The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1876-10-27

| Grant all things that loyal thieves can want !:
What more, We gods! shall great Ulysses Grant?
| MERCURY (the god of there's and messenger of
all the godS.)
To Grant aught else were but Useless Grant.
Ho,nei'S OdySSey-Free Translation.
AS history repeats ITSELF so do individ-
uals repeat themselves-so to speak. For
instance, there was Ulysses, the famous
king of Ithaca, who lived twelve or fifteen
hundred years before the Christian era,
acted his part. and passed away, leaving
his acts to find a chronicler in tie immor-
tai Homer. Well, three thousand years
afterwards, here, in new world, and
in new tongue, when I set myself about
the genial task Of recording the adventures
of another great man, still living, find
that such a faithful adherence to truth as
| am anxious TO observe, would afford
strong grounds for charge against me of
plagiarism, were it not for this explanation
which earnestly hope will save me from
such modification; for if there is anything
| hate worse than a horse-thicf or n scala
wag, it is plagiarist.
PARALLEL 1.
An unmanly love of ease came over the
| ancient Ulysses as he increased in years,
| as these facts will show: All the Grecian
chieis-he being one-had bound them
selves, by the most solemn oath, to protect
and defend Helen, the fairest daughter of
the land, against all manner of violence.
Soon it came to pass that a Trojan chief
stole her and bore her away, VI! the Trojan
host holding themselves ready to uphold
him in his villainy. Ulysses best friends
! pt M n
their disgust, instead of complying with
its terms and taking part in the war which
ensued, he resorted to the unsoldierly sub
terfuge of malingering THE disease
which he feigned being insanity--and he
did it after this odd fashion: he changed
his place Of residence to the sea-shore.
where, every day, he yoked together a
horse and a bull, and blowing up the sand,
sowed salt instead Of grain.
The modern Ulysses so dearly loves his
ease, that despite his oath to protect the
fair Honor of the nation, no sooner was this
besmirched by faithless thieves who had
banded together to uphold each other to
the death, than instead of waging a re-
| lentless war against them, as he had sworn
to do, he set himself about convincing the
people that he was an imbecile in states
manship. This veteran warrior all at once
became pacific. Why, any one would as
soon have suspected the Atlantic of becom-
| ing Pacific as this dear old Butcher" Gas
his own soldiers used to call him), who
had always before kept pegging away I"
while there was foe to be seen. But so
it was. His plucky motto, will fight
it out on this line" &C., suddenly degene-
rates into the cowardly and unpatriotic
one, "Let us have peace-with thieves,
but none with honest men," To carry out
his scheme of shamming imbecility, he
procured a bull.pup and sore-tail nag,
deserted his post and fled to the sea-shore,
when he did little else than pillow up the
sand of the beach with the wheels of his
dog Garland SOW salt. In fact, let him
be where he may, he spends most Of his
time in the profitless business of sowing
salt-that is, when he is not sowing dis
sensions-this occupying no inconsidera-
BILE portion of his time.
PARALLEL II.
1t CHANGED one day that Homer's hero,
whilst preparing patch of sand for his
favorite crop, discovered his infant boy ly-
ing in the furrow directly before him.
Hating, on the instant, his Unmatched
team, he fastened to remove the child be-
fore proceeding further, probably not aware
that watchful patriot, who had laid this
snare, had his eye covertly fixed upon him
with view to his exposure.
1t was soon suspected that my hero was
not the imbecile that his acts certainly
would indicate. This suspicion arose part
ly from the fact that he could always find
a better place for his kinfolks than salt
patch, and always managed to lift them
out of it into some more profitable field
profitable, at least to them and himself, il
not to the country. When that wild West.
ern team, (nOt altogether unlike his own
in name) Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse
were " covering in " the gallant Custer
whom he hated for his independent spirit
and sent forth to his death-his own over
grown Baby ought to have been sent gu
, too; bnt so far from this, he was ordered
to hold on to the maternal apron string
until all danger was over which he did
nothing 10th. The fond father was fear
full lest the young milk-sop might get int
the fatal furrow of the Messrs. Bull
Horse.
PARALLEL III.
When the ancient Ulysses found he coul
r not win the fair daughter of Tyndarus, Ii
/. turned his affections elsewhere, after bind
ing the several chiefs to defend, with a
the force they could could command, til
| one who should prove successful in hi
Is suit
The modern Ulysses, finding he was nc
to be the choice of q. certain late CONVEX
: ton, at once fixed his affections upon tn
. high position he formerly occupied-th
same being now held 10y his brother-wal
rior, Tecumseh. Before retiring from tn
contest, however, he bound all the leader