Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1876-03-30
Talked Himself to Death.

He got off the morning train the
day and meandered up in the city,
and stopped in front of a fine looking
residence off Munson street. He
opened the gate, walked up to the
door, and pulled the bell. In a mo-
msnt he step ed quickly inside.
you see," he said to the aston:shed
girl, Il much prefer to do my talk
ing inside. 1t is so unpleasant to
have the door closed in oae's face
when only half through.
He walked into the oarlor. and the
frightened girl went to inform her
mistress that sewing machine man,
or book peddler had gained access to
the house. The lady entered the
room, and was greeted by the young
man as follows:
at ey call me a blessing-the la
dies do. and / am madam. 1 am a
labor saving benefactor TO the whole
sex. have "a little invention which
l am introducing-a perfect little
gem. 1t is madam, a small silver
plated, gilt point concern. which will
allow you to wear the new style of
pull back dresses, as easily as
breeches."
what 10 you mean, sir?" de-
manded the lady.
NO longer, madam, will you have
TO take your meals off from the man
le-place. You can sit down as easily
as in the old style barrel shaped
dresses. When you travel you won't
have TO lean up against the water
cooler, nor sit on the sharp edge seat
arm. The little invention which will
thus facilitate your movement retails
for only 81. 1t is called the semi
cylinder, double-duplex, non conduc-
tor, magical pull back dress fastener,
and he opened his satchel and took
out half metal and wooden concern.
and said, only ST." You place it under
your skirts this way illustrating with
his coat-t taiD. and when you desire to
sit down pull the right hand string.
which you can have come out in your
pocket, and lcl down you float gent
ly, until you reach the chair. If you
desire to etinto a carriage, drop the
invention by pulling this string, put
your foot on the spring, and you'll
find yourself in the carriage in an in
stant."
The lady called her husband to see
the new Invention, and the agent ex-
planned its workings To him. As the
husbands eye fell upon the agent,
wicked thought flashed through his
brain, and he determined to be re-
venScd.
This is a new invention" began
the agent, Ito enable ladies to draw
back their skirts much tighter than
at present, and, at the same time, al
low them to sit down. 1t is called
the high tangled, drawback and
squeeze together, new modus Oper-
andi. Ladies say am labor-sav-
ing benefactor, that 1 am an ever
lasting--"
"Wait!" shouted the husband
please explain its workings again"
The agent did so.
why that would make a good
holster"
"Yes, answered the agent. but it is
more particularly designed for la
dies"
The husband mt for his daughter
to examine the invention.
This is "a new unparalleled upright
longitudinal, square shaped, perpen-
dicular two degrees south by four
west, extra strong, sling together and
squash up, pull-back dress inven-
ton which 1 am selling for only 81.
Ladies call me a"
Hold on" shouted the husband
and father, until call my other
daughter" and he waltzed out of the
room and returned with the hired
girl and the chamber maid.
You see ladies," began the agent,
"this is a flop over and stand-yOu-up
magical, tragical, two strings to the
right and one in the center, invention
for pulling back yoIr skirts" and he
went on for half an hour. during
which the husband slipped over to
the next house and induced the in
mates TO come over and hear the
agent talk He returned with six
women and four children, just as the
agent was winding up for the fourth
time. Escorting one person into the
room at time. he had the agent tell
each one about the invention" He
stationed small boy out in the hall,
with lead pencil, who was instructed
TO make mark on the wall every
time the agent repeated the story.
The stock he had bought was ex-
hausted about noon, when he sent IA
messenger around the ward to send
In the neighbors. and the agent was
kept telling his story without inter-
mission till near mid night.
As the sun disappeared behind the
Western horizon, the agent began TO
show signs OF fatigue, but the hus-
band was as fresh as ever. Eleven
minutes to twelve o'clock. the agent
who had just completed his yarn for
the two hundred apd sixty-first time
looked up and gasped. A glass OF
water was thrown into his face, and
the husband told the boy to rush in a
half dozen more persons, for he
thought he could finish the agent
now in about an honr and half
The boy left to rouse mp the neigh.
borhood, to find half dozen who
had not yet heard the story Of the
Invention" When he was absent
frequent stimulants had to be giver
the gent to prevent him from faint