Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-12-16
MARK TWAIN AT NIAGARA,

structures in the world. / have beer
visiting this favorite watering-place
recently for the first time, and was
well pleased.
A gentleman who was with me said
it was customary TO be disappointed
in the Falls, but that subsequent
visits were sure to set that all right
He said it was so with him. He said
that the first time he went hack fares
were so much higher than the Falls
that the Falls appeared insignificant.
But this is all regulated now.
The hackmen have been tanned
numbered, and placarded and black
guarded, and brought into subjection
to the law, and dosed with moral
principle till they are meek as mis-
sionaries.
They are divided into two clans
now, the Regulars and the Priva-
teers, and employ their idle time in
warning the people against each
other. The Regulars are under the
hotel banners, and the Privateers
prowl darkly on the neutral ground
and pick off stragglers at half price
But there are no more outrages
and extortions. That sort of thing
cured itself. 1t made the Falls un-
popular by getting into the newspa,
pers, and whenever a public evil
achieves that sort of success for it
self its days are numbered.
1t became apparent that either the
Falls had to be discontinued, or the
hackmen had to subslde. They could
not dam the Falls, so they did the
hackmen. One can be comfortable
and happy there now.
Idrank up most of the American
Falls before learned that the waters
were not considered medicinal. Why
are people left in ignorance this wayi
| might have gone on and ruined a
fine property merely for the want OF
little information.
And yet the sources OF informa,
tion are not meager at Niagara Falls.
You are sometimes in doubt what
YOU ought to do, but you are seldom
in doubt concerning what you must
do. If an infant can read, that in
FAINT is measurable safe in Niagara
If You room at the hotel you will
find your course marked out in the
most convenient way, by means oi
placards on the wall like these:
Pull the bell-rope gently, but don't
jerk"
"Bolt your door,"
'Don't scrape matches on the walls
or furniture"
"Turn off your gas when you re-
tire"
"Tie up your dog"
.If you put your boots outside the
door they will be BACKED, but the
house will not be responsible fol
their return" :"
This is a confusing and tangle
some proposition, because it moves
YOU to deliberate long and painfully
as to whether 1t will really be any OBJ
iect to you to have your boots black
ed unless they are returned.
sGive your key to the omnibus
driver if you forget and carry it of
with you"
Outside the hotel, wherever yor
wander, you are intelligently assisted
by the signs. You can not come tt
grief as long as you are in your righ
mind, with so many Instructions tt
keep track of.
For instance:
''Keep off the grass"
Don't climb the trees"
"Hands off the vegetables"
"Don't hitch your horse to tn
shrubbery."
"Visit the Cave of the Winds"
"Have your portrait taken in you
carriage"
"Forty per cent. in gold levied OF
all peanuts and other Indian curiosI
ties purchased in Canada
photographs of the Falls takel
here"
"Visitors will please notify tn
Superintendent of any neglect on tn
part of employees to charge for com
modities." mo inattention of thi
kind is observed.
"Don't throw stones down; ther
might be people below" "The pre-
prietors will not be responsible 70
parties who jump over the Falls.
More Sinking of responsibility
appears to be the prevailing thin
here.)
Ialways had a high regard for tn
signers of the Declaration of Indt
: pendence, but now they do not rea
4 ly seem to amount to much alon
with thesigners of Niagara Falls.
To tell the truth, the multitudes