The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-12-16
BUDGET OF FUN.
l,roOrnstick Law.

lirOOmstick Law.
The morning train on the ONO ~ MISSES
ippi Road Yves whirling along TO us destina-
ton. 81. Louis. when conductor Maiht was
seized by the buttOn-hole and pair or "Inno
cents abroad" sought for information.
"You see, mister, me and Andrew is going
down 10 East St. Louis on business. It's par.
ticular, and we'd like to know if you can tell
us if there is Squire living handy where
we get off The truth is, mister, me aud An
drew is going down to get hitched. If you
can tell as about Squire down there it might
save time. I've come away and left the iron
ing, and Andrew ought to churn to.day-tor
there amt a speck Of butter in the house"
The conductor assured them that they would
have no difficulty In finding q Squire; also
that this magistrate when found, would end
their troubles in no time.
She laughed at the conductors encourage.
ment.
THAT is just the man we're looking Tor,
amt 1t, Andrdw?"
II s'pose So" was his hesltatlng reply.
His answer was not what she expected.
80, you only s'posc so, do you? Then you
can s'pOse so alone"
She bounded over into another seat, ana
commenced to study the beauties OF the lakes
and marshes along the American bottom.
That brought him to terms.
MARY Jane, come back here want 10 tell
you something"
She looked at him scornfully; then reIcnt-
ed, and came back.
This here train o. cars is gon' a"iul las'
amt it?'
Eyes, s'pose SO. But what was you going
to tell me?"
"If we keep on going so fast, in lessn an
hour we !! be there. Don't 1t make you feel
Uneasy, Mary Jane?'
mo, it don't. If you wasn't goose, An
drew, YOU wouldn't mind it either. Everybody
gets married some time or other, 1t amt no.
worse for US than it is for other folks. liant
YOU got nothing but that to tell me?'
lie thought it over a moment, but didn'tre-
member anything else She pouted, and was
about to return to her seat by the window
again. He caught her by the hand, and she
was willing to be caught and remain
When the train arrived at East st. Louis
this country Andrew and his Mary Jane went
at once in quest of "a Squire who would make
them one After little laundering they found
the office and the man. He was sweeping out
his courtroom. When they entered he Dust
cd off two chairs, and SAID If their business
was not very urgent lie would hnish sweeping
Five minutes would make everything tidy
and nice.
"GivC me that broom, Squire, and, Andrew,
YOU .ell the man what's wanted"
She was not going to wait for Il man S awk-
ward sweeping.
"He says he can't do it, Mary Jane. 1t
wouldn't be lawful without Il license. Amt
thatrough on us?'
License 90 and she dropped the broom in
establishment. mister, me and Andrew wants
to get married; that's what we want It's not
likely we ever sell whisky or keep hotel.
When we do, we'll come to you first for q Ii
ceDse.
"But YOU cant get married in Illinoy with
out license" said the Justice dryly.
License to get married! Well, times has
come to dreadful state. Folks can't get
married IN Ilinoy without license. There's.
the ironing to be done to-day; and Andrews
got to churn And there's Wiss Witherway
to keep IN good humor she's the woman me
and Andrew live with, and she's the crosseSt
woman IN Ridge Prarie) and all this has got
to happen atore shutdown"
II am sorry" said the Justice, "but you
must 90 to the Court House IN DellViilc and
get your license before | can marry you"
ii reckon we II have to go home without it,
Mary Jane" remarked the groom.
~ reckon you're Il goose If you think m
going home again as Mary J ane McMlchael.
No, sir!'
She picked up the broom ana moved toward
the Justice. He prudently fell back behind a.
table. lie didn't know what was coming
next, but she did.
"Come here, Andrew, and stand up along.
side of me-
The groom did as he was bid.
Now, Squire, you go ahead and do thIs|
MARVIN or there's going to be trouble"
The prudent Justice wanted 10 demonstrate
but she wouldn't listen to word OF it. She
handled the broom in way that was trying
10 n peaccable mans nerves. He was forced
TO make them man and wife.
Its strong hitch, Squire? 1t will hold
as good as any, she asked.
30 yes, you're married strong enough
Then pay the gentleman, Andrew, and lets
be going home. I'm bound to finish the IRON
ing to-day if | am a new married woman,
Good bye, Squire. When folks is IN hurry
there amt no better law agoIng anywhere
than booom-stick law. Come, Andrew. =
Ndc YorL XercurY.
One of the teachers in Methodist Sunday
school was "stumped" badly Sunday alter,
IL, ham Ia