The Baltimore County union. [volume] (Towsontown, Md.) 1865-1909, 1876-10-07
SELECTED MATTER.
S'posin'.

| When Judge Copley was sitting in his office the
other day, looking over some law papers, the door
opened and man hObbed in upon crutches-
| Proceeding to chair, and making a cushion of
some newspapers, he sat down very gingerly,
placed bandaged leg upon another chair and
said:
"Judge, my name is Briggs. Icalledin, judge,
to get your opinion about little point of law.
Mr. Judge, spOsin' you lived up the pike here a
half mile, next door to a man named johnson.
And s'posin' you and johnson was to get into an
argument about the human intellect, and you was
to say to johnson that a splendid illustration of
the superiority of the human intellect was to be
found in the power of the human eyeto restrain the
ferocity of a wild animal. And s'posin' johnson
was to remark that that was all bosh, because no
body could hold wild animal with the human
eye; and you should declare that you could hold
wild animal with the human eye; and you should
declare that you could hold the savagest beast that
was ever born if you could once fix your gaze on
him.
''Well, then, sposin' johnson was to say he'd
bet hundred dollars he could bring tame ami
nal that you couldn't hold with your eye, and you
was to take him up on it, and johnson was to ask
you to come down to his place to settle the bet.
You'd go, we'Il say, and johnson would wander
around to the back of the house and pretty soon
come front again with dog bigger'n any four
decent dogs ought to be. And then s'pOsin' john
son would let 60 of that dog and sick him you,
and he'd come at you like q sixteen-inch shell out
of howtzer, and you'd get skeery about it and
try to hold the dog with your eye and couldn't
And s'pOsin' you'd suddenly conclude that maybe
your kind of an eye wasn't calculated to hold that
kind of a dog, AID you'd conclude to break for a
plum tree, in order to have chance to collect your
thoughts, and try to reflect what sort of an eye
would be best calculated to molify that sort of a
dog. You ketch my idea, of course?
every well, then; s'pOsin' you'd take your eye
off of that dog johnson, mind you, all the time
sicking him on and laughing and you'd turn and
leg it for the tree, and begin to up as fast
as you could. Well, sir, s'pOsin' just as you got
three feet from the ground, JOhnsOn's dog would
grab you by the leg and hold on like vice, shak
ing you until you nearly lost your hold. And
s'posin' johnson was to stand there and hOller
Fix your eye on him Briggs! Why don't you
manifest the power of the human intellect and
so on-gassing away with ironical remarks like
those and spOsin' he kept that dog on that leg
until he made you swear to pay the bet, and then,
at last, had 70 pry the dog off with hot poker,
bringing az at the same time half pound Of
your meat in the dogs mouth, so that you had to
be carried home on stretcher, and to hire four
doctors to keep you from dying with the lOckJaw.
"S'posin' this, what want to know is, couldn't
you sue johnson for damages, and make him pay
heavily for what that dog did That's what l
want to get at"
The judge thought for minute, and then said:
"Well, Mr.. Briggs, don't think could. If
agreed to let johnson set the dog at me, should
be party to the transaction, and could not re-
cover"
"DO you mean to say that the law won't make
that Internal scoundrel, johnson, suffer for let
ting that dog eat me up?"
81 think not if you state the properly"
st won't hey 2" exclaimed Mr.. Briggs, hyster
ically. "Oh, very well very well It's beauti-
full government, this is Beautiful amt it! /
s'pose if that dog had chewed me all up, and spit
me out it d we been all the to this cOnstitu
tional republic. But blame me if don't have
satisfaction. I'll kill johnson, poison his dog, and
immigrate to some country where the rights of
citizens are protected. If don't, you may bust
me open'
Then Mr.. Briggs got on his crutches and hob
bled out. He is still citizen, and win vote at
the next eection.-Mar Adeler, ~ illustrated
Weekly.