The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-04-27
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS. / -
Creature. i tho ..p...ed"-d..d.
/ neads. sA -
,,i *. hypsthse.ry .aep4rh. pawn
"A sign Of spring" Withdrawing
done to order" ''''-
Most Presidential candidates, they
say, suffer from Kumortism.
What miserable pieces of Mechanism
those Persian pilgrim ships must be!
When does an editor play singular
trick with grammar! When he declines
an article. $780,
The man who, popped the question by
starlight got his sweetheart's consent in
twinkling.
When young man cannot live on his
own salary, the usual way 10 for him to
live on the salary Of some one else.
! The water in the Worcester reservoir
was only keeping up with the spirit of
the age in seeking larger field of useful
ness.
There are fifty-two different kinds of
spectacles in market, and yet people say
they cant see it, just as much as they
used to. 81 81
The Boston Post don't believe that any
man ever caught cold from taking his hat
off to a lady. Still, a bald headed man
will hesitate.
None Of the maple.sugar cakes for
this year have "1S76" on them as eggs
laid by patriotic hens have. This is be-
cause maple sugar, like figures, wont lie.
| Boston has q "Brains Club from
which men are excluded. 1t is called the
Brains Club" supposedly, just as State
is called Indiana" because there are no
Indians in it.
| Susan Anthony undertakes, in sin
gle lecture, to enumerate "What Woman
Wants." She could save nine tenths of
the time by simply stating what she does't
want.-CA cdgo Post.
1t is believed that Winslow's sister in
law had concealed on her person the
! money lie took with him from Boston.
Under the provisions of the treaty she
could not be searched.
The Rhode Island Legislature has
passed resolution proposing an amend
mcnt to the Constitution extending the
right of suffrage to honorably- discharged
soldiers and sailors of foreign birth.
-Breathcs there man with soul so dead,
| Who never to himself hath said,
Twill a family paper take,
Both Tor my own and children g sake?
If such the, e be let him repent
And have this paper to him sent.
Worcester now sees how that reser-
| voir disaster could have been prevented
Five feet more of earth all around would
| have made things safe. And, if the reser-
voir hadn't been there nothing would have
happened.
Sioux City, Iowa, is the only place
where the late eclipse was visible any to
speak of, and the inhabitants there are so
"stuck up that letters are never opened
| which don't have the ''esquire'' written
out in full.
ANY children?' asked wall-eyed
woman with thin lips, yesterday, as she
was showing some furnished rooms to a
| fat comfortable looking woman. EYES,"
| replied the tat, comfortable looking
woman, but, of course, if you object to
them can drown them"
AS a young shaver Of five OF dix years
was reading at school one day, he came
upon the passage: d" Keep thy tongue from
evil and thy lips from guile" Master
Hopeful drawled out: Keep-thy-
! tongue -from - evil-an d thy-lips-
from-girls."
| "A Hoboken undertaken couldn't pay
his board, and his landlady attached nine
collins, and this isn't the first instance on
record where woman has shown an at
tachment for coffin, especially when the
| woman has been young and the coffin has
| contained rich old husband.-St. L|uis
Republican.
Mrs. Logroller, whose husband is q
| lo1ora<n 10
der isively at reading that the delegates
it'll do to instruct old Loeroller!" she
says: "I've been instructin' the pig -head-
ed old fool for years, and he cant buy a
yard of calico with any sense yet. st.
Louis Republican,.
1T was in New Jersey Sunday
school. The Superintendent approached
youth of color who was present for the
first time, and inquired his name for the
purpose Of placing it on the roll. The
good man tried in vain to preserve his
dignity when the answer was returned
swell, massa calls me Cap'n, Tut my
maiden name is Moses.'
"A hasty spirit brought bitter woe
upon Montreal widow the other day.
Her intended husband offered her his
hand as they were about to take their
places for the marriage ceremony, say
inA, May lead your A sharp glitter
came into the woman's eyes as she an
swered, Eyes; for the last time" "Good-
BY" said the man as he walked out Of
the front door.
Having hanged Mcconnell, the MUIR
dcrer, the Canadians are fast coming to
the conclusion that he really was insane.
An autopsy revealed the fact that his
skull had actually been fir ctured as
testified to on the trial, and portions of the
brain near the fracture were found in a
diseased condition. This state of affairs
has impressed the community unpleasant
ly, but not much more SO than the remark
made by Mcconnell on the scatfold that
he hoped the fate of his victim would
prove a warning to landlords" the
struck having been about rent.-Detrost
Free Press.
If a man has not firm nerves, and
has keen sensibility, it is perhaps wise
economy to go 10 a good shop and dress
himself irreproachably. He can then dis
miss all care from his mind, AMI may
easily find that performance an addition
of confidence, a fortification that turns the
scale in social encounters, and allows him
to go gayly into onversations where else
he had been dry and embarrassed. am
not ignorant-I have heard with admir-
ing submission the experience of the lady
who declared "that the sense Of being
perfectly well-dressed gives feeling Of
inward tranquility which religion is
powerless to bestow.''-Emerson, in let
tiers and Social Aims"
Grasshopper Probabilities.