Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-03-01

A FRENCHMAN who has lived in Amer
lea for some years, says: "When they
build railroad, the first thing they do
is to break ground. This is done with
great ceremony. Then they break the
stockholders. This is done without
ceremony.
In the days of our fathers, when a
man suddenly dropped out of the COM
munlty, they used to drag the neigh
boring ponds and examine all available
hanging places in the vicinity. Now
adays the first steps are to investigate
his bank account.
The Parsons Daughter" I'm glad to
hear that you don't object to a few
candles being placed on the altar these
dark evenings, Mrs. Brown I" The
Sextoness-Bless you, Miss, I see they
wasn't Roman candles-only compost
tors p-Panach.
elf place my money in the savings
bank" inquired one of the newly-ar-
rived, when can I draw it out again %
"Oh p responded the Hibernian friend,
'sure, an if [ put it in to-day you can
get it out again tomorrow, by giving a
fortnight's notice
A New YORK policeman found
baby in the street Wednesday evening
with the following note pinned to its
clothing: +" / am sorry to have to do it,
but | am a poor young woman and
have no way to support it, SO l thought
it was better than to destroy it. Its
name is Sarah Elizabeth Holden; two
weeks DID,"
The Greeks characterized human
follies and absurdities by such phrases
as "he blows the air." che is making
clothes for fshes;;" he catches the wind
with net" "he roasts snow in fur
nace;" " he holds a looking glass to
mole;" I" he is teaching iron to SWIM"
che seeks wool on an ass" che washes
the Ethiopian
ANGLER" Deuced odd, Donald; I
can't get fish over seven pounds when
they say Major G., above us, killed
half d dozen last week that turned
twenty pounds apiece" Donald
"Aweel, sir, it's no that muckle odds
18th sawmon, but thae fowk up the wat
ter is bigger leears than we are doom
here"
A MAN with red face, and looking
rather shabby, called at house in the
country one Sunday, and asked for a
drink Of cider. The good lady of the
house refused telling him that she
would not. He urged, telling her she
had better, for some persons had enter
tanned angels unaWares. EYES," said
she, ~ know that. But angels don't
go about drinking cider on Sunday"
AS an illustration of how busy every
one is now in Washington, Miss Grundy
tells of lady who recently went into
one of the largest dry goods empori-
ums and asked for gloves. 81 want"
she said, "a pair Of white kids and a
pair of black kids, and want them
quick. [ am going to wedding at IL,
funeral at 8, and reception to-
night"
A SWEET young creature who lives
out on Angular street, and is just back
from Vassar, appealed with tender pa
thos to her grim parent, the other day,
e Paw, dear paw, can't you give Cahlo
| away, and buy me a seal brown black
and-tan to match my walking suit ?"
And because paw roared and gufawed,
and said there were no brown black
andtans in the market, she cwied, poor
girl.-Burkmgtoaa Haaakeye.
A MINISTER who had been reproving
one Of his elders for over-indulgence,
observed COW go down to stream,
take a drink, and then turn away.
There said he to his offending elder,
is an example for you; the cow has
quenched her thirst and retired"
g Yes,' replied the other, that is very
true, but suppose another COW had
come to the other side Of the stream
and had said, Here's to you,' there's
no saying how long they might have
gone on"
A LONDON correspondent states that
Mr.. n. G. Holmes has lately had con-
structed an immense organ for his
magnificent residence On Primrose Hill.
It has four boards, sixty-fve speak
ing stops and 1900 pipes. In connec-
ton with the great organ is an echo
organ, built away from it, and worked
by the electric action. Then there is
carrillon, or peal of bells. Altogether,
Mr.. Holmes has power enough in his
house to please his neighbors for a
quarter of a mile around, or, if he
pleases. to make life insupportable to
them.
ABOUT these humorists there really
need belittle said. They have nation
al, and, as far as humor can be trans
lated, a universal reputation. But we
do not realize how much good humor
there is published in our Metro
politan and country journals. In the
Boston Commercial Bulletin, the New
York Commercial advertiser, the N. Y.
Telegram, the Rochester Democrat, the
Louisville Courier Journal, the Norwich
Bulletin, the Norristown Herald, and
upon occasion, in nearly every paper
of note in the country, appears bits of
humor over which no one with any
sense of the ludicrous can help the
loud laugh that does not "mark the
vacant mind. "-HousehoM World.
The Pottsville PENN. Miners Journal
of the 18th inst. says: "The quantity
of coal sent from the Schuylkill region
for the past week was q, SIS tons,
against 9,O68 tons for the corresponding
week of last year; increase 1917 TONS
4 AVA