Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-08-31
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

1AI HOUSE.
ECONOMY is the soul of wit.
THE fly sticketh closer than a
brother.
STANLEY writes from the very CEN
ter of equatorial Africa--1, 900 miles
from the sea.
THE Saturday Reoieao sees nothing
for the American Indian but ultimate
determination.
QUIZ was obliged to take a blue pill
the other day, and remarked that it
reminded him of a massacre.
FRANCE is proud of her new pos
tage-stamps. So is a mother proud of
her new baby. And yet both lick EN-
Hop SING" Ha, blome, skippee,
Mclean man heap funny fellow
Gette washee, kick Chinaman, go out,
no pay, welle funny"
BALLOONING is q failure" This
is the general verdict in relation to the
use of air-ships supported by gas and
subject to the caprices of air cur
rents.
THE unfeeling New York World
takes as one having had experience, and
mildly asks: " AS between a highway
man and grass-widow, which is the
more to be feared p
FIVE noblemen danced in the Ger
man at the Ocean House, Newport,
the other morning. The ladies were
so excited that they danced ''perfect-
ly horrid," to quote their own words.
A CLERGYMAN said the other day
that modern young ladies were not
daughters of Shem and Ham; but
daughters Of Hem and Sham-com-
pounds of plain sewing and make-be-
lieve.
'EMR. SMITHERs, how can you sleep
so? The sun has been up these two
hours" " Well, what if he has ?"
said Smithers. "He goes to bed at
dark, while I'm up till after mid
night"
THERE was a little gathering the
other evening, and some one asked a
Preston man if he wasn't fond of
Mendelssohn. He said he was, pas
sionately, but unless very carefully
cooked it always disagreed with him
No7aOich Bulletin.
THOSE Immaculate white marble
steps-the great social vanity of Phua-
delphia-are said to cost the inhab-
itants of the staid old city $S3, $50, 900 a
year. About 1905 have these steps,
which, to keep clean, costs each ten
cents daily, or the huge aggregate sum
named yearly.
On for some spot where swe1terfng mortal
From this hot world of ours might pantingiy
flee;
Oh that were some kind of {" tortle''
Nine fathoms deep in the Caspian Sea.
Oh for a fan like an armorers bellows,
Blowing cold blasts on my blisterng soul;
oh TO be sandwiched in ice, as they tell us
Franklin is, somewhere not far from the pole.
THE New York Commercial .AdUer-
tiser causes the odd soldier " element
to grow thoughtful by observing:
Gas the veteran of 1861 looks back
over the vista of fifteen years he sees
the road strewed with the dead, and
he realizes the fact that he belongs to
a company meyer to be increased, but
forever decreasing"
THE assurance of the lightning-rod
man was never better illustrated than
the other day when he applied to the
president of a railway company and
wanted to put ightning-rods on all
of his cars. "Lightning-rods on our
cars?" asked the latter. "Why, GER
tainly." "What in the world do we
want them for?'' because they
make good conductors" replied the
man, as he closed the door hastily be-
hind him.
A MAN broke chair over his wife
head in Chicago lately. When he got
to jail and the chaplain undertook to
talk to him he displayed a good deal
Of penitence He said he was very
sorry that he had permitted his anger
to obtain the mastery over him and to
suffer him to do such an act, because
it was a good chair, one of those good
old fashioned Windsor chairs, which
was an heirloom in his family, and he
knew he never could replace it.
A TOUCHING incident is reported
from Chattanooga. An utter stranger
called on respectable farmer last
week, ana asked him if his house had
not been robbed during the war. The
farmer replied that it had. "I,"
said the stranger, "was one of a
maurading party that did it. [ took a
little silver locket." sThat locket,"
said the farmer, chad been worn by
my dear child" "Here it is" replied
the stranger, visibly affected. 81 am
rich. Let me make restitution. Here
are $50 for your little son." He gave
the farmer a $50 bill and received $50
oh T. L h, f<,-