American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1876-01-22
MULTUM IN PARYO.

/
A GOOD hotel at night is like a railroad
bed-full of sleepers.
THE center of gravity-the lowest but
ton on Quaker's vest.
THE New York Sun wants a Governor
who will write a message only six inches
long.
THE more man OF woman knows the
less he gossios about neighbors. Culture
kills CAB.
A VIRGINIAN goes to school to his wife,
and she makes him stay after school when
he's unruly.
PROFANITY and plug tobacco are the
crutches on which many a boy walks to a
loafer's grave.
THE Alta California wants every man
who wears a diamond on his shirt front
arrested on suspicion.
CENTENNIAL girls that will be in de-
mand this year-those with red cheeks,
whiteskin and blue eyes.
"WHY, Mary Ann. what in the world
are you doing with the scissors ?'' Shure
yez tOuld me to scallop the oysters"
ACCORDING to recent statements ten
steamers and 800 lives have been lost on
the Pacific coast within the past few years.
WHY is it that butchers and grocers will
insist on putting " Happy New Year, at
the foot OF an outrageously big bill?
COLUMBUS discovered America, but
when boy he had as much difficulty in
seeing an empty wood box or water pail
as any other boy.
! A CONTEMPORARY gravely asserts that
the entrance of the centennial year was
more demonstratively celebrated than any
of its predecessors
MEN of genius always get into debt, but
every man who fails to pay his board bill
is not necessarily genius. He is another
kind of genius-a deceased vegetable.
! A NEVADA Chinaman cut down six tel
| egraph poles for firewood and used the
wire TO make fox traps. He was last seen
| going up hill. There was a man after
| him.
LADIES porte-monnaies are usually
called pocket books, but, since they are
! invariably carried in the hand, wouldn't
! it be speaking more properly to refer to
them as hand books ?"
$50 YOU wouldn t take me to be twenty?'
said a rich heiress to an Irish gentleman,
| while dancing the polka. "What would
you take me for, then. 2" For better or
| worse" replied the son of the Emerald
Isle
A DANDY, getting measured for a pair
of riding boots, observed: " Make them
cover the calf" g Heavens" exclaimed
the shoemaker, astounded, surveying his
enough
YOUNG MAN, when an old man tells
you that people can never love but once,
set him down as a deceiver. If the girl
has money in the bank every time, a man
can love forty different girls.
THE shortest will on record reads:
San Francisco, Oct. %, 1875. All the
property that I have belongs to my wife,
s anna sche5R This is p my Will Krn. Franz ram
Orths, T. B. Moorbrick.''
PRoF. T1cE seems suddenly to have lost
his influence on the weather, as all his
predictions for the winter have failed.
After all we shall have to fall back on the
old fashioned almanac weather tables for
anything approaching correct prophecies.
-Detroit Free Press.
THERE is no better, no safer way, no
easier way, no surer way of saving chill
dren from the debasing influences of the
street, from corrupting association and
from the acquisition of vicious and hurt
full practices, than to make home attract
ive.-W. W. Hall.
DID it ever occur 10 you, kind mammas.
asks the thoughtful Boston Transcript,
while trottlng your babies on your laps in
such vigorous way, that if some giant,
about ten times your size, were to trOt you
in similar style the breath would be
very apt to be jounced out of your body?
A FEW weeks ago pond of water in
North Alabama suddenly disappeared
with a loud, rumbling sound, to the great
dismay of a couple of gentlemen who
were standing .on its banks preparing to
shoot ducks. A large hole is all that re-
mains to mark the spot where was the
runaway pond.
NEAR Hillsboro' N H., lives swain,
who supports an aged father with the aid
of about two dollars week from the
town. A short time since one of the
Selectmen called on him and expressed
the idea that a dollar ought in future TO
a dollar!' was the reply of the astonished
SON" why, you ought to see the old
devil eatr' The deduction was not in
sisted upon.
THE Bureau of Statistics of the Detroit
Free Press estimates that ":here have
been but lbs, 800 newspaper slurs at pull
back dresses up to date" These figures
are large, and it is no wonder they in
spired the poet to the utterance of these
burning words:
Oh, let poor woman's clothes alone;
They're none of your concern;
She never makes no fun of yOur'n,
Then why poke fun at her'n?
A LOUISVILLE drummer stopped not
long since at one of our Green River ho-
tells, and the next morning cham bermald |
came in to arrange his room. He APP
preached her, and. gently putting his arm
around her waist, said: +" You are my |
darling" and then stole kiss from her |
red, pouting lips. What did she do? |
Why, she seized the fOOt-tub where he had |
just washed his feet, and bathed his head
with the contents; then she shampoOed
his hair with the coal grabs; periImed
him with the water in the slop- bucket:
washed his hair and whiskcrs with the
backing brush; rubbed him down with a
brush that had been used the day before |
in painting the hearth, and knocked the
dust out of his clothes with a poker. Then
doubling up her fists and shaking them
at him she said This (ths right one) |
is certain death, but as Pm not the fool
killer I'll not use that on you; this the
left one) is six months in the hospital"
Then she hit him blow that sent him
through the window. He alighted on the
roof OF a shed-roO and rolled off into
pig-sty in the back yard. This disturbed
the big dog, and his dander riz," and
he fastened on to that drummer quick, |
which brought him to halt, and the serv-
ants fastened to his relief. He was taken
to Jail as a supposed insane tramp or show
man, and the local paper in its next issue
gave a long account of the mysterious dis
appearance of a Louisville drummer from
the - House, who left without taking
his baggage or paying his hotel bill
Hartford (Ky.) Herald
Pointed Paragraphs.
PITY them folks who won't believe