Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1876-08-04
That BIZ snake.


"It's weak invention of an enemy"
never saw the snake, never measured him,
and don't want to. have heard of him
that's the height of my offending.
Yes have, heard of him, in fact, have
heard of him four times in every second for
the last two weeks, and my own peaceful
domicile has been turned into an inquiry
room that would Try the best efforts of a
Moody or Sanky. The trouble COM
menced two weeks ago, when man came
running towards me, his hair disheviled,
with his hat in his hand. After looking
behind him ten or dozen times, he man
aged to stop ana exclaim: {" have seen a
siove-pipe as big as snake!" ventured
to remark that there was nothing uncOm-
mon about that, when he sent the chills all
over me by saying that he intended to say
the snake was as big as a smOke-stack.
"Come, said he, "and will show him to
you" am naturally timid, but there was
one thing on this occasion that made me
perfectly reckless-I didn't believe one
word that the man said. We went, but
failed to find the snake; however, we found
tracks that convinced me he was around;
at the same time it occurred to me that the
best time to kill him was when he had
swallowed an OK, and told my companion
that we had better not scare him until he
had found the OK, and that our best policy
was to return home had no trouble in
convincing him that this was the proper
thing to do; in fact, he offered to bet me
fifty cents that he could outrun me to the
depot. l beat him easily, having had
about ten yards the start of him, big
advantage, as most of the way was over
logs, and he had to keep lookout behind.
Next day gentleman called. He carried
a large box on his shoulder. This he
deposited at the door, and, taking a seat |
thereon, said he had been informed that |
knew where to put my hand on that snake.
Don't be scared, said he, 81 have bobed |
for snakes and alligators in the Red and |
Mississippi rivers, and know all about
them. He won't hurt you, and, he added,
" as soon as you get him into this box and
deliver him to me there is fifty dollars for
YOU" declined to enter into any agree
ment with him. He left, remarking that
he was out three hundred feet of lumber.
The next was pensive young lady. She
was very shy, but know she was dying to
ask me about the snake. She took a seat
upon log, and in a few minutes was
startled by hearing her scream at the top of
her voice, 90 The snakel The COW is swal-
lowing the snake" 1 asked her to show
me the animal that was then perhaps
depriving me of the opportunity of i'm
mortalizing myself. You can judge Of my
when following the direction
of her finger, my eyes fell upon the well
known bull Emma. He had escaped from
his island home and was dragging fifty
foot log chain after him. l turned round
to convince the young lady that she was
mistaken; that it was an optical elusion;
but she had departed, and was then moving
as if somebody had cut the traces to her
pull back.
In less than twenty minutes two men
armed with shot guns, and four boys
armed with sticks, made their appearance,
and asked if had seen the COW. l explained
to them how the matter stood, when the
two men shouldered arms and went away
mad, and the four boys went and stole the
cham. - - s%GFa
In the evening the owner of Emma
called and inquired if had found a chain.
1 told her l wasn't looking for a chain; a
rope was what l wanted. She said it was
strange that she had tracked the chain
almost up to the door; that it was worth
eighteen dollars; that if was an honest
man; that no one else had been around;
b-st she would 60 and see if there was no
law ,'nr lone woman, etc. had faint
of telling her to depart in
peace, but N-hetheF she said any more
before leaving h.s'Ve not now the faintest
Now, Mr.. Editor, can you not do something
in this matter? Can you not say IN your
next paper that the man that KIe" I'LL
about the snake has hung himselfF Ihat
the snake has gone into winter quarters
or was last seen goingover Niagara? Any
thing that will stop this internal business;
and I promise to give you the best part ot
a keg of lager that 1 have had oTer from tAe
fourth. Your Victim, ION
Ashtabula, July s6, 1876.