Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-06-29

The credit OF devlslng 1t mas recently
been attributed to several different
persons. The recipe is as follows:
Take 4 parts gum arabic, parts starch
and one part sugar. Reduce to a fine
powder and mix well. The powder
should be kept in a well.corked bottle,
and when required for use mix little
of the powder with water, to every
ounce of which ten drops of glycerine
have been added.
EVERY MAN A POET.
Full and Complete Directions for Making Ep-
les, Lyrics, Odes, Etc.
From Letter Of N. D. Conway:
My readers will, perhaps, relish
some bits of English humor which I
have just got hold of, in little anony-
nous tractate bearing the attractive
title. ''Every Man His Own Poet; or,
The Inspired Singers Receipt Book"
Proceeding from the general principles
that in this age Of progress the mys-
terry of yesterday is the common place
of to-day, and that the object of poetry
being to give pleasure, nobody's vers-
es can please man so much as his
own, the writer says that the main art
of the modern poet is like that of the
cook-to prepare delicate repast out
of the poorest materials. Alike the
cook and the poet deal with animals.
vegetables, and spirits. The earlier
masters used to mix these, but the
modern employ the materials sepa.
rately.
'sThus Mr.. Sw.nb.rne uses very little
else than animal matter in the compo-
sition of his dishes, whilst
the late Mr.. Wordsworth, OH the con-
trary, confined himself almost exclus-
lively to the confectiOn of primrose
pudding and flint soup, favored with
the lesser celandine, and only now and
then a beggar boy boiled down in it to
give it 4 Color
After further business-like remarks
of this kind the writer comes to his
first recipe, which is for making ''an
ordinary love poem.'
| :'Take two large and tender human
hearts, which match one another per
fectly. Arrange these close together,
but preserve them from actual contact
by placing between them some cruel
barrier. Wound them both in several
places, and insert through the open
ings thus made a fine stutfing of wild
yearnings, hopeless tenderness, and a
general admiration for stars. Their
completely cover up one heart with q
sufficient quantity of churchyard
mould, which may be garnished &C
cording to taste with dark waving
weeds or tender violets, and promptly
break over the other heart"
In rural places, owning small weekly
papers, the receipt for "patheti<
marine poem'' will perhaps prove in
teresting, since it is easy, pleasing
and not unWhOlesOme:
stake one midnight storm, and one
fisherman family, which, if the poem
is to be real success, should be a
large and hungry as possible, and must
contain at least one innocent infant
Place this last in a cradle. with the
mother singing over it, being careful
that the latter be dreaming Of angels
or else smiling sweetly. Stir the ia
Their we'll up until he disappers. The1
get ready Immediately 4 quantity OF
cruel, crawling, foam, in which serve
up the father directly on his reappear
ance, which is sure to take place in III
hour or two, in the dull red morning
This done, charming saline efferves
cence will take place among the re
mainder of the family. Pile up thu
agony to suit the palate, and then thu
poem will be ready for persual."
/ The writer processes to be in pos
session Of the original directions from
which the laureate composed thu
Arthurian Idyls, and gives q great lit
erary curiosity, the method of making
an epic like Mr.. T.nn.s-n. We are to](
here to first catch 4 hero, or rather
as only Carlyle can achieve that--tt
catch the nearest approach to here
available, namely. a prig. But it mus
not be the scientific, or the Anglican
or the ultramontane prig, not yet TIN
evangelical prig. who converts tn.
heather and drinks port wine. Thu
only one entirely suitable is the blame
less variety.
stake, then, one blameless prig
Set him upright in the middle of :
round table, and place beside him :
beautiful wife, who cannot abide prigs
Add to these one married goodly man
and tie the three together in a bundle
with link or two of Destiny. Pro
coed, next, to surround this gr0ul
with large number of men and WON
en- of the nineteenth century, in fancy
ball costume, favored with a great
many very possible vices, and few
impossible virtues. Stir these briskly
about for volumes, to the great an
noyance of the blameless prig, who is
however, to be kept carefully below
swearing point for the whole time
If he once boils over into any natura
action or exclamation, he is forthwith
worthless, and you must get another
Next break the wife's reputation into
small pieces, and dust them we'll ove1
the blameless prig. Then take few
walls of tribulation and wrath, ant
empty these generally over the whole
ingredients of your poem; and, taking
the sword of the heather, cut int
small pieces the greater part of YOU
minor characters. Then wound slight
ly the head of the blameless prig re
move him suddenly from the table
and keep in a cool barge for future
use.'
Having thus had the audacity to sup
ply Tennysonian recipe, it need MOI
be wondered that this culinary author
ity simplifies the "Satanic poem,
which, however, he states to have be
come less fashionable since the time Of
the late lamented Byron.
Take couple of fine deadly sins
and let them hang before your eye:
until they become racy. Then taxi
them down, dissect them, and stew
them for some time in q solution Of
weak remorse, after which they are tx
be deviled with mock despair
This, however, is the only instance
in which the writer deals with any but
living models. The following is hi.
recipe for ga poem like Mr.. M-tth-ev
A-u-ld g.
"Take one soulful of involuntar,
unbelief, which has been previously
well.flavored with well.satisfied de
spair. Add to this one beautiful tex
Of scripture. Mix these we'll together
and as soon as the abullitien com
mences, crate in finely a few regretfu
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