The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1876-12-14
The Bamed Book Agent.

Tho Baf1ed Book Agent.
From the Atlanta Constitution.
He came in briskly and sat down
with a jerk. One end of his paper-col-
lar reared over his left ear: qualmy
smell of last week clothes hung about
him. He turned his glass eyes upon
us, and loosening his India-rubber
tongue he began:
"sThe Universal History of the Uni.
verse'-in 1000 installments-50 cents
an installment-3OO engravings-"
ssStOp, my friend. Restrain the in
tellectual fow-dam up that torrent Of
eloquence. Listen to me-do YOU know
what has come to me since l saw you
last! It was in Octo-
ssBut, SIR interrupted the book
agent, 'syou never saw me before"
"Never saw youe IMPOSSIBLE! Could
one who once gazed on those noble
lineaments ever forget them! Could
that coy wart on the nose be forgotten
or that eloquent mole on your jaw
Never, never! 1t was in October that
I met you last. Blessed October-that
month of richnesssand of sobered pas
sion! Do you know of all the months
in the year October is
pardon me, SIR, exclaimed the
book agent, rolling his brass eyelids in
desperation, ''yOu are"
"PardOn me, sir; cannot allow any
man to hold the reinS Of conversation
over mel will not be interrupted-to
resume; my grandmother was the
most perfect woman of her age you
ever saw. She was 1872 years old, and
yet was as clipper as the best Of us.
My brother, who was an inventive
man, put her on pair of wheels, and
it would have done you good to have
seen her scoot around. l suppose ours
was the only family that could boast
of a grandmother on wheels, and yet
"But, sir, l am in great hurry and
''
..You must positively not interrupt
me my friend. As l was saying be.
fore. whec a man has a family grown
up around him. it is hard to say which
one he loves best. And yet that boy
of mine, with strawberry mark on
his left ear. There's queer story
connected with that strawberry mark
that would please you,-have you a
child p
II am the father of thirteen miser.
able children" he replied.
"Ah, then you can sympathize with
my story. You have been mother
yourself. All, who can sound the
depth of mothers love! 1t is as
deep as an artesian well, as high as a
liberty pole. It scars like Chinese
kite, it grovels like ground hog. 1t
is sweet to be q mother. It gives US q
new life, and fills us with broad deep
sweet"
REALLY, sir, / havn't the time,
broke out the perplexed and desperate
agent.
NOW, there you go again. You
throw me out every time. But to &c
back 70 our conversation. / do think
he was the sweetest dog ever saw
saw. Although he was quite young
when he was born, he seemed to take
to learning naturally. When ! would
send him to drive the pigs out Of the
yard he would take the little pigs pat
ronizingly by the ear
..Ha! Ha - laughed the book agent
dolefully,. quite . bright dog-quite
bright-but would you like this
| NV
..Interrupting me again there" but
| it don't matter. To resume: AZ said
before, the boat was very small and
quite cranky. It rocked wildly, and
the girl became excited and it wal
hard to control her. You have doubt
less been on thu water, and under
stand"
just here the Book agent rose, hi
steel joints swapping viciously. HI
cast one wild, scared look around hin
and made for the door. Having reach
ed the door, he turned and looked bacl
hungrily. He frightened up, Is If h
was going to open the conversation
but he gulped his sorrow down hastily
and fed.
Come back and see Us again, we
called blandly over the stairs. .Yo,
are such = good listener it's pleasure
to talk to you. Yes, come again
Come during the next centennial r