Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1876-02-12
SUNBEAMS.


| just think Of that Even the plump
est woman has 24O bones.
Elephants are the most intelligent
OF animals and yet they have the lnrg-
est ears.
A Western man says that figures
won't lie unless they happen to be ON
q gas meter.
"Smothered Venus" is q California
dish; in spite Of its namo it is only
beefsteak and onions.
An old fogy in Springfield objects to
paying gas bill Of $l8 for the frivo.
lous reason that there are NO burners
in his house.
The boy who presented his father
with q christmas cane now rubs his
back, and wonders that he didn't have
more forethought.
What do you know Of the character
this MANI" was asked of u witness in
court the other day. know it to be
unbleachable, your HONOR" replied
the witness, with much emphasis.
According to Kate Field, tho pur-.
pose of American clergymen in visit
ing London is to be able to go to the
SACSseACC WlCuOuU IdNlllS tAClI RlCSCuCo
there commented upon,
Landlady (fiercely): "You musn't
occupy that bed with your boots on"
Boarder: "Eever mind they're an old
pair. l guess the bugs won't hurt
'em. Let 'em rip anyhow" -
The absurd story about the phenix
grew out Of the fact that phenixes
always:roosted in ash trees, and hence
when they took wing they were said to
rise from their ashes.
As old Mr.. - heaved the last scut-
tie Of four tons of coal into his cellar,
he was heard to remark: IF they had
been boys instead Of girls, it wouldn't
have been thus. One ton would last
all winter.
A few days since man convicted Of
drunkenness stood up before His Hon
or at the Police Court, and His Honor
give you $40 or thirty days" "Well,
III take the $40, SQUIRE" said the
fellow.
"The excuse Of the third man," said
Mr.. Moody, illustrating the parable Of
the guests who were backward in COM
ing forward, was more absurd than
abAy huNC Hlttl tlVu - WACy SAu OhiCIC.
fore cannot come Now, why didn't
he take his wife along with him?
An exchange wants somebody to In
vent q new dance for the girls. Yes,
do! Get up one where the young ladies'
dance around the house helping the
old lady to get breakfast, wash the
dishes and sling dirty shirts in O wash
tub. DO, and SEQ how the girls won't
dance worth q cent.
LAS to opening OYSTERS" said old
You only know how" 'And how's
howl" inquired Straight. Scotch
snuff" answered Old Hurricane, very
sententiously; Scotch snuff; bring u
little Of it ever SO near their noses.
and they will sneeze their lids Off
A strange minister ofIiciated in a
suburban pulpit recently, and among
the notices to be read was one request
ing the ladies to send in refreshments
for the cafe Of II fair which was to be
held during the week. The clergy
man innocently read it Refreshments
for the calf" and the audience tilted.
A fond parent who bought COW for
his summer residence, i'll anticipation
or the dellSnt tnaC inc IreSn prOUuct
would cause his daughter, was some
what chagrined when Julia looking
| upon pan OF nectar, exclaimed, "Oh,
what horrid GLOW stuff! 1t isn't half
so good as the nice blue milk We get
in town.
EJohn Henry, reading to his wife from
q newspaper, "There is not single
woman in the State Penitentiary.
There you see, don't you, what wicked
creatures wives are? Every woman In
the Penitentiury is married. 1T is
curious" suid she; but don't you
think, John, dear, that some Of them 81
there for relief"
During a recent examination OF g
class Of youngsters in one Of the Che
mung county schools, the teacher
asked: "What is a monarchy" and
was Immediately answered by a bright
little eight-year old boy: "a country
governed by king" "Who would
would rule if the king should die?"
"The queen" "And if the queen
should die, who then would be ruleri"
The jack" --.