The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1876-11-14
GOOD THINGS.

6I\JD IdlN0O.
Cream color is no longer fashionable,
not even in mIlk.-The Scotsman.
Outrage mills" and "slsndsr ma
chimes" can new be obtained cheap:
THE Republicans have ceased to dip
their pens IN gore; they prefer gall
1t is aaid that gas is to he the fuel of
the future. But how can gas be made
without fuel?
So many roosters have appeared with
in the past few days that Thanksgiving
poultry ought to be cheap.
WHEN Hotel guests kicked waiter
who served HIM wrong, the proprietor
said he served him right.-Boston Post.
BEFORE arithmetic was invented peo-
pie multiplied on the face of the earth,
Josh Billings.
As the cold weather approaches people
begin to economic. Almost any girl
can make one shawl do for herself and
lover.
The man whose voice was talked to its
utmost is requested to call around and
see the assessor.-Boston Advertiser.
EVEN for the amusement Of those who
are nearest and dearest to US how few OF
us are willing to reach out and rub
cats back the wrong way.-Bazar.
One of the lightning calculator has
become Methodist minister, and he Is
said 20 be an expert At figures OF speech.
Jersey City Times.
WHEN person grows up with lop
ear, it is safe to presume that his vile
continues to train the deiormed member
as it was bent at village school.
-TTtusuiLLe Herald.
WIVES of railway conductors are not
ALWAYS successful with their children:
They use the switch so often that the 10
connective gets a little tSnder.-Ne'0ark
Journal.
A Mr.. BRANDY has become Repub
lican newspaper proprietor in the inter-
lor of this state. Brandy in the interior
is always good, you know.-Commerc'at
Advertiser.
AMONG the religious notices in west
ern paper one reads: Parson Piper pipes
religious roundelaY to happy hearers at
St. Luke's on Sundays, morning and
evening. Boston Transcript.
"NoBoDY is allowed to speak ut Queen
Victories's table except in reply to her."
This enables her guests to fill up more
rapidly, and is capital arrangement for
hungry tramps st. Louis Dispatch.
A woMaNs hand How beautifully
nodded! how faultless in symmetry! how
soft and white and yielding, and OH how
much of gentle memory its pressure con-
veys. Yet we don't like it in our hair
Ne,1 York Neacs.
WE suspected for some time past that
measures would have to be taken to
check the alarniugly rapid growth Of
tue Smith family. And here, now, sure
enough, a Pennsylvania man exhibited
at the Centennial Smith roller and
crusher.' = Pittsbu1y Post.
WE are bound to respect the clearly
pronounced will of the American people,
and we cannot consider it an unmlxfd
misfortune tor the republicans that they
are temporarily compelled TO breathe the
bracing air of opposition. - Lonoon
Times.
THE war between St. Louis and Chi
cago still RACES This is the latest bomb.
she'll: A St. Louis man STOPPING IN
Chicago felt the house shake one morn.
ing, and thought there was an earth
quake. but he found it was only squad
of Chicago school girls taking their morn
ing walk.-St. Louis Globe.
IT IS when man gets beligerent
over the Bulgarian atrocities and upscts
the coffee pot on the breakfast table that
he fully appreciates those farewell words
OF Washington: Don't stand on this
side of the Atlantic and hit anybody in
Europe if you can help it."-h'dianapot's
Sentinel.
A GEORGIA colored debating society
was lately discussing: (which is the best
for the laboring man, to work for wages
or part of the crop?' An old "uncle'
spoke the sense of the meeting when he
thought 'bofe was de best, if dey could
only be brung togedder somehow
Charleston Ne,cs.
CONGRESSMAN LUTTRELL, Of Calltor-
MIA, was thus introduced to democrat C
audience in that state: "Fellow citizens
this is our congressman, Honorable y. n,
Luttrell-the orator who draws the cork
of mirth. knocks out the buug'of pathos,
and slaves in the head OF eloquonce."-
San Francisco Examiner.
THE editor of n Philadelphia paper
went to convention and lett new SILK
hat, worth seven dollars, hanging on the
rack in the cloak room, and when he
came out to go home he found 1t had
gone, and an old, greasy, ragged, sun
burned old rag OF hat, with chalk
scrawl on the brim. Please Ex."-Pttts-
burg Commercial.
Nor thousand miles from Richmond
wife Law in a dying condition. Having
brought up clever orphan girl, who
was grown, the dying woman called the
Young woman to her and said: Il will
soon leave YOU my little Children mother
less. They know you and love you. and
after l am gone want YOU and my hus-
band to marry" The young woman
bursting into tears, said; We were
Just talking about that" Ly"chbarg News
DRJ Aver presented beautiful
hail. costing 100000, to the town which
bears his name. The wood work is all
finished in cherry pectoral, and has a
light and Avery appearsnce.-Phttadst
mia Bulletin. Any pillars or pill
asters about the hall?- Norristorcn
Herald. No, YOU pestIe-ent fellow. But
there Is a little mortar; and as for the
floor, they are inclined to drug-lt DR.;
Ayers own preference for the front OF
tho NOV. IF a