The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1876-11-28

These two adventures cured him OF his
carelessness.
Bob was bachelor for many years,
not that he was unable TO support that
costly article OF domestic furniture, a
wife, for he always had money laid up
for a rainy day and il never rained
with him, but he didn't incline that
way. The singular event which led
him TO change his mode Of life occur
red one New Years day. He was in
Hillsdale, and as he stood on the street
watching the happy pater famil@ car
rying home their corpulent turkeys,
sense OF loneliness and feeling of en-
| Wy Suddenly came over him. Why
couldn't he have turkey and wife to
cook it? He became so gloomy finally
that he resorted to an expedient TO dis
pei his gloom seldom adopted by him,
and went on ''tear." And he had his
turkey too. not baked aud set out on
the table for him. to carve aud grease
his coat sleeves on, but served up in a
far different manner.
He bought one of the largest COB
blers in the market, and, hiring one of
the best livery rigs in town, tied the
turkey to the cutter and drove madly
through town, the fowl eragging on
the grotnd. As he tore through the
streets at break-neck speed, that de-
ceased turkey would hop and Jump and
flop around as il possessed of life and
the devil. Aud when the cutter swept
around corner, and the turkey struck
the curb-stone, it would give one
mighty spring into the air, scattering
feathers aud blood premiscu0usly. No
one enjoyed his turkey more than Bob
did that day. and his suggested satire
on the domestic fowl, made him famous
and his sad state of bachelordom so
excited the pity OF the manageable
maidens that before many more New
Years days had passed away, Bob was
running on the broad guage route OF
matrimony, with its tics 80 tender and
its track so smooth, coupled to one of
the finest women in Michigan, and one
who could cook turkey to the highest
state of perfection.
Bob did not go TO war. He could
not leave the old Hell Kart" he said.
She was getting old and shaky, aud in
her old age was inclined at times to
blow him up. But he did some active
service at home, and entered into the
cause of the Union with all his heart
and muscle. When the roll OF those
who have worked hardest to support
this glorious Union is called, Bob's
name will be one of those which head
the list, for he has knocked down all
the copperheads between Toledo and
Elkhart. aud some from foreign locali-
ties. Their testimony as TO his muscu-
lar ability is TO the effect that che hits
like spile driver" When the news
of Lincoln's assassination came the
"Hellkart" lay at Hudson. Bob was
coming up town from the depot, when
farmer named Champion, n noted
copperhead, whose wagon stood by the
sidewalk, exclaimed, "I'm glad that
old Lincoln's dead" In another in
slant he was sprawling under his wag-
on with one of his eyes closed for re-
pairs, while Bob stood at the side OF the
wagon urgently requesting him to
come out from under il and repeat
those sentiments.
Champion was wealthy farmer aud
soon had n warrant for Bob's arrest,
| but, bless you, by the time the consta-
BILE got around with his warrant, the
"HellkaIt" was kicking up the dust
half way between Hudson and Chicago.
When the writer, then one OF those
poor, threadbare college students, first
met this knight OF the foot board, the
/ introduction was OF so thrilling chsr-
acter, and withal so characteristic OF
/ the eccentric Boo, that the circum-
stance will bear relating. Bob, with
several OF the boys was on "bust" at
Hillsdale. As they wended their way
to whisky shop on Main street they
encountered the student aforesaid.
He was arrayed in the short sleeved
coat, the threadbare pantaloons, the
immaculate necktie, and the slick plug
hat, which those OF the book larnin
craft are always arrayed in. Bob saw
at a glance an opportunity for fun, and
stepping up to the student took him
affectionately by the hand aud exclaim-
ed, "My son how air you; come in and
have n drink" The green student,
used 10 nothing stronger than board
ing house butter, turned away in hor-
ror, when the muscular Robert seized
him 10y the collar, and with grip like
vice, hsuled him into the saloon.
"What will you have" demanded he
grufily of the terrified, squirming book
worm. "a glass of wine," answered
he meekly. "No, tou won't" said he,
as he turned ont full tumbler of for
ty rod and handed it to the student.
Had a torch-light procession gone
down that students throat IL would
have been cool luxury compared to
the strangulation which that fiery Ii
quid produced. But as il il were not
enough that he should suffer martyr
dom in person, the villainous Bob add
ed new terrors to the scene by infict-
ing martyrdom OF pocket. "Now,
young man, IL is your turn TO treat,
said he. There were twelve Of them
aud 10 the poor student il meant bank
ruptcy-to be obliged to pay Tor drinks
for that crowd. Name your poison, F"
said Bob TO his cronies and they did
so. Yea more, they took poison four
times and topped Off with a four dol
lar bottle OF champagne and every
time they drank they made the student
drink aud foot the bill also. The next
morning. when the student was so far
revived from the effects of his colossal
drunk as to he able To hold an inter
view with the faculty at the earnest re-
quest Of that body, they learned the
awful wickedness of the ungodly Bob
and warned the lambs OF their flock 10
avoid the vile wolf in the future.
At length Bob left the railroad and
bo1ght farm near Coldwater, Mich.
But his experiences as an agriculturist
were very brief. In attempting TO
make extra time with his team they be-
came unmanagable and ran away, col.
} liding with n stump and inaictng sc.
rions damage on him. Ii was the first
accident he had ever passed through,
and 10 have a little team mash him uI
SO completely when he had drove his
iron hoss, the "Hellkart." so many
! years without getting scratch, wa:
! highly aggrayating. When he attempt
ed 10 pillow, that instrument Invariably
, ran off the track aud the old E.kharl
} missed him and pined for him so con
, tinually that he finally left his planta
ton and climbed back on the foot
: board Of his beloved engine, where Ia
J will stay till the great Master Me
chanic calls him up TO pay him of
Last winter rumor went along thu
2 iron trail over which Robert wanders
D that lie had experienced religion. Blu
, the startling rumor proved to be no
E true. "No, didn't switch of ont,
e the narrow gauge track 10 heaven,
Q said Bob, when questioned about il
: "Religion aud and railroading dou'
: go we'll together. But II was n clos,
/. call for me. My fireman got IL, an,
I everytime We stopped 10 take on waite
L.. A