Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1876-07-23
WITTY WAITS.

u -
a teatotsIer's arguments are pretty
sure to be SOUND, for he is certain to
make use Of nothing which will not
hold water.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable defended his position by
saving they made q man forget all his
other miseFles.
Boss Tweed is hiding in q range OF
mountains in Arkansas, holding one
hand on his heart and fighting mosqul-
tees with the other.
A young woman Of Chicago objects to
the new silver coins because the God
dess OF Liberty is dressed just as she
was fifteen years ago, and that's so ter
ribly "old-fashioned."
Bobby's opinion as to his new sister:
SNOW, 1 suppose l shall have to be very
good, because we have got this baby, for
mother WON'T want her to be naughty,
and she will be it I am"
By the seaside; bathing. Gush and
imprudence: iS5e-It's too lovely for
ANYTHING. d. you know, Arthur, that
one or our poets call 1t
"The aIl-embracing arms OF the scar"
Bs-Yes! by Jove! and believe that's
what some Of you girls go for. She-1ou
horrld thing
A speaker st q stump'speaking out
We9t declared that be knew no east, no
west, no north, no south. "rhen," said
a bystsnder, "you ought to go to school
and learn your geography"
Harriet Martineau is dead, George
Sand hs1 gone to meet Rousseau, and
when George Eliot peters out Susan b.
Anthony will ride upon the tide of time
as proudly as the biggest chip in horse
pond.-BroOlslyn Argus.
The Welsh now claim that one Of
their nationality discovered America
long before Columbus did, but didn't
st0p here long Tor tssr of high taxation.
Columbus should have left mis- name on
tree.
A few weeks since Chicago DRUM
uoer saw a young lady plCughing in 8
| field in MacouDin, Illinois. He stopped
to ask: "When DO you begin crsdling?
'Not until the hects are better filled
than yours" was the sententio"5 reply.
Scene, Fourth street, near Spruce; act
ors, two mites Of humanity, white and
colOred. CoIored boy-"YOu'se nothing
| hut a ID Democrat" White boy
EI wants none az yer chin music. CAL
me some mamie 10 make me mad, and
I'll lick yer in minute"
"Doctor," said gentleman to a ply
stefan, "LIy daughter had TT this
morning, and afLerWard remained for
haitian hour without showing knowledge
or understanding "Oh," replied the
| doctor, "never mind that; many people
continue so all their liVes.n
A Virginia gentleman stopping in
Pittsfield the other day put the currency
differences between the head and tail Of
| the Democratic ticket in striking
| light. 8 id he: "Suppose you had two
| mules Of equal power, and should attach
| them at two different ends Of your wag-
| on and set them agoing, what would be-
| come OF the wagon"
Little Willie, having hunted in all the
! corners for his shoes, at last appears to
| Give them 10, and climbing on chair,
| betakes himself to big book lying on
the side-tsbe. Mother asks him, "What
il darling doing with the boOk?" "lt'th
| the dictionary; papa loOkth in the die
tionaIy for things, and Pm looking TO
see if can find my shoes"
He was an applicant for the position
| of writing teacher in one Of our public
schools. They gave him q copy-book,
and asked him for q specimen OF what
he could do. He took up the pen, and,
! in a handwriting that looked like q
flash of lightning THAT had mistaken the
| direct road, wrote as follows: "SOrreI
! don't kill fOlkes IS fast as green goose
burys."
The following advertisement appeared
in a New Zealand newspaper: "Mr
John Cow begs to intimate to the party
| or parties who are in the habit Of help
ing themselves to his fireWOOd that they
may now have the ak, as he has no fur
tber use for it. He hopes that the taste
which they so strongly displayed FOL
heat may be gratitied, ii Lot In this
| sphere, at least in the next"
'Pat,n said builder to an Irishmsr
| engaged in carrying slate to the top OF 8
four.story building, shave you any
houses in Ireland as tall as this One?'
GYa'ss me mothers cabin.n "HOV
MANY rooms had it?u "TheIe was the
ateing-room, slapeing-roOm the kitchen
room and the pig-pen-four rooms"
HThsts q story" said the bailder
"Ya'as, four Stories" said Pat.
John Philpot Curran and Fathe
| O,Lsary were great friends, and seemed
to have a mutual respect for each other
talents. One day, after dinner, CuTrsI
said: "Reverend father, l wish yoI
were st. Peter.n "And why would yoI
wish that?" asked O'Leary. because
reverend father, in that case" said Cur
ran, "you would have the keys Of heav
en-, and sou would let me in" ''By m.
honor and conscience" replied the Oh
vine, ait would be better for you that
had The keys of the other place, for thel
| could let you out" Curran enjoye'
the joke, and admitted there might be
good deal Of justice in it.
An impecuniOus tramp was unable t
pay his fine, and the recorder OrdeTet
him to be locked up. The city marshal
however, said the lookup was crowded
aud not fit to put prisoner in anyhow
, and he would have to try and make al
rangements to place the fellow in tn
county Jail. Tue prisoner then spok
up: "Gentlemen, 1 see am intruding
Don't put yourselves out to accommo
date me. I'll call again when you ar
not so busy" And q long-legged police
, man had to follow him three time
around plaza, over two fences, throug
a lager beer saloon, and up on top OF
two story chickenhOuse to tell him Z
come back, and they would find plac
| kor him in tho lnakun ANYHOW.