The New Orleans Democrat. (New Orleans, La.) 1875-1876, 1876-01-30
UNHAPPY INCIDENTS OF MIR. AND MRS.
CREAMLY's FIRST AND ONLY EXPERIENCE
WITH A STABLE HORSE.

from the Boston Commercial Hulletin.l
The hostler, as he handed Mr.. Cream
" the reins, looked obviously at his
gold bowed spectacles, and asked him,
In rather pertinent Qmpertinent, ac-
cording to Mr.. Creamy, would perhaps
be the better adjective) tone, II he WAS
used to driving; and II was with vivid
|recollections Of the family horse over
whose back he had fliclzed the braided
lash in boyhood's sunny hours, that he
assumed q look Of lofty surprise as he
answered.:
Certainly my good man-let go his
head" 81
The geometrical steed of Mr.. Oliver
Creainly's childhood, whose back bore .
singular resemblance to the venerable
half. trunk which was-in the attic, was
impervious to flagellation, and indeed
Oliver thought he used rather to enjoy
1t, except when it reused him from his
sweet slumbers In which he often in
dulged when conveying him to town.
But this horse OF which we now speak
was an equine fiend, and Mr.. Creamy
had hardly given the order to the host,
his rashness, and but for pride would
have exclaimed, "Catch hold OF his
headl" For he Immediately took occa-
sion to erect himself In a sudden man
ner upon his hind legs, and the thought
fitted through Mr.. CTeamlys og0nlzod
brain, what II he should fall over back
ward and break me somewhere?
Mr.. Creamly's wife was with him, and
it is characteristic feature Of her sex
that her first remark, after she had ejac-
ulated the words, !" Land Of compass
sionl" were, There, l knew it would be
just 50 pa remark by no means calcu-
lated to soothe the dominant passions
surging beneath Creamly's single
breasted waistcOat. q
But when the gallant steed had once
more retouched his native earth, In q
slang but expressive phrase, he got up
and busted" to that extent which re-
duced Mr., Creamly's skill as q driver to
merely frantic holding on with the
hands to the reips and letting him
''oust," which he did most literally.
Mrs. Creamy, with the sublimity Of
heroism that develops itself In the sex
said that she guessed that she'd get out,
as she saw that her spouse didn' appear
to know much about driving but as Id
braced his feet anew and said, .'woa--
gently-good horse!' he indicated to her
with unmarital sternness that il she
didn't keep her mouth closed she might
lose her false teeth. rlsfsia
Creamy concluded that he must have
been going about seven miles o minute
when the dreadful beast stopped sud-
denly and unexpectedly, at the same
time executing sidewise jump, which
Is called "shyying." The cause was q
by small boy; the effect was a pro-
pulsion Of Mr.. Oliver Creamly's frame
toward the dasher Of the carriage, and
the contact Of his wife's head with his
spinal column.
Her remarks, for obvious reasons, we
forbear to repeat, but they were sug-
gestive Of total loss OF temper. One
Of the flowers Of speech she used was
"idiotic old fool" Perhaps she re-
ferred to the horse, buty jungings from
subsequent personal alIdsions, this
might be open to doubt.
And then the horse stood stillin dry
ditch by the roadside, occasionally look
ing round as Creamy remarked, "Back!
back, sir!" with pendulous motion Of
the under lip, which was the nearest ap-
pfoach to a. horse laugh that was ever
seen, and which, at the same time, sug-
gested derision. Fstsr
Then Creamy pulled on the feihs, at
first gently; and, as his angry passion
surmounted his fears, he pulled with a
yehemence which, il the reins did not
break, gave fair promise Of drawing the
beast through the dasher.
Take the whip to him." said Mrs. c.,
with irritability apparent In her voice;
and he did SO, not without .misgiyiags,
however, as gratuitOus advice from the
him to grief. Fortunately his wife sat
down on the side 81 his head as the bug
gy went over. Perhaps she had vague
idea that he was the horse. and she was
holding him down, but she was mis-
taken, for the sagaciOus animal was
making excellent time toward the livery
stable, and had the remains OF the We
hicle which he was propelling been right
side up, we have no doubt but that he
would have reached that haven Of re-
pose before the news Of the mishap.
hope you're satiBfpdz nOwD said
Mrs. Creamy, with an intense calmness
as she shook the dust from her. gar
ments and felt for her back hair.
Creamy buttoned up his coat to hide
his shirt bosom, which was in RAGS !:
scooped a thimbleful Of mud from his
left eye, and shook some loose gravel
from his left ear; wiped the blood from
his nose with torn coat-sleeve, and
said that he was, perfectly, and asked
her, with q show OF asperity and q
scratched face, what she would have
done If she had been with an ungkillful
driver, q question she was too much
dazed to answer, though the matter has
been referred to by her several times
since; but as she Is somewhat given to
hasty figures Of speech, we will drop the
subject.
The stable keeper drove up with a
team, and asked Creamy II he knew
what he'd done, as he helped him in.
Creamy thought the question superflu-
Gus, as he looked at his damaged cloth |
ing, and thought OF the topics Of CONVEX
sation his wife would indulge in during
the long winter evenings after he had
retired; but he calmly said he thought |
he knew, and asked the man why he |
gave him such horse to drive.
The stable keeper was man fluent of |
speech, and with an unpleasant readi- |
ness OF profanity-but the gist Of his
was just this-that he
thought "Aany - fool could drive a
stable horse"
AS Creamy remarked in the begin
ming of the discourse, he thought SO,
200, and so he told the man at the
stable, but still he did not appear
satisfied
Creamy has borrowed 800 and paid
he bill, but is more and more con-
7inced that walking is q healthy exer-
Use, and that to so much driving and
fding are due the lassitude and general
debility of the blOated aristocracy.
e13