Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1876-10-11
JOcu1arities.

ALWAYS in debt when there is no
necessity for 1.-THE letter B.
THE hard times are most all over
over the whole country.
WHEN are gloves unstable? When
they are kept on hand.
| SOLITUDE is well enough until you want
| to borrow something.
IF you kant git gud clothes and edi-
kashon too, git the clothes.-Jcsh BIZ
langs.
IF you itch for fame, go into a grave
yard and scratch yourself against 8
tumestun.
When can you be said to swallow
hardware? When you buy a tumbler
and goblet.
THERE is no harm in glass of WINS
key-if you allow it to remain in the
glass.
The most candid toast at the confec-
TONERS convention-"Ti sweet for
our country to die"
FREsH.-"I wonder why my mus
tache doesn't grow under my nose as
well as at the corners of my mouth ?"
| Soph.-" Too much shade"
FASHION note Window sashes con-
tinue to be much worn-mostly by la
dies looking out to see people pass by
to church.
Con. from Connaught.-" Ave We
place, sorr, when ought monk to sit
by fire ?" "Shure when he's
cowPd. Punch.
PRISONER in the police court:
Drunk, your honor?. No Stree. I
was only happy as it were, Just boiling
over with bliss celebrated the death
of my mother-in-law."
A MAN man was found dead in a
Georgia well, and local newspaper
rashly conjectures that he either fell
IN or he was thrown in.
Mrs. CARR, of Quebec, hanged herself
with her false hair last week. The
Coroner's verdict was that the Car was
demolished by a misplaced Switch"
:" BRIGHT of my xis10ce give me
an M :" said printer 2 his sweet
heart. She made - at him and
planted her gsg@ between mis- 2 IFS,
which made him G ****
New YORK Commercial: "What is
the worst side of naval warfare?"
asked school teacher. The broad
side" replied the boy in the back seat.
He went up to the head.
J "sNo MAN can do anything against his
will" said a meta physician. Faith"
said Pat, II had brother who went
to prison against his will. Faith he
did"
A TRUTHFUL darkey said lately, "Tm
onshore, boss, wedder ter stay in town
an vote, or ter go inter de country an
git de weeds outer my truck"
"WHY do the butterflies watt their
wings pa twenty-five verse poem, by
Esmeralda Us respectfully d declined,
with the information that they have to
do it or walk
"MR. -, father wants to borrow
your paper. He says he only wants to
read it." "Well, go back and ask your
father to lend me his supper. Tell him
| only want to eat it."
A GEORGIA man offers to pay a re-
ward of $500 for information which
will lead to the convict ion of an indi-
vidual who broke up the engagem ent
between himself and sweetheart.
A LITTLE boy having broken his rock
] ing horse the day it was bought, his
mother rebuked him. He replied to
her by inquiring, whats the good of
horse till it's broke.
A GENTLEMAN, wishing not long since
to ''pop the question" took up the
young lady's cat, and said: PUSSY
may [ have your mistress?" It was
answered by the young lady: "Say yes,
Pussy"
AN eminent and witty prelate was
once asked if he did not think such
one followed his conscience. Eyes
said the bishop. II think he follows it
as man does a horse in gig-he
drives it first"
A DRUNKEN California miner has
kicked a can of nitro-glycerine again,
and his relations would feel great
deal better if they could find some
thing more of him than one boot strap.
It seems ridiculous to have a funeral
over che boot strap.
WHEREVER you find many men,
you find many inds," exclaimed a
public speaker. i" 'Tain't SO, by lingo l."
IL
you'd only ask this whole crowd out to
take drink, you'd find 'em all Of one
mind"
A PARTY Ct belated gentlemen, about
a certain hour, began to think of home
and their wives displeasure, and urge
departure. "Never mind" said one of
the guests, !" fifteen minutes will make
no difference; my wife is as mad now
as she can be-"
A GENTLEMAN lately stepped into a
large hosiery store in Chicago, where
none but mourning goods were sold,
and inquired for pair of slate colored
gloves. The polite shopman informed
him that only black goods were sold In
that room; for slate colored gloves he
must kindly step into the Mitigated At
Fiction Department.
TOMMY (who has been allowed a seat
at the table on the occasion of q tea
party, and is scrutinizing the engraving
on his teaspoon, which is odd =" Why,
mother, these spoons were upon Aunt
James supper table the other night,
when cousin Fred had his party" A