davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A young man in western Wisconsin, who
who was about to be MARI ed the other day,
suddenly remembered that he hadn't fed his
horse. and the ceremony had to wait until
the horse had been cared for. He explained
that good horse couldn't be found every
day, while thirteen different girls wanted to
marry him.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

"Are you fond of Hogg's Tales ~ asked a
city lady of her country lover. "Yes, like
them roasted with salt on them,' was the
response. "No, mean have you read Hogg's
Tales, ?" "No, our hogs are white and black
I don't think there's red one among
them -
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A prominent clergyman of Brooklyn last
week, while taking one of course OF box
ing lessons for exercise, received what the
boys call Jolly black eye On Sunday
he chose his text from Timothy, 4th chapter
and 9TH verse: 'l have fought good fight,
| have finished my course"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
VEG ETIN E
V E O e l l N E
Pnrincs the Bloc !. ROnoyates aud Iuyigorates the
whole System.
Its Medical Properties are
ALTERNATIVE, TONIC, SOLVENT AND
DIURETIC.

Veqetine H. made evcu3lvely from the juice of
carefully selected barks, roots and herbs, and 80
strongly concentrated, that IL WIN efectualy eraul-
rate from the system every tant Of Scrofula Scionl-
lOus lIumOr, TumOrs, Cancer, CancerOuS lium0r,
FrNslpeas salt lheum, Syphilltic Diseases Fanker,
Faintness at the stomach and all diseases that arise
from impure blood. SCiatlea Iniiamnatory and
Chronic Rheumatism, Neuralgia GOut and Spinal
Complaints, can only be ,enectually cured through
the blood.
ules Pimples, Blotches, Bos, Tetter scaldhead and
Ringworm Vegetne has never failed to enect a
permanent cure.
For Paths In the Pack, kidney Complaints, propsy,
Female Weakness Loucofrhten, arising from inter.
nal ulcerAtion, AMI uterine diseases and General
Debility vegetlne acts directly upon the causes oi
these complaints. II invl90raies and strengthens
the whole system, acts upon the seoretiVe organs
Allays Inflammation ouros liberation ana regulates
the bowels,
For Catarrh. dyspepsia, I0bituo Consttveness
raptation u the Heart, Headache, Piles, Nervous
ness ana General Pr0stratOn OF the Nervous system
no medicine has ever given such perfect satisfaction
as the Vegetne. II puIttcs the blood, clcanseS al
OF the organs. and possesses u controlling power
over the nervous system.
The remarkable cures effected by vegctlnc have
induced manv physicians and apOthccarieS whom
zee know to prescribe and use IL In their own
families.
In ct VcgCtine * the best remedy yet discovered
Tor tn above dis and Is the ONLY reliable BlOOl
PURIFIER yet placed before the public.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

"What beats good cup of coffee 7" said
Mrs. Spilkins to her husband the other morn
ing at the breakfast table. He gave it up.
"Two cups of coffee" she said. "What beats
good wife ?" queried Splinkins. She gave
it up. "Two good wives, y said splinkins,
and then she got mad and skulked, nobody
knew why.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A story is told of Martin Van Ruren, that
when candidate for ofiice-as he frequently
was-he once found his wife weeping over a
bitter personal attack upon him in one OF
the newspapers. "Why, my DEAR" said the
willy sage OF Kinderhook, 81 paid 800 to
have that printed"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
PREPARED BY
II. X. STEVENS Boston, Mass

What Is yegetlne 7-Tt Is a compound extr cted
from the burks, roots and herbs. It Is Natures
Remedy 1t Is perfectly harmless from any bad
effect upon the system. II is nourishing aud
strengthening. 1t acts directly upon the bleod II
sleep at night II Is great panacea for our aged
fathers and mothers for 1t gives them strength
uuies their nerves, and gives them Natures sweet
Sleep.-as has been proved by many an aged person
II is the great Blood Purifier. 1t is soothing rene
dy for our children. II has relieved and cured
thousands II is very pleasant to take every child
likes 1t. II relieves and cures all diseases original
ing from impure blood. Try the Negetne. Give |,
fair trial your complaints then YOU will say t
yonr friend, neighbor and acquaintance, "iry 1t II
has cured me-"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

