The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-11-16
Rlpples.

resembles four quart Jug is that it
holds gallon.
An ancient horn was lately dug up
near Cambridge. It is supposed to
have belonged to one of the old toot-
ers of the college.
It is conjectured that Cowper. who
ssowed for lodge in some vast wilder
ness," must have belonged to the Bio
logical society.
(Which falls most frequently from
hickory-nut trees, boys or nuts - is
the question now agitatirg Kentucky
debating societies.
The old adage, 'Don't look a gift
horse in the MOUTH has been i'm
proved on, and now reads "Never
look a gift mule in the hind foot
Spilkins being requested to just get
up and light the fire this morning,
protested that such a request was not
just-a-fire-ble under any circumstances.
A wild turkey collided with the
headlight of a locomotive of Wabash
train near Fort Wayne the other day,
breaking the glass and it's own stupid
neck.
Gorgeous sunsets are so scarce this
Autumn that several thousand Amer
lean poets are anxiously waiting for a
chance to earn little money shoveling
snow.
Priest-Now tell me, Doolan, truth
fully. how often do you go to the chap
ell Pat-Well now, shure DILL tell
yer reverence the trut. Faix. go as
often can avoid.
Farmers daughter "What nasty
weather we've been having lately,
Mr.. Swizzle.'' Mr.. Swizzle: .'Oh,
yes, Miss Betty, very wet, indeed but
it's been mainly outside wi me-
When the Rhode Island militia pa
raded the other day you might hear
the officers thunder forth their COM
mands: "Guide right; steady, men !;
don't push any one over into Connecti-
cut %
"Why didn't you put on clean COL
lar before you left home e. called out
an impairment fop to an omnibus driv-
er. "'Cause your mother hadn't sent
home my washing" was the extin-
gushing reply.
A bashful young man of Burlington,
says the Hawkeye, while out driving
with the dearest girl in the world the
other day, had to get out and buckle
the cruper, and hesitatingly explained
that the animals hustle had come
loose.
1t is singular fact, just now, that
If you go to collect a bill of man, he
has gone to the Centennial, while if
you are obliged to pay him a hat on
election, he may be found out in the
woOd-shed whiting, with profound
contempt for Philadelphia.
A porcupine was in Slated box in
Syracuse railroad depot. An unsus.
pecting man sat on the ibox. Anoth-
err man stirred up the porcupine. The
first man suddenly arose, and acted
like man who had been punctured by
a hundred hot pins.
A church usher remarks that he can
tell an engaged from married couple.
When he sees two young persons seat
ed IN the centre of pew, he makes up
his mind they are engaged /; but when
one is at the head and the other at the
foot of the pew, he Immediately de-.
termines that they are married.
''Private Panel, you are wrong to
smoke so persistently. Tobacco is
poisonous. "Ah, sergeant, it's a jok.
ing you are ''Inever joke, and least
of all with my interiors;" "But,
sergeant. my grandfather has smoked
ever since he was weaned, and now is
seventy four" "And what does that
prove! Perhaps if he had not smoked
he would have been ninety by this
time
A few days ago Gold Hitler lay
upon his death-bed. The minister
called and inquired with feeling
''Well. my dear brother, how do you
find yourself to-day - Just $685."
gasped the dying man family; '.it's
six an six, and if Goddlemighty don t
turn the jack on me I'll pull through. :"
The jack was turned, and the funeral
was a perfect success.
Mr.. Sturgeon. in his hospital Sunday
sermon, told the story of sick man
who begged priest to give him a
crown. The priest refusing. he begged
for farthing. no" again said the
ecclesiastic but kneel down. and
will give you my blessing" "Not SO"
answered the invalid ''if you will not
help my necessity. do not want your
blessing "And he was right"
said SpurgeOn. A man who would
do nothing to keep alive poor cneat.
ure's body could do little for his son. y
A young Danbury boy proposed to
his father that he go fishing. but his
father had other business for him that
day. Father" said the young man.
''Do you know what Solomon said
about boys going fishing - Solomon
didn't say anything about it." replied
the parent. ''Yes he did. He said. if
you spare the rod you spoil the child"
II won't spare it said the old gentle
man. promptly. And he didn't. but
the son thinks he got hold of the
wrong rod.
An inebriate, some little time hack
got into q car and became very trouble
some and annoying to the other pass
engers. so much that it was proposed
To eject him. hut 4 genial ana L.a