The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-09-09
VARIETY.

L0w-cut shoes are recommended for croque
playing. The mosquitoes like them.
Sitting Boil thinks that he can drive the white
into the Atlantic, near Long Branch.
They went fishing She looked languidly a
him and said 81 wish the fish would bite a
yOnr hook. III was n fish would
What no more ammunition p cried the cap
tain of n military company, on field day. No
no more,' replied his men. Then cease firing
replied the officer.
Old BacheIor-'The best device, for wedding
ring is spider web with q fly in it Young
maiden-'Say rather a honest's nest with an old
hornet buzzing around the door and finding fanlt
with the housekeeping.
An old Philadelphia negro was paid his week 4
wages in silver half dollars. lie gazed benignly
upon them as they lay in his palm, grinned as
though in triumph, and then exclaimed: 'Dat's
de stuff de rats can't chaw.
The army of Greece is a tremendous thing.
The cavalry branch of it is said to consist Of
eleven men, nine horses and 'bus-not blum
derbuss, but an omnibus When Greece takes
mp gun Europe lies down behind log.
Thick VEILs.-A West Virginian evidently a
young man) asks for the passage of an ordinance
against the wearing of thick wells. They are q
nuisance to young men, destroying all distinctions
of pug and aquiine. race, color and previous
condition.
'Dey amt no nIg2erS on ue top sue OF kefd-
tion, said q colored man the other day, putting
his hand to his bandaged head, 'what can sing
a hymn an put dc gear on a kickin' mule at de
same time
4 tailor Of melancholy temperament was observ-
cd recently sitting crossed-legged on the Canada
shore, gazing intently at the Horseshoe Fall, with
its thick cloud of spray. A reporter stole up
unobseryed, and heard him mutter; What
place to sponge coat :!
paper There is not single woman in the
House of Correction There, you see, don't
YOU, what wicked creatures wives are? Every
woman in that Jail is married 1t is curious,
said she; 'but don't you think, John, dear, that
some of them go there for relief?'
Coon ADvIcE.-A clergyman s widow gave the
advice to young lady friend. the other day
GsJane, if you ever marry minister, marry one
who, in an emergency, has enough of the grace
of God in his heart to go from the pulpit to the
kitchen and pare the potatoes for dinner without
growling. !"
The bold signature of John Hancock to the
Declaration of Independence has always been
the envy of those persons who never learned to
write with the leg of a stool or crow bar. This,
therefore. seems to be am appropriate time to ex-
plain that there was ay-leg between the nibs of
the pen at the time that he ierked it out of the
inkstand.
A dwelling house ON Clifford street took fire
in one of the chambers, recently, from explod-
ing kerosene lamp. The flames were extngnished
after sharp struggle by the woman of the house,
who had her hands pretty badly burned. She
was relating her adventures to a neighbor next
morning, and the women asked
" Why didn't you raise an alarm-where was
Bessie?
:. Bessie and her beau were courtine in :he par
lor" was the calm reply.
a. And you never called to them? >
Not a word. / have known of cases where
sudden alarm has upset young man just as he
was about to propose, and changed the whole
future of two lives. Detroit Free Press.
The Dan5ury Netcs says The first basket of
eucumbers appeared in our market last week.
Cucumbers are mans earliest friends. In ap-
pearance it is the most unpretentious ofvegetables
bat in character 1t takes precedence. When
cucumber first comes around, there is general
feeling of uneassness, arising from doubt whose
influence is felt throughout the community. But
this uneasiness wears of after while, and suspi
cion gives way to genuine regard. In fact, there
is not vegetable which comes to the market /
that will command the respect cucumber re- |
eeivcs. When we see q cucumber we arc led to |
look over its career. 1t has been q stormy one,
even under the most favorable circumstances pos
sible to cucumber development Only about one /
in ten starting even in life reaches position
an society. There is some recompense, of course, 1
in the excitement which arises from the dangers, /
and we can we'll believe that it must be emnently /
gratifying, to successful cucumber, when 1t has |
gained the victory, to find that instead of sinking
into helpless old age it was taken into the bosom
of an enthusiastic family and in few hours will /
be exploring them. Nothing excites cucumber. /
This has been its record since time began; and |
its lEpossession, even in the presence of the |
most famous physicians and most successful |
coroners, has given rise to popular proyerb, |
what cueumbeE. has to do it does with all its |
might. 1t enters upon the work with intense |
enthusiasm, but it patiently waits the time of &c
ton The great depth of its nature is hidden |
from the world until about An.