, 1876-11-18
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
They have happy way of obtaining
suspension of judgmentin Colorado
by hanging the Judge.
Advice to those who accept drafts
upon bankers from the reckless and
Iimpecunious-- s.Don'c count your
checks until they are cashed."
Schuyler Colfax said in his recent
speech at South Bend. The hard
times are about over" He has made
another ''raise?"
Curate: "And I'm afraid you've taken
more beer tonight than is good for
you, Giles" Inebriate: "Surely. sir,
1 dare say I could a. carried it hom'
easier in jar!'
Yesterday being pleasant Sunday
says the Norwich Bulletin. "most Of the
boys who tended Sunday school brought
home q good many chesnuts which q
kind man had given them"
1t is remarked as little singular BY
a student of biblical paintings that all
the patriarchs are represented as being
bald. It should be remembered. howev-
er, that most of them married young.
A sagacious countryman. having been
asked by q stupid minister why he
roamed about the fields on Sundays in.
stead of going to church, replied, 'be-
cause prefer sermons from stenes to
sermons from sticks.
Don't gesticualte too vigorously. A
colored preacher in Texas who used his
arms more vigorously than wisely,
knocked over a kerosene lamp, from
which the audience came near being
burned up.
I'D thank you for another piece of
that mince pie.' said Dubbins to his
landlady. lowing to the peculiar
arrangement of the programme. no
piece can be repeated at this entertain>
ment," calmly replied the landlsdy.
A farmer, the other day. if the story
be true, wrote to New York merchant
asking how the farmer son was getting
along, and how he slept nights. The
merchant replied: HE sleeps in the
store in the day time. I don't know
where he sleeps nights"
The situation in Rhode Island is get
ting more embarrassing every day. One
can't move aside a few feet to avoid
mingling in a crowd at dog fight with
out having somebody in Massachusetts
or Connecticut yell at him 10 keep in
his own State.
Small girl --"Plaze. Misthur Donno-
van, what O'Clock is it," Horologer-
"Half past wan" Exit small girl Can
| interval of one minute. Re-enter small
girl-"Plaze Misthur Donovan, what
o'clock is it?" Horologer-"Sure amn't
I after tellin' ye?" Small girl-"Och
but tis another woman towld me to ak
ye this time"
81 don't see how you can have been
working all day like horse" exclaimed
the wife of lawyer. her husband de-
claring that he had been thus working.
'well. my dear" he replied. 1--WE
been drawing conveyance all day any
how.
A clergyman recently announced
| from his pulpit a beneficiary visit of the
Ladies' of his congregation to an orphan
asylum. He unfortunately ended the
announcement with an apostrophe.
thus: 1.-The ladies' will take with them
their own refreshments, SO as not to
eat up the orphans
A maiden lady said to her little
nephew: Now Johnny, you go to bed
early and always do so. and you'll be
rosy checked and handsome when you
grow up" Johnny thought over this
for few moments, and then observed:
Well. aunty you must have sat up a
good deal when you were young"
A good story is told of Spurgeon. His
habit is to shut himself up on Satur-
days One day man called and insis-
ted on seeing him. ''Tell him." said
the visitor to the servant, .that a SER
want of the Lord wishes to see him."
The message was delivered and the fol-
lowing returned: ''Tell him I am en-
gagged with his Master"
In a speech at Lawrence Mass,
recently. Ben Butler compared the
colors of the American flag to "the
heavenly blue of the seraph's eye, to
the crimson red of the sunset dyes. and
the gllttering white of the angels
wings" Some of BeA's acquaintances
think he never has seen. and never will
see, two of the colors named. n
They had company TO tea. The table
was set out splendidly. The biscuit
we're as white and light and faky as
snow, and the cake was just lovely.
The company was delighted with every
thing. and were enjoying themselves
hugely. when the infant Of tie house
hold unfortunately whispered. MA.
why don't you have such tea when
there amt company"
The fashionable season at the water
ing-places is over, and now when a
couple of ladies, who lived in the rear
of their dwellings all Summer. meet on
the street, they greet each other with,
''WhY, how tanned you are? When
did you get back?" And they are Just
as happy. apparently, as if they had
squandered thousand dollars at Long
Branch, and had not stained their faces
with a certain preparation with intent
to deceive"
Ministers will have their little Jokes
like other people. "Come over and
preach for me tonight" said Chicago
divine to clerical friend whom he met
on the street, not many days since. II
can't tonight" was the reply, II am
almost down sick with headache"
"Well." drolly observed the other.
II guess yon can do it. for if you preach
as you usually do. you wont have to
,,sa ~,e,~v hanI