The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-03-18


health of the people, thought hes been turned
in other directions. The Boston B"||ettH' how
ever, resumes the cheerful theme with marked
success Observe;
Tptaph for liar;
In lie he lied while he had breath
And strange TO say, lies still IN death.
FOR an angler-Waiting to rise
FOR bakcr-ie Eneads no more on earth.
FOR betting man" Better OF"
For q brewer:
well.known brewer leth here;
His ais nrc Oer-he's on his bier
For waiter" Only waiting"
For Doctor" Waiting with patients
For beggar-I asked for bread and they gave
ne stone.
For q bootblaek-With the shining ones.
FOr potter:
Or earth he oft turned clay TO deli.
But now hos turned 10 clay himself.
For razor grinder-Under ground.
For dressmaker-" For the fashion Of this
world passeth away"
For musical director:
in beating Time hi, life was passed,
But Time has beaten him at last
For sgilor-Ancbored
For an auctiOneer-Gone.
For a watchmaker-StoppeG.
For barber-Scent ahead.
For Il wheelwright-Tired OF life.
For n egrapher-Dispatched
For u scalemaker:
His weighs were the ways of picasaEtnc's
In all life's ftful dream;
He struck balance with the world,
And then-he kicked the beam.
The largest feet Known to history must be
those Of the Maryland editor who writes: I'VE
black our boots with 100000 boxes OF domes-
lie backing year"
Allen Smith, Of Wisconsin, tried 20 commit
suicide, last week, with marriage license IN his
pocket. He wGs cut down before life was eK'
tlnct The young man probably mistook the
character OF the document he had, and hung
himself under the impression that ii was a IL
censc 10 commit suicide. In such nice points Il
man is likely 10 make mistake unless he il very
careful.-CM. Times.
Bcecher threatens the New York Sun with a
libel suit The So. rcjo!nH "Go on, Bcecher,
the case is plain. We pronounce YOU an adult
orer, liar and periurer. Star. your libel suit"
correspondent who reads tina, William
Worth Bclknap was named after a great man
,nccr.ngly asks, "Whlt wGs william worth"
Answer: Abou. s2o,0nO
Though she said "you hadnt oughter and 81
have saw" people knew she was an intelligent
and refined lady and freely gave her the cn'ree
10 the best society in town because she dressed
splendidly, wore 500 furs, kept three girls and
hired man, gave parties, and her house was heat.
ed with furnace.
Be.kaGp has never been AZ officer nI The rcgu.
lar army, and hc is not n West Pointer, He's d
sort Of dissppoirtcr.
Kcely says il vat not al explosion, bat mere.
the flying out Of a plug, though it demolished
so buildings and tore up several rods Of side
~. >. yIa1
commissioners have ordered lin 81 keep al 4
distance 81 two miles With h.s p!ugs.
The Buffalo Erpre>, thus squc!ches local ORA
ma;ist: ~ literary gentleman in Buffalo is writ
ing play entitled, Tie Idiot Witness, or The
Vow PUZZLED 1t sort o. dramatic .utobi.
ography."
il wHs Archbishop Waa't.y who announced
that Nosh's ark was u:sGc OF gopher wood, while
Joan Of Arc was maid Of Orleans
4 clever fickpocke; in the Hippolromc at
New York, observing a detective watching him,
called for Mr. Moody and became converted on
the spot
Mayor Crookrr, o. Mendoza, with llll dozen
q; gay and les,i,c cumparious, il of on another
@! their semi annual camping tours 10 the Win.
LsUa-O hNhHpe NutS GhtAa.1 N.E' alpHE tnN,
Gont. two shot guns, Eve pounds Of ammunition
10 boxes C.! cigar, two barrels IL fine ct scy
teen Gerks Of cards, aud lali q car load OF -rU
ceric., principally We. They 20 70 shoe, ducks
bat 60 luV' .o-ai.ng and appe;is!u. Il his mcah.
my lo1,r from the restraints ul cit, customs al
ways found, that they never bring home an,
ducks, but eat al hey Kill, though they "a!
when they get home The ducils were plenty an,
TIE slaughter Wa fearful
John Lfnger aud Joseph Hal; are u walk
match ~ Savannah. ", don't src how such nae
tan mako good time. Detroit f0, PTsss.
kangaroo steaks have teen Introduced 10 IN
tables Of France. aud the Frog are beginning
breathe easier.
The H1opesiour Chyoaa,.s TidicYlc- tue Bloom
instou Fr.'ogroE, for saying one ye.rffon G.
dsy az rich sthI new prrs'1cE sill Pc inau.
u-aisd" d., because the next ith oi Marc
comes on SUNDAY, and says the 'tryA-.. IL
contrary % al precedent 10 iaaugura,c q Pres
dent OIL tlc Sabbath DAY Tie fh11as' max,
. a. bic b,uuj-r 90 the F.s'egrf.h. The " sa
bath day Is the IN day Of the weei, OF Sa,u
day. sunday = the Gr-t day oi the We,
several presidents have beer iral -ur.,ed 'n q
S-bo-ih day
When Bessie Tune, WHO 8. n Lrr Iccigr.r
tour REGISTERS her uane sae ask, The bot
clerk 10 give her quiet room NleIe shc ",
not D. disturbed by The trampug through q
han aud o.herwise, De g,-nces q: the slgnsiur