The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1876-01-29

to a lady as follows: 'To curing your
husband till he died"
AHARrFoRD bride writes TO say that
n wedding trip in a Pullman car is the
summit of human bliss.
FLORIDA papers report an almost total
allure OF the sponge crop. No doupt
ponging will be plenty, though.
A VERMONT family has wash-dish
fiftv-one years old. This statement can
be taken without any water in it.
HALLS Journal Of Healh says that it
isn't healthy to sleep down stairs. Ho-
tel clerks have long possessed the same
idea.
An old convict's advice to his son:
"Never steal horse, my boy. unless
he is faster than any other in the neigh
borhood.
HUMAN nature is weak after all. and
if there are tracks from the woodpile to
the house around the corner. lay it to
the cats
The Rev. Mr.. Hicks says that he is
still taken to the bosom of the best fami-
lies. At this rate the parson will never
be weaned
THE idea that it will make no differ
ence hundred wears hence. is an error;
it will make hundred years difference,
at least
An old gentleman who went to meet
two pretty nieces for whom he was legal
guardian. told his wife he was going to
n ward meeting
You will notice that when boy steps
on Canada thistle. or sticks II splinter
into his foot. it's invariably few seconds
before school
MISS CAvENpIsH, the English actress,
is coming and some one remarks that
she is fine-cnt Then the critic can puff
her if he chews.
OUR Dan, on seeing "a laundry wagon
smashed up lately, remarked that 1t
seemed to need ironing. At all events
it was well mangled.
PROBABLY more domestic unhappi-
ness arises from the fact that the cook
doesn't know how to cut pie in equal
pieces than from any other source.
WHEN you hear man boldly assert
ing that his motto is ''Principles not
men, keep your eyes open. He will
never pay back borrowed money.
OMNIBUssEs originated i'll Paris III
1897. The other kind of busses, which
are specially desired by young men and
maidens. were discovered some years
previous.
"A POCKET burglar alarm is among
recent patents. '-Er. We would like
to try one OF them. il somebody would
contrihute enough to make it an object
TO the burglar.
SAID young man to his bachelor mn
Gle. "What advice would you give a
Young man who was contemplating mat
rimonv?" Il should advise him to keep
on contemplating it.
''Is Your master up?" asked an early
visitor of Il nobleman's valet Yes,
cir, " reioined the valet with great limo
cence. ''the butler and | carried him
up about three o'clock.
Two HUNDRED words a minute is Mr.
Moody's linguistic pace, but we know II
woman who could distance him in fiji
teen minutes, and show no sign of dis
tress.
A New YORK paper incidentally refers
to piano tuners as ''unscrewpulons fell
lows" and they are professional wire
pullers who don't mind straining Il
point, that's fact
LITTLE HARRY, five years old. was
called to see the new baby. After II
moments contemplation, he turned to
his expectant papa with, "We didn't
need that.
"You haven't opened Your mouth
l.,1A III nj
F. to IL fellow member. 80 yes, | have.
wos the reply, Il yawned through the
whole of your speech.
In Providence and Worcester the
price of milk has gone up two cents Il
quart for the Winter, but our excellent
system of water works enables mllken
here to retail at the old rates.
A LECTURE entitled "All About the
Devil had an audience of only thirteen
persons in Richmond The balance of
the populace thought they couldn't
learn anything new.
IT is said that the human body con-
tains over two pounds of lime. This
makes it easy for congressional com
mittee to whitewash Government
official.
A WAC, in what he knows about farm
ing, gives IL very good plan to remove
widow weeds. He says good looking
man has only to say, wilt thou?" and
they wilt.
A DISTINGUISHING machine is the latest
invention. They will continue to invent
washers. wringers. ironers. sewers and
one thing and another till women won't
Ike worth fifteen cents dozen.
john THOMAS, of Jersey City, swal-
lowed II hundred and fifty pills the other
day to spite his wife. tie ism dead