Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-01-20
Lovers by Proxy.

A----~ t4a ef@tt9 =
If one cannot be lover oneself the
next beet thing il W make love on some
body else's account. AT least no seem 70
think large number OF persons who are
never so happy a. when they are up "a
their Dccks in matters matrimonial and
things pertaining thereto These synpa-
thetic souls are firmly convinced that they
have been born into the world for pro-
noting marriages and loye.making, and
they are, consequently, continually laying
traps for the unwarY. Ii you are gentle
man who has notyctsuccumbed tothc fas-
cinations Of some charming young iadyto
the extent of putting your head through
the moose Of wcdlock, you may soon learn
how very kind these beneficent beings can
be, and how encrgctically they can work
on their behalf OF course II is assumed
1iat you ought " get married. and that
you would do 30 II you could only get
the chance This much being taken for
granted, II IL considered that II will only
be an act OF Kindness TO hurry you on 70
bliss somewhat quicker indeed, than you
seem inclined to 20. Yon are told that
you ought TO do as your dear, charitable
friends desire, and II IL not very long be-
fore host Of excellent and fascinating
young ladies are picked out for you 10
choose from. II IL no strange thing for
you not 10 know your own mind In refer
ence W the sweet creatures; perhaps, In
deed, you are In such a helpless state that
you signally fail 10 dream orthink OF any.
one in particular. Your good angels
have, therefore, no option but 10 make a
choice for you. Having resolved 10 do SO
ID ~ not very long before they mark out a
definite course tor themselves to pursue.
They have seen you speak W Miss Brown
and look abscntmindcd as you shook her
hand, aud this Is regarded as proof con.
elusive that you are In love, though AZ u
matter Of fact you looked abscnt.rnindcd
because you had suddenly remembered
that your tailor had sent you an impcrti.
ncnt letter, IN re u certain little account
and that you had forgotten 10 answer II as
you had Intended to do. However, IL hay.
Ing been settled that you have lost your
heart 10 Miss Brown, and 1t having also
been settled that the dear girl only needs
20 be asked 10 tell you that she Is yours
forever, and II having further been dc.
cidcd that the pair Of you are emincntly
suited for each other, series Of clever
strategic maneuvcrs are executed. You
and Miss Brown, In the first place, are
taken under the wing Of those who are
constituting themselves the presiding
spirits of your destiny, These spirits are
generally feminine ones, and often have
houses Of their own and husbands, tie
latter OF whom they succeed In making
unwilling parties 10 their plots. One day
you receive an invitation 10 visit Mrs.
Matrlmony at her house, and 10 your AS
constituent you discover Miss Brown.
This IL but the beginning, however. In
due course you find yourself sitting by the
beguiler--quite by accident you innocent
iy iinagine--und by and by To you falls
the delightful task Of pioneering her 70
supper, or OF turning over her music ~
she sings some love song Meanwhile
your movements are scrutinl2ed with the
kcenest interest, aud your conduct cxcites
no small amount or critlcism you
would, no doubt, be astonished 10
learn how guilty and love.stricken
You look. After few moves of
this sort the affair isregarded as settled
When Mrs. Matrimony takes leave Of you
she smiles and smirks in an awfully pro.
found manner, making believe that she
knows everything, and could tell u great
deal IL she only chose 10 do so. Then she
makes inslnuations In the presence OF you
and Miss Brown which cause the pair OF
you " blush and look unconinonly stu.
pid, at which her delight reaches a crown.
Ing pitch. No doubt she will call you a
sly dog. and Miss Brown deep one--at
amy rate, by implication there Is no
doubt, also, that she will more than once
20 tp the trouble Internationally Inform
ing you what dear, good, vlrtuous,
amiabie, lady like girl Miss Brown ~,
and what u nice little fortune she will
have Besides all this, sine spreads re-
ports abroad to The effect that II IL only a
question OF time as 10 when you will
finally bring the matter 10 a head, and she
does her best 10 hasten your movements
by lying In visit for you at the churches,
al theaiers, at parties, at bazaars, ut
soireos, on promenade and In the streets,
with Miss Brown ut her heels She would
bc very angry with you Ii she imagined
that you would have the audecity to
choose wife for yourself In spite of her
4 selection. Ofcourse, yotiaoften fall u vic.
tim "a her wilcs, but when you do so you
do not choose 10 think that your wife has
been chosen for you, and that she has,
practically, been courted by proxy--that,
IN a word. the match has been brought
about by clever schemers in whose hands
you hive beenas plastic NJ putty.
Often, however, you do not marry Miss
Brown, but carry into effect your prefer.
encc for Miss Green; then there Is d
storm. In which you suffer. You have
acted very badly, cries one; they never
thought that you could be guilty Of such
conduct, say others, and so IL comes about
that you are considered black sheep
whom H. IL dangerous for, transporting
and innocent maidens 70 approach, Per.
haps, hi some instances, Miss Brown her
self thinks that she has been scandalous-
lyill.used, and that II II q shame that the
retributiye hand ofsjustice does not over.
take you. YOU lcifA In \ roundabout
way thatt' young nhcA should not do suck
rthings, Il they dc ma mean something"
1t may be that 20 skiliNlly have you been
that you Yourself feel more
.or less guilty and ashamed OF what you
have done, though you may angrIly
bewai that Il Is very hard that
a fellow cannot say n few civil
ahings TO ii gid or l6okNt hrr without
everyone jumping to the conclusion that
il he IL not engaged 10 her he ought TO
Ia II Ia afranVn inlpad III ypn rpa1ize