The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-07-15
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

the head of its columns, and his name is Miltol
Booth He is the unknownest man in the coun
try, even the Tribune can't tell who he is.
Hogc, the youthful editor OF the Streator Ere
Press, is riled because We supposed him unmar
ried, and says woman has had him in charg
these two years. Well, there is no accounting,
&c.
A Pennsylvania man has invented little in
strument by the use ofwhich man may snor
in church without making any noise. Lots c
men fool away their time on motors and sucl
things, and do no good to any one. Here's {
man who's real benefactor Of the human race
At recent reunion of the old settlers of Lee
county they tapped barrel of cider 20 years old
There was nobody drunk, but the old fellows
went around as risky and smacking their lips
as if they had been kissing the girls.
Though the eornfields are in desperate want
Of attention and harvesting has commenced, the
veteran band of abe-bodied men on the court
house fence in want Of job seems undimin-
isled
There is this consolation in the threatened
visit Of the Asiatic cholera this summer, that il
must diminish the number Of candidates for OF.
fee.
A Georgia musical critic says "At the CON
cert in Griffin the other night, solo sang by
Mrs Clara r. johnson received rapturous APP
plause. Her voice is rich, clear, and full of mel
ody. 1t falls upon the hearers like silver spray
upon q sea of molten gold dotted with floating
diamonds and precious pearls"
The Boston Traveller sees more useful citizen
in champion bootblack than in a champion bill
lard player '.'
That organ grinder has not been lynchcd yet,
and we fear we were born TO be hung for muir
der-TM Sentry.
A young man who started for the Black Hills,
halted twenty miles this side Of the objective
point and commenced to dig, and the result was
quarter Of pound of lead inside of fifteen min
utes. He dug It out Of his leg, where it had been
deposited by Noble Red Man.-Nor. Her.
The following from Chicago source, may be
received with some reserve A" Last Tuesday,
while st. Louis young woman was putting on
a pair Of ball.slippers, she found missing seal
skin jacket In the toe OF one Of them.T
1t is said Bob Ingersoll, in the six stump
speeches he has promised to make for the re-
publicans during the pending presidential con-
test, has selected the Cincinnati Convention as
his leading topic by way Of solving the conun,
drum Why we don't laugh"
The mayor Of Rockford Issues solemn proc
lamaton against branches OF shade trees that
project over the eide walks to the great incon.
venlence and detriment OF plug hats. We sug.
gest proclamation against pig weed and this.
ties in behalf Of clean skirts.
Perhaps II Mr.. Blaine hadn't called ConklngI
a" turkeygobbler," ten years ago, these things
wouldn't have been thus.-Sprinatteld Rep
Since the Empress OF Brazil entered a lager
beer saloon opposite West Point and drank swell
Glass Lager, that favorite German beverage has
become the rage In Eastern Codfshdom and
Cough is in despair.
The Reynolds Herald says IT knows where the
sweetest mouth in the world is, and now we
want to know when the editor was in Bridge
port.-HerdM.
Brigham Ioung is the father OF 63 children.
Brigham is q far more extensive father than
most OF us. But his facilities In this respect have
always been greatly superior.-Times.
The delinquent tax OF Chicago fills between
seventy and eighty OF the large pages Of the
Journal Of that city.-Er. t'
Seventy or eightypages Of newspaper Think
OF that, reader! not columns, but pages. And
that too In the greatest city Of the West. And
mental Why, they can't pay their debts in any
kind OF currency, much less In gold.-Biooming-
ton appeal.
The wheat fields Of California are being raya
ged by rats. About twenty millions Of rats en-.
tered an 80 acre field and demolished 1t In three
or four hours.--Ex.
Twenty millions Of ratsl Think OF that, read
err not thousands, but MILLIONS! And yet men
pirate about specie payments! How are men to
pay their debts in gold, or any other good money
when the rats destroy their crops. There is no
help for them but the rag baby!
Dom Piatt says, Hayes is painfully difldent
and has been seen TO blush like a school girl !"
The Republican party has long been in need OF
a frst-class blusher We ourselves have often
blushed for it; but have always thought that the
blushing ought to be done In the party.-COurici
JOurndl-Dem.
Sitting Bull probably got his name from his
habit Of sitting down on EN-. But from the short
interval between his sitting down on Crook and
Custer, though they were 100 miles apart he
don't seem TO sit long in one place.
Ben Butler was Disguised by stammering
Joker who made him this offer: :" I'll b.b.bet you
: 800 that you and can tell mo.mo.more lies
than any other to-to-two men in this town. and
pro.propromise for my part no.no.not TO say
word"
Blaine is disobeying his doctors orders to
write no letters. II sunstroke can't quiet him,
IT may become accessory to try q stroke Of
lightning.
Doubtless q call for volunteers TO stamp out
the Sioux will be promptly responded to. The
late 4th Of July showed that there is plenty Of
spare patriotism lying around loose
No less than four blind bcgg.rs have been
taking the rounds OF the city within the pastl
week, and one Of them is said 10 pay taxes on
$4,000 worth OF property.-EL.
Probably that il what made him so poor. a
man who owns $1,000 worth Of property in these
good republican days, Is lucky If he is not driven
10 beg on the streets 10 raise money 10 pay his
taxes.-Ind. Age.
The Danbury E,ir, man Tins givetb forth his