davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

Doctor said sick man, ''what is the
matter with me?" "Cerebro-spinial-men-
ingitis," said the doctor, solemnly. "Oh,"
cried the patient, with sigh and instantly
fell back an expired. He died Of dictio
nary.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

Love never reasons, but profusely gives
like thoughtless prohigate, its all, and
trembles then lest it has done too little.
Don't marry till you can support bus.
band. That's the advice an Eastern
paper gives the girls.
Muriatic acid will remove stains from
black walnut. After using the acid, wash
with clear water. 1855 -
Those who come to you to talk about
Others are the ones who go to others to
talk about you.
Columbus was the first man to establish
an iron foundry in America. He cast an
anchor.
Often a man drives pair of grays, while
he himself is driven by duns.
There's a good wide ditch between saying
and doing.
Why is old age like dogs tail9 Because
it is in.firm.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

Colored hose now so fashionable should
be laid in strong salt water before being
washed the first time. They will never
fade or Hrun y afterwards.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

The name of God is speltwit four letters
in almost every language, thus: In Latin,
Deus; in French, Diou; Greek, Theos, Ger
man, Gott; Hebrew, Alden; Scandinavian,
odin; Swedish, Codd; Tartarian, Idga /;
Spanish, Dias; East Indian, Esgi or Zeni !;
Turkish, Addi; Egyptian, Aumn or zent;
Japanese, zain Peruvian, Liam, Wallaohin,
zenci Etrusian, Chur Irish, Dich; Arabian,
Alta, &c.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

The pleasures Of The world are deceitful;
they promise more than they give. They
trouble US in seeking them, they do not
satisfy US when possessing them, and they
make us despair in loosing them.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

Do not try to pass for more than you
are worth; ifyou do your duty, your good
qualities of head and heart will be dis
covered and appreciated.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

To REMOVE Rust FROM SrEEL.-Rub it in
sweet oil and let it lie twcnty-fou hours:
then rub again well with sweet oil, and rub
it off with dry unslacked lime. Then take
dry cloth and rub with lime a second
time. Another way, liked better by somc
is to rub the steel well with pearl ash, using
a buckshin cloth, and polishing of with
sweet oil and rotten stone.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

The poem "Deirdre," about which so
many trumpets have been blown, is pub,
lished at last. Its authorship has been
studiously concealed, but it is whispered
that the book is written by DR.. Joyce, an
lrishman living in Boston. Itisa romantic
poem Of love and war, and Deirdrc is tho
beautiful heroine.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

That was good though rather severe
pun which was made by a student in one
of our theological seminaries land he was
not one Of the brightest of the class, ether
when he asked, "Why is Professor--the
greatest revivalist of the age?" and on all
giving 1t up, said" "Because at the close Of
the sermon there is a great awakcning."'
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08
Impurities in Water.

AT the recent meeting of the British As
sociation the anatomical and physiological
section was occupied with most interest
ing discussion upon what we ought to drink
and what to eat. Professor Wanklvn, the
well-known analy teal chemist, opened the
controversy by reading paper on the eff.
fectS Of the mineral substance in drinking
water on the health of the community.
He commenced with some statistics which
ought to strike horror into the heart even
of Good Templar. The professor tells us
that an adult male daily imbibes from half
gallon to a gallon of fluid in some shane
or other, and, however small may be the
percentage of salts contained even in the
purest well water, it yet stands to reason
that six gallons of well water contain an
appreciable amount of solid matter. Pro
fessor Wanklyn, indeed, shows that there
is even more mineral matter in ordinary
drinking water than in household bread.
II, In other words, loaf of bread is burned
to ashes a very small residue of mineral
matter is left, while if, on the other hand,
a gallon of drinking water is evaporated its
mineral contents will be found much
larger than might have been supposed.
There are, we learn, two kinds of drinking
water-the hard and the soft-and a man
who is accustomed to the one cannot with
out risk suddenly adapt himself to the
other. Nor is this all; for even those who
object to water for drinking purposes can
not help taking it in various shapes. Beer,
for instance is made with water, and so is
tea, and water is daily consumed by manv
people in combination with alcoholic
liquors. There is an old story of an Irish
squire who said that upon a principle he
never touched drop of water, but he liked
his cup of tea in the morning and his
tumbler of grog at night. Now, according
to Prof. Wanklyn, it makes all the differ
ence in the world to man what are the
precise mineral constituents that enter into
the water with which his tea is made and
his grog is mixed. Lime, for instance, is
an essential element of the human BODY.
1t enters into the bones and into the ena.
mel of the teeth, and without a steady sup.
ply OF it in some shape or another, and in
districts where only soft water can be pro-
cured, the children are apt to suffer from
what is commonly called rickets--a pain
ful .and distressing malady, believed by
medical men to be due to a deficiency of
lime in the organism. Upon the diseases
which are the result of drinking impure
water we need hardly dwell.
1t is now generally recognized that
typhoid fever and cholera are almost en-.
tirely due to contaminated water supply.
The result has been that of late years eau
tious people have taken to boiling their
water in the hope of thereby destroying
all organic mater in it, and afterwards filter
ing throug charcoal filter, Such a pro-
cess, of course, thoroughly eliminates every
possible source of contagion. On the other
hand the water thus treated becomes soft,
and is altogether deficient in lime and those
mineral salts a certain supply of which is
| absolutely necessary for health.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

