The Arizona sentinel. [volume] (Arizona City [Yuma], Yuma County, A.T. [Ariz.]) 1872-1911, 1876-10-14
MISCELLAN Y.
Saturday.

jury: died of kick in the StOm
ach from his wife, and he never
knew what hurt him."
A young man in Hartford read
somewhere that more deaths Oc-
cur at five O'clock in the morning |
than at any other hOnr, and now |
gets up regularly at four, in order |
to be out when Death makes his +
morning calls.
Provisions are reported scarce
in the Fiji Islands, and there Is
much suffering in consequence.
We must send those benighted
people more bibles and mission
aries-especially missionaries. :
NOTristOaC71 Herald.
A soldier on trial for habitual
drunkenness was addressed by the
president of the cOurtmartial
Prisoner you have heard the pro-
secutiOn for habitual drunken
ness; what have you to say In
your defence?" "Nothing, please
your honor, hut habitual thirstW
An intelligent observer has no.
ticed that ladies whose skirts are
regged and sOiled and who have
stockings with holes in, allow
their dresses TO envelOp them and
drag In the dirt, while those with
snowy stockings and pretty feet
never allow the dress to touch the
ground.
It has beer observed by frequen-
tiers of watering-places that the
female swimmer never learns to
use her. legs as gracefully as she
does her arms. This fact should
be considered by the strOng-mind-
ed sisterhOod as natural proof that
lovely wOman's mission Is to en-
brace, and not to kick.
Riding in street-car, the other
day, young Irishman addressed
an old one. with the evident in
tention of quizzing him, in this
way, II say Mike, what time
dose the 4O'clock boat gOw With
out change of cOuntendnce, or
smile, the other gravely answer
ed: "When 1t leaves the wharf,
Pat"
A widow of my acquaintance at
the Ocean was emphatic OH the
horrible figure that the lOveliest
woman must cut while bathing.
I remarked that the Queen of
Love and Beauty was tabled to
have sprung from the foam of the
sea, and that she must have been
charming. "Oh, yes; but had
nothing on, / should look charm
ing" Here her speech came to
sudden halt, and observing roses
blooming all over her face, [ said,
81 have no doubt of it." and walk
ed away.-LOng Branch Letter.
Mrs. Van Auken installed a
Chinaman in her kitchen. The
first morning after the Chinaman
came, the following conversation
occurred:
"What is your name sir?" ask
ed Mrs. Fan Auken.
10 my nance All Din Foo"
"But | can't remember all that
lingo, my man. I'LL call you Jim
my"
"Velly welle; now whachee
name / Gale your asked All Sin,
looking up in sweet simplicity.
"Well, my name is Mrs. Van
Auken; call me that"
80 me can no membel Mise
Vanne Auken. Too big piece
nance. 1 call you Tommy-Misse
Tommy"
THE FALL TERM.-The public
schools opened for the fall and
winter season yesterday, and
every child in Detroit felt happy
for an hour or two, if not longer.
A boy going down Second street
from the Cass school at noon met
boy going up from the Porter
street school, and the Cass boy
cilIed out:
"Hain't school bully thought"
"You bet!" was the prompt re-
ply. "How's your teacher?"
''Nicest person you ever saw. l
snapped six paper wads this fore
noon and naver got licked once"
"Just like mine," called the
other.
"When she saw me sticking a
pin into a boy she smiled and
smiled, and believe she's got a
heart like an angel"
Those lads may meet a week
later, and when they compare
notes the first one will remark:
Pm licked, regularly three
times a day and for nothing at
ALL"
$50 am l." will be the mOurnful
erhO of the Other.-DetTOit Free
Press