Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-12-15
f. u N !.

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The POWER OF MUsICE.-Chubb has
not much of an ear for music, but he spent
a considerable sum in having his daughter
taught how to hammer a piano. and he is
proud OF her accomplishments. He was
talking with us over the fence the other
day, when a service of dreadful sounds
came from his piano through the open par
lor window. Presently Chubb remarked:
'D'you hear that ? just listen to that,
will you !? That's what L call music"
Then there were a few additional bangs
on the instrument, a flourish or two, and
then more d%iscordant% humping.
Splendid, ISM it 7" said Chubb. MARY
James Dustin the music right out of that
machine, you observe. Them's the Strauss
waltzes [ believe, she's rastlin' with now.
Just listen"
We remarked that, from the energy dis
played. Mary Jane at least seemed to be
really in earnest. But whether she was
treating Mr.. Strauss exactly right was an
open question.
Il don't know ncthin' about music, :" OBJ
served Chubb, "but [ kin tell the real thing
when 1 hear it., and [ kin sit and hear Ma
ry Jane play waltZes and the Maiden's
Prayer until it makes me cry like a child.''
We asserted that if she played those com
positions as she was doing now it would
make anybody cry. A deaf-mute would
shed tears.
"Listen to that now, will you 2" ex-
claimed Chubb, as a wild tumult of sound
cane from the parior. isn't that splen,
did? If [ didn't know it was Mary Jane
a-tearin 'round among them w~altzes, I'd
hin it was one of the feller5 who play at
the concerts. Let S go over and hear her."
We entered the house Mary Jane was
nowhere to be seen, but to the ~infinlte dis
gust of Chubb there was a red-haired man
with a fist as big as q loaf of bread, tuning
the piano. Chubb asked us not to tell any
body, n we won't. 1t is related here in
confidence, and it must go no further.
FUN, FACT AND FANcY.-Detroit has
been bothered with a chronic old vag-
rant named Wheeler for the last five years.
L % Oil III uldil. dlIQ lit CICtpS ttOu!iu
the streets telling Il piteous story, and al
most demanding aims as his constitutional
right. He is not worthy of charity IN any
sense, and those who know him will not
give him anything. About a week ago he
entered d Michigan avenue drug Store, and
while loafng around he uncorked several
large bottles of perfume standing on the
show case. Into each one he poked his
peaked nose in turn and Snuffed like a
horse. He came again mex day and It.
peated the performance, seeming to 20 on
the theory that he was getting something
for nothing. and yet was not robning ttr
druggist. His presence was not agre all ;.
and yesterday morning the druggist fill, Il
the bottle with the strongest kind of hart
shorn, labelled it Golden Rose,'' snd s+v
eral people were invited in to see how ;le
plan worked. By-and-b bye the old vagrtnt
came in, and as he warmed his back at the
stove he noticed the new brand.
"Golden Rose, eh? New thing, pro-
baby" he unused, going closer.
AS no one seemed to notice Rim, he pull
ed the cork, poked his nose into the bottle
and snuffed for all he was worth. Mex;
instant he dropped, raking ie hot stove
with his elbow, and as he lay there gasping
for breath, and rolling his eyes, the drug
gist shouted for the police aud threw cold
water over him. It was four or five min
utes before the old man could stand up,
and he hadn't a word to say us he made for
the door. When lie reached the sidewalk
he halted, shook his fist at the store, and
blowing his nose with awful vigor, he
shouted:
II can Golden Rose the whole crowd
with both hands tied behind me?"
There is a young man in tow somewhat
bashfui temperament who visits frequent
ly a certain widow, and in course of time
there will doubtless be a wedding but it
all depends upon whether or not the wi
dow encourages him as she did a night or
two ago. He was sitting on the sofa be.
side her, admiring her soft cheeks and her
red lips, and wishing with two horse power,
when he ventured to remark:
"It's a pity all the good old fashions are
dying out"
SIS it?" responded the pretty widow.
"What fashions do you mean?"
"Why, the good old fashion of our an
c~estors, you know. They weren't hahn
pered by style as we are. We're so cold
and formal. I've heard my grandfather
say he'd bet he kissed grandmother a nils
lion times before they were engaged, Tut
that isn't the fashion any more.'
The widow leaned over towards the
young man, and her eyes seemed a thous-
and feet deep, as she answered:
why, you foolish fellow! You cannot
read the newspapers, possibly, OF you'd
know that kissing was never SO fashion.
able as now" Concerning the subsequent
proceeding the bashful young man cannot
be induced to say a word.
There is a very good story just going the
rounds of a hotel-keeper and politician who
was appointed collector of internal revenue
in an unnamed Ohio town. One morning
he found upon his desk a letter addressed
to him officially, without post-mark, con-
tanning a $500 greenback to which was
pinned a small piece of paper with econ
science money" written thereon. Quietly
folding up the %greenback and putting it in
his pocketbook he remarked: 81 always did