The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-01-01
VARIETY.

RATs.-TO get rid of rats, pull down the house.
SOW the foundation with arsenic, and build upon
the site an enclosure of stone filed with hungry
cats.
g Well, Ill divorce you, this time but mind,
not an other decree shall you have from this court
till you are 49, said stern Judge out West as
he granted divorce to petitioner of l6.
Wisconsin editor illustrates the prevailing
extrayagance of people, nowadays, by calling at
tenton to the costly babycarriages in use, while,
when he was a baby, they hauled him around by
the hair of his head.
PUT HIM IN MIND.-A consequential Young fop
asked an aged country sexton if the ringing Of a
bell did not put him in mind of his latter end
No, sir" replied the grim old grave-digger,
:" but the rope puts me in mind of yours.
INDUsTKIoUs.-In modern Greece, says a travel
er, 80 No lady's visit is admitted by the lady of
the house if the vsitress does not bring her work
with her, without which she would be
Obliged TO remain idle, which ia neither more nor
less than SIM
AN ESTRY.-A superintendent of police once
made an entry, from which the following is an
extract The prisoner set upon me, called me
an ass, precious dolt, scarecrow, ragamufin,
an idiot-all of which certify to be true
DARwIsIsx.-A little FIVE -year-old who was
always allowed to choose the prettiest kitten for
a pet and playmate before the nurslings were
drowned. was taken to his mothers sick room the
other morning to see two tiny new twin babies.
He looked reflectiyely from one to the other for
a minute or two, then, pOking his chubby finger
into the cheek of the plumpest baby, he said,
decidedly, I" Save this one
A hotel-keeper in Stirling, having got in cask
OF whisky, was busy engaged in the cellar trans
ferring the liquor, by means of a pump, to his
own barrels. Assisting him in this operation
was his man John, whose mouth was watering all
the time at the smell of the spirits he liked SO
well. The hotel-keeper received call from his
good wife to the upper regions, to speak to some
gentlemen who desired to see him and, being
afraid to trust John alone in the presence of such
a great temptation as the pump presented, he at
length hit upon the expedient of chalking Johns
lips with the piece Of chalk used in scoring the
number Of gallons. John was agreeable, and at
once held up his lips to be chalked. The master,
however, merely made pretence of doing 80, by
drawing his thumb across Johns lips, and the
man, believing all fair, at once began pumping
away with vrtuous yigor that seemed proof
against all temptation, while the master went up
stairs. When he returned, in the course of half
an hour, John was still as industrious as ever.
OF course he had A" never tasted drop" but the
curious thing was that his lips were now very
carefully chalked.
Love BY TELEGRAPH.-The GeelOn0 Advertiser
says that a telegraph operator was sadly taken in
a few days ago, and caused a deal of amusement
amongst the officials in the Office in which he is
located For some time previously he had been
an the habit of passing Jokes. &C., with lady
operator in distant township, and managing to
obtain her name, the friendship was cemented,
although the parties were unknown to one an
other. This state of things continued for some
time until one day the lady operator an
nounced to be at the door of the Office wishing to
see the operator who so long had kept up 81 in
terestiDg and intimate an intercourse by wire.
When the young fellow-who had always sup
posed his female friend to be, his fancy painted
her, q youthful charmer-yiewed her he was
thoroughly taken aback, as she was quite old
enough to be his mother. OF course, he made
himself thoroughly agreeable with her, and re-
ferred to the jokes they had cracked, but it is
needless to add no more messages passed between
the two individuals.
Yankee traveller out west has written to his
mother, telling her of his experience as follows
:" Western people are death on etiquette. You
can't tell 4 man here that he lies without fight
ing. A few days ago man was telling one of
his neighbOrs, in my hearing, pretty large
story. Says l Stranger, that's whOpper'
SAYS he: Lay there, stranger, and in the twink
ling of an eye found myself in the ditch, per-
feet quadruped. Upon another occasion says to
O man never saw before, as woman passed
This isn't specimen of your western women,
is it?' Says he: You're afraid of fever and
ague, amt your VerJ- much, says l. Well,
replied be, that lady is my wife; and If you
don't apologize in two minutes by the honor of
he held cooked in his hands shall cure you of
that disorder entirely So l knelt down and
politely apologised- L admire the western coun-
try much but durn me if / can stand SO much
etiquette-it always takes me unawares."
RAID AGAINST " PULL-BACKs.''-The Catholic
-curate of St. John Baptiste, In the province of
Quebec has declared unrelenting war against
the present style of female dress by announcing
that he will not administer the Sacrament to
those women who hereafter wear low-necked
dresses or pulled-back' skirts. This makes
a good square issue between the Church and
the fashion, and the fight will undoubtedly be
very lively one. Heretofore the Church has had
fights of this kind on its hands and has sometimes
come out successfully, but it has never had such
an opportunity for it's toughest blows and lOudest
fuIminations as now, for if there ever was fash
ion for which lovely woman will fight bleed and
die, it is the pull-baek." Having once tasted
che luxury of exhibiting her pretty form, she
will do her level best to prevent going back into
hoops. She viii pull-back harder than ever
against the prudish curate, and we believe she
win win We don't believe the curate can cure
it.-CaicaqO 7FibuRe, Sept. l4th.