The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-06-17
VARIETY.


REMINDS Hm.-Perkins says a boarding house
breakfast always reminds him of game OF GRO
quet-it is so hard getting round the steak
SEssIrIyE.-Some people seem to be extremely
sensitive At one of the churches, Sunday, the
minister read the prayer for person in deep al
Fiction and man who had just been married
got up and went out. He said he didn't want
public sympathy obtruded on him that way.
AxGRY.-A Preston man was very angry on
going home the other night to find that his wlie
had lent the only Bible in the house de SAID IL
was a disgrace that in this period of Christian
enIighment family should have only one copy OF
the Bible. 1t seems he wanted to decide bet as
TO whether it was Paul or Cephas who said,
.' Consistency, thou art jewel"
A y,srroR's Book.-Mrs Veneering has dis
continued custom originated by her OF having
visitors write their names in book IN the haIl
in event of her absence. Why? Because the
milkman came and wrote, 90 Bill Smith called to
collect bill of long standing, and Is sorry Mrs.
Veneering didn't leave the amount with the gIrl,
as she agreed"
[ hope,' said a serious looking gentlemen re-
GENTLY - that the angel who ferries souls across
Jordan has more than one boat In his service.
His hearers looked upon him with such evident
surprise that he quickly ADDED: % L hope so be-
cause it would be unpleasant for any OF the
Plymouth brethren to over at the same time
with Dr.. Storrs and DIR. Burlington"
Boston Commercial Bulletin: Young GROCER
But got little mixed after supper at the Centen-
NAL party the other evening" and was heard to re-
mark to a brother swell: lis Cillidelphia Pen
itential's big thing, but they ought to Bell old
Shootknap fore it comes off; 8 Andrew jackson
said T any man flags down the American hauls,
spot him on the shoot.
90 This is my last call" remarked fippant
Young gentleman to young lady who was soon
TO be married, on a recent occasion. '' never
,.,sJ or
they have reached twenty-five" 1" You DO well,
sir 80 eravely remarked an elderly lady present
At that age and, after marriage, they begin TO
know the value of time, and do not like to waste
it,
APT Tot is we'll enough to talk OF eleVatlng
the tone of social conversation, but when we'll
meaning young man tries to introduce protoplasm
as a subject, at little gathering, and hnds that
everybody thinks that he is referring to new
kind of plaster and considers him lndelcate IN
doing So he is apt to feel that the lie OF the re-
former is kind of perpetual picnic on an ant
hill.
FIGURArrvE EXPRESSIONS. many common
fouratiye expressions in our language are bor-
rowed from the art of carpentry, may be seen IN
the following sentence: '' The lawyer who MED
a BILL shaved note, cut an acquaintance, spht
hair, made an entry, got up case, framed an
indictment, impaneled jury, put tnem ln'o q
box, baiIed witness, hammered judge, ana
bored a whole Court, all in one day, has since
laid down law and turned carpenter
4 Connecticut express agent gives the follow
ing account of his experience IN recent rallroad
disaster '' l was pitched against the SAFE. 1
scrambled up with the other fellows, and then
missed something, and exclaimed, All Is ioSt.
What's Iost? inquired the brakeman. why,
nv ear | always thought that L should lose one
of ,em some day Then L looked up and saw 1t
HANGING from hook where my head was plunged.
and then 1 reached out and unhung It ana l.
wasn't my ear, but my canvas express bag
CorLpy'r STAND BorH.-The custom OF ap-
pointing young lawyers to defend pauper criml-
nails received back-set, the other day, IN a
Texas Court His Honor had appointed two
Young LAWYERS TO defend an old and experienced
horse7thief After inspecting his counsel Tor
some time i'll silence, the prisoner rose ana al S,,
dressed the bench: 50 Air them to defend me Z.
=. ~ SIR - said his Honor '' Both of EN- ?"
manfred the prisoner, a. Both OF them, re-
piled the Judge - Then plead guilty, ana
the poor devil took his seat and sighed
Too PUBLIC SPIRITED TO BE HONEST John
Tomnkins what have you got to say tor youselI,
asked the Police Judge sternly OF stumPy' low
broved bloated-faced man, who had just Deeh
fund ouiIty for the ninety-ninth time OF steallng
rotatoss on Davis street. 50 Wal. yer honor, yer
sees - he replied, 50 hey tried to be honest Inc
trouble wi me is, I'm too public SPIRITED. III
sees the sidewalk structed WI spuds, yer fiohol
and well dressed gents stubbIn theF Ioee anu ~
a
nv dooty as good citizen to clear that sidewalk
Ran AFTER HM.-A stranger entered a De-
troit wine shop where four men were drIuklng'
and in n loud voice inquired for the proprietor.
That nerson came forward, and the stranger SAID:
ssI'm hard up, and L want to sell you recipe.
For two dollars I'll show you how you can make
a Gallon of the best Catawba wine out OF twenty
cents worth of drugs and whisky . ould
xo,, insult me ?'' cried the dealer 8 have none
but uure wines here Get out OF my place, sir!
-Tbe man cot out but hadn't gone block when
A how came running after him and said . Come
around the back-door if you want to sell that
recipe"
After worrying his father for three or toul
veors ON the subject, young man who has grown
mn with Detroit succeeded in becoming the owner
oFa time-piece the other day. His father pur
chased it on the sly, took it home, and when the
Young man turned over his plate as dinner, hi
found the watch.
- Good Bully for me ! You are noble tather'
he exclaimed in delight.
As he opened the watch his smiles taded away
Noticing the change, his father asked:
50 Isn't the watch all rght?'
It's good enough watch, was the reply.
ss Then what's the NATTER"
Sc. Why, YOU have had my name engraved oi
the case and no pawnbroker will give me nv
dollars on it if get hard up!'