The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-07-06
Wit ana Hnm0r.

Wit ana HumOr.
A PUT-UP job-Building chimney.
Lone and successful reign-The
deluge.
A VERY narrow aperSure-The crack
of whip.
MARK TWAIN says: ''It is a blessed
thing to live in land of plenty, if you
have plenty of land"
THEY'VE got singing doll at the Cen
tennial. She huns Sim sawdust when
[ sing. "-Bostoqa Post.
A FAsTIDIoUs New York paper declares
that it isn't proper for bride to laugh
right out" during the wedding ceremony.
A POET singeth
In antique times, we in schoolbooSs told,
Whatever Midas touched was turned to gold.
In modern mercenary times like these,
Men touched with gold are changed to what you
please.
"WHAT would you ike9" said Jones
the other night to Miss Smith, as he led
her into the refreshment room. "Pop,"
was the blushing response. Jones didn't
seeit.
AN Irish guide told DIR. James John
son, who wished for a reason why Echo
was always in the feminine gender, that
''maybe it was because she always had
the last word"
The Danbury NeaOS has discovered
that tarring the bed of river will keep
boys from going in swimming. They
go in once, but the rest of the summer
is used up in scraping the tar off their
heels.
Two LADIES contended for precedence
at the court of Charles V. They APP
pealed to the monarch, who, like Solo
mon, awarded, "Let the elder go first.
Such dispute was never known after
wards.
JOHN THOMAS" Now, then, be hoff;
we can't ave that noise ere" Indig-
nant Musician" Noise! Yah, COS yer
gov'ner's gone to the Dubby, you gives
ye1self hairs, an wants to set hup for
cricket of music"
LITTLE boys playing ball. Anxious
mamma in distant doorway calling aloud,
Tommy, Tommy" Gentleman calls
attention of children to woman. Best
boy replies, ''Her amt calm OF we;
us don't belong to she.
"MAMMA," asked q precocious young
| SUOE dU G1l0 USct~ JdD16 LuS OUl1CI OfCAAAS5S
after long and yearning gaze toward
plate of doughnuts, mamma, do you
think I could stand another of those
fried holes?" She thought he could.
"IT was simply an informal affair, !"
wrote the editor of little strawberry
party at neighbours house. sit was
simply an Internal affair.", read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get
any more invitations from that quarter.
"THE adulteration of liquor" said
punning Judge, who was trying culpr1t
| for mixing sand with his sugar, sis
case of gross wrong, but the adultera-
ton of tea, sugar and such articles OF
common necessity is certainly grocer
| ofense."
THIRTEEN years ago man was driven
out of town for an offense which he did
not commit. News now comes that he
settled in Chicago and studied law, and
is now prominent lawyer there. Thus
we see how an unjust accusation may
blast and ruin mans whole career
NOr9U5cb Bulletin.
AN Irish barrister, an invalid, while
painting with asthma, in Dublin, almost
deafened by the noise of brawling
fellow who was selling oysters below his
window, exclaimed: ''The extravaganza
rascal has wasted as much breath as
would have served me for month.
A MEDICAL authority says that man
loses per cent. of vitality every time
he is walked suddenly from sleep. This
is what makes druggist look so pleas
ant when he is rung up at 2 o'clock IN
the morning by fellow citizen, who
wants to know if he keeps postage
stamps, and who would like to buy one.
A WIT was dreadfully bored by astupid
fellow who persisted in talking to him
on natural history. "There's the oys-
ster," at last said the bore "what's
your notion as to the idea that the oys-
ster is possessed of reason o. 81 think
it may be true, said the wit, because
the oyster knows enough to shut Its
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