The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1876-05-09
Se1frt Sturp.
Scared Out of a Wife.

OCulSo va ~ "
The narrative which I am about to
write, was told me one black. cold night,
in country parlor. 1t was one of those
nights in mid winter, when the wind swept
over the land, making everything tinge
with its frosty breath, that was seated
before a blazing fire, surrounded bv a
jolly half dozen boys and an old bache-
lor-A. Peter Green-about forty and
eight years old.
1t was.just the night without to make
those within enjoy a good story, so each
of US had to tell bis favorite story, save
Mr.. Green, and as he was a jolly story
teller, we were somewhat surprised to
hear him say, 81 have no story that
would interest you,' so we had to find
other entertainments for awhile, when
one of the boys told me to ask him how
it happened that he never got married.
So he did
"Well, gentlemen he began, sit don't
seem right for me to tell how that hap
pened, but as it is about myself, don't
care much. You see then we had to
walk as high as five miles to church and
singing school which Vas our choice en-
joyment, but doesn't have anything to
do with my not getting a wife, but just
wanted to show you that We had some
trouble them days in getting our sport
"John Smith and l we're like. brothers,
or like MARY and her little lamb Where
one went the other was sure to go; so
we went to see two sisters, and as we
were not the best boys imaginable, the
old gentleman took umhrage and would
not allow US to c)me near the house, so
we would take the girls to the end of the
lane, ,aad there we would nave to take the
final kiss.
"We soon got tired of that sort Of
fun, and told John on orr wav to sing
ing school one night that was going to
take Sadie home, and that / was going
into the house, too.
"He sail the old mai would run me
if did
81 told him I was going to risk it any
how, let come wha. wouli.
"He said he would risk it if would
$50 home we went with the girls
When we got to the end of the lane l
told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
'.They looked at each other in a way
didn't like too well, but said that the
old folks would be in bed, so they did
not care if we did.
They were little more surprised yet
when I told them we thought of going
in little while, but as all was quiet when
We got to the house, we had no trouble
in getting into the kitchen.
T. Then and there we hal our first court,
aud made up my mind to ask Sadieato
be my wife the next time came!
1t was now the turn of the night, and
as we had four miles to walk told John
we had to be going; so we stepped out
on the porch, but just as we did 80 the
sky was lit up by lightning, and one tire
mcndous thunder peal rolled along the
mountain Sides Its echo had not died
out in the far off wales until the rain be
gan to pour from the garnered fullness
of the clouds; we waited for it to stop
until we were all sleepy, when the girls
said we should 60 to bed in the little
room at the head of the stairs which led
out of the kitchen as their father didn',
get up early we could be home before
the old folks were astir. So after bid
ding the girls sweet good night-and
hugging them lit,le-snd wishing them
pleasant dreams, and promising them to
come back on next Sunday night, We
started for bed.
We didn't have far to go, as the bed
stood near the head of the stairs. Johr
was soon in bed, but as was always 6
little slow and full Of curiosity, / wa;
looking around the little room.
/ AT last l thought l would sit down or
chest which was spread over with {
white cloth, while I drew off my boots
so down I sat, when stars of the east
I went plump into Zig egg-custard
pie!
thought John would die laughing
for lie said had smashed the custard al
to thunder and the plate right in two :
You see we had TO be awful quiet SO th,
old man would not hear.
I was now ready to get into bed, so
put out the light and picked up m.
boots, thinking to put them in NOR
convenient place, when down my on
leg went through pipe-hole which hat
been covered with paper, up to my hip.
Now one part OF me was up stair
while the longest part Of me was in th'
kitchen.
AS my leg was very long it reached
shelf which was occupied by dishes
! pans, coffee pots, DC /, and tarned it owe
with o tremendous crash.
/ The girls had not yet retired, and W
could hear them laugh fit to split thei
sides.
i I felt awful ashamed, and was scare
until my heart was in my throat, for
expected the old man every moment.
j I extracted my leg from the confound
ed hole just in time, for the old lad
looked into the kitchen from the ROOF
door, and asked what 'all that noise ws
about
The girls put her off as best they coul
and l went to bed. while John wa
strangling himself under the cover t
keep from laughing aloud.
t We soon went off into the land {
dreams with the hope of waking early
4 l wish l could tell you my dreams, bu
it would take too long. One moment
? would fancy myself by the side of Sadi
) slipping nectar from her heaven bedewe
lips, and the next would be flying frol
the old man, while he would be flourish
ing his cane above my head. This O
5 came to an end by John giving me
: kick.
, On waking up and looking around
: saw Johns eyes as big as my fist, whi
the sun was beaming in at the window
! what to do we couldn't tell for we hear
the old man having family prayers in tt
kitchen.
John looked out of the window an
said he could get down over the porch
D "Get up and dress as soon as poss
: ble," he said.
: So in my hurry my foot got fastene
e in the bed clothes, and out tumble'