The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1876-04-26
ITEMS.

Why is a store that don't advertise like
Enoch Arden ? Because it =" sees no sale
from day to day"
What's going on?" said well-known
bore to Douglas Jerrald. am, was the
reply, and on he went.
A man may be said to have been drinking
like fish when he finds that he has taken
enough to make his head swim.
What do you take for cold ?" said lady
to Mr." -Four pocket handkerchie1s day,
madam, was the answer.
A Chicago lady, whose lord and master
INDUCES rather freely in the convivial glass,
says he is kind but indulgent husband.
The bull-frog was the first circulating
greenback, and the entire breed have been
notorious inhationist ever since the food
New York Evening Mail.
Button parties are popular in the
West. We don't know whence they derive
their name, unless it is because they're al
ways sure to come Oft.
A physician boosted at dinner that he
cured his own hams, when one of his guests
remarked: " Doctor, I'd sooner be your
ham than your patient"
Wheat is four feet high in Texas They
have tarantuas in Florida, oranges in Cali
tie Spring.-New York Graphic
Wanted-A cover for bare suspicion, a
veil for the face of nature, buttons for the
breaches of privileges, binding for a volume
of smoke, cement for broken engagements.
There is woman in Jersey so econom-
ical that the other night, while her husband
was abed, she turned and made over his last
pair of pantaloons for one of the children.
~. -
left his squaw in a saloon there, the other
day, as security for the payment ola whisky
bill Probably one of the Pawn-ee tribe
New York Commercial Advertiser.
A Western paper announces the illness of
its editor, piously adding: All good
paying subscribers are requested to mention
him in their prayers. The others need not
as the prayers of the wicked avail nothing
Z" My boys, tell us what you know about
&c rattan ;" said the Committeeman. g 1t i:
sometimes called the Calamus Rottang-;
comes from Penang, Samarang, and Padang
and is used by the master in this school toe
dang often"
The spirits materialized George Washing
ton at a seance in Indiana the other day, anC
when one ofthe spectators asked him whether
he was really the great hatcheter; our frs
President replied, Dot ish der kind 0
Hans ich am"
Mary II say, Mrs Mccarthy, this ere
now, and is it, honey i? Then pick another
Bless her, young cabbages is like sweet
hearts; YOU must thry half-a-dozen fore v
gets good wan. Fun.
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the. pre-
vailing extravaganza Of the people of TIL
present day by calling attention to the cost
" baby carriages used now, while, whel
he was a baby, they hauled him around b.
the hair of the head.
Somebody gave Paddy McGraph
picked egg Yesterday Paddy bit it in two
opened his mouth made face and said
6 Be me sowl, I'll go before ony Jedge o
jury in the wurreld an take me oath dha
the hin that led that egg had the .dyspips
or heartburn"
Come, Pete, T" said a merchant to ger
tleman of the colored persuasion. What
YOU put that lood of wood INTO the celia
for ?" g In the fuss place, my name
Peter, sir; secondly, Use a perfeshnal carpe
cleaner and Whitewater; furdemo, dosen'
compete for sic jobs, sab "
Norman MLeod was once preaching in
district in Ayrshire, where the reading of
sermon is regarded as the greatest fault
which the minister can be guilty. When th
congregation dispersed, an old woman, owe
flowing with enthusiasm, addressed he
neighbor Did We ever hear one thing sa
gran? Wasna that n sermon But a
her expressions of admiration being met b
a stolid silence, she shouted, Speak, woman
wasna that sermon ?" ooh. av, reptile
her friend. sulkilv, " but he read it.
Read it ? p" said the other, with indignan
emphasis, Z" wadna haze cared if he ha
whustled it"