The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1876-11-18
MISCELLANEOUS.

HERALD Is one Of the hvciIest and
sprightliest dailics III this STATE, and
one OF the very few daily papers in il
which are making money. Success to
We, simpson.
Boston Advertiser. A very precise
person, remarking upon Shakesicart's
Inc, The good men do is oft inferred
with their bones. carefully observed
that this interment can generally take
place without crowding the homes
EBrookIyn Argus :..The great question
that now arises Is, Can Turkey prt..
serve her autonomy \ man NAV
lose ms teeth and be snatchcd bald /
headed without fatal consequences. hut
If he loses his autonomy where is he :? !
Boston Herald A teacher in Port
land Sunday school was eulighteniur !
her pupils Us TO the extraordinary NUN
Der of Solomons wives when q little |
fellow spoke up and said 'Goliy, | /
should think he would have got tired of |
going counting and getting married
Norristown Herald IL is said |
that hen held UP by one |
leg will not squeak half n much as /
when both legs are grasped Thanks |
giving day Is only month hence. and |
persons who are accustomed to par 1
chase their poultry at night, a few hours |
after the fowls have retired, will do !
we'll 70 cut this out and paste it in their |
hats
Savannah News: Thing. is getting |
slouchways in dis country. deciar TO |
erasmus CT dey amt, said an old negro, |
the other day First come the cat |
typiller, den de chicken knllery. an |
now here comes the grs.sshoppers, an |
here talk de udner day dat a niger was I
rissned with mushmilion. Looks I
like hard times-you heerd my horn. "
Chicago Tribune An honest
reiormer from Pesey county, In. I
diana. misled by an analogy oil
sight. went into a restaurant the other |
day aud observing sign Clans, said I
TO the waiter, Gimme dozen of them I
Southern claims on the half sheil-our
boyes does nothing but talk about them, |!
want to see what they are like
Springfield Republican: Country ma. I
thence is long suffering, but at times
sarcastic, as the following shows Att
irst there meanders through this see
ton book agent, then a tin cart, then I
tree man. then a patent medicine in /
diyiduai, then two tramps, then a thief
or two, then salve man. then half a /
dozen duplicates of each. and finally the
eider-barrei buyer, the white wire clothes
line fellow and the lightning rod demon
incarnate."
Few people can for definite ide.. of
tsritu s-...If -.
inch OF ram II may aid such to follow
this calculation An acre is equal to
o,2I2, $40 square inches; an inch deep of
water on this areawill be as many cubic
inches OF water, which at 237 ,27j to the
gallon is 22622 gallons This quantity
weighs 236.22j pounds, or loo 70 tons. |
Une-hundrcdtb of an inch (00l) of rain
Is equal to one ton per acre. Elk
a pickering pair of Quakers were
lately heard in high controversy. the
husband eXclaiminr Il am determined
70 have enc quiet week with thper" /,
But how wilt thou be able to get itYn
said the taunting spouse, in that sort of
yeiicration which married ladies so pro-
yokingiy indulge in. e will keep thee
q week after thou art dead was the
Quaker's rejoinder
Hunt County Independent. Texas
is the only southern State for which an
army of deputy United States narshals
were not appointed to take possession
of the polls to see that the election was
fairly conducted, and yet that old vii
lain, A Il. Norton, the Dallas postrnas-
ter, declared in his speeches in Ohio
and Indiana that Democrats were kill II
ing negroes prumiscueusly in Texas.
and that our people were 10 better than
thieves and murderers.
The other day German. leaning
against hitehiDgpost on Washington
street, looked up ut the sky and re-
marked: ~ guess leedie it viii rain
sometime pooty qneek. .Yecs do. chr
replied au lrishman D, his side. "Weu
want yees to understand that yee.
have no business to come over to Amer
lea and say anything forninst the wealth
er. Plat the devil do yees purtepd To
know about American weather. amy.
how, ye turrin galootg' The German
had no more to say.
Eureka (Ney) Sentinel When Mr..
Thomas Fitch had got through sneak
ing at t'ruckee a few nights ago he was
approached by an individual who was ,
somewhat under the weather who 5
shook his hand and thus addressed him
skuse me, Mr. Fitch; I've bin LIST
min to you talk, aud may say that !.
admired yer speech. Your n AZ, orator
an I'm gambler could Ice n orator
81 wanted ter, bat, shaw, won't have {
it. drink an gamble, but there's one
temptation Fin goin' to resist, and that's
bern n'orator.
Detroit Free Press: The man who
wants 70 60 to st. Petersburg and enlist
IN the Russian army to iigl.t the Tanks. {
was at the Central depot yesterday, and j
inquired, W hats the fare to st Peters .
burg Five hundred dollars Too
much, III give you four hundred. T
We have but one rate, said the agent. :
And you won't let me go for four hun. u
ired dollars r Couldn't do il 2 Then Y
won't 60 I'm patriot from bead TO /
DOT, hut cant let no railroad swindle i
ne. I'm the bloodiest kind of a border !,
Wildcat. and Russia wants me bad, but :,
hat hundred dollars opens great gulf
u.s. Z
Lesyenworth Times Levi TO man :.
With secondhand coat 10 sell 10 you n
suow how much wouldn't gif for dot a
toatY gif twelve shiliings. Owner Il
Its worth s. Fife toIlarl shust q
sait all gall my wife and dell her dot q
We haf lnnatie in der store. Why. {,
nine soot trent. yon must hat bin sun Z.
uoke by der heat last summer. And Y
'e got II for 81, Same man In the even. u
ng 70 Levi, while examining same cont pl
= How much for this old coat r. sOid | a,
oat why, dot goat was made only last | Is
Teek, and worn 70 one party. "illl ~
i've you ~ srwoi Here, wife, hurry = Y
pi Put up der blinds, lock der doors. =
bust tink Of dot man Offering me twoa ~
,iiArs Tor dot goat what Won bought ofl g.
esset aideemsn ysatssv1au tos dvs |" II