Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-03-22

Chips.
A new terror. Women are going
INTO the insurance business. /,
There are 24,526 idiots in the Unit
I'd States. There were A,527, but
Sergeant Bates Is in Canada now.
Excellent wine is for sale at Fayal
at six cents bottle, and if you go
there you can't Fayal to get druk.
1t pleases women to see a man
hold q plate Of refreshments on his
knees at a party. He can't do it with
out turning in his toes.
Rich gold discoveries in the Wind
river valley, Wyoming Territory, are
reported. If You want to raise the
wind you can go there.
The capacity Of the English Ian
guage is being better understood
every day. Brooklyn skaters are
now called "rinkualists."
Mr.. Moody in recent sermon said,
"If you can't be a lighthouse be a
tallow CANDLE" If the latter, 1t is
supposed that he wants them to be
cup to snuff"
The original Ulster overcoat was
invented at Valley Forge. Itconsist-.
ed of bed-blanket, with holes to put
the arms through, and mules halter
for belt.
Somebody in Georgia Cou.t zap
plauded,' whereupon the Judge in
dignantly remarked: "Now, dry up !;
l will let you know that this is no
campmeeting."
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by a young person
who has burnt all the hair off her
forehead with hot slate pencil, and
can't afford to buy row of curls.
"Are those pure canaries ?" asked a
gentleman of bird fancier, with
whom he was negotiating for pair.
ayes, SIR" said the dealer, confiden-
TALLY. 81 raised them ere birds from
this very canary seed ~
4 A Waterville girl worked the mot
to: 81 need thee every hour" and
presented it to her chap. He says he
can't help it. 1t takes him two hours
to milk and feed the pigs, morning
and night, and business has got to be
attended to.
A profane young person describing
the looks of a newly arrived M. G
from the far West as he appeared a.
the Washington depot, says: "Ht
looked as if he had come all the way
across the continent OH the hurricane
deck of mule"
, The Elmira Advertiser says doc
/ tor in that place removed tap'
: worm ssfrom a lad that was ninety
, six feet long and had over clever
, hundred joints Well, boy as Ions
: as that ought to have eleven hundred
joints.-Utsca Herald.
One morning a little 4-year-olt
8 boy lay awake in his crib. His heat
: seemed to be stopped with cold
After vainly struggling for a Will
to clear it he exclaimed: "Mamma
$ what is the matter with one side o
my nose? 1t won't co.
I In Naugatuck Valley, Conn, las
G week the ice accumulated SO thickl,
: on the trees that the bending branche
: interfered with the railroad trains
j. One train was stopped a number o
: times while the brakemen cut of tn
: ice laden branches.
!, J. b. Phillips, of Orwell, Ohio, j
: making cheese which will not b
y completed until the 10th of May, whel
: it is expected to weigh $1,000 pounds
; 1t is, perhaps, needless to say that ]
9 is destined to astonish the natives a
q well as the foreigners at the Centen
= NAL.
t After two Arkansas farmers hat
S squandered 81, lO on the lawyers ii
n irving to find out who owned an oil
s cart, they commenced shooting, ant
J, five cents worth of ammunition
: brought satisfactory decision. 1T
your Cart were the last words Of tn
+ plaintiff.
When a girl crops her front hal
and pulls it down over her forehead
like a Mexican mustang and the
ties piece of red velvet around he
u neck, who can wonder at the pale
' faced young men that throw ava.
a their ambition and pass slceples
: nights in trying to raise down on thei
: upper lips?
i New York Commercial: Scene,
!. butchers shop. Butcher - "Come
John, be lively now break the bone
, in Mr.. Williams chops, and put Nh
, Smiths ribs in the basket for him.
, John (briskly)-"AN right, sir jus
6 as soon as have sawed off Mrs. Muir
/ phys Leg"
"Eliza," said clergyman to one Q
!, his parishioners, whom he saw wit
! her hair in curling papers. eff CO.
I, had designed your hair to curl, h
would have curled it for YOU" "H
!, did, sir. when was a child" was tn
reply "but He thinks now am oil
enough to do it myself"
At a late prayer meeting one of tn
/, brethren directed attention to .
! stranger, who was sitting by himsel
I near the door, and asked why he wa
/, not invited to pray. Because" re
9 proyingly observed a deacon, "thi
4 isn't no place for practical jokes
, That mans the president of ga
l company.
\ DIR. ,ralmage says: "Whcn W
q find man contemptuous of labor AM
acting as though he never worked a
all, and as though his ancestors ha'
n never worked, we make up our min
y that if you 60 little further back il
y the mans ancestral line you will ru
y against scavenger's cart or upset
y soap boilers kettle.
Our San Antonio Herald frien
0 thinks that the Grand Jury system
0 d failure. He says the present Gran
0 Jury, instead of taking steps to pun
0 ish the fiend who strolls about gain
0 on the moon, and squeezing miser
: out of an ACCORDION, is fritterin
0 away its time investigating squat
s BILE where two men were killed.
: In partnership case Decided in tn
Philadelphia Court of Common Plea
. former partner was held liable 70
: debt contracted after its dissolution
: the Judge charging that in cases G
= dissolution of copartnerships ther
should bea personal notice Of tn
!. fact to all persons with whom tn
= firm had been dealing, and a publ
. notice in the paper, to relieve partie
from responsibility.
0 A young man in Illinois receive
J, an emphatic mo" from the girl h
e loved because he was poor. He wer
into the woods to hang himself, bu
found $36, 600 in gold and returned I
the girl, clinked the yellow boy
a under her freckled nose, and the
went away and gave his love to tn