davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

ALTITUDE FAsCINATIoN.-Jumping from
points of elevation is a fashion of suicide.
To stand on an elevated site exercises a
singular fascination over some people, lead
ing them to jump into the air. 1t causes
others to sweat and tremble with fear.
Last year l talked with the guardian Of the
steeple of the Cathedral at Strasburg on
this subject, and he informed me that few
visitors were free from the feeling of fright
on reaching the first terrace, which is of
great altitude, and thatit was so pronounced
as to generally prevent them from going
any higher. Sometimes the women tainted.
l confess that l was not free from vague
dread in looking over the immense reach
of landscape which this view takes in,
although there was absolutely no danger,
theterrace being securely guarded by strong
iron rails. This man of upper air-the
guardian or guide-informed me that the
summer before an Englishman had tainted,
but determined to overcome his fright, and
continued to ascend every day for a week,
until he could look out in the direction OF
the Black Forests, from the lantern, with
equanimity. During the summer a man
had jumped into the air through altitude
fascination. He was probably dead before
he reached the ground, on account of the
immense height from which he hurled
himself
Formerly the Vendome Column was the
scene of so many deaths of this kind tha
a decree was issued to prevent visitors from
ascending it unless accompanied by guar
dian. 1t was the Tarpeian Rock of Paris
Such a number have killed themselve
from the fascination of altitude, or tn
fright produced thereby, that elevate'
places must be recognized as dangerous 70
certain people. Those whose selfkillin
is premeditated of course are not comprise
, therein.-The GALAXY.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

adventurer from the sunset side of the
Rocky Mountains; the subdued Confeder-
ate, broken in purse and struggling for
bread the negro, jostled from post to pill
lar, as he seeks some mental place as re-
ward for political detection from his race;
and among them all, forgetful women
crowding toward the new altar of power to
plead the cause of selfishness or necessity
these are the pictures on the outer walls.
And inside there is sea of unfamiliar
faces. Here and there is one to be seen
like plume in multitude, as the whiten-
ed locks of Banks, or Blaine, or Garfield,
or Kelley, or Lawrence, or Wood, or the
former Federal, later Confederate, and
now again Federal Representatives, Ashe
and Faulkner are noted.
Randall, next to Kelley, the oldest mem
Der in continuous service, has been kindly
dealt with by the fight of years.
The seat of the ex-Confedrate Vice
President Stephens is vacant, and it will
remain SO until its weed of woe shall tell
that the long halt has come to a life of
strange vicissitude.
The "man and brother" is also among
them, as the bright yellow faces of Rainy
and Small testify.
Robbins comes after nearly a quarter of
a century of retirement to learn anew the
duties of legislation in a new hall, under a
new order of things that bears every i'm
press of Revolution, and without one OF
his old associates for companionship.
Of all the members of the House, not
half a score witnessed the first throes Of
the new departure of 1861, and few have
experience in the councils of the nation.
A pale, apparently wasted form rises
from the Speakers chair and calls the man
of God to the needed prayers, and next the
race of bombast and buncombe begins.
Kerr soon wearies under the pressure
and Holman is called to take his place, anc
the battle of political pigmies goes on, eacf
dreaming that forty millions of people are
standing in awe and reverence for hi
achievment in the passing some clap-tral
resolution to wiring the withers of his op
ponents and point an editorial for a villag
organ. By-and-by the clean zest of tn
hustings will give place to sober duties, an,
then we shall see what manner of Statesmen
the political revolution of 1875 has givel
to the country.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A New PROBLEM OF LIFE.-A well-known
citizen Of Toleda, Ohio, in the ordinary
drift and current of business, became pos
SCISSOR of the note of German saloon
keeper. The note becoming due, he took
it to the party and presented it for pay
ment The man of drinks was not pre-
pared to liquidate his obligation, and asked
for an extension of time. This being gran
ted, and the conditions settled properly,
the business man was turning to leave when
the German said:
"Shoost vait Won leedle vhiles, unit | gifts
you elm glass goot peer"
"No, thank you, don't drink beer,"
was the reply.
"vell, den, 1 gif you veeskees, dot is
peter as much"
"No, thank you, don't drink whisky"
"Shol den l know how l fix you'll |
have goot vines," Jerking down a bottle
with flourish.
No, thank you, don't drink wine"
"Vot you don't trink noddings; veil, l
giffyou Elm goot shegar."
Once more, "No, thank you, 1 don't
smoke"
"Mein Gottr tr' exclaimed the Dutchman,
throwing up both hands, "no peers, no
veeskees, no vines, no dobacco, no noddings
vat you live on anyvays-botatoes, ell ??
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23
The Boy Who Defended Himself.

