Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-09-13
Humorous.

Jurors address to his honor who pre-
sided over the court.
GA PRUDENT MAN." says a witty
Frenchman, "is like pin; his head
prevents him from going too far" a.
DON'T attempt to punish all your
enemies at once. You can't do large
business with q small capital.
"A MEDAL has been struck at Bayreuth
in honor of Wagner-with his head on
one side. There is even crookedness
in medals. tt-
"ALL farmers leaving their meat
will be promptly attended to and
smoked" says a sign over Troy smoke
house. to-
A YOUNG poet of the realistic school
writes: "Tine marches on with the
slow, measured tread of a man working
by the day."
A COLoRED waiter advertising for a
situation, says he can fold napkins in
three hundred different ways in the
perfect image of every kind of bird"
A BRIDE at Mansfield, Ohio, took
poison to see if her husband would cry
and take or and show his devotion to
her. He coolly held her head while
the doctor worked the stomach pump.
A MESSENGER in the treasury depart
ment sent dollar to Chicago firm
who advertised a method of writing
without pen or ink. In few days the
answer came: "Write with a pencil"
4 GIRL in New York ate four pounds
of wedding cake in order that she
might dream of her future husband.
And now she says that money couldn't
hire her to marry the man whom she
saw in that dream. atF a Je
The latest recipe for true eloquence
was given by a minister at the Martha's
Vineyard camp meeting recently. Here
it is: Get yourself chuck full of the
subject, knock out the bung, and let
Nature caper."
HE was carving at dinner, and
thought he must talk to the asthetical
looking angel on his right. Glow do
you like Beethoven? said he at ven
ture. "Well cooked" said she, inter-
ested IN the business at hand. 5rT,t
The Norwich Bulletin says: "A good
deal of disappointm was felt recent
ly over report that q spotted adder
could be seen en- Shetucket street, as it
turned out to be nothing but bank
clerk with the measles" aigs .r T....
"SPEAKTNG Of shaving" said pretty
girl to an obdurate old bachelor, II
should think that a pair of handsome
eyes would be the best mirror to shave
by eyes, many q poor fellow has
been Shaved by them," the wretch re-
piled.
II DON'T see how you can have been
working all day like a horse,' exclaim-
ed the wife of a lawyer, her husband
having declared that he had been thus
working. "Well, my DEAR" he re-
piled, GIVE been drawing a conveyance
all day, anyhow"
ERsKINE, when, at the bar, once COM
planned to Jekyll that he had pain in
the bowels, for which he could get no
relief. "pD give you an infallible
specific" said Jekyll. sect made at
torney general, my friend, and then
you'll have no bowels at all.'
Z MRS. scRoGGNGs- Betsey, and
how be you this day? Mrs. Jones'
Bad, Martha-very bad; I'm a-goin',
Martha, a-goin' to the other lana. Mrs.
Scroggings-Well, Betsey, if it's true,
and yer must go, you'll see my Emery
up there; tell i'm [ keeps a mangle, an
t. childer is well, and. Mrs. Jones
(peevishly)-Nay, nay, Martha, yer
can't expect as [ can go a-wanderin'
ABBOTT the clouds a-lookin' for your En-.
cry WI my bad leg.-Fun.
CHOW do you like your new minister,
Madge?" asked one very stylishly
dressed Young lady of another, in q
Highland car, the other day. ooh, be
is just splendid" she replied with ami
nation. "You ought to see him,
Maud. He is SO handsome, and he
prays SO beautifully, and reads the
hymns in such a lovely way; and be-
sides, Maud, there was dreadful scan
dial about him in the place where he
preached before he came here.
A CARPENTER who was always prog
nosticating evil to himself was one day
upon the roof Of a fve-story building
upon which rain had fallen. The roof
being slippery, he lost his footing, and
as he was descending towards the caves
he exclaimed "Just as I told you p
however, an iron spout, he
kicked off his shoes and regained safe
place, when he thus delivered himself:
Il know'd it; there's pair of shoes
gone !"
AN enthusiastic correspondent of the
Chicago Tribune says Mr.. Joaquin Mil
lers conversation is 'sfull of a fiery
grace" and repeats choice morsel of
it. 81 q Conway said Mr.. Miller
" what fellow he is for story. He
told that story Of my going about in
In a red shirt and my trousers
tucked into my boots. You've all
heard it, | dare say. There wasn't the
slightest foundation for it. | never
had any such costume with me IN Eng
land. LEFT all that kind of thing at
the mines. | dined with Conway at
dinner party one day, and | asked HIM
where he got such story. he saio
that he picked it up somewhere, but if
/ would like to have him he'd retract
it. sOh, no. I told him, it wasn't
r - hoy r,A