The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-01-01
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

recovering his mental faculties proves, uuhapp
". To be Incorrect He was let out of the insar
asylum one day, on the supposition that he W,
cured, but next day 1t was found he had sui
scribed for the Chicago later. 0ceon-so they ha
to send him back again. eA
IthSs been discovered that buckwheat cake
bIunt sensitive natures and degrade poet
minds. Thcy also produce an eruption bl
- ais it worse to have big feet than to be crosi
eyed" is what the vassar college girls woul
like to know.-Detroa Free Press. It's less ex
pensive to be cross. eyed. Times. Jones foun
il otherwise when the infrmity led him TO kis
the wrong woman and he lost three front teetl
by the mistake.
The Louisville Courter-Jo.lynal man hung VI
his stocking on Christmas Old Santa Claus wal
generous and halfflled it-with ten gallon kea
of whisky, a bushel Of crackers and sardnes ano
fifteen yards of bologna sausage.
One of the most modest men living is John
Kelly, of stockbridge, Mass, who, in suing q
Lady for breach Of promise, lays bis damages at
s5o0--Er GH # MYE N
That's what his washing and mending had cost
during his engagement His lascerated feelings
were beyond expression In dollars and cents, OF
course. ...r.I -.t .. ...I....... ......
Men undoubtedly have right 10 cross their
legs while riding in an omnibus, but when their
pantaloons are short and they wear no stockings,
IL looks bad to do Il.
The only joke ever published IN Nashville was
written by Vim. Hy Smith, one OF the best men
that ever lived. The day following the appear
ance OF this Joke he found II necessary to pub
lsh All explanation, showing wherein the point
lay, and the day after the explanation he pub
lished an explanation OF the explanation. The
Joke then became very popular.-Louisrilh Cour-
ter-JourTlal. Jf#.rHr "
Bayard Taylor 10 writing Il new novel, TO be
published in the st. Neiolds, entitled Jon Of
Iceland" Doubtless the Juvenile readers Of that
excellent magazine will be duly Disguised with
a writer who don't know better than that how TO
spell John.
"Weibezahn is the name Of candy dealer in
Dixon. Good name for The business. The
"weibezahn" (womsn's toothl is an excellent
Judge of the article.
1t is thus wickedness often defeats itself A
deaf and dumb mendicent, passing down a
street in New York, slipped on an orange pee!
some wicked boys had placed on the walk and
fell when the boys set up rude shout at the
accident. The mar, Startled by the shout III.
stantly recovered his speech and gave the lads
severe lecture, much to the enjoyment OF blind
beggar on the opposite corner, who saw the
whole occurrence through his green glasses.
And here is another fearful warning against
ehurlishness towards beggars:
A beggar entered Britton's saloon on Green.
wich street, New York, and asked for something
10 eat A man named McCutcheon offered him
a piece OF meat and as he was about to take il,
withdrew II and put IL into his own mouth, at
the same time mutterng an anatherna against
the beggar He had no sooner made the re-
mark than he commenced to choke, and before
assistance could be offered he died, having
been oh oked to death with the piece Of meat.
Apoetical New, Yorker, learning that the late
N. P. Willis named his residence "Glen Mary"
after his wife, concluded that that was just about
the right thing to do. and So DO calls ms house
ulen Matilda Jane"
Now here is u neat little shot from tho Young.
ston Viadadtor:
III a government thief is scratched out of his
hole in these times be Immediately shouts out
that there Is danger TO the common schools"
At Newport, Kentucky, they are having
great ado about girl who is said to be bewitch.
ed, as If 1t was anything unusual for girl of
eighteen to be bewitched.
Mr.. W. S. Williams, OF Illinois, announces that
his wife, Ann Eliza, having left his bed and
BOARD without cause, he will not be responsible
for any debts she may contract"
Ann Eliza, Ann Eliza,
once loved but now despise her,
And as no longer prize her,
will 20 and advertise her,
For, although I'm not miser.
won't pay for what she buys her
In his sermon Of last Sunday Mr.. Beecher
said; " The President Of New York bank with
whom am accustomed TO do business said TO
lae the other day. The fact that o man is a mem.
Der OF @ church is with US not presumption OF
honesty, but rather the other way" II is TO be
hoped that the bank President intended no dis
respect to Mr.. Beecher
We soemnlJ protest that the following is not
an Ottawa incident, SO that none OF our store.
keepers can make II an excuse for stopping the
paper:
II will not lie necessary 70 tell the name Of the
iacetious party who wen; into store the other
day and was observed TO be looking about when
the proprietor remarked 10 him that thew didn't
keep whisky. :" II would save you a good many |
steps II you did, was the quick reply
Neither has the following any locs! allusion.
but refers to Chicago
An auditor being asked how he liked the per-
formance OF certain dramatic club. replied that
he should hardly like to call IL o club but rath.
er q collection Of sticks" |
The Kansas City TR.es sees no use in Con-
gress going through the useless ceremony Of
calling upon Grant for the official correspond.
enee and instructions relating TO the whisky
prosecutions, when the following {. al there lie
Of IL: ....
To Henderson and Dyer:
Let no guilty man escape.
GRANT & Bg!srow
Henderson TO Grlnt
We have caught Babcock
Grant 70 Dyer:
Discharge Henderson
Boas around ladies' necks are IN fashion again
nliterate young men VIII do well 20 remember
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