The New York herald., 1876-12-09
HUMORO OF CREMATION.
Gleanlngs rom The CrematOry Field at
Washington, Pa.
DR. LIE MONIES CURIOUS VIEWS,
Letters from People Who Want
To Be Cremated.

Now that the cremation is over 1t is, perhaps only
fair ask whether the population OF Washington Pa
has been Impressed by the cremation OF the Baron
Won Palm have decided upon substituting crema-
ton for burial or .fnhumation, as the cremationsts
pompousy call IT, The tact that after the cremation
Coonel ocott went to work TO devise an arrangements
Of benches OF retorts by which tour or Ave persons
could be cremated at the same time would seem TO
Indicate that the crematory facilities Of Washington
were not equal to the demand. Colonel ocolt was
entirely successful, and tho return trip announced
that the multiplication OF the gas retorts could be
easily effected thus reducing the cost 10 81 90 apiece
What wonderful achievement. THINK OF it, reader;
only 81 90 to be crematedl Why, It beats Van Arm
hcm's MADE to order Tor 81 5o-ns the
cheapest thing When tho management o
the Third Avenue Railroad was attacked during
the rapid transit agitation, the president OF that pow
eriul corporation. Mr.. Hart was wont 10 say that
ride for i've cents about tho cheapest accom-
modatiop Of any description which the public In New
York received. But what IS 1--we cents tor ride
compared to 81 60 Tor = cremation? surely when the
price has como down low everybody who wants TO
be cremated should make haste to have the operation
performed at once by old james Wolf at Washington.
Pa
But who wants to DO crcmateds Certainly not the
good people 0. Washington ..wcil, STR" said old
beaten farmer the lobby OF the Valentine
House the day after the cremation "thers DO only
cremated. and that's old Dr. lie Moync
himseL"
..why. don't you want to be crsmateds" the writer
asked.
mot much. SIR" the countryman replied, with
broad grin; and he added emphaticaly, 'This crema
ton business may do we'll enough Tor old fellow like
this Baron and the old Doctor. who rotton 10 tho
anyhow, but do you suppose I'd like to friend
or relative burned ups No, sir. suppose you had
wife, child. or brother. would you like TO any
OF them crcmatedy"
The last query was put in tone OF wthernR scorn
which rendered all answer needless
Another OF the group OF rough looking countrymcn
took up tho thread OF conversation and said -"That
old Doctor an old brute, anyhow, and that's the
why he wants 10 burn only himself but all
his family why, just think OF man wanting 10 burn
up his daughters He has ave Of them, TWO Of them
unmarried and he's driven the crazy idea of wanting
70 DO burnt up into all their heads"
An ABoLirioxIsr.
oDd you notice that the old washes
himself :" third asked. "He's an aboi.ionist, and
always was"
The last speaker evidently under the impression
that an abolitionist meant with q strong
SION water. When his error explained to him
At which hts astonishment was great ndecd-he said
"wel The old man has never used any water, anyhow
since he has had any control over himself"
In the HERALD's first report from Washington only
alluslon made the extraordinary shirt by
the Doctor and the general Alihiuess Of his appear
char,tably suppressed. All men cannot be
clean alike, and crematlonist moro especially may
we'll regard himself being above such petty felblc
But as the peculiarity OF the old Doctor has been
rather broadly exposed in the reports OF city
wh tr0t ms now well be told
Dr. Lo Moyno, who IS proud to call himself shc father
OF cremation in this country, certainly looks as
though water had never been touched by him for
many years His face anc hands are as grimy. sooty
and smeary as those OF chimney sweep in Germany
The old wizard, with his enormous frame. his tOuzed
unkcmpt har his blackened face, long, white grizzly
beard, thin anu painfully sharp features and hollow
cheekA and with his wdc loose shirt, which
have been dragged through tho mire, his bagay,
ragged trousers aud gunboats Tor boots, when he
goes limp ng along looks IKE some fantastic wizard OF
the swamp, like the husband OF one OF tho
witches IA Macbeth. While he Is too feeble TO walk
he never speaks, but always shouts or rather roars
and evcry sentencUonds with loud sharp hiccup,
which takes the form OF quizxcal ''hehy" But
after this hiccupy 'hch'' the old man does not wait
for your reply, but goes on in his roaring voice TO
give you his views cremation. He ivcs IN murky
roomy old storehousc, which Is grim ard gaunt IKE
himself On side oil tho wide, bArc entrance IS. a
large parlor; tho other he mas kind OF private
apothecary shop OF his own. II was 10 the latter
bottcs that the poor Barons ashes wore exposed to
the view and touch Of every idle person In the house
There is large sofa IN the room. on which the Old
man recnes, wrapped IN an enormous dressing gown
which is iooscalmoss liko long, wide cloak and adds
TO his wizard-like appearance
NATIONAL DBBr
Yes SIR, SAID he, moving his lips AZ ne spoke In
an angular, abrupt, sharp way. Il regard cremation
as tho measure, no. only o. great scientific and san
In tombs, slabs, cofhns, lowers, &c. In the United
States large enough to pay the whole national debt
and tho interest iI--heh would be large enough
TO pay the interest on tho national debt-hen ,"
'sParton Tor asking such delicate question, but
Is true that you intended the use Of the crematory
for yourseiifn
.soi course did II was never meant 10 be apublic
thing a--hchf bulit Il ior my selthehs and Tor
my amily-hehs The urnace ny cost 81, ,6OU--hchy
Very cheap -chcap--hehs All paid Tor, too--hen ="
And tins tho old sigged and seemed very IN uch
pleased at the tact that the furnace was all paid
As he repu,cd 10 be very wealthy man II can be
easily understood that he could well afford to pay out
ST. 6V0 tor the pleasure OF beng crcmated IN has ur
mace.
TUE cnEAPSxss or CREMATION.
.You see. y Tie old man continued. "thc expense OF
bushels OF COKE al TOUR cents each, which is 81 60
hch ana the laoor OF two 1remen that's all-hehy
Why, the cheapest board coffin you could get would
cost Sc; anu you know that funerals arc goting more
expensive all the umc-hchf"
The writer suggested that II the idea OF somo crema
tions,s 10 place all the containing tho precious
dust OF the cremacd IN temples. carried out, the
process might sun provo expensive.
..wcl. they could only have the urn OF roId-hehY
Ur perhaps have IT adorned with diamonds-heh And
that wouldn't much OF these fashionable
funerals, would it--hehyi
The old Doctor cviueuty does not know tho prices OF
rinany's precious gems, or he would not lay
this aaterns JUNCTION to his soul.
The Doctor then dwelt at length upon the sanitary
aspects OF tho question, The pest breeding accumula
tols OF bodies In gravcyards. OF crowded cities sc.
but when he asked how cremation would work in
OF poisoning, when bodies have TO DC cxhumcd,
&c, hts not perfectly satisfactory.
FEw PoIsoyxGs DON'T MATTER.
''such cases," sad nc. "Sny occur once IN many
iarc mankind for the sake Of few cases like that
hehs The only remedy tnat see Is the French one