Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1876-03-18

Beecher, Shearman and the Devil.
The New York Sun has a propheti-
cal account of new parishioner at
Plymoth Church, who, in January,
1867, paid $21 900 for pew, giving his
name as Cash" He became a regu-
lar attendant and paid close and fiat
tering attention to llenry's remarks.
His conduct was so mysterious that
Bros. Beecher and Shearman resolved
to unearth the mystery. So the latter
brought gimlet and some screws one
evening, and fastened the stranger to
his pew by the hem of his garment.
Were it not we'll known that the Sun
reporters have free passes to the par
quette circle down below, the veracity
of the following repost of the interview
which took place between the trio Of
worthless might bequestioned. As it is
we must believe and tremble:
Then the stranger slowly unbuttoned
his ulster and stood up, leaving the
oyer-coat fastened to the bench by the
willy Shearman's two screws. Then he
tapped the floor triumphantly with his
cloven foot and whisked about tail
nearly as long as Mr.. Evart's speech.
Then he took off his queer shaped
skull-cap and revealed two horns as
appalling to Mr.. Beecher as the horns
of his own dilemma. Then he smiled
serenely upou the astonished pastor
and the confounded Weeper.
Gentlemen" began the no longer
nameless parishioner, 1T is a long time
since | have been a regular attendant
before at church and prayer meetings.
/ haven'texactly liked the style of pull
pit talk, you know, and Martin Luther
and Thomas Knox and some others |
might mention have used me pretty
roughly in their time. But since |
read the report of the Great Trial in
the Tribune-a paper, by the way,
which | have perused with infinite
pleasure ever since Jay Gould bought
it-I have taken strong fancy to you,
Mr.. Beecher, and to the Plymoth style
of religion. You are a manly fellow,
sir; man after my own heart, sir
Your adultery was a fine stroke, an
artistic stroke, egad. | can't show
anything prettier on my books. Your
perjury, too, was delicious. Couldn't
have done better on the witness stand
myself. | assure you it made a great
sensation in hell. 1t revived interest
there in church matters to an amazing
degree. In fact Mr.. Beecher, we got
up little church Of our own, and vo-
ted unanimously to give you a CALL
No denominational connections work
light and agreeable total freedom to
your relations no illiberal theology to
hamper you climate warm, and salary
100000 every year. I've fixed up a
nice little parsonage (unmortgaged)
for you in the cellar under the bot
tomless pit" And the devil stood
patiently awaiting an answer and
scratching his left ear with the sharp
end of his tail.
But" cried Mr.. Beecher, this is
very sudden This is very
Come !" said the delegate from be-
low, in a louder aud more authorita-
tive tone. The leonine face was very
sheeplike now.
Brother Shearman threw up a win
dow sash, jumped out, aud rushed
away in breathless haste.
Il am afraid l must Decline" said
Beecher. II fear the climate isn't
good for the hay fever"
Come !" shouted the devil third
time. you might as we'll try to row
up the Niagara in peanut she'll as to
pull against my wishes"
Meanwhile Sherman had returned
and was hourishing documents under
the DEVILS nose.
Hold onl" yelled the lawyer, you
mustn't take him. I've got an injunc-
ton here"
Not good" said Satan. Your
courts have no jurisdiction in my
case"
And I've got quo warranto writ, ;"
continued Shearman, waving a second
document.
mo Jurisdiction, l repeat" said the
devil, calmly. Il assure you upon my
professional honor, your quo warranto
won't hold water. Come Henry
Ward Beecher."
Then take me too T. exclaimed the
highly pious lawyer, his eyes brim-
ming with brine. You will not part
me from my pastor2 l love him bet
ter than aught of earth beside. Better
than my own wife-yea, than many
wives. Whittier he goest there goest
| also. Take me along with Henry
Ward Beecher."
Pardon me, " said the devil politely
but firmly. Il mean no offense, for
regard you as very valuable person
-on earth. But you are together too
watery for our latitude. l wouldn't
have you in hell at any price. You
could put out all our fires with half an
eye. Really, now, you'll have to ex-
ouse me for the present. By and by
you will be better prepared. "
Take me take me |" pleaded
Shearman, bursting into tears. You
take Henry Ward Beecher, why not
Ia ke me 2"
Excuse me-" said the devil again,
with low bow and sardonic grim
You remember what Sir Joseph
Banks remarked just after his famous
experiment with the Holsters and feas
in the kettle p
mo-" said Shearman, What was
itY
"FIeas are not Holsters, d--n their
souls, whispered the devil in low,
sweet voice as he vanished in cloud
of sulphurous smoke with Henry
Ward Reecher under his arm