The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-04-07
W. C. Monkhotlse.
Wit and HumOr.

SPANISH women are good s'noras.
"BEnnEs" call great many people
TO church.
= SOMETHING that always soots-s chin
ney-sweep.
A MAN too strictly economical becomes
an econo-miser.
SoFT hearts often harden, but soft
heads never change.
WHAT'S in name2 ID. Seaver drives
st. Louis milk wagon.
GOLD must be tried by fire, as the
heart must be tried by pain.
IT is difficult to tell how much fish
will weigh by looking at the scales.
SHOCKING profanity-that of the man
who was born at Mecklenburg-S chwerin.
The author of the saying, You must
always take a man as you find him, was
constable.
A CAT is supposed to be fond of her
offspring. A popular delusion. She is
constantly licking them.
The Vienna opera-goers decline to APP
plaud our Annie Louise, but she's just
Yankee girl enough not to Gary snap
about it.
"WHY, Mary Ann, what in the world
are you doing with the scissors2"
"Shure, yez tould me to scallop the
oysters.
IT was Sydney Smith who retorted
upon some one who called him an every.
day man, "Well, if am an everyday
man you are weak one."
LUCY Ito her elder sister, who has just
been relating thrilling episode in the
life of William Tell" And was the lit
tie boy allowed to eat the apple after
ward 2"
A MAN in Milwaukee had a chance to
steal either thirty fine shirts or dirk
knife, and he did not look at the shirts
second time. He knew he couldn't stab
q man with O clean shirt. Free Press.
JOAQUIN MILLER, in describing how he
fell in love with girl at a railroad acct
dent, makes a strange dramatic point
where he says:
at see her before me lie senseess and pale,
With her hustle ripped up on the ravenous rail-"
"What's usee play poker" remarked
an Acknowledged denlzen OF Tucson,
New, the other day. "Me hold four
kings and lace; Mclean man hold all
same time four laces and king; whole
week washee gone hkee woodbine.
| WHAT weather.
| No two days alike together,
Slush and mud and snow and sneezing,
Coughs and colds and rain and freezing.
| Sunday sun and Monday snow,
! Tuesday rain and freeze and blow,
Oh for spring-time, April showers,
Gentle breezes and May flowers.
Troy Times.
ANCIENT mariner Ito his youngest)-
"Well, If you love the girl, why don't
you go and tell her so, Emery. 1 mind
the time-Td married your mother-ah,
and done my six months for woppin'
her, too-long afore was your age;
but, lor' there amt no sperit in youth
nowadays"
"AH Mrs. Dasher, -" said gushing Mrs.
Simpleton, during her morning call;
show delightfully."- that bouquet of vio-
lets and roses perfumes your parlors."
"Do you really notice its" replied the
widow with smile of ll-concealed tri-
umph, "Why, they're only artificial,
my dear Mrs. Simpleton. That even
ing when Simpleton came home he
found his wife confined to her bed
with high fever, and no supper ready.
A DETROIT lady purchased jacket at
Woodward avenue store the other day,
and the clerk said he would send it right
home inside of half an hour. In about
four hours apackage boy appeared with
the garment, and the impatient lady ex-
claimed You boys are the greatest
nuihance in town l suppose You stopped
to play marbles or hunt up lost dog |"
"Indeed 1 didn't" he replied. 81 went
up home to change hats, and ma she had
to try on the jacket and parade before
the glass. Then Katy she put it On to
make a call, and when she got back ma
was determined to walk over on Wood
ward avenue to show it of, and got
here as quick as ever could. Detroit
| Free Press.