Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-07-06
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

WHEN is bore not bore? When
he's afar.
SOME people are just like a buggy
Wheel-alWays tired.
THE familiar fly again sits down
with the family to dinner.
! CHICAGO is marrying off her people
at the rate of ten couple per day.
| SHOWING the cue in California
pushing the Chinese off the sidewalk.
THE world hates pompous-acting
man as turkey gobbler loatheth the
sight Of red rag.
NEVER parley with a locomotive. a
Kentucky man did the other day, and
the cow-catcher killed a fool.
THE average American is fast fell
low. In the morning he eats his break
fast and at noon he eats his dinner
fast
A JUDGE, in sentencing man to
death, observed, . Prisoner at the bar,
you will soon have to appear before
another and perhaps a better judge"
THEY have petrified grasshoppers out
near the Dakota bad Lands and
the inhabitants wish the s'pesky crit
ters'' were all ''stoned to DEATH il the
same way.
A WISCONSIN farmer says that next
winter Will be a severe one. He says
that whenever heavy crop of hay is
taken from the ground a bad winter is
sure to follow.
TEXAS beggars ask you to "please
give them a penny" and then, when
they see how much money you have,
they knock you down and take it all
without ceremony.
A CONNECTICUT tailor swOre in
court the other day that every tailor
who thought anything of his name al
ways charged from ten to twenty dol
lars profit on suit of clothes.
A sEEDY-LOOKING individual was
heard to remark to a friend: " TIy dear
fellow, can you lend me black wes-
kit for a time? My Aunt Betsy died
few days ago, and [ want to take
short mourn
CATTLE are dying from an unknown
disease in the upper part of Georgia.
On examination, the gall is found to
be enlarged and the liver affected
Sometimes the liver and entrails are
found in a state of modification.
cit is STRANGE muttered a young
man, as he staggered home from a sup
per party, chow evil communications
corrupt good hammers. / have been
surrounded by tumblers all the even
ing. and now am tumbler myself"
THE 'Belle Americana '-Suitor:
"Well, may hope, then, dear, that at
some future time [ may have the hap
piness of making you my wife"
American charmer: eyes, I hope so,
I'm sure, for / am getting real tired Of
suing fellows for breach of PROMISE
Punch.
In the presence of danger there is
nothing so necessary or soadmirable as
perfect self-poSsession. "Never mind,
dear; the Bible says it is our duty to
mOrtify the fesh," remarked a loving
wife to her husband, who was Jerking
himself around in an agonizing effort
to get fish-bo2e out of his throat.
His mother killed mosquito yester-
day, and his eyes, that have looked up
on the world for four years, barring
the nights, were thoughtful for many
moments. F'That skeeter will never
! go home to her children" he said, af-
ter time, "Will she? They, also,
will come out and bite some one, and
find out why it was that their mother
never came home to them"
A UNIQUE mausOleum was obtained
few days ago in the following way:
An enormous block of granite was
being lowered into the foundation for
dock at Haulbowline, Ireland. A la
borer fell under it unobserved, was
crushed into the layer Of concrete upon
which the stone rested, and his body
will remain there, as the truth was
| learned too late to recover it, except at
| great expense and trouble.
AT a case before the justice court in
| Plumas County, Cal, the other day,
concerning the sale of horse, one of
| the female witnesses asked to be re-
| called. She again took the stand, and
this was her additional testimony:
"Well, what [ wanted to say is that
the compliments wife had the reputa-
| ton of wearing false teeth and doing
her hair up in paper to make it curl.
l forgot to swear to it when / was I'D
| here BEFORE
THOSE persons who excel in athletic
exercises and believe themselves to be
gaining in health and soundness of
body thereby, may be interested in the
statement made by medical examiner
OF one of the prominent life insurance
| companies. He says that he looks with
| unusual care at applicants who say
rhaV have hoa,, orx-,npacfS and that he