The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-09-21

aristocratic and so innocent that no one
would have imagined she had Just come
down from Saxon!-Cor. Boston AdUer-
tiser.
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.
Louisiana has paper called Homer's
Iliad.
-Corn-beef is prose, but tomato sliced
in sugar is more like poetry.
There is drinking shop in Paris to
every eighty inhabitants.
"A Dublin doctor says, Fatal cases of
sunstroke cannot be curea!"
-Topsham, Nc, trots out handsome
young lady with hair seven feet six inches
long.
"A boy read that the "good die
young,' and is now going to the bad for
elf-protection.
-" Lob! buy lob!'' has been the daily
cry of a New York lobster peddler for
twenty-threc years.
There are no mosquitoes in the Big
Horn country, but Indians come creeping
around at mig ht, which IS most as bad.
An exchange speaks of "the young
uluIl WIZ SCtS Wy Noo1) NClSlouo
Mornings Wish he would get up more
of 'em.
"A man in London, who suddenly de-
serted his family, lived for fourteen years
just round in the next street without dis
covery.
lie Petit Journal, of Paris, now re-
turns its circulation as 10000 a day,
" the largest of any newspaper IN the
world"
"A man never looks so helpless and in
significant as when standing around in a
dry goods store waiting for his wife to get
through trading.
A large Newfoundland dog in New
London, Conn, has been taught to hold
up his mistress train when muddy or
dusty place is reached.
England is called healthy country.
And yet you can hardly meet a citizen of
that cline who can truthfully saw that he
has not been ale-ing.
Japan is preparing to adopt our postal
system. They want it so. that they can
"stickee lettee in boxee, and getce more
lettec in oder pigcon-ho allie same, next
week.
The old apple tree at York, Me-, that
was brought in tub from England in
1929, was cut down by its owner, recent
ly, because the many visitors to it trampled
the grass.
An old bachelor having been laughed
at by a party of pretty girls, told them:
" You are small potatoes!'' "We may be
small potatoes" said one of them, "but
We are sweet ones"
Six months is the regulation period
prescribed before widow can sit at the
front parlor window and peep through the
Stats at the gentlemen going to and re-
turning from their bus mess.
Indian customs seem to be reaching
home late the other night and crawled I'M
der the bed, but was persuaded to leave his
reservation and become one of the Sore
Heads.-Norsoich Bulletin.
The owner of pair of bright eyes
says that the prcttiest compliment she ever
received came from child of four years.
The little fellow, after looking intently at
her eyes a moment, inquired naively:
" Are your eyes new ones ?"
When a common school teacher in
Virginia found upon his examination pa
pcrs the question: "How does ship at
sea find its latitude and longitude ~ he
arose to the occasion and promptly wrote:
" 1t finds its longitude hot and its latitude
kold'
-"Speaking of bathing" said Mrs.
Partington, from behind the steam that
arose from her tea, "some people can
battle with perfect impurity in water as
cold as Greenland's icy mountains and
1ndia's coral strands; but, for my part, I
prefer to have the water little torpid"
"A northern Iowa farmer offered a
tramp his daughter and half his farm for
three days work in the harvest field. The
tramp wavered little at first; but then
the color of the girls eyes didn't suit, and
he thought the farm laid little too low,
so he declined the proposition, stole q
hame-strap and went on his worthless way.
-Erchange.
Mamma (who has been quietly watch
"Willy, who helped you to all that cake ?"
Mamma (sternly): sh-sh-sh, you
naughty boy, how dare you tell such sto-
ries?" Willy: faint my fault if its a
tory, ma. Didn' pa tell beggar-man Eat
hebben helped those Eat helped senaseJues!
just at this period of time, when Ma
tional politics happen to be going on on
the largest scale possible, the following
anthem is timely as we'll as meritorious:
Who sthands der streets und corners round,
Nit sefrel ages to be ground,
Und shmiled und bowed, und meier frowned3
Der Candidate.
Who hold your hand when you would start,
Und told you you was mighty shmsxt
Und how he loved you init his haxte
Der Candidate.
-" Considering that the mosquitoes are
making their fall raids and are particular
ly lively just now, my DEAR" said Jones
to his wife, don't you think it would be
good idea to bring the baby's crib into
our room? We might divert the attention
of the voracious insects a little from our
selves. l hate to be broken of my rest,
and baby Can sleep all day, you know"
Mrs. Jones went in search of the ire-tongs
at once.
"A carpenter who was always prog
nosticating evil to himself was one day
upon the roof of five-stosf building up
on which rain had fallen. The roof being
slippery he lost his footing, and as he was
descending toward the caves he exclaimed,
Just as l told your Catching, how
ever, an iron spout, he kicked off his
shoes and regained place of safety
when he thus delivered himself: Il
know'd it; there's pair of shoes gone!"
-" See that! see that!' exclaimed an
anxious.acting man, as he grasped pc.
liceman's arm, on the Chicago base bali
grounds one day this week. "Wh-what?"
said the blue coat. "Why, that fellow
stealing there stealing" "No; VIII
where p demanded the officer, as he
grabbed his club and danced around.
Why, there''-explained the citizen,
pointing to the grounds that player
there---stealing a basep' The policeman
gave the fellow whitening look, and then
Wilted.-Chsca0o Journal. ,#