The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-04-20
Wit and HuaOr.


In1-GoTTEN gains-doctor's fees.
HIGH colors-the clouds and sky.
"WoU1D it be safe to call Susan B.
ballot girl9"
"P1zE and hot cofey" is Yonkers
restaurant sign.
D1Az wants to be President of Mexico,
but he will probably Diaz traitor.
IT may be safely said that the people
of Worcester won't say dam any more.
Why is the letter 60" like two quar-
tiers of beef? Because it is half of COX. "
"Soc1ETY, says Sam Slick, is like
pork barrel-the middle good, but the
top and bottom a leetle tainted"
For an eating-h house sign Rise
Puden F" is hard to beat. But If the
"Puden is properly made, it is not
hard to be-eat.
envy son." said an old man, " beware
of preiudices. They are like rats, and
mems minds are like traps; prejudices
get in easily, but it is doubtful if they
ever get out.
SERVANT "Please, sir, you amt got
no bread. and the baker says he won't
trust you any longer2" Irate Hibernl-
an s'Och, the name haste No bread
Bedad, then, I must have toast !'-LO7e-
don Fa1a.
ELDERLY agriculturist Ito season tick
ct holder in the train -" You don't have
no ticket2" "No, travel on my good
looks" "Then," after looking him
over, probably you amt goin' very
far General smile.
BRIDGET ''Sure Maria and me was
discushin' over what was thin things III
pitcher over the mantel." Mistress
"Why, Bridget, those are Raphael's
angels" Bridget: "Och, thin the both
of us wuz wrong. I said they wuz twins,
and Maria said they wuz bats"
He was timid fellow, but fond of
borrowing John Phoenix's jokes; so when
she asked him how he felt, he averaged
himself according to the Phoenix plan OF
being very definite, and said he felt
about eighty per cent. "Indeed," she
said, with demure look, care you never
going to par2"
Cook Cat the registry office E'' AVN
never lived with any but Ugh fam lies,
should wish to know If the party keeps
their carriage -men-suvvants In the 'ouse
moves in good society" Mistress OF
the office (shortly)-" The lady has been
presented at court, if that will suit you.
Cook (condescendingly) =" Thanks.
Then / think I'll call upon her."
A YOUNG man with squeaky voice and
white wool hat on entered one of the
street cars yesterday, and after taking a
long look at the musty straw, which was
knee deep on the floor, he stuck his head
out of the trent door and said to the
driver: If you want that horse to die
before spring you just keep on bedding
him down with such straw as this every
night i"-Free Press.
The Detroit postmaster knew that
something would happen if he had to
run his office by rallow candle power,
and something has. In the dim light
afforded by candle one of the distribu-
tors put letter intended for Mrs. Some
body into Mr.. Somebody's box. The
husband opened it, found the photo
graph of young man with his ha1r
parted in the middle, and letter start
ing off with
sEvER DEAREST ANeE1-Please find my
going to Chicago this week, IS he intended"
The old hull" went out of the office
in three jumps, and he beat the street
car three blocks in getting home. There
may be divorce, a scandal and some
shooting, and all because tallow candle
began to blink and wink and sputter Just
at critical moment.-Free Press.
There is not in Kentucky county SO sweet
AS the one where they've had big shower OF
meat;
It goes on to prove that st. Peter had love,
Or he'd never throw "vittles that way from
above.
Since meat now comes down from the beautiful
Skies
Creating wonderful sight of surprise,
We may look for drove of sheep, cattle, and
hogs,
With shower of cats and whole lot of dogs.
So look out, fair maidens and curious fellows,
Don't venture unless you've cast-iron umbrellas;
Perchance you'll be crushed by dog or cat
Coming headforemost down on your bonnet or
hat.
II doqCiSDille Courier, Journal.