The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-07-21
Wit and HumOr.

MOVING for new trial-Courting a
second wife.
A MAN armed to the teeth must have
short neck for rope.
WHAT would all fain have and many
feign to have Money.
How to violate the tenth command
ment in two letters-N V.
A MASSACHUSETTS matron, in taking
leave of her newly-married daughter,
said Remember, Lucy, that the first
principle in cleaning house rs TO make
everybody as uncomfortable as pos
sible."
REVEREND gentleman (much excitedD
-''Now, just look at this coat Do you
call it good fit The fact is you can't
cut coat I" Tailor (whose dignity is
touched) "Sir, if you could preach a
sermon as well as can cut coat you
would have been Bishop before nowl
AN lrishman went to the theater for
the first time. Just as the curtain de-
scended on the first act, an engine in
the basement exploded and he was blown
through the roof, coming down in the
next street. After coming to his senses
he asked, can what piece do yez play
MKT.
"HoLD your horse, sirl" said a red
haired boy to man who drove up in
front of house. "No," replied the
man, 81 have boy here" and he took
a weight from the cart and fastened ii to
the steed 81 meant, hold him up"
screamed the disappointed youth as he
ran off.
WHEN you reflect that at picnics a
hundred years ago it was the custom
for the girls to stand up in row and
let the men kiss them all good-by, all
this enthusiasm about national progress
seems to be grave mistake. -NOrDich
Bulletin.
THERE is machine in Machinery Hall,
at the Centennial, that manufactures a
type, polishes it, and sets it in COM
posing stick. But as it can't jeff for the
liquids, or swear at the stranger who
comes into the composing to prac-
tice whistling, it is considered a failure
as typesetting machine.
THERE is no warm glow of sympathy
for the gas man in the bosom of the
Brooklyn Argats' scribe "'Give that
man front fue, yelled Beelzebub, as
terrified parsonage with the image OF
gas-meter branded on his forehead slid
through the coal-hole into Hades. He
was Director in Brooklyn gas COM
pany."
AS WE were passing through Irish
Flats this morning, on our way to town,
we heard some loud talk in the back
yard of a house. A loud but deep voice
said: "Where did you put the hoe
saw you wid2" cts gone intirely fey
ther." "Thin I'll break iviry bone in
your body wild it if you don't find it."
San antonio Herald.
A GENTLEMAN afflicted with an impedi-
ment in his speech took dinner Mt
tavern, and calling to waiter addressed
him thus waiter, gi give me
ss-some r-roast b-b-beef" The waiter
stammered out in reply: "W-w-we
a-a-ain't g-g-got any" At which the
gentleman, highly enraged, sprang from
his seat, and was proceeding to knock
him down, when third person arrested
his arm and cried to him not to strike,
saying "He s-s--stammers, SESAME as
w-we dido !"
THE following ancient oddity will bear
re-reading:
The brewers should to Malta CO.
The boobies all to Scilk
The Quakers to the Friendly Isles,
The furriers TO Chilli.
The little snarling, caroling babes,
That break nightly rest,
Should be packed off to Babylon,
| To Lapland or to Brest.
From Spithead cooks 20 DER to Greece,
And while the miser waits
His passage to the Guinea coast,
Spendthrifts are in the Straits,
Spinsters should to the Needles go,
wine-bibbers TO Burgundy,
Commands should lunch at Sandwich Isles,
Ways at the Bay of Fundy-
Bachelors to the United States,
Maids to the Isle of Man.
Let gardeners go to Botany Bay,
And shoeblacks to Japan.
Thus emigrate-and misplaced men
Will then no longer vex u.s.
And all who amt provided for
Had better go to Texas.