Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-12-22
Gleanings.
New Bedford Is said to have but one
whale lcft--a schoolmaster.

pencils covered with raIment"
you'll build the fires or III be a
widow" is the way the Fat Contributor 8
wife talks.
Our devil Gifted" the first stickful of
type he ever set, and ''lifted" it success
fully too-into the space" box.
The schoolmaster who sat down ON the
"business end" of a pin that had been
ingeniously fixed on his chair, rose like
a Phoenix
Some papers are always talking of
their independence and sneering at 'or-
gans" Isn't it better to be an organ than
a lyre?-Alta California
An old lady in Detroit, hearing that
American Girl was dead, remarked: "I've
allus said that this tight lacing would lay
'em out some day"
Marriage is promotion" says George
Eliot. In the eyes of such reasoner, a
man with his thisd wife would doubtless
pass for Brigadier General.
The lower house of the Vermont legis-
lature, by vote of III to 46, defeated
bill to accord to women the same rights
that are enjoyed by men.
New Orleans man announces in y
circular that having returned from =.
scientific tour through Europe, he is nov
better prepared than ever for cleaning
carpets"
Were the superfluities of nation val
ucd and made a perpetual tax for bencr-
olencc, there would be more almshouses
than poor schools than scholars, AMI
enough to spare for government besides
We shall never smile again until We
exchange photographs with the young
man that put shoemakers wax on the
benches of the front portico of this offc-
-Easton Free Press
Patrick, said ali old gentleman to hi,s,
servant, 'wc are all creatures of fate ="
"Well,if it wasn't for fate, how he diyiI
could we walk, sure:"- Cincinnati Satur
day Night
This is the way the newspapers talk IN
Louisiana: 'lf that convicted thief and
robber, jim Walker, wants any fuss wttl,
us he can have steel or buckshot in un-
limited quantities by poking his nose
around our corner"
y New York merchant has been detect
ed measuring thirtv-four inches TO tin.
yard. Two inches is nothing on :. towel.
but it tells heavily on q WOODEN shirt wien
the thermometer drops down.
\ lady put her watch under her pillow
the other night, but couldn't keep it there
because it disturbed her sleep. And thar,
all the time, Was her bed ticking right IN
derneath her, and she never thought Of
tLat at all
Il say, Sambo. where did YOU get .i..
shlrt studs?' In de shop, to be sure -
Yah, you just told me you hadn't no
money Oats right How did YOU
get 'em then?' "Weli, saw on a card
in de window, collar studs so we ut in
and collared EN-"
There is village in New Hamshirc
which has produced twenty-six editors.
and it was in alluson to this circunl
stance that pious old deacon there re.
marked Yes, there were twenty-siS
on EN-, but as they've all left town, I
reckon the Lord won't lay 1t up agin US"
\ white minister at colored wedding
said; "On such occasions as this it is
customary to kiss the BRIDE, but in this
case we will omit it )" To this uncler
cal remark the indignant bridegroom
very pertinently replied: "On such oc.
castons 1t is customary to give the min
lister ten dollars but in this ease we will
omi: it."
Postmaster Parke lately received n
letter addressed TO the handsomest girl in
Whitehall, 1t was whispered about one
evening when the next day his Office was
b'sleged by pretty girls. all inquiring for
the letter. He has since received letter
add ressed to the homeliest girl in White
hall, which has been sent to the dead let
ter Office
Apromising young shaver of five or,
six years was reading mis- lessons att
school one day in that deliberate manner
for which urchins of that age are some.
what remarkable AS he proceeded with
the task he came upon the passage.
Keep thy tongue from evil and thy hps
from guile" Master Hopeful drawled
out, "keep-tlly-tongue ue-from-ev;l-
and-thy-lips-from girls"
The lonkers Gazette wisely remarks:
When you see young man contemplat.
ing baby carriages with calm anda
thoughtful eye, you may reasonably in-1
fer that the matrimonial sky is bright, sc
rene, and little sonny" But You hadI
daughter" not to be sure of that.-Noy.|
rtstoscn Herald
The Shelbyville Republican saws thatI
the worst case of seltshness that it has
been permitted to present to the public
emanatcd from youth who complained
because his mother put bigger mustard
plaster on his younger brother than she
did on HIM, after they had been eating
melons and hard apples
At the fish market. The lady is ac1
companied by Il lovely little girl "Howa
much for that's" "Oh, what sweet lite
tie angel of a child. 1t is thirty sous
madam. All. the darling! Let me em}
brace it. The living image Of its mott.
er." Thirty sous? i will give Won
twenty Twenty. Get out. you liut
baboon."
Is this the doctors officee" INQUIRED.
man who popped his head inside the sane
tum door, No, sir, the next flight o.
stairs" well m too tired to 60 an,
further said he sadly; "but If YOU Sc
the doctor any time this morning I wisl
you would tell HIM that my step mo,he
is dying, and we'd like to have him cal
if he gets time"
In Southern Utah, from silver min,
OF considerable depth, petrlfied wood II
being taken, in which chloride of silye
Is contained, worth nearly 81 200 to thl
ton. The formation is sandstone, out O
which horn silver is taken The remark
able point in the foregoing is the evidencl
that the deposition of the silver was mad
subsequently to the inclosnre of the wood
in the sand that afteiward became tn
sandstone.
Washington telegram saws III.
"sutiar retiners continue in much troubl
about Secretary Bristow's order reducind
the drawback. But rs long as the Sec
retary doesn't issue an order reducing thu
"pull-back. the ladies will be able to %
along-whch they couldn't do if it wa
reduced any more than it is at present.
The other evening atraveler endeavor
ed to walk into the Washinfiton Hotel
temporarily closed for repairs, but wa
unable to effect an entrance s,r.