The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-11-10
MISCELLANEOUS.
Pork is cheap so is hair oil.

get chaps on their lips.
A Hartford negro's feat is to drive nails
into wood with his forehead
No money is better spent than that
which is laid out for domestic comfort.
A French proverb runs, tell me whom
you love, and I'll tell you what you are"
When is = candle like tombstone !?
when it is put up for a late husband.
The darkest scene we ever saw, was :;
darkey in dark cellar hunting for a black
cat.
When a man turns a hand spring owe,
rocking chair, he inwardly swears al
his wife.
Her face is a garden of flowers, is the
title Of new song, but flowers is evidently
misprint for flour.
"If there's no moonlight, will you meet
me by gaSlight, dearest Juliana ? :, No,
Augustus, I won't. I'm no gas metre"
If man would find out how many
men take stock in him, let him draw 8
draft on himself and try to get it cashed.
The magician who astonished his audi
enee by changing canary bird into rab-
it, has a formidable rival in the man VIII.
turned a bushel of potatoes into a barre .
It pleases a woman to see a man hold
plate Of refreshments upon his knee at {
party. He can't do it without turning hi:
toes.
A Cincinnati swell told his tailor tha
lie wouldn't pay for that last epilepsy" l.
was discovered that he meant bad fit"
Reflection is flower ofthe mind, giving
out wholesome fragrance but reverie is
the same flower, when rank and running
to seed.
Take out policy is the fashionable ex
preston at present, where previously when
one man was attempting to talk another
ore to death.
Brother, shy didn' you ask the stran
ger to pray Z Because" reprovingly OBJ
served the deacon. :. this amt no place fol
ialses. Thas.nlalls q eanaiaats
4 girl having rebuked her brother Fl
using the term sweat, the latter bitterl.s
remarked, when it's horse, he IS sWeaty
When it's man, perspire is the word; but
when its young lady like you, she onl
CLOVIS
When / was young, had thoughts o
marrying, and began to look for a wift
that all women would speak well of; but
never found her. / have wasted my time
Chinese Trorerbs.
I take it for granted that the natural
not the acquired, man is the companion
Learning, wit, gallantry, and good breed
ing are all but subordinate qualities in SO
ciety, and are of no value, but as they ars
subseryient to benevoleuce, and tend to =
certain manner Of being or appearing
equal to the rest Of the company.
A Prussian general was inspecting some
military stables. "What.do I see here,
he said, in tones Of thunder to the Serg
cant, "cobwxbs 2" " Yes. sir, was the
respectful reply; we keep them here tc
catch the flies and prevent their teasing
the horses
A lad who borrowed dictionary to reac
returned it after he got through, with tht
remark: It was very nice reading, bu
somehow it changed the subject very Of
EN-" It was his sister who thought tn,
first ieecream she tasted was little touch
ed with frost
Il wish, says shrewd thinker, that
had ingenuity enough to steal without be
ing caught, because reputation and respec
in the world are pleasant things to secure
It is said that the human breath poison
the air, and that the trees have to keep
pure by sucking the poison out. It seem
that a great many people are put into th'
world for nothing but to make hard worl
for the trees.
Sentencing criminal to be hanged, :
Missouri Judge recently delivered himse!
Of this considerate reflection: If guilt,
YOU deserve the fate which awaits you;
innocent, ii will be qualification to yo'
to feel that you were hanged without sucl
crime on your conscience in either cas-
!. Won will be delivered from world Q
care"
A little knowledge leads the mind from
God. Unripe thinkers use their learnin!
to authenticate their doubts while unbe
lief has It's own dogma more peremptor
than the inquisitor's. Patient meditation
brings the scholar back to hunbleness
He learns that the grandest truths appsa
slowly.
J, They attempted to take one Of Barnum'
new giraffes across Rhode Island last week
according to a Boston paper, but just a
;, the animal was on the line it reached owe
and ate up half Of haystack in Connect
cut, and when the farmer came out AM
attacked the Connecticut end, the Massa
! ehusetts end got mad and kicked man i
J, Boston and nearly killed him. Tt create,
J. good deal of excitement at the time i