Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-12-21
SENSE AND NONSENSE.

witty, accosted an old rag-man as follows:
g You take all sorts of trumpery In your
cart. don't you?' Eyes; jump in, jump
in"
A CORRESPONDENT of the Keene On. H.
Sentinel suggests an amendment to the
Federal Constitution making it imperative
that every male child be tattooed with his
name and date of birth.
THERE was so little into ication in the
Centennial that one of the Commissioners
is led to say 90 it appears to prove that the
mass of our people are disposed to be
temperate in spite of the temptation to
drink, provided they have also at hand
entertainment suited to their mental ca
pacity."
A GENTLEMAN recently had occasion to
consult his halter, but was unable to find
in the shop the precise article that he
needed. @ Come Tomorrow" said the
halter, finally; 81 know to t. what you
require. You want tranquil hat with
moderated and not unseemly gayety in the
brim. I'll fix it for you tomorrow, sure. -
WINTER has come aeai |, and the be-
wildered populace of Rhode Island will
get up early in the morning and hastily
empty their ashes over into the adjoining
States and scuttle back into the house be-
fore the Connecticut police or the MasSa-
chusetts people are awake. War will
grow out of this thing before many years.
THE fact that yellow-f fever disappears at
the first frost suggests to New Orleans
physician, as a preventive measure, that,
by subiccting passengers and cargOcs IN
quaratine to a temperature below the freez-
ing point for a short time, all seeds of the
disease can be destroyed. About six de-
grees above zero is the point Of cold he
thinks necessary.
IT is stated that unless the Government
takes immediate measures to prevent van
dalism, the beauty OF Yellowstone Park
will be destroyed Because it is the prop
ertY of the United States, every curiosity
seeker feels himself licensed to hammer
and hack at pleasure, and no doubt, if it
could be done, the hot springs would be
carried off bodily and set up in private
residences for warm baths.
PROFESSOR VI Miss r., suppose you
were to start and go northeast, where
would you fetch up?" Miss r. AT
the North Pole" Professor V" Now,
Mr.. r., suppose you were to start from
the North Pole, after Miss r. had arrived
there, and 90 southwest, where would you
bring up?" Mr.. R." Professor, /
couldn't get away from the pole"
PRoF CLELAND, of Galway, has issued
a new work entitled, "A Dictionary for
the Dissection of the Human Body"
Such work supplies long-felt want,
and must have large sale. There is
nothing more provoking and discOuraging
than to undertake to carve human body,
and, being unable to strike the joints, be
compelled to twist a leg off in a most pain
fully unscientific manner! The book will
be handy to have in the house Norris
t0aoa Herald.
A MINISTER of the gospel advcrtisps for
wife as follows: " Wifc-A Bride Want
ed-A preacher, thirty years of age who
has Travelled six years in the Lords vine
yard with an eye single to His glory-well
recommended for his faithflancss and
trutl-desires to marry a good lady, who
has talent and ability to assist the cause
a gift to sing, able to weigh an argument
and some skill in presenting it by talking
AM writing, and worth s., 600"
ONE FOR TEACHER.-A schOOlmastel
tells the following good one: q was
teaching in quiet country village. The
second morning of my session [ had lcis-
ure to survcymy surroundings, and among
the scanty furnitureI espicd three legged
stool Is this the Ounce block . [ asked
little girl of five. The dark eyes spark
led, the curlS nodded assent, and the lips
ripplcd out, | suppose so; the teacher al
ways sits on it The stool was unoccupied
that term"
THEY were giving " Pique' at theatel
one afternoon lately. Two young ladies
living at a distance. having to take the
train at an early hour, were obliged tC
leave before the representation was fin
ishcd Selecting, az they thought, a very
quiet time in the play, they were passing
down the aisle when an actor suddenly
appeared on the stage, and, repeating g
part of his role, exclaimed: There they
90; the only two women ! ever loved. One
| couldn't have, and the other | can't get. .
4 POOR fellow, afTiict d with a compl
Gated and painful disorder. is to be treated
by famous surgeon The operation i,
delicate and difficult, and the operator i.
listened to with brcathleSs attention by al
immense audience of students and friends
and while probing the wounds he narrate:
his theory and treatment The paticn
Sighs means. hOwls ''ConfOund vOu!'
cries the surgeon, "will you hold YOU
tongue? How on earth do you suppose
any one can hear me ?"-N. Y, World
THE owner of a cotton farm who wa.
sadly in need of pickers approached al
old negro on the public square yesterday
and the following dialogue ensued
!" Come, Ned, you picked cotton for mt
last year, and | want you again" 81
dunno, massa." {" Come along and get il
the wagon; I've good cotton, and II
give you six bits hundred pounds
Well, it jes' depends on one thing
"Whats that?" Z" Is you got dat same
old par scales?" "No, a bran new pair ,
"Wall, dat bcin' de case I'll go wild you
Waco tTer.) Examiner.
S THERE are number of middle AGED
gentlemen who, thinking themselves en-
dowed by nature with oratorical ability
visit Sunday schools to display thei
speech making qualities. One of thes,
gentry had round of four or five schools
which he visited regularly and as regular
ly bored, ending his orations invariably
with Amen! While visiting one of thu
schools, the Superintendent, out of cour
tesy, asked him if he desired to say few
words to the school. "Wa'aI yes, II
say Just a word or two!' and straighten
ing himself up, he began: "Wa'al
chil'un, the Superintendent wants me t
speak TO YER Meow, what shall | say
what shall / talk about?" bright little
fellow, about four years of age, sitting il
the front seat, who evidently had hearC
the orator before, jumped to his feet, anC
1isped out loud enough to be heard al
over the schOolroOm: Thay Amen,
AMI thit DOWN.
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