The Portland daily press., 1876-12-04
DR.. Spanxter's Remedy.

A long time ago there lived King and
Queen whose splendid palace stood upon a
great green island in the sparkling sea. They
had only one child, little Prince Pucker-a
pretty boy, with golden hair and blooming
cheeks, but for all that, horribly naughty;
though his father and mother thought he
was good and beautiful. For you must know
that in their kingdom lived wicked old
fairy who hated little boys and girls, and
when one was born she directly gave its
father and mother pair of rose colored spec
tacles, which grew on to their noses too
tightly to be moved, so that all the people
let their children do whatever they pleased
and never even found fault with them, for
they all thought their own quite perfect; but
the spectacles never had any effect when you
looked at other peoples children.
Now everybody in the palace and out of it
knew that Prince Fucker was as naughty a
little boy as could be. He was selfish and
vain and proud, disagreeable in every way,
and inpatient as a humble bee; besides, if he
wanted anything he had only to scream for
1t and everything was set aside to get it. As
for the Kings gentlemen and the Queens
maids they constantly went on picnic parties
to desert islands where they could safely say
what was in their thoughts, for there was
great danger that the words would come of
themselves when they got very angry except
for this relief; and the prettiest of all the
maids at length discovered the incest way
possible to relieve her mind without any risk:
whenever she could get in dark corner she
constantly made up the most shocking faces
at Prince Fucker and felt very much the bet
ter for it. Now it's all very well to give a
child everything it howls for when you can,
but if you can't, what are you going to do
about it? This view of the matter had not
occurred to the King and Queen, but of
course there came time when they couldn't
help seeing it. Prince Fucker cried and
fretted so much all day, generally, that when
night came he was too tired to sit up, and so
went to bed with the sun, which he firmly
believed put itself out on his account and no.
body else's, and got up in the morning so
early in order that his room might be warm
and bright before he rose himself. but one
day he had oversight himself and so kept
awake at night and, looking out of the palace
window, saw the full moon in the sky over
head shining splendidly.
"Give me that thing, that round thing"
bawled the prince pointing at the moon.
MAY it please your highness," said the
prettiest maid OF honor advancing from the
corner where she had been making faces at
him in the dark, and calling him names in
her throat, "that is the moon, nobody can
get it."
Prince Fucker boxed her ears and
out crying with all his might and main. burst
"Give it to me ow, ow, ow! Twill
it! must! you shall! ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,
ow.
my love! my darling! my sweet boy %
exclaimed the Queen, running instantly in,
and tripping herself up on her blue velvet
train. ,'Puckery darling, tell your own de-
voted mamma what you want and you shall
have it this instant"
"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow! 1 want the
moonl
The Queen reflected two seconds, and th en-
tainted away; in fact, she couldn't do an v
thing else under the circumstances and /
don't blame her.
In the mnantime Prince Fucker danced up
and down screeching and bowling like very
angry cat, and the King. who was holding a
council OF state in the back parlor, came rush
ing up TO see what allied the prince.
who has been abusing my son and heir ?"
he asked fiercely, looking about him at the
maids; for it is curious fact that all the
men in that island always blamed the near
est woman when anything happened
PLEASE your majesty" SAID Angelica,
making courtesy, "his highness wants the
moon."
The King whistled and put his hands in
his pockets; but then they were velvet pock-
cts embroidered with gold.
You shall have moon instanter, my
boy" cried he, as bright idea struck him.
"Send me the head carpenter directly" So
the head carpenter came.
Fetch all your ladders at once" said tie
King. prince Fucker is crying for the
moon and must have it,
"Please your majesty"
1T don't please my majesty. Get 'em
quick tell you! Buy, beg, borrow, steal
get all there are in the kingdom"
'sBut. your majesty, they won't"
.'They shall, l tell you!
"But the distance"
"Hang distance! Get enough ladders"
but how to lift them, sire? Gravitation
forbids."
"Confound gravitation, turn it out; won't
have it round; my son shall have the moon,
or I'll chop your head off Friday noon.'
The head carpenter went home, packed up
two clean shirts and a pocket handkerchief,
kissed his wife, and put out to sea in an open
boat, leaving word for the King that he had
gone to the moon.
Prince Fucker yelled louder than ever; he
would not eat or sleep, and nobody else could
get wink of rest. The King tried whatever
he could think of; he sent philosopher up
IN balloon but he never came back. Then
the King sent regiment of heavy artillery
on top of the highest mountain to be found,
with rified cannon and patent reversible
bOmbshells to shoot at the moon and dislodge
it.
"But when they came unto the top
To their surprise they found
That the moon was lust as far away
AS she was from the ground."
In short the moon sailed on and took no
notice OF any efforts made to bring her down
for Prince Fucker, and the King and Queen
were at their wits ends.
Moreover the prince wouldn't stop CRYING,
Why should he? Always before he had cot
whatever he wanted by crying, and why not
now If he only stuck to it? So he cried and
cried and cried; he grew thin and pale and
weak; he could not eat and they sent for the
Kings doctor, who looked at his pulse,
guessed at his tongue, and formed an opin-
ion. Very solemnly he shook his head.
1.-The vital tissues OF the prince are RAPIDLY
disorganizing and disintegrating; nature, in
capable of reaction, demands support, and the
recalcitration of the patient delays recupera-
tion to degree. l shall administer susie
uance of a diffusiye and farinaceous charac-
ter, and apply exterior caloric to the cuticle.''
The next prettiest maid of honor opened
her brown eyes as big as saucers, and whis-
pered to Angelica: sob, dear, what does he
mean?"
Angelica giggled softly: "Nothing. dear
generally, and kicks when you speak to him !:
he's to have Cruel with whiskey in it, and a
hot bath!'
"M-yp said Nelly.
But that was really so! However, the
prince threw the cruel at the Queens head
and spoiled her best waterfall and her cobweb
cap; and he kicked the hot bath over, and
scratched the footmen who brought it in till
they all crept under the bed.
So next day they sent for the Queens phy-
sician, who was different kind of doctor.
He looked al Prince Fucker. heard him cry:
observed the whites of his eyes, and said
nothing; he never did say anything, so peo-
pie considered him remarkably wise. He
pulled large box out of his pocket. extracted
therefrom small bottle of sugar-plums, Or
dered one to be placed on Prince Fuckers
tongue three times day, and went off. The
dreadful little prince seized the bottle, swal-
lowed all the pills at once, and yelled louder
than ever. Then they tried all the other doc
tors in the kingdom, one by one. but none of
them could get the prince to take their doses,
and the only good it did was providing SUBJ
ject for them all 10 agree on, which was an
entirely new experience for them; yet it was
fact that they all hated and despised the
naughty prince, who would neither stop cry.
ing nor take their medicines.
Ar lpnufh tho r>ripoa orou, ~