Litchfield enquirer., 1876-10-19
CLIRP1MCS

ploy tHeIr regular number Of nanQS.
 Awkward Ornaments. well-moulded arm IS prettler without bracelets; besides ! they are liable to scratch fellows ear.
 On child being told that he must bt broken of bad habit, he naively replied
 ''Papa, hadn't I better be mended?"
 A romantic young man says that z young woman's heart is like the moon-i changes continually. but always has 2 man in 1t.
 A city missionary was asked the cause of his poverty. Principally said be with a twinkle in his eye, because I have preached so much without notes." A shrewd old countryman said he didn't
 believe there was any downright cure fol l laziness in man. ''But," he added, i've known second wife to hurry it q bit"
 "My dear," said gentleman to his wife, "our new club is going to have all the home comforts. Indeed said the wife; ''and when, pray, is our home to have all the club comforts?" Grace Greenwood 8 impressions of rid ing upon a cow-catcher Gan experiment which she recently tried) are summed up ln the following remark: "I shall never do that again.
 "Wherever you find many men you find many minds," exclaimed public speak er. 'Taint so, by jingo! responded one oi the auditors. ''If you'd only ask this whole crowd out to take a drink, you d find em all of one mind"
 They debate strange questions down East. The last was, "What is the differ ence between the Bridge of.Siohs and the size of a bridge?" The next is to be, "The difference between a fac-simile and a sick family"
 A few years since, at the celebration of an anniversary, poor peddler who was present, being called upon for toast, of tered the following: ''Here is health to poverty-lt sticks to man when all his friends forsake him."
 A professor was expostulating with a student for his idleness, when the latter said, "It's of no use; was cut out for a loafer." "Well, declared the professor, surveying the student critically, "whoev- CT cut you out understood his business. '
 "What is the chief use of bread?" asked an examiner at recent school exhibition, ''The chief use of bread" answered the urchin, apparently astonished at the sim- plicity of the inquiry, ''is to spread butter and jam on it.
 Said I to little brother Howard, "There! your toes are out of your stockings again; seems to me they wear out in hurry. :" O n@ know why stockings wear out first at the toes?" ':No." "Because toes wiggle, and heels don't"
 'Ill bet sheep" said old Meredith to his better half, ''that our boy Otho is go- ing crazy; fur he's grinnin' at the blow, he's grinnin at the barn, and he's grinnin' to himself wherever he goes." 'Pshaw! old man, said hls wife, ''you don't know nothin.' The critters got a love-letter!"
 They were a gushing young couple, and were 'doing'' the Chinese department in the great Exhibition. 'Do you know" asked he, ''that the Chinese are more than six thousand years old?" Why, mo-" re- turned she, with astonishment; they don't look to be over thirty, do they?"
 A New Hampshire man told story about flock of crows three miles long and so thick you could not see the sun through it. Don't believe it." was the reply. "Wa'al, said the narrator, "you're stranger, and l don't. want to quarrel with you; so, to please you, I'll take off a quarter of mile in the thinnest part"
 Lord Campbell, it is we'll known, was fond of joke. and sometimes had the tables turned upon himself. A few days before his death he met barrister who had grown very stout of late. and remark ed, "Why, Mr:-. you are getting as lord, for the great seal," was the ready repartee.
 A young lady once received the follow ing note, accompanied by some flowers: 'Deer Emmer-I 1 send by the boy bo- kay of Hours. They is like my love for u. The nite shades menes keep dark. The dog fennel menes that am your slave Rosis red and posis pale, my luv for you shall never fale."
 A country deacon went home one eve. ming and complained to bis wife that he had been abused down at the store shamefullv. One of the neighbors. he said had called him liar. Her eyes fash ed with indignation "Why didn't you tell him to prove it!' she exclaimed, 'That's the very thing-that's the trou- ble," he replied; 'I told him to prove it, and he did,"
 A gentleman who had married a second time indulged i'll recurring too often in conversation to the beauties and virtues of his first consort He had, however. barely discernment enough to discover that the subject was not an agreeable one to his present lady. "Excuse me. madam" said he, ''I can not help expressing my regrets for the dear deceased" "Upon my honor," said the lady, "I can most heartily affirm that I am as sincere a mourner for her as you can be-" ; A poor Irishman applied to one of the overseers of the poor for relief. and upon some doubt being expressed as to wheth- or he was proper object for parochial relief. he enforced his suit with much earnestness. "Och. yer honor," said he. ''shure I'd be starved long since but for me cat" But for what?" asked the as- tonished interrogator. Me cat," reioin- ed the Irishman. ''Your cat! how SOP" ''Shure yer honor, I sould her eleven times for sixpence time, and she was always home before I could get there me- self.
 Several ladies were sitting together on the balcony of the Clifton Hotel, Niagara, the other night, when the moon, although full, was somewhat hidden by clouds. A natty little fellow came towards the group and sad, softly. ''Pussie darling!" whereupon all the young ladies jumped up and came toward him eagerly. He &c., lected one and walked away with her. The other brides sat down, and told their respective Romeos afterward that it was "too ridiculous for anything" and that they "never were so embarrassed in the whole course of their lives"
 A very modest young lady, who wanted @ pair of garters, addressed the shop man thus: "It is my desire to obtain a pair of circular appendages, capable of being contracted or expanded by means of oscillating burnished steel appliances, that sparkle like particles of gold leaf set with Alaskr diamonds, and which are utilized for retaining in proper position the habiliments of the lower erfronoikias