The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-02-10
size and shape; but l swallowed it

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size and shape; but swallowed it
and began
"Billy is not the only one who has
learned something tonight. | have
learned how q woman can crush \
man in the very face Of truth and jus.
tice, and cover up her own wicked,
wicked ways by praciicing upon his
silly sympathies, and l now give you
fair warning, Mr.. Brown, that when
ever l want my own way, and can't
have it on Straightforward, honest
principles, ! intend to have fits.
hope you will know how to treat q
woman
Mr.. b. is not a Scotchman, and it
is possible to get an idea into his head
without surgical operation; but
even the partner of his joys and sor-
rows will admit that it requires some
thing little short of mental earth
quake to do il. In this instance, he
looked at me, and kept looking, at
FIRST with perfectly blank face, then
with an expression of bewilderment,
then amusement, then with awaken
ing intelligence, and at last with
something like scorn in his eyes. He
did not speak. Like Barkis, he is not
overwhelmed with colloquial powers;
but, unlike Barkis, when he does
speak it counts. As Aunt Becky used
to say about him, "John Brown is =
man of mighty few words, but what
John Brown saws he generally says to
to the pint Feeling, as | suppose
he did on this occasion, that even he
he could not speak sufficiently to the
"pint" to do justice to the subject.
he turned slowly and walked back
into Alice's room.
Now there is no insult so CALLING
to woman as for her husband to re-
fuse to listen to her when she has de-
termined to give him piece of her
mind. To work up ones whole soul
to pitch Of angry eloquence, and find
no audience. Out of the bitter
depths Of my disappointment, was
born another idea.
Quite remarkable, l think, you will
admit, for little dumpling of wo
man to have three ideas in one night;
but then, there was strong head of
steam on-fits are very stimulating
and the family brain was pushing be-
yond its natural pace. Now this third
idea was almost sublime in its audac-
ity. | actually took it into my head
not only to attend the pan,omime in
Alicc's room, but to direct the per-
formances-l short to elect myself
theatrical manager.
So I went and stood by her bed.
She was no better.
"We'll put the ponltices on again.
Mr.. Brown" She looked disgusted
even through her fit. But | wet them
with fresh vinegar, and newly sprink-
led them with red pepper, and hand
ed them over to Mr.. Brown to sput
on"
"Now, Billy" said l, "she will be
better soon. When she begins to re.
cover consciousness, you observe that
the corners Of her mouth will be vio.
lently drawn down, while the outer
corners Of her eyes will be drawn up
ward. l have seen many such cases,
and l know all the changes perfectly
we'll. After that she will remember
how cruelty you have treated her,
and will cry bitterly, and probably re-
proach yoa for your unkindness.
Then she will begin to feel the poul-
tees, and beg US to take them off,
after which she will drink . glass of
vine and go to Sleep"
1t was a sweet thing to see how, IS
soon as the poultices began to make
her think herself in-well, warm
she tried to shape her face in accord
ance with my predictions. She cut
this part Of the performance short,
however, and passed rapidly into the
next. Here she was at home. Such
faces as she made in her efforts to
squeeze out few tears may l never
more behold. The pan.omime ended
here, now; her cries and screams
we're terrific, and more than made up
in tragic and ear-split,ing enuncia-
atoms for lachyrmal deficiency. O,
how she wriggled, and how that
1uintuple, back. action, double-reflex-
ible combination was pulling away at
the dainty cuticle Of her charming
feet.
"Shc is getting better" said Billy.
80, speak to me dearest?"
He had better have left this en-
treaty alone, for he soon found him
self in the position of Ahasuerus,
when he called for his satanic majesty
who presently came and made Ahas.
lerus wish he had called for some
body else. Such reproaches as she
heaped upon his devoted head we're
to make his mother turn in
her grave. After cxhausting her vo.
of abuse, she ordered us 10
va INC CA tuC pouliSCS.
"No," said that thoughtful Mrs. B.,
you will have another fit as soon as
hey are removed"
80, do take them off, dol"
"Now-gently and firmly.
Billy-"O, do take them off,
Alice-"O, do, dow
Interested Malevolence you
want to see your darling dying before
your eyes in another 6,?"
Disinterested Benevolsncs-"Lizzie,
they must come off; they are driving
ner Wild"
Aiice-"They are skinning me;
hey are killing me! Yah-h-h! (pro-
oDged into roar like that Of a brute)
D Lord, l am dying!"
General rush for the foot OF the bed.
held the clothes down firmly, and
old the men to stand back. Surpris.
ID at my vehemcnce, which was GER
Iainly impr essive, IS contrasted with
ny lauguor in the other part Of the
performance, they gave way and stood
back.
so, my darling, try and bear it a
title longer" said Billy, precipitating |
himself upon her breast in an EN-.
BRACE SO violent as to cut another |
vell in two parts. OF course she could
1ot stand this, SO she struck him such
! blow in the face as made him think
here we're fifty mustard poulticss in