Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-05-17
Faceti@.

hlGH COLORS-IhOSe In the rainbow.
IRoWsERs obtained on credit are
breeches of trust.
=: ALL that they're cracked up to be
Hickory nuts.
AN astonishing case of respiration
Inc shoemaker who breathed his last.
EVERY thirsty dog, when he finds
water, turns lap-dog.
WHEN does farmer double a. sheen
without hurting it? When he folds it.
GARLIC EATERS should remember that
the race Is not always for the strong.
A HoRRoRs-TRUCK woman-The one
that had to pay seven dollars load in
WHAT'S going on?" said a we'll
known bore to Douglas Jerrold. "I
am was the reply, and on he went.
Books are the best friends, because
when they bore you, you can always
shut them up without offence.
DIR. HALL says that if you cross your
great toes at an angle of Sc degrees YOU
will not have the nightmare.
In these days of general corruption if
man Is the possessor of grain of
honesty, it would be we'll to have it in
sured. He might lose it.
WHEN an angry billiard-player strikes
his opponent over the head with cue,
what arithmetical term does he resem-
BILE? A cube-root That is, cue brute.
DIR. HALLS idea that you must not
get out Of bed On the left side, be-
cause it is not right, sounds little alb
surd.
IF row of columns is a colorado,
isn't a row of lemons a lemonade p
Graphic No more than a row of
crooked whisky is fusilade.
A MAN gives as a reason why Echo is
OF the feminine gender, that "maybe
it is because she always has the last
word"
WHICH is the most obedient church
Instrument the bell or the organ? The
bell, because it will speak when tolled,
but the organ will be blowed first.
A DANvER paper says that an Indian
chief left his squaw in saloon there,
the other day, as security for the pay
ment of his whisky bill. Probably one
Of the Pawn-ee tribe.
WHAT is pleasanter these nice morn
ings than getting up and taking sun
rise walk CT four or five miles before
breakfast. Nothing, certainly, unless
it is lying in bed and thinking about it.
A ROGUE lately advertised that for ST.
he would send to any address hand
some package containing one hundred
present. Each package turned out to
be paper of pins.
A MOUNTAIN of superior white chalk
has been discovered in Idaho; and now
if never-failing spring is in close prox-
unity an enterprlslng man can start a
diary there without investing in single
COW.
WHAT is the difference between the
permission to speak in a low tone
and the prohibition to speak at all? In
the one case, you are not to talk aloud;
inn the other, you are not allowed to
talk.
AT a little gathering recently, a young
man asked a lady whether, if his small
brother was a lad, he was net a ladder?
She kindly said she thought he must
be, she could see through him so easily.
1t is pleasant to be young man.
DRINK for gardner, rum-shruts
drink for an undertaken, beer; for a
sailor, port; for a railway traveller, por-
ter; for bird-catcher, gin; for a prize
fighter, punch; for deserter, brandy;
for doctor, champagne.
A FAcETIoUs boy asked one of his in
Inmates why hardware dealer was like
a boot-maker? The latter, somewhat
puzzled, gave it up. "Why," said the
other, "because the one sold the nails
and the other nailed the solos,"
JEAN PAUL RICHTER says that mot
for all the money in the world would
he have had money when he was
young but probably he never was in
love enough to realize the necessity of
buying new cravat and fresh bottle
of hair oil every day.
The time for man to stand firmly
by Jobs example is when he
washes his face with homemade soap
and begins to paw around over the
chairs with his eyes shut, inquiring for
a towel, and is told that the towel is in
the drawer, but the keys are lost.
A GENTLEMAN in the city has pair
Of pantaloons which were worn by one
of his ancestors hundred years ago.
They are made of homespun cloth, ex-
cept the seat which is thick leather. 1t
is inferred from this that the original
owner was book agent.
Is is becoming to me ?" asked she,
as she paraded in the costume of 100
years ago, before the man who is not
her lord and master, but is her hus-
band. eyes, my DEAR" said he, meek
ly. Don't you wish l could dress this
way all the timer" ono, my DEAR"
he answered, but I wish you had
lived when it was in STYLE"
H:MY friends" said builder whose
health had been drunk at dinner in
celebration of the completion of pub
lie hall which he had constructed
"my friends, I would gladly express
my feelings did | not feel that / am
better fitted for the scaffold than for
public speaking"
A GOOD mother was trying to explain
to a young hopeful, about fighting