The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1876-08-10
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

= Moving for new trial-courting
second wife.
= What is nothing? A footless stock
ing without 9 leg.
: The early risers nowadays are the
thermometer and the house-fy.
Why is tale-bearer like a brick
layer? Because he raises stories.
= Man does not want to be an angel
until he has failed at everything else.
The heat is reported SO extreme in
Rhode Island as to expand the State into
quite a country.
= Mark Twain says: 1t is blessed
thing to live in land Of plenty, if you
have plenty Of land.
What is the difference between q
spendthrift and a pillow? One is hard
up and the other soft down.
- One of the proudest moments of 8
fat mans life is when he can eat buck
wheat cakes without getting molasses on
his shirt-front. ~ -. =.
I WHEN you go to the Centennial be
sure to take your dog along and enter
him for the dog show. A free pass is
kuIulSucu CfCiy OAuAUiVO1s
- Life is said to be journey from the
cradle to the grave, and the great prob
lem with most men seems to be how to
perform it without getting corns.
"My DEAR" said John Henry to his
scornful wife, Providence has spared
you the necessity of making e1ertions of
your own to turn up your nose."
= "Matrimony," said a modern Bene-
dict, "produces remarkable revolution.
Here am I, for instance, in ten short
months, changed from signing lover to
loving SIRE" =,
The Boston Globe thinks it would
be cool and nice to be frog in hot
weather. That would depend on how
many boys and clubs there were along
the edge ofthe pond.
Any well-educated young man who
wants to 90 out into the Indian country
and get killed for the benefit of this paper
can start to-day. AS soon as killed he
will please telegraph.
"A man in Michigan swapped his
horse for wife. An old bachelor ac-
quaintance said he'd bet there was some
thing wrong with the horse, or its owner
would not have fooled it away in that
reckless manner.
"It was simply an informal afair,"
wrote the editor of little strawberry
party at q neighbours house. "It was
simply an Internal affair."" read the COM
positor, and that editor will never get any
more invitations from that quarter.
Young ladies, time is flying; if you
have your eye on any particular chap it
is time to commence business. There is
plenty of time before the year is out in
which to pop the question, but few
months courtship is desirable to make
the thing interesting.
"May they always live in peace and
harmony p was the way marriage no.
tice should have wound up; but the com.
positor, who couldn't read manuscript
very we'll, put in type and Mortified the
happy couple by making it read, "May
they always live on peas and hominy."
Mr.. Spurgeon shuts himself up on
Saturdays. There is a story told of q
man who called on Saturday and insisted
on seeing him. The servant inquired
who he was. "Tell him servant of the
Lord wishes to see him." The message
was delivered and Mr.. Spurgeon sent
back the answer: "Tell him / am en-
gagged with his Master"
= The following advertisement ap-
peared in New England paper: "Mr
John Cow begs to intimate to the party
or parties who are in the habit of helping
themselves to his frewood that they may
now have the axe, as he has no further
use for it. He hopes that the taste which
they so strongly displayed for heat may be
gratifed, if not in this sphere, at least in
the next"
- Bashfulness is an inherent quality
of womanhood. A dozen women may be
gathered together, every soul of them
talking at the rate of forty miles an hour,
when the unannounced entrance OF a sol,
itary, weak looking man will throw pail
of silence over the assembly with an
abruptness that battles the most searching
investigation for a clue to what they were
Ali ~