The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-10-12
THE STANDARD.
THURSDAY. = OCT. I2. Is7e.

Fresh: | wonder why my moustlche |
doesn't grow under my nose, as we'll as
at the corners Of my mouth? Soph.: Too
much shade.
Jack how do you like the :ector's
laughter Don't know. I've always
seen her drunk" What the rector's
daugter drunk" "No. ]"
They said to the father of one Of the
prizewinners at the Conservatory: so
your son has earned his spurs" "Yes,"
replied the practical old man, "and now
he has got to earn his boots"
An Irish barrister, Just arrived in Eng
land, had n bad habit Of putting out his
tongue. 81 suppose" said ,Jekyll, that
he is trying to catch the English accent"
The following notice is posted in
church in Monroe township, Illinois:
pleas deposet
Yore Tobacer
at the Dore
by order of
Dekens.
A dollar is a large price for water
melon. said purchaser TO yendcr OF
this fruit as he was paying for one last
summer you wouldn't think SO, mis-
ter" said the dealer, il you had sot on
the fence with ashotgun in your hand
every night for three weeks, watching
the patch
A fascinating young widow, having
married an elderly man, annoyed him by
frequent references to her first husband,
whereat the old gentleman finally re-
monstrated. IL dare say, replied the
fond creature, pouting her pretty lips,
that you'll be glad to have me remember
you 'shen you are dead and gone and
am married again"
Mr. Tompkins said a young lady
who had been showing Oft her wit at the
expense of n dangler, "you remind me
Of barometer that is filled with moth
ing in the upper story Divine Julia,
neekly replied her adorer. lin thanking
you for that compliment, let me remind
you that yon occupy my upper story.
Thanks and thousand OF them Il
that unknown genius who entrusted
trunk, with hive Of bees in il, to tn,
tender mercies of n Syracuse baggage
master, the other day. The compan!
will pay for the bees and the docto
thinks his patient will be around agair
in fortnight or so.
Every man" sad Mark Lemon, on
evening at his club, "has his peculiari
ties; though | think / am as free from
them as most men. At any rate, don
know what they are" Nobody contra
dicted the editor of Punch; but, after
while, Albert Smith asked: "Whicl
hand do you shave with, UncleT witt
my right hand" replied Lemen. "Ah!
returned the other, that's your peculiar
ity. Most people shave with a razor.
A tramp stole into kitchen i'm Bui
lington Iowa, and was just tiptoeing ou
with big LOAF of bread and "a pie, whe
the woman "f the house camo ia. Sh
shrirked -tor help sud struck him owe
the lacc with saucer she held in he
hand, breaking the. vessel aud cuttin
his nose when he dropped his booty an
fed, merely pausing to call his hoste.
an "unmitigatcd old sauceress," whicl
considering his limited time and scar
opportunities, want 80 bad.
The other day man took home
book containing several anecdotes shov
ing the power Of Imagination. and, aft,
reading them to his WIFE he tenderl
said: Now, Angelina, you may imagir
you hear me kissing Madalina in ii
other room, and you see how wicked
would be to accuse me of such a thing
Julius John, sho replied, in a smool
voice, "f ever ! imagine such thin
you II need a doctor within fifteen mi
utes; and I'll send for him, no matte
what that book says