Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1876-09-23


David up wid brick and hit Goliath such LICK
Dat de people ober Jordan heerd Kim boiler"
Ornithologists tell us that the owl is a
wise bird. He certainly i n very solemn
un-
The FnIerdelfier Convenshun for re-
vising the spelling of the English lang
widge haz sjerned.
awe find that he came TO his death
from calling Bill jackson liar" was
the verdict Of cOroner's jury in Mis-
souri,.
BY "the Governor. Its hard work 10
keep your sons in check, while they re
young; it's harder still TO keep 'em in
checks when they grow older.
Exchanges all say: Look out for
counterfeit half-dOllar coins dated 1888,
1879, and 1876" It's the other kind we
are looking out for, and without much
success, either.
Ma observed Blobbs' little child re-
flectiyely, the other night, as the first
stars came out, ''don't you think that
when the stars winkle that way they
must tickle the angels feet Z"
Appearances are deceitful. At camp
meeting It Is difficult 10 tell from the
background whether the man on the
front seat is shouting glory or has just
set down on a tack.
The latest recipe for true eloqueuce
was given by minister at a Martha's
Vineyard Baptist camp-meet.ng: "Get
yourself chuck full Of the subject, knock
ont the bnng, and let nature caper."
Thackeray tells us to take a small bit Of
paper and make list of real gentlemen
we know. a Humboldt editor says:
eve don't know but one, and as we have
plenty OF visiting cards, there Is no need
writing the name
s'Gen'Pmen," )" exclaimed an old Con-
necticut salt, as he grasped the brawny
arm OF a Yale College Oarsman and call
ed the eOmpany's attention to its museu-
lar development, 'gen'Pmen, thar's in
telleck for yer"
DiO Lewis may blow around about che
virtue OF oatmeal, but hot biscuit with
a bit of white clover honey skirmishing
arOnnd on top Of IL, will ever maintain
hold on the affections of the American
people.
1t was twelve o'clock at night when
Mr.. Berger, of Macon, Ca, discovered a
coIored preacher in his stable untying
his horse, and the preacher observed /:
jess what said all dc time, Mr.. Berger T;
your horse is bay, sure cnufl, aud that
'spute tween me an brudder Jackson is
settled"
Norristown Herald: A young man
wants to know why, when he walks out
into the country with his girl, all the
flies aud other insects circle around his
head and annoy him, and completely ig-
more the presence of the young lady.
The insects certainly show very bad taste.
1t seems they prefer beer and whisky 10
honey and sugar.
Horace Greeley used to tell this story
He once sent claim for collection 70
western lawyer, and, regarding it as ra-
ther desperate claim, told the attorney
If he collected it he might reserve half
the amount for his fee. In due time Mr..
Greeley received the following laconic
epistle: 'fDear Sir-I have succeeded in
collecting my half of that claim. The
balance is hopeless"
= Hardshell Baptist preached in Wash
| ingtOn City lately and took for his text I:
"God made man in his own image" He
then commenced: can honest man is
/ the nOblest work Of God" Then he
made long pause, and looking search
/ ingly around the audience, exclaimed {:
! 'sBut opine God Alaighty hasn't had a
Job in this city for nigh onto fifteen
/ yearsv'
The motto for the week on a little girl's s
| Sundav-sehOol card was, sect thee be-
| hind me. Satan" There were gooseber-
| ries in the garden, but she was forbidden
| to pluck them. Pluck them she did.
/ ssWhy didn't yOu," asked her mother,
"yzhen you were tempted to touch them,
/ say, Get thee behind me, Satan 2 81
| did, she said earnestly, "aRd he got be-
/ hind me, and pushed me into the bush"
A lady in Bedford, who lived near 3
church, was sitting by the window lis
| tening TO the cFickets, which we're loudly
chirDing, the music from the choir re-
| hearsal being family audible, when ;
gentleman dropped in familiarly, whC
had Just passed the church and had thu
/ music full in his mind. ''What noise
they are making tonight" said he
yer" said the lady, "and il is said theI
10 it with their hind legs"
She was eolored lady and attending
revival of religion, and had worked her
self up 10 the extreme pitch OF going Z
! the good place in 4 moment, or sooner 4
DosSfble. As her friends gave vent e
their feelings, she likewise gave vent 6
her feelings, and eXclailneG ~ IT, -
was a June bugi'' \ sable-hued DTotheI
sanding near by, inquired: Nv nat 9t
Won want 10 be one for - = hat 1 mlgRl
~. IN Teavcn.n you fool niger; dt
Eo,dnecker ketch you fore you get nal
way there.
Conscience is a plans of slow groWti
II, +I.e nov. II caught in one lie, he IN
vents another. ] knew "a boy VINO was =, II
,Se 51'i7 habit Of eating apples in school. Hi
r"1cber finally caught him IN the act
and without removing his eye from him
he 1,,,c cailei him to the middle OF the door.
! saw you this time, - said the teacher cher
saw me what?" said the boy, lnno
Gently. --,;,,l ,,,., +..,,,o-
E'Bite that apple, replied the teaehef
s.No, SIR" said the rascal, - 3.
S'Open your mouth anu from Il