davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

A DANBURY man put pair of nine
dollar shoes in the stove oven TO dry, the
other night. There was not much fire
in the stove and so he closed the oven
door. The next morning he built fire
without thought Of the shoes, and ii
was not uutil all hour later that they oc-
CURED to him. They were ruined then.
The sole5 were turned up in playful
manner, and the uppers resembled some
what the coast of Maine. lie didn't say
word. Sadly and silently he was re-
moving them with shovel, when his
wife came in, and saw at glance what
had happened.
Well, that's just like a man !" she in
discreetly exclaimed. "Why didn't you
have sense enough to look into the oven
before you started the fire ?"
He hadn't said single word of his loss.
But now he spoke 4" Gosh dun my eyes
if I'll ever build another fire !"
And he is keeping his word. When
aCiH woman learn wisdom?
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
A PAROXYSMAL DRINK.

A man with an ugly light in his eyes
entered saloon on Congress street yes
terday. The bartender slid in behind
the counter and smiled at prospective
profits, put the stranger waved his hand
and said 81 want none Of your vile
decoctons. Mix me something TO sooth
my raging thoughts !"
"Gin and sugtr ?" insinuated the sa-
loonist.
"Do you want to make volcano of
me ?" inquired the stranger. 81 want
something as soothing to my tumultuous
thoughts as mothers lullaby song to
the weary child"
"Take milk punch ~
81 want to be soothed, l tell you "
whooped the man.
take a tom and jerry ?"
Would tom and jerry drive away
these wild, raging, terrible thoughts ?''
81 think it would" replied the bar
tender, and he mixed one. He made ii
unusually good, and the man slipped ii
with great salts faction, and exclaimed
"Ah that soothes me-that does me
good-that turns my raging thoughts in
TO dreams of ecstatic bliss ~
AS he wiped his mouth on the back o.
his hand, the bartender said
Change, please"
Yes, that changed me-" was the
reply.
81 want fifteen cents if you please
" For what ?"
" For that tom and jerry"
"Look out sir ! / an soo!hed now, and
don't get me raging again"
"Rage be hanged l want my pay
for that drink"
Look out for the reaction !" warned
the man. | am calm and peaceful now,
and | hope you won't bring back those
fendish thoughts which burned in my
heart as molten lava slips down the rug
ged sides Of Mount Versuvius ~
" You pay for that drink :"
" Now | rage again." yelled the man.
"Now that soothing influence has passed
away. Nothing on earth can soothe me
again"
He hit the bartender between the eyes,
tore down the stove, and would have
made a sad wreck Of things if the police
hadn't stopped him. lie was taken up
to the station and locked up. After about
three hours he called out. Pm sootheG
-I'm calm again" But they didn't let
him out.-DetrOH Free Press.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
THAT RVnnEn BVsTLE.

