The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-09-08
NO. | 9.
MISCELLANEOUS.

4
a wife cheap.
One Of the wonders Of the world is why
when a man comes outofa saloon he looks
one way and goes the other.
Here is an item for housekeepers. In
New York the clothes Of the dead from
the morgue are made into rag carpets
No more rag carpets in ours.
A Green Bay lawyer who sat in his Of
fee, with his feet hanging ont Of the win
dow, was accosted by a man from the
country, who wanted to buy a violin box.
Pull-back pantaloons are the latest nov
1elty. Nobody wears them but young men
accustomed to take in an oyer-quantity Of
'sbug juice" They help them from tum-
bling, you know.
The elateststory ofan absent-minded man
is that Of Drug clerk who filled his Gus
TONER'S bottle, and receiving therefor nice
new 25 cent scrip, pasted it on the bottle
and put the label in the cash drawer.
A boarding fend tells the story
that in a recent thunderstorm the warning
Of the elements was so awe-inspiring that
the hair in dish of butter in the pantry
turned completely white during the night.
I A man who promised his wife on her
death-bed never to marry again, offers a
reward for some one who viii convince him
that a lie is iustifable when it is told to
soothe the last moments Of the departing.
Questions put to the sweetheart by a
bashful lad, during their first tete-a-tete
How's your father? How's your mother?
How are your parents? How are your
father and mother? How are they both
"1Iy name is Somerset" writes pun
ster. Il am miserable bachelor. l can
not marry, for how could | hope to pre-
vail on any young lady possessed Of the
slightest notion Of dehcacy, to turn a Som
erset.o
London bootblacks have club, where
they eongregate every night, pitch pennies,
tell lies, and indulge in other harmless re
creations. The club house is down flight
Of stone steps, near Billingsgate, and the
initiation fee is Hsixpenny bit"
Mrs Podgers detected her husband
burying an old saucepan in the back yard,
the other morning, and asked him what he
was about aNotbing much returned
Podgers; "only its high time We were get
ting ready to SEND. some Revolutionary rel
les to the Centennial
An Irishman accosted a colored man on
a road in the rural districts the other day
and asked him what a certain field, that
was fenced in, was used for. "Why, that
is a niger cemetery" replied the man Of
color 1T is? well, want to ask favor
from you, and that is, when I die I want
to be buried in that very lot" "Why?
Because the Devil will never look for an
Irishn1au in a niger cemetery
You have a pleasant home and a bright
freside, with happy children sitting around
it, haven't you y said the Judge Eyes,
sir, said Mr., Thompson, who thought he
saw a way cut Of the difficulty. "Well,"
said the Judge, IF the happy children sit
around the cheerful freside until you re
turn, they will stay there just 43 days, as
I shall have to send you up for that time.
Cincinnati Times.
Man is an animal, formidable both from
his passions and reason his passions Of
ten urging him to great evils, and his rea-
son furnishing means to achieve them. To
tfain this ANIMAL and make him amenable
to order; to inure him to a sense of JUS
tiee and virtue; to withhold him from Ill
courses by fear, and encourage him in his
duty by hopes; in short, to fashion and
model him for society, hath been the aim
of civil and religious institutions, and, in
all times, the endeavor Of good and wise
men. The aptest method for attaining
this end hath been always judged aproper
education.- Bishop Berkely.
A kiss, however pleasant, may cost too
much. Here we have an account of Mis-
sourian who INDUCED in the salutation Of
fine young woman, and Of what happen
ed to him. The magistrate fned him..
The fine young woman's brother horse
whipped him. His wife worried him into q
brain fever. The parson alluded to him
personally in a long sermon. The local
editor took sides with the clergyman and
pilloried him in loaded long primer. Final
| y he was punished BY q special providence,
for the potatoe bug left their potatoes to
eat every blade Of his wheat crop. Let
the kissingly inclined take warning
1t was eae twilight hour, and they were
meandering over the exeerable sidewalks
on Veto street. He was blaeker than the
king Of clubs, and could discount the ten
spot Of spades.
Susan, I lub your he suddenly remark
ed.
ashool go long r she replied.
Susan, viii yer marry me?" he con
tinued.
"Go long wid you, Pete Y
IF yer don't Isshall embrace de hoatin
waters OBJ de dark ribber Den de eoro
H :ll #1,sYal no ant an e0t ~, mo. dpv1l