The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1876-11-05
THE LAST BANQUET.


at Bleak House. and the cloth being removed,
the President arose and said
GENTLEMEN AND BROTHER PROMOTERS: am
not given to speech-makinR, as you very well
know. Indeed, the ouly extended effort in this
modest endeavor at Fort Wayne last year. when
j assumed the championship Of religious liberty
against the aggressions Of the Pope, and even
on that occasion. as you will remember, my
Ideas were Immediately stolen nv our worthy
Brother blaine mere, whose adclliy to the prin-
cipIes of our organiz iiion A. a source Of pride
to every one Of us. Laughter and LOUD ap-
plause.1 II does not detrsct from the merit OF
his consistent Hrtion ON that 90 'asion that he
was aft,rward unable to realize upon the stolen
goods. Renewed laugnter.1
But seriously, brother Kleptics, ! feel that the
present crisis in the affairs OF our society de-
mands some remarks from me. am confident
that YOU VIII overlook toe mad 'duscy OF my
rhetoric when YOU recOlect that. however few
and poor my words, havo abundantly proved
by deeds my devotion to the common cause
which binds us together. lCries Of :" You
havel YOU hqvep and loud pounding OF the
table with X ives.1
When l nrst joined YOU. and. from my po-
sitOn ut the head Of the Republican party,
becIme an ex oillrio President Of this society,
! was comparatively unskilied IN Its practices
and Ignorant OF Its requirements. mere un-
tutored military man, found my self, at the out
set, IN place OF great difficulty nave to regret
anu ever snail regret, many unused OpDortuni-
ties during the first part ~ my first term. or
my progress since, mOdesiy forblds ine to speak.
How well have yronted by your friendly coun-
sci and examUls leave for this society, for pos
terity to determine. lCheers
Gentlemen, this Is our last banquet together
within these hOspltaOie walls. To morrow's sun
o. use llgurc which can proudly say Is stolenl
rises upon new order OF tGings. | viii not say
how keenly we all feel this blow which inter-
rupts our glorious work at n time hen 1t is SO
prosperng Never before, may aflirm. was
A,t's;,c iheft brought 40 nesr perfection as 10y
tistlc PRINCIPLES winch should govern persons
holding places Of political power more widely
known or generally appreciated. OF sudden,
IKE thunderholt from "a clear sky, comes
change which skaters oar hopes Of future us
fuincss, rniegates u to ordinary life, where our
Talents VIII nave no adequate scope. and trans
fets our opportunities to tue hands ~ men who
VIII be Incompetent to employ them. Brother
kleUica. am not often eloque MT, 1t my emo
tions realty oyerpOwer me. As the irst toast
OF the evening cll noon YOU TO drink con
lu,,on to samuel j. Tt,ien; the 6ieoted, bitter
aud audacIrds enemy Of all kleptic Art.
The members OF tho society. with many Wig
orous Kisses aud heartfelt eroans, drank con
fusion to Samuel J. Tild1n. The next toast,
"Our Naval Thieves" was loudly applaudod,
and when Secor Hooberson, one OF the most on
thusi site and active members OF the society.
rose to respond, the room fairly rang,awith
pl1udts.
The Secretary thanked his fellow workers for
their kind appreciation OF his humble efforts In
the Cluse. The present occasion, h. said, was
not an entirely cheerful Que, owing to the near
meas Of 70 morrow, with all that the word im-
nhed; yet he saw no reason for melancholy.
Every member at that table went out Of ONCE
with the happy consciousness that he had done
all he could to promote scientific and artistic
stealing among public OH ;ials. As for himself
he-but he would not refer to his own career.
[Cres OF "Go oni'l Well, when he entered
Office the system OF peculatlon In the Naval De-
partment was IA crude and bunRlinR as cou Id
well be imagined. Laboring for Kleptc Art
and for Kleptic Arts sake, he had steadily re-
duced things to a system-a perfect system, he
nAttered himself; and with pardonablc pride.
not on his own account, but as a member Of
their cherished organic ltion. he could now
point to a grand total OF two hundred aud atty
millions stolen. abstracted defaulted and
squand red during his adm nistration. Ho de-
sired no other monument than that record. lie
desired no other epitaph than those figures,
carved upon his tom ostone. lie could say with
the poet.
