The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1876-09-29
Hth and Point.

THE Boston Herald printed an item
about "bold sneak thief"
IT il now supposed that Abraham
was the original base ball player, as the
Scriptures say that he pitched in tho
wilderness.
"WHERE is the east 2" inquired tutOr
one day of very little pupil. Where
the morning comes FROM" was tho
prompt and pleasant answer.
WHEN a cannibal gormand goes to q
native restaurant for a dish of missionary,
he uses the words OF an old hymn and
calls for "Servant of God-well done"
HAMID The cares of state, the new Sui
tan of Turkey should not forget that it
is to scissors and rum he owes his ex-
altation he must Abdul perceptions if
he doesn't Chicago Times.
"DoEs our constant chatter disturb
you 2" asked one of three talkative Ia
dies of O per-looking fellow passenger.
"No, ma'am I've been married nigh
on to thirty years, was the reply.
A SCIENTIFIC writer says every infant
can say "no" several months before n
can say eyes" An old bachelor who
this habit of saying "no" before ahe
can say Eyes clings to the female in
FAINT until after she becomes 27 years old.
A YOUNG gentleman, after having for
some time paid his addresses to lady,
popped the question. The lady, in q
frightened manner, said: "You scare
me, SIR" The gentleman did not wish
to frighten the lady, and consequently
remained silent for some time, when she
exclaimed, Z" Scare me again.
THE following was copied literally
from an old tombstone in Scotland:
Here lies the body OF Alexander M'Pherson,
Who was q very extraordinary person,
Who was two yards in his stocking feet,
And kept his accoutrements clean and neat.
He slew
At the battle Of Waterloo,
Plump through
The gulet it went in at his throat,
And came out at the back Of his coat"
A COUNTY treasurer in Ohio named
Krustt is "short in his accounts, and
his friends doughn't know where he is.
He was always considered pie-ous man,
too. NorriStoWn Herald. He's prob
ably just taking a loaf round, and will
be back when he is kneaded. Possibly
he's taken yeasterly direction. -PhiLG-
delphia Bulletin.
A TAILOR and his son were in the
olden days doing days work at O farm
house. The prudent housewife, to Be-
cure good days work, lighted candles
when daylight began to fade. The
tailor looked to his son and said, Jock,
confound them that invented workin'by
candle-licht." cay" replied young
snip, cor DAYLIGHT, either, father"
AT brilliant church wedding some
of the ushers showed some very worthy
but socially obscure people into good
seats in the middle aisle. As soon as he
discovered it the sexton fastened to the
usher and exclaimed: "Did you give
the-'s that seat9" eyes" "What
on earth did you do that for Did you not
know that they were only side-aisJe
trash ?"-BOston Journal.
The other morning hungry looking
man was bothering the melon dealers at
the City Hall Market to find him five
cent melon. One OF the dealers became
annoyed at the strangers persistency
and called out: "Why don't You in
vest fifteen or twenty cents in nice
melon and take it home 2" "T
will at once tell you why I DON'T"
was the soft reply. 81 should kinder
hate to take melon home and sit down
and eat up all before my wife and chill
1ren. Seems to me it would be kinder
hoggish not to give them all piece
around, and 30 will buy one and eat it
here" "And I hope the seeds will
choke you'll" shouted the dealer.
"But they won't. 1 am always very
careful to spit 'em out "-Ffee Press.