don t go there any more now for
when the old gentleman came into the
parlor they were sitting six feet apart, it
Is true, but the shoulder of his coat hal
enough white powder on it to supply
nursery for week. .al'f'
ADVERTISEMENT Missing from Kill
larney, Lane O'Foggerty. She had in
her arms two tables and Guernsey
COW, all black, with red HAIR, and tor
toise-shell comb behind her ears, and
large black spots all down her back,
which squints awfully. 'aaf''f
AN organist played in another church
than his own recently, and was compi-
mented by the organ-blower for the pro-
ficiency shown in his voluntary. "By
the way" added the man who man;pu-
lated the wind apparatus, "I've blowed
that voluntary before" ra' a'a.ia' ea.
SOME of the athletes were discussing
baseball one evening last week, when
one of them said that whisky was tho
best thing to use for a bruise. "One
of the West Ends" he said, "always
put his finger in the poorest whisky he
could find whenever he hurt It," "Does
he run it down his throat?" asked an idle
apprentice.
A RATHER elderly darkey was inquir-
ing of policeman if he knew anything
of his son Pete. The policeman replied
that there was young darkey i'll the
lookup who had q mouth like stable
door, and piece bitten out of one of
his ears, that was locked up for breaking
up prayer meeting with an ak handle.
"Dat's him." exclaimed the overjoyed
parent, "he told me he was gwine to
muse hisself. San AstOniO Herald.
EDMUND BURKE stirred ell the chivalry
of Europe by his superb denunciation
of the treatment of Marie Antoinette,
and yet when he beheld woman tum-
bling from third story window he did
not iDterpose his own manly form to
break her fall, but excitedly bawled at
one OF the Dystanders Catch her, you
blackguard % None of us know Just
what we will do until the occasion an
rives TO do it, except when we step out
of bed on tack. t-..f...--7.
"YoU must, Mrs. Bouncer, said the
wit of second class boarding g-house to
the landlady, be a good customer to
the butcher" "You may well say so.
Mr.. Chambers" she replied with
simper of satisfaction, 81 pay him from
$50 to $40 O week." 90, L didn't mean
that" answered the humorist "it's be-
cause You buy 80 much meat no one else
would" The landlady said he would
always have his joke, and smiled forced
and frosty smile then, going into the
kitchen, laid a nice long hair across the
jester's plate OF pudding, as reward of
merit.