The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-05-11

WSoAWS ~ WILL wings "a al army ~
pretty sure way to make it fly.
swinging is Said by the doctors to DO
good exercise for the health, but many
poor wretch has come to his death by It.
London Punch:-{At = party He-
"Shall we sit down?'' Shelf should
like to- but my dressmaker says must
! The time III has /, passed when man can
make himself famous by selfsought mar
tyrdom. It is called ;" TOM oolery' in
this realistic age. - ~ r., ~,
/: "A tar,heel' received . postal card
at the Concord IN. C.) postoftice, the other
day-the first ons he ever saw-and vain.
ly essayed to open It.
Kentucky taxes three-year old dog
twice as much as one-year old dog. This
is On the principle that the colder the dog
the bigger his bari. ~ 'Ft' " = f5H
Said young lady: 81, had. my ears
bored for the benefit Of my eyes" Said
another: II had mine bored for, the
benefit of my husbands eyes," IL,
The Chicago. Times wants to know If
1--WE fellows whose grandfathers fought
in the Revolution" are not. going to- have
our expenses paid to the Centennial?
-Brading, in Ahe Isle Of, Wight is a
remarkable localiAh. 1t has ! towns hall
10x6, and levies txsasto bay tie expense
Of lighting the town with nine oil lamps:
.---When Wyoming woman is up.
braided for selling her vote for a stick of
gum, she politely but firmly informs her
annoyer that she shall do just as she
chews. emf, .,,,
-"Can you see me, dearest?" said a
Chicago man to his dying wife. "Tell
me, can you see mer' NO." she family
whispered, "but can smell your breath. ="
IN. Y. Herald. : .. r.: r
~ 81 never complained of my condition
but once" said an old man, when my
feet were bare and I had no money to buy
shoes; but met a man without feet, and
became contented." go, -. ,2.... .
81 shall be!" and II might have
been." The former is the music Of youth,
sweet as the music Of silver bells; tie lat.
ter the plant of age, the dirge Of hope,
the inscription for a tomb. =.
Gushing idiot-How sublime this
srinking is! By Jove, could rink with
you as partner through life-zcould you!
Young lady-Well, 1 don't know; you
zee it all depends on your rinkome!
-" No, indeed" said Mrs. Spilkins, when
Leander falsely. accused her of wanting q
back pew in church so as to see the spring
'bonnets. "No, indeed, I wouldn't be
capable of any such vermifuge as that"
| ,--Mary-"1 say, Mrs. Mccarthy, this
'ere's bad cabbage" "Shure now, and
Is il, honey! Then pick another. Bless
| yer, young cabbages is like sweethearts
you must thry half dozen fore We get a
good wan"
"A crevasse at -" DEVILS Elbow, ION the
| Mississippi, has shortened the distance be-
| tween Memphis and Cairo eighteen miles.
One ofthe islands twenty-five miles above
Memphis is disappearing rapidly, and an.
other is being formed.
"A New Hampshire paper says that
the English sparrow which drives out
native birds is a good deal like the distin.
guished foreign counts who are reported
at our summer watering. places, and who
usually turn out to be Bavarian BARRIERS
Or something of that sort. ".5.~'
| He entered a car door. When the
brakeman came inside and took key out
of his pocket, unlocked the stove, put in
/ some wood and locked the door again. he
asked him what he locked the stove dool
for. The brakeman shut his left eye, and
said he locked the, door so the fire couldn't
60 out.
Ia drunken passenger in a Boston
street-car pulled the strap violently and
rang the bell ut each end. "Here! here
what's the matter. with ,yer?n'' yelled the
conductor. "What are yer ringing the
bell at both ends for!" Because, ;" re-
piled the passenger, with great contempt
s.because lhic) | want both ends Of the
4 (hic) Car to stop"
AS amber attracts straw, so does
beauty attract admiration, which only
lasts while the warmth continues: but vir'
tue, wisdom, goodness and real worth
like the loadstOne, never lose their power
These are the true graces which are linked
and tied hand in hand, because IT, Isl BY
their influence that the human hearts arc
20 firmly united to each other.
/ "A young woman, nineteen years old
living near San Jose, CAL, corresponded
with q young man attending the
University Of the Pacific. He always adj
dressed her by an endearing epithet. Ont
lay he wrote y. letter that contained moth
ing of the, sort. Thereupon the younl
woman, with pistol, blew her few brainl
out. Anarrow escape for theyoung man
E44.-"Ah! Mrs. Dasher," said gushing
Mrs. Simpleton, during her morning cali
"how delightfully."- that bouquet of violets
and roses perfumes your parlors." Dr.
you really notice it? replied the widow
with a smile of ill-concealed triumph
"Why, they're only artificial, my deal
Mrs. Simpleton." That evening whe1
Simpleton came home he found his wifi
confined to her bed with high fever, anG
no supper ready.-N. Y. Commercial I'D
He is q nice little boy who lives il
i Erie, Pa. They had q performance in thu
Opera House, and he stationed himself a
the head of the stairway, and said 81
sweetly and naturally, Z" Tickets, please, >
and they gave him the tickets, but soor
they came to a big burly man at a door
who wanted tickets, too, and wouldn't lei
them In because they had noAe.E Aid tn,
). nice little boy went with his friends to tn,
show, and they couldn't find him shere tt
pay him for being doorkeeper.
The magnet of SC, 900 pound power il
man can't stand within block of it anC
without having it snatched oft Of hi
A0lNS 0AA NAoWA 0S0AASt 1AO A0EuOl -" III
force which shivers it to atoms. PEG
r pie coming home with purchases in tn.
hardware line haye to- give it aWide berth
and lien boys afe warned net<0< 3o2 hsa
It with shingle-nails in their pockets
Erehange..
i Bret Harte is reported to have said Q
his stories: "Of course am glad tn
public appreciate my sketches of the cd,
characters frequently met on the, Pacif
slope; but you and I and every othe
Californian know that have not done hal
justice to the subjects, considering the ms
terial at hand. have just stuck the picl
y In and struck paying pocket. Some
body else will come along and prospec
/, in the same hole and strike the tru
vein.'' r. HEG sygY6s.
PORTLAND cement takes its name from
its rSeu1blane 10 thea9lshrueH Pm
land: &oAe, quhnied or Portland 4s1ahd
England It is used in the construction
Of piets, docks, cassf0niss fact,7 noi1,