Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-10-20
f. UJ N =


How A GRANGER GOT FOOLED BY A
PHILADELPHIA ARAB.-Many strangers
at the Centennial are not yet aware that
they can't get out, even for moment, and
get back on the same entrance fee. saw
an old man, evidently Granger, try it
the other day. He says to the gateman !:
81 want to go out a minute. You'll know
me when I come back, won't you p
Gateman eyes; I'll know you by a
ffty-cent stamp"
Granger: What! Amt the money! paid
good for all day?
Gateman: Yes; it's good for all day if
you stay in all day.
= Granger But want bite t,eat. It'll
cost me fifty cents in here.
Gateman: That's the rule, old man, and
you'll haye to stand it: But I'll tell you
what you can do. You can go down by
them pailings, and there's some boys out
side will sell you sandwich for twenty
cents.
I followed the old gentleman down the
pailings to witness his investment. Sure
enough, he found an authenticated boy
with sandwiches, and, taking one through
the Stats, passed out a fifty cent stamp.
Then he held his hand through for the
change.
''This is 1862 says the brick-top Arab.
Granger: Well, guess I knowed that
before. Gin my change.
Arab: This is Centennial YEAR
Granger Swapping his fingers nervously
through the crack -"He1e boy! I don't
want no fooling. Gin my change right
away"
Arab: Don't you know this is Centen-
NAL year?
Granger: Yes, sholy 1 do; GIN my
change, you owdacious devil.
Arab: Don't give no change Centennial
year.
Granger You cussed, Internal, red head
brat of Satan, if you don't GIN me thirty
cents I'll come out there and get police
man hold of you.
Arab: Now, mister, that wouldn't be
business. You don't want to come out
here and pay fifty cents to get lack - just
for thirty cents-and if yer was to do it
for spite, where'd be when you got out
You see, this is Centennial year. Have to
make our jack this year. Now you go
along quiet and nice, and it'll be all the
same next Centennial.
Finale.-Arab performs short war
dance, and yells: run here, Jimmy! I've
done it to another of EN-"
Granger walks off, rubbing his bothered
brow, muttering: swell, I'll be eternally
ding blasted intew gourdseed, if this amt
che skippinest place ever struck"
ssHave you children p demanded house
renter. 'Yes," replied the other, solemn
ly, 'ssix-all in the cemetery" Better
there than here" said the landlord, con-
solingly, and proceeded to execute the de-
sired lease. In due time the children re-
turned from the cemetery, whittier they
had been sent to have nice play, but it
was too late to annul the contract.
The Norwich man who courted his wife
fifty years before he married her was a
prudent fellow Fifty years takes the
strength out OF most any arm, and makes
it inconvenient for woman to get down
on her knees to urge the head of the house
to come out from under the bed and talk
the matter over.
Manners have been somewhat cyl :caly
defined by wise men to keep fools at Il dis
lance. Fashion is shrewd to detect thcs Sc
who do not belong to her train, and seldom
wastes her attentions, Society is very
swift in its instincts, and If you DO not
beleng to it, resists and sneers at you, or
quietly drops you.
Last News from the Spirits World
Medium: s'The spirit of the late Mr.. Jones
is present" Jones,s widow with emotion):
81 hope you are happy, Jones?" Jones
traps out): "Far happier than I ever was
on earth!" Jones's widow: sfOh, Jones!
then you must be in Heayenp' Jones: s'On
the contrary"
There are only two gallons of whisky per 1
yexr manufactured for each inhabitan5 off
the United States, and it is a clear case
that somebody IS got TO &C without.
While enc hymn book is good enough for
lovers it takes two to supply them with
music after they are married