Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-05-24
Humorous.

S1LAs CARD was married the other
day, and on his wedding notices were
the words: /" No Cards." But he doesn't
know what might happen.
The married ladies of Western city
have formed 81 Come-home-husband
Club" It is about four feet long, and
has brush on the end of it.
A CONNECTICUT man has christened
his daughter Glycerine He says it will
be easy to prefix nitro" if her tenn
per resembles her mothers.
AN obituary notice in a Western
paper contained the touching intelli-
gence that the deceased had accumu-
lated little money and ten children"
Topic, Geological discussion-Princip-
a[Was it colder or warmer hundred
years ago than at present? Pupil
(honestly)-I really don't recollect, sir.
A New YORK vagrant, who had been
fined regularly every week for begging,
requested the magistrate to fine him by
the year at reduced rate.
WHY don't Secretary Robson have
hash introduced into the navy as a
means of deadly warfare? It's the
very best thing in the world to repel
boarders.
A SOMEWHAT illiterate woman having
read Of SIMEON that "swept. the
plains" is urging her husband to get
one Of them new-fangled things for her
to use in the kitchen.
WHY does a man when he passes a
broom, lying in the hallway, stand and
ho WI hn 70 lo L IL a.
in the face, instead Of picking it up
himself and putting it in it's placer
Neao Orleans Picaaasne.
MRS PARrINGToN says she did not
marry her second husband because she
loved the male sex: but just because
he was the same size Of her first hus-
band, and could wear out his old
clothes.
CORVALLIS, Nova Scotia, has lady
teacher who kisses the first boy who
gets to school in the morning, and the
small boys are crowded out of school
by the larger growth, who roost on the
fence all night SO as to be early.
A CoRIANDER seed sprouted in the
cavity of tooth worn by a California
woman, and caused it to ache. For
miles around the people used to advise
her not to talk, for fear she would spoil
the crop.
A CHICAGO grocer has painted his,
horse red, white and blue, in honor of
the season, and says he does it from
purely patriotic motives. But his.
neighbors say it is only cheap adver--
tisement, and that makes it a horse of
another color.
Mrs. LOGROLLER, whose husband is a
delegate to a political convention, grins.
derisively on reading that the delegates.
have been instructed. 'Heap O. good
it'll do to instruct old Logroller!" she.
snaps: "I've been instructin' the pig
headed fool for years, and he can't buy
a yard of calico with any sense YETI
SHERIDAN SHOOK, of New York, has
two or three hotels, two theatres, con-,
cert garden and a brewery. Those who
know say that he can cast up his figures
at about 100000. Fifteen years ago
he was selling butter by the pound in
the market, but Sheridan shook that
business pretty quick.
JONES asked his young hopeful just
from the Sunday school why Pharaoh
killed the boy babies and did not touch
the girls. "Cause he wanted to get
rid Of the Hebrews, but wanted to keep
the She-brews," the young hopeful. re-
piled. Jones gave him two cents for
the missionary box.
The Secretary of the Treasury burns
up all of the old fractional currency
that comes in. That shows the i'm
providence and recklessness of the
present Administration. If President
Grant would properly distribute it, it
would support all the tramps. The
idea of burning up money a-purpose
DIo LEWIS, ten years ago, asserted
that person could live on forty cents
a week. Now that calicoes are down to-
six cents yard he thinks twenty cents
week would suffice. He seems to-
have forgotten that meerschaum pipes,