The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-07-20
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
MOVING for new trial-Courting a
second wife.
A MAN armed to the teeth must have q
short neck for rope.
WHAT would all fain have and MANY
feign to have Money.
How to violate the tenth command
ment in two letters-NV.
A MASSACHUSETTS matron, in taking
leave of her newly-married daughter,
said: " Remember, Lucy, that the first
principle In cleaning house is to make
everybody as uncomfortable as pos
sible."
REVEREND gentleman (much excited)
-''Now, just look at this coat Do you
call it good fit? The fact is you can't
cut coat!" Tailor (whose dignity is
touched "Sir, if you could preach
sermon as well as I can cut coat you
would have been Bishop before nowl
AN lrishman went to the theater for
the first time. Just as the curtain de-
scended on the first act, an engine in
the basement exploded and he was blown
through the roof, coming down in the
next street. After coming to his senses
he asked, can what piece do yez play
mkt"
"HonD your horse, sir?" said red
haired boy to man who drove up in
front of house. "No," replied the
man, 81 have boy here ;" and he took
a weight from the cart and fastened it 10
the steed. 81 meant, hold him up"
screamed the disappointed youth as he
ran off.
WHEN you reflect that at picnics
a hundred years ago it was the custom
for the girls to stand up in Tow and
let the men kiss them all good-by, all
this enthusiasm about national progress
seems to be grave mistake. -NoraOicb
Bulletin.
THERE is a machinein Machinery Hall,
at the Centennial, that manufactures a
type, polishes it, and sets it in a COM
posing stick. But as it can't jeff for the
comes into the composing-room to prac-
tice whistling, it is considered failure
as type-setting machine.
THERE is no warm glow of sympathy
for the gas man in the bosom of the
Brooklyn argus scribe "'Give that
man front fue,' yelled Beelzebub, as a
terrified parsonage with the image of
gas-meter branded on his forehead slid
through the coal-hole into Hades. He
was Director in Brooklyn gas COM
pany."
AS WE were passing through Irish
Flats this morning, on our way to town,
we heard some loud talk in the back
yard of house. A loud but deep voice
said: "Where did you put the hoe
saw you wid?" "It's gone intirely fey
ther." "Thin TIL break iviry bone in
your body wild it if you don't find it. -
San antonio Herald.
A GENTLEMAN afflicted with an impedi-
ment in his speech took dinner at a
tavern, and calling to waiter addressed
him thus : "We-w-waiter, 81. give me
s-s-some r-roast b-b-beef." The waiter
stammered out in reply: "W-w-we
a-a-ain't g-g-got any," At which the
gentleman, highly enraged, sprang from
his seat, and was proceeding to knock
him down, when a third person arrested
his arm and cried to him not to strike,
saying "He SIS stammers, SESAME as
wye dido !"
The following ancient oddly will bear
re-reading
The brewers should to Malta go,
The Boobies all to Scilly,
The Quakers to the Friendly Isles,
The furriers TO Chill.
The little snarling, caroling babes,
That break our nightly rest
Should be packed off to Babylon,
To Lapland or to Brest.
From Spithead cooks go DER to Greece,
And while the miser waits
His passage to the Guinea coast,
Spendthrifts IN the Straits,
Spinsters should to the Needles go,
Wine-bibbers to Burgundy,
Commands should lunch at Sandwich Isles,
Ways at the Bay of Fundy-
Bachelors to the United States,
Maids to the Isle of Man.
Let gardeners go to Botany Bay,
And shoeblacks to Japan
Thus emigrate-and misplaced men
Will then no longer US,
And all who amt provided for
Had better go to Texas.