Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-05-17
Personal and General.

Personal and General.
A DoWNEAsT Yankee has invented a
machine for grating peoples feelings.
A DRUMMER is the fastest man in the
world, because time beats all men, but
the drummer beats time.
A STATUE of the late Sir James Simp
son, the introducer of chloroform is to
be erected in Edinburg, Scotland
The "volante" that was made to Or
der in Havana twenty-five years ago for
Jenny Lind is now for sale in New York.
MIR. JOHN w. GARRETT, of Baltimore,
Md, has given $4,000 to the Peabody
Institute, in that city, to be used in pur-
chasing statuary and paintings for the
art gallery now building.
BROOKLYN, thanks to Mr.. Beecher,
did nobly for the Soldiers Home en-
terprise. A subscription of over $12,-
600 in thirty minutes is something to be
noted in these hard times.
JOAN BULL, make note of this.
Secretary Robson says he intends
hereafter to keep fifteen frst-class ships
and five iron clads constantly in readi-
ness for duty.
AN exchange says: awe are in re-
ceipt of two poems, one on the 'Throb-
bing Brain and the other on a Bleed
ing heart We will wait until we re-
ceive one on the Stomach-ache, and
publish all three together"
A NEW ENGLAND man writes: " In the
assessm ent roll of my district, on line
of road half mile in extent, there are
seven residents, nine dogs, and tax
payer. And with a full knowledge of
the dogs, [ believe they are better char
acters than their masters"
WHOSE portrait was dot?" asked a
Teuton of his friend, as they were co.
ing through a picture gallery. "That ?
Henry Clay" was the reply. "Hendry
Glay? ayes, to be sure; Henry Clay"
80, der great cigar man." said he, after
moments reflection.
ALVIN ADAMS, the great expressman,
Intends, according to the Richmond In
iqq1'rer, building winter residence near
Richmond, exchanging Virginia for
Florida for the cold season. He al
ready has magnificent houses al Long
Branch and near Boston.
Mr.. DIsRAELI intends moving a reso-
luton relating to the exclusion of
strangers faom the British House of
Commons on an early day after the
coming races. This will please the
Prince Of Wales, who came near being
ordered out of the House not long ago.
M. HALEY, a horny-handed shoe
maker, entered the canvass, and was
running very well, when some one dis
covered-or asserted, which about cleo
ton times is as effective he owned
a $40, 900 house, whereon the working
men threw him overheard
THE project of removing Cleopatra's
Needle to England has been revived
recently in that country The monu-
ment was presented to George ", by
the Pacha of Egypt, more than fifty
years ago, but every attempt to trans
port it has been abandoned.
The rapid and emphatic recital of
the following is said to be an infallble
cure for lisping: Hobbs meets Snobbs
and hobbs; Hobbs hobs to Snobb and
Nobbs; Hobbs nobs with Snobs and robs
Nobbss fobs. "This is" says hobbs,
" the worst of Hobbss jobs" and Snobbs
sobs.
A SLIGHT mistake at christening
Clergyman (who has forgotten the day
of the month )-"Let me see; this is
the ah-the 18th, believer Fond
mother mot catching the idea exactly,
but thinking Of her family Why,
bless your stars, no! This is only the
eleventh"
A REFRACTORY convict at Auburn
smashed up five sewing machines used
IN the manufa cturing Of uniforms in
the tailor shops. Making the excuse
of illness, he was enabled to get out of
line at the march to dinner, when he
took the opportunity to enter the shop,
and with a sledge hammer shattered
the machines into fragments.
In regard to the flight of bees, Muir
ray says: Two miles may be consider
ed as the radius or the circle of their
ordinary range, though circumstances
will occasionally drive them at least a
mile more. Judging from the sweep
that the bees take by the side of a rail
road train in motion, he should set
down their pace at about thirty miles an
hour"
A LADY, near. Whitehall, New York,
Delng en- dastsd5aIe, ran into a closet to
escape neighbor who walked into the
house unceremoniously. After the
neighbor was gone, the lady found to
her horror that the door of the closet
was fast, the spring lock having
snapped At evening her husband
found her on the floor of the closet in
sensible.
A CNcINNATIAN, WHO had purchased
an Oil painting at private sale, called
on an artist to consult him as how he
should hang it. The artist looked at it
long. and curiously, and then said: 81
wouldn't hang it, if l were you"
Wouldn't hang it Why not?" "Be-
cause the sentiment of The age is rather
against capital punishment. would
commute its sentence to solitary I'M
prlsonment for life /"
SAYS the Ellensville IN. ~ Journal:
"A farmer who lives on the bank of
Il MI