The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1876-02-24
The False Weather Prophet.

cut weeds when 1t is "a.wanin':" plant
potatoes in the light of the moon, because
they want them to come up. ana build
fence at the same time, because they want
it to stay up; put on shingles in the dark
Of the moon, to make them stay down;
who plant their cowcumbers" before
sunrise on the LIST of June, and sell their
produce according to the ember days.
The apostle of this class of agriculturists
in this section is an old grizzly bearded
sage living but few miles from the city,
who has the Intellectual capacity of Dig
ger Indian, uniteu to q loud .muuthcd con.
tidentness that carries conviction to his
disciples.
Last fall the old man studied up the
signs, felt the moss on the trees, took no.
tice Of the way pigeons were lighting out
for the south, peered into the muskrat's
holes, and then announced with the calm
assurance of an oracle, that we were 60.
ing to have a winter so cold that we would
think the Groenlanders had gotten hold
of the isothermal line and twisted it
around, giving us their end of it.
Eyes, SIR" said old Weatherwise.
SITS a-goin' to be regular old singer,
an no mistake. It'll set in cold airly,
about the tllst Quarter Of the moon in
October, and keep on a-gittin' colder un-
til just afore the moon fulls in January;
it'll be so tarnation cold that coal-oil will
have to be sold by the chunk and you kin
buy whisky by the plug"
And his hearers straightway departed
from him, filled with the idea that new
glacial period was at hand. They hoped
up their wood piles until they could not
see over the tops thereof; they raised
small mountains over their potato holes;
they wasted their substance In buying
Ulster overcOats, and the stock of whisky
they laid in enabled q liquor dealer in
this city to make his wife present of
seal skin suit and diamond bracelet.
Thus fortified, they sat down and waited,
sneering at their less provident neighbors,
good deal aftet the fashion that old
Father Noah chuck led over the way those
fellows slipped who did not prepare an
ark of shittim wood at the time Of the ex-
traordinary precipitation, which lasted
forty days and forty nights.
At first the weather started in very
brash, and they were delighted. Then it
soflened up little and resolved itself
into a sort of mild, sub-tropical winter,
which, as 1t spread itself out over weeks,
began to disgust them: When Christmas
dawned, fair as May morning, they felt
as if they should be heard, and the man
who had built big ice-house by the
river and invested all his money in that
and ice plOws, stepped around to old
Weatherwise to ask what he meant by
thus triiing with their feelings and in
terests; if he was going to run this
weather business, he must do it, and not
fool around In this absurd manner. Old
Weatherwise annihilated him with
Now, any fool'd know better than to
expect real cold weather afore Christmas.
Just you wait till the days begin to
lengthen, then weather III begin to
strengthen, as the old sayin' is"
They were forced to be satisfied with
this, but went of grumbling. New Years
dawned even brighter than Christmas, and
then the chap who had bought barrel of
alcohol to serve as beverage in the cold
days, went to the old man In rage, but he
was put off with the excuse that the moon
was not in the right conjunction; to just
walt until the next change, when the moon
was once dark, it would he cold enough
to exceed their most sanguine expecta-
tons.
Once more they waited, but this time
with impotence. The moon changed
about two weeks ago, and the nights be-
came dark as Egypt. The anxious people
waited week for the fulfillment of the
old rascal's prophecies, and then they rose
as one man and went to his abode. The
scene that followed was tumultuOus. The
Ice man swure he was In league with the
men on the northern lakes to plumber his
the saw mill man said there
was no doubt that he had spite against
men trying to earn an honest living; the
men who had pork and grain to take to
market asked why he wanted to beat them
out of their hard earnings, while all
agreed he had made an agreement with
the Toledo clothing and whisky men to
get percentage on all the goods he sold
in his neighborhood; and they finally
took the false prophet out, rode him on a
rail, and then dragged him through mud
puddle. That prophet has now neither
honor in his own country nor any other.
Toledo Blade.