davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

The proprietor of a saloon In Ia
Crosse had live turtle tha. was des-
tined to give flavor to a free lunch. 1t
was under tho ice-box, and its powers
Of locomotion were supposed to he dor
mant. Two old topers were sitting by
u table and munbling over their
glasses. Suddenly the turtle, which
had waddlei from the ice-box, en-
countcrcd mass of leather under the
table, and not having time to go
around the obstruction started to climb
over it. The man within the boot
looked down and turned pale. Boy" "
he whispered, take me home and
send for doctor. I've got 'em!"
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
Upton, IOWA. DECEMBER 81, 1876.

Iowa had IL electoral votes and Ken
tncky II. Under this law, aud by this
same vote, Hayes would have had
| and Tilden votes in Iowa, aud Hayes
land Tilden s votes in Kentucky.
The result would have been the same,
though the Republican vote in Ken
tucky and the Democratic vote in
Iowa would have had its proper
weight. But had Tilden's majority
in Kentucky been only 5000 he would
have got the whole l. votes under the
present rule. Another illustration is
furnished by the vote in Indiana.
That State has Is electoral votes, which
were all given for Tilden. Under
Morton's plan, Hayes would have had
8 and Tilden &: while under this plan
Tilden would have had 3, and Hayes
7. Under Buckalew's plan. New
York would have given Tiiden Is and
Hayes Il. while rilden would have
had share in the vote of Ohio, Penn
sylvania, and Illinois, and Hayes had
full share of the vote In Virginia,
Tennessee, Georgia, Alabama, Mis-
souri,, and all the Southern States,
where he now gets none at all. The
advantage of this plan il that it de-
feats the present undue weight of the
large States where small majority
carries with it the whole Electoral
vote of the State. 1t gives To the vote
OF every citizen an equal weight in
the election of President, because In
whatever State il be pollcd 1t will
count according To its due proportion
FOR the candidate for whom il Is cast.
Under this plan also each citizen will
be able TO vote directly for President
and Nice-Pres;dent separately, and for
Whatever person for each Office he may
think proper. The useless, cumber-
some machinery of the Electoral Col |
lege will ne done away with.
We have no idea that Congress can
mature new plan by constitutional
amendment for counting the Electoral
vote for President ut this election. |
But come what may out of the present
trouble, II will be criminal negligence |
on the part Of Congress not to provide |
for future elections, not merely to |
meet the point of canvassing the vote,
bGt TO cover the whole business of |
elccting the President, the time and |
manner OF taking the popular vote, |
and the manner Of its counting and |
til" declaration of the result. The |
present plan, at the end OF seventy
I've years. has reached that point
where il no longer serves the purpose
for which IL was intended, and, there |
fore, must he remediei Ii we wish TO |
avoid confusion and strife. (Hicnqo |
Tribune.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

Says the Indianapolis Journal:
"The Democratic position In regard
to Oregon is that one elector could fill
the Board by electing two, but two
couldn't fill the Board by electing one.
The beauty Of the claim is intensified
by the fact that the one Democratic
elector who attempted to act was de-
featei by more than 100 votes, while
the two Republicans elected were
elected by that majority.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
GOV. HAYES.
His Speech al Dayton.

Gov. Hayes was serenaded in Day
ton, Ohio, last week Wednes lay eve
ming at the house of a friend, Mr.. Il.
c. Anderson, VII re he was visiting.
Early In the evening salute Of ls5
guns was fired and concourse OF full
ly 1000 people gathered about the
house with music and fire works. The
greatest enthusiasm prevailed, and
the Governor responded as follows:
MY friends, | will not detain you
longer than four or five minutes.
am here on short visit 10 your beau
tiful city of Dayton, not on any politi-
cal mission, or TO talk OH any Of the
political questions Of the remarkable
canvass that has just been closed.
understand these greetings here to-
night are not so much In honor of my
self as on account OF the peculiar in
terest that Is felt in the present con
dition of the country. In the excite
nlent that has prevailed before and
since the election, people OF ardent
temperanicnts have said and done
things that are indiscreet, but, as the
excitement subsidies, we begin to re-
turn to our hettef wisdom aud judg-
ment. have too much faith Iva the
saving common sense Of the Ameri-
can people to think they desire to see
in their country a Mexicanized gov
ernment. Whatever may be the re-
sult at which the lawful authorities
arrive, you ana will quietly submit,
and have sufficient respect and conf
dcnce in the great majority of the OPP
posite party to believe that they will
do the same. ! was glad to see in n
paper this evening an article from the
London Times respecting the condi-
ton of this country. Such state
of affairs il said, could not occur any
where else IN the world. The entire
area Of the country was agitated by
the uncertain issue of the political con
fiict, aud yet not one shot fired, not
one man killed, no breaches of the
peace. We have seen this Centennial
year the wonders OF our growth dis
played In the exhibition OF agricul
tural and mechanical arts, and we are
now afforded an opportunity OF giving
to the world an example Of the value
Republican government.
In speaking to this evening, ! have
referred without previous thought to
what must have occurred to every one
of us standing here, and take my
leave Of yen with most sincere ac-
acknowledgements for this expression o.
your friendship and good will.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

