The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-02-05
Miller's Wife's Aunt.

glad to see the old lady, and did all that
he could to make her visit pleasant for
her, and she had him hopping around
all the blessed time, and had every
piece of furniture removed from its
place and transferred to another place.
She found fault with the dinner, and
pounded all the children the first day
she came; and when night threw its
mantle of darkness over the town in
which Miller lived, he was glad in his
soul, for now he thought he could have
one blissful moment of rest.
1t took the whole family to put the
old lady to bed, and they had hardly got
her there when she bounced out again
to see if it was going to rain, so that she
couldn't go home on the following day.
Mr.. Miller retired early, and was go
into blissful doZe, when the old lady
cried out:
civilian, it's nine o'clock, and time
for me to take my lung balsam. Bring
it here"
Mr.. Miller arose and gave the suffer-
ing mortal her balsam, and soOthed her
for half an hour, while she groaned and
wished she was dead. Then he again
retired, and when the clock struck ten
the old lady yelled:
civilian. it is time for me to take
my cherry pectoral. Get up and bring
it here Bring some cream for me to
take it in, too
Miller kindly arose again and gave
his relative her medicine. Then she
made him get shovel and burn some
sugar on it to scare off the mosquitoes.
ha T., NJ al
was:
William Will yam! It's time for
me to take my nerve drops. Get up
and bring them to me, and go down
cellar end get me some raspberry jam
to take them in. They're awful nasty"
Mr.. Miller groaned several times, and
waltzed around half an hour, supplying
the old lady's wants, and after he had
smoothed her pillow and placed jug
of water to her feet, she remarked that
she wished he was dead, that his wife
might marry rich man.
At twelve o'clock Miller was awakened
from delicious dream by the angelic
voice of his wife's aunt. This time it
was:
civilian 0 William ! are you deaf?
I've been trying to tell you for ten
hours that it was time for me to take
my Strengthening cordial. always eat
small raw tomato after taking it. You
60 out into the garden and get me
one."
With low sob Miller arose, wrapped
quilt around him, pranced out into
the garden, and began to feel around
among the potato vines for tomato.
1t was pitch dark, but he finally STUN
bled ON to tomato vine and secured
tomato, which he carried up to the old
lady.
"William," said she, ''that's a red to-
mato. want a yaller one, cause they're
the sweetest"
Then Miller got lantern, and secured
"a yaller one." It was a very good to-
mato, and the old lady guessed she'd
save the seed, and Miller had to hold
his two hands in under her chin to re-
ceive the seeds rs she elected them from
her mouth. Then he went to bed, and
just as his head touched the pillow he
was again aroused.
civilian You, William Henry Mil
Ter, wake up! Dye want to sleep all
yer life? Get up and bring me my
powders. It's one o'clock, and time for
me to take 'em. Bring me an apple to
eat, too"
Miller swore softly to himself for
few moments, and again arose. He
had to put the old lady's teeth in before
she could eat her apple.
MAJ be he didn't mean to, but he put
the upper ones in wrong side up, and
his aunts wife cut her gums so severely
that she groaned with pain. She got
up and chased him all over the house
with a bolster in her hands. She took
"crick" in her side just as she got to
the foot of the stairs, and Miller had to
set her up on his shoulder and carry her
mp to her room. Her 21O pounds avoir-
dupois proved too much for Miller, and
she fell over backwards just as they
reached the head of the stairs. But
Miller held on to her feet, and landed
her on the bed with such force that the
f1uted rufile on her nightcap was smashed
out straight.
He then rushed into his own room,
and his wife called him an unfeeling dog,
and his wife's aunt howled until two
o'clock. Then she shouted:
civilian Miller come right here, and
put a new plaster on my corns!
Miller was just going to say he
wouldn't do it, when his wife braced
herself against the wall, and with her
feet pushed him out of bed. He again
went to administer to the wants of his
wife's relative.
She told him she was dying, and he
said he was glad Of it. He then put a
huge plaster on her corns, and another
right over her mouth, and then he
went grinning and dancing back to his
couch.
At three o'clock his wife gave him a
,1;<x ,,,;+l, bov <I,, N, he on1 coi1.