Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1876-02-25

Fhuih d9iO - bbiti
My order. are positive quietly repiicd
the clerk
Il want t0 see the owner Of this hotel,
and want TO take him to the Board OF
Trade, and The Mayors office, aud the
Water WORKS, and want him 30 find out
what kind of man | am
The proprietor isn't in
You don't know me-you don't realize
who ! am = exclaimed the stranger, tap
ping the Office counter with every pause.
L din1 care to be known, but since YOU
have insulted tie, | want TO inform you
that am the Rothchid of the West +
The clerk started off with letter TO his
girl, but had only got as far as beloved
Sarah when the starnger yelled out:
who advanced money to Chicago TO
complete her water-works ? Who owns
twenty eight steamboats, and six tugs
Who owns six elevators and hundred miles
of railroad 2
Il don't know was the reply.
And yet, when / come into This house
am insulted as if | were loafer.' con-
tinued the stranger. Why, sir, come to
the bank with me, and sec if my check for
$4,000 will be dishonored Z
I'll go = said the clerk, putting on his
hat.
You viii. ch =
Yes, sir =
'You necdn't 90. | wouldn't stop here
ii you'd give me thousand dollars day.
I'll 20 TO sUme other house, and when
spring opens I'll buy a site next TO you and
buld a hotel Of my own and run your house
out Of sight. =
Cali aa officer 2 said tie clerk to one OF
the boys.
That's O CrowniDg insult = shouted the
man. But Ill bid my time. III go over
TO the other tavern aud send over SJ0,-
090 check for you 10 look at, and no matter
how sorry you feel, SIR, I'll not accept an
apology. sir-blast me if I do,'
lie went out, and at noon WAS seen eating
crackers and cheese in the Post Office
BhtT0tT te FFeSS.
He WANTED 10 DE SOOTHED. "A man
with an ugly light in his eye entered n sa-
loon on Congress street yesterday. The
bartender slid in behind his counter and
smiled at prospective profits, but the stTang-
CT waved bis hand and said:
4 want none ofyOur vile dococtiOns. Mix
me something to sooihe my raging toughts!'
Gin and sngar 2 insinuated the saloon
is.
DO yon want raging volcano Of me ?
exclaimed the strsger. Il want something
~ soothing to my tumultuOus thougts as
the mothers lullaby song is to weary
child
Take milk punchg'
L want to be sooihed, | tell you =
whOoped the man.
Take Tom and Jerry 2
Would Tom and Jerry drive out these
wild, raging, terrible thoughts p
y think it would replied the bartender,
and he mixed one. He made it usually
good, and the man slipped it with great
satisfaction, ard exclaimed
Ain that soothes me,--that does me good
That tu.ns my raging thoughts into
dreams of ecstatic bliss =
As he wiped bis mouth on the back of
his hand the bartender said
Change, please
Yes, that has changed me- was the
reply.
, want fifteen cents, ifyou pese'
For what =
For that Tom and Jerry
Look out, sir am soothed now. and
don't get me raging again :
Rage be hanged want pay for that
drink.
Look out for the reaction : warned the
man. i am calm and peaceful now, and
hope that you won't bring back those terri
b'e fendi.h thoughts which burned in my
heart as molten inva slips down the rugged
side OF Mt. Eesuvius :
You pay for that drink !
Now I rage again ? yelled The man.
Now The soothing influence has passed
away. Nothing on earth can calm me
again
lie bit the bartender between the eyes.
tore down the stove, and would have made
"a sad wreck Of things if the police hadn't
stopped him. lie was taken to the station
and locked NJ. After about three hours
be called up:
L am sootbed-I an calm again
But they didn't let him out.
How TO BECOME a LAWYER. "A day
or two ago, when a young man entered a
Detroit lawyer, Office 10 study law, the
prac!itiouer sat down beside him and
said
NOW, see here, have no tine to fool
away, and If you don't pan out we'll
Won't keep you here thirty days. DO YOU
want 70 make a good lawyer. =
Yes, sir
Well, now listen: BE polite to old pco-
pie, because they have cash. BE good 10
the boys, because they are growing up 20
cash basis. Work in with reporters and
ret pufis. 60 to church 70: the sake Of ex-
ample. Don't fool any iime away on
poetry. and don't even look at a girl until
YOU can plead Gaze. If you can follow
these instructions you will succeed. IfyOu
cannot, 60 and learn to be doctor and kill
vour best friends. '-DetrOH Froe Press.
Young ladies have the privalege Of say
ing anything they please during leap year.
she said, eyeing him out of the corner Of
her. eyes with a sweet look. His heart
cave bound, and, while be wondered if
ste was going to asked the questin which
he had so long desired and feared to do, he
answered Yes And the young men
AUST not refuse said she. No, no J
cboesould they p sighed he. We'll,
Su~, ~, 'v-he, will yOu-' He fell on his
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