National Republican., 1876-02-05
THE KEEPER AND THE PIOUS FRAUD.
THE IAllOR BOY IN TROUBLE.

THE IAll0R BOY IN TROUBLE.
Marcus" ;" said the keeper, with @ thoughtiul
and philosophical air. are you mindful oil the iact
that another week Of time has passed away to the
great bosom of eternity, and Its last lingering
echoes whisper prophetically in our ears, another
is coming?'"
Marcus uncovered his head and nodded in the
Affirmative.
at has been q week." continued the keeper,
Hfraught with mutations in all the different phases
of human life. Even nature, that essence Of all
existence, has changed. Yesterday the earth
looked bare; to-day it is mantled in the pures.
drapery ever woven by the magic looms OF the
atmosphere; tomorrow, IN all human probability,
there will be nothing remaining OF all this white
and elegant covering but slush, slusb, slush."
And mush, mush, mush, )" added Marcus, In n
modest, respectful voice.
"Well, If you are going to deliver this grafton,
Young man, want to know it." said the keeper,
as be pulled on his boots, which had been drying
near the fender. "Whst do you know about the
constituent parts OF snow anyway"
Marcus put the broom gently away in the cor
ner, pulled down his vest, and, smiling with much
animation, replied: "Water is q compound Of
oxygen and b. hydrogen; two measures Of hydrogen
gas and one Of oxygen gas"
"Pint or halEbushel measures" inquired the
':fhe book don't say, but suppose It depends
on whether you want the water hot or e1Id; BUT,
proportion of tho ingredients in weight is $50
parts OF oxygen TO Ill Of hydrogen"
"Well, how about the snow?" And then tho
keeper looked around at the boys to see how
Marcus answer would affect them.
well, water, by tho abstraction OF heat, pc
comes solid, or, in other words Is converted INFO
Ice or snow"
At this learned reply there was a great sensa-
tion among the prisoners, as we'll as among the
auditors on the benches. The ruse of the keeper
had worked we'll. lie wanted to impress the
boys with the great dignity that surrounded the
important otlce held by Marcus, and he had
caused Mark to cram himself on the subject for
the occasion. 1t worked like a charm. They
now looked upon Marcus as au extraordinary
being, endowed with wonderful faculties OF mind
apd varied learning.
When Marcus called out the name OF John
Spinner the fellow took his hat of, bowed half
way to the fCor and said: Il an your humble
servant"
keeper, "but don't think you are his humble
servant. From all that can learn, you are the
domestic Of the devil, and Marcus is not in part.
nershP with that gentleman, II the court Is
posted"
Marcus added, "and besides, sir, my servants
never get intoxicated"
MARCUS" said the prisoner, ~ admire your
talents and vast resources of knowledge, but
what did ever do Tou that you should call me
You have squandered," said Marcus, lover
oLe and half dollars since the fell on
whisky straight alone, all of which you might
40 t-'N" ~ - NS~A~Sy S-- S~N-S
an honorary member"
The next five dollars get, you shall have"
said the prisoner; land the Eve dollars you have
got you had better keep to pay the fine at the
Police Court said the keeper, as he moved him
one side and turned graTely to wards the next oae
in order.
MARCUS AND THEHAT.
"Hayo you any objections te taking of your hat
while in the presence OF the ocerin- chief OF this
station bouse ?" asked the keeper OF q young man
Dot apparently feeling very comfortable. ~ OBJ
lect, Tor two reasons. In the first place, am
bald headed; in the second place, will take
cOld.''
"In tho third place, you won't do any such q
duTn thing" said Marcus, seiZlng the hat and
jerking it from the head of the prisoner Two silk
pocket etha1dkeTchiets, three two. dollar neck-tles
and iour pairs Of kid gloves fell froa the hat and
were scattered promlscuously about the room.
moment, and said, bald head. go up;'' and he
went.
