The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-09-01

TINE. in youth, goes as slow as hack
hired by the hour. 49, ai 10 bae
ST.. JOSEPH, NO., claims to have the
dirtiest Jail in America. sI1alru
ad A BosroN waiter, the other day, on
being reprimanded for his inattentive-
ness, replied "They also serve vino
only stand and wait" N
THERE is nothing makes an old
bachelor so made as to have young lady
stop horse-car and keep II waiting
while she kisses f-iend.-NeaO Orleans
Republican.
EDrrH-I say, Reey, how is it that
one of our cows is brown and the other
whitel Rsginald-Why, you silly,
any one knows that It's the white COW
that gives the milk, and the brown COW
the coffee Fan.
THERE is real italian Count at the
Clifton, Niagara. He is a waiter. The
young ladies, admiring his dark hair and
naughty mien, invariably whisper to
their grumpy old paps, in the language
of the Scotch ballad: " Fee him, father;
fee him." tfof.b
LIKE az a plank Of drift wood
.f. Tossed on the watery main Fgh
Another plank encounters, ts
observation-disclosures again;
SO, tossed and drifting, ever
Hrf On LIES unresting sea. f4E
Men meet, and greet, and sever, .--
Parting eternally.
-Sanscrit.
AMONG the Sioux Indians mother-in-
law can be thrashed with lodge pole if
she looks her son-in- law in the face for
the first year of his marriage.-Fs'ee
Press. AS logical conclusion, we pre-
sumo she always takes him by his back
hair when she per Sioux him.-Phil0-
d }l2ohia Bulletin. sA
The society writer of the Peoria Demo
crat says of the distinguished custom of
eating exclusively with the fork /: 1.-The
fashion originated with hotel servants,
because the securing of knives in these
caravansaries was the most serious Job
of the whole daily round of duties.
ANoRRIsTowN gentleman who couldn't
decide to which one of the leading
American colleges to send his son, has
now concluded to enter him In the one
that made the poorest time at the recent
boat races at Saratoga. He thinks there
is more studying and less boat-racing in
that institution. -NOrristOaO Herald.
One of the youngsters who was fond
of Bible stories swallowed bottleful of
paragoric because it was nice. They
gave him powerful emetic, and he thus
described the sequel to his brother !:
"Budgie, was a whay-al, regular
whay-al. I didn't fro up Jonah, but I
frew up lots Of uver things. p Cincinnati
Times.
X. IS entering his lodging in Paris
and asks of the porter "Anything for
me to-day2" EYES," replies the tyrant
OF the doorway some letters, but 1
don't know what is in them" Which
reminds one of the other concierge who
hands ledger postal card with an in
vitation to breakfast. The lodger is read
ing when the porter interrupts him
kindly: "You have no time to waste, The
cries she expects you at noon, sharp :"
The other day man took home a
book containing several anecdotes show
ing the power of imagination, and, after
reading them to his wife, he tenderly
said +: Snow, Angelina, you may imae-
inc that you hear me kissing Madalina
Al oho otucI IoOul, anu you see now
wicked it would be to accuse me OF such
a thing" "Julius JOHN" she replied in
a smooth voice, :" il ever L imagine such
a thing, you'll need doctor within if
teen minutes, and I'll send for him, no
matter what the book says"
ABOUT an hour before a game of base
ball is to come off on the cricket grounds
the members of each club assemble
at an appointed rendezvous. The
Captain arrives, calls the roll, discovers
that all are present, and then asks
Secretary, did you order gallon of
arnica and some splints and plaster5"
II did," is the reply. "Treasurer. have
you arranged with an undertaken to hold
himself in readiness2' CT have"
I" Pitcher, did you secure a burial lot in
Elmwoodi" 81 did," "Thea LET ns
march to the grounds and to a glorious
victory or noble deathl" Aud thew
march.-Free Press.
"Old Pap'so statue.
on ora Of fha r,,, =, -, WI.