The Morning herald., 1876-05-27
THEIrINERANT CORN DOCTOR.

THE ITINERANT CORN DOCTOR.
At this season Of the year all those pro-
fessional gentlemen who from lack Of
means, are peripatetic travellers, fron city
to city with case of instruments in their
pockets to be used in the performance OF
surgical duties, such as removing warts,
Strengthening cross eyes, ,and rendering bow
legs perpendicular, make their appearance,
and in fact, there is nothing in the science
Of surgery or in n,ateria nedica that they do
notprofess knowledge of. But the greatest
philosopher Of them all is the itinerant
corn doctor. He dilates to the afflicted
biped in whom he expects to find field of
corns 10 operate upon, the horror of being
tortured with these hard substances upon
the feet. He exhibits six ounces of cal
lous flesh which was taken by him from
the foot Of the President, after his walk
through the Centennial buildings, while
he arranges carefully in a row variety of
corns that are remarkable for size, and
upon which the expected patient is to gaze
and reflect what tie pets upon his toes
will mature to, if he does avail himself Of
the skill of this chiropodist. His opera
tions are always painless, and he removes
the Objectionable result of tight boots and
later day fashions without shedding one
drop of human blood, which if Shylock
had but known, he would have learned the
means from corn doctor, and been
revenged upon the merchant of We
nice. But perhaps the corn doctor was
not so well advanced in his profession then
a. he is stated to be now. After the per-
suasive eloquense Of histongue has secured
a patient, the physician of corns, bunions,
and dirty toe-nails, draws forth from its
hiding place, with degree of formality
that would do credit to the master of cere-
monies in a grand musical concert, his
case of instruments, that are spread cat in
repulsive array to the vision. A razor OF
two, horse doctors lancet and bottle Of
arnica makes up the list. The barred foot
which the doctor always declares the pref
tiest he ever saw, whethera number ten o.
number two is elevated on chair, anc
the doctor commences diligently at hi
task. You are persuaded that it is painless
and you dare not emit any ont cry, or vor
will be pronounced coward by the large
concourse of curious spectators who stanl
around to witness the operation, and the
corn is dragged roots and all from its fast
=. ening, while the doctor with tongue a.
sNpery as oil itself explains to your de.
lighted comprehension in jifty that il
Was case more aggravated than any ht
had ever seen, it is wonder the patient
could wear shoe at all it might ihay.
necessitated the amputation of the toe. and
, hs asks that he may retain it to place
among his museum Of corns which
he intends to exhibit at the great
Centennial Exhibition, but you pre-.
fer to keep it for private exhibition, and
deny the doctor the boon. He praises
your fortitude, and declares it the greatest
exhibition he ever witnessed, as he shapes
the dollar fee to the size of the compart.
ments Of a very attenuated looking pocket.
book. Then, and only then, is the full
repertoire of the doctors powers shown
He inquiries if any of the family are
troubled with warts, itch or carbuncles
If they have any old clocks that need re.
pairing, he can repair them as we'll as he
can repair feet, and if any Of the horses
are troubled with sickness, he can bleed
them without danger to the animals
health. If any of the dogs are troubled
with distemper, he can put them in a
healthy state in very short while, or il
any of the young ladies are desirous O
knowing their future husbands, he viii
give description Of them, and send
photograph by mail. And then
! ~ be pockets his case of instruments he in.
forms vou that he ! be pleased to see
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