The daily gazette., 1876-01-14
THEBALD-HEADED BABY
BY NJ QUAD,


She had him carefully wrapped up
as she entered the street car, but after
getting seated she removed the shawl
and the bald headed baby was given a
shake, twist, flop, and came right
end up, with his big blue eyes wide
open.
Some of the people on the car mere
ly glanced at little bald head-looked
just long enough to be able to swear,
if called, that it was baby instead of
a goat. Others smiled pityingly as
| hey thought of His bald head bI casting
| the cold blasts of hard winter, and
wondered if woe and poverty and
sorrow had prevented a growth of hair
on his pate.
Presently an old man left his seat
| near the front end of the car, and
bending over the child he asked of the
mother:
My dear woman, do you want to
do me great favor?"
"Why-why, sir she stammered
in confusion.
II have rot long to live, for an
old and feeble" lie continued, "but
before die, l desire to lay my hand
on that bahy's head!'
She made 40 objection, and he
| placed his hand on the shining pate,
moved it this way and that, and asked:
Madam, have you given this child
a cognomen yet:"
| eyes, sir; we've named him,h she
replied.
And, Madam, allow me to hope
| that ii is Il name befitting the intellec-
tual appearance of the child"
1--WE call him Bascomb, she replied
in a whisper.
"Bascom! Capital, You doa't know
what load you have taken from my
heart feared you had, like many
other people, named him after some
big man or woman, or racing horse Or
something. You are sensible, you are,
and if was Il brass band I'd come
around and serenade you this very
evening"
She was very red in the face from
embarrassment, but he saw only the
baby, whose bald head kept trying to
dodge out from under his hand.
''Yes, I'm truly glad," he presently
continued, "that you didn't name him
George Washington. Washington
was deceiver as sure as you're born,
though lots of Americans hate to own
it. Did you ever hear, madam, that
General Washington once stole a cider
mill?"
"N-no," she stammered.
"I ou didn't? Why it wasn't two
weeks before his death that he stole
cider mill from nice old Baptist
minister, and if lie hadn't died when
he did lie would have been Jailed and
made to pay smart money. If
you had named this child after
Washington | could never have met
him without feeling my heart ache
over your lack of judgement"
Little bald head shrank up to his
mother, and she turned and looked
out of the window. The old man,
however, continued.
"And Pm so glad you didn't name
him after Daniel Webster. Mr. Webster
was good public speaker, and he
knew considerable about business, but
he wasn't the man he was cracked up
to be. Why, madam, that same Daniel
Webster was caught with ham on
his shoulder one dark night when he
was the most popularist, and he had to
pay $500 to settle it. He was big
man, and it was all hushed up, while
you and |, madam, would have been
jerked to Jail in wink, because we
are only common folks. 1t makes me
shiver when think of how you might
have named this baby Daniel Webster
and blasted his bald head for life."
She looked up at the bell rope and
around the car, but there was no
escape.
"And you might have named him Pat
rick Henry" softly continued the old
man, as he rubbed the baby's head again.
Named him after Il man who'd hook
fish Off n an orphan boys fish-line. ]
know what I'm talking about. madam.
Patrick Henry had quite good learning,
and he wore good clothes, and you
couldn't get counterfeit bill on him,
but he had his balky tricks after all
Would you believe, madam, that he
would walk seven miles on dark night
to hook seed wheat %
The bald d.headed baby had got tired Of
the thing, and now began to cry. The
old man nudged him in the ribs, and
said
"Bascomb, be good boy When you
grow up, my son. beware of polygamy,
Brighamy, and the many evil influences
to be met with around a corner grocery"
And he raised his eyes to the mother
and added:
well, don't know as | can give You
any hints as to how you had best bring
him up. IT you should ever get sick of
MIN I d take him in minute, for there's
something about his head which has
touched tender spot and made me love
him."
She was yet four blocks from home,
but she pulled the bell
And I'm glad you didn't name him
General Jackson" said the old man as
he patted the bald head for last time.
General jackson whipped the British
at New Orleans, to be sure. but what
about passing a counterfeit ten-cent
piece on General Lafayette If you had
named this baby General jackson I
should have wept-going, eh ? Good
bye, my son, and DOM t never walk on the
railroad track, and don't try to sit down
on picket fence!'
SILK IMPoRTATIoNs.-The report of
the Silk Association of America states
that the imports of raw silk into New