The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1876-07-18


BILE To Con AND MAN FoR THE OUTRAGE.
Prosecutors, magistrates, municipal
authorities are all in the pool; we have
no hope from the ministers OF justice,
and the williams have no fear of the
terrors Of the law. appeal to you,
and anxiously await the result.
Yours, HORACE GREELEY.
uIsCELLANEOUs.
Why did Joseph's brethren push
him into the pit Because they
thought it a nice opening for young
man.
BE iabbers!' says Pat, who was
born OH the last day OF the year; had
delayed bit, where would been.
The Indian bead-work sold at Mag
ara Fall is little cheaper this year
They have discovered how to make
beads Of wax.
Some men keep savage dogs around
their house, so that the hungry poor
who stop to "get bit" may get it out
side the door.
''Do yon love me still, John" whis-
pered a sensitive wife to her husband.
''Of course do; the stiller the BETTER"
answered the stupid husband.
The largest ice house in the world is
in Brussels, Belgium. IL covers an
area Of $4,000 square feet, and will
store million tons Of ice.
The Detroit Free Press at last has
been driven to say, "Gov. Hayes while
in Congress in 1865, voted against, the
proposition to increase the pay OF Con-
gressmen 81, 900 to $1,000 per annum.
Potter Valley Mendocino county
CAL, is proud OF female physician
who duriug the recent storm swan
across three rivers to attend patient
with the measles.
About $4,000 pounds OF Chicago
cooked corned beef are sold in
Philadelphia every week, and the
consumption Of the article is increas-
ing
A hunter shot a wild turkey near
Nashville, the other day, and when he
to pick il mp. found lying near it half
decayed pair OF saddle bags, in which
were S36, 900 in gold bonds.
A mother and daughter rolled slow
ly into an Anderson county. s. c., store
and "reckoned they'd get weighed"
The mother raised the bar at 2l5
pounds, and her fair daughter went 20
pounds better.
An ingenious method II protecting
valuable earrings when the wearers are
travelling has come into fashion. Ladies
buy little balls of Roman gold. which
open with clasp and hinges. and effect
ually enclose conceal the precious
stones.
A bill before the Californian Legis-
lature wound, if passed, prohibit the
sale of intoxicating liquors within four
miles of the State University; and the
San Francisco Chronicle says the title
should be IAN act to promote pedes-
trainism among stupents."
"The boy at the head of the class
will You state what we're the dark ages
Of the world" Boy hesitates, "Next.
Master Briggs, can You tell me what
the dark ages were?" 81 guess they
were the ages before spectacles were in
vented" Go to your seat.
Nothing else in the world will bring
that same CHASTITY expression to a mans
face that fits over his countenance
when, in the midst Of gay party, he
Suddenly remembers that he has left
his handkerchief at home on the bureau
and will half to go out aud wipe his
nose on the side Of the house.
A western tailor advertised: want
ed-Two or three steady girls to put
on pants" DIR. Mary Walker called
next morning, and said: "Now bring
( on your pants, and don't look" The
/ tailor explained, and she left with a
sOrruwful air, vowlng that she would
send him grammar rs soon as she got
home. - lNorristown Herald.
! He was taken sick in the night, and
\ in her youthful ignorance she made
two mustard plasters and put one in
/ front and one behind. and then with
/ horrid sarcasm she asked him how he
I felt. But he was n well-bred man and
merely said that be realized with q
/ tenderness that he had never known
/ before the true position OF sandwich
in the community.
/ A boy Of Cass county, Ind, said he
I guessed be would scatter them darned
/ old hens" meaning some women who
were assembled nj quilting party in
his mothers parlor. He fired upon
them through a window with heavily
loaded shotgun. and only wounded
two; but the recoil Of the weapon threw
him down bank, breaking an arm and
two ribs.
An oyster opener OF Toulouse. while
opening half dozen rows for GUS
TONERS, fonnd pearl worth thous antls
of dollars, and pocketed it. The GUS
toner insisted that il belonged to him
asserting that the shells, oysters. iuice
and every thing else in the shell Of the
oyster he ordered were his property.
The law will decide the question.
II has been decided that the sum OF
1900, being the resique Of the funds
collected in England for the Stonewal
Jackson statue, shall be invested in
safe SECURITIES, and the interest devot.
ed to procuring a gold medal for pres
entation TO the first graduate in each
class. year by year OF the Virgins
Military Institute.
Some fellow has invented safe
which he warrants fire proof, watel
proof. burglar proof--says il cant be
opened with dynamite. The price IL
only three thousand dollars and il you
have two thousand dollars you don I
want the burglars to get, you'd better
borrow another Thousand, purchase
one Of these safes and put your monney
into il. b
A tramp. after tho daughter OF a New
London gentleman had given him
some food the other day. asked her for
some money, adding that the gift Of a
little money would save him "from
something awful" This was q clinchel
which induced the yonng lady to fur-
nish him with a ltsle legal tends .,
Then she asked him what the awfu
thing was from which her liberality
had saved him. He replied: "From
huniisg up work"
The Burlington Hawkeye says: Johr
Osborn. farmer, living near Laport,
, City, recently bought a fine bloodet
; hufl of xUhicl, ha mae x,arv s,xouI H