Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1876-01-13
MISCELLANEOUS.

Trying to do business without adyer-
tising is like winking at pretty Girl
in the dark; you may know what you
are doing, but nobody else does.
One of the hardest lines in the life
of sn agriculturist is, on seeing an edi-
tor cutting copy from exchanges, to re-
train from saying: "Oh, that's the way
you make up your paper, eh =? steal it?''
A niddle-aged gentleman, deeply
interested in the Centennial, asked y
miss of sweet sixteen if she knew what
important event 1876 would be noted
for, and she responded, "Leap year,
TNorristown Herald.
A young woman of Pekin, ILL.,, was
asked by her minister if her husband
feared the Lord. She replied, Fear
him! Bless you, he is so afrsid of him
that he never goes out of a Sunday
without taking his gun along"
The excuse of the third man." said
Mr.. Moody, illustrating the parable of
the guests who were backward in COM
ing forward, twas more absurd than
any-'I have married wife, and there
fore 1 cannot come Now, why don't
he take his wife along with him."
The Rev. Mr.. Shipman, of Norwich,
says that he was once called to marry q
man who was to be united to his fourth
wife. AS he approached the couple he
said, as usual, "Piease RISE" The man
fdgeted about on his chair, and finally
remarked, "We've usually sOt."
1t has been a custom in the Astor
family, an exchange says, to deposit
500, 900 in the bank at the birth of
son or daughter. That's sensible. No
really well regulated family should ne
glect to take the hint, and do likewise.
IN. Y, Commercial Advertiser.
A Danbury man, wishing to engage
several bushels of potatoes from q party
in the suburbs, asked a neighbor what
sort of man he was. "Well," said the
conscientious neighbor, "I don't know
very much about him, but I should
think he would make a tip-top
stranger"
Many recent discoveries have been
made on the area of ancient Chaldea,
whence Rawlinson thought civilization
camc. Fifteen centuries before Christ
there were books made on baked
bricks by Kilah Shergat. One OF these
brick primers is thought to have hit
Blee Pahtersen.-[N. Y. Herald.
"You mean elastics," replied q
Broadway clerk to an old lady who
asked for garters. AZ suppose some
high-nesed people call 'em 'lasticks,"
she said, shut when I git too stack mp
to ask for garters, Pll not box my S1-
sans ears for saying hose when she
means stockings" She got her garters.
In. Y, Telegram
A young clergyman, whose reputa-
tion for veracity was none OF the best,
ventured to differ from an old doctor Of
divinity as to the propriety Of whip
ping children. why" said he, "the
only time my father whipped me was
for telling thetruth." "Well," retort-
ed the doctor, lit cured you OF II,
didn't it,"
A man whom DIR. Chalmers engaged
to manage disorderiy Sunday school
kept his eyes wide open during prayer,
and when one bog thrust pin into
lanother, he marched up the aisle, stili
praying, and cuffed that boys ears.
and went back again, praying all the
way. After that he was master Of tne
situation, for the boys thought that
man who could watch and pray like
that could not be put down.
A number of Intelligent young men
of Dubuhue have formed scientific
class, which Is considering the subjects
of eight" "water" and cheat" Just
so they meet Ia their secluded club
room, "light" the FIRE, "hestn the
swstero for their whisky, and then
hese youthful scientists. are axed.--
| Burlington Hawkeye.