davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

Her CAT.-"Emeline Arnold, did
you strike yolr husband with a po-
kerr asked the court of q square
shou!dered woman without any hustle
on.
And what did he do? she squecked,
The poker question takes the pref
erence, Mrs. Arnold. Did you pie y
poker on his head Z?
You don't know what | have tc
stand for him
Answer my question, Mrs. Arnold,
Immediately.
If you knew that man as | dc
Judge. | had thirty-six dollars when
we were married five years ago, and
he has run through with every cent
Of it.
The--pokor-the poker !
Well, | did hit him, she replied,
finding herself cornerod at last.
But what did he do-answer me
that?
Well sir, he kicked a cat that has
been in cur family for three years or
more.
Is Mr.. Arnold here, asked the
court, looking over the audience.
Mr.. Arnold, with his head bound
up, had been waiting to swear against
his wife, but suddenly overtahon
with remorse he rushed out doors as
the court called.
Mrs. Arnold, you may 50 home,
said his Honor, and if you feel it
your duty to strike your husband
with a poker occasionally, | suppose
l can't help it.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
is FRIDAY AN UNI UCKY
DAY.

Some people will persist in de-
nominating Friday as "unlucky, "
notwithstanding that it is the date Of
some of the most important and most
fortunate occurrences on record of
human transactions. Let US see {: On
Friday, August 2lst, 1892, Columbus
sailed on his great voyage of discov.
cry. On Friday, October 18th, 1892,
he first discovered land: On Friday,
January 4th, 1893, he sailed on his
return to Spain, which, if he had not
reached in safety, the happy result
might never have been known which
led to the settlement of this vast con-
tincnt. On Friday, March Is, 1893,
he arrived at Palos in safety. On
Friday, November 22d, 1893, he ar
rived at Hispaniola, on his second
voyage to America.
On Friday, June 18th, l49l, he,
though unknown to himself dis
covered the continent of America.
On Friday, March 5th, 1906, Hen
ry VIII, of England gave to John
Cabot his commission, which led to
to the discovery Of North America.
This is the first American State paper
in England. On Friday, September
7, 1905, was founded st. Augustine,
Florida, the oldest town in the United
States, by more than forty years.
On Friday, November 10, 1920, the
May flower, with the Pilgrims, made
the harbor Of Provincetown and on
the same day they signed that august
compact, the forerunner Of the Fed
cral Constitution. On Friday, De-
cembcr %, 1920, The Pilgrims made
their final landing at Plymouth Rock.
On Friday, February %, 1882, George
Washington, the Father of American
Freedom, was born.
On Friday, June Is, l775, Bunker
Hill was seized and fortified. On
Friday, October T, l777, the sur
render Of Saratoga was made, which
had 50 much power and influence in
inducing France to declare for our
cause. On Friday, September p,
1850, the treason Of Arnold was laid
bare, which saved us from destruc-
ton. On Friday, October 10. 1881,
the surrender at Yorktown, the
crownins glory of American arms,
occurred. On Friday, June 7, l716,
the motion in Congress was made by
john Adams, seconded by Richard
Henry Lee, that the United Colonies
were, and Of right ought to be, free
and independent. Thus, says the
chronological Journal, we see that
Friday is not SO bad q day, after all.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
SOCIETIES..

h. T.. and A. u, No. 155-Mccts every
second and fourth Monday in each month.
Van B. Oslcr, Secretary.
X of p. No. G7-Mcct every Friday
night. IL. of Il. &. S, G. llarman.
/. O. Of O. T., 40. 4G-Alcet every
Thursday night. John Landcrs, Sccy.
MecAunicSto,rn Mule and T3alalc ScMlH-
nry-Rcv Victor Miller, Principal; Chas
L. Casscll, Secretary.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

ORPHANS COURT
Orphans Court meets every Monday aho
Tuesday Of each week.
Chief Judge-Wm. J. Black.
associotes-Thomas IIolLrunncrand Jno
HightmGn.
Register Of 7gWs-Col. John Il. kouzer'
County Commi@ioDcrS-joscph Wood
President; Samuel IIar@ctt Ezra Toms,
Daniel Biscr of j., and y. r Simmons.
Clerk to Comn,i$saoners-ll.F +. Steiner.
CoRtctor Of State aud County I"Fcs-G.
W. Miller.
County Surcyor-Wm. II. Ramsburs,
SCHOOL COMMISSIONERS.
President, John w. White; Commission
crs T., Stoncr, J. Owen, Andrew kcsslcI.
Secretary and Examiner John W. Page
JUSTICES OF TIE PEACE.
District No. 15-Fre1k White, Mrchan-
icstown; G l.. Firor, Hraccham YIN. ,
Mcpherson, Catoctin Furnace,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

