The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-02-17
Some More Detroit Justice.
A LITTLE PARTY.

He was fair-minded citizen. He
had helped to build up the town. He
had enterprise, patriotism and ambi
ton.
But he got tight.
He went to party. 1t was little
party, where a choice few gathered to.
gether to drink milk, eat pumpkin pie
and talk over old times. When this
citizen started for home million stars
twinkled before his eyes. He lifted his
! feet as though he meant to step over a
fence. He walked this way and that, like
Chinese writing, and soon after sitting
liceman seized him.
"Now, SIR" demanded his Honor,
"was it milk, pop, wine or whisky that
foored you?''
J It-I-I-n
"Don't tell me lie," warned the
Court.
"Well, it was wine-old wine," ad-
mitted the prisoner.
"Then you looked upon the wine
when it was red, did you?''
cit wasn't very red wine"
"But it gave you the Spring-halt,
didn't it?''
"Kinder."
"And you wish you hadn't done it?''
81 do"
"And little parties on Grove Street
will have no enticement for you hereaf-
| ter?"
"No, sir"
"You can go. When night sheds her
sable mantle DER the earth a married
man should be at home to shut up his
hencoop, tack down carpets, clean out
the cellar, and be ready to yell his head
off in case any chimney in the neighbor-
| hood burns out"
HE DID IT WITH HIS LEG.
John Calkins was introduced to the
court and the audience in just as loud a
voice as Bijah would have used to intro
duce the Prince of Wales.
John was lame. 1t was all he could
do to get before the desk. If the dis
tance had been mile fugther he would
have given up in despair.
"Drunk!" said his Honor, bluntly.
"No l amt, either" replied the
prisoner.
al mean you were drunk last night.
mean YOU were found in the rear of a
tobacco warehouse with old boxes, Oys-
ter cans, cast-iron and tin scraps freez-
ing fast to your hair"
81 deny that. When man has a
lame Leo and falls down it isn't right to
say he was drunk"
"What ais your leg?"
ats lame"
"What kind of lamenessP"
"The lame kind"
"How long has that leg been lame?"
"Years and years"
"Is it in the jointP'
"It's all over the leg"
Travelling down the alley at mid
night your leg gave out and you went
to sleep. l see how 1t was.
eyes. sir; that's how it was"
"That's how it was, and this is how
it is: Ninety days"
"It's alfred curious that yon send a
man to jail in this town for being
lame!" exclaimed the prisoner.
"John Calkins, every city has its
peculiarities. Your sentence is one OF
the peculiarities of Detroit. Chicago
might let you ge, Cincinnati might give
Won a medal to boot ot-New York might
send YOU up for life. have done that
which seemed well to me. Lower your
nose, smooth out those anxious lines
from YOUR intellectual brow, and take
the best seat on the red plush sofa as
YOU turn to the right"
HE WASN'T A TOPPER.
ssIs this Archibald Columbus9" ask
ed his Honor of six-footer.
SIT are, sir.n
oNo relation to the late Christopher
Columbus?'
"Not a relaish."
"While Christopher Columbus dis
covered America, the police disc oyered
you"
az s'pose they did, sir"
"Discovered you lying in vacant
lot last night, SO drunk that it took two
officers to bring you DOWN."
81 s'poSe it was that way"
"Well, what excuse can you make fol
such conduct"
"My excuse, sir, is that l don't know
any thing about it any more than you
do"
care you willing to take my state
ment?"
"No. sir, | never saw you before"
"Well, l guess my statement vii
have TO stand in this CASE" remarked
his Honor. s'You haven't entered {
plea; have no defense, and l must fine
you guilty"
"Judce, do you regard me as a com
mon drunkard?" asked the prisoner.
"You look as if something allied you
You are six feet high, thin as clothes
line, and your voice hasn't any meat II
it."
"I am not topper, sir. What ailS mt
is bankruptcy of the liver"
"I never heard of that disease"
81 presume not, but that's what all
me. / have to take cod liver oil in tn
morning, salts at noon and paregOric il
| the evening, and if you had seen a
much sorrow as ! have you wouldn'
sit up there with a double chin ol
"Be little more choice in your Ian
guage, Mr.. Columbus"
"Well, it makes me mad when l thin
of what I've gone through with, "replie'
, the prisoner.
"You want to go home, don't youP'
} 81 do"
!, "And your file-like voice will be hear
! in this land no more?"
"My voice is my voice, and if they
, give me my hat I'll go, for don't hk
, to be wasting time"
He went.
Then Bijah cried out that the sessio
, was over, and the crowd filed out an
left him to shovel up the peanut shuck
and apple-cores.-Free Press.
/ A New Milk Test.