The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1876-04-13

the chap that is in the tree | should
have killed him, sure as | went back.
GOod-by, sir, good-by; you have taken
great load off my mind. My reason
has stood the strain of one of your agri-
cultural articles, and | know that moth
| ing can ever unseat it now. GO0d-6y,
sir.n
felt a little uncomfortable about the
eripplings and arson this person had
been entertainingSh himself with, for I
could not help feeling remotely acces
sorry to them. But the thoughts were
quickly banished, for the regular editor
walked in. q thought to myself, now,
if you had gone to Egypt, as hal re-
commended you to, l might have had
a chance to get my hand in, but you
wouldn't do it, and here you are. L
sort of expected yOu.)
The editor was looking sad, and per-
picked, and detected.
He surveyed the wreck which that
old rioter and these two young farmers
had made and then said: ''This is a
sad business very sad business.
There is the mucilage bottle broken,
and six paneS of glass, and spittOOn,
and two candlesticks. But that is not
the worst. The reputation of the paper
is injured permanently, fear. True,
Ethere never was such a call for the pa
per before, and it never sold such, a
large edition, or scared to such celebri-
tY; but does one want to be famous for
lunacy, and prosper on the infirmities
of his mind? Ny friend, as | am an
honest man, the street out here is full of
people, and others are roosting on the
fence, waiting to get glimpse of you,
because they think you are crazy. And
well they might, after reading your edi-
torials. They are a disgrace to journal
ism. Why, what put it into your head
that you could edit paper of this ma
ture? You do not seem to know the
first rudiments of agriculture. You
speak of a furrow and a harrow as be-
ing the same thing; you talk of the
molting season for cows, and you rec
ommend the domestication Of the pole
cat on account of its playfulneSs and its
excellence as ratter. Your remark
that clans win lie quiet if music be
played to them was superfluous-en-
tirely superfuous. Nothing disturbs
clans. CLANS GiWays lie quiet. CLANS
care nothing whatever about music.
And heavens and earth, friend! If you
had made the acquiring of ignorance
the study of your life, you could not
have graduated with higher honor than
YOU could to-day L never saw any
thing like it. Your observation of the
hOrse-chestnut, as an article of COM
merce steadily gaining in favor, is sim
ply calculated to destroy this journal.
| want you to throw up your situation
and 90. l want no more hOliday-I
could not enjoy tiff had it. Certainly
not with you in my chair. IwOUld al
ways stand in dread of what you might
be going to recommend next. 1t makes
me lose all patience every time think
of your discussing oyster under the
head of Landscape Gardening want
you to 90. Nothing on earth could per-
suade me to take another holiday. Oh!
why didn't you tell me you didn't know
any thing about agriculture"
"Tell you, you cornstack, you cab
| bage, You son Of caulitlOWeri it's the
| first time | ever heard such an unfeel-
/ ing remark. | tell you | have been in
the editorial business going Oh fourteen
years, and it is the first time ever
heard of 4 mans having to know any
thing in order to edit q newspaper.
You turnip! Who write the dramatic
cIitiques for the secOnd-rate players? (?
| Why, a parcel of promoted shoemakerS
and apprentice apOthecaries, who know
| Just as much about good acting rs | do
about good farming, and no more.
/ Who review the books? People who
never wrote one. Who do up the heavy
leaders on finance? Parties who have
the largest opportunities for knowing
nothing about it. Who criticise the In
| dian campaigns? Gentlemen who do
not know a war-whOOp from wiGwam,
and who never have had to run foot
race with a tomahawk, or pluck arrows
out of several members of their families
to build the evening campfire with.
Who write the temperance appeals and
clamor about the flowing bowls? Folks
| who will never draw another sober
breath till they do it in the grave. Who
edit the agricultural papers, you yam?
Men, as a general thing, who fail in the
poetry llIts JCllON-CoNCACO CO hONCl A4S3
sensation drama line, city editor line,
and finally fall back on agriculture as a
temporary reprieve from the poor-hOuse.
You try to tell me any thing about the
newspaper business! Sir, l have been
through it from Alpha to Omaha, and |
tell you the less a man knows the big
ger noise he makes and the higher sala-
ry he commands. Heaven knows, if
had been ignorant, instead of cultivated,
and impudent instead of dillident, /
could have made a name for myself in
this cold, selfish world. | take my
leave, sir. Since l have been treated az
you have treated me, am perfectly will
ling to 90. But have done my duty.
have fulfilled my contract as far as |
was permitted to do it. | said could
make your paper of interest to all class
es-and l have. | said l could run
your circulation up to 10000 copies,
and if l had had two more weeks I'd
have done it. And I'd have Civ
en- YOU the best class of readers
that ever an agricultural paper had
not a farmer in it, nor a solitary indi-
vidual who could tell a watermelon tree
from a peach vine to save his life. You
are the loser by this rupture, not me,
pie-plant. Adios."
l then left.
BAKED RICE PUDDING.-BOil1 coffee
/ < 20