davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
New Nuggets From An Old Mine.

"a wink's as good as nod, to blind
horse" and either wink or nod can con-
vey u hint just as well as putting the |
tongue to it. A false face or a crafty finger |
may work as much mischief as lying lips. |
A fox hard pressed by the hounds came
up to a man who was cutting wood, and
begged him to give him shelter until the
hounds had passed. The man showed the
fox his own hut, and so, creeping in,
Raynard hid himself in corner. The
hunters soon came up, and asked the
woodman if the fox had passed him.
"No," said he, but at the same pointed
over his shoulder to the corner where his
guest was lying. They did not catch his
meaning, however, and departed. When
the ground was clear out comes the fox,
and is marching off without a word.
Stop" said the man, in an upbraiding
tone, " is this the way you require ones
kindness? Have you not one word of
thanks?" "If you had been as kind with
your thumb" said the fox, Gas you were
with your tongue, l should not have quilted
your roof without bidding you a grateful
farewell" The fact is, the woodman was
nothing but an arrant knave, and, like
many more of the same tribe, made mouth
and motion tell two different stories.
| Double-dealing has its kilograms as we'll
as the post-office, and a good deal of the
devils diplomacy is carried on in cipher
" Fu' O. curtesy, flu O. craft" is sadly toe
common in this dishonest world, and many
time the tongue says ae thing and the
touch aniter." Many a dog will wag it
tail for thy bread, and bite thee for thy
bone," and in such case it is we'll to pa,
/. little heed to the tail and keep sharl
watch on the teeth. Whatever the wood
mans words were worth, there was mis-
chief enough in his finger to send the 70,
to the dogs. shrug of the shoulder cal
shatter character, and a significant coug
can give wings to a SANDER. A sign ma
be stronger than sentance, for Yes, an
shake of the head means NO. with a
!, oath at the end of it, "Winks and noe
and wreathed smiles " may be brimful {
| AOA ~ JSNNAhSj ~
a blush blurts out the truth" Innuendo'
are trains of gunpowder, which end in a
{ explosion that can blacken a name ar
l. blast fame, and insinuations are the eg
y out of which libels are hatched and cock
u trices fly; and innuendoes and insinuatiol
p" are both the stock-in-trade of a coward ar
g sneak. Ifyou insinuate damage of ma
Z you will not only insinuate Il, but in sin y
d hate him, and are, according to the Boo
or the marrow of murderer"
'e "False friends are worse than op
OIL enemies" and many man Has God
cs his tongue and the devil in his heart" a
his face and fingers are an index to
70 contents. "Saying and doing are t
III things" more's the pity, and if it's
er rogue's habit to "wear two faces under c
ed hood" it's rascal's way to carry an o
OF tongue and sneering lip under one h
er A cunning man cut after this pattern
ne moral shoddy, from centre to selvage, q
70 is never harmless but when he's aslee
'er therefore, "Take heed of an OK befo
lty an ass behind; and knave on all side
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

HIS New BULL.-The Burlington Haokeye
says: John Osborn, farmer, living near
Laporte City, recently bought fine-blooded
bull, of which he was very proud. He
went into the fine-blooded bulls stall the
other morning, slapped him familiarly on
the back, and told him to "waltz over"
And the fine bull waltzed John Osborn
over the side of the stall, and then escorted
him out of the barn and walked him across
the barn-yard and helped him over the
fence, and then serenaded him until noon
trying to coax him back. But he would
not be coaxed.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
DON'T TAKE IT TO HEART.

There's many trouble
Would break like bubble,
And into the waters of Lethe depart,
Did not we rehearse it,
And tenderly nurse it,
And give it a permanent place in the heart
There's many a sorrow
Would vanish tomorrow,
Were we not unwilling to furnish the wings,
So sadly intrudng,
And quietly brooding,
1t matches out all sorts of horrible things.
How welcome the seeming
Oflooks that are beaming,
Whether ones wealthy or whether ones poor;
Eyes bright as q berry,
Checks red as cherry,
The groan and the curse and the heartache can cur
Resolved to be merry,
All worry to ferry
Across the famed waters that bid us forget,
And no longer fearful,
But happy and cheerful,
We feel life has much that's worth living for yet
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
A Waffle Bakery on Wheels.

