The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-08-31
What smiths Boy said.


A family named Smith has recently
moved to Germantown, and Mr..
Browns boy, on Saturday, leaned
over the fence and gave to our re-
porter his impressions OF Mr.. Smiths
boy, lad about fourteen years old:
"Yes, me and him are right ac-
quaiuted nov; he knows morc'n |
do, and he's had more experience.
Bill says his father used to be rob.
Der (Smith, by the way, is deacon
in the Presbyterian church and very
excellent lawyer, and he has GO,
$1O,0o0,0o0 in gold buried in his cell
lar, along with whole lot Of human
bones, people he's killed. And he
says that his father is conjurer, aud
that he makes all the earthquakes
that happen anywheres in the world.
The old man'll come at night, after
there's been an earthquake, all c0v-
cred with sweat, and so tired he kin
hardly stand; Bill says it's such hard
work.
And Bill tole me that once when a
man came around there trying to sell
lightning rods, his father got mad
and ct him, ct him right up, and he
takes bites out Of everybody he comes
acrost.
That's what Bill tells me. That's
all | know about it. And he tole me
that once he used to have dog, one
Of these little kinds Of dogs, and he
was flying his kite, and just for fun
he tied the kite string onto his dogs
tail. And then the wind struck her
and the dog went boomin' down the
street, with his hind legs in the air
for about mile, when the kite all Of
sudden began to go up, and in
about fifteen minutes the dog was
fifteen miles high, and commanding
view of California, and Egypt, and
Oshkosh, l think Bill said. He came
down anyhow, | know, in Brazil, and
Bill said he swum home all the way
in the Atlantic ocean, and when he
landed his legs were all nibbled off
by sharks.
wish father'd buy me dog, SOS
| could send him up that way. But
l never have no luck. Bill said tha.
where they used to live he went out
on the roof one day to fly his kite,
and he sat on the top of the chimbly
to give her plenty of room, aud while
he was sitting there thinking about
nothing, the old man put a keg Of
powder down below in the fireplace
to clean the SCOT out of the chimbly.
And when he touched her off, Bill
was blowed over agin the Baptist
church steeple, and he landed on the
weathercock with his pants torn, and
they couldn't get him down for three
days, so he hung there, going round
and round with the wind, and he
lived by eating the crows that came
and sat on him, because they thought
he was made Of sheet iron and put up
there on purpose.
He's had more fun than enough.
He was telling me the other day
about sausage -stuifer his brother
invented. 1t was kinder machine
that worked with trealle; and Bill
said the way they did in the fall was
to fix it on the pigs back, and then
the hog'd work the treadle and keep
on running it up and down until the
machine cut the hog all up fine aud
| showed the m eat into the skins. Bill
said his brother called it "Every Hog
His Own Suffer-" and it worked
splendid. But don't know. Pears
to mes if there couldn't be no ma
chine like that. But anyway Bill
said so.
And he told me about an uncle Of
his in Australia who was ct by q big
oyster once, and when he got inside
he staid there until he'd ct the oys-
ter. Then he split the shell open
and took half a one for boat, and he
sailed along until he met sea SER
pent, and he killed it and drawed off
its skin, and when he got home he
sold it to an engine company for a
hose, for $4,000, to put out fires
with. Bill said that was actually SO,
because he could show me a man who
used to belong to the engine COM
pany. / wish father'd let me go and
find sea serpent like that; but he
don't let me have no chance to dis.
tinguish myself.
Bill was saying only yesterday
that the Indians caught him once and
drove eleven railroad spikes through
his stomach, and cut off his scalp, anc
it never hurt him bit. He said h.
got away by the daughter Of ths