The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1876-04-06
SECRETARY TAFT.
An Alleged Account Of HIS FIST An-
view with the President.

Ert view WIFI tu0
Fat Contributor in Saturday Night.
Although one of the best lawyers in
the country, Judge Taft don't know any
thing about war. He never fired OH
two-horse lumber wagon. But he Is de-
termined to learn The other day Grant
dropped in at the War Office and found
his new Secretary deep among Official
documents. -,
"Pos:ing yourself up Alphonso| said
the President with an encouraging smile.
eyes" said the Judge, eagerly, II want
to know everything pertaining to the
business. have been running over the
disbursements of the department tor the
last year, to see what was expended for
catapults.'
For cata- what?" said the Presi-
dent, pausing as he was about to strike q
match on his boot, to light fresh cigar.
"Catapults. You haye them In the
army, haven't. you?" said the Judge, in
rather an uncertain tone OF voice.
The President smiled little, and
said they did have few left over from
the war, but he believed they had all
been used up. Then the Secretary SAID
ne should certainly order some more
made. for he considered the catapuit one
of the most effective weapons in modern
warfare. "They did great execution at
the seige' of Jerusalem, as remember
reading" unused the Secretary, "apd 1t Is
doubtful whether Tiberous would have
been able to have reduced the city with
out them"
Grant looked Mt the new Secretary
through the cigar smoke few moments,
and told him il he ordered any catapuits
he had better have them ''rihed," with
an adjustable muzzle-loading bayonet,
and the Secretary made memorandum
TO that effect.
Il see that considerable money has
been spent in experimenting with torpe-
does" continued the Secretary, looking
over the disbursements. "That seems
to be Il waste OF money, and it encourage
ages bad habit among children. Seri-
Gus accidents have frequently resulted
from little boys throwing torpedoes un-
der horses feet on the Fourth of July,
aud it ought TO he stopped"
The President remarked that the tor
pedo wasn't thing to fool with, and the
Secretary read on Suddenly he jump
ed to his feet while the hot, Indignant
blood flashed to his very temples as he
exclaimed: "No wonder the country Is
Impoverished, and the taxpayer grooming
beneath his burden. Here, while
trade langushes and the wheels ofinGus-
try are cloggcd all over the land, my
predet essor has been shipping luxurious
delicacies to the garrison Of our forts,
thinly concealed under the term Shell
What does shell mean? Shell oysters, OF
course! That's what it means. But
they don't get any she'll while l am Sec.
rotary. | II settle that"
That's right" said the President.
"If they get any oysters, make them
Shell out for them, themselves" and
then he added aside to himself, "they
would have to II they bought them of
one OF Belknap's post traders"
"Yes;" continued the Secretary, ''look
at the quantity of grape or hand, classed
among Munitions of War What does
grape mean and what is it for?'
III 10 10 wash GOWN Tue smell Oysters
with, | suppoie, sand Grant, with mer-
ry twinkle in his eye, which the Judge
didn't sec.
CHATS it, exactly" cried thu Judge.
excepting the soldiers on wine and oys-
tiers, While thousands OF people are wan
lrrIng around III hopeless search for Il
free lunch. tell you, 'Lyssis, this is
sCaudaious!
The President, a he arose to 60, sad
he VS. clad he had Il Secretary of War
length, who was determined TO look into
things and reform abuses, and cautioning
him not TO forget 10 have those caiapults
riied, he returned to the White House
with q broader grin on his tacc than any
body had ever seen there before.