Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1876-11-29
SMILER's HEALTa.LIFT.
why lhe Pntlenls were Aprry

SMILER'S HEALTh.LIFT.
why The Patients were AREFy.
Philadelphia Bulletin. Nov. 24.l
They are in the midst of big
lawsuit in ncighboring village
between DR.. Smiler and the rest Of
the population of the town. The
doctor, it seems, had a large tank
placed on the top of his house from
which to supply his bathroom, and
so forth, with water. The water
had to be pumped up about fifty
feet from the cistern in the yard,
and the doctor found it to be a
pretty good-sized JOB, which would
cause him constant expense. So
alter thinking the matter over
very carefully one day an idea
struck him. He built a room over
the cistern and put the word "Sani-
tarium" over the door. Then he
concealed the pump machinery be-
meath the floor and he rugged up a
kind of complicated apparatus with
handles and hinges and a crank, SO
that a man by standing in the mid
die Of the machine and pulling the
handle up and down would operate
that pump.
Then the doctor got out circulars
and published advertisements about
Smiler's Patent Health-Lift," and
he secured testimonials from a thou
sand or so people who agreed that
the Health-Lift was the only hope
for the physical salvation of the
human rac.. Pretty soon people
began to call to see about it, and
: Smiler would rush them out to the
, "Sanitarium" and set them tC
J jerking the handles. And when a
customer had pumped up fifty gal.
Ions or so, Smiler would charge
him a quarter, and tell him thai
/ three months of that kind of thing
would give him muscles like {
prize-fghter.
And he would push the proiec
> among his patients. If man wa
. bilious, or had the toothache, Of
+. was afflicted with rheumatism, O.
Group, or measles, or yellow fever
or cholera morbus, Smiler woul(
, turn him in at the Health-Lift anC
. get q quarter each time. The thin,
3 became so popular that he had t,
q enlarge his tank and put in
smaller pump; and he not onl
: got all his pumping done for moth
ing, but the people who did it pal,
' him about $1,000 a year for tn
/ privilege, 1t began to look like al
! uncommonly soft thing, and every
I body was cOntented and happy.
+ One day, however, old Mr.. Ma
= ginnis, who had been practicing a
o the Health-Lifteyery day for month
q in order to cure himself Of indiges
y ton, jammed the handles down
little too hard, and broke the boarc
. upon WHICH he was standing. A
: the board gave way it plunged Nh
. Maginnis into the cistern, and jus
? ? as he was sinking for the thirC
q time Smiler fshed him out with
q crooked nail in Che end of . clothe
= prop. As soon as the water wa
drained out of him Maginnis said
q didn't know you had a cisten
under that floor, What did you do
o chat for?"
i "Why, to keep the air moist. l
!. is healthier than dry air."
l. at looked to me as if there wa.
( some kind Of a pump under there.
"0h no, said smiler, "those ar,
only the levers of the Lift"
@Mighty queer" said Maginnis
q thoug6ifully. "If that isn't a puml
then J don't know one when | SCI
] it."
50 a few days later Maginni
o came around with a lot of othe
patients, and found the doctor out
They determined to investigate
: They pulled up a couple of boards
. and ascertained the facts about tina
i pump. Then they cross. examined
r Smiler's servant girl, and learne,
, about the truth, and they wen
? home mad. A consultation wa
held, at which every bilious ant
I rheumatic individual who had bee
@ working the doctors pump use
Q violent language, and talked abou
murder and sudden death. FINAL
+ they resolved to prosecute Smile
q Tor damages and for obtainin
. money under false pretenses, 1t
thought by good Judges that by tn
+ lime the court gets through wit
Smiler that will be about the ul
4 healthiest Lift for him he was eve
n interested in.
" ~ Mere Footing.
d Detroit Free Press.
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