Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-06-26

Next to a diary the most difficult
thing to keep is lead pencil.
Scene, recitation room. Smith-Say,
Jones. have you two pincils Jones
No, but should have if you had return
ed the one you borrowed yesterday.
1t was Prentice who declined to dis
cuss the question of woman suffrage in
his journal. because he had considered
woman, from the creation, as q side issue.
A wag. in what he knows about farm
ing" gives a very good plan to remove
widows weeds. He says good-looking
man has only to say "Wilt thou?" and
they wilt.
The Woman's Journal asks, "How
shall we utilize the superAuOus woman ?"
1t seems as if she might be Utahlized
by forwarding her to Salt Lake City,
NoTlgich Bulletin.
IL could kill you for two cents, "
shouted an enraged man to an offending
neighbor. 1t was an ugly threat, but it
sounded good. 1t shows that we are
getting down to ante -bellum prices.
To destroy potato bugs. mix one gallon
of prussic acid with three ounces Of
rend-rock, stir we'll and administer a
tablespoonful every hour and half till
the bug shows signs of weakening. Then
stamp on him.
"No, indeed" said Mrs. Spilkins,
when Leander falsely accused her Of
wanting a back pew in church so as to
see the spring bonnets. mo, indeed,
wouldn't be capable Of any such Vermi'
fuge as that"
Mamma" asked precocious young
ster at the tea-table the other evening
after long and yearning gaze toward q
plate Of doughnuts. Mamma, do yoU
think | could stand another of thOst
fried holes?' She thought he could.
DIR. Mary Walker thinks the scheme
Of making gentlemen's trousers so volum
inous in the neither limbs this year is Il
force her into abandoning them but sh'
says she intends to hang on to them a
long as she don't have to slip 'em oI
over her head.
Ii is well-authenticated fact tha
clean cuffs have an unaccountable ten
dency to secrete themselves somewher
in the immediate vicinity of the elbows
while dirty ones exhibit a wilful and ex
asperating determination to remain OBJ
trusively in the vicinity Of the knuckles
At recent exhibition of paintings
lady and her son were regarding wit
much interest picture which the cata
logue designated as "Luther at the Die
of Worms" Having descanted at som
length on its merits, the boy remarked
Mother. | see Luther and the table
but where are the worms ?"
Spilking has discovered that his steE
mother has a cousin whose daughtt
married a man that has half brotht
living in Philadelphia in large, room
residence quite near to the Centenni;
Grounds. Proper steps have been take
10 establish the relationship, and MIR
Spilkins has ordered three new Saratog
trunks accordingly.
Kontentment il the simple science
knowing when phellOw IL well of. an
keeping still about it. The most lon
sum bizness in this life. and the thanl
less. too, is keeping distrikt school !
had rather tend a mild stone. joker
IL q risky bizzness just for the sake
E a seckond klass joke menny a man h'
7 lost a fust klass friend.
= A pompous fellow was dining with
r country family, when the lady Of Il
q house desired the servant to take awi
: the dish containing the fowl. which wo
she pronounced fool, as is not uncOmm
in Scotland. al presume. madam. J
d mean fowl. +" said the prig. in a rePrOEi
u tone. "Very well. said the lady
little nettled, "be it SO; take away {
fovi and let the fool remain"