Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-09-08
II I'm OR.

II yOuIlS 1ndu WdS AC4uCAuiJ OduOloAOu
by his father to vote for measures, not
men, He promised to do so, and soon af-
ter received a bonus to vote for Mr.. Peck.
His father, astonished at him voting for
man whom he deemed Objectionable, in
CURED the reason for doing so. ''Surely,
father" said the young man, ''you told
me to vote for measures, and if Peck is not
a measure, don't know what is"
An table seaman'' from Ardamurchan
was at the tiller of his sloop one night,
shortly after the introduction Of colored
signal lights Oh ships. A steamer was ap-
preaching. and Archy saw the green and
red lights for the first time at sea. He as
tonished his shipmates by yelling out,
s'Hard a-port hard a-port We're gaun
RIGHT intae the spothecary's shop at Gou-
rock!"
George Elliot says that young mans
eyes first open to the world when he is in
love. This is not always so. Usually it is
when he has gone away from home and had
his washing sent out for the first time, and
finds among it when it is returned an odd
stocking with two red stripes about the
top, and long enough to button around his
neck.
Human nature is indeed curious study
A boy may sing s'Hold the Fort;' so sweet
ly on Sunday that the very walls of Zion
tingle with the sacred melody, and yet you
wouldn't recognize him on week days
when he comes out from swimming and
finds some other boy has hope lessly knott.
ed up his shirt sleeves and troussr legs.
"What do you sell those fowls for?" in
quired person of a man attempting to
dispose of some chickens of questionable
appearance. 81 sell them for profits,' was
the answer. eThank you for the inforna-
ton that they are prophets, "responded the
uuerist, 81 took them to be patriarchs.
After having written squib with much
care and deliberation, and the dignified
compositor up stairs halloos down the pipe:
els this joke or an advertisements such
a salute is calculated to make funny
man take an interest in the means of cheap
suicide.
The little girls were lately prattling to-
gether. and one of them said: 1--WE keep
four servants, have got six horses, and a
lot of carriages; now, what have you got?''
With quite as much pride the other an
swered, ''We've got skunk under our
barn."
A fashion ex change says that 1.-THE jabon
is now generally used by married ladies. )"
-Norwich Bulletin. This would seem to
indicate that harmless but incorrect me-
thod of spelling jawbone is now prevalent
in polite society.-Efee Press.
There is always a feeling of regret when
we part forever with familiar objects, II"
matter how humble or unimportant they
NAV be. This, however, does not include
any parting with dog in strange apple
orchard.
Richard Grant White says that there is
no such thing as sin our midst" and the
Boston ssJournal" would like to kn'w
where be would place the pain that makes
paregoric a popular beverage among the
young.
elbow to Get Rid of a Cold" is being
discussed by the country papers. Put
little o-glycerine up your nose. then hit
it with sledge hammer, and the cold will
never trouble you again.
;ssGood for the crops,'' said a man, look
ing out of the car window into the rain.
eyes, answered a Cape Amer, sour
granite never looked more promising than
it does this morning."
A clergyman said the other day that
modern young ladies were not daughters
of Shem and Ham, but daughters OF Hem
and Sham-compounds of sewing and make
believe.
The Oswego "Palladium' mentions
James Clark and wife, who 'were born,
died. and were buried on the same day."
Jimmy and his wife must have been aw-
fully young.
An Irishman seeing the numerous hills
and mountains out west exclaimed :: sBe-
dad. never was in country before where
they had 50 much land that thay had to
stack it,
s.That's carrying the thing altogether
too far, you KNOW as the man said when
he got on the cars at Centennial and found
his trunk had gone on to Pittsburg.
friend informed us that the difference
between bankrupt fertilizer consist in
the fact that the former is ''done bu It,
and the latter "bone dust"
4.Do birds,'' asks magazine writer,
.sdie natural death?' Weknow of many
who have probably died in that way. We
shot at them, anyhow.
If turns out that corsets have been worn
for thirty-fve centuries.-E1. Show us a
woman who has worn one that long, and
we shall believe you-
s.Doctor, how is a man to tell mush-
room from Etoadstool?" "ty eating it.
If YOU live, it is a..mushroom; if You die, it
Is a toadstoo1.'
# takes a good deal of philosophy for a
man who bumps his head against an empty
sbe1f f. excuse the shelf on the score CT
hard times.
The next thing ahead is Sept embef,
steves Won MISUNDERSTANDING all fit
no trouble-easiest thing in the world.
The proper name for quack doetress-
Charlotte-A1fn.