davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
, 1876-05-22
ILLINOIS s. s. ASSOCIATION.
TIE rIonTEESrH ANNUAL CONVENTION rIlo-


'' 1 on.wMz. ] o' ''-''''
r,,, r,r,,oo.,, p.nMH' Ann,,"' co,no,.,o, =, e.,
80, tnu nhntce''I4, 1An'"i sohs"tl.'" y. Va, ',io
Illinois state sunuay-scfool .lssuc1at'on VIII 10
held at JAckson1illc on tho 2'tt, 3lth, nnd 18th
Of this month. Unusually largo preparations
have leeu ,uadc to make Lila on, .uf tho must
,,nnor4 ~ ,rn,.-,,,,s ~ ,hn tia ,r,. 1,,1S H.,
.,p'' M ~. sAt.st's u4 ''o 80 ANU s'el hel' ~
tnls or any other ssate, anti among the great
lights who ,Nro to be present nrc Moody and
SRpkcy, flstop Cheney, Mr.. Wh{tt1c. and nt],rrs.
80 Inrro an nsselnbly is expcrtcd Llnt It /.
DrotlntIo nrrnnrcmrnts wiIi f,c mni1u tn
hold tho sessions In two or tl,rcc
different butlainrs ut The sn,no time. Mr.,
Nomly viii sneak eael evening Il, s,oc t,lacc, md
EnnkGy will lead tho singing In Tic s;,1nu ir1a-
1er. bIshop Cheney and If. Whittle viii speak
Tuesday evoulngt and other gentlemen Wcduea-
dny evening, Tho usual loye-fcast viii DO held
Thursday Evening. ''' '~ 'Sses' '''''
The rcgunr programme for tho sessions Of
tho Convention has been published anl shows
that the nuh Inns bceu Thoroughly considered
and well arrangcd II viii he 'cmplaLIcally Il
working Convention. The programme Includes
for tic first session, May -, tic calt-
ing tugcthur in tho morning will,
prayer and praise. the Organization,
Rev. g. At. Morton. At 2 O'Clock Of tho
eanlc 1ny tho scct1ud session will bu held. 1t
viii commerce With q thanksgiving service for
the BEbic; addresses on !" The Bucks Of tho Ni-
1ilc" by Afr. N. c, 1lazarl; " How to Study the
Dible," by hlr. Moody; and The Dibu md
Mutiern Donbt,n by President II. II. Albums.
Tho third session will bo held III thu evening,
un.i viii commence with street meeting, 10 be
followed by q meeting for r,rnrcr and nrafar.
, 1876-05-22
ILLINOIS.


Special D1spasch to 77s Ts1bsnA
FLORA, ILL.,, May 21.-The Clay County Re-
publlcans met in Convention at Louisville Sat
urlay. 1t was large and harmonious gather-
ing. Tho delegates chosen are enthusiastic for
Ndgwuy. ....-.-.
T1rToT ron CONGRESS.
Special Dispdtch TO Tho Tribune.
HAVANA, ILL.,, May 21.-1t Is gepcrally un-
dorstood by 3Inson County politicians that Jo-
seph G. Bauer, Of hlasoii City, will wlthdrpw
from tho contest for q nomination for Congress
virtually In favor Of Mclean County, which,
with tho assistance Of any other county, cai
nominate Upton on tho first or second ballot.
THE WATCH ON TIE RHINE.
RpsetaI Dfspatch 10 The Tribune.
BLooMIN0ToN, ILL.,, May 2l.-The Deatche
Presse, u Gurman Republican paper Of this city,
In It's last issue pitches Into Mclean County Re-
publlcans sevcFcly for omittlng to place any
Gcrmans on the State delegation from Mclean
County.
Gpectol ntpdich to TIE Tribune.
OLNET, ILL.,, May M.-1ntormnttou received
horc makes II certain tho Nineteenth Congres-
sional District will bc solid IN tho Republican
State Convention for j. A. Powell for Auditor
ot State, and nearly all at tic the Eighteenth
District, as well rs q large portion OF tho Sew
cdtecnth District, with q strong vote from Cct-
tral and Northern Illinois A delegation OF
twenty-five Of our most intlucntial cttizcus will
accompany. DR.. Powell to Springfield to press
Ills clalns for the nomination.
, 1876-05-22
OCEAN STEAMSHIP NEWS.

