, 1876-06-16
WIT AND HUMoR.

CHILD WIFI INO ldCeS was bOAA -
Gently in Alabama. 1t died before be-
coming known as politician.
The letter 60" is called the. most
charitable of all the alphabet, because 1t
is found oftener than any other IN do
ing good"
The Philadelphia Bulletin accounts for
saueahng Sunday boots by saying, ~
is because their soles havnt been alsled
for a week"
"Will the coming man steal! asks the
Chicago Times. Probably not. Ihere
won't be anything left for the poor fel-
low to take Rochester Democrat.
A CHILD can pick up good deal of in
formation if it will keep its ear open
while its mother is conversing through
a hole in the fence with the woman next
door.
"Do THEY ever bark ?" asked old Mrs.
Dorkins. gazing ut pair of stuffed sea
dogs in the museum. "No, mum, said
EI3athan. mot now. Their bark is on
the sea.
"I woUED not, for any money, says
Jean Paul Richter, "have any money IN
INV youth" That's the way we feel. We
vonld much rather have it now Det.
Free Press,
"RnorHER why don't yod ask the
stranger to pray?" "Becanse, reProv-
ingly replied a deacon, " this amt no
place for practical jokes. That mans the
President of gas company"
'THEsE smoking, chewing Christians
never will reform the world" says Mr..
Moody, and yet Mr.. Spurgeon, Just as
good authority, regards his pipe as
means of grace Buffalo Courier.
NORWICH Bulletin: An indignant cor
respondent wants to know which Is the
worse. a highwayman, or q grocer who
gives false measure. We should say 1t
was about the same-both of them lie In
weight.
That must have been beautiful sight
at the Moody and Sankey meeting when
four mothers-in-law arose to present
special requests for prayer that their
sons-iu-law might experience a change
of heart.
CHEMISTS say there is more strength
in buttermilk than in brandy, but we
don't believe it, as a gallon of buttermilk
cannot throw even a child, while pint
of brandy can floor an able-bodied man
quicker'n scatl
A NAN in South Hadley, who has Just
got out of a lawsuit, wants to obtain a
large framed picture of a COW, with one
client at the head and the other at the
tail, pulling, and the lawyers meanwhile
quietly milking.
'Now, said q citizen Of Rawlins, Wyo.
Ter. at recent dance, "you see that
heifer in q red dress that's my wife ; an
ef yer dance with her more'n two times,
pard, I'll shute the hull top nv yer he'd
of. Whatn yer drink9" e
"IMAKR it point, madam, to study
nv own mind" said q gentleman to
lady who had exhibited some surprise at
an opinion he expressed. Indeed, she
replied, az didn't suppose you under
stood the use Of the microscope"
MARY-"I say, Mrs. Mccarthy, this
'ere's a very bad cabbage" Mrs. McC.
--''Sure now, and is it, honey? Then
pick another. Bless ye, young cabbage
Is like sweethearts-you must thry half
9 dozen fore ye gets good wan"
GEoRaR II. being informed that an i'm
pudent printer was to be punished for
publishing a spurious royal speech, said
that he hoped the punishment would be
light, because so far as he understood
either, he liked the spurious one best.
ABOUT this time, when a woman goes
tothe head Of the stairs and cries, 'tJane,
have you seen anything of the claw-ham-
mer?s It is curious to see with what agil-
ity her husband viii get into his clothes,
skipping, button after, and bounce for
the front door, Brooklyn Argus.
"TKNxn CLATLrN fatters herself, " says
an exchange, " that she looks like the
first Napoleon" They do indeed bear a
very striking personal resemblance to-
each other. We have forgotten, though,
whether the first Napoleon was knock
kneed dornot.-- Louisville Courier our.
Coop takers are becoming rare now
a-days, but are occasionally to be met
with. Ofone whose conversation is very
entertaining, but rather Disconnected, a
witty lady once remarked, "Oh, yes; he
is very clever; but he talks like book
in which there are leaves occasionally
missing"
"YoU have q alawyerl' said Justice Blk
by, of New York, looking inquiringly at
the youthful prisoner. ''I have, your
Honor" replied the weeping lad, point
ing to a smiling and well-known Tombs
practitioner. "Then I will save you
from him, continued his Honor. You
may go"
Now set ont q centennial tree. Set
one out. Don't fail. If you have no
tree buy one. II you have no money
borrow it. 1t makes no difference what
sort of a tree. If you have no land set
it out in the street. Show your grit. If
the police interfere tell them it is CEN
tennial tree, and if they haul it down
shoot 'em on the spot. Think of James