Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1876-08-30
A Little Fun Now and Then.

\ The widows might: her tongue.
\ A beneficial strike: striking a jot
If work Is slack spend the time
reading.
/ In occupation man forgcts all hi
troubles.
| The defects Of great men are tn
consolation of the ounces.
The hardest students in the worl,
are the men who know the most.
The man who has nothing to do i
the most miserable of beings.
The man whose mind and hand
are busy find no time weep and wall
A New Orleaus drunkard shot q
!amp-lighter sJust for the fun of see
ing him drop"
There is convict in the Virgini.
penitentiary serving out sentence O
two years for stealing an orange.
Pembina, the name of the prospect
i've new Territory of the Northwest
is pronounced Pem-be-naw. Accent
"Pcmb."
An educated hog at one of th,
watering places is said to be gooG
mathematician. No doubt it cxcels il
square root"
The exhibition is closed on Sunday.
on religious grounds. Twenty thou
sand people hang around the fences
all day on secular grounds.
A cow fell over the bank at Mag.
ara Falls the other day, turned a com.
plete sumersault, and landed 1870 feet
below. She died on the way down
The engineer who said that his en-.
gine ran over and killed 279 rabbits
in Nevada, was at once elected presi-
dent of q liars club.
Mrs. Carr, of Quebec, hanged her.
self with her false hair last week.
The coroner's verdict was that the
Car. was demolished by a misplaced
Switch"
The Cincinnati Commercial devotes
two columns and half to demon
strate the proposition that beer may
be protitably sold at "two glasses for
five cents"
Disraeli is a peer. And yet, in one
of his novels we read: "a peerage-
a refuge for incompetency, or a step
towards the grave" He did not ex-
pect ii then, did he?
We have ii on the authority of tho
Boston Traveller that the Massachu-
setts onion crop ia being consumed
by lice. The Odor of their breath
must make it unpleasant for the rest
of the family.
The DIR. says you mnsn't kiss tho
baby, because you will give it the
diphtheris, you might kiss the baby's
sister, however, from now till the first
frost. and never hear line about the
diphtheria.
Connecticut won the championship
in American inventive skill last year,
having 7O6 patents, or one to every
7l6 inhabitants. Arkansas is at the
foot of the class; Massachusetts next
to the head.
A writer In a medical journal ad-
vises those who have to take long
railway journey to use an air cushion
as fOotstool. He says the effect is
agreeable and highly beneficial to
health. as the trembling motion of the
cars greatly fatigues the limbs.
The oldest man in town is ninety
four, but rs he never had mortga ge
on his house, never compromised
with his creditors, never held public
office and stole the funds entrusted to
him, and never wrote poetry for the
newspapers, his life must be regard-
ed as q Acknowledgment Mass.)
Herald.
Erkskine, when at the bar, once
complained to Jekyll that he had
pain in the bowels, for which he
could get no relief. am give you an
infallible specific" said Jekyll. "Get
made Attorney General, my friend,
and then you'll have no bowels at
ALL"
"And what has become of Saul,
jimmy" asked q sunday school
teacher. "Killed himself" was the
reply. "How did he kill himself 2"
continued the teacher. "Blowcd his
brains out with are volver," replied
Jimmy.
4 skipper of a down East coaster,
named the "Hyena,' was recently
asked what his vessel was named aft
er. His honest and sober reply was !:
Il don't know, l expect some great
man in Congress.-New Bedford
Standard.
If we had enough sympathy to go
round we would extend it to Mrs.
ex-Sultan of Turkey. There is about
800 of her, and since the overthrow
and suicide of her husband, the pros
pect of eight hundred new summer
bonnets is very gloomy indeed.
Two citizens of Sullivan, Mo-, had
an elaborate fight. Beatty, assailed by
Smiley with revolver, retreatedand
fortified himself behind a counter in
q grocery. Smiley advanced warily,
under cover of stone wall, and fired
several shots; but Beatty waited un-
til his enemy exposed himself, and
then sent bnllet iuto his side.
One of a party of Irish laborers
was killed by the caving of gravel
bank. Another of the party was re.
lating the affair to a friend. lie
said "Och, but the boy is kilt, shure.
He's kilt Then, after moments
meditation, he continued. "And
wish l knew joost the place where
I'm to be kilt. Be jabers, wouldn't
be gitten a long ways from that place
intirely."
New York is enjoying battle oil
the directory-makers, the old estab.
lished compiler having encountered q
rival for the first time in years. The
rival bases his claim to popular sup
port upon the assertion that he fur.
nishes 1900 more names than hi.
opponent for the same money.