, 1876-11-12
HUMOR.

| IL W3S a 0-tEHI-U WIZ 4CA4A4hCA LIkb OLE
didn't want to kiss her papa because he had
" fringe on bis mouth"
stHavc not, my son, given you every advau-
| tage!" oh, yes; but couldn't think Of TAX
| ing advantage of you. father"
| At the volunteer camp: Sentinel" Who goes
thereYn Officer Of the Day" What2 Not
| know me. Your tailor. r."-itaris paper:
| There is nothing more truly insinuating and
deferental than the waggle of little dog's tail
in the presence, Of big dog with bone.
| If Mrs Brooks, the '1 Butter Woman" takes
to sculpiug in stone, SHE will be sort of 1api-
dairy, won't shc!-Phaads!phia BuAetin.
s:It's all for the best, remarked Binks, with
| a sigh, us lie paid for the hat he had lost.
"Nay," interposed the lucky man, "'tis all for
| the better"
First Chiffonier-"W Why don't you pick up
ssWhy NV should I! They arc Turkish bonds. u
'-PGis paper.
| Ole Bull ia the fine v1oinist; but his brother,
| Sitting, tan Just knock the socks off any oi
the family in the dexterous handling of blonde
! scalp.-BuTt;ngtoz Haaoke4e
An old gentleman who is getting 'sthin at the
top' says, railways pick out . bald-headed
barber to shave you, because he can't consist
emily ask you to buy any hair-restoFative."
1t is related OF DR.. Garth, in his last illness,
when he saw his felioW-doctors consulting to-
gether ut his bedside, tnat he raised his head
ircm his pillow, and said, with smile: "Dear
gentlemen, let me die q natural DEATH"
4 Georgia colored debating society was lately
discussing, (which is the best for the laboFing
man, to work for wages or part OF the crop!"
An old Is tsunclc" spoke the sense Of the meet
ing when be though 8 Bofc was de best, If dey
could only be bruug togcdder somehow"
"Frank,'' said an afEcctionatc mother the
other day, to = promising boy, "if you don't
stop smoking and reading 80 much, you will get
SO after awhile that YOU won't care anything
about work. ''Mother," replied the hopeful,
leisurely removing very long cigar, II have
got SO now"
An elderly darkey was inqutriug \of police
man If he knew anything of his son Pcte. The
policeman replied that there was Young darkey
in the lookup for breaking up praJcfzmeeting
with a1, ax-llandlc. Dat's him. exclaimed
the oyerjoyed parent: "he told me enc was gwine
to muse hisself."
On side street. Some one is hurling chairs,
pictures, casels, lay figures, tables, vases and
heavens! What unhappy painter is this whose
picture has been rejecte1s" Porter" Wait a.
moment and we'll sec He'll throw himself out
shortly. y."-Paris paper.
"Things is getting sIouchways in dis country,
declar' to grlshus ef dey ain't," said an old
negro, the other day. "Fust cum dc tztty-
pilIer, den de chicken-kollery, an now here cum
de grasshoppers; an hear talk dc udder day
dat niger WIS pisencd with nushmllllon.
Looks like hard ti1nes,-you hee1d my huzn."-
.Sacasmah Ne,os
Is there an opening here for an intellectual
writer? " said rer7 red-taced YOUTH with the
cork Of a bottle sticking out Of his breast pock-
ct. The editor with much dignity LOOK the
mans intellect in and said, " All opcniugs Yes,
sir; kind aud considerate carpenter, foreseeins
your visit, left a. q opening for you. Turn the
Hosts and Guests--Guest: 'Good by; en-
joycd ourselves SO much!" Host: $50 sorry
How the time has nown Hope we shall see
ag-'' Coachman (contdentially): "Will Oi
make lem too late for the thrain, sora I can
asy-'' His Master lin dumb show: y II
you dare, sir! Drive like the e--!"-I.nch~
Saturday night an enthusiastic Democratic
politician returned to his home at his usual
hour, 80 A. m., aud found every door In the
house Locked tight, while a transparency in one
OF the upstairs windows brightly beamed on
the night with the legend, ave must have
change'' He merely remarked that that was a
little too much usn:ruct for him, and went and
slept in the Toodshed.
Levi, to man. with secondhand coat to sell:
"Do you know how much wouldn't gif for DOT
goat3 I gif twelve shillines.' Owner: It's
worth five dollars" g Fife to}larl Shust wait
till gall my wife and dell, dot We hat lunatic
in der store. Why, mine goot frent, you must
haf been sunstrokc by der heat last summer"
And he got it for two dollars. Same man in the
evening to Levi, while examining same coat:
SHOW much for this old coat!" sold goat
why, dot goat Was made only last week, and
worn to one parIy.'' ''l'll give you two dol
lars-': "Two! Here, wife, hurry up! Put up
der plinds, lock der doors. 3hust tink Of dot
man offering me two tollars for dot goat what
you bought Of great alderman yesterday Tor
fYen'
4 MUSICAL GLUTfOa.
He waited for his oyster-stew;
And drummed upon his plata
A solo with his plated fork,
And thus did medit3te:
81 think one plate will not sunce;
think would not rue 1t
II should take another dish1
I'll do it,-yes, I'll duet"
he took his stew, be took his TWO,
And then he heaves Sigh Q,
And mur1nured in the WalteFb ear
''Another dish I'll trio"
Another, and another still;
In fact, when be had ceased,
This human oyster depot had
Aquartet At the least.