The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1876-03-02

"That is mutual. ,..s'!.s '''.'.'.'
= It is d matter Of satisfaction 10 chrr,on.
icle such events. not only because Of the
,evinced ;in daring to invade the I
Of the prophet, but for the
reason that We are assured that polygamy
will never curse the: homes Of sgentiles |
who marry Mormon! girls. We say, go
in !capture them peacibly if you can, for.
chilly if you must 80; Isl "<ss;: IN 4
" It is we'll, however, to say to this young
couple that Brassfleld' was murdered on !
the street for no greater crime against
the priesthood than the one : Charles r.
Hopkins has committed in marrying the
granddaughter Of Brigham Young. \
HOW JONES SHAVED HIMSELF:
In view Of the hard times, Jones deter.
mined to shave himself. His income had
been reduced, and he had got tired of
waiting for his turn; of being restored to
purchase toilet articles, If the persistent
and unnecessary brushing Of the barber's@
boy, and the steady evaporation Of his
small change: So Jones invested in the
necessary apparatus. and upon bringing
them no ne triumphantly remarked to
Mrs. Jones that he was glad to have the
opportunity Of setting the example Of
economy. On Sunday morning Jones
commenced Operations, and it was not
long before he had large part of the
household were enlisted in his service.
Mrs. Jones must find him cup of soap.
Miss Jones must hunt up some shaving
paper, Master Jones must hunt up hook
for his strop, and the servant some sweet
oil for the same. OF course Jones had =
new razor and new razors proyerbially
need to be sharpene1, and Jones under
took to sharpen it.. First he tried the oil.
stone, and rubbed away until he had used
up large part Of the blade and left 4
feather edge IS rough as the burr on
file. Then came the stropping process,
and Jones rubbed alternately on No. l,
2, 3 and 4, at the end Of which time the
blade seemed to be about where he started,
and mentally wondered how the barber
managed to do it so quickly. He had
seen them slash away with = razor and
bring it to a|keen edge in few vigorous
strokes. He had vainly endeavored to
do the thing by precision and delibera.
ton. But it was no 60. All sorts Of rea-
sons occurred to him. Perhaps he had .
bad razor perhaps the strop was bad
perhaps he had too much oil on or not
enough--in short all sort; Of reasons but
the right one. which was that Jones knew
no more about sharpening razor than q
cat. But Mrs. Jones was looking on and
Jones did not dare admit that he couldn't
do it. So he finally said, "There!" with
triumphant air, IS if he had finally got
it al right. Jones said "there and
squared himself for action. His beard was
stiff and stubborn. and if the razor had
been at all sharp he could have cut it
easily. But the razor wasn't sharp and
slid over The stubble like sled over tho
snow. Mrs. Jones Uttered, and Jones re.
solved 70 brave it out. So he seized the
strop and made q desperate lange-as the
barbess do-intcnding to put an edge on
it at one fell swoop, but his. first stroke
cut the leather fearful cash, the second
slashed the strop in two, and the third
closed the razor over his hand, exposing
an amount Of red meat that made Mrs.
Jones scream. "Oh that's nothing" said
Jones ''only scratch" and he tied his
hand up with towel. "Just little slip
my dear land Jones again seized the razor,
lathered his eyes, cars and nose full Of
soap, and started to NOW down his crop.
This time he managed to cut off little
hair, but it came har,l, and brought tears
to his eyes. It was like tearing the hair
up by the roots. But Jones, nothing
aaunted, kept on bravely. He took it At
different angles; he supplied frequent
lather. He scrapcd and scraped, until
the cuticule had been excoriated to the
consistency of raw becfstcak. 'There,
my DEAR" he said to Mrs. }. feel no
smooth that is" and he tried to dclude
Mrs. J. into rubbing the right way, But
Mrs. j., With glaring and reckless obstin.
acy, persisted in rubbing the wrong way,
and said she didn't think il was very
smooth. Then Jones grew desperate. but
said that perhaps there were fex hairs
not quite Is short as they should be. So
he vent 1T it again. This time he was
savage, and in short time he made his
face look as if some young doctors had
been trying to disseot him. The point 0
the razor caught in his nose, the
heel in his car, and the . center laid
open his check with CHASTITY seam that
brought his shaving to IN untimely end
Jones has never shaved since. But oil
the materials have been utilized. The
soap for washing, the cup for the baby
the strop to thrash the boy with, and thu
razors have been 4 perpetual delight
whenever Mrs. Jones wants to cut hel
| corns -. s'::.'i i ~ .: i; :.r-'
SILENCING sKEPTICISM.
tits aid Of Robert Hall. that wher
some amateur skeptic asked him: about
tho future Of man, he roughly answered
II dom know whether you have asoul but
I know I have" That was answering I
fool according to his own folly, and NJ
doubt tended to make him less wise il
his own conceit.. But. wherewith shall
We best reprove< and silence the skepti,
Of this generation! There: IS one arga
ment which speaks il: Al languages, il
known and read BY al men, and is quit'
unanswerab1e-a godly life. So to live
that he that is Of tho contrary part maj
be ashamed, having: no evil thing to sal
"A dandy, getting measured for Z phi
oflriding> boots, observed, snake: then
cover the calf."i s..ti1eay ems, Il exclaime,
the shoemaker, sstounded, survey ing hi
customer, II have not leather enough.
Rye and Indian Drop, Cake Oas pin
OF Indian meal, one. half pint of rye meal
two spoonfuls Of molasscs, Z, little salt