davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02
A Strange Wedding Fee.

a clergyman who was formerly located
IN this city, but is now in New York
married little over a year ago a coupl,
VINO at once started for Europe and have
recently returned. The bridegroom wa.
gentleman of wealth, and before he nro
scnted himself before the bridal oltar i,
placed $lOO greenback in his vest pocket
to give the minister for the marriage fee
and did pay it to him, as he supposcd.
While crossing the ocean he discovered
greatly to his astonishment, the bill in the
pocket where he placed it, and could ac.
count Tor It's presence there only ON the
theory that he must have had another hill
OF different denomination which he had
donated to the clergyman by mistake. On
getting back to this country he determined
to solve the mystery, and waited upon the
reverend gentleman, who did not recognize
him, and inquired if on certain date he
dld not marry certain couple. The.cler.
gyman remembered the occasion perfectIv.
. know am about to ask an impertinent
question" said the visitor, "but | sbouId
like to be informed what fee you received
for performing the ceremony p
The clergyman was not prepared to make
any disclosure, naturally being astonished
that his interviewer should PROFOUND such
question, but upon an explanation being
made that the gentleman himself, whom
he then recognized, was the one he had
married, he said that he would, of course,
crafty him, since he was so anxious to
know. received" he went on to say,
very small quantity of fine-cut chewing
tobacco, folded in very small piece of
paper" That was enough; the only thing
to be done was to apologize, laugh |
heartily, shake hands, and mako the 800 |
deposit good, d,-lIarG9na C6uraat
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02
mise eIIuH 2 OuS.
JOhr Johnson and ]. ].

If you ever hear person parading his
great poverty before the world you may be
sure there Is some motive for it; therefore.
when tell you that the god of fortune
slipped me by with only the gift of good
looks and the name of John johnson you
may know that have motive for it. But
1t Is no mercenary-o to explain nv
presence, one chilly October morning. in a
frst-class hotel in Philadelphia, and also to
account for the readiness with which I
entered into little speculation that fell in
my way. was seeking-perhaps should
say position, but as my store of tho root
OF all evil was only large enough to pay my
keep for week, will use the undigni-
he'd name work, said work embracing. in
my particular case, very long range, from
eoal-heaver or wood-sawyer to-well,
President, If that can be called work.
stepped up to the desk to register nv
name, but as Il put the pen to the paper
my own eognomen, John johnson, stared
me IN the face; in my own beautiful
ehirography, too-at least closely resem.
bling it. | looked again and again, in
doubt as to the expediency of having nv
name down in that book more than once.
spoke to the clerk, young, thin-haried
fellow, who had narrow strip of bare
scalp extending from his forehead to the
nape of his neck.
" Have / been here before?' | asked.
Third year in the .house-cannot say ~
was the reply.
No, no! this morning, mean. Have
put my name on this book this morn
ing?'
T" No sir. Been watching you ever since
you came in,r was the aattering reply.
That gentleman by the window was the
last"
glanced toward the person indicated,
and saw very prepossessing gentleman, of
about my own age. | passed over to where
he stood.
" Excuse me, sir; is your name John
Johnson?'
Yes, sir" he replied.
"That explains it," I said. Ny name
Is the same, and seeing yours on the
register, in writing similar to my own, was
puzzled.n
aQuite singular said he, going back to
the desk with me.
! signed my name, and casual OBJ
server would have pronounced the two
written By the same hand,
They are strangely alike" said my !
namesake, whom / shall desinate J. J. |
VIII you give me few moments conysr-
sationY
assented, and J. J. led the way to the
window, which, at that moment, was the
most retired spot IN the room.
.'Please take a seat, Mr.. Johnson . said
he, at the same time offering me cigar,
which | did not refuse. Now, If you will,
answer me few questions"
Anything reasonable" ] answered.
You shall be the judge said J. j.
First, are you married7"
Far from IT, sir.p
Are you in lovey'
Not even with myself"
Good. Are you engaged in any particu-
lar business requiring your attention for a
few slaysg''
The very disagrceable business of seek
ing emf loyinent, answered -
That is good, too. / will give you
something to do, which viii pay you better
than anything else you ever tried
. You are just the person have been
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

