Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-04-12
PleasantriaS.


Sis a country editor: "Who drinks
aP the whisky made in the United
States !? is what staggers u.s." It's
enough to stagger anybody.
Isthere to be no relief from this Ser
geant Bates? His latest plan is to carry
me American flag across the Centenni-
al grounds on the opening day.
AN exchange remarks that it is won
oer1ul 70 see how exact line O. man
can draw with his shovel, on snowy
morning, between his own premises and
his next-door neighbours.
THOSE who are suffering from a. cold
IN the head may receive little consola-
ton by being reminded that George
Washington, of Ratchet fame, was sim
ilarly afflicted 124 years ago.
How man can afford to give away
an eighteen dollar chrome with pound =
of dollar tea puzzles people who don's
know the immense profits made on teas
Detroit Free Press.
IT must confuse whisky drinker to
know that when he reaches the weight
of l54 pounds, the average weight of
man, at least 100 pounds of his ayoir-
dupOls consists of water.
The Popular Science Monthly says
that IN less than ten thousand years the
Atlantic Ocean will wash the base of
the Rocky Mountains. If you own
house come down on the rent this very
minute
TASTES are constantly changing. The
girl who had no appetite for onions at
dinner timeca be seen actively engag-
ed before a large dishful after her
young man has taken His departure at
night.
A MAN who can sit with his feet in
hot water and yard Of red flannel
around bis throat, and not feel the
sweet influence of Spring, is dead to the
subtle instincts which link humanity to
nature.-Sracuse Journal.
The Sultan of Turkey encourages
cats, and he is never SO happy as when
dozen felines hold mass convention
on the roof of his harem. There's no
knowing the bright future of the Turk
ish cat.
WE find the following item in an IL
linois paper: "Mr. -, who has been
in retirement for few weeks after
marrying and burying three sisters,
came up smilin to the altar again yes
terday, having begun ON new family"
WHATS usee play poker?" re-
marked an Acknowledged denison of
Tucson, Nevada, the other day. "Me
hold four Killings and lace; Mclean
man hold all same time four laces and
king; whole week washee gone ikee
woodbine.
IHE Southern negroes are mystified
over the recent visits of cyclones and
hurricanes, and an aged Savannah darkey
remarks: eff desc yere winds can't
| be tuned down a little what's de use of
buying mules and cumulating FAM
lily"
| THERE is said to be great warmth in
| paper. One of the two inebriates who
slept out one night during the late cold
snap, and were found by the police,
had both of his hands frozen, while the
other sustained no such injuries. The
latter had On paper collar.
"SAM, did you see Mr.. johnson, the
new overseer?" :" Yes, massa; met
him down by the cotton GIN" "Hes a
good looking fellow, isn't hep" "Well,
massa, he talks like a good-looking
sa;d ), he made a bow-dat's all he
"ToMMY, my son, fetch in stick of
wood" "Ah my dear mother" re-
sponded the youth, "the grammatical
portion Of your education has been sad
ly neglected. You should have said:
Thomas, my son, transport from that
recumbent collection of combustible
material upon the threshold Of this edi
flee one of the curtailed excresences O.
a defunct tree"
THIS is how Elder Pike tries to def.
chronic rheumatism: Swallow tw
quarts of carpet tacks, take a runnin
jump bare-legged into barrel of bl okel
beer bottles, let a swarm of enrage
hornets EOost on your head, and the
roll out into a bed of fsh-hooks, an
you'll get FAINT idea Of the nature an
sensation of a frst-class rheumatism
when it gets hold of you and near
business"
"SUPPosE," said Mr.. Adolphus Slal
side, our village school teacher, address
ing the first geography class; "suppos
now listen, boys and girls-I were
60 out here on the play ground al
pierce hole through the center of Il
earth and drop stone into it; whe
would it come out % "Out of II
other end of the hole, sir" was Il
ready response of little Johnny Sha1
The announcement that our SIEVE
Northern winters are gradually beco
ing milder must be very CRAFTY ing
that class of lovers who are refusedt
use of the parlor, for as the thee
goes, in about $50, 900 years it will
mild enough for them to swing on
front gate with their affianced the We
round.
!" MISTER, how do you sell sugar
day." "Only twenty cents a poul
sir" "Can't give it. III drink /,
coffee without sugar, and kiss myW
for sweetening. Good day,
"Good day, sir. When you get tire
that kind of sweetening, please
again." 81 will" He called the
day.
A GENIUS in South Jersey has pat,
ed a whisky punch machine, by WI
all the ingredients, whisky, lemon.