Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1876-05-11
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

"
pretty sure way to make it fly
Swinging is said by the doctors to be
. good exercise for the health, but many
poor wretch has come to his death by It.
London Punch:--tAt a party)-He-
"Shall we sit down?' She" / should
like to, but my dressmaker says must
not"
The time has passed when man can
make himself famous by self-sought mar
tyrdom 1t IS called TOM foolery" in
this realistic age.
"A " ar.heel" received a postal card
at the Concord IN. CO. postoffice, the other
day--the first one he ever saw-and vain
ly essaycdto open it.
Kentucky taxes three-year old dog
twice as much as one-year old dog. This
Is on the principle that the older the dog
the bigger his bark"
Said SAN a young lady. :, had my ears
bored for the benefit OF my eyes" Said
another ~ had mine bored for the
benefit of my husbands eyes" +
The Chicago Times wants to know If
"we fellows whose grandfathers fought
In the Revolution" are not going to have
our expenses paid to the Centennials
-Brading, In the Isle of Wight, Is a
remarkable locality. Ii has town hall
10xS, and levies taxes to pay the expense
of lighting the town with nine oil lamps.
When Wyoming woman is up
braided for selling her vote for stick OF
gum, she politely but firmly informs her
annoyer that she shall do just as she
chews.
Con v.o,, ca roa 1aarost o., ,a;a :,
Chicago man to his dying wife. "Tell
me, can you see mey, . No. she family
whispered, "but can smell your brcatt.''
~. Y. Herald
=" never complained of my condition
but once" said an old man, "when my
feet were bare and l had no money to buy
shoes; but met man without feet, and
became contented." !"
~ shall BET" and ~ might have
been" The former is the music of youth,
sweet as the music of silver bells; the lat
ter the plant of age, the dirge of hope,
the inscription for tomb. .~sr - ~
Gushing iiiot-How sublime this
rinking isl BY Jove, ! could rink, With
you as partner through life--could your
Young lady-Well, ! don't know; you
see il all depends on your rinkomel 3D.. .
-" No, indeed, " said Mrs Spilkns, when
Leander falsely accused her of wanting
back pew inchurch so as to see the spring
bonnets. mo, indeed, ! wouldn't ba
capable Of any such yermifuge as that
--Maly-"I say, Mrs. Mccarthy, this
'crc's a bad cabbage - pea" Shure now, and
Is 1t, honeyg Then pick another Bless
yer, young cabbages is like sweetheaits;
you must thry half adozen fore we get
good wan" .l#8 aaa... ..#tH.7..
"A crevasse at Devils Elbow, "on the
Mississippi, has shortened the distance be-
tween Memphis and Cairo eighteen miles,
One ofthe. islands twenty-five miles above
Memphis Is disappearing rapidly, and an
other Is being formed,
"A New Hampshire paper says that
the English sparrow which drives ont
native birds Is d good deal like the disiin-
guished foreign counts who are reported
at our summer watering places, and who
usually turn out to be Bavarian BARRIERS
Or something Of that sort.
lie entered car door When tho
brakeman came inside and took key out
of his pocket, unlocked the stove, put in
some wood and locked the door again, he
asked him what he locked the stove door
for. The brakeman shut his left eye, and
said he locked the door 81 the fire couldn't
go out. ... .t...
"A drunken passenger in n Boston
strcet-car pulled tho strap violently and
rang the bell at each end. " llere herel
what's tho matter will, ycr?" yelled the
conductor. "What are yer ringing tho
bell at both ends for2" " Because" re-
piled the passenger, with great contempt,
because (hic) | want both ends Of tho
(hic) car 10 stop"
AS amber attracts straw, so does
beauty attract admiration, which only
lasts while the warmth continues: but yir-
tue, wisdom, goodness and real worth,
like the lOadstone, never lose their power.
These are the true graces which are linked
and tied hand in hand, because IL Is by
their influence that the human hearts arc
30 firmly united 10 each other.
"A young woman, nineteen years old,
living near San Jose, Cal, correspondent
with young man attending the
University Of the Pacific. lie always adj
dressed her by an endcaring epithet One
lay he wrote letter that contained moth
ing Of the sort. Thereupon the young
woman, with pistol, blew her few brains
out. A narrow escape for theyoung man.
--"Ah! Mrs. Dashcr," said gushing
Mrs. Simplcton, during her morning cali;
how delightfully."- that bouquet of yiolcts
and roses perfumes your parlors." " Do
you really notice ii ~ replied the widow
with a smile Of ill.conccaled triumph.
"Why, they're only artificial, my dear
Mrs. Simpleton." That evening when
Simpleton came home he found his wife
confined 10 her bed with high fever, and
no supper ready.--N. Y. Commercial Al.
peyttser.
He il a nice little boy who lives in
Erie, Pa. They had performance in the
Opera House, and hc stationed himself at
the head Of the stairway, and said 80
swcctly and naturally, Tickets, please"
and they gave him the tickets, but soon
they came 10 big burly man ut door,
who wanted tickets, too, and wouldn't let
them in because they had none. And the
nice little boy went with his friends TO the
show, and they couldn't lind him there to
pay him for being doorkceper.
The magnet Of 30, 900 pound power In
Anconia, Conn, Is causing trouble. A
man can't stand within block of ii and
take out his Knife " cut his finger rails
without having IL snGtched out Of his
hands and drawn against the magnet with
a force which shiyers 1t to atoms. Peo-
pie coming home with purchases in the