The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-08-05
Nasty.
CONTINUED FROM FIRST PAGE.

in order, to give the Republicans SIGH
hiddin ez they never he'd. 1t give me an
opportunity to show that the debt was
made in the interest NV Ablishnism; that,
eff the Republican party he'd never sue
ceeded, there never wood hev bin no debt;
that to git back to gold wood room every
body; and that the Eastern bondhoider
wanted the Western farmer to pay the debt
anyway.
decided to take Issaker Gavtt with me
to act ez Republican interrupter, and he'd
to git him up ez Republican. 1t was
hard job-the hardest l ever undertook.
To metamorphose Cross-l Dads Democrat
into Republican is task that requires
genius; but undertook it, and succeeded
to some extent. l powdered his nose, |
l he'd him shaved, and l put on him a
clean shirt. made him black his boots,
hevin first furnished him with pair, and
then put on him decent SCOT of close,
and made him wear EN- about the corners
awhile till he got yoosed to EN-, and Good
appear easy in EN-. Then | took him and
coached him in the questions WANTED him
to ask. l he'd HIM repeat EN- over and
over again till he he'd EN- by heart, and
told him exactly where in my speech |
wantid him to git in with each Nv EN-.
/ repeated my speech to him dozen times,
and he'd him interrupt me with his questions
or rather the questions | he'd prepared for
him, and then | made the ansers and
instructed him in all the mnutia, even to
his blushin when he sot down discomtittid.
got him SO well instructed that | fiat
tered myself l shood 60 through with a
wet sheet and flown sale, and shood
accomplish a big work for the party.
LATED to think what good thing it wood
be to hev Issaker dressed up ez Republi-
kin, with his nose powdered, and to hev
him asked me SIGH questions ez l Good
anser-askin me ez Republican, and me
putting him to utter shame.
The fust mite l spoke l he'd it all ar
ranged. Issaker wuZ to set in the awjence,
and at the proper time, in all Nv witch he
wuz instructed, he wuz to commence. 1t
wuz a big meetin, the skool house wuz
full, and hoped for great things.
Alars for human expectashuns! l had
bin so bizzy drummin up the meetin thru
the day that l didn't watch Issaker, and
knew nothin Nv wat he wuz doin till | saw
him in his place in the awjence. I COM
menced my speech, and hedn't got decently
into the introducshen-1t think was dwell
when up he got. Great heavens! He
wuz ez drunk ez a billed owl, and hedn't
any more idee Nv wat he wuz doin than a
500 Injun. Risin to his feet, he swayed
around unstedly, and remarked that he
he'd a question to ask. In agony, for
cooden't help myself, sed, "Ask it,
"Ez Republican," sed he
The awience all LATED, for they knowed
by his nose that he was no Republican.
"Ez Republican l want to know
whether debt which wuz incurred tc
nominate Tilden and bring about the bless
ing NV Suthern Confederisy, oughtent tc
be paid by the bloated Democrisy NV Noe
York, which nominated Tilden and paid
the likker bill NV the speaker on the plat
form, who owes me for more than foul
yeer's board, and never paid for a drink il
his life, unless it wuz mistake, and wicl
brot me here to interrupt him, witch swear
I won't do onless he"
"Set down, 700 ideot," l yelled, "anc
don't interrupt me when I'm discussir
great constooshnel questions.
"Ideot yoorself'' yelled 1ssaker, in ;
drunken rage; 81 come here on yoor &C
count, and at yoor expense, to play Repub
likin and interrupt 700, and l won't taxi
no ideot from 700 or any other man.
And the infooriated Best made his wa,
thro that awjence, and precipetatid hssel
unto me, and dragged me off the platform
and whaled me till l thot / he'd gone thr
the entire Rebellion. l he'd no idee afor
ez to wat wuz meant by being whaled.
Wv course the meetin wuz broken up
and the awjence dispersed in row. Issa
ker in his drunkenness went to the neares
bar room, and told EN- all Nv our arrange
ment, and before mornin he'd not only spen
the money l he'd provided him with, bu
he'd pawned the close l he'd furnished him
and l found him in the mornin a mer
wreck.
"Parson," sed the inebriated lunatic, /"
don't suppose l hev bin Nv much yoose t.
the party, and hewitt furthered the coz t
any alarmin extent, but l hev he'd a goo
time! Let US go on to the next town a
once. Get me another SCOT Nv close, an
let us 60 on electin Tilden in this way
And, by the way, can't l fill in my spar
time by arrangin on off mites to be Dino
crat to interrupt Republican Speeker?"
didn't anser him-I wuz too sick. But
witherin him with cuss, l babe him de
part, and borrowed money Nv the Commit
to get on to my next appointment alone.
1t is singler, 700 can't make a Dimocra
without whisky; but by the time they hay
taken enuff Nv it to make EN- secoor, the
are so burnt out that they hewitt eny sens
anyhow, and amt any yoose to the part
am tired Nv it. Eff didn't hev a tollab
hope that Tilden wood be elected, and
wood git that Post-Ofiis, l shood give u
all hopes NV reform, and lay me down an
die. PETROLEUM V. Massey,
WITCH wood like to be Postmaster.