The Tipton advertiser., 1876-05-04
soLEMN FACTS.
When is it right to take one in?
When IL raina.

Il
What are they which, though al
ways. drunk are never intoxicated?
Toasts.
A dignifed answer to beggar
girl is: "Go, waif, from me-"
Many lady in Washington has
come to want-come 10 want dis-
mond ear rings.
Honesty has nothing to fear. Dis
honesty should be made to fear oil
things.
"What shall we do with our Chi
nese popula.ion?' is the -uestion
in San Francisco.
Scranton, Pa, had a haunted piano
until the top was raised and a rat al
lowed to jump out.
Two years from this summer the
French will give grand exposition
in Paris.
1t used to be considered "poor do
ings' to smoke FIVE cent cigar
Railroad conductors smoke them
now.
A frog weighing $50 pounds was
exhibited at Nashville the other day.
1t was railroad frog.
Rhode Island people never write
letters TO places within the State
When they want anything they "hol-
ler."
There is one man in Philadelphia
who does not expect to make for
this year. His funeral will take place
tomorrow.
Daniel Drew was worth *3,0O0,000
when he was seventy years old. That
was the time to quit; but there's no
fool like an old fool
There is a valuable piece of real
estate in Boston, which is leased for
ninety-nine years on an annual rem
tai of twenty tons of pig-iron.
A North Carolina man has conceiv-
ed brilliant idea of exhibiting the
City uggliest men in the United
States at the Centennial.
What is the difference between a
trumpeter and hornet? Why, the
trumpeter is cornet of horse, and
the other is hornet of course.
The Centennial proposition that it
shall require hundred years for a
note to become outlawed dosen't
seem to take with large order Of
patriots.
During the last year eight women
have been admitted to the ministry
in this country, and five of them are
settled over thriving congregations.
Last year the town of Winter, Cal,
was a wheat field, and crop was
gathered from it. To-day it hss j.,
200 inhabitants, and town lots are
worth 5000.
"You are brilliant and versatile
bouquet of lovliness," with a voice
that was low and soft, and in return
she warbled, ,"Dry s,George; you've
said enough"
A Chicago paper has an article
headed, "a Poet among Poets" GA
Poetess among the Kitchen Pots
would have been more interesting.
Mrs. Sheridan thought a parrot
might amuse the baby, and said so,
but when the eishteen-pounder Par
rot gun came up on a dray she saw
that Philip had misunderstood her.
A jury in Carol county, Ga, re-
Gently brought in this verdict: 1--WE
the jury,agree to disagree" The Judge
unanimously agreed thereupon to fine
them five dollars each.
A Kentucky girl was burned to
crisp the other day while ironing
If she had been playing on the piano
while her mother was ironing the ac-
cident could not have happened.
1t is beautiful sight to attend an
Arizona wedding. The bride in
white, the happy groom, the solemn
minister, the smiling parents, and
from twenty-five to forty shot guns
standing against the wall, ready for
immediate use in case there is arcw
or an Indian attack.
One Of our Boston banks recently
sent some business paper to the West
for collection, and this week it was
returned protested, with the follow
ing response to notary: "Tell 'em I'm
busted" concise if not elegant way
of telling story that has become
quite familiar these days.
The serenity of the bench and bar
was somewhat disturbed at lndepen-
dence, lnyo county, Cal, the other
day. A witness had taken the stand
and the usual oath was being admin.
istered, when the witness suddenly
interrupted by exclaming: "Be jab-
ers, I'd tell you the hull truth, your
Honor, if the devil shtood fornenst
me wild his horns so long," and he il
lustrated with his arms outspread be.
fore his head how old Zamiel and
his horns would appear.
The Danbury -Ne,cs man is an ush-
er in one of the Danbury churches,
and on observing 4 gentleman come
in with lady he always whispers:
"MarriaaS" IF tho oantIamop s,vs