Middletown transcript., 1876-04-29
8ulllorous.

How do you keep your wife from
finding you out = asked the old college
friend Of another, after they bad both
/ been married few 10 nonthss BY always
being at home At proper hours" was
the conclusive reply.
What did you do that again for 7"
said gentleman to friend who a
second time picked up andwas burned
by hot poker. '.Because | wanted
to know what it was that burned me
the first time," was the reply.
What are you about here, you old
beer barrel. and where you are going z
said . gentleman to confirmed sot
"Oh! I'm beer barrel. am | I" sneered
the old topper; that accounts for you
trying so hard to pump me-"
A Scottish student, supposed. to be
deficient in judgment was asked by q
professor, in the course Of his exami-
nation, how be would discover fool.
"By the questions he would ask" was
the promp and highly suggestive reply
An Oriental having brought blush
to maiden's cheek by the earnestness
Of his gaze. said to her: My looks
have planted roses in your cheeks; Why
forbid me to gather them ? The law
permits him who sows to reap the har-
vest'''r
A youth applauded dancer with
rapture, and bawled out "Encore!' as
she leaped of the stage after turning q
graceful pirouette. 80 you think one
good turn deserves another" said a
person who sat 10 the same box with
him.
A paper advertises thus: "Run Away
A hired man, named John; bis no. e
turned up five feet eight inches high
and bad on a pair Of corduroy pants.
much worn" How that nose must have
looked, dressed up in corduroy pants!
An Irish woman. giving evidence Of
some persons threatening to break open
her door, said: II says to them. yer
reverence, Don't break the door open,
for I'm all alone by myself, wild me six
childer, and husband that's out at bis
work."
Certain young blackguards of the
Hague. having amused themselves BY
throwing mud at well-dfessed people 90
the promenade. the Superintendent Of
| Police issued request that respect
able citizens wear their shabbiest gar
ments, 10 order to remove all cause Of
offence"
We recently read dramatic crit
icism, which, IN speaking Of the omis-
sion Of the music Of an operetta, said
that lit suffered from the injudicious
application Of the harmonic pruning
knife!" Harmonic pruning knife is
good but did not the critic mean to
say harmonic tuning fork ? !;
II am weary, now-my poor, tired
brain needs rest," said old MacStiDger
to pretty young school teacher who
was boarding in the family; twill you
take me to your room, dear, where
! there is fire, and read Millions Para
disc Lost to me while seek repose y
..I'll rest your poor, tired brain with
this rolling pin if you don't get out Of
this-you miserable, old rdeceitfulg hyp-
ocrite T. remarked Mrs. MacStinger,
emerging from the pantry very nnex-
pectedly. "Give the old man chance,
can'tlyou2'' yelled the buy. who was
taking a slide down the bannisters.
BEEN TO SUPPER He caught chair
after short race and sat down. "Where
have you usbeen?" That's the first ques-
| ton before they say they are going
home to their father, but he had an
answer that would have stunned any
woman living:
I "B'n Presbyterian supper
What? Who did you 60 with y
'.Wizze boys 80 -,
s.Boys! What boys Y sii1 II
ssAlle boys; Preshbytery Morerators.
sail"
/ Here Mrs. w. bowed the frill other
night cap and wept, and he explained,
between convulsive jerks at his boots !:
"'Sno use crying Good company
Bet Morrerator e couldn't say Ten
Commandments. Lost my money, Took
mother drink Went I my head! Ladies
all helmahead."
s.Oh. Charles another woman held
your head!" Sobs.
7 ..Now. Maria. don't be fool. Who
said nuzzer 'oman helmahead ?"
why, you said SO yourself. More
sobs. 4 iii u
Never I'm a furrel liar Tell you
truth this. S'elpme Bob" and doubt
less he would if be hadn't gone dead to
sleep while be was talking