Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-06-12
A beneficial strike-striking a Job.

Marriage is described by French
cynic as tiresome book with very fine
preface.
Mrs. Ira Mead, of Greenwich, who is
one hundred and six years old, says:
"Few people die after they get to be a
hundred"
Another conscientious man is opposed
to opening the Centennial Exhibition on
Sunday. He says Sunday is the only
day he gets time to 60 fishing
Victor Hugo has joined the cremation
lists. He says it makes but little differ
ence whether we are burned here or
hereafter.
A man said the only reason why his
dwelling was rot blown away in the late
storm was because there was heavy
mortgage on it.
Shocked and astounded verger-"YOu
bad and wicked boy, why don't you take
off your hat in church ?" Bad and
wicked bOy-"If you please, sir, I'm a
little girl"
Man" says Victor Hugo, ''was the
conundrum of the eighteenth century;
woman is the conundrum of the nine
teenth century" An editor adds, 1--WE
can't guess her, but will never give her
up. No, never"
81 specs, my b'luvved hearers" said
a colored parson, ii specs to-day to take
broad field in my 'scourse. 1t takes
me good vile to git away from de dock.
but wen | once strikes de deep water,
den look out fur de big fish,"
The Rev. Sydney Smith being asked
by lady why it was reported that there
were more women in the world than
men, he replied, lit is in conformity
with the arrangements of Nature,
madam we always sec more Of heaven
than of earth"
A negro about dying was told by his
minister that he must forgive a certain
darkey against whom he seemed to en-
tertain very bitter feelings. ''Yes, sab,
he replied, ''if | dies / forgive dat
nigga but if l gets well. dat nigga
must take care 7"
A lady whose worse half was motor
iOus for his ill-temper, said she had the
most even-tempered husband in the
world. "Why, how is that?" exclaimed
one Of her friends. "Why, you see, he
is always in arage," was the satisfactory
answer.
An old Baptist minister enforced the
necessities Of difference of opinion by
argument: "Now. if everybody had
been of my opinion. they would all have
wanted my old woman" One Of the
deacons who sat behind him responded
"Yes; and if everybody was of my opin-
ion nobody would have her."
A German peddler sold man a liquid
for the determination of bugs. "And
how do you use it % inquired the man,
after he had bought it. "Ketch de bug.
and drop Won little drop into his mout, T"
answered the peddler. "You do !'' ex-
claimed the purchaser. could kill it
in half the time by stamping on it. "
"Vell," exclaimed the German, "that is
good way. too.
He was a very young man. A few
stray hairs upon his lip attested the fact
that he was engaged in deadly strug-
gle with a moustache. He went into a
variety store on Washington street and
said 10 the proprietor "Have you Charles
Reade's Lost Heir 2 - "No. haven't. .
replied the storekeeper. But" he con-
tinued. looking into the young mans
face. live got something that will make
that moustache Of yours start out like
boils in spring-time.
Five boys took all Of Friday TO catch
fish. They tramped about fifteen miles,
imbedded hook in most undesirable
part for hooks in one of the party, had
a fight in which one Of the boys lost
three teeth, and another two. lost their
lines, also a straw hat. They were gone
eight hours Net result Of the trip I:
One fish. three black eyes, five stone
bruises, and a small assortment Of blis-
ters. This is a part of the bOasted civ
ilIzation of the nineteenth century.