The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-06-03
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.


From Philadelphia standpoint douotess IN
napers of that city are correct in regarding I'M
nroposed congress OF lawyers in that city as 1
prospective "aflction" "As big rascal as
Philadelphia lawyer" has passed into provero
Bob Ingersoll is to make speech for Blaine
at Cincinnati. Bob was selected doubtless be-
cause he cleared Dan Num-
Since Mr.. Bayard Taylor says that the centen.
NAL opening makes him "proud and satisfied as
an American" the Rochester Democrat thinks
the 100000 have not been expended in vain.
New York Sun: And yet we believe Blaine had
the money.
"Most noble sire" remarked gentleman to
Alcsntara. Yesterday, show did you like Chica.
go% "Sheecago? responded the emperor, "Ah I!
YOU mean re little down we're &c odor vas so yer
strong! All, l do not recolleck"-St. Louis Re
publican. .r
When physicians are summoned to the Sui
tan's palace at Constatinople they enter the ha
rem with the old ceremonial. First comes a
eunuch brandishing very large sabre; then
comes the doctor, followed by two other eunuchs
armed to the teeth Clergymen are never ad-
mitted now. The sultan has heard of the Beech
err scandal.
The Chicago Tribune predicts that in this
presidential canvass the Republicans will be
charged with excessive taxation, frauds In the
revenue, bribery and sales of offices, dealcations
entertainments and general corruption of the
public service" How well the Tribune knows
the Republican party!
Ddsf lin hoi rod a
abraided countenance, now comes squarely out
and tells his story. He states: Miss Anthony
says marriage is luxury to men. We used to
think so, but we've modified our views consid-
erably."
Motto Of a Portland temperance reform club:
ave bend the knee, but not the elbow" This
is supposed to refer to a dexterous habit Of
drinking out Of the bung,
Wisdom comes with age Peter Cooper is 81
years old aud that's the reason he refused to ac-
cept the sreenback nomination He knows bet
fer.
Nursery rhymes from the New York World
Hickory, dickory, dock;
Who got that railroad stock!
Says Blaine al did not
II did" says Scott
Call Mcclure, OF Little Rock.
This little pig went to congress;
This little pig stayed at home;
This little pig got postotiice
This little pig got none;
And this little plg cried" We-we-we-
We want reforIn We want reform!"
Within the party.
Tbnro 10 M Mre Non Comornn. ubinh in lou
of the way cab,nent ministers wives are treated
by the newspapers nowadays, is probably for
tunate circumstance for her.
The Napervillc Clarion, n little seven column
patent inside concern, the entire outfit OF which
could probably be bought for $500, speaks Of the
big Chicago Kellogg patent inside mandatory
as our branch Office in Chicago" The Clarion
man should be warned by the frog that swelled
up so that he busted.
Mrs Sheridan thought parrot might amuse
the baby, and said so, but when she saw an Is.
Founder Parrot gun come trundling up to the
house on dray, she saw that Philip had mis-.
understood her
George W. Childs rolled his eyes in q fine
frenzy the other merning as he observed the first
green apple OF the season on a corner fruit-stand
and, rushing to his office, he dashed off the fol.
lowing: "Put away the pretty playthings with
which our darling used to frolic. He will need
them on earth never for he died of bilious col
ic;" and, marking it"sl per line" he sent it
down to take its place with the other obituary
treasures of the counting. room.
statue Of a base ball player, sculpturcd for
the centennial exhibition, was rejected. 1t had
four straight fingers and a sound thumb on each
hand, and its nose wasn't bent particle, and no
court plaster on the ears. No wonder the fraud
was not admitted!
We thought he was somewhere, but knew he
couldn't be found about herc,-thc man who
hasn't applied to any newspaper for the posi-
ton and perquisites Of Centennial Correspond
emit He lives in Michigan, and can neither
read nor write
Quite number Of women who onced danced
with Washington are still living and are quite
lively. The old man. however, can't shake the
hoof like he used to do.
What most ask this centennial year is, that
may stand up and be counted "-ChdrieS Fran
els adams, jr. Very well; you've stood up and
been counted. You count one. You are no
more count than any other man.-7he Graphic.
Bright as the gates Of heaven" is the rather
hyPerbOlcal expression Of the Joliet Sun,
speaking Of local job Of painting and paper
hanging. But every man, they say, makes his
own heaven, and biz wooden door, with frcs
coed panels, is as gorgeous gate probably as
Ed ever expects to enter up there.
The Kankakee Times wants to know whether
potato bugs are worse than snakes IN the boots
knowing all about the latter, and being told that
the potato bugs are coming, he wants to suicide
il they are "worse"
The Kentucky Republicans "ndorsed' Presi.
dent Grants administration. When nasty job
has to be done, there is nothing like the Repub-
lican party OF ahopelessly Democratic state for
going straight about IT.
Why see here!" exclaims the Rochester