Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-07-28
II UMOR.


A gentleman once approached pretty
Quakeress, and said she looked so charm
ing he couldn't help giving her a kiss.
Friend, !" said she, sthee must not do it,
sob, by Heaven, WILL "Well, friend,
as thee has sworn, thee may do it; but
thou must not make practice of it,"
A Beverly street man, with vermillion
nose, was tormenting lady about her age
and remarked "Just look at me don't
look as if was just out of my teens?
EYES," she replied, with a look Of con-
temptuous triumph, eff you mean can
teens, you are quite correct"
A sailor was recently brought before a
magistrate for beating his wife, when the
magistrate attempted to reach his heart
by asking him if he did not know that bis
wife was the weaker vessel"
eff she is, she ought not to carry SO
much sail!'' replied Jack.
If there are two things on this broad
earth for which we feel touch of p ity, ,,
they are blind mule On sagegrass past
ure and a bald headed man at church with
out fan to brush the flies from his cranl-
UNI. We certainly pitied Badly last Sun
day.
A little boy, few days since, while
coming down stairs, was cautioned by his
loving mother not to lose his balance. His
question which followed was puzzler:
A'Mother, if should lose my balance,
where would it go to?''
During the recent tornado couple of
Pennsylvania boys were up in cherry
tree stealing cherries. The tornado car
ried off the cherry tree and neither the
boys nor the tree have been seen since.
Moral Never tell a lie.
Rural hospitality in Spain is highly spo-
ken of. A stranger can't take lodgings at
any country inn, they say, without GER
sanity of being Immediately waited upon
by any number of big bugs.
A sensible writer advises those who
would enjoy good eating to keep good-na-
tured, for, says he, ian angry man cannot
tell whether he is eating boiled cabbage or
stewed umbrellas"
person who was sent to prison foT
marrying two wives excused himself by
saving that when he had one, she fought
him. but when he got two they fought
each other.
A Camden man Agged a butcher-knife
around for two hours, offering to kill any
one who said he wasn't Noses of Biblical
fame. Every one said he looken just like
Moses.
CTS fishing with angle worms cruelty ?
was the subject Of a recent debate in a
Wisconsin lyceum. We should like to see
a yer-bait- Penn report of that discussion.
There is something wonderfully grand
and impressive about the roar Of thunder.
until YOU discover il has soured the last
half.pint of milk in the house.
1t is given on the authority of New
Orleans paper there is in that city hog
with his ears SO far back that he cannot
here himself squeal.
Boarder-''Has the red-haired girl gone
away?u Landlady-'','Ye les, Sir" Boarder;
81 thought so. found black hair In
the butter to-day"
Josh Billings says, ''Never do any work
before breakfast. If it is necessary to work
before breakfast, have your breakfast
frst.''
A New York man has christened his
daughter Glycerine. He says it well be
easv to preax Nitro, if her temper resembles
her mothers.
ssHere now, none OF your slack y as the
notato hug remarked when a Jersy farmer
came at him the other day with handful
of lime.