The Greenville times. [volume] (Greenville, Miss.) 1868-1917, 1876-05-20
JssA Rulings Deanltisss.

49, o. .%e.~~sCoHs
Professor-Dcfine q schoOlmas-
ter.
Student-A schoOlmaster is q
man aftcr the image Of his maker,
without any wife. He works for
Is dollars . month, and eats here
aud there, just Is he can catch it,
round the neighborhood. He is
loved by NO one, aud suspected by
everybody. He is . long-lived
cuss, and has to move into an ad-
joining State to die. lie Is - cross
a. an old she goose setting on lot
Of broken china. to all the young
scholars. but darcsn't sass the old
ones. lle wears:a paper collar .
whole week without washing II,
and darns his own stockings. Hc
mover seen thrce hundred dollars
In his life In ono pile, aud never
will; aud when he dies his aescts
seldom exceed . S-bladei Rogers
pen knife and a bulls eye watch.
Professor-Next, define an AID
crlnam.
Student--An alderman 10 y phi.
losophcr Of uncertain reputation.
He works for nothing, and don't
care whether folks like the job or
not. Helovcs rich food and swears
by the contingent fund. Ills FAM
lily looks upon him as tho greatest
man that has lived since the days
Of Christopher Columbus, but the
community looks upon him a. =
cheap investment, aud generally
turn him out a. the end of the
year and put some other saloon
keeper In his place. Rcpublics are
ungratefnl, and aldermen have a.
ways bccnlookcd upon as bnmmers
by nature. l have been an alder
man myself once, and know how
the thing works.
Professor. r.-Next, define Judas
Iscariot.
Student.-Judas Iscarlct 10 one
Of the 12. He was the meanest
man that ever ato hash for break
fast. lie sold his chance here and
hereafter for 30 pieces Of silver.
We have no account Of the size Of
these pieces, but probably they
was worth about 10 cents each.
EIe got three dollGrs for the bascst
vet ever imagined, or did, and then
hung himself before he had time to
'pend tho money.
Professor Next, dehncan old
bachelor.
Studcmt-An,,,,old bachelor is
'orn . masculine. but generally
'hanges his base into neuter gen.
Ter. lie Is a long-lived bird, and
dies q slovcn. He Is as
ull Of particulars as an indict-
nent for petty larceny. Hc thinks
'e has got good lone hand, but |
n playing It almost always gets
'uchred. lilo sometimes late in
ife makes up his mind to get mar
led, aud then invariably there are |
wo parties got cheated. l am
lad Of It.
Professor-Ncxt; define q deacon. |
Student-A deacon Is first lieu |
enant TO Westinghouse. He Is
8 full Of business as q w0man's |
lights convention, and mourns
eayy for tho sins Of tho people.
le has more pity than brains, and
nore fuss than either. l love the
vcrage deacon, he is OH ornament
0 his brigade, he loves his flag, he |
lakcs a good fight, and IL he gets
he don't knowit A good
eacon IN neighborhood IL SUBJ
tantial blessing, and bad deacons
ave always been scarce. When !
row up to be man wonld like
} be q good deacon, and ride to
hurch Sundays IN top buggy.
Professor--Next, define IN old
laid.
Student-A An old maid is the last
oosebcrry left on the bush, dead
pc and ready to fall of at the
rst shake. She Is sometimes o
tile hard to suit, but Is right oft
. the most charming rclict in the
They arc, all Of
lem, diamonds, and tho reason
ley are not set and worn il, that
icy nave either flaw in them or
Q on color. Next to mothcr-in-
ws old maids have been abused
ore than anything human, but
ICY all OF them have q shiny spot
'mcwhere In their hearts that ev- ,
'ybody is welcome 10 crawl into
ID sun themselves. Old maids
I'd mothcr-in-lsws have been trod
1 enough, and | am going hcrc-
ter to strike out from tho shoul-
r III their behalf, and somebody
III get hurt II they don't look out.