The New York herald., 1876-11-18
Startling, but, Alas, Too True.

'oeO oA eiic otutc legislatures.
Startling, but, Alas, Too True.
There has been much blatant complaint
among the ignorant of late because certain
stars did not shoot. and because certain
planet did not make transit, as confidently
forctold by some well-meaning but weak
headed astronomers. The fact is these old
winders-up ofthe universe have been led from
the sublime paths ofthe starry science to PAN
der to the mob. They have been known to give
the vulgar brand-new comet because vul-
garity delights in a star with gaudy tail
But even the debased taste for comets
becomes satiated, and the vain astronomers,
instead of attending strictly to business,
bcgaa to work up skyentiic sensations for
the gaping masses who beloved around
their ohservatories O nights. Far better
never to have withdrawn their attention
from the circling splendors of the golden
spheres. In the hurry to get up their stump
tailed comets, brindled planets, horned
asteroids and metcoric showers, they have
made such loose arrangements that not one
wonder in ten rewards their base pas
sion for the cheers of tho vulgar. 1t
is not to be wondered at, then,
that these worthy but weak-headed
old gentlemen should find themselves
called FRAUDS" s'impostors" and other vile
epithets by the very class they were led in
their ignoble zeal to cater for. There is
certain decency about the ordinary star
~
latanism, and we would hardly believe the
reverse of the humble but honest asteroid.
Why. eccentric conduct of this Objectionable
kind has lately led to the kicking Of fresh
young star out Of the Milky Way AS in the
world, SO among the heavenly bodies, there
are certain classes Of vagabonds and tramps
who are willing to hire themselves out to
astronomers for their torchlight professions
at quarter Of green cheese per night, the
astronomers giving them orders upon the
moon. The old gentlemen, in their chuck
ling delight over the expected applause of the
mob, occasionally forgot 10 notify the Man in
the Moon, who handed the cheese hunters,
whom he recognized as lunch fiends, over
to the authorities, and they were taken
in Charles Wain-the heavenly Black
Maria-to prison. This shook the con-
fdence of the starry vagabonds, who took to
roaming through the heavenly fields by day
and sleeping in the barns and outhouses of
respectable consultations ut night. During
this period they were never seen from
earth except when the barking of
the Deg Star sent startled tramp scurrying
from a barn in the Galaxy to haystack in
the Little Bear The astronomers were
in despair until they learned that
the emboldened vagabonds used to meet by
hundreds in the low dives, dens and bucket
shops of the First and Fourth wards of the
heavens. With the cunning of Matsell tho
astronomers made arrangements with Cap
tains Castor and Pollux for raid on these
places and then made prediction. 1t
was grand success. Castor and
Pollux, with two platoons Of ''stars."
came down after nightfall on the
groggeries and cleaned them ont. Such O
tumble of red-nosel ragged roysterers fol-
lowed By ''stars" with fiery clubs was never
seen chasing or being chased across the sky.
The old philosophers were in glee and tho
crowd in ecstasies it was resolved to keep
the thing up. Year after year it was done,
and Castor and Pollux werc looking for pro-
motion, but the meteors have become wary
and again gone on tramp. With the di-
vulging Of this sad story Of perverted in
telligence perhaps the vulgar mob will de-
sist from their abuse of the artful but de-
based astronomers; and let rs hope that
these latter will reform their lives.