The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1876-02-22

hIBmS ok hSIE8k8ls ...
The first duty on T-don't forget to
cross il.
Leap year beverage for single ladies
Pop.
Don't begin TO plant corn. The
weather may change.
Save your last years almanac. II
will be fresh reading in 1876.
Centennial handkerchiefs for the lit
tie ones are the latest novelties.
Centennial books which have BEEN
thrown away as rubbish, can be saved
by the rebound.
In case Of lynching II makes all the
difference in the world which end Of .
rope man is on.
1t is a curious centennial fact that an
unusually large proportion OF lths be-
bies born this year are boys.
He lay in his little bed in Northern
Indiana. He read his little novel. He
smoked his little pipe. There was liz
tie left OF him.
A womaE is very like kettle, il yea
come to think Of IL. She sings away ss
pleasantly-then she stops-zud whom
you least expect il. she boils over
Judy.
Pedro players should hurry up or
rangements for the reception Of Dsa
Pedrs, emperor of Brazil, who is SAP
posed to always hold good hand u
diamonds.
The Texas Changers are trying 10
prevent horse racing at equity fairs. -
They might as well try TO prevent coz
federats oration and stump speaking
at cattle shows.
Washington was once asked to diss
with Judge Jones. The chair in which
the invitation, will be exhibited ai the
Centennial fair.
When you see Q woman who saves
her ham rines 10 grease her pie Tins
with, you may know that she's au sco-
nomical woman who keeps her cold pan
cakes for beggars.
There is one young lady-and she
lives in Johnston, Pa, who is willing to
own that she would not appear we'll in
o pull back dress. She 10 Is years Of
age and weighs 400 pounds.
When q man amnties ~. ro~k kets ~
MS coat preparatory to laying il out
for repairs, there's nothing that makes
his conscience get upon its hind legs
quicker than the sight Of the letter his
wife gave him to mail more than two
months ago.
When are stockings like dead men
When they are mend-ed; or perhaps
when their soles are departed; or
again, when they are all in holes; or
when they are IN toe-tos; or when they
are past heeling; or when they are no
longer on their last legs.
The latest phrase of leap year ecosn-
tricity is recorded from Portsmouth, :,
N. H., where a lady clad in deep
mourning promenadsd the streets the
other day, with ribbon on the front
OF her forehead, on which was embroid-
cred in white the word, "alons."
A married man up town bought one
Of the leap year neck-tiss, which upon
pulling q cord disclosed the word "ne"
in front. He pulled the cord the other
day when his wife asked him for mon
ey. Now he is using some leap year
hair restorative, but has no faith in it.
A young lady in Stubeuvills, Ohis,
in a fit of somnambulism the other
night, went into the room of q young
gentleman stopping at the house, and
carried Of all his clothes. He explain
ed his non-appearancs at breakfast the
next morning, through the crack in the
door.
II is Dicky Pearce? The New York
Commercial Advertiser says: ''Sad,
very sad A man who ten years ago
was known all over the United States
as one Of the most promising base ball
players living, has for q few days past
been peddling onions and potatoes
about the streets Of Elizabeth, unnotio-
cd and unknown.
The Boon Qowa) Standard says -
"a young lady who teaches one Of tho
public schools not over hundred
miles from Boon, keeps her pupils in
trim by such talk as this: Now, Bob,
il you don't stop pulling SAILS hair I'll
snatch you bald-headed 7 'Suss, quit
your whispering, or I'll put . tin ear on
you That's the sort Of hair pin I
am.