Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-01-21
BELsHAzzAR ToMPKINs' LEAP YEAR.

professional mischief maker; and we hOld
that any maxim to the contrary is leresy'
and in direct opposition to the injunction
OF the apostle, "to be all things to all
men," Amy other principle of action APP
piled to society would shake it to an ex-
tent to which the earthquake OF last
month would be hardly circumstance.
But in this particular case of which we
speak. to tell the truth, BelshaZzar Tomp-
kins was not the best of young men. When
we consider his cigar smoking, and his to-
bacco chewing, and his devotion to the al
tar of tod, and his attendance at the bill
liard-room and his non-attendance in the
parlor, one was tempted to consider him
slack, not to say loose. If the same
amount of praying had been spent for So
dom that was spent on him, that ill-treat-
ed city would now, instead of being blot
ted out, be a flourishing station on the So
dom & Gomorrah Air Line Railroad, with
sleeping cars attached. But it never
seemed to do any good for Tompkins. No
mothers eye, with daughters in it, ever
rested hopefully on him, and no father
with sons was anxious that his boys should
know him. Mr.. Tompkins was not ignor-
ant of these things; indeed, he had often
told them to himself, the only person, by
the-by, to whom any person ever does fulfil
that injunction of the law, to tell ''the
truth, theAwhole truth, and nothing but
the truth" And partic ularly on New
Years night did he tell these disagreeable
things to himself, and, as he looked in the
fire and put down his pipe, remark, ut
won't do, my boy, it won't do"
Now when a man says one thing won't
do, he is very apt to look around for anoth-
er that will do, but in this case Tompkins
hardly had time to look around. for the
door opened and "a vision of lovellness"-
that's the way the newspaper men put 1t
| YOU know, came IN. She was q blonde
you know all angels are blondes and her
| figure was perfect and her eyes dazzling
and-all that sort of thing and as she came
| in at the door she blushed, for, to tell Morc
| truth, Tompkins didn't have on any coat
and a man without his coat, as all the
world knows, is terrible sight for deli
cate female. The blush made her so much
prettier that Tompkins could hardly ke' p
his eyes eff her while he was busting Il
chair for her to sit down. She gave him
the sweetest look and remarked,
81 think know you, MI. Tompkins.'
He smiled assent, but he thought to
himself, to come into his room in this kind
of style, she must have known the family at
least as far back as his grandmother to JUS
tify it.
"And think know you to be very
| bad man.
This was new side to the subject that
he hadn't seen. He begged her to believe
that good men were very scarce.
'.Indeed" said he ''with the exception of
the clergy and the editor of the V1NDIcA-
TOR [ don't know of a man in Stanton
that could lay my hands on and say he
was perfectly good. l am as good as the
general run of 'em ma'am."
s'The general run of them is bad enough
Sir. You smoke!''
every little,'' said Tompkins, chewing
hard on cardiman seed, every little-just
enough for my healtil.''
C and drink !"
"Oh, no indeed ma 'am, haven't touched
drop SINCE" but he saw her eye resting
on a bottle labeled 'Bumgardner's two
year old and said ''since 1 took a little for
my health"
"That bottle?"
"Oh, yes, that bottle-that bottle, that's
a little New Years present for MI. Bum
gardeners little two year old ="
81 don't think Mr.. Tompkins there's any
necessity to lie about it," she Said looking
him sternly in the face.
''Oh no." said Tompkins, emo necessity
for that sort Of thing, none atall.''
81 tell you what it is Mr.. Tompkins" and
here she turned her chair square around on
him ''you want wife (Tompkins broke out
in a cold sweat), and you have got to have
one. Do you know what year this is?''
Tompkins said that as last ear was 1875,
he thought it more than likely lat this
was 1875.
"Your arithemetic is good, but it is
more than 1S76-it is Leap year."
Tompkins looked anxious.
"You want true Christian woman for
a wife,"
| oL3 lLO, WILL uC plCdUCO3 L SU6UI
1 don't. Don't put yourself to any trouble
on my account, it won't do any good, ill.,
deed. it WON'T"
"You want a pious loving woman. On e
who, when you return home from your
daily toll, will be at home when you want
her and when he didn't want her, thought
Tompkins, but ne 0idn'nt say ill., You
| Of al
minds, and cultivated intellects, and SYM
pathetic hearts, who will be fitting moth
er to your children"
81 haven't got any Children spoke up
Tompkins, very short and sharp, for he
thought his integrity was impeached.
"You haven't now. my FRIEND" she said
in sweet way. SYou will save money by
it; you will save character by it; it will be
the making of you"
81 don't want to be made. l wish I
hadn't been made at all. What have +
done that should be married off in this
way" said Tompkins, looking hurt.
| sit isn't what you have done, Mr.. Tomr-
kins, it's what you have left undone. VINO
do you go to church with?'
ooi ~ W cHurcn With anybody, so
help me Bob don't" said Tompkin3 think
ing he saw chance to get out of it.
"Ah that is it you see. Then you will
have somebody to go with regularly, requ-
larly you know
ooh Lord" groaned Tompkins.
'Who do you go to concerts with 2"
Everybody" screamed Tompkins, 'sev-
erybody."