Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-01-21
Gleanings.

Old maids in Virginia are politely call
ed "belated sisters"
Mrs Snipc, OF Texas, made her husband
quail before her. Carney.
A philosopher describes bald headed
man as one who combs his hair with
towel.
The most dangerous Of al fiattery is the
very common kind that We bestow upon
ourselves.
A young woman who was driven to
distraction now fears she will have to
walk back.
The height of psliteness = Running
against a lamp-post and asking it to please
excuse you.
When parties 60 cut for a pleasure sail
ing, the seaside swells generally make ev-
erybody sick.
Why is the pig the most provident Of
animals9 Because he always carries
spare-rib or two about him.
How many grains of common sense go
to one scruple? How many scruples OF
conscience go to one dram?
"Pat, have you seen stray pig this
morning." "Shure, an how cud tell
shtray pig from any other, SUR"
I'VE find that he comes to his death
from calling Bill Jackson liar" was the
verdict of cofoners jury in Missouri.
The Brooklyn girl who was caught
stealing pair of shoes to wear to Sunday
school says she will never try to be good
again.
A DELHI man challenges any one to
contest of speed in harnessing span OF
horses, IA new saddle to be the reward OF
the victor.
Mr. Budd asked her, Rose, wilt thou
be mine?" Rose answered, II am sorry
it can't be--but rose cannot be turned
into a bud"
Newly-married lady rs your wife fair,
Mr.. Penhecker:" Mr. P. very married)
well, I don't know exactly. She
amt logical"
He pu; an enemy in his mouth to steal
away his brains, but the enemy, after a
thorough and protracted search returned
without anything.
Noning of the kind is apprehended at
present but if Mrs Twain should he call
ed away we hope that She will leave her
Mark in the world.
Fathers hair is growing gray is the
latest popular ballad. II was suggested
by pull-back skirts, striped stockings and
kindred aggravations.
A Detroit woman could but think :of
twenty-nne different ingredients to put in
mince-pi and she wept at the idea of
losing her powers of memory.
That person is pronounced phianthro-
pist, who by pedal percussion persistently
propels pomological peeings from the
precincts of the public promenade,
"Why do you set your cup Of coffee on
the chair, Mr.. Jones:" 1T is so weak,
ma'am," replied Mr.. Jones, demurely,
'that thought would let it rest "
An old lady was admiring the beautiful
picture called Saved Its no wonder"
she said, ''that the poor child tainted after
pulling that great dog out of the water "
A Missouri woman may look defense
less and timid, but YOU look under the bed
and see the axe pitchfork, a club and
an old bayonet, and you'd change your
opinion.
81 meant to have told you of that hole
said gentleman TO his friend who, walk
ing in his garden, stumbled into pit of
water mo matter" said the friend, II
have found it
Mrs. Snow, of Medina, n. Y, deserted
her husband. Mr. Snow published the
fact in the village newspaper, saying in
conclusion, Now l forbid any woman
coming on my premises"
An Indiana Judge has declared it to be
good ground for divorce for a woman TO
tie her husband to the gate-post, during a
violent thund er-storm with patent light
ning-rod hitched to his spinal column.
He builded better than he knew" re-
, marked shocmaker's wife, about two
. O'Clock in the morning, as she nervously
grasped one of his peg sole boots in her
right hand, nd patiently waited for the
sound of his football on the stairs.
An editor, who speaks with the air of
a man who has discovered new fact by
experience, says that the new way, to
prevent bleeding at the nose is to keep
goul HuSc 'ut VI othSi PSoPlSS ousiuess-
A young lady had coquet ted until the
victim was completely exhausted. He rose
to go away. She whispered as she accom-
panied him to the door. II shall be a;
home next Sunday evening" $50 shall l."
he replied.
Madam" said trance medium, your
husbands spirit wishes to communicate
ow; IF he's got no more spirit in the
other world than he had in this, its not
worth bothering about"
The season is now fairly arrived when
tie father of the family absent mindedly
picks up the poker by the hot end and
then lays it down again not so absent
mndedly. Still, no man of spirit will
admit that Il women knows how to fix the
fire.
The proprietor of young ladies' acad.
emy, in Illinois, has utterly ruined his
business by causing to be inserted in
large number of papers picture Of the
building with two girls standing on the
> balcony with last years hats on their
heads.
.NS NV t"i'iiut iHti1h nSShl SNCs pun
Lo his rations of salt beef. he mournfully
says: That beef different from any
beef you get if you were white man
living in the East. Beef in the East don't
have any smell to it at all Just think
of it."
A literal minded youngster was pick
ed up by a visitor of the family, who,
dandling him on his knee, said: II wishI
had this little boy; think there's money
2 in him" To which promptly responded
the child: II know there is, for l swal-
lowed cent when l was at grandmas the
other day"
I Dickens and Thackeray were walking
in Convent Market, one day, when they
came to place where there were two
piles of oysters in window, one pile be-
ing marked ninepence dozen and the
: other siXpcnce dozen Thackeray stood
with his hands behind him and said to
, Dickens: How they must hate each
other"
, just like the women. As soon as their
husbands backs are turned they COM
, mence gadding. Now there's Mrs. Wales.
She ought to be at home mending Wales