The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-03-18
BUBBLES.
"A great Compensatory.

second wife.
-Icemen's chorus" Shall we gather at
the river?''
"A bad Style of Arithmetc-D Division
among families.
"A circular saw--a proverb that goes
the round of society.
When are eyes not eyes? When the
wind makes them water.
Why is mouse like a load of hay p
Because the cat Il eat it.
-Sweetenng ones coffee is the first
stirring event of the day.
The ties that connect business men
with the public-Adver- tise.
Even in the hardest times clocks en-
ploy their regular number Of hands.
The higher classes-the &C. lore" classes.
| The lower classes-the g hire" classes.
The proverb says, Laugh and grow
fat What saving of corn it would be if
pigs could laugh.
The reason there is so much assassna-
, ton in Spain is because the Spaniards are
such a sassy nation.
Speaking Of becoming attire, what
thing is most likely to become a woman?
Why, little girl, of course.
The most bashful girl we ever knew
was one who blushed when asked if she
had not been counting sleep.
"A man out West was offered a dish of
macaroni soup, but declared they 'couldn't
play off any billed pipe stems on him."
When a young voyager makes his way
to the top of the Pyramids, we presume he
is enjoying the benefits Of foreign climb
1t is said that the racing of rderless
horses is to be revived at the carnival in
Rome. The number of horses so allowed
to roam is not stated.
Among the conditions Of sale by an
Irish auctionecr was the following: 1.-The
highest bidder to be the purchaser, unless
some gentleman bids more
-"Ain't it wicked to rob dis here roost,
Gumbo; we amt got time to consider it
nO1o-hand down another pullet."
-" My dear doctor, said an Irishman,
cts no use your giving ME an emetic.
tried it twice in Dublin, and it would not
stay on my stomach five minutes"
A Kentucky paper, in reporting we'd
hril Wa
larly handsome, but the father threw in
seven mules, and the husband was satisfied.
=" Why do you use paint ~ asked
violinist of his daughter. " For the same
reason that you use rosin, papa" How
is that 90 "Why, to help me draw my
Beau
Some sensible chap says, truly, that
person WHO undertakes to raise himself by
scandalizing others, might just as well sit
down on a wheelbarrow and undertake to
wheel himself.
"A New Jersey man, having heard that
Columbus was in Ohio, Immediately start
ed out West to interview the "old man"
about the voyage which resulted in the
discovery of America.
"A little boy in Maine entreated his
mother to tell him some stories about bad
boys, and upon her expressing astonish-
ment, said he @ wanted to find out how
they got out of scrapes."
Many man who would roll up his
eyes in terror at the idea of stealing a
nickel will swoop down on a silk umbrella
worth $40, and march off with his lips
moving peacefully as if in prayer.
Forward and loquacious youth: "By
.jove you know-upon my word, now-if l
were to see IA ghost, you know, l would be
chattering idiot for the rest of my life."
Ingenious madden" Haven't you seen a
ghost p
AT the marriage of an Alabama wild
over one of the servants was asked if his
master would take bridal tour: "Dunno,
sab: when ole missus's alive he took pad
die to her; dunno if he take a bride to de
new one or not
-'Some Internal idiot has put that pen
where l can't find it % growled Old Asper-
ity, the other day, as he rooted around the
desk. Ali, um, yes, thought So" he
continued in a lower tone, as he hauled
the article from behind his ear.
Counsel occasionally are little unin-
telligible, as when one asked, q" Mr.. Wit
ness, where were you when you saw that
whistle sound ~ And another: "How
did he seem to get out of that wagon-of
his own accord, or jumped ont, or volun-
tarily, or how?'
No WONDER THE WOMAN WAS CRANKY.
A left.hauded man on North Hill rushed
out yesterday afternoon to chain pump to
get a bucket of water. He made some i'll
natured remarks about men making pumps
wrong side to and commenced to grind.
He turned and turned and turned, and
ground and ground, and stopped and rested,
and talked softly to himself, and ground
again, and kicked the pump, and took off
the lid and looked down into the cistern,
and put on the lid and sat down to think,
ana got IN ana turned Iue crank anu sweat
and kicked the pump again, and there hung
that bucket as innocent of moisture as an
independent political reformer of truth
And there came Il woman to the back
door, and voice fell like falling star:
"Turn that crank the other way, you
stupid thing or you won't get any water
to night.
AN EASY QUESTION TO ANswER.-One
of our citizens is blessed, or otherwise,
with very stubborn wife. In his case he
finds that when a woman will she will,
You may depend ont, and when she won't
she won't, and that's an end ont This
popularity Of disposition in his wife is no
secret among his associates, and one of
them meeting him the other day asked:
CIV, do YOU know why you are like
donkey?'
Like a donkey echoed W, open
ing his eyes wide. "No, don't"