The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-10-20
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
In what respect is a man who bets
worse than one who is no betterg
PRETTY girls are like confectionery in
more ways than one: They are sweet,
they are expensive, and they are condu-
Give TO heartburn
FROM J,tdy: NJ. Blank-"I always
found that at school the stupidest boy
carried off all the prizes" Miss Spar
kle-"Did you get manye"
DIoGENEs being asked. "The biting
of which beast is the most dangerousa"
answered eff you mean wild beasts.
tbs the slanderer if tame ones, the
fatterer."
SAID fancy farmer to some guests at
his country seat on the Hudson 60 Will
you have milk or champagne, my
friends 2" adding somewhat sadly, "one
costs as much as the other"
THOSE three Cinnamon who took
watermelon home and cooked it, say
that they feel able to worry along on rice
short time longer, without fooling
| with any more new-fangled arrangements
in the vegetable line.
YoNKERs Gazette Chow very, very
cruel !" said the sympathetic Mrs. Quin-
cess, with tears in her eyes, yesterday
morning, as she gazed on a card in front
of Ackett's bookstore, which reads,
"Helen's babies. For sale here"
THE New Orleans Bulletin says he
now thinks it is unsafe to leave blotting
paper around the Office. His wife found
this on piece
:euS tseraeD
.sevolg 70 xob dnes lliw
.EILLIW
THERE has been fall recently in hip
popotamuses, and a very fair, trust
worthy hippopotamus can now be
bought for $4,000. There are indica-
ton of a rise, however, and people of
small means should lay i'll their supply
at once.
'r,ANY children r. said the proprietor
of the house, "a gaunt, harsh woman,
with voice you could CRATE a nutmeg
on, to the proposing tenant of her build
ing. eyes, ma am, meekly replied the
tenant. "but, if you desire it, of course
I can drown them"
TOMMY CT say, Annie, let's ask
mother to give us holiday from school
this afternoon" Annie : "Oh no,
Tommy heerd 'em say as Billy Pur-
Wis and three more boys was to be
logged this afternoon, and it is such
fun to see--and to hear EN- screechl"
AFTER being refused pass to the
Centennial the " Personal" man of the
New York Herald sat down and wrote
that "the credulous, confding, friendly
frankness of a man of genius is some
times mistaken by common people
for abject humiliation and grovelling.
A BOY whose parents are dead is al
ways handy and neat in his movements,
because he does things in an of hand
manner. We hope no orphans who
weigh over 80 years will be off-handed
at this mild-voiced joke, which we trust
will go no father, as it was only meant
to charm mother hearts from their grief.
Huntington Hawk-Eye.
Asked her for her tiny glove,
That lay beside me on the chair,
But " No." she said, and then asked
For just one little lock OF hair
Or else the fau. bow OF blue
Or locket round the snowy throat,
But still she spUks that same sweet No.
Still in the same low silvery note;
But when I, wild with eager love,
Cried. - What will you, little off,
Then give me to remember your"
She looked at me and said, Myself"
"DEER Bill Doant kun to see me
emmy moar for while emmy way.
Father has got awfully skeered about
burglars, and he sets up every night till
lait with double barrelld shot-gu
watching the backyard. He put moren
pound NV led into Smiths big nu-
foundland dog wich was kummin over
the fens after bone last mite.
"'The rose IL led; the vioets blue
wouldn't KUN now If / wss you. -
A YOUNG man disappeared from lis
home last spring, and his parents heard
nothing of him until yesterday, when he
came home with broken nose, four
fingers frightfully out of shape, one ear
partially gone, one eye missing, and
crutch under his right arm. At first his
mother thought he was a victim of a
nitro-g lycerine explosion, but when he
sank down into chair, and feelingly re-
marked, "Home base at last" she knew
right away that he had been travelling
with Professional baseball club, and
charitably forebore questioning him.