Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1876-05-01
HOW HE PUT ON THE RUBBERs.

Largest assortment in the county,
sir, and bought for cash"
"Wall, then, l want a pair. 'Spose
ye got any to fit that ?" and he planted
a number IA brogan on the counter for
inspection.
"0h, yes, plenty of 'em, sir. We have
everything from an infants slipper up
to a number Is plough shoe
"Don't b'lieve I'll take any slippers
to-day. But see here, now; 1 won't
have my feet pinched %
'oh, no; certainly not, sir. Here's
something big enough for gorilla"
"a gorilla ? What's that?'
"A gorilla, sir" replied the clerk,
brushing back the hair from his massive
forehead, sis the connecting link be-
tween man and beast-an animal, sir,
of the most grand and majestic appear
ance, whose feet are the biggest part of
its body"
"See here now, young man yer don't
mean to set me down as one of them
kind of critters, do ye. My feet amt
burned bit bigger'n yours, and your
mouth-well, now, eff had your mouth,
I'd travel with a side-show in the sum-
mer. and let it for tavern in the win
ter. Where in thunder do yer stow it
away nights Young man" he contin-
ued, balancing himself on the counter,
I'm an old man the SHOWS of nearly
seventy winters have whitened my once
raven locks. I've not long to stay in
this sinful world. I've seen sorrow. I've
felt the bitter pangs of poverty. I've
had my crops mildew. I've seen ny
sheep cut down by the foot-rot. Tn the
last of my race. But you're the ah-hred-
est homeliest man ever sot eyes on !
What ar yer standin there chswin gum
like country schoOlmarm, for? Why
don't yer trOt out yer goods ? never
can fit this pair on. Where's the prize
ter? Let's see another paj'
Here they are, sir, 'umbly replied
the clerk. He had 80 through fOOling
with that SGstop-.
"Thre, th,o seems nearer right" ex-
clpned tie old man, as he tugged away
IL .4n engine. "Ye amt got a size
larger, have ye ?''
l think you'll find that pair just the
thing after you've once had them on.
You see they'll stretch. If you get them
too large the snOw'n pull them off after
you've worn them a short time"
Don't know but yer right, young
man. Anyhow, let's give 'em 'nuther
pull. Hold on minute; let me get my
overcoat of. T"
He proceeded to divest himself Of hat
and coats, unbuttoned the two lower
buttons of his vest, and commenced the
pleasant recreation of introducing No.
ii overshoe to a No. 10 stoga.
For a good ten minutes he tugged and
kicked without a murmur, while the
sweat poured from the tip of his Roman
nose even as water gushed from the rock
smitten in the wilderness, and the veins
on his forehead stood out like ribs on a
dried skeleton.
That's coming on all right, encOur-
agingly remarked the silver-vOiced sales
man. "Have little patience, my dear
sir. Let me give you lift There
that's all right one more pull, and on
she goes"
Buttons few like chaff from thresh-
ing machine.
That paper collar melted like butter
in a July sun.
But that piece of rubber was conquer
ed at last; and like tussle brought Its
mate under subsection.
The venerable patriarch raised him.
self up with grOan. Every muscle IL
his body ached as though it had beer
pounded with trip-hammer.
Don't yer think they're jest hail
too tight ?" be managed to get out be
tween breaths.
.'Oh, no not bit; splendid fit, sir
settle down to your feet in an hour o
; two."
"Well, I've heerd tell about the came
going through the eye of a needle, " mus
! ed the veteran, "but burned eff b'liev
twas as close a shave as this J" And
0 CHASTITY smile glorifed his countenanc
as be put on his coat.
They'll give good deal after 70
have worn them little while, blandl
. remarked the clerk. as he pulled dow
y the old mans coat behind.
/ well. if they don't pinch. l don
:, care but they feel uncOmfOrt bic now
- And he waltzed out of that store
,e his toes, every few steps trying to ia
se his heels down into those rubbers.
About half an hour after, he was SET
leaning against hitching post. shakir
'e his fist in the direction Of that store
Is ..Ef l thought l could live to
be there he muttered. I'D make the m
IN erable little skunk eat 'em, buckles a
s ALL He knew they'd pinch me. the
- in little cur p
Id Then all of sudden. his face light
i mn with a radiance beautiful to behold