New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-10-22
Tho "Automatic Welcome. >,

The HACK eye has just got into it's new
editorial rooms, and it is proud to say tina,
it has the finest, most comfortable. complete
and convenient editorial rooms in America
They are finished Oft with q little invention
which will be of untold value to the profes
sion of journalism when it is generally
4 adopted, and We know that it will rapidly
! come into universal use as soon ss its merits
are understood and appreciated. We be.
lieve it is fully equal, in all that the term
implies, to the famous Bogsrdess Kicker,
less liable to get out of order. and less
easily detected by casual visitors. It is known
as "Middlecrib's Automatic Welcome
| The ssnctum is on the same floor as the
newsroom, being separated from it by q
partition, in which is cut large window,
easily opened by an automatic arrange
| of that window and near the head of the
stairs, and on the side of the table next to
| the windw, directly opposite the editor, the
vieitor's chair is placed. It has an inviting
| look about it, and its entire appearance is
| guileless and commonplace. But the strip
| of floor on which that chair rests is de-
| ception aud fraud. 1t ia an endless chain,
like the floor of horsepower, and is oper-
ated at will by the editor, who has merely
to touch q spring in the floor to set it in
motion. Its operation can best be under
stood by personal inspection.
Yesterday morning about ten o'clock, Mr..
Bostwick came in with funny story to tell.
He naturally Topped down in the chair that
had the strongest appearance of belonging
to some one else and began in his usual
happy vein: "fve got the richest thing
OF! ha. hs, ba!-ths best thiDg-oh! bv
George! can't-Oh. ha, ha, ha! Oh! it's
too good! Oh! by George, the richest thing!
Oh! it's too loud! You must never tell
where you got-Oh, by George! l can't do
it! It's too good! You know-oh, ha,
ha, hs, oh, he, he, he. You know the-ob,
by George l Ca" Here the editor
touched the spring, a nail-grsS under the
bottom ot the chair reached swiftly up and
caught Mr. Bostwick BY the cushion of
his pants, the window flew up, and the
noiseiess belt of floor gliding on its course
bore the astonished Mr.. BOtwick through
the window out into the newsroom, half
way down to the cases, where he was re-
ceived with great applause by the delighted
compositions. The window had claimed
down as soon - he passed through, and
when the editorial foot was withdrawn
from the spring and the chair dropped and
the nail grab resumed its accustomed place,
young Mr.. Bostwick found himself SO kind
of out of the sanctum, like it might be, thar
he went slowly and dejectedly down the
stairs, as it were, while amazement sat upon
his brow, like.
The next casual visitor was Mr.. j. Alexis
Flaxeter, the critic. He had COPY of the
Hankeye in his hand, with all the typo.
graphical errors marked in red ink. and his
face was so wreathed in smiles that it was
impossible to tell where his mouth ended
AID his eyes began. He took the vacant
chair and spread the paper out before him,
covering up the editors manuscript. "My
keen vision and delicate sense of accuracy"
be said. "are the greatest crosses of my life. |
Things that You never see are mountains in |
my sight. Now here, you see, is -" The |
spring clicked softly, like an echo to the i'm |
patient movement of the editors foot. the |
nail grab took hold like bulldog helping a |
Burlington troubadour over the garden |
ence. the chair shot back through the win
low like q meteor, and the window came |
Town with clam that sounded like q wood |
N giant getting eff the shortest bit of pro-
anity known TO man; and all was silent
gain. Mr.. Flaxa.er sat very close to the
rosted window, staring blAnkly at the
louded glsss, seeing nothing that he could
'ffer any explanation of what he would
AVE firmly believed was a landslide, had
10 not heard the editor, safe in his guarded
len. softly whistling. I'VE shall meet, but
We shall miss him.
Then there was q brief interval of quiet
q the sanctum, and q rustling of ralmept
vas heard on the stairs. A lovely woman
inferred and stood unawed in the editorial |
resence. The E. p, on it's part, was rather
ervOus and uncomfortable. The lovely
voman seated herself in the fatal chair.
he slapped her little grip-sack on the table
nd opened her little subscription book.
he said: 81 am collecting cash contribu.
exclusively and peremp-
orily cash cOntributions-to pay Oft the
hurch debt and buy an organ for the Mis-.
ion Church of the Forlorn Strangers, and l
xpect-" There are times when occasion
emands great effort. The editor bowed
is head, and after one brief spasm of re-
,orse, felt for the secret spring. The win
ow went up like q charm; the reckless
all grab hung back for q second, as if held
y feeling of innate delicacy, and then it
hut its eyes and smothered its pity and
cached up and took death-like hold on
Ill of able and influential newspapers and
network of string and tape, and the
alvalcade backed out into the news-room
18th colors flying. The chaii stopped just
efore the familiar spirit who was washing |
10 forms, and as the lovely woman gszed
the inky face she shrieked, 'Mercifnl
eavens, where am II" and was born 9 |
own the gloomy stairway unconscious,
lille the printers whose cases were near
It the wicked window heard the editor
nging, as it might be to himself. ''DeaI ess
ster, thou hast left us."-Buriingto