The Ottawa free trader., 1876-11-04
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.


ouent taunt OF beng like jim Blane-too eco
nomical of the truth,
Flowers, the bogus soldier, who started th'
story that Tilden cursed him because ne h"'
served his country in the Union army &c, turii
out to be a first class tramp and notorious "deao
beat" He decamped from Detroit recently Dc
tween two days, leaving numerous unpaid pii's
and now the republicans dolefully sing: where
are the Flowers" &c.
Does It not look queer to see professed re
publican, independent, greenoack o9opGf gei
rejoicing over democratic vlctoTleS IN e"to'o
Bulletin.
No. It shows that he prefers that honest mar
should triumph over thieves! See 1t, Mr.. BuAe
tin?
The republican newspapers,i in speaking of jim
Blaine, call him the Maine statesman. YES,
answers our hibernian cOmpositor, ard dang
mans (mean) one he is tool"
Notwithstanding the bank of England makes
fifteen millions yearly, clear, yet we have "nev'
er taken any stock in that concern" so to speak
If il were TO "bust" tomorrow we wouldn't owe
it cent.
Ordy, pedestrian who claims to hail from
Philadelphia, walked seven miles in the PARK
Saturday afternoon in 67 minutes.-Stredt0r fret
Press.
II those fellows who are so desrous OF show
ing their endurance and speed as walkers, would
walk on a tread mill for grinding feed for cattle
churning, running saw mill, hoisting coal, or
some useful enterprise, how glad we should be
TO chronicle their achievements! As 1t is, any
mention Of them, is useless waste OF printers
time, to say nothing of the readers patience.
The New York Mail swears to a dog that
knows thief on sight. Just heaven! how such
q beast would scatter republican meeting IN
Springfield -RegiSter.
Mrs. Stanton declares that Rev, DR.. Levin. OF
Cleveland seized William Lloyd Garrison by his
weyeloped nose and hauled him around the
street on account of difference OF opinion
about Bible text, and that Garrison didn't ike
it.-EI.
Some people have no appreciation of a pract-
cal joke.
The Bureau Co. Tribune in mentioning the re-
turn from the centennial of republican editor
says: "He looks as happy as Tilden rooster"
While this is extremely and undeservedly Halter.
ing to the radical editor, it is an insult to every
rooster in the land!
The editor Of the Henry RepuJliedn is most
distressingly humorous man. There is something
in his peculiar style Of wit that Is indescribabe
it would make a tombstone laugh. We warn
him against being as funny as he can" Here
is one of his inimitable puns:
A little daughter of Michael Shock, of Hennc-
pin, shocking to relate, met with shocking ac-
cident last week the little Shock falling down n
,a11u ataira o
erwise lnuiing her. The shock was terrible
one but The shockinCly shocked Shock Is likely
TO recover.
franklin Grove is to have a night police
Wonder how the Reporter editors can get Their
chickens now ?-DiDoH SUM-
Being democrat we do not know. We refer
the subject to Belknap, Blaine or any prominent
member Of the whisky ring.
The New York Tin,es is not easily perplexcd; ;
but 1t is embarrassed by an obscurty in one OF
the Rev. DR.. Talmage's sermons. The great dl-
yIne said with all the indignant eloquencc Of
his arms and legs, that ship once sailed from
Boston, on board OF which were three mission
aries and A,O0O gallons Of rum. What the Times
can't find out ia, whether there was too much
rum for the missionaries or too much mission
aries for the rum.
Do you know that unless Hayes is elected the
country Will be in a sorry state !-hddaH co..
Record
No. But in that case his state will be in a
sorry country.
I'm man OF very 1uet tastes" said he as
he went behind the door and tasted something
" Y. GTuphic
But when he came out did he laud himself rs
70, adnrg and delicate
fumes?
Great Salt lake Is over foot higher than 1t
was one year ago, and is slowly but steadily rls-
ing.-EL.
This leoks omnous for Brigham Young's
wives. Lot was turned into a pillar Of salt and
Brigham's may meet an equally salty fate. Can
it be that salt will cure the evils OF polygamy!
"He was tee.totaier' and president OF the
American Temperance Union. Mr.. Seward once
asserted that the Chancellor and certain cele.
brated statesman OF New York drank more
brandy and water than any two other men IN the
state. When called to explain this apparent
slander on the Chancellor, he said the latter
drank the water and the other the brandy
A Vermont marble dealer is offering TO take
orders payable when Hayes and Wheeler are
elected. Now's the time for the republican par
ty TO order It's grayestono.
solnoquy by tipper-The public always no.
tices you when you have been drinking, and
never when YOU are thirsty.
The emiuently respectable editor Of the Phil
adephia Lo7qer, fond as he is o! boss Grant, Is
completely disgusted with Bob Ingersoils
speeches, which he styles low bunoonery, hip-
pant scurrllity, and that ribaldry which shocks
the moral sense OF people by rushing to The
verge Of blasphemy.'
The L,.iger had better 90 slow. II is treason
to the party to question Bob's purity and per.
fection a. q christian statesman aud a rcpubli-
can.
The great big lazy bones Of the Coarie. Journal
SAYS: Mrs sally Beers, Of Clinton county, Mich-
works farm OF one hundred acres and has nine
children. II there we're a few thousand such