davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12
WHOLE NO. l,O81

Ihe Post-otfice Department is PREPARING
ior exhibition at the Centennial "a COM
piete framed collection of all the United
states stamps and stamped envelopes ever
issued Arrangements have been made for
the printing, in New York, of Centennial
stamped envelopes" ;" to be sold on the Con-
uehhlal @ grounds during the Exhibition
They will be of a special design for the
occasion, and will probably be sold at the
rate OF 81 for % of the denomination of
three cents.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

Hint FOR BoREs.-Some time ovo tbaro
hved a gentleman of indolent habits. in
sussex, who made it a business. in tbn
winter season, to visit his friends eyten.
slVely' After wearing out his welcome in
his own immediate vicinity, last winter. he
thought ne would visit an old Ouakcr
friend, some twenty miles distant. who had
been an old school-fellow of his. On his
arrival he was cordially received bv the
Quaker, he thinking his visitor had taken
much pains to come so far to see him. He
treated his friend with great attention and
Polteness several days, and, as he did not
see any signs of his leaving, lie became
uneasy, but he bore it with patience till
the morning of the eighth day when he
said to him:
My friend, I'm afraid thee'H never visit
me again"
"Oh, yes, | SHALL" said the visitor. Il
have enjoyed my visit very much; shall
certainly come again"
Nay" said the Quaker, 81 think thee
will never visit me again.
"What makes you think will never
come again p asked the visitor.
IF thee does never leave" said the
Quaker, chow canst thee come again?'
The visitor left.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A Chinese cook, with a butchers hatcbet
as sharp as razor, will in ten seconds.
thoroughly bone and skin fish, so that
not particle is wasted. lie will give Won
an unbroken orange full of ten different
kinds of jelly. A Chinese acrobat is the
only man who can fall from a trapeze plump
on the top of his head and laugh at YOU.
Yet there is law forbidding Cinnamon to
carry their baskets along the streets of San
Francisco.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A man whom DR.. Chalmers engaged to
manage a disOrderly Sunday school kept
his eyes wide open during prayer, and
when one boy thrust pin into another, he
marched up the aisle, still praying, and
cutfed that boys ears, and went back again.
praying all the way. After that he was
master of the situation, for the boys
thought that man who could watch and
pray like that could not be put down.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

NOT WoRTH THE TRoUBLE.-"O it's not
worth the trouble to dress; see only my
husband" Then, madam, if your husband
Is notbetter worth pleasing than host Of
company" II is q pity you are married,
Not worth the trouble TO look better to
him than his merest acquaintances. Not
worth the trouble TO surrender yourself
with every grace and fascination that YOU
are capable Of? Then If you are neglec.
ted wife bye'and-bye, never complain, for
it is your own fault il was not worth the
trouble to have happy home.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

JOSH BILLISGs' SAYIxGs.-I never bet on
the man who is always telling what he
would have done If he had been there l
have noticed that this kind never get
there.
The fear of the law here, and the law
hereafter, has furnished us some very clever
specimens of Christianity.
Fools don't know their strength if they
did, they would keep still.
True happiness seems to consist in want.
ing all that we can enjoy, then getting all
that we want.
The best way to keep secret is to forget
n
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

lie had made hearty meal at a restau.
rant, and, rising up, he said to the cashier
Il declare, if | haven't forgotten my
wallet" The cashier fired up, and hurled
big words at him for full three minutes
before pausing for breath. When chance
came the stranger continued: But I have
hity dollars here in my vest pocket" The
cashier couldn't smile to save him.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

II we mean to support the liberty and in,
dependence which has cost us so much
blood and treasure to establish we must
drive far away the demon of party spirit
and local reproach,-r Washington.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

When California woman defeated a lion
in hand-to-hand combat the neighbors
were greatly astonished, but her husband
quietly remarked, "Oh, that's nothing.
That woman could lick the devil"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

You mean elastics,'' replied Broad,
way clerk to an old lady who asked for gar.
ters. :" suppose some high-nosed people
call 'em lasticks," she said, "but when /
GIT too stuck up to ask for garters, I'll not
box my Susan's ears for saying hose when
she means stockings" She got her garters.
Nnr York TIgrQn,.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

The combined capital Of the Rothschilds
is stated by Emile Burnouf the wel.known
publicist, 10 have attained in the present
year to the almost incalculable sum of
seventeen billions Of francs, or $3,400,000,-
600, about equal to the whole funded debt
OF Great Britain,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

We will not punish a man because he
hath offended, but that he may offend no
more nor does punishment ever look to
the past, but to the future; for it is not the
result OF passion, but that the same thing
may be guarded against in time to come
Seneca.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

