Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-11-17
WHOLE NO. 30.
FACT AND FANCY.
A genuine roar-baok-an echo.
Sad spcctaclo-broken eyeglasses.


Ministers of war-fghting parsons.
Preferred creditors-thoso who don't dun.
The October election cost Indiana in tho
vicinity of 100000.
Hold the fortc-tho piano war has begun
again.
The balance Of pow-wow is held by the in
dians.
General Result seems to be the leading
general in the country just now.
In what place is two heads better than
one ? In barrel.
When man is about to make personal
appeal he commences by pealiug of his coat.
When a woman bushes and weeps, can
she be said to raise hue and cry7
Ben johnson is living in Chatham, N. c.,
at the age Of ll5. He must be rare Ben
second.
The only way no distinguish a mushroom
from toadstool is by eating the specimen.
If you live, it is mushroom if you die it
is a toadstool.
An unusually intelligent justice of the
peace in Baltimore swore Chinaman on
tea chest the other day in default Of the writ.
ings of Confucius.
Abiding to the release of Stokes from
prison, the Christian Register drily remarks
that "Fsk was a nuisance, but he was not
lawfully abated."
Some sharper advertised to furnish for 81
nfallible instructions "for securing the warm
attention Of pretty woman" The answer
to applicants for the secret was "Step on
her train"
Albert Rhodes thinks that men make the
best cooks. Then Albert Rhodes never saw
a man bowling and dancing like maniac in
front Of kitchen stove, shielding his bus-
tering face with one hand, and with the other
making frantic dabs with steak fork at a
blazing sausage, that's aIl.-Hawkeye.
One of the British scientists has been at
work on dogs brains. He finds that the
brain of mans faithful friend is smaller than
that Of the wolf, and that the brain Of the
Newfoundland dog is very little larger than
terriers.
The Detroit Free Press reports that
careful estimate by competent old ladies
shows that the number Of Detroit girls who
daily 90 after autumn leaves is AGO. The
number who get any leaves is 10; the num-
Der who ind beaux and forget all about au-
tumn, AL
An American lady. Miss Susan Fletcher
Smith, has just made will assigning her
body, after death, to the Royal College Of
Surgeons on the ground that it is the duty of
every member of tho human family to de-
vote their bodies after death to scientific ex-
animation, until tie principles of physiologi-
Il - n,to bl;Sha1
We've suspected for some time past that
measures would be taken to check the alarm
ing growth OF the Smith family. And here,
now, sure enough, a Pennsylvania man ex.
hibited at the centennial "Smith crusher
and roller"
She wouldn't stand it to have q tooth
pulled for one million two hundred thousand
dollars, she said, aud yet she walked the
, street IN tiny gators two sizes too small for
her. and thought nothing OF it; but then no.
body saw that tooth, and several saw the
gaitcr.
Says New England paper This is the
grandcst, mightiest, most glorious republic
that ever blessed the world, and yet, with
all its power and greatness and learning, it
can't make an inIuriated woman stop in the
middle Of a sentence and listen to an expa-
nation.
Mr.. Buckle says that history repeats it.
self. We presume he refers to the fact that
the Jews were directed to make glad the
waist places, and that the same pleasing GUS
tom Of doing it with the left arm on the
front stoop after the old gentleman has gone
f to the lodge is the fashion now.
"ls there an opening here for an intel
lectual writer ?" said very red-iaced youth,
with the cork Of q bottle sticking out Of his
breast pocket. The editor, with much dig
nifty, took the mans intellect in, and said,
"An opening? Yes. sir; kind and consd-
crate carpenter, foreseeing your visit, left an
opening for you, Turn the knob to the right.
AMHERST STUDENT-Wise caution. Two
. seniors, diligently ponying "Patos Apol-
ogy," met the sentencc-"To fear death is
nothing else than to seem to be wise when
. you are not" First senior, thoughttully-
, "Wel, don't see ; but we had better not
y fool with it, for it may lead to Pantheism
for all We know. Let's 60 on"
I Ga cruise the sailors saw q comet, and
/. were somewhat surprised aud alarmed at its
X. appearance. The hands met and appointed
n committee to wait an the commander and
g ask his opinion of it. They approached him
4 and SAID, ave want to ask your opinion,
e your honor" Well boys, what is it all
g about p ave want to know about that thing
J.. up there" "Now before | answer you, first
: let me know what you think it is" "Well,
/ your honor, we have talked it over, and we
. think it is star sprung leak"
IS A bashful appearing man stepped
: into the Cincinnati Enquirer edito-
L edgiug up to the tabl Of the man
: aging editor, hat in hand, said, in a hesita-
r ting way, "You like little items for your
1t paper, suppose ?" Certainly" replied Mr..
n CockeriIl "a newspaper, like life, is made
} up Oflittle items. What have you to offer ?"
n "Well," said the bashlu man, playing with
r his hat-band, "my name'is Smith, John Smith,
G and I've just got home" "Gad to see you
n back again, Mr.. Smith," said Cockerill ;
i sheen gone long, "I've been," said MIR,
l. Smith, with tremor of pride in his voice,
u ITO the Centennial, and, if you want to make
d a little notice" "What !" cried Cockerill
n springing to his feet, you've been to the
II Centennial? Aud you've got back Give
;, us your hand l.; I'm delighted to see you.
st Spear, let me introduce you to John Smith
Or John has been to the Centennial" Spear
s shook hands very warmly with Mr.. Smith,
es and then ran to the aperture communicating
% with the reporters room, aud shouted 90!
/. Shaunnessey come in here, quick, here's a
IN man that's been to the Centennial !" Then
c. O1Shauunessoy bounced in, followed by his
is assistants, all Of whom embraced the bewild-
ur cred Smith warmly, and expressed the graf
t. fcation it afforded them to meet who had
hhnn 10 the Grant National Exhibition Word