Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-10-25
Pleasantries.


scribes as " a kiss which is like the con.
tact of oysters"
ALL bitters have heating tendency
and bad effect" said doctor to a
young lady. "You will except a bitter
cold morning, won't you, doctor ?" in
quired the lady.
A VERMONT youth at his mothers
funeral said to the neighbors: "Me and
father are much obliged to you all and
hope soon to be able to do as much for
you."
l don't think" says old Mrs. Part
ington, that bookkeeping is a very
sedative employment. They must get"
she added thoughtfully, $50 much ex-
erclse running up the columns"
A MATERIAL1zED spirit in Rochester
got SO mad at a fellow the other even
ing for turning on light at the wrong
moment shat it yelled: ;'Let go of me
until get the ak and split that ours
head open. He shall never leave this
room alive |"
"A TEACHER asked bright little girl
What country was opposite us on the
globe?" Don't know sir" was her
answer. "Well now," pursued the
teacher, elf I were to bore a hole
through this cart +, and you were to 90
III at this end, where would you come
out?" "Out of the hole, sir" replied
the pupil, with an air of triumph.
A NEGRO witness, on a horse trial in
New Jersey court, was asked to ex-
plain the difference between box stall
and a common stall. Strengthening
himself up, he pointed to the square
Enclosure in which the judge was seated
and said, "Dat ar's what | calls box
stall, dere, whar dat old boss is sit
WHEN dog barks at night in Japan
the owner is arrested and sentenced to
work year for the neighbors that
were disturbed. The dog gets eff cas-
Ter, being simply killed. Our enlight-
ened country has still many things to
learn from the more favored but less
civilized people.
How late may lovers stay ? is the vital
question just now. Of course there
will be difference of opinion, but per-
sonally, we should set the time to move
at about the moment when we become
aware that man out in the back bed
room has arisen. and is tucking his
shirt IN his pants, and getting on his
boots.-FuHoa, Times.
A YOUNG bank clerk at Toronto has
just espoused a lady who is described
in the marriage notice as the fourth
daughter of Major -, staff officer,
and granddaughter of General -,
Colonel-in-chief of Her Majesty's -
Regiment, and of the late General
-, Colonel Commandant Royal En-
g1neers, and great-granddaughter Of
the late General Sir - K. G. B.,
K. G. H."
Mr.. DoRK1Ns hurried into the house
and exclaimed: 81 have got another,
my dear-a good one.. If you were on
the top of a church spire on the back
of goose, how would you get DOWN."
Mrs. Dorkins thought she'd Jump down,
slide down the lightning rod, fly down
on the goose, fall down, and then gave
1t up. Why, il you wanted to get
down, you could pick it off the goose"
said Mr.. Dorkins exultantly.
The other day young woman from
parts unknown observed another drink
ing glass of soda. "What is that 2"
she asked the dealer. "Soda water.
Will you have some ?" "Don't care if
[ do" responded Mrs. Verdant. Before
she set down her glass the prompt sell
Ter suggested the payment Of 10 cents.
"What fer ?" she asked with an amazed
stare. "Why, for your soda water"
was the response. 81 didn't ask you for
1t, replyed the indignant damsel; "you
asked me to have some. Here, take
your old soda water; it's nothing but
fuzz anyway" and pushing toward MIN
the remains OF the ''fuzz" she coolly
walked off, wiser than when she came,
and leaving the soda man trife sadder.
= Centennial Letter.
A FAT old gentleman was bitten in the
calf of the leg by a dog. He at once
rushed to the Office of the Justice of
the peace and preferred a complaint
against a man in the neighborhood
whom he supposed to be the owner of
the offending cur. The following was
the defence offered on the trial: 1. By
testlmoney In favor of the general good
character of my dog, shall prove that
nothing could make him so forgetful
of bis canine dignity as to bite a calf.
z. he is blind, and cannot see to bite.
3. Even if be could see to bite, it would
be utterly impossible for him to go out
of his way to do SO, on account Of his
severe lameness. 4. Granting his eyes
and legs to be good, he has no teeth.
5. My dog died six weeks ago. g..
never had any dog.
A Boston printer advertises that his
boy is lost. Any one seeing a "full
face" boy with "small cap" will
please return him to his anxious parent.
-Nea0 York Conaaae, ciol advertiser. Said
parent will then chase" the boy, "put
q head on him." and clock up his
form. "-Bsnghantom Republican. And
unless the truant promise to do so no
more it might be well enough to take
" stick" and "plane" him down SO that
1t will leave an impression" on his
+" frame" Whose next "take" is it?-
Etnira Advertiser. He has been found
" setting up On an empty case" with
his hand full of pi.",Boston Com. BuL
ktin. But he cannot be Justified for
81 fh~