Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-04-13
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

Gil on one size.
EXPENSIVE pedestrianism Running
through fortune.
WHY is matrimony like 2 land ed estate !?
Because it is a proper-tie.
MAN is an animal that bargains. No
other animal does. No dogs exchange
bones.
ANAlbany girl, despairing of ever being
able to support herself, took R. Snick last
week for husband.
THAT shower of mutton in Kentucky
probably fell from some tieecy clouds
that happened TO be floating around.
All PIX is the Chinese Minister to the
United States, but it is not stated what
kind of an All Pin he is.-Boston Globe.
WOULDN'T it be very good joke on the
English if the Emma Mine should turn
out the richest find in the mountains? All,
that subjunctive mood!
JOAQUIN MILLER tells of man whom
his friends thought must lie, because there
wasn't truth enough in the world to keep
him talking as much us he did.
FROM the numerous newspaper COM
ments upon the fact that Phil Sheridan's
baby squalls occasionally, it might be sup
posed that it is national crY-sis.
IcLAsPED her fair hand in rapture of bliss,
And thought, oh, how blessed our fates!
Till L looked on the gloves that encircled her
wrists
And found that alas they were 'eights.''
"Now, Spriggins, my DEAR" said Mrs.
Spriggins, at the theater, during the first
intermission, you NEEDN'T go out to get
any coffee, for [ have got half pound in
my pocket"
A MOTHER and daughter rolled slowly
into an Anderson County, S. c., store and
"reckoned they'd git weighed" The
mother raised the bar at 215 pounds, and
her fair daughter went seventy pounds
better.
THE CongregatSonal5st gives terse state
ment Of the principles on which church
fairs work, as follows: " Some ladies Dor
row money from their husbands, buy ma
terials and make up fancy articles, which
they give to the fair Then they change
places, borrow more money, and buy the
articles back again.
He was taken sick in the night, and in
her youthful ignorance she made two
mustard plasters and put one in front and
one behind, and then with horrid Sarcasm
she asked him how he felt. But he was a
well-br man, aud merely said that he
realized with tenderness he had never
known before, the true position Of sand
witch In the community.-Noroiclt BulIetS7a-
THE Rochester papers tell a curious
story of baptism which took place the
other day in the plunge bath Of Turk
ish bathing establishment in that city.
According to the account, @ clergyman
called and arranged for the unmOested
| use of the plunge, then called again with
| his convert and the two entered the room
| together. The mysteriousness of the
transaction induced some of the people
| belonging to the bath to watch and listen.
| Instead OF discerning the expected indica-
| tons of murder or suicide, they were as
tonished to hear the voice of prayer. Fur
| Their investi cation disclosed the fact that it
was a case of baptism by immersion.
The minister and his baptized follower
paid their bill and departed in peace.
THE Danbury Neaos man put pair of
nine-dollar shoes in the stove-oven to dry
the other day. There was not much fire
in the stove, and SO he closed the oven
| door. The next morning he built the fire
| without one thought of the shoes, and it
was not until an hour later that they oc-
Cured to him. They were ruined then.
| The soles were turned up in a playful
manner, the uppers resembled somewhat
the coast of Maine. He didn't say word.
Sadly and silently he was removing them
| with shovel, when his wife came in and
saw at. glance what had happened.
"Well, that's just like man ~ she indis-
creetly exclaimed. why didn't you
have sense enough to look into that oven
before you started the fire?" He hadn't
said a single word of his loss, but now he
spoke: Blast my eyes if I'll ever build
another fire" And he is keeping his
word.
ONE of the most wonderful pieces of
mechanism ever constructed in the West
is now on exhibition at the -" Senate
dining saloon, on Felix street. 1t is a
clock of unique and ingenious construc-
| ton, as wonderful in its way as wheeled
mechanism could be. Its inventor and
constructor is gentleman we'll known in
| st. Joseph as being a most ingenious me-
chanical expert, Mr.. John Kenmuir, the
jeweler, on Felix street, between Fifth and
Sixth. The clock is composed of 5000
pieces of highly polished brass put to-
gether in a most artistic manner, the
grand whole forming an object of rare
beauty and great value. 1t strikes the
quarters in single, double and triple
chime Of great harmony, the hour being
struck by solemn gong, indicative of the
serious information it conveys of another
swiftly fleeing hour having passed into
an eternity of time. The patient and per-
sistent labor required to produce this
masterpiece of utility and genius may be
| realized when we say that it took nine
| teen months Of almost continuous labor
to complete it-St. Joseph (M0.) Herldo