The New York herald., 1876-12-03
Lying to the Pole.

Professor Racoborski. Prussian Pole. has
discovered an art which, if his concep-
ton, as we find it in the Court Journal,
Is correct, will have great influence upon
mankind. He says that there are certain
electrical currents which run from Pole to
Pole and that if man would have that
nature restorer, sleep, come to him with
healthfulness, he must lie with his head,
not to the east or to the west, but to the
North Pole This idea is not new one, but
we are glad that the Polish professor would
have it SO. There has already been much
lying about the Pole, but to enjoy its in
huences in the temperate or tropical regions
seems to be great boon. The theory must
be true or the Polish professor would not
have discovered it, The conditions" as
DR.. Slade would say, would be all against
him. He verifies his theory by saying that
the Prince Of Wales would never have recov-
cred health if his bed had not been changed
in position SO that it's headboard was toward
the Pole. There are other facts which tend to
justify this new art of lying. 1t has been
noticed that democratic politicians who
sleep in cars going South are happier than
those who restlessly ride toward the West;
and there is evidence of republican who,
in the easiest sleeper" could not sleep
while going through Indiana. The cross
current was the cause of an unrest which
the republican madly ascribed to the small
occupants of his berth. Philosophers have
observed that where man s mind has all the
year been clear from sleeping in bed whose
head turned toward the North Pole he be-
came peevish and discontented when in
house-cleaning time his bed was turned east
and west, and he got out in the morning
crosswise into tub of whitewash. There
are, however, some early inconvenience
connected with this art of lying
which will in time become blessings.
running exactly toward any of the four
points the bed would naturally have to be
slowed round I; SO that if man went home
himself slowed in the morning the bed
might not reach him at the moment when
he made jump for it. No doubt, however,
this would be cured in time by the mathe-
maticians who are able to predict impossible
planets duu lIlpOSSlDle eIeCClOu TeCurnS
But nothing is impossible to man with
as the unknown quantity, as was proved
in that algebraical conundrum, S. T.. 1860. Y.
The Polish professor has arrived at his con-
clusion by the mere force of imagination.
This Pole does not mean to lie to us, though
he instructs us how to lie to. the Pole. He
is to be thanked. Here is a new incentive
for not sleeping crosswise in a north-and-
south bed. The American people, at least,
will learn to be straight A careful wife
will put her boozy husband to bed
with his head toward the north, and in the
morning the electrical current will have
made him as bright as lark. Prize fighters,
too, will see that they are knocked down in
scientific position, so that after the usual
thirty seconds Of rest they may rise re-
freshed The Indians have strange theories
about sleeping toward certain points of the
compass, and there are nations that plant
their dead with their soles and faces toward
the rising sun. Let all cradles and all beds
for the living be turned toward the Pole.
Then, as the electrical current soothes us into
healthful slumber, one may no longer have
ugly dreams and balky nightmares, but
truly rest under that linchpin Of the world
the Pole of the North-from which shall
wave the stars of the coldest blue with the
stripes Of the aurora borealis