Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-07-27
ITEMS OF INTEREST.


bama.
KISSING the bride at weddings has
been done away with at the East.
THE Fenians of Australia evidently
preferred the mantle of the free to
Freemantle.
WHEN you don't know whether to
speak or not, give the benefit Of the
doubt to the side of silence.
PERsPIRATIoN uses up so many
collars simply because it's sweat. III
were dry, the effect would be different.
BLACK chip bonnets, trimmed with
the leaves, flowers and fruit of the
blackberry, and black gauze, are fash
ionable
THE Colorado potato-bug reached
Dorchester, Mass, on the 18th of June,
1876. 1t has thus been fifteen years
travelling from the Missouri to the At
lantic coast.
A MASSACHUSETTS matrOn, IN TAX
ing leave of her neWly-married daugh-
ter, said: Remember, Lucy, that the
first principle in cleaning house is to
make everybody as uncomfortable as
possible"
A YANKEE advertising for a wife
says ''It would be we'll if the lady
were possessed of competency sufi-
cient to secure her against excessive
grief in case of accident occurring to
her companion.
SUMNER bathes the world in sun
shine and perfumes it with the tender
| breath of roses, but there will always
be one dark, marring blot on the face
Of nature SO long as mothers will in
sist on cutting their boys hair at
| home!
A CONTEMPORARY asks: "Can there
be sicker spectacle than three or four
able-bodied men playing croquet p
There can. Eight or ten men on
horseback, playing polo, would make
such spectacle look as healthy as a
rich aunt.
Do LEWIS is camping out in Cali
| fornia, and every time a mosquito
takes a nip Of him the disguised insect
sticks out its under lip, spits out the
tasteless morsel, and calculates
Chopped straw and oatmeal; I'd as
lief bite a saWdust doll"
A CHEYENNE woman started while
drunk to drive to a village six miles
distant, did not recognize the place
when she got there, and kept right on
until journey of ninety miles killed
the horse, full supply Of whisky hay
! ing kept her brain fuddled.
Now rs the time for lovers to get
spoOny over ice cream, she taking a
few petty dabs at his vanilla, and he
This process inspires confidence in the
day when they will be throwing corn
beef and cabbage across the table.
eyes, madam" he remarked,
woman's place is in her home, amid
her children and her household duties,
while the father tolls for bread" and
then he picked up a hat and thought
he'd 90 over for an hour or so and see
what was going on at the baseball
grounds.
JUNE has gone, the dear, delicious
month of tender fruits and blooming
roses. We take one long lingering look
at the receding loneliness, and turn
about with pain in our hearts to Crap
pie with those months in which victuals
must be eaten up to save them from
spelling. Exchange.
IF you have money to invest don't
put it in New York real estate. Prof.
Merriman states that by reversion in
polar conditions in 10000 years from
now New York city will be $50 feet
under water. And no man could live
250 feet under water many weeks
without catching a dangerous cold.
Mrs. SHoDDY, to shop-keeper:
"Show me a thermometer-one of
your very BEST Shop-keeper: ''This,
ma am, is one of our fnest-Venetian
glass and the best quicksilver. Mrs.
S.: "Silver? That would be very
nice for the kitchen, but [ want one
for my boodoor. Haven't you got one
with quick gold?"
AN exchange wants ladies to take
off their hats in church, but as long as
half the ladies 60 to church for the
purpose Of displaying their hats, it is
hardly possible that the suggestion
will be adopted-unless glass case is
placed alongside Of the pulpit for their
accommodation and the name of the
owner is prominently affixed to each
Herald.
ARCHBISHOP WHATELEY did not
despise a pun-in fact, he rarely let an
opportunity pass of perpetrating one,
and sometimes, at jolly dinner, would
exert himself to make the worst pun
of the evening. He thought gardening
dangerous indulgence for lunatics be-
cause they might grow madden. And