The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-03-25
BUDGET OF FUN.
Local Romance.

They sat alone in the gloaming-ot ker
osene lamp turned down TO the lowest notch
They were as economical OF those parlo
chairs as they were OF the OIL, and their two
hearts beat as one. Nobody knows how Ions
they sat thus, enthralled in loves young
! dream. History is silent on this point. A
last her sweet lips murmured, ave will live
' solely for each other, will we not" 1--WE
won't live for nothin' else, my Apollion,
said Spiker. DoAy blushed and said, 1--WE
will try to assist each other in every attcmp
at improvement and culture" SpIker plant
ed kiss on good ground and remarked en-
Enthusiastically, I'm in for 1t! never had nc
( schoolin' much, but III help you all can
! DJxy darling" She bit her lips and count
ed ten to herself, then she said, But would
you really want me to correct all your little
mistakes! Wouldn't 1t annoy you" you
} bet I'd like to have you. Didn't Andy
Johnson's wife help him to be a great man,
and don't mpny man DO the same for his
wifeg I'm a self-made man, and I'm willin'
to do ali can for you" Then would sug.
gest to you, my esteemed Spiker," said Doxy
quickly, that your grammar Is far from be
ing immaculate, and that "And that |
would suggest to you" broke in SpIker,
Whose mother had red halr) 'that no one
fellow can learn everything to once aud earn
ISiA a. tHC oonAc tiiIlc uUH you near K.
very true, Spiker," said Doxy "but you
want me to help you acquire the knowledge
without which you cannot appear well in So
ciety, and the first thing you ought to under
stand Is the proper use Of the English Ian
guage. You use singular nouns with plural
verbs, and vice versa, most recklessly."
Spiker had the sense to see that he did need
little more lingual facility to get along with
Doxy in an open field. He mcditated. "You
are right, Doxy. didn't ought to get so mad
Now as TO them nouns and verbs" (and he
gave her Judas-llke kiss) ~ want to ask
if it is proper to say eleven and five Is seven
teen or eleven and five are seventeen"
"'ralnt neither cried Spiker. "Why, you
brute! Am not teacher ia the Elm street
schoolg Didn't graduate at the Normal
SCHOOL," And she slid out of his lap and
stood up like statute Of Minerva in IA pin
back. You haln't SO smart as you think
you be-" sneered Spiker, rising to the full
hood. But my hair is not red nor is my
face freckled" "Your nose Is mighty peak,
ed, though your off eye squlnts" shouted
Spiker. you are miserable ignorant
grocer clerk" screamed she. 81 know bet.
tern to say eleven and five are seventeen, if
I haint school ma'am.' ~ say that's
right" "And l say 'taint!" Now, Mr..
Spiker, say to you once for all that it isl
IL say faint but strteen. You help me about
my grammar, and I'll help you about your
arithmetic Doxy's eyes opened irightfully
wide, and then she tainted dead away When
she rallied she was lying on the sofa, and
Spiker was raining kisses upon her and
curses upen himself He protested his sor-
row, his love- his despair, lncoherently, but
so fervently withal, that reconciliation tull
and gushing soon followed, We judge eve
rything is going on smoothly now, for Spiker
has Just assured our reporter that "Us two
is the happiest couple in the hull world