The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-10-06
WHOLE NO. 1923.
Pith and Point.
! A GOOD place TO send refractory chill
dren-Whip-pany, n. J..

A GOOD place 10 send refractory chill
dren-Whip-paAy, N. j..
CAMPAIGN FRUIrs-Candi-dates cur
rent rumors, and banner raisin's.
A COUPLE who had made arrangements
to elope quietly to California, said they
were going to try the Pacific slope.
is THE moon made of green cheese,
youngster 2" "No, sir, certainly not"
"How do you prove thatl" Z" Oh, easy
the moon was made before the cows"
WITH what faculty ought common
street thief to be eminently endowed9
ct being too hot for guessing, we give
the answer at once): Purse-pick-acity.
A BOY of IL, dining at his uncle's,
made such good dinner that his aunt
observed, "Johnny, you appear to eat
we'll" eyes, aunty, replied the urchin;
"I've been practising eating all my hfe."
A MESSENGER in the Treasury Depart
ment sent dollar to Chicago firm who
advertised method of writing without
pen and ink. IN few days the answer
came "Write with pencil.
A NORWICH man calls himself, on his
card, Temperance boot maker" The
need OF temperance boots is apparent,
for though they're not generally drunk,
it's q notorious fact that they're often
very tight.
SOME one wrote to the San Francisco
NetOs Letter for the editor to decide a
bet as to Shakspeare's first name. He
replied "By reference to our encyclo-
pedia we find his name was George, or,
as he always signed himself, G.. Dobson
Shakespeare"
A MONTREAL paper advertises for
"l live boy who can write legibly and
rapidly" 1t was happy thought 70 in
sert the word olive" in the advertise
ment. A dead boy might have applied,
and we never heard of dead boy writing
very rapidly and legibly.
A SOLDIER on trial for habitual drunk
enness was addrdssed by the President
of the court martial: " Prisoner, you
have heard the prosecution for habitual
drunkenness what have you 10 say in
your defense {" "Nothing, please your
honor, but habitual thirst !" lf
The season is about four weeks earlier
than usual in one thing. A down east
editor has already commenced to throw
out hints that Thanksgiving turkey
from one of his subscribers would not
be refused. There seems to be no "de-
clue" in journalism after all. C
SHE waltzed like Juno at the hop;
vowed the question would pop; and as
her partner rendered her O seat, my
throbbing heart with anxious pang did
beat tripped beside my lovely charm.
/ bowed and gently touched her arm.
Engaged for next2" I said, My dar-
ling KateY" "Go way" she said, "You
hit my vaccinate."
THE PRESENT MONTH.
Ny household gods all abroad,
Their names l scarce remember,
And naught is on my hearthstone now
! 'Cept ember.
And even thus next month shall come,
With humor grim ana sober,
! And then what's standing now Will be
Rnockt ober.
CONSIDERING that the mosquitoes
are making their fall raids and are par
ticularly lively just now, my DEAR"
said Jones to his wife, "don't yon think
it would be good idea to bring the
baby crib into our room2 We might
divert the attention of the voracious in
sects little from ourselves. hate to
be broken of my rest. and baby can
sleep all day, you know" Mrs. Jones
went in search of the fire-tongs at once.
ABOUT half century ago an old man
was hanged in County Antrim for COM
plicity in murder. The rope broke and
he fell violently to the ground. His
first words, when he recovered his breath,
were, "Ah Sheriff, Sheriff, gle us fair
hangin'" His sons leaped forward to
claim their fathers life ON the ground
that the law had no right to exact q
second hanging. But the old man
cried out, "Na, boys, I'll no gang hame
to hae people pointin' me oot, and say
ing, There's John c., the half-hangit
man..
Iowa talks of having harvest home
festival. It's wheat to be remembered.
Illinois will have a regular Indian carni-
va. Graphic. He that hath ears to
hear let him ear. 1t will be delightful
to see the Hoosiers treading the giddy
maize. Orators will grow husky ~ they
buzz about harvest bees with hJury elo-
quence, aud the reaper-torial corps will
pause in takin' oats for their cereals to
commune with the spirit of rye. Peo-
pie will crowd the railroad roots and
furrowners will come from all lands.
Keep the ball rollin' on.-Phitadet-
phia Bulletin. Ii the cultivators OF
such items will harrow us with their
atrocious puns they richly deserve to be
thrashed. Speed the plow.-i)etroit
Post.
Rescued from a Boa Constructor.
At fair, in the neighborh cd of
LYONS. few DAYS since, loud cries were
heard issuing from the booth ~ Mile.
Laurent. serpent-charmer. o some
people Fastening to the spot, they found
f,.l... al. l.. LII