, 1876-01-16
f1UHIOEt.

! = :
there Is not sic1 man III the district"
Tho difference between dandy and ragged
man il only ditfareuco in denrea; one has
his trousers tored, and the other has Lis trousers
tor!er-
I 4 bachelor, returning from q ball III crowd
cd coach. declared that he had not the slightest
objection to - rings on his fugess." but he llsd
! tile 1ncs: unequlrocal aversion to ''belics Oh
his toes"
/ The sin:licity ct the Sioux maiden is sonlc-
thug wonderful. She rnus Away in the great
est confusion upon an opora-eiass being levelod
Mt her, thinking that it renders her clothing
diaphanous.
| As old Mr. - heavcd tho last scuttie OF /
tons Of coal into his ceilaE, lie WIS heard to re-
mark: - II thoy hatl been bows instead Of girls,
it wouldn't have been thus. Ono tou would
last all wiuter.'
! a poetcal New Yorker, learning that the late
\. r. Willis named h.s residence ''Glen Mary :"
after his wife. concluded that that was just about
tho right thing to do. and 10 he calls hts house
"Glou Matilda Jane"
II don't know ANYTHING more tryin' to the
temper" says old Uncle Jos Steubins, than for
man to wind up n clock every cey for twenty
years, and then find out that the pcsky thing is
81 eight-day consarn.
more deliberate than the spectacle OF seventeen
pars OF striped BtockinGs hanging OIL the
clo1hcs-line of n house where thare is only on
young lady in tho family.
| Ny son. said stern parent to 3 7-voar
hopeful. Il must discipline you, Your teacher
''Well papa, WAS the reply, ''onlr yesterday
che said I MAS just like my father"
The German woman is described as ssabso-
| luteiy contentcd with her iot," desrising the
| friyoiitY OF tho French. the freedom CT the
| English. and the fearless strides aud absolute
Srx51 rf ~
| A young man suffering from hereditary
| gout " said he didn't mind tue rain OF it 20
much; but" eaid he. ''tho thought taa:
some old ancestor had al the 1un Of acquiring
! tlis precious heirloom ia what takes hold ol
me-"
Yorng sutor--';Wil sou promise to be mine?"
Brook!yn bei1e-"I cca't say now; give me
| week to answer" He gave her week to an-
swer, and she Immediately hires detective to
| find out What Lis prospects are.-L}rookIvA dr.
| gus.
! fellow in Dolr;ssille, CAL, had 4 mother
vino tlisliked the girl whom ho had engaged to
| marry. Said the mother, I'm give you the
b,lutile steers aud tho mule il you don't marry
| her," He tool1 the brutes IN preference to the
girl.
There is an old maid in Troy who has such a
hatred OF men that ehe will travel miles for
tho pleasure OF sayiug to an iil-used wife
''Ah! see! Fulfilling your destiny as wife
and mother! Amt it nice, and sweet, and all
tL2:?"
The father OF Ireno Wood appeared in the
Denver Court and prosecuted Adair Sutherland
Tor blSaEny,-ahe being one OF four romantic
wives. If the old gentleman had exercised
little more raternal vigiaucc, he would have
done better.-fetting Adair not wait upon I.
Wood.-Graphic.
Ono OF the Young men employed in Dan
bury hat-factorv discovered q brass collar but
m 4ticnfi irr
tho other day. he is looking for new board !
lng-placo. He Gays what he wants are the COM
forts Of home. and not the excitement and |
confusion Of dolar-store-
An indianapolis wife caught her husband |
kissing the family dressmaker.-a woman de- |
c'dedly repulsiTe in form and features,-and in |
stead OF flying into rage or fainting AWAY. she
simply remarked. in touchingy sad tone OF !
voice. 'sJohn! I must say that your taste is
more to be condemned than your morals.''
Servant: "Somebody wants to sae you sir T. 7
Master "a shoddyr giving his firht swell din |
ner): 800 is hit:" Servant: 'tDon't know,
slr!" Muster: 'Well, well; but what's o like |
lis @ gentleman ~ Servant (who has ev1- |
IDENTIFY been Tasting y: ':No-o-o-o sir, not |
exactly like gentleman. sir-just sonlethiuy |
like yourself. ."-L0ntlon Fun. |
;. How doth the little busy H.
- {By B. mean 4 be1le}
1mrrova each shining hair to $50 |
II she can catch swell!
How aEirfnllg she p!a.ts each trcaa, !
How neatly folds her pads,
And let's curl flow down her back |
70 tempt ns artleas lads !.
The other evening, after hearing his father
read long account OF how Loss Tweed es-
caped, and of the big reward offered for his
capture, q Detroit boy, 3 years old, skulked out
Of the ROOM Ho was absent half an hour. md.
on entering the room again, there wero tears in
his eyer: t*Whats the matter, Charlie" in
ouired the father. - can't find Boss Tweed
anywhere" gasred the boy. q Two looked M
der tho beds and all around and can't find hide
nor hair of hm! Detroit Free Press.
a Detroiter got homo at midnight, the other
night. with q black eye md boozy step; and,
as his wife met him ut the head Of the etaira
she exclaimed: why. you've been fighting"
. ies'm," he meokly replied. as he leaned on
the rail: .. And some one has b'ackened one Of
your eyes," she continued, as the tcars came.
o Don't cEy zharllng," he said In coaxing
voice as ho put his hand en- her head s.'fi
hadn't had chunce to run, he'd have hlackcd
boH Of 'cm!"
rerv pointed conversation (says tue Port
land Press) WAS overheard on Congrceg strcet
last evening. young man had just come from
the Museum, md was in the net of seeing his
beloved to her home As they PASSED ul1 tho |
street, the conversation turned to the play which
they bad Just enjoyed. Judging from the coz
vef6atlon, he was finding fault with the love-
sceno between Charles DA,-Jei and Hortense.
II could do better than that myself F." the younr
mau remarked. "Nllv, in Heavens name don't |
you. them" shorep1ed. Then there was long
pauae-
at a social party in Be,nvllc, pn., few nights
ago young lady present. glancing at !. looking
glass, discovered THAT somebody had marked her |
face with 1ampblack. This SO enrnged her that
che planted her fist on tho mouth of an inno-
cent Young man Who happened to stand near |
her: and he returned tue compliment In her
wild rage and weeping condition, and With her
blackened face. she looked horrible in the ex- !
treme. She soon laid the young man out
vent at the rest Of the company. In less than
two n,1nntes she had everybody in the room {
twenty IN alO piled up in a corner. Theu s1e
quietly put on her hat end shawl, and walked ou
home.
a Discriminating Witness.
dsta1ta {Ga.> to,.*t,tutfona!,s,
Jake was called upon in the Recorders Corrt !
70 give testimony in favor OF the good character
of Pete. wbo had been on Christmas bender