Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-05-27

Railroad Bonds that, yet another
Canyassing the State of Maine,
A fOrlOrn and shipwrecked brother
Seeing, won't do SO again.
advertises for q lost calf: Rund
away 1 ret and vite KAT; his tn behint-
legs vas plack ; he vas a she KAT.
Enypotti yot pring him pack pals 5
t~ollar.TShacob sZudderfng, Clear
Greek. tree miles pehind ter pig wood
en- shtone pridge.
His teeth began to chatter over the
ice cream. He buttoned up hisjacket
and swallowed another mouthful.
That settled it. He jumped up from
the table and started to where the sun
could. shine on him, exclaiming:
'ffWhoopee l Plenty damn cold grub!
No cookee huff! Fleece belly all same
like ice wagon.
A young boy who had been fishing,
was slowly vending his way through
the city, last evening, when he was
heard to complain: IF l was Il horse,
now, 1 woald be rubbed down aud
we'll fed;but Tina boy, and Pve got 10
go home, milk the COW, bring in wood,
tote water aud rock the cradle for ali
hour aud a half"
A New York physician, while COLI
versing with a friend, observed an
other physician driving past in his
chaise, accompanied by one of his pa
%tients, who was fast recovering.
SWELL" said DR.. B., 81 never took a
patient to ride in my life" L"No,"
said the friend, ''the undertaken saves
you the trouble" .HetI r-r1t IL-
Two sparks from London once
came upon a decent-looking shepherd
in A%rgyle-shlre, and ~accosted him
with, "You have a very fine view
here you can see a great way" "Yu
aye a ferry great way" "Ah !! you
can see America here, l suppose 2"
'Farrer than that" GLOW is that ?"
"Yu jist wait tule the mlsts gang
AVA and you'll see the mune."
"Ma I! does pa kiss the cat 2" "Why,
no, my son, what i'll the name of
goodness put that in your head ?"
Zoos, when pa came down stairs this
morning he kissed Sarah in the hall
way and said that's better than kiss
ing that old cat up stairs, amt it,
Sarah? ?" And that, people say, is
the reason why Smith stayed in the
charity hospital for nearly two
months.
"My DEAR said Simkin's wife,
looking up at the hope of the house,
and noticing the gravity of his couH.
tenance. "ain't you in abrown study?'
Matilda" he answered.. .you re.
member that last despotic act OF
your m~other-in-laW. in forcing me to
keep my bootjack in the woodshed.
Yes, dear" "Well. Pm, sitting as
q court of impeachment upon her;
"Let the caitif BEWARE"
1t is Sunday morning, the church
bells are ringing, and he stands al
the bottom of the stairs and yells uI
70, her: will you, ever get ready p
She pretends to hear MIN until he
yells again, and then she yells back
as loud as she can : "You know yer,
well Pm ready ; but if Td ever sup
posed that we were going in so early
and me in my new black silk, I'd new
er.put it on!" And she stood befor,
the looking-glass and gave way to hel
grief.
A dwelling-house on Clifford stree,
took fire in one of the chambers thu
other night, from an exploding kero
sene lamp. The flames were extin.
guished after q sharp struggle by the
woman of the house, who had he
hands pretty badly burned. Shewa
relating her adventures to a neighbo
next morning, and the woman asked
"Why didn't you raise an alarm
where was Bessie?"
"Bessie and her beau were courlin,
in the parlor," was the reply.
"'And you never called to them?
mot q word I have known @
cases where y sudden alarm has up
set a young man just as he was abeu
to propose, and changed the future o
w lives.-[Detroit Free Press.
The curtain was drawn aside, an,
Sutton came down from the desk an
said "Adams, did you ever thin
about dying ?"
Adams said he had, once.
"When was it z"
"When / sat in q BARRIERS chair"
SnttoM curled one of his Whiskel
in silence.
Said Adams: "Judge, how are yo
on arithmetic 2"
Judge: GA, II
Adams: ga woman had fiftyssic
sheep one died ; how many did all
have LETT ?"
Judge: "Fifty-six sheep?" &
Judge: "Why tifty-five, of course
Adams: you're wrong, Judge.
Judge: wrong! Do you think
can't count?" -
Adams: "rhat's all right; T.
show you. Here; a woman had fit
sick sheep-sick; one died. tn,
left her forty-nine, didn't it?"
"Judge: "Mr. Adams, you tamp'
with the court. Such familiarit,
even off of the bench, is all outrag
You take me for one of the ReynoI
brothers. Il ,scornjit"-and his hon,
walked away.