The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1876-12-14
PENCIL AND SCISSORS.

evil.-Bion.
WHEN does water resemble gymnast?
When it makes spring.
ALL men are not homeless, but some
men are home less than others.
Two heads are better than one---es-
pecially from a hatter's point of view.
TRUTH sometimes tastes like medicine,
but that is an evidence that we are i'll.
IA. d. F." You are wrong. An
apiary is not a place for keeping
monkeys.
MODEST men conceal their joys as well
as their SORROWS, for they consider the
one as undeserveda as the other.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. A A
trial trip-A ride in the Black Maria. A
pressing business Cider making.
CHOOSE the course which lyou adopt,
with deliberation; but, when you have
adopted it, then persevere in it with
6rmness.
IT is stated that sixty thousand
Philadelphia families will break up
housekeeping on the first of January and
start around the country making Cen
tennial calls.
"MY business is to talk" said stump
speaker. 81 deal in words and SEN
tences." eyes, said a voice in the
crowd, "and as long as have known
you, your place of business has never
been closed" =---=-==-=--
BROOKLYN Argus: A person by the
name of Bruno Tzchuck is Secretary OF
the State of Nevada. 1t is one of those
names that encourages inebriety, as none
of his friends can pronounce it correctly
unless they are drunk.
Two gallons of whisky were consumed
by a colored man before he fully re-
covered from the bite of tarantuia. 1t
| was then discovered that he had been
stung by wasp. The men who contrib
uted the whisky were too mad to speak
above a whisper.
TIE mill wheels frozen in the stream,
The church is decked with holly;
| Mistletoe hangs from the kitchen beam,
To fright away melancholy;
Icicles elink in the milkmaid's pail,
Younkers skate in the pool below;
| Blackbirds perch on the garden rail,
| And hark, how the cold winds blow
| There goes the squire to shoot at snipe,
| Here runs Dick to fetch log;
| You'd swear his breath was the smoke Of pipe
In the frosty morning fog.
Hodge is breaking the ice for the klne,
Old and young cough as they go;
The rCud red sun forgets to shine,
And bark, how the cold winds blowi
In Billaucourt, Belgium, is a cherry
tree upon which has been grated an
apple. The fruit precisely resembles
cherries. the same size, the same form,
and nearly the same color: but its taste
is that of an apple, and it contains SEEDS
instead of stones.
THERE are three things that foot
benches in church pews are made for
yea. four-namely, to get in the way Tor
strangers to fall over; to fly up and MT
a man on the nose when his head Is
bowed; to tip over in the most soienin
part of the minister's prayer, and 10
make more noise than a flock OF goats
set loose on barn floor.
CIVILIZATION, says Emerson, is the
result of highly complex organization.
! In the snake all the organs are sheatnea
no hands, no wings, no feet, no ms In
bird and beast the organs are released
and begin to play. In man they are al
unbound and full of joyful action.
With this unswaddling he receives the
absolute illumination we call reason
J and thereby true liberty.
AN Englishman was accosted thus
"What will you take to stand all nigns
in the tower of st. Paups% A beef
steak and pint of beer," was the franz
/ reply. The next one thus accosted was
a Scotchman. Says Sandy, "WhatH ye
: giew Lastly came along Patrick, and
|, when asked what he would take to stano
: all night in the tower of st. PauPs, III
: wittily answered, can sure an I'd b'
7 ant to take bad cold"