The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-07-05

|
Bender.
/ Doesticks and Artemas Ward.
In 1862 Doesticks and Artemas War
were in Washington. Artemas was the
4 writing his Baldinsville- articles, o.
pheus 9. Kerr was writing his hospita
papers, Charles S. Halpine was writin
his Miles O'Reilly war criticisms, an,
Petroleum V. Nasty was writing his in
imitable four corners dialect satires
Each was at the meridian of his glory
| except poor Doesticks, who was passing
behind the cloud which finally obscure(
him.
Artemas had one practical joke wnicl
he delighted to perpetrate on every 90
casion, and which l have forgotten Il
use in my recent biography of the genia
Snowman. That joke was to rush up be
hind some old fellow, slap him on thu
back, grasp him by the hand, and gree
him with the most cordial chow are you
GeorgeW and then apologize to the sur
old friend, George Munson.
Well, one night in 1862 it was my for
tune to go into Hammock's old saloon
opposite the Treasury Department, III
Washington, with Doesticks and Arte,
mas. In the back end OF the saloon, ul
five or six stairs, sat an old Maryland
farmer-just the kind OF an honest, un.
suspecting looking old fellow as Arte.
mas always liked to strike for his recog.
milton joke. Doesticks saw the old
farmer, and, telling me to stay in the
front part OF the saloon with ARENAS,
out of sight of the old man, he went back
himself to the farmer and perpetrated
Arlemas' old joke on HIM. Rushing up
to the old countryman, slapplng him on
the back and graspiug him by the hand,
he sung out:
"How are you, George, old fellow
glad to see you-havn't seen you In an
age--how've you beenp how's the farm
how's-W
"You have the advantage of me,
stranger" interrupted the man in sur
prise.
SO! beg pardon, sir" exclaimed Doe.
sticks, in the humblest manner, 81 beg
ten thousand pardons, Sir. l took you
for my old friend, George Munson,
but
"All right, sir-mistakes will happen
we're all liable to mistakes" says the
stranger, and then DoeSticks came back
and joined US, while the old farmer went
on eating. Artemas was too busy TO no.
tice what Doesticks had done, and as Q.
/. X. Philander came back he sauntered up
to Artemas and said:
II say, Artemas, d'you see that old
farmer over there@
"What, the old man eating pumpkin
pie with his knife?'
"Yes," said Doesticks, bowling.
swell, he's good man to come your
recognition joke on; try IL, Artemasp
"All right, Mort" says Artemas. You
fellows STAN here am I'll show you tun.
III puzzle that OF farmer till he don't
know pum'kin pie from tripe."
Then Artemas walked along up the
steps toward him. AS he got alongs ide
Of the old farmer he gave u lurch and
grasped his hand violently with a
"How are you, George! God bless your
old bald head. How's oarah'n the chill
dren? How's-"
"Now, look here" shouted the farmer,
as he tipped over the table in his effort
to get up quick, "thaps twice your blum
dered round here. Now, you git!" and
he caught poor Artemas by the coat COL
lar and shook his fist in his face.
81 beg pardon, sir" stamnered d Arte-
mas. ~ took you for my old Ir4end,
George Mun--"
eyes, an that's twice you've took me
for your old friend George Munson, you
stupid idiot, you! D' you take me Tor a
d iool-do you? Oh! could LEX the
eyes out ofyou-you-you u--D and the
old farmer swayed his big fist in The air,
but Artemas slid "doWn and out" and
came back to Doesticks all ont of breath.
81 tried it, Mort" puifed Artemas, be-
tween his breath, but-the-darned-
old--fool got mad. He didn't--know
enough to take-the joke--al d"
"Why, Charley, you ought to have
known BETTER" said Doesticks, "wheu |
had just come that same joke on the
old man myself. You can't expect Il man
10 stand that joke over twice i'll ten min
utes, can your