Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1876-04-22
Humorous.

Humorous.
"How late is it, Blll?' Look at the boss
and see if he's iruok yet; if he isn't it cao,t
be much after H. Does he keep good time r
Splendid; they set the town clock by his
uose.
"Biddy, what's the mean temperature of
Summer weather in Irelaud?' said oockney
to = young Irish lass. "Mane, Sir! There ;
nothing name about Irelaud-bad luck to yees
for dirty spalpeeu
A Western paper announces the illness of its
editor, piously adding: ''Ali good paying sub
seribers are requested to mention him In their
prayers. The others need not, as the prayers
of the wicked avail nothing.
Don't you think you have a prejudice
against the prsoner?" asked lawyer Of a wit
ness. "Very likely" was the reply, Il have
caught him stealing two or three times. >
A lady had her dress trimmed with buges
before going to ball. He1 little daughter
wanted to know if the buges would blow when
she danced. "Oh, uo." said the mother;
''papa will do that when he sees the bill.
Come Pete" said merchant to a gentle
gnaa of the colored persuasion, what II you
put that load Of wood into the cellar for 2
"in de fuss place, my name is Peter, Sir; sec
ondIy, Use professional carpet-cIeaner and
whitewasher; turdermo, doesn't compete for
sich jobs, Sab -
What is fame? A gentleman entered bar
Der shop. when the following coIloquy took
place Barber-Any news? Gent MIR. Stewart
is dead, | hear Barber-Whch Mr. Stewart?
Gent-A. T. Stewart. Barber (thoughtfu:tyl-
Guess he don't shave here Boston Journal.
Thus talks an old farmer about bis boys
"From sixteen to twenty they kDew more than
| did; at twenty-five they knew as much at
thirty they were willing to hear what had to
say at thirty five they asked my advice, and
think when they get to be forty they will &C
knowledge that the old man does know some
thing.
A ''bumptious' traveller, overtaking an old
Presbyterian minister, whose nag was much
iatigued, quizzed the old gentleman upon his
turn out" "A nice horse yours, doctor. very
valuable beast that-but what makes him wag
his tail 80, doctor p why, as you have asked
me | will tell you. 1t is for the Same reason
that your tongue wags so-a sort Ut natural
weakness.
Au English traveller arrived at one of those
comfortable ions 10 the North OF SEQ tland, and
told the landlord he ielt uoWell, at which the
latter expressed his regret. Nv hat medical
officer" said he, "have you here + Medical
0mcef, Ola you say, SIT WISH w eeo
physician. ''W haten kind O man is he p
"Copfouud it [ want sume medlcue. Nv eel,
sir, we've only iva medicines in this part o the
couu,ry-tar for the ou side, and whisky tor
the inside O. ourselves"
The IRON MAsK.-rhe following anecdote
was related to Charles Sumner by Gen. Cass,
and is given 10 A. B. Johusou's "RecoIlec-
tions of Charles Sumner -
When Gen. Cass was Minister to France be
became somewhat intimate with the then Hing
Of the Freoeh, Louis Philippe. Ooe evcuiug
when they were alone. the General requested
permission to ask question.
ASK whatever you please, the II ng re-
piled.
"rheu," queried the Minister, ''cau your
Majesty tell me anything Of the Man III the
Iron Mask p
"Ah," replied Louis, somewhat amazed,
''yes, aud | will tell you all know about 1t.
When returned from America, immediate
y upon seeing my cousin, Count 'ArtoiS, |,
eyincing the same curiosity, asked him whether
he could tell me anything about the mystery.
Only this, replied the Count: Once, IN ram
bling through theTuilelies. found myself ln the
apartments of Queen Marie Antonette. Part
lug the curtains which concealed me from her
eyes, saw her on her knees before the King
IN uercy's uame," she said, Sire, tell me- !
wno acaS the Man in the Iron Mask p Il
cannot tell you" answered Louis xvi, sterny.
| learned it from my predecessor, aud can tell
it only to my successor. Blu; this | will tell
you: if you knew who he was, you would be
greatly disappointed at the curiosity which he
has excited. -"
Too MUCH JoKING.-Slsug is not wit.
Neither is the miss spelling of words humor.
And We may 20 even further, and say that the
prevalent disposition to present everything se-
rlous as we'll az trihlng, in a ridiculous light,
Is also bad as matter OF morals. Yet there
are many people whose sole effort 10 writing
aud 10 conversation appears TO be IN the dlrec
tion OF what they consider ''smartness. That
CONSTANT trlhiug with the sad realities of hu.
mao life; with the serious work OF human
kind With the evtuts OF the day, and with the
character of the living and with the memory
OF the dead, IL lowering the tone not only of
literature, but OF morals. The world itself is
not huge j'ke. however some people may so
affect to cooslder it.
Monday night at the Hippodrome, 10 New
York. Dom Pedro being present. MIR. Moody
asserted that not even au emperor can save his
soul without submitting to Christ This recalls
an anecdote of Peter Cartwright, the revival
,st. de was preaching ope day, when Genera
Jackson entered the church and attracted, as
MI. Cartwright thought, more attention than
he was entitled to. wherupon the preacher
Justify sang out: Who cares for Genera
jackson? He'll 90 to hell as quick as auy.
body if be doesn't repent!'
HAVING purchased the Gallery formerly
IL owned by Mr. A. NJ Hall, at
No. SO KING STREET,