The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-06-30
Pith and Point.

rag -gatherer s.
DRIED apples are becoming a fashion
able dessert for swell parties.
IT is very in-jury-ous for twelve men
to be locked up III courthouse.
HOWEVER enraged he may be, it only
takes the slightest transportation to make
a clam calm.- Cincinnati NeaOs.
YOUNG Mistress "It'syour Sunday out
next week Jane, is it not9" Jane
"Lor, mum ? why, you've forgotten; it's
yours!"
A VEGETARIAN who was dodging an
infuriated bull behind a tree, ex-
claimed "You ungrateful beast you
toss vegetarian, who never ate beef
in his lifel Is that the return you
make 2"
DIGNITY" Did see you turn your
nose up at me r. Impudence-"Do Don't
know, I'm sure |" Dignity" Did you
turn it upG" Impudence-"W Well, 1
tried, and you make me think 1 succeed
! ed Fun.
Mrs. MALAPRop writes to sympathize
with poor Payson Weston on his great
walking feet having come of. She
doesn't wonder at It, considering the
awful amonnt of work they have had. -
Punch.
"I WISH I might die," sighed mid
dle-aged maiden, as she hung like a limp
bolster out of the third story front win
dow, on q Sunday afternoon, and espied
the man whom she had once coquettish-
ly rejected placidly propelling an S18
baby cart.-Brooklyn Argus.
A GENTLEMAN in this city has pair of
pantaloons which were worn by one of
his ancestors hundred years ago. They
are made of home-spun cloth, except
the seat, which is of thick leather. It
is inferred from this that the original
owner was book agent. Nori0ich
Bulletin.
MARY's LAMB.
Mary had little lamb,
We've heard 1t DER and DER,
Until that little lamb becomes
perfect little bore.
SO propose TO make grave,
And dig ii deep and wide;
That Marys lamb and all its bards
BE buried side by side.
A ABAsE-BALLIsT named Miller, formerly
catcher of the st. Louis club, died in
Philadelphia last week. In his last mo-
ments he was delirious, and fancied he
was at his place in the ball-feld, facing
his old pitcher, Bradley. His last words
were "Two out, Brad-steady, now
he wants a high ball-steady, Brad
there, knew it; that settles it."
Mr.. LAN1ER speaks of "ghosts of
goods once feshed and fair" As if he
had said, "Remnants of calico dresses
once occupied by pretty girls" 1t is
plain enough when you understand it.
Or, stay perhaps he referred to the
striped stockings worn by the foremoth-
ers. Good heavens will some friendly
breeze fan this aching brow l-RocheSter
Democrat.
A NEW lawn game is called "Vexillo."
It has not been introduced here yet, but
it is said to resemble croquet, and we
presume the way to play it is for one
young miss to make misstroke, and then
another tells her that she cheats, and she
says 81 don't cheat half as much as you
do," after which they both pitch tho
mallets over the fence go into the house,
and don't speak to each other for six
weeks.
A CERTAIN eminent physician, being
invited to dinner party, arrived at the
house of his host at a somewhat earlier
hour than had been named as the dinner
hour. He accordingly strolled out of
the house into church yard which was
hard by. When dinner was announced.
the doctor was absent, and an inquiry
was made as to where he was. "Oh,"
said one of the guests, who had seen him
in the church-yard, "he is payinga visit
TO some of his old patients.
THE other evening a carriage being
driven up Maple street had to come to a
dead halt TO prevent running over child
three or four years old who was seated
in the center of the street. Is that
your child 2" asked the driver of man
who lounged forward and beckoned to
the dust-covered offspring. "Guess he
is," was the slowly spoken answer.
"Arent you afraid he'll be run over
some day p He may be. His brother
was run over last year about this time,
and the folks made mp purse of 500
for me !" Perhaps the memory OF that
purse had nothing TO do with the other
child being in the road.-Detroft Free
Press.