American citizen., 1876-10-14
WIT AND WISDOM.

"WHAT ails dis peoples of America,
says an old traveller from Germany,
'is dot dey walks NIT der legs too
much in der shtreet gars out, und don't
get some muscles some more"
The census-takers of the Young
Mems Christian Association of Jersey
City report that there are "thirty-five
saloons to each church in that city" :"
Why church has so many saloons is
something we can't understand. We
should think ten would suffice the
largest church in the city.-Norris-
torn Herald.
"I HAVE just reached my 18th year,"
lisped Chicago maiden to her lover,
the other evening. just then her half
grown brother happened to come in,
and thoughtlessly exclaimed: "Why,
sis!-you only 10? You've been 1S
ever since knew you'll - OF course
the boy lied, but then the effect, you
| know.
A ANEAR-sIGHTED man out on South
Hill went wandering around among his
carrant bushes yesterday afternoon, and
stopped down and pulled a live Centen-
nial wasp's nest up by the roots to see
what it was. He didn'tget it anywhere
near the focus of his eyes before he had
an idea that it was a fiat iron some of
the women had set out to cool; then he
thought it might be concentrated case
of prickly heat; and then it dawned
upon him that he had picked up raw
| thunderbolt, and finally his heart went
clear down into his boots as he realized
that he had got hold of the dangerous
end of the He'll Gate explosion, and
pulled it off. And he doesn't know any
better yet.-Haack-ege.
PRENTICE MULFoRD writes from the
Centennial that "There is a certain
species of irritation in perpetually run
ming afoul of George Washington every
where-George Washington on canvas,
in oil, in water colors, on village tavern
signs-George w. in marble, in terra
Gotta, India-rubber, gutta-percha-in
tallow, wax, stearine, gum, soap-in
iron, brass and bronze-in sewing-ma-
chine work, wire work, hair work-and
always George Washington, no matter
how hot, no matter how cold, the wealth
er-G. W. with that monotonously Sc
rene Father of his Country face-and
G. W. doing nothing but standing there
a perpetual model of greatness and be-
nevolence. ct &
ONCE there was a powerful and
wealthy king full of cares and very un-
happy He heard of man famed for
his wisdom and piety, and after dill
gent search found him in cave on the
border of wilderness. "Holy man. -
said the king, CT come to learn how to
be happy" Without making reply,
the wise man led the king over q
rough pathway, till he brought him in
front of high rock, on top of which
an eagle built her nest. s'Why has the
eagle built her nest yonder? " he asked
the king. Doubtless" answered the
monarch, g that it might be out of dan
ger.'' sThen initiate the bird,'' said
the wise man "Build thy home il
heaven, and thou shalt have peace and
happiness"
MAN is the only animal that evel
blows his nose. The alligator has {
nose nearly two feet long, and he never
blows it. The elephant can reach ovel
his nose and tickle his hind legs, ane
he often does, but he never wipes it
The blue-nosed baboon has cerulear
proboscis, of which the noblest anima
may be proud, but it goes unblown
The double-nosed pointer has immense
capacity for blowing, but he neve1
will, and the oyster, whose nose reach
es clear round to his back, refrain!
from exercising it. Man alone ha.
reached the height of pocket-hand
kerchief, and he proudly waves hi
bandanna as sufficient evidence o
of his superiority. @
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