, 1876-06-11

there won't be a lodge left in that vast wilde
ness-
| An execrable German singer On the Mort
Side WIS pelted with some ancient eggs. til
other evening, By some boys who did not at
n1ire his "Wacht am Rhcin." The Vaterlande
said he "don't pretty much Ike dose yokes."
Another arrival from the Celestial Kingdor
has hung out his shingle on State street, Hi Ya
by maine. We now have Hop Sing, Hoo Hang
Yuh Il, All Hen, HI Yah, aud hundred othe
China-ware names, and the Queue-comera ar
still coming.
PUN-GLRANN0s.
4 beneficial strike; Striking Job.
The difference between baby and an over
coat Is: One you WIS, and the other you wear.
The two places to look for Philadelphia nick
pockets: Tho Centennial aud the Pcnny-ten
tia1y.
They say Dom Pedro snores; and wh,
shouldn't he? In his country Ill the women ar
| s'noras.
Many man who has not cent in his poke
OWNS corn which he would not allow you t
step On for the world.
Young swell: II should like to have N,
mustache dyeu-n Polite barber: "Certainly
! Did you bring It with youl'
| He who Leaves but one cat to grow where twx
I cats grew before, Is public benefactor, and de
| serves the blessings Of the community.
When two gentlemen at party Inadvertently
change hats, the man who gets the worst tile /:
always the first to discover the mistake.
What is the difference between one who walks
and one Who looks I'D q pair Of stairs One
steps up stairs, and the other staEes up steps.
How to raise, cats: First catch your cots
aud then put them into barrel and explode q
can Of nitroglyccrine under them IT never
falls to raise them.
Tmes are SO hard In his city at present that
boarding house keepers find it impossible to al-
low more than one hair to plate Of butter
Nt'o York Dispatch.
Montreal burglars have added chemistry to
their curriculum. They apply test toI silver
ware, and leave plated articles with hote to
"sh1ey thes yere at CATS"
The Glaziers' Union Of Montreal announce q
grand ball "All sash ezl"-tpew York ddve.-
iseT. Putty good. Wonder if they had any
glass puddin'.-Boston Ggobe,
"Why do you ask me to lend 5ou ten francs,
when yesterday you only demanded five from
Lcgrand1" "Oh!" replied the borrower, 81
know him longer than do your
A man who fell down into the smoke-stack Of
Mississippi steamboat, the other day, was
asked how IT. felt when be got to the bottom.
"0h, very tunnel-ly indeed be replied.
"sah, did you take me for sardinea" said a
sable orator At an exciting political meeting.
"No1" was the reply, " 1's always. 'gardcd you
Z an' : fesa'"a'sf "'nn0*' DAT wasn't vpf pick
lie would be temperance man In minute 1T
wasn't for his wife He knows she'd be lone
some II she hadn't something to jaw about and
find fault with.
II could knl you for two ceuts,' shouted an
enzaEed man to an offending ueighbor. It was
an ugly threat, but 1t sounded good. It shows
that we are getting down to ante-bel1um prices.
-Danbrsry Neps.
4 gushing writer in New England paper,
evidently female, in describing . rainy day,
speaks Of "the caves shedding tears Of crystal.,'
She might also With propriety have alluded to
the fact OF the cht1nneys-wceping.
In Philadelphia they have handkerchiefs with
the Declaration Of Independence printed on
them IN French, German, and English, SO that
the Quaker City.-Brook{ln Eagle.
A pair Of pantaloons containing Sl41 we're
blown away By the Fremont Qa~) hurricane, We
suspect the wearer clupg to sapling; hut his
suspender buttons couldn't have been sewed on
very Observation-Disclosures Herald.
Mr. Muscleiohn, hearing that neighbor was
reporting that be VAS man Of violent temper,
e1litedly said: "Ho ought to know better than
to spread such slander, for knocked him
down only yesterday for merely limiting it in
my presence"
One Ohio editor says Of contemporary who
had assumed the part Of mummy III dra-
matte performances: "He WIS Obliged to nut a /
little animation into himself to come up with
the character, md to wear more recent linen;
but that was about all. Nature had admirably
qualified him to act the pazt-h
Tt+1o duvouro71 -nrr..L,A -
mamma, On going to bed, am, not afraid Of |
the dark" :" No, Of course you nre not" re- |
piled her mamma, "for' it can't hurt you" |
= But, mamma, was 4 little afraid once when |
.oeS 1S " RRaP ~ey 1ou a thf % aek o t. gst gte
her mamma "IWas afraid couldn't find the
cookies"
I'm habbtn heap o. trouble wild sleep1ess-
aess desc nights" remarked an old da1key the
9ther day. 8 Ho ho, reekons knows all bout
lat," said another African near by. "Yo'
5no~S hs va non-aats aan What yo' knowsD replied
:huckled the other; ~ knows we'll 'nuf dat
o. can't sleep q nights, an sides, knows dat
e. neighbo's can't nuther, ef dey's got any
htckcnsln
A new coupon cutter, which cuts both sides
Il coupon at once, has been Invented. It will
lways been our custom to devote Saturday
lights to cutting of our coupons, but we have
e9nd 3 that using an oldinafy pair Of scissors,
niess We began Very early Ii the evening, The
FORK was apt to enctoach upon the Sabbath
he mere saving OF labor makes this instrument
I untold value.-Nor1rich Bulletin.
The sad tale OF man who tried to push
1ule into h1s stable IL told by the Burlington
farkcgs: He could have showed the obstinate
east g rigat e np the steps easily enough If he had
ood push at him before the mule put out one
@ his behind 3 d. walking things and began feeling
ut in an ivory jaw that will do just IS well US
pc old bone one, II the doctor can plaster up
PC hole in the top OF the mans head where the |
IL jar went through.
These alphabet puns and quirks are very nu-
!erous, and few OF tho old ones are very good.
ere is one: Majesty stripped OF Its exteruals
a::jest.'' This Is more thaa u Joke; its a
philosophical truth. Why Is the letter like .
wing nachins. Becausc 1t makes needles
ingenious than true, by the wav.
ores anosheE that we recall: Why is tile d.
nee Of the letter tn like the presence Of
and-ors.an' Because-.of course--lt makes
sic Of musfci There is another: '.Y Is the t
.rfh hrfE .J,.P !