Smyrna times., 1876-10-25
Miss Dimity's Pursuit of knowledge
Didn't Pan Out.

Miss Dimity knows all about it now.
She languished long time in ignorance,
and felt her situation keenly, but at last
she is wiser and sadder. She always wanted
to talk politics and belong to some party {;
but how could she when she did not know
even the difference between a Democrat
and a Republican? She looked anxiously
through all the papers to gain some infor-
nation on the subject, but the only plain
statements she found were that the Demo
Gratis are all liars and swindlers, and the
Republicans all thieves and scoundrels.
Finally she asked her papa aboutit, and he
looked over his spectacles and said: "a
Democrat, my dear child, is-by the way,
you left Jumps in the heels of my stockings
when you darned them last week. Girls
nowadays are good for nothing" Then
she asked her big brother, and he said,
"Thats easy; ask me harder one. A
Democrat supports the Government as
long as the Government will support him
and Republican lets no guilty man escape
until he has crammed all of his pockets
and the crown of his hat" She next asked
her sweetheart, but he turned pale, and
falling back on his chair, famed himself
furiously while he gasped, " Emeline, my
love, | hope you are not getting strong
minded. l could not think of marrying a
woman who knows more than than
other women" Next she asked a wise and
learned man, and he looked pompously at
her and said: "Too deep, my dear, too
deep; difference in the platform; very
complicated subject; could never explain
1t to woman. In fact, it's so deep don't
exactly under-ah, believe you could un.
derstand it," Then she went to an editor.
They can get up theory or explanation
of or remedy for anything inside of forty
five seconds. She asked him, with suffused
eyes, if he would please tell her the differ
ence between a Democrat and Republi
can. He looked a little startled at first
struck his pen into the glue-pot, tumbled
a pitcher Of ice-water over pile of ex
changes, jerked up his collar and wa.
" himself again." He said: GA Republi
can has an Office, and wants to keep it
He thinks rag-money good, hard-money
better, but either kind good enough. II,
thinks the country needs reform, salaries
are too low, and the people too inquisitiye
He cannot buy $4,000 team Of horses OF
a salary Of $500 year, but some one mus
ask impertinent questions. His country i
dear to him, but he is dearer to his country
A Democrat has no office and wants one
He scorns to ask whether the money i
hard or soft; he only gasps, How muchf
He thinks the country needs reform. H
wants change in office and change in hi
pockets. He holds his country's homo
above price, and sells his own to the high
est bidder. H" but Miss Dimity put he
hands over her ears and cried "Pleas
tell me the name of the other party t.
which honest men and patriots belong
Then that editor laughed an inhumal
laugh, and said: Long ago they took
lantern when they wanted to find al
honest man you had better borrow half
dozen headlights and garden rake anc
look for that party. However, if you ar
true patriot you will work for the Reput
licans, for they all have cottages at Lon
Branch, and villas in Washington an
Paris, and are pretty we'll supplied wit
funds; but the Democrats have been on
a long time, their money is all gone, an
their villas are mortgaged 1t will be
dreadful strain on the Treasury, and
Miss Dimity did not wait for more. An
now, when any one talks politics in he
presence she listens with that benign sac
ness that is born of superior wisdom.