New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-02-03

Mr.. Bilderback, We feel authorized to
state. will not attend div ne service this
morning. The old geu,l uan is, we are
panied to learn, aaborlng under very dis
tressing frame of mind, being greatly in
censed against churches on general princi
pies. He doesn't like to talk about the
matter. but we learned all abUnt it, DESPITE
his reiicence. 1t seems that last Sunday
morning he was doing C mfortably in his
pew, in the church of v hicL be is one of the
main sieepers, when he b,came aware of
an apparitiOn gliding sol mnly down the
aisle with coll-ction basket IN it's hand.
MIR. Bilderback braced up into an erect DOS
ture. cleared his throat il ponderous tone
of Roman tirmness, as one " no should saw
Who's been asleepl' and as the basket
was extended toward him, he ielt in his
trousers pocket Tor his wallet. 1t wasn't
there, and as he WI hdrew his
hand and telt in the other pocket, he felt
that the eyes Of the congregation were
upon him, and that W 10 all he fit for he
certainly didn't feel any pocket book He
nodded the basket man to wait a second.
and leaned over to the lett while he felt in
the light inside pocket OF his coat, from
which, in his increasing nervousness, he
drew halt dozen ches; nuts. which rolled
over the floor with a rattle that sounded in
his hot ears like the lhunders of the Apoc-
alypse, and made them hotter still Then
he leaned over the end of the pew and felt
In the other inside coat pocket and drew
out bandle of letters, q lot Of postal
cards, circus ticket, a photograph of an
actress, funny story printed on a card,
a pocket-comb and q long string, and
bis face grew 50 hot his breath felt
like hOt-air blast. Then he squared his
elbows and went for his vest pocketa.
ana strewed the pew cushion with quill
tooth picks, newspaper scraps, street-ca
checks. u shoe buttOn-r, some lead pencil
stubs, and crumb,ng indications of chew
ing tobacco. bit OF sealing wax, piece of
hcOrice root about an inch long. and three
or four torches. Then he leaned forward.
and stnng to madness by the smiles which
were breaking out all around that church
worse than the measels in n primary scho i
room, dived into his cOa'-tail pock.ts
and drew forth red silk handkerchief.
Two apples, spectacle-case, q pair OF dog
tk'n gloves, an OvercOat button, and n fac
assortment OF bits OF dried orange peel and
lint Then he stood up, devoutJy pray
lng that an earthquake nigh. come along
ana swallow either HIM the rest Of the |
congregation, he didn't much Care which,
and went down INTO iis hip pockets from
Which he evolved q revolver, u cork |
screw, cigar-case, piece of string, |
q memorandum book and pocket knife |
By this time Mr.. Bid. rbaCk's face WAS |
scarlet clear down 10 his walst and he was |
SO ner> GUS and worked up that he nearly |
shock his clothes off, while the man with |
The basket couldn't have moved away If he
had died for staying. Aud when Mr. Bill |
ierback, in fOrloin despair. once NOR,
-ammed his hand into his trous. rs pocket
v here he had began the search, tn. con.
held it's breath, End when Mr..
}ilderback drew forth the very pocket
book, which he had mlss.d in his first care
ess search, and had since all but stripped
% fhd, there was a sigh Of reliet went up
rom every devout heart in that house.
But MIR. Bilderback only dropped into his
Sat with an abruptn-ss that made the
windows rattle, and registered q mental
'ow that he wasn't going to come out to
hurch again to be made fool Of by Q man
Nth long-handled dsrning bssket.-Bur-
ngtos Harkeye