The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1876-03-03
VARIOUS s.FoDDER.-

civilization. Her State treasurer is in
jail.
Elihu Burritt can drive strange dog
out of his yard in thirty three languages.
The extreme height of misery is a
small boy with new pair of rubber
boots and no mad or slush in reach.
Don't marry till you can support a
husband. That's the advice the Barn
stable Patriot gives the Cape girls.
/ An English woman advertises herself
as corncutter to the royal family She
lpractises on "the light. fantastic toe.''
It is thin excuse for young lady
to lie ahesl until l.ine o'clock in the
morning because this is sleep year
| IsNosTistoacn Herald.
ames HamiH is dead. He was a
gentleman and sculler.-Er. Such
Jokes are wherry bad. Giye oar, give
| loar.-Aorristoaca Herald.
During a cOstcersazione in Mic
karl's saloon Sunday evening gentle
man had his nose broken," is the way
the Troy Press neatly puts it. a
Half the peop.e who are making this
nproar over the exclusion of the Bible
from the public schools couldn't tell on
their own responsibility whether tile
book. of Genesis was written by ST. Paul
or Hamlet.
A jawbone sixteen feet long is 10 be
exhibited at the Centennial by Massa-
chussetts. Put it in the Woman's De-
partnent, by all means.-Nesc York
Commercial 14deestises..
A breed of dogs without tails has
been discovered in Africa, and how tie
mischievous boys there utilize old tin
kettles and fruit cans, we cannot pretend
to say.
The Sandwich IsIanis are gong to
adopt new flag but they can't decide
whether to take gray horse blanket
with hole in it, or an cd vest with the
back ripped out.
Airs. Edward, of Strcater, H., while
slicing bread the other day cnt off her
baby's nose, but doctor pasted it ON.
again, and that, we trust, will be ssthe
end on't.''
The Chicago Inter Ocean says that
there is an cd threadbare, sndff colored,
thin-locked, spindled-shanked, pepper
and-salt, weazened, rum-drinking fossil,
hidden away somewhere in Washington,
who has written more Congressional
speeches than all the members of the
present House put together.
The language of flowers is tender and
beautiful, but it contains no satisfactory
expression for the man who stubs his
toes.
eyes, | want my daughter to study
rhetoric,' . replied Vermont mother,
"for she can't fry pancakes now without
smoking the house all up''
Desertions from the regular army are
SO numerous that we haven't over six
private soldiers to one officer, when we
ought to have seven and four-mule
team
a New York surgeon says that nine
men out OF ten are liable to drop dead
on the street of heart disease. Keep off
the street, gentlemen. il you would avoid
death.
A Hartford man wants to sell farm
in which sneandering streams and rivn-
lets permeate luxariant pasture, while
majestic oaks and stately naples attract |
the eye of the beholder." Who bids !?
Miss Anna Dickinson's new lecture is |
entitled Sowing and Reaping." And
an old bachelor cruelty says that Sewing |
and Ripping would be more appropri- |
ate subject fol woman.-Norristo,c,a |
Herald.
3 "Exploring waist placcs,'' said John
Henry, as he put his. arm around the
pretty chambermaid. .sNavigation of
the t.air," said Mrs. Henry, oyerhearing
him, and sailing into his raven curls.-.I
Cincinnati Times.
Anexchange says :: asAngular aIco-
hop is the Inter Oeeas's latest way OF |
putting it, The latest way 4 large
majority Of Western editors have of put
ting it is putting if down their throats |
Some time ago two London thieves
put IL practice . plan ofrobbing Jewell
Ter which had been described 10 story
IN popular periodical "a piece Of pure
invention. The jeweller was furious
Che lost forty thousand dollars, SO it was
excusable), and wrote to the editor Of
the magazine, asking him if it was his
mission to instruct thieves in new ways
OF plundering the public. "My dear