Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-04-20

ped before him an officer with a face
as devoid of hair as .sbaby's and a
look of supreme innocence.
His excellency gave look of blank
establishment, and then, with an ap-
preciative smile breaking over his war
worn features, turned to the assembled
officers and said:
+SHere, gentlemen, your old minister
is fool, and yonr young lieutenant is
q captain -
A MISUNDERSTANDING.
The Facts About the Horse Race.
Philadelphia Bulletin.
There was some horse.racing over at
the Blank course one day last fall, and
Butterwick attended to witness it. On
his way home in the Reading-cars, in
the afternoon, he encountered the Rev.
DIR. Potts, a clergyman who knew no
more about hOrse-racing than Hindoo
knows about seven-up. Butterwick
took it for granted in his usual way
that the DR.. was familiar with the sub
ject, and taking a seat beside him, he
remarked:
81 was out at the Blank course to-
day to see Longfellow.''
'sIndeed! Was he there? Where
did you say he was p
'Why over yer at the course. Isaw
him and General Harvey, and a lot
more of 'em. He run agin General
Harvey, and it created a big excite
nent, too; but he beat the General
badly, and the way the crowd cheered
him was wonderful. They said that a
good deal of money changed hands.
The fact is, l had small bet on the
General myself
sYou do not mean to say that Long
fellow actually beat General Harvey p
"Yes, do beat him the worst kind.
You'd hardly've thought it now, would
you! l was never more surprised in
my life. What's queer about it is that
he seemed just as fresh afterwards as
before he commenced. Didn't faZe
bit. Why instead of wanting to rest,
he was jumping around just as lively,
and when the crowd began to push
around him, he kicked a boy in the
stomach and doubled him up-nearly
killed him.. Oh! he's wicked I
wouldn't trust him as far as I could
see him.
"This is simply astonishing" said
the Doctor. II wouldn't have believ.
ed it possible. Are you sure it was
Longfellow, Mr.. Butterwick g
':Why certainly, of course; I've seen
him often before. And after breath.
ing while, he and Maggie Mitchell
came out, and as soon as they stepped
off he put on an extra squirt or two and
led her by the neck all around the
place, and she came in putting and
blowing and nearly exhausted. I
never took much stock in her any,
way"
"'Led her by the neck Why this is
the most scandalous conduct I ever
heard of. MIR. Dutterwick, you must
certainly be Joking"
II pledge you my word it's tho SOL
emn truth, saw it myself. And after
that Judge Fullerton and General Har-
ney they took a turn together, and that
was the prettiest contest of the day.
First the Judged beat the General,
and then the General'd put in the big
ticks and gave it to the Judge, and the
| two'd be about even for awhile, and
all of sudden the General would give
! a kinder jerk or two and leave the
Judge just nowheres. and by the time
the General passed the third quarter
the Judge keeled over against the
fence and gave in. They say he broke
or not. Anyway he was used up. If
he'd passed that quarter he might have
been all right
~What was the matter with that
quarter! Wasn't it good?'
"Oh yes. But you see the Judge
must have lost his wind or something
and reckon when he tumbled it was
something like faint, you know
'Served him right for engaging in
such brutal contest
'Well, dunno. Depends upon how
you look at such things. And when
that was over Longfellow entered with
Matte Evelyn. He kept shooting past
her all the time, and this worried her
so that she ran little to one side and
somehow, dunno how it happened, but
his leg kinder tripped her, and she
rolled over on the ground, hurt pretty
bad think, while Longfellow had his
leg cut pretty near to the bone.''
''Did any of the shots strike herr"
81 don't understand you
''You said he kept shooting close to
her, and l thought may be some Of the
bullets might have struck her,
"Why, meant that he ran past her,
of course. How in thunder could he
shoot bullets at her g
81 thought may be he had gun.
But don't understand any of it. 1t is
the most astounding thing ever heard
of at any rate"
s'Now, my dear sir, I want to ask
you how Longfellsw could manage a
gun!''
"why, as any other man does, OF
course!''
"N1an! man! Why, merciful Moses
you didn't think l was talking about
human beings all this time, did you
Why, Longfellow is horse! They
were racing, running races over at the
course, this afternoon, and was try.
ing to tell you about it,
"You don't say so," remarked the
Doctor, with sigh of relief. "Well,
I declare, I thought you were speaking
of the poet, and l hardly knew wheth.
er to believe you or not it seemed 50
strange that he should behave in such
a Manner
Then Mr.. Butterwick went into the
smoking car to tell the joke to his
friends, and the Doctor sat rejecting
upon the outrageous impotence of the
men who named their horses after re-
spectacle people.
A Singular Sermon.
Four gentlemen and an old minister
were assailed on the highway by three
robbers who demanded and took pos.
session of their funds. The old minis.
ter pleaded very hard to be allowed a
little money as he was on his way to