, 1876-01-22
Mr.. Jenkins's Alarm.
BY PATCHEN's BOY.

Zach! do you hearl Oh! dear, there's
robbers in the house, as sure as I'm alive,
cried Mrs. jenkins, in a low, timid voice
"Wake up, will you? oh, Lord! all
the new silver is down stairs; there's all
the ornaments on the mantle, and the new
lace curtains-they'll be sure to take
those; they'll spit on the new carpet, and
we'll be ruined" groaned Mrs. j.
She struck her hands against Us back,
but there was no sign of awakening. She
struck again-harder this time.
"Wazzer matter with you2 Lay still,
will you2 er-er," drowsily muttered j.
zach, Zach, there's robbers in the
huuse"
"Hev! her waz Eat yer say?" exclaimed
Zach, as he raised himself on his elbow.
"Robbers down stairs; don't you hear
them2 There, hear that"
Eyes, but what do you want me to dol"
said j., now fully awake.
"Why, go down and hunt them out.
Yer amt afraid, are yerl'
"No, Amanda, I'm not afraid, but
there is no sense in my going down. Sup
pose one of them should be laying behind
the door at the head OF the kitchen stairs,
and, as attempted to pass, should brain
met Pleasant to think of, amt itl" shiv-
cred Zach.
"There's no need of my going down
now, Amanda" went on Zach, "they
must have gone; l don't hear them"
'There's that noise again; now Zach
Jenkins, want you to go down, or ifyou
don't will, and will tell all the neigh
bors what a nice coward you are. Will
you gol" almost yelled Mrs. ].
"I'll go; but will say farewell. Let
me kiss the baby, for l will never, never
see it again. In ten minutes ! shall be
corpse" ,
"Now, old man, you jist git out of bed
and go on down, do you hear, you shiv-
ering coward2"
"0-ooch, its cOld," exclaimed j., as he
put his trembling foot out of bed. "Where
are the matches2"
"On the bureau"
"D-l take that rocking chair, it's al
ways in ones way" cried j., cropping
around in the dark. 81 can't find them
deuce take that pin"
sGow, if you want to find them, they
Ire on the left hand side. l think you
lge afraid to-"
>1aaPve got them" was the surly reply.
"Well, light the gas here and go down,
and don't stand there shaking like Leaf" "
amanda, we've been married nearly
five years; haven't always been a good
and true husband to you, bought you
new hats that cost ten dollars each, and
striped stockings at two dollars a pair,
and pin back dresses, and high-heel
bootsl And now you would have me go
down there and get murdered-nay, don't
interrupt mc-murdered, l say, most
| foully; yea, slain in the most horrible
manner, struck on the head with the fur
mace crank and knocked senseless, throat
cut from ear to car, eyes blinded with
cayene pepper, and then stabbed to death.
Farewell, l forgive you. Tell the baby
boy when he grows up that his father
loved him and that he died braVely
knowing that set of murderers was in
his house, he got out Of bed, went down
stairs, and defantly faced them, but was
over-powered and killed. Idon't owe"
"Here, Zach. Jenkins, don't want an y
more of your eloquence. Yer got to 60
down any way and find out what's the
matter"
"Well, III GO" said the almost fainting
man, as he moved toward the stairs, shiv-
ering, shaking, and quaking with fear.
"Go on, exclaimed Mrs. j., as she fol-
lowed him to the head of the stairs.
]. now wslowly descended to the hall and
lit the gas therein, and being urged on by
Mrs. j., moved toward the basement
stairs again, opened the window and
screeched, "Policel Murderl Thief
Watch !" etc.
A policeman passing by heard the cry,
and was promptly on the spot (note this,
some one). ]. threw out his key and
bade him enter. He met him in the hall
and explained that some robbers were in
the house. The policeman led the way
down stairs, j. TREMENDOUSLY following.
Policeman cautiously opened the kitchen
door, and 10 what did he behold but the
cat tossing ball up and down the room.
Policeman looked at ]. and smiled. j.
looked at policeman and grinned-a pale,
sickly, CHASTITY grin, more like an idiot; a
smile mingled with pleasure and fright.
Policeman departed after taking "nip,"
and ]. went to bed again. Who has not
been frightened by catl But Jenkins
swears his wife shan't have a Christmas
present this year.