When Chinese bank fails, all the
officers have their heads cut off and
flung into corner with the assets !;
and it has been 500 years since there
was bank failure in that country.
something approaching the Chi
nese system were adopted in this
country, it would he good thing for
the financial honor and monetary
security of the Republic.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

The Toledo BLADE says: "The popu-
lation of Kentucky and Iowa are near
the same in number In Kentucky
one person in every four is unable to
read, and Tilden's majority was 81, ,OS0.
In Iowa only one person in fifty is
unable to read, and Hayes majority
II 50 10. A. the man said, after be
ing run over by freight train, COM
ment Ii unnecessary.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

Mrs. Hynes read that a wash bowl
of water sprinkled with meal would
catch all the mice, and she tried It..
Hynes came home from o procession
at 2 a. III. and took wash. Said he,
"Tilden Endricks! Maria, I've got
'em again."
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

The name of the Chief-Justice OF
Oregon Is w. w. Upton, residing at
Portland, the Capital. He has a
brother, a banker living In Rochester,
n. Y, named c. T.. Upton. This
brother telegraphei to the Chief.Ius-
tice last Saturday, asking whether the
Governor OF Oregon had the right to
declare vacancy in the Electoral
College, and to II it by the appoint
ment OF any one. Here Is Judge Up
toms reply to the dispatch:
PORTLAND, Oregon, Dec. 9th, 1876
[By Telcgraml.-M. c. II. Upton,
Rochester, ". Y: In reply to your
questions, the statute Of this state
authorized Cartwright and Odell to
fill vacancies. Their votes are east
for Hayes and attached to the State
certified under State seal Of Oregon
The Constitution prohibits Executive
exercising judicial functions or pas.
sing on Watts qualification. Grover
only hoped to throw out the whole
vote. lie failed.
fSigned) w. w. UPTON.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

The New York Etening Mail In
quires: "Why do the majority of
brides at the chancel-rail squeak out
the response Il will like q timid
mouse? Why don't they speak out in
meeting like man." They do
eventually, If not sooner.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
OLD SAVINGS.


rs poor as church mouse,
As thin as a rail;
As fat n a rorpoise.
.As rough as 4 gale;
As brave as a lion,
As spry As a cat:
As bright as q sixpenee,
.As weak as rat.
As proud as a peacock.
.ts sly as fox;
As mad As March hare,
As strong as an OK:
A. fair a. lily
As empty as air
AS rich rs n CreaSus,
As cross as a bear.
As pure as an angel.
.ss neat Is pin:
As smart as s;eel-trap.
As ugly as sin:
As dead rs a dcor-naii,
As white as 4 sheet;
AZ fiat az pancake.
As red "a a beet.
As round "a an apple.
As black as your hat:
As brown AZ berry,
A blind as bat:
As mean rs miser.
IS full rs 4 tick:
As plump IA partridge,
A sharp RS stick.
AZ clean az a penny,
As dark as pail;
As hard ~ a milestone.
As bitter as gall:
A fine as a fiddle,
AZ clear as bell:
As dry as a herring,
As deep as = well.
Az light a. a feather,
AZ hard as a rock:
As stiff as n poker:
As calm a. clock:
As green as gosling.
As brisk as 3 hee.
And now let me- stop,
Lest you weary OF me.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21

Rhode Island rejected an Elector
because he was Centennial Commits
sioner. New Jersey had two "sich, /"
but swallowed them beeause they were
Democrats.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
The Best Evidence.

