Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-04-19

Boston, some years aSo, "HiPPAcs sno
essayist, and SAKE, the poet, were
present as honorary guests. In the
midst of somewhat desultory CONVEX
sation between the two, Whipple ex-
claimed:
go, don't mind what SAKE says about
that; he was tipsy on that occasion"
"And in what condition were your"
required the poet.
"SOber-perfectly soberw was the
prompt and seemingly safe reply.
"Genulemen!' said Sake, rising to
his feet, glass in hand-"Gentlemen!
let us drink to the memorable occasion
when SAKE was tipsy and Whipple was
sober!"
IT Is impolite to ask lady her age.
As matter of courtesy, If she is forty
you are to say you think her about
thirty; if from forty to fifty-five, say
about thirty-five. Ladies regard them
selves complimented when they are
thought to be much younger than is
really the case.
"Miss Gamboge, says Mr.. Blixen to
that interesting but rapidly-adyancing
lady of forty-fOur, 81 declare you are
looking quite charming IA regular
twenty-one bloom and spirits! You
can't be day over that figure, if Pm q
judge"
Snow, Mr.. Blixen! you do say such
insinuating things! And then you
guess ages so closely"
A WEST HILL BOY says the Burlington
Ha,ckeye, came in to his mother the
other day with two yawning rents in
his trousers. His patient mother sat
down, after administering the necessary
counter-irritant, to repair the garment
and was shocked to hear her darling
tell his sister that "MOther was an old
devil" "Harry," she cried, "what did
you say?'' 81 didn't say nothing,
mother" eyes you did, Harry. Yeu
said that was a devil. What did you
mean by that?" "well, it's so, mother;
cause my Sunday school teacher told
me that nobody but the devil sowed
tares."
elbow Is 1T, Mrs. Murray" said one
lady to another last night, as they had
a comforting cup Of tea together with
half-a-dozen ruined regulations on
buttered toast, show is it, Mrs. Murray,
that you always have such nice milk?
If the cow herself told me that she gave
| it, it couldn't be better" "Mrs. LOmax,
ma a'am,' replied the experienced matrOn.
81 never keep the same milkman more
than a month. He wants to secure
customers, and so there is more cow in
his milk than usual at first. Whenever
his milk is such as not to enlist the best
efforts of my cat, l change"
WHEN young Hopeful entered Harvard
college, he wrote to his parents that he
must have study-table. 1t was given.
When the parent visited the room, a
year afterward, he inspected the table.
There were marks as if of tumblers.
He simply said: 81 judge, my boy, that
your rank in your class will not be very
high" 'Why, father, how can you
tell 2" "The carpet under the table is
not worn at all, but the covering is a
was a collegian himself once.
BANK CATECHIsM: s'Papa, what's a
safe?" "a safe, my child, is a charita-
BILE institution, in which benevolent old
for the use of sickly burglars in paying
hotel bills at Saratoga!" "What's a
cashier?" "a cashier, my child, is a
sign board established by amiahle bank
directors to point out the way into the
safe ~ ''What's a detective?" "He's a
burglars brother-in- law, and always
boards with his rich relatives"
A PASTOR was conversing with that
very gentle and most indispensable
critic, the pastors wife, one Sabbath
evening, about the morning sermon.
"Was it good?" he asked. eyes," she
replied ssvery." 'Was it not a complete
chain of thought, with no link omitted ?"
"Yes, it was certainly that; but, it
seemed to me, husband, that at the
hearers end you forgot to put on the
hook
"THIs is my last CALL" remarked a
| flippant young gentleman to young
lady who was soon to be married, on a
recent occasion. 81 never call on mar
ried women or unmarried ladies after
they have reached twenty-five" "YOu
do we'll, sir" gravely replied an elder
lady present. "At that age, and after
marriage, they begin to know the value
of time, and do not like to waste it."
CANT it pretty?" said Mrs. H.,
holding up her new bonnet. There's
some charming ideas in that, can tell
you" ''Glad of it," said John. ''It's
Just as well to have ideas somewhere
about your head, you know" and he
paused to catch hairbrush on the fly.
"DoN'r you think" said husband
in a mild form of rebuke to his wife,
"that women are possessed Of the devil?'
"Yes," was the answer, "as soon as
they are married"
"WHAT is conscience 2" asked a
schOolmaster. "An inward MONITOR"
replied bright little fellow. "And
what is a monitor ?' Gone Of the iron
clads."
AN AUTHOR says that one of the uses
of adversely is to bring us out. That is
true, particularly at the knees and
elbows.
THE extreme height of misery is a
small boy with new pair of rubber
boots, and no mud or slush in reach.
ALAS! there is no golden rule by
which man is exempt from building a
kitchen fire during leap year.
SIS IT MORE blessed" asks the Lowell
Courier, 'tO give than to receive kiss
Or is it about an even thing?"
GALL is vanity" remarked tinware
pedlar the other day. "What's life to
me but holler and tin sell ?"
THE skin of the common house cat is
rapidly rising in favor for pur-pusses of {
dress fur.-Aitd California.
LITTLE FISH have proper idea of
business, not being able to dc better,
they start on a small scale.
WHEN may mans pocket be empty I
and yet have something in it?-when
it has hole i'm it.