Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-09-27
Wit and HumOr.

HERE, now, none Of your slack" a
the potato bug remarked when q Jerse
farm er came at him the other dav witt
, a handful of lime.
1T is dera oralizing fact that mos
men would rather stay on earth, eve,
In the character Of q tramp, than bt
angels in heaven.
AT q sham battle in Rome, N. Y,
the other day, the veterans fred off
o,OOO cartridges and 1900 glasses of
lager. One Indian shot off a ramrod
besides.
A LITTLE fve-year old of Dorchester
sem ewhat surprised his mother, q few
days since, with the remark: GOOD is
everywhere; he is all over me. and
when you spank me you spank Cod"
THE intelligent compositor who an
nounced that Capt johnson had crossed
the ocean in little Centennial "dorp"
Will please step up and get bis account
settled at once.
A WESTERN girl visited O. music store
and asked for "The Heart Boiled
Down with Grease and Care" and
when | Swallowed Home made Pies"
1he clerk at once recognized what she
desired.
a SCOTTISH schoolboy chasing but
te,rtiy round field, shouted to boy
VINO opened the gate, "Hey, laddie,
sh ut the gate, an no let the butterhee
DOT |"
BUT that journeyman is deaf" ex-
postolated man at the opening of a
case IN the Criminal court. ooh, that's
all right whispered baliff in reply
=" the Sheriff's told him on piece Of
paper what kind of a verdict is wanted"
GLOW is Mr.. Vanderbilt this morn
ing ?" asked New York reporter of a
little girl on the great money kings
door step. "He amt any weller and
he amt any worser," was the reply of
the youthful heiress; che stays jes'
where he am"
"BY JovE," said a Yankee, dashing
into the railroad telegraph station,
'the express train has gone off the big
bridge" "Many killed ?" screamed the
by-standers. "Not one," he replied.
:" She just went on at one end and went
off the other-just as usual"
MoLIERE was asked the reason why
in certain countries, the king may s.
sumo the crown at fourteen years of
age, and cannot marry before eighteen.
y" 1t is, answered Mohere, "because it
is more difficult to rule a wife than g.
kingdom"
YES" he observed, musingly, Eyes,
business is looking up, that's fact.
A fellow came in and paid me quar-
ter he owed me, and the chances are
good for my selling my dog. Oh, yes,
things are frightening up visibly," and
he went over and got trusted for three
twenty-five cent cigars.
A CLOsE-FIsTED man invited a friend
to dinner, and provided only two NUT
ton-chops. Upon removing the cover
he said, My friend, we have Lenten
entertainme nt; you see your dinner be-
fore YOU" Taking the two chops upon
his own plate, his friend replied, eyes,
but where is your dinner?'
The law Of order is thing that is
usually looked upon with indifference,
but its broad influence is never noticed
by a man until after he has washed on
Sunday morning, when, discovering
that there is no towel in the room, he
resorts to the subtle dodge Of drying
his neck and ears with pair of socks.
The editor of Mississippi paper
wrote: "Our fair last week exhibited,
among other things, a collection of in
sects," but the interesting typo substi-
tuted chair" for " fair," and the editor
has since dyed, to change the color of
his hair, which was cross between a
dark brown and the color of Kentucky
bagging,
REMARKS the New Orleans Bulletin:
"Just as everything has been brought
into the house, the windows fastened
tight, the children all put in the feather
bed for fear Of lightning, and every
body settled down to enjoy a refresh
ing shower, the chances are that the
sun will come out in a few minutes.
Nature can play her humorous pranks
as well as an Individual"
A sAGAcIoUs individual having recent
ly posted in a conspicuous position
near Leonard's Pond, Randolph, the
notice, Ono one allowed here naked
to BATH" was astonished to hear that
=" three or fouT boys are stripped and
swimming in the pond" He fastened
to the spot and accosted the transgres-
sors: "Can you read?" eyes, sir,
but we've got our stockings on