Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-09-14
LEVITlES.

LEvITlES.
Nothing pleases a fly so much as to
be mistaken for huckleberry, and if
he can be baked in i cake and pass
himself off upon the unwary us Il cur
rant lie dies without regret.
':That's what call \ finished SER
mon," replied 4 man as he was coming
out of church, eyes, finished at last,
replied his neighEor, ':though began
to think it never would be-
Fond father to visitor: "My boy
knows a lot of Scripture. Now, Larry,
what did God make on the first day =
Larry hesitates. Fond father points
upward III the direction of the chan
delier. 81 know, pa; he made gas!'
There is a grave digger's strike in
Liverpool. which threatens to extend
to her parts of the United Kingdom,
and as Il means Of bringing the strik-
ers to terms, the board Of health
gravely asks persons not to die for sew
eral weeks.
Now is the time for lovers to get
sp0ony over ice-cream, she taking a
few pretty dabs ut his vanilla, and he
borrowing tast of her chocolate.
This process inspires confidence in the
day when they will be throwing corn
ed beef and cabbage across the table.
The melancholy days have come
when the merry, busy little fly, chilled
by the morning air, crawlS under the
upper crust Of the apple-pie, and IRA
dates the suilen pastry with the
gleam of his dying smile when yo"
turn back the crust to sprinkle in a
little more sugar.
When 4 common school teacher in
Virginia found upon his examination
papers the question, ''Ilow does a ship
1T sea find it's latitude and longitude -
he arose to the occasion and promptly
wrote: lit finds its longitude hot and
its latitude kold.'
A farmer the other day, if the story
be true, wrote to 4 New York mcr-
chant asking him how the formers
son was getting along, and where he
slept nights. The merchant replied:
| ''IIe sleeps III the store in the day time
l don know where he sleeps nights
"Wlat do you sell those fowls for g.
inquired IL person Of Il man attempting
to dispose of some chickens of ques-
tiOnable appearance. 81 sell them for
prolits.'' WAS the answer. ''Thank
you for the information that they are
prophets" responded the qnerist: IL
took them for patriarchs.'
Danbury has the champion patient
hoy. He comes of Il acknowledgements
family. The ether day he went to Il
neighbors for i cup Of sour milk,
'Ihavn' t gotanything but sweet milk"
said the woman pettishly. 'l'll
wait till it sours,'' said the obliging
youth, sinking into a chair.
a clergyman observing a poor man
by the roadside, breaking stones, and
kneeling, to get at his work better,
made the remark: "Ah John, wish
l could break the stony hearts of my
hearers us easily rs you are breaking
these stones." "Perlaps, master, you
do not work on your knees,'' was the
reply.
The late Dr.. -- did not satisfy
by his preaching the Calvinistic portion
of his flock. "Why, SIR said they,
''we think ye dinna tell us enough
about renouncing our ain righteous
ness ''Renouncing your ain right
eousness !" vociferated the astonished
doctor, II never saw any ye had to re-
nounce!''
The other day Il prominent newspa-
per man of Norwich. who loves a joke,
went into Il h:ir.dresser's establish.
ment and asked the price of ear-wigs.
The proprietor brought ont couple Of
buffalo robes, and said that perhaps
! Il I>,lI Nkc
were no larger than they appeared
from the ground.
"Suppose, said an Iowa attorney to
q witness to whom he was cross.exam
: inlng, ''suppose sir, should tell you
/ that could bring dozen of your
neighbors who would swear that they
would not believe you under oath.
What would you say to that = And
! the witness replied. very pleasantly,
Il should say you lied.''
A tailor and his son were in the
, olden days doing 4 days work ut a
farmhouse. The prudent housewife,
to secure good days work, lighted
candles when daylight began to fade,
The tailor looked to his son and said,
"Jock, cOnfound them that invented
| "OAN4A Uy CNuuAC-AAOlC' 0y~ AC>
piled young snip, 'or daylich.. either,
father"
''Speak up!'' is becoming as famil-
iar /. cry in the British House of Com
mons as "Divide - During the mid.
night and early morning scenes ''speak
up has decome quite joke. When
ever some member is bawling out, at
the very top of Il stentorian voice, in
the hope Of roaring down opposition.
he is assailed at every momentary
pause with the cry of "speak up!"
followed by cheers Of laughter.
He came down stairs to the Office of
the hotel and said 81 amt done
nothing to he ashamed of, and because
haven clean underclothes is no rea-
son why should be abused 'Who
abused you," said the clerk. 81 don t
know who they were, but just us soon
as l blew out the gas they began to
hiss us loud us they could, and want
it stopped,'' said the stranger. The
clerk had the Kissing stopped, and he
slept the sleep of the just the rest of
the night.
A Woman Who Has Killed 500 Wild AMI.
mails.
Chief among the attractions in the
Kansas State building, or in that part