Lexington weekly intelligencer., 1876-07-01
Weskly gntelli9enfer'
FAOETIE.

the engineer.
A truism-An expensive wife makes
a pensive husband.
The good Samaritan stopped at the
sound Of woe; as does good horse.
Marriage is described by French
cynic as a tiresome book with a very
fine preface.
Crusiy says that the list of marriages
in the newspapers ought to be put under
the head of King Frauds"
The entire assets of a recent bankrupt
were nine children. The creditors acted
magnanimously, and let him keep theln'
Mrs. Ira Mead. of Greenwich. who is
one hundred and six years old, says:
"Few people die after they get to be
hundred"
A vinegar-hearted old bachelor
says he always looked under the
head of "marriages" for the news OF
the weak.
A dog in London has whistle grow
ing at the end of his tail. He whistles
"Old Dog Tray and t'Put me On MY
Little Mat" -
The wool crop of Darke county won
materially increase until there are more
dogs going around on three legs with a
broken back.
Many a man who has not cent in
his pocket owns corn which he Wouid
not allow you to step on for the world.
-Danbury News. ...t Sc
What is the difference between one
who walks and one who looks up nlgnt
of stairs?-One steps up stairs and the
other stares up steps.
A fair one says she knows what
she's talking about, and that 1T just
= doubles the value of kiss to nave 10
burrow for it under big moustache'
Chinamen make excellent hus-
bands for American women OF lit
erary turn. They do all the work
and let ssMeiican wifee all day read
novelee." - ~
A woman in western city recently
fell out of q second-story window and
struck on her head. She said she dldn I
know when anything had made her Sc
mad before. 80
"a colored brothers opinion;
"De woman ought to work; OATS SO
fur eff it hadn't ben for Eve we
wouldn't none of US ha' ben 'bleegea
to work tall"
The young lady who vowed she'd
never marry a man under hve 1eet ten
in stature. has not as yet been led to the
alter of fHy-men.-New York CONNER
cial Advertiser,
This is the ladies' leap year conun'
drnm: When will the alphabet con.
tain only twenty five letters and
after thew have given it up the blush
ing reply is, when U ana are one
An editor well known in the VI
cinity of Irvington, N. Y, a very
Religious sort of chap, awoke III
church last Sunday morning, ano
yelled out: "D-it, more copy Z"
An Illinois minister announced in
his Sunday night bulletin: "The fun
eral of Judas Iscariot." To which all
oblioing fellow added, sFrlends OF
the deceased are cordially invited"
Which one told the biggest lie
"My landlady," remarked man,
"makes tea SO strong that 1t breaks
the cups" "And mine," SAID all
other, s:makes hers 80 weak 1t cant
run out of the pot"
Miss Laura Spence, of Georgia, is SIX
feet two and half inches high' and
when her Young man sings: "1hou art
40 near and vet so far" he can throw
more feeling into the song than any
other man in the state.
In Philadelphia they have handker'
chiefs with the Declaration of Indepen-
dence printed on them in French, Ter
man and English, SO that one Can now
blow his nose in three languages in the
Quaker City.-Brooklyn Eagle.
An Irish agricultural journal adj
vertises a new washing machine un
der the heading every man his owl
washer-woman," and in its culinary
department says that potatoes should
always be boiled in cold water
"I specs, my beluvved hearers" sait
a colored parson, 81 specs to-day to taxi
broad field in my 'scourse. 1t take
we a good vile to git away from d'
dock, but when once strikes de deel
water, den look out fur de big fish.
Who shtands der street und corners round,
Nit sefrel ages to be ground,
Ind shlailed, und bow, und never frowned?
Der candidate.
Who hold your hand ven you would shtart,
Und told you you vas mighty shmart;
Der candidate.
An exchange says: ssNew York ladie
wear nothing but the gypsy hats.
And unless the brim of the hat is at leas
four. feet deep, and turns down all roun'
we should think modest man woul'
want to leave that city.--Norristowl
Herald.
A yentriloquist fell overheard ant
was drowned in Lake Erie the othe
day. When the cry of 'help, help,
came from under the guards, til
deck hands said he "couldn't foo
them," and went right along wit
their work. s-
Motto of a Portland temperance re
form club: "We bend the knee but nc
the elbow" This is supposed to refe
to dexterous habit of drinking out q
a bung.-Cin. Com. Is this '.dexter
GUS remark intended for left-hande
compliment.
The Southern negroes are mys
titled over the recent visits O
cyclones and hurricanes, and All age
Savannah darky remarks: ''If des
yer winds can't be toned down
little, what's de use of buying mule
and formulating family?"
A New Jersey. street car man wrot
to his sweetheart: 81 don't care muc
what I do, you seem to feel stuck u
above hoss-car driver; if my hands
large my heart is to. want yer to uu
derstand that it is easy ter cry tears
but at the same time yer heart may b
tuffern beli-strap."
One Ohio editor says of a contempt
rary who had assumed the part of
mummy in a dramatic performance
HE was obliged to put little anima
ton into himself to come up with tn
character, and to wear more recent linen
but that was about all. Nature had ad
mirably qualified him to act the part"
ssAre you going to make flower be
here, Judkins ?" asked a young lady {
the gardener. eyes, miss, them's th
ORDERS" answered the gardener "Why
it will quite spoil our croquet ground.
Cant help it, miss; them's your pa
orders. He says he'll have it laid ou
for horticulture, not for husbandryI'
An old Baptist minister enforced tn
necessity of differences of opinion b
argument: .Now, if everybody ha
been of my opinion they would ali hav
wanted my old woman" One OF til
deacons, who sat just behind him, n
sponded: eyes; and if everybody wa
OF my opinion, nobody would have her.
The growing superfiuity of brigs
diers in the army recalls whs
O'Connell said to British office
when he was being cross-examinec