Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-04-27
Discouraxing q Missionary.

/ Ns
| WHEN young Mr.. Spooner left colIana
/ he made up his mind to enter the MR.
| try and become missionary. One da,,
| he met Captain Hubs, and when he NO.,
1 toned that he thought Of going out as :
missionary, Captain Hubs asked him
"Where are you goingsn
S.--To the Navigator Islands. sail il
| October
Captain Shaking his head mournfullvl-
Pore young man! Pore young mani 7,
| is too bad, too bad, indeed. GOING -
Navigator Islands, Not married VET 7
reckens Nos All, so much the be,tsr
| No wife and children to make widder.
and orphans Of But it's sad, anyway
promising young Teller like you. Nv
heart bieeds for you.
S.-What d'you means
Captain-Oh, nothing. ] don't want 70
skeer you. know you're doing it from =
sense of duty, but I've been there to them
Navigator Islands, and I'm acquainted win
| the peoples little ways, and well, Ii
the fact is, you see, that--well, soonern
! disguise the truth, | don't mind TELLING
| you straight out that the last day l. was
/ there the folks ct one of my legs-sawed
it off an ct it, Now you can see how
things are yourself. Them Nayigators
! just gobbled that leg right up. 1t was
leg good deal like yours, only heavier, |
! reckon.
S.-You astonish me.
Captain--Oh, that's nothing. They did
| that just for little bit Of fun. The chief
told me the day before that they never Ct
nothing but human beings. He said his
family consumed about three day all the
year round, counting holidays and Sun.
days. He was light eater himself, he
said, ON account of getting dyspepsia from
a tough negro that he ct in lS47; but the
girls and the old woman, so he said, were
very hearty eaters, and it kept him busy
providing around after human beings TO
satisfy EN- The old woman, he said,
rather preferred to eat babies on account
of her teeth being poor, bat the girls they
could eat the grizzliest sailor that ever went
aboard ship.
S.-This is frightful.
/ Captain-And the chief said sometimes
the supply was awful scarce, but lately
they had begun TO depend more on import.
ed goods than on the home products. And
they were better anyhow, for all the folks
/ preferred white meat. He said the mis-
slonary societies were shipping them some
/
came in his eyes when he said how good
they were to the poor frieIdless savage
away on distant island. He said he
! liked missionary not too old or TOO
young, bullets see, what's your age, did
you say?
ST. am twenty eight.
Captain-I think he mentioned twenty
/ seven; but howsomedever he liked 'em
old enough to be solid and young enough
to be tender. And he said he liked mis-
sionaries because they never used rum
or tobacco, andsalways kept their flavor
know / seen one young Teller who came
out there from Boston. He got up
kinder camp meeting in the woods, and
while ne was giving out the hymn one Of
congregation banged him on the head
with a club, and in less than no time he
was sizzling over fire right in front Of
the pulpit. They lit the fire with his
hymn book and kept her going with his
sermons. He was man just about your
build--a little leaner'n you may be. And
they like a man to be stoutish. He eats
more tender.
/ ST. had no idea that such awful prac-
tices existed. ..s--. -
Captain--l haven't told you half, for |
don't want to discourage you. l know
you mean well, and maybe they'll let you
i alone. But remember when / told the
| chief that there was whole lot of you
fellers studying to be missionaries he
laughed and rubbed his hands, and or
dered the OLD woman to plant more horse
radish and onions the following year. He
was forehanded kind of man for mere
pagan. He said that if they would only
/ give his tribe time-if they would send
him along the supplies regular, SOS not
TO glut the market-they could put away
the entire clergy Of the United States and
half the deacons without an effort. He
was nibbling at missionary bone as he
spoke, and the old woman was making a
new club out of another one. They are
an economical people. They utilize ev-
erything. | -
S.--1his is the most painful intelligence
that | ever received. If | felt certain
about it would remain at home.
2Captain-Donf let me induce you to
throw the thing up. l wouldn't told
you anyway, only you kinder drawed the
information out Of me. And as long as
I've gone this far might as well tell you
that got letter the other day from
man who'd just come from there, and he
said the crops were short, eatable people
were scarce, and not one of them savages
had had square meal for months. When
lie left they were sitting on the rocks
hungry as thunder, waiting for mission
AIRY society ship to arrive. And now
must be going. Good-by. / know III
never see you again. Take last look at
me, and don't holler when they put you
on the gridiron. Good morning.
| Then the Captain hobbled off.
Mr.. Spooner has concluded to stay at
home and teach school.--Philadelph'a
Bulletin.
| The Mariposa Call Express says that a
l taruo ri ub yS.4atp frr,,. th.. yaaa,.sfa