The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-09-22

October.
A catafalque is very much like a
mouseoleum. Both imply demice.-[N.
Y. Graphic.
Awkward Ornaments.-A we'll mould !
ed arm is prettier without bracelets; be
sides, they are liable to scratch fellows
ear.
The song of "The Star Spangled Ban
ner" was first set in type by Mr.. S. S.
Sands, editor of the American Farmer,
who is still living in Baltimore.
Since Queen Victoria took her place
on the English throne, thirty mine years
ago, every throne in Europe, from the
least to the greatest, has changed occu-
pants.
The will of Felicien David, the COM
poser, con tanned the following injunc-
tion: my funeral is to be as simple
as possible, and to be conducted with
out the assistance of any minister of
religion"
Miss Martha Butler, of Bristol, Vir-
ginia, had to drink half gallon of wine
and pint of whisky because a spider
bit her. She recovered and now spiders
are worth thirty cents apiece in that
town.
Horrootso,,k ,ohoo1 IL
recently kissed in the dark by mistake,
explained her omission to use any light
for nearly two weeks afterwards, on the
ground of hard times Brooklyn Ar
gus.
"Can you speak German?" inquired
merchant of a young gentleman apply
ing for the position of foreign CORES
pondent. "N-o, n---o-t exactly" was
the reply: "but I have brother who
can play the German fute.'
The break in the coal com mbination
and the fair prospect of cheap fuel this
Winter has emboldened country editors
to treat the authors OF poetic contribu-
tions with considerable independence, il
not asperity.-[ Brooklyn Argus:
Repartee.-"Please accept lock Of
my hair" said bachelor to a widow
handing her large curl. "Sir," she
replied, "you had better give the whole
wig" MADAM" he responded, "you
} are very biting indeed, considering tha
your teeth are porcelain"
The LATEST man is on Western pa
per. He spells photograph "4tograph.'
There have been only three worse thar
he. One lived out in Kansas, and datec
his letters "11worth;" another spelt Ten
nessee "10aC, and the other wrote Wy
andotte "Y&."
A guest at Pittsburg hotel locke
under his bed Saturday night, and wa
rewarded by seeing the crouching fgur
of man. The robber made dash fo
r liberty, but was caught in the building
, When searched a bottle half full O
chloroform was found upon him. HI
e was indignant that man should be 81
9 old maidish as. to go peeking under tn
bed.
0 The New York Herald has deliber
t ately concluded that "the brilliant col
= ored fluids which decorate the averag
t bar derive the least of their flavor from
e either grape or grain, but are the fabri
It cation of so-called "liquor compound
ers," and are in reality mixtures com
pared with which the "hell broth {
Macbeth's witches might be called inne
cent and nutritious soup"
Il A burglar who invaded the premise
of Mr.. and Mrs. David w. Travis, {
Peekskill, made mistake; for, Will
Mr.. Travis knocked him down an
kneeled on him, Mrs. Travis bound h
20 arms and legs with sash-co Ths
- accomplished, he was bounced to tt
}. lookup.
D. Mr.. Buckle says that history repea
IS itself. We presume he refers to the fa
D. that the Jews were directed to NAL
" glad the waist places, and that the san
h. pleasing custom of doing it with Il
er left arm on the front stoop evenings, a
in ter the old,gentleman has gone to Il
to lodge, is popular now.---Norwick Blu
ia letin.
II, The baby was doubled up the cram
he and yelling at the rate of a mile a mil
ute, as the father and mother stood ov
the crib with the laudanum bottle b
u tween them. "No, Mariar." he sa
'1' gently, but firmly, "you pour it out; tn
~ child's growing so much like your mot
- er that I can't trust myself Brook,
Argus.
~ Clubs for Editors.-"Tom r
,b son, what are yeu going to do with tn
oh club?" "Send it to the editor, of course
N "But what are you going to send it
- the editor for?" "Cause he says if an
n body will send him club, he will Sc
bis them copy of his paper" The moth
-. came near fainting, but recovered h
81 self sufficiently to ask, "But, Tomn
70 dear, what do you suppose he wal
ow with club?" "Well, l don't kno,
IA replied the urchin, "unless it is
-. knock down subscribers as don't pay
!. their papers. suppose there are plel
I" of such mean people," That boy staI
er- chance for the Presidency, if he liy
md
VIM. e. Finck has been one of
irst leading political speakers in Ohio, q
some persons are wondering why he
the not on the stump in this campaign.
3 ] should be remembered that Mr.. FIJI
1t is the Democratic candidate for Judg
e a the Supreme Court, and custom has
cided 1t, and wisely, we think, t
T. nominees for that high and respons
Office, should not engage in the BUSH
of political speech making. This
what keeps Mr.. Finck out of the po
cal canvass.-[ New Lexington Her
lerS WANTED To employ three frst-(