The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-12-09


skeleton in the interest Of science, give
him our skull to carry about with him
and exhibit as the remains OF the head OF
a man who never told lie--who always,
after using his little Ratchet upon the
cherry trees In his path, promptly de-
clared, in imitation OF the Washington:
III did it, said the sparrow, with my
bow and arrow. kill Jack Robin"
With a skull OF this description Comings
would soon outshine Cummings, and
make fortune.
DIR. Cummings, In his lecture on
Success" commended the bold and in
telligent press OF Cairo. He meant the
Sun. We know he did. It's bold. The
sheep upon ten thousand hills are not
holder. IT is intelligent. There is moth.
ing that it can't comprehend with ease
absolutely nothing. 1t knows, having,
IN the language Of the doctor, evolved
the fact out of its inner consciousness,
that two and two are tour, If they are
not counted backward, or divided in the
middle like the hair OF first-class clerk
who has achieved success by his good
looks and promising to give his lady
transformers little presents on Saturday
afternoons. The doctor had evidently
gazed in admiration upon the broad
brow Of the divine Davis who lie the
hrt srht "a,
The lecture of DR.. Cummings on
Success has fixed us. We have be-
come a convert to bis methods and, de-
string to become great thinker, have
turned our bed chamber into thought
room, in which, surrounded by books
that talk through their covers, we permit
the physic force to 60 out from us, and
evolve, by repetition, thoughts that must
live through the cycles, as we reason up
from small point to the earth revolving
around the sun, and the sun revolving
around another sun, and go on ad infni-
tin. All OF which goes to prove that If
the members of the woman's club had 80
cial equality with man they would not
need to vote !; and that the way to sue
coed in life is to get little tadpole and
put it in little dish and that little dish
into cigar box covered with glass, and
slides and all such things.
We like Capt. Hambletons solution
OF the political problem. "You say" he
says, THAT the Democrats have quarter
Of million Of a popular majority ?"
"Yes," is the reply to this innocent
question. "Then," says the captain,
there can be no difficulty in putting
Tilden into the white house. On the
morning OF the 4th OF March, let each
Democrat catch Republican and hold
him. After the last Republican has
been caught in this way, there will be
two hundred and fifty thousand Demo-
Gratis with nothing to do but inaugurate
Tilden, and set the old thing to going
under Democratic supervision" After
all this has been done the Radicals may,
the captain assures US, be let go without
greatly endangering anything. excepting
such things as may be left incautiously
lying around loose.
DIR. Cummings, in his great lecture
on Success said that q lady who
wanted new hat from her husband.
should feed him well; and while the
viands were passing down his we'll
pleased throat, should pass around his
chair, stir up his back hair with her hand,
and say to him: "How you hold your
age. would not be ashamed to walk
down the street with you if had new
hat" "This," said DR.. Cummings, twill
always fetch new hat" The doctor
used this language before the Woman's
Club on Thursday night. Yesterday
morning many OF the husbands of the
city had an extra fine breakfast, had their
back hair stirred up and heard the words
about the hat. The consequence was that
all day yesterday there was a constant
stream of husbands flowing into Mrs.
Williamson's establishment for the pur.
pose of buying their wives hats. Mrs.
williamson, whose stock of hats is very
fine, has reason to thank DR.. Cummings
tor his hint that success in hat-gettins
can be assured by the simple little trick
bleeding husbands well and stirring their
back hair.
We publish this morning a commu.
nication from woman on "woman's
work." The woman Of this cOmmunica-
ton hurls little pebble at the centennial
women of this city and big rock at the
women OF the "Woman's Club and Ii
brary Association The W. &. and l..
a. is what OK. Y. "" is after. That
is clear. We believe she does it Injustice
Her complaint seems to be that the W.
&. and l.. A. does not often enough tell
the public what it ID doing with its
money. We have been instructed to
say by member of the Cuba member
who has habit OF getting in a good
deal OF effective "woman's work" abou,
this establshment-that il is nobody's
business what the w. c. and l.. A. Is do.
ing wi tn its own money. We have been
further directed 10 remark, that the w
G. and l.. A. has no money that the pub.
lie has any right to know anything about
The money the w. c. and l.. A. has or
hand, the members of the w. c. and l.
A. contributed and obtained by giving tC
the public value received. The W. G.