The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-10-12
An Astonished Minister.

Old Birthstone Wills-so every bod!
calls him-is pastor of one of ou
churches. He has long been known a!
an eccentric preacher, and can knocE
more square feet of religion out of any
text in the Bible than all the rest of tht
ministers in the town put together
Creeds, dogmas, and forms all fai
with Old Birthstone, and no matter how
often you hear him the subject of his
discourse always winds up with high
ly dramatic picture OF the agonie5 oi
the sinner and the heat of the place
prepared for him. Sulphur and blue
blazes are his only topics, and he ex-
pounds them in manner forciblY
enough to make a strange hearer think
he is Sitting on dynamite barrel wait
ing for it to be touched off. OF course
his popularity has ceased to attract at
tention in our town, but somehow or
other Old Birthstone always breaches
TO crowded houses every Sunday night.
Saturday morning as several of our
prominent men were standing in front
of Moore's grocery they were accosted
by rough, seedy-looking countryman,
who inquired if they knew where he
could dispose of lot of sulphur.
"Is it good sulphur" asked the wag
of the party, winking slyly at the rest.
eyes, Of course it's good" was the
reply.
"Will it burn readily?"
"Well, | reckon it will"
"Think it would scorch a devil?"
persisted the wag.
The countryman gave him an injured
look and was about to drive off, when
the wag stopped him by asking if he
really wanted to sell the load.
"Yes, sirree," was the response.
"Well," said the wag, 81 know
man that will buy it from you if it is a
good article to burn. See that white
house standing back from the roadp"
he added, pointing directly at Old
residence. "Just stop
there, inquire for Mr.. Wills, and tell
him you have q load of first-class sui
phur. He is little peculiar and will
try to make you believe he doesn't use
it, but stick to him right close and l am
sure You can make a bargain. Watch
Tim sharp, however, for he will swear
that he is a minister, so he can get
your load for half price, but just tell
him that trick is too old and he will
cave in"
"I'll watch him." replied the coun-
.ryman, rs he drove off, followed by
the entire party, who took near cut,
and reaching hearing distance hid
themselves to await the result of the
In response to the countryman's
ring Old Birthstone himself appeared
1t the door.
"Want any sulphur" inquired the
closely eying the form
before him.
"SulphurP Do want any sulphur?
No, sir, have no use for sulphur
'eplied the old man in amazement.
"Come, now, 1 know better than
hat, 4" replied the countryman, winking
1t him Familiarity.
"Why, sir, am a minister. What
lse have l for load of sulphur"
gasped the astonished clergyman.
"Ob, that's too thin, old feller; come
low, stop lying and tell me what you'll
rive for two barrels Of sulphur"
. L tell you am a Minister" fairly
the old man.
'That's too thin, l tell you," replied
he countryman with an oath.
Oh! you vile sinner! You blasphem-
,us wrctchi Are you not aware there is
| lake of fire for those who take in vain
he Creators name?" asked the horri-
led old man, trembling with excitement.
GA lake of what P" gasped the coun
ryman.
+" A lake of fire and birthstone, where
he fire never quencheth and the sulphur
never faileth,'' slowly repeated the man
If prayer. --....
That may all sound very well!" re-
)lied the bewildered countryman, "but
would like to know who runs that fire."
"Why, sir, have you never heard of
he pit of iniquity prepared for the dev-
| and his angels? They, my dear 81
end his everlasting fire."
"Well, then, old fellow" laughed
he countryman, firmly believing the
I'D man was only little demented,
: don't you think you had better buy
his lot of sulphur in case the supply
lOwn there runs shortP''
With shrek of agony Old Birthstone
larted into the house, leaving the coun-
ryman to hunt for another Customer
or his sulphur, and as he left town with
he same two barrels it is safe to pre-
ume that ha found nobody willing to
his fiery commodity Mobile
Register. - .---