Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-11-01
Humorous.

IIEAP Oh COlOTeu people IN OulO.
One whole town there full of dusky
citizens Even the blondes are San
dusky bellies.
IHE old mania for Persian cats with
long tails has again broken out among
the Japanese Domios. An enterprising
captain recently sold three for $4,000
No man can rise to so high position
in life that his shirt collar will not I'M
button behind at awkward times and
try to lift him up by the back of the
head.
The latest advance in refining the
English language is, instead of saying
he is raising the old Harry" to re-
mark that he "elevating the ancient
Henry"
GENTLEMEN collars have reached
the point when it is difficult to distin-
guish them from those word by the
end-men in the minstrels There is
supposed to be q good deal of style in
height.
AN up town girl had fall last week
and injured herself SO severely that she
covering, her first words, addressed to
1lC1 olSbOI, W0IC. IudIy, ulu L udVC OL
my striped stockings"
The first time Jerrold saw cele-
brated song writer, the latter said to
him: "Youngster, have you sufficient
confidence in me to lend me guinea?"
ooh, yes" said Jerrold; GIVE all the
confidence but haven't the guinea.
"WELL, my DEAR" said our good
pastor at Sunday-schoOl to two
headed urchin, ~ am glad to hear you
are getting to be better boy" "Why,
sir" said little Joe, loo king up with
grave earnestness, gosh, amt been
sick"
"THE times are hard, my DEAR" said
a man to his better half, and / find it
difficult to keep my nose above water"
"You could easily keep your nose
above WATER returned the lady, -" if
you didn't keep it SO often above
brandy"
A BALD man made merry at the ex-
pense of another who covered his par
tial badness with wig, adding as q
clincher, "You see how bald [ am, and
[ don't wear wig" True" was. the
reply but an empty barn needs no
| thatch."
How late may lovers stay ?is the vital
question just now. Of course there
will be a difference of opinion, but per-
sonally, we should set the TIM e to move
at about the moment when we become
aware that man out in the back bed
room has arisen. and is trcking his
shirt in his pants, and getting on his
boots.--Fa1Hoqa Times.
ITmakes the new preacher awful mad
to be fumbling with heint~icacies of
front gate fastening, trying to get in
and make his first pastoral call, to have
the woman Of the house turn the Stats
in the bay window and call out, 1--WE
haven't got any old clothes to give
away and there amt cold vittle in
the house !"-Haaukeye
The editor of country paper wrote
one evening" To-day is the anniver-
sary of the death Of Louis Philippe"
When the printers proof came up the
name read "Sam Phillips The ed
itor wrote on the margin, "Who the
deuce is Sam Phillips % Next morn
ing the article read To-day is the an
niversary of the death Of Sam Phillips.
Who the deuce is Sam Phillips?'
A FEW months ago, one of the mas
tiers OF country grammar school died.
The school building was closed on the
day of the funeral Johnny Smith
passed the time in playing by a pond
near his house. A few days since, his
mother sent him to school as usual, but
Johnny preferred playing by the pond,
where he met his father, who inquired
why he was not at school Johnny
said there was no school, and when
pressed for a reason, replied triumph
antly, 6 That man is dead again p
They will have their jokes on Cor
nell University. The latest is from the
Haaokeye: A young man applicant for
admission to Cornell University spilled
ink all over his examination papers.
rubbed the blots with his tongue,
sucked his pen clean at the end of
every sentence, spelled the name of
the father of his country 'sgorg wash
ingten, said that "gullus decius Brutus
discovered america" and that it was at
least 679 miles from the earth to the
moon, and nearly twice as far to the
sun; but when it was ascertained that
the applicant was Robinson, the Union
Spring, New York, oarsman, his papers
were marked 125 per cent, and he went
into the sophomore class.