The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-01-06
ALI Sorts of Paragraphs.

a Duluth mastlf lately cheWed up
lightning-rod man, but shortly after
died of wind on the stomach.
Somebody stole lot of tarts from
bakery in Concord the other day, and
now the baker is lecturing on Lost Arts
The Grangers of California ask the
State Legislature to fix the fees of attor-
neys in all cases where no contract is
made.
= Why is q doctor better taken care
of than his patients? Because, when he
goes to bed, somebody is sure to rap
him up.
: Where do people 60 who deceive
their fellow men, asked Sunday school
teacher Of: pupil. 'To Europe" was
the prompt reply.
The effort to build monument to
Horace Greeley has proved an utter fail
ure, and there is talk of returning the
money contributed.
= A writer in the Cleveland Sunday
Voice has an article headed Chow shall
We Rise" Did he ever try sitting down
on 8, can Of nitro-glycerine
=. An old Grecian philosopher advises
all men 10 "know themselves" That's
advising good many to form very low
and disreputable acquaintances.
=. evil this pipe smoke free ?' asked
a gentleman who was purchasing pipe.
"Of course it will, if you can get your
tobacco for nothing" was the reply:
=, It is stated that the Philadelphia
confectioner who advertised Centennial
Kisses" can't sell any. They are too old.
The 16-ials are preferred By men OF taste.
- A woman is very much like ket-
tie. if you come to think of it. She
sings away SO pleasantly-then she stops,
and when you least expect it, she DOLLS
over! =,
- The Louisville Ledger man, with
singular research, has discovered that the
same coloring matter which .poisonss
striped stockings is used to color bad
whiskies. In both cases it goes to the
legs, he says, and spoils the understand
.. "Well," remarked Mrs. Spilkins,
the other evening, throwing down the
paper wi:h sigh, IT don't think so very
much of the Presidents message, Lean
der. He don't say a single word about
Tweed's escape or the Beecher scandal.
- The question whether gentleman
may kiss a lady at the depot is being Wig
orously discussed. If the train has start
ed and you think you can swing on to
the rear platform aud are going away to
stay, it looks tolerably safe to try it.
. A Brighton lady, riding on the cars
the other day, was amused by the ques-
ton of little girl, who, hearing, the
conductor cry the stations, looked up
into her mothers face and innocently
asked: "Say, mama, do we get out at
the next holler ?"
"A Danbury man, wishing to engage
several bushels of potatoes from party
in the suburbs, asked neighbor what
sort of man he was. "Well," said the
conscientious neighbor, ri don't know
very much about him, but I should think
he would make tip top stranger"
If a man is found drunk in Yer
mont he is committed to Jail and kept
there until be reveals who supplied the
liquor. Several are now lying in Jail at
Rutland because they refuse to tell. 1t
is thought chat they prefer to remain un-
til after the cold snap.
- There are three hundred million of
paper collars made in the United States
every year, but let a man find that ne
has worn his last one, when he is dress.
ing for a party, and he'll dance round
and swear like double-barrelled pirate.
-"And canst thou always love thus,
Alfred" she murmured, "even when age
has crept upon me and left his traces
here ?" There was pause on his part,
but twas only momentary, when he re-
piled, in a tone of deep remonstrance,
iCan duck swim?"
A young clergyman, whose reputa-
tation for veracity was none of the best,
ventured to differ with an old doctor of
divinity as to the whipping of children.
"Why," said he, "the only time my ia
ther whipped, :, me WIS for telling the the
truth" "Well," retorted the doctor, "it
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