The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1876-02-24


new babies "Cen,ennial," is being
comm tied
| A Massachusetts, paper says: "Ten
mills make cent-but not any ten
mills in this section.
A dancing master committed sui
eide in Erie, Pa, the other day. He
schottisch own head off.
| A Hnosier named Wrsche marr.sd
Miss H,dier he other dsy. S me
day perhaps he'll wish he hadn't Ter.
IN Africa q breed OF sober miueed
dogs without tails has been disc
cred. There isn't wsg amo z
them.
| Proctor, the astronomer, says that
the moon is dead. Sorry to hear it;
she was as good moon as you could
find in a nights travel.
A woman may not have so much
hair as q comet, nor so many beiis as
Jupiter, but she stands at The head
Of the mysteries Of the universe.
An exchange wants to know, since
work is pronounced wirk, WY
pork is not pronounced pink?
These questions are very irksome.
Henry Godnose Bliiey is the name
Of boy in Spring6 II, Ohio. Ii NC
we're your parents Henry Godnose,
4 - 1 h, a -
you.
In store in Fulton street. New
York. swings placard, "Goi helps
those who help themselves; but God
help those who help themselves in
this store"
Another lost city has been discov-
cred Just north of The Caspian sea.
Let the man that lost it come forward,
pay for this notice and take his old
ruins away.
Emerson says that the essence of
all Jokes in ian honest or well-intend-
ed halfness." As near as we can get
at it, this must be some sort Of a con-
iHdTuln dpouI oysters.
Mrs. Partington desires to know
why the captain of vessel caa't
keep memorandum of the weight
Of his anchor, instead of weighing it
every time he leaves port.
Kate Field carries a revolver.
Some day some malicious person will
load it. and then she will have to put
j, in pail Of water aud run behind
the door until the danger is over.
When California woman defeated
lion in hand-to hand combat, the
| neiyhbors we're astonished, but htr
husband quie ly remarked, "Oh, that's
nothing; tina, woman could lick the
devil"
We learn from an exchange that
Santa Claus pu's nothing in striped
stockings. Who cares? All The
striped stockings we have seen were
handsomely filed and no thanks to
The old saint.
Walsirchsm Lacour DeLacey is
the only colnred member OF the Snuth
Carolina Legislature who has deli
caey enough to remove his qaid If
tobacco aud put it in his desk drawer
before addressing the House. TITO
others spit and speak alternately.
From the Louisville Cowier-Jom-
nal. A paper called the Christian
at Work declares that no tobacco
chewer can get to heaven. As the
editor of that paper evidently has the
say SO in the matter, we wonder If
he could be induced to let fellow
in on three chews day.
"WilI your Honor please charge
the jury?" asked an Arkansas law
yer, at the conclusion of horse-thief
trial. 81 will,' replied his Honor.
"The Court charges each juryman 81
for drinks, and t6 extra for the one
who used the Courts hat for spit
toon during the FIRST day of the ses-
sion"
A lady of Rockville, Connecticut,
received note the other day, asking
if few friends could have a surprise
party at her house. She said yes,
and took up her carpets and made
ample preparati ms. The evening
came and passed with not even q
caller. That's where the surprise
came in.
Darwin says the male grasshoppers
use their hind legs to fiddle on the
edge OF their wings, and that the best
fiddler always wins the affections of
the female first. The editors of the
Norristown Herald aver that they
have frequently noticed this, but
didn't think it worth while saying
anything about it.
"Children," said country minis
ter addressing Sunday School,
"Why are we like flowers what %
we have that flowers have?" And .
small boy in the infant class, whose
breath smelled of vermifuge, rose up
and made reply, "Worms!' The
minister crept under the pulpit chair
to hide his emotion.
He was in . confidential mood
when he went home the other night
on the ferry boat, and said to the
gentleman sitting by him: 'I'm
happish man in New York. l dom
owe man shent. I'm gonehome, an
if tholoman's settin' up I'll Ticker, an
if she's gone to bed, I'll Ticker any
way. Pm bount' have shome fun"
Detroit husbands and wives, says
the Free Press, sometimes-onoe in
a great many years-have disputes.
The other day, when Beech street
couple were holding an angry argu-
ment, the husband raised his hands
and exclaimed: ooh! Consistency,
thou art jewell" The wife at once
broke down, and as she sobbed, she
gasped out: "You saw her at the
opera, suppose; but, if she had to
split wood, wash dishes, and take care
Of six children, she wouldn't look any
better'n do-boo HOOP
In q crowded horse car at Boston,
the other evening, gentleman, who
was seated, resigned his place to