davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27
CuRRAx's IYaExuIrY.-A farmer at.

CURRAx's INaENuITY.-Af farmer at
tending a fair with hundred pounds
in his pocket, took the precaution OF
depositing the money in the hands oi
the proprietor of the public house at
which he stopped. Having occasion
for it shortly afterwards, he resorted
to mine host for payment. But the
landlord, too deep for the countryman,
wondered what he meant, and was quite
sure no such sum had ever been lodged
in his hands by the astonished rustic
After Intellectual appeals to the re.
collection, and finally to the honor oi
Bardolph. the farmer applied to Cur.
ran, for advice.
Have patience my friend" said the
counsel; speak to the landlord civilly
tell him you have left your money
with some other person. Take friend
with you, and lodge with him another
hundred in the presence of your friend
and come to me-"
J. He did SO, aud returned to his lega
friend.
"And now can't see how I am 60
ing to be any better off for this, If
get my second hundred back again
But how is that to be done I"
Go ask him for it when he is alone,
said the counsel.
Ave, sir, asking won't do am afraid
without my witness, at any rate
Never mind; take my advice said
the counsel: do as bid you and return
to me-
The farmer returned with his hun
dred glad to find that safely in his pos
session.
Now, sir, I must be content, but
don't see that I am much better off,
well, them said the counsel, NOV
take your friend along with you, ans
ask the landlord for the hundred
pounds your friend saw you leave will
him.
/ We need not add that the willy land
lord found be had been taken of hi
guard, While our honest friend re.urnea
to thank his counsel exultingly will
both hundred in his pocket.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

MUSCLE AGAINST BRAIN.-When
Jackson was moving on to strike Nc
Clellan's flank on the Chickahominy,
he came to stream that had no bridge,
and couldn't be crossed without one.
The General had brought with him
from the Valley, a rough uneducated
man; full of energy who had served him
in emergencies, and in whom be had
the utmost confidence. He called bis
man and told him that the stream must
be bridged immediately; the regular
engineers were advised Of the fact. In
a short time the rough carpenter and
the polished men of science were at the
stream, the former had his plan, the
latter theirs; he wished to 60 to work
at once without drawings, but they OBJ
jected until they corld perfect the plans
on paper. The engineers retired to
their tent to perfect n paper bridge;
the carpenter took his men and went
to work to make real one. In n yery
short time he appeared at the Generals
tent and reported briefly, thus: Gen
eral that bridge is done, but them pic.
lures amt come yet"
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

A CASTOR on SroKY.-A mother
had her mind made up for two or three
days that the boy needed some castor
oil, but she knew that she must ap-
proach him gently. She placed the bot
tie where he could see it, and when he
turned up his nose she said: Its Just
like honey, my darling He seemed to
doubt her word and she continued -
If you'll take some I'll let you go to the
circus How much = he cautiously
inquired. oh, only a spoonful-just
one spoonful she replied as she un-
corked the bottle. And you'll give me
some sugar besides ? be asked. OF
course l villa big lump! He waited
until she began pouring from the bot
tie, and then asked And you'll give
me Ten cents, too! Yes, of course
And you'll buy INC shoe fly kite 2 he
wont on, seeing his advantage Il guess
So No kite, no ile,' he said, as he
drew back. well. I'll buy you the
kite she replied, filling the spoon clear
up. And a velocipede - I'll think Of
it, You can't think no castor oil down
t1e Ht cAflsaiLbcu. itOhiuS lOt HE uut.
Here, I will, or I'll tease father TO,
and know he will. Come, now, swal.
low it down And you'll buy me q
goat 2 Yes And two hundred mar
bles 2 Yes. Now take it right down
And coach dogI' Il can't promise
that 'All right; no dog, no ile.'-
well, I'll ask your father And you'll
buy me ponyi' oh, l couldd't do
that. Now be good boy, and swallow
it down oh, yes, I'll swallow that
stuff, will = he said, as he clapped on
his hat. You may fool some other boy
with circus ticket and alump of brown
sugar, but it'll take hundred dollar
pony to trot that caster lie down my
throat!' And he went out TO see If the
neighbor's cat had been caught in the
steel trap be set for her.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

