The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-08-26
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


When three or four Ottawa lawyers 90
Marselles to pettifog a lawsuit, the Herald sa
"oar hotel and restaurant keepers let contrac
for ell descriptions OF edbes." A square me
for an average Ottawa lawyer is equal to
weeks support of common Marseilles famil
The regular Marseilles diet of bullheads an
greens wont appease the ravenous appetites
our Ottawa legal gentry, to whom peck Of no
and hominy and half gallon Of com juice is
mere lunch.
The Aurora Ners thinks John Dillon as
comedian is par ereellence. The -Ne,cs uses Frenc
with the intelligence and nice discrimination {
a poll parrot.
What stupid, monotonous, joyless eXlstcnc
that would be as described by the poet here quo
ted. He can have known little about happ.
free America"
Where spades grow bright and idle sword
Where jais are empty, and where barns are full
Where church.paths are with frequent foo
Law court-yards weedy, silent and forlorn;
Where doctors foot it, and where farmers ride
Where age abounds and truth is multiplied;
Where these signs are, they clearly indicat
happy people and well governed state
A Wisconsin school teacher had revenge whel
the board cut her salary down. She licked ey
cry scholar in the school, destroyed four maps
carried off the keys, and in the lawsuit that fol
lowed she beat the board sky high.
The New York Tribune in discussing the fly
and its habits, says advisingly: Great care has
10 be taken in eating huckleberries, because
nothing pleases fly so much as to be mistaken
for one; and, If he can be baked in cake and
pass himself of on the unwary as a currant he
dies without regret.
When Bergh sees man bring his hand down
Ike plle-drver on the spot where gal'npper
ia boring for sustenance, he sadly but firmly in.
Quires: Could you be so cruel as to see poor
mosquito starve:
Alexander H. Stephens is getting better and
gaining flesh. A visitor to his mansion, recent
Iy, found him out Of doors standing in the shade
Of bean pole and in good spirits.
Whenever you 20 to a Democratic meeting and
hear SOMEBODY on the outskirts of the crowd cry
Hurrah for JEFF. Davis" let him have brick
between the eyes, and the next morning you will
hear OF a Radical hummer laid up with a broken
That the republican party is in earnest about re.
forming itself within itself is shown by the ygor
with which Chandler is engaged in collecting 10
per cent. of the salaries Of all government Off.
cials. Zack says the party must be reformed II
il takes 80 per cent.
Grants new secretary Of the interior is an In
diana man, and evidently well posted few
days after he was installed, Senator Oglesby, OF
H., and representative Foster, Of Ohio called on
him. After the usual greetings, "phanzy the
pheellnX OF the distinguished callers when the
Hooser dlgnitary Strengthened himself back in
his chair and inquired, SWELL gentlemen, when
did you leave homer "Our Dick" they say,
laughed over it afterwards in rather energetic
words
Every man who reads the Lords Prayer and
len Commandments knows that the RepUbli-
cans should be driven from p0wer.-N. Y. E1.
press. But how are the Democrats TO find il
out?-SpriRgfteH UaiOR Easy enough; Bibles
are among the few articles that Republicans
wont steal Worcester Press,
The typographical fsnd is abroad once more,
and shocks US by telling of straw beds" in
stead OF bids" in the Postoffce Department,
and locating o meeting held in the Music Hall
as in the Music He'll.
G. L. Langley, Of Sheridan, gives utteran ce,
through the News Letter. to the preposterous
opinion that people who are too pious TO pull
weeds or play croquet on Sunday ought not to
steal water melons when they go fishing with
their ladies on week days.
As the political campaign proceeds, the re.
publican forces are getting in line. Belknap is
acquitted, the crooks are coming back from Can.
ada, Gran is paidoning the thieves out of jail,
and the distilleres are all getting at work again
Rally round the swag, boys.
The Beacher's Club ~ is a Galveston organi. |
cation composed OF IS OF Galveston's best.hnown
widows pro tenn The object Of the organ.
ization is for mutual benefit and employment
while waiting for the return Of their wives from
The Centennial. The object Of the singular spell.
ing Is to dclude the absent better halves
Under the present administration, the ONLY |
way TO secure the intimidation Of Sitting Bull is |
TO make an anti-liayes voter Of him. In which
impossibilty "A Oayonet would he thrust under
his nose quicker than a wink.-Cticdgo Times.
The Denver Nccs rejects all poetcal contribu
lions except such as are strictly original, Ike
the following:
Truth crushed TO earth shall rise again,
And waste Its sweetness in the desert ali.
IL thunder, lightning, or in rain,
None but the brave deserve the fair
There was sound Of revelry by night:
On Linden, when the sun was low,
4 voice replied far W the height,
Tall oaks from little acorns grow
change came DER the spirit Of my dream,
Whatever l., is right;
4hlngs are not always what they seem;
Ny native land, good night
The reason why John shotwell Of Arkansas
died was because the other fellow shot better.
sitting Bull still occupies lis country seat.
Way down in Maine is sounding the voice Of
BOB lngcrsoll, proclaiming 10 the Congrega
tiOnalsts OF that state that their Is no God and
dayes Is bis prophet.-Cki. TWses.
Samuel J. Tilden's letter Of acceptance will be
issued from this Office in book form, with notes
Of explanation. The first volume will be out in
forty days, more or less. We have three Reform.
cd lunatics at work compiling and arranging
D = o. n