Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-04-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

from Florida.
Not always identical-men of proper
ty and men of probity.
"A South Chicago girl says that no
girl of spirit will compromise her in
fluence by taking advantage of Leap
Year.
A New York doctor advertises that
he can make people lean, but this isn't
what is wanted. People want straighten-
ing up.
Don't fiatter yourself that spring bon
nets are birdless from merclful desire to
save the lives Of birds. The times called
for cheaper ornaments.
Mr.. Bower, of Kentucky, is 102 years
old. As his wife is dead, he is the left
Bower, and Death will soon order him up.
May he prove good trump Norristo,ea
Herald.
A lazy fellow falling q distance of
fifty feet and escaping with only . few
scratches, a bystander remarked that he
was too slow to fall fast enough to hurt
himself"
An Illinois farmers wife declares
to goodness" that after all the pamphlets
which have been written about egg-laying,
she can't see that the hens take hold and
wv q Wv postSA suou suSy uScu w tWSuty
years ago.
1t was New York mans wife who,
when her husband didn't show spirit
enough 70 suit her in q street.car difficult
ty, remarked, scornfully, that she was q
rich woman-she owned so much stock in
pacific male.
The laws in Utah are very accommo-
dating 10 murderers in one respect. A
man condemned to death is allowed TO
choose between the bullet and rope; and
most of them, with an idea that the former
Is in some sense sodierly death, prefer
it.
Again has the art Of photographing
colors been discovered, and this time, II is
affirmed, successfully. A photographer
In Lyons, France, is the fortunate discov-
erer, and If he can make his performance
equal his promise, his fortune IS made and
his fame assured
We hear Of Washington lady who
appeared in company in calico dress
the other evening. She supposed every
body would shed tears over her goodness
and economy; but instead everybody
looked grieved ana said: "Good graciousl
what's your husband been doing y"--Roch-
ester Democrat
DIR. Hall says many persons have
brought on serious sickness by holding on
TO the knob of the front door while stand
ing in draft and speaking last words
TO friends. But he doesn't caution those
who hold on 10 lamp-posts Mt midnight,
holding maudlin conversations with imag-
mary friends,
Mormon boys living around Salt
Lake, at the head of Weber River, have u
novel way of skating without exertion.
They take width of calico, tie two cor
ners to the toes of their skates, and, hold
ing ON to the two opposite corners, the
wind fills the sail, and the lazy boys are
driven over the ice at lively rate Of
speed,
"A rural female beauty alighted from
the stage coach in front of the American
Hotel the other day, when piece OF rib
bon detached itself from her bonnet, and
fell into the bottom of the carriage. 4" You
have left your bow behind" said lady
passenger. mo amt; he's gone fish
ing" lnnocently replied rustic.-GIens
Falls Republican.
--Simpkins rang the servants bell VIC
lently few mornings since, and called
Bridget 10 explain why the hot water for
| shaving had not been brought early, as he
|
| II up and lave IL ut the door last night, so
that you could have it In good time"
| Simpkins did not talk back, but took
| cold water shave that morning.
We have had an offer of contributions
from one or two poets, or poem writer's"
as one perhaps better expresses 1t. To
this higher class OF composers, we would
say: Unfortunately, we are no critic OF
verse. But we have a iriend-a shoe.
| maker-who is an adept in that line, and
| anything he will approve we shall be glad
to publish. The Cherokee Indian Terri
torn organ.
What constitutes the genuine frontier
costumeY The outskirts of civilization.
Why Is q young lady like bill Of ex-
changer Because she ought 10 be settled
when she arrives ut maturity. -Boston
Globe. Great hevingsl And why Is the
Boston Globe like bird with the hydro
phobiag Because it's a ravin' mad. And
why is 1t like what men with colds said
over the new Secretary's appointment
Daft, by thunderp'-.St. Louis Repubh-
can.
--Recentlya Missouri schoolmistress at
tempted TO whip u big boy after school
when he threw his arms about her and
kissed her and got of without licking.
Another boy in another town read this
item and thought he'd try the same thing.
He threw his arms about the schoolma'am
and kissed her, and thenhe became aware
Of an earthquake. She foored him and
threshed him awfully. This schoolma am
had q grown-up beau Of her own; that
was the difference.
-" Yes, my dear" remarked Spilkins,
over his wanuts and wine, "we must re-
trench the household expenses some
where Now, don't you think II would
be good idea for you to send away your
p-sbiirs girl, and help the cook do the
washing for a month or twoY" Mrs. Spill
kins burst into tears and murmured some
thing about "new bonnet for Easter"
while the economical Leandcr lit II TWEEN
ty-fivc center, and rose from the table with
the easy grace OF Sardanapalus .-T. 7.
G0mmercsal Adrertiser.
Yesterday sentimental German went
into Monroe avenue pawubroker's Of
flee, and wanted to pledge an old tin Oil
can. Three Balls said he didn't take any
such pledges. ~ brings dot gan from
Sharmany ober," said the Teuton. No
good TO me-" said the pawnbroker. 1t
| ish good gan; / use him all der vile"
Cant help that" A tear ran down the
7 n,,tcbman'a check. lac held the tin meas