Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-05-10
SharpS and Flats,

Sharps and Flats.
Would you call rich man philan-
thro pist, for example, because he loves
his specie?
The first lesson in arithmetic When
Abraham was told to be fruitful and
multiply.
GEORGE II. being informed that an
lmpudent printer was to be punished
for publishing spurious royal speech,
said that he hoped the punishment
| would be light, because so far as he
understood either, he liked the spurious
| one BEST
A MAN in New Hampshire had the
! misfortune recently to lose his wife.
Over the grave he caused stone to be
placed, on which, in the depth of his
grief, he had ordered to be inscribed:
Tears cannot restore her-therefore I
weep"
A PARsIMoNIoUs old lady called, one
day, upon well known Glasgow fish
monger, saying: "WeeI, Master Dreg-
horn, how are ye selling your half sal
mon the noo?" David replied: 'When
we catch half salmon, mem, we'll let
we KEN"
A LITTLE six years old girl went to
birthday party one evening. The day
following she was overheard telling her
playmate that little boy kissed her
while they were engaged in play, but
she said, ""That was no harm, cause it
was our preachers boy, you know"
She had read the papers.
ALECK is a. little six years old boy,
who is very fond of ice cream. He
was permitted to dine with the family,
and as usual, wanted more ice cream:
but as he made his wish known, he ad-
ded: Can't you hotten it little?"
Mrs. SHERIDAN thought parrot
might amuse the baby, and said so. but
when she saw an 18-pounder Parrot
gun come trundling up to the house on
dray, she saw that Philip had mis-
understood her.-RScldnaoqad ENQUIRER.
YOUNG men in this city are gravely
considering the question of abandoning
the use of standing shirt collars.
About 10 O'Clock Sunday nights, most
of the girls cheeks look as # they had
been punched with "a clothes pin.
THE Centennial Commission have in
vited Mr.. P. S. Gilmore to conduct the
musical exercises on the Fourth OF
July, and he has accepted. They have
also engaged himself and his full band
to give grand concerts for thirty days
GLOWING the opening day.
JENNY LIND, on board the Atlantic,
asked one of the fremen, an Irishman,
if he had it IN his power, would he ex-
change places with her. "Faix, 1 GER
tainly would" he replied, eff could
sing as well.' "And why?" asked Miss
Lind. Fax, and because the wages
are better"
EVERY one knows what high priced
dentists in Paris charge, consequently
every one will appreciate this story:
lady went to one of the fraternity to
have tooth extracted He did the
work n moment, and she gave him
ten francs. He took it in disgust. els
this for my servant?" he said. "No,
sir, it is for both of YOU
AN old Scotch lady was told that her
minister used notes. She disbelieved
it. Said one: eco into the gallery
and see." She did so, aud saw the
written sermon. After the luckless
preacher had concluded his reading on
the last page, he said: !" But [ will en-
large" The old woman cried out from
her lofty position, !" Ye Gamma! We can
ma! for yer papers give out!"
A WOMAN in Washington Territory
kept her mouth open long enough, on q
certain occasion last month, to swallow
a snake. Her husband betrayed a
good deal of feeling in relating the little
circumstance to a neighbor, and con-
cluded his narration with the remark,
"There amt nothing hard-hearted
| bout me, but hanged if I s'posed I
could feel emmy sorrer for snake"
DIR. SToRRs, in his book on preaching
without notes, relates the following
anecdotes of Father Taylor" the
Boston sailors preacher. He had got
completely entangled in q sentence; he
stopped short and said, Brethren, I
don't know exactly where went in at
beginning this sentence, l don't in the
least know where Pm coming out; but
one thing do know, I'm bound for the
Kingdom Of Heaven |"
MITHER," said Jenny Graham, when
preparing her lesson for Sabbath school,
81 Gamma get naething but twa proofs
illustrative of the fifth commandment,
an / was to get three" "Aweel, leuk
the Proverbs an yell get ane," said the
doting mother; 8 Gamma mind the
chapter an verse, but it says: Though
father and mither, an a should gaze
mad, whistle an I'll come to We, my
lad."t
A WEALTHY baronet, now deceased,
invited the wel-known John Clark, of
Elgin, to inspect a collection of paint
ings which he had made with infinite
care and expense during recent visit
to the Continent. The opinion which
he formed was by no means Favorable.
Happening shortly afterward to be in
company of admirers of the fine arts,
who We're doubling which of the Cont
nental cities furnished the greatest gs,
fractions to purchaser of paintinat-
IF anybody wants to get guide pic
lures" said Mr.. c., they should go to
Tours" "To Tours /" exclaimed the
| cOmpany. stWby to Tours of all