The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-05-18
ALI Ssrts of Paragraphs.

- The key to the penitentiary-whls-
key.
When asked to contribute for char
ity poor excuse is better than none.
The man who pays more for shop prent
than for advertising, don't know his busi-
ness.
= As general thing, the political out
look with candidates is to lookout for
themselves.
Don't tell an editor how to run a
newspaper. Let the poor fool find out
for himself
- We should not forget that life is a
flower which is no sooner fully blown
than it begins to wither.
"A lady thought it was the essence of
rose that made her hair white. Jerrold
suggested that it might have been the es-
sence Of thyme.
- Fringes for ladies' dresses are unu-
sually rich this year, and will be worn
very long-long enough to reach to
the bottom of mans pocket proba-
bly,.
Mamma, don't you want some nice
candy ?" said little child. "Yes, dear,
I should like some." "Then, if you'll
buy some, I'll give you half lisped the
polite girl.
A good book and a good woman are
excellent things for those who know Just
ly how to appreciate their value. There
are men, however, who judge of both by
the beauty of the covering.
The man who is curious to see how
the world could get along without him,
can find out by sticking cambria needle
into mill-pond, and then withdrawing
it and looking at the hole.
- About half q million pounds of old
bullets and pieces of battered lead have
been picked up off of the old battle
fields around Marietta, Ga, and brought
to that town, sold and shipped.
- As an evidence of hard times it may
be mentioned that young man in New
York State wrote to every bank in De-
troit offering to "be your kasheer for $50
per month and board;" and no bank
could give him place. m
Chow like its father it is !" said the
the nurse, on the occasion of the christ
ening of a baby whose father was more
than seventy years Of age, and who had
married young wife. every like" said
satirical lady; "bald, and not a tooth
in its head"
An illegitimate child is not a natural
inheritor of its fathers estate. 1t can
only inherit from the father by special
provision of his will. 1t is natural in
heritor of the mother, however, and can
only be dispossessed of her estate by her
own act or will.
- The first day Artemus Ward entered
Toledo, travelworn and scedy, he said to
an editor who was on the street: mister,
where could I get a square meal for
twenty-five cents?" He was told. 81
say, mister" said he, "where could get
the twenty-five cents"
- A merchant asked two friends to
keep store for him while he went off a
while. During his absence each sold
the other large lot of goods cheap for
credit. The merchant considered it a
Joke, but they claimed to be his agents,
and now the courts will have to decide
the matter.
2 - A young gentleman in New York
lately made an evening call upon young
lady, and got rather shabbily treated. 1t
was getting along toward nine o'clock,
when the young lady inquired the time
of the evening. Give minutes to nine,"
was the reply. "How long will it take
YOU to 20 home2" Give minutes, l
should Judge" "Then" said the young
lady, eff you start now you will get home
at Just nine o'clock"
. The seal of the Confederate States
is on exhibition at Jacksonville, Fla
It is inclosed in handsome case, and is
two and q half inches in diameter. In
the centre is fine representation of the
equestrian statue of Washington in the
Capitol grounds at Richmond. Sur
rounding this figure is wreath of the
agricultural productions of the South,
and encircling this, on the outer rim, the
words "The Confederate States of Ameri-
ca, 22nd February, 1862, Dec Vim
dice"
"A young man told us yesterday that
he had written to his cousin in Philadel-
phia that the family had agreed to accept
the invitation so often extended, and
would pay their long deferred visit this
summer, about the time of the Centen-
nial. The cousin replied: "There won't
be any Centennial this year, the exposi,.
tion having been postponed on account acc OF
the weather, the high-water, political de-
yelopments, etc. Have shut up the
house and gone 70 boarding; should be
happy to see You, and may spend all sum-
mer in Vicksburg."- Vicksburg Herald:
"A gentleman out of the kindness of
his heart asked dozen small boys to
take a walk in the field one pleasant
summer day. But when he was ready to
return home they began to get weary,
and he took the smallest boy on his back.
Then they all cried to be carried in the
same way. He then resorted to an inge-
nious experiment. "I'll get horses for
us ALL" and jumping into hedge,
cut small wands for ponies for the little
fellows, and great stake as charger for
himself, which put mettle into their lit
tie legs, and they all rode cheerily