Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1876-03-30
Mark Twain's Cold.
The Reasons Why He Could Not Attend a
Grammar school Exhibition.

Mark Twain having been invited TO
attend the annual exhibition of Gram
mar School No. 20, New York City,
sent the following reply, giving his rea-
Sons for his inability to he present:
HARTFORD, Conn, Oct. 5, 1874.
Mss X. W. White:
DEAR MADAM Il regret exceeding
ly b-ingunable to accept your kind in
viiation lalso Mr. y. G.. Duffy's) to b.
present at your commencement exercises,
but the annoying and vexatious illness
which still hangs about me, together
with some business engagements will
prevent. The illness to which | refer
is a severe cold which | took in New
Pork last winter during the lecture sea-
son. Perhaps the recital Of how tried
to care this cold may be of interest, and
may serve instead OF a ew remarks you
"a politely asked me to make to the
friends and pupils.
The first time | began to sneeze, 4
friend told me to go and battle my feet
i'm hot water and go to bed. ! did SO.
Shortly after another friend told me to
get up and take "A cold shower-bath. l
did that also. Within the hour. another
friend assured me that il was policy To
feed cold and let the fever starve
awhile. In case of this kind seldom
do things by halves; ate pretty hearth
~. | conferred my custom upon n
stranger who had just opened his res
taurant OH CORTLAND street, near the
hotel, that morning, paying SO much
for "A full meal. lie waited near me in
respectful silence until l had finished
feeding my cold. when he enquired if
the people about New York were much
afflicted with colds. told him | real
Iy thought they were. He then went
out and took in his sign.
started up toward the Office, and on
the way encountered another bosom
friend, who told me that "a quart Of
warm saltwater would come as near
curing cold as anything in the world.
hardly thought had room for it, but
tried it anyhow. The result was sur
prising. l believe threw up my i'm
mortal soul. Now. as give my expc-
rience only for the benefit of those Of
your friends who are troubled with this
distemper, feel that they will see the
propriety of cautioning them against
warm saltwater. II may be a good
enough remedy, but | think its rather
too severe. III had another cold in the
head, and there WAS no course left me but
to- take either an earthquake or quart
of warm saltwater, | would take my
chances on an earthquake. After this
everybody in the hotel became interest
ed, aud ItOok all sorts of remedies-hot
lemonade, cold lemonade, pepper-tea,
boneset, stewed Quaker, hoarhound sy-
rup, onions and loaf sugar. lemons and
brown sugar, vinegar ahd laudanum,
five bottles fir balsam, eight bottles of
Uncle Sans remedy, but all without
effect. One of the prescriptions given
10y AN old lady was-well, it WAS dread
full She mixed decuction composed
of molasses, catnip, peppermint, aqua
fortis, turpentine, kerosene, and vari-
Gus other drugs, and instructed me to
take wine-glassful Of it every fifteen
minutes. had to take TO my bed and
remain there two days. When felt n
little better more things were recon-
mendrd. l was desperate. and willing
to take anything. Plain gin was next
advised, then gin aud molasses, then
gin and onious. 1 took all three. 1 de-
tected no particular result, however,
except that | had acquired Il breath
like "a turkey buzzard, and had To re-
III We tn another boarding place. At
this new place they suggested "a differ
ent remedy to any yet tried. A sheet
bath was recommended. | had never
refused remedy yet and it seemed
poor policy to commence then; there
fore determined To take "a sheet-bath,
though had no idea of what sort Of an
arrangement sheet-bdth WAS. 1t was
administered at midnight, and the air
was frosty. My back and breast were
stripped and "A sheet There appeared to
be thousand yards of III which had
been soaked in ice water, WAS wound
around me until | resembled Il swab
for columbiad. IL is cruel expedi-
ent. Wien the chilly rag touched my
flesh it made me start with sudden
violence and gasp for breath, just as
men 10 in the death agony. 1t frozr
the marrow in my bones and stepped
the beating of my heart. Thought my
time had come. When | recovered
from this, another friend recommended