The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-02-12

| "A house paper-A ueatn warrant.
Costly furnture-Indian Bureaus.
The fare thing-A horse car ticket.
Cologne is called the Scentennial city.
Poor misunderstanding an almshouse.
Sweets in adversity-A sugar-house fail
| ure.
The man who would like to see YOU
the blind man.
-Ticklish misunderstanding the keys
of country bank.
Got cousin in Philadelphias If SO,
the Centennial show may 60 on.
A. T. Stewart doesn't smoke nor chew
he'll be rich some day.
"A Missouri murderer has been SEN
fenced to ninety nine years in the peniten-
tiary.
When man appoints himself to be
drunkard, there is no doubt about his being
confirmed
All, here he is! His residence is Phil
adelphia, his age is 1O4, and his name is
John Smith!
"A true picture of despair is pig
reaching through hole in the fence to get
cabbage that lies few inches beyond
his reach.
But few men can handle hot lamp
chimney and say there is no place like
home at the same time.
AT recent fair held in Baltimore
chair was voted to the LATEST policeman,
but he was too lazy to accept it.
Little FIVE year old, after shopping with
her mother at leading dry goods stores,
remarked: "Seems to me there are good
many boys named Cash."
General Spinner favored the employ
ment of female clerks in the Treasury, be-
cause he declared that a woman was afraid
to steal more than two dollars.
"A Chester county couple celebrated
their wooden wedding, last Fall, and have
been using no other fuel than clothes pins
and potato Washers ever since.
Its curious incident of matrimony
that if you tell your wife to get up and
build the fire she exhibits her dutiful obe-
dience by forthwith proceeding to Fl e up.
The Sandwich Islands are going to
| adopt new flag, but they can't decide
whether to take a gray horse blanket with
hole in it, or an old vest with the back
ripped out.
Whu la
men quote Burns as saying, "the wee sma'
hours" ETC.? The phrase, which occurs in
" Death and DR.. Hornbook," is 'wee short
hours ayant the twal."
On next 4th Of July, when a man rises
to make a speech, and doesn't begin by
saying, Zone hundred years ago to-day"
he should be pulled down by the coat tails
and forced to take back seat
"A robber having broken into phioso-
piers house, went to the bed of the savant
and told him if he moved he was a dead
man. "That's a falsehood," said he 'for
if move I'm sure that I'm alive"
The other day, a carpenters son, aged
six years, who had been left alone in his
fathers workshop, was disturbed while en-
gagged in the painful operation of screwing
up his eyes. He was Immediately taken to
a surgeon.
-"W Will you have it rare or we'll done?"
said an Englishman to an Irishman, as he
was cutting slice of roast beef. 81 love
it well done liver since l am in this coun-
try" replied Pat, "for it was rare enough
we used to ate it in Ireland"
A young married man who talked about
90 Tom and Jerry" in his sleep, the other
| night, told his wife next morning. upon
being called upon for an explanation, that
Tom and Jerry" were very warm friends
of his, and she seemed satisfied.
"A painter whose talents were but in
Indifferent, turned physician. He was asked
the reason OF it. I" In painting" answered
he, "all the faults are exposed to the eye;
but in physic they are buried with the pa
tient, and one gets off more easily
"A lawyer, about to finish bill of costs,
was requested by his client, baker, to
the lawyer, "you might properly enough
say that to the foreman of your establish
ment; but that is not the way make my
Bread
-" Billy, how did you lose your finger >"
Easy enough" said Billy. 81 suppose
you did-but how" 81 guess you'd "a
lost yourn if it had been where mine was"
"That don't answer my question" "Well,
if you must know" said Billy, 81 had to
cut it off, or else steal the trap
eel never did see such wind and such
Storm said man in a coffee room.
"And pray, sir, inquired would-be wit,
"since you saw the wind and the storm,
what might their color be-" "The wind
blew and the storm rose" was the ready
reieinder.
-" What will you have?" asked waiter
of one of the Indiana editors at the dinner
in Philadelphia, as he handed him a bill of
fare. And the Hooser with the high fore
head leaned back in his chair, wiped his
forehead thoughtfully with napkin, and
CALCULATED Sternly: 'Glmme all.
"A Danbury couple have nice little
daughter of some five Summers. A lady
visitor observed to the mother, What
pretty child you have. She must be a great
comfort to you.' " She is, indeed" said
the fond mother. "When I'm mad at
John don't have to speak to him. She
calls him to his meals, and tells him to get
the coal and other things that want; she's
real handy
A leap year tragedy: They stood to-
gether in the entry beneath the hall lamp.
"Then, Henry she said, in a low voice,
wherein were blended determination, mel
ancholy and love, "you refuse my suit?"
Eyes, Ella, he replied in accents that were
firm, though the speakers voice trembled.
81 admire you; will be a brother to you,
and watch with pride your course through