davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

made graat mistake in thinking we like
each other, DIR. Steelwaggon."
And he had said:
never contradict lady, Miss Bar
nett"
Then she was twenty and twenty-five.
They were old people now, but when she
shook hands with him under the oak, she
felt herself tremble.
awe are both Alone" said he. &C. Let us
keep each other company" Then he
bowed her to tho seat from which he had
arisen and sat down beside her.
After that, the first question he asked
her was:
"Have you been to the post-office ~
She said Yes"
$50 have l." said he "Will you read
my note? ?"
He placed it in her hand. 1t was du-
plicate of the one she had received.
She showed him hers.
"Those foolish children have been play
ing us trick" said she; "well, we can
laugh at it."
81 don't feel much like laughing" he
replied.
"Miss Barnett" said he, "we have been
two very foolish people. think word
on either side might have mended it years
ago. will say my word now. love you
yet; will you forgive me and be my wife ??
"People would laugh So" said she.
awe will laugh, too," said he. "Come,
Rosa, say yes"
When he called her Rosa it suddenly
struck her how long it was since she hat
been called by her Christian name, and she
began to cry. Then he gave her his arm
and they walked away into the shadows
and they are to be married this evening
and the fair post-ofice and your joke did it
girls.
And they were married, and nobod,
laughed but few sillies, and who minded
them?
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23
Beating the BARRIERS.

A man who had been nearly talked to
death by loquacious BARRIERS went into a
shop the other day and handed one of the
artists card bearing the words: "Give
me an easy shave"
The barber motioned him to chair, and
then turning around winked at his fellow
laborers and said: Here's deaf and
dumb 'un boys, wants an easy shave"
"Well, if you cash him he can't talk"
replied one who was waiting for next"
" No, you bet he can't" returned the first"
" An easy shave be blowed! Why, he's got
bristles like a Texas boar, and his skin
looks tougher than a canal mules.
The boys laughed, and the operator, who
in the mean time had lathered the mans
face, INDUCED in further comments as
he urged the razor over the facial territory
before him. "What a nose that is" said
he. Z" If he should snceze where would |
be? "Well, his check is harder than q
razor hone" "Do you want us to help
hold his nose while you go over his lips,
johnny?" asked another of the idle razor
wielders, "pop't know but what will
want little help" "Be careful and don't
drop your razor down his ear or you'll lose
it," admonished another. "What dirty
head he's got" observed Johnny, as he ran
his fingers through the mans hair. &C say,
some of you fellows write card and ask
him if he don't want a shampoo" The
card was written and presented to the man,
who shook his head at it, and the job
bOing finished, he arose from the chair,
"Itis all right, boys" said he, as he laid
down fifteen cents, 81 don't mind your
talk any. could stand it first rate SO
long as you didn't say anything about base
bell, third term, or the whisky ring frauds. "
He disappeared, and those BARRIERS sal
down and thought about him..-ProvidcncC
Journal.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Do Nor GET Cool" Do not get cool, is
the Scientific Americans hot weather advice,
the meaning being that a sudden cooling
of the body is likely to induce bad colds,
which are harder to cure in summer than
in winter. II also says that ice water
shold be drunk slowly, with pause be-
tween oach swallow. Hot tea is recon:
mended because "the debility and down
ward progress of the system is arrested by
the warmth of the water and the stimula
ting quality Of the tea, until strength be-
gins to be impaired to the system" Gauze
worn next the body absorbs Precipitation
and prevents colds, but should be often
thoroughly aried and dried. Persons who
allow mental overwork to exhaust them
are particularly liable to sunstroke. at
is a foolish popular idea that this terrible
malady is due to the concentration of the
sums rays on the head. Persons are fre.
ouently struck, rs it is termed, in the night
but are more apt to be so late in the after
noon, when the system is depressed by the
heat and nervous exhaustion. The way tc
avoid sunstroke is to order ones doing sc
that vitality shall not be lowered, and the
conditions favorable to the disease super
induced. A sunstroke, if not fatal, leave
the patient less able to endure mental o.
physical work ever after, and requires from
him constant care against pulmonary dis
ease or second visitation"
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

