Saturday visitor. (Newark, Del.) 1876-1876, 1876-02-12
HUMOROUS.


LIGHT WANTED.-A large number of
unmarried young men would be pleased
to know whether they are to wait for
invitations from the other sex, or
whether they can pay their own way
into the Unity Leap Year Party. They
are considerably exercised over the con-
undrum, and are already beginning to
look pale and detected. One says, "Now
here is what upsets me. 'Sposin' a lady
invites me to CO.. say yes. Poorly
soon up comes another and invites me.
I say, well, the fact is, you see,
can't;' and then she'll say, '0f course
you can't refuse, the very idea, and so
on. Then Pm in q nice kettle of mack
erel. Then again, 'sposin' the girl
want to invite me don't get around
until it's too late. That would be rough,
you see." An answer is requested from
the management to- these ,sopl-harrew-
Ing proposltions.-+San Jose Mercary.
: WHY SHE DIDN'T SMoKE.-Old Mrs.
Duflicker stated to neighbor, the other
night, while comfortably sitting in front
of the fire, that she had callers had a
great notion to learn to smoke" she did
so love theH'aromy of tobacksr.' She
added: 81 would hey learned long ago,
dear knows, but ] heard wunst that a
man had his tongue paralyzed by
smokin', and that skeered me out. Lord
knows 1 wouldn't want my tongue
paralyzed, fur /. couldn't talk none if it
was.9 Here the old gentleman, who
had been silently gazing into the fire,
drew long sigh. There's no telling
what the old fellnw.was thinking about.
EASY ARITHMETIC. lin Lady Woods
new novel, Bstoo the Salt, one of the
characters gives definition in arith-
our young lady readers. Edgar is
speaking to Pleasanee :bgeF IN yI3rea-
"Now l kiss you three times on one
cheek, and four times on yonr mouth.
How many did that make altogether ?"
"Seven," whispered the girl, olsen
gaging herself to breathe. more freely.
THAT is aritAmeetid,' aidthe youth,
triumphantly.
"Dear me-" said Pleasance, 81 should
not have thought it,
HADN'T. Been THERE, In the office of
one of the hotels the other day a man
spit great deal of tobacco Juice around,
voyage to Europe last year. He used
many oaths, made himself disagreeably
familiar to all, and finally stepped on a
little mans corns and bluntly asked:
"Did you ever go to Europe?"
"No, sir, never did," was the reply
az have had all i could do to stay al
home and learn manners"
There was lots of silence around there
after that.
"a SCOOP Voice. s'Madam, do you
know that you possess one of the best
voices in the world ?" said a saucy fell
low TO Division street woman one day
this week. ~ xs.,vv
'Indeed, do 'you think soY, replied
she, with flush of pride at the Com
pliment.
81 do, most certainly" continued til,
rascal, "for if you hadn't it would hav'
been worn out long agon' 1870 s9al Al,
For the first time in that woman'S lif,
she hadn't a word to say.-Chicdyt
Journal. ,......
A CERTAIN parson, who is also I
school-teacher, handed a problem to hi
class in mathematics the other day
The first boy took it, looked at it awhile
and said: 81 pass.'' Second boy tool
it and said: 81 turn it down." TIL,
third boy Stared at it awhile, oanC
drawled out: 81 capt make it. u ever,
good boys. "saia tide par son W. We viii
proceed to cut for d new deal. AM
the switch danced like lightning owe
the shoulders of those depraved, young
mathematician.
A RESIDENT who reached Detroit by
noon train yesterday, after an absenc
of two weeks, was met at the depot b,
his eight-year old son, who loudly wei
coined him. "And is everybody we'll
Willie?" asked the father. 'sThe well
est kind" replied the boy. "Ant
nothing has happenedP" "Nothing a
all. I've been good, Jennie's b1el
good, and never saw ma behave her
self so well as she has this time |"
"EvIL COMMUNICATIONS, % ETC.
Scene-Mrs., Lyon Hunters drawing
room, during lectere on s'Woman'
Rights" Modest youth lin .whispe
to young lady looking for seat); 'E
excuse me, but do you believe in til
Equality of the sexes, Miss Wilhel
mina?"F Young lady: "Most certainl
L. do, Mr.. JONES'" Modest youth
"Hawl In that case of course l needn'
give you up my chair. "-Panch.
g"WHAT's the matter, Uncle Jerry?
said Mr., as old Jeremiah HI. wa
passing by, growing most fhriously
matter I" said the old man, stoppin
short; "Why, here I've been luggin
water all the morning for DR.. C.'s wit
to wash with, and what dye 'spose
+ got for itp", "Why, suppose abor
ten CENTS" answered Mr.. "Te
cents She told me the doctor woul
pull tooth for me some time."
AS MY wife at the window, one bear
tiful day, stood watching man with
monkey, cart came along with brot
of boy, who was driving a stout lit
!, donkey. To my wife then l spoke, b
! way of joke, "rhere's relation {
yours in that carriage" TO which sl
: replied, when the donkey she spice
! "Ah yes, relation by marriage"
QUIZ, who took trip to the eountr
yesterday, remarked, after a night {
serious contemplation, elbow, closely
farmer, who hasa big load 10 pull, r,
sembles a Locomotive. He puffs, an
blows, and gets up. hik team" ~. 10
Sis THERE much w2ter in the cisterl
BiddyP" inquired gentleman of h
servant girl as she came up from Il
. kitchen. st is full on the bottom, 81
! but there's none at all on the top" WI
: the reply. GEL NH NJ
e PUNCH once told droll story of a ma
e who, being suddenly raised to- richie
e exclaimed, in the fullness Of his sati
e faction, "Oh, that i could stand in Il
/. | road and see mvse1f ride nv i'm NV "a