American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1876-01-01
Taking a Drive.


THE hostler, as he handed Mr. Creamy
the reins, looked obviously at his gold
bowed spectacles, and asked him in rather
Il pertinent Compartment, according tC
Mr.. Creamy, would perhaps be the better
adjective) tone if he was used to driving
and it was with vivid recollections of the
family horses over whose back he had
licked the braided lash in boyhood's
sunny hours that he assumed a look Of
lofty surprise as he answered:
Certainly, my man-let go of his
head"
There are horses and horses.
The geometrical steed of Mr.. Oliver
Creamly's childhood, whose back bore a
singular resemblance to the venerable hair
trunk which was in the attic, was imper-
vious to flagellation, and indeed Oliver
thought he used rather to enjoy it, except
when it reused him from the sweet slum-
bers in which he often INDUCED in con-
veying him to town.
But this horse of which we now speak
was an equine fiend, and Mr.. Creamy had
hardly given the order to the hostlar, as
above stated, before he repented his rash.
ness, and but for pride would have ex-
claimed, g Catch hold of his headp Fcr
he Immediately took occasion to erect
himself in a sudden manner upon his hind
legs, and the thought fitted through Mr.
Creamly's agonized brain, what if he
should fall over backward and break me
somewhere
Mr.. Creamly's wife was with him, and
it is a characteristic feature of her sex that
her first remark, after she had calculated
the words, "Land of compassion!" were,
"There, / knew it would be Just ser'--a
remark by no means calculated to soothe
fba I,
Creamly's single breasted waistcoat.
But when the gallant steed had once
more retouched his native earth in slang
but expressive phrase, he "got up and
busted" to that extent which reduced Mr..
Creamly's skill as a driver to merely a
frantic holding on with the hands TO the
reins and letting him "dust," which he
did most literally.
Mrs. Creamy, with the usual sublimity
of heroism that develops itself in the sex
under most trying circumstances, said she
guessed that she'd get out, as she saw that
her spouse didn't appear to know much
about driving; but as he braced his feet
anew and said: "Whoa-gcntly-goo
horsiew he indicated to her, with unmar-
ital sternness, that if she didn't keep her
closed she might lose her false
teeth.
Creamy concluded he must have been
going about seven miles a minute when
the dreadful beast stopped suddenly and
at the same time executing
a sidewise jump, which is called shy
ing" The cause was a wheelbarrow by
the roadside propelled by small boy; the
effect was a propulsion of Mr.. Oliver
Creamly's frame toward the dasher of the
and the contact of his wife's head
with his spinal column
\ Her remarks for obvious reasons we
forbear to repeat, but they were suggestive
of total loss of temper. One of the flow
ers of speech she used was "idiotic old
foolr' Perhaps she referred to the horse,
but judging from subsequent personal al
lusions this might be open to doubt.
And then the horse stood still in the dry
ditch by the roadside, occasionally look
ing around, as Creamy remarked:
g Back! back. sir" with pendulous mo-
ton of the under lip which was the near
est approach to a horse-laugh that was
ever seen, and which at the same time
derision.
Then Creamy pulled on the reins, at
first gently; and as his angry passions
his fears he pulled with We
hemence which, if the reins did not break,
gave fair promise of drawing the beast
through the dashcr.
Take the whip to him. said Mrs. c.,
with irritability apparent in her voice;
and he did so, not without misgivings,
however, as gratuitous advice from the
same source had occasionally brought him
IN the side of his head as the buggy went
over. Perhaps she had a vague idea that
he was the horse and she was holding him
down, but she was mistaken, for that sa-
gacious animal was making excellent time
toward the livery stable, and, had the re-
mains of the vehicle which he was pro-
pelling been right side up, we have no
doubt but that he would have reached
that haven of repose before the news of
the mishap.
81 hope you're satisfied nowv' said
Mrs. Creamy, with an intense calmness,
born of suppressed wrath and despair, as
she shook the dust from her garments and
felt of her back-hair. Creamy buttoned
up his coat to hide his shirt-bossom,
which was in rags, scooped thimbleful
Of mud from his left eye, and shook some
loose gravel from his left ear; wiped the
blood from his nose with his torn coat
sleeve, and said that he was, perfectly,
and asked her, with show of aspcrity
and Il scratched face. what she would have
lone if she had been with an unskillful
driver, a question she was too much daZed
10 answer, though the matter has been re-
ferred to by her several times since; but as
she is somewhat given to hasty figures of
speech, we will drop the subject.
The stable keeper drove up, with
team, and asked Creamy if he knew what
he'd done, as he helped him in. Cream
ly thought the question superfiuous, as he
looked at his damaged clothing, and
thought of the topics of conversation his
wife would indulge in during the long
winter evenings after he had retired; but
he calmly said he thought he knew, and
asked the man why he gave him such
horse to drive.
The stable-keeper was a man fluent of
speech and with an unpleasant readiness
ton was just this: that he thought any
fool could drive stable horse that VIM
men had driv for nigh seven year.
AS Creamy remarked in the beginning
of the discourse, he thought so, too, and so
he told the man of the stable, but still he
did not appear satisfied.
Creamy has borrowed 500 and paid
the bill, but is more and more convinced
that walking is healthy exercise, and
that to so much driving and riding are
due the Iassitude and general debility OF
the bloated aristocracy.-B CONNER
cial Bulletin
DIR. ROBINSON, of Port Jervis, has for
more than twenty years been experiment
ing with flying machines and now he
thinks he has found the secret. {" Yes,
sir" said he, in an interview with a re-
porter, q have the correct theory, and it
is the result of twenty years hard study.
| have made IL study of the hawks wing
until 7 c,p maxi an artificial wipp IN OK