A TASK TO SHRINK FRoM.-The Legisla-
tive, Executive, and Judicial Appropria-
ton bill Of Congress provides for the dis
charge on the 10th Of October of between
700 and 500 department clerks in Washing
ton. A circular has already been issued in
the Treasury Department informing clerks
who receive it that if they will resign
before the reductions are made they will
be given two months leave, with pay.
Few if any designations have been re-
ceivcd. The dismissals in the Treasury
Department will be made this eek and
next, those who are relieved being allowed
to draw their pay until Oct 10. The fear
and uncertainty which now exist among
several thousand clerks, each of whom
does not know but that he or she may be
ono of the unfortunates, is very great
While many Of the reductions are wise
ones and ought have been made earlier
they will bring great hardship to many de
serving and almost helpless persons anc
families, who will hardly know where tc
turn for the means Of support.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

UNHEARD-oF SMALLNEss.-One of the
meanest propositions that has recently been
made is credited to very high officer of the
Government, who, it is said, proposes that
in reducing the force of clerks in the
several departments, the salaries of all
ladies now receiving 81 200, 81, 400, 81 600
or 81 300 shall be reduced to 5000, in order
that it shall not be necessary to discharge
as many male clerks Of the higher grades
as will otherwise have to go. The number
of ladies in the employ of the Government
who receive more than 81 900 salary is
small, and in almost every instance they
are experts in the department of the service
in which they are placed, 1t is not claimed
that the male clerks who will receive their
salaries can do the work any better or as
we'll as it is done by the ladies. Indeed il
is proposed to keep the ladies in their pre-
sent positions, but to add what is taken
from their salaries to the pay Of clerks who
can vote and render other political service
| IN. Y. Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23
The Mastery of the Next Senate.

AS the Senate now stands, there are II
members only qualified one elected but not
yet sworn in (Mr. Blaine), and two vacan-
cies-one in Louisiana, in place of Mr..
Pinchback, and one in West Virginia, in
place of Mr.. Caperton. Of the whole num-
the 4th of March next. Of the 25, l6 are
Republicans and Democrats. Of those so
far chosen for the term ending 1883, three
are Republicans and four Democrats, being
gain of two for the Democracy.
The terms of "a Senators will expire in
1879 and 25 in 1881. Of the 40 Senators
holding over from the 4th of next March,
27 are Republicans, 19 Democrats, and |
Independent (Mr. Booth of California;.
There are two vacancies, one from West
Virginia and one from Louisiana. Adding
the Senators already elected for the term
beginning in March next, the next Senate
stands 30 Republicans, % Democrats, and
Independent. Counting Colorado, which
| is now a State, there are % Senators
yet to be chosen, dependent on the elec
tions coming off in the Fall. In order tC
secure a majority of one, the Democracy
must elect l6 of these %, and they have
the following States to select from Maine
Massachusetts,, New Jersey, Delaware, Nortl
Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama
Louisiana (two), West Virginia (two), Hi
nois, Michigan, Tennessee, Arkansas, Kan
sas, Nebraska, Minnesota, Oregon, anc
Colorado. 1t will thus be seen that it i
almost a certainty that the Republican
will control the Senate for the first tw
years of the new Administration, but by
very slim majority.-N. Y. Tribune.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Our readers will thank us for the follow
ing sure preventive against hydrophobia in
dogs: "Boil three tablespoonsful of salt
and an ounce of carbolic powder in a pint
of water, squeeze in n lemon, and then let
a piece of meat simmer in the mixture to
give it attractive taste. Take out the meat,
and put the liquor in cool place. Then
while the remedy is cooling lead the dog
out behind the barn shoot him between the
eyes with Remington rife. One pint of
the liquor will be found enough for 100
dOgs.--Rome Sentinel.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

SAD CONDITION OF A JoURNALIsT.-R. C.
Newell, better known as "Orpheus C.
Kerr" and also well-known journalist, is
said to be gradually wasting away, his
malady taking the form of an unaccount
BILE disinclination to partako of food. In
four weeks he has lost so pounds of flesh,
and though 8 feet 10 inches in hight,
weighs but l02 pounds, His only nourish-
ment is a cup of coffee daily, or glass of
milkpunch every other day. Neither his
physicians nor himself or family can ex.
plain the cause of this singular revulsion OF
appetite, though fully aware of the grave
consequences of its continuance.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

