The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-06-30

dition of humanity.
The wise sayings Of these wise mon ar
carefully wrapped up by the book-binder
and handed down for the benefit of poster
ity.
We belong to the posterity, and have ex
perienced mere or less difficulty in trying t
| digest these hard-boiled maxims.
There is one cold saw :" in particular ou
of which we have tried to get some nour
ishment, but all in vain. We've parboile'
it and gridironed it, stewed it down ant
tackled it a la mode, but it has alway
| soured on our intellect and threatened OH
brains with dyspepsia. That saying i
| this
| " Sweet are the uses of adyerstY."
Now we do not covet any libel suits
neither do we care to have an investigating
committee, but we must confess, right here
that we have been excessively intimate will
the Adversely family. They have always
been near neighbors of ours, and familiar
enough to come in without knocking
What we've had was theirs, and we regret
to say that what they We had has been ours
But, with all the using, we never got any
thing very sweet from them. Our Adver
sites didn't seem to be the sweet kind
There never was enough saccharine
matter in the whole of them to sweeten a
saucer of tea; hence We say away with your
sugar-house nonsense about the fuses OF
adYersity." The man who can chew adj
versity and spit honey ought to be made
over into bee and kept at it.
When we left the front piazza of oul
childhood and walked out on the broad
highway of life, we had no dictionary with
us and could not have defined Adversity.
Our star of promise was covered with gold
leaf, and youthful hope kindled bonfire
which, for blaze and brilliancy, was sue
cess. We were called to the highly exalted
mission of cultivating another mans soil at
twenty dollars per month. A golden future
lay stretched out before us. Wealth and
good clothes, fame and clean shirts, honor
and breastpins, all these were before us
and they are before us yet. Our whole
life has been full of spasmodic endeavors
to obtain any or all of these coveted bless
ings: but Adversely has always kept
directly in front of lis and Honesty was
evorlastingly tagging close behind. Should
we die without founding college, erecting
q church, or building railroad, the worlds
disappointment will find an Offset in our
misery. Our aim at the outset was mil
lion, but we have reduced it down to six
hundred dollars a year and back pew in
church.
: z rEts9glillies have their peenliaEitias. Some
cannot exist without family prayers. 9th
ers, unacquainted with such means of grace,
rely more upon the grocery and meat mar
ket. Some families have bad teeth others
have bad tongues. Some mind their own
business, but this class is largely in the mi
nority. The popularity of the Adversely
family is their unity. They stick together
like generation of bedbugs, and feed upon
humanity. You do not hurt them with a
bottle of corrosive sublimate, as you do the
bugs, for they are most always hunting
you.
They visit our homes with grief by the ton,
And with manners uncouth and nncigil,
They tread on our joys, upset our fun,
And raise the very old--boy.
Adversity drops in upon the bronchial
tubed, conscientious student of theology,
takes away his partner in the nursery bust
ness. and leaves him with four small chill
dren, weak past to back him and re-
markably delicate looking future to front
him.
Adversely lays his hand upon the old
maids virgin brow, covers her face with
wrinkles, and leaves her with a bad breath,
and her anatomy punching holes through
her physiology.
Adversity takes the premature, unfeath-
cred, mutton-headed youth by the hand,
and assures him that the matrimonial state
is the only State outside Of New Jersey.
Adversity kindles little flame of love in
one mans bosom for another mans wife,
which bursts into volcano, erupts all over
society, and makes HIM a strange and terri
BILE crater.
Adversity puts the business man into
poverty's hopper and grinds fifty cents on
dollar out of him.
Adversity takes Horesty, thatpoor neg
IeetAd nursing, out of the cradle Of Liber-
ty and leaves it for political "dead-beats "
to rock in.
Among the common things of life are
matrimonial adyersities. When young
man gets old enough to smell Of patehouly
and sing in the choir, there is great danger
Of his being drawn into the vortex Of mat
limonial adversity. Some lily-fngered edi-
zion Of animated sweetness will paralyze
his common sense and make a love-sick,
poetry-writing idiot of him It is useless
to advise such youth, for he will treat
your hard-earned wisdom with contempt,
and suffer your advice to be crushed under
the cold, calloused heel of bare-footed ne
olect Oh! If there is ever a time when
our sympathy is wrung like an old mop, it
is when we see newlY-married youth
awaking to the dismal fact that the hum
dred and forty pounds Of meek and loWly
goodness he has married is one solid,
phalanx Of premeditated per-
versity.
Fellow Pilgrim. no matter how exalted
your position may be, Adyersity, like a
book k.agent, will be sure to find you. He
has an assessment on your lot in life and,
sooner or later, will be around for the tax.
Should he come single-hanlied, battle with
him earnestly. But should he unite forces
with your nother-in-law, and
both horns of the dilemma get after You at
once, there is nothing left for you but the
ipecac OF remorse. the squills Of despair,
md luge allopathic doses of the extracltof
bitterness.
Aayerslty with his giant list
Comes caiing all our ears. |
Fxas yie.as ansar earthly J0vs twist