The Iola register. [volume] (Iola, Allen County, Kansas) 1875-1902, 1876-10-21
MARX TWAIN In POLITICS.

He Thinks IL Time for Literary Men to
Come Out from their Studies and Work
for Hayes and Wheeler.
HARTFORD, Conn.,, Oct. 1.-The Re-
publican meeting in this city last night
was great both in attendance and en-
thusiasm. Beforehand there was q
torchlight parade Of Boys in Blue. The
meeting was presided over by Samuel
L. Clemens MARK Twain). It was his
introduction on the political rostrum,
and he was received with much favor.
He spoke as follows:
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN: I feel very
greatly honored in being chosen to preside
at this meeting. This employment 10 new
to me. Inever have taken any part in po-
tribe Of which l am the humblest member
the literary tribe-is one which is not given
to bothering about politics; but there are
times when even the strangest departures
are justifisble, and such season, / take 1t,
is the present canvass. Some one asked me
the other day why It was that nearly all the
people who write books and magazines had
political preference, since such thing had
probably never occurred before In America,
and why 1t was that almost all Of this strange,
new band Of volunteers marched under the
banner of Hayes and Wheeler. think
these people have come to the front
mainly because they think they see
n;s chance good to %1es snt.
because they think they see chance to in
stitute an honest and sensible system Of civ
II service which shall 80 amply prove its
worth and worthiness that no succeeding
President can ever venture to put his foot
upon 1t. Our present civil system, born Of
Andrew Jackson and the Democratic party,
ia SO idiotic, 80 contemplate, SO grotesque,
honey jeer and the very gods Of solemnity
laugh. We will not hire . blacksmith who
never lifted . sledge. We will not hire q
school.teacher who does not know the al.
phabet. We will not have man about us
in our business life, In any walk Of it, low
or high, unless he has served an appren-
ticeship and can prove that he is capable of
require . plumber to know something
Laughter, and q pause by. the speaker
about his business renewed laughter], thar
he shall at least know which side of . pipe
Is the inside. Roars Of lsughter.] But
when you come to our civil service, we Sc
renely ill great numbers Of our minor pub
lie offices with ignoramuses. We put the
Of hathead who does not know bill Of
lsdiDg from transit Of Venus Laughter
and q pausel, never having heard Of either
Of them before. [Laughter.] Under q
Treasury appointment we pour
oceans Of money and accompanying
statistics through the hands and brain Of An
Ignorant villager who never before could
out getting thrown. [Great laughter.
Under our consular system we send crea-
lures all over the world who speak no
language but their own, and even when 1t
comes to that, 20 wading all their days
through floods Of moods and lenses and
flourishing the scalps Of mUtilated parts of
speech. When forced to it We order home
> foreign ambassador who is frescoed all
over with-.with--with-i ndiscreetnesses
[laughterl, but we immediateIy send one in
his place whose moral ceiling has q per-
ceptiDle shady tint to it, and then he brays
when We supposed he was going to roar.
We carefully train and educate our naval
perfect their capabilities through long
services and experience, and keep hold Of
these excellent servants through q just sys-
tenn of promotion. This is exactly what we
hope to do with our civil service under Mr..
Hayes. [Applause.l We hope and ex-
pect to sever that service as utterly from
politics ~ il the naval and military service,
and We hope to make 1t IS respectable, too.
We hope to make worth and capacity the
sole requirements Of the civil service, in the
place Of the amount Of party dirty work the
candidate has done. By the time. Genera
Hswley has finished his speech think you
will know why we, In this matter, put our
trust In Hayes in preference to any other
man. am not going to say any thing about
our candidates for State officers, because
you know them, honor them, and will vote
for them, but General Hawley being COM
psratively . stranger [laughter], will say
single word in commentator of him, and
it will furnish one Of the many reasons why
1 am going to vote for him for Congress. 1
ask you to look seriously and thoughtfully
at just one almost incredible fact. General
Hawley, in his official capacity as President
of the Centennial Commission, has done one
thing which you may not have heard .r com.
astounding performances Of this decade, an
act almost impossible, perhaps, to any Other
public officer in'this nation. General Haw-
ley has taken IS high as $l21 900 gate money
at the Centennial in . single day lpause
and applausel, and never stole cent Of it.
[Great laughter and long ap-
plause,1