The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-03-17
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

taken 1t.
PERSIA is the country where woman's
wrongs really need attending to. The
Persian wife is sent to Jail month for
talking to her husband in a loud tone
of voice"
WHAT George Eliot calls "warm pale
ness" is identical with the hue Of a
mans face who struggles wildly on the
perilOus edge of an orange-pecl, and IS
too pious to swear.
THERE has been good deal Of fun
made over the Chinese birds nest soup,
but il is said by Americans who have
tasted of the dish that it will yet be
served at our restaurants.
WE are all sculptors and painters, ana
our material is our own flesh and blood
and bones. Any nobleness begins at
once to refine a mans features, and
meanness or sensuality to imbrute them.
-IhOTiedu
THE Two LIVES
o life tclcw--how brief and poor and sad,
Ono heavy sigh.
life above-how long, how fair, and glad
An endless Joy.
Oh, to be done with daily dying here
Oh, to begin the living in yon sphere
0 day OF time, how dark sky and earth,
How dull your hue
o day of Christ, how bright 0 sky and
earth,
Made fair and newt
Come, better Eden, with thy fresher green
Come, brighter Salem, gladden. all the scene.
Mr.. PUNCH being asked his opinion of
the present ladies' dress, replied: "I
highly approve OF the present fashion,
comprehending as it does the highest
graces of the two most distinguished
models of female beauty-having in front
the Venus de Medici; behind, the Venus
de Hottentot!
A DIVORCED woman of Danbury re-
Gently married again, and shortly lost
her second husband by an accident. A
neighbor, on hearing the shocking news.
observed: "It's awful, awful indeed
but then" she added, with an encouraging
nod, ait is not 50 bad as it might be.
She has another husband. 1t tain't as
bad as if she had lost the only one she
! had" The friends took comfort.
CPL be a good man and give up
cards. and smoking and chewing and
! drinking and give you diamond engage
! noent ring" said the lover. go Edwardl
vou-yoa are so good :" and she leaned
! her frizzes on his shoulder. And there
| they sat and sat, until the soft arms OF
night, that dusky nurse of the world,
/ had folded them from sight-Ponderlng,
/ planning, thinking, she of the diamend
! ring, and he of how on earth no was to
get it.
| BLESSED is the man who knows enough
/ to keep his mouth shut. Some people
| live sixty years without learning the
art. Indeed the older they grow the
wider their mouths open. a man or
/ woman who is gabbler at iOrty-iYe ls
/ dreadful affliction to a house, or church,
I or community. There are two things
| this age needs to learn-when to say
nothing. and when it says anything to
saw it we'll. "If any man among you
geem to be religious, and bridleth not his
tongue. this mans religion is vain." -
| Golden Rule.
FAME
Six hundred stalwart men,
From English vale and Scottish glch,
To brave the battles thunder;
A., order passed that was not gwen,
AuewfuI crime that les TO heaven,
That Balaklava blunder
A poet meath his vines,
Weaving the tale in rhyming lines
That set the world 10 weeping
That bring n wave of golden store
Unto the island cottage door,
Into the poets keeping.
An old man, stark and dead
One wintery day, III an open she'd
Staryation's mOurnful story
And he was one who charged that day
With the Light Brigade" in the famous
fray
Alas, for earthly glory!
A NEwsBoY was passing along the
street. when he chanced to discover a
purse of grpenbacks. He was at first in
clined to conceal it, but repelling the
unworthy suggestion, he asked Il Vener-
able man if il were his'n. The Venera-
bic man looked at it hurriedly, said IT
was, patted him on the head, gave him
a quarter, and said ne would YET DC
president. The venerable man fastened
away. but was arrested for having coun-
terfeit bills in his possession, while the
honest newsboy played penny-ante with
his humble quarter and ran it up TO
1862. Moral Honesty is sometimes tho
best policy.
THE provident Indian, says the Austin
New Reveille, covers his hat with a
dirty handkerchief to protect IT. from the
snow. The improvident Indian hasn't
got hat or handkerchief. The Provident
Indian is the one that is successful AZ
poker. When the red man CANDLES he
plays for all that's out. As the boys
say "he's blooded :" and when luck Is
against him he plays of hat, coat, boots,
horse. wife, everything, When he has
had run of bad luck and the weather ~
severe, he lies down beside a woOdplle
and takes his solemn oath that he WIZ
never touch another card as long as he
lives but soOn RECEIVERS from his ht OF
dependency and hunts job to earn
money with which to again WOO the tickle
goddess.
THE following essay on Fish" the
Boston Herald attributes 70 Cambridge
boy: "Fish live in the Atlantic ocean,
Charles river, and some in Buzzards
bay. When they are email they arc
called Goldfish and herrin, and sich put
when they grow up they are .called
whales. The fat of whales IS cut uPaRn
billed and made into kerosene OIL ior gas
light their bones are made into whale
bones for ivory pianer keys ana doHs
inoes: also for iack-kniie handles and
horn buttons. l wish whale would
swallow nv school teacher, you bet.
Fish Is ALWAYS eat on Friday-darn
fish. hate 'em there's too many bones
10 pick out; I'd rather eat paper oi
pins, fried in lard, ou bet"
WE have had spelling matches and
recommendation matches, and now IT ls
time to begin enunciatiOn matches. Min
isters especially ought to center" for
them. let them practice giving out
texts and notices. It is too bad 70 have
their "dear hearers' think that the text
il " something about hawk betweentwQ
PIGEONS" when it is really, "why hall
We between two opinionsg ana very
bad, for the minister, when he says,
a there will be no service here ills after
noon, as am going TO officiate for an
other clergyman to be understood, TO
cav " there will be no service here this
afternoon, as am gong fishing with ani
other clergyman" When a clergyman
can't say "Ill venture TO assert WIN
cut leaving doubtful whether he aIdn
say "Ill bet you a shirt" he had better
look out. g.
DESPERATE WoMEN.-Jennie Collins,
in the Boston Transcript, tells the fol-
lowing story OF the working girls OF that
citv: On Saturday night, not long ago,
three girls came home with their weeks
4 anIg 9