The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-08-17
Cooley Heated.

Mr.. Cooley suffered good deal last
winter from rheumatism in his breast,
and his wife was badly frightened
about it for fear it should end in con-
sumption. Cooley could not be induced
to try any remedy for the trouble, and
Mrs. Cooley was nearly worried to
death about it. At last she determined
to try strategy. She made up a dry
mustard plaster, and one night while he
was asleep she sewed it upon the inside
of his undershirt, so that it would just
about cover the rheumatic place.
Cooley dressed himself IN the morning,
wholly unsuspicious of the presence of
the plaster, and went down stairs. At
the breakfast table, while he was talk
ing to his wife, he suddenly stopped,
looked cross-eyed, and spasm of pain
passed over his face. Then he took
up the thread of the conversation again
] and went on, He was IN the midst of
an explanation ofthe political situation,
when all at once he ceased again, grew
red in the face and exclaimed:
'I wonder what in the-no, it can't
be any thing wrong" ..l ~ 81.
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the mat
ter, and Cooley said:
go, it's that Internal old rheumatism
again, come back awful. But never
felt it exactly the. same way before.
Kinder stings me-" Mrs. Cooley said
she was sorry. ,1.l s.T II
Then Mr.. Cooley began again, and
was just showing her how the 'rayages
of the grasshoppers in the West last
Summer and the potato bug in the East
would effect the political result next
fall by making the people discontinued
and so likely to strike at the party in
power, when he suddenly dropped the
subject, and, jumping, he said:
"Thunder and lightning, what's that!
Ouch! o, Moses | feels if / had a
shovelfull of hot Goals inside my shirt -
"Must be that rheumatism, getting
worse" said Mrs. Cooley, sympatheti-
cally. .... ........ .... ......
go, gracious, no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like fire
burning into my skin. Ouch! Ow-wOw-
WOW. It's awful. l can't stand it a
minute. l believe its cholera, or some
thing, and I'm going to die"
''Do try to be calm, Mr.. Cooley"
"Calm! How can man be calm with
a volcano boiling over under his shirt.
Get out of the way, quick, while l go
up stairs and undress. Murder-r-r-r,
but it hurts. Let me get out, quick. :"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped off his clothes. His chest
was the color of boiled lobster; but
he couldn't for the life of him tell what
was the matter. Then his eyes rested
upon something white on his shirt. He
picked up the garment and examined
it. Ten minutes later he came down
stairs with dry mustard plaster in his
hand, while thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook
the plaster under her nose, and said in
a suppressed voice:
"Did you put that thing in my
clothes?'
81 did it for the best, John" she said.
81 thought"
40, never mind what you fbOU"ht,
you idiot! Never mind what you thought
You've taken the skin clear off my bOs-
ON, so that Pm as raw as sirloin
steak, and I'll probably never be well
again as long as l live. That lets you
out. You play any more tricks like
that on me, and I'll put you in the coal
bin, and keep you there till you starve
to death. Now mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went
out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know to this
day what effect the grasshOppers are
going to have on the fall electiOns.-
! philadelphia BuLletin.