The Manchester journal. [volume] (Manchester, Vt.) 1861-current, 1876-05-11
STATESMAN .tFFEHISos,
Tut FATE oF Mg. srRrFcB, WHO UtN fau
ugFeE. ANp royNp otr All ABOUT
ms rAsr uEpEp.
n, - !. B. - - -


ed this forrownl story 10 tho ear o. az
attentive and sympathetic listener
Z No, sir, I'll never run fer otiec again
said Mr.. Stretch. You know when they
came aud asked me II Ia accept III nom
inaiion to the legislature they told me The
whole community wanted me TO run, aud
that was certain 10 be elected, because
4 was man whose character was 50 good
that nobody could iul fault with Il,
thought so myself aud agreed 10 run
and accordingly they nominated me
| Wen, sir, the next morning the Argus
came out with an assertion that had
been detected stealing chickens, and il
gave a full history Of tbe case, together
with pictures OF the chickens, aud afieT
darkly limiting that since abandoning that
line Of tbieving ! had heeu continually
engaged in other forms OF robbery, II
asked lthe people of this State II they
wanted TO SEQ a chicken thief making
laws for them. Aud the dickens Of il Is |
did hook a couple Of chickens from my
grandmother's coop when was small
boy, but how'n the thunder they found
it out beats me; il was iiily.two years
ago.
Now look at my nosel IL amt much
of nose for bsauty,is il? know well
enough that It's crooked. But nobody
ever alluded to IL until was nominated,
and then the Argus said that there was a
tradition that | had tho nose mashed
around sideways during my career as a
prize.fghter, although some people Insist
cd that ! had run it against door when
| was drunk. And then all the illustrat.
ed papers in the State began to publish
| pictures OF me with q nose like tho ib
sheet of an oyster sloop, only twisted
around sideways; aud one OF them said
that when ! sneezed on tho front porch
the concussion acted like boomerang
aud blew the back door open.
And then they tackled me about my
war record. You know | was out with
the militia. And the Argus published a
letter from man who said that at the
battle of Gettysburg | was bid in refrig-
orator in cellar in town, pretending
was ordered there to mount guard over
some rations Of cold beef. And the Ar
gus asserted that the only mannuyre
was ever good at was falling back; that
whenever the enemy was supposed TO be
approaching always made a bee line for
Nova Scotia, and never turned up till af-
ter the fight but once, and then we were
surprised, and | fred my musket so
wildly that shot our own colonel in the
leg, and surrendered to an Irishman, be-
longing to our own regiment, who came
up to me for chew of tobacco. To tell
the truth, wasn't much of fighting
man, but how in the mischief they found
out about that refrigerator gets me. Aw-
full, isn't III | wouldn't have minded II
SO much, but they got out poster and
headed 1t "Stretch's War Record y with
a picture of me, with lop.sided nose,
sitting beside that refrigerator, gnawing
a bone of the roast beef.
And then, as the campaign went along,
they accused me Of having delerium tire.
mems, of beating my wife, of wiping my
nose on my sleeve, Of robbing bank, OF
selling my dead aunt to medical coll
lege, and of holding the doctrine that the
whale didn't swallow Jonah, and that
when Moses crossed the Red Sea he pad
died over In a boat. The Argus said ri
my wife dared to tell how | treated her
the community would be filed with hor-
ror, but anybody might see for themselves
"'nk hair was all thinned out,
'hat her - a wen on my leg
and 1t said that / h44 anyhow.
that untitled me for active dut,
even IL had not forfeited all claim to :
public confidence by turning my grand.
father out of doors when he was dying Of
and then setting my dog
on him, aud making the aged man roost
in a mulberry tree on the coolest night
last winter, for fear Of being eaten up.
People began to avoid me on the street
and the impression began TO prevail that
! was desperate and hardened villain.
might have stood that, but you know
the way they levied on me for expenses
was awful There was that brass band.
| kept that baHd In luxury for three long
months And II used 10 come around to
serenade me three nights 10 the week,
waking all the dogs and babies IN the
lost two hundred votes
IN consequence Of those wakcned babies
Then the clubs would come and call me
out for a speech, aud when would get
through | would have to ask them in to
feed, and they would stay there and howl
.ill four O'Clock in the morning, and get
drunk, and fight and smash the furniture
and bleed over the carpets. Then they
would assess me for mass meeting and
adjourn. lhauded out cash, for posters,
Tor bands, for rum, aud barbecues, and
Gre works, and t0rcbligbt processious,
nod transparences, aud for nags, aud the
Argas al the time accusing me Of buying
Up votes and having repeaters 10 my pay.
The night Of the election the brass band
lnd the club came around 70 cougratu.
ate me on my snccess, and after having
! Gnai spree and concluding riot 10 the
7arior, ! went 10 bed, glad lad won,
anyhow. The fret thing saw IN the
Argus the next morning was the sp.
louncement that The hoary-beaded chick