The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-08-25
FACTS AND FANCIEs.
BAYARD TAYLOR is the author of the
following dangerous parody:

She a maiden fair and dapper
He, n d-h1red, stalwaTt trnpper.
| Hunting beaver, mink and skunk,
! In the woodlands OF Squedunk
She, Pawtucket's pensive daughter,
Walked beside the Skuntic water
| Gathering, in her apron wet
| SnakeTOOt, mint and bouncing bet.
"why," he murmured, 10th to leave her,
| Gather YARDS for chls and fever
! When lovyer bold and true
Only waits to gather your"
I fear God, and next TO God / chiefly
fear him who fears Him not.-Sdadi
THE other world is to this like the east
to the west. We can not approach the
one without turning away from the
other.-A6d-eL-Kd -Kdder.
THE bugs that are eating carpets in
the northern states are thought TO come
from the nests of sparrows, which are
said to swarm with them.
THE grave Is, suspect, the sole com
monwealth which attains that dead fiat
of social equality that every principle 80
heartily abhors.-BullOer Lytton.
A YOUNG lady on being asked what
business her lover was in, and not liking
to say the bottled soda, answered, "He's
a practicing fizzician."
BRET HARTE's play, "Two Men of
Sandy Bar" was withdrawn in Chicago
at the end of Il week, and is TO be extern
sively altered before it is again acted.
CLERGYMAN to Tommy" What shall
/ give yeu for a present ?' Tommy,
who respects the cloth, also truth, hest
tatingly-"I-I think | should like
testament, and know | should like a
popgun ~
CYNICAL citizen to waiter, after sur
veying the glass Of milk he had ordered:
81 say waitaw! Would you be so kind
now, me boy, as to put lite NOR milk
in this wattah? Jus a tritle please"
The waiter Tctires to consider whether
the man is drunk or crazy.
"ALPHoNso, dear, what is the differ
ence between our Thanksgiving and those
revolving Turkish provinces" Really
Clementina, | cannot say. What is itW
"Why, you see, here we have turkey in
christians; there they have christians in
Turkey"
A HUNDRED years ago wheny you called
on a girl she kissed you good by. Now
if you suggest anything of the sort her
father calls you into the library and asks
you what you are worth. Arc we a ma
ton? And is this progress ?-Nortoich
Bulletin.
DoBsoN says: at there is one thing
more than another which makes a skepti-
cal mortal believe in eternity and things,
and especially eternity, it is to sit in
church while the minister pegs away on
and listen to n neighboring
sing the doxology," but
then Dobbins always was a little opposed
to protracted meetings.
A PENNSYLVANIA philosopher is of
the opinion that petroleum is the result
Of Goldfish. Yes, Goldfish. These fish
were once plenty in the ocean which COW
cred the place where Pennsylvania now
is. They were caught by certain ava
Ianche of land, and the millions Of decay
ing Goldfish caused the petroleum oil.
This accounts for the saltwater found in
)il wells, being the result of salt Goldfish.
1t also accounts tor the resemblance Of
petroleum to cod liver OIL and the num-
Der of fish stories told of immense for
tunes which were never realized.
ONE hardly ever sees a Yankee with
,ut whip. Not one-tenth of them can
-ead writing, and still fewer can write.
This art belongs, aside from literary men,
to the female sex. The wo-
nen are well educated, and therefore
lnow better than any other matrons in
he world how 10 govern the men. The
nen all want TO be politicians, and love,
therefore,, the taverns and the grog-bOwl,
behind the latter of which they transact
business, drinking from morning till
Iight-BarOa Riedesal, in l776.