Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1876-06-24
soap ON the Stairs.
TTrom The Chicngo Tribnne. I


A gentleman residing on Aberdeen
street was, until Friday last, inclined to
favor female suffrage. His wife had
p~rudentIy delayed moving till after the
LIST. 50 as to take advantage of the fall
of house-rents. The house to which
they moved had a Tremendous steep
flight of stairs, and an oil-cloth ball.
The wife had tie stairs scrubbed down,
and left the soap on the top step. Her
husband was up stairs, with a basket
full of clothes-pins in n hand and a
clock under the other arm, when his
wife, who was down stairs, saw a mouse,
and shaking her skirts madly, bounded
up on the table and letting of a series of
Bhrill shrieks beginning On high ZZZ
above the clef. Her husband thinking
The house was on fire at the very least,
started to run to her rescue, and, step
ping on the piece of soap that she had
10 thoughtfully left on the stairs sat
Down vehemently at the top ofthe flight,
bud slid down with the speed of thought.
Fire flew from his false teeth as he hit
fhe edge OF each step, volleys Of clothes
pins were discharged into the air and
fell rafting and ~rebounding on the oil
cloth, and the clock shed its iDwards
bver the universe. The injured husband
bad little time for reflection when he
reached the glare oil-clotn o the hall
Rnd shot across it with scarcely dimin-
she'd velocity, literally making the oil
10th and the seat of his pantaloons
moke with friction, and finally bring
ng Up against the door with a violence
hat threatened to burst the side out of
he ho1se. The fearful conclusion
Ftartltd his wife, who turned a jackson
rsaul, from table into a tub Of soap
Euds, ia which she was so tightly wedg-
d thar she had to throw a handspring
nd canier on all-fours like a turtle, with
tub on her back and the cataracts of
ads inundating her. Meanwhile, the
fred woman fell off the step-ladder
nth u crash like a pile-driver, aud
srred down most Of the plaster cornice.
When The mans wife had sloughed her
lb, 7he sauntered calmly into the hall
nd remarked, We'll, men are the
lumsiest-and the hall bad just been
tashed, too" Her husband did not
~ much, but he thought a good deal;
nd now, he says, just let Susan B. An
honey come and lecture here again; and
no other man has the courage to hiss,
9 will, so help him Jasper Packlemer-
%.
There are a thousand things in this
orld to afflic. and sadden; but, oh, how
any that are beautiful and good! The
orld teens with beauty-with objects
at gladden. the eye and warm the heart.
e might be happy il we would. There
70 ills which we cannot escape the
bproach of disease and death, of mis-
rtune, sundering o clearly ties and the
nker-worm Of grief but a vast ma
rity Of the evils that beset us might
terwoven as it is with the ligaments
society, is one which never strikes but
destroy. There in not one blight
4ge upon record of ite progress moth
to shield it from the heartiest execra-
,ns of the human race. 1t should not
ist-it must not. Do away with all
is; let wars come to al end, and let
endship, charity, love, and purity aud
ndness mark the intercourse between
40 aud man. We are too selfish, as if
Q world was made forus alone. How
uch happier should we be were we to
Dor more earnestly to promote each
hers good! God has blessed us with a
me which is not all dark. There is
nshine everywhere-in the sky, upon
E earth-there would be in most
arts if we would look around us. The
brm dos away, and the bright sun
ines out. Summer drops Der tinted
rtain upon the earth, which is very
mautiful, even when autumn breaths
+ changing breath upon it. God
gns ia Heaven. Murmur not at a
bid so beautiful, aud who can live
ppier than we?
ssSOmetime."