Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1876-03-31
Humuruus shrtrbss.


\ certain city was about 10 Ge DESTROYED.
The women were allowed to leave. and
were told that they might carry away on
their backs whatever they mos, priscd.
Each woman took man.
y Chicago man owns dog which knows
when Sunday comes. He knows because
on that day his master always gets down
his fishing rod, and leaves the house by the
back door.
Engaging chi!d-"Oh, Mr.. Jinkins. DO
let me see you drink Mr.. Jinkens-
See mo drink What for, my dear -
Engaging child-'Oh, mamma says You
drink like q fish,
On the cards recently issued to silver
wedding at Columbus. Ohio, was the fol-
towing modest warning: please avoid
dollar stores.
A Milwaukee lady who paid fifty dollars
TO have a wart removed from her nose. now
wants TO know what has become of her
nose.
4 Boy, six years old, having been
much lectured by his father on the baby
;shucss of crying when any calamity hap
pened, cbcered the paternal bear: the other
morning By saying Harry Bolton cried
nearly all day cause his father died but
if YOU should die pa, | wouldn't cry bit
Alta public dinner in Boston, some years
ago, Whipple, the esayist, aud SAKE, the
poet, were present as honorary guests. In
the midst Of some what drsultory con.
vsrsatiou between the iwo, Whipplr ex.
claimed -
%, don't mind what SAKE says about
that; he was tipsy on that occasion.
And in what condition were You ? in
Quired the poet.
'Sober-perectlY sober = was the prompt
and sceningly safe reply.
Gentlemen said SAKE. rising To his
feet, glass in hand -'tientlemcn let US
drink to the memorable occasion when
SAKE vas tipsy and Whipple was s"b"r! :
\ LITTLE boy said to his mother the
other morning Ma, had the beautiful
lest dream last night you ever saw.
dreamed tha! wouldn't 20 10 school and
that you went ont into the yard ard cut
gisat long switch. but just as you was 60
ing 10 give me an awful dressin' the world
came to an end Didn't | get out o' It
'asy, thought
DOMESTIC BANKRUPTCY.-H had ecen
telling her for weeks past, SAYS the Detroit
'FfCs Press that times were tight, money
scarce, bankruptcy stalking abroad through
the land. and SO forth, and she consented
20 the discharge of the nuToc glrl, and up
stairs girl, and had wheeled the cook into
doing general housework. That wasn't
onouh. He came home one night and said
he was going to discharge the hOstler that
money had gone up 10 thirty per cent; that
be could not afford TO carry his life insur-
ance any longer; that she mustn't ask for
any more new clothes for year. She
went over the house and piRched expenses
down again, and things ran along until
the other day, when he remarked: We've
got te reduce still. further or burst y She
was pOndsring ever his remarks late that
evening when he came home. He was so
long getting his overcoat of that abe went
into the hail. He gave the coat one awful
jerk iust then and fell over.
What on earth a!s you p she exclaimed
as ths tried to help him up.
'NOzzing,' be replied.
As he got up she peered into his face.
The fact was plain as if it had been writ
ten or a witewashed fence with tar.
He gazcd at her without replying.
Here you've been yelling reduce re-
duce all winter, and while ] atm trying 10
reduce you 20 and get drunk ? You'd bet
ter reduce yodr whiskeyi'
'Di said anything bout REFUGE y he
asked.
Yes, you have
'Whaz want REFUGE for?'
Only to-day you said we'd either got 20
reduce or bust
'Di say zat z
Yes, sou did.
We'll, ju rejuce 2
No: how could I =
Zen didn't bust 2
II WAS HE--A man forty years old
and as loug as rail went into one Of the
banks Saturday to get the cash for sl3
check drawn BY party Twin. in Nankin
township.
You will have 70 be identified, .aid the
ca.hire as he looked at the check.
I'm the man. was the reply.
But don't know that you are
Bat DO
You muss bring SOhas cnc here who
knows you
Dent ] know myself cXclsined the
cheek-teEder
But I must know you. You may bo
Tom Jones for all ksov'
You must Je consarned fool 10 think
! think I'm some one else = grOw!ed tho
nsn IN response.
You must be identified observed The
cashier.
That's NV name, | tell We, aud this il
the, aud if this bank gis me riicd III lick
the hu!l crowd OF YOU over behind the
FsiIng.'
The cashier wouldn't pay, and tho man
couldn't find any one Who knew him, sad
at neon he was waiting 'foT that fe!er who
ssssed bin 10 come ou' - D,'r2t RE,
Press
SIR, asked al attorney, the other day,
.f witness who was testihying in n case
ofassault and battery, have you been in
this court before 2 Yes, sir, said Tie
witness, Il have been here often. All,
been bere often, have you - said the attor-
pey, ia q triumphant tone. Nov tell the
curt what for Well replied the wit
ness slowly, / have been here at least
,lozan ,imps IN arc vor ia .rv ou1 Cpllp,..