Litchfield enquirer., 1876-01-06
CLIPPINGS

CLIPPINGS >
 Nevada has a population of 50,54O. U Utah has one Gentile to five Mormons.
 A burglars soliloquy-Wateh and pry.
 It is impolite to say man has cheek" say facial area" dlunJ 1! n4
 iesShe stoops to Conquer" was written before the days of pin-back skirts.
 Fifty thousand Hebrews carry on busi- ness in the United States.
 Never promise what you hope ycu will not be called upon to perform.
 "Courtship is biiss," said an ardent young man. "Yes, and matrimony is blister" snarled an old bachelor. l. 1Teacher- ls:pshat is the. definition of Irritation ?" Intelligent young ngpupil-"It Is attention without intention"
 chimney and say there is no place like home at the same time.
 A Broad street woman has died from the effects of going up and down stairs. Another caution to high flyers.
 When Chinese sea captain wants to sell his ship where would he take it !? Why, to the junk dealer of course.
 There's a woman in California 40 years old. who claims to be the oldest woman in the world.T Queer elaip for woman to make. &2AA AA-A'-1@ 1A '-'- '-AA ~
 A writer in the Cleveland Sunday Voice has an article headed, ''How Shall We Rise?" Did he ever try sitting down on a can of nitro-glycerine :?
 sResotued, That if hundreth C. part of the resolutions adopted this month were acted upon. Moody and Sankey would be thrown out of employment.
 There is Q man in Indiana who takes 32 newspapers, and ynu might as welEtry to ride whirlwind on side-saddle as to at- tempt to impose upon that man.
 No Chinese bank has failed for five hun dred years. When the last failure took place the officers heads were cut of. gand+ flung into a corner with the other assets.
 ''Mrs. Henry" said John to his wife, the other morning if you give me a Christ mas present, this year, please arrange it so that the bill won't come in till the next month."
 'Cussed, if the darned* thing ain't ago. | ing! was the surprised remark of sight seeing Granger from Maine, who caressed the teeth of a circular saw in North End blaming mill. ..s..~t. ... ..... ....z
 Over the porch of the old South Church at Boston Is chisseled Behold! I havAS set befure you an open door ' and under, on the door,is printed in emphatic letters. Positively no admittance." allan. That much .talked-of telescope, it is said, has really brought the moon within ten miles of the earth. One or two more turns of the screwlmay bring the. whole thing down on us. T It is said that some people have what is called ''spontaneity," and some people haven't; but nobody ever sat down on a pincushion yet without manifestipg some- la thing surprisingly like t. e1In M
 Says scientific authority-"The wine crop of France, this year, would fill ditch three and half feet wide, three and half feet deep, and 4,O0O miles long. Now don't wish you were that ditch?" tT It Is said that the. Baptist minister who I is carrying on :the pen-fght against the Catholics at Trenton, N. J., is so bitterly opposed to the Roman faith that in man. uscript he will not cross his letter Ts.
 An Austin butcher, named Link, has to stay at home because he got pitched out of his cart, and broke his shoulder. Tho other butchers, who are posted in Dar- wfinissms refer to him in now AS the missing r The Boston Sunday Courier notes the following scene in Mount Pleasant ear: Corpulent Teutonic Dame Gin high key) -"Meeshder Condugher, ven I wants 10 get owet. dots Dover street." (Sensa- ssa0ns & s " onL -
 A bachelor returning from a hall in crowded coach. declared with groan that he had not the slightest objection to rings on his fingers, but he had most unequiv- oual aSersion@to ssbelles on his toes.a1
 Doubtless MT. U. 0. Samples, of Geor- gla, don't appreciate what a narrow escape he had from asfalling trees which. killed f the two mules he was driving. And yet. U 0 Samples of such ingratitude con s'aneiyss sqsas xs=s.4 .ss.ea2.as alyss ra..e &ss There isa compositor on this paper who invariably spells Jerusalem with O G, and all the angels in heaven couldn't convince him that there is such 2. letter as J. His pleasantries will be recognized and we trust properly credited-we have been re- sponsibie for them long enongh. .-Er. Pions old party-'sAnd now, Mrs, Stub bins, Tv one important question to ask. does not Satan ofttimes tell you, that you are not a Christian?" Mrs. Stub- bins-"Yes. 'ee do so." P. O. P.-And what say you to him on these occasions?" kMrss r-s WellyI say, whether hererno, s 1t oant possibly ysbsI aone of is Business.''
 Saturday morning, aftm the warm rain 4 had melted the spotless snow from the glassy ice on the Tagging, Roman step ped from his front door, and sitting down on the sidewalk, surveyed the landscape between his elevated feet, while hymns of praise bubbled up from hls overhowing heasqsT eq TIe IReOoe synaaA 2TAH
 One of Mark Twain's funny stories is that of a Scripture panorama, the propri- etor of winch engaged pianist to play appropriate music The musician, when. the picture of the "Prodigal Son. was passing, struck up "When Johnny Comes Marching Home!' which excited the in- dignation of the moral lecturer.
 Adatkey who W Was stopping ing to o-1 wash his hands in creek, didn't notice the pecu. tar actions Qf goat just lbeh5ndr him. so when heIscramb1ed out of the water, and vas asked how it happened. he. answered i: Idunno, zactly but ,peared as of de shore kinder h'isted and frowed me-"