Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-08-24

NO. Fl.
as he pointed to two particular ears of
corn in his field:
"See,'' said the farmer. ''that ear of
! corn which is we'll laden bends down.
and behold that ear which has little on
it stands up straight
The lawyer, feeling that he was
nonplussed by the farmer: mounted
his horse in silence and drove on.
Smiths Boys Startling Statements Concern
ing his Family.
y family named Smith has recently
moved to Germantown, and Mr..
Browns boy leaned over the fence on
Saturday and gave to our reporter his
impression of Mr.. Smiths boy, !. lad
about IA years old.
Eyes, me and him are right we'll ac-
qlCalnted now; he knows mOre'n l do,
and he's had more experience. Bill
says his father used to he robber,
lSmith by the way, is Il deacon in the
Presbyterian church, and very ex-
cellent lawyer), and that he has ten
million dollars in gold buried in the
e0'1"!' "iuHS VIM" "..~,. 49,
man bones, people he's killed. And
he says his father is Il cOnjurer; and
that he makes all the earthquakes that
ever happen anywhere in the world.
The old man'll come home at night af-
ter there's been an earthquake I'LL COW
cred with sweat and SO tired he kin
hardly stand. Bill says it's such hard
work.
"And Bill told me that, once when Il
man came around selling lightning
rods, his father got mad and ct him
right up, and he takes bites out of
everybody he comes acrost. That's
what Bill tells me. That's all l know
about it. And he told me that once
he used to have dog, one of these
little kind of dogs, and he was flying
his kite. and, just for fun, he tied the
kite string to the dog S tail. And then
the wind struck her, and his dog went
a-boOmin' down the street, with his
hind legs in the air, for about mile,
when the kite of II sudden begun to
go up, and in about i minute the dog
was Is miles high, and commanding Il
view of California, and Egypt, and Os-
kosh, l think Bill said. lie came down
anyhow, know, in Brazil, and Bill
said he swum home all the way in the
Atlantic ocean, and when he landed
his legs were I'LL nibblc;l off by the
sharks.
II wish Fathcr'd buy me Il dog. sos
l could send him up that way. But |
never have no luck. Bill said that
where they used to live he went out OH
the roof, one day, the fly his kite,
and he sat on top of the chimbly to
give her plenty OF room, and, while he
was sitting there thinking about moth
ing, the old man put keg OF powder
down below on the fireplace to clean
the SCOT out Of the chimbly. And
when he touched her off Bill was blow.
ed over agin the Baptist church steeple,
and he landed on the weather-cOck,
with his pants torn, and they couldn' t
get him down for three days, so he
hung there, going round and round
with the wind, and he lived by
eating the crows that came and sat
on him, because they thought he was
sheet-iron, and put up there on pur.
pose.
Giles had more fun than enough.
lie was telling me, the other day about
Il sausage.stutfer his brother invented.
1t was kind of machine that works
with a tre;ldle aud Bill said the way
they did in the fall was to fix it on il
hogs back, and connect the treadle
with string, and then the hog'd work
the treadle and keep Oh running it up
and down until the machine cut the
hog all up fine and put the meat in the
skins. Bill said his brother called it
Every hog it's own suffer- and it
worked splendid. But 1 do know.
Pears to mes if there couldn't be no
machine like that. But, anyway, Bill
said so.
s'And he told me about an uncle of
his out in Australia, who was ct by a
oyster once, and when he got inside he
stayed there until he'd ct the oyster.
Then he split the shells open and took
one for boat, and he sailed along
until he met a sea.serpent !; and he kill
ed it and drawed off the skin, and
when he got home he sold it to an en-
gine company for a hose for forty
thousand dollars, to put out fires with.
Bill said that was actually so, because
he could show me man who used to
belong to the engine company. wish
father'd let me go out to find sea-
serpent like that but he don't let me
have no chance to distinguish myself.
"Bill was saying, only yesterday,
that the Indians caught him once and
drove IL railroad spikes through his
stomach, and cut off his scalp, and nev-
er hurt him bit. lie said he got
away by the daughter Of the chief
shaking him out of the wigwam, and
lending him a horse. Bill says she
was in love with him and when asked
him to let me see the holes where they
drove in those spikes, he said he dasn't t
take off his clothes or he'd bleed to
death. He said his own father didn't
know it, because Bill was afraid it
might worry the old man.
"And Bill told me they wasn't going
to get him to go to Sunday school. He
says his father has brass idol that he
keeps in the garret, and Bill says he's
made up his mind to be a pagan, and
begin to go naked, and carry a toma-
hawk, and bow and arrow, as soon
rs warm weather comes. And to prove
it to me, he says his father has the
town all underlaid with nitro.glycer-
inc, and as soon as he gets ready he's
going to blow the old thing out, and
bust her up, let her rip and demolish
her. lie said so down at the dam, and
tole me not to tell anybody, but l
thought they'd be no harm in mention
ing it to you.
''And now l believe l must be going.
I hear Bill a.whistling. Maybe he's
got something else to tell me-
The Favor he Asked.
The San Antonio (Texas) Herald
s:-A few days ago, 4 prisoner with
a face on him that excited much re-
mark. on account of the meanness of