The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-07-28
Wit and IiumOr.

Wit and Ilum0r.
The clink of silver money is for cash.
ears.
A BOYS newspaper in Indianapolis is
10 cents year, ana "anybody sending
three names and thirty cents will receive
set of jack stones"
How TO keep children at school-Nail
ciaI advertiser. Why not use whacks!
-Norristo,Un Herald.
A YOUNG lady on being asked what
business her lover was in, and not liking
to say the bottled soda, answered :"He's
practicing fizzician."
"IF the keeper of a Jail is jailer,
why isn't the keeper OF prison pris-
onerg' is conundrum which, on some
account or other, the Providence Press
is prompted to PROFOUND.
CLERGYMAN to Tommy" What shall
I give you for a present." Tommy, who
respects the cloth, Also truth, hesitating-
ly--"I-I think should like Testa-
ment, and l know should like a pop
gum"
earthed in Rome proves beyond doubt
that the Romans used to feel the need of
protecting that portion of the body most
and starts for home.
On, the pup, the beautiful pup,
Drinking his milk from china cup,
Gamboling around so frisky and free,
First gnawing bone, then biting hea.
Jumping,
Running,
After the pony
Beautiful pup, you will soon be Bologna.
THE weather was so hot in Massachu::
sets the other night that young man
tossed restlessly from Medford to
Maiden, the bed being directly over the
border line but, in spite of this fire.
quent change of townships, he was sleep
less.
A YOUNG man in Auburn advertises
that he wants to become "the son-in-law
of some respectable and reliable party.
No objection to going a short distance
in the country. Is willing to marry a
young lady with an incumbrance of a
small farm"
CYNICAL citizen to waiter, after sur
veying the glass of milk he had ordered:
81 say, ah, waitaw Would you be so
kind now, me boy, as to put little more
milk in this wattah9 Just trife, please"
The waiter retires to consider whether
the man is drunk or crazy.
"TAKE that lamp up" said a mother
to her daughter, the other night, as the
young lady set out for her bed-chamber
with no illumination but that of her
hr,r ybf
was the laughing answer, "what kind of
n creature is lamb pup ?"
The First Lord of the Admiralty, on
his first voyage from the Thames, in
rather leaky vessel, observed the men
working the pumps. "Dear me !" he
said, 81 did not know you had a well
on board, Captain, but L am really very
glad, as do detest the river WATER
Punch.
An Irishman in Iowa was bitten by n
rattlesnake, but the liberal use of
neighbour whisky cured him. The next
day he was seen walking slowly on the
prairie, and looking earnestly for some
thing. He was asked what he was look
ing for "For the boite of snake, was
the reply.
AN Irish citizen, in his grief, is asked
by his friend, "What's the matter %
Matter, indade Why, here, L in
sured my brothers life only two weeks
ago, and yesterday he got killed wild a
derrick. And when came to these i'll
surancers they'd been after making
some mistake, the blaguards they tried
to bride me off wild five hundred dollars,
as if I was haythen to sell me brothers
blood !"
"AH," said the worthy old Mrs.
Stubs, as she stood staring at placard
on which was inscribed, "Youth want
ed"-"yes, 1 dare say. Most on us who
have got bit oldish, as you may say,
might carry ticket about with Youth
wanted printed on it. But what with
old Father Time, and what with troubles
and trials, most of us will have to go on
saying youth wanted expect, for q
long time to come"
A MAN who is not clever at conun
drums, III attempting to get off one at
tea party at his own house, the other
evening, became exceedingly mixed.
He intended to ask the old question,
"Why is woman like ivy 2" the familiar
but gallant answer to which is. Be-
cause the more you're ruined the closer
she clings." But he put it, "Why is
ivy like woman?" which none of the
ladies could tell, and SO the unfortunate
man told them himself that it was Be-
cause the closer it clings the more you're
ruined"