Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-05-12
FACT AND FANCY.

When hornet stings IL is at the expense
Of his life. What pity all scandal mong.
ers we're not hornets.
1t was reserved for the New Bedford Mer-
curry TO discover that Mr.. Parton took step
father than the law allows.
A lady in Kalamazoo, Mich, has the pho
tographs OF her three departed lords in
group, with vignette Of herself in the
center, and underneath is the inscription,
The Lord will provide"
SO the gentleman from Virginia thinks
Mr.. Blaine's Pharisee, does he? Well,
before the elections over, Mr.. Blaine will
make the gentleman from Virginia Sad.usee
if he don't-M Y. Com. Ado.
Josh Billings says: 1.-The mewl is a
larger burd than the guse or turkey. lthas
two legs to walk WITH and two more to kick
with, and it wears its wings on the side Of
its he'd"
Winslow, the forger, has been in great de-
mand, but it is doubtful If there will be an
extra 'dition Of him.
Professor Tyndall has been offered bar
onetcy because he wrote tretise on Sound"
~ Y. Herald
A Michigan man died the other day of
"rheumatism Of the tongue"
Landlord, didn't you ever have a gen.
tleman stop with you before ?" "Are you
a gentleman 2" Eyes, | am" Then
never had one stop with me BEFORE"
"Be social with your CATTLE" says the
American Agriculturist That's 50 there's
nothing like dropping in now and then for a
ten minutes chat with the COWS, or having
the pigs in to lunch occasionally.
A Chicago boy who has been sitting up
nights reading pirate stories called his father
to supper the other day, by bawling out:
"What no, here, base craven Come hither
to thy vesperian hash" And when that ia
ther aud that son came together it sounded
as if the butt had slipped off twcniy-fort
fly wheel.
"And you think, darling, you could be
content to share my humble lot and live in
quiet way with love and me-" queried the
blisslu lover, as he looked fondly into her
translucent blue eyes. "Why, yes, precious,
you have no idea how economical | am. Pa
gave me 500 last week to buy now silk,
and saved enough out of it to purchase
four pairs of six. buttoned kids" The last
heard of that young man, his doctor had
ordered him to the Black Hills for his
health.
Two Pennsylvania tramps stopped at the
house Of lone widow, and one went in to
beg. Very soon he came out with bloody
onl trsN a. 81, oil
you get anything, Jack ?" EYES," growled
the sufferer, "l've got the widows might"
My son." said Boston parent as his Is
years old offspring stood, carpet-bag in hand,
upon the threshold, "you are going to the
centennial. Promise me that, during your
absence, you will shun bad company and
keep your feet from the doors OF ale.houses
and biliard-saloous." "Eather," replied
the young man, with the memory of the
last caucus floating through his mind, al
cannot. | 60 uninstructed and unpledged."
One of the boys just before returning to
Cornell, the other day sent young lady
friend Of his, cake of Lubin's finest variety
of toilet soap, with the request that she
would draw no inference on receiving such a
gift. The next day the young man was
somewhat astonished when he received let
ter from the young lady containing pres
ent of fine-tooth comb, with the request
that he would draw no inference therefrom.
Man is by no means the only social being
on the earth. The trees, the grass, the birds
animals aud insects are all better protected
aud provided for, as species, in company with
each other, than il each species held posses
sion of the world alone.
A true American is too proud to beg, and
too honest to steal he gets trusted,
The faculty of Dartmouth college have
suspended five Of the editors Of the Dart.
mouth, the college paper, for publishing
communication contrary to their prohibition.
The article questioned the propriety Of con-
ierring upon the graduates of the agricuI-
tural college, which has three years course
of study, the same degree as upon the gradu-
ates of the scientific department, which has
a course of four years The Dartmouth has
been private enterprise this year, the edit
ors, not the college, being the proprietors;
hence the editors claimed that the paper
was not a subject for censorship by the au.
thorties. Their suspension will continue
until they change their views.
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