Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1876-02-05

"Ah, Mark, il was n ruinOus invest
ment. that l made in those heartless
rhymes. They have ridden me like a
nightmare, day and night, hour after
hour, 10 this hour, this very moment
Since l saw you / have suffered the tor
ments of the lost. Saturday evening
l had sudden call, by telegraph, and
took the night train tor Boston. The
occasion was the death Of a valued
old friend who had requested that
/ should preach his funeral sermOn.-
l took my seat in the cars and set my
self 10 framing the discourse. But / new
or got beyond the opening paragraph, for
then the train started and the car wheels
began their 'clack elack clack clack,
clack-clack -clack-clackr and righ away
those OdiOus rhymes fitted themselves TO
that accompaniment. For an hour l sat
there and set syllable of those rhymes
TO every separate and distinct clack the
ear wheels made. Why, | was tagged
ont, tden, as if l had been chopping wood
all day. Ny skull was splitting with
headache. 1t seems to me that must 90
mad III sat there any longer, so Iundress-
ed and went 10 bed l stretched myself
Out in my berth, nnd-wcli, YOU know
what the result was, The thing went rirhr
along just the same 'Clack-clack-claCk
a blue trip slip, clack- clack-clack, for an
eight cent fare; ck-clack- clack, a buff
q
fare, and so on, and so On-punch ia the
presence of the passenjare! Sleep? Not
SINGLE wink! / was almost a lunatic when
l got to Boston. DOn't ask me about the
funeral. l did the best l could, but every
solemn individual sentence was meshed
and tangled and woven in and out with
Punch, brothers, punch with care, punch
in the presence of the passenjare.' And
the most distressing thing was that my
delivery dropped into the undulating
Tymth of those rhymes, and could actu-
ally catch absent minded people nodding
time to the swing of il with tncir stupid
heads. And, Mark, you may believe il or
not, but before got through, the entire
assemblage were placidly bObbing their
heads in solemn unison, mOurners, un-
deTtaker and all. The moment 1 had fin
ished, He'd 10 the anieTOca In a state
bordering on frenzy. OF course IL would
be my luck to find a sOrrowing ana an
aged maiden aunt Of the deceased there,
who had arrived from Springfield too late
to get into this church. She began to sob,
and said:
1EOh, oh, oh, he is gone, and / didn't
see him before he diedi''
s- q = es J 1 saidl. s9le is gone. he Is coae,
he is gone-0h, will this suffering never
cease?'
you loved him, then! Oh, you, too,
loved him -
''Loved! Loved who?
''Why my poor George! my poor neph-
'-Oh-him. Yes-oh, yes, yes. Ger
tainly-certainly. Punch-punch-Oh
this misery Will XIII me -
''Bless you'll bless you, sir, for these
sweet words! /, too, suffer in this dear
loss. Were you present during his last
moments 20
Eyes! I-whose last moments?"
ellis. The dear departcd's.'
Eyes! Oh, yes-yes-yes! l suppose
so, think so, l don't know. Oh, GER
tainly-1 was there-I was there!'
''Oh, what privilege! what a preci-
GUS privilege! And his last words-Oh,
tell me, tell me his words. What did he
sayy"
'IHe said-he said-oh, my head, my
head, my head He said-he said-he
never said anything but Punch, punch,
punch, in the presence of the passenjare!
Oh, leave me, madam! In the name of
all that is generous, leave me TO my mad
ness, my misery, my despair "a buff
] trip slip for siX-cent fare, pink trip slip
for three-cent fare-endurance can no
further gO!-Punch in the presence of
the passenjarei"
My friends hopeless eyes rested upon
mine a pregnant minute, and then he
said impressively-
Mark, you do not say anything. You
AO AAbN bAAGA l4lS All AAbiCs nut All me IL
is just as well-it is just as well. You
could not do me any good. The time has
long gone by when words could cOmforc
me. Something tells me that my tongue
is doomed 10 wag forever to the jigger Of
that remOrseless jingle. There-there il
is coming on me again; a blue trip slip for
an eight-cent fare, buff trip slip for a
ten-cent fare, a buff trip slip for a.
Thus murmuring faint and fainter, my
friend sank into peaceful trance and
forgot his sufferings in blessed respite.
How did finally save him from the
/ asylum? | took him TO a neighboring
university and made hun discharge the
burden of his prosecuting rhymes into
the eager ears Of the poor unthinkiug
students. How is 1t with them nOw:-
| The result is too sad to tell. Why did
write this article: 1t was to warn you,
/ reader, if you should come across those
merciless rhymes, to avoid them rs you
[ would pestilence!