The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1876-07-22
HUMOROUS.

HUMOROUS.
Professor c." Mr., what will
be the effect II hold piece OF calcite
in the blow-pipe fame ?" Student
1t will get hot"
Henry V. belts are the latest feml-
nine freaks in that line. They are pro-
badly so called because It costs Henry
a V every time his wife purchases one.
An Essex farmer is obliged to chalk
his nose every time he takes a walk
round the farm, to save himself from
an old bull which has strong antpathy
to red.
Harry give me bite of your ap-
ple," said one little fellow to another.
No." refused Harry, eating away
rapidly. You wouldn't like this il
Is cooking apple-and never give a
Fellow a bite of cooking APPLE"
William Morning, James. see
your gals ha' got new gov ness; what
sort OF pusson is she ?" James
Well, hi can't 'zactly say, as hi don't
ave much to do with Ter class, but hour
ladies down stairs don't think much of
'er."
A colored preacher, in translatinp to
his hearers the sentence, "The harvest
Is past, the summer is over, and we are
not saved" put it, De corn has been
cribbed, dere amt any more work, and
de deebil is still foolin' wild dis commu.
nty." 10
A scotch minister recently told bis
neghbor that he spoke two hours and a
half the Sunday previous. Why,
minister, were you not tired to death9''
asked the neighbor. Aw, nae," said
he, " l was as fresh as rose but it
would have done your heart good to seq
how tired the congregation was"
Lady Now, Mr.. Snapper, as T
saw you at church last Sunday, tell me
what you think Of our new preacher p
Snapper " think he would be a first-
class martyr at the stake" Lady
why so, Mr.. Snapper ?" Snapper
Because he is so very dry"
A young clergyman, whose reputa-
ton for veracity was none of the best.
yentured to differ with an old Doctor OF
Divinity as to the propriety of whipping
children. " Why" said he, the only
time my father whipped me was for tell
ing the truth" Well," retorted the
doctor, " it cured you OF it, didn't P"
A practical joke was once attempted
to be played on Mr.. Erskins, as hs
went one day to Westminster Hall,
with his ample bag crammed full of
briefs. Some waggish barristor hired a
boy to go and ask him If he had "any
old clos to sell ?" "No you little imp"
exclaimed the indignant counsellor,
they are all new suits"
The following belongs to "Green
Erin," and may be seen on tombstone
in town near Dublin:
| Here lies the body OF John Mound
| Lost ut sea and never found"
The following Is rather equivocal
a." Maria Brown, wife of Timothy
Brown, aged 80 years. She lived with
her husband 80 years, and died in the
confident hope of better life."
Horace Walpole said this was the
worst-that is the best-bull he ever
read " hate that woman" said a
gentleman, looking at a person who
had been his nurse" hate her
for when was child she changed me
| at nurse" This was indeed perplex-
Ing assertion but we have similar
instance recorded in the autobiography
of an Irishnan, who gravely informs
us that he iran away early Ia life from
his father, on discovering he was only
his uncle"
Stammering. says Coleridge, Is some-
times the cause of pun. Some one
was mentioning in Lambs presence the
| III RI adn n Of kho nnlr ~
berland in preventing the Duchess from
rushing up to the embrace of her son,
whom she had not seen for consider
able time aud insisted on her receiving
him In state. How horrible cold it
was," said the narrator. /" Yes," said
Lamb, in his suffering way, "but you
know he is the Duke Of Cu.cum- ber-
land
A few evenings ago young lady
abruptly turned the corner OF a street
in Sheffield, and very rudely ran against
small boy, ragged and shoeless. Stop
ping as soon as she could, she turned
to him, and said -" beg your pardon;
indeed, am very sorry" The small,
ragged boy looked up in blank amaze
ment for an instance ther, taking off
three fOurths Of a cap, he bowed very
low, smiled until his face became lost
in Q smile, and answered : Yer can
hev my parding an welcome, miss
and Yer may run again me an knock
me clean down, an won't say word"
After the young lady passed ON he
turned to comrade. and said, half
apOlogetlcalIy f" never had any one
ask my pardlng, an It kind o. took me
on my feet
An obliging Mississippi Judge recent
ly adjourned court for fifteen inmates
to get time to 60 out and pumInel an
offending lawyer, who had rudely made
annlicatlOn for a nlna- ava