The sun. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1833-1916, 1876-01-30
4 TRYING SITUATION.
Mr. Bilderbsck's Painful Experience Daring
a Church Collection.

from me BNfhngOn HifcAfUc.
Mr.. BilderbaCk, we feel an hOriZcd to
state, will not attend dcvine rvice this morn
ing. The old gentleman Ia, we are pained to
learn, labOring under very distres ING frame
Of mind, being greatly incensed against churches
on general principles. He doesn't like ~ tax
about the matter, but we learned all about ", de
spite his reticence. IL seems that last Shnd y
morning tie was doing comfortably In his pew,
w the church Of which he Il one ~ the main
sleepers wh,n he bee me aware 81 an appnri
ton gliding snlemnly down tue aisle with a col
! elton basket IN It's hand. Mr.. Bilderback
nrlcea up INTO an e,eCt p"1pse, ''e grnne az
as one who should saw, who's been asleep
md as the basket was extended toward hun ne
wasn't there, ami as he Withdrew HIS hand. and
felt IN the other pocket he felt that the eyes ~
the congregation were upon him, and that was
all he felt, for he cert nly didn't feel any pock
etbOok. He nodded the basket man To wait a
second, and leaned over to the left white he ielt
in the right inside pocket OF his coat, from
which, In his Increasing nervousness, ne drew
bali dozen chestnuts, which rolled over the
door with a rattle that sounded In hts hot ears
like the thunders OF the Apocalypse, and made
them hotter stil Then he loaned over The end OF
the pew and felt In the other inside coat pocket
and drew out bunule Of letters, lot OF postal
cards, a circus ticket. a photograph OF an ctress
and a long string and hi. face grew SO hot thai
his breath felt ike a hot-air blast. Then ne
squared his elbows and went for his vest peck;
eta, and strewed the pew cushion with QUIZ
tOothpicks newspaper scraps, street car checks,
a shoe buttoner. some lead pencil stubs, AMI
cTumbling indications OF chewing tobacco. bit
OF sealing wax, a piece of ltcotice root about an
inch long, and three or four matches. Then ne
leaned forward, and stunR To Madness by the
smiles which were breaking out al around that
church worse than the measles In primary
school room, Owed into his coattail pockets
and drew forth red SILK handkerchief. two ap-
Piles, a spectacle case, PAIR OF dogskn gloves.
an overcoat button. and a fine assortment Of
bits OF dried orange peel and lint. Then he
stood M, devoutly praying that al earthquake
might come along and swallow mp either him or
the rest Of the congregation. he didut much
care which, and went down into his hip pockets.
from whicl he evolved revolver, a Corkscrew,
a cigar case, a piece Of string, memorand nm
book, and n pocket knife. Nv this time Mr..
Hlderback's face was scarlet clear down TO his
waist. and he was so nervous and worked up
that he nearly shook his clothes on while the
man wit h the basket couldn't have moved away
N he had died for staying. And when Mr.. I'LL
| derback, I'm fororn despair, once more rammed
hts hand into his trousers pocket where he be-
gan tue search, the congregation held its
breath, and when Mr. Iilderback drew forth the
| very pocketbook, which he had missed in his
first careless seach, and had since all hut strip
| ped to nnd, there was a sigh Of relief went ~
| from every devOut heart In that mouse. but
Mr.. Blderback only dropped into his seat with
an abrnptness that made the windows rattle,
and registered mental vow that he wasn't 90
| inc to come out To church again to he made a
| fool OF by man with a long-handled darning
/ basket