The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-08-03

Sunosy.
"Matches are made in heaven; and
that" says Paddy, accounts for tho
tinder passion"
A Toledo chap was quite smitten
with his neighbors wife. She did
it with rolling-pin.
What is the difference between .
Catholic priest and Baptist? One
uses wax candles and the other
dips.
A Chinaman spoke all the Eng
lish be knew in Indianapolis the
other day, and was fined 81 tor pro-
family.
An observer says that temperance
men are the most Incorporate. They
shut up on whiskey but take it out
in talk.
When an American girl marries =
Chinaman, John does oil the work
and she reads oil the novels. What
celestial life.
When she struck him over the
head with TIN dipper for trying to
kiss her, she called it the tintinnabu-
lation Of the belle.
A celebrated gourmand once said:
"To enjoy stuffed turkey thorough
ly there should only be two present
yourself and the turkey"
AGerman, lately married, says: cd
va. youst so easy as needle Good
walk ought NIT cameFs eye as to
get der behint wort NIT q voomans."
Harry, looking on while his new
little sister cried at being washed,
turned away saying, ''lf she erie d
like that in Heaven, don't wonder
they sent her off,"
An experienced old stager says, if
you make love to widow who has a
daughter twenty years younger than
herself, begin by declaring you tho't
they were sisters.
Some mean fellow, after saying
there is one physician to every 800
inhabitants, adds that they begin
this way, but after a while there are
not SO many inhabitants.
A Nebraska doctor furnished
scalped soldier with a piece Of buff
alo hide, and made his head rs good
as new. The only trouble with his
hair that il sheds twice year.
A printer out West, whose Office
is two miles from any other building,
and who hangs bis sign on the limb
Of tree, advertises for boy. "A
boy from the country preferred"
"Does your sister Anna ever say
anything about me, sissy" asked an
anxious lover Of little girl. "Yes,"
was the reply, "she said if you had
rockers on your shoes they'd make
such nice cradle for my doll"
TLnu, 20 N r,,,v,r .On,t that l,J:na
in mourning wear black corsets, but
its probability was ftly characterized
by a widow who exclaimed on hear
ing it, in the words Of Polly Eccles,
ooh, the ignorance Of these men!"
Mamma" asked precocious
youngster at the tea-tablc the other
evening, after long and yearning
gaze toward a plate Of doughnuts,
"do you think l could stand another
of those fried holes?" She thought
be could.
The National Sunday School Teach
er tells the story of scholar who,
when asked in the lesson OF David
sparing Saul, why David compared
himself to Aea, replied that he gues-
sed it was because Saul couldn't
catch him.
81 will give you my head" OK
claimed person to another, "if ev-
cry word of the story have related
is not true" 81 accept your Offer"
said the other; presents of small val
ue strengthen the bond Of friendship,
and should never be refused"
"Yes,' he said, eve grope in dark
ness now. We stand on the verge
Of iufinity, but try in vain to bridge
it with the soul-yearnings that pos
sess u.s." "Yes, she remarked,
"that reminds me, wish you would
leave one Of your old nightshirts out
for pattern"
circumstances alter cases, you
know" remarked a lawyer to an old
farmer client. every true, sir" re-
piled the farmer, "apd cases alter
circumstances as well; for, man, l
mind when you were young and had
but few cases, your circumststan-
ces were not over bright"
"Why are your cheeks like my
poDies?" asked country beau of his
laxative sweetheart, as soon as he
could get in a word edgewise, after
they had set out on their ride. "Is it
because they are so red?' quoth the
blushing girl. "No; it's because
there's one of them on each side of
the waggin' tongue"
"Have you children?' demanded q
house renter. "Yes," replied tho
other, solemnly, "six- all in the GEM
etry." "Better there than here" said
the landlord, consolingly, and proceed
ed to execute the desired lease. In
due time the children returned from
tho oap,o<rr xpb;+h,r <ho,, LII -.