Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-12-15
RUNNING FOR GOVERNOR.
Mark Twain Experiences a Campaign
of Defamation"

|
mated for Governor of the great State
OF New York, to run against Stewart
l.. Woodtord and John Il. Hoffman,
on the Independent ticket. / some
what felt that | had one prominent
advantage over these gentleman, and
that was good character. 1t was
easy to see by the newspapers that if
they had ever known what it was to
bear good name, that time had
gone by. 1t was plain that in these
latter years they had become famil-
lar with all manner of shameful
crimes. But at the very moment
that l was exalting my advantage
and joying in it in secret; there was
muddy undercurrent of discomfort
''riling" the depths of my happiness
aud that was the having to hear
my name banded about in familiar
connection with those of such people.
l grew more and more disturbed.
Finally | wrote my grandmother
about it. Her answer came quick
1Hu Sidi y. cHC Sdlu.
You have never done one single thing
in all your life to be ashamed of-not one.
Look at the newspapers look at them
and comprehend what sort of characters
Woodford and Hoffman are, and then
see if you are willing to lower yourself to
their level and enter public canvass
with them.
1t was my very thought! | did
not sleep single moment that night.
Butiafter all, l could not recede,
was fully committed and must 90 on
with the fight. AS l looked listlcss-
ly over the papers at breakfast, |
came across this paragraph, and l
may truly say | never was so con-
founded before:
| PERJURY.-Perhaps now that Mr. Mark
Twain is before the people as n candidate
for Governor, he will condescend to cx,
plain how he came to be convicted of per
jury by thirty-four witnesses, in Waka.
wax, Cochin China, in 1868, the intent of
which perjury was to rob poor native
widow and her helpless family of a mcag.
er plantain patch, their only stay and sup
port in their bereavement and their desc
lation. Mr.. Twain owes it to himself, as
well as to the great people whose suffer
age he asks, to clear the matter up Will
he do it?
l thought I should burst with
amazement! Such a cruel, heartless
charge-I had never seen Cochin
China! l Inever heard of Wakawak
l didn't know a plantain patch from
kangaroo! | did not know what
to do. l was crazed and helpless.
l let the day slip away without doing
anything at all. The next morning
the same paper had this-nothing
m ore:
SIGNIFICANT-Mr Twain, it will be OBJ
served, is snggestiyely silent about the
Cochin China perjury.
Mem.-During the rest of the
Campaign this paper never referred
to me in any other way than as "the
infamous perjurer Twain"
Next came the Gazette with this:
WANTED TO KNow.-Will the new can
didate for Governor deign to explain to
certain of his fellow citizens (who are sull,
ering to vote for hind the little circum-
stance of his cajin-mates in Montana los
ing small valuables from time to time, un
til at last, these things having been invar-
iably found on Mr.. Twain's person or in
his trunk newspapers he rolled his traps
in) they felt compelled TO give him a
friendly admon,tion fer his own good
and so tarred and feathered him and rode
him on rail, and then advised him to
leave permanent vacuum IN the place he
usually occupied in the camp. Will he
do this?
Gould anything be more delibcr
ately malicious than that? For ]
never was in Montana in my life.
After this, this journal customari-
lyspokc of me rs "Twain, the Montana
Thief."]
l got to picking up papers appre
hensively-much as one would lift a
desired blanket which he had some
idea might have rattlesnake under
it. One day this met my eye:
TIE LIE NAILED. BY the sworn afli
davits of Michael O'Flanigan. Esq, of the
Five Points, and Mr.. Kit Burns and John
Allen, of Wster street, It is established
that Mr.. Mark Twaln's vile sentiment
that the lamented grandfather of our no
BILE standard bearer, John T, Hoffman
was hanged for highway robbery Is {
brutal and gratuitous LIE, withom sin
gle shadow of foundation in fact. 1t i.
dlsheartning to vlrtuous men to see sucl
shameful means resorted to, to achieve
political SUCCESS, as tho attacking of the
dead in their graves and defiling thci
honored names with SANDER. When W,
think of the anguish this miserable false
hood must cause the innocent relatives ant
friends of the deceased, we are almos
driven to incite an outraged public to sum
mary and unlawful vengance upon tn
traduccr But no-let us leave HIM t.
the agony of larcerated conscicnc
(though if passion fhould get the bette
of the public, and in It's blind fury the
should do the traducer bodily injury, it i
but too obvious that no jury could cor
viet and no court punish the perpetrator
OF the deed).
The ingenious closing sentenc
hod tho of4nct nf nov;nr mo ont n