Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-04-14
FACT AND FANCY.

"You have lost your little Ratchet" is the
polite way Of telling man what ha is whom
he is one.
They say now ia London that the only
reason for the Princes visit to India was
that he felt H'indoo-ty bound to 60.
We respectfully nominate Maj Gen. Ben
jamin +. Butler for minister to England.
lie, at least, is pure aud unSpotte1, aud not
pirate.-BoSi0A Herald.
A mau may take cold bath aud exercise
with dumb-bells every morning, but he won't
''whoop-la" much around woman who parts
her hair on the side.
The Chicago Post notes the comical fact
that lawyer who was to have presided at a
temperance meeting was kept busy elsewhere
preparing his defence Of some whiskey deal
ers.
IN scratch ysur eyes out" Kissed an in
consed female passenger in horse car, who
imagined that the gentleman by her side
was going one eye on her. "Oh, scratch
away, madam !" he quietly responded, "it's
glass"
There's three.column article in the Cour.
It's curious how some people when they try
a thing for the first time forthwith fancy
that no one else ever tried it, remarks the
Cincinnati Times
DR.. Newman spoke, in recent sermon,
Of 1.-THE sad funeral procession" which fol.
lowed Abel to the grave. An irreverent
woman in the audience mud ged her companion
and whispered, "Not such large procession,
but very select. None but the first families"
A shower Of goose eggs at Niagara, Ont.,
during a storm last week is accounted for
on the hypothesis that flock Of wild geese,
going north, become bewilderel in the storm,
and were unable to reach their usual haunts
in time to deposit their eggs in tho orthordox
way.
A train was carrying a clergyman and
five or six young youths who kept scott &
at religion and telling disagreeable stories.
The good man endured it all, simply remark
ing as he got out ave shall meet again,
my children" "Why shall we meet again ~
said the leader of the band "B1cause am
a prison chaplain" was the reply.
Simpkins rang the servants bell violently
a few mornings since, and called Bridget to
explain why tho hot water for shaving had
not been brought early, as he had ordered.
"Shurc, sir didn't bring it up and have it
at the door last night, so that you could have
it in good time" Simpk,ns did not talk
back, but took a cold water shave that morn
ing.
Two sons of Erin shovolng sand on a no t
day, stopped to rest, and exchanged views
on the labor question pat, this is mighty
hard work we're at" at is, iudade, Jimmy
but what kind of work is il you'd like if We
could get it2" "Well," says the other,
leaning reaectively upon his shovel aud
wiping the perspiration with the back Of his
hand, "ior "a nice, aisy, clane business,
think | would like to be bishop
People who sit at their front windows an d
stare at their neighbor5 from morning til
night will, perhaps, not be deferred by the
fact that a South Brooklyn woman in thi,
line OF business had her nose frozen fast L
the window pane one day last week, and wa.
subsequently obliged to have the tip of il
amputated. Nevertheless, the affair cast tn,
radiance of profound joy over the entire
neighborhoOd.
lie was the proprietor Of rest auraut anC
a prominent member Of fashionable church
When the brethren passed round to collee
the subscriptions, he fumbled in his pocket
for his slip, drew out number of pap ers
and dropped one in the plate. The next day
he was astonishOd to receive it back aga in
aud much m)re astonished upon opening it
to perceive that he had contributed not OK
actly subscription, but paper bearing tn,
legend, Good for twelve drinks"
When Charles James Fox was pressed b,
an importunate creditor, he was very explicit
81 beg your pardon, Mr.. Fox" said the dun
but you know | have waited long while
Still do not want to make the time Of pay
ment inconvenient to you. only desir,
you will fix upon some certain day 10 III,
future when you will pay" THAT is very
kind Of YOU" responded Fox, "and l vii
Occede to your request with pleasure. Sup
pose we name the day of Judgment. Blu
stop, since that will be a very busy day, sup
pose VIC say the day after, "-Nep York San
| -
PoTAToEs FOR HoRsEs.-I came very nea
losing a very valuable horse from feeding
him dry hay and oats, with nothing loosen
ing. | have never believed in dosing
horaa with melicina hut aou,athin,, IL o,t,,