Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-08-04

A combination lock - The marriage
ceremony.
Our colored friends think that Hayes is
the fodder of his country Chattanooga
Times
No woman with a proper appreciation
OF her rights will marry a man SO tall that
she can't reach his hair.
"All is vanity" remarked tin.warc
peddler the other day. whats life to
me but holler and tin self"
A fund of 100000 has been subscribed
in New Hampshire, the interest to be used
in prosecuting violators Of the liquor
law.
1t was a little dressmaker girl that
looked out of the window as drove OF
Texan steers went by and remarked that
their horns seemed to be cut goring.
-"Is the moon made of green cheese,
youngster?" "No, sir; certainly not"
chow do you prove that?" Oh, easy-the
moon was made before the cows.
Don't come to see me any more just
vet, John; father has been having his
boots half f-soled, with two rows OF nails
around the toes" wrote q guileless girl to
her adorer.
At the end of an Indiana ceremony of
marriage the bride advanced gracefully to
the clergyman and requested him to an
nounce the hymn, 'This is the way long
have sought"
"That is what 1 call finished Sermon"
remarked man as he was coming out OF
church. "Yes, finished at last" replied
his nelghbor, though began to think it
never would be.
An Irish peasant, being asked why he
permitted his pig to take up his quarters
with the family, replied: "Why not?
Doesn't the place afford livery convenience
that pig can require?"
Breathes there Yank SO mean, 80 small
Who never says: "Wa-al, now, by gau1,
reckon since old Adams fall,
There's never crowd on this ere ball
nation so ALFRED tall
As We Centennial iankees!'
boston Globe.
An enterprising but ignorant South
American has sent to an Albany locomo-
tive shop for 100 -catchers." He
expects to use them in taking wild cattle
on the plains of Paraguay, in place of the
lasso.
Little boys playing at ball. Anxious
mamma in distant doorway calling aloud,
"Tommy, Tommy. ."-Gentleman calls the
attention of children to woman. Best boy
replies, 'Her aint calling of We; us don't
belong to She"
"Mamma," said precocious youngster,
at the tea-table, the other evening, after
long and yearning gaze towards plate OF
doughnuts, "mamma, do you think could
stand another of those fried holes?" She
thought he could.
Several very good-size1 snakes have
lately been seen IN the cemetery. They
should be kept out at any expense. Peo-
pie who 60 to visit their dead do not want
shin up tombstones.
A little boy, a few days since, while
coming down stairs, was cautioned by his
mother not to lose his balance. His ques-
tion, which followed, was a puzzler:
Mother, if l should lose my balance
where would it 60 to-"
Morton Michael wishes to call the Ex.
hibition a 'Wondrous fair" Why not
Passing fair?"-Graphic. That's SO;
why not? You pass the fare when you
enter, and keep passing the ''fair" after
you are in.-Norrist0un Herald.
"Please send me one broom, and see
that the handle is stronger than the last
one was" wrote Chicago woman to her
husband last week, in handful Of char
acter. Her husband pretends that he hit
his head against the door IN the dark.
Boys" said the teacher, holding up
her right fore finger to make the scholars
attentive, "what Is Indian meal composed
of?' And little boy in the back seat,
who wore patched trowsers, got up and
said: "If you please, ma'am, its roast
missionaries"
They were talking of death, when
one man asked: "What were his last
words?" "He didn't say anything" was
the reply. "That's just like him." said
the first man, with an approving nod
"There was no gas about him. He was
all business"
An old 49-er entered barber shop, the
other day, and, taking off his coat, said:
eyes, l do want shave, and don't keep
a bottle in the shop, nor don't want the
hair on the back of my neck shaved; so
you chaps look live and go slow, or I'll
mutilate you"
A Kansas City German got angry with
n honEar nf thof nloco for dom, ,,1fnr
heavy discount, and when the banker as
serted 1t was business" replied: "Pis-
inesss, pisiness? You sit in here all day
and rob a man barefaced before his back,
and calls dat pisiHess."
Col. Ben Wilson, of West Virginia,
noted for politeness and debate, was in
formed by his physician that his end was
near. ''Of course you know, DOCTOR"
said the invalid, "but may inquire on
what you predicate your theory" The
funeral was postponed.
Scene in recitation room. Professor
"The ancient Egyptians were in the habit
Of sacrificing red-headed girls to the
devils" Authenticated youth -"What
did they do with the red-headed boyss"
Professor-"Oh, they supposed they would
go of their own accord.
This memorandum, evidently poetic,
was picked up in Fremont Park last
week: "Her dome uprears - floods of
tears-twine the laural wreath Wash
ington's teeth-strong as theil springs,
and as their ivory pure-hewer, fewer,
skewcr-gone to lunch"
circumstances alter cases, you know"
remarked Scotch lawyer to an old farm
er client Vera true, sir" replied the
farmer, "and cases alter circumstances as
weel; for, man, l mind when ye were
young and had but few cases, your cir
cumstances welna over braw"
Jones says he seldom has felt like de-
gree of un-equanimity and a desire to
break commandment and some ones
head. as when to-day his next door neigh
Dor brought back buffalo robe he had
borrowed last January; and asked Jones
If he had got spare thermometer.
Can you change this William for me?"
said a young man, who presented 80
dollar bill at Gloucester National Bank.
yesterday morning. "Yes," said the cash.
ier, "but why do You call it q William"
ooh, Pm not familiar enough with that
kind of thing to call it Bill" was the
quick reply.
Welldressed London roughs have
new source of amusement irP the tsladies'