Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-18

II umOfOuS.
An Illinois preacher, who believed that fire
insurance was dcfyiug the Lord, is now living
in Il barn until his congregation can find him
another house.-IDetroit Free Press.
a Guucestershre peasant had wrested for
Il long tine with very tough piece Of oak, on
which he had been unable to make any impres
siou, and at last bust out with the imprcca.
ton, "DouI The PIGS that didn't eatt thee when
thou vast an acorn
Ma, VIVA, is Iankcr?" inquired bright.
locking child, the other day. II III sure |
don'i krow. my SOD. Where did y,u hear he
word?' why, at Sunday school. Yu
know they sing, We'll stand the storm, il
won't be Ioug; we'll tanker bye-and-by ~
| Men, says Adam Smith, are naturally un-
sentimental. A man will scoop the Inside out
of all egg without thinking that the mother Of
that egg is perhaps thousand miles away, 90
the sunny side OF a barn, talking politics aud
scratching autographs ike Spluners.
During recent revival excitement in the
outskirts of this country, request was made
| for all who desired the prayers of tho church
to rise. A shaggy old miner, burning with a
desire to do his part, arose, and putting his
hand down into his Duckskiu, meekl inquired,
How much will it be, boss p Canon City,
COL. Avalanche.
Class iu Natural Philosophy. Subject,
"Den,ity of Bodies" Professor (who meas
ur.s over six tect) to small student: III
we're in the air aud falling, and you were di
rcclly uuder me aud also falling, d you think,
Sir you could get on; Of my way? NOT II
you were coming down horizontally, Sir.
Class laughs, professor ditto.
"NIis Smith, does Il cormorant eat straw
berries ?' 'L.w me 90. child. What put
that into your head p Cause ma told Sarah
no. t. bring out the wbcrrics aud cream un-
ii! tnat old rmoraDt, Mss Smith, had LETT. .
About ten minutes afterward that child and
his mother weut up into the attic aud played
"peys hot ami peas cold for nearly an hour.
Il is we'll encu-h 10 talk ofelevatiog the tone
CT social conversation but when we'll meaning
young man tries to introduce prot"pasm a. a
III C, at y little gathering, and finds that
~. ybody thinks ne is referring to a pew kind
# ,astsr aud considers him indicate 10 doing
50, he is apr to feel that the life of he retormer
i-a kind OF perpetual picnic 90 an ant-hll!.-
Norwich Bulletin
Il csrao New Eog'aud college a short
. titne ago, it Was proposed to compel the stu
den ; to attend Divine services 10 the college
chapel, Instead ol 10 the church as heretofore.
Wh;Ie the matter was being seriously discusse
i,y the faculty, one Of their number suggested
the following text as appropriate Tor the rcca
!. son "Aoi ic We here with the Ass, while and
the al g VI yunder 10 worship. - B SOL
Globe.
L. the Newark Savings Institution building
number # lawyers otic"- are located 4
philosophical c9iored mau fDuirShes there a:
janitor Last "Wednesday he dropped int
FIlpk For''> Office and asked, "M,ssa Fort. Dc
| y,u know Lawyer A. 10 dis building ??
"On, yes very well, was the reply. Gosh, ,
sail the qlc.ioncr, hes got the littlcst heat
, | ever seed At this remark fat uesro who
+ was present. spoke up, "Whar use man 90
/ with big trunk when he amt got clothes 2
Newark Register
gentleman who held a responsible position
under the Government at Washington concIud
ed to change his lodgings. He sent one Of The
walters OF the hotel where he had selected hi
apartments after his baggage. Meeting thu
waiter an hour or two atterward, he said
well, John. did you bring my baggage dow :"
mo sal y handy responded the sable geotIe
uau. "Why-what's the rea<on?" Case
sar, the gentleman il de ,.ffice said gu had no
> paid your bill" Not paid my biI-why
> that's singuIar-he knew Inc very well when h,
, kept the Girard House in Philadelphia.
well, mebbe" rejoined John, thoughtuIIy
, scratching his head, dat was III" reason VIII!
he wouIdn't give me de baggage?'