davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
An Unfortunate SOmnambuliSt

TOMMY HARRISON walks in his
sleep. He is ashamed of it, but he
can't help it. He was born SO. Last
week Tommy changed boarding places,
securing a nice set of rooms at the
Oliver House. Thinking that perhaps
as the bed, room and furniture were
all new and strange to him he might
indulge in his propensity for noctur-
nal perambulations, he called to his
room just before retiring the colored
porter, who plays with the seven-story
trunks and bounces impecunious
board-bill forgetters. To this individ-
ual, who stands just seven feet high
in his stockings, he explained the
whole matter, and handing him a dol
lar bill said: Now, Charley, just you
keep an eye on my room during the
night, and in case you hear me moving
about inside, come in, shake me lit
tie, III awake, and then everything
will be all right The porter said be
understood, and departed. Tommy
undressed, turned out the gas, threw
open his window and jumped into bed,
and was soon sound asleep. Patiently
the man waited in the hall outside
of door No. =. But not sound was
heard. About half-past twelve O clock
the air blowing in through that open
window in Tommy's room became SO
uncomfortable that Tommy awoke
shivering like frozen chipmunk.
Seeing the cause Of the difficulty he
sprang out of bed to close the win
dow, and in doing so tumbled over a
chair. That was just what the por-
ter had been waiting for. With one
bound he " as in the room, and seeing
a form outlined against the window,
he made grab for it and caught ii
with grip of iron. Tommy yelled
with pain, and told Charley he was
awake, that it was all right, he wasn'1
walking in his sleep. But Charley
wouldn't have it in that way. He
tripped up the unfortunate somnam
bulist and threw him on the floor
with thump that ratified every bone
in his body. Then he sat down OF
him and began shaking him, by thump
ing his head up and down on the floor
! In vain Tommy insisted that he was
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16

scene of Andremache.' After
which he kept silent until they arrived
at the Barriere du Trone Renverse,
near which the guillotine was erected
The hideous cart was met by flock of
sheep just entering Paris. 1t brought
to the young authors mind the sew
enth Eclogue of Virgil, which he
closed with "Torridas. florida"
corrected Roucher. His companion
did not answer until they had mount
ed the scaffold, when he softly ap-
preached Roucher and tapped him on
the shoulder. "You were right; /
forgot that summer was feminine in
Latin"
That Montague should get up in his
dying hours to pay his servants their
salary, for fear that his heirs might
neglect it or dispute the amount, is not
so wonderful, knowing what we do of
the man and his principles; but that
one OF his very opposite should have
some thoughts for his creditors after
he should be gone is rather Surprising.
Vaguelas, author of the "Remar-
ques sur la Grammaire Francaise,"
not very strait-laced parsonage, did so,
however. Notwithstanding his ample
pension, he was loaded with debts to
that extent that he no longer dared
appear in the street in the daytime,
but only went out at night, a proceed
ing which gave rise to his friends call
ing him The OWL This condition
of things made him very uneasy, as
was proved at his death in his will.
After having disposed Of his ward
robe to satisfy all outstanding claims,
he adds with perfect frankness and
bonhomie: "But as there might still
be left some creditors who cannot be
paid, even after everything is sold, in
that ease my wish is that they shall
sell my body to some surgeon at the
highest price that shall be paid for it,
and that the amount shall be applied
to the liquidation of those debts which
| may still be owing IN the world; SO
that, if / have not succeeded in being
useful during my life, [ may be at least
so after my DEATH" I wonder wheth-
er he ever heard of Dryden's body be-
ing detained by his creditors. ms
legs Magazine.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16

mutilated Montenegrin. This appar-
emily satisfied her wish to learn what
Jemima was made of, and ever since
she has been convinced that her doll is
charming and beautiful. She sleeps
with Jemima, she intrusts Jemima for
brief, privileged intervals to the care
of highly-favored visitors, she shares
her meals with Jemima, and if she
permits her attention to stray into
other channels for a while, she sits on
Jemima, in order to keep her safe and
have her handy, as Dickens describes
the selfish old man at the seaside
reading-room sitting on one popular
newspaper while he reads another.
Jemima never was handsome, she is
now most unprepossessing; but she
possesses two attractions which, in the
belief of the present writer, would
outweigh in child's mind the charms
of the grandest doll in our shop-win-
dow. She is flexible, and no one
would dream of locking her UP, and
only giving her out to be played with
"when little people are very good. -
London Spectator.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
An Affecting Reunion.

