The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-06-01
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
HIGH water--twelve cents a quart for
milk.
THE greatest gift of preaching-know-
ing when to stop.
WHEN do two anG two not make four?
When they stand for twenty-five.
A NORWICH man who sells onions is
down in the directory as a dealer in
bulbs.
WHEN a daughter of foriculturist
wants anemone, she goes to her poppy,
of course.
AS SOON as the novelty wears off,
man never wakes baby up for the ptlr-
pose of hearing it laugh.
THE supposed reason why they call a
sensational report g canard is because
one canard-ly believe it, you know.
IT is said the stomachs Of persons iv-
ing on the sea coast, where oysters and
CLAIMS are abundant, rise and fall with
the tide.
Dom PEDRO is anxious to meet the
poets of America. So were we-betore
we went into the newspaper business
Worcester Press.
BURROWS naive answer, when re-
preached for having dissected his sister
in-law, was "Mon Dieu, madam, the
woman was dead"
In China very few women can write,
and, consequently, there is not much
postoffice Irritation between the sweet
sixteen sheathens and heathens.--NOr-
ristoaUa Herald.
YALE has Prof. Beers as we'll as a
President Noah Porter. A college with
Yales, Beers and Porters in-Cider puts
the-malt-o-blush. Beers is greatest on
Hebrew Lager-ithms.
A WESTERN editor met well-educated
farmer recently and informed him that
he would like to have something from
his pen. The farmer sent him pig and
charged him So. rs for it.
He was too solemn; he didn't suit in
Nevada. The chairman of the farewell
committee expressed it well. Said he:
CHOW, you can git, pard; we amt agin
religion out here, and it rifles us to see a
Teller spilin it. Git!"
A wAGG1sH wight "a shrewd one, too)
Once told me that he really knew
girl that put her humOrs off
And ceased to scold, to laugh and SCOT,
To weep and sorrow DER rOmances,
And went no more to plays and dances.
l doubted long-at last he said
''The reason is, the woman's dead"
DOM PEDRO is successfully wrestling
with the American language. He told
the long-winded Mayor of Omaha to
hire a hall, and remarked to Mrs.
Grant, in the idiom of her sex That's
re kind of hairpin 1 am."-NeW York
Graphic.
WE'LL, DOCTOR" inquired an anxious
Troy husband, "and what do you think
is the matter with my wife?" "Oh,
nothing serious !; possibly little humor
of the blood" emo, that can't be, doc
tor, that can't be; she's been out OF hu-
NOR for ten days past.
A MINISTER in one of his parochial
visits met cowherd, and asked him
what o'clock it was. "About II, sir,
was the reply. "Well," quoth the min
lister, ST thought it had been more"
"It's never any more here" said the
boy sit just begins at l again.
"WHAr in the world induces Mrs.
- to wear so manypuffs and fiounces"
said lady at ball, as the person refer
req 10 SW0pG PdSC1 d DAAAOWJ 'AoAOA "a
millinery. "Why," was the reply,
"she has INDUCED so much in fashion
able dissipation that she has the 'delir-
ium trimmings.
A oocKNEY gentleman stepped up to
give his testimony "There was vast
crowd gittin' about i'm, hand one said
the man was killed, hand hanother said
the same hand I hexclaim9d, with
loud voice, sHif the man his killed, why
don't you stand back hand give i'm
little hair 2"
"PApA, me has been baptized, amt
me ~ asked a little three-yesar7,old.
Eyes, dear" "Then, me won't have
to be baptized again ?" enc; but can
Won remember anything about being
bantized p" ST dess I cam" "Weu,
what did the minister do to you?' He
showed up my sleeve, and stuck knife
in my arm.
PRoF. GUzz1EToN Ito Fair Chatter
box1: "Are you aware that our host
has French cooke" Fair Ohatterbox
$50 I hear" Prof. Guzzleton "And
that that French cook is the best IN
London?' Fair Chatterbox $50 1
believe" Prof. Guzzleten Then
don't you think we had better defer all
further conversation till we meet again
in the drawing-room 9'-Pmneh.
VnrE