The true northerner., 1876-05-05

Wit and HumOr.
TRowsERs obtained on credit are
reeches of trust.
The money and hair of q fool are soon
parted in the middle.
To JAW a man that won't jaw back is
like kicking at nothing.
A CHILD can pick up a good deal OF
information if it will keep its ear open
while its mother is conversing through
q hole in the fence with the woman next
door.
WHEN you hear of man owning q
hundred thousand dollar house on Brook
lyn Heights, don't it strike you as being
a rather Height-owned place of resi-
dence?
AN old fellow, sixty-nine years old, is
"going to school" in Susquehanna. He
didn't think much of school until
lightning-rod man made him believe that
five times six were thirty-five
AN Illinois preacher, says the Detroit
Free Press, who believed that fire In
surance was defying the Lord, is now
living in barn until his congregation
can find him another house.
The Rev. DIR. Blackie, of Edinburgh,
says that the modorn sermon lis like
toddy made of one-tenth whisky and
nine-tenths water" Brother Blackie's
idea of toddy is correct, at least.
HONOLULU people say it rains nine
days i'll the week at Hilo, and thirteen
months in the year, and once in great
while it rains into the bunghole of a
barrel faster than it can flow out at both
ends.
THE ex-president of the Conundrum
Club perpetrates another atrocity, viz:
"What is that which no man wants,
which, If any man has, he would not
part with for untold wealth." GA bald
head"
AN escaped lunatic was arrested in the
woods in Northern New York, a few days
since, who said he wanted to get Far
from the Madding Crowd at Bingham
ton. The joke was bad one, and they
"ran him in"
GEORGE III. being informed that an
impudent printer was to be punished
for publishing spurious royal speech,
said that he hoped the punishment
would be light, because so far as he
understood either, he liked the spurious
one best.
THAT was philosophical urchin who,
when he was nine years old, having lost
his rabbits by dogs and his pigeons by
rats, said to his little sister: isis, my
opinion is that the happiest period of a
and four years old"
DEAN SWIFT has found an innitator. An
advocate of Colmar has left 100, 000f. to
the local madhouse. 81 got this money" "
said the candid lawyer in his will, out
of those who pass their lives in litigation;
in bequeathing it for the use of lunatics
/ only make restitution"
WHO shtands der streets and corners around
Nit sefrel ages TO be ground,
Und shmied, und bowed, und nefer frowned?
| Der candidate.
Who hold your hands you would start,
| Und told you you was mighty shmart,
Und hsw he luved you NIT his hart?
Der candidate.
Hartford Times.
A VETERAN spinster of South Brook
lyn, remarkable for her taciturnity,
created good deal of surprise last Sun
day by pausing in the lobby of the
church after services and chatting and
laughing quite gayly with the retiring
members of the congregation. 1t was
subsequently ascertained that she had
just come into possession of new set
of teeth.
AN old Scotch lady was told that her
minister used notes. She disbelieved
it, Said one Z" Go into the gallery and
see !" She did so, and saw the written
sermon. After the luckless preacher
had concluded his reading on the last
page, he said But 1 will enlarge" /"
The old woman cried cut from her lofty
position "Ye Gamma ye Gamma, for yer
papers give outl"
NORWICH Bulletin A Preston man
was very angry on going home the other
night, to find that his wife had lent the
only Bible in the house. He said it was
a disgrace that in This period of Chris
tian enlightenment a family should have
only one copy of the Bible. 1t seems he
wanted to decide a bet as to whether it
was Paul or Cephas who said Consist
ency, thou art Jewell"