Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-01-05

HUIo10U2
PrRrryAcrY.-A Newspaper puo-
Usher being about to engage an adver,
tisement canvasser, thus interrogated
the applicant, who stated that ne had
never been in that line before. Now,
said the publisher, cit is most likely
that Won will meet with many rebuns
and short answers. What will you do
i'm that case?'' "Why, call again till
tbev become civil to me-" "Perhaps
Won will be denied admittance or access
10 the principals. What then?" "Why,
I should sit down on the doorstep till
they came out" perhaps you wouig
be put out at the front door" "Then !
should try to get in by side one;
ssMost likely, in such case, they would
threaten to call the police" "Ihen
should make myself scarce, and try 10
meet my gentleman on Sunday when ne
came out of church"
THE WRONG PLACE.-An old man
entered Detroit shirt store yesterday
to get himself pair of mittens. He
saw some chest-protectors there, and
after looking them over he said:
"Well, I'll be mashed if know what
these things are"
"They are capital things for the
winter" replied the clerk; "rhey are
chest-protectors." te.
"Put 'em on the chest?" asked the
old man.
'Yes, right over the lungs. / will
sell you one very cheap, if you want
it,"
'sNo, I guess not. My old woman
never strikes out from the shoulder,
but always hits down blow, and one
o. these things wouldn't be worth a
cent ,"-Free Press.
The doctors were just as polite and
gentle in those pioneer days as they are
now, and, catching the spirit of the
rapidly growing country, they felt that
time was the great desideratum. A
doctor living i'm Macomb county, when
called upon to set broken leg for a
laboring man, examined the limb and
said: "If set this limb, it will be five
or six months before you can walk. If
| saw it off and make you a wooden leg,
you'll be out splitting rails i'm less than
three months" The man declined the
generous offer, and the doctor sighed
drearily as he rolled down his shirt
sleeves.-DetrOh Free Press.
The assurance of the lightning-rod
man has always been looked upon as
something appalling in its dimensions.
1t was never better illustrated than the
other day when one of them applied to
the President of the South Side Rail-
way Company and wanted to put light
ning-rods in all his bob-tails. ''Light-
ning-rOds ON our cars? ?" asked tho latter.
'sWhy, certainly" What in thundera-
ton do we want 'em for 2" ''Because
they make such good conductors" re-
piled the imperturbable lightning-rod
man. 1t took him right where the back
bone leaves off.-BOstOR Globe. ,...
A DETROIT BOY surprised his father
the other day by asking: ;.-r
"Father, do you like mother?'
"Why, yes, of course"
''And she likes you?" l5a
''Of course she does" -..,...
"Did she ever say So"
"Many time, my son."
'Did she marry you because she loved
you?"
Certainly she did,"
The boy looked the old man over, and
after a long pause asked:
''Well, was she As near-sighted then
as she is nOw?"
To BE TAKEN Two WAYs.-s'How are
you getting on at your new place."
asked lady of a girl whom she had
recommended for situation.
every well, thank yOu," answered
the girl.
'rm glad to hear it, said the lady.
"Your employer is a very nice lady,
and you can not do too much for her"
''I don't mean to, ma'am,' was the
innocent reply.
WHEN dentist is buried he has filed
his last cavity Among the liabi!i-
ties of all firms should be put the liza
bility to fall When people write
open letters the public generally wishes
they would shut up The burning
of coffee plantations in Cuba will GER
tainly over,lo the business of coffee
roasting.-Ne,o Orleans Republican.
AN OIL dealer sold some winter oil
that was warranted to stand the severest
cold. Shortly afterward it froze stiff.
The purchaser went to the vendor with
loud complaints. 81 told you it would
stand the coolest weather." said he; 81
didn't tell you it would run. You see
that it stands perfectly still, and you
can't make it budge."
s'SHE never told her love-" That is,
she never told him that all the beautiful
golden hair she wore was false, and that
the pearly teeth he praised were of the
same deceptive character. But he dis
covered the fact soon after he married
her, and now his faith in the honesty
of the sex is considerably weakened.
A CASE came up for trial in French
court, and as the evidence was expected
to be of certain character, the Judge
intimated the fact, and requested the
decent women to withdraw. Not soul
moved. "Usher," said the Judge, ''now
that the decent women have all with
drawn, turn the rest out"
FATHER" said a lady of the new
school to her indulgent spouse, as he
resumed his pipe after supper one eve
ming "yOu must buy our dear GeOrgiana
an English grammar and spelling book.
She has gone through her French and
Latin, and now she must commence her
English studies"
A WHIMSICAL comparison being made
between clock and a woman, Charles
Fox said that he thought the simile
bad; ''for," said he, ''a clock serves to
point out the hours, and woman to
make us forget them"