National Republican., 1876-12-11
ggatisua. RspablRaa
CURIOSITY SHOP.
"A head wind-A sneeze.

4
Italians are the best orgaaizerS
"A .rural farm -asstst--The plough boy.
The weather is rather cold for men on
/ the fence.
-Petrolei1 manufacturers live on the
| fat of the land.
The tsx wshch presses most heavily
on school boys-SyRt.L
"A troublesnme lodger-The bullet that
| lod ged in a mans brskh
! The man who could not express his
| feelings sent them by uf7tE
Adam was naturally hungry man,
but he said Eve tempted I'm 10 eat,
--Dundreary said "They set hup q
'orrid howl, you know, and cefscd It heagie."
In tbesechilly times the milk Of human
kindness Is Just little skimn1sf over with ice.
The man who was thrown over fence
by an argIJ bull said his life depended on q toss
up.
The object of the dental association is
to make all members pull togethst and charge
alike.
Every Arctic expedition yer organized
has been intimidated. The orth psSsShouId be-
thrown out.
The veterans of 1912 are dropping off
fast, and they VIII never get on agahf IN this
"A converted jockey has been speaking
Of the receipts at church festival door s5gsts-
money.
Irish wakes are going out of fashion.
They will soor be numbered among the things OF
the dead past.
There are 1917, 500 dogs in Iowa; also.
2s,osl sheep less than there would have been BAT
for the dogs aforesaid.
. Still in force (with poultry carvers)
The second joint rule-As to the twenty second
that's another matter.
"A man is !, $50 times as large as a
common honey bee, and yet It is useless to try and
argue the matter with the bee.
Edward Fox. of Titusville, Pa, has
recovered 90, ,ecs from the Baltimore and Ohio
railroad by q twenty-three years suit.
-"Spectacles, says an exchange,
|; "were invented BY an italian In l24s." Now.
let's have the date Of the FIRST glass eye.
"A Paris paper says "Miss N has
Just taken the veil but she was arrested for Il.
She had taken it from the Rue Tivienne"
. There is talk of moving the Holy See
from Rome to Jerusalem. The change will make
Rome howl, but it will rebuild Jerusalem.
We'll, now, you are a deuced thin
fellow, said one friend to another. "Yes,"Ihavs
-Balnsbee's Boston Concert compauy
Is doing we'll in the West. How doeth the little
busy Bsrns-bee improve each shIning hour.
-Shoe-dealer "I find we have no No.
II shoes; but here is a pair of large mines" Gus
toner: "NinesE Do you Ia lie me for CinderiIIerf''
"A INO" COEE6SpO0uGQL, SlPQlQQ
himself "Deuceace," is accused of betraying
certain secrets: but how can the Deuce-ace be
trayT
Two sea-otters have been placed in the
New York aquarium. n1arNeater, shark and
South.
1t is estimated by the Commissioners
Of Charities of Brooklyn that $1,000 persons
will have to be fed by charity during the coming
-"Oh, Mary. the wells got broke. and
we can't get no water; and oh, hsin't it primer
Feyther says as p'rsps we shSnr ave to wash for
--Hoboken. too. proposes to reduce
teachers salaries This Is diseouragfng for the
schoom-marms,, especially as lesPyeSr is 80
nearly over.
Tucker Blake says if you wish to re-
collect mans name go security for his house.
nothing like this plan.
"A search for the cause of the stoppage
of a North Haven, Conn, drain, recently dis
covered 261 striped snakes which had chosen it
for winter quarters.
ID protest against this cold weather"
said man whose principal labor was to stand on
street corners. The wind whistled through his
clothes and filed the protest.
Met a man Thursday afternoon who
said: sBinahayin' 'hieT Than nkssiyin'dfnnerIo
beerxhOop." Now what's the use Of abusing the
English language In that wayf
. "A republic of monkeys has been dis
covered In Senegambia, who have got along so tar
fire. Four-armed Is forewarmed.
Judge undecided)-"Humph the
court must be clear on this point, brother
Jenkins" Anxious Usher-'Clear the courtr'
Us reprimanded for excess Of Eesl.)
The exact scientists may be very smart
fellows, but their efforts have all been vanity so
long as the average mind fails to comprehend
why dog wags his foot when you scratch his
back.
"A blubbering little fellow explained
his tears to companion. spa sent me AFTER cod
fish for breakfast, an went hshin' and was gone
all day; and now we have been haVin' some bull
dozin'."
Young Mr.. Bilkins, being accused by
his present sweetheart, confessed that he had
been Tilted maybe some i've or six times; possibly
Less; probably more; but he didn't like to be eK-
sacked about 1t.
Sitting Bull has no undershirt, but he
sits in his tent with an Ulster overcoat on, ab-
serbs whisky, ehews navy, and with burnt stick
and sheepskin draws out diagram for the
spring campaign.
"A Port Jervis paper says that i'm
probably been attracted thither by the Demo-
cratic orators statement that the South is q
'owling wilderness.
There are some delicate impulses that
good woman cannot resist; she cannot help put
ting three pins and 3 spare shoelaee into the hrst
shaving mug she sees. Women are better than
men in this respect.
An Illinois girl couldn't secure a GER
tiieate as schoolteacher because she couldn't
tell the committee why the hind wheels Of a
wagon were the largest. All the answer she had
was, "'Cause they are"
"A shrewd contemporary notices the
almost total desuetude of jewsharps. The Amer
lean people are quick to learn, and they gave up
the iewsharp as soon As they discovered greater
wealth Of madness in the accordion.
M. Gessi, an officer under Colonel
Cor don, Governor of Equatorial Egypt. made an
fmnOrtant dfsfOyery in relation a
by which unobstructed water communication may
be established between Lake Albert Nyanza aud
Khartoum.
Those who "grope, :" sometimes erope
willfully. A man who ieeIs around Tust before
daybreak for the kindlng wood and finally crams
his wifes hoopskirt into the stove VIII not, when
she comes to dress herself be able to protect his
skull by any argument Of mistaken IDENTIFY"
1t promis es to be severe winter, but
1t is comforting to know that the church festivals
have begun, and that every one is likely to have
cushion, or some other necessary article to avert
the distress which extreme cold must otherwise
bring.
--One of the customers in q barber's
sReR qTs h aRfSs sUsi sng
look at me so?" ''Why, sir, occasionally my hand
slips, and am so unfortunate as to snip of bit
eats it.n
i'm an art gallery: First connoisseur,
with enthusiasm, as he pauses before a group in
marhle-No mlstaking that. That's true Canovai
Second connoisseur, after tapping it with his
knVekles and listening to see fit is hollow-Yes,
real Canova. Best quality. Solid all the way
through. No veneering.
They have been having q plague of
flies In Calcutta. The troublesome insects not
only infested the houses, rendering comfort i'm
possible, but were intolerable in the streets.
People were obliged TO use handkerchiefs aud
fans to keep them out Of their faces, and TO drive
in an open carriage was Like meeting hail
storm.
"A bride on railroad car snatched
something rolled up in brown paper from her
husband and threw it out of the window, remark
ing that he had promised to quit chewing tobacco
the day they were married. As quietly as he
could under the circumstances, the young man
informed her that she had thrown away all tho
money he had in the world.
"A citizen stops before q blind man
who carries on his breast a little picture repre-
senting fire, and on which is written, "Blinded
by an accident" "Tell me, my good fellow, in
what country the accident represented in this
picture happened" The blind man replied, with
the greatest imaginable coolness, "Ah! ] viii
not tell you, my good sir. 1t comes to me frtm
my brother"
Can't believe 1t says the New York
Herald: The silver springs Just discovered in