National Republican., 1876-12-30
SINFUL PICKINGS.

BartOns Centennial Experience-Fate of a
National Guest-The Man of Many Wants.
A Search for the Missing Link.
"Well, Senator, your look happy" said his
Honor yesterday morning, brushing the snow
from his "arctics,' addressing Barton, who with
a broad smile sat reading THE REPUBLICAN.
"Well, yes, Judge; I'm a readin' about the way
the doggondest lies hez heard on since was at
the Centennial
"What did you hear there?"
"Oh, lots o. things. Thar on Elm avenue seed
man who sed as how he could for ten cents sell
aman mashine as would take his pictur forty
times day, and with careful handling would
last till another Centennial rolled around agin,
and Jest went in and bought one."
"Wellr'
"It was a lookin'-gIass sure'n sugar Is two
his head
'You did ~
"You bet, p. d. O."
"What does that mean ?"
"Quick'rn creased lightnin'.''
'What did the man do?'
"Kicked me Gut.n
Just what he should have done. But sherry
about, Ni6bs."
"Well-e-e-e-r, now ledge, see here. In future
when you address me be kind enough to say your
royal y Nib6s:, I'm Wy very sensitive ! am"
the boys and let's get to work"
F. The boys were turned out, and after devotional
exercises. presided over by the marshal, Barton
Harbled-
Hold the cote, fur we is comm,
Mind us wat we say;
We hez got enough OF bummin',
So send US up, do, pray
The court smiled and said he would, and fixed
his eye on the first subject.
A NATIONAL GUEST.
who are you, where did you come from, what
is your business and what do you want ?" said the
Court, throwing his anger eye into the centre of
the mans paper shirt front.
"Yell, Shudge, vaid a couble of hours und I'll
explain. Ny name is Jake KlutI, q national
guest, from der Sondennial. I vas a holeist."
what's holeist ~
"Oh! button your lip over that, and answer my
question"
Now. look a-here, Mr.. Jake ThingumbOb, you
have said that twice before. If you do so again
M t,dn commit ond in you 9r confempt Now pay atten-
well, Shudge," said the unfortunate stranger,
rubbing his chin in bewildered manner, Hmy
name
"That'n do" Numbered the Court hammering
his desk with such force that he upset the ink
stand, spilling the contents all over Bartons
You must understand that this is a court that
don't stand nonsense, and whatever the charge is
against you dismiss, but for contempt you go
The frightened guest Of the station moved won-
deringly away muttering,
81 Eafe seed me lot of queer PEBBLES,
Vat dnks 1t is fun to bull-doze;
But meier seed yet in my travels apoud,
Such funny old conducts as dhose."
He was taken out and whitewashed.
WANTED JOE.
What do you want?" said the beak, glowering
at q blue-nosed man, whose hat brim was more
adapted for horse collar than q head gear.
81 wants Job where kin git square feed, a
good place to toast my shins and where kin git
something more thanthe blue yaulted heavIngs to
cover me when slumbers at night also want
to know who's elected and what Congress is q
gOin' to do about them Alabama claims and what
hez become of the two Charlles?"
ais that all?" asked the Judge as he noted down
the mans wants.
"Them's 'um."
well, the food, shelter, and warmth will give
you for thirty days down by the Branch, but OF
the political matters l have no information to
give. Ofthe two Charles, am unable to speak
as do not know who you mean"
"Oh, mean Charlie Moulton and @. Ross
''Ah! see. Well of the former the returning
boards report doubtful, and the latter was last
heard from in Colorado
Thank yer, Jedge," said the visitor who bowed
low and withdrew.
THE MISSING LINZ.
"What's the matter, Senator" asked his Honor
as Barton rushed forward and began to search
around excitedly. "What are you hunting for :'
The missin' link, Jedge.'
"The what?n
'EMissin' link
What missing link? Have you broken your
watch chain?"
"Oh! pshaw; no. I'm q huntin' fur jim Link
as was here Jest now, but is missin'. Hello, here
he is" were the old mans words as Link stepped
up and plead guilty to profanity. His case was
settled with 50 note, and the Court adjourned
for lunch.