Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1876-04-14

, Quiet woods when the wind goes by.
After the tempest, the lull OF waves
After the battle, peaceful graves.
After the knell. the wedding bells
Joyful greetings from sad fareweils.
After the bud, the radiant rose;
. After our weeping, sweet repose
After the burden, the blissful need
After the furrow the waking seed.
After the flight. L dOwny nest;
Over the shadowy .!ver-rest.
!. They were sitting together, he and she
and he was arduoasly thinking what to say
Finally he burst out with, "ln this land Of
noble achievements and undying glory, why
is it that women do not come more to the
front; why is it that they do not climb the
ladder of fame ?" Il suppose" said she,
putting her finger in her mouth, ''it Is all
on account of their pull-backs. And then
she sighed and he sighed, side by side.
when" he said violently. "when are
you going to pay me that bill? I've dunned
YOU till I'm tired and mad Now, want a
positive answer-when Will you pay it p
by Jove :" was the reply, you must take
me for prophet How can tell ?''-Er-
change. When Charles James Fox was
pressed by an importunate creditor, he was
more explicit. Il beg your pardon, Mr..
Fox, said the dun, "but you know have
J Il
to make the time Of payment inconyenient
to you. only desire you will fix upon
some day certain in the future when you
will pay" That is very kind of you,
responded Fox, land | will accede to
your request with pleasure. Suppose we
name the Day of Judgment. But stop,
since that will be very busy day, suppose
We say the day after. ."-Neo York
Sun.
Somebody gave Paddy McGrath picked
/ egg yesterday. Paddy bit it in two. opened
his mouth, made face, and said BE
me sowl, Ia 90 before ony jedge or jury in
| the wurreld an take me oath dhat the bin
that led that egg had the dyspipsy or heart
burn. | dunno, and he made dive for
the pump.-LomsriHe CourierJournai.
CORVALLIS, n S has lady teac her who
kisses the first boy who gets to school in the
morning, and the small boys are crowded
out of school by children of larger growth,
who roost on the fences all night 50 as to be
up early.
What : usee play poker remarked an
/ almond-eyed denizen Of Tucson. New, the
other day "Me hold four kings and
lace; Mclean man hold all same time four
laces and king whole week washee
gone likee woodbine.
isn't your husband little bald ?" i'll
quired one lady of another There isn't
bald hair on his head" Indignantly replied
the lady.
More Hibernico - Lady Visitor -
We'll, Mrs. Donovan, shan't forget to
send the soup tickets, and III look out
some warm clothes for the little ones let
me see, how many children have you >"
Mrs. -" "Arrah, bedad, and wouldn't
be havin' six of EN-, if two OF EN- wasen't
twins entoircly ''-LoRdoR Fun.
Two young men went rinidg with two
Westburg (lowa) girls. \ big dog, full of
fight, came belching through fence. One
OF the young men drew revolver, blazed
away at the dog, and succeeded in tearing
of one Of his Own fingers and depositing the
bullet ia the neck of one Of the Young
ladies. /, was lucky Tor the log Chicago
Tr.JuHe.
Mr.. Oliver Perkins of illinois IS man Of
sound sense, II his education has been neg
lected. He lately sent his boy to the school
marin with the following note Mis- Haze
Pleas Tx the barer for running away. Lik
him Well. No NOR at preasant. Yours
respectively, Mr.. OLIVER PERKINS"
Nothing viii dry womans eyes and
check her sobs quicker, at funeral, than
the detection OF a new style Of founce on a
neighborins mourner's dress-Br ooiiya
Argus
There is IN lri-hman in the city who
served IL the rebel army during the war,
and Is never tired Of boasting OF the yalor
OF the boys in gray, especially of those in
the Western army-where he served. The
boys were teasing him in a saloon the other
evening, and one said "Yes, but why did
run away and leave Fort Henry ?' why,
hejaber~. because We couldn't take it along
wld us, answered he. and the laugh was
on his side.-Ioled' Blade.
Host-'-I wouldn't make that call on your
assembly PARTNER, if l were you, Bill"
Fast Soph-"W hyhicnotoebov2 Host t-
go, there Is too much tobacco smoke
about YOU. "-Harrard Lampoou.
LoyEIs KING.
]. at thy k.nsly gate
Dear. thou dost D. q ne wait
Ahd take such dole e.. ne
As thy calm heart may move,
10 truth have no way
NCr NIL say thee lay.
Il from my loving heart
Love. thou dost bid me part
And, leaving u " IN thee.
Keep only memory,
Alas have no way
nor viii say thee nay.
In Canon City, Col, man can't take
couple of broken chairs to the cabnet-shop
for repairs without hearing such imputations
as Hit you with chair, did She? ?'
\ new lady clerk in dry-goods store,
who objected to ncknames, addressed one Of
the little store-boys as 'Cassius.'
\ State Senator has returned pass which
had been issued to him by railroad com
pany. His honest action reminded the com
pany that the pass had expired.
Going for the bottom facts, ." is what the
conscientious Brooklyn mother calls it now
when She slippers her eldest for fixing
clothes-pin on pussy's tail.
"What Is editorial COURTESY" asks a
southern paper. Why. it is when a South
ern editor Is caught stealing chickens at mid
night and his brother editors kindly allude
to the matter as a strange freak Of
somnambulist. '-NOrrisfOlcn Herald.
When a man gets both his legs mashed,
rendering him unable 10 work for three
50 much, and so eifectualy Keeps the wolf
from the door, as for his fellow-workmen to
pass series OF resolutions praying for his
speedy recovery, and ordering an engrossed
copy of the same to be presented to his fami-
ly.-N0rriSt0rR Herald.
4 Benton county man hid 5000 in the
spareroom stove. The next day his wife's
mother came down during his absence for
three weeks visit, and that spare room was
warmed up for the first time in 800 years.
And they say you can pick up shreds of that
mans hair and clothes, where he dubbed
himself around the country when he heard
of it, anywhere within 10 miles of the house.
Burlington Ha,ekeye.
Every man." said Mark Lemon, one
evening at his club, "has his peculiarities,
though think am free from them as most
men at any rate, don't know what they
are Nobody contradicted the editor Of
punch, but after while Albert Smith asked,
Nv Which hand do you shave with, uucle p
with my right hand replied Lemon.
"Ah :" returned the other, ''that's your
popularity most people shave with razor"
An Indian opened barber-sbop in Kan
sas town, hut he is not making fortune.
One day, while shaving white man he per-
mitted his mind to wander back to the hap
py days of his childhood, and. before you
could say the multiplication table backwards,
he had his customers CORY scalp dangling at
his belt. of course he apologized when he
fully realized the consequence of his absent
mindedness, and offered to glue the scalp on
at his own expense; but this white man
wouldn't listen to reason, and left the shop
swearing that he would never 90 back there
to get shaved. And he has kept his word.
Don't buy any books for summer reading
this year. Wait until your Congressman
sends along those four thousand pages of the
Belknap eyidence.-Proridenee Press.
Some funny Democrats have made ticket
with the names of Thomas A. Hendricks and
jeremiah 5. Black. The battle cry will
no s.Tg.r,, md Tarrr- " n Dan,,hIc1u