button of our effects until we should
reach this place, as the dim light Of
the coach lamp would have rendered
the process somewhat difficult before.
1t was now necessary, however, that
it should be attended to at once, as
our joyial companion had previously
announced his intention of leaving us
at this point. He proposed a post
porement till after supper, which he
offered to go and order.
Nay" urged the Quaker, with
sudden abrg2tness, and laying his
hand on the others arm, business be-
fore pleasure, and for business there
is no time like the present. Will thee
be good enough to search the prison
p he said to me, still keeping his
hand in u friendly y way on the rassen-
gers arm.
| did so, but not orc Of the stolen
articles could be found.
6" lie must have gotten rid Of them
in the coach" suggested the gay gen
tIeman, and immediately offered to
50 and search.
IS op I" thundcred the Quaker
tightening his grasp.
The man turned pale, and strug-
glcl to release his arm. In an in
sta 1T one Of the pistols was leyeled at
his heart.
" Stir hand or foot, and you are a
dead man p said the Quaker, who
must have been awfuIly excited so as
to forget both the language and the
principles Of his persuasion.
Placing TIE other pistol in my
Aald with directions to fire on the
first of The two men that made sus-
picious movement, the Quaker went
to work on Lothauo, from whose
pockets, in less time than it takes to
tell it, he produced every item OF the
missing property, to the utter amaze
ment Of the ladies', who had begun in
no measured terms 10 demonstrate
against the shameful treatment the
gentleman Was receiving.
The Quaker, l need scarcely add,
was no Quaker at all, but u shrewd
detective, who had been set on the
track Of a band Of desperadocs, Of
whom our millle-a6ed frienl-who
didn't look neorly so middle-aged
with his wig cN'-was the chief.
The 70 berry had tocn adroitly
planned. The leader Of the gang
had taken possession Of a scat in tie
coach, and after learning, as lie sup
posed, our detencelcss condition, had
given the signal to his companions
by throwing out the bit Of paper
already mentioned. After the un Y
pectcd capture OF the first robber, an
+,.,o,i ,-.,,, 80, l., l., ,,,o 1l,o 1,o,l,,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
TIE QUAKER DETECTI w


WE We're i've passengers !" al
two ladies on tAe pack seat a ml''','
aged sentIemah' a quaker ana "yse'I
on the lfo:-t Inc two l"o'es lNio"'
nave 'ee'' D'"'''ei anu 0""8 I'e'' ''"'''
ana nv'ce' So'orn7's "n' cn"'0e' o'
.'-@.'' "''e S'''''''"'.' "''! o'''' ''"
I'oNS"', "'''-'' in"M'S ~ 'o.'0' 'o'
'"o '.''''V' " 't''''' ''oV''1Nl ''''''
'o4"'"' ~,
nc '-''>''''o-"7 -" - y ''''>'' "|
S9i'o"''s' '"'N'''''' "'',' ,,'''' ~ - "
up a" "'l"aIl.''''o WIN INC wv II"
''eS' 'o"",, " ,'0I"' ~ 4''' AGA ~ '(
t"e "5F'o"o,e' nc f","c' o'V!"'> -
oo"'"o' "'"I''''o' ""0 ''''',,s''"o ~ q
n4oS' "''eN'-'e { 'N''''"ci' l.V ~, ""' !
s'e''''! " 0'S '''''''', ''' ~
" o'V NV "'''"i 5"' = u 4''' '0 = '''', :,
co''',n'" '''' 'e''"' 90 ''','' ','' w.
= 90" save 49," e''"'' y '0'"7' y
SIM ''o yea" ""U nay = .A' 'Yl
myself l maze IL '''i III '"' l''0le "''
ol 'no lo'''' ~ ~ '-l''' = ''''
ana llS'ener'
Toward evening " a. ~ l''@V,' - u"
one u '"o'0 'e'oi'V' 4,'o " "!'N d
young '4o"' "''no"U eit"e' De!"o
poeV OF Io'el' VIII S0"o',N'o" l'''' y
'oe "0'"pV query i'0i' '"e '"'N'''N
5V,''.V'l''''' o.,
A'o o' Il, '10"' 80 !,
'''' ''oh -, -
10 "o"''' 'l''''y' u. inc l"v','0"'
am sorry 10 near !" nc S"i"'
lof pe'ote fo"VO'n5 our 80 lp'"5
place II VIII Do Ae'''E Ai''A'6'''' '','
we must pass over " Po'''on ol Tue
ROAD on "Alch more IMAM one lop0e'! !
IS reported 20 nave Oeeh cohimlV'eu'
Lie ''u'ea quincy P'i'' ''U '''
stranger old MS Oes' 10 reaSSore 'neln'
Nct mat l 'A''N 'here IS 'Ne
slightest oahoef a' present. lie re-
Someo; only "lieh one !" res po'lS1-
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

