Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-09-09
A SILENT BENEFACTOR.

Mr.. Cooley suffered a good deal last
Winter from rheumatism in his breast,
and his wife was badly frightened about
It for fear it should end in consumption.
Cooley could not be induced to try any
remedy for the trouble, and Mrs. Cooley
was nearly worried to death about it. At
last she determined to try strategy. She
made up dry mustard plaster, and one
night while he was asleep she sewed it
upon the inside of his under shirt, SO that
it would just about cover the rheumatic
place. Cooley dressed himself in the
morning, wholly unsuspicious of the
presence Of the plaster, and went down
stairs. At the breakfast table, while he
was talking to his wife, he suddenly stop
ped, looked cross eyed, and a spasm of
pain passed over his face. Then he took
up the thread of conversation again and
went ON. He was in the midst Of an eX-
PLANTATION of the political situation when
all at once he ceased again, grew red in
the face, and exclaimed;
L wonder what in the-no, it can't
be anything wrong"
Mrs. Cooley asked what was the mat
ter, and Cooley said
"Oh, it's that Internal old rheuma-
tism again-come bNck awful. But
never felt it exactly the same way before.
Kinder stings me-" Mrs. Cooley said
she was sorry.
Then Mr., Cooley begun again, and
was just showing her how the lavages of
the grasshoppers in the West lust Sum
mer and the potato bug in the East would
affect the political result next Fall by
making the people discontented, and SO
likely to strike at the party in power,
when he suddenly dropped the subject,
and, jumping up saidf
Thunder and lightning, what's that !
Ouch Oh Moses ! feels if | bad
shoveltul of hot Goals inside my shirt"
Must be that rheumatism getting
worse," said Mrs. Cooley, sympathetic
cully.
"Oh, gracious, no It's something
worse than rhemati,m. Feels like fire
burning into my skin. Ouch Ow-wow-
WOW I's awful. | can't stand it a
minute. / believe it's cholera, or some
/ thing, and IN going to die !"
" Do try to be calm, Mr., Cooley"
Calm !! How can man be calm
with volcano boiling over under his
shirt. Get out of the way, quick, while
/ | 60 up stairs and uudress. Murder.r-r-r,
but it hurts. Let me go out, quick"
Then he rushed up to the bedroom
and stripped of his clothes. His chest
was the color OF II boiled lobster bat he
/ couldn't for the life OF him tell what was
the matter. Then his eyes rested upon
something white ON his shirt. He picked
up the garment and examined it. Ten
minutes later he came slowly down stairs
with mustard plaster in his hand, while
thunder clothed his brow.
Going up to Mrs. Cooley, he shook the
plaster under her nose, and said in sup
pressed voice
"Did you put that thing in my
clothes ?"
81 did it for the best, john" she said.
81 thought"
"Oh, never mind what you thought,
you idiot Never mind wha: you
thought! You've taken the skin clear
oil my bosom, and IN probably never be
well rs long as live. That lets you out,
You play any more tricks like that on
me, and I'll put you in the coal-bin and
keep you there till you starye to DEATH
Now mind me-"
Then he slammed the door and went
out. Ms Cooley dosent know to this
day exactly what effect the grasshoppers
are going 60 have on the Fall elections.
Philadelphia BuiietjR.