The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-01-20


Her SoS's MARRIAGE NoTIcE.-ss1Are You
the local editor of this paper?" The .interrog-
atory was pitched in high feminine treble,
and was keen, menancng, resonant. 1t cleft
the surrounding atmosphere like the notes of
q clarion. or the diapason Of a Xmas tin horn,
blown by a vigorous ten year old boy. We
looked mp and saw b for. lis a lady, past the
middle age. A lady that time had left its i'm
press on, AMI we felt that this lady was in
some way, about TO make an impression OIL us.
We looked towards the door, but she intcrven-
ed, and we looked down.
''What did you inquire madam
The question was repeated. We glanced
fnrtivcly at the foreman of the Job Office with
a hasty ana half form I'll resolution to prom ,te
him to the position in question, bit we rellsc-
tie that he WAS = husband AMI parent, and
thinking, too, OF little George Washington, we
replied, tho tsebly, AMI in tren,,lous accents
Yes, Madam. that is to say-Ah, how can
1 serve you?
"Weli, Sir, how long have been subscri-
Der to this paper?'
''Be seate |. Madam, while go and consult
the subscription book, and ~
''No, Sir. you will please remain. Newspa-
pers, Sr-if nay apprehension OF the subject
be = correct ene-Aare vehicles Ger transmitting
current events OF public interest and moment,
and the journal most deserving of popular ap-
probation sma support is the one that is most
faithful in obtaining and publishing sill occur
FENCES of /. prominent and interesting chlrac-
ter. Ny son, Sir, is married, u long pause)
and yet, strange to relate, tho have been
patron of your paper for years, no mention
has been made OF the event, and am here to
demand, and will have some rational explana-
ton of your singular conduct in the matter"
We availed ourselves of the pause and plead
as follows: ''Why, my Dear Madam, no au-
thentic statement, nor even rumor, of this
important affair ever reached us, or I assure
youth other words, we didn't know -
"Diln't know And why didn't you kncw2
What on earth are you supposed to hang around
newspaper office for If not to find Oh. impor-
tant Incidents to publish. You are nice spec
linen OF an editor, now amt you No, its no.
thing but the intense selfshaess and spirit OF
That's what kept you from noticing it. Let
city folks do anything. or a member of the
Legislature get the smallpox, or some of your
town people have twins, or a girl turn idiot and
send you bouquet or fish vendor give you a
brace of mackerel, and your old local column is
full of it, and yet your country patrons can be
born, given in marriage, robbed, murdered or
Il y.
By one of your senseless, stupid, INDECENT,
worthless city editors" there the foreman Left
''and tell you once for all that you needn't
say anything more about your paper being a
family paper after this, for paper whose
columns ignore important marriage notices
has no such claim and ought to be tabooed by
ali judicious and right Minded people. If am
from the country | am posted in some few
things, at least, and Gust made np nay mind
this morning to come to town and tell you ex-
actly what we think OF You and your abilities,
and hope young man that as you grow older
you will learn to appreciate what have said
to you and some day will recognize the deb: Of
gratitude yon owe me for my candor and out
spoken sentiments"
We here, with sickly sort OF smile. inten-
ded to denote self-possession and quiet humor,
suggested that marriage notices OF unusual So
cial prominence were generally accompanied
by pieces OF cake, and she resumed
sob, its cake you wanted, is it? Well, you
do look hungry, poor thing. and maybe that
accounts for your want Of push and energy
Well, I'll send you q few pounds and maybe a
full stomach will enlarge your capacities gem
orally and enable you to comprehend in some
measure what your duties are. Yes, you shall
have the cake, md hereafter if any of my fam
lily marry you will not fail to hear OF it and re-
cord the fact"
mo, Madam, assure you it shall be duly
announced in display type and (the door clo4
sed OH her letreating form if another member
Of your family should die a first-class obituary
shall likewise be inserted free OF charge
One of the healthiest anil pleasantest beyer-