Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1876-06-01
BY MARK TWAIN.


did not take the temporary edltcrshlp OF
an agricultural paper without mlsglvlngs.
Neither would a andsman take command OF
q SHIN without misgivings. But was III CIR
cumstunccs that made he salary an ob]ect:
The REGULAR editor OF the paper was gong OH
for holiday, and accepted the terms he
offered and took his place.
The sensation Of being at work again was
luxurious, and | wrought all the week with
mil4gging pleasure. We went to press, ana
Iwailel IL day, with some sollcitude, to see
whether MY effort was going to attract any
notice. As left the office towards sundoWn,
!, group of men and boys at the foot of the
stairs dispersed with some impulse, and gave
me- na.sare-vav. and [ heard one Of them
saw. .sThat's him" was naturally pleased
hv this incident The next morning found
a similar group at the foot OF the stair, and
scattering couples and individuals standing
here and there in the street, and over the way,
wptching me with interest.
The group separated and fell back as ap-
preached, and heard man say, LOOK at
his eye." pretended not to observe the no
ticc | was attracting, but secretly | was
pleased with it, and was purposnS to write
an account of it to my aunt. went up the
short flight Of stairs and heard CHEEKY voices
and "a ringing laugh AS | went near the door,
which opened and caught glimpse or two
young rura-loOking men, whose faces
banched and heightened when they saw me,
and then they both plunged through the WIN
dow with great crash. | was surprised.
In about half an hour an old gentleman,
with flowing beard and fine but rather
austere face. entered. and sat down at my in
yitation. He seemed TO have something on
his mind. He took off his hat and set it on
the floor, and got out Of it red silk hand
kerchcf and a copy of our paper.
IIe put the paper on his lap, and while he
polished his spectacles withhis handkerchief,
he said
"Are you the new cdtor?"
"IIave you ever edited an agricultural pa
mo" said I, "this is my first attempt"
Every likely Have you had any expert
cncc in agriculture, practically?'
"No; l believe have not.
sSomc instinct told me So" said the old
gentleman, putting on his spectacles and look
inc over them with asperity, while he folded
his paper into convenient shape. ~ wish
to read you what must have made me have
that instinct. 1t was this editorial: Listen
and see if it was you that wrote 1t:
''Turnips should never be pulled 1t IN
lures them 1t is much better to send boy
up and let him shake the tree
"Now what do you think of that ?-for
really suppose you wrote it.
''Think Of it? Why, think it is good.
think it is sense. have no doubt that every
year millions and millions Of bushels OF tur-
nips are spoiled in this township alone by be-
inc pulled in half-rpe condition, when ifthey
had sent boy up to shake the tree
Shake your grandmother! Turnlps don
grow on trces."
"Oh, they don't don't they? Well, who
said they did? The language was intended to
he tirurstiye. wholly tgurat;ve. Anybody that
knows ANYTHING will know that | meant that
the boy should shake the vine
Then this old person got up and tore his
paper all into small shrcds and stamped on
them and broke several things with his cane
and said did not know aS much as cow
and then went out aud banged the door attel
him, and in short, acted in such way tina,
fancied he was displeaseu about something
But not knowing what the trouble was,
could not be any help to him.
Pretty soon after this a long, cadaverou:
creature, with lanky locks hanging down to
his shoulders and weeks stubble bristllns
from the hills and valleys of his face, dartet
within the door, and halted motionless, will
finger on lip and head and body bent in list
ening attitude No sound was heard. Still
he listened No sound. Then he turned tn
key in the door, and came elaborateiy tpto
ing toward me till he WAS within long reach
ing distance of me, when he stopped, ant
after scanning my face with intense intercs
for while drew folded copy of our pape
from his bosom and said:
"Therc, you wrote that. Read tito m
quick Relieve me- | suffer-
read as follows and as the sentences fel
from my lips | could see the relief come
could see the drawn muscles relax, and tn
anxiety 90 out Of the face, and rest and peac
steal over the features like the merciful moon
light over the desolate landscape:
1.-The guano is fine bird; but great car
is necessary in rearing it. 1t should not b
imported earlier than June or later than Sep
tember In the winter it should be kept in
warm place, where it can hatch out it
young.
sit is evident we are to have q backwa :
season for grain. Therefore it will he we
for the farmer to begin setting ont his corr
stalks, and planting his buckwheat cakes i
July instead of August"
"Concerning the pumpkin ibis berry
faVorite with the natives of the interior c
New England, who prefer it to the goose
berry for the making of fruit cake. and VIII
likewise give it the preference over the rasl
berry for feeding COWS, as being more film
and fully as satisfying. The pumpkin is II
only psculpn. IF the ORANGE family that wi