Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1876-08-26
CoNFEDRIT y ROADS,
Wen Is IN THE STATE wv KENTUCKY,

August Nth, 1876,
The men nv infloonce and them ez heZ bin ap-
pinted to stump the State Nv lnjeany for the great
reformer Tilden, and the tnanshel genius NV the
10Th sentry, Hendrix met on the call NV the chair
man nv the central commtty, III lnJenapolis, US
tcrday, to be instructed their dooties by The
grand organizer, witch Is maxim toor NV the
different States dom Nv that.
One NV the speakers remarked that it wuz ez not
ez hi, and rebooked him to wunst
"Don't speak disrespectfully Nv that place" sed
], 1.-The heft NV our friends are there. Never
heyin scratched the Dimocratic ticket, beeve
Good be electid to Congrls from that dcestrick
myself.
took the dimocratic platform and explained it to the
speakers so that Their shood be yoonan unity in
their talk, and so that they shoodnt clash in
different parts uf the State, but present yooni-
form front to the enemy. lie got to the civil SER
vice plank, and he remarked:
"Gentlemen, this pint 700 must dwell with
great earnestness, and at much length. Make no
mistakes in this Insist that eff Tilden and Hendrix
is electid, man shell be hsted out Nv otis bocoz
NV his politikle views; that man shell be APP
pinted becoz servises to party, and that ftnis,
honesty and SIGH, the Jetfersonyun tests, shell gov
ern the distribooshen Nv patronage. Remember
this and make no mistakes about it. This must be
dwelt upon"
one man to his feet, and demanded to be herd
They come up in solid platoons, and as glanced
along that line shinin noses, wuz reminded
NV fireworks.
"This is all very WELL" sed one, "but expected
that wuz to be collector NV the dlstrick IN the
event NV the elecshen Nv the CRATE reformer."
81 will hev the postoffis in my town, or not a
word will how'll" shrieked another.
And every blessed one Nv EN- insisted he'd hev
place or reform mite go to blazes.
The grand organizer rose calmly, selected a
book from out Nv dozen or more he he'd, and
addressed hissef to the first man who raised a
shlndy.
"Your name is"
"Simpkins."
"Your County,"
"Posey."
"You are down for Collector, see. w course
you will hey it,"
"And what is fixed for mei" demanded the
second.
"Yoo are to hev the post offs in yoor town
And before we go eny further we will settle this
matter NV the ofiises. We arranged it with yoor
committy at St. Loois
And he red out list Nv the of6ses in the State,
aud who wuz to hev EN-. There wuz some trouble,
for they all warn't provided for; nor wuz those
WITCH he'd bin provided for allus satisfied with wat
he'd bin given EN-. 1t wuz all fixed, however for
in counties which he'd dimocratic majorities some
NV em were promised nominations, and quite a
number NV consulshps and small Turin mishens
were huv in to satisfy EN- all.
The next question that come wuZ how to treet
the money question. Instrucshens wuz asked.
The grand organizer rlZ to his feet
"Lemme see,' he sed, "wat State am in Oh
yes, remember, Injeany. find by referrin to
my instruckshens, that in Ineany 700 must be soft
money-modrtly in the Northern part NV the
State, but rampantly in the extreme Southern
part, going ez fur ez Pendleton did, with strong
and decided leanin toward repoodiashen. Also
down Their 700 may sandwich in ez much NV the
niger ez 700 kin git in. Eff 700 hev any old
banners left over from campanes denouncn Mig
ger equality and deprecatin margin niggers, it
wood be well to trot EN- out agin. Returnin to
the currency, eff any Nv VOC shood be called to
speak in other States-wich 700 probably won't
be- he added, glancing at their faces "dont tech
the topic at all till you hev consulted the lokle
committees. Be very keerful about this. And in
other States don't 20 on the platform full of lik-
ker, so 700 shell hev yoor memories. BE keer-
full about this, for eff you shood make an Injeany
speech IN Connecticut it wood room us. Don't
get drunk till after the meetns, and after the peo-
pie hev all gone home. Here 700 may do ez 700
please, for | shoOd suppose the drunken the man
wuz the more he wood talk to the satisfaction NV
the Injeany dimocrisy, but in Connecticut and Moo
York it's different. 700 must keep sober till af-
ter the meetins there.
Whereupon the speakers all rose ez ore man
and remarked eff it wuz all all the same they didn't
States to speak. They wuz simple sons NV nacher,
and despised a bloated aristocracy SIGH ez the
grand organizer wuz describin.
Then l rose.
zone thing more remains. Are we to go out like
the Aposses, without scrip in our purses That
Good be done in Joodee. for that CLINT wuz mild
cnnff to sleep out doors, and the Apossels didn't
hev whiskey or to5acker to buy, ez hev bin in
formed. i never saw in any Bible l ever red any
account NV ther dom it"
"Uv course we can't elect the CRATE reformei
without money! ejackilatid another. SIN my
county hev to import a couple NV hundred NV
Irish patriots who amt nateralized, and there are
ten a dozen Irish wet grozers in my town who
hev to be arranged with, to keep EN- strate. Be-
sides one man who hez stone quarry rekuires at
least hundred dollars to keep his men tite enuf
to bring EN- in solid on eleckshun day."
"My friends" sed the grand organizer, call NV
this hez bin provided for. Do 700 suppose the
Great Reformer wood let the coz NV reform be
ieopardized for want NV money? Did yoosuppose
that John Morrissey wood let us go into the
skrmmage unprovidedf He is running his three
faro banks mite and day, and hez pledged all his
profits to the coz We hev assessed all the men
to whom we hev promised the Fedrel otiises in
Moo York, for money to carry Injeany, and we
hev all that we kin yoose."
And he gave each NV us enutf to do wat shood
be necessary, and instructed US to draw on the
committee in Moo York for more ez fast ez it mite
be needed, and went his way. He organizes
Illinoy next.
Thus properly provided, both with funds and
instrucshens, 90 gaiy out to battle for the CRATE