West-Jersey pioneer., 1876-08-24

service plank, and he remarked:
"Gentlemen on this pint 700 must dwell
with great earnestness, and at much length.
Make no mistakes in this. Insist that eff
Tilden and Hendrix is elected no man shell
be histed out Nv offs becoz NV his politikle
vews; that no man shell be appinted to offs
becoz Nv servises to party, and that fitnis,
honesty and sich, wich were 'Jeffersonyun
tests, shell govern the distribooshen NV
patronage. Remember this and make no
mistakes about it. This must be dwelt
upon"
Immejitly every one Nv the stumpers
rose ez one man to his feet, and demanded
to be heerd. They come up in solid pla-
teons, and ez I glanced along that line Nv
shinin noses, / wuz reminded Nv fire works,
"This is all very well,' sed one, 'but l
expected that L wuz to be collector Nv the
deestrik, in the event NV the elecshen Nv
the CRATE reformer."
81 will hev the postofis in my town, or
not word will howlp' shrieked another.
And every blessid one Nv EN- insistid that
he'd hev place or reform mite go to blazes.
The grand organizer rose, camly, selected
book from out Nv a dozen or more he he'd,
and addressed himself to the first man who
raised a shindy.
"Yoor name is
''Simpkins.''
"Your county ?"
"Posey."
''You are down for collector, l see. Nv
course yoo will hev it,
'And what is fixed for me ?' demanded
the second.
''Yoo are to hev the postotfis in your
town. And before we go any further we
will settle this matter NV the offiSes. We
arranged it with yoor committy at St.
Loois." $3.50
And he red out a list Nv the ofises in the
State, and who wuz to hev EN-. There wuz
some trouble, for they all warnt provided
for; nor wuz those wich he'd bin provided
for alluz satisfied with wat he'd bin given
EN-. 1t wuz all fixed, however, for in coun-
ties wich he'd Dimocratic majorities some
Nv EN- were promised nominations, and
quite number Nv consulships and small
furrin mishens were huv in to satisfy EN-
all.
The next question that come up wuz how
to treet the money question. Instrucshens
wuz asked.
The grand organizer riz to his feet.
ssLemme see,'' he sed, swat State am
in? Oh yes, remember, Injeany. 1 find,
by referrin to my instruckshens, that in
Injeany 700 must be sofu-money-modritly
in the northern part Nv the State, but
rampantly in the extreme southern part
goin ez fur ez Pendleton did, with strong
and decided leanin toward repoodashen.
Also down ther yoo may sandwich in ez
much uy the niger ez yoo kin git in. Eff
yoo hev any old banners left over from for
mer campanes denouncin nigger equality
and deprecatin marryin niggers, it wood be
well to trot em out agin. Returnin to the
currency, eff any NV yoo shood be called to
speek in other States-wich yoo probably
won't be- he added, glancin at ther faces,
''don't tech the topic at all till yoo hev
consutid the lokle Committees. Be very
kerful about this. And in other States
don't go on the platform full of lkker, so
ez you shell not hev yoor memories. Be
keerful about this, for eff 700 shood make
an Injeany speech in Connecticut it wood
rooin us. Don't git drunk till after the
meetins, and after the people hev all gone
I shood suppose the drunker the man wuz
the more he wood talk to the satisfaction
Nv the Injeany Dimocrisy, but in Conecti-
cut and Moo York it's different. Yoo must
keep sober till after the meetins there.''
Weereupon the speakers all rose ez one
man and remarked that eff it wuz all the
same they didn't want to go to Connecticut
or any Nv them beastly States to speek.-
They wuz simple sons Nv nacher, and des-
pissed bloeted aristocracy, sich ez the grand
organizer wuz descrin.
Then | rose.
''Sir," sed I with stern and determined
look, zone thing more remains. Are we to
go out like the Appossels without scrip in
our purses? That Good be done in Joodee,
for that climate wus mild enuff to sleep out
doors, and the Appossels didn't hev whisky
or tobacker to buy, ez hev bin informed.
/ never saw in any Bible l ever red any ac-
count NV ther doin' it.''
''Uv course we can't elect the CRATE re-
former without money" ejackilated anoth-
er. "In my county | hev to import cou,
pie NV hundred Nv Irish patriots who amt
nateralized, and there are ten or dozen
Irish wet groceries in my town who hev to
be arranged with, to keep EN- strate. Be-
sides one maniwho hez astone quarry, rekires
at least hundred dollars to keep his men
tite enuff to bring EN- solid on eleckshnp
day." w ass II aa
s.My frends," sed the grand organizer,
q ssall NV this hez bin provided for. Do yoo
suppose the Great Reformer wood let the
COZ Nv reform be jeopardized for want NV
money? Doyoo suppose that John Morris
sey wood let us go into the skrimmage un-
provided? He is runnin his three faro banks
mite and day, and hez pledged all his profits
to the coz. Wehev assessed all the men to
whom we hev promised the Fedrel offises in