davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26
Leap Year Rules,

l. Call in a handsome carriage for the
gentleman who is to honor you at eight
o'clock sharp. Entertain the old mamma
for an hour and half, till he finishes his
exquisite toilet. When he comes down
and gives you one finger to press, tell him
he looks lovely tonight, and try to look as
silly as you can.
.. Conduct him tenderly to the carriage
and stow him away on the back seat, with
all his wraps. If it be cold, have hot
brick ready for his little feet. On arriving,
lead him to the warm and elegant dressing
room and go and stick your coverings
somewhere in the little cold dressing-room
under the bed, if you can't do any
better.
3. Button his gloves for him and escort
him to the parlors or ballroom. Seat him
on sofa and yourself-on the wall ada
cent Try to look happy, and rest assured
that you don't succeed.
4. During the evening sec that the gen.
tleman is famed when he is warm,
lemonaded when thirsty, and protected
from draughts. Don't forget to say sweet
and silly things to him whenever oppor-
tunity affords.
5. If the geriSeman be a good dancer
keep him to yourself, and ON no account
suffer him to accept invitations to dance
from ladies prettier than yourself. If he
; be but indifferent leave him to the tender
mercies of the homely girls and the wall.
6. When you invite gentleman t.
dance, say with an idiotic simper: "Mis
taw-, may hov the plezzaw of dawn
, cling this kwardwill with you!' In the
lancers talk Interestingly of the weather
| and in the grand chain tramp on you
t partners coat tails, if possible.
7. Manage to slip out slyly several time
= during the evening, and come in chewin
coffee or " tricks"
t s. At supper stand behind his chair an
. work yourself to white heat keeping hir
j, supplied with the choicest delicacies, bu
J. though you faint, don't taste morsel you
a self until he has laid away the entire bill
IS fare and three plates of ice-cream. If
It wears anything which coffee will. stat
manage to spill some on it.
d 9. When you leave you must not grur
is bic because somebody has sat on your h
" in the little cold dressing-room, or made
Is shoe-brush of your cloak, but you nj
20 swear little on the stairs.
1t 10. Put on his Arctic overshoes for hi
n and place him in the carriage. Now
n back to the dressing-room for him at lea
a. three times for stray fans and GLOW,
lie Yawn all the way home. Curse the driv
ID for not stopping exactly before his p'
front door. Say good night, and whisp
in coachee to stop at Hellery's on the way
of your residence
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26
WHOLE NO. 1895.

HIS LITTLE GRoCERY.-He was a clean
looking scolored man of advanced age, and
when he entered a wholesale house on
Vesey street, n. Y, one of the clerks
politely informed him that the situation Of
porter was already filled.
"Does 1 look like man who'd be re-
garded as a porter?" demanded the stran-
ger.
"Ah! excuse me-
"No, sar, dom want to.be porter I'zo
one Of de solid men OBJ Newark, and I'ze
here on portant business"
He wanted goods. There was lots of
goods there, and it was very easy to suit
him as to prices, but he had no money and
no Recommendation.
"De pay is sure in sixty days." he urged.
"But you can't give security"
"What you wants of security? Won't de
goods be dar?'
"You may have sold them!'
Den won't de money be dar all counted
out on the counter? And if de money ain t
dar, won't be dar? And if l amt dar, and
de ole woman's gone, and de children can t
be found, can't be frowed into bankruptcy
and all smashed up?''
But he didn't get any goods.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Two sons of Erin, shoveling sand on a
hot day, stopped to rest, and exchanged
views on the labor question. Pat, this is
mighty hard work we're at" at is,
indade, Jimmy; but what kind of work is
it you'd like if ye could get it?" "Well,"
said the other, leaning reAectively on his
shovel and wiping the perspiration with the
back of his hand, for a nice, aisy, clane
business, think l would like to be .
bishop"
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26
POeirY.
THE TWO WORKERS.

