Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1876-08-12
VARIETY.

siStS oil 4 sinals t!eCtliS Suc'"N -" "
holder. which is used as pen. The machine
works needle that pierces the paper, making
five thousand or six thousand holes minute
and in writing the needle moves SO fast that 1t
does not drag nor tear the paper. The piece
of paper is placed in frame. where the holes
are filled with iuS, then sheet of paper Is put
under it, it is rolled, and peri ct fac-simile
of the writing is obtained. These fac-simlies
can be produced at the rate of five or SIX
MINUTE.
A young widow is, perhaps, the most inter-
,sting object in nature-or art. Sue repre-
sents experience without its wrinkles or It's
gray hair. She has matronly beauty and
maiienly freedom combined. SLeis grief Win
a laughing eye-sorTow in house OF festival
"a silver moon in a sable cloud. She Is too
sweet for anything Like all good things, sho
can only be created at great sacrifice. Mrs.
Browning says that man must be pretty
thoroughly spoiled before he can leave
widow.
She tried to sit down In a street car, but was
pinned back SO tight she couldn't. Old lady
peepel over her specs aud asked, " How long
bayeyou been afflicted that way?" Thcyouns
lady blushed and made q" a break sitting
down sideways, and holding Eer knees toscth-
er so tight that she looked as if she had on
pair Of oHc-leggcd breeches. Old lady noticed
her sitting in this sideways cranped position
aud whispered. Bi!es, sposei I've had EN-
thar myself"
TIE MORNING PEA .zE.-Ilavins seen
number of morning pra"ers for children 10 tho
Presop.eica, send you one composed b. my
uncle the late Eev. DR.. Elliott, Of Allegheny
Theological Seminary
G e!t Coo ? end M 10 l'igp 'e!,
N.' 'e .ne obec. o c. 9e;
.om or,ur O. es -~',d a. wsy.
A,d be ~ g., zee orc Ior. &c d3
borld n 90 70, 2.
300 le; = -. zee W. ~ .e We;
shorlG de 30 q. 90. c re no ne.
Saved az o. lie ne -so-'l % So''
As roy lis d. / wa,e ON s'een,
give zee, O'c, ~ sou' % ~ett,
" ,hord ise, e, 9e re;
,hoI,O t'e, q G ne % 4hee.
Have you child en2" demanded house
renter Yes" replied the other, solcmnly,
''six-all in tie cemetery" Better there
than here" said tne landlord, consolingly, aud
proceeded to c. ecutc tue desired lease. 10 duo
time the children returned from the cemetery,
whittier tLey bad been sent 10 have a nice play,
but it was too late to anpul the contract.
"Suppose," said Mr.. Adolpbus SlaPs'dc,
our village school teacher, addressing the first
geography class, su9posc-now listen, boys
and girls-I we're to go ont on the pay ground
and pierce hole through the center Of tho
earth, aud drop stone in it, wuere would it
come out?" Out Of tue o,her end Of tho
hole" was the ready response Of late johnny
Sharp.
A wit was dreadfuly bored BY s.upid fcl-
low who persisted in taking to him on naiu-
raj history. There's the oyster, at last said
the bore, what's your notion as TO the idea
that the oyster Is possessed of reason? ?" q"
think it may be trne," said the wit because
the oyster knows enough to shut It's mouth"
A youth was endeavoriEg to enjoy an even
ing in tho company Of young lady upon
whom he had called, but found a serio's OBJ
stace in the person Of a Stern father, who at
length vcntu;ed very plainly to ultimate that
the hour rorreIiring had arrived.
al think you a.e correct my dear III" re-
turned the unsbasbed young man. " "Wehavo
been waiting for you TO go to bed for more
han an hour"
Mark Twain, speaking Of new mosquito
netting writes: "1'he dag is coming wbcn
we saall sit under orr nets IN church and
slumber peacefully, wAie the d'scomGtted flies
club together and ,a'e it out Of tue minister"
"Faitb." said an Irishman, who could not
get into MS cabin at Bal!,ngary, bis wife hav-
ing turned tie key upon him, " It's meself
that's reg ally locked TO-" "ln = said bis
companion: "In waerc?" "Why, in the
/ street
A gentleman having an appointment with
another who was habitualy unpuuclral, to bis
great surprise found him waiting. He thus
addressed him Why, | see you ac here first
at last. Won we always Lenind before but
/ am glad to zee yon lave come earig Of late.
A man in Chicago ,he other day, with no
hair on bis head aud bullet hole ia tire calf
Of his eft leg, said taat bc was satisfied that
there is gold in the Black Hills. He also said
that be was satisfied that there are Indians in
the Black Hills.
A western paper announces the Illness Of its
editor, piously adding: All good paying sub
scIiJers are eques,ed to mention him 10 taeir
prayers. The Others need not as TIC prayers.
Of tic wic-ed avail pothing.'-
The young iGan tr't can catch red-ho.
base ball without hurting bis hauds, aud then
complain that tie axe handle bIisieIs them
when bis mo,ner asks him to spit kindlins
wood, needs rCcopstructiug.
at was simply an informal affair."" wrote
the editor, Of a l.tic strawberry party at
neighbor's house. It was simply an internal
affair." read the composi;or; and that editor
viii never get any more invitations from that
I ouayter