THE VALUE OF EpUcATIoS.-Jake
was heard calling across the fence to his
neighbor's son. n colored youth who goes
20 school at the Atlanta colored uuiver-
si,y:
Look hyar, boy, you goes ter school,
don't you?,
Yes SIR replied the boy.
'Gittin' eddykashun, amt yer!'
Yes, sir
Larnin, 'rithmetick an 6ggerin' on .
slate, eh! Z
Yes, sir
We'll, it don't take two whole days to
make a hour, do it?
WV no = exclaimed the boy.
You was gwine ter bring dat hatch
ct back in hour, warn't yer!'
Yes. sir.
AN it's bin two days sence yer bor-
rowed it. Now, what goods eddyka-
shun gwine to do YOU thick-skulled
niggars when yer GO to school whole
wear an den can't tell how long it takes
To fotch back hatchet 2
The boy got mad and s!ung the hatch
ct over the fence and half way through
an ash barrel.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

An AWFUL FAfE.-His name was
Hippodam. His uncle left him some
money, and he started in the grocery
and provision business. The canvas.
sers came around there from the news
papers and said be had the best local.
ity in town. the incest stock, and all
that and then went banging at him for
IN advertisement He had read in the
papers that John Jacob Astor, A. T.
Stewart, John Smith, Daniel Pratt, and
hosts Of others had once been poor, and
had made their start by advertising.
He believed il all, dough head that be
was, and he advertised four squares in
the Badger, half q column in the Moon.
shine, and slipped a five-dollar bill to the
reporters and told them to say good
word for him.
IL srsposkers did, and when people
saw from the advertisement that Hippo
fam had started into business with a
fresh, large stock, they rushed for his
store. Then his troubles commenced.
He had to hire an extra clerk and cash
boy. He couldn't find time to sit down
on . candle box, thrust his feet upon
the stove and gossip about politics and
the rascality of Belknap Every day or
two be had % write or telegraph for
new goods, ordering more coffee, tea.
sugar, or spices, and when the goods
came he had to open them and retail
them out.
As day after day went by people be-
gan to notice that Hippoham was grow
ing thin and pale. He looked care-worn
and harassed, as if driven. He kept
advertising and people kept patronizing
him. Other grocers could get time to
60 off on excursions, and to sit down for
hours at a time aud play checkers and
dominoes, but Hippofam could not get
an hour to himself, except time to sleep.
BY and BY he had to open an account
with vet another bank, get more clerks;
and cash-boys; and it came about that
he kept a carriage, built a fine house,
wore broad cloth and was elected mayor
of the town.
OF course a man couldn't go on in
this way many years without breaking
down in eAlth, and the day came at
last thse hppofiam had the dyspepsia,
rheumatism and several other COM
plants. The shadow of death hung
over him, while the grocers that hadn't,
advertised at all grew fat and portly
and had double chins on 'em. They
had time to 60 fishing, were never tired
out looking over their bank accounts,
and it wasn't once year that they had
to order any thing more than box Of her.
rings.
Broken down in health, feeling mad
at all the world, and finding himself a
victim of the newspapers, Hippofiam
one day drew all his money out Of the
bank, passed it over to a lunatic asylum,
set his store on FIRE, blew up his man.
sion with a keg of powder. and then
hanged himself to a peach tree in the
backyard.
The coroner cut him down, the jury
sat upon him, and the verdict was: Adver-
tising killed him, and we hereby warn
all business men to let his fate be an
awful example against patroniziug news
papers.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

