Litchfield enquirer., 1876-09-21
SUNREAMS.

DUN D AAMOs tr ta 3sss Deep Thinkers.-Visitors in a coal mine wondering if they will get out alive. ila
 In Norwsy, the longest days are three months; the morning papers are pub lished quarterly.
 Pounded Ice for dinner, if allowed to stand too long, is not what it is cracked up to be. ..... '.
 When an Illinois farmer sold COW for $42.50, and the buyer couldn't make change, the farmer cut off fifty cents worth of her tail.
 Inquiring Mind (reading): It says here, Ma, "His remains were taken to their last resting place." Why do they say This remains''-wasn't he all there ?
 One year ago he called her his darling duck, but now they are married, and as he sees her reach for the last ear of green corn he 1nurmurs something about a blamed hog.-Er.
 t.Do bfrds," asks magazine writer, "die natural death ?'' We know of many who have probably died in that way. We shot at them anyhow Rochester Democrat.
 An educated hog at one of the water ing-places is said to be a good mathe- matician. No doubt it excels in square root" and is also good at "subtraction'. when in a turnip patch.-NowistoaDn Herald.
 There is a growing conviction in the minds of smokers that vest pocket should be made deep enough to entirely hide cigar from the scrutinizing gaze of the man who never has any.-Falton I'inies
 A skipper of down East coaster, named the Hyena, was recently asked what his vessel was named after. His honest and sober reply was, q don't know, I expect some great man in Con- gress "-New Bedford Standard. ..
 Indian customs seem to be reaching East Old-Man- Afraid -His-Wife came home late the other night, and crawled under the bed, but was persuaded to leave his reservation and become one of the Sore e-Heads.-NoraOich Bulletin.
 Odor Ritualisticus.- Protestant parishioner to his vicar-"l've long been ofopinion that cause yeou dasn't burn
  stead of candles, so as to hev some smell in the church. ."-Puncb.
 They never use a bulletin board on the Worcester Press. They merely take the insole out of the editors slipper and lean it out of the second story window against the sidewalk and chalk their dis patches on that.-Noracich Bulletin.
 "Aged Retainer (to Gardener)- It's 8 bad job about young master being a. took so sudden like with appleplexy!" Gardener-'Well, we'll, it hain't to be wondered at; never could keep him out of the orchard, he were such 8 boy for fruit P"-London Fun. r.... .rlr
 "Ma did you say that pa was never engaged to Miss Sally Snifkins p' In- dignant mother Gin reply(-"He my nocent but persistent child-"Ma if pa had married Miss Sallie Snifkins, would have been red-headed?" ?" arE aa-
 An Atlanta man walked around all day recently with a grasshopper in his ear. When his wife discovered it, he said he had been hearing peculiar noises all day, but thought a new steam saw mill had begun operations SOWeWnefe Ill Ine AelSApoEuoous-SUOC" nah NelcS.
 "Things is gittin' slouchways in dis country, I declar' to grashus eff dey aints," said an old negro the other day. "Fnst cum de cattypiller, den de chicken kollery, an now here cum de grasshop- pers; an 1 hear talk de udder day dat a nigger was pisened wid mushmillion. Looks like hard times-you heerd my horn.-SaUannah NeWs. ..... ...
 The Rev. MT. Spooner (tenderly to eligible widow)--"How beautifully en- blematic is this of the relations of man and wife. See how the graceful ivy, womanlike, clings for support to the stalwart oak. An, dear madam, a hus- bands fond protection-" Widow "And supposin' the hoax is too little and the hiVy too big-what then, Mir.
 Shocks mother and old Mrs Stubbs were talking about little babies. "Why," said Mrs. Shocks, "when I was baby they put me in quart pot and then put the lid on." - l-r~.t..
 And did you live ?' was the aston ishing inquiry of Mrs. Stubbs.
 'They tell me I did," was the aston ishing reply. -s.t ...s
 "Well, did you ever," and Mrs. Stubbs fell to knitting like one possessed.
 Anchored.-The captain of a schooner on the sound was steering, when the mate went aft and proffered certain ad- vice as to the course. which offended the superior officer, who cried out: "Mate Tompkins, you jest go forward and tend to your end of this skuner, and I'll tend to mine." The mate went forward, and there was plunge in the water accom- panied with the information: Captain Jones, my eend of the skuner is at an- chor. a.. !. s.-.. ..
 A venerable divine was riding along down the street and saw a youthful son of Ham going down the street display ing flag of truce in the rear. The Doc :. tor, being near-sighted. supposed the chief and so called out to him. The ne- gro looked amazed, but catching hold of the flag, remarked: "Boss, dat handker- chief is buttoned 'roun' my neck" The Doctor drove on, singing Jerusalem. my happy home" .. r.
 Jones says that the. white flannel suit he bought a year ago proved a very economical investment, and has been of much use in his family. Jones weighs 25O pounds, and when he bought it it tit- ted him remarkably well After the first washing, his eldest son, who weighs 100 pounds less than Jones senior, found it an excellent fit. Two washings more made the garment delightful for a youth of nine, and at the end of the season the baby was adorned with the habiliments which had shrunk just enough to make fit for child out of creeping clothes. This year Jones' wife uses them as dish cloth. Where all that flannel has shrunk to Jones doesn't see, and says he would willingly take his whole family and bis mother-in-law to a lecture which would explain it, and pay double price. ]3~
 Loss OF CUD-IND1GEsTIoN. Loss of eud and loss of appetite, mean pretty much one and the same thing. This, usually from indigestion, may be occasioned by the animal eating too greedily I of food, causing fermentation and dis