The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-05-19

and disengaged the combatants at her
leisure.
Nellie had heard her mothers cook
say that pounding meat made it tender
and, in pursuance of this knowledge,
she put the pieces of steak into mortar
and pounded them until the perspiration
streamed down her face and her arms
ached with the exertion. As for the
meat, it is best not to say much regard
ing the appearance but it more strong
ly resembled poultice than anything
else.
While she was thus engaged the cat
family pet-had taken possession of
the remainder of the steak, and was en-
joying it to her feline hearts content, in
the shadow of the pickle jar.
"Scat, scat, you beast Shoe, scat,
there Shoe, I say cried Nell, drop
ping the mortar, and making at pussy
with the pestle elevated over her head.
The cat, to avoid the impending blow,
made sidelong spring, knocking down
shelf which held several vessels of
milk, and this shelf falling upon the egg
basket, smashed chosen dozen of as
good eggs as ever hen cackled over.
Nellie had quite a mind to sit down
in the midst of the ruin and indulge in a
good cry but she controlled herself, and
after mopping up the milk, to the great
detriment of her white garments, she
went out into the kitchen to see what
progress the fire was making. There
was not the least vestige of fire about
the premises, and poor Nellie was in
despair. Just then she spied boy 60
ing by, and called out
Here, boy, here! I'llgive you nine
pence to do little job for me-"
The boys eye glistened at the pros
pect, and he obeyed her call with alacrity
but, when she told him to make fire,
he laughed in her face. However, he
was capable lad-as Nellie thought
and ere long, by his skillful application
of kindlings, brisk fire was in progress.
The stipulated price was paid, and Nellie
considered it good bargain.
The pudding was in the oven, the
potatoes in the pot, the steak on the
gridiron upon the top of the stove
everything was en- tra5ne. By-and-by
the dripping from the fat began to smell
rather unpleasantly it filed the room
with smoke so dense and sitting that
poor Neilie's eyes grew red and fearful !;
Kissed, and turned black as q bears
skin. Nellie threw open the doors and
stuck to her task of turning the grid
iron, resolved in vulgar, though ex-
pressive, parlance "to grin and bear it. 1"
The pudding boiled over a continued
stream the potatoes bounced up and
down in the kettle like cookie shells in
stormy sea the steak groaned and
spit, and in the midst of it all the clock
struck three. Punctual to the hour,
Horace's step sounded in the entry, the
kitchen door was flung open with a
lovers impetuosity, and that individual
invaded the smoky room.
"Good gracious, Nellie is the house
on fire? Come here this moment, dar-
ling. What under the canopy ails your
face9 It's blacker than the ace of spades
begging your pardon for the compari-
son. Do look inte the glass, Nell!"
He wheeled her round toward the mir
ror, and surely the picture there pre-
sented was not the most attractive one
that q young husband might wish to look
upon. The ashes which had been evolved
from the stove through her unremitting
attempts to make q fire had settled on
her hair, until her head was as white as
that of an ancient militia captain, pow
dered for training day. One long curl
had dipped itself in the hot water, over
which she had been standing in vain
effort to scrub the stains from her clothes,
and it was Strengthened out as perpen-
hr,n I,s,. 49,
with water, down her back. To finish
the tout ensemble, streak of smut ex-
tended from her left temple across her
nose to her right cheek, and at sight of
the ridiculous figure sho made poor
Nellie burst into tears, This only made
matters worse; but Horace, like a true
hero, kissed away the tears, scot and all,
transferring by far the larger portion of
the latter substance to his own face.
Then he off coat, turned up sleeves, and
announced himself ready to assist about
the dinner. In this respect Horace was
jewel, and his wife blessed him for the
generous heart which prompted his ready
sympathy. But his abilities as q cook
were in no wise equal to his will. He
turned the steak, and lost half of it in
| blC IIC tuIOuBh tuC Otho Va buC
"set" the table with the cloth wrong
side out, the knives in the spoon-holder,
the butter in the preserve bowl, and
mistook the pudding dish for the mea,
plate.
The potatoes were fished out of the
pot, boiled to complete mash not one
particle was left upon another; an6
Horace, to his wife's dismay, insisted
upon straining potatoes and watel
through the dish-cloth, in the hope ol
saving the remains.
At last they sat down to dinner-ba
ker's bread, suspicious-l looking butter
meat, and pie from the confectioner's
The pudding was to answer for the des
sert.
rs there tea or coffee, dearest 2
asked Horace, looking obviously ovel
the table.
Goodness, il 1 didn't forget it
cried Nellie, springing up with sucl
force as to upset the castor, and send tn,
vinegar dancing to the floor. "Hoy
much tea will it take for us2"
81 don't know, I'm sure" said Hor
ace, slowly. "What does your cook
book say