The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1876-11-16
An Hour at the Central Station Court.
detroit Free Press


When the first reporter softly slid into
the station-house Bijah had lot of small
change on a chair before him, and was
saying.
"What / want now is to get some
bets on the election"
He had laid out the following pro-
gramme:
First-Nine cents that it rains all day
on election day.
Second-Fiiteen cents that the man
who challenges my vote will get hurt.
Third-Ten cents that it will be q
close shave.
Fourth-The same sum that / vote the
straight ticket, and that holler as long
and as often as any of the miserable oppo-
sition.
THE RAMPARTs OF LIBERTY.
Gall that want is that facts be told
and sworn to-" remarked Isaac Waters as
the bell tolled him out. 81 am stran-
ger in the middle of strangers, but l sup.
pose Michigan law is the same as any
other kind of law"
"Just the same, except Chicago law"
replied the court. In the first place we
look for facts. Then swear to 'em. Then
we take prisoners character and de-
meanor into consideration. II found in
nocent he is sent away with new pair
of Arcticovershoes on; if proven guilty,
We drop tear over his badness and put
him behind the iron bars"
"Hand me the overshOes, for I'm as
innocent as an unborn granger" re-
marked Mr.. Waters.
"Softly, softly, though stranger" whis-
pered his Honor. Lets have some
statements, a little swearing, and decide
this case only after mature deliberatiOn.
The officer will now loom up before the
desk and give in his testimony"
1t was bad testimony for Waters, who
got drunk on Michigan avenue, was
kicked out of q saloon, and staggered
down Third Street upsetting children,
abusing pedestrians, and throwing mud
at man who had standing collar on.
"Now bring on your rebutting evil
dence said the court, when the statement
had been finished.
care there no ramparts of liberty in
this State ?" asked the prisoner.
Heaps of 'em sir. You can't turn a
corner in this town without punching a
Goddess of Liberty in the ribs with your
elbow. The American eagle learned to
scream in Detroit, and Detroit to-day
wells lOudest when the name of George
Washington comes in by the afternoon
mail. Has liberty anything to do with
your red eyes and spreeful lOok?'
81 want trial according to liberty ~
exclaimed Mr.. Waters.
You have had it. You were drunk,
ugly and impudent, and fine you five
dollars"
81 call upon the Constitution of the
United States to protect me-" shouted
the prisoner.
Estate rights are a neck ahead p
slowly remarked Bijah, and he fastened
his graphing irons on the mans collar
and hauled him out of the sunshine.
A WAGER.
"Hiram Stalk, L learn that you were
meandering around last night to get a
bet on election, and that you hit man
on the nose because he wouldn't accept
your proposition. Is this so %
"a Teller called me a decanter on
wheels and had to hit him." was the
reply. w =,
swell, sir, I'll make wager with you.
I'll bet two to one that you 60 up tor
thirty days."
"l'd like to Bet on your side," humbly
whispered the prisoner, and he followed
Bijah in the corridor and complained of
q pain across him.
IN THE LONG AGO.
"Ah, well do I remember" sighed the
court as the next man passed out, "when
you were constable in the Third Ward,
wore velvet coat, carried a cane, and
was looked upon as high-jiux, hOop-la,
tip-top sort of a man. Men respected
you, the boys feared you, and you could
have got trusted for small amount at
any grocery in town. Those days have
fled. The sparkling diamond of the past
has become an old joint of stoye-pipe
thrown into the alley for COWS to nibble
at and wonder which end the grass grows
on. 1t makes me sad to remember what
you were, and now see what you are"
Yes, l used to swell around a good
DEAL" unused the prisoner.
And now you are on the shrink.
Your eyes look like pieces of turnip glued
10 red velvet, your hair looks like flax
gone to seed your nose glistens like a
creased apple, you tremble all over and
no boot-black would care to be seen in
your company"
cts purity tuff," sighed the man,
winkiDg at his old red boots.
Have you any ambition left p asked
the court.
81 guess So" was the hesitating reply.
"Do you think there is any chance for
you to climb up again?'
81 druther kender walk around and
take comfort" replied the prisoner.
$50 we Co." said his Honor as he
leaned back. "When man had as soon
be the dishcloth as the dinner-plate it is
useless to try to wiring him out. I'll have
to send you up for the winter"
"Well, its kinder warm and nice up
there" observed the old relic. al spose
they might give us more oysters than
they do, but Pm purity well satisfied"
After assuming a picturesque position
Bijah sang out:
Adjourned once more this Station Court,
The Black Maria's a coming;
silent tear for the men in here,
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