National Republican., 1876-12-07

| "A Jersevman put his head too close "a
| cage in which a wounded sni1e was confined
and the bird thrast his bill int5Hls eye, destroy
| ing-his sight. -
And speaking of curious rsmes. bry
named George Danestine was run ever in Bait.
more the other day.. -.
| u-Scalps pass for currency in Dead wood.
| There is premium Of y per cent. ca those with
| the right ear attached.
"A lady wished seat in a crowded
tYou are Jewell" she sssd. so mo- no. am eis, ieg
eler; havsj Just set the jewel"
New York papers speak of "cradIe
ropes" for the new bridge, as If they Intended t.
strangle every baby in Brooklyn. E-
Progress is making tremendous strides
in the Black Hills. Men wear collars in Custer
City, and there lisa canary BIRD at DeadwoOd
Chemists have discovered that purp-
yell color can be made from tEs bark of dog-wood
Whoever made that quadrupsd joke may go up
"A heartless man, hearing that fsrme r
out West had chopped hts ow-S son in two, re-
the middle.
The clay model of the statue of Ju rez.
which has heen ordered from Mr.. Gagliardi. of
Just been Completed 49, =
The reporter of Cleveland paper
says runaway horse there kn noc,zed two other
horses "of their feet" but omits to say If the
Rhode Island children are allowed to
play near their homes after prorrfsing their
parents that they will not over into Connect
cut or Massachusetts
"A fruit-preserving concern in Cslifor-
MA Ma, has dried fifteen tons Of prunes tais season
from the precious fruit.
1t is easier for a camel to 90 through
the eye Of needle than for the rich man TO enter
into the vestry and come out with whole pocket
A deprfiSers
The Norristown Herald doubts
whether Capt. Mares could have reached the pole
with balloon, butthinks he might have reached
the balloon with pole if it sailed pretty low
When you sit down suddenly and with
surprising force upon the sidewalk, you may
know that winter Is here, but don't swear. Re-
slippery places.
-Milady who has been abroad now
adopts the foreign plan; and her footman stands
in the lobby Of the theatre when the performances
Is over with his arms filed with wraps and his
eyes with dignity.
"A man. ragged, bruised and penniless,
drunkard on saturday, was once rich and pros
porous citizen, an honored alderman and oan-
didate for Mayor Of the city.
"A Wipchendon msu, whose election
bet, If lost, demands that he shall walk ten miles
and carry cel tain little pig, is getting anxious
for the decisive .-eturns, as the pig is growing
most malieiously big and fat.
1t is supposed that returning boards
TONED aS SAVING 9nso Retar1 rs rstn1n @en
return" - PitSbsrg Commercial. Yes and
Orpah returned in the most Ruthless manner.
"A Cincinnati belle of sweet nineteen
has married an OLD d man Of eightyshsee with tho
asplendid farm. Those Western girls reverence
hoary head with large real estate attach
ment. .-s7
"A young Chinaman has been admitted
the IA az
without opposition from tine students, who treat
him as well as though he was Of their own race
He has parted with his queue and dresses Like an
Ninety three ladies were aspirsnts for
admission to the singing classes Of the Paris Con-
seryatore at the recent examination. only nine OF
whom were adjudged worthy of undergoing the
preliminary tolls and training to nt itfism ION =
public career.
Scene at a Connecticut post office :
Lady-.Is there letter for me?' Clerk
clerk, and the lady goes of srowiug about
sassy clerks" " and bowling for change in the
Administration.
The "when-I was at the Centennial
man and woman are now beginning to cast dark
shade over life. 1t is inevitable, however, and
perhaps fortunate, for 1t gives the weather a rest
in ballroom gossip and is topic within reach Of
all compreheDsions.
Of canary bird owned by a lawyer in Virginia
City, Nevada, which never goes into its cage to
sleep, but flies about in its owners office at will.
1t is said to chew tobacco eat mucilage and drink
ink. Can AIRY bird beat that?
