The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1876-04-18
Gems from a Public Document.

Gems from Public Document.
The following random extracts from a
paper in the Fourth Annual Report OF
tho Kansas State Board Of Agriculture,
written by President Anderson Of the
Agricultural College of that state prove
conclusively that pub doc" can be
made interesting. In fact, such genius
for editing comic newspaper ought nev-
er to have been wasted in efforts to "post
up' the youthful bucolic minds of that
state.
"Among the multitudes assembled al
Philadelphia in 1876, there will be
thousands Of sturdy men and greatsouled
women who, with minds still quickeuod
by the agcnizing recital Of self constituted
agents from the grasshoppered Kansas
of 1874, will bo more than startled by
the actual products Of Kansas in 1875.
In fact, the centennial display will be a
very queer commentary upon the relief
wall and, should it do nothing more,
will al least give good ground for the as
sertion, that state, which not only can
afford years princely entertainment to
myriads of famishcd locusts, but also can
take front seat in the National syna-
gogue, must have rich lands as well as
energetic citizens"
livery State has agricultural draw
backs, every business its peculiar risks,
and even petit juries arc uncertain.
There is no dead.head train, in any voca.
tion, which of itself carries the snoozng
passenger to prosperity. Kansas, at
least, is not a balmy paradise for dreamy
loafers. Tho soil won't break" itself,
though it will break the farmer who
doesn't work it. Corn wont grow where
it was not planted, in paying quantities.
The cottonwood does not usually bear a
large crop of apples. 1t is the exception
when valuable herds Of shorthorns acci.
dentally wander into Kansas corrals, to
suddenly enrich the propriotors with
$4,000 cows. Even Berkshires do not
multitudinously swim the Missouri Just
to furnish the new settler with winters
meat. These confessions are sad, but
true Railroads are ia the habit of
charging for transportation in Kansas
Merchants rarely give away" goods, out
side of advertising columns and, as q
general rule, never sell anything that
anybody wants more than ten feet below
cost" Mechanics demand and receive
good wages for their work in Kansas. If
they know themselves intimately, Kansas
farmers expect the highest market price
for crops. And even editors enforce the
cruel rule that subscribers must pay at
least two dollars year for paper worth
five. Twenty.dollar gold pieces are less
numerous in Kansas than flies and it is
easier to get hat full Of "promssory
notes." artistically executed by highly
assorted lot of individuals, than even q
fob full Of greenbacks. Those gentlemen
who, unconsciously, and yet really, ex.
pect to farm without labor to raise
herds without vigilant care to pluck
peaches from wild plum trees to live
luxuriously on the interest of what they
owe; and to be elected to the United
States Senate because of the universal
scarcity Of brains in Kansas, previous to
their advent will learn something greatly
to their advantage by going several mill
ions Of miles in any other direction. This
State won't suit them"
There is good deal Of human nature
to the square mile in Kansas. The pres
ent population of the State is within the
eastern and middle belts. 1t is only nat
ural that every man should fancy his own
county to be just little better than all
the rest of creation, on the same principle
that the inhabitants of the older States
are positive that theirs is pre- eminently
the bright particular star"
"The Great American Desert theory
is getting very thin. The boundaries Of
this geographical bugaboo have rapidly
receded before tho plow."
"ln the summer Of the year 1874, the
delightful grasshopper made his appear
ance, and the corn crop pitched away
down tc fifteen millions Of bushels Most
Of it went into tho hopper literally; as
did about every other green thing to
which that genial but rapacious idiot took
fancy. He is not an amusing animal,
The monkey is bonanza, in comparison.
After the frst few minutes, he displays
capacity for boring beyond computation
d scary people suddenly remember that
they have an appointment to meet man
at 'somewheres' which cannot possibly be
neglected"
"As there are uow 74,905 dogs in the
state, it is eminently proper that the
number of sheep should be speedily in.
creased. Less than q mutton and q half
to the dog is wholly inadequate twelve.
months supply for any healthy canine"
"There is nothing in the Constitution
or national statutes which in any way dc.
bars those from SO doing, who 10 the law.
ful pursuit of life, liberty and happiness,
elect to live in other states than Kansas
lu taot it is for the advantage of ell
parties that the population should be dis.
tributed, and the East. with its seaports,
factories and oysters, is valuable ad.
junct to Kansas Those VINO are snugly
fixed or who nave accumulated all the
wealth they desire, should remain where
they are. But 20 those differently situa.
ted, and especially to practical farmers,
who have the grit, muscle and skill to
win their own way in life,we commend the
story told by these twelve.year exhibits"