FAR1HHA PalAT, May al,--IhQ btc4mcs ea!'
natia14 irou, Liverpool, has arrived
PLxMougu, May a1.-Steaunship scssing, from
Now York, has arrived.
NAN Yoxx, May 2L~AIrtYsd. the steamer
ldaho, from Liverpool
, 1876-05-22
Mai. Wlln1n on tile Bcvorit1ge
Family as Public
Servants.
The Governor and His Brother
Shown Up in an Ugly
Light.
How Wisconsin Has Fared Under
Granger Reform Rule.
I}RISTOV,
BANNING THE NEXT PRESIDENT,

Is Il too much 10 nsl; ol Illinois to name tho
next President noun For tho last ilttcen years,
Illinois has nailed thu winning banner on tho
outer wall, carly In tho canvass, to- stay. a
unanimous delegation from this State for Ken
tlieky Brstow will scttlo, differences; and tho
noble old party, which Inns accomplished SO
ulich in tho past, will live agaip. REFORM.
, 1876-05-22
votcc :, OF, tho Louisville Conference had

voscc ,of,. tho Louisville Conference had
been IL fascr Of ,repro,lucsaE and re- r,
sbcst literature for the times, because II ras
founded On reason ond common scnsc. It's
voice MAS also In favor Of doing AMY with that
n,apity without obligation about tho hereafter,
or at least without obligation to work for the
filling Of Coils Paradise utter any Of the super
natural theories or plans. Tic Conference
nan % Guided By iii owl, conscience in his walks
OF iife, and tho Chnrch to labor for tho promo.
tfon Of correct principles md un improved
public yirtue,-the contest being not between
saionce md religion, but between saints md
sinners.
, 1876-05-22
Wl1AAI ON DEVER1DGE.
VARIOUS a1sAvH CHARGES.

: To 8UH [NsFuI U TIE z 19FVH"Es
SALEM, ILL.,, May 10.-Picaso give tho follow
Ing statement OF facts place in your issue OF
Monday, and obligc yours truly,
rV vV,,.-,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

Simon Eliseman spent one night of last
week in Elk Point, and rising early on the
following morning, he took a stroll down
the principal street of the place, when he
met a man coming in an opposite direction
who accosted him thus " Is it you l see,
Father Lenigan? Simon nodded assent
and reached forth his hand which the man
took in his own and began full and de-
tailed recital of his troubles and grievances
how he had abused his wife, lied to his
mother-in-law, whipped his neighbor, &c.
When the man got too infinitely fine in
detail concerning his misdeeds, Simon said
he must go into the hotel, and asked his
new found friend to await his return. Once
out of the mans sight Simon concluded that
the character of priest was too heavy for
him to assume and he slipped out of the
hotel by side door. He is rather inclined
to change his costume little and confine
himself to the drygoods business hereafter.
Dakota Herald.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

Another heavy defalcation is reported,
this time from Buffalo N. Y. City Trea-
surer Bork has fed, leaving deficit of
over three hundred thousand dollars. Like
many others who have gone his road he
was open-handed, and apparently open
hearted. lie was president of thirteen
societies, and foremost in all philanthropic
works. Doubtless he thus managed to
divert suspicion from his dark doings for
who could question the man who kept his
balances straight on paper, who had the
reputation of great wealth, who gave homes
to the working classes for a song and was
foremost in all benevolent projects? These
cases are hard to judge without all the eyi-
dence; but, whether he lent the city's
money to others or used it in other ways,
he was stepping himself in dishonesty at
every step, and it is proverbial how difficult
it is to retrace these downward steps.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05
He Was the Man.

