The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-03-04

pccted to return to her home in Washington
recovered.
Ia there no balm In Gilcad mo way TO choke
off these everlasting dime novels that almost in
yariably wind up with ITO be continued
Il is seldom that 80 many hard words to spell
arc combined in such an ingenious manner as
the following:
Mcpagerics, where slcuth hounds carac0lc,
Where jaguar phalany and phlcgmatic gnu
Fright ptarIngan and kestrcs cheek by iowl
With pecwit and prccocious csckatoo.
Gaunt seneschals, in crotchety cockades,
with seine net irawl for poi poise In lagoons;
While solutions gauge cratic cscapades
or madreporcs in water-logged ga!loons
Flamboyant triptychs groined with ghcrkins
green,
In reckless fracas with coquct.ish chagrin,
Garnish the grucsomc nightmare 81 my dream
--Ponch.
The wife OF the Marquis OF Butte was recently
delivered of twns-a pair of Butcs as 1t were
Exchange.
According to this II our friend " Duck Moore,
Of Strestor, should get married and his wife
should have twins, they would be flock OF
ducks-Moore Ducks, as 1t were.
1t always seems absurd to us to hear the hero
he secrctcs himself in o room in castle or
elsewhere. "And-nOw--if-1-an discover
ed-Tm lost-Pm lost" when the stuBidest boy
in the top gallery knows that II he is discovered
he's found-hes found.-Turntrs FaRs Register
When man acknowledges himself in the
wrong there is nothing more TO be said. The
politencss of the average Nevada editor Is de-
lightful Thus did he Of the Humboldt Register
acknowledge himself liar: 1.-The ex-publisher
Of this paper hereby acknowledges himself a
Guessed liar, knave and horse-thicf, and ought to
70 West for publishing that scurrous and lying
article about the editor Of the Register yesterday.
A black eye and bloody nose convince us that
we did wrong. Old in the business is our only
excuse. H.. A. Waldo"
Recording the fact that boy Of nine, while
playing with revolver recently shot o girl OF
thirteen, the New York Mail remarks: "There
is too free use by children Of firearms" Harsh
~ the observation seems, 1t IL just.
Brignoli is the father Of twins, and has had
other trials during his long career, but he never
knew what real trouble was until he picked up a
New York paper, the other morning, and found
himself referred to as the "silvcr-nosed teno r.
breed Of dogs without tails has been dscov-
cred in Africa; and how the mischievous boys
there utilize old tin kettles and fruit.cans we
cannot pretend to say.
Shoe -dealer-I find we have no number twelve
shoes, Miss, but here is a pair OF large mines.
Little Rock Damscl--Nincs! Do you take me
for Cinaerellae
Returns from the city and town elections, held
in Pennsylvania last week, show large Nepubli
can gains-kx.
Returns from st. Louis last week also showed
republican gain Of one-Babcock iron his
crooked whisky suit.
Dishonesty 10 now getting its deserts in many
portions Of this land Of ours Rascals are be-
ginning TO learn that dishonesty don't pay
Morris Herald.
Indeed! What rascals, to lie sure, to make
such a discovery at this lstc day. This discov
cry should have been madc hundred years ago
Al least. The average republican must be dui
OF comprehension.
A Buffalo physician, who has undergone the
operation which was so accurately described IN
the case OF Clara Morris, Gays IL Is absolutely
painless. Iron at a white heat produces mere,
"A tickling sensation on tue nesh.-Ek.
No iron at white heat for u.s. II its all tht
same We are willing to take that physician,
word for the painlessness of IT,
Civilization is gaining ground in Spain unuci
Alfonso. There are 800 applications for the 30
sition OF public executoncf at Barcelona.
To execute man thoroughly, should have :"
tendency towards ciyllizug him.
Says the Kansas City Tunes: The New YorA
Tc.Iuas, founded by Horace Greeley, funded bs
Jay Gould, and foundered by whi:slaw Reed
a oil ,npfnnpd.b tsrnst az, al las,
The radical republican party
Gov. Bagley, OF Michigan. has issued a centcp.
NAL address In which he urges every land-omneg
10 plant tree as q token OF patriotism. The
18th Of April is the day set for the planting.
good idca.-EL.
And wouldn't planting u hundred trees be 4
hundred times better idcs-a good Cenicn-
NAL thought, as it were!
A Brooklyn man, who had the toes Of one foot
out of by q horse car, sued the company Tor -
900 damages al 900 per toe. The company de.
MED responsibility ia toto hut the jury awarded
the plaintiff 5000 as mcInento oi the aiiSlr'-
State Rcgis,or.
II strikes us that the award was ,oc much-th,
total amount is toe-numorous.
Miss Emma L Sharon, niece Of Senator Shar
On of Nevada IL TO be married al Csrrollton, Ill
on the Goth 20 &. r. Them, Of st. Louis. They
can celebrate their wedulhs Jay Only every io"'
years.-I'ek. BukstiH.
And yet, owing TO the pccuniary condition Of
shsron-who seems 10 have shave on every
thing valuable in Nevada, this couple will have
"tin enough for tin, golden or diamond ami
versary every day Il they want TO. Such are the
peculiar advantages Of being bloated arisiocrai
No young lady is 90 honest that she viii re
fuse 20 hook dress.-EH.
Yes, but there Is one thing she can't dot
pull down her vest.
DIR Hall says tie very healthy for married incl
20 get out 81 bed al sir in the morning and spill
sFood for an bour.-Ez.
And we continue, fearful waste Of time 70
the amount Of wood the average man rood spill
Gen. sherman. it IL estimated, viii 60 10 Eu
rop, ne1i year, where he eosiempiaies 'ish
-. -. :. 49,. -. a.. !.