Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-10-27
WHOLE NO. 3O7.
FACT AND FANCY.

The king Of FIJI is sick. Overloaded his
stomach with missionary.
at is proper to call retired blacksmith
an expounder ?" asks an exchange.
People who make much noise with their
feet seldom make much with their heads
A henpecked husband declared that tho
longer he lived with his wife the more he
was smitten with her.
Why is pig the most provideut Of ami
mals2 Because he always carries spare
rib or two about him.
An Irishman once ordered a painter to
draw his picture, and to represent him stand
ing behind tree.
Why is the elephant the most sagacious
Of travellers Because he never takes his
eyes off his trunk
"a prudent man" says a witty French
man, "is like pin; his head prevents him
from going too far"
John Habberton, who wrote "Helon's
Babies, has new volume in press. Thir-
ty-six thousand "Babies have been sold.
A Washington ID. C.) clergyman has been
sued for slander by lady member of his
NuNiOu' DomoEOo "ohSui pcVOO'
The N. Y. Herald man says that Barnum's
so-called tatooed man is really the relic of IL
summer night fight with the Englewood mos
qutoes.
A thirty-year-old horse has Just died at
EbensbHrg, that never lost days work
from sickness from the time he was old enough
to wear harness.
G,RriohIH 1, nf v;s Io;u
~" said printer his sweetheart. She
made a-at him and planted her xsr-
between his 2 lis which made him g '''".
at has been just like this these last three
years. 1t is useless for me to 90 out hunt
ing not bird will show itself. My re-
nown precedes me everywhere"
A reverend divine, who was but a $3.50
preacher, being called upon accidentally for
a sermon, asked a friend what he should
preach about to which the other coolly re.
piled. about five minutes"
Too Fastidious-Passenger on Train |
say, young man, that pipe Of yours is rather
foul. Second Passenger: Indeed, sir. Well,
it's very odd no one else made any complaint
before, and I've smoked it for the last three
years.
A bald man made merry at the expense
Of another who covered his partial badness
with wig, adding, as a clincher: "You sec
how bald am, and l don't wear a wig"
True" was the reply, "but an empty barn
requires no thatch."
y. boasts that he is mighty hunter before
the Lord, but no one has ever seen him kill
anything. Invited to make one of hunt
ing party, he accepts after long pressing, and
at night returns, Of course, with an empty
bag. Pressed to explain he replies
According to medical witness in a re-
cent lawcase, malaria "affects the cerebrum
aud cerebellum the corpuscles and sporadic
fungi evaporate moisture, and heat will by
capillary attraction superinduce an inhama-
tion Of the tissular formation, followed by
remission and relapse. that's all.
. Says the Graphic Dynamite closely re-
' sembles brown sugar, for which it is doubt
e less sometimes sold. Jabbing a spoon into
9 it hard will explode it. In the form of nj
e tro. glycerine it looks like poor butter. The
only safe way is for boarding-house keepers
g to buy the best of everything.
"Gimmic something to cure boil" ex-
> claimed citizen as he dashed into drug
store. "Ah, so you've got one of the things,
: now, have you ?" smiled the clerk. "Yes,
: sir, and it's just in the right place" "Just
y in the right place.? repeated the clerk why,
: where is that ?""On my hired man." came
. the sweet reply, and the clerk saw the point.
= 1t is apt to shake mans confidence in
y his wife to awake in the early morning aud
y n find her sitting on the edge Of the bed going
q through his pockets. And it is apt to shake
a woman's confidence in her husband to find
II nothing 10 those pockets but a lager beer
"a check, piece of bologna sausage, variety
10 show ticket, and perfumed note signed
~ "Ever yours, Julia"
bs 81 understand you make very good ci
* der2" "Yaw," said the Dutchman "Hans
IN my pey, 60 pring mugful." Hans soon re
turned with mug brimming full and hand
ed it to the Dutchman, who drained it to the
~ bottom at one draught; then turning to hi,
10 astouished visitor, said, "Dere, now, if yol
% dosh not think dat ish goot cider, yoos
II schmcll Of te mug"
ID Not one person in dozen can tell tn,
t. names of those whose busts are to be fouuC
d. on postage stamps. The bust on the onC
tn cent stamp represents Franklin; twos, Jack
IS. son; threes, Washington; fves, Taylor
It, skies, Lincoln; sevens, Stanton tens, JEFF
n. ferson twelves, Clay; 6fteens, Webster
NO twenty-iours, Scott thirties, Hamilton
as nineties, Perry. The seven, twelve an,
It, twenty-tour cent stamps are not now issued
of but many Of them are in circulation.
I'M Old Mr.. Thorp went into the parlor tn
" other night at the wtching hour of a quar-
re ter to II O'clock and found the room un
d lighted and his daughter and very dea
he friend, one of the dual form of garmentur
ra variety, occupying the tete-a.tete in the COZ
ne ner. "Evangeline," the old man said, "thi
IN is scandalous." "Yes, papa" she answered
M sweetly, "it is candleless, because times al
so hard and lights cost SO much that Ferd
nand and said we would try and get alon
Jr; with just the starlight" And the old gel
o' tleman turned about in speechless amaz
uo lnent and tried to walk out of the roo
lS' through panel in the wall paper.
is ia A traveller appeared at railway static
Of in Sacramento ten days ago with large po
90 cupine Gagged in spacious box, with piet
On rO Of board placed across the top at wide inte
i,s walls. He deposited the box on the foo
nd and stepped up to the ticket office. Durir
mn. his absense, a young man, seeing what
90 supposed was fruit box sat down on
10, 10 with sigh of relief and closed his eye
~. ~, The traveller returned and quietly punchC
SSy the fretful animal with his cane. The youl
y" 20, man opened his eyes and shot out of h
ayi t:m seat, mutteriRg something about redhot pir
orn A little boys father gave him two cen
is one to spend for candy, the other to gi,
osi. to the heather, He presently lost one
the cents, but consoled himself with II
thought that the one which wos lost was d