The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-05-19
Pith and Point.
in wait /: False scales.

Pfth and Point.
LYING in wait False scales.
A MAN who has nothing to seize is in
easy circumstances.
THERE is plenty of game in the Black
Hills. "Seven-up" and "poker pre-
dominate.
"THE last galoot's A. Shore" who
was arrested for cruelty beating his wife,
in Louisville, last week.
AN exchange has an article headed
"The latest agony at dinner parties"
The editor must have been luxuriatinG
in fresh cucumbers.
TOMMY (suddenly, on his way homo
from church -" What did you take out
of the bag, mammal 1 only got si1-
pencel Look here
"WHAT is conscience asked school
master. "An inward monitor" replied
bright little fellow. "And what's .
monitors" "One of the ron-clads."
A CoMPosrToR, Sc ting up report or
horse race, said "the booksellers wero
busy" instead of " the booksellers, but
it did not alter the sense of the para
graph much.
A LITTLE boy, whose conduct made
his mother say that she feared he did
not pray, replied: "Yes, L do I pray,
every night, that God will make you and
pa like my ways better"
PUBLICAN" Your dog very Eat, ar.
Pray what do you feed him on 2" Trav-
eler-" Well, he has no particular
meals; but whenever / take q glass Of
ale 1 give him biscuit, you knows"
IT would do some of the first settlers
of jamestown, Va, good to come to life
and take peep at that town. They
would find everything about as they left
it, only looking a little older, with more
knot-holes to be seen.
A FAST youth asked at Frisco res
taurant "What have you got2"
"Almost everything" was the reply.
"Almost everythingG Well, give me q
plate of that" Certainly. One plato
of hash " yelled the waiter.
A VERY tall man was in the streets OF
Boston, when an old lady who admired
his gigantic stature, thus addressed
him "Mister, were you large when
you were small?" "Yes, marin, was
considerable big when was little"
A DOCTOR in Omaha was engaged to
attend a lady in her confinement, agree
ing to charge 80. The lady gave birth
to twins, and he demanded double pay.
Payment being refused, he sued her, but
lost the case.
A PREACHER at Glasgow, Mo-, hesi-
tated to tell dying man that he would
go right to heaven till the dying mans
brother stabbed him twice in the head.
and gave him more liberal ideas of the
mercy of heaven.
"MY boy, tell us what you know
about rattan2" said the committeeman.
cit is sometimes called the Calamus
Rottang comes from Penang, Samar-
ang, and Padang,' and is used by tho
master in this school too dang often"
As Pat up the ladder was climbing one day,
His hod filled with bricks, the usual way,
fresh landed brother from over the sea,
Half seas over, or at least seemed to be,
Called up from the street, with comical WINK,
" Come down, ye spalpeen, and let's take
drink"
" Bedad and WILL" says good-natured Pat.
" Then I'll carry my bricks inside o my hat"
"MoNDAY was one of those dreary,
rainy days when man stays at home all
day and pulls out all his private papers,
with view to Strengthening things, and
after looking them carefully over, leaves
them in heap on the table for his wife
to put away"
In one of Beethoven's letters, in
which he gives his publishers the cor
rections of some proofs of a stringed
quartet, he concludes by saying that
at is four O'Clock; must post this,
and am quite hoarse with stamping
and swearing"
A BoY-REFoRMER, in a speech few
evenings since, made this remark: "I
have three good reasons for keeping tho
pledge not to use tobacco first, because
am to have So at the end OF year
second, because have pledged myself
not to use il !; and third-the strongest
motive of all-because I'll get licking
if / don't keep it - 1t is unnecessary
say to that the speech was applauded-
The New Bedford Mercury tells Of
five dogs who were shut up in yard by
the gates closing after they had passed
through it. When they wanted to 90
ont they couldn't, for the gate swung
inward. Then the CANNES held con-
snltation, which resulted in the best
jumper, q big Newfoundland, getting
over the fence, pushing the gate open,
and releasing his friends
A DWELLING house on Clifford street
took fire in one of the chambers the
other night from an exploding kerosene
lamp. The flames were extinguished
after q sharp struggle 10y a woman of tho
house, who had her hands pretty badly
burned. She was relating her adventures
to neighbor next morning, and tho
woman asked "Why didn't you raise
an alarm-where was Bessie9" Bessie
and her beau were courting in the par
lor," was the calm reply. "And You
never called to themg" "Not a word.
/ have known of cases where a sudden
alarm has upset young man just as he
was about to propose and changed tho
whole future of two lives. Free Prsss