Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-12-08
m!he Ntnhitatnr4
S@EN lyGEN
FRIDAY MORNING, DEC. s. 1916.
Local.
HIGH PRESSURE INTERVIEWS.

WHAT PROMINENT CITIZENS SAY, OR
OUGHT TO sAY-HOW BUSINESS AND
PROFESSIONAL MEN O o. AT IT-COUN-
CILMEN AND I OFFICERS INTER-
VIEWED,
&C, &C., &c.
Mr.. Coiner came down into the VINDI>
GATOR Office yesterday morning, and ask.
ed US the news. We told him there was
none. Well, when did we expect any? 1t
was impossible TO tell. What did Mr..
| Tilden Think. What did MI. Stuart think?
What did we thiuk? Did Mr.. Yost think
he would have to- give up the post,office?
If lie gave ii up, who would get 1t? Was
| Grant acting constitutlonally, and who
| would be collector in this district. Here
we called up a reporter, and said:
"You just take a quire OF paper and some
pencils, and 60 and find out what this
| gentleman wants to know. See 'em all,
| and if you don't see 'em, fix it up. A re-
porter that don't know what a man ought
| to say amt fit for the crisis. No subscri-
Der to this paper shall want to know any
| hing long, if we can help it,"
He came back in an hour, with the fol-
| lowing full and clear exposition of public
opinion:
MR.. STUART.
MI. Stuart, our reporterfound just damp
| ening a stamp for a letter to Mr.. Corcoran,
of Washington. The report ter remarked:
t"Mr. Stuart, the country people are very
anxious to know what you think about
affairs at Washington?"
s'Think, sir,'' said Mr.. Stuart, affixing
the stamp by mistake to a AN act entitled
an act to re enact an act.' think think
it was one of the noblest of acts. Next to
Mr.. Peabody, Mr.. Corcoran, by his bene-
faction to the University of Virginia,
stands"
Eyes, but Mr.. Stuart, the political situa-
ton how about that2"
"Ah-h-h! !" said Mr.. S., slowly peeling off
the stamp, that is another question. When
1 was in Mr.. Fillmore's cabinet, the mere
introduction of a proposition to use troops
in a state would have produced an ex-
p!osion which a barrel of nitro-glycerine
would have envied. They didn't do things
do things in that way in those days, sir"
And here MI. Stuart relapsed into hum
ming a staYe of "Auld lang syne," from
which the reporter found it impossible to
arouse him.
THE POSTMASTER.
The reporter next visited the post-of1ice,
as the head quarters of the enemy, and
found Maj. Yost adding up his monthly
report for the Washington department.
'sTake q seat" said the Major, still | add
MP this column, and see how this thing
stands" When he had finished, our re-
porter informed him of his business.
"Sir,' said the Major, wheeling his chair
round, ''while it is not my practice to give
information TO a licentiouS and depr aved
Democratic press, 1 may say this much to
you, that Ulysses Grant to-day stands head
and shoulders above George Washinton.
For craftsmanship and a genuine love and
regard for the liberties of the people; for
wise guidance of the ship Of state; for
purity of intentions aud utter unselfishness,
and for keen knowledge of men, he Can
walk around any man that has lived in the
present century,"
major, do you think the present crisis
will pass p~eacefully?'
"It is impossible to say, sir. I hear that
the rebels of Beverley Manor are mastering
troops to capture the post-ofice, but 1 am
ready for them. Gen. Heber Ker will hold
the approaches to the city, and Col. Nc
Cue will manage the rebels residing with
in the corporate limits. L"
A voice-"Please, sir, pa wants eight
letter stamps and one cent paper stamp,
for a quarter"
The Major-"You see, sir, how hard it
is, with these COMPOUNDED calls, for q pa
triot to concentrate his thoughts on our
grand and glorious country, or to watch
The Vaccinations of the plotting rebels of
Beverly Manor. If you will call at my
residence, when l have more time, 1 shall
be glad to tell you more"
Our reporter left the Major humming
Hold the fort" in a very uncertain voice
MEMBER OF THE COUNCIL.
SIN a minute" said Mr.. Evans, who
is a Sunday school superintendent, as he
saw our reporter coming in-'sin just one
minute. l am just practising one Of those
sweet little hymns that we open with Sab
bath mornings" and here Brother Evans
sung a bar of 'Oh, there is rest" Our
reporter rose to say he would cali again.
Don't CO." said Brother Evans, looking
hurt, perhaps you don t think Using we'll.
| sing it a good deal better with Brother
BagEy. You know Ben? All he has got
a voice."
The reportersuggested that he had heard
Brother B., at the Y. NJ. C.. A, Sunday
afternoon, with great spiritual profit, but
he had called on this particular occasion
to find out what a member of the council
thought Of the present state Of affairs.
"W-e-l-l," said MI. Evans, slowly, sits
hard to say. You see Allen says that
thingumabob, at the water-works, amt
done up to Hoyle, and the contractors say
it is. Allen says he won't receive the
work, or something of that sort, and it's
all IN d middle. Did you ever have any
water works on your back" said Brother
E., looking anxiously at the reporter.
Never, unless you might call a shower
bath 10y this name"
''Then, don't. Uneasy lies the head
that wears a water works. Let me see
just two years ago on the 10th Of"
But, Mr.. Evans, the political situa-
tion,"
":What car politics haye to interest a
pan with 2 three million gallon reservoir
On his back"
AS our reporter left, Brother g. return
ed to his practice and for two squares
down the street he could hear, "Oh, there
is rest. y Y,arhled upOn the evening air.