The Van Buren press., 1876-07-04
Carpet-Shaking as a Fine Art.

Mr.. Baringer has only been keeping
house about a year, and they took the
carpets up yesterday, for their frs. gen
eral housekeeping Mrs Baringers
mother was there, because she said Olivia
was mere child at such things, and she
didn't believe that Aristarchus was much
better, and it was better to have some one
sronnd who could manage,
The young people, however, felt very
confident that they had by numerous con
sultatons and many well laid plans, re
dueed house cleaning to perfect sci
enee, system that had never vet been
attained by any ether house keepers, and
they were all impatient TO get at work
and clean the whole house, from garrei
TO cellar, and have all the pictures bael
on the walls, and the carpets nailed doet
again before dark. They were disgusted
at the way other people cleaned house,
and Olivia thought it was perfectly WON
dertul how Arstarehns could have such
/ lueialv beautiful and systematic ideas on
matters of which most men, and she
would say most women as well, were SO
deplorably stupid and ignorant.
! The stirring notes of the alarm clock
dragged Mr.. Barringer out of bed at 3 10
a. m, and he thought he felt intolerablr
| sleepy for 5 o'clock, but he didn't look
at the clock until he was dresse d, and
then he WIS too mad to swear. He mere
| ly woke Mrs. Barnger up to tell her that
he'd bet thousand dollars some unk
headed sucker had changed the alarm,
after he had set 1t, and then he Topped
down on the lounge to sleep till daylight.
lie awoke at half past seven o'clock, the
| hour at which. by their pre- arranged sys.
tenn, and calculations, the two upstairs
bed room carpets were to have been beat.
en- and reaay to put down, as soon as the
floors were dry. Then the kitchen fire
went out twice, and they finally sat down
to breakfast, at half.past eight. Mrs.
Baringer's mother beguiling the time du.
ring that matinal meal by asking Olivia if
she minded how she used to be half done
her house cleaning by 0 O'clock ii. tie
morning. But Mr.. Baringer bore up
very well under it. and immediately after
breakfast be took up the bed.r car
pets. 1t was slow work. jerking the
taeks out one at a time Sometimes they
flew up into his face; sometimes he pull
ed the head off and left the tack in the
floor. and when they got to be rather
| thickly scattered round the room, he put
his knee down on one occasionally, and
talked in a tragmentary manner about
certain mill privileges connected with the
house keeping, which Mrs. Baringer
conldh us..iarstand. At last he noticed
that by ilfefs u the edge of the carpet.
gentle pull would par up half a dozen
tacks in succession. Har.s ~ r.,v,....
lie rose to his feet. grasped ..aas, gave a
eo.so Of the carpet. in botious pul-kr.
mighty lIIt. and md A tie dust settled little
~. $. Baringer and her mother were dis
covered standing in the door, looking in
speechless amazement aud horror at Mr..
Baringer, who stood like an image OF de-
spair, holding a carpet with a frlnged
edge in one hand, and long line OF car
pet binding in the other.
GLOW did you do p shrieked Mrs
Baringer.
"How ever did you do p echoed
Mrs. Barington's mother.
Then they both said something about
the incapacity in general of man, and
Mr.. Baringer endeavored to explain that
in Going across the room for the tack
hammer, he had caught his foot in the
edge of the carpet, with the result as
above. And at the conclusion OF his ex
PLANTATION, Mrs. Baringer's mother gave
n sniff that blew dust ont of the carpet
and there was general expression OF IN
credulity on the faces of the congrega
ton.
1t was a long time before they got thu
carpets down in the yard, and on the line
Then Mr. Baringer approached and smot
the first carpet with long stick, ana tn
next instant he was feeling his way out
dense cloud of dust, coughing, sneez
inc and suorting, and wildly gasping fo
air. He went around on the other siee
and as he aimed a terrific swipe at tn
caepet. ,he struck the clothes-prop, an
his nerveless arm stung and tinged to HI
neck. while his wall was heard down T.
, the city building. Then he got at il
aeain, and found that his stick was to
lieht. and he took another one. A fe'
strokes suf1iccd to convince him that
was too heavy, and he tried lath. lh'
broke in two at the first blow, and he trle
an apple switch, but it was too limhe
He finally gave up the idea OF beatln
any more. and called to Mrs. Baringt
that the carpet was ready to be shaker
: Mrs. Baringer, with her head in an apro'
came ont. They rathered the carpet, an
Mr. Baringer got the start oil her an
; shook rol! clear down to her hands, e.
: plodiug in snap and volcano OF du
in her face. Then she dropped the ca
. net, and sneczcd and protested.
' You shook too quick, deary, 81
said.
II "But YOU said you were ready, sweet
replied Mr.. Baringer.
= :. But YOU shouldn't be so rough, lov
ly,' she protested
j, {" We'll, have to shake hard to get Il
4 dust out, ducky,' he insisted,
), aWell, you needn't be so cross abo
# it, deary,' she said.
= "Oh, WELL he said. "you must G
pect hard work house-cleaning days, al
YOU mustn't lose your temper, sweety'
|. 1t isn't me that gets cross and Jer
n people around, lovely she said, II
you" ,,,
d II never jerked you around he
Y torted -,
" "Why, Arstarchus Baringer "
claimed his wife, making very large ey