Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1876-08-04
Nasty in Southern Indiana-A Sad
Failure.
[From the Toledo Blade.1
CoNFEDRIT X ROADS,
WITCH IL IN THE STATE Nv KENTTrCE

tFrom the Toledo Blade
CoNFEDRIT ROADS
WIcH Is IN THE STATE Nv KENTUCKY,
Jooly 10Th, 1876.
Man is NV but few days and full NV trou-
BILE. l can't understand why life should be
sich a conundrum-I can't underst tand why
things shoodent go on with more perfect
loosenis, and en- easier gait. In short, why
shoodent everybody except the black Re
publikins, hev precisely wat they want with.
out all this trouble and perplexity to git it.
Feelin it to be my dooty to do suthin in
the interest NV "Tilden and Reform" con-
clooded to spend porshen NV the money
that John Morrisey left with me, TO infioo-
ence voters, in lower county in lnjeeany,
and to do it efectooally made perfect pre-
parashen beforehand, and made sich ar
rangements ez wood result in proper
demonstrashen Nv the sooperiority NV Til.
den and Reform" over Hayes and Wheeler.
Ez he'd to do the speekin l intended it to
be effective. / wantid that my work shood
count for the coz, and be seed that hood re-
suit in a glorious harvest in November.
hev alluz notsed that ef a speeker kin
be in erruptid at the rite time, and eff the
feller wat interrupts happens to ask ques-
tion n which the speeker is perfeckly post
id, his prompt anser alluz puts the question
er, or interrupter, to flite, and wins for the
speeker the sympathy of the people. ! per-
posed to interdoose new ijee in stumpin,
takin with me my own interrupter, SO that
Good be sure that the queries he shood put
wood be sich that Good properly anser, and
anser with etfeck.
l selectid ez the questions wantid asked
me, these
Wat is the amount NV the nashnel debt?
IF Linkin he'd bin detected, wood that
debt hey bin incurred?
Wuz not the incurrin NV the debt bless
in, pertk elerly ez it was incurred to give
freedom to 100000 niggers?
Is it not the wisest thing we kin do TO git
down to gold basis vo-wunstg
Hadent the Western farmer ought to SWEET
and scald to pay the debt to the Eastern
capitalist?
| writ these questions all down and ar
ranged for the answers. You see they give
me chance, ef Good hev EN- asked in or
der, to give the Republicans sch hidin eZ
they never he'd 1t GIVE me an upportooni-
ty to show that the debt was made in the in
tr, st NV ablishnsm, tnat ef the Republican
party he'd never succeeded there never wood
hev bin no debt, that to git back to gold
wood room everybody, and that the Eas ern
bOndholder wan,ed the We=ttrn farmer 10
pay the debt any ay.
| decided 10 axe Issaker Gavitt with me
to act ez Rtpubllkn interrupted, aud he'd
to git him up ez RepuOl'kin, 1t wuZ a
hard JOb-the hardest | ever undertook. To
metamorphose Cross Roads Democrat into
publikin is ala that reqUires genius;
but undertook it. and succeeded TO some
extent / powdered his nose, he'd him
shaved, and put on him a clean shirt. l
made him black his boots, hevin first fur
nished him with pair, and then put on him
decent soot OF close, and made him wear EN-
about the corners awhile till he got yoosed
to EN-, aud Good app ar easy in EN-. Then
| took him AID coached him in the ques-
tions | wantid him to ask. l he'd him repeat
EN- over and over agin till he he'd EN- by
heart, and | told him exactly where in my
speech wantid him to git in with eech
NV EN-. l repeetd my speech to him a doz-
en- times, and he'd him interrupt me, with
his questions, or rather the questions l
he'd prepared for him, and then | made the
anses, and instructed him in all the minu
tia, even to his blushin when he sot down
discounted.
got him so well instructed that l fiat
tered myself shood go through with wet
sheet and hOwin sale, and shood accom-
plish big work for the party. 1affed TO
think wat good thing it wood be to hev Is |
saker dressed up as a Republican, with his |
nose powdered and to hev him ask me sich |
questions ez / Good auser-askin EN- ez a |
and me putin him to utter |
shamel
The fust mite 1 spoke l had it all ar
ranged. Issaker wuz to set in the awjence,
and at the proper time, in all NV wich he |
wuz instructed, he wuz to commence. 1t
wuz big meetin, the skool house wuz full |
nhu uOpSu lOI SICuh InluSS.
Alars for human expectashunsl he'd bin |
so bizzy drummin up the meetin thro the
day that didn't watch Issaker, and knew |
nothin NV wat he wuz doin till / saw him in
his place in the awjence. / commenced my |
speech, and hedn't got decently into the in
think | was dwelling on the |
horrors NV mssegenashen-when up he got. |
Great Heavens He wuz ez drunk ez a |
billed owl, and hedn't any more idee NV wat |
he was doing than a 500 Injun. Risin to |
his feet he swayed around unstedily, and re- |
marked that he he'd question to ask. In |
agony, for l coodent help myself, sed,
' ask it.n
"Ez Republican," sed he.
The awjence all laffed, for they knowd by |
his nose that he wuz no Republican.
"Ez Republican l want to know whether |
a debt wich wuZ incurred to nominate Til |
len, and bring about the blessings NV |
Suthern Confedrisy, oughtent to be paid by
Tilden and paid the likker bills |
Nv the Speaker on the platform, who owes |
me for more than four yeers board, and |
never paid for drink in his life onless il |
wuz mistake, and wich brot me here to in
Lerrupt him, wich | swear l won't do onless |
he
"Sit down, you ideot," I yelled, "and |
1on't interrupt me when Pm discussin' |
great cons ,ooshnel questions"
"Ideot, yOorself," yelled lssaker, in a |
drunken rage. 81 come her on yoor account, |
and at yoor expense, to play Republican and |
interrupt 700, and l won't take no ideot |
from yoo or any other man.
And the infooriated beest made his way |
.hro that awjence, and percpetatid hisself |
onto me, and dragged me off the platform, |
and whaled me till / thot he'd gone thrO |
he entire Rebellion. | he'd no idee afore ez |
% wat wuz meant by being whaled
Wv course the meeting wuz broken up, |
md the axV hianarsaI in Iesalyar
N his drunkenness went to the nearest bar
'oom and told 'em all NV our arrangement, |
md before mOrnin' he'd not only spent the |
money l he'd provided him with, but he'd
Dawned the close / he'd furnished him, and |
found him in the NOR in mere wreck
"Parson" sed the inebriated lunatic, 81
ion't suppose hev hin much yoose TO the
party, and hewitt furthered the coz to any
llarmin extent, but hev he'd good timel
Let us go on to the next town at once, Get
me another SCOT of close, and let us 20 on
slectin Tildeu in this way. And hy the way
can't fill in my spare time by arrangin ON
off mites to be Dimocrat to interrupt Re-
publican speekerm
didn't anser him-I wuz too sick. But |
Hithcrin him with cuss bade him depart,
and borroTred money NV the committy to 20 |
)n to my next appintment alone.
1t is singler: Yoo can't make a Dimocrat |
without whisky, but by the time they have
AIKEN enuf of II TO make EN- secoor, they |
ire so burnt out that they heven't eny sense |
and amt any yoOse TO the party ex
'ept to be votid. II is a cold world, and | |
I'm tired NV II. Ef didn't hey a tollable
nope that Tilden wood be elected, and | |
wood git that Post-ofiis, | shood give up all
hopes of reform, and lay me down and die.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY,
Wich would like 70 be Postmaster.
To NEuTaAIIyH noison mIx and drink /