The Portland daily press., 1876-09-20
FOR PRESIDENT,
FOR VICE PRESIDENT,
WILLIAM A. WHEELER,
OF NEW YORK,
The Hay Fever Arist0cracy.

The Hay Fever Aristocracy.
Mr.. Beecher in the interest of nosology has
uttered the dictum, "Hay Fever is very
high toned disease" Should men OF ultra Re-
publican principles fear las was feared from
the Society of Cincinnati in the early days of
the Republic) that upon foundation so laid
might arise an aristocracy, we can only ans
wer "what is to be will be-" Should such
fears be realized we see no reason that coat
of arms should not be appropriated by these
Very High Toners; since the term bazonry
in fact comes from the German blazen, to
blow trumpet. The arms might be nez
blatdnt-gucules; crest, fallen; supporters,
dexter, hope; sinister, philosophy. This
merely as suggestion. Furthermore curl
GUS literature would be gathered in estab-
ishing the antiquity of this noble order. Far
back in those dark times whence tradition
sends down her "items," we find it said by
the rabbins that no man sneezed and lived
until the time of Jacob. Through the twelve
tribes then this blessed privilege went out
into the world. Further on we find that the
custom of salutation or sternutation was in
stituted by Pope st. Gregory. The ancient
Tubervlle also gives high reference to this
expression in days primitive, when the was
omitted at the beginning of the word, leaving
it "neezing," as
"When neezing, those on Joue
FOR succOr seemste to crle."
Chaucer says, sand snezeth fast lin some
editions it is printed sniveleth); here are de-
cided ndications-sneezeth fast-of the II. F.
Pliny, evidently one of their order, intent
on securing to each member full table priv
ileges, says: If one chance to sneeze after re-
past the order is for to call for dish of meat
and trencher againe to be set upon the
board; and in case he tast not of somewhat
afterward, it is thought most fearful and
cursed presage on his behalfe.'' Plutarch
mentions the sneeze in connection with ma
val battles ''as sign of conquest" There
fore let each admiraPs feet be furnished with
at least one good sternator. Homer also is
upon the cheerful side:
Telemachus then sneezed aloud:
Constrained, his nostrl echoed through the crowd
The smiling Queen the happy omen blessed.
Little Cupid, being pressed into the service
brings happiness by well aimed sneeze, but
disaster by one that hits on the wrong side:
Now upon the left he flew,
And with sporting sneeze divine,
Gave to joy the sacred sign.
sporting sneeze divine" seems so to ex-
press the emotions of the members of the
FL. F.
But perhaps no witness is better entitled 10
respectful hearing upon this great theme
than the Summoned by Milton in Paradise
Regained-the Prince of Darkness-who,
seemingly regarding all great commissions of
lis the cosmos then an Fl. F.?) pronounces
them,
Harmless if not wholesome as a sneeze
To mans less universe.
He evidently did not sneeze "sportingly" or
''divinely'' like Cupid, but very hard like any
of us.
Let us not overlook in this connection the
words of Bacon, which also may throw side
light upon that peculiar atmospheric appear
ance known to the common mind by the term
"the sun drawing water.' The philosopher
discoursing on the effect of the sun in pro-
ducing the sneeze, says-''it draws down the
moisture of the brain, and the drawing of
moisture to the eyes doth draw it to the nos
thrills, by motion of consent; and so follow
eth sneezng." When the sun draws water
in the sky might that not eventuate in the
sneeZe of the universe as referred to by the
prince aforementioned. And may there not
be in those high-toned inteects, who are the
only subjects of this disease, some inner spir-
itual sneeze caused by influx of light, and of
which the outward sneeze aud sun are but
faint types? If so was not Goethe's death
cry, '.more light" the cause of some vast
sneeze which unshackled that mountainous
Me from its earthly moorings? Curious, as
| to throwing light upon his descent from the
twelve tribes, would be the question if this
last sneeze was also his first. So grand tt
tan might sneeze but on ce and yet be an
Fl. F.
Having now secured upon this great sub
| iect the testimony of the Rabbins, of the
Pope, the Philosopher, the Poets, Cupid, and
| the chief founder of the order, the P. of D.,
what needs prevent the II. FPS from organ
izing at once on permanent foundation with
chartered rights and immunities.
THE Washington correspondent of the
Boston Journal has been looking over the
Treasury books and finds Lieut.. Gov. Dor
sheimer's record a little inconsistent with his
recent high pretension TO virtue. It is
charged that Mr.. Dorsheimer when U. S.
District Attorney of New York charged extrav-
agant mileage fees. There is one account
presented by Dorsheimer in 1867, in which he
charges the Government mileage for an as
sistant, George W. Miller, for thirty-nine
trips from Buffalo to Rochester and return
13S miles, ten cents mile aggregatng $507.
20. The examinations which were attended
by this assistant were all held in Rochester
The assistant resided in Rochester, and
would scarcely have travelled from Buffalo tc
Rochester for the purpose mentioned. The
United States District Judge was so struck
by the monstrous character of this bill, pre-
sented by Mr.. Dorsheimer, that the Judge
indolsed upon the bill a statement that hi
had examined the bill, in compliance witt
the law,and could only say that he had ''noth
ing to say except that George W. Miller 1.-THE
assistant) resided at Rochester" Upon thi,
showing the mileage charge, amounting tC