Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1876-02-12
Ny Senatorial seeretaryship

MARK Twain.
/ am not private Secretary to q
Senator any more now. held the
berth two months in security, but my
bread began to return from over the
waters, then--that is to say, my words
came back and revealed themselves
jud ed it best to resign. The way OF
il was this: My employer sent for me
one morning tolerabIy early, and, as
soon as had finished inserting some
conuadrums clandestinely into his last
great speech upon finance, entered
his presence. There. was something
portentious in his appearance. His cra-
vat was united; his hair was in state
of disorder And his countenance
bore about it the signs ola suppressed
storm. He held package of letters
in his tense grasp, and knew that
the dreadful Pacific Mail was in. He
said: i thought you were worthy of
my confidence 2" | said: "Yes, sir. !"
He said. II gave you letter from a
certain one of my constituents in the
State of Nevada asking the establish
| ment OF postoffice at Baldwin's
Ranch, and told you to answer it, as
ingeniously as you could, with argu-
ments which should persuade them
that there was no real necessity for an
Office at that place.
felt easier. ''Oh, if that is all, sir,
| did do that"
Yes, you did. I will read your an
swer, for your own humiliation:
"'WAsHINGTON, Nov. "a, 1875.-
Messrs. Smith, Jones and others:
Gentlemen-What the mischief do you
want a postofice at Baldwins Ranch +?
1t would not do any good. IF any let
ters came there you couldn't read them,
you know; and, besides, such letters
as ought to pass through with money
in them, for other localities, would not
be likely to get through, you must per-
ceive at once; and that would make
trouble for us all No, don't bother
about postoffice In your camp. | have
your best interests at heart, and feel
that it would only be an ornamen,
and free school. These will be last
ing benefit to you. These will make
you really contented and happy. will
move in the matter at once.
Very truly, etc,
MARK TWAIN.
For James w. N, U. S. Senator.
THAT is the way you answered that
letter. Those people say they will |
hang me if ever enter that district |
again: and | am perfectly satisfied they
will, too" well, sir, did not know
/ was doing any harm. | only wanted
to convince them" "Oh, well, you
did convince them, | make no manner
of doubt. Now, here is another spec
linen. | gave you apetition from GER
tain gentlemen of Nevada, praying that
/ would get bill through Congress in
cooperating the Methodist Episcopal
Church of the State of Nevada. |
told you to say, in reply, that the cre-
alton of such law came more prop
erly within the province of the State
Legislature; aud to endeavor to show
that, in the present feebleness of the
religious element ia that new Common
wealth, the expediency of incorporat-
ing the church was questionable. What
did you write?
"WAsHINGToN, Nov. .24-Rev. j ohm
Halifax and others-Gentlemen: You
will have go to the State Legislature
about that speculation of yours-Con-
gress don't know anything about relig-
ion. But don't you hurry to go there
either, because the thing you propose
to do in that new country isn't expedi-
eut-in fact, It's ridiculous. Your re-
ligious people there are too feeble in
intellect, in morality in piety, in every
thing pretty much. You had better
drop this--you can't make it work.
You can't issue stock on incorporation
like that-or if you could it would only
keep you in trouble all the time. The
other denominations would abuse it,
aud bear it, and sell it short, and
break it down. They would do with it
just as they would do one of,your sill
yer mines out there-they would try
to make all the world believe it was
wildcat You ought not to do any
thing that is calculated to bring a sa-
cred thing into disrepute. You ought
to be ashamed of yourselves, that is
what think about it. You close your
petition with the words: And we will
pray l think you had better--you
need to do it. Very truly, ETC.,
MARK TWAIN.
For James W. N. -, United
States Senator"