South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-10-13

IL makes them calm and oomplacent.-'
They tell us that the more they f,sn,e
che loss they fret ~
VOne hotel Mt Cape May has thirty.
nine ministers as guests. Deacon Jones
says the chickens roost high above that
hotel. .s~'
GIThe heaviest snorer we have heard
Of is the man whose wife woke up the
other night during tempest. saying she
did wish he would stop Snoring for she
wanted to hear the thunder
Iva Milwaukee girl, in order 10
keep her lover up to his PROMISE, always
introduces him as my intended husband.
IL Young man, your bride must be
won before marriage. but you must both
he one afterwards.
ABOUT HBART BREAKING.-A little
Chicago boy fell down and hit his chest
against the curbstone the other day, AMI
rushing TO his father, cried out:
"Oh, pa, I've broke my heart
Broke your hearth" said the father
doubtinsly. how in the world did You
do that?''
''Oh, did it on: playing with
the girls" whined the little fellow.
$50 soon?" unused the paternal; $50
SOON"
And then he remembered how he
used to break his heart playing with
the girls, but was not at all surprised
when he looked up and saw that his
youthful son, quite recovered, was romp.
ing with the little misses again.
Pan old colorcd preacher in Allan.
Ia, Georgia, was lecturing youth of
his fold about the sin of dancing, when
the latter protested that the Bible plain
~ said, There is time to dance
Yes, dar am time to dance" said the
dark divine land its when boy gets
whippin for gwinc to ball"
[-9 The Judge asked an Irish police
man, named O'Connell, when did YOU
last see your sister," The policeman
replied, The last time saw her, my
lord, was about eight months ago, when
che called at my house, and was out"
The Judge Then you did not see her
on that occasion?" The freshman an.
swered, NO, my lord, / wasn't there"
go South Carolina negro is credit.
Cd with saying that Reform has bin
runnin' in dis country ever since de
wa, and he never been 'lectcd yet
Time he stop runnin'."
EF The following, which is sugges-
tive to coffee drinkers, is from tomb
stone in Connecticut:
Here lies, cut down like unripe fruit,
The wife of Deacon Amos Shutc;
She died of drinking too much coffee,
ammo Dominy eighteen forty.
y An Irish couple, few evenings
since, at about nine o'clock, rang the
.'oor bell of one of the Protestant pa
sons of our city. The door was opened
Ivy the clergyman, who, on inquring
what they wanted was informed by Nj.
chael that he and Bridget came 70 bc
married.
Put Why" asked the parsou, don't
YOU 90 20 tie priest?"
And sure We did" said Michael.
and he told us to go to the devil, and
SO We came to YOU"
t55'A Scottish student, supposed to
Ic deficient il judgment, was asked 10y
p professor in the course of his exami.
nation how he would discover fool
BY tho questions he would ask" was
the prompt and highly suggestive reply.
EzyThis note from a Chicago girl to
Ter lover was made public through
lawsuit: Dear Samie, Pap'5 watcrmil.
lions is ripe. Come and bring some pc.
ctry like you brought aCore. My love
for you will ever low like water running
down later row. Bring q piece as
long as your arm, and have heap more
about them raying ringlets and other
sweet things. Come next Sunday and
don't fulo mc.'
70 Joe said Tom. i heard n Ger.
tain fellow shy 20 his giri, "Shall have
your utensils engraved ON that rinss"
"Whatdoyou think oruat2" II think.
answered Joe, Gle must bo the same
follow "to asked lis girl TO let him