, 1876-05-14
HUM0R.
A shiftless woman: Eve.

HUMOR.
| A shiftless woman: Eve.
IA High-Roller Thunder.
a team Of Mayors that won't hitch: Hoyne
and Colyin.
| II baseball clubs hare the "spirit Of 49," let
their scores be Z to 8.
The testimony Of Miss Ada in Washington
was not Sweet pill for some folks.
| II Massachusetts, doesn't hang Pomeroy,
people will begin to think he is her faGorite
| son."
Senator Jones is said to hare metallic ring
to his voice that is decidedly unpleasant to soft
money men.
Proctor Knott is represented to be one Of the
homcliest men in Congress. sand yet he is
Knott happy"
"Dog gone It, ma" was the way little Fred
| dy, years old, described the theft Of some meat
BY strange dog.
Offenbaeh was very sick on the voyage to this
! country. He Often wished he was bach before
| he was half-seas over.
! Olive Logan is fond Of the ducats, and there
fore she wants Writ Sykes to 60 to Florence for
"Thc Mighty Dollar"
A co1ored barber in this city was arrested last
| week for an assault on his WIFE, He said he
only wanted "to razor once"
"Its aw1 for the good Of her sole" WIS what
the cobbler told the police when he Was arrested
for pegging at his wife with last.
A horse-thief In Custer City resisted the Sher-
III, who was trying to capture him. He proba-
biz did not want to "take arrest''
nf
does not prevent the critics from saying she
plays the dickens on the stage in "Anna
Boleyn."
Etiquette prescribes that gentleman should
precede a lady going up stairs, but the new
fashion in mems pants will probably cause
change.
A Milwaukee man went to q meeting In Lon
don one evening, aud when the cockneys said,
"ear, ear" he took it for personal allusion,
and got out.
Blanca RosaTel1ps debut IN t|Tray1ata" at
Covcnt Garden, London, WIS q complete
triumph. Her friends Tucker home In = car
riage lined with the flowers which Wern shower
cd on the stage during the evening.
Somebody who Is fond OF figures and
square meal says 1t costs 55.45 for dinner at q
restaurant in New York The IS cents would
keep many banner-casr in grub for week
The Danvflle Wt.) Star chronicled the depart
ure OF couple Of ita citizens for Washington,
last week, by saying, after mentioning their
names: "These two gentlemen are weu-known
Dam7llllans." The editor hasn't Eaton any
thing since.
4 jewelry-house was burglarized in New York
last month, and the result was that the concern
was put in the hands Of Receiver. It now
turns out that be took what was left for his e1-
penscs. The creditors must think that the
Receiver was worse than the thiet " Ia this IN
stance
puN-aLENnas.
If brokers wish to raise tho wind, theytshould
negotiate cyclone.
When you see a young goat asleep, can you
call it a case Of kidnapping
Dom Pedro is anxious to meet the poets Of
America So were we-before We went into the
newspaper business.-Worcesau P7ess.
Judge: "Haye you anything to offer to the
Court before sentence is passed on you ~
Prisoner: "No, Judge. I had SO; but my Law
yers took that"
~ would not, for any money!" says jean
Paul Richter, shave any money II my youth"
That's the way we feel. We would much rather
have It now.-Dntbury Meas.
A compositoE, setting up report Of . horse
race, said the booksellers were bu y instead
Of the apool-sellers.". But 1t did not alter the
sense Of the paragraph much.
A Detroit florist Is getting up "a language Of
vegetables" Il you hit q man with 2 turnfp,
that means: II don't think much Of your 1elar
tives way back for seven generations"
A Western editor met well-cducated farmer
recently, and informed him that he would like
to have something from his pen. The farmer
sent him pig and charged him Sa75 for it,
4 father, bent on instructfng his 3year-old
son, said: tsH you had three apples and should
give me ono, how many would you have left!"
II wouldn't do It, pa" Was the prompt reply,
The disguised Britisher who concluded that
the American national tune was the spit-toon,
is revising Shakespeare for young Yankees. He
spitty tits, tis true"
McCrispin: 9Quite right to get a pair OF
shoes, Molly; your fut'l Look Elegant IN 1eath-
er.n Molly: ''But sure / can't pay for them
TIL Christmas" McC: (after a thoughtful
pausc): "Troth, and it is pity to hide such
A gentleman in this city has 2 pair Of ganta-
looms which were worn BY one Of his ancestors
hundred years ago. They are made OF home
spun cloth, except the seat, which Is Of thick
leather. It is inferred from this that the origt
nal owner was book agent.-Norroieh BuAestn.
Professor: "What, can't translate that pas-
sage7 You must be yery ignorant Of tue si 4,,
not as ignorant as you Che coughed, and, after q
pause, added) think am" Instructor: "Well,
loco means Il call it," Absent-ninded Senior;
Flush, ace up!"
ssNow," said the Professor, as he grew ami
mated in the discussion, all matter constantly
changes. have changed since taking my seat
here. Every single moment in my body are
tens Of Thousands Of blood-corpusc1es smashed
to pieces and forever destroyed" Senior IN the
back seat lin Toice exQresaiya OF deep Wondes):