The following letter from Rev. =. 3. Best, Passc'i
,f the NJ. K. Church, Nafick, Mass, viii be read
with interest by many physicians: aiso uose sun
erng from the same disease - afflicted the son o!
the Rev. T. S. b, ,st. No Terson can DOUBT toie tee'
tmony, a. there no doubt about the curative pow
or VI VE9ETiSE,
NAricx, MAss, Jan. Let, 1873.
MR.. II. r. STEVENS:
n.sr sir--W. have good reason fur regarding
yonr VEGRrlNEa medicine of the greatest vaac.
W. feel assured that II has been the means Of eaving
our son,s life lie 10 now seventeen years OF age for
iis ier caused by scrofuous affection. and WAS -
lar ,educrd that nearly all who eaw him thOngnt ne
rsccverv imDoesihle. a council OF able physfcians
Gould ye but the faintcst hope OF his ever rally
;na ,wo 81 the number declaring that be was BE-
vn,,d the reach OF human remedies, that even am
mi. alton could not save him, - ne had DOL slgof
e~,,,o 10 endure the operation. Just then we com.
.cnced giving him vEdETlSR and from that time
10 th~ oreeept be has been continuou-iy improving.
lie has lately resumed etudiee. thrown away hls
crutchse and cane, and walks aSous caesrfuhy
Thonul there h still some discharge frm The 9
c.rin" where his limb was .anccd, we have tbs frlt-
=, conAdepce that In little time he VIII D. perfect
ly cured. ,o,,,.. ~ vEo,
r1iNE hui lately useA but little, - be declares be
a Too vsu 70 bs taking medicine.
Z. 8. BEST.
Nina Lei. BEST.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
Written for the Advertiser.
EAsxls.

By l.. +. ".
heard the silent flowers.
That to the zephyrs nod;
They smiled and softly whispered.
1--WE know there Is God -
] saw them lift their faces
To the blue sky above.
They smiled again, and whispered.
"We know that He is love.
saw their withcred petals
Lie strewn upon the ground,
While Autumn y saElbre footprints
Were scattered all around.
So lovingly they nestled,
That |. too. learned to tr,lst,
For still they smiled and whispered,
I'VE know that God il iusi =
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
Justices.
Physicians.
l.EO. ). rOCElT. N. D.,
C.. Cs,suEcus. ". D.,

PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON. has prste.
1 t.ced tweniN-rSe ears IA this NicinitS
an need uittS AK 4 ctt;,t .1H..lce tbc pah
lie con tidenea hitherto -huwi..
GfTice tn city nrug Store. Residence III
J+iarS ~, opposite Reformed church, Upton
lows. S9al
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
RELIABLE EVIDENCE.

TIE following unsolicited testimonial rom kev.
O. T. Walker, formerly pasior et BoNdoin square
Church, Boston, and at present settled in Proysdencr
shauid fan tu observe that this testimonial II the
rssut OF two YEAR, experience in the rse q VEG
EIINE In the Rev. Mr.. Walkers family, who now
pronounce II invaluable
Providence, r. l., ia Transit stress.
Il. r. STEVENS. ESQ.,:
feel bound 70 express with my eiynatase tne
ily nave used il for the asi mo years In nervous
debility Il h invaluable, aud recommend u 20 al
who may need an invgoratiig, rsnoya1nG eonac.
Formerly Pastor Of Bowdoln Square Church, ,boseoa
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
WHAT IS VEGETiHEp

Ess eo.aponna extracted ro'n hnrks, roofs aud
tnrh. II il Nature. R,laeis. /, is =. ffec;y arm
s- from any bad effect upon tie sssiein II s nonr-
ishing AID strcng,iag. u scts diree,y nleh 'ne
GOOD sweet sleep al night. itna great pn''',ccn for
cur sgcd fathers snd nn;ners. for J: gives mem
srreu. .th. qucts theiv nerves. aud gi'fs ,ral sa-
tur,g sweet sice.,-ss has Been proved II many
an aged person. II lie the great Blood Pariii.s. II
il q soothing remedy tor our children. u nae re.
icved and cured thousands. Ii u very peasahl
ali diseases originating from impure blood. iry
the yEGETlSE. Give II fair Tlal ior yonr
complaints ttrn yon vii, eay foyoar ftchd, ne1gh-
uor and acquaintance. Try 1t; Il Lss cured Lac"
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
Dentist.
pH. CARRIER,
Aucttoneer
|yM. N. kNOTT,

A UCTIONEER Will attend promptly
"A 10 selling all kinds of property at Aac-
tl0n, In any part of Cedar county. a list OF
ais sales will always he found at the TTFToN
ADVERTISER Office where thosA desiring nit
services can fix the day for tnelr sale with
out seeing him.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-12-21
Exchange Office.
Attorneys.
WILLIAM p. WOLF, SANFORD V. LASDr
WOLF 4 l.ANDE,

ATTORNEYS At LAW. TIPrOS. IOWA.
Once I'm iseicheri's w huiiiing. UP stairs
Entrance through city Hal building. 10
New-York tribune., 1876-08-26
SPEAKER RERRS FUNERAL.
INDIANNs AND KENTUCKY's IMPRESSION or RE-
sPgCr TO MS MEMORy-A GRAND PAGEANT AND
ISTFRPSTIyG SERVICES
~ 1At
z. l. W.

