National Republican., 1876-02-12
A SQJOURN At The BAR.
A STORY FROM THE JAlLER BOY
HOW He fsUBDUED A PIOUs FRAUD
HIS GALLANT IX,LOlf WELL RECEIVED
A LIVELY MAN FROM OLD YAzOO
He PATENTS A NEGRO PULvERIzH
A MAN WHO MEETS A PROCESSION

A MAN WHO MEETS A PROCESSION
Marcus came into the station yesterday eating
fine, plump apple, looking as bright and happy
as q singing robin in spring-time. Nobody ex.
pected to see him looking so fresh and we'll after
his desperate encounter with the pious fraud last
Friday; SO he had to answer great many ques-
tions and to explain the whole affair to the boys,
before the examination Of prisoners commenced.
He related the following story after he had picked
the appleLseeds from his mouth and snapped them
with great precision into the hsbitaton of little
spider on the ceiling:
HIS STORY.
'Boys, that old man Spinner was the toughest Gus
toner ever entertained. have been in this busi-
nets now going on ten years, and have taken large
mature thieves by their coat collars and twisted
them hither and thither, as occasion required. 1
have had bad girls attempt to resist the formida-
Bile arm of the law by endeavoring to pluck my
eyes out one by one. have had small boys under
the sentence Of the law kick my vest loose and
and drunken men ana women and canal-boat
drivers and ally anti men resist me with all the
force a1d at OI PEI" O GG never
attention and muscle as did that man Spinner.
You saw me when dragged him into the dark
saw, wasn't it? Wen. it is best that such
was the case, for l always like to be alone
when have a large enterprise like that on
tates OF my own conscience, SO that when /
knock an obstinate man down, can step on him
or sit down On him or do anything of that
nature without being interrupted by lockers on.
1t always detracts from the fun whenever there
is an audience about, and besides has deroga-
tory effect on the prisoner. Spinner declared he
would not go below and your humble servant de-
clared that he must, aud of course he went.
very seldom push a man down a whole flight of
a / made aYcantf0n
this case, and when picked Spinner up at the foot
OF the staircase he wasn't looking as well as when
allowed himself to bo bumped when he struck
below, and to be bumped after falling twenty
feet is quite serious matter. He looked
very bad and somewhat tired, but he insisted
on finding something large enough to drive
me into the ground with; but really, boys,
l couldn't afford him the luxury, you know; i
was the neatest, prettiest, quickest and
most commendsble drop 1 have made since
some seven months ago. He went down not ex.
actly like quarry slave scourged to his dungeon,
but more after the style of boy falling out OF an
apple tree, and he stayed there. After looking
at him for a moment and thinking how far he was
from being President or anything great like that,
1 said, Mr.: Spinner, how's your spine:' 1t was
o sad look he gave me, q ssrt Of green and yellow
melancholy gaze. but he appeared too full for
utterance. Said again, William Spinner, esq,
are you aware that you reclineth no. on couch
OF feaihery down nOr on bed Of roses?' never
could bear to have man look cross eyed at me,
particularly when 1 am doing my best to enter.
tain him. didn't really want to KIN, bat said,
Spinner, are you prepared to die?' He imme-
diately sat upon his elbow, and opened CONVEX
sation M at on once. said he; e. Marcus, boy; cave
of any of my guests. When they cave that SET
ties It. But when they don't cave then l always
feel my duty settle sm and a., hs
BILE. VIM. Spinner, esq, is now my fast friend,
and when he gets out OF the work-house we talk
some Of going oyer to Macedonia to spend our
lives among the distressed heather Of that be-
pighted land. Spinner says 'his wife can collect
funds enough in thirty days to get two round trip
the boys with one accord, gave three cheers for
Marcus, and sang:
Let US not stand idly waiting
For some greater work to 90,
But beg enough for a round-trip ticket
Enough for Mark and Spinner, too;
And let them fly to Cannibal vineyards,
For they II not fear to do or dare;
Oh. If you want lively man eater,
Who will eat you, skin and hair,
You will find him waiting yonder-
You will find him hungry there.
