davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

Parents were born 10 be a great
trouble to their offspring. When l
was ever so little | remember / tried
to hang up the kitten by my whip
lash, and mother took the kitten away
and boxed my ears, and went and
drowned it herself next day. So she
had all the fun herself And fathers
worse than mother. He told me to
take care of the pennies and the dol
lars would take care Of themselves, so
l and Ben Smith formed an anti
swearing club. We had rule that
for every profane word we used we
would pay cent into the treasury
We had - cents in the first day, but
when fetched 37I cents home, father
said it was bad business, whipped me,
and broke up the club. How is IA fell
low to know when he is doing right?
If had no parents to hound me round
I'd beat George Washington all hol-
Ter, for I'd cut down every cherry tree
in the garden, and own it, too. If
was an orphan / know what I'd do.
Ben Smith and me would go to IA
dcsolate South Sea Island and stir up
the goats and monkeys and things,
fry toadstools, eat oranges spell, and
we'd make IA ship and sail around the
world. What's the use of drying up
in one place. | told mother one day,
when she wouldn't give me ten cents,
that / meant to go II whaling and
hoped a whale would swallow me as
one did Jonah, and then she wouldn't t
never never see me again, for | cant
swim. She said wouldn't be likely
to make such visit, for ! would turn
the whales stomach mighty quick af-
ter / got there Wasn't she bully? If
| wer. u ,ar,nt know what I'd do
I'd keep still and mind my own busi-
ness, and let my children have some
fun. There's Tom Cuts lives with
his aunt, and has bully time. He
goes wood-chucking on Sundays, has
no best clothes, crawls under the can
vass of every circus tent, earns money
ut every theatre, sleeps in the stable
when he likes, and always has his
pockets full of peanuts. He says he
wouldn't be bothered with parents il
he could have 'em for nothing, and he
thinks if hadn't any it would be
money in my pocket. Them's my
scntiments.-Ei Eimiru Gazctte.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
How to get Along.

Don't stop 10 tell stories during
business hours.
If you have place of business, be
found there when wanted.
No man can get rich by sitting
around stoves and saloons.
Never "iooln in business matters.
Have order, system and regularity
and also promptness.
Donot meldle with thing. you know
nothing of.
Don't kick every sone..in your path.
More miles can be made i'm day by
going steadily that by stopping.
Pay a. yoa go.
The following sayings" by poor
Richard are worthy of place just
here:
The eye OF the master will do more
work than both his hands.
Diligence is the mother OF good
luck.
Now | have a sheep and COW all
the people bid me good morrow
He that hath calling hath an
office of profit and honor.
\ plowman on his legs i. higher
that a gentleman on his knees.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

The Strawberry Point Press has II
"codicilo to the snake story which we
quoted from its columns last week. 1t
will be remembered that Mrs. Clifford,
while at work alone in her kitchen,
saw a snake lift its head to the window
sill and deliberately crawl into the
room. Mrs. G. had no sooner obtained
II full view Of his snakeship than she
arrived ut the conclusion that there
was not room enough for it and her in
the same house so she went to Il
neighbor's, when Mr.. Rankin came
and killed IL. Additional particulars
are given by the Press a. follows:
"Mr. Rankin found the reptile in the
bedroom. 1t had crawled on the bed
and was partially buried beneath the
pillows. Mr.. r. had Il gun with him,
with whith he expected to do some
shooting, but fearing that the bed
might be set on fire, he procured II
long handled pitch fork, and placing
III near tilc sfl:thc 1lta', uioNt ONO III
the tines through it into the wall.
notwithstanding the length of the
pitch fork handle, in the struggle Mr.
Rankin had his hands full to
keep out Of the way of the monsters
tail that thrashed around at fearful
rate After the first snake was killed
IA sharp look out was kept for its mate,
which was supposed to be somewhere
about the premises. The supposition
proved to be correct The next NOR
ming the two little boys sitting on the
porch saw the other snake stick up
its head between the boards. when
one of them ran tine Of the fatal
pitchfork through its neck, and held
on until clubs were procured, with
which it was killed. This reptile
proved to be much longer that the one
captured in the house, as it measured
eight feet i'm length!'
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
Theodore seems to be about rs SCUM,

Theodore seems to be about rs sound
a sleeper as Bessie Turner. That
somnolent damsel didn't wake up
when Theodore carried her from one
bed to another; Theodore is SO sleepy
nights that, when he strays into the
wrong berth in sleeping car, really
doesn't notice the tritiing fact that
there is a woman in it until his atten-
ton Is specially called to the matter.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

The Watertown, On. W Times asks:
What il pleasanter to look upon than
happy family? That is what we
saw at the depot this morning. The
father of the family once lived in this
section. He went West and grew up
with Iowa, and to-day returned with
a family of wife and six children to
visit relatives. The children were all
nicely dressed, and from the appear
ance of their happy faces one would
suppose they were going to visit cir
Gus instead of grandmother.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
READ AND REFLECT.
Those Rebel Claims---Vh hat was
Done In the Green Trce--.FOOd
for sober Thought.