John Henry had sworn that il lie ever
caught that hustle lying about the room
again he would throw It out the window
lie was willing to admit that a woman
was the proper architect of her own e}e-
Natior, but be didn't propose TO have the
disagrecabe fact constantly force upon
him in such stern fashion, and to be sim
ply sneered at when lie demonstrated
So rs the window was open, ard his
wife was down stairs, and the coffee had
been bad at breakfast, he up with the
thing, and sung il out. He remembered,
Immediately after, that business would
be unusully pressing that morning, and
that he ought to get away as quickly as
possible.
As the shadows of afternoon lengthen-
ed, and his thoughts reverted to the home
TO which he must soon return, it occur
red to him that perhaps he had been a
little too hasty.
Women are sometimes slow of compre-
bension, and perhaps it would have been
better to argue with her; to point ont &c
her again, in tender and persuasive
manner, the irritation il caused him
The more he revolved the subject, The
more it appeared to him that it might have
been mistake. AS it grew dark he put
on his hat and STATED homeward still
thinking. 1t flashed across his mind,
for an instant, with an intense sense OF
relief, to take dinner at the club and
spend the evening with the boys, SO that
he might get little time to think over
but his head sank again os he concluded
on a second thought, that perhaps il
would be just as well not to keep hel
waiting for him. 81 must cure that
stomachache, anyhow" said he, rs he en-
tered the first sample room and took a
brandy. hot. As he passed the corner of
FurrierS Co., he remembered having
heard his w.fe speak Of a seal-skin tur-
ban; so he stepped in and bought the
best one he could lind, for thirty dollars
Then, as he was nearing home his stom-
Rch troubled him again. and troubled
him three or four times. After that he
remembered that she liked peanuts, and
bought bag Of them, and some oranges,
and a box of French candy.
Still, the air seemed to be somewhat
heavy and oppressive, Us he tried in vain
to open the front door with his latch KEY,
and was finally forced TO ring the bell
Here, Shusan, tha's good girl
take these to your mistress and my com.
piiments. fiurr up, tha's good girl.
Yes, sir; plea sir, but mistress isn't
here, sir"
Sh', how's Mt Drive gray hairs
shrrow for grave ! Hash, hashee run
a-wharshee gone ?"
Please, sir, She told me to tell you as
she was very sorry, sir, but that she'd
got sudding words rs her aunt was very
sick, sir, and would you excuse her fol
going OF in such hurry like, sir, and
might be bacl, in three or four days, SIR
And, did she mish nothing 'lore she
went, Shusan ?"
Nothing ms knows Of, sir, and /
helped her d e 8, sir"
BY the Aiehering light Of the hall lamp
an expression Of intense, heavenly beati-
tude was seen to rest upon John Henry's
flushed countenance and Susan to Ills
day declares, in strict confidence to the
cook, that he kissed her right on the end
ofthe nose and waltzed her all around
the hall, yelling like mad. .-Atadamo
JOiDH0i
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
KzOUMISS.

The foreign medical journals are Civ
ing considerable prominence to the dis
cusion Of the utility of koumiss as rem
edy for that, now to all intents, incurable
disease, consumption. Ii is TO this pecu-
liar preparation that the Tartars attrib-
ute their total immunity from the disease;
and that this immunity has long since
been traced to koumiss by Russian, ply
sicians is proved By the fact that the
latter as frequently send consumptives to
regions where koumiss is constantly used
as the physicians in this country dis
patch their patients TO the orange or
chards Of Florida for the winter.
| Tho Tartars, above all other people cx-
eel in the manufacture. The material is
an alcoholic liquor produced by the fer
mentation Of mares milk. y certain
quantity Of the latter is placed in n wood
Ell vessel, and one-sixth of its amount in
water is added. A similar amount OF
cows milk is next poured in, and then
the receptacle is covered with n thick
cloth, snd either buried in the earth or
subjected to a moderate heat for a hours.
The mixture becomes sour, and :hicll
clots form on the surface, but these last
are agnin incorporated by brisk stirring,
which is continued until the liquor be-
comes homogeneous. Another "A hours
repose follows the liqnid is transferred
/ to higher and narrower vessel, and the
beating and stirring operation is continu.
ed. Iti is then ready for use, although
the stirring has to be done over again
every time the contents of the vessel arc
drawn upon after any period of rest.
The taste is agreeable, and of kind o
acid sweet A dose of something less
than quart is intoxicating, even to per
sons habituated to its use. 1t appears to
act on the faculties Of nutrition like alco-
hol and raw meat that is, it moderates
the consumptiye action of the disease
The patient gains in weight.
In the large cities of Europe, koumiss
has, in cases where large quantities ol
mares milk were unattainable, been
made Of cows milk alone, or mingled
with asses milk. TO use it as modi-
cine, it is bottled, and tube is forced
down through the stopper, as in the siph-
on jars, so much in use by mineral wa
ter makers, said tube having a suitable
faucet. The pressure of gas generated in
the bottle is always sufficient to drive out
the koumlss forcbly, so that it can be
drawn Off at pleasure, like artificial selt-
zer water Scientific Amel1c0n.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

l. Subscribers who do not give ex-
press notice to the contrary, are consider
ed as wishing to continue their subscrip-
ton.
.. If subscribers wish their papers dis
continued, publishers may continue to
send them until all charges are paid.
3. If fsubscribers neglect or refuse to
take their papers from the office or place
to which they are sent, they are held ro.
sponsible until they settle their bills and
give due notice to discontinue.
4. If subscribers move to other places
without informing the publisher, and the
paper is sent 20 the former direction they
are held responsible. Notice should al
ways be given OF the removal.
5. The courts have decided, that refus-
ing to take paper from the office, or re-
moving and leaving it uncalled fJr, is llf-
ma facie evidence Of Intentional fraud,
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

