, 1876-09-17

ties of .Hr. and Mrs. Pepper Pods and .Mr and
Hrs Olenna are set forth in three acts, marked
by merry situations.
| HUM0R.
Elderly people never Jest or chaff in France
It is considered there bad In age.
t. What is the difference between clond aud
a beaten child! One pours with rain and the
other roars with pain
Since the advent Of the panic the copsumo-
I ton Of coffee has fallen oil. This is because Ut
the difficulty of making it settle.
"You want nothing, do your, said Pat.
ssBcdad, an II it's nothing ye want, yell find it
in the jug, where the whisky was.'
Call the next baby Elaine, after Tcnnyson's
heroine. Then, when she is cross, call her the
Aadelaine.-St. Louis Glote -Dcnaocrat,
A COW ate up an artists box Of paints last
week at the Delaware Watcr-Gap. There is
more Watcr-color drawing about 1le milk than
| ever.
4 Vermont youth at his mothers funeral said
| to the ncighDors: "Me ami my father arc
obliged to you all, and hope soon to be able to do
as much for you"
Distinguished foreigner latter a 1apsee
s'These Centennlals-aw-a1c vewy encuuwas-
ing to the wepublic should thlnk-aw. DO
| they occur Ofteu!'
! 4 boy who will yell Ikea Tart<r if drop
| Of water gets On his shirt-band wDen his necs
| is washed, can crawl through sewer after q
ball and think nothing Of it.
It is only human nature, after ali, that in tell
ing story, man lies twice as much where he
dates it back 10 years where he goes back only
one or two.-Detro1 free Press
A boy has written composition on the tur>
tie, in which he says: "a turtle Is not so fri5ky
as man, but be can stand hot coal On his
back longer without squaling.''
When the State. solliery Of Louisiana go into
camp and evince too much fondness for adiaccnt
hen-roosts, the neIghbors call it an instance Of
miltia's miscnef.--1eS York Consnsreial.
A lawyer at the bar was held to be in con-
| tempt Tor simply making motion in court. 1t
| was ascertaincd, however, that LIE ma le mo-
| tion to throw the inkstaud at the head Of the
| court.
The meanest man on the street nowadays IS
! the one. that is seen hanging around q band OF
strcet-musicians, near enough to hear the music,
but far enough away to avoid the hat-Nors;A
! Bulietih-
Unquestionably Noah exercised his best judg-
ment when he stocked the Ark; but humanity
will never cease running its fingers through its
hair and wonder why he imported bcdbug seed.
Did it ever occur to you that, If there was no
letter w in the alphabet, it would be impossible
to write wells swell, }" with the " of would be
an ell of a word, and would sound too pro-
fanely.-Norristown Herald
"Pa,' said little Jimmie, II was very near
getting to the headof ~ cia-s to-dayi" "How
is that, my soma" "Why, zig word came all
spelt it., would have gone clear up"
IT don't see how you can have been working
all day Like q horse,'' exclaimed the wife Of !
lawycr,-her husband having declared he bad
been thus working. swell, my dear" he 70
piled, 'l've.been drawing q conveyance al day,
anyhow-''
AS the rain falls impartially on the just and
the unjust, SO the paie moonbeams, that lend
inspiration to the lovers VOWS, creep through
the cracks in q hen-house and show the mid
night naturalist where the best pullet IS roossr
fug.-Fulton Times.
4 Aglt-edged and superdne young man stepped
into barber's shop the other day to get
shaved The knight Of the razor eyed him quiz
zleally for moment and then remarked:
SYon must either take down that shirtecol1sr.
Or wait for q shave It'll can borrow a step
ladder"
~ may not be wealthy" said Potter, '"I may
not be endowed with superduity of this worlds
goods. but glory in that priceless jewel, ny
honestly and he called the man after = hurried
examination OF the bill, and handed him back
the counterfeit he had dropped.-lSeo 0rsaans
Bulletin.
"leave the table and go to your room, str,"'
exclaimed Burlington parent to his incoTgf-
BILE son, :. aud I'll come up aud attend to your
case after supper" '.Father," replied tho
Youthful Tildenite, "it is absurd to liz date
without making the necessary preparations
burlington Rdrkeye.
A lady, in describing to an irreverent boy IN
occurrence in which his father figured, closed BY
remarHng, II am sorry to say that the thing
ended By your fathers losing his temper.
Did father lose his temper!" exclaimed the
young scapcgrace; "then hope he'll never hDd
In f.,rif 7 our
heard off,
the extreme end OF the bench where the sun
struck with full force nearly all the afternoon.
what business he'd like to follow when he grew
up to be man. Well,':' said the lad, Pop
wants me to be lawyer: but guess ii I've gos
to sit in the sun all my life, Id rather drive IN
Ice cart."-1ndresos' Boar.
An 1rishrnan's friend having fallen into
slough, the lrishman called loudly to 2notherfos
assistance The latter, who was busily engaged
IN 1g cutting log, and wished to procrastln'an1'
bis deep is the hgs Il nent1 o
time" said the other. NO, there is not7"re-
joined the first; II forgot to tell Jou he's IN
4 rev days ago strangerto one Of our hotes
asked Tor napkin at dinner. The landford11e
fused I, to give him one Butt said the guest
hat man the Other table has one o hsee
from the Centennial. aud hare to pancer 70
him for day or so; but it won't be long be1oie
be will be wiping his mouth on the table-clotn
anu cleaning his nails with fork, like the Iess
OF the gentlemen. No, stranger, we don't ALLOW
any style here as regular thing, but we ca9.1
help ourselves sometimes. San xt,totsio Hs7dFa"
Why" asked q pcnsiTe-looking stranger
contemplating the Division-street i'm proyemeot,
Of brisk young: Burlington man, why DO thsy M
brisk ,. N. Of B., :. the s council asrads to tho
change" And his 1.-THE form went booblns
down the hillside like bright mote in the sun
shine, bit Of CHEEKY life, q CLINT Of heavenly
color upon the sterile landscape; while the pen'
sire stranger clasped his hands across his dump
llng-depot, and wished that Heaven had n'ade
him aye and always young: What no, withoa.