The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-01-06
Wit and Humor.

Wit and Humor.
A sEAMsTRRss' exclamation
POLITE literature Civil Justice re-
cords.
REAL estate artists People who draw
lots.
A PRODUCE exchange has provisional
government.
AN Englishman travelling in Ireland
remarked to the driver of coach upon
the tremendous length of Irish miles,
"Confound your Irish milesl Why,
there's no end to them - Sure, sir,
said the coachman, "the roads are bad
about here, and so we give good meas
ure."
LOVING wife, Husband, dear, don't
forget to send the dressmaker around SO
that / can have my dress finished be-
fore Sunday, sure. Husband" Now,
Sarah, there is no fret about that dress
guess the heavens won't fall if it is not
done this week" Wife John you
know next Sunday is Communion, and [
haven't asingle dress but that / have worn
to Communion at least twice. They'll
all know me by the clothes wear before
a great while.
You mean to say you won't do it 2"
exclaimed the excited agent. 'You
won't insure in company that guaran-
tees ten per cent. annual dividend
gives away cancels hair shawl to your
wife the second year, and plants you in a
$3.50 rosewood coffin. when you die2
You mean to say you won't take out
policy like that" 'No," returned the
individual, coldly, "honesty is the best
policy"
AUTHOR TO THE COMPOSITION.
Compositor, in paper cap absurd,
Who dost with subtle, devilish delight,
In every "stickful" substitute some word
To spoil the sense OF what my pen doth write;
Who didst, the other day, most cruelty
Impair my beauteous sonnet to clam,
And thereby wrought much mischief unto me,
Because, perforce, sinned in saying damn;
1 would the Inquisition aourished now,
AS in those good old days when pious bricks
Served God by torturing sinners such as thou
And won great peace by burning heretics;
I'd send thee racked and bowling to thy grave,
Thou leprous, squint-eyed, base, type-setting
knave!
-Peleg Arkcright.
DURING a recent examination of a class
of youngsters in one of the Chemung
County IN. - schools, the teacher
asked: /" What is monarchy" and was
Immediately answered by bright little
eight-year old boy . A country GOV
erned by King" Who would rule
if the King should die?" ''The Queen"
'And If the Queen should die, who,
then, would be ruler?'' "The Jack.
The last Berlin KlodderadatSch de-
votes an amusing little cartoon to the
Cuban question and Don Carlos. 1t
represents most rascally looking
Yankee crawling up out of cavern with
outstretched fingers to pluck jewel
from the Spanish crown, while Don Car
los, DIM In the distance, dances with ex-
element, and shouts out: "Alfonsol
Alfonso! look out There's fellow
trying to steal a piece of my crown from
your
WHEN O'Connel was member of the
British Parliament he once allowed his
temper to get the better of his discre-
ton, and committed fragrant breach of
order and decorLm. He said the House
was composed of six hundred scoundrels.
An apology was demanded, and he was
called to the bar. He said ''MP.
Speaker, said last night that the House
was composed of six hundred scoun-
drels-and [ am sorry for it. :"
A CONTEMPORARY recalls an anecdote
of the celebrated Admiral Paine. On
one occasion he received from friend
who was rather addicted to tho venal vice
of betting q note that ran somewhat to
the following effect: 6 Dear Paine-I
have wagered so pounds that you were
bred 10 the sea- To this the gallant
Admiral enrtly replied: /" Wrong. The
sea was bread 10 me"
WHILE some boys were skating on one
of the slips mp the river gentleman
noticed one on the bank who looked
lonqingly but who had no means of en-
ioying the sport. "Well, bub, haven't
You any skates g" "No, SIR" "Why
not9" !" Cause mother says I amt pre-
pared to die, and father says he needs
the money to buy him some undershirts !"
was the lonesome reply.-Detroit Free
Press.
A VrBen1A, New, husband went to
the depot the other day to receive his
wife. whom he had not seen for two
years. When the train came III he
,prang forward to assist her from the
ear, and had managed to say, "My
when she put In TO the follow
ing effect " How is Mrs. Smith, Have
you seen TOMB What dreadful jour-
hey I've had. Why'd don't you take your
pants out of your boots9 You must pos
lively have that hair of yours cut right
away. You're smoking again, l see.
Have you got nice rooms9 hope you
haor, d,;p kinu dooroat Oh