Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-04-19
Chips.

10 DC p0tlcnC anu uloHouSh Az "A n
hat one does Is to compel success III =
my calling.
Sixteen of the forty-seven States {
ind territories have no laws regulate
ng the rate of interest. "
The extreme height of misery is
small boy with new pair of rubber
boots. and no mud or slush In reach.
II do not wish anybody to do any
thing naughty" says a clever woman,
shut if they do, want to know all
about it,"
A New York doctor advertises that
he can make people lean, but this isn't ,
what is wanted. People want straight
ening up.
When loafer enters the sanctum
of a busy editor, and the editor says,
''Glad to see you're back" what does
he mean?
Professor(to freshman)--"What is
a circle p Freshman (atter much re-
Election ia round, straight line, with /
a hole in the middle"
The Boston Post wants to know
what sort of an animal the father of
a mule is. Look in the mirror and
see.-Neio York Herald.
That was smart little girl who, in
answer to the catechism's question
"Whqt Is the AutWapd, visible aign or
form in baptism r. replied; "The
baby"
"science," says DR.. Holmes, sis q
good piece of furniture for q man to
have in an upper chamber. provided
he has common sense Oh the ground
floor"
Dio Lewis says that the women are
mainly responsible for the intemper-
ance in tllis country, through the en-
couragement they give to Tho social
glass.
The juvenile population becomes
corrupted very early in Cincinnati.
A young man of only twenty-five
years is running fer The COMMON eopns
Tom Moore compares love to po-
tato, because it shoots from the
eyes," "Qr rather" exclaimed Byron,
"because 1t becomes all the less by
pairing"
An effort to save three cents will
cost Hancock (Pa) county man
something over hundred dollars
He merely used the same postage
stamp twice.
Sch4olMistressz-z"Jabnny, am
ashamed Of yo4 When | was ypur
age could read as well as can now"
saw, but You had different teacher
to what we've got"
When an Oshkosh couple were
caught mapaiRg each ether tho other
day their excuse was that they were
training for sham battle of Lexing-
ton for the Fourth Of July.
The street cars in Constantinoplea are
never over-crowdel. As soon ms they
get too heavy, the fellows who draw
them stop, sit down, cross their legs,
and take smoke.
A bill pEohihet the sale of intoxicat-
ing liquor within the four miles Of
the California University is called by
a San Francisco paper. "An act to
promote pedestrianism among stu
Dents"
They havea disagreeable way in
Canon City, COL, when man takes
broken chair to the cabinet shop, of
saying; sHit you with q chair, did
she ]" This is very Tying to the av-
erage citizen.
/ People won't let preachers have any
privileges of late years. Upin Mont
pelier, n. H., the people are clagging
the car of Zion because one of the
church pastors breaches in suit of
struggled clothes.
Il A Missouri lawyer successfully de-
fcndeda highwayman, but charged
him an exOrbitant fee. The highway
man paid it without a murmnr, stop
ped his counsel on his way home at
night and recovered the cash.
i Writing to a friend in Nevada, a
gentleman closed with the injunc-
ton: "Iake good care Of Nancy His
wife saw the letter, and it took him
an hour to explain the differene be-
tween bonanza silver mine and a
Nancy feminine.
u The Fort Dodge Oowa) Times says
A that Mrs. ID, A. Dodd, Of Humboldt
county, has lately presented her liege
lord with another heir, the twenty.
sixth in eighteen years. Ofthe TWEEN.
!. ty-six, fourteen are twins. And YET
they have none to spare.
J, An indianapolis father was awak-
, ened by what he thought was burg.
, lar, the other night. He emptied all
=, the chambers Of his six shooter al
the intruder, and when the noise OF
: the firing ceased, he heard a we'll.
+, known voice quietly ask, "wazzer
: mazzer, fazzer wazzer dom 2"
!. In order to hit the .'heathen Chinee,
a the generous Anglo-Saxon of San
J. FRANCISCO imposes Q tax Of $6Q on all
t laundries that don't use q horse and
wagon, and gets from $4,000 to $780,
l 600 year toward the city expenses
: for it. The white washerman rides
while the heather collects and dis
Y tributes his wash OH foot.
An Indiana paper calls out with
r fear: "For heavens sake, as well as
r for the best interests of the State, we
trust we shall not have another Foo
f Legislature" And the indianapolis
Journal continues: IF the pemocra.
cy and the Independents should carry
the State, as they did two years ago
A "another Fool Legislature" would BIZ
no name for it.
Il
One of the workmen in a paper
mill at Shawangunk, Ulster county
New York, recently attempted to
make up the time Of his father, who
. was iii, aud worked fop fifty-Six con.
secutive hours without sleep, only
, resting while he ate. At his last sup
per he fell asleep while eating, but
was aroused, got up, and finished hi'
t. last six hours work.
They have pleasant practice Of
planting birthday trees in England
J. There is now on the grounds Of Os
borne House, on the Isle Of Wight, 8
:. Picea pinsapo spruce thirty-five fee
high, that was planted by Queen Vic
: toria on May "a, l849, when she was
30 years old. Some of Opr yOnAe
girls might hesitate to do this, as il
might lead to the discovery Of theil
ages, but there can be no reason why
). the boys shop Id not do it.
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