Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1876-06-01
Helena, Montana, Thursday, June 1, 1876.

thrive in the North, except the gourd and one
or two varieties of the squash. But the custom
of planting it in the front yard with the
shrubbery is fast going out Of vogue, TOR 1t IS
now generally conceded that the pumpkin as
a shade tree is failure.
"Now. as the warm weather approaches,
and the ganders begin to spawn
The excited listener sprang toward me 70
shake hands and said
"There. thcre-that will 90. l Know
am all right now because you nave READ IL
lust as did word for word. But, Stranger
when first read it this morning, sa.d 10
myself, | never, never believed IL peiole'
Notwithstanding my friends kept me qhoel
watch so strict, But now | believe l am
cr0zv: and with that fetched howl that
YOU might have heard two miles, and started
out to Kill somebOdy-because, you know,
[ knew it would come to that sooner or later,
and so might as well begin. l read one OF
them paragraphs over and over again SO as
to he certain. and then | burned my house
down and started. | have crippled several
people, and have cot one fellow up tree,
where can get him if | want him. But
thought would call in here as passed along
and make the thing perfectly certain, ana
now it is certain, and tell you it is lucky
for the chap that is in the tree. l should
have killed him sure as went back. Good
bv, sir; good-by You have taken great
load off my mind. My reason has stood the
strain of one of your agricultural articles,
and | know that nothing can ever unseat 1t
now. Good-by, SIR
| felt a little uncomfortable about the Grip
plings and arson this person had been enter
tanning himself With, for | could not help
feeling remotely accessory to them But the
thought was quickly banished, for the regu-
lar editor walked jn thought to myself
now, if you had gone to Egypt, as had re-
commended you to, / might have chad
chance to get my hand in; but you wouldn't
do it, and here you are. sort OF expected
you.
The editor was looking sad, perp!exed and
detected. -,
He surveyed the wreck which that old mo-
ter and these two young farmers had made
and then said ''This is sad business
very sad business. There is the muc'lage
bottle broken, and six panes OF glass, ana
| spittoon and two candle-s:icks. But that Is
not the worst. The reputation Of the paper
is in njured-permanently, tear. 1roe' thefe
never was such call for the paper before,
and it never sold such large edition or soar
ed to such celebrity, but does one want to be
| famous for lunacy, and prosper upon the IN
tirmities of his mind? My friend, as l am
an honest man, the street out here is full OF
people, and others are rOosting on the tence,
waiting to get glimpse Of you, because they
| think YOU are crazy. And well they might
after reading your editorials. They are a
| disgrace to journalism. Why, what put it
into your head that you could edit paper OF
this nature? You do not seem to know the
first rudlments of agriculture. You speak OF
a furrow and a harrow as being the same
thing; you talk OF the moulting season for
cows, and you recommend the domestlca-
ton of the polecat on account OF its playful
ness and its excellence as ratter. You re-
mark that clans will lie quiet if music be
supertluous Nothing djsturbs CLANS. CLAIMS
alacnys lie quiet CLAIMS care nothing what
ever about music And heavens and earth,
friend! If you had made the acquiring OF
ignorance the study Of your life, you could
not have graduated with higher honor than
YOU could to-day. | never saw anything
like it. Your observation of the horse-chestnut
as an article of commerce steadily gaining IN
favor is simply calculated to destroy this
journal. want you to throw up your situa-
lion and 60. l want no more holiday
could not enjoy it if had it, Certainly not
with YOU in my chair. | would always stand
in dread of what you might be gong to re-
commend next. 1t makes me loose all pa
tience every time think Of your discussing
oyster-beds under the head of Landscape
Gardening" want you to go. Nothing on
earth could persuade me to take another
holiday. Oh! why didn't you tell me you
didn't know anything about agriculture 7"
''Tell you, you cornstalk, you cabbage
you son of caulifower! It's the first time
ever heard such an unfeeling remark. tell
you have been in the editorial business
going on fourteen years, and it is the trs
time l ever heard of mans having to know
anything in order to edit a newspaper. You
, turnip Who write the dramatic critioues fol
the second-rate players? Why, parcel o1
promoted shoemakers and apprentice apothe
| carries, who know just as much about goo(
acting as do about good farming, and NJ
more. Who review the books? People wht
never wrote one. Who do up the heavy
leaders on finance? Parties who have th'
largest opportunities for knowing nothin!
| about it. Who crticise the Indian cam
pagns Gentlemen who do not know war
2 whoop from a wigwam, and who neve
2 have had to run foot-race with tomahawl
or pluck arrows out of the several member
of their families to build the evening camp
fire with. Who write the temperance ap
2 peal, and clamor about the flowing bowls
: Folks who will never draw another sobe
A breath till they do it in the grave. VIII
5 ed's the agricultural papers, you yam
Men, rs a general thing, who fail i
! the poetry line yellow covered novel line
II sensation drama line, city editor line
: and finally fall back on agriculture as
q temporary reprieve from the poor house
You try to tell me anything about the new!
5 paper business! Sir, have been through
f from Alpha to Omaha, and | tell you tn
: less man knows the bigger noise he make
q | and the hirhnr the salary he command