Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1876-02-19
ONE HUNDRED YEARS AGO.

- 4. .
: Under this title Gen. James M. Comfy,
of the Ohio State Journal, gets off the.
following handsome and genuine bit -of.
humor for the benefit of the people who
regard the former times as better than
these-presenting some very instructing
contrasts:
The thing hos begun now, and it can't
be stopped. There won't be even dish
of baked beans eaten, without remarking
how superior the good old beans of llI6
were over the degenerate beans OF 1876.
and recalling in tones of patriotic fervor
that this day one hundred years ago,
the great John Hancock ate beans of a
Sunday. and they agreed with him." We
should like TO have one of these exasper-
ating old huinbugs who are always
grooming about the degeneracy OF the
age and the good old times, set back
hundred years. for n week or so, to see
how he would like his good old times, II
he could have few of them served up
fresh on a half shell Of the nineteenth
century.
How the old buffer would growl, first
thing on the first morning, when he went
for the morning paper on the front stoop,
and found a little weazen thing, the pro-
duct of an age without Hoe presses or
fast mails, with n thrilling leaderon THE
Illusions of Hope" and q solid ten col
umns of everything that nobody wanted
to read. News from England three
mouths old. Sensation from Newbury-
port-Sclioohers Mary Ann just arrived
with a load of codfsha ADVERTISEMENTS
One cent reward offered for the return
of runaway apprentice. John Smith.
WON'T pay any debts of his wifes
contracting, because she has left his bed
and board-and nobody would trust
either of them for single, anyhow.
Asinine poem" from Amaryllus to Chloe,
worse than arLelger obituary. Dried
coon skins, butter and leaf tobacco taken
in exchange for dry goods, hymn books,
groceries, hardware, millinery, drugs
and medicines at Peter Jones' Emporium,
where each customer will be treated to q
drink Of rum and mOlasses.
How he would howl over his hundred
year old newspaper when he found a
communication from .sOld Subscriber"
signing for the good old days of hun
dred years before that, when Quakers
were whipped at the carts tail, and in
one year Q692) in Massachusetts nineteen
witches were hung and one pressed to
death-amOng whom were clergyman
and several Of the most respectable citi-
zens of Massachusetts, to say nothing of
friendless old women and orphan chill
dren eight Others being condemned the
same year; 150 in prison awaiting trial ;
200 more accused; and number Of other
suspects fed the country. Turns in dis
gust to editorial. Finds notice Of HeZe-
kiah Johnson, who slaughtered his hogs
and sent half dozen spare ribs to the
editor, and Il mess of sausage meat TO the
minister. Ditto, begging for cord wood
and winter vegetables on subscription,
from the delinquent subscribers, and so
on.
Having gone through his newspaper
of the period, our old Spartan (they are
all old Spartans, or Grecians, or Romans.)
calls for his breakfast coffee, and receives
vile mixture of roasted rye and ground
beans, muddy as North High street.
Then he goes to the postoffice and re-
ceives letter-pOstage about halfa dol
lar of our currency-telIing him that
little Zephaniah has cut his first tooth,
and hoping these few lines may find him
ENJOYING the same blessing-dated three
weeks back. Makes up his mind he
must go and see Zephaniah and that
tooth; packs up a tOw-line shirt and
bottle of gooseberry wine; shoulders a
f1int-lock rifle and a scalping knife, (there
were no percussion caps, revolvers or
breech leaders in those days,) mounts old
DObbin. and, as there are no macada-
mized roads, wades through oceans Of
mud for Il week, breaking his leg Oh the
way, to find that little Zephaniah died
of small poX just ten days before he
reached the place. No photograph of
little Zeph.; no telegraph to saddle the
lightning with a message OF his sick
ness: no railroad, steamboat Or anything
in fact 10 steam-tO carry him like the
wind to little Zeph.; 10 vaccine virus to
save bin from the small pOX, of which
he died. His own broken leg has to
come of, and the leg is cut with butch
er knife, the bone sawed off with hand
saw. and the blood staunched by cautery
with a hot irOn-all Of which he must
bear like Il grim Puritan with plenty of
grace and no chlOrOfOrm, either, or even
opium. He is bled and physicked with
a k) for the inflammation that sets i'm, shut
up in hot room without air or water for
the fever, and the only comfort he has
is that the doctor will not let him eat
anything but Cruel; and he can manage
to do that with his poor old gums,
which have had none Of the advantages
Of modern dentistry. He escapes with
one leg and his lite by the providential
death of his physician, and goes back to
gather his crop without mowers, reapers
or threshing machines, and to put in the
next years crop without wheat drills or
To, 4 Il,
cloth, for there is no cotton gin or spin
ming jenney; she cards her wool by
hand, spins it by hand, and weaves it in
the same way; lie ''scutches" and shack
les'' flax, anu she spins it us she does the
wool, and makes it into linen in the Same
way; she has no pins or hooks and eyes !;
no sewing machine; no knitting ma
chine; no washer or clothes wringer; no
cooking stove; no Cooley or Harpers'
Bdzdr. They have no gas or water
works-nO magazine for a winter even
ing. He wants to build, and has no
iron mills, brick machines, buzz saws.
planning mills, rail mills, steam mills or
leftel wheels. lie has no canals to carry
his grain to market, and no elevators to
facilitate the removal ;sin. short. he has
nothing but rugged stone or hewn logs
for habitatiOn; rude ami primitive con-
triyances for furniture; savage simplicity
iA'the cuisine !; qiayely1 lit improve.
ment over our blood fdationsAlasn, in
any department. Of domestic art. sThere
are ten thousand inventions ofswhicn we
have taken note, that our Spartan would
miss sadly the first year of his transport
tatlOn to the good old times of one hun
dred years ago. The list is only an in
complete summary, as they came in a
lew minutes reflection, of necessaries to-
day that were unknown then. We have
anxiously sought for compensations to
offset these. What is there? Our Spar
tan struggling manfully to justify his
hankering for the good old times, will