The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1876-09-14
WHO NOT TO MARRY.

men; one young and handsome ana tns
other old and ugly. The various trains
rushed IN and rolled ont, the last pass
enger train for some hours had departed
but still they sat, these two women.
The day faded into night. The lamps
were lighted. The agent went home,
and the many laborers went home.
Minutes dragged slowly By, and hours
seemed to crawl. The silence was I'M
broken in the room. Every few mo-
ments would the young women look up
at the clock Finally the old woman
broke the silence.
s.Goin' away"
eyes. +"
One remark led to another, until they
were chatting quite conidentially. The
old woman said size was going to "Shi-
cagey," and told many things. The
young woman, in turn, became commu-
NEGATIVE, and said her love was coming
in on the midnight train, and that she
was going with him to the next station
to be married.
''Been engaged longl"
''Three years.
'sYour lover in business
Eyes"
"Railroader?'
'sNo."
"Well, I'm glad on it. Never marry
railroader. Is he soldier.
'No"
well, Tn glad on it. Never marry
soldier. Hotel-keeper?"
s.No."
"Well, I'm glad on it. Never marry
a hotel-keeper. Travlin' MANI"
ssNo."
"Well, I'm glad on it. Never marry
travelin' man. Steamboater?''
"No."
stWell, I'm glad on it. Never marry q
steamboater. Dry-goods man?'
mo"
''Well, I'm glad on it. Never marry
a counter jumper. Grocery man?"
"No."
''Well, I'm glad on it. Never marry
peanut vender."
"Who would you marry?" asked the
young woman.
''Well, my child, never marry rail
reader, for he is liable to get killed
most any time. Besides, he has such a
nice chance to firt.
''Never marry a military man, for he
is liable to go to war and get shot Be
sides, his gorgeous clothes attract the at.
tention of the women.
"Never marry a hoteLkeeper. My
first husband was hoteIkeeper, and
fell through the elevator opening and
broke his darned skull. It rifles me
when think of that man.
''Never marry travelling man, for he s
always away from hum. Nobody knows
what these men are up to when they're
away from hum.
s'Never marry a steamboater. My
second husband was a steamboat cap
tain, and got blowed into 1000, coo
pieces, blast him. I always get terribly
mad when think of that man.
''Never marry dry goods man. Dyes
in clothes is so injurious. They never
live half their days.
"Never marry a grocer. They have
such dirty hands. My third husband
was grocer, and such hands as he'd
have, was 'nUf to sicken a body. He
was killed by molasses barrel fallin' on
him. When I think of him I'm COM
pletely disguised.
t'Never mary a carpenter. Ny fourth
husband was carpenter, and fell off q
scaffold and was mashed into a jelley.
May his soul sleep in peace.
''Never marry a machinist. My fifth
husband was machinist. I'll never
forget tie day when he was brought
hum ON board. Ididn't recognize him.
A belt had come off a pulley, and hit
him plum in the face, and spread his
nose all over his countenance. prom
ised him on his dyin' bed that I'd never
marry another machinist"
Just then the train rolled in, and the
old lady asked:
''Child, what business is your lover
in? ''
Insurance business -
go, mercy! You don't mean to marry
him. My sixth husband was an insur-
But the young woman had gone to
meet her lover.