American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1876-08-05
The Woman Who Had a Chance,


Fourth of July, Mr.. Simon Jones, o
Galloway County, Missouri. thought h;
would take a holiday from farm WORK
enc celebrate it in mild and suitable
though selfish manner without his wife,
assistance. He knew Mrs. Jones wouIt
not.approye of it If he presented the sub
ice. ii d plain light; so he gave it al
agricultural aspect.
"No farmer gets rich in these part:
except he watches powerful close, and
the thing that needs the most watching
Just at this time is corn-plows,'' was the
preliminary remark to his wife.
"And 'spect you want to spend al
the money on the place e-buying some
new patent or other. That's the way,
Simon Jones. Then you're always a.
meeting them Cane Checkers when you
go to town to buy any thingi and
then, about the only thing you buy is
whiekt.'
''Ain't 1 a sober man, Martha Jones ?''
he demanded in a very solemn tome
Solemnity is made to do duty fer HON
esty all over the world. Mr.. Jones
knew the effect of solemnity, but Mrs.
Jones was not to be captured by it this
time.
"Nobody said you were not sober,
and if you iust stay at home and pillow
corn you're a-going to keep sober.'
"That's the way with wimen, Martha
Jones; they can't vote nor hold Office,
so they amt got no patriotism. I'd like
to know what sort of country this
would be if wimen had the runhin' of
iter
"There's corn-plows a-plenty on this
place; the only trouble, they don't get
used enough. Now, Simon Jones, you
can go to town and buy every thing you
see there; but I'm a-going too!''
"Well, go. Martha; go and kill them
mules pullin' that heavy wagon-go, if
you want to.''
al am a-going, if 1 live. You can't
make me swallow down all this corn
pillow business on the Fourth of July.
know all about it; you've planned to go
gallivanting off to some picnic and leave
your poor wife at holne.''
Here Mrs. Jones buried her face in
her apron and the matter. was settled
instantly. Simon surrendered. Mrs.
Jones was elated with her triumph, and
wickedly determined that she would
enjoy to the full the results of her first
domestic victory. When Mr.. Jones
came to the door with his mule team on
the morning of the Fourth, Mrs. Jones
came out in calico dress and a pink
sun-bonnet. Mr.. Jones saw her evil
dent want of patriotism with dissatis-
fled eye.
"Couldn't you fix little for the
Fourth of July?''
go, amt fixed nice enough? !
knew it. You're ashamed of me, Simon
Jones! l am not agoing now at all,
and that's just what you wanted all the
time.''
''No, no, want you to go and enjoy
it;'' which was not word of it the
truth. '.But 1 think you ought to be
better fixed than that for the Fourth of
July i" and that was the truth.
1t took a good deal of judicious per-
suasion on the part of Mr.. Jones to
keep his wife's face out of her apros
again; thing he particularly disliked.
But, after some skirmishing, they set
out for town and the Fourth of July.
Mr.. Jones knew that his wife would
want some money when they got to
town; for he had experienced the fact
that women are habitually unhappy if
they haven't money at hand, be it ever
so little. So, like a prudent man, he
drew from the family bank money suf-
ficient for their patriotism. He had in
his wallet two bills, one of the denomi-
nation of twenty dollars, for his own
use; the other one dollar note for his
wife. 1t was not a fair distribution of
the family funds, whether for patriotic
or any other use but Mr.. Jones studied
domestic economy. In this case, how
ever, there was one lesson wasted.
Before they reached town Mrs. Jones
asked for money, as was expected. Mr..
Jones intended to show the contents of
his wallet, and, of course, give her the
one dollar note; since no woman in or
out of Missouri has occasion to be pa
triotic on the Fourth of July to the
amount of twenty dollars. The matter
has never been satisfactory and clear to
Mr.. Jones yet; although he speaks in
forcible terms of the "cussed mean
ness" of his mules. The mules might |
have been to blame, for Missouri mules
are peculiar. But when fire-crackers
began to pop suddenly in the rear of
their wagon, even superanuated old
Confederate mules would have done |
what Mr.. Jones's mules did-kick out
their contempt for all such paltry pa
triotism, and then run away. In the
activity of that runaway, Mr.. Jones |
gave his wife the wallet, and she, of |
course, took the money intended for
her. So when things-that is, the mules |
quiet, they entered the town in
triumph.
When the mules had been securely |
hitched Mr.. Jones went at once in pur-
suit of new corn-plows. Mrs. Jones, |
not being agriculturally patriotic, went
to Il milliner's. Mr.. Jones met old |
friends living on Cane Creek, and as
corn-plows were what they needed, too,
the whole party went in pursuit of those
useful implements. Before buying they
agreed to ask the captains advice. 1t