Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1876-09-09
COMMUNICATED.
SERMON on THE HALF SHELL
By DEACON pIoGENEs.
FASHION.


What do we see? \ maddencd age.
Where men al Fashion, shrine confess
The fool. and all their time engage
To nil the void OF sense by extra dress.
Nv Brethren: Unroll times crumpled
chart and We will find that far back in
the mists of the primitive ages, many
gods of both genders had their shrines
at which the unenlighteued devotee
offered daily sacrifice. From that time
to the present, enlightened humanity
has seen with intolerable disgust
long line OF gods aud goddesses ofevery
conceivable style, material and magni-
tude, erected as objects ofspecisl venera-
tion in the temples aud joss-houses of
their evangelicaily, unsophisticated
neiehbors.
We Of this present grand era OF pro-
gress, whose good fortune it is to Craze
and grow tat in highly cultivated pas,
ture fields, and and who are constantly
chewing the cud of wisdom, grin at the
absurdities OF mythology aud Try to
beat evangelical sense into the thick
crania of our latter day hea,hen by
vigorou. application Of empty mission
boxes. But my brethren, while We OF
the land OF Columbia, born meath brlgh-
ter skies and nurturcd in the sunlight
Of Christendom, holding our starticck
ed banner in one hand and in the other
the unsulied standard of the gospel,
would tread. rs it were, the stormy
billows of our two great occaGS and
Indignantly kick out Of doors every god
and goddess now veuerated by benlght-
ed mankind, let us first take our friend
Wellers advice. and look at home
\ dress of two skirts as though one
wasn't enough promIscuous orna-
mentatior OF bows, folds, tuckS, and
frlls, an upper skirt embellished with
two rows or more of buttons about the
size of saucer, while behind flows up
aud down with every step she takes, a
something resembling i'll shape the
wilted leaf of cauiiilower decorated
with eawdy coored ribbons, which
reminds one of a Chinese battle flag
Gathered to the rear is enough super
huous goods 10 make her plain old
fashioned grandma a complete outfit,
while the front is spanned so tightly as
to retard free locumotion. Not satisfied
with Dame Natures crop OF hair, this
glory of woman is hid away beneath
switch OF jute weed or sought 10 be
ornameuted 10y rolls, pulis and plaits Of
hair grown upon the poorly cultivated
patch Of some one else. Perched above
is bit of head gear resembling
damaged coal scuttle, upholstered with
an artificial rose and ribbons OF pris-
matte hues She has IN idea that it is
the chief end of woman to decrease her
size as she increases the volume of her
dress. Around her waist she is rs com
pielely iron clad as a gun boat, and for
fear Of an accidental explosion Of the
heart she wears steel stautions and
stays
Brethren, here comes the fashionable
male exquisite, he is also worshlper
at the shrine Of fashion. How awk-
wardly he plows along with feet cncas-
ed in what he terms shoes-a some
thing wonderfully made. They are
very much longer than the foot, Jimin-
ishcd beautifully at the toe, which looks
as though it had been pitted by the
small pox, and in shape looks as though
it had been lasted over q COWS horn 10y
some ingenious cobbIcr
Ny brethren, We worship goddess
in orr goodly land-it is Fashion; a
soulless, silly, jade, who rules her
deyotecs with an iron rod and mcrciless.
" fctters them in soul and body dcs-
troying shack)es.
Some years ago when Mrs. Eve
reigued rs belle in a particular locality
down East, the fashions were rather
simple and Inexpensive, land we presume
that when arrayed in her paradisicaI
costume, she wouldn't have given a fg
for any other. But fashion discarded
fg leaves as well as c9arscs and moro
substantial materials long ago, until
now, no Young lady fashonabIy inclln-
ed, is satisfied unless she has weighted
around her the full stock of an ordinary
dry goods store, and embelIished with
the whole former contents OF fancy
shop. Robes such as We imagIhe angels
wear, are entirely too plain for her.
In the times Of our fathers healthy
buxom lass had enough material in
eight yards Of calico to make dress,
with pieces enough 10 patch it when
after long use for sunday wear, it was
worn in the kitchen. Now the most
dimiuutiye Of the feminine sex wonders
if she can get a dress out OF twenty four
wards. When the dress is completed
and she dons it for the first ;imc, she
displays herself to rejoice at the cnvious
glance Of her acquainlances, and some
driven by the lash of fashion, will invest
the fands much needed 10 supply the
interior by adorning the exterior in the
present day extrayagancies to crafty
an inordlnate desire for rivalry and
show
Brethren, cast Your eyes up the walk
of fashionable thoroughfare and see
that deyotee OF fashion as she comes
iouhdering along in many folds OF
drapery. His pants are 80 tight as to
endanger the circulation, impressing Us
with the idea that the wearer bad been
melted in the cruciJle OF fashion aud
cast into them. or Of the opposite tx
treme, reminding one Of 4 bgoVmstick
covered by a mill sack. 4 coat with
enough superfuous goods in the sleeves
and collar to make boy roundabout.