The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-02-03


but he was too lazy to accept it.
Don't let's have any words about il"
as the man said when he lodged the die
tionary his wife threw at him.
A New Hampshire man sends fourteen
of his children to one school, and when
they combine against the teacher he
knows he can safely bet on the result.
Even as we bid people Happy New
Year comes the thought: how many new
styles of stand-up collars shall we have
before the year is dead2
The most glowing passages in a minis
ter's sermon will attract scarcely half the
attention that centres on the man who
blows his nose in church.
A Memphis prisoner, who hated to see
two lawyers disgrace the courtroom by
fighting, walked out, and was unfortu-
nate enough to get lost He has not been
heard of since.
P. T. Barnum has resolved to be q
travelling Snowman no longer, but when
il was announced that New Haven had a
two-legged horse, his wife had to hide
his hat
Out in Nevada, two wives lay claim to
Mr.. Besthoff, and it remains for the
courts to decide which of them shall be
considered the Best-hof of the two.
An exchange remarks that some peo-
pie are wholly unable to appreciate deli
cate irony" We have observed this our
selves, particularly in the case of wash
woman and shirt bosom.
A correspondent wants to know the
best way to become a literary man.
Well, the quickest way for him is to
make a short voyage to sea- He will
very likely become a contributor to the
Atlantic.
go out, young man she's not here T.
said a Pennsylvania preacher last Sun
day, in the midst of his sermon, to a
youth whom he saw standing hesitsting-
ly in the doorway.
What's the difference between a pro
fame man and an old topper? Only that
the one swears often times in the course
of a month, and the other swears off ten
times during the same period.
The Providence temperance paper,
Town and Country, is patent outside"
and its editor is always compelled to
draw its readers attention to his inside
for the effects of intemperance.
"Sir, you are political thing IA per-
ambulating monument of meanness-a
bankrupt in everything but cheek =
BOSS, / don't understand German, but
I'll drink with you" The difficulty was
settled on that basis.
A young man suffering from "heredi-
tary gout," said he didn't mind the pain
of it so much, "but," said he, 1.-The
thought that some old ancestor had all
the fun of acquiring this precious heir
loom is what takes hold Of me-"
A gentleman questioning little boy,
said: when your father and mother
forsake you, Johnny, do you know who
will take you upT "Yes, sir" said he.
And who9' said the friend. The po.
lice, was Johnny's reply.
far West contemporary propounds
the conundrum, "Can you understand
what boon we were to this sparsely set
tied regionH Boon-boon2 No, unless
it is bab-boon. If not, ask US some
thing easier.
When a Glenkens man walked to Dunn
fries, in the long ago, to see a man hung
and the prisoner was respited. the dis
gusted traveller sat down in a corner and
hoarsely inquired if his country wal
drifting back to barbarism.
A man who admitted he played the &C
Gordon fell into the hands of the cour
this morning, yet, for some inexplicabl'
reason, the judge allowed the opportu
nifty to slip through his fingers, and onl!
gave him thirty days. There is such
thing as trying the temper of the peopl
too far.
Miss Ada Sweet is the United State
Pension Agent at Chicago, and somebod,
has been ungallant enough to charge he
with paying regular tribute for tn
! privilege of retaining her Office. Thi
she Indignantly denies, and says that he
position has involved her in no expens
whatever, except for a shot gun and bul
dog to keep off Chicago widowers.
: A Detroit boy paid his first visit t,
one of the union schools, the other day
/, as q scholar, and, as he came home a
night, his mother inquired: well
Henry, how do you like going to school
Bully" he replied, in an excited voice
II saw four boys licked, one girl get he
ear pulled, and big scholar burned hi
! elbow on the stove / don't want
miss day"
Evil Communications, etc. Scene
Mrs. Lyon Hunters drauingroom dui
ing q lecture on "Women's Rights.
: Modest Youth lin a whisper, to youn
| lady looking for a seat)-"Er-excus
| me, but do you believe in the equality G
the sexes, Miss Wilhelmina p Youn
: Lady-"Most certainly do, Mr.. Jones.
: Modest Youth-"Hawl in that case {
, course l needn't give you up my chair !
The bill for the worsted that Fourt
! street woman used in working dog o.
her husbands slippers, was brought in L
him yesterday, and he remarked to he
that he wasn't going to pay any dolla
and q half for any such fixing" "Bu
. you said you wanted dog on them,
responded his wife, 80 l did, madam
so l did. But you might have made
darned sight smaller dog"
"Who's Herbert Spencer, Pop2" asket
an inquiring Brooklyn boy of his fathe
the other morning. Hes a famou
English philosopher, my SON." "Ant
what's philosopher continued the lad
with the business air of person VIII
could keep right on asking questions un
til doomsday "a philosopher" return
| ed tho father Oravelv uia n man " a.