New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1876-03-19

WHICH are I0WlGI00t IA tU0IE 00t010, 8UO
come on again at successive intervals.
Every few moments the thought of tho
performance would come back again, and
there would be new outburst.
All this time the disconnected young
minister stood with his back to the audi
ence, looking out of . window, and, like
the dying dolphin, turning all shades Of
color, and going through an assortment
experiences ashamed, provoked, amused
and disguised, each in turn. Finally. he
said: s:Now we have all had our laugh out.
let us sing hymn, and then go on with
the sermon" and the crowd. like . tired
child, sleepy and ready for lullaby, was
at last quiet once more.
A venerable professor who was present
at this experience meeting" related his
ordeal of humor as follows:
''The Rev. DR.. was invited to
preach before the young in the GENITAL
Westinghouse of the town. Two Of the
young ladies' boarding schools and the
boys Of the academy were present It was
An audience ready for anything to amuse
them.
"Just as the preacher announced his
text duttering was heard in the window,
and in walked o large black hen. With
that peculiar hen-ike walk in which the
stretched out head and neck keep time to
the movement of the feet, she advanced
to the side of the minister and, unmind-
full of the audience, peered over the open
pulpit platform down on the pews below.
Unabashed by that sea of faces, she
seemed to be looking about for some place
in which to lay an egg. The preacher
looked at her; the boys and girls, dying to
to seize the opportunity and make . scene
in church, cast their eyes upon her long
ingly. The entire church was still when
the Rev. DR.. - said to me, as was sit
ting in the front pew, Professor p. will
you remove that bird?'
IF be had asked me to storm battery.
I would have been as willing as I was
then to risk the failure of catching the
hen. But, with solemn face and q
stately step, as if was about to give ont
the alms-boxes, walked up to the bird
and in an instant of silence, the like of
which I never experienced before, I
caught the hen and disappeared into the
vestry-room. But to this day ask myself
the question of the other side of the issue;
Suppose you had failed to catch the hen,
what would you have done?'"
The last experience mentioned was
that of clergyman at his first baptism
of infants. He was then very young in
years, and had never before held baby
that he could remember of, much less held
q baby and q book in the presence of q
church full ofpeople. The first infant given
into his arms was big. squirming boy Of
thirteen months, who Immediately began
L. hSo 1>Al
and wrappings. The minister held on
bravely, but in a few moments the
child's face disappeared in the wraps,
and his dangling legs beneath were
worming their way to the floor. Seized
with the horrible impression that the
child was tunneling his way. through his
clothes, and would soon be on the floor
in q state of nature, he clutched the
clothes violently by the sash-bsnd, and,
straddling the child upon the chancel-rsil.
said to the mother, IF you don't hold
that baby he will certainly be through his
clothes. and shall have nothing left but
the dress to baptize."
There are many causes for these pro-
fessional blunders, though sometimes
they come out of an apparently clear
sky. observation-disclosures is one of these
causes
A lady in q certain church not long ago
destroyed the devotion of portion Of the
congregation by sitting in front pew in
summer time with child's doll stuffed in
her skirts in the place OF the conventional
hustle. There were the head and arms
appealing to the congregation for deliver
ance, and the lady, all the while, was
singing like an unconscious angel.
An instance of clerical absent-minded-
ness which We knew to be true is as fol-
lows: An Irish minister was invited to
baptize a friends child, which he did.
emitting altogether, however, to put any
water upon its head. The parent took
the bowl and presented it to the minister,
but he declined it. Thereupon the father
took the water q second time, and insisted
upon his taking it. The bewildered cler-
gyman held the bowl for q moment and
then said: II had glass of water before
came into church, but SO long as you in
sist on my drinking this, will do it,
though l assure you I am not at all
thirsty" And he actually drank the
water from the baptismal bowl.
Ignorance of the true situation is an
other cause of professional mistakes. 1t
is a safe rule in travelling to expect every
body to do as other people do, and to take
nothing for granted until first we find out
definitely the simple facts of the case for
ourselves. And there are good rules in
other matters. Some time ago, in large
Roman Catholic Church, funeral was
appointed to be held at one clock. Il
was grave digger and assistant sexton,
who had fallen into drinking habits. who
was to be buried. The prizes. who was
to conduct this particular funeral was half
an hour late, and, on arriving at the
church and seeing the funeral procession
waiting for him, went on with the service
As there were supposed to be many of the
old grave-digger's friends present, the
priest thought it a good opportunity to
speak kindly of the deceased, and point
moral from the sad ending So he began
rs follows:
''This man, my friends, whom we are
about to bury. though addicted to great
and common vice, was in every respect
true man."
Father Melaylee, whispered an Irish
man, ''let me spake word to yez."
NO." replied the priest. II will not be
interrupted. l know this poor mans
faults before me, but he was true man
in spite of his failing"
30 Father Melaylee,' groaned out two
of the pall-bearers, lust listen to us;
please, Father Melaylee, only a word,
your reverence!
NO." said the indignant priest, 81
will not yield for one moment. As was
saying, this poor man before me was
'Father Melaylee, cried out the ire
pressible mourner. "the tother priest has
buried the grave-digger half an hour ago;
this ones . woman we're burying, sure
and it's Tim LanaQan's wife wa'ye cot