The Lancaster (Pa.) Express says
" Considerable attention was attracted by
the appearance upon our streets this morn
ing of an immense yellow Wagon, with two
heavy, well-kept horses, with bells upon
their necks. The wagon is as large as
some houses, is nicely painted, and weighs
with its contents) $500 pounds, On each
side are the einscriptions-at different places
=" Waffle Bakery" "Veni, vidi, vici,"
and "a. Present" Mr.. Present is the pro-
prietOr, and has two daughters and two
sons along with him. They left Cleveland,
Ohio, four weeks ago, baking waffles and
selling them as they passed through the
towns and villages. They are on their way
to the Centennial, and will remain here a
few days, during which they will have the
wagon revarnished and touched up" gen
orally. All the material for baking is in
the inside of the huge wagon, and the
smoke issues from the stove through {
neatly constructed pipe running through
the roof. Everything is neat and cleanly
A young lady sits in the rear part of th'
wagon, and, as the steaming waffles ar
taken from the oven, hands them on
through glass sliding-door to the custo
mers. They "opened business this morn
ing on East King street near the square
and we waited half an hour for "our turn
to be waited upon. We invested our las
nickel-got two waffies-divided ther
among half dozen hungry newspaper mer
and oil agreed they had never tasted MOI
delicious waffies.'
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
characteristics Of the Average Ameri-
can Boy.

If there are any loose straw, chips, sticks,
old barrels or boxes anywhere within his
reach, and he can get q match, he will
make what he calls burnfre," and stand
around it and hold his hands before it
until he gets smoked all over.
If there is a pond or puddle of muddy
water anywhere about he will take off his
shoes and stockings, roll up his clean white
pants and either wade in or get dirty |
board or plank and push himself about |
until face, hands and clothes are one uni
form dirt color from top to toe.
He will go over any fence or wall or
through any tangled thicket of briars,
thorns or brushwood regardless of the
strength of his trousers, even when it
would be quite as handy to go around by
the proper path.
He will plunge into any muddy ditch or
swamp after a mud-turtle or minnow, and
then, after carrying it about awhile, will
throw his prize away.
He will climb any ladder, pole, scaffold
or tree, with no understandable reason ex-
cept to get where he knows he ought not
to be, and with the sure result of getting
into danger.
When his kite lodges in tree Or on a
telegraph wire he will try to get it down
} by throwing stones and sticks at it until
the kite is broken all to pieces, and will
} spend as much time and energy in this vain
7 pursuit as would serve to make dozen
, kites.
5 He will trudge through the snow anc
7 slush in preference to walking on per
' fectly clean path or pavement
p He will spend hours in throwing club
+ and stones to knock candles from tn
= catalpa tree, to knock beans " from tn
K locust tree, to knock switches from th
n ailanthus tree. and to knock button-balls
h from the buttonwood tree; and then whe
y he has got them and got his clothes in di
d order he will gather up his candles,
n "switches" or "button balls" and imm'
Is diately find he don't want them and Civ
Of them away to some other boy who don
1T want them either.
es He will make a racket and noise witt
IN out any possible reason for it except IL
I'd fun of making a noise.
gs Finally, he will get his clothes dirty,
"a his fingers cut, or his shins or head bruise
ms if there is any show or chance for eth
I'd within mile.
n, Wherein the average American boy di
Ou fers from the American girl: This I'D
k, ferentiation is problem for the "evol
tionists to solve.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
VOLUME XXI.--N0. so.
A NEW LITANY.

From all the dread and all the fear,
OF those who watch with eye and ear,
Their neighbOrs' faults TO sea and hear,
Good Lord, deliver us!
From all the pOmp and pride innate
OF little men who think they're great
While fools around them fawning wait,
Good Lord, deliver us!
From all the love and hate of those
Who go around with turned-up nose,
Whose only merit is their clothes,
Good Lord, deliver us!
Prom all the girls that walk the street
With Grecian bend and cramped-up feet,
And think they are so very neat,
Good Lord, deliver us!
From every fop with staggering gait
Who struts about with head elate,
As though the world did on him wait,
Good Lord, deliver us!
Prom every one who will pretend
To be a firm and faithful friend,
That he may gain some selfish end,
Good Lord, deliver us!
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

