, 1876-03-12

The courageous yowel-Bravo-o!
a man always feels put out when he is taken
! in.
Motto for yeast factory Early to bread
! end early to rise"
The drss chiropodist in English history-Will-
lam the Corn-curer.
1t q recent spelling match, ono man spelt it
"pasrip," and got beet.
When birds soar, they warble; but. when 8
throat'a sore, it doesn't.
Tho higher c1asses-The t'lore classes. Tue
lower ciasses-The !" hire classes.
Tho reason thera is SO much assassination in
Spain is because the Spaniards arc such sassy
nation.
4 leading maxim with almost every politician
ia, Arrays to keep hio. .countenance and never to
keep bis word.
FREQ circus with lunch-countcr a:tached,
ne havo reason to believe, would draW we'll hero
at presont.-Easfon Free Press.
4 new "lady clerk" in dry-goods store, who
objected to nickuames addressed one Of the
little siore-boy8 as ''Cassius."
A State Senator has returned pass which had
been issued to him by railroad company. Ills
honest action reminded the company rhat the
pass had exl1ed.
.'Going for the bottom facts," is What the
conscientious Brooklyn mother calls it now when
she slippers her eldest for fixing clothes-pin
on puasys tail
4 Cornell University Professor says: "If You
get cloked drop down On all fours aud cough"
That's nice advice for a man with pair OF 915
lavender trousers on.
Nile. O., of the PALMS Royal Theatre, said to
Hvacinth: "Gracious but hare cold. What
do you do when you hava cold?" Il :" said
Hyacinth "I cough"
In Canon City, Col. man can't take couple
Of broken chairs to the cabiuet-shop for repairs
without hearing such imputatlons rs: " Hit you
with chair, did sho 2"
A Connecticut lady was riding in the cars tho
other day with her little girl, who hearing tho
conductor cry the stationB. asked, s. Mamma, do
We got out at tho next holler 7"
a Texas reporter having made note Of
man WHO drank twenty glasses OF rye IN one
evening, the man very justly complains that ho
don'i like that kind Of note-o-rye-tF.
Tho day has gone by when you can chain Q
grasshoppe1 to an Astronomers telescope, aud
make tue star-Sazer believe that LIE has dla-
covered d new breed Of horses IN the moon.
Mr.. Entrils has Eaen appointed private secre-
tary to Western Railroad President. Why
Interior ?-Ncp York Commercial Advertiser.
lloT8 III boutkAAIb kU4GH4A5 LIZ IAe N4ea "
Boston chap caught zlg-zaging across tho Com
mon the other night: SHOWS YOU 'spect q Teller
{hic) steer straight 'thout er ELM (hic) say7 7"
"Young man, said tho Judge, "did you ssea!
that piecs Of hardware:" mo, SIR replied
the prisoner II don't steal hardware. That
isn't in my line Of business. Chickens aud coai
is my line-"
A London paper ssys that "the Spanish Gen.
Moriones rested his armv for tow moments,
-At.. - trntk9 r1f1of Hf
tack isn't generally considered good place to
rest, even for that brief pc1iod.-Ne.o York
Commercial Advertiser.
A case Of general average: AREN'T you rather
old to ride for half-price 7" said car conductor
to tho elder of two boys. We'll" remarked
the youth. II nm under Il, ana this PC" Win
me- ia under G. That don't make ~, and you will
take tuo boys under 10 for haG-price each."
And he took them.
Ono friend to another Who has just returned
from trip abroad :'Dld you enjoy your Eu-
1opean tour p Every much, indeed" - Did
you call on any Of the big ones ?" Yes; l
called On two queens one evening" "CaEed
on Two eueens7 Was it PLEASANT affair ?"
=. No. not very for after I called found the
other chGp had three kings"
Norwich Bulletin: He Was taken sick in the
night, and in her youthful ignorance she made
two mustard p!asters and put one in front and
ono behind, and then with horrld SARCASM sna
nan mar md md merely said that ha realized with
tenderness he had never known before, tho true
position Of q sandwhich in the community.
Rurloaton Ha,ckeve: Fort Madison man
n,o,'t ;.tn h,a cow-stab,e the other day,. and by
'a;.t.ta rived her m nico mnsh in box full
~ a,at ;nstead Of bran. The COW merely
.,,sos;15 ~ In bard timeg had come, and they
nupp1I1, sa1p 81, o;no to economise. meakly ate her
sappe., anu ~, .n .,o-t .rnrnino whon he nilkod
Iase us.- nd t1 si,c lat dawn Lalf gallon OF tur-
Lay Sv"' @ nmart ~ snoo.pogg. and q bundle OF
Psh''n'' lath d 4'0N' - ''0 s0e@'
'aen' ..nt ,.,ta foa
4 resident Of Woodbridge street LOSE nus
rooster from his coop the other day snd. nene.-
ing that some ono in the nelghooEho00sa 0s seoe ~
the case "as given " ~ h,, 10 il m ita