IHE CHAMPION SHowMAN.-P. r. Barnum
Is periectlng arrangements for centennial
show, which is to eclipse all his former
efforts. The number Of his male employees
VIII reach HOO, while he will have 500
horses and ponies. One hundred and
twenty railroad cars will be required to
transport the show. He proposes to visit
all the prominent cities and towns in the
United States.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

James Gorden Bennett, proprietor of the
Ne" NJ York HefaH and Escniag and ,Siosdqy
Iel'yr@0', is trying to introduce "Polo !"
"Shinny" on horsc-back) in New York.
and is about importing Canadian ponies for
use IN the game. 1t is an exciting, rather
dangerous play, and will on that last ac-
count have favor. In base ball at the most
you can only break your leg whilst in Polo.
you can break you neck, which makes it
vastly the better game.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

The bill for the worsted that a Fourth
street woman used in working dog on her
husbands slippers, was brought in to him
yesterday, and he remarked to her that he
WASH going to pay any dollar and half
Tor any such fixing" "But you said YOU
wanted a dog on thom," responded his
wife. So did, madam, so | did. But
you might have made a darned sight
smaller dog. Times.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

a CHIME FOR THE CENTENN1AL.-Henrv
McShane & Co., of Baltimore, are castinc =
chime OF twelve bells for the Centennial OK.
position, to be hung in a tower on the
groundsat Philadelphia. Itishoped osecure
what Is Known as a maiden" or faultless
chlme IN tone, which is considered a most
difficult performance. The bells will be
taught to ring the national air of all coun-
tries.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

An unwilling juryman recently excused
nimseIt from serving by a letter, of which
the following is literal copy: "Sir-As l
am Fauriner and my lengwich Danich 7
am not ettei compitint of the Englich lenc
wlch to be jewry man and my contious
du not allow me to geive my openian on
wat do not enderstan. An answer vel
oblght."
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02
THE OLD STORY.


II was the old. old story
l told TO ROsalie!
II was the sweet old answer
She whispered back to me:
And then the old, old picture,
You might have seen, 1 wis
Her tremor, bushes, smiles and tears
Her yielding to my kiss.
1t was the old, old story
The bridal and the flowers;
And now the sweet old sequel
Long years of happy hours.
And Yet, and yet. often think,
Despite what others say,
] am bHJdr the happiest man
That has seen his wedding-day.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

"Who's Herbert Spencer, Pop?" asked
an inquiriRg Brooklyn boy of his father the
osher morning He's famous English
philosopher, my son." "And what phil
osopher?" continued the lad, with the busi-
ness air of person who could keep right
on asking questions until doomsday. "a
philosopher n returned the father, gravely,
els man who never marries. ."-Breaklya,
Arqns.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

$50 you wouldn't take me to be twenty?"
said a rich heiress to an Irish gentleman.
while dancing the polka. "What would
you take me for, then p "For better or
worse" replied the son of the Emerald
Isle
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

"Sir, you are a political thing IA per-
ambulating monument of fmeanness-a bank
rupt in everything but cheekr' "Boss, 1
don't understand German, but I'll drink
with you" The difficulty was settled on
that basis
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

A youngster, while warming his hands
over the kitchen fire, was demonstrated with
by his father, who said: $50 way from the
stove, the weather is not cold" The little
fellow, looking up demurely at his stern
parent replied: Il amt heatin' the
weather, I am warming my hands,"
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

P. T. Barnum has resolved to be travel
ling Snowman no longer, but when it was
announced that New Haven had two,
legged horse, his wife had to hide his hat.
-DanJnrn Nears.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

An irrorerent scribbler says; "Washing.
ton was once asked to dine with Judge
Jones. The chair in which he would have
sat if he had accepted this invitation will
be exhibited at the centennial
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

A New Hampshire man sends fourteen
OF his children to one school, and when
they combine against the teacher he knows
he can safely bet ON the result.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

A Memphis prisoner, who hated to see
two lawyers disgrace the courtroom by
fighting, walked out, and was unfortunate
enough toget lost, lie has not been heard
of since.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

