The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-06-09

You'll see me back In a day or two.
Wit and HumOr.
MEN of decision-judges.
INDIAN affairs johnnycakes.
THE Emperor of China ia six years
old. t
The, first science driver teaches his
mules is gee-ology.
"BE me soul, niver traded dogs but
twice in my life, and L got bit both
times"
JUST the thing for inquisitive people
GLOW so !"-ing machine.-NeU York
Commercial.
WHY doesn't Sweden have to send
abroad for cattle2 Because she keeps
her Stock holm.
A GENIUS has invented machine for
making artificial foliage. He might call
it ga patent leave-er."
WEALTH, and enough of it, is within
the reach of all. 1t is obtainable by one
process, and by one only--saving.
A 1ANDLADY heard an impecunious
lodger jingling silver, and she wondered
how such roomer gained currency.
The marriage in London, England, of
Nelson Bliss to Miss Susan Work, was a
happy one for the lady. She exchanged
life of Work for one OF Bliss.
81 DON'T b'lieve in dedication" says
Mr.. Albums. "Thar's me an Sol an
sis Calline amt got long no better in
the world than pappy's other children
that warn't dedicated.
A CHAP, being asked to explain the
paradox OF how it was possible for lazy
man to obtain so much education, an
swered: "I-I-didn't-a L
Just heard-here-and there and
neutrality-suspicious.!
APROPOs TO THB WEATHER.
SO mildly hot the weather's got
"a mortal's temper spoiling),
cannot bear my very hair
I'm positively broilng!
only think of things to drink,
While vain are all devices;
To shun tho heat 1 wear a sheet,
And live Oh penny Toes.
"SoME COMPOUNDED idiot has put that
pen where / can't find it p growled old
Asperity the other day, as he rooted
about the desk. "Ah, UNI, yes L
thought So" he continued in lower
key, as he hauled the article from behind
his ear.
INFANT prodigy" Mamma, do you
suppose DIR. PrOsey rehearses his SER
mons at home q" Fond mother-"No,
dear his fervor in preparing them is
spontaneous, and" Smart Boy
"Oh, then he''does not practice what he
breaches"
A GENTLEMAN, dining with. friend,
was asked what part of the fowl he pre-
ferred. "Oh, only q bon ;" This re-
quest was literally taken, and bone,
well scraped, was sent to him. "Half
of that, if you please" said he, sending
back his plate.
The Norwich Conn Bulletin tells of
horse that baked on Market street, in
that city, and resisted all efforts to move
him until life insurance agent came
along and began to talk to him, when he
started and went off with the enthusiasm
of man on his way to the funeral of
rich aunt.
A COOL young gent, all of the modern
days, entered a menagerie with cigar
in his mouth, when the proprietor po-
litely requested the visitor not to teach
the other monkeys bad habits. The
young man proved himself equal to the
occasion by producing his cigar case and
saying, "Try one."
A CENTENNIAL incident: can how
far might square bea" said patriot
stranger to patriot driver on Market
street car. "Sure, and if you was a
Philaydelphian like meself, ye would
know it was to the next corner" cam
is it, thin," said the patriot stranger,
"fwhat we New Yaarkers call block |"
can it is"
| LAST week q millionaire committed
suicide in Belgium another was sued
in New Jersey for divorce and alimony
for having another wife, and one had
laid dead in Troy for ten days, his burial
being deferred because he was believed
10 have been killed for his money. In
view of these facts the Graphic urges,
"Dont become millionaire" But
how is newspaper man to help becom-
ing one OF those thingsa
YOU'VE Mr.. Heavyswell, just arrived
| from London, went to one of the largest
hotels in Philadelphia to inquire about
rooms. eyes, sir" said the clerk, Eve
can accommodate you, and would be
| pleased to have you patronize u.s."
Handing key to brother clerk, he said:
"Mr. Smith, show this gentleman 504."
"'Pon my soul, you know" exclaimed
Mr.. Heavyswen, ~ really haven't time
to look at so many. you know; suppose
| you show me specimen, you know, OF
the others IL