The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1876-02-04
The New Sehoiar-A Humorous StO'
ry Of Practical Life.
BY NJ QUAD.

/ the wood hox. When the children re
peated the Lords PRAYER" in concert
the new boy kept time with his heel
and when they came TO sing he argued
that variety was the spice of song, and
attempted to sing one of his own-nn'
about a gentleman named Daniel Tuck
er, whe dreamed that he was dead and 81
forth. The teacher warned him to keel
still, and he replied that he wouldn'
come to that school if his musical qnal
ifcatinns were to be overlooked Wher
school finally opened. the teacher secnr
ei his name. and began asking him ques
tions in order to find out how he should
be graded.
"Can you spell ?" she asked.
what kind Of spelling?" he cautious
ly replied.
Spell 'honse'. if you please"
Frame or brick house?'
ANY kind of a house"
"With a mortgage on it?'
lyon may spell man if you will,
she laid, giving him a severe look.
/ "Man?"
/ "Yes."
81 don't care much about spelling
IMAM this morning, but ] will this af-
ternoon. I've spelled it with my eyes
shut"
"Do you know yonr alphabet ?" she
asked, changing the subject.
"Never had anyw was the prompt re-
ply.
"Do you know anything about read
/ ing?"
II read like lightningw he answer
7 ed.
She handed him reader and said:
Let me hear you read"
"Read right out loud?'
! "Yes."
"I'm afraid il would disturb the chill.
dren." he whispered.
''io on, and let me hsar yon read"
He looked carefully at the page, scowl-
ed his brow and read:
"If | was lame boy and didn't get
any peanuts in my stocking Christmas
DUN my eyes! but I'd make things
jump around that house the next morn
ing!"
He handed the book back, and the
teacher asked:
Richard, how many are three and
three?"
"Three and three what?" he inquired.
Anything"
"It's good deal according to what it
is" he replied, as he settled back.
know thar three and three cats don't
make dogp'
"Did yon ever study geography, Rich.
ard?"
Eyes, man."
"What is geography"
"It's book"
as this world round or hat?''
Hills and hollers" he replied.
Richard. can you writer"
Write WHAT"
"Can you write your name?"
Il could, suppose; bnt I've got my
name without writing it,"
"Can you write letter."
"Who TOP"
ITO any one"
eyes could if had the money to
pay the postage"
"Well. Richard" she said in despair,
"yon1l have to go into the lower room
if you want to come to school here"
"I'd ruther stay here"
"But vou can't"
"I'll bet you this knife agin ten cents
can"
She took him by the arm to remove
him, but he laid his hand on her shouI-
ders and said in a warning voice:
"Don't get me mad, now, or III let
myself loose"
She called the principal down, and as
he approached the boy he commanded:
"Boy. what are you dning here?"
"Geuing educashunw replied Rich
ard
You go right down stairs now!'' con
timed the principal.
"Well, don't sass me. for was never
here before" replied Richard, slowly
moving his legs as if he meant to get
down.
The principal took him by the collar
and jerked him around Got kicked on
the shin and bitten in the wrist, and fin
ally landed the yonng student on the
walk
"Now Won 60 home!" he shouted, as he
tried to recover his breath.
Gam I edncatei?" inquired Richard
"You seem to be-"
Gimme a diplony, then"
"Yon clear out, or I'll have you arrest
ell"
"Hain't a scholar in this school nc
more?"
"No. sir"
"Who owns this school -houae?" de
manded the hoy.
No matter-vou clear ont"
| W lll EOI CpillS OUT III the ydTO
where you can hang to anything" ask
ed tie boy.
"Begone, ! say!'
"Don't draw no derringer on mer warn
ed the boy "a he backed off, "nor don't
think yon can scare me with any ofyour
hnwie knives"
The principal walked in and shut the
door, and after the new boy had stood
there long enough to show he WASH,
afraid he turned and walked off, growl-
ing to himself:
"l'lI get the foreman of No. to pound
that feller afore he's a week older"
Unexpected Spread of the English
Language.
From the Charleston Is. c. Courier.l
The most wonderful curiosity in CO.