Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-08-30
MIsCELLANY.
Who Not to Marry.

"uO NOJ 70 1Qa1IY.
In the ladies' waiting room at on
of the depots in fiourishing Western
city, might have been seen recently
TWO women; one young and hand
some, the other old and ugly. Th
various trains rushed in and rolled
out, the last passenger train for SOM
hours had departed, but still they sat
these two women.
/ The day faded into night. TIL,
lamps were lighted. The agent wen
home, and the many laborers wen
home. Minutes dragged slowly by
and hours seemed to crawl. The 81
lence remained unbroken in the room
Every few moments the young wo
man look up at the clock. Finally
the old woman broke the silence.
/ Coin, away?"
| One remark led to another, unit
they were chatting quite confidential
~. The old woman said she was GO
to "Shicagey," and told many things
The young woman in turn, became
communicative, and said her lover
was coming in ON the midnight train
and that she was going with him tt
the next station to be married.
"Becn engaged long,"
"Three years },
Your lover in business"
Eyes"
3Railroader?"
"No."
"Well, l am glad on it. Never
marry q railroader. Is he soldier p
"No."
"Well ! am glad ont. Never marry
a soldier. Hotel-keeper?"
"No."
~ am glad ont. Never marry a
hotel-kecper. Travelin' man?"
| "No."
Il am glad ont. Never marry a
travelin' man. Steamboatcr?"
"No."
II am glad ont. Never marry a
steamboater. Dry-Goods man?'
"No."
II am glad ont. Never marry a
counter-jumper. Grocery man 2"
"No."
Il am glad on ii. Never marry a
peanut-vender."
"Who would you marry ?' asked
the young lady.
"Well child, never marry railroa-
der, for he is liable to get killed most
any time. Besides he has such nice
chance to fiirt.
Never marry military man, for
he is liable to 60 to war and get shot
Besides, his gorgeous clothes attracts
the attention of the women.
Never marry hotel-keepcr. NV
first husband was a hotel.keeper, and
fell through the elevator opening and
broke his darncd skull. 1t rifles me
when think of that man.
Never marry travelin' man, for
he's always away from hum. No.
body knows what these men are IN
to when they're away from hum.
Never marry steamboater. MY
second husband was steamboat cap
tain, and got blowed into 1900, 900
pieces, blast him. Ialways git terrible
mad when think of that man.
Never marry dry-goods man.
Dyes in clothes is so Injurious. They
never live half their days.
Never marry q grocer, they have
such dirty hands. My third husband
was grocer, and such hands as he'd
have was 'nuff to sicken body. lie
was killed by molasscs barrel fallin'
onto him. When l think of him I'm
completely disgusted.
Never marry carpenter. Ny
fourth husband was carpenter. and
fell of scafiiold and mashed into a
jelly. May his soul sleep in peace.
Never marry a machinist. NY
fifth husband was a machinist. Iii
never forget the day when he was
brought hum on board. l didn't
recognize him. A belt had come off
q pulley, and hit him plum in the
face, and spreading his nose all over
his countenance. promised him on
his dyin' bed that I'd never marry
another machinist."
just then the train rolled in, and
the cd lady asked.
"Child what business is yonr lover
in ~
Insurance business"
20, mercy you don't mean to mar
ry him! My sixth husband was an
nsurance"
But the young woman had gone to
meet her lover.