The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1876-08-26
Why Not to Marry.

IL the ladies' waitlng-room at one OF the de-
pots in fourishing Western city, might have
been seen recently, two women one young and
handsome, the other old and ugly. The vari-
GUS trains rushed in and rolled out, the last
passenger train for some hours had departed,
but still they sat, these two women.
The day faded into the night. The lamps
were lighted. The agent went home, and the
many laborers went home. Minutes dragged
slowly by, and hours seemed to crawl. The
silence was unbroken in the room. Every few
moments would the young woman look up at
the clock. Finally the old woman broke the
silence.
"Goin' away?"
"Yes"
One remark led to another, until they were
chatting quite confdentially. The old woman
said she was going to "Shicagey," and told
many things. The young weman, in turn, be-
came communicative, and said her lover was
coming in on the midnight train, and that she
was going with him to the next station to be
married.
"Been engaged long2"
"Three years."
"Your lover in business?"
eyes"
"Railroader"
"No."
"well, I'm glad on it. Never marry rail-
roader. Is he a soldier?"
"No."
OWL. I'm Glad on it--Naver marry n sol-
dier. Hotel keeper?"
"No."
"Well, Pm glad on it. Never marry hotel
keeper. Travelin' man?"
"No."
"Well, Pm glad on it. Never marry trav-
elm man. Steamboater?"
"No."
"Well, Pm glad on it. Never marry steam
boater. Dry goods man?"
"No"
"Well, Pm glad on it. Never marry coun-
ter jumper. Grocery MANI"
"No."
@well, Pm glad on it, Never marry pea
nut vender."
"who would you marry7" asked the young
woman.
"Well, child, never marry a railroader, for he
is liable to get killed most any time. Besides,
he has such nice chance to hirt.
"Never marry military man, for he's liable
to go to war and git shot. Besides, his gorgeous
clothes attract the attention of the women.
"Never marry hotel keeper. My first hus-
band was hotel keeper, and fell through the
elevator opening, and broke his darned skull.
It riles me when think of that man.
"Never marry travelling man, for he's al
ways away from hum. Nobody knows what
these men are up to when they're away from
hum.
"Never marry steamboater. My second
husband was a steamboat captain, and got
blowed into 1900, 900 pieces, blast him. | al
ways git terrible mad when I think of that
man.
"Never marry a dry goods man. Dyes in
clothes is so injurious. They never live hall
their days.
"Never marry grocer. They have such
dirty hands. My third husband was grocer
and such hands as he'd have, was 'nuff to sicken
a body. He was killed by molasses barrel
fallin' on him. When 1 think of him Pm COM
| pletely disgusted.
"Never marry a carpenter. My fourth hus-
band was carpenter, and fell off a scaffold
and was mashed into a jelly. May his sou
sleep in peace
"Never marry a machinist. My fifth hus
band was machinist. I'll never forget the
day when he was brought hum on board.
didn't recognize him. A belt had come off q
pulley, and hit him plum in the face, and
spread his nose all over his countenance.
promised him on his dyin' bed that I'd never
marry another machinist."
Just then the train rolled in, and the old lady
asked:
"Child, what business is your loverin? p
"Insurance business"
go, mercy You don't mean to marry him.
NV sixth husband was an insurance"
But the young woman had gone to meet hel
| 1over