Two workers in one field
Toiled on from day TO day,
Both had the same hard labor,
Both had the same small pay;
With the same blue sky above,
The same green grass below,
One soul was full love
The other full of woe.
One leaped up with the light,
With the soaring of the lark,
One felt it ever night.
For his soul was ever dark;
One heart was hard as stone,
One heart was ever gay;
One worked with many a groan,
One whistled all the day.
One had fower-clad cot
Beside merry mill,
Wife and children near the spot
Made it sweeter, fairer still;
One a wretched hovel had,
Full of discord, dirt and din,
No wonder he seemed mad.
Wife and children starved within!
Still they worked in the same field,
Toiled on from day to day.
Both had the same hard labor,
Both had the same small pay;
But they worked not with one will,
The reason let me tell
10! the one drank at the still,
And the other at the well.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26
SMYRNA, DEL, WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON, APRIL &C. 1876.

fancied they would find him. twas hardly |
a stones throw from the road and the ford,
but such quiet, soothing, winsome little
nook that it might have been fragment
of some other world. He was lying upon
the grass, with his arms under his head,
and his feet hidden from sight by the fallen
leaves. He could almost have reached the
river with his hands, but the murmuring of
it there in the bend among the bewildering
roots and stones was so soft and SO uncer-
tain that it seemed only an echo. A clus-
ter of haw- bushes, bending beneath an
overplus of fading and shriveling wood
bine, shut off the vision on the south, as the
river bank did on the west and the north
but on the east, up the steep bluff, beyond
the massive decaying tree-trunk that lay in
the edge of the thicket of hazels like some
great broken-hearted giant, was the little
arbor in the rear of the widow Hainline's
house, where the honeysuckles grew, and
where the widow often sat in the cool of
the late afternoon with her sewing. When
they reused him, Perky turned his eyes in
that direction a moment, then closed them
again, and said as if in reverie, d" must
have been dreaming"
They stood waiting around for some
minutes in an undecided way, and then the
editor gently raised him to sitting post
ure, and he tried to smile as he looked from
one to another of them and said, $50 on
with your picnic don't mind me-
No one spoke when he sunk down again
upon the grass and leaves; but Aunt Naomi
Seybold took off her shawl and made q
pillow of it for him and buttoned his open
coat over his breast, for it was nearly sun
down, and there was chill in the air from
off the river. He appeared to be sleeping
| the Widow Hainline thought, as she leaned
, forward and gazed intently upon him ou
, of the shadow of the maple just back o
where his head lay; and Benny knew sh'
Y must be very, very pale, she trembled so a
e he felt her put an arm around him an'
G press him to her side.
c The setting sun flooded the crisped ant
n stained foliage with transient ecstasy Q
n little and sat upright again and said h
c wished Benny would hurry back, for it wa
:. growing dark. The widow walked rapid
: around in front of him where the res
were, and knelt close to him, and took HI
-, hand in hers. "Julia, darling" he mu
-, tered, with harsh laugh that was half
=, moan, and fell back as if all his strengt
if had suddenly failed him. How she stoope
% and kissed him-on the lips, on the eye
"a on the forehead-and rising to her fee
n met the questioning stares of those abo1
: her with a look that would have been teri
% BILE but for the abounding tenderness the
- was in it, as she exclaimed.
. "I was once his wife, God help him!'
~ "Then he's my father, isn't he mammal
os cried Benny, and we'll take him home
II "Oh, child" they heard Aunt Nao1
ot sobbing, "he's-he's done gone home"
~ When they turned to see what she mea
or she was covering his cold, still face with h
Nc handkerchief.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Mr.. Clymers first name is not H'isted, as
some of the papers have it.-Philadclphia
Bulletin. No, it is not but Mr.. Clymer
may be, if the investigation is allowed to
proceed.-Noristorn Herald Exactly so;
he may get H'isted as high as Presi-
dental election. How is that for Hi?-
Philadelphia Chronicle. That would epretty
good for "Hi,'' but decidedly bad for the
country. But he is not Clymer enough to
get that " "Hi."-Nevspaper Reporter.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

