The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-09-21

Hey what dye say ?''
A Wisconsin school tea cher had revenge
when the Board cut her salary down. She
licked every scholar in the school, destroyed
four maps, carried off the keys, and in the
law suit which followed she beat the Board
sky-higll. ~
Prof. Blackie in a recent lecture said: ga
woman is naturally as different from man
as flower from q tree. She will be fitted
for the rough and thorny walk of the mascu-
line professions when she has got rough
beard, q brazen front and hard skin, but not
sooner. T"
The superiority of man to nature is con-
tinually illustrated in literature and in life.
nature needs an immense quantity OF qulls
to make goose with l.; but man can make
goose of himself in five minutes with one
quill.
The following epitaph upon himself is said
to have been written by an old bachelor:
cat three score winters end died;
cherries being sole and sad;
The nuptial knot never tied
And wish my father never had.
The other day a would-be fashionable lady
called at neighbours at what she thought
would be supper time. Come in,'' said The
neighbor; we are having tableau'' 81 am
so glad" said the visitor, II thought smelt
'em, and like them better than anything for
supper" s-.I,s
'You see,'' said uncle Job, smy wlfe's
curious woman. She scrimped and saved,
and almost starved all of us to get our par
lor furnished nice, and now she won't let one
OF us go into it, and hain't even had the
wlndow-blinds of it open for month. She
is a curious woman ~
other day what he thought to be an aband-
oned hornets nest to examine the inside ar
rangement. The family happened to be at
home, however, quite numeronsy, and the
granger now thinks he will be able to SEQ his
barn in about two weeks.
A colored man, who was confined in Jail
at Martinsburg for horse stealing in Carlisle
Pa, anG who was confinedto the floor of his
cell by chain and hobbies, cut the chain and
made his escape by digging hole through
the walls of the jail, carrying his hobbies and
part Of the chain with him.
A fun-lovlng Concord girl is crying her
eyes out oyer a serious joke. She and
young man went through the marriage cere-
mony ssfor fun at the Heddino camp meet
ing the other day, and she now finds that
the young man who performed the ceremo-
ny is justice of the peace. 3
At the Hartford races young negro won
considerable applause by initiating the differ
ent movements OF horse in trotting, run
ming. pacing &C., the negro getting down
on his hands and knees to do it,. A white
man who tried to do it failed, and was igno-
miniously retired amid shouts of sstake him
to the barn. ''rule him off," &c. ff
Mr.. Stott, of Dover, will make his first as
cent in his flying machine during the first
week Of October. His programme is to start
from the sea front, fly direct to Calais, pass
around the light house, and be back to Do
yer, like Puck, in forty minutes. The ma
chine weighs 800 pounds, and is meant to
carry two men. elias "a. .rs4
A lady, in describing to an irreyerent bow
an occurrence in which his father figured,
closed by remarking, II am sorry to say that
the thing ended by your father losing his
temper" "Did father lose his temper?" ex-
claimed the young scapegrace; "Jilen hope
he'll never find it again, for i. was the worst
temper 1 ever heard OFF,
Bishop Morley was fond of a Joke. Once
when the footman was out of the way, he or
dered the coachman to fetch some water from
the we'll, to which the coachma.n made a
grumbling objection that his business was to
oiifOs ioo W Iul GIIdtl0lS. 'Well. then. !"
said Morley, ''bring out the coach and four,
set the pitcher inside and drive to the we'll"
service which was several times repeated,
to the great amusement of almost all the vii,
lage. IS 4 - 49,
The Rev. Henry D. Moore, of Cincinnati,
in personal appearance resembles Beecher
The Commercial says that he was eating in
a restaurant, when Barny Aaron and Joe
Coburn, the pugilists, entered and took seats
at table near by. Barry suddenly put on
a startled look, and stared hard at Mr..
Moore. S'Why dern my bloody heyes i" he
calculated, nudging Coburn; ssif that ain't
old Beecher! Why, dern it. how are Won.
old boy 7? Shake - Mr.. Moore Strengthened
up, offended, but unbent, and accepted the
situation by shaking hands. -,
A philosopher says, 'sPlanets govern not
the soul nor guide the destinies of men; but
tribes lighter than straws are levers i'm the
building up OF our character How true
this is. A meteor fifteen thousand times as
Dig as the earth may sweep across the hcav-
ems without disturbing the moral standing OF
man carrying footbath full of water down
STAIRS, when piece of soap no bigger than q
pigeons egg may lift his heel higher than a
nali lamp, drag him all the way down stairs
= Ia wheelbarrow, empty the foothbath in his
lap. spoil his clothes and ruin his standing in
community until the frightful stories OF his
unDrldled temper are hushed ND.