Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-08-18
A Cockroach Story.

LOUISVILLE Commercial

his linen was far from immaculate
His face had not known the razor fol
any days, and there was that abou,
his HAIR and general makeup that
gave rise to a suspicion that he had
been sleeping out O. nights. His
eyes were bleared, and there was a
nervous twitching of his lips, and his
hand trembled visibly, still he spoke
cheerily and as familiarly as an old
friend.
Yes, he was a journalist. Had VIC
forgotten him? He used to know us
years ago, when he was on the old
Journal with that prince of editors,
George d. Prentice - George, he
called him. Strange that we could
not recall him, when he had been the
bosom friend Of Jack Harney, George
Prentice, Birney Marshall and others.
Yes, he was a journalist, and had been
on the Memphis papers, but the
weather was so mighty hot, and ii
looked like they were going to have
the yellow there, and he concluded
to light out for the North. He left a
right good place; but he had dozen
better ones in the North. He did
not know which one he would accept
Cincinnati was too slow, St. Louis
too hot and dull. Perhaps he would
honor Chicago. Just here we made
vigorous thrust at cockroach
which, from his size, might have been
tackling paste cups when our visitor
was out carousing nightly with
George and Jack Birncy.
The movement attracted the visit.
or's attention. He drew closer, and
in confidential tones said: "These
cockroachcs hgvc got sense like hui
man being. They make laws and
carry them out. They have sort of
republican government and the ma
jority rules. I'll tell you how / know
it: When l was on the old Buffalo
Couier-Charley Faxon was there
on the local-poor Charley, he's dead
now; and Girls you know Girls. He
was on the Eapress. He didn't drink
much then. Well, I had just got a
new paste-cup and brush, like you
have there, and made nice lot of
fresh paste. The cockroaches were
awful. The Office was old, you know,
and there were millions of 'em. l sat
the paste on my desk, and in less than
five minutes 100000 cockroaches
knew it. l had intended to put some
corrosive sublimate in it, but forgot
it. Then a thought struck me. l
wrote on piece of paper, "Beware!
every ounce Of this paste contains
twenty grains of corrosive sublimate, ~
and stuck it on the side of the cup.
Well, the cockroaches started for that
paste lively. One old fellow started
up the side and ran right into the no
tice. He stopped and read it, and
then gave the alarm. Some of them
had commenced stalking off claims,
but as soon as the old fellow told
them what was up, they all rushed up
to read the notice. They crowded
around it like people around a bulle-
tin board when battle has been
fought, or Presidential election is
going on. But you bet nary roach
tasted that paste then. Directly a lot
of the head devils got off in corner,
had a few words, and agreed to call
convention. They wanted that
paste, but the notice l stuck up scared
'em. They had no analytical chem
lst among them, and they couldn't
have the paste analyzed to find out if
it was really poisonous or not.
Cockroaches get educated. They
know all the games set up by men to
get rid of 'em. Well, they sent run
ners out and called the whole gang
together. They jawed awhile, and
finally an old fellow got up and made
a proposition that seemed to suit.
The proposition was, as afterward
found out, to select some one Of the
crowd to gorge himself on that paste
and see if it would kill him. If it
killed him, why, it would be a glori-
Gus thing for him because he had
died to save his fellow-countrymen,
and if it didn't kill him, they could
have a grand old feed without death
at the head of the banqueting table.
Well, they nominated candidates
Just like men do. Then the balloting
commenced. But l see you are
busy, and I'll make it short. They
then selected a candidate to analyze
that paste by eating all he could.
Well, he shook hands with all his
friends and marched up to the side
of the cup. l could see his legs
tremble as he went. lie tried to be
game, but when he got to the top all
the sand went out of his craw and he
started to run. Well, sir, what do
you think the other cockroaches did?
They just pounced on him and
marched him back and stood guard
over him till he filled himself chuck
full. Then they dragged him Oft
into q corner, and the committee ap-
pointed by the President stood guard
over him. Every little while they
would stir him up, feel his pulse and
look at his tongue. In about an hour
he got over his scare, and felt none
the worse for his feed and then they
called the convention to order, and
the committee reported that the no
tice was fraud put up by man, the
natural enemy of the cockroach.
Resolutions of thanks to the cock
roach who ate the paste were passed,
and then they adjourned to the
paste-cup ina body. killed waste
basket full of them, but it was of no
use. Before night they had polished
that paste-cup so you could see to
shave in it. Cockroaches have sound
sense, I tell you. You won't come
out and take drink, or cigar, or
something? I am sorry for that. BY
George! Il changed my vest at the
hotel this morning, and left all my
money in it. just loan me a quarter
till l come back. Yes, nickel will
get glass of beer, that will do till l
get up to the hotcl."-LouisviHe
Commercial.
Tho Mother OF Twins In n Quandry,
From the Sunday Citizen.
The mother of two sons, twins.
met one of the brothers in Il field one