The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1876-05-05
ODDS and Ends.

Sweet-meets-Two lovers folded
in esch others arms.
When is q man not a man? When
he makes goose of himself.
What letter of the alphabet, if
lost, would soon make you sick of
music2 The letter n.
A facetious reporter headed an
account of a full-dress party, L" Bare
Mention"
An apple would be g good sign
fer q clothier, for had it not been
for the apple where would the
clothes trade be?
You cannot turn q corner nova.
days in Philadelphia without rum
ming against q foreign Centennial
Commissioners.
A clergyman at Morrison, ILL.,,
has just thrashed an editor, and no
further sarcasm about true inward
ness is likely to be heard from that
quarter.
Young ladies who accept callers
should look out who they send to the
door. A Savannah belle didn't look
out, and her William concluded to
take the servant girl instead of the
belle. -.s-
A correspondent reports a cat
which, to gain admittance to the
house, raps at the door several
times with the joint of her hind
leg, and repeats the knocking if she
is not admitted
A new kind of door hinge has
been invented. Its popularity is
that the door not only shuts noise
lessly, but it hits the person who
left the door open q fierce blow on
the back.
At the oil region hotels, when 8
stranger is inclined to talk loud,
blow his own trumpet, and monop-
Olize the conversation at table, a
plate of cheese is sent to him, as a
polite invitation to "cheese it."
A Boston lady meant to faint
away as the train crossed suspen-
sion bridge, but she got to CRITICS.
ing another lady's bonnet and for
got all about the bridge. She faint
ed five miles this side of the bridge.
A Pennsylvania girl, worth $500,
600 says leap year be hanged. II
any man wants her and her money
he's got to come counting around
and hang over the gate and sing
something soft under her window.
A plate glass window in a store
at Springfield, Mass, was filled with
fine cracks, and had to be taken
down. Another was substituted and
shared the same fate. Investigation
provedthat the continuous slammine
of an adjacent door did it.
"Plase, sur, what's the fare from
Dublin to Glasgow? ?" inquired 8
son of the Emerald Isle one dav OF
the clerk of a shipping Office
eighteen shillings," replied the
other. can what dye charge for 8
pig or COW ?" ooh, Is Cd for q pig
and 3s for a cow" "Well," replied
Pat, shook NE for q pig"
Franklin, KY, Patriot: We no.
tice seventy-five cent shirts adver.
tised in our city exchanges. We
shall never insult our manhood by
getting into as cheap rag as that
No; rather let us continne to de.
ceive an unsuspecting public with 6
paper collar skillfully pinned to the
crater of close buttoned vest.
At Cincinnati, little girl, while
playing, stuck her tongue through
the crak of a door, when other child
rem suddenly closed the door, cut
ting two-thirds of her tongue com
pletly off. This is a very sad acct
dent, but the girls chances of Sc.
curing husband, when che grows
up, are greatly increased thereby.
The many scandals which havt
arisen in the mater of purchasing
text books for common schools havl
made such an Impression in Mime
sofa, that bill has passed the Stat.
Senate by q large majority, which
lproYides that such books shall b,
| printed by the State. Minnesot,
would doubtless find this q cost,
experiment. :
l. A scholar in a country school wa
asked, chow do parse Mary milk
the cow p" The last word was dis
posed of as follows: "Cow, noun
feminine gender, third person, ant
stands for Mary" Islands TO
Maryi How do you make tina
out ?" because" said the intefli
gent pupil, ''if the COW didn't stant
for Mary, how could she milk her I?