The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1876-01-14
I5G YEARS OLD.
History of Uncle Samuel.
a New Version Of the ASil
RrimS-l69O.k97

a New Version Of the PHI
Sr1mS-l63O-AS76
The following is a correct history OF
the United States, and the Puritan
Fathers:
1920. Lands on Plymouth Rock,
and sets up for himself.
1921. Keeps thanksgiving-in no
danger of over-eating.
1922. Builds a Westinghouse.
1923. PrOclaims Fast day.
162S. Cuts down a May pole at
Merry Mount, as a rebuke to vain re-
creations.
1885. Is crowded for accommoda-
tions. and stakes out new farm at
COnnec ticut.
1887. Makes war on the Antinon-
ians and the Pequot Indians-and
whips both.
163S. Starts college, and
1640. Sets up printing press.
1643. Goes into a Conference.-The
first Colonial Congress.
164s. Lays down the Cambridge
Platform. Hangs a witch.
1649. Sets his face against the I'M
christian custom of wearing long hair,
''a thing uncivil and uncomely."
165l. Is rebuked for F'intolerable
excess and bravery of apparel" and is
forbidden to wear gold and silver lace
and other such gew-gaws.
lG57. Coins pine tree shillings-and
makes the business profitable.
1868. Prints bible for the Indians.
l6S0. Buys a "hang-up'' clock, and
occasionally carries silver watch that
helps him guess at the time of day.
About this period learns to use forks
at table; a new fashion.
1862. Is scared by witches again, at
Salem but gets the better of them.
1701. Pounds another college,
which, after awhile, settles down at
New Haven.
1904. Prints his first newspaper, in
Boston.
1705. Tastes coffee, as luxury, and
at his own table.
170S. Constructs another platform
this time at Saybrook.
ITO. Begins to sip tea-very spar
ingly. 1t does not come into family
use till five and twenty years later.
III. Puts letter into his first post
Office.
1920. Eats potato-and takes one
home TO plant in his garden as curl
osity.
1921. Is inoculated for the small
poX-not without grave remonstrance
from his conservative neighbors. Be-
gins to sing by note, on Sundays,
thereby encountering much opposition
and opening ten years quarrel.
174O. Manufactures tin ware, and
starts the first tin peddler on his trav-
els.
1742. See Faneuil Hall built. The
cradle of liberty is ready to be rocked.
174o. Builds an organ but does not
yet permit it to be played in the Meet
ing House.
1850. Buys bushel of potatoes for
winters use-all of his friends won
dering what he will do with so many.
lI55- Puts up Franklin stove in
his best room, and tries one of the
newly-inyented lightning rods.
176O. About this time begins to
wear collar to his shirt. When he
can afford it, takes his wife to meet
in chaise, instead of on a pillion, as
heretofore.
17G5. Shows his dislike to stamped
paper, and joins the ''Sons OF Liber-
ty."
17es. Tries his hand at type found
ing-not yet successful-in Connecti-
cut.
177O. Buys homemade wooden
clock.
1773. Waters his tea, in Boston
Harbor. Plants Liberty trees, where
ever he finds good soil.
1874. Lights Boston streets with
oil lamps; a novelty (though t'NeW
Lights" had been plenty, some years
befere.)
1775. Shows Lord Percy how to
march to ''Yankee Doodle. - Calls at
Ticonderoga, to take lodgings for the
season. Sends Gen. Putnam (under
the command OF several Colonels) with
Bunker Hill monument.
1776. Brother Jonathan-as he be-
gins to be called in the tamily--de-
cIares himself free and Independent.
1850. Buys an "Umbriilo," for Sun
days; and whenever he shows it il
| laughed at for his effeminacy.
1871. Starts cotton spinning fac
tory.
1892. Has been raising silk worm:
in Connecticut; and now give9 hi;
minister (not his wife) homemade
silk gown. Buys a carpet for the mid
die of the parlor floor.
1893. Invents the cotton gin-anC
thereby trebles the value of southern
plantations.
1795-1sO0. Wears Dantaloons occa.
sionally, but not when in full dress
Begins to use plates on the breakfas
and tea table.
1902. Has the boys and girls vac
cinated.
1906. Tries to burn a hard Goa
from Philadelphia failure.
1907. Sees boat go by steam OIL
the Hudson.
1915. Holds little convention a
Hartford, but dosen't propose TO dis
solve the Union. Buys one of Terry
patent "Shelf Clocks" for $36, and reg
ulates his watch by it.
i 1917. Sets up stove in the Meet
ing house and builds fire in it Oh
Sunday; an innovation which is stout
ly resisted by many.
1919. Grown bolder, he crosses tn,
Atlantic in steamship.
1922. Lights gas in Boston (bu
doesn't light Boston with gas till 1929.
At last learns how TO make bard Goa
burn, and sets a CRATE in his parlor
Buys q steel pen. Has his everyday
shirt made without ruffies.
; 1925. About this time, puts a per