Lincoln County advocate. (Canton, Dakota Territory, [S.D.]) 1876-1877, 1876-12-27
WIT AND HUMOR.

WIT AND HUMOR.
ADAM SMITH said, !" Man is an animal
that makes bargains" So does whisky
HoMEwARD song Of the bees Wen
meet in the sweet, by and by.
The third river in Scotland is the
Forth. s
A N1MBLE fellow-the man who ran
up his flag.
WHEN ought mariners to have fruit
at sea? When they stem the currents.
HAY often thought that the con.
seited phools were the happiest persons
living. Billings.
ALFRED TENNYsoN thinks that eating
mince pie is like riding over cordu.
roy road.
"YoUcHTicA, N. "" was the address
on letter recently received at the
Utica post office.
JEAN INGELow is stout and not beautio
full. What figure for the muse Of
poesy.
A YANKEE editor, in response to
subscriber who grumbles that his morn.
ing paper was intolerably damp, says:
"That is because there is 80 much due
on it,"
The cheap restaurants in San Fran.
cisco give three good dishes for quar-
ter Of q dollar; and it is stated that the
city is good place for people of small
means and modest ideas to live in.
GENERAL SIR JOHN BELL, the senior
General Of the British army, recently
died at the ripe age of ninety-four.
This veteran Bell was cast in Fifeshire,
Scotland, in 1882.
WOMAN has many advantages over
man; one of them is that his will ha
no operation till be is dead, whereas
hers generally takes effect in her life
time.
"INEvER 60 to church" said coun-
try tradesman to his parish clergy;'"I
always spend Sundays in settling &C.
counts, You will find, sir" said the
clergyman, I" that the day of judgm ent
will be spent IN the same way"
"DEsERrED by all except his bob.
tailed dog, his life went slowly out as
the shadows of the setting sun crept
over the front stoop of Darling's gro
Gerry" is the way they express them.
selves in Georgia.
A NEGRO in South Carolina, who was
complaining Of the hard times, declared
they were the hardest ever known.
why" said he, II works all day an
steals all night, an yet I'm blest eff /
kin make an honest living!
A PAIR of ready made pants was pre-
sented q tribute to the victor at a re-
cent country shooting match. The re-
cipient remarked, as he surveyed the
surveyed the gift, that he hardly
thought it was q fitting one.
GEoGRE ELIOT says that the pecu.
liar waving motion Of the feelers
of the common cockroach are
not indicative Of derision or contempt,
but are the expressions Of an earnest
soul yainly striving to grasp q vanish.
ing ideal.
j The climate Of southern Georgia is
as mild as that of Italy. The only
change of apparel that editors in that
section make when winter comes is to
pin a pod of red pepper to the lapel
of their summer coats, and even this
is oppressive. Atlanta Consultation.
1 HERE is another case of retribnte
Justice. A clergyman in neighboring
town married runaway couple, and
the same night he was overtaken by 3
donation party, and had nothing in the
house to eat the next day save beans
and potatoes. Norristoanl Herald.
THERE are three things that foot
benches in church pews seem made
for yea, four-namely, to get in the
way for strangers to fall over; 10 ay
| up and hit man in the nose when
his head is bowed; to tip over in the
most solemn part of the ministers
prayer, and to make more noise than a
flock Of goats set loose on o barn floor.
The Graphic takes the palm for bad
puns. Here is an instance: The season
of base ball now glides silently into the
era Of buckwheat cakes. The batter
escapes from the pitcher and syrupti-
tiousty asa,,nc ees fc.:2ss q which the
ungriddleight.
PRovIDENr. Keeper: Beg pardon,
I sir, but you have just fred both bar.
rels. Sir Patrick (who, from the awful
kick" he received, wasn't likely to
forget it): Av course T have,-but
didn't I just load each bar'l with four
charges, and haven't six shots to the
good ~ Fanny Folks
I HENRY FAWcErr, the blind member
Of Parliament, remembers people by
their voices better than most people do
by their faces, and keeps his temper
better than most people who have eyes.
Probably because he sees less to offend
him.
The grandmother Of a little girl tried
to break her Of the habit Of saying peo-
pie lied, and instructed her to say they
were mistaken. "A few days after, her
grandmother, to amuse her, told her q
bear story, which was hard to believe.
After she had finished. the little grand
child looked up into her face and ex-
claimed: Grandma, that's the biggest
mistaken / ever heard 81
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