Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-06-23
II II mo r.

living on Henry street called at a Wood
ward avenue grocery and asked for prunes.
Some prunes were exhibited, and she in
quired:
do you warrant them?"
eve do" was the reply.
Perfectly fresh, are they?"
'sIndeed they are.''
ssNo worms in them?"
s'Not worm.''
ssFull weight, are they?"
''Full weight, ma'am."
ssSweet, are they?"
81 warrant them SWEET
mo pits in them?"
'sNot pit, madam
s'And prize package with every
pound?" she asked after pause.
eyes, madam"
i'And chrome, too?" she hesitatingiy
inquired.
eyes, and a chrome, too.''
She nibbled at prune, knit her brows,
and finally asked:
Don't you give a cash premium with
every pound you sell ?''
sWe do, madam You pay ten cents
for pound of prunes, and get chrome,
a prize package, and cash premium of
fifty cents. Shall I do you up pound?"
"Well, it seems as if you wanted to be
fair with your customers" she slowly re-
piled; shut [ guess [ won't take any.
Seems to me ten cents per pound is rather
too much for .prunes these times, when
butter is down and calico is down, and
shoes are awful cheap. Free Press.
"Ain't forty dollars rather high for lodg-
ing and breakfast ?'' was what a depart
ing stranger by the Kingsbury stage in
quired of the clerk at one of our leading
hotels, on being told that was the amount
of his bill. Yes, it is little high; but
we might as well have it as the stage rob-
bers, )" was the placid answer of the clerk
as he receipted the bill.-San antonio
Herald.
When in Aberdeen, DR.. johnson dined
with clergyman, the soup being 'shotch-
potch." The lady of the house, after hay
ing served him once, asked if hi. would
take some more. The gruff and stern
moralist and outspoken social bear replied:
cit is dish fit for hogs, madam" "Take
little more, then,' was the immediate
and appropriate reply.
An old newspaper gives the following as
a scrap Of history: I'm the year 1884 the
Legislature Of Pennsylvania, to abolish
practice then prevailing, passed. the fol-
lowing resolution: Resolved, That here
after no member shall come into the
chamber barefooted, nor eat his bread and
cheese ON the steps of the capitol"
Smith and Brown, running opposite
ways around corner, struck each other.
"Oh, dear! how you made my head ring ~
said Smith. "That's a sign it's hollow"
said Brown. "But didn't yours ring p
mo" "That's sign it's cracked, re-
piled his friend.
The whirligig of fashion may bring round
the most sudden and dazzling changes, and
the duties of the toilet may multiply like
leaves III Valambrosa, but there is nothing
that will make a woman stand before her
looking glass so long as sunburnt nose.
At collection made at charity fair,
lady offered the plate to a rich man well
known for his stinginess.
II have nothing" was the curt reply.
"Then take something, sir" said the la
dy, ''you know am begging for the poor"
Il wish I might die," sighed middle
aged maiden, as she hung like a limp boil
ster out of the third story front window
OIL Sunday afternoon and espied man
whom she had once coquettishly rejected
placidly propelling an $1s baby cart.
Madame said a trance medium,
'syour husbands spirit wishes to commu-
nicate with you.' ''No MATTER" said the
widow, ''if he's got no more spirit in the
other world than he had in this, it's not
worth bothering about.''
SIT is strange" muttered young man,
as he staggered home from a supper party,
chow evil communications corrupt good
manners. Ihave been surrounded by tum-
blers all the evening, and now lam tum-
bier myself"
A New York paper describing boat
race, .alludes to 'sthe flashing of ten thou
sand eyes and the plaudits Of twice as
many fair hands" What lot of one
eyed women there must have been at that
race?
eJohn," said fond little wife, enthu-
siastically, pointing out to her husband
little shop in fashionable street, ''when
YOU die I'm going to take the life insurance
money and buy that little place and set up
as a milliner."
According to the judgment of New
Milford man, who had seven men to assist
: him to his feet, ''the hind end of mule is
much more premature than the front
end''
The Cleveland "Plaindealer's' economi-
cal editor refuses to go to the musical part
ct the Centennial, because he has a-Tlom-
as concert in his backyard every night.
ssYou don't buy bouquets Of me as you
used to-" said Madison florist to sad
eyed man the other day. ''No,'' was the
pathetic reply. 'I'm married now"
Schools to teach girls plain needle work
are proposed in New York. It is needless
to say that the success of such schools will
prove only sew-sew.
A Baltimore correspondent writes A
merchant who does not advertise can no
more succeed than young lady who does
not wear hustle.
Saws a country editor: ''Who drinks all
the whiskey made in the United States is
what staggers u.s." It is enough to stag
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