davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12
BUDGET OF FUN.
Quitting in Time.

Going up the street, about 10 o'clock one
night recently, a citizen heard the sounds ol
hddle, a banjo aud Il tamborIne. As be
reared the point from which they proceeded
lie heard footsteps keeping time 10 the musi,
md voice calling out the figures of u cotii
lion. He soon learned 1t was negro wed
ding frolic. Just as he arrived in 'front.' VI
The house q loud, angry voice called out;
Stop dat music immedyatcly!
1t stopped and the dancing suddenly ce"s
cd in the midst of the figure.
whats de nattah, sam: SAID anon
voice; "what do you mean By s!onpih ue
Gance:"
II means jes 'zac,ly what say answered
Sam; pm de boss Oh dis 'casion; oe paho
shan't play no mo-! DIS party shant go on
de balls broke up. Gemmen and iarles' you
can all go home?
What in de name OF sensc Is ue ma'tah
uid dat niggah." was the speech that came
rom all parts of the room. Whats de mat
,ah sam. YOU talk like crazy nggah"'
mo Ise not craZy!'' said the one address
cd, 0Ise gwine TO have q divoce! Ise gwinc
TO have d divccc! OATS what Ise gwne 20
have!'
"Dlvoce! divoce" spoke several voices to-
gether. whats dat niggah thinkin' bout?
lie amt bin married moren two hours, and
low he's talkin' bout gittin' dlvoce. He's
crazy sho.' Iou's crazy, Sam"
81 tell you Isc not crazy" said the latter.
Here Ise bin courtIn' Lucinda for two years,
with honnable intenshuns, and she's bin
maxim me beve she had money; dat she was
rich, and now she tells me she an't got but u
dolla-a dolla. Stop de music, say! Dis
party's broke up. When dis chile marries a
gal for her money, she's got to have moren u
Qolla, or won't live with her & mint; lse
gwlnc to quit in time. What's dolla to u
man wild u famlly?"
Oats more'n you've got anyhow, you
good for muffin, lazy, no.account niggah, you"
mere chmed in Lucinda.
Mex time marry for money, its got to be
counted out befo' de preacher ties dc knot
said Sam. Else gwine to get divoce imme-
dyately"
Such an uproar was raised by the speech
the citizen could not understand anymore
hat was said, and lie passed on homeward,
thinking that was the shortest honeymoon OF
which he had eyer heard.
Of course Sam is pushing matters for q
"divoce"
whats dola' to man wild tanlly'-
M0JHp I2c0ister.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12
Eegp
rIrIc,xlEI,,.s <A,.I,

