The Van Buren press., 1876-08-29
Vol. l4.---No. 21.
A Silent Benefactor.

l
Mr. Cooley suffered great deal last
winter from rheumatism In bis breast
and his wife was badly frightened about
it for fear it should end in consumption.
Cooley could not be induced TO try any
remedy for the trouble, and Mrs. Cooley
was neariey worried TO death about Il.
At last she determined to try strategy.
She made up a dry mustard plaster, and
one night while be was asleep she sewed
it upon the inside of his uDdeYshirt, 20
that it would just about cover the rheu.
matte place. Cooley dressed himself in
the morning, wholly unsuspicious ofths
stairs. At the breakfast table, while be
Was talking to his wife, he suddenly stop
ped, looked cross-eyed, and spasm Of
pain passed over his face. Thea be took
up the thread Of the conversation again
and went on. He was la the midst OF
an explanation Of the political situation,
when all at once he ceased again, grew
red in the face, and exclaimed:
~ wonder what in the--No, 1t can't
be anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the mat.
ter, and Cooley said:
Oh, it's that infernrl old Rheumatism
agan--come back awful. But | never
felt it exactly the same way before. Kin.
der stings me-" Mrs. Cooley said. she
was sorry.
Then Mr.. Cooley began again, and
was just showing her how the ravages OF
the grass hoppers In the West last sum
mer and the potato bug In the East would
effect the political resul. next fall by ma
king the people discontinued, and 10
likely to strike at the party In power,
when he suddenly dropped the subject,
and, jumping up, said:
Thunder and lightning, what's that!
Ouch o Moses feels II had shov-
clful of hot Goals inside my shirt"
"Must be that rheumatism, getting
worse," said Mrs Cooley. synpa.heti.
cally.
"Oh, gracious, no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like Erc
burning into my skin. Ouch! Ow-wow.
WOW. It's awful / cant stand 1t = min
ute. / believe it's cholera, or something,
and I'm going to die"
Do try to be calm. Mr.. Cooley"
Shtm IioW eau u tnhu DC coitu Win
n volcano boiling over under ghis shirt.
Get out of the way, quick, while 60 up.
stairs and undress. Murder-r.r.r-r, but
it hurts. Let me get out, quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom and
stripped off his clothes. His chest was
the color Of boiled lobster; but he
couldn't for the life Of him tell what Was
the matter. Then his eyes rested upon
something white on his shirt He pick.
ed up the garment and examined it. Ten
minutes later he came slowly down stairs
while thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs Cooley, he shook
the plaster under her nose, and said in .
suppressed voice.
did you.put that thing in my clothesf
81 did it for the best, john" she said.
! thought"
Oh, never mind what you thought.
you idiot Never mind what you thought!
You've taken the skin clear off Of my bo.
som, SO that I'm as raw as sirloln steak
and I'll probably never be well again -
long US live That lets you out Yon
play any more tricks like that on me,
and Ill put you in the coalbin and keep
you there till you starve to death. Now
mind me-" g&
Then he slammed the door and went
out. Mrs Cooley doesn't know to this
day sxactly what effect the grasshoppers
are going to have on the fall elections.
-Philadelphis' Bulletin.