The Tipton advertiser., 1876-06-29

| haSSS - ASSs0n
Echo is Of the feminine gender, that
"Maybe it is because she always has
the last word"
Andrew Gum, Of Portland, Me-,
has petitioned the Legislature to
change his name, because the street.
gamins call his little boy "a son Of A.
Gunn."
| 1t is now settled that Satan's ad-
dress to the fallen angels, after being
driven out of heaven, was in German.
He began by saying, "Nicks, come
arouse"
He was bound 10 be accurate, and
he described the woman's costume
thus: She wore an elegant suit of
something or other cut bias, and
trimmed endwise.
A shrewd old Yankee said he didn't
believe there was any downright
cure for laziness in a man. "But,"
he added, "rve known a second wife
to hurry it some."
They have three bar-tenders in
Philadelphia saloon. The nose of
one is red, Of another white, and Of
the other blue. The second is sus-
pected of using chalk.
A Mr.. Chew was recently arrested
in Philadelphia, having three living
wives from whom he had never been
divorced. Each wife, therefore, had
a Chew to hacker.
Motto Of Portland temperance
reform club: ave bend the knee
but not the elbow" This is sup
posed to refer to dextrous habit of
drinking out of bung.
els it wrong to cheat lawyer?"
was recently very ably discussed by
the members of q debating society.
The conclusion arrived at was that it
is not wrong, but impossible.
The saying, "The race is not al
ways to the swift" has been trans
lated by the Chinese to read, "Big
long legged man don't always some
times get ahead of little boys
An inebratc recently fell and
struck his nose against a BARRIERS
pole. On being raised from the
ground he asked: "What's zat
woman wi striped stockings on got
agin me?"
Well, always make it rule to
tell my wife everything that hap
pens." "Oh, my dear fellow, that's
nothing replied his friend; 81 tell
my wife lots of things that never
happen at ALL"
A bald man was sadly astonished
to find his French bsrber's charges
SO high. "Ten francs," exclaimed
he, "for cutting my hair!" "Oh, no,
monsieur, not for cotting your hair,
but for finding re hair to cot"
A young man recently married and
gone to housekeeping, says he paid
three dollars for an "easy chair" but
those for which he paid only fifty
cents apiece are much the easiest
chairs-the easiest to get, he means.
A Sunday school speaker the other
evening used the word abridgement,
but Immediately pulled up and re-
marked that as some of the younger
scholars might not know its meaning,
he would say that it was synonym
of epitome.
A Cleveland Councilman voted in
favor of putting new seats in the
council chamber, because, as he said,
"whcn chair slipped from under
member the papers said he was
drunk" He wanted chairs that
wouldn't slip.
Aleck is six-year old boy, who is
very fond of ice-cream. He was
permitted to dine with the family the
other evening, and as usual wanted q
little more ice cream, but as he made
his wishes known, he added, "Can't
you hotten it little?"
She was young lady from Chi
cago, and he asked her if she would
partake of an ice cream, and she gen.
tly answered: "If it's good, square,
cream, I'm there; but
if it's church fair, or strawberry fes-
tival slush, count me out"
A venerable negro in Iowa was on
trial for an offence against the State.
When the case was announced in
court, "The State of Iowa VS.. Samp-
son Cnsar," the aged African ex-
claimed, "What! de whole State of
Iowa agin dis chile? Den l surren-
ders."
Jones asked his young hopeful just
from the Sunday school why Pharaoh
killed the boy babies and did not
touch the girls. "'Cause he wanted
to get rid of the Hebrews, but want
ed to keep the Shebrews,' the young
hopeful replied. Jones gave him two
cents for the missionary box.
Trained petticoats are said to be
coming into season. We never saw
one, but presume they will be trained
to pick up apple cores and cigar
stumps off the sidewalk, and to hang
over the back Of chair at night. 1t
loes not seem as if you could train
petticoat to climb q tree, still one
may be made to put on q good many