IL has been custom in the Astor family,
an exchange says, to deposit 100000 in the
bank at the birth Of a son or daughter
That's sensible. No really well regulated
family should neglect to take the hint, and
do likewise.--Ne,e York Commercial Adrert;,
ser,
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

Josh Billings says: "When young man
amt good for anything else, like tew see
him carry gold-headed cane. If he can't
buy a cane, let him part his hair in the
middle =
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

All, Jenny" said sympathizing
friend to man who was Just too late for
the train, "you did not run fast enough"
Yes, did," said Jenny; "but 1 didn't
start soon enough.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

love a serious preacher, who speaks for
my sake, and not for his own; who seeks
my salvation, and not his own vainglory.
lie best deserves to be heard who uses
speech only to clothe his thoughts, and his
thoughts only to promote truth and virtue.
-HaSs;Hop.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A schoolboy'S composition on the OK
IAN OK docs not taste so good as an oyster.
but it can draw bigger load and rnn twice
as fast"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

II man has right to be proud Of any.
thing, it is Of good action done as it ought
to be, without any base interest lurking NJ
the bottom Of t.--lSferne
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

" take my tex dis morning" said
colored preacher, " from dat portion OBJ de
Scripters whar de Postal Paul pints his
pistol to de Fesions."
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

a Danbury man, wishing to engage
several bushels Of potatoes from a party in
the suburbs, asked neighLor what sort of
man he was. "Well, said the conscien.
tlous neighbor, . / don't know very much
about him, but | should think he would
make tip-top stranger"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A dandy inquired at fruit stall. " Are
these apples fit for a hog to eat Yn ~Trv
one and see," said the woman.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A lazy fellow once declared in public
company that he could not find bread for
his family. "Nor l." replied an indus,
trious mechanic; ." l am obliged to work
for it,"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A DoGMATIC DEFINITION OF THE TELE
GRAPH.-" Sam" said darkey to his ebony
brother, how am it dat dis yer telegra
carries dc news froo dem wires ?"
Well, Caesar, now s'pose dat am dos
free miles long
Nebber was sich big dog; don't b'leih
dat"
You jess wait mint; Use only illustra,
tin, you stupid niger. Now, dis Yer dog,
you see, jess puts his front feets on the
Hoboken sho', and he puts his behind feets
on de New York shO'."
"Yesser."
" Now, s'pose you walk on dis yer dogs
tail in New York"
"Yesser."
He'll bark, won't hep
"Yesser."
"Well, where will dat dog bark ??
" In HobOken, l calc'late."
Dat am jest it. You walk on de dogs
tail in New York, an he bark in Ioboken;
an dat's de way de telegraf works."
A QUESTION OF HAsH.-A young blood
much given to quizzng people went into an
eating saloon, and with quite deal of
flourish took q seat at one of the tables. |
A colored waiter approached him with
look of inquiry on his shining mug,
Well, sab ?''
"What have you got to eat ?" asked the
customer.
"o,sgot almost anything boss
"You have, ell ?''
eyes, sab, shuer."
"Almost anything. Well, well, give me
a plate of that said he, looking earnestly
nt the darkey.
The waiter returned his gaze for
and catching the fellows idea of
luizzing him, he yelled to the cook, at the
urther end of the room: ~
Gone plate of hash"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

IL is the man with tight boots who talks
most violently Of the eternal fitness of
things.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A good many New Workers leave the
straight and narrow path to walk in the
Broadway.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

" l am going to the post-office, Bob; shall
l inquire for your "WelL yes, if you
have mind to, but don't think YOU will
find me there"
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A great many men-some comparatively
small men now-if put in the right position,
would be Luthers and Columbusas
Wdpin.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

Are your words of more weight when You
propouqa anything than when you Announce
it2
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

Why is it no crime to pick chrome
agents pocketS Because he has pictures
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

EN-GoVEENoR DIX on TwEEp.-In his loo.
ture before the Association for the Ad.
Vahcement OF Science and Art, in New York
on monday evening week, Ex-Governor Div
referred 10 the escape of Tweed as follows
believe 1t may be truly said that he
was never imprisoned in strict accordance
with the sentence Of the court bv which bo
was convicted, or in the sense in which
other criminals who have been committed
Oy comparison, the most insicnifcont
Offences, undergo their sentences. The
yPicai divinity who preside, over the
administration of public Justice is always
represented as blndfolled. If her bandagc
had been taken oil on Blackwclrs Island
she would nave witnessed what has never
been seen before in the history of criminal
convict who was allowed
private secretary to help him take care of
MS piunder. 1t is not at all credtable to
us that he has used the money of which he
robbed the city to subsidize the highest
legal talent in the State to screen him from
punishment. His escape from custody.
and the indulgences extended to him
during his detention, constitute the most
ulSgraceiul chapter in the history of the
State; for 1T cannot be doubted that they
were procured by corrupting public Off
cials.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

