The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-05-12
FACTS AND FANCIEs.

serve the length Of it TOO.
The extreme height of misery is a
small boy with new pair of boots and
no mud puddle.
What is your business, sir ?'' asked the
court i'll sharp voice, A concholo-
gist." What's that?" said the Judge.
Il open clans" said the conchologist.
NEVER marry a woman with musical
ear they are tickle. A musical ear can
bedetected easily from the ordinary kind;
it is four inches longer.
A HANDSOME time-piece, with n check
for Gl5,000, is to be presented TO DR..
Lindsay Alexander, Congregational min
lister of Edinburgh.
For some reason or other the English
people during the last financial year in
| creased their consumption of tea, coffee,
and tobacco, diminished their use of in
tOxicating beverages, as shown by the
customs and excise receipts.
RELIGION is the dominion of the soul.
1t is the hope of life, an anchor of safety,
the deliverance from evil. What a ser
vice has christianity rendered 10 hu-
manity. What a power would il still
have did its ministers comprehend their
mission !-Nqp0ieOn.
BROKEN RHYTHM
Ny oars keep time to half rhyme,
That slips and slides away from me;
| Across my mind like idle wind,
a lost thought beateth lazily.
Adream, ahoat, my little boat
| And alone steal out to sea;
One vanished year, o lost and dear!
You rowed the little boat for me.
| All! who can sing of anything,
| With none to listen lovingly!
Or who can time the oars to rhyme,
When left TO row alone the scar
THE EXPENSES of the late Alexander L.
! Stewards funeral are not believed TO be
more than $12, 900. Many persons thought
they would reach from $50, 900 to$6O, 600.
| The estimate includes the undertakers
bill, the music, flowers, attendance, etc.
N y. Telegram.
BRIDGET-"Sure, Maria and me was
discushin over what was thin things IN
the pitcher over the mantel." mlstress
-" Why, Bridget, those are kaPhaeis
angels" Bridget" Och, thln the DOM
of us wuz wrong; / said they wuz t"lhs
and Maria said they wuz bats"
! ALADDIN
When / was a beggarly boy,
And lived in cellar damp,
| had not friend or toy,
But | had Aladdin's lamp;
When | could not sleep for cold,
had fire enough in my brain,
And builded with roofs Of gold,
My beautiful castles in Spain
Since then have toiled day and night
have money and power good store,
But I'd give all my lamps of silver bright,
For the one that is mine no more;
Take Fortune, whatever you choose,
You gave, and may snatch again;
! have nothing 'twOuld pain me to lose,
For | own no more castles in Spainl
EDMUND YATES always dictates his
novels, and has for on amanuensis an ex-
ceedingly grave and unimaginative man.
On one occasion. when about TO begin
his DAYS work, Mr.. Yates inquired:
"Where did we leave OFF,? Where
we were pressing her lips, sir" replied
the secretary, in a matter-Of-fact way.
He who wishes to exert a useful in
huence must be careful to insult nothing.
Let him not he troubled by what seems
absurd, but let him consecrate his energies
to the creation of what is good. He
must not demolish but build. He must
raise temples where mankind may ceme
and partako of the purest pleasure
Goethe.
TENNYsoN has been ordered to write
an ode to the Prince of Wales, and it is
amusing to behold England's poet laure-
ate walk fretfully up and down his gar
den and hear him mumbling, The
Prince of Wales-favoring gales-spread-
ing sails-tiger's tails-the people yearn
his return--our bOsoms burn-our
love he'll earn--wc'll tyTants spurn-
iungles, bungles s-India-India-lnd
dia-dia," and then snap out go 'ang
the hode."
A-DoCToR on West Adams street saved
n young woman's life two months ago.
When he brought round his bill the
grateful father replied: Take her, doc
tor she is yours; her heart heats only
for you. Me and the old woman will
come and live with you 10y and by" The
son of Esculapius said he wasn't that
sort of a man that he couldn't afford IT;
that, seeing it was him, he would take
500. "Sixty-six dollars J" screamed the
pious father; "why, could have buried
her for half the money. Chicago Tribune.
FOUND in an Omaha girls pocket;
"Two white cotton hankerchieis;
candy fish of many cOlOrs; one short
slate pencil black, chewed at the end,
too hard at the other; one slate pencil,
mode color, chewed at both ends, and
very short and slabsided; one bit Of
sky-blue ribbon; two bits in currency;
one piece of short black, scollOped rib
bon: one garter, without buckle, very
elastic, but not long; two short pieces
of barber pole candy, one Of peppermint,
the other lemen one pair Of small black
kid gleves one parasol tassel; q camels
hair brush; one love letter, very tender,
praising the recipient and running down
another girl, hence very valuable; ono
horse-hair ring unfinished; three hair
pins, one perfumery bottle stopper;
box of breath perfume; a ball of floss
and a broken crochet needle; a small
piece of raw cotton full Of white powder;
the left heel of a No. gaiter; one stock
ing with hole in the toe; thimble
and a nut cracker"
THE procession in New York on st.
Patrick's day was to march by the Hip
podrome in the afternoon in the very
midst of the preaching Of Mr. Moody.
The music would necessarily produce
disturbance and interruption of the ser
vices. In anticipation of such an annoy.
ance, a request was sent to the marshal
of the day, with which he cheerfuDy
complied, and, before the procession
reached the Hippodrome, the bands OF
music ceased playing, and the vast pro-
cesslOn went by in respectful silence
This was an act Of Christian courtesy
which deserves to be acknowledged to the
credit of the Roman Catholic people,
who would not even in their iubilant
festival, knowingly annoy their Protest
ant fellow-citizens in their solemn re-
ligiOus worship.
The Moon and the Weather.