Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-04-28
HUMOR.

you any experience in the business? we
asked Of verdant-looking youth, who APP
piled for an editorial position the other
day.
Haven't I thought" he replied, as he
showed one foot under his chair to hide the
unskilful patching Of backwoods cobbler,
81 should say have had some experience.
Haven't corresponded with the Pumpkin.
vile ssScreamer" for six weeks? Hain't
that experience enoughr"
'sThat will do very well,'' we replied,
''but when we take young men on our edi-
torial staff, we generally put them through
an examination. How much are twelve
times one?"
"Twelve! why any little boy ought to
an
s'Hold on, please don't be so fast-who
discovered American"
Columbus Pshaw, them questions are
just as easy as"
s'Who was the first MANI"
"Adaml why mister, know all"
"What was his other name?'
''His other name2 why, he didn't have
none'
Eyes, he did. You see that's where
we've got you. His other name was Ebe-
nezer-Ebenezer Adam, esq.,. late of Para
disc. Nobody knows this but editors, and
see to it that you don't tell anybody"
He said he wouldn't.
swell, how many bones are there in the
human body2"
"Well, I forget now, but did know
wunst.''
"What! Don't you know that? Why
there's 7,4s2, 1871, Ala bones in an ordinary
man. A man that SHORES has one more
than other people,
"What bone is that?"
'sThe trombone. 1t is situated some
where in the nose. You won't forget that.
will your"
He said he wouldn't.
elbow long would it take mud-turtle
to cross the desert of Sahara with small
orphan boy to touch him up behind with
red-hot poker?"
s'Well, look here, mister, if had slate
and pencil could fgger it out. but dog
my skin if Pm much on mental 'rithmetic."
estate and pencil! Did you ever see such
things about a sanctum? Well, we'll let
that question slip. Have you got good
constitutions
Equity tolerable.''
elbow long do you suppose you could
live on raw corn and faith, and do the
work of domesticated elephant!"
~ r Sc,
a week"
s'Well, that's about as long as you'd
want to live if you got an editorial position
! on this paper You appear to be pretty
We'll posted; we shall ask you one more
<lestion, and if you prove equal to that
y.u can take off your coat and sail inn
"Let's have Ter, Squire. 1 didn't CORES
pnd with the Pumpkinville "Screamer"
six weeks for nothin'. Let 'er come-I'm
on deck, I ann
s'Well, sir, if two diametrical circles
with octagonal peripheries should collide
with centrifugal idiosyncrasy, or to put
it palmer, we'll say disenfranchised non-
entity, what effect would the catastrophe
exert on crystalized Goldfish suspended by
the tail from the homogeneous rafters of
the empyrean?"
AS the full force of this ponderous prob
lem broke upon his bewildered brain, he
slowloy dragged his inartistically cobbled
shoe from uner his chair, and started
from the room. We heard him descend
the stairs, go out and close the door. We
then placidly resumed our duties, regret
ting that so promising youth should have
been weighed in the balance and found
wanting Patriot.
Cool AS AN ssANGIL.''-After the terri
BILE row in the South Carolina Rad ical Con-
vention, when order was restored, a dis
cussion took place as to whether anyone in
the melee brand shed chair over Gov
ernor Chamberlaine's head, when color
ed delegate named Harriet obtained the
floor and made the following declaration
in his own peculiar dialect. He said:
HGentlemens, was dar. / was near de
Govenur, and recognized him because he
had no har ON de top of his head and, sir,
gentlemens an Mr.. Speaker, he walked
dat aisle lke-like-not like, but jist as
cool as angil from heaving."
An English doctor, travelling in the East
was excessively anxious to increase his rep
utation at home by learning certain native
methods of treating disease, of which he
had heard wonders. On one occasion,
when on the confines of the Great Desert.
he asked an old sheikh, s'What do you
do with sick people, when they can't
sleep ?" He received the very practical
reply, HWe set them to watch the cam
els.''
A couple of color, affectionately interes-
ny, and unable to read or write, have been
corresponding thorough third parties. The
other day Romeo was listening to letter
from his his Juliet, in which happens the
expression, Reclining in the arms Of Nor
pheus.' whats dat ? In the arms of
an nudder negro? Dat gal can go to Jer-
ico-I dun lub dat secon' ham darkey no,
sab -
A drunken passenger in a Boston street.
car pulled the strap violently and rang the
bell at each end. "Here here what's the
matter with yer ?" yelled the conductor.
''What are yer ringing the bell at both ends
for ?" Because" replied the passenger,
with great contempt, "because (hic) want
both ends of the lhic) car to stop.
s'How one things brings up another l"
said a lady. absorbed in plea sing RETROSPECT
tion. Eyes" replied the practical Dobbs.
San emetic for instance"
A wag lent a clergyman horse, which