Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-04-28
MARK TWAIN'S DUEL.
His Wonderful Escape.

The only merit l claim for the fol-
lowing narrative is, that it is true
story. 1t has moral on the end of
it, but l claim nothing on that, as it
is merely thrown in to carry favor
with the religious element.
After had reported a couple of
years on the Virginia City New
Daily Enterprise they promoted me
to be Editor-in-Chief; and I lasted
just week by the watch. But I
made an uncommonly live newspaper
while did last, and when I retired 1
had duel on my hands and three
horsewhippings promised me.
The latter l made no attempt to
collect; however, this story concerns
only the former. 1t was the old
"fush times" of the silver excitement
when the population was wonderful
ly wild aud mixed; everybody went
armed to the teeth, and all Sights
and insults had to be atoned for with
the best article of blood your system
could furnish. In the course Of my
editing I made trouble with a MI.
Lord, the editor of a rival paper.
He flew up about some little trifle or
other that / said about him-I do
not remember now what 1t was. l
suppose I called him a thief, or a
body-snatcher, OF an idiot, or some
thing like that; was obliged to make
the paper readable, and I couldn't
fail in my duty to a whole communi-
ty of subscribers merely to save the
exaggerated sensitiveness of an indi-
vidual. Mr.. Lord was offended, and
replied vigorously in his paper
Vigorously means great deal when
it refers to a personal editorial III a
frontier newspaper. Dueling was
all the fashion among the upper
classes in that country, and very few
gentlemen would throw away the op-
portunity of fighting one. To kill
one man in duel caused a man to
be even more looked up to than to
kill two men in the ordinary way.
Well, out there if you abuse a man,
and that man did not like it, you had
to call him out and kill him, other.
wise you would be disgraced. So l
challenged Mr.. Lord, and l did hope
he would not accept; but l knew
perfectly we'll that he did not want
to fight, and l challenged him in the
most violent and implacablc manner.
And then l sat down and snuffed till
the answer came. All the boys
the editors-were IN the Office help
ing me in the dismal business, and
telling about dgels and discussing
the code with 4 lot of aged ruffans,
who had experience in such matters,
and altogether there was a loving
interest taken in the matter that made
me unspeakably uncomfortable. The
answer came-Mr. Lord declined.
Our boys were furious, and so was
l on the surface.
I sent him another challenge, and
another, and the more he did not
want to fight the more bloodthirsty
became. He appeared to be waking
up. 1t was becoming apparent that
he was going to fight me after all.
l ought to have known how it would
be,-hc was a man who could never
be depended upon. Our boys were
jubilant. I was not, though / tried
hard to be.
1t was now time to get out and
practice. 1t was the custom there to
fight duels with navy six-shooters at
fifteen paces-load and empty till
the game for the funeral was secure.
We went to a ravine just out of
town and borrowed barn door for
target-borrowed it from 4 gentle
man who was abscnt-and we stood
his barn door up, and stood rail on
the end against the middle of it, to
represent Lord, and put a squash on
top of the rail to represent the head.
He was q very tall, lean creature, the
poorest sort of material for duel;
nothing but line shot could fetch
him, and even then he might split
your bullet. Exaggeration aside, the
rail was, of course, little too thin
to represent him accurately, but the
squash was all right. If there was
any intellectual difference between
the squash and his head it was in IA
for of the squash. ...
Well, l practiced and practiced at
the barn door and could not hit it;
| practiced at the rail and could not
hit that; and l tried for the squash,
and could not hit that. I would have
been entirely disheartened but that
occasionally I crippled one of the
boys, and that gave me hope.
At last we began to hear pistol
shots near by in the next rcvine.
We knew what that meant! The
other party was Out practicing too.
Then l was in the last degree dis
tressed, for of course they would hear
our shots and then send over the
ridge, and the spies would find my
barn door without wound or mark,
and that would simply be an end to
me; for of conrse the other man
would Immediately become as blood
thirsy as l was.
just at that moment little bird
no larger than a sparrow flew by and
lit on bush about 80 PAGES away,
and my little second, Steve Gills,
who was a dead sh6SNwith pistol
much better than I was-snatched
out his revolver and shot the birds
head off! We all ran to pick up the
game, and sure enough just at this
moment, some of the other duelists
came rcconnoitering over the little
ridge. They ran to our group to see
what the matter was, and when they
saw the bird, Lords second said:
''That was splendid shot. How
far off was it?"
Steve said with some indifference:
"Oh, no great distance. About 80
paces."
Thirty PAGES! Heavens alive!
Who did it?"
"My man-Twain."
"The mischief he did! Can he do
it often?"
DWELL, yes. He can do it about
four times out of FIVE"
1 knew the little rascal was lying,
but l never said anything. never