The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-09-23

Connecticut school marm, who was recently
kissed in the dark by mistake, explained her
omission to use any light for nearly two weeks
afterwards on the ground of hard times.
II is said that the Sandwich islanders believe
that Beelzehub walked the earth in the form OF
woman. And sow and then man is to he found
in this country who believes SO too, and that he
has married that woman.
The rights Of women, also their lefts, begin Ia
shine. A young woman was observed, Saturday,
having her low-cut ties " polished by pcbllc
bootblack on prominent thOroughfar Boston
TraHscrp'
The stern sense OF justice and right that re.
sides in the Western mans bosom was never
more beautifully or forcibly illustrated than at
Waupan, Wis, lew days ago, when visiting
brass band from Fond du Lac went flying
through the principal street closely pursued by
shower Of last years eggs.-N. Y. Com ADJ.
Prevention is better than cure. Spriggins
says be once prevented a serious case OF hydro
phobia by simply getting on high fence and
waiting there until the dog hsd gone away.
There vas girl at Cape May last week who
weighed so pounds. Fact !: was four barrels
Of -four Philadelphia Bulletin. You're getting
along stayingly, without the cooperation Of any
one. II you have any more like that an OF. EN-
-TorrisfoLrn Herald
In the nursery he gently sings II had a
watch and it would't 70, do you thing would
list II; Oh, no, no, no."
Al Jams is the name Of Chnaman In Neya.
ia. He is addicted to the flowing bowl and
come days IL Is impossible to recognize him
fIOm his brother Jim Jams-NOrriStown Her.
dld
Medical men say that when a man is full OF
whisky he can't freeze, and appearances indi.
cate that a large number OF our citizens are ex.
pecting mighty cold snap, says the Fulton
Tines
Tne Mitchell Times asks: II necessity Is the
mother Of invention, will some sharp paragraph.
ist please inform us who the father Isl? Why
the husband Of Mrs. Necessity, of course. Isn't
this APPARENT enough
The y. Y. Graphic calls upon the friends o
Hayeseuwhecler to "charge along the whole
line" That's just what they are doing-chargna
two per cent. Ask your postmaster.
4 giri IN New York ate four pounds OF wed
ding cake in order that she might dream Of hei
future husband. And now she says that money
couldn't hire her TO marry the man whom SHE
saw ia her dream.
Sam Cary says that II Cooper doesn't shell ou'
he can't see where more Green backs are To CONF
from.--EJ.
VIM. Ward Wood seemed TO be of the same
opinion after spending a Sunday with Lew
Steward.
"Is ii safe 70 elect Tilden g demands whisky
ring organ. Well. we should say not, for thai
consolidation DeDlCcrdt.
drunken California miner has kicked can
Of nitro. glycerine again, and his relations would
feel great deal better If they could find some
thing more Of him than one bootstrap. II seem.
ridiculous to have funeral over only one boot
strap
For dullness and drowsiness, with cold chill.
running up and down the spine, use Holmes
Bitter Wine Of lron.-fur0rd -Nors.
Send 10000 bottles TO the Ohio republican
head quarters Immediately!
81 endorse Grant" says Hayes, and Gran
keeps right on restoring the whisky ring to it
original glory.
A tramp was recently met by a hospiiabl,
farmer In Nestehester, who asked him IL b,
wanted work. No" replied the tramp; wha
! want is bloody shirt and plenty Of money
" T. BeI>orter.
Thought Fitzpatrick was in Indiana.
Agt Louis man ran six blocks after his nose
thinking be was going 10 a Hre.-Y. Y, Herald