cIIIItiEE',sS sAl.IC.-By yrtue OF an execu
Of La Sale conn, OF Illinois and to directed.
Whereby am commanded 70 make the amount a. 4 Ger
and Dyson Miller partners unaer name ands' re OF Rowe
Miller: and Dyson Miller IN favor Of Francis Gep gu,
M ~. 10 nse s led on s os sl
seven in block No. twenty seven in Robert
10 Sheridan recorded IN Book Is Pla,s page II being
following tract OF land commencing NJ point on the east
bank Of IoI River ocsriag north % deg ~ min west
thirty'aye NORTH range east Of The third PRINCIPAL Ne
Inc or tie h Of way Of the ows , 5sSero FoS
RIVER valley railroad thence running north along the bank
chains. thence north deg. IS nil vest 5aioj chains
a,nce north deg . min east, 1000 cnslns to STAKE
point burr oak q inches diameter bears south IS deg
10 min east - Inks ana black walnut 10 inches In al
from thence north 80 deg - east 10 GOO chains Ia
deg west iIo chains along tie center Of Rowe street
to the north line OF the light Of way Of the aforesaid rail
right ofwsy 10 place of beginning containing my acres
or e s sans s sDd three lots a RON e
b'ongng to f. Groves, and two tSl?O each belonging
Also the undivided onelalf OF the following described
tract and parcel OF land, commencing at the northeast
range three east OF the Third Principal Meraisn thercs
west nse ana DDS thence south TO the centre OF
of coal under the surface thence running westward In the
Of the east boaHarS. thence south esSy rods om the
NORTH boundary aforesaid and thence fourteen rods
tHence ious 10 the place. oi DtSHiEng.
Also the undivided onehsf OF the following lot par
Gel ofand towlt Commencing AZ point fourteen rods
west oil te northeast corner OF secuou twenty
township tirtyOne north three, east OF the third
Principal Meridian and running west rod thence south
north .ne hundred and RODS to the place OF beginning
Being the same undivided oneha OF said shove described
land which Jacob e. Stone and Lydia A. Stone, his wife,
conveyed by deed To Samuel NJ Rowe and DYSON Miller
which deed recorded In book ~ III of the records OF
la Sale county, to which reference is hereby made for
greater certainty.
Therefore according to the said Commsnd. shall expose
for sale at public auction AZ the rrt title aud interest OF
lie above named Rowe Miller In and 10 the above deS
crbed property, saturday. the 18th day OF February
1876 at O'Clock y. the south door OF the Coanty
Court House. In Ottawa La Sale county, and State Of
Illinois.
Dated at Ottawa this 2sth day OF January 1876.
ARTHUR G. MCINTYRE,
Sheriff OF La Sale county, H.
Nv w, II. HALL, Deputy, an,2g3w
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

WHY THE SUN-DIAL FAILRD.-Old Mills,
the optician at New Castle, sold sundlal to
Pitman, a few weeks ago, with the assurance
that i. was quite reliable time-keeper. About
o fortnight afterward Pitman called at the
shop and said Say, Mills, that sun-dial is
not worth cent. It's no good as a time
piece anyway" Maybe you haven't got it
liked in q good place." said Mills. "Yes,
have" replied Pitman. But l tell you it
won't work There must be something
wrong aHou,it." NO; it's in perfect ORDER"
said Mills. "Did you ever time it by your
watch" certainly did. I've stood close
10 it hundred times exactly at the even
hours and the cussed thing has never struck
the thing once "Merciful Moses! Why,
you didn't expec. it to strike the hours, ala
you? why it don't strike, of course. II has
no works inside" That's what gets me,
said Pitman. "If it amt got no insides, how
is II goin' TO go:" "Mr. Pitman, where have
you located that sun.dial? In the garden"
Garden! BE gracious no, What do | want
with time-Diece In the garden? It's hung
IN the sitting-room again The wall" Then
Mills explained to him and Pitman has since
traded the sun dial off for a S. o'clock
Nrx idslcr.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

as this the way to serve hard working
man 2" asked Joseph Frost, as Bijah placed
him in position.
His Honor DIDN'T say.
.Do YOU hear what say:' demanded the
prisoner.
YOU'D better quit lhatw remarked the
Court, as he opened the warrant. The nicer
you can appear while you stand mere the bet
Ter impression you will make on the people
of the State of Michigan"
"Why did they lock me up" asked the
prisoner in a soft voice. why dld they
come up on the roof of building where
was earning eight dollars day and arrest
me and drag me here:''
as that the case:"
"That IS the case, and want $52,340 dam
ages"
Three officers swore TO finding him fight
ing drunk IN the wharf, and one of them
knew that the prisoner lived in Saginaw"
Joseph Frost, who has lied?' asked his
Honor.
"The ofticers!' shouted Joseph, land as
soon as get out Of here I'LL"
You'll whai?"
81 known
$50 do l, Joseph. The programme IS as
follows: Get out Of here into the black
Maria; get out Of the Maria into the House
of Correction; stay there four months; get
out and go home and tell the boys you've
been down in Texas herding cattle. It's as
plain as missing three cellar stairs. - Free
. Press.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12
1t Was He.
M0JIe Rcglst,

