davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

Somebody says that If one will watch a
woman read a newspaper he Will get some
new ideas on the characteristics OF the gen
tier sex. She takes 1t up hurriedly and be
gins to scan 1t over rapidly, as though she
was hunting soHlr particular thing; but she
is not. She is ln,rrly taking in the obscure
paragraphs viii h she halt believes were put
outofthe.way 70 ces for the sole purpose OF
keeping her fl, 81 seeing them. AS she I'M
ishes each one ltr countenance priSnlehs
with the comforting reflection that she mas
outwitted the ,IitOr and the whole race OF
men, for she c."rIshes vague belief that
newspapers are nc enemies OF hcr sex, anu
editors its chief npprrssors. She never reads
The headline. an me hugh telegraph heads
She never even sees. She is greedy for local
news, and devours it with the keenest relish
Marriages and deaths are always interesting
reading to her, and advertisements are exclt
iag and stimulating. She cares but little Tor
printed Jokes, unless they reflect rldlculc
upon the men, and then she delights in them
and never forgets them. She pays particular
attention TO everything enclosed by quota
lion marks, and cOnsideres it rather better
authority than anything first.handcd. Inc
columns in which the editor airs his Opin
ions IN loaded hifalutln she rarely reads
Views are OF no importance in her eStima
ton but facts are everything. She generally
reads the poetry. She doesn't always care
tor it. but she makes practice of reading it
because she thinks she ought to. She read
stories, and sketches land paragraphs indis
criminately, and believes every word of them
Finally, after she has read all she intends to
she lays the paper down with an air of dis
appointment, and a misconceptions ges
tnre, which says very plainly that she think
all newspapers miserable failures, but is Ger
tain that If she had a chance she could max
the only perfect newspaper the world ha'
ever seen.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20
An Accounting Situation.

Dear reader, here is an occurrence COM
mon all over this broad land, but which the
public knows naught of. 1t is lighted room
Comfortably seated at the table Is man with
a carcworn face, ON which are strangely blend
ed the emotions Of relief and apprehension
He settles far back n his chair He opens d
newspaper, and after cursory glance over
it as whole, he turns out the local page, and
commencing at the firsi,cOlumn reads careful
" down. There is a dead silence in the room
Naught but an occasional slight movement Of
the PAPER Is heard. The man still reads. he
is all absorbed IN the performance. Sudden
ly the face, which has become inexpensive
winces. Pretty soon there is another vince
of color. Neryously he begins the next col
umn and goes down 1t more hastily than thu
preceding He reaches the bottom with {
sigh of relief, and attacks the third with les!
expression. Suddenly he clutches the pape
with tighter grasp, as II to save himsel
from falling, and utters an agoZing eXclama
ton. 1t is some five minutes before he cal
resume the reading Now he is IN the las
column, and is perusng the marriages. III
reaches the last one. 1t gives the right name
of the groom and bride. There is closing
sentence made into separate paragraph. L
is simply this: THE remains VIII he brough
to this town for interment.' Then the mar
IN the chair draws the paper to the floor
catches both hands into the hair as if to If
himself from the face of ths earth, and utter
groan that seems to come from the very
depths of a crushed heart. There Is not {
soul to witness this misery. Not tongue t
speak one word of sympathy. All alon'
with himself, the wretched man, with Whit
face and flaming eyes, fights his great grief
| l.
is doubtful if he thinks at ali TO every ap
pearance he is in stupor of misery-a stupo
so great as to deprive him of reason, of eve
nv slotion except the spasmodic twisting o
| his hair. Heaven help the miserable wretcl
for of all the despair and desolation ant
agony on this globe of ours there is nothin!
10 equal this. The man is Il country edito
and the paper is copy of the edition jus
+ ism, Il - 1H51iry NelrS
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20
"DaymOn and PathOs.

