Daily Kennebec journal. [microfilm reel] (Augusta, Me.) 1870-1975, 1875-04-03
Mistellal,eoMs.
A COAX" BY ARTEMUS WARD.

The "Elat Contributor y in some recOl-
lections of Artemus Ward, tells the follow
ing story:
In the spring of 1859 l accepted prof.
fered editorial position on the Cleveland
National Democrat, and renewed my ac-
quaintance with Artemus.
On the first evening of arrival he volun-
teered to show me arOund-a very desir-
able achievement, as | was to fill the posi-
ton of city editor.
He 'showed me around" so successfully
that about two O'Clock in the morning
began to feel almost as much at home in
Cleveland as if | had lived there all my
days, to say nothing of my nights. Arte-
mus invited me to share his bed with him
orr the remainder of the night, and ac-
cepted.
Adjoining his room lodged young pro-
fessor of elocution, who was endeavoring
to establish school in Cleveland. He
was just starting out in business, and was
naturally desirous to propitiate the press.
Lets get the professor up" said Arte-
mus, land have him crate for u.s."
demonstrated with him, reminded him
of the lateness of the hour; that l wasn't
acquainted with the professor, and all that;
but to no purpose.
~
public men are glad to meet representa-
tives eof the press, as restaurants are
supposed to get up warm meals at all
hours
He gave laundering rap on the door,
as he shouted: "Professor-r-rr
who's there What yee want ?" cried
muflled voice. evidently beneath the bed
clothes. for it was bitter cold night in
February.
''It is | Brown of the Plain Dealer"
said Artemus, and, nudging me gently in
the ribs. he whispered. "That'll fetch him.
The power of the press is invincible. 1t is
the Archimedean lever which,"
His remarks were interrupted by the
opening of the door, and l could just dis
cover the dim outline Of shirtcd form
shivering in the doorway.
"Excuse me for disturbing you, Profess
Or" said Artemus in his blandest manner,
"but am anxious to introduce to you my
friend here, the new local of the Demo-
crat. He has heard much of you. and de-
clares positively he can't 60 to bed until
he hears you elocute."
Hears me what?" asked the Professor
between his chattering teeth.
'lIears you elocute,-recite .-declaim
Understand ? Specimen of your elocu-
tion.n
In vain did the Professor plead the late
ness of the hour, and his fire had gone
out. Artemus would accept no excuse.
Permit me at least" urged the profess
sor, "to put on some clothes and to light
the gas"
Not at all necessary. Eloquence, my
dear boy, is not dependent on gas. Here"
(straightening up q chair he had just
tumbled over), "get right up on this chair,
and give us The boy stood on the burn
ing deck" adding in side whisper in
my ear, The burning deck will warm
him up
Gently, yet firmly, did Artemus boost
the reluctant professor upon the chair,
protesting that no apologies were neces-
sary for his appearance, and assuring him
that "clothes didn't make the man."
although the shivering disciple of Demos
themes and Cicero probably thought that
clothes would make man more comfor-
table on such night as that.
He gave us "Casabianca," with good
many quavers of the voice, as he stood
quakng in a single short, white garment;
and then followed, "On Linden when the
sun was low" Sword of Bunker Hill,n
etc, "by particular request of friend.'
as Artemus Ward said, although | was too
nearly sufiocatcd by repressed laughter to
make even last dying request had it been
necessary, Ii was too ludicrous to depict
the professor, an indistinct white object.
standing on the chair "elocuting," rs
Ward had it, and we sitting on the floor
holding our sides, while A. w. would
faintiy whisper between his pangs Of mirth.
just hear him.
1t wasn't in Wards heart to have his
fun at the expense of another without
recompense; so next day | remember.
he published a lengthy and entirely seri-
GUS account of our visit to the professors
room, spoke of his wonderful powers as
an elocutionist. and expressed the salts.
faction and delight with which we listened
to his "unequa)led recitations."
The professor was overjoyed, and prob
ably is ignorant TO this day that Artemus
was "playinU it on him.