The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1876-07-12
GheGttelIias'tee
The Difference Between MILK
Tickets and MILK.

We received at this office some time
ago a book from the Hon. David A. Wells
that we feel tempted to send up to sleu'
bepyille for the peruSal Of our friends o.
the Ga:eiie-thc great "more money ant
less misery" champions Of Eastern Ohio
PERHAPS, however, they have seen 1t, ant
NAV be read it, and, If SO, we invite theil
attention TO page 9G Of the book, which
by the way, is called "RobinSon CrusOe'
Money" We quote US follows, for thu
ediGcalion Of the Gazette and all other
similarly afflicted with mania for "mor'
money and less misery"
"Up to this time the supply Of milk, on
the island had been mainly cC;'IrolIed ~
a single corporation, which, under ths
name Of the aLacteal Fluid Association,
owned all the COWS, and, for the Gnrlo;se u
Of facilitating supply had long oeen t1 -.
The habit Of Issuing tickets, each good ior
n mint or a quart Of milk, and disPSslng
of Mill IN those only who had tickets
Tbase tickets revoIved perfectly in the
oIosoJ circle Of exchange between the
clo :S. .,,or AMI their customers, satisfying
Iii 'InmnnJs and being accepted as tue
same thing a. milk; for the more tlsSes,
IIr more milk; and no tickets, no milk.
During the war the cannibals, In lack
NJ Dny other meat, had eaten large mum.
Ter NJ The cows belonging to the "Lacteal
Association" Many had been also taken
by the Government for the soldiers; so
,iat after the war was over there were
really no more COWS than the island ab.
solutely needed. All at once, the "foot.
apd.mouth disease" invaded the island,
and, attacking every COW belonging to the
association, rendered her unable to give
milk. Then arose such piteous cry
from every household where there were
babies a. carried pang to the stoutest
hearts. There was no need OF any con.
cer,ed action, for the people assembled
spontaneously and demanded action. An
immense public meeting was at once or.
ganized. A highly popular and humane
man, a special friend Of children, famil-
iarly known as Uncle Dick, was called to
the chair. He was supported by long
list Of leading citizens as yice.presidents
and secretaries, none OF whom, however,
had had any practical acquaintance with
milk since their childhood, except in the
form Of punch. The chairman made an
eloquent speech. He did not know
whether he was most agitated by pity or
Internationally for the poor babies
whose sufTerings had become intolerablei
Indignation at the cruelty Of the charter.
ed monopolists, who had wantony refused
TO issue more tickets at the very time
when the demand for milk was most I'M.
peratiyc. The assembly was Of one mind
with the chairman, and unanimously re-
solved that the Lacteal Association
should Immediately increase their supply
Of tickets, and that, in default thereof
their charter should be altered and
amended. Unable TO resist the storm OIL
popular indignation, the association al
once complied, and every patriotic citi
zen went home TO the bosom Of his al
flicted family, carrying an abundant sup
ply Of miIk.tickets, and feeling conscious
that for once at least he had arisen TO thu
level Of the occasion.
That night the babies were all supplied
with milk-tickets in the place OF milk
Milk.tickets hot, milk.tickets cold, milk
tickets sweetened, milk.tickets plain
milk.tickets with their backs printet
green, and interchangeable with milk
tickets drawing cream skinned iron
other mllk-tickcts. But, strange 10 say
the babies, one and all, with that SAINT
sort Of instructive perversity which in
duces children OF larger growth to re
fuse to accept shams for reality, and b
grateful in addition, refused to take III,
milk-tickets. The uproar Of the nigh
previous was as nothing TO tue disturb
ances Of the night following, and morning
dawned upon an unrefrcshed and tro'l
bled population.
As soon as the necessary arrangement
could be made, another meeting assem-
bled. But the meeting this time wa
composed Of babies, backed by thei
mammas and nurses, There was no the
ory in their sentiments, and though yOunl
in years, one and all felt that they ha'
lived long enough to know what thei
fathers apparently did not know-name
", the difference between milk and paper
The resolutions voted were brief, but I
the point, and were, substantially, a
follows:
First, that the exigenCies Of the time
demanded more milk, apd not more milk
tl,aI llo xp0s IN got InnF