The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-06-29
A DOMESTIC SKETCH.
HOW n Man Can Get Ready to Go t.
Europe in Fifteen Minutes;

How n Man Can Get Ready to Go tC
Europe in Fifteen Minutes:
1t has been said that it takes woman
half a day to get ready for an absence
of an hour. 1t has also been said that
man can get ready to go to Europe il
Is minutes. Whether it means that he
will get ready to 90 in 10 minutes, OIL
will 90 in Is minutes after he is ready
can be definitely ascertained by putting
the patses where they belong. As the
reader pays his money he can take his
choice and Just suit himself. "Variety
is the spice of life, and some peoples
lives require a deal of the aforesaid
spice to make theirs endurable. But
not to meander from the subject means
to stay by it.
One day during a speck of sleighing
Jim Jones hired horse and cutter and
went home to take Mrs. Jim out for q
ride. He got home just as she was
rocking the baby to sleep. The baby
had the whooping- cough and wouldn't
let any but her mother rock her. Sc
Jim said he would drive around awhile
and then come back. So he drove and
drove, as he thought, about half an hour
and went back and the baby wasn't yet
asleep, and he looked at his watch and
found he had been gone just 10 minutes.
So he went away again and
drove and drove and came back and
slammed the door when he went in and
awoke the baby that had Just got
asleep and set her crying and coughing,
and she whooped like young Conan
che Indian on the warpath. But after
much rocking and singing she subsidized
and poor Mrs. Jones thought she
would get ready for her ride. While
she was getting ready she had three
calls; then after that she had to 60 into
the kitchen and tell Bridget what to get
for tea, then there was no water in the
wash-pitcher, then she had to get a
clean towel. But she flew around pref
ty briskly and at the end of 10 minutes
or Whereabouts she said She guessed she
was ready. Then Jones found there
was a button off his overcoat, and it
was the top button, too, so she sewed
that on and pricked her fingers and she
said emphatically that &C she wished she
could ever 90 anywhere without first
sewing on button or rocking baby, "
and jim said no one asked her to sew
on button, but if she hadn't sewed it
on she'd been two hours getting ready
any way, and added, incidentally, that
"he could get ready to go to New York
and get back while she was making up
her mind"
She said probably he could if he
had three or four waiting on him, as he
usually did when he got ready"
Then he said "'twas no such thing ~
and she said it was, and as sure as you
live her words were verified that night.
After they got home and had tea and
were sitting comfortably by the fire,
there came a ring at the door bell, and
a moment thereafter telegram was
brought in, and it was from New York,
and requested Jim to "come on" on
the next train, which went at 1880,
Just three hours from that time. So
Jim settled back to reading, remarking
that there was "plenty of time"
So he read the news, political,
Surveying it most critically Ger
And poor Mrs. Jones fidgeted, for she
knew "iust how it would be-" Well,
about O'Clock Mr.. Jones said he guess
ed he would get ready, and just then he
clapped his hand on his coat pocket,
after the manner of men, and says he {:
"There, I've got to run down to the
Office minute, and while Pm gone you
just put shirt and some socks in my
sachel," and he grabbed his hat and
rushed out. She went to get his shirt
and couldn't find the key to the bureau.
She hunted and hunted, and scolded,
but she could not find it, neither could
she find any other one that would fit,
except herself, and she would have
fit any one for half a cent.
She got in an awful state of
heat and vexatiOn, goaded on by the
gaping sachel that stood in the middle
of the floor and momentary expecta-
ton of hearing Jim's hummels on the
stairs, and just as it was quarter of 10
and she had arrived at the fearful stage
of the proceedings he came and opened
the door and stopped and said
come to think it were
D6UIeE UOJ W Jcl WLdJ uG Stlu De-
cause it was dreadfully personal to Mrs.
Jones, and she felt it to be so, and an
swered that she wasn't, AM she couldn't
pack his sachel when every thing was
locked up in the bureau and the key not
to be found. Her tears flowed afresh
when he unfeelingly remarked that
nothing could ever be found in that
house after one once let go of it." So
then he hunted and hunted, and turned
over all her handkerchief and collar
and glove boxes, and looked in the per-
fumery bottles, and moved the bureau
out, assisted by the whole household
force, who ran hither and thither, their
motions being greatly accelerated by
sarcastical remarks from Ar. Jones,
who managed to talk all the time,
whether he was heard or not.
At last says he, swell, here it is"-
he went to say 10 o'clock and stuck
his fingers in his vest pocket and pull
ed out the identical key. IfMrs. Jones
hadn't seen him he would never have
told; but she did see him, and she
didn't say word so that he could ex-
plain that he locked the drawer up be-
cause he had put some valuable Dusl-
ness letters in it the day before, and any
man is justified in taking care OF bust