Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-07-26


The tears of penitents are the wine of
angels. st. Bernard.
IAxIDERMY for parents-If you want
TO preserve your children do not stuff
them"
a SCIENTIFIC paper says: keep
your mirrors away from the sum-" And
from the daughters, also, if you can,"
adds family paper.
Mr.. RAzIER was married to Miss
Stropp IN New Jersey last week. There
will be sharp, if not cutting, time in
that household.
To write a good love letter YOU
ought to begin without knowing what
you mean to say, and to finish without
knowing what you have written
IT was a printer who perpetrated this
double barrelled, breach loading, pun
conundrum: Why is an old mans
farm in Texas like the focus of a sun
glass? Because it's, the place where
the sons raise meat.
IT was Lord Houghton who, when a
lady more beautiful In her own eyes
than in those of the world was Boosting
that she had had hundreds of men at
her feet, remarked in an undertone:
+" Chiropodists p
A YOUNG man in music shop was re-
Gently overpowered by a fastidious
young lady, who wanted to purchase
F" Mr.. Hood's-sOng of the-a-gentle-
mans undergarment." The young
man is still alive.
RICHARD GRANT WHITE says there is
no such thing as Sin our midst" but
we would like to know where he would
locate the pain that makes paregoric
popular beverage among the young
Norwich Bulletin.
A FARMERS wife entered dry goods
store In st. Louis the other day, and ia
formed the clerk that she wanted zone
o them ar womin's hats which spread
out big, covered with white muskeeter
netting, an which is gettin' so fashion
able"
A CAIRO grocer labored under the
impression that it was perfectly safe to
roll a barrel Of sugar against minis
ter's heels. His eyes were put in such
shape by the good old man that the
grocery had to be closed for four DAYS.
Detroit Free Press.
OF course; it's only a surmise. But
when you see young doctor pay two
cents for an agric'7 ltural paper, and
turn eagerly to the lirst column to see
what the promise is Of this years green
apple crop, uncharitable people will
draw differences.
How many more buttons are to be
added to kid gloves? A man has got
to rise an hour earlier than usual Sum
day mornings, or else be kept standing
on the church steps, till the sermon is
half over, helping his wife to button up
her kid gloves.
Do Lewis is camping out in Cali
fornia and every time mosquito
takes nip of him the disgusted insect
sticks out its underlip, spits out the
tasteless morsel and calculates, "Chop-
ped straw and oat meal; I'd as lieve
bite sawdust doll. '-Haackeye
A NEGRO preacher, in translating OF
his hearers the sentence, "The harvest
is over, the season is ended, and thy
soul is not saved" put it, de corn has
been cribbed, Gere amt any more work,
and de debbil is still foolin wild dis
community"
PERHAPS there is nothing in this world
that makes a man so mad as to pose
when he sees that landscape photo
graph is to be taken, and when it is
printed discovers that he looks not like
Washington Or Napoleon, but like a
dilapidated pin-head, with his right
boot on his left shoulder.
They have curious way of declud-
ing lawsuits in North Siam; both parties
are put under cold water, and the one
staying the longest wins the suit. In
this country both parties are thrust into
hot water and then Kept there as long
as possible.
The Rev. Tom Beecher announcing
bis regular summer leave of alb
sence: "And SO, without blush, we
give notice of our vacation. No more
sermons, speeches, miscellany, CONVEX
,ations, schools, lessons, counsels, warn
ngs, funerals, lendings, givings, long
ngs, and prayings, until next Septem-
Der.
AN emigrant family passing through
Mankato, Minnesota, lost their tom cat.
Come children" said the father husk-
lly, as he turned to the wagon, "John-
ny died of the scarlet fever, little Mary
went with the whooping cough, and
1ow that we've lost Sardinius, [ should
not wonder if your mother or me
should be the next to COP
A CELEBRATED dandy was one evening
n company with a young lady; and,
observing her kiss her favorite poodle,
he advanced and begged the like favor
-remarking that she ought to have as
much charity for him as she had shown
he dog. Sir !" said the belle, &C. nev-
n kissed my dog when he was pup
~" The fellow took the hint, and
vas ofinstantly.
A DEMURE looking chap hailed Chi
,ago peddler with the query: 'Have
7eu got charcoal in your wagon?"
Yes, sir, said the expectant driver,
topping his horses. !" That's right
aid the demure man, with an APPROX
ng nod; "always tell the truth, and
people E;n respect your and he hur-
led OH, much to the regret of the ped
Ter, who was getting out of the WAGON