One evening last week, when the winter
blasts moaned sadly around the street cor
ners, and the captains of the ferry boats
wore anxious looks, seven or eight vessel
owners and 81 laid up" lake captains sat
around q cheerful base-burner i'll a saloon
near the river. After the usual amount OF
growing about the weather, one of them
told story. There might have been an
ounce of truth about it, but the crowd felt
certain that the one ounce was offset by
twenty-four pounds of the " "awfulest kind"
of lying. Therefore q second man told
story to beat it, and then a third man beat
the second When the fourth started out
he said:
Gentlemen, l have also seen tough
times. When was sailing the schooner
Fort,ne, forty years ago, two Of us were
swept overheard in storm on Lake Erie,
one black night. A hatch cover went with
us, and it so happened that we both
clutched it. 1t was not large enough to
hold two. | was captain, he a sailor. |
had family, he had none. | shouted to
him to quit his hold, and when he would
not, reached over and clutched his throat,
and held on till his fingers loosened and he
went to the bottom of the lake! 1t was
twenty miles off Point Bttsey, and, with a
shrill, wild shrek, which yet fingers in my
ears, the poor wretch went TO his death I!
May the Lord forgive met
With his chair tilted against the wall, a
lanlzey, sunhowerish chap had been nod
ding his head right and left, as if sleeping.
As the captains narrative was concluded
the stranger rose up and solumnly said
4" am that man."
The crowd looked at him in astonish-
ment, and he continued:
"I landed on Point Betsey next morning
in time for breakfast, and l swore a solemn
oath that I'd lick you for choking me if
had to live hundred years to do itI'
"You can't be the man," replied the cap
tain, looking suspiciously at the fellow
big fists; ait was forty years ago"
~ know it was, and for forty years fv'
been aking to lick you out of you boots !!
The captain had lied, but didn't want t.
own it, and he said:
'That sailors name was Dick Rice"
, Kerectr' bowed the stranger, " that
my namcr
" But lie was taller than you"
" Being in the water so long that night,
; shrunk lust a foot r was the cool rcjoinde
: "Well, know you can't be the man,
: said the captain.
al am the man, and now I'm going
: maui you to pulp! No man can choke ~
and then brag about it y
He sailed in and upset the captain, bl
:, was then set upon 10y the whole crowd. II
got into the eye of the wind and hun
there for some time, but presently paid O
g little, got the wind on his quarter, an
e went at it to lick ten times his weight
!, old liars. He was a very ambitions mai
and those who could get out of doors g
out, and those who couldn't offered him
gallon of whisky to come to anchor. Il
- furled his sails on this understanding, an
as he set his glass down for the third drinI
! he wiped his bleeding ear and remarked
"When man tries to sacrifice me,
order to save himself, he don't know WI
he's fooling with"
- He was the biggest liar of them all, b
= he made the most of it.-Dctroa Free Pre-
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

Carl Schurz protests, in a recent letter to
that President Grant is personally in
terested in such corrupt combinations as
the Whisky Ring. Mr.. Schurz says: "In
my recent visit to Europe | have met
almost all classes of people, and | assure
you it is a very bitter thing for person
who is really attached to this country to
see that almost all mention of the United
States in newspapers is devoted to stories of
fraud and swindle, and from questions and
observations to be forced to the conclusion
that they there consider our public service
as n great hot-house of infamous corruption
from which honorable conduct is banished.
What then would be the effect if we gave
public opinion of Europe to understand
that we here consider the President of the
United States, the head of the entire Gov
ernment, the member of an infamous band
of robbers2 No more should our own peo-
pie be made to believe that thing so fear
full is possible at all. Even party spirit
should shrink from such an extreme, for il
1
the mind of the masses could familiarize
itself to such a picture of utter moral
degradation the terrible consequences
would be almost incalculable. Indeed, is il
possible that the President would have
permitted the investigation to go on which
threatened the exposure of the whole frauc
and all the participants in it if he himsel
had belonged to them2 Surely not; an(
it is certain that he could have throttlet
the investigation in its incipiency if he haC
SO desired. With such powers as hi
one who feels guilty could have soon foun'
the means to do 50, and would not hav'
failed to avail himself Of them. Every sus
picion of such participation, therefore,
hold to be unfounded and unjust.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05
A Victim of the Chin Mill.

A man who had been nearly talked to
death by loquacious BARRIERS, says the Chi
cago Tribune, went into a shop the other
day which he had never patronized before,
and handed one Of the artists card bearing
the words: Give me an easy shavel" The
barbor motioned him to chair, and then,
turning around, winked at his fellow
laborers, and said: "Here's a deaf and
Well, if you cash him, he can't talk back, !"
replied one who was lolling in his chair,
waiting for " next" "No, you bet he can't" i"
returned the first. can easy shave be
blowed Why he's got bristles on him
like Texas boar, and his skin looks
tougher than a canal mules"
The boys laughed, and the operator, who
in the meantime, had lathered the mans
face, indulged in further comments, as hC
urged the razor over the facial territory
before him. What nose that is" sale
he. If he should sneeze where would
be2" Well, his cheek is harder than {
razor hone" Do you want us to hell
hold his nose back while you get over hi
! lips, Johnny p asked another of the idl,
razor wieldcrs. Don't know but will
want little help" " Be careful, and don
drop your razor down his ear oryoull los
it," admonished another "What dirt,
head he's got," observed Johnny, as he raj
his fingers through tho mans hair. 4" say
some Of you fellows write card, and asl
him if he don't want shampoo"
The card was written and presented t
the man, who shook his head at it, and th
job being finished he rose from the chair
It's all right, boys" said he, as he lai
down his fifteen cents. ~ didn't min,
your talk-any. could stand it first rate S
long as you didn't say anything about base
ball, third term, or tho whiskey-rin
fraud He disappeared, and those barber
sat down and thought about him,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

A new food for horses and sheep is COM
ing into use. 1t is composed of two quarts
of oats, one of bran and half pint of flax
seed. The oats are first placed in the
stable bucket, over which is placed the
lnseed, boiling water is added, then the
bran; covering the mixture with an old
rug and allowing it to rest for five hours !;
then the mass is stirred up. The bran
absorbs while retaining the vapor, and the
linsecd binds the oats and bran together.
1t is easily digested, and is especially
adapted to young animals, adding rather to
their volume than to their height, giving
substance to their frames.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

NAroLEoN's HAPPIEsT DAY.-When Ma
poleon was in the height of his prosperity,
and surrounded by brilliant company of
the marshals and courtiers of the empire
he was asked what day he considered to
have been the happiest of his life. When
all expected that he would name the occa-
sion of some glorious victory, or some great
political triumph, or some august celebra-
ton, or other signal recognition of his
genius and power, he answered without
moments hesitation, "The happiest day of
my life was the day of my first communion"
At reply so unforeseen there was a general
silence; when he added, as if to himself,
" l was then an innocent child"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

a remarkable instance of calculation was
recorded at Aslmcr, Canada, where a bar
Der named johnson, for bet of fifty cents,
ran under the cars of railway train that
was passing at rapid rate of speed. He
won the wager, though he lost the heel of
one boot by wheel that came unpleasant
tly close as he emerged. The man who
lost the bet said he had expected to win
and get couple of dollars for attending
the inquest.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05
WHOLE NO. 1880.

DIVORCED SECOND TINE rather unu-
Sual case came up before Judge Knight in
st. Louis for adjudication on Friday last.
The case on trial was that of Ida Hall rs.
Eugene Hall, on a petition for divorce on
the grounds of desertion. During the ex-
animation of the plaintiff it was developed
that the parties had been divorced from
each other in Decatur, H., several years
ago, but had remarked and lived together
until January, 1874, when the desertion is
alleged to have taken place. Judge
knight, after asking how long the plaintiff
would remain unmarried to the defendant
this time, granted the decree, and Ida and
Eugene henceforth are separated.-,H. Louis
Republican.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05
eZIU21 e Gus.
John Randolph's Remedy for Laziness.

