The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1876-09-01
VARIETIES.

asked person of fisherman. Eyes,
there's agood eel in it,' was the rather slip
perry reply.
"A young man advertises for a situation
as son-in-law in respectable family
Would have no objection, he says, to go
a short distance in the country.
Grounds of Argument Edith 81
say, Regy, how is it that one of our cows
is brown and the other white" Reginald ::
"Why, you silly, any one knows that. It's
the white cow that gives the milk and the
brown COW the coffee"
=" Did anything about the defendant
strike your eye as remarkable 2" asked the
judge of the plaintiff in case of assault
and battery. 1T did, yer honor" "And
what was that Z" continued the judge
His fist, yer honor"
Nothing is so discouraging to young
lawyer just as he wakes eloquent about
angels tears, weeping willows and tomb
stones, as to be interrupted by the cold
blooded justice with "You're off your nest,
bub ; this is case of hog-stealing."
The Whitehall Times asks: "If Ne
cessity is the mother of invention, will
some sharp paragraphist please inform us
who the father is 2" Why the husband of
Mrs. Necessity, of course. Isn't this a-par-
ent enough No,ristoson Herald.
-"Where's the bar ?" asked dirty-look-
ing stranger of the bel-boy of the hotel the
other day. "What kind of a bar 2" asked
the latter. "Why, saloon bar, of course !:
what do you suppose I mean 2" "Well,"
drawled the boy, 81 didn't know but you
might mean bar of soap"
-Danbury has the champion borrowing
boy. He comes from chemically borrow
ing family.
The other day he went to neighbours for
cup of sour milk. II haven't got any
thing but sweet milk" said the woman,
pettishly. "I'll wait till it sours," said the
obliging youth, sinking into chair.
1t was evening. Three of them were
killing a cat. One of them held lantern,
another held the cat, and the third jam
med the pistol into the cats ear, and fired,
shooting the man in the hand who held the
cat, and the one with the lantern was
wounded in the arm. The cat left when
it saw how matters stood, and that llfeel-
ing was being cnScndefcu.
The assurance of the lightning,rod
man was never better illustrated than the
other day when he applied to the president
of railway company and wanted to put
lightning-rods on all his cars. "Lightning-
rods ON our cars p asked the latter. "Why,
certainly" "What in the world do we
want them for 2" because they make
good conductors" replied the man, as he
closed the door hastily behind him.
Robert Kettle, missionary in Glas-
gov, left a few tracts with young lady
one morning. Calling at the same house
a few days afterward, he was rather dscon-
certed at observing the tracts doing duty
as curlpapers on the head of the damsel to
whom he had given them. "Weel, ma
lassie," he remarked, 81 see you have used
the tracts left VII ye; but" he added, in
time to turn confusion into merriment, Eye
have putten them on the wrang side o. head
my womann
Some years ago Highlander, being
in Glasgow for the first time, one fiue morn
ing was rather amazed at the streams of
people iocking from all quarters toward
the end of the Green, where they hanged
the criminals He asked passenger what
the folk expected to see down there. "a
man is to be hanged this morning, Sir"
was the answer. sob, poor man and
what are they going to hang him for !''-
"Sheep- stealing, Sir" "Tut, Tut ! poor
stupid man Why did lie no buy them and
never pay for them ?"
Our readers will thank us for the fol-
lowing sure preventive against hydropho
bia in dogs; Boil three tablespoonful
of salt and an ounce of carbolic powder
in pint of water, squeeze in lemon, and
let piece of meat simmer in the mixture
to give it attractive taste. Take out the
meat, and put the liquor in a cool place.
Then while the remedy is cooling lead the
dog out behind the barn and shoot him
between the eyes with Remington rifle.
One pint of the liquor will be found enough
for 100 dogs.-Rome Sentinel.