The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1876-05-11
A TERRIBLE SCALE RAISER.


What Buffalo Ben Told Some Dry Goods
Clerks about Indians and Zoology.
1t was in a saloon in Chicago. He
was gaunt young man, whose face
hadn't been washed for two months, and
who wore his hair long behind. He was
attired in q slouch hat, buckskin
breeches, red flannel shirt open at the
neck, and a rough coat. He had four
revolvers and big knife in his belt
When four dry goods clerks came in in
group and ordered some beer, the
first dry goods clerk said to the bar
keeper:
"Say, John, who's that fellow over
yonder 2"
"That," said the saloon keeper, drop
ing his voice to an awesffsick whisper,
"that is Buff ler Ben, the Wild Trapper
of the Great Plains. Ask him to drink.
Perhaps he will"
The first dry goods clerk did SO, and
the Wild Trapper replied:
"Wall, stranger, seein' as it's you, [
will just take some fire water. AS I
heerd Old Red Tail say I'd Spotted Cloud,
ITS mighty long time between drinks. ,
Here's to us" and he ingulfed dose of
whisky.
You are," said the first dry goods
clerk, connected with the trapper
business 2"
In the scalp and giizzly line," said
the second dry goods clark.
Your reminiscences of q personal
character, doubt not, would be excit-
ing and interesting" said the third dry
goods clerk.
"Truth is stranger than fiction. Take
something3" said the fourth dry goods
clerk.
"Wall, no." said the trapper; "I
never drink when I'm off the war trail.
1t kinder makes me ugly, yer see, and
I'm apt to dror my cutlery. I killed
seven men that was talking to as
friendly as I mout be to you, but 1 sorter
got riled; wall, gimme some more
whisky"
"Your hand," said one of the dry
goods clerks, has often been stained
with human blood2"
"Stranger, she hev. The fust time
you come up and see me- at my wickiup
in Montana-second lodge on the right
beyond the Yellowstone river, and be
powders three hundred miles this side
ask any Injin, and tell him yer want
to see Buff'ler Ben, and ef he don't
scalp yer he'll show yer the road plum
straight. I'll show yer Old Bulls Eye,
my rife. She's old Kaintuck stock
QiSewise the barreD and is sixteen feet
long, and whenever 1 wipe out white
uan / make a notch on the barrel, and
THERE'S notches all the way up one side
and nine feet down the other. I went
up to see your graveysIds at Cavalry
and Greeceland. They're a good deal
like my private graveyards, more posies
and statutes, and 50 on, though they
amt SO spacious. Now, iist about three
three months ago 1 turned loose in
barroom down to Lafayette, Arkansaw,
and the coroner was kept busy for three
days after attending to seven inquests.
And this was just because durn skunk
stood up at the bar and improved his
mind with my conversation, and never
asked n.e if I would take"--
Here one of the dry goods clerks
caught Buff'ler Ben's eye, and he stam-
mered out an invitation to fill her up
again. Mr.. Buff'ler Ben irrigated him
self, and in reply to a question concern
ing his solution of the Indian question,
said:
"Iniins Wall, no; I never keep
count of tho reds wipe out. used to
when I was young and sort of vain, but
grew out'n it. 1t looked too much
like vanity. L suppose I've not taken
the trouble to lift the har of the last $50
or 200 Indians I've killed. Before that
1 was kinder particular that way, and
took so many scalps that L bust the
Frisco chignon market, and seventeen
dealers in false hair went into bankrupt
cy. Injins is poor trash. Gimme a
whole tribe of 'em, and I'll wipe 'em out
as fast as I can load my revolver and put
it to my shoulder"
Here he paused again and was prompt
ly..refreshed. Then he continued:
81 tell you, boys, if you want to see
the choicest country on the footstool,
jest you go to them ar Black Hills. The
only thing agin the country is the buffa-
loes. They hatch there, and when they
take to flight it's awful to see them in
clouds so thick you can't see the sun,
and when they light they chaw on gar
den sass, and sour apple trees, and corn,
railroad ties, and potatoes, and tele-
graph poles. But theirs gold in the
Black Hills. I've seen it myself. When
you get down to the bedrock you strike
$50 and 800 pieces, and you wash out
eagles and dollars in the streams, and up
in the roots of the grass you find small
scrip and nickels. No nuggets as L know
on, though ] did hear at Shyan of one
worth $165,O0O
Thus, with anecdote and information,
Buffler Ben whiled away the time.
When the four dry goods clerks had set
tied for the drinks, their bill amounting
to $6.S5, he bade them an affectionate
farewell, and made them promise to call
at his tepee if ever they were up in
Montana, When they had gone out,
the barkeeper paid him his twenty per
cent. commission on the drinks sold
through his instrumentality, and told
him to recollect next time that it was
grasshoppers that flew, not buffaloes.
Fire i'm n Theater,