Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1876-07-22

PRENTICE MULFoRp.

! am still married, and intend remaining
10 for some months to come. But marriage
y fearful and risky business NO one
knows what may turn up on either slS.e :
Temper and Temperament are sucn pco' tIa
things. Howevey. "A1 is quiet on ..,r
Potomac The marriage service . h~' n,arrv
been fully written out feop1; s;n~ The
don't know what they are pfoli''
bond should read: - o.. - u.;a
,,~,,,,.r Tor life: you must not, after this
walk or talk with any other woman, If YOU
Are n man. or any other man, If you are a
waman, save in the most circumspect and
guarded manner you must not become in
tcrested in any other woman if you are
interested You must not show it you must
consider your wife or your husband as the
incompatible man or woman in the universe;
there must be none other like unto him Or
her if there be, or you think there be, you
must. if possible, not believe it, or try not
to believe it; you must now be wholly de-
votctito each other; youmust also now lay
aside all remembrances of your old flames
YOU must get rid of the idea that you ever
had any regard for them ; if you had, you
must try and make yourself believe you had
not and if such a notion will stick to you,
you must never mention it to each other, or
there will be a row." .~t~.1. -
Young man and young woman, you think
that the divine intoxication of courtship is
TO last forever! You think its always going
to be an ecstatic pleasure to trudge mile
through mud, and rain to buy Seraphine Ann
q paper of pins. But this state of things
can't last Its too high pressure-it must
cool down. When you are married, and
she is yours and you are hers, and the novel
ty of the affair is over, and you are fairly
settled down into ssold married folks" then
comes the test. Then, if you have been 0
grabbed old bachelor, full of little whims,
habits and peculiarities, as is the fretful pOr-
cupide of quilts, then will come the tug OF
war. Don't YOU recollect how, when single,
and you came home, after some tedious
business, heated, tired, irritable, and dis
g,lsted with the world, and got alone in
your room, that you used to fling books and
backing brushes about, and swear and
thrash around for an hour or two before you
simmered down into comparative calmness?
Well. matrimony won't cure this-at least
at first. But you niustntc cut up so nowI
Even a temporary raving maniac is not a
proper or pleasant person for any young
woman to be shut up alone with And if,
on entering, she sees trouble on your face
and asks you, whats the matter?" and
you reply, sob, nothing because you
don't want to be spoken to, and above, al
things, it annoys and irritates you to be SC
interogated- still she persists in asking
whats the matter?" and still you try tc
say, .'Oh, nothing!" as mildly as you can,
only it won't be said mildly, and it comes of
81
Just then like to bite somebody's head off
oh, won't You at such a time wonder where
the amiability, the oil, the sugar, the honey
the sunshine of courtship, have all gone to
And how viii you feel-you who have beer
ACCUSTOMED to 90 in and out of your vile
bachelors den without inquiry or hinderanct
how will you feel as you start to 90 ou
for the purpose of getting a drink around
the corner, to hear her say, g Where are you
going and this dozen times day? And
every time it is asked you must stand and
rack your brains for new lie And those
girls ON the opposite side of the street who
are always at the window, and with whom,
before marriage, you carried ON sort of
optical firtation-which, to be sure, went
no further than the eyes-how do you feel
now as you catch yourself still looking
into those windows, and find your wife re-
garding YOU in a peculiar manner, and you
know that she knows that you know how
she knows all about your goings-on at those
windows?
But have learned great deal during my
short matrimonial career. / would not have
remained single if only for the sake of the
information I've gained / know now, In
fhefirst place, that ones wife is never in the
least wrong. If there's row, it's you, all
you, and it S every bit your fault You may
labor by the hour trying to make her Own
mp that, there being one pound avOirdupols
OF sixteen ounces of blame between you,
you are willing to take fifteen ounces OF
that blame, provided she will but shoulder
the remaining ounce-and she won't. Wher
she says she will be only five minutes get
ting ready to go ont, it means an hour anC
when she says she's all ready, it means fiji
teen minutes more for putting on the fina
touches. She may never be considered
really dressed until fairly out of the house
and round the corner; and even then the
chances are that she's forgotten gloves OF
handkerchief. If there was bedroom a
mile long, and her entire wardrobe could be
packed In handbook, still you'd find por-
tiOns OF that wardrobe scattered along the
whole mile of dressing room! She's a nice
thing to look at when put together but this
wonderful creation is evolved from chaos
interminable of pins, ribbons, rags, powder,
thread, brushes, combs, and laces!
If there were seven thousand drawers In
your room ana you asked but for one to bt
kept sacred and invlolate for your private
use, that particular one would be full OF
hair pins, ribbons, and soiled cuffs. Some
provision--some protection in this matter
should be inserted in the marriage service.
Emerson lives mostly to himself, both in
body and mind Somebody asked him
why he omitted "Paul Revere's Ride
from Parnassus" He said he never heard
of it, and asked, "Who wrote it 2" ..Why,
Longfellow wrote it! "said the questioner.
Ibid he ?" asked the sage, in amazement
An Englishman called ON Longfellow one
day and asked to see his house, which was
Washingtons headquarters at Cambridge.
He showed him through courteously, and
the visitor expressed much satisfaction, and
begged to know his hosts name z" LOngfel-
low" said the poet, not unreasOnably ex-
pecting some recognition. '.Ah, indeed an
American" But worse even than that is the
story of some Cambridge tourists who asked
the car conductor to show them LowelHs
house He said he didn't know the name.
"James Russell Lowell, !" explained the visi-
tors. The man shook his head; 'stheres a
baker down town by the name of Lowell, y