Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-10-19
ITEMS OF INTEREST


WHAT is that which is heightened
by being cut at both ends? A ditch.
THEY fine physicians in Brooklyn
for emitting to report contagious cases.
AUTUMN LEAvEs-Departures for
the Centennial.-Boston Commercial
Bulletin.
THERE is plenty of game in the
Black Hills. SeYen-up" and poker
predominant.
WHY has an ocean voyage no terrors
for physicians? Because they are ac-
custOmed to see sickness.
EVERYBODY is thanking Minnesota
for putting an end to the career Of
that Missouri gang of robbers.
A BLIND tramp was restored to sight
at Erie, Pa, by thorough washing
administered at the alms-house.
THERE is pleasure enough in this
life to make us wish to live, and pain
enough to reconcile us to death.
SOME people keep their tongues going
so fast that their heads don't get q
chance to put in thought edgewise.
THERE are now some 5000 un
claimed and lost trunks at the Penn
| sylvania Railroad depot, Philadelphia
MOSQUITOES are getting nipped
themselves. It is the frost that is
| doing this eminently satisfactory thing.
A NUMBER of Peruvian mummies
were sold at auction, in New York
city, the other day, for fifty cents
each.
AN odd marriage has just taken
place in Jersey City. A clergymaness,
who was also the mother of the bride,
officiated.
AN Indian child learns to write Iegi-
bly, in seven months; which is more
than is accomplished in a lifetime by
many whites.
SAYS the London Fam: "To what
length may a widow go when she de-
sires new parent for her children?
CIiS ludy ~ OLAS
THERE is nothing more truly insin-
uating and deferential than the wag-
gle of little dogs tail in the presence
of big dog with a bone. --Brooklyn
ArguS.
MISTER, l say, I don't suppose
you don't know of nobody, what don't
want to hire nobody to do nothing,
don't youy" The answer was, "Yes,
/ don't"
"IT is easier for camel to %
through the knee of an idol than for a
rich man to enter heaven is the III
depreciation which a colored preacher
gave to the Scriptures.
who sat at the extreme end of the
bench where the sun struck with full
force nearly all che afternoon, what
business he'd like to follow when he
grew up to be man. "WeH," said
the lad: "Pop wants me to be law
yer; but guess if I've gotto sit in the
sun all my life, I'd rather drive an ice
cart. '-A7ad9'eaOS' Bozar.
A YALE college graduate has taken
position as conductor on a Massachu-
sets railroad, and he has this advan-
tage over all his brother conductors,
that he can call a nervous, fdgety,
worrying passenger miserable old
one-eyed son of sea cook, and threat
en- to put the biggest kind of head
on him, in original Greel, thus reliev-
ing his feelings without being liable to
be reported to the company.
A WIDOWERs' club has been formed
in Milford, Mass. The platform de-
clares CD that tobacco smoke is the
best known preventive of ennui,
mosquitoes and kindred affections: (2)
that real comfort in this life is to have
things handy; 60 that washerWomen
are mans greatest evil. Membership
in the widowers' club is limited to gen.
tlemen Of average moral character
whose wives are out of town.
GRACE GREENWOOD says that En-
glish gentlemen and ladies are fast re-
gaining the arts Of beauty and grace
in dress lost century or SO ago, I'M
der the monstrous wigs and waistcoats
of the Georges, and the hoops, hair
cushions and steel-ribbed corsets Of the
Carolines and Charlottes. I hold that
an English gentleman of to-day, at the
opera or dinner party, is the best-dressed
man in the world. Next to him comes
the American, and then the French
man."
THE ''pianista' is new invention,
an automatic arrangement by means of
which you grind tunes out of piano
with a crank, all the same as the hand
organ. The chief excellence of this
arrangement is that it does away with
the intolerable two years chant of
"one-nan, two-wan, three-yan, four
ran, One-nan, tWo-Wan," ETC., ad lib.,
which, in the regular course of affairs,
precedes real playing and makes life
outside of a deaf and dumb asylum
very weary burden Eacha1age.