The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-07-08
VARIETY.


piano affords a young lady chance to show
her lingering and her fnger-ring
They say the Empress of India disIikes to be
seen wearing spectacles in public.
\ franklin (Pa.) girl says she would rather
be dozen widows than one old maid.
Greenbacks may come to pa, but the rest Of
the family will take them from him.
When widow with children marries she be-
comes a pa-taker at the wedding-feast..
New Orleans writer says that the telegraphic
art has reached such perfection that long court
ships have been maintained between persons hun
dreds Of miles apart and some loyesick telegraph
ist has invented telegraphic sign for loves first
sweet kiss.
DR.. Cumming the distinguished Millenarian
divine Of London, has discovered that before Sep
tember, 1876, the sure word of prophecy will be
fulflled-the Euphrates will dry up, the Jews
will go back TO Zion, and the heavens and earth
will be removed.
IL is not an unusual thing, nowadays, for
pedestrians in Kentucky, where meat showers
occur, to witness wild.eyed men gestIculating
skyward and yelling: 50 No more cOrned beef
Send down some quail on toast"
Fifteen thousand dollars in gold will now buy
American lady decent outfit to be married
in, and there's talking about prices going
any lower.
Some body asked young lady the other even
ing if she didn't think the serial literature OF the
country was ut its best just now. She said she
did, decidedly; there were the lOyeliest patterns
~ -Hargsr's Bd.dr she had ever seen.
A Kansas paper speaks OF an astonishing lady
living near Leavenworth who has been divorced
once, married three times and now cares for Il
mixed family of thirteen children, none Of which
are her own
Well, doctOr,' inquired an anxious Troy
husband, a and what do you think is the matter
with my wife 80 80 Oh, nothing serious; possibly
a little humor Of the blood :" No that can't
be, DOCTOR that can't be; she's been out of humOr
for ten days past"
An old man fell asleep in New Hampshire
church n recent Sunday afternoon, and his
nose got wedged into a book-rack so that he
couldn't get it out. After he had thrashed about
and snorted n good deal, the sexton released him
by splitting open the rack.
a Judge in Monmouth county, \. D., once eau
toned an old negro who had been acquitted not
10 be found in bad company again. Much blige
10 you, Marsa,' he replied, Il allus spect you
advice but de fact am Marsa, dat good company
and bad company look much alike dat dis mig
gah can't tell the difference until he giS right in
EN- -
Some people seem to he extremely sensitive.
At one Of the churches on Sunday the minister
read the prayer for person in deep aiiction. and
n man who had just been married got up and
went out. He said he didn't want public sym
pathy obtruded on him in that way. NoririfCh |
Bulletin.
The editor of a country paper wrote one even |
ing IS To-day is the anniversary of the death of
Louis Philippe" When the printers proof came |
ND the name read 80 Sam Philips" The editor /
wrote on the margin "who the deuce is Sam |
Philips?'' Next morning the article read: 90 To- |
II =, ,.FS
lips. Who the deuce is Sam Phillips?"
The advocates OF phonetic spelling have singu-
larly neglected 30 avail themselves of every pub
lie writer's weariness over the words - Centen-
niaI Exhibition - as a plea with which to get
their theories INTO favor. Every newspaper writ
er on the continent would look with favor upon
-Sproposition to write - Cenl0yl,' or ''CenXyl'
= Noe. WI or any other abbreyation form of the
rord (which must be used many times in every
,ewspaRer-
Man isNthe only animal that blows his nose.
rhe alligator mas a nose two feet long, but he
ever bIoyss it. The elephant can reach over his
lose and tickle his hind legs, and he often does;
1ut he never wipes it. The blue-nose baboOn has
eerulean probOscis of which the noblest animal
night be proud, but it goes unblown. The
Iouble-nose pointer has an immense capacity for
,lowIng, but he never will; and the oyster, whose
lose reaches clean round his back, reirains from
.xercising 1T. Man alone has reached TO point
II a handkerchief, and he proudly waves his
,anner us a sufficient evidence of superiority.
When Mr.. Webster visited England, after he
,ad attained fame enough to precede him, an
English gentleman took him one day to see Lord
Brougham That eminent Briton received our
Daniel with such GOODNESS that he was glad to get
,way and back to his rooms The friend who
,ad taken him at once returned 10 Lord BrOugh
,am in haste and anger:
Ny lord, how could you behave with such
,nseemly rudeness and discourtesy to so great
awyer and statesman? It was insulting TO him,
nd has filed me with modification -
Why, what on earth have done, and whom =
ave [ been rude to p
a. To Daniel Webster, Of the Senate of the
United States ~
Great Jupiter. what blunderi | thought
{ was that fellow Webster who made n dictionary
nd nearly ruined the English language
Then the great Chancellor quickly hunted up
he American Senator, and having other tastes in
omrnon besides law and politics, they made q
oval night Of It.-Harper's Magazine Jor June.