The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-05-11
WHOLE NO. 1909.


An Irishman once ordered . pAintsrt 10
draw his picture aud represent him
standing behind tree.
five may believe the Western papers,
when the land IL ticklcd with . hoe u
laughs with potato bugs.-lNew York
Herald.
Mr. Beecher Last Sunday expressed the
opinion that "the Lord will protect his
own" That 10 why he wears = lightning
rod over hi, ehimney.-l0raphic
A Granger writes 10 a rural paper 70
AJAX how long cows should be MIXED z
Why. the same a. short cows. Of course
New York Commercial Advertiser.
A shrewd old Yankee said he didn't
believe there was any downright cure
for laIineaa In = man. But" he added,
I've known a second wife 20 hurry u
some"
SsrvGnt-"PleAss. sir. We Ain't got no
bread. and the baker says he won't trust
you any longerr' IrAts Hibernian-
The name bastei No breadf Bedad.
then. ] must have toastf'
DR.. Hall says that people sometimes
take cold through their ears. This cx. =.
plains why . Milwaukee man always
stuffs his ears up with horse blankets
and buffalo robes in damp weather
lChicago Times.
A subscription paper uaa lately eirou-
lated with the following object In view
we subscribe and pay the amount set
against our names for the purpose OF
FmwtwW NhG AwwantaN aaA 49, n HInaW
the sameF
An Irish agricultural journal adver.
tises a new washing machine under the
heading Every man his own washer.
woman" aud its culinary department
says that potatoes should always be
boiled in cold water.
New Mexico is 10 be admitted into tie
Union under the name Of "Montetuma."
more appropriate name, considering
the prevailing weakness Of the inhAbi.
tants. would be "Threeca ardmoniesuma.
-[ChieAgo Times.
A fashion chronicler says old lace is
more fashionable aud more worn than
new. too. aud u "a hoped the time viii
soon come uhsn they viii be more fAsh.
ionable.-l Norristown Herald.
An Elderly wicklow maiden. Who had
suffered some disappointment thus de.
6nes the human race; Man-a conglom.
crate mass Of hair, tobacco smoke. eonfu.
sion, eonecit and boots WomAn-the
waiter. perforce. on the aforesaid animal
A Minnesota lady. In taking her morn.
ing cape lately. put her jav out Of joint
and it was two days before the doctor
could get IL In place again. Her hus.
band says be hasn't bad such q vacation
since his married life began New York
Commercial Advertiser.
A Trenton editor makes the statement.
for the good Of correspondents. that they.
need not commence their oommuniear
tons, Il take my pen In hand, a. be
don't care whether they writo with their
toes or with the pen in their mouth. 30
they send the news
Much has been said about the go
ahead. .itivencss Of the Western people,
but there IL many = man IN the region 81
Chicago who has been known 20 stop
short in the midst Of an important Job
just 10 watch an Illinois girl trying 20
climb hay stack Brooklyn Argus.
A Ansu,paper published in Bolton. Fog.
I
ment Wanted. Immediately. an idle.
drunken carter. The advertiser has bad
90 many sober carriers that be wants
change: but a moderately sober one
would not be objected 10. Inquire. etc.
Do you imagine when you see one Of
those broad d-chested statesmen get up In
his place on the hoor Of the House Of
Representatives. that your soul 10 about
TO be aroused BY burst of sonorous elo-
quence. lie carrie. bis paper of chewing
tobacco In his coattAil pocket. and is Too
fat TO reach u without rising
A train was carrying clergyman aud
eve or siH youths who kept seoiinE 81
religion aud telling disarrecAble stories.
The good man endured u all. simply re-
marking as he got out we shall meet
again. my children" why shall We
meet again y said the leader Of th. band.
'Beeause ] am = prison chaplain. wss
the reply.
An editor 10 described a. q man who is
liable 10 crying babies. grammatical
blunders. tooth ache. typographical er-
rors.. and lapses Of memory. and has 25..
600 people watching 10 catch BIN trip.
ping-a man Of sorrow and acquainted
Win kNANA E0@NAN ImA1f N@@AAN N@AA&A@A@9H
yet envied By many and despised. per
haps. By some Of the great men be has
made.
Some one says The great objection 10
smart children is. that when they com
msnee having uhisksrs they leave OF
having brains. Boys that are philoso-
piers At siH years Of age are generally
blockhsads al tuenty-one. By forcing
children. you get 90 much into their
heads that they become cracked In order
10 hold a.
Milton, that glory Of British literature.
received 40 AZ two different payments
for the copyright Of Paradise Lost !"
yet Mr. Hoyle. author Of . treatise on
the game Of whist. after having disposed
OF al the frat impression. sold the copy.
right 10 . bookseller for 200 guinsas.
A man in the habit Of travelling. com.
planning 10 his friend that be bad often
been robbed. and was afraid Of stirring
abroad, was advised 10 carry pistols With
him on his Journeys "oh that would
be worse" replied the hero. "the thieves
would rob me Of them also.
She merely lsft q tub fall Of suds on
/ the back steps. and be went out after
I dark for a ,cuttle Of coal. and 40 he step.
/ ped into the Tub and Aid down into the
I back yard In a shower Of suds be swors
. by ali the classic gods and By seventeen
I Japanese saints that be would have .
divorce within = month Il Rome ssuii'
mel
Please send me one broom. aud see
that the handle is stronger than the iast
one was. wrote . woman on May street
TO her husband last week. In hand foil
Of character. ner husband protends
that be hit his head against the door In
she dark Chicago Trihane.
Nothing viii dry woman, eyes and