Yesterday morning two hardup looking
fellows, one about fifty years old and the
other taenty years younger, entered bakery
on Michigan avenue and called tor lunch.
One was provided and when they had eaten
Il SQUARE meal the old man said to the baker:
IN step in and pay you when we come
BACK
Il guess not-I guess you'll pay me now!'
replied the baker.
They hadn't any cash, and they hadn'
any spare clothes. The baker fshed up a
club from behind the counter and vowed that
he would have money or revenge
ats similar ease to that OF DaymOn and
Pathcs," explained the old man. My friend
here shall 60 after cash to settle. this claim,
and if he does not return by noon you can
take revenge on me-
Il don't care for DaymOn, nor Pathos, nor
any other man, | want cash" shouted the
baker
Damon will bring the cash by noon, OF
I'm your meat" softly answered the vagrant
"Daymon" went out after cash, and "Pathus'
sat down and spit tobacco juice all over the
floor. The baker ordered him to quit
Didn't you ever read the beautiful story OF
Daymon and Pathos:' asked the aged bill
ker. Don't you remember that Pathos sal
down and Chawed tobacco while Damon was
absent:
An hour slipped away and the old cEsr
fell asleep and lurched off his chair, almos
upsetting the stove The baker rushed at hum
}, bu, 'Pathos' held up his hands and protested
Don't you remember that ftiAos lei
), asleep while waiting for Daymon's return
l | don't know as he fell of his chair, but TIA
wasn't progressive age
Noon found him still there, with no wore
: from "Daymon." The old man was nrm II
his belief that his friend would return, ant
reaching up on shelf behind him he tool
down custard PIE and calmly began eating
into IT. The enragcd baker grasped him b.
the throat, and in the tussle which FOLLOWED
"Pathos" came up to the mark 50 lively tina
the bakers heels swept through show case
aud then the old man slid out doors, an'
when the baker yelled out Cor the police tn
vagrant explained 10 the crowd:
i Didn't Pathos have what he wanted To ca
2 while waiting for Daymon's return: Can
play the part of Psthos on an empty stom
ack :'-DotroH Free Press
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

TIVE sons OF Erin, shoveing sand on no
day, stopped to rest, and exchanged views OF
the labor question. pat, this is mighty hare
work we're at" at is, indade, Jimmy; bu
what kind of work is it you'd like if ye coulc
get it," WELL SAID the other, leaning re
fiecuvely on his shovel and wiping the per
spiration with the back of his hand, "tor
nice, aisy, clane business, | think L would
like 10 be bishop"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

81 am doing pretty well with my paper"
writes an Iowa editor, but there was man
who kept telling me how | ought to run it.
until / made proposition that he take 1t oil
my hands. He did; and now, at the end OF
three months, take it back at his earnest ap
peal, as he has all he can do to watch his
libel suits. 2. Stocking over the books,
find that he has lost every paying subscriber
and that he has collected ahead on the few
advertisements that are left"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

An Indianapolis father was awakened by
what he thought was a burglar, the otner
night. He emptied all the chambers OF ms
sXshooter at the intruder and when the
noise of the firing ceased, he heard well
known voice quietly ask, "Wazzer mazzer'
fazzer, wazzer doln'.'
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

A rather impertlnent young man remarked
to a gentleman in the p. o. the other day
What are our ears ior?' The question dldn''
seem to have anything to do with the CONVEX
sation, but precocous young colleglan sun
gested that they seemed to be made 10 KEEP
the flies of with.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

"NIy boy, tell US what you know about
ratang" said the Committeeman. at is
sometimes called the 'Calamus Rattang,
comes from Penang, Samarang. and Padang
and is used by the master in this school toe
dang Often.N
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

Mr. Buckle states that human nature mas
changed very little IN the last three thousand
wears, but we do not remember any record OF
a Roman Senator trying to account to his
wife for a light deposit of pearl powcer on
the left shoulder of his toga on the ground tha
he has been playing checkers in grlSt mill
- Norjr;cb BU1letjn
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

When wet boots are taken off I'LL them
quite full with dry oats. This grain has q
great fondness for camp, and will rapidly a5.
sorb the least vestige Of it from the wet leath
er. As 1t takes up The moisture il swells and
Ais the boots with tightly fitting last, keep
ing its form good, and drying the leather
without hardening II
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20
uo,x nm Irreyerent saloon Keeper Was Ta
en- In.

The other dav, when the wind whistled sad
toned iics around the Battery, little old man
entered a saloon ia that vicinity, and asked
the bar.keeper if he could leave some tracts
there.
a whole carload, if you want to- wa:
the prompt reply, aud the little old mar
placed package on beer table and softly
said:
There's no nobler cause than the cause o.
the heather. We should all contribute Z
small share of our worldly wealth to sheC
the gospel light across the seas"
A pair of boxinggloyes we're softly repos
ing on a table, and the little old ian felt o
them and went on:
ut makes me sad to sec such sinful thing;
living around, when the cost of one glow
might save a dozen souls in Africa
Three or four of the boys had dropped in
and the ssloon-keeper winked at them ant
replied:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

Don't you think" said husband IN a
mild form of rebuke to his wife, that women
are possessed by the devll?' "les, was the
answer, "as soon rs they are ularF!eu'
Ch!calO Iridune.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20
BUDGET OF FUN.

