Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-09-20
CHIPS.

big enough to find himself.
The young ladies at Newport play
"leap frog" in their bathing dresses
after coming out of the water.
ga prudent man." says a witty
Frenchman, 'is like a pin; his
head prevents him from going too
far"
Call the next baby Elaine, after
TcnnysoE' heroine. Then, when she
is cross, call her the Mad-elainc.-
Globe Democrat.
"You want nothing, do you 2" said
Pat. "Bedad, an if it's nothing We
want, ye'll find it in the jug where
the whisky was"
A young poet of the realistic school
writes: "Timc marches on with the
slow, measured tread Of a man work
ing by the day"
| A Connecticut woman, who has
used one needle for twenty-five years,
has begun on her second paper of
pins, the first paper having lasted
forty.
A Salt Lake grand jury reports that
the law of Congress against polygamy
cannot be enforced owing to the diff
Guilty of procuring proof of polyga-
nous marriages.
| "Would you take me for twenty 2"
said young lady who looked much
younger. "Bless you my child" said
an admiring bachelor, al would take
you for life."
The Yorkville Qll.) Ne,cs man is
credited with the responsibility of
saying that it "isn't brains that makes
a man success, but it's the sand in
his gizzard."
| Medical men say that when a man
is full of whisky he can't freeze, and
appearances indicate that large NUM-
Der of our citizens are expecting a
mighty cold snap, says the Fulton
Times.
Some villain sent neatly done-up
paper box full of wasps to the editor
of the Milton On. Co. Chronicle, and
the little pests actually cleaned out
the entire establishment, and delayed
the paper for whole day.
Paris, it seems, has steam street cars
that don't brighten the horses, seat
forty persons, run ten miles an hour,
can be stopped within five feet by a
brake, turn sharp corners, and cost
but 81 day for fuel and attendance.
An intcrmlssion of twenty-four
L InI ov.t 80 x1,o
Wagner musical festival at Bayreuth,
in order, the Brooklyn argus says, to
give time for the burial of those who
died from exhaustion during the first
part.
A widow at Martha's Vineyard is
trying to make an honest penny out
of the house in which her husband
was killed by lightning. For %
cents the visitor is shown shattered
bedstcad, broken mirrors, and a pho
tograph of the man taken after death.
Philadelphia has a superiority Of
hotels, and yet they talk of building
another. OF the thirty odd now open
in that city, barely six are first-class
in all that that term implies, and it IS
singular that the shabbicst and most
badly managed are the most cxhorbi-
tant in charges.
The remedy for the servant-girl
evil has been found at last. 1t is for
the lady of the house and her daugh-
tiers to do the work themselves. The
answer to this national eonundrum
would probably never have been
solved but for the "hard times"
A Wisconsin school teacher had
revenge when the board cut down
her salary. She licked every scholar
in the school, destroyed four maps,
carried off the keys, and in the law
suit which followed, she bust the
board sky high.
The question has never yet been
settled why it is that the woman who
ways occupies the front seat at camp
meeting and shouts glory the loudest
when the preacher says truth is
mighty.
Song-writcrs have good deal to
say about the "old school house." but
are very careful not to mention the
fact that a rabbit track would have
pulled them away from the dear old
structure at race-horsc speed during
any period of their attendance.
| Twenty Brooklyn ladies voted on
the question: Has young lady the
right to kiss q gentleman with whom
she takes an evening drive? There
were nineteen Affirmative votes.
The one negative vote was cast by a
woman with red hair and glass eye.
brooklyn Argus.
i TRUE PoL,rENEss.-Politc youth
Excuse me, sir, but you've dropped
your cigar ash on your trOwsers.'
Crusty old gent: "Well, sir and what
then? You've had fusee burning
in yonr sleeve for the last quarter OF
an hour, and never interfcrred with
Iyou"
| The Watkins Express is responsible
for this: "a few Sundays ago we
heard a preacher of the Gospel, who
holds forth over there in Chemung
county, make use of this vigorous
comparison "A hypocritical Chris
tian can no more get into heaven than
raccoon can climb stovepipe with
a tea kettle tied to his tall
i Says the st. Louis Republican. I'll
has been observed by freqnenters Of
watering places that the female
swimmer never learns to use her 9th.
er limbs as gracefully as she doe.
her arms. This fact should be con