The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-07-06
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

and believes that the years OF leanness are
on the wane.
1t is given on the authority of New
Orleans paper that there is in that city q
hog with his ears so far back that he can
not hear himself squeal.
-" Bitten by an alleged mad dog" is the
mild way in which such an occurrence is
put in Baltimore, to avoid hurting the
dogs feelings should he be merely labor
ing under temporary alteration.
Boston has won game of baseball,
and the Transcript says: "This is a very
large country, and the wonder is that it
harmonizes on the supposed needs of its
different sections 80 we'll as it does.''
What is pleasanter these nice morn
ings than getting up and taking sunrise
walk of four or five miles before break
fast? Nothing, certainly, unless it is
lying in bed and thinking of it.-N. =,
Hull.
San Francisco has a matrimonial bu-
reau, with separate departments for gentle.
men and ladies. The photographs of lady
clients are hung up in the gentlemen's de-
partmcnt, and pice Ue,sa. The fee for one
months effort on the part of the bureau is
FIVE dollars, and if the effort is unsuccess-
full the money is refunded.
-"Only q lock of golden hair
The lover sighed. " Perchance tonight
1t formet6 on her pillow fair
"Only lock of golden hair
The maiden, smiling sweetly, said,
As she laid it over the back of a chair
And went to bed.
About two years ago Sheriff Bonnet
pasted in his desk a magazine cut of the
immortal Shakespeare, and one of the Dep.
uty- Shcriffs, supposing that it was the big
fellow that large reward was offered for,
has been silently comparing it with every
strange face that has come into the office
since that time, and he hasn't suspected
anybody yet.-San Antonio (7er.) Herald
=" Women are going into the insurance
business" And when a comedy woman
enters mans office, bitches up her
chair, places fair hand on his arm, and
begins to talk about policies, he feels as
though his life ought to be insured pretty
soon. And this feeling is greatly aug
mentcd should his wife drop in unexpect-
edly during the NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Herald.
"A Dutchman lately attended the law
court in Boston to get excused from the
jury box. 81 can't understand goot En-
glesc," he said. "What did he say?"
goot Englcse," repeated the Dutchman.
that's no excuse; you need not be
alarmed, as you arc not likely to hear any,"
N. Y. World.
-" Woman" said the fat man on the
sracker-barrcl, rcficctively, "woman il
like boil. When another man has her
we laugh at him; when we have her our
self we cherish and protect her." He
seemed to be man of pure and lofty SEN
timent, and when he said he guessed he'd
60 home and give his wife chance to do
the chores everybody respected him.
No1oich Bulletin.
One of our prominent business men
asked an acquaintance from Atlanta whom
he met the other day: What are you
doing now?" "Oh, I'm trying to make
an honest living" "Well," said the
questioner you ought to succeed admit
rably." Why ?" asked the other. "Whyl
why? Because, by thunder, you've got
NO competition. You are the first man
ever heard of in that business in Atlanta"
|-Chattanooga Commercial.
Last week STRAW" fiend was going
through train on the Illinois Midland
Railway, with a pencil and note book,
taking the vote for President, when the
car he was in jumped the track, and he
was thrown into the wood box, and an Ak,
five lamps and stove banged in on top
of him, and when they took him out there
wasn't a whole bone in his body, and he
never will know how the vote on that
train stood. Let not this terrible warning
be thrown away.-Chicago Times.
The kicking propensities of the mule
are certainly exaggerated. As we write,
farmer over by the tobacco barn is pull
ing one around to his place in front of the
wagon by the tail. What gentleness the
faithful creature exhibits How mcekly
he submits to the superior will of his mas
ter! How-ah, by the way, the man is
evidently an accomplished acrobat that
double-somerset he threw over the wagon
was very skillfully executed, indeed
Franklin (Ky.) Patriot.
Sadie R., little three-year- old child,
was at church the first time about two
months since on an Easter occasion in the
Church of the Good Shepherd. She sat
very still and saw the procession of chill
dren march into the church with flowers
In their hands, and all singing: "On-
ward, Christian Soldier" Yesterday this
little miss made her second visit to church,
and this time to the Presbyterian, where
she entered at the head of the family
and marched down the aisle, loudly sing
ing, " Onward, Christian Soldier to the
establishment Of the congregation and the
utter decentralization Of her parents.-Oht-
cago Tribune.
There is family in this town with
nine varieties Of children. The husband
and wife have each been married twice be-
fore, and had one child at each former
marriage, which makes four children,
each one having different parents. The
present wife's former husbands had each
been married before, leaving child by
their former wives, which makes six chill
dren of different parents. The present
husbands two former wives had been pre-
viously married, leaving each one child,
making eight Of different parents. The
present husband and wife by this mar.
rage have one child, making nine, all liv.
ing, and no two having the same parents.
Loo angeles lCos.l Rendition.
THE Springfield (llass.) Rspx6licon has
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