The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-10-12
What Smiths Boy Said.

What Smiths Boy Sald.
A family named Smith has recently
moved to Germantown,sand .Mr. Browns
boy, on Saturday, leaned over the fence
and gave to our reporter his impressions
Of Mr. Smiths boy, a lad about fourteen
years old: :,
"Yes, me and him are right acquainted
now; he knows more'n DO, and hes
had more experience. Bill says his
father used to be a robber (Smith, blythe
way, is deacon in the Presbyterian
church and very excellent lawyer and
he has S1O,OOOO0O i'll gold buried in his
cellar, along with whole lot of human
bones, people he's killed. And he says
his father is conjurer and that he makes
all the earthquakes that happen any.
where in the world. The old D'anll
come home at night, after there's been
an earthquake, all covered with sweat,
and so tired be kin hardly stand; Bill
says it's such hard work.
"And Bill tole me that once when a
man came around there trying to sell
lightning rods, his father got mad and
ct him, ct him right up, and he takes
bites out of everybody he comes acrost
"That's what Bill tells me. That's all
I know about it. And he tole me that
once he used to have dog, one of these
little kinds of dogs, gand he was flying
his kite, and just for fun he tied the kite
string onto his dogs tail. And then the
wind struck her and the dog bent boom
in down the street, with his hind legs in
the air for about mile, when the kite
all of a sudden began to 60 up, and In
about fifteen minutes the dog was fifteen
miles high, aud commanding! a view of
California, and. Egypt, and Oshkosh, l
think Bill said. He came down anyhow,
1 know, in Brazil, and Bill said he swum
home all the way in the Atlantic ocean,
and when he landed his legs were all
nibbled off by sharks.
~ wish father'd buy me dog, SOS |
could send him up that way. But l
never have no luck. Bill said that where
thew used to live he went out on the roof
one day to fly his kite, and he's sat on the
top of the chimbly to give her plenty OF
room. and while he was sitting there
thinking about nothing, the old man put
a keg Of powder down below in the fire
place to clean the SCOT out of the chimbly.
And when he touched her off Bill was
.blowed over agin the Baptist church
steeple, and he landed on the. Weather.
cock with his pants torn, and they
couldn't get him down for three days, so
be hung there, going round and round
with the wind, and he lived by eating
the crows that came and sat on him,
because they, thought he was made OF
sheet-iron and put up there on purpose.
E--s"H He's had moresfun than enough he.
was telling me the other day about
sausage-stnffer his brother invented. It
was a kinder machine that worked with
a treadle, and Bill said the way they did
in the failwas to fix it on the hogs back,
and then the hog'd work the treadle and
keep on running it up and down until
the machine cut the hog all up fine and
showed the meat into the skins. Bill
said his brother called it Every Hog Ills
Own Suffer- and it worked splendid.
But I don't know. Pears to mes II
there couldn't be no machine ike that.
But any way Bill said so.
"And he told me about an uncle OF his
in Australia who was ct by abig oyster
once, and when ne got inside he staid
there until he'd ct the oyster. Then he
split the she'll open and took half one
for boat, and he sailed along until he
met sea serpent, and he killed it and
drawed off it's skin, and when he got
home he sold it to an engine company
for hose for $40. 1000, to put out fires
with. Bill said that was actually so, be,
cause he could show me man who used
to belong to the engine company. 1|
wish father'd let me 60 and find sea
serpent like that but he don't let me have
no chance to distinguish myself:
"Bill was saying only yesterday that
the Indians caught him once and drove
eleven railroad spikes through his stom-
ach, and cut off his scalp, and it never
hurt him a bit. He got away by the
daughter of the chief sneaking him out
of the wigwam and lending him horse.
Bill SAYS she was in love with him, and
when asked him to let me see the holes
where they drove in them spikes, he said
he daresn't take off his clothes or he'd
bleed to death. He said his own father
didn't know it because Bill was afraid it
might worry the old man.
aAnd Bill tole me they wasn't going to
get him to 60 to Sunday-shool. He says
his father has brass idol that he keeps
in the garret, and Bill says he has made
up his mind to be pagan, and to begin
to go naked, and carry tomahawk and
bow and arrow as soon as the warm
weather comes. And to prove it to me
he says his father has this town all un-
derlaid with nitro-glycerine, and as soon
as he gets ready he's going to blow ", the
rip and demolish her. He said so at the
dam, and tole ME not to tell anybody,
but / thought they'd be no harm in men,
tioning it to you.
"And now L believe I must be going.
I hear Bill a whistling. Maybe he's
got something else to tell me."-MaT