The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-10-07
VARIETY.


AN accomplished Indiana girl calls hay ''gras
Ia mowed''
WASH t it rough on Ella, just as she was telling
Frederick at lunch how ethereal her appetite
was, to have the cook bawl out: "Say, viii ye
have yer pork and green's now, or wait till yel
feller's gone?''
"IsS'T :. about time you paid me that little
bill?" said Stubbs to one of his debtors.-"My
dear SIR" was the consoling reply, otis not q
question Of time; it's question of money"
A BROOKLYN girl who was converted last
winter is now at Saratoga, and the other day, in
letter to her mother, she wrote ''I find it i'm
possible to hang on to my religion here but don't
say anything to Mr.. Talmadge about It,, as will
make it allup when get home"
Dip you ever, asks the Cincinnati Times, watch
the noiseless movements of pretty girls lips us
her dress is trcdden upon, and marvel at the self
command which enables her to do the situation
justice in SO quiet q manner? dozen fonts of
type wouldnt furnish dashes enough to represent
the remarks Of the average under like incite-
ment.
MHED.-The mother of two sons, twins, q con-
temporary relates, met one of the brothers in a
field one morning. (Which of you two boys am
| speaking to ?" asked the mother; sis it you,
or your brOther?' "Why do you ask p inquir-
brother, viii box his ears "It is not my bro
ther, it is II ''Then your brother is wearing
your coat, for yours had hole in it." "No,
mother, 1 am wearing my own coat" ''Good
heavens 20 cried the mother, looking at HIM in
tently, @you are your brother, after all ~
well-to-do citizen of Detroit almost had the
breath knocked out of him by the request of a
ragged sidewalk tramp, who stopped him and
asked:
''What Who are you, cir No, sir, can't,
sir 20 exclaimed the citizen.
I1sk kIx- do oh
fsNo, SIR
sGTell you what you might do suggested the
tramp % You might hand me fifteen cents
now and lend me the balance when times get
little easier"
al can't lend you shilling, sir, or a cent sir,
and 1 won't give you q penny, sir.
s'Sorry both of us happen to be hard up at
once sighed the tramp, and he continued his
walk.
A certain married man of Denver having been
repeatedly warned by his wife to come home ear
Iier nights or he would find himself locked out,
at last found himself in just that fix. Gentle
tappings at the door were tried, but silence pre-
vailed within. Then q firm rap-rap-rap, hut
no result. At last, after boisterous poundings,
the besieged appeared at the battlements of the
castle--so to speak to hold parley with the
invader.
nWho are you, and what do you want?"
.'Oh, fddlesticks Come, now, open the door
and let me in.''
oNot for Joseph. You know what l told you
very well, and now you can take the consequen-
ces. Good night, sir. -
And she disappeared. Then followed plead
ines, threats, imprecations and commands most
ludicrously intermixed. But she held the fort,
and the recreant slept at o hotel that night, and
the next night came home at 9, sharp.
GoISG INTO BANKRUPToY.-A gentleman who
was rushing around with subscription paper
for the benefit Of the orphans, says the San Anto
Mo Herald, stopped merchant on the street and
explained to him that he wanted ten dollars
isHaye you heard?'' said the merchant, look
ing sad from the corners of his eyes, s'that am
about to 60 into bankruptcy" 2"
Eyes" said the collector, E' have heard so,
and tender my congratulations at the happy event
and wish you many returns of it, You know
when You were doing hourishing business, and
were in Strengthened circumstances, never asked
You to assist the poor, but now that you are lay
ing up money, thought you might contribute
saPut me down for FIVE dollars, 5" said the mer-
chant, gloomily, sc and III have to pay that out
of my own pocket. Charity begins at home by
Only five dollars! How riches do harden q
man 80 and he noted down in his book "fye dol
lars from an INDECENT pauper."
Brownsville, Michigan, boy had secret
which he wanted to keep from his sister par
ticularly, but the tell-tale newspapers got hold
of it and now that boy leads a dogs life.
He happened 20 be in the parlor when young
gentleman who was paying marked attention
10 the sister called one evening. While the
young lady was getting ready to make SEN
sational entrance to the parlor, the boy being
at leisure improved the occasion to sound the
Young gentleman's qualifications and accomplish
ments. B. Boy Does galvanized nggers know
much ?" Young CT really can't say
After respectful silence the subject appeared
to be abruptly changed but was not in reality.
B. Boy Kin you play checkers with your
nose?'' Young O.! No, 1 never tried it,
b. Boy Well, you'd better learn-you hear
me 7'' Young G." Why?" B. Boy Cause
sis says that yer don't know as much as a gal
yanized nigger, but yer dads got lots o. stamps
and she'll marry you anyhow, and when she gets
hold O. the old mans sugar she's agoin to
all the perceshuns and candy pullns and let
you stay home an play checkers with that holly
hog nose o. yourn." The young gentlemen did
not stimulate the conversation any more. He had
forgotten something and stepped out to get it.
And when :" sis' got her hair banged and her
smile on she swept in and found her little broth
er in the parlor alone, innoeently tying the tails
of two kittens together, and singing, Z" How doth
the little busy bee,'' But an inkliug of that
conversation leaked out, and the boy has not
felt quite comfortable at home since.