The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-05-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

NEVOO 1EMSo
: a cellar underground; as1Gissef rad
a rum: an e1psapive wife ,kes
-csnennIal OATH" Raise your littl.
hatchet-h 10 sworn. ~ '~w-
The s>cents oESonor,s howevk steep
netI app6AE Inaccessible. D.
b. There n no eeif under he sun mon
tntolerable than ultra politeness.
Tho good of . mans life cannot b
measured by the length OF his funeral
procession.
Money can't defeat justice, but it can
generally beat the opposing counsel, and
that's the next best thing.
"A religious paper published in Ten.
nessee ,says:, hose fof out subscribers
who pay promptly are marked as Chris.
The 3proy@n says, "Iaugh and grow
lat What saving of corn it would be
if pigs could laugh is the reflection OF
somebody. -
The first vote ever cast in Cincinnati
by an \ mericanR citizen Of Chinese birth
was polled recently at the municil,a. etec-
ton by Chinaman named Joseph Sing.
With quickened pulse tie streams are racing
and the buds 'laugh to burst while the sun Is
The iis 9oss q winter away. q, ''|'s'S'.
-"Vill you dake someding?" said q
German teetotaler to friend, while stand.
ing near tavern. II don't care if uo,'
was the reply. swell, den, let US tax a
valk."'
"A New Orleans girl who had an offer
Of marriage from Mr.. Moore, wrote him
note asking time to consider the matter,
and closed her communication, with, = No
more at present."
-" bout this time look out for colds. "
But 1t is. not necessary. The man who
cannot catch a cold without looking out
for it hasn't enterprise enough. 10 sneeze
ii he should catch one. 81! "a
-Mistresses show more consideration
for their servants than is generally sup
posed. Not long ago Mrs. Fidgitt was
heard telling Mary Ann that she had been
securing the whole house for her.
A man who contracted debtof 81 ,t43
promised to it in two installmsats
Last week he forwarded $11, and prom.
ised to send the other $43 as soon as the
Elderly agriculturist to season-ticket-
holder on the train: "You don't have no
ticketr" "No, I travel on my good
looksl" "Then," after looking him over,
probably you amt going very farH'
General smile
The leading men of both parties in
Henniker, N. H., have signed am agree
ment, to be in force for six years, to the
elect that candidates for Representatives
and town officers are to be taken equally
from each party.
A Preston man has been missing for
three days; and, as he was recently mar
ried, grave doubts exist as to whether he
is sitting round in hay lott somewhere
meditating on the price OF spring bonnets,
or has merely drowned himself.--A0,4oscA
Bulletin.
"A blacksmith IN Humboldt County,
CAL, offered himself as bail tor a prisoner
whose trial was put off till the next term.
Are you surely worth $500 above all
your debts?' inquired the Recorder.
Why, sir, hold my wife to be worth
$500 Without counting the property"
" Ih:' Court is satisfied take the bail IRE.
Iiicd the Recorder.
1t Is we'll enough to tslk of elevat1ng
the tone of social conversation, but when
a wcllmeaning young man tries to intro
duce protoplasm as subject, at little
gathering, and finds that everybody thinks
he is reterring-to new kind of plaster,
and considers him indelicate in doing
so, he is apt TO- feel that the life of the
reformer is kind of perpetual picnic on
an ant-hill-St. LOUIS Republicans. " ~: :,
,-Schopenhauer, the German, .philoso-
pher, was accustomed to placea gold-piece
by the side of his plate as he sat down to
dinner, care ully pocketing it again when
he had Gone eating. Several noble officers
one day asked him jcstingly what was the
reason Of his curious action. He replied !:
" l have vowed to give this golden piece
to beggar the day you and your col
leagues stop talking about women and
horses. l have been waiting ten years."
Perry township, Berks County, Pa,
lays claim to the healthicst man OF his
age, and probably the healthiest man in
the State. He is seventy odd years old,
never rode in the cars, and says he never
will. His morning ADDITIONS are per-
formed at spring, some fifty yards distant
from his residence, which he visits, rain or
slime without shoes or hat on. During
the winter season he breaks the ice with
his bare feet. He possesses an erect, robust
and healthy frame.
The Police Magistrate at Hamilton,
Can, has delivered a judgment that puts
him at least on a par with Solomon in all
his legal glory. Two men disputed the
ownership Of valuah carrier pigeon,
and each produced tn~ l:!' st complete evil
ln~ a. <ol>l IL, L. IL. 4
that OF his opponent. A happy thought
struck the Magistrate. If it is your
bird" he said TO one claimant, it will
know the way home" The sutton re-
piled that it would. A similar question
to the other party in the case evoked the
same reply. "Then," said the Court to the
Sergeant who had the bird in custody,
I" let il go, and it will find its way home"
And the bird and the case were simulta-
neously thrown out of court.
"A few days ago a cat and kitten were
presented to lady, who conveyed them
to the store of Mr.. Edwards, for the pur-
pose of having them taken into the country.
They were sent down on the train Mon
day afternoon to Santa Clara, on the
Southern Pacific Railroad, and deposited
in residence in that town. Yesterday
morning, before the train from that sta.
ton had arrived in this city. the cat wan
dered into the house OF its first owner in
this city, presenting tired and worn out
appearance: Inquiry revealed the fact
that cat and kitten were nowhere to be
seen about the Santa Clara House yester-
day morning, and it is presumed that the
cat carried the kitten part of the distance,
and left it to its fate, completing its lonely
journey of forty nine miles in the dark.
The cat will remain in the family.-ISan
FrGncisco Chronicle.
INCIDENTS AND ACCIDENTS,