The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-08-04
Wit ana HumOr.

A POOR place for hungry pig-The
trough of the sea.
The tree that bears the most fiuit for
market is the axle-tree.
WHEN is a scheme like third of
yardl When it's a-foot.
PAwNBRoKERs generally prefer GUS
toners without redeeming qualities.
A DEALER in water coolers, etc., adver-
tises "Iceware. Well, this weather is
enough to make any man swear.
II was printer who perpetrated this
double barreled, breech-loading pun
conundrum: Why is an old mans farm
in Texas like the focus of a sun-glass2
Because it's the place where the sons
raise meat
"I'D like you to help me little"
said tramp, poking his head into
country store. "Why don't you help
yourself" said the proprietor angrily.
"Thank you, will, - said the tramp, as
he picked up bottle of whisky and two
loaves of bread and disappeared.
An Irishman went to the theater for
the first time. Just as the curtain de-
scended on the first act, an engine in the
basement exploded, and he was blown
through the roof, coming down in the
next street. After coming to his senses,
he asked, cam what piece do yez play
nixt?"
''I'M going to die !" says the Wilder Bean,
Sim going to quit this airthly scene;
1t amt no place for Inc 20 stay
In such a world as tits to-day.
Such works and ways is too much for me;
Nobody can let nobody be.
The girls is HOunced from top to toe,
An that's the hull o. what they know.
The men is mad on bonds an stocks.
Swearin' an ehootin' an pickin locks,
I'm real afraid I'll be hanged myself,
Eff l amt laid on my final shelf"
HIS teeth began to chatter over the
ice cream. He buttoned up his jacket
and swallowed another mouthful That
settled it. He jumped up from the
table and started to where the sun could
shine on him, exclaiming, "Whoopee!
Plenty cold grub No cooke huff
Fleece Chinaman all same like ice
wagon"
The Paris Figaro is responsible for
this: cit was bereaved miser, who,
after composing long epitaph for his
wife, suppressed it altogether, and said:
It's too expensive; put on the grave
stone few tears very well, replied
the artist; say three tears, like this-l!p
Heavens, no! Three tears when l have
only two eyes9 Absurd Two will be
plenty"
A BRIGHT little woman was expatiating
on the merits of her patent corsets to
Jury No. of the Centennial EXPOSE
ton. Madame" exclaimed Dietz-
mannae, smart French juryman,
"what is the especial merit you claim
for this corset2" "The fit, Monsieur |"
"But we cannot tell how it fits. What
proof have we of that 2" The little
woman fared right up. "Why," she
retorted, "you don't mean to say you
want me to try them on?" Madame
said the juryman, without smile,
"JIstice is blind"
The other day thunderstorm passed
around the city to the north, no rain
falling, although Lightning could be
seen and thunder heard. A slim waist
ed man, sachel in one hand and pair
of boots in the other, had been strolling
around for half an hour, and he seemed
greatly perplexed over the wet streets.
He looked from street to sky and back,
grumbled to himself, and at the corner
of Woodward avenue and Congress
street came across d street-sprinkler.
He caught the idea in an instant, and
gesturing at the driver called out {:
:" You might as well put that old squirter
up, for L know your trick. If you think
you can make me believe there's been a
shower here you're throwing stones at
the wrong dog !'-DetroH Free Press.