The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-05-20
VARIETY.
.GalGryJ for J<;h.

= tucky paper notes the rapid extension of
: II notable candidates for the Presidency.
The commandment, g Love thy neighbour does
not necessarily apply to thy neighbor's wife.
Why is the letter ''o'' like two qarters of beef?
Because it is half of COX -
In a French play the plot shows that the late,
American rebellion caused by President
LincOlns imposing tax on absinthe.
The Philadelphia Times will exhibit this joke
at the Centennial; A Celestial hen-dealer says he
has a coach in china.
PROFESSOR OF RHEToRIc.-' What important
change came over Burns in the latter part OF his
life % Senior-"He died"
lazy fellow falling distance of fifty feet and
escaplng with n few scratches, bystander re-
marked that he was 50 too slow to fall last enough
to hurt himself.
ATramp was kicked out of a saloon yesterday,
and felt grieved about it. 80 BY the way he NOV
ed me, - he said, gently touching his eoat-tails,
IL thought it was the LIST OF April
A bolt of lightning struck tree in front eff
Chicago Alderman s house, the other night, and
an his fright the Alderman remarked;
Hold on I'll restore the money
Midas. we read, with wonderous art of old,
Wbate,er he touched at once transformed in to
gold.
This. modern statesmen can reverse with ease
Touch them with gold, they'll turn to what you
please.
A case came up for trial in French court, and,
As the evidence expected to be of certain
character the judge intimaed the fact and request
ed the decent women to Withdraw. Not soul
moved Usher said the Judge, '' now that the
decent women have withdrawn, turn out the
rest
very amiable and extremely handsome young
fellow was honored with request to attend
fancy ball He consulted cousin of his as to
his costume on the occasion. $50 as the Black
Prince, dear Fontaine,'' said she: ' You VIII
look so lovely in armor" - Oh hang it, Polly,
though, shouldn't like to black my face" was
the ingenious reply.
Ivssoxs IN DErINIrIoNs.-s' Papa what's a
saFa p, :. A safe my child, is charitable insti-
tntion in which benevolent old people and or
nbans Law up their money for the use of sickly
burglars in paying hotel bills in Saratoga !!
What's cashier? - cashier, my chlld' Is q
sign-board established by amiable directors to
noint out the way into the safe 50 W hats de-
fectiye ?'' He's burglars brother-in-law, and
always boards with rich relatives.
=. Several Paris doctors, - says the Steele ''have
basn the victims of novel sort of robbery. An
advertisement having lately appeared, Offering
Loans TO medical men on the simple presentation
of their diplomas, several young men, who had
inst taken out their degrees, made application,
md were persuaded to leave these documents for
q week. ostensibly for examination. However,
as the ouasi ney-ender had collected a sufficient
nnmber he left the country, taking with him all
4ho raners which he can adyantageousy sell, by
ostiptr the genuine name and substituting those
r The purchasers who would then be enabled to
Tractlce medicine-abroad, of course-as French
doctors.
LIVE Mans EXPERIENCE \ CoFFIN.-Pat-
-;cL RafF7rty, Iaborer in the stone yard near
tbe Po. T Street Bridge, fell in fit in the yard
about O'Clock Friday morning last A recently
licensed undertaken sent for, and he felt OF
Mr. Rafferty's hands and face, and finding them
cold and clammy supposed him to be dead. lie
was taken to the undertaker's establishment, and
alter n few minutes was placed in casket and
tba lid screwed down. The undertaken and two
iaborers lifted the coffin and bearing it to the
1Togon. when kick on the head of the coffin was
La1I5 The undertaken asked the men if they
wanted to spoil the coffin by kicking 1T, and they
replied that they had not kicked 1t. just as they
snoke a tremendous kick was heard, and the men
bpIdino the rear of the coffin dropped it, and seal
inc the fence were soon out of sight.
The end held by the undertaken soon became
too heavy and he droppet it, the coffin falling on
its face when from the wood, 4 live man crept out
nuzzliug the undertaken more than any trick he
had ever witnessed. 1t was some time before he
couId realize how a live man could come from a
coffin containing dead man, but he was soon
notified, and helped the now resurreeted man to
his house on South Main street. This was the
second case the undertaken had ever had, and
two queries are uppermost in his mind to-day,
to-wit Is it right to send bill for coffin for
a live man Second, do many people desire second
hand cofins ? The victim is confined to his bed
from fright, but will probably be all right IN a
day or tTo.-Pr0vidence Press, March 9TH,