The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1876-06-16
VARIETIES.

The key to the Penitentiary-Wh
key.
1t has been found that in nearly
every civilized country the tree that
bears the most fruit for market is the axle
tree
What is the difference between n
crockcry dealer and ii cabinet maker p
One sells tea sets, and the other set
tees
| When loaicr enters the sanctum of
il busy editor and the editor SAYS =
Glad to see you're back" what does he
--"Donl stretch your mouth any wider"
said u dentist to n man who was extend
ing his jaw trightfully, "as | intend to
stand outside during the operation"
Il narrowly escaped being cut off
| with shilling" said IL solemn young man.
Glow did you escape it 2" asked by
starder. "My father had no shilling" was
the solemn reply.
-"Ah, Jenny said sympathizing
friend tn II man who was just too late for
the train, "you did not run fast enough
"Yes did," said Jenny, "but / didn't
start soon enough"
A man with large family was com
planning Of the difficulty of supporting
them. But" said ii friend, "you have
sons big enough to help YOU" "The diff,
ticulty is" said the man, "they are too
big"
-"Why is it, my dear sir" said Waf-
fles' landady to him the other day, "that
you newspaper men never get rich 2" 81
don't know" was his reply, except it is
that dollars and sense do not always travel
| together
professor" said student in pursuit
of knowledge concerning animals, "why
does cat, when eating, turn her head
first one way and then another" "For the
reason," said the professor, that she can't
turn it both ways ut once"
A sailor boy fell from the round top
to the deck, stunned, but little hurt. The
captain exclaimed in surprise "Why
where did you come from 2" "From the
north of Ireland, yer honor" was the
prompt reply, as the poor fellow gathered
himself up.
An English journal gives the follow
ing advice to housekcepers whose carpets
are in danger from the attacks of moth.
Take wet sheet or other cloth lay it
upon the carpet, and then run n hot iron
over it, so as to convert the water into
steam, which permeates the carpet beneath
and DESTROYS the life Of the inchoate moth"
Lieutenant Metcalfe has arranged ON
the north and east walls of the Centennial
Building a collection of arms in such n
manner as to show the gradual develop
mcnt of the rifle from the long, heavy
muzze- loading musket, down to the arm
now adopted by the Government. The
first is placed in the hands of figure
dressed as Committeeman" of the revolu-
ton. 1t has the old flint lock and large
bore which characterize those historic
arms The first l-loading arm ever
adopted extensively by any government
was adopted 10y the U. States in 1878.
- Lawyers are sometimes very particular.
The other day one was waited upon 10y II
young man, who began by saying,
INV father died and made a will"
us it possible9 Inever heard of such a
thing" answered the lawyer.
ii thought it happened every day." said
the young man; "but if there is to be amy
difficulty about it, | had better give you n
fee to attend to the business"
The fee WINS given, and then the lawyer
observed
"Oh | think know what you mean
You mean that your father made win
and died-yes, yes; that must he it,"
Two literary ladies were lately witness
es in q trial One of them, upon hearing
the usual questions asked, "What is YOU
name2" and "How old are youS" turned
to her companion and said:" do not like
to tell my age; not that have any objec
ton to its being known, but don't want i
published in all the newspapers" "Well,
said the witty Mrs. s., 81 will tell yo,
how to avoid it. You have heard the Oh
lection to all hearsay evidence; tell then
you don't remember when you were born
and all you know of it is by hearsay.'
The ruse took, and the question was no
pressed.