The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1876-01-26

CoVitSlllp is bliss, SAID an Gr-
dent young man. eyes, and matri-
mony is blister" snarlcd nh old
bachelor.
Teachcr-"Wllat is the definition
of Irritation :" Intelligent young
pupil--"Jt is attention without in
tention."
LII Cincinnati ovory other sire ct
lamp is to DO oNtinyuishod, thereby
ctlccting al annual saving Of
$4,000.
A little boy led his dog two miles
recently to sec if his hind feet would
ntrh UP to his front ones and still
ONE people think juveniles haven't
original theories.
Some people think Twcod is
still in tho city. Wo think hos still,
wherever no is.-N. \. Conemcr,
ciai -idrcrtiscr.
Tho length Of deep sea cablo laid
i'll the world is 10000 miles. Tho
world telegraphic limos oxtond over
100000 miles, and there arc 1GO, 900
milos of railroad.
"He WAS ono OF tho most energetic
trusteos," says village paper in an
obituary notice, "and we trustoos
happy"
"Im married. now WAS the excuse
OF II Chicago youth gave Il florist for
not buying rs many bouquets rs in
former years.
There is something peculiarly
chivalrous in boys disposition. If
lie sees strange boy Opposite, he
will cross tho street to ask him if
he wants to fight.
There is n man in Indiana who
takes thirty newspapers, and you
might "a wcll try to- :jdo whirlwind
Oh sido saddle MS to attempt to
impose upon that man.
CSydncy Smith once rcbnkod d
swearing visitor by saying, "Lct lis
assume that every thing and every
body arc damned, and proceed with
our subject
Every man should have something
to do, even if it is only sitting on
stool behind the bars in q county
Jail and counting the minutes before
dinner.
There is no special style of cn-
CRAVING engagement rings A spi
doris web, With Il fly in it, is q very
pretty device.
Two telegraph operators in acpa-
rato Hartford otlicos quarrollod
over the wires until ono challenged
tho othnr to meet him half way and
fight. They met, and had it out in
hsticulls.
A Western critic objects to
female BARRIERS ION account of tho
disastrous shave which Mrs.
Sampson gave her husband" It's
very mean to keep raling up those
little bits Of rnplcusantnoss.
Over the porch of the Old South
Church, Mt Boston, is chisollcd: BE
hold ! l have set before you m
opon door," and under, on the door
is printed in emphatic letters,
"Positivcly no admittancc."
A bachelor, returning from n ball
in u crowded coach, declared with q
groan that he had not tho slightest
objection to "rjngs on his lingcrs,'
but he had most nncqnirpcal avor'
sion to "bclles on his toes"
Selling out at cost !" was tho
announcement which met tho
shoppers eye. cat whose cost?'
sho modcstly asked of tho proprio
tor, "At tho buyers madam" no
whispered, and politely bowed her
out.
The mammoth hotol to be built
at st. Louis by Boston capitalists
will be II storios, 800 feet square,
10 feet high, md will contain
1000 rooms, accommodating $500
lodgcrs.
NIrs, Selma Walker, Of Winston,
Ala, is lob years old, cooks dinner
for hur company, nnd waits on tho
table, Her husband, ,Buckner, is
l0l years old, hale, hearty, and
attends to the dutios Of his mill.
Az everybody is Interested in tho
matter of chear food, it. is pleasant
to learn from tho monthly report OF
the department. of agriculture, that
tho corn crop Of 1876 is ono of the
largest cvor grown in this country
TINT tho potato crop is oxtraolSlinary,
both in product md quality, .and
that the tho buckwhoat crop equals
thas of last year.
An Irishman, OH arriving in this
country, took fancy to q Yankee
girl, and wrote to his vito Doar
Mona, these melancholy lines arc to
inform you that 1 diod yesterday,
and hope You arc enjoying the samo
blessing, 1 recommend you to mar.
ry jerry ORoukc, and take care OF
tho children. From your affection
ato husband till death.