Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-12-20
HUMOROUS.

oulreo country music committee man
OF q young lady who applied for posi-
ton in the choir.
A LADY wished seat in 2, crowded
hall. A handsome gentleman gave
her chair. You are a. Jewel. she
said. 80, no, am a ieweler: I have
just set the jewel"
JOSH BILLINGS says first-rate thing
occasionally. For instance: Per,
severance always wins. I have known
1t to win in hundred cases where it had
never ought to-"
Blu: "What, jim, my bow, met
with another accident ?" Jim: "Ac-
cldent [ meet with nothing else I
never go out but expect to see myself
brought home dead on shutter"
MoNoGRAMs are no longer fashion
able, and people who desire to be in
style will set to work on the tea-kettle,
coal bunker and ice-chest, and pause
not till the last end of monogramism is
rubbed out. ..l mo
GEOGRAPHICAL.-Scen on cars be-
tween the Centennial Grounds and
Philadelphia. Say, Uncle Bile, wot
rivers this? 5 this the Hudson? p
IVY, no, lsrel; you're turned round,
amt ye? This is Pennsylvania river,
they call it the Goosequill."
THE speaker st an anniversary meet
Ing mournfully said zone by one our
friends are passing from us into the
land of shadows" "Well," exclaimed
an old lady, "you wouldn't have 'em 90
two by two, or all in a huddle, would
your"
g TICKET, sir p said a railroad ticket
collector the other day to passenger.
My face is my ticket" replied the
other, little vexed. Indeed ?" said
the ticket collector, displaying a most
powerful bunch Of fives," "Wel, my
orders are to punch all tickets p st.1..
A BINGHAMToN man is suing for a
divorce from his wife on the plea that
she has glass eye that is always open
nights, and the "aspect makes him
nervous" He coaxed her to close it
with red scaling wax, but that only in
creased his terror.
A BOSTON newspaper asserts that a
western manufacturer sent a pair of
lady's slippers to the Centennial with
out designating their use, and they
were at once assigned prominent
place among boats and nautical affairs.
A sEEDY-LooKING Chinaman with two
companions waltzed into Denver
bank and inquired: How muchee
sellee gold % "One nine," was the
thousand dollar."1 The bank didn't
have enough on hand 10 supply the
seedy-looking Celestial, who is going
back to fatherland.
THINGS is getting slouchways in dis
country, declar to erasmus eff dey
amt" said an old negro the other
day. a" First cum de cattypiller, den
de chicken kollery, an now here cum
de grasshoppers; an I hear de udder
day dat a niger was pisened with
mushmillion. Looks like hard times
you, heerd nay horn" as5
The servant approaches his mistress
with penitent air, having a little crys-
tai vase in his hand. MADAME, you
know these little vases on the mantel-
piece that you value SO highly? Ihave
broken one of them into thousand
pieces" Then, as she regarded him in
silent horror, ''It wasn't this one,
madame; it was the other"
ATHENETM:-It IS only too common
to divide the inhabitants of European
Turkey broadly into Turks and Chris
tians. We seem, however, to recognize
three distinct classes Of Turks-the
agricultural Turks, who possess all sorts
of primitive virtues in perfection; the
official Turk, who plumbers, and the
bashi- bnzouk, VINO murders"
They had been engaged long time,
and one evening We're reading the pa
per together. Look, love-" he ex-
claimed, "only s15 for suit of
clothes!" Is it a wedding suit 2" she
asked, looking naively at her lover.
cob, no !" he replied, " it is business
suit" Well, I meant business" she
replied"
IT was half past ten as Ninth Street
girl yawned and asked him if he liked
poetry. He said, Yes, DEAR" then
she murmured,
Now I lay me down to Sleep"
and it so disturbed the Judgment that
he took the old mans hat instead of
his own. op4
A BOY in Sunday school proposed
question to be answered the Sunday
follows: Chow many letters does the
Bible contain" The answer was three
millions, five hundred and thirty thou
sand, three hundred and three. The Su-
perintendent says to James: Is that
right" mo, sir" was the prompt re-
ply. "Will you please tell us how
many there are, then?" Twenty-six,
SIR"
WE had shipped q heavy sea, the
furniture in the smoking room had be-
come loose, and I crawled into the
dining-room, where, found Mrs. w.
stretched upon the sofa, holding on by
the curtains. Are you ill?" I ex-
claimed. The vessel gave a lurch in
her usual style, and we chung to the
curtain together. No." she answered,
"but how can we amuse ourselves
The water is in the cellar and it i. too
wet to go on the roof"
CONVERSATION near the marriage IL
cense clerks desk, between a clergy