The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1876-01-14
What I Thought to Myself

Men are lucky lnQlVl0uals I1ey
have the best of everything, and "wom-
ans rights" can never take away their
perquisites. The homeliest man mar
ries the prettiest, sweetest woman of his
acquaintance. A deformed man fire.
quently takes unto himself mate, and
the world expresses no surprise thereat.
have~heard people say, talking of
some wretch who looked like "Jack in a
box" 'I wonder he don't get married"
I never heard any one say this of q
plain-looking, awkward, sharp-visaged
girl. If the world says anything, it is,
"Of course, nobody would have her,
poor thing"
Men have no sewing to do. A woman
is supposed to be born with a spinet in
front Of her, and q needle in her hand.
If she has no taste for housekeeping,
she is dubbed "man-woman" and the
like. There are men tailors. Why do
not all men cut and make their own
clothes whether they have taste for it
or not, as women do? Men pirate about
the "good times" women have, but l
never heard a man wish he were a
woman. I heard "shaver' of eight
years say he would like to be a woman,
but the reason he assigned was, $50
could make lots o. pies and eat 'em."
Sometimes think that a just Provi-
dence will turn you men folks into
women in the other world. mean the
unappreciative ones among you; then
you could have a chance to be in the
good times and have the pies for the
making.
If literary gentleman wants board
ing place, he has almost his pick of
private families. "He is so quiet, so
entertaining, 80 useful in every way,
that we can take him right in as one OF
u.s." the family say. If literary lady
is seeking a home, she finds the greatest
difficulty in securing it. When a gen.
tleman boarder calls "for some hot wa
ter to shave" the maid of all work runs
blushingly up stairs with it, and gets a
compliment on red cheeks and smart
ways. But when a lady boarder re-
quests a like favor, the servant grum-
bles out, "Come and get it yersep, thin.
It's allus wanting hot wather ye are, to
dabble out yer old yaller laces.n Or the
mistress remarks languidly to her
daughter, "Miss B. is perfect bore, she
is such tax on the servants" If the
gentleman boarder is surprised asleep
on the sofa in the sitting-room, the la
dies put their fingers to their lips to en-
sure silence, and say at the first oppor.
tunity, "Isn't it splendid Mr.. ].
makes himself so much at home" PooI
tired Miss B. never tried the sofa at full
length but once, and then the loud con-
versation woke her up directly. If Miss
B. is constantly reading, the family
give her the name of "blue stocking y
But "Mr. ]. is interesting-always has
a nice book at hand-his common talk
il as iDafrnptiva aS q lecture ~
''I shall not be home till late" says
the gentleman boarder.
"Oh, never mind; we won't use tn,
bolt this evening""
"How thoughtful you are ~ is the re
ply:
"I may not be in quite at the usua
hour" says Miss BE- mildly.
1--WE like to have our boarders keeI
good hours. My husband is very par
ticular to have the door bolted at clever
precisely" snaps out the mistress.
II an old gentleman steals a kiss from
the pOuting lips Of a ''sweet sixteen" i
is q fatherly kiss, of course, and is only
given out of appreciation Of her extreme
youth and beauty. What would b.
thought Of an old lady, or even q mid
dIe-sged one, who appreciated goOt
looks to such an extent in a youth o
the other sex, that she couldn't let hin
pass without spinning him round will
kiss2
Men have no shack hair" Some
times they have no front hair, either
but it does not hurt them at all in tn
eyes Of the fair sex. They are "ol'
boys" and in screen old age" if the.
joke and wear stylish coats at sixty.
woman over thirty is "trying to b
young" if she doesn't wear drabs ant
look as sober as an undertaken.
The Bible itself gives the 'flion'
share" to men. When the two siuned
Eve was punished most. Adam wa
indeed put out of Paradise, but, if wha
all the lovers say is true, woman make
Heaven to man, and SO Adam wasn'
punished so very much, after all. II
took his Paradise with him.