The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-05-04
WHOLE NO. 1908.
Miscellaneous

The lower elasses-the hire classes.
BE jAbbers :" says Pat. who va. born
on the last day OF the year "Had ! do
layed Bit where would ! beenT ?
| A friend Of ours knows a woman 80
/ crossed-eyed that when she ueeps tears
from her left eye they drop on her right
cheek.
Mrs. Malaprop says she knows who
the Alpine glacier a. lie is foreigner
who carries lump Of putty IN his hand
and pane Of glass under bis arm.
How few men classed az great romem.
Der 10 polish the heels Of their boots or
know how TO tic beau knot In this
world there is no such thing As perfeo-
ton.
The individual who was accidentally
injured By the discharge Of bis duty is
still very low.
A man has eye-dsntihed himself with
. lamp post by running against one and
injuring his sight.
The Spring style Of hand organ has
only one stop. IL begins in the morning
and stops At night
A Chicago lady. whose lord and master
indulges rather freely In the convivial
glass says he is = kind but indulgent hus.
band.
when loafer enters the saetum Of
busy editor. and the editor says. Glad
10 see you back" what does he meant
How one thing brings up another
said lady, absorbed In the pleasing ro-
trospection. Yes, replied The practical
Dobba. ''an emetie. FOR Instance.
william Mcclure has been imprisoned
In Philadelphia for having bitten OF the
nose Of VIM. Rose. A Rose without .
nose will not smell a. sweet
Tom Thumb is going 10 Texas 10 live.
aud the Chicago Times thinks that some
day We shall hear Of Tom being yaylaid
and abducted BY Texas grasshopPeF.
A syllogism.-Evsry Union printer is
down on" a rat The scriptures slut
teringiy affirm that Noah was down on
Ara.rat Therefore. Noah was Union
printer.
Now they say the report Of that shower
OF fiea In Canada is true enough " you
knock tho Y on o. uAeAs AAsy ehea
have such showers In Warrington
yieksburg Herald.
Wanted. al this ofhce. about four bush.
els Of poems on "Spring Our Office boy,
who sells the waste paper. wants 10 raise
money 10 20 10 the Centennial opening.
-vieksburg Herald.
A musician In Elkhart advertises 10
give instruction In music from hrst
principles 10 througnbore. An inter
view between the teacher and proof
reader has probably taken place ere this.
"Biddy. what's tho mean temperature
Of Summer weather in ireland said
cockney 10 a young Irish laas Name,
air. There's nothing name about lre-
lAnd-bad luck 70 yees for dirty spal'
pecnF
The New York sun knows Of general
in the army who hasn't been clear Of
debt for thirty seven years Detroit
butcher says he knows Of lots Of men
who would make good generals.-Detroit
Free Press.
A high.toncd New York woman won't
button her own CATERS. because "a is low
business. But she might elevate u con.
siderably by putting her foot on the
mantle piece when she buttons her shoe.
-vicksburg Herald.
An Iowa woman has kettle cast In
1878. But unless that kettle vas once
tied 10 the tail Of George waahinEtou'a
dog. Il doesn't possess enough historical
interest 10 be sent 10 the Centennial
vicksburg Herald.
Any excuse better than none.-A topper
says he would be q Temperance man IN
minute u ID wasn't Z for bis wife. lie knows
sh cd be lonesome IL sha hAdnt tomn.
thing 70 law about aud find fault with.
Look AZ the old Bay State" screamed
q red.nosed stump speaker. AZ a North
Carolina barbecue, a. be geaiiculated
with one hand aud munched a chunk OF
beel be held In the other. "Yis, indadef
sung out a diagusted Irishmdn. pointing
10 the speaker. See the old haste ate Y
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the pro
vailing extravagance of the people Of the
present day by calling attention 20 The
costly baby carriages In uss nos. while.
when he vas = baby. they hauled him
around by the hair Of the bead.
"sappho va. about the hrsl woman
Who struck Tyre. There may have been
other women a. able a. herself bot the
Tyres we're scarce" SapPho could have
struck a heap Of them ia Congress az
scmbled Cincinnati Saturday Night
Landlord (uho has been away some
time. comes back aud meets ono of a
large familyk is that you, Danr No.
corr" III is you then. Nike No.
sorr." Deuce take you all u u you
then. Barney 2 sure. sorr. it was iisi
me livery time
A Nebraska poet says Of Mrs. Belknap
The only act her an 10 cover.
The only plea that shs can use.
Her social standing 10 recover.
Lies in her one and ono half shoes.
"Yesr' lac said. dreAmily. -~o are ~.
ways striving for a subjective goal Tn
consciously. 10 may be. but still Ne strive
We lean over the verge Of the infinite.
longing 10 grasp It, mysteries and lost
in the profundity OF ita immrnalty.
"Yes." she replied. thouFhtfuliy. but,
John. would YOU mind my putting .
brown patch on those old duck pants Of
yours
An impecuneous but ingenious tramp
has lcft the colored population Of
I Georg~town. Texas. poor "a pocket aud
/ sore In body By Initiating them. at two
/ dollars and half head. into a lodge
of Fres Masous The principal part Of
/ the ceremony. next 20 paying the foe,
consisted in tying the candidate on .
table. face downward. aud branding him
I with . hot poker.
/ Detroit husbands and wives somstimss
/ once in a great many ysara-have dis
putes. The other day. when = Beech.
street couple we're holding an angry ar