Rocky Mountain husbandman. [volume] (Diamond City, Mont.) 1875-1943, 1876-04-13

"Come, John, be lively now, break the
bones in Mr.. Williams chops and put Mr..
Smiths ribs in the basket for him." John
(briskly)-"All right, sir just as soon as
I've sawed off Mrs. Murphy's leg"
-44ffoW much are we paying that sales
man?n asked thesenior of his junior part
ner. "Fifteen hundred dollars a year, sir,''
was the reply. "Ah, syes, fifteen hundred
hadn't we better, as a matter Of economy,
take him into the concern %
A Mohawk lady received a note, the other
day, asking if a few friends could have a
surprise party at her house. She said yes,
and took up her carpet and made ample
preparations. The evening came and,passed
with not a caller. That's where the sur
prise came in.
A great number of foreign Counts have
visited Chicago, and. the Chicago Journal
has met them and its opinion is givenin two
lines and a half, viz: "Many a man who
would fail as a street-car conductor could
take hold and make a first-class foreign
Count"
"Father, did Casca, that helped to kill
Julius Caesar, own u great many houses?"
mo, my dear, not th2t know of. What
makes you think he did," because, IA
Their, ! am reading here where it says, See
what a rent the ~envious Casca made!" Joy
was in the fathers copntenance, and the
mother looked delighted at the wisdom of
her.only son.
When you go to a theatair. where a fussy
young ushair, with centrally parted hair,
and flowers in coat COLLAR, seats you in a
chair. which belongsto anothair, who comes
late in great angair, and with eyes of lurid
CLAIR, calls you an mtrudair. rush to the
managair. and after a gushing swair, he'll
scalp that young ushair, with the centrally
parted hair and the rosy coat collair.-AHa
California.
lt was aimean man who got on the North
Side, Chicago, car, and rendered the con-
ductor four cents for a fare. Not wishing
TO stop the car to eject the fellow, the hon
est and generous conductor made up his
mind to take it, and drawing his punch to
operate sin the presence of the passeniar,n
was %astonished to hear him exclaim in ex-
cited tones, Hold on, don't shoot, here's
the other cent"
The following'is the latest story told about
General Butler: Some gentlemen were
holtly discussing a matter which aroused the
Generals ire, and in his anger he made a re-
mark grossly offensive to one of the party.
Not earring to have apersonal quarrel there,
MI. - nursed his wrath until he next saw
the General. Then he demanded an apol-
,ogy. Quoth MI. Butler: 81 Lowe you no
apology, sir! | meant Colonel -!n "But
you looked directly at me, and / could not
help Knowing that you meant me by your
LOOK" "No at all, sir! Not at all! ha! ha J!
Idlike to know how you or any other man
can tell where | am looking?o
Mr.. Burroughs, of South Africa. havino
no Cog to love, bought an ostrich, and now
he advertises as follows: "glO Reward
Lost, a tame ostrich. Said ostrich was miss
ing yesterday, directly after having deyour-
ed certain pieces OF machinery, which one Of
the ladies of the advertisers household had
apart and was cleaning on the 'front.' veranda
At the time. He is supposed to have wan
dered Off in a fitof melancholy directly after
committing the deed. The above reward
Wll be paid for the return of the pieces, as
tney are invaluable on account of the long
time required to replace from the manufac.
tory IN the United States. The parts want.
ing are a face plate. needle-bar and a shuttle