The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-03-02

OF twenty-one years old
each man Of forty-two
votes, and each man
years old three votes.
To place a placard, Supper,
cents" directly over the motto,
Lord will PROVIDE" is not just
thing. 1t was done at South Bost
Sunday school festival, and the smilt
of the ungodly prevailed.
A little boy, carrying some eggs
home from the shop, dropped them.
"Did you break sny?' asked the
mother, when he told her of it. "No,"
said the little fellow, "but the shells
came off of some of them.
Paddy's description of fiddle cant
be beaten: "lt was the shape av q
tirksy, and the size av goose. He
turned it over on its belly and rubbed
its back wid stick, and och, by St.
Patrick, how it did squale."
A little variation in the form of a
letter made venerable preacher
who said that"clergymen should work
and play too," utter in print the re-
markable doctrine that ''clergymen
should work and play 'loo.'"
He held the old shirt up by the
neck before discarding it forever, but
he wasn't mourning for the old gar
ment. He only .aii,'I wish l had
all the drinks again that have gone
through that old neckband.
II has been the custom in the Astor
family, an exchange says, to deposit
sl00,0o in the bank at the birth of
a son or daughter. That's sensible.
Every we'll regulated family should
Ike the hint, and do likewise.
1t was brilliant Fon Du Lac boy
who, seeing dog with a muzzle on
for the first time, exclaimed:
"Mamma, bet FIVE cents the dogs
are going to wear hoop skirts; thero
goes a dog with one on his nose"
A raptured writer inquiries, "What
| is there under heaven more humaniZ-
ing, or, if we may use the term, more
angelizing that fine black eye in =
lovely woman?" Two black eyes is
the only ans swer thought Of stpresent.
| Sally Verb, a Kansas girl, was
married the other day-conjugated
in all her moods and lenses, so to
speak. We predict the husband will
find her an active Verb, best parsed
when she is in the first person singu-
lar.
"You must not play in the street
with the boys now, my dear; you are
seven years old, said the old lady to
her granddaughter. "But, Grand
ma" was the innocent reply, "thc
older grow, the better | like the
boys,'
a few days since man convicted
of drunkenness stood up before His
Honor at the Police Court, and His
! Honor said in slow solemn way:
"Ill give you SO or thirty days"
"l'Il take the $40, SQUIRE" said the
fellow.
An eccentric old fellow, who lived
alongside of q graveyard, was asked
if it was not an unpleasant location.
"No," said he, 81 never jined place
in all my life with set Of neighbors
that minded their business so stiddy
as they do"
In the back regions of Indiana
where the Democrats still vote tor
Gen. Jackson, it is the belief that
Jim Blaine is nigger, whose politi-
cal principles are summed up in be-
liefthat all white folks should be
transported to Alaska.
A noble fellow that tramp was who
returned a FIVE dollar bill he said he
had found in an old vest Norwich
gentleman had given him. His hon.
esty was rewarded with one dollar
bill, and the next day the eve turned
out to be counterfeit!
"My son." said dying grocer TO
his probable successor in business,
"never put sand in the sugar. Cher
ish reputation for honorable dealing
with your fellow men, and use terra
alba instead; it's just As heavy, and
don't grit on the teeth.
"And canst thou always love me
thus, Agustus?' she murnmred, "even
when age has crept upon me and left
his traces there?" There was q pause
on his part, but twas only momenta-
rv, when he responded in tone of
deep remonstrance, "can a duck
swim!'
"My colored FRIEND" said All army
chaplain to a young negro, "can you
read?' s.Yes, sah.' Glad to hear it,
Shall l give you a paper?" "Sartin,
massa, if you please" Very good.
what paper do you choose now:'
"Well, sab, said the meditating ne
gro, "if you chews, Ill take q pap'r
o terbacker."
He had made q hearty meal at
restaurant, and rising up he said to
the cashier, 81 declare, if / haven't
forgotten my wallet" The cashier
fred up, and hurled big words at
him for three minutes before stopping
to take breath. When chance came
the stranger continued-"but have
fifty dollars here in my vest pocket"
The cashier tried to smile, bat could
not.
"You see pa" said bright twelve
year-old boy, 'the way we prove that
if you lose your left eye you would
be stone blind, is thus: You loose
your left eye. Very well: then your
right eye, which is all you have, is the
left one. But you have lost your LEFT
one, and so have no eye at all, and
must, therefore, be stone blind, don't
you see2.' The father rushes blindly
from the room.
81 suppose there are plenty of saw
mills over in your State," said Chi
cago man to party from Michigan,
the other night. "Wal, / shud say