The Roman Leader relates the following {;
" At the Division Court yesterday witness
was under examination in the case of an
unpaid account. Judge Boyd put the
question TO him: Z" What IS your oceupa-
ton ?" The witness did not seem to un-
derstand the meaning of the word "occu-
PATTON" and answered with Eh?" The
Judge" What do you do for living 2"
Witness" Oh, my wife's dressmaker!"
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Don't talk about your war record where
there are young boys. An old veteran was
relating his exploits the other day in a
promiscuous crowd, and mentioned having
been in five engagements. That's
nothing" broke in sprightly juvenile,
"my sister Alice has been engaged more'n
eleven timesr'
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Mr. Buckle states that human nature has
changed very little in the last three thou
sand years, but we do not remember any
record of a Roman Senator trying to
account to his wife for light deposit of
pearl powder on the left shoulder of his
toga on the ground that he had been play
ing checkers in a grist mill.-NoTTisto'c,s
R,i1Iefju
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

A devoted father entered a saloon with a
horse-whip one night last week, and found
his son playing euchre. He tanned the
young mans jacket and sent him home,
and then sat down and finished the game
himself
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Mary Il say, Mrs. Mccarthy, this 'ere's
very bad cabbage" Mrs. M:-"Shure
now, and is it, honey? Then pick another.
Bless yer, young cabbages is like sweet
hearts; you must thry halfa-dozen fore We
gets a good n."-Fsm.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

"Ill be good man, and give up cards,
and smoking, and chewing, and drinking,
and give you diamond engagement ring"
said the lover.
90, Edward, you are so good" and she
leaned her frizzes on his shoulder.
And there they sat and sat, until the
soft arms of night, that dusky nurse of the
world, had folded them from sight, ponder
ing, planning, thinking-she ofthe diamond
ring, and he of how on earth he was to get
II
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Anybody can tell you what you ought to
do, but he alone stirs you to do it who is
trying to do it himself. During the war an
impassioned speaker who said &C.," was
hissed down, while the man who said
" Come" was loudly applauded.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

One of our citizens is blessed with very
stubborn wife. This popularity of disposi-
ton in his wife is no secret among his
associates, and one of them meeting him
the other day, asked
"W-, do you know why you are like a
donkey?"
Like a donkey!' echoed W, opening
his eyes wide. "No, DON'T
"Because your better half is stubborn
ness itself"
"That's not bad. I'll give that to my
wife when I get home"
"Mrs. w" he asked, as he sat down
to supper, "do you know why am like a
donkey"
He waited moment, expecting his wife
to give it up. But she didn't. She looked
at him somewhat commiseratingly as she
answered.
~ suppose because you were born So
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

A man who contracted debt of $ll43
promised to pay it in two installments.
Last week he forwarded $ll, and promised
to send the other $4S as soon as the times
got better.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

The recent shower of flesh in Bath
county, KY, has provoked quite religious
revival among the colored population there.
They seat themselves about in little groups,
with their faces turned upward, as if the
heavens were full of mutton chops, and
sing;
Kun set yere, hungary niggah,
Kun set yere on the groun',
De Lawd he am gwine
To froW de yittalS down
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Wheat is four feet high in Texas. They
have tarantulas in Florida, oranges in Cali
fornia, and influenza in Boston. Come.
gentle Spring.-M Z Graphie.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Farm laborers in Vermont are engaging
themselves at fifteen dollars per month and
board, where last year twenty-five dollars
was paid.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

Fifteen thousand punches ofiviolets are
sold daily in Paris.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

