Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-05-04
Wit and HusAor.

| Wit and Hamsr.
A circular saw-a proverb that goes tho
round of society. Il
The higher classes-the "lore" classes.
The lower classes-the hire" classes.
| What is the difference between crock. |
cry dealer and q cabinet-maker ?-One
sells tea sets, and the other settees.
John Mackay's income is $s00,0 a
month. He lives in this country, and is
not railroad president. He owns a sill
vcr mine. !
A certain woman, never widow, fire.
quently speaks Of her "late husband" be-
cause he never gets home till after mid
night.
A man who offered bail for friend was
asked by the Judge If he had an incun-
brance on his farm. "Oh, yes" SAID he,
my wife,"
The Monitor-"What is conscience: :"
asked school.master. IAN inward moni-
tor" replied a bright little fellow. "And
what is 4 monitor!" Zone of the iron
clads."
Prof Lowell, as illustrating tho humor-
Gus, mentions an advertisement that
caught his eye sometime since: WANTED,
by boy, situation in an cating-hou
He is used to the business"
Out in the Black Hills, when you buy n
bowl of bean soup, you take off your coat
dive for bean, and when you come up
with it the proprietor Of the saloon takes
it away from you. and says you only paid
for the soup.
A Green Bay man, when praised for
having lived with his wife for % years
without cross word between them, dryly
replied: And yet, If she wanted velvet
cloak, and wouldn't get it, she might
poison met"
Mr.. Rentz, the new clothier in Danbury,
has excited public curiosity by having
large apple painted on his sign. When
asked for IN explanation, he quietly In
quired: If it hadn't been for an apple,
where would the ready-made clothing
stores be to-day:"
A lawyer, about to finish bill for costs,
was requested by his client, baker, to
make it as light As possible. "Ah" said
the lawyer, "you might properly enough
say shat to the foreman of your establish.
ment; but that is not the way make my
bread.
! Sand Buffalo lawyer the other day, in
the course Of his plea: "When man
sits down to cat his dinner in the bosom
ofhis family" Here he was interrupted
by his opponent with, "That's curious
proceeding for full grown man.
An old Scotchwoman, whose favorite
son was in the habit ofswearing OCCASION
ally, was ccnsured by her minister for not
correcting him. 'Its vara wrong, minis.
ter" she admitted, "but ye maun aloo that
it sets of conversation NIGHTLY"
Charitv-A lady felt such charity for q
}poor family that she took of her false hair
and sold it for their benefit. Then she
went home and knocked the chairs about
until her husband purchased her switch,
costing twice as much.
Free Smoke-"Will this pipe smoke
free :" asked gentleman who was pur.
chasing pipe. "Of course it will, if you
can get your tobacco for nothing" was
the reply.
| A beggar some time ago applied 70,
aims At the door Of a partisan of the Anti.
mendlcity Society in Edinburgh. Ate,
vainly detailing his manifold SORROWS, he
was peremptorlly dismissed by the mex
orable gentleman. "Go away" said he
Ego; VIC Gamma gle ye naething." "You
might at least" returned the mcndicant
With an air of great dignity aud archnes.
"have refused me dramatically"
! A fond father sent his young hopeful Of
> four into an adjoining room to get book
! The boy came back aud said 1t wasn'>
there. "Yes, it is, my son." said tho faith
er; Its on the table" The boy went bach
and reported again that there was no boob
. there. The father got impatient and sen
another child for the book, and in thu
mean time the mother brought the book
from different room, with the remark
"Here's your book it was on the n,antel
, piece" The gentleman composed hin,
|. self 10 read, and about ten minutes after
ward discovered young hopeful still stand
!. ing by his chair and regarding him inten,
, ~. As he raised his eyes the boy brok'
!. out, solemnly, Father, there's a lib abou
. somewhere; and didn't tell it,"
:. Fa0hion Fripperioa.