The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-05-06
VARIETY.

Moving for a new trial-Courting n second wife
A MERE MATTER OF FoRM.-Cutting dress.
Coupons attached to the bonds of matrimony-
Babies.
The woman who was - filled with emotion u
hadn't room for her dinner.
IL is supposed that man who left the house
not able to take it with him.
DANGEROUS CHARAcTER-A man who takes
life cheerlully.
Card-players may know good DEAL and then
not be very wise.
1t is always difficult for doctor to keep his
temper when he loses his patients.
Ais well that dividends well, is n new version
of an old saying.
God lrst--self last-all the rest will come in
the right order.
Why, madam" said boarder the other morn
ing, as he tugged at bit of meat, " do resemble
John Rodgers % She gave it up. Because ma
am. L am q martyr at the steak" 1919
AZ You say said judge to a Witness that
the plaintiff resorted to an ingenious OF cir
cumstantial evidence; state just exactly what
you mean by that" :" WelI,'' said the witness,
- my exact meaning is that he lied'
Why don't we 90 to the Centennial p: says
Miss McFlimsey to an inquiring friend. Simply
because it is as much as we can do to stay here,
my dear ~ oh, times, why thy hardness Where
is Reciprocity
Chicago paper politely remarks that it has
" another fragrant fiction impaled upon the fork
of fact, - and recommends it to editors as much
more gentlemanly than the rough words, '' an
other lie nailed"
Everything is Centennial, red. white and blue,
McFIimsey, hand me down that Centennial pink
silk of mine-that with the Revolutionary bias cut
on the John Quincy Adams ruffie."
VERY HIGH TME.-When you see a man on a
moonlight night trying to convince his shadow
that il is improper TO follow a gentleman, you
may be sure it is high time for him to join tenn
peranee society.
The way for a man to truly succeed is TO do
what he thinks best worth his doing, in the way
he thinks it ought to be done. Let him never
step aside from his path, either for profit praise,
and he will have all the success that is possible
to him. and all that is worth having.
A Clergyman, observing a poor man by the
roadside, breaking stones, and kneeling, to get
at his work better, made the remark. Ah,
John, wish could break tine stony hearts of
my hearers as easily you are breaking these
stones -'-'' Perhaps, master, you do not work
on your knees was the reply.
HEALrH AND MoNEY.-There is this difference
between those two temporal blessings, health and
money money is the most enyied, but the least
enjoyed health is the most enjoyed, but the least
envIed, ana THIS OF Is Still
more obviOus when we reflect that the poorest !
man would not part with health for money, but
that the richest would gladly part with all his
money for health t.
4 Danbury couple have a nice little daughter
of some five Summers. lady visitor lately OBJ |
served to the mother, What pretty child you
have She must be great comfort to you /
s'She is indeed, :" said the fond mother. So When /
I'm mad at John, L don't have to speak to him; /
she calls him to his meals, and tells him to get |
up the coal. and other things that wait. She's
real handy"
An INNOCENT BOY-The other day Detroiter !
who has good record of army service took down !
his revolver to shoot a cat which had been hang
ing around the house. After looking at him
while he fired six shots the cat walked away.
While he loading up for more destruction |
the shooters small boy inquired
% Father, did you ever kill any one while you
were IN the army2'' 1863 .-'.
a. suppose so, my son.
After a long pause the boy continued:
az Then you must have got near enough to hit ,
'em with an AZ, didn't your +
1t was then discovered to be about school time. !
Detroit Free Press. f SIC.
A good many stories of stammerers are told,
but none of recent date better than the following
of Patt Evans, of Cincinnati. 1t was one of his .
measures to teach his friends how to purchase /
tender geese though he could not always get /
them in the market. One morning he saw lot, /
and inquired how many there were. about a |
Dozen" was the reply. {" W-w-well, said Platt, ,
ss k-k-keep n b-boardfng and my, BIB
bsarders are the biggest e-eaters you ss-saw.
P-p-pick out n-nine of the t-toughest you We e |
g-got.' The farmer complied. and laid aside the |
other three tender ones. Platt picked them up |
carefully, and putting them in his basket said,
" 1 b-b-beIIeve III take these three