The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-01-15
VARIETY.

The Albany Argus denies that Albany girl
out walking with her lover, threw snuff in his
eyes while sine could pull up her stocking.
Too CUMnERsoME.-OxlordU University has just
ISSUED - the smallest Bible in the world One
az small as Il three-cent piece would be too cum
bcrsome for some men to carry around.
EvIDENTLY-They have found petrified Nor
mon In Utah. and from the number of dents in
the head, evidently made with poker and fat
iron, it is judged that he had at least thrtythree
wives.
CONPARATIyELY.-'' We cannot all of us be
great, remarked a seedy but benevolent philOso-
pher - Some of us have got to run peanut
stands, or children would grow up comparatively
unaecustOmed to luxuries.''
\ Rochester woman. married to her second
husband recently said to him:
- Oh, how happy poor Charles would be if he
still alive, te see himself replaced by man
agreeable as you are"
To irritate n woman whose mind is of the
strong sort, read to her that if she in Japan
her three principal duties would be |, Obedience
to parents when child. .. Obedience to her
husband when wife. 3. Obedience to her eldest
when widow.
SAD RESULT OF DISAPPOINTED LovE.-The Cam
bridge (FultOn Col Post tells this An ancient
maiden lady up in JOhnstOwn, who was dsap-
pointed In love several years ago. then pledged
herself never 10 cut her nails again. ifer toe
nails now so long that she cannot wear shoes,
go she remains secluded and goes bare!ooted.
Halper's Weekly republishes prophets, pic
turc by Mast, which first appeared in 1872. 1t
represents Tweed going in on one side of Ludlow
street Jail and coming out ut the other. The COM
ing event casts its shadow before, and Mast put
the shadow on paper.
Where the President says - the United States
is the World urges him to say % the United
L Il Il -
little question. What did we fight four years for
# not to decide finally and forever whether this
nation is singular or plural?
Mrs Sage, / should like to know whose ferry
boats these are that tumbled over in the hall ?'
Fcrry-bOats, indeed, sir Those my shoes
Very polite you to call'em ferry-boats - Didn't
say ierry-boats, Mrs. Sage; you misunderstood
me-Fairy boots said, my dear friend
REroRMED.-An Erie canal boat Captain, who
had been reading of Moody and Sankey, deter
mined to live better life and calling his crew
around him, he said ''See here you lying, skull
king, wicked disgraceiul set, you We got TO tend
prayers every morning or I'll lick the whole pile
of you in heap!
-Book-canvasser to Fourth-strcet woman .'Ies:
but the work is both instructive and humorous"
Fourtll-street woman That amt the point.
You see. my husband has crippled 50 many agents,
and you re a nice-lOoking young man and hate
10 see you hurt That's him coming in the back
way" The young man said there was nothing
compulsory about il. and was gone.
ixcouPErENCE-'' Did YOU ever break yoke
of four-year-old steers?' asked Rock County
farmer of n young GAINESVILLE chap, who wanted
to marry his daughter. NoSI never did, !" was
the meek reply - but have rode mule in
circus and had 4 good deal Of other experience
i'm the world - No other experience said the
granger, - could qualify you, young man, for try
ing TO handle that girl and the sad youth de-
parted Mhcdlhee NIcS.
ESCOrRAGING To MoRALISTS.-Just now, when
1t seems as if corruption had death-cutch on
every city in the land, it is good to be able TO say
that Detroit has many honest men. An Ohio
man, feeling that he was getting drunk. entered
a Franklin street saloon yesterday, and loudly IN
auIred, - Is there anShOuest man here who q
take charge of SCI for me - - Yes r' came
from seventeen different men in reply, and it was
in Il place. too, where honesty would not be
looked for Detroit Free Press.
They got up a surprise party the other night on
Il aSoung married couple, ut whose house, in Swan
noodle, similar affair one of the special
successes of the last season. The cOnspiratOrs
met calmy but cordially at the gate byf the hus-
band, who rested on his shotgun, while his beau
tifnI and accomplished wife. whose face and form
were visible inside the porch, said she was very
glad to see them, but she didn't think she could
hold the bulldog back more than inmate
longer
An Atlanta youth, says the Constitution, got
ten up in the latest style, left West Epd car
and tripped across to Il house where little boy
was sitting on the front steps whiting with
new Barlow knife. The boy looked up and said:
"I say, young Ihan, yer don't want ter be
coming around here any more, yer DON'T
-. Why Charlie, what's the matter?''
Cause there's fellar what wears diaIHOnd
bres-pin and rides in his own horse and buggy q
comm here to see Sis now, and fellow like you,
what has ter ride round in q bob-tail street-kyr,
hain't got no show, 'cept to take front scat on
the back fence and watch em fixin' things fur
the weddin'i''
: The young man turned away looking like a