National Republican., 1876-12-15

-fern1ps not Win I'm pun1yy, DOCTOR bat with n
little pepperm1ht1 can go i5,'h was the reply
Eight Wesleyan students have been
Suspended for fnsroducing cow into one Of the
college buildings That's coS-fsct why should
not their mother visit them, ioeolIege, anyhow?
I'm Indianapolis divorces have been too
readily obtained 10 suit the district attsrey and
he announces that hereafter hs VIII defend every
action brought on what seemS' to him @ trivial
cause.
Pray, Mr.. Professor, what is a peri
phrass?" Madame, IL is sinr4yA 7cfrcurnfeou-
tory cycle Of oratoricaI sonorosit crcumscrfbing
an an atom Of ideality lost in verEsl1 ptofundtty"
Thank you, SIR"
"A Paterson IN. j. man recently dis
puted about ten cents IN q carpenters Shop Suit
was brought and he won his case after cost 10
himself Of s6.25 and to his opponereSf'ss How
precious are our rightsI
"A hint to mothers: Begin as early as
possible to teach your infants to 1safg1e their
throats. The work will be diff1cult, 5utshevaIue
Of would be apparent in case of q Ytsftasion
from dtphtheria or scarlet fever.
One cranberry patch in Pennsylvania
yielded one thousand and nineteen basfefs this
year, and when man stopped TO look st the CROP
nYe minutes, 1t drew his mouth up into such q
knot that he couldn't find his mustache!-
"A member of club objected to the
publication OF the list of the meeting niehts of
the club, because he said, s1f it's publis ned we
married men will have to account forIthe oH-
nights" The motion to publish was lost.
"A spread-eagle orator wanted the
wings Of bird to fly to every village and hsua1et
in the broad land, but he wflted when The son. of
Granger in the crowd cried out: "Yoa'sd get
shot for goose before you'd flied q mile ~
An educated young man went to Mis-
sissippi few years since His friends were
proud of him, and said he would be heard. inAths
world before many years. They were rigttiSthe
tion ~ -" '' eAs ~ iAiidO10 'tS-
-In-dew bitably so: Sentimental youth
L"Ah, Anna Maria, you look to me like. q daisy
kissed with dew" Guilty party-"Oh, John, in
ind it out.
Three-year old happened to have a
want to be attended to just as his mother was
bothered with You now" "What did you % ssses SO 80
many children for if you can't bother with lem?ii
he unexpectedly inquired.
The losses of Long Island oystermen
this season are calculated at nearly siooo0o,ow-
ing to the injury by star fish, which stir mud up
on the oysters and stihe them. Immenseasanti-
either empty or partially so.
-L'Feh0 Beige, monthly organ of the
Belgian population of theUnited States, is 70 beis-
sued In New York January 9, and will be thefourth
are the Courrier des Rfats, the MessdgeraFTaEco-
Amerfcafn and the Courier Suisse.
"A couple of hoodlums attended q re-
viyal meeting at Peoria, Oregon, and aRan q call
they INDUCED in q rough and tumble fght for the
possession Of cushion to kneel upon.
"A jury declared that the man had
come to his death "by an unknoxa wagon
dict respecting a man who had been crushed To
death In mill, when the jury remarked: sNo
blame can be attached to the machaery.,"
Elder Sister, (wishing to show off
Jack, who was the first man ~ JaeE-SAdamr' r'
Elder Sister-"Quite right And where Old he
hve2' Jack, (who has notions OF his own about
densr'
"A Spring field woman who had son in
Brooklyn dreamed, on the nigAs Of the disaster,
that he was burned in q theatre, On reading tho
was prophetic, and she telegRaphed for infofma-
tion, learning in reply that tAe SON had nat been
to the theatre.
of the known victims, of the Brook
lyn hre, 5S were between 10 and 20 years old; 81
between 20 and Is; 20 between Is and 20; Is be-
tween 30 and IS, and Il over 50 years of age. The
which 100 were identifed Forty.two az the vic. y.
