The Osceola times., 1876-08-05
FACTS AND FANCIES.

| IA, said little fellow to his un
sbaven father, "your chin looks like the
wheel in the music box"
The world hates pompous-acting
man as a turkey gobbler loatheth the
sight OF red rag.
"MOTHER-IN-LAw" is the nickname
of the new London drink, "stout and
bitter"
A RUTLAND, Vermont, girl went into
druggists and, pointing at the trusses,
said, "How do you sell shawl-straps?"
"IsHALL follow her soon," said a sad
eyed man at the grave Of his wife.
Within month he was following another
woman.
A BREED of dogs In Australia are Of
the kind that do not bark. Half the
pleasure of keeping dog is gone when
the bark is removed.
No man can talk half an hour with a
veterinary surgeon without being con-
vinced that all the cloquence didn't die
| when Daniel Webster did.
IT is given on the authority Of New
Orleans paper that there Ia in that city
hog with its ears so far back that he can
| not hear himself squeal.
AN insectol0ger has discovered that
the best time to examine the wonderful
architecture of the hornets nest is after
the hornets have moved out.
SoLILooUY by tippler: The public
always notices you when you have
been drinking, and never when you are
thirsty.
PRIDE in an extravagant opinion ofour
own worthiness vanity is an inOrdi-
nate desire that Others should share that
opinion.
"WHAT is the interior Of Africa princi-
pally used for p asked a teacher OF pu-
pill. "For purposes Of exploration" was
the reply.
LAUGHING may make man grow fat,
but you've got to mix il nightly with
bread and meat and quiet conscience,
If you get it to stick.
CUMBERLAND FALLS, the Niagara of
Kentucky, have perpendicular descent
of sixty-seven feet and the roar of the
water can be heard distance Of twelve
miles.
IT is not in the words that others say
10 us, but in those other words which
these make us say to ourselves, that we
find our gravest lessons and our sharpest
rebukes.
A VIRTUE forced upon men, or inbern
and immovable, would bring little no
bleness or happiness compared with a
virtue resulting from intellectual and
spiritual effort and power:
THE largest negative ever produced
by means OF photography was recently
exhibited in San Francisco. twas about
three feet long and two feet wide, and
the perfected apparatus cost the inventor
over $4,000.
al NEVER could enjoy poetry when
Pm cookin'," said an old lady, "but
when ! step out TO feed the hogs and
fist myself onto the fence, and th-ow
my soul into few lines of 'Capn
Jinks, il does seem rs il this airth was
made to live on after all"
"DocToR," said gentleman to
physician, "my daughter had fit this
morning, and afterward remained for
half an hour without showing knowledge
or understanding" "Oh," replied the
doctor, "never mind that; many people
continue 20 all their lives"
"CLARENcE, you We got real kind
heart" gratefully observed young lady
on the cars to sallow-faced youth as he
dropped prize package of popcorn in
her lap. "Yes, Mary, my hearts all
right" he sadly replied, "what l want
il a new liver"
The worse use an American heiress
can put her money to Is to buy foreign
titled husband. Dukes are quoted at
q, 900, 900; low middling marquis
fetches $5O0,00O, while count, who
can't tether a monkey or look up ut
third-story windows, is not worth more
than s250,000.
He was an applicant for the position
of writing teacher in one Of our public
schools. They gave him copy-book,
and asked him for specimen OF what
he could do. He took up the pen, and,
in a handwriting that looked like
flash of lightning that had mistaken the
direct road, wrote as follows: "SOrrer
dent kill felix's as fast as green goose
burys."
A SHIP on the broad; bsisterous and
open ocean needeth no pilot. But it dare
not venture alone on the placid bosom of
little river, lest it be wrecked by some
hidden rock. Thus it is with life. IT'S
not in our open, exposed deeds that we
need the still voice of the silent monitor,
but in the small, secret, every day acts
Of life that conscience warns us to beware
of hidden shoals Of what we deem too
common to be dangerous.