This is the delicious season when the
golden sunshine sleeps in the meshos of
the autumn haze; when the merry youth
and maiden HE them away to the gorgeous
ly appareled woods and eat enough chest
nut worms in one morning to keep flock
of yellowhammers for a week.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08
Definition of Bohemianism.

Inc term "Bohemlan" is one frequently
applied to certain writers for the press. It
by no means applies to all the fraternity,
but to that class of trust-to-luck scribblers
who are compound of the Harold Skim.
pole and Micawbar orders of men. A Bo-
hemian is not merely one who writes for a
living. He is one who holds no salaried
position. He is also one who, not having
achieved reputation, yet writes we'll enough
to get paid certain sum, generally the
lowest price, for his contributions to papers
or magazines. He is thus poor. If he is
possessed of ordinary diligence, he can
make enough in this way to make both
ends meet, by strict economy. Generally,
however, he is Mother diligent nor econom
ical. As soon as he succeeds in "making a
raise" of few dollars, he starts out to have
good time, spending his money freely
down to the last cent. When that is gone
and it is soon in a state of goneness-he
subsists to his crust and his garret with a
wonderful degree of equanimity.
Some of them are college graduates, and
from that fact are inclined to try their hand
at literature. Others are waiting for an
opening on some newspaper, while still
others are imbued with desire to attain
literary celebrity.
The Bohemian, in one sense, leads a free
and-easy life. He is bound by no master to
regulate his hours of labor He can get up
and down when he chooses. When an arti.
Gle is finished, he takes it to a magazine or
newspaper office, and, if it is accepted. he
is paid without any further ado. If not ac.
cepted, he throws it aside and writes anoth.
er. There are no grumblings or criticisms
for his ears. Once in a while a genius
makes fame and is rewarded. But such
cases are exceptions, and there always will
be Bohemians. Most Of them hire lodgings
and board around--in other words, take
meals wherever and whenever they choose.
A garret apartment lodges him in indie
pendent poverty. A singular life, and yet
rather fascinating to a multitude of men.
FROM CoDoRAno,-Saturday afternoon,
while considerable anxiety was felt by poll
ticlans to hear later returns from Colorado
young man, having an open newspaper
in his hand, boarded Cass avenue car.
Anything fresh from ColoradoY' in
quired fat man from the front end of the
car.
Yes, sir. A mule fell over a precipice
and killed himself" replied the smart
young man,
"pid, ehS Well, that's awful. Hadn't
! better go on ahead and break the sad
news to your familygp bluntly asked the
fat man.---Detroit Free Press.
=. s.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

A physician in the Island OF Jersey helps
Darwlnism by announcing the discovery
OF rudimentary tail on child. The tail
was only about quarter of an inch long,
to be sure, but it grew where tails belong to
tailed animals, and was altogether cncour-
aging to believers in monkey ancestry.
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

Little Johnny had peculiar views as to
original sin. One day he was about to be
punished for some misdcmanor, when he
pleaded; at wasn't me, mamma dcar-it
was the bad man." "WeII, Johnny, I'm
going to whip the bad man out Of YOU"
"Ah, yes, but thotll hurt me a precious
lot more than it will the bad man."
Smyrna times., 1876-11-08

-19' ~ Wv VI -'DI11ND MAl INUI--
DIED AT WINDSOR 18TH NOVEMBER lSIj.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

WHEN DRUNK.--If drunken men
could only realize what bores they
become when thoroughly sodden with
liquor, and how their best friends
avoid them and are ashamed to be
seen with them, and try their best to
get away from them, we are sure it
would have some effect in checking
their use of the poisonous article.
Pride is the strongest principle of
the human breast, and it surely ought
to be aroused when the drunkard
feels that he has become not only o
curse to his family, but q burthen and
bore to the public generally.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
EARN AND aousEHolD.
The Art Of Folding Linen.