Topic: Geological discussion. Principal
WAS it colder or warmer hundred years
ago than at present. Pupi! (honestly)-"l
really don't recollect, sir"
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

A Fitchburg woman applied to the town
overseers for help. They sent her oas OF
meal, but she scowed at them saying Wha'
is one bag of meal to fat TWO large hogs
with ?n
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1876-05-20

Landlord, didn't you ever nave genoe
man stop with you before?n Are you zen
TENANT Eyes, am" Thea never hau
one stop with me before"
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
Are We Alarmists2

worthy patron of the PRESS requests the
puplication OF the following from an exchange,
ana says that when we desire to call the
attention OF our fellow citizens to the spirit
and purposes of the Romish church in America,
let the following extract from the ''Shepherd
OF the Valley" published at st. Louis, Missouri,
under the immediate supervision of Arch
bishop Kendrick, answer.
We confess that the Roman Catholic
Onurch IS intolerant, that is to say, that it
uses an the means in its power for the extirpa-
tlon OF error and sin; but this intolerance is the
logical and necessary consequence of its infalli-
Dility. She alone has the right to be intolerant
because she alone has the truth. The church
toierates heretics where she is obliged to do so,
put she hates them mortally and employs ali
her force to secure their annihiiation. When
the Catholics shall here be in possession of a
considerable majority-which will certainly be
the case by and by, although the time may be
long deferred-then religious liberty will have
come TO an end In the republic of the United
States. Our enemies say this and we believe
with them. Our enemies know that we do not
pretend to be better than our church, and
in what concerns this her history is open
to the eyes of all. They know, then, how
the Roman church dealt with heretics in
the middle ages, and how she deals with
them to-day everywhere where she has the
power: We no more think of denying these
historical facts than we do of blaming the
saints of God and the princes of the church for
what they have done or approved in these
matters. Heresy is mortal sin; il kills the soul
ana prsclpltates the whole soul and body into
nell. IL Is moreover a most contagious disease,
and propagates itself indefinitely wherever it
has got foothold, and thus pnts in jeopardy the
temporal and eternal welfare of innumerable
generations to come. This is the reason why
princes, truly Christian, extrpate heresy root
and branch in their Kingdoms, and that Chris
tian States drive it out of their territories as far
as they are able to do it. If we now abstain from
Prosecuting heretics here, we boldly repeat it,
1t is only because we are too weak, and because
we believe that in this condition of things, we
should, in attempting it, do the Church we
serve more harm than good"
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
TERRIFIC EXPLOSION.
A Coal Mine Blown up with Fire
Damp.
Several Miners Killed and Many
Badly Burned.

PITTsToN, Pa. Feb. 12.-This afternoon a
terrible explosion occurred in the Exeter mine,
owned by the Lehigh Valley Coal Company,
and located in West Pittston. The mines have
been idle this week and although the fan
which supplies fresh air to the chambers be-
low had been kept running all the week, the
quantity of air forced into the mine was not
sufficient to prevent the accumulation of fire
damp. The immediate cause of the explosion
is not known, but sufficient knowledge has
been gained to lead to the belief that one of
the men below entered a chamber with a
lighted lamp and that its sparks ignited the
gas which accumulated there. Since Monday
Is MN have been engaged on repairing tracks
and gangways at the headings Among the
number were several miners, and this morn
ing they all went to the works as usual
About half past 2 this afternoon while the men
were employed at their work below the ex-
plosion occurred. The force of the explosion
was so great as to tear away the brattice props,
doors, tracks and great masses of rocks and
coal. The roof of the fan house at the top of
the air shaft was torn to pieces and other dam
age, amounting to thousands of dollars, were
wrought. There were 70 men below, and the
many miners who stood near the breaker has
tened with all speed to relieve their distress
The main shaft was very badly damaged, but
an entrance was effected. After three hours
work II men were brought to the surface, four
of whom were dead, and the others more or
less burned and mangled. 1t is thought that
some of the latter will die.
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
r O r e 6 NJ.
GLE RMANY.
GERMANY.
bismarck Thanks the United siates-Von


