The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-02-12
BORROWED clothes never fl.

HARD tliheS-fNSn the days are short.
How to make hens lay Tie their legs
ABrRGLAR's soliloquy -Watcha and prv
AREALestate man motto--"N ct words
but Deeds
lr is impolite to saga man has CHECK"
say facial area"
FELTslippcrs- Those worn by mothers
of disobedient boys.
Man born without feet must ncccs-
sarily he notorious.
Two heads are better than one, from A
hatters point of view.
POETS are born. not made. and it is re-
marknblc that very few are born.
SHE stoops to conquer" was written
before the days of pin-back skirts.
"o'TnELLo" is the way that an Irish
typo conposcs tho name of the Moor of
Venice
MIKE. Mike stop scratchin yer hcod
hye.. ~ won't marin; they began on
Nova Scotians bequcath their money
by II will. but they obtain il from III.
"cod-l-scll."
ACo>E street landlady's excuse for the
state OF the butter Was that the cows fol
on harchclls.
HE best way to take n sponge bath is
to go toa hotel. tako bath, and then
tell them to charge it.
The first man who used a sock in
which to hoard away his dollars, WIS the
original sock dolar-ger.
AN alderman. invited to attcnd tho
Centennial. replied, ~ can't attend this
one, but I'll go next time"
WHAT'S the difference between n girl
and night cap? One is born to wed
anu tho other is worn to bed.
A NEGRO, overl"id 800 on check re-
turned the money: sure Indication that
the race can never be civilized.
THERE is no special style of engraving
engagement rings. a spiders web with
iiy III 1t IL very pretty device.
A LADY asked II gentleman how old he
was. llo replied, "What you do in cv-
erythlng. What was his age?- XII.
T"ry nay it's very healthy for young
men to 30 ont of bed ut six i'm the morn
ing and split wood for an hour. Tried it,
WHAT an infinite blessing in % family
IL cnkc-paddle. II is useful alike To
turn up the buckwhcats and tho Young
ones.
CORRESPONDENT asks, "What wood
IS the best for winter use?" Your uciyh
bors wood is pretty good, if kept in a.
dry place.
Since the dynamite explosion abroad
it is fashionable with the average man to
call his house his "Moscl." There's
where he gets blown up.
"LTzA, what did Jake die wid?" Law
honey, 1t was do seriolls-olc final come
an git us (slIe meant ccrel,,'o sui,,ak man,
imgiis) and he died hard"
SCAN you work miracles ~ askedM Mr..
Skeptic ut Il camp-mecting. The brcth
ron kicked him Off the grounds with tho
reply. 1--WE can cast out devils"
MARIA Davis, charged with bigamy at
the Old Bailey, London, was released be-
cause the first husband, being totally
blind, was unable to identify her
AS LEAP year has GENE a good many
young mon are already procuring bogns
marriage certificates to carry about their
persons as IL means of protection.
BEIpGET-Av You please, sur, is thisa
dhry- goods store? Salesman Certainly
ma am. Bridget Och, bcgorra, whcre'il
/ he goIn thin for n wathcred silk"
AN exchange intcrroSatcs itself after
inns fashion: " What holds all the snuff
IN the world?' And answers, " No ono
nose" It's enough to Maccoboy laugh.
AN "honest" Indian man, when caught
IN the act OF Iistilling, the other day, cx-
,iaihcd That he WAS Just making Il little
Tor his SICK wife, merely twenty gallons.
- WANT to know" said II creditor,
Hereby, "wllcn are you going to pay me
what you owe mc?" 81 give it M. re-
piled the debtor; TASK me something
easy"
"Now my little boys and girls" said.
teacher, - want you to be very still-so
mat you can hear IA pm drop. In II mo
mcht all was silent. when "A little bov
cried out, ''Lct her DROP
WHEN II Michigan father pounds on the
star door and informs Sarah that il is
time to 90 to bed he means business.
Tho next time he gets up wid-cycd
lover goes for the gate on u gallon.
SMIrn can't see why his wife should
object to the club because. when he came
home, he said Ny dear, it's the cold
est year Tor many nights; at fifteen de
gre"s past ten, the clock stood at sixteen
minutes below frcczo."
DOCTOR, attending a wit who was
very i'll, apologizcd for being late one
day. by. saying that he had to stop to see
man that had fallen down we'll. Did
he KICK the bucket, doctor? 2" groaned the
incorrigiblc wit