Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-06-14
PleasantrieS.

crOckery dealer and q cablnet-maker
One sells tea-sets, and the O Their settees
THERE is economy in travelling Oh the
fast mail trains. You make what you
eat go great deal farther in given
length Of time.
"What is conscience ?" asked a
schoolmaster. can inward monitor"
replied a bright little fellow. "And
what is monitor ?" zone of the iron
clads"
"WILL this pipe smoke free ?" asked
a gentleman who was purchasing pipe.
"Of course it will, if you can get your
tobacco for nothing" was the reply.
He was bound to be accurate, and he
described the woman's costume thus,
"She wore an elegant suit of something
or other, cut bias, and trimmed end
WISE"
DANIEL FENDER concluded letter
asking Mary to be his, thus: "And
should you say YES dear Mary, I will
ever and faithfully be your D. Fender"
Daniel thought that was neat, and SO did
Mary.
AND now comes Boston woman who,
to Guido her fashionable sisters with
their twenty buttoned gloves, has in
vented and wears forty-buttoned stock
ings.-N. Y. World.
A New YORK printer, setting up a
recent report of horse race, said "the
booksellers were busy" instead of
''pool-sellers" but it did not alter the
sense of the paragraph much.
SOME one writing for an English pa
| per a description of the Centennial
| grounds at Philadelphia says that Bel
mont avenue divides them into two
zones, the " temperate" and the "intem-
perate." On one side are all the foun-
tains and the lake; On the other are the
restaurants.
A LITTLE six-year-old city boy went
into the country visiting He had
bowl of bread and milk He tasted it,
then hesitated moment, when his
mother asked if he didn't like it, to
which he replied, smacking his lips,
Yes ma'am; I am only wishing our
milkman would keep cow"
AN old Scotch woman whose son
was in the habit of swearing occasion
ally, was censured by her minister for
not correcting him. "lt's vara wrong,
minister" she replied, "but We must
aloo that it sets off conversation mich
tily."
The whirligig of fashion may bring
around the most sudden and dazzling
changes, and the duties of the toilet
may multiply like leaves in Valam-
brosa, but there is nothing that will
make a woman stand before her look
ing-glass so long as sunburnt nose
Brooklyn Argus.
A FEMALE preacher in Leavenworth
brought down her fist on the table in
the midst of the sermon and prophet
cally exclaimed Yes, my dearly be-
loved, when Susan B. Anthony marries,
there'll be one less male tyrant In
this world. Brooklyn Argus.
A RAILWAY accident lately occurred
caused by the axle of tender giving
way, which detained train several
hours. A lady inquired of gentleman
passenger why it was so delayed, he
gravely replied, Madame, it was occas-
Toned by what is often followed by
serious consequences sudden
breaking of tender attachment
HE groaned in his sleep, and his wife
arose to light the lamp He beheld a
display of striped stockings and then
murmured to himself "I've got 'em
sure this time" "Got what?" she in
quired. "Got the delirium tremens.
Pm seeing animals of all kind. I've
just seen ZEBRA" She turned down
the light, and the menagerie was closed.
SERVANT" really could not under
take to look after the library fire, man,"
Lady" Indeed I cannot see as there
is anything derogatory in it; l am sure
/ should not mind doing it myself"
Servant" Oh, very likely not, nam;
that's just the point we've come to,
nam; you see your class is going down
and my class is going up"
IT is said to be custom peculiar to
California for policeman in want of
money to go up to a Chinese den-or
down to it-and say, Two and half"
when a quarter gold eagle comes
through the lookout hole, and the POI
liceman goes on. Nothing like it was
ever seen this side of the Rocky Noun
tains.
THEY were sitting together, he and
she, and he was arduously thinking
what to say. Finally he burst out With:
SC In this land of noble achievements
and undying glory, why is it that wo-
man do not come more to the front;
why is it that they do not climb the
ladder of fame?' Il suppose" said
she, putting her finger in her mouth,
it is all on account of their pull
backs"
DARWIN says the looming man" Will
be bald-headed. This will be sad news
to the coming woman. Instead OF
snatching her husband by the hair, in a
family discussion, she will be obliged to
pour scalding water down his back
Nor. Herald. We don't know much
about babies; but we are under the
impression that the coming man IS
always more or less bald-headed.-Phs+.
Bulletin.