The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-08-11
FACTS AND FANCIES.


shaven father, your chin looks like the
wheel IN the music box"
"MOTHER-IN-LAw" is the nickname
of the new London drink, "Btout and
bitter"
A RUTLAND, Vermont, girl went into
a druggists and. pointing at the trusses.
said, How do you sell shawl-strapsY"
1" l SHALL follow her soon." said sad
eyed man at the grave of his wife,
Within month he vas following another
woman.
A BREED of dogs in Australia are of
the kind that do not bark. Half the
pleasure of keeping a dog is gone when
the bark is removed.
No man can talk half an hour with a
veterinary surgeon without being con-
vinced that all the eloquence didn't die
when Daniel Webster did.
AN insectologer has discovered that
the best time to examine the wonderful
architecture of the hornets nest is after
the hornets have moved out.
SoIILoQUY by tippIer: The public
always notices you when you have
been drinking, and never when you are
thirsty.
PRIDE in an extravagant opinion ofour
own worthiness vanity is an inordi-
nate desire that others SHOULD share that
opinion.
"WHAT is the interior of Africa princi-
pally used for p asked teacher Of pu-
pill. For purposes of exploration" was
the reply.
LAUGHING may make a man grow fat,
but you've got to mix it nightly with
bread and meat and a quiet conscience,
if you get it TO stick.
CUMBERLAND FALLS, the Niagara of
Kentucky, have n perpendicular descent
of sixty-seven feet and the roar of the
water can be heard n distance of twelve
miles.
| EVERY man takes care that his neigh
bo rshall not cheat him. But a day
comes when he begins to care that he do
not cheat his neighbor. Then all goes
we'll. He has changed his market cart
into a chariot of the sun.
WRITES the poet Smith: 81 clasped
her fair hand in rapture of bliss, and
thought, O how blessed our fates, till ]
looked on the glove that ecircled her
wrist, and found that, alas! they were
eights~
DoCToR," said n gentleman to
physician "my daughter had fit this
half an hour without showing knowledge
or understanding" "Oh," replied the
doctor, "never mind that; many people
continue so all their lives"
CLARENCE, you We got real kind
heart" gratefully observed young lady
on the cars to a sallow-faced youth as he
dropped prize package of popcorn in
her lap. "Yes, Mary, my hearts all
right" he sadly replied, "what want
is new liver"
4 NEVER could enjoy poetry when
I'm cOOkin'," said an old lady, "but
when l step out to feed the hogs and
hist myself onto the fence, and throw
my soul into a few lines of 'Cap'n
Jinks,' it does seem as if this airth was
made to live on after ALL"
The worse use an American heiress
can put her money to Is TO buy foreign
titled husband. Dukes are quoted at
$1,000, 900; a low middling marquis
fetches 100000, while a count who
can't tether monkey or look up at
third-story windows, is not worth more
than $3.50, 600.
A CHEYENNE woman started while
drunk to drive to a village six miles
distant, did not recognize the place
when she got there, and kept right on
until a journey OF ninety miles killed
the horse, full supply of whisky having
kept her brain fuddled.
THE Cuban tobacco-raising districts
complain greatly of the clandestine impor-
tation of foreign tobacco. The law allows
only the introduction ot tobacco grown
in Porto Rico, and the growers ask that
the importation of the article even from
Porto Rico be wholly prohibited. IL is
believed much of the spurious article
comes from San Domingo, Honduras and
other quarters.
A SHIP on the broad; boisterous and
open ocean needeth DO pilot. But il dare
not venture alone OH the placid bosom of
a little river, lest it be wrecked by some
hidden rock. Thus it is with life. 'Tis
not in our open, exposed deeds that we
need the still voice Of the silent monitor.
but in the small, secret, every day acts
Of life that conscience warns ustO beware
of hidden shoals Of what we deem too
common to be dangerous.
AN English critic says that n French
mans politeness is no doubt in part full
fllment of well apprehended rules, but
most of it springs directly from a re-
spectful interest in strangers, survival,
perhaps, of that sentiment of reverence
Tor an unfamiliar human presence Whlch
was striking characteristic of antiqui-
ty, and which appears TO have most COM
pletely disappeared among modern En-
ylish speaking nations.
IT has been frequently argued that
men ought to live for a hundred years,
according to the general law of animal
creation that life should extend 10 five
lines the period required for growth.
Many of the insect tribes mature and
'ructify in n few hours and die before
lightfall. A dog grows for two years
md lives eight a horse grows for five
,ears and lives for twenty-five; an OK
,rows for four years and lives sixteen;
/ camel grows for eight years and lives
Orty; and man grows for twenty
ears, and could he maintain as regular
labits and as even diet rs other ami
mails, would probably live one hundred.