Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-06-09
Glsanings.

bllltles
Lies are hlltless swords; they cut the
hands that WELD them. @
Young ladies leave off kissing at twelve,
but begin again at twenty.
A slip Of the foot may be recovered, but
that of the tongue perhaps never
The rose has its thorns, the dIansSia. its-
specks, and every human being his fail
ings.
Jealousy is only the art of tormenting
yourself for fear you should be tormented
by another.
According to the poet, Morn wakes
the world" but, according to other good
authorities, baby with collie does it.
An English woman advertises herself
as corn cutter 10 the royal family She
practices on the light, fantastic toe"
Lavater thought that your real self is
an average somewhere between the opin-
ions of your enemies and your friends.
1t is said the st.machs of persons Inv
ing on the sca-coast, where oysters and
clans are abundant, rise and fall with the
tide,
Young men, keep your eyes skinned
for new planets; it's good deal nobler
than hanging over front gate giving
Centennial kisses to love-sick girl.
The mean velocity of the wind on land
is nine miles per hour in the summer and
fourteen in the winter. At sea the mean
velocity is estimated at eighteen miles per
hour.
A Romish lictor," said Bates, whose
historical information comes by detail on
the fly, " a Roman lictor! Well, s'pose
she deserved it. No one but the Roman
knows" -
Jefferson county, Iowa, has man and
wife whose united age is almost 200 years.
Mr.. Hogan was born in 1776 and his wife
in 1779. They have lived in welded bliss
since 1915.
1t takes servant twice as long to bang
the stove and scuttle, while putting COST
on the CRATE, if you are trying to talk to
somebody than if you are not He does
it for revenge.
" Brother, why don't you ask the strang-
er to pray" Because" reprsvingly obs
served the deacon, "this aint no place for
practical jokes. That mans the president
of gas company"
The Catholic Total Abstinence Union
Of Philadelphia have erected fountain
OH the Centennial grounds. 1t will be
dedicated with appropriate ceremonies Oh
the Fourth of July next.
Economy is good thing to have around
the house, but the police of Rochester
are making it sad for the man who beefed
his sick COW when told that she would
never see another sun rise.
An undertaken at Providence didn't
know whether subject was dead or in u
fit. He boxed him up to settle the ques,
ton, but the man kicked his way out and
then boxed the undertaken.
A young lady in Bardstown told her
lover that she liked Shakespeare very much,
and that she I" read it when it first came
out Then she proceeded to scan mag.
azine to see what the summer styles were.
The velocity of light has been deter
mined, by recent careful experimenters, to
be 1856, 900 miles per second, which would
run round the world eight times second,
rapidity inconceivable to the human
mind.
The heart will commonly govern the
head; and it is certain that any strong
passion, set the wrong way, will soon in.
fatuate the wisest Of men; therefore, the
first part of wisdom is to watch the affec-
tions.
An auctioneer, dlsposing of some arti-
cles, and complaining of the lowness Of
the price, said: Gentlemen, If sell any
more at that money I'll get my head in
my hand" Whereupon weaver pres.
emily observed. It'll no burden We, my
man; it's gey LIGHT"
We passed the window the other ever
ing, and they were having little family
jar. She called him an old fool" andN
he called l.er g a teakettle" You're a
teakettle, " he roared, vehemen;ly; "youll
sing pleasantly one minute and boil over
the next We didn't stay to hear more.
1t is an edifying spectacle to see cart
man calmly smoking his pipe on the top
of load of household goods, his feet
quietly reposing on the finest painting, or
the new clock, while the head of the fam
lily sneaks along the fence with a market
basket on his arm filled with old china
and the silver spoons
An imposing spectacle even for this
year, is the Danbury woman who has,
been married six times. The sixth mar4
riage occurred last week. The evening
before the auspicious day he wa with her
and as he departed she said: BE around
prompt tomorrow. It's habit OF mine
to have these things done on time"
There is great difference between the two
temporal blessings, health and wealth 4
wealth is most envied, but least enjoyed;
health is frequently enjoyed, but the least.
envied; and the superiority of the latter
is still more obvious that the poorest man
would not part with his health for money,
but the richest would gladly part with his
money for health.
And you think, darling, you could be
content to share my humble lot and live
in quiet way with love and me-" quer-
led the blissful lover, as he looked fondlY
into her translucent blue eyes. "Why,
yes, precious; you have no idea how econ.
omical am. Pa gave me hundred dol
lars last week to buy new silk, and
saved enough out of it to purchase four
pairs of six-buttoned kids!"
No censure can be too harsh for that
man who, being married TIA,
other day, put the wedding ring INTO his :
mouth when the service began, that he
might find it at the proper moment. The
moment arrived. The minister motioned
for the ring. The trembling bridegroom
gave an obedient start, a sudden gulp, and
the ring had disappeared down his un-
lucky throat.
A Portsmouth IN. H.) young man, who
was inconsiderate enough to come in"
after he had escorted girl home from
the other Sunday evening,
was obliged to stop to family prayers,
which came on very soon, but, when the
plous householder prayed that" the young
man who, for the time being, is one Of
our number. may be directed toward his
Fathers house, he took his has and left
without ceremony -
1t was hard listed son of toll who en-.
tered dry goods store ON Woodward
avenue yesterday and inquired: /" What,a
the figure on calico now?" "About sev.
en- cents" replied clerk. TOO high
too high-she'll never stand that" mused
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