The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-01-22
THE YANKEE ALADDIN.
BY GEORGE w. CURTIS.

Aladdin began by swapping jack knives
and getting the best, and bartering halves
of marbles stuck together for whole ones.
When he grew older, and sold berries which
he picked on the hill pastures, he creased
the quart pot, SO that a little capital was
carried forward to the next measure. He
hayed hard all Summer, and went to even
ing schools all Winter, and learned the
golden rule of arithmetic, addition for him.
self, subtraction for his neghbor; and in
all the games he held strictly to the rules
of Turnabout: " You tickle me, and I'll
tickle you, if can; but at all events you
tickle me-
At an early age, Aladdin was considered
to be good at bargain, which meant that
he always succeeded in exchanging the
worse for the better; always keeping the
| blind eye of a horse to the wall when he
wanted to sell him, and always looking
straight at it when he wanted to buy him;
and the approving village shook its head,
and said, Let Aladdin alone to succeed
He grew up and left the village for the
world. "He'll be rich!' said the village,
with more enthusiasm and envy than any
village says of departing boy: "He'll be
honest, faithful, generous" To AladdnI
the whole world was but market, in which
to buy cheap and sell dear. For him there
was no beauty, no heroism, no piety, no
history. To him all lands and waters were
alike, for each is unhallowed by associa-
ton. No Homer sings for him along the
-Egean; he only curses the wind that will
not blow him to Odessa. No sirens call to
him from the sunny shore; he loves the
sharp oath of a brutal boatswan.
With Bible in his hand and quid in
his mouth, he squirts about the holy places
of Jerusalem, and calculates the cost of
the sepulchre. He scratches his name with
a jack knife upon Egyptian obelisks by the
side of the Thoroughbred names of Ramises
and Thothmes, names that shook early his
tory with their grandeur; and the reverend
echoes of the Libyan desert, that have
slept since the shout of Alexander's army
marching to find the oracle. Ammon are
awakened by the shrill whistling of Yankee
DOOult anu Ddu uCheT.
He insults the Grand Lama, hobnobs
with the great Mogul, he turns his back
upon Emperors, and takes pinch of snuff
out of the Pope's snuff-box. He eats flesh
cut raw from the animal with Dinkas and
Abyssinians, chews bang with the Arabs,
smokes opium with the Turks, and rides
for bride with the Calmuck Tartar.
Then Aladdin comes home. He has
turned his goods and his opportunities over
and over again, and they are all turned Into
piles of money. The wise village welcomes
him, and proudly points him out to the
Aladdns of younger generation as the
shining example of the successful man.
For, my dear son. just think of it! He
began with nothing, and now look!'
My dear son does look, and he sees Alad-
din owning millions of dollars, and of all
the Doing good societies he is chief direc-
tor. His name is as good as gold. He has
bought pictures and books, and statues.
He is housed in luxury, and he pricks his
mouth with the silver fork. He has home
for poet, but he boasts that he never reads
anything but the newspapers. He goes to
church twice on Sundays, and only wakes
up when the preacher revile sand denounces
the sinners of Sodom, and those tough old
Jews of Jerusalem. His head is bald and
shiny with all the sermons that have hit it
and glanced off. He clasps his hands in
prayer, but forgets to open them when the
poor.box is passed around; and he goes
home like similarly successful man, thank
ing God that he was not as other men are;
and after dinner lights cigar, sits before
the fire in an easy chair, and tells the chill
dren to remember that honesty is the best
policy, and looks sleepily at Mrs. Aladdin
through the thick smoke.
By and by old Aladdin dies. The con-
ventional virtues are called over by the
editors as the mourning carriages are called
out by the undertakers. The papers regret
that they are summoned to deplore the loss
of the reverend parent, generous friend,
public spirited citizen, and pious man.
Then the precious snapper of jack-knives
and model for the rising generation is left
under the sod. The stars that he never
saw, now burn over him with soft lustre
that no lamps above kings tomb emulate;
and the south wind, for whose breath upon
his hot brow he was never grateful, now
strews his last bed with anemones and vio-
lets, which his heel crushed while living.
And the men who are to be formed upon
that model and pursue a similar success,
carefully ask, as they stir their toddies,
$50 old Aladdin is gone at last; will he
cut up wel?" The sculptor carves a
cherub upon his tombstone and graves the
motto: "By their works We shall know
Them" while some quiet Charles Lamb,
with insanity in his family, asks. as he
reads Aladdin's epitaph, Where be all
| the bad people buried"