In case Samuel j. Tildcn il elected
President and is backed by Il Demo
cratic Congress, what disposition will
be made of the Southern claims for
damages inflicted by the Union troops
in keeping the South in the Union
This is Il question which should be
considered before ii is too late by the
taxpayers of the North, and, i'm con-
sidering it, two facts should be kept
prominently in mind. First, if the
Democratic party is successful, the
House will be dominated by Confed-
crates, and party policy will be die
tated by them. They ruled the dough-
faces before the war, and they have
already given them to understand
that they must submit to the yoke.
Second, Mr.. Tilden has publicly an
nounced himself State Rights man
and while the war was pending de-
clared that he would oppose every ef-
fort of the Government To coerce the
South into the Union. Putting these
two facts together, we shall have
Congress that will admit all these
claims and President that will APP
prove them, unless it can be shown
that the South is indifferent To the
payment of them, and that Mr.. Tilden
is not friend of the solid South
upon which he relies for his election.
As these claims will be introduced,
and rs Northern men will have to pay
them, ii is a matter of first importance
to consider them in their entirety.
The Congressional records of the last
session furnish the data. Twenty-Five
bills of general nature were intro
duced by the Southern Reformer5, Of
which the following are fair samples:
II. II. No. g. ,43O, by the Hon. l.. j.
Ellis, of Louisiana: Appropriates
81 ,202 900 to repair and rebuild the
lcvees on the Mississippi River.
ii. II. No. ,693, the Hon. II. H..
Gibson, of Louisiana: For rebuilding
levees, etc, on the Mississippi River,
5,25O,UOD.
IL. r. No. 645, by the Hon. Benja-
min Wilson, OF West Virginia: TO
indemnify West Virginia for damage
to roads and bridges in Marion county
by the Union armies, S200,00.
IL. r. No. 232, by the Hon. Philip
Cook, of Georgia: Proposes to refund
to claimants, S6s, ,012,0oO, collected rs
the internal revenue tax OF cotton in
1863 and subsequently.
II. II. No. -, by the Hon. j. j.
Davis, of North Carolina: Repeating
Sec. 3,4S0 Revised Statutes, which for
bids the payment of certain disloyal
claimants, and appropriating Sjo0,o0a
for payment of such claims.
IL. r. No. 2,233, by the Hon. J. w.
Throckmorton, of Texas: Appropri-
ating $3.50, 900 for relief of disloyal mail
contractors in the Southern States.
These claims are not only for the
purposes above cited, but for numerous
others-among them the refunding of
the cotton tax; compensation for the
use and occupation of property by the
Union army; the rcfunding Of the di-
rect tax; compensation for cotton
seized; the relief Of disloyal mail con-
tractors, and so on. The aggregate of
these general claims, rs shown by the
record, is as follows:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
EXCELSIOR.
II. j. Bl.RDETrE.

II. j. BURDETrE.
The shades of might've falling fast,
When through New York city passed
wan old man, trembling shadow,
Who'd heard bad news from Colorado.
Adown the street he heard the tread
OF tax assessor; ''Shoh!" he said;
IL wish the prince of darkness had you
You cooked my goose in Colorado.
"Oh, stay" Dorsheimer said, "ani rest;
And hear the news from way out west"
He sadly answered, "Nuh." he said;
There's nothing good in, Col-o-rad o."
look out for storms in Ohio,
When Indiana cyclones blow"
This was Don Voorhees, last adicu,
And Shamuel sneezed, "Color-at ehu,'
A lonely traveller, faint and sick
Was sadly journeying up salt creek;
Who muttered as he onward trod, ,"Oh,
bod blame that gaul dinged Coloroddov'
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

Mr.. Tilden gathered his weeping
friends around him and said in q voice
husky with emotion, "My faithful
usufructs, let us en- Denver to be COM
posed.n
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

