The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-01-14
Wit and HumOr.
present time is past

The present time is past.
BARRIERS are we'll informed On coming
events.
"DID you notice how splendidly l
went through that last reel at the ball
last night, Tom ~ Eyes, and L also
noticed that you kept it up all the way
home -
SOMEBODY SAYS that ga single swallow
will devour 5000 flies a day." but we
don't believe it. An elephant could
hardly absorb that many at single
swallow.
INEBRIATED gentleman who has fallen
down stairs to another who offered to
help him up Wharzeuse slabberin'
round n fella' allus come down stairs
that way"
LITTLE HARRY, five years old, was
called to see the new baby. After
moments contemplation, he turned to
his expectant papa with: owe didn't
need that"
BOB" said Camden boy to play
mate, "your fathers just been killed"
"Nol" said Bob. "Yes, sir blown up
by steam boiler" answered the other.
"By gum, he's got my knife, too" ex-
claimed Bob, thrusting his hands in his
pockets.
"THEY were talking of death yester-
day, when one man said: What were
his last wordsl' He didn't say any
thing, was the reply. That's just Like
him, said the first man with an approx
ing nod. There was no gas about HIM
He Was all business. '"-Danbury Nea0s.
The champion considerate man is he,
who, on being cast ashore at the Isle OF
Shoals at night, found the Gght-keepers
hut, and slept, half-frozen, just within
the storm porch till morning, because, as
he said, he supposed the keepers were
asleep inside the house, and wouldn't like
to be walked up"
No MAN with an average amount Of
SELL possession need be without an UNI
brella on rainy day. All he has to do
is to step up to the irst stranger he sees
carrying good one, and say: BEG
pardon, sir, 1 believe you have my UNI
bfella !" The chances are ten to one
that the fellow will stammer out an apol-
ogy and hand it DER.
A PoIICEMANewas yesterday escorting
citizen with his head bound up to the
Central Station, when kind-hearted
man asked prisoner, what did you
do p" "Made New Years call" was
the answer. "But ow-what-why-I
don't understand" said the citizen. 81
Co." replied the prisoner-"I called a
man liar. "-DetrOH Free Press.
A WOMAN called on the Chief of Police
Friday and asked if it were true, as she
had heard, that the police meant to pro-
hibit masked balls in the future. 81
can tell you nothing definite" answered
the Chief. "Well, hope you won't"
she continued. MY husband was
knocked down seven times at the ball
week ago, and you ought 20 see how
good and kind he has been to the whole
family ever since. free Press.
CODE I'D LIE HEAD.
Whichever you get a code id de head
DE best thidg to do is to go to bed.
But first id hot water soak your feet,
Ad drigk bodeset tea, babe dot too sweet,
You will have very disbal views of life;
Its doise, its turboil its Anguish ad strife
Before your bis'rable soul will loob,
Till you faid would prefer the siledt tob.
Your eyes with water will overflow,
Al your dose-ah that IL the avfulest blow -
Will ache ad grow thick al red.
Al you'll feel like fool adj with .ou were dead.
she'll warb you al love you. though all Id valid.
Perhaps-oh! perhaps she will bake hot rub,
Adj tnck you up diceIy for kigdob kub.
Ad so to sleep. Gvod digit. good dight
The world dow fails before your sight.
Good by. by wife, by babies dear;
40 dot dead, but sleepig here.
The i9,ais Jtituus of pleasure is chased
just as vigorously Ivy tue blacks, even
more 80 than it is by tae whites, as wit
ness the following conversation First
Slovenly Colored Female q, you old
persimmon bear!' Seconds. y. f., eject
ing painful OF dlshwater, which settles
on the sidewalk" rs late dis mawnin'."
First s. G. F." How date Z" Second
s. G. F." Ovahslep myself" First
5. G. F.-"Dey's paaty mex to yo'
house las night" Second $. G.. F.
" Yas-dance. - Louisuitie COurie,'-
Journal.