In Chicago, last week, a newspaper
carrier named Anthony Gehring, after de-
livering his papers, went to his mothers
house, and there dropped his bank book
containing a note requesting decent
burial and pardon for what he was about
to do. He then went home, shot his wife
dead, and committed suicide. The couple
had been married about eight months.
Gehring was violent in temper and very
Jealous of his wife.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

I-EG OF MUrros RoAsrED.-Wash and
wipe theleg, lay it in dripping-pan, season
with pepper and salt and dust with -four,
put teacupful of water in the pan, and
roast two hours in a hot oven take out
the leg, thicken the gravy with Drowned
four, add boiling water, boil up, put few
spoonfuls over the meat and serve the re-
mainder in sauce-boat. Currant jelly
should always accompany roast mutton.
Basic the lsg frequently while roasting.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

The German Republican Club of Wash
ington last week, issued an address to the
German Radicals and Republicans of the
Union, for a call Of. a German Republican
Convention to meet in Cincinnati on the
10th of June. The object of the Conven-
ton is to make known their wishes to the
Republican Nominating Convention.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

PICKLE RAIsING.-Ten farmers residing
in and near Salem, IN. .J.) have determined
to plant each one acre of land for pickles
in conformity to an agreement with New
York parties, who have been importing
largely articles which can be raised at
home. The New Workers have agreed to
take all the white onions of certain size
at $3.50 per bushel, and all the caulifower
at 10 cents per head.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

An elderly Wicklow maiden, who had
suffered some disappointment, thus defines
the human race: Mana conglomerate
mass of hair, tobacco smoke, confusion,
conceit and boots. Woman-the waiter,
perforce, on the aforesaid animal.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

For mending valuable glass objects which
would be disfgured by common cement,
chrome cement may be used. This is q
mixture Of five parts gelatin to one OF a
salution Of acid chromate Of lime. The
broken edges are covered with this, pressed
together, and exposed to sunlight, the
effect of the latter being to render the
compound insoluble even in boiling water
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A Trenton editor makes the statement,
for the good of correspondents, that they
need not commence their communications,
" I take my pen in hand" as he don't care
whether they write with their toes or with
the pen in their mouth, so they send the
news
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A Southern paper says that when the
revenue detectives boarded a steamer direct
from Cuba the other day, the captain invi-
ted them below to dine, and while he was
saying very lengthy grace the crew put
ashore lot of smuggled cigars.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

THEATRICAL MANAGERS SUIcIDE.-Peter
E. Abel, q welLknown citizen of Philadel-
phia, and for some years manager of the
ChestnutStree Theatre, committed suicide
by jumping from Girard Avenue Bridge
into the Schuylkill river, last Thursday.
A letter was found in his coat pocket stating
that poverty led to the deed.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A fashion chronicler says: "Old lace IS
more fashionable and more worn than
new." Old clothes are more "worn than
new, too, and it is hoped the time
will soon come when they will be moro
shionable.-NomiStoecn Herald.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A Wisconsin editor illustrates the pre-
vailing extravaganza of the people of the
present day by calling attention to the
costly baby carriages in use now, while,
when he was baby, they hauled him
around by the hair of the head.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

DR.. Hall says that people sometimes take
cold through their ears. This explains
why a Milwaukee man always stuffs his
ears up with horse blankets and buffalo
robes in damp weather. Chicago Times.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A subscription paper was lately circulated
with the following object in view: awe
subscribe and pay the amount set against
our names for the purpose of paying the
organist and boy to blow the samer
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

An Irish agricultural journal advertises
new washing machine under the heading
j." Every man his own washer-woman," and
in its culinary department says that "pota-
toes should always be boiled in cold water.'
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
AFTERNOON, MAY 10, 1876.

