Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1876-04-21
THE BUR-LAR ALARM.
Mr.. JOnes,s Experience with the New
Patent

/ -
The stories of burglars had SO al
armed the Jones family in Alleg-
heny, that a council of war was held
to consider the best means of avoid
ing the threatened danger.
81 know q fellow that has a splen-
did dog that he'd sell, said Master
Jones. Frhe dog is fierce; bite a
piece ont of you as soon as look at
you, l'Il get him, if you like, and
We can turn him into the hall nights. "
'Thank you," said. Mrs. Jones,
"rd as soon have my throat cut by
burglars as be torn to pieces by a
savage dog"
"a dog is impossible in city
house," said Mr.. Jones, shut I'll buy
an alarm, and . pistol, and keep it
loaded under my pillow.
"Then / shall sleep elsewhere," "
said Mrs. Jones. "No, I'll sit up all
night, every night, until die, before
that shall be done" Ek a
Cali women are Idiots" said Mr..
Jones.
"AII men are crazy" said Mrs.
Jones. "But you shall have your
way and shoot your family if you
like. That always comes of having
firearms about"
"Let them come in and murder Us,
| then ~ said Mr. Jones. ~ suppose
you object to the alarm, too?"
But finally the alarm was decided
upon and purchased, and attached
to all the doors and windows on the
lower floor; and two days after this
was done, Mr.. Jones, being obliged
to leave home on business, congrat-
ulated himself on his prompti,ude of
action.
"With this alarm, you are quite
safe, my dears," he SAID, as he took
his departure. 'sThe minute you
hear it, open the windows and
scream for the policemen"
MIR. Jones then stepped into the
carriage, which whirled him to the
train which conveyed him to q dis
tant city. There he became very
much occupied with certain impor
tant affairs, and when he had been
absent a lnon,h, forgot all about the
alarm. 11- ~
| The letters from home did not
mention it, and SO it passed entirely
from his memory; and, as at last, he
found himself on his homeward way,
upon o night train, which lie had
taken quite unexpectly-fOr he had
written the day before that he should
not be back for week-it occurred
to him that his arrival would be a
delightful surprise to the family. He
had his latch key with him, and he
| quite chuckledSoper the thought of
letting himself in, and being found
snug in bed next morning.
lEy "Wohlt there be timeis said he
to himself. EMAIL scream. The girls
Il can hear sem laugh. And Sam
win pref end not to be astonished-
ha, hs, haIp
! $50, with his portmanteau in his
hands; Mr.. Jones having reached
home, assembled the steps of his
domicile, and deliberately, but soft
ly, proceeded to open hi front door.
! As he did SO, the alarm was sprung,
afracket and a jingle filled the house,
and simultaneously Mrs. Jones, the
Misses Jones, Master Jones, the cook,
1.-THE chambermaid, and the waiter,
thrust their heads out of their res
! pective windows, and screamed,
"Police!"
Almost as they did SO, two clubs
struck the pavement, and two giants
in uniform seized Mr.. Jones by the
arms
"Ah, got you this time!" cried one
of them. "We've been looking out
| for you for some time, too"
sLetIme 60" said Mr.. Jones. 81
live here. It's mistakel'
eyes, I've no doubt it's a mistake, p
said the policeman.
4B6t tell them-tell them; let me
offer proof" pleaded Mr.. Jones.
"They all know me; tell them it's
Mr.. jones'"
i q "He says it's Mr.. Jones" cried the
policeman to night-cap and shawl
at the window.
'sMy husband is in Chicago" said
Mrs. Jones.
/ But she peeped out nevertheless
How ever she did not recognize heI
husband. Mr.. Jones had left home
in tall hat and an overcoat; but
during his absence, he had unfor'
tunately purchased a travelling "Uls'
ter" that touched his heels, and
cap. He wore both, as was natural
upon midnight journey.
"No, | never saw that object be
FORE" said Mrs Jones. "Do take hin
awaytn
. stYOa1ll appear against him
ma'ma?''
: Decidedly. l shall consider il
my duty" said the lady, and shuI
The window.
4 Then Jones demonstrated with th'
policeman, and begged to have Mr.
Smith, next door, called, and wa
told, to hold bis tongue. Jones wa
not q mild man. In few minute'
his wrath boiled over; he attacked
the policeman with his umbrella
; bravely, and was totally defeated
He arrived at the station house will
black eye aud a bruise On his fore
head, and frothing at the moutl
with rage; and was locked up afte
having been recognized by severa
experts as "Tommy the tapper,"
, noted burglar, for whose arrest
large reward was offered. His wallis
was taken away from him, also
watch and pocket book, aud he wa
shut up in cell with an intoxicate'
tramp who had arrived at that stag
r of deIirialn tremens ut which snake
!. are the fayorite delusion, aud VIII
= took Mr.. Jones for one, or sewers
I of them, and insisted On treadin
a on his head.
!, In argument and single comba
i with this gentleman, Mr.. Jones pas
!. ID t6e Ho7Eb uut1 rtUsBana wbeg }