Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-12-06
WITTICISMS.

sylvania wife-whipper.
IT will not do to report that man is
corned because his voice is husky.
WILD oats can be soWn at any season
of the year.
A GLOVE dealer is doing good bust
ness when large part Of his stock is
on hand.
If q bird in the hand is worth two in
the bush, is a mole in the face worth
two in the ground?
"THEsE returning boards" said Mrs.
Darlington, "show that there are hon
est men who return them"
WHAT is that which flies high, flies
low, has no feet, yet wears shoes?
Dust.
In Key West they voted in panamas
a nd white duck suits: in Minnesota the
thermom eter scored zero. What
country What people!
The man who was "moved to tears"
complains of the dampness of the
premises, and wishes to be moved back
again.
A TEACHER tainted, the other morn
ing, and little girl, described it at
home, said, "She was so tainted they
couldn't come her to.
PATRICK, lamenting his late better
half, said: "Och, she was a jewel of
wife. She always struck me with the
soft end of the mop"
The American, no matter what may
be his station, is determined to rise.
Tweed went away in common schoon :
er and returns IN a great ship, the guest
of the greatest nation the sun e'er
scorched.
The "when was at the Centennial"
man and woman are now beginning to
cast dark shade over life. 1t is inev-
liable, however, and perhaps fortunate,
for it gives the weather a rest in ball
room gossip, and is a topic within reach
of all comprehensions.
The clear, crisp, star-lit winter nights
are near at hand, when the love-smitten
country swain bitches his horse to the
sleigh and drives seventeen miles to get
his nose frozen, and discovers that his
girl has gone off to a party with some
other fellow.
Two gallons of whisky were con-
sumed by colored man before he fully
|
1t was then discovered that he had been
stung by wasp. The men who con-
tributed the whisky were too mad to
speak above whisper.
The course of true love runs very
rough indeed. Four years ago a Nor
wlch woman was married; the next
year she got divorced; the next year
after that she was married to another
man who was divorced from wife for
that purpose; this year she has applied
for divorce again.-Noyavich Bulletin
A RELIGIOUS paper tells of q clergy
man who bears grudge against New
Jersey because Jersey man for whom
he had performed the wedding cere-
mony asked, 'shall I pay now or when.
| come for the certificate ?" The
modest minister said, 90, when you
come for the certificate" and the docu-
ment has never been called for.
SCENE IN INDIANA-A weary old man
Third street, with large bundle of cod
fish in his lap, and he held a large and
patient old COW by a rope tied around
her horns. He was sober enough to
remark that it was the Eager" thai
chained him to that bridge and would
) not let him go to his home beyond the
river.-Ierre Haaae Express.
"THIs," said the private secretary to
the railroad manager, is letter five
pages long, from the editor of the Bung
town Banner, asking for some statistics
and miscellaneous information concern
ing the road, which he desires to incor-
porate into an article soon to be pub
lished, that cannot fail to be of great
interest to his readers, and will possibly
be of value to the road. The circula-
ton Of the Bonner is" Skip that"
said the manager; tu1n over to the
postscripts a nd see how far he wants
the pass for"
THE Louisville Go ,1er-Joau7sal has re-
ceived the following from the champion
walker of the United States: "Sentan-
mel Phila nov 4th rs Louisville fourier
Journal Sirs I this Day write Short
Statement of my walk Clame to Be
the old pioneer of Indianna Lived in
from 1907 and 1876 walkd phila to Sen.
tannel l am the Champion of United
States in age and Time / do ask that
Suitable Medal be warded / wish all
the Journels in the west To Say Wheth-
er am worthy if So title help is
needed pioneer Of Ind Champion
walkest of america in age & Time G.
w. Diesz."
"YoUR figures are higher than they
were a year ago. said country dealer
of wholesale merchant in talking
about the price of some commodity for
which he was bargaining. "No," re-
piled the merchant, laying down the
newspaper and with far away vacant
expression in his eyes, "you must be
making comparison now with the vote
of 1875, which everybody should know
that the only fair comparison is with
the gubernatorial vote of 1874. Then
IN the river counties the percentage of
gain was in direct ratio to the"
The champion liar of the state is in
our county Jail, A kind-hearted clergy
man asked him how he came to be in
there. The fellow said with tears in
his eyes, that he was coming home
from prayer meeting and sat down to