Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-11-10
f. a N =


TIE TRUTH AT LAsT.-During the
war, an officer in the army Of the Poto-
mac as surprised, ON receiving draft OF
men to ELL up the gaps in the ranks, to
find that one of the names on the list was
Fitz-Herbert de Percy. Still greater was
his establishment at the discovery that the
owner of this ariStOcratlc name was an
Irishman, man of exceedingly plain feat
turs and uncommonly broad accent. The
possession Of this clearly impossible title
exercised dreadful fascination on all the
officers Of the regiment, and numberless
were the.'attempts made to discover What
the wearer's real name was, and why he
had adopted such an alias. All were BAT
fed. Drunk OF sober, to orders or entrea~
ties, artfully pumped OF abruptly question
ed. he made but one reply-''Me mann is
Fitz-Horboort de Porrcy." At last his
term expired, and he received his dis
charge. ''And now, De Percy" said his
commanding officer, ''you are out OF the
army, and whatever your real name may
be. or your relations with me. What was
it :? Come, now" ''Capting," answered
the man, II will NOT desave yez. Fitz-Hor-
boort de Porrcy was not me raal mann.
That.sor, I consayled for family raisons."
81 understand, I understand" said the
officer, eagerly; land your true name is"
.sMe raal mann, sor," answered the
soldier. lis not Fitz-Horboort de Porrcy,
it. is Fitz- Clarrince de Montmorenshy.
subscriber asks: When is the best
time to pick apples? This is a very SIM
nle~ouestion. We referred it to one of our
carrier boys, aged IA. and he answers that
the best time for such work is when the
farmer is not looking and there is no big
dog in the orchard.
sWhy did you leave your last placer"
inquired a young housekeeper about to en-
gage new servant. "Why, you see.
ma'am. ''replied the applicant, 81 was too
.good-loozing; and when | opened the door
folks took me for the missus.'
little girl was told to spell ferment,
and give it's meaning, with sentence i'll
which, it was used. The following was
literally her answer: "Ferment. vert.
signifying to work. | love to terment III
the garden
An freshman on board vessel when sic
was on the point Of laundering, being de-
sired to come on deck, as she was gong
down replied that he had no wish to GO on
deck and see himself drowned.
Punch's sharp and short history of Vir-
gInia is recalled by Wises death: John
Smith settled Virginia, John Brown IN
settled it, and Virginia settled John Brown.
Jack. who is at boarding school in the
country, writes home: "Please send me a
GOOD trap TO catch birds, and a piece of
CARPET for to say my prayers on"
When Philadelphia editor goes to Eu-
rope he simply hangs copy OF the ENG
gis,. Reader'7 On the ''copy hook" and that
lasts until he returns.
my darling's Shoes,' is the last soul
stirring dirty. The old mans CATERS, and
mig brothers boots will doubtless be next
worked into rhyme and music.
isNone but the brave deserve the fair"
And none but the brave can live with some
OF them.
The japanese make a strong string OF
paper. and we have seen very good cord
Of wood.
The Esquimaux say, "a man who has
three wives in this world is sure of heaven |
in the next.
A gen tleman, describing lady's even
ing dress, said it was low-necked: and
even t'more 500
A scapegrace remarked that the princi-
pal branch Of education in his school was
a willow branch.
A Burlington paper thus closes q naarri-
ace notice: No cards. no cake, no Wes-
tern paper need copy.
A little terrier in 10 wa ate q yeast cake.
Next morning his master didnt know him;
he was as big as bulldog.
Now is the time for farmers to mend
their ways; highways and byeways.
SVEen did Moses sleep five in bed
When he sleeps with his forefathers.
Fsuaxsers gather what they SOW while
sew what they gather.
When is small baby like big banker?
when Ike is "a Wroth-child.
How the worst man can make home hap
oy-by keeping away from il.
A romance Of the middle ages-An old
maids love letter.
The earliest tubular bridge-the bridge |
Of the nose. /
Paw down, and You never will be.dunned
20 nav I'D. :