The most glowing passages in a minister's
sermon will attract scarcely half the atten.
ton that centres on the man who blows
his nose in church.-Fhlton Times.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

Not bad. The New Haven Journal sue.
gests that the Centennial Coffee Pot viii
probably be exhibited on the grounds
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

Miss Ada Sweet Is she United States Pen.
slen Ageatat Chicago, and somebody has
been ungallant enough to charge her with
paying regular tribute for the privilege of
retaining her office. This she Indignantly
denies, and says that her position aas IN.
volved her in no expense whatever, except
tpg 2 shes gun and bull dog to Keep off
Chicago widowers.-Brooklgm Argus.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

" Don't let's have any words aboNa II, = as
the man said when he lodged the dietion.
airy his wife threw at him.-DqJ,Iurv Ne,cs
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

An old maid in Reading married tramp,
because, as she said, he smelled just like an
Italian count whom she had once met and
loved
Smyrna times., 1876-02-02

IN the Legislature of Ontario last week a
bill giving women the wight TO vote at
municipal ELECTIONS was defeated ly a small
majority,
, 1876-01-22

MANY are the stories of John Randolph
of Roanoke, and here is another one that
has just cropped up from some source
that does not seem hitherto to have been
tapped. He had employed an excellent
man named Clopton to preach to.the ne
groes in a chapel on his plantation.
One cold Sunday while Clopton was Civ
ing out his hymn, two lines at time, he
observed a negro put his foot, with new
brogan, on the red-hot stove. Turning to
him, he said, in a measured voice, "You
rascal you, you'll burn your shoe" As
this rhyme was in exact metre of the
hymn, the negroes chimed in and sangit.
The preacher smiled, and idly explain
ed, 'tMy colored friends, indeed you're
wrong; / didn't intend that for the song"
This being also in good measure, the
negroes sang it with pious fervor. Turn
ing quickly to his congregation, he said,
sharply, ~ hope you will not sing again
until l have time 10 explain;n but this
only aroused them to repeat his last
words with increased vigor. Mr.. Clop-
ton, finding his tongue was tuned to
rhyme, then abandoned explanation and
went on with the other services.
, 1876-01-22

ENAMELED CEILTNGs.-A refreshment
saloon in London has been finished inside
in such a manner as to be readily washed
out with hose. The floor is paved, the
walls are of majolica, and the ceiling is
covered with enameled sheet iron. When
it is desired to clean the Foom, the furni-
ture is removed, the hose is laid on, and
the place is simply drenched and flooded
till clean. The ceiling is the novel fea-
ture Of the room. To prepare it large
pieces of sheet-iron were coated with
white enamel in the usual manner, and
were then handsomely painted in colors.
After baking to secure the colors, the
sheets were affixed to the beams overhead
The joints are made to fit tight, and,
once in place, the enameled plates will
last as long as the building stands. This
style of ceiling is partially ire-proof, and
saves all the expense, repairs and danger
of laths and plaster. There is no patent
on this system of ceilings, and any firm
may make the sheets in plain colors, clear
white, or in patterns to fit any refresh
ment room, bathroom, laundry, dairy, or
other room where a washable ceiling is
desired.
, 1876-01-22

THE VIRTUE OF FAST DRIvINa.-One
of the worst results of the hard times is
seen in the fact that many of our hardest
worked business and professional men
can no longer afford to keep a good
horse. After day of close application
in the Office or at the desk, nothing cools
the fever in the blood more than a good
drive behind a favorite roadster. How
delicious the air feels as your hot face
presses into it, as with ears turned back
to catch the signal the honest fellow
levels down to his work. What life
there is in oxygen ss your lungs inhale
it when you take the wind full in your
face at a fifty clipl How the cares of
this world and the ills of life vanish, and
what a sweet content fills your breast as
you go bowling alongl One of the
healthiest customs in American life is
that of driving a good horse. 1t keeps
the nature fresh with the daily sight of
sky and field, and gives innocent exhila-
ration to all the faculties. A man who
can be glum to his wife after satisfac-
tory brush on the Brighton road is
brute. Such q fellow doesn't deserve a,
wife or home-or q horse either, for
that matter.-ReV. Mr.. Murray.
, 1876-01-22
The Burning Of Moscow.

