The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1876-05-24


who said, that whrH he was first mar.
red, he loved his wife wei enough to
eat her up, and afterwards wished to
God he had
After ne exercises, which were as
touching is Tice', weather prognos. ca,
tions, o. Proctor Unseen Universe,
we went to a
CHILDREN's PARTY.
Into the midst of which, had we been
conducted blindfolded, we would doubt.
less have ripped the lining out of the
thlrd commandment, IN support of our
opinion that we were in the presence
Of intellectual NOV AID women, so
'horougi " mOder vas their lanp re
and Opinions.
The music, performed upon the pi-
ano, by misses, who, in our day, would
have been
SPANKED
And put to bed, had they even suggested
such thing as sitting up so late, was
in all respects, in accordance with the
other proceeding.
Unfortunately, your reporter is not
a "musicist." He never tried to sing
even, but once, in the presence of COM
pany, and upon that occasion, the wO-
men mounted chairs and gathered
their skirts close about their feet, and
and the men forthwith began to poke
under the tables and things with sticks,
under the impression that there was a
strange cat in the room. He dares
not attempt it now in the presence of
HITCHED HORSES
For they invariably break loose, and
"fade away like the stars of the morn
ing" and the cattle of the field lay
their festive tails along their vertebras,
and disappear over the neighboring
hillOcks. But we were informed by
one said to be du fat (whatever that
Isl i'll such matters, that the music
was excellent, embracing selections
rom ShOubert, MendelschOnn, Mozart
and Won Bulow.
a series OF gyratiOns were executed,
which, We were informed, was the
centennial dance; it is, no doubt, high
ly enjOyable-to an india rubber man.
Numerous infants, ranging in ages
from 4 to II years, prOmenaded, con-
versed and
FLIRTED,
Initiating to the life, children of a
larger growth.
We were greeted not with the usual
stare of childish curiosity, but the
cool, critical glance of men and women
Of the world, and u man (?) of eight
summers asked of an acquaintance,
"Who is that little bald-headed, cuss?"
Perceiving his lack of reverence,
we approached and asked him if he
knew of the fate of the wicked ur-
chir.s, who made fun of the prophet
Elisha. He coolly denounced the
whole thing as a fable, and said he be-
lieved that Elisha was lying newspa-
per
REPORTER
And got up the story in question of the
bears eating the bad boys, as a sensa-
tional artical, an informed us that all
the bears one need fear these days,
were the bears of Wall Street.
We undertook to amuse, what we
took to be little girl, by relating to
her the story of Little Red Riding
Hood. She sent her nose on an aerial
and wanted to know if we
were the editor of che Paris Kentuck>
ian, as we appeared, from the style of
our conversation, to be about $50
years old.
Your reporter came away feeling
and sad, wondering if this
was the millennium-if there is any
balm in Gilead-any practicing physi-
clan in that country.
If any man in this fast age, over
thirty years old, wants to perpetllate
bis fame by establishing his carcass
upon the altar of schOol-teaching, let
him try to instruct the offsring Of the
Did idea-the Centennial kid so to
'peak-how to discharge his fusilade,
and then 60 into the backyard and
roll wheelbarrow over himself, sever
Il consecutive times, by way of pun
shment for his temerity.