The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-09-18

The Chicago Times has the acquaintance of
young man who is so truly good that he viii
not bet on a game Of ball unless informed in ad
vance what the two captains have agreed what
the result shall be. Thus do good men prosper
in this wicked world
There is nothing more provoking to a sensi.
tive man than to pay $3.50 for pair Of black
kid gloves and then be bel.uled by a dog fight
until il Is too late to attend the funeral -BrOok
1YH 1rguS-
A Patchoguc woman Kept her mouth prcd
open for six hours IN order to cure a gum boil
and she hasn't been able to shut it since. Her
husband is a believer in special Providence
Brooklyn ArguS.
There is real good boy living over In West
Rome. He sits at the window and watches the
birds, and sings; There is rest for the weary
while his mother digs potatoes for dinner
Rome Sentinel.
II Il man wants 10 be mean and show his little.
ness he will build his garden fence SO high that
no neighbours COW can more than look over II
and feel her mouth water at sight of the cab.
bagcs.
Hereditary govt is disease of the mcancst
sort. Its victim suffers all the pains of irstclass
govt and is, at the same time, aggravated by
the thought that some old grandfather had all OF
the fun acquiring the heirloom.
The champion rose OF the world mas been
found in Santa Barbara, Cal, and is sixteen and
three -fourths inches In circumference. II /, OF
lemon color, possesses delicious fragrance, and
is a climber, growing upon ,rcllis
One Of the late zrphyrs in Minnesota ia re-
ported TO have blown two sheep into The top of
tree mile away from their grazing place. The
rest OF the flock had presence of mind enough TO
hold on to the grass by their teeth.
A Philadelphia man broke his leg trying to
get on tight boot. In the absence OF wife u
swear at, he resolved TO sue his shoemaker. Such
Is one OF the miseries of single life. No man
should wear tight boots unless he is married
man who professed 10 be a lawyer was ar.
rested this week for vagrancy. When the fact
became public every lawyer IN town purchased
a paper font and a pair Of ivory sleeve buttons
TO prevent the mistake occurring again.-.Hdt.
TOM Gdztctt.
W. II. II. Blackman, late one Of the editors OF
the New Haven Register, has taken charge " the
Providence Opera House. This shows that ell
newspaper men do not ultimately become cler.
gymen and foreign missionaries ne Is generally
supposed.-Nortriai Bulletin.
An Atlanta paper speaks Of a Georgian whose
soul is bigger than all his farms.' The fewer
men Of that sort the better. None Of US will BE-
wanting a hereafter II we are To be jostled and
crowded by a lot OF souls from Georgia, who will
require the space Of three plantations 10 turn
around n.-COari,T-JOHrRGl.
The jersey Herald answers 4 correspondent
and gives us very fair view Of a New Jersey fe
male tooth, both At the same time, ss follows
HARRISON BELLE-His request IS absurd. b,
ID means have one Of your teeth extracted e
make handle Tor his cane, no matter how i'm
fortunate be grows"
When Sioux City man gets the blues, he goei
down 10 the wharf Joins the "rouster gang
pitches into loading vessel for an hour, will
the rest Of the nigs-no, "rousters takes hii
City cents and goes home TO the bath-tub. The
experiment makes him 80 eontenied with hi,
own life that be Ieels suprenely happy for
month TO come.
A gentlemsn who has been making pedes.
TRAN tour Of Kentucky since the election, Gays