, 1876-07-23
HuMCR,

|
HUMCR.
What Kind of a carriage did Phaeton driyef
| Why, the SUMS truck, OF course.
A South Carolina paper Is called the Nut
Sheu. Or course it IS edited by q "Kernel."
:, A dealer in water-coolers, etc, adverttses
make any man swear.
| The individual who called tight boots comfort
able defended his position by Saving they mads
| q man forget all his other miseries.
! An exchange ponders on the Eastern troubles,
and lutilly remarks: Ct Turkey is redeemed
At least, the Sultan took it from his Uncle"
There is something wonderfully great and Inn
| pressive about the roar of thunder, until you
discover it has soured the last haf-pint Of milk
| in the house.
"Mike, and is It yersclf that can be afthcr
tellin' me how they make ice-cramel" ain
| ovens, to be surea"
"What Kind Of carpet shall ne get for the
parsons studya" asked church committeeman
of his colleague. ssAx Minister" was tho
| comprehensive reply.
It is not necessary to s'heap Goals Of fire on IN
encmy's heads this weather. 1t would be less
trouble and just as effective to bribe him to
/ ~~-~ANA 49,
| 4 Camden manlugged bntcher-knife around
1or TWO hours, Offering to kill any one who said
| he wasn't Moses, of Biblical fame. Every one
said he looked just like Moses.
t 4 tramp was kicked out OF q saloon, and fell
agggrieVed about it. stBy the wav he moved
me" he said, gently touching his coattails, 81
thought it was the 1st OF May"
A citizen OF Dakota took Turkish bath In
| Omaha few Days ago, and died within an hour.
| nf fhl IT, .3rt4
| to have got SO much Of the mud oil Of him at
| one time.'
d1adrt,cs' BGzaT: Women are not allowed to
| vote for vestrymen in California, and because
| Providence does not interfere, there's
| growing GOODNESS between the women and
| Providence.
The Hcsslan fly is doing much damage in Iowa.
and O keokuk paper inquiringiy asks whence
! this new pest originated. Why, everybody ought
| to know that it was Washington who made the
| Hessian fly.
| It was printer who perpetrated this double
barreled, breech-loading pun-conundrum: Why
is an old mans farm In Texas like the focus OF
| sun-g1ass! Because it's the place where the
| SONS raise meat.
| pedestrians in Kentucky to witness in every
| farul-yard wildeyed men, gesticulatiug sky
| ward and yelling: ''No more corned-beeft Send
down some quail on toast"
ssGen'rmen," exclaimed an old Connecticut
| salt, as he graspcd the brawny arm OF Yale
! College oarsnan, and called the company's at
| tcntion tn its muscular development, ''gen'l-
| men, thar's intclleck for yer"
It is difficult to explain some OF the grcat
| problems Of Nature. It is estimated that II
| takes eighteen centuries to form foot OF coal,
| but it is wcll-known fact that ton left out
! on the sidewalk will usually shrink so per cent
| or more In single night.
| ~, -
pstrioticalfy Intoxicated the other night, and
| while in that condition resolved to aYenge Gus
| ter's dcath-and next morning not one sound
| wooden Indian could be found In the place
| N0rrist0Wn Herald.
| A tailor Of melancholy temperament Was OBJ
Canada shore, gazing intently at the Horseshoe
Fall, with its thick cloud Of spray. 4 reporter
] stole up unobseryed, and heard him muttcr:
"What place to sponge coat"
| "I'd like you to help me 1itt1c," said q
tramp, poking his head into Q country store
why don't heR ySu[ssf 81; sad the ss Pro- Rtbs
tramp, as he picked up a bottle Of whisky and
| two loavcs OF bread and disappeared
| The other side Of the question: A Paris
criminal, noted for the frequency OF his appear
ancc in q court Of justice, on receiving severe
sentence reproycd the Judge for severity and
| iugratitudc. stBut for my Glass;" said he, you
would be without place and support"
Aman In Iowa was bitten by rattlesnake,
but the liberal use Of neighbours whisky cured
him. The next day he was seen walking slowly
on the prai.ie, and looking earnestly for some
thing. He was asked what he was looking for.
"For the bite OF a snake" was the reply.
1t is related Of Sidney Smith that once, on
entering a drawingroom IN q West End
| mansion, he found It lined with mirrors on all
sides. Finding himself reflected in every direc-
! tion, ne said he " supposed he was ut q meeting
Of the clergy, and there seemed to bea very re-
| spectacle attendance"
"Ou aye" (hands him one almost EMPTY
Dayie: 1sHae ye ony tobaccas" John: "Yes,
s.ilil'7] Hi - DaTie ]after 6lling): EHae ye
match, John!" John Ito third person standing
| laws !''-Pu,.ch.
| A hotcl-kcepcr posts 1T his door this notice:
:" Englisn, German, italian, and Spanish Spoken
| Hcre.n Arrives an Englishman, and IN tAntas-
ticFrcnch asks for the interpreter. Monsieur"
replies the waiter, there is none" " What, no
intcrpretcrs And yet you say on your sign that
Ill the languages are spoken here" Yes, sir,
| by the travellers. ."-Paris Figaro.
| A boy at the stWcst End u had birthday
/ marty. A 6-year-old guest thus describes 1t to
lis mother: "First We all had some bread and
| butter. Then we had some lemonade cold
enough to freeze you. Then re Ill had piece
Of Birthday cake. Then we alI had lot Of icc-
cream; and then all the little boys had tue
stomach-ache. The big gi.ls told us to 60 into
| the house and lie down on the floor, and they
| made us drink peppermint and water until We
felt better. Then We all went out to play"
| A Hibcrnlan collector OF soap-grease at the
| South End, who has driven around the most
| shattered old frame that horsehide could
| cover, appeared the other morning, bucket in
| hand, and on foot. When questioned ns to the
absence OF his four-1cgged scarecrow, be replied;
0Och! Mrs. Blank, minny dollar I've spint on
! thin harscs, an they do be dyin' on NE hands,
| bad cess to em.'' To this the housekeeper sug-
| gcsted that perhaps 1t would be better and
! Cheaper to buy good horse !" Thrue for ye,
| 1na'am," said the Grecian. BY me soul av l
! see the morrow I'll buy good harsc NJ It costs
me tui,ty t''-Bosto's consn'ercs btfEEean-
/