The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-10-13
Wit and HumOr.
o get fat-Buy lard.

Wit and HumOr.
how TO get fat-Buy lard.
The coming man is he who owes YOU.
A CATAFALoUE is very much like a
mouseoleum. Both imply demice.-NeW
York Graphic.
Con. from Connaught: cave We
PLACE, sorr, when ought monk to sit
by fire ?" "Shure, when he's cowl'd."
Punch.
"MY client is no more guilty of steal
ing that hog than q frog amt got no
tail, was a young Kentucky lawyers
address to Warren county jury.
A MISS PosT is the reigning beauty
at Newport, and all the young men want
to tie to her. This is generally the fate
of rail pretty girl, and she has no de-
fence.
SCENE: Young ladies' boarding
school. Professor" What can you tell
of Plutol" Miss D." He was the son
of Saturn, and when his father died he
gave him hell"
A CORRESPONDENT asks US what por-
ton of the ear is called the Globe" 1t
is the portion which your parent used to
grasp when he led you gently out to
gaze upon the handsome proportions OF
the neglected woodpile.
THERE was panic among the mothers
at Cincinnati hotel recently, when the
bill of fare came out and announced
"children potpie" for dinner that day.
1t turned out, however, to be the print
er's mistake for "chicken pot-pie."
ORIGINAL G. w. item, from the San
Francisco NesOs Letter.: On q certain
occasion, when Mr.. Washington was at
dinner at Mount Vernon, Mr.. Randolph,
who sat opposite, pressed the General
to partake of the turnips. Sir, said
the Father of his Country, impressively.
'Sir, do not eat turnips, because they
disagree with me ~ There was not
dry eye in the room.
A woULD-BE swell, wishing for an ex-
cuse to speak to beautiful woman on
the street, with whom he was unac-
quainted, drew his nice white cambria
handkerchief from his pocket as he APP
preached her, and inquired if she hadn't
dropped it. She glanced at the hand
kerchief, nodded assent, thanked him,
and marched on, leaving the exquisite
to be laughed at by his companions.
AS A Scotch officer was handing
summons to collier, he said /: Its a
curious thing that we baud me coming
to ye sac often. Can ye no get out O
bill " said the knight of the black dia-
monds. "'Deed it takes a my time
and wit the gettin' into't- I am aston
ished how onybody can haze time to
wrastle out O. it.
As A clam bake was recently embark
ing for Palmer's island, gentleman on
the wharf observed that the Jennie was
not large enough to accommodate all.
"No," was replied by another, "prob-
ably some will go by another conven-
ience." One old fellow says it is no use
talking about hard times; most every
body in New Bedford seems TO have
money enough to GO and see the CEN
turion. A young man recently inquired
in music store for scared song. book,
which he said was advertised.-NeW
Bedford Sentinel.
HE'LL GATE POETRY.
The lunatics on Blackwell's island
sang this on Sunday at high noon:
Sing song of 'splosions
With nitro-glycerine,
Thirty tons of dynamite
Down ia mine.
| When the mine Is touched of
The paues will 20 masse;
! Won't that be dainty thing
For them that ..put in glass;"
| The Generals at the battery,
| Fixing key and cup;
! The GLACIERS at the counter,
Mixing putty up;
| The citizen is anxious
Ly awaiting for the shock;
BY and By he'll know II his house
| Is built on gnsissic rock.
A BREWER has patented a new bever-
age called "Jewish beer" Hebrews 1t
himself, you know.-M Y. Com. ADJ.
Don't Jewish you had somel-BostOn
Globe. Shame This Isreally too
bad.- Worcester Press. But Judear
people, the beer Israelite and pleasant.
Providence Journal. Scribes, cease
this Babylon. You deserve Canaan
for your Levite-y.-B Boston Advertiser.
Jerusalem What an awful Jews-d-
esprit Moss bad asif we had perpetrated
them ourselves. -NorristotOn Herald.
Nothing new about that beer. Our
grandmother always drank Beersheba
rewed herself, and it was Dan good beer,
too.-Burlinqton Ha,Ok-Eye. Yes, you
Adah Booz on the old lady's beer and
she gave you Jesse. None OF w Aaron
il but Medad. Lemon Time Id6te.
In Despairing state.
"Well, uncle, how is the cause OF re-
liqion getting on in your neighbour
hood? p" "Mighty poor-mighty poor"
emo new converts, ehl" "Not a sim
ole one-not de sign of one." "What
seems to be the mattera" asked the citi-
zen. after a lengthy pause. ode matter