Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-07-01
A High Toned Hotel.

The Suitem House, Strive & Sweet,
proprietors, Soponaceous Springs, N.
Y, has bC en- built and arranged for the
special comfort and convenience of
summer boarders. On arrival, each
guest will be asked how he likes the
situation, and if he says the hotel
ought to have been placed upon the
knoll, or down toward the village, the
location of the house will be Immediate
ly changed. Corner front rooms, up
only one fight, for every guest. Baths,
gas, water-closet, hot and cold water,
laundry, telegraph, restaurant, fire.
alarm, barroom, daily paper, coupe,
sewing machine, grand piano, clergy
man, and all other modern conveniences
in every room. Meals every minute, if
desired, aud consequently no second
table. English, French and German
dictionaries furnished to every guest to
mako up such bill of fare as he may
desire, without regard to the bill affair
afterward in the Office. Walters of every
nationality and color desired. Every
waiter furnished with libretto, button
hole bouquet, full-dress suits, ball tab
let's, and his hair parted in the middle.
Every guest will have the best seat in
the dining hall and the best waiter in
the house.
Any guest not getting his breakfast
red-hot, or experiencing delay of six
teen seconds after giving his order for
dinner, will please mention the fact to
the Office, and the cook and the walters
will be blown from the mouths of can
non, in front of the hotel, at once.
Children will be welcomed with delight,
and requested to bring hoop sticks and
hawkeys to bang the carved rosewood
furniture especially provided for that
purpose, and peg-tops to spin on the
velvet carpets; and they will be allowed
to bang on the piano at all hours, yellin
the halls, slide down the banisters, fall
down stairs, carry away dessert enough
for small family in their pockets at
dinner, and make themselves as disa-
greeable as the fondest mother can de-
sire.
Washing allowed in rooms, and ladies
giving an order to "put on fiat iron, "
will be put on one any hour of the day
or night. A discreet waiter, who be-
longs to the Masons, Odd Fellows and
knights of Pythias, and who was never
known even to tell the time Of day, has
been employed to carry milk punches
and hot toddies to ladies' rooms i'll the
evening.
Every lady will be considered the
belle of the house, and row boys will an
swer the belle promptly. Should any
rCW-bOy fail to appear at q guests door
with pitcher Of ice water, more towels,
a gin cocktail, and pen, ink and paper,
before the guests hand has left the bell
knob, he will be branded "Front on
the fol ehead and imprisoned for life.
The office clerk has been carefully
selected to please everybody, and can
lead in prayer, play draw poker, match
wor8ted at the village store, shake for
drinks at any hour, day or night, play
billiards, is a good waltzer, and can
dance the German, make a fourth at
euchre, amuse children, repeat the
Beecher trial from memory, is good
judge of horses, as a railway or steam
boat reference is far superior to any
guide, will firt with any young lady,
and not mind being cut dead when "pa
comes down." don't mind being cursed
Uny more than a Connecticut river pilot
and room forty people in the best room
in the house when the hotel is full, at
tend to the annunciator, ard answer
questions in Greek, Hebrew, Choctow
Irish, or any other polite language at
the same moment without turning a
hair.