The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-01-08
VARIETY.

The Locomotive Engineers provide pension
for the families of deceased members. This is a
case of very creditable engine 'nuity.
MELLOW PHILosoPHY.-''I have ceased, re-
marked blase cynic, :" to care enough about my
species to take any pleasure in saying disagree
able things"
Ms. found on the steps of cheap boarding
house (writer probably " "departed'O:
tn: only tSqfh my 9e ag9 asntG asIs G'Rss' fss
A dishwashing- machine is the latest invention.
They will continue to invent washers, wringers,
ironers, sewers and one thing another, till women
will not be worth 10 cents dozen.
From the Journal of q Hengish tourist in
America: Talk habOut their Yankee Doodle
Their national toOn is the spittoon -
HE was milking the river and fell in, > is the
Rochester Democrats epitaph on the milkman
who was drowned in that city the other day.
Lady to waiter: ';Don't put that ice into the
goblet with your fingers Waiter % Lor, ma m,
/ don't mind, my hands are very warm
brutal husband in Maine carefully ground
knife to keen edge. seized his wife by her neck.
drew back her head, and cut of-the blonde
hair that she prided herself so much about.
90. why, why am not married to some one
else said she as he walked into the room IN sec
tions, and absent -mindedy sat down in the slop-
pail s'Madam," said he, '' thash (hic) only
time in two years we've deayOred TO solve same
problem.
A Virginia widow furnished her second bride
groom with this card for the satisfaction OF the
authorities This is to- certify that l hereby
give Tom-leaf to get license to marry me,
being full grOne, and of age, 10 years old, my
parents and all my relations being willing for me
20 marry Lucinda, daughter Of, Nov
ember 3, 1875
In a Baker-street car yesterday some men were
talking about the nerve of William Tell IN shoot
ing an apple off his sons head. To yex an old
lady who. was listening, one OF the men sand
THAT was Mr. Tell but what did his wife
amount to-why doesn't history mention her?
.sI'i bet SlOOi" called the old lady in an excited
voice s.l'Il bet 800 that she sat up halt the
night before patching that boys trowsers so he d
look decent to 60 out! ut!"-Detron Free Press
That beautiful and mysterious thing, woman's
love is not always wasted on her ieeble-mnded
husband or nine troublesome and lll-mannered
children sweet and perfect the latter may seem
to her Says n Nevada journal: " During the In-
tense excitement that prevailed in Virginia City
during the fire, one woman, the mother OF several
children and the proprietress o. healthy inter
of bull-pups, hailed Truckee man anu asked
him to assist her in carrying wash-tub In which
she had the pups tenderiy packed. ohe hao lei'
her children in the house
few davs since, says the Boston Journal, a
the marshes, had the misfortune to drive their
mare into a bog, in which she sank up to her
middle The two gentlemen jumped out, one on
each side and attempted to lift the animal. - Now
she rises - shouted one 80 Yes; another lift and
she ID all right" responded the other. In less
than gixty seconds, instead of raising the horse,
the two sportsmen were buried to their arm-plts,
and the raising of the horse had been bit of de-
ception caused by their sinking. 4" We crawled
out said of the gentlemen, '' and as we
sought dry land, | came to the conclusion that
our effort to raise that mare was based upon the
Wendell Phillips theory of financial salvation
The Yokohama, Japan. Herald relates remar
kable occurrence which shows that some of the
Japanese have very extraordinary capacity for
Ritthstanding the effects of fiery potations. An
Osaka man offered prize to anyone who would
drink one ShO-one quart, one pint and one-hali
a eiIl-of certain native liquor about as strong
as spirits of wine. coOlIe performed the feat
hut died the same day from the effects OF it.
They buried him in a shallow grave, and about
midnight the next Day the earth absorbed the
LIQUOR from his well-sOaked body, and ne woke
up from his debauc:I. Pushing off the light soil
that covered him, he rose from his grave in q
white shroud, and startled some robbers near by
who were counting and dividing their money
They took the strange apparition for ghost
and ran off in dismay- The coolie picked up the
cash and reported to his wife the same night, q
sadder but richer man than he was before hiE
spree.