Though washing machines, wiring
ers aud various new kinds of soap have
greatly lessened the labor Of washing,
yet nothing has come into general use
which does away with the old-fashion-
cd latorious system OF ironing. There
may he mansles and things OF that
sort, which lessen the labor, but they
IRE not common. To DO able 20 iron
nicely is o great accomplishment, and
every youLg lady should know some
thing about it. The wheel Of tortnre
is SO constantly turning that even the
highest canaot tell how soon she may
be glad of little household skill in
the matter. However neatly q gar
ment may be ironed, the effect is lost
il not neatly folded. Teach the little
girl this in their first attempts at iron
ing, and they will remember it all
their lives. Let the hens of handker-
chiefs, pillow cases, and the like, be
brought together with mathematical
nicely and then the folds carefully
pressed down.
The old town OF Arjou was once re-
markable for its folding of linen.
1t seems little thing to distinguish q
place, but one who witnessed dis
play Of tho grand old cabinets OF its
spacious mansions, would be likely
to remember it ever afterward.
1t was the pride of q house-keeper in
such an establishment to throw open
her great presses and reveal the Gu
rious contents. Here would be an
immense sheet of heavy linen, shaped
like q drinking trough. Around it
would be four and twenty sheep, fash
toned from other linen articles, all
with bowed heads rs if drinking. At
the head stood tall shepherd folded
from some other garments. Wind
mills, abbeys, towers and castles are
very common, not to speak of the
lesser articles, as napkins, and the like,
which are folded into beautiful shapes
Of lilies, roses, and other flowers
Country Gentleman.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

81 The ticawang tlee, from
Borneo, is shown in the Netherlands
section of the Centennial. The sub
stance known as vegetable tallow is
obtained from the fruit of this tree.
The tallow, carefully prepared, is
used by the natives for cooking pur-
poses. A common article, prepared
with less care, is used for lamp oil,
for lubricating machinery, and other
purposes where fats are required.
The roots of the tree are successfully
applied, in healing wounds, and the
wood is very good timber.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
|orHER$ !

<:astoria is tie result of 20 ysars expert
ments by Dr. Samuel Pitcher of Massa-
chusetts. 1t isa vegetable preparation as
effective as Castor Oil, but perfectly pleas
youngest infant, and neither q: Is or grips.
DR.: A. J, Green, OF RoystOn, * Ind, says
of it:
SIRs:-I have tried the Cssstora and
can speak highly of its merita' 1t will,
think do away. entirely with Castor Oil; it
is pleasant and harmless, and. is wonder
fully etlicacio,ss as an aperiene and laxa-
tive. 1t is the re'y thing. :
The Castoria destroys wOrm1, regulates
the Stomach, cures Wind Coils, and per-
mits of natural healthy sleel4 1t is very
etticacious in Group, and tyr Teething
Children. Honey is not pleas; inter- to the
taste, and Castor Oil is not so britain in its
effects. 1t COSTS but IS cents, IN large bot
ties.
J. b. ROSE .S:Co., 46 DENEw ioRk.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
ELiya for something.

81 Live for something. Do good,
and leave behind you a monument of
virtue that the storm of time can nev-
or destroy. Write your name in
kindness, love, and mercy, on the
hearts of thousands you come in con-
tact with year by year; you will never
be forgotten. No, your name, your
deeds will be as legibls on the hearts
you leave behind rs the stars of heav-
ep.-Chalmers.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
Gatherings by the Wayside.

The Duke of Westminster is the
richeat man in England.
The female wall-howers of the
lobby are gathering at Washington.
Philadelphia was the only one Of
the large Atlantic cities that voted for
Hayes.
General Mcclellan is said to be
writing o history of the war for bis
personal vindication.
The women of Boston own So, OOO,-
600 worth of property, and weep be-
cause they can't vote.
An Iowa physician testified in
Court the other day that no man who
nsod tobacco could tell the truth.
The entire coffee crop of the world
last year was 900, O00, 900 pounds, of
which the United States imported q
fill third part.
We only paid q million and a half
for the ire-crackers we have burnt in
tan wears. bat the fires they caused
cost ten times - much.
A man who was being examined for
. schooltsacher in Maine, after stumb-
ling through some simple arithmetical
uroblem. was asked where Boston is.
He answered: 81 know all about it,
probably Just as we'll as you do; have
heard OF the place several times, but
oant. somehow or other, seem to To-
49, f." With view to helping him
ont. the committeeman said: 1T is
80 capital Of some State, is it not r
"Yss. I believe it IT," "What
sAete =" "Wsll, I know probably as
vslI - you do what State Boston is
ne capital Of but you see I haven't
not the low Of language to express it. !"
Thsv have . novel way in Silver
City. Nevada, Of evading the law on
slsstion bets, which, for originality,
3 n marked % the danger that If it
should ever become popular in the
STATE. Attorney General Hamilton
would have to import o brace Of Phil.
sdelphia lawyers to help him out OF
the snares. In Silver City, young
isdv bet a Young man Q kiss that
T;iasn would b slscted-he to pay II
Tilden won, she to pay If Hayes was
eiectsd. On the morning OF the 9th
10 called and paid the bet; on the
~ - called and :: took 1t back, and
10 raid. and 30 they have been kept
ever since, and both declare their
v;ii;noncss and ability to hold out
till Congress decides the question.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