At an early hour yesterday morning, a pc
hceman halted g colored man, who was lug
ging large basket up OHIO street, and de
handed 70 know where he got it.
dat baskit haz bin in my family for SIN
years." replied the colored man. dat al
Daskit war born in Virginy, removed to d.:
town when young, and haz been behavln' his
self de fustratest kind eber since
II didn't know but you picked it up il
some yard" observed the officer.
II see de pint OBJ dat remark berry clearly
but amt dar. If was on de pick, and i
had picked dis var baskit up, and if you hao
picked me and de baskit dis morning, dan
would hab been animal life in de basket
"Chickens?' queried the officer
II believe dat chickens, and cloches, and
buck-saws, come under dc head ob ANNA
life," gravely replied the colored man, and
he moved on.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

We want to believe that story about Mr.
Henry Bull, but it is hard, very hard, to ac'
cept it with perfect confidence. Mr.. Bull, it
is alleged, was fed upon calomel and blue
pills by the doctors for number of years, so
that finally he became absolutely saturated
with quicksilver. The other day, while he
was standing by the side of the house, the
sun suddenly came out bright and warm, and
Bull began gradually to ascend. He stopped
at the line of the sill Of the second-story win
dow and hung there, suspended in space, un'
til q thunderstorm happened to come up
which cooled the atmosphere, and then Mr..
Bull slowly descended. Now he has grad
uated scale marked on the gable end of his
dwelling, and whenever Mrs. Bull wants to
know how warm it is, she ties tlat-irons &c
Henry's legs to hold him down, and walks
him around to the gable and cuts him loose
and lets him rise TO 50 or 80 degrees; and
when she gets the information, she lassoes
him with the clothesline and hauls him
down. We say we loaat to believe this anec'
dote because IL makes US happier TO have
perfect faith. But it is harder work than be-
Iiieving nest lies HGs Ade!cr,
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

We were II az Chubb's the other afternoon
and while we stood at the back window talk
ing, we saw q gray ca. climb up q tree IN the
yard and disappear. Presently another gray
cat crept to the foot Of the tree and assembled
After a while q third came sneaking down
the yard, and up IL went. We remarked to
Chubb that there must be general synod or
constitutional convention or something gong
on in that tree Just then fourth cat was
seen plunging over the grass yowling and
swishing It's tai and then it proceeded sky
ward. A moment later a cat tore furiOusly
I'D the gravel walk, turned three or four SOM
ersaUlts on the grass, emitted couple Of I'M
earthly screeChe., and flew up the trunk.
This kind of thing continued for some time,
and Chabb, who became more and more ex-
cited as each additional ascent was made, at
last exclaimed, "Nerciful Jupiter! but there
must be eighteen million cats UP that tree.
Gimme my gun, and I'll go for 'emn They
gave him his gun. and he fired double hand.
fuls of bullets into the tree fifteen times, and
not cat fell. Then We went out TO investi-
gate the subject There were no cats among
the branches, or anywhere about the tree.
| Only az the foot OF the trunk, on the other
side, was Chubb's gray house-cat, sitting
licking his paws. Just then the hircd-girl
: came ont and said, "Misthcr Chubb, that cats
been runu!u Up one side of the tree an down
| the other. the whole afternoon, like mad.
There's something the matter with m" Yes,
| il was only one ca. that had made all those
Iascents. Club1 smiled sadly, put up his gun
and offered 10 trade US that cat for bunch
of asparagus and e halt pound Of cheese,
bu, We refused, and BOw he is training her
/ TO perf1rn in (. ElenagcrIc.-Nur -idelsr.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

A MODEL STUDENT.-The Rev. d.. Richie
Of Edinburgh, though very clever man
once me: with his match. When examining
a student as to the classes he had attended,
he said, "And You attended the class for
mathematics :" YES" How many sides
has a circlew Two" said the student
What are tLeyw What z laugh in the
court the students answer produced when he
said, AN inside and an outside."' And you
attended the moral philosophy class, a!sos''
Yes" We'll. you would hear ,ecisres on
various subjects. Did you ever hear one N
cause and effect:'' YES" Does an effect
ever 90 before q cause:' ayes. Give nc
an instance" - man wheeling borrow
The doctor then 81; down and proposed NJ
more questions.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

