The New York herald., 1876-02-22
The Horse Car Ristum-Kitherum.


The stalwart citizen who, in the sturdy
spirit of grizzly bear among his native
forests, is prepared to fight to the death for
his strap in the horse cars, must be looked
at with wonder by the public. He would
plant his gigantic feet on the tenderest corns,
crowd poor tired work girl indelicately,
growl savagely at everybody round him, and
sway his ponderous body backward and for
ward at every motion of the car, knocking
the breath out Of every one near him, be-
cause he must have his strap. The simple
onlooker will say he is disguised director
of one of the grasping car monopolies or q
well paid emissary of those public extortion-
lists; but, fortunately for common honesty. he
may only be man whose selfshness is inor-
dinate and congenital- is POLITICALLY
called bear. He has an iron constitution,
sound digestion and lungs of leather He
can breathe poisoned air with the
exhilaration pure oxygen would pro-
duce on an ordinary mortal, and thinks
that the gases which he emits from his
breathing apparatus are good enough for
his fellow travellers. His sense of smell is
not delicate, for he can draw through his
nostrils the noxious efluvia of sar-
dine-packed car on a rainy day with the
unconcern of Hercules in the Augean
stables. The Framazugs of DR.. Mayo's
African romance, who had refined their nasal
organs to such an extent as to perform tunes
upon smells, would find him Philistine
IND 0f kha ohi
of that interesting nation take a ride on a
Third Avenue car in the afternoon, he would
imagine that the directors had thrown in O
number Of odorous battle pieces. He would
find there all the Objectionable smells in
every variation and harmonic blending which
more violent emotions on the Framazug nose
harp, or ristum-ktherum. He would find,
moreover, number of unique odors which
had never penetrated his happy land, and
which he could only hope to reproduce on his
return by enclosing in big unventilated box
as many unwashed Framazugs as could be
packed into it, and then shaking them up
for an hour or So He would thus possibly
get most of the Third Avenue smells, in full
tones and semitones, and all its fortissimo i'm
pure airs; but he would soon need fresh sup
ply Of performers, as these odors are only to
be obtained from the living animal. We could
supply him with few inveterate strappers
and whole corps of horse car directors to
begin with. Possibly in time, by having
pipes leading from hospitals, sewers and old
clothes stores, he might become indepen-
dent of the human sacrifices at first necessary
TO play the "Third Avenue Battle Piece" or
"Belt Line Thunder Symphony" on the nose
harp, as the Chinese finally gave up burning
the piggeries to produce roast sucking pig
when they found it could be done otherwise
less expensively. For New York, however,
says the strapper, the present method is
good enough man or woman, however
delicate, can take part in the generation Of
the most exquisitely impure air for five cents.
They viii die of it in the end but they will
only point the stern law of the survival Of
the fttest- Offensive smells, suffocatingly
impure air, laden with disease and death,
can be had in the crowded cars, and woe TO
him who would rob the poor man or girl Of
the right to be cheaply poisoned. That Is
not our arGument We beliava in vantilatAd