The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1876-03-22


lows the modern mode of dealing with
children, and considers that they
should always be argued with, but
never made to do as they are bid, in
vain exhausted her eloquence in dis.
cribing the excellencies Of ofpuri6cation,
for the infant logician fairly copfuted
her by this ingenious antithesis:
Aunt Mary, you do as you like, and
let me do as like. You like to be
clean and cold, like to be warm aud
dirty"
On one occasion during the Revolu-
tion "Old Put" had received a lot of
new recruits, and he had some fight
ing TO do before long, and wanted
none but willing men, he drew up his
levies in rank before him. "Now,
boys" said be, 81 don't want to retain
any of you who wish to leave there
fore, if any of you are dissatisfied, and
wishes to return home, he may signify
the same by stepping six PAGES in
front of the line. But" added the
old war dog, "I'll shoot the first man
that steps out.
Recorder Hackett, of New York,
used the following singular remarks
in passing sentence upon a criminal:
"You have also declared your readi-
ness to kill all who interfere with you,
and 60 armed for that purpose. /
would like to meet you some time
when in your lawless moods you are
fixed for killing. I'd teach you
lesson you would not forget as long as
you live. now sentence you to two
years, with hard labor, in the peniten-
tiary."
In the Rondout Methodist Church
on a recent Sunday morning, the usu-
al donning of overcoats was proceed
ing amid considerable confusion, but
had not been completed when the pas.
tor arose to pronounce the benedic-
tion. He paused moment, and said
Brethren, guess | will put on my
overcoat hereafter during the benedic-
ton, so as not to loose any time"
A North Carolina negro thought be
could out run a locomotive the other
day on the Air Line road, and when
he picked himself up, after being
thrown twenty feet and landing on
his head. he said: "Yer don't ketch
dis chile doin' dat agin. It's a right
smart wonder didn't tear desc britch-
,es clean eff"
A Sunday-school speaker the other
evening used the word abridgement,
but Immediately pulled up and re-
marked that as some of the youngest
scholars might not know its meaning,
he would say that it was a synonym
of epitome. The members of the in
fant class were affected to tears.
A story is told of a venerable negro
in Iowa, who vas on trial for an of.
fense against the State. When the
case was annouced in court, "the State
of Iowa versus Sampson C@sar," the
aged African exclaimed: "What! de
whole State of Iowa igin dis chile !
Den | surrenders."
Forward and loquacious youth !:
"By Jove, you know upon my word,
poW-lfl were TO see a ghost, you
know, would be a chattering idiot
the rest of my life." Ingenious mai
den: "Havsu't you aeen ghost ?"
A profound observer of human ma
ture has remarked that a woman can
crowd more comfort and solid happi-
ness into oDe days shopping than at
tends the efforts of the most gifted
and ppsel6sh philanthropist.
"What do they always put D. c.
after Washington for?" asked Mrs.
Quilp of Mr.. @. "Why, my dear,
don't you know that Washington was
Daddy of his Country?" said Quilp,
with snicker,
One Of the old settlers at the Isles
of Shoals, seeing the name of Rsycht
on hull of yacht the other day spelled
it out slowly, and then exclaimed
"Well, if that amt the durndest way
to spell fsh I"
At social hop in Anderson county
KY. recently, two gentlemen, and two
ladies we're shot aud killed. There il
such thing, it will be observed, al
being too internally sociabie.
If a man has six hammers in hi
house he can 60 home and put in
half a day looking for hammer, anG
along toward night nail up the fence
with the ak.
Some women are naturally graceful
and filled with poetry of motion
D..