The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-01-27
Brevities.

From pole to pole-the telegraph wires.
A good soldier would as soon cat as fight.
How to be wise-Don think you know every
thing.
When is a thief like u seamstrcss ?-When he
cuts and runs .....,,
The language of flowers is tender and beau
tiful, but it contains no such satisfactory cX-
preston fer the man who stubs his toes
Montreal physician, asking for the renewal
OF note. writes 1--WE are in horrible crisis.
there is not sick man in the district
Some men will believe nothing but what
they can comprehend. and there are but few
things that such are able to comprehend a.
A Highland young lady was informed that
hlindmaI's buff was tie fashionable color. and
asked for some silk of that shade on her Visit
to Aberdeen.
'Yes; / want my daughter to study rlfet-
oric,'' replied a Vermont mother, ''for she
can't fry pancakes now without smoking the
house all up
''What does Good Friday mean ?'' asked
one schoolboy OF another. lyon had better go
home and read your Robinson Crusoc, >" was
the whitening reply.
Let a Western county treasurer be seen at
the depot about train time and forty men will
have an eye on him, and will wonder how
much he has stolen. .
A New York surgeon says that nine men out
of ten are liable to drop dead on the street of
heart disease. Keep off the street, gentlemen,
If yCu would avoid death.
The young ladies of Undertook. New York.
encourage mock marriage ceremonies, in order
TO get used to appearing sweet and dignificd
when the real occurrence takes place.
The weekly sheets devoted to the Centennial
show are either dying off or else there has been
earelcssnessl in some pOst-oflicr. Only thirteen
different ones reach our exchanges sanctum.
There used to be some noble adult liars in
this country. but since that Vermont boy stuck
to it that he was Charley Ross there seems TO
show for those who have struggled along for
years.
An Ohio woman has knie one hundred and
thirty tides and given them to poor people,
and now she feels that some one else ought to
take hold and buy rocking chairs to hang the
tides on.
Staunton. Virginia. claims a man who always
shuts all office door after him in winter. ana
who always leaves one open in the summer
and vet when he ran for Office he was beaten
cut Of sight.
white boy upon meeting coored boy ask
ed him what be had so short a nose for. upon
which the darkey replied: II spect it's Sc L
won't be poking my nose into other peoples
business-don't you?.'
New York Commercial: The editor who was
told that his last article was ce ar as mud.
promptly replied ''Well, that covers the
ground, anyhow 1t might have been an ar
tiele on real estate, you know.
A dirty looking genius. says the New Orleans
Republican, was complaining that the c!lant es
were against him. He wept like old Eccles,
and said, ''What need is scope Bates com
pretended the situation and said, Oats Il fact.
" hat he needs is SOAP
When North Carolina negro complained
that he had never seen anyone commit suicide,
his brother Jim replied Sam, YIN hez ever bin
kline to me-look heah, Sam''-and he went
into the river and remained there until the cor
Oner dragged the body out.
A New Jersey man is writing history of
that State. and in it he is going to prove that
George Washington was a liar and an eXtor-
toner. He says he has documents showing
that George hated cats. and a man who hates
eats will do most any mean thing.
.'The excise of the third man," said Mr.
Moody, Illustrating the parable of the guests
who were backward in coming forward "was
more absurd tlian any have married a wife,
and therefore | cannot come Now, why
didn't he take his wife along with him."
Louisville has been amused bv a row in a
fashionable boarding house. A boarder refus-
ed to either pay Ills bill, or to go away until
the month for which he had barsained had ex-
pired. The lanliaty was told by the lawyers
that the money was not legally due until the
end OF the month, and that she must fulfil her
part of the contract hefole she could sue him.
She next took the case into her own hands, put
Y damp sheets on his bed, fed him on the poorest
viands, and put whining puppy in the room
next to his. He retreatcd after three days Of
endurance.