National Republican., 1876-12-28


the Police Court-The Court and Barton
Officer Boyle's Swelled Head-A Bell
W(r)inger-The Result of Stealing a Bed-A
Motley Multitude of NIischief-h Makers.
His Honor wiped his eyeglasses with q sigh
yesterday morning, adjusted them carefully upon
the bridge Of his most prominent organ and
frowned eayagely as he observed Barton dancing
barn-door jig on the new oilcloth and singing
"And thar was Gineral Washington,
With crate menny folks about i'm;
Tha sed he was so tarnal crate
Tha couldn't do without i'm.
He got him on his meetin' clothes,
/ Upon o slappin' stallion;
He set ther world along in rows,
In hundreds and in millions.
Ther famin'r- 10 80
''Comc, come, Senator. rise to a point of
"State yer pint,n said old Barnacle, winking at
red-head girl with q black eve.
1T is time for us to begin. The morning hour is
thing from stuffed ballot-box to a roast turkey.
CAN all hands on deck and order the marshal
ford
here and let loose yer Jaw tackle.h The marshal
appeared, elevated himself on the poop deck, and
s piece about all who had
upon them to draw near and pay attention. Then
bouing gracefully no backed down the compan-
ionWay and business began.
POLICEMAN goYIH,s HEAD.
Blast my briney headlights, messmate, your
ngure-h head looks as II struck by squall, ,"said
the Jourt as Oficer Boyle stood up.
uYes, your Honor, it is rather demoralized, but,
ifyou remember, / am the one who was shot in
the head on last Saturday night by Joe Foss-
"Ah, ha; rememberi Where is this Joseph.n
Here, sur," said Joe, working his way up to
aoh! you are the perpetrator of this vile deedG'
"Then, Joseph, my Son, thy brethren will
mourn thy loss until thou art summoned before
the tribunal OF the grand Jurors, and thy bonds
men shall leaye in the public treasury four thou
sand pieces Of silver. But what ails Boyle3 Why
"I-l d.d.don't m. m m mind being shot, y-y-your
honor, b-b;but c-ccan't h-help crying w-w-when
LII think
"When you think of what?"
"Why, Of h-h-how LLlong 1t w-w-wirl b bible
before can w.w-wear m-my new h-h-hel-''
whats that, sir? Do YOU dare to use profane
"6h, no sir' only meant when cOnld wear
my new helmet"
aoh, yes! see. Well, your apology is accepted.
If you soak your head twenty-four hours in lime
water the swelling viii go down"
Thanks, your Honor" said Boyle, and drying
his eyes he departed and made room for the next
subject. ..F-
FEMALE BELL w(R)INGKR.
"What did you do, madam ?" said the Court
pocket and tossing them into his mouth.
snoot.''
Aren't you ashamed Of yourselS?"
Nav, sur, not edzactly."
"Ma4tba %Mhai Is {SuE EsTR Rams'"
turned on thee for thirty days" And here the
Court raised his right hand, which is his signal
for every one to laugh when he makes q joke, A
silence fell over the room,
s'Great guns and oakum swabs What is this
Can believe that there is to be mutiny 2"
screamed the Judge, turning red, as he observed
the solemn faces about him.
Then Barton arose and answered him, saying,
mo, sir; no mutiny is q gon' on aboard this ship
as Tonga am here, but yer Honor must under
that woman Key was here afore The trouble
with the crew now is that they all hez cramps"
THE MAN WHO STOLE A BED.
sand you, Bard Bowie, stand charged with
stealing bed and bed clothing from Ann John
son."
"Quite kerreet, Jsdge.'' .r....
@TsI are yS you guilty Of such terrible crime'
marrow bones on the soft side of plank for six
"spits me edIaetly. boss; it's too cold to work,
"That'll do, Bard; pass out. Anna, come hither,
lass Take up thy bed and walk
And Anna did as instructed, and walked.
A MOTLEY GANG.
Thomas Harris, Alfred Brown, Alfred Brooks,
greasy, able-bodied rascals stood up, and when
asked by the Court what they wanted, cleared
their throats and wsrbled thusly:
'We're a band o. wagrants,
Some folks calls us tramps
But bein' out o. work
Has made us wicked scamps;
And bein' cold and hungry
We'fe here to ask of you,
To send us to the work'us
Fur to get some work to do"
The Court brushed the tears from his eyes with
the back Of his hand, and instructed Barton to
telegraph to Hodgson's bastile to have private
apartments prepared for the gentlemen in ques-
tion. Business closed then, and having other
important matters on hand the reporter Of THE
REPUBLICAN left the courthouse Just rs Barton
scalpel a dog flI inYestigating q lunch basket