After one of our noted London infdels
had concluded one of his infdel lectures in
a village in the north of England, he chal-
lenged those present to a discussion. Who
should accept the challenge but an old,
bent woman, in most antiquated attire,
who went up to the lecturer and said: "Sir,
l have question to put to YOU" "Well,
my good woman, what is it?" "Ten years
ago." she said, l was left widow, with
eight children totally unprovided for, and
nothing to call my own but this Bible. By
its direction and looking to God for strength,
l have been enabled to feed myself and
family. am now tottering to the grave /;
but I am perfectly happy, because 1 look
forward to life of Immortality with Jesus
in heaven. That's what my religion has
done for me. What has your way of think
ing done for you?" "Well, my good lady,
rejoined the lecturer, " don't want to dis
turb your comfort, but" ooh! that's
not the question:" interposed the woman
"keep to the point, sir. What has YOU
way of thinking done for you?" The inf
del endeavored to shirk the matter again
the feeling of the meeting found vent il
uproarious applause, and the skeptic lee
turer had to go away discomfted by an oil
Christian woman.-Gospel Trumpet.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

In Nevada, when building falls and
kills two or three people, the jury first
hunt up the contractor and hang him, and
then bring in a verdict that nobody is to
blame but the contractor, who cannot be
found
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A woman is imbued with feeling Of JOY
and kindness second only to that of the
angels, but she can never wash out a pair of
mems cashmere pants and have them set as
we'll as they did before-Falton Times. No;
nor as we'll as they did behind, either
Hicksbiwq Herald.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A Minnesota lady, in taking her morning
cape lately, put her jaw out of joint, and it
was two days before the doctor could get it
in place again. Her husband says he hasn't
had such a vacation since his married life
began.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

The New York Express says that a lady
of that State, now on visit to Europe, has
left two pet dogs in charge of dog doc
tress, for the keeping of which she is stopay
5000 annually, and provide a carriage once
month in which the dogs are to take
ride.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A shrewd old Yankee said he didn't
believe there was any downright cure for
laziness in q man. "But," he added, I've
known a second wife to hurry it some."
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

If we may believe the Western papers,
when the land is tickled with hoe it
laughs with potato bugs.-N. Y. Herald.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

Signor Blitz had a bright little fellow on
the stand to assist him IN the "experi-
ments." "Sir," said the signor, edo you
think I could put the coins which that lady
holds into your coat poclket?" "No," said
the boy, confidently. "Think not?" 81
know you couldn't" said the little fellow,
with great firmness. "Why not ?" "Cause
the pocket is all torn out"
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

The fashion calls for pants so wide that a
young man is afraid to go up stairs ahead of
a lady now, or climb a telegraph pole
either
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

There's no special style of engraving
engagement rings. A spiders web with
fly in it is very pretty device.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10
WHOLE NO. 1903.

A Commission, appointed by the Califor-
mia Senate, to investigate the Chinese
question, is taking testimony at Sacramento.
A policeman testified that he had witnessed
sale of Chinese woman for $3.50, and the
woman, not liking the man who bought
her committed suicide soon after. Chinese
had informed him that they attended the
mission schools only to learn English and
"laughed at the idea of becoming Chris
tians." Charles T. Jones, District Attorney
for Sacramento, told how the Chinese COM
panies compromise felonies, abduct women,
and do other unlawful things.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

Hon. jeremiah S. Black has written
letter to the PitsbaTg Post, to say that he is
not candidate for the Presidency.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

A New TEsT.--Aunt lin alarm. -" Surely
you've eaten enough, haven't you,
Tommy ~ Tommy Tin doubt. y" F-fffeel
,,,a
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

Mr.. George w. Curtis has written letter
in favor of pensioning common school
teachers, in which he says: Teaching in
the public schools is as essential a part of
the public service as the discharge of duty
in the army and navy, and the faithful
servant in one branch is entitled to the
same consideration as his fellow-servant in
another@ The pension would make teach
ing an assured career, and constantly attract
to it the best teaching talent in the country
and the efficiency and value of the schools
would be promoted just in the degree that
teaching ceased to be temporary resource,
as it now so often is. The best service in
any public department is always the
cheapest, and the advantage that the State
would purchase by this little outlay would
be inestimable. l cannot help thinking
that the proposition must command the
warm sympathy and support of the more
intelligent friends of the common schools
and with all my heart wish it success.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

An Irishman once ordered a painter to
draw his picture and to represent him stand
ing behind tree.
Ekonomy don't konsist in saving indis-
kriminately, but in saving judiciously.--
Josh Billings.
1t is difficult to tell how much fish will
weigh by looking at the scales.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

