Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-10-18
Humorous.

Numerous.
Law is like sieve; you NAV see
through it, but you must be consider
ably reduced before you get through it,
KULTIvATE modesty, but mind and
keep good stock of impotence on
hand.-Josh Billings.
A YOUNG man who has tried it sug-
gests that before you pop the question
It's just as well to question the pop.
MRS. PARTINGToN thinks no NAM
moth aggravation of animals is worth
5O cents to see.
BRIGHAM YOUNG once, walking down
the street, said to a four-year-old girl,
What's your fathers name?'
Your'n," said she.
The St. Louis Republican, giving a
long description of st. Louis forty-six
years ago, sadly says: CAT that time
there was but one brewery"
A GRANDILoQUENT writer wrote,
" Slave have set my life upon the
cast !" But the compositor made it,
"slaye ,, I have set my wife upon the
A DANBURY housekeeper observed to
the hired girl, the other morning:
Ann, as we have entered upon an
other century of our nations history,
| guess you had better get tooth
brush of your own"
Discussion between wise child and
its tutor: "That star you see up there
is bigger than this world" "No, it
isn't" eyes it is" 'tThen why doesn't
it keep the rain off ?"
A MAN wants to sell farm in which
meandering streamslpermeate luxuriant
pastures, while MAJ este oaks and state
ly naples attract the eye Of the be-
holder. Not word about hoppers.
"WHAr time is it?" asked one pas
senger of another in a Detroit depot.
"Ten minutes to watt" was the ans
war, as the man looked up at the time
table.
"ABsENCE makes the heart grow
fonder," was the thought of Mrs. Abs,
of Biller avenue, when she found that
burglars had gone through two trunks
and distracted $1,000 worth of money
and clothing.
The longest sentence on record was
constructed by Western judge. He
sentenced a murderer for life, and after
ward slapped two more years to the
sentence because the prisoner called
him mo gentleman"
WHEN the English language is
amended the word love will be spelled
Guy" and by that time all us fellows
will be married and won't care a hop
per whether the word is in the Ian
guage at all.
The Centennial boot" is the latest
wrinkle for the ladies. It is especially
adapted for the exposure of the ex-
quisitely embroidered white and color
ed silk stockings now selling for $25
pair.
The man who wins Centennial prize
and doesn't advertise it, is as bad as
the man who buys a $4,000 oil paint
ing, and then presents it to q blind
asylum.
" I SUPPOSE" said a quack, while feel
ing patients pulse, "that you con-
slider me a humbug." Chow odd it
is, " responded the patient, "that you
can SO accurately tell mans thoughts
by feeling his pulse
ADVERTISEMENT: Missing from Kill
larney, Lane O'Foggerty. She had in
her arms two babies and Guernsey
COW, all black, with red hair, and tor
toise-shell comb behind her ears, and
large. black spots all down her back,
which squints awfully.
GIANT any use in your cryin','
said a heartless maiden to her PROSTATE
lover; /" wouldn't marry you if you
were the last man on earth" dwell.
Mary" he replied, breathing through
bis nose with great difficulty, you'll
lend me your pocket handkerchief,
won't your"
A YANKEE in Paris who was listening
to the boasts Of a lot of English and
French artists, about the wonderful
genius Of their respective countrymen,
at last broke out saying: ooh pshaw,
you git out, why there's Bill Devine, of
our village, who kin paint piece of
cork SO exactly like marble, that the
minute you throw it into the water, it
will sink to the bottom just like q
stone"
NoTjlong ago the heather in China
made sudden and remarkable de-
mand for copies of the Bible. The
were delighted: great
work was about to be accomplished.
Somehow the converts didn't come
up to altar. Upon the investigation it
was found that the Bibles had been ap-
pied to the curing of another kind of
sole altogether-paper soles for shoes.
A PRISONER was being tried for sheep
stealing, and he was asked by the pre-
siding judge, an Irish chief baron, what
he had to say in his defence. "Ah,
sure, yer lordship, didn't meself and
ne fawther, and me grandfawther all
vote for your lordship when ye put up
'or Tipperary? And, begora, didn't we
carry your lordship to the head of the
poll ?" True, true" murmured the
Judge, and he was visibly affected by
he Renaissance. He looked kindly
At the prisoner at the bar, and in sum-
ming up directed, the jury to acquit
aim, though the evidence was very
strong for conviction. The jury felt
he pressure put upon them, and the
brennan, in giving the verdict, said,