The New Orleans Democrat. (New Orleans, La.) 1875-1876, 1876-01-16

cal cookery, and had presented MS Will,
demijohn, no, q quarter John Of whis-
ky. thinking we might better see his
prospects through q glass, darkly.
Now, while. Downing's political prlncl-
pies are bad and his cooking worse, his
whisky was good, and failing TO SECURE
u continuation OF his subterrenean con-
gressionHl headache, collie and stone,in-
the-ga1l bladder, had come In the night
time TO repossess himself Of that quar-
ter-john OF old whisky. FL d,l..
But come to think Of 1t, the exploit
was too brilliant for Downing. Again,
Downing could not have got out OF Our
house without giving us q discourse on
the equality Of the races. He would
have awakened us from our peaceful
slumbers to point out how admirably
the burglary had been committed, and
claimed, therefore, equal rights for the
oppressed and downtrodden African. /.
For space VIC dwelt upon the belief
that certain ex-Congressmen here In
search Of subordinate positions In Con-
gress and the departments, driven by
thirst, had broken into our wine cellar.
But no four congressman could put
themselves about five bottles OF cham
payne without quarreling and making
attempts to kill each other, In a noisy
and unseemly manner that would have
aroused the whole neighborhood. SO
we abandoned that superstition.
We found ourselves ut loss. IT
might be tho Alabama crowd, with Geo.
Spencer at Its head but then no spoons
are missing. A wild idea struck US that
we may have suffered at the hands OK
the Young Mems Christian Association.
But they are too mean TO drink even at
another mans expense, and have not
hat Ia
may be, to break into q chicken house.
There arc some traces that give us
faint clews. Not Henry, we do not
want him. For example, the opening
through which the first villain made his
entrance is very small. This indicates
u small man, and therefore we have our
detective eyes on Senator Dawes, CON-
monty known as the Artful Dodger. He
could go through that hole, as he has
wriggled through smaller holes with
ease and facility. The fact that Doctor
Chaffee was seen lurking In the neigh
borhood rather confirms this suspicion.
Where Doctor Chafree is seen Dodger
Dawes Is sure to be found In the same
locality, not far Off
Again, the Hon. Dodger Dawes has
sought to avoid detection for any
burglary he might commit by pretend
ing to be lame from the kick OF mule.
We all SEQ at once the absurdity Of this.
What mule could injure the Dodger ID.
by kicking himp Besides, the crazy
mule that made the attempt died after
ward from shock to his system. The
poor animal struck the Senator on the
cheek and Immediately fell insensible--
the mule, we moan-Dawes never was
sensible and Of course could not become
insensible. That is as good reasoning
rs any In tho late message.
Jones has warned us over and often
that we lived too near the Administers.
ton. But then tho Administration does
not drink champagne; and although
the dead silence that prevailed while
the drinking proceeded makes q strong
ciroumstantial fact, yet we freely acquft
the President Of any participation In
this transaction. There was not whisky
enough--.crooked or straight--to justify
the suspicion.
No, we suspect Dawes we have our
eyes on the Hon. Dodger. Let Dawes
beware.
We are forced to advertise the fact
that we are not in the lobby this winter.
We have lost our five bottles Of cham
payne, three Of our Rhine wine and
quarter john Of Downing whisky. Who
could expect to got through any great
scheme under such circumstances? No,
count us out.
In the meantime, IL any infatuated
adm1rcr would like TO present us with u
basket OF champagne, or box OF fine
cigars, or q few dozen Rhine wine, such
infatuated party may waken us up at
midnight and we shall not feel offended.