The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-11-01
A Silent Benofactor.

Mr.. Cooley suffered good deal last
winter from rheumatism in his breast
and his wife was badly frightened
about 1t for fear it should end in con-
sumption. Cooley could not be in.
auced t0try any remedy for the tron-
pie, ana Mrs. Cooley was nearly wor.
Fr REQ to death about, it. At last She de.
ter I'm! to try strategy. She made
up; dry mustard plaster. and one
n 11lg While he was sound asleep she
EseWed 1t upon the inside of his under.
shllrt, SO that it would just about cover
I1e rheumatic place. Cooley dressed
himself o IN the morning, wholly unsus-
plclous OF the presence of the plaster.
ana went down stairs. At the break.
fast table, while he was talking to his
WIG, ne suddenly stopped, looked
cioss-ey eel, and spasm of pain crossed
ms race. Then he took up the thread
or the conversation again. and went
on: tie was in the midst OF all expla-
nation OF the political situation. when
all at once he ceased again. grew red in
the face, and exclaimed:
IL wonder what in the-ro. it can't
be anything wrong.''
MIS-. Cooley asked him what was the
matter, and Cooley said:
ION, It's that internal, ola rheuma-
tlsm agaln-come back awful. But
never felt it exactly the same way be-
tore. Kinder stings me-
Mrs. Cooley said she was sorry.
linen MI. Cooley began again, and
was just showing how the ravages of
the grasshoppers in the West, last
Summer, and the potato bug in the
East, would affect the political result
next Fall by making the Daonle dis.
c!ontented, and SO likely to strike at
the party in power, when he suddenly
dropped the subject, and, jumping up,
said j: p'
''Thunder and lightning, what S that?
Ouch 0 Moses! feels if I had a
shovelful of hot Goals inside my shirt.''
''Must be that rheumatism. getting
worse, said Mrs. Cooley, Yympathet-
ically.
''Oh, gracious, no! It's something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like
fire burning into my skin. Ouch Ow-
wow-wow! It's awful. can't stand it
q minute. I believe it's cholera. or
something, and I'm going to de-
DO try to be calm, Mr.. Cooley
"Calm How can q man be calm with
q volcano under his shirt. Get out of
the way, quick, while l go up stairs
ana undress. Murder-r-r-r.r, but it
hurts. Let me get out quick
Then he rushed up to the bedroom.
and stripped off his clothes. His chest
was the color of a boiled lobster; but
he couldn't, for the life of him, tell
what was the matter. Then his eyes
rested upon something white on his
shirt. He picked up the garment and
examined it. Ten minutes later he
came slowly down stairs, with a dry
mustard plaster in his hands while
thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, ne shook
the plaster under her nose, and said. in
suppressed voice:
Ibid you put that thing in my
Il did it for the best, Mr.. Cooley
she said. 81 thought
''Oh, never mind what you thought,
you idiot! Never mind what you
thought! You've taken the skin clear
Off my bosom, so that L m as raw as a
sirioin steak, and I'll probably never
be we'll again as long as l live. That
lets you out. You play any more tricks
like that on me, and I'll put you in the
coal-bin, and keep you there till you
starve to death. Now mind me-
Then he slammed the door, and
went out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know
to this day what effect the grasshop-
pers are going to have on the Fall
elections.