The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1876-12-13
FRESH FLASHES OF FUN.

Genius is the capacity for maxi ng an
ass OF yourself at the unexpectedly righ-
time.
British butchers are as mad as hor-
nets over the arrival of American beef,
but still their customers continue to re.
mark: "HPn take hauother steak hof
that Hamerican nox.'
1t is thought now that Capt. Mares
could easily have reached the pole with
a balloon. But we think he could much
more easily have reached balloon
with poie--if the balloon was not too
high.
The Car of Russia makes nearly
$55, 900 a day out Of his position, ana
when he knocks off iu'the middle OF the
day to go OUT and play base ball or
see horse race, he isn't docked u
cent.
"Ohl | shall only charge you noml-
nal lee," remarked young lawyer To u
friend who had called tor professional
advice. "Well," replied the other, 'ior
a man Of your profession that's phe-
nomenal, certainly"
In an art gallery: First Connoisseur,
with enthusiasm, as he passes before a
group in marble-No mistaklng that!
rnaIs true Canoya! Second Connois.
seur, after tapping it with his knuckles
ma listening to see if it is hollow-Yes,
real CanOva. Best quality. SOnd all
lhe way through. No Yeneering.
Two rural constituents were talking
Of the new member Of the Legislature
from their district. One OF them asked:
rs he talented%
"Well," said the other, 81 should say
he might SET house a tire by rubbing lis
nose against the door pUst."
A chef de cldQae is discussing with his
lieutenant Inc qualities OF their subor-.
diuate,, ana says:
"Adolph is the best of all-he claps
lloudest.'
"Nonsensel Narcisse is just as LOUD,
and there is more repose, artistic eie-
gance and conscious power in his ap-
| plause."
| A renowned clergyman lately preached
rather a long sermon from tue text,
''Tnou art weighed IN the balance and
found wanting" After the congrt l.
| ton had listened about an hour, some
| began TO get weary and passed out;
| Otuers soon followed. greatly 10 the an-
noyaNce of the minister. Another per-
SON started, wAereupon the pareon
! stopped in his sermon and said, "That's
| right, gtntleme /; as last as you are
weig pass ouJ."
At the assizes in Burgundy provin-
cial advocate is pleauIng The case OF a
prisoner cnalg9d with tnett, and thus
concludes his impassioned address to
| the jury:
"My client, the prisoner, is accused Of
| theft. Suppose he has stolen. R9mem-
| Der, gentleman of the jury, the words OF
| our saviour to the Magdalen, and let
| that one OF you who is wltaout sin cast
| the first stOne."
| The jury fnI a verdict of guilty with
| out leaving the box.
An eminent tinancier has just conclu-
| ded negotiations with II railroad com.
pany whose bonds he is to float, and the
| prospectus is being drawn up. They
come to the sentence,'' '''The first returns
may be expected b. Investors by the 1st
"Hold on!' he cries; "thats too
soon"
| well, say the 1st of july"
| mo. Put down may De expected i'm.
mediately.' The 1sto of July is date;
Immediately is any time"
| Az d SleS6 yOuHS OuCeE goes 10 Lle
commander-in-chie and says:
General, these Siege operations are
abominably slow; we can take the town
by assault this way with the loss of ii "
men at most" .. .....
The General listens to the plan and
lrepLe,: -
| 'PiI think it over, and if 1 make uI
my mind TO sacrifice men to save time
you Can rely upon it tuat rll give yol
"a chance TO put your project into execa-
tions."
| A client who ha6.a case Of some ina
portance coming up in court the otne
day was disgusted to find that his law
yer would not plead it in person, bu
uad delegated its management to. one o
his junior partners. Tne advocate hat
other fish to fry, but did not iail to ad
Y vance an excuse of exquisite Ingenuity
as follows: What would the juIg sa,
4 they saw a man OF my professional
| standing come into court to plead SO tri
fling IA case. Why, they would concIud,
/ tpaU when you employed sucn eminen
/ counsel your case must be desperatel,
bad. and 80 there would be prejudice
tacreated against you AT once"