Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-03-02
CLIPPINGS.

~ thcy are Dca0tlful, they will contribute
something towards monument for king
Canote. lie was the person who origi-
nally ordered the tide back.
"The way it is, said little Johnny, de.
scribing Z rattle at church fair, eyou see
somethin nice. and you give half dollar
FOR chance to win it, another fellow ii.
ways gets it, and they never offer you
Jour money back
When Missouri engineer ditched his
train he family asked: 'Did it kill any
one who parted his hair in the middle!"
They answered that three such were lying
dead. :'Then die happy" he sighed,
and was soon no moro.
4 married man uptown bought one Of
the leap.year nesk.ties, which upon pull.
ing a cord discloses the word mo- in
front. He pulled the cord the other day
when his wife asked him for money. Now
he is using some leap.year hair restorative
but has no faith in it.
The bridegroom was chilly little fel.
low, and As the church was quite cold, he
did nothing but shake ard quake during
the whole ceremony. 1t was, therefore,
that friend of the bride remarked to 4
after the marriage: ''Well,
I'm sure if I were Jane I'd just Is lief
have married bad case Of the Stain
Island ague.''
A Highland minister who found his con-
gregatioa going to sleep one Sunday be.
fore he had fairly commenced suddenly
stopped and exclaimed, Brethren it.
nae fair gle mon half chance. Wait
till l get alsng. and then If I'm nae worth
listening to, gang to sleep. but dinna, be-.
fore get began; gle mon chance.
A Brooklyn girl recently experienced
religion" under one Of Talmsge's ser.
mons, and the next day ordered . new silk
dress. hat, ETC., and then after putting
extra stufiing in her hustle, informed
her mother that she was prepared for her
religious duties, and never intended to
miss Sunday at church when the wealth.
or was fine.
"Benjamin," shouted Mrs. Toodles to
bns ~1S out the
when you come" ''Snuff Mrs. Toodles,
snuff!' he calculated, as he paused with
his hand on the latch; mo, no. Mrs. TODD.
les,the times are too hard to admit Of such
extravaganza; you must tickle your nose
with straw when you want to sneeze.' -
Little Willie having hunted in all the
corners for his shoes, at last appears to
give them up, and climbing on = chair,
bctakes himself to big look on tho side
table. Mother says to him: "What is
darling doing with the book!' 1T is the
dictionary; papa lookth in the dictionary
for things, and I'm looking in it to see il
can find my Shoes"
A Philadelphia milliner apprentice
went to visit her mother in the country
last Sunday, and when that worthy ma.
tron beheld her child she exclaimed !:
Isabel Marie Stephens, what on airth do
you mean coming out in broad daylight,
with your gown all kajummuxed up in a
heap behind ye, and all bound up that
way in front Of ye? And hain't ye got
no stockings all Of one color, that ye hat
to wear them zebra.colored things
Thought ye was goin' to be milliner.
Sh'd think I'd married barber, and was
playin up sign.board for him. Did I
ever think one Of my girls would come to
this!"
Scene in Green Bay, Wisconsin, police
court, Justice Westman presiding. Sew.
eral gamblers were under examination,
and one Of the witnesses was questioned
about what he knew Of gambling in the
saloons in town. Yes he had seen ganb.
ling going on in most of them. ''Well,
one, for instance e. II have seen men
gambling in tho Old York Saloon
"What were the stakes!" "They were
horse on one side and money on the
other" SWELL. which won - .:Judge
Wcstman won tho horse" Peremptory
command from the --'There, that
will do: this examination is reaching
into too wide range altogether
The fellow who can't read a mans
character by looking at his butes is no
fellow at ALL" soliliquized Big Jim.
"W hen You SEQ man stubbin' around
with dried mud on his toes, you can set
it down that he hasn't any get up and get
in him. If he lets tho mud come wav up
his heel, you bet he can't earn a dollar 4
day, for he's slow. II he's got dust on
his butcs, he's reckless and won't never
lay up anything; but if his butes catch
the rays Of the morning sun, and splinter
'em all to pieces in blaze Of glory, then
he's bound to have big house on the
avenue, and hull potato bin full OF
bonds shine 'em u.p!''
Mrs. G. NJ. Burnham, of Des Moines.
Iowa, furnishes . specimen of army red
tape that far exceeds in length and con.
volutions that which EMBODIED Patrick
Noonan's breeches. Her father Asa
Sprague, was soldier in the war Of 1912,
and at the capture Of Ogdcnsburg lost all
his clothing and personal effects Of consid.
cradle value, being 1T the time dangerous.
~ i'll with fever. He escaped by being
drawn by bis two sisters on han sled
to Hewvelton, seven miles. The extreme
exposure cost HIM three years Of severe
illness, from which he never fully re-
covered. His claim for his lost clothing
was allowed about l848 or l840, and took
its slow tortuous course in charge of s'the
Office until Dec. 1874, when he finally
received $50. This was about five
months before his death in June, 1875,
at the age Of 81 years. Next!
A fellow entered saloon downtown
yesterday and called for cigar, which
was furnished him by the man behind the
bar. The customer then asked him if hi
could change the cigar for = glass Of
whisky, and was again Accommodated. He
drank the whisky with the gusto of 4
saltwater sailor, gave back the cigar, and
started for the door. The bar-keepe,
called him back, and asked him to pay
for the whisky. The man said. "Didn't
give you the cigar for the whisky =
"Yes.' said the bar.keeper, "but now
want pay for the cigar II have moi
got the cigar: you have it; and canno,
pay for something I have not received -
and before the bar.keeper cleared up hi.
brain the man had cleared out.
The Bradford Argus says "A young
man Of this place who is particular about
his washing. the other d. wrote not.
to his washer.woman and one to his girl
and, by 4 strange fatality put the WRONG
address on each envelope and sent them
off. The washcrwoman was we'll pleased
on an invitation to take = ride the next
day, but when the young lady read: III
vn,, ,n,,So ~, svnxy shot h-co.,~ ~