The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-01-22
BLUNT men are generally sharp.


You lie like gas-meter," is favor
lite remark in Albany, N. y, at present.
EXERCISE of soul, mind and body can
alone bring us to the statue of the per-
feet msn.
ONLY five wives OF the late sewing ma
chine Singer have yet made themselves
known.
THERE may be counsels too weightv for
women to bear; he knows little who tells
his wife all.
The song of tho repentant husband
after knocking his wife down" Como to
my bosom, my own stricken dear
A ROCHESTER, milkman was drowned
while milking. the other day. A pump
is safer than river.
Two beings arc joined by love as two
words by printers hyphen sign at
once OF separation and connection.
BARTLETT is homely, while his two
daughters are the opposite, and tho boys
have named them tho Improved Bartlett
pair
To MAKE n good broil-Lcave letter
from ono of your old sweethearts where
your wife can find it.
a MAN at an auction sale bid on Ben
gal tiger, because he had lost his wife,
and home didn't seem just right.
CoURTsHTP and the coal uuestion--A
statistician estimates that coultslips av-
erage three tons of coal each.
In A QUANDEY. - Nervous Amateur
Sportsman IF | wasn't afraid the
plaguey thing would fly, would shoot ="
SPEAKING of a new club with home
comforts tho Cincinnati Commercial
asks. why not have home with club
comforts?"
KINDER like poetry" said Wiscon-
SIN farmer as he waited for his mail, "but
there's nothing like corn-beef to touch
the exact spot"
Ar one of tho colorel churches in Co
lumbus, Georgia, the other night. II wo-
man screamed, "Glory Use Jest like
soda wator! Use biln ovor!"
The young peanut shot that practiccd
on Il bald head from the gallery, at the
opera, did not, in his case, get u stay of
proceedings.
ADIRONDACK MURRAY says: 81 have
found it hard work to persuade men that
death is SUNRISE" What he says they
believe to be mOOnshine.
JAPANESE officials commit suicide when
found guilty of theft or einbczzlement.
American officials retire to their farms
and receivcthe congratulations of friends.
SCIENTIFIC men predict that the oil
wells of Pennsylvania will soon dry up,
md S..t
around to find good lake to raise whales
in.
CHICAGO talks of hanging half her cit
liens to lamp-pOsts. but which half is to
hang the other half is such IL p,lzzling
question that the hanging will probably
be adjourned sine die.
SAID n Missouri Judge to wife of six
teen Summers, "Well, I'll divorce you
this time, but mind, not another divorce
will You yank out of this court till you
are eighteen"
THROUGH mistake, badges of Ger
man silver for the use of Pittsbnrg re-
porters ut fires, were issued by the fire
department lately. The badges were in
tended to have been made of brass.
AMONG the articles stolen from Mrs.
Scott-Siddons, at Danbury, was silver
nutmeg CRATER The thief ought to have
remembered that old couplot-
1T is IA sin to steal pin,
Much more to steal greater thing
A BRIGHT little boy in Springfield,
Massachusetts,, saw some of the relics of
the Centennial period at the City Hall,
and he thoughtfully remarked, They
had little washbowls and big cider mugs,
didn't they, mother?"
81 WANT to buy q sewing machine"
said an old lady entering shop. Do
you wish Il machine with feller?" in
quired the shopman. Goodness, no !"
she exclaimed, "don't want any of your
fellers about me-"
IT took Sir Isaac Newton less than
three years to thoroughly digest the prin-
ciples of gravitation, while an Indiana
farmer has spent eleven years trying to
find out why n COW never kicks until the
pail is two-thirds full.
A COBBLER ut Leyden, who used to at
tend the public disputations held at the
academy, was asked if he understood
Latin. "No," replied the mechanic,
but [ know who is wrong in the argu-
ment." "HOw?" asked his friend
"Why, by seeing who is angry first"
A GERMAN editor has lost himself in an
inextricable maze of "isms." He under
took to discuss, in one brief article, "Ro-
manismus, C;esarismus, Germanismus,
UltramOntismus and Absolutismus." I'M
til he got into such mass that he lost
himself, and at last accounts was not
likely to be found.
A FOND parent who bought a COW for
his summer residence, in anticipation of
the delight that the fresh product would