Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-08-23
"A Little Fun Now ana Then.

IA Little Fun Now and Then.
1t is safe now to dub anythin.
Centennial except old maids.
"Matrimonial encouragcrs" is wha
crOquet sets are now called.
1t is proposed to send an amateu
brass band to Montana and make th
indians go West.
The new Sultan mourns for hi
dead uncle at the rate of four quart
of Turkish 'fire water" per day.
81 hain't heern one this year." la
ments Mrs. Partington, "not on
Bachanalian sermon"
1t was bald-headed clergyma
who took for his text, "The hairs Q
our head are all numbered.
No man can become thoroughly &C
quainted with his family histor
without running for Office.
Correspondents should write onl
on one side of a sheet of paper, an
only on one side of subject.
We can always find good place
and steady employ for men who real
ly know enough to mind their Ow
business.
Fashionable ladies now hang thei
fans by q two-inch wide cardinal rib
bon, caught at the waist on the lef
side.
The relics Of the old Millerites il
Maine are getting ready for the en-,
of the world again-this time at TIL
close of August.
A shirt dealer advertises bosom
warranted to wear longer than tn
shirt. But who wants bosom long
er than his shirt?
Sioux Squaws do not wear striped
stockings. Three streaks of greel
paint are cooler and cheaper.-Ne,
York Herald.
Nearly all the post-otiices in Texa
arein charge of females. 1t works 81
well that the males now arrive ant
depart every hour in the day.
The W1omon,s Journal says: "IIov
shall'we utilize the superfluous won
.en?" 1t seems as If she might b
Utah-lized by forwarding her to Sal
Lake City. +.
1t is, dangerous now to send any
small child with a message and few
cents. The odds are that he or sh,
will Immediately start for the Centen
nial.
A Kansas paper maliciously oh
serves that the family tree of Texa
family shows branch on which sew
eral members have been hung 70
borrowing Horses"
The Columbus Journal SAYS tn,
United States don't want any NOR
whey-blooded old bachelors fo
President. They had one, and tn,
result was civil war.
The Judge the other morning ask
ed a prisoner charged with drunken
ess what he intended to do. He re
piled, frankly, that he "wasn't hi
own boss this morning"
''Are you lost, my little fellow p
asked a gentleman Of a four-year-oli
on Main street Saturday. "No," b,
sobbed in reply, "b-but m-my mothel
is."-Rochester Union.
Two sons of Daniel Drew are try
ing to erase their sorrow over thei
fathers great sorrow by boarding
fishing and hunting in the Adiron
dack region, at an expense of $35 pc
day.
"Ma, has aunty got bees in he
mouth?' "No; why do YOU ask sucl
a question p Cause that little maj
with heap o. hair on his face cotche,
hold of her, and said he was going t,
take the honey from her lips and sh
said: swell, make haste"
Mining life in the Black Hills
daily growing in interest. From on
to four men per week get into gam
bling quarrels and "die with thei
boots on" "Wild Bill" is the lates
to have his departure thus recorded
John Chinaman has got q railroa,
at last. 1t is only forty miles Ions
extends from Shanghai to Woosun,
and opened for general travel ol
June 30. John has not yet learne,
the trick of scalping the express mes
sengcr and going through a passen
ger train, but entire civilization can
not be expected i'll month.
A Massachusetts, man has been in
flating the currency by adding to tn
volume pine-tree shilling, which b
picked up in his back yard. The piec
bears date 1852, and the indication
are that it has lain where il was foun
at least since l703.
A good story is told of Spurgeol
His habit is to shut himself up O
Saturdays. One Saturday a ma
called, and insisted on seeing hin
sTell him." said the visitor,to the sci
want, shat servant Of the LOr
| wishes to see him. The messa Q
was delivered, and the following r.
turned "Tell him that am engage
with his Master"
Says the New Orleans Republica,
AN exchange says: There isa circu
in Mexico composed of three men an
four horses The name of the Pre-
prietor Of the colossal aggregation
not given; but if there is sheriff
front of the ticket Office, and one G
the horses is blind, you can bet fou
dollars and half that Dan Rice
humbugging the Mexican public"