The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1876-06-09
EMPoRIA NEWS.
FRIDAY. JUNE Q, ls7e.
GAeanAnEs.
Men of atamn-Postmastera.

Men of stamp-POstmaster
on In the Silly night,
When slumber's chain hath bound me
The neighbor's cats began to fight,
And raise Cain all around me.
Look out for a corner in the shin
gle market. Columbia's just turned
2l9 Young lawyers loose upon the
community.
The Fall River (Mass.) city gov
eminent has voted $4,000 to furn-
ish employment to its destitute.
Henry G. Bowen says that G
Beecherite lie worse than the devil.
Rebuke the devil and he will fly
: from you, but rebuke q Beecherite
and he flies at you.
.. The SpiFituAlists say that Piper
was Possessed by q bad negro spir-
IL. That's rough on Piper. But the
spirits must be hung, and PIper's
neck had TO be used for the opera
tIon. ry-r vrr-rs-
A woman is imbued with q feel
ing fjoy and Kindness second only
to that OF the angels, but she can
meyer wash q pair OF mems cassi-
mere pants aud have them set as
they did before.
You smile when you see q child
trying to grasp its own shadow !;
bnt You have been grasping shad-
ows all your life, and will continue
tofeach out and grasp as long as
breath and eyesight last.
3 Il has been left to Nevada China.
men TO find q way of utilizing cans.
He ILLS them with earth, aud, pill
Ing one on top Of the another, soon
has q well capable of carrying the
roof OF bis low-Btudded hut.
Cincinnati, according to the local
papers, 10 to have q big new hotel,
which Is. to be erected by Mr.. EN-
DRY, of that city, at an expense of
100000. It will be four stories,
brick and iron, and on the Ameri-
can plan.
A'Kemper's Bluff (Tcxas) young
man named Thomas, acquired the
habit Of tossing a cooked and load
ed pistol in the air, and catching it
- ttfeli. The last time he caught
II was Immediately before he died.
81 The. CentenAiaI odOrless frying
pan IL out. If it will fry fish and
onions so that your neighbors in the
next block will not know what you
are going to have for supper, its in
ventor will not have lived in vain.
"Henry," she said, "you do not
know what soothing influence you
have on me-" "My darling, he whis-
-pered, softly, while q glad light
came into his eyes, "can it be SO p"
Yes" she said, "when you are
around always feel like going to
sleep"
"A bright young lady gave her
slow lover delicate leap year hint
the other evening. Ia the course of
conversation The gentleman asked |
her what form OF marriage she |
thought the most beautiful. Her
quick reply was, al should care lit
ale for form. The substance seems |
OF more importance" That girl
wears an engagement ring now.
DR.. Newman spoke in q recent
sermon of "the sad funeral process
sion" which followed Abel to the
grave. An irreverent woman in
the audience nudged her compan-
Ion and whispered: 'Not such a
large procession, but very select,
none but the first families"
A Centennial Incident: can
how far might a square be?" said
q patriot stranger visitor 10 pat
riot driver on a Market street car.
Sure, and Ii ye Was PniladeI-
phiau Ike meself, We would know il
was to the next corner" "An' is
{, thin," said the patriot stranger,
'fwhat we New Yaarkerrs ca Ii a |
block? 2" can it is"
His honor had appointed Two
Tanng lawyers to defend an old and ,
.xPerieSced horse thief in Texas.
After inspecting his counsel for
'ome time in silence, the prisoner
'ose and addressed the bench
Are them to defend me?" Eyes
ir," said his honor. "Both of 'em ?"
nquired the prisoner. "Both of F..
hem, responded the judge. ''Then
plead guilty." and the poor devil
aok his seat and sighed.