National Republican., 1876-01-11

IL WOuIu take q muNlHcentlY-cGuOWeu cross
eyed man ninety mine per cent. of his time to
keep watch Of all the crooked-whisky deVel-
opments being forced upon the public at pres
ent. indianapolis, Chicago, Philadelphia,
New York, St. Louis and half dozen othe:
cities are afflicted with the Simons fraud. .
Now kitchen table in California cxplodes,
and what will it be next The non-ex xplosive
coal-oil has interested humanity for fifteen
years past, and to add variety, came the dy-
namite horror, and, lastly, kitchen table
bursts. If this thing is continued much
longer married man won't dare to stay out
after sun-down for fear that the door-knob will
blow him up before his wife can get chance.
All the world is coming to the Centennial,
and as the commission have determined to
close it on Sunday the question naturally
arises which Sunday shall it be: If they at
tempt to please every nation represented they
will have closed gates every day during the
week. The Greeks Sunday is our Monday:
the Persian's, Tuesday; the AssyIian's ,Wednes-
day; the Egyptians, Thursday: the Turks,
Arabs, and all Mohammedan nations, Friday;
the Jews and Seventh-day Baptists, Satur-
day. and the Christians generally, Sunday.
Daily bulletins of Mr.. Kcrr's health for
few days past, as given by the press of the
country: !Wednesday-SnccZed before going
to bed and feels relieved. Thursday-Took a
bath; more buoyant. Friday-Winked three
times in succession and is better. Saturday
Thought of something and looks brighter.
Sunday-Rcstcd easy and cleaned his finger
nails. Monday-Clear eye. better complexion,
steady gait; sneezed at 10 o'clock a. m. Tues
day-Appetite waxing strong, toothpicks in
demand: at II IN. his handkerchief and nose
came in contact; instant relief ensued.''
The complaints of the Republicans about
the general discharge of crippled Union
soldiers from service in the House OF Repre-
scntatives have no foundation, as out of the
ter soldiers on duty when Congress convened
in Deco nber only one has been discharged
COuTicT-JoWTHdl
This is in the natural vein of the Journal,
and for breadth, depth and general massive
ness of falsehood it outshines any thing it has
said for two days. Ten Union soldiers, most
of whom are disabled, have been displaced by
the present controlling element in the House
and e1-Confederates now occupy their places.
This is precisely how the matter stands.
The steamer Faraday has accomplished
marvellous feat. She was recently dispatched
to repair fracture in the direct cable, and
the manner in which she performed her mis-
sion is both wonderful and commendatory. On
arriving at the spot where it was estimated
the separation had taken place the vessel was
covered with ice and heavy storm was on the
sea but notwithstanding these d;sparaging
obstacles the cable was found almost immedi-
ately after the grapnel was lowered. This of
itself was signal triumph for science: but
far greater one was secured in completing the
connection. That the science of engineering
ard manipulating a mammoth vessel like the
Faraday should be so perfect that even amidst
the most terrific storm it can be controlled so
as to perform such delicate task as recon-
Meeting broken ocean cable seems marvellous,
even in this age Of wonders, and this last tri-
umph of the Faraday's is brighter than any of
those which have gone before.