New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-08-13
THe FUN OF THE CAMPAIGN.
Nasty at Saratoga
CoNYRpkI1 K ROADS,
WITCH II in the State nv Kentucky. I

Ipot home from Injeanv Disguised and dis
couraged, After the unf0rtunlt speech wlcn
Issac6er Gavitt spilled went to two other
appointments afoot, but met no incurridg.
ment. The Dim0crisy WIZ cold and not
| impresslble. wuz'nr invited to Q single
! nite's loein' nor . drop of anything 70
| drink, and got back ez dry ez lime kill.
| But there is some comfort in it after al. tor
| in the township Bible, which We keep to
| swear onto, found Q passage wlch COM
| forted me. shown ez 1t does that ! am a
better man than thought l wuz:
when the unclean spirit is gone out NV
man he walketh thro dry places seeking
rest and findeth none. '-Mstthew XII, 20. ;,
/ But there comes in Q doubt after all.
Don't the words "unclean epirits" apply TO
| the sod. corn whisky which Thew consoomed,
| and not to purifyin nv my moral system.
And that about seeking rest and tndin
none to nv yooniform i'll success in beatln
| landlords. 1t is q singler fact that when
| ever Dimocrat flies to the Bible for coneo-
lashen he allus retires with doubts On his
mind. He Good git more comfort ont nv 1t
| if it wuzn't made up 80 largely Nv theaten-
| ms and penalties. Heving voted citrate
Dimocratic ticket alluz, the atory Nv the
| thieves on the cross comforts me sCme, and
90 does the fact hev alluz . death bed re-
pertence to fall back onto.
conserved it my dooty TO deliver an
Orashen on the fourth Nv July, TO commem'
crate the centennyal nv American indie
pendence, but / wuz subjected to series
Of insult from the Ablishinists nv the Cor
ners wich neerly broke my heart. When
announced it, Pollock. the 1llinOv distur-
Der, remarked. (See Job xxx, 81:
"Wh0 hath sent out the wild ass free!
Or who hath loosed the bands OF the wild
ase?'
And when l WIZ speakin. and layin 1t
down ruther lively as to the strength nv
free instOoshens witch Good survive I0O
yeers, "Yes," replied that onmitigsted cuss,
Joe BIGGER. ut is q strong government.
Wen think it hez lived 100 yeers, and le
vet healthy, and remember that there hez
bin Dimocratic party at the head most NV
that time, am lost in sdmirashen At its
natural vitality. Els it hez survived 700,
and SIGH az 700, don't know nv anything
that kin hurt it. don't aespsre NV the
republic"
The niggers all laft uproorusly, and ez
We led decided not to kill any more nv EN-
till after the eleckshun, we he'd to stand
their jeers in silence. Its disgustin.
The i'm S hev bin xsn fGs the as e
Hendrix, acceptin the nominashuns. They
will wait some time yet, fancy.
! felt it to be the proper thing to DO to
accompany our noble reform candidate fer
Vice President, Hendrix, to Saratoga to
consult with our noble Reform candidate
for President, Tilden, that they might agree
ez to what they shood believe in till after
the eleckshun.
Tilden was sittin in his room, smilin,
surrounded by them eminent reformers,
John Morrissey, Boes Mclaughlin, Oakley
his reform hackers, wich 10 me- Henry Clay
Dean, Governor Allen Nv Ohio, and tioh.
My bum swelled with emoshun ez ] lcokt
over the crowd. Now" thot ], 1.-The coun-
try-snd the post0fises-are safe"
Then l was immejitly alarmed. the
mint the two great reformers met their
eyes glared and, metaforically speekin,
twolenraged buffalo bulls. We felt that 1t
was impossible for them two great intel
lecks to come together.
We begged NV EN- to be modrit, to each
concede sumthin, and agree upon some
kind nv o letter, wich would pacify the
party and keep it together and yoonite it.
/ made the Openin speech.
Gentlemen" sed l, regardin them with
stern look, afore wich they quailed,
the other out nv the party. See Mat
thew xiii, 26:
land of Satan cast out Satan he is d.
vided agin hisself; how shell his kingdom
standY
"Ef We are divided agin ourselves, and
lose this eleckshun, wat becomes Nv us? Eff
Hayes is electid kin my muskler friend,
Moorisey, the pride Nv Moo York, be Sekre-
tary nv the Treasury? Eft Hendrix goes
down kin my earthly friend, Dean, be Min
lister to England! Eff 700 both 60 under,
peter Nv Moo York, the down-trodden Con-
federates Nv the South, and the host Nv
Dimekrats wich followed the lamentld
B0okanan out nv offs, and hev been gittin
their hkker on tick ever sence9
"And wat is to become Nv met Am ! to
be defrauded ont Nv the postofis a, the
Corners becoz 700 can't agree on the cur.
rency question!
Gentlemen" I continued, with the
postofises filed with Republicans, with the
cust0mh0uses filed with Republicans, with
all the offises filled with Republicans, with
thousands of Dimekrats which won't aver
age one shirt apiece, and who hev bin wait
IN for places fifteen weary yeare-with SIGH
solid facts af0re 700, kin 700, ! AK, let
SIGH mere abstrackshens ez currency, tariff,
banks, msnufakters and trade generally
prevent yoonity Of ackshen? / can't be.
lieve it. In the interest of these sufferiu
longers for place, strike for Reform and
Victry! Make your letters Hard money or
choose-we who want the places will take
either gold or paper for our salaries-but
make it suthin we kin all agree onto, and
let us 60 in to WIN"
TilGen then remarkt that he wuz anxshus
for harmony, and Hendrix remarkt that he
wuz willin to make concessions, and tney
sot down to argoo the matter and get to an
agreement.
But wat happened?
These men both know too much. Thew
are too gifted. AfOre they he'd talked an
hour Iilden had cOnvinst Hendrix that hard
money wuz wat we must hev, and Hen.
dirk had cOnvinst Tilden that soft money
was the only practicable idee, and they
fought wuss than ever, and were wider
apart than ever.
When left the room Hendrix was a Gus.
sin Iilden for cock-eyed, softmoney re-
pOodiatOr, and Tilden wuz vigorously a
dammin Hendrix for hard. money, blostid
aristOcrat.
This is why they hewitt iehoed their let
tors Nv acceptance yet, and why they can't.
Never agin will I consent to heyiu two
men Nv talent on the same tikket,
But We needn't be afraid Nv bein short
Nv candidates. l never knOwed q Dime.
KRAFT OF any standin who ever declined
for anything.
Things are not well with us in Injeany.
The Dimekratic feeders are goin back on
Iilden terrible. Follerin the prejoodisses
NV the Dimekratic voters and thinkin more
Nv their seets in Congris than they do Nv
the success nv the COZ, they repoodiate Til.
dem 1t is ongrateful. I know NV several
reform delegates to st. Loois wich accepted
nv his money to support him in
and are now opposin NV him.
| got only $500 for my vote, but, small ez
wuz the sum, and Notwithstanding the fact
hat rvN<Na
old debts, wood be ashamed to 20 back
On the man wat paid it. Tildan maid INV