The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1876-01-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

how
If you see a man with big diamond on
his shirt front, have him arrested. 1t may
not be Tweed, but it will serve him right
anyway. More truth than poetry.
Detroit policemen don't seem to be very
good marksmen. 81 want you either 10
hit me OF stop making such . blamed
racket, said thief in that city, at whom
y policeman was shooting.
Rev. II. III. Murray has an article in the
Golden Rule, advocating lying in bed in the
but there seems to be no particu-
lar necessity for us to paste it in our hat.
A loving husband at st. Louis recently
to his wife as follows "What
have you for breakfast and how is the
baby 7" The answer came bsck-''Buck
wheat cakes and the measles.
There has been light fall of snow, and
as she pressed her nose against the window
pane and watched him shyiug around the
coal-hole covers, she knew that some time
in the dim past that mans confidence had
been shaken.
A subscriber to a Southwestern news
paper died recently, leaving four years
unpaid. The editor appeared
at the grave and deposited on the coffin a
palm leaf fan, linen coat, and q Their
mometer
Ned and lack are sad topsrs-been sad
sivce 4th o July last Ned tole z. his
nose was the last rose Of Summsr. z. re-
torted, "taint blooming alone" They
left deal of ground plowed up, and both
noses are poulticed. -4s
A few days since q man convicted Of
drunkenness stood up before His Honor at
the Police Court, and His Honor said, in
his slow, solemn way, I'm give you SO OF
thirty days = well, Ill take the $40,
squire, said the fellow.
A simple looking country Lad, TO whose
lot fell the leading questions in the cate
chism, What IL your name ." replied,
Carrots :" ''WhO gave you that name g.
Gan the boys in the parish, sir, /" whiningly
replied the red .haired urchin.
An AmericAnized citizen was called on As
q witness ia a case before one Of the justices
lately, and when the oath was administered
he raised both hands and said II shall
spoke holdings what amt drew, if ever /
hope to die 50 quick as a minute !"
This is the kind of weather when man
sees his wife coming into the room with q
scuttle of coal, and, after she has poured
every bit Of it into tine top of the tall stove,
says Darn it, Hannah, you ought 70 ave
asked me to do that. But it's too late
now"
A DAnburv man, wishing to engage
several bushels OF potatoes from o party in
the suburbs, mixed neighbor what sort Of
a man he was. "Well." said the conscien-
tious neighbor. Il don't know very much
about him, tct should think he would
make a tip-top stranger.
"Chi.lren," said a country minister, ad-
dressing Sunday Scool, why are we like
flowers What do we have that flowers
havel" And small boy in the infant class,
whose breath smelled of vermifngs, rose up
and made reply, Worms, and the minister
crept under the pulpit chair TO hide his
emotion.
How much do you ask for that there
velvet by the yard r. Said Ms Rural ut
Stewards yesterday. THAT madame, =
aid the clerk, holding it up, ia nine dol
lars-formerly sold at fourteen. Thought
SO. said Mrs. Rural 'now where's them
eighteen cent calicoes seed advertised in
the papers O.
Mr. Lincoln used to tell in his inimitsble
way q story of Winchester converted
Confederate, who was 90 oveTjoyed at re-
- Ia - o..
Thank you, Mr.. President, thank you
Now I'm pardoned, s'pose I'm as good a
Union man Al any Of you-emphatically
one Of you again. But didn't Stonewall
jackson give Us hell in the valley -
There 10 nothing which will inspire not
dressed un woman with such terror a. the
appearance of q dressed up sister. How
ever devoted she may be to the front-yard
flowers, she will leave them in dash on
the approach Of dressed-up female, and
taking her steed behind the front blind
with, in brief space Of time, see every
thing she has got on, and figure out the
cost within few cents.
A young gentleman got neatly out Of q
fine scrape with his intended. She taxed
him with having kissed two young ladies
at some party at which she was not present.
He owned up 70 it, but said that their
united ages only made twenty-one. The
supplemented girl thought Of ten and
eleven, so laughed of her pout. He did
not explain that one was nineteen and the
the other two years Of age. Wasn't it art
full
Gpr.r CrpAw R.~~,e ~ o.L.~
day a simple-mInded German called ON q
grocer to pay bill, giving him $40 note.
The grocer examined it and said ''Huno,
where did you get this note" ''Vot is de
reason init does note !" replied the honest
Teuton don't she wash good, help r.
GOOD p answered the grocer; "why,
your lucky man-that note 10 worth
$40. CO." ''Ish dat 90 Why for r. "Yor
see the signature over here, don't your
Dose thing like . oOrkscrew init de
wormsi YAH" "Well, that's Spinner's
signature. .svsn." '@weIl, Nr.Nsu il
now Treasurer Of the United Suasss. !" "You
don't tole me @ Nen." well, and
notes signed bySpinner are getting scarce,
and people pay Eve per cent. more Cor
them than the new issue" by shiminy,
10 dot soT' Yes. Lemme zee your bills.
Why every one Of them 10 Spinner. Man
alive, YOUR fortune il made" In punuanss
Of the gEocer's advice NJ Schneider called
1t the Sub-Treas lry Saturday afternoon
to get the premium On mn bills. What
success he had 1t il impossible to state, hut
he was seen later in the evening lurking
round the street by which the grocer must
20 home, and on being aecostea by m -
lusintanceths following dOn rarssti6i ltp&k
place ''Der peoples Won sharmsny tights
we'll. hsini O. ''Oh, yea the Gsrmans ere
nDquestiUnabiy . military nation Of the
int olAss." "Soms big tiyLts. hsia
Lsipsie9" 'syss." tsUnd Sadowsf'
Yes" "Und KsnigErais r. ..esrtain-
w." ''UHd Worth, und MARSHA Toar,
and Gravelotts, und Sedan I" ''Of course,
'f eourss = Disc was all big battlss,
aud der Dsutsch licked r Yea" .svsI,
Vou .ost wait till dat grocery store ahnts