Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-01-14
The Yankee Aladdin.

sing his Wlfe.
The Yankee Aladdin.
George W. Curtis in World of Fashion.
Aladdin began by swapping jack
knives and getting The best, ard bart
ering halves OF marbles stuck To-
gether for whole ones. When he
grew older, and sold berries which
he picked on the hill pastures, he
creased the quart pot, so that a little
capital was carried forward to the
next measure. He hayed hard all
summer, and went to evening
schools all winter, and learned the
golden rule of arithmetic, addition
for himself subtraction for his neigh
Dor; and in all the games, he held
strictly to the rules Of Turnabout.
"You tickle me, and I'll tickle you,
if lean; but all events you tickle me.
At an early age, Aladdin was con
sidered to be good at bargain,
which meant that he always succeed
ed in exchanging the worse for the
better; always keeping the blind eye
Of horse to the wall when he want
ed to sell HIM, and always looking
straight ut 1t when he wanted to buy
him; and the approving village
shook its head and said, "Let Aladdin
alone to succeed"
He grew up and left the village
for the world. "IIe'll be rich," said
the village, with more enthusiasm
and envy than any village says of a
departed boy: "He'll be honest, faith
full and generous" TO Aladdin the
whole world was but a market, in
which to buy cheap and sell dear
For him there was no beauty, nc
herosim, no plety, no history. To
him all lands and waters are alike
for each is unhallowed by associa
ton. No Homer sings for him
along the Eyean; he only curses the
wind that will not blow HIM tc
Odessa. No sirens call to him tol
the sunny shore; he loves the SHARP
oath of a brutal boatswaln.
With bible in his hand and q
qmd in his mouth, he squirts abou,
the holy places of Jerusalem, and
calculates the cost of the s"pulchre
He scratches his name with Il jack
knife upon Egyptian obelisks by the
side Of the hireoglyphed names OF
Ramises and Thothmcs, names thai
shook early history with their gran
durc; and the reverend echoes OF
the Libyan desert, that have slept
since they heard the shout of Alexan
der's army marching to find the or
acle Ammon are awakened by tho
Shrill whistle of Yankee Doodle and
Dan Tucker.
He insults the Grand Lama, hob
nobs with the great Mogul, he turns
his back upon Emperors, and takes a
pinch Of snuff out of the Pope's snuff
box. He eats flesh cut raw from the
animal with Dlnkas and Abyssinians,
cheWs bang with the Arabs, smokes
opium with the Turks, and rides foi
a bride with the Calmuck Tartar.
Then Aladdin comes home. lie
turned his goods and his opportuni.
ties over and over again, and they
are all turned into piles of money
The wise village welcomes him, and
proudly points him out to the Alad
dins Of n younger generation as the
shining example Of the successful
''For, my dear son, just think of it
He began withholding, and now see"
Ny dear son does look, and he sees
Aladdin owning millions of dollars
and of all the Doing good societies
he is chief director. His name is a,
good as gold. He has bought pict
lures and books and statues. He i,
housed in luxury, and he pricks his
mouth with tn silvc fork. He ha.
home for a poet, but he boasts ,ha
he never reads anything but the
newspapers. He goes to churcl
twice on Sundays, and only wake,
up when the preacher reviIes an6
denounces the sinners Of Sodom, an(
those tough old Jews of Jerusalem
His head is oald and shiny with al
the sermons that have hit it an(
glanced off. He clasps his hands ii
prayer but forgets to open them whci
the poor.boX is passed around; anC
he goes home like similarly sue
cessful man, thanking God that he il
not rs other men are; and after din
ner lights Il cigar, sits before the fir.
IN an easy chair, and tells the child
rcn to remember that hone osty is the
best policy, and looks slecply at Mrs
Aladdin through the thick smoke
By-and-by old Aladdin dies. The
conventional virtues are called owe
by the editors rs the mourning carri
ages are called out by the undertak
ers. The papers regret that they are
summoned to dcplore the loss of thu
reverend parent, generous friend
public-spirited citizen, and pious man
Then the precious snapper of jack
knives and moddle for the rising gen
Grafton is left under the sod. Tn,
stars that he never saw now burr
over him with Il soft lustre that nc
lamps above a kings tomb emulate
and the south wind, for whose breath
upon his hot brow he was ncve
greatful, now strews his last bed witt
anemones and violetS, which his hee
crushed while living. And the mel
who are to be formed upon that mod
! el and pursue a similar success, care
lessly ask as they stir their toddies
$50 old Aladdin is gone at last; vii
he Gu. up well?" The sculptor carye
a cherub upon his tombstone an'
graves the motto. "By their works
ye shall know them," while some
quiet Charles Lamb, with insanity il
his family, asks as he reads, Alddin'
cpitaph, "Where be all the bad people
buried?"
Diptheria, that so much dreaded
disease, may usually be checked il
taken in season, but if neglected be
yond a certain time, it often battle.
the highest skill. The first symptom.
of the diseasc-sorc throat, fever an(
general prostration-are too often re