The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1876-08-10

4 SILENT ENEFACToR.-[ From the Phlla-
delphia Bulletin. Mr.. Cooley suffered a
good deal last winter from rheumatism IN
his breast. and his wife was badly frightened
about il for fear it should end in consump-
ton. Cooley could not be induced to try
anS remedy for the trouble, and Mrs. cooley
was nearly worried to death about It. Al
last she determined to try strategy. She
made ND q dry muStard-plastcr, and one
Night while he was asleep she sewed it upon
the inside of his undershirt so that it would
inst about cover the rheumatic place.
Cooley dressed himself in the morning,
wholly unsuspiciouS Of the presence OF
the master, and went down stairs. At the
breakfast-tablc, while he was talking
to his wife, he suddenly stopped, looked
cross-eycd, and spaSm of pain passed over
his face. Then he took up the thread OF the
conversation again and went on. lie was
in the midst of an explanation OF the po'lti-
cal situation, when all at once he ceased
again, looked red in the face. and eXclalm-
ed
"I wonder what in the-No, it can't be
anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the matter,
and Cooley said:
"Oh. it's that internal old rheumatism
asain-comc back awful. But never felt
it exactly the same way before-klnder
stings me-"
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
Then Dir. Cooley began again, and was
inst showing her how the raragcs OF the
grasshoppcrs in tho West last summer ana
the notato-bug in the East would effect the
nolitical result next fall by making the peo-
nle discontinued, and so likely to strike ut the
party in power, when he suddenly dropped
the subject and, jumping up, said:
"Thunder and lightning! what's that?
Ouch, O, Moses feels if had shovel
ful of hot Goals inside my shirt"
"Must be that rheumatism getting
worSe,' said Mrs. Cooley, sympathetically.
"Oh, gracious, no It's something worse
than rheumatism. Feels like fire burning
into my skin. Ouch! Ow-wow-wow. It's
awful. l can't stand it a minute. / believe
it's cholera, or something, and Fam going
to die"
"Do try to be calm, Mr.. Cooley"
"Calm! How can man be calm with
volcano boiling over under his shirt! Get
out of the way, quick. while l go upstairs
and undress. Murder-r-r-r-r, but 1t hurts.
Let me get out, quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom an d
stripped off his clothes. His chest was the
color OF a boiled lobster but he couldn't
for the life OF him tell what was the matter.
Then his eyes rested upon something white
on his shirt. He picked up the garment
and examined it. Ten minutes later he
came slowly down stairs with dry mus
in his hand, while thunder
clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook the
plaster under her nose, and said in sup
pressed voice:
"Did You put that thing in my clothes :"
~ did it for the best, john" she said.
/" / thought -"
ooh, never mind what you thought, YOU
idiot! Never mind what you thought!
You'vc taken the skin clear off OF my bosom,
80 that Pm as raw as sirloin steak, and I'll
probably never be well again as long as l
live. That lets you out. You play any
more tricks like that on me, and Pll put you
in the coal-bin and keep you there till you
staryc to death. Now mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went out.
Mrs. Cooley doesn't know to this day en-
,ctly what effect the grasshoppers are going
to have on the fall elections.