The Hickman courier., 1876-08-25
oB4 ToRIC4L ODDITIES.

Dy a,udiclous friend with " You're com
ing ort Of the hole you went in at %
as sqsn as he had delivered himself of
ne generality of mankind in general
are E3aerally disposed to exercise OPP
pfeshign upon the generality of mankind
IN efperai, = found that fear, like passion,
hapsa weights upon the tongue, even if
it does NOT master it quite Not less
parnNl was tue experience of the modest
missionary, who told an Exeter hall au-
dieiife be could not make a speech. nor
sing song, but should be happy to
| lsl,bEr ti.arfi his arms tatooed by the ma
This good mans offer shocked some of
his hearers, no doubt; but much greater
was the disnay created in more august
assemblage, by a right reverend father
announcing his intention &C dividing his
observations upon a certain bill into
twelve parts. Ere the threat vould be
executed, the duke of Wharton inter
posed with story of a drunken fellow
passing st. Paul's as the cathedral clock
struck twelve, and after counting the
strokes, looking up reproachfully at the
clock, exclaimed "Confound you, why
didn't you give us all that at once p
After that, the peers heard nothing of
the bishops views. Henry Clay dunn
founded wordy opponent, who boasted
that he spoke for posterity, by retorting,
" Yes, and you seem resolved to speak
until your audience arrives !"
The American weakness for spechify-
ing in and out of season is comically il !
lussrated by Artemus Ward story of an
Ohio execution, when, upon the sheriff /
asking a murderer if he wished to say /
anything before he gave the signal to
cast off, local Orator" pushed himself /
to the front, saying, If he hasn't, if our
i'll starved fellow-citizen doesn't feel III
elined to make a speech, and is in no
hurry, ] should like to avail myself of
the opportunity to make few remarks
on the necessity of a new protection
tariff" Some overdo the thing, like
the soldie ambitious ofentering congress,
who commenced his speech with, Eel
low citizens, have fought and bled
for my country. 1 have helped
to whip the British and the Indians.
I have slept on the field of battle,
with no covering but the canopy of
heaven. have walked over the frozen
ground, till every footprint was marked
with blood" Here he was brought up
by a voter inquiring, " is that true, mis-
ter? Yes, sir" said the candidate.
Well, then" was the unexpected
retort, {" | guess I'll vote for the other
fellow, for you've done enough for your
..sss4I7Ss 1ne palm mnst be awarded
s7riiarrrs TfIii Il r'sss! fss;:sisskhd r: ia leS
aseat nation The 8Iaoris are great
people. The English have called us to /
this great house. We sit here. They I
have pounded my COW at Wanganut. ] ,
have spoken" Sure so many truths
were never before set forth in as few I
words.
Metaphors, SMILES and comparisons
are dangerous things to dabble in. Or
ators who have not learned, like Biron,
that russet yeas and honest kersey noes
will stand them in better stead than
''fgures pedantical," are liable todeliver
of the sort of prose in which,
according to great authority, poetic
souls delight. Dick Turner, the first
man to dub himselfa tetotaller, invoked
his followers to action with, Comrades,
let us be up and doing Let us take our
oars on our shoulders and plow the deep
till the good ship Temperance sails gaily
over the landl"
In speaking, as in racing, good start
is desirable A capital one was once
effected by a newly-elected deputy
Stepping INTO the tribune with the air
of a man charged with momentous
mission. he commenced: 1t is necessary |
that / should speak to my country
Startled into silence by such a solemn |
exordium the assembly waited anxiously
while the orator paused for moment
ere he proceeded at is necessary
that | should speak to my e)untry-of
cheese"
lust as awkward in expressing what
was in his mind was the modern builder
who avowed himself better fitted for
the scafTold than for public speaking
and the north country mayor who
promised always to discharge his duties
with partialily and impartiality.
Ladies and gentlemen" said mana
ger TO his audience of three, " as there's
nobody here I'll dismiss you all; the
performance of this night will not be
performed, but viii be repeated to
morrow evening. Possibly this is an IN
vention, but it is not two years since Mr..
Speaker heard himself addressed thus +:
''Sir, seeing the effects of sorrow, upon
my life l thought it was TO morrow
Really, sir, l don't know whether 1t Is
tomorrow or yesterday, but l want to
know at what time the house will meet z!