, 1876-09-03
TIE HAY-EEVER CLUB.

women would purify the politics.
THE HAY-FEVER CLUB.
The tendency Of human kind to aggregate
itself is notorious. Given certain number
Of human beings, having certain foible,
weakness, or hobby, and Immediately they
gather about common centre and stick to it
like iron filings to q magnet. There are
clubs for the collection of bugs and catching
of fish; clubs for the sailing Of yachts and
playing of croquet; kennel clubs for the
training Of dogs, and rodent clubs for the
hunting of rats; literary clubs for the con
sumption of CHAucER and cheese, and dra-
matte clubs for the destruction Of Bier und
Brod; undertakars' clubs for hearsing, and
musical clubs for rehe2rsing; Clubs Of gush-
ing young creatures for social enjoyment,
and clubs OF other young creatures for social
misery; fat mems clubs and lean mems
clubs; clubs for hunting, target-shooting,
baseball playing, whisky y-drinking, faro
banking, church, furnishing, scandal-monger-
ing, euchre-playing, and so on ad i.fnitun.
These clubs hitherto have been devoted os4
tensibly to purposes Of entertainment, the
idea being that an aggregation of human
beings can extract more comfort out Of
hobby than the individual Hereafter, how
ever, we may expect the speedy formation Of
clubs for purposes Of mutual sympathy and
lamentation, bright example having been
set in tho organization of the Hay-Fever
Club.
The credit of this novel association seems
to be duo to the Rev. HENRY WARD bt9GmR,
who, sitting in his cave of gloom and even
wishing that he were dead, wiping his weep
ing eyes and blowing his itching nose,
fancied that his individual discomfort might
bo materially lessened by contemplating an
aggregation Of red noses and watery eyes
The basis of his thsory is undoubtedly cor
rect. There is solid comfort when you are
in ahaiction in knowing that your neghbor is
afflicted also. # your house burns down,
you feel less sorrow provided your neigh
boris house burns down also, and, if the whole
block lies in ashes, there is certain
amount Of actual condagatory comfort
about it. Rheumatic old ladies suffer
less if they can have other rheumatic
old ladies with whom to compare aches
and pains. Actuated by some such feeling
as this, Mr.. BEECHER has collected all his
wheeling and sneezing friends, and extended
also an invitation to all others whose noses
blaze like beacons what time the farmer
gathers the fragrant hay into his lofts, and
banded them together into common aggre-
gation Of human misery. The programme is
substantially as follows: When the Rose
cold commences its ravage upon the col
lective nose, the Club packs its trunks.
When the July cold sets in, the Club gathers
its families about it, takes a weeping good
by, mounts the stage-coach, blows its aggre-
gate nose at each village it passes, thereby
obyiating the expense Of the ordinary horn
blower, and arrives at Bethlehem, where it
settles down to the serious business of enjoy
ing the autumnal catarrh, which appears to
be the climax of this favorite but
aristocratic disease. The hay-fever is none
of your vulgar diseases like smallpox
or measles. Like the gout, it is fastidious,
and selects for its development the aris-
tocratic noses Of eminent preachers, gifted
INV H1GIb, 1AuSul4 1aAlEo HAU tOI1 HUI, 11A6 us
lily, and opulent ex-Quartermasters. The
sons of toll never have it. 1t passes them by
like the idle wind. Bethlehem is the head
quarters Of the Eastern Hay-Fever Club
Mackinac of the Western but on stated occa-
sions East and West clasp hands and blow
poses together across the catarrhal chasm.
Hitherto the peaceful villagers Of Bethlehem
have passed their summers in delightful re-
pose, enjoying the otinm cum Dig Of rural
life, the songs of the birds, the lowing Of
kline, the fragrant breath Of the clover aud
timothy, and the bland and balmY breezes
TINT blow from its mountain altitude but,
since the advent Of the Hay Fever Club, the
Arcadian dream has vanished, dissipated By
the blowing OF hundreds and thou
sands of sonorous noses BEEoHER, with |
streaming eyes, trnverses its grass
grown streets, wishing better man
were in his place. GRANT GooDR1cH, waving
bis new bandanpa answers the salute of the |
morning cock with blast from his sonorous
nose. All day long watery, itching men and
women go about the streets wheeling, sneez-
ing, rubbing, scratching, snd weeping, and
at night no sound breaks upon the stiffness
except responsive snorts from rubicund pro-
bosces, whose owners lie weeping the weary
hours away