Your cognomen, my SON. asked the
Court of boy eleven years, who came out
wiping his nose with as much vigor and
rapidity as if he were paid ten cents
wipe.
"He's dead,' sobbed the boy.
You don't understand me; ! mean
your name"
"BiH."
"Bill what?"
"Bill Davidson
"Well, bub, 1 have heard a very bad re-
port concerning you. I am told that you
broke window, and called a woman bad
names. How is it?"
"I;ll tell you, and l won't lie nuther. l
was goin' long Congress street, and a
woman axed me, boy will you bring in
some coal p And l said would for
twenty-five cents. And she said, "You
little lazy brat you ought to be in the poor
house." And l said was much obliged,
and she set her dog on me. Inever called
her names, and l broke the window a
throwin' at the dog"
I" Is Mrs. Skidmore here?'' asked the
Court.
She wasn't, and after look around, the
boy continued:
Folks have no business to call boy,
names, nor set dogs on em.
"Have you been telling me the truth
boy?'
eyes, have"
aim willing to be just struck dead as
herring if I've lied. Where is the woman
Why don't she come here and swear agains
me? And here's where the dog bit me OF
the leg, and I'll face her any time"
William, you may go, but keep out o
trouble hereafter. Its pretty hard for
free American to run away from skirmish
) but you had better dodge around the col
ner than to get into a wrangle with
, woman. Go in and find your hat, qui
wiping your nose, 60 to bed early, and som
day you will be able to deliver an agricu
tural address before county fair
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23
Joseph and Potiphar's Wife.

There are other versions Of the story of
Joseph and Potiphar's wife than the ortho-
dox and generally accepted one. The fol-
lowing is attributed to M. de Lesseps:
When Potiphar's wife was accused by her
husband of having forgotten her marital
VOWS for the sake of Joseph she attempted
no denial but merely said that Joseph's
beauty was SO great that any other woman
would have done the same thing. This she
offered to prove, and having assembled all
the young ladies Of the Egyptian Court,
she placed them in a row with their eyes
turned toward the door of the apartment.
In the hands of each girl she put an apple
and knife, and told them to cut the apple
when the signal was given. BY prearrange-
ment the door suddenly opened, and
Joseph appeared in all his beauty. Poti
phar's wife gave the signal at that moment,
and every girl save one, instead Of cutting
the apple, cut her hand. The beauty o.
Joseph had so dazzled them that they were
unable to take their eyes off him. 1t is
needless to say that there was a genera
feeling that Potiphar's wife was quite eK
cusable. The girl who showed her hands
uncut, on being asked to explain, said tina
the instant she saw Joseph she felt that i
was no longer safe for her to hold the knif
and she therefore hurriled it from he
before the signal to cut the apple had beel
given.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

lie sat in railway car. His head was
thickly covered with mass of red hair.
Behind him in a seat sat man with hard
ly any hair on his head. He said to him,
a guess you wasn't around when they
dealt out hair" "Oh, yes 1 was" replied
bald head, "but they offered me lot of
red hair, and l told them to throw it into
the ash-bin."
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

THE TERM "BRoTHER JONATHAN" THE
story of the origin of the above term is as
follows: When General Washington, after
being appointed commander of the army
of the Revolutionary war, came to-Massa-
chusetts to organize it and make prepara-
ton for the defense of the country, he
found great want of ammunition and other
means necessary to meet the powerful foe
he had to contend with, and great difficulty
to obtain them. If attacked in such a
condition, the cause at once might be hope
less. On one occasion at that anxious
period, consultation of the officers and
others was held, when it seemed no way
could be devised to make such preparation
as was necessary. His excellency, Jonathan
Trumbull, the elder, was then governor Of
the State of Connecticut, on whose judg
ment and aid the general placed the
greatest reliance, and remarked: awe
must consult Brother Jonathan on the sub
iect.". The general did so, and the Cover
nor was successful in supplying many o
the wants of the army. When dificultie!
afterward arose, and the army spread ovel
the country, it became a by-word: "W,
must consult Brother Jonathan TIL,
term "Yankee" is still applied to por
ton, but, "Brother Jonathan" has nov
become a designation of the whole country
as "John Bull " has for England.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

