The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-12-16
VARIETY.

stf - VARIETY.
EHE PRACTICAL FoRTUNE-TFLLER.-The man who
pays out money at bank.
''P Pa said little fellow to his unshayen
father your chin looks like the wheel in the
musc-box. :" -
% You never saw my hands as dirty as that, )"
said a petulant mother to her little girl. ' No,
but your ma did, I'll bet,' was the reply.
An exchange editor who was evidently brought
up under good grandmother, with daily associ
atoms with pumpkin pies, exclaimed &c The
pumpkin-pie season is again breaking upon the
nation in full-orbed and transcendent glory"
AldricI says ss AS wild the winds that tear
the eurIed red leaf in the air, is the song that
Ihave never sung" And an English journal
says sc The man who knows song like that,
and nobIy forbears to sing it, is credidit to any
country
PROFEssoR.-ssT The ancient Egyptians in
the habit of sacrificing red-headed girls to the
devils" Auburn-haired student What did
they do with the red-headed boys?'' Professor
" They supposed they would 60 of their own
accord
Canon Tristram, in recent speech, quoted a
saying of John Wesley. Some one once said to
him, % All, Mr.. Wesley, God has no need of any
mans learning;'' to which he replied, 's No,
my friend, and lie has far less need of your ig
nOrance."
The dramatic critic of the New York Tribune
says that the acting of q certain new man at
Daly's Theater s'impTesses by repose, spontaneous
precision, and certain quality. called develop
ment, which leads one to inquire whether SO spon
taneous precision is the same thing at precise
montaneity.
The first step toward making man of your
son is to train him to earn what he spends then
the best way to teach him to be frugal is to take
away his money as fast as he earns it, and spend
III ia raOfE1 tI-a
teaching the young by example, Burlington
HGl0keye.
Years ago, when q painter wanted to depict
wholesale anguish he went for inspiration to the
place where criminals were tortured to death; but
now finds better and more convenient subject in
the young man in the front seat at the theater
whose tall collar has became unbuttoned be-
bind-!S. Louis Republican.
This is the season for fall fashions. Ii is also
the season when the married man rashly ventures
to doubt the statement that n soutche should be
laid on only IN hair lines, bias, aud subsequently
goes out into the wood-shed to sit down and
think what good time he used to have when he
was single.-Norwich Bulletin.
How much will your new school books cost,
Johnny ?'' says father. Johnny calculates to
himself. sOfEo u0ce: sc Lemme see 62 cents
for the singing book, IS cents for new 'rithmic,
81 25 for a new geography, 25 cents for hockey,
half dollar for q new bat, and quarter for can
dy." Then out loud says '''Bout four dollars,
pa"
DoN'r WANT sc EMPLOYMENT. "A needy Radi-
cal calls his representative in the Assembly to
endeayor to obtain some government employment.
The member proceeds to write q letter of intro
duction ''This will introduce Mr.. Smith, who
desires employment--'' '' Hold on,'' cries the
constituent 80 hold on! 1t isn't employment
want-it's q government berth IN O.sBul
letin.
d
abouts, there went the rounds of the press the
following lines:
twice hundred years. the Bear,
The Crescent will assan;
IL the Cock and Bull unite,
The Bear viii prevail.
In twice years again. Il
Let Islam know and fear,
The Cross shall stand, the Crescent wane,
Dissolve, and disappear"
They constituted an old monkish prophecy of
the fifteenth century, it was said, and were rather
remarkable if truly so old, in view of the circum-
stances of Turkeys somewhat narrow escape
from the hug of the Northern Bruin in the close
ing struggle in the Crimea The rising temper
,of the same Bear may soon render them more
noteworthy still.
The Rev. Mr.. Spooner (tenderly to eligible
widow)-ss How beautifully emblematic is this OF
the relations of man and wife. See how the
graceful ivy, womanlike, clings for support to
the stalwafL oak An, dear maoanl, husoaiAu
fond protection--.'' Widow And sup
posn' the hoax is too little and the Hwy too big
what then, Mr.. Spooner ?''
DrDN'T LIKE THAT ELBowING-Awful Gard
iner'' was once q wellknown pugilist and sport
ing character in New York. On one occasion he
went to Newark with ''select party to give
sparring exhibition. The negro who had charge
of the hall where the show was to take place
was of gigantic statue, and one of the party
wagered a bottle of wine that 'tAwful Gardiner
could not knock the negro down with his fist.
They all waited in the hall for the coming of the
sable janitor with lights. He approached with
candle shaded in his hands, and, as he came
within arms reach, the 'sAwful'' measured him.
and struck square from the shoulder The negro
hardly WINGED. He simply turned his head
round towards the pugilist and SAID ssGem-
men, please be little car full oh yer elbows