Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-06-29
Too Sad Not to be True,

| hoAiAo eeIi Ntds, tOAiIlllCu W Tie mouse
and barn by the rain, and excited by
the prospect of unlimited fun during
| the long vacation. He was a blessing
| to his mother and sister, and his affec-
tionate parent caught her death of cold
! by running around after him in one
stocking foot, searching out the tender
| places in his nature and anatomy with
a four and a half slipper. He tied one
| end of his sisters ball of crochet-cot-
| ton to the tly-wheel Of the sewing-ma-
| chine and the other around the tail of
| the cat, and by the time his mother
| had SeWed half way down one of the
long seams in Mr.. Bilderback's new
| night-shirt, all but a few yards of that
cotton was a chaotic mass about that
fiy-Wheel and shaft, and the cat was
| Waiting in and out of the kitchen,
spraWling along backward, tail straight
as a poker, fur up and eyes afame,
snarling and splitting and swearing like
mad, and Mrs. Bilderback and her
daughter assembled the table and
shrieked till the windows ratified, while
Master Biiderback hid behind the
clOthes-horse in the kitchen, lay down
on his back and laughed a wicked, CUR
Cling kind Of a laugh. Then he went
out and iammed a potato into the nose
of the chain pump, and the hired girl
went out and pumped till her arms
ached clear down to her heels, and
then told Mrs. Bilderback the cistern
had sprunk a leak and was dry as a
bone. And then Mrs. Bilderback, de-
claring she knew better, went out and
turned the wheel till her head swan,
and she gave up, and Miss Bilderback
went out and turned till she cried, and
then Master Bilderback, rather than
go to the neighbours for water, went
out and fixed the pump, and came in
to be praised, and was duly praised
with the slipper, for he had been
watched. He put an old last year S
fre-cracker in the kitchen stove,
strange visitors for about two
hours, to the great amazement of
his mother and sister, by pinning a
placard on the porch step, plainly seen
from the street, but invisible from
the front door: "Man wanted, to
drive carriage; $500 q month and
cir
of relief when she heard Mr.. b. step
in the hall, and informed her son that
as soon as his father came in he should
be duly Informed Of all that had been
going on. There was a most impress
sive silence followed this remark, and
the trio in the sitting-roOm listened to
Nh. Bilderback's heavy breathing as
he Invested himself of his wet boots
and prepared to assume his slippers.
Master Bilderback's face wore an ex-
preston of the deepest concern.
Suddenly the silence was broken by
a shout of establishment and terror,
followed by howl of intense agony,
and there was a gathering as of a run
away crockery wagon in the hall. The
affrighted family rushed to the door
and beheld Mr.. Bilderback cleaving the
shadows with wild gestures and frantic
gyrations. 'Take it off, - he shouted;
and made a grab at his own foot, but,
missing it, went on with his war dance.
Watern' he shrieked, and started up
stairs, three at step, and turning,
came back in single stride, ooh, I'm
stabbedp' he cried, and sank to the
floor and held his right leg high above
his head; then he rose to his feet with
a bound and screamed for the boot
jack, and held his foot out toward his
terrified family. "Oh, bring me the
arnica?' he yelled and with one des
pairing effort he reached his slipper and
got it off, and with groan as deep as
a well and hollow as a drum, sank into
a chair and clasped his foot in both
hands. Look out for the scorpion,
he whispered hoarsely, I'm a dead
man."
Master Bilderback was by this time
out in the Wood-shed, rolling in the
kindling in an ecstacy of glee, and
pausing from time to time to explain
to the son of a neighbor, who had
dropped in to see if there was any in
nocent sport going on in which he could
| share, ooh, Bill, Bill" he said, "yOu
wouldn't believe; some time to-day,
some how or other, big blue wasp got
into the old mans slipper, and when he
come home and put it on-oh, Bill, You
don't know
And the only mystery about that
saddened household is, how that boy
knew there was wasp in that slipper.
Huntington H0aOkEge.