, 1876-05-28
HUM0R.

/, A barber-ous weapon: 4 razor.
Il "a fowl bawl'': A ROSTERS crow.
|, Good g. Knopf Is the name OF firm in this
city. Good enough!
Literary people are advised to cat fish,
:"Food for thought as 1t were
Good news for children and young ladies'
Switches are going out Of fashion,
Shelby ". is the Irishman's candidate: be-
cause he Cullom-knlcd Bevcridge.
The warm weather of the past week caused
young men to be in-dustcr-ous.
Ohio Democratic State Convention to Thur
man: "Alake room for your uncle"
The office Of Marshal OF Chicago, according
to Mayor Hoync, was Goodcl OF super
fluffy.
Those enthusiastic baseball men who bet
on Hartford yesterday have no heart for Divine
services to-day.
4 tobacconist In Boston was assaulted in the
streets the other evening. He was plugged
severely on the head, and his left lug was badly
damaged.
The marriage in London, England, of Nelson
Bliss to Miss Susan Work, was happy one for
the lady. She exchanged 4 life Of Work for one
of Bliss.
Sam and jack Shears, Of Tuscumbia, Ala,
hacked and slashed colored man, short time
ago, because he wouldn't give them money.
The darkev says they were the wustest pair OF
Shears to cut - he ever saw.
Sidney Lanier doesn't like the criticisms on
his cantata- ANY young man can It Ia, tar to
young lady, Sid; but there are few young men
who cantata pinch write better words than.
your Goods " and " Batls."
FuS-GLEAN1NGs.
A mild form of new-mown-ia: The hay-fever.
Spell-bound: Stuck on q word at the spelling
match.
Just the thing for inq1isftive people: How
So. ring machinc.-Nen York Commercial
The man who ke pit record OF how often he
repeated on drinks, used to call it his "dndez
rt-rHn."
4 Western genius has invented a machine for
making artificial foliage. He might call It "a
patent leave-er.'
Pawnbrokers have never been described as the
pioneers of progress, although it must pc all
United that they are always ready to make an
advancc.
A shipwrcckcd crew has recently been killed
and eaten by the cannibaIs fl Australia. It Is
shocking to think that there are still live saw
ages VINO can-nibble their own k1nd.-~'ea0
York Graphic.
Guest (who has had pleasant evening, will
lust have look at his hosts pictures before &c
gocs)-" Ycsll-(hic}- tla' pictsh're! Fl
iandscape. Like the trecsh! 'Branshes wave
:but s'nash'rally!!!"
When man buys little bit OF . basket OF
Strawberries, no bigger than pint, he carries it
around ostcntatiousfy, as II 1t madc htm tired;
but he has 2 pounds OF liver put up IN thin
paper, like q lace shawl.
| 4 chap, being asked to explain the paradox OF
| how 1t was possible for lazy man to obtain SO
much education, answered: p" "I-didn't-attain
it. I-ust-heard-her erc-and-theEe, and
was-too-lazy-to-foFgct!"
4 gentleman, dining with friend, was asked
| what part OF the fowl he preferred: "oh! only
| a bone" This request was literally taken, and
| a bone, we'll scrapcd, was sent to him. "1lalf
Of that, II you please" said he, sending back
his plate.
A bad SPELL: Thomas, spell weather. said
4 schoolmastcr to one Of bis pupils. W-i-e-a-
El-i.o-u-r, weather." We'll, Thomas, you may
| Christmas"
| A tall, gaunt Reese-River {Nev.) man walked
up to bar and said, aI've got an aged mother
| back in Missouri; was brought up religious;
| / amt prepared to die; aud what I want to
know is, II the snakes Is strained out Of them
air whisky!"
An 1rfshman, being tried. for assault and bat
| terry IN virginia CHy, NeV', When ashea "
Judge Knox Il he had anything to say By. way
| Of defense, replied: swell, your Honor, saw
hut little Of the fight, as I was underneath most
| of the time.n
"Thc password Is tsaxc;' now don't forget
it, Pat said the Colonel just before tue battle
! Of Fontenoy, at which Saxe WIS Marshal.
| ssSacksa Faith, and I will not. Wasn't my
father mi1lera'' "Who goes therel' cried the
sentinel, after the Irishman had arrived at his
| post Pat was as wise as an owl, and, in a sort
of whispered yell. 1euliea, Bags, yer uonor"'