The interior journal. [volume] (Stanford, Ky.) 1872-1881, 1876-03-24
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ways drunk. We refer to toasts.
THERE Is one man In Philadelphia
who does not expect to make for.
tune this year. His funeral will take
place tomorrow. -(Norristown Her.
aid.
AFTER man finds out that he has
been winding an cight-day clock every
night for fifteen years. he has a perfect
right to kick the cat all over the
house.
" a young lady wishes a young
gentleman to kiss her, what papers
should she mention, No Spectator,
no Observer, but as many Times as
you please.
He was bound 10 be accurate, aud
he described the woman's costume.
thus "shc wore an elegant suit Of
something or other cut bias, and trim
med endwise."
Mn. BLACKBOARD has been arrested
in North Carolina for not paying his
debts. Why don't his creditors take
some chalk and draw on him.-[N.Y.
Commercial Advertiser.
The Indiana glass works has orders
for $50, 900 demJohns. Even if there
were no almanacs one could tell by
this that IL was Presidential election
year.--[Detroit Free Press.
Ir has just been discovered that it
isn't whisky that kills. When mans
teeth strike tumbler there is friction.
and friction jars his nerves and wears
him out. -(Detroit Free Press.
Az inebriatc recently fell and struck
his nose against a barber-role. On
being raised from the ground he ask
ed. "What in thun.ler 'zat woman
wi striped stcckins on got agin me-"
Mr.. MooDy says. If a man can't
be a light house. let him be tallow
candle" But Mr.. Moody didn't say
what fellow was to play the wicked
part in tho tallow candle.-[Glasgow
(Ky.) Times.
WHEN an Indiana girl gets tired Of
a lover and determines to dismiss him.
she doesn't throw much frcsco work
iuto her speech. IL guess you can
pull of. now, sam" is her icy remark;
"this egg won't hatch"
IT is said that the old Romans also
loved Office. but they aever had the
feeling which an American constable
has-never felt that their shoulders
carried over half the burden Of gov
ernment.-[ Detroit Free Press.
A BAsHrrL young clergyman, re-
Gently rising to preach for the first
time, made terrible mix Of il, an
nouncing his text in this wise-"And
Immediately the cock wept. and Pc
ter went out and crew bitterly"
"BELKSAP was once Democrat,
says q Republican paper. $50 was
Grant. for that matter" chimes in the
Herald.-tE Exchange.
Yes, and we are told that the devil
was once an angel Of light Louis
willie Globe.
"MY poem is rather lengthy she
said, "and maybe you won't have
room for it it this week The editor
yawned and replied, ooh yes, We
could find room for it il it was twelve
twimes as long-our stove Is large
one. you see."-[Franklin Patriot.
weren't you born in March, ask.
ell Fitrgibbons of his loquacious old
friend, Specdlespiker, yesterday. Born
in March, was the reply, "what makes
you ask that question:" "Oh, be-
cause" returned Fitzgibbons, "you
know you're such n famous old blow
er.'-lFranklin Patriot.
A NORTH CAROLINA negro thought
he could outrun a locomotive the other
day on the Air Lin road, and when
he picked himself up, after being
thrown twenty feet and landing on his
head, he said: "Yer don't ketch dis yer
chile dom dat agin. Its right smart
wonder l didn't tear desc britches
clean off,"
The Chinese residents Of Chicago.
celebrated Washington's birthday. not
only retaining from all washing, but
in the composition of patriotic poetry,
of which this Is given as a sample:
| Was man name allie same Geoaghe
In heap big washee allie day long;
plme-bye he glow 81 vcliy much iang..
Mclean man ealle him wash-a-ton.
| WurS vot mn IN N theatair whera m