ARfEMus WARD's Frnsr ARrrcL1.-
One evening ex-G Governor Riley favored
the Friday Night Club with his pres.
ence. We had been talking Of the days
of yore, when Henry Clay was king of
the Bohemians and in his glory-whea
those brilliant and erratic spirts were
wont to frequent Charley Piazza A
the Governor entered Oscanyan Vas re-
hting IN anecdote Of Artemus Ward
Whose face was quite familiar and
always quite welcome 1t the Long IT,
bic.
II suppose can tell you . story Of
Artemns which never has been circuls-
ted, as seldom have told Il, said tho
governor. Well, many yeaxs aeoI was
editor of a paper in Toledo. In thoss
days We had to get up carly In tbs
morning Il We wanted . Rrst cut at The
bntcheFs, and one suudmer nosuine =
! was hurrying down-a little hte-I
passed tall, seedy looking chap
Shortly after heard some one cry out,
Hold on, mister! and, looking around,
/ discovered him approaching by long
strides. I stopped, wondering what he
could want of me.
Look here, mister said be, when he
had overtaken me, can YOU inform me
where might get good square meal
for twenty-five cents 2
/ directed him to quarter Of the
town where cheap hash founderies were
located and FASTENED on. ! bad not
gone far, however, when I heard some
one again calling after me. II was the
same fellow. Excuse me, said he, but
as you were kind enough TO tell me
where might ge. good square meal
for twenty five cents, I thought per.
haps you would be able to tell me where
/ could get the twenty-five cents
Considerably amused, l questioned
him and learned be was n journeyman
printer, and that he had tramped up
from Indiana. l gave him work at our
Office ut a salary of five or six dollars .
week, which was not bad wages at that
time.
One of his duties was to bring proof
to me and wait while looked it over.
One day was delayed longer than US
ual, and when | returned the sheets to
him he handed me piece of paper upon
which, it seems, he had been scribbling
while waiting. l glanced at it end
found it quite amusing.
Set it up, said /, and that, believe,
was the first article of Artemus Wards
that ever appeared in print.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

g A lady kept an Indiana car wait
ing two minutes the other morning.
She wished to kiss another lady good
bye before she got of. The driver,
thinking she bad got off, whipped up
as she had got on the step; the conse-
quence was that she fell violently on
her face. If ever kiss anybody
again ~ said she vengefully, as she
arose, any woman, at least, she thought
fully added.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

e~s =,
49, : oI !. ss,. smith
/ -. " eu'u Ae YOU
i wh.h-... a.....-r,,..
"A smith !, .cr,~ - 1
- us ~ soae ssAE.
~ - so.e around 20 take
- 1se : 1un 1s cor
-, I.S..:r:.."Es s uuEO'eTss ma.
~,s .0s.lns on you. : 'nougn'
for - =. = 49, ...s. ~ - .na se'''e 'ne sninR
Tbs. c..;.h -. ..a-
.shs- - | - IS ~. ."0 ~. - .oe
seH. aI,.. . M in.s.;s 49, .hc 5u ,..a k.s = hI I'M.
ont of ths s.v,rm u.,m In - I =
halo or mi. 7 mns. hnma, h;n =
aYon c.r ch... -o,,- -. -. -,
know. It's immafer;ai to me soms
~ o,,e - - .a.,. n. sss.S
- - ~. - :. ..sua;.S .s>s.' -
do Won prefer p"
"I'd rather mot die at ii /" .a;a Smith
in desna;r N ~'''
"But you've oot 70 a;e of .orrs. "
said Gum: .tbat's a thing there's no
cho;oa .ho,,. AnI ~
death easy for xou. to o MAKE AZ ,"u 20 '"ssJ fss1
happy as yon 90 off Nov vh;ch nlan
viii Won taIe 81 ~
.Couldr,, ro ..:. .,
morro~ a. a. ,p - ~. .m .;.a. -. =.
tb;nt p.' s' '"' "
"No. I nrefer 70 take rou IN tho .no.
T m;obt az wo,l A. :. 60 =. r..
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27
ETwo sons of EriY

g. Two sons of Erin, shoveling dirt
on a hot day. STOPPED to rest, and ex-
changed views on the labor question.
Pat, this is mighty hard work we're at
1t is, indade, Jimmy; bat what kind Of
work is it you'd like if We could get it !!
WELL said the other, leaning refiec-
lively upon his shovel and wiping the
perspiration with the back of his hand,
for a nice easy, clane business, I think
/ would like to be bishop
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

