The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-06-22

hundred years ago."
Wit and HumOr.
GETTING at the root of the matter
Digging stumps.
HARVESTING is usually season of re-
joicing, but the onion crop is gathered
In tears.
The difference between baby and an
overcoat is: one you was, and the other
you wear.
CRUsTY says that the list of marriages
in the newspapers ought to be put under
the head of Ring Frauds"
YOU'VE SWELL should like to have
my mustache dyed" Polite barber
Certainly. Did you bring it with
you?"
ALWAYS pick out bald headed barber
to shave you, because he can't con-
sistently ask you to buy any hair re-
storer.
WHEN two gentlemen at party mad
vertently change hats, the man who gets
the worst tile is always the first to dis
cover the mistake.
JUDGE" Have you anything to offer
to the court before sentence is passed
on you2" Prisoner" No, Judge. I
had $40, but my lawyers took that"
WOMAN has many advantages over
man one of them is that his will has
no operation till he is dead, whereas hers
generally takes effect in her lifetime.
A MOMENT of triumph: House-hunter,
| who has just been shown the best fur
nished room in the house." Ahem l
suppose you use this as a storage-room.
WHEN a woman throws brick-Eat,
the great problem seems to be, not
how to hit the mark, but how to avoid
knocking her brains out with her elbow.
Two BOYS (twins) came to school for
the first time. The master called up the
tallest of the two and asked him what
was his name Answer, "John." Chow
old are you2" Answer very innocently),
"Ten minutes afore ebay"
LIVES of rich men all remind us
We may make our lives ridiculous,
And, departing, leave behind us
Wives and rods wherewith to pickle us.
Babes, and here and there a mother,
Who. if not left sufficient ''means,"
Will howl and make righteous pother,
And knock that will to smithereens.
Graphic.
"I DON'T see why the papers make
such a to do about it, said Mrs. Part
ington as Ike read, Great Picture of
the Prodigal Sunburnt. "He went
without his hat, she murmured the
sun is getting hot now, and he should
have known better"
ART received an awkward criticism
from free-and-easy young man who re-
Gently met q sculptor III social circle,
and addressed him thus: " Er-er-sO
you are the man-er-that makes-er-
mud heads?" And this was the artists
reply Er-er-not all of 'em !; l
didn't make yours.
ONE Ohio editor says of a contempt
rary who had assumed the part of a
mummy in dramatic performance: CHE
was obliged to put a little animation into
himself to come up with the character,
and to wear more recent linen; but that
was about all. Nature had admirably
qualified him to act the part.
TELLING of man who had lost his life
in riot, Belfast paper said: "They
fred two shots at him; the first killed
him, but the second was not fatal. He
was not blessed with two lives as was the
deaf man, Taft, who ''was run down by
a passenger train and killed; he was in
jured in a similar way year ago"
A DUTCHMAN lately attended the law
court in Boston. to get excused from the
jury box. =" I can't understand goot
Englese," he said "What did he say?'
asked the Judge. 81 can't understand
goot Englese," repeated the Dutchman.
"Take your seat" cried the judge;
- that's 10 excuse you need not be
alarmed, rs you are not likely to hear
any,"
THEY sat in the parlor and he squeezed
her hand. sob, would this hand were
mine," he sighed. "Why?" she SIM
pered. "Because If it WIS mine could
knock bullock down with it better than
with sledge hammer" The last seen
of the young man, he was trying to climb
on the top of the house by means OF the
Water-spout.
s'EATNG peanuts by the peck. Casa
blanca modifed.-Oh, how detestable
is this comestible Doctors denounce
them as quite indigestible. Still the
BOYS munching them, cracking and
crnnching them, hopelessly seek lunch
in them. Crammed to safety farewell
propriety y still they go cracking on,
pests OF society. Symptoms of cholera,
making them holler g All u soon super
vene while the peanuts they swaller-ahl
Would you our gratitude gain, from our
latitude drive this abuse-lt would COM
fort us, that it would Danish it utterly,
nuts in the gutter lay then LII sub
scribe myself yours, sir, peanutterly.
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