, 1876-07-16

ball over her shoulder into the ceiling and sec
ond through the floor at her feet, and faintcd
dead away. The husband sprinklcd her with
tppeas and when she came to presented her WITH
solicitude: "Psheryes, my love, psherves" !"
Thcreon she called him q bald-hcaded border
ruffan, and threw the can-opener out through
the window-pan He remarked philosophica1ly,
"Well, I'll be jammel" aud fell into sweet
sleep.
ROMANCE OF THE STAGE.
Not long ago the Shakespeare Amateur
Dramatic Association Of q northern suburban
town undertook to present "As You Like It "
to their friends and the public. The leading
the hall, was cast for Orlando, and thought
it would be big thing if he could only
secure some local Jem Mace to play
Charles the Wrestler. Accordingly, he engaged
the services of 9 retired prtze,ighter, WHO had
for some years kept saloon in the suburb, and
been his own best customer. All went well at
the rehearsals. The eyentful night came, and
SO did Charles but 1t was only too evident that
TIE Dukes pet athlete was drunk, drunk in
the querulous and aggressive stage, and pre-
After threatening several times to punch Or
lando in the snoot, and put tin ear on the
DUKE, the amateurs gave him several more
nips, and, thinking it best to have the agony
over at once rang up the 1ag: Tho agony 3 -
clinched, the latter getting off the following
speech, which however, was not In his lines:
Gully, you're meat for me;
aud in about two seconds thereafter, despite
the stage directions and good wishes OF Celia
and RosalInd, Charles had Orlando By the root
of his pantaloons and the back Of his neck and
threw him into the orchestra, reducing tho first
violin's instrument to match-wood and caving
in the bass-drum. Then with mighty war
whoop be hit the Duke where he lived and
doubled him with snap like jackknife, piled
his courtiers on top Of him, kicked q the promptcr
melancholy Jaq7tes, Adam, and all the other
characters, wallowing in their blood 1t was
very exciting episode, but somehow it marrcd
the symmetry Of the play.
= ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.
Stern P0reH-t-Try 3 Babcock e1tlngut6her.
You can reach him every time from your bed
room window and wet him through An extin-
guisher in family where there are several
daughters will pay for itself in single season
in the item OF gate-hingeesM M' alone.
Aice:-Your poem on 1.-THE Locomotive Engt
neer" is rejected, though it contains some yig-
orous lines, such US,
The fireman slams the furnace. doors,
And wipes the sweat from his honest pores
1,aegrity.-A good set Of skeleton keyes will
cost Sl2; jmmies vary in price from ST to SIS,
according to style Of 1nish. Dark-lantcrns can
best thing you can use for the face.
Jean7etEe.-Carbolic acid will remove the
frecklcs from your skin; also, the skin, Muci-
lage promotes the growth Of the hair.
Ledyitt strea--I he has not asked you to sub
scribe for the book, or if you want to insure
your life, or about your corns, you cannot legal
" kill or even assault him. liter he has made
his base propositions to you any act tending to
his suppression is justif1ablc.
ChSterfad.-You are right 4 true lady or
gentleman will never wash her or his feet in the
presence OF any but intimate friends
4 MAN WITH A GRIEVANCE
Joseph Schneider, Of No. 550}9 State street,
writes to The TRIBUNE to say that he has q
grievance In instance, he states that i short
time ago he received an invoice OF vases, glass
ware, etc, from Europe, and that when the
goods arrived here at the United States
Appraisers Office there was shortage Of
twelve pairs Of vases, 1of which some
he thinks the Appraiser ought to settle. He
also states that when he called at the office he
was told that his only recourse was to write to
the Secretary OF the Treasury.
A reporter called at the Appraisers office
ed exactl;y with the invoice, which Schneider
says he assisted in making out, and that. il any
vases are missing, Schneider must have
made q mistake In checking off his goods
when he unloaded them from the boxes
into his store. Schneider has made three
or four statements Of his ease, no two of which
agree. He virtually charges the Appraiser and
his assistants with stealing these twelve pairs
of vases, worth, at q liberal estimate, IS. The
charge Is too preposterous to receive any notice
It is not unlikely that those missing vases are
being cared for in Schncider's store.