The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1876-07-10
PERHAPS A TRIFLE EXTRAVA
CANT.

CANT.
"Hot!' said Mr.. Smith, yesterday, as
he threw himself down in a chair op.
posite the good natured reporter of this
paper-who, it should BE explained, IS a
friend of the Smith fsmily-"hot" l
should say it is"
The reporter NODDED assent, ands Smith
continued ...
"Why you don't know any
thing about heat here; you
ought to live down in my part
of town. Why sir, I'll tell you what's the
God truth; the sun rose over our square
yesterday morning and it has been
standing there ever since. 1t began
shooting its rays right straight down, and
it has been shooting ever since. Tell
me that heat is imperceptsble! Why sir
if you believe me, those rays were as
plain as the nose on your face"
The reporter brushed fly away on &C
count of the allusion:
81 saw them, sir; saw them, and they
we're stealning with pure white heat. 1t
is impossible to live there, sir. 1t is
blazing, boiling, beaming, burning,
broiling, baking, piercing, els
sing, scorching, scathing, tor!ur-
ing, killing, sweating, swearing, singing,
roasting, iindescribably hot! Oh my! l
should say so! Why, sir, have seen
whole families packed away in cellars,
ten feet apart, with layers of ice between
them, and painting and swearing all the
time! Why, sir, they have learned this
new artificial mode Of making ice, and 1t
was applied to one man until all the
water in him was as hard rs stone and
IS clear as crystal, and yet he died OF
aeat three minutes afterwards-just three
minutes afterwards.
"Why' sir, you don't know what you
are talking about when you say it is hot.
Wait till you see what have seen, and
hear the means and lamentations l have
heard. If anything could make the
blood run cold, these sights and sounds
would-but they don't. Why, sir, l
have seen whole families swept of at one
stroke by the intense heat. l saw
one poor man, the head of respectable
family, melt right away in the street,
yesterday morning, and didn't see his
wife and daughter consumed three min.
ties afterwards IN flame Of spontaneous
combustion, as they were mourning over
the fast disappearing leather apparel
which had lately ornamented the pedal
extremities of the late husband and
father? Didn't see newly married man
snatched from the arms of his bride by the
remorseless heat? Didn't l see him
swung into the air from off the pile of
ice on which they were sitting2 and
didn't see him crisp up like cracking
and fall by her side while the
look OF affection was yet beaming
from his countensnce, beautiful
but useless thing? and didn't
l see the poor woman melt gradually
away until nothing but the tip end of her
hustle was left? Aye, have l not seen
sights? Why, sir, have seen the trees
melted to the ground as harvest before
the reapers. l have even seen the brick
in the pavement turn to motion mot
Frsnk) lava and run down the cutters a
burning food of liquid fire. My dear
sir, saw a street car driver, his mules,
car and passengers, all swallowed up in a
jifiy. Among these passengers were
Rev. Halstead, Charlie johnson, Russell,
all newspaper men, a female book agent,
and buckley, and if you believe me,
sir, saw their very spirits burned out
of their very bodies, and saw their spIr-
its consumed in"
smith, my good fellow, you forget
yoursel'," said the reporter, as he wiped
the sweat from his brow.
"Dont for the Lords sake say any
thing more; these people are immortal
"Oh, but you cont know the half, sir.
Ii yeu only would let be tell you. l
have seen lightning rods and gold coin
turn TO ashes in twinkling, and the
ashes turn to; but you won't hear me.
see you are busy. Good day. Come
down and see for yourself, if you don't
believe me-"
The patient man promised compliance,
but if i, is any warmer down there than
in the REGISTER office FOR ten minutes
yesterday, he has made one promise
VI bicb he can't pos.ibly fulfill