Whig and tribune. [volume] (Jackson, Tenn.) 1870-1877, 1876-02-19
ABOUT WOMEN.


A young lady at piano, desiring to IA
VOrably impress youRS man, shouldn't
place lamp so it will throw her PrSfle
on the wall.
\ Russian proverb says; Before go
ing to war, pray once; before going to
sea, pray trice; before going to get mar
ried, pray three times"
THAT clock, stranger" said Michi-
gan farmer, ''was the best kind of clock
up to six months ago, when my daughter
began TO have beauI, and now the blamed
thing Is always two hours slow"
Yes, women are unreasonable, and you
may have remarked that when one of
them sits down in new silk dress on 4
chair where 4 neighbours child has care
lessly deposited two cents worth of taffy,
she will go on about it just as bad as If it
were two dollars worth.
A man two-thirds drunk encountered
an aged apple-wOman, and reaching out
to shake hands, inquired: Hi! old gal /;
wouldn't We like TO be s-sOmebOdy's dar-
ling?" She whirled him around and
gave him push, saying: "Be of, now !.
it's no place on the street TO be whisper
in lOVe!'
When Little Falls wife demonstrated
with her husband for staying out late at
night, he retOrted: "IOu got me into
the way of 1t. Before we we're married,
you used to throw your arms around my
neck at three O'Clock and say, Don't 20,
darling; it's early yet;' but now II hap
pen to stav out till two, IL is a terrible Af-
fair"
An Irishman, arriving in this CouRtry,
took fancy to Yankee girl, and wrote
20 his wife: Dear NOr2h, these melan-
CHI ~ in fnrT "A
yesterday, and hope you are enjoying the
same blessing. l recommend you to mar
~ Jerry O'Rourke, and take care Of the
childer. From your affectionate husband
until death"
In Philadelphia, when a married man
goes home at midnight, and commences
to serenade his wife by singing "Hold
(hic) the Fort" she knows right away
that the fort he's been holding is made OF
glass with long neck, and that he's
been converted by the ardent and not
divine spirit. And then she makes il so
lively for him that he can scarcely "hold
his own"
II is stated that five Ohio girls starting
West about 4 month ago with the inten-
ton of adding to Brighton Young's stock
Of wives, all got msrried to railroad con-
ductors before they reached Omaha.
NOW, we near IhaJ ten thousand haSSa-
ehusetts spinsters are anxiously enqui-
ring what route their Ohio sisters trav-
lied by, The last census gives 10000
more females than males in the State OF
Massachusetts.
A strong-nfinded woman married a
man not noted for activity of body or en-
ergy of character, and before the honey
moon was over, upon awakening one
morning he found his spouse in tears.
"Hy love, " said he, what is the natter?'
ooh, have had such a dreadful dream -
"Why, what was it?' l thought | was
going up Broadway, shopping, when
saw IA sign, Husbands for sale So ma
ny women were rushing in that l fol-
/ lowed, and just then they sold a splendid
/ specimen for fifteen hundred dollars. -
but did they all bring that much -
| ooh, no, they went At a thousand dol
| lars, Ave hundred dollars, and so on
! down." "Weu, did you see any that
looked like me-" Eyes, indeed; but
| they were tied up in punches, like sspar-
agIs, and sold for ten cents a bunch"
| Tableau.