South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-06-09

WIT AND IIUMOR.
IVA Franklin (Pa-) girl says she |
would rather be q dozen widows than
one old maid.
1eA sure shot for potato bugs is to
take a paper Of 6nc-cut tobacco. put it
in q hogshead and Gil up with water
Faight. Then catch what bugs you
hnt, tie q few bricks to their necks and
-fop them in.
VThe boys Of Detroit seem to be
Roing down hill in their morals of late.
Sunday one Of the legion, who has al.
ways been noted for his respectful de.
imeanor toward the great public, obsery.
led an old citizen pawning and gaping
ION street corner, and said to him -
t'Better not open your mouth too wide"
J"Why?" was the surprised query
There's a law agin opening saloon on
Sunday!" continued the sinful child as
no slid for the middle of the street.
J Detroit Free Press.
VWhy SO few marriages, VIC won.
der and leap year, too! Well we
have come to the conclusion that it is
either because the women are not as
good at counting rs the men, or else be-
cause men are harder to court-one Of
the two, sure.
UA geologist says that he never
heard Of secondary formation without
pleasace the ladies being secondary
= formations, for they were formed after
thcmen.
lV"Why don't men swear when they
are alonc?' asked Talmadge. Did Mr..
Talmadge ever lay around in fence.
corners and see q lone farmer pick
up a bumblebee? If so, what did that
farmer say?
~ Ephitorhs, the following belongs
to."Green Erin" and may be seen on a
tombstone in town near Dublin:
"Here lies the body of John Mound
Lost ut sea and never found"
The following is rather equivocal -
Maria Brown, wife of Timothy Brown.
aged 80 years. She lived with her hus.
band 50years, and died in the confident
hope Of better life
ISAn exchange asks: "If theirs a
place for every thing, where is the place
for q boil?' 1t has been said that the
best place for such an ornament is on
some other fellow. And we don't think
, n better location can be discovered
y Iva young philosopher of seven
years ofage, who had not got far enough
to hear the holy Scripture disputed by
science, listened attentively in his faith
er'sparlor the other evening 10 n warm
discussion on the Darwinian theory,
and, after the guests had departed
somewhat surprised the paternal with:
FEATHER l don't believe Mr. Darwin is
right" "What!" said the parent, look
ing down at this unexpected reasoner,
who stood before him with little Bible
in his hand you do not, and why?"
because, papa, my bible says God
created man in his own image" and /
don't believe it was q monkey well"
well, said the sire laughing, run along,
tommy; you are too young to talk about
such things" But, papa, almost the
next verse says: God saw everything
he had made, and behold it was very
good" Now it wasn't good if men were
monkeys, was it? For you are gooder
than a monkey, amt you, papa"
s-V''Ma, does pa kiss the cat?"-
"Why, no, my son. What in the Name
of goodness put that in your head -
Coos when pa came down stairs this
morning he kissed Sarah in the hallway
and said, That's better than kissing
that old cat up stairs, amt it Sarah?"
Ia Good news for children and Young
ladies-switches arc going out Of fash,
ion.
VTDid you enjoy your visit to your
cousin, Martha?"
Indeed l did. ma am" it was as good
as funeral all the time
t=V An exchange says: owe are in
receipt Of two poems, one on the "Throb.
bing Brain" and the other on "Bleed-
ing Heart" We will wait until we re.
ceive one on the stomach ache" and
publish all three together"
Ev The oldest piano in America is
on its way to the Centennial to be claw.
ed and paved and thumped around for
the benefit of small boys with tears on
the end of their noses.
IV@"IIold on thar, Mary Ann" cried
Custer City man to his wife. who was
uprooting his hair for some misdemean.
or, don't take il all" al know what
j am about" cried the festive Mary
"The Indians shall not have 10 il can
hclpit"
WA young Romneyite, threatened
with breach Of promise suit, says -
"Sue away. Contracts made on Sunday
amt legal"