Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-03-25
lWektg gutellieeater.
FACETIE.

Cincinnati Gazette: Probably that
ssfal of flesh" in Kentucky was ewing to
the explosion of a boarding house where
mysterious hash was 3 prom1nent dish
on the bill oftare.
A Chicago photographer has invented
a way of making a large mouth dimple
up and look strawberryfed, and he's
had to order three new camera and buy
twenty-four new chairs.-CFree Press.
A colored minister wishing to notify
his congregation that the Sunday after
noon services would be discontinued.
said: Hereafter in the afternoon there
will be no preaching in the afternoon
hereafter
At Il collection made at = charity lar q
lady offered the plate to q rich man VINO
was well known for his stinginess. -
have nothing" was the curt reply"
Then take Something, SIR" said the
lady; you know L am begging Tor the
poor"
T. A bright little three-year-old in Hart
ford, having become a little mixed be-
tween her religious Instructions and her
nursery rhymes, gravely recites: 'Ihe
Lord is my shepherd, and He has lost
His sheep, and He don't know where to
find them" & @
A scholar in a country school was ask
ed; How do you parse Mary milks
the cow?"' The last word was disposed
of as follows: Cow, a noun, feminine
gender, third person and stands for
Mary" Islands for Mary? How do
you make that out?" because" added
the Intelligent pupil, '.if the COW didn't
stand for Mary, how could she milk
her?"
When YOU 90 to a theatair, where a
fussy ushair. with centrally-parted hair,
and flowers in coat COLLAR, who seats
you in a chair. which belongs to anoth-
air, who comes late in great angair, and
with eyes of lurid CLAIR, calls you an in
trudair. rush to the managair, and after
a gushing swair, he'll scalp that young
ushair, with the centrally-parted hair,
and the rosy coat COLLAR.
"Ah, gentlemen" said the wanderer
W,nsIow to the London bailifs, zone
never realizes how much he loves his
country until he has been absent from
it." ats a 'eavenly feeling as does
you honnor, Mister Winslow,A sympa-
thetically added one of his keepers,'.bu
a gent in your sitiwatione will ave to.
hadn't that H'Ameriea h'isn't Railways
the 'ome of the treenABrooklynArg
A French money lender c~ernplatnedto
Baron Rothschad that|a n0bleman to
whom he had loaned 10000, francs had
gone off and left no acknowledgment of
the debt. write him and ask him to
send you Immediately the 10000 francs
he owes you,' said the willy banker. "But
he only owes me 10000" said the money
lender. Precisely, " rejoined the Baron;
3'and he will write and tell you 50, and
you will thus get his acknowledgements"
The Chinese residents of Chicago eel
ebrated W~ashington's birthday not only
by retaining from all washing, but in
the Compositions of patriotic poetry. Of
which this is g1ven as asample:
Was man name allie same Geoaghe
Do heap big. washee allie day long;
Z - Bjms;oys he glow Ss, S9 S yell Z much lshse'
A Wall street broker has not been to
church in twenty years. The other
day he went after salvation to the Hip
podrome and had his pocket picked. He
is now a pronounced heather.
A certain Judge whose pompous and
oficious ways tempted some OF the law
yers to acts which his honor construed
to mean contempt, fined them $40 each.
When they had paid their fines. a certain
dry and steady-going old attorney walk
ed up to the bench and very gravely
laid down a S1Obill. whats that form
said the judge. For contempt. your
honor" was the reply. why, 1 have
not fined you for contempt" answered
the Judge. Il know that said the law
yer, but l want you to understand that
l cherish a secret Contempt for this
court all the time and am willing to pay
for it."
Mr.. Magufin looked all over the table
in a vain search for the milk pitcher,
which stood about an inch and a half
from his elbow. Then he addressed
Mrs. Maguffin:
Darling, l don't see the milk"
Mrs. Maguffin (tartly)-sMy dear,
you couldn't move without upsetting il"
Modern Magufin Gage O-"Father,
do you know what that milk pitcher
would have done if it had been an ele-
phant?'
Ancient Magufin-'.No, my son, 1 do
not" " r.
Modern Magufin gushing his chair
back)-s'It would have busted you in
the snoot with its trunk.
& The heat of ManzanilIo, a small town
on the west coast of Mexico, is proven
bal. Col. Harry B. Becker, the famous
Mexican railroad manager, relates the
following excellent yarn to prove the
warmth of the place. The story runs
that a soldier stationed there, after lead
ing a not Toe exemplary life, was, when
he died, condemned to a lower region
not usually named in polite society.
Shortly however, after his burial, his
wife was not a little frightened to SEQ
him back again at Mauzanillo, and has
tening to his hut door. She ran out to
meet him. asking. 'what is the natter
He replied. cit was so cold down there
that l have come back here to get my
blanket, as 1 am afraid of catching cold.
A LEAP YEAR STORY.