Bismarck Thanks the United siates-you
Arninl, etc.
New YORK, Feb. 13-The New York Her.
AIDS Berlin special says Prince Bism arck has
thanked the United States Cabinet and Ameri
can Minister at Pekin for supporting the Ger
man claims for punIshing the Chinese pirates
who plundered and destroyed the German
steamer Hannah.
Physicians declare Count Won Arnm's son
hopeessly i'll. His father is expected soon in
the capital. The Emperor William has order
ed the Minister of Justice to report on Count
Won Arnim's pardon His sentence of impris-
onment will be transmitted into money fine.
Bismarck is said to have advocated the latter
course after Won Arnizn's guilt had been legally
established. The endeavors of Herr Knapp
and other legislative deputies urging the gov
eminent to denunciation of the treaty of nat
urallzation with America seem fruitless. The
government is DESTROYS for continuation of
the friendship now existing with America, up-
holding the efficacy of the treaty Bismarck
in his illusions during his speech Wednesday
in the Reichstag, about the secret instgators Of
the war alarm last spring said, referring to the
Empress Augusta, Princess RadizviiIe and
Count Nesselrode, the Empress chamberlain,
that an influential court clique continues in
triguing" against him and hopes to effect his
(Bismarck's removal.
Foreign Notes.
Won Arnim has petitioned the German EN-.
peror for permission to go to Berlin without be-
ing liable to arrest in order to be with his son
during his illness.
Turkey has refusedDr. Schleiman permission
to make further excavation at Troy.
1t is reported that the Saltan has agreed to
amnesty the insurgents submitting Immediate
ly. Austria will thereupon withdraw the SUBJ
venton granted to Turkish refugees and order
them to leave Austria and return home.
The American residents at Naples are to eel.
citrate Washington's birthday.
Capt Walker, formerly surveyor general of
the British navy, is dead.
In the DR.. Forms perjury case, at Montreal.
the judge decided that the prisoner be handed
over to the United States authorities
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
WHISKEY FRAUDS.
The New Orleans Ring-J. III. sypher and
j. II. Casey Indicted.

The New Orleans Ring-J. HI. Sypher and
j. r. Casey Indicted.
New YORK, Feb. ia Sunday Washing
ton special says private despatch received
from NewlO reans alleges there is good reas
ons for believing the grand jury have found
indictments against j. Hale Sypher and and
John f. Casey for connection with the whiskey
rings.
A Gigantic Ring in Illinois-Papers Inn
plica:ing misunderstanding Develop.
ments Looked For.
A Sunday special from Springfield, ILL.,, as
serts that among documents found among the
seized papers of the old Pekin, ILL.,, Alcohol
Manufacturing Co., of which one Westman
was President, are list of distillers and others
forming gigantic whskey ring, distinct from
the one heretofore pursued, aud operating in a
different manner Among the papers are said
to be some bearing upon the Babcock trial.
The Suns despatch says the ring is not COM
posed Of distilers and rectifiers alone, al
though the distillers seem to have formed a
nucleus for the organization. About Pekin and
Peoria and Lebanon is district where great
quantities:of whskey are manufactured and
here was the rings stronghold, though it oper-
ated in various cities. The list showed the ex-
it purchased previous to Msrch,3d, 1875, and
much of it ilcitly distilled before and after
that date. Furthermore the papers showed
that large sums of meney had been raised for
purpose, anu IudG purpose was 10 raise the
tax on liquor, and memoranda showed that
just previous to March Sd, 1875, large sums had
been raised to influence congressional legis-
lation The method of the ring was thus not
only to manufacture illicitly but to make a
commission on whiskey by operations preced-
ing such legislation. On March Sd the tax
was raised from 20 to 80 cents per gallon as the
ring had arranged. Among the memoranda of
payments made was one telling of $4,000 ap-
propriated to ''Bab" at Washington. and an-
other mentioning payment to ''B." at Wash
ington. Hence the dispatches to Dyer and
Wilson. The ramications of this ring extend
outside of the district in which discoveries are
made, and, it is asserted, include parties of
high official standing Some idea of the gigan-
tic nature of the enterprise appears from the
fact that one single individual is said to have
had 100 barrels of whiskey in store. The
whiskey appears to have been stored all over
the country wherever the commissions were
made or where illicit distillaton could be car
ried on. The testimony secured against Bah
cock cannot probably be made available on his
present trial. but there is reason to believe that
a new indictment will be found against him by
thelgrand jury now in session in this city. AL
ready. it is said, no less than 80 indictments
have been found here. Further startling de-
tails are about to be made.
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
MINOR TELEGRAMs

