The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1876-09-28
A1uHdfal
D. P. ON BOB INGERSOLL.
Mt. PARNAssUs, Sept. IS, 1876.
pRITIIANT BOB.

Logan, Ben Eggleston and Senator BOOT
Unless something ofthis sort is done, tn
day is not distant when the Columbian
orator, like the Dodo, will be extinct.
Iran up here for few days fishing
and, between bites, have dipped into th'
political literature whichyou and kindret
prints have so literally given the penslv'
public. doubt whether we could stanc
much continuous reading of this Sort
know an old fellow in Washington City
who reads the Congressional Record, anc
Iregard him with the same curiosity
do the Lightning Calculator, or the mar
who, for twenty years, attended daily tc
his business in Cincinnati and went ou
to Glendale to sleep. They tried to xii
that man by telescoping trains, bHt when
they lifted the locomotive from above his
mangled remains, to the amazement he
sat up and complained of the conductor
punching the commutation ticket But
doubt whether the lightning calculator
or the man who read the Congressional
record or the Glendale rooster, could dc
more of the Columbian orator than, say
five minutes day. Think of taking
Ben Eggleston or John Logan or Booth
in on our intellect as steady diet They
are apple dumpling with the apples omit
ted, while Bob Ingersoll resembles dish
called float, that is very filling and ex.
hausting.
Looked at from one stand point, Bob is
an amusing cuss, and expect enjoys
himself the ludicrous aspect OF the sltu-
alton. Here is gentleman who does
not believe in God and does believe in
Jim Blaine, A man who gave the best
years of his life to hunting down fugitive
slaves is now devoting the remainder of
his time on earth to save Cuff from intim-
idation at the polls. He is dreadfully
alarmed about that colored persons po-
litical condition. the man who attacks
the Bible as fraud and demoralizing
agency of priestcraft; the main orator of
aparty terribly exercised lest the Bible be
notread in the common schools; the pat
riot who objects to Tilden's transfer from
New York to Washington because ofthe
lmcenous tendency of the New York
Democracy, now advocates the reten-
ton of Sherman, Morton, Spencer, But
Ter, and the army of thieves that Hayes
is to clean out.
There is keen sense of humor in the
American people, and they enjoy the cool
audacity of this political gymnast-and
believe Bob thinks it good fun himself.
Let us see. Bob is no fool, and he
knows when he moves to the front of an
audience with the clear ringing sentences
as the champion of Blaine that in all he
says in behalf of his clients talents and
audacity, his strange combination Of tact
and pluck, he is treading on hard pan,
but when he gets step beyond, either in
attacking an opponents honesty or eu-
logizing that Of his friend, the whole af.
fair becomes a roaring farce to those who
know. Bob knows, we know, but the
pensive public is so blindly ignorant, or
so Indifferent, or both, that the man who
laughs himself at virtue may be palmed
off as purity itself.
This is the Columbian orator. Itmeans
man who studies elocution, arranges
gestures, modulates his voice, gets up
his anecdotes and hits, fixes the place
for weeping, puts in the laughter, and
treats his subject as lawyer does his
client-something to be sustained to the
best advantage, let the orators convic-
tions be what they may. This style of
thing is disappearing from the forum,
and in time Bob lngersoll will be like the
dodo, as have said, an extinct species.
AS tits, he is only curiosity, and | doubt
whether even the ignorant crowd he en-
tertains separate with other feeling than
that excited by the cracking and flashing
Of fire works.
They doubt his sincerity, and we'll they
may. He is so eloquent in behalf ofthe
poor soldier; and what has his party done
for the boy in blue1 They have realized
n him. He votes them into office, and
in turn receives, if cripple, the position
of door keeper at Washington. One
would judge, from the howl that went up
when the Democratic party failed to
reappoint the poor C. that the Repub-
licans had really made him President or
given him heavy contract. For every
dollar paid genuine widow, orphan or
wounded man FIVE are stolen under a
sham. The President himself, in one of
his messages, called attention to the
frauds that under the name Of pensions
deplete the Treasury. A proposition was
made to take the Pension Bureau from
the politicians and give it to the Surgeon
General-frst because the same machine
ry now under the Surgeon General would
do the work, and so dispense with an
army Of paid agents; and secondly, be-
cause the work would be done honestly.
But when brilliant Bob's political friends
geta bill hold on good thing there is no
shaking them off.
So much for the live soldier, and now
for the dead. Bob's political friends con-
tracted with some Yankees to dig up cof-
fms and deliver at certain cemeteries the
dead of the Union army. The resurrec-
tionists were to receive so much body
for their services. The keen eyed Yam
kee contractors went for the Union dead,
and, exhausting them, they went for the
Confederate dead, and, exhausting them,
they went for the negro grave yards, and,
exhausting the supply of departed darkies
they went for mule bones and remains Of
old horses. And this miscellaneous col
lection of Union men, Confederates,
dead darkies and horse and mule bones
John Logan, Ben Eggleston and other
Columbian orators go out and strew flow
ers over and weep. John and Ben and
other Columbian orators know that half
the graves are shams, but they strew and
weep all the same. But after all this
burying and wailing Of toot horns, flower
strewing and burning eloquence, it was
found some thing more could be made
out of the dead boy in blue in the way of
tomb stones. An appropriation was
made providingevery grave. Union, con-