The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-07-15
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
An editor of denominational paper in
Chicago says: ga man needs grace to edit a
religious paper at any time, but especially when
he has the rheumatism
western paper announces the illness of its
editor, piously adding: All good paying
subscribers requested to mention him in
their prayers; those of the wicked avail nothing
The Chicago Tribune says that million
Americans eat with their knives. That is so,
and If this Chinese immigration don't cease,
there will be few more million who will be
glad to eat with anything.
a Boston preacher said '' If any society will
take charge of all the cases of poverty brought
on by intenperance, this church will take upon
itself to relieve all the remaining paupers of
Boston,
The other day Black Hills stage driver
undertook to horsewbip his passengers into
getting out and pushing up the hill, but the
gold-seekers emptied their revolvers into him
few times, held corOner's inquest and found
that he died of pneumonia.
The Saturday Rerie,o has started project fer
n novel society to be organized for the purpose
Of stocking uninhabited islands with pigs and
rabbits, so that shipwrecked sailors who happen
70 reach them may find an abundance of food
awaiting them.
1t is not. generally known why Zach Chandler
once declined the Spanish mission. 1t was
because somebody told him that there was no
--s<.-w'' in the Spanish language. As there is no
siw'' in Spanish, he couldn't how the
dickens there could be any whisky in Spain.
Ten years ago. says an exchange, expa-
tiating on the profits of breeding fine cattle,
- Iowa had no short horns'' True Four
fingers clear every time, before the water
dashed in, was the average Iowa nip. But it
found too wearing, and short horns and
good many of them have since become the
custom.
A young man in Western Wisconsin, who
was about to be married the other day, suddenly
remembered that he hadn't fed his horse, and
the ceremony had to wait until the horse had
been cared for. He explained that good horse
couldn't be found every day, while thirteen
different girls wanted to marry him.-Boston
Transcript E
An Indiana woman recently sent the following
note to her husband, who is serving out three
years sentence in State prison '' Dear Tom
l have obtained divorce from you and am about
to marry again. But never mind for when you
come out i will run away with you if you see
any way by which we can get living"
He was very young man. a few stray hairs
upon his lip attested the fact that he was en-
gagged in a deadly struggle with mustache.
He went into variety store on Main street, and
said to the proprietor '' Have you Charles
Reade's { Lost Heir?'' No, l haven't"
replied the storekeeper. ' But he continued,
looking into the young mans face, ''I've got
something that viii make that mustache of yours
start ont like boils in spring time"
new coupon cutter which cuts both sides
of a coupon at once, has been invented. 1t will
be of much value to professional men. 1t has
always been our own custom to devote Saturday
nights to cutting of our coupons, but we have
found that using an ordinary pair of scissors,
unless We begin very early in the evening, the
working was apt TO encroach upon the Sabbath.
The mere saving of labor makes this instrument
of untold yalue.-NOrlcich Bulletin.
.sMa does pa kiss the cat p - Why, no
my son what in the name of goodness put that
in vour head?'' 90 Cos, when pa came down
stairs this morning, he kissed Sarah in the
hallway and said, '' That's better than kissing
that, people say, is the reason why Smith stayed
in the Charity Hospital for nearly two months.
N. o. Picdy1tne.
During the trial of a divorce in England
recently the libellants counsel in cross-examIning
the correspondent concerning certain affecting
Ieave-takIng with the respondent at a railway
station, asked 80 Did you not place yOnr hand
in his, saving, Meet me in heaven, George?'' -
Would you have had me ask him to meet me
in hell 2" flashed back the lady. When the
roars in the courtroom had subs;ded, the lawyer
repeated: 80 Did you, or did you not, ask him
to meet you in heaven ?'' 50 Yes, did, - was the
next retort, '' but 1 hope you don't call that
improper
The Austin (Ney.) ReUeile says The season
for hauling wood and charcoal being about to
set in, saloon-keeper who is mp to the times
has invented new drink, which he calls '' Coal
burners Ecstasy and Teamster' Rejuvenator.'
One drink of these makes man forget all his
earthly troubles two drinks make him think
that he's smarter than Brigham Young
the third causes him to fancy himself General
Crook on the warpath against the Sioux; and
the fourth is calculated to land him in the august
presence Of Justice Logan, with the danger of
$50 worth of painful duty staring him in the
face.
\ New WAY TO Pay DEBTs.-A New Yorker,
while journeying the other day, was recognised
by another citizen doing business near the
Bowery, he being also away from home on busi-
ness, and after little preliminary conversation
the first remarked 8. Well, hear that you had
to make an assignment Yes, dat is drew"
replied the other. - And your brother over on
Cbatham-street-he assigned too, didn't he ?''
You zee it was just like dis said the Bowery
man; IS was owing good deal. makes over
NV stock to Jacob, and Jacob makes over his
stock to me, and do his peespess. and ne does
nv peesness and dem fellers what was after
doap 1of