The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-01-21
MARK TWAIN AT NIAGARA FALLS.

Niagara Falls is one of the finest
structures in the world. L have been
visiting this favorite watering-place re-
Gently for the first time and was well
pleased.
A gentleman who was with me said it
was customary TO be disappointed i'll the
falls but that subsequent visits were
sure 10 set that all right. He said it was
so with him. He said that the first time
he went hack fares we're so much higher
than the falls that the falls appeared in
significant. But that is all regulated
now.
The hackmen have been tanned, num-
bered, and placarded, and blackguarded
into subjection to the law, and dosed
with moral principle till they are as meek
as missionaries.
They are divided into two clans now,
the Regulars and the Privateers, and
employ their idle time III warning people
against each other. The regulars are
under the hotel banners and the priva-
teers prowl darkly on neutral ground
and pick of stragglers at half price.
But there are no more outrages and
extortions. That sort of thing cured it.
self. 1t made the falls unpopular 10y
getting into the newspapers, and when
ever a public evil achieves that sort of
success for itself its days are numbered.
1t became apparent that either the
falls had to be discontinued or the hack
men had to subside. They could not
dam the fall, so they did the hackmen.
One can be comfortable and happy there
now.
1 drank up most of the American Falls
before I learned that the waters were not
considered medicinal. Why are people
left III ignorance this way9 l might
have gone on and ruined a tine property,
merely for the want of little informa-
ton.
And yet the sources of information are
not meager at Niagara Falls. You are
something in doubt what you ought to
do, but you are seldom in doubt con-
cerning what you must do. If an infant
can read, that infant is measurably safe
in Niagara.
If you room at the hotel you will find
your course marked out in the most con-
venient way, by means of placards on the
wall like these
"Pull the bell-rope gently, but don't
jerk"
"Bolt your door,"
"Don't scrape matches on the walls or
furniture.
"Turn off your gas when you retire"
"Tie up your dog"
elf you put your boots outside the
door they will be blacked, but the house
will not be responsible for their re-
turn.
This is confusing and tanglesome
proposition, because it moves you TO de-
liberate long and painfully as to whether
it will really be any object to you to have
your boots BACKED unless they are re-
turned.
"Give your key TO the omnibus driver
if you forget and carry it off with you. Z"
Outside the hotel, wherever you wan
der, you are intelligently assisted by the
signs. You cannot come to- grief as long
as you are in your right luind with 80
many instructions to keep track of. For
instance:
"Keep off the grass.
"Don't climb the trees"
"Hands off the vegetables.
"Don't hitch your horses to the shrub
berry"
"visit the Cave of the Winds."
"Have your portrait taken in your
carriage"
Forty per cent. in gold levied on all
peanuts and other Indian curiosities pur-
chased in Canada.
Photographs of the falls taken here. 4"
Visitors will please notify the Su-
perintendent of any neglect on the part
Of employees to charge for commodities. I"
(No inattention of this kind is OBJ
served
"Don't throw stones down there
might be people below" 1.-THE pro-
prietors will not be responsible for par
ties who jump over the falls" More