The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-09-30
S'posin'.
RY MAX ADELER.


some law papers. the door opened and
a man hobbled in upon crutches. Pro
ceeding to a chair and making n cushion
of some newspapers, he sat down very
gingerly. placed a bandagcd leg upon
another chair. and said
Judge my name is Briggs. AMI
called in. Judge. to get Your opinion
about little point of law. Mr.. Judge.
sposin you lived up the pike here Il
half Il mile. next door to Il man named
Johnson. And s'posin' you and John
son was to get into an argument about
the human intellect. and You was to say
to Johnson that Il splendid illustration
of the superiority of the human intel
lect was to be found in the power If the
/ human eve to restrain the ferocitv OF Il
wild animal And s'posin that John
son was to remark that all that was
bosh. because nobody coUV hold Il wild
animal with the human eye: and you
should declare that you could hold the
savagest beast that was ever born if YOU
could once fix your gaze on him.
well. then. s'posin. Johnson was to
say he'd bet hundred dollars he could
bring tame animal that you couldn't
/ hold with your eye. and you was to
take him mp on it. and Johnson was to
ask you to come down to his place and
settle the bet. You'd go, we'll say, and
Johnson Il wander round to the back
of the house and pretty soon come front
again with dog bigger n any four de-
cent dogs ought to be. And then s'po-
sin Johnson d let go of that dog an
sick him on you. and he'd come at You
like a sixteen-inch shell out of a how
itzer, and you'd get skeery about it and
try to hold the dog with your eye and
couldn't. And s'posin' you'd suddenly
conclude that maybe your kind of an
eye wasn't calculated to hold that kind
of dog, and you'd conclude to break
for plum tree, in order to have Il
chance to collect your thoughts, and to
try to reflect what sort of an eve would
be best calculated to mollify that sort
of dog. You ketch my idea. of
course?
Very we'll, then: s'posin you'd take
your eye off of that dog; Johnson. mind
you all the time sicking him on and
lau., hing, and you'd turn and leg it for
the tree, and begin to swarm up as fast
as You could. Well, sir, sposin', Just
as you got three feet from the ground,
Johnson's dog was to grab you by the
leg and hold on like a wise, shaking you
until you nearly lost your hold And
s'pOsin Johnson was to stand there and
holler, Fix your eye on him. Briggs
Why don't you manifest the power of
the human intellect? 2 and so on-gass-
ing away with ironical remarks like
those; and s'posin' he kept that dog on
that leg until he made you swear to pay
the bet, and then. at last, had to pry the
dog Oft with a hot poker, bringing away
at the same time half a pound of your
meat in the dogs mouth, so that you
had to be carried home on stretcher,
and to hire four doctors to keep you
from dying with lockjaw
"S'posin' this. what / want to know
is, couldn't you sue Johnson for dam
ages, and make him pay heavily for
what that dog did? That's what want
to get at.
The Judge thought for a minute, and
then said
Well. Mr.. Briggs, don't think
could. If ! agreed to let Johnson set
the dog at me, | should be party to
the transaction, and l could not re-
cover"
Do You mean to say that the law
won't make that internal scoundrel,
johnson, suffer for letting his dog eat
me up?'
81 think not, if You state the case
properly"
1T won't hey?' exclaimed Mr.
Briggs, Historically. "Oh. very well !!
very we'll . It's beautiful govern
mcnt, this is q! Beautiful, amt it? I
s'pose if that dog had chewed me all
up, and spit me out, it Il have been all
the same to this constitutional republic
But blame me if don't have satisfac-
ton. I'll kill johnson, poison his dog,
and emigrate to some country where the
rights of citizens are protected. If
don't, you may bust me open -
Then Mr.. Briggs got on his crutches
and hobbled out. He is still citizen.
and will vote at the next election.
The HUSBANDS EXPERIENCE. -"
give and bequeath unto Mary, my wife,
the sum O. one hunder' pounds q year"
said an old farmer. els that written
down, master?'' YES" replied the
lawyer, "but she is not so old; she may
marry again. Won't you make change
in that case? Most people do" Aye,
do they?" said the farmer. Well,
write again: give and bequeath unto
her the sum of two hunder' pounds a
year. Thatll do. won't it, master ?"
"Why, it's just double the sum she
would have if she remained unmarried"
said the lawyer; it's generally the