The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-11-23
RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR.
Mark Twain Experiences Campaign OF
Defamation"

Defamation"
A few months ago [ was nominated
for Governor of the great State of New
York, to run against Stewart L. Wood
ford and John T. Hoffman, on an indie
pendent ticket. I somewhat felt that l
had one prominent advantage over these
gentlemen, and that was good character.
1t was easy to see by the newspapers
that if they had ever known what it was
to bear a good name, that time had gone
by. 1t was plain that in these latter
years they had become familiar with all
manner OF shameful crimes. But at the
very moment that I was exalting my
advantage and ioying in is in secret,
there was muddy undercurrent OF dis
comfort "riling the deeps OF my hap
p1ness-and that was the having TO hear
my name banded about In familiar con-
nect1on with those of such people.
grew more aud more disturbed. Finally
| wrote my grandmother about it. Her
answer came quick and sharp. She
said: va5
You have never doneon single thing in all
your life to be ashamed of-not one. Look ST
the newspapers-look at them and comprehend
what sort Of characters Woodford and Hoffman
are, and then see if you are willing to lower
yourself to their level and enter a public can
vass with them.
It was my very thought Ibid not
sleep single moment that night. But
after all, I could not recede, was fully
committed and must go on with the
fight. AS I was looking listlessly over the
papers at breakfast, [ came across this
paragraph, and may truly say never
was SO confounded before:
PERJURY. - Perhaps, now that Mr.. Mark
Twain is before the people as candidate for
Governor, he will condescend to explain how
he came to be convicted OF perjury by thirty
four witnesses, in Wakawak, Cochin China, in
1853, the intent of which perjury was to rob
poor native widow and her helpless family of
meager plantain patch, their only stay and
support in their bereavement and their desola-
ton Mr. Twain owes it to himself, as well as
to the great people whose suffrage he asks, to
clear the matter up. VIII he do it
I thought I should burst with amaze
ment Such cruel, heartless charge
I never had seen Cochin China [
never heard of Wakawak [ didn't
know plantain patch from kangaroo
I did not know what to do. / was crazed
and helpless. I let the day slip away
without doing anything at all. The next
morning the same paper had this
nothing more:
SIGNIFICANT Mr.. Twain, it will be observed
is suggestiVely silent about the Cochin China
perjury.
Nem.- During the rest of the cam
paign this paper never referred to me In
any other way than as "the infamous
periurer Twain. !"
Next came the Gazette with this:
WANTED TO KNov.-Will the new candi-
date for Governor dbign to explain to certain
of his fellow-citizens (who are suffering to vote
for him y the little circumstance Of his cabin
mates in Montana losing small valuables from
time TO time until st last, these things having
been invariably found on Mr.. Twain's person
or in his trunk Newspapers he rolled his
traps in) they felt compelled to give him
friendly admonition for his own good, and so
tarred and feathered him and rode him on
rail- and then advised him to leave permanent
vacuum in the place he usually occupied in the
camp. Will he do this?
Could anything be more deliberately
malicious than that ? For [ never was in
Montana in my life.
After this, this journal customarily
spoke of me as "Twain, the Montana
Thief. ~
I got to picking up papers apprehen-
Sively-much as one would lift desired
blanket which he had some idea might
have rattlesnake under it. One day
this met my eye:
HE LIE NAILED.-By the sworn sfidavits
OF Michael OFlanagan, Esq, OF the Five
Points, and Mr.. Kit Burns and John Allen, of
Water street. it is established that Mr.. Mark
Twain's vile sentiment that the lamented
grandfather OF our noble standard bearer, John
T. Hoffman, was hanged for highway robbery
is brutal and gratuitous LIE, without single
shadow of foundation in fact. It is dishearten-
ng to virtuOus men to see such shameful
means resorted to, to achieve political success,
as the attacking of the dead in their graves
and defling their honored names with SANDER.
When we think of the anguish this miserable
falsehood must cause the innocent relatives
and friends of the deceased we are almost
driven to lncite an outraged and insulted pub
lie to summary and unlawful vengeance upon
the traducer. But no-let us leave him to the
agony of lacerated conscience Though it
passion should get the better of the public,
and in it's blind fury they SHOULD do the ira
Queer bodily INJURY, it is but too obvious that
no jury could convict and no court punish the
perpetrators of the deed).
The ingenious closing sentence had
the effect of moving me out of bed with
dispatch that night, and out at the back
door also, while the " outraged and in
suited public . surged in the front way,
breaking furniture and windows in their
righteous indignation as they came, and
taking off such property as they could
carry when they went. And vet I can
lay my hand upon the book and say that
never slandered Gov. Hoffman s grand
father. More !; never even heard of
him or mentioned him up to that day
and date.
/ will state, in passing, that the jour-
nal above quoted from always referred
to me afterwald as sTwain, the Body
Snatcher.
The next newspaper article that at
tracted my attention was the following
A SWEET GAND1DATE.-Mark Twain, who
was to make sucha blighting speech at mass
meeting of the Independents last night, didn't
come to time A telegram from his physician
&Lo&l !, had \