Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1876-09-01

WHAT THE WITS OF PARIS FIND TO SAY IN THE
PAPERS.
Jones is exquisitely stupid and good
hearted. lie was incoming about the boule-
ward the other evening, when suddenly he
stumbles against blind beggar. The beg
gar bowl OF pennies is upset. Cries OF
despair; lamentations; imprecations.
Moved at the sight Of the mendicant dis
tres. Jones draws a match from his pocket
and stopping down to where the blind man
was on all-fOurs groping in the gutter for
his money, says kindly - There, my good
fellow, III light you"
The Paris Erenemellt tells this story as
typical of the French character in politics.
y meets L on the Boulevard and SAYS to
him
" Ny dear fellow, I've picked up prize ~
W hat Is ?''
saw"
" What do you want of it?'
Nothing atall."
" Then why did you buy It?
" Because IT'S against the law -
Near the Bridge of the Holy Fathers on
the Seine a corpse was found in the water
and brought on shore Ii was in dread
iul state Of decomposition. \ lady and
gentleman passing turned aside to look at
1t, aud the lady recoiled in horror:
" Oh. how frightful What can have
made the poor man Kill himself?"
" Doubtless distress and misery" replied
the husband
" All most likely !" responded the wife
very SIMPLY. " lie certainly does NOT look
f-el off,
a medical student rents room from a
lodging house keeper, who makes it q spe-
cial condition in the lease that no skeletons,
skulls, bones or anatomical preparations
whatever shall be brought into the house.
Some time afterwards the student meets
hIm and says " Will you Just step over TO
the house? | have something 70 show you. -
The landlord. thinking that perhaps some
repairs or alterations were needed, follows
hun without suspicion. The tenant draws
a curtain.
w hat 4 complete skeleton ," cries
the landlord, whose hair stands on end.
Yes; It Is well put together, is it not
| did II all myself. 1t i a she-skeleton." "
Nretched man You remember the
terms OF your Lease
" Perfectly don't be afraid-I brought
her here alive"
4 kind uncle having heard that his young
dog OF a nephew has again taken to play
and les: considerable sum, resolves TO re-
claim him.
" Gaming, he says, is the most fright
iuI OF vices Tho gambler Is no longer his
own"
The nephew does not appear moved. The
uncle passes his hand across his forehead as
If 10 drive away horrible recollection,
then says
- Come. let me make confession to you :.
| myself once played. Do not gloat over
me, only played once-at ecarte-and
tin voice broken WIKI sobs) | gained
81 33l"
" Nell2' says the nephew, sufficiently
astonished.
" " ell. in NY calmer moments. when the
excitement Of the gaming table had pssse
away, when | reflected that though | had
gained 81 33l might perhaps have lost it.
ah the terrible night that | passed. That
has been lesson to me. | have never
touched card SINCE
4 hussar Is sitting on tho summit of hill
overlooking a garrison town. His horse is
plcketed near by he Is smoking leisurely,
and. from time TO time. glancing from the
esplanade 10 a big Ofhcial envelope he has
IN his hand 4 comrade passes and says:
" What are you doing there ?''
" | am bearing he Kings pardon for our
friend FIchmann, who Is 10 be shot this
morning.
3" Well, then, hurry along with it.
" Not much. SEE, there is hardly & soul
d n o 1.FluuaHa arN firm TIafnOn
has not yet been formed. You surely vOu Id
not have me rob my appearance OF all dram
attic effect l'
Eiwart. the actor. has been committing
some more OF his characteristic blunders.
At the dramatic dinner at Dijon, in the
very heart of wine-producing Burgundy
lie cried aloud
" Garcon, some claret -
The order was received by the company
with applause. Then seeing beyy of
ladies in the gallery admiring the banquet,
he seized a dish Of oysters, placed his card
in the middle of It and gave 1t TO waiter,
with the order
" Ask those ladies if may have the hon
or Of taking an oyster with them"
Finally. when the Project rose to go and
explained that his duties prevented him
IRON remaining any longer, was II not NJ
Ewart who cried
"Hurrah for the Project. now tina: he is
going
On the Boulevard" What ais you there,
poor Ralph? You seem overpOwered by
sorrow." Alas my friend, 1 have been
deceived by nv sweethearts-bY ell three Of
them at once ~
Jones is not brave. and is capable of en-
during any humIlIatIons before defending
himself His valet, who knows him well
and loves him well, was yesterday inspect
ing Jones's wardrobe. lie found a pair Of
panialoons damaged as to the seat by char
acteristic tears ALAS :" said the excel
lent servant, with sigh. how can my
master 50 forget himself as 10 enter into ar
gument with people with hob-nailed shoes.