The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-04-29
Wit and HunOr.
BIER gardens-cemeteries.

BIER gafQeQS-c6In6beTleS.
HEEINe mediums
WHAT animal comes down from the
clouds2 Rain, dear.
/ WHEN sweet oil is put into castor
does it become castor oil2
WHAT is that which, by losing an eye,
has only nose left? A noise.
PARTY ties-those little white chokers
worn by blonde gentlemen who part their
hair in the middle.
Mr.. SpNKs is not going to do any
more in conundrms. He asked his wife
why he was like donkey, and she said
because he was born SO. He says the
answer is very different from that.
PATIENT to doctors, after consultation:
"Ten me the worst, gentlemen. Am l
going to dieY" Doctors: "We are d.
vided on that question, sir. But there
is a majority of one that you will live"
AT printers festival lately the follow
ing toast was offered: Woman: second
only to the press in the disseminating of
newsl" The ladies are yet undecided
whether to regard this as compliment
or not.
HIS Honor of the Police Court wanted
to use q boy as witness the other day,
and he inquired Club, do you know
what an oath is?" eyes, sir" replied
the boy, ''father's used 'em ever since l
can remember l"-DetrOit Free Press.
A NEWSPAPER out West thus heads its
report of a fire: "Feast of the Fire
Fiend-The Forked- -Tongued Demon
Licks with its Lurid Breath a Lumber
Pile Are the Scenes of Boston and
Chicago to be Repeated 9-Loss $50. ."
A MAN named Dasgett, after warning
everybody by advertisement in the
Hartford Times not to trust Mrs. D.,
burst into poetry as follows:
Happy day when I got home,
Happy day and found her gone!
SHE is a perfect Amazon" said a pu-
pill in one of our schools of his teacher
yesterday, to companion. Yes,
said the other, who was better versed In
geography than history; 81 noticed she
had an awful big mouth"
A MARRIED lady was complaining to a
widow of her husbands cruel ISLANDERS
upon her, when the widow grimly re-
piled: "Pve had three husbands, and
not one of them lives to say word
against me. Dead husbands tell no
tales.
A GIRL screamed in a lecture audience
in Lafayette, Oregon. Then all the
other girls screamed. General conster-
nation ensued, and rush for the doors.
People were bruised, clothes torn, and
the room at length was emptied. The
first screamer had seen rat-a real one.
JoURNA11sr1c-Scene: A sub-editor's
room. Sub-editor has evidently been
dining. Small boy from irate proprie-
tor)-"Mr, Macfnigan wants to see you
: Immediately, SIR" "Tell him I'm out. y
Small boy-I told him that, sir, and he
said I was to go and find you" Sub (af.
ter deliberation)-"Wen go and find
me. Punch.
SOMETHING always happens to spoil
, any great speech which Detroiter may
, try to get off. Yesterday among the peo-
4 pie at the ferry dock to see the ice SWEEP
! BY was lcng-haired, profound looking
: man, whose soul took in all the grandeur
!, of the scene. He had Just raised his arm
and commenced: Chow puny is maj
compared to nature and her" when {
, warehouse clerk rolled barrel of beam
:. against his legs, and the long. haired mai
q sat down on his plug hat, which was ly
ing on the dock. He wouldn't even bt
= spectator any longer.-Detroit Free
n Press.
s ONE of the late New York illustrated
). humorous papers has an irresistible cut
e This is the scene: An old gentleman /
't walking in his garden. Presently tn
y milkman comes along outside the hlg
! / garden wall and gives his customary yell
!. Old gentleman hears something, but be
Is s ing very deaf, is unable to make out jus
a what is wanted; so he puts his ear trun
/ / pet in place, and elevating the bell-en
20 of it over the wall, exclaims, Here
le Milkman takes it for dish, empties tt
at quart of milk into the old gentleman
n n ear, and goes on about his business.