The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-02-10
Wit and HuAor.


Lord
Wit and HuAOr.
"WHo breaks, pays" if he is obliged
to.
OFFERING of the season-Twenty cents
on dollar.
WEATHER Y's-Those used at the end
of rainy and sunny.
IF you would render your children
helpless all their lives, never permit
them to help themselves.
"TALKING to her husband in loud
tone of voice. is enough to send a
Persian wife to jail for thirty days.
A CALIFORNIA jury, in suicide case,
lately found the following verdict " We,
the jury, find that the deceased was a
fool"
CAM" observed Danbury house
keeper to the hired girl, the other morn
ing, Gas we have entered upon the dawn
of another century of our nations his
tory, [ guess you had better get tooth
brush of your own.
THE MYSTERIOUS PEDESTRIAN.
What means that hurried step?
That rapid moving on?
That haltless, nervous haste :?
What has this person done?
What seeks he to escape,
This swift, this anxious sinner?
Why, yes L might have known
He's on has lUGy to dinner.
A WAC one day asked his friend,
elbow many Fnaves do you sup
pose there are In the street besides your
self 2" "Besides myself9'' replied the
other in heat. Do you mean to insult
me? "Well, then, said the FIST, chow
many do you reckon including your
self"
MADAM, do you know that you pos
sess one of the best voices in the world 2"
said saucy fellow to Division street
woman one day this week. "Indeed,
do you think SOP" replied she, with
flush of pride at the compliment 81
do most certainly" continued the ras-
cal, "for if you hadn't, it would have
been worn out long ago p For the first
time in that woman's life she hadn't
word to say.
AN old bachelor in Maine has been
deferred from committing matrimony, in
a novel way. Thinking over the subject
seriously, and particularly the expense
of maintaining family, he set the table
in his lonely abode with plates for him
self and an imaginary wife and five
children. He then sat down to dine,
and as often as he helped himself to food
he put the same quantity on each of the
other plates and surveyed the prospect,
at the same time computing the cost.
The result of his examination was so
discouraging that he resolved not to
marry.
The other day a Detroiter who has a
good record of army service took down
his revolver to shoot cat which had
been hanging around the house. After
looking at him while he fred six shots,
the cat walked away. While he was load
ing up forlmore destruction the shooters
small boy inquired "Father, did you
ever kill any one while you were in the
army 2" 81 suppose SO, my son." After
a long pause the boy continued Then
you must have got near enough to hit
'em with an ak, didn't you9" It was
then discovered to be about school time.
Free Press.
GLEANINGs.
Helmbold has been remanded to the
lunatic asylum again. He ought to have
u COmLuICdGlOu Glck0b over bu0 dSJ 1ulu
lne.-DetrOit Free Press.
Elihu Burritt can drive strange dog
out of his yard in thirty three languages.
--DGaa6try Meas.
Jamaica detectives are arresting Amer
leans, supposing that anybody may be
Tweed. Jamaica mistake In doing so.
- Graphic.
When the soup house vagrant is full
what doth he then9 He murmureth
bean-ediction, of course.-St. Louis
Republican.
The Boston Commercial Bulletin in
Inmates that when Patti showed her new
1923, 500 fur cloak to her husband, he
said: g That's the hide-dear.
Alexander Stephens is convalescent.
He is getting stouter, too. He can't
crawl under the bottom crack of a door
without scraping the buttons off his
yest.-NO rristoaU7a Herald.
The double postage business draws to
close. A few more days are left In
which to blast Hannibal Hamlin's eyes,
and every industrious man will put III
his time to the best advantage. -Free
Press.
"What do they always put ID. G. after
Washington for2" asked Mrs. Quilp of
Mr.. @. "Why, my dear, don't you
know Washington was the Daddy of his
Country" said Quilp, with snicker.-
Boston Post.
Cure for Diphtheria.
A correspondent of the Journal
,u,.itoe that hn has 77aed the following