The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1876-01-06
The BrOther-In-LaE.

A great deal has been written
against the mOther-in-law. She has
been made the target of everything in
literature, from the ssrcasms of Arte-
mus Ward to the platitudes of Eli
Perkins. She has been compared in
succession To all the plaques of E yypt,
| greatly To the advantage OF the
plaques. She has been pronounced a
more dangerous visitor than the light
ming rod man, and a greater bore
/ than the lie insurance agent. She
is said to be the very person in the
world who will come oftener and stay
longer than the book peddler. It is
reported that it costs more to keep
her for q summer than a whole army
of tramps, and finally she is declared
to be worse in household than rev.
OlutiOn in State, an earthquake in a
city, or an eruption in q volcano. OF
the truth or falsity of thess estimates
of the average mOther-in law we have
nothing to say at present; but We do
think 1t is time that the attention
of the American people should be
| diverted from female relatives by
marriage ami turned seriously to
the race of brothers-in-law. Who
is it that takes the husband out
| to the theateT, carries him off to the
billiard-saloOn when the play ia over,
and brings him home soaked with
old Falernian. The brother-in-law.
Who is it that is always asking you
| to lend him money or indOrse his
paper or go on his bail-bond Your
| brother-in-law. Who is it that has
got YOU into fifty difficulties and new
er got you out OF one? Your brother
in-law. Above all who is it that has
corrupted aud degraded our whole
system of politics until the eivil SER
vice is like a den of thieves ? We
answer mOurnfully, the brOther-in-
law. It was impossible that he should
do his duty honestly with them about
him, and as one blunder followed an
other the public grew accustomed to
the curse, aud asked placidly when
ever q new piece of malfeasanca
in Office was reported, (which of his
brotheTs-in-law is it this time 2'i
1t was soon found out, however, that
Grant was not the only man in the
country who had q brother-in-law.
Nearly every politician of any inf1u.
ence was supplied with one OF these
valuable articles and anxiously sought
/ to get rid of him by fOisting him into
| the Federal Government. The con-
sequence has been that we are now
living in the era OF brOthers-in-law,
and everything is going to destruc-
tion. II Revenue Collector is a de-
| fSulter, you may be sure that he is
some Senator's brother-in-law. II an
Indian Agent is caught in 3 piece OF
knavery, you are pretty certain to be
on the right track when you ask VIII
member OF the Administration he is
connected with by marriage. If a
soldier runs away, it is DriBld fdcie
proof that some leading politician is
married to his sister. And even in
cases where the brOther-in-law haI-
pens to be a decent fellow and in
clined to perform the duties intrusted
to him with fair amount of dill
gence, he invariably has some brother,
or uncle, or brOther-in-law OF his own
who brings him to destruction. A
striking illustration of this fact is Of
fered in the case Of the Postmaster of
indianapolis, who is Senator Nor
toms brOther-in-law, and is afflicted
with a wicked brother, who has been
cheating the Department for months,
directly under the POstmRster's own
eyes, an1 has nov been indicted by
the United States grand jury. The
discredit of his knavery is reflected
upon the austere figure of the Senator
from Indiana, who is compelled to
blush for the crimes of his brOther-in-
laws brother. This is not a proper
state of things. 1t is time that in the
interest of all Christian statesmen the
reign of this class should cease, Let
the vile deceivers be thrust from Of
flee, and let it be understood hereafter
that no mans brOther-in-law shall bt
put on guard.