Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-02-19
Letter from Bert. Darlington.


see the great show on reasonable terms.
Letter from Bert. Darlington.
WHITEFIELD, N. H., Feb. IA, 1876.
Mr.. sEditor.-
Bazeley tells good thing on young
Ebin Bawlsome-(N Note Il won't say
Bazeley is liar, but would remark that
the real and tbs ideal are so fondly we'd
ded and blended in his great mind that
they could not be torn assunder without
an intellectual funeral. D. b. Young
Ebin Bawlsome is one of those divinely
favored beings who know just enough to
be happy and mind their own business.
In fact he never knew what real trouble
was till he fell in love with Mandy Jones
and was told by one of Mandy's other fell
slows, that old Jones swore he would COX
goad" him if he caught him across the
chips in his door-yard. One day Ebin's
father sent him over to Jones' to borrow
his double harnesses "to start up a twitch
Of wood for the parson," and Ebin, to IL
lustrate his own promptness, brought the
harnesses back the very next day. As
good luck seemed to have it, old Jones
and his wife had gone to market, and
Mandy, with subdued, rogush twinkle
i'll her eye, remarked that "they laid out
to be gone all night" Ebin put the har-
nesses up through the scuttle in the cham
Der where Jones kept them, which scut-
tie was Immediately above the head of
Jones bed, and then the happy twain set
tied down to business for the night. Doors
were securely bolted, younglings put to
bed and bribed to keep mum about it,,
lounge drawn out before the old open fire
and so the lovers were paradised, with
the golden gates close against mortal in
trusion. Mandy thoughtfully placed pan
Of BaldWins on the middle of the lounge
! between them, to prevent a too hasty col
lision, and serve as q graduated msdium
Of fascination.
go, happy love, where love like this is found
o, heartfelt rapture, bliss beyond compare"
SO far, good enough, and lots Of it.
But the best laid schemes of mice and low
erS gang aft aglee. Just as the enchant-
ed seeds of the last Baldwin We're reveal.
ing their blissful prophesy, old Jones
drove upto the door and sang out, "whoa p
with piraticai tone that struck terror
to the very marrow bones of poor Ebin
Bawlsome, causing his each particular
hair to "stand on end like the quilts on q
fertile porCupine," as he afterward ex.
pressed it. 1t was a bright moonlight
night and there was absolutely no means
Of escape without encountering either old
Jones or the other bull dog in the barn.
Ebin was numb, perfectly numb with
hopeless dismay; but Mandy, true to the
natural superiority of her sex in supreme
moments Of this nature, proved equal tc
the situation. She turned upon Ebin like
a frenzied tigress and said, 'Eb. Bawl
some, if you squork I'll never speak to
yer agin in all my born days! cut for the
scuttle, quicker'n scat!" In less time
than it takes to tell it, Ebin bounced cat.
footed out of the room, through the hall,
up flight of stairs, waited his quakine
form up through the scuttle and drew the
double harnesses up over his diminished
head for security. Then, to make a long
tale short, old Jones, unconscious of the
innocent little intrigue, of which he was
the victim, accompanied Mrs. Jones to
bed. As old Jones rolled himself I'D in
the quilts, leaving nothing over Mrs.
Jones but providence, he growled that "it
them Bawlsomes didn't bring them doub
lie harnesses home by tomorrow noon
he'd undertake to thin out the Bawlsome
family as fast as he catched 'um." Hear
ing this, the reins and straps in those
harnesses seemed to wriggle and col
about the leaping hears Of poor Ebin like
burning serpents /; but Mr. and Mrs. Jones
being fatigued, were soon bathed in "sorC
labors bath, y and treating their prospect
i've son-in-law to nasal serenade, whicl
so far treasured him as to admit the hope
that Mandy's nose was not gem of lin
cal inheritance. Now, Ebin was avgrea
worker and couldn't bear to lie still whel
he knew he ought to be doing something
= so as slumbers deepened below, he began
casting about in his mind for some means
Of release from his m0noton0us situation
He finally concluded to gently lower him
self down by the step cleats on the wall
walk the head board and silently stea
away. He realized that every step woult
| have to be made with spectral silence
SO he unwound the harnesses, careful,
poised himself over the margin Of til,
scuttle and reached his feet down to catcl
the step cleat, but somehow he missed
the cleat, and finding that he was de
scendlng this perilous grade in contemp
, of his time card, he grasped the doubl
harnesses to save himself, and down the,
came, Ebin, collars, breechings, spread
ers, trace chains and all, "corslam" on t.
the old man and wife, frightening then
lust about to death But Ebins wit
were strangely quickened by the descent
and as he struck the bed he said, "Pvt
brot them harnesses hum thank ye," ant
without waiting for formal return o