THE huge bronze ball which supports
the cross on top Of St. Peters cupola at
Rome can easily contain thirteen persons
at once. Ii Summer its exterior is as
hot as an oven, and in Winter it needs
no stove for the comfort Of visitors. La
dies have an awtully jolly time getting
in and out Of it by means Of ladder ;
and as general thing they prefer not to
follow, but to precede their gentlemen es-
corts in the decent. From the square be-
low the gilded ball looks about the size
of pumpkin. Americans generally go
for il
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
" FOuND.


A valuable watch, which the owner can
have by calling at this Office and describ-
ing the same"
Several mon called and described
what was according to their idea, a ''val-
liable watch" nearly all making it gold,
with a fire chain Of the same metal
Some set a number Of beautiful pieces OF
gold quartz into the links of the chain.
But 1t was "no :" not man came
anywhere near describing the watch.
At last little Frenchman came to the
window and said, "You find one yach,
Mistair Shaw ?"
Yes, sir" said Shaw. "Have you
lost watch ?'
Yes, sare, me have lose me one vach. ="
" Can you describe it 2"
"Oh, yes, sare, me can descripe him
ver' perfectly"
Wei, what was it like ~
My watch he was silver watch"
Very good. What kind Of cases ?"
"Vell, he have his face wide open."
w hat kind Of chain ?"
One leetle brass chain"
What kind ofkcy was on the chain ?"
"Vell, no key be on 70 shain. He
have no key at all. l wind him by re
tail"
The watch was stem. winder, and the
brenchmen had given perfect descrip-
ton Of it even down to "ze ail.-VYr-
gi'aia Enterprise.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

ALEXANDER studied the arts of elo-
quence under Anaximinos Of Lampsa-
Gus. When in aftertimes he had invested
that city with an army to destroy.it, he
spicd his old teacher approaching him
from the gate, and certain that he was
coming to plead for the safety of the city
be swore by the gods of Greece that he
would not grant his petition. This the
Old teacher heard, and instantly begged
Of him to destroy Lampsacus. Bound
BY his oath, and nicely caught by hls
old mastcr, tne great general struck his
tents and departed.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

WANTED ANOTHER TO BALANCE
Says the Detroit Free Press He was AZ
old bach 4lor and She a widow of mean.
and good looks. As they sat in the back
parlcr the other evening he noticed new
picture hanging up, and he adjusted his
glasses and remarked
"a new picture, eh p
Yes, my husbands monumeut," she
replied rs she laid her hand on his arm.
Don't you think was liberal And
if | only had another painting like it to
balance this big chrome in the center it
would just fnish out my groupr'
lie thinks he viii marry Il maiden
when he mnuics.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

Two travellers having been assigned to
the same bedroom in crowded hotel,
one of them, before retircing, knelt down
TO pray, and confessed aloud long
catalogue OF sins. On rising from
his knees he saw his fellow traveller, va
lise in hand, going out the door, and ex-
claimed WHATS the matter? ? What
up?" "Oh nothing" was the reply !;
"only I'm not going to risk myself with
sucna scamp as you confess yourselfto be.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

An indianapolis cat got to playing with
small turtle the other day, and was
having nice time tumbling it around,
when suddenly the turtles jaws closed on
the cats tail. There was some very live
ly tumbling then on the part of the cat,
to an accompaniment of her own selec-
ton. Two hours after she was seen ex-
amining that tail tenderly, evidently
wondering if the piece would grow out
again.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

