The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-01-20
WHOLE NO. 1896.
Miscellaneous

Why is u no crime 10 pick chrome
agents Pooketf Because he has P'es-
uros.
Why Il your wifo like dynamite1 BE.
cause shes apt 10 blow you up u harshly
handled
A good many New Workers leave The
straight and narrow path 10 walk In the
Broadway.
Are your words Of more weight when
you pro-roUxp anything than when you
ann-orxcE it4
Ludlow Street Jril used 20 be tho
Boss" jail Of the county, but that man
has hsd-and 20 has the Boss"
A Polish dancing master committed
suicide in Eric. Pa. the other day. Ho
sehottisoh own head or
Search the riveri Perhaps Mr.. Tueod
has fallen into H. Do II az once Do Il
before the old chap has a chance 10 be
bailed out
when California woman defeated =
lion in a hand to-hAnd combat the neigh.
bors were greatly astonished. but her
husband quietly remarked. "Oh. that's
nothing. That woman could lick the
devil
A middleaged gentleman. deeply In.
tereatod IN tho Centennial. asked a miss
Of sweet sixteen n shc knew what impor.
tant event 1870 would be noted for. aud
she responded. Leap yoar."
A young woman Of Pokin. m. wAa
asked by her minister II her husband
feared the Lord. She replied. Pear
him Bless you. he is 90 afraid Of him
that he never goes out Of Sunday with
out taking his gun along
The Dansville Advertiser says that the
copy turned out By a certain country
editor (whoae name is suppressed from
consideration for his family resembles
the tracings Of a eorn.marker behind
runaway horse"
some day In tho distant future the lit.
tie niggcr In the barber shop who silent.
ly holds out his hand for ten cents for
striking mans nose with his brush
broom will be laid away 70 rcat aud cat
nip planted 10 hide the spot
The excuse Of the third man" said
Mr. Moody. illustrating the parable Of
the guests who we're backward Ia coming
forward. was more absurd than any-I
have married q wife. and therefore can
not come" Nov. Why didn't ho take
bis wife along with him"
The Rev. Mr shipman. of Norwich.
aays that he was once called 20 marry a
man who was 10 be united 10 bis fourth
wife. Az he approached the couple ho
said. a. usual, Please rise" The man
ddgoted about on his chair. and finally
remarked. We've usually sot"
II has been custom In the Aslor fam.
ily. an exchange says. % deposit 10000
In tho bank AZ the birth of q aon or
daughter. That's sensible. No really
we'll regulated family should neglect 20
take She hint, and do likewife.
Ia Is not always prudent 10 drop into
French. Up town. the other night, a
lady spoke 70 q young man Of "dcrnier
resaort," and he thought she wAa swear
ing at him. and went out and shsarcd his
locks all he was bald enough 10 use
towel for hair brush
What siae do you wear, airf blaRdly
inquired the halter. Il think. said tho
customer. about -" Just then In
backing toward the mirror he stepped on
a piece Of orange peel and sat down aud.
denly-"about q cap siEo. ! think"
The Boston sunday Courier notes tho
following scene ia a Mount Pleasant
car
corpulent Tcutonic Dame (in a high
key-"Meeshdcr Condugdor. ven ! wants
10 got owet, dots Dover street" (sen-
sation.)
A Danbury man, wishing 10 engage
several bushels of potatoes from a party
In the suburbs. asked q naiFhbor what
sort Of a man ho Was well said the
conscientious noighbor. n don't know
veryimuch about him, but should think
he would make tp.top stranger.
You mean olastios. replied Broad.
way clerk 10 an old lady who asked for
gartcra. Il suppose some high.nosed
people call 'cm 'lasticks. she said. hut
when I git too stuck up 10 ask for GER
tora, III not box my Susans ears ioF say
ing hose when she means stockinr"
She got her gariors.
young clergyman whose reputation
for veracity Was none Of tho best. ven
turcd 10 differ from an old doctor of al.
vinity a. 10 the propriety Of whipping
children. Why, said he. "the only
time my father whipped mo waa for tell.
ing the truth" We'll. rotortcd the doc
tor. ''it cured you Of u. didn't a."
The officers OF the 5. p. g. A. have ar
rested q man who had such new and en-
tirely original ideas about animal sua.
tenance that ho tried 10 fatten bis horse
during several days on splinters from
wooden trough 10 was = very nice
trough. but somehow tho horse didn't
fatton worth n cent
lie had made hearty meal AZ rcs-
taurant, aud, rising up. he said 10 the
cashier. Il declare. II I haven't forgot
ten my wallet" Tho cashier fred up,
aud hurled big words AZ him for fall
three minutes before pausinE for breath.
when a chance came the stranger con.
.inued. But have sf'y dollars here
In my vest pocket The cashier
eouldn't smile 20 save him.
A man whom DR. Chalmers engaged 70
manage a disorderly Sunday school kept
his eyes wide open during prayer. aud
when ono boy thrust a pin into another.
be marched up the aisle. stiil praying.
and cufFcd that boys ears. aud went back
again, praying ell the way. After that
be was master of tho situation. for the
boys thought that a man who could
watch and pray like that could not 30
put down.
4 Chinese cook. with q butchers
hatchet AZ sharp as a razor, viii. in ton
I seconds. thoroughly bone and skin Cab,
. 90 that not particle is wasted. lie viii
I give you an unbrokcn orange full Of ten
| different kinds Of Jelly. A Chinese aero
/ bat IL the only man who can fall from a
\ trapsEs plump on the top Of his head
and laugh AZ you Yet there IL Law
iorbiddinF Cinnamon 10 carry their baak.