St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1876-09-08
Squibs.

"a temperance ItdSht-tnltt miles OF
wafer.
Some say Saleratus will not harm the
stomach 1t is II lNe.
lhese new style of paIieIs do away
with newspaper bustlcs, and IA journal
must now run ON its merit alone.
Noticing in the sand IA foot-print
ab"nt fourteen inches long, Snooks
sighed and said That fellow Jones il
here; that's his monugram."
SAID mother to her little son
here yoIr toes are out of your stock :
i'SS again seems To me they wear ont
III hurry" Giving comicaI leer. he
SAID, "D" You know why stockings
wear out first at the toese" NO :"
"Because toes wriggle, and heelsdon't." :"
An ebony baby was brought up for
baptism III a'colored church in Green
castle. Pa. NV hat is the childs name -
asked the minister. "Thomas Ccnten-
NAL Middleton. said the mother. This
WAS to" long for the minister. 81 he alb
hievlated it in this wise Thomas 5.
Middleton, l baptize .you."
"llayes would reign like IA Caesar if
he were president" exclaimed IA demo
cratic orator in Ohio the other night.
I'VE want it tn rain like Caesar" said
ah old farmer: ''Ihe country is parched
up with democratic drought. aud 90
f"l Il regular Hayes deluge." T'otler
speaker dried up.
akIng 1t too literally Mamma (who
has been quietly watching certain sur
irPtltl"u> proceedng>) Willy. who
Helped You to all that cake : Willy
(pr"mptIN): llehben. mamma. Mann
ma (SttlnlN): Sh >h sh YOU naughty
nnA. now dare Non tell such stories
lIlN lalmt my fault if its "A tory.
ma. Didn't pa tell brggalman Eat hei-
"h helped chose Eat help zemselvese
y professor eXpo>tnlating with stu
dtnt Tor his idlencS>. when the latter
S'iu' III no use; | was cut out for a
l"nter. "Wrll." declared the profess
"r. Surveying the student critically.
whoever cut Non ont. understood his
business"
\ red nose may he produced without
drinking Intoxicating liquors. II MAY
proceed from defective circulation. or
from wearing tight collar. People
VINO happen To belong to temperance
>"cletlt>. and are nevertheless anxious
I" wear Il cheerful. rubicund apnear-
,'hct. may attain the desired end simpIy
ny wearing Il No. l5 collar on "A No. III
neck.
some of the hotels have bills of fare
WIN me i1N-lc;if covered with cards of
various business houses An Oregon
'l'"h recently took Il seat behind one of
'ntnl' "htn waiter appealed with.
Wv hat Will You have. sir ?" To the
utter confusion of the waiter. he leisure
y remarked: You may fetch me a
new set of teeth, in gntta p-rcha an
,m proved sewing machine. with patent
'"'k stitch. Il box of Brandreths pills.
ana par "tnumbrr seven French calf
skin boots" In Il moment the waiter
replied I'VE do not furnish those ar
'Iclc>. Then what have Won yot them
on The bill of fare for ," rctoIted the
customer
lhe New Haven journal and Courier
devoted IL column editorial To the task
"i proving that American women ale
ne land>omest III the world In sup
i'"il OF tins declaration, it SAYS there
are Il dozen women in New Haven as
perfectly beautiful in form. color and
feature a> any chl>elled ar painted by
me greatest masters, not excepting the
' tnllS OF Milo. and the Madonnas of
haphael. This may he true. but how
does the journal man know it
\ well tod" citizen of Detroit almost
mad the breath knocked ont of him by
I ne request of Il ragged sidewalk TRAMP.
Ni" stopped him and asked "Sir, can't
N"n lend me Sl0.OOO?" "What, Who
N" N"II. >lr No, sir. can't. sir :" ex-
claimed The citizen. "C"uldn't possibly
ii" 1t. eh 7? No. sir Tell \nu what
N"n might do. suggested the tlamp.
~ "lI might hand me fifteen cents now.
and lend me the balance when times
get Il little easier" Il cant lend Won
Il smiling. sir. or Il cent. >ir. and won't
@lNe \"u Il penny. sill" "SolrN both
"i us happen To he hard up at once"
sighed the tramp. and he continued his
walk.
Al Iowa man. who made all necessa-
~ preparations to depart for the Black
iilllS and seek his fortune. has ,bau-
d"hed the idea. He sued AN editor fo,
= 10000 damages, and WAS awarded tiv.
cents just twice aS much as h. v,uId
have made at the Black Hills.
the >tnue rn,,.h IN t,'"; t t's'''" .' i'"lh
can hnt,I ,L. ,,,,,, ''p'' VI 'he A''ie'l-
nt. riLhnn J'',a''I'',I va! Mheh piece
W '''',''r m "e.achrd Itself fl"m her bon
het aid fell int" the bottom of the car
! a"r. "l"u have left Your bow be
NINA. said Il lady passenger No. |
am he's gone a-tishing," innoc-ntly
replied rustic
write, s,,. ,h,t
rry buuJ,rJ i snIi.'., | "', ir,,!h !" eV
sion. D,nhur, h,. .',,,,,,''ii ~ "i''''. "e'"