THE DEATH KIss.-It was love-true
unalIoyed love in death. He saw her sink
ing fast, he knew it, she knew it was con-
sumption. He nursed her like child, the
great strong man, and there they were in
the room together the night she died. She
wanted to see out, to gaze once more at the
world outside, but he entreated her against
it, and told her that to take her up would
make her worse, but she told him she was
dying anyway, and he lifted her tenderly in
his arms and walked with her from window
to window, holding her to his breast, and
showing her this object and that, pointing
out every pleasant thing, and she kissing
him at intervals till the last breath had
gone, and the kiss died cold on his cheek
Woman's love? When God made man he
put all of Heaven in a woman's love, ano
told him to win it and be worthy Of it,
| Grace Greenwood.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

USE OF COAL-A writer in the Journal Of
Health offers the following suggestions con-
cerning the economical combustion of coal /:
A very common mistake is made and much
fuel wasted in the manner Of replenishing
coal fires, both in the furnace and CRATES.
They should be fed with little coal at a
time, and often; but servants, to save time
and trouble, put on a great deal at once,
the first result being that almost all the
heat is absorbed in the newly-put-on coal,
which does not give out heat, until it has
itself become red hot. Hence, for a while,
the room is Gold, but when it becomes fairly
aglow the heat is insufferable. The time to
replenish a coal fire is as soon as the coal
begins to show ashes on their surface
then put on merely enough to show a
layer of black coal covering the red. This
will soon kindle, and as there is not much
Of it, an excess of heat will not be given
out. Many almost put out the fire by stir
ring the CRATE as soon as fresh coal is put
on, thus leaving all the heat in the ashes
when it should be sent to the new supply
of coal. The time to stir the fire is just
when the new coal laid on is pretty vel
kindled. This method of managing Goa
fire is troublesome, but it saves fuel gives
a more uniform heat and prevents the dis
comfort or alterations of heat and colo
| above referred to.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

Josh Billings remarks: "The only way
to git thrue this world and escape censure
and abuse is to take some back road. You
kant travel the main turnpike and do it."
This is the plain, unvarnished, and un-
adulterated truth.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A Delaware man whose wife dropped
dead few days ago, had the funeral put
off one day longer to get the balance of his
corn husked. He said it wouldn't make
any difference to her, as she was always
good-natured.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

DIsAGREEABLE THINGs.-No class of peo-
pie can inhict such martyrdom on their
associates as those who are given to the
habit of reminding others of their faults
and peculiarities. You are never safe with
such person. When you have done your
very best to please, and are feeling kindly
and pleasantly, out will pop some bitter
speech, some underhand stab which you
alone can comprehend-a sneer which is
masked but too well aimed to be misunder-
stood. There is one consolation to be taken.
The repetition of such attacks soon wean
your heart from the attacker. While, as
for him, one friendship after another, NOR
tally stung by his sarcasm, dies, and he
finds himself at last alone and frienless-
as he deserves to be. Setting aside the un-
kindness of the habit, and looking at it
entirely in worldly point of view, it does
not pay to say disagreeable things to those
who love us, as our i'll nature will recoil.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

An old Scotch lady gave a pointed reply
to minister who knew he had offended
her, and expressed edsurprise that she should
come so regularly to hear him preach.
Said she, "My qusrrers wi you, man its
no wi the Gospel"
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

In CAHooT.-Two white boys and negro
went possum hunting, the negro furnishing
the dogs. Next day the darkey was asked
how they came out. "Kocht four pos
sums" "Well, what did you get ?'
"Dunno, massa, yer see we's gwine in
cahoot, and kocht four possums. Mars
jim took two, and Mars Mack two, and as
we's gwino in cahoot, l reckon l gifts de
cnhoot.n
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

He lives in Rhinebeck--now los years
of age, threads needle at arms length,
slept with Noah when boy, played mar
bles with Pharoh, and turned the grind
stone for G. W., to sharpen his little cherry
cutter.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

Clara Louise kellogg tells untruths. She
says, for instance, that she wouldn't marry
the best man in America. 1t is a joke,
however. She knows we've been married
number of Rochester Democrat.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

As Lavender, the other day at dinner,
gazed intentIy into his plate, he remarked
"only woman's hair It's very sentimen-
tai, no doubt, but somehow it gets away
with my appetite"
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A FRIsKY OLD MAD.--Miss Sylla Pool
was born in the county of New Kent, and
State of Virginia, on the I'd day of June,
l777, and consequently is over ninety-eight
years old. A few days since she walked
from her beautiful home in Sheffield, to
Coyington, Ga, distance of some four
miles, saying that it was "leap year" she
would show the boys that she was yet on
hand.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A wild hog was recently killed near
Colusa, CAL, which had tusk thirteen
inches in length and curling around until
it almost went back into the animals
mouth.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

