The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-02-10
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

- Every old maid can boast OF two
beaux, but they are elbows.
- The saying that "there is more
pleasure in giving than in receiving"
is supposed to apply chiefly to Sskicks,
medicine and advice"
Every man admits that sweet-tem-
pered woman is a fireside blessing, but
nearly every man looks for the blessing
at some other mans freside.
- Why is 1. man who makes additions
to false rumors like one who has conf
dence in all that is told him? Because
he relies on all that he hears.
- There is little town in New York
State where every man and woman has
been converted, and some of them are
paying back tea and coffee borrowed six
or seven years ago.
"A Washington correspondent oh.
serves that although wine is drunk at
dinner-tables, and forums of punch are
brewed when the nights are cold, the
sight of 9. drunken Congressman is never
witnessed nowadays.
$50 you wouldn't take me to be
twenty ?" said rich hsiress to an Irish
gentleman, while dancing the polka.
HWhat would you take me for, then ?"
"For better or worse" replied the son of
the Emerald Isle.
envy son." said a stern parent to a
seven year old hopeful, IT must discip-
line you. Your teacher says you are the
worst boy in school," swell, Papa" was
the reply, "only yesterday she said I was
just like my father"
A negro in South Carolina, who was
complaining of the hard times, declared
they were the hardest ever known.
"Why," said he, II works all day, and
steals all night, and yet Pm blest if kin
make ar honest living"
SOCRATES called beauty a short-lived
tyranny; Plato, a privilege Of nature
Theophrastus, silent cheat; Theocritus,
a delightful prejudice; and Aristotle af-
firmed that it was better than all the let
tiers of recommendation in the world.
- When a St. Louis gentleman meets
his neighbor in the morning he looks
surprised and asks, "Hain't you been in.
dictedY" The reply is, "No;. when did
you get outW Then they both laugh in
an imbecile way, as though they both
meant it for joke, and 60 and take a
drink Of the crooked"
- There are too many lazy, idle peo.
pie, both white and colored, about our
towns. If all the loafers would 60 to
work in. earnest there would be more
money and lighter hearts. This is a.
busy world, and those who refuse to do
their part Of the work must inevitably 60
under.
Never lose an opportunity of seeing
anything beautiful. Beauty is Gods
handwriting; a wayside sacrament. Vel.
come it in every face, every fair sky,
every fair flower, and thank him with
your eye. 1t is charming draught;
cup of bliss.
A young clergyman, whose reputa.
tion for veraclty was none OF the best
yentured to differ with an old doctor of
divinity az to the whipping of children.
"Why," said he, "the only time my faith.
er whipped me was for telling the truth"
"Well," retorted the doctor, "it cured you
of it, didn't it?"
Young man, go to India 1t is the
custom there for parents to pay men to
marry their daughters. In Calcutta, re-
Gently, rich Hindoo paid q man who
came from a family of considerable dis
tinctior the sum of 100000 to marry his
daughter. 1t is a stigma upon Hindoo
family if the daughters are not married
before arriving at the age of thirteen.
-""Will your Honor please charge tho
jury" asked an Arkansas lawyer at the
conclusion of q horse.thief trial. "L
will" replied his Honor, "the Court
charges each juryman one dollar for
drinks, aud six dollars extra for the one
who used the Courts hat for spittoon
during the first day of the session."
= He had hearty meal at restau-
rant, and, rising up, he said to the cash"
ier: "[ declare if havn't forgotten my
wallet" The cashier fired up and hurled
big words Mt him for full three minuteN
before pausing for breath. When a.
chance came the stranger continued :
"But I have fifty dollars here in my vest
pocket" The cashier couldn't smile to
save him.
- The boys of Winnemucca, Nevada,
had some fun with Snowman. They
formed line from the ticket Office ex.
tending around q near corner. Each
asked the price of admission, and, when
being told that it was fifty cents, shook
his head, said it was too dear, retired, and
fell in at the rear of the line. This was
kept up until the Snowman, astounded
by the unanimity and the seemingly
great number, reduced tho charge, and
then every boy cleared out.
At Saratoga, the other day, q bride. }.
groom stepped off the cars for a moment al
and the train went off with his ms orlae; Dnd
He followed by the next train down, aho 10
she on the other hand returned oy In the
next train up, and they passed eacn a, ON. .a
or on the road. This operation was re.
peated, each trip leaving them at alnefeI' me tal
ends of the route, until Peremptory, tel- H.
egram kept the bride stationary until hef
husband reached her,