The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

alady's hand now you kiss her lips-that is,
course, il you happen to be behind the woo
pile and nobody is looking, and you don't wal
to disappoint her. 1t may take 100 years to q
from her hand To her mouth but we never fe
that the time was misspent
It is said the San Francisco Society for the +:
termination Of Cinnamon contains large nun
Der OF members SO unfortunate as to be deprive
in youth Of instruction in reading and writin
but for lofty idea of the privileges Of a fir,
country they can't be beaten even by colles
professors.
the following statement:
One of our city farmers has three hens and ON
rooster, and singularly enough, gets four egg
per day. The rooster-a very ordinary looking
fowl-looks this inconsistent fact compIacentl
IN the face, but says nothing.
The other day, Black Hills stage driver un
dertook TO horsewhlp his passengers INTO get
ting out and pushing up hill, but the gold seek
ers empticd their revolyers into him few times
and held coroner's inquest, and found that III
died OF pneumopa.-CT omaha Bee
London has beefsteak club. Perhaps The
club is for pounding the beef
A Jerseyman married five wives, and they were
all Teu.Htaueu. he ~ W iSi"t'r. IH"
the first one clawed the spirit out Of him so com
pletely that he didn't care after that if he mar.
ried porcupne.
We seldom read an obituary notice withou.
the sad reflection, how little we knew OF the
real worth OF the deceased until after his death.
Thus we find in an exchange
Mr.. Drum, of Troy, lived and died without
knowing what curiosity he was; but the sur
geons found out by dissection that he had only
one kidney.
The proposed exchange of diamond pins be-
tween the st. Louis and Cincinnati hotel clerks,
that each group may make a grand showing at
tie relative convention times, is of, because, as
the st. Louis Republican says, neither party dares
TO incur the awful risk OF sending the diamond
pins across Indiana. Why not send them by
way of Chicago? The late city collector Won
Hollern would cheerfully take charge Of them.
New Mexico is to be admitted into the Union
under the name Ct "M0ntezuma." more APP
propriaie name, considering the prevailing weak
ness OF the inhabitants, would be "lhreecard.
monteZuma.' -Ch,cdg0 Times
young husbands are not apt to kiss them on the
sly. The Chinese problem is becoming more
and more abstruse.
He left wife and seven children These
sad words, in reference to the pastor of Pres
byterian church AT Ashland, Ky, are all the
more sad when it is added that he has not left
the world, however but has eloped with the
young daughter Of deacon Of his chuch.
Cross and sickly children can be made healthy
and strong by regulating their stomachs and
bowels with Castorla.-Qudck Ad.
We commend the above to the editor of the
Mendoza Bulletin. II Castoria won't do it, let
somebody try shot gun-on him.
The Children Of Israel, under Pharaoh, were
oppressed with Egyptian bondage Now it
seems they arc in position TO ask the Khedive
% per cent on Egyptian bonds. THUS the
whirligig Of time brings about its revenges."
The Hennipin Record makes the shocking
statement that there is lady acting the deyil"
in that Office, and that she does 1t well. Doubt
lees she devil is vastly more endurable about
printing Office than IN ones parloror kitchen
The officers OF Grace Church, Chicago, find
that they can repair the damage to their church
ediflce by an expenditure Of about $500, by not
rebuilding the spire. With the good Kentucky
Lord dislikes spire to his own house so greatly
ab to bang it down, why down let il remain.
Too much sweetness is what aticts Ellsworth, |
OF the Lacon Home Journal. A New York friend
sent him last week box containing l7j lbs. OF
maple sugar In "toting " it up stairs, near the |
top his foot slipped, and then there was race
to the bottom, Ellsworth getting there first, the
sweetness landing on top Of him. A lame foot
and warped spine are the sweet results. We have |
known a barrel Of cider to serve a fellow very
similar trick.
We commend the following TO neishbor Cul.
len, who is Just now signing for congressional
honors
Politics are fun Of tricks
OF politics beware;
a good stout spade meier yet betrayed II
The man who used it fair
Farmers in Southern Illinois complain Of
blackleg among their cattle. In Chicago they
complain Of blackleg among their aldermen. The
only sure remedy in both cases is to shoot 'em.
II may sound like paradox, yet the breaking
Of both wings OF an army is pretty sure way to
make it fly.
Man does not want to be an angel until he has
failed at everything else.
In some parts Of Africa there is a rite called
the brother rite" After 1t has been performnd.
Il one Of the members Is in trouble, each one of
the others says, II is myself that is IN trouble
and hastens TO his reief.-EI. Il
In all parts Of America there is sister rite
When one sister commits an indiscretion, all the
Others say, It is my business" ana they 90 for
her.
The Ne" Yo'k Sm can't believe it possible.
Mark
Jim"
Whaat-Jim.
Jim Blaine?
Got him.
Great CANT
ulgf,n