The Jasper weekly courier., 1876-05-05
The Neat Device OF an Ingenious Ia.
ther.

i lhccc SEVEN lONtil uhuBnltIs, only one
front gate, and that Is what makes him
pale. Last summer he spent s2l7 re-
pairing that front gate, putting in new
ones, and experimenting with various
kinds Of hinges, and after all that the
gate swung all through the winter on
leather strap and piece Of clothes
line, and there was peace in the house
hold and the man grew fat. But when
the April days were nigh, it soon be-
came apparent TO the man that his
troubles were at hand and anxiety soon
drove the roses from his damask cheeks
and robbed his ribs Of their substance.
He used TO climb over the back fence 10
avoid calling attention to the disreputa-
BILE looking old gate, but his self denial
was Of no avail. One evening his eldest
daughter, Sophronis, said:
"Ps, that horrid old gate is the most
disgusting thing on this street. IL you
can't afford to have it fixed, I'd take il
away and put up stile."
And pa only groaned. But an even
ing or SO later his youngest daughter,
EliIida, came in and said, with consid
cradle warmth:
"Pa ! wish you had that beastly
old gate tied to your neck, that's what
/ wish"
And she dissolved in tears and evap-
GRATED up stairs in a misty cloud while
her sisters followed slowly, casting re-
proachful looks at pa. And the next
evesing his third daughter, Azalea,
came bouncing into the room about
9 30 p. M, with her gloves in condi-
| ton 10 indicate that she had been pat
ting gravel, and said with some energy
that II pa had no feeling other people
had and she wished she was dead she
did and she hoped that the next time pa
went out of that hateful old gate he'd
fall clear from Arch Street to the bridge
so she did. And she broke down and
disappeared with a staccato accompani-
ment Of sobs and smiles. And the next
time pa went out Of that gate, he found
il PROSTATE between the two posts, and
saw that the fragile strands of the
clothes-line had parted, under some ex-
traordinary pressure, and that was what
allied Azalea's gloves. Pa saw there
was nothing for il but a new gate, and
he groaned aloud as he viewed the
dreary prospect Of furnishing gates to
support the manly forms of the best
young men Of Burlington for another
summer. He pondered, and pondered,
and pondered. He became the conf
dant of carpenters; he was often seen
guilty showing certain plans and draw
| jngs TO blacksmiths and cunning work
ers in iron and steel. And in due time
he had "A new gate up, massive gate,
with great posts, ornamented and sub
stantial, and the seven sisters were
! pleased They read in the little brass
plate that informed them that a patent
was applied for, the words, ''for $50
pounds, but they didn't know what ii
meant until last evening.
Last evening the weather, though
sufficiently cool to be bracing, admitted
a test Of the new gate. A murmur Of
voices arose from the vicinity IF that
popular lovers retreat, as Sophronia
swung idly TO and fro on its heavy
frame. Presently, a pale faced man,
who held his hand upon his breast 10
still his beating heart, as he crouched
in dark corner of the porch, heard
Rodolphus say
"But believe me, Sophronia, my own
heart idol, between the touches Of the
rude hand of tt
As he began the word he leaned for
ward and bent his weight upon the
gate, and with sharp click a little trap
door in the side Of the post flew open,
and gaunt, many -jointed arm Of steel,
with an iron knob as big as Virginia
gourd on the end of it, flew out, and,
with the rapidity Of lightning, hit Ro-
dolphus two resounding pelts between
the shoulders that sounded like bass
drum explosion.
"Oh-h-h, gosh," he roared, "I'm
stabbed, I'm stabbedlr and. without
waiting to pick up his hat, fled, shrek
ing, for the doctor, while Sophronia
rushed into the house crying, "Pa. pa!
pa Rodolphus is shot" and swooned.
The pale-faced man said nothing. bnt
shrunk still further back into the shad-
ow, and thrust his handkerchief into
his mouth To stifle a smile. Pretty soon
he knew the voice of his daughter
Azalia at the gate, saying goodnight.
But a rich, manly voice detained her.
and the measured swing of the gate was
again heard i'm the distance. Soon he
heard Lorenzo say, as he made ready
TO climb upon the gate;
But whatever of sorrow may await
our future, dear one, would it might
fall upon me"
And just as he lifted his last foot
from the ground, the trap opened and
the gaunt arm reached out and fell
upon kim with that big knob four times,
and every time it reached him, Lorenzo
1 shrieked:
Bleeding heart, oh, mercy, mercy,
Mr. Man! oh, murderl"
And as he ambled away in the star
light, wailing for arnica, Azalea fed
wildly to her home, shrieking, 'sOh, pa,
pa, pat Somebody is numbering Lor-
enzn.r And on the norch a nale-faced