Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-01-26

UIly
n A. shS laid SVer the back oil chair
n u And went to bed #S8 NH 4
* 1Sotanle. K
NhAtsIiifa name agAin? Mr.. Svl-i
vestef Biimp was landed on shis head |
out of his wagonat New Bedford the
other day.
The editor who was told that his
last article was as clear as mud,
promptlylreplicd, "Well, that covers
the ground. anyhow"
inst so far as racif ono ran trust
that he is ahoncstin life, just
SO far he is helping TO bring about q
better state Of things. m
h A very SLOW old gentleman saws he
viii wait and see what The Centennial
amounts to. If il is h success he will
60 to the next one after this. i',ass aII
A Texan banking firm at Fall River
has suspended. The rumor is that
cattle droyer passed a bad ten dollar
bill on them.t-N. y. Telegrom.qe
ilsfOh. we don't mind the fourth sto-
ry,' said an Ohio Congressman's wife
in choosing Washington lodgings, the
other day eve can 90 up and down
in the vcntillator."' Hhi t''-' lsH z 70
ono, sir" said a weary looking man
on a street car TO an Individual BY his
side. ~ wouldn't marry the best wo-
man alive. I've, been q drv-goods
clerk too long for that" " ,,,.a,,,
Z $50 out, young man; she's not
here Y said q Pennsylvania preacher
last Sunday, in the midst of his SER
mon, to ia youth whom he saw stand
ing hcsitatingly in the doorway
There is a bin before the California
Legislature, the purpose of which is
to secure to any person producing a
new variety of fruit an exclusive right
to PROPAGATE and sell il for, five years.
The Ackley Enterprise says, "one
of our business men received the
twenty first addition to his family the
other day--all alive but three. Who
is itsays the Caueassianis failure ~
A friend tells us ofthe comment Of
a, little boy Oflthfac wears upon his
fathers bald head. Papa" said the
little man, sspoarhair is too small for
yulas heaai'.siSyganxssi(. A. ~ Jous,-.
noi. suail al 4 ai4t!io, 9dl N
Punch 'sonee told a tlrDill story. OF a
man who, being suddenly raised to
riches, exclaimed, in the fllness of his
satisfaction. "Oh. that / could stand in
the road and sec lnysclfAride by in
my cfaliriagc;Ts1} 49, ,.'a5s''@a ','e'i
tit wasri Ben Franklin whotintro-
duced brDom-corn culture into this
coimtry.''e But thousands Of suffering
husbands would prefer to,sce the man
whointroduced broom handles Nor
sfsto,rsas Herald. 'ls Wi tied i1i -
7 Mrs. Amy Rigg adyeertisses in a
Texas paper that She, is able to whip
either of two women She saw walk
ing on her husband 3 arm q few nights
before. What an Amy-able woman
she must be- Ell? t*4,i MA @6g
are yc.iSmith ~ said Jones.
Smith pretended not to know him
and answered lfcsitatingly :H.Sir, you
have the advantage of me.'' .'A1cs, I
suppose so. Every body has that's got
cuulilloH scilseSi1 zitAf.5A Z -. 49, - it
A subscriber to a Southwestern
newspaper died recently, leaving four
years. Subscription unpaid. The edi-
tor,appeared al the grave and depos-
tied in the coffin a palm-leaf fan. a
liHif fna.e seat and an Thermometer rnprm
IN An ,Americanzed citizen was called
on as q witness i'm a case before, one
Of the JUSTICES lately, aud when the
oath was administered he raised both
hands and said: Il shall spoke nod
dings what amt drew. if ever hope
to die 80 Quick IS a minute
Book agent 10 lawyers clerk ,grcat-
~ bored: "Sir, you had better take
that book: You'll find it d remarkably
good investment, and" s.Can YOU
change q $l0tbiil spasks the clerk
fQh, yes, / can 10 that. - slThen you've
got a mighty sight more money than
l have. Good day Rochester Dem
0cfdt.' 4h'i''' 'i.'t ~
"Children," said a country minister
addressing a Sunday school. "Why
are we like flowers? What do we
have that flowers havc?" And small
boy in the infant class, whose breath
smelled of vcrmiftlge, rose mp. and
made reply. WORMS and the min
lister crept under the pulpit chair TO
hide his emations.a va Y.ta.f
When st. Louis gentleman meets
his neighbor in the morning he looks
surprised and asks, "IIai'nt you been
indicted yet p The reply is, "No I;
when did You snf ont ~ Then they
both langh In an imbecile way, as
though they both meant it for a joke,
and go and take drink Of the 'crook-
ed, s't
Father Powers, q Catholic priest Of
Sioux City, during o fit Of insanity,
jumped from the upper floor Of Mcr-
cy Hospital, at Davenport where he
was being treated to the ground, "a
distancep fifty feet. Strange to re-
late, he escaped with no other injury
than broken arm, wv
A suit came off in Kansas the other
day in which the plaintiff wished TO
recover damages for a dog shot by
defendant for eating go pounds of
pork in six hours. II was decided
lthata dog weighing twenty pounds
could not cal go pounds OF pork In
six hours, and o verdict Of $40 was
rendered In favor of tho dog, SO
During a honsc-walming. ut Leay-
enworth. the other day, pet bear, es-
capped from his keeper, walked grave
ly into the room, 10 take a hand in the
dance. There was a general stampede,
and tho first casG on record ola good
square hug. III is supposed that the
modesty of tho yonng ladies was
shaekcd hy his bear kin. Cincinnati
Iimfs, a.
I A youthful clergyman who, recent
~ went forth to cnlightcn tho ignor-
ant while dealing with the parable Of
the prodigal son, was anxious to
show how dearly the parent loved his
child. Drawing himself together,
and putting on his most sober lopk,
he diiated on the killing Of the fatied.
calf. The climax was as follows; al
shouldn't wonder II The father had
kept that ca,f for gears, awaiting the
Peturli of his son. 33G4d
Z "a q az a Z + ~ .
I Scene at a Brooklyn wedding break
fast. Company all seated around the
table. 4 pause in the general lcolver-
sation. Happy husband, to his wifa's
sister at the other end
lof the room: .sWelLl Julie, iyon have
Id ilnew brother now Julie: "Yes,
bnt mother saidIto papa the other day
| that shcsMas afraid fy0al would never
amount to much,l but that it seemed
to be, Sarah's . last chance.n Intense
silence for asmoment, followed bS, a
rapid play of knives and forks ii
r. tsftittle Aleck Stephcns-pale, ema-
ciated, but determined "a year or two
before the war challenged to mortal
combat Ben Hill, the Confederate
hero Of yesterday ! debate. Mr.. Hill
declined and wouldn't fight. When
the war came on Mr.. Hill went into a
l'bomb-proof, and again refused to
fight. To-day, when sour boys are
| for peace Hill i, for war, OF such
stun is this hero made Wash. Va
tiohda -Rep4b,icda., - '''fs'. u 9 Z =
a Where isno timc.fs he remarked,
beauiingly. ashe stood M To- carve