Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1876-05-04
Nn,moruns 4epartmeut.

A horny-handed phrenologist in a West
End grocery of Madison, Wis, the other
evening, placed his hand on friends head
and said:
"Bill, do you want to know your capacity
and perceptibleness
ayes, if I've got any," was the reply.
"Well, then," continued the phrenologist,
n place the tip of my thumb above the CEN
tire of the ear, thus. Then [ extend my I'm
gers around the posterior portion, called in
frenolergy the oxyput ; then join the tips of
the fingers of both hands, and endeavor to
bring the thumbs together, but the thumbs
don't meet by-great goodness !"
At this point the phrenologist looked puz-
zled, and gazed up at the ceiling reaectively
and gravely.
"Out with it am prepared to hear the
worst" said Bill.
But the phrenologist said he'd have to tell
him privately, and took him out and up street
till they came near saloon door, when he
paused and whispered in Bills ear:
you've got powerful brain-a powerful
intelleck, and orto, be in Congress stead OF
using banner"
Bill dragged his friend into the saloon,
and called for "the best in the house." They
drank, and Bill asked:
"Why didn't you tell me in the presence
of those men at the grocery
Because" said the phrenologist, 81 knew
they'd call me darned fool"
No GR1T.-It was midnight. The young
man had farewelled himself out, and Emeline
had locked the door and was untying her
shoes, when her mother came down stairs, and
said: ...,...
"Wanted to creep up stairs without my
hearing you, eh? Didn't think 1 knew it
was an hour after midnight did you?"
The girl made no reply, and the mother
continued "Did he propose this timer"
"Why, mother?" exclaimed the daughter.
"You can why mother all you want to-,
but don't know he has been coming here
for the last year? Don't know that you've
burned up at least four tons of coal courting
around hereY'
The girl got her shoes off, and the mother
stood in the stair door and asked: "Eme-
line, have you got any grit :"
II guess So"
81 guess you haven't. Just wish that a
fellow with false teeth and mole on his chin
would come sparkling me. Do you know
what would happen, Emeline ?"
"No."
"Well, I'll tell you. He'd come to time
in sixty days, or he'd get out of this mansion
like goat jumping for sunfower Seeds"
Emeline went to bed to reflect over it.
LOVE BEFORE AND AFTER MARRIAGE
"You love me no longer" said bride of a
few months to her better-half in his gown and
"Why do you say that, Puss," he asked,
quietly removing cigar from his lips.
"You do not caress me and call me pet
names you no longer seek so anxiously for
my company" was the fearful reply.
"My DEAR" continued the aggravating
wretch, "did you ever notice man running
after car ? How he does run !-over stones,
through mud, regardless of everything, till he
reaches the car, and he seizes hold and swings
on. Then he quietly seats himself and reads
his paper"
"And what does that mean?'
can illustration, my dear. The car is as
important to the man after he gets it as when
he is chasing it !; but the manifestation is no
longer called for. I would have shot any
one who put himselfin my way when in pur-
suit of you, as I would now shoot any one
who would come between us; but as proof of
love you insist on my running after the car"
A SMART CH1LD.-"Jack," screamed a
bright eyed, golden haired, fair faced little
girl of not more than six summers, to her
younger brother, who had dumped himself
under the wall where he was digging sand
with strip of shingle, slack, you good-for-
nothing little scamp, you are the torment of
my life? Come right into the house, this
minute, or I'll take the hide of'n you !
Come in say! !" "Why Totty," exclaimed
her father who chanced to come up at that
moment, "what in the world are you saying?
Is that the way you talk to your little broth.
err" "Oh, no, papa" answered the child,
promptly, and with an innocent smile. eve
were playing keeping house, and l am Jacks
mamma, and was talking to him just as NAM
ma talked to me this morning. I never real
ly speak to him as mamma does to me some
times"
He WAS DELAYED.-A Detroit lady pur-