Litchfield enquirer., 1876-06-22
SUNBEAMS.

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 A Cincinnati fiend advertises for men with fever and ague to shake carpets.
 A man who generally does putty good business The glazier.
 yWatermelons have come in Florida Watermeloncholic piece of news !-Cin. cisvsGH zinnes.
 A kiss on the forehead means rever- ence. But there is no fun in it worth mentioning .-Erchange.
 A St. Louis grocer has even adulterated his orthography. He announces "Bestt and Chepest Battr."
 A young Philadelphian, threatened with breach of promise ssuit, says:- "Sue away. Contracts made on Sunday ain't legal"
 The supposed reason why they call sensational report "canard' is be- cause one canardly believe it, you know. .
 The correspondents of this city are about organizing club. The badge of the organization is to be.a cherry tree and a hatchet.- Washington Chronicle. The Boston Globe nominates Honesty for Vice President. We respectfully de- cline.-NorristOao HeTGld.
 History class Master-"Who was the most famous clergyman in English his tory" Sharp boy (son of an actor)-"The divine, William"
 .T am going to the post-office, Bob, shall inquire for you ?? "Well, yes, if you have a mind to, but Idont think you will find me there."
 Spriggins says he once prevented 8 severe case of hydrophobia by simply getting on high fence and waiting there till the dog had gone away.-E1- change.
 Dr. Hall says :- "Eat regularly; not tween meals" Tramps will do well to cut this out and paste it in their bank books.
 The Methodist Conference has sent Rev. MT, Kittell to Brooklyn-which is appropriate when we consider that they are always having a stew there.
 My client is no more guilty of steal ing that hog than frog ain't got no tail" was a young Kentucky lawyers address to Warren county jury.
 "A Roman lictor," said Bates, whose historical information comes by detail on the fly, "a Roman lictor! We'll, I s'pose she deserved it. No one but the Roman knows"
 A student who failed to pass in his Greek history examination repudiated with scorn the insinuafion that he was w1k bad !, self, he said, so tight he could not get it out again.
 The chief. difference betwen the nice little Sunday-school boy and the nice little Cannibal Island boy would seem to be that the former keeps cent for the missionary plate and the latter plate for the missionary sent. n
 The Massachusetts, man who was i'm prisoned eight years for 8 crime he never committed hasn't been able to get shilling's recompense. The Legisla- ture decided that he was owing the State for board.
 The ex-President of the Conundrum Club perpetrates another atrocity, viz:- "What is that which no man wants, which, if any man has, he would not part with for untold wealth?" "A bald headw
 Professor What, can't translate that passage? You must be very ignorant of the simplest knowledge of Greek. Student I'm not as ignorant as you-he coughed and after 8 pause added-think am.
 Some day in the distant future the lit- tie negro in the barber shop who silently holds out his hand for ten cents for strikinga mans nose with his brush broom will be laid away to rest and catnip planted to hide the spot.
 "There's our Jeremiah" :" said Mir. Shel- ton, "he went off to make his own living by his wits," "Well, did he succeed ?' inquired friend. "No," said the old man with a sigh, and significantly tap ping his head, he failed for want of capital"
 Curran being angry in debate one day, put his hand on his heart, saying, "I am the trusty guardian of my own honor." 'Then," said Sir Boyle Roach. q congratulate my honorable friend on the snug sinecure to which he has ap- pointed himself"
 "You have considerable floating popu- lation in this village, haven't you ?" asked stranger of one of the citizens of vil- lage on the Mississippi. "Why, yes, rather,' was the reply. About half the year the water is up to the second story windows"
 Discarded ulsters make excellent wraps for parlor stoves during the summer season of retirement to the .woodshed. The litter, poker. shovel and other small at- tachments can i've put in the pockets, and the hood may be drawn over the urn.- ExchGage.
 "My boy, tell us what you know about rattan ?" said the Committeeman. "It is sometimes called the Calamus Rot. tangs comes from Penang, Samarang and Padang, and is used by the master in this school too dang often"
 When q young man has climed over the fence into her backward in order that he may sit there and muse and watch the light in her window, nothing pleases him so much as to run against the clothes line and discover that she only had one pair of stockings in the wash last week.
 A Baltimore man while cleaning his toe-nails in an open window a few days ago, fell to the ground and was instant ly killed. This is no doubt terrible ac- cident, and yet there are people who will go right on in the face of the facts in this case cleaning their toe-nails. in utter heedlessness of their danger. and in defiance of the warning of Provi- fence.
 Deacon Caggerswaggle furnishes bread for communion services in his church. He saves the dice-like bits that remain when the sacrament is over. The other day, when the communion bread plate was passing, his little son said: "Ma, they are taking quite a good deal, and you was goin' to have bread pudding to- morrow. Aint they mean?"
 The 'Housekeeper" of our Health
 The liver is the great depurating or blood cleansing organ of the system. Sci the great housekeeper of our health al work, and the foul corruptions which gen, der in the blood and rot out, as it were the machinery of life. are gradually ex pelled from the system. For this pur pose Dr. Pierce's Golden Medical Discov cry. with small daily doses of Dr. Pierce's Pleasant Purgative Pellets are pre.emi