The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-03-10


ters the house from behind, telling the
fremen throughout the city that they
are wanted, and where. His name is
Electricity, and his honEe is called q
fire-alarm telegraph-box. So you will
see that am writing something more
real than a fairy-story, although the
facts have TO relate are abouta kind Of
giants and dwarfs.-[ VIM. II. Rideing,
st. Nicholas for March.
s-
When are eyes not eyes2 When the
wind makes them water.
Tie higher classes "lore" classes.
The lower classes-the hire" classes.
"NaturaI humbugs"-bees Artificial
humbugs girls. a big bug"-ths cock
roach.
An English revivalist slid down the
banisterS Of his pulpit in order to show
how people went on back sliding.
It ia the wife who has the making Of
a mans home, says an exchange. Trne,
and now and then she make es his wig
warm too.
"What is the interior Of Africa prin.
cipally used for?" asked teacher Of q
pupil. "For pnrpo,es Of exploration"
was the reply.
Some one wants to know what kind Of
observations are made with railroad
"lele,cope-2" Rather striking ones, we
should say.--[New York Commercial
Advertiser.
1t IL said that when a clergyman in
Western Massachusetts, recently inquir-
ed Of a certain lady If che was ready to
give mp worldly pleasures, she answered
by asking him If he WITS ready 20 give
up chewing tobacco in the presence Of
ladies
At the marriage Of an Alabama Wild
over one Of the servants was asked II
his master would take bridal tour.
Dunno, sab; when old missns'a alive be
took paddle to her; dunno ifhe take
bride to de new one or not"
The Elmira Advertiser SAYS doctor
in that place removed tape worm
"from a lad that was ninety six feet long
and had over n eleven hundred joints"
Well, a bov ns long AZ that onght 10 have
eleven hundred joints.-[Utica Herald.
A doctor was discovered holding
young lady in his lap the other evening,
but he stated that he was examining her
for an affection Of the heart, and che re-
marked that there was nothing wrong
in laying her head on her piller.-
Norwich Bulletin.
A great many foreign counts have Yis-
tied Chicago, and the Chicago Journal
has met them, and its opinion is given
in two lines and a half viz: "Many
man who would fail ~ y car conductor
could take hold and make a 6rst.class
foreign count"
A chap on his way to Washington 70
get patent for scandalometcr incau-
tiously took his machine over 90 Brook
lyn, and now he Is looking for The pieces
He SAYS it wasn't calculated 10 register
beyond the Ten Commandments.-[N New
York Commercial Advertiser.
The average Milwaukee reporter has-
ing found the skull Of an Aztec with
glass eye. now finds in Lake Michigan
sea serpent with fins striped like the
American flag Two drinks more would
have put spectacles on that skull and
made the reporter see stars ~ well as
York Herald.
He entered car door. When the
brakeman came inside and took a key
out Of his pocket, unlocked the stove,
put in some wood, aud locked the door
again. he ssked him what he locked the
stove door for The brakeman shut his
left eye, and said he locked the door so
the FIRE couldn't 40 out.
An enterprisinE Chiuaman Of Gold
Hill, Nevada. recently mounted the fol-
lowing sign, handsomely painted, on his
newly established wash house: "Ah
Charlie; washing done dam cheap"
Virtnous public opinion soon obliged
him to take down the sign and put mp
one with less scripture in it-[ Detroit
Free Presa.
Francis !. being desirous TO raisa one
Of the most learned men Of the time 10
the highest dignities Of the church,
asked him if he was Of noble descent.
"Your Majesty" answered the abbott
there were three brothers In Noahs
ark, but cannot tell positively from
which Of them am descended lie
obtained the post.
A Benton county man hid 5000 in the
spare room stove. The next day his
wife's mother came down during bis alb
acence for a three weeks' visit, and that
spare room was warmed mp for the first
time in three hundred years. And they
say you can pick mp shreds Of that mans
hair and clothes where he clubbed him-
self around the country when he heard
OF it. anywhere within ten miles Of the
house. Burlington Hawkeys.
A Young minister, somewhat distin-
guished for selfeoneeit. having failed
before crowded audienCe,
was thus addressed by an aged brother
II you had gone into that pulpit, feel
ing as you now do on coming out Of that
pulpit, you would have fslt on coming
out Of that pulpit a. you did when you
went up into that pulpit.