The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-10-14
BUDGET OF FUN.
THE NEW SCHOLAR.
Knew 1t All, but Wouldn't Tell.


He made his appearance at one OF the union
schools the other morning and, arriving ahead
of time, he prevented any feeling of loniness
from seizing him by licking three boys and
riding the gate off Its hinges. He went ia
with the crowd when the bell rang, and, ind
ing no empty seat, he perched himself on the
wOod-box When the children repeated the
Lords prayer" in concert, the new boy kept
time" with his heel and when they came to
sing he argued that variety was the spice of
song, and attempted to sing one of his own
one about gentleman named Daniel Tucker,
who dreamed that he was dead and so forth.
The teacher warned him to keep still, and he
replied that he wouldn't come to school if his
musical qualifications were to be overlooked.
When school finally opened the teacher Sc
cured his name and began asking him ques
tions In order to find out how he should be
graded. A ga a#
"Can you spell ~ she asked #r.
"What kind Of spellng?" he cautiously re.
Piled
spell house. if you please"
"Frame or brick house?" he asked.
"Any kind of house"
with a mortgage on t."
"You may spell man ifyou Will, she SAID,
giving him o severe look.
"Man?''
Yes"
III don't care much about spelling man
this morning. but will this afternoon. I've
spelled it with my eyes Shut
"Do you know your alphabct?' she asked,
changing the subject.
Never had any!' was the prompt reply.
"Do you know anything about readlng?'
81 read like lightning" he answered.
She handed HIM reader and said:
LET me hear you read
"Read right out loud" sEs
Eyes"
pm afraid it would disturb the children"
he whispered. ...... ~
"Go on, and let me hear you read"
He looked carefully at the page, scowled
his brow and read:
"If was a lame boy and didn't get any
peanuts IN my stocking Christmas, dun my
ewes but I'd make things jump around that
house next morning.
He handed the book back and the teacher
asked: ,.|."
"Rlchard, how many are three and three?
"Three and three what?" he inquired
"Anything."
"It's good deal according to what 1t is"
he replied as he settled back. 81 know that
three and three cats don't make dog!'
did you ever study geography, Richard ~
"Yes, man,
"What is geography"
"lt's II book"
as this world round or aat?"
"Hills and hollers!" he replied.
"Richard, can you write"
write what?"
"Can you write your name?"
81 could, suppose; but I've got my name
without writing IT,
"Can you write letter."
"Who to9"
ITO any one"
Eyes, l could, if had money to pay the
postage"
"Wel Richard" she said in despair, you'll
have to 60 into the lower room if you want to
come TO school here"
III druther stay here"
"But you can't"
"l'll bet you this knife agln ten cents
can"
She took him by the arm to remove him,
but he laid his hand on her shoulder and said,
in warning voice:
Don't get me mao now, or I'll let myself
loose" .e
She called the principal down, and as he
approached the boy he commanded
boy, what are you doing here?"
"Gittin eddicashon!" replied Richard.
"You go right down stairs now" continued
the principal
"Well, don't sass me, for was never here
before" replied Richard, slowly moving his
legs as if he meant TO get down.
The principal took him by the collar and
Jerked him around, got kicked on the shin,
and bitten in the wrist, and finally landed the
young student on the walk. q,
"Now, you go homer he shouted as he tried
to recover his breath.
"Am educated ~ inquired Richard
you seem to be-
"Gimme diplomy, them
"You clear out or I'll have you arrested"
"Hain't scholar in this school no more ?"
"No, sir.'
"Who owns this school-house" demanded
the boy.
mo matter-your clear OUT
Twill you come out in the yard here where
you can't hang to anythingy" asked the boy.
"Begone, say"
Don't draw no darrlnger on mel" warned
the boy, as he, backed of, NOR don't you
think you can scare me with any of your
bowieknives!"
The principal walked in and shut the door,
and after the new boy had stood there long
enough TO show that he wasn't afraid, he turn.
ed and walked off, growing to himself
"I'll get the foreman of No. 6 to pound that
Teller Tore he's a week older.
Influence of Greenbacks.
He lonl, pd Ike a man who m iuht hoya hod