Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1876-08-10
OUR JOKER.

tents of a six.shooter.
The early risers nowadays are
the thermometer and the house-hy.
The extreme height of misery is
a small boy with new pairs of boots
and no mud puddle.
-Soliloquy by a tippler-The pub
lie always notices you when yon
have been drinking, and never when
you are thirsty.
Mr.. Evafts spoke in his Grafton
yesterday of "0ur debts TO the men
of 1875" Ali would that all our
debts were TO the men Of 1776.-1ur.
ner Falls Reporter.
A person who was seLt to prison
fo- marrying two wives, excused
himself by saying that when he had
one she fought him, but when he got
two they fought each other.
-"Mrs. Spinks." observed board.
or to his landlady, "the equal ADJUST
ment of this establishedment could
be more safely secured if there was
less hair in the hash and more in the
mattresses"
--"pd like you to help 4ae little,"
said tramp, poking his head into a
country store. why don't you
help yourself" said the proprietor,
angrily. "rhank you, WILL" said
the tramp, as he picked up bottle
of whiskoy and two loaves of bread
and disappeared.
"A brave young man in neigh
boring town got periodically intox-
icated the other night, and while in
that condition. resolved to avenge
Clusters death-and next morning
not one sound wooden Indian could
be found in the town.
An Irishman in Iowa was bitten
by rattleshake, but the liberal use
of a neighbours whiskey cured him.
The next day he was seen walking
slowly on the prairie, and looking
earnestly for something. He was
asked what be was looking for, "For
the boite of snake" was the reply.
During the session of county
court in the interior, witness was
asked if he was not husbandman,
when he cody replied. amidst tho
laughter OF the court, mo. sir Use
not married"
If there is any body undor tho
canister Of heaven that | have in ut
ter excrescence," says Mrs. Parting
ton, cit is tho slanderer, going about
like boy constructor circulating his
calomcl upon honest folks"
Two young ladies of La Crosse
were standing by ditch thirteen
feet wide, which they didu't know
how to cross, whom their escort said
ssnukes |" and they cleared il nj a
bound.
1t want a loaded Onondago
preacher who recently sad: "Br,z-
zern szoasier for oGmml', hio, tgo
srough ze kneo of OF an idcl, IAN Iur,
hic, rich man to live pczab!y. hic,
wiz hiz muzzar-in-Aw."
The chief difference between the
new style of shoe and the old style of
boy seems to be that one has to be
strapped in front while the other has
to be strapped behind.
A man was run over 3y an OK
cart ia Wilmington, Del, and had
the driver of tho team brought before
Justice. Jnslice dismissed tho
case, it being common law that
any man slow enough TO be run over
by an OK team is too slow to sue.
Mr.. Blivcns, an old bachelor who
is much absorbed in politics, visited
the widow Graham the other day,
and asked her what she thought OF o
third term. Now the widow has
been twice married, and in response
to the question, she made rush for
the ast0unded Mr.. Blivens, and taxi
ing him tightly in her arms, exclairn-
ed, sob you dear dear man What
a happy woman | am |" At last ac-
counts Mr.. b. had locked himself in
his woodhouse and was endeavoring
to explain things to the widow
through the keyholc.
A gentleman afflicted with an i'm
pediment in his speech took dinner
at tavern, aud calling to a waiter
addressed him thus: "We-w-waiter,
gi-give me me s-s-some r-r-roast
b.b.beef." The waiter stammercd
out in reply "W-w-we IA amt g.g-
got any" At which the gentleman,
highly enraged, supposing tho SER
want was hooking him, sprang from
his seat and was proceeding to knock
him down, when third person ar
rested his arm and cried to him not
to strike, saying: Gle st-st-stutters
SESAME as w-We d-d-dol"