The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-01-01

There were two young men OF Ottawa
Whc met in an unusual way;
=. And one, as he knows,
Got nasty big nose
Put on him, lis our duty to say ON machine
: Poet.
II it hadn't been Christmas last Saturday
: thered have been dead printer on that day ior
Chewing Up Joke Of ours; but as We didn't
, want to cloud the enjoyment OF the day by send
: ing round our Sc year old paste-pot for col
lection to bury him, the community were spar
cd the horror.
= Jay Blodeett got the largest christmas Box
in Ottawa, likewise very fine specimen of the
Russian Elk, stuffed
=, We've heard OF big feet. They have them in
La Sale, or iSencca, where they must have feet
like snow shoes to cover ground enough to stand
on. But never until last Wednesday night did
VIC sec ia Ottawa shoe so large that the front
doors OF the shop had to be throw open to allow
the youth to carry them out. It is said that
while they were being built, four men were able
to work on them without much crowding
| Many rules are given to make married life !
comfortable but this is said by our moral felosi-
fer to lie the best: $50 slow and give each 9th.
err half the road" This rule is as simple as milk
ing COW on the right side, and will be found as
useful as oil to avoid hot journals and dry axlcs
II is the duty of the press to give advice on
all matters, and our moral felosifer," as aforc.
said, has been grinding out some for our readers
to think of during this coming year to be used
next New Years, If they are fit:
II parents would tallow their childrcn's noses
after dark and put them TO bed, instead OF al.
lowing them to roam the streets, there wouldn't
be nearly so much music on the sweet catarrh
as there now is. Try it.
Even if conscious OF superior godliness, don't
look llnnaturally aud terrlfcally sour about it
If men think they must take qulnine and
whisky, let them take 1t when they are well and
strong, and able to bear ii. L
It's awful to hear "Siycr Threads" sung at /
midnight On Christmas night coming home
we heard it-can hear it yet Our rising hair
pitched our silk into the mud, the dentist has
been working all week trying to restore our il
teeth, and il we ever get our nerves into shape 9,
again we will hunt those mun to the DEATH They
passed safely over Madison street bridge and we =,
saw them no more, but If they see this they'll :.
know there's one suffering mortal yet alive who Of
hopes to see thcm-the most abominable sing
RS ~ this wrctched world ever saw. n
They were coming out Of the Methodist church Ill
IN Sunday night. Her face was beaming with
owe and innocence, and the solemn service had
10 touched the chords OF her heart that her
mile became angelic, as it we're; and as she ac.
eptcd tho proffered arm OF her escort she re-
marked In a tone Of heavenly sweetness: "Oh, in
Bill, wasn't that the boss prayer" T.
or course we don't want to nsinuatc anything; III
&c don't want to stir up another stencil like the oC
'hisky ring business, but we'd like TO bet some m
ne there was big ice ring up north. Every. Il,
nc knows that life is a burden If VIC cant have n,
berry cobblers and mintjuleps and what are h;
hey without ice! aud all the masters know this. a.
this weather don't prove that some kind OF a .
Ing manipulates old Boreas,-as the cornered Vi
pir,uslist says, il it amt spirits what is itr III
Rah. The Infant had two news items this :"
'cek Tuesday. Big ones too. Like to crib them -
mt are afraid they would bust the paper; but ~
was all about fellow, and pillow and livery VI
orses, &c, gotten up in the usual flowing style W
that sheet erprisin'-business! IL
The Missouri man who claimed that he husk. OF
800 bushels Of corn in a week, will find rival IN
l Larry -, of this city, who according TO his tn
ccount husked and cribbed 100 bushels per On
ay for about 81 days, receiving as his pay all de
orn husked over 100 bushels each day. He de- hs
res to become farmer and develop his husking IN
over5 next spring, and farmers desiring to pro- n
urc suitable husband for daughter will -
lease apply at once. ~
:. IN