The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-08-03
Wit and HumOr.

A POOR place for hungry pig-The
trough of the sea.
The tree that bears the most fruit for
market is the axle-tree.
WHEN is a scheme like third of a
yard? When it's a-foot
PAwNBRoKERs generally prefer GUS
toners without redeeming qualities.
A DEALER in water coolers, etc., adver-
tises "Iceware." Well, this weather is
enough to make any man swear.
IT was printer who perpetrated this
double barreled, eech-loading pun
conundrum: Why is an old mans farm
in Texas like the focus of sun-glass9
Because it's the place where the sons
raise meat.
ED like you to help me little, ="
said a tramp, poking his head into a
country store. ''Why don't you help
yourself" said the proprietor angrily.
"Thank you, will, % said the tramp, as
he picked up bottle of whisky and two
loaves of bread and disappeared.
AN Irishman went to the theater for
the first time. Just as the curtain de-
scended on the first act, an engine in the
basement exploded, and he was blown
through The roof, coming down in the
next street. After coming to his senses,
he asked, can what piece do yez play
MKT"
GIN going to die !" says the Widder Bean,
tim going to quit this airthly scene;
1t amt no place for me to stay
In such a world as tits to-day.
Such works and ways is too much for me;
Nobody can let nobody be.
The girls is dounced from top to toe,
An that's the hull o. what they know.
The men is mad on bonds an stocks.
Swearin' an shootin' an pickin' locks,
I'm real afraid I'll be hanged myself,
Eff L amt laid on my final SHELF"
HIS teeth began TO chatter over the
ice cream. He buttoned up his jacket
and swallowed another mouthful. That
settled it. He jumped up from the
table and started to where the sun could
shine on nina, exclaiming, B." Whoopee!
Plenty cold grub No cooke huff
Fleece Chinaman all same like ice
wagon"
The Paris Figaro is responsible for
this: ''It was bereaved nliser, who,
after composing long epitaph for his
wife, suppressed it altogether, and said:
tits too expensive; put on the grave
the artist; say three tears, like this-!!'
Heavens, no! Three tears when have
only two eyes? Absurd Two will be
plenty"
A BRIGHT little woman was expatiating
on the merits of her patent corsets to
Jury No. s of the Centennial Exposi-
tion. Madame" exclaimed Dietz-
mannae, a smart French juryman,
''what is the especial merit you claim
for this corset?" "The fit, Monsieur !"
sBut we cannot tell how it fits. What
proof have we of that?"' The little
woman fared right up. "Why," she
retorted, s'you don't mean to say you
want me to try them on?'' "Madame,"
said the iuryman, without q smile,
s',7aist6ce iY blind" #fa
The other day thunderstorm passed
around the city to the north, no rain
falling, although lightning could be
seen and thunder heard. A slim-waist-
ed man, sachel in one hand and pair
of boots in the other, had been strolling
around for half an hour, and he seemed
greatly perplexed over the wet streets.
He looked from street to sky and back,
grumbled to himself, and at the corner
of Woodward avenue and Congress
street came across street sprinkler.
He caught the idea in an instant, and
gesturing at the driver called out +:
I" You might as well put that old squirter
up, for know your trick. If you think
you can make me believe there's been a
shower here you're throwing stones at
the wrong dog !''-DetyoH Free Press.
Waste TnhAccn.