Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1876-09-14
FEAIININITIES.

FEM1NINlTIEs.
No woman with proper apprecia.
ton of her rights will marry IL man so
tall that she can't reach his hair.
Nothing pleases conscientious bach.
elOr SO much rs to dine with married
friend and see the baby put his foot
into the gravy.
What is the difference between the
dress of our grandmothers and our sis.
tiers! The former wore pinaf0res and
the latter pin.a.backs.
When a mans wife locks him up in
the third.st0ry front, it's some COM
! fort for him to Sc the man across the
way picking broom-seeds out Of his
hair.
The young lady who "wore a brass
band encircling her raven locks of
J hair" is supposed to have suggested
the song Of "There's Music in the
Hair"
Miss Stag was married at Hornells.
Vile, n. Y, recently. The BRIDE
groom had engraved on the wedding
ring:
| xame ever deer to me.
Il should he afraid to carry my nose
as Iii : h rs you do, ma am, said i SER
want maid to her mistress. ''Atraid
Of what!" she asked, sharply. "Of
spiders, ma am
'.What would you like e. said Jones,
the other night, to Miss Smith, as he
led her into the refreshment-roop'
"Pop,' was the blushing answer.
Jones didn't see it.
A clergyman said the other day that
modern young ladies were not daugh.
ters of Slem and liam, but daughters
of Hem and Sllam-compounds Of plain
sewing and make.believe.
Maid (before the p;.rty)-'Shall you
wear ytur white muslin tonight,
ma';tm - Mistress-"Yes Jane. "
Maid-.'Then Ill wear my blue silk,
as don t want lis to clash.'
A western girl visited Il music store
and asked for THE Heart Boiled down
with Grease and Care" and "When I
Swallowed Homemade Pies" The
clerk at once recognized what she de-
| sired.
"Woman," said the fat man OH the
cracker barrel, retlectively, ''woman
is like i boil. When another man has
her we laugh at him; when we have
her ou:seif we cherish and protect
her."
Little Girl-''Oh, please, sir, I've
brought your shirt 'Ome, but mother
says she c;sn t wash it no moro, COS
she was obliged to paste it up sgen the
wall and chuck soap.suds at it, it's 50
tender.
Geraldine-You shan't he my aunt !;
you shall be my sister! Aunt Anne
No. am your papas sister, and so
must be your aunt. Geraldine (aftcr a
pause -Then. was papa my uncle be-
fore he was married ?-Punch.
speaking Of bathing said Mrs.
Partington, some Can battle with per-
feet impurity in water us cold as Green.
land icy Mountains, and lndia's Cor
al Strands but for my part, / would
prefer to have the water Il little tor
pid.'
The owner Of Il pair of bright eyes
says that the prettiest compliment she
ever received came from Il child Of
four years. The little fellow after
looking intently at her eyes Il moment,
inquired naively: "Are your eyes new
ones !"
Six months is the regulation period
prescribed before widow can sit at
the front parlor window and peep
through the Stats 1T the gentlemen
going to and returning from their bus
mess. but she generally does it the
day after the funeral.
a Saratoga letter-writer asks, in de.
sparing tones, ''Where are the men 2"
We don't know dear, just where all of
the men are, but from our sanct,m
window we just now saw six If them
them file around behind the serene of
4 sample room overt he way.
Nine. X. thinks of going to the cir.
Gus. and her servant tries to dissuade
her. ''lt l were you, madame,
would not co. "Why!" 80, they
have a horse that stops before the
most foolish person in the audience,
and suppose he should stop before
you!''
\ 5.year.old tot, who had always
closed her prayers with land God help
Katy to be good GIRL" opened her
eyes at that point. the other night, and
said very decidedly: Il amt going to
say the rest, for don't want to be Il
dood girl, want to eat green apples
and swallow 'em.''
1t will hardly be necessary to tell the
name of the party who went into 4 dry
goods store the other day and was OBJ
served to be looking about, when the
proprietor remarked to him that they
didn't keep whisky. 1T would save
you good many steps if you did"
was the quick reply.
Biddy-:Did yez liver see a finer
wake, Il nicer funeral, or purifier
corpse than P;.ddy's!' Kate-"Niver
a wanst." Biddy -"And do yez know
Paddy was that natural loike, had he
come to life and got out of his coffin to
see himself in it, be.dad he himself
wOuldn' t have known he was dead.'
The libellant's counsel in q divorce
case in England recently, while cross
examining the correspondent concern.
ing certain affecting leave.taking
with the respondent at railway
station, asked: Ibid you not place
your hand in his, saying, Meet me in
heaven, George !'' "Would you
have me t, ask him to meet me in
hell = flashed back the lady. When
the roar in the courtroom had sub.
sided, the lawyer repeated: ''Did
you or did you not ask him to meet
you in heaven!' Eyes, l did," was
the next retort, ''but hope you don't
call that an improper designation -