South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-07-07

ruifies the women, as usual. It is the
paying for it that rufiles the men.
TRUE TO THE LAsT.-"Man says Vic
tor Hugo, was the conundrum OF the
eighteenth century woman is tho con.
undrum Of the nineteenth century," An
American editor adds: "We can't |
guess her, but will never give her up.
No never"
e%Says a sentimental exchange
"What would the world be without wo.
man? A perfect blank. like sheet Of
paper-not even ruled" And it might |
have been added, ''nor scratched"
EV"HOw ARE you, this morning!"
said Fawcett TO Cooke. 'Not at all N.Y.
SELF says the tragedian. Then con. |
graduate you," replied Fawcett. "for,
be whoever else you will, you will be a
gamer by the bargain
tVIt was told Of famous tragedian |
that at the close of an act in which he |
had been the prominent character, |
goose's head was thrown upon the stage
by some one who had a spite against
him. The tragedian picked it up, hand.
ed it to one of the others, and said with
perfect nonchalence, The gentleman
who has thrown his head upon the stage
can get it back Mt the close Of the per
formance."
EpA tramp called at an East
street house for q breakfast. He was
told lie would be accommodated if he
sawed six sticks OF wood But he re.
fused. He said saving wood was not
III his line Of business. and drawing his
toga more tightly about his attenuated
form he moved away. This teaches us
that we should be careful how we speak
TO tho unfortunate and helpless.
Hrs SLEEPLEssNEss.- habbin
heap o'trouble wild sleepessness desc
nights" remarked an old darkey at
the suburban end Of State street the
other day.
"EIo-ho, reckon l knows all bout
dat" said another African near by.
"Yo' knows nuffin-dats what 70
knows" replied the old man.
"Sartin / do knows suthin'," chuck.
led the other '' knows well huff dat
you cant Sleep O nights; and sides /
ef dey's got any ehickens!'
The old darkey looked grieved at
these words, and as he turned away he
expressed his opinion of them by mum
bling "Ef dere's anything dat | hates.
it's to see two cullud gcmmen allus
quarrelin' wild each other-specially
wen dey bofe oh de same profession.''-
Brooklyn Aryus.
LET THE MAN OuT.-The late Rev.
DIR. Whiteman, one night sitting up
later than usual, sunk in the profundity
Of great folio tome imagined he heard a
sound III the kitchen inconsistent with
the quietude and security of house
and so taking candle, he proceeded to
investigate the cause Of the noise His
foot being heard in the lobby, the house
keeper began with all earnestness to
cover the fire, rs if preparing for bed.
You're up late tonight, Mary"
I'm jist raking the fire, sir and goin
to bed
That's right, Mary, like tmcous
hours
On his way back to the study he
passed the coal closet, and turning the
key, took it with him. Next morning
at an early hour, there was n rap at his
bedroom door, and request for the
key to put n fire on.
You're up too soon, Mary; you 90
back to bed vet"
Half an hour later there was another
rap and a similar request, in order to
prepare breakfast.
II don't want breakfast so soon. Ma.
ry, go back TO bed"
Another half hour and another knock
with an entreaty for the key, as it was
washing day. This was enough. lie
arose and handed out the key saying:
go, let the man out
Mays old sweet heart had been i'm.
prisoned all night in the coal closet rs
the the preacher shrewdly suspected,
where Piramis and Tuisbo like they had
breathed their love through the key.
hole.
How TO BECOME IIEno.-"If were
general" said Freddie. LAYING down
his history, II should be happy" Are
You not happy now?' asked Aunt Mar.
garet.
"Oh, yes; but long to be Il hero it
is something to be hero DO you not
think so?"
Yes" said Aunt Margaret; Il al.
miro hero. Shall | tell you how you
may become one,-a boy hero which
think, is far more noble than being
gencral2'
Yes said Freddie, eagerly do tell
me"
"By being master of yourself. DO
not give way to angry, wicked feelings.
The Bible says. lie that is slow 10 an
ger is better than the mighty and he
that ruleth his spirit, than he that takcth
city Think Of this when tempted TO
do wrong fight for the right, and You
will be u hero greater than a general"