Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1876-04-29
VARIETY

very often be composed Of borrowed sermons 2
A reporter once aptly called an unsuccessful
pris;ers' strike typographical error
Why is a store tina, don't advertise like
Eaoch Arden? Because it sees no sale from
day to day"
What's go3ugou % saida uell-known bore
20 Douglas Jerro,d, u am was the reply,
aud on he went.
Very homely bu, very true the remark ofao
old farmer There are two talks 10 this world
to one Do
a Chester County paper says Going to
market 10 Lent is very cgssigbtns." We
have cot found i, particularly so Ova here.
Chicago ever fertile in novelties, has new
name for Tie tarleeper. He is now known as
the cocktail architect
A man may be said to have been drinking
Ike a FISH when he finds that he has taken
enough TO make bis head swim.
"What do you take for your coll:' said a
lady 20 Mr.. -. Four pocket handker-
chiefs a day, madam" was the answer.
The revival feeling Is spreading, bu;i,hasut
vet Got down deep enough 90 affect arrearases
or tie country newspaper books.
The bul,-rrog was the first circulating green
back, and The entire breed have been uo,ori-
Gus iuiatiouis;s ever since the food.
Button parties are popular iu BE West.
We don't know whence they derive their name
unless {, is because they re always sure to come
or
A physician boosted at linner tha! he cured
his own hams, when one of lis guests re-
marked Doctor Ia sooner lie your ham
than your patient
"Isy0ur house a warm one landlord? %
asked a gentleman in search Of q house. e. 1t
ought to be-" was the reply " the painter
gave il two coats recently"
Wheat is four feet high in Texas They
have tlrautulas 10 Florida, oranges in Calilor-
Ma, aud ilfucun in Boston. Come, gentle
Spring.
Two Irishmen, travelling, were robbed and
ted in , woods One in despair, cried: Och,
am unlonc," Said The other Fax, then
wish you would core aud undo me.
After the clergyman had united a happy
pair not long ago. an awful silence ensued,
which was broken by al impatient youth ex-
claiming, Don't be 50 lmspeakaJly happy
"Your dress" said husband to his fashion
able wife, "will never please the men" CT
don't dress to please men, was The reply, "but
70 worry other women.
A Texas rep7'. having male note Of a
man who draoS twenty glasses Of rye 10 one
evening, the man very Justly complains that
he don't like that kind Of no,e-o -rye-ty.
Reason is progressive instinct stationary
Five thousand years have added no improve
meut to The hive Of ,bc bee or the house Of the
beaver
A doctor attending p1ns.eT who was very
81, apolosiIsl for being late one dry By say
ing that be had to stop 20 see a mau who had
fallen downa well. DJ be kick the bucket,
doctor groauod the puuster.
IN old tombstone in tho buryins-grouud
at West IynD, Mass, bears The inscription 80
"GoltooS tAccood, TOO good TO stay and lefttLc
bad, TOO bad 70 take away Rather rough,
trat an Ne raovrners.
Ny boy. tel us what Won know ab3u,
rattan. said the Committeeman. &, Is
sometimes called the 'Calamus B1taug :; comes
from Penang, Samauug, and Padang aud Is
used by tle master in tbs school too dang
often
Somebody gave Paddy McGuth picked
egg yesterday. Paddy biz it in two, opened
lis mouth. made face aal said "Be me s5vl,
tn sobefyra ouy J,isc OF Jury in tie wur-
reid an take me cath that tie lin that l4il
that csg lad the dyspiPsy or heartburn"
A young Shell Rock .I5wal man who re-
Gently started ou; Tor the Black Hills. writes
back to bis friends tba; its a perfect earthly
paradise out there, aal he's delighted with it
lie also asks them 70 please nan him So to
come home wi.h.
4 C.uc.luust.ln whl lad purchased an oil
painting at Ia private sale called in an artist
t1 consult b.nas 70 bow he should hang it,
The artist la.kc5 at s, long and curious'y, and
then said. " Z wouldn't .aas tiff / were