Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-12-01
f. N :

A0 49, ~ Wos L hO6 }
"Wel, no." said the young man, Sitting a
little sigh, ''things was all arranged, but
I've kind O. had to put the wedding off a
little while like it might be.'' "What's
wrong 7" asked the friend, in sympathetic
tones, "Old folks down on the match?'
swell, not exactly; you see she has no
parents, and she's her own boss like, but
=" Girl didn't throw you, did she?
Didn't go back on yeu?" "Well," said
the young man hesitatlngly, sn'-not ex-
actly; ye see, W of her husbands kind of
happened to find her and come in On her
together, sort of unexpected like, and I've
just sort of thought we'd kind of put 1t off
like it might be-" And the subject of con-
yersatlon was delicately changed like.
A colored servant, sweeping out a bach
elor's room, found a sixpence on the car
pet, which he carried to the owner.
"You may keep it for your honesty
said he.
A short time after, he missed his gold
pencil-case, and inquired of his servant if
he had seen it.
Eyes, sill" was the reply.
And what did you do with it ?"
except it for my honesty, sir"
The bachelor disappeared.
A negro town-crier in Palmyra, La, was
sent out to ring his bell and shout, Colo
mel Anderson will speak at the Town Hall
tonight on the greenback and Peter
Cooper question" He made the announces
ment correc tly several times, and then got
it changed to "Oh, yes! oh. yes !! Colonel
Cooperback will speak on the Green Peter
question !" When last heard, he was yell
ing "Whoop>a-lal Green Peterson will
speak on the Coop question this evening %
Norwich Bulletin" He leaned over
the garden fence and remarked to a neigh
Dor teat it was grand at this season to
watch the tender tints of natures robes,
to listen 20 the diapasor of the universe,
and to yield to its thrilling influence. He
would have said more, but just then his
wife called out from the house that if he
wanted those pantaloons reseated he'd
have to come in and take them off, and lie
was obliged to stop.
Mr.. Topper tells d New York reporter
that during the storm on his passage hith
er, II lay in my berth and saw my bag
gage roll about, and thought of the Al
mighty" We shall see anon what The
poet shall nave to say when he trave. S over
our railroads and has his baggage handled
by an expert who has travelled 800 0 miles
a year for eleven Years.
But two brief months ago and the ice
man could command Il bow from our most
aristocratic citizens. To-day he siJs neg
iected and shivering On his box, d blue-
nosed victim of human instability.
A Detroit woman who Was turned out
Of her house for non-pa yment of rent, Went
out in good style, putting on silks and
jewelry and having her hair frizzed in ex-
ira style for the occasion.
''There is no place like home," says the
poet. Right, unless it's the home of tie
young woman you are alter. This is Of
course an exception. Future poets will
please to note it.
A life insurance agent applied to a Tex
an to take out a policy but the Texan
replied. IA fellows life is SO confound-
edIy uncertain in this country it amt
worth insuring.
"He knows on which side his bread is
buttered" is now rendered, 'Ete is aware
on what portion of the staff Of life the
oleaginous pro duce of The dairy is dis
persed."
A little boy, gazing upon an old picture
oF liC noofhor fakpn in y 1nrU nnok drncc
remarked. "'Mamma, you was mos ready
for bed when dat picter was tooken."
The difference between a country and a
city greenhorn. is that one would like to
know everything, and the other thinks he
can tell him.
Why is a lawyer the worst sleeper in the
world? Because he first lies on one side,
and then he lies on the other, and he is
wide awake all the time.
A Western editor, in writing the obitu>
airy of a respectable citizen, says that che
has gone to that undiscovered burn"
In China, two people OF the same sur
name dare not marry. The Smith family
would suffer in that country.
The new patent butter made out OF beef
suet won't suit many people, we fancy.
We prefer de udder kline.
Why is a washerwoman the most cruel
person in the world 2 Because she daily
wrings mems bosoms
You seem to walk more erect than usual.
nv friend Yes, | have been Strengthened
by circumstances,
Why are poor relations like fits OF the
cont Because the oftener they con e the
longer they stay.
This is a sweeping catastrophe. as the
man said when his wife knocked him down
with a broom.
A scapegrace remarked that the pincis
pa branch of education in his school was
a willow branch
It is at the approach of dinner time that
we feel most sensibly the emptiness of
things below.