The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-05-13
Selected.
VARIETY.


a Coop DEBr.-That which can't be paid
A Miss not to be wooed for her wealth-AIis
fortune.
The size of Mrs. Pendleton's shoes is what the
Chicago Times most sighs for.
General Prado has bad cold-a sort of Peru
Wan bark, as it were.
TOUGH MAS-The one who had no bones
broken after having been falling upon by twenty
large creditors.
I'm too poor to take paper" If you are,
you should be indicted for obtaining a family
under false pretenses.
country rhymer wishing to communicate
with distant friend, superscribed his letter as fol-
lows
augustus Jones' the well known scrub,
Is saving cord-wood Tor his grub,
In Kansas County, IdahO.
A ball struck a little boy in the eye last week
strange to say, the bawl Immediately came out
of his mouth.
80 They fired two shots at him. wrote an Irish
second was not FATAL
Absalom wore long hair and see what became
of him. He differed from Samson and some of
the latter-day preachers, however. There was
no woman in his case.
will make a man carry his head so straight as to
have ragged neck-bindng on his shirt collar,
with plenty of starch on it, well ironed in.
When Robert Schenck wishes to enjoin silence
he says a. Whist" and Immediately all the hands
in the room inyoluntarily go into the companys
coat-tail pockets. 1t is the force of cards and
habit.
A Wateryille girl worked the motto, 81 need
thee every hour and presented it to her chap.
He says he can't help it. 1t takes him two hours
to milk and feed the pigs, morning and night,
and business has got to be attended to.
HIS INsrRUcTIoNs.-A lawyer employed new
boy, the other day. and when the lad asked for in
structions, the lawyer replied: 50 Your insf e
tions are to be taken in general. Keep the -
clean, borrow coal whenever you can, and unL r
no circumstances must you ever lend my umbrella
to a lawyer
In street car yesterday man S breath smelled
30 strong of whisky that a gentleman moved
across the car to get out of the circle. Any
King wrong?' asked the drunkard, as he observed
the change. Nothing, except your breath
smells of whiskey enough to knock horse overi''
" Spect she does-she does was the candid re-
ply; '' but you don't specs poor man like me
can buy cologne and whisky too, do you
A LITTLE AHEAD OF NoAH.-A dispute once
arose between two Scotchmen, named Campbell /
and NJ Lean, upon the antigoo;tS of their families.
had any right to rank wit Yellow oeLeans in anti
guilty, who, he insisted. wER65Nt / existence as n !
clan since the begInnIngo world. Campbell /
had little more Biblical knowledge than his
tagonist, and asked him if the clan of the NJ Leans
was before the flood Flood what flood?'' .
asked M'Lean. ''T The flood, you know, that |
drowned all the world but Noah and his family
and his flock" said Campbell Pooh you
and your food said M'Lean; "my clan was
afore the food s' have not read in my Bible
aoiH half 6. Of NV OE he mi aF
MLean going into Noah s ark. .''-''Noah's arki''
retorted M'Lcan in contempt; " who ever heard
of a M'Lean that hadn't boat of his ain ?''
MARX TWAIN REFERENCES Mark Twain
made up his mind that he must marry, and that
no one else but that particular girl could be Mrs
Twain. He set about that cOurtship In his usual
soIw, deliberate, drawling fashion, because Mark
Twain, in the conception and execution OF every
piece of business; far above the mere liter
ary adventurer. He is ofinscrutable depth.
He goes for his game in the most extraordinary
fashion. He drops on it and makes his points
as he does his stories, in a manner and from di-
rection least expected by the locker Well,
there was a father-in-law to be well as
the girl, and the father-in-aw had to be carried
first, like the outer parallel in line of defense.
The father-in-law immersed in business.
He hadn { much time TO think OF family matters,
hut at last IL occurred to him that Mark had be-
come very frequent at the house and that his OBJ
iectiye point seemed to be the daughter. So he
called Mark aside day and said - Mr.. Twain,
YOU seem to be paying attentions TO my daughter,
Now, we all like you pretty we'll, you know, and
we are of course all acquainted with your reputa-
tion as a literary man. Still, in other respects
you stranger TO us, and some references as
to your character and standing are desirable
IS That's very reasonable said Mark. 50 That's
very natural and paternal. It's just what should
do were in your position. l guess L can give
YOU some names that will satisfy you. Now,
there's Mr.. Goodman of the Territorial Enter
prise And there's Mr.. Frederick McCrellish of
the Alta California. You write to them. |
guess they IL give good character. guess
they will lie for me. I've done the same for them
whenever requisition has been made upon me-.
But Mark married the girl, Notwithstanding
NelC Yorh Sun.