Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-10-06
f. TJ N :.

A gentleman caught a negro carrying off
some Of his fancy poultry the other night.
"What are you doing with my chickens?"
he yelled. II wuz gwine fer ter fetch 'em
back, boss. Dere's a niger 'roun' here
what's bin 'sputin' longer me bout dem
chick'ns. said dey 'wus Coachin Chyniz,
an he said de wuz Alabamar pullets, an
/ wuz jes takin' 'em roun' fer ter Establish
my nolledge. Dey don't lay no aigs, does
dey, boss? Eff dey does, Pm mighty shamed
er hustlin' Nv EN- roun'. Aigs is scase. -
A lady examining the handsome display
Of goods and hosiery at the fair Monday,
wisely remarked, as her eyes rested upon Il
paia of button kids. Eyes, they are
very handsome, but one doesn't want to
wear them unless she has a handsome
arm'' "And likewise those" significant
ly added her companion, as she point d to
pair of handsomely embroidered stock
we ask pardon, did some one say "Oh?"
Two persons we're once disputing SO
loudly on the subject of religion that they
awoke big dog which had been sleeping
on the hearth before them, and he forth
with barked most furiously. An old di-
vine present. who had been quietly slipping
his tea while the disputants were talking,
gave the dog a kick, and exclaimed: 'Hold
your tongue, you silly brute! You know
no more about it than they do"
A lady, in describing to an irreverent
boy an occurrence in which his father
figured, closed by remarking: "I'm sorry
to say that the thing ended by your father
losing his temper.' ''Did father lose his
temper?" exclaimed the young scapegrace;
ssthen I hope he III never find it again, for
it was the worst temper [ ever heard off,
A New JERSEY man shot at cat and
brought down his wife the first time. The
most singular part of the affair is, the
wounded woman actually believed that he
aimed at the cat. One of the most beauti :
full characteristics of a wife is the unswerv-
ing confidence she places in the word of
her husband.
A DARKEY who had been asleep on the
rear platform of a train of cars that came
into the depot yesterday afternoo n fell off
as the train stopped. He struck on the
top of his head on the ground, and getting
up he gently remarked, swell. what's de
trouble now %
Dewitt Talmage is at home again,
greatly refreshed by his vacation, and the
first time he preached he knocked the stuff
ing out of the cushion and pounded the bare
pulpit until the people outside came in to
see who was playing the bass drum.
ssSavannah News" Much has been said
of the enormrus consumption of tobacco,
and vet you will be surprised to find how
few men use it when your supplies give
out and you ask for a chew.
A little five-year-old of Dorchester some
what surprised his mother few days
since with the remark; "God is every
where; he is all over me and when you
spank me you spank@G cd ~
The croquet season is drawing to a close.
few more days, few more summer
breezes. and the chnace to break mailet
over Young mans head will have walked
into the misty past.
HAS that jury agreed?" asked tie judge
Of a sheriff whom he met ON the stairs with
bucket in his hand. EYES," replied
Patrick: 'sthey have agreed to send out
for half gallon"
EXCHANGES all say :"Look out for coun-
forfeit half dollar coins dated 1858, 1875
and 1876" It's the other kind we are look
inc out for, and without much success, Ell
ther.
1t is a suggestive sight in wandering
through Kentucky town to see tie num-
her Of empty whiskey kegs there are piled
nm in front of the village newspaper office
An officer advising his General to cap
ture a post, remarked sit will only cost
faw men,, SWELL" said the General,
Twill YOU make one of the few men %
Here is the verdict of Kansas jury:
sDied of a kick in the stomach from his
wife. and he never knew what hurt him."
1sIf there's no moonlight, will you meet
rae by gaslight, dearest Juliana 7" mo-"
Augustus, won't; Pm no gas meter"
No woman with proper appreciation
of her rights will marry a man SO tail that
she can't reach his hair.
A boy read that the good die young
and is noM going to the bad for seil'p'o-
tection.
f.oArED COMPROMISING fall in anttaaiiria-
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