The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-03-24

lIOHu IL ldu LIldL WIS HlDSLI -HlA ISSb loh
aud had over a eleven hundred joints.
Well, a boy rs long as that ought L
nave eleven hundred joints.
AT the marriage of an Alabama
widower one Of the servants was asked
his master would take a bridal tour
Dunno, sab when old missus' alivt
he took a paddle to her; dunno if b,
take bride to de new one or uot."
THE MEETING OF THE WATERS
/ saw a shadow fading out
Where light saw light in greeting;
A veil consumed between two orlds
Where this and that were meeting.
! Ny ear touched silence where the song
OF ocean ceased its moaning;
Twas only where the sea beyond
Began its deep intoning.
Thus sings and paints for thee, Q soul,
I.ife's sad, exultant story -
The veil discloses, the music dies,
But after that the glory.
HE was Parisian. They asked him
what would be the most horrible thing
to him. He said, after long reflection,
" 1t would be to be guillotined without
knowing it, and to come to myself all Of
a sudden and see myself in u glass, head
less"
The Suez canal has become so much a
cause of jealousy between England and
France that Sir Daniel Lange has been
dropped from the direction of the compA-
ny. This gives rise to much ill-feeling,
which is justified by English interests in
the work.
A PLACARD with the words False
alarm-nO danger" was for years a regu-
lar part of the stage furniture of the old
Chicago museum, and WAS once or twice
used with effect. 1t il suggested that
theaters and public halls be provided
with them as means Of preventing
panics.
THE average Milwaukee reporter hav-
ing found the skull of an Aztec with u
glass eve, now finds in Lake Michigan
sea serpent with fins striped like the
American flag. Two drinks more would
have put spectacles on that skull and
made the reporter see stars rs well as
stripes.
"MAMMA," /" said n youthful youngster
the other day, chow old shall | be next
birthday" six, my son, il you live"
"Well, suppose / don't live, can't l go
right on having birthdays like George
Washington Y There are some older
bows who like to have their birthdays
"go right on"
A MAN popped into the postoffce and
wanted to know how much merchandise
he could send in one parcel. I" -Four
pounds" was thereby. Then he said
he thought he would send out to Arizona
four pounds of those red toy balloons,
inflated; but he had difficulty in getting
out of the door in time TO dodge mail
bag.
THE feeling seems to be gaining
ground in commercial circles that unless
some improvement is invented IN safe
locks. a return will have to he made to
the custom of those halcyOn days when
the cashjcrs wife carried the assets Vt
the institution in her stocking and slept
with "a rolling PIN and a fiat iron uEder
her pillow.
"MAIsTER," said an old Scotch ser
want. sis il guide manners when the gen.
tleman gies.a glass o whitky, to take ~.
drap or drink off the hail OF The
master having, in hOmely Scotch phrase,
iudiciously replied to this poser That the
courtesy consisted in lmblblng the
whole, the man exclaimed, with slgh
of relief: "Then Guide be thankit, was
J!
THE unerring exactness with which
the sperm whale will pursue his way
across the ocean for whole day without
deyiating from his course single point
Of the compass, as whalemen have often
them to do, is truly astonish-
inc The manner in which their reason
Or instinct guides them on such an unVA-
rving course must needs be a matter OF
conjecture.
THE SMASH Ar Hollow ASH
You intimate that you want TO know
bout the smash
That happened down to Hollow ABh.
Well. if there's anybody knows,
lie wears about my style OF clothes
in short. then, twas Deacon Humper's ia
neral,
And everything was doing well.
driv the mourners, and Joe Fresh,
lie had he head Of the procesh.
Them Templar fellows from the town
With an excursion train came down;
And lust as they were coming back
We was about 20 cross the track;
Ioe turns around and says 10 me
md in his hand he held V
'TII bet You this that this here hearse
win cross ahead Of that excurse."
Them mourners they set up yell,
nd then was missin' for spell;
1 war amazin' how that crowd
'avorted upward in cloud
They piled them victims on the sWarn'
, bout three-quarters Of a cord.
IN ton they put the deacons meat,
{ut where Joe went We all was beat.
sarched the pieces of that train,
And sarched, and sarched. and sarched IN
vain,
\nd to this day il does beat me
Yhar was the piece that held that V.
The Rev. A. b. Kendig says TO the
naiahs: "TO accept challenge to
ight a duel, or stand in the prize-ring,
or pugilistic pummeling, is courage
# which the horned bovine and tho
narling bulldog are capable. But to
zee n wrong and expose it, fashlon.
,ble sin and withstand it, II personal
weakness and overcome it, powerful
and resist it, Is that high
rider of courage Of which only the
ruest man is capable"
OEthe 9Th Of October, 1776. John
dams wrote to his wife, from Philadel-
,hia: "The spirit Of venality you men
ion is the most dreadful and alarming
.ncmy America has TO oppose. 1t Is a.
and Unsuitable as the grave.
This predominant avarice will ruin Amer
ca, IL she is ever ruined. If God Al
mighty does not interfere by his grace
% control this universal idolatry 70 the
of unrighteousness, we shall
Ne given up to the chastisement OF his
Judgments. am ashamed of the age
i've in"
CHIEF JUSTICE RYAN. of Wisconsin,
would rather zee n woman supporting
ler husband and children by honest Ia
Dor at the wash-tub than saving the air
N a courtroom. Says the great chief
Justice Nature has tempered woman
rs little for the judicial conflicts Of the
courtroom az for the physical conflicts
IF the battlefield. Womanhood il mod
eled for gentler and better things. And
il is not the saints of the world who
chiefly give employment TO our proies-
sion. II has essentially and habitually
to do with all thst is selfish and eXtor,,
iionate. knavish and criminal, coarse and
brutal, repulsive and obsce in human
life."
AN honest farmer once led his two tnr-
KEYS into his granary and told them ts