Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1876-11-09

Cats-trophy-A mouse.
How dancers are chOsen--By ballet
Stanley must have arrived at Ijijijijiji.
An art eascl-y learned-Porlrait painting
Indian ladies' fashion-Trails and whoOp-
skirts
Natural born woodchoppcrs-The Chip
way Indians.
How to conduct regattas-On the YOU
row-pean PLAN
Advice to young men about to settle doom
Settle up first.
1t was the wife of q ragged hummer who
said at midnight, 1t is never too late to
mend"
An Irish Judge said, when addressing a
prisoner, " You are to be hanged, and hope
it will be warning to you.
A London genius has attached a whistle to
the end Of his dogs tail. BY this arrange
ment the dog can call his own master
The new servant girl on the first morning
after her arrival, ingeniousy asks, And
does girls that lives out have to make their
own beds, mum - Fact.
An Irish barrister. just arrived in England,
had bad habit Of putting out his tongue,
=" l suppose said Jekyill, THAT heis trying
to catch the English accent"
"Thc single scull race :" exclaimed an old
lady as she laid down the morning paper.
I" My gracious. | didn't know there was a
race Of men with double skulls
farmer had twenty sick sheep, one died;
how many did he have left? The "sick +"
sounds like " six" and the result is connn-
drum s. that no fellow can find OUT
Irish drll-sergeant Ito squad of maitia-
mcn)-''Prs'nt Arms = astonishing result
=" Hiv'ins what a 'prisnt!' Just step out
here now, an look at yersilves !''-PunM.
A ticket speculator offers a visitor ticket
for Wagners first night: Fifty francs +?
That's awfully dear" Possibly; but this
is for the best seat in the house. "Where ?" |
g Nearest the door,
You labor over-much at your composi-
ton, doctor" said tiippant clergyman to an
eminent divine. 81 write sermon in three |
hours, and make nothing of it, $50 your
congregation says, quoth the doctor
The superiority of man to nature is con
tinualy illustrated in literature and in life. |
Nature needs an immense quantity of quills |
to make goose with but man can make
goose or himself in five minutes with one
quill.
The owner of a pair of bright eyes saws
'"' VIZ PiStllCSI compliment SUC ever re-
celved came from child four years old.
The little fellow, after looking intently at
her eyes moment, inquired naively care
your eyes new ones 2"
Two friends met ON the Boulevard; "Good-
day; how are yOu?' "Eh ?" 81 say how
are you p "Speak louder" "Why. what's
the matter with you ?" "Just back from
Baireuth."
"Seventy-seven holes in one pair of trou-
sers, said Jones meditatively, "andyet Mrs.
J. said that no moth would approach that
,amphor wood chest for which paid twenty I
dollars. Can ], ah, can l ever trust nv
souls idol again. {
. A theological student, supposed to be de-
hclent in judgment, was asked by professor J
u the course of class examination, "Pray.
'lr E., how would you discover fool?'
By the questions he would ask" was the =
ather stunning reply.
a soldier on trial for habitual drunkenness
'as addressed by the President of the court. :,
lartlal Prisoner, you have heard the !.
roSecutlon for habitual drunkenness; what y
ave you to say in your defense 2" "Noth- +
lg, please your honor, but habitual thirst" z
',Oh, my dear sir, said poor sufferer to e
dentist, that is the second wrong tooth d
GU have pulled out" "Very sorry, nv dear n
r, said the blundering operator ''but, as tt
lere were only three together when began. IL
IN sure to be right the next time" ir
~<~<~~ Y,