The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-08-17
Wit and HulnOr.


In sad farewell!
Wit and Hum0r.
LONG and successful reign-the del
uge.
THE Texas steer is something TO steer
clear from.
A SEQUEL to the recent excitement in
lard-the earthquake in Greece.
ONE of the proudest moments of a fat
mans life is when he can eat buckwheat
cakes without getting nlolasses on his
shirt front.
The Philadelphia Bulletin accounts
for squeaking Sunday boots by saying,
" It is because their soles haven't been
aisled for week"
ARTIsT-I've been jolly queer lately.
Do you think work too hard? Dealer
in fine arts (plain spoken) Undoubtedly
your work is about as hard as anything
could be.
IT was rather personal in California
newspaper man to chronicle the pur-
chase of mule by a brother editor as a
remarkable instance of self posses
sion."
SHE "didn't want any more had al
ready had rf-eat," was what a sea-
bathing young lady said after being
tipped over by a roller and trying to
scream under water.
ANOTHER man whose memory ough
not to be permitted to perish is gone.
He lived near Fredericksburg, Va, and
his father was kicked out of water
melon patch by George Washington.
A KENTUCKY schoolmaster whose wife
was one of his pupils had occasion to
punish her one day, The next day the
school-house door bore this inscription :
"SchooI closed for one week.. school
master Ill"
Mrs. HENRY says that John is just the
stupiuest man in the world. She ate too
much green corn, the other day, and got
the collie; and what did the old idiot do
but send for the corn doctor. Cjglc59a-
natl Times.
GRATITUDE STRONG IN DEATH.
A bachelor who lately died,
Wiled that his lawyer should divide,
In equal parts his property,
Among three women who survived,
Whom in his day he would have w1ved;
"For,' with grateful smile, ne said,
at is to them alone / owe
My happiness while here below"
TEACHER" Johnny, how did Enoch
go to heaven?" johnny" Don't know,
ma'am." Teacher" Why, Enoch was
translated; God took him up to heaven
without dying" johnny" By golly,
then, that's the line I'm going up on p
The Packer Quarterly.
"CHnDREN, said minister, address
ing Sunday-school, "why are we Like
flowers? What do we have that flowers
have?' And small boy in the infant
class, whose breath smelled of verml-
fuge, rose up and made reply: ''Worms !"
And the minister crept under the pulpit
to hide his emotion.
A LADY, as birthday present, gave
her little son fishing line, hook and
pole. A few hours later she heard hum
scream, and rushing out discovered that
one of her chickens had swallowed the
hook. "Don'S be uneasy, mamma"
said the urchin "she'n stop chewing
the line when she reaches the pole.
"PA." exclaimed Elnathan Dorbins,
Jr., to his respected sire, spa, what's
the difference tween o elephant and
tree ?" Mr.. Dorkins said something
about both having trunks, but was sco1n-
fully interrupted by his offspring, who
shouted, "Cause the tree leaves in the
spring and the elephant leaves when the
menagerie leaves"
AT railway station two gentlemen be-
longing to the district were warming
themselves in the waiting-roon, when
son Of the Emerald Isle, "rather out at
elbows" entered the room. One OF the
gentlemen, Enthusiastically humorous,
said to him: "I'll be after giving you
my chair to warm yourself for six
pence" CIVIL you?" was the reply.
s'I'll be after letting you keep it for a
shilling; and it's meself that has much
need of one just now.
DENY no longer that animals have rea-
son. On one of the streets near the
Bourse is a wise old dog who for years
has roamed the sidewalks without nuz-
zle and fearing no arrest. When IN the
doe-davs he perceiYes that a policeman
is eyeing him he trots away TO the by
drant and takes drink of water with
great relish. "Ah! hal'' says the OIL
Ger, that dog hasn't the hydrophobia.
anyway" and he passes on. Thereon
the sagacious animal spits out the water,
because if he should swallow all he
Tapped he would unquestionably Gle CT
dropsy.-Par5s Figaro.
Humiliafiug a Senator.