Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-08-02

Humorous.

Humorous.
WHAT kind of sweetmeats were there
in the Ark? Preserved pairs.
SHEEP are selling in California at ff-
ty cents per head and the degradation
OF mutton is complete.
The most fashionable straws now are
about eight inches long, and are worn
upright In tumbler.
A BREED of dogs in Australia are of
the kind that do not bark. Half the
pleasure of keeping dog is gone when
the bark is removed.
MAN was made to mourn, and vet
when he strikes out for China on q
banana skin he doesn't talk like a
mourner.
You will notice that when boy steps
on Canada thistle, Or sticks a splinter
into his foot, 1t is invariably few min
utes before school.
SPEAKING of recent gale in Central
Illinois, dispatch to Chicago said,
"Most of the fences are by this time
passing New Orleans"
" MAMMA, don't you want some nice
candy?" said shrewd little child.
eyes, dear, l should like some."
"Then, if you'll buy some, I'll give you
half !" lisped the polite girl
AN old lady reading the following
expression in her morning paper,
prevalent (sic)," remarked: "Well,
| don't wonder at him being sick such
Heterogeneous ignorance [ never did
saw"
WHEN girl 10 years OF age cries her
eyes red over the loss of ten cents worth
Of sassafras candy, it seems as if the
scheme to enfranchise women would
float off like castle in the air and dis
solve into everlasting nothingness.
A FEW weeks since Chicago drum
mer saw a young lady ploughing
field in Macoupin, Ill. He stopped to
ask: when do you begin cradIing?"
''Not until the heads are better filed
than yours, was the sententious reply.
''WHAT is that, darling?" asked
young st. Louis husband of his Chicago
bride. She turned the heaven of her
deep blue eyes upon him and answered.:
"Thats one of my CATERS, dearest"
"Ah,'' he added, softly, Il thought it
was dog-kennel." -Andrew's Basar.
HEAR you are desperately court
ing the chambermaid," said man to
his servant. "That is my business"
was the reply. "But I hear, too, that
she favors your attcn TONS" "That is
her business" "Bu. do you know that
| shall instantly put you outside the
door ?" That is your business"
Now here is case of pure innocense:
Tnuyo 70 i1roo1 ON ,,1ouo 1,booo
nal lantern, like that of the foolish viz
gins, was left without oil, wrote to the
supply Office for ''some more of the
red oil" not knowing that the color of
the lantern globe had something to do
with the color Of the light it threw out.
Two Hlbernians were passing sta
! BILE which had rooster on it for
,, weather-vane, when one addressed the
other thus Pat, what's the rason
they didn't put hin up there, instid of
rooster ?" can sure" replied Pat,
: that's aisy enough don't you see it
would be inconvanient to go for the
eggs?"
How many Christian man leans
thoughtfully out of the window these
summer nights, listening intently tc
the voices of visiting cats in caucus on
the woodshed roof, while he poises a
bootjack for a throw, and sings softly
line from that tender serenade: Chou
art so near and yet so far"
IT is noticeable that the Black Hills
furore has not ragged SO fercely among
the youth of our land since the arrival
of news from Gen. Clusters command.
Many boy who ten days ago was saw
ing up his pennies to buy railroad
: ticket and revolver, now walks out in
} to the back yard and chops kindling-
| wood without a murmur.
A BUSINESS man of James street hired
laborer, last week, to cut the grass in
his yard and tidy up his premises. At
noon the man returned to the Office,
saying I've cleaned up the yard
an cut most of the grass, an sure, sor,
a man he tould me I was in the wrong
: yard, but he said it would make divil
the bit O. difference, be dad. Rome
Sentinel
AN. English paper contains an adver-
tisement of a circus as follows: "The
largest travelling collection of animals
tame and wild-ever collected togeth-
er is now on exhibition in the grounds
and building of the Crystal Palace. 1t
consists of equestrians, acrobats, clowns,
musicians, 1872 horses, Is ponies, 9 ele-
plants, lions, camels, besides mon
keys, dogs, mules and other animals"
| The Boston Globe announces the rule
tn at " a beautiful female foot should
be one seventh that wearer's height"
IF the Wearer should be five feet four
inches high, then the foot should be
nine inches high; and it should of
course, be three times as long as high,
which would give it a length Of twenty
seven inches.
He was an applicant for the position
of writing teacher in one of our public
schools. They gave him copy-book,
and asked him for specimen of what
he could do. He took up the pen, and
| in hon hot IOol1ol