davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

A PHGNIX deacon toak his son to
church, having heard hard stories about
him, but while the deacon prayed the
son persuaded two of the young sisters to
go riding with him, and they went of
with the old mans horse, leaving him
to find his way home on foot.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

In England they tell how Sankey
walked up to a grenadier, and, taking
him nffectionately by the belt, said,
Young man, likewise am soldier, a
soldier of heaven" "Old 'un," returned
the grenadier, you're long way from
your barracks, anyhow"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

THERE were literally more persons
killed and injured in Massachusetts fifty
years ago through accidents to stag
coaches than there are now through ac-
cidents to railroad trains. Such is the
conclusion of Mr.. Charles Francis Albums
in the February atlantic.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

AN English writer declares laughter 10
be an absurd and uncomfortable habit.
He would have nothing more hearty than
smile. His opinion of the origin OF
laughter is that it resulted from the prac-
tice of tickling babies, which practice
has made it a confirmed habit on The
part of the human race. Such ideas are
laughable.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

LET us not look for all good in the
same man. The strength Of one may be
wanting in another, who, however, will
have compensating excellence. 1t is in.
tend ID ofProvidence that men shall make
up the human fullness by the average of
Il cir powers, and not that each one shall
b. per Get in the possession Of all good
qualities.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

SCENE, butchers stand. Butcher :
" Come, John, be lively now break the
bones in Mr.. Williams's chops and put
Mr.. Smiths ribs in the basket for him /"
John { briskly }: IAN, right, sir; just
as soon as I've sawed of Mrs. Murphy
lep -
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01
G & n L Il n n IAL.
1776 y 1876
PROCLAMATIO
CHICAGO & NORTHWESTERN
RAILWAY.
YgvsIE POPULAR ROUTE own
h AND. ~"'
Passengers for Chicago, Niagara FoIs p..
burgh, Philadelphia, Montreal Ouebna JUS
York, Boston, or any point East, should 'bvw b,w',
their 'uy
TRANSCONTENENT TICIp,r,
Via the Pioneer Route,
-THE-
CHICAGO AND NORTH-WPSrp,,,
II a l. w AY.
= NJ n ~, m
TRANSCONTrNENTAL TICxpr,
Via the Pioneer Route,
CHICAGO AND NORTH WPSrp,,.
II a l. w AY.

THIS is TIL L BEST ROUTEEAsr
Its track is of STEEL RAILS, and or
been made the FASTEST time that bas !, onas nas
been made in this country By tb;s e,er
passengers for points east of Cbicngo Iouto
choice of the following lines from Chicapo".' nave
BY THE PITTSBURG. FORT WAYNE ,,.,.
CHICAGO AND PENNSYLVANA'HN
RAILWAYS.
Q THROUGH TRAINS DAILY. with D.,
man Palace Cars through to Philadoi W W
and New York on each train. ''pnlS
I THROUGH TRAIN, with Pullman p.,.
Cars to Baltimore and Washington. "'1c'
BY THE LAKE SHORE AND MIcurcu
SOUTHERN RAILWAY AMI TdNINNhhNN
TlONS NEW YORK CENTRAL w ",
ERIE RAlLROADS): AM
9 THROUGH TRAINS DAILY, with po,,.,
= Drawing Room and Silver Palace Slco,';1eo %'aeo
Cars through to New York. '7'''Ping
BY THE MICHIGAN CENTRAL. Cp,vn
TRUNK, GREAT WESTERN AMI Nn1tT1np Tbtpp
AND NEW YORK CENTRAL Rail.
- ace Drawing Room and Sleeping Cars ,h1a, al,
to New York, to Niagara Falls, Buffalo Roap
ester or New York City. ''V'H'
BY BALTIMORE AND OHIO RATIRo.n.
y THROUGH TRAINS DAILY. with pnn
man Palace Cars for Newark Zan"sriTmlli' W
Wheeling, Washington and Baltimore wi,b"u,
change. "O"'
This is the SHORTEST, BEST and o,Iu
line running Pullman celebrated PII STRy
SLEEPING CARS AND COACHES. connect. lcn
ing with Union Pacific Railroad at OMAHA
and from the WEST, via Grand Jnnc,;nn'
Marshall Cedar Rapids, Clinton. SterI;ns,
and Dixon, for CHICAGO AND TllE EAS9s
This popular route is unsurpassed for Snooa
Comfort and Safety. The smooth, welIbaI,'
lusted and perfect track of steel rails tbe coi.
cbrated Pullman Palace Sleeping Cnrs tba
perfect Telegraph System of moving train" "O
tho regularity with which they run, the nI,,i''
rable arrangement for running through rar.
to Chicago from all points West, sccprc 10
passengers all the comforts in modern Roilwev
Travelling. No change of Cars, and me- tsJ,
Gus delays ut Ferries.
Passengers will find Tickets via this favort
route at the General Ticket Office of the Con-
tral Pacific Railroad, Sacramento
Tickets for sale in all the Ticket Offices q,
the Central Pacific Railroad.
w. II. STENNErT, Gen. Pas. Agent
MAklIN lltGllITr, Gen Sun.
II. r. STANWOOD, General Agency. 1911
Montgomery street, San Francisco. aurlO.Iy
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

