South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-09-01

~ w ny otc younS inuiSo iiAc ieIuOuSs
Because they are very dear, snd fro.
quently squeezed.
-AlSome people cannot drive to hap
piness, with four horses, and others can
reach the goal on foot.
~"I wish was pudding, nam.
ma" "Why?" Cause l should have
lots Of sugar put into me.''
~ Laughing may make a man grow
fat but you've got 10 mix it nightly
with bread and meat and quiet con.
science il you get it to stick
S"Wherever co. said an elderly
traveller the other day, II find men wear.
ing out their old clothes and hats; but
the ladies. almost without exception,
have brand new and expensive dresses
The LOST BLL.--A good citizen of
Raleigh, driving in the suburbs the other
day, encountered sadfaced, scedily-
"ooSou Se'"hBcA oiIliiiS oh tuc SEoSS
and looking around as if ne had lost
something.
Lost any money? asked the citizen.
Yes-lost ten dollars.
That's too bad continued tho citizen,
and he hitched his horse, joined the
stranger and began looking around for
the bill. 1t struck him after five min.
utes search that his unknown friend
didn't exhibit great deal of interest in
the hunt, and he sharply inquired:
Are you sure you lost ten dollars?
oh, know / did, was the reply
Where did you lose it!
About forty miles below Cairo, play
ing poker on steamboat, was the
mournful answer.
The stranger didn't smile on the con.
trary. he seemed so broken-hearted that
he escaped dose of leather
IVA gentleman gave his servant
maid the following character the other
day: 1.-The bearer has been in my EN-.
ploy q year minus eleven months. Dur
ing that time she has shown herself dill
gent-at the house door; frugal-in
work mindful-of herself; prompt in
excuses frendly--toward men; faith
ful-to her lovers, and honest when
everything had vanished.
IVA clergyman recently announced
from his pulpita beneficiary visit of the
ladies of his congregation to an orphan
asylum. He unfortunately ended the
announcement with an apostrophc, thus {:
. The ladies will take with them their
own refreshments, SO as not to eat up
the orphans
S"Man,' says Adam Smith, lis ali
animal that makes bargains. No other
animal does this-no dog exchanges
bones with another.
IVA minister's wife once asked the
late DR.. Edic, Of Glasgow, how he be.
came attached to the Session Church
when his father was member of the Re-
lief. Oh said the doctor, II can east.
~ explain that! Some of the children
went with my father and some with my
mother; but my father took nothing in
his pocket for the interval while my
mother always took bread and cheese.
SO I went with the bread and cheese -
A GESRIC DIFFERENCR.-Firs school.
girl Sweet cighteen) 81 am so tired Of
walking along by twos and twos in this
way It's as bad as tho animals going
into the ark .'' Second ditto ditto. dit.
tor: "Vorsei Half of THEM were mas.
culIne Punch.
tV'T spccks my behaved hear
ers,' said colorcd parson, Il specs
to-day TO take broad field in my's
course. 1t takes me a good while TO git
away from the dock, but when once
strikes de deep water, den look out for
de big fish"
IV'The editor of the Corpus Christi
Texas TrMEs puts it:
To owe is human.
TO pay up divine.