The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-04-15
BUDGET OF FUN.

journalist OF this city, as associate edi'
tor upon one OF the morning newspapers, un'
dert0ok to make u canoe voyage down the
Susquehanna River last summer. He took
his canoe up to Wilkesbarre on the cars and
launced 1t upon the bosom of the stream at
that point. The only obstacles to complete
enjoyment on the part OF voyages upon the
Susquehanha are the many dams which OBJ
struct the stream. 1t Is customary to carry
the canoes around these and to enter the
stream below them The first one encoun-
tered by the editor was the dam at Nant!choke'
This has in the middle Of ii an enormous
"shute," through which the water rushes
upon an inclined plane, so as to permit the
attrS which descend the stream TO float
down. Just before reaching the dam the ed.
itor padded in to the shore anu interviewed
rative respecting the condition OF the
shute.
"Wha, do you think of the chances of my
shooting the dam in this canoe? Doyou be.
leve that could do it!"
81 should think you could, Of course said
the man.
"Wlll there be no trouble about getting
through
No; guess not. l never heard of any.
body having any"
why? Did any one ever 60 down in a
cancer"
"Yes, indeed! There was a fellow here
about week ago who went through whlz.
zing."
what did he say about lt?"
"Why, he didn't make any particular re-.
mark; took it quietly"
Didn't seem frightened?"
ooh, no! After he got through he was
just as calm and unrutfled as baby"
The Journalist resolved that he would try
it. He padded out to the channel and head
ed his frail bark tor the shute. Pretty soon
he got into the current, and the canoe began
to acquire frighttul velocity. Then he
thought may be he had better give up the
venture and haul the canoe around on dry
land, but the current was too strong for him,
and the only thing he could do was to keep
the boat bows on and let it 60 BY the time
the head Of the shute was reached the boat
was making about 100 miles an hour, and
next moment it slid down the watery hill like
flash of lightning.
When it struck the river below 1t shot be-
meath the surface, carrying the crew with it,
and for second or two he could feel him
self proceeding under water at a painfully
high rate of speed. Then he became uncon.
cious.
When he revived he found that some phi
lanthropic person had hold of his legs and
was rolling him on a barrel, while close at
manu- lay his CdLOc, Will uOlC stoNC III VIC
bottom, and his trousers with the point of a
boot.hook firmly fastened IN them. Then
they sat him up and as soon as he seemed
comfortable the native who had given the in.
formation about the dam approached and
SAID:
1.-TWO dollars, please:'
"Two-two-why, what-two dollars for
whats"
"For snatchng you from watery grave.
It's the regular charge"
"Why, you told me that could shoot the
dam"
"Wel, you did shoot it, didn't you:"
"And you said that the other man last week
did it sately?"
80, no. What said was that he was calm
after he went through. And so he was. He
was awful calm, because his pants were so
tender that they wouldn't hold the boot-hook,
and when we ketched him he was deadr'
"Why didn't you tell me ii was so danger
Gus, you infamous scOundrel?'
young man, don't use hard words, Why
didn't tell your did give you all the in.
formation you asked for; and, besides, |
make my living fishing felers out; and re-
ally, now, look at the thing fair and you'll
admit that can't be taking the bread out Of
my mouth by begging all such navi gators as
you to get out and walk now can II"
Then the editor broke in the ribs of his
canoe with the end of his paddle, and voy
aged home in the cars. When he canoes
again he will hunt up the river that has
never been damned -PhiLa. Bulletin.