1t is well known that Mr.. Randolph |
owned more than three hundred slaves,
and was exceedingly lenient to them; he
would not allow his overseers to treat them
with any degree of harshness they were
eye-servants, and would only work when
closely watched, or when Mr.. Randolph
was at home, from their love for him and
fear of his anger.
Once when his public duties kept him
from home most of the time for several
years, his negroes became idle and worth
less, and not half crops were raised; the
carts and wagons, and all the farming
utensils, were left in the fields, and with
out shelter, were ruined; the fences were
down or dilapidated, and the cattle and
stock of every kind were much crippled
up by the negroes in their efforts to chase
them out of the fields. More than half
the negroes were "playing possum," that
is, pretending to be sick, in order to avoid
work.
While things were in this condition, Mr.
Randolph came home from Washington to
spend the Christmas holidays. Looking
over his plantation accounts with his over
seer, he discovered that his plantation was
not only not selfsustaining, but actually
bringing him in debt. After thorough
examination Of everything on the planta-
tion, he saw at once what was the matter,
and that his rigid instructions to his over
seer to be lenient to the negroes had been
the cause of the trouble, and that they
would not work unless under fear of pun
ishment, and he determined upon plan
for correction.
The slaves in old Virginia, and all the
South, had a weeks holiday from Christ
mas to New Year, and these days wer'
days of general jubilee and jollifcation
Eggnog was kept at the big house or man
sion for everybody and all hands; ther
was a terrible slaughter among the negroes
pet pigs and fat poultry, and many pos
sum caught weeks before and fattened i
boxes and barrels, and "coons" smoked j
the big cabin chimney, were served u
with pound-cake, puddings, chicken pi'
store tea," and locust and persimmo
beer, at the holiday feasts night and da.
II was then that the fiddle, the banjo, th
tambourinc and the clevis and clevis pi
kept up perpetual music for the neye
ceasing dance.
Mr.. Randolph waited for the termin
tion of these Christmas holidays, al
promptly on the first Of January he
dered his oyerseer TO have all the farmi
utensils brought to the barnyard. IL to-
all day to search for them and get the
together from where they had been i
living about in the fields, far and ne
The next morning there was grand
spection of all the ploughs, harrows, h'
and rakes, and all that were broken
seriously injured were thrown INTO pl
Mr.. Randolph then said in his shrill voi'
aset them on fire, Mr. Chumley, a
burn them up" The overseer rem
strated, and urged that many OF tn
might be repaired.
aNo, sirl No, sir ! want them burn
up, they would always be old, rickety
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

In his lecture in Kenosha, on " The Girl
You Love-" Brother Huntly says: "He
should love her and let his love for her be
known. If a woman is loved she wants it
to be known to the world" Unless the
girl is dumb, and has lost both hands by a
kerosene explosion, she is apt toreiieye the
young man of ali trouble in giving his pro-
posal publicity, especially if there is ano-
ther girl who had tried to get him.-ME-
lraVEce Sentinel
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

There is one thing done against Roman
ism that cannot be charged upon the fools,
and which is likely to spike all our Protes-
tant guns unless it is Immediately stopped.
We refer to the organization of a secret
political society to overthrow political Ro-
manism. Such an order, we have reason
to know, exists, and is being extended in
several States-possibly in all. Only evil
to good cause can come from such o
society. Persons at its head may secure
private advantages, temporary successes
may attend the first years, but the reaction
is sure to come, and Romanism is sure {
gain by such an order. The settled policy
Of this country is liberation of all sects
Keep out of this political secret society,"
The Methodist.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05
POetTV.
COOKING AND COURTING.
TOM TO NED.

