The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-01-21

annoyed me. 1t was because 1 noticed
at last they We're prohibiting the very
thing was just wanting to do.
/ desired to roll on the grass F; the
sign prohibited it. longed to smoke I; a
sign prohibited it. And l was just in
the act of throwing stone over TO pull
verize such parties as might be picnick-
ing below, when a sign | have just men
toned forbade that. Even that satisfac-
ton was denied ne, and | was friend
less orphan.
There was no resource now but to seek
consolation from the flowing bowl. l
drew my flask from my pocket, but it
vas all in vain. A sign confronted me,
which said
"No drinking allowed On these prem
ises."
On that spot I might have perished OF
thirst but for the saving words of an
honored maxim that fitted through my
memory at that moment: "All signs fail
in dry times. Common law take $ prece-
dence of the statutes. l was saved.
The noble red man had always been
darling of mine. l loved to read about
him in tale and legend and romance.
loved to read of his inspired sagac-
ity, and of his love of the wild, free life
of mountain and forest, and his grand
truthfulness; his hatred of treachery,
and his general nobility of character,
and his stately metaphoIical speech, and
his chivalric love for the dusky maiden,
and the picturesque pomp of his dress
and accouterments.
When found the shops at Niagara
Falls full of dainty beadwork and stun
ming moccasins, and equally stunning
toy figures representing human beings
who carried their weapons in holes bored
in their arms, and bodies shaped like a
pie, / was filed with emotion. / knew
that now L was going TO come face to
face with the noble red man.
A lady clerk in the shop told me, in
deed, that all her grand array and made
by the Indians, and there were plenty
about the falls, and that they were
friendly, and that it would not be dan
gerous to speak to them.
came upon camp of them gathered
in the shade of a great tree, making
moccasins, and addressed them in the
following language of friendship:
"Noble Red Men, Brave Grand Sa-
chem, War Chiefs, SQuaws, and High
you -Nuck-a- Mucks, the pale face from
the land of the setting sun greets you!
You, Benefcent POlecat, you, Devourer
of Mountains, you, Roaring Thunder
gust-the pale face from beyond the
great waters greets you all!
"War and pestilence has thinned your
ranks and destroyed your once proud
nation. Poker and seveu-up and vain
modern expense for soap unknown to
your glorious ancestors have depleted
your purses. Appropriating in simple
ity the property of others has gotten You
into trouble. Misrepresenting facts in
your sinless innocence has damaged your
reputation with the soulless usurper.
Trading with forty-rod whisky to enable
you to get drunk and happy and toma-
hawk your families has played the ever
lasting mischief with the picturesque
pomp of your dress, and here You are in
the broad light of the nineteenth cen
tury, gotten up like the ragtag and bob
tail of the purlieus of New York! For
shame! Remember your ancestors! Re
call their mighty deeds? Remember
Uncas and Red Jacket and Hole-in-
the-Day! and Horace Greeley Emu
late their achievements Unfurl your
selves under my banner, noble savages,
illustrious gutter-snipes-"
"Down wild him!"
"Scalp the blaggard -
"Hang him !"
"Dhrown him ~
1t was the quickest operation that I
ever saw. simply saw sudden dash
in the air of clubs, brick bats, fists,
ead-baskets, and moccasins-a single
flash, and they all appeared to hit me at
once and no two in the same place.
In the next instant the entire tribe
was upon me. They tore all the clothes
off of me; they broke all my arms and
legs; they gave me thump that dented
the top of my head till it would hold
coffee like a saucer; and then to crown
their disgraceful proceedings and add
insult to injury they threw me over the
Horseshoe Fall, and l got wet.
About ninetynine or n hundred feet
from the top the remains of my vest
caught on a projecting rock, and / was
almost drowned before L could get loose
finally fell and brought up in world
OF foam at the foot of the fall, whose
celled and bubbly masses lowered up
| SeNtIul luCllcS u'cNC NY ucatu'
OF course got into the eddy. sailed
round and round it forty-four times,
chasing a chip and gaining on leach
round trip half mile-reaching the
same bush on the bank forty-four times,
and just missing it by hairs breadth
every time.
At last a man walked down and sat
down close to that bush, and put a pipe
in his mouth and lit match, and fol-
lowed me with one eye and kept the
other on the match while he sheltered il
in his hands from the wind. Presently
a puff OF wind blew it out.
The next time / swept around him he
said
SCOT match Z"
"Yes-in my other vest. Help me
out, please.
"Not for Joe"
When l came around again / said
Excuse the seemingly impertinent
curiosity of drowning man, but will
you explain this singular conduct OF
yoursl"