The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-02-10
WHOLE NO. 1499.
Miscellaneous.

Countcr-claims-Your wife's shopping
bills.
How strikingi Messrs. Hiiz A Kichs
keep = lagcrbier saloon uptown.
The rich" said a Dutehman, "eat ven.
ison because II ish deer. | eat mutton
because IL ish sheep"
The intensely poeticAl editor Of the
Austin (Tex.l Reveilie describes = recent
gorgeous sunset in that vicinity ~ 70.
sembling ripe pumpkin wrapped In tho
American dag.
Han-"Do you think II would bo safe
for me 10 cross this pasturo1
Maid-"well. the old bull don't like
red very much. but u you will chalk
your nose j guess ho won't attack you.
The London Rothschild IL dead, and
every poor devil Of an editor remarks
with satisfied complaecncy that money
could not save him" Poverty don't save
a man either.
S,"You Ain't afraid 10 der said the
clergyman. tenderly.
NO" replied tho sufferer. I'm only
/ afraid II do that the old woman will 90
snooting among. my private papers the
frat thing"
! Twelve hacks went over 10 tho AS
train yesterday afternoon and brought
back one passenger, which - an average
Of four cents hack. And yet people
wonder Why hAokmcn are profane
The time when a man fully reaiiIes
that womans sphere should be enlarged
/ Is when he finds that hia waaherswoman
has mistakenl bis stockings for hia shirt
bosom. and starchod them accordingly.
when a man detects a missing button
after getting on q clean shirt. no one In
the house is aware Of the fact. Ho.tAkes
/ of the shirt and puts on another, quietly
smiling all the while y He. never. never.
speaks Of il 10 . soul M. ..... ~
David Dudley Field is not a.toaehor Of
I pcnmanship. Recently he signed a legal
4 document and sent IL 20 \ printer iu Al
bany The proof was sent o,him 20 be
read, and David Dudley Field in man.
uscriPl appeared In type as Tried and
duly fled
The boy At the head Of the class will
state lwhat were the dark ages Of the
worldT' Boy hesitatca. Next. Master
/ Biggs. can you tell me what the dark
ages wcrcT Il guess they were tho afes
before spectaclcs were invented" 90
70 your seats
young woman in chieago.. pot her
false teeth in = glass Of water AZ night.
and In the morning found them imbcd.
ded in chunk Of solid ice She was
late az breakfast. the process Of thawing
out tho teeth with bonfire of matches
having been slow.
A Chinaman In California. whose life
was insured for = large amount. was se.
riously hurt BY falling from . wagon.
| There was some doubt Of hia ever getting
/ better, and az length one of hia friends
wrote 10 the insurance company. Char
ley half dead Ike half money.
We didn't see anybody on New Years
/ that we could conacientiouaiy call drunk.
but We observed one fellow who bad his
shadow backed up against an alley gate,
holding IL there with his finger showed
through q knot hole and talking Il TO
death with tuneompromiasng graNisy.-
tEaston Free Press.
"win.your Honor please charge the
i Jury" asked an ArkouHaa lawyer .at the
! conclusion Of a horae-thief trial n
will, rreplicd his Honor. the Court
/ charges each jurymAn one dollar for
\ drinks. and siK dollars extra for the onc
I who-used the Court'a hat Tor a spittoon
during the firEt day Of the session"
A lady remarked 10 = popular divine
I that hih sermons were . little too long
"Dou't you think 90 said she-'just a
I littleT "Ahi dear madam" replied tho
/ divine, Il am afraid you don't like the
sincere milk Of the Word. Eyes.
do" said she. but you know the fash
ion nowadays is condensed milk.
Judge Brady. OF New York. tells this
good story He was ono day on the
wharf while an emirrant ship was com.
ing In. An lriah laborer, who knew
him. edged alongside. and, after = look
At the crowded ship. turned 10 the judge
and said. Tell ye what. Misther. Brady,
thin furrincrs Is Foin' 70 play the diyil
with "a entirely. Whatu We do az al.
at all.
j A clergyman Of country village
l church desired 10 give notice that there
would be no service In the afternoon. a.
\ be was going 70 oficiate for another clcr.
l gyman. The clerk. az soon aa the SER
mon was finished. roae up with all due
solemnity. aud cried out, Il am request.
| ed TO give notice that there will bo no
service this afternoon. as Mr. l.. l. going
uhhiuk Win Ahothef Ntef kymAhs
The boys Of winnemucca. Nevada. had
some fun with a Snowman. They formed
q line from the ticket Office extending
around a near corner Each asked the
/ price Of admission. and. when being told
/ that Il was hfty cents. shook bis head.
said Il was too dear. retired. and fell In
At the rear Of the line. This was kept
up until the Snowman. astounded By tho
unanimity and the seemingly great num-
Der. reduced the charge. and then every
boy cleared out.
A fellow In Kentucky ran away with
| farmers daughter and horse. and vas
hotly pursued. The farmer got within
close range. and hourishcd a revolver.
Don't shoot. for heavens sako| shout
ed the lover Il wont" waa the reply,
cause I'm afcard III hit ther hoas.
just leave ther boss and take thor GAL
The compromise was accepted By The
young folks, who walked on 20 the
preachers house. the father riding homo
on his horse.
Al Saratoga, the other day. a bride
groom stepped OF the cars for a moment
and tho train vent OF with hts bride.
Ha followed BY the next train down.
/ aud she on the other hand returned ~
/ the next train up. and they passed each
| other on the road This operation was
l repeated. each trip leaving them Al dit
l fercnt ends Of tho route. until peremp.
tory telegram kept the bride stationary