Dear Ned.-no doubt you'll be surprised,
When you receive and read this letter;
I've rallied against the married state,
But then, you see. l knew no better.
I've met lovely girl out here,
Her manner is-well-very winning;
We're soon to be-well, Ned, my dear,
I'll tell you all from the beginning.
went to ask her out to ride,
Last Wednesday-it was perfect weather:
She said she couldn't possibly,
The servants had gone off together.
(Hibernians always rush away,
At cousins funerals to be looking,)
Pies must be made and she must stay,
She said, to do that branch of cooking.
"Oh, let me help yOu," then cried.
"rn be a cooker toO-hOw jollyp
She laughed and answered, with smile,
"An right! but you'll repent your folly.
For shall be tyrant, sir,
And good hard work youllhave to grapple;
So sit down there, and don't you stir,
But take that knife and pare that apple"
She rolled her sleeve above her ARM
mat lovely arm SO plulnp ana TOulueuS
Outside, the morning sun shOne bright;
Inside, the dough she deity pounded.
Her little fingers sprinkled flour,
And rolled the pie crust up in masses;
passed the most delightful hour
Mid butter, sugar and molasses.
With deep reflection her sweet eyes
Gazed DER each pot and pan and kettle;
She sliced her apples filed her pies,
And then the upper crust did settle.
Her rippling waves of golden hair
In one great coil were tightly twisted;
But locks would break out, here and there,
And ctffl about whereer they listed.
And then her sleeve came down, and
Fastened it up,-her hands were doughty;
Oh it did take the longest time,
Her arm, Ned. was so fair and snowy!
She blushed. and trembled, and looked shy;
Somehow that made me all the bOlder;
Her arch lips looked so red that +
Wcll-found her head upon my shoulder.
We're to be married, Ned, next month;
Come and attend the wedding rcvels.
really think that bachelors
Are the most miserable devils
You'd better go fOI sumo girlS hand;
And if you are uncertain whether
You dare to make a due demand
Why. just try cooking pies together,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

The report Of the Aricultural Bureau for
November and December states that the
corn crop is one Of the largest ever grown
in this country, probably equalling the
crops Of 1870 and 1872 the potato crop is
extraordinary, both in product and quality,
the total yield being fully one-fourth larger
than last year, that the cotton crop will
g pass the limit of 100000 bales and
that there Is an increase of rs per cent in
the yield Of tobacco over that OF last year,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

A FATAL EXPERIMENT. Richart,
employed in the paper mill at Spring City,
Chester county, committed suicide at an
carly hour Wednesday morning. 1t ap-
pears he and his wife had a quarrel about
some trifling matter, when he told her that
he would take his life. She paid no atten-
ton to his threat, and had nearly forgotten
the little affair, when in passing to another
part of the house what was her horror upon
discovering his dead body dangling from a
rope fastened to the top of room door.
It is believed that he merely intended to
frighten her, as the wall and door bear
marks of his desperate struggles to free
himself. He leaves, besides wife, five
young children, Hisage was about thirty
five,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

Benjamin." shouted Mrs. Toodles to
her husband who was going out of the gate,
q bring me up FIVE cents worth of snuff
when you come" "snuff? Mrs. Toodles,
Snuff" he calculated, as he paused with
his hand on the latch; "No, no, Mrs.
ToodIcs. the times are too hard to admit of
such extravaganza; you must tickle your
nose with a straw when You want to sneeze.
-Falton Tsmes.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

1t said that some people have what is
called spontaneity," and some haven't;
but nobody ever sat down on a pincushion
yet without manifesting something surpris-
ingly like it.-Brook{yn argus.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-05

Cats, foxes, and weasels have always en-
joyed the reputation of being remarkably
sly, and they no doubt deserve it; but
nothing can surpass the slyness with which
a woman, surprised by an unexpected
caller, will slip a set of false teeth into her
mouth.-Brook{ym Argus.