THURSDAY morning David Barber,
West Bloomfield, Oakland County,
called at the Gratiot avenue police
station and said that he was in the
city for the purpose of finding a dog
which had been stolen from him two
or three days previous by a colored
man who was at work for one of Mr..
BARRIERS neighbors. The officers at
the station took a description of the
dog and promised to try to find him,
and Mr.. Barber left, saying that he
would stay in the city until his search
was successful.
Saturday morning Mr.. Barber re-
turned to the station apparently very
much discouraged, and had been there
but short time when he saw Rounds
man Whalen coming down the avenue
leading the lost canine, lie arose
quickly and stepped to the front door,
where he stood with tears in his eyes,
watching the approach of the dog, who,
when within about one hundred feet of
the station, saw and recognized his
master. With a powerful and light
ning-like spring he broke away from
the officer, and the next instant master
and dog were showering each other with
all manner of affectionate ca1esSes,
totally unconscious Of the presence Of
a dozen officers. When the meeting
had resolved itself into comparative
quiet, it was seen that not only were
tears coursing down Mr.. Barber S
cheeks, but the dog was actually she'd
ding tears Of joy.
Upon being questioned as to the
reason Of his extraordinary affection
for dog, Mr.. Barber related the fol-
lowing story:
Three years ago this dog and my
boy, then three years old, went to
gether to Straight Lake, a short dis
lance from my home, and while there
my boy clambered into boat that lay
upon the beach. In their sport, the
boat became free and foated away
with the boy. The dog did not see
the boat and it's load until quite dis
lance from shore, when he immedi-
ately jumped into the lake and swami
after him. He was none too soon, for
when the boat was about twenty rods
from the shore it capsiZed, and my
boy was thrown into the water. He
had sunk twice when myself and sew
eral neighbors who had gathered on
the beach saw this dog seize the boy
by the shoulder in such way as to
hold his head high above the water.
Then he swan toward us. He ap-
preached steadily, but we became i'm
patient and waded out as far as pos
sible to meet them. When he reached
us the boy was not only carried ashore,
but strong arms lifted the dog and car
ried him also. Do you wonder now
that | love him ?-DetToit Free Press.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
Funny Scene on an AccommO-
datiOn Train.

4 VERY amusing incident occurred
on Fort Wayne Railway train Sat
urday afternoon. Just before one Of
the accommodations pulled out from
the Federal street station a we'll
dressed, espectable-looking individu-
al, slightly the worse for a little
tam," entered one Of the cars and
approached lady who was occupying
part of a seat and said:
Madam, is thi (hic) is seat taken ?"
The lady very pleasantly answered,
Ono, sir.'
Madam, may I 81 (hic) it down ?"
Yes, sir, you may"
The boosy individual took a seat
and in few moments the train start
ed. He sat seemingly contented and
happy for few minutes. All at once
he threw his arms about his fellow
traveller and kissed her yehemently
several times.
Several passengers in the crowded
car at this became greatly incensed.
The fellow kept UP his loving method
Of procedure and the lady appeared to
be resisting him as best she could.
Finally number of the most deter
mined of the passengers made stimuli
taneous bounce for the boosy man.
One individual raised q window, and
it looked as if the fellow was going to
hunt terra .tiyna0 when he suddenly
seemed to take in the situation.
what does vi Chic) you fellows
want % ...... ........
The only answer was more deter
mined effort to lift the speaker from
his place. Then the other occupant of
the seat turned and took part in the
conversation
Gentlemen" she said. "This is
my husband.
Cob" .
The man and his wife had entered
the car before any of the other passen-
gers and he had gone out for refresh
ments. When he returned, feeling
very humorous, he addressed his part
ner, in such tone that everybody
could hear him, as though she was a
stranger, and that's what fooled them.
-PittSbuTgb Dispatch.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
Conceptions Of God.

IT is not to be supposed that God
manifests himself to all ages or to all
NEE Of one age in the same manner
He speaks at sundry times and in
divers manners. He works by diver
sity in the domain of grace no less
than in the kingdom Of nature. But
often the difference is more in us than
in Him. Though he is ever near and
waiting to be gracious, unbelief bars
Him from our hearts, and sin sepa-
rates Him from us. So we come to
judge, think and speak of him &C
cording to our experience.
To the patriarehs and prophets of
old, God was very near and familiar.
Enoch walked with God through a
long life, and then was translated to
heaven without dying. Abraham oft
communed with Jehovah, who re-
vealed to him the long future down to
Gospel times. Jacob WreStIed with
the divine messenger till break of day,
and would not let him go until he had
obtained the blessing. The psalmist' S
theme ever rested on God and His
works, and regarded Him as the source
of every blessing. Augustine talked
to and with God as familiar friend,
who enraptured his heart and sweet
ened all his experiences. Luther s
power arose from his close connection
with God and His truth. The heart
Of President Edwards glowed with
heavenly love, and responded to the
diviee voice, speaking to him through
all the voices of nature.
Are such exceptional cases, or mag
NATIVE or fanatical? Neither. Ad-
hitting personal Deity, and the real
ity Of religion, the exercises of devout
minds are no more than would be ex-
pected. If there is a Being who
created, upholds and governs the uni
verse, He must be omniscient and ON
nipresent, ready to hear our cry, to
help our infrmities and guide our
steps. He loves us and cares for us
He is a God at hand, and not afar off.
The tendency of the present day is
to abstraction and isolation. There is
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
The Awfully Profound Minister

