The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-09-14
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.

"I KNOW that ought to pay up that
little bill owe the washerwoman,
mused a fashionable "swell, " the other
day. And then he continued thought
fully "But then l can't, for I've got
to have a new pair of lavender KIDS -
Chicago journal.
A WOMAN out in Ottumwa fell out OF
= second-story window of hotel, and
lit on her head on the sidewalk below.
They picked her up, and in due time
she recovered her consciousness "Oh
my hat, my hat" she sobbed, az can
never get that feather to look like any
thing apain. Oh, why didn't l die?
WHY didn't YOU let me dieP" And they
all went out and left her to her anguish.
-HGsok-eye.
HORACE GREELEY used to tell TINS
story: II. once sent a claim for eollec-
ton to a Western lawyer, and regard
inc it as rather desperate claim, told
the attorney if he collected it he might
reserve half the amount for his Zee. In
due time Mr.. Greeley received the fol
lowing laconic epistle: "Dear Sri
have succeeded in collecting my hall OF
that claim. The balance is hopeless.
SOME of the hotels have bills of fare
with fly-leaf covered with cards OF va
rious business houses. An Oregon man
recently took seat behind one of them,
when waiter appeared with " what
will YOU have, sir?'' To the utter con-
fusion of the waiter he leisurely re-
marked: You may fetch me new set
of teeth, in gutta pereha; an improved
sewing-machine, with patent lOck-stitch;
a box of Brandreth's pills, and PAIR OF
number seven French calf-skin boots"
In a moment the waiter replied: :" we
do not furnish those articles" linen
what have You got it on the bill OF fare
for?n retorted the customer.
A LADY called on a photographer,
for fifty cents worth of pictures. When
the artist removed the plate from the
machine, he told her she need not SIT
longer. On coming out from the dark
room, he found her still bolt upright IN
the chair, with that look of petriiied
despair on her face peculiar to the
PHOTOGRAPHIC pose. "You needn't sit
there any longer" said the frightened
artist. "What's that?" she hOarsely
whispered, without changing muscle.
"I say you needn't sit there now. have
got through" he explained. "Aint
to pay We fifty cents?" she interrogated,
in the same gurgling tone, with her
eyes strained on the mark. " Yes,
'fWell, thin, do We name to say I'm TO
give you fifty cints f0Or only five mlnltS
in the cheerp Be gorra, I'll have a full
tin miniUs foOr the money, and that 5
little enough in all conscience" And
she had it.
A BOYS OPINION OF HENs.-Hens IS
curious animals. They don't have no
nose, nor no teeth, nor no ears. They
swaller their wittles whole and chaw 1t
up in their crops inside of 'em. The
outside of hens is generally put inter
pillers and made into feather busters
The inside of hen is sometimes filled
ND with marbles and shirt-buttons and
sich. A hen is very much smaller than
a GOOD many other animals, but they IL
die up more tOmato-plants than any
thing that amt hen. Hens is very
useful to lay eggs for plum-pudding
Bet yer life | like plum-puddlng.
Skinny Bates eat so much plum-puddlnS
once that it sent him inter the collery.
Hens has got wings, and can fly when
they are scarf. 1 cut my Uncle VIII
Iiam's hens neck off with hatchet,
and it scared her to death. Hens some
times makes very fine spring chickens