The " Boots FADES" CASE Washingtoa,
Ja". 3.-The jury in the case of Green.
tired for falsely representing Mr.. Fades
in giving bogus bail for the burglar SNYDER
has been assailed by a damaging record.
ana the verdict is likely to be set aside, and
new trial granted. 1t seems that the
foreman OF the jury, Isaac Childs, was
thlrty years ago convicted of arson in the
otate OF Pennsylvania, and was pardoned
oy the Governor of that State. He has
hved a reputable life here for nineteen
years, but he was once drafted into the
Army and escaped by filling proofs in the
war Department of having been convict.
As lie has had this advantage from his old
conviction, he cannot now complain of the
record being used against him. There was
suihclent reason to be dissatisfied with the
verdict of acquittol which the jury gave and
to-day the proper steps were taken by Dis
trlct Attorney Wells to have the case tried
before a new jury.
This is the case which is intimately con.
nected with the Charles G. Fisher con.
spiracy trial. The acquttal of Green was
regarded as favorable to Mr.. Fishers pros.
pects.-Ed Commercial.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

The experimental trips in Brooklyn of
the steam street car built at Baldwin's Loco.
motive Works seem to have been wholly
satisfactory to the directors of the Atlantic
Avenue Railway Company and to the pub.
lie. This car seems to be free from the
chief objections usually urged against street
cars. 1t consumes its own smoke, does not
allow the escape of steam, and as a conse
quence, is substantially noiseless, and it is
furnished with steam brakes, which enable
the engineer to stop il within half its length.
The car is not much larger than am ordinary
street car. The boiler is OH the front Mat.
form, and nearly all of the machinery is nm.
derneath tho car, The machinery is de.
signed so that it may be applied TO ordinay
street cars without rebuilding them. The
car in Brooklyn was run for several DAYS,
and made the round trip in about half the
usual running time.
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12

A mnsicaIly inclined itinerant printer of
Trenton, N. J., Is styled +" 0fen-back."
Smyrna times., 1876-01-12
A Curious Romance,

! Norfolk street, in London, has a curious
commemorative monument. An observant
spectator will notice that the first floor
windows of large house at the corner of
howard street present a peculiar appear.
ahce. The shutters are up, and thew are
covered thickly with dust, while tbronob
the chnks can be seen the blinds, also thick
with dust, and moldering away with are.
These shutters and blinds have been in
exactly the same position, untoucbed for
about fifty years. During that time no
human foot, it is believed, has entered that
room' And the reason is this: Fiftv Years
ago certain nobleman was engaged TO bo
married, the day was fixed, the weddino
morning arrived, the breakfast was laid ont
III That spacious and handsome room. tho
bridegroom was ready to proceed to church
when 1t was discovered that the bride vos
missing; note in her handwriting woo
round addressed to the bridegroom briefly
inlormlng him that she had eloped with
MS best man" gay and gallant captain
OF Dragons. The Tilted bridegroom did NOT
say much but he went alone to tho roor,
III which the wedding breakfast was laid
OUT, with his own hands put up the shutters
ana drew the blinds, locked the door. and
TOOK the key. He gave orders that tbo
doors should be nailed up and barriod with |
padlocked bars, and that no one sborld |
e"''r the room again. When the house |
was let 1t was stipulated that the room in
y question should remain untouched, and
The sum of f2O0 per annum was paid to the
tenant TO compensate him for the depriya.
tion OF the use of the room. The noblemon
mas been dead some years, but it is believed
the room has never been entered since he
closed 1t, and there are the wedding
meats moldering silently away, and the
crumbling into dust in funereaI
gloom.-Lo"don Court Jou7,oL.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03

