The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-12-30
VARIETY.

A stump speaker boldly announced the other
day that 81 the country is drifting into arnica."
When does a ship of war become ship of
peace? When she drops her raneor.
Kentucky Democratic editor denounces
Colonel Iogersoll because he throws the dirt of
his disbelief on the Bible, an instrument as dear
and precious to the souls of the American people
as the name of its iIlustrious author Thomas
jefferson, is green in their memories
An elderly darkey was inquring of a police
man if he knew anything of his son Pete. The
policeman replied that there was young darkey
in the lookup, for breaking up prayer meeting
with an ak handle. OATS him." exclaimed
the oyerjoysd parent, " He told me he was gwine
to amaee hisself. y
Mr.. Buckle says that history repeats itself.
We presume he refers to the fact that the Jews
were directed to make glad the waist places and
that the pleasing custom of doing it with the
left arm, on the front stOop, evenings, after the
old gentleman has gone to the lodge, is popular
now.
The Baltimore Bulletin thinks that what
George Alfred Townsend doesn't know is not
worth knowing. It says that he has discovered
that Dan Sickles murdered the author of the
Star Spangled Banner, - who also wrote g Beau
tiful Snow" and Mary had Little Lamb"
AN OBIEcrIoSABLE JoKE-A telegram from
Virginia City, Nevada, says that great excite
ment was caused on street in that city few
nights ago by man who gathered large crowd
under the pretext of liberating some rats from o
box for q dog to kill. About three hundred men
gathered about the spot, when polecat sprang
from the box and began to disperse the crowd.
The man made his escape, but was hunted all
night by gang with six-shooters. So great
was the Indignation that he was compelled to flee
the city. About a hundred persons had their
clothes ruined.
Garrett Townsend and Jim Bruce went out of
Louisville, Ky, into the country to practice sing
ing bass. They made the woods '' how'll for
miles around, until a granger, with double
barrelled shotgun on his shoulder and blood In
his eye, put in his appearance. 90 I'm lookin'
for bull that has been bellerin' around here all
day Have either Of you felers seed one any
where ?" Jim looked at the granger, then at
Garrett, and sad % Mister, the bull your lookin'
on through the wood, and Jim turned and said,
50 Let's git, Garrett that bass voice of yours will
get US killed" And they walked back to the
city in forty minutes.
A country gentleman was in the habit of en-
tertaining his friends almost weekly, and discoy-
cred that regularly some small article of plate
was missing, castor-top, salt-spoon, a napkin
ring, or something of the kind. He suspected
his servants, and to make sure, one night when
the guests had assembled, he said IS tell you
what Let's do without servants tonight and
wait ON ourselves - The odd suggestion was
greeted with applause and peals of laughter. The
Servants were turned out; the meal was seasoned
with sparkling sallies at the expense of the |
clumsiness of this or that guest, and when they |
had all gone the host took stock, and discovered
that tWo-thirds Of the spoons had gone too.-
French paper.