National Republican., 1876-02-24

Of the earth. Now, this is what we call
discovery worth making. Morse and
What's his name were great in their way.
no doubt Franklin played some very nice
tricks with his kite and key, and Rob
ert Fulton. when he started up the
Hudson on his original ''St. John
steamer, was perhaps exhibiting quite
q talent for invention but, pShaw
here's Woolfork. now, thinks nothing OF
such trifes. Those were the simple in
ventions of an early age; an age when
science was In naukeen breeches, as it
were, but Woolfork proposes to take away
even great Jove's bundle of lightning rods
and arrows from him and run this business
of the weather on an entirely new basis
make joint stock company OF it, in fact,
with a capital of 100000 elect himself
president and hereafter have us at his
mercy. We rather deprecate this thing as
a dangerous innovation. This giving to
one man the balance of power, SO to speak,
smacks of Casarism, and should be opposed
by the Herald and all good papers. But
still there are advanta ges, such as those
enumerated, that are not to be sneezed at,
and are rather pleasing TO the imagination.
Think of the prospect there will be for
speculation in Alaska lands, or the chances
that will open for business operations around
the Pole. Why, some enterprising hair
dresser will have it painted for a sign the
first thing we know. And then to have
tba nrSarinr Of uyaafharI
nice! Angelina will telegraph: Dear
"Mr. Woolfork Please do send us the
"love!iest day for our picnic tomorrow
"that ever was, or words to that effect,
and old Cottonbales, when he secs his sum-
hner stock likely to prove drug on the
market, will order season of hot weather
at once and to draw on him for the
expenses. Palmleaf hats and dollar
busters will go up again, and Cottonbales
will smooth his ruled front, and smile
complacently once more. And SO in other
things. Spring, that is forever lingering in
the lap of winter, will be obliged TO spring
up as boys do from crooked pins The
aggrayating rains that come just when they
are not wanted will be switched off at
pleasure by application to Woolfork. Ex-
cursions and parties can have days to suit
with storm to drive them home early if
desired, by merely sending word to the
philosopher Of the Aleutian Isles. Dry
goods stores that want warm weather, and
woolen factories that pray for Polar waves
will come TO words, perhaps, and umbrella
men will grow crazy, and-herc startling
query arises. Will not this new industry
como to be perple1ing after awhile after
all3 Aye. there's the rub. Some way we
do not all want the same kind of weather.
Farmers antsgonize dealers. Fat men and
women hate the mild ethereal wave that
bathes the lean ones in sea of ecstasy.
What will become of the dealers in Artic
overshoes. and the clothing men who man.
ufacture Ulster overcosts and fur caps. All,
We must pause This grows upon us. 1t
will not do. WoOlfork, for the,next thing!it
will get to be question as perplexins as
initiation and will sweep down business in
terests and Congressional usages and carry
the country itself TO destruction no. ii
won't do. You are smbitious, and we
commend you for 1t but this is carrying
things too far. While we would not frown
down any legitimate operation in the
weather, yet, after all the bureau is in
pretty good hands now. Old Prob. is slow,
of course, but then he's sure and sooner
than take up with any new tangled no.
tions, or give chance for weather corners,
we believe we prefer to bear the ills we
have.