Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-11-09

lily to find her he has conceived the
idea that she and the child were MUIR
dered and buried in the cemetery. lie
resolved to dig the whole cemetery
over until he found their bodies. lie
has dug out, with his hands and a
walking-stick. about fifty graves, in
some cases taking the bodies out of
their collins. The German residents
of the town think he has been guilty
of some crime in the old country, at
the sight Ut a policeman he rurs away
and hides himself for two or three
days, nobody knows where. lie will
be sent this week to the lunatic asylum
ut White Plains.
The Exploits OF the Intelligent Compositor.
The exploits of the Intelligent Com
positor might fill to repletion IL young
encyclopaedia with Il varicgated mass
of entertaining and instructive mat
ter. That the individual named is Il
perennial thorn in the editorial flesh
has long been know and duly acknOwl-
edged-not exactly before q notary
public or sworn commissioner, yet
oaths both solemn and awful, without
any official attestation in witness there.
| of, arc seldom if ever wanting to EN-.
phasize the depth Of feeling evoked.
|Subjoined are Il few instances of the
peculiar characteristics of the Intelli.
gent Composition.
An editor Of !. provincial newspaper
had prepared what he supposed to be a
!! very effective, and which was really
quite space filling '']eader'' on II
topic then and there occupying the
thoughts Of everybody who was any.
body in the vicinity namely a great
storm that had recently caused con-
siderable damage in the immediate
neighborhood. Any accident by flood
or field is almost always a perfect God.
send-speaking from purely business
point Of vicw-to the rural journalist.
When the erewhile self-complacent
editor reads in print his beautiful des-
scription Of the terrific violence of the
tempest, an homicidal instinct took
sudden possession of him on finding he
was made to say that, 'ssome of the
largest trees did not escape the fury
Of the elephants (sic) their great thick
trunks curling, us it were in mere
sport
The metropolitan editor may, how
ever sometime shake hands with his
suburban brother and say, "Fellow.
sufferer we cannot laugh ut one an.
other
| A New York (so.called) society jour.
nal had the following lively descrip-
ton Of an elegant entertainment
where the guests INDUCED in the
slight fantastic -
the beautiful bellies OF the evening, who to-
gether with the rest of the brilliant assem-
blage, consisting of poets and painters and
writer's and many all ornament OF the Bench
and Bar, thronge,l the splendid bathroom
(sic) which was ablaze with many lights, and
cologne water spread around a most inviting
! fragrance.
Here the intelligent composition had
ingeniously Numbered 10y setting up
''bath room,' in place of ''hall-room. -
The following was found in a coun-
! try newspaper. Imagine the feelings
of the party concerned An invaluable
addition to the science of physiOgnomy
would have been made if the photo
graphs could have been taken of Mr..
and Mrs. Grimm Grimm is worthy
German grocer located, presumably
on the orthodox ':corner'') at the mo-
ment when they read in the local jour.
nal, the day after the event, the fol.
lowing announcement of their mar.
riage, placed-mark yOll-unlcr the
heading of "Deaths.'
On Tuesday April l, 1876, Johann Grimm
to Rose Coffin, daughter Of the late White
Pyne Coffin, by the Rev. John Littlestif
Smallcell (Idaho) papers please copy.
But it IS in setting up advertisements
that the genius of the In. Comp. bios.
SONS into perfection. Aided often by
the ignorance and inexperience OF
those who indite their own advertise.
ments. the individual under considera
ton is enabled to present to an admir-.
ing public, some OF the choicest speci'
mems of his art.
The following was in Il leading daily
paper of this city:
"Quick. II want sprishtly young colored
man to drive me to work about the house and
do chores. Address, OR call on" etc.
BY leaving out the word ':and' after
''me,' thus making the sentence
read, land to work about the house.
etc. the intelligent compositor.. makes
1.-THE advertisement call for a rather
singular, and what would be no doubt
quite pleasant employment on the
part of the "sprightly young colored
man.
The two that follow may be properly
read in this connection.
Wanted by widow OF a clergyman nice,
moral, religious young man for her back. A
good home with board at low tigures.''
This is another sin of omission, the
poor lady having written, ''her back.
parlor.''
A German widow lady would like to re-
celve the address OF few single gentlemen.
She is low in her ideas and broad (sic) every
way to suit. Address, etc.
Bad as the German lady's English is,
the Intelligent Compositor must bring
her into contempt by making her
''broad everyway to suit" instead of
aboard every way to suit
1t is to be sincerely hoped that the
lady who inserted the advertisement
that follows was of truly religious
frame of mind and that she found it in
her heart to forgive the shortcomings
Of the Intelligent Compositor.
A lady addicted to amateur theatricals
would like to receive dramatic instruction
from a master OF the historical (sic) art who
could drill her in the rudiments Address
with references, etc.
! Of course she wrote s'histrionic' in.
stead of ''historical.''
| 1t would be tedious to enumerate the
vast number of choice specimens of
the kind which the writer has collect.
ed. We close this paper with fine
piece of work that would do honor to
any Intelligent Composition in the land.
1t was found under the heading ''NIat.
rim0nial.
A wealthy widow lady without encum-
ORANGES less than thirty would like to make
the acquaintance OF a strictly honorable gen.
tleman Of good family and well-educated with
a view to matrim0nX.
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