NnCC-Sllcc-On! Is HOSt ucl-lSll-
Ishl-- -ishi-mast del-ishi-
Hang it, shall sneczc till spring y
Snuff is Il delicious thing"
An ulster overcoat covers multi
tude Of sins.
Heat generates motion. lllustra-
tion-A small boy sitting on hot
coal.
Why is it no crime to pick chrome
agents pocket? Because he has
pictures.
Why is dew like a falling star? One
is mist on earth, and the other missed
from heaven.
Why is your wife like dynamite ?
Because she's apt to blow you up if
roughly handled.
A good many New Workers leave
the straight and narrow path to walk
in the Broadway.
Young men are advised to set good
examples, because young men are al
ways following them.
Shoes of calfskin, laced on the in
step, are worn with heavy broad soles
and low heels by men.
Teacher: What is the definition of
Irritation? Intelligent young pupil:
1t is attention without intention.
The best paper now issued is the
greenbacks signed by Treasurer New.
1t is not on our exchange list, how
ever.
1t is said the reason that Boston
detectives use an axe to enter gamb-
ling house is because they want to get
the chips.
Trying to do business without adj
vertising is like winking at pretty
girl in the dark you may know wkat
you are doing, but nobody else does.
There is one Detroit man who doesn't
put on the gloves any more for exer-
else. The doctors are feeling the back
of his head in hopes Of finding his
nose.
A North Carolina editor will dress
his paper in mourning for $40, if any
one dies and his liberal terms have
endearel him to the hearts Of a whole
country.
What's the difference between an
old topper ard u profane man? Only
that the one swears often times i'll t.
course of month, and the other
swears of ten times during the same
period.
AS old Mr.. - hoaved the last
scuttle of four tons of coal in his cellar,
he was heard to remark: If they had
been boys instead Of girls, it wouldn't
have been thus. One ton would last
all winter.
It was Daniel Webster, wasn't it,
who said there is always room at the
top? The man who counted forty cats
on the roof of a Chicago tenement
says there WASH room at the top for
another one.
A young man who went about yes
terday morning snuhing and blowing
his nose, explained TO a friend that she
didn't have ady fire id the parlor Sud-
day nighd, a'd id was was blade code.
Then you won't lend me that dime
novel, eh ? asked one boy Of another.
No, | won't. All right, then next
time our chimney burns out you shan t
come into the yard and whoop and
holler.
A correspondent wants to know the
best way to become literary man.
Well, the quickest way is for him to
make a short voyage to sea. He will
very likely become contributor to
the Atlantic.
A Detroit boy paid his first visit to
one of the union schools the other
day as a scholar, and, as he came
home at night his mother inquired
Well, Henry, how do you like going
to school? Bully, he replied in an
excited voice. l saw four boys licked,
one girl get her ear pulled, and big
scholar burned his elbow on the stove.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

lessness in having unnecessarily intro
duced disagreeable subject, the gen.
tleman quite excelled himself in ais
efforts to raise the spirits Of the COM
pany, and succeeded so we'll by the
time night set in, that all had quite
forgotten their fears, or only remem-
bered them to laugh at them.
Our genial companion fairly talked
himselfhoarse, Perceiying which, he
took from his pocket a package OF
newly invented "cough candy" and
after passing it first to the ladies, he
helped himsel. to the remainder, and
tossed the paper out Of the window.
lie was in the midst Of high enco-
miums on the new nostrum, more
than half the efficacy Of which he in
sisted, depended on its being taken
by suction, when a shrill whistle was
heard, and Immediately the coach
stopped, and two faces, Aideously
blackenel, presented themselves, one
at each window -
Sorry to trouble you, sad the
man on the right, acknowledging with
a bow two lady-like screams from the
back seat; but business is business,
and ours will soon be over II things
go smoothly"
"Of course, gentlemen, YOU "III
spare as far as may be consistent with
your di*a8reeab!e duty, the feelings
Of these ludies?' appealed tie polite
passenger ia the Lla"deat manner.
"Oh, certainly was the reply !;
"thoy shall be first attended to, and
shall not be required to leave their
places or submit to a search, unless
their conduct renders it necessary.
And now, ladies, continued the
robLer, the barrel Of his pistol gIeam-
ing in the light Of the coach-lamp,
be 50 good as to pass out your
purses, watches, and such other trim
kcts as may be accessible without
murn trhublC
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

