South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-02-18

willing to hear what had to say ut
thirty-fve they asked my advice and
think when they get to be forty they
will acknowledge that the old man does
know something.
tVAn old preacher, who had several
calls to take parish, asked his servant
where he should go, and the servant
said GO where there is the most sin.
sir" The preacher concluded that il
was good advice. and went where there
was most money.
6A negro in S. Carolina, who was
complaining OF the hard times, declared
they were the hardest ever known.
"Why," said he, Il works all day and
steals all night. and yet I'm blest if i
kin make an honest living"
W"Mrs. Sage. l should like to know
whose ferry boats these are that tum.
bled over in the hall?" "Ferry.boats in
deed. sir! Those are my shoes! Very
polite ofyou to call 'em ferry-boSts.
Mrs. Sage, you misunderstood me
fairysboot, / said, my dear friend."-
Graphic.
III Arnold Scotch lady gave n pointed re-
ply to minister who knew he had often
ded her, and expressed surprise that she
should come SC regularly to hear him
preach Said she,. "My quarreps WI
You, man; its no wi the Gospel"
.V"We frequently sec it stated"
said Mr.. Goldfish, "that such and such
men started from extreme poverty, CON-
ing into town in the first place without
a farthing Of money, and rising by their
own exertions When first came had
to borrow money to get here, and Eve
been borrowing money ever since. 1t is
great thing at sixty to have establish.
cd such wonderful credit"
A MEAN MAN.-Hc was too full of
utterance," but occasionally he would
mutter something to himself when the
Squire wouldrequest him to keep quiet
but no sooner would he get through ma
King his requests than Isaac would be.
gin his mumbling. Finally the Squire
got on his dignity, end put tie follow
ing to Isaac rs q settler: Now, Isaac.
L have requested you TO keep quiet sew
eral times, and IL you open your head
again l will fine you, So for contempt OF
court and send you TO Jail fer drunken
ness This put Isaac out OF time. and
he arose from his seat, walked to the
door, stopped, and retortsd in the fol-
lowing energetic way: " Squire, if they
would stabilized You for forty years YOU
wouldn't make half as good man as
your father: i knew him, and he was
the darndest meanest man / ever did
know"
The VALUE OF EDUcATroN.-Jake
was heard calling across the fence to his
neighbor's son, colored youth who
goes to school at the Atlanta colored
university:
Look hyar, boy, you goes ter school,
don't yer?''
Yes, SIR replied the boy.
"Gittin' eddykashun, amt yer2''
Yes, sir"
"Larnin' 'rithmeticl4 and fggering' on
q slate, eh?"
Yes, sir.'
We'll, it don't take two whole DAYS
to make n hour, do it?"
IVY no. exclaimed the boy.
you was gwine ter bring dat hatchit
back in a hour, warn't yer?''
''Yes sir"
AN it's bin two days since yer Dor
rowed it. Now, what goods eddvha.
shun gwine ter do you thick.skuled mig
gers, when yer 90 to school a whole
year an den cant tell how long it takes
to fotch back hatchit?"
Tie boy got mad and slung the hatch
ct over the fence and half way through
an ash barrel.--1tio3ita Constitution.
How He Cor EvEN.-A lady in
Washington. just after the late snow.
hired colorcd nan 10 shovel the snow
off tie sidewalk in front of her dwelling,
agreeing to pay him twenty cents for
the job. ile went TO work and finished
in due time, but when he asked for his
pay, the lady decline TO give it. saving
he ought to be glad to have been able TO
do some work. Sam was nonplRssed
for a moment, but probably the idea nd
vanced by the lady. that he ought to be
glad to work, struck him rs correct. for !
he Immediately shoyeled all snow back
upon the pavement. and then went Off
with the air Of man who is conscious
OF having performed righteous act.
t.V'A hater of tobacco asked an old
negro woman. the fumes or whose pipe
were annoying to him. If che thought T.
she was a Oh .istian?
"Ycs, brudder spects is"
DO You believe in the Bible 2"
Eyes. bruddcr :"
EDO YOU know that there is passage
IN the Scriptures which says that moth. /.
ing unclean shall inherit the kingdom Of
heaven ?'
"les, I've heard OF it,"
We'll, Chloe you smoke, and YOU
can not enter the kingdom Of heaven. /
because there 10 nothing 50 unclean rs /
the breath Of smoker. What do You
say 90 that 2"
"Why, 'spects 10 leave my breT be. /.
Ifv1 rvlot, 4 frr, i