The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1876-06-08
Lovers by Proxy.

think large nuInDeI VI POlooA, NV "io
never so happy as when they are up 10 |
their necks in matters matrimonial and |
things pertaining thereto. These sympa- |
thetic souls arc firmly convinced that they |
have been born into the world for pro- |
noting marriages and love-making, and |
they are, consequently, continually laying |
traps for the unwary. If you are gentle |
man who has notyet succumbed to the fas- |
cinations of some charming young lady to |
the extent of putting your head through |
the moose of wedlock, you may soon learn !
how very kind these beneficent beings can |
be, and how theoretically they can work
on their behalf OF course it is assumed
that you ought to get married, and that
you would do so if you could only get
the chance This much being taken for
granted, it is considered that it will only
be an act of kindness to hurry you on to
bliss somewhat quicker, indeed, than you
seem inclined to 90. You are told that
YOU ought to do as your dear, charitable
friends DESIRE and it is not very long be-
fore q host of excellent and fascinating
young ladies are picked out for you to
choose from 1t is no strange thing for
you not to know your own mind in refer
ence to the sweet Creatures perhaps, in
deed, you are in such helpless state that
you signally fail to dream or think of any
one in particular. Your good angels
have, therefore, no option but to make
choice for you. Having resolved to do so
it is not very long before they mark out
definite course for themselves to pursue.
They have seen you speak to Miss Brown
and look absent minded as you shook her
hand, and this is regarded as proof con-
elusive that you are in love though as a
,off If foc n0E bod oh ind
because you had suddenly remembered
that your tailor had sent you an imperti-
nent letter, in re a. certain little account,
and that you had forgotten to answer it as
you had intended to do. However, it hav-
ing been settled that you have lost your
heart to Miss Brown, and it having also
been settled that the dear girl only needs
TO be asked to tell you that she is yours
forever, and it having further been de-
cided that the pair of you are eminently
suited for each other, a series of clever
strategic maneuvers are executed. You
and Miss Brown, in the first place, are
taken under the wing of those who are
constituting themselves the presiding
spirits of your destiny. These spirits are
generally feminine ones, and often have
houses of their own and husbands, the
latter of whom they succeed in making
unwilling parties to their plots. One day
you receive an invitation. to visit Mrs.
Matrimony at her house, and to your as
constituent you discover Miss Brown.
This is but the beginning, however. In
due course you find yourself sitting by the
beguiler-quite by accident you innocent
ly imagine-and by and by to you falls
the delightful task of pioneering her to
supper, or of turning over her music as
she sings some love song. Meanwhile
your movements are scrutinized with the
keenest interest, and your conduct excites
no small amount of criticism; you
would, no doubt, be astonished to
learn how guilty and love-stricken
you look. After few moves of
this sort the affair is regarded as settled.
When Mrs. Matrimony takes leave of you
she smiles and smlrks in an awfully pro-
found manner, making believe that she
knows everything, ana could tell great
deal if she only chose to do so. Then she
makes insinuations in the presence of you
and Miss Brown which cause the pair of
you to blush and look uncommonly stu
pid, at which her delight reaches crown
ing pitch. No doubt she will call you
sly dog, and Miss Brown a deep one-at
any rate, by implication-and there is no
doubt, also, that she will more than once
go to the trouble of confidentially inform
ing you what dear, good, virtuOus,
amiable, lady-like girl Miss Brown is,
and what a nice little fortune she will
have. Besides all this, she spreads re-
ports abroad to the effect that it is only a
question of time as to when you will
finally bring the matter to head, and she
does her best to hasten your movements
by lying in wait for you at the churches,
at theaters, at parties, at bazaars, at
soirees, on promenade and in the streets,
with Miss Brown at her heels She would
be very angry with you if she imagined
that you would have the audacity to
choose wife for yourself in spite of her
selection. Of course, you often fall vic
tim to her wiles, but when you do so you
do not choose to think that your wife has
been chosen for you, and that she has,
practically, been courted by proxy-that,
In word, the match has been brought
about by clever schemers in whose hands
you have been as plastic as putty.
Often, however, you do not marry Miss
Brown, but carry into effect your prefer
ence for Miss Green; then there is a
storm in which you suffer. You have
acted very badly, cries one; they never
thought that you could be guilty of such
conduct, say others, and so it comes about
that you are considered black sheep
whom it is dangerous for unsuspecting
and innocent maidens to approach. Per.
haps, in some instances, Miss Brown her.
self thinks that she has been scandalous-
~ ill-used, and that it is shame that the
retributlve hand of justice does not over
take you. You learn in roundabout
way that "young men should not do such
things, if they do not mean something
1t may be that so skillfully have you been
manipulated that you yourself feel more