New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-05-14
Local Intelligence.

ANOTHER AsPIRANr FOR GLORIOUS
FAME -Brigadier General Smythers, 8
resident Of no particular locality, and quite
unknown to the world at large, few years
ago discovered that the force OF growing
plants was tremendous, as it was plainly to
be seen that even blades of grass actually
raised considerable weights while growing.
He applied all his leisure time to studying
the subject, and finally concluded that the
power could be utilized for tho beneht OF
mankind. He proposed to apply this force
to railroad cars and steamers, ana III
manner met with partial success. Inc only
fault to be found was that tho speed CD
tanned would never answer in the last days.
A single car was moved about half an
inch in two years, which important fact
prevented capitalists embarking in the
great enterprise; indeed, Moneybags laugh
ed at the project.
This rather disheartened Smythers. who
went into mourning, bewailing the lack of
sense on the part of moneyed men. Find
ing that his invention was to be utterly lost
to the world, he. retired to his little attic
and began to develop another thin scheme,
bat before it was half formed he rolled over
on the floor and slept. While rneasily
dreaming Of glory and grandeur great
and disagreeable noise aroused him. On
the roof close above his head arose such
discordant music as fifty or sixty ferccious
cats can make. The Brigadier General put
his head out of little window, intending
to drive the felines away, but he dessted
on noticing how vigorously the animals
played with each other. This brought
Smythers to thinking, and on the instant
he matured plan by which all that ex-
pended force might be put to good use. He
had seized the brilliant idea, and there
after such miserable agents as steam and
Keelys motor were Of no consequence.
Fame and fortune were almost with
in his reach. His determination was to
train healthy cats, feed them well and un-
til they doubled their strength, put them in
harness, and then he was sure that railroad
trains, great ships, fire engines and all such
things could be propelled at almost any rate
of speed, at uncommcnly cheap prices.
Smythers at once sat down to rickety
desk and put his invention on paper. An
investigating committee was appointed,
railroads and hotels that stood in need OF
customers were taken into confidence.
Time and place were fixed for trial, and
some of the newspapers kindly pulled up
the affair, thus inducing people to visit
Lake Pontchartrair to witness go strange q
sight as few sleek cats propei q
fifty ton schooner twenty miles an hour
all at nominal cost. One i'm
portant fact, however, had been over
looked-cats do not like water, besides
they are likely to drown. A schooner wa'
secured, and everything was prepared e
astonish the natives. The harnesaed tie
lines were thrown overheard, but somehow
they failed to draw-their entire force wa
expended in trying to save themselves
Smy looked on, perfectly dumbfounoet
at the failure, but he promised anothe
trial, when there would be no danger Il
human life True, he suddenly disap
peared, but he announces that he will sool
fully demonst rate the immensely OF his IN
yentiou