Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-04-17

4 uah Always Ieels put out when he
is taken in.
"Sir, you have broken your promise
"Oh T! never mind. can make another
just as good"
The fashion Of loading overskirts with
shot to keep them down must have orig
mated with some bullet-headed man.
To dance well, a man should know as
little as possible Of everything else. He
can balance partners better if his hair
Is parted in the middle.
''Going for the bottom facts. is what
the conscientious Brooklyn mother calls
1t now when she slippers her eldest for
fixing q clothes-pin on pussy's tail.
A Savannah boy, while witnessing
game Of base ball, was hit on the back
Of the head with such force that the
bawl came out Of his mouth.
What is the difference between a per-
son going upstairs and another looking
upstairs? The one stares up steps. while
the other steps up stairs.
G,OOO years ago-Adam rose to the
dignity Of large real estate owner, but
by poor management was driven into
involuntary bankruptcy.
An old Dutchman froze his nose
While thawing the frost out, be said /:
Il haf carry dat nose fordy year, unit be
never freeze hisself before ] no under
stan dis ting"
"My son, said an old man, beware
Of prejudices. They are like rats. and
mems minds are like traps; prejudices
get in easily. but it is doubtful if they
ever get out"
They have a disagreeable way in Can
on City. Colorado. when a man takes !
broken chair to the cabinet-shop, Of say.
ing: Hit you with . chair. did she p
This Is very trying to the average eiti
zen.
A very tall man was In the streets O
Boston, when an old lady, who admired
his gigantic stature. thus addressed him
Mister. we're you large when you wer'
small - Yes, marin. | was considera
ble big when | was little"
Maria. observed Mr.. Halcomb. a
he was putting on his clothes, ''ther
amt 10 patch on them breecbes yet.
Il can't fix it no way; I'm too busy.
well, give me the patch then, an II
carry it around with me. l don't wan
people TO think can't afford the cloth.
When a woman perforates her bar
foot with a crooked pin scattered on th
carpet. 1t should be regarded as a jus
retribution but We cannot conscientOu:
ly recommend any man to tell her 5
about the time she Is pulling 1t out
BiHghanlf0z Republican
A prominent clergymay Of BrOOkly
last week. while taking one of couri
Of boxing lessons fer exercise, receive
what the boys call "a jolly black eye.
On Sunday be chose his text from Tin
othy. 9th chapter, 9TH verse: Il ha1
fought a good fight, ] have finished II
course"
A plain spoken preacher delivered Il
following from his desk: Il would a
nouDce to the congregation that. prob
bly by mistake. there was left at Il
: meeting-house this morning q small CO
7 ton umbrella, much damaged by TN
and wear. and Of exceeding pale blr
IS color. in place whereof was taken a We
large black silk umbrella Of great bea
u u. Blun6ers Of this sort, my brethre
are getting a little too common.
.papa. did you sec those nice lit
guns down 10 the store ." asked lit
- six-vear-old boy. "Yes. Harry. | s
a them. But ] have SO many children
i feed and clothe that / cannot afford
buy you one, replied the father serio'
". Little Harry glanced at the ba
in the cradle with no loving expressi
on his face. Finally be said; I'VE
- papa. I'll tell YOU what YOU can (
= You can swap little Tommy for Gun
A gentleman one evening was seal
near lovely woman, when the eOmpa
around him we're proposing cOnundru
70 each other. Turning 10 ms comps
!. ION. he said. why is lady unlike
mirror ?" She gave II up" '.Becaus
said the rude fellow. "a mirror re6e
without speaking. but a lady sPel
without rejecting" And why are ,
unlike q mirror" asked the lady.
could not tell Because a mirrOi
smooth and polished. and you are TOT
and unpolIshed-