Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-09-29
Max Adeler's Record"


We are sorry TO say that Max Adeler has
determined to run for the presidency. His
platform is thus announced in the New
York illustrated Weekly
have pretty much made up my mind
now TO run for the presidency. What the
country wants is a candidate who cannot be
injured by investigation Of his past history,
80 that the enemies Of the party will be un-
able to rake up against him things that no.
body ever heard Of before. IL you know
the most about q candidate, 10 begin with,
every attempt to spring things on him will
be checkmated. Now am going to enter
the field with an open record. l am going
to own up in advance 10 all the wickoduess
have done, and if any congressional commit
tee is disposed to prowl around my biogra.
ply, in the hope Of finding any dark and
deadly deed which have secreted, why let
IL prowl.
In the irst placs admit that l did tree
n rheumatic grandfather Of mine in the
winter Of 1859. He was old and inexpert
in climbing trees but with heartless bru-
tally that is characteristic Of me, l ran him
out Of the front door in his night shirt, at
the point Of q shotgun, and caused him to
bowl up q maple tree, whore he remained all
night while emptied shot into his legs. did
this because he suored. | will do it again
if | ever have another grandfather who
snores. | am as inhuman now as ever L
was in 1859. No rheumatic person shall
suors in my house.
canddly acknowledge that l ran away
at the battle of Gettysburg. My friends
have tried to smooth over this fact by as
sorting that got behind tree that did
so for the purpose of initiating Washington
who went into the woods at Vally Forge tc
say his prayers. 1t is a miserable subter'
, fuge. l cut in straight line for the TropiC
Of Cancer simply because L was scared.
wanted my country saved, but | preferred
having somebody else save her. enter
| tain that preference yet. If the bubble rep
, utation can be obtained only at the cannon's
5 moth, am willing to 60 there for it, pro
| viding the cannon is empty. If it is loaded
2 my immortal aud inAexible purpose is to ge
suddenly over the fence and 60 home. My
invariable practice in war has been to briny
out Of any given fight two-thirds more thai
, | took in. This seems to me to be Napole
/ Onic 10 its grandeur.
s My financial views are Of the most de
. cided character, but they are not likely
| perhaps, to increase my popularity with thu
, advocates of initiation and contraction. | d,
/, not insist upon the special supremacy Of rae
r money or hard money. The great fdnda
' mental principle Of my life. is to take an
s kind that can get.
i The rumor that | buried O dead auu
under one of my grape vines is founded o
I facts. The vine needed fertilizing, my au1
6 had to DO buried, and dedicated her to th
G purpose. Does that unfit me for the presl
dency The constitution of our eountr,
d does not say so. No other citizen was eve
10 considered unworthy OF the Office because
ID enriched his grape vines with his relations
Why should be selected as the first viz
a tim of an absurd prejudice?
d admit, also, that | am not q friend O
" the poor man. regard the poor man, i
}, his present condition, as so much waste
ii raw material. Cut up and properly came
v he might be made useful to fatten the ma
Q tives Of the Canuibal Islands, and to in
prove our export trade with that region;
50 shall recommend legislation upon the sub
d ject in my message. My campaign cry wi
n be: "Dessicate' the poor working man
e Stuff him into sausages !"
70 These are about the worst parts Of m
10 record. On them come before the couu
10 try. If my country don't want me | wi
10 go back again. But | recommend myse
W as u safe mana man who starts from III
ID basis Of total depravity and proposes to b
d, 6endish to the last.