The Kansas legislature has voted to request
Congress to repeal the specie resumption act
The Primitive Methodist church of Brooklyn
has deposed the Rev. Frederick Bell, but his
friends have bought residence for him and
the Academy of Music will be leased till a
church can be bought for him.
Inc Bible controversy at Union Hill, N. j.,
mas terminated, the board by vote or s to
continuing the Bible in the schools.
The Union Pacific trains were living at Car
ter station, Saturday, blocked with snow.
a lew days ago Alice Young, granddaughter
OF Brigham Young, and daughter of Brigham
Young, DR., married Charles R. Hopkins, a
Gentle, contrary to the wishes of her parents
Saturday she visited her mother, and durng
the evening her husband called for her, but
sne could not be foune. A writ of habeas cor.
Rus was issued and her parents appeared il the
Inird DISTRICT Court to answer, their attorney
claiming That there Yves no forcible detention.
The husband withdrew further proceedings
and the lady went home with her parents.
The mail pouch from New Orleans to New
York of the 9TH inst. was found SATURDAY. even
ing IN Choctaw swamps and about fifteen hun
dred letters, containing drafts and foreign ex-
change, to large amount were recovered, all
in a damaged condition. The letters and
drafts Will be returned by the morning mail to
New Orleans for Identification.
There were 5S1 ,776 hogs slaughtered in Gin
cinnati since Nov. l, against 5OO,65S during the
same period last year.
During January the demand for postage
stamps, postal cards and stamped envelopes
reached the unprecedented amount of SO, $780,
OO0. The department has sold 81, 000 900 postal
cards since the Both of June, 1875. The sales
during the entire fiscal year which ended at
that date were only S101 100000 These fig
ures are considered indicative of the rapid re.
vlval OF business prosperity throughout the
Major Alexander Rice, a venerable citizen
OF Portsmouth. n. H., died yesterday. He
was Eastern Railroad ticket agent fol. thirty
years.
"A large temperance meeting was held in
Manchester, N. H., yesterday. Among the
speakers was j. T. Osgood.
Henry Clews is unanimously readmitted to
membership of the New York stock and gold
exchanges.
1t is said that the Sioux have organizer a
winter campaign against the miners who have
recently gone to the Black Hills In conse-
quence, Gen. Gustav has been ordered to Join
his cavalry command.
The funeral of the late Reverdy johnson
took place yesterday from his late residence in
baltimore and was attended by the Superior
Court. judges, many Senators and a large num-
Der OF the Maryland Assembly. Flags were
displayed at half mast throughout the CITY.
The funeral of Thomas Barry took place in
Boston yesterday.
The Portland daily press., 1876-02-14
MATTERS In MAINE.
Special to the Press.l
Reform UIeetiuu


AUGUSTA Feb. 13-The meetings of the re-
formers from Auburn, here, have been we'll at
tended and enthusiastic Granite Hail was
crowded. Several hundred were unable to
gain admittauco One hundred or more signed
the iron-clad pledge ami some four hundred
the general pledge. S.
ITO the Associated Pressl
State Member of the BoHrd of Asricul-
ture.
ID. N. Dunham of Bangor, has been nomi-
mated state member of the Board of Agricul.
ture.
Referees Award.
LEWISTON Feb. Fin the sase of FLrbish
and SWEET and Kurdish VS.. French Catholic
society, Biddeford, Judge Appleton, referee,
awards the contractors $19,9S37O, debt and
costs.
Fire i'm Wiscasset.
WIscAssEr Feb. 12.-The dry goods store of
Mrs A. Wood was burned last night The
store and stock were totally destroyed. Loss
about $500; partially insured in the Home
Company of New York.
Bridge Carried Away.
A section of the Wiscasset toll bridge was
carried away by the ice last night.
A Bangor Physician ia Trouble.
BANGOR, Feb. 12.-Dr. j. M. Blaisdell Of
this city, has been indicted for abortion in two
cases by the grand jury.
Sudden Death.
SMowHEGAN, Feb 12-Miss Elvira Marston
of this place, niece of ex-Gov Coburn, died
very suddenly this afternoon of heart dis
ease.
Postal.
WASHINGTON, d. c., Feb 13-Postal changes
POSTMASTER appointed-John N. Hoyt, Dix
mont Centre, Penobscot county, Maine.