The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-07-22
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

Rev. j. Griffin, Of Freeport, q Presbyterian cler
gyman. has introduced a new departure in ser
monizing, by getting up and delivering his ser
mons in rhyme. The next improvement vii
probably be TO set them to music and sing them
The Streator Monitor talks about n 81 pot ga
2elle." What kind Of an animal is that? Judg,
Cation had pair Of gazelles in his park from
Syria few years ago that went to pot-that is
they died--is that the kind?
Ifyou haye money to invest, don't put /, il
New York real estate. Prof Merriman state
that by q reversiOn in polar conditions, in lei
thousand years from now New York City will bt
two hundred and fifty feet under water. And ne
man could live two hundred and fifty feet under
water many weeks without catching o danger
Gus cold-Norristoirn Herald.
The Aurora Light Guards have been seized by
the war fever and want to 90 west and fight the
Indians. Meantime, to fit them for that kind OF
warfare, the Yecs suggests that they borrow
few tobacco signs TO practice on 1.-THE Siournfr
the boys get to practicing the better it will be-
for the Indians" adds the wicked Ne1rs
streator will soon become noted as a quiet, or.
derby town. Not an arrest vas made, and scarce
ly q drunken man was 10 be seen on the streets
during the day aud night OF the Fourth. Ottd
wa cannot say as much.-Streator Monitor.
OF course she can't, and don't want TO. What
sor: OF fourth OF July would that be, without
row or drunk? Are the boys to have no en-.
Joyments?
Col John w. Forney's Centennial editorial be.
gins thus: This is no common day, and We
tread on no profane soil. Rather let US uncover
our heads and take of our sandals" Rather than
whatS-CM. tribune. Rather than surrender
those e25OVp.
The Chicago Post says the ladies are getting
up slang Of their ewn. Xxi" means smart;
e. bin signifies "cheese IT,"
Grant and Beverldge are both in bad FIX. The
Springfield Journal declares that il is not re.
sponsbe for Grant, and the Young Mems Re-
publican Club has resolutely censured Gov
Beyerdge. They will next de disowning con.
Eress and the whole republican party. That is
about wha. the people have decided 20 do
During the recent tornado couple Of Penn.
sylysnia boys were up in cherry tree stealing
cherries The tornado carried of the cherry
tree, and neither the boys nor the tree have
been seen since. Moral: Never tell lie.
A Georgia man offers to pay a reward OF $500
for information which will lead TO the conviction
Of an individual who broke up the engagement |
between himself and his sweetheart.-EI. Most |
likely it was old Ienzlne, but we don't claim the
reward.
The Hessan fly is doing much damage in Iowa,
and heOkuk paper inquirlngly asks whence |
this new pest originated? Why everybody ought |
TO know that it was Washington who made the
Hessian tly.-Nao York Com. Adg.
A born chropoGist-The boy who is always at
q foot ~ his a. q IN Ry ln
rule we SUPPOSE the boy who is always at the
head Of his class is a born barber.-BOstoE Com.
Bu3ldiH Yes, you'll find just such little shayerS
in every school-Ne,c York Com. Aav.
Miss Phoebe Cousins has rejected Mr. Tildeu,"
says the Grdph.c. That is right. Grant is
wretched warning against Presidents having
Cousins.
The Chicago Journal repudiates Grant and Is
unwilling that the republican party shall be
held responsible for his acts. ave doubt very
much says the Journal, whether he himself is
responsible for his acts The hot weather has
apparently turned his brains into sour milk"
Sour mash, more likely.
Mr.. Frost, postmaster at Marshall, Illinois,
while under examination on a charge OF seduc.
ton, was also charged with robbing letters. And
now the prosecution is puzzled TO know wheth.
or to have HIM indicted for tampering with the
males or the females.
There is one consolation for the poor soldiers
lighting Indians out in Montana: they don't get
Killed of with half the rapldity with which pco.
pie are being killed OF at the centennial. Sew.
enty.seycn were taken from the exhibition
grounds TO the hospital in one day last week, Of |
whom more than half died.
correspondent OF the Chicago Tribune tele.
graphs from South Bend, Ind, the pleasing news
That Schuyler Colfax heartily indorses the Gin.
cInnatl ticket. That Is well. Let us hear now
from the rest OF the names that were on Cakes
Ames !bte book.-SL Louis RCD.
When they laid the corner stone for the new
court house at Dany!lle, H., last week, they put
4 bottle Of whisky and flask Of wine under II,
and now guard must be kept there 10 keep the
republican county officers from pulling the
stone up.
And Sheridan twenty miles away" sang Phil.
lip at an early hour one morning, holding the
baby closely and rocking pretty good time TO
the music. Just then Ike baby squaled, and
Phillip paused and neryoGsly remarked, looking
ferociously at the little hing: by Joyc, wish |
was"
The happiest paper in the United States is an
Indianapolis daily. 1t has but one want"
Seven members OF the Indiana whisky ring
have just been pardoned by the President. They
had been in the penitentiary about four months. |
Thus reform within the party goes Hrayely on.
We've always abhorred the yillaiuics 81 Nero.
despsed the treachery Of Catiline, and shudder. |
ed a. TIE treason Of Benedict Arnold, hut, bad as
al these were, their crimes fade into insiguif.
canoe beside that Of the ice-cart driver who
didn't come around en- Saturday evening.
It's evident that the Government means now
20 take the bun By the horn-;hat IL, "Sitt!ug
Bull by the Little Horn"
solemn procession Of bedbugs, fourteen
abreast, and making line mile and half In
length, fled out Of Castle Garden when the
flames began 10 get under full Roadway A mass
rneetfrf. oF fln sprvfvors ,r.s ,f,..,-..a- IA