, 1876-04-11

Rochessor DcDlocrdt:' a Clergyman 1t In
Crosse waa eloctad foreman Of fire company;
but he couldn't command tho necessary Ian
guage, and had to resign.
Yonkera Gazette Quo 1ittle girl when aako;l
by hor mother what pleasure she was willing to
givo up durlpg Lcnt, answered: "Goiu. to
SCHOOL"
A Connecticut grocer died tho other day, but
before lo closed Ills oyeH ho admitted to having
pair OF scalcR Weighing i,ftcen ounces to tbs
pound. llo didn't want his soul weighed Oh
them,
Eldorfy agrlculturist to ulicket-holdar in
tue traIn "iou don't lave no t.cxot !" mo,
trAvol on my good loohsl" "1hsn.," after
very fart" Qoncrnl smilo.
This eminen.ly Catholic joke Is from tho Irish
citizfm: "Oen. Sherman. II Is lntltnatcd, will
| go to Europe next year, wIlero he oontempatcB
yiait to tho Pope. That will be shernau'a q
second march to tho $780,"
"Aro you Christian ?" asked ono Of Mr..
| h1oodv'a aaaistsnts as al inqniry-mcetng, Of u
HeAt. mo" h0 answered, sadly, "Im q
plumber" 1t WAS hopeless caao.
| Eacrilcge-partsh Clerks Vito: "Lct you
| lnto the church to draw intoror2 d1.stnt do
Il, Miss Thole Was party thore last year, and
| do you know they loft q 'orril Dissentln' trnc'
In the rector's powl Ever since that its nsainbt
| orders,-funch.
In England they tell how San4ey walked up
to q grcnaaor, nnd, tnkug him afrectlouate]y by
The bait, said :Yonng man: I likewise am q
aoldier-a soldier Of 1loavcn." - Old 'un," re-
turnod tho granndter, "you'rc long way from
your barracks, anyhow"
Lady-"Nov, Mr. Snapper. as I SAW you At
church last Sunday, toll me what you think OF
our new preacher 7" 6nnpper.-"I think lie
you'd bo d hrat-class martyr at tho stake"
LHly.-"Why 40. Alr, snsppcr7" snapEet-
Why tho English should bo continually hing
Ing 'sdod Hhve the Queen ia more than =
reasonable man can conjecture. II IL al~ays
advisable to aaye tho jack but tho uueen only
counts TWO for game, ana Is always good card
to throw away.
Aboy WAS asked which was tho greatest evil.
feelings," ho aald. "lssghh my dear child, y
to hurt tic feelingui" "Dccauso You N can't t.e =
rag around thoni," exclaimed tho child.
AT q Restaurant in Manchester. England, some
ahreWd prantlco hns just Gomez to light, Tie
meats Of Dutch oystars IN native sholls and soil
thom as natives. This in evidently tho mSn
spoAen OF In old tmoa as tho oystc1man reap.
Ing whero he had not aowed."
A young mlulster, eomcwhat distinguished for
seli-concelt, having tsiled aaastrously before =
l E4VWACA A0QtEtEQl Wan t4AD &A0Ac1apA " AZ
aged brother. "If you hah gono Into thai
pulpit foeling as you do On coming cut Of that
pulpit, you would hayo felt OH coming out ol
lhas pulpit as you did whun you won't into thai
pulpit"
Charles Dudley Warner w1itos to the San
Frsncisco Chronicle that tho Twelve Apostles
wno mako their appearance out Of She btras
burg Cathedral clock arc strange lot. Ihel
como out QUO by one pass up to their Lord, aud
give queer little hitcll. aa Il thoy wuEe obliged
10 acknowledge His superiority. but didn't rel
ish 1t very much.
| Norwich Dultetin. They ara not naturally 4
suspicious people on Block Island, bus whom .
lecturer ssojs there and tells shern TINT be sskt
for no reward in The pAitry gauds Of lhia world,
but merely for tho approval OF bis cobactencs
aud fellow-msn, thev usually 20 out aud loci
up their chlokens. They say they've been foo'
e1 that way too often.
Tho Eocent shower Of asah In Bath County
Ky, has provoked quito religious rev,ya
su,onR tho colored population thsEo, They eoa
themselves about 10 litslo groups, with thoi,
faces turned upward, - II iAe heavens Net.
. fun OF mutton-chops, aud aings
IL t.Kun set ysfe, hungry nggaht
Kun Aet yers on do grouuI,
10 Lawd Ii ALI Rwtns
i TO froW d. vtttsll loNp.e
. --st 1sas& Gt4bsalesaassast