South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-02-25
WIT AND KIUsiOIe.


IyMr. A. Brouson Alcott was once
expennllng his theory OF the sinfdlness
OF eating ge5h. ani SAID: "a man who
eats pork becomesa little swinish. does
he not? Aud il lac eats mutton he is in.
clined to be little sheepish.'' per
haps So replied DR.. James Walker.
..but have noticed that men who live
on vegetables are apt to be rather small
potatoes"
EDA, recent book OF historical remin.
iscences Of the House Of Commons mar.
rites the Imaginable failure Of one mem.
Der who rose fully primei for first at.
tempt. He sail: .. Mr.. Speaker, / am
astonished-sir. am astonishe1-sir |
am astonished )" and then his astonish-
ment overcame him. and he sat down,
never to rise in Parliament again.
tgOn Henry Erskine being told that
Knox, who had long derived his l,veli-
hood by keeping the door OF the lr di:-
lnent House. had been kille. by saot
from u small cannon on the Kings BIRTH
day, be observed that lit was remarlxa.
bic man should live by the civil, and
die by the cannon law"
IVA young lady asked q young man
in u music.store, Have YOU Happy
Dreams!' aud was astonished when he
replied, mo, fam I'm mostly troub-
led with the nightmare
ssV The Rev. NJ. Shipman. Of Norwich,
Gays that he was once called TO mar
ry u man who was TO be united to his
fourth wife. As he approached the coup.
lie he said, as usual, PLEASE rise" The
man tiigeted aoout on his chair, and Ii.
nally remarked, We've usually sot."
V Coming from the pulpit after 4
long sermon, q dull minister said TO one
Of the deacons, Deacon, I'm very tired,
Indeed replied the deacon, Then YOU
will know how to pity u.s.
l.VT During rainy weather gentle
man stepped into u tobacconist's at the
West End, London, aud asked him for
the loan of an umbrella. lie was
promptly acc ommodatel. You're an o..
bliging man, observed n customer, after
the stranger had stepped out. Yes but
that's Il mighty honest fellow said the
tobacconist. An honester and more
generous man You won't find i'll a day
travel. lie has got number OF umDrcl.
las of me but he always brings back n
better one in return. He changes EN-
some how, but how | don't know and |
don't care. see he's honest and that
all | care about it,
PAY on Entering sa.
loon on Larned street west, the other
day, n man laid an old, spawned fifty
cent shinplaster on the bar and called
for beer
The bartender surveyed the old relic,
turned il over and replied: =.
DOT ishn't SO goot as some brown
paper"
"Do You go back on tho Government
ofthe United States?" demanded the
stranger.
where is dot government"
Right there, sir. The government Of
the great United States Of America issu.
ed that shinplaster and agreed to re.
deem it,
81 never heard about dot" replied
the bartender, pushing the money u.
way.
well. I'll make you hear oft mighty
qnck, if you don't hand out the beer
amd give me my change"
You mean Something's. You start
row."
Yes, | mean something. I'll have
the United States Supreme Court in
this bar-room III !es'n half an hour, and
before noon I'll have you poking your
nose between iron bars"
Wat | does, eh?"
you refuse to take that money"
But it ish no goot."
"W hat did YOU issue it for?"
Il didn't makes no money"
"N asnt that money made by the
government" demanded tile stranger.
80" no IS the government? Why. the PEG.
pie, of course. am part OF lie govern.
ment, you are another part, ami so on.
l aided 10 issue that money. and so did
you, and we promised to redeem il.
Now, You rake II that promise to pay.
aud give me my change or I'll get ND
the biggest lawsuit Won ever heard Of
"Who shall take him Of me-" inuuir.
ed the bartender rs he picked no ,he
money.
ANY one You offer IT to. or he'll he
liable TO suit for false preteases. Go
right mp TO the postoiiice with H. de.
mand silver. aud if they won't exchange
you can get a lawyer to shut the shop
up
The man took it and handed out the
change and the beer, and as the stran-
ger passed out, he called TO his wife
aside:
SAY, Katrina, what you thinks now"
some more taxes. Henry?"
NO more daxes. but am some Of
der government, and YOU ere some Of
der government, aud dc baby I'm dor
Cradle is leetlc pit Of the government
and ] shall get some new CLOSE and
vote for myselfto 90 TO der common
Council - Detroit Free Pres.
~ Diggs saw q note lying OF the
ground, but be knew not whether 10
was counterfeit. and walked on with.
out picking it mp. lie told Smi,hers
the story, when Che latter said:
sfly. rnu bon. fns......