The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-05
BUDGET OF FUN.
The Chicago Drummer.

The New York Mercury Is responsible lor
The following story of rural Missouri life:
Run, gals. and shuCk yerselves in Il hur-
Iy the strangers comm III. AuG Missouri
Ann, you jest git inter them Sunday duds .
Your'n Qulckcr'n shootn' er you'll heer from
me, yeer mother
That was what Mrs. Mar,ingalc of Noda-
way county, Missouri, told her daughters
when she saw we.l.dressed man ride up 10
her hitching-rail and aight IRON ms morse:
Come right In. stranger. Take a cheer ana
sit down. Fine weather now FOR a most any,
thing. Shed yer greatcoat, stranger an, anu
come clus TO tho trc and git warm. Inc
gals IS gone to shuck themselves, hut they
wont be more'n a mint about IT,
He was a Chicago drummer and ne had
lost his road, Prudent mothers III NouoWay
don't encourage the attentions Oh Nhicago
drummers to their daughters, because they
say those gentlemen from chicago are mo
account men"
didn't 20 around Introducing himself every
where rs the Happy father OF the six smart.
est hovs in the state Of Illinois: nor he didn't
carry a pockctful his wife's photographs to
distribute in every town on his road. He
sold drugs and druggists sundrles on com
mission; and he was ready to bet his bottom
dollar that he sold more quinne, calomel and
Godtreys cordial IN one month than any man
travelling out of Chicago.
He didn't feel bad about it when Mrs.
MartiBgale slung her kettle on the fire and
set her cotfec-mill to grinding for him. On
the contrary, he encouraged her endeavorS by
saying that he never knew II woman with u
head shaped like hers who couldn't just
knock the spots OF everything when she tired
her hand at frying spare-ribs or making cot.
fee. She tried to disparage her cooking by
saying that shotes this year didn't pan out
according to expectations; then the weather
had been so warm that il was mighty hard
work to keep spare ribs and joles from spoil.
ing.
He didn't require any second invitation to
sit up and help himself to her hot cookery
and he wasn't bothered with looking over u
bill of fare to see what he wanted. lie made
a SQUARE meal oi it before she had time to
ask him where he was from, or whether lie
was married or single. The daughters APP
reared in their prettiest just when lie was
moving his chair back from the table.
stranger, this is my darter, Missouri Ann
that one IS Florida Jane; and tother one Is
Saidee Maria They're jest about as pecr'
gals as thar is in Nodoway. They're all oV
EN- willin' to spark. Now, gals, sit down
and talk TO the stanger"
And Mrs. Martingale busted herself clear
ing the table, leaving her charming daugh
tiers to entertain the Chicago man OF drugs
when suddenly it occurred to her that she
had not yet learned where he was from, nol
what his calling was-two important things
for prudent mother to know.
II reckon you're from Omaha or the Bluffs
mister?'
mo, hail from farther east
You're from over the river in NeW0rasHy
anyhOw?"
mo, live in Chicago
"Shecargo. Gals, shuck back agn inter
yer old buds He amt worth lead nickel
Aintyou lookin for IA pardner, mister"
No; | don't want to marry.
Then you jest GIT up and git mighty sud
den. We amt no green gooseberries--me
and my gals. We don't want no men look
ing for pardners. Now you git. Florida
Jane, you call them dogs"
That Chicago man of drugs mounted his
horse and rode away IN such haste that ht
forgot to say goodbye. But the next night
when he met three drummer friends III ON
aha and told them The story, they all sighed
AID called for hot whisky at his expense 'rav
cling from Chicago