The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-05
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

DfNN'''''J'~'
ta5rdph
Ratter not stir in too mush lcvity at their eX-
,,onse vouns man. lest you engcnder corn hict
HoODtsf0tna enron.
which implies that the Johnny Cakes are liza
HE TO ret up on their ear If they do, pop en-
Hare Is the centennial contrast. First, as Poor
Richard had it in l776
Farmers at the pillow,
Wife milking the COW,
Daughter spinning yarn,
All happy as charm"
And now the modern Improvement in 1876:
Farmers go to see show,
Daughter at the piano,
Madam gayly dressed i'll satin,
All the boys learning Latin,
With mortgage On the farm
The editor of the Clinton Register had the MIS-
fortune, in his local comments lately, 10 oncuu
some young men OF that city, who sent nm an
anonymous note, demanding that he appoio'
,,ise - in his paper The editor declines to apol-
ogIse. especially with two ps, and then gives
warning as follows:
We are not very big and are not very pusils,
tic in our disposition, but we warn the boys lhat
it is barely possible that they may ieei , morse
hurt after their interview with us thah they 40
now They will find our Office well garrsoned,
while in our private walks we carry Il mountain
howitzer in each coat-tail pocket, revolver III
each vest pocket, a double.barrelcd breech-ioaa'
ing shot. gun in our watchfob, a bowie-knile
down the back of our neck, pound OF dynamite
and a can of nitrogycerine in our Drecches
rockets We do all our apolog.sing IN person
and not through the paper, and we shall be nap
DIV to meet the boys at any time ana give them
ample satisfaction.
They are getting dey-- thot is, very particu-
lar in the L. s. Court at Chicago about the Ian
ruage the witnesses use. Hugh Bradshaw was
asked whether he thought one DeWoli would
lie If any money was at stake. " fcs,' SAID the
witness. al think he would lie like the devil.
For which the court fined him S25 The witness
might have avoided that fine and yet been quite
as emphatic if, instead of the devil, he had nam
cd Jimmy Blanchard, or Old Storey, or the In
ter-Oc.dn.
In Philadelphia the whole edition OF primer
was published containing the following ludi'
crous mistake, in consequence OF the omission
of the letter c:
" When the last trumpet soundeth,
We shall not all die
But we shall all be (c)hanged,
In The .winkling OF an eye
Lord Nelson's FAST words were " Kiss me, Har-
dy" How different the language OF the woman
who awakes at a. IN, and discovers her nus
band sitting on the moor III inc hreliSut, uyInS
TO pull his boots of with his teeth-Broofy'
1rguS.
Mai. Mathews, Of Tarbolton, Ga, has the chair
in which sat Henry Clay, Daniel Webster, and
other senator's. Persons owning revolutionary
tables, congressional spittoons, or constitutional
punch-bowles will please not all speak at once.
"Now don't be too rough" remarked an indi-
i1,,o bn ed
graucy, to the officer. Don't call me a thief
Be halfway decent, and say I'm whisky inspec'
tor ur u rnlladephla nuo,n.a.
Irpser Fritz has had four Berlin reporters ar
rested and fined for saying that he was gong u
orr Centennial We don't want to pick 1uss
with Germany, but if he thinks he's too good to
come to our show, he can just 20 to thunder
That's all-.Ch. Times.
Messrs. Hitz & Kichs keeps lager beer sa
loon in Milwaukee. The names are striking and
appropriate.
II was Daniel Webster, wasn't it, who salC
"there is always room at the top" The mar
who counted forty cats on the roof of Chicago
tenement saws there wasn't room at the top fo
another one.
The London Rothschd is dead, and every poo
devil Of an editor remarks WIN satlShea com
Poverty don't save man either" c""H'
Saturday Night.
Extract from fashionable young lady's lcttc
from Washington:
Finally, dear Fanny, the puzzling ramc of tn
Russian minister is 10 be pronounced ShuSiiku
Iwont pretend to give you It's spelling, and
there Is a fashionable young woman ~ the Al
linrton who has her brown hair bScGchd rfgutd'
lyeteiy m0nth! Isn't she goose
Dom Patt, happy man has met somcwhcr
in his re cent tr avels woman Of whom he Sa.
Her smile is sunlight, and her laugh
That sunli ght set TO tune;
Her lips the honey bee might guam
And dream of buds in June
Atareccnt dinner IN the mountains of spaiI
given to Don Carlos, the principal toast, " Wv
King Charles VII" was drunk standing. Ill
King himself, il is ADDED, was drunk sitting
The president has no ear for music, and III
carelessness with which he used to take Bal
cocks flute TO rake the fire with was constar
menace to their friendship.
Hartford has scandal, and it takes 4 colum
a day in each Of the three daily papers Of th'
town to keep It suppressed"
They have found negro in Texas who was
good sized boy and blew the bellows of a b.acI
smith shop in Virginia at the time Of Braddock
defeat in 1874. He now masticates food with h
third set of teeth and is hale and hearty. He CT
remember when Susan B. Anthony was your
girl.
New Orleans disrl,ers did no such foolu
thing as burn their books when Bristow's mi
ions came 70 look into their mash tubs. Tn
last sold them 10 the rag pichers for waste !
per
Mendoza Is excited over the discovery Of
haunted house in the south part of the tov
The ghos, has been seen on three different
casions by a couple Of children OF the family
ing in the house, Eho say 1t had great fiery e
and ears like the fan % windmill. The edi
~ the Ball,tia lad 5Iubiless been prowl
around the house.
,r,-..,o,,.pt = made ny the president {