The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1876-11-17
FACTS AND FANCIES.

n Wen, il always was and always will be.
n "ALAs, said J Jjhn Henry, in a moment
: Of extreme melancholy Zone more
l chance gone. Since the rise in kerosene
. she doesn't use any more TO light the
e fire with"
3 81 sUPPOsEour minister preaches well.
replied n Michigan lady, "but I'm 50
busy at the fashions that really never
bear anything he says
Sir" said a coachman, "my horses
know when ! swear" All, my friend" ="
: replied the passenger, who was urging
the cOachman never to swear, "and God
knows it too"
A THoUGHrFUL old lady mp town is
strongly opposed 10 the determination
OF the Indians. she says the sdv9ges de-
serve such fate, but she doesn't Sc how
we couldgat alons wishouttAeir summer.
| ACLEh.rof delight passes over the anxi-
Gus brow of the hou-ekeeFer ,ibcawintry
/ sunbeam falling aC,rs- q stOc.syard as
she sees the flies that have made lie a
burden to her, fattened hopelessly
against tie ceiling with chillblains.
SCENE in New Norl, police court
/ jude" prisoner, / find you guilty OF
/ intoEicagion in The public streets. The
! punishment Is ten dollars or ten days.
/ Which will You take ?' Prisoner
viii take ten dollars, your honor"
An editor is described as n man who
/ is liable to grammatical bluEders, typo
/ graphical errors, and lapse of memory,
/ and has twenty-five thousand people
watching him tripping-a man Of sorrow
and acquainted with grief, poorly paid
poorly estimated yet cnyied by some q
the great men he has made.-NeiC Or
leans Bulletin.
4 BANKER has some doubts as to the
genuineness OF the signature Of a promis-
sorry note that has come into his posses
sion, and sends his clerk TO the maker.
We have note for 10000 francs on
which is what purports TO be your sigma
ture. l. it vours ;" Is the note pro-
tested % "No, SIR" Then it is not
mine"
"JAKE," said the blusbing damsel to
. lover that her father had forbidden the
house, " don't care IL your feet are big,
! love you just as much.' d" Well, Sally,
| don't mind so much about the size Of
my own feet. but J wish vUuI dads were
q little smaller; I should feel more con-
fdent, you know, about staying.
\ MINISTER afflicted with rheumatism
mentioned his trouble TO Paddy en-
ployed on his premises: Och. sur"
replied Ireland, " an if you would carry
potator in yer pocket ycd get we'll"
4 day or two after the minister sat in the
elegant study of All uptown city church
chatting with the pastor a perfect gem
tleman, whose culture and good sense are
the pride OF his conference. The visitor
asked, "what can DO for my rheUma-
tism ?" The cultured pastor replied,
" easily cured, my dear brother. had
the rheumatism. A friend advised me 10
carry a potato in my pocket. II looked
a foolish thing to do, but tried 1t and
il cured me-"
A PRETTY widow, whose husband has
been dead for several years, received
beautiful bouquet the other day. The
man who sent It had been flying around
her with an earnestuc-s worthy OF dry
goods clerk, and it was with extra delight
he saw her pa Z his store that evening
with the bouquet offowers in hand.
"Am 80 pleased % see you with them"
said he, and thousand little cupids dim
pied in his smile.
: ''Yes." she replied, at was very kind
in you; / always knew you liked him
am taking them TO his grave"
A YOUNG Ohio man had a sweetheart
whose parents did not look with iavora-
bic eyes upon his suit. But the male
parent had the peCularity Of drink, and
this young man knew IT,. 50 one evening
not Tong ago ne provided himself with
bottle OF the beverage known undermany
names, but which is commonly called
whisky. and repaired to the family dwell
inc. lie sat down socially and produced
the bottle and he and the father engaged
in drinks and talk, which resulted in the
salc of the daughter TO the young man
for tie sum Ofhye cents. Then, lest the
parent should sober OFF and relent,
clergyman was called Immediately in and
.be twain were united. Probably the
sife viii find, as time slips by, that her
husband values her GO Just about the pur-
;hase money paid and viii treat her ac-
,0rdingly.
An illinois farmer says: Ny cattle
oIlow me until ] leave Che lot, and ON
he way mp to the harnyard IN the even.
ng, stop and cali for lock OF hay.
Brown says there Is nothing at all re-
about that. Tie went into
,arn-yard in the country one day last
week, where he had not the slightest &C
IuaiutauCe with tie cattle, and an old
iull not only followed him until he lett
he lot. but took the gate of the hinges.
,nd raced with him 20 the house in the
most familiar way possible Brown says
le has 10 doubt that the old fellow
gould have called for something il he
lad waited a little whilr, but he didn't
want the folks waiting for dinner, so he
luug ore tail Of his coat and piece o!
ls pants ON the bulls horns and went
ntO the house.
SCENE, barroom time midnight.
Wife: 81 wish that man would 90 home,
f he's got one TO 20 TO-" Landlord;
d Silence. he'H call forsomcthing directly:
le'staking the shinglcs off his own house,
md putting them on ours" By this
.ime James begun to come to his right
enscs, stretching himself sif he bad
iwoke, and said ~ believe III 60"
DON'T be in n hurry, James" said the
andlord. ''Oh, ycs, / must CO." said
James, as he started. After an absence
# some time the landlord met and &C
.osted him with Hello, jim, why amt
,ou been down TO see u.s." Why, /
.sd taken 80 many shingles off my own
iouse that it begun to leak, 50 thought
t time to stop the leak and 50 have
lone il, ," said James.