The Wheeling daily register. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1864-1878, 1876-05-24
The Latest MOtOr-Mr. jerks Aston.
fsning Discovery.


Philadelphia Bulletin.
A man named jerks came to a neigh.
boring village some time ago with q
machine he called "The jerks Motor"
jerks said it was the most wonderful dis
covered Of the age. He said that the
motive power was nothing but water. All
you had to do was TO pour bucketful of
water into the ''receiver," and it was in
stantly decomposed in gases, and then
the gases started the machine, which,
jerks said, would run from here to Peru
with half pint of water. And jerks
said his little idea in coming to the town
was to give the people chance to sub
scribe to some OF the stock Of the motor
company. JenKs said he knew he was
throwing away his own chances IN SELL
ing the stock, but he was philanthropy
list, and he wanted to give his fellow-men
an opportunity to 60 into big thing. So
he set the machine up in the office, which
was the only room in the building, so
that there would be no chance for fraud,
and number of people went around to
see it work.
First he poured some water into the
receiver; then he churned it up with q
kind of revolving paddle; then he open
ed the valves and stamped on the floor,
and the crank be- all to revolve with great
rapldity. The spectators all thought it
was wonderful, and jerks SAID that work
didn't express the idea in full. They ex :.
amined the machine, and saw that thers
was neither fire nor chemicals about it
nor any smell of gas, aud jerks said that
they must now confess that it was ust
about the grsndest achievement of the
human intellect. DR.. Potts was about to
admit the fact, when the crank slowed up
and he heard vehement.
"At-schewp
Apparently the sound came from be-
meath the floor. 1t sounded like a man
sneezing, but jerks said it was merely
violent explosion Of gas from the cylin-
der, and as the crank went ahead again
rapidly, the visitors all thought he must
be right. A minute later they heard an
other:
"Ah-ah-ah-tschew-w-wW
And tLen the machine stopped until ii
was over. DR. Potts began to look cross
eyed at jerks as if he suspected some.
thing, but jerks said it was one of the
peculiar properties of these decomposed
gases to push out the cylinder with vio-
lent Kissing sound, and, although he had
tried hard to prevent it, he had found it
TO be impossible.
Then the machine went on again swift
ly, and jerks was just directing attention
to the pressure. gauge, which stood at 600
pounds to the square inch, when the ma
chine came to dead halt, and the spec
tators heard, evidently in the cellar:
"Ah-ah-ah-tschewl Begorra but I'll
sneeze the head of of me if keep on"
Then the crank began to revolve again,
and jerks. getting very red in the face,
said Indignantly:
(Which of you gentlemen have been
playing on me by practicing ventriloqu-
ism? II isn't the square thing"
Before anybody could answer they
heard another terrible sneeze in the Gel
lar, accompanied with an exclamation:
"Mother of Moses, but it bates Banag-
her down yer for ketchin' cowld!'
The machine came TO dead halt and
presently square yard ofthe floor began
to bulge up. Directly human head APP
peared through the opening ard An irish
man crawlet. out into the room. jerks
looked ready to faint; and the man get
ting up and brushing the cobwebs of his
hat, said:
"Mr. Jenksl It's meself that's tired OF
turnin" that internal crank down there
in that dark hole. The rats are nlbblin
me legs, snd it's 20 damp that I'm ketch-
in me death O cowld. I'm goin TO give
up the job. ;.
While he was speaking DR.. Potts dis
covered fine wire running from the
crank to the cellar, and hidden by the
machinery. jerks turned white, and
stammered out:
"This is painful, gentlemen, very pain
full. But the fact is Ill hadn't quite
got my receiver 10 working right, and
wsnted-I thought-I-thst Is lon,
hang it, I'm going to quit"
And jerks darted through the door
and left town. He don't sell any stock