Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-04-29
Wseklg gatel1igenfm.

Wseklg gntel1igentm*
FACETIE
.I,m O,tie the slow, the beautiful slow,
setting less tyne than the rest. l know;
Setting it diriier-shoemaker stsaeI nile
But setting it steady and saving pie'
Crushing away,
Picking no much fewer type every day.
..Nfv SON. said a venerable phlloso-
pher. never waste your tlme-not a
moment of it always waste somebody's
else's."
T: After d play s young Frenchman said
to his fIiend, 81 could play the lover
better than that myself." She replied,
Then why in heavens name dontyeu!"
Bristow says the country is getting
short of currency, which is a point IN
which we resemble the country near
enough to be twins.-[Bridgeport Stan
Gard. ~ ~
aAiy boy; tell uswhat youknow about
rattan p, said the committeeman. lit
is sometimes called the 'Calamus Rat-
tang;a comes from Penang, Samarang,
and Padang. and is used by the master
in this school too ~dang-often.
Alttle bow in a Scotch school was ask
ed if he did not wish to be born again.
..Born again!.n said Tommy "No, l
Wadna." you wouldn't!" cried the
teacher, sadly: .why not p, i..For fear
= i -. ,.e;a ~ cold Tommy
A Young fellow once offered to kiss a
Quakeress. '.Frlend," sad she, inee
must not do it, .'Oh, by Jove! but l
MIST. said the youth. 'Well, friend,
as thee hast sworn, thee may do it; but
Nothing else in the world will bring
that same ghastly expression to q man s
face that fits over his ~countenance when
in the midst of a gay party he suddenly
remembers that he has LETT his handker-
chief at home on the bureau, and. will
have to 90 out and wipe his nose on the
side of the house.
She despised those greasy things the
old man left on the kitchen shelf, she
did, and with something like defiance
in her eye, she took down that nice little
box of pistol cartridges and threw it into
the stove. Potter says he didn't care SO
much about the funeral expenses, but
that Charter OAK stove was a new one,
The Utica Observer promulgates Sen
ator Hamlin's idea Of a proper schedule
of postal charges as follows: ale would
have a one-cent stamp for a circular, 8
two-cent stamp for a sealed lettair. a ten
cent stamp for a newspaper, and a grea'
big frank Tor the Senatair. HUMP! Ham
lin rip and tear! Go for the friendless
newspapair.
Two sons of Erin, shoveling sand or
ahot day, stopped to rest, and exchanged
views on the labor question. 'tPat, thu
is mighty hard work we're at" .lt is
indade, Jimmy; but what kind of wort
is it you'd like if you could get it?'
ssWell," said the other, leaning reflect
lively upon his shovel, and wiping tn.
perspiration with the back of his hand
for a nice, aisy, clane business, l thinl
l would like to be a bishop"
The other day a Detroiter who ha
agood record of army service took dow
his revolver to shoot a cat which had bee
hanging about the house. After looking
al him while he fired six shots, the ca
! walked away. While he WA loading u
for more destruction, the shooters SINAI
boy inquired, Father, did you ever XII
any one in the army ?" 81 suppose SC
my son." After a long pause the DO
continued, s.Then you mnst have &c
neal enough to hit 'em with an axe
didn't you?" 1t was then discovered
be about school time.
A Detroit lady was trading at a WooG
ward avenue dry goods store the ethe
day, when she ran short of money, an
asked the clerk to but the balance on tn
books. He cheerfully agreed, and sal
he would send the bill to her husband
YOU'D better send it to me-" said .sht
as she figured up the cost; GIVE got
peculiar husband. If that bill reads 81
for sugar., coffee and tea, he viii Civ
the money without a word If it read
for balance OIL dry goods, he'll see 20
in Texas before he pays it. Make it OIL
for groceries. 1t is my duty as a goo
wife to pander to his feelings."-D'
troit Free Press.
The most agreeable class of peopl
hereabouts are the female lobbyists,
whom there must be thirty or NOR,
Some want patents extended, others hay
war claims, and not a Few urge the eI
actment of private bills. A tew of thel
are handsome, others possess litera1
pr~etensions, and nearly all pay great r
gard to the conventionalities of societ
All have tact, some have practical con
mon sense, and those who belong to tn
class against which Sam Weller warne
his father to beware show an intima
acquaintance with the best way OF ma
aging the other sex. In no age
country, from the days of Louis XII
and the court of Spain, as described /
Gil Bias, has female influence bet
more potent than it is here just no1
Washington letter.
A couple from the country came to Il
city yesterday, procured a license al
were married in due form. They left
the afternoon train for home. They s
tracted the attention of every passsng
by their lavish display of affection. I
young man kept his arm tight arou
the BRIDES waist as if he was afraid s
would vanish before he knew it, and S
didn't seem to care if he Rugged b
right along for half a day. She was
terrible homely that everybody wonder
how he could love her, and by and
he seemed to think that an explanati
would be in order. He borrowed oh,
of tobacco of a man near the door, a
remarked I'm going to hug that g
all the way home, though 1 know S
isn't purity" 81 wouldn't" briefly
sponded the man. .And that's WHIT
you'd fool yourself, =" continued the you
man. when I'm hugging a hundl
acres of clean, nice land, with forty he
OF stock on it, / can make the homeli
girl In the world look like an ans
Augusta (Ga.) Sentinel.
They came u of Michigan aver
grocery, says M. Quad, he carrying
big jug, and as they reached the walk
said Ira az e
'Now, Dolly, you carry the jug a
give me that quarter of a pound Of tie
Cpd like to see myself" she repli
dolly, do you want to see your h
band Juggling an old brown jug throu
the crowded streets of the metropolis
do you want others to see him P"
'Come along with that jug she i'm
f;aptly oyo1.irood {.