Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-11-08
Humorous:

S0uclelnan VINO lett bis stomach
Tor analysis will please call and get it,
together with the results" 2
10 get up a handkerchief filtration,
says the Detroit Free Press :sRule first.
Get two handkerchiefs and two fools.
Want the other five"
A YOUNG gentleman from the country
being asked at a restaurant what he
wished for dinner, replied, Something
to eat and napkin
WHEN an East India girl gets mad
and wants to spite her lover. she
threatens to go out and climb an ele-
plant
The girl whose lover, named Locke,
was exceedingly bashful, lost her pa
t1ence and declared to him that Shak-
spere had not said half as many things
as he ought to about Shy Locke.
A WHITE boy met colored lad the
other day and asked him what he had
such short nose for. II spects 80 it
won't poke itself into other peoples
business"
A GENTLEMAN burying his wife, a
friend asked him why he expended SO
much on her funeral. "Ah, sir" re-
RAASA 1O, oIlt WOuIu udv6 uOuO dS
much for me with pleasure"
"HARRY, you ought not to throw
away nice bread like that; you might
want it some day." "Well, mother,
would | stand any better chance of
getting it then if l should eat it now 20,
A MAN rushes into stamp-ofice.
"Quick; q postage stamp !" "Of
what denomination, sir ?" "The
cheapest you have" "But where is
the letter to go tor" cit isn't for
any letter; I've cut my finger"
"THAT's the Main Building" said q
guide at the Centennial to greenhorn
from the Pine Tree State the other day.
"Golly," replied the loyal son of Maine,
II knowed our boys would put up
som ethin' fine"
"MY boy" said the clergyman,
"don't you know that it is wicked to
catch fish on Sunday?" "Guess I
hain't sinned much yet" said the boy,
without taking his eye from the cork;
"hain't had bite"
ENTHUSIASTIC AMERICAN tourist in
England" This cannot be Robert
Halls SKULL saw it in London, and i f
was much smaller than this" Museum
Man-"Oh, sir, but that was Robert
Halls skull when he was a BOY; his
one was after he grew up"
The thrifty Mr.. Samuel Smiles, who
turns out books in perfect cascade,
has been making an aphorism; "Thos
whom God has joined in matrimony,"
he says, Jl-cooked joint and ill-boiled
potatoes have very often put asunder."
AN ingenious trunk has been invent
ed for Centennial travellers. When in
proper shape it looks substantial enough
to secure board for month; but when
folded up it can be slowed in the
pocket Of linen overcoat and taken
away unnoticed before pay day.
AN old woman who is crossing the
street has narrow escape from being
run over by hearse. / am not at all
superstitious," she says to her rescuer,
but it has always seemed to me that
it would be unlucky to be killed by
hearse"
A GENTLEMAN asked clergyman the
use Of his pulpit for young divine,
friend of his. 81 really do not know"
said the clergyman, chow to refuse you;
but if the young man can preach better
than can, my congregation would be
dissatisfied with me afterward; and if
he should preach worse, I don't think
he is fit to preach at all.''
A BRIGHT little boy was summoned
before London magistrate for spelling
a quart of milk by putting a live frog
into it. The can, the spoiled milk, and
the living frog were produced in court.
The frog had been for week in the
milk, which agreed with him. The
boy was ordered to pay fourpence for
the damage and two shillings cost.
AFTER reading Sitting Bulls modest
applications to the Agency for more
ammunition, we can't but reflect what
a splendid lightning rod agent Or sew
ing-machine canvasser has been lost to
America by the failure to catch him
when young, and thus bring him up
under the genial influences of our
modern civilization.
JAKE" said the blushing damsel to
q lover that her father had forbidden
the house" 4 don't care if your feet
are big, I love you just as much"
Wall, Sally, don't mind so much
about the size OF my own feet, but
wish your dads were little smaller; I
could feel more confident, you know,
about staying all the evening.
"CoME Ned, you picked cotton for
me last year, and | want you again."
I dunno, niassa." "Come along and
get in the wagon; I've good colt and
I'll give you six bits q hundred"
"Wel. It jes depends on one thing"
What's that ?" " Is you got dat same
ole par scales?" No, brand new
pair" "Well, dat bein' de case, I'll go
wild YOU
"BRUTUs BLINKENBERRY," said that
gentleman's wife, drawing paper from
her pocket in the privacy of the cham
Der on Sunday morning, "Brutus
Blinkenberry, I've counted, and out of
the last 80 days you nave come home
intoxicated 81 nights; what do you
think of yourself?' Blinkenberry
groaned. well, what are you groan-
Ing about now" "Them three nights"
replied Blinkenberry, with an express