Lincoln County advocate. (Canton, Dakota Territory, [S.D.]) 1876-1877, 1876-11-29
Humorous.

eagles now being daily withdrawn from
the Bank of England for shipment to
New York must, indeed, remind John
Bull that /" riches have wings"
I STUDENT in Paris, after passing three
years in the Latin quarter, wrote to his
father as follows: I have made up
my mind to act to work, dear father;
therefore should like to know wheth-
er it was law or medicine that I came
to study?"" -
A COUNTRY editor gives the following
case of absence of mind, "A girl who
was one OF our first loves, was one night
lighting us out after having spent a
delightful evening. In bashful trepi-
dation she blew us out, and drew the
candle behind the door and kissed it,"
MORE honeymoon amenities -Ange-
lima (who has been perusing the
:" births, deaths, and marriages ny ED
win, do so object to that horrid word
trelict! If should die, promise, oh,
promise, you will not allow me to be
described as your relict '-Punch.
A Boston butcher sent piece of
meat to an old maid's cat regularly
every day for four years, and now she
leaves Linn legacy of $4,000. If q
butcher is any way tender hearted and
kind, he can have legacies thrown at
him by the dozen every year.
"RENTs have risen," was the jocose
remark of the astute small boy when a
nail caught in the previously small
tear in his coat tail and ripped the gar
ment up to his neck. Subsequently,,
after an interview with his parents, he
moaned to himself in the woodshed
that "leather had fallen"
"WHAT makes you get up so late,
sir p said father to his son, who made
his appearance at the breakfast table
about ten O'Clock. "Late! why, fathe-,
I was up with the lark" "Well, then,
sir, for the future don't remain up so
long with the lark but come down a
little earlier to breakfast"
"MY dear boy" said a lady to a pre-
cocious youth Of sixteen, "docs your
father design you should tread the in.
tricate and thorny paths of a profession,
the straight and narrow paths of the
ministry, or reveal the fowery paths
of literature?" "No, marin; dad says
he's going to set me to work in the tat
ter field"
Mr.. BUCKLE says that the present is
merely q repetition of the past. He
does not, mention the fact, but most
people will presume from this state
ment that the way William the Con-
queror got control of England, was by
sending over notice of big Bill com
ing, when every one Immediately left
home and went to the Centennial
Norwich Bulletin.
FATHER, did Casca, that helped to
kill Julius Caesar, own a great many
houses?' "No, my dear; not that I
know of. What makes you think so ?"
because, father, / am reading here
where it says: See what rent the
enyious Casca madep" Joy was in
that fathers countenance, and the mo-
Their looked delighted at the wisdom of
her only son.
REFINED PHRAsEoLoGY-"Yo You know,
madame, that you cannot make
purse out of q sow's ear" Cob, sir,
please fan me. I have intimation of a
swoon. When you use that odious
specimen of vulgarity again, clothe it
in refined pbrasiology. Just say it is
impossible to fabricate pecuniary re-
ceptacle from the auricular organ of
the soft sex Of the genus SWINE"
EDITH THAT dreadful young firt)-
"Do you know, COZ, I think l shall
marry" Cousin with designs in that
soon?' Edith" Well, PERHAPS in a
month or two." Cousin" Aud may I
ask the name of the happy man"
Edith-"The what?' Cousin-"The
man, the-er-what is 1.-THE intend.
ed?" Edith" Ah, by the way-yes-
I must begin to think Of that, too,
mustn't II"
A CORRESPONDENT desires to know
what sort of a thing a "pocket, gynas.
ium is that he sees advertised in the
papers. Well, a pocket gymnasium
holds from pint to q quart, and is
made of glass covered with leather;
but we can't recommend it. We once
saw a young man have one in good
working order, and after practlcing
with it short time he found it much
easier to stand on his head than on his
feet, and he couldn't find his way
home.-Norristoevn Herald.
PROFESSOR CLELAND, of Galway, has
issued a new work entitled "a Diction-
ary for the Dissection of the Human
Body" Such work supplies a long.
felt want, and must have large sale.
There is nothing more provoking and
discouraging than to undertake to
carve human body, and, being un-
abbie 70 strike the joints, be compelled
to twist a leg off in most painfully I'M
scientific manner! The book will be
handy to have in the house. Norris.
to,vn Herald. -,-
ART is low in the New York market.
Apropos Of which, a correspondent
tells q story of James Boards early
days. He spent summer at country
inn, and paid his board in portraits at
IS apiece. Some year or two after
ward, the landlord found the rising ar
fist in the city painting on rising mar.
ket. James," said the old man,
what do you get for pictures now?"
"Thirty dollars" was thereby. "Ah!
and how many Can you paint in
week?" "Two," said the truthful
James. The old man, after 9 shc-t
mental wrestle, exclaimed sixty dol
lars q week-two hundred and forty
dollars month. Now, James, if you
can be careful and save your money,
you'll soon be able to leave painting
and 60 into some respectable business"
Beard says that, in a business point of
view, he has often been sorry he
didn't take the advice. zs