We quote Paradise aud Mt. carbon %,
track. lump. 50 nut. - /; delivered cal
load per ton, lump. 50 80: nut. ~ 40
delivered per single ton, lump. -; nu
50 %: Raum or Harrisburg coal %,
track per ear load. lump. 81 nut. slG
delivered per ton. ~ 30 Pittsburgh Goa
car loads on track, - 30 per ton singl,
ton, delivered. 30.
HIDES AND Ft'HS.
Hides are dun. hit there Is a far de
mani Tor lurs. at quotations
IIIDs-Dry hint, l2lCoI3lc. dry saltcd
lO4Gyll4c; green saitcd, 6ICoGc damaged,
price.
frRS-Wc quote Western Otter. No.
]. STAT 10; No ., s.Ha3 80: No. 3. SiG,
J %; No. I, Doe. Muk-No. |. Sla
%; No ,, j0Cn15c; No. 3. 2jc: No. L..
Zoe. Raccoon-No. !. 7jGrSOc No. 2.
zoe No. 3, 20c; No. I, Sc. Fox-Grav,
No. ! cascd, 81; No. open. 7jc: No. z,
.WaGoc; No, 3, 25c: No. !. Zoe: Red,
No. | cased, ~ 30; No. open. 81 ~.
skunk Black. SOc(asl half striped. JOa
zoe; narrow, 3jc: kittens. l5c. Opos-
s,im--SGnl0c. Bcavcr--$l h062 Musk
rat-lO' 52c. Boar--No. |, s. F; No. ,. So:
No. j, SHd3 No. | zoe.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03

bc s"cn that Geo. Fisher, E,q. proyi -
ipnal assignee of Hebron IS We'll. bank
rupts. will commence the sale ot
The goods of the above finn
TO day all goods to be- sold at
actual cot. Here Is an opportunity 10
procure good goods cheap The sale viii
continue Tor ten days ohly.
Mr.. Jas. Dcmott. proprietor 81 the
circus and mcnagcric winicring here. Is
preparing for the coming summer cam
paign. lie viii probably be ready to
start ont by the tenth OF April, at least
he expects to BE- ready by that time. Ills
stock, horses. ETC., and company of per-
formers are expected to De- here between
the 10th and 18th of the present month,
and will Immediately 20 into training.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03
KEY WEST CIGARS three for
26 ;cents, at +. Teichman's, lO2
Commercial:avenue. 2.2O-1m
2.2ij-lIn
YOv Kansas amd Colorado

The Atchison, Topeka aud Santa Fc
railroad from Kansas City AMI Atchison
on the Missouri river, via Topeka. tie
capitol OF Kansas, and the beautiful Ar
kansas valley to the Rocky Mountains.
The shortest route 10 Pucbclo IN" Grand
Canon, Colorado Springs, Manitou,
Pixies Speak, and all places OF note in the
mountain regions. The myoriic route
10 Denver aud all points In Northern
Colorado. The best route TO southern
Colorado, New Mexico aud Arizona. The
only direct route to the famous San
Juan mines. The track and equipment
is uneqnaled, trains run through from
the Missouri river TO the Rocky Noun
tains, making connections in Union de-
pots and avoiding delays and trans.
fcrs. For full descriptive circulars
maps, time tables. ETC., address
L. j. ANDERSON.
Genl Pass. Agent, Topeka. Kan.
l-lJ-dSw-ly.
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03
Sherin's Sale.

BY virtue OF u special execution to me
directed by the clerk of the circuit court OF
Alexander county, in the STATE OF Illinois,
in favor of George Bochmer, and sgair t
Rcinhold v Bclzner and Settle Be'Zue". |
VIII sell the following described property.
to.wit: The houses ii ultcd upon lots
numbered six go and seven ~, in block
numbered twcuty.,iX l2Gl, and lot
numbered three CD in block
twenty-seyCn az, in the city OF
Cairo, county OF Alex der. IN the state OF
Illinois: AID also the lpnseholl estate OF
Rcinhold V. Bclzncr aud settle BelIncr, in
and to sn.d lots six. seven, and three.
~ the property Of said Rein.
hold '. Ecl2n"r aud set
tie Hcl21yr, at public sale al the ou,hwest
door Of The court house in the city OF tro,
IN lh' county OF Alexander AMI State OF
Illinois. IN the ScyC ntconth N,tm day OF
March, \. D., 1870. ut the hour of eleven
IN O'Clock, u. N for cish IL satisfy said
execution. ALIEN, u levin,
sheriff of Alexander Co.. Illinois.
Caro-, H., Feb, ii, 1877. 2-a3-td
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03
city Of Cairo
LYNCH & HOWLEY'S
Real Estate Column
FOL, SALE.

