The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1876-05-24
Meet me nj the Gate.
4 Useful Invention which will be GEN.
orally Adopted by Fathers OF
Marriageable ughters.
From the Burlington Hawk-Eye.l

sorrow every week, lives out on North
Hill with his wife and seven lovely,
blooming daughters. He has, with
all these seven lovely daughters, only
one front gate, and that is what makes
him pale. Last summer he spent S217
repairing that frCnt gate, putting in
new ones, and experimenting with va
rious kinds of hinges, and after all that
the gate swung there all through the
winter ON leather strap and piece
of clOthes-line, and there was peace in
the household, and the man grew fat.
But when the April days were nigh,
it became apparent to this man that
his troubles were at hand, and anxiety
soon drove the roses from his damask
cheeks and robbed his ribs of their sub
stance. He used to climb over the
back fence to avoid calling attention to
the disreputable-looking gate, but his
selflenial was of no avail. One even
ing his eldest daughter, Sophornia,
said :
"Pa, that horrible old gate is the
most disgusting thing on this street.
If you can't afford to have it fixed,
I'd take it away and put up a stile. I"
The pa only groaned. But an even
ing or so later, his youngest daughter
came in and said with considerable
warmth:
PA! | wish you had that beasty
old gate tied to your neck, that's what
| wish J"
And she dissolved in tears and evap-
GRATED up stairs in a misty cloud,
while her sisters followed slowly, cast
ing reproachful looks at pa. And the
next evening his third daughter Azelea,
came bouncing in the room about $50
p. NJ. with her gloves in condition to
indicate that she had been patting
gravel, and said, with some energy,
that if pa had no feeling other people
had, and she wished she was dead, she
did, and she hoped the next time that
pa went out from that hateful old gate
he'd fall from Arch street to the bridge,
so she did. And she broke down and
disappeared with a staccato accompani-
ment of sObs and snitfies. And the
next time that pa went out of that
gate, he found it PROSTATE between
the two posts, and saw that the fragile
strands of the clOthes-line had parted,
under some extraordinary pressure,
and that was what allied Azalea's gloves.
Pa saw there was nothing for it but a
new gate, and he groaned aloud as he
viewed the dreary prospect of furnish.
ing gates to support the manly forms
of the best young men in Burlington
for another summer. He pOndered,
and pOndered, and pondered. He be-
came the confident of carpenters he
was often seen guiltily showing differ
ent plans and drawings to blacksmiths
and cunning workers in iron and steel.
And in due time he had a new gate up,
a massive gate with great posts, orna-
mented and substantial, and the seven
sisters were pleased. They read in
the little brass plate that inform
ed them that patent was applied for,
the words, ''for 1870 pounds" but they
didn't understand what it meant until
last evening.
Last evening the weather, though
sufficiently cool to be bracing, admitted
1 test for the new gate. A murmur
Of voices arose from the vicinity of
that popular lovers retreat, as SOphro-
MA swung idly to and fro ON its heavy
frame. Presently a pale-faced man,
who held his hand upon his breast to
still his beating heart, as he crouched
N a dark corner of the porch, heard
Randolphus say:
"But believe me, Sophronia, my own
hearts idol, between the touches Of the
rude hand of tt" r-.-.-
As he began the word he leaned for
ward and bent his weight upon the
gate, and with a sharp click little
.rap-deOr IN the side Of the post flew
open, and gaunt, many jointed, arm
IF steel, with an iron knob as big as
Virginia gourd on the end of it, fen
,ut, and, with the rapidity of light
hing, hit Randolphus two resounding
pelts between the shoulders that sound
ID like bass drum explosion.
"Oh-h-h! gosh !" he reared, "Pm
stabbed! Pm stabbed !" and without
waiting to pick up. his hat, he fed,
for the doctor, while Soph-
rOnia rushed into the house crying,
pa pa! pa 1! Randolph is shot :" and
'wOOned. The pale-faced man said
but shrank further back into
he shadow, and thrust his handker-
chief into his mouth to stifie smile.
Pretty soon he knew the voice of his
laughter Azalia at the gate saying
goodnight. But q rich. manly voice
detained her, and the measured swing
If the gate was again heard in the dis
.ance. Soon he heard Lorenzo say, as
ne made reaay to climb upon the gate
"But whatever of sorrow may await
,ur future, dear one, l would it might
all upon me"
And justas he lifted his last foot
rom the ground, the trap opened and
he gaunt arm reached out and fell up
IN him with that big knob four times,
md every time it reached him, Lorenzo
hrieked
Bleeding heart! Oh, mercy, mer-
y, Mr.. Man Oh, murderi"
And as he ambled away in the star
light, wailing for arnica, Azalea fed
wildly to her home shrieking, "Oh, pa,
4 Il Il = Il