Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-06-07
Funny Findings.

Sir, you have broken your prom
lse." "Oh, never mind. l can make
one just as good"
WHAT letter of the alphabet, if lost
would make you sick Of music? The
letter M.
PROBABLY the reason why so little
was written IN the dark ages was, that
the people could not see to write.
Why is selfish friend like the letter
y Because though he is the first in
pity, he is the last in help.
An old maid, speaking of marriage
says it is like any other disease-whiIe
there's life there'is hope.
The islands along the coast of Maine
are to be sold at public auction. Pur-
chasers will not be required to take
them away imm ediately.
You are nuisance; I'll commit
you," said an offended judge to a noisy
person in court. "You have no right
to commit nuisance" said the Offend
er.
"MY Lord" began pompous young
barrister, it is written in the book of
nature" On what page, sir, on what
pager interrupted the judge with pen
in hand.
/" HAVE said you are honest, John,
with clear conscience, but fear [
have stretched a point in saying you are
sober" "Shure, sir, if you have stretch
ed point that fur, can't you stretch it
little further and say that Pm fire.
quently sober?"
GRAY-EYED men make the best sports
men; amber-eyed men, the best mu-
sicians; hazel-eyed men, the sharpest
critics; blue-eyed men, the warmest
poets; red-haired people, the best bill
lard players; brown-haired people the
best cooks. A hair in restaurant hash
is always dark brown and eight inches
long.
A YOUNG lady, when invited to par
take of the pudding, replied: "No
many thanks, my dear madame, by no
manner of M leans. have a1ready in
du]ged the clamo rous calls of craving
appetite, until the manifest sense of an
internal fulness admonishes my stay;
my deficiency is entirely and satisfac-
torily satisfied"
A POOR Frenchman, whose wife
aroused him with cry: "Get up,
Baptiste, there is robber in the
house," answered sensibly: "Don't
modest him; let him explore the house,
awhile, and if he should find ANYTHING
of value, we will take it away from
him."
YEE's advertised for a girl, mum, I
sees in the paper" said a red-haired
Irish girl to the lady of house at
which she applied for place in the
kitchen. EYES," returned the lady,
" bat you are too late; have already
engaged one" "Oh, We have" rejoin-
ed the girl. We'll, mum, it doesn't
matter, for I'm going to the Centennial
anyway"
DURING q recent revival excitem ent
In the outskirts Of Colorado, request
was made for all those who desired the
prayers of the church to rise. A
shaggy old miner burning with the de-
sired to do his part, arose, and
putting his hand down in his buck
skin, meekly inquired, Chow much
will it be. boss ?"
Mr.. OFlynn, inherits tendency to
Hibernicism. He asked a conductor
the other day whether be had ever
made trips without any passengers.
The conductor replied that it some
times happened so: "Well, thin"
said Mr.. O'Flynn thoughtfully otis
strange; but in all the rides I've taken
[ never see the loike O. that"
At a Lady Washington Tea Party
given by the negroes of Columbus, Ca,
a few nights ago, General Washington
was dressed in jean pantaloons and a
gray sack coat, and wore a black
domino and white night zap. Mary,
Queen of Scots, appeared in pull-back
muslin frock, and King Henry, of
Navarro, carried blue cotton
umbrella. All the guests were black,
no mulattoes being allowed to partici-
pate.
A GENTLEMAN observed al urchin who
had a large slice of bread in his hand,
and who was crying very bitterly. "My
son." he exclaimed, "what are you
crying about?"
Mother won't boo-hoo-oo put any
butter on my -hoo-oo I"
"Oh is that al?" exclaimed the
gentleman, "Come, dry up your tears,
and be man."
It amt so much the butter" re-
torted the little urchin: cts the dis
position of the old woman"
'Where are the mammals, Hedward?'
asked the princess when the first well
come was over. ''They are hon ship
board my DEAR" replied the prince of
Wales. "Wel, Hedward, you can't
bring 'em ERE to the 'ouse," she con-
tinued, q hain't going to ave the back
yard turned into 10000 garden; and
then to think Of them blessed children
among pack of helephants, tigers,
leopards, bears, wolves, snakes, and I
don't know what all. No, Hedward I
won't ave it,"
SoME time back man of notorious
ly bad character residing in village
wished to emigrate. To obtain assist
ance from the Emigration Commission
ers one must have character, and the
man accordingly asked one from his
neighbors. Everybody was anxious
that he should go, and everybody.
thorofnro tortif1od RI his <-o.n..t