Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-09-23
HUMORs OF THE CENTENNIAL.
How Mack Bothered the Turn.tile
Nah.

"What does it cost to see the show?'
inquired Mack of a gatekeeper who
was languidiy tanning himself beside his
turnstile
Fifty cents is the admittance fee"
"Here YOU are, then," SAID Mack
twenty-five and ten are thirty-five, and
five makes forty, and another ten makes
fifty cents"
"We can't take change; you must give
the exact amount said the man shov.
ing back the money.
"Seems to me you're mighty particu,
lar" growled Mack. You're the first
person in Philadelphia that l ever knew
to refuse money, change or no change
Can you tell u.s." asked Mack, as he
fumbied around in his pocket for a bill
why we are like an express train?"
II can tell you why you are not like
one. and that is because you are SC
slow. Hurry up, if you want to &C
through"
..Now that's evading the question: -
said Mack, as he slowly unfolded dol.
lar bill. "Give it up? Well, we're like
an express because we go through
without change. So here's dollar bill
for the two OF us?
"Why, you muddle-headed ignoram.
US. don't you understand that l must
have a fifty-cent scrip for everyone who
passes through?"
"Who's an ignoramus?" cried Mack
leaning over the counter and gIaring al
the turnstile man.
81 want fifty cents each said the man
"Who's an ignOramus?" shoutedMack
bringing down his fist on the counter
like stroke of the Corliss engine.
"You are," cried the exasperateC
man. getting ready to defend himself
"Oh, that's all right" cried Mack
stepping back and fishing out two fifty
cent pieces. 81 didn't know which one
of us you meant, and it's always best tc
have things understood"
Mack slipped in the money, and the
turnstile checked twice as we passed
through
"What's that thing for?" asked Mack
OF the entrance man, pointing to the
turnstile.
"Now you just move on. l want nc
more chat with you," said the turnstile
man, suddenly resuming the use of hi:
fan.
Mack turned to me and whispered:
Pm going to pay off that fellow fol
his impudence. You see, everv tim,
that turnstile turns he has to pay fit,
cents. Now, I'll go quietly up there
and give it u lightning twist, and it will
whirl around Il dozen or SO of times
and then follows payment of six dollar:
OF seven dollars"
"Do you think the police magistrat,
won't fine you more than that ?"
asked.
II don't mean that" said Mack
''they can never catch me in this crowd
It's the turnstile man who will have tn,
dollars to pay"
admired the project very much, an,
retired to a safe distance in order not L
be in Mack's way when he lit out
after whiring the stile. The old MAJ
didn't appear to be looking, and Macl
cautiously but firmly fixed his grasp OF
the upper bar Of the sturdy stile an,
gave Il tremendous jerk the stile stoo,
like rock, but that wasn't Mack's styl
Of doing; his hands slipped. and he sa
down swiftly but firmly on the h1r,
pavement.
There was a painful tablcau of few
moments Duration rs the turnstile man
with 4 calm, seraphic smile, gazed ol
the PROSTATE form of Mack, who stare,
steadily back at the man of stile
helped Mack up, and we walked il
silence to the Main Building. when
ventured to break the solemn stillnes
by remarking that it would be rough o
that fellow to pay the six or seven dol
lars these hard times
''See here ~ said Mack, tiercely, eth
less you say on that subject the better
and another thing | want you to under
stand, and that is you are not to mention
this to anybody, or write about it in tn
Free Press
promised him never, never would
and torture could not induce me t
reveal the circumstance.
The largest sponge ever found in tn
FlOridas is exhibited al Il store in Ne,
York When wet it is eight feet in Gil
conference, and when dry twelve Tee,
and weighs nineteen pounds.
Colored democratic clubs are bein
organized throughout South Carolin;
!, despite the mad efforts of white an
black radicals to prevent.