A LITTLE boy told his father he was a
fool. On being reprmanded by his mother,
and required to say he was sorry, he ran
to the insulted parent and exclaimed
papa, me sorry you's fool I"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

A CHICAGO man has not been bothered
by his wife to get worsted for her since
the morning he appeared pleased to do
such an errand, and incidentally spoke
OF The engaging young lady who tended
the worstcd counter.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

A SOUTHERN book binder bound up
eighteen dime novels between Bible cov-
ers, and a preacher carried the book
seven miles under his arm to read some
consoling passages to a dying woman.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

IT is the wife vino has the making Of a
mans home, says an exchange. True,
and now and then she makes his wig wan
too.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

To DANCE well, a man should know
as little as possible of everything else.
lie can balance partners better if his
hair is parted in the middle.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

IT pleases woman TO see man hold
plate Of Refreshments on his knee at a
party. He can't do it without turning in
in his toes.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

A DAsHING young widow writes to
lady fr!enc; " California is splendid
place to marry in, because husbands
never live long |"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

DoN CARLOS has had to 90 back to
Vienna and live with his mother-i in law.
This shows why he fought so desperately
for four years.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01

MR.. JACKSON, of Kansas City, blew
down gun barrel to see if it was loaded.
The Coroner's jury said it was.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-04-01
THE EYES ! THE Eyes!
DIR. E. II. PARDEE,
Oculist and Aul.ist.
A FTER a pRoTRAcrED BLIND.

"A ETER a PRNTRATTED BLIND.
L IA ness of more than five years, Dr. Parlce
has made himself thoroughly and sccntiical-
ly acquainted with all Diseases of the Eve,
and is now practicing with success not sur
passed in the United States.
All operations performed, such rs Strabi'-
mus, or crOSs-eye, Cataract by linear cxtlac-
ton, Depression or a bsorption, ptcrygian, Cr
tlcshy membrane growing over the eye, Eeduc-
tion of Staphyloma, or bullying out Of the eye,
Artificial Pupil, fistula, Lachrymalis, or clos
ing OF the tear pussage, and all dciOrnIitcs Of
the Lids, etc.
Artificial Eyes inserted without the least
pain, and possessing all the movement, and
brllllancy OF the real eye. A larga assortment
constantly on hand and for sale at rtasouabi
prices. The Doctors Eye Bath for th, treat
nlcnt and care Of all neryoas diseases is used
all over this coast
Thankful to those physicians who have sent
HIM eases for operation, he hopes that his UNI
velsal success will warrant . continuation Of
their confidence. His celebrity as an operator
is co-eXtensive with his success, as patients
are presenting themselves, for treatment and
operations, IRON Now York and Boston, almost
monthly. Many patients can he seen at the
Doctors Office daily, in different stages of re-
cOvery.
OFFICE -737 clay Street, Opposite tho
Plaza, San Francisco.
TAKE NOTICE." II Lfor fs NOT 10
be beifsUsd though ne sp. axis The truth.
Reports are in circulation through the upper
country that have retired from Business, that
| hnYe gone to tho Atlantic States, that am
in Europe. &e., &c. TO those interested viii
say that the report has been gotten in circua-
tion for tho furtherance of other parties, VINO
are trying to obtain, illePitimately an eye
practice. The report has been started by an
itinernnt mountebank, and without the least
truth, as am ut my Office daily, and attending
TO about sixty daily patients.
L.. II. PARDEE, OcuIist,
737 Clay Street,
my2j-ly. SAN FRANClSC0
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1876-01-21

