Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-04-20
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
To KEEP from suffering: don't talk.

an about these days: Them carpets new
er looked so bad since the day they were
born. - Rochester C1tron5cte.
''How CROSS you look whenever you
sigh" said querulous lover to his sweet
heart. She burst into tears and said that
was the first time she'd ever been called a
cross-sighed girl.
WE once asked the veteran punster,
Catlin, why it was that certain point on
the Mississippi was called Maiden's Bluff,
and he innOcently answered: Because
it's a vergin' on the river. ''-BrO0hly1
argus.
OUT in the Black Hills gold region,
when you buy bowl of bean soup, you
take of your coat, dive for bean, and
when you come up with it the proprietor
Of the saloon takes it away from you and
says you only paid for soup.
The editor of the Dayton CIV. IT,
Neaos, who, by the way, is a married man,
and probably knows whereof he speaks,
beliey> that hornets nest is a relief to
the man who squarely opposes in Dayton
the right of the women to vote.
THE most famous American cavalry
General is now in charge of infantry. He
who was bearded as pard, and swept
down the valley of the Shenandoah like
tempest, now sits quietly by little cradle,
murmuing a sweet lullaby. Parthenia
holds Ingomar with chain Of roses.
A LOCAL wit of Lafayette, Ark, I'M
dertook to fool Dr.. Westbrook one dusky
evening recently into the belief that
plug of twist tobacco that he pointed at
the doctors head was pistol. He sue
ceeded admirably, and was shot dead be-
fore he could explain that it was all q
joke.
A FEW years ago you could sit up and
talk philosophy with a girl all night but
now, if you talk after one OF two o'clock
in the morning, the old people begin TO
pound on the floor upstairs for you to go.
We don't mind it ourselves, but we can't
help feeling for the Demo-
crGt
WHEN a Norwich man goes to Europe,
he usually means to look over everything
the effete monarchies of the old world can
produce. A gentleman just. returned,
however, failed to see bazaar. He eX-
pected to see one in Paris, he said, but I'M
fortunately itdied just before he arrived
N0raoich Bulletin.
THE Duke of Northumberland is one of
the largest land holders in England. Out
of the 579, 1924 acres which compose the
great northern shire, he owns ISL ,016
acres; yet this noble Percy is lineally a
SmithsOn, of one race with the founder of
the Smithsonian Institution at Washing
ton; and the original Smithson was an
apothccary. wallpapers WeekLu.
THEY were talking about emergencies,
and somebody asked a mild looking
stranger what he would do if suddenly
placed in great peril. He SAID he hardly
knew, but thought he should follow his
usual practice and crawl under the bed.
The ladies in the party thought he must
be afraid Of thunder storms, but the men
knew he was married - NoracGh Bulletin.
IN the Rondout On. " Methodist
Church, on a recent Sunday morning, the
usual donning of OvercOats vas proceed
ing amid considerable confusion, but had
not been completed, when the pastor arose
to pronounce the benediction. He paused
moment, and said: Brethren, guess
will put on my overcoat hereafter dur
ing the benediction, so as not to lose any
time"
THE Las Animas (Col. Lender mentions
an electrical phenomena. A lady of that
place was frying some fresh white fish in
an iron skillet, covered with a tin lid. In
attempting to remove the lid with a steel
fork her arm was so shocked by electricity
that she could not remove it. She called
her husband, who experienced the same
difficulty. A swapping noise and violent
shock, running uphis arm to the shoulder,
as from battery, resulted whenever he
touched the lid or skillet.
A CERT IN man who lives within fifty
miles of Boston has an impeachment in his
voice, and is otherwise not exactly like
other men. He had the misfortune to
lose his father, who was very rich. Soon
after this sad event the son was invited to
public dinner; and a friend, fearing that
he would shock propriety by accepting
the invitation, ventured 10 ask him if he
really intended going, when his father
had been dead only SO short time.
"Why not?" replied the son; & shall
eat only the d-d-ark meat. ''-Harper's
Magazine.
SOME people wouldn't be happy if
April Fool day didn't come once year.
On that day they wake up, as it were,
from lethargy. They even work-a thing
unknown on any other day. They will
crawl around a dark garnet for an hour
looking up all old hat, and then they will
walk with all possible animation to find
brick to put in it, and a good place on the
sidewalk to place the deceptive comblna-
ton for contact with the toes of honest
but unsuspecting passers-by. Many are
the labors which are thus performed IN
the name of All FOOLS day by this class of