The burning of Moscow in 1912 is one
of the most noted conhagrations on rec
ord, not only on account of its magni-
tude, but for its historical importance.
The French entered the city Sept. 14th,
Napoleon proposing to make II his win
ter quarters. On that very day several
fires broke out, but little attention was
paid to them by the invading army until
the next two days, when they had ac-
quired great headway. On the 18th
high wind arose, and the flames spread
rapidly in every direction; by the 18th
the whole city appeared sea of flame,
and by the evening of the Goth nine
tenths of it was reduced to ashes. The
total number of buildings destroyed is
between 10000 and $4,000. The Rus
slams at the time, in order to cast odium
on the French, attributed this conflagra-
ton to the orders of Napoleon. It is
now, however, generally acknowledged
that the fires were the work of the Rus
slams themselves, and that they were
kindled by the orders of the Governor,
Rostoptchin, acting beyond all doubt un-
der the sanction of the Emperor Alex
ander, without which it is hardly con-
ceivable that the Governor would have
ventured such a step. The object was to
deprive the French army of shelter from
the winter. Ample precautions had been
taken to insure the entire destruction of
the city. Infammable materials were
placed in deserted mansions in every
quarter, and the torch was applied sim
ultaneously all over the city. In burn
ing the French out of their proposed
winter quarters, no provision had been
made for the safety of the inhabitants,
who were driven to seek shelter in the
surrounding woods; and it is affirmed
that more than 10000 sick and wounded
perished in the flames. The direct loss
to the French is put down at 40 900; and
beyond this it involved the retreat in the
dead Of winter, and the almost complete
humiliation of the great French army.
This act which the Russians at the time
repudiated, is now considered by them as
their highest glory, the greatest example
In history of national self-sacriice for
the destruction of an invader.
, 1876-01-22

INTEREST OF CHILDREN IN ANIMALs.-
1t is very easy to enlist the sympathies
Of children in the animal world. Take.
for instance, the history and habits of
birds; show how wohderfully they are
created; how kind to their young; how
useful to agriculture; what power they
have in flight. The swallow that flies
sixty miles an hour, or the frigate-bird.
which, in the words of Audubon, "fies
with the velocity of a meteor,n and, &C.
cording to Michelet, can float at an ele-
vation of ten thousand feet, and cross
the tropical Atlantic Ocean in a single
night; or those birds of beauty.
and of song, the oriole, the lin
net the lark, and, sweetest of all, the
nightingale, whose voice caused one of
old to exclaim, Lord, what music hast
thou provided for saints, when thou hast
afforded such music for men on earth
Or take that wonderful beast of the des-
ert the camel, which, nourished by its
own humps of fat, and carrying its own
reservoirs Of water, pursues its toilsome
way across painless deserts, for the COM
fort and convenience of man. Is it not
easy to carry up the minds and hearts of
children, by thoughts like these, from
the creature to the infinitely wise, good.
and powerful Creator.
, 1876-01-22
Count Won MOItke on American Gen
eralShip.