A DOMESTIC DEFINITION OF TELEGRAPH
SAM" said a darkey to his ebony brother,
how am it dat dis yer telegraf carries dc
news froo dem wlres:"
well, Caesar, now s'pse dat am dog free
miles long"
"Nebber was such big dog; don't blelb
dat"
You jess wait mint; Use only llustratin'
YOU stupid niger. Now, dis yer dog, you
see, jess puts his front feet on the Hoboken
sho', and he put his behind fleets on de New
York sho'.'
"Yesser,'
Now, s'pose you walk Oh dis yer dogs
tall in New York"
"Yesser.'
Hell bark, won't he?"
"In Hoboken, calc'late."
Dat am jest it. You walk on lc dogs
,ail in New York, an he bark in Hoboken
an OATS de way de telegraf works
"Yesser; desso-desso; You's right by gor'
~"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

GUARDIANS NOTICE OF APPLICA.
" TON FOR ALE OF REAL ESTATE OF MINORS.
TO az Persons .chon may coacert Notice is hereby
given. That the Undersigned Samuel d. Hannah, guardian
OF Mary Rood minor will make applicationto tine County
Court OF La Sale county, at regular term thereof 10 be
held at the County Court house. in Ottawa In said county
On the third Monday of February AID 1896 being the TWEEN.
tyst day thereof for an order and decree OF said court
directing him as said guardian to sell the following real
tate belonging TO said MINOR much ihcfeof as snail
to said court TO the interest of said minor situated In
the county of La Sale and state OF Illinois. TO witt Com
$50 links north OF the quarter section corner on the
east line OF section four township thirty north range
i've east OF the third p NJ ana running from thence north
$50 links thence north % deg west lis links thence north
II deg a. min to the line dividing the northeast guar
of section four east and west thence west said line
5l links thence south 20 links thence north z deg east
1918 links thence north ij deg east 100 links TO the place of
beginning containing twenty -four iOlOO acres Of land
subject, however to the dover life estate OF PAMELA
Rood in and to the whole of the above described premises
dor further description OF said premises above descybed
reference hereby made plat OF said premises record
ed In Chancey Records B OF County Court OF sale
County page 52 for the support ana education OF said
MINOR and for the purpose OF investing such OF the
cees OF sad sale ss shall not be Immediately requisite for
said support and education IN other real estate of other
wise investing tie same. SAMUEL j. HANNAH,
Guardian OF said Minor.
j. II. FOWLER, Attorney ian294w
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

An irper,nent youth at Saratoga amused
himself by exhibiting the following lines tc
some of the ladies at the hotel:
Men scorn to kiss among themselves,
And scarce would kiss a brother,
But woman wan. TO kiss so bad,
They kiss and kiss each other.
Whereupon young lady pencils this re
tort OF the back OF an envelope and lett II
for the fools's instruction:
Men do no. kiss among themselves,
And it's well tina; they refrain
The bitter dose would vcX them SO
They would never kiss again.
As sometimes on poor woman's lip
Is applied this nauscOus consolation,
We have 10 kiss among ourselves
AS couutCractlng potion.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

