The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1876-06-21
: TITS A WAY HE HAS GOT.' :
Noted Characters Familiar to
f WiIbefOrce. 1sE sa3 4

"IiOoIOrces -ees- .sztEa 4.
To the Editor Of the AIorristown Gazette ~ n
Habit has been termed 'ssecoRd
nature Nature is always attrac-
tive, always beautiful; ergo, her sis
ter should have grace and comeli-
ness; and doubtless, were not habit
SO multi-facial, she might claim gen
eral attractiveness. ad sa ucitisi.5z4
Before entering upon any specif-
cations of odd habits. a leaf from my
own note book would not be amiss, as
showing how any habit will tyranize
over a man:
| was at a quilting my =" lode star !"
was present. Your correspondent
was making good progress laying of
squares, picking up needles, bump
ing heads, &c. Yet all this time ran
through my mind as a refrain a GER
tain rhyme:
"when Johnny fen of of the elephants back,
He gave his skull he'll Of a crack"
The girls had some secret to COM
municate, so 1 strolled to the win
dow, and, placing hand in either
pocket, gazed out on the landscape.
A slow rain was falling; impercep-
tibly that rhyme forced itself into
utterance, and unconsciously l re-
peated the thing aloud
"when Johnny fell off," sc.
A solitary "te-he," a general tit
ter, and then dead pause. L saw
mine host crooking his finger from
an adjoining room. and went to him.
=" Wilberforce, let me have what you
have left" Left--got-what? "Why.
Whisky, do you know what you've
been saying?" A light dawned up
on me. 1t took considerable virtuous
conduct to disabuse my sugar-duck's
mind, and l gave up the habit of
thinking aloud.
Among people l have met of Pc
culiar traits, stands confessedly pre-
eminent the breakfast fiend," the
hand who makes a specially of eat
ing breakfast. He rises early, and
publishes the fact of his ascension by
waking every one else, old or young,
sick or we'll, in his blnnderiHg course
through the house. Yet, although a
convert to the early bird and worm
theory, doth he not strike a lick un-
til his breakfast is atween decks.
And how he goes for that breakfast
everything is grist to his mill !; and
when his jaw ceases to wag, he sits
back in his chair and surveys the
havoc he has done with supreme
complacency for a moment. Then
he rises, and stepping TO the verge
Of the porch, and placing a thumb to
one nostril, with IL ripping sound he
straitens out his proboscis for the
day. Then he steps into the arena
or yard, takes oat his barlow, and,
while picking his teeth Herewith,
announces by resonant belches that
all the world may go to breakfast, as
he is going to work.
Next to the belchmaster eener-
al" comes the "sitting breeches.'
He usually comes late, and strolIs
with pendulum strides through every
room in the house under the pre-
tence of seeking you. Like the
ghost OF Hamlet's father, doors are
no obstacle to him; and. while af-
fecting simplicity, he notices every
thing upon which hisround eyes may
rest, and stores away the memory
thereof to report to his confreres at
a stalk-whittling in some fence cor
ner. At last this wandering Jew,
this ancient mariner, comes to an
anchor. No thought has he of re-
moving his hat-not a bit of it-no
more than of using buttons instead
of pegs in his eoperas breeches. The
interview commences "All well, I
suppose" eyes; tolerable well !;
how is it with you?' We'll, hear
no complaint" A pause. Crops
are sorter backward Yes; we
have had a deal of wet weather."
"Yes; there's sight of devils shoe
string this yea-.'' Another pause.
Well, 1 have come to see if you
need hand" "No; have all l
wish to hire" 'Pd like to get some
bacon, if we can make q trade.''
" What do you call a tradeY' " Well,
m q powerful rail maker" Another
pause, and considerable striding
across the room and splitting out the
window I" You haven't airy milk
COW you'd like to sci" " '.No; mine
are all picked eattle-haye you got
the money!" I. No; ); but thought
YOU d like help in harvest. Any cof.
fee % " Yes; but it 5 cash article .
A trip to the window, and an empty
ing Of the eontsnts of his nav, &c. LET
me have q ohaW tobaoker.'' You
give him a g chaw," thinking he will
leave; but old "sitting breeches" is
an old bird, and if he can't cheat
you out of BACON, coffee, or the milk
cow, he intends to gst his aiRneF,
and tue hospitality peculiar to oql
country gives this loafer, this travel
ing slop-bucket, his dinner. That
dinner eaten, the pendulum legs, the
peg buttons, and the grease saturat
ed hat go over the hill and you see
/ them no more,
Akin to-" sitting breeches " is The
rifle packer, the man who goes no
where unless. he packs his rife, and
is accompanied by his staff of 'fise's.
who, while you Interview their mas
ter. amuse themselves sticking theiI
noses in every pail or bucket theil
bench legs can reach. Tramping
through your wheat, soaring youl
sheep, stealing your apples, he lives
but to carry that firelock everywhere
and nowhere. How this peripatetiC
! Nimrod subsists no one knows. The
packer of scandal, the bane Of worh
hands, the shaekler of stone walls
and the owner Of aHicoon trees; ht
goes a Rip Van WinltIe. whom
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