Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-05-25
ITEMS OF INTEREST.
FANS it's spring, lettuce have peas.

BEANS it's spring, lettuce have peas
THE man on the beat-A policeman.
A PERSON who has seen trouble ought
to know exactly how it looks.
In what key would lover write pro-
posal of marriage? Be mine, ali!
IT IS remarked that an Irish stew can
be got in all countries except Ireland.
THE Mayor of Oil City, Pa, gets sal
airy of 81 a. year. Money does not make
that Mayor go.
THE difference between ingenious ana
ingenious is illustrated by the difference
can do and candid.
A DULL minister in the pulpit is sore
trial, but the soprano in the choir is usu-
ally a soarer.-Norwich Comm Bulletin.
THE nerve which never reiaxes, the eye
which never blanches, the thought which
never wanders-these are the masters of
victory.
A RIVER of ink has been discovered in
Algeria. If that country was large
enough, what paradise it would be for
the poets, ... ... ...
ANDREW GUM, of Portland, Me-, has
petitioned the Legislature to change his
name, because the street-gamins call his
little boy Z" a son of A. Gum"
IT detracts somewhat from the pleasure
with which the return of spring is hailed
to find that the baseball clubs have sur
vived the winter. Detroit Free Press.
The millennium cannot be as far off as
has been represented. A New Yorkmilk-
man has not only been convicted of selling
adulterated milk, but has actually been
sentenced to the penitentiary.
AN evidence of the hard times is found
in the fact that the offal receipts of the
Boston Health Department show seventy
five per cent. less meat scraps than year
ago. People gnaw the bones closer.
4 NEW YORK lady on visit to Europe
has left two poodles in charge of dog
doctress, for the keeping Of which she is
to pay 5000 yearly, and provide a car
riage once month in which the pets are
to be aired. fr ..... ~.
FORTY centuries may look down upon
us from the pinnacle of modern civiliZa-
ton without discovering man bold enough
to hit woman on the toes with tack
hammer while she is directing him how to
put down carpet.
A BLACK HILLS pioneer, whose fortune
has not panned out well, thinks he has
one chance left. Every cloud, he says,
has silver lining; and so he is going for
Red Cloud with a Sharp's rife and bowie
knife to see how he is rlade up.
81 make it point, madam, to study
my own mind" said a gentleman to a
lady who had exhibited some surprise at
an opinion he had expressed ''Indeed,'
she replied, q didn't suppose you IN
derstood the use Of the microscope"
You have considerable f1oatingpop-
ulation in this village, haven't your"
asked a stranger of one of the citizens of
a village on the Mississippi. "Well,
yes-rather," was the reply. about
half the year the water is up to the Sec
ond-story windows"
"WHEN one takes his Sunday afternoon
nap, and has an ugly DREAM" asks a cor
respondent, "can you call it night
mare?" Not exactly; perhaps it might
be more proper to say that the dreamer
has only a little colt in his head.-N. Y.
Commercial AdUertiser.
"UGH, I'll tell you what it is, Jones, if
there were burglars to enter my house,
and I knew it, by jingo, I'd"
"Well, what would you do?" "I'd do
whatevever they required Of me. never
had my own way in that house yet, and
it's too late to commence nOw-yes, too
late.'
ALL that is false in this world below
Betrays itself in love of show;
Indignant nature hides her lash
In the purple black of dyed mustachel
The shallowest fop will tripin French,
The would-be critic will misquote Trench;
In short, yon're always sure to detect
sham in the things folks most affect;
Bean-pods are noisiest when dry,
And you always wink with your weakest eye
Bret Harte.
A NATURAL flow of water cannot be
stopped or diverted by the owner of the
higher ground. This has been established
by many legal decisions. The owner of
land on which head of water originates
may use all he needs of it, and may put it
to work to turn a mill, but the flow
through his neighbours premises being
once established, he cannot divert it to
another channel.-J0atrnaJQ Of Commerce.
A PHYsIoGNoMIsT S avs that large eye
will take in more at a glance, though
perhaps with less attention TO details, than
a small one Generally speaking, large
eyes see things in general, and small eyes
things in particular. The one sees many
things as whole, considering them in
philosophical or speculative way, often
seeing through and beyond them; the
other sees fewer things, but usually looks
keenly into them.
In the afternoon large piles of the gilt
tering silver were counted out for the pay
rolls of the various tobacco factories. 1t
was quite interesting to follow this new
money to its destination, and watch the
sable employees of the factories receive 1t,
Of +bo,,, for tho fret time in their