The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1876-05-17
NEWS AND OTHER ITEMS.

l. AN@ (AaSe@eAQA GQ4SASbS III
q lore.
A wedding trip-falling over the
brides train.
Long finger nails might be call
hand-spikes.
The only fresh news from Detroit
is the report Of a corner i'm salt.
For dollar in scrip a man can
now get a better half and new quar-
ters for the Centennial year.
Robert Dale Owens new play,
sixteen Hundred and Seven,'' is
of some count.
Said justice to an obstreperous
prisoner on trial 1--WE want nothing
but silence. and but little of that"
Moses Stocking is candidate for
land commissioner in Nebraska.
| Some of the people say darn him.
Professor C.-"Mr. -, what
will be the effect if / hold q piece of
caleite in the blow-pipe flame?' Stu
dent-'.It will get hot.''
In debate, rather pull to pieces
the argument of thy antagonist than
offer him any of thy own; for thus
thou wilt fight him in his own coun-
try.
Landlord. did you ever have a
gentleman stop with you before p
s'Are yCu gentleman "Yes. 1
am" "Then I never had one stop
! with me before"
We learn from the Popular Science
Monthly that animals have con-
sciences. Happy thought--put
them in charge of the public funds.
A bricl1layer recently died in
London who was found to have the
heaviest brain on record it weighed
sixty-five ounces. The man could
neither read nor write.
A man who bought one thousand
Havana cigars this week, on being
asked what he had. replied that they
were tickets to a course or lectures
to be given by his wife.
DIR. Hall says that if you wake at
night with heavy feeling about the
pit of the stomach, you should turn
on the gas and it will become light
Immediately. Easy to try.
The London Era in a recent no.
tice says: Especial praise is due to
Miss -. and to the prompter."
Which is neat way of condemning
performance with one exception.
Two of the old Red Stockings
have joined choir. One of them
ofliciates as short stop on the organ
and the other sings third base.
Their interest is concentrated on the
Tuneful Nine.
An anxious exchange inquiries,
"Is this nation as bad as it seemsF'
o, of course not; the thieves and
robbers don't mean anything by it.
It's all chaff, chaff.
AS Moody and Sankey SO out of
the New York Hippodrome Often
bach's opera comes in. The congre-
CATION glance at Aimee's stockings
and piously murmur with her
stripes we are healed
There are 5000 school houses i'm
Michigan and more than 5000 pref
ty school MAINS. 1t would take a
large flock Of sheep now to kick up
the sensation that Mary's little
lamb kickad up years ago.
It is now stated that A. T. Stewart
contraced his death in the dampness
OF his marble palace. We always
thought marble palaces were unheal-
thy, and now our friends will under
stand why we don't live iu one.
Here's an argument in favor of
cheese. Prof. Peck says that in
this country, where cheese is least
used, one physician to every 500
persons is required. In Switzerland
, and countries we're it is NEST used
only one physician is needed for
J every 10000 persons.
About this time when 8 woman
goes to the head of the stairs and
cries, ''Jane, have you seen anything
of the claw-hammerr' ID 10 curious
to see with what agility her husband
will get into his clothes, skipping
button after button, and bounce for
! the front door.
Mary Harris, who shot and killed
!, Burroughs, a Treasury clerk. in
Washington, some years ago, and
was acquitted on the ground OF In
sanity, still lives at the National
: Capital. About a quarter OF her
/ time she is incarcarated; then re-
leased till she chooses to return
! again, which she does quite regular
J ly. ] l 9H M EaAot
: After all the talk, neither Miss
! Kellogg, James Gordon Bennett. jr :.
! Whitelaw Read or Anna Dickinson
: seem any nearer married than they
were at the beginning Of the century
A New Orleans belle has eIoped
with barber. Her mama cries. och
hone Her friends raze 'er name
! from their visiting lists, and her fa-
3 ther says he'll lather the fellow who
t carried her off.
TX Marvel, in a recent after din.
4 ner speech. said that agriculture. did
G not lead to such offenses as Bel
2 knap's. Aud yet his crimes are quite
" |" narrowing. s4 H8
9 Josh Billings says: Stander is like
q tin kettle tied 30 dog . tail--yery
I good fun so long as IL isn't s9Hr dog
4 AIcCrispin-"Q Quite right te get paii
n Of shoes, Molly, your fut Ill look ille