Ere0i monumenfupl perennfs are.
He saw public affairs fall back into the anti
quated ruts Of honesty and integrity, and felt 10
pang, for he had done his whole duty as a KEEP
tic and only hoped his brother members had
feathered their own meats as well as he bad.
Ex-Secretary Belknap who next rose to speak,
was received with marked GOODNESS, and was
evidently looked upon by tho society AS Klep
tic who had forfeited sll claim TO respect and
brotherly esteem. The indications OF his I'M
popularity were so pronounced that he found 1t
impossib BILE TO proceed. He turned red, hesitated,
stammered: But, gentlemen, don't be too
hard on me. 1t was my misfortune, and not
my fault, that was found out, and my only
weakness was my confession that my wife put
me up to IT." aud he sat down, covered with con-
fusion.
The reception OF Brother Blaine was very dif-
ferent. That popular aud gifted Kleptic mount
ed chair while the company cheered and
cheered, and, waving In the air the MulliRan let
tiers. he made the following powerful speech:
BROTHERS 1t is who should listen and you
who ahoud speak. for while the morrow re-
| stores many OF you 10 the quiet dignity Of Iri-
| v,te NE, ~ one for me = new career OF useful
| ness IN the higher branch OF Congress. where ]
shall endeHvor to continue TO merit the apprO-
| baton which you have SO generously awarde j
me.
| our society and its aims heed no eul1ev.
| think II WAS DIR. Johnson who remarked that
| every chill il naturally - thief 10y instinct and
| yer for years false civIliz alton and mistaken
| ethics have been doing heir worst To crush out
| this beautiful instinct. lApplause.l Our
society by its constitution. Is sworn Ia
Instinct which nature has implanted IN
| chllbood. Our maritime brother has
alluded to the great change. nay. improve
| To INN and to other devoted laborers In the
| cause, this change Is mostly due. Had we seven
| more years in which to elevate the standard OF
| artistic plundering, we would bring jobDefy stlll
| ne rer To tho true ideal; we would develop
|
| visionary OF us we would entirely wipe out OF
| existence the hideous falacy, now unfortu-
| natey so prev lent. that we enjoy power. not
| by our own merits and for our own aggrandize
| ment, but by delegation ana for the benefit of
| others; we would, may even say, nnally pro
duor. by the law Of evolution, what Aristotle de-
scribes as the Mepttn t.ldiOn. the perfect thief,
| who SHOULD revive in actual practice the tabled
| virtues OF the NEUROLOGICAL AutOlycus. 1his Is
| the mission Of our society-this is the mission
| which Is interrupted by a foolish people, blind
to the impertinence Of those who expose abuses
| propose reforms or cil for securities aud inves.
| legations. This Is the mission which l. inter.
| rupted 10y licentious press, such as would not
| be allowed To exist In Turkey, In Persia, or In
any semi-baf blrous land on the face OF the
| globe. prolonged applause.l when Will this
| country learn that those VINO attack us attack
| the Government that those who attack tho
/ Government are guilty Of treason, aud thai
| traitors ought 10 be hangedT lIremendou,
| applause
The speeches OF other members OF the soclet,
were not less impressive and patriotic thar
| those which have been reported. Gen. Babcoct
| responded eloquently for the Whiskey Ring
| and alluded to those martyred kleptics sim IN
| prison for principles sake 10 manner thai
| brought tears to the eyes OF the company. III
| response to the toast, Addition, Division, and
| Silence" Brother Kemble spoke modsstly of
his ra9ortant discoveries In the theory OF
| Kleptc Art, and his humble and perhaps un
surrpssful fcries Of " MOI nOl"1 efforts 10 live A