DEMOCRATIC STRATEGY. The Demo
cratic organs which made so bitter and per-
sistent fight against Mr.. Tilden's nomina.
ton at st. Louis have discovered too late
that the line of attack to which they re-
sorted was not only weak in itself but dis
astrous to their influence in its subsequent
effects. The Republican newspapers are
now quoting them with great effectiveness,
using Democratic arguments against the
Democratic candidate. No amount of ex-
planatory wriggling and evasion can help
their case.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

No FAST MAILS OR FRANKING PRIvuEGE.
The House Committee on Post Offices
and Post Roads has concluded to take no
action on the Post Route bill. This
decision postpones until next Winter, if
not indefinitely, the reestablishment of
the fast mails, and it also prevents the
restoration of the franking privilege.
While the one result causes great incon.
venience to thousands of people who had
come to consider the fast mails almost a
necessity, the other will not be regretted by
the people.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

MUSCLE AGAINST BRAIN.-Whcn jackson
was moving on TO strike McClcllan's flank
on the Chiclahominy, he came to stream
that had no bridge, and couldn't be crossed
without one. The General had brought
with him from the Valley a rough, unedu-
Gated man, full of energy, who had served
him in emergencies, and in whom he had
the utmost confidence. He called his man
and told him the stream must be bridgcd
Immediately; the regular engineers were
advised Of the fact. In a short time the
rough carpenter and the polished men Of
science were at the stream, the former had
his plan, the latter had theirs; he wished
to 60 to work at once without drawings,
but they objected until they could perfect
the plans on paper. The engineers retired
to their tent to perfect a paper bridge; the
carpenter took his men and went to work
to make real one. In very short time
he appeared at the Generals tent reported
briefly, thus: General, that bridge is
done, but them pictures amt come yet"
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Duelsts in this prosaic age ought to con-
suit their lawyers in regard to the common
statues before arranging an affair of honor
according to the code. Two Frenchmen,
named Vaudrey and Ronet, quarreled in
Montreal, and called in four friends to do
the honors for them. The duel was fought
near Richford, VT, last Friday; shots were
exchanged at 35 PAGES, and ono of the
marksmcn was shot in the leg. There
were four seconds, but 10 surgeon, and
accordingly Yankee physician had to be
summoned to dress the wound. While
they were waiting for the doctor a deputy
sheriff arrested tho whole party, and after
an examination before trial justice, they
were held, the principals in $4,000, and the
seconds in $1,000 bail, to appear at the
County Court in ST. Albans. They were
amazed when the justice informed them
that they would be lodged in Jail if bail
were not furnished within 4S hours and
that they had incurred a penalty of 81 ,00C
fine, or a term of imprisonment varying
from FIVE to ten years.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

A Chicopec man had q cat which he
cared 10 longer TO possess. He took tho
animal into the garden, struck it nine
times on the head with a hammer, and, as
it still moved, he boxed its ears with q
spade, and then buried it. Next morning
that cat walked seronIy into breakfast,
willing to forget the past. "-,Slrmnah Aiora.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

In the Agricultural Hall of the Centen-
nial Exhibition there are two immense
hogs stuffed, each bearing a placard telling
their age, &C., followed by the word " tax.
idermist." man and his wife were
looking at these with great interest. After
reading the placards, the woman said (:
" Why, these are taxidemists. thought
they were hogs" Her husband looked at
the creatures with a puzzled expression,
and then went carefully over the placards,
as if to satisfy himself fully on the point.
Finally he replied: "They are hogs, Tax
idermist is the name Of the place they
come from, a-SPriaQ6eH RePnbhcan.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

The Albany .Jo,,rnal says: what do the
American people think Of man who with
drew from the church Lecausc the pastor
preached a sermon in favor of upholding
the Government against the traitors in
arms? That is what Hendricks did, and
now he wants the loyal masses Of the coun.
try to make him Vice President of the
United States.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

GOVERNOR HAYES HOME REPUTE.-Rev.
w. E. Moore, for many years pastor of the
Presbyterian church at West Chester, and
also we'll known and highly esteemed in
Wilmington, is now in charge OF the
Second church at Columbus, Ohio, the
official residence of Governor Rutherford
B. Hayes. In note written some weeks
ago to a friend in Delaware, Mr.. Moore
says:
Dear Friend: l received yours of the
Goth inquiring as to the character of Gov.
Hayes. You may rely upon him as a man
of the highest character and ability. / do
not know that he is a member of the
church, but he is constant attendant
with his wife, who is member of the
Methodist church. He is a man of very
decided religious convictions, and of the
very highest tone of morals; staunch
temperance man in his practice, and of
the utmost purity in speech and conduct.
He is not ambitious, but he has had the
highest responsibilities, military and civil,
thrust upon him, and SO met them all as to
satisfy the utmost expectations. His
bitterest political enemies-apd he has no
other-have meyer said ought against his
integrity. He is not, as they say, mediocre
man, as his successive defeats of Thurman,
Pendleton, and Allen have painfully taught
them.
You may rely upon him both to be elect
ed and to rule we'll afterwards.
Yours truly,
~.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

