South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-03-03

Clare. "Oh / beg thousand pardons.
was the rejoinder, Il thought your lord.
ship was in consultations"
$ IN Many years ago an old darkey
was busy with her washing in little
stone wash house few rods from her
masters residence on Long Island. Her
great brass wash kettle WAS hung Oh "A
crane over brick wool FIRE in liuce
square stone chimney. Splash went
something into tho kettle; the woman
turned to see, aud there in the, holm.
suds, on top OF the family linen lay a
Ane great fish still, alive, though in lis
death struggles. The only explanation
or It's strange appearance was that il
hail been caught up by fish.hawl< that
was forced TO drop his prey just rs it
few over the wash house chimney.
- -
G6 Judge Brady, of New York, tells
this good story: He was one day on
the wharf while an emigraut ship was
coming. An Irish laborer, who knew
him, edged along sitle, and. after n look
at the crowded ship, turned 10 tho judge
and said: Tell We what, Misther Bra.
d.. thin iurriners is going TO play the
divil with us entirely. What'll we do
at all, at ALL
IVA few days ago very handsome
lady entered q dry 600 Is house aud in.
CURED for u "beau." The polite clerk
threw himself back and remarked that
lie was ut her service. Yes, but 1 want
buf. not green one, was the reply.
The young man went OH measuring
goods Immediately.
""Gou mean elastics,'' said n
O Broadway clerk to an old lady who ask.
ei for carriers. Il suppose some high.
nosed people call 'em lastics," she said
SHUT when get too stuck up 10 ask for
garters, I'll not box my Susan's ears for
saying hose when she means stockings"
She got her garters.
He was teamster in the oil re.
gions. and nc had n half dozen barrels
, oil the crude article to carry TO the rail.
road.-When his wagon got stalled. and
his mules kicked, and his 6reechn..s
broke, and his load rolled OH into tle
mud, then the bys;anders waited 10 hear
him swear blue streak, which should
do full justice 60 the occasion. Tut he
diln't. He simply turned around with
sickly smile of dispair on his face.
and quietly remarked: "By gosh
wish I'd took Cother road"
EzSIt is stated that Fort Plain
young lady received the following noie.
accompanied DO Il bouquet Of flowers:
"Dear-, | send by the boy q bucket
OF hours. They is like my lub fo- II.
The night shades means keep dark. The
dog fenil mcnes L am your slave. Rosis
red and posts pail, my love for you
shall never fail
NIn the line of How 10 bring ND
parents is the speech OF little boy.
who said. Father. think you should
give up swearing or family PRAYERS
W. John Henry. reading TO his wife
from newspaper, 'There is not II sim
gle woman in the State Pcniteniia,v.
There you see, don't YOU, what wicked
creatures wives are? Every woman in
the Peniteniiary is married" 1T is Gu.
rious,'' said she; "but don't you think.
john, dear. that some Of them 90 there
for relief?'
the neighborhood Of Hartford. Conn.
not Andeservedly popular. had just lin.
is.ied IN exhortation strongly recon.
mending the support Of certain very
meritorious institution. The congI eva.
ton was numerous and the chapel was
crowded 10 excess. The discourse be-
ing finished, tic plate was about being
handed round 10 the respective pews.
Ia, ba
dress TO the congregation From the
sympathy L have witnessed in your
countcnances, and the strict attention
you have honorcd me with, there is one
thing that am afraid Of. tat some of
you may he inclined TO give too much.
Now 1t is my duty TO inform YOU that
justice. though not so pleasant. should
always be n prior virtue TO generosiiv:
therefore, rs YOU will all he Immediately
waited upon in your respective pews, |
wish to have il Thoroughly understood
that no person shall think of putting
anything into the plate who cannot pay
his debts" We need not add that This
produced most oyerfJwng collection.
tVA West Hill boy. SAYS the Bur.
lingtoh Rnckege. came in TO his mother
the othe' day with two yawning rents
in his trow5ers. His patient mother
sat down. after dmn.sjering the ne.
cessiry counter r.i5ant, 70 repair Che
garment, IN shocked 10 hear her darl.
ing tell his sister chat Mother was an
old devil 'lImrv.' she cried. what did
you saw i didn't say nothing. moth.
err Yes you did, Harry. You said /
was devil. What did YOU mean by
that?' Well its so, mother. cause nv
Sunday.school teacher told me that no.
body but the devil sowed tates.
~ First and last love-Selr love.
t1 Come here, Jimmie said little
girl. and look at the moon Half OF it
is pushed into the sky, and half is stick.
inc ont