River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1876-11-30
Baby show In Texas.
from the San AntOnIo Herald.


Baby Show I'm Texas.
From the San Antonio Herald
The baby show took place yesterday
afternoon at the Pagoda on the Fair
Grounds, and in the second story of it,
which, by the way, reminds one of
the hurricane-deck of a steamboat,
and the number and violence of the
squalls did not go far to dispel the
Illusion. In order to encourage Mr..
Samuel Benet, who provided the prize
perambulator, about ninteen babies
had put in their appearances. These
said babies, in the goodness of their
hearts, had also brought the mothers
along, and these ladies seemed to take
as much interest in the show as the
babies themselves. We suppose the
babies brought their mothers along to
keep them out of mischief. Besides
the babies and the young mothers,
there were quite a number of ladies
and gentlemen present who were not
babies, and had not been babies for
some time, who came because they
once had been babies, and wished to
find out if the human race was not
deteriorating.
There were various styles of babies
there. There was the serene contemp-
lative baby that quietly devoured the
landscape with its eyes. When that
kind of baby grows up he becomes a
heavy taxpayer and accuTalates real
estate. and is regarded, and justly too,
as highly respectable. Then there
was the disorderly baby that punch
es its mother in the nose, and snatches
every body who comes near it bald
headed, and is as disorderly as a cage
full of wildcats. In after life that
style of a baby climbs the ladder of
fame as a policeman or as a desperate.
There we noticed, too, the smiling
baby. Ii made friends with peafect
strangers twenty yards distance. 1t
would take an earthquake to stop that
style of child from browning. When
that kind of child grows up he be-
comes popular, and is elected Justice
of the Peace or United States Senator,
like Gov. Coke. Then, too, there was
the hungry infant that called for the
bill of fare. When that kind of a
child becomes fully developed, men,
tally and physically it becomes contemp-
| lative, joins the ministry, and becomes
terror to Spring chickens. There
were several other styles of baby, but
we can't devote so much space to such
small fry. We have not mentioned
| how the female babies would turn out
| on account of the uncertainty of the
sex. There was some difficulty In
obtaining judges to pass on the infants.
| Whenever gentleman was requested
to act as judge, he was singularly
unanimous in refusing to firing down
on himself the wrath of the babies
who might not get the perambulator.
As it was absolutely certain that there
would not be less than seventeen of
those enraged cherubs, we do not
blame them so much after all. Besides,
these insulted little cubs have mothers,
fathers and other relatives. No wonder
there was a certain unwillingnesS to
| intrude.
At last five heroic men were found
to act as judges.
The mothers seated themselves in a
| circle, with their infants on their laps,
| the Judges made the rounds on tremb-
ling limbs gazed falteringly at each
! infant, and then with blanched faces,
consulted hurriedly together, cast
| their ballots, looking over their
| shoulders at the deter mined faces of
the mothers, and then hurried down
| the stairs and out of the Pagoda, and
are by the time doubtless safe in some
| country that has no extradition trea-
| ty with the United States. IL was
understood that the awards would not
be called until the judges had ten min
utes start.
We would like to make some extend
| ed suggestions on this subject, but
space prohibits. If we were one of
| the judges, no matter how round the
limns might be, no matter how many
dimples it sported on its chin, itmight
smile like a lady with new set of false
teeth, and might be able to play one
of Beethoven's immortal symphonies
on a piano besides, it would never get
| our vote unless its father made af1idav-
| it that he had never walked it about
at night, and it was regular and decor
| Gus in its behavior toward all the men,
Ders of the family. That is the style
of baby that ought to be encouraged.
That's the kind of a baby that de-
serves perambulators aud mugs and
kind words in the papers. 1t may
have hair and speckled complexion,
but it is nevertheless the only style of
baby that is really well-spring of JOY
to it's parents and credit to the
community.