Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-01-20
The Boss Sn0rer.

htAC, Ah'r Sooo-Aiatuheti, ana very enter
tanning man. The proprietor of the
lodging house was much pleased with
Billiard and laughed at his Jokes the first
evening Of his arrival at his place till
tears ran down his cheeks. The men who
were to be Billiards. room mates also
thought we'll Of him-that evening. The
next morning, however, they looked sad
and red-eyed. Then they went to the
landlord and told him that he must find
some other place for Mr.. Bullard, as he
was such terrible snorer they couldn't
stand him. The landlords rooms were
all occupied and he had no place for Bull
lard but just where he was. The COM
planning dodgers left and in two or three
days two other men were put into the va
cant bed. Billiard made short work of
them; one night let them out The land
lord sought an interview with Billiard and
demonstrated with him. BulIard stoutly
asserted that he did not snore-had never
been known to snOre. The landlord had
to give Bullard up as bad bargain and
turned his attention to looking up dodgers
with which to fill his vacant beds. He
found men to take the beds, but again
Bullard cleaned them out in single
Right. Growing desperate the landlord
again went to Billiard. He told him he
must either leave the house or pay rent for
all the beds III the roOm-tortV-fi dollars
per month. Bullard said bargain was a
bargain; he had paid fifteen dollars for
his bed and he intended keeping it till his
month was up, and he didn't propose to
pay tor beds he had no use for; he didn't
snOre, and the man who asserted to the
contrary was Z" liar and horse-thiefp'
The landlord felt very much depressed
after this last interview with Bullard, as
he saw he was determined not to be re-
moved from his quarters A morning or
two after, as Billiards. landlord was going
down town, he saw standing in his door
brother lodging house man.
THANK Heaven, he's gone!" said the
man as Billiards. landlord came up.
Thank Heaven, Pm rid of him at last!'
''Rid Of whom %
"Why, of the big fat man you see
yonder waddling down the street"
"What Of him."
Enough of him! He cleaned nearly
every man out of my house before he left.
They wouldn't stop in the same block
with that snoring, Falstaftian porpoise,
sirp'
Giles good one, is he?"
"A good one? He's a perfect terrOri
He's more different kinds of a snorer than
any man ever heard, and every time he
changes his key it is fer the worse While
| had him here crowds were gathering in
front Of the house nightly wondering what
was the matter within, and the police
came in one night thinking some one was
being murdered. My dog ran away, and
all the cats left the house, sirp'
"And the man you pointed out to me is
that snorer?''
Eyes, sir, he is, and may be burstn'
"Good- day, STRIP and Billiards. land
lord fastened down the street.
The next morning, with the first of day,
Billiard, putting and blowing, rushed into
the presence of his landlord.
"What are You trying to play on me? ~
cried he; never slept a wink all night.
Of all the Internal noises | ever heard
that man in my room got off the worst.
Is he going to stay here?'
"StaY? of course he is. Hain't he got
the bed for a month -
"Then [ leave" and Bullard was as
good as his word.
An hour afterward the man who had
ousted Billiard arose and waddled serene
ly into the presence of the landlord.
you've cleaned him out" said the
IduuIOIu. ou IdlStu uiu ut , Sout
for goodr' and the landlord gleetully
rubbed his hands. Now" continued
the landlord, "I'll give you a good,
square breakfast and then you can 60"
60" said the fat man, mot much
don't. Didn't you say last evening in the
presence of Billiard and half a dozen
others that I was to stay here a month ?''
But that you know was only to-"
81 know nothing of the kind and | shall
stay here! [ am human; | must have
some place in which to reposep'
The landlord is now trying to get some
man to set up some kind of machine in
his house that will GUST the boss snorer,
who now has the whole place to himself
except small room in a corner of the
IL tI,o l.r,dl I'D and hia