The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-07-07
Wit anu HumOr.

A PUT-UP bodybuilding chimney.
LONG and successful reign-The
deluge.
A VERY narrow aperture-The crack
of whip. $685.
MARX TWAIN says: "It is a blessed
thing to live in land of plenty, if you
havo plenty of land"
THEY'VE got singing doll at the Cen
tennial. She huns "I'm sawdust when
/ sing. "-BOstOn Post.
A FAsTIDIoUs New York paper declares
that it isn't proper for bride to "laugh
right out" during the wedding ceremony.
A POET singeth
In antique times, we are in schoolbooks told,
Whatever Midas touched was turned 10 gold.
In modern mercenary times like these,
Men touched with gold are changed to what you
please
"WHAT would you ike9" said Jones
the other night to Miss Smith, rs he led
her into the refreshment room. "Pop,"
was the blushing response. Jones didn't
seeit.
AN Irish guide told DIR. James john
son, who wished for reason why Echo
was always in the feminine gender, that
"maybe it was because she always had
the last word"
The Danbury News has discovered
that tarring the bed of river will keep
boys from going in. swimming. They
go III once, but the rest of the summer
is used up in scraping the tar off their
heels. om.s
Two LADIES commended for precedence
ut the court of Charles V. They ap-
pealed to the monarch, who, like Solo
mon, awarded, ''Let the elder go first.
Such dispute was never known after
wards.
JOHN THOMAS" Nov, then, be hoff (;
nant Musician" Noise Yah, COS yer
gov'ner's gone to the Dubby, you gives
yeIself hairs, an wants to set hup for
cricket of music" r.eU OF,
LITTLE boys playing ball. Anxious
mamma in distant doorway calling aloud,
"Tommy, Tommy" Gentleman calls
attention of children to woman. Best
boy replies, +" Her amt calm of we !;
us don't belong to she." ,ass
"MAMMA," asked precocious young
ster at the tea-table the other evening,
after long and yearning gaze toward a
plate of doughnuts, mamma, do you
think / could stand another Of those
fried holes2" She thought he could.
1T was simply an informal affair, -
wrote the editor of little strawberry
party at neighbours house. 1t was
simply an Internal affair."" read the COM
positor, and that editor will never gel
any more invitations from that quarter.
"THE adulteration of liquor" said a
punning Judge, who was trying culprit
for mixing sand with his sugar, is a
case of gross wrong, but the adultera-
ton of tea, sugar and such articles of
common necessity is certainly grocer
offense."
THIRTEEN years ago man was driven
out of town for an offense which he did
not commit. News now comes that he
settled in Chicago and studied law, and
is now prominent lawyer there. Thus
we see how an unjust accusation may
blast and ruin a mans whole career
Nor,Oich Bulletin. 500
AN Irish barrister, an invalid, while
painting with asthma, in Dublin, almost
deafened by the noise of brawling
fellow who was selling oysters below his
window, exclaimed: ''The extravagant
rascal has wasted as much breath as
would have served me for MONTH"
A MEDICAL authority says that man
loses per cent. of vitality every time
he is walked suddenly from sleep. This
is what makes druggist lock so pleas
ant when he is rnng up at 2 O'Clock in
the morning by fellow. citizen, who
wants to know if he keeps postage
stamps, and who would like to buy one.
A WIT was dreadfully bored by assupid
fellow who persisted in talking to him
on natural history. There's the oys-
ster," at last SAID the bore "what's
Your notion as to the idea that the oys-
ster is possessed Of reason p &c I think
it may be true" said the wit, " because
the oyster knows enough to shut its
! month /" '