Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1876-06-02
GOSSIP FOR THE LADIES.

Gwendolen Beaumonier, you know" In.
terlocutor with warmth) "Ah to be sure !;
that accounts for her well-bred ease, her
aristocratic simplicity of manner, her natural
and Straightforward -" 1nterlocutrix
Quitting up her eyeglass) "By the way,
pardon me. have Intentionally misiniorm-
ed you it's Mrs. Judk rs She's the widow
of an Alderman, and her father was
cheesemonger in the New Cut :" 1nterlocu-
tor Dear me-ah-hum, er-hum-ha; /; that
quite alters the case. She is very vulgar, |
must say-awful :" On. Bit was the
Duchess, after ally D.-Puneh.
Mr.. Buckle states that human nature has
changed very little in the last 5000 years !;
but we do not remember any record of
Roman Senator trying to account to his wife
for light deposit of pearl-powder on the
left shoulder of his toga on the ground that
he had been playing checkers in q grist
mill.
The New York Mail tells young ladies
how to arrange their hair in fashionable
style Let it all down and comb it out.
Then 90 up on the roof while the wind
plays the very (whatever is appropriately
with it. Then catch up the back with
oVM vi iiuuOu, auu hilVW iuo HOut ~ otoy
as it is.
"And you think, darling, you could be
content to share my humble lot and live in
quiet way with love and me-" queried the
blissful lover, as he looked fondly into her
translucent blue eyes. "Why yes, precious,
you have no idea how economical am. Pa
gave me 800 last week to buy new silk,
and l saved enough out of it to purchase
four pair of six-buttoned kids !" The last
heard Of that young man, his doctor had
ordered him to the Black Hills for his
health.
A Dubuque Qowa) man visited his good
old aunt, and extolled the good qualities of
his young wife, concluding by telling the old
lady that his wife had wonderfully sweet
voice, and "mezzo soprano of extraordinary
compass" The old aunt said, "Hez she?
Well now, yer raunt,Lucy used to be troubled
with lest such complaint, long while
ago, and she used to put mustard plaster
to the solcs Of her feet and take catnip tea,
and it gave her a sight of easiness. Jest
have your wife try that, and I'm sure she
will git better"
A Carson (Nevada) lady was out trading
at dry goods store the other day, when she
ran out of money, and asked the clerk to
put the balance on the books lie cheerful
" agreed, and said he would send the bill to
her husband You'd better send 1t to me,
she said, as he figured up the cost. I've
got peculiar husband. If that bill reads
Sll for sugar, coffee and tea he'll give me
the money without a word III reads for
balance on dry goods, he ll'see you in Jericho
before he pays it. Make it out on groceries.
1t is my duty as a good wife to pander to his
feelings"
Young man in Western Wisconsin who
was about to be married the other day,
suddenly remembered that he hadn't fed his
horse, and the ceremony had to wait until
the horse had been cared for. He explained
that good horse couldn't be found every
day, while thirteen different girls wanted to
marry him.
Two young ladies in the library were dis
cussing preference expressed by one of them
for clean shaven men, when the other was
heard to remark Il don't object to a man
with reasonable quantity of hair on his
face, but | wouldn't like to marry buffalo
robe
Mrs Gitup of Davenport remarked to a
neighbor the other day my husband is
lived had to smash up my china teapot
and throw milk pitcher through the look
ing glass before could make him promise to
take me to the Centennial"
When Charlotte Cushman played Mrs.
Haller in a Southern city, many years ago,
she was horror-struck in the last act at be-
holding two yeritable little darkies led on
the stage as her children. Tho audience
did not manifest emotions either of derisiOn
or displeasure.
Il is stated that snuff dipping has become
women Of Mississippi, and the physicians are
becoming alarmed In regard to the mat
ter.
An old Scotswomsn whose favorite son was
in the habit of swearing occasionally. was
censured by her minister for not correcting
him. Its very wrong, minister she
admitted, "but We maun aloo that it sets off
conversation nightly
A physician replied to a lady querist who
wished to know something of his experience
in the matter of the tender passion well,
| never did know q man to die Of love,
certainly but have known twelve stone
man 90 down to nine stone FIVE, under a
disappointed passion, so that pretty nearly
quarter of him may be said TO have per-
ished''
Somebody asked a young lady the other
evening if she didn't think the serial litera-
ture of the country was at its best just now
She said she did. decidedly there were the
= L. IaI
ever seen.
A St. Louis woman says it is no worse to
encircle a lady's waist with your arm in a
ballroom than to hug your friends sister on
the back stairs No worse Why, it is not
as good
a gentleman living not q thousand miles
from Augusta, Me-, is in very low condi
ton, and will probably not survive many
days. His affectionate wife, who has been
on her annual house cleaning raid, in tear
fully speaking of the approaching dissolu-
tion of her dear husband, tenderly remarked
to friend "0h how | shall miss bin
when come to make soap this spring"
A woman in Washington Territory kept
her mouth open long enough upon certain
occasion last month to swallow snake.
Her husband betrayed good deal of feeling
in relating the little circumstance to his
neghbors, and concluded his narrative with
the remark There amt nothin' hard
hearted bout me, but hanged if l s'posed |
could feel emmy sorrer for snake"
Edith "0h, dear / am so tired -
Loving Husband "What has iatigued
you, my Pippetywippetv Poppet ?" Edith :
''0h | have had to hold up my parasol
all the time | was in the carriage -
Punch.
Fashionable store. Lady No. "Hew
du doc, dear How's yo'r dog? D'yu get
fond of him ?'' Lady No. . "vewy yah,
vewy Ohm fawly in Ove.with him ; deah
dog"
The second night after her first husband
died she sat by the open chamber window
five hours waiting for the cats to begin fight
ing in the back yard. She said This
thing OF going to sleep without a quarrel
of some kind is so new that can't stand it :
Let me alone till they begin; then | can
dOze off gently ~
The OLDEST WOMAN IN NEw ENGLAND
The New Haven Register claims to have dis
covered the Oldest woman in New England, if
not in the United States in the person of Mrs
Ira Mead, who, according to reliable re-
cords, the statements of friends and her
at.