Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-04-14
Wicked But Witty-- The Sandwich
Is1ander's Lament

The st. Louis Republican says: A
gentleman who appears to be per-
fectly reliable person, has been in
aud relates the substance of a con-
versation he recently engaged in with
an Intelligent native of the Sandwich
Islands who was converted to Christ
ianity some years ago, and has since
acted as motive missionary. The
Sandwich Islander is at present in
this country on tour of information.
He has been in San Francisco several
times, but never east Of the mountains
before, though he speaks English
perfectly, and would scarcely be taken
for foreigner here were it not for
the dark color of his face. The gen.
tlemen who describes the conversa-
ton with the Sandwich Islander
gives the substance of it in the latter's
own words as nearly as possible
Said the newly civilized man, in the
course of a confidential interchange
of thought:
"Yes, as you say, civilization is un-
doubtedly a great blessing, and l feel
a great deal more respect for myself
since l became convert and since
my people gave up some of their saw
age practices. We never eat the
missionaries now, no matter how low
provisions may run, and the last of
the men who were really entitled to
be considered epicures in missionary
meat died some time ago. l regret
to say that when he died he did not
seem to appreciate all the benefits of
Christianity as he should have done.
He was tough old fellow, who used
to be kind Of under-chief in the
old days, and just before he died l
went around to see him and try to
smooth his pillow, as it were. He
wouldn't accept any consolation, but
growled out that he would like to
have one more square meal of nice
young theological student before he
died, and then he turned over with
his face toward the wall and passed
away. l know it is weak and sinful,
but sometimes, though I'm mission
ary myself now, l do long for re-
turn Of those good old times when 1t
seems like kind of providence that
when the fishing was bad, and good
eating of any kind hard to get, a
missionary was always sure to land.
Sometimes one would come SO poor
that we would have to stall-feed him
on shell-fish and things for a few
weeks before he would be fit for the
taole; but this didn't often happen.
We generally disposed of them as
soon as the bills of fare could be
printed and distributed around. A
missionary shouldn't be in too good
condition. l like fat and lean COM
ing in streaks together best. Once
when very fat missionary arrived,
we had to trot HIM to condition fit
for eating. Some of the connoisseurs
on the Island used to pretend to DIS
tinguish a difference between the
taste of preachers of different denom-
nations, but never could myself
Of course there's a great difference
in the quality of different JOINTS of a
missionary, just as there is in beef or
mutton. Some like the shoulder of
a missionary boiled, with caper sauce,
and some always 60 for a drum-stick,
and others like nothing better than
to nibble away at finger broiled.
As for me, l don't want anything
better than nice rib chop, scorched
a little and brought on with a sprig
of parsley to give 1t an air of neat
ness and freshness. Once a mission
ary came out with his wife and two
year-old boy. The wife died on the
voyage, but the missionary and boy
reached us all right. shall never
forget how that child tasted! We
baked him whole, stuffed with bread
crumbs and onions and things, and
no roast pig ever made such heaven
ly dish! I have read what your Mr..
Lamb says of roast pig, and I cannot
but regret that he was not here to
taste that child. He alone could
have done justice to the subject. The
dish was talked of for years after
ward by all the epicures on the Is
land. It's all vanity now, l know,
and as Christian missionary l ought
never to think of such things, but l
can't always restrain myself. We
were poor, misguided creatures, of
course, but those were halcyon days"
Bon Butler.
Tho fnllowinr 10 thu 1otaSt story