Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1876-08-30
VARIETY AND HUMOR.
Shooting stars-a stage duel.

Inc sultan gets drunk on absintho
and monrns for his uncle. Yet its
said abslnthe conquers love.
The st. Louis Republican hits the
weather-beaten atmosphere good ran
by remarking that the prodigal sun has
returned.
Peruvian bark can be taken with
impunity, but the Peruvians who took
An English bark with it's sailors and
cargo find that it is hardly a tonic.
The Kelley motor has succeeded
at last-in getting up a lawsuit. A
case involving 200 shares of stock in
the concern is being tried at Philadel.
phia.
WHY
Can You tell why
The hypocrite's eve
Can better descry
Than You or
On how many toes pussy-cat goes,
The man of deceit
Can best counterfeit
And so suppose can best count her toes.
The receiver of the Townsend
Savings Bank, of New Haven, Conn.
has lately received 5000 for 500, 900
loan, made some years ago to Ethel C.
Hine, of New York, now a bankrupt
AT the time the loan was made it was
secured by note for S75, 900, and hy
securities of the face value of 1920, 600,
but now "not worth q cent"
The authorities took a poor man
from Conley's Patch one day last week.
and sent him out to the Poor House.
The parting between the poor man and
his eleven dogs, which he distributed
among his sympathi2ing relatives, was
affecting in the extreme. We believe
the man had "A few children. too. but
not enough to make Il ass about -
Chicago Times.
He loafs around San Jose twelve
months in year, but lie "can talk"
And because he can talk the City
Council thought to utilize him little,
and therefore invited him to deliver
the last Fourth of July GRAFTON. The
orator consented to the arrangement,
and spread the eagle ON the day named
all over 20X40-foot stage until every
thing fairly squeaked and screamed.
But now comes the sequel--this UNI
tanned Californian has presented the
Council with bill demanding 81 900
for his eloquence.
All the Western aunts did not 90
to Philadelphia to spend the summer.
A few myriads of the little red kind
staid home and colonized on the pan
try shelves Of the vast, illimitable,
changing West, and their unerring in
stinct leads them direct to the sugar
bowl and sirup pitcher, just the same
as 1t did when our ancestors saw their
struggling forms rise from the dis
solving sweetness and float ON top of
the breakfast coffee 100000 years
ago. Home without "a mother is desc
late and lonesome, but home without
red ants in the pantry is an impossi-
Dility -Burlington HaDk-Eye.
"A prominent citizen rushed into
one of our large dry goods stores and
stopped at the button counter; he had
a small sample of brown silk in his
hand, and he asked the smiling clerk
If he had any buttons to match that.
"Plenty, SIR" was the answer, "will
you have them by the gross" No,
sirp roared the citizen, want them
by the bushel-cart-load | want
them sent mp in wagons, and backed
into my cellar till it is full and run
ming over. Pm sick of hearing
john, did you match those but
tonsy ! am not going to spend the
rest of my days running round trying
to match impossible colors There's
my chick, but | tell you / won't feel
like myself till I've laid in my winters
supply of buttons. "--Chicdgo Journal.
"A young man in the Sixth District
had parted his faxen locks in the most
impartial manner; if there was hair
more on one side Of his head than on
the other the difference could not be
observed He had a tolerable good
tenor voice, and he had mastered a
new song The moonlight shone
brightly down on the greensward in
front Of the residence which held the
maiden Of his heart. The youth crept
softly up a garden walk, and let out
his soul in the melody, Darling, Pm
waiting for thee, waiting for thee"
He had hardly completed the second
chorus when window-blind was eau
tiously opened, something white was
seen by the light of the moon, and an
oldish voice, not in harmony with the
music, said, at is all right, young
man; but you needn't wait any longer.
Marian has gone to bed. "-NeW Or
leans Republican.
An honest man stepped into an
office yesterday, says the Burlington
Hazok-Eye, and offered to pay his bill,
and his creditor babe him wait for
receipt. He got along very well writ
ing out statement Of the account,
and then he hesitated. He skipped a
line and signed the receipt, and
scratched his head and waited. He