Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-05-04
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.


The ascents of honor, however steep,
never appear inaccessible.
There is no evil under the sun more
intolerable than ultra politeness.
The good Of mans life cannot be
measured by the length OF his funeral
| procession.
Money can't defeat justice, but it can
generally beat the opposing counsel, and
| that's the next best thing.
"A religious paper published in Ten
nessee says: Those of our subscribers
who pay promptly are marked as Chris
The proverb says, /" Laugh and grow
fat" What saving of corn it would be
If pigs could laugh, is the reflection OF
somebody.
The first vote ever cast in Cincinnati
by an American citizen of Chinese birth
was polled recently at the municipal elcc-
ton by a Chinaman named Joseph Sing.
With quickened pulse the streams are racing
Zach other down 10 the sea;
And the binds laugh to burst while the Gun Is
The host q winter away.
-"Vill you dake somedings" said
| German teetotaler to friend, while stand
ing near tavern. - don't care il 4 DO"
was the reply. "Vell, den, let us tax
Walk"
"A New Orleans girl who had an offer
OF marriage from a Mr.. Moore, wrote him
anote asking time to consider the matter,
| and closed her communication with " No
more at present"
-" About this time look out for colds"
| But il Is not necessary. The man who
cannot catch cold without looking out
for IL hasn't enterprise enough to sneeze
| ii he should catch ones
--Mistresscs show more consideration
| for their servants than is generally sup
! posed. Not long ago Mrs. Fidgitt was
| heard telling Mary Ann that she had been
securing the whole house for her,
A man who contracted debt OF 81, i43
| promised to pay il in two iDstallments.
| Last week he forwarded Sill, and prom
ised to send the other $43 AS soon as the
times get better. --N0rrtst0pn Herald.
Elderly agriculturst to season. ticket.
holder on the train: "lou don't have no
ticketf" "No, | travel on my good
looksr' "Then," after looking him over.
probably you amt going very far"
General smile.
The leading men of both parties in
Henniker, n. H., have signed an agree
effect that candidates for Representatives
and town officers are 10 be taken equally
from each party.
"A Preston man has been missing for
three days and, as he was recently mar
ricd, grave doubts exist as to whether he
is sitting round in hay lott somewhere,
meditating ON the price of spring bonnets,
or has merely drowned himself N0yDieh
Bulletin.
A blacksmith IN Humboldt County,
Cal, offered himself rs bail Tor a prisoner
whose trial was nut of till the next term.
"Are YOU surely worth $500 above all
| your debtsg' inquired the Recorder.
why, sir, hold my wife to be worth
$500 without counting the property"
| The Court Is satisfied take the bail re-
| piled the Recorder.
| 1t is well enough % tolk Of eevanng
| the tone of social conversation, but when
a wellmeaning young man tries TO intro
| duce protoplasm as a subject, ut a little
| gathering, and finds that everybody thinks
| he Is referring to Ii new kind OF plaster,
| and considers him indelicate In doing
| so, he Is apt 10 feel that the life Of the
reformer Is kind of perpetual picnic on
| an ant-hill.--St. Louts RepubIican.
-Schopenhauer, the German philoso-
| pher, was accustomed to placed gold-piece
| by the side OF his plate rs he sat down TO
| dinner, carefully pockcting ii again when
he had done eating Several noble officers
| one day asked him jestngly what was tho
| reason Of his curious action. He replied:
~ have vowed to give this golden piece
to beggar the day you and your col
leagues stop talking abou. women ana
horses. | have been waiting ten years"
Perry township, Berks County, Pa,
lays claim 10 the healthicst man OF his
age, and probably the healthiest man In
the State. lie Is seventy odd years old,
never rode in the cars, and says he never
will His morning abuiions are per
formed at q spring SOM. fifty yards distant
from his residence, which he visits, rain or
slime without shoes or hat on. During
the winter season he breaks the ice with
his bare feet lie possesses an erect, robust
and healthy frame.
The Police Magistrate at Hamilton,
Can, has delivered judgment that puts
him at least on par with Solomon In all
his legal glory. Two men disputed the
Ownership Of valuable carrier-pigeOn,
and each produced the most complete evil
dence To establish his claim and disproyo
that OF his opponent. A happy thought
struck the Magistrate If 1t Is your
bird !" lac said 10 one claimant, +" 1t will
know the way home" The sutton re-
piled that II would. A similar question
TO the other party in the case evoked the
same reply. "Then," said the Courttothe
Sergeant who had the bird in custody,
" let II go, and it will find its way home"
And the bird and the case were simulta-
neously thrown out Of court
"A few days ago a cat and kitten were
presented To a lady, who conveyed them
to the store OF Mr.. Edwards, for the pur-
pose of having them taken into the country.
They were sent down on the train Mon
day afternoon to Santa Clara ON the
Southern Pacific Railroad, and deposited
in residence in that town. Yesterday
morning, before the train from that sta
ton had arrived In this city. the cat wan
dcred into the house OF It's first owner In
this city. presenting a tired and WORKOUT
appearance. inquiry revealed the fact
that cat ard kitten were nowhere to be
seen about the Santa Clara House yester-
day morning, and 1t Is presumed that the
cat carried the kitten part Of the distance,
and left II 10 its fate, completing is lonely
| journey OF forty nine miles in the dark.
| The cat will remain in the family. Sun
| FTaactsco Chronicle.