The Cincinnati daily star. [volume] ([Cincinnati, Ohio]) 1875-1880, 1876-12-23

turn, let tue house pc as neat as new
pin, and the home as happy as a home
can be-"
A foFgiving disposition works best
when there is nothing to forgive. A liar
can starCely be called competent Wit
ness on the side 0f truth. Hat-rdck-tive
furniture should always be plIc I'd in the
hall OF fa'house. All the wcrld'san omni-
bus, and there IL always room for one
more in it.-tN. o. Rep.
They were married about six weeks
afterward, and now she HASN'T been
kissed for 30 long that she couldn't tell
kiss from a bite, and she carries her
head high all the time, SO as to watch
him and the hired girl.
The young man who owns a mousse
colored horse and a red sleigh, is the
only party in the changing, vast, illimit-
able West who is praying for snow. And
he doesn't pray for snow so mucn as he
swears because there is none.
Most people use their minister as
Moliere did his physician. e"Of what
use is your doctor?" said the king to
ply, ''he gives me prescriptions and
never follow them--that is ALL"
One cranberry patch in Pennsylvania
yielded one thousand and nineteen
bushels this year, and when man
stopped to look at the crop five minutes,
1t drew his mouth up into such q knot
that he couldn't find his mus tache.
"Which, my dear lady, do you think
the merriest place In the worllW "That
Immediately above the atmosphere thai
surrounds the earth, l should think"
"And why sop "Because | am told
hot n bni
ity" af.,r.. -.
1t doesn't tend to soften your feelings
a particle to have the gentleman who is
delivering load of coal for man,
deity slide scoop shovel full Of black
diamonds down yourneek and then cry
out "HallOW in tones of CHEEKY, good
natured astonishment.
A Vinton schoolma'am slipped ON an
10y step Thanksgiving Day and fell,
fracturing her arm so badly that eman-
cipated pupils lrisk around without a
fear of the rod thai erstWhile shaped
their ends rough. 1t is an III wind, say
the Juveniles, that doesn't blow any
where.
One Of the customers in a barber-shop
sees dog OF ungainly aspect sitting OPP
posite intently watching him. "Wny
Y.
sir, occasionally my hand slips, and |
am SO unfortunate as to snip off bit OF
ear" 'Eh! and what thenr "Why,
then he eats it."
The paragraphist of the future will
write such items as this: "a strong
wind came through q window and over
turned Mrs. Weedel's crematory Jar yes
terday forenoon, and her husbanu's urn
ings were swept away in tWinkling."
II Norristown He aid.
1t is enough to make the ordinary man
burst with envy to see Peter Cooper
pick up the morning paper, and with
never glance at the telegraph head-
lines or political columns, turn over to
the commercial page and run his finger
down the column for &C.," and saving
under his breath as he searches, "Glue,
glue, glue" lps maddening. ~, 4
The Czar is suffering from very heavy
cold and his nose is just as big and red,
and he uses as many handkerchiels Der
diem, and looks as ridiculous, sitting
with his feet in q hub OF hot Water'and
his m0ustache In hot whisky, as though
he was only second book-keeper in a re-
tail grocery. A bad cold makes all men
equal. AT least, it makes all men
sneeze alike, anu should not the self
same knees support the self same
manp
Young man, lay your hand on your
heart, llft your eyes and your hone to
heaven, and in the warning light of ter
rible experience swear that you will
never, never, never touch drop. The
first man ever admitted from the streets,
a reeling, besotled patient, into a Chi
cago inebriate asylum has become q Su-
preme Court Judge. Heaven, in its
boundless wisdom and omniscience,
alone knows what the SECOND one may
come to. Congress, maybe.
Independence, Iowa, has just had It's
star temperance lecture, and 1t didn't
cost as much as Cough, either. Timo-
Thy Maher, on his way from saloon to
his home, fell by the wayside, overcome
with liquor, and was found dead in the
morning. And the next day did all the
young men who had learned to tarry
long at the wine, dash the maddening
bowl to the ground aud lay their hands
on their hearts, &c? No, they dropped
In at the same old place the usual hour,
and as they drained their draughts OF
Rhenish down, winked and said lightly
one to another, "Well, here's what
killed poor Tim"
A gentleman named Mr.. George, who
was stopping at a hotel ,int Edayyflle,
was one night awakened, like Abou
Ben Adam, from a deep dream of peace,
and saw within the moonlight of his
room, making it dark and dismal with
its gloom man with a revolver in his
erin who placed his fHger upon Georges
Zip, and asked him il he hadWG about
$3.50 that he wanted to let out on long
time. By singular coincidence Mr..
George had just that SUM, and, under
the circumstances, Was quite anxious to
put it out on long time. So the gentle-
man with the artillery put out with it
for him, and made the quickest time Mr..
George had ever remarked in similar
The gentleman did not
leave his card, and appears to have been
d stranger in those parts.
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