The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1876-06-02
Agriculture n Fraud-AR Or
fglnal View.


The basest fraud of earth is agri
culture. The deadliest ignis fdtuu
that ever gliLtered to beguile anC
dazzled to betray, is agriculture.
speak with feeling on this subject
for / haYe been glittered, and be
guiled, and daZzled and destroyed
by this came arch decsiVer.
She has made me q thousand
promises, and broken every one o
them. She has promised me sum
mer sQuashes, and the worms have
eaten them winter squashes, and
the bugs have destroyed them. Shit
has promised cherries, and the cur.
culio has stung them, aud they con
tain living things, uncomely to the
eye and unsavOry TO the taste.
She has promised strawberries
and the young chickens have de-
voured them, and the eye csnnot
see them. She has promised toma
toes, and the old hens have encom
passed them, and the hand cannoi
reach them.
No wonder Cain killed his broth.
err. He was q tiller of the ground
The wonder is that he didn't Kill
his father, and then weep because
he hadn't grandfather to kill. Nc
doubt his Early Rose potatoes, iOI
which he paid Adam seven dollars {
barrel, had been cut down by bugs
from the head waters OF the En-.
pirates. His Pennsylvania wheat
hsd been winter-killed, and wasn't
worth cutting. His Norway oats
had gone to straw, and would moi
yield five pecks per acre, and his
black Spanish Watermelons had
been stolen by boys, who had pull
ed up his vines, broken down his
patent picket fence, and written
scurriious doggerel all over his back
gate. No wonder he felt mad when
he saw Abel whistling along with
his fine French merinos worth So 9
head, and wool going up every day.
No wonder he wanted to kill some
body, and thought he'd practice on
Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was
not at all surprising. He had be-
come a husbandman. He had
thrown away magnificent opprotu-
mites. He might have had q mon
opely of any profession or business.
Had he studied medicine there
would not have been another doc
tor within q thousand miles 20 call
him "Quack ;" and every family
would have bought q bottle of
"Noah's Compound Extract of Go
pher Wood and Anti-neluge Syr-
up" As q polititian, he might
have carried his own ward solid,
and controlled tWo-thirds of the
in every convention. AS
a lawyer, he would have been re-
tanned in every case tried at the Ar
arat Quarter Session, or the old Ark
High Court OF Admiralty. But he
threw away all these advantages
and took to agriculture. For q long
time the ground was SO wet he
could raise nothing but sweet flag
and bullrushes, and these at last be-
came drug in the market. What
wonder that when he did get a half
peck of grapes that were not stnDg
TO death by Japhet's honey bees,
be should have made wine aud
drowned his sorrows in q Glowing
BOWL"
The fact is, agriculture would de-
noralize q saint. was almost a
saint when 1 went into it. I'm q
demon now. Pm at war with eve
rything. l fight myself out of bed
1t four O'Clock, when all my better
nature tells me to lie still till seven.
fight myself into the garden to
work like brute, when reason and
instinct tell me to stay in the house
Ind enjoy myself like q man. l
light the pigs, the chickens, the
noles, the huge, the birds, the
yorms-everything in which is the
breath of life. / fight the docks,
mulleins, the thistles, the
grapes, the weeds, the reots-the
Whole vegetable kingdom. 1 fight
he heat, the frost, the rain, the hail
lin short, fight the universe, and
yet WhiDped in every battle.