NDIANAs AND KENTUCKY's IMPRESSION or RE-
sPgcr 10 MS MEMoRy-A GRAND PAGEANT AND
INTERESTING SERVICES.
NEw-ALBANY, Ind, Aug 25.-Iu the forenoo1
to-day all the business houses in this city were
closed as token of respect To the dead Speaker
Nearly the entire population were on the streets
taking part IN the ceremonies witnessing the
grand pag ant formed by the various societies in the
cty. At the appointed hour the various oryaniza-
tions moved Spring-st., taking their places In
the line assigned them by the chief marshal. Gen.
Scribner There were about 20 Of these societies,
including Masors Odd Fellows, workingmen, the
German societies the ST. Patrick's Benevolent soci-
ety. and Socictc Francase with many Others.
There were also the members of the bar in this city
and Louisville the officers of the City Governments
Of Louisville Jeflcrsonvllc, and New-Albany, the
Congressional escort from Washington, State officers,
and other dignit .res from abroad. The procession
was one of the largest ever witnessed in tins vcin-
ity AID waa only exceeded by the funeral procession
Of GOV. Willard when a large body Of military
from Kentucky and Indiana took part III the obse-
qnirs The arrangements were admirable
Many Of The houses along the line Of march were
heavily drapcd thus tostifying the esteem in which
the honorcd dead was held by the community at
large. Daring the movements of the procession tue
bells Of the city tollod and the streets OF both
tion of the family mansion.
Al hc arrival ot the procession at the house II was
halted, when the funeral services were performed.
The Rev :. Conn of the First Presbyterian Church
preached the discourse from Proverbs xxi, l. The
sermon was a touching cne. When the preacher re-
fcrred 10 the life aud character OF the deceased and
the purity Of character which he ever maintained,
there were audible sobs from many present. The
preacher ptida most eloquent tribute TO the char
acer of the deceased he had learned from the pcO-
pie ,;ho had associated with Mr.. Kerr during his en-
tire life in this city. The Rev. Mr.. Hutchinson Of
the Third prcsbytciian Church assisted Mr. Conn in
the services. The buria-case containing the re-
mains was then removed. Tine procession moved
and proceeded 20 the solemn music of half dozen
bands 20 the Northern Cemetery. At .he grove the
burial rites of the Masonic fraternity observed
by the officers of jefferson Lodge No. I01, OF which
he was a member.
The grounds on which Mr.. Kerr is buried adjoin
those where Gov. Willard is entombed, and form one
of the most conspicuous and beautiful spots III the
cemetery. Among the attendants upon the core
mony were Gov Hendricks and several State officers
and large number If citizens of Indiana, Gen Ekin
and staff of the Department of the South, and
number Of distinguished citizens of Kentucky.
New-York tribune., 1876-08-26
TELEGRAPHIC NOTES.

QUINCY, IL, Aug. 25.-The severe storm Of yester-
day did considerable damage soulh aud west Of mere.
AUGUSTA Ca Aug. 25.-Two companies oi United
troops Atlanta passed through this city day
way gefed c. where they will remain until the
election lakes place
AUGUsr,, Ga Aug 2J.-A negro named Williams,
who assaulted and attempted 70 commit an outrage ars
Bridges Richmond County yeserday arrested by three
white and placed In jail In this city 10 day.
NEw-BEDFORD, Mass, Aug 23.-Libcrty Hall was
crowded OVERLOOKING this evening on the occasion OF the
OF the officers and OF the bark Capa. Thomas
Uassett OF the escaped Fenians, spoke
SAN Francisco, Aug. 23.-Ihe schooner Ocean
sray seized by the authorities
and Portland charged with introducing liquor and
nre-arms among tie natives of Alaska
WHEELING, w. Va, Aug. 25.-lhe heaviest ram
for several years ngP lasting three flooding
Main ST. and causing considerable los 70 rer
city carried away and corn fields are seriously damaged
New-York tribune., 1876-08-26
WASHINGTON NOTES.
WASHINGTON, FRIDAY

