Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-10-20

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gally kiss his hired girl if he can swear he
thought it was his wife.
The New York Sun, which shines for all,
believes that married women make the best
school teachers.
The production of raisins in California is
rapidly assuming the proportions of an i'm
portant industry.
Sitting Bull has S4OO in cash due him
from the government, and the government
wants to hand it to him.
A chemist who, as judge in the exhibi-
tion, ate a number of samples of candy has
been seriously i'll ever since.
An old Newfoundland dog wears three
medals which have been presented to him
for saving human life
Here lies cut down like the unripe fruit,
The wife OF Deacon Amos Shute
She died OF drinking too much coffee,
Ammo DOminy eighteen forty.
An individual trying to find his way who
lost his balance, has decided to start on q
more extensive scale.
We don't know how the taiors bank ac-
counts are, but their checks are very favor
ably received this season.
According to the fearful account of an ur-
chin the multiplication table is illustrated
with cuts in his school.
The rascalty of mans character can
never be fully appreciated till he is nomi-
mated for office; the higher the Office the
greater the rascality..
Most people are anxious to get the fust
news; want my news about days old,
then | think | stand some chance to hear the
truth.
They have printer in Montreal who is
so rapid in his movements that when the
types pass from the "case" to his "stick"
they look like a visitation of grasshoppers or
a storm of shinge nails firing at mark.
A Western Judge recently constructed the
longest sentence on record. He sentenced
murderer for life, and alterward added two
more years to the sentence, because the pris-
oner called him "no gentleman"
The Cincinnati Commercial says: A
blind tramp was restored to sight at Erie,
Penn, by thorough washing, administered
at the almshouse. He will probably sue tho
city for inActing cruel and unusual pun
ishment.
A man who stopped at Norristown hotel
devoured dozen sweet potatoes, seven white
potatoes, a dozen ears Of corn, four pies,
plate of tomatoes, a slice Of watermelon,
three plates Of ice cream, four slices Of beef
and six slices Of bread, with three glasses of
beer.
1t is on record that one man made an ap-
plication for a front seat at the He'll Gate
explosion for his mother-in-law. He re-
marked in a sarcastic tone that the old lady's
eyes were not very good, aud he wouldn't
mind how dangerous it was so long as he
could get her good place.
1t is sad, sad spectacle to see man who
has fled to this country to escape the Calling
chain of tyranny standing in the middle of
an unfinished room, with a scrubblng brush
in one hand and pail of hot water in the
other, while stalwart woman PAGES around
him, giving him orders.
A gentleman had board up on a part of
his land on which was written, 81 will give
this field te any one who is really con-
tented ;" and when an applicant came, he
asked, care you contented?' The general
answer was, 81 am;" and his reply invari-
ably was, "Then what do you want Of my
field ?"
An Arkansas man, says the Burlington
llawkeye, thoughtlessy set some spring
guns in his poultry yard, and the next morn
ing in the rising sun he rubbed his spectacles
and stared in speechless amazement at eight.
cen candidates for governor, sitting on the
front fence picking bird shot out OF their
thirty-siX legs.
A curious registration difficulty has oc.
Cured at Carrickiergus, Ireland, where
there were II McAllistcrs and 81 McAaleys
on the lists, many being of the same Chris
tan name. On arriving at the first Of these
names, during the revision OF the register,
the town clerk said that no mortal man
could understand the NJ cAllisters and Me-
Aueys. These names were allowed to re-
main undlsturbed.
A young man, apparently from the rural
districts, knocked timidly at the toll bar on
the Milwaukee plank road, the other day,
and when the guardian asked him what he
, wanted, said "ls this yere Chicago ??
"You bet 1t is !" replied the man. sis Tim
2" continued the representative of the rural
population. 1t appeared afterwards that he
was looking for his brother Timothy, who
moved to Chicago in 1856.
An honest citizen is stopped on his way
5 home one dark night by footpad, but draw
| ing his revolver lays the robber dead at his
5 feet. ii is about moving away when a
thought strikes him, and returning to the
f corpse he examines its pockets. ln them
he finds four gold watches, a roll of bills and
, some small change, Slowing those in his
pockets the honest citizen goes his way re-
marking, "Not so bad after all.'-PariS
/ Paper.
i lie called at the police Office recently, and
= stated that he was in trouble. "a fine
: young fellow, shust so nice as anybody
J, came up to Inc on the street and says How
= you does p Long time since | saw you il
c Shasta COUNTY | says, Il never vas il
+ Shasta COUNTY lie says, why, dinks
!. see you dere.' / says, No, lives near Au
burn lie goes away, and bimeby | meet
l. a chap and he says, How you was since
If left you at Auburn2 Then we has tall
n aud some drinks, uud | lend him ein hun
!. dred dollars until the pank opens, und
dond see him some more, Vat you dinks =?