The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1876-06-22
The Smoking Infant.

There has latterly been y Gearth of novelties
in babies. Last winter the West produced sew
eral entirely new styles of babies, some with
more and others with less heads and limbs than
the common variety of infants. However UX-
celent these improved babies may have been
i'll theory, they do not seem to have succeeded
in practice. Either they would not work at all,
or else they We're found on trial to be less c1li
Gent than infants OF the od-iuSh0ntd model.
At any rate they soon pass iuto an obSrurity as
profound AS that which eDwrups the Keely mo-
tor, and not one of them has been exhibited ut
Philadelphia among the productions of Amer
lean inventive genius. Stimulated by these nu-
merous Western failures, the East has how in
vented an infant which has at least the merit of
complete novelty. As might be expected from
the fact that the new baby is Il Massachusetts
production, its peculiartleS are OF Il moral in
stead of a physical character. butWardy it re-
sembies all other male infants of three Years of
age and of the usual pattern, but mentally and
morally it is entirely original. This remarkable
baby is a confirmed smoker, and the records of
the patent office may be searched in vain for any
model, drawing or specification of Il three wear
old baby capable of CONSUMING strong cigars and
caporal tobacco.
The normal Massachusetts boy learns to
smoke by degrees. He leads himself gently up
to tobacco by preliminary coir>e vi gTdl,c-
vine cigars, and dried fern leaves, and when he
finally makes his first attempt upon a genuine
Connecticut cigar, he selects a secure retreat
Dtnlnu lnc Darn, ana uuutrSOtS aSOnleS OF sub
sequent nausea in the haymoW. The smoking
infant, on the contrary, dlsualned to tre with
the inefficient grape VINE, or to smoke his 1lr>t
cigar in sec!uSion. Long before he reached his
third birthday he had boldly seized one OF his
fathers best four-cent cigars and smoked it in
the nursery, careless OF the curtains and heed
less OF his mothers har. Moreover this feat
was accomplished without the smallest panS Of
nausea. While his astonished and more ma
| turc friends expected to see i'm turn deadly
pale and undergo the widest abdominal re-
| morse. he declined to do anything of the sort,
| and actually cried for more cigars. Since that
period, now fully six months ago. he has
shown an incessant and unappeasable appetite
for tobacco. Though he stlll prefers cigars, he
smokes pipes as matter Of economy, and
cheWs hne-cut with the solemmty and unerrIng
craftsmanship OF a Western senator. The lee
bic efforts OF his unhappy mother to prevent
him from smoking in the parior and in bed
have been entirely frultless. lie not only
smokes IN every room IN the house, but he
streWs ashes on Inc Keyboard OF The piano,
| and drops his lighted pipe ON his pillow, as ne
sinks INTO slunber' 10 the relatives and
frlehds OF tne family, he Is a source OF mingled
wonder ana Indignation. lie mas oeeh known
10 neg ms Srahuhotler 10 put a hoA OF cigars
-"Reiha victoria lnlliaiuads, very dark, II
you please, graiiuiha IN MS CHRISTMAS stock
lng' ahu 70 ask Iocal deacon VINO ls a
great adnljrer OF the late Mr. Irask, ..lf ne
happened 10 nave Il chGW iDout nm: VI
course, nc mas Il money DoN 70 wnich friends
ana FlsitoIs are iequesteu W contribute ne
ordinary Massachuselts poy always mas y boN
OF lne KIND WIN Il view 10 eoIlec.ll'S money