The Portland daily press., 1876-03-25

likewise give it the preference over the rasp-
| berry for feeding cows, as being more filling
| and fully as satisfying. The pumpkin is the
| only esculent of the orange family that will
| thrive in the North except the gourd and one
or two other varieties of squash. But the
custom OF planting in the front yard with the
shrubbeIry is fast going out of vogue, for it is
| now generally conceded that the pumpkin as
a shade tree is failure.
snow, as the warm weather approaches,
and the ganders begin to spawn
The excited lisener sprang toward me to
shake hands, and said:
There, there-that will do. l know am
all right now, because you have READ IL just
as did, word for word. But, stranger, when
first read it this morning, said TO myself,
never, never believed it before, notwlth-
standing my friends kept me un 6r watch SO
strict. but now | believe am crazy; and
With that fetched howl that you might
have heard two miles, and started out to kill
somebody-because, you know, l knew it
would come to that sooner or later, and so |
might as well begin. l read one of them par
aeraphs over again so as to be certain, and
then burned my house down and started.
have crippled several people, and have got
one fellow up tree, where can get him /! 1
want him. But thought | would call in
here as passed along and make the thing per
iCS''J Scitdib anu DOW IL u CtIldIu, anu L
tell you it is lucky for the chap that is in the
tree. l should have killed him, sure as went
back. Good by, sir, good-by; you have taken
great load off my mind. My reason has
stood the strain Of one OF your agricultural
articles, and know that nothing can unseat
it now. Good-by, sir.'
felt little uncomfortable about the Grip
pings and arson this person had been enter
tanning himself with, for I could not help
feeling remotely accessory to them. But the
thoughts were quickly banished, for the regu
lar editor walked in. 1 thought to myself,
now, if you had gone to Egypt, as I had rec
commended you 10, might have had chance
to get my hand IN, but you wouldn't do it,
and here YOU are. 1 sort of expected you.
The editor was looking sad, perplexed and
detected.
He surveyed the wreck which that old RIO
ter and those two young farmers had made,
and then said: ''This is sad business-a very
sad business. There is the mucilage bottle
broken, and six panes of glass, and spittoon
and two candesticks. But that is not the
worst. The reputation of the paper is in
jured-permanently, fear. True there rev.
er was such call for the paper before, and it
never sold such large edition or scared to
such celebrity, but does one want to be ia
nous for lunacy, and prosper upon the mfr
mites of his mind? My friend, as l am an
pie, and others are roostng on the fence,
waiting to get glimpse of you, because they
think you are crazy. And well they might
after reading your editorials. They are dis.
grace to journalism. Why, what put it into
your head that you could edit paper of this
nature? You do not seem to know the first
rudimenis of agriculture. You speak of q
furrow and harrow as being the same thing;
you talk OF the moulting season for cows, and
bo % {bo
polecat on account of its playfulness and its
excellence as ratter. Your remark that
clans will lie quiet if music will be played to
them was uperfuous-ea.irely superfuous.
Nothing disturbs clans. CLAIMS always lie
quiet. CLAIMS care nothing whatever about
music. And heavens and earth, friend! If
you had made the acquiring of ignorance the
study OF your life you could not have gradua-
ted with higher honor than you could to-day.
l never saw anything like it. Your observa-
tion of the horse-chestnut, as an article of
commerce steadily gaining in favor, is simply
calculated to destroy this journal. 1 want
you to throw up your situation and 60. I
want no more holiday-I could not enjoy it if
had it. Certainly not with you in my chair.
/ would always stand in dread of what you
may be going to recommend next. 1t makes
me lose all patience every time think of your
discussing oyster beds under the head of
I1duuSCdpc OdIuCuluS. L WduG yOu W EOs
Nothing on earth could persuade me to take
| another holiday. Oh why didn't you tell me
you didn't know anything about agriculture"
"Tell you, you cornstalk, you cabbage, you
son Of a caulifower! It's the first time I
ever had such an unfeeling remark. 1 tell
you have been in the editorial business going
on fourteen years, and it is the first time
ever heard of mans having to know any
thing in order to edit newspaper. You
ftrr. .i,lt he 80
| for the second-rate players? Why, a parcel
of promoted shoemakers and apprentice
| apothecaries, who know just as much about
good acting as l do about good farming.
Who review the books? People who never
wrote one. Who do up the heavy leaders on
| finance? Parties who have the largest OPP
portunities for knowing nothing about it.
Who critcse the Indian campaigns? Gentle
men who do not know war-whoOp from a
wig IVAN, and who have never had to run
foot-race with a tomahawk, OF pluck arrows
out oil the several members of their families
| to build the evening campfire with. Who
| write the temperance appeals and clamor
| about the flowing bowl? Folks who will
never draw another sober breath ill they do
1T in the grave. Who edit the agricultural
| papers, you yam? Men, as a general thing,
who fail in the poetry line, yellow-covered
| novel line, sensation drama line, city.editor
| temporary reprieve from the poor-house.
You try to tell me anything about the news
paper business! Sir, have been through it
from Alpha to Omaha, and tell you the less
man knows the bigger noise he makes and
the higher salary be commands. Heaven
knows, i'll had been ignorant, instead of
cultivated, and impudent instead of djffident,
could have made a name for myself in this
cold, selfish world. l take my leave, sir.
Since have been treated as you have treated
me, am perfectly willing to go. But have
done my duty. 1 have fulfilled my contract
as far as was permitted to do it. / said I
| could make your paper of interest TO all class
es-and 1 have. 1 said L could run your
circulation up to twenty thousand copies,
and if 1 had it two more weeks I'd have done
it. And I'd have given you the best class of
readers ever an agricultural paper had-not
farmer in it, nor solitary individual who
could tell watermelon tree from peach
vine to save his life. You are the loser by
this rupture, not me, pie plant. Adios."
III