Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-04-12

man had his bridal supper attached
by q heartless tailor. and had to in
woke the assistance of his fathcr-in-
law so as to avoid sending the we'd
ding guests away empty. Life opens
auspiciously for that young couple.
A Virginia railroad was made to
pay 1876 for killing valuable rooster.
The engineer said he blew the whis-
tic as Kindly rs possible; but when
the rooster dropped one wing on the
ground, raised his eye Heavcnward
and commenced whetting his spur on
the rail, forbearance ceased to be q
virtue, and he let drive into him with
thirteen freight ears.
The New York Mail says that many
of the brown stockings worn by the
ladies are SO poisonous rs TO endanger
life. Those who wear them assume
an unlOvely yellow color. You've got
your cue now, dear reader. When you
see lady friend assume an unlovely
color, you should pull her stockings
right OIL, aud light out for a stomach
pump.--Ddnbu,y News.
An Irishman recently stopped at a
hotel where pretty high bills were
charged. In the morning the land
lord made out the amount of DANA
ges and presented il to Pat. After he |
had glanced over il, he looked the !
landlord in the face and exclaimed
"Ye put me in mind of a snipc.
"Why I" asked the landlord. because
|ye're very nigh all bill"
"A Preston man was very angry on
going home, the other night, to find
that his wife had lent the only Bible
in the house. lie said it was dis
grace that in this period of cnlighten-
ment a family should have only one
copy of the Bible. II seemed he
wanted to decide bet as TO whether
it was Paul or Cephas who said,
CONSISTENCY, thou are a jewell
No,pcich Bulletin.
Rev. DR.. Lippincott, a Methodist
clergyman of New York, denounccs
Sunday schools as places devoted to
matchmaking, Irritation, etc, and is
particularly wroth against Sunday
school festivals. Well, let him 90 on,
let him go on in his campaign against
matchmaking and filtration, and see
where his Sabbath schools will be in
few years. No classes, that's what.
"Bathc every day!7 exclaimed the
widow Smashpipes, as she dropped
the last fiat iron upon the horseshoe,
and looked her heighbOr. Snubs,
right in the eye. "Why, you don't
say SO! never used to think of strip
ping my Jeems, and giving him a
good wash, but four times a year
onst in the spring, onst in the sum
mer, onst in the fall, and onst in the
winter. Howsomdever, some chill
dren ketch dirt sooner than Others"
There was a very pleasant donation
party the other evening, and the com.
pany sang, eve give up all for
: Heaven" with deep feeling, but the
: next day the minister expressed a
desire to resign. lie said that three
: quarts of beans, key of dried apples
y and calico drcssing-gown were I'M.
doubtedly valuable in their way, bu
a they seemed to HIM to form an un
v natural basis to preach sound thcolo
V gy on.
IS A Fort Madison man went into hi
!. cow stable the other day, and, by mis-
!" take, mixed her up a nice mash in :
!. box full of saw-dust instead of bran
c The cow, merely supposing the hare
!, times had come and they were all go
= ing to economic, meekly ate her sup
= per, and that man never discovered
: his mistake until the next morning
when he MIXED that COW, and she lie
down half-a-gallon of turpcntinc, {
4, quart of shoe-pegs, and bundle o
Q laths.-Barliagton Haackeye.
= For 20 years the Republicans hav,
- controlled Iowa. 1t is i'm the best fl
:. nancial condition of any State in tn,
. Union, and in all that time the Stat.
has not suffered the loss of one dollar
l. or one cent of its public funds. Ii
4 view of this fact the Davenport Ga
Is zctte properly rcbukes those Demo
!, cratic papers that for partizan pur
u pose, following the Bclknap matter
g are trying to establish the imputatiol
that Iowa is populous with officia
h. thieves.
y A women called at bookstore til,
e other day. and said she would like t,
q take look at some "chromos" as sh,
u wanted something to please Harvey
n who had worked on the farm all sum
mer and should be rewarded. "Any
o thing religious 2" asked the clerk, as HI
" ran over lot of chromos and cngrav
ri ms. "Wa'al, no; not exactly relig
~ ions," she answered. "Somc of j
o might be solemn like; but down i'm
: corner there ought to be u dog-fight
or a man falling offa barn, or some
thing to kinder interest your mind.
An Indian has opened a barber
! shop in a Kansas town, but he is no
II making fortune. One day, while
i shaving white man, he permitted
: his mind to wander back to the happ,
days of his childhood, and before you
could repeat the multiplication tabl'
is backwards he had his customers CORY
e scalp dangling at his belt. or course
. he apologized when he fully realized
c the consequence of his absent mind
II edness, and offered to glue the scall
y OH at his own expense but this whit,
c man wouldn't listen to reason, ant
left the shop swearing that he would
d never go back there to get shaved
e And he has kept his word.
Il