The Benton record. [volume] (Benton, M.T. [Mont.]) 1875-1879, 1876-10-06
MISCELLANEOUS.

tod to s.bring out the old Tyre, brought
out his mother.in-law.
4 Peans} lyanian bel S. % that he could
eat fifty quarts Of peanuts in twenty FIVE
hours. He got away with forty, aud then
death got away with him.
Now IS a good time to buy thermome-
ters. Tbsy are lower now than they have
been since last spring.
A fortune awaits the genius who wiliin-
vent a. say Of making babies consume their
own cry.
A good book and a good woman are ex-
ceIlent things for those who know how just
" to appreciate their value. There are
men, however, who judge Of both from the
beauty of the covering.
What fruit does newly married couple
most resemble? a green pair,
Better be laughed at for not being mar
led, than to be made to laugh because you
arc
Dc not abuse newspaper or book be.
cause you have not the inclination or sense
to understand scarcely anything in it.
Good hunor aud good sense 90 hand in
hand together. Your man who is perpet-
nally serious is a dangerous person-sufe,
in the long run, to degenerate into mo-
rose fanatic.
"Whos there" said jenkins one cold
winter night, disturbed in his repose by
some one knocking at the street door. y
friend" was the answer. "What do you
want q 'Want to stay here all night" ;"
Queer taste, amt it2 But stay there by
all means" was the benevolent reply.
An English writer says, in his advice to
young married women, that their mother
Eve married a gardener. 1t might be ad-
ded that the gardener, in consequence OF
the match, lost his situation.
A man who had saved the life ola daugh-
ter of a Boston n illionaire, received $3.50
from the grateful parent. He was 50 over
come with the magnificent bounty that he
paid out every cent Of it to seventeen or
gan grinders to simultaneously serenade
his benefactor
1t is said that the Sandwich Islanders
believe that BeeIzebub walked the earth
in the form of woman. And now and
then a man is t. be found in this country
who believes SO too, and that he has mar
ried that woman.
Sin is never at a stay. # We do not re.
treat from Il, re cball advance IN it and
the further on we go, the more we have to
come back.
Evil thoughts cherished are ike the nest
Of caterpilIars in a fruit tree. They will in
crease until every branch Of the moral life
loses the adornings Of virtue and sinks in
death.
A Western paper says that the way to
Kill off the poets who offer to write pieces
gratuitously is to accept their efforts, hand
them to the worst compositor, and let the
proorreader correct them according to his
own IDEAS Of prosody This is warranted
TO destroy the strongest poetical fever in
three weeks.
Do we not sin in prayer when we ask
God to bcstow that which we slothtElly re-
f Sc to obtain by the use Of his appointed
means2
As Lavender, the other day at dinner,
gazed intently into his plate, he remarked
.sOnly womans hair! It's very senti-
mental, no doubt, put somehow it gets
away With my appetite,
Two medical societies met in Portland
the other day. A car load ofgrave-stones
also arrived during the day. It IS not Of
ten that the eternal fitness of things sticks
out il this manner.
t 4 Davenport newspaper speaks Of a
doctor in the city, looking with deep
meaning smile upon a large lot o.. green
eucumbers IN the market On his way
home he was observed to whisper conf
dentially to several undertakers.
Time, y n yesterday: Dirty faced
child loqnitor- -SEPapa, why don't they
wash my face and put clean clothes on
ne? Distressed Paterfamilias ashut
up, Tommy your mammals in the front
parlor reading the Beeeher Iilton bpsi
ness
Sir George Rose beng introduced on
day to two charming young ladies whose
names were Mary and Louisa, he instantly
added, with bow, "Ah, yes Marie-Loaiae
the sweetest pear i know" a eomPlimen
almost worthy of being coupled with thai
most beautiful one OF Sydney Smith, sug
gested by he sweet pea. A young lad,
walking with him IN the garden, pas=see
to examine faverite flower, on Whidh sh'
had bestowed great pains. an afraid
Mr. Smith, she said, that this pea vii
never come 10 perfection" "Then ALLOW
me- said he, taking her politely BY tn
hand, Ito lead perfection to the pea
An amusing story is told IN Scri5ner'
=