Ellsworth American., 1876-11-16
Stoves.



This Is the season when the rural house
holder brings forth the stove from its six
months Imprisonment. and with fear and
trembling undertakes the dangerous task
OF putting 1t up. Few fatal stove casualties
have as yet been reported, hut the sudden
and enormous increase in the demand for
arnica and divorces which is shown by the
records OF rural druggists and rural courts
is a sad proof ofthc danger which menaees
the man who grspples with large and
violent stove.
There is melancholy samencss in the
manner In which the stove displays its un-
willingness to be handled BY man. Like
the scorpion. which argues with its tail. the
stove uses its artculsted pipe as its instru-
ment of attack aud defense. So long as the
householder confines himself to carrying
the stove from place to plsce, il rarely at
taCks him; but no sooner does he NEEDLE
with its pipe than its fury Is aroused His
first effort Is TO connect the lower joints OF
the pipe with one another, and here is he
met by determined obstiuacy which is
worthy OF al Independent and self-poised
pig, or even OF an experienced army mule
The joints refuse 10 come together, and
btih AutlI tlltfsF low RTttlINiU
hendish thirst for human fingers. Same
times. after long struggle the wrong
joints ate forced together, and when the
householder discovers his mistake. they
refuse To be separated except at the price
OF more blood a.d additional scraps of cut
icle. Nothing but cool bravery aud deter
mined perseverance will succeed in prop
erly joining the three lower joints OF q
stove pipe. and when this victory has been
Won. .i9e KaTrtdG h5G .ehoider has mount.
ell on a step-ladder and undertakes TO place
the upper elbow on the pipe and To insert
II In the chimney that the strength. activ-
uy. and maliguity of the stove-pipe is fully
displayed. Its favorite feat is to release il
self suddenly from the hands of its antag
onist, strike his foot with its whole weight
and its sharpest edge, and then to roll on
the floor In evident commissions of Joy. Oc-
casionally the upper elbow makes Vic
ious plunge for the householder's head,
and Instances are on record In which it has
evidently torn his nose from its founda-
tions, or driven It's fangs deep into his
skull. Efforts 10 subdue 1t with clubs or
hammers are seldom effective. Usually.
the more the pipe Is pounded the more un-
ruly It becomes, and the more resolutely it
refuses to enter the chimney-hole or TO adj
here TO the stove.
Startling as the assertion NAV seem, 1t Is
by no means certain that these terrible con-
ficts are necessary. or that mankind can
not live on peaceable terms with stoves and
stove-pipes Ii Is an assumption, which is
unsustained by salts factory evidence, that
the stove Is necessarily untamable. Buff
ION, 1t Is true, asserted that the stove pos
sesses fierce and indomitable nature,
which cannot be tanned. and most subse-
quent naturalists have been content to
adopt his opinion. Mr.. Huxley, however.
who. as an animal expert, is certainly ut
the head of his profession. disputes Buff
ion's assertion and argues that inasmuch
a the law recognizes the right OF property
In stoves, it therefore implies that they are
not fer9 ndturp. and can therefore be
tanned. He has never actually tanned q
stove himself. for theory aud not practice
IS his specially. but his opinion is certainly
entitled to respect, and Is suffi cient to show
that the scientific world is not unaGimous
as 10 the alleged untamable nature sof The
stove.
There is good reason to believe that,
were the stove treated kindly and intelli-
gently, it would become as harmless as the
gate or the furnace. Professional stove
tanciers who deal in stoves never have any
difficulty with them, and can always put
up stove without exciting it to the slight
est demonstration of hostility. The aver
age householder is probably 10 very
great extent responsible for the violence
and bad temper of which he accuses his
stove. He keeps it during the summer in
close confinement. where 1t mentally rusts
and naturally grows morose. He does not
make himself familiar with it and accustom
it To be handled, but relies wholly upon
his brute strength TO keep it in subsection.
Moreover it must not be forgotten that
when he mounts the step-ladder for the de-
cisive struggle, he Is almost invariably hot
and excited. The presence OF his wife. who
stands near the foot of the ladder, express
ing those wild and mpracticable views as
to the uses of the hammer. which are so
characteristic OF her sex and 50 well adapt
ed TO madden the other, has also lis share
in increasing his nervousness aud render
ing him unit to deal with his difficult task.
In these circumstances he is apt to resort
to harsh and violent treatment when 1t Is
not needed. and he ought not to wonder if
he thereby excites the fear and resentment
of which he subsequently complains. The
mere fact that when man Is standing on
! 3 step-ladder with stoye-pipe in his hands
he betrays readiness to undervalue his
wife's intellect, and to accuse her Of ever
lastingly chattering,' speaks volumes as to
his state of mind. The dinners that follow
the season Of putting up stoves are proofs.
not of the wildness of the stoves, but ofthe
| irritability OF husbands. and it may be safe
| ly asserted that an irritable man Is unfit to
deal with stoves Or with any domestic ami.
| mails.
Let US, then. instead of fpresistently treat
ing the stove as though II were the inveter
ate enemy OF the race. try the effect Of
kindness and gentleness. Weeks before
the stove is to be put up, the pipe should
be brought out and accustomed to the
presence Of the family. Its joints shoult
be allowed to lie on the rug. or under the
table, and from time TO time they should
be gently brought in contact. so as to &C
custom them to their approaching duty
When the hour for putting up the stove ar
rives, the house older should send hi
wife out of town. and after engaging
large Irishman with club TO remain with
In call in case OF any extreme violence ol
the part OF the stove, he should proceed t
put 1t up alone. Possibly this course 0
treatment might fail OF securing the desir
ed end, but, at all events, 1t is worth try
ing. The assumption that intelligent mel
cannot live In peace with stoves Is simpl
disgraceful. and all humane persons shOul
be anxious to prove its falsity without De
'lay.-lN. Y. Times.