MA STEERS sALIC.-Eotlccis hereby givep.
wi Tint by virtue of decree made aud entered OF record
by the Circuit Court OF La Sale county, state OF lBois at
the January of said court 1876 In certain cause
then pending in said court the cancery SIDE thereof
wherein Nathaniel Eels Frederick Eels Charles IL. Ees,
Lucian Eells Marcus Eels. Susan Maines and Isabella
Pounditunc cOmplUioanis and Sar a. Eels, Doug
las Eells Horace Ees Defendants shall on Mon.
day the twenty first day OF feOruRlyA D. 1876 at tie hour
O'Clock In the forenoon OF SAID day. Oer Tor SAFE
at the front door of the house said premises In said
county, public auction. and will then sell 10 the highest
bidder the following described property being the same or.
deied by said decree 20 he sold. that is To say:
Tie east halt OF the northwest quarter OF section twenty
,egh;.
Also the west sixty Southeast quarter ofsec.
ton twentyeiGRt.
Also lot land in said section overweight described
follows VIZ. Commencing at the northeast corner OF
the sou west quarter OF said section twenty eight, and
running due south tyiou rods thence due west twelve
rods and thirteen links thence north degrees east
place OF beginning, containing three and 0rysG hun
dTcdtiis acres
Also lot o land lying In said southwest quarter or said
ton twenty eight, described As follows viz: Commence
ng at point eght rods west oil the northeast corner oil
said southwest quarter OF said section twenty eight, and
raining thence south scvendegces west thirteen RODS.
thence due west twelve and rods, thence
section, thence 10 the place Of beginning containing
one acre
All said premises being In township thirty three north,
range three east of the third principal merdan In the
county OF La Sglle ana state of Illinois.
Terms OF sale: Onehalf cash the delivery OF deeds to
the purchaser by the Master In Chancery he balance In
from the day OF sale 10 be secured by mortgage
on said premises. - -. .
Dated January 18th, 1870. GEORGE u. LELAND,
ian293w Master In ChBncery.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12
GUAnDIAN'sN s,TICIs OF AP,fILGA-

>
To al PSTNOdS rtJn concern Notice IA hereby
given, That the undersigned. Samuel j. Hannah, guardian
Of Lewis Rood minor, will make application TO the County
court La Sale county, regular thereof 10 be
held the County Court House in Ottawa IN said county,
the third Monday OF February AID 1885, BENG The TWEEN.
trst day Thereof for order and decree OF said court
directing him said guardian TO sell the following real e
belonging TO said minor. much thereof as shall
to said Court TO the interest OF said minor situated
the county of La sale and state OF Illinois 10 Wit Com.
gencing 1913 links cast Of 1893 uks south OF the centre OF
section four, township - north range east NJ snd
canning from thence north jsG links TO the bank OF FOX
river thence southwest along said river 10 the northeast
OF lot number - thence south jN2 links thence
north 81 deg CAS- links the place OF beginning and
containing srtyseyen and - 100 aires OF land subject to
dover lie estate of Pamela Rood; described rs fol
lows Commence At tie southeast corner OF The above de
sCbed premises and from thence south ~ deg west 81
links thence north thence east J links thence south
place OF beginning and containing ia all tventysiN and
SOO 0or further description OF said premises and
also said dover reference Is hereby made 20 plat 81 said
lands rcor"d IN the Chanccry Records "B Of tie county
Court OF La sale county, page 5 or the support and
education OF said minor. and for the purpose OF investing
such the proceeds said shall not be mucd ary
se tor said support and education IN other real e.
tat", Or Ci otherwise investing the same. -
SAMUEL J. HANSAN,
Guardian 81 aid Minor.
=. II. FOWLER. Attorney. f,.s'-lS
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

Il is;vel,knowE fact that clover has the
singular property OF being able 10 extract
from the atmosphere, without the and Of man
ure or stlmu!anis, nitrogen sufficient tor its
own proper growth and nOurlshmeni. The
straw and roots Of tie clover contain large
amount Of nitrogen, and these, when plOwed
down. are therefore as valuable 70 the next
crop s7vn as o cCpiogs supply Of guanO.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12
j. II. FOWLER, Attorney.
I,IIARDIAN Ms NOTICE; OF APPLICA-
I TION FOR SALE OF REAL ESTATE OF MINORS.

