Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-04-01
Letter from Bert. Darlington.

~ ILL., ~ h'i N"NANN 49, AN'N.
Hr. Editor - u
In this letter ami Its two or three sue :
cessors, | purpose to enjoy chat with
your readers, on subject which, hither-
TO, has receiyed little notice from the
press. subject which comprises a car
toon of humorous history, that should not
be permitted to fade from the mirthful
memory OF our good old town. If full
Justice could be done the subject, itmisht
point out moral, which would keep
many script in our future purse, from
slipping out into the clutches of one of /
the keenest aud neanest classes Of frauds F.
that infest New England society. My
theme is Whitedeld's past connection !
with humbug patents, receipts and oil |
stocks" As there is little recorded data |
to light my narration, and, as many of the !
transactions occurred before my residence
here, and even before l was born, the old
settlers, who enjoyed the distinguished
honor of being contemporancous with
heSe smart events, may tiEd some of my
statements more or less incorrect. All
ha'c to say to these ancient oracles, who
loVeto boast that they were "alwas born
and bot up here, or who logged their
worldiygear in here on their backs, when
THIS eN village was most all woods"
and whenittle children had to climb over
wlndrows @ live bears, wolves and cata-
mounts, on their long and sinuous trail to
the little log school house, under the
pines-all haveto say to these magma
tive old gentlemenis, that if they are tell
ing this story they lad better tell II.
Now, let US 20 back forty years or so,
and stick our minds to the subject, with
> layer of
Universal YANKEE GLUE.
The right to maze and vend this glue was
, sold to WilliamF Bell and Daniel Weare
for several huncred dollars. 1t was claim
ed by the patience and vendcr, and fully
pegs and threadin boots, shoes harness.
eS and the like, were numbered and fin
iShed by this wonderful invention. In
fact, the glue was actually proof against
everything but moisture, with which the
veader carefully avoided all contact in his
public proofs ofits virtue. Many quaint
=, yarn is spun at he expense of this glue
y Daniel Weare had shoe made, with glue
;. faStenings, as asample and symbol of his
golden art, anC started for Vermont to
sell boots and shoes at wholesale and re-
tail, while Bell remained here to superin-
. tend the financial and mechanical side OF
. Of the business The enterprise was laid
!, out on the broalest gauge, and the firm OF
, Bell & Weare, in their own imaginings,
: ranked we'll ut towards this Rothchilds
: But the sunbulSt of Wares anticipations
was soon darkened by thunder storm
y the sample shoe fell to pieces as suddenly
and completely as the " Deacon's one
;, horse shay" Ware had to send home fol
=, return funds, and the firm dissolved
While the glue was in the hight OF its
v popularity, certain enthusiastic old gen
;, tlemen-now gone to that land where
- blessed be the assurance, all patent rights
:, are eternally in first hands, and yankee
j.. Improvements arc out of orter-though
he would try some of the glue in repair
- ing an old casL-off carriage harness
He had wild, fiery colt, half broken
J'and," said he--to use his exact words
:, elf that air glu can stan that colt, it kel
stan the divil an l want IL shake in it.
3 After having hitchcd the colt to a stump
. and tried to part the fastening by variou
other means, thus working up stcrl
g confidence in it's strength, he hitChed III
-, the colt, and struck out on his ''experi
ence," as he called it. Coming to Ion.
e reach of descending ground, he laid tn
braid on to the colt, and let him out, in
tending to ''yank him up" st the foot o
the hill, "to educate him." But, just a
he had attained breakneck speed, tn
~ colt plunged into passing fog cloud, ant
away went reins, bride, girths, bacl
/ saddle, breeding, etcetera, and the oil
man landed with his heels to the sun, il
the top of a growth of spruce and hem
> lock, while the colt, carriage and leathcrl
}; fragments described an eccentric serie
v, of cartwheels down the embankment, in
to an alder swamp. The old gentleman
was unhurt and having detached the sea
of his pantaloons from the bush tops, h
descended, and looking all about to max
sure that no chiel had taken notes o.
the disaster, he solemuly swore that h
wouldn't injurc the reputation Of the glu
by telling it himself, and so the episod
has remained almost secret to this day
Next, you willpleasc allow me to introduc
Mr.. Patrick Sweeney. Patrick was a
oily-tongued, slippery-soulcd Celt of tn
real old stock, who stormed the tow
with-shall /, must | tell it?-a "patcnt hen
nest" The nest was made of braide
straw of a peculiar twist, and sold |
connection with mattress of the sam
material, which turned ont TO be perfeC
paradise for fees and bed bugs. TIL
. hens nests were to be hung up about th
barn, inside or outside, and Pat claimed
and nailed the point with an irresstibl
Irish humor and eloquenee-that if a he
got one good square look at one of "thil
j niSts," there was certain somethin
y about it which produced such an effect o
& her brain, that she could not resist til
. impulse to fly up into it and lay, Away
80 provided that there was nobody about t
p divert her intellect from the charm. III
IS only out about it, was in the danger
20 the hen straining herself blind, to get u
on an instantaneous clay" or overtaSkin
he her reasoning faculties in devising way
as and means to beat her ambitious con
pctitors. One glance at the gracefl
Hanging mist" made the most cosmopoli
han n,4N, aud hiatt ls