The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-03-23
Wit and HumOr.

WHEN are eyes not eyes! When the
wind makes them water.
A JURY in suicide case lately found
the following verdict "We, the jury,
find that the deceased was fool"
How DID the busy Mrs BIS
Improve the shining hours,
And widows mites accrue unto
What might be called left Bowers.
A YOUNG woman In Hoboken threw
snuff into her lovers eyes because he
wouldn't stay till 3 o'clock In the morn
ing when he came to spark her. He
didn't feel sleepy after he got the snuff.
A BRooKnINE gentleman was directing
an English gardener to put his hedge in
order. His reply was ''Ah yes; you
gest want me to cut the hedge of the
edge"
MoLIERE was asked the reason why,
In certain countries, the king may assume
the crown at IA years of age, and cannot
marry before Is. cit is" answered
Mohere, 6 because it is more difficult to
rule wife than q kingdom.
A FEW weeks ago in Paris, man with
his wife was witnessing piece, at the
fourth act of which there was storm.
At the second thunder-clap the wife
pushed her husband, saying, 81 was ex-
pecting this, for l felt the storm in my
limbs all the last week."
"WHAT is the reason, my dear, said
Mrs. Fitzpatrick, that we who have
understandings equal to the wisest and
greatest of the other sex SO often make
choice of the silliest fellows for compan-
ions and favorites Possibly (adds
Waggies) Mrs. Fitz has got the major
proposition wrong.
A YOUNG woman, who appears to be
opposed to girls being taught to sew,
writes as follows to the WomGra's Jour-
nal: "Some time since gentleman of
Ithaca said, in quite company, 1 mean
to offer prize for the best shirt made by
the lady students of the university.
If you do rejoined impulsively, 8 I
will offer an equal one for the best chem
Use made by male student. 1t is poor
rule that won't work both ways.
How many common fgurative express
sions In our language are borrowed from
the art of carpentry may be seen in the
following sentence "The lawyer who
fled bill, shaved note, cut an &C
quaintance, split hair, made an entry,
got up case, framed an Indictment, i'm
paneled jury, put them into box,
bailed witness, hammered a judge, and
bored whole court, all in one day, has
since laid down law and turned carpen-
ter"
SOME of our police officers are bright
specimens. One of them recently
brought in woman charged with the
heinous offense of sssitting down in the
first ward" The Court-Was this in
America? Officer (surprised)-It was,
your Honor. The Contributing the
present century? Officer (amazed)-
Yes, your honor The Court-That's
all; you can step down. The officer does
so, gazing on the justice as if fascinated,
and at last removing his eyes from him
with sigh and a significant pantomime,
first tapping his head, and then shaking
it mournfully.
The other day little boy about four
years old was drawing his sled up and
down In front of his mothers house on
Fifth street, when the old lady came to
the door and called out: "Come In
here, boy" "Wait awhile" he an
swered. :" You walk right in here !"
she continued. 'sFirst you know some
body will abduct you, and first I know
some one will want $4,000 reward to
restore you, and here [ am, just ready
to break my last dollar for taters and
meath The boy went in.-Deeroit
Free Press.
YESTERDAY when Cass avenue woman
handed her fat-irons over the fence to
her neighbor she looked so cross that
the other woman asked: What's the
matter-are you sick2" "No-Im
mad r. "Heard bad news 2" "No;
the news is good enough, but there's my
boy Henry" eyes" 81 got all ready
to whip him this morning, and two ladies
called. After they had gone I got off
his coat again when the gas meter man
came in and had to stop and have a
jaw. Before I got hold of Henry again
his father came home and told me not to
whip him at all You don't know how
ANNOYED feel !''-Free Press.