The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1876-04-26
A PAIR OF APRIL FOOLS.

mantle young man, from the earliest
years at which it was possible for him
to claim the title man ; and he was 70.
mantle still, now that the title young
was only accorded to him because of his
bachelorhood.
Mr.. Softheart had never desired to be
a bachelor. He admired the other sez
too much but, although he had been
in love with four blondes, three bru-
nettes, and five young ladies who were
neither one nor the other, he had never
been able to pop the question point
blank, but delicately intimated it in
such way that his meaning would have
been riddle to the Sphinx, and was
naturally enough never successful.
Now, at forty, and growing extremely
stout, he was as romantic as ever and,
moreover, he was desperately in love
with a new idol-a young lady who
smiled when he appeared, gave hun
soft glances, called his bouquets Glove
ly," and preserved them in water.
The fact is, Mr. Softheart was very
we'll off, and not Ill looking, and that
Miss Belinda had made up her mind to
accept his hand whenever it was offered,
despite the persistent attentions of
young Mr.. Spooney, who, though by no
means Ill looking, and just SIX and
twenty, was only government clerk,
and by no means as eligible match In
consequence.
For six months Belinda Bellows had
been waiting for Mr.. Softheart to pro-
pose, and every day more certain that
he positively intended to place his man
sion and bank account at her disposal.
But, though Mrs. Bellows was kind
enough to allow the cook to osummon her
to consultations when Mr.. Softheart
called, and SO leave the pair alone to-
gether; and although Belinda's sister,
Miss Angelina, was equally considerate,
and invariably remembered that some
thing she wanted very particularly was
up stairs, when her mother went to
speak to the cook, poor Mr.. Softheart
never could bring himself to the point
of saying: evil you have me9" It
would, he argued, confuse the young
lady and himself and if she should say
no, whereas the floor never opened on
such awful occasions to receive rejected
lovers where should he hide himself ?
"I1l do it by letter." he said to him
self, after long consideration. "Women,
80 far, have misunderstood me. I'll do
it in black and white now-say, 'Will
you marry mea' in so many words, and
decide my fate"
And so, on the last day of March, MIR.
Softheart wrote, on pink tinted paper,
perfumed with Rimmel's scent and
edged with gold, an offer OF his hand
and heart, as plainly to be understood
as bill from ones baker; and, feeling
that he had done safe, though coarse
thing, he enveloped, sealed it, and put
it in his pocket, before he made his
evening call on his beloved Belinda.
Now it 80 happened that that very
evening Belinda herself had come to a
resolution. Her twenty-fifth birthday
was approaching, and she could not
afford to "waste time"
When Mr.. Softheart reached the house
of the Bellows, he found the field quite
clear. Miss Belinda had artfuly con-
trived that it should be 80. That per-
fidious young person had actually pur-
chased tickets for concert; requested
young Spooney, who was half mad with
Joy at the idea, to accompany Angelina
and herself; and on the evening in ques-
ton was smitten with O terrible attack
of neuralgia. Reclining in chair, with
lace 'kercbief held to her cheek, she
regretted her inability to 60; but, after
all, Mr.. Spooney should not have his
trouble for nothing-mamma and An
gelina would go. She bad rather be
alone, she was 30 cross and nervous.
They really must 60. And, knowing
very well why, the ladies acquiesced;
and what could Spooney do9 As agen-
tleman, clearly nothing but regret Miss
Belinda's illness, and be delighted with
the society of the mamma of fifty and
the sister of fifteen.
Yet wretched man was Mr.. Spooney
that night; aud both his companions,
on their return, pronounced him "stu-
pid."
Ten minutes after the departure OF
the trio, Miss Belinda, arrayed in blue
silk, with flowers in her hair, was play
ing at such a rate on the piano that it
seemed quite certain that the demon
neuralgia must have vanished. She did
not even hear Mr.. Softheart's knock,
and started in sweet confusion on his
appearance.
"I'm all Alone" she said. "Mamma
and Lima won't be home until eleven
o'clock. I'm afraid you'll find it very
stupid"
But Mr.. Softheart was not afraid of
that; and the two talked together in low
voices, sitting very close to each other
on twin chairs. Mr.. Softheart looked
and sighed and uttered romantic senti-
ments, but he did not pop the question.
Miss Belinda did all that amodestyoung
lady could to further this object, but in
vain.
She did not know-how could she p
that at the door Mr.. Softheart had said
to Biddy, the housemaid: "Look here,
girl, put this in Miss Belinda's room,
where she will be sure to see it" and
that he had presented her with the billet
containing his proposal, crowned by q
five shilling piece
How should she guess that even at
that moment the offer Mr.. Softheart
could not make in words was in he1
work basket2 At all events, she did
not.
If tho man did not avail himself Of
such chance, after six months court
ship, plain even to the servants in the
kitchen, why he meant nothing. And
the unhappy, unlucky Mr.. Softheart did
not utter the expected words, and left at
quarter to eleven, with quotation from
Byron and sigh. =.
"He's contemplate hirt !" said
Miss Belinda. "What did he mean by
squeezing my hand and by signing so,
and by saying such pretty things, and
BY looking in my eyes soa Gentlemen
friends never do such things. III show
him my heart is not broken. I'll marry
Spooney."
And Belinda wept, for she was bitter.
ly mortified, and Mr.. Spooney did not
own large mansion.
Belinda wept, as we have said, and
went to bed in the dark. Of course she
did not see the letter il her work basket,
and no one else saw it, until the first Of
April dawned. %.
Now, in their normal condition, with
no love affair on the tapis, the Bellows
were merry people, who indulged in
practical jokes, and April FOOLS day was
always regularly kept in the family. A
new trick was always Matching the year
thronnh and bundles of rubbish were