The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1876-12-26

Why is chicken like farmer? Be-
cause both delight in full crop.

Why is a chicken like farmer? Be.
cause both delight in full crop.
An area of three thousand square
miles was flooded by the recent cy.
clone in India.
Robert Ingersoll, the great cam
paign orator is expected TO enter the
lecture field the coming winter.
Michigan has 500 oranges, aud 33,-
1877 partrons-and more good looking
women than you can wink at in q
week.
In the Hayes-el dell old Sammy's
sleeping. Samuel lost and gone. And
yet he is not happy.
"Why," asks an English review, "is
the British lion 80 afraid of having his
toes tramped upon?" Because he once
had Unicorn on them.
The good boy who keeps right on
with his studies, and neither asks or
cares who is elected, will get something
nice in his Christmas stocking.
Hundreds of people expend more
money on the luxurious cigar than for
necessaries and literary food for the
mind, and yet complain of hard times.
II was Goethe who said that "even as
long habit may induce MS to glance at
a watch that has stopped, We may look
in fair lady's eye as though she loved
us still.
The Leavenworth Times sums up the
late breach Of promise suit, in two
head lines thus: can Injured Women
Sues her Deceiver for $50 000-And
she runs $40. $50 Behind the Ticket"
Ours is most eminently "bully"
country. First il was John Bull; next
il was taking the Mexican bull by the
horns; then came Bull Run; soon after
we became mixed up with Sitting Bull;
and now it is bull-dozing.
A little girl, years old created q
ripple by remarking to the teacher of
her Sunday school class: "Our dog is
dead. bet the angels was scared when
they saw him coming up the walk. He
is cross to strangers.
Look, love, he exclaimed, 'only s15
for n suit of clothesr is il a wedding
suit?' 'Oh, no he replied, 1T is only
business suit We'll, L mean business
she replied.
Whom a young farmers wife made
her first boys pants precisely the same
before as behind, the father exclaimed:
Goodness! he won't know whether he
is going to school or coming homel"
To think of it: Mrs. Secretary Fish
wears the same bonnet as last winteri
Yet poorer women than she have their
first and second best hat.
A general appeal has been made to
managers Of theaters and other places
of amusement throughout the country,
to give one or moro entertainments in
aid OF the sufferers from the recent
Brooklyn calamity.
Bork, late city treasurer OF Buffalo,
supposed to have been defaulter in q
large amount, has fixed matters so that
he Is about squire with the city. He
was not so bad as he was supposed to
be.
David Kalakaua of the Hawaiian is
lands sent over and got many Chinese
men and women, hoping to repopulate
his dominions, and the incomers suo-
ceed so well that he is afraid OF losing
his throne.
Smith T. VanBuren. only surviving
son OF ex-President VanBuren, died
yesterday, aged 60 years. He leaves q
wife and three children. The funeral
will take place Wednesday afternoon,
at Fishkill Landing.
What next? is the natural inquiry
Just about so often the country is STIR
red to its foundation in horror ut some
calamity. 1t seems to be the way of
the world, or rather, mans ways. They
should be mended.
The New York Post quietly remark
ed day or two ago that ''if the Demo-
Gratis in Congress go on as they have
begun, long before the time arrives for
counting the Electoral votes they will
reconcile the country to their loss OF
the Presidency"
A farmer reading a journal to his
wife in which was the sentence, "the
president was received with three
"huzzas," pronounced the last words
"huzzies. {" more shame for him." re-
piled the indignant and scandalized
lady.
A Springfield butcher was invited the
other night to attend a minstrel show
but positively declined, even when o
free ticket was offered him. When
pressed for reason he replied: 'If 1
should go 1 should see so many people
who owe me for meat that 1t would
spoil all my fun"
The Victory Webb types press man.
ufacturing company, of London, have
commenced a suit against ii. w.
Beecher and others, trustees Of the
Christian Union publishing company,
for $50, 900 loss and damage, caused by
the defendants ordering printing
press in 1872, caused various altera-
tons, which delayed it's delivery until
1875, and finally returned it as insult
able.
Yesterday evening as a couple OF Ia
dies were passing along the street, they
we're approached by dandified fellow
who blandly accosted them by saying:
"It's q pleasant evening. ladies'"
The ladies' did not reply, and the
gentleman, nothing daunted, kept pace
with them, and again yentured to say:
"Its a pleasant evening, ladies' to
take q walk"
"Do you really think so?" asked one
of the fair damsels.
"Why, of course do" said the fell
low, laughing his sweetest.
well, then, suppose you take one."
The ACCIDENT IN THE SAN FRAScrsoo