The Hawaiian gazette., 1876-03-08
Variety.

relative Tositiou-S;andiug godfather.
A5ri-s far Blind mau-Look before you leap.
Tas man vho would ike to Sc, you-rbe blind
uau.
A dead hea IS better than live one she will lay
wherever yau put her.
tie sail The mysterious actions Of the distiliers are
controlled by spirits.
Why are planes the noblest OF manufactured ar,i-
e.ss-Because they arc grand, upright aud square.
Bus few men can handle hot lamp chimney. and
say there Is no place Ike home, AZ the ssme time.
"wli y0z have me. sarah ''s said young man
is modes; girl q" No, John" said she, bat you
nay have ne. II you VIII"
When a Virginia judge ordered Henry Door to shut
uF. NI- Dor refused to do the ground that he
va ~, a folding door.
Uhsa Sc 3 clock on the stairs dangerons-Wben it
runs dsun.-Isa,t more dangerous when II strikes
one.
ID. Tour dress said = husband to hi, fashionable
vie. q VIII never please the men. e don't dress
20 please ea was sbe reply, " bat to worry other
v5zcu.7
A stamp speaker. in dealing with the modern phys-
ca ieeeueracy Of women, exclaimed. We must
take coed care Of cur graadmoiheFs, for We shall
never set any more.
An Trishu-aa reseutly saioquissd What 4 waste
C. a5uey g. Be bayiu- mate when YOU know the half
of fi-s bone while yea san spend it FOR whisky that
hssl'I bsrs in it,
When stranger asked Detroit girl, whom be met
a. party f she Vas married. she promptly replied
Ne. gGite bat have sued three or four chaps for
breach cf T-ouise!'
We hear II merchant who rejoioes thA, this is the
Centennial year, for he says be has number Of
customers vh5 settle their accounts Oaly once IN
hluarai years.
o. l. there much water in the cistern, Bidiy?" in
glre5 gentleman Of his servant gir as she came up
from the Kitchen. " 1t is fun at the bottom, sir,
b; there's none At all On the top was the reply
A dandy getting measured for pair Of riding
boo,s, observed. (" Make them cover the calf"
" Heavens ~ exclaimed the shoemaker. sstounded,
ssrrsying his customer. 4 have net 60. leather
oaough."
A rish contractor was holding forth upon the in
stability 81 the world - Can yOa account for It,
sir.7 he said, turning TO sam FOote. "Weu, not
very seAriy,' he responded, unless We suppose it
was b1ilt = y contract
A nPsarod writer inquiries 90 What is there under
heaven more humAniEing, OF, if we may used the
TERN, more augelizing, that a fine black eye in a
lovely wouaD.f Two black eyes is the only answer
thought of AZ present
i related that, IN answer to Nine &c StaePsaIle-
Ea-ior that "ercry Englishman is an island" Sir
James Naskin,osh Willingly rsjoined to Governor
- 49,.
depenienos."
A neEro IN South Carolina. who was complaining
or the hard tines declared hey were The hardest ever
tu5vn. Why said he, . I works al day. and steals
al aighi, and yet Ia best If kin make an horest
living
The mis.ortunes Of servant girl" Yes, mum.
DREADED 6csruc;irc these things Is II this here vase
diaut sneak down stairs from the psrlor when
vlsr leiag, and sermAsh itself to attms on the
kiseAiaG fer.oofi'
A parsinoninous old lady called one day upon
wel-snora hshnoaseF. saying. "weel, Master
nEesaazH, h0E ys selling your half salmon the
noos' David replioi, " Wbea We catch half salmon,
sacz, vel let ys ken"
A. q late hour New Years evea couple Of Coope-s-
t1vu vOrshios, triae under the Influence Of Ere
waite. stooi on corner, one coaxing the other to
sias p4-ristie soas Nov sing it. b, you
Gna I 2 uUFsr live % see another penitentiary.''
Il vas mentioned one day to Presidsu, Lincoln
that iHp young ladies OF his acquaintance had
guErrelei. and loaded each other with abuse Have
tary called each other uglys' asked the President
=. N. sir " Very good; then viii undertake to
reooaezs theu-''
A eminent and fseetious lawyer vas present daring
ths rehearsal q NEr5L In the scene where Macbeth
questions The witches, what isl you Do - they
Husrsr. a aeel without name" The lawyer
inmedia-ely remarked a friend, A deed without
azams, Why, it's void
A Scotch wife mildly erpOstulatea with her hus-
had fsr nduleng IN two tunblers Of whisky -toddy
!sst before geiug 70 bed. :. Ny dear Agnes glass
q whisky makes saither nan O. me-" Bat,
ny deAr william. you take trO.'' "Ay, Agnes,
that eaIEs 70 the iher man."
Whsa ST. Louis gentleman meets his nsigbbOr IN
ths noruinE be looks surprised and asks, a HAiu't
yOu beer indicted yet9'' The reply is. :" No, when
did Fos set outs- Thea they both laugh in an in
besas Eay. shsurh they beth meant it for joke,
sas s. aaa take . drink Of ths q erOokea.1