National Republican., 1876-12-29

| money.
During the past year five different
| Chicago women have started for church and never
been heard Of more. Shall churches be sup
pressed?
The man who parts his hair IN the
| middle and the female who divides hers at the
side of her silly head ought to exchange their
garments.
.tHer eyes chained him to the spot" Must have
been links eyed. And had q "cast" in 'em-cast-
| iron, for instance.
When the trains on the Pacific roads
stop at the stations they are besIeged by squaws
gers luz lunch Baskets. '''' Oh 0''' 'm the p''''n
If Mr.. Moody's choir of FIVE or six,
| hundred singers will enable him to frighten the
evil one out Of Boston, it will prove the old fellow
has no ear for music.
The Turks claim to be better soldiers
than the Russians because they don't drink
whisky. Perhaps, also, because they have more
| of q family to defend.
When cremation becomes more gen.
eral It is going to be very convenient to have the
ashes Of relative handy to sprinkle on the side
Imperial Caesar burnt to ashes
Nay serve to prevent sidewalk smashes.
IT Is said that was not a genuine case
Of love where she pillowsd her false head Of hair
on his false bosom. There were two arts that
beat each other as one.
Down in Alabama. they have discov-
cred negro child, nve years Of age, whose body
is cne hall pure white and the other dark brown.
They call 1t compromise.
-Appropriate-In an old Scriptural en-
g:sving Sarah, the wife Of Abraham, is repre-
| seifte.f F.dipg on Q camel. with o camel-Sarah
saaNtshrown over her shoulders.
1t is quite unnecessary to remind peo-
pie to "puH down their vest" this slippery
weather, as the xest, and all having anything to
do with II, must come down, per force.
1t is poor policy for young mau to
engage himself to Q lady late In the fall. 1t
Is Is rp oT
The average married man can no
longer plead political meeting as an excuse for
late hours and unsteady step. He will have to
fall back on the old, old story of sheen to the
An Irish housemaid, boasting of her
industrious habits, said she rose at four, made q
fire, put on the kettle, prepared the breakfast,
and made all the beds fh the house before any one
was up.
"A sea serpent five hundred feet long,
and carrying IT'S royal head my feet above the
water, is worth reporting to the marines. These
dimensions are given BY an English steamship
captain.
Mo man need wish for sweeter oppor-
tunity Of revenge than Christmas effers. Buy
your enemy's child drum, or II II 10 TO atone for
injuries which blood cannot wipe out, send him
an ACCORDION.
The approach of Christmas promotes
good feeling. A large and sympathetic crowd
gathered yesterday to watch o corpulent citizen
crawl over slippery place on the sidewalk on his
hands and knees.
"A benevolent friend sends in the in
are always at the foot and BARRIERS at the head.
This joke is rather thin, and not quite up to the
required average.
Miss Sniggins, on being asked if she
.sliked Tom and Jerry" replitd, with the over
beautiful consistency Of her sex. that she was de-
voted to George" and did not believe in this pro-
miscuous love making!
| There is no way of thoroughly heating
revival is at standstii The intellectual sinners
say fatty that they will not freeze to death II
they never get religion.
Mrs. John Hsggerty, of Newark, N.
sae other DAY tried to cut out her tOngasu
testimony had sent her husband to prison, and
that was the cause Of 1t.
"A man visited San Francisco station
house and bet ten dollars that he would be dead
lin an hour. He won, but the fees OF the coroners
Jury, who said .'cold poison did the work. /" were
double the amount ofthe stakes.
When diphtheria, typhoid fever, and
pneumonia come along with their dire rayages
nterposition Of Providence, but to their own care
lessness in ventilation and drainage.
I'm a recent voyage across cold ocean s
gray and melancholy waste" as Bryant calls It,
gentleman was thrown across table during q
sheavy sea-" The report of the accident omits 20
tell where he landed after getting across.
New Years calls will be scarce in Chi
cago this year. Moody, in one Of his meetings.
% strong drink to callers on New Years % 50 Say
Nearly the whole congregation stood up.
"A coschman is brought before the po-
lice magistrate for running over and killing an
not not % Sear to ths et and svoS % tSs accident
"Because ttriumPhsntly) If I had would have
scraped the panels"
Statistics show that young ladies in
college obtain better average on their exsmlna-
tion in the same course of studies than young
men. Whether this is due to closer application
to study superior intellect is the question now
puzzling the brains Of some philosophers.
The prettlest girl in York. Pa, has .
stocking which holds half a bushel.-York Dis
patch. We don't want you to publicly boast Of
the superior attractions and talents OF your girls
but we have curiosity to know how many bush;
els the stocking of the ugliest girl in York will
hold.
For our part, we think that when Paul
told them to let the women keep silence In the
churches he was merely joking. One little ques-
the language of several clergymen Of various de-
| nominations, "Who is running this concern, Paul
or II"
Some signs may always be relied upon
| handkerchief and he Immediately proceeds to
lock IL up in drawer, notwithstanding that he
has cold in the head and his washing hasn't been
brought home, 1t is usually safe to presume that
he is In love.
We are glad to see that the ladies are
again forming reading clubs for the winter. The
reading club Is an organization that discusses the
utes and the best manner of cutting a basque on
the bias for an hour and hall, and rarely fails
| to be Of great proflt.
This thrustiog one color in persons S
| face all the time is not to be tolerated. Smith
came home the other night rather late and his
wife, on seeing his condition, exclaimed ''wen,
declare, If your nose isn't getting fashionable,
like my new sashl" Not exactly knowing whether
TO take this as compliment or not he waited un-
til she snored ~ and then struck Alright, and
| found her sash-cdrdinay
We heard young lady remark yes
terday that sit is never too cold to go sleigh
riding II the horse could speak he would
probably express q contrary opinion. But the
horse has no young man to scrouge close up to.
and no masculine shoulder on which to repose his
/ him falling out Of the sleigh, and-but maybe
you know how tits yourself.
Stephen Hall, q queer but weak ge-
MUS. had made frequent gracious promises to his
troubled friends that he would put himself out
he would go out and freeze to death. About II
| o'clock he returned shivering and slapping his
yGa said the pseaao asEsd S
'.when freeze mean to take warmer night for
it."
1T seems unfortunate that the Ceuten-
nial couldn't have extended over the first Of JAM
uary. This leaves man with no resort when he
sees bill collector coming except the old one Of
stepping down the cellar and leaving word that
he has been called away to the funeral of a rich
uncle out West. This does pretty well, as we all
know, but It is only generous 10 the collector that
he should have little novelty now and then.
-Of all the G. untries in the world
Italy is the one where there the most theatres
ard The G fewest accidents. In Milan alone there
all built Of stone. The galleries, boxes and par
terre have each separate entry, and It is imp0s
sible to penetrate into the rest Of the theatre
from these entries 30 that no two crowds Of spec
tstors can meet at any one point The stair ,ases
are invariably Of stone, and Of we'll or corkscrew
llana thai ihAfa M an nnloa "a nafa.r