The keeper at the conclusion of the song arose.
and, taking Mark by the hand, said: "Wel done,
thou good and bully boy, enter thou into the calls
below and bring the prisoners up"
While the iailer boy was down among the prs-
oners the keeper took occasion to pass the hat
around, and the result was collection amounting
to two and half dollars. After an unusual
amount Of noise below, consisting OF the clash of
padlocks, the ringing of bolts, the creakiag of
doors, the shuttle Of feet in the basement and on
the staircase, then in the entrance, Marcus ap-
peared with his marihaled host Of the rag-tsg and
bob-tail of low life and high, and saluting the
keeper, said, 'All is WE'LL"
Marcus" !" said the keeper, with an air Of deep
and concentrated thoughtfulness, as he emptied
the coppers, currency, nails toothpicks, cord,
plug tobacco and keys from his hat In confused
pile on the broad deal-table, Marcus, l spread
before you q token Of our heartfelt love- is not
much, but I'll bet ten to one there is not coun-
and invest it judicIousIy. The trouble WITH most
Of our race is that when they get q little money,
they Jump right into the broad road and start on
q double quick down to ruin. Be careful, Marcus.
Think twice before you leap, and be sure you have
a solid landing place when you alight. Don't rush
the market, and make the District S.sS's nervous @
and cause q disturbance in the money circles of
the city, but slip quietly around to the nearest
5 So
may own twenty rows of brick houses, and be
president Of three or four life insurance compa-
on style and spruce up? People will never know
what you are worth. But Just you hitch big,
robust $50 diamond to your shirt bosom-one
In the day-and then stroll around and be o man
among men, and see how quick they will chalk
you.n And when the ccppers Jingled as they fell
into the jailer boys pocket, those present broke
forth in passionate music with
sob, bury your treasures deep, my boy;
oh, bury them safe and deep;
Oh, buy them In diamond pin,
And see how we'll they'll keep
When the music Of the anthem had passed
away in the soft and gentle sound OF dying echoes
aIsss tSst Pepg ms teo n dr ana re- re-
begged the unanimous consent Of all present for
q postponement OF his acknowledgment OF the
his breakfast had settled" But one man dis.
sented,. and he was transferred TO the outside of
the building BY the way Of the windows. taking
portion Of the sash with him, and leaving as
memento of the occasion several bits of his cloth.
ing cIipging TO the ragged edges OF the frame.
The regular order of business was then opened.
PATENT FERTILIZER.
"What is your maiden manner" inquired the
keeper of a man who looked all the way from the
life had lost its many charms and his claims on
futurity were not Of the most satisfactory char.
"You needn't think I'm a woman suffrage
convention" returned the man, with an injured
air. II am Jackson Jinks, from Yazoo, MIssis-
HGo, ho! ! You are from Yazoo, hey?" said the
keeper. "Why, how do you do, Jackson Jinks.
esq, from Yazoo? am as glad to see you as
scalp: p:locks, Jinks?" And then the keeper ad.
justed his glasses and looked the man over.
"Niggers' wool do yer mean?" said the Missis.
':Yes; the fOrelock of scipIo Africarus, or any
what! don't scalp your colored victims?"
"No; II don't pay. Mako more money plantin'
Of 'em. One bigger judiciously planted will
any other fertilizer, and that is more n they come
to alive"
"WelI, now, let's see about that" said the
keeper, phflosophically. "How many kernels
are there on one ear Of corn?"
About one hundred and sixty"
"How many ears in q bushel?"
About two hundred and fifty"
"And you raise ten bushels from one nigger?"
"Yes.n
Then 6ox25oxle is one hundred and fifty thou.
sand bushels for every niggec iuiiciously
planted?"
"Jes so."