Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-03-31
A CHICAGO DRUMMER.
His Sad Experience in Nodawny, Mis-
souri,.

The New York Mercuryis respon-
sible for the following:
Run, gals, and shuck yerselves in
hurry the strangers comm in
And Missouri Ann, you just git inter
them Sunday duds O. your'n, quick
er'n shootin', er you'll hcer from me,
your mother!"
That was what Mrs. Martingale, of
.Nodaway county, Missouri, told her
daughters, when she saw welldress-
ed man ride up to her hitching-rail, /,
and alight from his horse.
"Come right in stranger. Take a
cheer and sit down. Fine weather
now for ~ most anything. Shed yer
great coat, stranger, and come clus
to the fire and git warm. The gals
is gone to shuck themselves, hutthey
won't be more'n mint about it"
He was a Chicago drummer, and
he Lad lost his road.
Prudent mothers in Nodaway don't
encourage the attention of Chicago
drummers because they say those
gentlemen from Chicago are no ac-
count men.
He was a married man at home,
but he didn't 60 Introducing himself
everywhere as the happy father of
six smartest boys in the State of
Illinois; nor did he carry a pocket
full of his wife's photographs to dis
tribute IN every town on his road.
He sold drugs and druggists sundsies
on commission; and he was ready to
bet his bottom dollar that he sold
more quininc, calomel and Godtrey's
cordial in one month than any man
travelling out of Chicago.
He didn't feel bad about it when
Mrs. Martingale slung the kettle on
the fire and set her coffee mill to
grinding for him. On the contrary,
he encouraged her endeavors by say
ing that he never knew woman
with IA head shaped like hers who
couldn't just knock the spots off
everything when she tried her hand
at frying spare-rib or making coffee.
She tried to disparage her cooking
by saying shoats this year didn't pan
out according to expectations; then
the weather had been so warm that
it was mighty hard work to keep
spare-rlbs and joles from spelling.
lie didn't requi any second invi-
tation to sit up, and wasn't bothered
with looking over bill Of fare to
see what he wanted. He made a
square meal on it before she had time
to ask him where he was from, or
whether he was married or single
The daughters appeared in their pref
tiest just when he was moving back
from the table.
"Strangcr, this is my darter, Mis-
souri, Ann; that one is Florida Jane,
and the other is Sadie Maria. They
re just about as pert gals as there is
in Nodaway. They're all of them
willing to spark. Now, gals, sit down
and talk to the stranger"
And Mrs. Martingale busted her.
self clearing the table, leaving her
charming daughters to entertain the
Chicago man of drugs; when sud
denly it occurred to her that she had
not yet learned where he was from,
not what his calling was-two i'm
portant things for mother TO know.
81 reckon you're from Omaha or
the Bluffs. Mister?"
"No; | hail from further east"
"You'er from over the river in
Newbrasky, anyhow"
"No; I live in Chicago"
"Shccago! Gals, shuck back agin
inter yer old duds. He amt worth a
lead nickel. Amt you looking for
a pardner, mister?"
"No; l don't want to marry"
"Then you jist git up and git,
mighty sudden. We amt no green
gooseberrles-me and my gals. We
don't want no man comming around
here that amt locking for pardners.
Now, you git! Florida Jane, you
call them dogs!"
That Chicago man mounted his
horse and rode away in such haste
that he forgot to say good-by. But
the next night when he met three
hummer friends in Omaha, and told
them the story, they all sighed and
called for hot drinks at his expense,
for they were sorry to see such inno-
cence travelling from Chicago.