The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-01-06

Mr.. Moncure D. Conway, Of London, is the
deIverer of some very suggestive and entertain
ing lectures. in which he leaves his hearers to
infer that, since there is no such parsonage as
the Devil, there is no Hell for his place Of resi-
dence. 1t seems, however, to be generally adj
mitted that there is such current expression
as "a hill on ealth' floating around in some of
the circles of our social lin Boz especially at
tain times-for instance as when baby squalls
real mean or husband tumbles in tipsy at night
and knocks the kerosine lamp over things in
general. But that rea! bona tide hell exists
down below in the earth can not be doubted,
for anyone can to-day see 1t, ana saIeiy sep
into its opening. Dante and Milton were but
copysts after all, and, of course, bad, bungling
and Indifferent as all your copyists ever are
and must be- Their hells were ridiculous fail
ures.: myths. existing nowhere but in the idle
Imagination, ami their diabolcal images and
fortunes all sufficiently and excruclatlngly lu-
dicrous; they were practical lobers, IKE Mark
Twain or Artemus Ward. GnstaVe lore mas
Illustrated the nfe,mo, and what between the
poet and designer, you are bound to hold your
sides to keep them from splitting with laughter.
But the only true, real hell is just outside OF
Naples. and 'sfacihs descensus Arern.." IN
commonly SO, indeed, and it may De auded that
the first man who went to hell and came back
to give an account of it lies now Dnriea Witlih
a stones throw of hell's iaws-put lie IS cieariy
out of them, and this man was naHeo "iiell
alive Viroil. He was fearless reporter. An
earthly tomb guards the ashes OF thts previous
discoverer, whose achievement has been anu IS
of inestimable benefit to the human race. AS
for hell. it is very much as is said OF the deVli,
not so black as painted-by mo means pad
looking place-but picturesque ana quiCe Iascl
mating. Its surroundings are SUPERB. LOU
can stand on hell's top step and behold most
pleasing natural panoranas Na n.ey can ae
Sorrento, Vesuvus, the city OF Naples, ischla,
and a perennially sky-blue concave vault over,
head. Over the door OF the prlhcipal
entrance there is none of the Dantlan mons
ense: sLeaye all hope We who enter here "-hoe
a bit of it, s'Hell''-that one simple worn IS
all, and enough, as the establishment mas Ine
merit of being sef-sufhcing. a rev s,ls a'l
threads of misty yapOr issue irom the pack
stairs. it is true, but every house worthy Q!
the name has a chimney by which to throw on
its superabundant smoke and earbonlc acid
gas. Bue smoke and blue devils--all fudge.
The vestibule is formed of huge cavernous
rocks, overhung with grape vines ana Wiiu
flowers and contains cushioned reserved seats
for excursionists at the rent-rate OF twenty
cents per hour From this vestibnle the hole
descends through the ground as straight as
die to the lowest depths. trip to when can
easily be betrayed for mere pittancc the
porters will put you through for an extra ana
additional twenty cents. Mr.. Conway IS right;
there is no devil-at least in hell. Total cost
of seeing hell, forty cents in currency, ana
you come out perfectly charmed, feeling your
self doubly man or woman. 40 10 neil W
all means when you are at Naples. 1t was
about to be said that it don't cost anything,
but memory recalls the fact that everybody has
TO submit to the tariff as above, which, it
must be confessed let's one OF easy.