He deals in misunderstanding
about the laws Of perception, the sys-
tenn Of consequences, hypothesis, peri
patetic doctrines and apologetics, I'M
til his audience can hardly see their
hand before their face. He has a
learned way Of clearing his throat, a
learned way Of employing his pocket
handkerchief. / have heard him cough
until l could hear the echo Of the ages.
The audience does not know what he
is talking about, and he does not know
either. The only cheerful part Of his
sermon is when he gets through. Now,
when men are genuinely learned they
are simple in phraseology and manner.
never knew an exception to that
But little learning will often make a
man swell beyond all reasonable proper
lions. Oh, drop your sesquipedalian
pnraseology, and use short, sharp,
plain words. | have seen a lake of
water twenty feet deep, so clear
that if you dropped a silver
half dollar to the bottom you could
see it. And there is such a thing
as being deep and clear at the same
time. An Bnglishman crossed the
Channel to France, and was exceed
ingly disturbed by the fact that he
could not understand word of the
French language. He was met at the
depot by Frenchman and the driver
of the cab talked to him in French.
When he got to the hotel he found
nothing but the French language
there; and a man, with French Ian
guage, took him to bed at night, and
he was almost exhausted because of
his incapacity to understand anything
that was being said to him, and in sad
mind he went to sleep. In the morn
ing he woke up and heard the chanti-
cleer crow, and he said, "Thank good
ness, there's some English at last"
And what relief it is, after hearing
ing some men talk in learned techni-
calities, foreign to our capacity, to
suddenly hear something the plainest
people can understand. / know only
of one use for words, and that is to let
men know what you Christian
of Work
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
Remarkable Exits from Life.

WHEN he civilian the Silent) felt
himself dying, Hollands greatest
warrior sent for two clergymen of
the opposing religious factions and
babe them argue which of their creeds
was the right one. Il see well
enough, said the hardened unbelieyer,
when they had finished their discus
sion. s. see there is nothing certain
except mathematics. With this he
turned his face to the wall. He
had ceased to live. A remarkable de-
pendence upon the certainty Of math-
ematics. One who was not quite SO
confident endeavored to make as
surance doubly sure"
quote from Scaliger and De Thou,
who both maintain that HierOnymus
Cardan, a celebrated astronomer and
mathematician, who lived in Pavia
toward the middle of the sixteenth
century, and who may be better known
to students as the discoverer of Car
dams suspension" having foretold the
day of his death by various calcula-
tions, starved himself to death fol
fear that his prediction would not be
verified. and that his beloved science
might suffer in consequence thereof
This might be called being imbued
with the spirit of the thing; but ]
think that nay next example goes {
step further still. "Creech, the eel
ebrated commentator on Lucretius, .
says Voltaire in his Dictionaire Philo
sophiQue, "wrote on his manuscript
IN. B. must hang myself when
have finished my commentary " He
| kept his word, in order to end his day.
| like his author.
Champcenetz, the secretary Of Riva
rol, during the French revolution o.
'93, innocently asked when he hat
| heard his death sentence whether
| substitute would lot 60. Andre Che
| mer did not trouble himself so far
Perceiving his friend Roucher, the au
thor of the Months poem no
unlike Thompson's Seasons, h,
apostrophized him quite cheerfully b,
reciting the opening lines of the frs
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
Relgions.
a LAMP TO THY FEET AND A
LIGHT TO THY PATH.

a LAMP to thy feet-not ,spiendor
Lighting the hills affair."
Not radiance-solemn and tender
OF moonlight, or glimmer of star
All around may be shrouded in shadow
And dimness and mist of the night,
But be it o or mount ain or meadow
Before US the path shall be light
Not light with the glow of the morning
Flooded with sunshine sweets
Not cen the faint CLEAN of the dawnings
Nay, only lamp to the feetl
If all the long road stretched in whiteness,
And wide fields smiled TO the day.
Should We move swiftly on in the brightness
Or linger and dream by the wayf
He knoWeth, who, guiding the stranger
Safely in darkness and light,
Has hidden the glory and danger
Alike from our wandering sight,
He knowe b, who, walketh before us,
Bearing the gGmmering lamp,
How somber the shade that hangs DER us
How we shiyer and shrink III the damp.
For His locks are wet with the night-dews,
His feet are bleeding and torn,
AS, wearying under our burden,
He treads in our pa hway the tho~n.
Though His lamp light one step. and one only
There's the mark Of His loot in the sod,
Though the way be thorny and lonely,
1t ends in the bosom of God.
-AG1y E0aoe Dickinson, IN ChriStian Union.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16

