The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1876-04-14
VARIOUS s.FODDER..

manageable daughters.
A Hindostan work on music saws
that music is the PAINFUL y-acquired art
OF speaking loudly in shrill, voice.
Simkms has found that the pleasant
est way to take cod liver oil is to fatten
pigeons, with it, and then eat the
pigeons.
The editor who was told that his last
article was as clear as mud, promptly
replied, "Well, that covers the ground,
anyhow
sit doesn't take me long to make up
my mind, can tell you! !" said co.l-
ceited fop. s'It's always SO where the
stock of material to make up is small y
quietly remarked a young lady.
AT a young LADIES' seminary, during
an examination in history, one of the
pupils was interrogated 'Marv, did
Martin Luther die natural death ?"
"No," was the reply; che was excom.
municated by bull"
Those OLD soakers never lack for ar
cument. Lately one replied to tenn
perance lecturer by the following poser:
"lt water rots the soles of your boots,
what effect must il have on the coat of
your stomach =
"Some internal IDIOT has put that pen
where / can't fiud it /. y growled old
Asperity the other day, as he rooted
about the desk. +" "Ah um, yes; Thought
So" he continued in lower key. as he
| pulled the article from behind his ear.
They are going to explode SO, 900
pounds of nitro-glycerine at He'll Gate
next year, say tie New York papers.
1t is not wide enough at present to ac-
modate the travel from New York and
Brooklyn.
The other day woman meeting her
minister said !: ''I once heard Mr.. Bun
yam preach on your text you had on
Sabbath, and, as you were GAVIN on, I
said myself, 'How is the gold become
dim, and the most fine gold changed .
81 fear," said church minister to his
flock, "when | explained to yon in my
last charity sermon, that phi;anthrophy
was the love of onr species, you must
have misunderstood me to say specie,
which may account for the smallness of
the collection"
well, neighbor what is the most
Christian news this morning?" said
gentleman to friend. g have Just
bought barrel of flour for poor wo-
man." 'fJust like you! Who is it you
have made happy with your charity
When young man calls OH a girl
for the first time, ana when the CONVEX
sation lags, and the subject of the
weather has been torn all to pieces,then
1t is that the photograph albums step in
aud hi! up the gap that nothing else in
the world could bridge Fulton Times.
a country editor received the follow
ing: 'Dear sir-f have looked carefully
and patiently over your paper for six
mouths for the death of some individ-
ual | was acquainted with, but as vet
not a single soul care anything about
has dropped off; You will please to have
my name erased.
At a Juvenile party yonag gentle
man about seventeen years old kept
himself aloof from the rest of the COM
pany. The lady of the house called to
him "Come and play and dance my
dear. Choose one of those pretty girls |
for your wife, s'Not likely +! % cried |
the yonng cyuic. eNo wife for me !!
Do you think that want to be worried
out OF my life like poor papa ?'
''Arrah, Pat, an why did ] marry
ye?- jist tell me that - for it's meselfI
that's had to maintain ye iyer since the
blessed day that Father O'Flannigan
sint me to yer home" ssSwate Jewell
replied Pat, sam it's meself that. hopes
that / may live to see the day YOU'RE a |
widow waping over the cowld sod that
kivers ne-thin, by st. Pathrick, Pil |
zee how You get along widout me,
honey" 81
fsThis is my last call, - remarked a T
ffippant young gentleman to young
lady who was soon to be married. on a
recent occasion. 81 never call OH mar
ried women or unmarried ladies after
they have reached twenty-five" .sYou
do well, sir 30 gravely remarked an
elder lady present. "At that age, and
after marriage, they begin to know the
value of time, and do not like to waste
it.''
Said his honor, sMr. Peters, why
don't you sit down, sir p 'sI don't
sit down any more. sir.'' 'sBut you
must" II can't sir.o aWhy ca0't L
you?o Well, sin, she said we couldn't
both sit on one chair, and / tried to
demonstrate that we could, and she
picked me up and settled me on top of
a red-hot stove, and-I don't believe I
care-to sit down, if it pleases the Court -
The Court agreed with the witness.
A little Danbury boy said at the
breakfast table the other morning.
'sPa, want some milk.n
g Is that the way to ask for anything?''
inquired the aggrieved parent.
The child hung his head. f
GLOW have yon been told to ask ?''
was the next inquiry.
Spa" said the young man, in SUBJ
dued voice, cit makes my throat sore to I
say please
A case Of sickness is reported on the /
Luckiamnte, south of Monmouth, that |
was treated by two good physicians for /
three weeks for. fvOli1id fever when IL |