The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-10-14
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

brood of corruption; and it's no use trying
Do Won hear that9 The FREE TRADER can
walk into Ben Butler and old Cameron with
perfect ooseness without fear OF libel SUITS AT
torney General Edsall has just decided, In Il case
where Storey, OF the Times was summoned 10
Milwaukee to ans ycr in q libel suit, that no edl-
tor can he taken out of his own state to answer
such charge.
How often, when the sable curtains OF night
are drawn around the world, Will VIVA pictures
of boyish days come back to the business man
who has had green peaches anu cream 10, sup
per. and who cannot lind the bottle OF painkll!er
Rome Sentinel
An editor of paper near the Indiana state
line, SAYS the only reason why his house was
not blown away during the terrific cquinoXial
storm two weeks ago was because there was a
heavy mortgage on it.
"Hold the fort for Hayes and Wheeler sing
the other fellows.-ELchdRge.
They mean Fort Sill and all the other post ira
dershlps.-Peorid National Democrat.
The following, which the Cincinnati CONNER
ca! vouches for as an actual occurrence, is decd-
edly nCas:
They were fond Of each other, very, and had
been engaged But they quarrelled; ana were
too proud to make it up lie called few days
ago at her fathers house-to sec The ola gchtle-
man, on business Of course She answered MS
ring at the door bell. Said he, An. Miss -,
believe? Is your father within" NO. sir
she replied, "Pa is not in at present. Did you
wish to see him personally" yes mss, was
his bluff reply, feeling that she was yieiding'
ION very particular personal business And ne
proudly turned to 90 away. VI beg your pardon
She called after him as he struck the lower step,
but who shall | say caeuT He never smiled
again.
A poet recently complained that the noblest Of
animals below man, the horse, was the dumb
est and had only hoof; but Professor Huxley
saws that the horse and its kind once had fingers.
This fact is distinctly remembered by the editor
Of the Chicago Times, who once tried to put an
engagement ring on the hind finger Of mule
that talked back
A man with an alarmingly large nose, from an
adjoining town. was IN the city yesterday, and
when he was laughed at by friend he remark
ed, "Well, il may be a little inclined to corpu-
lency, but then noses are fashionable, and al
ways have been and always will be followed
Silence was next in order.
~ don't vote for Peter Cooper because think
he has the ghost OF chance OF being elected,
but vote for principle and true WORTH said an
earnest Independent. "Then why not vote for
George Washington or Gen. Jackson? was the
reply. He admitted it was hard to tell the DIFF |
ference.
Marriage is promotion" says George Eliot
In that case, how many wives must man have
10 DC a Brigadier General, aud what is Brigham
Youpg's grader
An impecunious Cohoes doctor advises his |
friends to throw their peach pits on the side |
walk, as many cases Of aporleXy have been caus
ed by the exertion of throwing them into the
street Brooklyn Argus.
The New Yook Times says; "The face of the |
republican party is turned toward the future"
That, says the st. Joseph Gazette, is because the
republican party is ashamed to look at its past |
The new railroad in China proves marvel to
the natives 1t is said to be refreshing specta-
Gle to see the ow-catcher pick up a celestial
Walking on the track and FIJI the air with meat
and Pig.tail.
Ben Butler says he intends to bring Massachu.
sets ideas to the front The Massachusetts, |
idea. 1t may be remarked, is that Benjamin kicks
high, for widow.
loving husband named Frcedland, at Egin |
committed suicide the other day because he
could not find, after digent inquiry, hired
girl. II was just as well for it is likely that the
poor man would have been just as sorrowful az |
ter finding the help" If Dixon is a criteri0n.-l
Dixon Telegraph.
There is no halfway business about these
southerners. The average Georgian fills up with
whisky on the peck OF a sitting hen as readily as
il II were the bite Of a rattlesnake.
A cosntry chap went into Warner Bros. yes.
terday and inquired: "Dew you retail shirts in
hercY' NO" replied Warner, we make 'em all
new" and country dropped his carpet sack like
il was full Of lead, and looked at Warner ten
minutes before he picked that carpet sack up
and watzed out with it-Corie-J Journal
Ben Butler was widow bold
And used full well her charms
Deah like the party she
Clasped in her haiot arms;
When 10! uprCsc mighty Hoar
To save its yiric locks,
But, sad mischance, his scalp he lost
And o. saved TarboX.
Chicago Times.
Gen. Sigdl explodes the idea that ingcrson is |
an inhdel in these words TO Bob himself: 81
know you are not an infdel because you believe
in something which no other man in America be. |
lieycs in-the virtue OF the republican party"
Cheerful paragraphs like this have been float.
ing lately before the vision of New Workers
Dynamite closely resembles brown sugar, for
which 1t is doubtless sometimes sold. Jabbng
spoon into it hard will explode it. In the form
Of nitroglyeerne II looks like poor butter. The
only safe way is for boarding house keepers to
buy the best Of everything"
The Globe Democrat "conGdentially declares that
II anybody has got to go to hell we are perfectly
willing that it should be the Rev Florence Nc
earthly" We would advise Mr.. Mccarthy not to
90. Eternal association with the editor of the
Giobe-D Democrat would be a bad thlng-Chi-ayol
Times.
They call IL the "Civil Service Inform" now:
the government employees are informed how
much they must pay for political purposes, and
those who refuse are informed OF their removal.
II works like charm.-Wdt'eka TINES,
Moody aud sankey have found 100 sinners in
Chicago. They were outsiders who were here