The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-01-22
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.


tween these animals"
The st. Louis Times says; From the fall c
Adam, for his transgression, to the present day
the world mas never witnessed SO incongruous
spectacle as that of Grant running for the Presi
dency on religious platform"
A common drunk which at Ottawa or Streato
costs but s., costs So and $50 in Wenona Ne
wonder Wcnona can't make that coal shaft work
The Omaha Herald brags that while all the
world Is freezing to death, the people of this
vicinity are going aboNt in their shirt sleeves
This assertion will hardly be swallowed AS IL In
wolves the anteccdcnt belief that Omaha men
wear SHIRTS Chicago Times
The Kendall literary society at their next
meeting will discuss the question: " DO clrcum'
stances make the Man. YOrkriN RocoId.
How can they debate such question! Who
would think of calling fellow man that wasn't
circumstance:
Charles A. Dana, of the New York Saa says he
has tried to make money respectfully long
enough, and now he 1t going 10 make money
This will be news to many; we refer TO his as
sertion in regard to making money respectfully.
A female lecturer is telling tae people that po-
tatoes have a Supplying effect on them. She
Gust, adds Pennsylvania editor, have calen
great many herself
According 10 the L. S. censl; the nuulber of
IDIOTS in the u. S. is 24,52', without counting
that large portion whoa constantly starting
country newspapers, which bust after being pub
lished from three to nine months. But the cdi-
tor Of the Mendoza Bulletin don't belong TO that
class and is included in the count.
A French doctor says all great criminals have
been great smokers. 1t has likewise been oh.
served that all great criminals have been in the
habit OF sleeping at night and eating three meals
a day.
Drinkers who have sworn Of will be glad to
know that an orange eaten in the morning will
destroy the appetite for drink a whole day so
says Mrs. Partington
A down.ea paper says that young lady in
Duchess county rises at ) o'clock every morn
ing the year around. Any one who has ever
tried to sleep In Duchess county bed will be
surprised that she dosent get up good deal
earlier
The English papers mention Aston AS one OF
the lords Of the commonwealth, while our pa.
pers mention him as only landlord Of uncom-
mon wealth.
A Polish dancing master having committed
suicide in Erie the other day, Western paper is
moved to say THAT he schottish own head OFF,
WI -""" &c too lazy to work, and too cow
ardly 10 steal, he sits in a Iasr,.v,v. .-,---,I
irowns omnously at the free.lunch counter, and
remarks to his brothers in exile, "The country
is going to the dogs"
The only good joke that has appeared in Carl
Prctzevs Weekly in month is his nomination,
last week, of John 4. Logan for the Presidency.
Five brothers in York county, Pa, are the
fathers OF ffty-thrce children-kL.
Brigham Young can beat that alone and go
them ten better.
Miss Anthony says delicate children should
not be brought; up en- the bottle" How much
more noble that Is than to prance up and down
the land talking about female suffrage and wo.
mans rights.
DR.. Hall says that ght mir is very bad" aud
il people will keep on breathing after dark they
do it at their own risk, and have nobody but
themselves to blame for the consequences.
Philadelphia man has invented a new kind
OF mouse-trap. We know how it has been with
Ketly's motor, and we expect 10 be kept in a
state of anxiety and suspense months over that
mouse.trap. Times.
Turn over a new leaf" says a Tupperan ex-
change. The volume referred 10 is probably a
quart.o. See the pint?
The saying" Figures won't lie " is row admit
ted not to hold good when referring to gas
meter.
The Morris Herald advcrtses its readiness to
receive hot buckwheat cakes and maple molas.
SEES on subscription. YUM yum.
Dynamite Thomassen, after all, was a native.
born German. This is well authenticated, and II
is useless TO try to curse and blacken his memo
ry further by circulating the report that he was
born in ST. Louis.-Ch. TimeS.
Narcotics always feels bad 10 have any of her
residents pull up stakes and leave. Says the last
Herald
Two young gentlemen, said TO be monldcrs,
left last week. Their departure is mourned To the
extent OF about two hundred and thirty dollars
by their creditors.
your wife says any,Lin. about being obig.
ed to burn green wood, your reply should be
Just one hundred years ago to-day young re.
public struggled into life," and so on. II you
are well posted you can ou;.talk her.
VIM. b. Thompson the Arkansas murderer.
who was hung the other day, aud who kissed his
hands to the ladies jus. previous TO his stepping
down through the trap, was finished gentle.
man--in about two minutes.
The Prince of Wales will soon be In Lucknow.
E1 No doubt lie will have Delhi.tful time
81. Louis Republican. Let us hope he won't eK-
periencc any Agra-,ating delays on the route
Chicago Times. Nor attempt any n-jaubs
among the foothills Of the Hunalayas.-CiacH.
ndii Commercial Such jokes are enough to
make the hair Of llindostan on end. We Beg.
um TO stop.-Indid.apolis Journal. II the Prince
heard that he'd rajah round Madras March
hare. The man who said 1t would Benares end,
and that's what's the Mahratta; his life wouldn't
be worth a Pondicherry stones. Buddhist idol
10 POnderaburd what might happen TO him; he'd
Singapore song before Wales put his Ceylon
him for Goodgcnal.-IHier-O ceGH Dhar you see
punsters Honawhar path. Allahabad lot of jokes;
You'd Goa good way 20 findoh worse, though IL
Mazeemas far as you kannsehee that these are
Jsssuspoor lIoosungabsd songy Houpur- feet.