Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1876-09-15
Il u III Or.

says the Burlington "Hawkeye," one
''hollering woman in every street. A
woman who never goes after anyone, but
always calls across the street Who never
looks for her children, but rushes to the
front gate and sbrieks to them until, IN the
pauses Of her shouting, she hears them an
swering from the room she has just left.
Every street has one "hollering woman"
No street has more, for as soon as two
'shollering WomenH are thrown together
by pitiless fate upon one street, the neigh
bors vacate and emigrate until rents come
down, or, as it often happens, one of the
''hollering women pulls up stakes and
goes elsewhere, for they cannot brook
opposition. The '.hollering woman" gen
orally manages to keep her street in a
lively state of Evolutionary excitement,
and if you happen to live within under
standing distance your diurnal serenade is
something like this 'sTommy! Tom-ee!
Tom my Oh, Tom! You Tom! Come
right along here and break some of this
dry wood, OF III break your back! Mary!
You Ma-ree! You get off that tree-box
this mint, you great tom-boy, or III skin
you within an inch of our life! Ma-ree! Oh,
Miss Pinkhard Miss Pinkhard Oh-h-h!
Miss Pinkhard! Won't you tell your
milk-man, when he comes to stop at my
gate? Mine came this evening before we
were up. Erasmus! Erasmus! Fec
rasmus! E-e-e-ras-mus Come right
fol Of hoo
to the grocery, and tell him if he can't
send what ordered L don't want any.
Erasmus I say! Oh, Miss HARRISON! How's
the baby IS measles? Did you try that tea
I sent over last night? Who cut your
polonaise? Ma-ree! Mary! Where's Eme-
line gone to, I'd like to know! Didn It
tell you not to let her get out of your
sight a minute? Now, you hunt her up,
and bring her right home. Good morning,
Miss Barnaby. Did you know they were
burglars over to Thropses last night? G. t
in at the kitchen winder, and took a pair
of Mr.. Throp's pants, with dollar and d
half in 'em, and Miss Tnrop's big jet bress-
pin! Where are you going? Tommy!
Tommaeei Oh, Tom! Mary, L Say Eras-
mas! Oh, Miss Pinkhard' The seren-
AIDE continues at random all day long, and
is familiar to every one who has lived
within gunshot Of the ''hollering oman"
A hint for summer hotel keepers: A
gentleman comes down stairs in the morn
ing after battle with the bugs, in Which
he comes off second best. ''This is terri
ble-that bed was full of bugs" Certain
ly,' replies the clerk, suavely, "What do
you mean?'' ''It will be fifty cents day
extra for chambers without bugs"
An Irishman in Iowa was bitten by a
rattlesnake, but the liberal use of a neigh
boris whiskey cured him. The next day
he was seen walking slowly on the prairie,
and looking earnestly for something. He
was asked what he was looking for, "For
the boite of SNAKE" was the reply.
sMay I leave a few tracts?" asked a
travelling quack Go ctor Of lady who re-
sponded to his knock. 'sLeave some tracks?
Certainly you may" said she, looking al
him most benignly over her specs, ''leave
them with the heel toward the house, if
you pie ase."
Song-writers have good deal to say
about the ssold school-house," but are very
careful not to mention the fact that
rabbit track would have pulled them away
from the dear old structure at race-horse
speed during any period Of their at
tendance.
ssPeter, don't you enjoy the Astronomical
phenomena these evenings ?'' said we'll
to-do citizen, resident in West Harrisburg,
to his coIored employe, the other evening.
C Glare to goodness, I never tried 'em
mushmelon's my favorlte fruit ~
81 don't see how you can have been
working all day like horse,' exclaimed
the wife of lawyer, her husband having
declared he had been thus working. 'Well,
my dear,'' he replied, five been drawing
a conveyance all day, anyhow"
ia girl died in Vermont the other day
from poison in the colored stockings which
she had been in the habit Of wearing"
This should serve as lesson to girls not
to pull their colored stockings on with
their teeth.
The Rochester Democrat" gives cur
rency to the incredible scandal that. ''sta-
tistics show that thus far in this Centen
NAL year two boys have been born to ev-
cry girl" Is nobody's character safe?
A belated citizen, from whom police
man was trying to rescue lamp post
few mornings ago, violently resisted the
endeavor, exclaiming: "Lemme alone;
I'm fhic) hold'n' tn fort"
An Illinois editor has struck upon II noy-
ell idea. When he finds an item going a.
round without credit and he wants to re-
publish it, he gives credit to Shakespeare
and goes ahead.
Paris has perfumed hats" says an ex-
chance. That's nothing new. Pass ground
hat any time in New York AMI it's
sure to have a scent or two in it.
By ssthe Governor. ''-It's hard work to |
keep your sons in check while they're |
young; it's harder still to keep 'em in
checks when they grow older.
what is the interior Of Africa princi-
pally used for?'' asked teacher Of Il pu-
pill For the purpose Of exploration"
was the reply.
The Sultan continues to have delirium
tresnens, and thinks he sees Ben Butler
coming up the back stair with hustle on.
ssMrs. Darlington" is solicitous to know
whether a man who dip his can into Eank
of water is can-tank-erous man.
Mr.. Swap edits a Kentucky exchange.
4.;I1;pc offoir-a clock