The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1876-01-13
SOME FUN.

sHUcKERS WOULDN'T TAKE TIE COFFIN.
Over in Wilmington, the other day, a man
named William D. Shuckers died. Itseems
that there was another man in the city
bearing precisely the same name, and when
the death was announced, Il good many of
his friends thought he was dead, and they
resolved to 90 to the funeral On the day
of the funeral the living Shuckers also
thought he would go, partly for the purpose
of ascertaining how it felt to participate in
the obsequies Of nan named VIM. D.
Shuckers. He took up q position in the
vestibule, and Just as the mourners were
about to come out, Il friend of his, named
Jones, saw him. The first impulse of Jones
was to rush through the kitchen, and climb
suddenly over the back fence, but he con-
trolled himself, and after poking Shuckcrs
in the ribs with his umbrella 70 de-
terrnine positively that he was not a ghost,
he remarked:
''Why, Shuckers. what on earth are
you doing here? Why amt you in your
coffin ?''
''CoRn!" exclaimed shuckers.; what d
you meanP What do I want with
coffin ?''
'Mr. Shuckers, you know you are dead.
Why, they got up all this gorgeous funeral
for you, all these carriages and pall-bearers
and things, and the clergyman's just been
paying you splendid compliments that
any dead man might be proud Of
But I tell you I'm not dead. Tn rs
much alive as you are
There is no use of arguing the point,
Shuckers; the occasion is too solemn for
controversy. But if you have any consid-
Grafton for the feelings Of your bereaved
family, who are weeping like mad up stairs,
and for the undertaken, who is waiting in
side there with the screw-driver, you viii
go and get into your coffin and behave.
It's indecent to carry on SO at your own
funeral
Jones'" my boy" said Shuckers, '.you
have mistaken-
''No, I'm not mistaken. You're dead
technically dead-anyhow. It has been
announced in all the papers, your relations
have gone into mourning, the Board Of
Trade has passed, resolutions Of regret, the
sepulchre has been dug, up there IN the
cemetery, and the undertaken has gone to
considerable expense to inter YOU COM
fortably. Nov, so and lie down, won't
you ?"
''Hang the undertaken - said Smokers.
''No, I'll not go and lie down. I'll see you
in Kansas first"
"Now, see here, Smokers, calne here to
attend your funeral, and I'm not going to
be batled by any unseemly conduct on
the part Of the corpse. Oh! you needn't
look at me. Either you get back into that
coffin, SOS the Lid en- be screwed on. and
the procession can move Of, or III put you
in there by force. IF inanIunate remains
Ike you can go scootiug round IN this in
cendiary manner, Wen soon hsve the ceme-
teries unloading. and the unnumb ered dead
erowding out and wanting to vote
Then Jones called the undertaken, who
knocked Shuckers down with q cane, and
held him until he explained. and until the
scared undertaken recovered his equaninity,
which left him at the bare suggestion that
the corpse was loose. Then the funeral
moved on to the cemetery, and Jones went
/ home, while Shuckers proceeded to an
! alderman's Office to swear out q warrant
against the undertaken for assault and bat
terry. he intends to change his name TO
Duykinok.
/