The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-05-18
All Sorts.

All Sorts. -
4 wedding trip-falling over the brides
g train. n.y. IS
! Long finger nails might be called hahti,
!. spikes.
: The only fresh news from Detroit is the re-
l port OF corner in salt. 81
For dollar in scrip man can now get q
better half and new quarters for the Centcn,
NAL year. 5a
l Robert Dale Owens new play. ssSixteen
Hundred and Seven,' y is of some count.
An old farmer once said. with more truth
than elegance: "There are two talks in this
world to one do.' sf5-5,s
. Said justice to an obstreperous prisoner on
trial: s'We want nothing but silence, and but
: little of that
Among. the unfathomable mysteries OF ma
, ture, none are SO inserutabie as, the age OF a
lobster or woman.
Moses Stocking is candidate for land COM
missioner to Nebraska. Some Of the people
: say darn him. 80
Professor C.-Mr.--. what will be the eff
ect if hold a piece Of calcte in the blow-pipe
11ame?" Student-stIt will get lot.'
In a debate, rather pull to rieces the arg,,-
ment of thy antagonist than offer him any OF
thy own; for thus thou wilt fight him in his
own country a
Why don't Secretary Robson have hash
| introduced into the navy a+a means of deadly
warfare? It's the very best thing in the world
| to repel boarlers.
ssLandlord, did you ever have gentlman
stop with YOU before % s'Are you a gentle
man ?" Eyes, ann. .sThen never had one
| stop with me BEFORE"
! We learn from the Popular Science Months
ly that animals have consciences. Happy
thought-put them in charge OF the public
| funds. H
| A bricklayer recently died in London who
] was found to have the heaviest brain on record;
! it weighed slxty-five ounces. The man could
neither read nor write.
ga solid man ~ The Cardiff Giant--[Chi-
cago Tribune. 1t is scarcely necessary to add
| that the Cardiff giant is at present resident
of ST. Louis.
A man who bought one thousand Havana
cigars this week. on being asked what he had.
replied that they were tickets to q course or
lectures to be given by his wife.
DIR. Hall says that if you wake at night with
heavy feeling about the pit of the stomach,
you should turn on the gas and it will become
light Immediately. Easy to try.
The London Era in recent notice saws.
Especial praise is due to Miss, and to,
the prompter.'' Which is neat way of con-
demning performance with one exception.
An anxious exchange inquiries, els this ma
ton as bad us it seems?" O, of course not:
the thieves and robbers don't mean anything
by It, It's all chaff, chaff,
''Why is it, queriel Quiz the other day,
1t.
who is bald-headed yon naturally turn to look
at the muscular power of his wife's hands?''
The most independent Of men in these tim
es, 'says an exchange. "are the pawnbrokers."
That's so. And, in this regard, they may be
said to stand loan.
There are 5000 school houses i'm Michigan
and more than 5000 petty school mains. it
would take large flock of sheep now to kick
up the sensation that Mary's little lamb kicked
up years ago.
Sheridan Shook has two or three hotels. two
theatres, q concert garden and u brewery
Those who know say that he can cast mp his
figures at about S2,000.000. Fifteen years ago
he was selling butter by the pound in Wasl,-
ington street.
1t is now stated that A. Il. Stewart contrac-
ted his death in the dampness of his marble
palace We always thought marble palaces
were unhealthy. and now our frelnls will nm
derstand why we don't live in one.-Norris-
toUn Herald.
Here's an argument in favor OF cheese. Prof.
Peck says that in this country, where cheese Is
least used, one physician to every 800 persons
is required. sIn Switzerland, and countries it
is most used, only one physician to 10000 per-
sons.
About this time when woman goes to tha
G AZ
seen anything of the claw hammer?" it is curl
Gus to see with what agility her husband will
get into his clothes, skipping button after but
ton, and bounce for the front door,
A Towanda, Pa. sign reads thus: ssJoln
Smith-teacher of cowtillions and other dances
.gramer taught in the nsatest manner-fresh
salt herrn on draft-izewise Godfreys cordial
-rutes sassage and other garden truck.-N. B.
bawl on frida nite-prayr meeting chuesday
also salmesinging by the quire.
Until the reign of the Empress Josephine
a handkerchief was thought in France so
shocking an object that a lady would never
dare to use it before any one. The word was
ever carefully avoided In refined convers;-
ton.
The flowers most used ON bonnets are boules
de neige, white violets, gillyfowers and prim-
roses. They are arranged in garlal1S. some
Times cover the crowns, Oh are placed oil in
sprays.
Said Brooklyn wife to her husband: the
other day
elf you fail to produce me tue money fora
new spring hat in three days, you will be the
most astonished man that ever lived in this
world"
When he awoke the next morning he found
his wife in the fressing-room ex, rcising with
dumb-hels. The money was s'pro laced" that
night.
The N. Y. Commercial Advertiser calls at
bention to the fact that tho Goddess of Liberty
on the dome of the City Hall has had her face
painted. There is nothing like being in the
fashion, as the Advertiser says; but should
they undertake to put a hustle and pull back
oil tie Goddess, an outraged public should risu
up AID cry shalt -
Healthy Labor in the Garden.