Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-07-26
General Items.

Leu US Do gldQ.
General Items.
THAT new London drink, "stout and
bitter" is now called mother-in.law
| for short.
No MAN, for any considerable period,
can wear one face to himself and an
other to the multitude, without finally
getting bewildered as to which may be
true.
A CAPTAIN AHLsTRoM has swan
down the Danube, from Vienna to
Pesth, without any apparatus, remain.
ing thirty nine hours in the water. and
scarcely stopping to rest
A MAN may penetrate with prophetic
vision the nifty vista of impending
years, and yet fail to detect the symp-
toms Of the coming pimple on the end
! of his nose.
MEN, says Adam Smith, are natural
ly unsentimental. A man will SCOOP
the bottom out of an egg without
thinking that the mother of that egg is.
perhaps, a hundred miles away in the
rain.
A YoUNGsTER, while pursuing chap
ter Of Genesis, turning to his father,
inquired if the people in those days
used to do sums on the ground. It was
discovered that he had been reading
the passage, "And the sons of men
multiplied upon the face of the earth"
CLARENCE, you've got real kind
heart" gratefully observed a young
lady on the cars to sallow-faced youth
as he dropped a prize package of pop
corn in her lap. Yes, Mary, my
hearts all right" he sadly replied,
what I want is a new liver"
The omnibus drivers of Liverpool.
who are on a strike, have taken curl
Gus way to bother employers who have
hired non-union men. They have
taken out summonses against the new
drivers for violating the old statutes of
Charles [. and H., which forbid work
on Sunday.
A DOWNTOWN man who read that the
habit of tobacco-chewing could be cured
by tasting an apple every time he felt
inclined to partake of the weed, gave
the recipe one days trial. AS he felt a
hankering for the weed all day, he de-
voured bushel of apples before bed
time, and retired with chunk of the
fruit In his mouth, which accidentally
slipped down his throat, and nearly
choked him to death. He resumed the
weed next morning.
Mr.. CONWAY, in a letter from Lon
don, tells the following story of Dean
Stanley: Once upon time the Dean
of Westminster, going to the Abbey,
put his gloves into his hat. On return
ing home after his discourse he said to
his wife, Somehow the congregation
seemed to gaze on me to-day with
peculiar interest while [ was preach
ing" IT do not wonder" replied Lady
Stanley, for during the entire sermon
your gloves rested on the top of your
head
AN Englishman named Mann, and
his wife, appear to have had remarka-
BILE success in tanning boa constructor,
which has just died. It came to be a
family pet, and was allowed the free
dom of the house. It exhibited great
attachment towards its owners not on
ly, but also came to know its friends
among visitors. It was accustomed to
task" for food and water, and to be ia
ken to walk. It ate nothing but pig
cons, consuming about one a week, and
always killed them by breaking their
necks before crushing them in its coils.
1t could entirely control the pressure of
it's coils, tWining about it's owners bod
les and necks, but never hurting them.
They often carried it about in travel
ing, when it remained concealed under
the coat, as though understanding the
necessity of keeping quiet. When it
was left behind it recognized and well
coined its friends return with the
greatest JOY, answering to the name Of
"Cleo."
A CORRESPONDENT of the Springfield
Mass Republican relates this anec-
dote of the late Judge Barbour, of
Hartford, Conn.,: " On one occasion he
was making speech In town meet
ing on some subject in which he was
much interested, when, waxing warm,
he exclaimed: I tell you, gentlemen,
that a new town farm is not needed-it
would cost too much. I can prove it
by figures that have got right here in
my pocket. / got them from the
records, and know what am talking
about. Here they are Putting his
hand into his coat-pocket, he drew out
document, gazed at it moment, and
exclaimed in the same oratorical tones,
: declare, here's letter for John
Bucks wife that he gave me to mail on
the cars, and / forgotto mail Hold
it up to Wow, he added, Is anybody
here going that way tonight The
shouts of laughter that greeted him re-
minded the Judge of his position, and
realizing the situation, he enjoyed the
joke as hugely as any Of his audi
ence."