The tramp law enacted by our legis-
lature at the last session will probably
be declared unconstitutional. The
State of Maine has a similar law, and
the Supreme Court there has decided
that it il violation of the Constution
of the United States to send a tramp
or vagrant to the work-house without
due process of law. The language OF
the court is as follows: "
"If white men and women can thus
summarily be disposed of at the North,
of course black ones may be disposed
of in the same way at the South. Thus
the very evil which it was particular
ly the object of the Fourteenth
Amendment to eradicate will still ex-
ist." The Amendment provides that
mo State shall deprive any person of
life, liberty or property without due
process of law" The Supreme Court
of Maine holds that the summary
commitment of cramps and general
vagrants to the work-house," Is q de-
privation of liberty not in conformity
with the "due process of law" and
hence forbidden by the Fourteenth
Amendment.-Cedar Rapids Repub-
cH31, s .a
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

In addition to this vast amount of IA
general nature, an immense number
OF private relief bills was introduced
by the Democrats for use and damage
done to or destruction of property in
the insurrectionary States, and for
stores and supplies taken, cotton and
other property captured, and other
miscellaneous claims arising out Of
the late Rebellion. These are classi
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

Children rarely comprehend the
idea that Providence watches over all
they do, and seldom appreciate the
fact so often taught them, i'm different
ways, that what seems to them impos-
siblc is possible with the Great Dis
poser of all events.
An illustration of this came to our
knowledge the other day which we
think Is good enough to 90 in print.
A little boy about five years of age,
was sent to a grocery store, on some
trifiing errand, and while there his
bright eyes lighted upon barrel OF
pippins exposed tcmptingly to view
lust outside the door. In going out,
it appears he took one, and returned
to his mother munching it.
"Wherc did you get that nice apple,
Willie" inquired his mother.
"Dot it at the drocery, replied Will
lie.
"Dld the man give it to you''
"No, took it,"
"Why, Willie, that was naughty
You should not take apples or any
thing else without permission.
"But nobody saw me-
80! ycs, Willic-there was one who
saw you.'
"Who?"
"Why, God saw you"
Willie stopped moment to consid-
er, and then, with good deal of sat.
faction expressed in his face, replied
"No he didn't, ma. There nns an
uuutU1 orer The store"
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
Dentist.
Aucttonesr
HNI, NJ. KNOTT,


JEWEI.ER Dealer in Clocks, Watches.
J Jewslry, silver and Plated Ware, Books
and Stationery. Also News Depot. All the
;eading Magazines aud Datlies kspt con-
s,antiy on hand. store on Cedar street, one
door south of City Hall. Tirton. Iowa. wv
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19
Lodges.
Exchange Office.

CfaIlT DRAFTS ON NEW YORK AND
- CHICAGO. for any required amount can
be procured of the subscriber. Also, Bills
OF Exchange !" British Sterling on Eng
tand or ireland.
certificates Of Deposit and Bank Drafts on
New York Philadelphia, Boston or Chicago
Rshcd. and Government Securities pur
chased.
Passage Tickets from Liverpool london
derry or Glasgow To New York or Clarence
furnished on moderate terms.
VIM. II. TUTlIILI..
Upton, Iowa. Sept. lst. 1870.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-10-19

IL CAMP. 10, pIOO0Uiy the WOISt
lot Of the hardest camps that ever
lodged the penitentiary are now in
the State, attending the Democratic
convention Of nonresident imported
voters, at Indianapolis.
1t seems that Mr.. Hobbs, reformer,
who is now shrieking for Tilden and
reform in Indiana, was once county
superintendent, and has decidedly
interesting record in connection with
his official career; quite reformatory
twang to it, in fact.
They really say that the trunks left
with the Philadelphia landlady by
boarders who fit and leave no sign,
are SO light with emptiness that they
have to be anchored down to keep
them from flying out of the window
and soaring up into the blue empy-
rean.
The fact that men who have patien-
ly and blissfully smoked short black
pipes all summer have now gone back
to cigars, three for quarter, il an un-
answerable indication that good
times are coming.
He'll Gate cocktails are the fashion,
able tipple since the great explosion.
They are remarkable for the wonder
full faculties they extend to man who
wants to get on ''bust.n
We'll, uncle, how is the cause Of
religion getting on In your neighbor-
hood?" Mighty poor mighty poor"
mo new converts, ehe', mot single
one-nOt Q sign Of one" whats
the matter, them" asked the citizen
after = lengthy pauae. De matter Is
dat some one has sta1en bur ~ water
MELONS out O. my cart d. afternoon,
an feel in my bones dat religion IL
gwine down hill all frOo dis locality.n
--Roseigh News.
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22
.Uccess in 1dCertislnD.

