The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-08-11
TERMS $500 A YEAR.

A person who was sent to pris-
on for marrying two wives, excus-
ed himself by saying that when
he had one she fought him, but
when he got two they fought each
other.
"Nlrs. Sphinx" observed a board
.er to his landlady, "the equal ad-
justment of this establishment.
could be more safely secured if
there was less hair in the hash
and more in the mattresses
"Have you much fish in your
bagp ~ asked a person Of fisher
man. "Yes, there's a good eel in
it," was the rather slippery reply.
Even during the heated term
two of our Western contempora-
ries got into a grammatical dis
pute. It's singular how men could
be in such a mood, while the heat
is in tens.-NelO York Commercial
Advertiser.
In Bath Abbey, England is to
be seen the following.
"Here lies Ann Mann,
She lived an old maid and died an old Mann"
1t wasn't a loaded Onondaga
county preacher who recently
said: "Brezzern, szeasier for q
cmmil-hic-tgo srough re knee,
of an idol, zan for-hic-a rich
man to live-hic-peazably with
hiz muzzer- in law"
An Illinois judge has decided
that a washing bill cannot be col
lected, and any experienced wash
er-woman will tell him that he is
right six times out of ten, which is
probably better than the average
of his decisions.-Es..
1t is supposed that the reason
graduates of female colleges are
called bachelors of art instead of
maids of art, is that the fornaer is
a higher degree. At least the
maids are always after the bache-
lors.-Norwich BeVetin.
Some one says that no matter
how warm it may be during the
day, at night it is too coolto sleep
in the open air without covers.
And yet we notice that those who
don't.-NoY7istoaVn Herald
This is the waya citizen of Den
yer advertises for a lost calf:
'Rund away Red and vite caf.
His tn be hint leg vas plack, he
vas a she calf. Enipotti vat prings
him pack pals tollars. Jacob
zuddering, Clear Creek, three
miles pehind the pridge."
A brave young man in neigh
boring town got patriotically in
toxicated the other night, and
while in that condition resolved
TO avenge Clusters death-and
next morning not one sound
wooden Indian could be found in
the place.
A shoemaker's son has secured
The naval cadetship in Fernando
Woods district, and it is hoped it
IS not the last Of him, but that he
will toe the mark, welt the enc
my if he ever gets a chance, and
get his share Of the booty.
In a suburban school a teacher
gave out the word "psalter" to q
class in spelling. 1t was a"poser"
10 all till it reached the foot of the
class, when a curley headed little
'ellow spelt it correctly, and on
being asked to define it, shouted
out, "More saltG'
Queen Victoria lately sent f3
% a little boy who had been run
)ver in the streets, and a writer
says that since this incident was
made public, the London cab,
lrivers have found it impossible
o get through the city for the
,rowd Of small boys waiting to be
'un over.
Mr.. Bulger bought his first
thermometer last week, and hav-
ng read that when a thermome-
er was under rs the weather
vas very pleasant for comfort, he
pasted a big"75" on the wall, and
lung his weather Indicator under
t. But it didn't do u bit Of good,
le says. ..,
a gentleman having an ap-
oointment with another who was
labitually unpunctual to his great
surprise found him waiting. He
,hus addressed him: "Why, see
you are here first at last. You
we're always behind before; but |
I'm glad to see you have become
,arly Of late"
A very sympathetic gentleman
vent out to the county Jail yes.
erday, and while looking about
the inmates he saw one
ine-looking fellow whom he pit
ed most sincerely. "lIow came
'ou in here?" said the $. e. to tho
all bird. ooh, ! came in here to
,et out of The crowd" replied tho
ender youth.