Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-02-09


HUl0a0UA
In THE WRONG STORE. = ''Thomas
Freeman" contributes this TO the Dan
bury Ne,cs: 'We're going to be married
now In bout week, stranger" said a
countryman, with a slouched hat on
one side Of his head, as he entered a
jewelers. store on Market St., last week,
leading by the hand bashful-loOking
girl, with a red face and white teeth,
"and want a set of jewelry to match
that 'ere ring on her finger"
''SOmething pretty nice, presume?"
said the jeweler, examining the ring.
"Best you've got, l reckon" was the
reply.
Some twenty different sets were
shown them. varying in price from $50
to $50 and finally they decided to take
one, the price of which was $50.
"Do her up in rag" said the coun-
tryman, pressing himself up closely
against the girl.
The shopman artistically wrapped up
the jewelry and handed it to the be-
trothed.
''There's your spondulix. said the
purchaser, as he ran his hands deep
down into his pockets and threw two
big handfuls of hard money on the
showcase.
AS the merchant had not been asked
the price of his goods, he looked little
surprised, especially when the country
man added:
sits all right, stranger, for she and l
counted it over more'n twenty times
fore we left home."
elbow much is there here?" inquired
the jeweler, having counted 25 cents all
i'm coppers.
''Ninety-nine cents, I reckon; not
cent short"
'sNinety-nine cents. Why, that set
of jewelry is $50; we don't sell brass
here" exclaimed the jeweler, his face
becoming scarlet, and, taking the set
from the girl, he replaced it in the
showcase.
"P-h-e-w," whistled the countryman,
looking with astonishment, first at the
man and then into the street. "Why,
a boy out here told me and my gal that
we could get anything i'm this FER store
for 80 cents" and they went out to look
for the boy.
ScHNFIDER's TONATOEs.-Schneider is
very fond of tomatOes.-Schneider has
a friend in the country who raises
garden sass, and sich. ."-Schneider
had an invitation to visit his friend last
week, and regale himself on his favorite
vegetable. His friend Pfeiffer being
busy negotiating with city produce
dealer on his arrival, Schneider thought
he would take a stroll in the garden,
and see some of his favorites in their
pristine beauty. We, will let him tell
the rest of his story in his own Ian
guage:
SWELL, L walks shust liddle While
roundt, when | sees some of dose der
marters, vat vas so red und nice as L
nefer dit see any more, und dinks l
will put minefelf outside about COUPLE
a tozen, shust to geef me liddle abber-
dite vor dinner. So l pulls off Won Ov
der reddest und pest lOOkin' of dose
dermarters und dakes pOoty good pite
out Ov dot und vas chewing it CUP pooty
quick, vhen-by shiminy IL dort hat
a peese of red-hot goals in mine mout,
or vas chewing CUP dwO or dree bapers
of needles; und welt so pad, already.
dot mine eyes vas WOOL of tears; und L
mate vOr an 'Olt oxen bucket vOt | seen
hangin' i'm der veil, as vas goomin
along. 80
'sShust den mine vriend Pfeiffer game
oup und ask me vot mate me veel so pad,
und if any of mine vanity vas dead. 1
dOld him dot vas der only Won Ov der
vanity dot vas pooty sick; und den l
ask him vot kind of dermarters dose vas
vot 1 hat shust peen bicking; und, mine
Gracious. how dot landsman laughft.
und said dot dose vas red peppers dot he
vas rasing for bepper-sauce. You pet
my life vas mat. l RAIDER you geef
me feefty tollars as to eat some more Ov
dose bepper-sauce dermarters.-Ch0s.F +.
Adams.
The precocity of American children
is something marvellous. The other
evening Brooklyn gentleman was ex-
planning the panorama of the heavens
to his little son, and in the course of the
lesson directed his attention to the two
planets lately in conjunction. lyon
see that red looking one, Sammy? That's
Mars. He is moving further away from
Saturn every night" "Ah," rejoined
Sammy, without taking his eyes off the
planet, ''but he wouldn't do so if Saturn
was Venus, would he pa?"
The spelling school furore has been
of great help to at least one man. He
has been eourting a girl for three years
past, and hadn't the courage to speak
his mind. As they were seated on the
sofa the other night, she referred to the
spelling school excitement, and added,
''MatrimOny is an awful long word TO
spell, isn't it?" He leaned over, grasped
her hand, and next morning he had ar
rangements made to be married in a
month.
A SAGINAW lady sang OUT to her hus-
band as he made his exit through the
doorway $50 to Bari's and get some
No. 80 black thread, three cord"
''K-ris-to fer K-lum-bo," muttered the
head of the family, as he started after
the wood inspector to cord it up, "why
didn't she order carload lot and be
done with it. Must be she is going to
have the sewing society this week"
Mrs. LIvERMORE SAYS girls are not
particular enough about the man they
marry. Mrs. LivermOre Is right. Many
a young girl has become welded to
man, and found out, when too late, that
TIC COuluu W uilcN ash a bCuloO W iti-
out streaking the walls.-DaRJury Ne,cS.
THE other day, when Detroit grocer
spelled sugar "s-h-u-g-e-r," a friend
pointed out the word and remarked,
"That word isn't spelled quite right"
cha! see," laughed the grocer, Zone
would think had no education" And
he crossed it out and wrote, s-h-u-g-O-r.
SPILKISs had been telling us of a
HindOO native missionary who called
ON him for subscription the other day.
"Did he give you a big salaam as he
went out?" we inquired. "No," re-
piled the incorrigible Leander, "but he
gave the door One."
A LITTLE seven-year-old boy up town
was recently told by his mother that
she would start him to school this