The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1876-09-29
SUNBEAMS.

Gamblers who see too much OF
"ante" are often obliged to see their
"uncle."
In Eeokuk there is a man named
John Plaster Alabaster.
Miss Kitty Fewclothes lives in San
Antonio, Texas. Is she related to
Flora McFlimsey?
"Soup, STRIP exclaimed a hotel
walter. No, sir! COMEDIAN" was
the reply of the dignified actor.
Bobby to his pig" What the deuce
are you grunting at You don't have
to go to school like does.'
A Baltimore man spent whole
year to learn how to box, and then
when called liar he ran away so fast
that no one could catch him.
Texas has a new game in cards-one
holds a revolver, while the other
holds the cards. A coroner holds the
inquest, of course.
A prominent member Of the Mid
dletown insane asylum says that the
reason colds are so common Is because
people do not warm their umbrellas
before putting them on.
A Lancaster county clergyman is
lecturing on "The Model Husb band"
He may mean well, but we dislike to
be talked about in such public man.
ner. er.-N07T'iStO1Cn Herald.
Some fellows Kidnapped a Green
Bay (Wis.) girl the other night, but as
soon as daylight came they put her
right out Of the carriage and told her
to go home. They said they were
homely enough themselves.
An exchange says that "an English
magistrate has just sent starving
- ,ai Fx,,~ -, L.. I'll
up an unsOund cabbage" That will
teach him to take a sound cabbage
next time.
Under the new constitution of Texas
nine of a jury may return q verdict;
but that doesn't prevent the other
three from gathering a crowd and
lynching the prisoner to telegraph
pole.
When n Missourian had his head
caved in in q saloon row the doctor
blew in his ear until the dent disap-
peared and the head was plump and
round again. The patient, however,
complained Of a roaring in his ear.
How the family has grownl Three
millions in 1776-forty-fou millions
In 1S76l Uncle Sam will have to put
another "L' on pretty soon.-Er.
They're raising it in Congress, now.-
ROcHtG1td Courier.
Muchachinock is the name Of a
beautiful creek that meanders through
the OSkalOOSa coal regions. 1t is an
Indian name, and was used by them
to scare the wolves with. 1t has no
pronunciation. When the inhabitants
OF that country want to say anything
about it, they write it on a slate.
Some Indians, who had never seen
O rai!rpnt, cncamped on the track Of
the EuiOu Pacific Railroad q few
nigh 'e ago, and an express train pick
ed up The lot and left them in the
ditcSas. Those who could talk went
on 70 say =" Mother kind OF devil
here"
In Burmah there Is tribe which
has theory Of its own as to the origin
OF man. It believes that the first
human being was a woman; and that
she laid one hundred eggs in order
that the earth might be populated.
The first men, 1t seems from this,
were Kuclucks.
An confederate Of Williamsburg.
Va, VIII" signs himself "a Rebel OF
1865, q Patriot OF 5e76.' observing that
the last monthly debt statement fiyad
the national debt at 3. PA ,981 %. has
written to Secretary Bristow a letter
inclOsing twenty-five cents "to paw
the last two figures"
SAL" said a girl, looking out Of
the upper-story window of a milk
shop, and addressing another girl who
was trying to enter at the front door
we've all been to q meeting and
been converted; so when YOU want
milk on Sundays, you will have to
come in the back way"
The agent Of the Pacific Mail
Steamship Company recently received
note from a citizen Of New JERSEY.
which read thus: My wife and I are
anxious TO have q birth on yO11r
steamer Of the -th. Yours. etc" To
which he replied, Come along, and
we viii do the best we can for YOU"
Professor Seelye was near being
called out for saying to a brother
member, Omne ignatum pro mag
niico." Springer, OF Illinois, the gen
tleman alluded to in these scandal,ua
terms, said he proposed to show
that college bred chap that he was no
such q hairpin-not by a large ma
jority."
That's good butter" Caid Shrirnp
TO his boarding mistress the other
morning, as he transferred half there
was on the plate TO hot biscuit,
Yes" said she, cycling him sharply.
cents a pound" "Well.'' said he
scooping the remainder on to another
biscuit. " it's worth it,"
A man in Omaha was shot by des-
perado, and the bullet lodged harm
lessiy in pack of playing cards in
his inside coat pocket. But this incl
dent did not increase the sale of cards
In Omaha. Every male citizen was
already supplied with the article; but
they have all shifted them from their
boot-legs to their Inside coat pockets.
Papa, what's a safe ?'' "A safe
my child, Is a charitable institution
In which benevolent old people and
orphans lay up their money, for the
use Of sicxly burglars in paying hotel
bills at SaratogaP' what's a CASH
Ter = A cashier, my child, is a sign
board established by amiable bank
directors to point out the way into the
safe y What's detective =" He's
boards with his rich relations"