The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1876-02-24
Miscellaneous.

Always open to conviction-a thief
Something that always soots-s chin.
ney-sweep.
A waste of "t"-Putting it in depot
Alta California.
His majesty, King Mtesa, of Africa, is
clothed in nothing but dignity De-
troit Evening News.
1--WE confess that we don't like the
devil. - Louisville Courier Journal
Familiarity breeds contempt.
The crusaders have converted Brook
lyn saloon keeper and persuaded him to
close his shop. He did it. The crusa-
ders are now holding prayer meetings in
the saloon, and the converted man is
looking for nice corner place, where
business will be good. to open afresh.-
IN. Y. Telegram.
Exploring waist places" said John
Henry, as he put his arm around the
pretty chambermaid. Navigation of
the air" said Mrs. Henry, overnearing
him, and sailing into his raven curls.-
cincinnati Times.
An exchange says: Angular alco-
hor is the Inter-Ocean's latest way of
putting it" The latest way a large ma
jority of Western editors have Of putting
it is putting it down their throats.-
Norristown Herald.
The majority OF pins found in the
sweepings from the Dresden Union
School house are bent in peculiar fash
ion, suggesting a sudden. ascent of pupils
about to occupy the recitation seats
Dresden Doings.
Why should the beehive be taken as a
symbol of industry Not a bee is to be
seen all the Winter long while the cock
roach is up at FIVE o'clock in the morn
ing, and never goes to bed till midnight.
Let's change this thing
What do you mean, you little rascal p
exclaimed an individual to an impudent
youth who had seized him by the nose
on the street. ."Oh, nothing-only am
going out to seek my fortune, and my
father told me to seize hold of the first
thing that turned up.
A rural editor, wishing to be severe
upon an exchange, remarks: THE sub
scriber of the -- in this place tried.
few days ago, to carry home some lard
in a copy of that paper; but, on reaching
home, found that the concentrated lie
had changed it to soap"
A citizen of Macon, Ca, who kept up
his New Years calls until after dark,
says that dog on the front stoop is a
very poo- substitute for door mat He
doesn't remember whether he sat down
on the substitute or not, but his panta-
looms seem to be somewhat worn behind.
When a boy has been off all day, con-
trary to the expressed wish of his moth
er, and on approaching the homestead at
night, with an anxious and cautious
tread, finds company at tea, the express
sion of confidence and rectitude which
suddenly lights up his face cannot be re-
produced on canvas.
A Lebanon county editor has con-
structed printing machine which "will
set type, feed papers, and fold them
ready for the carriers" He is now con-
triving an attachment to write editorials,
collect subscriptions, and pay all bills
presented; but it is feared he will not
succeed Norristown Herald.
Children" said country minister,
auuTesslHg u Sunuay SCHOOL, w ny are
we like flowers? What do we have that
flowers haveY And small boy in the
infant class, whose breath smelled of
vermifuge, rose up and made reply,
Worms, and the minister crept under
the pulpit chair to hide his emotion.
Mr.. Lincoln used to tell in his inimita-
Bile way story of a Winchester con-
verted Confederate, who was so overjoyed
at receiving his pardon that he exclaim-
ed Thank you, Mr.. President, thank
you Now I'm pardoned, | s'pose I'm as
good Union man as any of you-em-
phatically one of you again. But didn't
Stonewall Jackson give us hell in the
valleyT
A young gentleman got neatly out of a
fine scrape with his intended. She taxed
him with having kissed two young ladies
at some party at which she was not pres
ent. He owned up to it, but said that
their united ages only made twenty-one.
The simple-minded girl thought Of ten
and eleven, so laughed off her pout. He
did not explain that one was nineteen
and the other two years of age. Wasn't