The Portland daily press., 1876-08-31
From the Philadelphia Bulletin ]
A Silent BenefactOr,

Mr.. Cooley suffered a good deal last winter
from rheumatism in his breast, and his wife
was badly frightened about it for fear it should
end in consumption. Cooley could not be in
duced to try any remedy for the trouble, and
Mrs. Cooley was nearly worried to death about
it. AT last she determined to try strategy.
She made dry mustard plaster and one night
while he was asleep she sewed it upon the in
side of his undershrt SO that it would just cov-
or the rheumatic place. Cooley dressed him
self in the morning, wholly unsuspicious Of
the presence of the plaster, and went down
stairs. At TIE breakfast table, while he was
talking to his wife, he suddenly stopped,
looked cross eyed, and spasm of pain passed
over his face. Then he took up the thread OF
the conversation again and went on. He was
in the midst of an explanation of the political
situation, when all at once he ceased again,
grew red in the face, and exclaimed:
II wonder what in the-no, it can't be any
thing wrong"
Mrs Cooley asked what was the matter. and
Cooley said:
''Oh, it is that internal old rheumatism
agsin-come back awful. But never felt it
exactly the same way before. Kinder stings
me-" Mrs Cooley said she was sorry.
Then Mr.. Cooley began again, and was just
hopper in the West last summer, and the pota-
to bug in the East would affect the political
result next fall by making the people dscon-
tented, and SO likely to strike at the party in
power, VIII he suddenly dropped the subject,
and jumping up, said:
Thunder and lightning, what's that? Ouch
o Moses! | feel as if i had shovel of hot
Goals inside my shirt
"Must'be that rheumatism, getting worse"
said Mrs. Cooley, enthusiastically.
''Oh, gracious. mol It's something worse than
rheumatism. Feels like fire burning into my
skin. Ouch! Ow-wow-wow. It's awful. 1
can't stand it minute. believe it's cholera,
or something, and IN going to die!'
"Do try to be calm, Mr.. Cooley
calm! How can man be calm with vol
cano boiling over his shirt. Get out of the
way qnick, while go up stairs and undress
Murder-r-r TT, but it hurts. Let me get out
quick"
Then be rushed up to the bedroom and
stripped off his clothes. His chest was the
color of boiled lobster; but be couldn't fol
the life OF him tell what was the matter. Then
his eyes rested on something white on bis shirt
he picked up the garment and examined it,
Ten minutes later be came slowly down stairs
with dry mustard plaster in his hand, while
thunder clothed his brow
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook the plas
ter under her nose, aud said in suppressed
voice:
did you put that thing in my clothes?'
II did 1T Tor the best, john" she said. 81
thought"
lob, never mind what you thought, Vol
idiot! Never mind what you thought! You v,
taken the skin clear off my bosom, SO that Z n
as raw as sirloin steak, and I'll probably, nev
or be well again as long as live. That let's
You out. You play any more tricks like tina
on me, and I'll put you in the coal bin snt
keel. you there till you starve to death. Nov
mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went out
Mrs. Cooley doesn't know to this day exactly
what effect the grasshoppers are going to have
on the fall elections.