The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-03-11
VARIETY.

The most glowing passage in a minister's ser
mon will attract scarcely One-half the attention
that centres upon the man in the congregation
who blows his nose.
Norwich man has invented a calendar good
for 100 years. You buy it on trial, and if you
don't like it at the end of that time he takes it
back and refunds the money.
- How much to take me to the Cathedral?''
asked tourist just arrived in Dublin of hack
man. 50 Well,' said Pat, '' the meanest man 1
ever took gave me three shillings."
The Nevada Transcript says If Absalom had
had little hair the back of his head, as some
of the best looking men in this place, he would
have been alive to-day.
A Sacramento man gained four and a half
pounds, weight in one week by eating oatmeal.
But he is wearing out his Ulster oVercoat scratch
ing his back against the door.
An article is going the rounds of the Press
headed, 'f A Girl with Webster's Head" We
shouldn't think Webster's head would be worth
much to girl now-unless it's on live young
man named Webster.
The owner of pair of bright eyes assures
that the prettiest compliment she ever received
came from child of four years. The little fellow,
after looking intently at her for a moment, in
quired naively: " Are your eyes new ones?"
Prof. Proctor having asserted that the moon
moved to suggest that I" Perhaps it was the smell
OF the decomposition which lead people to infer
that it was made of cheese" And it mite be SO.
A Cinnamon up country, whose life was insur-
ed for a large amount, seriously hurt some
time ago by falling from wagon. There was
some doubt of his ever getting better, and at
length one of his friends wrote to the insurance
company Charlie hall dead, hkee hall money
What is Brooklyn doing for the cause of
l. In,.E 70, cao1
to sub-let this conundrum to somebody who
would have nothing else to do for the next twelve
months but give his whole mind to it.-Brooklyn
Argus.
London doctor has discovered that you may
cure the toothache by dissolving half dram of
bicarbonate of soda in ounce of water and
holding the solution in your mouth LII this really
is a certain remedy for the most terrible of all
subIimated agonies, the doctor who gives it to the
world deserves to have his name written in letters
of gold upon every jaw in the land to which it
may bring relief.
The ORIGIN OF THE PIN-BACK DRESs.-AIrs.
O'Flannigan was an Irish lady, with limited
means and good constitution. She, therefore,
like sensible woman, used the latter to preserve
the former by taking in washing, and soon be-
came noted as purifier of solled linen.
Mrs Judy was widow, having buried her "dear
Mike "a few days after bis return from country
Fair with his head broken in several places.
50 Small loss, sald the WluOW-to neEeeli YET sue
walked him in manner worthy OF the O'tlannl-
gan's in olden times.
Now Judy lived in that ''modern Babylon y
called London, and it CHANGED one day that Ma
dame In Mode, noted French nodiste, while vls-
iting perfde Albion required the services of
one Of her craft, and, being recommended to Judy,
called and found her busy over her tubs, her
ample skirt we'll pinned back. and her person
semblng huge elose-pin with sheet tied around
it.
Madame was charmed to her it seemed q novel
sight, as they do things differently in la belle
France There the washerwomen are not troubled
with long skirts !; besides, they generally use the
river for a washtub. She Immediately felt In
spIred with the birth of a new fashion, and, on
her return to Paris produced the dress called the
a. BIancbisseuse' - which, meaning simply washer
woman, did not suit on this side OF the water,
and the one now in was adopted IN its stead
BETTER THAN NoTHING.-A good old Methodist
LADY, very particular and very plous, once kept
boarding house in Boston.
Staunch in her principles, she would take no
one to board who did not hold to the eternal pun
ishment of large portion of the human race.
But the people were more intent on carnal COM
forts than spiritual health, so that In time her
house became empty, much to her grief and alarm.
After some time a bluff old sea captain presented
himself at the door, and the old lady answered
the cali.
Servant ma am. Can you give me board for
two or three days? Got my ship here, and shall
be off soon as load.
Wa-aI, don't know said the old lady.
Oh, house full, eh?'
No but
But what, ma am :?
l don't take any unclean or carnal people in
nv house What do you believer
About what?'
why, do you believe that anyone will be con-
demned?
Oh, thunder yes.
Do you ? said the good woman Frightening up.
Well how many souls do you think will be In
fire eternally?'
Don't know, ma am, really; never calculated
tAat.'
Can't you guessF
Cant say-perhaps fifty thousand
sWa-aI, hem = unused the good woman, 81
guess I'll take you; fifty thousand is better than
nothing.p