Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-02-21

Josh Billings says He who falls from
the top round Of the ladder Of fame,
don't stop when be reaches the bottom,
but goes about ten feet into the ground
The President has no ear for music,
and the carelessness with which be used
to take Babeoek's flute to make the FIRE
with was 4 constant menace 70 their
friendship.-Br0okiyH argus.
The leap year neck tie for gentle
men is out. We have not seen It but
suspect it is young lady's sleeve, with
an arm in it, aud goes all the way round
the neck.
A subscriber to Southwestern news
paper died recently. leaving four years
subscription unpaid. The editor appear
ed at the grave and deposited in the eof-
in a palm leaf fan, linen coat, and a
thermometer.
When 4 nan detects missing button
after getting on a clean shirt. no one in
the house is aware Of the fact He takes
Of the shirt aud puts on another. quiet
ly all the while He never, never speaks
Of it to a sOul.-DtDgblgy NsIrS.
An Irishman was brought up before a
justice Of the peace on charge Of va
grancy, and was thus questioned: What
trade are you 2 Sure, now. your hon.
or. I'm q sailor You 4 sea faring
man? | questiOn.whether you have ev-
er been to sea in your life Sure now.
and does your honor think l came over
from Ireland in wagon 2
Young mau. if you should see your
girl gazing intently at your feet, don't
shift them about uneasily, or draw them
up and SIT upon them. under the impress
sion that she Is overwhelmed by their
immense size She Is only taking their
measure mentally. for a pair Of slippers,
on the toes Of which she intends to work
a blue dog with a green tail and scarlet
ears
At the Sabbath school in Deering, Me-,
a few Sundays since. one Of the teachers
Of q juvenile class was explaining TIE
necessity and duty Of prayer. She fin
ally asked one little girl if she knew
what was meant by prayer The child
replied that she did not The teacher
to illustrate. asked the little girl. What
did your father say this morning jus
before he ate his breakfastP The child
innOeently answered. He said. confounC
it. this egg rotten
One afternoon last summer when /;
resident Of Woodland Avenue, Detroit
saw a lawn mower at the gate Of an &C
quaintance who hadn't six spears o
grass around the house. and didn't owl
the house. anyway. be inquired in ton
Of surprise
Why. what do you want Of a lawn
moEer?'
Well. 1 don't exactly need it. wa
the reply, but the children can haul
around. and the man offered to trust N
for it.
The other morning man whose gra
locks we're proof Of sad experience hunt
ed around the City Hall Market until b
found farmer with cider for sale, an
be asked:
How much cider in one Of these bal
rels?
Forty gallons
How much water 2
Water
Yes, sir, how many gallons Of wate
did you put IN 2
Water IN cider 2
Yes. sir. did you put in FIVE gallons
See here said the farmer. do 20
want barrel Of cider ?
4 want barrel Of cider. SIR, but
want to know how much water I'm bu,
ing
You think you'd like barrel. eh ?
i think / would, SIR. but how mud
water did you put IN ?
Water
Yes. sir. water.
This cider is all spoken for, said 4
farmer, as he drew on his mIttenS ; b
TIl be in again tomorrow