The weekly Elko independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 1872-1887, 1876-10-01
NAY ApELEVs RECORD.
- Candidate FOE tho E'rr,idCncy-h
Bigger kinsCui than IIitlrn or
iIuyrS.

Max A.lelcr has determined 10 nun
for the Presidency. His platform is
thus announced i'll the New York Eio,-
rdtoi Weekly:
have pretty wolf made up my mimi
to run for tho Presidency. What the
coHrtry wants is Il candidate who cali
not DO injured 10y investigation OF his
past history, SO that the cucmieS Of the
pnrty will be unable 10 rake up against
him things that nobody ever heard of
before. If you know ihc most about
candidate, to begin with every ATTEMPT .
TO spring things OH him will be- check
mated. Now nIn going to enter the
field with nn open record. I am going
to own up in advance 10 ell the wicked
ness l have done, aud IL any corgrcs-
sional committee is disposed TO prowl
around my biography, i'll the hope Of
finding any dark and deadly deed which
1 have sccretetl, why let ii prowl.
IN the frs: place, l admit that did
tree rheumatic grandfather in the
Winter of 1859. lie was old AID incx--
pert Ill climbing trees, bat with heart
less brutality that is characteristic Of
me, ran him out Of the font door in
his night shirt, ut the point Of shot
gun, and caused him to bowl mp
maple tree, and there he remained all
aight, while l cmptied shot into his
lcGE. l did this because lie snorcd.
will do il again il ever have another
grandfather who SHORES. | am as in
human as ever was H. 1859. 40 rhru-
matte person shall snore in my house.
candidly acknowledge that / ran
away at the battle Of Gettysburg. Ny
friends aud / have tried TO smooth over
this fact Ivy asserting tia! got behind
tree; that L did so for the purpose OF
initiating Washington who went into
tho wYotls ut Valley Forge TO say his
prayers. II ii n miserable subtcrfugc.
| cut in Il straight limo for the Tropiu Of
ancer simply because | was scared.
| wanted my country saved, but | pre-
fcrred having somebody else save her.
entertain that preference yet. If the
bubble reputation can hc Obtained Uuly
ut tho canu"n's month, I am willing to
so there for il, providing the cAnmon's
empty. II il is loaded my Immortal
ana inflcXtblc purpose is to get over The
fence and go homo. Ny inyHriabic
practice in war has hccn 10 bring out az
any given fight two.thirls more than l.
took in. This scomS to mc to be Ma
polconic il all its grandeur.
Tho last time 1 Fan fu: President
there WAS some unpleasant talk about
my implication i'll transaction with
tho Widow Pollock ducks, The mlt.
ter WAS hISlcd up; bmt have no OBJ
lection 10 admitting the truth respecting
il. | have always had a theory chat
roast ducks wcro conducive TO liyhicri.
cal symptoms, and ~ every instinct Of
my nature prompts n!c to protect tho
widow from the rnYaEcS III hyE,rria,
entered tho coop aud rcgrcifully but
firmly removed ihoas ducks. The fact
that she began prosecution against he
il not u matter Of CuuGYqucnCJ. Il IL
th" tat" Of tho rhiIanihOpist To- be mis-.
understood. I'ut duty IL my guiding
star. AMI il il loads mo Ia ducks OF dc.
struction, ! shall follow il.
Ny financial virwR are Of Tho most do
cidcd character, but they aro not likely, |
perhaps, 10 increase my popularity with |
tho advocates 81 imitation aud cDntrac. |
ton. do not insIs. upon tho special !
supremacy al rag money al hard money.
Tho great fundamental principle Of my
life Is 10 take any kind can get.
The rumor thu. buried ticml mint |
under one Of my grape vines is founded |
Oh fact. Tho vino needed fcHiliziuy: |
my aunt had to he buried. and tlcdicn. |
ted her iD that high purpose. Dnos |
that unfit mo for the Presidency The |
Constitution Of our country doo5 not |
say 80. 80 other citizen wns ever con.
siiereh unworthy Of the Office because |
lie enriched bis grapevine with his re-
lntions. Why should 10 selected IN
the first victim Of an absurd prejudice?