The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1875-01-08
SALTER'S BOY.

The Chicago Tribune is the latest
journal to secure the services of a
''funny man." He belongs to the ranks
of the noble armyo of Danbury %imitators,
and some of his attempts at wit are ex-
tremely gauzy. Occasionally, however,
a real gem escapes from the point of
his pen, as instance the following:
Salter had a boy who was not worth
the starch in his shirt-collar to any one.
His name was Noble. He was appro-
priately named. He was q noble fraud.
Salter hired him for q 81 q week to
tend Office. He stayed with Salter just
half an hour, when he discharged him.
His discharge was summary. The boy
cam to the Office at 10 o'clock. Salter,
after telling him what there was to do,
went across the street to see a friend,
leaving the hoy busting the furniture.
After having quite q chat with his
friend, during which he had told him
that he had got a boy to work for him,
and that he hoped he conld leave the
office oftener now, he returned. He
had been gone just fourteen minutes
by the watch. it is astonishing how
much cussedness good health
boy can accomplish in fourteen
minutes. AS Salter approached the
door he heard a medley of indescriba-
BILE sounds within his office. He opened
the door, and there was that noble boy
flying around the room with the broom
after q strange cat. AS he entered, the
boy shouted, "Doggon it, boss, hurry
up and shut the door, or she'll get ont.
Oh Lord, can't she skin around,
thought" And, making a pass at the
cat with the broom, be smashed all the
glass out of the bookcase. Did Salter
get mad? Oh, no! He kept his tenn
per, but lie started for that boy, and
the boy, thinking that he was after the
cat, too, got more excited than ever,
and yelled: "There she goes, blast
her old hide. Head her Off, boss, head
her off! Oh, glory amt we having q
time :" and. making another pass at the
cat, he hit Salter on the head with the
broom, and, running against him, upset
him into d coal-scrttle and rushed on.
The cat making tho circuit of the
room before Salter had time to arise,
dashed across his outstretched body,
and ripped great gashes in his pants
and shirt-bosom with her claws, the
boy, following close after her, fell over
him. Picking himself up he sat down
TO take a rest, while the cat, hiding On
top of the bookcase, mewed piteously.
Then Salter arose. He did not let his
temper get the better of his Judgment,
but he was very pale, and trembled
~perceptibly. He reached for the boy.
He got a firm grip on his collar, and
started for the door. When he got out
side he placed that noble boy in front
Of him and kicked him clear out Of his
coat. Then he dragged him to the
stairs and pitched him down a flight of
ten steps, and then jumped down on
him. Then he plucked out a handful
of the boys hair, and tossed him out
on the walk. The boy picked himself
mp, gazed ~wistfully up the stairs, and.
while great tears of sorrow rolled down
his cheeks, he sighed, what a bully
time I could q had with that cat"
Salter has concluded that he a get
along until spring without a boy. He
has adopted the cat, and has posted up
notice to the effect that any boys
caught in the building will be shot on
sight.
IN NO