Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-02-11
G1eanings.

heart
Death may expiate faults, but 1t docs
not repair them.
Leather. chemically considered, is the
oxhide of beef.
The throne is a bit of gided wood GOV
cred with velvet
The small courtesies of life, swcctens the
greater ennoble it.
The woman we love is always the most
beautiful of her sex.
We must use oil, not water, to quench
theological volcanoes.
Educate men without religion and you
make them clever devils.
Men like to see themselves in print; NO
men in silks and velvets.
To really understand 4 man We must
Judge him in misfortune.
The farmers boy likes it too rainy TO
work, as ne can 60 a-fishing.
He who is in good health, and is will
ing to work, has nothing to fear IN this
world.
How few love and reverence living
friends as they do the dead.-Horrlet 'B
Stone.
He that is wise throughout the day can
we'll afford TO be little silly at night =
Prentice.
When you consent, consent cordially
When you refuse, refuse finally. When
/ cl,
mend often-never scold.
care you guilty or not guilty" asked a
judge of prisoner the other day. And
sure now" said Pat, "what are you put
there for but to find that out?"
"You must be quarrelsome fellow
! said phrenologist to man whose bumps
he was examining. "Say that again and
I'll knock you down" was the response.
Daughter-'Wel to tell the truth do
not think much of the close of the ser
mon" Father -" Probably you were
thinking more OF the clothes of the con-
gregation.'
"How does that look, eh?" said q big
4 listed Walnut street man to friend, hold
( ing up one Of his hrawny hands. That, y
said the friend looks rs though you'd
gone short on soap"
\ student undergoing his examination,
WAS asked what was the mode of action
of disinfectaGts? lie replied They smell
50 "1}lY that The people open the win
doWs, and Fl sh air gets in
/ When young farmers wife made her
/ first boys pants precisely the same before
as behind the father exclaimed: Good
ness, he won't know whether he's going
to school or coming home"
Old Gent-"You don't mean TO tell me.
waiter that you can't give me a tooth
pick?' Waiter-"Well, sir, we used to
keep EN-, but the gents almost invariably
took 'em away, when they'd done with
EN-
\ Cincinnati man having lost his situa-
ton last summer, his wife took some
money she had secretly saved, and started
grocery store. She succeeded at once,
and now employs her husband as cl9rk at
/ good wages.
We never stand by when woman en-
! tiers a hardware store, shuts her teeth to-
gether, and inqnires the price of them
ere iron-handled rollmg-pins," without
thinking there is rest beyond the grave for
! her husband.
! Could anything be neater than the old
darkey's reply to beautiful young lady
whom he offered to lift over the gutter,
and whe insisted that she was too heavy
''Lor, missus,' said he, Use used to lift
1 ing barrels of sugar
! The Lowell mill girls have novel way
of getting rid of any male employee who
happens to be obnoxious to them Thev
rush at HIM in groups, and kiss him, and
keep up this treatment until the poor fell
I low is forced to leave.
Men are what Women make Them,"is
the singular title of new.book. 1t may
| be true, but We have seen some dreadful
| poor specimens of the manufactured arti
Gle, which reflests badly either upon the
material or the maker
The gentleman who asserted that his
| friend never opened his mouth without
putting his foot in it, being called upon to
apologize, said he was very sorry, but
when he made the assertion he did not see
the size of his friends foot.
Baggs got up too early one morning,
and began to scold the servant girl. His
little 6-year old, who had been listening
attentively during the conversation, broke
in with, " Father, stop scolding; you
needn't think that James your wife
A gentleman who rather suspected some
one with peepng through the key hole of
his Office door. Investigated with a syringe
full of pepper-sauce, and went home to
find his wife had been cutting wood and
chip had hit her in the eye
Johnny attends school, which will ex-
plain the following short dialogue between
him and his father: Johnny, l didn't
know you got whipped, the other day"
said he. You didn'ts Well, if you'd
been in my breeohes you'd have known
it."
"a horse! horse! my kingdom for
horse" cried celebrated tragedian =
''Wouldn't jackass do as well?" inquired
an affected Young man, rising in his seat
"ies," triumphantly exclaimed the actor,
''just step up this way, sir" The young
man sat down.
Fired, said young man, walking up
State street, in Chicago, the other day, af-
ter listening to his wonderful story, ''do
you known why you are like harp struck
by lightning?" No" said Fred; Il give
it up" Because harp struck by light
ming is blasted Tyre" D."
A preacher took up q collection on Sun
day, and found, when his hat was return
ed, that there wasn't penny in it. Il
thank my God said he turning the hat
upside down, and tapping the crown of it
with his hand, 'that have got my hat
back from this congregation"
That was good advice which an old
man gave his sons Boys, don't YOU
ever specerlate or wait for something to
turn up. You might just as we'll sit down
on a stone in the middle OF a medder with
pail 'twixt your legs and wait for n COW
to back up to you to be MIXED"
An absent-minded man entered u Troy
shoe store the other day and wanted his
boy measured for a pair of shoes. "But
where's the boy?" asked the dealer =
"Thunder!' said the man, 'Ive left the
boy at home go and get him." and off
he started for his house six block away.
A Peoria naturalist, in attempting to
warm the ears of frozen wasp over a