Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-05-25
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

Sins OF commission-selling bad but
ter and cheese on q margin.
The most familiar sign in New York
| just now is "To Rent" So, at least, SAYS
| the Tribune of that city.
The Sheriff Of parquimans County,
N. c., weighs 40 pounds. When pris.
oner is refractory he sits down on him.
Some of the superfuous boys of the
| land continue to kill themselves Off by de-
youring ild-parsnip, thinking it good to
| eat
"A Western iourralist says that the
girl of the period prides herself on "being
no larger round than CANDLE" What
he means Is that she wants " taper
waist.-Roetestes' Erprss
"A Chicago wife asked for a divorce
because her husband was habituaEly
drunk. He admitted being habitually
drunk, and pleaded that rs am excuse for
not bringing the suit himself.
Two school girls out in Council
Bluffs went before Justice'of the Peace
in the exuberance of their innocent affec-
ton, and hesought him that he would
unite them In the holy bonds Of matri-
mony.
An exchange says: "Some of our
boaunen ara training green mules for the
towpath." We suspect that, on account
of the backwartiness Of spring, mules will
be month"; later than usual ina, getting
ripe. --Norristotoa Herald
Mrs. Harriet Gray, of Marquette, has
invented a'laber-ssving tea-ket.le. II gets
up in the morning, splits the wood, builds
the fire, puts itself on, makes the coffee,
and then calls the folks to breakfast
50. Louis Globs-Dtmocrat.
A North Carolina witness testified
that man does not get so drunk that he
does not know what he is doing. As evil
dence on this point, he said if drunken
man is bothering you and you give him
good licking, he will never bother you
again.
--"Oh Zis ees re kindt peoples-ze pro-
Piles 20 goot," was the exclamation of his
Brazilian majesty as the first American
he encountered after landing thoughtfully
pressed upon him u handful descriptive
of the magic properties of Il certain salye
for COrns.
Scene in horse. ear-seats all oCc--
pied: Lady enters. Elderly gentle.
man rises. Lady: Don't rise,
beg OF you. | much prefer you should
keep your seat, sir" "Sh0uld be very
happy TO accommodate you, madam, but
| want TO get out here"
Who ever heard of school of fish
breaking into field and eating up the
crop And yet o California newspaper
says that large quantities of wheat in that
State have been destroyed by fish during
the past winter, owing u the submersion
of the fields by high water, and the fish
feeding on the tender grain roots.
"A Chicago boy who Is addicted to go
ing TO the theater To see the heavy drama
called his father TO supper the other day
by bawling out, "What, no, there, base
cravenl Come hither 10 thy vesperian
hash!" Ana when that father and son
came together IL sounded rs II the belt
bad slipped oil twenty-foot fly wheel -
BGltim0rs american.
The Norwich (Conn.) Bul,ctin says:
"The browning of tho May Queen passed
off very pleasantly In killingly We do
not remember, just now, any record OF
| Queen mounting her throne dressed in
| water proof and n pair of rubbers, with
slice Of pork done up in red flannel around
her throat; but these old historical cos
tunes always strike one strangely at first
Obadiah Hopkins, who committed
suicide mt lIackensack, n j., recently,
was very rich and apparently had every
thing about him TO make life desirable.
He amused his great fortune In the
manufacture Of Hopkins pies" once
famous in New York. The Hartford
C0urant says: 1t seems only too evident
that pie gave him dyspepsia, and dys-
pepsia gave him melancholy, and melan-
choly gave him suicide. The moral for
pie eaters and pie-makers, too, should not
be lost"
The old gentleman rushed across the
street, raised his hat and offered to assist
her in any possible way. His wife fol-
lowed him across at a slow pace, and wit
Messing his devotion to the stranger, she
got mad and shook her fist at him. IT'S
| all right-~it's all right" he whispered.
Yes, know it is" she hotly exclaimed.
/" Here an unknown woman stubs her toe,
| and YOU pillow across the street to eat her
| up with Kindness. The other day when l
| fell down stairs you stood ut the bottom
and laughed and chuckled and tickled
| your ribs, and wanted 10 know II | was
| practicing for n circus. Boston btohc.
Another intere sting technically has
made its appearance in the New YORK
courts. At Buffalo recently, in murder
case called for trial In the supreme Court,
| the defendants counsel moved 10 quash
| the entire panel of Jurors on the ground
that it was not properly impaneled, the
law requiring the jury to be drawn " from
| the body Of the county" and there being
| one town in the county not represented In
the box from which the jury was drawn.
The court granted the motion; and tho
| lawyers are beginning to inquire how
many Of the cases which have been tried
| during the past few mouths will have to
be tried over again.
"A lady OF this place was quietly sit
! ting at her sewing one day last week,
when she observed neighbor approach
| ing the house whom she did not care TO
see. She quickly dropped her work and
stepped into "a closet, so MS not To be ~
nome" TO her caller. Tie closet door
closed with a spring and imprisoned the
lady. The caller, fnding the lady absent,
did not stop, but when the lady tried to
open the door she discovered, alas, that
she was prisoner. The lady realized
that she was consuming the air very fast,
vet she was powerless 10 release herself
rom her prison. She remained in the
closet about four hours, and when her hus-
band returned home at supper time he
missed his wife, but thought nothing
about il. Having occasion to lock inc
the closet, he discovered his wife lyinl