The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-09-29
MISCELLANEOUS
A post-mistress in Pennsylvania employs
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a bachelor editor, who had pfetty vi
married sister, lately wrote to one similar
ly eircunlstanced, "Please exchange"
A wit once asked a peasant what part
he performed in the great drama Of life
II mind my own business was fhe reply
Why is the opening of the Fall cam
paign like fashionable woman +? Because
tn ere's a great hustle about it.
S'Maria, have you given the goldfish any
fresh water?" mo, sir; what's the use !?
They haven't drunk mp what's in there
yet"
Never keep anything from your better.
half-Brooklg1l Argus Quip says he nev-
er has, and that is the reason he is 50
poor.
While witnessing game Of baseball
out West, boy was struck on the back of
his head. the b0.el coming out Of his
mouth.
It is now the right season Of the year to
hear form the idiot who reads himself to
sleep nights, with a lamp close to his mos
quito net.
A learned doctor has given his opinion
that tight lacing is public benefit, mas
much as it kills all the foolish girls and
leaves the wise ones TO grow into women.
"Do try aud talk little common sense I!
exclaimed sarcastic rauHg lady to Wis
itor cor was the reply, but wouldn't
that be taking undue advantage Of you =
A little boy has been fairly driven from
school by the disgraceful persecution Of
the other scholars who tainted him with
the fact that his father had been a New
York juryman.
The Spaniards are said to have prov
erb which reads: "At eighteen marry
your daughter to her superior; at twenty
to her equal, but at thirty to any body who
viii have her.
| A Nashville girl tried to hang herself
because her nose was turning red. "Tastes
! is various said Sam Weller Some men
spend large sums of money, time and
whiskey in bringing their noses to bright
red"
The Seryians have been driven oat of
Gurgusoyatz; Harvatovich has fallen back
on Alexinatz; Sevenyearsofitch has defeat
ed Crack yeriawigatz, and Pulldownyer=
| vastoyiteb has inflicted a crushing blow on
Wipofyerchinoski.
! Agonizing-aWhat kind Of picture
9ould you prefer, Miss ~ inquired a New.
ark photographer of a young lady custom
er. "Well, was the reply, "take me with
an expression as if I were writing a poem
on the Centennial T,
A fashion exchange says that "the
jabon IS now generally used by married
ladies. s.''-Erchange. This would seem to
indicate that harmless but incorrect
method Of spelling jawbone is now Preya-
lent in polite society.
An Ohio youth who desired to wed the
object Of his affections, had an interview
with her paternal ancestor, in which he
stated that although he had no wealth to
speak of, yet he was "choek full of days
work. He got the girl.
Fred" said young man, walking up
street the other day, after listening to his
wonderful story, DO you know why you
are like harp struck By lightning % no.
said Fred, II give it up" Because
harp struck by lightning IS t7eeotsa
| gre.n
A chap was arrested in Philanephia
the other day for stealing clock. The
Judge told him that as he had taken an
other mans time to begin with, he could
now take his own time to reflect upon It,
and sent hin up for three months forth
with.
A Des Moines druggist sent his clerk
out to drum for sales Of oil. He called up
on tradesman, and tossed card upon
the counter saying that he represented that
establishment. The tradesman picked it
up, gave it a steady look, and said it was
fine establishment, and was informed by
the clerk that he had represented it about
three years, whereupon he remarked to the
youth that he supposed he would soon be
a partner. The youth said he would be
pleased to sell him some. coal ell, and that
his establishment handled more coal oil
than any other in Des Moines. The trades
man took another look at the card, and
asked the boy # he wasn't mistaken. He
blushingly guessed he was, as he returned
the girls picture to his pocket.
It is in the middle ranks Of life, where
ne behold woman IN all her glory-not
a doll to carry silks and jewels; not a pup
pet to be fattered BY vain alteration; rev
erenced to-day, discarded to morrow; ad
mired, but not esteemed !; ruling by pas
sion, not affection; imparting her weak
ness, not her eonstancy, to the sex she
would exalt; the source and mirror ofyan
ity-we see her as wife, partaking tht
cares and cheering the anxiety Of 2 hus
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