Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-09-28
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

| MEN show their character in moth
ing more clearly than by what they
think laughable.
In her scarcity of horses, England
turns to this country for relief. A
number have been sent over this year
with a prospect of larger shipments
next season.
In forty years the average wheat
product has decreased from twenty to
ten bushels per acre. in the United
| States, while it has increased in nearly
the same proportion in England.
| Why?
AN Alabama Sheriff brought negro
prisoner to the county jail, and after
seeing him safely in his cell started
out to see the town. Some hours aft
erWard the officer was brought back in
a semi-glorious condition and thrust
in the same quarters as his quondam
prisoner. Both occupied the same bed
during the night, and IN the morning
the Sheriff was fined ten dollars for
drunkenness, and then allowed to
bring up his bed-fellow for examina-
ton.
THEY had scarcely got back from
the funeral, and the bereaved husband
had but bitten into a sandwich when
his Oldest boy came up from the cellar
with his face agloW with distress. so,
pa" he breathlessly exclaimed, ''the
bung has come out of the cider barrel,
and it's all over the cellar" "Well,
[ DECLARE, gasped the stricken man in
despairing voice. Zone trouble fol-
lows right on the heels Of another.
First my wife went, an now it s the
cider. [ shan't try to live"
ASPIRING young geniuSeS with cam
paign poetry to offer are respectfully
informed that we've bought a blear-
eyed bulldog with frst-class biting
apparatus attached, and stationed him
at our Office door, The faithful crea-
ture almost every hour Of the day
comes thoughtfully in from his post
and deposits at our feet pieces of trou-
serS, pieces Of cOat-tails, and an Occa-
SlOnal human nose or ear, as silent ev-
licences OF answering fidelity to his
trust. Y. Commercial AdUertise7.
ONE evening last week a group of
five young ladies met young gentle
man out on North Hill. They were
all old acquaintance, and, after few
moments conversation the young man
thoughtlessly invited them to accom-
pany him to an ice cream saloon.
They complied. Night before last that
young man fled from the city, and all
yesterday the house with which he
was connected stood with closed doors,
while corps of experts were inside
examining the books to ascertain the
amount Of his defalcation.-B1Irzi7ag-
tom HaaOk-Eye.
WE are panied to chronicle pain
full, though we trust not serious, acct
dent which happened to Mr. Stanley,
Of thee New York Herald, the other
evening. While going down the back
stairs Of the office to mail his letter
from Victoria Nyanza, he stepped on
sardiLe-boX and an empty pop-bottle,
carelessIy left by Mr.. Bennett at his
lunch, and fell headlong to the bottom
of the stairs. Both shins were fear
fully abraded and his shoulder blades
and elbows dreadfully barked ana
bruised, and the great explorer was SO
incensed that he went back to his desk
and deliberately killed fourteen men
at Kajuri, including the chief Shekka,
with his elephant rife with the ex-
ploding balls. MI Stanley is feeling
better now, and his Commissions and
bruises are doing so well that probably
in his next letter h will send large and
valuable present to the widows of the
men he so rashly slew.-Burzi7lgton
Haa0k-Eye.
AN English medical journal contains
the following disagreeable but inter-
esting information: " A man was last
week admitted into Croydon General
Hospital with one of his eyes so dam
aged by the cork Of ginger-beer bot
tie, which he was opening, that it was
found necessary to remove the eye
ball. We have also heard of many
other injuries produced in this way.
But it is not, as a rule, the operator
of the bottle who is the victim. Peo-
pie have generally sufficient cOnsidera-
ton for themselves to point the dan
gerous weapon in another direction.
Barmaids, especially, are very, careful
not to incur any damage from fugitive
corks, but they are, unfortunately, not
equally careful about other people who
may be in the line OF fire. We think
that much more care ought to be eXer-
cised in dealing with all explosive
agencies, including saltwater bottles.
The careless way in which the corks
are now priced out in many refresh
ment rooms, and allowed to go where
they list, is very censurable."
Mystic Numbers.