The Portland daily press., 1876-11-30
THE PRESS.
Gossip and Glean1ngs.


There was man who had clock
His name was Mathew Mears-
He wound it regular every night
For nearly twenty years.
AT last his precious time-piece proved
An eight-day clock be,
And madder man than Mr.. Mears
You would not wish to see.
A Binehamton man is suing for a divorce
from his wife on the plea that she has a glass
eye that is always open nights, and the ''aspect
makes him nervous" He coaxed her to close
it with red sealng-wax, but that only increased
his terror.
A lady travelling in England writes to the
Brooklyn Argus: 81 saw Alfred Tennyson
standing dreamily at the vine-clad window of
his country villa, bathed in the rich colors of
the dying day. with chunk of mine pie In his
good right hand"
The "Daniel Deronda' bonnet has lately
made its appearance, and is much affected BY
young women who have murdered their hus-
bands and been Tilted by their lovers. After
this explanation the bonnet will probably be-
come fashionable.
AndreaoS Bdzdr:-The good old days are dead
and gone; the rich coloring has faded out of
the warp.and woof of the past, and yet we re-
joice that it is still true that pretty woman
cannot ride by her lovers side through tunnel
without emerging in hat that looks as if it
had been struck by lightning"
A gentleman recently had occasion to con-
suit his halter, but was utterly unable to find
in the store the precise article that he needed.
"Come tomorrow" SAID the hatter finally !;
II know to a t. what you require, You want
a tranquil hat with moderated and not un-
seemly gayety in the brim. Pll fix it for you
tomorrow, sure"
One night we were sitting out of doors in the
moonlight, unusually silent, almost sad. Sud-
denly some one-a poetic-lookng man, with a
gentle, lovely face-said in low tone. did
you ever think of the beautiful lesson the stars
teach us?' We gave vague, appreciative
murmur, but some soulless clod said, mo;
what is it?" Glow to wink" he answered, in
soft, sweet voice.
Burlington Hawkeye:-Last August Du-
buque widower prayed the mourners 10 nail
him up in the coffin with his dead wife, and
then he rode all the way to the grave in the
hearse, shrieking and wailing, and jumped into
the grave when the coffin was lowered. They
thought his grief would drive him to the insane
asylum. Day before yesterday he was arrested
for bigamy.
Iu certain French comedy young man
about to be married is found under somewhat
suspicious circumstances purchasing piano.
He assures his prospective father-in-law that
he intends the instrument for his bride. But
you know very well" objects the father-in-law,
that she doesn't play" "Of course do" re-
sponded the ready witted bridegroom, ''other-
wise, I shouldn't be such fool as to give her a
piano."
Burlington Hawkeye:-One thing makes us
envy the lives of the old Roman editors. They
didn't have to turn to the back of Webster 8
dictionary every time they got contribution
from some occasional correspondent to find out
the correct spelling of half-a dozen old Latin
grammar quotations dragged up from the re-
SCcoCn VI hOmOiy ouu cpOiCN Wy cur Wy tu6
scholarly correspondent, as "dulsy ct ducorena
est per padria morr0w," and "dumb uicinaust
Uiuamoga." Happy old Romans.
An old lady was going to Stamford, Conn, to
visit her daughter, and took her seat in the cars
for the first time in her life. During the ride
the car in which she was seated was thrown
down an embankment and demolished. Crawl
ing out from beneath the debris, she spied a
man who was held down in a sitting posture by
his legs being fastened. SIS this Stamford q"
she anxiously inquired. The man was from
Boston. He was in considerable pain, but be
did not lose sight of the fact that he was from
Boston, so be said: "No, this is catastrophe.
"Oh." calculated the old lady, "then I hadnt t
oughter got off here