New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-08-06
Nasty.
Nasty and Issaker Gaviit Go 70 Indiana
en- Political MissiOn-The Mistakes
They Made and the Dire Result.

| C0SFEDRIT y ROADS,
Nith is il the State Kentucky.
! Jooly Is, 1876
| Man is Nv but few days and full "
| trouble. ! can't understand why life shoult
be sucn a conundrum; l can't understand
why things shOOdent go on with more per
feet lOosenis and an easier AIT. In short
why shoodent everybody, except the blacl
Republicans, Eev precisely wat they wan
without all this trouble and perplexity Il
| git it?
| Feein it to be my dOoty to Go suthin in
the interest Nv "Tilden and Reform"
conclOOded to spend a porshen Nv thu
money that John MOrrissey left with me
| to lDttoOence voters in a lower county il
| Injeeany; and, to do it ttfecrooally, mad,
| perfect preparashen beforehand, and mad,
| SIGH arrangements ez wood result in a
| proper demonstration Nv the soOperiority
Nv "Tilden and Reform" over Hayes anl
| Wheeler.
Ez he'd to do the speekin, intended il
to be effective l wantid that my worl
shoOd count for the coz, and be seed tina,
shOOd result in glorious harvest in Novem
| Der
| hev ailuz notised that eff a Speaker kr
! be interrupted at the rite tiIse. and eff the
| Teller wat interrupts happens to ask gues
! ton on witch the speaker is perfectly postid
| mis- prompt anser alluz put the queetioner
| or inuerrupter, to hite, and wins for the
| Speaker the sympathy of the people. per
posed to lnterdoose q new ice IN stunpin
| by takin with me my own lnterrupter, &c
that l Good be sure that the Queeries he
shood put would be SIGH that I Good prop.
erly anser, and anser with etfeck.
l selected ez the questions l wantid asked
me. these:
What is the amount Nv the nashhel debt
Eff LlIkin he'd bin detected, wood that
debt have bin incurred
Was not the incurrin Nv the debts q
blessin, pertickerly ez it was incurred to
give freedom to 1 100000 niggers!
Is it not the wisest thing we kin do to
git down to gold basis towunst'
Hadent the Western farmer ought TO
SWEET and scald to pay the debt to the East
g. n capitalist
writ these questions all down, and ar
ranged for the nswers. You see they give
me chance, eff l could hev EN- asked in
order, to give the Republicans sch hidin
as they never he'd. 1t give me an oppor-
tunity to show that tie debt was made in
interest Nv Ablshnism; that, if the Rapub-
likin party ned not succeeded, there never
wood hev bin no debt; that to git back to
gold wood room everybody; and that The
Eastern bondholder wanted the Western
farmer to pay tie debt anyway.
l decided to take Issaker Gavitt with me
TO act ez Republican interrupter, and he'd
to git him up ez Repu blikin. 1t wuz
hard job-the hardest l ever undertook.
To metamorphose Cross roads Democrat
into Republican is task that requires
genius; but undertook it. and succeeded
to some extent. l powdered his nose, l
he'd him shaved, and put on him a clean
shirt. l made him black his boots, hevin
first furnished him with pair. and then l
put Oh him decent SCOT of close, and
made him wear EN- about the Corners
awhile till he got yoosed to EN- and could
appear easy in EN-. Then l took him and
coached him in the questions l wanted him
to ask. | he'd him repeat en- over and over
again till be he'd EN- by heart and | told
klm exactly where in my speech l wanted
him to git in with each Nv en- repeated
my speech TO him dozen times, and he'd
hiIE interrupt me with his Qaestions, or
rather the questions l he'd prepared for
him, and then l made the ansers. and in
structed him in all the minutia, even to his
blushin when he sOt down discount fitted.
l got him so well instructed that | flat
tered myself shood 60 through with a
wet sheet and flown sale, and shood &C
compl'sh big work or the party. l LATED
to think wat good thing it would be to
have Issaker dressed up ez a Republican.
with his nose powdered, and to hev him
askin me ez Republican, and me- putin
him to utter shame.
The fus: mite spoke he'd it all arranged.
lssaker WIZ to set in the awience, and at
the proper time, in all Nv wich he was in
structld. he wuz to commence. 1t wuz q
big meetln, the schoOl-house wuz full, and
hoped for great things.
Aiars tor human expectashuns. had bin
so biizy Grumm,n up the meetin thru the
day that l didn't watch Issaker. and knew
nothln Nv wat he wuz dom till saw him in
his place in the awjence. ! commenced nv
speech, and hedn't got Gecently into the in
troducshel-I think / wuZ dwellin onto the
horrors OF issegenasheh-when I'D be GOT.
Great Heavens. He waz ez drunk e. billed
owl, and hadn't any more idee nv wat he
WIZ dom than 500 IDjn. Rsin to his
feet, he swayed around unstedly, and re-
marked that he he'd question to asa In
agony. for | cOodent help myself, | sed.
Ask it,
'.Ez Republican, sed he
The awjence all latfed. for thew knowed
by his nose that he wuz no Republican,
'Ez Republikin l want to know ybe.
Their debt which wuz incurred to pom;
nate Tilden, aDd bring about the blessing
Nv Suthren Confederisy, oughtent 70 bs
paid by the bloated Democrisy Nv Moo
York, which nominated Tilden and paid
the llsker bills Nv the speaker on the ,lat
form. who owes NE tor more than fonr
yeers board. and never paid for drink in
his lie onless 1t wuz mistake, and wjch
6rot me here to interrupt him, wich swear
won't GO onless he"
Set down, 700 ideot," l yelled. land
aoh interrupt me when I'm dscussin'
great cOnstOOshnel questions
''IdeOt yOorself!' yelled Issaker. in .
drunken rage; II come here on voor ar.
count, and at poor expense, to play Repnb. |
lKin ana interrupt 700, and wOnr take M !
deOt from 700 or any other man"
ana the lnfoOrlated beest made his wsy
fhro the awjence, and precipetated hisseit
10 me, and dragged NE off the platform.
ana whaled Inc till thot l he'd gone rbro
the entire rebellion. had no idee afore ez
to wat wuz meant by bein whaled
Wv course the meetin WIZ broken nm and
he aWience dispersed in a row. Issaker
n his drunkenness, went to the nearest
bar room and told them all Of our arrang o. |
ment, and before mOruin' he'd not ONLY |
spent the money he'd provided him with.
but he'd pawned the close I he'd furnished |
1lm, AID | found him in the morni1' a mere !
wreck.
''Parson,' sed the inebriated iunat;c. 81
ion't suppose hev bin Nv much yoose TO |
he party, and hewitt furthered the coz To |
any alarmin extent; but l hev he'd good |
line. Let us go on to the next town a !
'nce. Get me another SCOT NV close. and I
ct Es go on electin Tilden in this wav.
And, by the way, can't l Till in nv spare
line by arrangin on oft mites to be a Dino. |
rat to interrupt Republican speeker?"
didn't anser him-I wuz too sick. But.
him with cuss, l babe him de,
'art, and borrowed money Nv the com
nifty to get on to my next appointment
lone.
1t is singler, 700 can't make Dimocrat
without whisky; but by the time they have
AIKEN enrtf Nv it to make EN- secOor. thew
re SO burnt out that they haven't eny