Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-03-10
Il U 0 r.

WORTH HER WEIGHT IN GoLD.-There
is servant girl living in family on How
ard street who wouldn't be permitted to
change places if $40 per week would be any
inducement to stay. She makes it her
special duty to meet all the agents and
beggars at the door, and to dispose of them
without the least annoyance to the family.
She has rule to meet each case, and her
rules are perfection. The door bell never
fools her. She can tell a callers ring from
a beggar's ring as certainly as the bell is
touched. When she opens the door and
finds man with red goatee, having a
clothes-wringer that beats all the other
wringers ever made. She gets a start by
saying:
"You seem like decent, respectable
man, and as a friend I warn you that the
owner of the house saw you come up the
steps, and he ran into the back yard to I'M
chain his Russian bloodhound"
The man with red goatee sings that
wringer over his shoulder and canters out
Of that neighborhood with his teeth on
edge, and cold chills playing tag up and
down his back.
The next may be young lady, who bold
ly inquiries for the lady of the house, and
has a new kind Of face powder to sell.
''You can go in,'' whispered the girl,
Sand will stand at the door so as to rush
in when you call. If the mistress asks you
to taste anything beware of poison. She
may not have her little revolver with her
this morning and guess it will be safe for
you to go imp
"Why-why?" stammered the young
lady,"
$50 right in; she may not be danger
Ous.''
''Never mindful call again-I'm in a
hurry"
And that settles that case.
The next is one Of those old chaps who
go about with tears in their eyes, willing
to work if work can be had, but never
finding any work their health will permit
them to do.
Madam" he says, as she opens the
door, 'for heavens sake let me W, TX at
something long enough to earn d slice of
bread.''
She motions for him to 60 around to the
side door. and is there to let him in. She
hands him an axe weighing seven pounds,
with straight handle, points to three or
four big knots, which have become almost
petri6ed, and softly says:
"You look hungry, and as soon as you
split them I'll give you the best meal you've
had in a month";"
She goes in, and he splits on his hands,
looks at that old axe, and then folds his
little tent and slips through the gate like
shadow OF fate.
Then the little girl who canvasses for
the orphan asylum rings the bell. She is
met with smile, and the hired girl says:
"You poor little thingl pity the orphans
and I'd like to give you some money. If
you will get the mayor to come and say that
it is all right l will give you three cents.
The little girl thoughtfully pursues her
way, and another case comes, is met and
disposed Of, and the mistress of that house
is never disturbed or annoyed.-Detroat
Free Press.
An aspiring young author sent very
bulky MS, containing the making Of four
or five ordinary novel volumes, to an editor
a short time since, with the modest request
that he would read it and make his CON-
ments thereon--in all, about Il fGrtnight's
hard work. He was afterwards to send
word to the Said young author what he
thought the MS. to be worth, and whether
he would use it. The editors reply as to
the worth of the MS. was -haifpence
per pound
A certain parson who is also school
teacher. handed a problem to his class in
mathematics the other day. The first boy
took it looked at it awhile, and said, Il
pass" Second boy took it and said, II
turn it down." The third boy stared at it
awhile and drawled out, 81 can't make it. :"
4'Very good, boys,' said the parson. 1--WE
will cut for new deal" And the switch
danced like lightning over the shoulders
of those deprayed young mathematicians.
Marshal Soult, once showing the picture
he stole In Spain, stopped before one and
remarked 81 value fhaS picture vey
much it saved the lives OF two eSimable
persons.'' An aid-de-camp .Wigpesed in
the listeners ear: .He- threatened to
nave them botI, sbeS Immediately unless
they gave itdp.a
A,Ady called upon her rGflliner the 9TH J
erslay to get the character OF her servant.
The respectable appearance OF the tateef
was beyond questioning. "But is she hon.
est, p, asked the lady. 81 am not SO GER
tain about that,'' replied the milliner, IL
have sent her to you with my bill a dozen
times and she has never yet given me the
money.
"How much do you ask for that there
velvet by the yard ?" said Mrs. Rural at
Stewards the other day. "1hat, madam
said the clerk, holding it up, $50, formerly
sold at sl4.'' Thought so," said Mrs.
Rural, snow where's them ls cent caiicoes
1 seed advertised in the papers?'
ssMaria,'' observed Mr. Halcomb, as he
was putting on his clothes, ''there amt No
match on them breeches yet" II can't fix
it now, no way; Pm too busy" "WeH,
give me the patch then, an I'll carry it
around with 1ae. don't want people to
think can't afford the CLOTH"
A country editor feeeiyed the following:
"Dear sir-I have looked carefully and pa
tiently over your paper for SIX monsths for
the death of some individual l was aer !
quainted with, but as yet not single soul
/ care anything about had dropped of you
W i'll please to have my name erased"
A poor fly, who, lured forth by the insid-