Middletown transcript., 1876-03-04
Aunlorolls.

<Au oiu TAU ucoituS W
"grest feat" wondered why they did'n
interfere With his fast walking.
| The song Of the repentant husband
after knocking his wife down: '.Com
to my bosom, my own stricken dear.
"Capital weather, Mr.. Jones, capita
weather. My wife's got such cold tha
she can't speak. l like such weather.
"Lupatic fringe" is the name givel
in New York to the fashion Of cropping
the hair and letting the ends hang dowl
over the forehead.
A young man stepped into book
shop, and said be wanted IA Young
Mans Companion" ''Well. SIR" sale
the bookseller, 'here is my only daugh
ter"
A pert little girl boasted to one o
her little friends that her father kept l
carriage. "Ah. but my father drives
an omnibus" was the triumphant reply
An anti.hymenial punster says thai
the recriminations Of married people
resemble the sounds Of the waves or
the seashore, being the murmurs Of the
tied.
At New Orleans negro ball, 10 lieu
of mot transferable" ON the tickets.-s u
notice was posted over the door: mo
gentleman admitted unless Ae comes
himself"
.What is conscience p asked a
schoolmaster Of bis class. IAN inward
monitor" replied bright little fellow
.'And what's a monitor p lone of
the ironclads
The idea of the devil was originated
by the Persians, who made him to typify
hunger. That is what makes men say.
Il am as hungry as the devil; let's
have half dozen raw"
"My son." said a man of doubtful
morals, putting bis hand on the head
of a young urchin, Il believe Satan
has got hold Of you" Il believe 50
too" the urchin replied.
A credulous man said to a wag, who
had wooden leg. How came you to
have a wooden leg 2" Why" replied
the wag. "my father had one, so had
my grandfather. 1t runs in the blood" ;"
An undertaken thus gratefully re-
spends to friend who had dune him a
favor: IF you ever want coffin, call
on me. /. shall be most happy to bury
you and your family at the lowest cash
price
A subscriber to Southwestern news
paper died recently, leaving four years
unpaid The editor ap-
peared at the grave and deposited in
The cefia palm fan, linen coat, and
thermometer. 4
A man with large family was COM
planning OF the difficulty Of supporting
III of them. But" said friend, "you
have sons big enough to earn something
or you" "The difficulty il. said the
nan, "they are too big to work"
my son." said stern parent to
'even- year old hopeful, 81 must dis
,ipline you. Your teacher says you
ire the worst boy in The school"
We'll. papa" was the reply. "only
yesterday she said l was just like my
ather." %EF
h'Do you ever observe how very de-
,otional Deacon Buffam is 7" asked
New York lady of her husband. Yes,
ny-dear. the deacon is very devotional
Ie always keeps his head bowed in
,rayer until the contribution box has
,assedu
A very pretty Sunday schoolso is
he one entitled, Put your armour on
ny boys" There is. howe yer, young
ady in town who doesn't like to hear
t.: She says it sounds like Put yonr
rm around me. boys" and it always
makes her feel lonesome.
! A negro being asked what be was in
all for. said it was for borrowing money
But" said the questioner. ''tbey don't
'ut people ujail for borrowing money"
Yes. said the darkey. ''bat | had TO
mock the man down free or 70 times
efo' he would lend it to me"
A Vermont. newspaper says that q
nan in Proctorsville caught pickerel.
be other day, weighing two and half
ounds. inside Of which was another
,ickerel. which measured nine inches
0 length, and inside Of this was still
mother, which measured five inches in
sngfh.
e..Uuless you give me aid" said
'eggar to a benevolent lady. Il am
fraid I shall, have to resort to some
hing which I greatly dislike to do?"
he lady handed him a dollar. and
asked. What is it.
ny poor man that I have saved you
rom ?" Work" was the mournful
nswer.
The death of ex- Governor Weller.
{ California, revives this anecdote Of
i'm: Weller was once unfortunate |
nough to be caught in shipwreck. |
arriving at San Francisco. he was
sked by a sympathizing friend if he
ad lost much "Lost everything, SIR"
aid Weller. "everything but my rep
tation." "Governor," said the friend.
'you travel with less baggage than any
ne ever saw.
"Sir." said a fierce lawyer. "do you.
n your solemn oath. swear that this is
ot your handwriting ?" Il reckon
ot." was the cool reply. "Does it re-
emble your writing 2" "Yes. sir. I
hink it don't" do you swear that it
ont resemble your writing "Well.
do. old heat.'' 'You take your
plemn oath that this writing does not
psemble yours in a single letter."
Y-e-es sir !" Nov. how do you
now ?" Cause can't write"
JOHN G SAxE's LATEST When the
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