The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1876-02-04

Brigham Young recently had
relapse. No danger, howeYer-he
ii sure to ewive.-fRochester DEM
ocrat.
.t0ld- Man-a-fraid-of His Wives"
is what the Indians call Brigham
Young.-f New YORK Commercial
Advertiser.
"DOn't let's have any words about
it," as the man said when he dodg-
ed the dictionary his wife threw al
Ihim.-[Danbury News.
A New Hampshire man sends
fourteen of his children TO one
school, and when they combine
against the teacher he knows he can
safely bet on the result.
General Sherman, it is intimated,
will go to Europe next year, where
he contemplates q visit to the Pope.
That will make Sherman's second
march to the See.
The most glowing passages in a
minister's sermon will attract scarce
ly half the attention that centres on
the man who blows his nose in
church, Fulton Times.
A Memphis prisoner, who hated
to see two lawyers disgrace the
courtroom by fighting, walked out,
and was unfortunate enough to get
lost. He has not been heard of since.
P. 7. Barnum had resolved to be
travelling Snowman no longer. but
when it was announced that New
Haven had a two-legged horse, his
wife had to hide his hiatt Danbury
News.
"Oh, 1 am so glad you like
birds! What kind de you most adj
mire 2" said bride to her husband.
"Ahem Well, think a good tur-
key, with plenty of seasoning, is as
nice as any" said the husband.
"Sir, you are a political thing Ia
perambulating monument of mean
Mesa bankrupt in everything but
cheek ]" "Boss, l don't understand
German. but I'll drink with you I"
The difficulty was settled on that
basis.
The printers of the Phiiadelphia
Inquirer set (not sat) up 'sThe Night
before Christmas twenty seven
years ago, and the poem has been
standing ever since, and was print
! ed in that paper from the original
types fret used in 1S4S.
Topsy's and Mrs. Woodhull's
show bills got mixed on Lockport
walls. This was the combination ::
ooh, GollY! Use so wicked"
ICTORIA G. WOODHULL
QUEEN OF THE RosTRUM.
A far West contemporary pro-
pounds the conundrum, "Can you
understand what boon we were
to this sparsely-settled region {"
''Boon-boon? No. unless it is q
bab-boon. If not, ask US something
easier.-[ Boston Commercial Bull
letin.
A officer of the regular army
laughed at q timid woman because
she was alarmed at the noise of a
cannon when a salute was fired. He
subsequently married that timid
woman, and six months afterwards
he took off his boots in the hall
when he came in late at night.
A yeungster, while warming his
hands over the kitchen fire, was re-
monstrated with by his father, who
said: "Go way from the stove, the
weather is not cold" The little fell
low, looking demurely at his stern
parent, replied: 81 amt heatin' the
weather, I am warming my hands,
A man who admitted he played
the ACCORDION, fell. into the hands OF
the court this morning, yet, for
some inexplicsble reason, the Judge
allowed the opportunity to slip
through his fingers, and gave him
but 80 days. There is such a thing
as trying the temper Of the people
too far.-BridgepOrt Standard.
Miss Ada Sweet is the United
States pension agent at Chicago
and somebody has been ungallant
enough to charge her with paying 6
regular tribute for the privilege Of
retaining her Office. This she indig-
nantly denies, and says that her po-
sition has involved her in no ex.
pense whatever, except for shot
gun and bull dog to keep off Chica-
60 widowers.-[Bro Brooklyn Argus.