The Canton mail. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 18??-1882, 1876-02-19
BUTTERUJCK'S KNESS.
is Set Forth by The Gossipy Mrs. B"ttcrtcick
TO DecOU (syjuycs

/
10 Decom Gvin.cs.
| Deacon Grimes called the other da,
upon Mrs. Butterwick to ask for a sub
scription to the Missionary Society. TIL
following conversation took place:
"YOur husband is Presbyterian,
believe, Mrs. Butterwick ?" said thu
deacon.
"No," replied Mrs. b., abe belongs t,
pretty near everything else on earth but
the church. That's what say TO him, thai
while he is joining so much he'd better
join something decent, that II do him some
good. But he says he has no time. He
belongs to about forty-six secret societies
of various kinds. He's the awfuIest man
for such things you ever saw and all the
time running after them. Monday night
he goes round to the Freemasons, Tues
day he associates with the Odd Fellows,
Wednesday is his Red Man night, Thurs
day is his temperance lodge, Friday he
goes foOling along with the Knights, Of
Pythias, and all day Sunday he is visit
ing the sick and the widows and orphans
of the dead members. If there were sixty
would have some lodge to attend to every
night.
Mr.. Grimes, that man actually says
he knows ninety-three grips and over two
mysterious about them. The other day
l saw him swinging his arms about kinder
queer at breakfast, and presently he stops
and says: Thunder, 1 forgot where I
was! Mary Jane, you saw that? 1t
was grand hailing sign! Swear you'll
never reveal it!' And you know he'll
wake up at nights and ask ME if heard
him talking in his sleep, and if say
yes he'll look scared to death, and get
out his pistol, and say he'll blow my
brains out if l ever repeat one of those
passwords. And he is all the time prac-
ticing grips on me, but he won't even
tell me what any of them are, although
he knows Pm just dying with curiosity.
He says he knows more secrets than any
other man in the whole state, and he
says that if he was to tell one of them
those Knights and Patriotic Sons, and
the rest of them, would put him into
vault and seal him up alive, or tear him
to pieces with red hot pincers. Says
they'd bruise him into eternity quicker'n
wink. Worries me nearly to death.
S'pese'n he was to become temporarily
insane and gush it all out, what'd become
of me and the children?
He's 50 careless, too. l see him Civ
ing that grand mailing sign to the slop-
man yesterday, and the slopman asked
Bridget if MIR. Butterwick had the st.
Vitus dance bad; and 1 know when he
tried one of those grips on the man that
came to tune the piano, the man said
that if he squeezed his hand that hard
again he'd give Mr.. Butterwick bloody
nose.
And as for professions. Well, it
seems to me that when Mr.. Butterwick
amt at a lodge he is marching in /; pro-
cession. Always some funeral or celebra-
ton or something, and he turns out and
goes skipping around through the streets,
dressed in cooked hat and sword, and
looking fierce enough to frighten any
body out of their wits. And he told me
that sometimes he gets all these grips
mixed, and he'll give a Mason the Odd
Fellows grip, and he'll come home as
white as a. sheet, and tell me not to be
surprised if he is kidnapped and made
way with before morning. And he'll
kiss the children goodbye, and make his
last little arrangements SOS everything'n
be straight when he's gone; and then
the children and nell cry, and he will
look solemn, and go to bed to rest before
he meets his doom. But nothing ever
came of it. They never touched him.
"You just ought to see the letters that
come here directed to him. E. But
terwick,' and then whole alphabet of
letters strung after his name. He's
Right Worshipful Grand Master, and
Sir knight, and an Eminent Passed
Grand Sachem, and High and Mighty
Heptasoph, and Chief Magnificent
Reverend Druidied Priest, and a whole
lot more such things as that, enough to
take your breath away; and with it all
he's no more stuck up than you are.
Just as humble as a lamb. And he says
he can reel out more stuff that they say
at their ceremonies than'd fill small Ii
brary; and he has about sixty sheepskin
aprons, with all kinds of pictures on
them, that he wears when he's on duty.
$50 he has no time to tend to church,
and no money for the heather. He
spent his last dollar Saturday paying up
his past dues to the Knights of Pythias,
and he says if he can't settle with the
Druids by Thursday they'll cut him off
and chuck h i'm out. l don't know what
happens 10 IL man lieu the DTul,Is shut
down on him, but Butterwick hints that
it's not much better than sudden death.
Perhaps you're Druid? No? Well,
YOU call and see Butterwick and he'll ex-
plain it to you, and meantime those
heathen'lI have to shuttle along the best
way they can. Maybe if you was to
write to them how Butterwick is fixed
they might consider that sufficient.
Good morning. Remember me to Mrs.
Grimes"
Then the deacon withdrew and went
around to visit less mysterious family.
U-TTEIL BODE."
1t was sweet, and I'll tell you how
Imam, The girl with a blonde fringe