Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-08-16
"A Little Fun Now and Then.


for plated ware, thieves are above ia
king it.
"Wcll, Pat, Jim didn't quite Kill
you with the brickbat. did he p "No,
but wish he had.' "Why so p $50
that ] could have seen him hanged,
the villain"
A Philadelphia fashion writer has
the audacity to print apropos of low
corsages, that mot one woman in n
hundred has neck and shoulders
worth showing"
Colorado produces $4,000 i'm silver,
$4,000 in gold, and $1,000 in other
metals every twenty-fOur hours, or
~, 100000 yearly.
Farmers in SonOma valley, CAL,
are apparently succeeding in the eX-
pertinent of raising almonds. One
man has $500 trees, now three years
old, and they have blossomed this
| season.
An impecunious individual was
heard to mutter, as he finished read
ing railroad hand-bill headed
Through without change" ''That's
the road shall take; no fault to find
with them terms
A German lately married, says: ed
vas youst so easy as neetle Good
walk out init camel's eye as to get
der behint wort nit a voomans.'
Some mean fellow, after saying
there is one physician to every eight
hundred inhabitants, adds that they
begin this way, but after while
there's not so many inhabitants.
81 shall follow her soon," said n sad
eyed man at the grave of his wife.
Within month he was following an
other woman.
"Madam," said gentleman to his
wife, "let me tell you facts are stub
born things" "What a fact You must
be-" quoth she.
The Oswego Pdllddium mentions
James G. Clark and wife who "were
born. died and were buried on the
same day" Jimmy and his wife must
have been awfnlly young.-N. !.
Graphic.
Men, says Adam Smith, are natur-
ally unsentimental. A man will scoop
the bottom out of an egg without
thinking that the mother of that egg
is, perhaps, hundred miles away in
the rain.
An Irish peasant, being asked why
he permitted his pig to take up his
quarters with the family, replied -
why not? Doesn't the place afford
livery convenience that pig can re-
quire ?"
An enterprising but utignorant South
American has sent to an Albany loco
motive shop for loo ''cow- w-catchers. +.
He expects to use them in taking
wild cattle OH the plains OF Paraguay,
in place of the lasso.
marie what's that strange noise at
the front gate 2" "Cats. SIR" "Cats
Well, when l was young eats didn't
wear stove-pipe hats and smoke ci-
gars." ''Times are changed, sir
Chicago Journal.
A Kentucky schoolmaster whose |
wife was one of his pupils had occa-
sion to punish her one day. The !
next day the schoolhouse door bore |
one week; schoolmaster is ILL.,
'Gen'l'men," exclaimed an old Con-
nccticnt salt, rs he grasped the |
brawny arm of Yale CollegA oars
man and called the companl Datten-
ton to its muscular deV bpment, |
"genl'men, thar's intellecI for ye."
A Norwich man calls himself on !
his card Temperance boot maker" |
The need of temperance boots is ap-
parent. for though they are not gener-
ally drunk. it is notorious fact that
they're often very tight
Cape May girls, who are so partic-
ular as to refuse to let a gentleman
examine ring, unless removed from
the finger, will afterwards run down
the beach in swimming duds, and
kick sand in IA fellows eyes with their
baretOes.
John Henry reading to his wife
from newspaper: "'There is not
single woman in the House of Cor
rectiOn. There, you see. don't you.
what dreadful creatures wives are
Every woman in that Jail is married.
"Itis curious, said she, "but don't you
think, John, dear, that somcof them
go there for relief"
A Kansas City German got angry
with banker of that place for de-
manding a heavy discount, and when
the banker asserted it was '.business,"
replied: "Pisiness, pisiness? You
sit in here all day and rob man
barefaced before his back, and calls
dat pisiness.'
The first Lord of the Admiralty on
his first voyage down the Thames, in
rather a lcaky vessel. observed the
men working the .pumps. '.Dear
me J" he said, II did not know YOU
had a well on board, Captain. but |
am really very glad. as do detest
river water"
The revival movement has extend
ed even to the pigs in Missouri. A
Plattsburg porker became so Impress
ed the other day with the eloquence
of Methodist parson that he climb
ed up into the pulpit and took up
position behind him.
This Turkish war is terrible. All
through the dog-days we have got to
wrestle daily with such alphabetical
monstrosities as Bosnia, Bulgaria,
Zach, Montenegrin, Herzegovina, Ur-
kul, Bariani, Supovatz, Alexintaz,
Viskolitch, Nitsiki, Tchernayetr and |
Ylobuk korgenitch.
A thirsty topper in a bar room flung |
down his sixpence and then filled his |
glass to the brim with whisky. Hold
exclaimed the bartender in apparent |
astonishment, ''there is chrome goes
with that drink !" and tearing of a
portion of the end of cigar box. he
politely handed il across the counter.