The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-03-30
An Sorts.

| Lying in wait-False scales.
| What keeps Lent longest and best. An
umbrella.
Soft hearts often harden, but soft heads never:
change.
| The man who had a project on foot went to-
| a corn doctor.
II men would set good examples they might
hatch better habits.
} Never break off a match while there Is 2.
chance of getting fire.
Attic Eden trading post the devil was Subtler
I-(Boston Post
| 10 manage men one ought to have sharp,
mind in velvet sheath.
s'Stove-lid currency" is what they bitterly.
call silver dollars in San Francisco
There is nothing very original in money.
| market report. 1t is full of quotations.
Don't ask the Lord to keep your garments
nnspotted." He isn't renovating OLD clothes,
Little boys now say to Daniel Drew, ..sOet
up old baldhead! y aud Uncle Daniel can't
bring on any bears.
When man to whom you lend money saya
he will be indebted to you forever, you may be-
lieve him my boy.
A man can make himself as miserable as he.
needs to be by attempting to correct all Of the.
evils in the world,
A Reading canary bird, trained to sing 80 /.
Strassburg, du wunder-schoene stadt'', was SOLD,
for fifteen dollars. sss
Furious Governor-ssTush, so they have sus-
pended my son, Ell? No dormitory to Harvard
College from me 20
A little gill at school examination in rea,i
ing her piece changed Keats verse inta "A
thing OF beauty is boy forever.
What is the difference between q trumpeter.
and hornet? Why, the trlimpeter is eornet
of horse, and the other is hornet OF course.
A Persian proverb says; There are only.
two days for which to feel anxious. One that
is past, and the other is the day to come.'a
An exchange asks: s'Do failures help any,
body?" They do. They help some persons to
get out of tight place, and others to swear.
s'Remember," said a trading Quaker to his
son, Sin marking thy way through the WORLD
a spoonful Of oil will go.further than quart
Of vinegar"
-''What is q conseiencc?" aske a schonlnts
ter of his class. IAN inward monitor replied
a bright little fellow. sAnd what's mont
tor?" Zone Of the ironclads.''
''Do they ever bark 20 asked old Yrs Dol.
kns, gazing at pair of stuffed sea dogs in the
museum. ''No, num- said E!nathal,, 'not
now. The bark is on the sea-"
A rogue lately advertise that for one dbl
lar he would send to any address handsome
package containing 100 presents. Each pack
age turned out to be a paper OF pins.
II Mr.. Moody is correct in his assertion that
man is a failure, why not give woman a chance
She is ready and willing to buckle on the-ar:
NOR, and hold the fort, even Fort Sill.
81 shall be !'' and 81 might have been.''
The former is the music Of youth, sweet as the
music of silver bell; the latter the plant Of
age, the dirge Of hope, the inscription for q
tomb.
Patriots should tlo all in their power to en-
courage q railroad war this season. that we
may go to the Centennial and back for two
dollars and half.-SI louis Rcpnblican.
Flour is $40 barrel at the Black Hills. but
whiskey is a fancy article. worth its weight in
gold. While the staff OF death remains at this
exhorbitant elevation, no ambitious young man
will a-gold hunting.
The British Medical journal says that per-
sons with light-colored eyes make the most
successful shots, both with the billiard cue and
the rifle. But you couldn't expect u man to
do we'll with black eyo.-N. Y. Herald.
At a little gathering the other evening,
somebody asked Preston (Connecticltl man
if he was fond of opera. He said he was-pas-
sionately. He alwsgs liked that part where
the lady rides around and jumps through the
hoops.
A North Carolina negro thought he could
outrun locomotive the other day on the Air
Line Road, aud when lie picked himself np,
after being thrown twenty feet and landing
on his head, he said: eyer don't ketct dis
yer chile dom dat agin. It's a right smart
wonder didn't tear desc britches clean off,