The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-12-08
NO. 30
MISCELLANEOUS.

ASS ~ =
as the drunken man said when he mistook
pigsty for his bedroom.
An exchange says we have elected the
best President since Washington. No
doubt of it, if we only knew who he was.
A boy in Evansville, Indiana, coughed
up gold dollar not long ago, and now the
people out there talk about their coughers
Of gold.
The Cincinnati doctors want people to
boil their sausages. We would do that
with ours, but we are afraid it would raise
too much bark.
A girl in New Hampshire has been con-
victed of trying to poison her father be-
cause the old man was not willing that
she should keep company with the fellow
she liked.
When Jones told his girl the other even
ing that he loved her as the horse does its
ambling colt, Araminta snickered right
out as she replied, Horses don't have
colts =
A gentleman was surprised few days
ago, as he was examining the paintings in
an art gallery, to hear woman standing
near him say TO her companion: "Well
now, I do wonder if all that is done by
hand
A society has been formed at Siberia
which compels all males to marry when
Of age, and makes the wife the head Of the
family, and the husband marked suborli-
nate. A good many families in this country
are run on the Siberian plan.
Ten dollars reward is offered by Mis-
sourian for the apprehension Of the parties
who placed barrel Of water against the
door Of bis house and rang the bell on
Holy Eve night. Of course he will find
the parties who did it.
1t is reported that cardinal red pants are
to be worn BY the ladies next year. DR..
Mary Walkers career is evidently drawing
to close. When those pants appear on
the streets, the old girl will have nothing
to live for.
A Boston woman made desperate at
tempt to vote on last election day. When
policeman ordered her away, she threw
handful Of snuff in his eyes, kicked over
] the ballot box, aud got away before the
astonished crowd could do anything to
| stop her fun.
A wealthy bachelor of New England,
processes to have received five hundred
Leap Year proposals, two hundred of which
were received during the month of Janu-
ary. That unfortunate man will never
live to see another Leap Year he will
be poisoned, as sure as fate.
A lady while passing down Broadway,
N. Y, the other day, felt something drop,
and looking down saw something white
lying upon the sidewalk. She blushed,
but did not stoop to pick up the article
she merely stepped to one side and passed
on. A gentleman who happened to notice
!. the performance, gathered up the muslin,
and taking a newspaper from his pocket
wrapped it into neat parcel, then catch
ing uI with the lady handed it to her with
out remark.
"Papa says if marry, ! can't have my
organ" wrote a young lady to her afianc
ed. Let him keep his old organ" re
} piled the latter Before the moons sill
very light has glistened upon the SHOWS o
another winter, the goddess Of love vii
send US a little organ Of our own-on.
whose tones shall be sweeter to us than {
ehorous of angels-and the corner drug
store will furnish the paragoric to keep j
in tune.
A story comes from Vermont Of bride
groom, aged Is, who fell dead at th'
church door while eseorting his bride,
beautiful girl Of sixteen, from the altar
The strangest part of the affair is, tha
when the old party's will was opened,
was found TO contain the following "If
am spared until the time appointed for tn
wedding, the lady herein mentioned as tn
:, heiress Of my entire fortune Will beeom
my wife, but hope that ! may not be pei
mitted to leave the church alive
; A Rhode Island boy, while flying hi