, 1876-04-30

n nro ofess,onal carpet-oleaner and "hlteWashe !
furdermo1, l doesn't compete Ao1 eA9@& '4
sab /" .,,
A careless Dubuque boy swallowed reVolver-
.,-tr;dra ona day last week and his mother
5oesn't dare to "wollop him, for fear he'll 60
OF.
.What is your business, sir7" asked ths
Conrt ir 3 Sharp voice. IA eonohologlst.
"What's that2" eaid tho judge - open
ulams."
.Tnat," said the tramp, " is the top buck
wheat. It hss been used to keep the others
warm, and don't cat no coverllds-' 80 he 1alo
it one side.
A frontier Texan, who WAS asked it he WIS go
inc to attend the Centennial Exhibition, guile
lessly replied: "pd Like to, but I'll have to put
1t of till next year."
Aman never knows until In great emergency
how much he can bear; andso be never realizes
until he moves how rpany empty bottles "atnoas
corks he is the sole proprietor OF.
4 Wisconsin editor illustrates the prevailing
extravaganza Of the people Of the present day oy
calling attention to the costly baby-carr1ages 10
use now. while, when he was baby, they haulea
him Al ound By the hair Of his head.
"My poem is rather lengthy" she said, "ana
may be you won't have loom for it thls week.
The editor yawned and replied: "Oh! yes, We
could find room for il il it was twelve times as
ong. Our stove is q large one, you see.
Aleck is 6-year old boy who is very fond OF
ice-cream. He Was permitted to dine with ing
family the other evening, and, as usual, wanted
more ice cream: but, as he made his wish known
he added; Cant sou hotten 1t little :"
An exchange asks "What are our young
man dong pm We can't answer for the rest OF
the country, but around here they are engaged
manly in trying 70 lead nine-dollar existence
on q seran-dollar sa1ary.-Norusch Buttetin.
"Represent mo in nv portrait" said gentle
man to his painter, +" with book IN my nano'
and reading aloud. Paint my servant, also, IN
corner where he cannot be seen, but in such
manner that he may hear me when I call him.
Old lady (hohng very small cabbage:
"What! Ten cents for such thing" Ponte
orocer's clerk eyes, ma'an but it . because
Of the Centennial. ma'am. There's 80 many
furriners a-comin' that smoke, caboages IL riz.
It has been said that q truly innocent person
will never be an object of suspicion, but DEFY
an anEe to carry black vinegar 6ottle asouno ;a
not have public opinion divided regarding Its
contents.
Two tramps in Westchester County stopped at
the house Of q lone widow and one went 10 to
beg. Very soon lie came out With bloody nose
and q first-class black eye. ~ Well, did you get
anything, Jack?" Yes groVleo the soHetef'
'Iye got the widows might"
Its a6tonl8hlnE WnaL 4ulch u1ocFilu'Ah1Aoa
dogs have i'll regard to the character OF callers.
A tree-agent called st Spilkins' house the other
day. and five minutes later the latter's faithful!
aor came and laid at his masters feet tattered
remnant Of the VISITORS coat-tall.
Postmaster-General Jewell will figure as Con-
necticut's "favorite SOD IN the Clnelnnatl
Convention. At meeting OF the State delega-
tion in New Haven on Friday, eight out Of the
twelve delegates we're present. and letters were
received from three others. Ten were IN favor
of Mr.. Jewell, one (Gen. Hawley) was in favor
Of Bristow, and the preference OF the other ls
unknown.
advocate the claims Of William Allen to the
Presidency, is really in favor OF Judge DAVIS,
but is afraid to say 30 for fear OF injuring his
chances NTH the hard-money wing OF the party.
Davis. it Is we'll known. is little unsonnd on
the currency question. dc coileagueo WITH tne
Labor Reformers at time when they we're talk
ing the widest imitation.