Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-06-23

got stove in it.
Georgia cries Peas, green peas, "slen
there is no peas.
An honest meal cannot be made from q
boned turkey.
To be patient and thorough in all that
one does is to compel success in any call. cali.
ing.
There is nothing very original in a
money market report. 1t is too full of
quotations.
If there is anything admirable in our
tariff, it is the classification of tobacco
among the lugs-uries.
There is economy in travelling on the
fast mail trains. You make what you eat
60 great deal farther in given length
of time.
The Boston Post wants to know what
sort of an animal the father of mule is
Look in the mirror and see.
The journalists at the Centennial will
to get head Of the others.
Mr. O'Donovan Rosa has started what
he calls a " skirmishing fund.-" and the
"skirmishers" have succeeded in getting
in about $500.
Professor Ito Freshman n)-"What is a
circle?" Freshman (after much ref1ec~
tion)-"A round, straight line, with hole
in the middle"
"Isn't your husband little bald:"
asked one lady of another, the other day.
"There isn't bald hair in his head, was
the hasty reply.
"Do you take sugar." asked the host
ess of the Rochester Democra. editor
"Yes'm; one lump, and just a mite of bit
ters."
That was smart little girl whe, in an
swer to the catechism's question: "Whas
is the outward, visible sign or form in
baptism?" replied: "The baby"
Tom Moore compares love to potato,
"because it shoots from the eyes" "Or
rather" exclaimed Byron, because it be-
comes all the less by pairing"
A Brooklyn bachelor mentions the fact
that the scratch of female baby is al
ways more sudden and treacherous than
that of male baby.
Scientists who have examined mounds
in the west recently, report that the an
cient American was more like Jem Mace
than like CARLYLE.
The man who ever attempted to put
down twenty yards of carpet, will have
no sympathy for the Massachusetts tack
factory, which burnt the other day.
A man may take cold bath and exer-
else with dumb-belfs every morning, but
he won't "whoop la much around a wo-
man who parts her hair on the side
A bill to prohibit the sale of lntoxicat-
ing liquors within four miles of the Cali,
fornia University, is called by San Fran
cisco paper "An act to promote pedestrian
ism among students"
An old edition of Morse's geography
says: "Albany has four hundred dwell,
ling houses and twenty-four hundred in
habitants, all standing with their gable
ends to the street."
"The boy bowling in major, the girl in
minor, two singing nurses, and betw cen
wet diapers and milk-bottles sit as a low
ing father, is the way Bismarck describes
his married life.
An English genius is working on u ma
chine to utilize the swell of the sea. The
only way to utilize the swell of the land
is to bury him alongside of cucumber
vines.
Honolulu people say it rains nine days
in the week at Hilo, and thirteen months
in the year, and once in while it rains
into the bunghole of barrel faster than
it can flow out at both ends.
They have disagreeable way in Canon
City, Colorado, when man takes brok-
en- chair to the cabinet-shop, of saying,
"Hit you with q chair, did shes" This Is
very trying to the average citizen.
P. B. Shillaber, Mrs. Partington," is
II; has white hair. He is in California
for his health. He says he studied the
character of Ike" from his own son.
The old wom-man we mean-is still
jolly.
The singular rivalry which has sprung
up has induced Danbury lady to men
ton thst her dress has not cost her four
dollars per annum for the past three years.
She lives with brother-in-law.
Parish Clerks wife: ''Let you into the
church to draw interior? l dusn't do it
miss. There was party there last year,
and, do you know, they left 'orrid Dis
sentin' trac' in the rector's pews Ever
since that it's against orders"
Visitor-Can l see DR.. Jones? Servan:1
No, sir; he's not at home, sir! Visitor
Gould l see his-er-deputy? Servant
Please, sir, you had better wait till master
comes home, as / don't know where 1t is,
and he don't like to have his things med
died with.
When woman perforates her bare foot
with a crooked pin scattered ON the carpet,
it should be regarded as just retribution;
but We cannot conscientiously recommend
any man to tell her so about the time she
is pulling it out.
The London press seems to be greatly
shocked at Belknap's crookedness-more
so than the American press at the appro-
priation of several hundred thousand dol
lars by Parliament to pay the Prince OF
Wales gambling debts.
Texas papers are holding up their hands
in holy horror over much h-married chap.
who proves to have wives in no less than
ten different cities. The in-ten-city of
that fellows affections fully justifies their
ordinations.
"What is pleasanter," asks Louisiana
paper, than getting up early these warm
March mornings, and going out to pick
rose in your front garden" Well, we
can think of nothing pleasanter, unless it
Is going to Pictou.
A prominent clergyman of Brooklyn
last week, while taking one of course of
boxing lessons for exercise, received what
the boys call "a jolly black eye" On
Sunday he chose his text from Timothy,
9th chapter, 7th verse: 81 have fought
a good fight, have finished my course :"
Mr.. Gladstone. the distinguished Eng
lish statesman, said, in a recent address,
that hand labor is better paid in England
than head labor. Same thing over here,
William. A prize-tighter will make more
money pounding his fellow men black and
blue, than goat can earn by butting them
clear across the street five or six times q
day.
"Young man." said the revivalist, ad-
dressing the SWearer. chow hot do Won