The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-07-22
VARIETY.

bAd4E14 I,
A young woman exclaimed the other day,
81 have excurted three times this Summer
bah - said John Henry's hopeful to a small
boy who wanted to whip him. :" you couldn t
lick postage stamp
Frinees for ladies dresses are unusually rich
this year, and will be worn very long-long
enough to reach to the bottom of q man g pocket,
probably
medical journal states that pebble carried
in the mouth excites the salivary glands to act
with such energy that thirst is not felt. So If a
ask for Tom and Jerry give him a stone.
New York World Intelligent housemaid-"Oh
please, Miss, there was young gentleman called
when you was out. He didn't leave no card,
MISS, but can show you who he is, cause there's
three of his photographs in your album
"Some confounded idiot has put that pen where
4 can't find it ~ growled a the other day as
he searched about the desk. "Ah, um, yes
thought so,'' he continued in a lower key, as he
took the article from behind his ear.
An exchange says:-We are in receipt of two
poems, one on the 50 Throbbing Brain" and the
other '' Bleeding Heart" We will wait
until we receive one on the So Stomach ache,' and
publish all three together.
1t has been said that truly innocent person
an angel to carry black vinegar bottle around
a neighborhood in which is located saloon, and
not have public opinion divided regarding its
contents.
LOYALTY AND BUsINEss.-A loyal citizen of
Madras welcomed the Prince of Wales on his
visit to that city with the following loyal motto
.God preserve the Prince of Wales, direct importer
of marmalade, jams, English stores. ale, wines,
spirits, and boots and shoes"
Two Pennsylvania tramps stopped at the house
of lone widow, and one went in to beg. Very
soon he came out with bloody nose and first
class black eye ''Well, did you get anything,
Jack 7'' YES growled the sufferer, "I've got
the widows might
Boston Transcript: An irate father in Rox-
bury has studded his front gate with nails, paint
ed his ioorsteps with tar, and keeps his watch
dog on half rations, but has found to his sorrow
that he can't make courting unpopular by any such
device. Not in Roxbury.
A Seabrook IN. III. J merchant has got the idea
and posted it in his store: 90 1t must be better
to wear a calico dress without trimmings if it be
paid for, than to owe the shop-keeper for the
most elegant silk, cut and trimmed in the most
bewitcbing manner
Norwich Bulletin: Darwin says that animals
have no religious sense but he probably never
observed the calm, reflective manner in which q
chicken will stand on one leg and look up to
heaven after squeezing through hole in the
fence into the strawberry bed next door.
How TO GO MAD.-Be an editor; let the devil
be waiting for copy sit down 10 write an article,
and put few sentences down; then let an ac-
quaintance dropin and begin to tell you stories
and gossps of the town; and let him Sit and sit,
and sat. This is the quickest way we can think
of to go raving distracted mad.
4 LyGACr To A MADHousE.-Dean Swift has
init Tor An nd of Olrnap has
left one hundred thousand francs to the local
madhouse. 81 got this money" says the candid
LAWYER in his will, ''out of those who pass their
lives in litigation in bequeathing it for the use of
lunatics, only make restitution"
Thanks, thousand of them, to the unknown
genius who entrusted trunk with a hive of bees
in il, to the tender mercies of Syracuse baggage
smasher the other day. The company will pay
for the bees, and the doctor thinks his patient
will be around again in fortnight IT so.-Albany
Express
Brigham Young spoke few words of wisdom,
the other day, to a youthful Chicago enthusiast
who called upon him. He said " Young man,
be sure you are through with your search for the
kind Of partner you want-be sure you have got
the pattern of woman that suits yop, before lead
ing her to the altar. Don't wait until after mar
riage, az did, and then keep on sampling.
TIT FOR Tar How long have you been in
was thO 1ASoeNOA yOoh6
Englishman to a young American at a public
dinner in London recently. ..About two weeks
was the reply. Really was the rejoinder of
John Bull and notice you talk our language
as well as we do - Yes was the reply of
Brother Jonathan 81 have not been here quite
long enough to forget how to speak it.
There was law suit at Justice Porter's the
other day, says the Detroit Free Press, which
called in score of people from the country. 1t
originated from the sale of horse, and the de-
fendants wife was one of the witnesses, or rather
made statement under oath. She testified thus
and SO and left the stand. Several other witness
ses had been sworn, when all of sudden she |
asked to be recalled telling the lawyer that she
had neglected an important portion of her testi-
Inony. She took the stand and he said:
;" '' Well, Mrs, you can tell the jury any
thing further you have bearing on this case
ssWeIl, what want to say she bluntly re-
piled, is that the complainant's wife has the
mutation of wearing false teeth and doing her |
hair up in papers to make it curl forgot to
swear to it when was mp here before"