South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-05-12
WIT AND HUI NOR.


vLast week a jury in Carroll Coun.
ty, Ga, brought in. this verdict: 1--WE,
the jury, agree to disagree" The Judge
unanimously agreed thereupon to fine
them five dollars each.
THE revival feeling is spreading.
but IL hasn't yet got down deep enough
to affect arrearages on the county news.
paper books.
VA physician boosted at dinner
that be- cured his own hams, when one
Of his guests remarked: "Doctor. I'd
sooner be your ham than your patient"
IVA Tennessee widow had an old
mule which was likely to die. She cut
his throat, laid the sin to unknown enc.
mics, and q public subscription pur.
chased her the incest, sleekest mule in
town.
1Foote was talking away one even.
ing, at the dinner.table, to man of
rank. when, at a point Of one of his best
stories, one of the party interrupted him
suddenly with an air Of most consider
ate apology. 81 beg your pardon. Mr..
Foote. but your handkerchiefis half out
OF Your pocket" Thank yon, sir"
said Foote. replacing it; .'you know the
company better than / do" and finished
the joke.
SV'"My boy" said solemn visaced
evangelist to n lad who had just emery.
ed from e hair-pulling match with another
boy, do You expect to live hereafter in
q land Of pure delight"
NO." said lad, "Pve busted another
button otfn my trousers, and cxpect
Ito get licked fur it."
When Massachusetts, CLERGYMAN
recently inquired of n certain lady if
she was ready to give upworldly pleas
ures, she answered by asking if he was
ready to give up chewing tobacco in
the presence of ladies -
@ The man who originally said that
Virginia is the mother of Presidents"
might. now discover that Virginia is a
widow without any orphans.-Neu York
Herald.
n SAFE lNvEsTDiENT.-A colored
resident Of Detroit who occasionally
lends a few dollars on good security,
was the other day invited to lend a
neighboring cobbler thirty dollars on q
note of hand running thirty days.
suppose dat note comes due and Won
haven't de CASH." inquired the capitalist.
1tBut / will have."s .L
but s'pose you haven't?''
= The cobbler coulden't get over that
and he was looking very serious when
the capitalist got q bright idea, and
said
"Wc kin fix dat. You may he
good, or you may not be. I'm good.
and we bof knows it, "cause here's de
cash right here. You make de note
and I'll back it. L knows myself, YOU
see, and de capitalist who won't lend
money on his own ''dorsement han't no
business head ON him I"
And they fixed it that way.
tV An actor fell through a loose tran
as he was leaving the stage. Emerging
instantly afterwards he was met with a
hearty laugh and the remark of wag,
Il am sorry to see you descend to such
clap.trap manRuvres as that" Yes"
was the quick reply, "but you'll admit
that never undertake anything without
going through
9A Fort Madison man went into
his COW stable the other day, and by mis-.
take mixed her up nice mash in a box
full Of saw-dust instead of bran. The
COW, merely supposing hard times had
come, and they were all going TO econo.
mize. meekly ate her supper, and that
man never discovered his mistake until
the next morning when he MIXED that
cow, and she let down half gallon of
'turpentine, a quart Of shoe pegs, and q
bundle Of lath.
John, you said Sally kissed You
did you kiss her back?" mo / kiss.
cd her face
Ep"ralk about the extrayaoanco I'M
dress Of women - cries Martha Jane ex.
ultin2ly; what do you say TO Tweed,s
six million suit. I'd like to know lie
isn't woman / guess"
~A heightened New York woman
"on DuIton ner own CATERS, because
its low business. But she might elevate
1t considerably by putting her foot on
the mantlepiece when she buttons her
shoe.
tV"Miss Smith, does cormornnt !
eat Strawberries" Law INC no child.
What put that in your head?" Cause
ma told Sarah not to bring out the straw.
berries and cream until that old cormor.
ant, Miss Smith, had gone" Abont
ten minutes afterward that child and
his mother went up into the attic and
played peas hot and peas cold' Tor
nearly an hour.
tV At a collection made at n charity
ialr lady offered the plate to a rich |
vol Lnntun g. l..