Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-06-22
Going Home With a Girl the First
Time.

WE were between sixteen and seventeen
years Of age when the event about to be
related transpired, and as description Of
our personal appearance at that time is
absolutely essential to the point of oul
story, we will give it as concisely as the
subject will allow. In reference, then, tc
that period, to say that we were green, in
the usual acceptatiOn of that term, would
give the reader but poor idea of the fig
ure we displayed. Rather imagine tall,
lean, cadaverous, swarthy looking chap,
with legs like pair of tongs, a counter.
ance about as expressive as a plate OF
Dutch cheese, month that came very
near making an island of all the head
above it, face covered with furze that
looked very much like the down on a
a newly-hatched gosling, with a gait that
would lead beholder to suppose that we
designed to travel down both sides of the
street at the same time, and you have a
correct daguerreotype Of Jeems in the sew
enteenth year of his age.
One dark, gloomy night in the month
OF December we CHANGED to be at a
"spelling school" not thousand miles
from Baldwinsville, where our ewes fell
on fairy form" that immediately set
our susceptible heart in blaze. She was
sixteen, or Whereabouts, with bright eyes,
red cheeks and cherry lips, while the au-
burn ringlets clustered in wealth of pro-
fusion around her beautiful head, and her
person, to our ravished imagination, was
more perfect in form and outline than the
most faultless statue ever chiseled by the
sculptor's art. AS we gazed, our feelings,
which had never before aspired girlward,
were fully aroused, and we determined to
go home with her that night or perish in
the attempt
AS soon as school was dismissed, and
our "lady love" suitably bonneted and
cloaked, we approached to offer our serv-
ices as contemplated, and we then learned
an important lesson, viz: the difference
between resolving and doing. As we
neared her we were seized with a partial
bEindness-red, green, blue and yellow
lights flashed upon our vision, and APP
peared and disappeared like witches in a
neutrality-suspicious. knees smote to-
gether like BelshaZZar's when he discOv-
cred the handwriting on the wall, while
our heart thumped with apparently as
much force as if it were driving tenpenny
nails into our ribs. We in the meantime
managed to humble over something which
is perhaps known to the Recording An
gel, but certainly is not to us, at the same
time poking out our elbow as nearly at
right angles with our body as our physical
conformation would admit.
The night air blew keenly, which served
III some sort to revive us, and as our
senses returned what were our emotions
on finding the cherished object of our first
love cl:nging to our arm with all the
tenacity drowning man is said to clutch
straw! Talk of elysium, or sliding
down creased rainbows, or feeding on
German flutes, what are sich "phelinksn
III comparison to those mighty ones that
sWelled our bosom nigh unto the bursting
OF our waistcoat buttons. Our happiness
was sublime sublimity, sublimely sub
llmated, and every person who has ever
felt the divine throbbing of fiedged love
principle fully understands the world of
bliss couched in the fourth, fifth, sixth
and seventh words at the commencement
of this sentence
Well, we passed on pleasantly toward
our Sally's home, talking of Glove and
dove, and dart and part" until so cour-
ageous had we become, that we actually
proposed :" to go in and sit awhile,' to
which our Dulcinea very graciously as
sented. Alas, for us! how soon were we
to be reminded that the "course of true
love never did run smooth"
Sally had a brother of some ten sum-
mers, who accompanied us along the
way, and who was in wonderful high
spirits at the idea Of his sisters having a
beau, and would walk around us fire.
quently, giggling in the height Of his
glee, and cycling us as closely as if ourself
and Sally were the world-renowned
SlaIdOoO WILLS, <tuu uo vas tdhIuS HIS uISt
look
Bill, by the way, was stubbed,
chuckle-headed boy, whose habiliments
would have made the fortune of any two
dealers in mop-rags.
At length we reached the bars, and
while we were letting them down, Bill
shot past us, and tore for the house as if
pursued by thousand bulls of Bashan.
He flung open the door with bang, and
exclaimed, at the height of his voice:
Mother! mother! jim Clark is com. m
hum with Sall!''
els he?" screamed the old woman, in
reply; oval, [ declared l didn't think
the saphead knew enough !''-Erchange.