The Osceola times., 1876-10-21
NUMBER "a.
FACTS AND FANCIES.

appetite, good company, something TO
eat, and a napkin"
THERE is nothing better for fever in
the feet of horses than bandages wet with
water. II is better than "stufiing" with
filth, 40 often recommended.
IT is said that the bite of blackbird
will breed case of hydrophobia, and,
all things considered, no man Is safe un-
less he goes down well and has trap
door shut upon him.
| A BRIGHT-EYEp little girl on being
taught by her orthodox mother that
Jesus was God and the father, said:
"Why, mamma, how can God bs on the
right hand of heself."
The most bitter piece Of satire on
+ man generally affects him least. It ID
written and composed after his death,
and is commonly known as ian obituary
notice"
A DREAMY philosopher has discovered
that mosquitoes are animated by the
souls Of wicked men who have gone 10
their last account. II this Is so q good
many wicked mems souls are being
plastered up against bedroom walls.
MoNs. CoLoMBIER, a merchant Of
Paris, recently deceased, has left 10000
francs 70 lady of Rouep, for having,
twenty years ago, refused to marry him,
Through which" says the will, II was
enabled to live independently and happily
as bachelor"
DIR. HOLLAND thinks it does not pay
to be an author. Very true. When
man attempts to write poetry who
might be better employed opening
clans, there is some mysterious power
that interposes to keep him poor.
A NEVADA gambler said he would
blow his brains out ifhe lost his last five
dollars, and when he lost 1t be was as
good as his word. lf he had said: 81
will quit gambling" he wouldn't have
had character enough to sustain his
resolution.
A NEGRO being asked what he was in
Jail for, said it was for borrowing money.
''But," said the questioner, "they don't
put people in Jail for borrowing money"
"Yes," said the darky, "but had to
knock the man down free or fo' times
before he would lend it to me-"
ToMMY-who has been allowed seat
at the table on the occasion ot tea-party,
and is scrutinizing the engravings on his
tea spoon, which il odd-"Why, mother,
, these spoons we're on Aunt James sup
portable the other night, when cousin
Fred had his party" A "look from the
maternal, and smile all around.
The New Orleans Bulletin says he
t now thinks it is unsafe to leave blotting
paper around the Office. His wife
found this on a piece
E :euS tseraed
/ .sevolg 70 xob dnes lliw !
+ .EILLIW.
"GIMME something 10 cure boil" he
, exclaimed ~ he dashed into drug store.
"Ab, so you've got one of the things now,
, have you ?" smiled the clerk. "Yes, sir,
: and its just in the right place." "Just
in the right place. p repeated the clerk ;
"why, where is that p "On an.
other fellow" came the sweet reply.
THE German mind is some. Zines very
quick to reach a conclusion. Illustrat.
ing the opposite of this remark, Mr..
Ferguson told Hans of the German who
sat 5000 years gravely contemplating
his toes. and then, rising, said with n
sigh of relief, "Vell, I don't see nodings
the matter with them" "Hah ~ said
Hans quickly. "How cot you there.
1t vas tam lie. No man efer lefied
tree t'ousand years, hey? You must
bin Crazy"
A HUSBAND having arrayed himscl
elaborately with CATERS, gamebag and
gun, accompanied by his faithful dog,
goes forth TO hunt, but shoots nothing.
Impossible TO return empty-handed to
the house, he stops at the market and
buys hare, which he presents TO his
wife. The hare was terribly high-not
alone in price. "Ah:" said his wife,
with sniff $50 you killed II? You
were right. 1t was high time. Paris
Paper.
IT was in the famous old parish Of St.
Clements. London, that DR.. Dome
buried his wife, and preached her fu-
neral sermon TO the text, 40, am the
man that have seen affliction." and there
lived the poor widowed tailor who, con-
demned to the gallows for some petty
larceny, an offence which incurred the
same penalty az murder in those by-gone
days, passed the time in Newgate, be-
tween the day of his conviction and the
monthly hanging day at Tyburn, in
making nine suits Of mourning for his
nine little children.
"My friends" said a returned mis-
sionary, at one Of the anniversary meet
ing-, 'let us avoid sectarian bitterness
The inhabitants of Hindostan, where /
have been laboring fer many years, have
a proverb that, Though you bathe a
dogs tail in oil and bind it in splints,
yet you cannot get the crook out Of IT,
Now, a mans sectarian bias is simply
the crook in the dogs tail, which cannot
be eradicated, and hold that everyone
should be allowed TO wag his own pecu-
larity in peace
Prince BIsMARCK would have made
his fortune as an interviewer in the press.
Writing to his wife from a watering
place, he says Opposite me (at the
table 'hote) sits the old minister -,
one of those figures that appear to us in
nightmares, a big rog without legs, who,
at every bite, opens his mouth like
carpet-bag, from ear to ear, 80 that |, In
fainting state, have to cling to the
table Ny other neighbor is Russian
officer, decent young fellow, built like
bootiack, a long, thin body and stumpy,
handy legs"
DIsRAEL once said Tho. disap-