The Van Buren press., 1876-09-19

How TO KEEP Your WlcE's LOVE -
Gale Forrest gives the following advic
in the last W Wcekly Times. She patctice
--morally--on the allopathic principle
ef "opposites. J"
Resolve firmly. from the start that yol
will never coax your wife to love YOU
as YOU would child with sugar. plums
In society, treat her--no, don't troa
her Mt all; pay her no attention, but de
: vote yourself with exclusive zeal to the
enterti tiiament of the young ladies pres
ent, and leave her to take cure OF herself
This course will not only win you their
respect and hers, but, undoubtedly, that
of the entire company-for only tools,
in these days, expect man to play lover
to his wife.
Should your wife receive a show of at
tentlon from some other masculine, be,
tonne fend of jealousy, at once, and
make her life miserable at home, by un.
just accusations, aud violent eXpostula
tlons against such unsecmly conduct IN
your wife Or, if you are different
sort OF man, act the part OF the dog in
the manger--nover take your wife any
where, yourself, nor allow her, if you can
help it (and hope you can't) to go WITH
any one else Snould her love not APP
pear to increase under such persuasive
treatment, be still more demonstrative-
catch up the carving knife occasionally,
and flourish it threateningy over her
shrinking head, or practice violent lay
II. on of hands upon her--nothing
more effective than man. S main strength
for holding woman's love.
Never give up single one Of you.
bachelor habits--smoke your dozen or
more cigars, every day 60 to your club I:
.-.s..s -II.IsSs rosso'u, you meet, Deion6 TO
q half dozen lodges, and coa.nue all
your other pet vices. and then never fail
to remark, as you hand your wife her
weekly which, of course you
have scrimped down to the last penny, as
becomes your manly generosity--that as
this rate or extravaganza on her part,
sou shall be ruined in less than year
and add. as you bring you. clcncned fist
in contac with the table in a way to
make your wife and the dishes shiver in
concert, Economy, madam, economy
is the rule and not the exception in this
house, hereafter if it hal not been.
heretofore.
Should she dare to demonstrate, ask
her in quelling tones, who earns the
money; and then triumphantly march
away to settle few of your own little
debts, and respond to call for charity
preferred by Beauty in "purple and fine
linen" You will doubtless leave your
wife medtating with swelling heart on
your exceeding magnanmity.
Make a practice of dragging your bu
siness into the house and worrying
about it morning, noon and night, but at
no other time, or, while you are at
home be deaf and dumb and blind to
your wife and family, sparing all your
brillancy for outsiders
Cultivate the charming habit Of prais
Ing, in glowing terms, the beauties and
virtues of other women, which you are
conscious are most strikingly different
from those possessed by your wife This
rule, faithfully carried out, will effect
wonders.
Never allow yourself to forget that
your wife's mother means your mother
in law, with all the name implies.
After wearing your wife's life out try.
ing, by these means, to keep her love,
discover that she is not your affinity"
and endeavor to impress the fact upon
her mind. This last resort never fails.
Upon earnestly trying it, you will have
her love, or its opposite, forever.