Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1876-01-28
lob Work-CASH ON DELIVERY

der's the other morning on my way
down town, and, as | knew them we'll,
I entered the side door without knock.
ing-I was shocked to find Mr.. Ma
gruder PROSTATE on the floor, while
Mrs. Magruder sat upon his chest
pulling his hair, humping his head on
the boards, and scolding him savagely,
They got up when l came in; and
poor Magruder, wiping the blood fro"
his nose, tried to pretend it was only
joke. But Mrs. Magruder inter-
rupted him.
"Joke? joke ? I should think not!
I was giving him dressing down. lie
wanted to have prayers before break
fast, ana l was determined to have
them after; and as he threw the
Bible at me and hit Mary Jane with
the hymn book, | soused dowa on
him. If cannot rule this house, I'll
know why. Pick up them Scriptures,
sir, and have prayers. You hear me,
Its more trouble regu-
latin the piety Of this family than
runnin' saw mill. Mary Jane give
your pa that hymn book J.
IT'S all right to talk about bringing
up child in the way he should 80,
but the other day when Third street
woman set out to do it, a man halted
at the gate and shouted:
"Go in mother-cripple the boy for
life -
And woman leaned over the
fence and screamed:
"Why don't you cut his throat"
And a boy climbed on the alley
fence, waved his hat, and cried out:
"Why in blazes hain't the repor-
ters around here to get this lawful
tragedy =
And the mother had to stop pound
ing and get into the house.
Gentlemen. | can't lie about the
horse-he is blind Of one eye" said
the auctioneer. The horse was soon
knocked down to a citizen who had
been greatly struck by the auction
eer's honesty, and after paying for
the horse, he said " You were honest
enough to tell me that this animal
was blind Of one eye. Is there any
other defect 2" Eyes, sir, there is. He
is also blind in the other eye!" was
the prompt reply.
MoDEsTy.-A modest young lady,
desiring leg OF chicken, at the ta-
bic, said:
"I'll take the part which ought to
be dressed in drawers T.
A young gentleman opposite imme-
diately called for that part which
ought to wear the hustle
Hartshorn was Immediately admin
istered to the lady; she required it.
Two young city ladies, in the coun-
try, were standing by the side Of a
wide ditch, which they didn't know
how to cross. They appealed to a
boy who was coming along the road
for help, whereupon he pointed be-
hind them with startled air, and yell
ed, "snake p The young ladies cross
ed the ditch at a single bound.
DADDY" said young hopeful,
'let's go up in the nine pln-alley and
roll
Roll, what do you know about
rolling?"
"Me know about it? Why l can
roll your darned eyes out in ten min
utes."
There is in the moral straits cur
rent from right to wrong, but no re-
llex from wrong to right; for which
destination we must hoist our sails
and plv our oars incessantly, or night
and the tempest overtake us, and we
shall surely shrek out in VAIN from
he billows, and irrecoverably sink.
THE editor who did not mind his
;tops" introduced some verses thus:
The poem published this week was
by an esteemed friend who
vas lain in his grave many years for
lis own amusement"
A LONDON paper says that the roof
# Westminster Abbey, in which chest.
nut was used, was recently examined,