Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-01-27
s'MY COUNTRY IT'S OF THEE .
The Pilgrims Progress: 1920
1875

The following clever production,
the authorship of which is unknown tc
us, is we'll worth reprinting.
1920 Lands on Plymouth Rock.
and sets up for himself
1921 Keeps Thanksgiving-in nc
danger of over-eating.
1922. Builds Meeting House.
1923. Proclaims a Fast Day.
1923. Cuts down Maypole at
Merry Mount, and a rebuke to vain
recreations.
1886. Is crowded for accommoda-
tions, and stakes out new farm at
Connecticut.
1887, Makes war on the Antinon-
ians and the Pequot Indians-and
whips both.
1888. Starts a College, and
1910. Sets up Printing Press.
1913. Goes into a Confederacy-
the first Colonial Congress.
1640. Lays down the Cmabridg
Platform. Hangs Witch
1910. Sets his face against the
unchristian custom Of wearing long
hair, 6 thing uncivil and uncomely.' y
1861. Is rebuked for ''intolerable
excess and bravery of apparel, and is
forbidden to wear gold and silver lace,
or other such gew- gaws.
1867. Coins Pine Tree Shillings-
and makes business profitable.
1853. Prints bible for the Indians,
1880. Buys a "hang-up" Clock,
and OCCASIONALLY carries a silver watch
that helps him guess the time Of day.
About this period learns to use forks
at table new fashion.
1892. Is scared by the Witches
again, at Salem; But gets the better
of them,
l701. Pounds another College,
which after while, settles down at
New Haven.
1904. Prints his first Newspaper,
in Boston.
17O5. Tastes Coffee, as a luxury,
and at his own table
1708. Constructs another Platform
this time at Saybrook.
1710. Begins to sip Tea--very
sparingly, 1t does not come into fami-
ly use till five and twenty years later
I'LL. Puts letter into his first
Post otice.
1925, Eats Potatoe-and takes
one home to plant in his garden as a
curiosity.
1921. Is Mocuzated for the Small
Pox-not without grave remonstrance
from his conservative neighbors. Be
gins to Sing by Note, on Sundays,
thereby eucountering much opposition
and opening ten years quarrel.
1740. Manufactures tin ware, and
starts the first Tin peddZer On his trav-
els.
1742, Sees Fannuel Hall built.
The cradle Of Liberty is ready to be
rocked.
1745. Builds an organ but does
not yet permit it to be played in the
Meeting house.
1850. Buys a bushel Of Potatoes
for winters use,-an his friends
wondering what he will do with so
many.
1855. Puts up a Franklin tStove
in his best room, and tries one of the
newly invented ight.ning Rods.
1760. About this time begins to
wear a collar to his shirt. When he
can afford it, takes his wife to meeting
in Cdojse. instead of on a pillion, as
heretofore.
1865. Shows his dislike to stamped
paper, and joins the ''Sons of Liber-
ty."
1868. Tries his hand at Type Foun-
ding--not yet successful-in Conneti-
cut.
177O. Buys homemade Wooden
Clock.
1913. Waters his Tea, in Boston
Harbor; Plants Liberty Trees,
wherever he finds good soil.
1774. Lights Boston streets with
oil Lamps; novelty {though :'New
Lights had been plenty, some years
before),
1775. Shows Lord Percy how to
march to Yankee Doodle Calls
at Tlconderoga. to take lodgings for
the season. Sends General Putnam
(under the command of several Col
onelsr with a small party, to select a
sight for Bunker Hill monument.
l776. Brother Jonathan-as he
begins to be called in the family-de-
clairs himself Free and Independent
1870. Buys an ''Umbrillo," for
Sundays; and whenever he shows it
is.laughed at for his effeminacy.
1791. Starts Cotton Spinning
factory
1892. Has been raising Silk Worms,
in Connecticut; and gives his minister
(not his wife) homemade silk gown.
Buys Carpet for the middle Of the
parlor floor.