, 1876-04-16
HUnlOR.


tho ons who presided At their last meeting.
HUDloR-
A basa~bawler: Carl Fotmea.
"Uncle Dixs Darling: Tho American FlaG
The Russian presa to tbs Car. auent Turkey
"Gobele her."
II Shelby II. should bo elected Governor O
Illinois, his friends mould sing, ''Hail Cullon
| boy"
The gentleman Of "lonS standing in the con-.
muuity" has finally concluded to ''s1t down OF
himsalf."
The Emprosz Of India nor signs tho auto
graph "Victoria in India ink, with De1hight
ful flourish
II native Of the Empire state fs New.
Yorker, then native OF Cork must neceas.rii,
be =. Corkar."
Why is three-card sharper OF the colored per-
suasion like country in Europs7 Because he,
Montenegro. -
According to cipher dispatch unesrthed in
Washington, secreta1y Robson is the aashor Of
'Mary's" little lamb.
4 great many people read tho pApers Wadnes-
day morning to see il there Was any moose about
the ballot-bo1 suffers
Now that Wagner has finished hia Cantann1A
March, why not challenge Weston for hundred
| mile spin for ''centnry" ~
Gov, Coke, Of Texas niu probably be ssnt to
the Senate from thst State. The Senate needs
salch men, for thore's no gas about Coke.
The young man who hAs been continually
tambling to himsek ;" the past winter has ef-
| fectod lucrative engagement with circus-
| In oIdon tirnea, when = criminal WAS tried in
England, he WAS never questioned as to his gull
| OF innocence He WAS tried first, and s1sd At
| terwards.
Piper, shs murderer Of little 1label Young, in
Boston, ia to bo hung in May next. Some Of
the citizens OF the Hub think Piper ''wlll not
! play before Moses.''
1t is said that Maggie Mitchell has bean Of
fered position in the Phi1sde1ph1a Eleven, bs-
cause sho is considered tho bast 'Cricket "
player in the country.
When hoodlum in Frisco told DR.. Mary
Walker to 'puli down her yest," she replied
that it was one Of her .yestsd rights" to wear
it under her chin. it she wanted to.
It ia said that q relative Of Winslows had ali
the money Of the forger concealed about her
when he Has arrested, and that that is the
soothing s>rup" the London lawyers ate now
draining.
FUN-dLRAN1NGs.
The warme5t kind OF hat2 Ono that's got
stove in.
II bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
is mole On tho face worth two in tho gronnd
Aunt Gn al.rm): "sursly you've eaten
enough, haven't you, Tommy" Tommy lin
doubt): "F-ff-feel me"
Publican: "Your dogs very fat. sir. Pray
at IL faoA hun rn oto 1 4ff
he has no regular meals but whenever L take d
glsss OF ale giro him biscuit, you know
II doesn't want no lawyer. Use g1lne to tell
de troof dis time" ia what regular customer at
the Recorders Court told His Honor when that
fuuctionary inquired il ha had legal asaiatance.-
San AntoDio Herald
The fog has its uses in Paris. Two servants
that .og mas! How 50 r. answered tho other.
- BecauHe." returned tho FIRST, ~ ali the time
spoke to my master. kept my hat on; and
when he anaWered me-, stuck out my tongue at
him."
Two Hibarnisns Uere passing q stable which
addressed the other thus - Pat what's the
reason they didn't put hin up there inssid OF q
rooster % AN sure" replied Pat that's
aiBy enough don't ye see 1t vould be incon-
vanienr to 60 forthe eggs r.
Do not imagine, when you see ono Of those
bToad-c1aateQ Statesmen 6es up IN DIS piacd on
the floor OF the House OF Representatives. that
your soul is about 10 be aroused by burnt Of
sonorous elol0euca. He carries his paper Of
chewing tobacco in hiacoattail pocket, and is too
fat to reach it without rising.-Brooklyn Argus
Class in Natural Philosophy. Subject "Den-
sity Of Bodies" Professor (who measures over
6 feat) TO { smaIL-sizsd atudent: IF wore in
the air and falling, aud you wore directly under
me and also falling: do you think, sir, you could
get out Of my Way ?" NO. il you we're coming
DOM horizontally, sir," Class laughs, Pro
fessor ditto.
" Providence is At war NTH hair-dye and sooner
or later Furnishes the man who uses it. J" Bill
jerking her shoulder from under her lovers
head and spiliing him ignomiuioualy On the
floor. 3" you can't make pilier OF ma no more
your hair smells like old iron films. ."-Brooklyn
argus.
A milkman vAs lately secking the aid Of tbs
police to trace the whereabouts of q family who
bad left TIE neighhorhood. owing him 18 still.
tings. "Wetl. I suppose there WAS 9 ahillings'
worth Of water in that milk account" remarked
tho Inspector. ''Thats where it gatls me-
that's where it hurta!" replied the dealer.
"They uere new CUSTOMERS, aod hadn't COM
.mepced to water their milk yet-PuncA.
Good people we're very much touched with the
conduct OF = small boy On shetucket street yes
terday. 4 large boy sttAckel him and cuffed his
eaza but the noble little fellow did not strike
back, or even swear at him. He bore II all
patiently till the big boy bad gone and q silvery-
given him quarter. Then be went around the
corner and licked his little brother It'll he couldn't
stand up without leaning against wAll.-1Yor-
.ulch Bnlleti,<1
The custom Of appointing young lawyers to
defend pauper criminals received backsst tbs
other day. Tho Judge had appointed two young
lawyers to defend an old sud experienced horfe-
thief. After inspecting his counsel for some
tlmo in SILENCE, tho prisouer ross in his place
and addressed tbs Bench: Air them to dafend
me7" Eyes, air," said His Honor. "Both Of
them Z" inquired the prisoner. Both Of them,"
responded the Judge. 'sThen I plead guilty."
snd tho pour tellaN-<ook his seat, and aignod
1hsayily.