Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-07-12

HUHoR0UA
A ROMANCE OF THE SIGNAL SKRvICE.-i.
1 heard a couple Of days ago hitherto
romance connected with .
the life of one Of the most prominent 9
officials of the Signal Service Bureau.
He was, my informant states, once en-
gagged to be married to lovely, charm :
ing and wealthy girl. The eve of the 3
had dawned-if an eve can =
they were occupying the :
same rocking-chair and talking as in \
anely as only lovers can talk, when the II
fair one said: "Albert, duckey, there (
Is one thing wish you to do when we u
are married." "Name it, lOvey," he q
replied, making her feel that her corsets
were a mile too large for her. "That y
Is, petty, to have no rain on Mondays, 8
because, you know, darling, that Mon
day is washing day, and If the things {
are not washed and dried then the Z
weeks work Is so fearfully put back.
You will, wont you, my Ownyf" Ihis o
young mans heart was torn, but he re- .
plicu. uduu, uCdlCSt, III uuty W NY L
country demands imperatively y
that 1 shall whoOp her up the precise =
sort of weather that heaven will prOba-
bly, send impartially during the next
hours upon the just and I.
the unjust, without regard to age, sex =
or previous condition of servitude. II =
an area of barometric disturbance exists =
in the Middle States on Monday, how
can l consistently with my duty declare n
that the probabilities favor clear weather y
with light winds from the southeast!
No, angel; ask me anything but that. a
l could not love thee, dear, so darn 4
much, loved not honor more" "Then r
you do not love me-" she sObbed, burst Q
ing into tears. The reader will readily u
how they progressed to a y
quarrel and parted enemies. She re- I
turned his presents, and is now lectur-
ing on Woman's Rights, and he Is j,
confirmed misogynist and sits up all p
Sunday night at the Signal Service n
office, with fiendish glee making out n
bulletins for Monday announcing fall
ing barometers, atmospheric disturb q
ances, heavy rains, showery weather, n
and so on.
HIS DIaNITY.-A ragged and uncouth q
aims asker, says the Free Press, was
begging of pedestrians on Michigan !.
avenue yesterday, when policeman
asked him why he didn't go to the =
81 go to the poor house" exclaimed '
the old man.
.'why, yes. 1t would be much better
than begging"
"You keep away from me, sir" l
growled the vagrant. "a man who I
will deliberately advise me to degrade l
my character, and stain my honor, is an =
unsafe officer, and l will have you
broken, sir"
"WohAN," said the fat man on the 4
cracker barrel, reflectively, ''woman Is q
like boil. When anoth .r man has her h
we laugh at him; when we have her
ourself we cherish and protect her." G
He seemed to be man of pure and lofty {
and when he said he guessed {
he'd go home and give his wife chance y
to do the chores, everybody respected 7
Bulletin. b
He WAS timid fellow, but fond of b
borrowing John Phenix's jokes; so .
when she asked him how he felt, he q
averaged himself according to the 8
Phoenix plan of being very definite. and |. .
said he felt about SS per cent" In /.
Decd" she said, with demure look,
''are you never going to par?" She !,
got in her work that evening.-Cincin- !,
natl Commercial.
"WHAT would be your notion of alb i.
sent -mindedness 2" asked Rufus Choate 8
Of a witness whom he was cross-examin- n
ing. "Well," said the witness, with S
strong Yankee accent, 81 should say v
that man who thought he'd left his I
watch to hum, and took it out'ns pocket 3
to see if he'd time to go hum and git it, +
was leetle absent-minded." p
FOND mother ito old gentleman to
whom her son is apprenticed) 81 am 1.
sorry to say sir, that Harry won't be
able to come to work for some little 7
brain fever" Old gentleman-''Then
boy hasn't got any more brains than n
than donkey, ma'am."
Mrs. DPPER Ito Jonesey, who is .
deeply in arrears for bOard)-"Mr. a
Jones, won't you step into the parlor Q
for moment? l wish to speak with v
you." Jonesey-"Really, Mrs. Dipper, 8
| should like to accommodate you, but e
what will the boarders say at seeing us b
alone? Oh, no, excuse me-"
A YOUNG GENTLEMAN coming from a I
wine dinner, yesterday, was asked by 8
lady; So, why, MI, y, what makes
ries," he replied, "nothin', 'shure you, a
but str(hic) berries. Nice vegetables,
str'b'ries, ah! fine bird !''-Cincinnati &
Times.
The following was the reply to the C
question, "Which of the two popular
London preachers do you like best?" i
naming them. 81 like to hear Mr. e
preach best, because 1 don't like any '
preaching, and he comes nearest to
nothing of any that ever heard"
"MARIA," said the pious husband, :
''them wicked Smiths are allowing !
their children to play in the yard on =
Sunday. Tomorrow I'll sick the dog n
Oh their chickens. The judgment OF I
Heaven must be visited on 'em in some C
way" O
AT THE show the other evening gen. t
tleman sarcastically asked man stand {
ing up in front of him if he was aware d
that he was Opaque. The other denied
the allegation; he said he was not Q
Dpaque-his name was O'Brien. t
An INEBRIATE recently fell and struck
his nose against barber's pole. On
being raised from the ground, he asked: !,
whats zat woman wiz striped stock
Ings on got agin me?"
CEMETERY" is the name of a new
station on the Stoney Creek railroad. g
all "dead-heads" are expected to get a
off at this station.
The letter so" is called the most q
charitable of all the alphabet, because q
it is found Oftener than any other in 3
fsdOinU o. pnod ,,