The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-02-24
wit and HumOr.


The wedges of sin Burglalious tools.
CHo1R-ELsoME9 people Church sing
ers. s@aFA@ s1aats s.e@
WHEN q man. prefers water to spiritu-
GUS liquor he is a well wisher.,
WHAT is that which every one wishes
for and yet tries to get rid of? A splen-
did appetite. o1u5 s. L. II
An old farmers description of a point
less preacher was: g A good man, likely,
but he rakes with the teeth up"
Speech of an accused man in court
at Boston last week: g Gentlemen of
the jury, never stole any junk in my
life. That isn't my line. The dry goods
business is my line. "-Idi@ A
"W1L you please insert this obituary
notice 2" asked an old gentleman of an
editor. :" make bold to ask it because
[ know the deceased had great many
friends around here who'd be glad to
hear of his DEATH" ,ssa
The other day when a Detroit woman
asked her husband to bring home bar
of soap when he came home to dinner,
he exclaimed: 6 What is that bar gone
SO quick? - "It's sll gone," she replied,
." but was as saving as [ could be. 1
haven't washed the children for five
days past, so as to make it last the week
out" s6a ue 81, slssa
The following conversation took place
the other evening at q tea-table In Ban
gor,. Me-: Five-year-ol to his mother +:
I" Mother, can [ have a cooky 2" g No,
my son. = :. Mother. can I have quar-
ter of a -cooky ~ ssiNo, my son. p"
Fs Can I have a crunb of "a cooky 2"
Mop "Wen, then, can T saaelLsof
cooky 2"
A,G1RL and boy, between the ages of
III and IL, were noticed in a long and
close conversation, in the Atlanta depot
At length the boy began to weep, his
loud boo-hoos attracting a crowd.
What's the matter?'' asked a sympa-
thizer. g He wants me to marry him,
and / won't" replied the girl. The
spectators withdrew.
A New LONDON connoisseur' OF liquor,
understanding that rum improved by
being sent to sea, intrusted cask to an
old Captain who did not return for three
years, when the New Londoner found
that all the rum had been absorbed.
Afectionately Selling the sailors hand,
he naively gave thanks, asking, Can I
ever forget your goodness In bringing
back my cask9 Never, never T.
1 PASTOR was conversing with that
very. gentle and most indispensable
critic, the pastors wife, on Sabbath
evening, about the morning sermon.
"Was it good?" Yes," she replied,
very" Was it not a complete chain
of thought with no link omitted 2" ,''Yes,
it was certainly that, but it seemed to
me, husband, that at the hearers end
you forgot to put on the hook r.
FooTE, the comic actor of Garrick' S
time, was great jester, and writer In
TEMPLE Bar relates this Instance of his
wit: tsWhere on earth can it be gone"
said Foote, when Garrick dropped a
guinea at the Bedford one night, and
was searching for it in vain. E'To the
devil, I think, answered the actor, ir-
ritably. :" Let you alone, David, for
making a guinea go further than any one
else, /" was the reply.
ea DREAM OF A SPELLING BEE.
Menageries, whel sleuth hounds caracole, "a
Where jaguar phalanx and phlegmahc gnu
Fright ptarmigan and kestrels cheek by jowl.
With peewit and precocious cockatoo.
Csaunt senegchals in crotchety cockades sts
With seine net trawl for porpoise in lagoons;
\ While scullions gauge erratc escapades
OF madrepores in water-logged gaIleons.
-FIanboyant triptychs groined with gherkins green
In reckless fracas with coquettish Dream,
Ecstatic gargoyles, with grotesque chagr1n,
Garnish the gruesome nightmare OF my dream2
Punch. 2E
He came back to his mother looking
very forlornIy, with big red swelling
under his left eye and four or FIVE hands
ful of torn shirt boiling over his breeches-
band Why, where on earth have you
been 90 she asked. Me and Johnny's
been playin'. He played he was a pirate,
and I played was a Duke. Then he
put on airs and I got mad, and"
g Yes, yes, interrupted his mother, her
eyes flashing, e and you didn't finch z"
"No'm, but the pirate licked.
He was middle-aged, respectable
looking citizen, and his face wore an
anxious look as he halted at corner
peanut stand, and said he would take
five cents worth. "That's lead nickel
q no good" replied the boy, as be sur
vaved the coin. I" You won't take 1t 2"
ssNoap.'' "Then blast the currency r
yelled the citizen, as he threw the coin
over a store. GIVE tramped around a
whole hour to get rid Of that nickel, and
I'm going to quit right here and go TO
dinner i''-Detroit Free Press.
English Justice.