The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1876-10-25
Hu1nor.

A Cincinnati fend advertises for
men with fever and ague to shake car
pets.
The man who can strike at the same
fly on his nose nine times without
swearing, is indeed philosopher.
sickness had impaired his health, -
said Wisconsin editor, which led a
rival to remark: eyes, it often has
that effect
Lady Ito waiter) -ssDon't put that
ice into the goblet with your fingers. -
Waiter-''Lor ma am, I don't mind !;
my hands are very warm.''
"a friend Of ours,'' says the editor
of a contemporary, ssis growing weak
er and weaker every day. He has
got SO weak now that he can't raise
An editor says: 1--WE have re-.
ceived a basket of fine grapes from
our friend -, for which he will
please accept our compliments, some
of which are nearly an inch in diane
ter.
It is remarked asa little singular by a
student of biblical paintings that all
the patriarchs are represented as being
bald. It should be remembered, how
ever, that most Of them married
young.
Two persons were waiting in the
railroad station. One asked the other,
''What time is it?'' She looked at the
clock, and replied, 'sIt's ten minutes
to watt But it was only twenty min
utes past 7.
The Rev. Mr.. Talmage remarks as an
impressive fact that Peter, though
suffering so many trials, was a very
cheerful man. It should be remem-
bered, however, that Peters wife lay
sick of fever.
A five-year old tot, who had always
closed her prayers at nj ght with 'sand
God help Katy to be a good girl
opened her eyes on that point a while
ago, and said, very decidedly, 81 amt
going to say the rest, for don't want
to be a dood girl; want to eat green
apples and swallow em:''
The Texas whisky is considered
sovereign remedy for all kinds of snake
bites, and when man in that State
fell off house the other day, and
broke four ribs and raising lump on
his head as largo as mOck-Orange, he
insisted for two hours after recover
ing consciousness that he had been bit
ten by a rattlesnake.
Advertisement from Black Hills
newspaper: s'It having been quite
generally given out that Capt. Ben had
departed from this vale of tears, an op-
portunity is here offered to view the
remains and witness the urbane corpse
deal out tea, coffee, shelf goods, and
q complete wholesale stock of the finest
liquors and cigars ever brought into
the Hills
"Gimme something to cure boil,'
exclaimed citizen as he dashed into
one Of the drug-stores yesterday. ''Ah,
so you've got one of the things now,
have you?'' smiled the clerk. eyes,
sir, and it's just in the right place.
''Just in the right placc?'' repeated
the clerk ''why, why, where is that -
con my hired man, came the sweet
reply, and the clerk saw the point.
A husband having arrayed himself
deliberately with CATERS, gamebag and
gun, accompanied by his faithful dog,
goes forth to hunt, but shoots nothing.
Impossible to return empty-handed to
the house, he stops at the market and
buys hare, which he presents to his
wife. The hare was terribly high
not alone in price. ssAh - said the
wife, with sniff so you killed it!
You were right. 1t was high time.''
An honest citizen is stopped on his
way home one dark night by foot
pad, but, drawing his revolver, lays
the robber dead at his feet. He is
about to move away, when thought
strikes him, and returning to the
corpse he examines it's pockets. In
them he finds four gold watches, roll
of bills, and some small change, Stow
ing them in his pockets, the honest
citizen goes his way, remarking ''Not
so bad, after all.
In the London Divorce Court, lately,
a woman prayed for dissolution of her
marriage on the ground that she was
insane at the time it took place. She
was then so Frustrated with grief at
the loss Of her husband that she lost
her reason, and a man in a much hum
bier station of life persuaded her to
marry him. She had been in an asy-
lum, but was now sane. The evidence
being perfectly satisfactory, the mar
riage was dissolved.
A correspondent writing from
Chenoa, Illinois says: ''The wife iof
Christopher Zeher, living in p Ike
Township, about six miles northwest
of this city, has given birth to five