Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1876-09-07
ALL OVER INGIANA.
ORGUsT 30th, 1876.

ORGUsT 30th, 1876.
TELLER REFoRMERs:
Sirs-After giten mi edekasion sim
nerd doun to pint of noleg, and |
gitin mi shepe skin bi order of the |
President of the CRATE senterral COM
nifty of the CRATE Reform party and
bein edikated by the CRATE dimerkrat
party for the CRATE Reform bizines,
and tn take active part in the CRATE
campane this fall, tn do all that lade
in mi massive pour to put the guver-
mint in the hanze Of the CRATE Re-
form party jist as sumo as the abo-
litionesis wud let us, I felt it mi duty
tn go to work tn wunce, and bi mi
speeches and doins make the aboli-
tons feal the pour of mi massive
brow and gigantic intellect and to
make mi marke in the CRATE Reform
shrugged for liberty, so that mi after
generations mite luck back on mi
parsed life and tel the foxes wat a
CRATE man thar fore Pa. wrz and then
tn thank the CRATE spirit ttat 1 had
teached them the guide olde Reform
principles, and tina like guild old Mar
ry, had chuzen that gud part that cud
not be taken frum them. So went
to our squire, Ebonezer Slabslammer,
hoo liz also our Preacher, and bi the
wa liz gud Reformer hoo never yet
skrached a ticket-nary a skrach.
But when got thar Mrs. Slabslam-
mer sed that the CRATE Reformer had
gon to preach a abolition funeral.
She sed she was very glad tn inform
me that the abs. had lost a mother
vote.
1 sed wus tn and axt her how
sumo the CRATE Reformer wud be to
hum. She sed in bout our. SO
waited til he cum. And he cumin in
the houce axt him if he warn't tired.
He sed no, he cud go out prech duz-
zen more such funerals and wud be
glad of the chance. He sed he
charged the abs. ten dollers, but did
ent charge the ReformeIs nothin. 1
told him that was rite. And talkin
fur sum time told him that he wuz a
smart man and wanted sum instruc-
tions as wuz goin out in the crate
Reform biZines for which / wur cre-
ated. He sed amen, and continerd
bi sain that shud go tn the sekreta-
ry OF the CRATE senterl commity Of
the crate Reform party and thar draw
sum muny to pay on the kears. So
arter hevin prare and gitten mi bottle
filed agin, and feelin as timber and
friskey as tn year old steer, and mi
hart teamin forth with many kind
emotions lords that CRATE sante and
Reformer, went tn the secretary and
handed him a recommend frum mi
preacher, witch give full history Of
mi life and bizines. He red it and sed
bully for you'll" So axt him if thar
wus any mummy on hand; to which he
sed plenty, ser, plenty" and axt me
how much wanted and whar was a
goin. Ill
sed was goin doGn tn Com
federit Y roads TIL Sc the he'd senter
of the CRATE Reform party and thar
tn git all necessary Information. SO
/ axt the secretary how much mummy
he had on hand. So he counted it
over several times and sed thar was
jist one dollar and twelve shillings
and sed had better take it al, SO as
tn hav plenty, and wen the-next bar
rel cum around he wud git more. /
sed mo, you had better keap the IL
shilIings and by ten or fifteen votes
for the state election. least the barrel
shut not git around in time" Tu
wich he sed wus very thotful and
sed wus truly CRATE and wise man
and wud git to be the CRATE Reform
President OF the u. s., and wud per-
haps foller Mr.. Tilden. SEE $50 mote
it be- and takin the dollar started
hum to put on clean shirt and I'll mi
pockets with biskets. So arter doin
thusly kissed hammer jane, that's mi
wife. started for the kears, but afore
got tn the gait herd orful noize
and Tucked round. Here cum hammer
jane, yellin like modock injun-sez
/ Ahanner jane, wat in the name OF the
CRATE reformation is the matter?"
Sed she @you tux the larst bisket
there was in thehous, and hante got
no mummy" See "hanner jane, /
hev mad all arrangements for your
wants whilst | am gon. Thar hes ben
severl gad reformers promised tn
take mi place til cum back" She
sed mo, they wuz reformers in gud
standin and he'd quit doin that kind
OF bizines, and as reformers we shud
stick clus to them principles; and
don't you forgit it while gone neith-
err SEE iFhanner jane, vii du lis
as plese and yu kin du the same"
wher upon she flu at me like hiena
and GRABBED me by the collier and stove
mi plug hat down over mi face and
begun to punea me in. the-ribs and
jerk me around jist as IL dident cost
nuthin. Til at last bethunk miself
and begin to holler Reform, Reform,
Reforml And I'm les than no time
thar w,rz "a dozen reformers tn mi
help. Sum taren me luce frums her
I grasp; sum giften mi hat back tn its
proper place. And bi the time cud
sc da lite thar was 'skores OF pepel
hoo had rushed to the sene OF action.
And on lokin around diskivered a
abolitionist standin fokin on. WHARF
upon he'd him arrested tn, wunc on
charge Of solt and battery with in
tent to commit murder. 4 tuck him
afore squire Slabslammer, hoo wuz a
glld Reformer, sndso wuz the consta-
bel
! l cald fur curry Of twelve Re-
formers, hoo found verdict OF gilty.
afore they wus swore in. So the
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