The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-07-29
VARIETY.

g Society," says Sam Slick, f" is like barrel
Of pork-the middle good, but the top and
bottom little tainted
What is that which no man wants, and yet
which, if any man has, he would not part with
for untold wealth? I" bald head
Brooklyn bachelor mentions the fact that
the scratch OF female baby is always more
sudden and treacherous than that of male
baby.-BrOokiyDa Argus.
4 philosopher asserts that the reason why
ladies' teeth decay sooner than gentlemens is
because of the friction of the tongue and the
sweetness Of the lips.
A st. Louis woman says it is no worse to
encircle laGy's waist with your arm in a ball
room than to hug your friends sister the
back stairs. No worse? Why it is not as good
A Georgia lady wants q divorce on the ground
that her husband was drunk when she married
him. Ii he had been sober on that memorable
occasion the thing would never have happened.
Oh, my friends, what a temperance lesson is
here.
No FISH DIET.-The spirit of Henry Clay
lately made speech, through medium in New
Orleans. The nature of the speech we such as
to indicate the non-existenee Of a fish diet in
the spirit world.
MoRE APPRoPRATE.-New Mexico is to be ad-
mitted into the Union under the name of
50 Montezuma." A more appropriate name, con-
sidering the prevailing weakness of the inhabit-
ants, would be g Threecardmontezuma.'
story is told Of venerable negro in Iowa,
who was on trial for offense against the State.
When the case was announced in court, =" The
State of Iowa versus Sampson Cesar the aged
African exclaimed '' What de whole State of
Iowa agin dis chile, Den | surrenders.
Thirteen years ago man was driven out of
town for an offense which he did not commit.
News now comes that he settled in Chicago and
studied law and is now 4 prominent lawyer
there. Thus, we see how an unjust accusation
may blast and ruin mans whole career
NoTIcich Bulletin.
Too much meatal application has tendency to
distort the imagery of the brain. 1t is q sad
sight to see pale-faced student who has been
poring over volume of Darwin until the mid
night oil is almost burned out, suddenly close
the book and begin to paw around him ab-
stractedly in the expectation of laying hold of a
tail.
Little four year old playing with her dolls
" Now, you lay there, my dear, and you lay
there Mother" Why, Edie, you know that
ISN'T right; you should say lie.'' ''Oh. no,
mamma I'm playing they are chickens"
bright little three year old in Hartford CT,
having become u little mixed between her re-
ligious instruction and her nursery rhymes,
graVely recites; t The Lord is the shepherd, and
he lost his sheep, and don't know where to find
him.
1t would make Horace turn over in his grave
If he could hear the Iowa papers calling Miss
Clagett, of the KeOkuk Constitution, an editress
We presume these same papers look upon her as
a brilliant young journalist, and understand that
she will be her own business anageress, and
will hope that she will succeed equally well as
an editress and publisheress, and molderess of
public opinion, and predict that she will be
ieadress in local literary circles position which
her attainments as scholaress and ability as
writeress entitle her to take.
A circus company in this State owed an editor
n bill for advertising and refused to pay it.
Thereupon the editor called upon the Sheriff
who attached the Bengal tiger and brought him
around to the newspaper Office in his cage. He
was placed in the c0mpOsition-room, and during
the first two days he had not only consumed SIS
worth of beef, but he scratched So worth of
trousers from the leg of a local reporter who en-
deavored to stir him up with broom-handle to
make him roar On the third day the tiger
broke loose, and the entire force of eompositors
descended the staircase with ludicrous sudden
ness. The editor was alarmed to find his exit
through the composing room cut of, and that
the latch upon the sanctum door was broken. So
he climbed out of the window and sought safety
upon the roof. The paper was not issued for a
week, and after the tiger shot the
editor had to slide down the water spout, because
be was afraid te descend by the route which he
came.
Curiosities to be exhibited ut the Philadelphia
exhibition, according to the reliable man of the
Chicago Times:
The birch which the grandfather of his country
cut with which to 90 wallop'' the father Of the
came if he had not owned up;
The lie that Washington couldn't tell about
the cherry tree:
The entire garden which contained the cherry
tree, showing the stump of the tree;
Section of the Delaware river where it was
crossed by Washington
Hole from which Israel Putnam pulled the
wolf at POmfret;
Ear-trumpets used by General Braddock and
other guests at Braddock' s deaf-eat;
Demijohn containing some of the spirit of &c;
Horse which Paul Revere rode from Boston to
Lexington;
Chest of tea which was not thrown overheard