Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1876-09-02

TWO WIRES.

uiuh {, Out ought 10. 1t hung dangling In
| the air.
The lady of the house said there would
be trouble some day. She always looks
upon the dark side of everything, instead
of at the cloud with the silver lining.
She says she never noticed any lining on
u cloud that wore well.
We ran that funnel with single wire
more than SIX months, and the day s busi-
ness that went through that funnel was
no small affair. Still the lady of the
house was not satisfied.
| ''Oney, whenever are you going to wire
up that funnel. 1t will be down on us
some day, you mark my word ?"
| marked her word, but forgot to fix the
funnel. And so matters went on: two
weeks, three weeks, six months. Still the
dangling wire was ''dead open"
The tunnel goes from the kitchen stove
through the sitting-room; thence by cir
cuitous route into the chimney.
We had tea-party one evening in the
sitting room. The recherches were there.
| don't know what recherche is. butthat's
what they were, for l heard the lady of
the house say SO when proposed inviting
my friend, Jimmie Donahue, the champion
clog dancer, and was refused. All day
ally increasing bluster, till, as we sat down
at the tea-table, the southern and western
horizon showed a portentious fringe of
black, unrollng cloud.
"Come, Oney." urged the lady of the
house, pointing to the inviting refresh
ment before US, "don't be stow in serving
we must get this in before it rains"
hat hot fnrf fl,n
gods Perhaps it is as well that the gods
had it, but will not anticipate.
Oh, that unusual butter! That infre-
quent bread Those unwonted sauces, un-
customary cakes, and those unfamiliar
crockery ware.
Nothing was wanting. Everything was
arranged with iaithfulness to detail, that
included even the napkin rings of neigh
Dor -. (Kind-hearted man, will not
speak his name. The rings did that with
oppressive distinctness.)
AS we seated ourselves, one of the re-
cherches remarked to me, as a sudden gust
of wind slammed all the doors:
That's stout gale. Oney. Going to
make havoc with your telegraph wires.
isn't it ?'
My thoughts were at once with the
wires. How would "No. 1O' bear the
strain? Wouldn't al west" go up up?
81 east' must be down by this time. etc.
But no good angel came to nudge the
memory and whisper, "How about the
funnel wires ?''
What disasterloving spirit is that which
wells our eyes just before we were carried
over the precipicc What limp of the
Perverse" is that what blurs the memory
at the very point where it ought to be
clearest ? In fact where it is fatal to be
otherwise.
Marvel of marvels. that at this very in
stant the lady OF the house was quite as
oblivious of a catastrophe as myself, and
still the fierce gale clamored and battled
for admission. Did it hunger for the good
things upon the festal board? All the
guests were now served, and that we
might be more secure from the ravages of
the gale as well as from the untoward
gaze of various street urchins without, the
lady ,ot the house had just blandly re-
quested me to ''pull down the blinds"
when, -ah
Language fails TO depict the scene,n so
the novelist would say, but can not truth
| fully assert that | was never Strengthened
for words that | could not tell what hap
pened. never had any difficulty in tell
ing anything, and l am sure Mrs. G. new
er had.
In plain, homespun Morse" then. the
"nor-by- y-nor-easter" made rush for that
| funnel, and stated his errand substantially
as follows, to wit: "Here's long special,
can't you give me another wire P''
| To which the funnel replied: This is
all the wire have. go ahead"
And that "nor-by -nor-easter" went
ahead. That funnel was salted and had
to break. Down it came ike ''section
of the day of Judgment" and down
through the chimney aperture came old
Boreus, accompanied by last years SCOT
and ashes, that swooped down like grim
death upon every square inch of that long
anticipated supper, and did most ever
lastingly pepper every eatable and uneat-
able thing upon that table, as well as my
self and all the other rechercheS.
The lady of the house gave me look
as well as she could through the smut
-one look of rage, scorn, triumph, and
despair, burst into tears, and left the
room. Time, two seconds. Then all the
other recherches gave me some more
looks, and got up and busted. Time, as
near as | could estimate, nine-twenty-
fifths (9-25ths) of second
looked over the "hill OF fare" and then
at my full suit of white, gotten up ex-
pressly for the occasion. and II wanted
to be buried beside my aunt"
Some days have elapsed since that
solemn and interesting occasion. but the
tea-party has not yet come off.
write this from behind barrel in the
attic. have grown to be very retiring
fellow of late. and take my meals behind
the wood pile. 1t is cooler out there, and
don't like to face Mrs. G. any more than
is necessary. think the sight of me ex-
cites and depresses her. The funnel is
mended. l shall nevermore take any
stock in the anticipation of glorious
time. As the Cremationists say. "The
path of glory leads out through the flue."
ID &. SHAW.