The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-06-15
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
"A seedy occupation-The florists.
Nobody is ever SO happy or 80 ua.
happy as he imagines.
Our passions are the only orators who
ale certain to persuade us.
Many complain of their memory, but
none complain Of their judgment. -.
-" Sweden is overrun BY rats" they
say. Probably trying to regain their ma
tive gnaw way.
Philosophy triumphs easily over past
evils and evils to come, but present evils
triumph orer philosophy.
Whatever good the world may say of
us, 1t never says anything of which we
were not previously aware.
"A little Eastern boy, whose father is
slightly bald, has just discovered that his
pa has got a hole in his hair"
The New York Aquarium is fortu-
nate in being able to start off with two
choice white whales caught expressly
for it.
"A Brooklyn girl was asked by a very
thin gentleman it she didn't think she
could learn to love him. II might if YOU
was stuffed" was the laughing reply.
John Henry woke up from terrible
nightmare, last night, and remarked to
his wife that it was easier to sleep on q
spring bed than on spring chicken.
They are very strict, in Kentucky, in
enforcing the law about eoncealedweap
The Chief Of Police took up4a flower,
the other day, which he caught carrying
pistils.
Times are so dull with the New York
hotels that the clerks are on The verge of
reform, and the occasional traveller IS as
tonishcd to find himself Tor once an object
OF interest to those great men.
The Texas Legislature has enacted a
law by which it is made misdemeanor,
punishable by fine OF 500, for any person
to use protane language within hearing of
the occupants OF any private residence.
-" Harry, give me bite of your
apple" said one little fellow to another.
No, refused Harry, eating away rapid
~. "Iou wouldn't like this; it is a
cooking apple-and never give fellow
bite OF cooking apple"
"A Bad SPELL" Thomas, spell
weather." said schoolmaster to one of
his pupils. Vile a tn Jour, weather"
"We|l, Thomas, you may sit down." said
the teacher. ~ think this is the worst
spell Of weather We have had since Christ
mas"
"A boy playing about the United
States mint at San Francisco recently,
found brick of gold. worth about $4,UUO,
which had been thrown out with the
ashes aud cinders. When found it was
too hot to be held in the naked hand.
The officers of the mint made several
trui.less efforts to regain the precious
brick, but the child's mother informed
them that she had put it where it would
he safe, and that if they recovered it they
must do so through due process ef law"
The Country Gentleman advises gar
deners, after planting their beds, to stick
a small cross in each, to show that it is
planted. II they neglect to do this, how
ever, ard forget whether the beds are
planted or not, a good way to tell is to
turn stray cat into the garden. If the
beds are planted the cat will proceed to
race round and dig into them, and act as
if it had relatives in China whom it is
anxious to get at, While, if they are not,
1t will sit down calmly in the path and
seem TO be mcditating on the progress of
missionary work in Armenia. A cats in
stinct seldom dcceives it in this matter
NoraoicA Bulletin.
Verbal blunders of the Mrs. Malaprop
and Mrs. Partin gton kind lave been in
vented 0d nnuseun, but they are never SO
funny as the simplest originals. The In
diana Congressman, some years ago, who
wrote about his speech as having been
outrageously muc:lated by the press .
did better than either of the old ladies'.
There is a Western New Yorker, who al
ways speaks Of Herculanean strength, -
and stopping at the" MeIollopan HOTEL
and man in Michigan who suffers 50
from the moralogy' that he sometimes
becomes "nearly unconshewous," and a
lady in Connecticut who ordered her house
built with refrigerator in every room, -
| as she wanted it thoroughly warmed dur
| ing the winter.-N. Y. Tribune.
See, isn't this about the season of the
| year to start the original and veraciOus
item about the woman whose child fell
into the well, and while she was fishing il
| out the screams of her baby called her to
the house, where she had found it had
pulled a tub of water over on itself, which
| was writing in the agony of death, the
child was, not the tub, and then when she
ran to call her husband from the field,
met the hired man bringing in all they
find of him after short but vigorous
Gr9co-Roman wre site with reaping- ma.
chine. and then as she turned in despair
to run into the house again, stepped on
the teeth of hay rake, causing the han
ole to fly up and hit her in the back OF
the head with such violence that it broxe
a bran new comb that she gave three dol
lars for only the week befores Itappears
to as that this is about the right time
Burlington Hosok- Eye. =
I'VE found a girls pocket lying on the
sidewalk yesterday, and give aainventory
for the purpose of enabling the proprietor
to cbtain the pocket Two -whiie cotton
handkerchiefs, the hens Of which are
bigger than the balance; a candy fish, OF
many co'ors; one short slate pencil, black,
chewed at the end, too hard at the other
one slate pencil, mode color, chewed al
both ends, and very short and slabsided
one bit Of sky.blue ribbon; two bits in
currency; one garter, without buckle, very
elastic, but not long; one piece of short
black, scolloped ribbon; two short pieces
Of barber-pole andy, one of peppermint
the other lemon one pair Of small black
kid gloves; one parasol tassel; camel'a
hair brush; one love letter, very tender,
praising the recipient and running down
another girl, hence very valuable; three
hair pins; one horse-hair ring, unfinished
one perfumery bottle stopper; box Of
breath perfume; ball Of floss and q
broken crochet needle; small piece o.
raw cotton full of white powder; the left
heel OF q No. Q gaiter; one stocking with
. hole in the toe; q thimble and b nut
/ II, -sn ". &
keen, and can be obtained on application
at ihio rfi7ro -1snnkn H>snld