Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-02-18
The Ba1d-Headed Baby.


lcT ScltlIlS seated Sile removed inc
shawl, and the hald-hoaded baby was
given a shake, twist, a wrench, a
flop, and came right end up, with his
big blue eyes wide open.
Some of the people III the car
merely glanced at little bald-head--
looked just long enough to be able to
swear if called upon, that it was a
baby instead of q goat. Others
smiled pityingly as they thought Of
his bald head breasting the cold blast
of hard winter, and wondered If
woe and poverty and sorrow had pre-
vented a growth of hair on his
pate.
Presently an old man left his seat
near the front end Of the car, and
bending over the child he asked of
the mother:
"My dear woman, do you want to
do me great favor?"
"Why-why, sir" she stammered
in confusion.
81 have not long to live, for I am
old and feeble" he continued, "but
before die | desire to lay my hand
on that baby's head!'
She made no objection, and he
placed his hand on the shining
pate, moved it this way and that and
asked
"Madam, have you given this child
q cognomen YETI"
eyes, sir; we've named him. she
replied.
"And, madam, allow me to hope
that 1t is a name befitting the intel
lectual appearance of the child"
eve call him Bascomb," she re-
piled IN a whisper.
"Bascomb! Capital! You do not
know what load YOU have taken
from my heart. feared you had,
like many other people, named him
after some big man or woman, or
racing-horse, or something. You are
sensible, you are, and if 1 was brass
band I'd come around and scrcnade
you this very evening"
She was very red in the face from
embarrassment, but he saw only the
baby, whose bald head kept trying
to dodge out from under his hand.
eyes, I'm truly glad" he presently
continued, "that you didn't name him
George Washington. Washington
was decelyer, sure's you're born,
though lots of Americans hate to
own it. Did you hear, madam, that
General Washington once stole 4
cider mill?"
"No-no," she stammered.
"You didn't. Why, it wasn't two
weeks before his death that he stole
cider mill from i nice old Baptist
minister, and if he hadn't died when
he did he would have been jailed and
made to pay smart money. If you
had named this child after Washing
ton, | could never have met HIM with
out feeling my heart ache over your
lack Of judgment "
Little bald-hcad shrauk up to his
mother, and she turned and looked
out of the window. The old man,
however, continued:
''And I'm so glad you didn't name
him after Daniel Webster. Mr.Web-
ster was good public speaker, and
he knew considerable about business,
but he wasn't the man he was cracked
up to be. Why, madam, that same
Daniel Webster was caught with
Il ham on his shoulder one dark night
just when he was the most popular,
and he had to pay two hundred dol
lars to settle it. He was a bic man,
and it was all hu.hed up, while you
and I, ma lam, would have been jerk
ed to Jail in n wink, because We are
only common folks. 1t makes me
shiver when think of how you might
have named this baby Daniel Web
ster and blasted his bald head for
life"
She looked up at the bcllrope and
around the car, but there was 10 eS-
cape.
"And you might have named him
Patrick Henry" softly continued the
old man, as he rubbed the baby s
head again. "Named him after a
man who'd hook fish off'n an orphan
boys tish-linc. | know what I'm
talking about, madam. Patrick Hen
ry had quite good learning, and he
wore good clothes, and you couldn't
get a counterfeit bill on him, but he
had his baulky tricks, after all
Would you believe, madam, that he
would walk seven miles on a dark
night to hook seed wheat?'
The bald headed baby had got
tired of the thing, and now began to
cry. The old man nudged him in
the ribs, and said:
"Bascomb, be good boy. When
you are grown, my son, beware OF
polygamy, Brigham, and the many
evil influences to be met with around
"A corner grocery"
And he raised his eyes to the
mother, and added:
Well, don't know rs | can give
you any hints as to how you had best
bring him up. If you should ever
get sick of him I'd take him IN a
minute, for there's something about
his head which has touched a tender
spot and made me love him"
She was yet four blocks from home
but she pulled the bell.
"And Pm glad you didn't name
him General Jackson" said the old
man, rs he patted the bald head for a
last time. "General Jackson whipped
the British at New Orleans, to be
sure, but what about his passing n
counterfeit ,en-cent piece on General
Lafayette? If you had named this
baby General Jackson should have
wcpt-going, eh? Goodbye, my son,
and don't never walk on the railroad
track, and don't try to sit down on 4
picket fence!
Arsene Houssaye tells of Il pIebian
who went to Rothschild to borrow
$4,000. "IIerc it is" said the Baron;
"but remember that as rule | only
lend crowned heads" M. De Roths-
child never dreamed of seeing his
money again, but, wonderful to re-
late, at the end of month the bor-
rover came back with his $1,000
I 1