The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-02-11
Wit and HuinOr.

O'%-cNN
OFFERING of the season-Twenty cents
on dollar.
WEATHER Y's-Those used at the end
of rainy and sunny.
liz you would render your children
helpless all their lives, never permit
them to help themselves.
"TALKING to her husband in a loud
tone of voice" is enough to send a
Persian wife to Jail for thirty days.
A CALIFORNIA jury, in suicide case,
lately found the following verdict "We,
the jury, find that the deceased was
fool"
'ANN," observed a Danbury house
keeper to the hired girl, the other morn
ing, "as we have entered upon the dawn
of another century of our nations his
tory, L guess you had better get tooth
brush of your own"
THE MYSTERIOUS PEDESTRIAN.
What means that hurried step?
That rapid moving on?
That haltess, nervous haste?
What has this person done?
What seeks he 10 escape
This swift, this anxious sinner?
Why, yes 1 might have known
A WAC one day asked his friend,
How many tnaves do you sup
pose there are in the street besides YOUR
self Z" " Besides MYSELF" replied the
other in heat. Do you mean to insult
mel We'll, then, said the fiist, chow
many do you reckon including your
SELF"
MADAM, do you know that you pos
sess one of the best voices in the world ?"
said saucy fellow 20 a Division street
woman one day this week. "Indeed.
do you think 500" replied she, with
flush of pride at the compliment. CT
do most certainly" continued the ras.
cal, "for if you hadn't, it would have
been worn out long ago 70 For the first
time in that woman's life she hadn't a
word to say
An old bachelor in Maine has been
deferred from committing matrimony, in
a novel way. Thinking over the subject
seriously, and particularly the expense
of maintaining a family, he set the table
In his lonely abode with plates for him
self and an imaginary wife and five
children. He then sat down TO dine.
and as often as he helped himself to food
he put the same quantity on each of the
other plates and surveyed the prospect,
at the same time computing the cost.
The result OF his examination was so
dlscouraglng that he resolved not to
marry.
HE other day q Detroiter who has
good record of army service took down
his revolver to shoot a cat which had
been hanging around the house. After
looking at him while he fired six shots.
the cat walked away. While he was load
ing up for more destruction the shooters
small boy inquired Father, did YOU
ever kill any one while you were in the
army 2" suppose so, my son." After
a long pause the boy continued "Then
you must have got near enough to hit
EN- with an AK, didn't your" Il was
then discovered to be about school time.
free Press.
GLEANINGs.
Helmbold has been remanded to the
lunatic asylum again. He ought to have
q communication ticket over the asylum
line.-DetrOH Free Press.
Elihu BurIitt can drive a strange dog
out OF his yard in thirty three languages.
-D0n6ury Ne,os.
Odutlca ueIecllVeS are arreStlng Amer
leans, supposing that anybody may he
Tweed. Jamaica mistake in doing so.
When the soup house vagrant is full
what doth he then2 He murmureth a
bean-ediction, of course.-S. Louis
The Boston Commercial Bulletin in
inmates that when Patti showed her new
s23, 500 fur cloak to her husband, he
said: "That's the hide-dear.'
Alexander Stephens is convalescent.
He is getting stouter, too. He can't
,rawl under the bottom crack of n door
without scraping the buttons off his
Herald.
The double postage business draws to
close. few more days are left in
which to blast Hannibal Hamlin's eyes,
nd every industrious man will put in
us time to the best advantage. Free
o5ess
what do they always put D. c. after
forl" asked Mrs. Quilp of
Ir. q "Why, my dear, don't you
now Washington was the Daddy of his
,ountryl" said Quilp, with snicker.-
session Post.
Cure for DIphtheria.