Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-05-19
II UMO r.

THE MAP FIEND.-He was a short,
stumpy, dark-complexioned Dutchman.
He was cross-eyed and wore spectacles.
He carried map under his arm, and he
sauntered into Pitkin's esanctum sancto-
rum" as unconcernedly as you please. Pit
kins was busily engaged in scanning his
'sprofit and loss account" and did not no.
tice the intrusion until the Dutchman said,
"GOot mornin'."
'sGood morning." replied Pitkins, with
out looking up from his ledger.
sVine day."
"Yes," grufiy responded Pitkins, his
eyes still intently fixed upon his book.
ssVas you der man vat said you wanded
to buy NAB 20 an inquiry which caused
Mr.. Pitkins to look up, and with the air
of a man who wanted to be let alone.
say:
mo, was not.''
sob, yes; id musd be you, he god a red
nose shust like you."
s'What do you mean, sir, by calling my
nose red p" angrily demanded Mr.. Pit
kins.
sob, dond god mad. only bought may
be you forged about i'd"
'sWell, don't want to buy map, and
SO 60 out of my Office"
'sSthop a minnid, please; id vas man
loog shust like you, and he dole me to gone
in on Tuesday und he would buy mab."
"Weil, am not the man. so 60 on about
your business"
"Von mind led me show you der mab
Id vos der besd NAB vat vas eber brinded;
ids god all of der Shades und all of der
cid"
II tell you don't want your map. Will
you leave my OFF,
s'Sh, mine friend dond god oxsided NIT
yourself. I villgo oud if you want me do,
bud dis vas bully NAB; ids god all of
der Shades und all of der cidies und i'd
vas brinded in sefen difrend golors, und
sell him for one dollar und sefenty-fve
GEN.
II wouldn't give you fifty cents for the
map. I tell you don't wan-''
ssVait dill you hear de advantage of dis
NAB. Ids god a red stirring to hang him
up by, and he vas brinded in sefen difrend
golors, un1 he cosd me two dollars.
give him to you for dollar und gwor-
ter, and
Elbow many times do you want me to
tell you that don't want your MAJ
"Loog, you hang him up dis way, und
ven you want "A Sthade, here you vas, und
if you want cidy you durn him Offer dis
way, und dere you god him, see? Und |
give der NAB away for one dollar, und |
so oud of der beezness. Id vas no use dry
ing to get liv--''
mo, sir, wouldn't have your map if
you was to give it to me. want you to
go"
"Vy dond you loog at him vonsd ? He
vas a bully NAB, und only god Won left.
ed, und chuck him to you for seferdy
five CEN"
''Look here! If you were going to be
hung, and could save your life by giving
you seventy-ive cents for that map, !
wouldn't do it. I'd see your neck stretch
ed first"
''Dake him along for ffdy den, und 1 go
oud Vesd. Id vas hard work to ged
alOn--''
"Here if you'll promise to leave my
Office, and never come into it again, I'll
give you twenty-five cents for your map.
and"
"Dake id ; id vas der lasd Won hat, und
I give up der beezness.'
''Here's your quarter; lay the map down
there and get out lively, and if you ever
show your face in my Office IL shopt you,
and look of desperation appeared on MIR.
Pitkins' face.
The Dutchman laid the map down, took
the quarter, said ''goot day.! Ito which
there was no response) and slowly SHUTTLE d
out, walked down stairs and stood for a
moment, seemingly lost in thought, when
suddenly his eyes flashed, and calling a
boy that was standing on the street, l.e
took him by the arm, and pointing to Pit
kins, sign on the directory board, he said:
ssDere wash anoder man stuck" and he
went into beer saloon to ''liquidate.'
George" said a maiden, as she smiled
archly in her lovers face, ''what is there
in grand achievement that reminds me
of you p
Georges eyes lit with pleasure, and there
was loving tenderness in the glance with
which he replied, 81 don't know, darling,
please tell me-"
"Big feat" replied the maiden.
She now hattenS her nose against the
window-pane, and wonders whether George
has committed suicide or gone to China.
ity, john" said Scottish laird to his SER
want, to go and tell some people that was
mean fellow and no gentleman p
INA, ma. sir,'' was the candid answer,
s'you'n not catch me at the like O. that.
aye keep my thoughts to myself"
The revival feeling is spreading, but it
hasn't yet got down deep enough to affect
arrearages on the country newspaper
books.
The bull-frog was the first circulating
green-back, and the entire breed have been
notorious infationists ever since the flood.
s'Button parties" are popular in the
West. We don't know whence they de-
rive their name, unless it is because they re
always sure to come off.
A physician boosted at dinner that he
cured his own hans, when one of his guests
remarked: s'Doctor, I'd sooner be your
ham than your patients"
s'Is your house warm one, landlord ?"
asked a gentleman in search Oh house.
sit ought to be- was the reply, "the paint
er gave it two coats recently"
Wheat is four feet high in Texas. They
have tarantulas in Florida. oranges in Cal
ifornia, and influenza in Boston. Come,