Waken, voice Of the Lands Devotioni
Spirit Of freedom. aw aiken all
8ing, We shores, 70 the song OF the Ocean,
Rivers, answer. and mountains, CALI
The golden day has come.
Let every tongue be dumb,
That sounded its malice. OF IN urmured lis fears
She hath won her story;
She wears her glory;
We crown her the Land OF Hundred Years
Out OF darkness and toll and danger
Into the light Of yictory's day,
Help 20 the weak and home % the stranger,
Freedom To all. she hath held her way
Now Europe's orphans rest
Upon her mother breast:
The voices Of Nations are heard In the cheers
That shall cast upon her
New love and honor,
And crown her the Queen Of a Hundred Years.
North and South. we are met as brothers.
East and West, we are welded as one
Right OF each shall secure our mothers;
Child OF each is her faithful sonl
We give thee heart and hand,
Our glorious native Land,
For battle has tried thee and time endears;
We will write thy story,
And keep thy glory
As pure as Of old for thousand Years.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1876-01-21

The great SInday-school at Stock
port, England, is famous everywhere
Its last report shows in its main school
30i teachers and 3,6ll scholars. In
Guiding four branch schools, the total
membership is 424 teachers and 4,702
scholars. Since tins school was founded
1892 teachers and s9,32l scholars have
been enrolled in it, membership. This
surely j. the greatest record in this line.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1876-01-21

Chinese hotels have raised their
rates. and il now costs twenty-five cents
a day TO stop around first-class hotel.
OF course commercial travellers are Civ
en- the usual discount.
The Jasper weekly courier. [volume] (Jasper, Ind.) 1858-1922, 1876-01-21
TUE SONG or 1876.
BY nArARD TAYLOR.

<xesfiral Poem written for the German Centennial
Singers Usioa u Neac York.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23


A wUE's ItEvENaE. a Western
city lives certain married man who
but for his quick temper would be
all that the word gentleman implies.
Unfortunately he occasionally lets
his hot blood run away with his
brains. Not many weeks ago his
wifo had some pretty sharp words,
when he so far forgot himself as to
strike his better half with piece OF
rops which he chanced to have in
his hand. He soon afterward fef
for down town. first telling the SER
want, however, that he would bring
company home with him to dinner.
Dinner hour came round, and SO did
Mr.. b.. with couple OF his most es-
teemed friends. The table was
groaning trder its load of good
things when Mr.. b. ushered bis
guests into the dinning.room but
fancy his surprise on beholding in
the centre of tho table, on huge
plate, a huge piece of ropo neatly
coiled up. With a sickly smile, he
looked first at his guests and then
ut his wife.
"My DEAR" he exclaimed, what ia
the meaning Of this 7"
"Oh, nothing, my DEAR she au-
swered 'only as you gave me rope
for breakfast, thought I would
give you rope for dinner
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
USFEoYITABLE CAPTURE

