The weekly Oskaloosa herald. [volume] (Oskaloosa, Iowa) 1855-1885, 1876-08-31

INDIANAPOLIS, Aug. 10Th.
EDS. HERALD:-We see by your last issue,
that Customer alias Helper is still pumping
thunder through the HERALD press His last
was evidently, the result of a spasmodic effort
of mind in great agony. He did not throw up
three black crows but oh, dear! what a mass
of bile for little fellow. We admired the
style of his effusion immensely. 1t was re-
markablc for having neither beginning nor
middle, nor end, and yet it was grand, gloomy
and peculiar, and beautiful in spots dixie the
peddler's handkerchiefl So far as our gram
mar is concerned in any thing we have written
or may write, we don't hold ourselves RESPONSE
BILE for the compositOr's blunder. There was
no such words in our manuscript track or
'customed'. The expression more or less, gen.
orally more was direct quotation from one of
Helpers HERALD articles. His statement with
regard to the hills etc. surging through the
open windows is malicious Misrepresentation.
We consider a newspaper critic a weak person
in weak business, but as Helper has got into it,
we will try to Help-him out. In the first place
we cannot comprehend why any sane man
should think of voting for st. Louis nomination.
No intelligent person would suppose that the
nominees of the St. Louis convention, would be
the proper men to vote for in November next.
He claims that July 14th was three days later
than July 18th whereas, it was four days earlier
1t is no secret with his acquaintance that he
has been afflicted with lunacy for years, and we
think he has furnished incontrovertible evil
dence to the world. He says that zone would
not naturally suppose from her idiom that
surprise is not sudden perplexity.' Well no, we
should think not. When q naughty critic uses
superfluous 'nots' he makes a knotty job. Our
phraseology may have been an idiom, as he says,
but his criticism was sidIotic'. He INDUCES in
such elegant language as screams that was
tossed" His rhyme we think must have been
perfectly original, certainly the idea of Jail
ors detective" never, never occurred to any one
| else the orthography In particular: He says,
we might eoncluded might haye): Very likely
and success in the capacity of a critic and attor
| ney, are about ditto. We heartily indorse his
| coined" words as he styles them, ''pizzicatto'
| for instance. His criticisms and his grammar
remind US of an old nursery rhyme.
There was man In our town
Who was so wondrous wise,
1 He jumped into bramble bush
And scratched out both his eyes,"
| We suggest that the HERALD company send
out special reporter, to interview Helper and
| find out il possible. what he knows about gram
mar. 1t might be as valuable TO the world as
Horace G-s what know about farming.
/ We mistrust that he has studied Greens gram
mar diligently. He says we have not killed
him yet. VIC have no occasion to do that. Men
L
restrained by their friends. They quite fire.
quently commit suicide while performing the
/ 6nerous dulles of a critic. We don't think him
i likely TO die soon. however. Tradition says
that "a cat has nine lives, and probably pizzi-
/ cat-to. is entitled to full quota"
We think the appellation of Goose particular
/ ly applicable TO us. A goose is the very. per-
4 soniication OF happy contentment, and we are
| happy when We have the privilege of attending
| TO our own business and contcnted IL our
neighbors attend only TO theirs. We resemble
/ the goose In another respect. we are not
i apt TO run from our enemies. We think how
/ ever that gander, would have been more In
| consideration of our sex. But we insist that
we are not the gander who was caught with his
| goose, nor yet the one who demolished his w.u-
dow. Helper plunged, fioundered and gyrated
i around In his t.dry goose pond" with such fran
/ tic violence that his garTutous quacking, was
quite incomprehensibie. but By dInt of patience
/ and persey erance, we gained from him the
] astounding information. that he had sp0rted
| two geese IN 9 dry pond for fifteen years and
not being able TO furnish sufficient draft where
| with 20 deck their plumage. They had flown
| 20 Greener fields and tiowtng water. and that he
/ has since secured O goose. who furnished plum
/ age Tor herself and all her lawful progeny.
/ lis words seems 20 imply that he has some un-
lawful g0slings not yet provided for The
owner of the hat referred to can well afford 10
.'laugh at bis leisure" at any amount of spite
4 from such ssemail fry His pusiltanim0us
| iDuepdo withyregard TO the organ and triangle
was extremely unfortunate, inasmuch as Il be-
/ trayed bis natural disposition.
The knayes who cherish envy aud spite should