The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1876-06-21
GheQptelliaet
uopp,. adventure with u Calf

Samuel MOpps, esq, bachelor anu Dus,
ter merchant, was spending mon'h AZ
his friend Griggs's pleasant little country
mace, few miles away from the noise,
bnstle and confusion Of the city Of Wheel
inc, enjoying the society of Mr.. and Mrs
Griggs, and laying in u supply Of pure,
upudulteruted ozone to carry him through
the lony, sultry summer days before him
He was a quiet, sedate and respectable
member Of society, marked "saie" n
commercial registers, and eligible" II
matrimonial circles. Served out by ma
ture with short, stout figure, an &C
commodating, good natured disposition
and BY the dentist, with frst.clasS Sc
Of false teeth, Samuel Mopps laughed a
toothache, twins, thin men, and tough
times.
A week after his arrival in the country
business Of a pressing nature called MS
host 10 the city, and Mopps having prom,
ised TO take charge and look alter hiS
household gods and goddesses until ms
return, found himself duly installed as
aHaye YOU fed the calf yet? inquired
Mrs. Griggs, pleasantly at !nc G I0r L%s.
table, the morning following "e' ""'
Dam mot ' vet" replied Mqpps. II didn't :
know whether he would be up 80 early"
She smiled, poured him out another
'u In ofrsId he will be hungry"
niyhst does he generally eat for his
L,o,tfH%tYv asked Mopps, who knew no
more about calves than he did about the
Tower OF Pisa.
"Why, milk, to be sure" laughed Mrs.
"Ses, Of course" said Mopps, trying to
conceal his ignorance and appear perfect
ly au taa on the subject, yet wondering
with all his might and main how he was
going to get the milk into the animal,
whether they played it down his throat
with hose, or his calfship sucked it
through straw, like sherry cobbler, or
was in the habit ofhaving il spooned in.
to him. .
After breakfast Mrs. Griggs handed
him an immense tin pan, fled to spill.
ing point with tactical calf diet, and ho
started for the barn, fairly stopping with
energy and milk. On his arrival, he laid
the milk.pan softly on the feed chest,
took seat beside il, and spent the next
ten minutes calculating now much a new
pair OF pants would cost to replace the
milk.stained ones he had on; then he
arose, and went 10 have look at the
calf.
lie found him close at hand, occupying
the whole first floor Of stall and an
chored to the manager by long, stout
rope. He was glad Of that, not that he
WIS Mt all afraid, still he thought it a
proper precaution, and demanded his ia.
vOrable notice.
The calf looked again as big us wheel.
barrow, and twice us ugly. His outer
garments were OF n sausage brown color,
treckled with white spots, u villainOus.
looking head, a budding tail and silt
like legs, which made his tout ensemble
anything but progressing.
Mr.. Mopps did not talk much TO him,
and MS the other did not appear CONVEX
sationally inclined, he brought the milk
pan over, entered the stall boldly and
confidently, held it out to him at arms
length, and invited his attention TO the
rePast, by calling:
"Pretty fellow! pretty Galley! come
come Gomez
He came ut last, came with his head
down, the speed OF Il locomotive aud the
force Of u nitro.glycerine explosion.
There was a irightful collision, rat;
Ting Of the tin.pan, rs it knocked Mopps'
false teeth nearly down his throat,
ba,hed him with milk, peeled 4 square
inch OF skin of his nose, and when that
gentleman tried to pick himself up out Of
the corner q few moments later, his frat
impression was that the barn had been
struck by lightning. He was nearly up
when the brute dropped his head, took q
run and butted him, near where his sus.
pender buttons were sewed on, hard
enough to knock down stone wall, and
Mopps had an indistinct recollection oil
trying to drive his head through the man
ger, with n violence that started his scalp
and Ioosened the heels OF his boots.
When he came back to conscious
ness he climbed over the manger, sat him
self down on corn.sheller and tried "a
remember how it all came about; by the
time he had got it satisfactorily thought
out, he was mad enough to break thai
calls back bone, and all the command
ments, into pieces an inch long. Aiming
himself with rake, he crept around
thrashed the internal, soldering brute
up into corner, raked his false teeth and
the tin pan ont OF the straw, and went
back to the house TO repair damages.
"Gracious mel What's the matter, Mr.
Mopps?" exclaimed Mrs. Griggs, as he
entered the kitchen and laid the pan
down on the table.
"Idon't think that confounded calf has
much OF an appetite" he replied, feeling
his nose to see II it was broken.
"Have you been tighting?" she inquired
with alarm, lookingat his torn and dirty
clothes, his skinned nose and generally
bunged up appearance. ....
"FightingS-no. Pve been feeding the
calf,"h he answered, pulling the hay out oil
his hair. ...,. :,
"Why, you look as II you had been roll
ing in The barn yard" she said, rs she
stuck a piece Of plaster on his nose.
He did not reply, but went up to biz
room, washed a patch OF dirt off bis
cheek, combed the cobwebs and hay.seed
out Of his hair, brushed his clothes, sewed
on a button or two, and sat down and
pondercd over the whole affair till the
dinner bell rang,
81 guess what that calf requires is TO be
taken out in the open air, suggested Mrs
Griggs, at dinner, after Sympathizing
with Mopps on his scars and bruises.
Mopps thought to himself that what
the brute most required was fifteen
inch cannon, loaded with solid shot, to be
placed within two feel Of his head, and Z
man to fire 1t of hut, he said, us II he hac
been revolving in his mind the same ide'
as her:
"Exactly, that's Just it."
"Well, II / only dare ask you to LEAF
him out for little while this afternoon
know it would do him good" she said
SIopps felt convinced that he knew OF
club receipt that would have done tht
beast twice as much good, but no smile'
Theoretically, and said, as il il was tn
happiest thought that ever cmHnale'
from woman's fertile brain;
an do it, with pleasure"
After dinner he lit cigar and wen
L,oI, 10 tI,o Lorn y,unched the calf owe