South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-10-06
WIT AND IIUNIOR

y "a
proofjacket, your grace "Put IL on"
The inventor obeyed. The Duke rnnp
bell. An aid de camp presented him.
self. Tell the captain OF the guard to
order one Of his men to load with bali
cartridge" The inventor disappeared.
and was never seen again near the Horse
Guards. No money wa. wasted on that
invention.
~ Not thousand miles from Rich.
mond. a,wife lay in dying condition.
Having brought up clever orphan Girl,
who was grown, the dying woman called
the young woman to her and said: IL
Will soon leave my little children moth.
erles,. They know YOU and love YOU.
and after am gone. want you and my
husband to marry" The young woman.
bursting into tears, said we were Just
talking about that"
Ma, did YOU saw that pa was
ever engaged to Miss Sally Sniff kins?"
Indignant mother in reply-"He. he.
my dear, lie never even looked at her"
Innocent but persistent chld-"Ma.
if he had married Miss Ssilie Sniffkins.
would have been red headed?"
CLUBS FOR EDIroRs. Tommy. my
Son, what are you doing 10 DO with that
~ - h. Il. L
course" But what are you going to
send it to the editor for?'' "'Cause he
says if anybody will send him a club.
lie will send them copy of his paper"
The mother came near fainting, but re.
covered herself sufficiently to ask, but.
Tommy, dear, what do YOU suppose he
wants with a club" well. | don't
know replied the urchin, unless it is
to knock down subscribers rs don't pay
for their papers. I suppose there are
plenty Of such mean people" That
boy stands a chance for the Presidency.
If he lives.
tS'"Pcoplc may say What they will
about country air being so good for
them said Mrs. Darlington, land how
they get fat upon it for my part, I
shall always think it is OWN TO the Wit.
ties. Air may do for camamiles and O.
Their reptiles that live on il, bnt know
chat men must have something more
suhstantialler."
IVA Connecticut school marin. who
was recently kissed in the dark by mis-.
take, explained her omission to use any
light for nearly two weeks afterwards,
on the ground Of hard times
ASrA 4 little boy, six years old, and
little girl, eight, we're looking at the
clouds one beautiful summer evening.
watching their fantastic shapes, when
Che boy exclaimed. "Oh, Minnie, see
deg in the sky - Well, Willie" re.
piled tho sister, "it must be sky ter.
rier."
~ 4 gentleman caught negro car.
ryinG OF some OF his fancy poultry the
other night What are you doing with
my chickens he yelled. II was gwinc
fer ter fetch en- back, boss Dcre's =
Niger round here what's been 'sputin'
longer me but dem chick'ns. | scd
they waz Coachin Chyniz an he sed
dty was Alabamer pullots, an WIZ
Jest takin EN- FER ter 'stablish my mol
iege."
lV' do you want to Kill the child?'
exclaimed a gentleman as he saw ma
vy.yard boy tip the baby out Of its car
rage on the walk NO, not quite" re
piled the boy but il can get him tc
bawling mother will take care OF him
while 60 aad waGe in the ditch with
Johnny Brace. %
How He TRAPPED HER.-A gentle
man who was obliged 20 ride over the
WoOnsocket Branch OF the New York
and New England Railroad, and had
been greatly annoyed by having packa.
gcs stolen from him in tie cars, conclu
led to trap the thief lie procured q
long, striped snake, put him in a collar
box, and, on entering tho cars, Laid it on
he seat beside him. Soon a portly oil
lady came putting into the car AMI took
seat beside the gentleman in question
who was apparently absorbed i'm reading
au evening paper II wasn't long be
fore 10 disappeared under her shawl
and her curiosity soon lcd her TO opou
The box 70 look AZ her prize, md tbr
snake slided into her lap The seen,
can bc better imagined than described
but that man never lost any more pack
ages.
E(Dle Younger ono of tln N.ri,