The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1876-11-18
VARIETY.

-
VARIETY.
why does locomotive never sit down BE
cause it has a tender behind.
When n women throws n brickbat the grea
problem seems to be, not how to hit the mark
but how TO avoid knocking her brains out with hel
. elbow.
Baron Bramwell, at the Liverpool Assizes re
Gently, expressed hope that actions for breach
of promise would be abolished, that men need
not be goaded into marrying women they did not
like.
woman has spread dismay among her fash
ionable Newburyport relatives by appearing
among them wearing the same bonnet she wore
when she married and went to Texas % years
ago.
Somebody having stated that the Woman g
Pavilion ut the Centennial is allowed to get very
dirty, the Rochester Democrat asks in indignant
tones if one can strike for freedom and do house
work ut the same time.
Don Carlos, the distinguished fugitive from
Spanish Justice, has been in Washington lately
and he says he tell this is great and glor
Ious country, from the number of empty bottles
lying around.-BrOoklyn Argus.
The sexton of parish church in County Ar
magh was about to lose his wife. She begged
him to bury her in Tyrone, among her own kin
dred. forty miles away. SO Indeed, Peggy said
he, . Ill bury ye here first; but if ye give ony
trouble I'll take ye up and bury ye in Tyrone"
An Indiana youngster was reciting her Sunday
school lesson, which was about Solomon and the
Queen of Sheba % What did the Queen bring
to Solomon asked the teacher. Costly gifts
was the answer. 90 What did Solomon show
her?'' 90 His wisdom and his breeches,'
the startling reply. The answer on the lesson
paper read: '' His wisdom and his riches"
D.LcI SSoo,,or Io,, bis bopoyn,oon, % Torry
nv wife and have both noticed that the towns
people stare at us very hard. | hope you haven't
been telling anybody that are newly mar
ried?' Larry (the faithful factotum): I" Me tell
ordhers? Why, whinever anybody thryed to
pnmp me, sor, olive towled 'em you wasn't mar
ried at all ~
He wanted her, but she would not give her
consent until he had consulted her parents. So
he went into the room where they were and mod
estly stated the case.
'i And you really think you love her enough to
marry her?'' said the father after he had fin
ished.
"Oh, YES, sir - said the youth, in fervent
eagerness % love her with al my soul. love
her better than 1 do my life. She is my guiding
star, the worshipped object OF my every thought
oyery hope, every aspiration
He stood there with clasped hands, his face
radiant with the strength OF his devotion. There
was q moment of pause, and then the mother
softly asked;
nWhat do Won think of that old man ?''
90 That sounds like business, old woman re-
piled the satisfied father.
And SO it was arranged that the daughter
should accept her suitor.
PARTICULAR ABOUT A WiFE-A man entered
the Chicago Tribune office and left the following
advertisement;
PERsOSAL.-The advertiser desires make the
acquaintance of lady of refinement and good
= i0h md oh
I36 pounds; bust measure, 80 inches; waist
measure, 2S5 inches size of boot, 81; ditto of
glove, 3l-6; complexion pronounced brunette,
deep hazel eyes, with view TO matrimony. Adj
dress w, l, 79S Tribune Office.
ssSeems to me you re mighty particular about
the size and kind of wife you want" observed
the advertising clerk. s'Well, perhaps / am,
but you see my wife died before had been
married long, and she hadn't begun to half wear
out her clothes, and her father gave her an
awful sight of 'em, so it seems to me kinder like
flying in the face of Providence when silk and
things is so dear and the country laboring in the
throes of financial convulson to take another
mate, and let the moths break through and rust
and corrupt all them duds. So just want q
wife to match them things
HoogIey's boy has been spending his Summer
vacation with his grandfather and grandmother
down East. He got home this week, and few
evenings ago, while sitting on the curbstone ad-
iusting a rag on his sore heel, he was telling
Squesky tone OF MS cnuIns) What good time he
had. The following is his story: '' I've got the
good boss grandmother for tellin stories, and
don't you forget it She is as much as 200
years old, with great, long chin, and her face
kinder looks like pork-scraps, but she's bully
old gal, and can't she tell some awful Injun /
stories. She says she's got three mattresses |
stuffed with lnjuns hair that my grandfather /
killed and scalped when he was young man.
All of my grandmother's pliers is stuffed with /
Ipun's hair, too, she says. My grandfather he's +
got an old aintloek gun that guess was made |
when Noer cum out in the ark My grandfather
used to shoot bears'n tigers,p eefunts'n CROKER
dies n all kinds of birds and everything NV /
grandfather shot his gun in a lion, or wolf one +
day. and the wolf crowned n run out Of the
woods'n run into nabers house'n swallered .
three little children. My grandfather he runs'n
grabbed the VIOLIN skinned HMM saved the
children fore they ct up. Piruts used to sail
up the river in front of grandfathers house'n
they used to rob folks and murderem and get
mummy sometimes and berry the gold in cave.
Ny grandmother was all alone one day and some
pruts cum and set the house afire, and my grand
mother throw'd bilin' water on the piruts, and
left four millions of gold and run of. You ought
to see my grandmother and hear her tell thingsl''