The true northerner., 1876-03-10
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
OFTEN "hauled over the Goals THE
poker.
VERY small fish are fry larges ones
are fried.
The noblest work of man is a neat and
happy home.
Books in cheap muslin covers are
bound to sell.
A DOG fight is now facetiously styled
an o6dire de cur.
WHEN is the baby like canister
When it is a tea thing.
THE cry all along the Philadelphia line
of home life will soon be "all hands on
deck to repel boarders."
Mr.. SPILKINs, don't your wife want
to buy nice sealskin cloak 2" asked an
uptown furrier the other day. Don't
know" said Spilkins, Alaska"
AN Illinois girl wrote to the School
Commissioners of Chicago that she "had
bin out of employment for year, and
wud teech for 80 month and bord
round.
A PASSENGER train on the Central
Railroad OF Iowa was thrown from the
track, but as no one was smashed up but
a couple of fiddlers, the passengers
passed vote of thanks to the company.
AN old Irish woman who called on a
Rutland family to beg, the other day,
being asked if she had a husband aud
what he was doing, replied, 81 have,
and, faith, he hasn't brains enough to
sit down.,
HERE is soliloquy of Partisan ine-
briate, addressed to his hat, which had
fallen off. 1t was overheard one night
on the Boulevards eff I pick you up,
1 fall if | fall, you will not pick me up
then leave you, and he staggered
proudly away.
A SCHOOL teacher got the boys down
on him by taking their apples away from
them when they had them around in
school time, and eating them himself,
but he looks at them very carefully since
he ate one charged with red pepper.
GOOD COUNSEL.
Wouldst thou select precious rose
Have double care OF fate?
For one may bloom before its day,
Another bloom too late
The morning red will overshine
The red of any rose,
And in the night the thorn is hid,
Which wounds thee wnere il grows.
FROM the German.
The feeling seems to be gaining
ground in commercial circles that unless
some improvement is invented in safe
locks, return will have to be made to
the custom of those halcyon days when
the cashiers wife carried the assets of
the institution in her stocking and slept
with rolling pin and a fat-iron under
her pillow.
! A LITTLE schoolgirl asked her teacher
what was meant by "Mrs. Grundy."
The teacher replied that it meant "the
world" Some days afterward the
teacher asked the geography class to
which this little "bnd of promise" be-
longed, "What is a zone2" After some
hesitation, this little girl frightened up,
and replied, 81 know it's belt around
Mrs. Grundy's waist"
"THIs is my last CALL" remarked
| fiippant young gentleman to a young
lady who was soon to be married on a
recent occasion. 81 never call on mar
ried women, or unmarried ladies after
they have reached twenty FIVE" "You
do well, sir, " gravely remarked an elderly
lady present. :" At that age, and after
marriage, they begin to know the value
of time, and do not like to waste it.
A PIoUs Newark girl recently discard
ed poor young man to whom she had
long been engaged, and gave her hand
to wealthy gray-headed widower. She
said she had made the matter subject
OF prayer, and that God told her that
with the rich mans money she could do
great good in the world in the way of
converting sinners, and so she took up
the burden. 1t is only women who can
so sacrifice themselves.
A DANBURY man says he never be-
longed to n fire company bat that he
once attempted TO advise the foreman of
company at a fire. And what did he
say 2" asked the interested listener.
He didn't say anything" "He didn't
like it, did hel" 81 am sure don't
know but as he knocked me off the
walk with his trumpet and stamped on
me in the street have always believed
that he took some offense mt my advice.
Still he said nothing to that effect"
The Pal Mai Gazette SAYS of the
American girl in England Like the
wind, sue goeth where she hsteth, but
every man knoweth whence she cometh.
She nrouses the hostility of English
matrons the moment she sets foot on
British soil. Few of them are aware
that she has been purposely trained to
selfreliance and self assertion, like her
brother, from infancy. Such traini-,.
shows itself in her manner, which CRATES
as harshly on British feelings as her
voice too often does on British ears.
THIS sample of the poetry of science.
gives us the offspring of chemical
wedding:
Messrs Water and Oil
One day had brotl,
As down in the grass they we're dropping,
And would not mite,
Bat continue q 20 night
Without any prospect Of stopping.
Mr.. Pearlash o'erheard,
And, quick as a word,
he jumped in the midst Of the elsshing;
when all three agreed,