The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-10-14
VARIETY.

''At the name of George Washington. fellow
citizens said Centennial orator not hundred
miles from Boston, Sc tyranny trembles like m
Aspinwall leaf.''
Woman has many Advantages over man ; one
of them is that his will has no operation till he
is dead, whereas hers generally takes effect in
her lifetime.
A Tennessee girl, riding On the cars, crossed
the aisle, kicked young man up against the
window and remarked, H | was brung up never
to allow yelier-eyed man to wink at me-"
A few weeks since a Chicago drummer saw a
young lady plowing field in Macoupin, Ill. He
stopped and asked " When do you begin Grad
ling2'' '' Not until the heads are better filed
than yours, 4" was the sententious reply.
While two Ohio tramps were working to pay
for their dinner the other day they were both
struck by lightning and killed. 1t was the first
time the lightning ever got a lick at n tramp at
work, and IL struck as if it knew it was going to
be the last.
- Boy died n. Jamaica Plain from the effects
of eating too much Watermelon said the subur-
ban reporter, as he entered the sanctum hopping
his bedewed forehead. And half dozen editors,
paragraphIsts and seissorists exclaimed simultane-
Ously, " Water-melon-eholy occurrence -
OK BoSSETs-With a white chip bonnet,
paper of pins, and box of miscellaneous feathers,
lace, ribbons, and flowers, any girl of the period,
with small stock Of ingenuity, can convey the
impression to the public at large that she had
half D dozen bonnets this season. very fash
ionnble shape is that made by sitting down or
stamping on an ordinary shape, and then putting
IN some large roses.
Married at midnight in carriage at the min
isters's door. No names. The father struck an
attitude, took out $50 bill from his pocket,
and, tearing it In two, handed half OF it to the
abashed minister, with the words: In few
days l will bring you the other half of this bill
and marriage certificate to sign The scene
now shifts to the postofhce, where q money-order
for $50 is received, inclosed in letter directing
the postmaster to deliver it to the minister under
this condition: s. He must return the half of a
900 bill, which you will please keep till called
for Fine plot for dime novel, and all the
gossips Of Monongahela City I'LL in the in
cidents.
The other morning careless mason dropped
4 half brick from the second story on which he
was at work. Leaning over the wall and glanc- |
ing downward, he discovered respectable citi- !
zen, with his silk hat jammed over his eyes and
ears, rising from q recumbent posture. The |
mason in tones of some apprehension, asked, |
81 Did that brick hit any one down there ?'' The |
citizen, with great difficulty extricated himself |
from the gloye-ftting extinguisher into which
his hat had been transformed, replied with con-
siderable wrath '' Yes, sir, it did, it hit me.'
's That's right" exclaimed the mason, in tones
of undsguised admiration. 50 Noble man l |
would have wasted a thousand bricks rather than
have had you tell lie about it"
Jinkins of Hartford has been to Saratoga and
seen the children at garden-party. One ridicu-
lous sight was that of little three year-od, who
who was dressed in rose colored silk, with
yard of her mama's point lace hounce for an
oyerdress, and who wore tiny white gloves,
pearl fan pendant, pink silk stockings, and with
kid boots of the same color. Well, this baby
started of well pleased to dance with another
baby Of her own age, but, seeing a companion
of the like tender years dancing with boy
~1., L.
with her mouth wide open. and her hands spread
in frantic fashion, screaming vigorously, and
when she reached her anxious mother yelled ont
with the passion of an enraged child, " L want
to dance with boy, WON'T dance with girl"
Poor little thing That is her beginning of woes,
for there are numerous maidens all forlorn who
would cry aloud if they could for masculine
partners.
Truth can wait, but lie IL allwuss in CRATE
hurry.
FIrtew il her own reward and this IL
he very reazon viii so few willing to work
or her-they don't like the kind of wages.
If you are poor, you must expekt to be waeh-
Il and suspekted-
The world haz made no advance in morals for
he last five or ten thousand years, but in the
meantime they hav done sumthing smart in the
way of patient rite rat traps.
It is very difficult to find man that il abuv
liz condishun in life.
The seedyest ov all seeds IL literary seed.
1ung man, uOn( ask emmy laVOuFS OF emmy
Doddy; it il better to hay the world owe yu 10
lollars than to owe them one.-Josh Billings.
Deschamps, the commedian, visited st. Peters
burg once to play an engagement He arrived in
nidwiater.
81 Holy Moses - he CALCULATED, I" but it's
,oldi''
Five minutes later ne was before q magistrate.
50 What have done? OF what crime am ac-
,used?''
% You have been guilty of seditious utteranees,"
Seditious utterances -
Aye Did you not a few moments since ad-
Yanee the proposition that here, in the capital of
lis Imperial Majesty, it was freezing cold?'' \
az did, and il is. l have chilblains, even
Prisoner, do not make matters worse. This
ime will overlook your offence, but do not re-
,eat it. Understand for the future that it is not
oId-that it has no business 10 be cold in Russia
Thereafter, though the Neva was frozen solid,
Oeschamps did not fail to parade the streets in
lankeen pantaloons. When he returned to
france, after narrating this incident, he added
s. played dominoes six years in one cafe at st.
with q set that hadn't any double-six,
nd never dared to ask for the missing domino