The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1876-08-03
Spring House Cleaning

spring House Cleaning
Simon Wadso, returning home will
his arms full of groceries and his mind
full of contentment at the prospect o.
a well served dinner and quiet, cosy
evening in the bosom of his family
found his programme, on arriving a,
his house, upset, and the prospects Of
a quiet evening as badly shattered as
looking glass which a cannon ball
had passed through. Instead of a
waiting wife and dinner, carpetless
floor, soap puddles, and the furniture
stacked IN pyramids, greeted him.
elias there been fire ?" he meekiy
inquired of servant girl as he de-
posted his parcels in the coal scuttle,
which had been converted into a cor
ner ornament for the mantlepiece.
''No, sir" replied the usually neat
girl, who appeared to be in an aVful
state OF rags and soap snds.
''Visited by an earthquake ?" he
calmly asked, lifting bar of soap, a
leaf of bread and wet dish rag off
the crown of his best silk hat and
smoothing il on his sleeve.
''Shure the missus is house cleaning,
sur" observed the help, waving a
dripping scrub brush madly to and fro
OH the floor.
The wife of his bosom entered at
that moment, disguised with patch
of stove black on her fair check, her
nose fiery red from the cold, a pillow
case worn as turban, badly torn
dress festooned about her feet cncased
in pair of Wadso's Artic overshoes.
"Good gracious! Maria, what's the
matter3" he exclaimed, glancing from
his poor hat to his disreputable look
ing matrimonial partner.
"Why, I'm spring house cleaning,
and have got all the carpets up and out
in the back yard for you to beat this
evening"" she replied in an exultant
voice, ''and I'm SO glad you're back to
help Annie and me move the stove"
"Don't you think, love-" he said
,loomily, sit would be better to hire
nan to come in the morning to beat
hem. -
"Nonsense, | won't nave strange
nan here. You can just as well shake
hem as not" she interrupted briskly
brushing his eighteen dollar seal skin
gloves off the top of the sewing ma
:hine into a soap puddle.
"When will dinner be ready?" he
lsked despendently as he rescued his
,auntlets and wiped them dry with
lis pocket handkerchief.
"Oh, l had let the fire 90 out to
'lack the range. If you're hungry,
III get you something to eat," she re-
,lied, when having fished up an iron
ug blanket, the family cat, a sun bon
let and some clothes pins out of the
wash boiler, week-old mutton bone
md some cold buck wheat cakes were
discovered in the bottom, the table
spread on the corner of the mantle
piece, and dinner announced as ready.
Wadso groaned in spirit at the sight
Of the unsavory viands, and his appe-
lite vanished like boys kite when
The string breaks. 4t
''Now, it you're through, let's move
the stove," said Mrs. W., after allow
ing him seventeen seconds to worry
The mutton bone in.
Wadso rolled up his sleeves, mount
ed the kitchen table, gave a wrench at
he pipe hard enough to haul an anch-
d. out of the mud. The next moment
he table had turned back somersault,
le had peeled his shin and knuckles
oy falling oyer the stove, and his wife
vas stamping around with tears in
Ter eyes and about peck of SCOT
poured over her face.
"rhere! L knew you'd do it,"
screamed Mrs. W., looking as if she
we're blackencd Tor negro minstrel
performance.
Wadso made no reply, his attention
,eing divided just then between his
acerated shin and broken window,
through which he had driven the end
If that internal stove pipe.
"You did il on purpose, believe
obbed his sooty wife, wiping her
oOty face with her petticOat.
Wadso said nothing, but tugged
way at the pipe, and after knocking
iown bird cage, upsetting a glass
amp, running his clothes, and nearly
aiming the eye out of4Alice, who
vas passing, succeeded in getting it
nto the garden.
He did not return Just then, but
spent the next two hours thrashing
dirty carpets with a broom handle,
and binding himself with
lust, raising blisters on his hands,
bumps on his head, and profanity sins
OH his conscience, that bottles of lini-
ment and weeks Of piety will scarcely
cure. aa
When he did go in it was with the
face of a chimney sweep, muscles ach-
ing, hands smarting, shins paining,
eyes watering and temper soured to
an, extent that even the seductive
charms OF the cold mutton bone dish
ed up again for his supper failed to