He entered car door. When the brake
man came inside and took key out Of his
pocket, unlocked the stove, put in some
wood and locked the door again, he asked
him what he locked the stove door for. The
brakeman shut his left eye, and said he
locked the door so the fire couldn't go out.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

When Mark Anthony threw himself upon
the ''dear remains" of his loved Cesar in a
Pittsburgh theatre the other evening, he
struck the "corpse" fair in the stomach,
which had the effect of doubling it up with n
grunt that rather detracted from the solem-
nifty of the occasion. .e
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A young clergyman whose reputation for
yeracity was none of the best, ventured to
differ with an old doctor of divinity as to the
propriety of whipping children said: "Why
the only time my father whipped me was fo'
telling the TRUTH Well,' retorted the doc
tor, at cured you of it, didn't it %
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A milkman was lately seeking the aid Of
the police to trace the whereabouts Of Il fam
lily who had left the neighborhood owing
him eighteen shillings. swell, suppose
there was nine shillings worth of water in
that milk account" remarked the Inspector.
"Thats where it gals me-thats where il
hurts !" replied the dealer "They were
new customers, aud hadn't commenced to
waiter their milk vet"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Two sparks from London once came upon
decent looking shepherd in Argyleshire,
aud accOsted him with "YOu have n very
fine view here, you can see great way"
"Hu aye, yu very great way. All yHn
you can see America here. suppose 2''
'Farrer than that" How is ihatg "No jisl
vii tale the Anis,s gang ava, and yoa'll see
The mnne,"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Some people seem to be extremely sensl'
tive. At a church recently the minister read
the prayer for person in deep atlliction,
and a man who had just been married got W
aud went out. He said he didn't want pub.
lie sympathy obtruded on him in that way.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Everything is Centennial, red-white-and-
blue, or star spapgled banner. Maria, "
screams Flora McFlimsey, "hand me down
that Centennial pink silk of mine, that with
the revolutionary bias cut on the John Quin-
cy Adams rufiie."
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

An old chap seventy-ninc years old is 60
ing to school in the interior. He didn't
think much of school until lightning-rod
man made him belive that five times six
were filty.fve.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

An Illinois minister announced on his
SUNDAY nieht Bulletin: "The funeral Of Ju'
das Iscariot." To which an obliging fellow
added. "Friends Of the deceased are cor
daily invited"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
HOMESTEAD $40
SEWING
$40 MACHINE
For Domestic Use.
With Table and Fixtures Complete,
nnlu 500.

perfect and unequalled large, strong and dura-
hle machine, constructed elegant ana solid from Tue
best material with mathematical precision Tor con-
stant family use or manufacturing purposes. AL
Ways ready at u moments notice TO do It's days
work. never out OF order, and VIII last generation
with moderate care; easy 10 understand aud man
age; light smooth, and swirl running like The well
regulated movement OF line watch; simple com
pact efficient and rela0 with all the improvements
TO be found in the highest priced machines, warrant
ed TO do the same work. the same way, ana as rapid
and smooth us Il SO machine. An acknowledged trl-
umph OF ingenious mechanical skill, essentially the
working wOinans friend, and lar IN advance uf all
ordinary machines lUr absolute Su ength, reliability
and general useGulntSsi VIII hem, FELL tuck, seam
guilt, bind, braid, cord, gather rulle, shirr, plAt,
rOld scallop roll, einbrOder run up breadtls, &c
with wonderful rapdty neatuess aud ease, ,Sews the
strongest lasting stitch equally ilne and smooth
through all kinds OF goods, from cambric to several
coarse cotton, inen silk or twine. Gives perfect
satisfaction. Nll earn It's cost several times over In
n season IN the work II does, Or make good living
for any man Or woman who desires TO use II Tor that
purpose; works 80 faithful and easy the servants
or children can use II without damage Price OF ma
chime with Hight table, fully equipped for family Work
SO llaf CASE cover side drawers and cabinet stS rs
| each at cnlespOndngly low rates, safe delivery
| guaranteed Iree fTOm damage. Explanatory pam
| phets Illustrated with engraylngs Or the several
SN les OF nuchlneS references, variety OF sewing Rc
II allied iree Confidential terms with liberal Induce
monts 10 cnterprlsng cleTgymun teachers, business
| men, travelling or local agents, &C who desire oX
elusive agencies, furnished ON application. Address
| John IL. kehdull Co., $50 broadway, New York.
| May 5,TG-l2m
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Elderly agriculturist to season ticket hold
er in the train "You don't have no tick
et?" "No, travel ON my good looks p
Then" after looking him over, probably
you amt going very far !" General smile.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

