Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-01-28
HUMOR.


ssTHE NEW Boy" -He made his appear
ance at one of the Union schools the other
morning, and arriving ahead of time, pre-
vented any feeling of loneliness from seiz-
ing him by licking three boys and riding
the gate off it's hinges. He went in with
the crowd, when the bell rang, and, find
ing no empty seat, he perched himself on
the wood-box. When the children repeat
ed the s'Lord's prayer in concert, the new
boy except time'' with his heel, and when
they came to sing, he argued that variety
was the spice of song, and attempted to
sing one of his own-one about a gentle
man named Daniel Tucker, who dreamed
he was dead, and so forth.
The teacher warned him to keep still,
and he allowed that he would not come to
that school if his musical qualifca lions
were to be overlooked. When school fl
nally opened, the teacher secured his
name, and began asking him questions, i'll
order to find out how he should be graded.
s'Can you spell?" she asked.
sWhat kind of spell?' he cautiously re-
piled. a-5.
''opell house, if you please .3H
Crane or brick house?"
s'Any kind Of a house."
with a mortgage on it?''
"You may spell man if you will" she
said, giving him severe look.
ssMan?"
"Yes.n '5.l7f4 ar
"Idon't care much about spelling ''man"
this morning, hut I will this afternoon
I've spelled with my eyes shut"
''Do you know your alphabet" she ask
: ed, changing the subject.
s'Never had any," was the prompt reply.
"Do you know anything about reading?"
81 read like lightning" r
She handed him a reader, and said
s'Let me hear you read"
s'Read out aloud?"
ssYes.' --5
ct am afraid it would disturb the chill
dren!" he whispered.
$50 on, and let me hear you read"
He looked carefully at the page. scowled
his brow, and read:
eff was lame boy, and didn'd get any
peanuts in my stockings Christmas DUN
my eyes! but I'd make things jump around
that house next morning!'' as
He handed the book back, and the teach
er asked:
Richard, how many are three and
three?''
ssThree and three WHAT" he enquired
"Anything."
''It's good deal according to what 1t is"
he replied, as he settled back. II kn"s
that three and three cats can't make Il
dog!'
"Did you ever study geography, Rie
ard?'
eyes man,
"What is geography"
s'It's book" ...a
us the world round or flat?"
Hills and hollers!" he replied.
ssRichard, can you write?''
''Write what?'' ri
''Write letter."
eyes, I could if had money to pay the
postage"
'sWelI, Richard" she said, in despair,
''you will have to go into the lower room
if you want to go to school here"
"I'd ruther stay here"
''But you can't"
ssI'll bet you this knife against ter cents
I CAM Fr
She took him by the arm to remove him,
but he laid his head on her shoulder, and
said in warning voice:
'sDon't get me mad, now, or I'll let my
self loose.'
She called the principal down, and as he
approached the boy, he commanded:
ssBoy, what are you doing here?'
ssGitting educashun!'' replied Richard.
"You 90 right down stairs now!r con-
tinued the principal.
ssWell, don't sass me, for I never was
here before!" replied Richard, slowly NOV
ing his legs as if he meant to get down.
The principal took him by the collar and
jerked him around, got kicked on the shin
and bitten on the wrist, and finally landed
the young student on the walk.
"Now you go home!'' he shouted as he
tried to recover his breath.
.sAm I educated?" inquired Richard.
ssYou seem to be.'
"Gimme diploma, then.'
ssYou clear out, or I'll have you az
rested"
"Haint [ a scholar in this school no
more?"
"No, sir.''
"Who owns this school house?' de-
manded the boy.
"No matter-you clear out"
evil you come out in the yard here
where you can't hang to anything?" asked
the boy.
ssBegone. I say"
''Don't draw no derringer on me ~
warned the boy, as he backed off, "nor
don't think you can scare me with any Of
your bowie knives.''
The principal walked in and shut the
door, and after the new boy had stood
there long enough to show that he wasn't
afraid, he turned and walked off, growing
to himself:
aIll git the foreman of No. 6 to pound
that Teller afor he's week older ply
Quad.