The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-03-24
Wit and HumOr.
Would

TAKE something Of your size. Would
you strike matchY
WHEN are eyes not eyess When the
wind makes them water.
A JURY in suicide case lately found
the following verdict "We, the jury,
find that the deceased was fool"
How DID the busy Mrs. BIS
Improve the shining hours,
And Widows mites accrue unto
What might be called left Bowers.
A YOUNG woman in Hoboken threw
snuff into her lovers eyes because he
wouldn't stay till 3 o'clock in the morn
ing when he came to spark her. He
didn't feel sleepy after he got the snuff.
A BRooKLrNE gentleman was directing
an English gardener to put his hedge in
order. His reply was sab yes; you
gest want me to cut the hedge of the
edge"
MoLIERE was asked the reason why,
in certain countries, the king may assume
the crown at IA years of age, and cannot
marry before Is. at is" answered
Molere, "because it is more difficult to
rule wife than kingdom"
A FEW weeks ago in Paris, man with
his wife was witnessing piece, at the
fourth act of which there was O storm.
At the second thunder-clap the wife
pushed her husband, saying, 81 was ex-
pecting this, for L felt the storm in my
limbs all the last week. %
"WHAT is the reason, my DEAR" said
Mrs. Fitzpatrick, "that we who have
understandings equal to the wisest and
greatest of the other sex 80 often make
choice of the silliest fellows for compan-
ions and favorites2" Possibly adds
Waggies) Mrs. Fitz has got the major
proposition wrong.
A YOUNG woman, who appears to be
opposed to girls being taught to sew,
writes as follows to the Woman's Jour
nal: "Some time since gentleman of
Ithaca said, in quite company, 1 mean
to offer prize for the best shirt made by
the lady students of the university
If you do, rejoined impulsively, I
will offer an equal one for the best chem
Use made by male student. 1t is poor
rule that won't work both ways
How many common figurative express
sions in our language are borrowed from
the art of carpentry may be seen in the
following sentence "The lawyer who
filed a bill, shaved a note, cut an &C
quaintance, split hair, made an entry,
got up n case, framed an indictment, i'm
paneled jury, put them into a box,
bailed witness, hammered Judge, and
bored q whole court, all in one day, has
since laid down law and turned carpen-
ter"
SOME of our police officers are bright
specimens. One of them recently
brought in woman charged with the
heinous offense of "sitting down In the
first ward" The Court-Was this in
America = Officer (surprised)- 1t was,
your Honor. The Contributing the
present ceIturya Officer (amazed) -
Yes, your honor. The Court-That's
all; you can step down. The officer does
so, gazing on the justice as if fascinated,
and at last removing his eyes from him
with sigh and significant pantomime,
first tapping his head, and then shaking
it mournfully.
The other day little boy about four
years old was drawing his sled up and
down in front of his mothers house on
Fifth street, when the old lady came to
the door and called out: "Come in
here, boy" "Wait awhile" he an
swered. !" You walk right in here |"
she continued. "First you know some
body will abduct you, and first know
some one will want $4,000 reward to
restore you, and here am, inst re ady
to break my last dollar for taters and
meat p The boy went in---De troit
free Press. hg. r
YESTERDAY when Cass avenue woman
handed her fat-irons over the fence to
her neighbor she looked so cross that
the other woman asked: What's the
you sicka" "No-I'm
mad !" "Heard bad news 2" "No;
the news is good enough, but there's my
boy Henry" eyes. "I got all ready
to whip him this morning, and two ladies'
called. After they had gone / got off
his coat again when the gas meter man
came in and had to stop and have
jaw. Before got hold of Henry again
his father came home and told me not to
whip him at all You don't know how
feel l'-Free Press.