Lincoln County advocate. (Canton, Dakota Territory, [S.D.]) 1876-1877, 1876-12-20
WITT,ICISMS.


WILD oats can be sown at any season
of the year. -.
The long-nosed man is unhappy be-
cause he cannot eat oysters from the
shell without fork. ,s-
A GLOVE dealer is doing q good BUSH
ness when large part OF his stock Is
on hand. -...--...
WHAT is that which flies high, flies
low, has 70 feet, yet wears shoes7
Dust.
A TEACHER tainted, the other morn
ing, and little girl, described it at
home, said, "She was SO tainted they
couldn't come her to.
In Key West they voted in panamas
and white duck suits: in Minnesota the
thermometer scored zero. What q
country What people!
SITTING BULL has no undershirt, but
he sits in his tent with an Ulster over
coat on, absorbs whisky, chews navy:
and with burnt stick and a piece OF
sheepskin draws out diagram for the
spring campaign. ...
TIE American, no matter what may
be his station, is determined to rise.
Tweed went away in o common schoon-
er and returns in great ship, the guest
of the greatest nation the sun e'er
scorched.
The clear, crisp, star-lit winter nights
are near at hand, when the love'smitten
country swain bitches his horse to the
sleigh and drives seventeen miles to get
his nose frozen, and discovers that his
girl has gone off to party with some
other fellow.
Two gallons of whisky were con-
summed by colored man before he fully
recovered from the bite of q tarantula.
1t was then discovered that he had been
stung by wasp. The men who con-.
tributed the whisky were too mad to
speak above whisper.
The "when I was at the Ceptenniap
man and woman are now beginning to
cast dark shade over life. 1t is inev-
table, however, and perhaps fortunate,
for it gives the weather a rest in ball
room gossip, and is topic within reach
Of all comprehensions.
A YOUNG New Yorker at q party
asked and received consent Of q young
lady to see her home. He waited in
establishment while the company slowly
departed, and finally limited that it was
time for them to 90. "Oh," said she,
demurely, am boarding here"
The course of true love runs very
rough indeed. Four years ago Nor
wich woman was married; the next
year she got divorced; the next year
after that she was married to another
man who was divorced from wife for
that purpose; this year she has applied
for divorce again.-Noravich Bulletin
A RELIGIOUS paper tells of a clergy
man who bears a grudge against New
Jersey because Jersey man for whom
he had performed the wedding cere-
mony asked, 'shall l pay now or when
come for the certifcate?' p The
modest minister said, 20, when you
come for the certificate" and the docu-
ment has never been called for.
SCENE IN IND1ANA.-A weary old man
sat on a foot bridge, recently, on North
Third street, with a large bundle of cod
fish in his lap, and he held large and
patient old COW by rope tied around
her horns. He was sober enough to
remark that it was the Eager" that
chained him to that bridge and would
not let him 60 to his home beyond the
river.-1erre Haute Erpress.
A MAN was found dead on the grave
of his wife in Calvary cemetery, San
Francisco, the other day, with bullet
hole in his forehead. Near the body
was found revolver and prayer
book, on the fly leaf of which was writ
ted, 1t is with me insanity or death,
and in my weak judgment I prefer the
latter. God help nay baby and forgive
me-"
"THIs," said the private secretary to
the railroad manager, sis letter five
pages long, from the editor of the Bung.
town Banner, asking for some statistics
and miscellaneous information concern
ing the road, which he desires to incor-
porate into an article soon to be pub
lished, that cannot fail to be of great
interest to his readers, and will possibly
be of value to the road. The circula-
ton of the Banner is" Skip that"
said the manager; "turn over to the
postscripts and see how far he wants
the pass for" "
"YoUR figures are higher than they
were year ago." said a country dealer
OF q wholesale merchant in talking
about the price OF some commodity for
which he was bargaining. "No," re-
piled the merchant, laying down the
newspaper and with far away vacant
expression in his eyes, "you must be
making a comparison now with the vote
OF 1875, which everybody should know
that the only fair comparison is with
the gubernatorial vote of 1874. Then
in the river counties the percentage of
gain was in direct ratio to the"
WHILE Tom Taylor's "Ticket-of-
Leave Man" was recently being per-
formed before crowded pit and gal
lery IN theatre in York, England, q
detective sergeant from London was
sitting among the audience with war
rant to apprehend the very man who
was playing the part of Hawkshaw, the
detective. The play wa. allowed to
proceed, and at its termination Hawk.
shaw was handcuffed and handed over
to the city police.
An Englishman was accosted thus
"What will you take to stand all night
in the tower of St. Paups?" "a beef
steak and pint of beer" was the frank
reply. The next one thus accosted was
a scotchman. Says Sandy, "Whatlly e
gie" Lastly came along Patrick, and
when asked what he would take to
stand all night in the tower of st.
Paups, he wittily answered, can sure
| n, I'd ho a ut fc, 70 Ia a ha aou.ld