Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1876-06-08
Humorous.

A good lawyer is not a necessity,
for necessity knows no law.
A bullfrog is never entirely broke"
financially. He always has a green
back. you know.
A Western genius has invented a
machine for making artificial foliage.
He might call it "a patent leave er. y
An Irishnlan being asked why he
left his country for America replied,
1T WASH for want; L had plenty of
that at home"
Pawnbrokers have never been de-
scribed as the pioneers of progrsss,
although it must be admitted that
they are always ready to make an
advance.
A man writes that it is matchless
misery to have cigar and nothing to
light il with 1t is still greater mis-
cry to have a match and no cigar
Boston Post.
What George Elliot calls swarm
paleness" is identical with the hue OF
a mans face who struggles wildly on
the edge of an orange peel, and is too
pious to swear.
A chrome with every egg now
[Danbury News. Is that crow-mo a
rooster?-(White Times. Guess so,
for rooster can crow mo- than a
hen [Norristown Herald.
Rhode Island sends to the Centen-
nial policeman who measures six
feet three inches. That comes from
living in small State. Not having
room to spread, he ran up.
A celebrated poet advertised that
he would supply~lines for any occa-
sion" A fisherman sought him soon
after and wanted "a line strong
enough 10 catch porpoise."
A shipwrecked crew has recently
been killed and eaten by cannibals
in Australia. 1t is shocking to think
that there are still live savages who
can -nibble their own kind.
A gentleman rode up to public
house in the country and asked:
"Who is the master OF this house?"
"I am, sir, /" replied the landlord; my
wife has been dead about three
weeks"
A Cleveland councilman voted in
favor of putting new seats in the
Council chamber, be cause. as he said.
"when chair slipped from under a
member the papers said he was
drunk" He wanted chairs that would
not slip.
Wishing to pay his friend compli-
ment, IA gentleman remarked: Il hear
you have very industrious wife. !"
"Yes," replied the friend, with a mel
ancholy smile, ~she's never idle.
She's always finding something Tor
me to do"
An old lady looking at the curiosi-
ties in a museum came to a couple Of
large sea-dogs, and after gazing at
them with wonder, inquired Of wag
who stood near if they ever barked-
NO, madam, replied he, mot now;
their bark is on the sea-"
A little boy said to his mother, the
other morning: Ma, had the beau
tifulest dream last night you ever
sawl / dreamt that wouldn't go to
school, and that you went out into
the yard and cut good long switch;
but just as you were going to give
me an awful dressin', the world came
to an end! Didn't / get out easy,
thought
Here is a specimen OF Indian wit
from the diary of the elder Adams.
A landlord asked an Indian a copper
more for rum in the spring than the
fall before. The Indian inquired the
reason. at costs me as much to
keep hogshead of rum over winter
as a horse" Indian-"He won't eat
as much hay. Maybe he drink as
much water"
Two lawyers in Lowell returning
from court the other day, one said to
the other: ~Pve notion to join Rev.
Mrs. church; been debating the
matter for some time. What do you
think of it?" Wouldn't do it, said
the other. well, why?" Because
it could do you no possible good,
while it would be a great injury to
the church,"
Two young ladies in the library
were discussing a preference express
ed by one of them for clean shaven
men, when the other was heard to re-
mark: Il don't object to man with
a reasonable quantity of hair on his
face. but / wouldn't like to marry a
buffalo robe"
Mrs. Gitup, of Davenport, remarked
to a neighbor the other day: my
husband is the hardest man to reason
with, that ever lived. / had to smash
up my china teapot, and throw milk
pitcher through the looking glass, be-
fore 1 could make him promise TO
take me to the Centennial.
Mother" said promising boy, as
he came in, whistling, from school,
the other day, slung his satchel full
of books down on the stair landing,
and elected a howl of pain from his
infant sister by giving her a sly
pu ch in the ribs Mother, / hear
'em saying at school to-day that this
Belknap business is all a stall; is it?'
a what, my son?" inquired the do
ting mother.
"A 'snide,' you know. A first class
blk on the community"
Il don't understand you, Willie
, dear; what horrible words those are
explain yourself"
"Ah. mother. pull down your vest
1 mean, isn't it a fraud, put-up job
YOU know, to get Bel to give himself