The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-01-07
NUMBER 80.
DISCOURAGING BUSINESS.
The Thermometer Man In Detroit.
[FrOm The Detroit Free Press.l

houses. He SEEMED TO gain confidence
from the cheerful look Of the dwellings.
and he bore himself like baker "a he
ascended the steps and pulled door
bell.
Nothing for the poor" said the lady,
as she opened the door.
am not soliciting for the poor-I am
selling Thermometers" he replied in a
balnIy voice.
81 know 1t; but we've got all the veg
etables we can use" she called back, and
the door struck his toes.
Going into the saloon on the corner
the man addressed the proprietor with
sweet smile, asking:
Would you like a thermometer to-
day?"
"By de bushel, inquired the saloonis,
"No-a thermomeier-a little instru-
ment for telling you when it is cold or
warm"
"Any music-box in it?" inquired the
saloonIst.
"No; it records the weather"
"What wedder?"
"Why, the weather we have every day
in the year. When it is warm the little
bulb runs up; when it is cold it skins
down"
"Umph: When it ish warm dakes
my goat off; when it ish gold hut more
goal in der stnaf. Go und nell dat e.
some schmaIl hoy as knows noddings!"
The Thermometer man entered a car
Pet-weaver's. and b"w-hacked man
nodded kindly and cordially welcomed
him.
accurate Thermometers for only TWEEN
ty-five cents" said the peddIer az la
held one mp.
"New thing?" asked the weaver az he
took one in his hand.
We have had thermometers for ma.
ny years. People have come TO consider
them household Necessity"
''Z~ro? Zero? Who was Zero?" ask
ed the weaver, reading the word behind
the glass.
The thermometer man explained, and
the weaver after trying to get his thunrh
nail under the glass asked:
"Where does the blame thing openp'
Thermometers are not meant to open,
my friend, was reply.
"WeII, don't want no Thermometers
around me that won't openp growled
4
the weaver. 81 thought it was a new
kind of ove-handle when yon came in,
or shouldn't have looked at itp
The thermometer man next tried
dwelling-house. In answer TO his ring
the door was instantly and swiftly open.
ed by a red faced woman, who hit him
with a club and cried out:
"fn learn you, you young villainp
She apologized and explained that
several bad boys had been ringing the
door bell and he forgave her and said:
IL have some accurate and handsome
thermometers here. Would you"
"We never have hash for breakfast"
she interrupted. my husband detesis
hash, 80 don't want TO buy"
"Hashl A thermometer has nothing
to do with hash" he exclaimed.
"Well, I can't help that" she replied,
slowly closing the door. 1--WE haven't
any lamps to mend. and you shouldn't
track mud on the steps that way"
There was a portly man crossing the
sfraaf oud tha tharr,o,v.,.- -,... L.oI.a..
ed to him, hailed him, and when he got
near enough asked:
"Can sell you an accurate thermom-
eter to-day?"
"a what?"
"A thermometer"
What do / want with a thermome-
ter" exclaimed the portly man, raising
his voice peg.
"Why, to note the weather"
"You blamed idiot Do you suppose
] run the weather. roared the fat man,
growing purple in the face.
"But yon want TO know when its hot
or cold, don't your"
Gam / such an old fool that don't
know when it's summer and when it's
winter?" shrieked the fat man.
1--WE all know, of course" replied the
stranger, "but every respectable family
has thermometer nowadays"
"They have, Ell ! have none, nor
! wouldn't have one, and do you dare
tell me that ain't respectabIe!" scream
ed old portly.
81 didn't mean"
"Yes, you did, and you're made me
miss the car, and III cane your
The thermometer man waded across
the muddy street and made his escape,
and at dusk last night was backed up
against the Soldiers Monument. his
basket between his feet, and was squint-
ing sadly at the clock on the City Hall