The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1876-06-29
CENTENNIAL MONSTERS.
A Walk Among the side shows--An Array
of Monkey md Fat Women Exhibitors
Starving to Death Outside the Grounds.


of Monkey md Fat Women Exhibitors
Starving to Death Outside the Grounds.
Skirting the avenues which lead to
the Exhibition buildings, says the Phila-
delphia Times, are numerous zig-zag
rows of sheds, the monotony of whose
structure is relieved by occasional can
vas tents dotted here and there over the
lots. These shanties, Notwithstanding
their gorgeous drapery of bunting and
other fantastic decoration of their ex-
terror, have an ephemeral appearance
which is very decided. They grew up
in q night, and are destined to disap-
pear as magically. As rule they are
one story in height, and do not lay claim
to greater length than thirty feet. They
represent the "side shows of the Ex-
position, and are similar in character to
the outriggers of country circus. Elm
avenue is particularly favored with these
modest enterprises, and it is probable
that they serve the good purpose Of
amusement to those returning from the
bewildering grandeur of the Centennial.
The moment the visitor has passed the
gates outward, and has survived the or
deal of an army of coachmen, each one
of whom insists on driving him all over
the city for the insignificant sum of
twenty-five cents, the lower murmur of
distant chorus greets his ear. AS he
advances the sounds become more dis
tinct, and finally the voices of eloquent
men, mounted on chairs (the men, not
the voices), empty beer kegs, and every
other manner OF available temporary
elevation, are heard to proclaim the
wonders that are secreted within their
respective museums.
The first attraction to be met with is
the mastery painting of an educated pig
in the act OF singing song. The voluble
Snowman explains to his hearers that
the only thing defective in the painting
is the unavoidable absence of the music.
i" But this" he adds, "can be heard
within for the small sum of ten cents. -
When his eloquence is no longer availa.
BILE he orders the band to play, and
those of an operatic turn are treated tc
a tune on very bad hand-organ. Mex,
door below, upon the side of a frame
building, somewhat more pretentious,
is the portrait of very lat woman, and
the audience that gathers here is in
formed by the Snowman that so great
are her dimensions that the house haC
to be built around her. To add strength
to this assertion, he expresses willing
ness, if it's proven he lies, to jump
down his own throat. Further OF
there is small tent, and there is sigr
by the side OF it, twice it's size, on which
is painted the startling announcement
that ga Asophigerous can be gazet
| oft hn nf .
I This animal, the Snowman declares, is
the most remarkable of living things
Upon his honor as q gentleman, he pro
claims it to be lineal descendant o.
the only beast that refused the shl ltel
of Noal's ark and swan the waters o.
the deluge. In other menageries, still
further on, are exhibits equally won
derful; a horned African, the sacred
COW, with the arm of a man protrudinG
from its shoulder, along with severa
interesting specimens of the ancestor
of Mr.. Darwin, are among them. 1t i
improbable, however, that these places
are financially successful. One of tn
orators asked his auditors, with tears il
his eyes, whether somebody wouldn'
take ten cents worth of look at hi
monkeys "for Gods sake" There wa
exceeding pathos in the mans voice
but the couutrymen who heard him re
called an equally affecting appeal from
man who once taught them the mysterie
of "three-card monte" and passed o.
unmoved.
To reporter the exhibitor of Gel
tain three-legged infant conveyed til
, depressing intelligence of his banl
/ i tl,,t -, T.
10 he hadn't taken in money enough t
supply his glottis with hoarhound candy
He believed with those who were in hi
line of business that the world ha
"soured" on the phenomena of life
and expressed an ambition to embark i
the retail parlor match trade. The pee
: pie who make the money outside th
3 grounds are the dealers in lager BET
. and Sweitzer sandwi hes. Gardens
sheds and pavilions, where these luxr
ries can be purchased, are intersperset
8 like GASES of Sahara, among the itineI
= ant showmen. In several of these la
ter resorts are kept bands of music
I some of them very bad bands of mus
and these are constantly engaged
t efforts to overcome the musical intr
t cacies of "Yankee Doodle" and otht
i notable patriotic airs. With one {
r two venturesome spectators in "col'
: sparkling mead" several restaurateu
e who advertise their ability to serve roa
e dinners at any time of the day or nigh
:, added, the list of attractions may
+ said to be complete. The widest spec
] Ia or is not inquisitive enough to pa
d ronize the "shows :" few of the hu
Il CRY ones have teeth stout enough to q
d sail the roast dinners, and seldom i
n deed are people tempted to taste of Il
:, delicious properties of "Centenni
o mead" But while the venders of {
d these amusements and delicacies a
II weeping over their i'll luck and vowi1
II never again to undertake provisi
d against the starvation of the hum'
% race, the wrestler with beel glasses
d laughing for Joy at the universal a