, 1876-02-06
HU1lOR.

SUP.
Acounter-irritation- Going zhopping viii nm,
| wife.
When are eyes not eyes? When the .;,t
| makes them water.
4 good action is never thrown away, and In,
| IS why so few OF them arc Seen lying aronnd
loose
Scotch saying: 4 doar-p1aat wi I mons n.,~
on 8 wary goad thing, but u dinoer-plaa. II =
nous dinner on's batter.
| A gentleman WAS detected yesterday in thu .,t
OF returning an umbrella, though heretofore hs
conduct has been entirely rational.
The laws arc generally equal to al circun.
stances In order to get jurynen whose miuda
| have not been made up, men are selected NTH
| very little mind to make up.
The intensely poetlcal editorof tho Aust,
| (Tex.) Receiue describes recent gorgeous Epn
set in that vicinity as resembling ripe pumpkin
wrapped In the American dag.
A Norwich man has invented calendar eoo8
| for 100 years. You 5uT it on trial, and if Tou
don't like 1t ut the end Of tnat time be takes i
! back and refunds the uoney.
an exchange saya " In onr obituary notes
I Of the late AIr- -. in yesterdays iasue for tas
| phrase he was q nohla aud p1g-headad man
] read, ha vas noble and bis-heartet maa.'"s
| Man: t'Do you think it would te safe for ma
! to croes this pasture?" Maid !: "Teil, The Cd
bull don't like red very much, but il you MI
chalk your nose guess ho won't attack you
"Wha. do they always put D. c. afte. Wash.
| iogton for ?" asked Mrs. Quilp OF Mr. Q. why,
my dear. don't you snow Washington Was th4
Daddy Of Lis Country :" s.id Qui1p, with !
| snicker.
4 wicked boy, upon whose shoulders his uoth.
or was expressing her resentment with both slip.
pcrs, felt too proud to crs, and kept up biz
courage by repeating to himsalf: 'sTTo solaa
| that beat as ona!
It is now generally believed that, when Bou
! Tweed went upstairs to see if there was rob.
ber in the house. ho inadvertently sat down upon
boz OF dynanite-because ha is now being
found all over the country.
The owner Of pair Of bright eyes asanres I.
that the prr.tiest compliment she erar received
camo from ch1ld Of years The llttlo felloU,
after looking intently at her for moment 10.
quired naively. ''Are your eyes new ones2"
An old Iatiy from Cleveland. o., who is visit
ing Daubury, said to her nephew: WAS Last
Sunday the first Sunday in the month r ''0d,
no three Sundays ago WIS the first one," ha
replied. ''But mean in Cleveland" she said.
Prof Proctor having asserted that the moor
had been dead for years, the Danbury Meas il
moved to suggest that IS Perhaps it was tts
smell of tho decomposition which led people ta
infer that it WAS made Of cheese" And it mi:e
be 20.
Aristophanes Was the funny man Of the
Greeks and don't you suppose when paops
joyed going bare-legsod that he nsed to reply:
8 Most certniolS, do-when consider tho az
is to fan knees"
L Chin4man in California, whose life Was in.
sured for large amount, was seriously hu1a
some time ago by falling from wagon. There
WAS some doubt of his ever getting batter. and
At length one Of his friends wrote to the insur-
ance company: Charlie half dead, likes bali
money"
An Oshkosh twin was in the city yesterday.
looking for his brother, who had besn missing
tor two days. After the twin had taken one or
two drinks, it bzoke upon him that he himself
was the missing one, a1d that his brother waa as
home, milking. At this point the police gave up
the search.
II hear that yon belong 70 whist club, aaid
q gentleman to young lady friend abort tina
to spend IN evening"" 20, yes, she sighed.
!" the first evening We played Pedro. the eecond
Railroad Euch1e,' and tne last Old Maid Ea
have not met slace."
An Irish dramatic critic, Of New York, recently
invited = brother journalist to take pint bottle
Of champagne. 81 But" said the journalist
II am in company with twenty or thirty friends
AQu CAu Ie4FR LQ6n. - - pauAH aa4A A1a
critic, bring yer thirty friends along, veil hs'
the pint bottle anyhow
"Pa, Will You get me- pair Of skstes e.
prove to you that a dog has ten tails ?" "fes
my son." well, to begin, one dog bag one
more tail thar no dog, haan't he p "1es
~ Well, no dog has nina tails; and it one dog
has one more tail than no dog, then one dos
must have ten tails!'' He got the skates.
Instructor in History 'tThe Pretect kss ::
first a General, and afterward exercised h's o.
fee IN q general sort Of way Now. Ar. -,
can you tell me what were the duties ot ths
Prefect? Mr.. - following the Instructors
lead): He imposed fines and I be1ato hls
decisions we're nal."-Hdrr1rd Crimson
A friend of the writer, residing On farm IN
Illinois, has q 4-year-old daughter Damed Ests,
who frequently amasos herself by placing the
chairs in row and calling them train Of cars.
One evening, while thus engaged. alr. -
friend of tho family, called. and unthInkng!J
occupied ono Of the 'scarB-" Miss Eta, not
wishing to have her play disturbed. stepped up
and said, Mister, dis is q train OF tass." "0h!,
said Mr. B, *' then I'll be a passsnger sno
take ride.'' Little Eta vas not a: all satis-
fed. After hestating d moment she saio'
Where do 'ou want to dit OF ?" H.. B-Ie.
Piled, "I'll get OF at Bloomington Well
said Eta denurely, "dis is de place. "-HaT-