GUARDIANS NOTICE OF APPLICA.
VI TION FOR SALE OF REAL ESTATE OF MINORS.
To all PfjSONe ChO,H H1g concern Notice Is hereby
given That the undersigned. Samuel j. Hannah, guardian
of Edward Rood, minor, VIII make application to the
County Court OF La Sale county alta regular term thereof
to be held at the County Court House. In Ottawa In said
county, the third Monday OF February D. 1876, being
the twenty first day thereof Tor order and decree OF said
court, directing him said guardian TO sell the following
shall said the interest Of said minor stu
atcd in the county OF La sale and state OF Illinois, 10 wit
Commencing the centre OF OK river road 1853 links east
and 1903 links south the centre section four township
north i've east of the third p NJ, and running
from thence north y deg east along said road Uo links
thence a,0 links he line dividing the northeast
quarter OF section four east and west thence east 2 links
land OF L. II. Rood thence north IL deg. A. min. west
?12 links the bank Fox river, thence down along tie
bank OF said river TO the northeast corner OF lot number
thence south j9G Inks to the place OF beginning contain
ing aud iOi00 of lands subject to dover
life estate OF Pamela Rood, described as follows Com
at the SOUTHWEST OF said premises above de-
crbed and from thence north 1883 links thence east to
east TO tie line OF lot number six thence 32 links
thence south the southeast corner OF said premises
south ~ deg. the place Of beginning, and
containing and 20O acres Of land; for further de-
scrpton TO SAID premises and also 10 said DOVER refer
is hereby made TO plat OF said lands recorded In
Chancery Records "B OF the County Court CT La Sale
county page So? Tor the support and education OF said
MINOR and for the purpose nyestn. such OF the pro-
ceeds said sale shall not lie Immediately use Tor
said support and education In other real estate of other
wise Investing the same. SAMUEL. j. HANNAH,
Guardian Of said Minor.
j IL F9wLET, Attorney. ah2D.iw
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

Glow long have you been in England p
was the question put by ayoung Englishmar
to young American at d public dinner in
London recently About two weeks was
the reply Really" was the rejoinder OF
young John Bull, land notice you talk our
language as well as We dor Yes was the
reply of Brother Jonathan; II lave not been
here quite long enough to forget how to
speak it,"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

4 TO VI VI - 7 % y TsTk$~| = y II T." =. TL0
y undersigned Special Commissioners, appointed BY a
decree OF the Circuit Court OF Ia sale county, 10 the state
u Illinois. A. the Jrne term thereof D. 'l Ia ccrta n
Then pending said court fhe chancery side
thereof wherein Della Hagl and Clara NEg were com
nlanants. and El.anor X. MAg snd Laura hagi we're
lsendRnts TO make sale ote lands hereinafter mentioned.
hereby give notice that on saturday TIE twenty sixth day
February $50. AZ the hour OF Ocloc r. ~ AZ TIE south
door OF he county Court House ia the city o OTTAWA We
will offer Tor sale AZ public auction, 20 the h-es ara pest
bidder. The esst half the soahHest quarter OF section
twenty-five. IN township tt!gtgrree DoT1. range tsree
east OF tic third principal meridian also o ihfee and
four. In block fitythf IN the states AgdQn'o OTTAWA
all being On the county OF La sale state OF llnnis
Terms OF sale: Onehafc tie halauc" 10 thce 81 lA
annual payments, secured the properly, Win th ir
" y wH;rNOGE,
W. ~. CARY. RIf
THOMAS r. WADE.
tltf ava Ian. ..fh. --.t ~eerfal Commissioners.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

II see very little of you said al old gen
tleman at fashionable ball, TO q young lady
whom he had not met for a long time. Il
know it, was the artless reply; but mother
wouldn't allow me to wear a very low.neck
dress tonight, the weather is 50 cold
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

"sir, you are q political ihis. "a Per2n-
bsiaiing monument Of n;eanness-a bank
rupt in everything but cheek Boss, !
don't understand German, bu: II drink with
vour' The difficulty was settled on that
basis
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-02-12

The rich." said Duichman, -: veEison
because it Ism deer. eat mutton Sec&-se Il
ish sheep