The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1876-07-27
YarieM.
HUMOROUS VARIETY.


lie the most !-Sluggards.
A South Carolina paper is called the
Mt She'll OF course it is edited by a
KERNEL. ."-NOrrtstoaOn Herald.
"A contributor" writing with the ther.
mometer at ninety eight, says that Cray
zy Horse has lost his equineimity.
The individual who called tight boots
comfortable defended his position by say
ing they made a man forget all his other
miseries.
Did any of you ever see an elephant
skim" inquired teacher of an infant
class, "Yes, sir" "Where2" "on an
elephant" "
A New York man has christened his
daughter Glycerine He says it will be
easy to prefix Nitro, if her temper resem'
bles her mothers.
Boarder-"Has the red haired girl
gone away?' Landlady. eyes sir.
Boarder; 81 thought so, found black
Iull III lllC DullCl W
There is something wonderfully grand
and impressive about the road of thunder,
until you discover it has soured the last
half pint ofmilk in the house.-Dan6Nty
MeaOS,
A Camden man lugged butcher knife
around for two hours, offering to kill any
one who said he wasn't Moses, of Biblical
fame. Every one said he looked just like
Moses.
A sensible writer advises those who
would enjoy good eating to keep good
natured, for, says he, "an angry man
cannot tell whether he is eating boiled
cabbage or stewed umbrellas,
A loving British wife's postscript to a
letter addressed to her husband in New
York: Dear William, l have perused
the police reports and morgue returns
every day hoping to see your name"
A blighted being, whose nose should
serve as beacon ofwarning to the youth
of our land, says the ladies dresses this
year are laboring under aviolent attack
of dellrium trimmings. .-NOryiStOWH Her
aid,
1t was printer who perpetrated this
double barrelled, breach loading, pun
conundrum Why is an old mans farm
in Texas like the focus Of a sun glass ?
Because it's the place where the sons raise
meat.
A young lady viewing Dom Pedro in
St. Louis, the other day, remarked, as she
fixed her eyes on the carriage, at ism t
exactly Immortality to see an emperor,
of course, but it's glimpse, at least, Of
King Dom come"
During the recent tornado a couple of
Pennsylvania boys were up in cherry
tree stealing cherries. The tornado car
ried off the cherry tree, and neither the
boys nor the tree have been seen since.
Moral. Never tell lie.
Rural hospitality in Spain is highly
spoken Of. A stranger cont take lodg-
ings at any country inn, they say, with
out certainty Of being Immediately
waited upon by any number of big bugs.
--NeW York CONNIE, cfal AaVertiSer.
A citizen of Dakota took Turkish
bath in Omaha few days ago, and died
with in an hour. The verdict of the jury
was: "He hadn't ought to have got so
much of the mud off Of him at one time. !"
Detroit Free Press.
The Hessian fly is doing much damage
in Iowa, and a Keokuk paper inquiringly
asks whence this new pest originated
Why everybody ought to know that it was
Washington who made the Hessian fly.
-NeV York Commercial AaVetHSer,
"You must cultivate decision of char.
acter, and learn to say mo" said faith
er to his son. Soon afterward, when
the father told the son to chop wood, the
boy said mo" with an emphasis that
showed remembrance of the lesson.
Junior (parsing): "MhH is noun" I"
Professor: What does it come from ?"
Student: at don't come at all, +" profess
sor (quizzing): Doesn't it come from
NiAiios" Student: mo sir; ex nihiIo
nfhHfti Professor set,led.-Magra m
GSx.
The cavalry branch of the army of
Greece number eleven men, nine horses,
one old omnibus from New York, and a
buck board for the Colonel. The horses
are now being shod and the cavalry pla-
ced on war footing, Detroit Free Press.
Though the spring has been backward
old Sol turned off the hampers yesterday,
and set everything going in fine style.
Babies teeth took fresh start, and all
last night the shirted, figures ofyoung fat
hers moved miserable through the dark
ness, muttering curses from the opera of
20 Hush" and remembering Herod
with an admiration they never felt for
him before By0OklyH ArgzS.