Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-09-16
Why he was Anxious,

Mr.. Robinson went out to the ceme-
terry the day after the interment of his
wife and had an interview with the su-
perintendent.
"What are your regulations in regard
to monuments in this cemetery9 2" asked
Mr.. Robinson.
"Well, we hardly have any special
rules. We let people do pretty much as
they please"
"You wouldn't make a FUSS" said
Mr.. Robinson, eff a man should put
something original and novel over a
grave, now would you9 Something cal
culated to attract attention"
" No-n-no, | guess not. What have
you in view 2"
"Well, you see, Harriet was an un-
common patriotic woman; made socks
for the soldiers during the war. and was
all the time knitting fiddle-faddle things
for sanitary fairs, and 1 thought maybe
I'd get her up some kind of red, white
and blue monument, with brass eagle
on top, and the American flag flying
from pole. Perhaps might put Hail,
Columbia in gilt letters on the stone on
one side, and picture of General Wash
ington holding the Declaration of Inde-
pendence in his hand on the other.
How does that strike you9"
:" It would be unique, anyhow"
But what l wanted to see you about
pal ticularly was to know about the size.
Now, would you allow me to make the
monument about fifty feet high of some
solid kind of stuff that d spread over
the ground little piece ?"
"Oh, yes | s'pose so. 1t will be
costly, though"
"Oh, don't mind the cost. What I
want is to get weight in the material SOS
it'll set heavy on the ground and stay
there"
"You must have thought great deal
of Mrs. Robinson to expend so much
money on her,"
"Well, betwixt you and me that isn't
exactly it. She was one of those restless,
oneasy women that neverd stay quiet
when you wanted her to, and it occurred
to me that maybe something might hap
pen to resuscitate her, and to tell you
the honest truth my idea was to run up
some kind of a monument that'd hold
her down permanent-keep her there,
you understand. don't want her bust
ling about, now that she's slowed away
as dead"
"You are probably not aware that we
have introduced an alarm here which
connects the vaults with the Office, so
that if person returns to life out of q
trance we can at once go to the rescue.
Mrs, Robinson, you know, is in vault
temporarily"
"You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Robinson, "that she's got one of the
alarms anywhere near her?"
Certainly she has,
"See here, now, [ want to say some
thing to you in private. The honest
fact is, I'm about to marry the Widder
Jones, and if can make any little ar
rangement with you to snip off that wire
for few days until Mrs. Robinson is
thoroughly dead, it'll be money in your
pocket.
"Can't do it, sir"
"Because you see for yourself how
laundering embarrassing it's going to
be if the old lady should come to and
begin to stir around just after me and
Mrs. Jones were comfortably married.
Now wouldn't iti Look at it in COM
mon sense light. So if you could muffle
up that machine somehow, or give me
some kind of written guarantee that
she won't resurrect, it'll be regarded as
a personal favor. Do they ever come
to?'
"One old lady revived last week,
after she had been in the vault three
days"
"My gracious, man, you take my
breath away Why, it's awful Upon
the whole, believe I'll run Mrs. Rob
inson out and bury her in the burying
ground. I'll send over a man for her
this afternoon, and put her in hole
forty feet deep. l never did like these
cemeteries anyway, with their new fam
gled notions. So you be ready to ship
her off when that fellow comes with the
wagon.
Mrs. Robinson is now entombed Sc
curely, and Mrs. Jones and Robinson
are one.