The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1876-07-13
PUNaENT PARAGRAPHS.

EUN0EN1 xAhAUnAIn 0o /
Mr.. JONES heard that Mrs. Brown
wore our-button gloves, and exclaimed:
Lordy! Why, | wear seven-button
shoes!''
An exchange asks: "What are our
young men doing?'' We can't answer
for the rest of the country, but around
here they are engaged mainly in trying
to lead nine-dollar existence on q
seven-dollar straightforward Bulletin.
BoYs in Burlington, Me-, spattered
blood on bridge one night and fired
pistols, and for the ensuing week the
town was excited over these false indi-
cations of a tragedy. One Of the jokers
has confessed, and all have been
whipped soundly by their parents.
A WOMAN is imbued with q feeling of
love and kindness second only to that
of the angels, but she can never wash
out pair of mems cashmere pants and
have them set as well as they did be-
fore. Fulton Times. No; nor as well
a. they did behind, either.-Norristo'css
Herald.
A SLIGHT mistake at christening:
Clergyman (who has forgotten the day
of the month)-"Let me see; this is
the-ah-the thirteenth, l believer"
Fond mother (not catching the idea ex-
actly, but thinking of her family -
"Why, bless your stars! No, this is
only the eleventh."
IT cost j. S. Evans 81, 600 to be intro
duced to the Secretary of War. We do
not wish to run any of the old estab-
lished brokers out of the introducing
business, but as times are very hard,
and money is scarce, we will, for the
next thirty days, introduce responsible
parties to the Secretary of the Burling.
ton Home Mission Society at the rate OF
four for quarter, with liberal reduc
tons to clubs.-Hasckeye.
| CREATURE COMFORTS.
We may live without poetry, music and art;
We may live without conscience, and live with
We may i've without friends, we may live with
But civilized man cannot live without cooks.
He may live without books-what is knowledge
He may live without hope-what is hope but de-
He may y' i've withou. love.6h.t is passion but
But where is the man that can live without din
| ing?
An Indiana man has patented a cofir
which, when once closed, can only bt
opened from the inside, and by the
tenant of the coffin himself. This will
supply long felt want. It will be 6
great consolation to a man after he is 8
corpse to know that he can open hi!
coffin and get little fresh air once in {
while; and no prying individuals cal
see him unless he feels so disposed-ol
unless they pry the lid off with crow
bar.
The custom of appointing young
lawyers to defend pauper criminals re
ceived backset the other day in q West
| ern court. The Judge had appointed
two young lawyers to defend an old ant
experienced horse thief. After inspect
ing his counsel for some time in silence
the prisoner rose in his place and ad
dressed the bench: "Air them to de
fend me?,' eyes, SIR" said his Hon
or. Both of 'em?n inquired the pris
oner. "Both of them," responded tn
Judge. "Then plead guilty, !" and tn
poor devil took his seat and sighet
heavily.
! Mrs. FITCH has those diamonds. Nov
, commences trouble. Clothing to mattel
, the diamonds. Measures of protection
against burglars. Fights with the as
! SCISSORS of taxes. Difficulty regardin,
! the advisability Of selling the bauble
| and buying Alarm. Attendance at par
, ties accompanied by policeman. Ms
. placing of the diamonds and franti
} searches for them.s Continual nervous
ness, consequent irritability, famil
: quarrels-inally, perhaps, fatal lines
r and untimely death. All, Lieutenant
7 Alas, Mrs. Fitch! Better, as we hav
: before suggested, send the diamonds :
. Ius. Therein is the only safety
ell Rochester. Democrat.