The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-05-05

IOf the SWeopstakeS.
MOLINE, ILL.,, is pleased to call itself
"the Lowell of the West.
THE man who had a project ON foot
went to oorn-doctor.
IP men would set good examples, they
might hatch better habits.
You should not stone your neighbeE,
but you may rock his baby.
DRIED apples are becoming fashion
able dessert for swell parties.
THE man who does not set himself mp
too high will not get hurt when he falls.
THE pugilists Allen and Cobun are
daring each other to fight again. Head
quarters at st. Louis.
New YORK has 5000 criminals and
tramps in the city institutions doing
nothing.
CAN man dining in new suit Of
clothes be said to have q rag-out for din
ner2"
"The horse bit his master;
How came IL TO pass?
He heard the good pastor
Say, All fesh Ia grass"
A RELIGIOUS paper published in Tenn
essee says: Those of our subscribers
who pay promptly are marked as Chris
tians."
A PHYSICIAN boosted at dinner that he
cured his own hams, when one of his
guests remarked: doctor, I'd sooner
be your ham than your patient"
A LADY of rank complaining that her
husband was dead to fashionable amnse-
ments, he replied: "But then, my dear,
you make me alive to the expense"
ScHooLMI Johnny, I'm
ashamed of you'll When was your ago
/ could read as well as can now"
Johnny" Aw, but you'd a different
teacher to what we've got
A MAN who contracted debt of 81, ,143
promised to pay it in two installments.
Last week he forwarded S11, and prom
ised to send the other S43 as soon as the
times get better. er.-NorristoaU7 Herald.
WILLIAM KAToN, near Mercer, Pa,
committed suicide by taking corrosive
sublimate. His sufferings were SO great
that he expressed regret in not hav-
ing resorted to throat cutting instead Of
poison.
'AH, my good fellow, where have you
been for week back2'' "For a weak
back have not been troubled with .
weak back, I thank you" "No, no;
where have you been long back z" Long
back Don't You call me long back, you
inquisitive fellow"
HUGO ARNor, while one day painting
with asthma, was almost deafened by the
noise of brawling fellow who was sell
ing oysters below his window. "The
extravaganza rascal I" said Hugo, che has
wasted as much breath as would have
served me month.
THAT rascally comp" who substitu-
ted Eve for ecru in a description of q
lady's dress at reception in Washing
ton, making it read Miss Blank wore
dress of Eve silk" had evidently been
reading Hans Breitman's roem of "thS
maiden NIT nodings on.
Two DRUNKEN hunters in Nevada saw
q Chinaman washing gold dust in q
creek, and made target of him with
their rifles. One fired and missed
"You always ought to aim above tho
mark when it's 30 far off, said the other.
f" See how I do it." He was correct in
his theory, and successful in his illus
tration. The Chinaman fell, mortally
wounded.
FREMONT A. HANEs, twenty-six years
old, Providence medical student, COM
mitted suicide recently, by taking NOR
phine, the effect of which he had noted
every five minutes as long as he could
write. He was originally from Maine
He had sung in different churches In
Boston, and was once a member of the
PareparRosa opera company.
A THREADBARE tatterdemalion applied
at a low inn in Paris for nights lodg-
ing. When asked to register his nane
he wrote, "The King of Spain" The
police were at once notified, and when
they came they asked him "Do you
pretend to be King cf Spain9" ." Not
l." why, then, do you so register
your nameY'' because / wish 10 travel
incognito."
JOHN HoewAsH, of Iowa, has run for
Office sixteen times, and has been beaten
every time, but ne says he won't change
his name for any Office in the world
Detroit Free Press. Well, let john
keep it, if it's his viii. L Phitadeb0hta
Bulletin. Yes; swine motif Morris
to,cn Herald. Now, that ones real sty-
hsh worthy of the Norristown pen-man.
-.[N. Louis Globe Democrat.
AN ingenious hummer has invented
new way of getting his liquor. He puts
two pint bottles in his coat pocket, ono
full of water, the other empty. Then he
GOES into a saloon and asks for pint Of
gin, handing out the empty bottle. When
he gets the gin he puts the bottle in his
pocket, and tells the barkeeperto Hang
4 up." Barkeeper naturally objects,
and demands the cash or the GIN Bum
mer Reluctantly hands him the bottle Of
water, and goes cut muttering about
"some folks being so confounded per
tickeler."
JIM Grow, an old man, and Turk Tur-