The project of the Paris police, after
consultation with number of competent on
cials. has decided TO- put into immediate operI-
tion a plan organizing classes for reading and
writing in all the prisons which all conyicfs te-
tally uneducated shall be made to attend.
Conclusive argument. "When a
woman" says the Brooklyn Argus, '1can feel q
mouse crawling along her spinal column, and
think Whethar has On rin
stockings, before keeling over in ft, she i3 at
least qualified to enjoy the elective franchise"
We can not learn any particulars of
the hunting excursion made by cross ed man
and another fellow last week But the cross eyed
man has the air Of one who discovers himself in
error, and the base ment Of the other :e'ow's pan
does not sit down anywhere.
The French Minister of the Interior
has procured hst Of individuals In France wholly
or partially useless through physical ailmenf-
are women: s5.s1s persons affiicted with goitres.
in the front of the throat; 41T3 blind from
birth, and 20, ,0il blind through accident.
Things is getting slouchways in dis
country. declar to grashus ef de5 amt said an
piller, den de chicken kollery, an now here cum
de grasshoppers; an hear de udder day dat
niger was pisened with mushmilliOn. Looks
like hard times+you heerd my horn"
There is quite a mania existing at
present for oyerhauling the monuments Of Paris.
Among other familiar and prominent features OF
the city, the dome OF the Institute OF France.
opposite the Tutlleries, is to be pulled down and
rebuilt. An effort is to be made to have the work
completed in time for tho Exhibition
Germany will not. take part officially
son given being that the German Government
and the Chambers of Commerce do not anticipate
Paris to variant the srge to Be n
Cured by the Empire. In addition, they think
the present time of depression inopportune.
The eldest son of an English earl was
brought before the Woolwich magistrates re-
Gently under strange circumstances He had en-
listed in the Royal artillery, and eonhded so far
in the magistrates as to say that he had been
this amounting only to s, 500 per annum. The
fees.
"A renowned clergyman lately preached
rather a long sermon from the text, Thou art
weighed in the balance and found wanting At
ter the congregation had listened about an hour.
some began TO get weary and went out; others
minister. Another person started, w6ereupon the
parson stopped in his sermon and said: That's
right, gentlemen; as fast as you are weighed pass
out .--
i 1t is a somewhat significant fact that
the discussion about the surrender by England of
the Island of Heligoland, at the mouth Of the
River Elbe, should be removed just now by Bis
declares that Germany is too powerful to admit
of her principal harbors being blockaGed by
English forts, and that the possession of EIeligo-
land by the Imperial Government Is absolutely
necessary for the protection of Germany.
Herman OFT, of Omaha, could not get
living as q carpenter, and consequently became
n grave-digger. This employment made him
melancholy, and he says that he was unable TO
repel the idea that he ought to bury himself So
he dug q grave, shot himself at the brink Of il,
and fell in. He had arranged several bushels OF
dirt to fall on him when his body knocked out a
prop, but the contrivarce did not work, nor did
the bullet kill him. His physician advises
change Of employment.
"A beautiful young lady who had al
lowed the tendrils Of her heart to tWine fondly
around a strappinK great conductor on horse
ear, had her affectionate nature crushed by the
discovery that be was taking fare from her, and
dead. heading another girl In the same street.
She did not eat pickles and pine away, but wrote
him an affecting epistle, which read: "You want
to knock down enuf stamps to buy me patsler
shawl & dolley vardln before Sunday, or VIII
put an awning over that girls Eye the next time
| meet her in Society. You heer me-
Some time ago Dennis Morrissey, Of
Marshall, Mich, died, bequeathing 5000 to each
Of two relatives in Ireland and the balance Of his
estate, about sso,0c0, to James M. Parsons, OF
MARSHALL Relatives IN Ireland contested the
will on the ground Of undue ineuencs, one OF their
number coming over TO attend the case Ihe
a haan trial In the TTnituI States Cir.