Connecticut western news., 1876-09-29
Items of Interest.

Items of Interest.
 "You put too much grease on your hair," said boarder to his mistress, as he gently relieved silver thread of it's golden butter.
 "What is the worst side of naval war fare 2" asked a school teacher. "The broadside," replied the boy in the back seat. He went up head. ...-
 "Does our constant chatter disturb you 2" asked one of three talkative ladies of sober looking fellow passen- ger. "No, ma'am; I've been married nigh on to thirty years," was the reply.
 Some thieves who had concealed them selves in the Duomo, at Milan, carried off part of the jewels with which the statue of the Virgin is ornamented. But the robbers were sold, as the stones are false.
 A boy of twelve, dining at his uncle's, made such good dinner that his aunt observed Johnny, you appear to eat we'll" "Yes, aunty,' replied the ur- chin; "I've been practicing eating all my ife." ,..
 The superiority of man to nature is continually illustrated in literature and in life. Nature needs an immense quan- tity of quills to make a goose with; but man can make goose of himself in five minutes with one quill. ,-'
 The ranks of the best paid branch of the British army, the royal artillery, are so uninviting to skilled mechanics that this body was 1,300 below it's comple- ment on January l, and on July there was deficiency of 800 men.
 An enterprising St. Louis paper gives a full and particular description of the various valuable diamonds owned in that city. The labor of gathering facts for the article was not, however, exhausting. The precious stones were all in the pawn shops.
 "Are you there, my loveG" he whis.. pered through hole in the fence of his beloved's back yard. "Yes, darling" was the reply. Jump right over." He did so, and alighted in the presence of her mother, a broomstick and policeman.
 A mother, trying to get her little daughter of three years to sleep one night, said: Anna, why don't you try to go to aleepf" :" I'm trying" she she eyes," ." We'll, I can't help it; ums comes unbuttoned.
 Philadelphia furniture dealers send confidential !" letters to clergymen of the city, asking to be put upon the track of persons who are soon to be married, or have been recently. This is truly business enterprise. Wonder how much commission the clergymen chargei
 Two circuses pitched tents at Marys- vile, Ohio, on the same day, and the rivalry was exciting. Prices of admis- sion were reduced to five and ten cents, and, in the street parades, @ man stood on the top of each animal cage, shouting the merits of the show to which he was attached.
 A nobleman, both stingy and ugly, refused to pay Hogarth for his portrait, on the ground that it was not 8 good likeness, " ereupon Hogarth threatened to put tail to it and sell it to the Bar mum of those days, to be shown with the wild beasts. The money was paid at once.
 A Troy wiflower, we are told, sleeps every night on his wife's grave ln St. Mary cemetery. Such lodgings are com fortabIe enough in warm weather, but the chances are that after the first snow he will be found sitting in some neigh bor's parlor until midnight alongside of a hot stove and an interesting girl.
 Something decidedly original is the advertisement of restaurant keeper ln Baltimore "Should you sour on the homeopathic steak of your boarding house, or it's stereotyped mackerel, or its herculean butter, or the Spartanic sim plicity of its puddings, then sweeten your temper with business dinner," etc.
 A young man who was engaged to be married recently committed suicide in Cincinnati, and the mother Of the dam sel whom he was to wed brought in bill against his estate of $12S for board, and $50 for wedding expenses incurred by the prospective bride. The court al- lowed $10O of the account, and the mat ter was finally settled by the payment of $s5.
 An eight-hour man, says the Century for Women, on going home for his sup per, found his wife sitting in her best clothes on the front doorstep reading volume of travels. "How is this ?" he exclaimed; "where is my supper 2" "I don't know" replied his wife; "I began to get your breakfast at six o'clock this morning, and my eight hours ended at two P. M."
 The North Carolina supreme court decides, in State vs. Johnson, that son is allowed to fight only in the neces- sary defense of his father, and to excuse himself he must plead and show that his father would have been beaten had he (the son) not interfered. If father and his adversary are engaged ln fight on equal terms, tho sons interference is not justiiable.
 A newspaper man has been visiting the Centennial Exhibition, and during his soiourn at that place he dined at one of tho French restaurants. When the bill for the meal was presented to him he meekly intimated that his boiled egg contained B chicken. The polite waiter said that he would have the bill correct ed, and soon returned with new bill, upon which the charge of thirty cents for "eggs" had given place to all item of sixty cents for chicken.
 At the recent execution of two prison CTS within Kirkdale prison, Liverpool, England, a very long drop was nsed, which had the advantage of breaking the mems necks with the fall. The coro- ner, however, ordered the sheriff to di- rect the attention of the government to the fact that this method did not comply with the letter of the law, which con- templates hanging by the neck till the culprit dies through stranguhtion, whereas very heavy fall causes death through dislocation of the vertebr@.