The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1876-12-15


/. Holmes TO determine in fiction.
n Those who are interested in an entir,
e ly new field of psychologist inquiry-wh
has often experienced in sleep the e
( quisite delight wandering disrobed, G
' in waking hours have, at the seaside G
r elsewhere, been lifted into new coud
tions Of existence as the clements com
t in contact with the body, viii find in tn
paper just alluded to q curious mass O
suggestion World.
- -
II UNNING FOR GOFERNOR
Marx T'gat" hspfsisss,sss : ssee.f, {: : s.,..sgl,
! 4 rev months ago ! was nominated
for governor of the great state of New
York, to run against Stewart L. Wood
ford and John T. Hoffman, on an indie
pendent ticket. / somewhat felt that !
had one prominent advantage over these
I gentlemen. and that was good character.
1t was easy to see by the newspapers
that if they had ever known what it was
/ to bear a good name, that time had gone
! by. II was plain that in these latter
/ years they had become acquainted with
I all manner of shameful crimes. But at
the very moment that I was exalting my
advantage and joying in it in secret,
there was a muddy under current of dis
comfort riling" the deeps of my happi-
ness-and that was the having to hear
my name banded about in familiar con-
nection with those of such people l
grew more and more disturbed. Finally
I wrote my grandmother about it, Her
answer came quick and sharp. she
said
You have never done one single thing in
all your life TO be ashamed of-uot one.
Look at the newspapers-look at Them
and comprehend what sort Of characters
Woodford and Hoffman are, and then see
II YOU are willing to lower yourself 60
heir level and enter q public canvass with
them.
It was my very thought! / did not
sleep a single moment that night. But
after all, could not recede, 7 was fully
committed and must go on with the
fight As was looking listle-sly over
the papers at breakfast, came across
this paragraph, and I may truly say /
never was so confounded before:
PERJUEY.-Perhaps, now that Mr.. Mark
Twain Is before the people as q candidate for
governor, he viii cOndeScead to explain hoW
he came to be convicted of perjury by thirty
four witnesses, in Wakahak Cochin China
IN 1868, the intent Of which perjury was TO
rob a poor native widow and her helpless
family OF a meagre plantain patch, their only
stay and support in their bereavement au3
their disconsolati0n. Mr.. Twain owes It 90
himself, as well as 20 the great people whose
suffrage he asks, % clear the matter up. VIII
he do it,
thought I would burst with amaze
1 never had seen Cochin China I never
heard of Wakavak. l didn't know plan
tain patch from kangaroo, / did not
know what to DO. was crazed and
helpless let the day slip away with
out doing anything at all The next
morning the same paper had this-noth-
ing more:
SIGNIFICANT.-Mr. Twain il Will be OBJ
served, is suggestively silentabout The Cochin
China perjury.
IMem.--During the rest of the cam
paign this paper never referred to me in
any other way than As ''the infamous
perjurer Twain"
Next came the Gazette with this:
WANTED To KNow-WIll the new caudi-
date for governor deign TO explain to Ger
tain OF his fellow citizens who are suffered
TO vote for him > the little circumstance OF
his cabin-mates in Montana losing small val
- -rs1 1s~ 81
things having been invariably found on sir
Twaiu's person or his trunk newspapers he
rolled his traps inl they felt compelled 10
give him friendly admonition for his own
good, and so tarred and ieathered him and
rode him on a rail, and then advised him TO
leave permanent vacuum in the place he
usually occupied in the camp. VIII he do
this?
Could any thing be more deliberately
malicious than that For never was
in Montana in my life.
After this, this journal customarily
spoke of me as Twain, the Montana
thief.
! got to picking up newspapers appre-
hensively--much as one would lift a de
sired blanket which he had some idea
might have a rattlesnake under it. One
day this met my eye;
THE LIE NAILED BY the swo-n afidavits
of Mcheal O'Flanagan, Esq, OF the Five
Points, and Mr.. Kit Burns and John Allen,
Of Water street, it is established that Mr..
Mark Twain's vile sentiment that the lament
ed grandfather OF our noble standard-bea
John r. Hoffman, was hanged for highway
robbery, is brutal aud gratuitOus lie, with
out a single shadow OF foundation IN fact.
1t is dishearteuing to virtuous men 10 see
such shameful means resorted TO, 70
achieve political success, Is the at
tacking of the dead in their graves
and defling their honored names with
slander When we think OF the anguish
this miserable falsehOod must cause the in
nocent relatives and friends of the deceased.
we are almost driven TO incite an outraged
and insulted public to summary and unlaw
full vengeance upon the traducer. But no
let us leave him TO the agony of a lacerated
conscience Though if passion should get the
better of the public, and in its blind fury
they should do the traducer bodily injury, il
is but too obvious that no jury would con-
Wet and no court punish the perpetrators OF
the deedl
The ingenious closing sentence had
the effect of moving me out of bed with
dispatch that night, and out at the back
door also, while the " outraged and in
suited puDllC SuISCQ III lilt ltbAb way
breaking furniture and windows in their
righteous Indignation as they came, and
taking oil such property as they could
carry when they went. And yet l can
lay my hand upon the book and say that
never slandered Gov. Hoffman's grand
father. More; l never even heard OF
him or mentioned him up to that day
and date.
RI will state, in passing, that the jour
nal above quoted from always referred
to me afterward as Twain, the body
snatcher.'
The next newspaper article that at
tracted my attention was the following:
A SWEET CANDIDATE.-Msrk Twrin, who
was TO make such a biighting speech AT a
mass meeting of the independents last Uight
didn't come TO time! 4 telegram from his
nhysician stated that he had been Knocked
down by "A runaway team and his leg broken
in two places-sufFerer lying in great agony
and so forth and so forth, AMI lot more
bosh of the same sort. And the indepeDd-
ents tried hard 70 swallow the vre;ched sub
ferfuge aud pretend that they dad not know
what was the real reason OF tie absence OF
the abandoned creature whom they denoinl