Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1876-01-27
The Butchery of Character.

as perfect appliances as her pork
packers transubstantiate herd OF
swine. The hairy candidate for
ascension is caught by hook in the
hind leg, hoisted by pulleys; his
throat is cut as be reaches the next
platform no time is allowed him
either to grunt or squeal out his
surprise or satisfaction. Suddenly
he enters a region redhot with cal
ORIG and Kissing steam all at once
he drops his bristly garment and is
metamorphosed into a Caucasian,
and yanked of his insides in twink
ling. All this while the dumfounded
beast imagines that this series of
revolutions is preparing him for some
higher sphere; that these myster-
ious rites are his passport to follow
ship with the "Sons of Malta" the
$1,000 and Ones" or for companion
ship with the genus homo at large.
Before he fully RECEIVERS his senses
he finds his jowls in market stall,
his corporocity dissolved into soap
grease, cracker oil, lard, &c. Even
the reconstruction acts could not
restore him to his former self. Aye,
these Chicago hog annihilators =!
They will yet swindle the devil out
of that drove be salted down for his
own use in that sea-we will not tell
them where, lest we should be Access
sary to the larceny.
The Chicago dailies how they an,
initiate character, reputation, fame,
the entire hope and spiritual nature
of human being-all of him except
his corporal incidents, the lard and
soap-grease that the pork packers
deal in. La the Chicago sham bios a
drove of hogs and drove of bipeds
are dealt with alike. Even the staid
Euening Journal INDUCES in this
sport. 1t lassoed Senator Carpenter
a few weeks ago would have in
sta Rtly put him on lie rack and
W neel, but the Senator begged for
time to arrange his worldly affairs,
and gave bail for his appearances
And how the Tribune fayed poor
Hesing with his retinue of bummers (;
cut their hides into thongs, knotted
| them together stretched them like
telegraph wires through all the
streets of the city, and around it as
lady Dido measured Carthage with
an ox-hide. But the Times beats
them all 1t finds no difficulty in
accounting for the so-csiIed noble,
self-sacrificing, generous, God-like
behavior, attributed to any of the
human family, any time from the
year Adam to the present writing,
as springing from motives of sincere
rascaIity, pure villainy and immacu'
late deviItry. Hear this:
The war of the Rebellion was inaugurate(
and prosecuted as a mere speculation il
whisky In 1861 the tax on whisky was bu
so cents per gallon. So the President anC
Cabinet and Republican members of Congress
and such Democrats as Stanton, Logan anC
Grant, formed gigantic Ring to manufacture
and get the monopoly of a second Deluge, o
this article. They purchased shares in all the
distilleries in the country, enlarged their ca
| pacity, and erected new ones Their fires
glowed fierce and red for six months the
smoke from a thousand chimneys along the
| Illinois river covered the land like pail. You
could smell "mashn and fermentation in tbs
air, and atmospheric currents waited it to the
| Islands of the sea and America was converted
into a continental doggery. When all the
clements that compose whisky were exhausted
from the aerial spaces and vegetable kingdom,
and when the cavernous cellars of the distill~
cries were stocked from top to bottom with
the beverage: when the earth itself was
intoxicated with the enormous draughts in
jected into its belly, suddenly the fires were
extinguished and distillation ceased But
mark the tax actually paid on these infinite
deposits was but so cents per gallon, and sud
denly in the winter Of 62'63, the tax was
raised g per gallon. Nobody could manu-
facture and pay such exhorbitant tax to the
government. So the Ring realized $l.50 pei
gallon on the millions of gallons in the subter
ranean world They, realized enough money
to have paid our war debt and made them all
rich as CrGsus into the bargain. The war was
prosecuted in the interested whisky, and
human blood was discounted for it like green
backs, two and half gallons for one
Truly, truly, the Chicago Times
has discovered the true key to his
tory. All it's great and glorious
deeds and examples can be satisfac.
torily expIaiend on the hypothesis
of deviltry, rascality, villainy. Soc
rates did not die martyr to virtue.
He died with snakes in his boots
from an over dose of rot gut. Daniel
was but Herr Driesbach. He vent
ured into the lions den, not to
Vindicate religious faith, but to stea
a carcass OF mutton from the king Of
beasts. John the Baptist gave up his
head that his lips might press those
of tho virtuous Herodias, and Henry
Ward Beecher hired Til(on to charge
him with adultery that he might get
his salary raised to 100000.