Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-01-10

On Why should the spirit Of mortal be proud
Sweet meats-Two lovers in q first
embrace. .......
When a man becomes the father of a
IL pound girl. and calico is only seven
cents a yard, he can well afford to smoke
thirteen cigars day. It's different with
q woman.
A bachelor returning from hall in
crowded coach, declared with a groan.
that be had not the slightest objection to
.'rings on his fingers" but he had
most unequivOcal aversion to 'belles on
his toes"
Too PoLITE.-The other evening. q
young rusticus with cigar in his mouth
and a young lady on his arm, entered
Memphis theatre and took q seat in the
parquette. One Of the ushers induced
the young man to dispense with his ci-
gar and take off his hat, but the ver-
dant youth was little surprised at the
request. He was not aware that he was
in theatre, but thought be had come
TO q stationary circus. In few min
utOs be put his arm around the young
lady, who lovingly rested upon the
brachial member Of her escort. uncon-
seious Of the critical glanees of the audi
enoe
The usher finally induced the youth
to withdraw his arm. but this request
seemed to astonish the boor. who said:
you'll next Ak me to take off my
coat, but ] amt goin' to do any such
thing. Go away, and don't bother me
with pOliteness.
A FR1GHTENED AFRIcAN.-Gus Ed
wards, at Plunketts drug store, was
awakened at a late hour, the other night
by violent rafting Of the front door.
Fastening down stairs he admitted the
rattler. who proved to be brawny ne
gro. laboring under great excitement
There was an ashy hue about his lips
and his eyes rolled about like two buck
eyes IN two pans Of milk. Staggering
into the room he gasped:
..Gimme disumfectant. quick ~
What do you want with disinfect-
ant ?" asked Gus. HAS something
crawled into you and died ?' ...r
''Wussern dat, sab. Use swallered
pisen."
"Oh, then you want an antidote p
"Yes, sab. gimme an anecdote. an dc
it quick. or III be on your hands. boss
feel II a-grippin' me now" and the
terrified moke swayed and groaned.
"What kind Of poison did you take 2
asked Gus.
Goal lie, sab, deadly coal lie. which
war in a tin-cup instead OBJ dc whisky
what orter been dar. Oh. good Lord
Use a gone Niger Gimme some o da
antelope fore Use a deceased corpse
;; please. boss. It's workin' in me
! kin taste it.
y~AbOut the best thing you can do.
said Gus. us to stick long lampwiel
down your throat, leave one end ont, ant
light it j
well, lemme have the wick. an II
light IT right here 7I
"No, you must 60 out dOOrs to ligh
it." r-rafr
why. sab p
because there is danger Of an ez
plosion, in which event your head Nigh
> 20 through the floor above, your bone
break the showcase, and pieces Of 20
be smeared all over the shelves J
would make an awful muss. and | don
want TO clean up after you"
e lit mought bust me?'
= "Yes. it is liable to. .
'.0h. Lordy." groaned the poor negr
and he sank to the floor in an agony
despair.
Gus finally took pity on the suferiT
. darkey. assured him that there was
danger. and gave him something to tai
= the taste out Of his mouth. The neg
, was greatly relieved when he found tn
be wasn't going to die right away. al
said as be started of
y Il was pOW'hful skeered. boss. and
tell you, when I gets skeered dar an
nuthin' TOO high fur me 10 jump over
be = R,7oae,cick (lHO.) NesCs.