Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-05-06
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FACETIE.

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Now doth the little onion
Poke up Its little head,
And the restless little radlsh
Stretch in his little bed.
The sun fish and the minnow
Wsg their shiny little tails,
While the chip hunks and the roDln
Adorn the fences rails.
The blossom by the hedge-side
- And on the lOafer's nose
Tell of the coming spring-time
And blooming of the rose.
An Incorporate printer is a typograph-
zeal err-er.
The latest in the form,of a parting sal
utot,on: s.Well uf l don't see you agln,
hello"
..How to make home happy" Some
men do it by staying at home, some
by going away. 81
If "charity covers multitude ofsins,"
how many acres would it take to MAKE
cloak for Grants administration?
When a loafer enters the sanctum OF
a busy editor, and the editor says, t'Giad
to see you're back," what does he mean +!
..It is hard to raise an umbrella in a
high wind" But some persons una IL
much harder to @raise the wind" Than
an umbrella.
A few DAYS ago a jury in the Western
wilds cave the following verdict in the
case of a suicide: "We findthe deceased
was a fool"
..Work for fourteen shillings per day ?"
echoed an Indiana tramp; 1.-The next
thing you'll be offering me an cid pair
of calfskin beots!"
GLOW one thing brings up another"
said a lady, absorbed in pleasing retros,
pection. Eyes," replied the practical
hobbs. can emetic, for instance"
A lady asked an uptown gentleman,
who was suffering from influenza, my
dear sir. what do you use for a l
Give handkerchiefs a day. madam"
That was a smart little girl who, in
answer to the catechism's question:
..What is the outward, visible sign OF
form in baptism?" replied: "The baby"
Unlike Charles O'Conner, Mr.. Stewart
followed his doctors directions implicit
ly. Hence he went hence. lie who
fines his pills away will live to die
another day.-[Graphic.
Wanted. at this Office, about tour
bushels of poems on Spring" our
office bOy. who sells the waste paper,
wants to raise money to go to the Cen
tennial opening.--[Vicksburg Herald.
A lady in knoxville, Tenn, has been
very properly adjudged insane eau
she petitioned to have the Valuatlon
placed on her property by the assessor
raised from $500 to $1,000.
..What became of Saul. Jimmy?"'
asked a Sunday school teacher. "killed
hlmself," was the reply. elbow did he
kill himself?' continued the teacher.
allowed his brains out with a revolver, ="
replied Jimmy.
A gallant wag was sitting beside MS
beloved. and being unable to think OF
ANYTHING to say, asked her why she was
like a tailor. 81 den'tknow," she said.
with a pouting lip, ''unless it is because
l am sitting beside a goose"
A woman is imbued with a feeling of
jov and kindness second enly to that OF
the angels, but she can wash out
a pair of mems cashmere pants and have
them set as well as they did before
Tuition Times. No; o as well as they
did behind, either.-[Vicksburg Herald.
: Dean Swifthas found an imitater. An
advocate Of Colmar has left n hundred
thousand francs to the local madhouse. 81
got this money!" says the candid lawyer
in his will, sout of those who pass their
lives in litigation; in bequeathing it for
the use of lunatics 1 only make restitu-
ton"
From London Fun: Ancient Mariner
Ito his younpest) ssWell, if YOU Lii es the
girl why don't you go and tell her so,
Emery. l mind the time-Pd married
YOUR ~mether-ah, and done my six
months for w'oppin' her too-long afore
1 was your age; but lor there amt nc
speret in youth now-a-daysw
of Brvant's bill before the Legislature
To give the ballot to .'thst lovely creature,''
Old Snifers says: 'eIt's violence to nature;
What right has woman, safe from wars alarms,
To cast a ballot when she don't bear arms go
s.For shamei' shouted Mrs. Rurin lofty dud
"For shame! go to, get out, you old cul
What right have you, with all your talk be
wild'rin,'
To cast a ballot when you don't bear children?'
-[Graphic. .frrr-.
He isn't six years old, and he said
another piece of that nice custard pi
YOU llduC uys uCdly > yOu Il W.
full for utteranee now; look at tina
luscious dumping on your plate not hal
eaten.'' s'Oh, well, sister, l know tn
dumping side of my stomach is full
but the custard-pie side feels rathe
empty yet" That other piece of pie j
missing.
Just because Mrs. Joslin found tn
following, written in a delicate feminin
, hand, in Joslin's pocket, he was calle
upon to explain:
You kissed me when you knew twas wroni
For we are neither kith nor kin;
Need one do penance very long
For such u tiny, little sin?
You pressed my hand, that wasn't right I,
Why will men have such wicked ways?
Twas scarcely for a minute quite,
But in it there were days and days.
Yet, after all, Pm not &c blame!
You took the kiss. l do think men
Are quite without the sense of shame.
wonder when you'll come again?
SCOT any silver change about you ?
said Quilp, jingling the contents of h
pocket for the delectation ct a broke
the other day. ''Oh, lots of it," was til
pert reply. elbow do you like the ne
pieces, three of which make a dollar :
continued Quilp. '.Three to Il dollar
queried the broker. sHaven't seer ar
OF that kind. Show us a few" Qui
then produced a half dollar and tv
quarters, and without further parley Il
unwary broker led the way to the nears
sample room and called for 81. and C
for two.-[Boston Post.
+ An American girl was playing GROUP
IN England last summer. "What a ho
rid scratch!" said the Indignantly, VIII
her mallet once failed of its duty and 81
missed her shot. ''Oh, my dear!!" sa
an English cousin, ''yeu should not u
such slang expressions" "What shou
1 have said?" asked the American. ''Y,
might nave said replied the English M
den, after canvassing her vocabula
fora perfectly unexceptionable phra
you might have said, what a beast
fiuke!'"
A record of Esquire Harding's CO,
at Jasper, Rensselaer, county, read