The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-07-06

/
cold was not very bad
you arc in love and don't know how
/ 20 make 10 known. 60 20 your tailor lie
viii press your suit for you.
The new slang term crooked" is do
hncd as the act Of man who bends hii
energies in the wrong direction.
Gentlemen who smoke hllego that Il
makes them calm and oomplaoent They
tell us that the more they fume tho lcas
'''they fret
A young Lothario. much given 20 moon
light strolla. expresses the opinion that
TO airt' may be parsed a. 'iine night
verb"
A fashionable but iliits-a.e lady. irav.
cling on the Continent writing 10 a
friend, said that she bad just seen tho
museum Of iniqutlea" in Genoa
John Henry woke up from terrible
nightmare. iast night. and remarked 10
his wife that IL was easier 20 sleep on a
springfield than on . spring chicken.
The very last curiosity spoken Of In
the papers Il a wheel that came OF dogs
tail when IL was a.wagin'. The man who
discovered u has retired from public LIE
A seody.looking individual was heard
10 remark 10 a friend MY dear fellow.
can't you lend me a black weakit Cor a
time Ny Aunt Botsoy died q few days
ago. and | want 10 take a short mourn
Mrs. splinka." observed boardor 10
the landlady Of a Manson street caravan.
sary. "thc equal adjustment of this eatAb.
lishment could be more safely secured II
there was less hair in the hash and more
in the mattresses"
fast youth asked al a San Francisco
restaurant. What have you gotY' al
most everything. was tho reply. al
most overything9 Well. give me a plate
Of that Certainly. one plate Of hash
yelled the waiter.
Eve knowd dat mule for three ycahs.
aud don't think dat do animal would
hurt a lam; cauae' This blank
space indicates where the lecture was In.
tcrruptsd aud the darkcy forwarded 10
the other side Of the fence-by that same
mule
A young clergyman seems 10 have com.
pressed the whole body Of his sermon on
deceit into the following "oh my
brethren. tho snowicst shirtfront may
conceal an aching bosom aud the atihcat
Of allroundcrs encircle n throat that has
many a bitter pin 20 swallow"
A little boy said 10 his mother. tho
other morning Ma. ! bad the bcauti.
fullest dream last night you ever saW.
dreampt that would not 60 20 school and
that you went out into tho yard and cut
a long switch, bat just AZ you were going
20 give me an awful drcssin' the world
came 70 an ondi Didn't I SET out Of it
easy, though 2
The assurance of the liEhtninrr rod
man was never better illustrated than
the other day when he applied 10 the
president Of a railroad company aud
wanted to put lightning rods on al bis
cars
lightning rods on our eanY asksd
tho latter.
why. certainly
what in the world DO We want them
forT'
Because they make good conductors"
hastily behind him.
Die. for training baseball players
batter pudding
A little boy. few days since. while
coming down stairs was cautioned by hia
mother not 20 lose hin balance. iiia
question which followed was a puEzlor
g Mother. II should lose my balance.
where would Il SO tor
A jester In the court Of Francis l. com
planned that q great lord threatened 20
murder him II he did not ecNse joking
about him. III he does 20. said the
king Il will hang him In Eve minutes
alter" Il wish your Majesty would hang
him tive minutes before" replied tho
jester
A man being asked. AZ be lay summing
himself on the grass. what was the height
Of bis ambition. replied. To marry . rich
widow with bad cough"
An Essex farmer is obliged 70 chalk
his nose every time he takes a walk
round the farm. 10 save himself from an
old bull which has a strong antipathy 10
red.
IL is common TO hear Of club with
home comforts" Would not a home
with club comforts be an equally good
idea9
The most bashful girl We ever knew was
one who blushcd when asked " she had
not been courting sleep.
These alphabet puns and quirks arc
very numerous and few Of the old ones
are very good Here is one Majesty
stripped Of ita cxtcrnala IL ajcat' This
is more than a Joke. II is \ philosoph.
ical truth. Why IL tho letter like a
sewing machine9 Because u makes
needles needless. More ingenious than
true. By tho way. Here's another that
we recall Why IL tho absence Of tho let.
ter m like the presence Of a hand.orFan
Because, Of course. q. makes u.aio OF
music There is another Y ia the ith
Of July When pronounced orally, t
sounds like an unfinished conundrum.
and rhe cnunciator thereof like an idiot
whereas IL is, la fact, great photographic
truth.
Last week an Objectionable paper was
suppressed Ia Cincinnati Tho Publisher
defended himself By bringing into court
a copy Of Homer'a "iliad. Dean swiits
works. FieldinF's Tom Jones. Don
Juan" Mrs. Bchn's novels. and other
standard publications The German ius.
tics declined 20 look az the marked pas.
saEss: but only said see hcre' ] tolo
YOU W doan't did no In dose remote
achis aud sent him up.
lie was an applicant ior the position Of
writing teacher ia ono of our public
schools. They gave him a copy book aud
asked him for n specimen 81 what no
could do. lie took up a pen. and. In q
handwriting that looked like the trail %
a bunch Of scawcod IN a jersey mud.bank,
wrote as follows Sorrcr doesn't Kill
foxes As fast as green gooseburys.
The following from q Chicago source
may be received with some reserves
"Last Tucsdav. while sd Louis Young