The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-03-11
BUDGET OF FUN.
Mr.. Lambs ConundrWni.

Mr.. Lambs ConundrUni.
That anecdote OF nine about Mr.. Sniiien
trying to tell funny story at the dlnnertaole
and breaking down In the middle OF IL, re-
calls little feat performed by feter Lahio
several years ago at an evening company
They were sitting around in u circle askihs
conundrums, and Peter had haZy recoliec'
ton of one which read in this way: "Why
is love like canal boat? Because u Is an
internal TRANSPORT" Soho concluded 10 olieF
it, and he did SO in the following shape;
"Can YOU tell me why love is like al inter
nal transport .,,.. aud
There was silence for few moments anu
rs nobody guessed it, Peter encouraged iu''
ther conjecture by saying: .., ,,,
Love; why is love like an internal ualis'
port? It's the best conundrush c'e' "e"'o'
Funny as thunder" -.
Then they all salu 'nc! "ou'' S''U "p' '"'
Peter said: =. ,,,.,
,ornaI TRANSPORT? You'll be astoniShcd
hat YOU didn't guess 1t. rs perfectly
splendid
They all gave it up again, then Potter eS'
claimed:
"Why, because IT'S a canal boat, Of course !!
Tiptop one, isn't t?' and Peter slapped his
knee and laughed. Everybody else was as
solemn as the grave, and Miss Mills SAID that
lOr nPE part SUc ulUI Sec II yCl
"Why, don't you SEE, love is an internal
transport isn't it? and so is canal, NO.,
by George, | haven't got it exactly right
Less see, now, how does that blamed thing
90: Why is canal boat like IN internal
no, no. Why is an internal canal boat Ike
a. Pshaw, how is il, anyhow? why IS
a-a-internal love love like ca--like u
transported canal boat-like-a-a-a-a-
Well, blame me if haven'ttorgotten exactly
how that cOnundrum is, but 1t works ID some
how about canal boat and love, and us the
best"
Here Mr. Muttcrwick asserted that lie
didn't believe there ever was such conuh'
drum; and thereupon Peter, with flashing
eyes, said to him: -
"On, there isn't, isn't there? 40 such
conundrum! There's more in that conuh-
drum than YOU We got IN that bald'heaueu co
coonut of YOURS, and morc'h you ever have,
unless somebody lifts up the lid OK II anu
dumps come new brains in it, you walleyed
0utcast, you"
Then Mr.. Lamb went home, and the com
pany proceeded 10 tackle the refreshments
Mar ddeler tn Nenc York WaHg
lie was an active stepping old fellow, with
dyed hair and tashy appearance, and when
The conductor offered to stop the car ana let
him off, he proudly cried out
Mont YOU do il--don't do 1t, young man.
I'm none of your banged up old stock that
can't get of q car when it's in motion
And springlng lightly from the car, he sat
Immediately down-sat down on the hard
pavement like pile driver on exhibition at
a county fair But he got right up again ana
while he shook his fist at the grlnnlng con
ductor in the distance, he hobbled slowly on,
TEuttering a prayer or something to himself.
Kate Field recalls fresh Incident OF Ar
iemus Wards visit 10 London. lie gave a
chldrens party, TO which one oil Johh
Brights SONS was invited, and from which
the youth returned aglow with delight "Oh,
papa" exclaimed the little Bright, when
asked by the great Bright whether he had en-
loyed himself, "indeed Ibid, and Mr, Browne
gave me such nice name for you, papa.
what was that" inquired the father. "Why,
he asked me how that gay and festive cuss,
the Governor, was" replied the child.
CASH AND CnEplT-We lately met IN old
negro trudglng along with Il heavy sack OF
bacon, that he had bought, swinging over his
shoulder. We noticed that he was miseraby
clad and we tclt sorry for him, for cold
wind was blowing. We demonstrated with
him. "Why do YOU spend money Tor meat?
You'd better buy II coat" The old man
stopped, looked us full in the face for few
moments and said, in the most solemn tone;
"Massa, when AK my back for credit it gibs
il; but when | speak to dis Qaying dis hand
on his stomach) it Calls for dc cash.
When walking with gentleman, lady
should take his right arm; butln crowded
thoroughfare you may with propriety seize
a.~lI Nn16 M
whichever is most convenient for holding on.
AN INprsPuTABLE FACT--lndisputable, be-
cause the oldest inhab. says il, namely: that
snakes have crawled and frogs warbled sweet
anthems Of Contentment every month OF the
present winter. And yet people will com
PLAIN about there being no attractions in this
country.
The second night after her first husband
died she sat ~ the open chamber five hours,
waiting for the cats to begin lighting IN the
backward. Said she: This thing of going
10 sleep without quarrel of some kind is so
new that | can't stand it! Let me alone till
they begin, then can dose Of gently
Virginia City, New, has been sufficiently
rebuilt 10 boast thirty-cight gambling bells,
and il ought TO be time 10 do something IN
behalf Of a school.
1t is bad sign TO see a man who has been
married but twelve months gloomily pacing
his chamber, with his hands nervously thrus;
into his coat-tail pockets, AMI muttering To
himself "The world is too much governed.
A Pennsylvania girl, wOrth S200,O0O says
leap year be hanged. IL any man wants her
and her money he's got TO come counting
around and hang over the gate and sing
something soft under her window.
The longest night in Norway lasts lhrce
months, and when young man goes 10 see