The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1876-10-05
Driving the Cow.

Driving the Cow.
Mr.. Forbes is rather q nervous man,
and 1t is not surprising that when Mrs.
Forbes told him yesterday morning that
the COW had got out at the front gate,
he was SO startled and annoyed, he
made some d~isiointed illusions to the
scene of General Newton's dynamite
explosions. When he went out the COW
was standing very quietly in the street
just in front of the gate, chewing her
cud, best navy, and looking as though
she were trying to think of something
mean to say. Mr.. Forbes got around in
front of her, raised both his hands above
his head, and, extending his arms,
waved them slowly up and down, at the
same time calculating, "Shoo! shoe,
there, l say! Shoot" The low turned
her cud over to the other side, and
gazed at the apparition in some aston
ishment, and then began to back away
and to get around it. 1t is a
remarkable fact, that we have v
heard Prof. Huxley explain, that q COW
is perfectly willing to 60 in any direc-
ton save the one In which you at
tempt to drive her. When the COW be-
gan to back, Mr.. Forbes slowed
up with his arms and assumed a
more coaxing tone. When the COW
started to make a flank movement off
to the right, Mr.. Forbes kept In front
of her by siding ncross in the same
direction, at the same time raising his
voice and accelerating the movement
OF his arms. As the cow made several
cautious diversions and Ieconnoisances
this way and that, Mr.. Forbes was
compelled to keep up a kind of Chinese
cotillion, dancing to and fro across the
road, keeping time with his shutting
feet and waving hands, and the chill
dren on their way to school gathered in
little groups on the sidewalk and view
ed the spectacle with great interest, al
ternately cheering the COW and encour-
aging Mr.. Forbes, as one side or the
other would gain a little advantage.
When the COW would make a short, de-
termined rush, causing Mr.. Forbes to
scuttle across the street, in a perfect
whirlwind of dust and sticks and a
rafting volley of "Hi! hoo-y! shoe,
there! hoo.y!" the enthusiasm
Of the audience was unbounded.
Once, Mr.. Forbes got the COW
fairly cornered and headed her right in
to the gate, but just as the gray light of
victory fell upon his uplifted face, Mrs.
Forbes came charging out in mad pur-
suit of a flock Of geese that had taken
advantage of the open gate to stroll in
and have a nip at the house plants on
the back porch. Squawking, whooping
and screaming, the flying geese and the
pursuing column came out like a runa-
way edition of chaos, and the COW gave
a snort of terror and turned short upon
MIR. Forbes, who tossed his hands more
wildly and shouted more v~ociferously
than ever and got out of the way with
neatness and dispatch, just as the COW
went by with the swif.ness of a golden
opportunity or a vagrant thought. Mr..
Forbes's blood was up and he was
bound to head off that COW if it was in
the power of man. Spurred to intense
energy by the derisive shouts of the
children he bent his head and picked
up his flying feet. They got
a pretty fair start, Forbes and the COW,
and as they swept up the street, they
could look into each others eyes and
glare defiance while they spurred the
dust with flying feet. Mr.. Forbes ran
until his eyes seemed bursting out of his
head and his very soul seemed to be in
his legs, the pe~rspiration started out of
every pore, under fire pressure, every
time he struck the ground with his boot
he thought he felt the earth shake, and
yet though he tugged and sweat and
strained until the landscape was yellow
as corn meal before his blood. shot ewes,
ne couldn't gain a hairs breadth on
the stumbling, awkward cow that went
sprawling and kicking along by his side,
filling the soft Sebtember air with such
. wild, tumultuous, horrible jangling
Of bells that Forbes make up his mind
to throw the bell away the moment he
got the COW home. The people on the
streets stopped and waved their hand.
and cheered enthusiastically as the pro,
cession swept past, ladies leaned out O,
the windows and smiled sweetly on tn,
man and cow alike. Once Forbes STUN
bled over a crossing and had to tax,
steps twenty-three feet long for tn,
next half block to keep from falling
and he was sure he was split clear vi
TO the chin and would have to buttol
his trousers around his neck forever af
terward, but he wouldn't give in to
COW II he died for it. At the next cor
ner the COW turned off down a sid,
street; Forbes shot across the Sidewalk
for a thort cut, and the mex instant h,
went crashing half way through a lat
ticed tree-box. A street.ca
driver stopped his car ant
assisted Mr.. Forbes to a sitting
posture, leaned him up against a fence
and went on with his train. And n
Mr.. Forbes sat in a dazed kind of way
mechanically rubbing the dust and dir
of his coat and pinning up long gashcl
and grimly grinning a%pertures in hi
clothes, there came to his ears the dis
tant tinkle of a far away COW bell, thu
mellowed sound rising and falling il
tender cadences, with a dreamy sway
ing melody as though the bell was some
where over in the adjoining county
and the COW that wore 1t was waltzins
along over a country road a thousant
miles q minute. -Burhngton Rawk-eye