The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-01-13

"If some one don't shoot me purity
soon | shall hang myself" he gloomily
replied as he absently tore wad of
paper in five pieces.
Thereby hung 4 tale. | knew it, but
/ was mad, and | looked out of the
window for the next five minutes.
"YOu, there!'' he said at the end Of
that time.
made no reply.
ooh! gosh all fiSh-hOoks! let feller
talk to you, won't YEP" he exclaimed,
coming over and taking 4 seat on the
bench.
He was hOnest-hearted, big-handed,
uneducated, and seemed to have bur-
den on his mind.
4" Got lawsuit on hand?" | asked.
81 wouldn't care a cent for fifty law
suits, ~ he sadly replied.
"Well, what is it?'
He studied my cOuntenance for mo-
ment and then answered:
81 have been married"
$50 have most all of us
"Been married twice.
"Eh! Go on"
"Three times!"
"Unbosom yourself, my friend
"FOur times!"
"That's nothing, compared to Brig
ham Young"
Four times and no more," he said,
holding up four big fingers; "and do
YOU think it is so very bad-dO you think
/ ought to be abused for it?"
"My dear sir, 1 am glad l did not
shoot you, rs l at first thought of do
ING. The more wives you tell me you
have had the more l like you. What's
the matter now? Don't your four wives
agree?"
Good Lord! they are all dead!" he
exclaimed, half leaping up. 1.-The last
one shui1led off this-this what do you
call it?-six months ago, and | am a
lone man.
"No one to boss you around, Ell?
No one to call out for clothes-pins and
hOeks-and-eyeS as you shut the gate?"
"They were all noble wives - he re-
piled, as he wiped his nose on the palm
of his hand and became affected.
"Could they make dress out of four
teen yards of goods?"
"They could! They cOuld!"
"Didn't slam the chairs around, and
threaten suicide if they couldn't have a
S16 switch of false hair?"
"Never! Never!"
"Always got up in the winter and
built the fires? Always sawed and split
their own wood, did they?"
"Allus! Allus!"
At this point he broke down and wept.
I respect tears, even when shed by
horse, and put some wood in the stove
and threw an old water-pail at skulk-
ing dog, to give him time to recover his
compOsure. When he seemed calmer,
| asked:
'.And what ails you nOw?"
cam l an old dOtard?'' he inquired
by way of reply.
"NO, sir. You are read-headed, aud
it's hard to tell your age; but l don't
think you are over two hundred and fifty
years old"
81 hain't but seventy-two!" he in
dignantly exclaimed.
''And you are mad because you are
not a hundred?"
"Ah! no. l only want to prove that
1 am not an old dotard-that | haven't
one foot in the grave-that | am not a
wrinkled old fool-that l can keep out
of the lunatic asylum"
"Who calls you such names?'
"Hanner and Jim and Pete and Lucy,
and all the rest of 'em."
"For why?"
"Because | want to marry again.
I've got a splendid chance to marry the
incest little widow you ever saw, but the
children take on and threaten and blow
around, and wish was dead!"
And he wept again.
"You want fifth wife, eh?"
eyes"
"Want some one to order you out of
bed at eleven O'Clock to bring in the for
gotten washing? Want to hear some
-
"Oh, sir, she's the sweetest little wo-
man YOU ever sawi" he Interrupted.
'sShe's had four husbands and I've had
four wives, and Just imagine how we
could sit and visit and talk and take
cOmfortin
"And the children-the whole dozen
of them oppose it, eh?'
" The heaviest kind.
"What do you care if they do? If |
were you I'd walk over there and take
that widow under my wing in less than
one Pennsylvania hOur!"
"GOsh! I'd like to-"
''But why don't yOu?"
81 can't! can't" he gasped, break
ing down again. "The children have
blowed around and jawed and took on
and spit and clawed till I've made up
nv mind to struggle along with the four
wives and never have another. If you
are going to Pittsburgh tell the people
there that you have seen a broken heart
cd man out here-one who would hang
himself tomorrow if he hadn't n flock
of sheep out on shares. D."
And he was still crying when the
train came along.-M. Quad, IN The
Graphic.