davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
Funny Things I'm the Patent Onsce.

The Patent Office Gazette proba bly, con-
tains as much mirth-provoking matter
as any government document in the
world. Among many funny things in
the last issue we notice plan for pre-
venting the cars from leaving the track
or dropping down when a truck breaks.
The plan, in detail, is TO have a set of
rollers or very wide wheels along the
top edge of the car. Under these roll
lers, upon each side, are two lines of
rails nearly as high as the caves of the
ear, and almost touching the wheels
mentioned. In case the wheels under
the car jumped the rails, the rollers
catch upon the elevated rails or tracks
and hold the cars up. A modification
of the device is shown, i'm which hooks
are made TO take hold of the upper
track. Taking this plan in all its details,
we do not think that a road equipped in
this way would cost more than twice as
much as an ordinary road. Taken for
all in all, it is about as absurdly sense
less as plan could be. The elevated
tracks could not be used at the very
points on the main line where the great
est danger Is frequently met, namely, at
frogs and switches. The light and the
view of the country would both be OBJ
structed, and above all the heavy timber
work necessary TO support these rails
would be objections. If the plan is ap-
piled to an elevated road the same OBJ
Jections exist. 1t is a marked example
of an Invention to meet an imaginary
want. Probably the inventor knew
nothing of railroad requirements, and
had probably heard of accidents through
the papers, without any idea of their
real causes.
parallel invention to this would be
a pair of crutches, so arranged that
when a mans foot slipped they would
catch under his ears and prevent fall
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
UnIimi,ed Remedial, Resources.

People sometimes suppose that DIR.
Pierce's Family Medicines represent
the entire extent of his resources for
curing disease. This is an error. Ex-
perience proved that while the Golden
Medical Discovery, Favorite Prescrip-
ton, Pleasant Purgative Pellets, Com
pound Extract of Smart-Weed, and DIR.
Sage's Catarrh Remedy, would, if faith
fully used, cure large variety of chrO-
ME complaints, there would be here
and there a case which, from its sever
ity, or from its complication with other
disorders, would resist their action.
These exceptional cases required tho
rough examination into their symptoms,
to ascertain the exact nature and extent
of the disease or diseases under which
the patient was labOring, and the use of
specific remedies to meet and overcome
the same. This led to the establish
ment of the Worlds Dispensary, AT
Buffalo, y. v, with its Faculty of Ply
sicians and Surgeons, each of whom is
skilled in the treatment of chronic dis
orders in general and those belonging
to his own special department in par
ticular. To one is assigned diseases of
the throat and lungs; TO another, dis
eases of the kidneys and urOgenital or
gans; to another, diseases of the diges-
tive system; to another, diseases of the
nervous system; and to another, dis
eases of the eye and ear. Thus the
highest degree of perfection in medi-
cine and surgery is attained. The es-
tablishment of this institution enables
the Doctor to meet a lOng-felt want in
the treatment of the more severe chrO-
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
FROM a Carriage Manufacturer.

MeyerStOWn, Lebanon TO-, Id.,t
November 10, 1879.
Messrs. Seth W. Fowle & Sons, Boston.
Gentlemen Il have been afflicted for
two years with what l supposed to be
consumption. / have suffered from a
severe pain in my left side, the pain
being but slight at first, but increasing
in severity every day until it was almost
impossible for me to follow my avoca-
tions without great suffering and the
most excruciating pain. / have tried
almost every known remedy without
receiving the least relief. My brother
having been afflicted with splitting of
blood and all the tendenciest to consump-
ton, and having been cured by DR..
WIsTAR's BALsAM OF WILD CHERRY, re-
commended it to me, and l at once COM
menced using it with the most satisfac-
tory results. My pain is gradually
growing less and l feel much better
than have for some time past As long
as the BALsAM does as much to restore
my health as it has done thus far, so
long shall 1 continue using it, and /
would advise all afflicted with lung dis
eases to give it trial. remain yours
truly, DANIEL B. HARPER.
so cents and 81 bottle. Sold by all
druggists.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
MERCHANTS

