South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-07-14


Because you can never catch cold in
your feet"
lV'I specs my behaved hearers"
said colorcd parson, | specs today to
take broad field in my 'scourcc. IL
takes mo good while 20 git away from
the dock, but when l once strike dc
deep water, den look out fur de big fish, :"
G-0 Refrain ofthe office holders" Nv
country, It's from thee, sweet land Of
liberty, from thee / steal"
MEAN ADvANTAGE.-Ther were
score or more of women gathered to-
gether at MIR. Johnsons house. Mr..
johnson is goodhearted man and a
respectable citizen, though lie is rather
skeptical about some things. The wo.
men had just organized The Foreign
Benevolent Society" when Mr.. johnson
entered the room. He was at once ap-
pealcd to donate few dollars as n
foundation TO work on. and Mrs Ora
ham added:
IL would be so pleasant in after
years Tor you 70 remember that you
gave this society it, first dollar and its
FIRST kind word
He slowly opened his wallet, drew out
n ten-dollar bill, and rs the ladies
srnacked their lips and clapped their
hands he asked:
is this society organized to aid the
poor of foreign countries?"
"Yes-ycs-yes :" they choruscd.
And it wants money!"
"Yes-yes ~
well, now" said johnson, rs he fol.
ded the bill in tempting shape. there
are twenty married women here. If
there are fifteen of you who can make
oath that you have combed your chill
dren's HAIR this morning, washed the
dishes, blackel the cooll-stove and
made the beds, I'll denote this ten dol.
lars"
Il have" answered two Of the crowd.
and the rest said:
why, now, Mr.. johnson :"
III fifteen of you can make oath that
Your husbands are not wearing socks
with holes in the heels this money j.
yours" continued the wretch
Just hear him ~ they exclaimed each
one looking at the other
If ten of you have boys without
holes in the knees of their pants this X
goes TO the society 70 said Johnson.
such man ~ they whispered.
IF there are Eve pair of stockings i'm
this room that don't need darnng I'll |
hand over the money" he went on.
Mr.. Johnson" said Mrs. Graham
with great dignity, the rules of the 80
ciety declare that no money shall he |
contributed except by members and as |
YOU are not Il member / beg that YOU |
will withdraw and let us proceed with .
the routine business -
EV-A little six-ycar.old boy went into
the country visiting. lie had bowl Of
bread aud milk. lie tasted it and then
hesitated a moment, when his mother
asked him IL he didn't like IT,. 10 which
he replied smacking his lips. Yes
mGam. / was only wishing our milk.
man would keep a cow
IVA man was told by a clergyman
10 remember Lots wife. lie replied II
have trouble enough with my own. with.
out remembering other mems wives
AF"Why do you not take wine with
your dinner?' asked gentleman Of
FIVE year old at his side while being en-.
tertained at fashionable dinner party.
'Tause ! don't like it." But take
little, then, for your stomach's sake"
lie urged. ! amt dot no tumick's
ache Indignantly responded tho li.tlc
miss
tV All Jenny" said sympatdz.
ing friend 90 q man who was inst too
ate for the train, you did not run fast
enough Yes. did" said Jenny,
but / didn't start soon enough"
LIZA little boy OF four.years, stand.
ng in the moonlight by his sister aged
Tx said 70 her Isn't God a good man.
Nelly to give us such beautiful moon?"
Oh Freddy" said the sister ia earn.
st rcmonstrancc, ''dont call God n
nan for if ever there was gentle .
nan, I'm sure God is that one