The Dallas daily herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1887, 1876-03-08
A HEAVY WASH-BILL.
Seven Dollars for RenOVatlng Two
Trayel.Stalned shirts.
Hat Then Look ne the Labor and
Laiher Expended Upon the
soiied Linen and Then 10
the seven Dollars.

, 'Vso +" HcNHphptT nlHll ~ maze the hrs
recipient Of the tale of woe walled on
10y the sufferer. Let the affair be neyeI
so trilling, the patient reporter mus
sit for an hour or 50 listening to todl
, GUS details, which are afterwards 10 bt
condensed In half.a-dozen lines; lf the
matter be serious, the inflictlon is the
same, with the additional penalty OF
having to hunt up the facts afterwards.
a policeman on duty In quarrel.
some neighborhood Is the only human
being who can at all appreciate the
situation, and he not fully, be
cause when tired Of listening to long
winded complaints, he can obtain
revenge by locking the relator up for
disturbing an officer In the dis.
charge of his duty" Possibly it Is
honest; nevertheless, to be tackled
ten times or so day--say, sixty times
n week-and be compelled to listen
to all the petty winnings of as many
sufferers, will, after II while, wear out Il
dray mule. A case in point:
Yesterday morning an elderly gen.
tleman, lately arrived in Texas, con
cluded to indulge in the luxury of u
shave and such other renovation as n
first'class barber could give him. He
sought II "tonsonal parlor'-taking
with him his grown son, who also
needed the artistic touches of the man
OF lather-and the two were worked
upon until their friends in Michigan
would have mistaken them for men,
bers of Congress or shareholders in the
Comstock lode. They had to be intro
duced to one another, so complete was
the metnmOrphosis; look iu the glass;
and each had to be introduced to him
self. They smirked at one another
after becoming acquainted, aud with
gratitude beaming from his eyes-tears
of joy fairly believing the glasses of
his iron-rimmed spectacles, the oldest
Shirt asked; "What's opay?n yanking
out healthy.looking wallet as he pro-
pounded the query. "Seven dollars"
said the knight Of the razor. "Seven
h-ls!n fairly yelled father and son in
chorus; "seven dollars for two
shaves!" and they put their No.
elevens down in better time than the
Mulligan Guards can "order
arms"--"seven dollars won't pay
tn "Ah! indeed" said the barber;
mo, burned if Wen pay any body
seven doulars for two shaves,u aud
were about to stalk Indignantly from
the shop, when they were informed
that 1t was either pay or go before the
Mayor with an officer and explain why
they refused to shell forth. They paid,
and, vowing they'd shave the law on
that barber, anyhow" straightway
went before Judge Burford and made
affidavit, to-wit:
State of Texas-Dallas County:
Before the undersigned authority
personally appeared William Shirts,
who being by me duly sworn, says: L
went yesterday evening into the barber
shop of j. Il. Wilson, on Elm street, to
be shaved and have my sons hair
trimmed. | wanted to know his price
before the work was done, but could
not get it. When the work was done |
he charged me seven dollars, which |
was forced to pay, am stranger in
Texas, having just come here, and
am tilty-seven years old.
WILLIAM SHIRTS.
Sworn to and subscribed before me
this March 7, 1876.
NAT. NJ. BURFORD, J.P
So far everything looks as though |
the Messrs. Shirts--both of them could I,
have been washed at the Chinese
laundry for thirty cents-had been put
through a tub of very hot suds and
ironed with club. But to look lit
tie further into the matter-to see just
how many buttons were knocked off
these Shirts-will materially change
the figures, as footers-up of election
statistics say. Mr.. Wilson keeps o
barber-shop frequented by gentlemen,
and his charges are higher than
those of some others in his
line of business, but those who
do not wish to pay his prices
should bestow patronage elsewhere.
The afllant and son did go into his
shop, and were shaved, and did pay
seven dollars therefor. But the senior
Shirts forgot to mention In his affidavit
that he had his hair cut and sham
pooed, his whiskers and mustaches
shampUoed and dyed, his eyebrows
trimmed and dyed, and was the recip-
lent of all those delicate attentions
which only that genuine artist, George
Wetzer, knows how to bestow. And 1t |
also slipped his memory that the other
Shirts was also shaved, shampooed,
trimmed, dyed and tiltivated to within
an inch ofhislife. Shave, indeed! 1t
would be small job to scald and scrape
a four hundred pound porker com
pared to depilitatng the mugs OF these
Michiganders F.; two razors irretrieva6ly
ruined were not included in the bill, or
it is possible the younger Shirts would
have also made all affidavit. When
father and son are gifted with eye
brows ofsuch dubious hue as to require
mantle of bair-dye to conceal it, they
could hire hall and easily make
money enough In two hours exhibi'
ton to pay their barber and have
sufficient to get the set Of false teeth