The Tipton advertiser., 1876-11-16
Bakenare : crusty lot offellows and
fond OF loaflng.


want to borrow something.
Music for the dinner table--"When
the swallows homeward n.y."
In what respect In man who bets
worse than one who Is no better?
What is that which Is heightened by
being cut at both ends? A ditch.
Good headquarters for young men
on the shoulders Of their sweethearte.
"The Isles of Greece" are beginning
TO regain somewhat Of their ancient
glory since petroleum went up to 20
cents.
In the French insane statistics for
1915, la2 men are reported As having
become lunatics through love, and
only 81 women.
do you like Goldfish balls, Mr.. Wig
gins?" Mr.. Virgins thesitatineIy)-
Il really don't know I don't recollect
attending one"
Pretty girls are like confectionery in
more ways than one: They are sweet.
they are expensive, and they are con-
ducive to heartburn.
From Judy: Mr.. Blank-"I always
found that at school the stupidest boy
carried off all the prizee." Miss Spar
kle-"Did you get many"
Charles Van Lew, of Linden, y. Y.
is seventeen years old, weighs eleven
pounds, and is seventeen inches hivh
but he refuses all offers from show
men.
Diogenes being asked, 1.-THE biting
Of which beast Is the most dangerousa''
answered: IF You mean wild beasts.
It's the slanderer; II tame ones, the
fiatterer"
A boy has written a composition on
the turtle, in which he says: "A tur-
tie Is not so frisky AS man, but he can
stand hot coal on his back longer
without squalling."
Jones, who Is an incorrigible bach
elor, says he has decided To wait till he
is old, and then have golden we'd
ding. He always wanted to pluck the
rose without the thorn.
Said fancy farmer to some guests
at his county seat on the Hudson
"Will you have milk or champagne,
my friends"" adding somewhat sadly,
"one costs as much as the other.'
The Bishop of Manchester recently
remarked that Lord Bacon WAS right
when he said that little science might
make man an atheist, but a larger
knowledge of it brought man back to
God.
fonkers' Gtsefte: How very,
very cruel !" said the sympathetic Mrs.
Quincess, with tears in her eyes, yes
terday morning, as she gazed on
card in front Of Ackett's bookstore,
which reads, "Helen's babies. For
sale here"
Those three Cinnamon who took
watermelon home and cooked it, says,
that they feel able to worry along on
rice short time longer, without fool
ing with any more new-fangled ar
rangements In the vegetable line.
There has been fall recently in
hippoptamuses, and a very fair, trust
worthy hippopotamus can now be
bought for 5000. There are indica-
tions of a rise, however. and the people
of small means should lay in their sup
ply at once.
ANY children said the proprietor
Of the house, q gaunt, harsh woman,
with voice you could crate nutmeg
on, TO the promising tenant of her
building. Yes, ma am" meekly re-
piled the tenant, "but, il you desire it,
OF course l can drown them.n
A man may love domestic quiet and
harmony enough to keep his mouth
shut while his wife's relations are in
the house, but when he sees one of his
fine ruffled shirts on his brother-in-
law, what wonder If he feels that he
must go down in the cellar and shovel
coal or bust.
Matte TODD, Louisville yellow
girl, wears heavy shoes on large feet
and has resentful disposition. John
Moore courted her, and one day she
learned that he already had a wife.
That night when he called she kicked
him once I'm the stomach, and lie at
once lay down and died.
The Atlanta Constitution tells of a
negro snoring 50 loudly behind a fence
that two other negroes, hearing the
noise and seeing his massive feet in
distinctly outlined, thought he was o
bear growing. They got gun and
filed his feet with buckshot before the
mistake was discovered.
Coachman ION being told by His
Lordship that he will not want to
drive out to-day)-Well, my Lord, then
perhaps | had better take our children
out? His Lordship-Now, Johnson,
look here; don't mind your saying
our carriage, our 'orses, or our 'ouse
but must draw the line-and | draw
ii at our children.
An Irishman lately landed in New
York, was searching for two OF his
brothers, whom he had not heard from
since they left the old country. One
day, while walking near a locomotive
works, he arrived in front of a large
boiler, on which was painted, in large
letters, Patented 1870" On this
catching the eyes of the immigrant, he
exclaimed, "Hurrah! l have found
thin at last. Pat an Ted 1907
That's the year they came out, an
they're both biler Makers
Eddie, chap Of 3! years. was sent
to the corner store to get two wicks,
but he got into the store minus a
knowledge of what his mother wanted.
The kind keeper, to help out the little
fellow, who began to cry, began
naming several articles, at last men
toned the herb thyme; That's it,"
exclaimed he, something about time.
| fink she told me to buy fortnight 7"
"Why, my little man, fortnight is
two weeks" That's itu' calculated