The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-11-04
VARIETY.


brigham Young has reduced the number of
his wives to eighteen, and feels almost as lone
some q widower.
Some twenty years ago the Boston Post, IN
aIluding to Charles Francis Adams, who was be-
fore the peopIc for an Office, said The mantle
of his fathers greatness fell on him and smoth-
cred him."
.sTbe Single SculI Race! - exclaimed an old
lady. as she laid down the morning paper /" My
gracious didn't know there was race OF men
with double skulls
Nothing pleases fly so much as to be mis-,
taken for a huckleberry, and if he can be Daked
in n cake and pass himself of upon the unwary
as currant, he dies without regret.
..Iet us continue our worship by listening to
n niece of sweet music performed by the operate
Quartet who have been secured regardIess Oh eG-
pense," said the pastor OF fashlonapie church
at camp-meeting.
NJ u Conway furnishes this prescription to
prevent seasickness free OF charge Let tne
yovager choose a good day, eat q good, late
breakfast and take some pellets OF homeopathic
.coculus indicus' and seasickness is very impro'-
bable."
An imaginative correspondent of the Graphic
saws stPresident Grant is like matron whose
vears are rounded her children grown, her vanity
ot rest. her beauty beyond unholy passion. and
her repose unbroken by suitors, enemies, rivals
or discord."
A nortbern Iowa farmer offered tramp his
daughter and half his farm Tor three Gays WoLh @
in the harvest field. The tramp wayered nttie
at first but then the color of the girls eyes ddn
snit. and he thought the farm laid little too
low SO he declined the proposition, stole name
strap, and went on his workless way.
nerson who was looking at q house the
other day said he couldn't afford to pay SO much
rent aWell look at the neighborhood, repliea
tbe woman stYou can borrow hat-irons next door,
tha
ON the corner, and there's q big pile oil Wood pc
longing to the schoolhouse right across the al
ley"
4 colored man hobblng along with the aid OF
"A crutch halted q policeman IN western to%h; Tow
and said, hasn't bin in this town long, an
wants some advice +" All right was the re-
nIv: Now. if is walking along de street an see
4 fire. what mus l do about it? asked the new,
" arrived citizen "Why, you must shout 'Fire
as loud you can to attract attention. sonnd Tho
ALARM 81 see'' "The steamers Will speedily
respond and the fire will be put out. "DaI
seems sensible an all right" unused tue man; !,
l,but dere's one moro quesshun." "Go aneau.
1,, 'it.s hse;n 70 come in % The officer made
further explanation, and the old man shook ms
head and responded, "Couldnt do it-couldn
tbipk of It, While was gwine trew all doze
motions [ could make two shillngs saving Woou'
Izs born into dis world on cash basis
NO LAGER IN 1OWN.-a lauSDaDAe IHSIdChS ~
tIId of a German and his wife who visited ocean
oroye the other day. Going into the ice cream
Garden the man asked for beer for two
Zwei glass peer"
ssEh ?' said the clerk.
E'Zwei glass peer" with more emphasls'J
ssWhat is il you want Z!
Peer peer peer Zwei glass.
The clerk failed to comprehend, and began 10
experiment by placing two plates of ice cream
before the pair.
ugh take away dot shtooi We want p'''
lager a.,
:. YawEyaw dot is RIGHT Zwei glass"
We havn' any-don't keep It, ;,
You no keep him Veil, we're can VIC hnu'
soon-eh. mein frent?' :,
IS Nowhere You can't get any in the place
Cant get any peer-no lager Meln Got II I
Himmel! Dot vas awful places Vat dlme ieal;
de nexdt drain, eh? COON on haterillI, "no ~,
without waiting for an answer they started iol
the depot.
ADVICE TO GIRLs.-An exchange says; "hJ
r-iII Girls run away, and get married? We give
it M. but we know lot here that would De giae
enough to stay at home, or jump at the chanc .
To walk off and get married. The boys am
around asking them as they olu; .iAes IoS - r,,r
money to run one nowadays than 1t does 10 rul
steamboat and they can see more lun with
steamboat All girls, it's your own iauit
STan off YOUR silks and satins for lawns and cal
icoes; shut up the piano and dlYe INTO tue was S
tnh throw away your fancy needle work an
tacIIe a red hot stove in the kitchen. Instead
raceivino Brown, the bankers son, IN the ParloI
ZEN your eve skinned for Bill Burns, the black
snitbs KgiR $50 SON. as he goes homo from work kiss h
5IV dirtT face through broken pane Of glass in tn
Kitchen window, and after while, when n
Iaorns his trade and you know your business, g
roorried. 90 to housekeeping by yourselves, hei
each other, live happy, raise a iamny Una. WI WI
he an honor to your names anu creulI " ~ I
seIges. die happy, and the angels VIII not tuf
their backs upon you up there.-Lo"'srh
Courier Journal.