The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-02-12
VARIETY.

Nothing so much DESTROYS a mans peace of
mind as to hear woman express the intention of
giving him piece of hers
90 Was not her death quite sudden?' asked a
cOndOling friend OF bereaved widower.
g Well yes, rather, for her."
The 81 Louis Journal says: ''These three
things it is unwise to repose confidence in-a
Democratic Legislature, nitro-glycerine, and a
mules sense of honour"
A new leaf in the family history Jack
- Now, Ill be papa going to business Sally
&" Oh, yes and I'll be the nurse, and you must
kiss me behind the door,
oh my precious Maud, give me one spray of
your shining haIr, that may wear 1t next to my
heart" said he. s. No, sir. Hair costs money,
and | won't give it away" said she.
Middle-aged gentleman, deeply interested in
the Centennial, asked a Miss of sweet sixteen if
she knew what important event 1876 would be
noted for, and she responded, 8" Leap year"
home rule orator, in recent speech, said:-
80 Here intended to close, but n new thought
comes rushing like mighty comet through the
heaven of mind, scattering systems in its path J"
The value of punctuation can be seen from the
following, which was hung out from certain
butcher shop in Oakland a few days ago, by the
proprietor thereof: - Gone to slaughter some one
wishing meet call at the Brewery
Our Youngest Satan says, Ladies should re-
member to keep their mouths shut when going out
of n warm room into the cool air. In fact, he
further remarks, - it wouldn't hurt anything to
keep them shut up most of times That youth
will play in another key when he's bit older
Some of our Western Addition folk are won
derfully conscientious. One of them when lately
asked what sort of man 4 certain neighbor was,
hesitatinsly replied '' Well, don't know nor
can't say much about him; but should think he
would make tip-top stranger"
A letter addressed to :. Any honest, well-in-
formed and reliable person." has vexed the Post
master at Austin, Nevada. One can not help ad-
miring his humility in not opening it himself
Why don't they find batch of such Postmasters
and make them into mining trustees?
As Professor Smith delivered it in his scientific
lecture it was as follows Filtration is some
times assisted by the use of albumen." After fl
tration through the muddled head of the compost
tor it appeared thus: " Filtration is sometimes
arrested by the use of the alderman
The Chicago balloon reporter always begins like
this: 80 The monster ship freighted with its ly-
ing cargo, shot upward into the boundless vacuity
of aerial space" Merely saying: 90 That the
balloon went up pretty FAST would be playing
into the hands of the other papers.
(Scene on a Kearney street car, on New Years
Day.: '' guess a leedle it will rain somedime
pooty quick exclaimed portly German on en-
tering the '' Yees do, eh ?" replied Irish
man at his side. - Well. want yees to under
stand that yeeS nave no business TO come over TO
America and say Onythin' forninst the weather.
Phat the divil do yees purtend to know about
American weather OnyhOw, ye furrin galOot?''
Here is the old story of - Aunt Hester's pound
cake - turned up again She would put on check
apron and say, g I'm going to make a splendid
loaf Of pound cake and find she hadn't butter
enough in the house, and add, 90 well, loaf of
cup cake with plenty of fruit will do frst-rate.
What, Johney eat up all the raisins? Dear, dear!
Plain cup cake amt bad, though. No eggs?
Well some saleratus biscuits always please the
children
Bet half dollar shall fall down Bet halfa
dollar 1 shall fall ~ murmured old chap last
evening as, loaded to the muzzle with forty-rod
swhisky, he was feeling his way down Smith street
Bet half doll Just here the old boys heels
hes so high into the air that his head and shout
ders beat them back to the ground. Rising to
sitting posture, he took up his hat, rubbed the
back Of his head, and then said '' Won the
money, by thunder and it is the first bet I've
won this Winter.