The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-12-22
Wit and HumOr.

WHEN gentleman addresses lady as
"ma belle" ought he to ring herr
A MAN who drinks lightly is now called
q Durham" because he is of the
"short horn" breed.
A CERTAIN young musician is so
squeamish that he refuses to play on
anything but an upright piano.
The principal of Massachusetts Acad-
envy advertises that his school "turns
out the very best pupils" What does
he turn them out for, prayl
FEMALE TRAVELLER ticket for
Newark, please" Clerk = "Single,
ma'am9" Female Traveler-"N in
deed, sir I'm married woman"
! "WHoM do you like best, Aunt Jane
or Aunt Marya" asked little miss.
ooh, Aunt Mary, OF course; cause she
keeps the cookies on the lower SHELF"
A CANDIDATE in Missouri has gone into
bankruptcy because he gave several fell
lows tickets each "Good for one drink"
and they changed them and made them
read "GoOd for one drunk"
WHEN the witness was testifying, the
other day, he replied to question, 81
think not, sir" "I don't want to know
what you think" Numbered the lawyer.
"Well," said the witness, " I'm think
ing under oath, and that's as near as I
can tell YOU"
A CONTEMPORARY says: at is all
right for church choirs to serenade
newly married people, but there are
more appropriate hymns for such occa-
sions that What Shall the Harvest Be-
'Ninety-and-Nine wouldn't be just the
thing, either. It's too many"
"WHENEvER am low and pensive,"
says Richard Grant White, 81 read the
Irish papers. Here is man in Belfast
who advertises that he 6 is in position
to supply soirees and ea-parties in first
class style, having every appliance within
himself Can this be the same gifted
being who advertised in North of Ire
land newspaper for lodger who would
be treated as one of the family, 'but
would be expected to eat his own vitalsl 2"
A BEAUTIFUL young lady, who had al
lowed the tendrils of her heart to Irvine
fondly around strapping great con-
ductor on horse-car, had her affection
ate nature crushed by the discovery that
he was taking fare from her and dead
heading another girl who lived in the
same street. She did not eat pickles
and pine away, but wrote him an affect
ing epistle, which read: "You want to
knock down enuff stamps to buy me a
paisler shawl & doller vardin before
Sunday, or 1 will put an awning over
that girls Eye the next time I meet her
in society. You heer me-"
The beautiful custom of adjoining
houses with evergreens during the
Christmas holidays is ascribed to various
causes. Those who have taken the
Christian view of the matter refer TO
those expressions so frequently met with
in the prophetical writings, where green
boughs are spoken of as ornaments of
the sanctuary and signs of rejoicing.
Others have affirmed that the custom
had pagan origin, and refer to the
beautiful Druidical custom of hanging
up in the house boughs of green, to
which the wood spirits might resort to
shelter them from the nipping blasts OF
winter.
"THE NIGHT AFTER CHRISTMAS.
Twas the night after Christmas. and all through
the house
Not creature was sleeping, excepting the mouse {;
For hopes OF st. Nicholas no longer were there.
The children were restlessly tossing in bed,
For the pie and the candy we're heavy lead,
While mamma in her kerchief, and In my gown,
Had Just made up our minds that would not lie
When out on the lawn there arose such a clstter.
I sprang from my chair TO what the matter.
Away to the window went with dash,
Flung open the shutter, and threw up the sash
Tho moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave q luster of noon-dsy to objects below.
When what to my long-anxous eyes should appear
But horse and sleigh, both old-fsshioEed and
queer,
With little, old driver, 30 solemn and slow
knew at glance IL must be DIR. Brough.
drew In my head, and was turning around,
when upstairs came the Doctor, with scarcely a
sound
He wore thick overcoat made long ago,
And the beard on his chin white with the
snow.
He spoke few words, and went straight 10 his
work,
He felt all the pulses-then turned with jerk
And, laying his finger aside Of hts nose,
With nod Of his head, to the chimney he goes-
" A spoonful Of OIL maam, IL you have IL handy,
No nuts and no raisins, no pies and no candy;
These tender young stomachs cannot well digest
All the sweets that they get-oys and books the
best
But know my advice will not find many friends
For the custom OF Christmas the other way tends.
The fathers and mothers, and Santa Claus, too,
Are exceedingly blind. Well, goodnight 20 you'll"
And heard him exclaim, as he drove out of sight.
- These Hastings and candies make doctors bills
right"