pride of false philosophy that looks
upon practical religion as enthusiasm
and fanaticism. Nothing can be adj
mltted as rational unless it can be
measured by the senses, and subjected
to all physical tests. Men must scru-
tinize. and analyze and classify to the
last degree Of artifce and speculation.
Every principle must be dogma,
with its exact place in the system de-
fined. All must proceed by rule and
order. By subjecting not only the in
tellect, but also the emotions, to such
requirements, the spiritual nature is
restrained and the vitality of religion
endangered.
1t Is our duty to listen to the de-
maRds OF the intellect, to be consis-
tent with reason, to guard against
every form of superstition. But in
doing this, there is no need OF repress-
ing and denying the acquisitions of
our moral and spiritual powers. These,
it is true, differ in individuals. circum-
stances and times; but they have a
basis in all minds and a reality. Those
are not necessarily the most correct
and reliable who are the most cool and
calculating. The moral instinct, the
glow of emotion and the impulse of
the heart are often more authoritative.
The warm heart is as essential % the
| cool lead.
The feelings and emotions are not to
be distrusted SO long as they are well
founded. The conceptions can never
be too vivid, if their basis is truth.
| Nature and revelation authorize the
belief in God and His personal super
vision of all our affairs, and thus
should we conceive of Him. We do
injustice to Him and ourselves if we
do not allow and cherish such coneep-
| lions. The tendency at present with
Christians is too much to doubt, indif-
ference and GOODNESS; there is need of
more faith, more vivid conceptions of
| the living God and the vital truths of
the gospel, more interest in the Bible,
more love to each other, more earnest
cooperation in doing good. -Aesqsing
| Star .r..#-
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16

not asleep, and had not been that
night-the man kept right on. Ev-
cry time Tom made an attempt to
get up he put his knee on his
chest and pinned him to the floor, all
the time keeping up his shaking pro-
cess. At length, all tired out, Tommy
remained perfectly still, and the por-
ter, supposing by this time that he
was quietly slumbering after his attack
of the jim-jams, placed him on the bed
and retired. The next morning that
colored porter came to Tommy and
asked him for another dollar on account
Of the trouble he had in getting him
out Of his ft.-I'oledo. Blade.
Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-11-16
Curious Law Gases.

OUR English brethren seem to be
continually getting into the strangest
difficulties imaginable, and some of the
cases that fad their way into their
courts are very amusing to us law
abiding Americans. Recent English
papers furnish some very pointed cases
for illustration.
A lad was brought before a London
court for wilfully destroying pan of
milk by placing a live frog therein.
He was fined one shilling The pan of
milk was produced, in which the frog
was living with great apparent enjoy
ment. The Judge remarked that a
prosecution for diluting milk might be
made with success, and Mr. Frog sum-
moned as a witness.
In Liverpool a policeman was arrest
ed for poaching, and excused himself
by saying that he had been led away
by bad company. Good as this de-
Tense was a pork-butcher furnished a
better one. When arrested for expos
ing for sale an unsound ham he averred
that he had been troubled with a very
bad cold, and consequently had lost all
sense Of smell. The Judge couldn't
see it in the same light and fined the
prisoner two pounds six shillings. Mr..
Finch, a constable of Birkenhead, sued
a Mr.. Wright for twenty pounds
damages. Plaintiff swore that
while removing Wright's goods
under legal writ defendant
openly abused him in the
presence Of a crowd. There were
three counts to the Indictment. First,
calling him mighty tight screw"
second, calling him "rascal;" third,
calling him a "thief." Plea of not
guilty entered. The Judge ruled that
the language in the first count was
meaningless and would go for nothing
if proved. Testimony showed that the
language named in the second count
was intended for some one else, name
ly, the landlord. On the third count
defendant sWore that he only said
Finch was "no better than thief"
Judgment for plaintiff in twelve shil-
lings. Costs Oh Wright.
But the best case of all came UP in
a Lancaster court. Thomas Dim
sued a Mr.. Bible for fifty pounds
Plaintiff testified that last February
he fell into the canal, and that defend
| ant, in pulling him out, used undue
violence, so much SO that plaintiff had
large quantity Of hair pulled out,
from the effects of which he took the
neuralgia and had been unable to work
since. Further, that Bible threw dirty
water on him when he was coming to,
and that defendant was laughing at
| the time Michael Bible testified that
he pulled Dim from the canal, reach
ing him just as he was sinking for the
third time; consequently, having no
choice, had to grasp him by the hair !;
used no violence; threw a hatfu1 of
water from the canal on him to assist
him in coming to; bystanders advised
it; didn't remember laughing only
when Dim opened his eyes and asked
for some whisky. Testimony being
corroborated by witnesses, the Judge
dismissed the case.-Bosto7a Post.