The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1876-02-03
WONDERFUL.

sis shows up one of tue most powerful
solutions of epson salts ever before dis
| covered. The consequences are that
this big Bonanza of Sulphate of Magne
| STA has turned Il number OF little heads
who now run wild with all sorts of air.
castle machinery whose buzz must fill
neighboring communities with secret
fears and direful misgivings. There is
now pending before our Legislature o
bill to amend the charter of New Sodom
so that the whole city can be immersed
in this .stlline solution, and we hope to
goodness it won't pass. We are quite
positive there are still few Inhabitants
| left in that city entitled to life, lib
erty and the pursuit Of happiness and
III their behalf we appeal to the human
ity of our legislature to protect them in
their rights. If all is true we have heard
of these waters, and our legislature crys-
tallize the proposed amendment into a
| law, we venture to suggest that IN SIX
days after the completion Of the water
| Z
enough left, in that unfortunate city, to
plug up the vent of its wonderful well.
A whole community Of prosperous citi
zens will be reduced to gibbering phan-
| toms and wandering shadows. Oh, for
sooth Stay the hand Of destruction.
| We have heard much about wonderful
waters, but this knocks every drop into a
| cooked hat. To give our readers an idea
| of what it can do under favorable cir
cumstances we must relate q story as true
as gospel: Fond du Lac is happy iii
the proprietorship of magnetic spring.
| Not long since & Granger came to that
city, and having heard considerable
| about the magnetic power of its waters,
thought he would try ii. MOI liking the
| meddlesome middleman he proceeded
| directly to the fountain, and at its source
drank his fill gratuitously. He preceived
no observation-disclosures in it from 9th
er water, and unwiseiy came to the con-
| clusion that it was too thin for internal
use, and marveled at the stupidity of
| people who made great fuss about
its medical properties. He couldn't see
it. On his way home lie stepped in at
blacksmith's, and while conversing
| with the boss of the shop, sat down on
| an anvil to rest. After the lapse of half
| an hour OF SO, he attempted to rise and
pursue his homeward journey, when to
| ~ I,
| himself hopelessly welded to his seat.
| The combined strength of four black
| smiths could not move him a peg. Cold
| chiseis, of course, were inadmisible, and
| SO word was sent TO a doctor to take him
away from the anvil. While the appren~
| tice-boy was out in quest OF Sawbones,
| The unfortunate man, more dead than
| alive, asked for a drink of water. There
was none handy, so the boss blacksmith
reached for a damIJohn of SheDoygan's
simon pure, just brought UP by friend
| on the afternoon train. Filling a tin
| cup he passed it to his patient telling
| him to drink and be OF good cheer; the
doctor would be around shortly. No
| sooner had the man emptied the mug to
its dregs, when another catastrophe
spread terror and dismay into the SYM
pathizing crowd surrounding him. Like
veritable Promethers he began to
writhe and groan, and finally collapsed
into series of contortions terrible to
look upon With a whoop that would
have been creditable to Comanche
warrior, he made one bound (anvil and
alb into the air, and there, thank Heav-
en-, was relieved of his circumference.
While saving about among the rafters
with his legs, the anvil dropped, closely
| followed by the unfortunateGrange who
bolted out of the door just in time to
send the medicine man, who had arriv-
ed, SPRAYING into the gutter. The time
thatGranger made for the solitude of his
peaceful abode in the country is said to
have been equal to anything put on re-
cord by Goldsmith Maid. No doubt he
is thoroughly convinced of the medicin-
al properties of both springs, but would
| it be humane, christian, or creditahle to
great state, such as ours, to permit
whole city's unsuspecting, innocent in
habitants to be dragged by so powerful
an agent That's what we want to know,
and fearing what may follow, solemnly
protest the passage of the bill.
s-
GIVE AND TANE.-Detained by bust