The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1876-08-28
Mr.. MoGuffin Applied
Science to the Cats,
How
MAX Adeler.1

In the street |nere Mr.. Magutin lives,
the cats nave lately appeared in great
numbers, and fought with fervor that
Gas spread dismay among the boarders.
They would coDgregate on the iron fence
In front of the house, and skirmish from
sunset until break of day. On Friday
evening Mr.. Maguff1n took home mys-
terlous package which he carefully de-
posted in his own apartment. After
dinner ne invited ali the boarders to his
room: on tf.ole was curious looking
machine, and from it ran two wires
whose eno.s were attached to the iron
fence.
1T las occurred to me-" said Mr.. Ma
guInrI, "that however advantageous to
IN merchants who deal in those articles
.ne present habit OF shying water pitch
1 ers and bootjackS at cats may be, the
practice is expensive to lis and unsatts-
| factory in its results. The very energy
| impaired to the propulsion of these i'm
| proVised projectilcs impairs the accur-
acy Of our aim; and when we consider
the soonness of the cat ip changing POSI-
tion you will readily believe The state
Iment that have known seYenty-three
pitchers and eighteen booUacks to be
cast at one without effect, except on the
pitchers and bootjacks. 1t has occurred
TO me that in this age q progress such a
method of killing cats is crude ana
waste1ul, and that the means Tor the de-
lstrucIion OF these animals should Keep
pace with the many other improvements
devised for the ameli0ration ofmankind.
/ have, therefore, provided, as you see,
an electrical battery, which is connected
with the caps promenade, and
Mr.. Magruder (sltting at the back WIN
dow )-Here comes black cat walking
on the eIce.
Mr.. Magutiu (adjusting the machine
Black? Eublem of strength. Note
the black bear, the black snake, the Nor
gan horse, and the other animals and
reptiles. The
Black cat ON nce-Meow-weow-ow !
oeow-ou.owl (Mr. Magufin turns on
the machine.) Oo-owl pz-zpitl Magutin
turns on more power.) Wow-raeoW-ow-
quawkl l-thud.
Magruder-By Jimmy, he's goner
He's dropped on the groundl
Magufhu-lnus we see illustrated one
OF the beneficial results OF modern
science. Little did the great inventor Of
telegraph think, when struggling for the
building of his first line, That the time
would come when his mighty and as yet
comparatively unknown power would
be utilized for many other purposes than
the transmission of intelligence. We
may yet see condensed lightning put up
. in packages convenient for handling
| and shipment, and Tor sale in every
Magruder-Here comes a white cat
! walking on the fence.
81 Magutin-W bite, beautiful white! EN-
blem OF purity, badge OF Justice, color OF
D sheets, paper collars and vanilla ice
Ji cream. [ hate to XII white cat, but
2l White cat on the fence-Br-eow-ow-
eOW-HOU-OO-Zt Zitl MI
Magufin-"But when they howl like
: that, pity takes back seatW-( turns on
y the machine with great force.) WOorooI
i wooroo! eow-owl (More Lightning, y
] Bz-z.ztl quackl quaWuk-thudl
Magruuer (eGcitedly )-Got 'em again
' by gravy.
Aud SO the brave work went on, cats
coming, as usual from all directions, as
ever bowling, and walking unsuspect-
B ingly along on the top of the iron fence,
I path once strewn with roses, but nov
s. brlstling with the briers of death. Mr.
2 Magu1hn turned steadily on the crank,
and at short intervals for hours "thud,''
''thud," marked tue fall of cats whose
serenading nights are over.
Yesterday morning, before breakfast
| the boarders went out ana gathered VI
!, the cats and stacked them on the curb
stone, where they would be handy lo
the ashman when the ash carts came
along. Magruder called them of whil
Magutiu made an inventory: