Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1876-08-03

He and Issaker Gauitf go to In.
diana on, a Political Mission.
The Mistakes they made, and
the Dire Result.
Il CoNFEDRIT X ROADS, !
WICH Is IN THE STATE OF KENTUCKY :
Jooly 18th, 1876.
Man is NV but few days and full NV
trouble. / can't understand why life
should be sich a conundrum; 1 can't
understand why things shooldent 60 on
with q more perfekt lOosenis and an ca
sier gait. In short, why shoOdent ev-
erybody except the black Republicans,
hey precisely what they want, without
all this trouble and perplexity to git it.
Feelin it my dooty to do suthin in
the interest NV 'Tilden and Reform,
/ conclooded to spend portion NV the
money that John MOrissey left with
me, to infiooence voters in q lower
county of 1Djeeany; and, to do it effect
fOreband and made sich arrangements
ez wood result in proper demonstra-
shun Nv the sOOpers0rity Nv 'Tilden
and Reform over Hayes and Wheeler.
Ez he'd to do the speekin, 1 intend
Oo ~ ~ 0O OACCtANOs L WduIlu llldl tuN
work shood count for the coz, and be
seed that shood result in glorious
harvest in November.
hev alluz notised that ef speeker
kin be interrupted at the rite time, and
eft the feller wat interrupts happens to
ask question on which the speeker
is perfeckly postid, his prompt anser
alluz puts the questioner, or interrup-
Ter, to fiite, and wins for the speeker
the sympathy of the people. / propo-
sed to interdOose new lice in stump
in, by takin with me my own inter-
rupter, so that Good be sure that the
queries he shood put wood be sich that
l Good properly anser, and anser with
effeck.
Iselectid ez the questions I wanted
asked me, these
Wat liz the amount NV the nashnal
debt?
Eff Linkin he'd bin detected, wood
that debt hev bin incurred?
Wuz not the incurrin NV the debt a
blessin, partikerly ez it was incurred to
give freedom to 1900, 900 niggers?
IL it not the wisest thing we kin do
to git down to gold basis to-wunst?
Handent the Western farmer ought
to SWEET and scald to pay the debt to the
Eastern capitalist?
1 writ these questions all down, and
arranged for the ansers. You see they
give me chance, eff 1 Good hev em
asked in order, to give the Republicans
sich hiden ez they never he'd. 1t
give me an opportunity to show, that
the debt was made in the interest Nv
Ablishnism; that, eff the Republican
party he'd never succeeded, there never
wood hev been no debt; that to git
back to gold wood rooin everybody
and that the Eastern bondholder want
ed the Western farmer to pay the debt
anyway.
] decided to take Issaker Gavit with
me to act ez Republican intterrupter,
and / he'd to git him up ez Republi-
kin. 1t wuz hard job-the hardest l
ever undertook. To metamorphOse a |
Cross Roads Democrat into a Republi-
kin liz task that requires genius; but
undertook it, and succeeded to some
extent. / powdered his nose, he'd
him shaved, and I put on him a clean
shirt. I made him black hiz boots,
hevin first FURNISHED him q pair, and
then put on him q decent SCOT oi
close, and had him wear EN- about the
corners awhile till he got used to EN-,
and Good appear easy in em. Then /
took him and coached him in the ques-
tions wantid him to ask. he'd him
repeat em over and over agin till heI
had EN- by heart, and / told exactly
where in my speech 1 wantid him to
git in with each ov EN-. ] repeated
my speech to him dozen times, and
he'd him interrupt me with his ques-
tiOns, or rather the questions he'd pre-
pared for him, and then made the an
sers, and instructed him in all the mi
nutia, even to his blushin when he sot
down discomfitted.
/ got him 80 we'll instructed that ]
hattered myself / shoed GO through
with q wet sheet and flowin sale, and
should accomplish big work for the
party. / LATED to think wat q good
thing it would be to hev Issaker dress
ed up ez Republican, with his nose
powdered, and to hev him ask sich
questions ez Good anser-asking ez a
Republikin, and me putin him to ut
ter shame.
The fust mite spoke I he'd it all ar
ranged. Issaker wuz to sit in the aw-
jence, and at the proper time, in all ov
witch he wuz instructed he was to COM
mence. 1t wuz big meetin, the skool
house wuz full, and hoped for great
things.
Alars for human expectashuns! /
had been so bizzy drummin up the
meetin thro the day that 1 didn't
watch 1SSaker, and knew nothin uvl
wat he wuz doin till saw him in his
place in the awjence. / commenced1
QnaQQh ond MI mot in
to the intrOducshen-I think 1 wuzl
dwellin onto the horrors Nv missegena-
tIon-when up he got. Great Heavens!
he wuz eZ drunk ez a billed owl, and |
hedn't any more idee NV wat he wuz
feet, he swayed around unstedily, and
remarked that he had question to
ask. In agony, for couldn't help N.Y.
self, sed, ASK it,
sEz Republican, said he
The awjence all LATED, for they knowed
by his nose that he wuz no Republican. |
'Ez a Republican want to know
whether debt wich wuz incurred to
nominate Tilden, and bring about the
blessing Nv sutbern Confederisy, |
oughtent to be paid by the bloated
Democracy nv Moo York, wich nOmi-
mated Tilden and paid the ticker bills
nv the speaker on the platform, who
owes me for more than four yeer's
board, and never paid for drink in his
life onless 1t wnz mistake, and wich
brot me here to interrupt him, wich l
swear won't do onIess he
sit down, you ideot,' yelled, 'and
don't Interrupt me when / am discus
great constooshnel questions
1deot yoorself,' yelled Issaker, IN a
drunken rage; i come here on your ac-
count, and at your expense, to play
Republikin and interrupt you, and ]