The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1876-04-27
That Internal Machine.
liza Crosse Sun.

About twenty years ago the papers
were full of an internal machine that had
been found, and which came near blow
ing up a family. We were living in
Whitewater at the time, and every body
was talking about the devilish contriv-
ance. One morning in the summer a lit
tie black walnut box was discovered un-
der the stairs east of Coles block. 1t was
about a foot square, and had a coffin
handle on top. The first man that mo-
ticed it was Uncle Wakely who lived
across the street. He had been reading
about the internal machine, and he went
into the store and told Mr.. Cole there
was a suspicious looking box under the
stairs. Mr.. Cole and his clerks looked at
it and shook their heads, and soon itwas
noised around the town that an internal
machine had been found, and hundreds
of people focked to see it, but all kept at
a safe distance. Finally Winchester
stepped out of the crowd and walked TO-
ward the box, as though he was going to
pick it up, and every man held his breath
expecting to see Winch blown into a
million pieces. But "Winch" did not
touch it. Then ]. L. Pratt went a little
nearer, and said he didn't believe there
was anything so very dangerous about it.
Then he turned pale and said he must go
up TO the shop. Prop" Cravath looked
owe Dick CQpner's head, and said if he
could get through the crowd he would
examine il. The crowd separated for
him to examine it, but he said he could
see well enough from where he stood
Some n told him to put his foot on it
He wore number eighteens, but he was
always particular about his feet
Finally Seth Billings, the Constable
came along, when he found it wasn't 8
fight, and they asked him to examine it
He said he would if he had time, but ht
had to go out on Hackett's Island to at
tach a yoke of steers. Then "Sep.'
Wintermute came over, and they held .
consultation as to. the safest way to fine
out what the COMPOUNDED thing was
Wintermute had a billy-goat that wa
everlastingly butting the boys in tn,
large of the back. He could never see
boy goingfrom him without bucking hin
one right On the patch of the pants. i
got SO that no boy ever thought of goin,
from the hotel to the mill. when the goa
was around, without walking backward
and watching the goat. 1t was finall.
decided to rig the box up with a pal
of pants and things, 80 that it would lool
like a boy down on his hands and knee
playing marbles, and let the goat see il
and he would take a run and jump an,
buck the box for all that was out. Wiz
termute said he would risk the goat
they would rick their Internal machine
So they got a pair of pants and fixed
up by the use of long sticks, so that
looked a good deallike Brewersyounges
boy, and they drove the goat around b
the stairs. The goat saw what he SUI
posed was a boy on his hands and knee
with the ham-sandwich of his pants i
the proper position, and the goat laughed
looked at it, backed up about ten fee
bleated a couple oftimes, and went for
at the rate of about forty miles an hou
The crowd surged back expecting a
earthquake. There was a crash, and tt
goat came out with a pair of boys pan
on one horn and an E fiat silver corn,
on the other. The box belonged to To
Williams, leader ofthe Whitewater Ban
and now of Severance & Williams Ban,
Milwaukee. He had left his box und,
the stairs while he went down to Il
mill, and when he saw the crowd al
came back and found his new silv'
cornet on that goats horn, and smasht
out of shape, his feelings can be imagine
We never saw a crowd SO abashed, al
now you can't find a man in Whitewat
that will admit that he was there at a
The boys bought Tom a new horn, Whit
he plays every Sunday now at Myrt
Reeds Church in Milwaukee.