The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1876-07-01
VARIETIES.


thing to keep Is lead pencil.
Advice 10 Gshmopgers in warm
weather-"Deal gently with the her
ring"
A printer invariably gets out Of sorts |
when he reaches the bottom Of his case.
Hogg was good writer but he
can't be considered aside OF Bacon.
Sarcastic Slash Young swell :"Td
like to haze my moustache dyed" Po-
lite barber Certainly. Did you
bring 1t with you ?"
"Your auond-m friend" was the
way young lady of Chicago signed a
letter to former schoolmate.
A shirt dealer advertlses bosom to
wear longer than the shirt. But who
wants bosom longer than his shirt ?
A great many of our exchanges In.
dulge in cutting satire F; that is, they
cut it from other pagers and pass 1t on
as their own.
In French translation of Shakspere,
the passage, "Frailty, thy name is
woman" Is translated, ''Msdemoisetle
Frai,ty is the name of the lady"
Woman has many advantages oyer
man one of them is tbst his will has
no operation NIl he is dead, whereas
hers generally takes effect In her life
time.
The exhibition ts closed on Sundays
on religious grounds. Twenty thousand
people hang aroupd the fences all day
on secular grounds.
On learning the number of revolu-
tions of the great Corliss engine per
minute Dom Pedro said /: THAT beats
our South American republics u
The Reynolds Herald says it knows
where the sweetest mouth in the world
IS, and nov we want to know when the
editor was in Bridgeport. Bridgeport
Standard.
A wag, in "what he knows about
farming" gives very good plan to re-
move widows weeds. He says good
looking man has only to say "Wilt
thou ?' and they wilt.
There are two printers In an Allen
town Office, both bearing the same
nsme-Waltsr Knerr. There should
be some excuse for KneFE.Or in that
office. Norwich Herald.
The Woman's Journal asks, "How
shallwe utilize the supernuQus womanP"
1t seems as IL she might be UtahliZed
by forwal ding her to Salt Lake City.
Norwich Bulletin.
"Py schiminy, how dot poy studies
de languages |" is what delighted ell
derly German said when his four year
old son called him blear eyed son of
a saw-horse.
A Lancaster hen has won nOtoriety
by laying an egg which closely resem-
bles pear in its shape. But this Is
not as remarkable as II the fowl had
laid a pear closely resembling an egg.
Harvey discovered the circulation Of
blood when he was thirty.four. Yet
some editors get to be over q hundred
before they can discover the exact cir
culation of their OVID newspapers.
The abdcation of the Sultan gave
three thousand American newspapers
an opportunity to remark that "the
Sultan Abdul Aziz Is the Sultan as
was.'' And yet some persons declare
that American hlmor is dying"
Mamma asked precocions youngster
at the tea table the other evening, after
a long and yearning gaze toward o
plate Of dpughnuts, Mamma, do you
think | could stand another of those
fried holes" She thought he could.
Mr.. Singleman, of Greenville, N. j.,
forced quid Of tobacco into his wife's
mouth the other day and kept it there
until she became sick. Now his wife
wishes she had remained q single wo-
man instead Of becoming Singleman.
A daughter of Erin.-The new cook,
OF, receiving "sbort" notice to leave,
with hint that she has given falsa
character cam IL it me false charge
ter ye're afther casting in me teeth
AS il I'd be bringing me thrue charac
ter wild me, to lose 1t in your dirty scr
vice"
"Mrs. Henry" said John, the other
evening, "why are you like the DeVil9'
And when she went for him with the
needle he had hardly time to save him
self by a quotation abont "sowinl
taIes"-the other reasons he prudently
kept to himself.
DR., Mary Walker thinks the scheme
of making geptlemen's trousers 80 vo
luminous In the neither limbs this yea
is to force her into abandoning them
but she says she intends to hang on tt
them as long as she don't have to slil
lem over her head.
1t is we'll authenticated fact tina
clean cuffs have an nnaccOuntable ten
dency to secrete themselves somewher
In the immediate vicinity Of the elbows
while dirty ones exhibit a wilful an
exasperating determination to RENAL
obtrusively in the vicinity of the knuck
les.
At recent exhibition of paintings
lady and her son were regarding wit
much interest picture WHICH the cats
logue designated as AutheE at the Die
of Worms Having descaRted at som
length on its merits, the boy remarked
''Mother, ! see Luther and the tablf
but where are the worms ~
The chief result OF having the stFet
lamp lighted these summer evening
is that some of our young men VIII
hang over the peoples front gate nigh
ara raftfnU ornSa. auaI fhav ar