The workingman's advocate., 1876-07-15
WIT AND WISDOM.

LITTLE AHEAD OF NOAH.-A dispute
once arose between two Schtchmen, named
Cambell and MLean, upon the antiquity
Of their families The later would not al
low that the Campbells had any right to
rank with the M MLeans ia antiquity, who,
he insisted, were In existence as a clan
since the beginning Of the world. Camp
bell had little more Biblical knowledge
than his antagonist, and asked him If the
clan of the M'Leans was before the food
Flood what ioodF asked M Lean.
''The flood, you know, that drowned all
the world but Noah and his family and
his flock" said Campbell. Pooh lys..
anu your food " said VI Lean; ''my clan
was afore the flood" 81 have not read ia
my Bible, said Campbell, ''of any one of
the name of MLean going into Noah's
ark. NOah's ark !" retorted NJ Lean IN
contempt; who ever heard Of a NJ Lean
that hadn't boat of his ain ;"
You must not smoke here, sir, saiG
the captain 0f North River steamboat tO
man who was smoking among the ladies
on deck 81 mustn't Hai Why not ~
replied the fellow, opening his capacious
mouth, and allowing the smoke to escape
slowly. Didn't you see that notice Gen
tlemen are requested not tO smoke aDaft
the engine Il Bless your soul, that
doesn't mean me | am No gentleman
never pretended to be-you can't make a
gentleman Of me nOhOw you can Tx H.
80 saying, he pulled away, and took the
responsibility.
Mark Twain, speaking Of a new mosaui-
to netting, writes The day is coming
when we shall at under our nets i'll church
and slumber peacefully, while the discom-
fitted flies club together and take it out of
the minister"
Virginian accidentally stumbled and
fell. A lady, thinking to commisserate
with the mishap, observed that she regret
ted his unlucky faux-pas IA didn't hurt
~ fore-paws," he replied, ''it was my
knee"
Mr.. AIris the name Of an hotel clerk, and
1t isn't inappropriate ather. New York
Commercial Advertiser Don't Boreas with
any more ike that, Or we may come tO
blows"
Last news from the Spirit World. Me
dIum 'The spirit Of the late Mr. Jones
Is present. Jones wIdow(with emotion)
II hope you are happy Jones m Clones
raps OUT. Far happier than | ever Was
on earth n Jones widow "Oh, Jones
then you must be in heaven Jones ''On
the contrary"
A Whitehaller with a Vermillion nose
was tormenting a lady about her aye.
Just look at me Z" he exclaimed don't
| look as il | was out of nv teens "
Yes, she replied with a look Of triumph,
eff you mean canteens" His nose was
quickly put out Of Joint
A little boy, few days since, while com
ing down stairs, was cautioned by his
mother not to lose his balance His ques-
tion which followed was A puzeler: Mother,
if should lose my balance, where would
it 20 to N
Have you any children" demanded
house renter. Eyes, replied the other
solemnly, six all in the cemetery "
Better there than here, said the land
lord, consolingly, and proceeded 10 execute
the desired lease. In due time the child
rem returned from the cemetery, whittier
they had been sent to have a nice play,
but II was too late To annul the contract
Circumstantial evidence "Circumstan-
ces alter cases, you know, remarked
Scotch lawyer TO an old client. ''Nerra
true, sir, replied the farmer, "and cases
alter circumstances as weel for, man, |
mind when W we're young and had but few
cases, yO,W circumstances werna over
braw.
clergyman observing a poor man BY
the roadside, breaking stones, and kneel-
ing To get al his work better, made the
remark "Ah, John. / wish ! could break
the stony hearts ~ my hearers as easily AZ
| you are breaking these stones Perhaps,
master, you do not work on your knees, a"
was the reply.
A gentleman having engaged a brick
layer to make some repairs IN his cellar.
] ordered the ale to be removed before the
bricklayer commenced his work. ''Oh 4
am not AFRAID Of barrel Of ale, sir, =" said
the man. III presume not, said thC seYs-
tleman ''but | think barrel of ale ,, ould
run At your approach. F"
An English vicar was standing on a
Monday morning at his gate, when one of
his parlshioners arrived with basket Of
potatoes. Whats this n said the vicar.
Please, sir, replied the man, fits some
Of our very best taters-a very rare kind,
sir. My wife said you should have some
of them, as she heard you say in your SER
mon, that common taters didn't agree with
you"
gentleman afflicted with an impedi-
ment in his speech took dinner at tavern,
and calling to a waiter addressed him thus
We-w-waIter, g-glve me me s-some r-r-
roast BIB beef. The waiter stammered
out in reply ''Ww-we a-a-ain't g-g-got
any" At which the gentleman, highly
enraged, supposing the servant was mock
| ing him, sprang up from his seat and was
/ proceeding to knock him down, when a
third person arrested his arm and cried to
him not TO strike, saying: He st st-stut-
ters SESAME az W-we d-d-do N
The Independents of Ilhaois have never
been 80 full Of hope and determmatiql Al
at the present time They can neither be
calOied nor frightened