Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1876-09-02
A Silent Berefsctor.
rROm the Philadelphia Bulletin ]

Mr.. Cooley suffered good deal last winter
from rheumatism in his breast, aud bis wife
was badly frightened about it for fear itshould
end in consumption Cooley could not DO
induced to try any remedy for the trouble.
and Mrs. Cooley was nearly worried 10 death
about II. At last she determined 10 try STRAIT
egy. She made up dry mustard plaster,
aud one night while he was asleep She sew'd
it upon the inside Of bis undershirt 50 that it
would lust about cover tho rheumatic place
Cooley dressed himself in the morning, wholly
unsuspicious Of the presence Of the plaster,
and went down stairs. AZ the breakfast
table. while he was talking to lis wife, ho
suddenly stopped, looked cross-cyed, and
spasm of pain passed over bis face
Then he'o1k up the thFe,d Of the conversation
again and went on. lie was in tie midst Of
au explanation Of the political situation, when
all at once be ceased again, looked red 10 tho
face anl exclaimed
81 wonder what in thc--NJ, il can't he
anything wrong"
Mrs Cooley asked what was the matter,
and Cooley said
"Ob. it's that Internal old rheumatism l.
aain-come back awful But never fctit
exactly the sane way beiore-kiuder siings
me-"
Mrs Cooley said she WAS sorry.
Then Mr. Cooley began again, and was just
showing her how the ravages Of tie grass
hoppcrs in the West last summer aud the po-
tato-bug in the East would effect the political
result next fall by making the people discon-
tented. and 50 be likely to strike at The party
IN power, when be Suddenly dropped the sub
ject, aud, jumping up, said
Thunder and lightning what's that?-
Ouch 0, Moses feels il had shoyclful
Of bot Goals inside my shirt
Must be that rheumatism getting worfe,'
said Mrs Cooley, sympathctically.
90, gracious, no! It's something worso
than rheumatism Feels ike Ere burning into
my kin Ouch Ow-wow-wow. rs awful.
| can't stand it 4 minute believe it's chol-
era, or something, and I'm going to die"
Do try to be calm, Nr. Cooley
Calm How can a man be calm with
volcano boiling over under bis shirt? Geiout
Of the way, quick, while 90 mp Stairs and
undress. MurJer-r-r-r-r, but it hurts. Let
ne 20 out, quick"
Then lie rushed up TO the bedroom anl
stripped of bis clothes. His chest was tho
color Of boiled lobster but be couldn't for
the life Of him tell what wss the matter
+ Then his eyes rested upon something white on
/ bis shirt lie picked up the garment and
examined it. Ten minutes later lie came
slowly down stairs with dry mus,afd-plaster
in lis hand. while thunder clothed his brow.
I Going up 20 Mrs. Cooley, lie shook the plas-
ter under her nose. and said 10 suppressed
voice:
Did you put that thing in ny clothes"
81 did it for the best, John, she said. Il
thought"
"Oh, never mind Nbat you thought. yoa
IDIOT Never mind what you thought! You've
taken the skin clear Of my tosnm 50 that
I'm raw as a sirloin steak, and I'll probably
never lie well again az nlog as live. That
lets yoa cot. You play any more tricks like
that on me. ard III put you 10 the coal-bin
aud keep you there TIL you starye TO death
Now mind me.
Then BE slammed the door and went out
Mr.. Cooley doesn't know to this day exactly
what effect the srasshoppers arc going to have
on the fall electicn.