The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1876-09-28
Joe Thompson's Wedding.

1t wasn't hardly the fair thing |
that the boys did to Joe Thompson |
the night he was married. but the |
temptation was irresistible They |
couldn't have helped it to save their
lives. I'll tell you how it was.
Joe was the most fancy dressed |
buck in town-over nice and par
ticular-a' regular Miss Nancy in
manners. always petting on airs,
and more dainty and modest than a
girl. Well, when his wedding night
came he was dressed to kill, and his
pants especially fitted him as if they
had been moulds, and his legs can
dies and run into them. Their set
was immense, and he was prouder
than half dozen peacoclzs.
"Aren't they nice, boysY' he ask
ed of the two who were to be
groomsmen, and see that he threw
himself away in the most approved
fashion.
stunning! Gorgeousr' replied
Tom Bennett. "Never saw anything
equal to them. But 1 say, Joe,
aren't they just a little bit too
tight? 1t strikes me that you will
have some difficulty in bending,
won't you?'
"Pshaw, no! They are as easy
as an old glove. Seer
To prove the matter he bent
down so as to touch his patent
feathers, when crack! crack! fol
lowed like the twin reports of a re-
volver.
"Thunder!' exclaimed Joe, as he
clapped his hands behind, and
found a rent in the cassimeres from
stem to stern. Thunder! the pants
have burst, and what shall 1 do?''
'I should rather think they had, :"
answered Tom, getting purple in
the face, as he endeavored to con
troll his laughter. "But there is no
time to get another. 1t on ly wants
half an hour to standing up time,
and we have got mile to go. Car
riage waiting, too"
'What shall 10? What shall 1
do?"
81 tell you, Joe; if mine would fit
you, you should have them and vel
come, but they are about a mile too
big-would fit like a shirt an a
beanpole. I see no way but to have
them mended."
''Who can 1 get to do it, Tom|
"Wel, am something of a tailor,
and can fix them so they won't
show. Hold on a minute, and I'll
get needle and thread p
Can you? May Heaven bless
you"
"Of with your coat commanded
Tom as he came back.
The command was obeyed, the
pants were mended, the coat-tails
carefully pinned over so as to con
ceal the ''distress for rent" and all
went merry as a marriage bell until
Joe followed his blushing bride to
the nuptial couch.
There was only dim light in the
room, but it enabled Joe, as he
glanced bashfully around, to see the
sweetest face in the world, the rosy
cheeks and ripe lips, the lovely and
loving blue eyes, and the golden
curls just peeping out from the
snowy sheet, and he distinguished
it altogether and hastened to dis
robe himself. Off came coat, vest
fancy necktie, collar, boots and
socks in a hurry, but somehow the
pants stuck. The more he tried
the more they wouldn't come, and
he tugged vainly for half an hour
''Thunderr' muttered Joe.
'sWhat is the matter, dear?" came
in the softest accents from the bed
where somebody was wondering i
he was ever going to come to he
arms.
1t was a moment of desperation
Joe was entirely overcome by tn,
situation, and forgetting his accus
toned bashfulnes, blurted out:
Molly, that cursed Tom Bennett
has sewed my pants, drawers, shir
and undershi-t all together"
''It is too bad. Wait moment
, my dear"
A little stockingless foot peepe'
out first, then a ruffied night-dress
! The lamp was lighted, a pair O
scissors found, Joe released, and al
q though he denies it, Tom Bennett
swears that his wedding shirt wa
of the shortest possible length, res