In times past it was thought immOdest to
proclaim the exec Hence of once foods. OF to
solicit patronage for them in newspapers.
During the asst twenty-five years through
the INN 'nse co npeliiiJn in trade. 1t has be-
come q necessity The public are always
anxious to learn of progress, but are equally
de -irous to avoid all frauds, as they have
become skeptical of an article possessing
genuine merit, and are particularly preju..
diced against sterling announcements OF
some rev and wonderful medlne without
character or WORTH. Stilr the public are
grateful TO manufa cturers or inventors OF ar
tcles OF merit, even IL known as medicines I;
many OF them are the result OF years OF care
ful study by our most eminent chemists and
physicians, ar d embrace such pI inciples and
productions as Quiuine, ChlOrotorm, Chloral
Hydra.e, Porous listers, &c.
Success in advertising depends much upon
tbs intrinsic worth OF the article t-elt even
thorTh it be a medical preparation. AS an
evidence of this, celebrated physician ol
New York made great Improvement in For.
ous Plasters by adding CAPCiNE on account
of its givinJ Increased effect and quicker re
lief and cure than any known mcdicical
pi operty; he hesitated about advertising
fearing his reputation would be injured. A
firm OF Pharmaceu .ical Chemists in his city
learning of this fecued improve ment. made
an arranRen ent with this physician and com
menced advertising in the best newspapers
in a short time the sale increased from hun
dreds to thousands until now the sale oi
HENSON'S CAPCISE PLASTERS IS exceedingly
| large and daily increasing. They can be OBJ
| tanned OF any Druggist nv 25 cents each.
| febl0-lm
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22
THE POSTAGE Law,
HAMLfN TAXES THE PRoPLE FOR TIN
EXPRESS COMPANIES.


HAMLfN TAXES THE PRoPLE FOR THE
EXPRESS COMPANIES.
From the Telegraph
One of the very first resolutions Of
ferred in the House of Representatives
at the present t0rm of Congress was
one for the repeal of Mr.. Hamlin's
law doubling the rates on third-class
matter. The resolution was offered
by Republican member, and at the
time was voted down by the Demo
cratic majority, for the frankly ex.
pressed reason that they meant at an
early day to correct that wrong, They
were as good as their word, and they
did repeal Mr.. Hamlin's act, by passing
bill restoring the postage rates 10
:heir former condition. That was Mr..
Hamlin's opportunity to make his
promises good, bu: instead Of pushing
1t through the Senate as soon as it was
sent over, he has held 1t in his COM
mittee, and there 1t has hung up to
the continued great benefit of the ex :.
press companies, who it is declared on
excellent authority can afford to pay
ten thousand dollars per week to have
it hung up. 1t is not alleged or sus-
pected that they do pay anything for
the unaccoultable delay in the passage
of the hill by the Senate, but it is es-
timatcd that while MIR. Hamlin's
amendment of last session is in force
they profit by it to the amount of fifty
thousand dollars per month.
This sum, or whatever sum greater
or less, made by the companies in con-
sequence of the continued refusal of
the Senate to repeal Mr.. Hamlin's
amendment, comes directly out of the
pockets of the express companies. The
act of repeal was SO just and proper a
measure that it passed the House with
out one dissenting vote; it met with
no opposition from any one, for it
was and is understood in Washington
to be the only remedy for one of the
most scandalousj jobs that ever received
the sanction of Congress; and it is but
, proper to say that Mr.. Hamlin' y amend
i ment never would have received the
sanction of Congress if its character
had been known, or if it had been in
troduced at any other time or in any
other waG than at the time and in the
way it was introduced.
The intentions of the House was
that the double tax rate should be re-
pealed at once, and the old rates sub.
stituted; but for some unexplained and
to us inexplicable reason the intention
OF the House had been defeated by the
Senate Postal Committee refusing to
bring the act of repeal before the SEN
ate for action. In the meantime the
rich harvest of the express companies
goes on, and the people pay for it.
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22

