Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-11-24
f. u ~ :


SHE WAS FOR REFORM, Too.-"Ma-
tilda,' he said, as he arose from the sup
per table and wiped his mouth on his
sleeve, tive won glorious victory yester-
day. Reform has completely carried the
day."
"Where are you going?" she screamed,
as he picked up his hat and started for the
door.
ssWhy, I'm just going down to the cor
ner to see if there is anything new from
South Carolina"
s'John Bushbill," she calmly uttered,
ssthe election is oyer now. and this thing
must come to stop. haven't said word
about your going out before election. as
there were ward meetings, torchlight pro-
cessions, and all such things to attend to,
but now say emphatically, there must be
an end to it,
'sBut, Matilda" he pleaded, remember
we were victorious. Remember [ was for
Reform"
ssAnd so am for Reform she quickly
replied. 'Reform, like Charity, must COM
mence at home, and now come right back
here and rock this baby to sleep. [ have
ironing to do tonight. sir.''
One look at those determined features
sufiiced, and as he seated himself at the
cradle, he gently muttered, land has my
bleeding country suffered in vain? Art
thou, too, sham, Oh! Reform?"
A staid looking gentleman, apparently a
stranger, stopped ut an apple stand:
sWhat is the price of oranges 20 he ask
ed, pointing to collection of large pears
''Dees ees not de orange" said the po
lite vender. ''Dees ees de California pale.
One for twenty fl cent?
ssYou don't mean to tell me-" said the
stranger, putting his hand upon an apple,
s'that this is a pair ?"
ssPardon! no! [ say dees ees de paire.
Dees ISIS de appel. Tree for de ten cent"
s'Well, must say" continued the stran
ger, picking up d handful of chestnuts and
examining them critically, "that these are
the queerest apples ever saw"
sob, mon Dieu no Dem ees de ches
eynut what grow in your own countree.
You roast them en- de fire."
ssRoast them in the fire Well. upon my
word,'' lingering a bunch of bananas GU
riously 81 don't see how such chestnuts
as these can be improved by roasting.
They seem to be soft enough now How
ever. I am much obliged. Ill see you later.
Good day." and the stranger passed up the
street.
ssGentlemen,' p said the fruit dealer, turn
ing in an appealing manner to the crowd
that had gathered, "dat man is one escape
fool from de penitentiary.'
'sCan you change this William for me?''
said a Young man who presented $50 bill
at the counter of the Gloucester National
Bank. recently. eyes," said the cashier,
tsbut why do you call it Villa MP" ''Oh,
Pm not familiar enough with that kind OF
thing to call it Bill" was the quick
reply.
AS the rain falls impartially on the just
and unjust, so the pale moonbeams, that
leEd inspiration to lovers VOWS, also creep
through the cracks in the hen house and
and show the midnight naturalist where
the best pullet is roosting.
A Western judge recently constructed
the longest sentence Oil record. He SEN
fenced a murderer for life, and after yards
added two more years to the sentence be-
cause the prisoner called him no gentle
man.
Sitting Ball has no undershirt, but he
sits in his tent with an Ulster overco.t on,
absorbs whiskey, cheWs navy, and ith a
burnt stick and a piece Of sheepskin draws
out a diagram for the spring campaign.
A..Frenchman said of Shakespeare, Ven
you find angling You do not understand, it
is always somezing fne.''
The new leap year style of popping the
question is, ''Don'L you want me to wash
dishes for your
An exchange noticing the marriage OF
contemporary, wishes him posterity and
happiness.
Early rising was once an indication of
ef,rift, but now it indicate that man is
thirsty.
Is lamp at any time in a bad humor?