The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-03-02
That Detroit Police Court.
"a POOR OLD HAN

"a POOR OLD aAN."
He was an old man and his Honor
pitied him. Sixty winters had chilled
his blood-sixty summers had thawed
! him out again.
Old, and gray and tottering, and rs
he stood before the bar each one in the
audience said to himself: "It is a
shame-the old man is near his last
end" The Court smiled kindly on him
and asked:
"Well, uncle, you won't do SO any
more, will you?''
The old mans chin quivered He
sighed. He laid his wrinkled hand on
the desk and replied:
"I'll get drunk whenever | want to,
and can lick the sneak who brought
me in herein
1t was bad let down for the Court
The poor old man had a voice like a
goose, and as he spoke he kicked his
legs around as if he wanted to hurt
some one.
81 took you for poor old man, re-
marked his Honor. "a poor old"
q don't care if you took me for n
zebra!" shouted the ancient evergreen,
growing very red in the face.
"Please be calm, Mr.. Bennett" said
the Court
81 won't! I'd like to see any two of
you make me be calm!"
Seeing that it was poor old man on
his way to the tomb, the sentence was
made for sixty days. When he was led
back into the corridor he kicked the
blue saw-horSe over and broke its right
fore leg, and then seized Biiah by the
throat and very nearly ruined a No. II
paper collar which could have been
made to last ten days yet.
All of which goes to show that one
may be deceived in an old man as well
as young lady.
AN AWFUL LIAR.
Phineas johnson Crane was very
tall young man with hacking cough,
and as soon as brought out he said:
II protest against this style of wei
coming me to the home of my BIRTH"
"The officers are ordered to bring in
all the drunkards they can" replied mis-
Honor.
"Drunkard! Who's a drunkard?''
eACldliutu JHe prisoner.
weren't you drunk?"
''No, sir!"
"Didn't they find you lying on box
back of the dollar store?'
"Heavens and suns!" gasped Crane;
''why, l was on the ferry-boat when
they took me! The officer said | was
wanted for forgery, and here you 90
and charge me with drunkenness. |
want my trial for forgery right here and
nOw!"
The officers swore to finding the man
so drunk that they had to wheel him
down.
"Now, see here," said the prisoner,
" there's a mistake all around. | am
the Mayor of Chicago, but | probably
look like some criminal. I'll accept the
apology and call it square," ="
"If you repeat the assertion that you
are Mayor of Chicago I'll fine you fifty
dollars, - said his Honor.
" Chicago? Who said any thing about
Chicago? l said Milwaukee,"
"You are not the Mayor of Milwau-
keel"
81 hain't. eL?"
" No, SIR
"Well, I've letters right here to show
that | am Toledo alderman"
"Let me see them"
"They are down at the hotel" said
the prisoner, after feelingin his pockets.
81 want it understood that I'm none of
your Detroit plugs!"
81 understand it, ," replied his Honor,
as he picked up his pen, "and up you
90 for four months"
"I'm sent up, am ]? ?''
"Yes, SIR
"Well, the Indianapolis Board of
Trade will see to this thing. You Just
keep cool, and if this town don't"
His words died away as Bijah hurried
him along down the corridor, but after
a moment he was heard singing:
81 live in old Virginia,
And own some forty mules,
And though Pm now in prison
I'll not obey your rules"
THE OTHER SIDE.
The next prisoner was not 4 liar.
The truth was in him, and he made it
Il point to speak the truth. As he tOed
the mark he said:
"My name is Jonas Clark, and | ex-
pect was just as drunk as any man
could get.n
"You own right up, do you?" asked
his Honor.
81 never lie," replied the prisoner.
d" was going out to steal some poultry,
when met friend and got drunk. s"
"YOu steal hens, do you?"
''I have stolen hens"
"Have, eh? Ever steal any thing
else?"
"Yes, sir"
"Ever in jail?"
"Twice in Jail and once in State
PrisOni"
"You must be a hard case, Mr.
Clark
al am, sir; l suppose I'm the tough
est customer in town."
After an earnest look at the prisoner
his Honor asked:
"Did you ever murder any one?"
81 have, siri" was the calm reply.
There was a bad break in the CONVEX
satiOn. The Court scratched his head,
looked around and said:
"Well, you may 90! l don't want
to send you to the House of Correction
on charge of drunkenness when you
are liable to be arrested for murder and
sent up for life"
The prisoner was loath to leave, and
as Biiah let him out he asked:
"What sort of a story must | tell to
get up there where can get square liv-
ing until navigation Opens?"-DetrOit
Free Press.
A Brave Act.