The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1876-09-13
HAPPY rHoUoHr.
now MIR. MAaRuDER APpLrED SCIENCE TIC
THE CATS.

now MIR. NAGRUDER APPLIED SCIENCE TIC
THE CATS.
In the street where Mr.. 8Tagufiin lives the
cats have lately appeared in great numbers,
and fought with fervor that has spread dis
may among the boarders. They would con-
gregate on the iron fence in front Of the
house, and skirmisl from snnsettill the break
T of day. On Friday evening, Mr.. Magutiiu
took homo mysterious package which lie
carefully deposited in his own apartment. s.
After dinner he invited all the boalxlcrs "a
his room. On his table was a curious looking
machine, and through it ran two wires whose
ends were attached to the iron fence.
1t has occurred to me, said Mr.. AIaguffin
that however advantageous to the merchants
who deal in those articles the present habit q
shying water pitchers and bootjacks at cat.
may be, the practice is expensive to us ant
unsatisfactory in its results. The very ener
gy impaired to the propulsion of these impro
vised projectiles impairs the inaccuracy of oul
aim and when We consider the soonness al
the cat in changing positions you will readil,
believe the statement that have known sew.
enty-three pitchers and eighteen bootiacks te
be cast at one cat without effect, except or
the pitchers and bootjacks. 1t has occurred
to me that in this age of progress such a
method of killing cats is crude and wasteful.
and that the means for the destruction Of these
animals should keep pace with the other i'm.
nroVamnptq
mankind. | have therefore, provided as you
see, an electric battery, which is connected
with the cats promenade, and-"
Mr.. Magruder Sitting at the back window
Here comes black cat walking on the fence,
Mr. Magufiin, adjusting the machine =
Black Emblem of strength. Motto the black
bear, the black snake, the Morgan horse, and
the other animals and reptiles. The
Black cat on the fence /: Meow-weow-ow
eow-ou-ow Mr.. Maguffin turns on the ma
chine. Oo-owl pz.zpt | Maguffin turns on
moro power. Wowiracow ow-quawk !--thud
Magruder BY jimmy, hos gonerl He's
dropped on the ground !
Maguffin /: THUS we see illustrated one Of
the beneficial results of modern science. Lit
tie did the great inventor of the telegraph
think, when struggling for the building Of
his first line, that the time would come when
his mighty and yet comparatively unknown
power would be utilized for many other pur.
poses than the transmission of intelligence. =
we may yet see condensed lightning put NJ
in packages convenient for handling and ship
| md fr,t.c In t,.n
Magruder: Iereconinsa white cat walkin.
ION the fence.
Magufiin White, beautiful white En-
blem of purity, badge of justice, color O
sheets, paper collars and vanilla ice cream
hate to kill white cat, but
White cat on the fence Br-cow-ow-
eow-Hoo-0O-zit! zit Mr.. Magufrin--
But when they howl like that, pity takes 4
back seat Turns on tho machine with
great force. Wooroo wooroo ! eow-ow !
More lightning. Bz-z-zt quack quaw us
---thud
Magruder, excitedly Got 'em again by
gravy.
And so the brave work went on, cats COM
ing from all directions as ever bowling, and
walked unsuspectlng along on the top of the
iron fence, a path strewu with roses, but now
bristling with the briars of death. Mr.. Ma
guffin turned steadily on the crank, and at
short intervals for hours "thud," marked the
fall of cats whose serenading nights are over
Yesterday morning before breakfast the
boarders went out and gathered up the cats,
and stacking them on the curb-stone, where
they would be handy for the ash-man when
the ash carts came along. Magruder called
them off, while Maguffin made an inventory
!. Cats hrniinh folyard Q