The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1876-01-26
MIRO. Bumaoll and tho Tramp.
[From tho Chicago Tribunc.]

[From tho Chicago Tribunc.l n
Mr.. Philandcr. Bumzell resides
at Rogers Park. Ho is very fond
Of playing, practical Jokes. ) All
Summer lie, Has, been amiably en-
tertaining his wife, who is q timid
and does not keep Il servant, with
tramp.literature, and instructing
her what, to do ia case one of tho
fraternity should call at tho house
during his absence. $500, L1
cinda," no would say, eff one of
them tra,nps comes to tho house'n
and carries on rough, just You say
you'll set the big dog on hun, and
if ho don't get up and got, just yo,,
yell out 'philander 7 Philandor !!
or say sic him, Towsor." Don't
be scared, Lucinda, don't be
scared"
IT occurred to Mr.. Bumzell it
would be we'll to test his wife, and
SEQ if she was rs efficient in prac-
ticc MS she claimed to bo theoretic
ally, SO yesterday ho told her he
had to go to Milwaukee, and
wouldn't be home till late. Then
he scunningly disguised himself as q
vaeron1 man with somo false hair,
and hair dye. and a suit of ragged
clothes, and e, about half-past 10
o'clock he walked around ia his
own kitchen door l{c found it
unlocked, and walking into the
kitchen was surprised to find that
his wife was not there. "Just like
these wo,nen," he growled "a man
might come in here md carry of
the whole house out Of the door,
and that stupid woman'd never
know it. Won't have tho joke on
Lucinda, though !" he said in rapt>
urc, as he pocketed the spoons and
forks. At this moment the door
opened, and Mrs. Bumzcll enter.
Sho gavo Il shrick, and seemed
surprised, and then said family {:
"What do you want, sir q
Then the assumed tramp re-
piled g Il want some hot dinner,
and suit of clothes, and any
money OF plate you may have in the
house, and II kiss"
$50 way. you bud man," replied
tho virtuous matron; ego way or
l will set the big dog on you, end
Bosun is awful force. Hn bit q
man larger than you Oh Tuesday,"
she added.
"Ha la y laughed the tramp,
"that is too thin. You've no dog !;
you a;n't got III ounce of sausage
meat on the place" ...
"If you don'a keep quiet" said
Mrs. Bumzell, ell call my husband,
you bad man. Here Fred Fred /"
sho shriekcd rs the tramp seized a
napkin<ring.
"Yoll away" said no with a mock
ing laugh "Your husband amt
here, and lis namo amt Fred
other"
"Hc isn Ia isn't ho ? 1t amt,
amt it 2" ejncEulatod "A big, red
headed man whom Mr.. R,tmzcll had
never seen before, as he bounced
in his shirt sleeves from an inner
room, "Iot internal scoundrel !"
he cried, us he with II fearful kick,
he lifted Mr.. Bumzell like mete-
or out of the door into tho swill
barrel. Ill toach you to insult
my wife !" and ho hauled Mr..
Bumaell out by the neck and
swabbcd tho coal heap with him.
"You thought I wasn't ins oh 2"
md he knocked Mr.. Bumaells two
cyos into one. hadn't got no
dog. neither? ? Here, Ncro-sook y
and big bull dog. with tail like
n piece of macaroni, dropped his
,wcr- jaw like the tail board Of coal.
cart, and applied himself to the
slack Of Mr.. Bumzclrs pantaloons.
eli Mercy! I surrender
Don't shoot Fire Polico ! Here's
yor morning papers ! Lucinda !
Tn Bumzcll !" yelled tho nnfortu-
nate man.
After some difficulty, they re-
covered IL largo per centage of him
from tho dog, and put it to bed
where it was identified rs the
property of Philandor Bumzell, of
Rogers Park. 1t subsequently
transpirod that Mrs. Bumzells
brother, !, Frederick, had arrived
from st. Louis as hor husband loft
for Milwaukee,, " "AUOE3E
+, .,.. .- -L..----..-.sss.---------.'r " "
',,.. g.... ... . ~
A RouaH JOKE ON A LovER.---Tho