The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-04-01
VARIETY.


going up profound secret.
CORRECTED HmsELF.-A Frenchman, incensed
writer who is not particularly brilliant, spoke
of him ass, and then corrected himself
No; l am wrong. He is a mule, who has ears
equally long and produces nothing"
SORRY Y-Sheridan's son Tom, being told by
his father that he had made his will and cut him
of with shilling, said he was sorry, and i'm
mediately AIDED: SO You don't happen to have the
shilling about you now, sir, do your"
The DIFPERENCE.-A man would carry five
hundred dollars in his vest pocket, but woman
needs morocco portmonnaie as large as fist,
and too heavy to carry in the pocket, to escort
a fifty cent scrip, recipe for making jelly-cake,
and two samples for dress goods down town and
back, every pleasant afternoon.
Nor WHAT He WANTED.-A Western editor,
thinking to stock his depleted larder, advertised
'' Poultry taken in exchange for advertising. -
The yillainous compOsitOr seeing his opportunity
to pay upa long standing grudge, set it up
it Poetry taken, etc. and since that time the
Office boy has been clearing fifty cents day from
the waste paper man.
SATIsFIED.--An old lady, in the expression of
whose face sanctity and curiosity were solemnly
blended, walking out to the end of dock on the
New York side of the East River, the other day,
and after leisurely examining Brooklyn through
a spy-glass, shut up the instrument and walked
off again with the satisfied look of u woman who
only done her duty.
young lady in Lawrence, Kansas, dropped
heF handkerchief in the street, and it blew close
TO tue dangerous end of mule. The young
man WHO picked it up will not send her his photo
for few days, as he doesn't look well with his chin
nnder his ear,
PULL-BACxs-Our Dan remarked to his wife
last evening. he left home for the Office, ''Ill
be back by 10 O'Clock, If / don't meet with any
serious pulI-backs.'' " 1t won't be well for you
to meet any backs, Daniel. serious smiling,
if know of It," said his better half, in tones
(which indicated that she meant it.
WANTED To HELP HM.-The other evening
when q resident of Beech street was eating supper
his eight-year old son slid around and whispered:
3 Father, you may have my sled Why, my
son, do you want to give me your sled?' '' Ma
saws you re trying to be good, >, replied the boy,
a. and want to do all L can to help you,
Jack!'' screamed bright-eyed golden
haired, fair-faced likle girl of not more than six
wears old, to her brother, who had dumped him
self under the wall, where he was digging sand
with strip of shingle-.' jack, you goOd-for-
nothing little scamp, you are the torment OF my
life Come right into the house this minute, or
I'll take the very hide oATn you. Come in,
sayI" " Why, TOtty," exclaimed her father,
who chanced to come up at that moment, I" what
in the world are you saying? Is that the way
YOU speak to your little brother" "O Oh, no,
papa answered the child promptly, and with
an innocent smile. '' We were playing keep house,
and am Jacks mamma, and was talking to
l never really spank him as mamma docs me
sometimes.
HE got home about quarter to three A. NJ,
tried to open the door knob with the butt end of
a cigar, fell up stairs IN a complicated manner,
iammed his hat against the bedroom door, and
sitting down helpessly on the hoor said IN m voice
husky with emotion: ''W hash mar'r?' so, Eber, y
said his wife solemnly, ''you have been there
again. Where have you been?'' ssBeen er Moody
er. prizzipal McCosh billiards--Ole Hundred er
no count, an all er collecshun money.
Church burst. King turned nine times runnin' !.
seasons er refreshin' Z" Ah, Eber'' replied the
1atient wife, 'syou not deceive me. The
eyanoeIists whom you mention at present
wrestling in Philadelphia" " 90 Thash so!
Tbash SOL said the husband. 81 will not de-
.er children Coin to make 900. Been look
in for Bosh Tweed Then he fell into sw eet
sIeep.--Chioogo Tribune
A WDoyER's SoLACE.-Those who attended
the sale of animals from Barnums HIppodrome
in Bridgeport, the other day, report the follow
ing occurrence: tiger was being offered. Inc
bids ran up TO 81, 500. This was made by man
who was a stranger, and to him 1t was knocked
down. Barnum, who had been eyeing the
stranger uneasily during the bidding, now went
up to him and said m
ss Pardon for asking the question, but will
YOU tell me where you are from?''
Down South bit, - responded the man.
Are you connected with any show p
mo-
8. Are you buying this animal for yourself?''
50 Yes. ="
Barnum shifted about uneasily for moment,
looked alternately at the man and the tiger, and
evidently try his best to reconcile the two to-
gether. Co.
need not take this animal unless you want to,
for there are those who will take 1t OF your
hands. -
.s don't want to SELL the quiet reply
What on earth are you going to do with
such an ugly beast, if you have no show of your
own and are not buying for some one who IS a
showman?"
nWeIl, I'll tell you,' said the purchaser
Z. Nv wife died about three weeks ago. We hac
lived together for ten years and-and miss her ;
He paused to wipe his eyes and steady his voice
and then added, s. So I've bought this tiger,
81 understand you" said the great Snowman
in husky voice.