There are 100000 milch coys
in this country, and 26,000,000 times
day does the cry Of so there y as
cond to the skies.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

DlDN'T TAKE IT.-She entered a
drug store to wait for her husband to
drive around with the team, and,
catching sight of some tooth brushes,
she asked the price.
"Twenty cents" replied the clerk
"What!' she exclaimed.
" twenty cents, and bargain they
are.
She balanced one on her loft hand
and, gesticulating vigorously with the
other, she continued:
You don't tell me that this ere
thing is twenty cents, when | can buy
hose brush, with ten times as many
hairs in it, for the same price y
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

A dentist advertises that he inserts
teeth cheaper than anybody else. The
dog that guards our house Will do it
much cheaper
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
Stletfed Hothy.

iSCIENIIF COCN1SLII.
Young Molly met Christopher down
by the farm
With his analysis
And his catalysis
And his dialyss.
What would he do there?
He came down to WOO there,
lie came down to sue there,
TO bill and to coo there,
Not to fill all her soul with alarm.
Oh! science, It's thus that fair maid you
Win,
With parthcnogcnesis
And alterogcncsis
And hcterogcnesis
And other such things;
For love, he has wings
And with him he brings
Full many such things
In the ears of the fair maidcns to din
Young Christopher came with his finest
brochures,
On trilobitcs
And troglodytcs,
Thcodoltcs
And such delights,
And he said, my dear, these are yours
Yes, they're yours.
Love may come and love may so,
Science cndurcs.
The heart is stubborn thi.g,
And cOnical in shape;
\ remnant which with US we bring
From our ancestral ape.
1t drives the blood to Mol!y,s Checks,
She opens her ruby lips and speaks;
Her mitral valve plays
In the illcst Of ways;
Her columnn Calnca,
Gives her Al idea
BY the way that il acts;
And, accepting the facts,
She then and there agrees to become
The partner fhis scientific home.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

Gen. Fremont was 63 years old last
Friday. 1t will be twenty years next
June since he was first nominated for
the Presldency.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

Why is drunkard like q bad poll
tician? Because he is always poking
his nose in measures that spoil the
constitution.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
SNEEZLNG.

What moment, what u doubt!
All my nose is inside out
All my thrilling, tickling caustic,
Pyramid rhinoccrostc,
Wants to sncczc and cannot do il!
How it yearns me, thrills nae, stings me,
How with rapturous torment fills me!
Now says, "Snccze, you fool get through
it.
-shcc-oh! It is most del-isll-
Isll-- -ishi-mast del-ishi-
Hang it, I shall sneezc till spring ,
Snuff is Il delicious thing"
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

Academy of designs-a young la
lies boarding school.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
REGISTRAR Or VOTERS.

District No. 15-Dernard Co!IiiloWcr.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
CHANGE OF TINE
WESTERN MARYLAND Il. ROAD

,sss, rssss.-sGTt57,.s tEEs ,t = 5s ~ = -
JT2a i.hss'' " I. q
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

C7eTE q ClICUU COH7V-l I10H1'to 001
such.
Saerit-John Swcatlncr.
Audttor-Fred'k J. Nelson
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04

NN and after Sunday, Nov. q, 1875,
~ Passenger Trains will run as fol-
lows.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-02-04
RATES OF ADVERTISING,

Job Worl-CASH ON DELIVERY
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02

bration has passed Congress. Mr..
Roberts, Of North Carolina, In ex-
planning why he voted for. this bill,
said |: When the war broke out,
q North Carolina farmer had six
sons grown up TO manhood. who at
the first tap of the drum went To
the field to fight in the canse of the
South. They had not stayed 10
reason about it. and they fought
from Bull Run to Appomattox, but
not all of them. One was sleeping
at Antietam, one at Charlottesville,
one at Chickahominy and another
la Kentucky, but two of them were
at the Appomattox battle. Scarce
" had they seen the flag go down
which they had followed. with-uB-l
faltering devotion, One OF these
survivors was he who now address
ed the committee, and who now
said he had seen enough Of war
and wanted peace, that he wanted
reconciliation and brotherhood all
over the country. That was why
he proposed to vote for the bill,
for he thought that the tendency
of the celebration was to promote
peace. Why was there not peace
The soldiers had fought out the
war with bayonets, muskets and
cannon, and now ceased fighting.
The reason why there was not
peace was because few selfish,
restless political agitators still want
to keep up the fight, and their
weapons are asses jaw bones
Laughter and applanse.) He was
to participations in that
kind of warfare. He wanted peace.
His people had sent him here to
talk peace. to help bring about
and q good under
standing.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02

