, 1876-12-17

Ilere are sOlQe Qel!caLt Impulses Ll1t good
woman cannot resist; she cannot hesitate to nut
three hair-pins and spare shoelace into The
first shaving mug she sees. Women are better
than men in this respect
"Now,'' said citizen Of Rawltns, Wyo. T., At
a recent dance, "you see that heifer in 8 r.d
dress-that's mr wife; an ct you dance with
her MORN two times, pard. I'll shute the hull
top oy yer he'd of. What III yer d1ink:'
A member Of q club objected to the publiea-
ton of the list OF the meeting nights Of the
clnb, sibecause,' he said, ''if it's published We
married men will have to account for the off,
nights.' The motion to publish was lost
Said woman speaker in New Haven SUI
equal OF man Her reputation for heroic b1ar-
erv''-at that point mouse ran into sight, and
the orator jumped on the table and screamed.
A gifted young lady Of Burlington, We hear,
is about to deliver lecture on tbs subject,
*s Woman in Literature Must be about house.
cleaning, for that is the time when YOU can al
ways find woman IN litter ut your house ans
Pathetic domestic incident: 4 bewild.red
his wife's earnest appeal, :: Why, Henry, oh
whv do you come home at this time Of night!'
responded with great seriousness, ";Cause ds
ze oney place open. All res' shu'-up."
The announcement that Nelson q carried all
before her In Pitts5urg" is slightly ambiguous,
since it leaves the mind Of the reader In doubt
as to whether she forgot her hustle, or in the
excitement OF the OCCASION, adjusted it in q
manner diametrically opposed to the prevailing
fashion, Forester Press
The Recorder Of the Da1les having the other
day expressed the opinion that ChiaToman
who, with others, had been arraigned and
brought before him, was somewhat 10 blame
her liege lord blanlly remarked that, Il the Re:
corder would permit, he the CelestiaD would
take his wife Into the adjoining room and kiu
her.
in thoughtful, dreamy mood, her mind dwell
ing on "reminiscences OF the happy by-ssone days,
and in an absent manner she tired to put her
pautaloons on over her head and she worried
herself into fit Of passion and yexation before
she recovered herself and saw what the matter
with the legs OF those navy-blue breeches dang
ling around her fair neck and cried like woman
for half IN hour.-BuTdette.
Rome Sentinel: A Thomas street couple made
this singular wager: II Hayes is elected tue
woman agreed to build the fires this winter, and
ii Tndcn WIS elected the man was to buad them;
Thursday after the elcction the woman took the
benefit Of the doubt, and has obliged him to
build the tires ever since. Their Oldest daughter
saws: st1t don't make no difference u the Al
gel Gambril Is elected, ma never did build no
f1res, and she never will. You can bet On that
good deal safer than On election"
Yonlsers Gazette: sits no use talking" she
yelled: "a mans man, the world over. Yoq
could go out and parade yourself all around
town half the night, with Kerosene lamp On
your shoulder, while was sitting here starr
alone, and now, II I ask you to get bucket Of
Goals or pail Of water. you begin to warbe
about how tired you are. q youV'-and SIC
grabbed the pail and gave the door slam b.
hind her, and he remarked: Well, It's no use,
you can't please woman anyhow"
A husband was reading aloud the evening
newspaper to his wife, when he stopped breath
less; summary in capital letters Of An afro,
cious crime had stided him; when be recovered
breath he gasped: 'Heavens! Here Is an ac-
count Of most horrible murder! 4 woman
mangled. drawn, and Quartered!" HIS we
exclaimed: sslIon Dieti dfon Dlu! Non
Diest How horrible! And is anybody sps.
pected2" Husband (peegishly snubb'ng us
Wife): "Why, Of course 1t was done Dt nef
husband! !"-Paris paper.
A Virginia City {Nev.) Justfc" became very
confidential in his courtroom the other cay e.t.
ing recess, and thus discourscd OF hs Wiz:
ssAfost men rake fools OF themselves When the5
marry. Now, I called the turn when go.
splced- Do vou know, boys, don't never Dns
q bit of wood hardly. The old woman is Always
nosing round aud snatching hoard mere ana n.e.
there, an she's so down on Cinnamon fnat s, s1c
does all her own washing. All women amt Hhe .es
her, though. Most of 'em want to put III te1
hours in 4 rock1ng-chuir- My old hen an's ILL
q new dress for three years.