The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-08-10
DIR. SPECIFIC.

DIR. SPECIFIC.
DIR. Specific has an office on Broadway,
New York, branch in Washington
street Boston. and another in Chestnut
street, Philadelphia. When he wants IA
little excursion, he advertises in Boston
OF Philadelphia that he is about to spend
n week there. Twice in the year he goes
West. His track may be traced all over
the country by the sarsaparilla bottles he
leaves.
The secret of his success is simplicity
His practice is as plain as pike-staif
Everybody can understand it. There is
only one medicine; therefore there can be
hut one disease. The one medicine is
a.. Specifies Sorcreign Strip.
Seven men met in DR.. Specifics office
one morning, waiting their turns. They
ali complained of dyspepsia.
VERY good said the doctor, smiling
" There is only one disease, and here we
see it. My Sovereign Sirup will cure you
all And now, gentlemen, to show you
my mastery of the subjects l will tell you
your own symptoms. I'll take you alto
ycthcr.'
But. sir" interposed the first, sun
burned farmer from New Jersey,
= Sir-
That's enough" said the doctor, rails
ing his hand. You need only open your
mouth, and see through you. You've
gu, no teeth. You can't digest without
mastication. and YOU can't masticate
without teeth. You humble your food,
and down it goes in Jumps. It's like put
ting pebbles in Il coffee-mill Now a reg
ular physician would tell you to go to a
.I.,tt.t .,,I oil ,,tu, II
yet Il set of good, clean grinders, and
you'd laugh at dyspepsia But know
be ter than that. | know you don't want
10 have 'cm out; and YOU think you can t
afford a new set. You think it better to
pay me five dollars a bottle for the Sow
crrirn Sirup, which YOU can take with a
teaspoon, then to pay a hundred to have
YOUR jaw broken. And l think SO, too.
Here's a bottle. Five dollars, if YOU
please You'll feel better after tax
in~ it every day There's little spirits in
it, to produce that effect. But don't feel
troubled if you don't get we'll right away
How long have YOU been ailing:'
''Oh, these fifteen years"
Every we'll, now. Remember that
what's been on you these fifteen years
cant he cured by sirup in fifteen days,
nor fifteen weeks either. Come back for
another bottle as soon as you've used
this up. And you, SIR said the doctor,
turning promptly to the next, a stout, rud-
dy gentleman, who but for a pallid cast
upon his sanguine complexion would have
seemed the picture of health. g. see you
are in bad way. SIR
"Ics,'' replied he;" my food distresses
me. and | cant sleep nights
- see" said the doctor, :" see. You
arc in business"
Yes. My factory is in Williamsburg,
hut our warehouse is down town.
You attend at both don't yOu:''
Yes; am back and forth all the
time
And you are on the School Board,
amt you:'
"Ies, sir
And on the Executive Committee of
the Bible Society"
"Ies, SIR
And do you hold any office in your
church:''
Yes, sir; I am an elder and President
of the Trustees
How many evening meetings do you
have:'
Two church meetings a week, be-
sides vcStry meeting and church Sunday
nights
Perhaps you are in the Sunday
schOol:'
Eyes; am Superintendent of our mis-
sion SCHOOL,
Any bank Or insurance company:'
" Yes: I'm on the board in our bank
and one in Williamsburg too, and I'm in
two or three insurance companies. But
what has all this to do with it? I'll take
care of my business if you'll cure my
dyspepsia
Excuse me,' persisted the doctor.
I" But who is good broker in Wall street !:
You 90 down there once in while ~
Yes; Smith | always deal through"
And for gold who do yor employ"
Jones"
Well, how are Governments tO-day?"
An eighth lower"
"Well, WE'LL said the doctor, musing-
ly. Stocks, gold, Governments, church,
board, committee, Sunday school, bank,
insurance company, mill, counting room
how it's odd, isn't it, that you should
have just the same complaint as our quiet
friend here who has only lost his teeth !?
But that's just the fact. Your food dis
tresses you. Now regular physician
would laugh at you, and tell you to get
out of Wall street and committees, get
home at four every day, and not leave till
nine in the morning, and spend the even
ings with your family, like Christian.
Yes" interposed the patient. "that's
just what our physician told me-
" Now you and l know better than
that" continued DR.. Specific. I" He meant
any such advice as that. You can't do it.
It's sheer nonsense to expect it. You
think it is a great deal better to worry
through, with 4 gentle stimulant from the
Sovereign Sirup, and little sedative a
night. You'd lose $50, 900 a year, per-
haps, on his advice, and mine only costs
you five dollars bottle. You think it is
better to take my remedy, and do, too.
But you must keep it up. II you want
the cure to be permanent, you must make
the medicine perma lent"
The next gentleman was thin student.
You don't eat enough" said the doc
tor. ~
WELL" replied the poor fellow, meek
ly, am in the seminary"
81 understand" interposed the doctor.
Some benevolent institution is starving
you into the ministry. They might, at
least, see that you were fed we'll till they
get you at work. l know what goes on
sometimes in those dormitories, where
proud and self-sacrifcing young fellows
conceal their wants, and feed on meal
stewed in water. over their stove, and
favored with salt. Your food distresses
you, of course. Isn't it odd, now, that
you should have the same complaint as
our friend here, the bank President? Now
regular physician would tell you to live
well; but. that's a mockery. Suppose
were to give you prescription, prandia
en-" 6eefsteakidus, they would not under
stand that at the seminary. Gentlemen,
there is great deal of humbug in this
world. This young man ought to dine
sumptuously every day; but I'll not be
guilty OF the humbug OF telling him to go