The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-11-16
WHOLE NO. 1885.
Miscellaneous.

Whit do young ladies lock Tor N
church The "hims."
What is that which 10 lensthened By
being cut at both ends1 A ditch.
A Cincinnati fend advertises for meu
with fever and sgue 70 shake carpets.
N your uncle's sister 10 not your aunt.
what relation is she 70 youl Your
mother
Why has an ocean voyage no terrors
for pbysicians1 Because they are accus.
toned 10 see sickness.
Why is the elephant the most saga
cious Of travelersf Because he never
takes his eyes of his trunk.
A pair Of Indiana twins. afty years
Old wish TO pass themselves on Tor
csntenariAn.
I'VE 6nd that he came 10 his death
from calling Bill Jones = liar" was the
verdict OF a eOroners jury In Missouri
The editor Who was told that his last
article was a. clear a. mud quite prompt
ly replied well. that covers the
ground"
An old lady from the rural distriols
astonished a clerk In one OF the stores,
lev days ago. BY inquiring II he bad
any ''yallrr Developments, sioh a. they
did letters in"
MY client Ain't no mo guilty Of steal.
ing that hog than = frog ain't got no
tail. was young kentucky lawyers ad-
dress % Warren county jury.
No. air" said = weary locking mAn ON
a. ret car TO an individual ~ his aide.
Il wouldn't marry Oh. b-at woman alive
We bven dry goods clerk too long for
that"
What is the difference between a cloud
and . beaten child One pours with rain
aud the other roars with pain.
A man in . Scotch village. Who had o
good telescope. looked Al his third oous-
IN through u. which brought him A. near
40 a fret cousin.
A lawyer at the bar va. held 10 be In
cont-mpt for simply making q motion In
court Il vas Asc.rtained. however, that
he made motion 10 throw an inkstand
at the head Of the court
A New York paper has chi. slanderols
NNMHMN A0MMAN MAA uAus
steal association that IL over hny years
old One or two young ladies have be-
longed 10 10 ever since Il was organized.
A bald man was sadly astoni.hed 20
iind hi. French barb-r's charges 80 high.
"Teu francs" said he for cutting my
hair "Oh no. monsieur. not Tor cut.
ling your hair, but Tor finding de hair 10
cut"
Man" says Victor Hugo was the
conandrum Of the eighteenth century;
som.L 10 the conunlrun OF the nine.
ternth century" An American editor
sdd.: We cant guess her, but we'll
never give her up. No. nevorr
A young man suffering from heredita.
~ Fout said he didn't mind the pain of
- 80 much but" said be. the thought
that some old ancestor had al the fun Of
acquiring this precious heirloom Is what
takes hold OF me-"
A hinnesota ludy. In taking her morn.
ING gHpe. lat+ly. put her jaw out OF joint,
aud u Waa Two days before the doctor
could get IL Ia place again. Her husband
-ays be has NOT had such avacatioa since
his married life began.
A marriage took place recently at Jev.
tngton. England. the peculiar feature Of
which Wa that the bride had no arms.
The ring bad 10 be placed on the thhd
toe OF the Lett foot aud she signed Tie
marriage register with her toes.
Have you ground all the tools right,
- ! told you this morning. when wslt
away said a carpenter O. . rathsr
grven lad. whom he had taken for an
apprentices. "Ail but the handsaw. sir.'
r-pii-d the led promptly. II couldnt
svt all the gAps out Of that"
An eminent and fAoetious lawyer vas
present during the rehearsal OF Ma.
b-th" In the scene where Macbeth
questions the witches. What is't you
10 2 they answer: "A d-rd without
name" The lawyer Immediately ~.
marked 10 friend. "A deed without o
name Why. it's void
The second night after her hrst hus-
band died .h- sat BY the open window
i've hours. waiting tor the eats 10 beg N"
hxhting in the backyard She sAids
THIS thing Of going 20 bed without .
quarrrl Of sans kind Il 40 neu that
can't staad a. Let mo alone till Ihey
bcgin-thsn can doEe OF gently"
What do you think Of The present
iuTy system inquired a man of an cd
chicago sHjudgr. the other evening.
. THINK 2 echoed the old man. ia dis
gust Il think 10 - getting 90 that ia
man should plead guilty Of murder snd
Try To s~t hung the jury uoul 4. some
how OF other. manage 70 aeqait him"
A theological student. supposed 70 be
rather deficient ia Judgment waa asked
by professor. In the eourss Of = class
vxamtnAtinn-
PRAY. Nc. T.. how would you discover
a fool p
by the questions ne would ssk." was
the rather stunning reply.
Pa. will you get me . pair o. skates
Il J prove 10 you that dos has Zen
tails p
"Yes. my son"
"w-ll. 10 begin with. ono doi has one
more tail than no dos. hssa't b 2
We'll. no dog has nine tails. and 10
one dog has un- more tail than no dog.
then one dog must have ten tails"
lie got the skates.
One day Bill had company 10 dine
with him, aud his wif~. wishing William
TO appear veil. quietly admonishsd him
Co g. csrsiai what b. said Al vent
veil till Bal got his potatoes well mash.
ed wh-n he said
Dolly. parse the grcaser
why. William. said his wife. yoa
-houid call 10 gravy"
Wall said Bill. Il guess II get 10 on
your tAbl-cloth IL would be grease"
The guests shouted.
See that So thatr' exclaimed an
anxiously y-actins man. - he grA.ped q
policeman arm on the Chicago baseball