The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1876-01-06
MISCELLANEOUS.
High time-a tower clock.

Scotch Saying.-A doar plaat vi
mons mann on's a wary goad thing,
but dinner plaat wi a mons dinner
on's a better.
An exchange says eff man marry
shrew is he not shrew is he not
shrewd ?" We answer, not Of necessity,
any more than a widower who marries
anew is nude.
Sydney Smith once rebuked swear
ing visitor by saying, ''Let US assume
that everything and everybody be dam
ned, and proceed with our subject"
Host-"Just another wee drap fore
you go" Guest-''Na, ma, all tax nae
mair. I'm in a new lodgin' and I'm no
vera weel acquainted wi the stair,
A gentleman, during conversation,
the other evening, politely informed a
young lady that he wa N an artichoke's
Office. He intended to say architects
office.
Mdlle. O., of the Palais Royal The
atre, said to Hyacinth Gracious but
1 have cold. What do you do when
you have cold ?' 81, said Hyacinth,
81 cough
ssDid you notice how splendidly I
went through the last reel at the ball
last night, Tom ?'' eyes, and I also
noticed that you kept it up all the way
home"
A Boston Joke.-Scene on Bangor
boat Mrs. J. to Mrs. G. -: "Where's
your son ben, Mrs. CT" Mrs. G, to
Mrs. J: "My son Ben! I haven't got
any son Ben (Confusion.)
A Newark husband who has married
his third wife and finds her temper
just as sharp as his former wives, speaks
of her in a guarded way, as his third
term-agent.
Simplicity.-A man in New Orleans
court of justice being examined as a
witness, was asked if he were born in
aoedzock. No said the man I was born
in Texas"
'Mamma's darling did not hurt his
little cousin purposely did he, dear
It was all an accident to be sure.-
eyes mamma and all want is chance
to crack him again %
Nanny" said precocious little
boy, who against his will, was made to
rock the cradle of his baby brother, ''if
the Lord has any babies to give away,
don't you take EN-.
A convict wrote letter to his brother
"a serious letter without an attempt al
joke, which however concluded thus
81 must leave off now my feet are SO
cold I cannot hold my pen."
"Papa," said small 1lrchin, with a
mischievous eye,-'.I say, papa, ought
the master to fog fellow for what he
didn't doa'-"Certainly not, my boy. d
"Well, then, he logged me to day when
didn't do my sum.
A New York merchant has been de-
tected measuring "a inches to the yard.
Two inches is nothing on towel, but
it tells heavily on a WOODEN shirt when
the thermometer drops down.
The look man gives his wife when
he suddenly swakes in the morning and
finds her going through his vest pockets
is not studied expression, but it is ex-
cellent in it's way.-Da,abuUy Ne,Os.
A new Paris telescope brings the
moon to within ten miles of the earth,
and Michigan woman thin4 that if
she were given room to yell she could
get up conversation with some other
woman up there.
Scene in the cars A candy boy pas
sing through a car meets cross old
gentleman, and says, 'tpop corn, pop
cornr' 'tHain't got any teeth" angrily
replies the man. "Gum drops? gum
drops !" calls the smart boy.
Wilson the celebrated vocalist, was
upset one day in his carriage near Edin-
burgh. A Scotch paper after recording
the accident, said: "We are happy to
state that he was able to appear the fol-
lowing evening in three pieces Is
A Texas editor says of another Texas
editor: That palsied old reprobate and
common dead beat, will confer favor
by in no wise referring to us. We have
nothing in common with him, never
read his old "pied" handbill, and want
nothing to do with him.
Gagler said, CHOW, in my opinion,
when Tweed took out"-sSir, said
Mrs. Gagler, who graduated at Vassar,
s'that is vile slang" "Oh, I mean, ="
said Gagler, ''that he jumped-pshaw,
fired himself off. I mean skipped,
waltzed-thunder, Jane, you know he
lit out"
A captain who had sound sleep mate
caught an Irish boy in the middle
watch frying some pork and eggs he
had stolen from the ships stores, to
whom the captain called out, "You hub
Der, you; I'll have none of that. !"
"Faith, captain, I've none for We, re-
piled the lad.
A young woman from the rural dis
tricts entered a dry goods store the 9TH
er day. and asked for pair of stockings.
The clerk politely asked her what num-
Der she wore. "Why two you blasted
fool Do you suppose I'm cenipede,
or have got wooden leg? how many
do you suppose a two legged hair-pin
like me would Wear2