The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-02-25
WHAT THE UITS SAY.

James HamiH is dead. He was gentle
man and a sculler-Es. Such jokes ar
wherry bad. Give oar, give oar.-Norris
t0aon Herald. .s-.. -. .f
A man in indianapolis has invented a nev
kind of fine-tooth comb, and the citizen
say such thing meyer entered their head
before.-Norristoso Herald.
When you remember that fifty years ag'
you could buy four cigars for a cent, al
this enthusiasm about national progress
seems to be very grieyous error.-Nor
aosch Bulletin. sa
Didn't you ever see the end Of Henry
Smiths right thumb? Because if yor
didn't you never will, as Mr.. Smith very
foolishly attempted to interfere with buzz
saw, esterday.-Norscich Bulletin.
The man who wished to demonstrate the
continuity of natural phenomena by en-.
deavoring to show that monkeys always
curled their tails in the presence of rain
bow, has had his brain sand-papered.-
Brooklyn argus.
The newspaper correspondent who writes
on both sides of his paper will wish he had
needed our warning when he finds an in
dignant compositor in the next world turn
ing him over with retributive pitchfork.-
Easton Free Press.
A Williamsburg minister who had had
his lat stolen, gravely observed from the
pulpit last Sunday: "Bashfulness. dearly
beloved, doesn't break out in this commu.
nifty as often as the smallpox and measles. I"
-Brooklyn Argus.
"It is not our fault" says a Milwaukee
editor, "that we are red-headed and small,
and the next time that one of those over
grown rural roosters in ballroom reaches
down for our head and suggests that some
fellow has lost rosebud out of his button
hole there will be trouble.'
Governor Tilden is one of the best anna
teur chess players in the country. Two
years ago General Schenck was talking on
the subject with a party of gentlemen in
Kew Gardens, and remarked that if he
knew as much about poker as Tilden knew
about chess, he should have had mortgage
on Buckingham Palace long age.-Brook-
Ign Argus.
An exchange remarks that velvet coat,
light trousers and patent leather pumps
form the proper morning dress for gentle
men, but we observe that our leading citi-
zens come and take in the milk morniGgs
in the same old neglige of an army blanket,
and a pair of rubbers. 1t makes one heart
sick to think that people have no more de-
sire to keep with the fashion. n.-NorvicA
The best skater in London is an Ameri-
can the best skater in Paris is an Ameri-
can the best skater in Russia is an Ameri-
.-'e.e ~" "V@ss e., so" u"
gether useless to even himself, inquire al
most anywhere in America.-L0uisoils
Courser-JourasGl.
"Where is your home, my lad," asked
the proprietor of Danbury hotel of lit
tic boy who had strayed into his place, and
was interesting the guests by his delicate
appearance.
81 amt got home," said the little fell
low "we board.''
The landlord retired, humming q gnash-
ional air.-Dan5ury Nesos.
A fond father on North Hill sent his
young hopeful of four into an adjoining
room to get book. The boy came back
and said ii wasn't there. 'sYes it is, my
son." said the father Its on the stand. =
The boy went back and reported again, no
book there. The father got impatient and
sent another child for the book, and in the
meantime the mother brought the book
from different room, with the remark,
" Here's your book, pa. 1t was on the
mantel." The gentleman composed him
self to read, and about ten minutes after
ward discovered young hopeful still stand
ing by his chair and regarding him intent
ly. AS he raised his eyes the boy broke out
solemnly, Father, there's lie out some
where and didn't tell it," There wasn't
a dry eye in HE Observation-Disclosures
Uaaok-Eye.
He got home about quarter to 8 a. M,
tried to open the door-knob with the butt
end of a cigar, fell upstairs in compli-
Gated manner, jammed his hat against the
bedroom door, and sitting down helplessly
on the fl ,or, said in voice husky with emo.
ton: '.Wllash mar'r?' "Oh, Eber, u
said his wife solemnly, ''you have beer
there again? Where have you been ??
BE, er Soody and Mankey. revivalsh
Big time. Played er Prizzipal McCosh bill
liards-Old Hundred er no count, and VOL
all er collection money. Church bust King
turned nine times running. Season er re
freshing." ssAh, Eber," replied his pa
tiept wife, "you can not deceive me. Th'
evangelists whom you mention are nov
wrestling in Philadelphia "Thash SO
Thash SO " said the husband 81 will no
desheiye you, my dear. Been providing
for you and er children. Going to mak'
$4,000. Been looking for Bosh Tweed.
Then lie fell into sweet sleep Chicag
| Tribune.