South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-08-18
WIT AND IIUMOR.

w AIN ~
SLong John Wentworth, ex-Mayor |
of Chicago. is entirely bald, except a
little tuft Of hair at the base OF the brain
behind the ears, and on one occasion.
when riding in the cars, he frequently
took off his hat and scratched back OF his
ears, when. waggish backwoodsman
shouted out, Stranger, drive 'em up into
the clearing, and you can catch 'em all in
five minutes
tT"There's our Jeremiah" said Mr..
Shelton, "he went off to make his living
by his wits" well. did he succcod?S
inquired his friend. NO" said the old
man, with sigh, and significantly tap.
ping his head; he failed for want Of
capital"
EY"Now Judy, dear, run along TO
The Sunday school. And, darlint, when
the taychor calls the names and comes
10 judy Flanagan, yc must say ''prisint'
but II you are not there, say absint
ED What do you sell those fowls
iorF inquired q person of man at
tempting TO dispose OF some chickens OF
questionable appearance. Il sell them
Tor profits" was the answer. Thank
you Tor the information that they are
prophets responded the qucrist, II
TOOK them TO be patriarchs.'
To There ha. just been formed at
GAINESVILLE, Ohio, an organization known
as "Ihe Knights of Ivanhoc," for the
purpose of reviving the tournament OF
the medieval days. Let these young
men go to work in the corn and earn
legltlmatcly the title Of "Pve.an hoe"
so"Where's the bar?" asked a dirty
looking stranger Of the bell boy Of tho
hotel the other day. What kind of n
barr asked the latter. "Why, saloon
bar, Of course; what do You suppose
l mean2" "Wcll,' drawled the boy.
81 didn't know but you might mean a
bar of soap"
t% Some years ago bill was intro.
duced IN the Indiana Legislature TO tax
All attorneys and jackasscs S400 each.
MIR. Norris, n citizen of Somerset Co.,
maryland, having got hold of it, and
greatly elated ut the joke upon lawyers,
called on Hon. John W. Crsiicld, pro.
minent lawyer of the town which bears
his name.
"Good-morning, Mr.. Crisicld."
"Good-morning, Mr.. Norris" rejoincd
the former.
Have you heard the news from Indi.
anaT' pursued Mr.. Norris.
what is that? asked the other.
"Why, they are men of sense in In.
diana; they are getting up a law there
TO tax all the lawyers and jackaSscs in
that State $500 apiece" replied the lat
ter, rubbing his hands with pleasure at
the thought
The veteran lawyer reflected a mo-
ment on the information, and then grave.
~ rejoined:
well, friend Norris, it is lucky for
you and me that we don't live in Indi.
ana; 'Mey ocouh codch 10th of US"
"A BoY'sCoSUNDRUM.-A little sGuint.
eyed Chicago boy pranccd up TO his
mother one day this week and said:
Ma, hain't been real good since I've
begun goin' to Sunday SCHOOL,"
es, my lamb" answered the mater.
nal fondly.
And you trust me now, don't YOU
MAJ"
Yes, darling" she replied again.
lhen,' spoke up the little innocent,
what makes you keep tho cookies lock.
cd up In the pantry the same as ever?"
LV'A captain caught an Irish boy i'm
tne middle watch frying some pork and
eggs lie had stolen from the shin stores
to whom the captain called out "You
lubber, you I'll have none of that ~
Faith, captain, I've none for We" re.
piled the lad
tS Mug%ins was passing down Broad.
way one d1y with friend, when ne oh.
served n poor log, that had been killed.
lying in the gutter. Muggins paused.
and gazod intently at the dcrunct ami.
NAL. and ut last said:
Here is another shipwrecl."
"ShipwreCk wherc?"
There's a bark that's lost forever"
Ills companion growlcd, aud they
passed on.
tV IL Glanced one gloomy day in tie
month Of December, that good humor.
cd lrishman applied TO merchant to
discount n bill of exchange for him al
rather long, though not unusual, date
and the merchant having casually re.
marked that the bill had a great many
days TO run: