The Hickman courier. [volume] (Hickman, Ky.) 1859-current, 1876-09-01
NOW TO KEEr roUR uIFE,s Lor1

Dsla U,..---4--- ss---. Ing advice
IN tHe last Weekly Times. she prac-
tices-morally-on the allopathic prin-
ciples Of "opposites:"
Resolve firmly from the start that you
will never coax your wife to love to you
as you would a child-with sugar
plums.
! In society, treat her-no, don't treat
her at all; pay no attention to her, bpt
devote yourself with exclusive zeal to
the entertainment of the young ladies
present, and leave her to take care of her
self. This course will win you not only
their respect and hers, but undoubtedly
that of the entire company-for only
fools in these days expect man to play
lover to his wife.
Should your wife receive a show of
attention from some other masculine, be-
come fend of jealousy at once, and
make her life miserable at home by un-
Just accusations and violent expostula-
tions against such unseemly conduct in
your wife. Or, if you are a different
sort of man, act the part of dog in the
manger-never take your wife anywhere
yourself, nor allow her if you can help it
(and l hope you can't( TO go with any
one else. Should her love not appear to
increase under such persuasive treat
ment, be still more redemonstrative-c
up the carving knife occasionally and
flourish it threateningly over her shrink
ing head, or practice violent "laying on
of hands" upon her-nOthing more eff
fective than mans main strength for
holding woman's love.
Never give up a single one of your
bachelor habits-smoke your dozen
OF more cigars every day, go to your
club, treat all the fellows" you meet
belong to half dozen lodges and
continue all your other pet vices
and then never fail to remark as you
hand your wife her weekly allowance
which, of course, you have scrimpeC
down to the last penny, as becomes you
manly generosity-thata at this rate of ex
travagance on her part you shall b.
: ruined in less than a year; and add, a
YOU bring your clenched fist in contac
with the table in way to make you
wife and the dishes shiver in concert
q Economy, madam, economy must b
: the rule and not the exception in thi
E house hereafter"-as if it had not bee
heretofore.
!, Should she dare to demonstrate, as
her in quelling tones, who earns tn
money; and then triumphantly marc
away TO settle few of your own littl
debts and respond to call far charit
preferred by Beauty in "purple and fin
linen" You will doubtless leave you
wife meditating with swelling heart O
your exceeding magnanimity.
Make a practice of dragging you
business into the house and worryin
about it morning, noon and night, but a
: no other time; or, while you are a
: home be deaf, dumb and blind to you
wife and family, sparing all your bri
liancy for outsiders.
Cultivate the charming habit of prai
: ING, in glowing terms, the beauties an
, virtues of other women, which you al
conscious are most strikingly diferer
from those possessed by your wife. TIL
. rule aithfully carried out, will effe'
wonders
Never allow yourself to forget thl
y your wife's mother means your mothe
P in-law, with all the name implies.
II After wearing your wife's life out tr
n ing, by these means, to keep her low
Is discover that she is not your affinity
II and endeavor to impress the fact upc
], her mind. This last resort never fail
IS Upon earnestly trying it, you will ha,
It her love, or its opposite, forever.