The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1876-06-29
Wit and HumOr

WHY is an old maid like a dried
orange? Because neither of them is
worth good squeeze.
We suppose there can be no disput-
ing the fact that the first ATlttic expedi-
ton was got up by Noah.
The crystalized kisses of young maid
ems if exposed for sale would be labelled
"iaSSes candy. Both Times.
How is it proved that Adam was ortho-
dox in his sentiments? Because his be-
lief was undoubtedly Eve-angelical.
TRUE love can no more be dimin-
ished by showers of evil-hap, than
flowers are married by timely rains
Sir p. Sidney.
A WESTERN editor having published
a long leader on hogs, rival paper IN
the same village upbraids him for pro-
truding his family matter upon the pub
lie.
EMERSON said in a recent lecture, in
Boston, that the art of writing was the
greatest permitted to man. We sup
pose this is the reason why SO few are
great in it.
{" WILL lay you wager" said Boun-
Ger, "that I will shoot more crows to-
day than you !"-"Oh, yes, )" replied the
companion, ''you always beat me at
crOaOd1ag."
In a discussion in the Connecticut
Legislative Agricultural Club, last year,
wag recommended the farmers to put
snuff on their corn, so as to make the
crows sneeze, and then to shoot the
c11nnz1On nnnQ q q tho TOOr17nS
Tom" Don't you think some verses
would touch her, Charley beautiful
pome ?" Charley" oh, hang your
verses, Tom. II you want to enjoy life,
drop poetry and the gals altogether, and
jine tire-company.
In asuburban schoolateacher gave out
the word "psalter'' to class in spelling.
It was q "poser" to all till it reached the
foot of the class, when curly-headed
little fellow spelt it correctly, and on
being asked to define it, shouted out,
More salt. -
A FoRTUNE-HUNTER, being In ball
room, heard a gentleman give an ac-
count of the death of a rich old widow.
&" Died yesterday, in her eighty-ninth
year," said the narrator. "What a
pity exclaimed the fortune-hunter,
''what a fine match she would have
made two days ago u
A HARVARD student, born with too
much genius to look after details, sings
the following lament
Broke, broke, broke;
have squandered the uttermost SOU,
And have failed in effort to utter,
One trivial, last o U.
o well for the infant in
That for ducats he need not fret;
o well for the placid corpse
That he's settled his final debt.
LAST week a ssstraw fenG was going
through train on the Illinois Midland
railway, with a pencil and note book,
taking the vote for President, when the
car be was in jumped the track, and he
was thrown into the woOd-bOX, and an
axe, five lamps and a stove banged in on
top of him, and when they took him out
there wasn't a whole bone IN his body
and he never will know how the vote on
that train stood. Let not this terrible
warning be thrown away.
A RAGGED and unc0uth alms-asker
(says the Detroit Free Press was beg
ging of pedestrians on Michigan avenue,
Yesterday, when q policeman asked him
why he didn't go to the County House.
''I go to the Poor House !" exclaimed
the old man. g Why, yes. 1t would
be much better than begging" You
keep away from me, sir y growled the
vagrant GA man who will deliberately
advise me 20 degrade my character and
stain my honor is an unsafe officer, and
[ will have you broken, sir y