Washington standard. [volume] (Olympia, Wash. Territory) 1860-1921, 1876-07-29
FOURTH OF JULY GRAFTON.

sary of American Independence by E
S. McComas, Esq, in the streets O
Union, Union county, Oregon. befor
the Calithumpians, Plug Uglies, Ri
Raps, Observation-Disclosures
bussibi1ity Society, and an immense
concourse of citizens, and visitors from
distance. After the Declaration O
Independence had been read, ant
emusic by the band" had been in
dulged in to the side-splitting editicatior
of the audience, Mr.. McComas came
forward and said in his we'll known
Oregon style:''
Fellow.fellows, Dead Beats, Con
victs and Plugs. The world moves
The corroded pendulum of time sways
back and forth like a negro waitor in q
Chinese hash house. One hundred
years have sluiced the sands of time
through the hour-glass of the unknown
future. Let us pause moment and
cast our eyes back over the dim history
of the past, and learn form the high
tariffed school of experience the grand
lessons that are taught of the future.
Go back with me one hundred years
and view the grand sight that there
meets our gaze. In old Independence
Hall, in the now great city of Philadel-
phia, was assembled the wisdom and
Intelligence of the new nation. Their
corns had been trod on by the British
lion until the case had become chronic,
and Prof. Jackson could not he en-
ployed for love nor money. What was
to be done? John Hancock was there
with his sore toe; and Charles Carroll
of Carrollton, the illustrious progenitor
of Thomas Carroll of Grande Ronde,
was afflicted with a bunion; corn was
worth only two bits q bushel, and a
heavy duty ON tea made it Terrible
scarce. The emancipation proclama-
ton of 1776 went forth, and the bald
headed eagle bird of American liberty,
that had hardly dared chirp louder than
a spring chicken, scared aloft on the
wings of the wind, DER the capped
summit of the Rocky range, and there
the glad tidings that hence
forth he was his own boss and could do
just as he pleased.
Fellow convicts, you may take doz-
en- of the largest sized horoscopes and
O cart-load Of the smallest sized micro
scopes, and bile 'em down intoshe con-
centrated quintessence of lilliputian
spy-glass and sweep with your moral
vision the horizontal horizon of dozen
hemispheres, from the frozen zone to
tho tropic of unicorn or the GTecian
archipelago, and where will you find
that can boast of as many bald
headed men, dried-up grass widows or
for office? Echo answers
where And I'm ready to drink with
the son of saw-buck that disputes the
Look at the American eagle and then
look at me, and tell me if you can find
0 climate that will produce more bunch
grass and stray cattle to eat it than
Graude Ronde valley?
Square yourselves on the sheep ques-
ton and tell me where you can produce
more wool to the square acre of sheep |
Why, we can raise wool enough to buy
cotton enough to make shirt and night
zap for every male inhabitant on this
celestial sphere, including petticoats
'or females and jumper jacket for Hi
Birney. Wee raise enough politicians
70 ruin any country and raise sod-corn
enough to ruin every one of them. That's
what kind of clothes-pins we are. If any
person talks about the mother country
n this centennial year of our nations
greatness spot him on the snoot. Look
It the Cyladelphia Pentennial; look at
he city of the Union; look at the Amer
can eagle and then look at me. When
he stars and stripes were no bigger than
. dambana handkerchief, and the Amer
can eagle had nary quill except a few
and could not crow louder
han a bantam rooster with the brown
skeeters, we salivated the British lion
till he hadn't nary tooth in his
head, except his toe nails. And now,
n the present ammo dominicker, we
out-run their horses, ,out-sail their yachts,
pick their locks, beat them in playing
chess, send Schenck to skunk 'em on
poker, and belt their pugilists over like
without getting belted in re-
turn. Dye hear me. If they send
,ut alligators to make discoveries they
get lost in the fog and can't discover
until we send Kane or Stan
ey after them. Do you suppose if Sir
John Franklin had been q quill of the
Dald-headed bird of American Inde-
he would have stayed up in
hem cold regions, shivering himself
nto sinking chill until the parent
item came after him? No, Iguess not.
He would have climbed the north pole,
creased his trousers with Hucks & Lam
9ert's axle grease, and slid down home
IN the rainbow Or rory borealix. You
oet your gizzard. Look at the great
,eniuses this country has shone up on
;he race track of time. Talk about
Jussuth and Garibaldi. Havn't we pro-
luced Henry Ward Tilden and Theo- ]
lore Elizabeth Beecher, Brigham
Young and Joab Powell? Scarcely, I
.eckon not. Cast your glass-eye over
he crinoline pages Of American histo-
y, and report any damage it may have
received. .t-t.-..., 49,. 81, H.. -
Talk about Joan of Arc, Florence
and Mother Eve; amt we
got Lucy Stone. Jeems Buchanan and
Mrs. Duniway :? .... ,-k17l .q:i
In the year of 1776 how was our Ge-
orious Republic bounded? I'll tell
you. It was bounded on the north by
hat celegrated female, Sara Toga,
L..Al e -. 1.kLn .nun of Vo~I