FLOWERS AT FUNERALs.-It is but natural
that flowers should be strewn upon the
forms of the dead. The custom is as
ancient almost as death itself, and as ex-
pressions of affection these floral tributes
are commendable. 1t is not so when
funerals become pompous parades, and
when flowers are used less to adorn the
peaceful dead than to minister to the
vanity of the living Wildernesses of
flowers are now seen at fashionable funerals
and thousands of dollars are spent at the
florists shop for single interment. This
extravaganza is unhealthy and in some
respects unpleasant. 1t creates spirit OF
rivalry among those persons who imagine
that the number of carriages at burial
indicates the respectability of the deceased
and sometimes leads to vulgar display. We
have read Of coffin which was recently
taken through the streets covered with
artificial howers-paper mockeries invented
by pretended grief.-N y. Herald.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

Acres of huckleberries are found in some
portions Of Florida, and they are regular
feeding grounds for bears, coons, opossoms
and birds.
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

The late Miss Charlotte Cushman's will
was admitted to probate at Newport on
Monday. The estate is left to three trus.
tees, who are given full power and discre-
ton in its management. The income is to
be applied in the payment of annuities of
various amounts to relatives and friends.
A brother, Charles A: Cushman, receives
81, 500 year during life; two nieces in
England, $3.50 each, which is to be increased
to $1,000 upon marriage; three half-nieces
in New York, $333.33 each; Mrs. Isabella
Weld, half-sister, S. per week; Emma
Stebbins, the sculptress, $l,500 a year
Harriet and Helen Viger of London, $3.50
year each; Sallie Mercer, colored servant
$500 a year and free rent of house in
Philadelphia. The house at Newport is tC
be kept for the use of Miss Stebbins, SalliC
Mercer, and the family of E. c. Cushman
After paying the annuities mentioned il
the will, the remaining net income is to b'
paid to Miss Cushman's nephew, Mr.. Edwin
C. Cushman, and his children. In case MI
Cushman should die childless, he is author
lied to dispose of the estate by will. Th
trustees named in the will are Mr.. Waymal
Crow, Mr.. Edwin G.. Cushman, and MI
William A. Hargadine, all Of st. Louis, Mo
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

Secretary Bristow, when he was a colonel
in the army during the war, called on Presi-
dent Lincoln in Washington, who received
him cordially and said: Il know you very
well, Colonel-Benjamin Helm Bristow.
Your uncle, Benjamin Helm, Clerk of the
Hardin County Court, was one of the best
friends l had when was boy. He used
to take good deal of trouble to explain
things in the Office to me, and show me
how business was done, and was very kind
otherwise. Once, when l came to town
barefooted, he took me to a store and gave
me pair of shoes, and he was my good
friend always in those days"
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

a Previous UNDERsTANDING.-An night or
two since, chap about thirty five years old,
looking as if he had crawled out of a cave
to commence life anew, entered one of the
hotels in this city, and waiting at the
counter until the clerk was at liberty, he
asked:
ais this a hotel?'
ayes, sir" was the reply.
"Good living, good beds, and the most
courteous attention?'
eyes, SIR"
"Well," said the stranger, after a long
look at a railroad time table, " | suppose
you don't trust ~
"No, sir.'
Wouldn't let man stay here four or
five days until something turned up?"
"No, SIR"
"That's what l wanted to know.
always like to have previous understanding
about such things, for if anything makes
me mad it is to have great big hotel clerk
Jump in on me and kick me down stairs on
account of my straightened finances"
You'd better find some other place,
suggested the clerk.
"Oh, l SHALL" replied the stranger
"The outside of this hotel seemed to smile
a welcome at me, but, as said before, my
present policy is to get along without being
kicked. I've got mental feelings as wei
as anybody else, and I'm getting so worl
down in flesh that mere common granC
bounce from healthy hotel clerk upsets M
for whole day. Farewell, young man
Don't bile any extra 'taters for mel ~
Smyrna times., 1876-05-10

The following anecdote is told of the
Pope by correspondent of the Cincinnati
Gazette: "Some ladies recently visited him,
one of them taking with her her little girl,
to whom the Pope paid considerable atten-
ton, and, after questioning her as to her
name and surname, asked: Do you go to
school, my little one ?" /" Yes, Your Holi-
ness" "And do you study geography ?'
Your Holiness, l do" "Can you tell me
what is Rome2' "Rome is the capital of
ITALY," "No, my child, they have not
taught you correctly. Rome is the capital
of the whole Catholic world" Those who
heard this conversation say that the Pope
did not express the least bitterness"