The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-06-10
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

his sarsaparila advertisements, and calls II re
ter Cooper.
Soueeanscienceless wretch sends in the double
;nnmiry of WHY Is an author recting patnetle
story like COW In fy.tme, and why is Tue ny
like train of cars leaving the main traen, "ns
he's base enough to explain that ts an az y
the cow has moving tau ana DecauSe '"e ny -
switched oif-St. Louis Rsp.
II was harder on Bris.ow than the Kick OF ior'
" mules when the Blaine and Mortonites prov
cd on him that he quit the Union army because
he was unwilling to fight by the side oil 1he
damniggers: but here is something still worse
This must finish him:
At the National Woman Suffrage Convention
in New York Mrs. Wood, who had been a gov.
eminent clerk, stated that woman name NO,
riyen) entered Secretary Bristow's once ana
Said; AZ have been promoted for nara iaooI ~
yonr service, step by STEP up to Sl,ooo posi-
.ion WV am NOW turned out? The Secre-
tarv' according to Mrs. Wood, looked sternly AZ
her and REPLIED: "Sixteen hundred dollars q
wear is too much for any woman.
They arc selling bread for five cents loaf in
Aurora now. and Hawkins, of the Ne,rS, thinks
mat he can live until the coming campaign Is
oyer.-Elgin Times.
B,ead, You publican, 30 you think we'd eat
nlebian fodder OF that sort: They don't trust
aurora Ae'rs.
One of the circus clowns puts this conundrum:
WHY is the centennial at Philadelphia like home
Because it is the dearest spot on earth.
man with triumph in his eyes, rushed in
This morn to saw that Abdul Aziz was now Abdul
Azisn't We told him he WAS the one thousandth
man who had already vouchsafed that lniorma'
ton. and then handed him over to policeman
". Y. Com. ADJ. .-..-
The st. Louis Times thus impovcs on Mother
Goose: -r
Don, Dom the Cameron,
Got an office as Simon's son,
The price was paid, and pipes were laid
For Presidential Conklng raid
Lubbock still insists that bees are not OF
sympathetic nature And yet this gentle insect,
with the buff mainsail and red.hot rudder, has
frequently brought tears Of sentiment to our
eyes.
An exchange thus propounds and answers IT.
Why Is a man eating soup with fork like an.
other kissing his sweetheart Because 1t takes
so long to get enough OF it,
Correct.
u. $. Grant, Jr. has been admitted to the bar
in New York and opened law office. Grant
Junior don't see why he can't thrive by his prac-
tice, when the old man has grown rich by his
practices.
II is nine years since Anna Dickinson attained
the age of twenty eight and still she hangs, like
slowly ripening peach. at the critical notch OF
sweet thirty three Brooklyn Argus.
In announcing the marriage Of Miss Mary
Hoops, the Boston Advertiser presumes that she
will continue to wear her maiden name.
Senator Morton got his work in lively on
Blaine when he produced the witness Muliigan
before the congressional investigating commit
tee. But Blaine has given kick back ms vi
cous as Morton found the heels Of Bristow'
mules
Jim Bennett Is training a mustang. But does
he know that the public is mustangxious TO heal
what has become OF Stanley?
The editor OF the Brooklyn Argus is unmarried
He thinks mnsln dresses are cut out with O
lawn mower.
Louisville CourierJournal. When the boot.
black of the second assistant door.keeper's
brother ln.law is detected In embezzling nckle,
radical journalism, with one accord, exclaims:
." II such frightful frauds occur under the pres.
ent limited rule in the house, what are We to ex.
pect when the democratic party obtains entire
control of the government"
The ex.sultan lie rumored to have died sudden
~ from an attack Of apoplexy. What made EN-
think it apople xy, was probably the string around
his neck.-St. Louis Rep.
In reference to Peter Ccoper's hope that his
candidacy may become unnecessary by the Gin
cinnati OF St. Louis convention bringing relief to
the country by voting more greenbacks, the
Hartford Times begs Peter to remember the little
story he must have heard in about 1870 about
two sailors who were fighting on one of tie
docks in New York One cried out, Enough!
Have you got enough? said the victor. Yes;
enough, enough screamed the under dog in
the fight Then ] will give you little more,
said the greenback, and he pelted away. The
people cry enough on the greenback policy.
Then we will give you some more responds
Centennial Peter.
He entered an Aurora SAIGON, and as the sign
"No trust met his gaze he weakened. He dug
his finger nails into his head and went into a
state OF thoughtfulness. He frightened up,
and, approaching the bar, quietly said, Bour
bonn Wipng his mouth on u dilapidated coat
sleeve, he added Put 1t on the slate" =" Do
YOU see shat sign?" said the bar tender, pointing
aloft al do, but, my friend, have you never
heard that all signs Jail in dry tin,esr" IL was
marked down on piece OF ice and set 10 the sun
to dry in.-.Aurora Ne,cs.
It is strange how often it happens that the
place where an article ia most needed is the
worst place TO offer it for sale The Indiana pa
pers tell shocking story Of a man who starved
to death on the highway in that state the other
day while trying to exc out living by selling
soGp.
ANYBODY in want OF frst-class harem should
apply early TO the relatives o! the late Mr.. Abdul
A. khan.-Iimes.
Brooklyn ought to be a good market for such
wares.
Simon Cameron, the papers say, was born .
few days before Washington died. Is that wha
killed George!
II is, we believe, the paragraphlst OF the ST
Louis Republican who concocts the following
elaborate SANDER on the month of June, tina