The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-11-04
BUDGET OF FUN

BUDGET OF FUN
You've. MAN.AFRAID oF-HIs-TAILoR is en-
gagged tor marry Young-Squaw -Afrad-oi-the
WashTub.
Mrs. Partington wishes to appeal 10 al
churches to establish a fund for superanima
ted and Indignant clergymen.
CITY missionary was asked the cause O
his poverty. "Principaily,' said he, "be
cause have preached so much without notes
A Chicago man advertises for wife with d
knowledge of music, and remarks that nc
"Maiden's Prayer" or "Silver Threads" kind
of girl will answer.
A San Francisco man committed suicide
because he lost his place as barkeeper, and
had to &c to work in q ted store. Barkeepers
must keep up the pride of the profession.
st
The Rev. Messrs. Waltz, Stickles, Linebar-
ger and Carnahan, lett Monday for Chicago,
10 attend the Moody and Sankey meeting.
The chicken roosts Will be safe for few nights
at least
"Does our constant chatter disturb you?
asked one of three talkative ladies Of sober
looking fellow.passenger. mo, ma'am; I've
been married nigh on thirty years. was the
reply
"Well, my DEAR" said our good pastor at
Sunday.school to tow.headed urchin, 81 am
glad to hear you are getting to be better
boy" "Why, sir" SAID little Joe, looking up
with grave earnestness, gosh, l amt been
sick"
INTELLECTUAL CREATURE-"No, It's utter
ly impossible for iellah to stand this dis
gushing weather l feel as though my brains
were going to the dogs" Lady-"Dear,
dear Poor, poor dogs"
The Centennial caneines, those puppies
who are always poking their sticks at every
thing, are catalogueo At me Dog r snow as
PNalddeLphid Bulletin. The setter
who put the foregoing in type, calls it ter
rlble effort-N. Y. Com. Ado.
Proudly observes the Detroit Free Press:
American genius is recognized the world over.
The japanese government has bought a
Rhode Island cider mill and is trying to grind
wheat in It.
A yonng scapegrace, noted for his practical
jokes, arrived at the age of twenty.one at mid
night, whereupon he raised the family and all
the neighbors by shouting at the top of his
lungs There's imam in the house!
A naturalist asks, ado bees hear?' We
don't think they do. AT any rate, when man
is chased by bee across a tenacre field, and
at the top of his voice urges his pursuer to
"Shoo there" the insect pays no attention
whatever to his remarks.
A wedding was delayed in Wisconsin lately
on account of the bridegroom suddenly re-
membering that he had not fed his horse. The
ceremony waited till the animal was cared for.
He explained that good horse couldn't be
be found easily, but thirteen girls were will
ing to be married to him.
speaking of bathing" said Mrs Parting.
ton, from behind the steam that arose from
her tea as @ veil to her bushes when touching
upon so delicate a subject, "some can battle
with perfect impunlty in water as cold as
Greenland's icy mountains and 1ndia's coral
strands, but for my part prefer TO have the
water a little forbid"
An Englishman who nsuited his bedstead
by placing underneath each post broken off
tic govt for fifteen years, and that he began to
improve Immediately after the application of
insulatorS. \ paper quoting this wisely adds:
There's many fellow who could cure his
govt, if he would break off the bottoms of his
glass bottles in time"
Something new in the way of catching rail
road thieves A gentleman who had been
much annoyed by having packages stolen
from him on the New York Il New England
Road procured a box and catching n striped
snake put it therein, and depositing the box
beside HIM in the Car seat intently read the
paper. Shortly after awoman sat down with
him and in little while the box disappeared
under her shawl. Curiosity led her to look at
her prize. Therewas announcement, and 10
the thief.
ENGAGED.-A Brooklyn young lady, who
is absent at boardingschoO communicates
to female friend in this city the following
interesting piece of information: "In my last
letter, You remember told you that thought
Charley 5 - and Mary were engaged to
be married. Well, now l know they are.
They sat in the gallery last Sunday night, and
/ saw Mary throw her head back while Char.
ley scraped gumdrop off the roof of her
mouth. "-BT00kLW1 Arg1tS.
\ wealthy Bosonlan died recently and left
all the property TO his wife on condition that
she married again IN eighteen months A
friend of his who knew Of his purpose pre-.
vous to his death SAID to him: II should
think you would dislike the idea of another