Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-02-24
A BUDGET OF BLUNDERS.
tAppletons' Journal.

A BUDGET OF BLUNDERS.
[Appletons' Journal ...r...
There are certain phenomena in public
life which surprise US by their evenness
and the regularity of their movements.
When these regular events are broken in
upon, and are disturbed, wo are quick to
notice the impelling cause, but we fail to
be impressed with the wide field there is
for more interruptions. We are quick
enough to pass judgment upon railway
officials when ever accidents occur, but
the great wonder is, with our immense
! country and our travelling public. that
bridges do not break, and locomotives
run away, and steamboats, explode, more
frequently than they do. And this is
just As true of public and Of social life.
1t is = marved that there arc not more
mistakes made in the presence of = mis-
cellaneous audience, when once we realize
how easy . matter it is to spoil lecture,
concert, or service by the irrelevant in
PRODUCTION Of some lndicrous element.
1t is a great wonder, too, when We re.
member their power. that little children
when in company do not create more
awkward scenes by the Juggling in Of con.
traband subjects OF conversation.
A story is told Of celebrated Ameri.
can preacher who was reprevcd by q
friend because he got Oft so many funny
things from the pulpit.
'keally. now, my dear brother,' said
the friend, II cannst come to hear you
any more until you promise me not to
joke so!'
swell, my dear FRIEND" replied the
preacher, IF you only knew how many
good things came up to the surface which
didn't get off, you would give me credit
for the few which do slip out?''
If, as it has been said, there is some.
thing sad in the sight of large audience,
there arc times when it impresscs the
speaker rather with sense OF the ludic-
rous. People in listening to speaker
try to put on their cleverest look, as if
they understand it all, and when the speak
er himself has lost his subject, nominative
and verb, and feels that he is talking nom
sense for the moment, the unabashed at
tention and wise looks cfhis hearers arc
food for side train of amusing refec.
| tions.
"What did you think of my serm:n!"
asked clergyman Of an intimate friend.
ibid you notice anything curious about
it when l was about halfway through
yesterday artcrnoon!''
He had lost all idea of his third point
in an extcmporancous address, and was
foundering about like Milton's Satan in
the chaotic bog, trying to 60 out on solid
ground again.
"Wcll'' answered the friend, IL thought
something was wrong, but, us Twas sure
you could not lose yourself, concluded l
must have fallen asleep fer a mo.
ment. and thus have lost the thread of
the DISCOURSE
The subject Of professional Blundcrs''
came up at clerical dinner-company
some time ago, and the questions went
round to each as follows: "Were you
ever so placed in public in the perform.
ance of service as to loose all sense of
the solemnity of the occasion and be com.
PEELED to laugh in spite OF your most Sc
rious self!''
The following are some Of the answers,
as revealing the hidden but unforgotten
experiences of ministerial accidents. Case
number one as follows:
81 was holding q prayer.meeting in a
Western town in the early days of my
ministry, and, as there was no one to
raise the tune, tried myself, to do it.
The hymn began
The hyssop purge tile servant, Lord,
And so l clean shall he
My first attempt was a failure; when l
tried tune number two found it was a
long metre; tune number three was
another long metre, and as l had come to
the end Of my stock, stood still for a
few moments looking at the page. There
upon an old woman stood up by the door
and spoke out in shrill. piping voice:
You don't seem to get on very we'll with
hyssop, suppose you try some other yarb!
What could do but burst out with all.
conquering laugh, or die if suppressed
it?''
Here was case number two:
Il was conducting the funeral Of q
parishioner, and, supposing that the
choir was present, gave out the hymn.
No response came. As there was no one
to raise the tune, / boldly esssyed to do
it. But to my horror, found it was too
short for the words; no one could follow
me in my frightening process, so I had
it all my own way, and sang it as a solo.
When came to verse No two, thought
for q long time, snd then, feeling sure
l was right this time, pitched the tune
but it was so high that I could not pre-
tend to follow it, and left it for two o,
three volunteer ladies to carry on as best
they could. But to my dismay, I found
that even this would not do; It was q
long.metre tune to common.metre hymn
aud it come to an ignominious close at thu
end Of the second line. The words were
solemn, the occasion was solemn, I fell
for the mourners, felt for myself. but
wanting to be brave and prevail over thu
difficulty, stood a moment and ther
struck up again. This time [ was dowr
in the very depths in my effort not t
get it too high, and again I was on long
metre, which could not make short
enough for the hymn. Do what I woule
could not tuck it in, and the hymn =
Hear what the voice from heaven declares
is forever ruined for me. No wonder
that family never wanted to have Dr.
at tho funeral of any of their friends"
Case No. 3 was that of very solemn
clergyman and his assistant, who wer'
disturbed in their chancel by miserabl
looking street cat, which had come in b,
some unknown way and was rubbing vi
against their legs, E:e-owing piteously
The rector bcckoned to his assistant t
put the cat out. which he did, but in
few moments she was back again. Upo,
this the very solemn Rector placed tn
poor creature under one Of the heavy box
stools in the chancel, and placing his foo
on this improvised kennel, gave GU
the hymn beginning
A charge to keep have.
The fourth case mentioned was that q
10 Western missionary who vas holdin
service for the first time in frontie
town. A large congregation had gather
ed in the primitive courtroom, and tn
young itinerant was just about to anounc
his text, when tall man, who had bee
playing the melodeon for the extcmpor
ICED choir, pitched back his chair on it
hind legs on the clerks stand immediate
Il, &, fr0nt ne Tho Iu6nosS houch snf