Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-05-15
Indian affairs-iohnnycakes.

Indian affairs-johnnycakes.
The iron horse has but one ear-the
engineer.
A bald headed man peddling hair
restorer was the confusing spectacle pre-
sented to Danbury in the past week.
Daabuyy NeaoS.
Some people regard it as singular that
a man who never played cards in his
life because it is wicked, will exact ff-
teen per cent interest from q widow.
A frontier Texan who was asked if
he was going to attend the Centennial
Exhibition, guilelessly replied "Pd
like to, but I'll have to put it off till
next year"
Landlord, didn't you ever have q
gentleman stop with you before ?" "Are
you gentleman ?'' "Yes, am"
"Then l never had one stop with me
before"
A father bent on instructing his three
year-old son said: eff you had three
apples and should give me one, how
many would you have left ?' 81 wouldn't
do it, pa" was the prompt reply.
A woman who went to concert to
hear Blind Tom ''play by ear" writes
that she was swindled. and wants us to
expose the fraud. She says that instead
of playing by ear he played with his
fingers, just like other performers
NOrriSto10n Herald.
A gentleman in this city has pair of
pantaloons which were worn by one of
his ancestors hundred years ago. They
are made of home-spun cloth, except the
seat, which is of thick leather. 1t is
inferred by this that the original owner
was a book agent.-Norloick Bulletin.
How terrific must be the molecular
action in the brain of a man who comes
home at one o'clock in the morning sing
ing "Too raj, 'ooral Oddly" and mistakes
his wife's patent hustle, standing pale
and rigid in the corner, for the spirit of
his deceased mother-in-law. - Globe
Democrat.
An exchange remarks that zone draw
back to having money is that everybody
wants to know what you are doing with
it." We have observed this ourself ;
they usually want to know about the
first of the month and have an unpleas-
ant way of coming around and sitting
on your front steps mornings If you
don't tell them.
Fond mother Ito old gentleman tc
whom her son is apprenticed): 81 am
sorry to say, sir, that Harry won't be
able to come to work for some little
time. The doctor says that he has got
the brain fever" Old gentleman: Then
the doctor is - fool, madam, for TIE
boy hasn't got any more brains than
than q donkey, ma am.
Now doth the little onion
Poke up its little head,
And the restless little radish
Stretch in his little bed.
The sunfsh and the minnow
Wag their shiny little tails,
While the chipmunks and the robin
Adorn the fences rails.
The blossom by the hedge-side
And along the city's street
Tells of the beauteous spring-time
And the roses blooming sweet.
STALE Yesterday as an elder
ly married couple were passing up Stat
street a lady on the opposite side stub
bed her toe and fell down. The oil
gentleman rushed across the street, raise,
his hat and offered to assist her in an.
possible way. His wife followed hin
across at a slow pace, and witnessing hi
devotion to the stranger she got mad an
shook her fist at him.
. "lt's all right-it's all right" b
= whispered. t
r .Yes, know it is % she hotly ez
9 claimed. "Here an unknown woma
Z stubs her toe and you plough across tn
: street to eat her up with kindness. Th
other day when | fell down stairs 20
d stood at the bottom and laughed, an
II chuckled and tickled your ribs, an
wanted to know if was prasticiDg for
circus i'-DetriOt Free Press.