Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-10-27
FLU N =

AS colored resident of Detroit was
breasting the storm yesterday with new
umbrella over his head, he was halted by d
friend and brother, who asked:
'sIs dat your umbreller %
ayes, sah-cost me two dollars" was
the prompt reply.
'sMr. Savage" said the other, very
solemnly, s'when man will buy a two
dollar umbrella to keep de wet off'n fifty
cent suit of close, what's de use to talk
about economy.''
A certain parson. who is school teacher.
handed problem to his class in mathe
MATES the other day. The first boy took
it, looked at it awhile, and said, II pass.
Second boy took it and said, Il turn it
down." The third boy stared at it awhile
and drawled out, II can't make" Every
good, boys,' said the parson. 'we will cut
for a new deal. And the switch danced
like lightning over the shoulders of those
depraved mathematicians.
A Jersey man married five widows, and
they were all red-headed. The same man
was once thrown one hundred and fifty feet
by an express train, when he picked him
up, looked around for his hat, and remark
ed: swell, if [ don't find that hat I'll
make the company pay for it"
'sYou cannot keep me down. shouted
somewhat windy orator at public meet
ing in New Bedford ''though 1 may be
pressed below the waves, rise again you
will find that | come to the surface, gen.
tlemen." eyes said an old greaser in
the audience, ''you come to the surface to
blow"
Two neighbors had long and enve
nomed litigation about small spring,
which they both claimed. The judge,
wearied out with the case, at last said:
ssWhat is the use Of making so much fuss
about little water?" ''Your Honor will
see the use of it, replied one OF the law
yers, swhen 1 inform you that the parties
are both milkmeD."
An Irishman's friend having fallen into
q slough, the Irishman called loudly to an
other for assistance. The latter, who was
busily engaged in cutting a log, and wish
ed to procrastinate. inquired, "How deep
is the gentleman in % ''Up to his ankles"
ssThen there is plenty of time" said tie
other. "No, there is not" rejoined the
first; Il forgot to tell you he's in head
first. ;"
A distinguished politician of this city
while conversing with a lady, the other
evening, became piqued by her attention
to .eautiful Spitz dog that was resting
its head confidingly in her lap, and impa-
tiently asked: ''Why is it that lady OF
YOUR intelligence can be SO fond Of dog?'
e:Because he never talks politics. was the
prompt reply.
An organist played in another church
than his own recently, and was compll-
mented by the organ blower on the pro-
ticiency OF his voluntary. ''By the Way,
added the man who manipulated the wind
anuaratus. .I've blowed that voluntary
befOre.''
The negro does not easily grasp the sub
tleties of political economy, and when
distinguished speaker talks to him about
ssthe demonstration of silver" OF 1.-THE
equation of trade forces" it is mistake
to suppose, because his jaws part from ear
to ear. that he listens with his mouth.
The spirits materialized George Wash
5rpton at a seance in Indiana the other
day, and when one of tha special ors asked
him whether he vas really Line great
hatcheter. our first President replied,
ssUot ish der kind of Hans lch am
There has been fall recently in hippo
potamuses, and very fair reliable hippo
D Janus can now be bought for 5000
There are indications OF a rise, however,
and people of small means should lay Ill
gheir supply at once.
A Virginia editor, whose paper has just
suspended, says that he entered the tleld
of journalism under the impression tisae
ghere were 'millions in it" 'And so there |
are,'' he continues, ''but they remain in
at YETI
Brother, why don't you ask the stranger
to pray 20 "Because.' repfoyingly OBJ
served deacon, 'sthis amt no place for |
practical jokes. That mans che president |
of IL gas company"
.sThere I" said Jones, as he wrathfully |
pushed away the pie which his landlady
had just served him; This stuff isn'G fit !
for a pig to eat, and amt going to cat
it"
The season is at hand when the pensive |
house-fy hangs gloomily TO the early
morning walls, and wishes to gracious that
some one would get up and build d dr..
why do the butterflies watt their
w7ags pa Diverse poens by "Esmeral-
da,'' is respectfully declined with the in
formation that they have to do it OF walk.
s:GiIes, can you conjugate behaves ="
4 Behaves -behooves- hive s-be--."
A'See, here ! You 60 and stand in the
cor .er."
What she said at the front door, as he
an OSCILLATION. was briefly this:
sNo Jack, tastes differ!"
A Young man has sued his barber for
cutting off his moustache. The barber says
he didn't see it.
We should like to know how that man in
Minneapolis broke his leg putting on his