The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-05-12

AN Incorporate printer Is a typo
graphical errer.
CAPTURED battle flags should be Of
subdued colors.
Books most influenced by hard times
are pocket-books.
"V. r. b. E. /. I" are the new initials
of the Queen" Victoria Regina Britain
ni9 ct Indorum Imperatrix.
THERE are more dinners spoiled by
the bad temper of husbands than by the
poor cooking of wives.
AUNT Gin alarm Surely you've
eaten enough, haven't you, Tommy9"
Tommy Tin doubt)-" Fffeel me
LET the youth who stands at bar with
glass of liquor in his hand consider
which he had better throw away-the
liquor or himself.
WASHINGTON has now got to be city
of considerable sighs which doubtless
accounts, says Spillzins, for making il
once more the All, me! headquarters.
The Britons whisper confidentially to
each editor "Hif this Weston is such
bloody Immense pedestrian, why
doesn't e foot is hexpenses, you Enow9'
A MASSACHUSETTS girl had an attach
! ! of the lock-jaw from using chewing gum
| After the physician had given her up,
somebody called her red headed" and
that cured her.
&c DOESN'T want no lawyer. I'se
gwine to tell the troof dis time, is what
a regular customer at the Recorders
court told his honor, when that func-
tionary inquired if he had engaged legal
assistance AntoniO Herald.
Why the English should be continual
ly singing "God save the Queen" is
more than reasonable man can conjec-
trire. It is always advisable TO save the
Jack; but the queen only counts two
for game, and is always good card to
throw away.
SOME people seem to be extremely
sensitive. At one of the churches, Sun
day, the minister read the prayer for q
person in deep afiiiction, and man who
had Just been married got up and went
sympathy obtruded on him in that way.
-NOraoich Bulletin.
SCENE on an English railway train
No. L" Rather remarkable, amt it,
sir? But ave you never noticed as
mostly all the places on this line begins
with an 'H2'" No. 2-"Aw-'beg
your pardon" No. l." Look at 'em.
'Ampstead, Tghgate, 'Ackney, 'Omer-
ton, 'Endon, Arrow, 'Olloway, aud 'Orn-
sey."-P,nch.
PROVIDENCE is at war with hair dye,
and sooner or later Furnishes the man
who uses it. "Bill Smalley," shrieked
Kansas belle, suddenly jerking her
shoulder from under her lovers head
and spilling him ignominiously ON the
floor, "you can't make piller of me NO
more-your hair smells like old iron
films. "-Bro0kiyn Argus.
sNOw-FIAKEs.
Whenever q snowflake leaves the sky,
II turns and turns to say Goodbye!
Goodbye, dear cloud, 80 cool and gray!"
Then lightly travels on its way.
And when snowflake fnds a tree,
'.Good-day /" IL says" Good-day to thee."
Thou art 30 bare and lonely, dear,
I'll rest and call my comrades here.7
But when a snowflake. brave and meek,
Lights a rosy maidens cheek,
II starts" How warm and soft the day
II is summer "-and IL melts away.
ST. Nicholas for May
DOhlNt Vic uL.ALlhB iahh ycoooAuuy -
Woodward avenue car jumped the track
and almost struck the curbstone. Tho
driver said he'd have it back on the track
in about minute, but the only lady ON
the Car at once stepped off into the rain.
"Youn get wet-y6u'd better stay in
side," called the driver. "Never mind
the rain, she pleasantly replied. "The
car is off the track, and don't wish to
remain where my presence would act as
check on any emphatic remarks which
those half-dozen gentlemen may desire
to make. detroit Free Press.
A YOUNG blood of San Francisco,
much given to quizzing people, went
into q restaurant the other day, and with
a great flourish took seat at one of the
tables. A waiter approached. "What
have you got to eat 2" asked the custom
er. "Oh, got almost everything"
"You have, eh2" "Yes, sir" al
most everything; will you give me- q
plate of that I" he said, looking earnest
" at the waiter. The waiter returned
his gaze, and, catching the fellows idea
of qIizzing him, he yelled to the cook
Mt the further end of the room: Zone
plate of hash Z"