, 1876-04-14
American HumOr

how the penny-cakes of fresh maple
sugar get fy-specked.-[Rome Sentinel.
We must row with the oars we have,
and as we cannot order the wind, we are
obliged to sail with the wind that God
gives Dutch Proverb.
Reynoldsville didn't hang any bunting
to the breeze on Wasnington's birthday,
but the streets were full of people enthu-
siastic over the invention of whisky
Reynolds Herald.
John N. Francis is right in his conclu-
sion that it is a waste of money to send
missionaries to India. We have long
thought it would be better to send them
d to Chicago Rochester Democrat.
While an Iowa woman was struggling
in the water and likely to drown, her nus
band yelled out, "New bonnet-swim for
life!" and she kicked out and safely
reached the shore Detroit Free Press.
Three hundred and thirty-seven Ameri-
can hotels were burned in 1875, and not
hotel clerk was so much as scorched.
However, there is a difference between
time and eternity Rochester Demo
crat.
The Rome Sentinel Office is prepared to
do election printing with neatness and
dispatch. Tickets printed here appeal ir-
resistibly to the feelings of the voter, and
no candidate should be without them
Rome Sentinel.
The prohibitionists and greenback men
having had their meetings, it is now pro-
posed to hold a convention of citizens who
believe that you can drive away the rheu-
matism by burying a black cat in the eel
lar.-[ Norwich Bulletin.
A Yonkers girl, who refused to marry
a respectable young man because he was
a mechanic, is now the wife of janitor
in New York, and cleans out eight offices
after four o'clock in the afternoon. She
(9weeps now Yonkers Gazette.
Don Carlos hesitates between throwing
himself from precipice in the Pyrenees
and going back to his mother-in-law in
Vienna. 1t was something less than the
glory of wearing crown that made him
fight so desperately Brooklyn Argus.
The man who painted Patience as a
healthy-looking female perched on a
chunk of sandstone, never saw an editor
chewing the end of pencil, whilst three
compositors stood in the background yell
ling for copy [Brookville Jefersonian.
Parton says that "the whole art and
mystery in editing a newspaper is to be
right" Perhaps American newspapers
will never be entirely right until they
are consolidated and placed under the
editorial direction of Parton.-[ Brooklyn
Argus.
When we remember that the Republic
is about to enter its second century, aud
reflect bow few men can depend with any
confidence on the button at the back of
the neck-band on a shirt, it seems though
civilization is almost a failure Rome
Sentinel.
The manager of the Kentucky State lot
tery was recently found dead in ditch.
We -bsree- -ssllFVVssys he'd that lotteries are
wrong. If this man had become Ken
P'lrky bank cashier, he might have been
ting now--somewhere over in Europe.
asrristown Herald. --------
The Chinese are evidently Pagans.
They spend their holidays in paying
their debts, forgiying their enemies and
shaking hands all round. Do we want
any such barbarians among usl Mol
They would fly in the face Of our time
honored customs.-[New York Graphic.
A train on the Northern road ran into a
COW the other day. 1t didn't hurt the
COW, but it threw the engine off the
track. People accustomed to the beef
steak furnished in boarding houses of
this section express much surprise at the
slight damage done to the train.-[Nor-
wich Bulletin.
Nothing else inthe world will bring that
same ghastly expression to a mans face
that fits over his countenance when, in the
midst Of a gay party, he suddenly remem
bers that he has left his handkerchief at
home on the bureau, and will have to 90
out and wipe his nose on the side of the
house. Fulton Times.
At recent wedding the groom's best
man, conscientious bachelor, was called
upon for a sentiment and repeated that
conviyial poem, 'Friend after friend de-
parts, who has not lost a friend" etc.
As yet, he hasn't got over wondering why
every one thinks be was drunk on the oc-
casion.- Norwich Bulletin.
There is great deal said in the jour
mails Of the day about ''woman's sphere
of labor 1t is all very we'll, but, when
we can find time, we will preach a SER
mon to the loafers that congregate at the
corner Of st. Charles and Canal, and mans
fear Of labor, shall the text of that sermon
be.-[New Orleans Picayune.
At Cincinnati, little girl, while play
ing, stuck her tongue through the crack
of door, when other children suddenly
closed the door, ,-cutting two-thirds of her
tongue completely of. This is very sad
accident, but the girls chances of seeur-
ing a husband, when she grows up, is
greatly increased thereby.-[ Norristown
Herald.
He was taken sick in the night, and in
her youthful ignorance she made two mus
tard plasters and put one in front and one
behind, and then with horrid sarcasm
she asked him how be felt. But he was
well-bred man and merely said that he
realized with tenderness he had never
known before, the true position ofa sand
wich in the community.- Norwich Bull
letin.
GEN. JOSEPH HOOKER, who has been at
Hot Springs, Ark, for some time, wrote