Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-11-10
WHOLE NO. 300.
FACT AND FANCY.

palu IN lawyers 1ees ana otner EXPENSES
100000.
A daring English scientist comes forward
and says that the centre of tho earth is not
in q molten state.
Two Kentuckians have wagcred their
boards of twenty years growth on the re-
suit of the presidential election.
Charles Van Lew of Linden, New York,
who is now II years Of age, weighs only IL
pounds and is II inches high.
You can tell a married man now evc,y
time by the agitation he displays at the
sight of an empty coal scuttle.
A young man from the country being
asked at restaurant what he wished for
dinner, replied, Something to eat aud
napkin"
An Atlanta girl carried out the theory of
"squatter sovereignty by sitting on her low
er's hat and keeping him three hours over
time.
An establishment at Jancsvile, Wis, has
made $4,000 bushels of cucumber pickles,
and converted 10000 heads Of cabbage into
sour.kraut.
Brigham Young is said to be losing his
mind. Poor fellow, let us remember that he
has a hundred and thirty-two wives to match
worsted for.
A mans sectarian bias is like the crook
in dogs tail--it cannot be eradcatod, and
every man should be allowed to wag his own
popularity in peace
One million Americans are carrying load
ed ca ues to hit vicious dogs with, and yet no
one hears of dog being injured. Either
the canes or the dogs are failure.
Don't you think you have prodiudce
against the prisoner ?" asked lawyer of u
witness. "Yery likely was the reply,
"l've caught him stealing two or three
times"
In Quebec the other day clergyman
seized a bride as security for the non-pay-
ment Of his fee by the impecunious bride
groom, and the husband had to give security
for the Sl.25 ere he could obtain his spouse.
"Is Greece in Turkey ?" asked small
boy of his father at the breakfast table.
"Why, no, what makes you ask such a fool
ish question:" responded the father. 10
which the boy replied, 81 thought all turkies
had grease in them" He was ordered to
leave the table at once.
In his "Confessions of Drunkard," Chas.
Lamb says "Is there no middle way be-
tween total abstinence and the excess which
kills you For your sake, gentle reader,
and that you may never attain to my exper-
iencc, with pain | must utter the dreadful
truth that there is none-none that | can
find
A Boston woman prepared to clope, but
when her husband, hearing of her intention,
came forward with his check book and Of
fered her money to pay her expenses, while
his cheek was Illuminated with unbounded
joy, she reconsdered the matter and concu-
ded not to 60. 1t took all the romance a.
way.
A "great curiosity" on exhibition at Bal
timore is a cat with three legs This is an
improved'sort of cat, and more desirable than
the four legged kind but what the country
wants in that line is cat with no legs-one
that will be unable to get over four fences
and several yards away before the missile
you heave at it it strikes the shed where it
was sitting and singing only a second before
Pat bought sleeps head, was writing
down the receipt fer cooking it, when dog
made off with it. Pat gave chase, shouting,
"CoBo back with me sleeps head ye robber.
ye !" but after a stiff run he had to give in,
dead beat when he consoled himself with
the remark, "Nover moind he hasn't got
the resate."
Here approacheth the chrome in politics
A candidate for the Legislature in Mime
sofa, one Magofin by name, has presented
to every voter in his district "a beautifully
engraved map of the district. From maps
to chromos it is but short step, and it
may be the time is not far distant when
every reputable candidate will canvass his
district with wagon load Of pictures ut his
back.
An cnterprising Yankee, whose reverence
for historic landmarks is only equallod by
his zeal in selling groceries and provisions,
advertises in Boston paper that his store
was built in 1902 as city market, and
that Lafayette, during the soige, stopped
there one day with his staff and ate bread
and cheese on the counter. Boston was be-
seiged before the structure was erected and
Laiayatte was not in America during the
seigc. But no matter; the grocer is there
now, ready to sec his customers every morn
ing,
1t is sail that the late Mr.. Peabody with
all his prodgaity in works Of benevolencc,
looked closely after his pence. He hated
nothing more than the notion Of being taken
in, and it was rare indeed that any trckstcr
could make the boast. On one occasion
when travelling in Ireland he was greatly
annoyed at what seemed an eXtoriionate de-
mand on the part Of a car driver, and he
accordingly resented the attempt at impos-
tion by giving the man his bare legal fare.
After looking at the coin for few seconds,
Pat began to laugh. "Bedad" says he,
"thoy may call you Mr. Paybody, but call
you Mr.. Payuobody."
Thirty years ago, in California, men would
flock in crowds to catch glimpse of that
rare spectacle woman. Early one morn
ing it was noised about in the Canon Camp
that woman had arrived in the night.
Everybody went to the camping ground, but
only the hem of calico dress was visible
"Fetch her out, We want to see her" said
the rough miners to the husband, only wio
is sick" said he "we have been robbed by
the Indians, and we want rest" "Fetch her
out, was the only reply. She came to the
door, they swung their hats, gave three
cheers aud tiger, collected $4,000 in gold,
gave it to her, choered again, and went
home satisfied.
A few mornings ago recently arrived
stranger from New York, who had been out
for a stroll, came back to the hotel rubbing
his eyes, and very much disguised. lie at
once addressed the clerk:
"You have a great deal Of dust here in
San Antonio?'
"Y.a.s" drawled the clerk; "sufier demni-
bly, from it myself"