An USRRoEITABLE CApruRE.-"A
colored man who lives in Dinwiddie
county, not far from this city, was
surprised few mornings ago by the
discovery of a fat fawn fast asleep
near spring on his farm. With a
little caution and activity the prize
was secured, and throwing it over
his sholder, Cuffee started on his
way homeward rejoicing. The fawn
set up q piteous bleating and in O
few minutes the face of affairs was
materially changed by the appear
ance Of formidable buck followed
Fby q doe, and both intent upon
making war, Cuffee bad just time
enough to drop the fawn and reach
q tree when the buck overlook him
aud tore off part Of his coat tail at
a trophy OF his victory. The buck
sentineled the tree faithfully two
hours, at the expiration Of which
time Cuffee descended, with On ap.
petite for breakfast, cured OF al
dreams OF broiled venison steak,
wsuded his way home. .'-Petersburs
| Gay linden appeal.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
The Younu Man in Debt.

The most melancholy of all the af-
fections peculiar to the young male
person who il about to become an
adult is that of being in debt. The
tobacco affection he finds is not suf-
ilcient to make a man of him. lie
must owe somebody. lie must have
debts. If he can once lead his asso-
cates to suppose that some one has
given him credit, his happiness is
complete; aud though he may not
owe q cent, the importance he gains
by bewailing tho rushy mountain of
debt which lie pretends to have in
Cured somewhere is quite tremend''
ous. Ills reputation as spendthriIt
is established when he can mourn his
Indebtedness. In the midst of a
group ef young fellows, dressed ex'
actly like himself, he twirls his fra
gile cane (the instincts OF the pre-
hensible monkey to cling to sticks is
still strong, in its descendants). and
emphasizing his feigned distress
with oaths, declares that his debts
have rendered him utterly miserable.
There are few sadder sights than
this pseudo wretchedness of the
yonng male person of the tobacco af
lection aud tho small cane. Ho will
soon marry, for, love is blind as well
rs idiotic. He may possibly enter
tho matrimonial state owing bar
bill. He will if he can Then in q
few years, there will be no more oI
him
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23

They DIDN'T GET MAaaIED. "a
few days ago Detroit widower, who
was engaged to Detroit widow, each
having two or three children, and
both being well off, determined to
test her love for him and at the same
time discover if she was actuaied by
mercenary motives. as some OF bis
friends had asserted. Ie called ups
on her at tho usual evening hour
and afier awhile remarked
My dear, you know l have two
children, and to-day I bad my life
insurance policy for $4,000 changed
to their sole benefit in case OF my
death.'
"You did quite right, my darling,
she promptly replied. 81 have three
children rs you are aware. AS soon
as we were engaged l had every dol
lars worth Of my property so secured
that they alone can tave tho benefit
fit"
lie looked. rfta rfrf
She looked.
The marriage didn't come OF ut the
time set last week, aud Il may new
sr occur. t.,.,af..r.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
How TO SAVE A CHlLD FROM CT

How To SAVE 4 CHILD FROM CioK
ISa.-I was engaged in drawing
wood from q timber rancho to Aus
tine, Reece river, Nevada. There
was house over the summit from
the above place, where resi- ded two
families belonging to the wood chop
pers, and on arriving In sight Of the
house, q woman cams out and beck
oned me 10 make haste, that some.
thing was wrong. l did 10, and
lust in time. for the other woman
came out holding child apparently
dead. II was black in the face. She
said the child was eating nuts and
got q shell in its throat, and had
choaked and was dying. I immedi.
ately got a piece of board about four
feet long and placed it across the
door sill. She set the child ON one
end I tipped the other, making I
sudden jar, which caused tue shel
to go downward, and gave the child
Immediate relief. No one can imag
inc how overioyed that mother val
for saving her child. ! knew d
several cases in which the process
hss proYed apeeeeaial;:
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
The ninth and last. This was ask

