National Republican., 1876-01-29
MARIA" and her BIRDS.
HARVESTED IRON fHg nEI0 OF CRIME
sTATIoN-KEEPER AND HIS WORK
A MAN WITH A COUNTERPART
ONE WHO WENT OFF HALF Cooked
GIVEN THE BENEFIT OF A DOUBT
A LOVER LOWLY LAID.

down into the dingy basement after last nights
harvest OF criminals, and, taking their seats on
the rough deal benches, patiently awaited re-
turning footsteps.
"They are comin'," said q youth, the crown Of
whose hat had gone q visiting, and, sure enough,
they were. There is something melancholy
about the heavy, measured tread OF men bur-
dered with crime moving by the compulsory
force OF law towards the bar of justice. 1t is as
near the sound of q funeral procession as any
thing ever gets in this life, and when the boy
with crownless hat remarked, "The circus will
now begin to play" nobody blamed the keeper
for looking the top of his specs at him, until
he shrank from view behind q burly man. whom
the mold fof nature had shaped and fashioned
telligent expression found generally In that ami
NAL. Tho keeper was about to say something
audience, when Marcus opened the door and
ushered in his regiment, and marched them
single file before the keeper, who said: us this
Tho sum totum with accrued interest,"" re-
turned Marcus.
swoop, hey all my pretty chicks! the garEered
grain CLEANED from the broad field OF the great
siys iniguty those " M9om 9edn pps pb
bywsys, from the hedges and ditcnes; those OF
the flock OF our common humanity who had gone
astrsy. The face of this black sheep at the head
of the class here looks familiar Is not your name
"No, Sir; I'm william Judge, of Apple-seed
"Ies, but last week your name was Robinson,
That's the fellow who looks like me-"
And acts ike you?'
And eats, breathes, walks, steals. drinks, hears
and blows his nasal organ Ike you?"
"Weil, if that is the case, out OF friendship,
think you had better go up for WHILE for If tnGt
fellow should commit murder you might have TO
hang for it, and that would not be agreeable, you
know"
"But-o
"Uh, DON'T but now, for you know Just as we'll
as / co that it is all for the best" and Marcus
elevated him into the chariot with "rehex-ac;i0n
boost"
DRoSE IN THE PROFESSION.
When the next culprit moved up TO meet the
mercy Of the keeper, az of!eer presented himself
young man that be was arrested ia front of the
National theatre engaged in loud and boistsrous
talking"
II am glad to meet you, my friend, and kindly
thank the officer for the Introduction. have
often heard about your profession, and have
your regular duties are, but for some reason or
other, l never could find dead-head ticket
The young man didn't even blush. He didn't
know how. When he was a boy he fell ont of
third-story window and ais shted n his cheek; but
OF tobacco and looked longingly out Of the win
dow at a picturesque ash heap.
"You attend the thsatre on the outside, be-
lieye," continued the keeper; '.you stand up in
row with members Of your profession when the
people are going In and coming out and watch
any % further whether You can look nice, plump,
pretty girl square in the eye, tumble your cane,
spit your saliva and make rude remark all in the
"I never do such things" said the youth whose
blue eyes and red necktie contrasted with the
.Oh, well, then, you are useless drone in your
Stay down, as the ladies and gentlemen won't
miss you ~ and as Marcus has o sister whom he
prizes dearly, and who occasionally attends the
theatre, he caught the fellow by the arm and
pinched 1t black and blue before he reached the
chariot
HE WENT OFF HALF-cocKED.
"Oh, is this the image OF darkness that SEQ
before me, whose blossomed nose flashes like sui
pburous lightning in the collied night, and whose
bleartd eyes glesm with the radiance Of a basket
ENo, SIR" said Marcus. "that's John Stoner, the
much m 1 Tenown, % man who can Knock Knock g man into a
gets cooked himself occasionally. He is half
"Does he ever 60 of halEeocked:' inquired the
keeper.
the answer before Marcus could decide what to
say: -. s,-.
sake, you msy go of in the Maria, but If you
make too much noise about 1t, I'll charge you
next time in a way that Will explode all your
he shot out Of the door and was hurriedIy loaded
and rammed into the furtherest corner Of the
chariot, where he fell into q heavy slumber and
HHe sleeps" said Marcus as he returned and
saluted the keeper, land seems to eojoy the
honey. heavy dew Of slumber."
THE SORROWS OF A JILTED MAN.
"why these pensive smiles, young man, nni all
this thougbtiui TeekonIng?" These words Of the
keeper were addressed 10 q young man who ap-
mDes se IN Ss pery sStuis and his
heart heayed Win holloNsounding sigh as ne
"Yee, OF course,h said the keeper; 'sbut you
must bear in mind, my friend, that we all cannot
shuttle of and be angels, You know; some OF US
vicissitudes OF life and keep the ball rolling.
What If Marcus and I, and that man there, and
throush b the dark valley and cross over the river,
who would there be len to run for Congress and
keep the peanut stands"
Of time;" and tho young man bit his lip and sHal.
lowed q sob.
"'Twas but yesterday that on this troubled sea
of life my bark was dashed against the breaker OF
fate more cruel than any which history doth
thing filled with nothingness; q barren waste on
which 'twere bitter death to live; most foul and
Dated S
gently on the back and told him to "let his trou-
bled soul subslde for the sun shneth for all, and
the stars were twtnkling merrily."
"Yes, but not for me-" said the young man,
.alas not for me: they have lost their lustre, and
al is DARK"
'My young stripling," said the keeper. 81 have
not the time to dive down deep into the phIloso-
ply Of this solemn affair, but If you have got any
good reasons for getting drunk last night, and
knocking in those 'front.' windows on the Avenue,
you will have our respectful attention while you
present them"
oh, sir, you are cruel to tell me Of my sins
while my heart is thus bowed down with unsup-
portable grief. You are old enough to know
that the course OF true love did smooth"
"Ha! ha! there Is q girl in 1t, hey?" said the
keeper, smacking his lips.
"Now you have said 1t, sir; now you have dis
covered the sad mystery. But, sir, she was beau-
tiful, with eyes Of unfathomable depths, whose
liquid lustre charmed my soul, and held 1t SPELL
bound there"
4 "Where?" said Marcus, deeply interested.
"And In moment, when hope was rising high
above par, IL proposed, and she said that was
her privilege In this Centennial year, and re-
quested me 10 dig"
"Dig what:" said Marcus, with eyes sgIow and
lips apart. .
'sDig out, get away. vamose the rancho is what
she meant, and fed in anguish, and sought the
flowing bowl"
added the keeper. 81 know, (" he continued, 'that
It is hard TO be Tilted; how how IT rents and
tears the human heart; how It gnaws like an in
sidious worm at the core, but that Is no ressou