The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-03-03

"Homeward Bound il the beading
over obituary notices in Pomeroy's
Chicago Democrat.
Can the Divorce Court be properly
called Patron Of Husbahdry2
Fresh.-'G wonder why my musiache
ioesn't grow under my nose ~ we'll ~ at
the corners Of my MOUTH" Soph.-"Too
much shade" (Cries of more.)
A Danbury man had a bag of oats
last week, which he calls the Seamless,
~ they won't have to be sown. Some one
-iole them L Danbnry Newr.
They are shipping apples from Grand
Rapids to Rotterdam, Holland. They
pack them so that they won't Rotterdam
bit on the way Detroit Evening News.
A Mexican girl living at Tusceolo
has three we'll developed arms. She can
do up her hair without examining her
mouth foil Of hairpins. 4 Detroit Even
ing News.
Mr.. Entril- has been appointed Pri-
vate Secretary TO Western railroad
president Why wouldn't he be good
man for Secretary Of the Interior N
Y. ComcerciAl Advertiser.
An exchange says: ain orr obituary
notice Of the late Mr.. -, In yesterday
issne, for the phrase che was noble
and pig headed man." read, "he Was a
noble and big hearted man"
A Kentucky Judge has decided that
man has no right-to harness his wife 70 a
pIow, no, not even with mule. And
vet women complain that they have no
rights. T Detroit Evening News.
They are going to explode $4,000 lbs.
of nitroglycerine at He'll Gate next year
say the New York papers. u i' not
wide enough At present to accommodate
the travel from New York and Brooklyn
( Detroit Eve. News.
Women do more head work than men;
that is, il takes some women four hours
to do up their hair for an ev, ming party
while good smart man can do his up
in three hours and fly seconds, easy
LDanbury News.
The time for a man TO stand firmly BY
Jobs example il when he washes his
face with homemade soap and begins 70
paw around over the chairs with his
eyes shut, inquiring for towel, quick,
and is told that the towel is in the draw
or. but the keys are lost -[Glnsgow lky9
| Times.
At the GAINESVILLE (O.) Enterprise
Office once, Geo. MaeClslland, ihe editor
dropped his rule through hole in the
floor. Turning 10 an assistant he asked
Graft, why don't you put little board
over that holsg" 81 think you are a lit-
tie bored over that hole now" was
"Craft's witty rejoinder.
When heavy shower Of rain falla the
hnmming bird will take large leaf,
fasten il over the nest OF her young By
pinning il down with little sticka, and
after the storm has passed she removes
il. sticks and all. and there are her little
ones. cosry and dry.-lOur Dumb Ani-
mails.
aWhen "Epivins," now Of Moundsyii-
To- w. Va, was the city editor Of the
wheeling Register, he wrote one even
ing; sTo. day is ths anniversary Of the
death Of Louie Philip" When the
proofenme mp the name read "sam Phil
lip..p "Spiv." thought mere note Of
the mistake would be sufficient, and 90
he wrote on the margin: "Who the h--ll
il Sam Phillips7" Next morning the
item came out: To-day il the anuivcr'
aarv Of the death Of Sam Phillips. Whc
the h-u is sam Phillips "sPiv."
didnt say a word about il to any body.
IL is great year Tor the old man.-
Grandfather who have been neglected
and made 20 feel that they were in TIE
way. and wished they were dead, who
have long been thrust away In the kiieh-
on and left 10 humble to themselves iu
the chimney corner, are astonishod BY
being brushed up Of an evening and
brought into the parlor, where they ar'
shown of to the company a. Centennial
rslics. "Grandfaiher. you knew Wash
ington, didn't your screams . grand
daughter In his ear. for he ia very deaf
ayes. yes. says grandfather, "lha Gin'Fel
borer'd a ehAW terbaeceF Of me many
and many a timsW The old man 10 60
ing to Philadelphia, sure.