Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1876-01-21
MULTUM In PARVO.

A.
AMERICAN oysters are exported to En-
gland. 'i
The New York SIN wants al Governor
who will write message only six, inches
long.
THE more man or woman knows the
less he gossips about neighbors.l Culture
kills CAB. ..f,
HEAVY strata of anthracite coal have
been discovered in the Apennines, near
Genoa. 49,. ...s.-,-
A. VIRGINTAN goes to school to his wife,
and she makes him stay after school when
he's unruly. ....t.... mini
PROFANITY and plug tobacco arc the
crutches on which many a boy walks to II
loafer's grave.
/ THE Alta California wants every man
who wears a. diamond on his shirt front
arrested on suspicion. q7.g asIag
"WHY, Mary Ann, what in the; world
are you doing with the scissors ?" . Shurc
yez tould me to scallop the oysters"
| ACCORDING to recent statements ten
steamers and 800 lives have been lost on
the Pacific coast within the past few years.
WHY is it that butchers and grocers will
insist on putting Happy New Year" at
the foot of an outrageously big bill?
COLUMBUS discovered America, but
when a boy he had as much difficulty in
seeing an empty wood box or WATERFALL
as any other boy. s.f.= ~"
A CONTEMPORARY 1gravely asserts that
the entrance of the centennial year was
more demonstratively celebrated than any
of its predecessors"
| u MEN of genius always get into debt, but
every man who fails to'pay his board-bill
is not necessarily genius He is another
kind of genius-adeceased vegetable.
YOUNG MAN, when an old man tells
you that people can never love but once,
set him down as deceivcr. If the girl
has money in the bank every time, man
can love forty different girls --3
| "SOYOU wouldn'ttake me be twenty?"
said rich heiress 10 an Irish gentleman,
while dancing the polka "What would
you take me for, then % {" For better or
worse replied the son Of the Emerald
Isle.
ADANDY, getting measured for a pair
of riding-boots, observed: g Make them
cover the calf" Heavens" exclaimed
the shoemaker, astounded, surveying his
customer: :" | have not got leathe'
enough" ..........u -J
The shortest will on record reads
''San Francisco, Oct. 20, 1870 All the
property that have belongs to my wife,
Anna Scherp. This is my. will. Franz
Scherp. Witnesses: Peter Kerna, job,
Orths, II. B. Moorbrick. - s'"3
PROF. TIcE seems suddenly to have lost
his influence on the weather, as all his
predictions for the winter have failed.
After all we shall have to fall back on the
old -fashioned almanac weather-tables for
anything approaching correct prophecies.
--Detrott Free Press. a7o321 32 3-H.'
| THERE is no better, no safer way, no
easier way, no surer way Of saving chill
| dren from the debasing influences of the
street, from coTupting association and
| from the acquisition of vicious and hurt
full practices, than to make home attract
iye.--W. w. Hail.. aala ,as aat
DID it ever occur TO you, kind mammas,
asks the thoughtful Boston 1Tanscrtpt,
while trottmg your babies on your laps in
such vigorous way, that if some giant,
about ten times your size, were to trOt you
in similar style the breath would be
very apt to be jounced out of your body?
A FEW weeks ago pond of water in
| North Alabama suddenly disappeared
with a loud, rumbling sound, to the great
dismay of a couple Of gentlemen who
were Standing on its banks preparing to
shoot ducks. A large hole is all thatre
mains to mark the spot where was the
runaway pond.
THE. Bureau of Statistics of the Detroit
| Free Press estimates that Cd there have
been but 1913, 800 newspaper slllrs at pull
back dresses up to date" These figures
are large, and it is no wonder they in
spired the poet to the utterance OF these
! burning words: q D'4' i@@~A
| oh, let poor woman's clothes alone;
They're none of your concern; igsa{
She never makes no fun of your'n,
Then why poke fun at her'n?
NEAR Hillsboro' ~ H., lives a swain,
who supports an aged fatherlwith the aid
of about two dollars week from the
town. A short time since one Fl OF the
Selcctmen called on him and expressed
The idea that dollar ought in future TO
satisfy him. g A dollari you don't mean
dollar - was the reply of the astonished
SON. why, you ought to- see the cid
devil eat!p The deduction was not in
sisted upon.
Two OF our School Commissioners
started outthe other day to pay visit to
one of the schools. On entering the yard
they saw a little boy playing around
whose face, hands and clothes were not
quite as clean as they might have been.
One of the Commissioners called him up
and told HIM he had better go home and
get his mother to clean him up a little
and make him appear more decent On
the boy approaching the speaker the other
Commissioners was heard to eXclaim:
"Why, dash it ALL that's my boy!"-
Rochester IN. ~ Union.