South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-09-22

"Betsy-bugY"
Rubbish! Dear me, it's extremely
annoying What is it l feel like? [
know what it is just rs well as ANYTHING.
Those birds that never sing except at
night-time?"
"Bull-toads?"
The latter suggestion Of her husband
was rejected with scorn, and she remark.
ed that it was Of no commemorative
would probably think of it by.and.by.
About two o'clock, the following morn
ing Fred was dreaming that. while on
the top of the Bank of California when
1T exploded, he was blown clear into the
middle OF Sandwich Island barbecue.
Just as the odor Of roasted missionary
greeted his nostrils, he was awakened
by his wife.
Erred, Fred."
Whats the matter now?T
"Fve got it,"
What, the colic?'
No, pct. its the nightingales."
Where do you feel them, peL?"
go! you stupid, I've got the word
couldn't think of tonight. | feel like
the nightingale
I'm burned if l dor And he turn.
ed over and went to sleep.
10"Well, Jake" said colored man
TO friend recently, ode billin' and de
COON am done, and de marriage am sot
10 dc first of de month" "Sho', chile"
replied the other, whar's de gal what vcr
done goin' to marry?"
Dye know Ann Eliza?''
-" hat, not de gal wild the green teeth.
and eighteen warts?"
'Jes hold on minute. boss" broke
IN the man who was going to be mar
RED, 81 know dat gals got green teeth
and warts, but whar's dc use of noticin'
eccemlicipties in dc gal what works in
rich family, end carries de KEY oh de
pantry, and will give fcllar a cold
chicken whenever he's hungry? | I'm.
derstan' my little biz -
t0 Rev c. II. Sturgeon, in his new
book, says all the stories told of DIR.
CHI are somewhat grim. lie could not
come down TO the level of men and wo-
men In the common order so far No IN
be jocose, and when he ATTEMPTED TO do
So ne looked like Hercules with the dis. |
tali' or Goliath threading needle
when he vcrged upon the humorous the
Jokes were ponderous and overwhelm. !
ing, burying his adversary as well as
crushing him. 1t is said that a rarru. |
lous dame once called on him to find
iauIt with the excessive length Of his
white bands We'll, we'll" said the I
doctor, what do you think is the right
length? Take them and make them rs
long or as short as you like"
The lady expressed her delight she
was sure her dear pastor would grant
her request, and, therefore, she had
brought her scissors with hcr,and would /.
do the trimming at once. Accordingly.
snip, snip, and the thing was done. and !,
the bibs returned.
Now" said the doctor, my good
sister, you must do me n good turn also" !
yes, that I will, doctor. What can
it bc?"
well, you have something about YOU
which is deal too long and should
like to sec it shorter"
Indeed, dear sir, / will not hesitate" /
said the dame. What is il? Here arc
the scissors use them as you please"
Como, then" said the pastor, good
sister, put out your tongue"
EVITe sat crumblod up over tho re-.
mains Of watermelon. with his hat on
the back ofhishoad and his toes turned
inward. grooming as if his heart would
break
DO you feel sick. Sam" asked
sympathizing friend.
Il feel" said Sam speaking with
much difficulty, II feel rs if was havin'
n circus performance in here" and he
struck himself q blow beneath the belt |
that sounded like the Zap Of wet sheet
IN an eighteen knot breeze.
~ I've stopped 20 get a bite" said
a vagabond to lady in her garden. in
an insolent manner. Here, Tiger ~
cried she and rs huge mastiG came
bounding 10 her side. she said TO tho
tramp If YOU don't leave at once