The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-04-20
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

from Florida. ~ 81
Not always identical-men of proper
u and men of prObity. -
"A South Chicago girl says that no
girl of spirit will compromise her i'm
fuence by taking advantage Of Leap
Year. ,
"A New York doctor advertises that
he can make people lean; hut tlIfs isn't
what is wanted. People want straighten-,
Ing up. &.t3<E + ! :
Don't flatter yourself that spring bon.
nets are birdless from q merciful desire to
save the lives of birds. The times called
for cheaper ornaments.
Mr.. Bower, of Kentucky, is 1O2 wears
old. As his wife is dead, he is the left
Bower, and Death will soon order him up.
May he prove . good trump!-Norristoson
Herald.
"A lazy fellow falling q distance of
fifty feet and escaping with only q few
scratches, bystander remarked that he
was "too slow to fall fast enough to hurt
himself"
An Illinois farmers wife "declares
to goodness that after all the pamphlets
which have been written about egg-laying,
she can't see that the hens take hold and
do a bit better than they used to twenty
years ago.
1T was New York mans wife who.
when her husband didn't show spirit
enough to suit her in street-car difficult
ty, remarked, scornfully, that she was
rich woman-she owned so much stock in
pacific male.
The laws In Utah are very accommo-
dating to murderers in one respect. A
man condemned to death is allowed to
choose between the bullet and rope: and
most of them, with an idea that the former
lie in some sense soldierly death, prefer
it.
Again has the art of photographing
colors been discovered, and this time, it is
affirmed, successfully. A photographer
in Lyons, France, is the fortunate discov-
erer, and if he can make his performance
equal his promise, his fortune is made and
his fame assured.
I'VE hear of Washington lady who
appeared in company in calico dress
the other evening. She supposed every
body would shed tears over her goodness
and economy; but instead everybody
looked grieved ana said: "GOod gracious!
what's your husband been doing ?"-Roch-
ester Democrat.
DIR. Hall says many persons have
brought on serious sickness by holding on
to the knob of the front door while stand
ing in draft, and speaking last words'
to friends. But he doesn't caution those
who hold on to lamp-posts at midnight,
holding maudlin conversations with imag-
mary friends.
Mormon boys living around Salt
Lake, at the head of Weber River, have a
novel way of skating without exert;On.
They take width of calico, tie two cor
ners to the toes of their skates, and, hold
ing on to the two opposite corners, the
wind fills the sail, and the lazy boys are
driven over the ice at q lively rate Of
speed.
A rural female beauty alighted from
the stage coach in front Of the American
Hotel the other day, when piece Of rib
bon detached itself from her bonnet, and
fell into the bottom of the carriage. i" You
have left your bow behind" said lady
passenger. mo I amt; he's gone fish
ing" innocently replied rustic. -Glens
Falls Republican.
-Simpkins rang the servants bell vio-
lently few mornings since, and called
Bridget to explain why the hot water for
shaving had not been brought early, as he
had ordered. "Shure, sir, didn't bring
it up and lave it at the door last night, 80
that you could lave it in good time. "
Sippkins did not talk back, but took a
cold water shave that morning.
We have had an offer of contributions
from one or two poets, or "poem- writer's, -
Is one perhaps better expresses it. To
this higher class of composers, we would
say: Unfortunately, we are no critic OF
verse. But we have triend-a shoe.
maker-who is an adept in that line, and
anything he will approve we shall be glad
TO publish.-1hs Cherokee Indian Terri
tosy) Organ.
What constitutes the genuine frontier
costume? The outskirts of civilization.
Why is a young lady like bill of ex-
when she arrives at maturity.-Bostoa
Globe Great hevings! And why is the
Boston Globe like a bird with the hydro
phobia! Because it's ravin' mad. And
why is it like what men with colds said
over the new Secretary's appointment
Daft, by thunder!''-St. Louis Republi-
can.
-Recentlya Missouri schoolmistress at
tempted to whip. big boy after school
when he threw his arms about her and
kissed her and got off without a licking.
Another boy in another town read this
item and thought he'd try the Same thing.
He threw his arms about the schoOlma am
and kissed her, and then.he became aware
Of an earthquake. She foored him and
threshed him awfully. This schoolma am
had q grown-up beau Of her own; that
was the difference.
-" Yes, my DEAR" remarked Spilkins,
over his walnuts and wine, 1--WE must re.
trench the household expenses some.
where. Now, don't you think it would
be good idea for you to send away your
upstairs girl, and help the cook do the
washing for month or two?" Mrs. Spill.
kins burst into tears and murmured some
thing about . "new bonnet for Easter, ="
while the economical Leander lit a TWEEN
ty-five center, and rose from the table with
the easy grace Of a Sardanapalus.-N. T.
Commercial! Aduertiser.
Yesterday sentimental German went
into Monroe avenue pawnbroker's of.
fee, and wanted to pledge an old tin oil.
can. Three Balls said he didn't take any
such pledges. II brings dot gan from
Sharmany ober," said the Teuton. mo
good to me-" said the pawnbroker. 1T
fsh a good gan; I use him all der vile"
Cant help that" A tear ran down the
Dutchman's cheek; he held the tin meas.
ure off at arms length, and thus apostro-
phized it with husky voice: "You old
oil-ganl dwendy- eight years in Daytrois,
and not wort Won cent."-Dstroit (Aich.)
Nsus.
A Promising Student.
"You have read sufficiently long
Charles" said an elderly physician Of
my acquaintance to his student, "a youth
who had been studying medicine some
two years,) "to commence visiting thu
sickl will take you along with me this
morning, and you will have an opportu
nifty of seeing rs we'll as reading Of tn.
many changes in disease we have to watct
with an eye of much scrutiny and dis
elimination. in order to enable us more
correctly to Judge the character and treat
ment Of various cases than we could pos
sibly learn from reading all the book!
ever published ON the science" Ani
sure nOugh. off went preceptOr and pupi