The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-04-06
". C. Monkho,tse.
Wit and Humor.
-Austin Do0soa,

A11NG III WSlSub--E dlo0 scales.
SPANISH women are good s'noras
bellies call great many people
to church.
SOMETHING that always SCOTS CHM
| ney-sweep.
A MAN too strictly economical becomes
an ecOno -miser.
Sort hearts often harden, but soft
heads never change.
WHAT'S In name? d. Seaver drives
st. Louis milk wagon.
! GOLD must be tried by fire, as the
| heart must be tried by pain.
IT is difficult to tell how much fish
will weigh by looking at the scales.
SHOCKING profanity-that of the man
who was born at Mecklenburg- Schwerin.
The author of the saying, ''You must
always take man as you find him." was
a constable.
A CAT is supposed to be fond of her
offspring. A popular delusion. She is
constantly licking them.
The Vienna opera-goers decline to ap-
plaud our Annie Louise, but she's just
Yankee girl enough not to Gary snap
about it.
"WHY, Mary Ann, what in the world
are you doing with the scissors9"
s'Shure, yez tould me to scallop the
oysters"
IT was Sydney Smith who retorted
upon some one who called him an every
day man, "Well, if I am an everyday
man you are weak one."
LUCY Ito her elder sister, who has just
been relating thrilling episode in the
| life of William Tell -'s And was the lit
tie boy allowed to eat the apple after
ward?
/ A MAN in Milwaukee had chance to
steal either thirty fine shirts or dirk
knife, and he did not look at the shirts
second time. He knew he couldn't stab
q man with clean shirt. Free Press.
JOAQUIN MILLER, in describing how he
| fell in love with girl at a railroad acci-
dent, makes a strange dramatic point
where he says:
81 see her before me lie senseless and pale,
With her hustle ripped up on the ravenous rail-
What's usee play poker" remarked
an almond-eyed denlzen of Tucson,
New, the other day. "Me hold four
kings and lace; Mclean man hold all
same time four laces and king; whole
week washee gone hkee woodbine.
/ WHAT weather!
| No two days alike together
I Slush and mud and snow and sneezing,
! Coughs and colds, and rain and freezing.
Sunday and Monday snow,
! Tuesday rain and freeze and blow,
| Oh for spring-time April showers,
! Gentle breezes and May flowers.
| Troy Times.
ANCIENT mariner Ito his youngest)-
"Well, if you love the girl, why don't
you go and tell her SO, Emery. I mind
the time-I'd married your mother-ah,
and done my six months for woppin'
her, too-long afore was your age;
but, lor' there amt no sperit in youth
nowadays !"
'sAHl Mrs. Dasher, said gushing Mrs.
Simpleton, during her morning call;
show delightfully."- that bouquet of vio-
let's and roses perfumes your parlors."
"Do you really notice itG" replied the
umph, why, they're only artificial,
ing when Simpleton came home he
found his wife confined to her bed
with high fever, and no supper ready.
A DETROIT lady purchased jacket at
| q Woodward avenue store the other day,
and the clerk said he would send it right
home inside of half an hour. In about
four hours package boy appeared with
the garment, and the impatient lady ex-
claimed g You boys are the greatest
nuisance In town. l suppose you stopped
to play marbles OF hunt up lost dog! !"
Indeed / didn't" he replied. 81 went
up home to change hats, and ma she had
to try on the jacket and parade before
the glass. Then Katy she put it on to
make call, and when she got back ma
was determined to walk over on Wood
ward avenue to show it off, and got
here as quick as ever could. ''-Detroit
Free Press.
WashingtOn'S Will.
The Richmond (Va.) correspondent OF