The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-04-06

"n6ots Dcceuoo ooo - ooWotplu& 20
adore.
Elihu Burritt can drive . strange
dog on: of his hsuss in thrty.thrse
languages.
A Cincinnati pork-dcaler proposes
to furnish the world with his ought
to-buy-h biography.
A trust company 10 one which
trusts the money of one man into the
hands of another.
The extreme height Of misery 10 a
small boy with rubber boots, and no
mud or slush in reach.
A worn out parent in Chicago has
named his baby Macbeth, because he
hath murdered sleep.
An English woman advertises her.
self as oorn-cutter to The royal family.
She practices on "the light, fantastic
toe"
"What is the interior Of Africa
principally used for?' asked a teacher
OF pupil. "For purpose of ex. iora.
,ion," WAS the reply.
A crusty bachelor explains that the
reason woman puts her Suger in her
mouth when she thinks, is because
she canno, talk and think tor.
In Now Hampshire there is . mus
ket that has been heavily loaded with
buckshot for 200 years. The man that
loaded it went of .ome time ago.
A missing man Was lately advar-
tised for, and described as having
Roman nose. He won't be found.
Such nose as that will never turn
up.
Judge Reid, of the Charleston
Court, sent = South Carolina man to
Jail for thirty days for calling his
neighbor's daughter ga dack-legged
heifer.'
The State of Massachusetts 10 in
debt @l5,000,0 900 on account of the
Hoosao Tunnel, and is new adding to
this debt 81, 900 year on the same
account.
"Will this pipe smoke free ?" asked
a gentleman who was purchasing .
pipe. "Of course it will, il you can
get your tobacco for nothing" was
the reply.
"How much are those fearful bulbs
by the quartz" asked a maiden of 4
grocer. He stared At her = moment,
recovered himself, and said: "Them
inguns; 8 cents"
Some people regard it as singular
that man "who never played q
game of cards in his life because it's
wicked" will exact fifteen per cent.
interest from . widow.
"Now, Spriggins, my dear," said
Mrs. Spriggins, At the theatre during
the first intermission, "you needn't
60 cut to get any coffee for | have
got half pound in my pocket.
1t is said that in Chicago ladies
faint away in church in order that
other ladies may have chance to
Inspect their jewelry and make sure
that it did not come from the dollar
store.
We once asked the veteran pun.
s,er Cotlin why it is that Il certain
point on Mississippi was called Maid
ems Bluff, and he innocently answer.
ed: Because it's a vergln on the
| river"
A country girl coming from The
field, was told by her cousin that she
looked as fresh a. daisy kissed by
the dew. "Well, it wasn't any fel-
low by that name; but it was Sye
Jones that kissed me. told HIM
every one in town would fud it out"
They were seated At late dinner
when the door bell rang and the sar-
want handed = card to Lavender's
wife. "Why, good gracious, it's our
minister, and I've been eating onions"
she exclaimed. "Never mind" said
Lavender; "you needn't kiss him to-
day"
It was the opening remark of an
ebony evangelist to a congregation
Of his colorcd brethren. 'I.et all de
good niggers clear out. De Lawd
moves mo dis ebenin' to speak only
to de bad niggahs." And in three
minutes there wasn't "niggah" in
the meeting house.
"say, ma, wan. England the
mother Of this country" eyes, my
son, you ought to know that "Well
want George Washington it's faith
er?' "Why-y-ye., Of course. ;" swell,
ma, wot wanto inquire is "You
you 60 right out and split that
wood, George. or I'll inquire you"
The country sbopkeeper said:
"Here, my friend, those balls OF but
ter l bought Of you last week all
proved to be just three ounces short
Of pound" And the farmer inno-
Gently answered: "Well, l don't see
how that could be, for l used one Of
your pound bars Of soap for = weight"
"You mean slastics," replied
Broadway clerk to an old lady who
had asked for garters. II suppose
some high. nosed people call 'em
'las,ics," she said, shut when git