The Portland daily press., 1876-09-26
FOR PRESIDENT.
Jonathan'S MetamOrphOses

Jcnathan's MetamOrphoses.
The old-time Yankee, that genial myth,
who owed his outward form to English Carl
caturists and his soul to Judge Halliburton,
the Dickens Of 1912, Mrs. Trollope and
Punch, used to amuse the universe exceed
ingly by declaring that he could "whip'' it
and would do so on the smallest provocation.
That he never did actually come to blows
with the unlimited-that he never in fact did
polish Oft this universal frame and cause its
lmprudent hackers to throw up the sponge.
was due, in the opinion of this mythical per-
son himself, not to any apprehension of dan
ger on his part but to his contentment with
the fact that, in fgurative sense he did
whip it habitually by his unchallerged supe-
riority in every essential particular. 81 ex-
pect," said Sam Slick, 'that the British whip
the whole world and we whip the British"
Thus the ideal Yankee in his palmy
days. A third of century later the hapless
Jonathan of romance underwent a change
and change decidedly for the worse. The
new efigy, more mythical even than the first,
had stripes not only on his spindle legs, but
on his whole gaunt person. He was in pris-
on garb. He had been before his change
"smart" and ''shrewd.' and ''knowin';" he
became grossly knavish, tricky and vicious.
He used 10 outwit his neighbors by his cute
ness, but he now cut their throats as a pre-
liminary to picking their pockets. He who
had formerly borne the jack-knife as a pleas
ant emblem of incisiveness and genius for
coutrivance and practical administration, was
now loaded with burglars tools. He who
had been merry charlatan, at his worst pic
turesque, became long faced sneak with a
pronounced tendency to forgery, embezzle-
ment and breaches of trust.
No patriotic American, not even Mr.. James
Russell Lowell in his gIoom:est mood, has
acknowledged this picture to be exactly fair
1t has always been he'd on this side of the
Atlantic that the extraordinary exhibitions
of pecuniary dishonesty which were charac-
terissic of the half decade preceding the pres
ent year, were not due so much to the excep.
tlonal corruption of Jonathan's system, as to
the vigorous means used to bring the disease
to the surface. 1t must be confessed that, in
nurses parlance, it "came out beautifully"
But when the measles come out, all persons
OF experience regard it as sign of GONZALES
cence. They even give what are called in
the country ''driving teas" to produce the
desirable but unsightly result. This was
aYqntIv what mo until
1t was discovered that he was suffering from
violent attack of disease which no nation
has ever escaped after great war. "Let us
have it all out" was the general cry. So the
drastic and bitter draughts were poured down
the patients throat in floods. The House
committees and the officers of the executive
departments of the general and state govern
ments We'd with each other in plying the sick
man with saffron and pennyroyal. Besides
the official physician-in-ordinary, almost
every honest newspaper and honest man lent
hand and administered his little dose.
No wonder the general aspect of things be-
came somewhat spotted. Every district,
county ard state attorney was on the alert,
every grand jury hungry for its share of ap.
plause, every newspaper converted into a
detective agency, and every judicial and leg
islative body acting as an investigating COM
mittee. "The eye of Europe was upon US
and its expression was so unfriendly and so
expressive of disgust that there were some of
our own citizens who cried out Justify against
the vigorous selfpurifcation which had
brought every speck Of moral disease forth
into the sight of men. They especially COM
planned OF the newspapers for the conspicu-
Gus part they had taken in attending the pa
tieut, and there can be no doubt that undue
and wicked license has sometimes been taken
in assaiing innocent men and great reckless
ness in confounding guilt and innocence.
However painful and tortuous the means,
the result is good. Jonathan need not now
be ashamed to exhibit himself anywhere. The
new Yankee is finer fellow than the old. 1t
is safe to say that within the last six months,
or perhaps year, no public officer in the
United States, above the grade of idiocy, has
stolen anything. There were probably never
before in the history of the world affairs Of
such extent and complication, involving the
expenditure of such vast sums of money,
carried on with so little dishonesty and waste,
The existing impossibility of committing the
smallest offense without detection has, We
believe, resulted not only in restoring the
ordinary degree of fidelity and integrity in
the official corps, but the most scrupulous
and exact conscientiousness in all depart.
ments of the government. For once, at any
rate, we believe that Jonathan does whip
the universe" and in that very particular TOT
where he has been regarded as most wanting
And we may reasonably hope that this
present practice of honesty may har
den into fixed habit and that ou
foreign cities may be forced to recognize
as the permanent Yankee type ;
bright-eyed, clean-limbed, sound-hearted
fellow, who can look the whole worlG
squarely in the face and demand an acknowl
edgment of his claim to moral superiority;
Yankee whose cleaning jack knife shal
carve out for himself and for the world
better destiny than humanity has ever ye
dared to dream.
"Cast in some diviner mold
Let the new cycle shame the old''
The Republicans of Indiana are preparing
for magnificent demonstration on tn
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