The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-02-18
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

TRANSPORTED for life. The man who
marries happily.
MANY a man has ruined his eyesight
sitting around in bar-room looking for
work.
A WESTERN man says that figures
won't lie unless they happen to be on
gas meter.
FIFTEEN million pins are manufactured
annually in the United States And vet
men will get married.
TEACHER" What is the definition of
Irritation ~ Intelligent young pupil
" 1t is attention without intention"
SWEETS To THE SWEET
iris sweet TO sit at eventide
Some willin' female form beside,
! And lOve-like purr and snicker;
To feel, whatever devilish arts
Are sund'ung other kindred hearts,
You two are growing thicker
SIX locomotives are required TO haul
| heavy train through the snow drifts on
the Central Pacific railroad over the
Sierras
No CHINESE bank has failed for five
hundred years When the last failure
took place the officers heads were cut of
and flung in 4 corner with the other as
sets.
MDLLE O., of the Palais Royal thea
tire, said TO Hyaciuth "Graciousl but
/ have a cold. What do you do when
you have a cold ?' "I," said Hyacinth,
q cough"
THREE hundred dollars is what Del
aware man had to pay tor calling a
young lady red-haired. The jury de-
cided that she lacked hairs breadth Of
having red hair.
CROQUET is rapidly giving way 10
roller skating in London, and the ladies'
newspapers are publishing concise rules
to promote gTacefulness of movement and
proficiency in the sport.
THE Minneapolis Tribune declares this
to be verbatim copy of "pome" adj
dressed to lady a that city by love
sick youth from Indiana:
lust cum down from the buckeye state
some pleasure for TO find a handsome
girl from miDaplis Just suited TO my
mind.
Her rosy checks and rolling eyes like arrows
pierced my breast and they called her
handsome clara the liloy Of the west.
I corted her for just 3 days, her love thought
to gain 10 soon, to soon she slited me
which gave me grief and pain.p
she robed me of my liberty and deprived me
of my rest but still 1 love my clara the
liley of the west.
MY DREAM.
[ dreamed a dream the other night down by
yon shady grove saw chap OF high
degree cOnvercing with my love.
he sung he sung so merryly while Twas soar
oprest and he sung 10 lovely clara the
liley OF the west.
1 rushed up to my rival dagger in my hand
tonr him from my true love and boldly
made him stand.
being mad to desperation my dagger pierced
his breast and ! was betrade by clara
the liley Of the west.
THE softer sex have reason to be en-
couraged. The last census showed the
number of idiots proper in the United
States to be p, ,527, of whom II, ,420 were
males and 10,042 females.
MAMMA" said a precocious little
bov, who, against his will, was made to
rock the cradle of his baby brother, elf
the Lord has any more babies TO give
away, don yUG-uake enI.
TIE Brooklyn Argus says The crud-
ity of religious information at the west
is well illustrated by a tradition which
extensively prevails that a BAPTIST Is a
man who puts water in his whisky.
THERE are now eight pin factories in
the United States, which make 47,OOO,-
600 pins daily. But the average school
boy wonders why they are not bent III
the right shape to place on chair with
the point up.
A WISCONSIN editor illustrates the
prevailing extravaganza of people nova
days by calling attention to the costly
baby carriages in use, while when he
was baby they hauled him around by
the hair of his head.
CHARLES DUDLEY WARNER, who
feared that the pie-eating proclivities OF
our countrymen would yet prove the
ruin of America, will be gratified TO
learn that the ri Etas were burned out
in the destruction Of Hollis Hall at
Cambridge.
PEcUIIARITGEs Of Nancy Valentine, Of
Maryland, aged 100 years;
|. Has never used spectacles. 2. Can
thread needle with ease and precision.
9. Does her own cooking. 4. Knits
stockings for sale; and (5), spins the
wool herself
SIZE was "A Cincinnati belle--her father
stuck pigs for living-.and AS her impa-
tient adorer urged the appointment of
D day, she could not but pity him.
ycarn as much as you do, Alphonse,"
She said with sigh, "but you must wait.
Tallcr's down and pork's fatter'n ever"
A TEXAS editor asks: Father
mother where is your boy tonight
The high-spirited, noble son, around
whom cluster the fOndest affections of
your heart? Where does he spend these
long evenings Persistent inquiry at
the billiard saloons, or some of the keno
rooms, might discover the noble young
man. Or he may be sitting in the Va
rieties, with his feet cooked up, smoking
one of his fathers cigars and looking like
Il little Charley Ross. You can't miss
him.
A YOUNG girl, about as pretty as they
grow 'cm, went into music-store ana
asked the clerk, inquiringly, if he ha
% A Heart that Loves Ne Only. mo,
he said, "but There's A Health TO The
Mary" That wouldn't do, but befOr
She turned TO 90 she asked, Have you
: One Sweet Kiss Before We Part p
That clerk looked up and down tn
store the bOOk-keeper was. out, the bos
was upstairs trying TO sell a granger
whcezy old melodeOn, and 80 he leane
over the counter and turned out abou
half a dozen of thebest and most artist
cally finished articles that the astOnished
Young lady had ever been offered in job
lot. She didn't say much, butshe wentout
of the store in step and half, and
rubbed her cheeks thoughtfully all the
way home.
--.----'s----,--
A Lighthouse Under Difficulties.