National Republican., 1876-01-03
ALL SORTS.

A professor who has lately been lecturing In
newport, New Jersey, ADVISED young ladies never
] 70 marry men whose heads were fat, whose neeks
iS gSIs W Sesk and whose ears were low down on the
siue OF their faces. Men with low down morals
! are also to be avoided by the girls.
scholastic professor, in explaining to class
OF young ladies' the theory according to which the
Dody Is entirely renewed every seven years said:
81 TINS, nus Miss b in seven years you will no longer
responded the girl, modestly casting down her
eyes.
Boas around ladies' necks are in fashion again.
And illiterate young men will do we'll to remem-
ber that bOas and beaux are not synonymeus by
any manner Of means. But Just as like n5 not
some persons who should know better Will proba-
ply make mistake in this matter. And we can't
blame EN- either.
Aha! Let us get out Of here! 1t is again stated
that the accumulation Of ice at the pole will tip
this earth over in a few thousand wears and send
the waters across the land in one tremendous, in
stantaneOus douse. Let us move. One touch OF
nature will make the whole world "skin," and
we don't want to see 1t.
II beg pardon, sir; I'm attached to you ?" She
eAclaimed pettishly, in the street car struggling
at the same time to free her elanking chain,
which had got hooked upon his button. He
lifted his hat and bowed and stammered: "Ths
attachment Is mutual, madam, assure you.'
The chain was loosed and the lady got of, blush
ing and the young man sat down cOmplacently.
times.
A Virginia woman recently died from fright at
seeing her husbands coat tails set on fire by hot
stove, This should prove o warning to Virginia
husbands not to wear coat tails; but 1t is not
noticed that instead Of curtailing their coats snce
the accident, they wear them still longer and go
backing up to q hot stove oftener than before. It
looks as If some men would Just as lief scare their
wives to death as not.
They tell of an ancient lady up in Johnstown
who was disappointed in love several years ago,
and then pledged herself to never cut her toe-na5
gain. Her toe-nails are now so long that she can
not wear shoes, and she is sorry she made the vow.
We suspect it has never occurred to her to bite
them of; or she might place them on railroad
track and have them crushed of without breaking
her VOW. She can't expect to get q husband as
long as she wears such toe-nails.
The London Standard, in an article designed to
show the general unfitness of English women for
selfsupport in any walk Of life beyond actual
hand labor, says: "a clergyman has told in our
columns how he advertised for a goyerness, (who
must pretend, as a rule, to much higher acquire
ments than those of a NationaLschool teacher,l
and received applications in q food which per-
fectly overwhelmed him and how, when he ad-
yertised for certified school -mistress-a persoR
education. but whose competence must be proved,
and not asserted-he had not q single reply"
The Leayenworth Appeal tells the following
story: A melaneholy-looking man was in town
last week, selling a book entitled THE Sinful
ness of Divorce" and some young scamp5 sent
him to the house of lady in the fourth ward,
VINO has been divorced from two husbands on the
ground Of her violent and ungoyernable temper.
While the sad-lOoking agent went to the house by
one street, the wags went by another to see him
and then came out in hurry, pursued by q stick
OF stove wood, fire shovel, q Bible, hymn book
and spittOon. Then those wicked wags adjourned
to SWitzer's and took hot Scotch.