The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-09-22
WHA1 TIE WIIS sly.

the fastest boat on the Mississippi.-PhslG.
Inquirer.
4 Milwaukee girls ears will wear out
four pairs of brass earrings in year.-N.
=. Herald.
Those new styles of paniers doaway with
newspaper bustles, and a journal must run
on its..merits alone.-Danbury Neaos.
The Norwich Bulletin says nothing pleas
es conscientious bachelor so much as to
dine with married friend and sc } the baby
put his foot into the gravy.
Nearly every man tells his wife there is
another man in town, who closely resembles
him, and who is frequently seen coming out
of saloons .-Rock1Gnd Courier.
Marriage is promotion" says George
Eliot. In the eyes of such reasoner a
man with his third wife would doubtless
pass for brigadier general. .-RoeAsstsr
Democrat.
A peach-stone thrown from hree-story
window II fremont street yesterday, struck
a tall man on the nose and caused him to
allude to Wagner's Gotterdammerung.-
st. Louis Times.
Every infant can say ''no' several months
before it can say Eyes. ."-Seientifc Amsers-
can. It should be remembered, though,
that infants are not invited to stake some
4hing. - Camden Post.
Hoops will come in vogue again, when
this great leveier of woman kinds rotun-
dity will prevent man from knowing
whether he i'd about to marry a bean pole
or bob sled.- Whitehall Times.
A Connecticut school marin, who ,fas re-
Gently kissed in the dark by mistake,
explained her commission to use any light
for nearly two weeks afterwards, on the
ground of hard times. Brook. Argus.
Yon can appreciate the force of domestic
discipline in some families when you see a
man coming out of church on a good fish
ing Sunday looking as If he had just been
discharged from the neutrality-suspicious.
Ign Argus.
There is more philosophy and enterprise
in a bees lower extremity, than there is in
that class of stick whittlers who think their
mission upon earth is 20 buttonhole editors
and tell them just how to run newspaper.
Whitehall Times.
"I know that ought to pay that little
bill owe the washerwoman, unused a
fashionable Swell, the other day. And
then he continued thoughtfnlly: "But
then can't, for I've got to get new pair
of lavender kids. Chicago Journal.
Four hundred and sixty entries have been
made for the Centennial Dog Show, and
they are still coming in by the Carload
Com. Adu. The number of entries will
probably reach thousand before the few
remaining days preceding.the opening are
Rover.-Norristown Herald.
The melancholy days have come when
the merry, busy little fly chilled by the
morning air, crawls under the upper crust
of the apple pie, and irradiates the sullen
pastry with the gleam of his dying smile
when you turn back the crust to sprinkle
in a little more sugar.-HGookeye.
Philadelphia Bulletin Mrs. Sallie Birch,
of Brookfeld, Connecticut, celebrated her
own centennial a few days ago. with five
generations of her children and some five
hundred friends. And yet people try to
make you believe that children oughtn't to
be brought up by the birch.
George Elliot says that a young mans
eyes first open to the world when he is in
love. That is not always so. Usually it is
when he has gone away from home and had
his washing sent out for the first time. and
finds among it when it is returned an odd
stocking with two red stripes about the
top and long enough to pull up around his
neck.-NorUich Bulletin.
Now there's word,'' said the ancient
mariner, pointing to passage in his letter
of acceptance, "there's voId as him
partickerly fond on. U-su-fruct is the word,
Tommie, as hi refers to, and hits Won as
will lit 'em ard. Cos W, cos w, Tommie,
they WON'T h'undcrstand yot hit means,
don't you see, and they'll think as how
hits some new kind h'of drink vot h m
agoing to set h'up for the boys. VIII you
ave something, Tommie ?-Boston Trans
script.
A gentleman caught negro carrying off
some of his fancy poultry the other night
"What are you doing with my chickens p"
he yelled. II wuz gwine fer ter fetch 'em
back, boss. Dere's a niggsr 'roun' here
what's bin sputin' longer me bout dem
chick'ns. l sed dey wuz Coachin Chyniz
an he sed dey wuz Alahamar pullets, an /
wuz jes takin 'em roun' fer ter 'stablish my
nolledge. Dey don't lay no aigs, does dey,
boss9 Eff dey does, I'm mighty shamed er
hustlin' NV 'em roun'. Aigs is scase -
Savannah Meas.
The editor of the Utica Observer walked
over to Horatio's Saturday, and peeping
over the lower half of the farmhouse re-
marked: Die we feeI certain SnaG you
will at last consent to serve.'' Whereupon
the old soldier arose, as red as beet, and
fiercely replied: You internal young con-
taminated cheese! You undisguised idiot
You - Have you,
too, been sent to torment me? I will not
serve / said so in all the decent words
am acquainted with! Get out of -herer'
And he flung tea-tray and a camp-stool
at the vanishing Observer man, who ran
down to the telegraph Office and telegraph.
ed: " Governor Seymour win certainly ac-
cept. It is only question of time
siumberng Plants.