SWhy don't men swear -hen
they are alone 2 asks DR.. Talmage.-
Did DIR. Talmage ever Law around the
fence corners and see q lone farmer
pick up bumbls-bee What did that
farmer say:
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27
ST. MARY'S BEACON
- puslnBRp svERY fHu sspAr ~
j. +. KING & r. +. YATES.

Terms OF SUBSCRIPTIONS .-$2 90 per annum.
No subscription will he received for . shorter
period than six months and no paper 10 be
discontinued urfii aH asrseraees are paid ex.
cspi at the option Of the Publishers.
4 IEEks oS AbvkKTisise III crnts per square
eor tte bret insertion. and Do eeuts for every
eebseVurnt. ibsef.iop. light lines or lees ol
efevier type constitute . square. IL ste rum
Der Of insertions be net marked on The sdvsr-
usement, IL will be published until forbid,
and charged seeordiniy. A liberal deduction
made 10 those no ad ses,ise by the year.
eommuBfcmsions Of . pessseaI character will
Ss charged. a. The same rates as .d "a;
I'd at the sste Of 50e eenss peg sga6r9.
All Communications Tor publication tB6st be
accompanied with the real name OF The author
or no attention will he paid 10 them.
Her,af,er The cash must accompany all an
nouncement for public Office.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27
-An old LADY valL;nc

SAn old lady walking out with her
two grown daughters on a ,noonligh.
night, displayed her knowledge of as
tronomy by pointing heavensard and
exclaiming: oh my dears, do look at
them beautiful stars-Juniper and
March!
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

A yo1ng lady writing On the subject
of kissing says: Il should quite a.
lief have . good kiss as n new cash-
mere" And we would quite as lief
il not Esf,r-give IL to her.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

SI never complained of my con-
dition but once, said an old man, when
my feet were bare and had no money
to buy shoes; but l met man wi,hou,
feet, and became contented.'
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

The four pedestrians continued then
tramp. At the junction one Of them
turned away. Where they went no
one can guess now. The other two
kept on, their faces turned southwark.
When they had arrived at the corner Of
Twelfth and Main streets they paused
in the shadow of church spire, and be
said:
"Whose valentine are you ?"
And she put her head on the lapel
of his coat and said in low, sweet way,
"Yours."
He didn't say anything for q minute,
and then, when the minute had van
isbed he did. He said:
''Come to the masquerade next week.
Look for the Heathen Chinee. Twill
be that one"
And she said, 81 will be the peasant
girl, coming through the rye"
And he said, wont it be nice ?"
And she said, 81 hope So"
And he asked her again, saying,
"Whose valentine are you?"
And she said, 81 am your valen-
tine"
She never got any further with her
sentence. She went away as if she had
been hurt. He put both Of his hands
up to his eyes and wiped the contents
of three or four egg-shells out of his
eyes, and combed his hair with his
hands. Then when he looked around
he was alone. He walked off as though
miracle had been performed, and
looked around the corner to see if he
could see anybody he ever saw before.
Then he went down town to the river
and washed his face. Then he went
up town and took drink. Then he
tried to persuade himself it was all q
dream. Then he went home cautious
ly, and when he got at the gate he
whistled to wake up the dog, to make
sure he was at the right place. The
dog wagged his tail and the master
went in. He kissed his own babes as
they lay in repose with the angel smile
upon them. He looked around to see
if his wife was asleep, and she was, SO
far as he could see. Then he warmed
his toes, disrobed, and crawled silent
ly into bed SO as not to disturb the
partner Of his joys. Just as he was
going to sleep he put his hand eau
tiously over her side of the bed to sat
isfy himself she was there. She never
moved. That's all right" he NUT
tered to himself, and Strengthened out.
Then she got up, quietly. She went
into the pantry and came back. She
had something in basket. She turned
up the light. He turned up his face, and
she hit him between the eyes with anegg
He put his arm up and said, 'Dearie, what
it the matterI' And she turned up the
light little more, and threw another
one. 1t caromed on his nose. He
lodged under the cover and held it
down. She went to the foot of the
bed, lifted it up, and "biff" went anoth.
er egg. He jumped out of bed, and
said, why darling, what on earth"
Then she put her hands on her hips,
and looking him in the face, said, with
emphasis on the first word, "Whose
valentine are you, any how ?"
He sat up the remainder of the night,
rocking the children. He knows who
threw the eggs at the corner of 18th
and Main street. Aud he won't go to
the masquerade, either.
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

