Marshall County Republican. (Plymouth, Ind.) 1856-1878, 1875-03-18
"GOING TO MARIA.O
4 Man Who Had Eridentiy Traccfed.
From the st. Joseph (Mo.> Herald.l

Il Nan Who Had Evidently Trdcefed.
[From the st. Joseph (do.> Herald.l
Just at this time there is a lively CO.'S
petition among railroad ticket agents To-
secure travel over their respective lines
Rates East have been cut, travel has IN
creased in consequence, and each West
ern road wants to have its full share
Yesterday a portly, pleasant looking
old gentleman came III ON the train from
the north, and started up Francis street,
carpet-sack in hand. He was evidently
a farmer, and probably belonged TO the
Changers. At this precise juncture L..
M. Dunn, Ticket Agent of the st. LouI4.
Kansas City and Northern Line, hap
pened to be glancing out of his window,
and saw the traveller and his carpet-sack.
He met him halfway between Long
Branch and the Pacific, and commenced
as follows:
"Going East, sir 2"
Eyes, was the reply.
'Ah Step right up to the UniSs
Ticket Office. Great through line, sir.
Land you in New York sixteen hours IN
advance of any other route. Finest
sleeping and dining cars in the world
Chickens three times a day, and beds
free from vermin. Butter on two plates,
and molasses all over the table. Come
right along, sir.
The innocent countrymar walked alone.
few steps, when Maj. J. B. Laughlip,
Ticket Agent of the Hannibal and st.
Joseph railroad, greeted him affection
ately with F.:
Going East, sir 2"
EYES," again.
"Glad to meet you. Step right intp
the Office. Shortest line by thirty thrso
miles and half to New York-put YOU
there nine hours ahead of any other
line. Finest eating houses in the world
Soup three times a day, and feas en-
PEELED from the sleepers daily. Come
In, sir"
Before the astonished countryfran
could recover from his bewildermeIft al.
these sudden and unexpected manifesto
tons of interest in his welfare, Dan
Mountain, of tie Kansas City, St
Joseph and Council Bluffs, tackled hiH
with
"Going East, sir p
"D-n it, yes !" (rather curtlya
I'm just the man you want to see
Come along with me. Office not on the
corner Best and shortest route by 8
long shot to any point. Put you through
in jiffy. Splendid sleepers, and cod
fish balls for breakfast. Conductors aH
of pious and respectable parentage, and
fires kept up constantly. Come along,
SIR
The unfortunate man was completely
dumbfounded. and before he oould re-
cover Laughlin had him by one ARM
Mountain by the other, while DUMB
chung tightly to the coat-tail, and he war
hustled into the Hannibal and St
Joe office, where another parley took
place.
"What point are you going to?" was
asked by three disinterested individuals
simultaneously.
s'Goin' to Maria"
Instantly three railroad maps were
jerked ont, and for full fifteen minutes
three pairs of eyes inspected them close
ly. Then each of said pairs of eyes
looked at the other, and finally all cen
tered on the gentleman from the rur&
districts. Then the question was asked
by three persons
"Where is Marial"
"Where's Maria: Why, 1 spose she's
tn hum. Maria's my wife, and lives si1
miles east of town, and if l didn't want
to go to her, where the HI would /
want to go to 2"
Three railroad maps were put up
quicker than lightning, and in less than
two minutes time Dunn was seated in
his Office consulting an abominable old
pipe, Dan Mountain was busily engaged
in admiring Lou Thompson's nagnifi-
cent new four-story plug hat, and MAJ
Laughlin was calmly contemplating the
prospective arrival OF the next stress
car
The man bound fur g Maria left In
one of Fish & Hutchinsons sleighs.