The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1876-02-24
ODDS AND ENDS.

SAlD young lauy udu III Ears
bored for the benefit of my eyes" Said
another: at had mine bored for the
benefit of my husbands eyes.
A LIQUOR dealer in Lowell, Mass, ad-
yertised free lunch. A lady took lot
OF hungry children to his shop and de-
manded a free dinner for the entire
party.
THE Newark revival movement is
daily gaining in strength. Even the
sewing machine agents and lightnlng-rod
men are now beginning to show hopeful
signs of conversion.
IT was Ajax who defied the lightning,
but it's only the man who tries to
straighten a stoyepipe elbow with
hatcnet that can manage to knock
thunder out Of joint.
PRINTED signs of Heaven is our
Home" may be hung in every room in
the house, yet man will speak up
promptly and emphatically when he
can't find the boot.jack.
For from the crushed aowersof glad
ness on the road of life sweet perfume
is waited over to the present hour, as
marching armies often send out from
heaths the fragrance OF trampled plants.
aYouNa man, said the judge. " did
YOU steal that piece of hardware? z " No,
sir.n replied the prisoner; don't steal
hardware. That isn't in my line OF
business; chickens and coal are in my
line"
4 LADY was observed at a Boston
restaurant the other day, sta lding over
the register eating an ice cream her
physician had doubtless let fall the goi,
der maxim, "Keep the feet warm and
the head COOL"
A CERTAIN doctors wife here, says
New York gossip, is very conspicuous on
most occasions ffom her wonderful head
of milk white hair. Elaborately pulled
and frizzed it makes her youthful face
still more youthful.
VAN PELT-oh, yes-you remember
Van Pelt, the converted saloon keeper
who emptied his beer barrels at the feet
of the Ohio crusaders. Well-he's just
been awarded five years in the Missouri
penitentiary for buggy stealing.
IHAyE not SO great struggle with my
vices. great and numerous as they are as
| T have with my impatience. Ny e1orts
are not absolutely useless, yet l have
| never been able to conquer this ferocious
wild beast.
AN enthusiastic young merchant OF
Ogdensburg, a few evenings ago IN
.seTenade to his inamorata, thus Ieeordeo
his high resolves: "Pll chase che ante-
lone over the plain, and the wild spring
chicken I'll bind with chain; ana .ne
canlifower, so fierce and neat, III give
thee fora nosegay sweet.
DREAM OF A SPELLING BEE.
| ,fa,.,,or;ss where sleuth-hounds earacole,
| NWhera iaeusf phalanx and phlegmatc gun
i I;ght ntasrmiean and kestrels cheek by 1oWi
/ With peewit and precocious cockatoo'
| Gaunt seueschals, in crotchety cockades,
With seine net trawl for porpoise in iagoons
| While scullions gauge erratic eseaPaaqss
| of madrepores in water-logsed sAneons
r.n,hovant triutychs groined with gherkins green
In reckless fracas with coquettish Dream,
| Ecstatic garpoyles, with grotesque enagIia,
he;a Garns6 tie gruesome nightmare of my dream h
INSTEAD of fooling away their tune on
the cashiers OF COuhoiJ q 4r~x,
glars. if they were smart, would turn
Their attention to the Bank OF FRANCE,
who're there is sS55, ,000, 900 in gold All
thew would have to do would pc 70 ges
| it out of the vaults.
! A BosroN pawnbroker has got lnpo
trouble by receiving stolen dog. lou
NAV steal a Bostonian's diamond pm,
hurry off his youngest boy for Charley
Ross. and forge away his entire pank az az
count, @ but Just lay your hand on z ms :
valuable dog if you want TO oiscosei 'n'
spirit of Bunker Hill.
i JAMES RUSSELL LowELIs idea Of % ene
problem: every man has his 6loek
piyen him, and the figure he cuts VIII de-
5end very much upon the shape OF tnat
upon the knots and twists wnlGn aa
existed in it from the beginning. we
were designed in the cradle, perhaps
earlier and it is in finding out this design
and shaping themselves to it that our
years are spent wisely. 1t is the VAN en-. m
deayor to make ourselves what we are
not that has strewn history with 50 many
broken purposes and lives left IN the
rough.