The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-03-11
-Belle-letters -Love-letters.
"A bad omen-To owe men.

The swell mob-The nfiationists.
Trance action Walking in ones sleep.
The best person to pierce your ears
A bore.
"A woman's pride and sailors guide
The needle.
How to raise beets-Take hold of the
tops and pull.
When the spider left the ark, did he
walk or take a fly
"A good toast.-Something never to be
found in a bordng house.
How rapidly the coal in the bin be-
comes the coal that has BEEN
A duel is very quickly managed 1t
only takes two seconds to arrange it.
An old adage and very good one says
"Sweet are the uses of advertisements
Peru has more dogs than any other
country of it's size. Hence the Peruvian
Bark.
Some ladies, this season, wear wings
on their hats-but it doesn't make 'em
angels.
| 1t is said that figures won't lie; but the
figures of some woman are very deceptive,
to say the least.
"The older the seed the worse the
crop" as the farmer said to a snob who
was boasting of his ancestry
-" What's Biography, Bill?" cts a
| tol1ip' Of In Il, hot l.,
about by cute chaps that's never seen 'em."
| -" Is that clock right over there 90 asked
visitor the other day. Fright over
there, said the boy; "'tain't nowhere else."
-"This is spanking fine vinegar" said
John Henry. "Ought to be spanking"
replied his hopeful there's mothers in
it,
A Mexican girl living at Tusceolo has
three we'll developed arms She can do up
her hair without examining her mouth full
Of hairpins.
Go out, young man; SHE'S not here!"
said Pennsylvania preacher last Sunday,
in the midst of his sermon, to youth whom
he saw standing hesitatingly in the door
way.
AT public gathering lately one of the
gentlemen present was called upon for a
speech, and this is how he responded
"Gentlemen and women, amt no speech
er. More'n twenty years back l came here
poor idiot boy, and now what are -"
Scene in dry goods store: Lady-How
much for this printe Gentemanly and
obligiug elerk-Nine cents, mum. Lady
Nineteen cents? III give you eighteen.
Clerk-Nine cents, mum. Lady-Oh! nine
cents; I'll give you eight.
"A very pretty Sunday School song is
the one entitled, "Put your armor on my
boys" There is, however, a young lady
in town who doest like to hear it. She
says it sounds like " Put your arm around
me, boys" and it always makes her feel
| lonesome.
Mrs. Darlington, while looking at
picture of Washington in a window, saw
the name of the artist-Mr. Green-in the
corner of it, After admiring it for some
time, she at length remarked, " Well, Mr..
Green is not such bad looking chap after
all-'
| An African Prince once offered Du
Chaillu his choice of wife among $50
girls. To prevent jealousy he took them
all. AS he couldn't hire apartments for
such a crowd, he was obliged to camp out
with them, and he says it surpassed any
| strawberry festival he ever attended.
A Frenchman being about to remove
his shop, his landlord inquired the reason,
stating at the same time, that it was con-
sidered a very good stand for business.
The Frenchman replied, "Oh yes he's very
good stand for de business; by gar, me
stand all day, for nobody come to make me
more"
"A lady of Rockville, Conn, received a
note the other day, asking if few friends
could have a surprise party at her house.
She said yes, and took up her carpet and
made ample preparation. The evening
came and past with not even caller
That's where the surprise came in.
"A deaf old gentleman, walking lately
in his garden, heard the milkman shout on
the other side of the wall. Imagining
some one calling him, he cried, Here"
and turned his ear trumpet in the direction
of the wall The milkman, in his hurry,
took the trumpet for the servants pail,
and delivered quart of milk therein.
oh, the snore, the beautiful snore, fill
ing her chamber from ceiling to floor
Over the coverlet, under the sheet, from
her dimpled chin to her pretty feet, Now
rising aloft like a bee in June; now sunk
to the wall of cracked bassoon! Now
flute-like, subsiding, then rising again, is
the beautiful snore of Elizabeth Jane.
That Baltimore mans flying machine
is not an overwhelming success; Keely's
motor is as quiet as the grave; Virginia has
refused to take part in the Centennial; but
| a German chemist has obtained ferrocyanide
of tetramethy lammonion by saturating
| feryocycanic acid with tetramethy lam
monium hydrate-and this is some conso-
lation, anyhow.
Mrs Partington says that just before
the last war with England, circumstances
were seen round the moon nightly, shooting
stars perambulated the EARTH the desk of
the sun was covered with black spots of
ink, and comics swept the horizon with
their operate tails. Everybody said that
it protfiigated war, and sure enough war,
did come. And after it ended its constitive-
ness was left throughout the land.
"A Tennessee paper tells of a woman
who sent her husband to buy Jug of mo-
lasses. He got drunk, and fetched home
the jug filed with whiskey. She took it
up, smelled it, set it back, and then squar-
ing herself, arms akimbo and eyes flash
ing, she exclaimed, Where's them mo-
losses? ~ The old man smiled and winked