The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-08-12
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Why are many people like eggs Because they
are too full OF themselves to hold anything else.
Milk four cents quart in Elmira. Water fall
has been there, my eOuntrymen!-BiRghdnatO
Republican.
The latest natural curiosity in London is a dog
which has a whistle growing at the end of his
tail. He calls himself when wanted.
In June it is too hot to work, but almost any
honest, earnest, devout American viii sit whole
afternoon in the sun to see baseball match.
The Boston Bulletin remarks: Z" They say that
Clara Louisa Kellogg has the prettiest hands on
the stage, but Sehenck says four aces are good
enosgh hand for him.
4 tribe of negroes have been discovered in
Central Africa who are white and have red noses.
The latter popularity gives rise to the belief that
they originally emigrated from Kentucky.
scene at the Centennial: Among the people
looking at this part of the Exhibition a tall,
slap-sfded, sad looking individual in very rusty
garments.
"You're Yankee, l., take it, said my COM
panion, an English gentleman The somber,
seedy mans eyes flashed:
"No! by - sir. I'm Tennesseean, sir.
Born and raised down thar, sir. / fought agin
you 'uns, sir, and would do it again. D'ruther
be in HI, sir, than be Yankee. Don't wish to
offend, but that's my humble private opinion
an individual It's all right though; come out
and let's liquor. am reconstructed now"
A young man who cut quite swell at Saratoga
waiting upon heiresses was well aware that it
was necessary to convince the young ladies that
be had wealth to obtain the favor of their parents.
So he deliberately prepared statement of his
income on one of the Internal Revenue Office
blanks, declaring that his income was S82, 900.
He swore to the return, and in due time it was
published in the city papers in the list OF thoee
who returned incomes above $25 600. The bait
took the girls locked upon him az fair prize,
their fathers and mothers concurred in this be-
lief, and the next Winter fashionable marriage
took place, in which the young confidence chap
was the bridegroom. He married q quarter of
. million, and is now living upon his wife's in
eorne. The discovery made row fora few weeks,
bat it was soon smoothed over.
The following are some of the infinite number
of Oriental proverbs:
1t is easy to mount q little donkey.
The nightingale was shut up in golden cage,
but she still cried, '' My home, my home
Two captains in one ship will surely sink
her.
The fox ends by getting into the furrier's shop.
Knife-wounds heal, but not those produced by
a word.
The heart is crystal place; once broken, it can
With patience. sour grapes become sweetmeats,
and mulberry leaves turn TO satin.
At sight of glow-worm, the timid cry
Sire"
a fy is nothing, but it tspoils the appetite.
The apple and the pomegranate trees disputed
which was fairer, when the thistle exclaimed,
'' Brethren, let us not quarrel
of course, any great slummux of man can push
a lawn-lnower up and down and around, and he
can nibble off the grass after fashion, but when
it comes down to artistic work pass the mower
over to young lady. At noon yesterday las
sic of lS put mower at work strip of grass
on Ledyard street, and before she was half through
over thirty men and boys were leaning against
the fence and applauding. The first few feet
were cut on bias, fringe. On the other side of
the walk she started out to tuck and ruf1e, but
finally cut most of the grass on the gore and fn-
ished up with deep founce along the street.
Over by the fence she hemmed up narrow strip,
bound it around with clean cut, and then per-
formed some of the incest pleating seen, eay-
ing enough tall grass along the fence board to
serve as IAN overskirt to the lawn. The boys
thought there ought to be more padding around
the horseblock, but she was busy falling over the
handle of the mower just then, and limped into
the house without taking any of their advice
Detroit Free Press.
good story, and a true one, is told anent our
venerable judicial mill, Judge Humphreys, and it
bears repetition. The other day, holding the
Circuit Court, old Pump grew weary OF the end
less tongues of attorneys, and calling to bailif,
said husklly, - 20 over 10 the Hole IN the haIl
and bring me drink of whiskey.''
The bailiff appeared shortly with an inch
and half of corniuice in glass, enough for any
Christian man, but not suficiency for an Ala
bama Judiciary system.
81 Go back" trebled the Judge, 80 go back and
tell Hagerty to send me n drink-a drink of
whisky. f k
The bailif disappeared again, and reappeared
a second time with tumbler brimming full.
'' All said the wearer of ermine, ''that now
is drink. But what" wiping his lips with the
cuff of his coat, 81 what did he say?''
/" Oh, be didn't say anything, your honor an
swered the bailif, blushing.
{" Oh. yes, he must have made some remark
now what did he say?''
/" Well, L don't like to tell you, sab, your
honor"
:" Go on and tell me exactly what he said,'
demanded old Pump.
sf Well, sab, your honor, he said, sent him
n drink Of whisky at first; didn't know that the
old fool wanted to take BATH -
8" Hem, hem, go on with the examination of
your witness, /" sighed the Judge to the attorney
fer the plaintiff, and the baili SUNK into the back
room aud butted his head against the wall till he
knocked a dollars worth Of plaster off.