The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-10-26
Wit and Rnmor.

How TO avoid mistaking toadstools for
mushrooms-Let mushrooms alone.
"WHAr do you propose to take for
your cold?" said lady to sneezing
gentleman. ooh, I'll sell livery cheap;
won't higgle about the price at all.
CALIFORNIA weather is thus put through
the mill
Either the rain comes spouting down,
Soaking you through from sole to CROWN
Or clouds of dust s. git up and git,"
And fill your eyes with soil and grit.
A YOUNG man in Jersey City was
urged to marry, but he replied Ct
don't see it. MY father was single
man, and he always got along well
enough"
A FAoETToUs person went into avillage
shop and was observed to be looking
about, when the proprietor remarked to
him that they didn't keep whisky. SIT
would save you good many steps if you
did," was the visitors reply.
A DRUNKEN California miner kicked a
can of nitro -glycerine again, and his re-
lations would feel great deal better if
they could find something more of him
than one boot-strap. It seems ridicu-
lous to have a funeral over only one
boot strap.
"FUNNY monkey" said Mrs. Parting
ton, as she saw him patiently sitting,
the back, and could wish there wuz
more hair on his reprehensible tail. /
cannot yet believe, neither, that they're
our posterity."
He used to visit her every week, but
he don't go there any more now; for
when the old gentleman came into the
parlor they were sitting six feet apart, it
is true, but the shoulder of his coat had
enough white powder on it to supply q
nursery for week.
ADVERTISEMENT Missing from Kill
larney, Lane O'Foggerty. She had in
her arms two babies and Guernsey
COW, all black, with red hair, and tor
toise-shell comb behind her ears, and
large black spots all down her back,
which squints awfully.
AN organist played in another church
than his own recently, and was compli-
mented by the organ-blower for the pro-
fciency shown in his voluntary. by
the way" added the man who manipu-
lated the wind apparatus, "I've blowed
that voluntary before"
SOME of the athletes were discussing
baseball one evening last week, when
one of them said that whisky was the
best thing to use for q bruise. "One
of the West Ends" he said, "always
put his finger in the poorest whisky he
could find whenever he hurt it. +" "Does
he run 1t down his throat?" asked an idle
apprentice.
A RATHER elderly darkey was inquir-
ing of policeman if he knew anything
of his son Pete. The policeman replied
that there was young darkey III the
lookup who had mouth like stable
door, and piece bitten out of one of
his ears, that was locked up for breaking
up prayer meeting with an AK handle.
''Dat's him. exclaimed the overjoyed
parent, she told me he was gwine 10
muse hisself. San Amto'adO Herald.
EDMUND BURKE stirred all the chivalry
of Europe by his superb denunciatlon
of the treatment of Marie Antoinette,
and yet when he beheld woman tum-
bling from third story window he did
not interpose his own manly form to
break her fall, but excitedly bawled at
one of the bystandars "Catch her, you
blackguard p None of us know just
what we will do until the occasion ar
rives to do it, except when we step out
of bed on tack.
"YoU must, Mrs. Bouncer," said the
wit of second class clearinghouse to
the landlady, "be good customer to
the butcher "You may we'll say so.
Mr.. Chambers" she replied with
shipper of satisfaction, ct pay him from
$50 to $40 week" go, I didn't mean
that" answered the humorist it's be-
cause you buy so much meat no one else
would" The landlady said he would
always have his joke, and smiled forced
and frosty smile then, going into the
kitchen, laid nice long hair across the
TESTERS plate of pudding, as reward OF
merit.