The Leavenworth weekly times. [volume] (Leavenworth, Kan.) 1870-1880, 1876-04-27
HUMOROUS.

1t isn't often that the granger gets
philopena, but two goslings were Matched
from one goose egg IN Georgia the other
day.
When it is 20 stormy in Boston that 1t
would not be right for scholars to attend
school, morning signal ID given on the
fire alarm bells.
A careless Dubuque (Iowa) boy swal-
lowed a revolver cartridge one day last
week. and his mother doesn't dare TO "wal-
Iop" him for fear he'll go of.
An Illinois preacher, who believed
that FIRE insurance was defying the Lord, IL
now living in barn until his congregation
can find him another house.
Thou hast Loved Me and Left Me for
| o Cents" is the latest case Of heartless de-
sertion, and may be seen in the window OF
a music publisher.
| lust this season OF the year a good
many women imagine that they know how
TO whitewash a ceiling as we'll as any man
who ever wore boots.
AT baby show to take place at Manis-
tee. Michigan, next week, each mother will
get check tor her baby, TO prevent any
accidents from mixing up the young ones.
-Gentlemen's spring fashions consist OF
coat. pantaloons, vest, shoes, hat and shirt
las usual. When a shirt cannot be Afford
ed the coat is bu,toned up to the neck.
No surer sign is wanting that the
South means to rule this country with an
unsparing hand, than that the majority In
Congress no longer white pine wood, but
eat peanuts.
-"How cross you look, whenever YOU
sigh ?" said querulous lover to his sweet
heart. She burnt into tears, and said tina
was the first time she had ever been called
a cross sighed girl.
|, The first day Artemus Ward entered
Toledo. travel worn and setdy, he said Il
an editor who was on the street, mister
where could get q square meal fer twenty
five cents?u He was told Il say mister,
said he. "where could get the twenty-five
cents"
How terrific must be the molecular &C
ton in the brain OF a man who comes hom
at one o'clock in the morning. singing, ITO
raj, coral, oddy," and mistakes his wife
patent hustle, standing pale and rigid ii
the corner. for the spirit of his decease'
mother-in-law.
A counterfeit ive-cent piece is in cir
! culation which fails to be genuine only be
| cause il is not issued by United State
mint, as il contains the full amount Q
,, metal in weight and fneness' 1t is far
that the fve-cent pieces cost the govern
, ment only half cent piece.
: -"Oh zis eez re kindt peoplcs-ze people
) 20 goot," was the exclamation OF his Ira
lillian Majesty as the first American he er
j countered after landing thoughtfull
: pressed upon him a handful descriptive {
e the magic properties of carEolic salve Il
r cons.-BroOiyn Argus.
e Prof. Merriman prophesies that With
o 10. 600 years the ocean will be rolling l,Ot
feet deep over America, and that beaat
full new continent will appear in the souti
ern hemisphere. This is very sad, comm
as it does when many of us have just g
settled in our new homea-RoeheserD Dem
Graf.
where's the barr" asked dirty an
= rather boozy-looking stranger Of the bel
\ bow of hotel the other day. "What kin
: of bar? ?" asked the latter "Why, a saloo
' bar. of course; what do you suppose
e mean p" "Why," drawled the boy,
f didn't know but you might mean bar
: SOAP"
A strong illustration Of the Darwinia
K theory that the body gradually conforms
n his needs is said to De afforded in Brookly
o since the taste for scandal has SO fully d.
: welcomed. Children are now born there vii
r a suction apparatus, like that on fly
q foot, about the rim of the ear, enabling ii
h application of the organ to key-hole vii