The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1876-11-09
WIDOWERS SHOULD READ
THIS.
The Best Yet.

Mr. Robinson went out to tie cemetery
the day after the Interment of his wife
and had an interview with the Superin.
tendent
"What are your regulations in regard
to monuments in this cemetery 2 asked
Mr.. Robinson.
well, we hardly have any special
rules. We let people do pretty much
as they please.
"You wouldn't mako fuss )" sal dNr
Robinson, If q man should put some
thing. original and novel over ; grave,
now would you Something calculated
70 attract attention
MONO, guess not. What have you
in visw7"
well, you see, Harriet was an ur-
common patriotic woman; made socks
for the soldiers during the war, and was
all the time knitting fiddle PADDLE things
for sanitary fairs. and thought maybe
I'd get her up some kind Of a red, white
and blue monument, with brass eagle
on top and the American flag flying
from pole. Perhaps l might put Hail
Columbia in gilt letters on the stone on
one side and picture Of General Wash
ington holding the Declaration of indie
pendence in his hand on the other. How
does that strike you 2"
at would be unique, anyhow"
"But what | wanted to see you about
particularly [ wanted to see about the
size. Now, would you allow NE 20 make
the monument about fifty feet high, and
of some solid kind of stuff that'd spread
over 70 ground little piece p
ooh, yes l l s'poss so. 1t will be costly,
though"
lob. don't mind the cost. What 1
want is TO get weight in the material SOS
it'll set heavy on the ground al stay
there"
you must have thought great deal
of Mrs. Robinson to expend 50 mach
money on her"
"Wsll bstwixt you and me that isn't
exactly it. She was one of those re st
less, Uneasy omen that never'd stay
quiet when you wanted her TO, and 1t
occurred to me that maybe something
might happen to resuscitsts her, and to
tell you the honest truth my idea was to
run up some kind of a nonu ment thatd
bold her down psrmaueut-keep her
here, you understand. l don't want
herbuGtling about now that she s slowed
away as dead"
"You are prabably not aware that we
have introduced an alarm here which
connects the vaults with, the Office, go
that if a person returns TO life out of
trance we can at once 90 to the rescue
Mrs. Robinson, you knOw,.is in vault
temporarily.
You don't mean to say" exclaimed
Robinson, that she's got one of the
alarms anywhere near her
Certainly she has.
''See here, now, want to say some
thing to yOu IN private. The honest fact
is, l am about to marry the widow
Jones, and if l can make any little ar
rangement with you to snip of that wire
until Mrs Robinson is thoroughly dead
it'll be money in your pocket"
"Csn't do it, sir"
Because you see for yourself how
laundering embarrassing it's going to be
if the old lady comes to and begins to
stir around just after me and Mrs. Jones
were comfortably married. Now would
ut it2 Look at it in comman sense
light. So if you could mufle up that ma
chine somehow, or give me some kind OF
written guarantee that she won't res
urrect, it'll be regarded as a personal
favor. Do they ever come to
Zone cid lady revived week before
last, sir, after she had been in the vault
three days.
"Ny gracious, man, you take my breath
away Why, it's awful Upon the
whole, [ believe III run Mrs. Robinson
out and bury her IN the Methodist bury
ing ground. I'll send over a man for
her this afternoon, and put her in hole
forty feet deep. 1 never did ike these
cemeteries anyway, with their neW-fsn-
glsd notions. So you be ready to ship
her of when that fellow comes with the
wagon"
Nrs. Robinson is now entombed Sc
curely, and Mrs. Jones and Robinson
are one.