A CLOCK THAT REGULATES THE GIRLs.-A
matchmaker has invented a patent COM
penso-retarding-acceler clock for use
in families where they keep unmarried
daughters in stock. If the young man is
of an eligible sort, the retarding attach
ment is turned on and the clock compounds
with old Time at eighty minutes to the
hour, so that A. NJ, the next morning it
only indicates about 1l.05 p. NJ, the night
before, and the young woman is perfectly
justified in saying: go, don't, it is early
yet" when the young man reaches for his
hat. On the other hand, if he should not
be desirable, they just shove up the indica-
tor to boiling point, and at half-past nine
it is nearly > o'clock. The patentee, casting
himself upon the generosity of discerning
public, invites patrons to increase the eff
cheney of his invention by judicious yawns
and remarks, as" Dear me! How the time
does fly" and in extreme cases an admira-
bic effect may be producted by the father
coming in with bedroom candlestick,
saying "Good night, Amanda. Before
you go to bed, see that when the girl gets
up in the morning she leaves on the milk
pitcher No family should be without it.
THEY WOULD Born BE CAUGHT-Some
years ago, bill was introduced in the
Indiana Legislature to tax all attorneys and
iackasses $400 each. Mr.. Norris, citizen
of Somerset county, Nd, having gotten
hold of it, and greatly elated at the joke
upon lawyers, called on Hon. John w.
Crisfield, a prominent lawyer of Princess
Anne.
"Good morning Mr.. Crs6sld."
"Good morning, Mr.. Norris" rejoined
the former.
"Have you heard the news from Indi'
ana ?" pursued Mr.. Norris.
What is that?" replied Crisfield.
"Why, they are men of sense in lndi'
ana; they are getting up law there to tax
all the lawyers and jackasses in that State
$400 apiece, replied the latter rubbing his
hands with pleasure at the thought.
The veteran lawyer reflected moment
on the information, and then gravely
rejoined:
"Well, friend Norris, it is lucky for you
and me that we don't live in Indiana; Me5
,coe,ld catch JOth Of as.
Smyrna times., 1876-04-26

7 suppose because you were born So"
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06
NEW YORK HERALD TUESDAY. JUNE g. l87s-TRIPLE SHEET


IMAM LINE.-MAiL. .srEAMEks * ,,,,,.,,oo,
FOR QuEENsrOwS AND LiVEEroot1.
CITY OF CHESTER. Saturday. June ~ at A. NJ
CITY " klCiIM0SD......sa SATURDAY. June r. at q.
CITY OF BERLIN Saturday. July l, AZ r. NJ
From pier IS North River .
Cabin $40 and 500. gold Return tickets on favorable
terms sieer2ge <s. CURRENCY. Drshs issued AZ lowest
John q. DALE Agent.
Is and 81 broadway. New YORK
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06
PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD.
GREAT rEuNk LINE

DENNSYLvANIA RAILROAD.
AM, AND x uSifHS sfS SSS NALL III sou1E -.
Trains leave York vim Desboses and Cortandt street
Express harrisburg, p.ssur the Yves. and South with
sands pa'ee and dass = ana ~
FG and S ask as Cary ar .na E os
csSs and as sn s sss South Limited Wash.
ngton Express Of puilmsn psror daily sun
Say s .s ana s ry4ssans'on 4iof Rssa
Esps.. Sr + B. BIZ + aid Is ps sunday a y
d I ssS "A /: 4: G%ssaa: sne ,sssas class.
49, ss 10 50 4 A. is 50 s.' 50 AMI
s%ss 1s.;
Tss; ssi daily. sgs Dls';sa ~ =; daily .ss
sSnd.y a SsG1 " sunday saS n From
Philadelphia, 10, 20 -, 1919 a 20 s.! a n;
day. a' H. and oT % t. 4, Il Nm
TsS Ss Of S and and No. ae moss
Brooklyn; Nos -. nc and Iis hadsou Hoboksn
fEsgK rn s5si :s No. Battery P.ss BOYD J
General Manager. General Passenger Agent
RoNDoUT AND KINGSTON. CONNECTING WITH
fas West Pontl, Cornwall Nswburs: Msrlboro Milton
sna BGDwiN IaaSs daily pier foot Spring
St. North rssr nj 4 = y.
CTONINGTOS LINE FOX BOSTON.
RHODE isIsSp and from
pier 81 Norta River foot Of Jay st.. NJ 5 r. n.
hom "a North River loot OF Park steamships
ELECTRA and GALArnA. NJ 4s'oP NJ
VNEST POINT, SEwBUEG. PUUGHKEEPSIE AND
w return same day by day lane steamers
EXCURSIONS.
4 THE GREAT KING or TIGHT ROPE ARTISTS
IN. JOHN DENIER.
viii perform his wonderful gymnassie dsass on Monday
Fort Lee q
30 FEET LONG AND CD FEET HIGH
For these he has received massive gold
rcdas from AL OF tho globe The following remarka
BILE icats viii he performed =:
Crossing the backward aud forward
Laying down at full length the rope.
Crossing with his feet in small hoop.
Gro sing with his bi!ndodcd, cnvsopsd In heavy
sack. concluding W th his orisns master feat
TIKI FLYING BAR
Performances commence 1t 4 Y. NJ
Fort Lee leave Canal NJ 10 A. NJ and r.
NJ landing 4h 8. and Saith minutes later.
turning leaves Fert Lee ~ r. ~ Round trip 25c Per-
Torrance free.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06