Don Piatt, " the eccentric correspond
ent of the Washington Capital, has open
ed a campaign against the influence OF
West Point He sends from Europe to
his newspaper a summary of criticisms
extracted from Count Won Moltke by an
American visitor, who has lately 'inter-
viewed" the "old hero at Berlin. The
Count, it was alleged, has expressed an
opinion that neither party during the
American civil war had produced "a very
distinguished general The true reason
of this, he said, was not lack of military
talent among Americans, but the limita-
ton of the field of selection for officers.
West Point mOnopolized all the higher
commands on both sides. Naturally, the
North, retaining the Federal organiza-
ton, clung to the great military school,
while "the Southerners adopted the per
nicious system of exclusiveness, as many
of these West Point officers had Joined
their side, and their President had also
been at the Academy" 1T was, per-
haps," added Count Won Moltke, ''fortu-
nate for the North that the South did
not seek for talent among the mass OF
the people. 1t is evident that the chance
of obtaining a distinguished general in
creases as the field of selection widens,
and diminishes as it contracts" He
went on to contrast the American with
the Prussian system of choosing officers.
"For the sake of example, he said,
"and not binding ourselves to any exact
ness of figures, except that the one is
very small, and its opposite, with which
it is compared, very large, let us suppose
the number of West Point officers to be
! 500 and the number of PrusSian soldiers
500, ,0OO Evidently as we have fund a
thousand times larger to draw upon, to
render the chances of obtaining great
general equal, each American must pos
sess a thOusandfold the talent of Prus-
sian, which is absurd" During the Sc
cession struggle, according to the Prus-
sian strategist, both sides pursued mis-
taken policy. THE Southern leaders did
not seem to comprehend the situation.
Their advantage was the Excess of mill
tary spirit; their disadvantage the lack
of resources and the prestige of an estab-
lished government. Their blows, there
fore, should have been swift, sudden,
and aggressive. On the contrary, they
acted on the defensive, thereby giving
the government of the United States full
time to develop its immense resources. y
But the Northern leaders went equally
astray, for, "instead of using the advan-
tage rendered them by creating armies
and calling to the front the military Of
the country, they exhausted themselves
by throwing armed mobs into the fields
so badly disciplined and drilled, that
their battles were fought by regiments
and separate brigades. The one great
axiom which directs the concentration
of a heavy force against the weaker
point of the enemy, that the side of the
government had in its power to illustrate
was neglected and lost" The source
from which this testimony comes is moi
above suspicion, but we are not aware
that the German newspapers have yet
reached the genuineness Of the report
published in the Capital.
, 1876-01-22
Poverty of Baron RothschiId.

In the life OF ]. J. Audubon a good
story is told Of Baron Rothschild, show
ing how mean rich man may be, and
how deficient in estimation OF noble
character or works of art. Mr.. Audubon
carried letter of introduction from an
eminent banker. He says:
"The Baron was not present, but we
were told by good-looking young gen
tleman that he would come in in few
minutes, and so he did. Soon corpu-
lent man appeared, hitching up his
trousers, and face red with the eXertion
of walking, and without noticing any
one present, dropped into comfortable
chair, as if caring for no one else in this
wide world except himself. While the
Baron sat we stood, with our hats held
respectfully in our hands. stepped for.
ward, and with a bow rendered him my
credentials. Pray, sir, said the man of
golden consequence, is this letter of
business, or is it mere letter of intro
ductionl" This l could not well answer,
for | had not read the contents of it,
and | was forced to answer rather awk
wardly that l could not tell. The banker
then opened the letter, read it with the
manner of one who was looking only at
the temporal side of things, and after
reading it, said, This is only letter of
introduction, and suspect from its con-
tents that you are the publisher of some
book or other, and need my subscrip-
tion.'
"Had a man the size of mountain
spoken to me in this arrogant style in
America, l should have resented it; but
where l then was, it seemed best to
swallow aud digest it as we'll as l could.
SO in reply to the offensive arrogance of
this banker, said should be hOnOred
by his subscription to the Birds of Amer
ica.' Sir he said, 4 never sign my
name to any subscription list, but you
may send in your work, and will pay
for copy of it. Gentlemen, I am busy,
| wish you good-morning.' We were
busy men too, and so bowing respect
fully, we retired, pretty well satisfied
with the small slice of his opulence
which our labor was likely to attain.
"a few days afterwards sent the
first volume of my work half bound, and
all the numbers besides, then published.
On seeing them we were told that he
ordered the bearer to take them to his
house, which was done directly. Num-
Der after number was sent and delivered
to the Baron, and after eight or ten
months my son made out his account
and sent it by Mr.. Havell, my engraver,
to his banking-house. The Baron looked
at it in amazement, and cried out What,
hundred pounds for birds Why, sir,
will give you five pounds, and not a
farthing morer
Representations were made to him OF
the magnitude and expense of the work,
and how pleased the Baroness and
wealthy children would be to have a
copy; but the great fnancier was unre-
lenting. The copy of the work was act
ually sent back to Mr.. Havell's shop, and
as found that instituting legal proceed
ings against him would cost more than it
would come to, l kept the work, and af-
terwards sold it to a man with less money
and a nobler heart"