The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-11-10
FACTS AND FANCAS.


A Troy woman says Il deaih loves a
shining mark, it is -inguilr tnat he has
not aimed at her husbands noe b. ore
this.
BEFORE her departure for Europe. the
highest remuneration received by Adelina
= Patti was fifty dollars a night. Straknsch
says her price for America now i - 600
a night.
WENDELL PHLnPs told the woman
suffrage meeting a Faueui hall that
70 seven tenths Of the husbands are rauds.
Q He didn't say what /tha other three
d tenths are, and nobody bud tie courage
q to ask him.
" WISH you would pay little atten
tion TO what / am saying. sir" reared
lawyer at an exasperating witness.
am paying as little as l can, was the
calm reply.
SAID fancy farmer to some guests at
his country seat on the Hudson: VIII
you have milk or champagne, my
friends ?" adding somewhat sadly, one
costs as much as the other"
DIoGENEs being a.ked, 4" Tie biting
of which beast is the most dangerous ?"
answered 4" If you mean wild beasts,
tits the slanderer; if tame ones, the fat
terer."
AN Illinois minister announced on his
| Sunday bulletin. "The funeral Of Ju-
das Iscariot" To which an obliging fel-
low added, friends of the deceased are
cordially invited"
A CoNTENTED mind is the greatest
| blessing a man can enjoy in this world
if in the present life his Happiness arises
from the subduing Of his desires, It viii
arise in the next from the qualification OF
| them.-AddiSOn.
"ANY children =" said the proprietor
of the house, a gaunt, harsh woman,
with voice you could CRATE nutmeg
on, to the proposing tenant of ler build
| ing. Yes, ma'am, meekly replied the
| tenant, but, il you desire it, OF course
can drown them"
A POOR soldier, whose person is sup
ported by two wooden legs, was met by
friend who thus accosted him: My
dear fellow, congratulate you upon
having two wooden legs" Why so2"
said the veteran. =" Because you can
never catch cold in your feet
THE Indicative mood, present tense of
the verb to 20, should now be rendered
thus: | go to Philadelphia; you go to
Philadelphia; he goes TO Philadelphia:
we 60 to Philadelphia; you go to Phila-
delphia they all 60 TO Philadelphia
Buffalo Cou-ier.
A DOCTOR II Ireland wa disturbed in
the night by a rapping on the door, and,
opening it, found 4 laboring man who
had come for him. Have you been
long here 8" asked the doctor. " Tndade
l have " answered Pat But "och,
because / was afraid Of disturbing your
honor"
A DOWN town barkeeper has invented
a patent free lunch counter. 1t is ar
ranged so that when the wanderer bum
mer has eaten six pieces OF cheese, three
crackers and two pickles, and he attacks
the baked beans, giant fish descends
from the ceiling and "bonnets' him,
while a gigantic foot springs from the
wall and kicks him into the street.
TALK to the point. and stop when you
have reached it. The faculty some have
for making one idea cover a quire of
paper is not good for much. BE compre-
hensive in all you cay or write To fill
a volume upon nothing is a credit TO no.
body, though Lord Chesterfield wrote n
very clever poem upon nothing.-John
Neal
AN editor is described as man who
is liable to grammatical bluEders, typo
graphical errors. and lapse of memory,
and has twenty-five thousand people
watching him tripping-a man OF sorrow
and acquainted with Tioi, poorly paid
poorly estimated, yet envied by SOME Of
the great men he has madc.-NcW Or
teams Bulletin.
"I ALWAYS did love to gaze on the
children in their sports, -" said Potter, as
he. e.pensively contemplated Il crowd Of
urchins. Pm carried back To-"
Just then the base ball came over his
way and tried to get in his vest pocket,
came back he shouted: You young
you, if catch you playing
ball on the street again I'll get the police
after you" And he moved away and
forgot all about his youthful days.
Norwich Bulletin: One of the maga-
zine writers asks: "Did you ever hide
some sacred thought beneath your pillow
and weave a web of tender hope about
We never did, and we doubt if
my one else ever did. In the first place
most people never hide anything beneath
heir pillow unless it is a handkerchief
when they have q cold, and then, if it is
under the pillow, how are you going TO
weave anything around it without lift
ing the pillow up? The magazinists
seems to be asking very foolish questions.
THE debt of New York increases at
he rate Of a million a month. This in
.rease is not offset by any corresponding
Dayments of maturing liabilities, and
nothing can be more evident than
mat, in the course Of time, absolutely
bankruptcy must ensue. New York has,
t is true, been subjected to unusual
strains and her debt is exceptionally
arge. But other cities are increasing
heir debts after the same fashion, and
he subject is one which ought 10 engage
more attention on the part Of municipal
lond holders than it has yet attracted.
# this kind of thing goes on, the choice
must eventually lie between repudiation
md utter loss of credit.
A Boys way of stating things, though
,ften inelegant, is generally nervous.
Example: A lad at Easten, Pennsyl-
yania, entered n drug store, bottle in
land, and said he wanted ten cents
worth of " armakymony." The druggist
old him to repeat the word, and said,
Don't you mean arnica, or ammonia "
{ I dunno" WAS the reply. What is il
or ?"-asked the druggist. Can't tell"
aid the boy, starting slowly ont. When
lear the door a bright idea illumined
lim. and he turned and asked the drug
,ist : off your wife hit you on the
lead with a chair leg, which Of them
medicines would you git 10 take the
weIlin' down ?" Z" Arnica." " Then
i'll her in ten cents WORTH" replied the
BOY; and he gazed lovingly at the big
tick of licorice as the arnica was being
,ottled.
A PRIEST was hearing confession, and
boy came to him and said he had bad
in on his mind. Well, my good boy,
ome on wild it," said his reverence.
Augh, then, your reverence, l do be
lways sayin' Be the Holy Father"
You do that's very bad, me boy.
Vow, how often do you be sayin that?"
Begor, more than forty times a day,
our reverence" " Go nome now" said
he priest, "and get your sister TO make
ou a bag and hang it round your neck,
nd ever time you say, Be the Holy
'ather,' drop little stone in, and come
0 me this day week" That day week
is reverence was as usual in his box,