female teacher in Maine recently at.
tempted to chastise boy, when he turned
upon and stabbed her with gmlet. She
has quit teaching since it has become such Il
b ore To her.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

4 western editor met well educated
farmer recently, and informed him that he
would like to have something from his pen.
The farmer sent him pig and charged him
SO rs for it,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

HEAvEs IN HoRsEs.--rhe following is a
good remedy for heayes and cough in hor'
ses One pound of ground ginger, one quart
of salt, four ounces hard wood ashes, two
ounces Of black pepper, and one ounce of
pounded ro.iD and saltpetre. Mix thorough
ly and give tablesoonlul in the horses feed
twice day. This compound is beneficial in
all cases Of officially in breathing before the
animals lungs become affected,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

v"Suppose should work myself up to the
interrogation point p" said beau to his
sweetheart. II should respond with an ex
clamation," was the reply.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A gentleman wishing TO ''pop the qucs-
ton" took up the young lady's cat and said ,
pussy may have your mistress ?" 1t was
answered by the lady, "say yes, pussy"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Professor of Astronomy (haying called the
name of a student who has been absent from
several recitations-"Is G-- sick?' Class
mate (sotto voce)-"Yes, sick of astron-
Omy ln
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

are run on all through trains of this road
This is the ONLY LINE running these cars be-
tween Chicago and st. Paul, Chicago and Milwaukee,
or Chicago and Wlhona.
At Omaha our SleenCTS connect with the overland
slecpcrs on the Union Pacific Railroad for all points
west of the Missouri river.
ON the arrival of the trains from the east or south,
the trains Of the Chicago North-V VeStern Hallway
leave Chicago as follows
For CoUNClL BLUFFS, OMAHA AND CALIFORNIA, Two
through trains daily, with Pullman palace drawing
room and sleeping cars through to Council Bluffs.
FOR ST PAUL AND MINNEAFOIIS, two through trains
daily, with Pullman palace cars attached 10 bOth
trains
For GREEN BAY AND LAKE SUPERIOR, two trains
daily, with Pullman palace cars attached and run
ming through TO Marquette.
FOR MILWAUKEE, four through trains daily, Pull
man cars on night trains, parlor chair cars on day
trains.
FoR SPARTA AND WINoNA and points in Minnesota,
one through train daily with Pullman sleepers TO
WinOna
For DUBUQUE, via Freeport, two through trains
daily with Pullman cars on night trains.
For DUBUQUE AND LA CROSSE, via CLINTON, Two
through trains daily, with Pullman cars on night
train to MCGrcgOr, Iowa.
FoR SIOUX CITY AND YANKTON, two trains daily Pull
man cars to Missouri Valley Junction.
For LAKE GENEVA, four trains daily.
FOR ROCKFORD STERLING, kENOSHA, EVANSVILLE,
and other pOintSyou can have from TWO 10 ten Trains
daily.
| New York office, No 415 Broadway; Boston office,
3 State Street; omaha uiilCe, 253 Farnham street,
san Francisco office, III Montgomery street; Chca-
90 ticket Offices: 90 Clark street, under sherman
House; corner Canal and Madison Streets; kinZle
Wells street depot, corner Wells and Kinzie streets.
For rates information not attalnaDle rom your
home ticket agents, apply 10
w. II. srENNETT, MARVIN IIuGuITT,
| Gen. Pass. Ag't, Chicago. Gen. Supt Chicago
| Feb. 4,'T6-ly
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

No young man should think Of sending
poetry to publisher without sending the
names of a few new subscribers as an atone
npnt H.r.H ' .|
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Topic : Geological discussion pal-
"Was il colder or warmer "A hundred years
ago than at present Pupil honestly
don't recollect sir"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

Judge-"Have you anything to offer to
the court before sentence is passed on you %
prisoner-"No, jadge, had so but the
LAWYERS took that"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

\ Detroit young lady, when chded by her
parent for jumping over fence, wanted to
know if this was not leap yeur.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
Humorous.

