The Osceola times., 1876-08-26
A Silent BcnefactOr.
PHILADELPHIA Bulletin.

Mr.. Cooley suffered a good deal last
winter from rheumatism in his breast,
and his wife was badly frightened about
it for fear il should end in consumption.
Cooley could not be induced to try any
remedy for the trouble, and Mrs. Cooley
was nearly worried to death about it.
At last she determined TO try strategy.
She made up dry mustard plaster, and
one night while he was asleep she sewed
it upon the inside of his undershirt, so
that it would just about cover the rheu-
matte place. Cooley dressed himself in
the morning, wholly unsuspicious of the
presence OF the plaster, and went down
stairs. At the breakfast table, while he
was talking 10 his wife, he suddenly
stopped, looked cross-eyed, and spasm
of pain passed over his face. Then he
took up the thread OF the conversation
again and went on. He was in the midst
Of an explanation of the political situa-
tion. when all at once he ceased again,
grew red in the face, arid exclaimed
81 wonder what in the-no, it can't be
anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the matter,
and Cooley said:
"Oh, it's that Internal old rheumatism
again-come back awful. But never
felt it exactly the same way before.
Kinder stings me-" Mrs. Cooley said
she was sorry.
Then Mr.. Cooley began again, and was
just showing her how the ravages of the
grasshoppers in the west last summer and
the potato bug in the east would affect
the political result next fall, by making
the people discontented, and 30 likely to
strike at the party in power, when he
suddenly dropped the subject, and, jump
ing up, said:
THUNDER and lightning what's that ?
Ouch! o Moss! feels If had a shovel
full of hot Goals inside my shirt"
Must be that rheumatism, getting
WORSE" said Mrs. Cooley, sympatheti-
cally.
"Oh, gracious, no! Its something
worse than rheumatism. Feels like fire
burning into my skin. Ouch Ow-wow.
WOW. Its awful. | can't stand it a
minute. believe it's cholera, or some.
thing, and Pm going to die"
DO try to he calm, Mr.. Cooley"
"Calm! How can man be calm
with volcano boiling under his shirt
Get out of the way, quick, while | 20 up
stairs and undress, Murder-rr-r-r, but
it hurts. Let me out, quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped of his clothes. His chest
was the color Of boiled lobster; but he
couldn't for the life of him tell what was
the matter. Then his eyes rested upon
something white on his shirt. He picked
up the garment and examined It. Ten
minutes later he came slowly down stairs
with a dry mustard plaster in his hand,
while thunder clothed his brow.
Going to Mrs. Cooley he shook the
plaster under her nose, and said in a sup
pressed voice:
odd you put that thing in my
clothes ?"
al did it for the best, john" she said.
al thought -"
ooh, never mind what you thought,
you idiot Never mind what you
thought! You've taken the skin off my
bosom, so that Pm as raw as Il sirloin
steak, and I'll probably never be well
again as long as live. That let's you
out. Yeu play any more tricks like
that on me, and ri put you in the coal
bin and keep you there till you starve to
death. Now mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went
out. Mrs. Cooley doesn't know to this
day exactly what effect the grasshoppers
are going to have on the fall election.