The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-05-19
"Well, / don't know; about a cup
full, / should think"

"Well, / don't know about a cup
full, / should think"
SO cup full was put into the urn |;
hot water was added, and the two house
keepers sat down and waited patiently
for the sleeping to be finished. At last
the tea was drawn Horace sugared
and creamed it, and put the cup to his
lips.
"Good heavens cried he, in dis
may, il is strong enough to bear up
long boat and black, too. No more
black ink needed in this house yet
awhile. We must drink water to-day.
There, there, never mind it was all
my work."
Nellie's tears had begun to flow again,
and Horace leaned over the table to kiss
same time into the bosom OF his white
vest. The amount of caloric contained
in the fluid was decidedly unpleasant,
and poor Horace. under the influence of
the pain. kicked over his chair and broke
the looking glass with the flourish of his
elbows. Then he begged Nellie's par
don, picked up the chair, removed the
fragments of the mirror, kissed his Nj
ODE of wife, and sat down to finish his
dinner. Alas for his appetite The
steak was nothing but a burnt cinder-
outrageously detrimental to molars and
incisors the potatoes were non est
and Horace saved all his powers for the
pudding. And he had need of them.
The dessert was brought on and
poured into its appropriate receptacle,
and Horace helped himself and his wife
to bountiful portions.
"Turk's island and crystallized
limestone cried he, dropping his first
mouthful back into his plate. Lots
wife must have been imported in the
last steamer"
"Why, Horacel" " exclaimed Nellie,
in alarm, "what is the matter with the
pudding2"
"Salter than salitudus DO taste,
Nell! |"
One mouthful was sufficient. Nellie's
pretty face was screwed up into a hun
dred Fuckers.
"Why, Horace, who would have
thought it 4? l only put in half cup
full"
Dinner passed off rather soberly. Mel
lie was mortified at the ill success of her
hard work. Horace was obliged to quit
the table hungry, and we all know that
a man with an empty stomach, and the
prospect of that organs remaining thus,
is formidable animal.
However, his good humor returned
directly. He kissed Nellie good-by,
and left her to the task of washing the
dishes-no easy duty, by the way.
The dinner and its accompaniments
were but the prototype of many another
dinner. 1t would be infinitely amusing
to the reader to follow Nellie Harwell
through the four weeks following her
removal to a house of her own.
She invariably forgot to make the
bed until she went up stairs to retire
the lamps we're never filed till the mo-
ment they were wanted; the carpets
were swept after she had busted the
furniture she boiled the calico clothes
and the white ones together; made
starch of cold water ironed Horace's
dickies wrong side out; sewed up the
fingers of his gloves mistook salt for
saleratus and tartar emetic for salt (;
burnt the meat, forgot to sweeten the
SpOuBO cane, huu ultuO ~ huhehCo OohCi
blunders that every inexperienced
housekeeper can imagine for herself.
A month of this kind of existence
passed away, and Nellie broached plan
to her husband. Horace was only too
delighted to consent. Their house was
shut up; the young man went to board
ing house and Nellie went to Aunt Martha
Chase, widowed sister of her father,
who resided in u country town some
twenty miles away.
Aunt Martha was lady more cele-
brated for the excellence of her pies and
preserves than for the number of her
founcee, and under har tutclage Nellie
became, in time, what every woman
should be, without regard to her station,
a good housekeeper. And when at the
end of three months she went back to
her own house, there were no more salt
puddings or burned steaks.
Little lady, think well beforehand, if
the alteration Of your accepted lover will
live after marriage if fed upon bad bread
and black coffee.