The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-06-24
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

thew were unable to deliver her at Cincinnati
Morton is said to be afflicted with sores, but
the worst Blaine that ever troubled him was ex-
trpated at Cincinnati
The following original poem is supposed to
have been written in view OF the recent scrim'
mage between Blaine, Morton Bristow and
Conkling at Cincinnati:
There ouct we're four cats Of Kilkenny,
And 'aich thought there was three cats too
menny;
So they scratched and they fiji,
And they tore and they bit,
Till, barring their nails,
And the tip Of their tails,
Instead Of four cats there want any.
The weather at Ottawa was too cold and Hay
sen last Friday night to get up Publication
over the Cincinnati nomination. All the radi-
calls seemed to be suffering from chill Blaine.
That was a distressing optical afiction to our
Ottawa radicals on Friday evening last week
when they rushed to the bulletin board to see
Blaine's triumph on the 7th ballot but couldn't
see it on account Of Hayes before their eyes.
There are various incentives to poetry. 1t was
a gentleman whe had stepped on polecat in the
country who wrote: Now the wild rose bios
SONS DER the little green grave where my coat
and trousers lie, ana the farmer tells me he
thinks III save by digging for 'em in July"
He was a recent convert. as he walked along
the street suddenly his feet popped up In the air,
and he was bewildered specimen OF humanity
sliding around OR the side walk. 1t was an
orange peel on which he stepped Whep he
arose that young man was bowling sinner
En-.
The Aurora Ee,ps finds q solution OF the scrip
tural conundrum "Oh death, where is thy Sting"
In the following dispatch:
ATLANTA, Ga, June 4.-Hon. j. Crawford at
Kingston, Ga, was stung on the head by bee
this morning, and died In two minute.
When you see a bare headed man following q
COW through the front gate filling the air with
garden Implements don't laugh at him, especial
ly II he is bigger than you, You might have 10
dodge something, and probably without much
success. About that time laughing wouldn't
come into good play.-Pekin Bulletin.
An Indiana paper says: Morton is the most
gifted man in the party" Thought Grant was
the most gifted " man in the party.
An exchange asks IN there is a place for
everything, where is the place for bolT' "A
contemporary answers: ON some other fellow ~
Our experience inclines us to coincide with this
sentiment.
Seems to us something like the following
which we clip from an exchange as original, was
in print several years ago:
Never had piece OF bread
Particularly Icing and wide,
But what IL fell upon the floor
And always on the buttered side.
In England the death rate OF men is highest
among hackney coachmen, and liquor sellers
cOme-or, rather, go-next.
The New York World thinks that hereditary
depravity can be beaten out of boy.
How does the editor of the World know? 1t
was never beaten out OF him
Billings says: The mew is larger burd than
the guse or turkey. 1t has two legs to walk
with, and two more to kick with, and it wears its
wings on the side OF its he'd.
"Ah," said Mr.. Bergh 20 friend in burst OF
confidence lately, wish was Chlcagoan."
" Why soE inquired the friend in surprise. " Be
cause" said the great cruelty preventer, be
cause could put my foot on SO many more evil
practices at Once."-St. Louis Rep.
A travelling doctress Is delivering lectures, pro.
liver is affected, and that the liver is the prime
cause Of consumption, heart disease dyspepsia,
&c. This would be alarming did she not have a
medicine that will subdue that useful but belly.
erent organ, which she is selling cheap.
Cincinnati, they say, gave him the worst chill.
BLAME ever had.
Naturaists say the zebra is the most intracta.
bic Of animals and can never be taught to work
in harness. The one htched up in the circus
procession on Monday was cross between the
zebra and mule the cross being the work of n
sklllful painter who put on the zebra stripes.
In Philadelphia they have handkeschiefs with
the Declaration OF independence printed on them
in French, German, and English, so that one can
now blow his nose in three languages in the !
Quaker Ci;y-Brookiyn Eagle
II was in Portland one evening. Three of them
were killing cat One Of them held a lantern,
another held the cat, and the third damned a
pistol into the cats ear and fired it, shooting the
man who was holding the animal in the hand and
wounding the party with the lantern in the arm |
The cat left as soon as il saw how matters stood,
and that ill-ieeling was being engendered.
The devil" of the Stark county Bee has been
attacked by measles. Our sympathies are EN-.
tirely with the measles.-Ldcon Home J.
Miss Joak, Of New York. recently eloped with
young man. Her onraged father says il he can
lay his hands on that young man he will teach
him to take Joak.-EL. II her paternal parent
followed the profession Of newspaper nara.
graphist, Lc would soon become accustomed IN
having his best Joaks Standardization Herald
II is said that the liquor drinkers Of the state
Of New York annually liqufy and pour down
their rascally throats upward of SlO6 600 600
Great and eternal blazesl That much in o,,
year! Why, II is as much as we've even snent
for liquor and cigars both In Ten years-ves In
ten years and three months -LoIisuilIe CCtrie,'
Journal.
After contemplating the great Corliss engine
at the centennial show, Dom Pedro, they saw, re.
marked that II beat the South American repub.
lies in the numbers Of revolution per minute.
An exchange says: New York ladies wear
nothing but the gypsy hats" And unless the
brim Of that hat Is at least four feet deep, and
turns down all around, we should think modest
man would want 10 leave that town.-Noristotcn
Herald