Quills are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

4
eolored people have Their own chapel,
eai!ed St: Angust.nes cnurcn. To this
race, % iond OF hight and music and
eoiof, sne ceremoniai OF the Cathoiic
cnurcn appeals very strongly Their
emotions hnd gratihcafion. yet they are
restrained ana every month many new
converts are oaPtised: TINS fact a.
sumes . pohticai ngnincance OF great
lmpor.ance "nen We consider now DO
E1n S,ie a.I 'nese people, .no nov eagerly
Insy iosio. oe.snlP .n,cn mas once
gAine1 .eeir s.ect'ons. Inc missions
na s.'aIi's Ial VI me xa'n"1 caulcnes
a.. o. ..s a. ~ IA 80: s'.
- . .1I ,'. 1 esu = ol.-
3 !: - y0u .st; Dusyou us' son
~ 80 1esoslo1 = T. ~ :
In p...:s.. r.. -.,:-
.n;...;n.i. ~. VI
st-"1 ~ ): ~ 90! P,oe"s P%on ATnons
- e ~. ! o. =" L.su'
s~n -.'' VOC pu' Hwo. Aeu-
go. anu gwen " 'ue eu",Sn win Tue
euilo"s Pro.iso Ihat snoelu ulssens'ohs
e.a, .~e1 in.D'''ns .I sne u'susai s LIS =. = pas
~. vi" a"u AZ '"e 'aeau'! ta y, .ao Pu,p'. 'oI "
' '"1 PiopsfC Snouro ,e'er' /" MS
ne" Last .ay ~, lAer was 3is-
nissea' since 'nen 'ne congregat"n 8 mas
oesn served oy cano'ea'es TIL IL was
"sn nsu iiI iIpo'Slo'e iof na nue." 70 Know
"n.. ''ey o.u want Inc year was
raP,aiy erawine 70 ciese' ana iast
week a iormai can was eAtehded 10
nassacnuse''s - cie,gy uiah' tncuen may
Q, tne people "ouid nave preferred hev.
Matthew 'assar' nephew ana namesake
ol 'Ge man whose money iouhoeo vas
sar ~, Soiiege:
1he Chr's'iah baptists or Discipies
nave only one smaii churcn' out several
distinguished people are among It's COM
municah's. zen. "arneid' the popular
ana eioquent congressman from Onio,
was 1ormerly . mlnister o! tnat 1aite'
Ne" "''A ~" Pie''' "he
Is -, u,'eE seen .nere:
Inc Onitarians nave sanctuary on
Il street where WISE men from the East
are won, 70 gauner. ~, bostonions driitthere
ha.u'a. Anen tue Iu'nefahs come
WIN .ne'l ue'o"' cro"us. the 1uakers
nave two places OF worship ana the I'm
iversa'is1s SIS are FORMING society IN TAI,
maee nan. AT the Consresa'ionai
Ghurch many New Ehsanders are round,
r postmaster 'ews'l Win ms lamliy;
4e'S'o' C DaTes' Mi T,os.' o pos'oh'
nn"'oi vu.eioy' ". LA-oPeaser Diaihe
anu AM Senator "ihuom nrom M,nhesota.
III i'aah" rs tue wen "e'oseo pastor
.s c"e cPiSoop'''aS %. 'onh
oee'e , o"''ueieu e"sny no,e
a'is.oc'a,'c 'sa1 any other. he oui'u-
ing Is oio ana shaooy' put It's very age
makes IL more sacred IL the thought OF
tnose VINO worship 'here. secretary
isn comes mere win DIS iamiiy. NO
iady IN washington Is more ready IN
ever! s'oo "oro anu "ork than Mrs.
'sn' "no'.' we al rove "nu admire WIN
oeeree oi enthusiasm rarely INSPIRED
os a woman among Women ana l nave
never seen ner looking SO sereheiy ten
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

