The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-11-25
MIR. SMITHS BOY.
Els STARTLING STATEMENT CONCERNING
HIS FAMILY.

A family named Smith has recently
moved to Germantown, and Mr.. Browns
boy, on Saturday, leaned over the fence
and gave to our reporter his impressions
of Mr.. Smiths boy, lad about IA years
old:
eyes, me and him are right we'll &C
quainted now; he knows more'n | do, and
he's had more experience. Bill says his
father used to be robber, Smith, by the
way, is deacon in the Presbyterian church,
and very excellent lawyer, and that he
has ten million dollars in gold buried in
his cellar, along with a whole lot of human
bones, people he's killed. And he says his
father is a ceniurer, and that he makes all
the earthquakes that happen anywhere in
the world. The old man'll come home at
night, after there's been an earthquake, all
covered with sweat, and SO tired he kin
hardly stand. Bill says it's such hard work
"And Bill told me that once, when a
man come around there trying to sell
lightning rods, his father got mad and ct
him right up, and he takes bites out of
everybody he comes acrosst. That's what
Bill tells me. That's all know about it.
And he told me that once he used to have
a dog, one Of these little kind of dogs
and he was flying his kite, and just in fun
he tied the kite string onto his dogs tail
And then the wind struck her and his dog
n tbo r;tI, /
hind legs in the air for about mile, when
the kite of a sudden began to go up, and
in about a minute the dog was fifteen miles
high, and commanding view of Califor-
mia, and Egypt, and Oshkosh, l think Bill
said. He came down anyhow, / know, in
Brazil, and Bill said he swum home all the
way in the Atlantic ocean, and when he
landed his legs were all nibbled off by the
sharks.
81 wish father'd buy nae dog, SOS I
could send him up that way. But l never
have no luck. Bill said that where they
used to live he went out on the roof. one
day, to fly his kite, and he set on the top
of the chimbly to give her plenty of room,
and, while he was sitting there thinking
about nothing, the old man put key of
powder down below in the fire. place to
clean SCOT out off the chimbly. And when
he tuched her off, Bill was bowed over
against the Baptist church steeple, and he
landed on the weathercock, with his pants
torn, and they couldn't get him down for
three days, SO he hung there, goin' round and
round with the wind, and he lived by eating
the crows that came and sat on him, be-
cause they thought he was made of sheet
iron, and put up there on purpose.
" He's had more fun than enough. He
was telling me, the other day. about a
sausage-stuffer his brother invented. 1t
was kind er machine that worked with a
treadle; and Bill said the way they did in
the Fall was to fix it on the hogs back,
and connect the treadle with string. and
then the hog'd work the treadle and keep
on running it up and down until the ma
chine cut the hog all up fine and showed
the meat into the skins. Bill said his
brother called it EVERY Hog His Own
etutfer.', and it worked splendid. But
don't know. Pears to mes if there
couldn't be no machine like that. But
any way, Bill said so.
" And he told me about an uncle of his
out in Australia who was ct by big oys
ter once, and when he got inside he staid
there until he'd ct the oyster. Then he
split the shell open and took half a one
for boat, and he sailed along until he
met sea serpant, and he killed it and
drawed off its skin and when he got home
he sold it to an engine company for hose,
for forty thousand dollars, to put out fires
with. Bill said that was actually so, be-
q Sh
to belong to the engine company. | wish
father'd let me go out to find sea serpapt
like that; but he don't let me nave no
chance to distinguish myself
Bin was saying, only yesterday, that
the Indians caught him once and drove
eleven railroad spikes through his stom
ach, and cut off his scalp, and never hurt
him bit. He said he got away by the
daughter of the chief shaking him out of
the wigwam and lending him horse.
Bill says she was in love with him, and
when l asked him to let me see the holes
where they drove in them spikes, he said
he darsn't take off his clothes or he'd
bleed to death. He said his own father
didn't know it, because Bill was afraid it
might worry the old man.
" And Bill told me they wasn't poinr to
get him to go to Sunday school. He saws
his father has brass idol that he keens
in the garnet, and Bill says he's made up
his !nind to be pagan and begin to 90
naked, and carry tomahawk, and bow
and arrow, as soon as the warm weather
comes. And to prove it to me, he SAYS
his father has this town all underlaid with
nitro glycerine, and as soon as he gets
ready he's going to blow the old thing
out, and bust her up let her rip and de-
molish her. He said SO down at the dam.