Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-03-30

IN that body OF soldlery.
| A Chicago hummer in Fort At
kinson felt something strike his cheek
the other day. The ball glanced, and
severely wounded a he goat in an ad-
joining pasture. The Chicago man
has very pretty dimple now; moth
ing more. though it looks like small
pox pit when he bushes, which he
never does.
The .Websterian intellect that
rents the rear portion of the skull of
the Aztec that runs the Office over the
way has the following in its last issue
PHILLEo, we don't want to advise
you to ego west" But under the
theory of the boy who wrote: dad,
come out west; lots Of id fools
get ef1ice out here" we've got to-
See here, Ounce, chaac these words
of yours:
Senator Scott ! < sewers his connection
with the Senate.l to assume his duties of Con
gresham next December"
Read your Blue Book, Stupid, or
ask some school-boy when Con-
gresham elect takes his seat. Don't
order Sackett to crawl under the ia
bic again until you lead the way.
If Jack had true wisdom in any
degree equal to his self wisdom he'd
be little the smartest boy on the
footstool. On the assumption that
your sweet-scented congress would no.
tice the ''memorial'' Of our Wisconsin
Legislature, praying that Judge Gates
trickery be looked into, and assuming
that if it did so, and could persuade
itself to be even partially honest, that
the congressional boot would raise
truthful George out Of his seat, there
by making a vacancy, we presumed
that Senator Scott would be on hand
as the properly elected man about next
December But then we don't expect
any such thing. Judge Cate can't be
gotten out Of that seat with crowbar
and of course Tom will have to wait
till March 1877. Then he'll take
it, if the Judge hasn't taken root As
to the interrogatory ''When does a
congressman elect take his seat" we
will only say He don't take it at all
if Judge Cate happens to be within
stealing-in distance. We CAN tell you
when the Judge" takes his seat. It
will be after the 44th Congress is play
ed out then he II take a seat in the
shades Of Amherst.
PHlLLEO affects to wonder why
Judge Cate does not furnish him
with Congressional documents. We
rather guess it was because the afore-
said Phiileo has treated Judge more |
like common thief than an honora-
bic gentleman. 2. well knows he be-
longs to the latter class, and that be
has been abused and maliGncd with
out stint or reason, by the Radical
press of the State. Do these libeler8
expect favors from the traduced ?
Tribune.
More wisdom Why, Jack, we
would as soon handle pole cat with a
pair of cotton gloves as the Congress.
ional Record from the hands Of G. ". !
Cate. We ask no favors from so base
demagogue. One thing we would |
like, however. A copy of the Repor-
ter. when Jack was red-hot for Alban
as against Cate for Circuit Judge. !
Wouldn't those articles read funny,
now, Jack.
That was an unhealthy mistake
that very newsy man made when he
reported the death Of our friend Car
los Blake by marriage. The Tribune
published it in good faith because it
believed it to have been true. So the
papers occasionally get duped, We
are glad Carlos has taken unto himself
a wife. A wife is an important requis-
tie in family, and Carlos did we'll in
taking one, even though he had to
prop himself with pillows in order to
more efectually promise to love, pro-
tect and cherish through thick ana .
thin the fair angel who has promised
likewise to fan him with her angelic
wings, and make cream biscuits, and /
look out for the eggs on the farm, and
so forth, and fourth Of July and like
wise. Now Don Carlos, be brave ;
whip stern old disease, drive him into
the ultra-montaine country, aud be up
and doing. Throw physic to the dogs
and look after the Black Spanish and
count it all joy, that upon bed Of
sickness you have won an angel-one I
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