the sentiment of the people, and
with such unanimity as 10 COM
mand the respect and admiration
Of the world. | think it can be
so made and l hope it viii be SO
done.
Mr.. Speaker. when the people Of
other nations visit Us during the
present year they win come to wit
ness the achievements of Repub-
lean government after the expira-
ton Of century. They have said
for a long time that no Republican
government conld endure for
great while that our system was
= very good one for such men as
Washington and Franklin and
Adams and Jefferson, but to give
unbridled liberty to the mass Of the
people would make all stable or
just government absolutely and for
ever impossible. They will come
here to witness the great achieve
ments which were brought about
during this period, remembering
as they do, even better than our
selves, the ey, nts of this great war,
and TO hear the shouts at the close
Of this first grand centenary Of our
country of a whole people in joy
Gus congratnlation for the restora-
ton of peace and with it the res
toration of hope in the hearts of
nations elswhere, for the
ultimate and universal liberty OF
the human race.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02
CHICAGO ADVERTISEMENTS
NOTICE.

Merchants, Lawyers, Clergyman, Physeians, Yarm
oi.- loun9 and Old. - i.i- t
Remember: We ask all TO send to us for Dis.
mends, Watches, Sterling silyerware, or Silver
Plate, fine gold and medium priced jewelry. w.
guarantee every article as represented when sold.
rs Wedding Rings and Bridal Gifts of every
KIND. Any article IN our stock sent 10 any adj
examination, on receipt of enough To pay the En-
press Charges. Watches repaired and line tirne
guaranteed, also Jewelry manufactured to order
Call or address X. j. MORSE & CO, Importers,
:. +. Cor. Lake Clark Streets, Chicago, IN.
n. B-Parties wishing Fine Goods at low
prices, will consult their own interest by ordering
from us. Catalogues sent TO Dealers or Agents.
on receipt of Set stamp.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02

The bill making an appropria-
ton to cid Ia the Centennial crle.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02
A SPLENDID EFFORT.

Abstract Of General Banks
speech Upon the Amnc<.y
QnesstOn-Whnt n Sofaier
aud y Massachusetts Rcpub-
lican Thinks Of 10.
Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1876-02-02

(Applause.)
These crimes, these cruelties,
these atrocities which have been
SO constantly named here are in
the line Of criminal procedure
This house is no place for their
discussion, still less to their adj
judication, still less for the verdict
of truth and justice upon them.
The penalty, IL it shall be enforced,
is ineffably inadequate TO the pnn-
ishment for the crime If il shall
have been found to he true. This
is no place then, sir, for its consid-
Grafton. We must leave It to other
tribunals; we can not master il.
But IL is the place and this is the
hour for that declaration in the
name Of the people OF this country
that gives pardon, grace aud am
nesty, that seeks 10 draw the veil
OF oblivion over the horrors of that
terrible contest through which we
have triumphantly passed. hope
gentlemen on this side of the house
rs well as gentlemen on the other,
II they can make n bill that shall
be Mt all adequate to the expression
Of this idea, will give their unan-
imous support 10 IL. 1t ought 10
come from the House of Repre-
scntatives in order 20 do Susftcs "a
The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1876-09-07

The sermons ofMr. Moody have Been
translated INTO the vernacular of the PEG.
pie Of Madagascar. This is 9 reminder,
by the way, that it wouldn't be bad
ides for some grsmmarian TO translate
Mr.. Aoody,s sermons into English.
They are said to be- really very good
sermons, and the public in this country
ought to have the benefit of them.
The Detroit Free Press man concluded
the other day that-Tt was foolish to be
wasting life time in writing humorous
stuff, and that he ought to write some
thing solid in the financial line. de
started out and went on Change, and in
terviewed business men, and then re.
turned to the Office and sat down and
wrote the following: "When man
hunts all over Dallas, Texas, to tnd some
one who will trade whisky for soap, and
he cant find him, the soap man calls II
stringent times"