The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-02-26
VARIETY.


As FNE.-Little girl to her mother in party
dress" Why, mamma, you look as fine as a
hired girl"
BOLD AND CHEEKY.-Country editors get
ting very bold and cheeky nowadays. The editor
of the MadisonVille Times, a Tennessee paper.
has refused to take pet skunks on subscription.
CYSIcIsx-CharIes O'Conor, with that un-
pleasant cynicism for which he is famous, as
cribes his recovery to a careful and comp-ehen-
siye disregard of his physicians instructions.
To bachelor, whose affections are without an
anchor, perhaps there is nothing more aggrivat-
ing than the spectacle Of q beautiful woman,
with her sleeves rolled up scratching her husband 's
back.
Neuralgia is the of girl in Florida.
Her mother found 1t on medicine bottle and
captiyated with its sweetness. Some young
man is certainly doomed to suffer neuralgia of
the heart.
No SORT OF UsE.-A Brooklyn clergyman,
when called upon to visit dying mikman, re-
marked: g Ill go; but it isn't any sort of use.
Esver knew our Heavenly Father to forgive one
of that class yet"
farmers eggs?'' inquired precise old lady at n
grocery store. " No, ma am, - replied the prac-
teal clerk " but we have some very good hens
eggs." She took three to try.
TELLS HIN IN RETURN.-When the editor Of a
Chicago paper tells contributor his article is
soggy, the contributor tells him in return that
his paper ought to have something wet in it, for
it is awful dry.
No GAs-They were talking of a death re-
Gently, when one man asked: " What were his
last words?'' 90 He didn't say any thing was
the reply. "That's just like him. said the first
man, with approving nod. I" There no
gas about him. He was all business
Tar FIRST THrNG.-When Fiji Islander mar
q ries the first thing he does upon beginning to
keep house is to eat his mother-in-law As a
conservator of peace, the process, perhaps is ef-
fectual, and it is also valuable as measure OF
economy when marketing is dear.
VERY KND.-Lady to servant Mary, do
not approve of your entertaining your sweetheart
in the kitchen.'' Mary Well, ma am, it's
very kind of you to mention it but he is from
the country, you see, ma am, and I'm afraid he's
too shy and Ockard in his manners, ma am, for
you to see him come up stairs"
WILL CHANGE HIS MND.-A japanese editor
has avowed his intention of becoming citizen of
the United States, SO that he may hereafter have
the privilege of speaking his mind with entire
freedom. He'll change his mind about the free
dom, probably, after locating in Montana and
getting shot full of shinge-nails.
FuS SAHEAD.-Passing house on Abbott street,
the other evening, gentlemen noticed q boy hop
ping around and exhibiting great delight, and he
paused and asked, 50 Why, bub, what ails you p
ss Ais me?" grinned the lad " see there-house
shet up, no supper, nam off gadding, and there
comes dad around the corner It'll be worth fifty
dollars to the fur fly when he opens this gate!"
The Indianapolis Herald puts little romance
in this shape: She never told her love, that
little Kansas daffodil, to the youth with the An
tinous neck and the Elgin marble legs, the child
of nature who had forsworI the soul destroying
=. k,- nh ho1 FfnE,
sonnets to the most prominent of her upper works;
for the simple reason that few of her unfeeling
neighbors had lynched him for sitting on the
wrong saddle for couple of hours"
Could Nora careless scribbler says &" Miss
Anthony is wadIng through the SHOWS of Iowa,
hoarsely whispering, 'woobud sufrush." Now,
in truth, there are no SHOWS in Iowa-only floods;
and Miss Anthony is used to floods. Her clarion
voice towering Ger the wrecks of time and the
crash of worlds, has proclaimed women suffrage
before and after many floods. And, if there were
SHOWS in Iowa, they could not impair the original
vigor of Susan b.
A public fund is to be raised for the benefit of
Walt Whitman, the INDECENT Homer of the West,
the a. Milton of America The response should
be full and generous:
beat heart Of nations
Osciate within thy ribbed walls like nfuate pledrveri
Jerk vibrate pound, pitch h,heI and thhe quake, warm
myself with perturbatOry motion,
In order that the subscription may pour in, and
the good gray poet De renewed from bitter want
The Rev Robert ColIyer, of Chicago, told this
story in a recent lecture He a children's
party ON Christmas eve, and, seeing little hoy
sitting in one corner who was not dancing. he
approached him and asked why he did not join
the Others and dance. 80 I'm not danthing,"
said the boy solemnly, 90 because l don't think
danthing ith the great end of life. Now, you
know added Mr.. COllyer, '' if that was my
how. should think that he was meant for minis
ter, but should be sorry for the church that
had to take him"
The VERDICT.-A Chicago man was found dead
in his bed, on the I'd inst, with his boots and
another mans hat on. They thought he had
been poisoned, SO they analyzed the contents of
his stomach, but nothing was found in it except
some pickles, pound cake, lemonade, cold turkey,
sheer. fried oysters, cold punch, ham sandwich,
sponge cake, beef tea, mince pie, champagne
lobster, brandy, game pie, fruit cake, tea, chicken
salad, whiskey, coffee, bologna sausage. port,
cheese. sardnes and sherry, the jury returned a
verdict of died through the visitation of friends.