South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-01-14
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND IIUMOE1.
V"Ma." said little fellow, ..can
20 out for minuteg
''No. yer cant; the diptheria's agoin'
round. and don't want no doctors bill
10 beat me out of n new winter dress"
''oh, just for minute" pleaded the
boy.
DO youwantt to go out to catch coldg"
inquired his mother.
NO." replied the boy. II want to 90
out to see the sick cat have a fit
He wasn't let out.
W. stand upon the soil offreedom !''
cried stump orator. NO exclaimed
his shoemaker; "you stand in pair OF
boots that l have never been paid for"
t-V A darkey who was STOPPING to
wash his hands in creek didn't notice
the peculiar actions OF goat behind
him. so when he scrambled out of the
water and was asked how il happened.
he answered: II dunno 'zactly bat
peared rs If dc shore kinder listed and
frowed me-
9'A scientific paper says; keep
your mirrors away from the SUM- And
from the daughters also, if Won can
adds family paper.
tS-Fontenelle was very fond Of sal
mon. He was dining out one day in
Paris, when a pretentious guest at the
table, upon hearing the author ask for a
second platefal. exclaimed: ''Oh ho.
Nj. Fontenclle, | didn't know philoso-
pliers liked good things so much" Pro-
badly was the philosophical reply. "the
gentleman is under the impression that
God made good things only for fools"
LIZA Springfield gentleman conclud.
Cd to have bath the other evening. and
in the dark got hold of 4 chunck of stove
biackcning by mistake for the soap. A
more polished man than he was, has new
er been seen in the whole State Of Mas.
sachusctts,
IVA minister examined his school
boys thus;
What is the meaning of the word
''repeptant?"
Please, sir, don't know"
Now if had stolen loaf of bread
what should / be-"
Please, sir, locked M"
Well, should feel Sorry"
Yes"
"Well, why should feel sorrv9"
Please, sir, cause you was cotched."
s~There was ? ludicrously sudden
descent from the sublime to the ridicu.
lous whnn Clergyman preaching on the
Ministry Of Angels" suddenly observ.
ed, Il hear q whisper" The change of
tone started one OF the deacops who sat
below, in drowsy mood, and sprincinr
to his feet, he cried, "Ifs the boys in
the gallery"
tS'"What would Won DO, madam. if
YOU were gentleman" Sir, what
would you do IL YOU were oneS"
E,5'ThS Sheityvllle Ky Rcpu5lioaa
says that the worst case of Sclfishness
that 4 has heen Permitted to prcseus 20
thc public, enlanaiea from youth WHO
. - :, = 1859 His mother put II
bigger i4iasSaFa plaster ca his youngcg
hrother Than she did an him. after they
mad been eating melons and hard apples.
- This being Leap Year, any lsJiy
is at perfect liberty to propose to her
husband the purchase ofancw silk dress.
tV'A down.country farmer who Put
IN "a half acre with turnips last summer.
says they didn't bring him cent. lie
should try onions next time. They nj.
ways bring . scent
l@'A sheriff az 81. Adams. VI, re-
Gently, having two insane persons to
convey from tie 81 Adams Jail 10 an
asylum ,or the insane 10 Bra'tleboro.
VI, called one OF the lunatics aside and
asked his ala ia Keeping watch OF his
companion during the journey. and then
did the same with The other The two
lun"tcs sat side hy side, silently eve
ing each other through the whole route.
and thoy have Kept guard over each 9th.
81 in The asylum ever since
&c lori Glare. who was much oDpos.
Cd g. Currau. one day brought New.
tound.aDi dog upon tho bench and dur.
inc CuTau's speech turned aside and
carcssca the animal Currsn stonpcl
'to cu. SO o0. Mr. Currar." said 7 ord
Glare. Oh. ! beg @ thousand ra~aons."
was .ac rc5oindcr Il thought, vour lord.
ship was in consultation.
~ The other day NickshurE father
Ending 30 necessary 10 rcv~ovc his son.
gently aio Don't stuff viciuals into
.,a mouth iaet way. NV son: GEORGE
Washington didn't cef after that fash