The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-08-19
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

mile. we are left wholly without information 9
to the size OF the feet
The authorities took poor man from Happ
Hollow one day this week. and sent him out
the Door house. The parting between the poo
man and his eleven dogs, which he distribute
among his sympathizing relatives, was aiiectin
in the extreme. We believe the man had a FEY
children, too, but not enough to make fus
about.-Burl,nytoS Hapk-EW.
1t is now asserted that the angels of heave
are all men. We have to give up our seats here
and walk off into the mud, and submit 10 al
sorts of vanities; It looks reasonable that Their
should be change some day.-Cour'er journal
A man never really understands the doctrine
of total depravlty till he has worn pair
white pantaloons to picnic and sat down on
plate of custard pie.
Col. Forney wishes Republicans to remem
Der that President Grant is the firm friend
Gov. Hayes, as his successor" Meantime For
ney supports Hayes as the safest plan for re
tanning undsturbed those $4,000.
Brignoli is melliiuously footing in Boston. HI
weighs nearly three hundred pounds, and ou
OF his adipose yastness his voice issues like thu
note of some sweet minstrel inclosed in a beel
barrel and trying TO sing through the bung hole
Detroit Free Press
The republican press are making considerable
fuss about the Chicago Stats lettings support
in Cullom instead of Steward. Why shouldn't
the organ OF the ring support the head of the
the ring!
The Hennepin Record says white woman
married negro at Granville last week, and in.
nocently asks: What next? Perhaps II is not
our put in, but to the best Of our knowledge
and belief, II will be black.and.tan addition 10
the census.-Lseon Journal.
The Philadelphia Press wants to know why the
Fathers spelt British thus in the original
draft OF the Declaration of Independence. Per
haps two rs them' Or to sarcastically remind
them of other that might proftably be thrown
overheard!
II rhymes alone made poetry, Hayes " Wheel
er would have greatly the advantage for poetic
inspiration over Tilden & Hendricks. To either
Of the latter names it is next to impossible to
make a rhyme, while TO the others cotempo-
rary shows by little practice that nothing is
easier. For example:
Somebody says that the rhymes TO Hayes are
easy to raise whenever il pays to honor and
praise his name in such ways; but to find rhymes
TO Wheeler is a Irregular spuealer." An honest
plain dealer by way OF feeler says very good
peeler looks out for each stealer and every con-
ceaer: the Taper and heller the sailor and seal
er in fat-boat or keller, the spinner and reeler,
from the banks Of the Gla to the Monongahela,
all 20 in for Wheeler That settles It,
The new editor of the Sheridan Ners Letter is
q scorcher." His ideal Of journalism seems to
be a figure in the highway with big bull whip,
popping it to every fellow that comes along
with thin pants. YorkVale Ne'cs
simultaneously with the celebration Of Hayes
and Wheeler barbecues in central Kentucky,
the Cincinnati Enquirer notes that farmers in
that vicinity complain of the loss OF sheep,
The English committee on the revision of the
Old Testament are now investigating Ezekiel
Thus far nothing damaging to the character OF
old Ezeke has been brought to light-Chicdgo
Times.
The Rochester Democrat gives currency to the
incredible scandal that statistics show that
thus far In this Centennial year two boys have
been born to every girl" Is nobody's character
safe?
Mules and asses will be exhibited at the Cen.
tennial exposition from Sept. to IA. Then is
your time to go.
Can any honorable man cody asseverate that
the sun is 100000 Of miles away. We warmly
deny it.
Recumbont Bison Is the classic name Of the
military gentem who heads the Sioux rebel
lion.-EL No. The classic name is Sedantry
Gazette.
Nearly all the post-ofilces in Texas are in
charge Of females. 1t works so well that the
males now arrive and depart every hour in the
day.
A man who mildly referred to the weather in |
South Carolina as I'D hot" was hauled up |
for blasphemy by Columbia blgot The justice
decided that the otiense was far short Of the
dismissed him, and blasphemed the
DlgOt,-Ch. Times.
The useless waste OF money on weddings and
funerals calls for reform. Extravaganza makes
young men dread marriage and death.
4 Georgia man is suing another for pulling
his nose. rhe latter thought it looked ripe
enough TO pick.
The Norwich Bulletin says that Mr.. Talmage's
sermo ns, read in a loud voice in a potato field,
will drive away the bugs,
Mrs. Carr, Of Quebec, hanged herself with her
lalse mar. ne COrOUcT NeTulCI WAS lUul Tue
Carr was demolished by misplaced switch
a Burlington naturalist last Sunday, while in
vestigating the causes and effect OF the poison
Of a wasp stiRg, nobly determined TO make of
himself martyr TO science and accordingly
handed his thumb 10 an impatient insect he had
Gagged in bottle. The wasp entered into the
martyr business with a great deal OF spirit, and
backed up 10 the thumb with an abruptness
which took the scientist by surprise He was
so deeply absorbed in the study Of remedies,
that he forgot TO make any notes Of the other
points in connection with stings. but his wife
wrote paragraph in his note book, for the ben
eft Of science, TO the effect that the primary ef
feet Of a wasp sting is abrupt, blasphemOus aud
terrific profanity, followed by an intense desire,
fairly amounting 10 a mania, for ammonia, cam
phor and raw brandy.-Hd,ckeye
Tae Burlington Hduk-Eye is inclined TO har-
Dor the conviction that, No man can realize the
geological history Of creation, the slow, regular
Development and shaping Of things in the slow
unfolding centuries and ages, until he has watch
ed gang Of men working out their poll tax on
the Streets
There was no heavy betting on the base bah