The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1876-10-04
ADVERTISING RATES.
SIDE NOTES.

Here is the verdict ola Kansas jury:
"Died Of kick in the stomach from
his wife, and he never knew what hurt
him."
Match factories are the best places
to look for amateur pugilists. The
employees are constantly engaged in
boxing matches.
Goats wanted, enquire within" was
inscribed on q placard hung to the
ribs of a scrawny nag, that some wag
had thrown adrift in the streets Of
Rochester the other day.
1t is a good sign when you go into
a young mans room, to find a well
thumbed Bible lying on the table. 1t
is a sign that there are piOus servants
in the house.
81 don't think" says old Mr..
Prawn, "that bookkeeping is very Sc
dahve employment. They must get"
she added thoughtfully, $50 much ex-
ercise running up the columns"
A five-year-Old of Dorchester some
what surprised his mother few days
since with the remark "God is every
where; he is all over me; and when
you spank me you spank God ?"
Our Military Maneuvers Irish
drill sergeant (militiamen)-"Prs'nt
Rims !"-( Astonishing result y
Hiv'ns what 'prisint 7 just step
out here and look at yourselves"
Only one hundred and seven new
newspapers were established in Amer
lea last month, and as long as the num-
Der doesn't go over 5000 per year,
each paper can be certain Of fifteen
Or twenty subscribers.
wherever you find many men,
you find many minds" exclaimed q
public speaker. '"Taint so by jingoI"
responed one of the auditors. "If
you'd only ask this whole crowd out to
take drink, you'd find 'em all one
mind"
After the rain look out for really
good corn, the best way to eat which
Is like playing on Aute.-N. Y. Her
aid. And the best way to drink
which is playing on a hageolet; to
the tune of Straw's waltz.
Dewitt Talmage is at home again
greatly refreshed by the vacation, and
the first Sunday he preached he knock
ed the stufing out Of the cushion and
pounded the bare pulpit until the
people outside came in to see who was
playing on the brass drumb.
The following, which is suggestive
to coffee drinkers, is from a tombstone
in Connecticut;
Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit.
The wife of Deacon Amos Shute;
She died on drinking tOomuch coffee.
Ammo DOminy eighteen forty.
Speaking of bathing" said Mrs. Par
tington, from behind the steam that
arose from her tea as q veil to her
bushes when touching upon such a
delicate subject, 'some can battle
with pefect impurity in water as cold
as Greenland's icy mountains and
India's coral strands, but for my part
/ prefer to have the water little tor
pid."
l A lady, in describing to an irrevsr-
antlboy an occurrence in which his
father had figured closed by remark
ing: 81 am sorry to say that the
thing ended by your father lOosing his
temper" "Did father loose his tenn
per :" exclaimed the young scape-
grace ''then hope he'll never find
It again, for it was the worst temper
/ ever heard of"
This note from a Chicago girl to
her lover was made public through q
lawsuit dear samie, pap's water
millions is ripe. Come and bring
some poetry like you brought afOre.
My love for you viii never flow Ike
water running down q later row.
Bring piece rs long as your arm, and
have heap more about them raving
ringlets and other sweet things.
Come next Sunday and don't fule me. "
| A gentleman caught negro carry
ling off some of his fancy poultry the
other night. "What are you doing
with my chickensi" he yelled 81
wuz gwine fer ter fetch 'em back, boss.
Deres a niger 'rOun' here what bin
'sputin' longer me bout dem chick'ns.
/ said dey wuz COachin' Chyniz, an
he said dey wuz Alabamar pull lets, an
wuz les takin 'em roun' fer ter stab
lish my nowlledge. Dey don't lay no
aigs, does dey, boss 2 Eff dey does, Pm
, mighty 'shamed er hustin' nv 'em
. roun'. Aigs is scase."
A YOUNG lady in q neighboring
town, one day last week, went into q
dry goods store and thus unburdened
herself:
cit is my desire to obtain . pair Of
circular elastic appendages, capable Of
: being contracted or expanded BY means
of oscillating Furnished steel applian-
ces that sparkle like PARTICLES of gold
leaf set with Cape May diamonds, and
which are utilized for retaining in prop
err position the habihment Of the lower
extremities which innate delicacy for
. bids me to MENTION
The yender of calcoes was nonplus-
sed, but not wishing to appear ignor-
> ant said, that he was 'just out