Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-07-17

A for-lawn kind of q man-The land
scape gardener.
The one fly that bOthers man all the
season has picked out his man.
A polite way of putting it-TrOubled
with a chronic indisposition to exertion.
When the young ladies hand you q
card nowadays with the cabalistic letters
y. M. c. A. it means 'yOu may call
again"
A Louisiana wife tried to poison her.
self because her husband, in prayer
meeting. had fervently said amen to the
petition of a girl of whom she was
jealous.
A young doctor to lady patient -
"You must take exercise for your health"
"All right" said she, Il will jump at
the first offer" They were married in
about six months.
Richard Grant White says there is no
such thing as Gin our midst" but we
would like to know where he would To-
cate the pain that makes paregoric a
popular beverage among the young.
A Minnesota girl is named Happiness
Quinn, and half the young men in the
neighborhood wear black eyes for indulg-
ing in certain rights, among which are
life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happi-
ness"
A Worcester mother having occasion
to reprove her seven-year-old daughter
for playing with some rude children, re-
ceived in reply: "Well, ma, some folks
don't like bad company, but l always
did"
1t is said that young Indiana school
mistress thrashed thirty-nine pupils in
one day. Some patron of husbandry
ought to secure the rightand exhibit her
at the Centennial as patent thrashing
machine
A minister travelling through the
West some years ago asked an old lady
on whom he called what she thought ot
total depravity. "0h," she replied, al
think it is good doctrine, if the people
/ would only act up 70 IT,
The little girl who was disappointed
because her name could not be found IL
the Bible, says: "Never mind She viii
be such good girl that if ever anothel
Bible be written, her name shall 90 intC
that"
On what two days in lifetime can ;
I .,o,, Al forfhaok on1 rrhara doo
he travel on those two days? The da,
before his marriage and the day after it
The day before his marriage he is at tn,
Cape of Good Hope, and the day afte
it he is in the United States.
What Mr.. Beck of kentucky said =
"Ben. Bristow was id fool for on
thing-he began to play his reform dodg
too soon. If he had only put it off til
month or two ago. and had the cOuntr.
lust now excited about it, he would hav
gone through that convention like dos
of salts.
A little Kentucky boy said to bi
mother the other morning: Ma, ha
the beautifulist dream last night 20
ever saw. dreampt that | wouldn'
90 10 school, and that you went out int
the yard and cut great long switch
but Just as you were going to give m
; an awful dressin' the world came 10 a
end Didn't get out of that, though
"Well, how do you like the looks {
the varmint ?" said ''Southwester"
a ..down Easter" who was gazing wit
round eyed wonder, and evidently fC
the first TIME. at a huge alligator. wit
wide-oPen jaws, on the muddy banks
the Mississippi. "Wa'al," replied Il
Yankee, .he amt what you may ca
hamsum critter, but he's got deal (
openness when he smiles"
+ A demure-lOoking chap hailed cha
: coal peddler with the query. "Have yC
r got charcoal in your wagon ?' "Ie
I SIR" said the expectaEt driver, stOppiI
his horses. That's right. observed Il
4 demure chap. with an approving noe
always tell the truth and people VI
d respect you;' and he hurried on, mu'
Il 10 the regret of the pedoler, who W
getting out Of the wagon to look for
brick.