The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1876-11-08
Bits of Fun.

The heat is reported so extreme il
Rhode Island as to have expanded the
State into quite country.
The candidate who was Gin the handi
of his friends" was taken home safely
They pulled off his boots and put hin
in bed.
A young Philadelphian, threatened
with a breach of promise suit, says
"Sue away; contracts made ON Sun
day amt legal"
"What do you propose to take fol
your cOld2" said a lady to a sneezins
gentlemen. "Oh, I'll sell it very
cheap; i won't higgle about the pric'
at all.
ga Roman lictor," said Bates, whose
historical information comes by detail;
ga Roman lictOr! Well, I s pose she
deserved it. No one but the Roman
knows"
There is man in Newark so close
that when he attends church he occu
pies the pew farthest from the pulpit
to save the interest on his money while
the collectors are passing the plate fol-
contributions.
81 don't see how you can have been
working all day like horse, exclaimed
the wife of lawyer, her husband hav.
ing declared that he had been thus
working. "Well, my dear, A." he replied,
I've been drawing a conveyance all
day, anyhow"
William" spoke gentleman in a
Court street Office the other day to a
friend who he supposed to be in the
next room. ga little louder, sir"
said one who understood the case bet
ter, che is now passing through the
town Of Reading."-BOstOR advertiser.
Madame Y. thinks of going to the
circus, and her servant-girl tries to dis
suade her. eff 1 were, you, madame,
| would not CO." "Why?" "Oh,
they have a horse that stops before
the most foolish person in the audience
and suppose he should stop before
you"
A rural female beauty alighted from
the stage coach the other day, when
a piece of ribbon detached itself from
her bonnet and fell into the bottom Of
the carriage. "You have left your
bow behind" said a lady passenger.
mo L amt; he's gone a fishing" inno-
Gently replied the rustic.
Miss Banche Ito the old coachman)
-"Oh,.. John! will you put this worm
on hook for me? / can't bear to do it. "
Old John (dubiously)-"Well, I'm
sure some o the young gentlemen
would not mind, Miss, but I've rather
a dalicot stomach myself, Miss, and
cave at anything"
Biddy-"Did yez liver see a finer
wake, a nicer funeral, or a purifier
corpse than Paddy's?" Kate-"Niver
a wasn't" Biddy-"And do yez know
Paddy was that natural loike, had he
come to life and got out of his coffin to
see himself in it, be-dad he himself
wouldn't have known he was dead"
Speaking of bathing" said Mrs
Darlington, from behind the steam
that arose from her tea as a veil to her
bushes. when touching upon so deli.
cate a subject, "some can battle with
perfect impurity in water as cold as
Greenland's icy mountains and midas
coral strand; but, for my part, l prefer
to have the water little torpid"
During the recent "Occulation" Of
Saturn by the moon, or in other words,
when the moon passed between Saturn
and the earth, several astronomers,
who were watching the phenomenon
with particularly strong telescope, say
they distinctly heard the people OF
Saturn yelling "DOwn in 'front.'" to the
man in the moon.
A tailor and his son we're in the
olden days doing days work at a
farmhouse. The prudent housewife,
to secure a good days work, lighted
candles when daylight began to fade.
The tailor booked at his son and said,
"Jock, cOnfound them that invented
workin' by caunlelicht." cay" replied
young snip, cor DAYLIGHT either,
father"
At court lawyer pleads his clients
idiocy in defense. The Counsel
Gentlemen of the jury, you see before
you in the dock an idiot, a miserable
idiot, who" The client (interrupting)
Hold on, hold on Don't put it so
strong as that" The Counsel (tri-
umphantly)-"There, gentlemen; can
you doubt it? He contradicts me.
An Arkansas coroner, having occa-
sion to investigate the cause of a mans
death lately, charged the jury that
they were to ascertain whether the man
came to his death by accident, incident,
or by ineendiary." The jury returned
that "he came to his death by incident,
the bowie knife having incidentally
touched vital part"
1t was evening. Three Of them
were killing a cat. One of them
held lantern, another held the eat,
and the third jammed the pistol in the
cats ear and fired, shooting the man
in the hand shat held the cat, and the
one hOldinr the lanturn WAS wounded