Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-08-25
WHOLE NO. 29S.
FACT AND FANCY.

Sioux squaws do not wear striped stock
ings. Three streaks of green paint arc
cooler and cleaner.
This week amateur astronomers are on the
watch for meteors. Mind you don't get
your arm around her, though
Question for debating societies-Which is
the most dangerous, TO have a man shot at
ball, or to have ball shot at mani
A New York pickle dealer is rightly
named "Brine," and his neighbor, the mat
tress seller, answers to the name of "Husk."
A poet has been struggling with the ques-
tion, "What IS success ?" Some think it is
plenty Of money and handsome mustache.
An Irishman complained to his physician
that he had stuffed him so much with drugs,
that he was sick long time after he got
we'll.
"Are you lost, my little fellow ?" asked a
gentleman of four-year-old on Main street
Saturday. "No" he sobbed in reply, "b-bu.
m.my mother is"
"What are you2" said the judge. "I'm
conchologst," was the reply. "What's
that 2" asked his honor. 80, well you see,"
explained the prisoner, 81 open oysters down
in Mickey Films saloon ~
The caucus managers are getting ready
for the annual campaign, and soon it will
be-: "Well, you see, my dear, the caucus
held rather late" when he is out after mid.
night
"What kind of picture would you pre-
fer, Miss 2" inquired Newark photographer
Of lady customer. "Well," was the reply,
stake me with al expression as if 1 were
writing poem on the centennial"
A hundred years ago, when you called on
q girl she kissed you good.by. Now, if you
suggest anything of the sort, her father calls
you into the library and asks you what you
are worth. Are we a nation? And is
progress2
The Dutch have way of curing laziness
by putting the patient in cistern and turn
ing on a stream of water which runs in at
one side as fast as the man by steady work
can pump it out. There is nothing to do
but pump or die.
That wicked Louisville Courier Journal
has the audacity to say that "the story of
| Sojourner Truths death was doubtless start
ed by some earnest reformer in the hope
that Truth might for once get into the Re-
publican papers.
The Servians have been driven out of
Gurgusovatz Harvatovitch has fallen back
on Alexinatz; SevenYearsovitch has defeated
Crackyerjawigatz, and Pulldownyervestovitc
has inflicted crushing blow on Wipofyer-
chinoski.
A San Francisco paper is pleasant
reading while one is enjoying apost-prandial
cigar. Here is a paragraph: A China
man died Of smallpox while lying on heap
of tobacco that was afterwards used in max
ing cigars.
A new clothier in Daubury, Conn.,, has
excited public curiosity by having large
apple painted on his sign. When asked for
an explanation he quietly inquired: "If it
hadn't been for an apple where would the
ready. y.made clothing stores be to day.
The honor of the best centennial joke is
accorded to the emperor of Brazil On
learning the number of revolutions per min
ute of the great COrliss engine at the Phila-
delphia exhibition, he said; That beats
our South American republics"
A little Danbury girl was trying to mako
her doll sit up straight at the table, but she
was meeting with difficulty. Finally she
gave it slap alongside the head, aud ex-
citedly exclaimed "You sit up there,
young lady, or not single step shall you go
with me to the centennial p
A Detroiter who didn't know exactly how
to get letter registered sent some money
away the other day and wrote on the enve-
lope: Registered with two dollar bill
inside" Fearing that this might not be
strong enough, one of his friends wrote
an swear that l saw Jim put two dollars
in this"
At the closing Of concert, while young
man was struggling with his hat, cane, over
coat, opera.glass. and his young lady's fan,
all of which he was trying to retain on his
lap, suspicious.ooking black bottle fell
on to the floor with thud. "There," he ex-
claimed to his companion, 81 shall lose my
cough medicine" That was presence Of
mind for you.
Says letter concerning "private theatri-
cals:" "Of course, dear, no one would be
the messenger (what amateur ever would p
so at last we had to impress one of the foot
men into the service; but the stupid thing,
instead of rushing on and shouting: My
Lord, Jeanne dare has been executed, with
fire and stake, in the market-place in Rouen !!
walked on just as if he were announcing
luncheon, and drawled out, 'M'lud, Johnnie
Dark as bin hexecuted frying steak in the
market.place in ruins"
In the agricultural hall of the centennial
exhibition there are two immense hogs stuffed
each bearing placard telling their age, &c.
. followed by the word "taxidermist." A
man and his wife were looking at these with
/ great interest. After reading the placards
the woman said "Why, these are taxi.
dermists. l thought they were hogs" Her
husband looked at the creatures with a puz.
zled expression, and then went carefully
over the placards as if TO satisfy himsel
, fully on the point. Finally he replied
They are hogs. TaxideSnist is the name
Of the place they came from"
Your visits remind me of the growth oI
a successful newspaper, said Uncle Jabez
leaning his chin ON his cane and gaucng
T at William Henry, who was sweet on An
gelica.
Why sol inquired William.
Well, they commenced as a weekly, grew
TO be tri-weekly, and have become daily
: with Sunday supplement.
Yes, said William Henry, bracing up
and after we are married, we will issue al
- extra
! sh-h, said Angelica, aud then they wen
out for stroll.
In Cincinnati, the other day, a contes
took place between two bOotblacks, each Il
"do" one foot of the man with the bigges
feet in the city, aud the one getting through
g first to have the championship and the stakes