The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-03-09
Wit and Hnmor.

OFTEN hauled over the Goals The
poker.
VERY small fish are fry /; larges ones
are fried.
The noblest work of man is a neat and
happy home.
Books in cheap muslin covers are
bound to sell.
A DOG fight is now facetiously styled
an afdire de car.
WHEN is the baby like canister?
When it is tea thing.
THE cry al along the Philadelphia line
of home life will soon be call hands on
deck to repel boarders.
s'MR. SPILKINs, don't your wife want
to buy a nice sealskin cloak p asked an
uptown furrier the other day. "Don't
know, said Spilkins, s. Alaska"
AN Illinois girl wrote to the School
Commissioners of Chicago that she "had
bin out of employment for year, and
wud teech for $40 month and bord
round.
A PASSENGER train ON the Central
Railroad of Iowa was thrown from the
track, but as no one was smashed up but
couple of fddlers, the passengers
passed vote of thanks to the company.
AN old Irish woman who called on a
Rutland family to beg, the other day,
what he was doing, replied, ct have,
and, faith, he hasn't brains enough to
sit down."
HERE is a soliloquy of Partisan inc
briate, addressed to his hat which had
fallen off. It was overheard one night
on the Boulevards: eff pick you up,
fall if [ fall, you will not pick me up
then leave you, and he staggered
proudly away.
A SCHOOL teacher got the boys down
on him by taking their apples away from
them when they had them around in
school time, and eating them himself,
but he looks at them very carefully since
he ate one charged with red pepper.
GOOD COUNSEL.
Wou1dst thou select precious rose?
Have double of fate?
For one may bloom before its day,
Another bloom too late
The morning red will overshine
The red of any rose,
And in the night the thorn is hid
Which wounds thee where it grows.
From the German
The feeling seems to be gaining
ground in commercial circles that unless
some improvement is invented in safe
locks, return will have to be made to
the custom of those halcyOn days when
the cashiers wife carried the assets OF
the institution in her stocking and slept
with a rolling-pin and fat-iron under
her pillow.
A LITTLE schoolgirl asked her teacher
what was meant by Mrs. Grundy."
The teacher replied that it meant the
world" Some days afterward the
teacher asked the geography class to
which this little bnd of promise be-
longed, "What is zoneg" After some
hesitation, this little girl frightened up,
and replied, 81 know it's belt around
Mrs. Grundy's waist. /"
'sTHIs is my last CALL" remarked
hippant young gentleman to young
lady who was soon to be married on
recent occasion. Z" / never call on mar
ried women, or unmarried ladies after
they have reached twenty-five" "You
do well, sir, " gravely remarked an elderly
lady present. SAT that age, and after
marriage, they begin to know the value
of time, and do not like to waste it. !"
A P1oUs Newark girl recently discard
ed poor young man to whom she had
long been engaged, and gave her hand
to a wealthy gray-headed widower. She
said she had made the matter subject
of prayer, and that God told her that
with the rich mans money she could do
great good in the world in the way Of
converting sinners, and so she took up
the burden. It is only women who can
so sacrifice themselves.
DANBURY man says he never be-
longed to a fire company /; but that he
once attempted to advise the foreman OF
a company at fire. And what did he
say?" asked the interested listener.
Sc He didn't say anything HE didn't
like it, did he9" 81 am sure l don't
know but as he knocked me off the
walk with his trumpet and stamped on
me in the street have always believed
that he took some offense at my advice.
Still he said nothing to that effect
The Pail Mall Gazette says of the
American girl in England "Like the
wind, she goeth where she listeth, but
every man knoweth whence she cometh.
She arouses the hostility of English
matrons the moment she sets foot on
British soil. Few of them are aware
that she has been purposely trained to
self-reiance and self assertion, like her
brother, from infancy. Such training
shows itself In her manner, which CRATES
as harshly on British feelings as her
voice too often does on British ears. /"
This sample of the poetry of science
gives US the offspring Of chemical
wedding:
Messrs. Water and Oil
One day had broil,
AS down in the grass they were dropping,
And would not unite,
Bat continued to fight,
Without any prospect Of stopping.