, 1876-05-24

or opened In America. Then the passion
arose for autographs of George Washing
ton, Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry,
John Hancock, or any one prominent or
otherwise in the Revolution. Then came
the mania for old chairs that Washington
sat upon. There are at least ten thousand
Of these ia existence, so that up to a few
weeks back there was no difficulty in
meeting the patriotic demand. Then
came the omniyorous craving for anything
a century old that was 10 any way attach
ed to the Father of his Countrywide pots,
old crooks, old hats, old boots. Anything
that was musty enough to look a century
old was fastened on by the patriots as
relies Of Washington.
All this patriotic fervour has led to
lamentablo results. People who have
always had the reputation of being truth
full and honorable citizens have fallen into
habits of lying shameful to contemplate.
Such a one finds in the attic an old dust
covered cooked hat that had been used
years ago il amateur theatricals. He
says to himself, Washington may have
worn such o hat" Then he tells his
friends that Washington actually did
wear it. The hat is put under a glass
case, and Brown and Jones and Robinson
become the dupcs Of Smith ; but Smith
reproaches himself inwardly that be is a
liar in this centenary of American indie
pendence. The Centennial deceit does
not end here. Jones, Brown, and Robin
son heap up heeatombs of falsehood about
their ancestors who " shivered with Wash
ington at Valley Forge, by Joye !" or
i" cheered for the great Jehovah and the
Continental Congress with Ethan Allen
at Tieonderoga, by thunder !" or, at least,
Z" held Latayette's horse when he was
going to see the surrender of CORVALLIS"
If this were the limit Of the deception it
would not be SO dreadful, but Jones,
Brown, Robinson and Smith have called
forth a Nemesis of mercenary counterfeit
crs who prey upon them and a Centennial
mad society. The counter1eiting Of the
newspapers OF a century ago has taken
alarming proportions. The reproductions
are so like The originals that it would be
difficult to say which is which-same old
type, same paper, same yellow age-tint,
same torn edges, same dogs ears. The
Washington Old Chair Mandatory keeps
six reliable workmen employed painting
&c. W 1776," on the seats six steady
old women are engaged collecting cob
webs to be laid upon the choicer specimens,
and a dozen silent but sturdy fellows toll
night and day kicking the otherW Use com
pleted spurious old chairs round a musty
cellar to give them appropriate miIdeW,
dints and cracks. The Centennial Auto
graph Works is also very busy turning out
faded letters from all the Revolutionary pa
trjots. In a secluded part Of the State,
where the revival has not reached, twenty
five aged spjnsters-the remains OF a
sewing bee of godlier times and q young
pastor-are stitching upon spurious qui1-
ted petticoats of Martha Washington,
u|nmindful of the wrath to come. We
would, therefore, caution the people
against the dangers besetting their souls
and would advise them, whatever tremend
Gus yarns they spin about their RevoIu-
tionary forefathers or their relics, not to
believe the stories that others tell in the
same direction, and to smile respectfully,
but irritatingly, at their Revolutionary
dric-G- Jrac not to invest even paper money
IN old papers, old chairs, old letters, old hats
or Martha Washington petticoats, or if they
have already bought them to stow them
ANONYMOUSLY away until another century
Of the ReDublic has oiVpn them that much