Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1876-02-18

The subject of professional
Blunders''came up at clerical din
ner-company some time ago, and
the question went round to each as
follows:
"Were you ever so placed in pub
lie in the performance of q service
as to lose all sense of the solemnity
of the occasion and be compelled to
laugh in spite of your more seri-
Gus self"
The following are some of the
answers, as revealing the hidden
but unforgotten experiences of min
isterial accidents. Case number
one was as follows:
81 was holding prayer meeting
in " Wesiern town in the early days
of my ministry, and as there was no
one to raise the tune, l tried myself
to do it. The hymn began
With nyssoP purge tn servant, Lord,
And so clean shall be.
Ny first attempt was failure; when
tried tune number two | found it
was long metre; tune number three
was another long metre aud as / had
come to the end of my stock, l stood
still for moment looking at the
page. Thereupon an old woman
stood up by the door and spoke out
in shrlll piping voice: 'Yoa don't
seem to get on very well with hys-
sop, suppose you try some other
yarbp What could l do but burst
out in an all-conquering laugh, OF
die if suppressed it ?"'
Here was case number two
81 was conducting the funeral of
a parishioner, and, suppOsing that
the choir was present, gave out the
hymn. Nc response came. As
there was no one to raise the tune, l
boldly essayed to do it. But, to my
horror, | found it was too short for
the words no one could follow me
in my lengthening process, so | had
it all nv own way, and sang it as Il
solo. When l came to verse number
two, | thought for long time, and
then, feeling sure that l was right
this time, pitched the tune, but it
was SO high | could not pretend to
follow it, and left it for two or three
volunteer ladies to carry on as best
they could. But, to my dismay. l
found that even this would not do
it was a long-metre tune to COM
mon-metre hymn, and it came to an
ignominious close at the end OF the
secondline. The words were solemn,
the occasion was solemn, | felt for
the mourners, l felt for myself, but,
wanting to be brave and prevail
oyer the difficulty, | stood a moment
and then struck up again. This time
l was down in the very depths in
my effort not to pitch it too high,
and again / was on long metre,
which | could not make short enough
for the hymn. Do what l would |
could not tuck it IN, and the hymn
Hear what the voice from heaven declares:
is forever ruined for me. No Won
der that family never wanted to have
Dr. at the funeral of any Of
their friends"
Case No. 8 was that of very
solemn clergyman and his assistant,
who were disturbed in their chancel
by miserable looking street cat,
which had come in by some unknown
way and was rubbing up against
their legs, me-owiI G pileOusly. The
Rector beckoned to the assistant to
put the cat out, which he did, but in
a few moments she was back again.
Upon this the very solemn Rector
placed the poor creature under one
of the heavy box-stools in the chan
Gle, and placing his foot on this i'm
proverished kennel, gave out the
hymn beginning
A charge to keep have.
A venerable Professor who was
present at this experience meeting"
related his ordeal of humor as fol-
lows "The Rev. D. was in
vited to preach before the central
meeting house of the town. Two of
the young ladies' boarding schools
and the boys of the academy were
present. 1t was ar audience ready
for anything to amuse them.
"Just as the preacher announced
his text a fiuttering was heard in
the window, and in walked a large
black hen. With that peculiar
hen-like walk, in which the stretch
ed-out head and neck keep time to.
the movement of the feet, she ad-
vaneed to the side of the minister,
and unmindful of the audience,
peered over the open pulpit-plat-
form, down on to the pews below.
Uuabashed by that sea of faces, she
seemed to be looking about for
some place to lay an egg. The
preacher looked at her; the boys
and girls were dying to seize the
opportunity, and make a scene in
church, cast their eyes upon her
longingly. The entire church was
still when the Rev. Dr. said TO
me, as l was sitting in the front pew,
Prof. P, will you remove that
bird p
If be had asked me to storm a
battery, | would have been as will
ing as | was then to risk the failure
of catching that hen. But with
solemn face and stately step, as if
giving out the aims boxes, | walked
up to the bird, and in an instance of
silence, the like of which never ex-
perienced before, L caught the hen
and disappeared into the vestry-
room. But to this day ask myself
the question of the other side of the
issue; Suppose you had failed to
catch that hen, what would you
have done ?"
The last experience related was
that of Clergyman at his first bap-
tism of infants. He was very young
in years, and had never before held
a baby that he could remember of,
much less held baby and a book
in the presence of a church full
of people. The first infant given
into his arms was big, sqnirming
boy of Is months, who Immediately
began to corkscrew his way through
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