The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1876-03-02
HumOrOus.

VI . ollOE.
How to raise beets-take hold of the
tops and pull
WHEN the spider left the ark, did he
walk or take fly?
The best kind of a school-tax-svn-
tax.-Nelc York Commercial Adre,tiser.
DIET for lovesick maidens-tender-
lines.-Ne'o York Commercial Adretiser.
Two vane birds-The weathercock
and the peacock.-N. Y. Com. Adr.
To the man with mother-in-law all
things are relative.
'CONSTITUTIONALLY tired" is now the
polite way of expressing the fact that .
man is mutually lazy.
DURING the leap-year every woman
has an inalenable right to make love
and the fire in the morning.
IT looks to us as if that Boston
forger, Winslow, went back on his name,
and loSt-fast. -Nol7ist01cn Herald.
WHY is a selfish friend like the letter
P?-Because, though he is the first in
pity, he Is the last III help.
All PIN is the Chinese Minister to the
United States, but it's not stated what
kind of an All Pin he is.-Boston Globe
"THIs is spanking fine vinegar" said
John Henry. Ought to be spanking"
replied his hopeful, there's mother in
it. Cincinnati Times.
some New Workers talk of doing
away with a police force entirely"
This is another blow at the criminal
clasSes.-N017IaolrR Herald
IL spite Of his extensive ownership
Of newspapers, Winslow, the Boston
traveller, had no connection with The
Boston Traveller.
AN English statistician has prepared
an article showing the proportion of
ammunition lost on battle-felds. 1t is
probably entitled Lead Astray."
DON'T try to get up an imaginary row
in the Cabinet, Messrs. Correspondents.
It's poor device, and won't work.
Ne,0 York Commercial AdveltiSer.
PROFESSOR Cooking at his watch): GAS
we may have few minutes | should
like to have any one ask questions
if so disposed" Student: what time
is it, please?"
SOME people Will be over-polite.
"Don't trouble yourself. lean find the
way myself" ooh! nonsense, my
dear I'm very much pleased, indeed,
to show you out"
AT a board of trade meeting last
week, member arose and gravely OBJ
served that he wished to make few
curse-ory remarks on dams.-NorriS-
! torn Herald.
A GEOLOGIsT says that he never heard
of secondary formations without pleas
uro- the ladies being the secondary for
nations, for they were formed after the
men.
HAu-sPLTTING piety-The Jersey
City BARRIERS have resolved to stop hair
cutting on Sundays, but will continue to
shave their customers as usual ickS-
burg Herald.
A NEGRO was scalded to death from a
boiler explosion in New Orleans last
week, and on his tombstone they CHS
eled deeply, "Sacred to the memory of
our steamed friend"
SHE asked him if hernew dress wasn't
as sweet as Spring rose, and the brute
said it was, even TO the minor attraction
of still having a little due on it.-WaSh-
ingt0n Chronicle.
A PENNSYLVANIA couple celebrated
their wooden wedding last fall, and
have been using no other fuel than
clothes pins and potato smashers ever
since.
A New YORK temperance lecturer
says one of the chief causes of the pres
ent financial depression is alcoholic
indulgences. The Boston Post asks:
Does he mean to say that money is
eight ~
AN Indiana farmer don't pay any
tolls. He shoots the gate-keeper, and
joys right along. They have tried him
GNICt, DuJ lie ScIS CltdI, SlICC one vi
his aunt's cousins used to act Eighty
like"
Is the captain of your ship a relig-
Gus man ?" asked city missionary of
Jack tar eyes" replied the latter; O
course he is--that is, when he amt
drunk. "-Ne10 York Commercial Aduer-
hSer.
THE Hon. Potiphar Peagreen, Of the
Georgia Legislature, rose IN his seat the
other day and asked a member the
mea ming of the word geology. The
member told him it was a species Of
vaccination.
ALADY Of Rockville, Conn, received
note the other day, asking if a few
friends could have a surprise party at
her house She said yes, and took up
her carpet and made ample prepare
tons. The evening came and passed
without even caller. That's where
the surprise came in.