Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-09-29
WHOLE NO. BOB.
FACT AND FANCY.
| green is the fashionable color.

mother.
Out in the Black Hills region potatoes sell
for So per bushel.
Somebody happily says tho "parks are
lovely quotation from the country"
1t takes two million dollars to pay for the
buttons which this country imports annually.
That comes Of our having so many humor-
lists.
Quaint old Fuller says, such is the char
ity of some men, that they do not even owe
another person ill-will, for they pay the debt
on the instant.
Mother "Now, Gerty, be q good girl,
and give aunt Julia kiss, and say good
night" Gerty: "No, no. II L kiss her
she'll box my ears like she did papas last
night"
"Mamma," said young hopeful who,
against his will, was made TO rock the cradle
Of his baby brother, "If the Lord has any
more babies to give away don't you tako
EN-"
"Does our constant chatter disturb you %
asked one Of three talkative ladies of sober
looking fellow passenger. "No, ma'am I've
been married nigh on to thirty years." was
the reply.
For five years six new journals, on an
average have been started in America every
day but as old ones die out the actual in
crease during that time has not been much
over 1000.
A horse car conductor took his wife to
one of our fashionable churches one Sunday,
and her countenance presented curious
study upon hearing him ring his bell punch
when the contribution box was passed to
him.
The superiority of man to nature is con-
tinualy illustrated in literature and in life.
Nature needs an immense quantity of quills
to make goose with but man can make
goose Of himself in five minutes with one
quill.
A soldier on trial for habitual drunkenness
was addressed by the president of the court
martial: Prisoner, you have heard the pros
ecution for habitual drunkenness; what have
you to say in your defence2" Nothing please
your honor, but habitual thirst"
Little boys no longer rush into the kitchen
about eleven O'Clock in the morning, with the
words "Mother, give us a r apple m
hunk O. gingerbread" They wait until
school is over, meanwhile chewing slate PEN
ellis and the blank leaves of their "Rithma-
tics"
Philadelphia furniture dealers send econ
fidential" letters to the clergymen Of the city,
asking to be put upon the track of persons
who are soon to be married, or have been
recently. This is truly business enterprise.
Wonder how much commission the clergy
men charge
An old colored preacher was lecturing
youth Of his fold about the sin of dancing,
when the latter protested that the Bible
| plainly said, There is time to dance"
"Yes, dar am time to Dance" said the
dark divine, land it's when boy gets
whippin' for gwine to ball."
1t is related of Sydney Smith that once,
on entering drawing room in West.Eu
mansion, he found it lined with mirrors on
all sides. Finding himself reflected in every
direction, he said that he supposed he was d,
at meeting of the clergy, and there seemed
to be very respectable attendance"
Miss Henne of the opera troupe had quite
an ovation the other night rs she warbed
her lays at the academy. Brignoli, the
Nester OF the company was delighted to have
her chant clear note, and the manager
cackleated that she was the sue
cess OF the season and would pullet it
through.
A little miss, writing to her father on the
first day Of her entrance at boarding school,
says "The first evening we had prayers,
and then singing, and a passing round of
bread, which | did not take because, not
being confirmed, thought L had no right
to take communion. Afterward 1 learned
that had lost my supper"
Two neighbors had long and envenomed
litigation about a small spring. which they
both claimed. The judge, wearied out with
the case, at last said "What is the use in
making so much fuss about little water?"
"Your Honor will see the use of it," replied
one of the lawyers, "when inform you that
both the parties are milkmen."
He was timid fellow but fond of bor-
rowing John Phenix's jokes so when she
asked him how he felt, he averaged himself
accordingly to the Phenix plan Of being very
definite, and said he felt, "about lightweight
per cent" "Indeed," she said, with a de-
mure look, "are you never going to par?"
She got in her word that evening.
A small boy was so unfortunate as to re-
mark at the breakfast table, the other MORN
ing, "Oh, dear I'm SO sweaty," quite to the
horror of youthful aunt. Being reproved
for the use of so inelegant term, he replied,
"Oh yes know all about it. They talk
of horse as being sweaty. When its man
he 'perspires', but young ladies like you only
glow"
They were sitting together, he and she,
and he was arduously thinking what to say.
Finally he burst out In this land of noble
achievements and undying glory, why is it
that women do not come more to the front
why is it that they do not climb the ladder
Of fame? l suppose, said She it is all on
account Of their pull backs And then she
sighed aud he sighed, side by side.
Some one who has been searching history
announces that up to the Revolution no
American had ever exercised the Office of
general The highest field rank ever per-
mitted to colonist was colonel. In those
good old days" man might enter crowd.
ed bar room in the South and say: "Come
up, general, and take drink, )" without every
man In the room responding. 1t is different
now.
very modest young lady, who wanted
pair OF garters, addressed the shopman thus:
at is my desire to obtain pair of circular
elastic appendages, capable of being con-
tracted or expanded by means Of osclating
FURNISHED steel appliances, that sparkle like
particles of gold leaf set with Alaska dia-
monds, and which are utilized for retaining
in proper position the habiliments of tho
lower extremities which innate delicaey for
bids me TO mention"
A sister and her brother were occupying
the same bed, parents in an adjoining room.