The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-11-16
In the Detroit Police Court.
THE RAMPARTs OF LIBERTY.

THE KAMPARTS OF LIBERTY.
"All that want is that facts be told
and sworn to-" remarked Isaac Waters as
the bell tolled him out. IL am stranger
in the middle of strangers, but suppose
Michigan law is the same as any other
kind Of law"
Just the same, except Chicago law"
replied the court: In the first place we
look for facts. Then we swear to 'em.
Then we take prisoners character ana
demeanor into consideration. If found
innocent he is sent away with new pair
of Arctic OvershOes on; if proven guilty,
we drop tear over his badness and put
him behind the iron bars"
Hand me the overshoes, for I'm as
innocent as babe" remarked Mr..
Waters.
''Softly, softly, though, stranger"
whispered his honor. "Let's have some
statements, little swearing, and decide
this case only after mature deliEeration.
The officer will now loom up before the
desk and give in his testimony"
/ 1t was bad testimony for Waters, who
got drunk on Michigan avenue, was kicked
out of saloon, and staggered down
Third street, upsetting children, abusing
pedestrians, and throwing mud at man
who had standing collar on.
Now bring out your rebutting evil
dence,' said the court, when the state
ment had been finished.
Are there no ramparts of liberty in
this Slater" asked the prisoner.
"Heaps of 'em sir. You can't turn a
corner in this town without punching q
Goddess of Liberty in the ribs with your
elbow. The American eagle learned to
scream in Detroit, and Detroit to-day yells
| loudest when the name of George Wash
ington comes in by the afternoon mail
Has liberty anything to do with your red
eyes and spreeful looks''
want a trial according to liberty!"
exclaimed Mr.. Waters.
"You have had it. You were drunk,
ugly and impudent, and fine you five
dollars'
81 call upon the Constitution of the
United States to protect mev' shouted the
prisoner.
estate rights are neck ahead!' slowly
remarked Bijah, and he fastened his
graphing irons to the mans collar and
hauled him out of the sunshine.
IN THE LONG AGO.
"Ah, we'll do remember" sighed the
Court as the next man passed out, "when
you were constable in the Third Ward,
wore velvet coat, carried a cane, and
was looked upon as q high jinx, hoop-la,
tip-top sort of man. Men respected you,
the boys feared you, and you could have
got trusted for small amount at any
grocery in town. Those days have fed.
The sparkling diamond of the past has be-
come an old joint of stove-pipe thrown
into the alley for cows to nibble at and
wonder which end the grass grows on. 1t
makes me sad to remember what you
were, and to now see what you are."
| 6" Yes, used to swell around q good
DEAL" unused the prisoner.
"And now you are on the shrink. Your
eyes look like pieces Of turnip glued to
red velvet; your hair looks like flax gone
to seed; your nose glistens like q creased
apple; you tremble all over, and no boot.
black would care to be seen in your com.
pany."
"It's purity tuft ;" sighed the man, wink.
ing at his old red boots.
Have you any ambition lefts" asked
the court.
~ guess So" was the hesitating reply
"Do you think there is any chance fol
you to climb up again -
II druther kinder walk round and take
comfort, +" replied the prisoner.
$50 we CO." said His Honor, as he
leaned hack. "When q man had as soon
be the dish cloth as the dinner plate, it is
useless to try TO wiring him out. I'll have
to send you up for the winter"
swell, it's kinder warm and nice up
there" observed the old relic. II spose
they might give us more oysters than they
do, but I'm purity well satisfied. ''-Desroi'
Free Press.