River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1876-03-02
SELECTED TTEArS.


rents,' in the speech of the little boy who
said, Father, think you should give
up swearing or family prayers. The
boy recognized the fitness of things,
A clergyman who was urgently re.
quested to come and pray at the bedside
of dying milkman, demurely remarked.
an 20, but it isn't any sort Of use. |
never knew our Heavenly Father to for
give one OF that sort yet"
The late Rev. Daniel Isaac was both
great wag and a great smoker. "lla +!
there you are, cried lady, who surprised
him one day with a pipe in his mouth,
"at your idol again." "Yes, mama, re.
piled he coolly, burning IT,"
"Go out, young man; she's not here,
said Pennsylvania preacher last Sun.
day, in the midst Of his sermon, to
youth whom he saw standing hesitating-
ly in the doorway.
at dosen't take long 60 make up my
mind, can tell youv' said conceited
fop "l,'s always so where the stock Of
material TO make up is small, - quietly
remarked a young lady.
Josh Billings writes that philosophers
aul agree that the milk is put into the
kokernut, and the hole is neatly plugged
up but who the Teller is who due it, the
philosophers are honest enough, for a
wonder, to admit they can't tell US.
A twenty-five cent pamphlet, full of
thinly-disguised abuse Of the royal fam.
lily Of England, has attained in London a
circulation OF over 10000 copies. 4
correspondent writes "ltis as near tres.
son as the author dare come for shil.
ling"
Dr. Hayford Of Laramie, who drew up
the woman suffrage law for Wyoming
Legislature says there are not twenty Ave
people in the Territory who would now
vote for its repeal. Fights at the polls,
street brawls and barroom rows never
occur.
Cant 10 it, Madam said thc direc.
tor ptorilly. Can't do it, We've
had TO come down rs cents thousand
and hanxerchicis for the heather this
year are out Of the question. Let them
do as do, sometimes, blow their noses
according to the plan Of nature
One Of the most agreeable materials
for curtaining windows is coarse UNI
beached cotton. The irregulsrity Of the
thread and the roughDess Of the surface
gives its soft folds much the charm Of
Russia crash, aud its hue warns the light
of cool, north windows almost to the glow
OF sunshine.
81 don't know, said young lady
meditatively, as she glanced at an Gle
gantly dressed rival. who was sailing out
Of church Sunday morning with all Ia e
airs Of an empress. 81 don't know, bu I
il seems to me that every time she gets q
new stuifin' for her hustle, she sorter
acts as If sorrer couldn't hurt her.
"What am made of!" asked the little
girl, fresh from her Sunday school lesson.
as she essayed to show off her knowledge
TO a younger sister. II don't know,
was The honest answer. "What does
mamma sweep up lrem the floor 7" was
the first speakers next trial in Socratic
method. "Pins, needles, and hairpins !"
was the prompt but unexpected response.
GLOW is it, asked Bishop Wilberierce
Of one Of his Roman Catholic servant
girls, that you feel so kindly toward m,
when you believe that ] shall certainly b,
lost :" "Oh, no y said she. "But how
J can be saved, persisted the Bishop
'when your Church teaches that there j
no salvation for those out Of its pale
"You will be saved through your irwin
chile hignorance, was the reply.
A little fellow, who was at neirhbor
house about noon the other day, Watchel
the preparations for dinner with great in
terest, but, when asked TO stay and ca
something he promptly refused. "Why
yes, Johnnie, you had better stay" sal,
the lady ''why can't you ~ swell
cause, said the little fellow, Una said
mustn't unless you ask me three times.
They invited him twice more right of.
A San Antonio saloon keeper, hoping
to scare of free lunch fiend said,
there's trichina IN them sausages.
The iiend took another mouthful. aud
said with difficulty, "Colonel, did you q
say there-was--st in-- the Wit
ualsf' "Yes, enough to kill a. nog. T"
"Well, chewing vigorously, "that's what
my iamily--phyECan gives--ne fora
tonic when-l- hain't got no--appetito.
Not long ago an old topper Of Minneap-
oils, who Is in the habit Of getting intox
icated and lying down by the wayside 10
sleep off the effect Of his sprees, was found
by a party Of mischieyous boys who
placed 'jack.o'-lantern," made from a
big pumpkin, soraped very thin and fur
nished with hidcous physiognomy, OF
the fence a snort distance from him. N,
awoke after awhile, and mistaking n,
iaek.o'-lnntern for the queen Of night,
gave voice 10 the following "Roh OF
(hic) sillery moon, guide or mariner
onish (hic) way-look er ole Teller
mnnnla mnnah lhirl dnmn--lln. nnn va.