The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-10-13
NO. "a.
MISCELLANEOUS

The family jar is often the child of tn
family jug.
Somebody defines Irritation to be atten
ton without intention.
The nearest approach to confidence
game is pulling mules tall
Appropriate weapons for duel between
Yale and Harvard-Fouling-pieces.
A thief running away is scamp, bu
the policeman chase after him is scam
per
An Irish writer SAYS: II know Of nc
earthly reason why women should not be
come medical men,"
Some thoughtless person says: "It is
unknd TO ridicule those items in the papers
about centenarians. It is no easy thing tc
beesme a centenarian; several have fail.
ed
"Well, Pat, Jim didn't qrite kill you
with the brick, did hep" No; but / wish
he had" "Why so7" $50 that | could
have seen the divil hung !"
Johnny you're a pig SAID father to
his little three-year Old boy. "Now, J1hn-
ny, do you know what a pig is?" eyes,
pa; a pig is a old hogs little boy"
An illinois stump speaker who was blow
ing around that he carried four rebel bull
lets as proofs Of his patriotism, was found
TO be carrying them in hts breechss pock-
cts.
LandIady, fercely-"You mustn't occu-
py that bed with your boots on Boarder
Never mind, they're an old pair; guess
the bugs won't hurt EN-. Let EN- rip, any
how
The roses ofpleasure seldom last long
enough to adorn .the brow of him who
plucSs them, and they are the only roses
that do not retain their sweetness after
they have lost their beauty.
Some man in Boston publishes a paper
called the Kingdom Of Heaven, for seven
ty-five cents year. OF course it is a bogus
affair. The genuine Kingdom of Heaven
can be had without money and without
price.
A good-naturcd traveller fell asleep in
train, short time ago, and was carried
few miles beyond his destination. "Pretty
good joke, isn't it?n said he to a fellow
passenger. ayes, little too iar-ffetehed,'
was the rejoinder.
Little Robbie went out to a show, and
saw an elephant for the first time in his
life. When he came home, his mother ask
ed him what he had seen. Robbie replied
IAN elephant, mamma, that gobbled up
hay with his front TAIL"
" Why Ichabod, | thought you got mar
ried -more,n year ago?" WelI. aunt
Jerusha, it was talked Of, but | found out
that the girl and all her folks were oppos-
ed to it, and SO I just gave 'em all the nit
ten and let the thing drop"
The following epitaph appears on a
tombstone in Thompson, Conn: @Here
tles the body Of Jonathan Richardson, who
never sacrificed his reason at the altar Of
saperstition's god, and who never believed
that Jonah swallowed a whale"
a young lady who has been greatly an
noyed BY lotof simpletons who stop un-
der her window every night to sing 'If|
ever | cease to love, wishes us to say that
if they will stop their foolishness, and
come in and talk business they will confer
a favor.
A female "pussea of cull4b" was asked
a few days siaee why she never wore white,
as black women were generally fond off
decking themselves out in snowy apparal.
sKaise,' said she, II allus thinks a white
dress makes niger look like a ay in 4
pan Of milk"
The late Horace Greedy, speaking of 4
very ayaricious man, remarked that he did
not see what he wanted with any more
money; he had enough for this world s;
when he died he could not carry it with
him and if he could it would not do him
any good, for it would melt.
A young fellow IN a Western town was
fined ten dollars for kissing girl against
her will, and the following day the damseI
sent him the amount of the fine, with
note saying that the next time he kissed
her he must be less rough about it, and be
careful not to do it when her father was
about.
An amiable citizen of Burlington called
TO see another, who was dangerously i'll.
Attracted by festive pair Of boots in the
room Of the invalid, the visitor tried them
on, when turning to the sick man with
much sympathy, he remarked "Suppos-
ing the worst to happen, III take these
boots"