Tins were women and girls.
They are awful glad over in Alex
ander county, Illinois, that the election Is over
Tnsn Iarfiaa Esndse iOr CONGRESS was 81 Clair
feat is due solely to. the fact that nobody was
able to hurrah for him without being stopped in
the middle OF the cheer by preseIsment Of lock-
jaw.
"A Chinaman who was arrested in San
Francisco on December T. on q charge Of bur-
glary, made q most absurd attempt to commit
putting his nose to the 6urnss inhaled the con-. com
tents. The attendants took him out doors and
asked him what he had been trying to do. 'Hs
hkee die" quoth All Quong.
The Ruling Passion-A famous usurer
of Paris being on his death bed, his confessor
presented q silver erucif1 to him, with q view to
awaken him to sense of his situation. The
dying mfser, after examining the cross with the
most minute attention. suddenly exclaimed ssSir,
can lend you but very small sum on such a
pledge"
Mrs. Bamboozle remarked yesterday
that Louisiana ought to have Noah Webster for
Governor one term at least. State that has a
Ouachita in IT and calls it WashetaW ought to be
handed over @ to Sia, the seaaOSmaster and kept on
government than q six-year old srl is 1T for a
mother-in-law.
The remnants Of balloon were lately
discovered on the coast of Iceland. Sections Of q
pocket-book, with papers blurred by the action Of
water and incomprehensible. 1t Is thought that
who LEFT Paris durDa the 'aS asse Of
whom no report has ever been received.
Six Rhode Island men have made per-
haps the aueerest election bet on record. Each
Of the Losing ssrss m must eat :, within 5tS two
dog, one hind leg Of cat, four rats legs, six
chickens legs, and ten frogs hind legs. Tho
with the cook who must be paid SIS by the losers.
"A travelling chiropodist was recently
commtte ed for trial for obtaining money by false
pretenses from an undergraduate Of Trinity Col
tended to have extracted something ike Afsy
corns from the prosecutors feet, but IL shown
that no corns had been extracted, and that what
were exhibited as the result OF the operation
were dummy corns."
"A promising youth Of only seven sum-
mers who had been accused Of not always telling
the truth, cross-examined his father. Father,
nv son - said the paternsl who evidently did not
recall the past with any distinctnsss. "Nor
@tne5 sas
that tells as many as do.n
Why should the miners who have had
such bad luck In the Black Hills go to the Big
has been discovered at East Middlebury, Vt. The
average only tlo TO the ton 20 be sure but there
The Il Screen Green Mountains Yankee maidsns % with high
cheek bones and enormous appetites, but there
are no Indians. miners scalp viii be perfectly
safe there.
There seems to be very little rest in
this world. The weather has only Just become
cold enough for q man to be able TO take . girI
out to walk, and pass an ice-creem saloon with Q
sense q security when @ they begin to hold church
attends them all, and buys vorsted tidy and
couple Of bead lamp mats, and takes four chances
garded as SdangsfOas character, with tendency
towards atheism.
AN iron stage curtain, it seems, is not
an entirely novel idea. At the opening Of the
tory address, written BY Robert Treat Paine, jr.,
was read, which contained this verse
How wise men differ Water, some woald think.
Would wash away the stain OF tailor'sIuk;
But don't swoon, beaus, another mode we'll try
To save our lives and keep oar rufies dry.
FROM fire and water YOUR escape Is certnln;
Your shield OF safety is-our iron curtain
Tall writing may be found in benevo-
lent societies reports as preface to statement
of he number Of garments given to Mary Smith
or Sally Simkins. Here Is some pretty talk By
way Of sample, from q recent document Of that
sort that has iust come under our eye: sThe
ceaseless wares Of time ever tsarng their rip
pie marks on earth's life shore; marks called
days, weeks, months and years have brought Us
to the fifth annual goal ofour association check
cred with transpiring events, which, ike mile