The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-01-29
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

Why didn't the republican party, NJ 'he emu q
the civil war, punish JEFF Davis for ueasoa
They have been singing for thirteen years abou
hanging JEFF Davis On sour apple tree, but have
never done more than make mouths al him.
Since Cincinnati has been selected for the ma
t:oual convention, the gravestoue men there have
seen hard at work They know wha; Cincinnati
Whisky docs FOR strangers
President Grant sleeps but SIX hours ont O.
the2a He gets up early, and has the shutters
down and Cpclc Sans Office swept out by
o'clock every morning. He wants Uncle sam to
hire him again in the fall
Tho Louisville Co,aqcy-1ou77pal remarks that
The Centennial appropriation bill seems 70 have
neen badly cbsti7Ietea in its passage 10y one
James Gillespie BltiDe, Of Maine
Senator Patterson, Of SoutA Carolina, 10 the
rno~rd BOYS in his state: Are YOU going 10
In, Chamberlain frichtep you Of with his cry OF
reform. and economy Why, gentlemen, there
are Eve wears Of good stealing IN South Carolina
vetr
Boston 'ustaIed paper prints = wood cut
portrait Of : anEy Blanchard, the champion liar,
md y,e0yle who ought 10 know say IL is per
Ter; likeness 81 Daan F.a;:.
mar In Indianapolis las invented new kind
% Tus-ioolh comb Th2; man understands the
uecd. 81 The people, and his memory will be
Gratefully cherished lcnS after keeley is forgot
-an.-lA TsraSE
n TIE haste iuciden. 10 newspaper work an
occasional a;rOci:y Is unavoidable, but it is time
~ some PROBES! 20 be made against the abbre.
v.sitoa 81 the name OF The GdlidtiH Examiner. No
roErz4lis. however hard pressed for time, can
e.s excused for referring to any paper as TIE Cal
E,-zrzir.cr.-LosisrillsC Courier Journal.
1.-THE Union League had hung JEFF Davis to a
sour apple tree, as It used to threaten, Blaine
you'd have been out Of meat.
TIE Methodist, discussing the Bishop Haven
business, gets over il with the remark that hap
ply the denomination is not responsible for its
fools.
why don't men swear when they are alone 81
asks Talmage. Did Mr.. ralma.e ever lay around
the fence corners and see lone farmer pick I'D
bundle bee? What did that farmer say?
The ST. Louis Times punctures the bubble OF
the radical party's love for the public schools by
saying the love is like that Of the cannbals for
missonaries-they fatten that they may eat
them There is hardly radical state in which
the school fund has not been robbed, two nota.
bic recent instances being the defalcations Of
The state treasurers Of Iowa end Kansas, each Of
whom made deep dive into the school fund.
The author of the saying: Always take man
as you find him." was constable. The author
Of the saying, " II you find man, don't fail to
take him." was an old maid.
Kentucky turns up her nose at her sister states
and claiming to be free from debt proudly points
to a balance of sj0953947 in her treasury All
very nice 10 have this little surplus of fortysev-
IN cents and few odd dollars in the treasury,
but what has Kentucky done TO raise from hum.
bic means to ailuence such deserving citizens as
Babcock, Boss Shepard. Casey, Bullock, Moses,
Kellogg, and 50 on, too numerous to mentong
THE horse that bit his master,
How came IL to pass?
He heard the gooC pastor
Say All flesh is grass"
Our Felo,Jr, (who
went TO church last Sunday)
The latest approved way Of saying ii is:
Why is your wife like dynamite?
Because she's apt TO blow you up If harshy
handled.
Francis Murphy was at Mt Carroll, H., the
first and second OF January Two hundred and
twenty-five signed the pledge.
Well, that beats all the swear-offs " we've
heard OF yet. It was mighty rough on the sa.
looms for week or ten days, but "lagcr beer
ntocS MI Carroll again, as Of wore.
He who invests one dollar in business should
invest one dollar in advertising that business
T. T. Sterdrt
We reckon it Is experience, not Providence
that teaches a small man with a b.g wife to keep
bis dander at low tide as the chief condition of
domestic tranquility. Providence seldom does
the work Of experience, alas,-for the barber
Respect age, and age will respect you. For
example: II you have maiden aunt thirty
five years old and she is passing hcrscl. Off COR a
girl OF twenty, that is no excuse for you to ex-
pose her. lfyou don't expose her she will pr OBJ
ably be considcratc enough not % tell the girls
you're not Yet dry behind the ears" and all the
Tomandjerry's and Tidal Waves in town can't
ssve you il that gets on: once
60 The first printers We're Titans." There are a
great many" tight.uns" among them still Not
in Ottawa, Of coursc-only ddily editors - can
afford to get tight here.
Mrs DeSecr, the celebrated lecturer ON tenn.
perance, spoke in this city sunday morning and
evening. She called at the rooms Of the Dixon
Independent Temperance League" Monday
morning, and presented the society with copy
Of her book. entitled, Marian Lee or, Ono Wo-
mans Trial and Triumph '-DiIoa Sun.
suiIerin' Moses! Shoot the book! Slow mu,
sic, TO the tune, God Save Dixon"
]. Is now announced that in the course Of the
next 10000 years the whole globe will be cover
cd with water 10 the depth of 20 feet. Now's the
line 70 advertise rubber oYcrllls--wc cannot all
have trees, nor all ran arAs.
No one cyCr realizes the perfect bliss OF q
bachelor's life ill he finds that hls washwoman
has mistaken his stockings .ior his shr, bosom
and starchod them accordingly
The question, So Why did the htl,d fail to con
meet on Saturday last" is objected to-
What a noble idea 1t il to die for ones country
,r Tor the f,ond III the rnrrt IL +. This that has