The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1876-04-20
SHORTS.

1ll-9otten grainS-Doctor' fees.
High coors-'Yhe clouds aid sky.
Gamblers have a winning manner.
Pocelnen's favoritc vegetable-Short beats.
A man always fee! put out when he is taken
IN.
The warmest kind of Ilat-One that's got
stove in.
Never fry TO make soup while there's leek
in your kettle.
A digniiied answer toa beggar girl is $50,
waf. from me-
The new church at Worcester, Massachusetts,,
is to be called Not-erdam.
Texas is Improving her stock by heavy i'm
porations Of kentncly short horns.
When Il lady il prond OF her small feet,
hasn't she limited understanding?
Tennie Cla1ln claims to be prophecies
''Propliet, said [, thing OF evil, etc.
Olive Logan thinks that women don't say
enough in their oYn defense. Mercy on us
Queen Victoria his hail l,s. title Of Empress
of India conferred upon her by parliament.
The indianapolis water works are likely to
kill another Presidential Observation-Disclosures.
Mrs Harriet Barcer Stowe made $1,000
from her Florida orange grove last Summer.
When il = lion in :. IT. yelling mrnagerie like
a long-iost hlisJantl-Wl en- hes in-a-car den.
The latest in tlle form, of a parting salutation
is We'll, III I don't see you again, hello.''
Mobile hrags thar snon, very soon. it will be
the centre OF a great coal and iron interest.
The extreme height ot ft;sery is q small
. boy with Il new pair OF boots and no mud pud-
die.
Kenyon Collage has graduated two Pres
i;teiltal candidates, Judge Davis and Governor
sIayes.
General George Lewis Geek declines the
Democratic nonla.tiai for Governor Of Rhode
Islands.
Bloomington, Illinois. the fifth CRY in size in
five State, iiaSx lady as superintendent of city
schools
The judiciary committee OF the House have;
reporte, articles ot impeachment against VIM.
W. Belknap.
The late snow fail in the West between Cali
- iornia and Omaha. WAS greater than has teen
known for many wears last. H &
..Mv SON" said venerable philosopher,
''lever waste your time-not a moment of it
always waste somebody elSeS.
Treasurer New says he is ALREADY 4.5O0 ont
OF pocket. and can make money faster than
that banking at indianapolis.
LII .sDo You take sugar." asked the hostess of
the Rochester Democratic editor. s'Yes'm
one lump, and justa aite OF Differs"
little girl at a sclsoo examination in read
ing her piece changed keats'-versc into "a
tllins OF beatty lisa boy forever. ~ 90 -
s-Cemetery is tl,e ilaHin of u new station on
the Stony Creek Railroad. al ''dead-heads"
are expected to get Off at this station.
In Philadelphia the. think Mrs. Fred. Grant
the daintiest. sweetest and most beautiful wo-
man in the world. Y Centennial compliment.
That was Joke. The Cid Dominion invi-
ting her daughters OF the West TO meet her at
The Centennial, and then declining to be one
OF the party.
The age of machincrv-A Connecticut
man was wearing calico dress the other day.
only seven hours after the process Of printing
the cloth began.
~ There is an international chess tournament
being played in New York -'2lly not play
draw poker and take advantage of the prom-
lent lawyers lately arrived?
They call it IAN act to promote pedestrian
ism among students when the California Leg
i<attlre DEGREES that no liquor shall be sold
90
They We got q thing in Michigan called 'itFe
Swiifton seaiitl;,i.' but as the most dilgcnt
inquiry has failed to discover any woman at
tile bottom OF it, religious people won't have
any tlsing to do with it.-I ookiyn Argus.
Thssis the age of science, and if a woman
sees man winling on the streets, it only
takes her about ten seconds to tell whether
he's got Il ciHder in his eye or wants TO get
acquainted with the pretty girl across the
way.
What ON earth are you looking for?'' asked
passel. by Of IL salan who was inllSy nspec-
tingthe brotea ratings Of his front piaz "a.
''Looken for?'7 was the reply, why I'm like
the poet-iooking for lost le;.ii-o'cr.'
"A scientist sag: '.E9entuall,-. rs our globe
contracts. there will only be thirteen days in
the YEAR, 1t will be Jolly to have Christmas,
Mardi Gras and tIie Fourtn If July.in the same
week and be able TO remind creditors who
como llosing arountltil;.t ies;il holidays must
be respected.
How liessangits 49, Lw iii.
Sprig- slrig, BEAUTIFUL sprig.
iEapliest seasod oh tile year.
.-A Haste thee. liisgd. al wild the brig
April wild Its saiiles and tear -
Caclloo-o, CacA e-e each ese-r! -
80 . A-zzs :. - - e .l4f III
The remoyal Of 1llc records Of the headouar-
ee-s st the army fs,on st. -Ilsais to Washington
VA. begun OF ,ata5 Ny. and the clerical force
@3i. leave in the eoal I of the @eek for their
nesy .arters. "A
The House Comnaittee Oh Elections have