the Jew.
The ninth aud last. This was ask
ed i,
How can five persons divide Eve
eggs 50 that each ono receive Que,
still ono remain in the dish 2
The Inst man must take the dish
with the egg, and he eau let IL lie as
long as he pleases, said the Jew
Aud now II came TO his turu, and
he determined to make q good
sweep. After many preliminary
compliments, he asked, with au air
Of mischievsus friendlinoss
How can man fey Two trout 10
tbrceSpans so that trout may lay in
each pan J
No one could solve this, aud one
after another gave him q 12-kreutzer
picrc..-.And xhc,f tho ninth desired
he should solve the riddle. hc rocked
to aud fro. rolled bis eyes aud shrug-
ged his shoulders.
4 au poor Jew,'.hs said at last. ,
What has that to do with it z
SAID the ro5t. Give US tno answer
You must not take it amiss,' said
The jew, for I am poor jew.
AT last aftct much persuasion and
many promises that they would do
him no harm, he thrust his hand into
his pocket, took his 12-kreiizei
pieces he had won. laid them upon
the tablo aud said L do not know
the answer any more than you. Here
are my 12 krcitzers.
When tho others heard this they
opened their eyes, and said this was
scarcely according TO agreement.
Bnt ~ they could not control their
laughter, and we're gooduaturei and
wealthy men, and as the jew had
helped them to while away the time
from 81. Welt to Schlampi. they let il
pass.-Poughkeepsie Courier.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
Betting on the Election.


They 6NdH F0rfeN diid ray Ihrcc ltnits
The 1mount OF The Bet.
"If any person or persons shall
make any bet or wager upon the ro
suit Of any election within this com.
monwealth, or shall offer to make
any such bet or wager, either by
verbal proclamation thereof, or by
any written or printed advertise
ment, challenge or invite any person
or persons to make such bet or wa
ger, tipon conviction thereof he or
they shall forfeit and pay three times
tho amonnt 50 bet or offered to be
bet.
ut shall be. the duty of the in
spectors and Judge of tho electious
to reject the votes Of all persons who
they or any of them shall know. or
who shall be proven to have made,
or are in any manner interested in
any. bet or wsgsf..Cn the result of
said election. and on tie requcst Of
any qualified clector said inspectors
and jndge shall receive proof to
show tho person so Offering TO vote
has or has not made any such bet or
wager, or is or is not interested
therein.
II shall he the duty of tho several
constituted authorities having care
and charge of the poor in the rospoc
tive counties, districts, and town.
ships of this commonwealth, know
ing or being informed, under oath,
of any person or persons having
made any bet or wager of any land.
goods, money, or thing of value, on
the result of any election within this
commonwealth, or deposited the
same in the hands of any person
within their respective counties, dis.
tricts or townships, to bring suit in
the name of the Commonwealth of
Pennsylvania, for the use of the poor
Of such county, district or township,
against such depositor or stakeholdc
er, where said bet is deposited iu
tho hands of third party or
against the party winning said bet
when the same is not so deposited
for tho recovery of the amount sc
bet and il on the trial it shall bC
made to appear that said lands
goods, money or thing of valno was
bet on the result of any election
within this comnonwealth, said
guardians. directors or overseers o
tho poor thall be entitled to recover
the amount or value thereof for the
use of the poor, from ssi1 stakehold
er, or person winning said bet where
there is no stakeholder.
Provided, Said suit is brough
within two years from the time o
making such bet. And tho stak @
holder is hereby prohibited during
said time to pay over the amont Sc
bet to either Of the parties, and shal
Dc liable cor the same whether siicl
BET is paid over or delivered to the
parties, or either OF them, or not
and tho party winning shall in lik
manner be liable to the payment OF
the whole amour. 50 bet, where thu
same is received by him.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
Irish Wakes.

