The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-09-07
Wit and HumOr.

A POOR relation-telling an anecdote
badly.
OLD age appears to overtake fast
man soonest.
A GOOD citizen is peace maker. But,
says surly friend, so is bull in china
shop-it makes pieces, too.
A MAGAZINE writer asks: "Do birds
die natural death g. AS birds do not
employ physicians we can see no good
reason for asking that question.
WHAT is the difference between a hap
ply death and Stanley's body-servant2
You see it, of course-one is euthanasia
and the other is youth in Africa.
In Canon City, Col, man can't take
couple of broken chairs to the cabinet
shop for repairs without hearing such
imputations as: "Hit you with chair,
did she?"
AMID the general business depression
it is gratifying to the philanthropist to
know that no attempt has yet been
made to reduce the wages of sin.-NeaO
York Dispatch.
BoSNER has horse named Music,
good in g hurdlerace. In the even
tenor of his way he takes five bars alto
gether, in good time. He never misses
an oat, and is easy to Handel.
"YoUNG MAN." said the Judge, " did
you steal that piece of hardware?" "No,
sir, replied the prisoner, ct don't steal
hardware. That isn't in my line of bus
mess. Chickens and coal is my line"
"PETER. don't you enjoy the astro-
nomical phenomena these evenings
said a well-to-do citizen, residing in
West Harrisburg, to his colored en-
ploye the other evening. "'CIar to
goodness, I never tried 'em mushmel-
on is my favorite fruit. "
THANKS, and thousand of them, to
the unknown genius who intrusted
trunk, with hive of bees in it, to the
smasher the other day. The company
will pay for the bees, and the doctor
thinks his patient will be around again
in fortnight or SO.
/ NARRAGANsETT PIER claims that for
pretty girls this Sc tson she's without
eer.-Bost02o Post. Pretty cheeky,
that. An-arrogant-sett pears to be at
that place this summer. Philadelphia
Bulletin. And they are declared by
those who have looked upon their frames
to be q Narrow gaunt set, too.-Ihe
| Graphic.
THEY'VE got the laugh on the Cincin-
natl railroad man just returned from
Florida. TIE story is that he and two
or three other friends, after days fish
ing off the Atlantic coast, spread all sail
on their smack for home, but after
standing three hours before the wind
and making no Roadway, they suddenly
remembered that the anchor had been
down all the time.
| A BOY sat at the corner of Grand
River avenue and Park Place gnawing
away at some watermelon rinds which
| had been thrown out of store. A passer
halted, observed the lads occupation
and asked: "Boy, why do you gnaw
those melon rinds?' s"Cause the other
teller got the start of me and gnawed
the core !" was the very complacent re-
ply.-FTee Press.
A WRITER in Notes and Queries tells
the following good story Mr.. Falls, a
weIl-known Irish sportsman, happened
one day to ride down a hound. The
irascible but witty master attacked him
in no very measured language. "ST, "
was the reply, SID have you recollect
I am Mr.. Falls, Of Dungannon. The
answer was ready: g don t care If you
are Mr.. Falls, of Niagara you shan't
ride over my hounds"
e'Mks. SMITH" says Mrs. Jones, at
Long Branch, "your boy Johnny hit
my boy Jimmy over the head with a
croquet nallet, and I am surprised you
allow him to act SO outrageously. :"
"My boy" says Mrs. Smith. drawing
herself up to her full Smithsonian In
stitute height, els perfectly well be-
haved; he was probably provoked to hit
your VIGOROUSLY bad Jimmy, and [ con-
slider it rude and impertinent for you to
address me in this excited manner"
The late Rev. Geo. Holton, OF Bolton,
Conn.,, was a rather eccentric parsonage.
After his first wife died he contracted q
matrimonial engagement with widow
of his flock. In his time it was custom
airy to publish an intended marriage
in church week or two before the in
tended event took place. He read his
own notice in the following poetical
manner
I, the Rev. George Holton,
And the widow Martha Moulton,