The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-05-12
A Horror of the SpPing-tide.

The annual ceremony of taking up, whip
ping and putting down carpets is upon us
1t is one of the ills which flesh is heir to and
cannot be avoided You go home somd
pleasant spring day at peace with the world
and find the baby with a clean face, and gel
your favorite pudding for dinner TherJ
your wife tells you how much younger you
are looking, and says she really hopes sne
can turn that walking dress she wore lasl
fall and save the expense of a new suit, and
then she asks you if you can't just help her
take up the carpet Then she gets saucer
for the tacks, and stands and holds 1t, and
you get the claw and get down on your
knees and begin to help her. Iou feel qultei
economical about the first three tacks, and
take them out carefully and put them in the
saucer your wife in the meantime beguilingI
you with an interesting story about your
neighbor's little boy. When you come toI
the tack with crooked head. and you get
the claw under it, and the head aud leather
comes off, as it won't DO to leave the tack
in the floor, because it will tear the carpet
when it is again put down. you go to work
and skin your knuckle, and then you tell
your wife to stop talking about the neigh
boris boy, aud make up your mind that it
does not make any difference about that
tack. So you begin on the corner where the
carpet is doubled two or three times, and
has been nailed down with a single nail.
You don't care to save the nail, because you
find that it is not a good time for the prac-
tice Of economy but you do feel little hurt
when both claws break off from the claw,
and the nail does not move. Then your
manhood asserts itself, and you arise in your
might and throw the carpet claw at the dog.
You then get hold Of the carpet with both
hands, the air is full of dust and flying tacks,
there is fringe of carpet yarn all along by
the mopboard, the baby cries, and then your
wife says you ought to be ashamed of your
self; but that carpet comes up. Then you
lift one side of the stove and your wife tries
to get the carpet from under it, but cannot,
because you are standing on it, So you try
a new hold, and just after your back breaks
the carpet is clear. You are not through
yet. Your wife don't tell any more little
| stories, but intmates that the carpet needs
whipping. When you hang the tormenting
thing on the line the wrong way and have it
slide off into the mud and get half a pint of
dust and three broken tacks into your mouth
you make an observation which you failed
to mention while in the house. Then you
hunt stick and 60 for that carpet The
| first blow hides the sun behind a cloud of
dust, and right in the center of that cloud,
you WELD that cudgel until both hands are
bistered. You can whip the carpet longer
or shorter period according to the size Of
your mad, as it don't make any difference to
the carpet, for il is just as dusty and fuzzy
after you have whipped it two hours as it
was when you commenced Then you bun
die it up and stumble into the house and
have more trouble with the stove, and fail
to find any way of using the carpet stretcher
while you stand on the carpet, and fail to
find any place to stand off the carpet, and
you get on your knees again, while your wife
holds the saucer and, with blind confidence,
hands you broken tacks--crooked tacks-
tacks with no leathers-tacks with the lar
gest ends at the points. Finally the carpet is
down, your wife smiles sweetly, and says she
is glad the job is off her mind.