The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1876-02-10
How Jones Shaved Himself.

In view of the hard times Jones deter
mined to shave himself His income had
been reduced and he had got tired of
waiting for his turn, of being pestered to
purchase toilet articles, of the persistent
and unnecessary brushing by the barber's
boy, and the steady evaporation of his
small change. So Jones invested in the
requisite apparatus, and upon bringing
them home remarked triumphantly to
Mrs. Jones that he was glad to have the
opportunity of setting the example of
economy, On Sunday morning Jones
commenced operations, and it was not
long before large part Of the household
was enlisted in his service. Mrs. Jones
must find him a cup for soap, Miss Jones
must hunt up some shaving paper, Master
Jones must find hook for his strOp, and
the servant some sweet oil for the same.
OF course Jones had Il new razor, and new
razors proverbially need to be sharpened,
and Jones undertook to sharpen it. First
he tried the oil stone, and rubbed away
until he had used up large part of the
blade and letta feather edge as rough as the
burr on file. Then came the strOpping
process, and Jones rubbed diligently half
an hour alternately on Nos. one, two,
three and four, at the end Of which time his
blade seemed to he about where he start
ed, and he mentally wondered how the
BARRIERS managed to do it so quickly. He
had seen them slash away with razor
and bring it to keen edge in few Wig
orous strokes. He had vainly been en-
deavoring to do the thing with precision
and delibcration. But it was no go. All
SORTS of reasons occurred to him. Per-
haps he had a bad razor; perhaps the
strop was bad perhaps he had too much
oil Or not enOugh-in short all sorts of
reasons but the right one, which was that
Jones knew no more about sharpening
a razor than cat. But Mrs. Jones was
looking on, and Jones did not dare ad
nit that he couldn't do it. So he finally
said, "Thercw with a triumphant air, as
if he had finally got it all right Jones
said there" and squared himself for ac-
ton. His beard was stiff and stubborn,
and if the razor had been a. all sharp he
could have cut it easily. But the
razor wasn't sharp, and slid over
the stubblc like a sled over the snow
Mrs. Jones Uttered, and Jones resolved to
brave il out So he seized the strop and
made a desperate lunge-as the BARRIERS
do-lntending to get an edge with one
fell swoop, but his first stroke cut the
leather fearful cash, the second slashed
the strop in two, and the third closed the
razor over his hand exposing an amount
of red meat that made Mrs. Jones scream.
con, that's nothing" said Jones, "only
a Scratch" and he tied up his hand with
a towel. Just a little slip, my dear"
and Jones again seized the razor, lathcrcd
his eyes, nose and ears full of soap and
started to NOV down his crop. This
time he managed to cut little hair off,
but it came hard and brought the tears to
his eyes 1t was like tearing the hair up
by the roots. But Jones, nothing daunt-
ed kept on bravely. He took it at diff
tercnt angles; he supplied frequent lather.
He scraped and scraped until the cuticlc
had been excOriated to the consistency of
| a raw beefsteak. There, my dear" he
said to Mrs. j., feel how smooth that
is" and he tried to delude Mrs. j. into
rubbing the right way. But Mrs. j.,
with glaring and reckless obstinacy, per-
sisted in rubbing the wrong way, and said
she didn't think it was very smooth.
Then Jones grew desperate, but said that
perhaps there were few hairs not quite
as short as they should be. So he went at
it again This time he was savage, and
in a short time he made his face look as
if some young doctors had been trying to
dissect him. The point of the razor
caught in his nose, the heel in his ear,
and the center laid open his cheek with Il
ghastly seam that brought his shaving TO
an untimely end. Jones has never shaved
since. But all the materials were uti-
lized The soap for washing, the cup for
the baby, the strop to thrash the boy with,
and the razors have been perpetual de-
light whenever Mrs. Jones wants to cut
her corns.-N. Y. Graphic.