TIE FRENCHMAN's WATCH.-A day
or two since Mr. Shaw, timekeeper OF
the Consolidated Virginia mine, found a
watch lying in the snow, where it had
evidently been dropped by some one
working. in or about the mine. Mr.
Shaw wrote notice to the following ef-
feet, posting it by the side OF the window
TO which the men came to- give in theil
names when going on or coming OIL theil
shifts
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

Ir is said that in Chicago ladies faint
away in church in order that other ladies
may have chance to inspect their jew.
elry and make sure that it did not come
from the dollar store.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

CHALLENGING lawyer to colored ju-
ryman in Clinton, La: Do you know
what verdict is ?" No, sah." "Did
you ever see one ?" No. sab neb-
Der was at show in my life"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

HER hand was first to reach and drag
The bottle from the shelf
. 1t is your curse, John DEAR" she said,
And drank it up herself.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11

BEFORE Turk gets married he asks
all good men to pray for him.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1876-03-11
NEW WEED
SEWING MACHINES.
THE LAST AND THE BEST.

The WEED Sewing Machine Company have
now at last completed their three Standard
Styles of
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
The Butter woman.

"Jennic June writes: On my
former visit to the Centennial the
"butter woman" as Mrs. Caroline
5. Brooks is called, who has
moulded so wonderful a female
head in butter, had not arrived
with her production. Now it is
on exhibition, and really the po-
etc beauty Of the sleeping face,
the naturalness OF the clustering
hair, the grace and sweetness OF
attitude and expression must be
seen to be understood or believ
ed. The subject is the "dreaming
Iolanthe," King Rene's daughter;
the same, but varied from the
one exhibited by this lady and
executed in the same material
two years ago, as the photographs
Of both show, but the second is
an advance upon the first.
Mrs. Brooks is a woman Of in
tercsting appearance, with large
liquid eyes, and looks somewhere
between the thirties and torties,
nearing, perhaps, the shadier side,
She is a farmers wife, and com
menced her manipulation in but
ter by making pretty and conf
cal figures, roses and "butter ba-
biesn for her childred, who are al
ways amused by mammals" skill
in creating anything, from little
pigs to men and women, out Of
dough, butter or anything mallea-
BILE.
"Will you not work in clayW
/ was sorry the moment | had
asked the question and thought
how impossible it was that the
answer should be in the afIirma-
tive, and how often she must have
been panied by having to answer
or evade it. How could a woman
with a home, husband and chill
dren, all needing her personal
care and attention, and having,
moreover, reached middle life
without the preparatory training
how could she enter upon and
meet the obstacles to an artistic
careerl Yetit seems more than
pity that such genius, for she has
genius, should not have had an
opportunity for cultivation and
development.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
A Change Not for the Bctter.

Cleveland W hcI'lh
The "hard times" argument
pressed by the Democrats
amounts to about this: Under a
Republican administration ''hard
times" have come. Matters can
not be worse than they now arc
and may be bettered by a change.
Therefore elect Il Democratic adj
ministration.
1t is true there are "hard times"
and that under a Republican ad-
ministration. But the good
times" Of plenty Of work and high
wages were under the same Re
publican administration. If the
"hard times are chargeable to the
Republicans why should they not
have the credit of good times"
If a change is all that is needed
to restore good times there is no
occasion TO change the politics Of
the administration for the pur-
pose.
Matters may be worse than they
are, land most certainly will be
worse should a change be made
to Democratic rule. Confidence
is a plant Of slow growth, and con
iidence is the one thing most nee
essary for the improvement of
business. a political revolution
such as Democrats seek would de
stroy confidence, embarrass bust
ness, and make the condition of
the working man worse than now
is. 1t would be the eXtinguish-
ment Of the light of a better day
now beginning to illumine the
sky.
The course Of the Democratic
party since its partial restoration
to power in Congress sufficiently |
indicates what would follow its
complete ascendancy. The tinan
ces Of the country would be the
sport Of men who have no settle
convictions and no sense Of re
sponsibility. The Treasury would |
be raided on by mob of raven
Gus eX-rebels to whom the ruin Of
the government would be a labor
of love as well as Of personal
profit, and they would be aided
by unscrupulous Northern men,
more selfish than patriotic. The
Offices would be filed with hun
cry leeches, whose only claim to
them is their blind partisanship.
The burden Of debt and taxation
would be increased to frightful
proportions, crushing the people
underits load, with the possible
alternative. of reputation and
consequent general ruin.
That would be a change, but
not for the better. 1t would be
such a change as the eels obtain
when they jump out ofthe frying
pan into the fire.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
DiSC0rd irl New York.

