Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1876-03-30
Aumuruns Repartment.
ssTHREE FINGERS.v

JONI, CdlleO 1lLtle MTS. ed[SOu dICeT
her husband, as he. left home in the morning,
"stop at French's and bring me three fingers
of that new moyenage lace, and spool of
white silk"
John braced himself up and repeated the
message: "Three-fngers-ofm millionage silk,
and spool of white lace )" then he saw a car
coming, and held up three fingers that he
might not forget the message while he hailed
the driver. As he took his seat he murmured,
"Three fingers of-morning papers, boy! i
millionage," and he subsided into the paper,
while he kept his fingers extended in the air.
An old lady who sat next to him saw his lips
move, and whispered to her daughter that
'there was another Moody convert"
sWhen the conductor came around, John
stared at him, and repeated, "Three fingers,
etc." butthe conductor took him by the collar,
and told him to pay his fare. At the office
the clerk asked him question about the
days business, but the only answer he could
get was "Three fingers Of invoices" When he
went to lunch, he rushed into the first restau-
rant and being past speech, could only hold up
three fingers, which the obliging young man
behind the counter at once proceeded to pour
out.
When Johns wife saw him next he was
hatless and coatless, sitting with vacant ex-
preston of countenance behind the bars Of a
cell, in the station house, and reporter had
Just commenced to write, Murderer Arres-
ted Talks of nothing else than the three fin
gers of his victim! Horrible disclosures ex-
pected !"
The little woman paid Johns fine, and took
him home, where he slept stupidity till the next
day, when he declared his coffee must have
been drugged. Mrs. John says it's just what
you might expect of mamie never has
sense enough to carry a dry goods message,
without losing his balance!
HE DIDN'T WANT THE SCRIPTIoN.-He
was an old man, and he had bit Of conduc-
tors pasteboard stuck in his hat. He walk
ed into the drug store, and inquired, "Have
you got any good whiskey?"
eyes, sir" replied the gentlemanly druggist.
Gimme half pint"
"Have you got doctors prescription p
"No."
Cant sell it then, sir. Jury in session !;
must be strict
"Where can get a doctor ?" sadly inquired
the aged inebriate.
"I'm physician, sir" winningly responded
the druggist.
Cant you give me that-what do you call
it, scription ?"
"Well, Iimight." And the doctor wrote
out prescription blank, calling for so many
ounces of spiritus trua,enti. He filled snug
looking bottle with the article, pasted label
on it, numbered to correspond with the paper,
and presenting the bottle to the venerable
roysterer, remarked, in the most business
like way imaginable, "a dollar and half,
sir"
"a dollar and halfw gasped the aston
ishel customer. "Ain't that pretty high,
mister ?"
ats our price-a dollar for the prescrip-
tion and fifty cents for the medicine"
eyes, WE'LL" slowly replied the wicked old
dufer, as he slowly buttoned up the half pint
in his oyercoat- pocket; 81 guess, boss, that
l don't want the 'scription. Here's your half
dollar" and he stuck his tongue in one side
of his mouth, winked ironically at him of the
mortar and pestle, and walked out. If you
ever have occasion to buy physic at that drug
store be sure you don't mention this story.
If you do, you die.
~A Massachusetts town of high repute,
quite a number of years ago, maintained a
high school, according to law. A teacher
was employed, at certain salary, by the
year. After a while his services were not
found satisfactory to the school committee,
and their chairman, smooth.spoken member
of the legal profession, was deputed to per-
form the ungracious task of informing the
master of the state of the case After the
settlement of preliminaries, the point was
reached, and the propriety of the masters
resignation was automatically and politely
suggested. The incumbent, if not qualified to
teach such a school, was shrewd Yam
kee. He expressed his willingness to leave
so readily that the committeeman became un-
commonly gracious at the success Of his mis-
sion. "But" said the worthy pedagogue, eff
my services are not satisfactory here, they
may be in some other place and, as I must
get my living, I presume you will give me
recommendation ?"
"Certainly," replied the committeeman,
thinking only of relieving his own town of an
inefficient instructor; and accordingly drew
up the paper on the spot.
The master read it, and found it highly
satisfactory. "And now" said he, glancing
keenly at his employer, "upon this recommen:
dation that I was so we'll fitted to teach, l
will thank you to pay me the rest Of my sala-
ry for the unexpired half year."
The lawyer was caught and the money
was paid.
A REMARKABLE SET.-Old Farmer Gruff
was one morning tugging away with all his
might and main at barrel of apples, which
he was endeavoring to get up the cellar stairs,
and calling at the top Of his lungs for one of
the boys to lend helping hand, but in vain.
When he had, after an infinite amount Of
sweating and putting, accomplished the task,
and lust when they were not needed, of course,
"Where have you been, and what have
you been about, I'd like to know, that you
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