The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1876-09-08
WHAT THE WITS SAF.

Croqaet is dead in st. Louis, and base
ball is dead in st Louis. The country is
still COO young for brain-work. Courier
journal.
Twenty-Five cents worth of chewing gum
will entertain a Connecticut girl when loves
magic and moonlight won't raise ripple
on her soul.-Aryus.
The dirty Sioux Indian never speaks po-
etically of fire water or of smoking the
peaceful pipe. He asks for rum and tobac-
co like a loafer.-N. 7. Herald.
Sitting Bull has taken solemn oath
never to wash his face until he has stood
face to face with the white liar who started
the scurrillous report that he is a West
Point graduate.-N. r Herald.
Sam Cary is booked by the N. Y. Com
nercial Adoertiser for Salt river And this
is absurdly unnecessary. Why, Sam has
rayeled that route SO long that all the en-
ployes think he owns it.-Rochester Demo
crGt.s
Tennessee is the banner State. It was
Tennesses, you remember, which foisted
six wives on to one sewing machine agent.
Now it is selling spring chickens for eight
cents piece.-Dan6ury News.
Business is invariably fiat during a presi-
Dental contest, and this being presidential
year, explains, perhaps, why the efforts of
four men were required to set one fence
post on Munson street yesterday afternoon.
Dambury Ne0s.
They never use bulletin board on the
Worcester Press. They merely take the
insele out of the EDITORS slipper and lean it
out of the second story window against the
side walk and chalk their dispatches on
that.-Nsrtoich Bulletin.
6" 1t isn't those seven bananas I've eaten,
nor those half-dozen pears, but / feel that
there are few congenial spirits to mine on
earth," and that delicate hand stole to the
place where her belt buckles and she asked
for some strong ginger syrup.--New Orleans
Bulletin.
People who are going to dry any apples
should do it now, for a sudden demise of
all the house flies is anticipated soon, and
it is only through the instrumentality of
the house fly that dried apples are brought
to state of perfection n.-Fulton Times.
Blue-jeans Williams has had large FIVE
cornered patch of red flannel sewed ON the
postern gate Of his blue jeans, and the In
diana Democracy get right down On their
knees in humble admiration when he pass
es by, looking like a red lantern swinging
from blue line car.-Haackeye.
A New Jersey man shot at cat and
brought down his wife the first time. The
most singular part of the affair is, the
wounded woman actually believes that he
aimed at the cat. One of the most beauti-
full characteristics of wife is the unswerv-
ing confidence she places in the word of her
husband. -Norristoson Herald.
:'Things is gettin' slouchways in dis
country, / declar' to grashus eff dey aints, !"
cebAu <tu ot0 us1kSko tL0 otiACA u@Js ooO
come the cattypiller, den de chicken kol-
lery, an now here comes the grasshoppers;
an hear talk de udder day dat a niger
was pisened wild mushmillion. Looks
like hard times-you heerd my horn. -
SdgGnnGh Nesos.
From Oshkosh: A man in the town of
Rushford killed another mans dog. The
SON of the man whose dog was killed, there
fore, proceeded to whip the man who kill
ed the dog of the man he was son of. The
man who was son of the man whose dog
was killed was arrested by the man who
was assaulted by the son of the man whose
dog the man assaulted and killed.
Boston Advertiser, August 10, 1876: A
beer brewer has patented new beverage
called "Jewish beer" Hebrews it HIM
self, you know.-Com. Adoertissr. Don't
Jewish you had some.-Boston Globe.
Sham This Israelly too bad. Worcester
Press. But Judear people, the beer Israel
ite and pleasant. - Prooidenee Journal.
Scribes, cease this Babylon. You deserve
a Canaan for your Levite-y.-GrapAsc.