Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-06-24
Wsekly gntelligenter.
FACETIE.

Az soon as the novelty wears OIL, a
mar never wakes a baby for the pur-
pose OF hearing it laugh.
Lace is what ruflles the men now
a.davs.-Ex. You are wrong. Lace
rutf1es the women as usual. 1t Is the
having for it that rutfies the
Norristown Herald.
Another domestic explosion is i'm
minent in an Iowa household. One
of the boys accidentally swallowed d
pistol cartridge last week.-NeW
York Com. Advr.
"Vill you dake sumding!" SAID a
German teetotaler to a friend, Whlie
standing near a tavern. 81 don't care
if I do, what the reply. "Vell den'
let us dake 4 Walk"
sI would not, for any money!"
says Jean Paul Richter, "have n
money in my youth" That is the
way we feel. We would rather have
it now.-Danbury News.
A poor shoemaker at Mort, in
France, is the father of forty-t1Ye
children, all of whom are still living.
Each of his three successive wives
presented him with fifteen children.
"Brother, why don't you ask the
stranger to pray?" "Because,' re-
provingly observed the deacon, "this
amt no place for practical jokes.
That mans the president of a gas
company"
"Nenu," we learn from the accom-
plished scholar of the Pittsburg
Commercial, els Latin for fodder"
It is q wise child that knows his own
fodder in these foreign dressings
Rochester Express.
The other day a Black Hills stage
driver undertook to horsewhip his
passengers into getting out and push
ing up hill, but the gold-seekers held
q coroner's inquest and found that he
died of pneumonia.
There is a lady living in Richmond,
Ind, who was married when twelve
vea of age. When fifteen years Of
ACE she was the mother of two chill
dren, and when thirty her children
numbered ten. Eight of her children
are now living.
Fond mamma, about to get into
carriage, to small boy in the house
door-"Now, Freddie, are you not
going to kiss me?" FREDDIE hav-
emit time to come down mamma. Go
footman)-John, you kiss mamma
for me-" (Tableau)
An old Scotchwoman whose favor
tie sol was i'll the habit of swearing
occasionally, was censured by her
minister for not correcting him: "1t's
vary, wrong, minister" she admitted,
tsbut we maun aloo that it sets off con-
versation NIGHTLY"
"Mr. Attorney, is the state ready
to proceed?" asked a Vermont
judge to the prosecuting attorney.
"Yes-hic-no-your honor" replied
the lawyer, "the state is not-in a
state to try this case to-day the
state, your honor, is-drunk."
A Trenton editor makes the state
ment, for the good of correspond
ents, that they need not commence
their communications, "1 take my
pen in hand, :" as he don't care wheth-
er they write with their toes or
with the pen in their mouths so they
send the news.
This is part of a sermon by a preach
erin Colorado. The boys understood
it: "Boys, you'll find this life q game
of seven-up. You want to have your
ten and look out for game, an never
beg when you hold a good hand. Also,
recollect in the long low counts
II much as high, if it is only a trump.
The devil has stocked the cards, but
jist play 'em honest; and when it
comes your deal, you're boun' to get
winnin' hand every time, and old
split-hoof will jist have to jump the
game and look after 3 softer snap.
Also, if you happen to turn Jack, call
it lucky; but don't forget to remem-
Der hat turning Jack is uncertain
business, andll never do to bet ou.'
just before Admiral Nelson went
to sea for the last time, he spoke to
the painter West of his "Death of
Wolfe," and asked him why he did
not produce more pictures like that.
"Because, my lord" responded the
painter, ''there are no more subjects"
oh it," said the sailor, 81 didn't
think of that, "and asked him to take
a glass of champagne. "But,my lord,
1fear your intrepidity will yet fur
nish me such another scene; and, if it
should, l shall certainly avail myself
of it," Will you ?" SAID Nelson,
pouring out bumpers, and touching
his glass violently against Vests.
evil you, Mr.. West? Then | hope
that l shall die in the next battle
He sailed a few days after, and with.
in a year West had on his easel the
"Death of Nelson"