The most glowing passages in minister's
sermon will attract scarcely half the atten-
ton that centres on the man who blows his
nose in church.-Faltoa Times
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

They are soon to have Senatorian fight
in little Rhode Island. Eastern editors
very properly will form ring around the
State and see fair play.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

Are the young ladies of the present
day fit for wivesT' asked lecturer of his
audience. "They are fit for husbands"
responed feminine voice; "but the diff
Guilty is that young men are not fit for
wives" The applause was great, as was the
discontinue of the lecturer.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

What can't be cured must be sold
fresh,' is what they say in Porkopolis.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A man died in a farm house at Annapo-
lis, H., ten years ago, from poison, it was
supposed. Recently the premises were
sold to a farmer, who moved in at once
with his family. He was disturbed, on the
first night of occupancy, by sounds like
footsteps on the floor; and ghostly demon
strations, growing more alarming night by
night, eliminated in the sight of shroud-
ed figure. The farmer was a matter-of
fact man, and slow to believe that the fig
ure was an apparition. His disbelief was
correct, for an exposure showed that
neighbor, anxious to buy the farm cheap,
had planned and executed the annoyance,
in the hope of securing bargain.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A FEARFUL VIsIToR-A Paris paper re-
lates the following story: "a Madame
Bonneau, living in the Rue Descartes, was
sitting in her parlor few days since
awaiting her husbands return to dinner,
when a man Of wild and haggard appear
ance entered and seated himself opposite
to her, addressing her in the following
terms:
{! | am great doctor. | can effectually
cure all headaches. | have heard that you
suffer great deal from that cause, and l
am come to cure you
The lady, perceiving that she had to
deal with mad man, prudently seemed to
fall into his humor, and asked what was his
method Of treatment.
"Simple enough madame" said he
drawing a razor from his pocket: I" 1 will
cut off the head, and then, after having
well cleaned it, l replace it upon the
shoulders"
Upon this he prepared to suit his action
to his words. Nine. Bonneau, with great
GOODNESS professed her readiness to submit
to the operation, but suggested that she
should fetch towel from the next room to
prevent her dress being stained. Her
visitor assented to the reasonableness of the
suggestion, and she left the room, locking
the door behind her. Upon her return
with some police officers, they found that
the unfortunate maniac had cut his own
throat.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

DAMAGED MES.-You can see any day in
the street of any city, men who look DANA
ged. MenatOo, Of good original material,
who started out in life with generous aspira-
tions. Once it was said that they were
bright promising lads; once they looked
happily into the faces of mothers, whose
daily breath was prayer for their purity
and peace. All, and what, too, if some of
them have vowed their souls away to con-
fiding wives who silently wonder what can
be the meaning Of this change that is
coming over the house and heart.
1t was the spell Of evil companionship;
the willingness to hold and use money not
honestly gained; the stealthy, seductive,
plausible advance of the appetite for strong
drink: the treacherious fascination of the
gambling table; the gradual loss Of interest
in business, and in doings which build
man up, the rapid weakening of all noble
purposes, the decay of manliness; the
recklessness and blasphemy against fate;
the sullen despair of ever breaking the
chain of evil habits What victories of
shame and contempt, what harvests of hell
have grown from such seed as this.-Gopgh.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23
How dreary seems each hour,
As it slowly, slowly goes,
To the man who sits in anguish,
With a boil upon his nosel

This jute the ladies patch their hair with
never looks more like real hair than when
it appears in tire butter.
A little pepperment is better than brandy
when there is any trouble with your "true
inwardness.n
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

Two North Carolina negro conyicts now
hold positions in the Alabama legislature.
Smyrna times., 1876-02-23

A PATRON LosT.-A German subscriber to
the journal recently called to advertise a
lost COW, and according to the long-estab-
lished custom of this well-regulated print
shop, we wrote up notice and figured up
the cost of publication.
"Vat ish dat q asked our friend, placing
the butt end of his whip on the little sum
of multiplication.
We informed him that it would cost him
so much for advertising his lost COW three
weeks.
"You make me pay for dat?'
"Certainly; we always take pay for ad-
vertising.''
"You takes pay, Ell? Veil, dat ish Won
swindle. schribe NIT dat Shournal baper
desc three years, and now you sharge me
yoost for zone little advertise .un mine
gow."
"You shtop my Shournal bapers."
But vou-"
"You shtop my Shournal bapers, und
got some oders, py shiminy und you gone
little end dat horn out"
"But, see here, friend-''
81 got right away und dond got sheated
NIT you, py ERASMUS. Tink you got some
sleep nit weasel, dond you? Sharge me
yoost for advertise von 1t vas better Nv
you dond got me mad ven I gone here
und schribe NIT dat Shournal more as
three year, but you makes me mad und yor
shtop mine bapers before 1 got it mex
time. Dat ish vat man l am kind NV, py
shiminyr p
We tried to explain; we tried in vain
we lost him and three weeks advertise
ment of lost gov, py shiminy"
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1876-09-08
WASHINGTON TERRITORY.

