The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-01-29

A Detroter who didn't exactly know how to
get a letter registered, sent some money away the
other day, and he wrote on the envelope: "Regis-
tered with twO-dollar bill inside Fearing
that this mi ght not be strong enough, one of his
friends wrote: '' Ill swear that L saw Jim put
two dollars in this The who fools with
that letter will get into trouble.
There is one thing American which 1tcnyson
much affects and that is the fragrant weed. "he
poet is described by recent interviewer as sal
low-eOmpexioEed, irongray as to his hair, ancient
as to his clothes, AMI much devoted to n short,
black pipe filled with Virginia tobacco. Think
of such a man writing to Maud any other girl
to " come into tho garden" He's Outliyed such
foolishness.
When it was not popular to have
colored people in the Boston churches, colored
woman presented herself for admission to Dr.
Baldwin's church, in that city. An influential
member was greatly opposed to admitting her, and
intimated that he did not know he would
care to go to heaven il it was full of negroes
Up to this time the candidate had not spoken.
She modestly said '' Well, brudder, you go to
hell you find dem dar, too"
An old lady in Ohio lost the companion with
whom she had logged for many years. She neg
lected to mark the spot of his burial by even q
stone. Not long after coming into possession of
small legacy, sister Of the deceased said to her
81 suppose you will now put up stones for
Daniel?'' Her answer settler. ''If the
Lord wants anything of Daniel at the resurrection.
l guess he can find him without gulde-board. F"
Massachusetts, girl left her band-box at a
depot in Nashua, n. H., to be forwarded to her.
When she miles away, the baggage-man
looked at the direction. 1t was occult. 1t was
to be sent this handbook, to " Era Gun. Mass.
Baggage man couldn't make it out. He called
in several Massachusetts, men, but they couldn't
help him. Then in despair, he applied to an old
postOfice clerk, who read it in a minute: layer
Junction, Mass 1t was like conundrum, easy
enough if you only knew.
May it please your honor, this is stupen-
dous question. Its decision by you this day,
will live in judicial history long after you and |
shall have passed from this scene Of earthly glory
and sublunary vanity; when the tower of Pisa
shall be forgotten; when Waterloo and Borodino
shall grow dim in the distant cycles of receding
centuries; when the names OF Eugene, Marl-
borough and Napoleon are no longer remembered;
when the pyramids of the PharaOhs shall have
crumbIed into dust; when the hippopotamus
shall cease to inhabit its native Nile; when
own rock-ribbed territory shall no more grow
three-hundred pound squashes; even then your
ruling upon this demurrer will still survive in
the antique volumes of legal lore as fresh, green
and imperishable as Big Thompson grass-hop
per or Colorado potato-bug."
Talk about women having no voice in politics!
There was " Fanny Lear alias " the Phenix,''
alias Miss Blackford, the beautiful but bad
daughter of the American clergyman, who went
to Russia, turned the head of the nobility, and
became the mistress of the nephew of the Gar.
Having had q quarrel with her imperial lover
she comes to Paris and publishes his love letters
to her, in one of which he speaks of the SueZ
Canal ss the road which our soldiers will some
day follow 10 take India from the English" All
Europe reads Miss Blackford' s book, and among
the rest, Mr.. Disraeli, the Premier OF Great
Britain. He reads the above sentence OF the Rus
sian Prince, works one eye, says - aha J" and
straghtway sends man down TO buy Egypts
canal shares from tue Khediye. Russia is fore
stalled, France furious, England jubilant, all on
account Of the beautiful American and her book.
The Cleveland Leader inquiries: Is there moral
in all this, or not?
HErERoPHEHY-Heteroph is the new pseu-
donym of old Aphasia. People afflicted with
this Greek tangle-tongue are apt to forget what
they wish to say, and say something else.
soupe in q threatre whose sole duty it was TO say
Stand aside and let the coffin pass - exclaimed
in his embarrassment, '' Stand aside and let the
parson cough - 4 more extreme case If not
funnier one is that of the excited messenger who
rashed into the State House when the steamboat
OHUer EKSC0Tth exploded with fatal results, and
yelled to the astonished presiding officer: ''Sster
Neeker and LENDERS of the megismature The
EAUer OILstc0rih has billed her buster" Henry
CLAY also once participated IN funny scene OF
the kind of aphasin which is caused by dithdence.
Passing through Rochester when politics ran high
he was surrouded by committee from the rural
districts wishing to tender their allegiance and
homage s. Mr.. Clay, sirl'' said the red-haired,
raw-b0ned spokesman. ave honor you as the
man who had rather be President than to be right!
clay smiled, the bystanders giggled, and the ora
tor saw he had made mistake. 1" Mr. Clay
he began again, 's Sir, we honor you as the man
who had rather be-be-President than to be
rigbt. !" Yes, yes, yesi'' shouted Clay gayly,
81 know what you mean. Glad to see you
and be was introduced and /" shook all round.