Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-06-14
"A Little Fun New and Then.

1 =
A truism; An expensive wife
makes o pcnsive husband. &
A buzz saw item, Henry Stonaker
of Palestine, Texas. In life he was
lovely and in death he was divided.
The entire assets of recent bank
rupt were nine children. The cred
itors acted magnanimously and let
him keep them.
/ The Mammoth Cave of kentucky is
offered for aale, together with the ho-
tells and other property. Caves don't
seem to pay well in this country.
Motto "a Portland temperance
reform c1j eve bend the knee, not
the elbow This is supposed to refer
to a dcxte Fous habit Of Drinking out
ola bung a aas .s-..
"Why isitmy dear STRIP said Waf-
fies' landla4y to- him the other day,
"that you newspaper men get rich q
II do not know" was the reply, Sex
lcept it is that dollars and sense do not
ALWAYS travel together"
/ IT guess dad wishes we'd all die
and go to heaven" said a miser's son
to his maternal parent. "Why SO n
Ishe asked, upon, recovering from her
Iastonishment. ooh, cause heavens
such cheap place to live in"
ALI exchange says: "New York la
i dies wear nothing but the gypsy hats"
And unless the brim of the hat is at
least four feet deep, and turns down
all around, we should think modest
man would want to leave that city
Novisto,Cn Herald.
Jones county, Nc. wants Congress
4 to pay for its Court House, destroyed
| by Federal troops in 1863 AS soon
as. we pay Virginia for damages to
Richmond during the siege, we shall
be ready, to attend to Jones county,
Cincinnati Times.
Miss Laura Spence, of Georgia, is
six feet two and a half inches high,
and when her young man sings :
! ''Thou art SO near and yet SO far" he
can throw more feeling into the song
than any other man in the State.
The Chattanooga CTenn.,) Times
says the rust has ruined, or at least
badly damaged, the wheat crop from
Chattanooga clear up the valley to
Emory river, and from every direc-
tion in the South comes the same
complaint.
Mrs Dipper No Jonesy, who is
deeply in arrears for board: "Mr.
Jonesy won't You step into the parlor
for a moment? wish to speak with
yon.' Jonesy: Really, Mrs. Dip
per, should like to accommodate
You but what will the boardcrs say
at seeing us alone? Think of the
scandals going through the papers
madame. Oh no /; excuse me.
One Ohio editor says of contem-
porary who had assumed the part of
a mummy at dramatic performance !;
"He was obliged to puta little anima-
ton into himself to come up with the
character, and to wear more recent
linen but that was about all. Nature
had admirably qualified him to act
the part"
I An ingenious Frenchman on Long
Island claims to have discovered Il
sure means of destroying the potato
bug. Mix one one gallon of prussic
acid with three ounces of rend rock,
stir well, and administer tablespoons
full every hour and half till the bug
shows signs of weakening. Then
stamp OH him.
The Centennial has attracted such
numbers of 'shelp'' from all sections
of the country-who We're either in
search of employment or who want
cd a good chance to see the show
that the employmentagencies at Phil
adelphia are over-ridden with appli-
cants, and the authorities are grow
ing uneasy at the number of lInem-
ployed accumulating in that city.
He was very young man. A few
stray hairs upon his lip attested the
fact that he was engaged in deadly
struggle with a mustache. He went
into variety store on Main street.
and said to the proprietor :"iIave you
Charles Reades lost heir?" "No,
haven't" replied the storekceper.
But" he continued looking into the
Young mans face, ''I've got some
thing that will make that mustache
of yours start out like boils in Spring
time"
A woe-stricken Mexican marched
into a pawnbroker's shop at Silver
City, New Mexico, and while mourn
fully detailing how he had been roE-
bed of every blessed cent by highway
men, took from the counter the hat of
the proprietor and twirled il ON his
fist. Concluding his recital he asked
a loan of six bits on the hat, which
was duly ticketed and slowed away.
1t was not until closing up time that
the broker discovered the trick Of the
man who had fallen among thieves.
The time was when all Wall street
sneezed if Uncle Daniel Drew took
snuff. If he had chill, stock shiver-
ed and their holders shook. His beck
and nod and wink were all as good as
gospel to one set of operators, and at
the very least treated with certain
show of healthy fear by the rest.
The brethren of his own religious
denomination, particularly those liv-
ing in the country, looked upon him
as a prodigy of wisdom and worth,
and so to speak, hung upon his words
in the matter of investing their little
boards. But all these things are not
so now. @6
There is some science, a little mys-
terry and good deal of uncertainty
about the game. of eroquet. The 9TH
er day when Detroit clergyman
made an evening call upon one of his
congregation and was invited to play
game, he was only too glad, remark
ing that such social games served
sometimes TO place pastor and par
ishioner on more friendly footing.
Before the first game was out a
young lady hit him in the back with
her mallet; he fell over am arch, and
two of the players decided never to
darken his church again on account
his cheating. In the midst of croquet
you can't tell where you are.--De-
h'ot Free Press.
Say what we will, the rich and the
poor have to struggle on together
| through the world. and the sooner