CLALLAM COUNTY.
Neah Bay, New Dungeness, Port Angeles.
CLARKE.
Battle Ground, Brush Prairie, Fourth Plain,
Martins Bluff, Pioneer, Stoughton, Union
Ridge, VancouverS, Washougal.
CHEHALIs.
Cedarville, Chehalis Point, Elma, Hoquiam,
MOntesinO, Oakville, SatsOp, Sharon.
CowLITz.
Castle Rock, FreepOrt, Kalama, Lower Cow
litz, Monticello, Mt. Coffin, Oak Point, Pekin,
Silver Lake.
Coupeville, Coveland, Dugally, Utsalady.
JEFFERSON.
Port Discovery, Port Ludlow, Port Townsend.
KING.
Black River, Dwamish, Fall City, Seattle",
Slaughter, Snoqualmy, Squack, White River.
KITsAP.
Port Blakely, Port Gamble, Port Madison,
Port Orchard, Seabeck, Tecklit
KLICKITAT.
Block House, Columbus, Goldendale, Klicki-
tat, White Salmon.
LEWIS.
Algernon, Boisfort, Chehalis, Claquato, Cow
litz, Glen Eden, Little Falls, Meadow Brook,
Messy Rock, Napavine, Newaukum, Skookum-
chuck, Silver Creek, Winlock.
MASON.
Arcadia, Lightville, Oakland, skokomish.
PACIFIC.
Bruceport, Brookfeld. Knappton, Oysterville,
Riverside, South Bend, Unity, Woodward's
Landing.
Elhi, Franklin, Lake View, New Tacoma,
Puyallup, Steilacoom CityS, Tacoma.
SAN JUAN.
San Juan, Topaz, Orcas.
sNOHoMIsH.
Centerville, Lowell, Mukilteo, Snohomish,
Tulalip.
sKAMANIA.
Cascades
Crab Creek, Four Lakes, Fort Colville. Hang
mans Creek, Pine Grove, Rock Creek, RosaIie,
Spokane Bridge, Spokane Falls, Union Ridge,
Walkers Prairie.
THURSToN.
CoaI Bank, Beaver, Miami Prairie, Olympia
Tanalquoit, TeninO, Tumwater, Yelm.
wAHKIAKUM.
Cathlamet, Eagle Cliff, Skamokaway, Water.
ford.
wALLA wALLA
Alpawa, Burksville, Dayton, Patahi, Patahi
Prairie, Tukanon, WaitsburgF, Walla Walla@
| Whitman.
wHATCoM.
! Cedar Grove, Guemas, La Conner, Lehmhi
Lummi, Lynden, Nootsachk, Point William
Samish, Seahome, SeiahmOo, Ship Harbor
| Ship Island, Skagit, Truder, WhatcoIn.
WHITMAN.
! Cedar Greek, Colfax, Evansville, Owensburg
Palouse, Steptoe, Union Flats, Walton.
YAKIMA.
Attanum, Ellensburg, Fort Simcoe, Kittitas
Konnowock, Nahum, Pleasant Grove, Selah
Yakima.
sMoney Order Offices.
The new Northwest. [volume] (Portland, Or.) 1871-1887, 1876-09-08
The Law of Newspapers.

l. Subscribers who do not give express notice
to the contrary are considered as wishing to
continue their subscriptions.
2. If any subscribers order the discontinuance
Of their newspapers, the publisher may con-
tinue to send them until all arrearages are
paid.
3. If subscribers neglect or refuse to take their
newspapers from the offices to which they are
directed, the law holds them responsible until
they have settled the bills, and ordered them
discontinued.
4. If subscribers remove to other places with
out informing the publisher, and the newspa-
pers are sent to the former direction, they are
held responsible.
| s. The courts have decided that refusing to
take newspapers from the office, or removing
and leaving them uncalled for, is prima facie
evidence of intentional fraud.
8. The postmaster who neglects to give the
legal notice of the neglect of a person to take
from the office the newspapers addressed tC
him, is liable to the publisher for the subscrip
tion price.