WASHINGTON, Friday, Aug 25, 1875
Third Assistant Postmaster-General Barber has Just
issued circular to postmasters calling Their attention
to clause in the Legislative Appropriation bill pro-
ydng that hereafter the transmission OF Internal Reve-
nue STAMPS TO officers OF the Internal Revenue service
shall be made through the mails in registered p.ckages,
and directing postmaSers To receive ana register All
suc provided there be attached 70 each sucn
package postage lamps sufficient To cover tie regular
postage with addition OF 10 cents for REGISTRATION zee
The postage viii bc computed at the fatS o cue cent l
each fractional part thereof Inc postage ana
registration fee be paid in official stamps OF the
Treasury Department
movement has been discovered the part OF several
of personal dcted in connection with the Parkman,
Brooks q Co. fraud to the removal OF various
clerks in the Treasury Department who testified against
them before the Grand Jury and before the committee
OF ngrcss number OF political friends OF these par
ties, and Others who have sustained relations 10 inc
case, assisting in ns matter ahlhg ADVANTAGE Vi
tins reductions progress These politicians nave pre-
fcrrcd fase charges against these persons Dy
OF whch they hope 10 reyenge 'nei1SSiees. @ b
TIE discovery OF the character OF their work VIII proDa
bly, defeat IT,
The Commissioners Of the District Of Columbia, after
careful consideration and estimates OF probable reve
nnes and necessary expenditures OF the District Govern
ment during current fiscal year. have deemed 1t ad
yisabe to reduce the amount for supporting public
schools to S200OO0. The amount expended last year
sisi3il 10 of which Sil 900 was i1r te - et"e,o
the schools can be kept open Only eight moHshs tnis
year.
The parties TO contract with the Secretary Of the Treas
ury for the four and half per bonds and the repre-
sentayes OF the Syndicate In the United states were
Messrs August Belmont ~ Co., Drexci, Morgan q Co.,
and j. X W. Selisnau for the European interest, ana
MessIs. Norton Bliss Co. for the American Interest
The Analostu Club OF this city has invited the
crews OF the Cambridge and Dublin Universities and
the London Rowing Club TO visit this city as their
guests after the conclusion OF the races on the schuy
Kill
Secretary Taft has sent copy OF the proposed circular
10 disrctalOrneys aud marshals In regard TO enforcing
tho election laws to the President at Long Branch IL
will probably be approved by the President and returned
for prUmu CATION early next week.
The recently discharged employees from the Bureau OF
Engraving and Printing, numbering $50 out OF 700,
were to-day paid amount appropriated for that pur,
pose. They received months pay at the rate OF 20
dayt to a month
The expenditures for the internal revenue collection
service for the present fiscal year will fall short Of the
appropriation about $4,000, and not $JOO,O00
errOneously stated.
New-York tribune., 1876-08-26
FIERY ORATORS IN MAINE.

THE CAMPAIGN JUST BEGISNfNG TO BIS ANIIATED-
COL INGERsoiI's OVERWHELMING SPEECHES
BLAINE, CONNER, MOVES, AND OTHERS On rnE
sTUMP.
(yRoM STAFF CORRESPONDENT or THE rRTBUHE.I
WArEgvIrIr. Nc, Aug. 2i.--The most remaIka-
bic features OF the political campaign in this state,
those which likely first TO arrest the attention of
a stranger accustomed to observe and study the pro-
gess OF similar contests have been the tardness OF
its opening and thc apparent apathy OF the people,
thus far i'll it's progress. The Postponcnent OF the
State election i'll North Carolina from August
to November and the failure Of Alabama to fiji It's
Mace in the list Of doubtful States, has promoted
Maine TO position Offrs importance not occupied by
itbefore in auyrecent Presidential contest. NOtthat
the Pine Tree State is IN any respect doubtful one;
il is apparently as certain TO roll up q good round
majority for the Republican candidate Gov Connor,
as the sun is to rise on election day, and moth
ing short of "a political revolution as great
as shat which years ago, in the words
OF the old campaign song, carried Maine
"hell bent for Gov Kent can prevent II. The signs
of such revolution arc nowhere to be seen III the
heavens above or the earth beneath Aud yet
both parties regard the State election in Maine,
which takes place next month, as an event of very
great importance, not as | have already said be-
cause of any doubt that hangs the result of IT,
hat because the size of the majority which it gives,
as il ia greater or less than in former years, may be
the harbinger of greater victories OF more disastrous
defeats in other more important States
have heard no explanation Of the delay in open
ing the contest On the Republican side Senator
Blaine is conducting the campaign with that con-
summate skill and energy which marks all OF his
undertakings, and his long and serious illness may
havo caused him 10 postpone as long as possible the
beginning of the work. He opened the night IN per-
son on Monday of last week, with speech made at
Portland, o report Of which was published at the
time. Two three days later he began to
send his speakers out through the State, and
bv to.morrow eight or ten of them will be making