Vermont farmer. [volume] (Newport, Orleans County, Vt.) 1870-1877, 1876-06-16
FACT AND FANCY.

Olerlchi errOrs-DepartlnBl from tue PAIN
Of rector.tude.
Every one complains of his memory, and
no one complains of his judgment.
A Vermont singer is said TO have q gold
mine in her voice. Her notes ought TO be
good.
A man who few years ago was worth
$4,000 is working out fine on the streets
Of Richmond Ind.
The western fruit crop promises to be the
largest ever produced, and wheat never be- ..
fore made so good a show.
This is the latest form of wedding invita-
tons "Come around and see me capture
mother-in-law at eight o'clock sharp"
Every man can make himself useful in
this world, if only by holding sunshade
over young lady who is playing croquet.
A young manufacturer is making money
fast on this motto parodied from "Poor
Richard - "Early to bed, and early to rise F.;
never drink and advertise"
An editor who evidently knows what he
is writing about says that in New York
State the inhabitants don't permit liquor Of
any kind to become two years old.
Geo. Cruikshank, aged 81 years, touches
nothing but water.-Er. How the dickens
does he button his suspenders, and his shirt
collar, and so forthI-Norr. Herald.
BY request of Dennis Tobin, of Cohoes,
N. Y, Catholic, six Protestant men were
chosen as his bearers. This is the first in
stance Of the kind on record in that vicinity.
Dean Swift was once accosted by q
drunken weaver, who staggering against him,
said, give been spinning it out" "Yes,"
said the dean "and now you are reeling it
home"
We shall hail the day Of female suffrage,
for then the monotony of seeing rooster at
the head Of every victorious newspaper will
be relieved by the occasional intersperson
of hen.
Lucy Hooper, speaking of Paris, says:
"Of wickedness, painted, glittering, gorgeous,
aluring, there is enough and to spare of
chaste, permitted, honest love-making there
is not a trace"
1t was a New Jersey wife who said "My
dear, if you can't really drink bad coffee
without abusing me, how is it that you can
always drink bad Whiskey without abusing
the bar-keeper2"
A farmer complains that hook .and-ad-
der company has been organized in his neigh
borhood. He states that the ladder is used
after dark for climbing into his hen-house,
after which the hooking is done.
A student who failed to pass in his Greek
history examination, repudiated with scorn
the insinuation that he was not prepared.
He had crammed himself, he said, so tight
that he could not get it out again.
"What brought you to prison, my COL
ored friend 2" said Yankee to negro.
1.-Two constables sah." "Yes but l mean
had intemperance anything to do with it?"
"Yes, sab dey was boot Of 'em drunk"
To destroy potato bugs, mix one gallon of
prussic acid with three ounces of rend-rock,
stir we'll and administer a tablespoonful
every hour and half till the bug shows
signs of weakening. Then stamp on him.
When brisk breeze is blowing about tho
coattails Of pedestriang, it is rarely a man
has sufficient nerve to preserve an uncon-
cerned air under the consciousness that
new half sole has lately been put on the seat
of his pantaloons.
A southern editor says Of a rival editor,
that he is inclined to deny the crime of be-
ing red.headed. Well, you may call it auburn
or blonde, or anything else, but our impress
sion is that he would be entitled to first place
IN any torchlight procession.
The adulteration Of liquor" said pun
ming judge, who was trying q culprit for
mixing sand with his sugar, sis case of
gross wrong, but the adulteration of tea,
sugar and such articles of common necessity
is certainly grocer offence"
A cool young gent entered a menageric
with cigar in his mouth, when the propre-
tor politely requested the visitor not to
teach the other monkeys bad habits The
young man proved himself equal to the oc-
casiOn by producing cigar case and saying;
"Try one."
Why the English should be continually
singing "God save the queen" is more than
a reasonable man can conjecture. 1t is al
ways advisable TO save the jack but the
queen only counts two for game, and is
always a good card to throw away.
An Absent-minded editor having courted
girl and applied to her father, the old man
said "Well, you want my daughter; what
sort of a settlement will you make2 What
will you give her" "Give her, replied
the other, looking up vacantly; "0h, III
,, give her puff" "Take her" replied the
father.
A story of remarkable self-control is told
n by the London Builder of slater named NJ.
A. Karis, Belgian. This man was engaged
with companion in fixing lightning con-
ductor on the summit Of church steeple at
> Ville.Sur.Ourthe, Belgium, Karis was sup
, porting the other man upon his shoulders,
and this workman accidentally split some mol
: ten lead upon the others forearm The
, pain of course was intense, but knowing that
, the slightest movement might precipitate his
: companion into the street Karis remained
: motionless while the lead burned its way into
: the flesh. The men were at hight of sew.
= enty feet from tho ground.
4 A case of rather sharp practice is said tc
= have been practiced on farmer at Niagara
. Falls who raises tobacco. Two men, who
y aiterward proved to be revenue officers, called
i and talked as ii they wanted to buy his
= stock, Selecting several samples they offered
10 to pay for them but on his steadlastly re.
fusing to accept it on the ground that he al
ways gave away samples, they left forty cents
a. on box and went away. The farmer now
10 finds himself prosecuted for selling tobacco
10 at retail without paying the revenue tax
>. thereon.
Al New York pays to its governor an annual
d salary of $4,000, which is the highest paid
r, in the Union. Louisiana pays $4,000, Cal.
70 ifornia $1,000, Nevada $4,000 Eight
d states-Kentucky, Massachusetts, Missouri
Of North Carolina, Pennsylvania, Texas, Yir,
IN ginia and Wisconsin pay $4,000; Mary
Il land, $4,000. Three states-Alabama
al ~ - nkga nnn C--.l