Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-05-05
II u III 0 r.

UMOR.
A SLIGHT MISUNDERSTANDING
was some horse-racing over at the Blank
Course one day last fall, and Butterwick
attended to witness it: On his way home
in the Reading cars in the afternoon he
encountered Rev. Dr.. Potts, clergyman,
who knew no more about horse racing
than a Hindoo knows about seven-up.
Butterworth, however, took it for granted,
in his usual way, that the Doctor was IA
miliar with the subject, and taking seat
beside him remarked:
81 was out at the Blank course to-day
to see Longfellow.''
Indeed? Was he there? Where did you
say he WASP"
why, over yer at the course. l saw
him and General Harvey, and lot more
of them. He run agin General Harvey,
and it created big excitement, too; but
he beat the General badly, and the way
the crowd cheered him was wonderful.
They say a great deal of money changed
hands. The fact is had small bet upon
the General myself.''
"You don't mean to say that Long fellow
actually beat General Harney?"
"Yes, | do! Beat him the worst kind.
You'd hardly've thought it now, would
you? 1 was never more surprised in my
life. What's queer about it is he seemed
just as fresh afterwards as before he COM
menced. Didn't faze him bit. Why in
stead OF wanting to rest he was jumping
about just as lively, and when the crowd
began to push around him he kicked boy
in the stomach and doubled him all up
nearly killed him. Oh! he's wlckedl l
wouldn't trust him as far as [ could see
him.
''This is simply astonishing" said the
doctor. II wouldn't have believed it pos
sible. Are you sure it was Longfellow,
Mr.. Butterworth?"
"Why of course, I've seen him often be-
fore. And, after breathing awhile, he aud
Maggie Mitchell came out, and as soon as
they stepped off he put on an extra squirt
or two and led her by the neck all around
the place, and she came in putting and
blowing, nearly exhausted. never took
much stock in her anyway"
LED her by the neck! Why this is the
most scandalous conduct ever heard of.
Mr.. ButterWick you must certainly be
joking"
81 pledge you my word it's the solemn
truth. I saw it myself. And after that
Judge Fullerton and General Hal ney, they
took turn together, and that was the
prettiest contest Of the day. First the
Judge beat the General and then the Gen
eraPd put in the big ticks and give it the
Judge, and the two'd be about even for Il
while. and all Of sudden the General
would give a kinder jerk or two and leay
the judge just nowheres, and by tine tim
the General passed the third quarter tile
Judge kneeled over against the fence ;,li.:
gave in. They say he broke his leg, but
don't know if that's SO or not. Anyhow
he was used up. If he'd passed the quar-
ter he might have been all right
''What was the matter with the quarter?
Wasn't it good 20
''Oh. yes. But You see the Judge must
have lost his wind or something; and [
reckon when he tumbled it was something
like faint, you know"
'.Served him right for engaging in such
brutal contest
swell, dunno. Depends On how you look
at such things. And when that was over
LongfelloW entered with Matte Evelyn.
He kept shooting past her all the time, and
this worried her SO that she ran little to
one side, and somehow. | dunno how it
happened, but his leg kinder tripped her,
and she rolled over on the ground, hurt
pretty bad, I think while Longfellow had
his leg cut pretty near to the bone"
'sDid any of the shots strike her %
II don't understand you.'
''You said he kept shooting close to her,
and thought maybe some of the bullets
might have struck her"
"Why, meant that he ran past her.
of course. How in the thunder could he
shoot bullets at her?"
II thought maybe he had gun. But
don't understand any Of it. 1t is the
most astounding thing ever heard at any
rate.''
"Now, my dear sir, / want to ask you
how Longfellow could manage gun?"
t.
i'Man! man! Why, merciful MssesI you
didn't think was talking about human
beings all this time, did you? Why, Long
fellow is a horse! They were racing, run
ming races over the course this afternoon.
and was trying to tell you about it.''
'sYou don't say" remarked the doctor,
with sigh of relief. "Well, declare. l
of
and hardly knew whether to believe it
OF not; it seemed so strange that he should
behave in that manner"
Then Mr.. Bntterwick went into the
smoking car to tell the joke to his friends.
and the doctor sat rejecting upon The out
rageous impotence of the men who mans
their horses after respectable people.
SOME SEAsoNING.-A gentleman saw
his little daughter dipping her dolls dress
into tin cup, and inquired, "What are
you doing, my daughter?"
''Im coloring my dolls dress red.''
"With what %
with beer.
sWhat put that foolish notion into YOUR
head, child? you can't color red with
beer.''
Eyes, can, pa, because ma said it was
beer that made your nose so red."
That man had business that required
him down town Immediately.
When is a fowls neck like bell? When
it is Wrung for dinner.