The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-10-07
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

the head of their editorial columns. lnese plC
lures, in most cases, are miserable daubs; tn
candidates look like they had just come out of
rough and tumble fight, We noticed one of Hayc
recently, in which he presented the appearance
of having been kicked by mule-probably tn
animal called the Times who is kicking might
hard on that little biz you know.
A Chicago romance boiled down Is of younl
man in that city who fell in love with waite
girl, married her, and afterward applied for III
vorce because the "sweet little thing insisting
on cutting her toc.nails with the butter knife
New corn is beginning to come into market
What We have seen appears to be OF good quaI
ity.-EI.
Does il come In barrels or demij johns?
Summer has departed, and you may just as
well lay that linen coat away Oh the upper shcl
now as to wait a few weeks lOnger.-Er.
Oh, no, not till after election-rads here always
wear them at democrat meetings.
Dubuque man sued a young woman Of that
city "for malicously kissing him in the pres.
ence Of his wife, Send that lady this way, please
He will pass the plate around in church today,
and mcekly murmur soft amen at the pulpit,
and then 20 home 20 dinner and cOEsign the
cook TO the place he has been hearing sermon
about, simply because tho chicken was little
overdone-EI.
Who will' Cullen?
Harvey discovered the circulation Of blood be
fore he W. inrty-four. Yet some editors get to
be over hundred before they can discover the
exact circulation ,of their own newspapers
Daily Netcs, Aurord
The Ne,cs ought to know.
The New York papers are engaged in momen-
tous controversy on the propriety Of kissing the
girls No editor can afford to throw doubt upon
the complete propriety of kissing, unless he is
willing to incur the displcasure Of the girls.
They have u campaign song beginning "Come
all We honest republicans" Why is it that they
thus leave the great bulk of the party unlimited:
"You put too much grease on your hair" said
a boarder to his mistress, as he gently relieved
silver thread of its golden butter.-.T, y. Herad
Here is that wretched Chicago boy again:
81 have Just reached my 18th year." lispcd al
Chicago maiden sweety to her lover, the other.
evening.
Just then h er half grown brother happened toI
come in and thOughtlessly eXclamed
"Why, sis!-you only is? you've been Isl
ever since knew yOu!'
or course the boy lied, but the effect, you know
the effect!
The New York Times will produce an affidavit
to prove that Charles Francis Adams struck Bill.
ly PatersoA.-Ex.
And the Pee We also will swear it so,
An extraordinary example of the effects OF
drunkenness was given recently in Dublin, whcr
an inquest on a sailor, drowned in Lifey while
drunk, was followed by another inquest on a.
woman who also fell into the river and was
drowned when drunk. The chief witness in the
second case could not be examined in conse-
going on, one Of the jurors was sent away for be.
ing in state of drunkenness.
Full many gem of purest ray serene, the dark
unfathomed caves of ocean bear; full many a.
flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its
sweetness on the-whch leads us to remark that
Hayes's story about Uncle Orchards legacy
throwing him into bankruptcy, or nearly so, is |
thin, awful thin.
II is not generally known that Mr.. Tden car
ries die in his vest pocket with five on every
side to throw for the drinks. Is such man lit
to be President'of the United States y.-Buriing.
ION Hank. Eye, Rep.
We weaken
The LATEST man Is on western paper. He
spells photograph "4tograph" There have been
only three worse than he One lived out in Kan
sas and dated his letters "1lworth" another spclt
Tennessee "l0aC," aud the other wrote Wyan.
dotte "YS."
Mr.. Swash edits Kentucky paper-Er.
No!-wc thought he ran the Aurora Daily
tha aha a Ia.
The family tree of Texas family shows branch
on which several members have been hung for
borrowing horses.-EL,
And the family don't feel proud either, If some
of them had been stuck up" in their time. Moth.
ing is SO pleasant as to see such modesty in |
those who might truly be above the common
herd
How many apples did Adam and Fave eat is
agitatIng the scientists and mathemeticians:
Some say Eve and Adam . total of 10 only.
Now we figure the thing out far differently. Eve
and Adam also. Total l6-Boston J0uraL
We think the above figures are entirely wrong.
If Eve and Adam 81 certainly the total will be .
30 Scientific men, however, ON the strength of
the theory that the antcdiluvians were race of
giants, and consequently great eaters, reason
something like this: Eve Slst, and Adam ~ .
Total l63- Gloucester AduertiScr. Wrong again
what could be easier than If Eve 3 l. and Adam
IL, the total was S93y-LaoreIce american If |
Eve $ List, and Adam S-l.2 would not the whole
be 1922 Boston Journal. believe the following
10 be the true solution: Eve S.l4 Adam, Adam
S-l-24 Eve. Total S93S- PcritdS. Still another
calculation il as follows: Ii Eve S.l.4 Adam;
Adam s.l-24-2 obge Eve, total S2.0j6. We think,
however this not TO be u sufficient quantity, for
though we admit that Eve S.l-I Adam; Adam If |
he sO-sl-24-2 keep Eve company, total S,OS2. OjG.
" y Fleming Nal.
No rebel battery was ever silcnced more
promptly than the income charge against HAYES
II no sooner reached his ears than a complete
refutation Of the falsehOod was given 10 the pub
lie. Why does not Mr.. Tilden reply with equal
promptness! Because the charge against him |
is true, and truth cannot be explained AWAY
Mendoza BulLefiH
Hayes was accused, and lie answered. Tildcn
was accused, but he answeretb not. VIII the
friends Of the latter make a note Of ii and twich
him up littleg-Ottd,od Republican.
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