South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-04-07
WITT AND IIUaOls.


W.T. AND IIUMOle.
tVZeb Crummet says wise men learn
more from fools than fools do from them.
IVA witty prelate was asked If he |
did not think that such an one followed |
his Conscience. "Yes,' said his Grace
II think he follows it as q man docs a |
horse in a gig-he dives it first.
0If Beecher knows that Mrs. Tilton |
Is as pure as a snowflake, and if Mrs.
Beecher knows that Henry is rs pure as
two snowfakes, why doesn't she speak
to Mrs. Tilton when they meet? WHY
look daggers Mt her: There's inconsis.
tency there somewhere. Detroit Press.
" They have q curious way OF de-
Gliding law suits in North Siam, both
parties are put under cold water. and the
one staying longest wins the suit. In
this country, both parties are got into
hot water and then kept there as long
rs possible.
Down BRAKEs.-Thurman sports a
red bandanna handkerchief, and blows
that on one occasion Senator Jones, of
Nevada. who. early in life, had been n
brakeman on railroad. dropped asleep
at his desk. Senator Thurman solemn.
ly waved his red bandanna and gave his
nose terrific snort. The sleeping Sc.
nator sprang to his feet, and seizing his
desk commenced twisting it with all his
might. He afterwards explained that
he thought Thurman's blow was an en-
CINE whistling down break" and the
red bandanna handkerchief signal Of
distress, hence his wrenching of the
desk.
TRUE.-It has been remarked that
formerly when q man 60: tired of the
world he went into q cave and dwelt q.
lone; now he accomplishcs the result
by opening a store and neglecting to
advertise.
BIC SToRIEs.-Those who are in the
habit of telling prodgious stories ought
to have good memories but fortunately,
their memories are generally short. Rich
ard Brinsley Sheridan dealt with these
mendacious pests in q manner peculiar to
himself. He would never allow himself
to he outdone by verbal prodigy.
Whenever a monstrons story was told
In his presence, he would endeavor to
Guido it, by one of his own coinage, and
consisn the narrator to confusion by
falsehood more glaring than his own.
Oncein his hearing sporting adventnr.
er run thus: Il was fishing one day.
say in certain cold spring full OF de.
licious trout, and soon caught a large
mess. But what was really surprising.
not foot from the cold spring there
was one of boiling water; SO that, when
you wanted to cook your fish, all you
had to do, after hooking them from the
cold spring, was, to pop them directly
into the boiling" The company all ex.
pressed astonishment and incredulity ut
this monstrous assertion, with the excep.
ton of Sheridan. Il know said he,
'of phenomenon yet more surprising.
| was fishing one day, when came to
place where there were three springs.
The first was cold one stocked with
fish, the second boiling spring. and the
third natural fountain Of melted butter
and parsley"
"Melted butter and parsley :" exclaim.
ed the first story teller, impossible"
Excuse me, sir" said Sheridan; Il
didn't doubt your story and mine is
just as good"
E"Oh how joyful the sun shone out
this morning It's first glance reminded
us of bowers, lovely flowers ~ Hold
that fellow he is in a bad way
A SMART BoY.-A Brownsville young
man called on his intended the other
evening, and while waiting for her to
make an appearance he struck up con.
versation with his intended brot her-n.
law. After awhile the hoy asked: "Dees
galvanized n ggers know much?"
81 really can't say" answered The
amused young man and silence reign.
ed for few moments, when the boy re.
sumed kin you play checkers with
your nose?"
mo, i have not acquired that accom-
plishment."
We'll, you'd had better learn. You
hear me?"
"Why?"
Cause sis says that yer don't know
as much as a galvanized niger, but yer
dads got lots o stamps, and she'll mar.
~ you anyhow; ana she SAID when she
got ahold Of the old mans sugar she was
Eoin' to all the Fourth Of July perces-
shuns ami ice cream gum sucks, and let
you stay at home to play checkers with
that hollyhock nose Of yourn."
And when isis" got her hair banged
and came in she found the parlor desert.
ed by all save her brother, who was in.
nocently tying the tails og two kittens
together and singing, 20, love the
Sabbath school,"
To Economical fathers Of grown.up
daughters are growing over the fact
that there are dfty.three Sunday nights
this year. And it's leap year, too
tV IL was Prince John Van Buren,
who, being stopped by highwaymen one
"A