The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-11-25
BUDGET or FUN.
The Bafled Book Agent.
a,Ianta Consultation

He came in briskly and sat down with q
Jerk. One end of his paper-cOl.ar reared over
his left ear n quamy smell OF last weeks
clothes hung about him. He turned his glass
ewes upon us, and loosening his India rubber
tongue he began:
"tThe Universal History of the Universe
in 1000 installments-50 cents an installment
300 engravings-"
"Stop, my friend. Restrain the intellectual.
flow-dam up that torrent of eloquence. Lis.
ten to me-do you know what has come to
me since saw you last? 1t was in Octo--"
"But, sir" interrupted the book.agent, "you
never saw me befOrel'
:."Never saw you! Impossible! Could one
who once gaZed on those noble lineaments
ever forget them? Could that coy wart on
the nose be ever forgotten-or that eloquent
mole on your iron jaw? Never, never! 1t was
in October that met you last. Blessed DC
tober-that month of ripeness and of sobered
passon Do you know of all the months in
the year October is"
pardon me, sir, exclaimed the book-agent,
rolling his brass eyelds in desperation, 'you
are
"Pardon me, sir; cannot allow any man to
hold the reins of conversation over mel Will
not be interrupted-to resume my grandmOth-
er was the most perfect woman vi her age
that you ever saw. She was 132 years old, ana
yet was as clipper as the best of US. My
brother, who was an inventive man, put her
on pair of wheels, and it would have done
you good to have seen her scoot around.
suppose ours was the only family that could
boast of q grandmother on wheels, and yet
"But, sir, am in great hurry, and"
"You must positively not interrupt me, my
friend AS was saying before, when man
has family growing up around him, 1t Is
hard to say which one he loves best. And
vet that boy of mine, with the strawberry
mark on his left ear. There's a queer story
story connected with that strawberry mark
that would please you,-have you childl"
81 am the father of thirteen miserable chill
dren," he replied.
"Ah, then, you can sympathize with my
story. You have been mother yourself.
All, who can sound the depth of a mothers
love? 1t is as deep as an arteslan well, as
high as liberty pole. 1t scars Ikea Chinese
kite, it grovels like grounding. 1t is sweet
to be mother. 1t gives us new life and
fills us with broad, deep, sweet"
"Really, sir, haven't the time" broke out
the perplcxed and desperate agent.
"Now, there you 60 again. You throw me
out every time. But to 60 back to our con-
versation. do think he was the sweetest
dog ever saw Although he was quite young
when he was born, he seemed to take to learn
ing naturally. When l would send him to
drive the pigs out of the yard, he would take
the little pigs patronizingly by the car"
"Ha! hal? laughed the book-agent, dole
fully, quite bright dog-quite bright-but
would you like this univ"
"Interruptlng me again there! But it don't
matter To resume: AS said before, the
beat was very small and quite cranky 1t
rocked wildly, and the girl became excited,
and it was hard to control her. You have
doubtless been on the water, and understand
-D
Just here the book.agent rose, his steel joints
swapping viciously He cast one wild, scared
look around him and made for the door. Hav-
ing reached the door, he turned and looked
back hungrily. He frightened up, as II he
were going TO open the conversation again,
but he gulped his sorrow down hastily, and
fed.
"Come back and see us again." We called
blandly over the stairs. "You are such q good
listener it's pleasure TO talk TO you. Yes,
come again Come during the next Centen.