The daily gazette., 1876-01-05
Dl JOIN T E D .

where Phineas and Filura Pbiggins sat
together toasting their toes before re-
firing to rest. Presently Filura said:
"Therc, Phineas! | forgot to tell
Mary what to get fer breakfast, and |
shall have tu 90 down stairs again, after
all. Bat you need not wait up for me
for l know you are tired after last
night. Tn glad those club suppers
don't come but once year. Why
don't women sit up once year till three
or four O'clock IN the morning to talk
over the old times?'
"Wcll, don't know" said Phineas,
yawring. "Pcrhaps it's because they
don't wsutto acknowledge they are far
enough advanced in life to have any
old times to recall"
"Phineas, Phineas! if You were not
a crusty old bachelor when | took com
passion on your forlorn state and mar
iied you, you never would have made
that remark.
"Possibly," replied Phineas. as he
took OFT his dressing gown and hum
med:
"Let every old bachelor Ill up his glass,
piue Ia cOmponie"
Filura Hounced out of the room and
Phineas, ,divestiDg himself of his cloth
ing, got between the sheets, and was
soon in his dreams passing his plate
for another piece of that Erie black
duck which he had SO enjoyed the
night before at Parker's, when Filura
ahook him roug hly by the arm and
said:
"Phineas. Phineas! The gas is leak
ing in the dining room!
"Oh, bother!" replied Phineas, sit
Sting up in bed, little indignant that
fthe black duck had escaped him. 81
should think you and Mary might
tighten that joint without making me
get out of bed. All you've got to do
Is to turn the fixture round once or
Twice"
Every WELL" said Filura, ,cheerfully,
81 think l can do it. I'm twice as
handy as you are, any way.
Phineas heard her descending the
stairs, and about two minutes later he
heard the feet of two women, one light
annd one haavy, running across the
lower floor, and Filura's voice In
troubled accents exclaiming:
ooh, dear, l wish / had piece OF
dough-"
The cause of the commotion and
this curious aspiration was revealed to
Phineas as II by inspiration. Filura
had turned the fixture the wrong way,
the joint had come completely off and
the house was rapidly filling with gas
| Visions of terrific explosion and of
the big head lines in the morning pa
per iloated before the mental vision
| of Phineas, as he hurriedly got into
his clothes and descended half dressed
into the basement. The noise of the
escaping gas as he reached the lower
! floor sounded like the whistle of small
steam engines, and the smell was al
ready quite overpowering. Filura and
the girl were rushing madly about iu
the dark, tumbling over the chairs,
neither of them having presence OF
mind enough to raise the windows.
"Get out of here" exclaimed Phin.
cas- as valiant as policeman who had
a lot of small boys to deal with and
knows who is master of the situation.
| He caught vision of retiring skirts
as he threw open the windows, and
presently he heard the front door slam
and Filura's form appeared on the
grass plot outside in company with
| that of the domestic.
"What are you going to do, PEin-
eas?" asked she, in a helpless manner.
"Stand here all night with my
thumb over this hole, suppose re
piled the irate Phincas, as he felt
around with his left hand for the
missing JOINT. He could not find it,
and Filura once more put her head
into the window and inquired:
"What are going to do, Phineas?"
eff only had cork" said Phineas.
':He says if he had CO; k" repeat
ed Filura to the hired girl, but neither
of them made a motion to get one.
| In the meanwhile Phineas was crop.
ing about with his disengaged hand
for the missing fixture, when he heard
a bacchanalian party approaching,
singing snatches of cOnvivial song.
The storm had passed and the moon
! just at that moment peering through
the clouds made the room bright as
day. There stood Phiggins. his arm
elevated above his head, his thumb
pressed over the aperture in the leak
ing pipe, while all about broken man
tel ornaments and dllapidated chairs
were strcwn in distressing confusion.
| I he sound of voices grew neafer, and
| finally some dozen or more young
men, we'll clothed, out with that indie
scribable air of l0wness about item
that bespeaks the corner loafer, ap>
peared in sight, and seeing two women
gazing into the window, stopped also,
aud leaning over each others shoul-
ders surveyed the scene.
"Hellor said one of the group,
"here's been jolly rowi Old man
has been smashing the furniture, and
turning his wife out of dours. Let's
put head on him. boysl Shall we,
mlssuss" he Inquired, as he turned 10
Fllura, who now stood plainly In the
moonlight, shivering from head to
foot, and with the missing joint,
which she had in her confusion car
ried with her from the house, grasped
tightly in her right hand.
"Ch, MOI" she gasped. "There's no
trouble. Please 20 on, do. It's my
husband, and he wouldn't hurt me
Tor the world"
"That's just like these women" :"
said VOunQ man with urnt II hera n l.