The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1876-05-25
Carpet Shaking as a Fine Art.

The prayers of this congregation are
requested for young Mr.. Baringer, who
lives out IN Angular Street. You see
Mr.. Baringer has only been keeping
house about a year, and they took the
carpets up yesterday for their first gen.
eral house cleaning. Mrs. Baringer's
mother was there, because she said
Olivia "a a mere child at such things,
and she didn't believe that Aristarchus
was much better, and it was better to
have some one around who could man.
age. The young people, however, felt
very confident that they had, by nu-
merous consultations aad many well
laid plans, reduced house cleaning to Il
perfect science, a system that had never
yet been attained by any other house.
keepers, and they were all impatient to
get at work and clean the whole house,
from garnet to cellar, and have all the
pictures back on the walls and carpets
nailed down again before dark. They
were disguised at the way other people
cleaned house, and Olivia thought it
wa perfectly wonderful how Aristar-
chus could have such beautifully lucid
and systematic ideas on matters of
which most men, and she would say,
most women as well, were so deplora-
bly, stupid and ignorant.
The stirring notes of the alarm clock
dragged Mr.. Baringer out of bed at 3;15
Il. M, and he thought he felt intolera-
bly, sleepy for five o'clock, but he didn't
look at the clock until he was dressed,
and then he was too mad to swear.
He merely woke Mrs. Baringer up to
tell her that he'd bet II thousand dol
lars some lunk-headed sucker had
changed the alarm after he set it, and
then he Topped down on a lounge to
sleep till daylight. He awoke at half
past seven O'Clock, the hour at which,
by their prearranged system and calca-
l~ations, the two up stairs bedroom car
pets were to have been beaten and
ready to put down as soon as the floors
were dry. Then the kitchen fire went
out twice, and they finally sat down to
breakfast at half past eight O'Clock,
Mrs. Baringer's mother beguiling the
time during that matinal meal by ask
ing Olivia if she minded how she used
to he half through her house cleaning
by nine O'Clock in the morning. But Mr..
Baringer bore up very well under it,and
Immediately after breakfast, he took
up the bedroom carpets. 1t was slow
work, jerking the tacks ont n at a
time. Sometimes they flew up into his
face; sometimes he pulled the head of
and left the tack in the floor; and when
they got to be rather thickly scattered
around the room he put his knee down
on one occasionally and talked in a
fragmentary manne about certain mill
privileges in connection with house.
keeping which Mrs. Baringer couldn't
understand. At last he noticed that by
lifting up the edge of the carpet, a gen.
tie pull would bring up half a dozen
tacks in rapid succession. Happy
thought. He rose to his feet, grasped
the bound edge of the carpet in both
hands, gave a mighty lift and a tremen'
dous pall-k-r-r-r-r-r-t! and when the
dust settled a little, Mrs. Baringer and
her mother were discovered standing
in the door, looking in speeches. hor'
ror at Mr.. Baringer, who stood, like al
image of despair, holding a carpet with
a fringed edge in one hand, and a long
line of carpet-binding in the other.
"How did you do itP" shrieked Mrs.
Baringer.
"How ever did you do itp" echoed
Mrs. Baringer's mother.
Then they both said something abou,
the general incapacity of a man, and
Mr.. Baringer endeavored to explain
that in going across the room for the
tack hammer no had caught his foot IL
the edge of the carpet, with the result
as above. And at the conclusion of hi
explanation, Mrs. Baringer's mother
gave u sniff that blew dust out of tn,
carpet, and there was q general OK
preston Of incredulity on the faces o
the congregation.
II was a long time before they 60
the carpets down in the yard, and o