The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1876-01-12
MELANGE.

Ann Eliza's. alimony has ceased
to be "Young's Night Thoughts"
The lesson Of the Whisky Ring
Exposures = Always take your
whisky-internally.
Courtship and the coal question
A statistician estimates that court
ships average three tons Of coal each.
Before marriage young ladies de-
vote themselves to fineries; after
marriage they have to think of the
groceries.
The Rev. DR.. SchereschewsEy has
gone to China as a missionary. They
can't swallow him at mouthful, any
how.
The Due D'Aumale is 5S. The
Princess Thyra is p. And yet
Madam Rumor says they promise to
be 1.
If. the starch were to be taken out
of the faces of some people and put
into our shirts, how few rows there
would be with laundresses.
''Is that cheese rich p asked Bogg
Of his grocer. YES" was the can
did reply, .'there's millions in it.
Probably one of the most trying
times in a mans life is when he in-
troduces his second wife, seventeen
years old, to his daughter, who is
past twenty.
The look man gives his wife,
when he suddenly awakes in the
morning and finds her going through
his vest pockets, is not a studied ex-
preston. but is excellent in its way.
"Will you please insert this obitu-
ary notice p asked an old gentleman
of q country editor. II make bold
to ask because know the deceased
has great many friends about here
who'd be glad to hear of his death.
s'Kisses by the Seai' is the title
of new song. But we should think
such kisses would be rather cold
comfort this sort of weather. An
experienced young man says they
taste better by the parlor fire. And
we believe him.
An Iowa farmer, who has five girls,
takes each one in turn Sunday after
noon and rubs her teeth with an on
ion. aud. as he quietly remarks, '.none
of 'em ever has a beau a second
time. yisss gss -H m
Figures won't lie- unless they
happen to be on gas metre, and then
they will stand out so innocent-like,
and Munchausen the very lining from
your pocket-book. Hl
Irish Builder ito laborers aloft:
! GLOW manyos yez is there up there r
Laborers Gin chorus): Three P'nIrish
Builder: "Shure, that's too many;
half of yez come down at ouce IT,
"Joshua," said q Yankee mother
to her hopeful at breakfast, what's
an heir-apparent?7 e"There's one
on the butter, mother," said the un-
filial yonngster. And the old lady
g lit' Upon him with the coffee-pot.
The gossips tell story of West
Albany woman who was purchasing
some cups and saucers last week, to
the effect that when asked what col
or she would have. replied, "Why, L
amt particular, any color that won't
show dirt" s'ia q
Now pick almanacks. They are
dead ripe. and are worth about two
and a half cents a pound, rag meas
ure. None genuine unless branded,
1876" Ask your druggist for that
kind and take no other. d -
/. Yes. women are unreasonable, and
you may have remarked that when
one or them sits down in a new silk
dress on a chair where neighbor's
child has carelessly deposited two
cents worth of taffy, she will go on
about it just as bad as if il were two
dollars worth. "a
They were talking of death re-
Gently, when one man asked: What
were lis last words p .sIIe didn't
say anything, was the reply.
THAT was just like him., said the
first man, with an approving nod
'sthere was no gas about :him. He
was all business"