The Tipton advertiser., 1876-10-26

breeches Of trust.
Barbara Fritchie's house is now Q
tinshop. Thus does sentiment pan
out.
A friend that "sticketh closer than q
brother" during warm weather-youl
flannel shirt.
Young swell-"I should like to have
my moustache dved." Polite Barber
-"Ce,.ainly. Did you bring it with
your
"What is your business, sis?" asked
the court in a sharp voice. "Conchol-
ogist." What's that" asked the
judge. II open CLAIMS"
"Yes, want my daughter to study
rhetoric" said Vermont mother,
''for she can't fry pancakes now with
out smoking the house all up"
A juryman was asked if the judge
had charged him. Faith" said he,
"the little fellow lectured us a good
deal, but l don't think he means to
charge for it,"
A philosopher asserts that the reason
why ladies' teeth decay sooner than
gentlemen's, is because of friction of
the tongue and the sweetness Of the
lips.
The new fast train has been dubbed
the "Widow" by some Of the postal
service attaches, because it fetches the
mail much quicker than any other
train.
1t was a New Jersey wife who said,
MY dear, If you can't really drink
bad coffee without abusing me, how
is it that you can always drink bad
whisky, and not abuse that barkeep-
er."
A Pasaic father wants to know
"what will keep respectable, but
poor young man, from hanging
around the front of the house" Tell
him the girl is sitting on the back
fence.
DIR. Hall says that people some
times take cold through their ears
This explains why a Milwaukee man
always stuffs his ears up with horse
blankets and buffalo robes in damp
weather.
Shocked and astonishcd Verger-
You had and wicked boy, why don't
you take off your hat in church,"
Bad and wicked boy (overcome with
suilt)-"If you please, sir, I'm little
GIRL"
A down-East editor says: The ladies
hats are pretty, and worn on the up
per part of the left ear, which makes
hem look arch and piquante like a
looking through the crack in
, fence.
That's the Main Building" said n
guide at the Centennial to green
lorn, from the Pine-tree State the
'ther day. "Golly!' replied the loyal
on of Maine, II knew our boys would
'ut up something fine.'
Moliere was asked why, in certain
ountries, the king may assume the
rown at fourteen years Of age and
annot marry before eighteen. Be
ause ii is more difficult to rule a wife
han kingdom"
A Minnesota lady, in taking her
aorning gare lately put her jaw out
t joint, and it was two days before
he doctor could get it in place again.
Ter husband says he has not had
uch vacation since his married life
egan.
"Why is it, my DEAR said WaiIles'
to him the other day, .sthat
ou newspaper men never get rich?'
l don't know, except it is that dol
hrs and sense do not always travel far
,gether.''
Scene in recitation room: The an
ent Egyptians were in the habit of
red-headed girls to the
evil.' Auburn haired STUDENT
What did they do with the red-head-
boys:" Professor:-"They suppos-
| they would go of their own ac-
,rd."
Mamma Sing the Major some
ling, dear. What would you like,
[ajor?" The Major who hath music
/ his SOUL: 'Well-cr-what's that
ing about Kathleen maneuvrin'-
here it says, it may bc four years,
nd it may be forever: would like ,
Iat." :
MY boy,n said n solemn -visaged
to lad who had just en- :
ged from hair-pulling match with /.
lother boy, do you expect to rove
.reafter in land Of delight?n NO"
, said, 1--WE busted another button
I'm my trousers, and expect to get
lickin' for it,"
While passing house i'm Virginia
20 drummers observed q very pecu-
Ar chimney unfinished and it attrac-
& their attention, they asked flax
l-haired youth standing near the
Duse If it "drawed WE'LL" whereupon
le aforesaid youth replied: "Yes, it
raws the attention of all the fools
lat pass by"