A nowsboy says of the star-spanglod
handkerchiefs: " If any man aims a blow
at the American flag, spot him on the
snoot."
The weather is so damp at Coney Island
that they have begun to put cork soles
into their clam chowder.-N !. Herald
Teacher" What is tho definition of
flirtation2" Intelligent young lady pupil
=" 1t is attention without mention"
Sioux squaws do not wear striped stock
ings. Three streaks of green paint are
cooler and cheaper.
Thousands of base deceivers are hung
every night--on the back of chairs.-Dan-
bury Ne'os.
1t is proposed to send an amateur brass
band to Montana and make the Indians go
West.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

wHIrEwAsH FOR SACKED CEILISG.-For
the first coat mix to every two quarts of
whitewash one cup of fine sift ashes. This
will prevent the smoke from striking
through. After this another coat may be
nut on in the ordinary manner.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

The Constitutional Amendment designed
to prevent the appropriation Of public
school funds for the benefit Of scctarian
schools, did not obtain the requisite two
thirds vote in tho U. S. Senate. The
Democrats, several of whom were Roman
Catholics, all voted against it while the
Republicans all voted for it, II obtained a
majority, but not two-thirds.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

GRAHAM BISCUIT WITHOUT YEAST OR SODA.
Mix your flour with warm mot hot)
milk and water to the consistency of batter,
with little salt. Grease your pan, make
it kissing hot, and pour in your batter.
Set it for a moment on the range to rise,
then into quick oven, and servo them as
baked, because they fall.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

BAKED MASHED PoTAroEs-Three and a
half cupfgls Of mashed potatoes, one tea.
cupful of milk, one heaping tsaspoonful OF
butter, quarter teaspoonful of pepper, one
scant teaspoonful of salt. Butter pudding
dish and bake light brown.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

The first seeds of matrimonial discord
are usually sown Immediately after going
to housekeeping. 1t is not because the
the tender wave of harmony no longer
pulsates from soul to soul. 1t is because
she insists on his doing the marketing i'm
mediately after breakfast, on full
stomach, when he doesn't care whether he
has q canvass back duck or boiled dish.
rag for the next meal.-.Norssich Bulletin.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Madame dc Stel said: "If l were mis-
tres of fifty languages would think in the
deep German, converse in the gay French,
write in the copious English, sing in the
majesty Spanish, deliver in the noble
Greek, and make love in the soft Italian" "
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Here is another warning to husbands
As Mrs. Cook, of Shepherdstown, W. Va,
was going down stairs, her dress hooked
into a shot gun, which was discharged,
painfully wounding Mr.. Cook who was
sitting below nursing the baby. If Mr..
Cook had been out fishing, or playing
billiards, like man." instead Of being at
home usurping the duties of his wife, this
thing would not have occurred, and the
unfortunate mans doctor bill would moro
than have paid his expenses to the Cen
tcnnial exhibition. -No1risto,cn Herald
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

"Wheres the bar?" asked dirty look
ing stranger of the bell-boy of the hotel the
other day. "What kind Of bar?' asked
the latter. "Why, saloon bar of course
what do you suppose | mean?" "Wcll,'
drawled the boy, 81 didn't know but you
might mean bar of soap"
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Nearly all tho pcst-offccs in Texas are in
charge of females. 1t works so well that
the males now arrive and depart every
hour in the day.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

A bill to prohibit the sale of Intoxicating
liquors within four miles of the California
University is called by San Francisco
paper "An act to promote pedestrianism
among the students"
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

An exchange says: 1t is not generally
known that boiled carrots, when properly
prepared, form an excellent substitute for
eggs in puddings. They must, for this
purpose, be boiled and mashed, and passed
through a coarse cloth or hair sieve
strainer The pulp is then introduced
among the other ingredients of the pud-
ding, to the total omission Of eggs. Apud.
ding made up in this way is much more
palatablc. On the principle of economy,
this fact is worthy of the prudent house,
wife's attention.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

