Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1876-12-23
Josh Billings Philosophy.
BRIK BATS.


shun that the best epitaff emmy
man kan hav for all praktikal pur-
poses, is good bank ackount.
/ am mean enuff to drink whis-
key, once in a while, but If ever
git mean enuff to sell it to anoth-
err hope may stray away, and
git lost at once.
Friends, like every thing else a
man gifts in this world, have to be
bought, and paid for promptly.
/ kant help but respekt emmy
man who haint got emmy failings
but kant luv him, he liz too good
for me.
Just kompare the things that
are usephull, with the ,hIngs that
are kept for show, then strike the
balance, and yu have got the
amount of common sense in this
world.
The CRATE fight liz fust fur breads
then for butter to put on the
bread. and then sugar to put on
the butter.
Don't parade yure misfortune
before the world yu mite az well
ShO yure ole sores and ask folks to
pity them. fsaH
The unhappiness ov this life
seems principally to konsist in
gittin everything we kan and
wanting everything we haint'
got. a,es 80
All things were kreated for ack-I
shun trust eats faster than frick-
shun wears. W. 1s.ssa,gl
BE mersiful to all the dunn ami
mails, no man kan get to heaven
on sore-backed horse.
Whiskey liz tyrant, it drives q
man out ov himself and takes pos
session ov the premises.
The man who kant forgit emmy
thing haint goin to learn much,
Thare's hardly emmy person but
what haZ twice az much farming
and philosophy as he has common
sense.
never knu a man yet with a
he'd full ov brains that could whis-
sell or sing tune korreckly.
He who sees nothing but virtew
in mankind liz phool, but he who
sees nothing but vice is not only
aphool, out raskall too.
/ don't konsider that there liz
emmy such thing az bad lux or gud
LUX in this world, but if there is
we make it ourselfs.
The safest man on the footstool
liz the one whom prosperity makes
oaushus and humble.
Lawyers, duks, and dokters are
remarkable for their big bills.
Dandys are work ov art, natur
never made one, if natur ever
made flop, she has refused to en-
dOrse him,
Man liz the only thing that laffs,
angels don't, brutes kant, land dew
ills won't, but there is more decep-
shun in laffing than in tears.
Luxury leads to vice, vice leads
to poverty, and thousands there be
who fife it out on this line:
Man thinks he liz the pekulier
bullfrog in this great puddle, boss
ov kreashun, peg lower than the
angels, perhaps, about two-thirds
divine, but just let him eat
green watermelon, aad have
hidaddy visit from the chollery
marbust, and what IL his private
opinion ov himselfthen.
Man dispizes the spotted tud,
silks up his nose at the varigated
katterpiller, traps for well-fed
mice, murders the festive fiy,wor-
rvs the pensiv kokroach and trods
on the biZzy ant hills,and yet emmy
one ov them are more honest and
less revengefull than he il,
Paupers suffer less than mixers
do-the man who don't kno WHARF
he liz going to git hiz next dinner,
suffers less than the one who liz
anxious to kno how mulch il is a
going TO kost him.
The rarest ov all things IL a
true friend, and think we value
our friends more on our ackonnt
then we do on theirs.
1t don'tpay to hats anybody, if
yu kant luv or respekt a fellow
kritter, pity him and let him
went.
About the only advantage ali
idle man haz over dead one, liz
in the phuneral expenses.
What man IL willing to buy he
is willing to sell, this ackounts for
the vast amount ov corrupshun
in the political market.
Virtew without knolledge liz
like vine with nothing to climb;