Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-12-07
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

and hard times.
IT is pointed fact that Germany makes
the best needles.
KNIFE WOUNDS heal, but not those pro-
duced by a word.
MEMS muscles move better when their
souls are making merry music.
A NATIONAL Short Horn Convention
will be held at St. Louis, commencing
December s.
The St. Louis Journal sweetiy says:
I" 1t improves buckwheat cakes to be eaten
syruptitously."
"HEw to the line, let the chips fall
where they may" Or, in other words,
"hew raw for the right.
To SHEER and denounce is a very easy
way Of assuming a great deal of wisdom,
and cOncealing great deal of ignorance.
AUGUsTUSnow compliments Angelina
upon the perfection of her toilet by assur-
Ing her that she looks as fine as a hired
girl.
The Black Hills region is an easy place
for women. A man out there doesn't care
a ten-spot whether his wristbands are
clean or not.
a SPEAKING monkey is the wonder of
U
have any chattering street-corner swells
with canes and toothpicks.
THERE is war of the sexes already
started in San Francisco, where the men
stockholders. ungallantly refer TO the
women spectators as the mud hens"
A WAC tried to annoy popular preacher
by asking him if the fatted calf in the
parable was male or female. Female,
to be sure, was the reply, g for see the
male in the flesh before me-"
THERE are three things that foot bench
eS in church pewS seem made for-yea
fOur-namely, TO get in the way for strang-
ers to fall over; to fly up and hit man
on the nose when his head is bowed; to
tip over in the most solemn part of the
minister's prayer, and to make more noise
than flock OF goats set loose on barn
fOOr.-ChtcagO Journal.
UNsoLvED PROBLEM.-AIl the great
problems of Nature are not yet solved.
One Of the most interesting is how a
woman can hold her mouth full of hair
pins while she is doing up her back hair,
and at the same time impart to her huS-
band exact and valuable information in a
loud voice concerning the undesirability
of his dropping his cigar ash on the car
pet.
THE party on the coast survey steamer
Hassler, while sounding Santa Monica
Bay, California, found submarine can
yon near the shore and west of Point Vim
cent. 1t opens seward, gradually closing
toward the shore, and is seventy fathoms
deep. Approaching the shore, after the
canyon runs out, there are two very deep
wells, from ne of which petroleum flows.
SOME one tells in HaTper's of ar Ohio
hotel keeper appointed Collector of In
ternal Revenue, who got, one day, in an
envelope addressed TO him officially, a
$500 greenback with slip of paper on
which was written " conscience money!
He put the bill in his pocket book without
debate, simply rcmarkng, =" / always did
suspect that barkeeper."
Not one person IN dozen can tell the
names of those whose buStS are to be found
on postage stamps. The bust on the one
cent stamp represents Franklin; twos,
Jackson; threcs, Washington; fives, Tay-
Tor; skies, Lincoln; Sevcns, Stanton tens,
Jefferson; twelves, Clay; fiftccns, Web
ster; twenty -fOurs, Scott; thirties, Hamil-
ton; nincticS, Perry. The seven, twelve
and twenty -four cent stamps are not now
issued, but many of them are pow in cir
culation.
"BRUTUs BIINKENBERRY," said that
gentleman's wife, drawing paper from
her pocket in the privacy of the chamber
on Sunday morning, " Brutus Blinken-
berry, I've counted and out of the last
thirty days you have come home intoxi.
Gated twenty-Seven nights; what do you
think of yourself?" BlinkenbeTy groaned.
Wen, what are you gr0aning about
now" Them three nights" replied
Blinkenberry, with an expression of hor-
riblc suffering.-GOld HiN (Neol Ne,cs.
THE Legislature of Oregon has passed
an act for the suppression of gambling.
The law is very sweeping, and, if rigidly
enforced, will etfectually close up every
gamblingroom in the State, and very
seriously interfere with the business of the
saloons. The law has been drafted with
great care, and it is said will stand the
severcst legal test. 1t is now in force, ana
gamblers, hopeless of success in fighting
prosecutions under it, are preparing to
leave the State.
An inebriate some little time back, got
INTO car and became very troublesome
and annoying to the other passengers, so
much SO that it wSS proposed to eject him :;
but genial and kind hearted reverend
doctor, who was also passenger, inter-
posed for him, and soOthed him into good
behavior for the remainder of the Journey
Before leaving, however, he scowled upon
the occupants of the car, and muttered
some words of contempt; but he shook
hands warmly with the doctor and said ::
GOOD day, my friend, / see you know
what it is 10 be drunk. '-BoSton Paper
THERE is an industrious young lady in
the country who is making cloak almost
entirety of partridge feathers. 1t will be
unique piece of clothing, and very pretty
and comfortable, though it requires an
immense amount of labor and persever-
ance to put it together. In it will be at
least 10, coo feathers of different sizes. the
lower portion of the cloak being made Of
the tail feathers, and then ranging up, the
breast feathers come next, while the varie
gated plumage around the neck of the
bird Will encircle the white throat of the
lady. 1t will require about 100 partridges
to hill out the regular course of feathers,
which are placed in layers similar to the
way IN which they grow on TIE bird
When finished the cloak will be valued at
fifty dollars, though in New York it would
beworth probably double that amount The
birds are shot by her brother Bill, who pops
them over whenever She wants them, only
asking that she will nicely cook what IS
left for himself to make square meal of
Of thcm,-h jngStOn IN. " Fireman..