The New Orleans Democrat. (New Orleans, La.) 1875-1876, 1876-04-16
SECRETARY TAFT.
An Alleged Account Of His First Inter-
view with the President.
Eat Contributor in SATURDAY, Night


Although ono Of the best lawyers in tho coun
try, Judge Taft doesn't know anything about
war He never fred CH n two horse lumber
wagon. But ho is determined to learn. The
oth r day Grant dropped in Mt the War Office
and found his new Secretary deer. among official
documents.
Posting yourself up. Aiphonso2" said the
President. with mn encouraging smile.
Yes" said the Judge eagerly, j want 10 know
everything pertaining TO the business. have
been running over the disbu ursements of the de-
partment for tho last year to SEQ what was OK
"For cataN what?S said the President. pausing.
"1atapults, You have them in the army.
haven't your" said tho Judge. in rather an un-
The President smiled q little and said they
did have n few left over from the war. but he be-
ieyed thoy had all been used up. Then the see-
Rotary said he should certainly order some more
made for he considered the catnpult one Of the
most effective weapons IN modern wnrlnre
"They did great execution Mt the siege % JSru- cru
retary "and it is doubtful whether Ttberius
would have been able TO have reduced the city
without them.
Grant looked ut his now Secretary through
the cigar smoke few moments. aud then told
him II he ordered any eatapults be had better
have them ''rifled" with nm adjustable, miizzie-
loaded bayonet and the Secretary made n Nom
orandum to that effect.
- soc that considerable money has been
spent in experimenting with torpcdoes." con-
tifnued the Seeretary. looking over the disburse
ments TINT seems 10 be u waste Of money. and
il encourages q bad habit among children. 80
rious accidents have frequently happened from
little boys throwing torpedoes under horses
feet on the Fourth Of July. and 1t ought to bf
stopped"
The President allowed that the torpedo wasn1
a thing to fool with. and the Secretary read on
Suddenly he jumped TO his feet. while the hot
indignant blood flashed 10 his worry temples as
he exclaimed: mo wonder the country Is i'm
poverished and the taxpayer groaning beDeatf
| his burden, Here. while trade langulshes and
the wheels of industry are clogged all over the
| land my predecessor has been shipping luxu
| rious deecacies to the garrison of our igrts
| thinIy concealed under the term she'll Wha
does shell mean? Shell oysters. Of course
| That's what 1t means. But they don't get an
| shell while am Secretary. I'll settle that.
| That's right" said the President ff they
get any oysters make them shell out Tor then
| Themselves. !" and then he added. in an aside Il
| himself. they would have to II they bought then
OF one Of Belknap's post traders" -,
Yes" continued tho Secretary; look at tn
quantity Of grape, on hand. classed among mu
| nitions Of war What does grape mean. ant
what is it for2' a.
| +" 1t is to wash down the shell oyster with.
suppose said Grant, with q merry twinkle II
| his eve, which the Judge didn't see.
| "That's It, exactly" cried the judge. Keep
| ing the soldiers on wine and oysters, Will
thousands Of people are wanderi ng around In
hopeless search for o free lunch. | tell you
| 'Iysss this Is scandalousW
glad he had q Secretary Of War at length. .wh
| was determined 10 look into things and reforI
| abuses and cautioning him not To forget I
have those catapults rifled, he returned TO IN
White House with broader grin on hi5 fac
than anybody had ever seen there before.