The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-02-25
Wit and HumOr.

The wedges of sin-Burglalio tools
CHOIR. ELsoME people-Church sing
ers.
WHEN man prefers water to spiritu-
GUS liquor he is a well wisher.
WHAT is that which every one wishes
for and yet tries to get rid of A splen-
did appetite.
AN old farmers description of point
less preacher was: ga good man, likely,
but he rakes with the teeth up"
SPEECH of an accused man in a court
at Boston last week: Gentlemen of
the jury, never stole any junk in my
life. That isn't my line. The dry goods
business is my line"
"WILL you please insert this obituary
notice 2" asked an old gentleman of an
editor. 81 make bold to ask it because
1 know the deceased had great many
friends around here who'd be glad to
hear of his death"
The other day when Detroit woman
asked her husband to bring home bar
of soap when he came home to dinner,
he exclaimed "What is that bar gone
so quick 2" It's all gone" she replied,
"but L was as saving as L could be. l
haven't washed the children for five
days past, SO as to make it last the week
out.
The following conversation took place
the other evening at tea-table In Ban
gor, Me-: Five-year-old to his mother
Mother, can | have cooky 2" " No,
my son." Mother, can L have quar-
ter of cookys" "No, my son."
Can L have crumb of cooky?"
"No!" Well, then, can 1 smell of q
cooky 2"
A GIRL and boy, between the ages of
IL and II, we're noticed in long and
close conversation in the Atlanta depot
At length the boy began to weep, his
loud boo-hoos attracting crowd.
What's the NATTER" asked a sympa-
thizer. He wants me to marry him,
and L won't" replied the girl. The
spectators withdrew.
A New LONDON connoisseur of liquor,
understanding that rum improved by
being sent to sea, intrusted a cask to an
old Captain who did not return for three
years, when the New Londoner found
that all the rum had been absorbed.
Affectionately Selling the sailors hand,
he naively gave thanks, asking, Can L
ever forget your goodness in bringing
back my caskG Never, never !"
A PASTOR was conversing with that
very gentle and most indispensable
critic, the pastors wife, on Sabbath
evening, about the morning sermon.
"Was it good?" Yes" she replied,
every" "Was it not complete chain
of thought with no link omitted ?" Eyes,
it was certainly that, but it seemed to
me, husband, that at the hearers end
you forgot to put on the hook -
FooTE, the comic actor of Garrick's
time, was a great jester, and writer in
Temple Bar relates this instance of his
wit: "Where on earth can it be gomez"
said Foote, when Garrick dropped
guinea at the Bedford one night, and
was searching for it in vain. "To the
devil, think" answered the actor, ir-
ritably. Let you alone, David, for
making guinea go further than any one
else" was the reply.
DREAM OF SPELLING BEE.
Menageries, whei seuth hounds caracoe,
Where jaguar phalanx and phlegmatic gnu
Fright ptarmigan and kestres cheek by owl
With peewit and precocious cockatoo.
Gaunt seneschals, in crotchety cockades,
With seine net trawl for porpoise in lagoons;
While scullions gauge erratic escapades
OF madrepores in water-ogged galleons.
Flamboyant trptychs groined with gherkins green .
In reckless fracas with coquettsh Dream,
Ecstatic gargoyles, with grotesque chsgrin,
Garnish the gruesome nightmare OF my dream /?
Punch.
He came back to his mother looking
very forlornly, with a big red swelling
under his left eye and four or five hands
full of torn shirt boiling over his breeches-
band. "Why, where on earth have you
been Z" she asked. Me and Johnny's
been playin'. He played he was pirate,
and played was Duke. Then he
put on airs and got mad, and"
Yes, yes" interrupted his mother, her
eyes tia shing, land you didn't finch 2"
Nom, but the pirate licked"
He was a mitldle-aged, respectable
looking citizen, and his face wore an
anxious look as he halted ut corner
peanut stand, and said he would take
five cents worth. "That's lead nickel
no good" replied the boy, as he sur
veyed the coin. You won't take it Z"
"Noap." "Then blast the currency !"
yelled the citizen, as he threw the coin
over store. i've tramped around
whole hour to get rid of that nickel, and
I'm going to quit right here and go to
dinner !'-DetrOit Free Press.