The Irish pcasautry have an io-
born taste tor funerals, aud in the
amount of honor done to the depart
cd they lose sight of the actual loss
they hlvc suffered.
Och, sure, thin, it was a fue ber-
rying there was u sight OF peopie e
AM power Of care, 1t Is ~ great a
culosium a. can bc accorded any
man, ani will quite console the sur
vivors. Aud the reverse, Och, thin,
he didn't leave enough as wouli bcr.
ry him dacent ! in fact, they think
far moro of how they are to be bu.
red than Of keeping life itself. The
poorest and most improvideHt lays
by something for his ~ her own wake
and have myself Known cases OF
paupers IN tho hospital wards who
were accumulatlng uodcr their pill
lows a little store TO save the dis.
grace OF u parish cIfiin, that being
the creates, and last misfortune that
could befall them. Douglas Jerrold
was much struck by this phase OF
the Irish character, and it is hc, l
think, who tells an etfectinS story OF a
young girl whom he found in cabs
10 busy at her ncelle. Il SEQ you take
in plain sewing this is sOue bridal
grandeur, he said, taking up what
ooked liko an elaborate night-dress,
'Tls no wedding grandeur replied
the girl proudly. 'Shure it's my own
shroud I; let liie bring what it may,
Place God III have IL dacent wake
In parts of the North Of Ireland
there was at one time, some forty OF
FIFTY years ago, rather romantic
custom, that when u very young
unmarried woman died her coffin
should be carried by young girls on-
ly to the graveyard, AS this was
situated perhaps fifteen or twenty
miles from where she lived, !, follows
ed that the bearers should DO chau-
ged every second mile, and on these
occasions there was generally an es
cort of running volunteers, who in
this way often did their thirty miles
10 the day. This custom was called
shifting the coflin.' aud good man,
marriages were the result OF thes,
excursions but tho idea was never.
'heless pretty aud pas'oral.-TDub'
lin University Magazine.
Faith relies upon the truth o.
what God hath promised, and Hope
waits for the enjoyment of the good
in the promise, but more especially
for the glory which 10 to DO revealed
This hope OF glory is full of rejoic
ing. because everything which Hope
looks at and draws its JOY from de-
peuds on the truth aud faithfalnesl
Of q covenant God. There can b
no failing on his part, and therefor,
lon the believers there can be u,
disappointment -R9naise.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
Poe { ry.
PAUSE.

De The iife.paih bish or low.
Come the seasons, seasons co.
Como the Spring time, robed In green
Comes the Summer. blossom crowned
Cometh Autumn, harvest. queen,
And the Winter. icy.bound.
Ia the uncessiug now.
Pausine at q cooling fount,
Resting fore m untricd mount.
wooin9 strength at healing springs,
Seeking secsad youth In prime,
To the past Of buried things
Sweeps Life's heritage OF Time,
Vanished 10 account.
Natures acts have no recall
Brief tho fears when noblest fall
For the Present. dlieI with life.
Ovsriays the Past and Gone.
And the never-ceasiug strife.
Calling TO Earth's children, On,
Filleth ell In sn. is4l. .....f
Faint like Antaeus, touching Earth.
Hail transition. swift new birth,
Time 10 calling Yet ti's day.
And, though sombre. clear the light,
Natures higher voice obey,
Ere has sunk In endless night
All In time OF worth.
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23

George Garter, of ClearHsld coun-,
", killed . deer on Tuesday week
that. when dressed, weighed 2Ol
pounds. A
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23

nuNmu Our large lifs.liks STEEL EsoHAv.
hlfhV IN mos Of the PRESIDENTIAL jANDi-
sAxs DATns sell rapidly. Send for oircu.
Ala 4 DAY. liar. N. Y. Engraving Co., % Wall
W kWestJ Be1 ~, NJ "
The post. [volume] (Middleburg, Snyder County, Pa.) 1864-1883, 1876-11-23
Shfewd wit Of a low

M 1 . G Q lla M Gus