, 1876-07-23
BREVITIES.

What What the Pope won't say: Pa1 vobismarck:-
Man does not want to be an angel until b
has failed at everything else.
A dull minister in tho pulpit is sore trial
but tho soprano in the choir is soarer.
Courier,zournal: It is generally agreed nov
that the best name for q bcll-boT is Bcllzcbub
Yesterday being the Lords Day, we noticed
that the boys who we're flying kites had goot
clothes on.-Saa A,.fonio Herald.
1t recent church festival at Los Angeles
Cal, the ladies sold rum punch under the piou
Oh, horror Tommy (suddenly, on his wa,
home from ch:,rch)-What did you take out o
the bag, mamma? l only got si1penee! Lool
here!
Bismarck appears to be still going It blind il
church matters. The Archbishop Of Cologne
has just been deprived Of his Sec.-lYew 1orl
Commercial 4dDerttser.
An editor well known in the vicinity Of Irving
ton, n. T., very religious sort Of achap, awolst
in church last Sunday morning, and yelled out
I'D it, more copy"
Burlington Hamkeye: Professor Tyndall has
begun to keep house, and last week, when hi
tried to put the kitchen stoycpipe together, he
confessed to Mrs. Tyndall that he believed .
blamed sight less III the practical efficacy ot
prayer than he ever did.
Some people seem to be extremely sensitive,
At one Of the churches on Sunday the minister
and a man who had just been married got up
and went out. He said he didn't want public
sympathy obtruded on him in that way
N64,oich Bulletin.
t'Afother," said Artaxcr1es to Mrs. Marrow
fat, ~ guess you must be going to commence
house-cleaning pretty soon."
"Why SO, my boy!" asked his mother, smil-
We'll, notice that Pop read two chapters OF
the Bible, and prayed harder than usual this
morning"
Free Press: A. church congregation at Wal
lington, Conn.,, has been two years trying to
select pastor. They can't agree on the style
in which lie shall comb his hair and button his
vest, and no ono can be engaged.
THE RELIGIOUS PACK OF CARDS.
a private soldier by the name OF Richard was
taken before the Magistrate Of Glasgow for
playing cards in church during divine service.
f'he Sergeant commanded the soldiers at the
church to whom the parson had read the pray
ers to take tile text; those who had Bible
took it out, but the soldier had neither Bible
nor common praycr-book, but, pulling out a pack
first looked at one and then the other.
The Sergeant Of the company saw him, and
said: "Kehard, put up the cards; this is no
Ne7cr mind that" said Richard.
When the service was over tho constable took
Richard prisoner, and brought him before the
Mayor.
s'Wcll," says the Mayor, t'what have you
brought him here for?'
For playing cards in church,
swell, soldier, what have you got to say Tor
yoursclf!" Z"
Much, sir, hope" .........
"Very good; it not will punish you more
than ever; SO proceed"
F" I have becn," said the soldier, six weeks
on the march. have neither Bible nor prayer
book. have nothing but a pack Of common
cards. and hope to satisfy your worship OF the
cards before the Mayor he began with the ace:
"When l see the ace it reminds tile that there
is brtone God; when see the deuce 1t reminds
me Of tue Father and Son; when see the tray
it reminds Of the Father, the Son, and the Holy
Ghost; when see the four it reminds me OF
the four eyangelists that preached, Matthew.
Mark, Luke, and John; when sec the five It
reminds me of the five wise Virgins that
trimmed the lamps; there were i've wise nut
five we're foolish and were shut out; when sec
the SIX 1t treninds me that in six days God made
the heavens and Garth; when sec the seven It
reminds me that on the seventh day God rested
from the great work, and lalIowed it; When l
sec the eight it reminds nc Of the eight right
stroyed the world, viz: Noah and his wife, and
three sons and their wives; when sec the nine
it reminds me of the nine lepers that we're
cleansed BY one Simeon :Ahere were nine ont OF
The ten that never returned thanks; when see
khe ten It reminds mo of the Ten Command !