South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-07-21
WIT AND IIUNIOIs.

WIT AND IIUMOIs.
n IVi"Shake down your epin-back." is
the last slang phrase, being q feminine
substitute for pull down your vest"
EE"Mrs. Spinks," observed a board
or 10 his landlady, 1.-The equal adjust
ment OF this establishment could be more
safely secured if there was less hair in
the hash and more in the mattresses
tVJones gave a lawyer bill to be
collected to the amount of $50. Calling
for it, after awhile, he inquired if it, had
been collected. "Oh, yes" said the
lawyer, II have it all for you" what
charge for collccting?" oh" said the
lawyer laughing, "rm not going to
charge you-why have known you ever
since you were a baby, and your father
before you $50 will be about right"
handing over $40. 'Well," said Jones,
as he meditated upon the transaction.
Its darned lucky he didn't know my
grandfather, or shouldn't have got
anything. Ff.ssH
G"Manma, where do the cows get
the milk" asked Willie, looking up
from the foaming pan of milk, which he
had been intently regarding. where
do you get your tears?" was the answer
After n thoughtful silence he again
broke OUT "Do the COWS have to be
spanked .. 50
IP"Mamma, mamma, bet five cents
the dogs arc going to wear hoop-skirts;
there goes dog with one on his nose"
IVIn Anoka, Minnesota, recently, a
six-year-old girl was overheard telling
her playmate that she had attended a
church sociable the evening before, and
that little boy kissed her while they
were engaged in q play, but she said,
That's no harm, cause it was our
preachers boy, you know"
IVA Physician was greatly ANNOYED
by the questions Of an idle gossip con.
corning his patients.
How is Mr.. ii. this morning." ask
ed the gossip who had been on the watch
for the physician.
He is SICK" CURLY answered the
doctor.
Does he keep his bcd?" persisted
the questioner.
''Of course he does" replied the doc.
tor; you don't think he'd be fool O.
nough to sell his bed, do you, just be.
cause he's sick?"
tVHalf tipsy one day Tom Marshall
h;u old fr;nnI Dranlyo-r;l,xo
and said: 81 have just read your work,
The knowledge Of God, effectively
Considercd' and am glad TO find that
you have no objection to Cod LAS
one of His representatives on earth /
can tell you he has great objections to
you." said Breckenridge.
W Curran's ruling passion was his
Joke. In his last illness his physician
remarked in the morning that he seem
cd TO cough with more difficulty, lie an
swered, THAT is rather surprising. as
| have been practising all night"
lYA butcher boy, coming up the
street from market, the other day. car.
rying q large tray on his shoulder acct.
dentally struck against a lady's head,
and dscomposed her bonnet. "The
duce take that tray !" cried the lady in
towering passion. Madame" replied
the youngster, tie deuce cannot take the
tray"
tFNorwich Bulletin: As the dew
falls noslessly upon the tender heritage,
"a the present passes silently into the
past, as the perfume Of kindly act rises
hcavenward, unseen, 80 the hired girl
slips ont tho back way at night with a
little tea and sugar for her relatives.
LYThe dress coat has been called
the swallowtail, the steel pen, the claw.
hammer, the spiketail, the nib, and the
ecissortail and now it is called the tack.
raiser
ETAn Ohio man makes brick, but he
is high-born and calls himself a sculptor
in clay
YEA Scottish student, supposed TO
bc deficient in judgment, was asked by
n professor, in the course Of his exami-
nation, how he would discover a fool2
"By tho questions he would ask
was the prompt and highly suggestive
reply.
tTWhen freedom from her mountain !
height, unfurled her standard TO the air. |
her skirts pinned back so very tight, !
made her appear exceeding spare