, 1876-08-06
HUM0R.

Accommodating friend with $50 note Is IN
ex-L-ient way Of getting rid OF money.
II wish was pudding, mamma =" Why"'
"'Cause should have such lots OF sugar put
into me-"
An Indiana man has just been neatly scalped
| by stroke OF lightning and ne speaks Of it as
I q very wigscd performance
Soliloquy by tippler: s' The public always
| notices you when you have been drinking, and
t never when you are thirsty"
The Turks are trying to comf=l the citizens Of
| Bucharest to take an oath on the Koran. STE
here! Isn't 1t about time togVe that Bucharest*
Graphic.
'iYou arc nuisance. I'll commit yon,' said
an offended Judge to noisy person in Court
''You have NO right to commit nuisance" said
the offender.
| citizens" said Centennial orator not hundred
miles from Boston, 'tyranny tEembles like an
| Aspinwal leaf"
| The Judge the other morning asked . prison.
| er charged with drunkenness what be intended
to do. He replied, frankly, that " he wasn't Ills
own boss this morning."
Another man, whose memory ought not to be-
| permitted to perish, is gone. lie lived near
| fredericksburg, Va, and his father WIS kicked
out OF watermelon patch By George Washing
ton.
Mr. Bu1ger bought his first thermometer last
week, anu having read that, when the thcr-.
nometer was under 15 the weather was very
pleasant for comfort, he pasted a big Is" OH
The wall. and hung his weather Indicator under
it. But it didn't do bit Of good, he says.-Sor-
ristor,a Herald.
A very sympathetic gentleman went ont to
the County Jail yesterday, and, while looking
about among the inmates, he saw one hne-1ook-
ng fsow whom he led most nos t9es1y
jail-bird ssOh! came in here to get out Of
the crowd, replied the tender youth.
a Chtnaman's teeth began to chatter over the
ice-cream. He buttoncd up his Jacket and
swallowed another mouthful. That settled it.
He jumped up from the table and started to
where thy sun could shine ON him, e1rl:injng,
"Whoopee! Plenty cold grub! No cookro
nutf! Fleece belly all same like ice-wagon."
A simple disciple OF Ike Walton, while stroll
Ing along the rivers side the other day, camo
upon an old straw hat and an empty whisky
bottle close to the watcr's edge He con-
tcmplatcd the touching relics few moments ia
silence, and then pcnsively murmured,
oAnother Tiidcn man gone e-''-Brooktyn Aryats.
"Pa," exclaimed Elmathan Dorkins, Jr., to
his respected sire, spa, what's the difference
tween elephant and tree !" Mr DoEkfns
said something about both having trunks, but
was scornfully interrupted By his offspring, who
shouted, "'Cause the tree leaves in spring and
the elephant leaves when the menagerie leaves"
"Why do you walk so crooked, John?" said
Mrs. Henry, with sarcastic information, Us her
husband came in from the "Club." "Boots
tight, nv dear" "Humph! II the boots are
half as tight as you, John, they'll be quite will
ing to 20 to bed with you,--and rather think
they will.' 'There's gal for you," muttered
John, as he struggled up stairs. ssCan't fuol
her {1ic). Gesh she knows where them bootsh
goin' sleep."-Cutcianad Timex
Deny no longer that animals have reason. On
one Of the streets near the Bourse Is wise old
dog who for fifteen years has roamed the side
walks without muZzle and fearing NO arrest.
When in the dogdays he perceiyes that po-
Iceman is cycling him, he trots away to the n.y.
drant and takes drink Of water with great
relish, "Ah! hal" says the officer, "that dog
hasn't the hydrophobia, anyway" and he passes
on. Thereon the sagacious animal spits out the
water, because II be should swallow all l1e
Tapped, be would unquestionably die Of dropsY.
Paris Figaro.
An archnologtst Is sketching Roman ruin u
Brittany. 4 spectator becomes interested in hEl
occupation, and asks to see his papers. He
hasn't them with him, and the rural policeman
conveys him to the guard-house OF the nearest
village, where he is questioned by the Mayor.
'You are Prussian spy; that Is evident.
What is your names What are you doing herelr
"My name is y, and | study Roman history"
son, no! you study tic history Of Rome, do
you! How many volumes are there Of it! An
swer me that!" 'tYou are testing, sir'' tI
knew it. You are IN agent OF Bismarck. There
are five volumes Of the History OF Rome, 1
have the work at my yhouse.n-Florp.