II is said that the three hardest words
Of the English language to pronounce
eonsecutivelv, are, II was mistaken"
Saint Mary's beacon. [volume] (Leonard Town, Md.) 1867-1983, 1876-04-27

II was night-Tussdnl /
Valentines day, (says - ]
Tisses) and the nigkt vim
the dust ON the streets, =
in the faces Of four predest1
four were divided into two I
each couple consisted of G.
one female. They walked
rapidly, commencing the1
the corner Of Fifth and
and striking . bee line tow
Tho11wo men were marie
had left their homes IA hc
attend . meeting Of their
their uives remained at n
the problem ss to how t.
the family mjnht
New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-05-20
BUSINESS STAND AND WELLIEGS.
CORNER PROP ERTY.
BAROENE, FELICITY ROAD AND POLfMS1A
STREETS.
SUCCESSION OF RICHARD AND DELLA KEENAN,.
ON PETITION OF RICHARD P. KEENAN,, FOR
PARTITION.
Second District Court for the Parish of Dreams
No. so 078.

NY BOEY & O,CONNOR-NICHOLAs };
II Hoey AuctiOneer-Ohace No. Is Commercial
nlace.-SATURDAY June 3, 1876, at twelve O'Clock
NJ at the Merchants and Auctieneers' kxchange,
IN ROYAL street. between Canal and CustOmhouse
streets. by virtue of the j. dgment in partition
seventeenth April. 1876, and signed ON the twenty
second April, 1876, will be sold by public auctloH
the following valuable real estate, to wit
l. CERTAIN POkTiON OF GROUND, IN the
First District of this city. in me square bounced
nv .rOnne Carond elet ana Pylym MA streets anC
Felicity road, measuring 80 feet front on Baronne
At EFT by SO feet inches lines IN depth, between
and Polvmnia streets. The improvements com-
N ise a double two story frame building
Q. CERTAIN PORTION OF GROUND, IN the
same district and square, and adjoining the fore-
going measures % fee inches front On Baronne
street 81 feet inches ia width in the rear Dy ~
feet inches lines in dspth on the line adjoining
the property firstly described, and 81 feet ,
forms the corner of BarOnne street ard Eel CITY
road. The Improvements comprise large Two
story frame building, the cerner ground noor oe-
signed and we'll adapted for business
Terms of Sale-One third cash, and the remainder
at one AID two years credit with interest OF e1gnt
mr. cent Der annum from date OF sale uutii
I'll final payment in notes of the pirchasers to be
cured by special mOrtg sge and vendors nen ana
privilege GA the property sold. with penal clause
of five per cent attorneys fees in event OF sult
to enforce payment lmpro vements TO Do Kept
fully insured aud policies transferred TO the
holder of the notes I'd purch asers to assume pay
ment OF all taxes on said property due ana paya
BILE in 1871 ~
Acts of sale ut the expense of the purchasers be-
fore william Castell, Eco, notary pubic.
ann mx6 20 2. ie3