1t has been cipbered out that there are
twelve times as many women as men III
Heaven.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A modern essayist defines gossip to be the
putting of two and two together and max
ing five of them"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

An old maid speaking of marriage, says it
is like any other disease---while there's life
there's hope.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

A few davs ago jury in the Nestern wilds
gave the following verdict in a case Of sui.
eide, awe find the deceased was Il TOOL"
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
PENNSYLVANIA RAIL ROAD:
Philadelphia 4 Erie X. Il. Division.
SUMNER TIME TABLE.

ON and after SUNDAY, APR. 90, 1876,
~ the trains on the Philadelphia Erie Rail
Road Division will run as follows:
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
VALUABLE INFORMATION.

BOSTON Dec. 12, 1869.
Gentlemcn-Ny only object in giving you this
testimonial is to spread valuable Information. Paw
ing been badly afflicted with Salt Rhenln, and the
whole surface OF my skin being covered with pimp-
les and eruptions, many OF which caused me great
pain and annoyance, and knowing II TO be blood
disease, took many Of the advertised blood pre-
paratlOns, among which was any quantity OF Sarsa-
parla, without obtaining any benefit until COM
menced taking the Negetine, and before had COM
pleted the first bottle saw that had got the right
medicine. Consequently, followed on with 1t until
had taken seven bottles, when was pronounced q
well man, and my skin is smooth and entirely free
from pimples and eruptons ] have never enjoyed
good health before and attribute 1t all to the
use OF Vegetne. 10 benefit those afflicted with
Rheumatism, viii make mention also Of the Vege-
tines wonderful, power OF curing me OF this acute
complaint, OF which have suffered so intensely.
c. ii. TUCKER, Pas Ag't Mich. @. r. r.,
" Washington Street, Boston.
Vegetine is Sold by all Druggists
June Sim,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
Pullman Palace Cars

Is the old Lake Shore Route, and is the OILY one
passing through Evanston, Lake Forest, Highland
Park, Waukegan, Racine, Kenusha to Milwaukee,.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

COOP FARM RoADs.-lt is much cheap
er and more pleasant for farmers to have good
roads on the place than bad ones. Teams
can haul larger loads, with more safety and
comfort, over good roads, from the distant
fields and the wood lots, than if there be no
roads. Let the stone and roots be gotten
out of the way, the rough places be smooth
ed down, holes filled up, soft places hardened
with stones and solid earth, and the teams
will haul enough more with less breakage,
in single year, to pay the trouble Of making
a good road And besides the farm looks
better; there is more pleasure and less vex.
alton in the work to both man and team
Horses and oxen are so bothered and vexed
by the cart or wagon getting into hole, ol
in the mud where they could not haul out
and then whipped and scolded till they lost
ali courage and kindness and became baulky
confirmed in the habit, 50 that ever after
ward they would not draw loads out of diffi
cult places-all from bad roads on the farm
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
p PATEN rs.

Persons deserng to take out Patents, or desiring
lnformatl on nom the United states Patent once,
should consult u. A. LEIIMANN, SOLICITOR or ANERI-
CAN AND FoREIGs PATENTS, Washington, ID. @. Ex-
amnatons free, NO PATENT No PAY. Send for
Circular.
June ., .Td.-lm.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

1t is stated as fact for farmers that seed
Of a sunhower il the best remedy ever dis
covered for the speedy cure of founder in
horses. Immediately on discovering that
young horses are 6undered, work about II
pint of the whole seed into his food. and it
will work perfect cure.
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

