The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1876-12-07
Hrs. Gardeners Ante Election Cur!ala Lecture
Ia her william

Mrs. earducr'S AnLe-Eiecti0n Cdr!aI1 LtCtGti
TO her william.
Well, Mr. Gardner, it is about tins
for You to put in an appearance. Why
didn't you stay out all night while yol
were about it? "You wish you had 2
Yes I've no doubt of it. Oh, OF course
you're the head of the family, and i
privileged person, suppose; but I'm
not afraid of you and, and won't stop
talking till get ready, so there. "What
have you done ?" Well I'd like TO know
what you haven't done. Here you 60
ont, night after night to all the political
meetings, join in all the professions,
wearing out your boots; then you come
home at midnight SO hoarse with cheer.
Jag that you can hardly speak out loud ;
and in the middle of the night | wake
and find you beating the pillow with
both hands and yelling, "Rah for Hayes
and Wheeler Ia Just like to know
ofyour years? "You'rc not as old as
ann" Why, William Pringie Gardner, |
wonder that your tongue is not palsied
for telling such falsehood. You know
that we have been married twenty three
years coming next DcceLber, and you
know that was blushing young
What! Dare you say that was an old
maid "You take II all back Z" Well,
think you had better. | am afraid the
election fever has turned yonr brain
which never was very strong-especial-
lY last summer, at the seaside, when you
iiirtcd so outrageousiy with another
mans wife. "Yon didn't" Don't tell
me You didn't, Mr.. Gardner. Don't You
suppose I'd believe ny eyes? haven't
lived with you these twenty-three years
tor nothing, and know you better than
Won do yourself "Hoid my tongue 2"
Yes, that rs all the thanks | get for tell
ing you OF your faults. Better tell of
your virtues :" Virtues. Re-a lily,
Mr. Gardner, ii is the irSt time that /
ever knew that you had virtues. | must
mark that fact and the date down in the
almanac. No? won't hush till | get
ready. | expect you are thinking Of the
pleasant chats you had with that married
lady last summer. "Don't talk foolish p
Ola of course, Mr.. Gardner, ! am very
foolish in your estimation. It's u pity
that your lady friend is not hero "You
wish that she was" Oh! OH! Oh!!!I
10 think that | should have lived TO
hear you say that to me; TO me, who
has always kept the buttons sewed on
your shirts, Your clothes brushed, your
beefsteak cooked rare and juicy, as you
liked it; worked you pair CT slippers |
every Christmas, hunted up your spec
tac!es a dozen times day for you; and |
now that is all the thanks ] get Y ou
abuse me. Join Hayes and Wheeler |
clubs. Boys in cardinal red, and heav-
en- knows what else, 60 prancing and
frisking around the streets, carrying q
dirty lantern tied to apole, just as if you
were handsome young man, Instead OF
a bald headed, half blind, fat old man
with one foot in the grave. All right,
William Prangle Gardner, just "pro-
cesh" all you want to; join all the clubs
in town; get coal-oil and candle-grcase
all over Your best clothes; firt with
handsome young married ladies'; cheer
until you arc hoarsc throw away your
money for few more uniforms and
capcs; 90 down TO San Jose and eat Is
If you had been starved at home get
into all the fights you can, and after dis
grazing your family to your hearts con
tent, fasten weight to your fcet-be
sure it Is heavy enough to keep you
down-then jump off the wharf, and
will marry that handsome young wild
over who lives across the street in less
than six weeks after you are gone whore
torchlight professions will not trouble
you.-San Francisco Chronicle.