Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1876-12-29

Tillers OF the soil steer the world.
Never look gift mule in the hind foot.
Budi Doble's troddig adibal, Godesbith
BaId, will widter ID CsdlioIdia. -Norr's-
foisa Herald.
Ben johnson is living IN Chatham, n
c., at the age of is. lie must be u rare
ben second.
A cripple IN Cincinnati court, being
asked whether he was guilty, answered ,
guess | am, judge; but III ike TO be
tried all the same.
Boston girls generally write poems on
the Immortality ot the soul until they are
old enough to swing on the garden gate
with a Young man OF honorable Intentions.
ST LOUIS Globe Democrat.
The editor OF the Augusta (Ga.) Constr
iuiioaaiist is 50 hard up and afraid OF has
creditors that when he made an Item of the
TACT that it was difficult to get change for q
dollar bill he felt Obliged to add personal
explanation that 1t was not his money.
A western boy said the ether boys gun
would not carry one hundred and nifty
yards. and offered TO be Il target ct that dis
lance lie acknowledged his mistake, how
ever, btlOIc INC QONAOi HAShNH ~ ehS
shot out ot HIM.
An Atlantic girl sat on her lover hat and
kept han tueTe hours over tlme.-Er. The
next thal young man goes to SEE his girl he
should hang hts hat on d nail instead vi
holding i; III his .ap.-N0rristorn Herald.
Levi, to man with second hand coat to sell;
| "Do You know how much | wouldn't gif
for that goat? l gIt twelve shlllings. "
Owner = It's worth i've dollars" g Fife
iollar? Shust walt till gall my vile and
dell dot We hat lunatlc In der store. Why
mine goot TRENT, YOU must hat been sun
stroke by dlr heat las, summer" And he
got it Tor two dollars. Same man IN the
evening TO Levi, while examining same
coat. How much for this Old coat ~
"Old goat why, dot goat was made only
last week, and worn to one pardy." III
give YOU Two dollars" Two, Here,
wife. hurry up Put up der plinds, lock
the doors. Shust tink OF dot man offering
me two tollars for dot goat what you
bought Of d great alderman Yesterday for
five"
Things is getting siouchways in dis
country, 1 declsr' TO grashus et dey amt -
said an old negro, the other day. "Fust
cum dc cattypiiler, den de chicken kollery
an now here cum dc grasshoppers, an
hear talk dc udder day dat u niger was
pisened with u nushmilhou Looks like
hs I'd times,-you heerd my horn. Sdran-
nah Netps.
Is there al opening here for an intel
lectual writer?' said very reG-iacel
youth, with the cork Of bottle stacking
out Of his vest pocket. The editor with
l. -.
and said, An opening? Yes. sir; kiEd
aud cunsiderate carpenter, iore,eeing your
visit, lett AL opening for you. TurL the
knob to tho night
Tho great loving heart of man will low DO
startled lust a. suun as his tired and eXhaus-
ted body touches the bed, by that old iamil-
lar cry Of: Goodness gracious, what cold
feet you've goi."
Wonderful stories are told Of canary
bird owned by ia lawyer in Virginia City,
Nevada, which never goes into its cage to
sleep, but flies about its owners Office at
will. Ii is said to chew tobacco, eat muci-
lege, and drink ink.
Nothing makes young man so happy as
to get around to the postothce alter it is closed
and see letter in his box; to have his heart
whisper that it Is from her; to dream sweet
and tender iancies, hsllowed with loves
sacredness, all night, and 10 come down in
the morning and find bill for $3.50 for his
las; years business suit.
The Citizen Soldier relates the following
Notwithstanding reports to the contrary.
many OF our militia do attend divine SER
vice, and some are devout worshippers. IS
many know; but last Sunday ex-Maior L
- attended church in this city, and hav-
Ing been up pretty late the night before st
the annual reunion Of his old regiment. be
fell asleep, and when the passer round Of
the contribution box nudged him he partial
ly aw0ke, smiled. and murmured, 81
don's smoke, thank you" and dropped Of
again.