The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-01-29

BUBBLES.
"A great hardship-an iron steamer
"A word to the wise.-Remain so.
A ground-hog-a sausage.
Always operating for rise-emetics.
-Singular-to see garden walk
"A good place for oculists-the see eye
lands.
! Centennial kisses-one hundred with
out taking breath
Take care of the poor Indian and he'll
take hair of the white man.
New Bedford is said to have but one
whaler left-a schoolmaster.
-Buggins thinks that dynamite is
contraction for die any minute.
Can a man who has been fined by the
magistrates again and again be considered
a refined man?
The man that was stuck up with pride
has been taken down, and hangs on his
own hook at present.
"A doctor was asked to dance the
" Lancers. He declined, but expressed
a willingness to lance the dancers.
Mice harm the cheese, but girls charm
the he's. The same is true of their respec-
tive eating of cheese and cheating of he's.
"A little mixed.-Jones, Everybody
knows jones', wanting an extension table,
and not thinking of the name, ordered
multiplication table.
Love laughs at photographers. This
is a fact by way of proof take the follow.
ing brief epistle from young lady to her
| lover:-"Dere Jon-comeatafpastat
"A Delaware clergyman was the victim
of donation party the other night, and
the next day he had to exchange peck of
beans for something to eat or 60 without
food all day.
If ladies of the period are as just as
they are beautiful they will contribute
something toward monument for King
Canute. He was the person who originally
ordered the tide back.
-"My DEAR" said Mrs. Bundle, to her
daughter, "you must have something warm
around you in the carriage" Miss Bundle
mentioned the request of her mother to
her beau, and he Immediately complied
with it.
"A young woman of Pekin, ILL.,, was
asked by her minister if her husband
feared the Lord. She replied, Fear him!
he ;e ef hot ba
never goes out Of Sunday without taking
his gun along"
-" What size do you wear, sir"' blandly
inquired the halter. 81 think" said tho
customer, "about -" Just then in
backing toward the mirror he stepped on
piece of orange peel and sat down suddenly
-"about a cap size, think"
1t is not always prudent to drop into
French. The other night, lady spoke to
a young man of a "dernier resort" and
he thought she was swearing at him, and
went out and shed his locks till he was
bald enough to use towel for hair brush.
If place my money in the savings
bank" inquired one of the newly arrived,
"when can I draw it out again ?" "Oh,"
responded his Hibernian friend, "sure, an
if you put it in to-day, you can get it out
again to morrow, by giving fortnight's
notice.
Mrs. Darlington having heard her son
say that there were great many anecdotes
in the new almanac, begged him to cut
Al. Ill .l.~ Al
body was poisoned nothing was necessary
but to give him an anecdote and it would
cure him.
Mary had little lamp,
Twas filled with kerosene,
Mary down the chimney blew,
And vanished from the scene.
Gone to meet her brother who sat down
on keg of powder to smoke.
The latest attempt to hurt the feelings
editorial is in this current story: care
you connected with a paper heree" asked
a countryman of an inmate of the Indiana
Insane Asylum. go no. was the reply;
81 have been to the insane asylum and
been cured; man never runs newspaper
after he is cured.'
-" You mean elastcs, replied Broad
way clerk to an old lady who asked for
carriers. 81 suppose some heightened peo-
pie call 'em 'lastics." she said, "but when
git too stuck up to ask for garters, I'll
not box my Susan's ears for saying hose
when she means stockings" She got her
garters.
-" Zachariah," said Mrs. Chandler,
"what smell is that?" "Cloves." "But
that other smell?'' "Allspice" "But
isn't there another?'' "Yes-apples."
"And just one more?" "Cider, my DEAR"
"Well, Zacharah," said she, If you'd
only drink little brandy now you'd mako
a good mince pie"
Some time since man in Maine wanted
to exhibit an Egyptian mummy, and went
to the Court House for license. "What
is ?" asked the Judge. Gan Egyptian
mummy, may it please the Court, more
than three thousand years DID," said the
Snowman. "Three thousand years old''
exclaimed the Judge, jumping to his feet,
"and is the crttsr alive?'
A foreigner, who heard of the Yankee
propensity for Dragging, thought that he
would beat the natives at their own game.
Seeing some very large water melons on
market womans stand, he exclaimed
"Wha,, don't you raise larger apples than
these in America ?" The quick-witted
woman Immediately replied: "Apples.
any body might know you are foreigner;
them's gooseberries."
THE INNOCENT BoY.-The Nicksburg
boy can stand up with any other boy in the
world against an accusation. The other
day, when a Vicksburg mother discovered
sugar on the pantry shelf, she called to her
boy and said: