The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-04-13
Wit and HumOr.


SINKING fund bonds will not always
float loan.
TROUSERS obtained on credit are
breaches of trust.
P1oKPooKErs gather crowds only to
dis-purse them.
THEORY may be all very well, but
young doctors and lawyers prefer prac-
| tice.
| A PENNSYLVANIA mechanic has inv ent-
ed what he calls "Smith roller and
crusher." Bring on your Smiths If you
want them rolled, and crushed. Free
Press.
If a generous but ugly boy gives his
younger brother sixty" for stealing one
of his apples, and that night the apples
give him :" sixty" two, how many apples
did the younger brother receive Dam
bury Nea0s.
| A HARTFORD gentleman who had tar
ried late at q wine supper, found his
wife awaiting his return in high state
of nervousness. Said she, "Here I've
been waiting and rocking in q chair till
my head swims round like top" ''Jess
SO where I've been, :" responded he; "it's
in the atmosphere.
s:TH1s is nice late hour to be coming
home, SIR" remarked Mrs. Spilkins,
from the head of the stairs, as Leander
let himself in with a night-key at a. m.
correct again." mumbled Leander,
hanging his hat on the gas burner, "but
you mus member, lovey, fits nice late
| hour, this's mice late case, you know.
N Y. Com. Adv.
DURING trial before Justice Scott, at
San Diego, the other day, a native Cali
| fornian was introduced to testify. One
| of the lawyers, rather doubling his re-
liability, inquired: EDO you know any
thing of heaven2" emo" EDO you
know ANYTHING of heli?" emo" "Do
you know anything of Jesus Christ"
The witness studied minute, and, get
ting his ideas all In middle, replied:
ssWhat do know about these things?
I just came from Lower California.
AN eminent Scottish divine happened
to meet at the house of a lawyer, whom
he considered too sharp practitioner,
two of his parishioners. The lawyer
iocularly and ungraciously put the ques--
ton: doctor, these are members OF
your flock; may ask, do you look upon
them as white or black sheep?" 81
don't know" answered the divine, dryly,
sswhether they are black or white sheep;
but I know if they are long here they
are pretty sure to be feeced. "
AN INVITATION.
! "IIl scream if you touch me y
Exclaimed pert miss
Whose lover was seeking
An innocent kiss.
BY this -prudlsh conduct
Gold water was thrown
And the lover drew backward
And-let her alone!
ssI1l scream if you touch me ]"
She hollered once more.
He cried: " I'm not near you'll!
And found it bore.
She quickly subsidized,
Grew tender to view,
And whispered quite softly:
IN scream till you doW
THE front steps of citizen OF High
street have needed repairs for many
months past, and almost every day since
last October he has promised to send a
carpenter around to fix them. He came
home the other day to find that his wife
had been tripped up again by the steps,
and this time she had received broken
limb. She felt just as any woman
would, and as he came into the house
she stopped grooming long enough to
say "The doctor says I'm laid up for
three or four months, and guess you'll
fix those steps now!'' "They ought to
have been fixed long ago, he slowly re-
piled, $ but if you are going to be laid
up all summer won't bother with EN-
I'll come and go by the side door =
Free Press.