South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-04-21

dy unlike mirror" She gave il up"
"Decanse." said the rude fellow" a mir.
ror reflects without speaking, but "A lady
speaks without rejecting" And why
are you unlike mirror" asked tie
lady. He coull no. tell. because n
mirror is smooth and polished, and YOU
are rough and unpolished'
At n recent spelling N atch. one
man speit it "pasnip," and got beet.
liza bill to prohibit the sale Of in
toxicating liquors within four miles of
the California University is called by n
San Francisco paper. IAN act to pro.
mote pedestrianism among students"
Ia There was smart little girl who,
in answer TO the catechism's questions
What is the outward, visible sign OF
form in baptism?" replied: The baby"
CVTom Moore compares love to n
potato, because it shoots from the eyes"
"Or rather" exclaimed Byron, because
it becomes all the less by pairing"
IVA Teacher in n Sunday School was
explaining to his class Of boys the
meaning of Jacobs ladder when one
of the number. more inqusitive than ut.
tentive, inquired: ''If the angels had
wings what was the need Of ladder
for them?" This was poser, and while
he was meditating n reply and unable
TO answer, another boy exclaimed-"I'li
bet l can tell what they used the ladder
for" "Out with it then said the teach.
er, ''Oh, guess they were noting"
EF Considerate father: You should
eat Graham bread, my son; it makes
bone" Responsive Youth: Him, I'm,
bout all bones now
A fashionable woman's clothes
weigh twenty four pounds, exclusive of
hat, furs and rubbers, while a mans out
tit hardly goes over fifteen pounds.
This is free country, and any woman
is at liberty to carry as much as n mule
can pack if she wants to.
EVAn Indian once tried the softness
Of feathers by laying one upon n rock
and stretching himself upon it, There
are some who try the virtue of advertis.
TAKING TIE HAT ARoUND.-A cor.
respondent writes the following inter.
cstlng story from Paris. which is too
good not to be true: Some time 400
there WAS in London for the season a
lady who is very well known in the
French fashionable world One dav she
happenedto see i'll the streets a monkey
begging pence from the public in the
prettiest manner for the benefit of his
master, an organ grinder. The mar.
qois took fancy TO it, bought it. dress
ed it in the gaudiest raiment, and made
it pet. The lady the other day had a
fashionable reception for the benefit of
the Iondes, and, of course, her pet was
the wonder Of the room.
In the course of the evening n Young
lady sat down to the piano, and, accom-.
panying herself, sung with exquisite
taste little drawing room song.
AS soon as the lady had finished, the
monkey, who. though now partially c-
yilized, had not forgotten his former du.
ties, seized hat, AMI holding it before
each guest, according to his custom,
commenced a collection. The vocalist
laughed, the marquis looked vexcd,
but, to the amusement of everybody,
the animal went the rounds and collect.
cd n large sum.
His task ended he jumped upon the
knee Of the singer. and amid shouts of
laughter, deposited the contents of his
hat in her lap. The collection was, OF
course. devoted to the charitable fund.
buc Bibo made n distinct hit and mon.
keys are just now in strong request in
fashionable society.
Not ~ THE FAMLY.-An old Detroit.
er brought home two jugs the other day.
one labelled boiled ol'' and the other
'turpentine." They were placed in the
barn, and pretty soon it was noticed
that the old man had business there at
regular intervals. His Oldest son slyly
followed him and saw him taking q deep
draugbt from one Of the jugs. The old
man heard step outside, and before
going ont he arranged those jugs &c ord.
ing to his artistic taste. He was hard.
~ gone when the son skipped in and
took n drink from the jug out Of which
lie supposed his father drank. The
next moment lie was suffering, cough
ing and gaspine, and the old man enter.
cd and asked -
"Turpentine doesn't agree with you,
does it?''
"But saw YOU drinking it - exclaim
ed the injured and indignant son.
"That is true" said the old man.
while beautiful smile played over his
face "but IL doesn't necessarily follow
that the rest Of tho family must relish
turpeEtinc because | do :"
t-0 The momentous qucstion-Augus-
tbs: Now. Emily. do you love me. or
do you not?' Emily: We'll, If / say
don't, shall have to return your pres
cnts?"