Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-05-26
Fl " III O r.

And deepens the chill of its dark running wave!
II NOR.
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GETTING AN OLD-FAsHIONED CoUN-
TRY DINNER.-Mr. Jones told his wife
last Sunday morning that he believed he
would walk out in the country, spend the
day with a farmer he knew, and get an
old fashioned country dinner. So after
eating scant breakfast, in order that he
might be able to ssput away'' good por-
ton of the old fashioned dinner that he
imagined he was going to get, he ''lit out"
AS it was several miles to where he was
going, the walking began to whet up his
appetite, and by the time he came within
sight of the farmers house he felt as if he
could devour an OK, and when he reached
the house and the savory fumes of roast
pork greeted his olfactories. his hunger be-
came almost beyond endurance.
After knocking about the place awhile
with the farmer, the coveted dinner hour
arrived, and with the full intention of do
ing justice to an old-fashioned country
dinner, Jones went to the house with the
farmer, and took seat at the table, and
being helped to a choice piece Of pork, he
'spitched in" telling the farmer that he
thought it was very nice.
Eyes," said the farmer, Hand if that hog
had lived till Christmas it would have
pushed four hundred pounds, but twas
taken sick the other day and died, and as
1or hn1 nhf
it, anyhow
Jones' eyes became about the size of his
plate, his appetite disappeared, and but
tonlng us his coat he looked at the farmer
and began shaking FROM head to foot.
.'Got chill, eh?" said the farmer, TAX
ing good sized mouthful of the pork,
which made Jones sick at the stomach.
eyes," said Jones, jumping up the
table and making for the door, ''and l
don't want to be 'iaid up on your hands;''
and leaving the farmer to eat his old-fash-
toned country dinner himself, Jones struck
out for home.
About three O'Clock that afternoon, Mrs.
Jones, who was taking a nap, was aroused
by hearing noise in the kitchen, and Oh
going out to ascertain the cause of it,
found John at the cupboard, devouring
cold victuals as if he had not tasted food
for week.
Didn't you get your old fashioned
country dinner?'' she asked.
"Get-thunder and lightning, no! Go
and make supper, old woman!'
The custom Of appointing young lawyers
to defend pauper criminals received Il
backset the other day. The judge had ap-
pointed two young lawyers to defend an
old and experienced horse thief. After in
speeding his counsel for awhile in silence,
the prisoner rose in his place and address
ed the bench: ''Air them to defend me?"
Eyes, Sir" said his honor. both Of
them?" inquired the prisoner. both of
them,'' responded the judge. .'Then plead
guilty." and the poor fellow took his seat
and sighed heavily.
The politeness of the Californian was
well demonstrated at a recent horse-race.
A man who lacked the necessary lucre u.
secure him admission at the gate, percleu
himself on a monument in Lone Monu-
ment cemetery, and composed himself to
watch the flyers. when, suddenly, another
fellow, reaching up, touched him on the
leg: II want that seat, Sir" sob, you Le
id" But it's my family tombstone;
my grandmother lies buried nere.' sob !"
said the sport, and accommodatingly
climbed down.
ha hoA
tive labor, upon the hard-earned accu-
mutation of a life OF Industrious cheek,
says thai the great secret OF his success
was, when he went to a house where the
female head of a house presented herself,
he always opened by saying, Il beg your
pardon, miss, but it was your mother 1
wanted to see.' That always used to get
'em. They not only subscribed for my
books themselves, but told me where L
could find more subscribers"
.sAh! Mrs. Dasher,' said gushing Mrs.
Simpleton, during her morning call, show
delightfully."- that bouquet of violets and
roses perfumes your parlors." ''Do you
really notice it?" inquired the widow, witt,
a smile of ill-concealed triumph. "Why,
they're only artificial, my dear Mrs. Simple
ton." that evening when Simpleton came
home he found his wife confined to bed
with a high fever, and no supper ready.
They were sitting together, he and she,
and he was arduously thinking what to
say. Finally he burst out with: SIN this
land of noble achievements and undyng
glory, why is it that women do not come
more the front; why is it that they do not
climb the ladder of fame?" 81 SUPPOSE"
said she, putting her finger in her mouth,
sit is all on account Of their pull ack."
A New Jersey street-car man wrote to
his sweetheart: 81 dent care mulch what
l do, you seem to feel stuck up above
hoss-car driver; If my hand is large my
heart is to. I want yer to understand that
it is easy ter cry tears but at the same time
yer hart may be tuffern a bell-strap."
AS the morning train reached Jersey
flats on Monday, a very pert young man
leaned forward and addressed lady
whom lie had never seen before; "These
are the celebrated Jersey fats, madam.
Then there are two of you," she prompt
ly replies. "Ah, yes, twins, I see.';
Two tramps stopped at the house of
lone widow in Westchester county, and
one went in to beg. Very soon he came
out with a bloody nose and black eye.
''Did you get Anything, Jack?" eyes"
c-