The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-02-09
CLIPPINGS.

d
while he shot her with a revolver. The
cat did not stop to see how badly the boy
was wounded.
''Scuse me, stranger" said a fellow who
wanted most of the sidewalk Yesterday.
':lsh SO foggy that no Teller can find the
An 1rishman says that stish will live
twice as long if killed by blow on the
head when caught, as when left to die
gradually
my client is no more guilty Of stealing
that hog than a frog amt got no tail,
was young Kentucky lawyers address, to
Warren county jury.
What is the difference between killing
a hog and stabbing man? One is as.
saultlng with intent to kill, and the other
is killing with intent to salt.
If you were to ..sk old Father Time
how he felt, ne would undoubtedly say
''Sew-sew. So many people stake a
stitch in Time," you know.
A man in kentucky was found dead,
with!fourtcen bullet-holes in his head, and
a coroner's jury returned a verdict of
'death from undue excitement"
A New Hampshire man sends Ii of his
children to one school, and when they
combine against the teacher he knows he
can safely bet on the result.
What with stocking darners, knitting
and sewing'machines, apple.pearers,
washers and wringers, woman as neces-
sity, is fading from the earth.
When walking with gentleman, a
lady should take his right arm, but IN q
crowded thoroughfare you may with
propriety sieze him by the coat collar.
A Maine merchant rejoices that this is
centennial year, for he says he has a
number Of customers who settle their &C.
counts only once in hundred years.
A Bridgeport boy told his father to
''dry up,' and called him an Honorable
hyena," and now his proud parent
intends to make democratic statesman
of him.
An original neighbor of Rip Van Wink.
lie was said to be so lazy that when he
went to hoe corn he worked so slowly
that the shade of his broad.rimed hat
killed the plants.
Young ladies' can now be seen oiling the
gate hinges. They don't do it from any
feeling of love for the gate; they do it to
prevent the hinges from ''s,nging'' when
the family is wrapped in slumber.
A Nashua man tells in print of pulle
he owns, that will fly off the perch, 90 to
her nest and lay an egg, if any person
goes in the hcn-house at night with a
lantern. Welike good liar, but this one
Nashuates us.
A rich contractor was holding forth up.
on the instability of the world. "Can
you account for it sir z" he asked turning
70 Sam Foote. swell not very clearly
he responded. sunless we suppose it was
built by contract
Folks will talk when doctor comes to
a meeting of his creditors behind a pair
Of stylish horses and brisht-buttoned
driver, offers twenty-five cents on the
dollar, and drives off again.
II don't know any thing more tryin' to
the TEMPER says old Uncle Joe Stebbins,
'than for man to wind up clock every
day for twenty years, and then find out
that the pesky thing is an eight.day con-
| sarn."
Maria, daughter of the late Emperor
Nicholas OF Russia. has gone home from
Italy to die OF consumption. She lived
for many years in villa near Florence,
where she gathered great quantity of
good satuary and pictures, and dispensed
hospitality.
The vernacular heard in the fashion.
able Washington drawing-room does not
recall the ''good old days" very much.
Sometimes above the roar Of the festiv.
| tiles big, manly voice is audible, re.
marking: ''No I'll be cofer.dammed il
do" and then the dulcet tones of some
sweet woman's voice: ''l'll bet that's an
Indiana MEMBER
Chow much do you ask for that there
velvet by the yard o. said Mrs. Rural at
| Stewards the other day. ''That, madam -
said the clerk holding it up, lis 50, form.
erly sold at $14." Thought so,', said
| Mrs. Rural; ''now where's them 18 cent
| calicoes seed advertised in the pa.
perse
The only articles of clothing which we
export to Africa are glass beads and brass
rings, which the negroes wear in their
noses. These constitute the full dress in
Africa, though the aristocratic natives
sometimes rub themselves in fat and
then sprinkle themselves with a yellow
sand.
A Frenchman in the city of L., who
had not thoroughly mastered the Eng.
lish tongue, sends the following excuse
for his boys absence from school. 81
testimony myself that my boy could no,
60 up to the school yes now, because hi
had, has bad cut on tho knees, and he i.
not cure YETI
| Ice.So lated nlaces-sk atinp.nonds