South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-12-01

an example of delirium trimmings. No
wonder! They're always tight. and
never satisfied unless there is a fresh
glass before them.
Man." says Victor Hugo, twas
the conundrum Of the eighteenth centu.
ry'; woman is the conundrun Of the nine.
teenth century" An American editor
adds: I'VE can't guess her, but will
never giver up. No. never
u Why 10 drunkard like bad pol
itician?-Becausc he is always poking
his nose into measures that spoil the
Constitution.
Col. Thomas l.. Anderson came
TO town last Wednesday. and his friends
importuned him to speak on the issues
Of the day. He consented. and cricr
was sent abroad with bill to proclaim
the tidings. The crier was Johnny
Booker. colored youths. He was told
TO proclaim that Col. Th6mas L. Ander
son, of Palmyra. would speak on the
'greenback and Peter COOPER question"
He got it all right the first time. but the
next time he mixed it as follows:
Peter Anderson. of Palmyra, will
speak On the Thomas l. Cooper question
right wsy!" .aer
He though. there was something
wrong about this, and when he got about
two squares he rubbed his wool depot
against an awning post and yelled:
oh! yes! Thomas Cooperback will
speak on the Green Peter question right
away"
Your damn niger, what are you
trying to get through you?" exclaimed
exclaimed voice in second. story
window, and the young African made
a hnal effort, rs follows:
''Whoop ala! Green Peterson will
speak ON the Coop question al Thomas
Hall right away" and then he added
dab, now, efIyou white folks knows
more bout ringin' dis bell than I do
jest take hold Of it."--Pal,nyra Spectator.
S"We bend the knee, but not The
elbow" is the motto Of Temperance
Rerform Club. This is supposed TO
p REFER" saysa wag. "to a dextrous habit
OF drinking ont of bung hole"
"A CoRREcrION.-Itis an error to sup.
pose that the sweets Of domestic life
OF which we hear good deal now and
then-are kept in family jars.
R"Frank," said an affectionate
mother, the other day, to promising
boy, elf you don't stop reading and
smoking so much you . wwil>ge get 50 after
awI t:1,;-.' ! ;.,5uos ssdwt care anything a.
bout work Mother" replied the
hopeful. leisurely removing very long
cigar, Il have got so now"
u This is Gaelic proverb: "If the
best mans faults were written upon his
forehead, it would make him pull his
hat over his eyes"
e A child, being asked what were
the three great feasts of the Jews,
promptly and not unnaturally replied,
Breakfast, dinner and supper"
EV what is the reason that your wife
and you always disagreed" asked one
Irishman of another. Because we are
both of one mind. She wants to be
master, and so do T.
1 A wealthy man died suddenly with
out leaving any will. The widow, desir.
Gus of securing the whole Of the property,
concealed her husbands death, and per.
suadcd poor shoemaker to take his
place. Accordingly he was closely muf.
fed in bed, as if very sick, and lawyer
was called in TO write the will. The
shoemaker, in feeble voice, bequeathed
half of all the property to the widow
What shall be done with the remain.
der?' asked the lawyer. THE remain
der" replied he, II give and bequeath
TO the poor little shoemaker across the
street, who has been n good neighbor
and deserving man.
R-"Things is getting slouchways in
dis country, declar' to erasmus Of dey