The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-09-02

BY MAX ADELER.

Cadwalladers, and until few weeks ago
the head of each of them was named
Henry. One Henry was store keeper
and the other Henry was butcher, and
neither was related in any way to the
other. About the middle of June the
butcher died rather suddenly, but some
how the impression got out around
town that it was the other Henry. Late
one evening wagon drove up in front
of the living Cadwallader's house, and
man rung the bell. Cadwallader was
in bed. He arose, opened the window
and shouted:
who's there?"
me; Toombs!"
"Toombs! Who's Toombs? What
d'you want?"
why, I've just run around with a
load of ice for the old man. Let me in,
SOS can fix him."
Dunno what you mean. Nobody
around here that wants fixings with ice
We're temperance people"
"No, no! I'm the undertaken.
brought it around to pack the old man
in, SOS he'll keep for couple of days.
Hurry up, sonny, want to get done. >
"What old man?"
"Why, Cadwallader. Don't you know,
If he isn't laid in ice, he'll spoil before
morning, and atf1ict his family like thun-
der"
Il guess you've struck the wrong
house,"
"Isn't this Henry Cadwallader's
placer
"Yes."
"Well, then, he's my man. I've got
a coffin in here thatll tit him like q
glove, after we've froze him up awhile.
l dunno if anybody can get him up bet
ter for the sepulchre than can; but
don't think 10. Le'me in s quick as
you can, and Ill show you the silver
plated handles and the mahogany trim
mings. Queen Victoria don't want any
thing more gorgeous than them"
While Toombs was SO speaking an
other man came up and rang the bell,
and Cadwallader asked him what he
wanted?"
want to see Mrs. Cadwallader about
the Tombstone"
Tombstone! This is getting solemn
What tombstOne?"
"Old Cadwallader's. Mr.. Mix sent
me round to ask whether he should cut
the name Henry Cadwallader' in o
straight line or curve, and whether
she wants to put ON the stone O broken
rosebud or torch upside down? You
tell the widder to take my advice and 60
in on the rosebud and the straight line.
It's cheaper and twont make any differ
ence to the corpse"
"Ill mention it to her. When is the
tombstone to be done?"
"wednesday, right after the funeral.
Weighs about u ton. Mix says Mrs. Cad
wallader probably wanted it heavy, SOS
to be sure it would hold Henry down.
He will have his fun"
During the conversation and while
Mr.. TOombs was removing his funeral
appliances from the wagon, third man
arrived. He asked for Mrs. Cadwalla-
der.
"What do you want?" asked Mr.. C.
Flows the widow takin' it? Hard?"
he asked.
mot so very"
"Well, you tell her, for me, not to 60
on about it. Plenty of fish in the sea
Is good as any ever caught. Tell her
the company's all right. It'll pay her
in full, and then she can get on her feet
again, and may be consolidate with some
better man."
"What company do you mean?"
"Why, the Hopelessly Mutual. I'm
Benjamin p. Gum, the insurance agent.
Took his risk in January. Thought
may be the widow might be suffering
from grief and I'd call to cheer her up.
I'm coming to the funeral, and I'll see
that Henry's slowed away Us snug as q
bug in rug"
Cadwallader came down and explain
ed the matter, and got things straight
ened out little. On the day of the
dead Henry's funeral he thought he
would go to it i'll order to ascertain how
it felt to attend the obsequies Of Henry
Cadwallader. 1t turned out that some
of the live Henry's friends, who didn't
know where he lived, were at the house
of the dead man, thinking that it was
the store-keeper's funeral. When the
latter came in, Mr.. Jones met him and
said to him:
Heaven and earth, Cadwallader!
how'd you get out of that coffin?"
II never was in it."
"What! I've been crying like baby
about you, in the parlor there. Not
dead! Now, see here, Cadwallader, this
is not the square thing! Blame me if I
haven't wasted an enormous amount of
sacred emotion over you, and now you
60 back on me. Is that treating man
right?"
II dunno. Seems to me So"
"Well, hang me if it seems SO to me.
If you advertise that you are going to
be buried, why in the name of Nebu-
chadnezzar don't you stand by your con-
tract like MANI"
"Tet me explain-"