Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1876-07-13
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OUR JOKER.

Can potato WINK Ddh0HFy NetcS.
A daughter of wealthy Wator>
town farmer has distinguished herr
self by raising eight little pigs on "a
bottle. Suck-cess TO her literary of
forts. Philadelphia Bulletin.
Henry V. belts arc tho latest fem-
inino freaks in that line. They are
probably so called, because it costs
Horny V. every time his wife pur-
chases one.-NorriSt0lon Herald.
Thore are only two gallons of
whskey per year manufactured for
zach inhabitant of the United States,
and it ia clear case that somebody's
got to go without. = Cincinnati
Times.
A Virginian accidentally stumbled
and fell. A lady, thinking TO COM
miserate with the mishap, observed
that she regretted his unlucky fdur-
pas. 81 didn't hurt my fore~psws,"
he ropliod, sit was my knee"
Mark Twain, speaking of a new
mosquito netting, writes; "rhe day
is coming when we shall sit under
our nets in church and sumber
peacefully, while the discounted
flies club together and take it out OF
tho minister"
The few men who arc still earnest
advocates of the theory that lager
beor docs not intoXioate, still cling
fondly to tho good old custom of
winding the clock at two n. m. with
: hair brush.-BHriington a,ok-Eye
Now is tho time for lovers to got
spooney over ice cream, she taking n
few pretty dabs at his vanilla, and he
borrowing a taste of her chocolate.
This process inspires confidence in
the day when they will be throwing.
corn beef and cabbage across the
tablo.-Ne.0 Y0rk Herald.
A young man who started for tho
Black Hills, halted twenty miles this
side of tho objective point and COM
men3od to dig, and tho result was
quarter of pound of lead inside OF
fifteen minutes IIo dug it out of
his leg, whore it had been deposited
by a noble red man.-NorriStoion
Herald.
A scientist ailirms that eventually,
as our globe contracts, thoro will be
only thirteen days in tho year. 1t
will be jolly to have Fourth of July,
Christmas, Washington's Birthday,
and all tho rest OF the holidays in
one weok, and be able TO remind
creditors who como nosing around
that legal holidays must be respect
cd.
n New Jersey editor lost his bost
gold pom and holder a fow days ago.
After making a thorough search all
over the Office, and accusing u dozen
tramps of its thoft, he happened to
remember whore he last placed it,
and bending down the top of his car,
discovered no less than fourteen pom
holders of various styles which he
had lost during the past two years
N0rriSt0lgn Herald.
Some mistaken genius has invent
a pocket photograph apparatus. You
| meet q woman who pleases you
you draw out the machine, and
before she has time to be astonishod
you have her likeness in your pocket.
A man operating with such an APP
paratus is warranted to have an eye
poked out with a parasol several
times a day. -NorriStOton Herald.
A select hop took place at a hall
in Corning, and tho programme an
nouuced, "No German" A well.to.
do Teuton saw it, and stopping ono
of the managers in the street, no
said, "Vot for you call dis free
guntry? vot for you kick me ont NIT
your show all do vile mo Germanl'
Den l backs up mino goods and goes
back to mine Vaderland, and | gets
up ono grand hippety hop, and say,
No Yankee and see how you likes
dom all do vile"
An Irishman boing asked why he
left his country for Ameri replied,
sit wasn't for want | had plenty
of that at homo"
n CHTUIHO Win cNcAJ oEB INV
| Danbury NetcS. Is that crow-mo
| rooster p Whitehall Times. Guess
so, for q rooster can crow mo- than
hen .-N0rriSto,0 Herald.
Rhode Island sends to the Centen.
NAL policeman who measures six
| feet three inches. That comes from
living in small State. Not having
room to spread, he ran up.
The oldest piano in America is on
its way to the Centennial to be
olawed and paved and thumped
around for the benefit of small boys
with tears on the ends Of their noses.
Detroit Free Press.
A cool young gent, oil of tho mod
ern days, entered menagerie with
cigar in his mouth, when the pro-
prietor politely requested the visitor
not to teach the Other monkeys bad
habits. The young man proved
himself equal to tho occasion, by pro-
ducing his cigar-case and saying,
.'Try one"
THE amount of greenbacks de-