The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1876-08-09

TO her husband, "lf' that's so, where
do you get money TO play pedro, and
come home to the bosom Of your fami-
ly stone. blind drunk2 Don't deny It
Swipes, for you know somebody black
ened your eyeglasses the other day,
and you was so drunk you thought it
was midnight, and came home with a
lantern in your hand in tho middle Of
the day"
G. G. Earnest, Of Stockton Califor-
MIA, after several experiments, has sue
ceeded in raising roses as black rs ink.
His plan was to engraft asslip of
dark red rose into an oak tree, where
they grew, ffourished and blossor1ed,
the dark sap of the oak efFectually
coloring the roses black. He did not
succeed, however, in transferring the
slips so treated to the ground, for they
invariably died in the attempt.
A little girl in Reading recently
saw an old drunken man lying on
doorstep, the perspiration pouring off
his face, and a crowd Of children pre-
pairing to make fun. She took her
little apron and wiped his face, and
then looked up so pitifnlly to the rest
and made this remark: 80, say, don't
hurt him. He's somebody's grandpa"
To give brilliancy to the eyes, shut
them early at night, and open them
early in the morning; let the mind be
constantly intent on the acquisition Of
human knowledge, or the exercise of
benevolent feelings. This will scarce
ly ever fail to impart to the eyes an
intelligent and amiable. expression.
"Ma, did you asy that pa was never
engaged to Miss Sallie Snifkins I'
Indignant mother in reply-"He, my
dear! he never even looked at her"
Innocent but, persistent child-"Ma,
If pa had married Miss Sallie sniff.
kins, would l have been red-headed p
An Illinoisan bought chicken for
dinner last Sunday, and in its cIaw
bis wife found gold half dollar. a
small, round piece of gold one fourth
of an inch long, and a brass button.
The hen is supposed to be first cousin
to the goose that laid the golden egg.
This is the way a citizen of Denver
advertises for a lost calf: "Rund
away Red and vite caf His tu be
hint Log vas plack, he vas a she calf
Enipotti vat prings him pack pairs 5
tollars. Jacob zuddering, Clear
Creek, three miles pehind the pridge.'
In suburban school teacher gave
out the word ''psalter" to a class in
spelling. 1t was "poser" to all till
it reached the foot Of the class, when
a curly-headed little fellow spell: il
correctly, and on being asked to
define it, shouted out, "MOre saltl"
A brave young man in q neighbor,
ing town got patriotically intoxicated
the other night, and while in that con
dition resolved to avenge Custer'i
death-and next morning not one
sound wooden Indian could be foun(
in the place.-E<.
At the show the other evening 1
gentleman sareastically asked a mar
standing up in front of him if he wa
aware that he was opaque. The othe
denied the allegation; he said he wa
not opaque-his name was O'Brien.
An Illinois Judge has decided tha
washing bill cannot be collected
and any experienced washer woman
will tell him that he is right six time
out of ten, which is probably bette
than the average of his decisions.
An inebriate recently fell and strucl
his nose against BARRIERS pole. o.
being raised from the ground, he ask
ed: "What's Eat woman wi striped
stockings on got agin mei"
A young lady, following a Shake
sperian play with the book, remarke
to her companion: "How imperfec
those actors arel Mona of them sa
'exit' when they go off,"
A person who was sent to prison 70
marrying two wives, excused himsel
by saying that when he had one sh
fought him, but when he got two the,
fought each other.
"You are a nuisance. III commi
you," said an offended Judge to a nois
person in court. "You have no righ
to commit a nuisance said the offer
der.
The useless waste Of money o.
weddings and funerals calls fo
reform. Extravaganza makes youn,
men dread marriage and death.
Painting the LiIly.-Generous shoe
black (to eolored gentleman) "Bette
ave 'em done, sir; I'll tou:h up ye