, 1876-12-31
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xii. il 00'e''f l. a00o' 10 gave an ekn0''0n 0t 0a
Pas Of the ballet-The bald-headed gentlemen
In the front seats,
Cronin would be Just the man for starting a
new world. He could meet himself and fiji ali
vacancies.
During these slippery times you should wear
two pairs OF shoes, one as usual and the other
on the back.
George Eliot grows honlely as she grows
older. She never had much beauty to Levea
| thongh--Reto71 I'osf.
Sixty Thousand Philadelphia famI1les. II il
SAID, WI! soon break up housekeeping, and re-
! turn their Centennial visits.
| Why are our city telegraph poles like an active
octogenarians Because they're aged, but not
in tirm.-New York Commercial
It would be interesting to know lust what
! thoughts rush through the mind Of man who
| sits down On coil OF hot steam-pipes to rest
-Arl Beatz, Swcde, Was locked up yesterday
| for being drunk This supports Mr. Morrlssey'a
decision that Arl Beatz is otf.-Aorcich Bulleiia,
An Elgfn newspaper has this advertisement:
"Found-a buckskin mitten. II the owner will
Leave the other at this office he will greatly
| obligc the finder"
Dentist to hysterfc patient: s'Don't crY,
| don't cry; If the neIghbors hear you they viii
lose confidence in my system Of painless e9trac- M
| tion.'-Roston Globe.
"You can't come in here, Nj. TIden," said
| circus man to . small boy who. Was trying to
crawl under the canvas without an electoral
door-ttcket.-4Veao Orleans Republican,
4 man In New Haven had to take pole and
poke 261 striped snakes out Of his drain rhe
! other day, before water would run through it.
hFtfs t3e bod
4 female correspondent asks the Boston
Transcript what she shall do for her poodle dog
when it has fits? Several remedies have becI,
suggested, but shooting the dog is most eifec-
No man who has examined drop Of water
under microscope can ever clasp the hand Of
an officer OF temperance association with as
much cordiality as he did before.-A,.drer5
Bazar.
An indianapolis debating society has decided
that the execution Of Charles the First was un-
justifab}e. The prospects OF the Stuart family
are beginning to look up.-Loai<nilk Courier-
Journal.
"That's all want to know about you," said
Michigan farmer when he saw tramp pairing
an apple. ~ now see that reckless extrava-
gance has brought you down to this."-Detruit
FTee Press.
''sir," said small person who oftlciated be-
hind the bar on being told to throw out q large
and particularly ugly inebriate, "you must
think I'm an entire returning board. ."-Roctes-
ter Democrat.
The Car OF Russia makes nearly $55,0N
day out OF bis position, and when he Knocks Off
in the middle Of the day to 60 out and play
baseball, or see horse-race, he isn't docked .
cent--Cle1e1dHd Hcrald-
Few men have q strictly mathematical mind,
but We never knew one who couldn't calculate
within q sixteenth OF an inch where his neigh
boris property began when be was shoreling
snow of his OVID sidewalk
The skating being now very good, toothache
and cholera-morbps have appeared among tic
boss, Just after school begins, in the nature Of
an epidemic, and threatens to sap the founda-
tioas OF our educational system.
ANY man that eats longer than dor said
Capt Jack Miller to his Mate, sis a hog"
Any man that knocks of afore he's .done,'
large piece Of 'tsa1t horse,'' ''is A. fool:
synpathizing Stranger" Bless mel How
did you manage to fall like that, sir2'' Irrt-
tated Equestrian (who has come to qrie1HICon-
found it, couldn't remain hanging Ii the air
after the horse runs away from me-could 1!''
stout German in the beer industry to an
Improbable customer: Here, now, you took
dose doors and walk owet NIT your ears, cha''
Gle doesn't.) "Hefm, you dond got out! Veil,
you waits minute und / gets 4 man dot yill!"
Hairdresser-s'-Any of the beard, sfr?" Gus
toner mo, thank You- I've lately trimmed
It myself.n Hairdresser-stI indeed, sir! /
should not have thought any gentleman out Of
the profession could have done It SO welln--
Punch.
"Why IN the world don't you 20 to works" In
qutred citizen Of lazy fellow, who was trying
to borrow some money Of him. sGo to work!s =
echoed the man, show ean do anything till /
know for certain who ts going to be the next
President!n-Bostos Globe
Upin Muscatine the musical and literary
young men Of the Unitarian Church organized
the Muscatfne Unitarian Musical Philosophical
Society; but. when the abbreviated title came
out Ia print II. .. II. ?. s., It struck In On the
Association and killed it--Baria.gton Harkeys
The disturbance in Floyd avenue house last
THURSDAY did not rise from dispute about the
returns from Florida, as many supposed. but
grew out OF the fact that the mother OF the
family found her Oldest son tampering with the
sacredness Of the preserved qninces.-Ron.<
Sentinel.
He took q sudden scat, he did,
IN all his gorgeous foppery;
Snch mpu1nful spectacles ne see
When sidewalks are 80 sloppery
AND 81; she 51pr poor FIX wens down with him
Such gicincldents take place
When sidewalks are 30 slippery.
Now is the time to make good resolutions for
The new especially tn the morning, when
you find the collar-button from the back of vnnr
shirt is goue, all the pins bend up double. and
gour. wife calls mp the stairs to say that break
last Is cold, and how much shall she nav man
or shoveling of the sidewalk -Com,ae,rizI
Bulletin.
It was very calm last night along the river,
"a y the North the weird plutnes Of the Aurora
;parkled with the brilltancy OF an arctic night.
| here was no noise save now and then fhat
pleasant sound OF FLASHING waters which de-
lotes Z. that another small boy has skated into IN