Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-07-01
A MAN OF PARTS.
A Few Of the Stories that will be
fold Before the Canvass is over,

"What do you think of the ticket"
asked Mr.. Maeruder, in the boarding
house, last niglt.
"Toler' r'ble,S said Mr. Maguffiu, .'tol-
e. a5e.'' :, .
Down to the Custom House this morn
ing saw clerk behind the counter try
ing to stave off lot of fellows w.'o
wanted to get their invoices verified. l
asked him what he thought of it, and he
stopped work at once;
'' Think OF it?" he said Its blas.-
er. It'l' draw ike house atire.'
&" Think Governor Hayes will be Re
former?'
.Refolmer! l don't know anythi z
about that, but just look at his war T.
ord. l was in regiment that served
under Hayes at Shiloh. The governo
was a-brandishin' his sword and urgiDc
the boys on, when along came bullc15
and Knocked off his right arm. He just
shi ed his sword to his lett hand, had a
turniquet put on the stump Of his right
arm, and then plunged into the fight
again. Good ticket9 should say so.'
cover in the Appraiser'sO Office fo"nd
the enterprising young man that used to
put the figures IN Charley Lawrence 9
invoices. | asked him what he thought
of the ticket.
Bsissvs BBsiss et tiss goFsfnar Es r4pHs1 Rl pscn IN
for reform?'
:" i don't know what he'll pitch in for I;
but will you just cast your eyes on his
record? Twas in regiment that served
under him at Antietam. The governor
was brandishin' his sword and shoutin'
to the boys to git in, when along come a
bullet and snaked off his left arm. He
Just shifted the sword over to his right
hand, had a hasty tourniquet put on the
stump of his left arm, and then boiled
into the fight again. Draw? He'll draw
like blast furnace!
"Happening in at the Post Office,
asked one Of the boys who were 'rastlin'
the mails, how the ticket struck him.
"'Itll sweep the countryp
"'Do you suppose Hayes will reform
Hey? / didn't catch that" and the
young man put his hand up TO his ear.
1 repeated the question.
"'Oh, yes; reform. Well, now, |
really can't say whether he'll be a re-
former or not but will you Just let your
eye rest on his war record for mo-
ment? was under him in regiment
that served at Gettysburg. The govern
or was brandIshin' his sword and hol-
lorin' to the boys to let 'emselves loose,
when along come a bullet and carried
away his right leg. The governor sto p
ped just long enough to have his leg
coopered up, and then he dove into the
battle again. Good ticket? The coun-
try was crying for it!'
''Then l dropped in at one OF the Uni.
ted States court rooms, up stairs, and
asked one of the officials what he thought
of the ticket.
"'A boon to the country, sir; a sweet
hoon'
Z" Think he'll root out the corruption
that defiles the service?'
.''Just how much rootin' he'll do,
am unable to state but may invite you
to consider for moment his war record:
| was in 4 regiment that served under
Hayes in the WILDERNESS. The govern
or was hrandishin' his sword and calling
on the boys to rush forward, when along
came bullet and Topped off his left leg
The governor didn't even get off his
horse lie just tied waist belt around
the leg and went ahead again. Will the
peOplc foIc lol uiu: My liicuu, tuoy II
have to enlarge the ballot-boxes.'
''ln room across the hall ! met !,
United States marshal making out bill
for extra charges. | asked him about
the ticket.
Z" Magnificent he said. magnificent.
8. Think the governor is likely to re
form the Administrations
Now, really, hadn't given the re-
form question much consideration; bu
let me ask you to look at his war record
! was in a regiment that served under
him at Cold Harbor. The governor
was brandishin' his sword and whoopin
tho boys forward, when along came ;
shell and struck him square on the
breast 1t husted inside Of him. ant
tore him into fine hash. We raked hin
into 4 rubber blanket, and were carry
ing him to the bivouac of the dead, bu
the governor wouldn't have it, III,
jumped oIt OF the blanket and sprurg OIL
his horse and went forward, branGishin
his sword. Will he be elected? Jus
you wait and see =
"Anatomically speaking, Mr.. Magru
der, the governor is. or was. a man o
parts; much so but | don't think they
can get him together in ii ne for lection
IL New York Sun.