Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-04-07
H UMOR.

The blacklist sand on these tarnal hills.
II UMOR.
A DOMESTIC SORROW. Here is a char
acteristic conversation which occurred
some time since between a certain Mis-.
Smith and Mrs. Jones. The husbands Of
both belong to the Blank Club, and upon
a certain occasion the two wives met and
talked over their grievances. Said Mrs.
Jones: 'My dear,do you know that 1 am
unhappy %
mo, dear; had not the remotest idea
of anything of that kind. You are living
in such luxury and ease that 1 supposed
you to be the happiest of mortals."
''Oh, no, never think of that, for am
too, too unhappy
ssWhat makes you so unhappy ?"
"Oh, never mind, dear; it does not con-
Germ any one in the world but myself /; but
I am dreadfully unhappy. suppose am
the most unhappy person who lives"
'sDo tell me what it is
"Well, my dear, if you will know, it is
this: Ny husband goes out and stays all
night long at the club and plays cards.
Amt that dreadful %
Mrs. Smith gazed at Mrs. Jones very
calmly, and placidly, and then remarked :
ssMy dear Mrs. Jones, I was absolutely
frightened-I was alarmed. 1 shuddered
for fear you were about to relate some ter
,;b1 or ho1 hon
Ply as I am. 1 am the most unhappy, mis-
cradle woman that ever lived"
"What!'' said Mrs. Jones. "You I'M
happy, and SO much admired and caressed
by society,""
eyes, the most heart broken woman
you ever knew"
''What can be the cause of this %
''Well, I'll tell you, my dear. You see
my husband goes out and stays all night
well, he stays all night and tries to play
cards, but can't. Those other fellows beat
him every night;''
Nor IN THE FAMILY.-An old Detroi-
ter brought home two jugs the other day,
one labelled ssboiled oil" and the other
'turpentine." They were placed in the
barn, and pretty soon it was noticed that
the old man had business there at regular
intervals. His oldest boy slyly followed
him and saw him take deep dlaught from
one of the jugs. The old man heard a step
outside, and before going out he arranged
those jugs according to his artistic taste.
He was hardly gone when the son skipped
in and took drink from the Jug out of
which he supposed his father had drank.
The next moment he was sputtering.
coughing and gasping, and the old man
entered and asked:
ssTurpentine doesn't agree with you does
it 2"
''But I saw you drink it % exclaimed
the injured and indignant son.
'sThat is true" said the old man, While
beautiful smile played over his face;
|'but it doesn't necessarily follow that the
rest of the family must relish turpentine
because | do ~
When man comes home and tries to
bolt his door with a sweet potato, pokes
the fire with the spout of a coffee pot, at
tempts to wind up the clock with his boot
jack, tries to cut kindling wood for the
morning fire with a paper knife, takes a
cold potato in hand to light him to bed,
and prefers sleeping with his hat and boots
on, you may reasonably infer that he has
been making the acquaintance of some
very friendly people.
The New York ''Mail'' says that many of
the brown stockings worn by ladies are so
poisonous as to endanger life. Those who
wear them assume an unlovely yellow COL
or. You've got your cue now, dear reader.
When you see a lady friend assume an I'M
lovely color, you should pull her stockings
right off, and light out for "a stomach
pump.
The prevalence of the baseball fever was
observed the other day in one Of our best
families, where, at the breakfast table, the
oldest son had occasion to ask for another
biscuit s'Give me hot one, mother" he
said; 'sand send it with a twist" His
father Immediately batted him out, and
scored one on his back.
A young lady dressed in much false hair
was warbling at the piano, and when her
mother summoned her to assist in some
household dutief, her rosy lips opened
poutingly and snapped out. 80, do it your
self ?'' And then went on singing, eKind
word can never die"
A simple looking country lad to whose
lot fell the leading question in the cate
chism. "What is your name ?" replied,
'scarrots % Who gave you that name ?"
All the boys IN the parish, sir" whining
ly replied the red haired urchin.
Get Brooklyn girl thoroughly mad and
the fruits of a careful religious training
ale not conspicuous in the fury with which
she unships her hustle and wrecks it over
the head OF her adversary.-Brooklyn Ar
gus.
''No SIR said weary looking man on a
street car to an individual by his SIDE. 81
wouldn't marry the best woman alive.
I've beeu dry goods clerk too long for
that"
Why should it be easy to break into an
old mans house Because his gait is bro
ken and his locks are few.
At a recent spelling-match; one man
spelt it sspasnip." and got beet.
The man who had project on foot went