Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-09-22
WHOLE NO. 3O2.
FACT AND FANCY.

DanOo Of the preservers-The oan.can.
An art easely learned-Portrait paint
ing.
Housekeepers say the most difficult thing
to preserve this season has been the Old
South.
Buffalo will send as her mite offering to
the centennial, fourteen.ton cheese, twelve
feet high and bound with iron hoops an
inch thick.
"Pompey, what am dat what goes when
de Wagon goes, stops when dc wagon
stops it am no use to de WACO n, and
dc wagon can't go without it ?" ~ glib
it up, Glenn" "Why de noise, OBJ course"
An old bachelor having been laughed at
by party Of pretty girls told them
"You are small potatoes !" ave may be
small potatoes" said one of them, "but we
are sweet ones !"
"Seventy-seven holes in one pair of
trousers" said Jones meditatively, "and yet
Mrs. Jones said that no moth would ap-
proach that camphor.wood chest for which
paid twenty dollars. Can l, ah Can L
ever trust my souls idol again ?"
A chap was arrested in Philadelphia the
other day for stealing clock. The judge
told him as he had taken another mans
time to begin with, he could now take his
own time to reflect upon it, and sent him up
for three months forwith.
They never use q bulletin board on the
Worcester press. They merely take the
insole out of the editors slipper and lean
it out of the second story window against
the sidewalk and chalk their dispatches on
that.
Stumbling into his room he sat down on
the edge Of the bed, and soliloquized thus !:
"Feet wet, tight boots, q sore on one hand
an felon on tother, an no boot Jack in z
house. Sings got to be different. Either
| mus git married, else get boot,jack.
Wha' shall do"
One of the chief influences that preserve
the political purity Of our rural population
is the belief that the man who is the pro-
ducer of the biggest squash at the county
fair is greater than the man who becomes a
statesman at the risk of getting into the PEN
itentiary.
A man killed another mans dog. The
son of the man whose dog was killed,
therefore, proceeded to whip the man who
killed the dog of the man he was the son Of.
The man who was the son of the man whose
dog was killed was arrested by the man
who was assaulted by the son of the mau
whose dog the man assaulted and killed.
A young girl Of Christie street was so
horriGed on reading of a mans dying from
the effect of being bitten by another man,
that she Immediately had her left ear caut-
erized, and her "feller" quit calling in
week, saying he saw no fun in courting an
iceberg.
According to Louisville paper this the
way Kentucky candidate for office greets
voter: "Howdy, howdy, howdy ?" "IIow-
dy2" "How do you do?" "Tollabe."
"How's all 2" "Tollable." "Your folks
well ?" "Tollable; how's yourn 2" "Tol-
lerable." Gail for me this time 2" "Sor-
ter tolable."
/ George Eliot says that young mans
eyes first open to the world when he is in
love. This is not always so. Usually it is
when he is gone away frem home and had
his washing sent out for the first time, and
finds among it when it is returned an odd
stocking with two red stripes about the top,
and long enough to button around his neck.
An sable seaman" from Ardamurchan was
at the tiller of his soop one nigkt, shortly
after the introduction Of colored signal lights
on ships. A steamer was approaching and
Archy saw the green and red light for the
first time at sea. He astonished his ship
mates by yelling out, "Hard a.port hard
a-port We're gauu RIGHT intae the 'potho-
carys shop at GOurcock."
Tommy is fond of sugar, and asks his
mother for some to eat with his strawberries.
She refuses. He appears resigned, but adds
gravely: "You know, mamma, what hap
pened round the corner2 There was lit.
tie boy, and his mother would not give him
any sugar on his strawberries, and"
"And-F' "And next day he fell into
we'll"
The latest story of brave though child
like form, faithful at the post of duty, comes
from Ohio. He was the sou of village
editor, and, having discovered broken rail
just outside of the town, sat for five hours
on fence near by, waiting for the train so
that he might bo the first to carry partcu-
lars of the accident to his father Such de-
votion to the parental interest is very af-
fecting. ....
Victor Hugo, when about to make his
journey in Germany which inspired his book,
''The Rhine" called at the office for his
passports, when the following conversation
took place with the clerk: "Your name, if
you please 2" "Victor Hugo" "Age?"
"Thirty-three." "Profession2" The poet
lifted proudly his Olympian front and replied
with majesty, Founder Of my school,"
"Very well. Write (turning to a clerk)
write out a passport for NJ. Victor Hugo;
age, thirty.three; school-teacher."
A well to do citizen of Detroit almost had
the breath knocked out of him by the request
OF a ragged sidewalk tramp, who stopped
him and asked "Sir, can't you lend me
$4,000 ?" "What! Who are you sir :
No, sir, | can't sir ?" exclaimed the citizen.
"COuldnt possibly do it, eh ?" "No SIR"
"Tell you what you might do" suggested
the tramp, "YOu might hand me fifteen
cents now, and lend me the balance when
times get little easier" 81 can't lend you
shilling sir, or cent sir, and won't give
you penny, SIR" "Sorry both of us hap
pened to be hard up at once" sighed the
tramp aud he continued his walk.
A Frenchman, while at Naples, was in
troduced at an assembly of one Of the first
ladies by a Neapolitan nobleman. While
he was there his gold snuff box was stolen
from him. Soon after, being at another
house, he saw person taking snuf out
Of his box. He turned to his friend
"There,' said he, "that man in blue, with
gold embroidery, is taking snuff out of my
box, stolen yesterday. DO you know him :
Is he not professional sharper2" Take
care, said the other, "that man is of the
first quality" 81 do not care for his quail
| ity," replied the FrenchmaD. 81 must have