The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1876-03-16
THE BOSS SNORER.
The Depopuiator of Hotels and Boar Y
Houses.

Houses.
The Virginia New Enterprise says
!. After the fire old man Bullard found
lodgings on South O street. He got 6
bed in large room containing two Other
beds that were occupied. Mr.. Bullard
is huge, fat, good-natured, and very
entertaining man. The proprietor OF
the lodging house was much pleased
with Bullard, and laughed at his Jokes
the first evening of his arrival at his
place till tears ran down his cheeks. The
men who were to be Billiards. room.
mates also thought well of him-that
evening. The next morning, however,
they looked sad and red-eyed. Then
they went to the landlord and told him
that he must find some other place for
Mr.. Bullard, as he was such a terrible
snorer they couldn't stand him. The
landlords rooms were all occupied, and
he had no place for Bullard but just
where he was. The complaining dodgers
left and in two or three days other men
were put into the vacant bed. Bullar,l
made short work of them; one night let
them out.
The landlord sought an interview with
Bullard and demonstrated with him.
Bullard stoutly asserted that he did not
snore-had never been known to snore.
The landlord had to give Bullard up as
bad bargain and turned his attention
to looking up dodgers with which to fill
his vacant beds. He found men to take
the beds. but again Bullard cleaned
them out in q single night. Growing
desperate, the landlord again went to
Bullard. He told him he must either
leave the house or pay rent for all the
beds in the room-$45 per month. Bull
lard said bargain was bargain he had
paid SIS for his bed and he intended
keeping it till his month was up, and he
didn't propose to pay for beds he hadn
use for; he didn't snore, and the man
who asserted to the contrary was liar
and horse thiefp The landlord felt
very much depressed after this last in
terview with Bullard, as he saw he was
determined not to be removed from his
quarters. A morning or two after as
Billiards. landlord was going down town
he saw standing in his door brother
lodging house man.
"Thank Heaven he's gone /" said the
man, as Billiards. landlord came up.
"Thank Heaven I am rid of him at
last |"
Grid of whom2"
"Why, of the big fat man you see
yonder waddling down the street."
"What of him ?"
Enough of him! He cleaned nearly
every man out of my house before he
left. They wouldn't stop in the same
block with that snortipg, Falstaffian por-
poise, sir |" '.I.
"He's a good one, is he 9'
"a good one2 He's perfect terror
He's more different kinds of a snorer
than any man 1 ever heard, and every
time he changes his key it is for the
worse. While I had him here crowds
were gathering in front of the house
nightly wondering what was the matter
within, and the police came in one night
thinking some one was being murdered.
My dog ran away, and all the cats left
the house."
"And the man you pointed out to me
is that snorer9"
eyes, sir, he is, and may he burst !"
"Good-day, sir !" and Billiards. land
lord fastened down the street.
The next morning, with the first peep
of day, Bullard, putting and blowing,
rushed into the presence of his land
lord.
"What are you trying to play on
me?" cried he; 81 never slept wink
all night. Of all the Internal noises I
ever heard that man in my room got off
the worst. Is he going to stay here 2"
"Staya of course he is. Hain't he got
the bed for month"
"Then 1 leave" and Bullard was as
good as his word.
An hour afterward the man who had
ousted Bullard arose and waddled se-
rcnely into the presence of the land
lord.
"You've cleaned him out" said the
landlord. "You raised him he's gone
for good" |" and the landlord gleefully
rubbed his hands. "Now," continued
the landlord, "I'll give you a good
breakfast, and then you can CO."
&C.," said the fat man, "not much 1
don't. Didn't you say last evening in
the presence of Billiard and half dozen
others that L Was to stay here one
month? ?"
"But that you know was only to -
81 know nothing of the kind and I
shall stay here! am human; L must
have some place in which to repose."
The landlord is now trying to get
some man to set up some kind of ma
chine in his house that will GUST the boss
snorer, who now has the whole place to
himself except small room in a corner
of the third story where he and his wife
4 l. l.