, 1876-01-02

! hR tho nights begin to langthen, tbs gns-bilis
| begin to strengthen.
| Why is man who makes additions to false
r,,mora like one who has confidence IN all that
| Il. told him? Because he relea On all that he
| hears.
Kind Hostess ,'.acourneingly): .'Now, Mr..
Spoonbil, I'm sure vou want vls-a-Tis z: Spoon
| bill (oh. SO youngD: mo, thank you, I'd rather
uot-Ive just had a bun"
There had been light fall Of snow. and. aa
=, she pressed her nose against the Fiudo"-pano,
and watched him shvins around the coal-ho!o-
! covers, she knew TINT some time in tho dim past
that mans confidence lad been shaken.
! Tho mercury stood degrees below zero out
iii when Jones feeinsly remarked. II wouldn't
turn dog awaG tonight. Brown; would rou?'
"W-well, no." replied Brown. heBitating1y /;
sat least not If he was worth anything"
4 rural editor, wishing to be severe upon IN
exchange, remarks: The subscriber Of the
- In this place tried, fow DAYS ago, to carry
homo somo lard in q copy OF that paper; but.
On reaching home, found that the concentrated
lie had changed it to soa2."
"Can you calculate interest" ?" asked tue
Judge Of person called as d juror IN the Cir
" replied: ''Yes, sir, think can when I hear
the evidence" ue was. q little nonplussed on
being asked to stand ASIDE.
"Nhat can you say Of the second law o
thought?" Student: at cannot both be md
not be. For example, she door over there must
be either 6hut Or open; it cant bo both shut
and OPEN" Tutor: " Give another illustration"
Student: ''We, take the case Of another door,"
"John," said AIRS. Smith, "what smell ia
that p "CIoses.'' But that other smell?"
'4Alspice." But isn't there auother p t. Yes
apples." " And Just one more ?" "Cider, my
dear" ''Weli, john" said she, "if you'd only
drink little brandy nov, you'd make good
mlnce pie"
's1arch of Refinement" 1s75-Brown Do-:
Of fare, waiter" Head Waiter: :. Deg pardon:
sir !" brown: Tile bill OF fare" Head
Waiter: "The what, sir? Ol-ah?-Tes Ito
Bubordinate)- -Chawles, bring -this-gentle-
mau-the Meno0 F'-Pnnct.
4 New London connolsaeur OF liquor, under
standing that rum improved by be1ug sent TO
sea- intrusted cask to AL old Captain, who did
not return for three years, when tho New-Lon-
donita found that all Lie rum lad been absorbed.
Aaectlonately EeiZinS the sailors hand. he
naively gave than1s. asking: "Can ever for
get your goodness in bringing back my cask2
Never, never!'
a witty, popular, ana learned Lord on the
northern side OF tho Tweed tells story OF
Scotch wife. shortly after the nuptia1-knot had
been tied, mildly expostuIating With her husband
for indulginX III Two tuuloiera Of whlsky-todds
Just before going to bed. ''3ly dear Agnes,
glass O. whisky~toady makes anither man o me-"
but. nv dear William. sou take two" AZ.
Agnes. that gangs to tho ither man.
"suppose." said brow -beatins Clarlnda Ia.)
lawyer to witness he WAS trying to badger. one
day last week, ..sappose Ehoa.d tell cou that
could bring 4 dozen men OF yuur town to TINS
courtroom who would cay they would not be-
lieve yUn on oath. What would yon say: ana
ca u1ly the witne+s made his reply: II would
say you led" 4 geutle smile diHused itself all
over the COURTROOM. like limp OF butter on
hot cake, and the uDrunied witness stepped
down.