Who wish 20 add a profitable article TO their
Stock are asked 10 eonsidr the subject OF Roof1ng
Materials. Every customer has a diroef interest
In testing the value OF anything that promises
either perfect nelc roof or reliable remedy for
q leaky old roof. The first cost OF our goods Is
small: they are staple and reliable, and they are
not perishdble. The roof OF any convenient stable
or Clubhouse covered for the purpose, furnishes
the best practical Recommendation. Any active
man OF ordinary good sense, can do the work
In every town: and by giving employment 10 one
or two at regular wages, q Roofing business can
be readily established, on which the per centage
OF profit is nearly double that Of tin rosfag. Enamel
Paints OF any color ready mixed for use, are
the most beautiful. economical and durable Paints
ever offered. They are put up in small, eonreHi-
eat cans, and may be ordered as wanted from
sample color cards. Full particulars relating 10
Roofing or Painting OF all KINDS. viii be furnished
free TO all who apply for our 100 page Book and
Tsrms and mention this newspaper. ". Y. Slate
Salt
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

"MoSEY SAVED Is MONEY MADE. ~
While business is in its present slug
gish condition the greatest economy
must be practiced in all our expendi-
lures, food, clothing, &c. In clothes,
Messrs. Bennett & Co.. at Tower Hall,
No. 5ls Market ST., Phila., tsign of the
big clock,) have for years shown the
public how money can be saved, and
now they have marked down their
prices still lower. Give them call and
examine their extensive stock. You
will certainly be suited.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

The richest man in Prussia Is Krupp
the celebrated maker Of cannon.
The young men Of Richmond, Va,
are organizing an aristOcratic cavalry
regiment.
Toledo, Ohio, win have three
days. jamboree to celebrate the Centen-
NAL Fourth of July. ...
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
LONGING.
BIZ GEORGE HoucHrox.

l hear in the twitter Of birds her song
l hear her step in the rustling grass,
Her laugh hear on the breeze, and long
To see my Margaret pass.
see her eyes in the sparkling dew.
Her hair in the tasselled corn, soft famed,
Her form in the drifting cloud. and / long
To hold my Margsret's hand.
feel her pulse in the rivers flow.
The rain that drips, and drips, and drips,
Her breath on the perfumed breeze. and long
To taste my Margaret's lips
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

To ALL, particularly invalids, spring
is a trying season. Indications OF SICK
ness should at once be attended TO. fa-
tai diseases may be caused by allowing
the bowels to become c0nstipafed, and
the system to remain in . disordered
condition, until the disorder has time 10
develop itself. An ounce of prevention
is worth pound Of cure, is an old and
truthful saying. Therefore, we advise
all who are troubled with the COM
plaints now very prevalent-headache,
Indigestion, disOrdered liver, want OF
appetite, nausea, or feverish skin, TO
take, without delay, Schenck's Man
drake Pills. We know Of no remedy so
harmless and decisive in its action. Ii
at once strikes at the root Of the disease
and produces q healthv tone to the sys-
tenn. People never need suffer from
any disease arising from disordered
condition of the liver If they would take
this excellent medicine when they feel
the first indications Of the malady. Fa-
miles leaving home for the summer
months should take three or four boxes
of these pills with them. They have an
almost instantaneous effect. They VIII
relieve the patient Of headache in one or
two hours, and will rapidly cleanse the
liver of surrounding bile, and will ef-
fectually prevent bilious attack They
are sold by all druggists.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
@SzZ{Z2&
EXIEzAA
The Peoples Remedy.
The Universal Pain Extractor.
NorE: Ask for PONDS EAIhhGi'
Take no -other.


