South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-03-10
W.T. AND IIUMOix.


WIZ AND IIUM Olt.
"Bet-u as have peace" says Cant,
with his face to the South. "Hang Jeg
Davis on sour apple tree" says Blaine,
with his face TO the North. Give us
hard money" says Copkling with his
face TO the East. Give us the rag ba-
by," says Morton. with bis fase to. the
Vests s $40
80 they wheeiabsat and ~hi,l about, >,
And DO juss so; 80
Wheel about and Whit about, '.'~'
eg@ And jamp, Jim Grow.
VA story s told Of d venerable me-
gro in Iowa who was on trial for an OF.
fence against the State When the case
was announced in court. aasrhs State OF
Iowa versus sSawpson Caesar" the aged
African exclaimed -Wnat de whole
State Of Iowa agia dis chile! Den
surrenders." $50 =
DAt Hawkinsville, Ca, recently,
one of the two convictsa in the Pulaski
county Jail tore out a part of the wall
and escaped, and the other complained
bitterly next day to the Sheriff that un-
less the walls were mended, so that he
would be kept warm, he'd go too.
1MAN-'Do you think it would be
safe for me to cross thispasture?' MAID
well, the old bull don't like red very
mnch, but if you will chalk your nose /
guess he won't attack you
IA little boy, when picking the
Il fsOly - Oh, ,I-
of the tendons which are so numerous
In the legs Of fowl, and was very near.
~ choked. The tendon was, however,
extracted with great difficulty from the
little fellows throat, wheu he eXclaim-
cd: ''Oh, mamma, it wasn't the chcka.
biddy's fault; it was because cook for.
got to take off it's garters."
C| What do You know of the charac-
ter of this MANI" was asked of wit.
ness in court the other day. 81 know it
to be unbleachable, your honor" replied
the witness, with much emphasis.
EVThe following specimen Of En-.
glish pure and undecided is from the Liv-
erpool Times A doctor was lately
summoned to cottage at HARDWOOD in
Teasdale, and found hoy in need ofhis
services. "Put out your tongue" said
the doctor. The boy stared like an
owl. ''My good boy" requested the
medical man, "let me sec your tongue"
Talk English, doctor :" put in the mo.
Their, and then~turning to her son, she
said: "Hoppen thy gobbler and put
ont thy loliker.'' The boy rolled out
his tongue in moment
Why is Judges nose like the
middle of the earth? Because it is the
scenter of gravity.
t=0 A scholar in country school was
asked Glow do you parse, Mary
milks the cow?'" The last word was
disposed of as follows: Cow, a noun
feminine gender, third person, and
stands for Mary Stands for Mary
How do YOU make that ou.?" BE.
cause" added the intelligent pupil, Elf
the cow didn't stand for Mary, how
could she milk her?"
ER'A few weeks ago baby was Ia.
ken to church TO be baptised, and his lit.
Tie brother was present during the rite.
On the following Sunday, when baby
was undergoing his additions and dress
ing. the little brother asked mamma if
she intended to carry William to be
christened. why, no. said his mother.
don't you know, my son, people are not
baptised twice. What returned the
young reasoper with the utmost aston.
ishment in the earnest face, not il it
don't take the first time?
~ Bridget is very devout Catholic.
and keeps her Friday fast with much
scrupulousness. She has n failing for
sucking raw eggs. however, which no
amount of discipline can overcome. Yes.
terday az the family were gathering a.
round the tea.table terrific scream
was heard TO issue from the domestic
quarters, and the mistress rushed in.
Goodness, gracious. Bridget, what
is the matter with you?"
"Och, holy murther thin, jist broked
an egg quite by accident. mum, and
swallowed 1T in hurry. mum, for fear nv
its bein' lost An it had a chicken
IN 1t, mum, an to.day's Friday, mum.
Och, arrone! !"
tR'Scene at q Brooklyn wedding
breakfast. Company all seated about
the table. A pause in the general con.
versation. Happy husband, TO his wife'a
seven-year.old sister at the other end of
the room: "Wefl, Julie, you have
new brother now, Julie: "Yes but
mother said to papa the other day that
she was afraid you would never amount
70 much, but that it seemed TO he Sa.
rah's last chance" Intense silence for
moment. followed by rapid play Of
knives and forks.
" n young clergyman whose reputa.
ton for veracity was none the best.
ventured to differ from an old doctor Of
divinity rs 10 whipping children
Why" said he, "the only time my fa.
49, ,-L;,,,oa - - g.. .tt.-1 =,