Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1876-12-22
ALL SORTS.

ALL SORTS.
"A Brooklyn oculist advertises that
che can accommodate few pupils"
When is love like battle? When
it comes to an engagement.
Why is the lette IS" like a lamb?
Because it is the beginning of sheep"
"A New York sign reads: "Sewing
machines bought, sold, rented and
taught"
Shakespeare in horticulture: "That
which we caulihower by any other name
would smell as sweet"
White horses are now used exclu-
sively in Paris at funerals of children or
young unmarried pee Pile.
One of the earliest printers on rec
Ord-The Emperor Trajan, who set up
Roman column.
An Englishman has invented and
patented boot which has lamp and
boiler for generating steam located in
the heel.
Two things in an American omnibus
surprise the foreign correspondent--th
respectability of the passengers and the
absence of the conductor.
-" He's filling his last cavity, mourn
fully said a young dentist, as they low
cred the coffin of his deceased partner
into the grave.
--"Of all sweet things" said Bertha,
for the seaside, give me SERGE" The
Ancient Mariner shook his head. He
didn't see the joke.
The most laconic will on record is
that of a man who died in 1869. 1t runs
thus: 81 have nothing, l owe great
deal; the rest l give to the poor"
1t is pleasing thing to see roses
and lilies glowing upon young lady's
cheek, but bad sign to see mans face
break out in blossoms.
"A gentleman of Council Bluffs, Iowa,
is the possessor of dog which recently
ran eighteen miles in thirty-six minutes,
following a railway train upon which
was his master.
Mrs. Spilkins, reading that Gen.
Crook had just captured a hundred
lodges, devoutly expressed the wish that
her husbands lodge might be among the
number.
An Iowa paper tells of a smart wife
acres of wheat. The way she helped
him was to stand in the door and shake
broom at him when he sat down to
rest.
"A merchant at Watseka, ILL.,, the
other day, bought from farmer two
gallon crock of butter, and when he
came to test it he found deftly con
cealed in the center a reservoir which
contained eight pounds of water.
"A man who advertised for an "amia-
BILE wife," and has had the supposed
treasure for one week, expresses himself
thus obscurely: "She hadn't been in the
house twenty-four hours before the milk
soured."
The average speed of railroad trains
from New York city to the Pacific coast
is nineteen miles an hour, and the San
Francisco newspapers urge that it be in
creased to thirty, which would shorten
the journey over two days.
Vermont intelligence is not so uni
versal as most people believe. The Rut-
land Globe says there are 90,522 white
men in the State that can neither read
nor write, and over 5000 more who do
both so badly that they may be called
| illiterate.
Disappointed genius still cheers it.
self with the reflection that, although it
may never tread the dizzy heights of
fame, it can at least buy mallet and a
peck of potatoes and practice polo.-
Brooklyn Argus.
According to an English paper,
American inebriate asylums are in bad
way; the Pennsylvania State asylum has
been abolished, the New York city asy,
lum was to be abolished Immediately,
and the New York State asylum was in
danger of the same fate.
"A little girl came into one of oul
shoe stores the other day to take shoes
home for her mother to select from
"What number does your mother wear
sissy?" asked the merchant. "She told
me to bring some half-past fours," re-
piled the little girl.
-"Charley, what is it that makes you
so sweetY" said loving mother to hel
little boy, as she pressed him to hel
bosom. 3" dess when bod made me ou
of dust He put little thugar in, sait
Charley.
"A San Francisco attorney, who lately
committed suicide, wrote jocular not'
to the Coroner explaining that he haC
taken laudanum "with suicidal intent,
and hoped the Common Council woulC
not insist on building him monument
"A local debating society is prepar
ing to wrestle with the following ques
tion: "ResoLUed, That man who play
on an accordion and keeps barking
dog can't be a Christian" Four mem
bers to one want to take the negative
side.
"A countryman bargained with Cal
ifornia photographer for a half-lengtl
picture of himself at half price, anC
when the artist delivered fine view o.
the subject from the waistband dowI
the victimized sitter indulged in remarks
more forcible than polite.
AT the late election in Michigan tn,
voters of that State ratified by MAORI
ty of 7,420 a constitutional amendmen
striking out clause of the present Con
stitution which forbids the Legislature
to pass any license law In regard Il
traffic in intoxicating liquor.
"A New Yorker, writing from Phlla
delphia, says; "When the New Yorl
milkman says, 'WhoopseP the Philadel
phia milkman says, cheerfully; Madam
may trouble you to relieve me of tn
lacteal fluid which have brought owe
for your consumption"