The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-03-04

-Auctioneers are generally Of morbid
disposition.
Food that goes great way-American
beef in London.
English aurist to his Celtic patient:
" Come back to Earinr'
"A noi est man is the noblest work of
, the New York police department.
-"S She Stops to Conquer" was written
before the days of PIN back skirts.
A Virginia editor predicts that every
body will smoke two centuries hence.
Tweed has solved the problems of
rapid transit, large profits, and no returns.
The individual who was accidentally
injured by the discharge of his duty is still
very low.
If it cost thousand dollars to shingle
a meeting house, how much would it cost
to Flora Temple:
1.-THE rich, said Du,chman, "eat
venson because it ish deer. eat mutton
because it ish sheep
"A Polish dancing. master committed
suicide in Erie, Pa, the other day. He
schottisch own head off.
-" IN married now" was the excuse
Chicago youth gave florist for not buying
as many bouquets as in former years.
A Miss Gilmore was courted by man
whose name was Haddock, who told her
that he wanted only one gill more to make
him perfect fish.
"A Washington young lady says she
won't object to a man with reasonable
quantity of hair on his face, but she
wouldn't like to marry a buffllo robe
There is a man in Indiana who takes
thirtytwo newspapers, and you might as
we'll try to ride whirlwnd on a sdesaddle
as to attempt to impose upon that man.
An experienced old stager says, if you
make love to widow who has daughter
twenty years younger than herself, begin
by declaring that you thought they were
sisters.
Two countrymen seeing a naturalist In
field collecting insects, thus spoke of him:
"Eot's that ere gemman % "Ny. he's
naturalist "Vot's that ." Ivy, Won
who catches gnats, to be sure
"A man hearing of another who was a
hundred years old, said, contemptuously,
"Pshaw. what fuss about nothing. Why,
if my grandfather was alive, he would now
be hundred and fifty years old-'
"A poor Irishman was about to sell his
saucepan, when his children demonstrated.
"Ah, me honeys,' said he, " l would not
be afther partin' with it but for want of
little money to buy something to put in it,"
eff there is anybody under the canis-
ter Of heaven that | haze ia utter excres-
cence," says Mrs. Partington, :" it is the
slanderer, going about like boy construc-
tor. circulating his calomel upon honest
folks"
1t is important to know the difference
between mushrooms and toadstools, but it
takes years to fad out, and authorizes
differ. The only sure test is to eat one.
If you live it is a mushroom. If you die,
it is toadStool
The "leap year necktie" for gentle
men is out. We have not seen it, but sus-
pect it is young lady's sleeve, with an
arm in it, and goes all the way around the
neck. Every enterprisng young gentle
man should have one.
Jones has discovered the respective
natures of distinction and difference.
quently makes many enemies, while ga
little distinction - attracts hosts of friends
to the one on whom it is conferred.
"A friend once visiting an unworldly
philosopher, whose mind was his kingdom,
expressed surprise at the smallness of his
apartment. ''Why, you have not room to
swing a cat.' my friend" was the
serene, unappreciative reply, 81 do not
want to swing cat
-PoErIcAL SOAR.
Messrs. Water and Oil
One day had broil.
AS down in the glass they were dropping.
And would not unite.
But continued to fight,
Without any prospect of stopping.
Mr.. Pearlash o'erheard,
Aud, quick as a word,
He jumped in the midst of the clashing;
When all three agreed,
And united with speed,
Aud Soap came out ready for washing.
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