The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1876-03-16
4 MOlher-In-LaW's Fast RIde.

Joe. s. is the unfortunate possesst :
of a mother-in-law, and, what he
probably thought more OF, among his
horses was one known as Quaker.
| Now Quaker was q good roader, and
would jerk wagon with two in it ia
2:51 on the road, and the harder he
was pulled IN, and the more he was
yelled at, the faster he meant to go.
In fact, when q competing horse
ranged alongside, and = strong pull
was taken accompanied with ytlIs, be
thought he must do his level best on
trotting; and you Uet he did it. Not
many years ago when the county fair
was held where Master Joe then
lived, he had old Quaker hitehed up
I to q 130 pound three-qnarter-seated
wagon, and as he was getting in bis
mother-;n-law wished to go with him.
He informed her that he w9s going to
the town clerks Office at the lower
end of the village (sbout mile), and
\ IL she was in hurry to return, she
| would have to drive back alone, and
then cramped the wagon for her ad-
mittance and with head dropping
and slouching gait, old Quaker walked
along, taking the Ill assOrted-pair to
the CLERKS office.
Now, be it known, Joe dearly loves
fuu, and will have it as often as p1ssi-
BILE; while mother-in-law is q rigid,
oId-fashioned, sky-oIue Baptist, un-
doubtedly very good, butuufortuuate-
ly possessed With the ids1 that to
laugh IL to sin.
Il 50 happened that every team at
that time was going to the fair
grounds, or else walking; so Quaker
had no chance t0 "score up,p but just
as they arrived at the office Of the town
clerk, s. saw Jack Burns coming on
his way to the fair. Now Jacks mare
had the reputation OF being four or
five seconds faster than old Quaker.
To turn Quaker around, jump out, ad-
wise mother-in-law to drive slow along
home, was but q minutes work, and
then holding up his hand to attract
Jacks attention, he told him he
would pay chicken fxings, ct ceteras,
In he would range alongside Quaker at
speed, yell and spirit the old horse up
/ the street to the fair grounds
entrance. A nod, Jack touches Lady
Cutler with his whip, sings out git
and laws for Quaker who hearing
the stopper coming, grabs at his bit.
| Mother-in-law takes hold OF the
reius in front of the buttons; puts feet
against brace in front, and as the lady
ranges alongside, Jack yelling lively,
mother-in-law takes the strongest
mill. screaming whoa 20 stop her
tianimiIe.D But he didn't stop-nOt
enough to steady him good ; whoa he
evidently considered to be meant for
8 sell TO the other horse, and squatted
tn go his level best, and just did 1t.
Now you bet ! Burns was actually
l getting behind. and, warming up TO
his work, he ecommeneed in right good
earnest to sing out, "Hi J Yarr Go
er long What are you about Git,
won't yer ?" And she did git-nioe-
sstoth on 'em.n The people they
passed, seeing their speed, and the old
iady's Lat on the back of her neck,
her shawl streaming out behind and
the courage with which she hung on
to the lines, elapped their hands and
encouragingly sung out, "GoOd old
gal p'-"Gay old gal u'-''Gsy old
bird r'-"Bully for old Quaker ="
And as they passed the two hotels,
the fast boys on the piaZzas gave them
three cheers with a yim-ln fact with
several extra Wins.
Joe's mother-in-law took the first
evening train for her Green Noun
tain home. His parting words were,
'she should not allow her to drive
lQnaker again, ns he had cautioned her
to drive slow, aud she had gone and
beat one Of the fastest horses in the
town. -
/ Joe said next day. with q quiet
twinkle in his eye. that his wife did
not give him "s curtain lecture" that
night, aud when parties put up their
little bets on it, he proved by JACK
Burns that they went out to Pitts
burgh for their chicken ixings and ct
ceteras, and didn't get back until six
O'Clock next morning.