The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1876-01-06
... CLIPPINGS n

CLIPPINGS.
December 31st will be the centennial
anniversary of Montgomery's unsucces
full attack on Quebec, during which the
intrepid commander lost his life.
: Vic. Woodruff .indorses the Oneida
community, remarking that there are no
thieves within its borders. Why. how.
ever, should there be thieves there a
man ould be fool to steal his own
property. = -" = :.7 .....
The wife Of Houston. the chief engi.:
neer Of the steamship Pacific, who lost
his life while trying to save the women
passengers:of the ill-fatcd vessel, has be.
come insane from grief At the death Of
her husband. ~. -:~ -.;.s.
The Harvard Adc0cute relates the fol-
lowing incident Of the German recitation
room. Students translation: "Waltze
ich Mich schaftlos auf dem lagcr-I
waltzed slcepily off for lager" Wild
amazement Of instructor and ripping
smile through the class.
The Louisville Ledger offers to match
Susan B. Anthony against any minister
in the land who is spelling for u fight.
Susan is not so vigorous as she was when
Titus sacked Jerusalem, but she is suffi-
GENTLY agile to exercise any man who's
got tho dyspepsia bad enough olet her
try. -, 49,, .....:
TO place a placard Supper. thirty
CENTS" directly over motto ''the Lord
will provide" suggests an association Of
material and spiritual food not warranted.
It was done in the Sunday School room of
Boston church at a sale where refresh.
ment tables were kept, and the smile Of
the ungodIy prevailed.
1t was in Omaha. A lawyer was nd.
dressing judge, and the Judge was cat
ing peanuts and reading = novel. The
lawyer bore it for some time and then an.
grily remarked, 81 suppose I am entitled
to claim the attention of this court"
swell, SIR retorted the judge, 'the
court has long suspected you, and will do
its duty the first chance it gets.''
A man who never permitted a lady to
cross q muddy street unattended if he
could help it who made it practice to
offer his knees as seat for any tired
stranger in an overloaded car who was
always good-natured in crowd, no mat.
ter how much they showed, and who stuck
to his fellow.men closer than brother, is
now in the penitcntiary for pocket pick
ing.
An old college Prex. used to say that
nc would always assign reason for any
official act Of his. One day Jones, who
was stupid fellow, went to h m and
complained that in the distribution of
commencement honors, no grafton had
been assigned for him to deliver, and
asked prcx. what reason there was why
he was not to speak. ''Scriptural reason,
sir. was the reply; "there is no piece for
the weak head"
The combined capital Of the Roth
schilds is stated by Emile Burnquf, a
we'll known publicist, to have attained in
the present year to the almost iucalcula-
BILE sum of seventeen billions Of francs, or
$3,400, 100000. NJ. Burnquf's opportu.
mites Of information and temperate habit
Of speech invest his estimate with a Ger.
tain authority, and probably justify US in
accepting it as an approximation to the
fact.
A Witty, popular, aud learned lord on
the northern side Of the Tweed, tells a
story of Scotch wife, shortly after the
nuptial.knot had been tied, mildly expos.
tulating with her husband for indulg cling
in two tumblers of whisky-toddy just
before going to bed. my dear Agnes,
a glass o whisky-toddy makes anithcr
man O. me- '--''But, my dear William.
you take two. ''-"Ay, Agnes, that gangs
ia the ither man,
An old fashioned couple who we're wait.
ing at the Central Depot recently to con-
tinue their journey westward, were stroll
ling up Third street and gazing around.
when the woman cspicd one of the street
cars of the city railway line, which hap.
pened to be empty at the moment.
''That's a boss car" replied her husband
to her query. $50 that's boss car, eh!"
she unused, mounting the step and look.
ing in. swell, now, who'd ever think
that they'd 60 and fix up cars as nice as
this to ride bosses in !'-..F'ree Press.
Louisville has been amused by row in
fashionable house. A boarder refused
to either pay his bill. or to go away until
the month for which he had bargained
had expired. The landlady was told by
the lawyers that the money was not legally
due until the end of the month, and that
she must fulfill her part of the contract
before she could sue him. Sire next took
the case into her own hands, put damp
sheets on his bed, fed him on the poorest
viands, and put whining puppy in the
room next to his. He retreated after
three days Of endurance.
He was, says the Henry (Ky.,) 7ri.
bune. gentleman of perhaps sixty years
of age, professed Christian of steady
habits. He stood upon the corners Of
the streets several hours during last
Wednesday. "wednesday was a windy
day. Our curiosity was little excited,
and we vcntured to ask him Why he
fingered. Drawing himself up to a full
height, he heaved a sigh-a real sigh
and said, ''R-, there were no striped
stockings in my boy.hood days. I was
born too soon. Sixty summers have come
and gone, my observation has been ex.
tensive and varied, but the care young
lady takes to show the striped stockings
of tho present day exceeds anything
have ever seen, and they look really beau
tiful, don't they.
In the United States Court at Indian.