The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-09-29
FACTS AND FANCIES.

TEXAS has nine railroads in process Of
construction.
CAL1FoRNIA has the largest lunatic
asylum in the world.
AFTER all, the real emblem of liberty
is night key, and it ought 10 go on the
flag.
A SEPTEMBER apple, mellow and sweet,
is ahead of any "eye-opener" as morn
ing appetizer.
ALBERT RHODES argues in the Sep
tember Galaxy that the best way of pre-
venting drunkenness is by the introduce
tiOn of a cheap, pure, native wine.
AN Illinois editor has produced
play in which living fish are nightly flop
ped upon the stage by an actual angler.
The audience enjoy the piscatOrial ago
MES quite as much as if they were doing
the angling themselves.
so" said lady recently to an Aber-
deem merchant, "your pretty daughter
J mas married rich husband" Well"
slowly replied the father, II believe she
has married a rich man, but understand
he is very poor husband"
A FLATTERER is said TO be a beast that
biteth smiling But it is hard TO know
them from friends, they are so obsequi-
Gus and full ST prOtestations; for as a
wolf resembles a dog, 80 doth fatterer
friend.-iSir Walter Scott.
The farmer who sent his son TO New
York to become a clerk now writes ask
ing the merchant whether there is any
thing in the boy" Yes" replies the
merchant, "just after he has been to
saloon"
AS the rain falls impartiallyon the just
and the unjust, so the pale moonbeams,
that lend inspiration to the lovers vows,
creep through the cracks in the henhOuse
and shows the midnight naturalist where
the best pullet is rOOsting.
FAREWELL.
NY farest child, have no song to give you,
No lark could pipe 10 skies - dull and prey,
Yet ere we part, one lesson can leave you
For every day.
BE good. sweet maid, and let who will be clever,
TO noble things, not dream thom all day long,
And 50 make life, death aud that vast forever
One grand sweet song.
"WHAT is the chief use of bread ?"
asked an examiner at a recent school ex-
hibition. "The use of bread" an
swered the urchin, apparently aston
ishGd at the simplicity Of the inquiry,
ais to spread butter and jam on it,"
GOOD nature is more agreeable in con-
versation than wit and gives certain
air to the countenance which is more
amiable than beauty. II shows virtue in
its fairest light, takes o! in some measure
from the dcformity of vice, and makes
even folly and impertinence supportable.
.AndiSon.
WE are told that " for man, love is
a story for women, IT Is a history
This is pretty, but facts are stubborn
4 -. 1 4 Nx. al
ton of his twelye-hours- a. day dig for
family bread and butter and her trouble
over the baby's collie.
you KNOW HOW YOURSELF.
An old farmhouse with the Eendow wide,
And sweet with clover on each side
A bright-eyed boy who looked from out
The door with woOdhine wtenthed about,
And wishes his one thought all day:
" Oh ! II could hut fly away
From this dull spot the world To sea,
How happy, happy, happy,
How happy would be
Amid the city's constant dR
A man who round the world has teen
Isthinking thinking all day long,
ooh II could only trace once more
The field path 10 fnrm-hOure door,
TIE old green meadows could sec,
How happy, happy, happy,
How happy would be!'
A WOMAN i'm Covington, KY, sneezed
20 violently the other night that she dis
located her jaw, and when her husband
came sneaking in about one n. m, she
couldn't say a word, but stared at him
IN mute helplessncss. and he grinned and
went To bed, pretending not to under
stand gestures. The next day all the
married men in COvingtOn were buying
,nufT, and the amazed tobacconists
couldn't imagine what had created such
IN unusual demand for the best Scotch
,nuff.
A BAD ENDING.-The New York
,eIIesare adding another accomplishment
9) to their long list-that of opium eating
md smoking. They indulge the habi
or the purpose of giving that particular
brightness to the eye and the Tuddy ap-
,earance to the face probably not aware
nat when the narcotic influence sgone,
he eve is more dull and languid than
ever, and that by and by the face will
ook like piece of par-boiled corned-beef.
NON-CHURCH-GOERs we really
want the non-church-gOers in our
churches? If we want them the desire
will effect a revolution among us. 1t Will
,yerturn our church architecture; it
will put an end to our gothic churches
md painted windows, and our artificial
music, and our stilted preaching, and
,ur social exclusiveness; 1t Will take pew
Ioors off their hinges, and it will drive
,ut the notion that carpets are worth
more than sOuls.-S. II. Tying, Jr.
As the crew of Footdee fishing boat
we're hauling in their nets on board at
he fishing ground, about thirty miles
IF Aberdeen, in Scotland, the other day,
very large sized whale-a "finner"-
made rush at a heavily stocked net,
md swallowed part of it, along with an
immense quantity of herrings which were
ticking in the meshes. The somewhat
ndigestible mouthful seemed to make
he whale rather uncomfortable, the
monster looking as if it was about to
hoke but the fishermen in the boat
managed to tear off bit Of the net, and
he whale soon disappeared with the rest.