The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-12-27
Selected Paragraphs.

IussG d WOItdu CdlluOG TeSlSC, sue can
not help putting three hair.pins and
a spare shoelace into the first shaving
mug She sees. Women are better than
men in this respect.
When a. woman can feel mouse
crawling along her spinal column, and
yet stop to think whether she has on
striped stockings, before kneeling over
in a ct, she is at least qualified to en-
joy the elective franchise.
Scene at a Connecticut postofice:
Lady-''1s there letter for me!
Clerk - "NO'm." Lady -''Why -
Language fails the clerk, and the lady
goes off growing about SASSY clerks,''
and bowling for a change in the ad-
ministration.
Elder sister (wishipg to show Off her
small brothers accomplishments
now Jack, who was the first man 5?
Jack-Adam. Elder sister, Quite
right. And where did he live? Jack
(who has notions of his own about an
earthly paradise) 49, in the illogical
gardens.
Up in Glen Falls they are discuss
ing the question: ''In social gather.
ings, what amusements can be substi-
tuted for dancing and card-playing g.
Why, plenty! Trot in half a dozen
absent peoples regulations, for in
stance, and the evenings enjoyment
will be simply perfect.
Society journals mention that bridal
trips are becoming questionable. The
wedding generally takes place about i
~ ~ md <11 trSl
spends the balance Of the afternoon
figuring for a position at the dinner
table as far removed as possible from
the seat occupied by his mother-in-
law.
A circus rider falls in love with the
daughter Of the clown. s'Aye. charm
ing Azilda,'' be says, 81 will ask your
hand of the author of your being. Be-
hold he comes.' ''Nay, nay, not now,
Leopold. He is walking on his hands,
as is always the case when his mind
is preoccupied. You must await a
more favorable opportunity
"My daughter is the best brought
up young lady in Paris,'' said certain
belle to one of her friends. ''That as
tonishes me- replied the latter with
a little irony. "Why?" ''Because she
has been brought up in your house."
'sIndeed,'' replied the mother. Then,
with an air of scorn: s'But, thank
goodness, she never mixed with my
visitors.
Prof. V.-''Miss R.. suppose you
were to start and go northeast, where
would you fetch up2,'' Miss Rat
the north pole.'' Prof. V.-ssNow,
Mr.. R., suppose you were to start from
the north pole. after Miss r. had ar.
rived there, and go southwest, where
would you bring up!' Mr.. R.-s'Pro-
fessor, couldn't get away from the
p0le.''
She was fond Ct conundrums, and
when she learned that muller was Lat
in for woman, she thought she had a
good one. So she asked her husband
what was the difference between her,
self and a mule. And as he had been
married several years, he was TOO
thoughtful to trouble her by guessing,
but kindly remarked he had never
been able to see any.
People are never satisfied with things
as they are. Give them one and they
ask for two give them two and they
wonder why you didn't give them
three. They are like the boy who
thought he could improve the Lords
prayer by making it read, ''Cive us
this day our daily bread-and butter,
with little cake and some apples for
DESERT
DR.. Mary Walker got up the other
morning in a thoughtful, dreamy
mood, her mind dwelling on reminis-
cencies of the happy by.gone days,
and in an absent manner she tried to
put her pantaloons on over her head,
and she worked herself into a fit of
passion and vexation before she recov-
cred herself and saw what the matter
was. Then she sat down on the side
of the bed with the legs Of those navy
blue breeches dangling around her
fair neck and cried like woman FOR
half an hour.
A Memphis Sundy.school teacher
was undertaking to acquaint {a9 bright
little four-year older with the mystery
of her creation. 'sWho made you?
'Dod,'' quickly replied the cherub,
"What did He make you out of T. con-
tinued the teacher. sYoses and vi'lets,'
lisped the sunbeam. The teacher
said: ''Oh no.. little girl He made you
of the dust Of the earth.'' The limo.
cent meditated one moment, then
looked up and, shaking her finger i'm
dressively, said: II DIES don believe
you, tause when get in my BAT tub
why don't tome to pieces den?''
They tell a new story over in Peoria
about Col. Ingersoll, which runs in
this wise: kDuring the' campaigning
tour down east the colonel one SUNDAY