The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1876-07-15
Gleanings and Gossip.

How to make a slow horse fast-Don't
feed him.
A circuit court-The longest way
home from singing school.
Hood called the slammiug Of door by
a person in passion "a wooden oath"
An exchange tells of an undertaking
wisely abandoned before it was begun"
A two foot rule Boots and shoes for
cash only.
Many man worth a million is utterly
worthless.
"Can politician be honest Pa
Can potato wink :?
A youth who appears to be on the
right track-Prince Oscar.
The path of duty-through the Custom
House.
Rheumatism is always a joint affair,
and yet there is only one party to it.
Faithfalness and sinoerity are the
highest things.
They say that vestryman in Hart.
ford hangs out the tempting sign, Pure
Alderney Milk Punch.
An Ohio man makes brick, but he is
high.born and calls himself sculptor in
clay.
What is the difference between a spend.
thrift and pillow One is hard up and
the other is soft down.
An impccuuious citizen said the only
change he was allowed was that of the
weather.
The editor Of weekly paper says
There has been another burglary since
our last"
When printer cant find a cap A
why ought he use 2 Because it is the
next thing to it.
Ine napplest paper in the United States
is an Indianapolis daily. 1t has but one
want"
If your furs ever get worn down short
whip them with forty rods, for forty rodi
is said to make tur.long
A young man admiring the delicate
fabrics for collars in milliners store
wished he was emperor Of all the ruches
The present fashionable item is manu-
featured oat Of old ladies Of 1Q6 or Sc
who can thread needles
should say sincerity. deep, great
genuine sincerity, is the first characteris
tic of men in any way heroic. CARLYLE,
While one hymn book is good enough
for lovers it takes two to supply then
with music after they are married.
A Chinaman spoke all the English h'
knew in Indianapolis the other day, ant
was fiued 81 for profanity.
Irascible Gent TO waiter) They sal
there's nothing like leather, don't they ?
"Yes, sir" Then it's lie, this steak is.
A daughter OF a wealthy WatertOwr
farmer distinguished herself by raising
eight little pigs on a bottle. Suck. .cess t.
to her litter. ary efforts.
Profanity in Texa. is against the law
800 worth each time They think o
enforcing the law for a month and payinI
the national debt
A man had lot of powder explode ii
his face the other day in Amsterdam, N
Y. His name is Going, and his eyesigh
is gone.
A man being asked, as he lay sunnin
himself on the grass, what was the heigh
Of his ambition replied, ITO marry ric
widow with bad cough"
There may not be gold, but there's q
question about the quantity of lead
the Black Hills. Every Indian has gu
full of it, and isn't stingy.
A lady says there are more superfr
GUS men than women, and the rest {
her sex would like to know where the
arc.
> Eight hundred lightning rods hay
been orderd for the Vatican, and th
/. agent who took the order says, l will d
, Vatican to give satisfaction.
i, An lrishman in Chicago says h
boarding-house keeper must be a che
player, because she pawns the boarder
+ clothes and gives them stale mate.
; An Essex farmer is obliged to cha
: his nose every time ho takes a wa
around his farm, to save himself from 6
old bull which has strong antipathy
: red
{ An obliging Mississippi judge recent
adjourned court for fifteen minutes
t 90 out and pumme an offending lawye
C who had rudely made nh application f
}. a nice'eye.
\ An exchange asks "lf there's pla
: for everything, where is the place for
r. boil ?" 1t has been said that the be
place for such an ornament is on son
. other fellow. And We don't think q bt
e ter location can be discovered
l. All we can possibly say of the me
'r original author. nowadays is not th Il
g they say anything new, but only tn
they are capable of saying such and su
a, things themselves, 4" If they had nev
Id been said before them - Sferns,
o. A train was carrying clergyman a
th five or six youths, who kept scoffng
m religion and telling disagreeable stori
OF The good man endured it all, simply
G. marking as he got out 1--WE shall M
ie again my children" why shall
meet again 2" said the leader Of the bar
re IL am prison chaplain" was the rep
~, ~ family ip the country has very