The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-04-13
How Mark Twain Edited an Agricul-
tural Paper.


ship of an agricultural paper without
misgivings. Neitherwoul landsman
take command of ship without mis-
! givings. But | was in circumstances
that made the salary an object. The
regular editor of the paper was going
off for a holiday, and accepted the
terms he offered and took his place.
The sensation of being at work again
was luxurious, and l wrought all the
week with unfagging pleasure. We
went to press, and waited a day, with
! some sOlicitude, to see whether my eff
fort was going to attract any notice.
As l left the office toward sundOwn,
group of men and boys at the foot of
| the stairs dispersed with one impulse,
and gave me passage-way, and heard
one of them say: That's himl" | was
n turally pleased by this incident. the
next morning found a similar group at
the foot OF the stairs, scattering couples
and individuals standing here and there
in the street, and over the way, watch
ing me with interest.
The group separated and fell back as
| approached, and | heard man say:
Look at his eye!" l pretended not
to observe the notice | was attracting,
but secretly was pleased with it, and
was purpOsing ID write an account of it
to my aunt. | went up the short flight
of stairs and heard CHEEKY voices and
ringing laugh as l drew near the door,
which | opened, and caught glimpse
of two young rural-looking men, whose
faces blanched and heightened when
= 4h,Or- I,Oy hot
ed through the window with a great
crash. | was surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentle
man, with flowing beard and fine
but rather austere face, entered and sat
down at my invitation. He seemed TO
have something on his mind. He took
off his hat and set it on the floor, and
got out of it red silk handkerchief,
and copy of our paper.
He put the paper in his lap, and,
while he polished his spectacles with his
handkerchief, he said, ''Are you the
new editor?'
l said was.
"Have you ever edited an agricul-
tural paper before?"
"No,n said 1, "this is my first at
tempt"
every likely. Have you had any
experience in agriculture practically"
"No; | believe | have nOt.n
Some instinct told me so," said the
old gentleman, putting on his specta-
cles and looking over them with asperi-
ty, while he folded his paper into a
convenient shape. "Iwish to read you
what must have made me have that in
stinct. 1t was this editorial. Listen and
see if it was you that wrote it:
" 'Turnips should never be pulled; it
INJURIES them. 1t is much better to send
boy up and let him shake the tree
" Now, what do you think of that?-
for / really suppose you wrote it,"
"Think of it? Why, l think it is
good. | think it is sense. l have no
doubt that every year millions and mil
lions of bushels of turnips are spoiled
in this township alone by being pulled
in half ripe condition, when if they had
sent boy up to shake the tree"
"Shake your grandmother! Turnips
don't grow on trees!"
"Oh, they don't, don't they? Well,
who said they did? The language was
intended to be figurative-wholly figU-
rative. Any body that knows any thing
will know that | meant that the boy
should shake the vine."
Then this old person got up and tore
his paper all into small shreds, and
stamped on them, and broke several
! things with his cane, and said | did not
know as much as a cow; and then went
| out and banged the door after him,
/ +ol IN, haf
| fancied he was displeased about some
thing. But, not knowing what the trou-
BILE was, [ could not be any help to
| him.
Pretty soon after this long, cadaver-
Gus creature, with lanky locks hanging
down to his shoulders and a weeks
stubble bristling from the hills and val
| levs of his face, darted within the door,
and halted motionless, with finger on
lin. and head and body bent in listening
attitude. No sound was heard. Still
he listened. No sound. Then he
turned the key of the door, and came
elaborately tiptOeing toward me till he
was within long reaching distance of
me, when he stopped, and, after scan
ming my face with intense interest
awhile, drew folded copy of our pa
paper from his bosom and said:
"There, you wrote that. Read it to
me quick. Relieve me. l suffer"
read as follows, and as the sentences
fell from my lips L could see the relief
come. | could see the drawn muscles
relax, and the anxiety go out of the
face, and rest and peace steal over the
features like the merciful moonlight
over desolate landscape:
"The guano is a fine bird but great
care is necessary in rearing it. 1t
should not be imported earlier than
June or later than September. In the
winter it should be kept in warm
place, where it can hatch out its young.
cit is evident that we are to have
backward season for grain. Therefore,
it will be well for the farmer to begin
setting out his cornstalks, and planting
/ his buckwheat cakes in June instead OF
August.
Concerning the pumpkin. This ber-
rv is a favorite with the natives Of the
interior of New England, who prefer it
to the gooseberry for the making of
| fruit cake. and who likewise give it the
] preference over INC IdS pDCIiJ lOl 1OCu-
ing cows, as being more filling and fu.-
Iy as satisfying. The pumpkin is the
only esculent of the orange family that
will thrive in the North, except the
gourd and one or two varieties of the
SQUASH. But the custom of planting it
in the front yard is fast going out OF
vogue, for it is generally conceded that
the pumpkin as a shade tree is failure.
"Now, as the warm weather ap-
proaches, and the ganders begin to
spawn"
The excited listener sprang toward
me to shake hands and said:
"There, there-that will do. L know
am all right now, because you haye
read it just as | did word for word. But,
stranger, when first read it this morn
inc, / said to myself, never, never be-
lieyed it before, Notwithstanding my
friends kept me under watch so strict,
but now believe | am crazy; and with
that | fetched howl that you might
have heard two miles, and started out