The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1876-01-01
HUMOROUS.

many men you can ssc aud yet cannot !
believe. s.
London underwriters refused to insure /
vessel because IL was named The /
Devil"
Josh Billings says " Nu cart .
change date by cu,sinc after an ,di- /
tiOn has been worked OH.
?, dantry pides herslf Oh being |
wrong by rules, while common sense is |
centent to be right without tncm.
One man reprimanding another, said |
he talked like II fool True" he said !
but 1t is that you may understand
me-
where are You going to?" asked
one little boy of another who had fallen
down, Going to get up" was the re
ply.
The Indians continue to alternate in
the ia. West, between minor maosacreS
and pipe smoking counetviOns.' Their
pipes of peace are mere shamS.
A lazy fellow falling a distance of
fifty feet and escaping with Ouly Il few
scratches, by stander remarked that
he was too slow to fall fast enough 10
hurt himself"
The look a man gives his wife when
he suddduly awakes in the morninga' d
finds her going through Iisvest pockets,
is not studied expression, but il Is eX'
celent In its way.
my dear" said husband in star
tied tones, after waking his wife in the
middle of the night. "i have swallowed
dose of strychnine. "' Well, then
for goodness sake lie still, or it iuay
come up"
A man whose appearance indicated
that he'was staggering from the exces-
slye weight OF a bricHin his hat being
asked ii he was Son Of Temperance
replied =" Ilic no-uo Telation-not
even an acquaintance.
To see how eagerly a human baing
will catch at straw, it is not neces-
sary 10 witness drowning. The
phenomenon Is now manifested chiefly
within saloons, where one end OF tie
straw is Immersed in a tumsler.
Mr.. BoDd, of Iowa, having matured,
has gone to be redeemed. Aged lO2.
Scotch saying Goar plsat wi a
mons mann on IS p wary goad thing,
but dinner plaat VIZ a mons dinner
on 5 better.
SIDNEY Smith once rebuked swear
ing visitor by saying, Let Us assume
that everything and everybody are dam
ned, aud proceed with our subject
Host-"Just another wee drap fore
you 90" Guest" ma, ma, al! tax
Dae mair. I'm in new lOdgin', and
I'm no vera weel acquainted wi the
stair" ''
Simplicity A man in New Orleans
court OF Justice, being examined as Il
witness, was asked ii he were born in
wedlOck. NO." answered the man
Il was born in Texas"
Mamma S darling didn't hurt his lit.
tie cousin purpoSely ; did he, dear" 1t
was all an accident, to br sure. -"
Eyes mamma; aud all want is to
crack him again T.
A convict wrote letter to his broth
era serious'ietter, without ain attempt
to joke. which, however, concluded
thus = IL must leave or now Iny feet
are so cold | cannot hold my pea"
Papa" said small urchin, with a
mischievous eye, ~ say, papa, ought
the master TO ilOg fellow for what he
didn't do ?" Certainly not. my boy"
"Well, then, he logged NE to DAY when
| didn't do my sums"
A New York merchant has been de-
tected measuring thirty,fOur inches TO
H. rl fI,pn ipnha., /. =.
towel, but it tells heavily on u 'wOolpn
shirt when the thermometer drops down.
Detroit Free Press. ~'" b..
"She Stoops to Conquer, was writ.
ten before the days of pin back skirts.
The little birds is Ludlow Street Jail
still sing, Tweed, Tweed" but no
Tweed appears.
There's woman in California 140
years old, who claims to be the Oldest
woman in the world. Queer claim for
q woman to make.
Why, pull-hacks are Just the thing
for skating. II the wearer should per-
chance skate Into hole, she would be
pulled back Of course.
Bridal tours are going out of fashion,
and the young man can enjoy the first
blissful days directly under the watch
full eye Of his mother in. law.
No Chinese bank has failed for five
hundred years, When the last failure
took place the officers heads were cut
ntf and flung into corner With the
other assets. '"
That much-talked-Of telescope, il Is
said, has really brought tile moon with,
In ten miles OF the earth. One or 20
turns more Of the screw may bring the
whole thing down on US.
The use Of tobacco should certainly
be taught in the public schools 1t has
been proved so many times over aud
over again that it is not only not in
furious but positively healthy, and its
use should not be neglected.
It Is worth while to remember the
profound saying of Herder in answer to
the vulgar aph0rism, No han is a'hero
10 his valet de chambre," viz; "lhis is
not because the hero Is not a hero, hut
because the valet Is valet"
''My son." said stern father to n
seVen-year- old hopeful, II must disci-
pline sou. Your teacher says you are