St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1876-06-09

believed 1t before, Notwithstanding my
friends kept me under watch So strict
but now | believe am crazy ; and with
that | fetched Il howl that You might
have heard two miles, and started ont
to kill somebody because you know.
knew it would come to that sooner or
later, and So | might as well begin.
read one of those paragraphs over again
so as to he certain, and then | burned
my house down and started | have
crippled several people. and have got
one fellow up Il tree where | can get
HIM if ! want him. thought | would
call i'll here as passed along, and make
the thing perfectly certain and nov it
is certain, and tell you it's lucky fol
that chap in the tree-l should have
killed him as sue as | went back.
Good-by, sir: good-bye: you have
taken Il great load of my mind. My
reason has stood the strain of one of
Your agricultural articles. and | know
that nothing can unseat it now. Good
10y, sir
felt Il little uncomfortable about the
cripplingS aud arson this person had
been entertaining himself with. for
could not help feeling remotely acceS-
S"ry to them. But these thoughts were
quickly banlshed. for the regular editor
walked III. | thought to myself now
if YOU had gone to Egypt, as recom-
mended you to do. | might have had Il
chance to get my hand in. but N"rl
wouldn't do it, and here YOU aIe.
sort of expected You.
The editor WAS looking sad. perplexel
aud detected.
He surveyed the wreck which the old
ri"ter and these tw" Young farmers had
made, and then said
This is IL sad business Il very sad
business. There is the mucila~e bottl,
broken, and six pancs of glass. and IL
>pltt"on and two candlc>tickS. But that
is not the worst. The reputation OF
the paper is injured permanently. |
fear. True. there never was such Il call
for the paper before. and it never sold
such a large edition ur SCARED to such
celebrity. but one does not want to Ice
famous for lunacy, and prosper upon
the intirmities of his mind Ny friend.
rs am an honest man. the street out
heIe Is full of people. and others are
r"oSting on the fence. waiting To get IL
glimpse of You. becaII>t. they think Won
are crazy. And we'll they might. after
reading Your editorials They are Il
disgrace t" journalism. Why. what put
it into .y"ur head that y"u could edit II
paper of this nature! lou do not seem
I" know the first rudinlents of agricul-
ture. l"n speak of Il furrow and Il
harrow as being the same thing: YOU
talk OF the moulting season for COWS ::
and Nou recommend the demonstration
of the p"Ir-cat on account of its play
tulness and its excellence a> Il rtttcr.
our remark that CLANS will lie uuirt if
music he played to them. WAS super
fnnus. Nothing di>turhs CLANS. CLANS
always lie quiet. CLAIMS care nothing
whatever about music. And heavens
aud earth, friend II you had made
the acquiring of ignorance the study of
Your life. you could not have graduated
with higher honor than you could to-
day. | never SAW anything like it.
Your observation of the horse chestnut
as an article of commerce steadily gain
ing IN favor. is simply calculated to
destroy this journal. | want You to
throw up y"ur situation and go want
no more holiday could not enjoy it
- iH' ~ VIII on III
my chair. | would always stand in
dread of what Nou would recommend
next. 1t makes me lose all patience
every time think of your discussing
oyster beds under the head of Land
>cape Gardening want You to 90.
Nothing on earth could induce me to
take another holiday. oh why didn't
You tell me you did not know ANYTHING
ahout agriculture -
"Icll Nou, You corII>talk, Nou cab
hage. Iou son of Il caultlswer, Its
the first time ever heard such an un-
feeling remark. tell you I've been in
the editorial business going on fourteen
Wears. and its the first time ever
heard of Il mans having to know any
thing in order to edit Il newspaper.
You turmip. Who write the dramatic
rlItlcI>nIS for the Srcond-ratc plaNeIS
W ny. parcel of promoted >hocmakeIs
and apprenticed apothccarirs. who
know Iu>t Us much about good PLAYING
as do about good farming. and no
moIe. Who review the books? People.
Who never wrote one. Who do up the
heavy leaders on finance Parties who
have the largest opportunities for know
ing n"thin" about it. VIII" criticiSc the
Indian campaigns Gentlemen who Ito
not know War-wh"op from wigwam.
and who never run Il foot race with n
t"mahawk. or plmckcd arrows ont of
several members of their families To
build the evening camp-tiIrs with
w no write the temperance appeals and
clamor about the flowing bowls Folks
VII" will never draw another sober
breath till they do it in the grave. Who
edit the agricultural papers, You YAM
Men, as general thing, who tail in the
poetry line, sensation drama line. city
EDITOR line. and finally fall back on
igrIculture as temporary rcpricve
from the pe"r house. You try to tell
me ANYTHING about the new Splprr huSi-
ness, Sir, have been taught it from
Alpha To Omaha. and tell Nou the less
IA man knows the bigger noise he makes
and the higher salary he commands.
Heaven knows, if had been ignorant.
instead of cultivated. and impuden in
stead of ditfident, could have made a
name for myself in this cold. selfish
world. ! take my leave. Sir. Since
nave been treated as Yea have treated
me-, | am perfectly willing to go. But
have done my duty. have fulfilled |
ny contract 50 far as | Was permitted
- do it. said | could make your
,aper interesting tn all CLASSES aud |
Iave. | said could run Nour circula-
ION up t" twenty thousand copies aud |
iad two weeks more I'd have done il
And Id have given YOU the best of
eIdels that an agricultural paper ever
lad not farmer III it, nor Il solitary
i L.
rec fIom peach vine to save his life.
on are the loser 10y this rupture, not
ne. pie plant. AdoIs." then left.
MARX TWAIN.