The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-09-15

and toe the markl'
Charles Henry kicked the anvil off
the block as she kicked his ribs, but she |
kicked the hardest and when the horse
shoer stuck his head into the shop, the |
horse was half over bench, but as quiet |
as lamb.
Now proceed" said the woman, as
she picked mp her pipe. "When a hoss
goes to fooling around me and itching
for row, he's laying up sorrow for his
gray hairs!"-[ Detroit Free Press.
Hard TO beat-Boiled eggs.-[Hart-
ford Times.
When ought mariners to have fruit at
sea? When they stem the currents.
A cargo can be fonnd best when 1t is
York
Graphic
"a prudent man." Gays witty
Frenchman, sis like pin; his head pre-
vents him from going too far"
A lad from the Ridge was in town
Saturday to inquire when the Fall term
opened at the cemetery Rome Senti-
mel
Call the next baby Elaine, after Ten
nyson's heroine Then, when she is
cross, call her the Madelaine.-[Globe-
Democrat.
You want nothing, do you?" said
Pat. "Bedad. an if its nothing ye want
yell find it in the jug, where the whis-
key was"
When young lady. and gentleman
have controversy about kissing, they
generally put their heads together
[Norristown Herald.
The Buffalo Express seriously asseyer-
ates that the papers before the Scientific
Convention in that city have an average
weight of ii pound to the square inch
\ Reading man has written an essay
on ':Bustles." And some bustles project
sufficiently to enable man to write an
essay on 'e,H very easily y.-Norristown
Herald
All Jams is the name of Chinaman
in Nevada He is addicted to the flow.
ing bowl, and some days it is impossible
to recognize him from his brother Jim
Jams Norristown Herald.
"a Miss Post is the relgning beauty at
Newport, and all the young men want to
tie to her" This is generally the fate
Of rail pretty girl, and she has no de.
fence Norristo IN Herald.
1t is not believed that there il an art.
ist in the world who can catch the ex.
preston of a woman's face as she puts
her nose into the milk-jug and finds thai
the thunder has soured the contents.
Medical men say that when a man ii
full of whiskey he can't freeze, and ap
pearances indicate that large number
of our citizens are expecting a mighty
cold snap, says the Fulton Times.
appearances are deceitful At camp
meeting it is difficult to tell from tn.
background whether the man on tht
front seat is shouting glory or has jus
sat down on tack T Norwich Bulletin
\ Western girl visited a music stor'
and asked for The Heart Boiled Down
with Grease and Care" and when
Swallowed Homemade Pies" Th
clerk at once recognized what she desir
ed.
A Saratoga letter writer asks, in des
pairing tones, "Where are the men?
We don't know, dear, just where all o
them are, but from our sanctum windo,
we just now saw six of them file aroun,
behind the screen of a sample room owe
the way.-[ Burlington Hawk-Eye.
The stern sense of Justice and righ
that resides in the Western mans bosor
was never more beautifully or forcibl
illustrated than at Waupun, Wis,
few days ago, when a visiting bra,
band Fond du Lac went flying throug
the principal stree: closely pursued by
. shower of last years eggs New Yer
Commercial Advertiser.
= Mr.. Butler was tavern keeper, stag,
: driver, constable and factotum of tn
g town. There was no appeal from h
j. Judgment in horse flesh. A dealer wan
ed to sell the Rev. Mr. Mcclure hors
t, The dealer, the minister, and the hor,
y walked over to get Mr.. Buffers opinio
}. of the trade. Looking at the horse, Il
a. tavern keeper asked, "What is the ma
ter with his knees?" "Oh! nothing" sai
r the jockey, "he scraped himself gettir
IT up" "Well, parson," said Butler, a,
dressing Mr.. Mcclure, "I'll tell you VIII
d it is: barked knees may be a pretty GOO
n sign for minister, but it is plagu,
re poor sign for a hoss.
III \ beer brewer has patented ne
'l beverage called "Jewish beer" ii
IL brews it himself, you know.-[N.
- Com. Adv. Don't Jewish you had som
" + Boston Globe. Shame! This Isra,
W ly too bad.--[ Worcester Press. b
VI Judears people, the beer lsraelite a
eS and PLEASANT Providence Journal.
Scribes, cease this Babylon. You
ed serve Canaan fpr your Levite-y.
it Boston Adv. Jerusaleml what swI
sh jews d'esprit. Moses "a bad as if
er. had perpetrated them oursslves.-tN
ristown Herald.