:. Hear, iOr I Will sneak Oh
PONDS fxIRAsI.Ths sres, yssesnS': d1ss .s,aay ra
years, and for cleanliness and prompt eu''-
tive virtues cannot be excelled-
eNIi nREn.-N- family can afford 10 pe Without
Po1dse Extract. Accidents, brrisess
Confusions, Cuts, Sprains, are ,;"s rei,essa
Promptly relieves pains or Burns, senId-,
Excorinfions, Chafngs, Old sores
Boii., Felons, Corns, etc. A,re-,s Ansss;I III
fsmatiop reduces swelings, stops D,seons'
rrnoyes discoiorstions and heals rapidly
ggmAIE EWEAKneSSES.-It always relieves pam
m the back and loins, ,fullness and pressing PAIN
m rue ; NM 4 II has no equal All kinds of ui-
cerIfisns TO which ladies are subject are
promptly cured. Fuller detailsin book accom-
panyine each bottle.
nm tsGhiin.l or bieedins-meet prompt relief
and ready cure. No case, however chrome or
obstinate can long resist lis regular use
vAlsesE vlnsdid and danseroas aee o oondtion
Kidney pIsEAsES.-It has no equal for eTn'a-
BlEEplHe from any canse For fhts nSsl Is spei an
other remedies failed to arrest bleeding from
uoSe, 81 omach, lungs. and eisewhe-e-
RAEUMATlSM, NEURALGIA, Toethneae r;,.. anu 1,n.l
manently cured. -
eHv1IeiAuS of ali schools who are acquainted
with Ponds Extract of Witch Hazel rec.
commendarion from hundreds OF PhyslcianS-
many of whom order j. tor use in their own
practice In addition TO the foregoing, they
order lis use for SweIIings OF all kinds,
Ouiusy, sore Throat, Inflassed Tonsils.
simple and chronic DiarrkGa, Catarrh,
Nor whichit II q specific, ChilbiaIn>s rost-
ed Feet, Stings Of Insects, Mosquitoes,
etc, Chapped Hands, Face, and lnceec
all mann er of skin diseases
T0Il SI uSE-Remove- Soreness, Rousiness,
and Sma rting; heals Cuts, Eruptions,
and Pimples. II rerines, fnrsgoTdeS. and re-
frsshes, while wonderfully imnroving the
Compile xion. 81
TO GARMEnS--Pon1ss Extract. No STOCK
Breeder no Livery Man can afford TO be without
il IL is used by all the Leading Livery Stables,
Street Railroads and first Horsemen in New
York City II has no equal for Sprains, Har-
mes. or saddle Cbafing., Stiffness,
Scratches, Swellings, Cuts, Lacerafions,
BleedIng, Pneumonia, Collie, D;arrhGa,
ChilIs, Colds, etc. Its range OF action is wide,
and the relief il affords is so prompt that il IS
invaluable in every Farn-yard as well as IN
every Farm house. Let il be tried once. and
YOU will never be without IL.
eAuTlon.-Pond's Extract has been initiated
The genuine article has the words Ponds Ex-
trnrt blown in each hoffle. " IL prepared by
the only persons living who ever knew
how to prepare it properly. Refuse all other
preparations Of Witch Hazel This Is the only
article used by Physicians, and in the hospitals
of this country and Europe.
HISTORY AND USES OF PONDS EXTRACT,
in pamphlet form. sent free on application 20
PONDS EXTRACT COAPANY, IS Maiden Lane,
New York
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

SCRAP-BOo PAsTE.-DissOlve a tea
spoonful of alum in a quart of water /;
when cold, stir in as much flour as will
give it the consistency of thick cream,
being particular to beat up all the
Jumps; stir i'm as much powdered rosin
as will lay on a dime, and add also six
cloves, a teacupful of boiling water on
the fire, pour the flour mixture into it,
stirring well all the time. 1t will soon
be like mush. Let it cool, and keep it
cool. Lay a cover on it. For use,
soften with warm water. 1t will keep
twelve months.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

In DAMP closets and cupboards which
generate mildew, trayful of quick
lime will be found to absorb the mois-
ture and render the air pure; but, of
course, it is necessary to renew the
lime from time TO time as it becomes
fully slaked. This last remedy will be
found useful i'm safes and strong rooms,
the damp air of which acts frequently
most injuriously on the valuable deeds
and documents which they contain.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

"WHAr are you about?" inquired a
lunatic of a cook who was industriOusly
picking the feathers from a fowl.
"Dressing a chicken" answered the
cook. 81 should call that undressing"
replied the crazy fellow. The cook
looked reflective.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