THE MAN WHO VIEWED THE STEELE
why. so pensive:" inquired the keeper, as a
wandering away from himself in his appearance
was brought forward. THAT noble brow was
never meant to bear the slIngs and arrows OF out.
rageous fortune. Child of the Augustln age of
intellectual activity, you were born for higher
than this mundane sphere, as l see in your lnea-
ments the traces of genius suppressed, Of mighty
capabilities unfruitet. through the adverse influ.
ences OF an unappreciatiye world, sorrow, for 10
you we might have found the grand master and
leader Of the world predicted BY the scientists of
our day, the grand climax Of perfect co-ordina-
tion of sequences, the swayer Of mankind by sheer
IOICe OIL intellect. LOOK NJ Lle uulelIere0 MIL
lions around you who would have bent the knee
in worship and alteration. Alas, for the vanity of
human aspirations Alas, for the unsympathstic
every glance Of those eagle eyes! You are no
conqueror; the world knows you not. In what
direction were you bending the rattoclnatiye cuE.
were interrupted yesterday night on Four and q.
half street with string Of six chickens attached
My Lord, hear me speak. Where are my &C.
cusers; let them be brought before me- There
bTeathes no man who is further above the taint
OF suspicion than i. What you have described
me am, profound, earnest metaphysican; but
like Byron, have not loved the world nor the
pie this earth'8 globe cannot enter with me into
the realm of abstract contemplation. i was
created to shine At our tenth Centennial. Last
night, oppressed by the sense OF the utter made
quacy OF my environments TO permit that eXpan-
sion of my soul Of which l knew myself capable,
T6a Ts' sy my r D
into the night and contemplated the leaning
spire Of the Metropolitan church. From the
could take in every outline Of its magnificent pro-
portions and as gaZed unused metaphorically
thus: This spire s the destiny Of the children OF
men. Inch by inch the man shoots upward, add
ing the graces and ornaments OF culture as he
rises, ever pointing mis- course heavenwsrd, cast
ing of and leaTing behind his low associates;
higher and higher he grows in beauty and sym.
metry, until he STANDS At last mira of perfec.
ton and seemingly tower Of strength. But
day comes anon, when he feels the biting blasts
OF adversely, the tempest OF alction is upon him,
and he totters: he is drawn aside, he falis never
by the companions Of his prime, but"N"enough,
enough, broke in the keeper; it is true you were
destined to let your light shino In world OF
brighter intellects than ours; you ought to be an
ange;; you ought TO go up, up up-say FOR six
months, Marcus"
AVrrY rIoUs FRAUD.
The first impression is.inyarIably the best, and
when the keeper thought at the first glance that
the man standing before him was piOus fraud
he was right.
fraud.
us your name William Skinner" said the
"Are you prepared to die:" inquired the fraud.
'What is your employment"
i am seeking those without hope in the world"
And finding drinking saloon on every cor
"Are you aware that there is an eternity-s
hereatter-with the weeping and waiIng and
Enasbing of teeth attached"
~ am aware that
There is Police Court dock
Just nine squares away,
Where they send loafersiup
Three times day.
And now, William Skinner, why is your wIfe's
face ridged and bumped In that way?'
"The world is full Of wickedness, and Mary has
her share. She will insist sewing patches on
the boys clothes when she ought TO be working
for the poor heathens away off in the benghted
regions Of africa She nigh take up i've dollars
"You would spend 1t for rum. What is the
cause Of those bruises on that wOnan's face, sr:"
when try to convert anybody" said VIII
liam, they have got to come. Moral suasIon
| would not do IL in her case, So"
| "lou took chair, i" said the keeper
| And you don't know" continued the prisoner,
how beautifully it converted her. She got right
up from where she fell and said she would do any
| thing in the world If would only put down the
chair; put 1t down and she went down with it,
| and then knew she was converted"
| 81 Will put your name down on this card and
hand II TO Marcus, and II he sees fit to strike you
with lightning, blow you up With dynamite pow
| der or make you walk turkey he VIII be justified
| In the eyes Of the law and highly respected by
1 this tribunal" Mark received the compli-
ment with grave bow, and then walking