Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1876-03-18
|Weeklg gatellieenfer,
FAOETIE.

the figures OF some women arc 10y W
ceptive, to say the least.-CDetrolt Eve
News.
There are 1926 idiots in the United
States. There were 24,527, but lear
oeant Bates is In Canada now.-lDetrolt
Eve. News.
Women do more head work than men;
that is, it takes some women Jour hours
to do up their hair for an evening party,
while a good smart man a DO ms up
in three hours and fifty seconds, easy
[Danbury News.
The recent trial. in st. Louis has brought
out the story of the old Frenchman who
had been tried for theft and Acquired.
As often as his offense was thrown up
to him he would reply: ''Ze pepee (tne
people) he say yes but ze court house
he say no. Aha! By gar"
The Rochester Express expression"
mar expresses himself thus: .'OsWego
has a man named Schilling, who IS (,
worth a sixpence." Yes, but it he should
get hold o fyou he'd give you many q
pound.-Oswego Palladium. n tnen
how you dollar and be penny-tent'e N
ICommercial Advertiser
s.Have you children?" demanded .
house renter. eyes," replied the other
solemnly: ..six-an in the cemetery"
.Better there than here," said thel land
lord consolingly, and proceeded to exc
cute the desired lease. In u Time tne
children returned from the cemetery,
whittier thew had been sent to have q
nice play; but it was too late 70 anhoi
the contract.
A little darkey fell overheard from q
packet at Vicksburg, and was rescued
in a drowning condition, when ne coulo
easily have been pulled out by = Negro
in a skiff. One of the bystanders swore
Justify at the owner of the skill ior ms
lethargy, when he replied: t'Dls yere
is nv last paper collar, and de boy was
kicking water like an alligator
A lawyer from the country once en-,
tered the Court of Appeals while Daniel
Lord, Jr., of New York, was arguing .
case, and inquired of Mr.. Chas. OConor,
who was sitting near by, "who that was
addressing the courtP' Mr.. ONConor.
whose feeling must have been nettled by
the course of the argument, replied:
ssThat is Daniel Lord. Jr.; and he puts
the Junior after his name so he may not
be mistaken for the Almighty" o,
The following story is told In Wash.
ington of the late Senator Salisbury, OF
Delaware. The Senator had the repu-
tatiou. during the late years of his sena-
torial term, Of imbibing very freely, and
it IS told of him that he was accustomed
to have two cocktails carried to his room
in the morning before he rose, and when
asked BY a friend why he had two
cocktails, he replied, that after taking
one he felt like another man, and thought
it would be mean not to treat that other
man.
"Youne ladies have the privilege of
saying anything they please during leap
year." she said, cycling him out OF the
corner of her eyes with a sweet look.
His heart gave a great bound, and
while he wondered if she was agoing to
ask the question which he had so long
desired and feared to do. he answered,
eyes"
.And the young men must not refuse
said she.
e.No, no . how could they?" sighed he,
"WeIl. then" said she, will you"
He fell on his knees and said: "Any'
thing, anything you ask, darling" ,
s.Wait till I get through. Will yor
take a walk, and not hang around oul
house so much?"
And he walked-Eoil City Derrick.
A few days ago a gentleman was
riding through the barrens in the east
ern part of Cannon county, when hs
overlook a sandy-haired, tr~sckled-faced
slab-sided native, and the following con
yersation took place.
s.Hello! mister, where'd you CONF
from Pn
s.From Manchester"
els Court broke there YETI"
81 suppose so" ~
Ibid they do anything about this ye
dog law business ?"
Il don't know. Why?"
..Kase they say our County Court
when it meets at Woodbury., is gwine t.
mend it, or 'bolish it, or semethin'. Wis
they would. Dogs is better'n sheep
anyhow"
ACentennialSw Scientifically Argus
She was red-headed and freckled, an
stepped into the witness stand with
masculine frmness of tread that Susa
B Anthony might have envied. Whe
the clerk handed her the Holy Book t
be sworn she hesitated q moment, an
broke out:
CANT this the Centennial veal
Judge?"
you've guessed it the first time" re
piled his Honor.
"And amt 1 a patriot !" she continued
pitching her voice into the ninetles.
..Ihope so. madam" said the judge
.Well, then, you can't swear me Q
anything but Washington's family bib!
this year"
they had to take her affirmation.
A recently made Benedict writes
follows concerning his young wife
habits: ssIfthere was a bedroom a mi
long. and the entire wardrobe could
packed in a band-bex, you'd find portion
of that wardrobe scattered along tt
whole mile of dressing room. She's
nice thing to look at when put togethe
but this wonderful creature is evolve
from a chaos interminable of pins, rI
bons, rags, powder, thread. brushe
combs and laces. IF there were sew
thousand drawers in your room, and "
asked but for n to be kept sacred al
i~nviolate for your own private use, th
particular one would be full of hair-pir
ribbons and soiled cuffs. Some prov
ion, some protection in this matter, sheu
be made by Congress during this sessio
if it gives such matters any conside
ation.''
A young girl, about as pretty as tn
grow 'em, went into a Cedar Rapi
music store and asked the clerk,
quiringly, If he had "a Heart that Low
Ne Onlv?n s.No," he said, s'but her
"A Health to Thee, Mary" II