South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-09-08

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it hndn't been for Eve, we wouldn't none
OF US ha' been 'bleeged to work tall
~ Erskine. when at the bar, once
complained TO Jckyll that he had a
pain in his bowels, for which lie could
get no relief "rll give you an infalli.
bic specific" said Jekyll. Get made
Attorney-General, my friend. and then
you'll have no bowels at all"
YEA boy Of five years was PLAYING
railroad" with his sister Of two and n
half years. Drawing her upon foot
stool, he imagined himself both the en-.
CINE and the conductor. After initiating
the pulling noise of the steam, he stop.
ped and called out f.: New York" and
IN a moment after Paterson" and then
Philadelphia" His knowledge of towns
was now exhausted, and at the mex,
place he cried Heaven" His little
sister said, "Top, dos I'll dit out here"
V'A Welsh judge, notorious for his
greed OF Office and his want of personal
cleanliness, was once complaining OF
being neglected. my dear sir" said
Jekyll. in his most amiable tones, won
have asked the minister for almost eve
rything else, why don't you ask him for
piece Of soap and ailbrush?"
S'A HARDsHELL Baptist preached in
Washington lately and took for his text ::
God made man in his own image
lie then commenced IAN honest man
is the noblest work of God" Then he
made long pause, and looking search
ingly around the audience, exclaimed ::
"Bnt opine God Almighty hasn't had
a job in this city for nigh onto Is years"
A SWEET ANswER.-A little boy and
girl. each five years Old were playing by
the roadside. The boy became angry
at something and struck his playmate q
sharp blow on the cheek, whereupon she
sat down and began to cry.
The boy stood looking on minute,
and then said:
81 didn't mean to hurt YOU, Katie.
am sorry"
The little girls face Frightened in
stantly. The sobs were hushed, and
she said:
We'll. ifyou are sorry,it didn't hurt me-.
Is Yesterday youngster of two and
half years, who had become jealous of
his two weeks old brother, and being
left alone with the infant for a couple of
minutes, logged him out of doors, where
he left him. When "little jealousy was
questioned why ne did it, he replied that
he was going to take him back to
grandpa; he didn't want him any more"
Boston Transcript.
Ey Mrs. CARR, of Quebec, hanged
herself with her false hair last week.
The coroner's verdict was that the Carr
was demolished by misplaced switch
to When half q dozen people nrc to
dine upon quarter of lamb, what's The
proper time for dinner? Why, quarter
before six, Of course.-N. J. ddc.
Esy-"IIow to Get Rid of q cold" is be.
ing discussed by the country papers,
Put little nitro-glycerine up your nose,
then hit it with sledgc hammer, and
tho cold will never trouble YOU again. ~.
tyThe New York AdUcriiser refers
to ladies' dresses as an example
Of dclirium trimmings. No wonder =
They're always tight and never satisfied
unless there's fresh glass before them.
IVA hundred years ago when you
called on girl she kissed you good.by.
Now if you suggest anything of the sort
her father calls yon into the library and
asks you what you are worth.
IVA young gentleman who moves in
the best society Of San Antonio, said the
other evening to young lady, the foil.
age is much more cxuberant this year
than usual" Yes, sir" she answered,
"all Thorn imported fruits is cheaper than
they used TO was
tYLucy Stone say she has wcpt for
days and days over Mrs. Ti!ton' 3 trouble.
Better be mending Stones Trousers.
IU'When Ben Butler was asked tine
other day what We should do TO stop all
this misfortune, he said, renectively.
really can't tell till get back to Con.
gress.