, 1876-09-03
drew himself up to full height aud disdainfully

DIRE" himself up to full height Rnd dlsdainfully
| observed:
II an soldier, sir, not liar!'
$50 am a soldier" whined the promoter Of
"cruokcd ~ hay.
"You.' CALCULATED the Colonel, in tone Of
disgust. "What kind OF a soldier are your'
:fl'm soldier Of the Cross" said the skin
flint, with detestable flourish Of the hand.
sThat may be,'' said the Colonel, dryly, but
you've been on furlough ever since knew
you"
Elder Stark and his worthy wife we're the
happy parents Of nine children, girls and boys,
and riproarious set they were. Day and
night they made things lively around the old
hearthstone, for even the darkness failed en-
tirely to quel their turbulent spirits, for BY the
time the older ones had quicted down to sleep
the younger scions would begin to stir. But at
the table, while the blessing was being asked,
insisted upon.
Happening In to dinner one day flor the
Elders hospitality Was as large as his family
was numerousl watched with interest the
marshaling Of these fractious elements about
the table. One after another was cuffed, child
Cd, or rebuked by the worthy dame, while the
Elder sat with hands meekly folded, watching
eagerly for the first sign of calm. At length,
when momentary lull settled down upon the
expectant circle, the mother gave the table
smart rap with her knuckles, aud shouted,
"Qulck, quick, pa! now is your time;" and
Mr.. Peduncle went ont to milk the other day.
Now, if there Is one thing Mr.. Pedunclc prdcs
himself upon, it is his perfect command Of 4
COW. With his bucket on the ground, he milks
with both hands, and sings meanwhile, oc~
casionally bestowing word Of warning upon.
the COW II she whisks her tail at him or tries to
scratch her back with her bind foot On this
occasion he had nearly finished and was singing
cheerfully:
any soul $50 now y be on thy guard. What
in the Egyptian sand-hills ails this cow!)
Ten thousand {thunder and bora1; stand
And as Mr.. Peduncle raised himself up from
the barn floor and wiped the milk out Of his ears
and nose, he saw up in the loft the vile OF his
bosom with long switch in her hand, with
which she had been tickling the gentle animals
nose, and she said in an awful voice:
"OIVe1 Peduncle, reckon you'll wrap your
old tobacco-bo1 in my handkerchief again, next
Sunday, won't ye?-and have me take it to
church and sling it out on the foor-hey!'
When he milks now, Mr. PeduucIe sings very
softly, indeed, and keeps one eye on the loft
-ttC 1oTE Express.
Some years ago, being in Philadelphia, John
Cockerill, Of Ohio, received an introduction to .
prominent divine Of that city. The reverend
gentleman invited John to attend his church on
certain Sunday, which Invitation was accepted.
They entered tile sacred ediice together. It
Was one OF the first churches in the city, aud its
members were fashionable and a1istocratic in
elaborately furnished pew, well to the front.
John nestled comfortably down into one corner
Of the same, and looked about as interestingand
contented as toad under cabbageleaf.
After awhile the owner Of the pew arrived,
and at once gave signs Of intense disgust and
indignation At the presence Of the interloper.
He luoked at John, looked at the pew, scuwled
lnagniicently, and finally, afterfumbling through
his pockets some time, drew forth card and
wrote On it with pencil, "This is my seat, sir!"
aud, with IN air Of the loftiest contempt, tossed
it over to John.
The latter took it up, read it with 1anb-like
meekness peculiar to himself, and then, with
the most delightful coolness,. wrote in reply:
"It's deyilish good seat! }Fhat rent do you
payF :" and tossed the card back to its owner.
The latter took it, looked at it with the most
profound astonishmeut minute or two, aud
then broad grin overspread his countenance.
lie evidently enjoyed the sublime brass and
GOODNESS Of his new acquaintance, aud when
service was over he approached John, apollo
gized for his rndeness, invited him to his house,
gave him the best he had, and treated him with
the utmost respect and consideration during his
sojourn in the city.