South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-03-17
WIT AND IIUs1Oas.

WIT AND u MO- k.
tvrruth. indeed. is stranger than
friction" as the boy remarked after the
schoolnaster had rubbed him down with
. rattan for telling falsehood.
D-Across the walnuts and the wine
Engaging child: ''Oh. Mr.. Jenkins,
do let me zee you drink r. Mr.. Jenkins
"See me drink! What for. my dear?'
Engaging child: "Oh, mamma SAYS
you drink like fish,
~The latest device in New York to
silence talkcst is a card with this
printed on it: Five questions answer.
ed for fifty cents, ten questions answer
ed for one dollar, full statement two
dollars. raw sa
VIt is the wife who has the making
OF mans home. saws an exchange
True, and now and then she makes his
wig.watn, too.
1A Doctor was discovered holding
. young lady in his lap the other even
ing. but he stated that he was examin.
ing her for an affection of the heart, and
she remarked that there was nothing
wrong in laying her head on her pill.er.
tVAn honest old gentleman from n
rural county, Who came down 10 New
York to spend the Sabbath with friends.
was asked by one Of them what the peo.
pie up his way thought Of the Beeclier
scandal. He replied that he never tried
it; and didn't know anything about it ::
that he and all his neighbors burned
kerosene.
IVA Romney girl treating q too fie.
quent gentleman rather coolly drew f'.om
him the remark: II fear you are not
dealing squarely with me-" ..Tbat' =
because you are round so often" was
the quiet reply.
VComing from the pulpit acter n
long sermon. dull minister said TO one
Of the deaccns. deacon, I'm very t;r
ed" 'Indce l." replied the deacon,
Then you will know how TO ply u.s.
W After the battle of Trafalgar the
body of Lord Nelson was BROUGHT home
In the Victory" man-ot.war. To pre-.
serve the remains they were put into a
puncheon OF rum. On reaching Ply.
mouth. the puncheon on being opened
was empty and dry. During the voyaoc
the sailors, very certain that the purser
would not visit this cask. had drawn IN
all the rum by straw pipes or iig"ers.
They called this tapping the admiral
IVA tramp lately asked lady Cor
money She offered him food era.
cious = was his observation, do you
think can eat all the time?"
Eg A man has been fonnd who does
not complain ut tie laws DELAYS. He
lives in n house which is the subject OF
lawsuit, and having been ordered hy
both litigants to pay no rent 10 The 9th.
err. he hopes the contest may continue
for years.
AFRICAN HUMoR.-Tls morning as
started for the Capitol | passed the
queerest specimen OF the genius African
that | ever saw. Taitered and tom hut
family expresses the utter demoraliZa.
ton of his wardrobe {; only scrap OF n
hat covered his wool. shoes a world too
wild and horribly mishappen dsfourcd
his feet. and poverty had written her
autograph in every feature oil the queer
face, on every finger o. the hard. knoifv
hands l.; his ugliness was so distinctive.
that when he shruhed up 10 the corner
where | waited for car. smiled. just
then with awkward effort my datley
stopped to pick up pin, looked Mt it ia
~ ~ 81, .ol
among his rags. An elegant gentleman
observing the movement exclaimed.
"Thats right, Pete. pick mp everything
worth saving. and some day YOU may
he rich'' Pete, g,inned. ducked bow.
and looked eXpressiyelv at his fol lo?n
garments. Never mind" said the
gentleman, "a poor boy once made his
fortune by just picking up pin. and
when lie became q man he owned q
great bank. and was very rich: il all
came from his way of taking care OF
little things ~ Pete was LISTENING. bui
looking like an idiot tin his mentor
finished his speech. Then knocking
his hat on one side and scratching his
wool. lie drylv said, SAY. boss, was dat
bank de Frccdman's SAVINGS Bank
Fancy how We laughed - Woshjaqtoa
Letter.
IV"We know the public is down ND
on u.s. remarked the old milkman. rs he
dipped ont the desired quart from one Of
his big cans, "but The public is mi,ia
ken. In the first place we put in Ice
tie water-onlv bit, TO make up for
shrinkagc. II goes to The big dcalcls.
and they amt n bit Leerrul when they
git TO pouring in water. They sells
it to the grocers, and they put in chalk
with one hand. water with the other