South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-03-31


says there is. ga tide in the affairs Of |
men," but in the affairs Of women it is |
all tied-back. ,,u ..,, b,.s-i s.A
- Julius. s'pose dare are six chick.
era in de coop, and de man sells three
OBJ 'eih, how many IL left? .what time
0b day waa it?."'n That, time oh day?
Why, what has dat to do wild it?" ..Sar
tin, Niger, IL It war dark, dar wouldn't
be none iet--dat is. IL you happened to
come along dat way y Look We here.
nigga, jist stop dem personalities. i'll
you don't, I'll explore yer he'd wild
" Among the conditions Of sale by
an Irish auctioneer was the following
1.-THE highest bidder to be the purchas-
or, unless some gentleman bids more?"
IL V'A young lady being advised to
take exercise for her health. said she
would run the risk and jump at an offer.
49, -
The New York papers tell about
a...:drawback on. sugar That moth
ing. There has been fearful pull back
on lasses all summer.
tVAvery pretty Sunday school song
is the one entitled. "Put your armour
on, my boys There is. however. a
young lady in town who doesn't like to
hear it. She says it sounds like Put
your arm around me, boys" and it al.
ways makes her feel lonesome.
w"Marriage" said an unfortunate
husband lis the church-yard of love-
And you men," replied his wife, are
the grave diggers.'
1A party Of gentlemen having sat
down to dinner, one Of them, Col. Wad.
dell. was asked to say grace, and bow
ing his head. said, Lord make us hon
est and rich" An editor who was pre-.
sent promptly responded, "Amen. Give
the Colonel the former, and Thy hum.
BILE servant the latter. as Thou seest we
need, and do it quickly"
gET'John Henry" said his wife, with
strong severity. II saw you coming out
of n saloon this afternoon"
well, Madam" replied the obdurate
John, "you wouldn't have me stay there,
would you?'
It's curious incident Of matri.
mony, says the Cincinnati Times. that if
you tell your wife to get up and build
the fire, she exhibits her dutiful obedi.
enee by forthwith proceeding to fire up.
" blacksmith was once summoned
To county court rs a witness in a dis
pute between two of his work,nen. The
judge. after hearing the testimony, ask.
dshim why he did not advise them to
settle, as the costs had already amount
ed to three times the disputed sum-
He replied, Il told the fools to settle ::
for | said the clerk would take their
coats, the lawyers their shirts. and if
they got into your honor's court you'd
skin EN-"
U'"My dear Ellen" said Mr.. East
man to young lady whose smiles he
was seeking, 81 have long wished for
this sweet opportunity, but l hardly
dare trust myself now to speak the deep
emotions of my palpitating heart bur
declare to you, my dear Ellen, that /
love you most tenderly your smiles
would shed-would she'd "Neyer mind
the wood-shed," said Ellen, '.go on with
that pretty talk"
" little fellow being told by n
young man to get of his knee. that he
was too heavy to hold in that way, made
quite sensation among the persons
present by yelling back, TOO heavy.
hey! Sister Sal weighs n hundred pounds
/ he
knee for four hours last night"
s1 "A small Georgian was petitioning
for our daily bread previous to retir-
ing when he was interrupted by his
younger brother who whispered "Ask
Tor cake, Johnny, ask for cake"
SCENE Il A TRIAL JUSTICES Or.
FfcE AT MCCLELLANvILLE.- From the
Charleston Ne,es Mr. Grant ornin
Judge. | come.on circumstance |
want you to delucidatc.
Judge-Well. ont with IL.
ant--Well de whole circumstance
Oh de business am dis: You sec. judge
In siabery time, had tree wife on tree
plantation. Dey got long berry well
togedder, when dey was apart. and I
was we'll satisfaction, but since rebel
time desc devised statues" fotch mp
all desc durn nonsense laws bout man
and wife and find amt got no wife
tall. Use no lection TO dat but lis
here's whar de shoe pinch, jis here /
want your legal precision. De fac is.
Judge. l wants 10 jine de church. Dc
boss leader say ! can't come it. onless
l get legally marrid. Now. kin ],
'cordin to law. marry all tree or mus 7
married but one? IF You say bu. ore.
an l tempt it, my Spectacle inlgc.
you better b'leve dar will be dc berry