The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1876-06-15
THE PRoFEssoR OF SIGNS


It is an old saying, and a true one, that
there are always two ways of telling
story; and this could scarcely be better
shown than by the incident l am about
to relate.
Shortly after King James, first of En-
gland and sixth of Scotland, removed to
London, he was waited on by the Span
ish Embassador.
This functionary was a man Of great
learning. but, like many learned men, he
had his whims, the chief of these being
the notion that every country, and every
college even, should have its Professor of
Signs, and he rarely let an opportunity
slip of forwarding his views thereon.
No sooner, therefore, was he on speak
ing terms with the king, than he VEN
tured to introduce his pet idea, and King
James, being himself a scholar and not
at all ayerse to gossip, readily gave ear
to his foreign visitor.
You must allow, SIRE" said the em-
bassador, "that every scholar would be
glad to find universal language; and
more especially does every traveller in
strange countries lament some means
whereby he and any people he might
find himself amongst should be able to
understand each other"
To this the king assented, and the en-
bassador went on:
Now, we all know" said he, "that
since the confusion of tongues no uni
versal language has existed, nor is such,
perhaps, likely to be; but there is q
language of signs which is common, not
only to man, but to the beasts of the
field and to the birds of the air. Your
fiery Frenchman can say much with q
shrug of his shoulders; the hot italian
speaks volumes by a single wave of his
arm; and it is the boast of the proud
Spaniard that glance of his eye or s
curl of his lip may often express more
than his tongue can utter. You will
pardon me, your majesty, if I say thai
nowhere are signs so much neglected a
| in this cold country, where I canno
even drive one of your lacqueys from m!
path without using theirbroken and dis
cordant tongue"
Somewhat nettled by this speech, Kin.
james, who loved a joke at times. replied
as good-naturedly as his temper woult
permit:
"Why, man, you err in this matter o
gesticulation. For years I have had il
she northmost college of my dominion
-to-wit, in the fair city of Aberdeen
professor who could rival all your south
ern dons in signs and grimaces. But,
said the king, afraid that the Spaniar
might attempt to verify his statement
Aberdeen is a great way off"
"Were it ten thousand miles, reptile
the ambassador, "I shall not rest till
have seen this wonderful man"
Upon the departure of the embassadc
, he set out with as little delay &
, possible-King james, having got hin
!, self into difficulty, sent for his coul
, selors, as is the custom of royalty, to hel
him out of it. The advice that the.
wise men gave was, that the don shoul
be overtaken, and bundled out of IL
8 country as man not fit to be at larg
d "Nay-nay," said King James, "N
q must offer no violence and no insult
d the ambassador of our cousin of Spai
s We will cen let the gentleman go on b
b way; the court will be rid of him for
n time at least, and he will probably
it none the worse for his journey. Let Of
10 secretary write to the Faculty of Abe
d deem setting forth the whole outs and i
It of the case, and tell them it is our roy
> pleasure that they receive their foreil
{, visitor graciously, and that we trust
If them getting us out of the difficulty wi
d no discredit to their king or to thel
n selves"
g In due course the ambassador arriv
r at the good city of "Bon Accord" al
le was received by the city authorities wi
le great solemnity. He had scarcely G
le over the formalities of the reception a
,r taken such rest and refreshment as "
lie necessary after SO long journey, and
O. beftted one of his high rank, than
We asked to be presented to the Professor
le Signs, whom he had come SO many mi
to see.