The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-02-04
Wit and IiumOr.

REMEMBER the poor. There Thank
Heaven we've done our duty.
DoN'r buy n coach to please your wife.
Better make her little sulky.
DoN'r write long obituaries. Save
some of your kind words for those
living.
How DOES man differ from the brute
creation9 He stands upright, but he
doesn't act so.
MONDAY for wealth,
Tuesday for health,
wednesday the best day of al.
Thursday for crosses,
Friday for losses,
Saturday no luck at all.
"JAcK, how do you like the rector's
daughterl" "Don't know I've always
seen her drunk" "What the rectors
daughter drunk3" "No T."
OUT in Nevada two wives lay claim to
courts to decide which of them shall be
considered the Best-hof of the two.
THAT was a smart little girl who, in
answer to the catechism's question
"What is the outward, visible sign or
form in baptism9" replied, 1.-THE baby"
BAD luck is simply a man with his
hands in his pockets and his pipe in his
mouth, looking on to see how it will
come out. Good luck is man of pluck
with his sleeves rolled up and working to
make it come out right.
A SCOTTISH student, supposed to be
deficient liz judgment, was asked by a
professor, in the course of his examina-
ton. how he would discover a fool.
"By the questions he would ask, was
the prompt and suggestive reply.
HERS was face
Whose occult charm no limner's art
Could steal whose nameess grace
Elusive was, light that falls
Where waters part.
face so fair,
So haunted with sweet mysteries,
1t seem'd face astray from heavenly scenes,
And not of one who e'cr
Had breakfasted on buckwheat cakes,
Or dined on beans.
An Irishman was brought before aJus-
tice of the Peace on charge of vagran-
cy, and was thus questioned: "What
trade are youl" "Sure, now, yer hon
or, an I'm sailor - "You, a sea-
faring man L question whether you
have ever been to sea in your life 20
"Shure, now, and does yer honor
think 1 came over from Ireland in a
wagin!"
A oowAkDLY inuendo: Darby-"Wo.
dyer say2 Agoin to water the milk,
am II Well, your mother don't do it
oh no, not at ALL" Joan-"No, that
she don't, surely! !" Darby" Ah, then,
if she don't water that there milk, tell
her she did ought TO have them blarsted
old cows of hern matched, cause they
must leak in the rain 70 And this is how
the young people do their counting.
A FELLOW in Kentucky ran away with
a farmers daughter and horse, and was
holly pursued. The farmer got within
close range, and hourished revolver.
Don't shoot, for heavens sake !"
shouted the lover. 81 won't" was the
reply, "'cause I'm afeared III hit Their
boss. Just leave ther boss and take ther
gal" The compromise was accepted by
the young folks, who walked on to the
preachers house, the father riding home
on his horse.
DICKENS, Watts Tupper's Words
worth 2" asks the New York CONNER
ciai. Not Whitman. Hood imagine
they were. But when the veteran bard
Burns with modification, Shelley be
Dryden the furnace of sarcasm any Ion
ger. Besides, Byron-ing him down all
the while, you make him Pope-ular. If
you wish the memory of his Mother-well,
Shakespeare of ridicule at him no Moore.
- Utica Herald. This is enough to
Macaulay Swineburne with Paine. Do
you expect to TickeDl any one with such
Sucking Story? Percy We're Little
Morris dat, and Uhl get LANDED.
Wrother - Cincinnati Times. Law,
SAKE these Fellows are Whittier than
we think they are.-DetrON Ne,cS.