Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-03-15
The average American is five feet
nine inches in height and his wife five
foot twn

: The average American Is five Zee
: nine inches in height and his wife fiv
feet two.
That's going too far, as the Bostol
man said when his wife ran away t
San Francisco with another man.
An English revivalist slid down tn
: banisters of his pulpit in order t
. / show how people went on back-slid
ing.
4 The Mobile Register says the Office
seekers from the South at Washing
ton care for the most part vaga
bonds"
Marriage" said an unfortunate
husband, "is the church-yard of love.
And you men," replied his wife. "ar,
| the grave diggers."
i Apply soapsuds to suspected leak,
joint in the gas pipe. The formation
of bubbles will show any escape. Thi
is safer than trying the joint with ;
lighted match.
! A Russian paper predicts that with
! in five years all the European powers
will have war on their hands. Lett
keep neutral and sell powder to eacl
one.-DetsOH Free Press.
st doesn't take me long to make
up my mind. can tell YOU" said 8
conceited fop. cts always so whert
the stock Of material to make up il
SMALL" quietly remarked Young
lady.
"An oyster weighing seven and q
half pounds. in its jacket is the
weigh Newburg (N. Y.) paper dc.
scribes monster bivalvc which sold
for 30 cents, and made meal for the
man who bought it.
A Middlctown Comm compositor
has calculated that in the course of a
years type-setting the average COM
position will set up more than 1000
OOO separate pieces, which, with their
distribution. require more than l5..
100000 motions of the hand.
There are people in Lancaster. Pa.
who are unable to appreciate the
hnmor of comic valentines, and Daniel
Burkholder is one Of them. lie has
brought suit against fellow towns
man for sending him several of these
missive-, alleging that the same are
libelonS.
A great many foreign Counts have
visited Chicago, and the Chicago
journal has met them, and its opin-
ION is given in two lines and half.
viz: "Many a man who would fail
as car conductor could take hold and
make first-class foreign count"
lie entered car door. When the
brakeman came inside and took a key
out Of his pocket. unlocked the stove.
put In some wood. and locked the
door again. he asked him what he
locked the stove door for. The
brakeman shut his left eve and said
he locked the door <o the fire couldn't
60 ont.
SO great is the excitement over the
recent discoveries at Pixies Peak. aud
so rich all the country Whereabouts.
that a citizen of Colorado Springs. as
a joke, reduced a stone jug in NOR
tar. carried the powder to an assayer.
and was much surprised 10 find that
the jug yielded at the rate of $l7.S2
to the ton. The assayer is evidently
determined not to let the new district
suffer .or want Of favorable reports.
There i a watch in a Swiss museum
only three-~iNtrenths of an inch in
diameter. inserted in the top OF Il
pencil ease. lis little dial indicates
not only hours, minutes and seconds.
but also days of the months. II is IA
relic of old times, when watches were
inserted in saddles. snuff boxes. shirt
studs. breast pins. brooches. and finger
rings.
In the leisure hours OF Jail life,
some inmates of the prison of hester
county. Pa. have educated and do.
mesticated Il mouse. II leaps ovel
bars. climbs poles. walks backward.
and climbs miniature ladder reach
ing to its house. Its owner curtailcd
ii to take away ills spirit, and plunged
! ii in bucket Of water for every ac,
! Of disobedirncc. This treatment had
the desired effect.
The Centennial Commissioners art
being seriously pestercd by person,
! who think the Exposition is to be &
big curiosity show, and want to send
all their two-hcadcd chickens and six.
/ legged calves to be placed on eNhibi.
ton. Ono man in Tennessee has
/ written to know if space can be had
! for deformed child, the deformity
being something quite out Of the or,
F! binary course; and another patriot
wants 10 send mammoth OK. 1t i,
cta tod hat Ion 4 q ,1.,,,
to the Commissioners is occupied in
declining. with thanks, these Offers.
T President Elliot, of Harvard. told
the, following story Of himself at the
recent dinner of the New Yorl
Harvard Club. lie said that, conirar,
to the usual course of nature. he was
growing younger instead of older a
years advanced. About twenty years
ago, when he was tutor and proc
tor, he was disturbed. one night. by ;
noise in the yard. and, going out t,
see what was the matter, he heard {
voice eNblaim. "Here comes OLD
Elliot Rnt last Winter, walking in
to town, one evening, he met two un
dergraduates. and heard one say Il
the other, when he had passed by, 6.
wonder where Charlie is going at ihi
time Of night
The Sioux City .Joufaoi we'll says
!, II will he well for those who under
!. take to make political capital agains
the Republican party out OF Genera
Belknaps corruption. to rcmembe
that there was once Secretary o
War by the name of John Is. Floyd
and that he was the last Democrat
! occupant OF that position. Relknap'
bribe-iaking was personal matter
and while lis conduct Is despicabl
, it is not a thrust al The life Of the ma
ton. ut snor well to speak of rope
. and halters in mixed company, fo
Z somo one may have had fricn
hanged"