, 1876-02-27
Always open to conviction-A thief.

Always open to convction-A thief.
Something that always eoots-A chimney.
sweep. ~x----'"
Young Napoleon has a nustache. It will be
good while before he will be able to show u
imperial. a.,se.>.
A little boy, few days since, while coming
down stairs, Was cautioned by his mother not tc
lose his balauoe. His question which followed
WAS a Puzzlo: ''A1other, ii I WAS to lose my
balance, where would it go TOT"
I A Nevads sheep man, who had tried and suc-
ceedcd with sheep, said: "Sheep are better than
government bond you can tear off u coupon
every six months half as big al the bond, and
the bond is loft as big as it was."
In the days OF onr fathers, wheu q man sud
denly dropped out OF the community, they used
to drag the neighborins ponds and examine ali
available hanging-plac in the vicinity. Nova
days the frst steps are to examine his bank
account.
A Texas farmer named Wade says he caught q
rabbit on Ills place the other day having on it's
head seven horns. But before ne believe this
story, VIC want to know how many horus -
Wado had in his Own head whom ho looked at
the animal.
Here is so1lloquy OF Partisan inebriate, ad-
dressed to hia hat, which had fallen Off It Has
overheard one night on tho bouleyards: "1f I
pick you up, l fall it fall you will not pick
mo np-then lea7e you IN and he staggered
proudly away.
After two Arkansas farmers had squaudered
s1,200 on tho lawyers i'll trying to find out who
owned an old cart they commenced shooting,
and five cents worth of ammunition brouglt q
satisfactory decision. "1t's your cart" we're
the last words Of the plaintiff.
'.Tbese are pretty hard times. can tell you,
sir" explained tramp drawing the back OF his
hand ACROSS his eyes while he SHUT the other
upon o donation Of 10 cents. " Lots Of families
who'd mover thought year sgo that they could
mix up biscuit without cream now use water"
Delicacy.-Edwin Gas tho servants presenD:
"Ah--j'ettay see-ah-disappointay de ne pas
VOC vwore d, ia Rink CO 31attaug-poor quaw
csker-?" Angelina: "Ah woe, nais Nom
mong-" Parior-NIaid: :" Hem! Beg your
pardon. Miss but T understand the Lang-
yidge !!"-Punch.
An ex-member of Congress- from the West
came to this city last year with his family to
Avenue Hotel. Ho was suddenly taken i'll. and
died without having seen physician. His fami-
ly implored him to take medical advice, but he
facetsousiy replied: No; let me alone. I wish
to die natural DEATH
A divorced woman Of Danbury, recently mar
ried again, and shortly after lost her second hus
band hy m accident. A neighbor, on hearing
bI6 EAJEhlAfs uGhD 0UoCA sEA II o hN4ui awful
indeed but then. y he added, with an encourage
ing nod, - 1t il not so bad IS it might be. She
has another husband. It taln't as bad as il she
had lost the only one she had" The friends
took comfort.
Blarnoy-Tail Yankse Gust arriyed)-" Gt1ess
your legal tsre il just sixpenco--" Dublin
Csrmnn-"Srre me Lord. We take some Chape
Jacks st that-hut wouldn't disgrace 3 gintie-
man av your Iortlships quality be dririn' him
q. name pace trough the public sthroeta, 30 I
TUX upon myself to give your Lordahip ahil-
Inns Worth both ay a.oSle m wlipcard."-
Punch.
As a reporter passed North Hill achool-
house yesterday (says the Burlington Harkeye)
studions-looklng lel emerged from one Of tho
doors with worried erptbssion Of conntenanco,
and amb'ed around to tie rear Of the building,
closely followed by eompanion who popped
from behind e fence. The two suught retired
nook where the studous lad backed up against
the wall, aud, reaching his hand behind him into
thst department OF boris clothing that is
patched next after his knees, be drew forth