American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1876-01-01
MULTUM In PARYO.

A DRUMMER in the wood business-A
| partridge. @rF-
| WHEN is coffee like the earth? When
| it is ground. -
A REAL-EsTATE mans motto" Not
words but deeds.''
WHY is mans life safest before he has
had dinner? Because he can't digest
then.
Ice continues to be broken in different
parts OF the country for drowning pur-
poses.
WHY is a Judges nose like the middle
of the earthg Because it's the scenter of
gravity.
A GoLD-MINE at Canton, Ga, pans out
800 day to each washer of the aurifer
GUS earth.
WHY is a minister near the end of his
sermon like a ragged urchin? Because
he's toward (tor'd) his close (clothes).
G. B. PERsoN, a dairyman, of Greeley,
Col, has churned out 1000 pounds of but
ter this season, from which he realized
81, 800.
IT is claimed that Senator Jones has
discovered on one Of his Nevada farms
mine of CASTLE soap, but the story will
hardly wash.
A COUPLE of Bridgeport (Conn.) families
have built twenty foot board fence be-
tween them, SO as TO keep from tearing
each others hair out.
THERE is a postoffice at Sonoma Town
ship, CAL, but it is without master, be-
cause none of the applicants could give
the $4,000 bond required.
DIR. HOLLAND thinks the cure for gossip
is culture. He says good-natured people
talk about their neighbors because they
have nothing else to talk about.
A DooLY COUNTY (Ga.) man who ran
away from his family and went to Texas
writes back that he took this step because
he couldn't make up the beds to suit his
wife.
HAVE we ever thought before of asking
why a fast black horse Is like patent
preparation of india-rubber? If we have
not, it's because it's an inky- racer.-Neao
York World.
OREGON gives an annual premium to
the man who kills the most squirrels in
the course of the year, and it went this
year to an old chap over seventy, whose
tally was 1 ,53S.
CHAT" said the tramp, rs the top
buckwheat; it has been used to keep the
others warm, and l don't eat no cover
lids" So he laid it one sMe.-,St. Louis
Globe Democrat.
SAID young man to his bachelor
uncle: "What advice would you give to
q young man who was contemplating
matrimony?" 81 should advise him to
keep on contemplating it.''
Mrs. MARY A. MURPHY, of Locke, Cayu-
ga County, N. Y, died recently at the age
of sixty-two. She had been afflicted with
elephdntiasis, and had attained to the
enormous weight of $50 pounds.
WILLIAM" observed fond Danbury
father to his hopeful son, +" the prospect
of war with Spain is no longer immi-
7 hod of
in the yard and finish saving that wood"
The grateful William stepped out.
A LADY riding on the cars the other
day was amused by the question of a little
girl who, hearing the conductor cry the
stations, looked up into her mothers
face and innocently asked: Say, man.
ma, do we get out at the next holler?"
THE Supreme Court of Minnesota has
affirmed the constitutionality of the law
providing that a State Inebriate Asylum
shall be built and maintained at the cost
of the licensed liquor dealers of the
State, and work on the institution will be
begun at once.
WHEN is a lady's dress like an unfort-
innate bull-fghter? When it is gofed.
And when is 1t like partisan? When it
is biased. And when is it like a toperg
When it is full. And when is il like the
sails of ship? When it is trimmed
L00e1 courier.
A QUAKERTOwN man has solved Mrs.
Livermore's query: " What shall we do
with our dadghters?" He has purchased
two washing machines and will take in
washing His wife and seven daughters
are to do the work and he will superin-
tend the business.
REV MIR. SHPMAN, of Norwich, Conn,
saws that he was once called to marry
a man who was to be united to his fourth
wife. AS he approached the couple he
said, as usual: " Please rise" The man
fidgcted about on his chair, and finally
remarked: We've usually sotl'
ANTOINE JACKSON, Chatfield (Iinn.)
blacksmith, will raise a mules heel with
caution now. One of them planted his
hind heel square in the blacksmIth's face
and smashed his nose into II respectable
wafer. Not IL respectable wafer mule
to treat a blacksmith, but natural.
81 ALFRED Core, an old merchant OF
Philadelphia who died few days ago,
gave S25. 900 TO the Geological Garden OF
fbat city on condition that no liquor
should be sold on the ground, that the
animals should not be unnecessarily mo-
Tested. and that the society should raise
The additional sum of $125, 900, which
has been done, and the society has agreed
to accept the conditions.
THE statement is made by the President
of life insurance company that it is
fact that women live longer in this coun-
try than in any other. They are less ro-
bust and muscular than the women of
other nations, but their tenacity of life is
strong, and their constitutions are sutfi-
GENTLY enduring to keep them alive consid-