The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1876-07-30
TIE MOON AND THE REPUBLICAN
PaRTY.

| optlmist Of particularly cheerful views until q
trIning circumstance throw over his life the
shadow OF gloomy apprehension.
Returning home from his club ono midnight,
with a belly full Of good wine and soul over
flowing with trust In the provdentlal adjust
ment Of everything In nature to the best inter
ests OF mankind, MIR. Featherhead happened 20
glance up at the moon. 1t was full and splendid,
shining in the heavens directly above him. lie
stopped on the sidewalk and contemplated the
luminary with satisfaction, indeed, almost with
asense Of personal ownership.
Now, that's fine noon" Mr.. Featherhead
remarked to himself "a very fine moon, In eed.
1t must be large body. l wonder what holds
itup7"
Mr.. Featherhead thought hard, still gazing up
ward 81 tnever occurred to mo before" he con-
tinued, but what does hold that large ard
probably very heavy moon up In the sky2 Sup.
pose 1t should tumblel"
He stood q moment shuddering, startled by
the thought.
"Suppose IL should tumble when directly over
head. Suppose II should tumble on mei'
From that night forward Mr.. Featherhead was
an altered man. The midnight dread grew
upon him. He went about moodily, with one
eve cooked up at the zenith He was ever on
the watch, as II to be ready to dodge in case tho
moon should tumble. He could not look upon
that unobtrusve satellite, nor evoo upon an
Illuminated clock dial, or a Dutch cheese, with
out experiencing a sudden goneness In the pit
OF his stomach. From considering the fall Of
the moon "a a remote possibility, he came to
believe II an imminent catastrophe.
Being much exercised in mind. MIR. Solomon
Featherhead at last concluded to consult pro-
lessor of astronomy, as an expert In all matters
Harfui mi Inn 10 Tha rad
him that the moon could not tumble; that it's
origin and course and destiny we're well deter
mined by oosmlc principles; that the delicate
adjustment OF the centrifugal force to the
earth's attraction bound the moon to its place
In the system, as with chains stronger than
steel. calm yourself my dear sir" said the
professor In conclusion, with my assurance
that what you dread Is lmpossble;' and he gave
him some elementary treatises on astronomy to
read, hoping that they would aid In subduing
| the lunamania.
Mr.. Featherhead applied himself to the study
Of astronomy for about three months, and at
the end Of that time was more fixed than ever
In his belief that the moon was about to pre-
cipitate Itself upon the earth, to the great dam
axe Of property and life upon the latter body.
His increased acquaintance with physical laws
| only confirmed him Ia this opinion.
~ 10 tut tcutiiprbti iOico, uc WOuiu argue
! TO his friends, THAT pulls the moon toward us
in other words, 1t is the attraction of Rravita-
ton. Now this tendency has hitherto been
counterbalanced by the centrifugal force, which,
| left to itself, would cause the moon to 1y OF at
tangent from Its orbit into space. The two
forces have TO exactly balance each other, or the
moon would either go ZIP or come down. Dye
seer Now what sustains the centrifugal ten.
denoy2 The moons velocity az II revolves round
the earth hut travelling through ether, there Is
certain amount OF friction, and this friction has
for ages been slowly but surely diminishing the
moons velocity and consequently weakening
the centrifugal force which sustains 1t on high
when the moon has slowed up so that the
earth's attraction isn't balanced, down che
comes. aud there's one chance out Of two Of her
tumbling on this side OF the planet. tell you
gentlemen, the moon will tumble. It's got IL
tumple. The nggers show It,"
To all OF which Mr.. Featherhead's friends had
no answer to make. They could deprecate the
disaster. but they could not deny that 1t wa,
| intending, with all of.Mr. Featherhead's physi
cal formula and oentrifugals and centripetal.
and combined science and logic asserting tn al
It was.
when asked how soon the catastrophe woulC
probably occur, Mr.. Featherhead would reply
81 haven't quite worked the nGgers down TO tn,
date vet Probably next year or year after. Blu
| It's got to tumblel"
His earnest assertions and apparently logca
demonstrations were not without their efec
upon the minds Of his friends, and so he cam,
to be the nigh priest Of little circle Of moon
tunlblers, who watc he'd the satellite every nigh
with apprehension ana trembled constantly 10
their lives. "Of what use To buy or build 2
they would ask. "Of what use are prosrcs
and civilization? OF what await are republican
Institutions when the moon may tumble an
night and crush us all p
Finally an astute and crafty politician, VIII
had heard 81 Mr.. Featherhead and hls disciples
bethought himself 20 turn their foible TO prac
tical advantage ~ appreciate your fears" h
said TO Mr. Festherhead. "rhe moon Is yer
liable TO fall. For ten years we have been ll,iu.
IN perpetual danger. l shudder whenever
look up ant behold that immense, terrific orr
large enough to bury the entire United State
and territories twenty-one hundred and sixt
miles deep with volcanic and unprod uc
tive soi, and think OF the misguide,
citizens who wish to sever the one slender cor,
that holds 1t aoft, to bring down upon US, gu
country, and our free Institutions, an annihl
/ lating avalanche"
Z" IL there's there, then, any way OF holdn
II up 7" said Mr.. Featherhead, eagerly.
There is one way" said the artful politician
In AN impressive manner. For ten year,
band ot far-seeing patriots, actuated By TIL
same fear which your sagacity has led you 4
entertain, have labored for tue end YOU so fer
veuuy desire. Mr.. Featherhead, sir, 1t Ia Ia
mission Of the Republican party 10 keep tina
moon from tunhlingW
But how can"
"sir. when you ask me how, you trench upol
grave secrets II party policy which | am not a
liberty TO diyui.e. You must look at results
Results, sir, in a bro a and conn rohensiye WAY
Since the Republican party came into power ba
that moon ever tumbledi Has IL given % singl
indication u insecurity in ITS position In III
SKY? Has not the Republican party fulfilled 1t
duty IN regard to the moon7 Answer m that (!
But" suggested Mr.. Feaiherhead, 9TH
moon didn't tumble when the Democrat
party WIS In power. II the Republican part
hold, It up, how was It held before the Rcpubli
can party came into exstouceW
"Your question Is not logical" said the DOll