The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-12-22
NO. 81.
EI4LAN NEOUs.

lie WAS eIECttu SllC'V AAN 'eN@
cross-eyed and needed rest.
Hon. A. H. Stevens health is improy
ing. He has gained OF. in the last three
months.
Mrs. Finch, Chicago poetess, wants to
know, sWhat are the wild winds bring
ing 2" We guess it is a cold in the head
Gen. Hancock will command the troops
in and around Washington.
Emperor William, OF Germany, con.
tnues to be in declining health.
| Husband uour resources and your
daughters will be better able to husband
themselves.
they have been for for 5Feesars 5esaHrs hunting g the
north pole, now the politicians are hunting
the south pole.
us them hecommon dog sassage ~ IN
quired venerabls looking lady as she
surveyed link on the Butchers stand over
her spectacles the other. day. "4es,
ma am; genuine poodles,7 said the petite
dealer,
President Grant is denounced by the
New Orleans Morning Star, Irish Catholic
organ, on account of the troops being con-
centrated at Washington, and calls on
Gems. Mcclellan, Hancock, Hooker Shield
Buell. and others to interfere. The editor
must see blood upon the moon.
Neighbor comes into see baby, and ad-
dresses patriotic mother: "Well, what
shall I call it, Samuel Jones Tilden, or
Rutherford Burehard Hayes?" Patriotic
mother, Neither, yet; we're waiting ON
that Louisiana Returning Board before
naming it, and after all it may be little
fraud, or bull-dozer."
! A Frenchman more noted for his conceit
and certain amount Of success with the
fair sex, than the cleanliness of his linen,
was posing the other day before a beautiful
and witty woman, whea he delivered him.
self of this rather arrogant sentiment
Women, change them as I do my shirts. :
"Oh," said the fair one, looking attentive
ly at the collar of his shirt, u should never
have believed you SO constant =
A simple peasant from the wilds Of New
England was alighting from the ears atthe
! Washington depot in company with
: friend when the. latter pointed out the first
distinguished looking man, and exclaim
ed ...Look. GEORGE, there goes one ofthe
tell! calculated thesimple peasant, . How
much has he stolen 2
A visitor at the Exposition, dining at
French restaurant, meanly intimated wher
his bill was presented that his boiled egg
4 contained a chicken. The polite Waitel
: said he would have the bill corrected, aao
: soon returned with new bill, upon which
. the charge of 80 cents for eggs had give1
! 1lace to an item Of SO cents for chicken.
:, An inebriated individual fell down |
I fight of stairs the other night, and pas
! ser-by, fearing him seriously injured, raj
n to pick him up. But the man majesticalt
$ staggered to his feet, and in response t
= the proffered aid, roared out: 'Now Yo
s les let lone. Wan no slobberin' roun'
y me. L allus come down stairs that way.
: One of our Nevada ranehers, says th
: Reno New Gazette, sent his wife East
see the big show in Philadelphia, and 70
: lowed in about three months himself. Th
" worthy couple stayed with their relatives
= about ten miles from Philadelphia, for 81
: weeks, and upon returning to the land
: : the sagebrush, were asked for particular
j in regard to the Centennial. "Well, sal
he, ''I'll tell you how it was. Ny wife wa
visitin' round afore went and didn't g
n to the city, and when / got there brothe
4: Jim was jest thrashin' his buckwheat, an
re they KEEP Us SO busy helping 'em that
n didn't get to the show at all.
= A Kansas city German got angry with
= banker Of that place for demanding
Ut heavy discount, when the banker asserte
- that it was business, replied "Pisiness
IN Pisiness 2 You sthands here nit Il
y counter shust all der dime, and robs ns
ef barefaee pefore his back, und calls d
4. pisinessW
lie waltzed out of . Liberty street fro
door yesterday, followed BY Washboa
and two bars Of Rabbits soap and, IS
OF Strengthened himself up and walked firm
u down the street, be remarked: "A m'
ey must draw the line somewhere or be cal
~ be boss of the house, and I'll be hanged
III punp more than one barrel of vat
for no washing, and there amt no welni
!, can make me do it, unless she locks 7
j.. in
An old topper who had attended t
Polytechnic, where the learned profess
caused several explosions to take pla
from gases produced from water, said