The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-12-15
Wit and HumOr.

THE third river in Scotland is the
Forth.
CAPITAL wanted: ConstantinOple for
the Russians.
ADAM SMITH said "Man is an animal
that makes bar gains" So does whisky.
THE Polish historian, Bielowsli, is
dead-above-s at last, we may believe.
= Worcester Press.
SHAKESPEARE in horticulture-"That
which we cauifower by any other name
would smell as sweet"
A PAPER says that Sergeant Bates has
written his name Immortality. Yes, he
is sort of indelible incubus.
"MAT1LDA, 1 am young and rich. l
can make you supremely happy. You
can, George, by leaving me forever"
He went his way.
" you are going to educate your son
for the life insurance business, you must
instill in his mind that modesty Is not
the best policy Yonkers Gazette.
edo MEN," asks an exchange, sat
tempt to gather grapes of thorns 2" We
should say not, unless the night hap
pens to be unusually dark Worcester
Press.
"I'D have you to recollect that am
Mr.. Falls, of Dungannon." The answer
was ready: 81 don't care if you are Mr..
Falls of Niagara, you shan't ride over
my hounds.
"GEoRsE, dear, don't you think it
rather extravagant of you to eat butter
with that delicious jam2" "No, love-
economical! Same piece of bread does
for both -"
By the way, that's good charade-
"My first (syllable) is company; my sec
ond shuns company; my third calls COM
pany; and my whole entertains compa-
n.y." Give it up9 Why, oo-nun-d drum,
Of course.-Ne,0 York Graphic.
"LooK, love-" he exclaimed, "only
S15 for a suit of clothes" SIS it a
wedding suit 2" she asked, looking
naively at her lover. "Oht no." he
replied; it's only business suit"
"Well, l meant business" she replied.
M. CoLoMBIEs, merchant of Paris,
recently deceased, has left $1,000 to a
lady of Rouen for having, twenty years
ago, refused to marry him, "through
which, says the will, 81 was enabled
to live Independently and happily as a
bachelor"
"YoU look bored" said Mrs. Ma
coffin to her domestic husband, as he
stamped into the house and flung him
self YEARLY into a chair. "And 80 /
am" he replied, "bulletin board"
Terrific applause and cries Of "more.' y
-HdVk-Eye.
They have arrested bigamist for lit.
orally hacking his second wife into
mince-meat. He admits everything.
miserable and sanguinary offenderl"
says the Judge, sternly, "of what were
you thinking when you butchered your
unfortunate wife" 81 was thinking
that If the other one had besn there I'd
have made myself complete widower
while was about it. :"
CONVERSATION near the marriage IL
cense clerks desk, between clergyman
who had come to make q marriage re-
turn and n-iddle-aged man waiting to
see one of the clerks. Clergyman
"Good morning, my friend; where is
that pair of boots you promised TO make
me instead of the fee which you had
not the money to pay when 1 married
you2" "Oh, I'll make them the first
chance I get; but I'll make two pairs
If youth unmarry me again"
The Grophic's poet thus records the
death of family OF newspaper borrow
ers, who contracted small pox and other
diseases from their neighbours journal:
A doting wife and fond papa,
Seven brave and intellectual eoua,
Thirteen fair daughters, pure nuns,
And two delightful mothers-in-law,
-Four beauteous aunts, one cousin (mael,
Six nieces and three nephews (dats),
One poll and nine melodous cats
Not one remained to tell the tale
THE Citizen Soldier relates the fol-
lowing: Notwithstanding the reports to
the contrary, many of our militia do
attend divine service, and some are de-
won't worshipers, as many know; but
last Sunday ex-Major l. attended
church in this city, and having been up
pretty iato the night before at the annual
reunion of his old regiment, he fell
asleep, and when the passer round of
the contribution box nudged him, he
partially awoke, smiled and murmured,
81 don't smoke, thank you," and drop
nod off a 0ai,