Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1876-04-05

Vi Ill
For watchmaker-Stopped.
For barber-Scent ahead.
For a wheelwright-Tired of life.
For ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS.
For a scalemaker:
In all Iife's ftful dream;
He struck . balance with the world,
And then-he kicked the beam
NOrIN THE FAMILY.-An old DetrOiter
brought home two jugs the other day,
one labeled "soiled oil" and the other
'sturpentine." They were placed in
the barn, and pretty soon it was noticed
that the old man had business there at
regular intervals. His oldest son slyly
followed him and saw him taking deep
draught from one of the jugs. The old
man heard a step outside, and before
going out he arranged those jugs ac-
cording to his artistic taste. He was
hardly gone when the son skipped in
and took a drink from the jug out Of
which he supposed his father drank.
The next moment he was sputtering,
coughing and gasping, and the old man
entered and asked:
"Turpentine doesn't agree with you,
does it?"
"But I saw you drinking itw. ex-
claimed the injured and indignant son.
"That Is true," said the old man,
while beautiful smile played over his
face, "but it doesn't necessarily follow
that the rest of the family must relish
turpentine because l do.-Free Press.
He HAD been pensively leaning
against a corner on Madison and State
streets for fully two hours, last even
ing, gazing at the gay bellies Of the city
as they fitted past, when he suddenly
turned to a stOre-keeper standing by
and said:
"Stranger, how little We know of the
sufferin' and deprivation there is in
this world"
''How SOP" inquired the party ad-
"Why, sir, )" sadly responded the man,
lover in the pineries where / come
from, there's thousands and thousands
of folks who never seed a striped stockin'
or sot eyes on pull-back
And remarking that it was about
time for him to be getting back into
the philanthropist eantered
of toward the Lake Shore depot.
ART NOTICE IN A COMMERCIAL Way
A nice thing in oil for your dining
room: A box of sardines.
A good place to study marines: Ports
mouth.
A panel picture: When you are sum-
moned on jury.
A flower piece: "The miller and his
men,"
The art club: A maul-stick.
A good warm colOring: The brown
on breakfast roll.
A good figure piece: The multiplica-
ton table.
A study of heads: Phrenology.
A good drawing: Fifty thousand
dollars in lottery. -..-, -,.....,
High colors: The clouds and sky.
WANTED PRooP.-An English gentle
man was strOlling out with eOckney-I
\ genuine cockney-when they finally
approached a meadow in which was
q glorious crop of hay. The
,ockney gazed at it wonderingly. It
wasn't grass, it WASN'T wheat, il wasn't
.urnip tops. "Vy, vatever does you call
his stuff" said he to his companion.
THAT, why hay to be sure" was the |
-eply. "Hayi" exclaimed he, "come,
hats cutting it a little too thick. If
hats hay just show me the hay-corns |
come nOw." @ i
A NARROW EsCAPE.-A tramp, after |
he daughter of New London gentle |
nan, had given him some food the |
,ther day asked her for some money, |
Idding that the gift of little money
would save him ''from something aw-i
ul." This was clincher which in
With little legal tender. Then she
Isked him what the awful thing was
rom which her liberality had saved
him. He replied: ''From hunting up
work J"
As AN illustration of how busy every
me is now in Washington, Miss Grundy
ellis of lady who recently went into
# the largest dry goods emporiums and
sked for gloves. 'T want" she said,
"a pair Of white kids and pair of black
ids, and l want them quick. 1 am
,oing to wedding at II, funeral at
!, and q reception tonight"
THE following conversation took place
he other evening at the tea table in a
sangor home; Five-year-old to his
Mother: "Mother, can have cooker"
No, my son." "MOther, can have
quarter of a cooker" ''No, my son."
Can l have a crumb of cookie ?"
Mop "Well, then, can L smell of a
ookie?" ....4
A THrcK-HEADED SQUIRE, being
Torsted by Sydney Smith in an argu-
lent, took his revenge by exclaiming:
If l had son that was an idiot, by
owe, I'd make him parson" Very
replied Sydney; but l see
our Father was of a very different
lind."
A HARTFORD GIRL treating too fire.
uent gentleman rather eoolly drew
rom him the remark, 81 fear you are
OF dealing squarely with me-" "That's
ecause you are round so often," was
he quiet reply. --------
''ExPLoRNG waist places" said John
Ienry, as he put his arm around the
retty chambermaid. Navigation of
he air." said Mrs. Henry, overhearing
i'm, and sailing into his raven curls. |,
A GENTLEMAN rode up to a public
ouse in the country and asked: "WhO .
the master of his house!" 81 am,
IT," replied the landlord; "my wife .
as been dead about three weeks" I,
The man whose wife gave away his
'st bottle of brandy to sick beggar