West-Jersey pioneer., 1876-11-16
NO 1893
SPLINTERS.

Romantic death-A young lady drowned
in tears
Without the dear ladies we should be a
stag nation.
Motto for yeast factory-ssEarly to
bread and early to rise."
10 manage men one ought to have a
sharp mind in a velvet sheath.
When is an habitual topper like good kin
ding wood? When he's dry.
Why is the letter "s'' like lambo Be-
cause it's the beginning of s'sheep."
The individual who was injured by the
discharge of his duty is still very low.
A very greedy boy-one who recently
took the measels from his little sister.
A careful deacon with cold in his head
Will say, 'Let us unite in prayer" instead
OF saying; 'tLet us bray''
"Why should we celebrate Washington's
birthday more than mine?' asked a teach
er "Because he never told lie,' shouted
little boy.
The saying, "The race is not always to
the swift" has been translated by the Chi
nese to read, ''Big long-legged man don't
always sometime get ahead of little boy.''
The spring style of hand organ has only
one stop. 1t begins in the morning and
stops at night.
A man has eye-dentifed himself with a
lamp-post by running against one and iniu-
ring his sight.
When physician deserts his profession
for the pulpit, the inference is that he can
preach better than he can practice.
A Spanish poet, speaking of the black ewes
of his mistress, said they were sin mourn.
ing for the murders they had ommitted..'
''How one thing brings up another" said
lady, absorbed in pleasing retrospection.
eyes," replied the practical Dobbs, can
emetic for instance
Tom Thumbs going to Texas to live, and
the Chicago Times says that some day we
shall hear of Tom being waylaid and abb
Quoted by Texas grasshopper.
''Patrick, how is your mother9 ''my Jew
ell, Pm much obliged to ye, but I never had
a mother" ''How is that?'' ''Why, don't
you know Pm the son of my aunt.''
Mark Twain, lecturing on the Sandwich
Islands, offered to show how the Cannibals
eat their food, if any lady would lend him
a baby. The lecture was not illustrated.
A clergyman said the other day that mod
ern young ladies are not the daughters of
Shem aud Ham, but daughters of Hem and
Sham, compounds of plain sewing and make
believe.
''Thomas, of what fruit is cider made s''
''Don't know, Sir" "Why, what stupid
boy! What did you get when you robbed
Farmer Jones's orchard?" "got a thrash
ing, Sir"
Here is the model verdict of coroner's
jury. "We do believe, after due inquiries,
and according to our best knowledge, that
we do not know how, when and where said
infant came to its death.''
Bad luck is man with his hands in his
breeches pockets and pipe in his mouth,
looking on to see how it will come out.
Good luck is man of pluck to meet diff
culties, his sleeves rolled up, and working
to make it come out right.
The celebrated artist who painted the
rooster that crowed so naturally that the sun
rose three hours before it's time, has finished
picture of the moon that is painted with
such wonderful fidelity to nature that it
cannot be seen in the daytime.
An Irishman attending Quaker meeting
heard young man make the following an
nouncement: Brethren and sisters, am
going to marry daughter of the Lord. p
''The devil ye arer' said Pat. can it'll
be long time afore yen see yer father-in
law"
A woman came slowly along the Main
Building. She in great perplexity, but
being wise woman, she stopped to ask for
information, and this is what she asked:
''Can you tell me, sir, is this the other end
of the building?" 81 think it is" ''Well,
SIR" she cried, ''can you tell me where
shall go next?"
A scientific gentleman was recently des-
canting upon the physical improvement of
the human race. "Do you suppose" said
a friend, ''that you are finer-looking spec
linen than Adam WASP" Certainly "Well
the Bible tells us that Adam was made in
Gods own image, and l should like to
know what better image you are made in
yourself.
A maiden lady, not remarkable for either
beauty, youth, or good temper, came for
advice to Mr.. Arnold, as how to get rid of
troublesome suitor. ''Oh! marry him
marry himp' he advised. ''Nay, would
see him hanged first" ''No madam, mar
ry him, as l said to you, and I'll assure you
that it will be but a short time before he
hangs himself"
There has been separation between an
up town lover and his sweetheart. She
presented him with her photograph, which
he, on his bended knees, swore he would
always wear next to his heart. Last Sum
day evening, he pulled out his handker-
chief from his back pants pocket, when,
10! the photograph fell at his lady's feet
She says he is either liar or else his heart
is not in the right place.-Es.
Experiments have been conducted in
Paris with reference to a method of autumn
planting of potatoes, by which they are dug
in January. The sets are planted in August
on thin layer of salt, which appears to be
the special secret in the process, and the
potatoes are earthed in September, the
ground being cleared of weeds in October.
The results is crop Of seven or eight full
sized tubers to each root in January
Marshal MacMahon is noted for his epi-
pramatic savinos He has a oraat r>ace;o,,