Litchfield enquirer., 1876-06-08
CLIPPING cS,

l nat I0lioW mlguC nave uurt SOIn0uOuy yet"
 CLIPPINGS.
 A profession easel-y learned-the artists The path of dnty-through the Custom house.
 A man can borrow trouble without giv- ing security.
 Rheumatism is always joint affair, and yet there is only one party to it.
 Silver is flat in the London market. It has just commenced to get round here.
 A kiss on the forehead means reverence: but there's no fun in 1t worth mentioning. A Milwaukee man went to meeting in London one evening, and when the cock neys caid, "eaf, 'ear." he took it for a personal allusian, and got ont.
 The largest feet known to history must be those of the Maryland editor, who writes: "We black our boots with 15, 900, 900 boxes of domestic blacking year"
 Gutta pereha penholders are said to prevent writer's cramp. The average country editor knows of Ia better preven- tive than that-sc1ssors.
 At this season the question which inter- ests boy is not so much whether his life will be crowned with glory and honor as whether his new Summers vest is going to be made out of his fathers old trous- CTS.
 When a California woman defeated a lion in hand-to-hand combat, the neigh bors were greatly astonished, but her hus- band quietly remarked: "Oh, that's nothing; that woman would lick the devil. It is standing bet among the walters at the Arlington hotel, in Washington, that Greenlander can't shovel snow as fast as an Illinois representative can eat mashed potatoes with his knife.
 He was too solemn preacher; he didn't suit in Nevada. The chairman of the farewell committee expressed it we'll; said he: Nov you can git, pard; We ain't agin religion out here, and it rifles us to see fellow spilln'it. Git
 Josh Billings writes that "Philosophers aul agree that the milk is put into the kokernut and the hole is neatly plugged up; but who the feller is who dug it, the philosopers are honest enough, for a won- der, to admit they can't tell us"
 "Whose prodrait was dot?" asked a Tenton of his friend, as they were going through picture gallery. "That Henry Clay,' was the eply. "Henry Clay P'' "Yes, to be sure, Henry Clay" ''Oh, der great cigar man" yaid he, after mo- mems reflection.
 By our pastor preplext, How shall we determine?
 Watch and pray, says the text; 'Go to sleep" says the sermon. A witness was under examination in g Toronto court in the case of an unpaid account. when the judge put the que stion to him, "What is your occupation?" The witness did not seem to understand the meaning of the word "occupation." and answered with 'sEh?'' The Judge-''What do you do for living?" Witness -''Oh. my wife's dressmaker!' A Detroiter who was deceived by the warm weather Tn March into taking his | parlor stove down, had it back again iu four days. Next week he took it down 1 again, and the next restored it. He re, memhered of six different changes, the last of which was made yesterday. and as he sat with leg on either side of the grateful heat, he patted the top of the stove and remarked: Don't blame you al all-I,m the fool; you are up here for five thousand years now, and hire man te keep you red hot all through July anG August!''
 From the Danbury News:
 A square meal costs round sum on tn, Centennial grounds.
 The Fulton Times celebrated it's eightl birthday. last week. It inherits it's yir tues from it's adopted father, which i. Williams. 7|
 The season is so far advanced that W, may reasonably expect the glorious ami versary of our national independence tt come of about the 20th of June.
 According to the judgment of a Ney Milford man, who had seven men to assis him to his feet. ''the hind end of a mul, IS much more premature than the iron end."
 'I could kill you for two cents," shout ed an enraged man to an offending neigh bor. 1t was an ugly threat but it sounde,
  good. It shows that we are getting dow to ante bettun prices.
 The man who has seen all the world expositions has finally got around to Phil adelphia, and with his usual promptnes : pronouuces the exhibition there to bs th best he ever saw.
 A tombstone not many miles from Dan bury bears this inscription: ''To the mem ory of 0. O., wife of Augustus Mortime Wingard." The lettering on graveston costs 80 much letter. we believe.
 A Brookfield man was invited to atten, funeral. Tomorrow, eh?" he ruminat ed. ''Let's see. tomorrow is Friday Friday is bad day for me. might wor it to get around Saturday for littl while. How'd Saturday do2 No hurry is there?" The sad affair was not post poned. l A sick bed is good place for obserya tion. We learn some things there whic] we could not very we'll acquire elsewhere One of them is that two women whisper ing in the next room can be plainly heard while you might lie there and yell at tn top of your voice without making eithe or even both of them together hear you We don't pretend to understand this. bu we know it is so.