Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1876-03-10
WHOLE NO. 553.
Gleanings.

we SHOulu Dc CapduIc VI uolnS oCAoi0 E9T
the world.
Rank poison-Welghing people in tl
social scales.
Have order, system, regularity, and alses y
promptness. Z.
When is music like oysters? When there
is quart eat.
The extra sleep obtained by the use e.
a mosquito bar is SO much net gain. 1
Your time is best employed when it's
devoted to attention to your business.
"You must not put counterfeit nick.F
in this box" said streetcar driver. 'It
is not fare"
Best rhyme of the season: "'T is sweet
to wait; but oh, how bitter, to wait.s :
girl, and then not git 'er." L,
In life it is difficult to say who dor
you the most mischief-encmieS with
worst intentions, or friends with the +
A Milwaukee man stated that he reai-
needed some active, regular exercise. Al
friend suggested that he mix his own COO. :
tails" s.yi
To prevent her lover from ''going bat
on his promise, Detroit girl Away
troduces him to her friends as &c I.
tended husband"
Somebody in Georgia Court applaudi
ed" whereupon the Judge Indignantly rel
marked: "Now, dry up; will let you\
know that this is no campmecting." I
Twenty-Five years ago Rochester VIZ =
man stuck pin into her foot. The other
day she pulled beautiful needle out OF
her knee. That's the town for transforms
tions.
The zeal of relic hunters has reached
the climax. A gentleman of jackson,
Tenn, has preserved in alcohol, bed-buS
which was caught in bed Gen. Jackson
slept in. !
"Your son, madam, persists in doing
nothing, said the director. 'Then," said
the woman, by no means disconnected,
''You should give him the prize for perse-
verancem
g Are those pure canaries?" asked a
gentleman of a bird fancier, with whom ,
he was negotiating for a pair. Yes I
sir" said the dealer confidentially. "1l
raised them ere birds from this very cana
ry seed"
1t was after dinner. and it was so dull;
the conversation do not seem to start inS
the least Then the cynic said: Will
nobody 20 home. that one may have fine7
opportunity to tear him all to pieces as
soon rs ne le1ves?"
\ Z ei~ian Eunrnaker has this ncticl
.r-eit- III wiadOw TO those dlsap
pointed n lora 4 great choice in patent
rovoivsr- y 3 In the case is all the
apparatus necessary for extracting the ball
and dressing the wound
1t is not ease, but effort-not facility,
but difficulty, that makes men. There is,
perhaps, no station in life in which diff
culties have not to be encountered and
overcome before any decided measure of
success can be achieved Samuel Smiles.
An editor, wishing to be severe upon
an exchange, remarks: The subscriber
of the - in this place, tried, a few days
ago, to carry home some hard lard II
copy of that paper; but, on reaching home
found that the concentrated lie had chang
ed it to soap"
&" Yes, sir" remarked sanguine specu-
lator to a capitalist, whom he was endeav-
oring to captivate tor an investment, Eyes,
sir, my project is the weightiest on record"
:" No doubt" drily replied the moneyed
man, and that's why you'll find it hard
to carry out"
A ck-headed squire, beng worsted
by Sydney Smith in an argument, took his
revenge by eXclaiming: If had son
that was an idiot, by jove, I'd make him
parsonl" Every probable replied Sgd
ney; but I see your father was of very
different mind.
A couple of neighbers became SO hos
tile that they would not speak to each 9TH
er; but one of them, having been convert
ed at Il camp-meeting, seeing his former
enemy, held out his hand, saying, How
dye do, Kemp? am humble enough to
shake hands with dog"
March of refinement 1875: Brown
(behind the age, but hungry" Give me
the bill of fare, waiter" Head Waiter
Beg pardon, sir?" Brown" The bill
of fare" Head Waiter" The what, sir?
O.-ah?-Yes," To subordinate, "Chawles
bring this-this-ge gentleman--the menoo'n
John" said Mrs. Smith, what smell
is that?" Cloves But that other
smelle" "Allspice But isn't there
another?" Yes-apples." "And just
one more?" Cider, my dear" "Well,
john" said she, " if you'd only drink a
little brandy now, you'd make good
mince pie
A wife who had been lecturing her hus-
band for coming home intoxicated, be-
came mcensed at his indifference, and ex-
claimed: ''Oh, that l could wiring tears
of anguish from your eyes!" To which
the hardened wretch hiccoughed: Tai
'taiu't no use, old woman" to bo-5ore for
water here"
What would you do" inquired Po-
lice Commissioner of an applicant for a
position on the force, "what would you
do, if burglar should turn Oh you and
point pistol at your head" "Do? why
I'd beg him not to shoot, and then hurry
to the station-house for reinforcements."
He was rejected.
The following conversation took place
the other evening at u tea-table in Bangor,
Nc; Five-yearold to his mother: Moth
er, can have a cooky?" "No, my son."
Mother, can have a quarter of cooky?"
" No, my SON." "Can have crumb of
a cooky?" NO" "Well, then, can I
smell of cooky?"
An American in French hotel asked
for n toothpick and was told that they
were not to be had. Expressing surprise
at this, he was effectually silenced by the
explanation of the waiter, that the supply
had been discontinued because customers
were SO unscrupulous as to take the tooth
picks away with them.
traveller, visiting a cathedral was
shown, by the sarcristan, among ether
marvels, dirty opaque glass phial. AZ
ter cycling it some time the traveller SAID:
"Do you call this relic? Why it is
empty" EMPTY" retorted the sarcris-
tan, indignantly. Sir, it contains some
of the darkness that Moses spread over
the land of Egypt"
A Distressed Agriculturist.
A western paper tells story of a
l..A,o..>l