The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-11-23
RELIGION.
The klnd Simon SeFlnger He.
vlcVe0 In.

RELIGION.
The klnd simon ssringer He
vlcvcd In.
Simon Stringer was bluff old far
mer. He prided himself upon being
= plain, matter-of-fact man, about
whom there were no foolishness or
sentiment. On more than one occas-
sion he had mortified his wife and
daughters by hustllng them out Of re-
ligious meeting when they had begun
to show signs of emotion. He said he
didn't believe in ''mirackerlous con-
versions" that the people who cried
and yelped over getting religion
wasn't gettin' 1t by burned sight"
He believed that the genuine article
was smoothing and calming, and not
exciting in its influence.
Once the Campbelites held pro-
tracted meeting in this neighborhood,
and 1t was carried on without any sud
den outbursts Of feeling, Simon took
kindly TO it, and attended regularly.
One Sunday morning be told his wife
to lay him out two SUITS OF clothes.
.Why simon" exclaimed she in
her shrill tones. whatever do you
want with two suits of clothcs9'
That's my business-not yours"
he replied gruffly. "You lay out my
black suit fer me to put on, and wrap
the brown one up in = bundle, and
don't ask any foolish questions"
His wife wonderingly but silently
complied and Simon donned one suit,
ard with the other under his arm
mounted his horse and rode away, fol-
lowed by the anxious eyes Of the big
and little Stringers who marvelled
greatly and said to one another:
What's dad goin to do with his
t'other clothes 2"
Simon didn't return till supper time
and he took his place at the table,
which was the usual signal for the
family to begin an onslaught upon tho
vietnals, but OF this OCCASION his ''ycicc
arrested every arm in its descent, and
for the second time that day astonish-
his family. Glancing around the as
tonishcd circle, he thus delivered him
self:
II want IL understood that the head
Of this family has this day been bap-
tised. He IL . follower Of the meek
and lowly Jesus, and the frst critter
at this table that dips into anything
afore blessin' Is asked III get snatch
ed bald headed. Drop yer eyes, We
heathen."
The blessing was asked, and that
meal was eaten In silence.
After the chores were done, the
Stringers were stringing off to bed,
when the stern voice Of the old man
again arrested them and filled their
minds with grave forebodings as to
what was coming next. He address
I'd them ~ ioilows:
''Come into this room, every devil
Of you, and flop down on your knees.
1t is my duty as devout Christian, to
have family worship, and I'll have
1t, too, and have respectful attention,
or I'll bust some domestic ties assun-
der. This mansion must resound
with praises to the Most High, or it
will resound with some one gettin'
hell Of threshin'-I mean bein' sew
ereH chastised. The first one who
smokers, or makes any onseemly
noise, I'll get up an throw cheer
thro' him, or her, as the case may be.
Let us pray.
The prayer was prayed, and never
was there more attentive audience.
This sort of thing continued about
two weeks and the Stringer family
was kept In state Of extreme misery.
The younger members had been sew
eral times severely whipped for con-
duct unbecoming the children Of a true
believer, and the older ones had re-
ceived harsh reprimands for failing to
fall into the new order OF things and
comport themselves with due digni-
ty.
Then one morning Simon came In
with bad limp, battered milk pail
and the knee Of his pants torn. Drop
ping into q chair at the table, he
plunged his fork savagely into the
nearest dish. The children looked up
from the backs of their plates, ques-
tioningly, and their mother squeaked,
"Why, SimOn"
"Shut up, and eat' he growled, and
then in few moments added:
"This blessin' and prayer business
Is suspended for a while. don't for
get my obligations an duties as
Christian, an I'll resoom 'em "a soon
as I've conquered that doldinged red
heifer. The tarnal critter presooms
too much on my Christian forbear-
ance. Durn a hypocrite. don't
pray when my soul amt into it. It's
too great a strain. For the time be-
in have descended from grace
Pass the tomattusses."
A sigh Of relief went round the cir
ele, and II the red heifer had known
how she had risen in the esteem Of
majority Of the Stringers, her frac-
tious soul would have leaped for joy.
That was several years ago, and
now the red heifer Is COW, and the
worst one in the neighborhood. The
Stringers say, as they punch and
plague her, $50 longs we keep Old