Lot =, block q, city, on Ohio lcvce,
above Twelfth strret, outside tire limits
Very cheap. Terms liberal.
FOR RENT.
Cottage near Nineteenth and Poplar
stects. IS per month.
---Good dwelling house on Walnut, be-
tween Twenty-socond and Twenty-third
streets.
--Storc.room corner Twentieth and
Poplar streets.
business house on I.cvcc, lately oc-
cupied by Cunningham Il Stilwell.
Winters Block. suitable for Hotel
Offices or Business rooms-chcap.
---Tenements numbered 4, Sand o, in
Winters Row, 8 rooms each, for $40 per
month.
No. 10 (corncr), Sl2 So rooms.
Cottage on Sixth street, near Wash
ington avenuc-4 rooms.
Store room In "Pilot House." lately
occupied by A. HALEY.
"A small House west of Twenty
second street near Pine, 81 per month.
dwelling house on Sixth street and
jefferson avenue.
Orphan Asylum building and.p,cmi.
SEES. Rent low, to q good tenant.
--StOrp room, corner Twentieth, and
Washington avenue, $i2a month.
--Rooms In various parts OF the city.
FOR LEASE OR SALE.
Lands, In tracts to suit, near Cairo.
ISIS
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03
q he 8ulletin.
RATES az ADvrUtss,SG.

s5-Ali bills for ADVERTISING. are due and pay
able ~ ApvAsck
Transient ADVERTISING will be inserted at tbs
rate OF 81 ~ per spuare for the first insertion
aud ~ cents for each subsequent one. a liberal
discount will he male on standing and display
advertisements.
For inserting Funeral notice 81 20. Notice 81
meeting Of societies OF secret orders ~ c.uts for
each insertion
Church, society, Festival and supper notices
will only he inserted ~ advertisements
No advertisement will be received at lrss than
:" cents, and no adyerti omcbt VIII be Inserted
for less than three dollars Ucr month
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03
$4,000.

Ten thousand dollars worth OF goods
at cost. | will commence this day re-
failing the large and valuable stock Of
goods, consisting of clothing, ladies fur
nishing goods, gents furnishing goods
standard dry goods, fancy goods, jewclry,
etc., at the old stand of Hebron ~ We'll,
for cash ut actual cost. No goods dcliv-
cred until paid for.
will make it IN Object for merchants
to buy these goods in jobbing lots, for
cash in hand, in quantities to suit.
am authorized also to reel We bis
for. lhc next ten days for the purchase
in bulk OF all that portion OF said stock
which shall remain uns0ld on the morE-
ing of March lllh. Now Is the time to
buy. GEORGE FISHER,
Provisional Assignee of Hebron a
We'll, baukrupts.
Cairo, Feb. 3, 1876. 3-3li
The Cairo bulletin. [volume] (Cairo, Ill.) 1872-1878, 1876-03-03

idly.
The weather was clear and cold.
Business very quiet.
GENERAL ITEMS.
The st. Francis Belle j. going into the
Cincinnati and Kentucky river trade.
Forty head of cattle were burned to
death on the Mary Bell.
Capt. Jack Grammar. superintendent
OF the Cairo and Evansville packet com
pany, is in Memphis. lie has passct
through trials and trlbulations since lrav
ing home. having been passenger OF
the sleeping car that burnt near Hum
boldt few days ago, through which nc
cident he lost Il line gold watch aud chain
and several suits OF clothes.
The burned Mary Bell was named in
honor of the estmablc wife OF Captain
Jesse X. Bell, of New Orleans. who was
| a part owner of the boat.
The Petona and bargcs came up from
| New Orleans with a fair trip.
| The Robert Mitchell came down with
big trip. She added a little frcigh,
here. and went her way.
The Jim Fisk had good trip down
yesterday, and went back willa fair one
The Jim Fisk j. the packet for Padu-
cah thiscvcnng. She leaves At } O'Clock
harp.
The Mary Houston passed up with
Il lnir trip. She put oil here II barrels
anl half barrel molnsscs, II sacks coffee,
aud | hos.hcad sugar Tor Nashville, aud
- boxes oranges aud lemons Tor ,hi5
city.
The bermuda take the Mary IInus-
tons Nashville freight.
I'll, Fearless, with n tow of iron ore,
passed up the ohio from st. Louis yes
tcrday.
The GOV. Allen, with n tow of bargcs
arrived from New Orleans and went into
quarters near the Stone depot. Her com
manlcr had not decided whether he
would keep on up the Ohio, or go to st.
Louis. but will head for the place where
freight is the most plentiful.
The Bermuda came down with 90 tons
pig iron, 10 tons of manufacturing iron,
Is tons of tobacco, and some miSccllanc-
Gus freight,
JIp Biggs arrived from Hot Springs
yesterday, by the first train Oh the G. a.
q Il. railroad. since its completion to that
point, the narrow gauge road, which has
been in course of construction tor several
months, from Malvourn, TO the Springs,
having been completed last weck. Jim left
his family ut the Hot Springs hotel, where
they will remain during the summer,
lie reports everything lovely there, aud
says that within the past three months.
Board has been reduced from $50 To $50
per month, and people can now receive
the benefits of this great Watering place
and live rs cheap rs they can in this city.