The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-10-05
ALI Sorts of Paragraphs.

reforms himself asSSd s
s. Wedding tours are all Centennial
ward now-a days. :ss
The man who runs in debt may
live to walk in despair.
- Economy is the new fall fashion,
and very good fashion, too.
- The man who minds his own busi-
ness has good steady employment.
= If falsehood paralyzed the tongue,
what death-like silence would pervade
society.
"A true American is too proud to
beg and too honest to. steal. He gets
trusted. g. ~
- "Be content with what you have"
as the rat said to the trap when he left
his taitlin it. - =
= Why was the first of September
like the ,transgressioa of Adam2 Be-
cause it was the beginning of the Fall.
A young poet of the realistic school
writes: ls"Time marches on with the
slow measured tread of a man working
by the day."
Along next winter when the wood
| gives out and the potatoes run low, it
won't help the family bit to remember
that they went. the Centennial.
- A boy has written composition on
tieturtle, in which hesays: Aturtle is
not so frisky as man, but be can stand
hot coal on his back longer without
squalling. IS +
1t is said that ladies who wear silk
are less liable than others to be struck
by lightning, Every woman with good
husband will now be provided with new
silk dress.
- IF man does not make new ac-
auaintances as he advances through life,
he will soon find himself left all alone.
a man should keep his friendships in
constant repair. sxp 4
"A Connections school marin, who
was recently kissed in the dark by mis-
take, explained her Omission to use any
light for nearly two weeks afterwards, Oh
the ground Of hard times.
= A tramp was recently met by hos
pitable farmer in Westchester, who asked
him if he wanted work. "No," replied
the tramp; "what L want is bloody
SulTl dHu Pleuty Va uioleJ'
"Pompey, what am dat dat goes
when de wagon goes, stops when de wagon
stops; it am no Use To de wagon, and de
wagon can't go without it?"Y 81 glib
it up, Clenl." "Why de noise, oh
course"
"A boyinTennessee committed sui.
eide the other day because-his mother
sent Him to the woods for a hickory
stick, with which he was to be punished
for taking sugar out Of the sugar bowl"
= 1t is said that yellow fever never
spreads in the pine woods, and cases taken
there lose their contagiousness. From
this circumstance it is argued that rosin
is the best of all yellow fever disinfec-
tants.
A beautiful but blind young lady
recovered her sight after marriage. On
hearing this bachelor wickedly OBJ
served that it was no uncommon thing
for the peoples eyes to- be opened by
matrimony.
- A Connecticut woman claims to be
the most economical housekeeper living.
She has been at it. forty years, and has
just begun on her second paper of pins.
She has used one needle almost daily for
the past twenty-five years.
"A few years since, at The celebration
of an anniversary, poor peddler who
was present, being called upon for a
toast, offered the following: "Here is
health to poyerty-it sticks to a man
when all his friends forsake him."
-"I assure you, madam, it is no
trouble 10 show goods" said a weak dry
goods clerk on Broad steet, who had beea
taking down and putting up everything
in his department for two hours without
making a cent. He said it very sweetly,
but he lied.
A theological student, supposed to
be deficient in judgment, was asked by
Professor, in the course Of class exami-
naiion, Pray, Mr.. E, how would
you discover a foolF "By Che questions
he would ask" was The rather stunn og
reply.
- Why is it that man always defers
knocking the ashes off his cigar until
they have fallen inside his vest, and a
woman always teartuJly declares, The
morning after the first white frost, that
she had intended to bring those house
plants in the next day?
- In plowing down green crops, at
tach heavy chain to the front OF the
plow beam, which drags down the grass,
~ that it does not choke the plow. In
this way it can be plowed down so nicely
that one would hardly believe two feet
OF clover had been turned under.
"A mercantile firm at Spirit Lake,
Iowa, have adopted new method OF do
ing business. No books are kept. When
customer desires credit he goes to the
desk and borrows money, for which he
gives his note, payable with interest.
He then buys his goods aud pays tor
them.
- ais it becoming to e?" asked a
lady, as she paraded in the costume OF
one hundred years ago, before the man
who is not her lord and master, but is
her husband. Eyes, my DEAR" said he
meekly. Don't you wish could dress
This way all the time?" she asked. "No,
my DEAR" he answered, "but wish you
had lived when that was the style"
David Durfee, Of Rhode Island, was
recently killed by fail from an apple
tree. He was ninety-seven years DID,
People OF that age ought to stay on the
ground. Adam Was q comparatively
much younger man when he killed him.
seIt and came 50 deucedly near killing
the rest OF us, too, by falling from al
apple-sree.
Dobbs (who is jolly old bachelor)
and bright young lady acquaintance
were bantering each other about mar
riage. "Oh," said she, you'll get mar
ried one of these days, L know; and
you'd have me now if l would wait for
you.," you'd have to wait until my
second childhood, then," said Dobbs.
"Well, l shouldn't have long to wait, -"
was the quick repartee from the Lady.
IL to,un nf MtonirQu q