The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1876-04-21
VARIOUS ssFODDER."

Dandies and nanny goats never fail
to pride themselves upon their kids.
s'Cub, gedtle sprig; ethereal bliddess,
cub" Ah-kit-chew.
-Many lady in Washington has
come to want-come to want diamond
earrings.
A little girl who wanted to be very
good during lent proposed to give up
going to school.
Why is a young lady like bill of
exchange? Because she ought to be
settled when she arrives at maturity.
An enterprising man in Philadelphia
displays the sign, "Fresh homemade
pies and milk"
The French on the average hotel bill
Of fare is put there to make the guest
so mad that he won't eat full meal.
Every married woman is personally
acquainted with man who will SIT right
alongside of stove and let the fire go
out.
Bristow says the country is getting
short of currency, which is point in
which we resemble the country near
enough to be twins.
-Four hundred vessels sailing from
Liverpool at once? !? Giersey, what
sight; it must have been well worth
going to sea.
The World says that Napoleon Je-
rome is sFnot cheesy in his mode OF
thought Meaning, probably, that
nothing that be says is binding.
Mark Twain's visit to England this
spring will be a business one. No
pleasure tour this tifne-he takes his
wife with him.
Harry Bloodgood has been lecturrng
on the subject Of stFish." lie says,
"Jonah was the first man who was re-
tired from the Interior Department"
A paper publishes this item GA
man named Pat was run over by a pas
senger train and killed on Wednesday
He was injured in similar way two
years ago.
s'Do they ever bark 90 asked old
Mrs. Dorkins, gazing at a pair of stnf-
fed sea dogs in the museum. "No,
num- said Elnathan, ssnot now. Their
bark is on the sea-"
Behind the scenes-Stage manager
tJohp go see if the ballet are all
dressed, for it is time to ring up the
curtain Boy returns "About ready,
sir; got most of their clothes off"
The centennial regatta will be a
proved event. -I1hslat1ckphia Star.
1t is steTn-Iy demanded that newspapers
steer clear of such puns this year. Nor
fistolc1a Herald.
An old Dutchman froze his nose.
While thawing the frost out, he sail,
'EI hat carry dat nose forty year, unit
he never freeze hisself before. no
understan dis ting
Scan you see me, dearest ?" said
Chicago man to his dying wife. "Tell
me, can you see me ?'' 'ENo," she taiut-
ly whispered, s.but I can smell your
breath"
If a generous but ugly boy gives his
younger brother $50" for stealing one
of his apples, and that night the apples
give him sssixty" 2, how many apples
did the younger brother receive?
eAnn," observed Banbury house
keeper to the hired girl the other
morning, 'sas we lave entered upon the
dawn of another century of our na-
tion's history, guess you had better
get toothbrush of your own.
1 clasped her fair hand in rapture of
bliss
Aud thought, oh, how blessed our fates
Till looked on the gloves that encircled
her wrist
And found that, alas. they we're ''eights.'
If there is anything in this world cal
culated to make man forget he's been
to hear Moody and Sankey on the pre-
vlous evening, it is to bounce cheerily
ont of bed in the morning and light on
the business end of a tack.
cit is said that the peculiar odor and
great strength OF Russia leather are
owing to the use of white birch bark in
tanning.'' They formerly used great
dea. of white birch for tanning pur-
poses in New England, but it develop
ed agility rather than strength.
A pretty little Ohio schoolmarm tried
to whip one of her pupils, a boy OF fif-
teen, but when she commenced opera
tions he coolly threw his arms around
hef neck ana gave ner nearly KISS.
She went straight back to her desk and
her tace was ssjast as red.''
ssWell, Pat" said an indulgent mas
ter to his coachman. who had just been
describing the glories of a St. Patriek's
Day dinner, twas your appetite sated?"
stSated, is 1t, yer Honor ? Shure, an it
wasn't. 1t had to sthand up along wild
v,1ocoIf most af the time -
There is deacon III Cleveland who
il training at present with the noble
army OF Independent voters. The other
day . party man twitted him with being
on the fence tsYes,o said our deacon,
{. am on the fence and there / propose
TO stay as loIIg as it's SO contoundedly
muddy on both side"
The other day, up in Watertown,
the wind blew lady directly into q
/ 1x,vv. 0aA ovoT cffoo that