Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1876-10-26
Local News.

would stir around to-day and get up
sensational local of some kind. The
papers been UNANIMOUSLY dull lately.
Now why can't you give an account of
sea-serpent that you saw off the
Capes yesterday engaged in fearful
combat with whale, during which
the whale swallowed the sea-serpent
all but the end of his tail, which stung
the whale to death-or something of
that kind-something exciting and
ively?"
81 can't write about it if there was
no sea-serpent, can I?''
Thunder and lightning, Perkinsl
have you no imagination? People
don't want facts; they want sensa-
tions. When was local reporter [
used to reel out the most astonishing
anecdotes about men who went up
10000 feet high in balloons and fell
out, and struck telegraph poles, which
perforated them so that the victims
would slip down to the ground; and one
lay there with the pole sticking up out
of him until the doctor sawed it off on
each side, so that he went home with
butcher-block permanently fixed in
his vitals; and / would tell of a boy
who stuffed himself with dried apples
and drank water until he swelled out
go hot hoy hn in 70 \, IcS
abdomen would Craze the bottom, and
he would then try to stand ON his feet
and find that the water was over his
head, and that he was broader than he
was long. Things like that-the pub
lie want. They like to be entertained;
they care more about excitement than
truth. Now why can't you get up
collision for us? We haven't had a
collision for ever SO long"
81 dunno; maybe / might
explain to them that the two
trains were going at sixty miles an
hour when they met, and that when
they struck the down train ran on top
of the up train, skipped along the roofs
of the cars and came down ON the 9TH
er side, without doing any other dam
age than smashing the ventilatOrs and
sweeping off a couple of brakemen
who were sitting on top Of freight
car. Paint it in strong. Say that the
trains were going so fast that they slid
ten miles apart before they could be
stopped after the accident; and intro
duce humorous incident about an old
lady in the parlor car, who was so I'M
nerved that she swallowed her specta-
cle-case under the impression that it
was the smoked sausage that she'd
brought along for lunch, and attempt
ed to put her umbrella in her carpet
bag"
"Maybe / might work it up some
how" said Perkins.
Cor, I tell you, s'posen you fix up
story about a returned sailor, just ar
rived, who got into trance at sea,
SOS they thought him dead, and they
put him in coffin and chucked him
overheard, and after while he came
to and kicked off the lid, and foated to
the Cannibal Islands, where he sneaked
into the temple and passed himself off
as. some new-fangled kind of an idol,
and finally got three hundred of his
worshipers to follow him aboard ship,
where he chucked them into the hold,
fastened down the matches, and sailed
for Cuba, where he sold them as slaves
and made a million dollars, which he
has brought home to give to his wild
owed mother, who has been taking in
washing and suffering from rheuma
tism and cricks in her back. Now, a
local like that would attract attention !;
it would excite remark; people would
want to buy the paper. Give your
fancy play unlimber your imagination.
That the way | used to do"
"It's a frst-rate plan," said Per-
kins.
y ceI1t atOeAfO Aiebi LINZ
you might easily scare up some sort of
an anecdOte about man in this town
named Smith, who travelled across the
plains twenty years ago with his fam
lily, and who was swooped down upon
by the Indians, who grabbed his baby
and scooted off, while Smith, bald
headed and miserable, went on until
he found desolate hearthstone around
which he gathered the remainder Of
his family. And then you might work
up some kind of an idea about Smith
twenty years afterward hunting UP his
child and finding her among the Chick
asaw Indians eating baked dog and be-
trothed to a young brave. And then
when she failed to recognize her pa
rent, you might set it UP that Mrs.
Smith should sing some old tune which
she used to put that baby to sleep with,
SOS to see if the maiden would remem-
Der her childhood. And Miss Smith