When Sitting Bull declined to go on tho
reservation, it was probably because ho
had a mental reservation of his own to
resort to.-N. Y. ContI Adc.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

We often live under cloud; aud it is
we'll for us that we should doso. Uninter-
rupted sunshine will parch our hearts.
We want shade and rain to refresh them.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

care you lost, my little fellow?' asked
a gentleman of a four-year-old on Main
street Saturday. "No," he sobbed inreply,
"b-but m-my mother is."-Rochcstcr Union.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

Nine times out of ten if you ask a Demo
crat what he thinks of Gov. Tilden's letter
the answer will be; "Well, the fact is,
have not had time to read it carefully yet
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23
Money Savers.

There is a general tendency to speak
slightingly of those who save money, and to
extol those who do not. 1t is not easy to
indicate the precise grounds upon which
this is done; but there appears to prevail
an impression to the effect that one class
are mean-souled, sOrdid, and greedy, while
the other are full of generous impulses.
This impression, however, does not seem
to be justified by the facts of the case.
In many cases, those who spend recklessly
are by no means philanthropic. They
throw away their money, it is true, but they
do SO more in spirit of bravado than
from charitable impulses. Their benevo-
lence is, to say the best that can be said of
it, decidedly 'erratic, and unfortunate in
decd is the being who is dependent upon
them. Because they scatter their gold
with an apparently lavish hand wherever
they 60, and when the eyes of the world
are upon them, it does not follow that they
are doing more than giving was to parti-
cular form of self-indulgence. They may
treat their friends to costly entertainments,
but there is little charity involved in the
proceeding where the entertainments are
given at the expense of creditors who are
being defrauded of their rights.
Of course it may be held that it is rather
a clever thing to diddle ones creditors in
order that one may be generous to ones
acquaintance; but the man who does this
invariably fails so stand the wear and tear
of time. The probability is that, sooner
or later, he attempts to diddle you with the
same skill that he has diddled his cred
itors and the chances are that you dis
cover ere long that his promises are not tc
be relied on, and that it is hopeless to ex
pect him to keep his engagements. Nor is
this all. 1t will be found that, notwith
standing all his great show, he is indiffer
ent who suffers SO long as he is not forced
to deny himself. On the other hand, the
man who saves money will generally b
proved a man of his word. Unlike the
spendthrift who readily promises to dC
everything but actually performs next t.
nothing, the money saver is slow to promise
but what he does engage to do he is quicl
to accomplish. This arises from the fac
that when he does make an engagement h
carefully calculates how far he will be abl
to fulfil it. He does not say he will pa
you a certain amount on certain time Of
the strength of a vague hope that some
thing will " turn W" twiXt now and ther
but upon that of a carefullythought-ou
and reliable calculations. He realizes hi
obligation SO keenly that he is OCCASIONAL
i led, perhaps, to be unduly cautious. A
the same time, if you want a man to do
real serviceabie act Of charity you must c
, to him rather than a magnificent bein
J who holds money in contempt. 1t is nt
. surprising that he comes to the front
social life, and that he is placed in position
= of power and responsibility. Selfdeni'
- and integrity can never go unrewardec
=. their influence is so powerful and endu
. ing People may sneer at what they ca
:, miserliness. But providence is not miserl
ness, and the man who saves money is n
necessarily a miser.-Home Journal.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

There is a Chicago girl who, if she thinks
she is going to be beaten in a game of
croquet, will always fall down in fit over
the last hoop.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

The judge the other morning asked q
prisoner charged with drunkenness what
he intended to do. He replied, frankly,
that he wasn't his own boss this morn.
ing.n
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

To CLEAN THE INSIDE OF ANY TEAPoT.-If
the inside of your teapot or cohccpot is
black from long use, fill it with water,
throw in small piece Of hard soap, set Oh
the stove and let boil from half hour to
an hour. 1t will clean as bright as a new
dollar, and cost no work.
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

When q woman comes to the door and
calls after her husband, IIen-RE-E =
finishing the last syllable in capital letters
you may know that she is not in CAPT
tai humor
Smyrna times., 1876-08-23

There is girl in Burlington, VT, who
is now six feet seven inches in height, and
is still growing. Hang a girl you can't
kiss without going to the expense of step
ladder!