Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-10-13
WHOLE NO. 3O5.
FACT AND FANCY.


A Cincinnati fend advertises for men
with fever and ague to shake carpets.
Apples were offered for three cents
bushel by hucksters in New York on Thurs
day.
An extreamly cold winter is predicted, no
account of the corn shucks being unusually
thick.
Allentown (Pa) boasts a female vegeta-
rian who breakfasts on peanuts and lunches
on horse radisb.
Mondays cash admissions to the Centenni-
al main exhibition we're 65,S72, and to tho
live stock exhibition 2,305.
MAN." says Adam Smith, " is an animal
that makes bargains. No other animal does
no dog exchanges bones with another"
Miss Foshay of Nova Scotia, aged 13,
weighs $50 pounds, and that bids fair to be.
come the Foshaynable weight among tho
bluenoses.
A Spanish proverb says that paper Gig
arctic, glass of fresh water, and the kiss Of
a pretty girl will sustain man for a day
without eating.
CAT the name of George Washington, fell
low citizens" said centennial orator not a
hundred miles from Boston, "tyranny trem-
blos like an Aspinwall leaf"
An exchange thinks that when a repub-
lican female refuses to use q democratic jour-
nal for curl-paper it is time for the country
to pause in its mad career of political dis
cussion.
"Are these eggs poached2" inquired
customer of a coored restaurant keeper, at
an Alabama station. "Yes, sah," replied
Sambo, "dey is-dat is, de chickens wat laid
'em war;"
al guess dad wishes we'd all die and 60
to heaven" said miser's son to his maternal
parent. "Why so ?" she asked, upon recov-
ering from her astonishment. "Oh, because
Heavens such a cheap place to live it,"
Fifty thousand elephants are killed every
year to furnish the ivory worked up in Eng gand
alone. The best ivory comes from Zanzibar,
the silver gray from regions south OF the
equator aud the favorite ornamental material
from Siam.
On one occasion, when on the confines of
the Great Desert, a traveller asked an old
shek, "What do you do with sick people
when they can't sleep?" He received very
practical reply: 1--WE set them to watch
the camels."
1t appears from the number of chairs that
"W Washlugton sat in" now on exhibition at
the Centennial that the father Of his coun-
try sat down 2S,S76 times during the revo-
lutionary war, an1 each time in q different
chair, many of them being patterns Of 1873.
All Lee, Chinaman in St. Louis, married
q buxom Irish damsel, with as rich a brogue
as ever was imported from Cork or Tippera-
ry. They have four children, two boys and
| two girls. The boys are as unmistakable
Pats as ever were baptised, and the little
girls are as clearly Cslestials as ever had
their feet cramped in babyhood.
A burglar who invaded the premises of
Mr.. and Mrs David w. Travis Of Peekskill,
made sad mistake; for while Mr.. Travis
knocked him down and kneeled on him, Mrs.
Travis bound his arms and legs with sash
cord. He was thereupon handed over to the
officers of justice and lodged in Jail. That
sashcord made it complete Travis-tie on
burglary.
Man has wrung the chickens neck with
impunity for hundreds of years, but Nemesis
has come at last in the form of a very old
hen, near Cobham, England. A loaded gun
had been laid on the top of corn-bin. The
old hen flew up, perched upon the trigger,
and brought down farmland who was at
work near The avenger aimed too high.
An eye was lost, but not life.
Advertisement from Black Hills paper
alt having been quite generally given out
that Captain Ben had departed from this
vale of tears, an opportunity is here offered
to view his remains and witness tho urbane
corpse deal out tea, -four shoulders, bacon,
hams, coffee, sugar, shelf goods, and COM
plete wholesale stock of the finest liquors
and cigars ever brought into the Hills -
A new swindle known as the telegraph
dodge has been quite successful in some coun-
try towns. A stranger comes to the victim
with bogus message signed "An old friend"
aud wants $3.50 for delivering the mes
sage which commoHly contains a state
ment that the signer will arrive at the near
est depot on the next train and requests the
recipient to pay all charges. The messages
are made out on stolen blanks of the regular
telegraph companies.
A clearinghouse keeper in Chicago read
how the hotels in the White Mountains had
school mistresses and divinity students for
walters and, to follow the example, induced
young man and two female teachers whose
salaries had been cut down, to undertake
waiting at table. The first young lady
was addressed by a boarder to "pass them
BEANS" whereupon she tainted aud spilled a
plate of soup over the best false hair and
down the back of young widow. Her COM
panion, when called upon for plate Of
"pud'n," said kindly, "YOu mean pudding,
do you not2"
After the activity and peril Of summer
campaign against the pale.face, and the IA
tigues of the chase, the noble red man pre-
fers, when the inclement season approaches,
to erect his wigwam in some pleasant nook
sheltered from the sweeping blasts of winter
and from the prying eyes Of scouting cavaly-
men, and there to doze away the winter
months in the society Of dusky spouse who
will keep the fire bri ght upon the hearth and
serve savory billed dog regularly three times
a day. That is what the noble red warrior
prefers, aud that is the reason why the white
trooper is preparing to stir him up and
make life burden aud a snare during tho
coming winter,
The train stopped at the St tion, and as
the agile conductor stepped lightly to the
platform he was met by a colored citizen.
Boss kin get to Providence for twelve
cents 2" mot very we'll" "But, boss,
aint got no more an wants to 60 bad"
"Want to 60 for twelve cents, CHI How
are you going to vote this fall ?" "Vote !
what dat got to do wild it3" "Never you
mind what want to know before l let you
on is, how are you going to vote2" "Wel,
boss, want to 90 to Providence to-day con-