The dead lock between Tam
many and Anti.Tammany has not
beenkbroken nor will it be. Each
knows the size Of its own nav
and wants to take the bite and
leave the other the cherry. Anti
Tammany is already threatening
under its breath to unite with the
Republicans on local nomina.
tions, and sweep the city as it did
last Fall. This means tradin, and
Gov. 1'ilden is too shrewd a politi-
ton not to understand it. He
cannot carry New York if there is
discord in the local comp.--N. Y
Tribp8".
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
A wall for Hood.
Canton (Miss.) Mail.

NNilpl khIoN'j NUll'
We know ourrights and will de-
rend them. lit is treason to wal
against corruption; if it is treason
to advocate intelligent legislation
and administration Of laws; if it
is treason to resist tyranny, ignor-
ance, and oppressive rule robbery
and insult, then we glory i'll the
name Of traitors, ana ourenemies,
the Republican party, will have
their hands full for all time in
their endeavors to fasten the
yoke upon us, and it is beyond
human power to compute the re-
quisite number Of volumes to
hold the stories Of blood. and Vi
olence yet to be written.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
Hell Gatc.

It's an i'll wind, says an ancient
and gusty saw, that blows no one
good. Similarly, it may be said,
that it is a great Improvement
which does no harm. The blow
ing up Of He'll Gate may remove
an obstruction to navigation, but,
unless the Lord is mindful Of the
simple faith Of an elderly darkey
resident Of Che immediate neigh
borhood, the chicken crop is like
ly to suffer thereby. Says the
venerable Ethiopian; "Dars one
ting I'm 'fraid Of, do. lse got an
ole hen settin' on forteen eggs
jist round oh the corner OBJ de
fence dar, an | species the con
cushen II kill ebery blessed one
oh dem unborn chick'ns for shuah.
But I'll truss in dc Lord, for He
tempers de win to dc young
chick'ne."
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29

Democratic political ostracism
and prescription is rigid and un-
relenting in Kentucky. Of sever
al thousand Democratic State Of
ficers, probably not twenty serv.
ed in the Union army. The Union
Democrats, with very few excep-
tions, are left out in the cold; not
one will make his way to Con
gress, OF TO the senate.-Louisville
Commercial.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29
PENNSYLVANIA.
Conviction of Another Molly
MagMtre.

PoTrsyTLLE, Sept. 20.-The case
Of Thomas Duffy, another of the
Molly Mcguire conspirators, ac-
cused Of being accessory before
the fact to the murder Of police
man Iost, at Tamaqua, was given
to the jury at a late hour last
night. This morning a virdict of
guilty Of murder in the first de
gree" was returned. This is the
ninth conviction for murder of
members Of this organization,
five being already undersentence
OF death in this county and three
in Carbon county.
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29

The Democratic Congressional
Convention which met at lronton,
Missouri, last week, don't care a
cuss who knows that il prefers a
Southern Confederacy. The del.
egates called upon the band for
"Dixie,n and then gave three
cheers for JEFF. Davis. The plat
form laid down by one speaker
was that "no Union man or Union
soldier can be trusted as a Demo
crat.o
The weekly herald. [volume] (Cleveland, Tenn.) 1876-1888, 1876-09-29

The Indian Office at Washington
states thatin January last an or.
der was issued prohibiting The
sale Of arms to the Indians, and
that since then no complaint has
been made that the order was
violated. There may, no doubt,
have been Illegal traffic in arms,
but this the Government could
not wholly prevent. The Indian
Office should certainly have its
due.