Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1876-02-26
HUMOROUS.

An Indiana man bet ten dollars that
he could ride the hy-wheel Of a saw
mill, and as his wilew paid the bet she
remarked William was kind hus-
band, but he did not know much about
fy wheels.
A jawbone sixteen feet long is to be
exhibited at the Centennial by Msssa-
chusetts, Put it in the woman's DE.
partmsnt, by all means.
"Will you have i, rare or well dons!'
said an Englishman 10 an Irishman, as
he was cutting slice Of roasted beet.
81 love it well done liver since am
in this country" replied Pat, "ior it
was rare enough we used to ate il ia
Ireland"
One Of the young men employed in
! Danbury hat factory discovered brass
collar-button in piece of mince pie hs
was masticating the other day. lie is
looking for new boarding place. lie
saws what he wants are the comforts OF
a home, and not the excitement and
confusion OF dollar store.
A bald man was sadly astonished to
find his French BARRIERS charges SO
high "Teu francs, exclaimed he, "for
cutting my hair = Oh, no, monsieur,
not cor cutting your hair, but Tor find.
ing de hair 10 cot.
II there is ANYTHING in this world
calculated TO make man forge, that
he's been To hear Moody and Ssnkey
on the previous evening, II Is 10 bounce
cheerily out of bed in the morning aud
light on the business end of tack.
"Please accept lock of my bsir,"
said an old bachelor TO a widow, hand.
ing her large cnrl. "Sir, you had
better give the whole wig" Madame,
you are very biting, indeed, considering
that your teeth are porcelain.
"What no more ammnnitionl" :" cried
the captain of a military company on a
field day. mo; no more" replied Ills
men," "Thea-ah-cease firing, re-
piled the officer.
A clergyman of country village
church desired to give notice that there
would be no service in the aiternoon,as as
he vas going to ofiiciate for another
clergyman. The clerS, as soon rs tho
sermon was finished, rose up with all
due solemnity, aud cried ont, 81 am re-.
qnested 10 give notice that there will
be no service this afternoon, rs Mr.. J..
is going fishing with another clergy.
man.
A local debating society is preparing
to wrestle with the following question
"RssoIred, That man who plays Oh an
aecordson aud keeps barking dog
can't be Christian.' Four members
TO one want 10 take the negative side.
A pastor was conversng with that
very gentle aud most indispensable err.
ic, the pastors wife, on Sabbath even.
lug, about the morning sermon. "Ws
it good" !" "Yes, she replied, "vsry."
"Was il not complete chain of thought
with no link omitted r. "Yes, il Mas
certainly that, but il seemed TO me, bus
band, that at the hearers end you for
got to put on the hook T.
An Irishman being bound over "to
keep tho peace against all Her Maje.-
tvs subjects muttered, Heaven help
the first foreigner ! meetl"
"What do you mean, you lit,lc
rascal" exclaimed an individual TO an
impulent youth that had seized him
by the nose upon the street. "Oh, no
thing, only ] avn going out to seek my
fortune, aud father told ms TO seize hold
Of the first thing that turned up
Man-"Do YOU think il wonld 10
safe for me to cross this PASTURE"
Maid-"WiIl, the old bull don't like
red very much, but il you will chalk
your nose | guess he wont attack
you"
A professor, explaining TO class Of
young ladies the theory according TO
which the body is entirely renewed
every seven years, said: Thus, Miss
b., IN seven years you will no longer
be Hiss Il. II really hope | sba'nt."
demurely responded the girl.
When nan detects missing but.
ton after getting OH clean shirt, no
one in the house is aware Of the fact.
Irving TO do business without adyer.
tising is like winking at q pretty girl in
the dark; you may know what you are
doing, but nobody else does.
In view Of Mr.. Morrison inability to
make long speeches, in consequence Of
tie gunshot wonnd that he received
during the war, the Detroit News in.
quires with refined cruelty; "Why, OH
why don't some patriot shoot the rest Of
the Congressman in the lungsi Let
no guilty man escape"
The mercury stood five degrees be-
low zero outside when Jones fvelingly
remarked | wouldn't turn dog away
tonight, Brown, would you I Nv
well, no, replied Brown, hesitating-
ly lat least rot if he was worth any
thing"