WORMS ON GRAPEyINEs.-If the worms
are slightly hairy, cream colored, spotted
with black and marked with orange along
the sides, forming loop in walking, syringe
the vines with ammonical liquor diluted with
water. BY experiment on some useless plant
with tender foliage, ascertain the least
amount of dilution which viii not prove r-
furious 10 the vines. If the worms are of Il
hluish green color, dotted with black tuber-
cles, have ten legs, are about an inch long
and form loop in walking, dust with hele
bore powder or with lime. Scatter newly
Stacked lsne arocnd the vines when thu
worms drop. Otherwise syringe the vine
aud dust with lime, or syringe with lime
water. A single pair of sparrows , it is cal
culatcd, will destroy 5000 worms wee!'
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30

vegetlne fer the complaints for which 1t is recon-
mended. Is having larger sale throughout the
United States than any otner one medicine. why
Vegetiue Will cure these complaints,
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
N AND DEMOCRAT, BLOOMSBURG, COLUMBIA COUNTY, PA
VULCAN IRON WORKS

DANvILLE, MoNToUR COUNTY, PA.
VIZ LILLIAN II. LAW, Manufacturer Of
w wrought Iron Bridges, Boilers, Gashoder,
Freproof buildings, Wrought Iron Roofing, Roonng
Frames Flooring and Doors, Farm Gates ana Fenc-
ng also Wrought Iron Piping stacks and all kinds
Of SMITH Work, &C. Repairs promptly attended To
N. B.-Drawings and Estimates supplied.
oct. s. lS7b-u
The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1876-06-30
ErcepOrt and Dubuque Line

Is the only route for Elgn Rockford Freeport, ant
all poll Is via Freeport. Its
Chicago nnd milwaukee Line
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1876-12-06

The most lovable heart is that which loves
the most readily but that which easily loves
also easily forgets. Goethe.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1876-12-06

Most of the shadows that cross our path
through life are caused by standing in our
own light.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1876-12-06

THE LAND OF THE MrssrSG.-In one of
William Blacks novels he makes one of his
people vaguely describe land which Law
across the sea- to which has fled all who were
numbered among the missing, who there liv-
ed untrammeled by the follies or misfortunes
of the past. But the land Of the missing does
not always care for its children. Sad wrecks
go down in the surging seas which surround
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1876-12-06
LAMBERTvILLE n j. WEDNESDAY. DEcEAfBER s. 1876
TIE KIxo AND THE rARMSR.


King Frederick Of Prussia, when he was
out riding one day, saw an old farmer, who
was ploughing field and singing cheerfully
over his work.
s You must be well of, old man, cried
the king. Does this acre belong to you on
which you 50 industriously labor I
No, Sir, replied the old man, who Of
course had no idea that be was speaking to
the king & am not so rich as that. plow
for wages"
How much do you earn day !" asked
the king.
Eight groschen, returned the man. That
would be about twenty cents of our money.
That is very little, said the king. g Can
you get along with it
sect along yes, indeed, and have some-
thing left.''
sHow do you manages? 2"
WE'LL" said the farmer, smiling, 81 will
tell you. Two groschen are for myself and
my wife with two pay my old debts, two |
Lend and two I give away for the Lords
sake"
"This is a mystery which cannot solve, y
said the king
Then must solve it for you, replied the
farmer :" have two old parents at home,
who kept me and cared for me when was
young and weak and needed care. Now that
they are old and weak, am glad to keep and
care for them. This is my debt, and it costs
me two grosohen day to pay it. Two more
spend on my children's schooling. If they
are living when their mother and are old,
they will keep us, and pay back what l lend.
Then with my last two groschen support my
two sick sisters, who cannot work for them
selves. OF course l am not compelled to give
them the money but do it for the Lords
salSe.''
"Well done, old man. cried the kind, as
he finished. "Now, l am going to give you
something to guess. Have you ever seen me
before {"
No." said the farmer.
In less than five minutes you shall see me
fifty times, and carry in your pocket fifty OF
my likenesses."
"This is indeed riddle which I cannot
guess" said the farmer.
"Then l will solve it for you," returned
the king and with that he put his hand into
his pocket, and pulling out fifty gold pieces,
placed them in the hands of the farmer.
The coin is genuine, said the king, for
it also comes from our Lord Gcd, and / am
His paymaster. l bid you good bye"
And he rode off, leaving the good old man
overwhelmed with surprise and delight.