South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1876-06-16


thither. All went on decorously until
the minister,in his white robes, presented
himself, when the little fellow, with
tug at his sleeve, very nearly upset the
professors gravity by wonderingly ex-
claiming, Papa, does Uncle Joseph
sleep here?"
GR"Remember," said a trading Quak.
CT to his son, 'in making thy way in the
world, a spoonful of oil will go further
than quart Of vinegar"
syJones says that why he isn't mar.
ried is because that when he wooed she
wouldn't. Ab
EH Punch says that Yankee baby
will crawl out of his cradle, take survey
of it, invent an improvement, and apply
for patent before he is six months old.
HIS STYLE.-A New York bootblack
was soliciting custom on the Bowery in
his bare feet, and pedestrian gave
him a job for the sake Of asking:
''Bub, where are your boots?''
Gone up" was the reply.
And you have TO go barefooted?"
well. its either go barefooted or put
on an old pair of dads and my styles
before YOU"
Gracious, l should think you'd
freeze"
Freeze! Aw, g'long Cats 90 bare.
footed all winter, and when / can't
stand as much as cat I'm going to eat
pizen and die y
VCrowing boy on the fence to boy
on the walk: aha, You amt got no
baby at your house?" Sneering boy on
the walk TO boy on the fence: II don't
care, our dog has got six pups, aha.a."
1V ANY excuse better than none. A
topper says hc would be temperance
man in q minute lift wasn't for his wife.
He knows she'd be lonesome if she
hadn't something to jaw about and find
fault with.
cFA little boy, whose conduct made
his mother say that she feared he did
not pray, replied yes, do; | pray
every night that God will Make you and
pa like my ways better.
lF'I narrowly escaped being cut off
with a shilling" said solemn young
man. How did you escape it?' asked
abystander. My father had no shilling
EV"Vell, sarc,' said Centennial
restaurant keeper, Struggling his shout
ders when customer from Arkansas
demurred TO paying one dollar for cup
Of coffee and n roll. ''ze price he NAV
luke large, Eat admete; but, zen, sarc,
refiec Eat you nafer hafc anozer shance
like zese for une hundret ycar.-N Y.
Com Adre,tiser.
DARWIN CORRECTED Darwin saws
that animals have no religious sense.
but he probably never observed the calm.
reflective manner in which chicken
will stand on one leg and look up TO
heaven after squeezing through q hole
in the fence into the strawberry bed
next door
Darwin says the coming man" will
be bald.headed. This will be sad news
10 the coming women. Instead Of
snatching her husband by the hair, in
family discussion, she will be obliged TO
pour scalding water down his back
OIL YOURSELF a LGTTLE.-There is
true humor in the following story: Once
upon n time there lived an old gentle.
man in q large house He had servants
and everything he wanted. yet lie was
not happy, aud when things did not 90
M he wished, he was cross. At last his
servants left him. Quite out of temper
he went to neighbor with q story Of his
dstresses
at seems TO me-" said the neighbor.
sagaciously, "twoud be we'll for YOU TO
oil yourself little"
10 oil myself2''
Yes and / will explain Some time
ago one OF the doors in my house creak.
cd. Nobody, therefore, liked TO 90 in
or out by t. One day oiled it's hinges.
and it has been constantly used by eve.
rybody ever since"
Then you think am like your creak.
ing door" cried the old gentleman
How do YOU want me TO oil myself?''
That's on easy matter" said the
noighbor. Go home and engage a ser.
want and when he does right, praise
him. If, on the contrary, lac does some.
thing amiss, do not be cross oil your
voice aud words with the oil OF love"
The Oh gentleman went home. and no
harsh or ugly word was found in his
house afterward. Every family should
have bottle Of this precious oil, for
every family is liable to have a drinking
hinge in the shape Of fretful DISPOSE.
ton, a cross temper. n harsh tone, OF n
faultfnding spirit.
Rheumatism is always n joint az.
fair, and yet there is only one party to It,.
- Mrs. Paterson has never sued q
man for reformation Of character.