The Worthington advance., 1876-09-14
!. FEN1ININITIEs.


What is the difference between the
dress of our grandmothers and our Sis
ters! The former wore pinafores and
the latter pin.a-backs. =
When a mans wife locks him up in
the third-story front, it's some com.
fort for him to see the man across the
way picking broom.seeds out Of his
hair. )"
The young lady who ''wore a brass
band encircling her raven locks of
hair" is supposed to have suggested
the song of ''There's Music in the
Miss Stag was married at Hornells-
vile, N. Y, recently. The BRIDE
groom had engraved on the wedding
ring:
Name ever deer to me.
81 should be afraid to carry my nose
as high as you do, ma'am," said ser.
want maid to her mistress. ''Atraid
of what?" she asked, sharply. "Of
spiders, ma'am.''
"What would you like a. said Jones,
the other night, to Miss Smith, as he
led her into the refreshment-room.
''Pop," was the blushing answer.
Jones didn't see it.
A clergyman said the other day that
modern young ladies were not daugh.
ters of Shem and Ham, but daughters
of Hem and Sham-c0mpounds of plain
sewing and make-believe.
Maid (before the party)-s'Shall you
wear your white muslin tonight,
ma'am - Mistress-''Yes Jane.''
Maid-'Then I'll wear my blue silk,
as don't want us to clash.''
A western girl visited music store
and asked for 1.-The Heart Boiled down
with Grease and Care" and ''When
Swallowed Home.Nlade Pies The
clerk at once recognized what she de.
! sired. :
"Woman,' said the fat man on the
cracker barrel, refectively, sswoman
! is like boil. When another lnan has
her we laugh at him; when we have
her ourseif we cherish and protect
her."
Little Girl-"Oh, please, sir, I've
brought your shirt 'ome, but mother
says she can't wash it no more, eos
she was obliged to paste it up agen the
wall and chuck soap.suds at it, it's so
tender.
Geraldine-You shan't be my aunt
you shall be my sister! Aunt Anne
No. l am your papa's sister, and so I
must be your aunt. Geraldine latter a
pause e)-Then, was papa my uncle be-
fore he was married !-Punch.
''Speaking Of bathing,'' said Mrs.
Partington, some can bathe with per-
feet impurity in water as cold as Green
lands icy Mountains, and midas Cor
al Strands but for my part, 1 would
prefer to have the water little tor
pid.''
The owner of a pair Of bright eyes
says that the prettiest compliment she
ever received came from a child of
four years. The little fellow after
looking intently at her eyes moment,
inquired naively: care your eyes new
| ones %
Six months is the regulation period
prescribed before widow can sit at
the front ,parlor window and peep
through tho Stats at the gentlemen
going to and returning from their bus:
iness, but she generally does it the
day after the funeral.
A Saratoga letter.writer asks, in de.
sparing tones, '.Where are the men p
We don't know dear, just where all of
the men are, but from our sanctum
window we just now saw six of them
them file around behind the serene of
a sample room overt he way.
Nine. X. thinks of going to the cir
Gus, and her servant tries to dissuade
her. "If I were you, madame, I
would not CO." "Why?' go, they
have a horse that stops before the
most foolish person in the audience,
and suppose he should stop before
you p
| A 5.year.old tot, who had always
closed her prayers with ''and God help
Katy to be good girl," opened her
eyes at that point, the other night, and
said very decidedly: II ain going to
say the rest, for I don't want to be a
dood girl, want to eat green apples
and swallow 'em.''
1t will hardly be necessary to tell the
name OF tho party who went into dry
goods store the other day and was oh.
served to be looking about, when the
proprietor remarked to him that they
didn't keep whisky. cit would save
you a good many steps if you did,
was the quick reply.
Biddy-"Did yez iver see a ine1
wake, nicer funeral, or a purtie,
corpse than Paddy's?" .Kate-.Nive1
a wanst." Biddy y-"And do yez know
Paddy was that natural loike, had ht
come to life and got out of his coffin tt
see himself in it, be-dad he himself
wouldn't have known he was dead.''
A young gentleman, after having fol
some time paid his addresses tt
Ia lady, popped the question
The lady, in a frightful manner, said
''YOu scare me, SIR The gentleman
did not wish to frighten the lady, anc
consequently remained silent for some
time, when she exclaimed, s'Scare me
again."
The libellant's counsel in a divorce
case in England recently, while cross
examining the correspondent concern.
ing a certain affecting leave.takine
with the respondent at a railway
station, asked: "Did you not place
your hand in his, saying, Meet me in
heaven, George 2" "Would vol
have me to ask him to meet me il
hell :" flashed back the lady. Wher
the roar in the courtroom had sub
sided, the lawyer repeated: ''Did
you or did you not ask him to meet
you in heaven?' eyes, L did, wa<
the next retort, ''but l hope you don't
call that an improper assignation -