The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1876-09-02
HUMOROUS.

bald head.
A hearty man will grow round on
square meals.
My bark Is on the sea-" az the cur
said when the captain threw him over
board.
Why is the opening of the Fall cam.
paign like fashionable woman ? Be- |
cause there Is a great hustle about it,
The family tree of Texas family
shows branch on which several mem.
bers have been hung for borrowing
horses.
A Frenchman got exceedingly angry
with waiter at an English hotel. "You
rascal - exclaimed he. " blow your
nose for you 70
Lady visitor examining the
school) -" What's the capital OF Tur.
key ?" Bright little scholar -"Please,
m, II ain't got none-it's bankrupt"
The next thing ahead is September,
stoves, you knOw--stovepipe- joints all
fit-no trOuble-easiest thing in the
world.
1t takes good deal of philosophy for
man who bumps his head against an
empty shelf to excuse the shelf on the
score of hard times.
When half dozen people are to dine
upon a quarter of lamb, what's the pro-
per time for dinner Why, a quarter
before six, of course.
A Trenton editor says he breads the
Fall campaign, because of So many pa
rades. He says he is harassed enough
now, every Saturday night, by a pay
raid.
" Do BIRDS" asked magazine wri-
| ter, "die natural death ?" We know
many who have probably died in that
way. We shot at them, anyhow.
Out oftEe Pale.-Mr. Stanley has dis.
covered new tribe Of pale-faced
people wlro live on the cold up lands.
With such diet they are not likely to
have much color.
1t turns out that corsets have been
worn for thirty.fve centuries.-Ex.
| Show US a woman who has worn one
that long, and we shall believe you.
The Missouri Republican has tried a
cabbage leaf in its hat, and the Globe
Democrat goes about Summer and Win
ter with an entire head of II in his hat.
The editor of the Vicksburg Herald
says, rather meekly ut is still hot
enough to burn the ears off brass
monkey" Will somebody give him an
umbrella =?
| Ladies' will be delighted to hear that
Montana sends double the usual num-
Der of furs to market. 1t appears to
be a fur-tile country.-N. Y. Conf
Adv. 1t otter be its so fur off.
An educated hog at one of the
watering places is said to be good
mathematician. No doubt it cxcels In
"square root" and is also good al
subtraction" when in turnip patch.
Those three Cinnamon who took 6
watermelon home and cooked it say
that they feel able to worry along on
rice short time longer without fOOling
with any new tangled arrangements il
the vegetable line.
There is always feeling of regre
when we part forever with familiar
objects, no matter how humble and un
important they may be. This, how
ever, does not include any parting will
dog in strange apple orchard.
The New York Commercial Aaver-
tiser refers to the ladies' dresses as al
example of delirium trimmings. N,
wonder | They're always tight, ant
never satisfied unless there's fresl
{ glass before them.
A skipper of down East coaster
named the "HyeHe," was recently ask
ed what his vessel was named after
II don't know, l expect some great maj
, in Congress- ....
: l. Indian customs seem TO be reachin
: East. Old Man. Afraid of II is WIFI
came home late the other night an
, crawled under the bed, but was persua
ded to leave his reservation and becom
one of the Sore Heads.
: A hundred years ago when you cal
ed on a girl she kissed you good by
+: Now If you suggest anything of th
> sort her father calls you into the li5rar
aud asks you what you are worth Ar
:, we nation~2 And is this progress
: A wag presented an Elizabeth saloo
a keeper with pail of steel engraving
: of Sankey and Moody, representing theI
t to be correct portraits of Tilden an
;, Hendricks. They now adorn the wal
0 with Tilden's letter of acceptance III
s derneath.
: The Centennial regetta will fulnis
n the last rows of summer. r.-Philadelp
y Bulletin. We presume when their ID
n bors are over the boats will be for sal
: "That'scarrying the thing at!togeth
;, er too far, you know" as the man sal
, when he got off the cars at the CeLteI
4 nial and found his trunk had gone Q
e to Pittsburg..
: According to well-known physi
8 clan, " Il is dangerous to go into til
IS water after a hearty meal" And
!. would be very fishy one man woul
a get If he did go in after one.
!. A New York editor says " profaniI
y is less common than II used to be.
" From which we infer that he Is lei
70 troubled with bOres and bills from b
u washer woman than formerly.
n The latest piece of enterprise accr
a | l.. 4.