TR1cHn1A.-An expert says that
fully one-tenth of;all the hogs killed
are infested with trichinia, and that
many people are suffering from that
disease without surmising the cause.
He furthermore adds that there is no
safety in relying on any amount of
heat to kill the pest in process OF
cooking.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

APPLE DUMPING small,
deep tins, holding nearly half pint,
into which put a spoonful of thick
batter. made with one part oatmeal
porridge, one part water, one part
boiled rice and one and halt parts
Graham -four. Into this set pared
and cored rich tart apple (greening or
Spitzenberg if available) stuffed with
bianched raisins. Cover with another
spoonful of batter; set in q steamer or
in q kettle Just above the surface Of
boiling water, and cook thirty-fve or
forty minutes. Serve warm, with
ounce or grape pudding sauce.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

American Z Foreign Patent

GILMORE & Co, Successors to CHIP
UMAN HOSMER & CO., Solicitors.
Patents procured in all countries. NO
FEES IN ADVANCE. No charge unless
the patient is granted, No fees for making
fees for Obtaining and Conducting a re.
hearing. BY q recent decisio of the Com.
missioner ALL rejected applications
may be revived. SPECIAL attention given
to Interference Cases before the Patent
Office, Extensions ,, before CONGRESS. In.
all litigation appertaining to Invention
Patents. send stamp - Gilmore 4 Co.
for pamphlet Of sixty pages.
Land Cases, Land Warrant sand Script.
Contested Land Cases prosecuted be-
Department of the Interior. Private Land
Claims and HOMESTEAD Cases attended
to. LandScrip in 40, 90, and 160 acre pieces
for sale. This Scrip Is assignoble, and can
be located in the name of the purchaser
waite entry, $l.25 per acre: 1t Ii Of equa!
value with Bounty Land Warrants. send
stamp to Gilmore d Co. Ior pamphlet Of
Instruction.
Arrears u Pay and Bounty.
OFFICERS, SOLDIERS, and SAIL
ORS of the late was, OF THEN heirs, are in
many cases entitled to money from the
Government of which theyhave no know.
ledge. Write full history. OF service, and
state amount Ofpay and bounty received.
Enclose stampto ex-GILMORE& CO., and
a full reply, after animation, will he given
you free.
Pensions.
All OFFICERS. SOLDIERS, and SAIL
ORS wounded, ruptured, or injured in
the late war, however slightly, can obtain
a pension by addressing GILMORE q CO.
Cases prosecuted by GILMORE 4 co.
before tile Supreme Court OF the United
States, the Court Of Claims, and the South
ern Claims Commission.
Each department Of our business Is con-
Quoted mi separate bureau, under charge
Of same experienced parties employed BY
the old firm. Prompt attention toall bust
moss entrusted to GILMORE 4 co. is
thus secured. We desire % via success
BY deserving it.
February 18th, 1876. II: tt
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

~wristlet parties arc . new kind
al evening amusement in Buffalo:
The ladies Furnish the wristlets, oil
numbersd. Then they each put on
one Of . pair, and the mates are sold.
hit q miss, 10 the gentlemen, and each
mn H. 70 devote himself for the eve
nine 10 the lazy whose wristlst is num-
hersd The same - the one he has
drawn.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
LUMBERMEI AND SPECTATORS,

A NEW STEAM SAw-MIGL, in Port
n land for ssie at an extremely low price,
or will rent it.. 1t pays from 81 900 to 81 500
per month, when run, and cuts $1,000 feet
of lumber eacb day. Applyao
ESTES Il CARTER,
Portlald Oregon.
Sept. 10, 1876, 3m.42
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23

"A woman may be of the tai
ented few-may be accomplished
nay, even beautiful; hut without af-
lection, strong and lasting, she is like
the iceberg that glitters in the moon>
beam; none may dream Of holding
communion with it's frozen sterility.
Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-12-23
CEnrAoR |
Llnln4|rs.