PAINT THE FLooR.-None but earth
colors should be used in painting floors,
and the rapid wearing off Of coating
of oil paint on floor is sure indica-
ton that white lead has been mixed
with the paint. This is generally the
case, since it causes the paint to cover
better and spread easier. Even the
employment of varnish that has been
boiled with litharge should be avoided,
and one boiled with borate of manganese
preferred. 1t is also very important
that the first coating should be per-
fectly dry before second is laid on.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

As OLD Mr.. heaved the last
scuttle of four tons of coal into his
cellar, he was heard to remark: elf
they had been boys instead of girls, it
wouldn't have been thus. One ton
would last all winter.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

"LADY-"Now, Mr.. Snapper, as l saw
you at church last Sunday, tell me
what you think of our new preacher ?"
Snapper-'I think he would be first
class martyr at the stake" Lady
"Why so, Mr.. Snapper?" Snapper
because he is so very dry"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

CREAM MUFFINs.-One quart of rich
milk, or if you can get it, half cream
and half milk; one quart of flour, six
eggs, one tablespoonful of butter, one
of lard, softened together. Beat whites
and yolks, separately, very light; then
add flour and shortening and scant
teaspoonful of salt, and stir in the flour
the last thing, as lightly as possible,
and have the batter free from Jumps.
Half fill your well buttered muffin
rings, and bake Immediately in hot
oven, or your mullins will not be good.
Send to the table the moment they are
done.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

To DRESS CRABS COLD.-Open the
crabs, take out all the flesh and fat, and
the white meat from the claws; mix
the meat well with half tablespoonful
mustard, one tablespoonful vinegar,
half teaspoonful white pepper, and a
pinch of cayenne. Then wash and clean
the shells, fill with the meat thus pre-
pared, and serve. Garnish with parsley.
This is only the dressing for two crabs.
1t takes the meat oftwo crabs to fill one
shell when prepared in this manner.
Many use larger proportion Of season.
ing, but this is quite sharp enough for
most people. We think they are much
better plain with no dressing, but this
is a matter of taste.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

'sMA, WHAT is lanker?" inquired a
bright-looking child, the other day.
''I'm sure don't know my son. Where
did you hear the wOrd?" "Why, at
Sunday-school. You know they sing,
"We'll stand the storm, it won't be
long; we'll tanker by and by"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

An INVENTION called a cheating
comb" is said to dry the hair immedi-
ately after washing, and cure all sorts
of aches and pains in the head, besides
restoring the color of the hair and max
ing it glossy.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

81 NEVER larfed SO much in all me
life," said Guy at the club the other
night, when 1 sat down on, you know,
nice old chaps hat, you know, and
then everybody larfed, you know" Ii
was funny, you know, wasn't it?
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

If YOU pass through the hen-roost
with careful eye, just now, you will
notice sadness creeping over the
countenance of the old hens. 1t is not
simply the knowledge that they must
die, but the thought that they must be
sold for spring chickens. - Cincinnati
Iinles
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

To RECOVER the voice-beat the white
of one egg, add to it the juice of one
lemon, and sweeten with white sugar
to the taste. Dose, one teaspoonful
from time to time. 1t has been known
effectually to cure the ailment.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

A YOUNG LADY who was heard to de-
clare that she chad nothing to wear" 7"
was seen on the street few hours later,
attired in at least seventy-five dollars
worth of clothes. We suspect she ber-
rOMed them.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

RECIPE FOR YEAsr.-To make good
bread you must have good yeast. The
following is an approved recipe: Take
two good sized potatoes, peel and cut
them in half, put them in about two
quarts of water, or little more; let
them boil soft, then put in a handful of
good hops; let them boil until they
settle to the bottom, say half an hour,
then strain them through tin strainer,
rubbing the potatoes well through the
water; add a teaspOonful Of brown
sugar; let it stand till cool, then stir in
half a teacupful of flour; when cold
pour it into one of those large glass
preserve jars with screw cover; stand
in a warm place to rise, shaking 1t up
occasionally. In twenty-four hours ii
will be light; skim off any black scum
that rises to the top; when it is light
there will be frOth on the top and it
looks white all through. There is no
yeast to compare to this. 1t is easily
made and raises bread very quickly.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

