The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1876-02-20
THE coNKLING RHYMES.
THE DUTY OF THE PREss-THE NECESSITY OF
PUBLISHING cRnrEs-THH DANGER OF TIE
coUNTRY-NsAEE AsILUMs NIEDED-BArcH
OF LUNATIcs-wILL SENATOR coNKLRa RE


OF LUNATIcs-wILL SENATOR coNKLRa RE
sPoND2
Let one vast curse nn all the air-Bgaek Crook
Before beginning this article beg the pardon OF
the public It is, however, the duty Of great
paper to report all the tendencies and events Of its day
Thus there IL great religious movement going on
under the direction OF Messra Moody and Sankey.
Then there is a great patriotic movement OF tho
nation, inspired by the proximity Of the centennial
anniversary Of the birthday Of the Republic Immense
political currents TOW throughout the land. There
are Irresistible tendencies toward REFORM the whs
key trials in St. Louis and other Western cities
show. 1t is obligatory upon the press 70 report these
movements in full, and we are equally obliged TO
chronicle the great idotic movement which pouring
from all parts OF the United States the direction OF
Senator Roscoe Conkiing The diflculty Of finding
rhyme 70 his that shall satisfy critical taste and
delicate has the fraternity Of minor poets
70 unusual activity
The result that the country has suddenly awakened
the fact that there 900 poets at least eac OF
whom is capable of making worse rhymes than all OF
the Others and all OF whom make the worst that could
DO achieved No one had previously suspected the ex-
istence Of this element OF imbecilty We did
not We view II Judge Quinn did the growth Of she
German element this country, ''with allarrum" II
threatens the overthrow of school system, the
closing of the lecture rooms and unless checked it may
end in the destruction OF the government free and
enlightened people cannot exist in safety with so many
poets busly engaged in undermining its confidence and
pride. The only encouragement that is given by these
remarkable rhymes is to the building of more IDIOT
asyums and hospitals for the insane We print these
poems just as we do any other We regret that
murders are committed, vet we conscientously
suppress tho news. We responsible for either
murderers poets but believe there is nothing TO be
gained by pretending that they do not exist 1t to
be hoped that intelligent readers win see the force Of
this reasoning and acqut us of any wish to nct un-
necessary pain upon the human race
We have therefore, in the interest OF science and
the psychological pathology of incurable insanity.
taken at random few examples of Conkling rhymes
from thousand poets. They can hardly be called
the sbalm of thousand flowers" but they may be
useful warnings, and some coming Pope may and in
them the material OF a modern "Dunciad."
l.
While Moody and Sankey are calling for Conkling
Grants chances for third term are exceedingly darn
slim
LuNArrc NO. 2
As on the horizon the mirage is sparkling
SO the nations Centennial is maged with Conkling.
SO If coming events cast their shadows before
60 for the prize, be il hundreds or moro
LUSATIc NO. j.
In whiskey punch or hot gin sling
Let us drink 10 the success of Conkling.
We trust the Intrinsic merits of the above Will Sc
cure its admission among the efforts of the muse in
this direction.
LUNArIo NO. 4
The city of Rome, so goes the story
Was saved by geese honkling,
The United States, to save Its glory,
Must likewise heed r. Conkling
LUNATIo NO. o.
The voice Of the people calls for rhyme to the pame
Of New York's beautiful son, Roscoe Conkling. Ever
ready to sacrifice self grammar and common sense on
the altar Of my country send you couplet which by
poetical license be construed into an answer TO
the popular demand. Patriotcay yours, h. X
When Grant and Babcock sought as prize
Tho isle OF San Domingo,
Douglas, White and Chandler went as spies,
And so did Conkng go
LuNArIc no. 9.
The candidate of the Empire State is in mind and force
no bantling
He full game, though pouter tame the Hon. Roscoe
LuNArro NO l.
There Is no doubt that Ulysses Grant
Would like 10 his present pomp cling,
But the people are bound that he shan't,
But most make way for Roscoe Conklng.
LUNArIC s.
The following Is the best can do In the poetry line
If prize Is gwen think am deserving oiit:-
Hurrah hurrah our ballots we will sling,
To honor the noble and bold Conkng.
Our choice, bold Roscoe Conkrng, =
To the nations rights did long cling;
Craftsmanship well skilled in
In duty never hesitant,
Wen make him our next President
Nor cease our efforts till then 1ildonL
LuNATIc NO. 10
Tilden says yes from his lair,
Blaine from Maine is willing,
To take the Presidential chair,
Provided they are let by Conkling
We shall not complete the dozen, nor the hundreds
that resemble the specimens already given. But hero
is something better The case OF the author Is not
hopeless, and we are willing 10 class him as
DURABLE NO
Twere wise 20 say word In time
To many All ill-starred monkling;
That President" though u won't rhyme,
win aptly suit TO Roscoe Conkling
DURABLE 2
He'd take his ''Onkle'-in
Would this fellow Conklin
h DURABLE 8
The Indian makes war with yell and halloa,
The Chinese 10 tom-tom and gong cling;
So the friends of Roscoe. like the wings long ago.
Need songs full Of rhymes to their Conkling.
DURABLE NO.
Ny Chinese friend, one Lonk Ling
Would like to vote for Conkng.
Durable NO. g.
For President aspiring Roscoe,
You'll run to ind another Moscow
Before I'd vote for Roscoe Conkng.
would to that branch broken yon cling
DURABLE no
Here arc two stanzas from poet who is so conf
dent that he entit es them
o. 'EUREKA"
An anoent.monk. IN accents wild,
Did thus address monklng-
"Eschew, dear youth. those Thoughts wild,
And trust in Roscoe ConKling."
donkey grave and wise and brave
Accosted thus his donkng:-
"This cunning knave our land will save,
This famous Roscoe Conklng"
We now trust that the public is convinced that
America is capable producing as much bad poetry as
pie OF the dangerous growth OF this Is unneces-
sary at this time. Still the problem unsolved No
perfect rhyme to Conking has yet been found Shall
suggest that the gallant Senator himself might sup
ply tho wantS May we not expect a rhyme from him
IL is his name, and II Is HIS duty protect IL from
the wild attacks OF this legion Of unsuccessful poets
CALAMITY AT SEA.
The American government, through the Board of
Trade at Liverpool has presented to Captain j. T.
Bragg, Of the National Steamship Company, a valuable
telescope in recognition Of his services saving the
crew and passengers Of the American schooner
Vaughan and also towing the latter safely into
New York. On the oath OF November, 1874, while on
the voyage from Liverpool toNew York the vessel was
sighted showing signals Of distress Captain Bragg at
once bore down upon her, and with considerable
dicuty owing to there being heavy sea and almost
gale blowing, he launched boat, and succeeded In
rescuing the distressed vessel, and brought or two
A. III ~ an