The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1876-11-11
THE BAFFLED BOOK AGENT.
An Experiment Worth Repeat
ing.


The Atlanta Conititution says: He
came in briskly and sat down with sierk.
One end OF his paper collar reared over
his left ear; qualmy smell Of last weeks
clothes hung about him. He turned his
glass eyes upon us, and iOosening his In.
dia.rubber tongue he began:
"The Universal History Of the Uni
verse-in 2 0Ol instalments-50 cents an
instalment-3O0 engravings-"
"stop, my friend. Restrain the intel
lectual aow-dam up that torrent-otelo..
quence. Listen to me--do you know
what has come to me since ] saw you last?
It was in Octo-"
"But, sir" interrupted the book agent
"you never saw me before y
"Never saw you! Impossible! Could
one who once gazed on those noble Inca
ments ever forget them? Could that coy
wart on the nose be ever forgotten, or
that eloquent mole on your iron Jaw?
Never, never It was in October that |
met you last. Blessed October THAT
month OF ripeness and OF sombered pas.
sion Do you know OF all the months in
the year October is"
"Pardon me, sir" exclaimed the book
agent, rolling his brass eyelids in despe-
ration, "you are"
"Pardon me, sir; can not allow any
man 10 hold the reins Of conversation
over me. will not be interrupted-to
resume: my great grandmother was the
pertest woman Of her age that you ever
saw. She was one hundred and thirty.
two years old, and yet was as clipper as
the best Of US. My brother, who was an
inventive man, put her On a pair OF
wheels, and 1t would have done you good
10 have seen her scoot around. I suppose
ours was the only family that could boast
Of grandmother on wheels, and yet"
"Bnt, sir, am in great hurry, and"
"You must positively not interruptme,
my friend. As l was saying before, when
a man has family growing up around
him, It is hard to say which one he loves
best. And yet that boy Of mine, with the
strawberry mark on his left ear-there's
a queer story connected with that stray
berry mark that would please you have
you a childr
81 am father Of thirteen miserable
children" he replied.
"Ah, then you can sympathize with my
story. You thave been a mother your
self. All, who can sound the depth Of
mothers love! 1t is as deep as an arte-
sian we'll, as high as liberty pole. 1t
scars like Chinese kite, II grovels like
a ground hog. 1t is sweet TO be mother.
It gives us new life and fills US with a
broad, deep, sweet"
"Really, sir, haven't the tinie," broke
out the perplexed and desperate agent.
snow, there you so again. You throw
me out every time. But to go back to our
conversation. lido think he was the sweet
est dog / ever saw. Although he was
quite young when he was born, he seemed
TO take to learning naturally. When
would send him to drive the pigs out Of
the yard, he would take the little pigs pa.
tronizingly by the ear"
"Hal hap laughed the book agent dole
fully, "quite bright dog-quite bright
but would you like thiSYuniy-"
"Interrupting me again there But il
don't matter. To resume: As ! said
before, the boat was very small and quite
cranky. 1t rocked wildly, and the girl
became excited, and it was hard to con-
troll her. You have doubtless been on the
water, and understand"
Just here the agent rose, hissteel joints
swapping vlciously. He cast one wild,
scared look around him and made for
the door. Hang reached the door, he
turned and looked back hungrily. lie
Frightened up, as il he were going 10
open the conversation again, but he gulp-
ed his sorrow down hastily and fed.
"Come back and see US again." We
called blandly over the stairs. "You are
such a good listener it's pleasure 10
talk 10 you. Yes, come again. Come
during the next Centennialw