The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-03-09
uscErIANrnr1s rrrrs

John Henry. Ought to be SPANKING. -
replied his hopeful" there's mothers in
"A Boston paper says that the only
way to do when a theater gets on fire is to
keep your seat and wait. Wait for what
Ito be baked!
-Snow, we learn from the Cincinnati
Commercial, is the flocculent element"
We thought it was snow: but YOU can't
most always tell.-Rochester Chronicle.
The contest for the championship in
meteorological proficiency has got whitfield
down until it lies between "Old Prob"
Professor Tice and the grounding.
"A fashionable lady at Augusta, Ca,
carries around little bottle Of acid and
tests all the jewelry she can get hold of.
She has found three or four sets inAugus.
ia which were not purchased at the dollar
store.
"A ragged tramp, just out of the Rich
mond, Ind, Jail, walkei into music
store and asked if he might open piano.
permission being granted, he sat down to
the piano, and to the establishment of all,
played with the finest expression Beet
hoven's "Sonta Pathctiquc."
The New York Graphic's valentine to
"Uncle Sam and Columbia was worded
thus:
When first we welded, peerless dame,
Few people to the spousas came,
And dad forbade the wedding;
Lo but our hundredth nuptial feast,
And all the time-WOrn nations haste
10 dance here ut our bidding"
1t is said to be the practice among
numerous establishments of this city to
charge up, at the end of each week, the
needles broken by the girls employed run
ming leather machines. These manufac-
turing machines are frequently Tout of
ORDER" and snap brittle needles by the
Wholesale. For each needle thus broken
the sewing girl is charged three cents-a
clear profit of over two dollars per 100 to
the proprietors. The poorer the quality
of the needles given the girls, the more
profitable becomes this sharp financial
Observation-Disclosures Times.
We lately met an old negro trudging
along with heavy side of bacon that he
had bought swinging over his shoulder.
We noticed he was miserably clad, and we
felt sorry for him, for cold wind was
blowing. We demonstrated with him.
"Why do you spend your money for
meat: You'd better by coat" The
old man stopped, looked us full in the
face for few moments, and said, in the
most solemn tones, Massa, when I ak
my back for credit, it gives it; when I
speak to dis" tlaying his hand upon his
slomach) lit calls for the cash. "-Brook-
Ign Union.
The Portland (Me.) Pre.s of Thurs
day tells i: thus: Yesterday, as the
morning train over the Rochester Road
was nearing Alfred, the engineer discov-
cred a large Newfoundland dog on the
track. He blew the whistle, but the dog
stood his ground, and thinking something
was wrong, the engineer whistled down
brakes, and the engine stopped within a
few feet OF the dog. 1t seems that four-o OK
load of logs had attempted to cross the
track, but the sled caught ON the rails.
The driver heard the train approaching
round curve, and rushed down the track
to stop it. His dog took in the situation
and dashed around the curve and stopped
the train. 1t woald have been impossible
to stop the train after seeing the man."
This is the way Prof. TYndall is re-
ported to have proposed to the daughter of
Lord Hamilton:
Saccharine conglomeration of proto-
plasm! Adorable combination of matter
and force! Rarest product of infinite ages
of evolution the luminiterous ether is not
more responsive to the rays of light than
are my nerve-centers TO the mystic intlu-
ence which emanates from the photos
plere of thy cOuntenance. As the hello.
centric system was evolved from primord.
ial chaos by the workings of memorable
law, so is that ratification of matter which
men call my soul lifted from profound
despair by the luminosity issuing from thy
visual.organs. Deign, y admirable crea-
ture, to respect that attraction which draws
me toward thee with force inversely pro.
portional to the squares of the distance.
Grant that we shall be made double suns
describing concentric orbits. Your own
TYNDALL."
Several days ago Mr.. Priscillius, q
spending an hour or two visiting with
Iefebre, on the corner Of Jefferson and st.
upon the subject of physical strength, and
and healthy, intimated that he could lift
more than any person on the premises.
Mrs. Lefebre accepted the gage of battle,
oIN AuuOuASCA ASA " SOuNCy Ill
wheelbarrow more than Priscillius could
lift. He doubted this, and finally wagered
an oyster supper that she could not accom-
plish the feat. Last evening was the time
fixed for the test of strength. A wheel
barrow was produced, and Mrs. Lefebre
requested Priscillius to plant himself in
the vehicle for a ride. He did so, and
was propelled up the avenue short dist
ance and back again. Then Mrs. Lefebre
requested Priscillius to lift the load she
had wheeled, and he, seeing the point,
which now seemed to Priscillius to be
about as big as barrel head, provided
number Of persons set down. But before
Priscillius bets with woman again lie
will turn it over in his mind as many
times as dog turns round before he lies
down.-.Detr0st Tribune.