Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1876-03-17
humorous skstsbss.

DOIiEhWlCk'S GAS METER.-Duriup
one OF the cold snaps that we have had this
winter the gas meter in Mr.. Butterwick,s
house was frozen. Mr.. Butterwick at
tempted TO thaw it out by pouring hot
water over il, but after spending an hour
upon the effort he emerged from the con
'est with the meter with his feet and trou-
sers wet, his hair full of duet and cobwebs,
and his temper at fever heat. After study
ing how he should get rid of the ice in the
meter, he concluded to use force for the
purpose, and so, seizing hot poker, ne
lammed it through a yen-hole and STIR
red it round inside of the meter with con-
siderable amount of vigor. lie felt the
ice give way, and he heard the wheels
buzz around with rather more vehemence
than usual. Then he went up stairs.
lie noticed for three or four days that
the internal machinery Of that meter SEEM
cd to be rafting in a remarkable manner.
1t could be heard all over the house.
But he was pleased TO find that It was
working again in spite of tne cool weather,
aud he retained his serenity.
About two weeks afterwards his gas bill
came in. 1t accused him of burning, dur
ing the quarter, 100000 feet Of gas, and
il called or him TO settle 10 the extent of
nearly 1850, 900. Before Mr.. Butterwick's
hair bad time 10 descend after the first
shock, he put on his hat and went down to
the gas Office. He addressed one of clerks:
How much gas did you make at the
Blank works last quarter =
Il dunno about a millien feet, l reckon ;
We'll, you've charged me in my bill for
burning half a million more than you
made, want you to correct it,
Less see the bill. Hm-m-this is all
right. It's taken off the meter. That's
what the meter says
'Spose'n it dose csnldnt have burned
more'n you made
Can't help that. The meter can't lie.'
We'll, but how d'you account for the
difference p
Dunno 'Taint our business TO go nos
ing and poaking around after scientific
truth. We depend on the meter. II that
saws you burned six million feet, why you
have burned it, even if we never made must
foot of gas at the works.
TO tell the honest TRUTH .aid Butter
wick, that meter was frozen, and stirred
it up with the poker and set it whizzing
around
Price Just the same said the clerk.
we charge for pokers just like we do for
gas
You amt actually going to have the
audacity to ask me to pay S35O,0OO on ac-
count of that poker y
'Ifit was 100000 I'd take it with a
calmness that would surprise you. Pay
up or we'll turn OF your gas
Turn it off and be hanged exclaimed
Butterwick, as he emerged from the Office,
tearing bis bill TO fragments. Then lie
went home, and grasping that too lavish
poker, he approached the meter. 1t had
registered anothe million feet since the bill
WAS mace out. II was running Up the
score Of hundred feet a minute. In a
month Butterwick would have owed the
gas company more than the United States
Government owes its creditors. So he
beat the meter into a shapeless mass tossed
it into the street and turned of the gas
inside the cellar.
He is now sitting up at nights writing an
essay on Our Grinding Aonopolies' by the
light of kerosene lamp.-Phigo. Bulletin.
The drug store was closed, and he rang
that bell vigorously. The druggist at once
put his head out of an upper window and
inquired sleepily: Who's there p Mr..
Carr responded the gentleman at the bell.
Missed car? Well, what's that to me,
confound youl Stop ringing that bell and
90 about your business, man = Down
went the window and the druggist was
lost 10 sight The discounted Mr.. Carr
was lost in amazement for time, but
finally seized the bell and rang it again
frantically. The druggists head appeared
at the window again. lie was wide awake
this time. Who's there nowp' Mr.. Carr,
tell you Why, d-n your impudence
Who cares if you have? Get on. of that,
quick. Ifyou're drunk and have missed
car its your own lookout don't touch
that bell again. But tell you idiu:, I'm
Nr. -Carr.' oh, Lord Why didn't
you say SO before 2
How TO LEAD A CALF-Ho was a
small but muscular boy, and the calf was
probably two month old, with a develop
ment of unadulterated cus.edness that
would do credit 20 q KuKlux- Klan Cap
tain. There was q rope between them,
and, az they went down South Third street,
bets were even as 10 " neither the boy was
leading the calf, or the calf leading the
boy. The calf made a dash for the Cen
trail Express Office. The bOy pulled him