Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1876-09-16
Capital Undertones.
(Writtea for the Free Press.l
WASHINGTON, /
Sunday Septembor 8, 1876. !


The same party who propounded that very
silly conundrum anent Decoration Day three
months ago. aud whose wretched attempt was
recorded, at the time, in these papers, came TO
me, all smiling, this morning, foil charged
with new riddle, suggested, As be explained,
hy the fruits Of the season. In tones rs iull
Of authority as could well be mustered
on SO short notice, cautioned this parry to
steer clear of usual impious current teSpe-
cially as the day was Sunday and then mo-
toned him to proceed with his puzzle. Be-
fore doing so, however, and TO my utter a.
maZcment-Le proceeded outside the door and
returned almost directly, bearing before him
on plate, which he carried in the most ap-
proved waiterish style a good sized and lus-
cious-lookiug canteloupe, all halved, nicely
eu,ted and sliced. "HIave some?" briefly
inquired the same party, as he placed his
"treai" on tue carpet, and immediately accom-
plshed the difficult feat of himself suTrnand-
ing the plate winking all the time. Some
what averse to such unbecoming levlty IN a
young mau who should certainly have better
sense-the same party is in his twenty second
year, was yet 10th to appear unappreciatiye
Of his simple kindness, and srayely paTtook
Of the profered viand-from my chair
Have some seasonings?" qUoth Sim
plicty, as we'll as he could, his mouth being
quite occupied in the work of reducing, to
swallowing size, portion Of the cauteloupe
already placed therein. AS be spoke, Sim
plicity drew from either pocket of his loosely
fitting coat miniature cruct OF salt and pep
per. Some people take it with these, he ex-
planned, "but don't" Neither was such the
custom of the author so the cruets were re-
placed. After long interval of silence the
same party daigued to start his new connnd-
rum-"sugges,ed by the fruits Of the season.
The question vas slowly put, as though Its
an,icipated length nccessitaied time to form
correct phraseology. "Why-is-ths-stutf o.
pened the same, donically the same party as
he slapped bis nineteenth finely. finished rind
down on the plate-now gniltless OF slice
acknowledgements
cap't.run-away-witli Yes,
that's the right question, and the scamp re-
peated the query while his face became fairly
beaming with smiles at an expected triumph.
Long pondered, and still longer. to connect
fruit of the melon species with n spoiled
Gretna Green. Ridiculous 1t couldn't be
done and intimated as much to my com
panion. Having performed the task of clear
ing away the remains of his treat, literally
has trcat-which he compassed by throwing
the rinds behind my fireboard, and pitching
the old cracked plate out Of the window and
smashing it among the fower-beds, the same
party walized up to my chair and thus de-
| ivered himself: "Why is this fruit (which
is gone) like young lady who can't run
away? Give it np?" Il nodded assent -
"Jerusha Why where's your wits ? BE-
cause it's cant eiopel" The same party
silently left the room, low rumblings of an
explosion of merriment, at my expense, being
strangely audible within his big mouth. lie
| had scarcely closed the door behind him when
the low rum mblings, aforesaid, deepened into
roar-of laughter, as the rascal went down
stairs. For myself, bowed my head, sad
but wiser man. The whole thing flash
ell across my brain in second. Yes, the in
fernal old canicloupe had been paraded before
me merely to suggest the answer to this con-
undrum, and /, poor fool, couldn't see it.
Tears Of rage coursed my checks rs |
vowed to catch that party and fay him alive..or
1t has just this moment transpired that
my late friend, the conundrum lend has left
town-goue, probably, to the Centcnniai.-
Good ridjance
JEAN SAGDs.