Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-03-08

Hun0s0CA
A GOOD STORY Il told ofs gentleman
well known In town In connection Win
. late visit Of his to q drug store. Inc
eentieman's name Ii Carr. There are
several Cars In the city, however, ana
the Riven name Of the particular one
win not be revealed In this Item fOr
worlds, This Carr wanted some medi-
cine for his family the other night after
twelve o'clock, and visited drug store
to obtain 1t. The drug store was closed,
and he rang the bell vigorously. Inc
druRgist at once put his head out OF an
upper window and inquired, sleepiiy !:
sHbo's there ?" ''Mr. Carr" responded
the gentleman at the bell. "Missed .
car!5 Well, what's that to me, con,
found you? Stop ringing that bell and
10 about your business, mani" Down
went the window and the Druggist was
lost TO sight. The discounted Mr.. Carr
was lost In amazement for time, but
finally seized the bell and rang 1t fran
tically. The drugyist's head appeared
At the window again. He was wide
avake this time. Swho's there, now?"
s.Mr. Carr, tell your" "Who cares If
YOU havef Get out of that, quick: II
you're drunk and have missed car.
It's your own lookout. Don't t'~h
that bell again!'. "But, tell y U, y.
idiot. I'm Mr.-Carri" ..Oi,, lord !!
Why didn't you say 30 befOr, ?" The
window went down again, and 1. e
druggist soon appeared at the door to
explain volubl, that he'd supposed he'd
been aroused by some drunken fellow
who wanted sympathy. Possibly hr
gave Mr.. Carr something to paciiy him.
Druggists, keep pacifcstors on draught.
FIRST Glass IN GEo0RAPHY.-Thee ex-
aminer, Mr.. w., commenced "Ebenezer,
what il geography"
"a book from which the teacher axes
questions, and then keeps q feller an
hour after school,"
"whst causes day and nightf"
"The daily or internal evolution Of
the axle-tree."
"How many revolutions has the
earth ?"
."rwo-'Meri,.an AMI French; but
the 'Merican Is the biggest, cause IL
made Fourth Of July, fire-crackers,
black eyes, and q week out OF school"
George Washington, can you tell me
where the Ionian Islands arer"
"Dunno, sab; never seed the Onion
Islands,"
They're In your book"
"ln my bookf"
eyes, and belong to Great Britain"
"B'long to Great Britain! then
they're not In my book, for there's
muffin In my book, sab, but what b'longs
to me-"
"Aoses, what term Is used to express
anything without endf"
"Thfrd term, SIR"
WORSE THAN KILLED.-A private in
one OF the Irish regiments engaged in
the dreadful battle of Salamanca, cried
out during the hottest part of the ac-
ton.
"Oh, murdher, murdheri I'm kilt
intirely"
care you wounded? inquired An
officer near him.
"wounded, Is 1t, yer honor?" replied
the gallant Emeralder, "be jabers' I'm
worse than killed out and out; wasn't ]
waiting for the last quarter of an hour
for a pull at Jem Murphy's pipe, and
there now it's shot out Of his mouth"
The other day Vicksburg father,
finding IL necessary to reproye his son,
gently said: Don't stuff victuals into
your mouth that way, my son; George
Washington didn't eat after that fash
ion." The boy accepted that reproof
without comment, and after pOndering
for awhile, he remarked to himself:
"And don't believe George Washing
ton licked his boy for finding bottle of
whiskey in the shed when he was hunt
ing after horseshoe, either!"
A TRAVELLER was once telling a
Scotchman about wonderful bsshaw
whom he had seen in Turkey, with
three tails that came out of his hat,"
when the Cxledonian, with a shrug of
contempt, interrupted him with the ex-
clamation; "Hoot, mon, and ha' We
no. Sir Walter (Scott) right here amang
US wi forty tales all direct frae his
head" The traveller was silenced.
"SYNPATHY," says John Paul, sis
something which never withhold from
those in trouble, whether they happen
to be friends or not; there's nothing
mean about me. I find, too, that one
can 20 around shedding sympathy on
all sides, for weeks at q time, without
spending q cent or being at much per-
sonal inconvenience"
"PA, WILL you get me pair Of skates
II I prove to you that q dog has ten
tails?" Eyes, my son." "Well, to be-
gin with, one dog has one more tail
than no dog, hasn't hes" "Yes."
"Well, no dog has nine tails: and II
one dog has one more tail than no dog,
then one dog must have ten tails!" He
got the skates.
"SIRx," said Madame de Stael 20 the
great Emperor NapOlean, ''can you tell
me what Is the most curious thing In
the worldf" The Emperor hated the
celebrated blue-stOcking, and so he re-
piled, eyes. madame, il il . woman
who is not curious"
"DoEs my baby annoy you nights!"
asked fond mother Of q serious-look-
ing young man who occupied the sd-
joining room. ''Oh, no; not at ALL"
he meekly replied; 81 love babies"
And yet he had been engaged for several
days upon an article in defense of
Herod.
HALF pound Of shot judiciously ad-
ministered to sympathetic cats, at this
season Of the year, will bear frnit i'm
increased hours Of slumber throughout
the coming summer and have tendency
to prevent . corner In the chicken
market.
A YOUNG MAN suffering from 'heredi-
tary gout'' said that he didn I mind the
pain OF it so much, ''but," said he, ''the
thought that some old ancestor had all
the fun Of acquiring this prec Gus heir
loom Is what takes hold Of me-"
"WHAr do they always put d. C. after
Washington for?" asked Mrs. Quilp of
Mr.. Q. "why, my dear, don't you
know Washington was the Daddy Of his
Country3" said Quilp, with a snicker.
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