Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1876-06-17
JONES VS.. BROWN.
How Jones Saved his Credit at Home by
Making Good Use of Somebody EIse's
Fighting Ability.

How Jones Saved his Credit at Home by
Making Good Use of Somebody EIse's
Fighting Ability.
The Vicksburg miss } Herald is re-
sponsible for the following story Mrs.
Jones was standing in her back yard
feeding the chickens, when Stonewall
Jackson came running in, crying as
though his heart would break, and told
her that Bill Brown had slapped him
for nothing. Mrs. Jones never said a
word, but she grit -her teeth hard, and
went into the house to cut cabbage, and
chopped it so fine, thinking it was Bill
Browns head, that you might have
sifted it through a cobweb. While
Jones sat eating his dinner that even
ing, Mrs. Jones told him of the out
rage thathad been committed, and asked
him what he was going to do about it 2
Jones pondered. Bill Brown was fully
twenty-one years old, a shining light in
the fire department, pitcher in base
ball club, and had the general reputa-
ton among experts of being "a good
man." After considering these things
carefully, Jones came to the conclusion
that the best course to pursue was "to
treat Brown with silent contempt" and
so he told his wife, adding, by way of
parenthesis, "my dear, such cattle are
beneath our notice."
"All right, Mr.. JONES'" said Mrs. j.,
eff you're not man enough to protect
your family, thank God I've got q
brother" and she swept from the room
with look that Jones knew only too
well. He had seen that same look on
his wife's face once before, when he
brought friend home to dinner on wash
ing day, and he knew it meant war.
There was no help for it it flashes upon
Jones with the swiftness of lightning
there would be no peace in the Jones
family until the insult of the morning
had been wiped out.
That night the boys were all sitting
in a neighboring beer saloon, and its
genial proprietor was telling them what
he would do if he got the nomination
for alderman. This gentleman, whom
! we will call Mike, because that was not
his name, was an ex-prize fighter, could
barely write his name, and was in many
other respects especially qualified for an
alderman. He kept good beer and
IL WlUu Ulldb ldNlbl1 dLCl
recklessness of expenditure for which
Vicksburg candidates are famous. Jones
came in, took his pro rata of beer, and
sat himself down to mediate upon the
Brown affair. At last happy idea
seemed to strike him; he called for an
other "shoo-fy," and rubbed his hands
and slapped his knees in gleeful antici-
patton. r',
At last he said to Mike, with care
less air: "Mike, is Bill Brown one OF
your supporters %
muck on that" says Mike, "there's q
boy do stand solid with"
"That's strange" said Jones.
% "What's stranger" said Mike, with
that uneasy, suspicious air so common
among candidates. ... ....... .......
"Oh, nothing" said Jones, mysteri-
ously; 81 don't think ought to tell. u
"Jones," said Mike, solemnly, "ii
you're friend of mine you'll tell. :"
"Well, will, - said Jones, "but you
must keep it confidential"
"All right; go ahead" said Mike,
anxiorsly.
"Weli," said Jones, "I just came
from the Centennial barroom, and heard
Brown say that you didn't know your
head from a shotgun; that he caught
you, one day, reading newspaper up
side down; that he'd sooner vote for the
lowest down plantation boy in the ward
than vote for you, and that if you were
elected, city scrip would go down to five
cents on the dollar, and taxes go up so
high you couldn't reach them with a
balloon" ... r. .-
Mike put on his hatand coat and made
a bee line for the Centennial barroom.
Jones went home and sat down on the
front gallery, smoking his. cigar with
that peace of mind which only one can
know whose bosom is disbended with
the proud consciousness of having done
q good action. .'
About half an hour afterward he said
to his wife, who was sitting inside:
Mrs. j., [ don't think Bill Brown
will hit our boy any more"
"Why2" ..
"Come and see.
Mrs. Jones stepped to the window
and looked out. They were bringing
Brown home ON shutter, with both OF
his eyes buuged up, and his nose drip
ping blood at every pore.
Mrs. Jones turned to her husband
and said:
Darling, can you forgive me ?"
Jones drew himself up haughtily and
replied with whitening sarcasm: "Mrs.
Jones, 1 don't think I'm able to protect
this family; you had better send for
your brother"
Mrs. J. was crushed. .