The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-08-05

No use to talk about white meat or dark meat
to either England or Russia. Each one wants the
entire bird.
''John, if you are going to be out till two clock
tonight, you ii have to stay at home and let your
self in, for won ~ gCs- .-.f
The summer duster for gentlemen win have a
bird 's-eye view of the Centennial on the tail board
and map of Wagner's Hymn on the front
The Burlington Hawk-Eye has been to church
often enough to observe that " woman seats her
self in pew in eleven motions; man with one. -
The Woman's Journal asks, How shall we
utilize the superauous woman 2 it seems as ifshe
might be Utahlized by forwarding her to Salt Lake
City.
A Massachusetts matron in taking leave of her
newly married daughter, said: Remember, Lucy,
that the first principle in cleaning house sto make
everybody as uncomfortable as possible"
A young colored lawyer in Washington has
been dismissed from the Baptist Church for play
ing croquet, though it was not proved that he had
hit any of the elders the shns with his mallet.
Josh Billings says The mewl in larger burd
than the guse or Turkey. 1t has two legs to walk
with, and too more to kick with, and it wears
wings on the side of its head
"Why don't we go to the Centennial?'' says
Miss McElimsey to an inquiring friend. "Simply
because it is as much as we can do to stay here
mydear." oh, times, why thy hardness! Where
is Reciprocity
It hasb been ascertained that in certain oranges
where women and men both vote, the women and
their husbands agreed 398 times and disagreed
Sc times. The question now is, who agreed, the
man or wife?
Chang the Chinese giant, has been converted,
and viii shortly-soon, that is-jOin the Baptist
church. squad of muscular ministers will
immerse him with derrick and tackle.-NeiC
York World.
Why is it, my dear sir, said our Dams land
lady to him the other day, that yon newspaper
men never get rieh2 dc not know, he replied,
Except it Is that dollars and sense do not always
travel together
A Chicogo paper says that clergyman of that.
city thinks it looks decidedly suspicious for a
fish on Monday morning, especially when he re-
collects that that member was not at church the
day before
The editor of q Lancaster paper tells about a
eirl with such 'tight-ftting pullback that when
She accidentally fell down gentleman who had
rushed to her assistance was compelled as a last
resort to take her by the head and stand her on
her end like clothes pin.
A SLIGHT MISTAKE AT CHRISTENING. - Clergyman
(who has forgotten the day of the monthly 80 Let
me see; this is the-ah-the thirteenth, believer"
Fond mother (not catching the idea exactly, but |
thinking of her family why, bless your stars!
No, this is only the eleventh."
The Burlington (Iowa) Ha,ekeys has dis
covered the man. 1t says Sc There is a growing |
feeling among American people that the man
who can hear fellow mortal complain of q cold |
in the head and abstain from telling him what to |
do for it is the man who should be the next |
President. -
A Rome man waltzed out of front door fol-
lowed by wash-board and two bars Of Moulson's |
soap and as he Strengthened himself and walked |
firmly down the street, he remarked ga man must |
draw the line somewhere or he can't be boss of /
the honse and I'll be hanged If LII pump more
than one barrel of water for no washing, and
there amt no woman can make me do it unless !
sh, locks me in
n. not imagine when you see one of those
~ ), ssted statesmen get up in place on the
e. oF a. House of Representatives that your
so,l = obon. % be aroused by sonorous burst of
aIonrsroe He >arries his paper of chewing to-
bacro in his pocket, and is too at TO reach
it without rising.
MIR. Mark Body. AUTH n OF the "Reminiscences
of Fifty years., mentions th;. Seo.cn gen.ie.nan
of fortune on his death bed tue S
whether, if he left large sum nt;ons ,u 1,;n'
salvation would be secured. The 1ntious -. Hn;n-
lister responded; Il would not like to pe Po'i'Ne
but it's weel worth trying
Here is another attempt by the RearH to oiSlie
on Tlden and Hendricks;
The fghI thsy,n all & get killed 1 ,in., in 49,.
Wen scalp old sammy Tiden
And likewise Tommy Hendricks.
1t also utters the following discordant
shrek:
ticket gldn'
IA game we'll take the ten tricks;
Hurrah fol Sammy Tilden
And q tiger for Tom Hendricks
Mary Clemmer, in recent Washington letter,
saws: 1--WE are approaching that line in the ther-
mometer when from natural law human afec-
tion cease, and even woman ceases to be ioyable
being, for persist that a woman with perspir-
ING face, in sticky muslin, fighting flies, is not
a lovely or loyable being 1t is merely quest
ion of weather when the capacity for romance
ceases, and the power Of human affection dies out
of the human heart Surely it must be easier to
be affectionate at the North &an at the South