Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1876-01-28
humorous Sketches.

friend IN the country who raises garden
Sass and sich.' Schneider had az invita-
ton to visit bis friend last week, and re-
gale himself on his favorite vegetable
His friend Pfeiier being busy negotiating
with city produce dealer on his arrival.
Schneider thought he would take a stroll
In the garden, and see some of his favor
ties in their pristine beauty. We will let
him tell the rest of the story in his own
language:
We'll, walks shust lIddle While roundt
when sees some of dose dermarters, vat
vas 30 red und nice as / nefer dit see any
more, und dinks viii put mineself out
side about couple toZen, shust TO geei
me a liddle abberdite yor dinner. 30
pulls off Won ov der reddest und pest look
ing of dose dermarters and dakes pooty
good pite out oy dot, und vas chewing 1t
oud pooty quick, vhen-by shiminy IL
Gort hat peese of red hot goals in mine
mout. or vas chewing CUP dwo or dree ba'
pers of needles upd / welt so pad, al
ready, dot mine eyes vas vcal OF tears, und
mate yor an 'olt oxen bucket vot seen
hanging in der veil, as vas goomins along
'Shust den mine vrlend Pfcffer game CUP
uud ask vot mate yecl 80 pad, und if any
Of mine vanity vas dead. | dold him dot
| vas der only Won oy der vamily dot vas
pooty sick und den ask him vot kind OF
dermaters dose vas vot | hat shust been
bicking; und, mine gracious how dot
landsmau laughft und said dot dose vas
red deppers dot he vas raising for bepper
.ause. You pet my life vas mat | RAIDER
YOU seef me feefty tollars as to eat some
more ov dose bepper ssause dermarters.-
r. adams.
A STORY 10 extant that Martin Van
Buren,, who, when q candidate for Office
as he frequently was-found his wife weep
ing over bitter personal attack upon him
in one of the newspapers. Why, my DEAR
said the willy sage of kinderhook, i paid
$500 10 have that printed.
GERMANY, with population of 42,ooO,-
900, last year graduated six hundred aud
sixty physicians, rejecting one hundred
aud eighty applicants. In the same time
the United Stated, with poulation OF 4o,-
00O, 900, graduated three thOsaud physi-
clans and remorselessly turned them loose
upon the community.
4 LADY ir Connecticut not long since
visited brother who resides in distant
city, taking her little daughter with her.
Fatigued with the long ride. the child was
impatient TO retire in the early evening.
You must wait till your uncle prayes.' i
didn't knowed that uncle prayed thought
. he was Democrat y
THEY were talking OF death, recently,
when one man asked What was his last
words p He didn't say anything was
the reply. That was just like him. said
the first man, with an approving nod.
There was no gas about him. He was all
business
Al Lancaster, the other day, a meeting Of
lawyers was held to protest against :he
extensive fees charged by the county Off
GERS and now the county officials talk OF
returning the compliment by holding a
public meeting to protest against the ex-
cessiye fees charged by the Lancaster V" So
THE other day when a Detr, { grocer
.psll.d s-h-u-g-e-r,' a friend p nted ont
the word and remarked, That word isn't
spelled quite right 'Ha j see, laughed
he grocer; zone would think l had no
y lecation . And he crossed it out and
0te 'Shugor.'
A son Of Galen, who was very angry
when any joke was passed on physicians,
once defended himself from the railway by
saying:
L defy any persons whom ever attend
ed TO accuse me of ignorance or neglect
That you may do safely replied the
wag-'for you know, doctor, dead men tell
no tales =
THAT explains in Green-How 10 it,
Brown, you always have such splendid
fruit from your garden i exhibit and
carry of cups aud prices lat least my gar
dener does, for only see it in print, but /
never have such fruit 40 this on nv table
Brown-Simplest thing in the world, ole
fellow. keep gardner for my garden
you keep garden for your gardner
4 LADY in Providence visited store a
few days since TO procure some suits for
her children, and the obliging clerk showed
her certain style, saying he had few
moments before sold some similar to Mrs.
s. manning the wife Of one of Rhode
Islands most prominent mem, for her
children. The lady quietly remarked
why. / am quite well ac TAINTED with
Mrs. s., and did not know that she
had any children This vas rather a
poser on the clerk, but he sor OF the scrspe
by saying, L mean her grandchildren J.
lT was the night on which John Todd
made his great speech to the colored popu-
lation on Munjoy Hill. Captain John
Morrill, from time TO time awoke the echoes
with his cannon. a man rushed up to
him and said, For Gods sake God't fire
any more Why not 2 asked the aston
ished Jonn. There's dead person lying
in the next house, said he. Well said
John, If she is dead the noise won't hurt
her. and the country must be saved Yes
groand the man, Il know that, but she's
my mother-in-law, and I've heard that
guns will awake the dead
SAVE DAT POCKET BOOK.-A negro
planter came up TO Vicksburg, the other
day, sold his cotton, put his money in his
pocket book, and started down the river.
Leaning over :he guards as the boat, back
cd out, he fell overheard. His portemon-
Baie, which was in his side-pocket foated
vrt and rode with his hat on the surface of
the water, while the current carried the
negro away. The yawl vas lowered, assis-
,ance at one started toward the drowning
Inan, who preceived his treasure floating