The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

II the grass grows in Janiyecr'
II will be worse for it all the year,
II Japjyccr kacnds be summary gay,
--Itce'S Grandmother.
"'rbc Leap.Ycar Nccktic,' for gentlemen say
tbe fashion papers, "has spring which, being
4onehcd. moves thickness OF SIX aside ana
.hou. a disc inscribed No" The ladies will
mt he discouraged by any such refusal as that,
which OILY comes from the throat
Scene after church, in the vcstibulc, young
man anxious to distinguish himself Miss
Phnby may | have the cxQui--" Not by a
(vaterlalD site" Young man: "Oh dldntmcan
,o.pjcht-ncXt summer sometime long toward
It'll of July. But cant sit on the fence and sec
Won 20 by She let him.
A man is peycr SO familiar with Satan As when
sitting Involuntary ON the sidewalk in pile
oF wet snow or mud.
Our foreman says he'll never smile or tell q
story again till he exchanges photographs win
"ihe beast who put that ink on the door KNOB
4 dishwashinG machine is the latest INVENTION
They will continue to haven't washers, wrihgers,
ironcrs, sewers and one thing and another I'LL
women will not be worth fifteen cents dozen.
n
when semc wrctchcd patcnt-risht man comes III
with patent this or that and then all peace IN
that family is busted. Oh, for ton Of nitroSlyc-
crime and 10000 patcnt-righi men. wed make
Rome howl. Yum
Why should the beehive be taken as symbol
oi industry? Not bee is to be seen all the
winter long, while our roach Is up at five o'clock
in the morning and never goes to bed TIL after
midnight,
tits q matter of every day occurrence to hear
or read Of a yonng man from our rural suburbs
ar from Holland or La Sale, blowing out the
aas before going to bed, but We never thought an
Old Ottawa bon ton youth would do such thing.
Yet last Thursday night he did do it, He went
ont of his Office and hunted for an hour and
half to find step ladder to get at the burner;
he tried his own wind on il but remarkable to
tay) failed: then lie went into the TRADER Office
and borrowed our professional bellows which
did the business. Then he fell of the steps,
skinned his knees and burnt his fingers on the
stove, fell over and smashed five chairs, wiped
The aoor with three or four spitoons, stood TN
his head on the back stairs, and was finally
picked up by the walchman at 4 O'Clock in the
planned it ali by saying - or > men pitched onto
him that night with clubs and stones and rob
bed him--oi that diapidatcd tooth brush and
lead quarter found il the alley next morning, We
suppose.
Men OF genius, says Samuel Smiles, care al
ways getting into debt" but, alas, every luan
who doesn't pay his board.bill Isn't a genius
he's more often deceased vegetable.
10 depends entirely on who says it, We know
how the men say it, and here is IL good old lady's
version: Looking AT a drunken man: well
that's awful. It's bad enough for Il woman to
drink but its hellcndamnation for man to get
drunk.
Our senior says that il "thc boys" 'smugglc
NJ any more Jokes on hm there will be de
laand for tramp printers in this ncighborhood.
The free lunch has come to bc leading fea.
ture Of the modern beer saloon and all our sa-
ICONS have them. y saloon over the canal had
one one day this week The boss sent around
10 the BOYS aud told them he was goias 10 have
biz onc-lried chicken, bologna, fried liver,
cheese, pickles, crackers, Saratoga chips, may be
fried oyster or two after glass Of Port as at
Nackin's--al the boss things he ever heard fof
lie did have 'cm. lie called n--his family and set
down and had his first square meal for a month.
Then he told the boys who came in few min.
atcs after that they Ought to have been around
had big lunch, but some loafcrs ate it all up"
We've had it, We mean "iruf. Morton's Grand
Centennial Carnival Of Crcsus The most re-
lamkabei The most wonderful. The entire
world chalcngedm-to produce fraud Of It's
ku1 Rpy Ia,
here, too But there's no denying 1.-THE Prof
AIS liberal cuss. He went all around to the
schools and presented the children with tickets
they are not good in Sunday Schools,) to the
.how-'this, with fifteen cents" &c, and beau.
tlfu! chrome with g(u)iltframc thrown in. just
ihink Of the splcndors. To be sure, none were
eYaricious but a,l went to sec the show, lust to
Try their luck All drew pctNcs-on brown
yaper with frame embossed with gilt worth
lust 5 cents hundred, and 80 thrown in If the
auyer grUmblcs. We would like to give the par
;ieulNrs OF this show but nobody was thcrc--at
cast, no one will say he was.
The boys at Hulls think they ought to have
"loca on the way they put in those or /;
IONS u carpets. Of course they had. Any crowd
who could smash in the frort windows OF two
stores, break the sash and all the glass of the
windows up stairs. rub all the skin of their
hands, and quote scripture ito thcmselvcs) the
way they did, ought TO have big local. They'd
have saved lots Of time and labor however, by
putting a sheet or two Of tissue paper under
Herby's feet, and making him hand them in al
he upper story. Yet they did 1t WELL Us it was
|
ELECTROMAGNETIC is the name OF a com
paratiycly new art that is attracting considera
eie attention at the present time. II consist,
~ transferring pictures which have beer
printed upon paper in high and beautiful
colors 20 any object one may wish TO ornament
such as fans, work boxes, vases, flower pots, ar
1ieles Of furniture, &c, When transferred the