Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1876-02-19
UNGORGEOUs JosEpH's MOTHER.


UNGORGEOUs JosEpH's MOTHER. s..
, Adown the New York Central road,
the other. day, an, old lady got into a
drawing-rOom car Oh train coming to
New York. 1t is seldom that Oltl-fash-
toned Old women patronize these cars;
but she paid her extra without grumb-
ling, and was assigned chair next to q
young man.
He had pale blue eyes. He parted his
hair in the middle. He had on delicate
clothes. He gave the old lady one feeble
glance, and then leaned back and closed
his eyes.
She got her bundles nicely piled up,
and then gave the young man square,
thorough looking over. She had never
beheld any thing like him on land or sea.
"Say, boy!' she said, giving his knee
push. after she had eyed him to her sat
isfactiOn.
He opened his eyes, glared at her in
blank Amusement, and might have doubt
ed his senses had she not continues:
Awake up-I want to talk to you'll"
81 do not know you ~ be drawled, turn.
ing his head away.
THAT don't make q bit of difference"
she cheerfuHy replied; ~ won't bite you,
and you won't bite me. l want to ask
where on earth you got them duds?''
"Duds .duds!' he repeated, giving her
q terrible look.
81 s'pose IOught-to have said clothes,"
she went on, 'but Joseph calls EN- 'duds,'
and I've got used to the word. You've
got Oh the best-loolzing suit of clothes
I've seen in forty years The mint set
eyes on you L was struck with your gor-
geousness."
Who-are-you ?" he family gasped.
"Oh! don't go to being reserved and
high-toned now.'' she pleaded. Joseph
| always has so much trouble to get amy
dudS to suit him. and he's always blow
ing around so much about fashion that |
want to get posted up a bit. You've got
the loveliest necktie on that L ever saw.
Did you buy 1t, or is it one your mother
made out OF all old silk dress?"
He tried to wilt her with q look, and
then leaned back and closed his eyes
again.
"And that shirt bosom =" she went on.
"JOseph always stuck to it that didn't
know how to do up a shirt. and now
see the poor boy was right. Is that 2
linen or u cotton bosom ?' 1850
He refused to answer, and she reached
over and grabbed 1t it and said:
Excuse me, but believe it's half cot
ton anyway
"Fiends! madam - he gasped as he
Strengthened UP and gave her terrible
scowl.
"Don't swear-den't!" she pleaded, lay
ing her hand on his arm. II see it's all
linen, and I'd give the best cow on our
farm If L could put such polish on Il
shirt as-that Does your mother use COM
mon starch, or is it some kind OF patent
giOss:"
lie grabbed at Il newspaper and made
as If be was reading, but she kept on:
And such a vest and coat I've heard
about damasks and purple and tapestry,
but never saw 'em before. / suppose
that coat alone cost ten or 'leven dollars,
didn't it?''
My Col. Why will you talk to me?"
he whispered from behind his new spaper.
don't swear, young man! Joseph is
rising of twenty-five, and Idon't believe
he ever ,swore in his life. Poor boy
wish he was here to see this gorgeous
mes: L can't say that | like his taste al
together. He runs to sky blue AMI yal-
Her and green in his clothes, and [ don't
think he'll ever be gorgeous like y,u.
He's been ungOrgeOus all his life, and it
amt likely he'll ever change much. Was
that coat made for you, or did you trade
for it?"
lie couldn't wheel his chair around on
account OF her feet, and after getting her
breath she went on:
r" And such bOotsi Not a rip nor patch
to be seen. Joseph never had such Il pair
OF boots i'll his life, and he's always worked
like an OK. Do you make it rule to get
your boots one size too large or one size
too small And do you use lard on 'em.
or is 1t this common stove backing. [
believe I'll get Joseph pair like 'em
when I'm in York. Perhaps can COM
nence at his feet and gradually train him
to the gorgeous all over"
He leaned forward and looked out of
the window, hoping to get rid of her.
She rose up and peered out and said
hope they hayentrlin over critter
and that they won't get stuck fast Oh
sand bar, or blowup or tnythingr'
J. She sat down, rubbed the glasses of her
spectacles, and then returned to. business
by remarking 49, 80
~ &c 'spose you wear lsndershirts. don't
you ?" V'ss@ 70
sly heavens madam ~ he gasped.
AhNAS yOu IOu
know Joseph fora whole year and you'd
never hear him use such blasphemous
Oaths as you utter. Perhaps, though,
your father was great swearer. I've
heard that such things run in family,
same as warts and biles and consumption.
l asked about undershirts because Joseph
won't wear 'em. He says they make him
itch. / believe they are healthy, and [
believe i'll could git him to Wear one l
could sooai learn him to be gorgeous.
I've heard1S1yz they could be Bought rs
low as tV 5iAoeGs apiece. Do you
know how tl.seil lem i'll York ?"
lie leaned BxcesagaIn, and she reached
over and grabbed handful of his hair,
held up her hand. put it to her nose and
exclaimed:
And there's another mystery solved
Joseph always stack t0vit that coOns lie
WIS fash nable hair lie, , but he was wrong.
I'll bet my lite that lie never saw COCA
in its born days. Tiers sort O. raw
e ge to cOon's lie which can't be taken eff.
believe LII git some o. this in York for
Joseph. just as long as he plugs around
with coOn'S lie OH his hair and lampblack
Oh his boots, might as well try to upset
the barn us to think OF making him gor-
geOus. Do you think that gorgeOusness
or ungorgeousness runs in family?"
"Great Ceasers! Won't you let me
alone - he Kissed.
"And still another piratical oath !" she
replied, locking her fingers together and