Mississippi Democrat. (Hazlehurst, Miss.) 1875-1???, 1876-07-08
HUMOROUS ITEMS.

Il
made In vain. Bat how about
fashionable girl lsn't she maiden
/ vainf
A man being asked, as be lay sun
ning himself on the grass, what was
the height Of his ambition, replied /.
ITO marry u rich widow with a bad
cough"
Mother" said little girl on ~
turning from Sunday school, where
she had been taught about the Ia.
faat Jesus, iii the Virgin Mary was
Jesus mother, wasn't she Gods
wifcY'
A young woman ~ Cleveland,
Ohio, objects o. the new silver COINS
because the Goodies of Liberty u
DRESSED Just n she was fifteen years
ago, and ''that's Va horribly old
fashioned"
lie held the old shirt mp by the
neck before discarling II forever,
but be wasn't mourning for the gar.
ment lie only said, Il wish had
all the drinks that have gone through
that OLD meek band
An incbriate ia Port Jervis fell
aud struck his nose against bar
bers pole. On being raised from
the ground, he asked: "Whai'n
thander 'zat (hic) woman with striped
stockfhs on got (hicl agin mel7
There i an oiiitc Ia Paris where
articles found are restored TO their
owners. They are daily registered
\ by clerks, one ~ whom was lately
heard 10 call OFF: Three umbrellas,
one watch, two rings, one pair II
boots, and hye babies.
A cOlored disciple of Coke in
Charleston, =. e., was asked by a
''brudder' the other day to explain
the LATIN terms de facto and d. iaTe,
aud this was his explanation sDey
means dat you must prove de facts
of he case to dc satifaction Of ae Jsvy.
The LATEST man IL on O Western
editor. lie spells photograph -iio
graph" There have only been three
worse than he. One lived in Kan
sas, and dated his letters .'llworth, >
another spelled Tennessee "lOaC, ["
and the other wrote VA"
A Boylan Grove, Iowa, man killed
q dog that bit him the other day.
and immediately thercupOn, a fair
young girl with tender blue eyes,
who owned the dog. came out Of the
hoase and brushing bach the golden
ourls that fell In tangled luxurance
over her intellectual brow, pulled a
revolver out Of her parasol pocset
aud filed tie air around the aston
lshed Boylan Grover ~ full Of lead
that he was only n mile and a halt
from the North Pole when be stop
ped running.-tHawkeye.
CnRsrIAs wARSINa.-Shew was
a colorcsl lady aud attending re-
vival Of religion, had worked her
self up TO the extreme pitch Of 70.
ing 10 the good place in a moment,
or sooner, " possible. As her friends
gave vent TO their feelings, she like.
wise gave vent To her feelings, and
exclaimed:
ii wish ! was q June bugg
A brother If sable hae, standing
near by, iaqaircd;
"WhAt you want 10 be one for p
That ! might ny 10 my Jesus"
"foa fool Niger; woodpeckcr
ke,ch you 'fore yos got half way
dar."
a Port Gibson young lady re
turned from boarding school last
week. Her fond mamma, quite de
lighted with her physical improve
ment began 10 inquire ~ 10 her
studies.
IL suppose you can play well on
the piano now, Mary. Play Money
Musk the Old virginy Keel aud
all them things"
"Oh," was the reply, II am far
Their advanced than that. I can ex-
ecute Rubenstein, LitE aud Chopin
"CLoppin," exclaimed the horror
stricken ma, ''cheppin Why Just
think, a daughter Of mine chopping
That's nlgger's work. But this
comes OF sending you 60 school ia
the North, where they amt got ANY
oolorcd help, and have 20 cut all
their wood themselves.-lPort Glib
son Standard.
JOSH BIIINas ON STaAwRERRIEs.
The strawberry il one of natures
sweet pets. She makes them worth
fifty cents the fust she makes, and
never allows them 10 be sold at
mean price.
The color ov the strawberry il
like the setting Nv the sun under.
meath q Thin cloud, with q delicate
splash Of rain in Il ia fragrance n
like the breath Of q baby when IL
fust begins 10 eat wintergroen loEen.
gers It's favor iE like the nectar nm
old fashioned goddess used 10 leave
at the bottom Nv the tumbler when
Jupiter stood treat on Mount Ida.
There In many breeds ov tins de.
llghtfal vegetable, but not a mean
one in the ball lot.
think have stole them. layin'
round loos. without any pedigree, In
somebodys grass, when l wuE a lazy
schoolboy, that eat drodfnl easy
without any white sugar on them,
and even bug mixed with them In
the hurry Of the moment. Cherries
IN good, but they are too much like
sucking q marble that has got a