A FISHING BANKS EVERY DAY SATURDAYS
a. except d. -Dccan steamer SETH LOW. leaving
Harrison II. North River sth East Hivcr. pier
- Ea.t River, 10: ION North River 40 pier
North River. ) A " Tickets, 81
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06
RII5E',sirAUKAl..Nli'TI's'.,

A -A.--OPkNINu THIs DAY OF STEIN FIELDS
~. Depot IL celebrated French Co~nac Btcfs
Nassau st. The haldsonlest Lunch and Sample down
town An elexsns fres Lunch commencing Noon
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06

NORTH GERMAN LLOYD. -.
In STEAMSHIP LINE BETWEEN NEW YORK.
SOUTHAMPTON AND BREMEN
Co,upany's pier foot Of I'd St.. H0boken.
NECKAR Saturday June 10 MoskL Saturday, june =
Rates OF passage from New York 70 Southampton Havrs
Bremen =: .
$50 currency.
Return Tickets ut reduced rates
Prepaid Sseerage Certificates, $50 currency.
For reight passage apply to
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-06-06

LIVERY LAWYER WHO REGARDS CONFOR1
IL should the celebrate. Hat the light
est comfortable stylish dessy hat ever intro
duecd: price 81 ~. Found only a. sHAYSkS walisck
Theatre building.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1876-05-23
PRESBYTERIAN ASSEMBLY.

THREE BUSINESS SESSIONS YESTERDAY.
A SEASON OF THANKSGIVING TO BE HELD-DIscUs-
SION on EDUCATION AND OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
MORALS or THEOLOGICAL sTUDENTs-sElF-sUP-
PORTING AND MISSION CHURCHEs-THE ASSEM-
BLY, NOT To VISIT PHILADELPHIA
The principal subjects discussed during the fourth
day Of the Presbyterian General Assembly were Edu-
cation and SustentaiOn, and speeches were made by
Prof Charles A. Aiken Of Princeton, the Rev. Drs.
Jonathan Edwards, William Speer, S. {. Logan NJ.
w. Jacobus, and others. 1t was resolved to devote
an hour during the session to giving thanks to God
for His goodness during the 100 years just ending.
DR. Prime announced that the Committee on the
Closing of the Philadelphia Exhibition on Sunday
would meet the Centennial Commissioners to-mor-
row at 4 p. M, and that the Assembly as whole
would not be invited to visit Philadelphia account
of the incompleteness of the arrangements for I'M
vailing the WitherspoOn statue.
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1876-05-23
NETWORK DAILY TRIBUNE TUESDAY, MAY 20 1910.

