The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-08-10
Wit and HumOr.

oIoUX-ING machlne-The scalplng-
knife.
THERE is great run on lawn dresses
this season, to the delight of laun-
dresses.
A FRENCHMAN wants to dig a ship
canal across America, and we say unto
him: "Dig out I"
SoL1LoQUY by tippler The public
always notices you when you have been
drinking, and never when you are thirs-
ty.
WHAT is the difference between an
old ex- officer of the Government and
the present Governor General of CANADA
One is duffer out, and the other is Duff
ferin.
A LITTLE girl was asked what was the
meaning of the word happy. She gave
a very pretty answer, saying, cit is to
feel as II you wanted to give up all your
things to your little sister.
LUCY Stones husband never had the
floor but once; "and them" says Lucy,
with grim smile, che occupied about
six feet of 1t and had dreadful head
| ache. "-Rochester Chronicle.
AN old negro was paid his wages in
silver half-doliars. He gazed benignly
upon them as they lay in his palm,
grinned as though in triumph, and ex-
claimed: "Dat's de stuff de rats can't
chaw -
A HARTFORD girl treating too fire.
quent gentleman caller rather coolly,
IYaxu from him 10 o111.
you are not dealing squarely with me !"
That's because you are round so Of
ten, " was the quiet reply.
THIS is the reading of an advertise
ment that for the enlightenment Of Eng
lish residents at Vienna has lately fig
ured conspicuously upon a well-known
tailors window: "Inlandish and out
landish suits always ready"
"MAMMA, if we cross the bridge at
night must we pay toll?" "Of course,
my dear; why do you ask?" "Why, be-
cause the river has gone home to sleep"
"Oh, the river never sleeps" "Then
why has it bed, mammal"
| A FIRE was caused in Scranton, the
other day, by the suns rays glancing off
a citizens nose and concentrating on a
frame shed. The owner of the nose
doesn't belong to % temperance society.
He argues that little wine for the
stomach's sake will harm no one.
A TAILOR of melancholy temperament
was observed recently sitting cross
legged on the. Canada shore, gazing in
tently at. the Horseshoe Fall, with it's
thick cloud of spray. A reporter stole
up unobserved, and heard him mutter
"What place to sponge a coat u
The authorities took poor man from
Happy Hollow one day this week, and
sent him out to the poor house. The
parting between the poor man and his
eleven dogs, which he distributed among
his sympathizing relatives, was affecting
in the extreme. We believe the man had
a few children, too, but not enough to
make fuss about. Burlington HnaOk-
Eye.
PATTI has paid $12. 500 for fur cloak.
May we ask what fur?--Bufazo E!c-
press. No. She's able to pay for it, so
mind your own affairs and let er-mine
hers.-M Y. Com. Adv. Wh-otter fuss
over fur-riner. Pbil0deI9oHi0 C7aroga6-
Gle. Twelve thousand dollars! The
mink i Herald and Presbyter. That
is nothing for the gayest cloak in this
squirreld THE Interior.
THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN.
" The rights of women! What are they?
The right to labor and to pray;
|. The right to comfort in distress;
The right when others curse, to bless;
The right to love when others sco1n;
The right to comfort all who mourn;
The right to shed new joy on earth;
The right to feel the souls high worth;
The right to lead the soul to God,
Along the path the Savior trod-
The path of meekness and of love,
The path of faith that leads above,
The path of patience under wrong,
The path in which the weak grow strong.
such womans right, and God will bless
And support or give success.
Burning Out Chimneys.