The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1876-03-02

NY answered tneC three SQcu were lynX
lead. Then ]: die happy he sighed,
nd "a was. soon no more. .<..} ....> INV
married man uptown bought ono Of
he leaP-year ne>k.ties, which upon pull. |
nga cord discloses the word mo- in
ront. He pulled the cord the other day |
Then his wifs asked him for money. Now
70 is using some leap.year hair restorative
bit has no faith in it. - - * 49,. -. !
Il The bridegroom WAS = chilly little fell
ow, and - the; church was quite cold. he
lid nothing batlshake ard quake. during
the holstceremony.: 1t was, therefore,
hat friend Of tho bride remarked to =
sitter the marriage: swell,
I'm sure If I were Jane I'd just ~ lief;
have married bad case Of the Stain
Island ague. ~: -; 81 80. ,:t -. : ::
A Highland minister who found his con.
gregation going to. sleep one Sunday be:
fore he had fairly commenced suddenly
stopped and exclaimed, s:Brethren it's
nae fair; gle = mon half>a chance. Wait
till 1 get alang, and then il I'm nae worth
gang to Sleep; but dinna, be-
fore 1 get began; gie mon = chance. !
"A Brooklyn girl recently: experienced
religion under. one Of Talmage's' ser.
mons, and the next day ordered new silk
dress. hat. ETC., and then after putting
extra stuf1ing in; her hustle, informed
her mother that she WAS prepared for her
religious duties, and never intended to
miss Sunday at church when the wealth.
or was fine. - - -;
Benjamin. shouted Mrs. Toodles to
her husband, who was going out Of the
gate, s'bring me five cents worth of snuff
when you GOMEZ ''Snuff! Mrs. Toodles,
snuff" he CALCULATED. IS he paused with
his hand on the latch; mo, no. Mrs. TODD.
les, the times arc too hard to admit Of such
extravagancs; you must tickle your nose
with straw when you want to sneeze."
Little Willie having hunted in all the
corners for his shoes, 1T last appears to
give them up, and climbing on = chair,
betakes himself to big look on tho side
table. Mother says to him: "What is
darling doing with the book!" "1t is the
dictionary; papa lookth in the dictionary
for things, and I'm looking in it to see il
can find my Shoes"
A Philadelphia milliner apprentice
went to visit her mother in tho country
last Sunday, and when that worthy ma.
tron beheld her child she exclaimed {:
Isabel Marie Stephens, what on airth do
you mean coming out in broad daylight,
with your gown all kajummuxed up in a
heap behind ye, and all bound up that
way in front Of ye! And hain't ye got
no stockings all Of one color, that ye hat
to wear them zebra-colored things
Thought ye was goin' to be q lnilliner.
Sh'd think J d married barber, and was
playin' up sign-board for him. Did
ever think one Of my girls would come to
this!"
Scene in Green Bay, Wisconsin, police
court, Justice Westman presiding. Sew
eral gamblers were under examination,
and one Of. the witnesses Was questioned
about what he knew Of gambling in the
saloons in town. Yes he had seen gamb.
ling going on in most Of them. 'Well.
one, for instance - II have seen men
gambling in tho Old York Saloon
"What were the stakes!" 'sThey were
horse on one side and money on the
other" swell, which won?'' "Judge
Wcstman won the horse" Pcrcmptory
command from the bench--"Thcre, that
will do: this examination is reaching
into too wide range altogether"
Tho fellow who can't read = man's
character by looking At his butes is no
fellow at ALL" soliliquized Big jim.
"When you see man stubbin' around
with dried mud on his toes, you can set
it down that he hasn't any get up and get
in him. If he lets the mud come way up
his heel, you bet he can't earn dellar 4
day, for he's slow. II he's got dust on
his butcs, he's reckless and won't never
lay up anything; but if his butes' catch
the rays Of the morning sun, and splinter
'em all to pieces in blaze Of glory, thc,,
he's hound to have big house on the
avenue, and hull potato bin full Of
bonds-shine 'em u.p!" #
Mrs. G. NJ. Burnham, Of Des Moines,
Iowa, furnishes specimen of army. red
tape that far exceeds in length and con-
volutions that which embodied Patrick
Noonan's breeches. Her father Asa
Sprague, was soldier in the war Of 1912
and It the capture Of Ogdensburg lost all
his clothing and personal effects OF consid'
cradle value, being 1t. the time dangerous
~ i'll With fever. He escaped by being
drawn by bis two sisters on han sled
to HeWvelton, seven miles. The extreme
exposure cost HIM three years of severe
illness, from which he never fully re.
covered His claim for his lost clothing
was allowed about l848 or lS4o. and tool
it's slow tortuous course in charge Of "th'
Office until Dec. 1874, when he finally
received: $50. This was about tiv,
months before his death in June, 1875
at tho age 81 81 years. Next!
4 fellow. entered saloon down.tow,
yesterday and called for cigar, which
was furnished him by tho man behind tn
bar. The;customer then asked him if b
could change. the cigar for glass Q
whisky, and was again Accommodated. HI
drank the whisky with the gusto Of |
saltwater sailor, gave back the cigar, ant
started for tho. door. The bar.keepe
called him back, and asked him TO pa.
for the whisky. The man said. "Didn't
| give you tho cigar for the: whisky =
"Yss, ), said: the .bar-kecper, '.bat now
want pay for, the, cigar. 81. have no
rot tie cigar z; you io, have it; and I canno
pay for something have not received ;
and before tho bar-keeper cleared up hi
brain tho man had cleared out. =;
The Bradford Argus says: "A >younI
man of.this place who. is particular abou
| hi.s, washinx, the other day wrote not
I to His fwlsher!woman and 2one to his girl
and; by q strange fatality put the wron
address on, each envelope and sent then