The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-02-05

HEN Is II uOttOi Hloot
When he is ont Of patients.
For what complaint do doctors pre-
scribe most frequently ?-For profits.
NONE but towards habitnally color
their boards. The brave dye but once.
THE motto of custom-house officers
"Where duty calls us, there you'll find
us"
WHY should doctors be less liable than
others to be sick on the ocean because
they are more used to see sickness.
PUBLIC opinion toward the unfortunate
Indians is taking more honorable turn.
They have shot an agent.
SAILORS are rarely surprised at the APP
Droach of hurricane, for they manage
70 get cind Of il in some way.
The street cars in Detroit go so slowly
that the people wildly cry for sleeping
cars to be attached.
WHY is prosy preacher like the mid
die of n wheel? Because the fellows
around him are tired.
WHAT is the difference between belle
and burglar? The belle carries false
locks. and the burglar false keys.
THE circus horn is heard no more in
the land, and the corner grocery must do
its duty.
An Iowa editor recently announced
that a certain patron of his was s. thiev-
ing as usual" The word he wrote was
" thriving"
A MAIpEN's heart, says an old traveller,
is like q hotel bed-you may never dis
cover the previous occupant, but you
NAV be sure there has been one.
The temperance men of town have not
vet decided which is the best policy-to
make temperance men OF the politicians,
or politicians of the temperance men.
AYoUNG lady at a piano, desiring to ia
vorably impress young man, shouldn't
place lamp so it will throw her profile
on the wall.
To ExTINGUrsH kerosene flames, fling
a cloth over them or, if the flour barrel
is handler, throw on flour, which absorbs
the fluid, kills the flames, and can be
readily cleared up afterward.
Mr.. CHAUNcEY ROSE, n millionaire liv-
ing in Terre Haute, Ind, has during the
last twenty-five years given away nearly
s.. 600. 900 for charitable and educational
purposes.
A MAN must not keep his hat on at n
place of amusement. because it will in
convenience those behind him; buta lady
can pile the tower of Babylon on her
head, if she chooses, and no one dares
80 object.
JOSHUA" said Yankee mother to
her hopeful Mt breakfast, whats an heir
apparent 2" "There's one on the butter,
mother" replied the untilial youngster.
And the old lady lit " upon him with
the coifeepot.
A BROOKLYN scholar, aged fourteen
years. embodied in composition, last
week, the statement that " the idea OF
devil first came out of Persia, but it
didn't amount to much until after the dis
eovery of America"
MIR. SwopE. of Maryland, wanted to
teach school. and when he was declared
Incompetent he burned the schoOl-house
down. That didn't make him any the
more competent, however, as he admit
ted while they were taking him to Jail.
''PuLL on this rope" wrote Mr.. Wine
gardner, of WilliamspOrt, "you will find
corpse deserves encouragement. No
fuss, no noise, no dragging the water nor
firing of canon. just pull the rope, and
he comes, fresh and dripping. A child
five years old could find him.
Our West the question is agitated, is
it allowable to kiss your lady friend on
parting with her Mt the depot? That de-
ponds, we should say. If the lady is GO
ing to be absent long time, two or three
hours for instance, it certainly is allowa-
BILE not only, but may he regarded as IA
Christian duty.-Rochester Chro".
NOT HER FAuLT.-The other day when
q Detroit woman asked her husband to
bring home bar of soap rs he came to
dinner he exclaimed:
"What is that bar gone so quick?"
Its all gone," she replied, s. but I
was as saving as could be. l haven't
washed the children for five days past,
so rs to make it last the week out"
SAHpou, the author of L'Oncle Sam,
that atrociOus libel upon American life,
was recently introduced to an American
woman in Paris. Il am delighted to
make your acquaintance, Madam," said
the playwright. Il should think you
would be glad, NJ Sardou," was the re-
ply, for, to Judge by your Uncle
SAM you never met an American lady
before"
APAwNEE aboriginal presented his big
and stalwart form one December day ut
the house of well-to-do family in Lin
coin. Nebraska. The hostess pitied the
savage, he being so poorly clad, and so
said: 'Are you not cold this wintry
day." He in turn enquired if her face
was cold. She replied in the negative,
whereupon he said: "Ingin is face all
over"