Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1876-08-23
VARIETY AND HUMOR.

snakes?
When caught, the potato-bug sim
ulates death.
Work consists of whatever BODY
is obliged to do.
The eyes of other people are the
eyes that ruin us.
The battle of Hay -stings "a farmer
in hornets nest.
The real woman's question:
how much is he worth?"
To be perfectly comfortable, man
should do nothing between meals.
business will soon revive. Sep
TENDER will bring stir the oyster
at any rate.
Going through that Hoosac tun-
mel, one can lay back and take half an
hours sleep without losing any day
light.
The weather has been so hot in
Kentucky lately that a good many
farmers were obliged to fan their
wheat.
The poet Street spoke of the I'M
winking eagle" This is nonsense.
The eagle is always wing-king.
An old Chicago man with the rheu-
matism in both legs and his back saws
it is climbing stairs that isruining this
Nation.
An Indian will love you as long as
you are good to him. But you must
not object if he wants to use your scalp
to trim his legglnS with.
If Stanley found "A white race in
~ A 81.
theory that it is the tropical sun that
turns the complexion black?
Mr.. D, if you will get my
coat done by Saturday, shall be for
ever indebted to you. elf that's your
game, it won't be done," said the
tailor.
- You are nuisance. I'll COM
nit YOU said an offended Judge to
noisy person in court. " Iou have no
right to commit a nuisance said the
offender.
An Irishman on board vessel
when she was on the point of founder
ing, being desired to come on deck, as
she was going down, replied that he
had no wish to go on deck to "see
himself drowned
When a boy comes home with
pint of blackberrieS after a half-dayS
absence, you cannot but Sympathize in
his poor luck, especially when you see
that his lips and tongue are black as
night, from modification or some
thing.
- Circumstances alter cases." said
lawyer to his client, after losing his
oil I.it
stances" savagely replied the client.
By your management of my cases
my circumstances have been nearly
ruined"
And great was the fall thereof
Sister-Well you know, Bobby, your
eyes very intlamed; you can't go out
with Tommy Brown till that speck of
dust's out of it. Bobby (anxious to be
off)-Tm all right know it's out
now earnestly II think l heard it
fall .-LondOn Fun
At second childhood he writes his
recollections:
recollect nurse called Ann,
Who carried me about the grass
And one fine day fine young man
Came up and kissed the pretty lass,
She did not make the least objecton
Thinks !, Aha!
4
And that's my earliest recollection.
A young man was frequently eau
toned by his father to vote Tor ''meas-
ures, not men" He promised to
do so, and soon after received a bonus
to vote for Mr.. Peck His father, as
tonished at his voting for a man whom
he deemed Objectionable, inquired the
reason for doing so. "Surely, father"
said the son, "you told me to vote for
measures; and if Peck is not meas
ure, don know what is.
He tried to convince her that ice
water was unhealthy, and that no one
but a foolish, sickly woman would
crave water in such frigid condition.
She seemed convinced, but when they
dropped into restaurant she quietly
remarked to the attendant :" A glass
of ice-water for me. waiter, but for
this gentleman, understand, glass OF
nice 1CGrm water" Then he decided
that, after all, warm water might not
be the best kind for ones system on a
hot day.
We never saw a real angel, and
don't know how far an upright life
and pure conscience may tend to give
to mans face an angelic expression,
but we always had an idea that the
peculiar and conflicting emotions that
gather on the brow of a man who has
just taken five anti-bilious pills and
can't get one of them past his palate
would be a sweet thing to carve on a
tombstone, in order to rob death OF
half Its rrors.-EUchange.
"A Boys Composition on Hens
Hens IS curious animals. They don't