The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-07-06
SOLEMN FACTS.

is broken and his locks are few.
81 take my tex dis mornin'," said
= colored preacher, "from dat portion
Oh de scriptures where de postel
Paul pin,s his letters to de Fesions.'
A New York vsgrsut, who had
been fined regularly every week for
begging, requested the magistrate to
fine him BY the year a: reduced
rates.
sThss WAS very greedy Of you,
Tommy, to eat your sisters share Of
cake" "You told me, ma, / vas al.
ways TO take her part" said Tommy.
Psrnbrokers have never teen de-
scribed IS the pioneers Of progress,
although must i. be admitted tina.
they are al.sys ready to make N
advance.
No man can do anything against
his will" said 3 me,aphysician.-
Faith, said Pat, Il had brother
who went to prison against his will
faith he did"
"Oh, yes. pretty story; very prob
able, Joseph. You've only been to
to the Devisory Council, indeed
Where did the Eve kinds of hair on
your coat come FROM"
A lazy fellow falling a distance Of
City feet and escaping with only a
few scratches, bystsnder remarked
that be was atoo slow to fall fast
enough to hurt himself"
An old lady recently directed the
attention OF her husband to a pair Of
twins, remarking as she did 50, "How
much .hsss s~s children look alike,
especially the one this way
A lady sas asked to join one Of
the divisions Of the Daughters of
Temperance. She replied, "This
j. unnecessary, as it is my intention
70 join one Of the Sons in a few
weeks"
A young man much enamored Of
witty young lady attempted to put
bis arm around her waist, when she
remarked quickly, "Don't you do it
there's pin-back there" OF course
there was.
Washington Irving once said Of a
pompous American diplomatis', Sab
he is a grea. man, in his own estima.
ton very great man, a man d
weight. When he goes to the Wes
the East tips up"
A doctor attending punster VIII
was very i'll, apoiogized for bein:
late one day by saying that he has
to stop to see a gentleman who hat
fallen down well. "Did he kIcl
the bucket:" quietly asked the pun
ster.
Paddy's description of fddl
cannot be beaten: at is the shap'
of a turkey, and the size Of goose
He turned it over on its belly AM
rubbed its back with a stick, an,
och, by St. Patrick, how i. dl
squale."
"Bill, what brought you to pris
on" "a couple Of constables sir.
"What brought them after you:
"Their legs, suppose" Sand ha
liquor any thing TO do with it," "Ye
ser; Eliza leased me, so ] had I
lick her,"
The Brooklyn argus wants an e,
PLANTATION of the phenomenon "tha
before the reading Of the Bible ever
morning in our public schools, the fe
male teachers always get behing tn
doors and give their bustles an extr
hump"
whats usee play poker, remark
ed almon-eyed denlzen Of Virgini
the other day. "Me holdee fou
kings and lace; Mclean man holde
alice same time four laces and kline
Whole week washee gone likee woot
bine."
One morning little four-year oil
boy lay awake in his crib. His hea
seemed to be stopped with cold.-
After vainly struggling for a Will
to clear it, he exclaimed, "Mamm'
what is the matter with one side {
my nose? 1t won't COZ
Copy was out. The devil picke'
up . paper and said, "Here's some
ting about a woman, shall l cut i
out?" "No." Numbered the edito,
"The first disturbance ever create'
in the world was occasioned by tn
devil foo.ing with = woman"
A miserable old afrmer, who ha
lost one of his best hands in the mids
of hay making, remarked to the sex
ton, Is he WAS filling up the grave
at 10 sad thing to loose such
rood mower in . time like this; blu
after all, poor Tom was a grea: cat
err"
A young man who was inconsider
ate enough to "comet in,' after he
had escorted . girl home from praye
meeting the other evening. was oh
liped to stop to family prayers
which came on very soon; but wher
the pious householder prayed that
..the young man who, for the time