, 1876-04-09

A bobtail ,ueh-A crowded State street car.
Diez wants to be President OF Mexico, but he
will probably Diaz traitor.
1t may be safely said that the people OF Wor-
cester won't say dam any more
Can man dining in new suit Of clothes be
said TO have rag-out for dlnners
Some of the "bcnt bulgers" think one city in
the Dominion is good place Toronto.
Hop-sing, a washee-washeo Chinamnn on
West Randolph street, ought to be in the song
and dance business.
The Ex-Governor OF Mississippi, SAYS he VAS
not frightened BY impeachment, for his Amea
we're Of tho purest. but it made his wife
Blanche
.If stand my trial, will lose, sir; so will
sh1p to Windsor" YRS the reply OF an indicted
Ringster when asked what he Was going to do
about it.
That rasca1lg comp" who substituted Eve
for ecru IN description OF ladys dress at
| reception in Washington. making it read Mlse
| Blank wore dress Of Eve silk" had evidently
been reading Hans Breitman's poem OF "the
maiden init nodngs o."
FuS-aLEAS1Nos
| Offerings Of the season. Twenty cents on the
dollar.
Somebody SAYS Tyndall calls his wife Mollis-
| aule. We suppose she calls him a-To1a-
Figures won't lie! Yes, they will: - Q,
There's only single "upright 1."-Dnaburs
| Ne7cs.
Professor OF Rhetoric: '.What important
| chance came over Burns in the latter part OF
| his life7" Senior: He died."
Professor ito Freshman) stWhst is a circle y
| Freshman latter much renectiou) "a round
straight line, with . hole in the middle"
| A physician boasted at dinner that be curad
| his own hams; when one OF his guests remarked,
doctor, I'd sooner be 5our ham than your pa
| tient."
"How one thing brings up another!" said a
| ladT, absorbed in pleasing retrospection-
"Yes," replied the practical Dobbs, AN emetic,
for instance"
Bristow says tho country is getting short o1
| currency; which is point in which We resemble
the country near enough to be tWlns--BT1dge
port Standard.
First Boy: II say, Jimmy, there's no water
It's frozen everywhere" Second Boy: - Bully
Maybe We won't have to wash ourselves till the
middle Of spring!"
a lazy fellow falling distsnce OF 50 feel
| and escaping with only few scratches, by
etander remarked that he Was "too slow to fal
fast enough to hurt himself"
They call it an act to promote pedestrian.
ism among Students" when the California Leg
islature DEGREES that no liquor shall be aold
within miles OF the State Unlyers1ty.-Hart
Jord Times.
Nineteenth Century.-s1other: "a1y boy
you should follow the example Of your parents
and forsake the delights OF immature years.
Son: ''Say, mother, so and sit down on your
self, won't yo1?"
4 man who contracted debt Of 81, 143 pron
| isad tn nav it in two inata1tnents Last weel
he forwarded $11, and promised to send tn,
other S43 IS eoon % the times get BETTER
Nor7isto,rn Herald
Little do rural boys imagine that, while the,
arc attending school aud striving to store theil
minds with useful information. bold, bad mel
in New York arc raising the price Of fza-crack
T ers.-Ddnbury Nesos.
A Connecticut stationer who was loaded with
large lot Of unstable paper checker-boards ha
had the Centennial buildings printed on the cor
nor OF each. and is now selling them rapidly q
maps Of Philadelphia