The Cecil Whig., 1876-02-19

High class Literature-Gi stories.
What men going down hill want
Checks.
Woman proposes and man gifts up and
gifts, this year.
When is ship like scarf. pin9 When
it is on the bosom of heavy swell
Are not balloonsts airy naughts when
they make an ascension and fail to return?
The Fagot Dramatic Club would be
good name for collection of sticks to act
under.
Frogs were the original greenbacks,
and since they first drew breath they have
been intlationists.
"A sailor who has a scar which is the
result of dispute on shore many years
ago refers to it as an old landmark
A little girl sent out to hunt eggs came
back unsuccessful, complaining that &C. lots
of hens were standing round doing moth
ing"
The following laconic epitaph, carved
on Spanish tombstone, should be remem-
bered: 81 was well, tried to feel better,
took rhysic, and here am"
-" Came to his death while being hit on
the head with a long handled stew pan, in
the hands of his wife, was the verdict in
a recent case in Illinois.
Puzzled school boy to bis teacher:
But, sir, if wanst naught be nothing,
then twice naught must be something; for
it's double what wanst uaught is"
The most glowing passages in min
ister's sermon will attract scarcely half the
attention that centers on the man who
blows his nose in church. h.-Fulton Times.
p. 4. Barnum has resolved to be a
travelling Snowman no longer, but when it
was announced that New Haven had a two
legged horse, his wife had to hide his hat.
&c Is it wrong to cheat lawyer" was
recently very ably discussed by the mem
bers of debating society. The conclusion
arrived at was that it was not wrong, but
impossible.
A Duluth girl married young man
| because he lifted his hat so beautifully as
he passed her. She got divorce because
he lifted the table so beautifully when the
dinner didn't suit him.
"A fond husband boasted to friend,
Tom, the old woman came near calling
me honey, last night" "Did she, Bils
What did she say?'' "She said, well,
old Beeswax, come to SUPPER"
Never chew your words. Open the
mouth and let the words come out. A stu
dent once asked: "Can virchu, fortichude,
gratichude, or quiechude dwell with that
man who is stranger to rectchude?"
90 Is there much water in the cistern,
Biddy ," inquired a gentleman of his SER
want girl, as she came up from the kitchen.
sit is full on the bottom, sir but there's
none at all on the top" was the reply.
"A dandy getting measured for pair
of riding boots, observed, "Make them
cover the calf -" Heavens" exclaimed
the shoemaker, astounded, surveying his
customer, 81 have not got leather enough.''
ny lIe DttllNe Ue Udke0 as u
| symbol of industry? Not a bee is to be
seen all the Winter long, while the cock
roach is up at five o'clock in the morning.,
and never goes to bed till midnight. Let's
change this thing
A Wisconsin, editor illustrates the pre-
vailing extravaganza of the people of the
present day, calling attention to the costly
baby carriage in use now, while, when he
was a baby. they hauled him around by
the hair of the head.
-" Do you think am fool >" violent
man once asked the late Rev. DR.. Bethune.
Really" replied the doctor, 81 would
not venture the assertion; but now that
you ask my opinion, l must say that | am
not prepared to deny it,
Little Alice was crying bitterly, and
on being questioned confessed to having
received slap from one of her playfellows.
"You should have returned it," unwisely
said the questioner. "Oh, | returned it
BEFORE said the little girl.
He sat in a railway car. His head was
thckly covered with mass Of red hair.
Behind him in scat sat a man with hardly
any hair on his head. He said to him, az
guess You wasn't around when they dealt
out hair" "Oh, yes was" replied bald
head, "but they offered me a lot of red
hair, and told them to throw it into the
ash bin
The German papers tell this story in
connection with Baron Rothchilds death.
A. meets b. weeping and sobbing aloud.
Says A: "Why do you weep?' "Because,"
answers b. as if his heart was breaking
because he is dead-the powerful, the
rich baron" ''But," asks A., "Why do
you cry so mucho He was no relation of
yours" "That's just what I'm crying
-Umbrella Courtship.
The wind was damp with coming wet
When James and blue-eYed Lizzie met;
He held gingham DER his head,
And to the maiden thus he said:
"Oh, lovely girl, my hearts aflre
With loves uuquenchable desire;
Say, dearest one wilt thou be mine,
And Join me in the grocery line -
The maid. in accents sweet, replied:
Jim, hold the umbrella more my
My brand new bonnets getting wet
I'll marry yer, yer needn't fret" .. p
When two young people who haW-A>-
hankerng for each other meet for the first
time at social gathering, the following
colloquy ensues: He (timidly)-" Fine
weather we are having" Raining like
thunder outside.) She (bashfully)-" Yes;
very" He (after pause of five minutes)
-" How do you enjoy yourself this even
ing?" She" Am having an exquisite
time" (Fib No. ~ He (nervously)-
"Think it will rain all night ~ She
tdoubtinglyl-" don't know, do you?'
He (tremulol-"No no." After
five more minutes of suspense and twitch-
ing of fingers, the bashful youth again