The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-04-19

Gus Irritation were severe. This was
all removed by holding it in the smoke
fifteen minutes, and l was able to re-
sumo my reading in comfort. I have
often recommended it to others, with
like result.
SPOONER DISCOURAGED.
Some Information About the Navigator
Islands.
From the Philadelphia Bulletin
When young Mr.. Spencer left college
he made up his mind to enter the min
istry and become a missionary. One
day he met Captain Hubbs, and when
he mentioned that he thought of going
out as missionary, Captain Hubs
asked him, ''Where are you going g.
S.-To the Navigator Islands. I sail
in October
Capt. Shaking his head mournfully)
-''Pore young man! Pore young
man! It is too bad, too bad indeed.
Going to the Navigator Islands! Not
married yet, I reckon? No? All, so
much the better. No wife and chill
dren to make widders and orphans of.
But it's sad, anyway. A promising
young Teller like you. My heart bleeds
for YOU"
S.-What do you mean p
Capt.-''Oh, nothing. I don't want
to skeer you. know you're doing it
from a sense of duty. But I've been
there, to them Navigator Islands, and
I'm acquainted with the peoples little
ways, and well, 1.-the fact is,
you see, that-well sooner'n disguise
the truth, I don't mind telling you
straight out that the last day 1 was
there that the folks ct one of my legs
sawed it off an ct it. Now you can
see how things are yourself. Them
Navigators just gobbled that leg right
up. It was a leg a good deal like
yours, only heavier, l reckon
S.-''You astonish me -
Capt.-'Oh, that's nothing. They
did that just for little bit of fun.
The chief told me the day before that
they never ct nothing but human
beings. He said his family consume
about three day all the year around,
counting holidays and Sundays. He
was a light eater himself, he said, on
account of getting dyspepsia from a
tough niger that he ct in l847; but
the girls and the old woman, so he
said, were very hearty eaters, and it
kept him busy prowling around after
human beings to SATISFY 'em. The old
| woman, he said, rather preferred to
! eat babies, on account of her teeth
| being poor; but the girls they could
eat the grizZliest sailor that ever went
aboard Ship
S.-''This is frightful.'
Capt.-''And the Chief said some.
times the supply was very scarce, but
lately they had begun to depend more
on imported goods than on the home
products. And they were better any.
how, for all the folks preferred white
meat. He said the missionary soci.
cites were shipping them some nice
lots of provender, and the tears came
to his eyes when he said how good
they were to the poor, friendless
savage away on distant island. He
said he liked missionary not too old
or too young, bullets see, what IS
your age, did you say e
Sd am twenty -eight.''
Capt.-'I think he mentioned twenty.
seven but howsomedever he liked 'em
old enough to be solid, and young
enough to be tender. And he said he
liked missionaries because they never
used rum or tobacco. and always kept
their flavor. know I seen one young
Teller who came out there from Bos.
ton. He got up a kinder camp meeting
| in the woods and while he was giving
out the hymn oneof the congregation
banged him on the head with club,
and in less than no time he was siz-
zling over fire right in front of the
pulpit. They lit the fire with his hymn
book, and kept her going with his ser.
mons. he was man just about your
build-a little leaner'n you may be.
And they like a man to be stoutish.
He eats more tender.''
"S.-''I had no idea that such awful
practices existed.''
Capt.-s'l havn't told you half, for I
don't want to discourage you. know
you mean we'll, and maybe they'll let
you alone. But I remember when
told the Chief that there was a whole
lot of you fellers studying to be mis-
sionaries, he laughed and rubbed his
hands, and ordered the old man to
plant more horse redish and onions the
following year. He was forehanded
kind of man for a mere pagan. He
said that II they would only give his
tribe time, If they would send him
along the supplies regular, SOS not to
glut the market, they could put away