To PREVENT SPLITTING OF HANDLES.
All carpenters know how soon the
butt ends of chisels split, when daily
exposed to the blows of mallet or
hammer. A remedy suggested by a
Brooklyn man consists simply in saw
ing or cutting off the round end of the
handle so as to make it fiat, and attach
ing by a few small nails at the top of it
two round disks of sole leather, so that
the end becomes similar to the heel of a
boot. The two thicknesses of leather
will prevent all further splitting, and
if, in the course of time, they expand
and overlap the wood of the handle,
they are simply trimmed off all around.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

The Time Taken to Produce Coal
FOrmdtions.-BefOre the Glasgow Geo
logical Society Mr.. Z. A. Wunsch drew
attention to certain seams of coal in
the Isle of Arran, as giving evidence of
the immense time required to produce
them. Mr.. Wunsch stated that he had
found numerous cylinders of trees
completely flattened lying across each
other at various angles with thick bark
compressed into less thickness than
common pasteb0ard, and the carboni-
ferrous matter reduced to graphite, so
that from three to four inches in thick
ness of this impure coal contained pro-
badly twenty generations OF trees over
lying each other. Now. if thirty years
is allowed for the life of each tree, it
must have taken 600 years to form four
inches of impure coal or 1,sOO years for
the formation of a coal seam one foot
thick.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

THOSE who live nearest the depot are
generally the last ones to get on board
the train, so those who live nearest the
church are almost always the last ones
to come i'm Sunday mornings.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

"GESTLEMEN of the jury, many of you
are fathers; many of you are mothers, !"
pathetically said Watertown lawyer,
in summing up his case the other day.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

Two FRIENDS who had not met each
other for years, met, recently, on the
outward-gOing Omaha express In the
smoking car. Each appeared somewhat
"what are you doing on board here ~
s'Hush! hush!" said his friend; 81
know 1 can rely upon you. The fact
is, had no wife of my own, so am
running away with anOrher mans"
.'Thunder," replied the first speaker,
sswhat an idiot you must be- The fact
is, had wife Of my own, and am
running away from her." Chicago
Tribune.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

"WELL, sir, what does hair spell ?''
Boy-.sI don't know" "What have
you got on your head?" "BOy (scratch-
ing)-.I guess it's muskeeter bite"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

FIsHBoNE In THE THRoAT.-If you get
fishbOne in your throat, and it con-
tinues to stick there, swallow an egg
raw. 1t will be almost certain to carry
the bone along with it.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

WHAT class of people lie the most?-
Sluggards.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17
VISITING CARDS! VISITING CARDS
Box Of so for 25 Cents.

Fifty elegantly printed, stylish, Tinted or White
Visiting Cards sent by return mail, in beautiful Gaze,
for only ID cents. Agents Wanted IL samples.
price-list, &c, for &c stamp. Complete Outht-Box
Of 4S samples. price-lis &C. for Is cents. Address
q. Il. FICktRD. Box 3.I, BETHLEHEM. Pa 5-2-2t
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

TOOTHACHE.-OneO ounce alcohol; two
drains cayenne pepper; one ounce kero-
sene oil; let it stand twenty-four hours
after mixing. 1t cures, it Is said, the
worst toothache ever known.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

A COcKNEY gentleman stepped up to
give his testimony: "There was vast
crowd gettin' about i'm, hand one said
the man was killed, hand hanother said
the same; hand l hexclaimed with a
loud voice, 'Hif the man is killed, why
don't you stand back hand give i'm a
little hair -"
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

IT Is an unpleasant fact that what
your friends call self-pOssessiOn, your
enemies call brass.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

Twelve thousand young salmon
trout have been put into the Hudson
river at Catskill Point,
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

THE man who had a project on foot
went to a corn doctor.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

In WHAT place are two heads better
than one? In barrel.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

A REFORMED drunkard's epitaph-H'
never "smiled" again.
Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-05-17

WARTs.-Lunar caustic-- carefully APP
piled so as not to touch the skin, will
destroy warts.