The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-04-21
vived old wives tales of early and indis-
Greet refusals of Washington by the said
old wives themselves, must be taken with
few grains of deferential allowance.
--Scribrler for April.



A CRYSTAL ghost-A glass shade.
FAST horses-Those that are safely
secured.
The mothers heart is the child's
school-room.
How TO raise beets--toke hold of the
tops, and pull.
THAT was rum fellow who got mad
because Santa Cruz didn't bring him
present.
THE most effective way for boy TO
learn bee sees-By putting his finger
into the hive.
A POLITICAL problem. Can a cross
eyed foreigner be natural-eyzedY In
quire at any court of record.
ALWAYS thought should never rear
that child" said an old lady. of ninety,
on hearing of the death of her son, aged
seventy.
A NEW "lady clerk in dry goods
store, who objected to nicknames, began
by addressing one of the little cash boys
as "Cassius."
WHEN the spider left the ark did he
walk or take a fly 9-Erchange.-We
Ctu 1Hcrc OWtCVItCE udld ;tS VIC
know of bearing on that question.
"WHAT is conscience 2" asked school
master. "An inward monitor" replied
bright little fellow. "Antl what is
monitor (" "One of the iron clads."
The Alta California says that it is as
useless to try to keep the American ad-
ventlrers out of the Black Hills rs to
try to keep woman out of dry goods
store.
"MAarMA, don't you want some nice
candy?" said shrewd little girl. "Yes,
dear, should like some. "Then if you'll
buy some I'll give you half !" lisped the
polite girl.
WHEN an Albany girl threw snuff
into her lovers face because he was cool
in his wooing, the indignant youth re-
marked "Miss Julia, I've had snuff of
this, and you will never see me again."
THERE was a crooked man
In crooked Western town,
Who had q crooked notion
In his a crooked crown.
He bought a crooked still,
And crooked whisky made,
And all got rich together
In the crooked little trade.
= Washington Chronicle
"Do YOU 'spose little girls have to eat
oatmeal in heaven, mamma 2" asked
sunny-haired little lady of six, as she was
worrying down her morning saucerful,
her eye resting longingly on a steaming
pile of buckwheats the while.
"Now, WILLIE, do have a little courage.
When have a powder to take, L don't
like it any more than you do but 1
make up my mind that will take it, and
1 do u" "And when have powder to
take," replied Willie, CT make up my
mind that l won't take it, and don't |"
How HE sang it
Sprig, sprg, beautiful sprig,
Happiest seasod OBJ the year,
Haste thee, nuyd, ad wild thee brig
April wild it's smides and tear.
Cacho-o-o! Cach-e-e Cach-e-e-r!
A cRUsrY bachelors objection to ladies'
with beautiful teeth is, that nine out of
ten of them would laugh at funeral.
Two VILLAGE worthless met on the
street one day. "Jamie, says the richer
me that accoont2 I'm i'll aft for siller
the noo." "Oh," says Jamie, "I
havena seen We this lang time. Gould
ye cheenge twenty poond note ," Gay
could I, says the laird, drawing out his
pocket-book. "Ah, weel," says Jamie,
"ye're no needin' siller, then," and
walked on"
AN old curmudgeon was summing him
self on the postoflice steps yesterday
forenoon when lady came along, hav-
ing letter in her hand. She looked up
and down the building, hesitated, and
asked the man i: "Where do you
mail your letters here?" CT always
mail mine inside the building"
he calmly replied, "but you can do
as you please about it-there's no law
to compel you to !" The look she
Pave him would have knocked street
car off the track. Detroit Free Press.