The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1876-07-29
WIT AND WISDOM.

disconsolate widower had inscribed On
his wifes tombstone Tears cannot re-
store her therefore weep"
A stranger desirous ~ locating ~ San
Antonio, endeavored to purchase a resi-
dence from one Of our most leading citizens.
but thought the price too high. Too
high. yelled the owner ''too high. with
three saloons at regular intervals III the
road 70 church, peach orchard with A
fence easy TO get over close AZ hand. and
there hasn't been policeman seen IL the
nelghborhood for the last five years Why.
stranger. It don't look to me like You was
trying to become one " us
They were talking of death. when one
man asked ''What were his last wordsY-'
he didn't say anything. was the reply.
That's Just like him, said the first man
with an approving nod. There was no
gas about HIM tie was a business
"Nhaur's yer awksent munr bawIed n
brawny Scot T. Cockney who was mur-
dering the Scotch dialect in some public
readings The readers VII was better than
hls elocutlon. fer he Immediately reioined.
ny, yen ve got A, and the audience
roared
In replying to A toast 90 ms health ON a
recent occasion, Lord Shaftsbury told A
good story Of man who sand when his
lordshp Was presented with donkey bv
the coster mongers in Golden Lane
somehow q other, | shall never again see
donkey without thinking Of your lord
ship.
Help somebody worse oti than yourself.
and you will feel that you are better on
than you fancied
Scene Young ladies' boarding scbonl
Professor What can vou ten NJ Plutni'
Miss u. He was the son " Saturn. apd
when his father died Ne gave him he'll
a New Jersey editor lost his best goid
pen and holder few days ago Alter
making thorough search All over the ~
tice, and accusing dozen with the theft.
he happened " remember where he last
placed r., and bending down the top of his
ear, discovered 10 less than fourteen pen
holders q various styles which he had lost
during the past I've years. Noyjsfo,rl,
Herald
On the road to EPSON. Y noustacbed
youth, pa the top II drag, evidently am
bilious Of being mistaken for s1an officer W
thus saluted a fat coachman v ho was crave
ly driving his master and family ssHolloa.
you sir. where's your shirt collarl How
dare you come to the Derby without 4
shirt collar" "Ow the dooce could have
a shirt collar when your mother has MT
sent home my wsshing2"
Daring the great war with France many
foreign refugees landed at Yarmouth
Among them was the Marquis Spoleto.
This nobleman took up his abode at Cam
bridge, and earned his living by teaching
languages. Have you many pupils this
termt' said Macleane, afterwards Princi-
pal Of Brighton College. 'Vel. have
vone in Hebrew, was the reply. III had
no idea you knew Hebrew, observed
Macleane. "Nel, no-not exactly. n said
the Italian ''but then, you see, we do not
begin for vOne five week "
A little h-year-old fellow came up u liz
mother the other morning. and with great
earnestness said Mother, / saw some
thing run quickly across the kitchen-Hoor
this morning, and it hadn't any legs either.
what do you suppose itwasy" The moth
ers curiosity was excited AT the apparent
strangeness of the supposed animal. and
not knowing what else to saw said she
/ 6DN1SSA A. "as9 q oiAaht ~ a worm. or some
thing Of that sort-she didn't know what.
Having enjoyed bis mothers inability u
solve the problem for some time Ne said
1T was some wsteri
Two lrishmen, travelling, we're robbed
and tied ia 4 woods one In despair.
cried -'Och, ] am undone" said the
other Fax, then, ! wish you would
come and undo me-
Mary Questioning her little brother ON
the gender Of nouns Now, Tommy.
what is the feminine Of beau1" Tommy
why, arrow, ut course Mary feels all
Of a quiver.
friend who Is In the habit N break
fasting at a cotfee-house. has made the dis
covery that the old adage Of nothing like
Leather" il a great mistake He saws that
the steaks he gets every morning are very
much like i'll
Mother, have ! any children asked
an urchin Of eight summers. "Why no.
What has put that into your head r re-
turned the surprised parent Because
read to-day about children children. an
swered the acute juvenile
lawyer having found purse. and re-
turned lt to the owner. one oI the papers
says it may be honest and honorable. but
It - exceedingly unprofessional. The de-
linquent defends himself on the ground
that there was nothing IN it