The Quickest, Surest and Cheapest he
NEEDLES.
Physicians recommend and carriers de-
clare that no such remedies ha9t ever be-
tore been in Use. " urdS are cheap, but the
proprieturs of these arliclesWAI present
trIaI bottles to medical men, sSatls, anu
Will guarantee more rapid and satisfactory
RESULTS than lave ever beior! been on
TITLED.
t1sc ie.:t:Hc S4-i-ia.ieM:, e AK s.rafGs.E,
,,.ii cue Merchandising, Ntura. Lid, LuiIi-
-, sc..tic.., N.iACu breasts, ~. Nipples,
Frosted Feet, C!iIiiBIali!S, sSNciHiiSS,
S.ns,Iiis. ana ANY ordinary
FDtslI bn3L Oh 2iUsCIE AILIi:ar.
/. u.ii c:..Is4ct the poisoii o. bites aiu
>lII,.,, ana Heal Duriio OF ac;iida witnu..,
Il sea-. Luch.Jtw fdISy, Ncan i,tcN, C"-e
ijreas.s, Eir.;Cic, IuotiiaclIe, Itch anu Gu
taiivUiis Erui,tiDIis readily yield to Its trrat-
iiyIi..
Iienry Dlach, OF Ada, Hardin Co., ono.
says: My vile has had fheuili;illslll Tor
nNe years-iio i'est-no sleep-ct,ulu scarce
~ walk across the floor. She u now conf
pIeteiy cured ny the use OF Centaur Llul-
ntent. Ware all feel thankful To you, and
recommend yeur wonderful medicine to
all our IrIenus.
James Iiurd, of GAINESVILLE. o., says:
The Centaur ointment cured my Neural
GA"
Alfred Tush OF Newark, writes: Send
me one dozen bottles by express. Tne
Liniment has saved my leg. lwant to dis
| tribute &c
The sale of this Liniment is increasing
rapidly.
5 for the ougil skin, flesh and muscles OF
HORSES, MULES, ANIMALS.
We have never yet seen Il Cas-. ofSpaVin,
S"eeny, Kine~Duie, Nlnd-gaif, Scratches
| or PolI-EVIl, winch this LlnidaenL wOuiu
| not speedily benefit, and we alcver saw
but u lew cases which 1t would not cure.
IL will curewiicn anything can. 1t Is Jolly
| tOspend SZ0, tOr Il tarrler, when one dollars
worth OF Ccntaur LlnlIient Will do better.
The iollowlng;s Il sample OF the testimony
doduced
JEFFERSON, Mo-, Nov. 10, 1873.
"Soine time ago was shipping hO:ses
| to ST. Louis. / got one badly crippled III
| the car. Wigh; great difficulty, got him
| to the stable, Til Fourth AveniH. The sta
| ble-keeper gave INC a bottle OF your Cen
taur l4lIilIileilt, which used wfsm such sue
cess that III tw9 days the hors.>was as ac-
| tive and nearly We'll. l nave D.en Il veter-
| mary surgeon tor thirty years, but your
LlnlInent neasss anything 1 ever used. a.
}. NJ CARLY,
Veterinary Surgeon
For postage stamp wewAl Allall Cen
taur Almanac, containing hundreds OF GER
tlncates trOin every state III he Union.
THESE LlnlintntS are now ss,ld by all
dealers III the country.
Laboratory OF }. Il. ROSE i Co.
Al i.ni ST., NEW IORS.
The daily intelligencer. [volume] (Seattle, Wash. Territory [i.e. Wash.]) 1876-1881, 1876-09-20

The steamship Chins. from New
York. arrived out in the harbor this
morning.
The smouu. of balloon withdrawn
from the Bank Of England. on balance,
To day. is Fifty million pounds
MADRID. Sept. ls-The case Of san
"a Cruz, who ngnrei 50 conspicuou>ly
during the Csrlist revolt. has been .en-
fenced - ten years imprisonment in
Contsn.scisn. on charge Of mur,ier
snd arfo1.
PARIS. Sept le-Tiie Porte /, di,-
posed 70 reduce the Mar Indemnity
The occupation of two Seryian fort
resses. and the recognition Of the Por;e's
sovereignty by Prince Milan. without
a formal reinyesturc a. COnstantinople.
and the dismissal of the presen, Ser
Wan cabinet. 4 private telegram from
Vienna states that the ambassadors at
Con stan'inople have opened.
LONDON, Sept IA dispatch from
Berlin says it is expected that Russia
will submit TO the peace proposals 10
guaranteeing powers.