Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1876-08-09
VARIETY AND HUMoR.
-Irreligious sects-Insects.


An em-bossing machine-the fore.
man OF, q composing room.
The rural moving machine is har-
vesting large crop of legs.
The early risers nowadays are the
thermometer and the house-hy.
Every word ought to be spelt as it
is pronounced. Yet this spell Of
weather is pronounced intolerable.
A modern essay1st defines "gos-
sip" to be the putting of two and
two together and making five of
them"
The individual who called tight
boots comfortable defended his position
by saying they made man forget all
his other miserieS.
An exchange ponders on the East
ern troubles, and fucidly remarks:
Turkey is redeemed. AT least, tho
Sultan took it from his Uncle
There is something wonderfully
great and impressive about the roar of
thunder, until you discover it has
soured the last half-pint of milk in the
house.
These are the times whom canary
birds get loose, and the man of the
house scratches up his legs climbing
from limb to limb and tree to tree aft
er the nimble pet.
Because an oyster knows when to
shut its mouth, there is no occasion to
brag about its advantage over woman.
Ii woman S mouth were as big as an
oysters, she'd shut hers too.
They caught a fellow in Philadel-
phia the other day who said he wanted
to sign the Declaration of Independ-
ence. 1t was midnight, and he had a
burglars Jimmy for a pen.
Lessons on the piano are now adj
vertised at twenty-five cents each in
New York 1t is believed that this
will quite depopulate the city of every
body but music teachers and pupils.
There is lady, the widow of
Pacific coast millionaire, residing at
one of the leading Chicago hotels,
whose extras each week amount
to over 500. And yet the people
think the times hard.
In the present depressed condition
of trade, it will ease many an over
burdened heart to know upon the au-
thority of those whose words cannot
be disputed, that ''real lace is becom-
ing fashionable again.
-" Excuse this bit of sarcasm"
said Smith to Jones. but | must say
that you are an infamous liar and
scoundrel." pardon this bit Of
irony" said Jones to Smith, us he
cd Ia Ia
Nov that the astronomers have
explained to us that the present torrid-
ity Is caused by 1.-the earth moving
through an immense meteoric atmoS-
phere," we can stand it, 1t was the
uncertainty which made is SO uncom-
tortaWe.
A man who had been wounded in
a railroad accident was denied admis-
sion to a hotel at Oakland, Cal, be-
cause he might keep the boarders
awake, and in the morning the board
erS all left because he had not been
cared for.
You must cultivate decision of
character, and learn to say No.,
said a father to his son. Soon after
ward, when the father told the son to
chop wood, the boy said "No" with an
emphasis that showed a remembrance
of the lesson.
The Philadelphia Press wants to
know why the Fathers spelt "Brittish"
thus in the original draft Of the Decla-
ration of independence. Perhaps two
is them? Or TO sarcastically remind
them of other that might proftably
be thrown overheard?
Max Adeler gets off the following
Terrg-itic pun: 1--WE hope soon to hear
that Terry has given Sitting Bull a
Terry-Bull tMrashing. If Terry kills
half the Sioux and routs the other half
the burying ground might be SiouX-ta-
bly, called a Semi-TeTTy."
A brave young man in aneighbor-
ing town got periodically intoxicated
the other night, and while in that con-
dition resolved to avenge Clusters
death-and next morning not one
sound wooden Indian could be found
III the place. -NoryistO10n Herald.
1t is related of Sidney Smith that
once, on entering drawing-room OF
West End mansion, he found it lined
with mirrors on all sides Finding
himself reflected in every direction,
he said he supposed he was at a
meeting of the clergy. and there seemed
to be very respectable attendance.
Mosquito bars are very useful
things If You only understand how to
manage them. Put up the bar and get
inside. In half an hour every mos
quito in the room will be inside with
you. Gather the bottom of the bar to-
gether carefully and plunge the whole
thing into the bathtub. Continue this