The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-09-28
Wit and Humor.


FEE mail help-Postage stamps.
The nations tear-The frontier.
A BARE assertion is not necessarily the
naked truth.
SPORTSMAN That's tough old fet-
low, Jemmy9" Keeper" Aye, sir, a
grand bird to send to your freens. =
Punch. s'-'.@< ''A f9i' Seh''@
A MAN who had been married twice
to ladies both named Catherine, nd
vised his friend against taking duph-
kates.
AN experienced boy says he regards
hunger and the schoolmaster' rattan as
about the same thing, as they both make
him holler. .....-.
IT pleases woman to see a man hold
ing a plate of refreshments on his knee
at party. He can't do it without turn
ing in his toes.
WHEN a woman throws brick-bat the
great problem seems to be, not how to
hit the mark, but how to avoid knock
i&g her brains out with her elbow.
"WHAr. do you propose to take for
your cold?" said lady to a sneezing
gentleman. "Oh, I'll sell it very
cheap I won't higgle about the price
at all. "
A PIECE of window-glass has been
taken out of a man up in Vermont.
Pane in his stomach, probably
Graphic. Or possibly glass too
much.-BOStOqa Post.
IRISH drill-sergeant Ito squad of
militiamen)-"P r's'nt Rims -(Aston-
ishing result)- -" Hiv'ns what 'pri-
sent p Just stip out here new, an look
at yersilves Punch
"THE blessed man that preached for
us last Sunday" said Mrs. Darlington,
sc served the Lord for thirty years-frst
as circus rider, then a locust preacher,
and last as al exhaJlster.
con my dear, how came you to be
so wet ?" inquired an affectionate mother
of her son. Why, ma, one of the boys
said Z daren't jump into the creek, and,
I tell you, I amt to be dared T.
A sAeAcIoUs countryman, having been
asked by stupid minister why he
roamed about the fields on Sundays in
stead of going to church, replied " Be
cause I prefer sermons from stones to
sermons from sticks"
A LITTLE boy, years old, and lit
tie girl, 8, we're looking at the clouds
one beautiful summer evening, watch
ing their fantastic shapes, when the boy
exclaimed, "Oh, Minnie, [ see a dog
in the sky!" "Well, Willie" re-
piled the sister, g it must be sky ter
rier."
HANDSOME is that handsome does"
quoted Chicago man to his wife the
other day. f" Yes" replied she, in
winning tone, rs she held out her hand,
s'for instance, husband who is always
ready to handsome money to his wife"
The moralizer was cornered, and this is
why the wife appeared in new bonnet
the next day.
TOMMY is fond of sugar, and asks his
mother for some to eat with his straw
berries. She refuses. He appears re-
signed, but adds gravely: You know,
mamma, what happened round the cor
ner? There was little boy, and his
mother would not give him any sugar on
his strawberries, and :" And-?'
"And next day he fell into we'll.
A FEW days ago stranger to one Of
our hotels asked for napkin at dinner.
The landlord refused to give him one.
But" said the guest, "that man at
the other table has one" s'That man is
regular boarder, and has just got back
from the Centennial, and I have to pan
der to him for day or SO; but it won't
be long before he will be wiping his
mouth on the table-cloth and cleaning
his nails with fork, like the rest of the
gentlemen. No, stranger, we don't al
low any style here as a regular thing,
but we can't help ourselves sometimes"
San AqatOraio Herald. sa
ST KNowED it. Dad said SO; mar,
too; them burned skunks got my wallet.
My tickets gone, too Jerusalem
blazes, what'n do?" were the ejacula-
tions sent forth by an overgrown coun-
tryman at the Exposition last evening.
Eyeing the bystanders sayagely he start
ed for policeman, when, all of sud
den, he stopped as if shot, and clapped
his hand on the rear part of his trousers,
exclaiming 'sWell, I'll be eternallys
hornswaggled if haint got on them =
pants with that new-fangled pocket be-
hind" and he slid off to the nearest pea
nut stand, where he soon forgot his
fright Chicago Journal.
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