The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-04-15
A Story of Cannibalism.

The following extravaganza appeared in a
recent number of the St. Louis Republican.
Without doubt there are some people in the
States who will swallow the whole story, absurd
as it is.
A gentleman, who appears to be a perfectly
reliable person, has been in and related the sub
stance of a conversation he recently engaged in
with an intelligent native of the Sandwich ISL
ands, who was converted 10 Christianity some
years ago, and has since acted as a native mis-
sionary. The Sandwich Islander is at present in
this country, on a tour OF Information. lie has
been in San Francisco several times, but never
east of the mountains before, though he speaks
English perfectly, and would scarcely be taken
for a foreigner here, were it not for the dark
color of his face. The gentleman who describes
the conversation with the Sandwich Islander,
gives the substance of it in the latter's own
words, as nearly as possible. Said the newly
civilized man, in the course of Il confidential in
terchange of thought:
\ BRAND sNATCHED FROM THE COOKING RANGE.
"Yes, as you say, civilization is undoubtedly
Il great blessing, and | feel it a great blessing,
and | feel a great deal more respect for myself
since | became u convert and since my people
gave up some of their savage practices. We
never eat the missionaries now, no matter how
low provisions may run, and the last OF the men
who were really entitled to be considered epicures
in missionary meat died some time ago. | re-
gret to say when he died he didn't appear to ap-
preciate all the benefits of Christianity as he
should have done. He was II tough old fellow,
who used to be q kind of under-chief in the old
DAYS, and Just before he died | went around to
see him and try to smooth his pillow, as it were.
He wouldn't accept any consolation, but growled
out that he would like to have one
SQUARE MEAL OF \ THEOLOGICAL STUDENT
Nice and young, before he died, and then he
turned over with his face toward the wall and
passed away. | know it is weak and sinful, but
sometimes, though I'm a missionary myself now,
| do long for a return of those good old times
when it seemed like a kind of providence that
when the fishing was bad and good eating Of any
kind hard to get, a missionary was always sure
to land. Sometimes one would come so poor
that we'd have to stall-feed him on shell-fsii and
things for Il few weeks before he'd be fit for the
table,; but this didn't often happen. We gem
orally disposed of them about as soon as the
bills of fare could be printed and distributed
WHAT CONSTITUTES \ CALL TO THE MINISTRY
\ missionary shouldn't be in too good condi-
ton. | like fat and lean coming in streaks to-
gethcr best, and that was the general taste.
Once, when n very fat missionary arrived, we
had to trot him up and Down the beach hours
every day for a week or two to reduce him to a
condition fit for eating. Some of the connois-
seurs on the Island used to pretend to distinguish
the difference between the taste of preachers of a
different denomination, but L never could myself.
Of course, there is n great difference in the quail
ity of different joints of a missionary-iust as
there is In beef or mutton. Some like a shoulder
of missionary boiled, with caper sauce, and some
always go for a drum-stick, and others like moth
ing better than to nibble away ar a finger broiled.
AS for me, L don't want anything better than a
nice rib-chOp, scorched a little, and brought on
with Il sprig of parsley to give it an air Of neat
ness and freshness.
AN INFANT MARTYR (sTUFFED WITH BREAD CRUMBs).
Once a missionary came out with his wife and
a two-year-old boy. The wife died on the voy-
age, but the missionary and boy reached us all
right. shall never forget how that child tasted!
We baked him whole, stuffed him with the bread
crumbs, onions and things, and no roast pig ever
made such a heavenly dish | have read what
your Mr.. Lamb says of roast pig, and I cannot
but regret that he was not there to taste that
child. He alone could have done justice to the
subject. The dish was talked of for years after
ward by all the epicures on the Island. It's all
vanity now, | know, and as a Christian mis-
sionary | ought never to think of such things,
but | can't always restrain myself. We were
poor, misguided creatures, of course, but those
were halcyon days"