Union and American. [volume] (Greeneville, Tenn.) 1875-1877, 1876-01-06
'wI- AND EUMoa.
THERE seems, remarks the Chicago
Times, to be a good deal of mad
ness in Gil;Haven's Methodism.

ware peddler the other day. "What's
life TO me, anyhow, but holler and
tin. selli'
WANTED, q country newspaper,
on the line of a railroad, to tell the
truth, the whole truth, and moth
ing but the truth about that rail
road.
How MANY young men scattered
all over the county are trying to get
a word to rhyme with Centennial
is a problem that will never be
solved.
LASDLADY (fiercely)-- "You
mustn't occupy that bed with your
boots on" Boarder--'Never mind,
they're an old pair. | guess tie bugs
won't hurt EN-. Let 'em rip any
how"
A DESERTED husband in Balti-
more advertises his wife as having
left his bed and board, and offers
a reward of $50 to any white man
who will marry Der and take her to
California.
THE Troy Press saye: GA teacher
in one of our prominent female
seminaries on the Hudson, on be-
inc asked by a Young lady OF her
class what pig iron is, replied, Iron
given in exchange for swine
A HINT for Beecher. A New
Jersey man was summoned by his
church to appear and answer GER
tain charges, and he went there
and whipped sever men, cleared
the church and locked the doors.
A GIRL with three arms is attract
ing attention in Tcscelc, near jail
apa, Mexico, and when she gets
her two arms around her husbands
neck, she still has one arm to tiirt
with the fellow across the street.
CHARLES SAID a young wife to
her husband, as they sat in the win
dow watching the fashionables on
their way to church, "when you
die and | get the insurance money
Intend to have IL fur cape and muff
just like that lady has on over
there"
IT must not he inferred hal be-
cause the newspapers are full of
whisky just now, the editors are in
a similar cond ton. At this hazard
Gus season Of the year the indus,
trious journalist refreshes himself
with nothing stronger than boiled
ice.water.
CARE you a ChristainF' asked
Mrs. Van Cott at revival meeting,
OF newspaper man who had taken
front seat that he might better re-
port the proceedings. 81 guess not,
I'm a reporter" She passed on to a
more hOpelul case.
In his last Sundays sermon, Mr..
Beccher said, "a man had better
throw himself before wolves than
confess a grievious sin to men" 1t
is not the first time that he has
given such advice from the pulpit;
and some people think that lie has
practiced what he breaches.
"Maria" said Mr.. Dalton, as he
was putting on his clothes, there
amt no patch on them breeches
yet" Il can't fix t now, no way
I'm too busy" "Then give me the
patch and I'll carry it around with
me; l don't want people to think
that l can't afford to buy the cloth"
"MRs, SAGE, 1 should like to know
whose ferry boats those are that l
tumbled over in the hall 7" Ferry
boats, indeed, sir! They are my
shoesl Very polite of you to call
'em ferry boats y Didn't Say
ferry boats, Mrs. Sage; you misun.
derstood me-.5airs boots | said,
my Gear friend"
If you will carry business prob
lens into the bosom of'your fam
lily, dream over them at night, and
get absorbed in them again while
making your morning toilet--if you
will do the, why, don't expect your
wife to sympathize with your efforts
to sharpen your tooth. brush on
your razor strop, that's all.
A REvENaEFUL youth the other
day gave his opinion that the rea
son why a boy don't love his elder
sister is because every time
she expects her beau she corners
him up with a basin of soap,suds
and u scrubbing brush, and goes
through him as though he had no
more feeling than ar old brass ket-
tie.
A DETRoITER, who did not exact
ly know how to get a letter regis
tered, sent some money away the
nn, loy Ha urote nm fha envel.