South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-01-21


WIT AND IIUMOR-
- WA little drummer boy was taken
: sprisoner. Around the bivouac fires the
soldiers said to him: Now beat US q
"reveille." And he beat them O reycille.
Now beat us an advance" And lie
beat them an "advauce" Now beat us
q charge And he beat them n CHARGE
Now beat us ''retreat." NO." said
the drummer boy, Il cannot do that !;
4 never learnt that
rV"Iiow is it, sir" said scotchman,
who had all the aversion OF iis country
to the sight of n paper in the pulpit
"How Is that you read instead ofpreach
your sermons?" II read them becau sc
cannot remember them."-"And sir.
ifye that maxi them Gamma mind them,
how do you think that we can?"-RCua
seys Scotch "Reminiscences"
tOTSome people are too trusting for
this world. At recent trial, the pris-
oner entered plea of 'Not guilty."
when one of the jurymen put on his hat
and started for the door.-The judge call.
ed him back. and informed him that he
couldn't leave until the case was tried.
"Tried?" querried the juror, ''why, he
acknowledges that lie is not guilty.
tyA minister's wife had an impedi.
ment in her speech. Alta ministerial
dinner young sprig offered the lady
some tongue, saying, Every part helps
part, you know" Indeed; then let
me help You to some brains" holding
out q dish that stood near calls head
IVA corpulcnt woman, wearing
spectacles and very serious look, was
a passenger on a Woodward avenue car
yesterday. AS the car rolled along she
she smiled ut man sitting opposite
and inquired:
Can you ring the bell?'
with pleasure he responded as lie
rose up and jerked the strap.
The car stopped, no one moved, and
after long look through the door the
driver started up again. The man look.
ed scross at the fat woman for an ex.
PLANTATION, and she said:
i didn't know whether you could or
not Detroit Free Press.
UA Scotch sea captain. in Liver
pool, when going on board his steamer,
was accosted by son of Erin's Isle /:
Got all your hands engaged. sur?''-
We'll, no. What can you do?" "Sure.
an l can either trim or foire." "Have
you been at sea before?" Bad luck to
you, dye think came over from Ire.
land i'll a cart?"
AFRICAN SUPERsTiTIoN.-A colored
woman on Levee street the other dav
peheaded turkey preparatory TO pla-
eng 1t In the dinner-pot. and held il by
Its feet while it was struggling in the
last expiring throes of death.
negro man standing near caught her
by the arm excitedly and cried, Turn
dat fowl loose. If you let 'em die in
your hand you gwine have de wust kind
nervousness all your life. and st. Vitus.
es Dance, so you can't stand STILL g
go way. pigger,"- .essrSiTrssd tbe -
man, "ef dc ffaaSie .e fore de necls on;t
Bsltinoxe ifuck. knows what
fsspulouS Ga,y Herald.
V"Bill Allen. the defeated candidate
for the Ohio Governorship. says he does
not care green watermelon if he has
been beaten, and in this mood he sits
down aid writes:
The 'rag-baby' is dead,
have q sore bead,
But do not give up in dispair.
My head was made sore,
BY my wife, who, great gore.
Pulled out each and all Of my hair
E"EIi! where did yez get them trou.
sers?" asked an Irishman Of a man who
happened to be passing with pair OF
remarkably short trousers on. Il got
them where they grew" was the indir.
nant reply. Then by my conscience"
said Paddy you've pulled them year
too soon :"
A sermonizer out west made fbe
following remarks to his audience on
:he soul.saving question: MY broth.
rem, man cannot afford to lose his soul.
He's got but one, and lie can't get an.
other. III man loses his horse he can
get another; If he loses his wife he can
get another; ifhe loses his child he can
get another; but if he loses his soul
good-by John"
Ills FIRST DUTY.-Jake saw an old
acquaintance by the name Of Amos on
the street, the other evening, and accos.
ted him:
IVY, Amos. whar you been so long
Il amt seed you fur long timer"
Else been down the country fur two
weeks, to my brudder's house"
"Well, can't you come down to my
house tonight? / wants TO hab n good
long talk wild YOU bout the p'literlill
sicherwashun -
IT'D be mighty pleasure 10 Go so,
Jake, but yer see, ole Teller, desc here's
hog.killin' times, and meats lynn roun'
regardless of de perlitikil condition oh
affairs and Of n niger don't lay in some