ro,,,ve debt there was vet deficiency in the supply Of
funds amounting TO than $4,000, so tbat o. ia
tne r@sut Notwithstanding tho reduction OF 80 per
cent on the grants made through tnat ye .ia
mrni nnon the previons year Then the reduction was
SO per cent, only about % per cent Inc recep.d
those Of the year preceding by 1874 80 The amount
Of funds for current use; received from |'iy 10
SIS O55 90 the whole OF which has been expended
Tne distribution has been made on the @ S
az 97 uresbyteries scattered through "a out OF thc %
syns Of u Church The number Of new appneauoiis
ior the TO which approPPat4h nav and orphan
Tne whole number OF families to whose support th1 III
lI6: widows OF minister's 2O0; orphan falhlies' III
FrRTUER DISCUSSION on sUsTEN iATIoN.
The attendance at the evening session Of the Assembly
WAS comparatively small many OF the delegates Delhs
absent The Rev Dr. Kendall Secretary OF the Board Oh
Home Missions, made address In which nc said tha
the advocates of Church sustcntaton had overlooked INC
real work and motives OF the Board of Home Missions
The Board had always tried 10 stimulate new
to help themselves, and lad succeeded Oei,eI
rn d o 1O'"s salares paid to home missionaries
was due to the fact that the church il not he
mis9nnrrs would be unjust because ii 900 IN New
Jersey was worth to minister no more inn nil
niucI in the West where minister usually owned
farm and was better circumstances tian any oi us
cuurch members Tne best way Woud De 70 gto any m
UoarI of Home Missions discretionary power, anu
let it manage Churca sustentltion. such pan "0u''
Tho Rey g. G. Tofne Of Geneva gave history OF his
own chulch which, said, has been built up To I9ur
sbng conIiiion b. the sustenatiOn scheme. The ROY
Joshua Cooke Fort Dodge, Iowa gave an account vi
church built up 10y aid OF tine Board OF Home Mls'os
TAG Rev Dr. Edwards said that Church snstehtdt ion
should be made important IN the estimation oi ue
Cnurch. Tue aggressive work or the ChuIch III
THIS country, lie said will one day cease, put Ine
work of sstontatiOn will always 20 on Inc ho' DI'
Kcmpshall complained that report OF tue COmnee
aud the speeches had 80 confused MN tbat nc u no.
know what sustcntdtiOn WAS. lie thought tne lcpOlt
should he bOed down until IL was lnc!lglDle 10 men
Ike himself On motion Of the hey Dr Knox te relIrt
Was referred to IA committee OF seY,n persons 10 NC
selected by Moderator. DR.. Van Dyke announce
that IA. would give the names Of the committee Ia the
morning TIE Assembly then adjourned win prayer
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1876-05-23
PROMINENT ARRIVALS.

FIN 1rcnue HO,ei-Aiarqais dc Rochambeau OF the
French Centennial Commission, judge neoTge RI Ios,oSA %
"a lcise ApCrrw y. White resident Of Cornell MYERS
Cen Arson OF Chicago, ehtohsfrssudh Jabo' 81
Mar.iu of Saratoga and William ), F.OFcutc- mr. t.y't
U+s-Wayur aCVcsgnOf Pennsylvania Wtdsgr HGH-
Taymi-ter James Hoy, T. :. y, ana the non ADia
ar At Armenia .CiFrslt0yt IUet-JOhn NcHth u
C.caeo ID tdrr Htei-CODgres smln J-hn ". W NY
ioftss ErsIet IfOAe-haor Augustus
Nt,polsou OF L. = Marine COrps....hL titdm HotI
y.sseur Mct oil te French Centennial ConhSs.oh
New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1876-05-23

COleridgc writes 81 was at dinner once in
company with who listened and said nothing fora
long time, but nodded his head and thought him intel
ligent At length toward the end OF the dinner soma
apple dum"lings were set the table and my bid
no sooner them tina he burst forth with, 'Thems
tie iuckies mel wish SpurZhem could have exam
med the fellows head"