New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-10-14
The Champion of all tho Wives.


He was tall and slender, and clad in the
habiliments of woe. He entered the office
and took q chair. Removing his hat, he
wiped the moisture from his eyes, rubbed
his nose thougbtfully for q moment, put his
handkerchief IN his hat upon the floor, and
said:
'.You didn't know Mrs. Smith,"
IL hadn't that pleasure. VINO is she?"
''She was my wife. She'd been sick some
took worse, and she KEEP on sinking until
evening, when she gave q kinder sudden
jump couple of times. and then her spirit
flickered. Dead, you know. Passed away
into another world"
"I'm very sorry"
$50 am l. And called around to see if
couldn't get some of your literary people
to saw out some kind of poem, describing
her peculiarities, 90 that l can advertise her
in the paper"
II dunno; maybe We might"
"Oh yOu didn't know her, You say! Well,
she was q sing'Iar kinder woman. Had
strong characteristics. Her nose was the
crOokadest in the State. all bent around
sideways. Old Captain Binder used to say
that it looked like the jib-sail of an oyster
eloop ON the windward tack. Only his fun,
You know. But Helen never minded it.
She said herself that it aimed 90 much
around the corner that whenever she
sneezed she blew down her back hair. There
were rich depths of humOr in that woman.
For don't mind if you work into the poem
| so picturesque allusiOn to the condition Of
her nose, 80 her friends will recognize her.
And you might also spend a verse or two
| on her lame eye"
what was the matter with her eye9"
"Gope, sir; gone. Knocked out with a
chip while she was splitting kin'ling wood
| when she was . child. She fired it up
| somehow with glass one, and gave her the
| oldest expression you ever saw. The false
| one would stand perfectly still while the
| other was rolling around, 90 that bout half
| the time you cOuldn's tell whether she was
studying astronomy or whether she was
che lay there at night with the indisposed
| eye wide open, glaring at me, while the
| other was tight shut, eo that sometimes I'd
| get the horrors aud kick her and shake her
to make her get up and fix it. Once l got
| some mucilage and glued the lid down my
self, but she didn't like it when che woke in
the morning Had to coax her eye in warm
water. you know, to get it open."
| Now, reckon you could run in come
language about her eccentricities of vision,
couldn't you9 Don't care what it is, 80 that
| have the main facts"
| "Was she peculiar in other respects9'
"Well, yes. One leg was gone; run over
by q wagon when she was little. But she
wore q patent leg that did her pretty we'll.
Bothered her sometimes, but most gener-
ally gave her good deal Of comfort. She
know, she could take it off at night and
stand it on the hat rack in the entry, and
go to bed with only one cold foot. She was
very grateful for her privileges. Although
sometimes it worried her, too. The
springs d work wrong now and then;
and maybe in church her leg d
give . sourt and begin to kick and hammer
away at the board in front of the pew,
| until it sounded like q boiler factory. Then
I'd carry her out, and most likely it d kick
at me all the way down the aisle, and end
up by dancing her around the vestibule,
and the sexton would rebuke her TOR waltz
ing in church. Seems to me there's mate.
rial for poetry in that, isn't there! She was
self willed woman. Often when she
wanted to 20 to q sewing bee, or to CAD
about somewhere, maybe I'd stuff that leg
pile, and then wouldn't tell her where it
was. Do YOU know what she'd do!"
| "What3"
| why. she'd laeh an umbrella to her
stump and drift on down the street g if that
| umbrella was born there! You couldn't get
ahead Of her! She was ingenious! I've
known her, when the baby was playing with
the potato masher, to un buckle that leg and
use it for mashing-take it by the knee and
work the joint back yard and forward splen-
didly.
80 thought I'd mention few facts to
| you, and you can just throw 'em together
and make them rhy me, and I'll call round
| and pay you for them. What day Tues.
day? Very well; Pil run in on Tuesday
and zee how you've fixed her up"
Then Mr.. Smith smoothed up his hat with
his handkerchief, wiped the accumulated
sorrow from his eyes, placed his hat upon
his head, and sailed serenely out and down
tue stairs toward bis des0lated hearth
Philadelphia Bullctin.