The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-01-29


" All hale. thou mighty ole gaoot-all hale.
You are hundred lbs. and am purity well
PropOrshuncd, thOu trrmcnjuS human nuggit,
wonder how big you was when you
WOs little, and if yurc mother would no you
now,
That you have grown so big and thck and phat"
This warm weather is tryin.-stili the 1.-TWO
Orphans" Tom and Jerry, are having" "A run
"Oh the mud, the beautiful mud. D-n the
mud" Is the iavorite "pome these days.
The man who pays more for shop rent than for
advertising don't understand his business.-Hor
ace hrs,tey.
Considerable cxcitcmcn, was created the 9th
or day by the discovery, in the debris brought up
AT the Columbus street artcsian well, OF perfect
cigar! II had been pumped up-from depth Of
about 800 feet, and was Immediately turned over
to the philosophers and our heavy savaus. 1t
boChered them. They could sit down and in
three minutes talk man blind on Crustaceans
Trilobites, Brachiopods Of the Azoic or Palwozo-
ic ages, describe ideal landscapes Of 1000 years
back or hence, clucidate on the Mesozoic time
aud tell to minute how many thousand years il
would take to transform hard cider into the best
brand of imported French champaign, but this
cigar was too many-too many. But they were
not discouragcd-no, The wise man is never
discourage letteth up" They called in
aid; sent telegram to Prof. Clarke, OF the Uni
ycrsity of Chicago" Come Immediately
est discovery ia the annals Of geological invCsti
clcCtr.fy tho whole civilized world,
sent in hot haste for the owner Of starved Rock
who wanted TO see the blank, blank, blank the
Il thiptr TbpV all i'm a 4
red hot cXcitcmcnt-whcn in rushed the drill
who wanted to examine the thing.
lie did and finally showed the assembled multi
tudc the inscription in faint, but distinct letters,
: Tidal Wave, $, X X Co."-hc lodged, and as
he went out sad 81 thought | hadn't smoked
the thing yet.
The young man from La Sale who wants to-
know if it is improper TO offer young lady his
arm when walking with her, is Informed that il
is not at all improper. Bat it would be the
height Of mpoitcncss to offer her your foot, or
a chew of tobacco, or q rum punch, or dried
Goldfish, or another girls likeness,
II requires mctaphyscan doubtless to tell
lust how it works on the mind-tO analyze the
subtle processes OF the brain at such time, but
this is how it appeared to the audience at the
billiard exhibition: The waiter had just brought,
r some "pizeu' 70 the exhausted players who
we're preparing, by mods to each other, swings Of
he hands, here's t 'yc," to "hOist" it in. 4
trapped man in the audiCncc looked on with in
ense earnestncss,- his eyes glistened as it came
n; his nostrils expanded to take in the odor Of
he fluid; his arm raised as theirs did and when
hey sat down the shells " he heaycd sigh Of
abstraction, and well bet until he sees this he
never knew he didn't drink that whisky. Imag-
nation Imagination Imagination! thou-"oh,
hoot the Imagination" saith the devil. (print.
r's)
The Opera Of Esther was given Jon Thurs.
lay and Friday evenings Mt the Opera House to
rowded houses, The undertaking was q huge
me, but was successfully carried out ThcTc
we're many surprises at the unexpected excel.
encc of may of the singers. Among those
specially to be noted was well known local
bachelor, whose remarkable falsetto voice ere.
ted so tremendous a sensation that the fea.
ure was made the subject of special dodgcr on
friday.
As he appeared at 9:5T on last evening with
lis tal- scttO ltecth: