The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-05-11
Wit and Hnn0r.

SOLID MAN = the Card1n G1ant.
A FAsTIDIoUs man prefers to take his
butter bald.
The best place to buy motherin-
law-at Marseilles.
THERE is nothing very original in a
market report. It is full of quotations.
PATRIOTS should do all in their power
to encourage railroad war this season
that may go to the Centennial and back
for two dollars and a haf.-St. Louis
Republican.
"Do THEY ever bark +" asked old Mrs.
Dorkins, gazing at pair of stuffed sea
dogs in the museum. "No, num-
said Elnathan, "not now. Their bark
is on the sea-"
JOSH BILLINGS says: "The mewl is
larger bird than the guse or turkey. It
has two legs to walk with and two legs
to kick with, and it wears its wings on
the side of its head"
MARY say, Mrs. Mccarthy, this
'ere's very bad cabbage" Mrs. M
"Sure now, and is it, honey? Then
pick another. Bless ye, young cabbage
is like sweethearts-you must thry half
dozen fore ye gets good wan.
MoCR1sPIN- "Quite right to get
pair of shoes, Molly; your fut i'll look
Elegant in leather" Molly" But sure
I can't pay for them till Christmas. .
McC. CATER a thoughtful pause) -
"Troth, and it is pity to hide such
purity fut, acushla.
THE first day Artemus Ward entered
Toledo, travel worn and seedy, he said
to an editor who was on the street,
''Mister, where could [ get square
meal for twentY-fv cents? He was
old. 81 say, Mister" said he, "where
could I get the twenty-five cents %
The Salt Lake Herald says: A young
boy who had been fishing in Jordan all
day was slowly vending his way through
the city last evening when he was heard
to complain: eff [ were a horse now,
I'd be rubbed down and well fed; but
I'm boy, and I've got to go home, milk
the COWS, bring in wood, tote water and
rock the baby for an hour and half. !"
SPRING rs COME.
Now doth the little onion
Poke up its little head,
And the restless little radish
Stretch in his little bed.
The sunfish and the minnow
Wag their shiny little tails,
While the chipmunks and the robins
Adorn the fences rails
The blossom by the hedge-side
And on the loafers nose
Tells of the coming spring-time
And blooming of the rose.
He believed in practical religion, and
so in the course of his sermon took occa-
sion to remark ''Now I want to say
word to de sisters. When yo' has
washin' to do somewha', an yo' gifts
done, ies' yo' clean up an go right
home. Don't STAN round lookin' wha'
yo' can find a little coffee, or little
suga', or little somethin' else to put IN
yo' pockets. Go right home when yo's
done got frew dat washin'."
ga BOOK agent who has retired from
active labor" says the Easton Free
Press, "upon the hard-earned accumu-.
lation of life of industrious cheek, says
that the great secret of his success was
when he went to house where the
female head of the family presented her
self he always opened saying, 81 beg
YOUR pardon, miss, but it was your
mother WANTED to see." That always
used to get 'em. They not only sub
scribed for my books themselves, but
told me where l could ind more Gus
TONER'S"
YESTERDAY morning stranger from
the West registered at one of the hotels
as sTom Thumb" and it was perhaps
only natural for the clerk to In ulre +:
" You can't be the little Tom Thumb 2"
Chow in thunder can the big Tom
Thumb be the little Tom Thumb 2"
shouted the stranger. "But the names
are the same," protested the clerk.
"Suppose they are9 Are you foolish
enough to imagine that mighty country
like this can produce but one Tom
Thumb, and he only a mouthful for
poodle dog2 You'd better go to school,
sir l''-DetrOit Free Press.
Editor or EditresS.