The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1876-02-05
Bonds of neutrality-suspicious..


Fare we'll performances-Goo meals.
"A smart thng-A mustard plaster.
Poor bread makers-Average dough-
mess tics.
"A very common crime-A-salt on the
high seas.
How to take life easy-Be careless with
petroleum oil.
What throat is the best for singer to
reach high notes with "A soar throat.
An aiternative-The legal course which
is open to England if the Khedive don't
pay his intsrest-Sue his canal.
"A Belgravian Observation-Disclosures
" Mother, isn't it wicked to say, You be
bowed as Algy does ?" Mother"
worse than wicked, my dear-it's vulgar"
To prevent her lover from "going
back on his promise, Detroit girl al
ways introduces him to her friends as
"my intended husband"
-Coleridge, the poet and philosopher,
once arriving at an inn, called out
" Waiter, do you dine here collectively or
individually ?" "Sir," replied the knight
of the napkin, " we dimes at six"
-"Yes," he said, dreamily, eve are
always striving for a subjective goal
Unconsciously, it may be, but still we
strive. We lean over the verge of the
infinite, longing to grasp it's mysteries, and
lost in the profundities of it's immensties."
"Yes," she replied, thoughtfully. "But,
John, would you mind my putting brown
of yours ?"
When was ), Ter age was 0,
Save some winged moments newly caught;
But Time, while stealing life away,
Is adding to it every day!
And when she numbered Is years,
And was 20, hopes and fears
The scroll of future life unrol'd,
And Love was lord of all-but gold,
When 90 Summers crown'd her head,
And 20 of mine had fled,
She gave me hers, gave her mine,
And then our sum was times 9.
And as the years run on, our lives
In cash and cares still count in IS.
Each 5-note, how fast it goes.
How quick come twice little toes!
TRUE PIETY.-I called at Magruder's
the other morning on my way down town,
and, rs I knew them well, entered the
side door without knocking-I was shocked
to find Mr.. Magruder PROSTATE on the floor,
while Mrs. Magruder sat upon his chest,
pulling his hair, humping his head on the
boards, and scolding him savagely.
They got up when came in; and poor
Magruder, wiping the blood from his nose,
tried to pretend it was only a joke. But
Mrs. Magruder interrupted him.
"Joke? Joke? / should think not.
was giving him dressing down. He
wanted to have prayers before breakfast,
and | was determined to have them after;
and as he threw the Bible at me and hit
Mary Jane with the hymn book, soused
down on him. If cannot rule this house,
I'll know why. Pick up them Scriptures,
sir, and have prayers! You hear me,
Magruder? Its more trouble regulatin'
the piety of this family than runnin' saw
mill. Mary Jane give your pa that hymn
book!'
How TO PURCHASE TENDER GEEsE.-A
good many stories of stammerers are told,
but none of recent date better than the
following of Platt Evans, of Cincinnati.
1t was one of his pleasures to teach his
friends how to purchase tender geese,
though he could not always get them in
the market. One morning he saw a lot,
aud inquired how many there were.-
"About Dozen" was the reply. 'sW-w-
WELT" said Plat, 81 k-k-keep b-board-
ing house, and my BIB boarders are the
biggest eaters you ever SIS saw. P-p-pick
out mime Of the t-toughest you've gg-
got" The farmer complied, and laid aside
the other three tender ones. Platt picked
them up carefully, and, putting them in
his basket said, 81 BIB believe I'll take
these three"