The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-12-07
Wit and HumOr.

VIII ana HumOrs
THE dumb man is most certain to keep
his word.
The rabbit is timid, but no cook can
make it quail. Graphic.
A MINNESOTA juror addressed a note
to the Judge, in which he styled him al
honorable Jug"
THE best temperance lecturer is a
good salt mackerel. If the man that eats
one don't take water, then he is a hope
less case.
SOME letters of the alphabet seem to
have their own appropriate and distinc-
tive colors, as, for instance, red i, blue
j, green t, etc.
A VIRGINIA CRY New Justice is very
confidential in his courtroom. "Most
men make fools of themselves when
they marry" he remarked the other
morning.
BUTTONS on the feminine dress are
smaller this winter. The old ones, worn
year or two ago, make good quoits--
though some of them are too heavy to
pitch over ten yards.
AN exchange tells us that the girls
now wear
q Red ribbons round their waists,
Red ribbons in their hairs
Red ribbons to their tastes
Pinned to them everywhere"
SCENE on cars between Centennial
grounds and Philadelphia-"S ay, Uncle
Bile, wot rivers this9 IS this ERE the
Hudson9r "Wy, no, Lsrel; you're
turned round, amt ye? This is Penn
sylvany river; they call it the-the
Goosequill."
IRATE subscriber excited and point
ing to an Objectionable article What
does that mean9 Every statement is
false" Editor gazing refectively at
the article in question: -" I shouldn't
wonder if the whole article was typo
graphical error"
"SHAn1 I try homeopath or an allo-
path 2" my dear fellow, it is six of
one and half dozen of the other. The
alIopath kills his patients: the homeo-
path let's his die" "Then will call an
anopath-the poor woman will suffer
less. "-Fremcb Wat.
A LADY paid visit to friend VINO
had lost her husband. 1t was the day
of the funeral. The two converse for
some time about Indifferent subjects,
and the visitor, remarking the distrac-
ton of her friend, cried "What's the
matter, my dear, you seem sad 2"
TOBACCO.
Let not ascetics stigmatize the weed
Which soothes man in his hour of sorest need:
Which to the mind can calm and solace bring;
Aud robs our ills of more than half their sting.
Tobacco! Oh thou precious gift to earth
Thou treasure of inestimable worth
Millions to thee in grateful homage turn
An idol all mankind delights to burn.
Mrs. PART1NeroN Qoquitur)-" But
there The Japanese Department. in
fected it thoroughly. 1t suppressed my
highest exhortations. Sich arnistic
brick brick SIGH fans of uni-q de-
signs! Sich vases and gardeners! SIGH
rair articles Of virtue! 1t beggars de-
ception I"
A LITTLE 5-year-old girl had been told
that it was night on the other side of the
world when it was daylight on this. AS
a proof that this astronomical fact had
taken root, she exclaimed, upon rising
the next morning: snow they are just
goin' to bed in China, and che skeeters
are beginning to bite 'em. %
DoBBs Cwho is a jolly old bachelor)
and bright young Lady acquaintance
were bantering each other about mar
riage. "Ohr" said she, ''youn be
married one of these days, know /; and
you'd have me now if I would wait for
you" 'sYou'd have to wait until my
second childhood, then," said Dobbs.
swell, shouldn't have very long to
wait, was che quick repartee from the
lady.
THEY were giving "Pique" at thea
ter on Saturday afternoon, lately. Two
young ladies', living at a distance, hay
ing to take the train at an early hour,
were obliged to leave before the repre-
sentation was finished. Selecting, as
they thought. very quiet time in the
play, they were passing down the aisle,
when an actor suddenly appeared on the
stage, and, repeating part of his role,
exclaimed "aThere they go; the only
two women I ever loved. One I
couldn't have, and the other can't get.
Boston Globe.
Men of the Republic!
Now that the smoke of battle has