The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1876-02-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

n ScHllciildn EOuS W W PUBIC mouse
in the country, and asked: "Who is the
master Of this house T. 81 am, sir, re-
piled the landlord; my wife has been
dead these three weeks"
negro in South Carolina, who was
complaining Of the hard times, declared
why" said he, " works all day and
steals all night, and yet l'm blest il kin
make an honest living"
Man" Do you think it would be safe
safe for me to cross this pasture = Maid
"Well, the old bull don't like red very
much, but If you chalk your nose guess
he won't attack you.
A SIX year old boy went into the coun-
try visiting. About the first thing he got
was a bowl Of bread and milk. He tasted
it and then hesltated moment, when his
mother asked him if he didn't like it, to
which he replied, smacking his lips, Yes,
ma an; was only wishing our milkman
III Allentown would keep a COW"
He was III a confidential mood when he
went home the other morning in the ferry
boat, and said to the gentleman sitting by
him: - l'm the happ sh man in New York.
| donowe man silent. I'm gonhome. an
if tholoman's settin up, I'll ticker, an if
she's gone to bed, Ill Ticker any way I'm
bount have shome fun"
A youngster while warming his hands
over the kitchen FIRE, was demonstrated
with by his father, who said Go wa"
from the stove, the weather Is not cold
The little fellow, looked up demurely at
his stern parent, replied 81 amt heatin'
the weather, | am warming my hands"
Pat had been engaged to kill turtle for
a neighbor, and proceeded Immediately to
cut of its head Pats attention was called
to the fact that the turtle still crawled
about, though it had been decapitated,
and he explained Sure the the haste is
entirely dead, only he is not yet conscious
of it.
That Was a shrewd girl, and not devoid Of
sense, either, who remarked, when other
girls were making fun Of her short skirts,
and effected to be much shocked at the
exhibition thereof at party ''If you d
only pull up you dresses about your necks
where they ought To- be. shey would be as
short as mime" She wss not troubled any
more.
did YOU like the sermon, love r. asked
| a pIous wife Of heather husband on their
way home from church. well, my dear,
to tell the truth, he said, Il didn't pay
much attention to the sermon, but from
the sweet expression of the parsons face
should say he WAS man who wouldn't have
to be asked twice to take drink.
A Detroit boy paid his first visit to one
Of the union schools, the other day, as q
scholar, and, when he came home at night,
HIS mother inquired "Well. Henry, how
do you like going to school = 'Bully,
he replied in an excited voice. 81 saw
four boys licked, one girl get her ear pulled,
and big scholar burned his elbow on the
stove | don't want to miss day"
who's Herbert Spencer, pnpl'' asked
an inguiring Brooklyn boy Of his father the
other morning. He's famous English
philosopher, my son" And what's a
philosopher continued the lad, with the
business air of person who could keep
right on asking questions until doomsday.
"A philosopher, returned the father,
gravely, lis a man who never marries. "
The Rev DR.. Richie, of Edinburgh,
| though a very clever man. sometimes met
with his match. When examining a stu
dent as to the classes he had attended, he
said, And you attended the class for
mat hematics r. Yes" How many sides
has circle r. Two" said the student.
tWhat are they n IAN inside and An
outside" The doctor then said And
You attended the philosoI by class also r.
Yes" "Well, you would hear lectures
on various subjects. Did you ever hear
one on cause aud effect 4 Yes" Dies
al effect 70 bef, re a cause II Yes Give
me al instance. "A man wheeling bar
row. The doctor then a. down.
why il it, said young s~ell few
days since, that | can't make my collar
sit well I" Because it is a standing col-
lar, - replied the person to whom the quss-
tion was addressed
Hrs FIRST DUrY Atlanta Consultation:
Jake saw an old acquaintance by the name
Of Amos on the street the other evening
and sccoSted him:
why, Amos, whar you been so long, I
amt seed you for a long time."
Use been down de country fur two
weeks to my bvudder's house.
well, can't you come down to my house
tonight ! wants to hab good long talk
wild you bout the p'hterkil sicherwash-
un =
ltd be mighty pleasure to do so Jake,
but yer see, old Teller, desc here's hog kill
ing times, and meats lying round regard
less of the perlitikil condishun oh affairs.
an ef niger don't lay in some Of dem
perwissuns desc nights, he's gyne to smell
the grabe- yard fore de next lection :"
Den Ill skuse you ill your meats all
in T. said Jake.