The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-08-18
Wit and HumOr.

LONG and successful reign-the del
uge.
The Texas steer is something to steer
clear from.
A SEQUEL to the recent excitement in
lard-the earthquake in Greece.
One of the proudest moments of fat
mans life is when he can eat buckwheat
cakes without getting molasses on his
shirt front.
THE Philadet9,hia Bulletin accounts
for squeaking Sunday boots by saying,
"It is because their soles haven't been
aisled for week."
ART1sT-I've been jolly queer lately.
Do you think L work too hard? Dealer
in fine arts (plain spoken)-Undoubte
your work is about as hard as anything
could be.
IT was rather personal in California
newspaper man to chronicle the pur-
chase of mule by brother editor as
remarkable instance of self posses
sion."
SHE "didn't want any more had al
ready had surf-eat," was what a sea-
bathing young lady said after being
scream under water.
ANOTHER man whose memory ough
not to be permitted to perish is gone.
He lived near Fredericksburg, Va, and
his father was kicked out of q water
melon patch by George Washington.
a KENTUCKY schoolmaster whose wife
was one of his pupils had occasion to
punish her one day. The next day the
school house door bore this inscription :
"School closed for one week; school
master i'll"
Mrs HENRY says that J ohn is just the
stupi iest man in the world. She ate too
the collie; and what did the old idiot do
natl Times.
GRATITUDE STRONG IN DEATH.
A bachelor who lately died,
Willed that his lawyer should divide,
In equal parts his property,
Among three women who survived,
Whom in his day he would have wived;
81 For" with grateful smile, he said,
1t is TO them alone owe
bly, happiness while here below"
TEACHER" Johnny, how did Enoch
go to heaven?" johnny" Don't know,
ma am" Teacher" Why, Enoch was
translated; God took him up to heaven
without dying" johnny" By golly,
then, that's the line I'm going up on p
The Packer Quarterly.
"CHILDREN, said q minister, address
ing Sunday-school, "why are we like
flowers? What do we have that flowers
have9" And small boy in the infant
class, whose breath smelled of vermi-
fuge, rose up and made reply: "Worms!"
And the minister crept under the pulpit
to hide his emotion.
A LADY, as a birthday present, gave
her little son fishing line, hook and
pole. A few hours later she heard him
scream, and rushing out discovered that
one of her chickens had swallowed the
hook. "Don't be uneasy, mammal"
said the urchin "shell stop chewing
the line when she reaches The pole"
"PA," exclaimed Elnathan Dorkins,
Jr., to his respected sire, "pa, what's
the difference tween a elephant and a
tree 2" Mr.. Dorkins said something
about both having trunks, but was scorr-
fully interrupted by his offspring, who
shouted, "Cause the tree leaves in the
spring and the elephant leaves when the
menagerie leaves"
AT a railway station two gentlemen be-
longing to the district were warming
themselves in the waiting-room, when a
son of tho Emerald Isle, "rather out at
elbows, entered the room. One of the
gentlemen, Enthusiastically humorous,
said to him: "I'll be after giving You
my chair to warm yourself for six
pence. "Will your" was the reply.
IN be after letting you keep it for q
shilling; and it's meself that has much
need of one just now"
DENY no longer that animals have rea-
son. On one of the streets near the
Bourse is q wise old dog who for years
has roarned the sidewalks without rluz-
zle and fearing no arrest When in the
dog-days he perceives that policeman
is cycling him he trots away to the by-
drant and takes a drink of water with
great relish. "Ah hal" says the Off
Ger, " that dog hasn't the hydrophobia.
anyway" and he passes on. Thereon
the sagacious animal spits out tue water,
because if he should swallow ali he
Tapped he would unquestionably die CT
dropsy.-Paris Figaro. - atett'