some tenders and barges, came to the
statinn-the whole being commanded
by Commodore Stackpoole. On Sun
day, the Goth, these vessels stood up
the Delaware with fair wind. Express
ses were Immediately sent out to alarm
the country. The Delaware Volunteers
assem- bled. Fhe Independent Blues
were ordered to march from Camp
Staunton to New Castle. The other
companies stood upon their arms,
ready for service in whatever dircc-
tion they should be needed. The
British forces contented themselves
with stretching up the bay as far as
Recdy Island, where they captured
and burnt some shallops and small
craft, and then returned in inglorious
triumph.
This affair warned the comm lnding
officer of the necessity of giving pro-
te ctiOn to those portions of the State
of Delaware higher up the river, II
was rumorcd that the enemy intended
to make an attempt to destroyDupont's
powder mills on the Brandywine, the
operations of which, in furnishing
munitions, were at that time of i'm
portance to the public safety. In con-
sequence Colonel Rush was ordered to
take up new position on Shellpot
hill, three miles north of Wilmington
and one nile frem the Delaware river
which commanded full view of the
stream as far down as New Castle and
covered the only practical place of de-
barkatiOn at Hamilton's landing. On
the I'd of June Camp Staunton was
abandoned, and the troops marched to
Camp Shellpot, where they continued
until about the 18th of July, when
they took up new station at Oak Hill
near STILES run, four miles west of
Wilmington aud four miles south of
Dupont's powder mills. After the
British descended the Chesapeake
bay, Camp Oakhill was broken up,
Iand on the 2eth of July the troops
reached Philadelphia. At the Wood
lands they were entertained with a
COLLATION. furnished by citizens of
Philadelphia, after which they were
mustered out of service.
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22
A NEW STORY OF GEN. CAss.

Shortly after Mr.. Cass reached the
dignity of Governor, in 1914, says the
Toledo journal" he was in Washing
ton, and stopped at an aristocratic ho-
tel there. 1t happened that the land
lord of the hotel had remarkable re.
semblance to him in both manner and
personal appearance. Indeed, when
he had prepared his toilet and descend
ed to the office below, many of the
guests would have salutcd him as the
landlord.
Jones, a newly made member of the
West, arrived at certain juncture,
and easily mistaking Cass for the pro-
prietor, stepped briskly up with How
are you, old boy? slapping him famili-
arly on the shoulder. Can you give
mo room at once?" Disturbed at tho
rudeness, the Governor yet managed
to rise to the height of the emergency
and, blandly bowIng, answered: Eek
cuse me, sir, but l do not quite COM
prehend. am Governor Cass, of the
State of Michigan"
The enthusiastic and blundering
member stammered out an apology
and moved away to find the proprietor.
In the evening Cass, ON his way to his
own room, met the member In corri-
dor. "Hello," said Jones siding up
to Cass; then in a confidential tone; ~
want to tell you what h-ll of muss
l got into. When l came in this after
noon, / made a laundering mistake,
and took old Cass, from Michigan, for
you"
The dignified Governors previous
astonishment was little compared with
that now. He again explained that he
was Governor Cass, of Michigan"
and stitny bowling, passed on. leaving
poor, confused Jones in the hall pom
dering on the strange fatality which
seemed to follow him as regards "Gov.
Cass, of Michigan"
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22

and with other mechanical improvements,
making 1t the handsomest weekly literary
journals In the country. APPLEToNS JOUR
NAL aims to be comprehensive, inc cudlng In
its plan all branches OF literature, and treat
ing all subjects Of interest to Intelligent read
crs Its designs to be elevated IN taste and
pure in tonej it gives in quantity fully twenty
live per cent more than the largest OF the
Monthly Magazines. while in quality its lit
erature is OF the highest class.
Price. 81 per Annum, 10 Cts. N Numb'I
The daily gazette., 1876-02-22
General NeUS.

Mr.. Storrs, of counsel for defence in
the case of General Babcock, closed his
argument yesterday. and the Court then
adjourned until this morning.
4. Mr.. Ssamper, of North Carolina, was
not hanged, because on the eve of his ex-
ecution his wife went to bidhim farewell
changed clothes with him, and enabled
him to escape.
The general inquiry; If Babcock' S
kilograms are such innocent little mes
sages as he declares them to be, why such
desperate efforts to prevent the jury
from seeing them?
The late Oh lrlotte Cushman was bur-
led at Mount Auburn Cemetry, Boston,
yesterday. rns funeral was attendeq by
vast throng, including many of the
most prominent citizens The dramatic
corps of the various theatres were also
present.