, 1875-02-28

would"
After waiting four years, a. Michigan lover
finally popped the question. and ths girl answer
ed: ''0f course Til have you! Why, you fool
ses'! ses!" We ''''' nave 0'sn "a''''' '0'e" years
MISCELLANEOUS FEMININE ITEMS.
Wine improves with age, but kissea don't.
A williamsburg woman has an artificial jaw.
Did she wear the other one out j?
"Love," said George Sand, is IN internal
transport" The same may be said OF. = canal
boat.
HRS: Partington declares that she does not
wish to vote, a. she fears abs couldn't stand the
electrical franchise
4 New Haven man confessed that he married
his wife because she was good carver. That's
the kind Of 3 help-meat every man wants.
In tho story Of the Pittsheld woman who wag-
ers $500 that ahe can walk fifty hours without
rest or sleep, isn't walk miBprint for talk
# you are thinking of Offering your hand to =
lady, it ia always best to choose your opportuni-
ty. As good time "a any is when she il getting
out OF an omnibus.
When good-looking womanfs husband gets
| into State Prison, even the Judge who sent him
there for three years, when he might have made
it one, feels called upon to 80 around and COM
fort her.
l. female lawyer in Wyoming was recently
| obliged to suspend her argument before JUS
tice in order to minister to the wants OF her
baby, rho Was arguing for its dinner in en ad-
| joining room.
:We ask nothing unreasonable" gently re-
| marks Sister Of Charity. =: Give us fourteen
| yard Of that Ulster overcoat. You will never
miss it, and it will clothc dozen or more Of our
| poor children"
A Troy fool got beef'a heart, put golden
arrow worth a75 through it, and sent it to =
| Troy young woman for Valentine. The fair
creature gave the heart to her poodle, but will
| keep the arror.
| 4 gtinsy husband accounted for all the blame
Of the lawlessnesa Of bis children Ill company by
| saying his wife always gave them their own way.
"poor things its all hare to give them," was
| the prompt reply.
A man who won't complain, eays the Milwau-
kee Sentinel when hia wife crawis out about mid
night and take tho heaviest comforter OF the
| bod to wrap around her plants, is lacking in all
| tie noble qualities Of free agent.
| go away! Leave me With my dead! Let
me fling myself on his coffin and die there u
| That was in Nebraska SIX months ago. and now
| the widow has won another trusting soul, and
No. is portrait is in the attic, Taco to the wall
| Don't tell ua any mora about the good women
| Of old. An observer who wrote hundreds OF
years ago said: "Woman is q necessary evil q
natural temptation. q desirable calamity, do
mestic peril deadly f=clnation, nnd painted
ILL"
Monthly Nurse SHY dear, sir, just look
here" taking the blanket from fne pair OF
twins with which the master Of the house had
been presented. ''Oh, yes" said the bluehing
young husband, II suppose csn take my
choice"
According to tho Elizabeth Herald, young
man visiting young lady in that town little
| too frequently received gentle hint the Other
| night, from his lady love, if he was going te
make visits SO often he had better send around
q ton of COAL
Lucretia Boyd, Of Elizabethtown, settled th<
| matter with her slow wooer by simply shedding
| few tears, aud sayfng, II don't believe have
real friend On earth" What could the noo1
fellow do but onen his arms and exclain, Here
| is your 1efuge."
May Mamma! mammal don't go on 1iks
orito pot =" What have got to live forf' Ma.
-"Haven't You got me, mamma Z" Mamma
"You, child! You're not unique. There are ii!
Of you-a complete set.
II see very little o1 sou," said aud old gentle
man at Louisville bali to young lady whom
| he had not met in long tima before. kno,
it," was tha artless reply, " but mother wouldn'
| allow mo to weac q very 1ow-necked dress to
night, tie waather is SO cold.".
Ladies who wear bust1es should f.sten th
thing down, and not meander the streets with
huge bundle bobbing up and down and wriggin,
from side to side behind. i looks ridiculous
and besides with so many beads and bugles p1
it, is apt to make person walking IN the rea
cross-eyed!
scene-The paEish clerks, Miss has come to
give instructions about putting up the banns
Clerk" What IS he, do you say-a shovel On
giuee1, on the railway? You mean civil en-
ginea. ! suppose :" Mias-" Oh, dassay your
right, sir. It's him that shovels the Goals int
the engine"
At party in this city the other night, says th'
Troy Times, gentleman tried to coax beauti
ful young lady to play On tho piano. She ssh
shc couldn't. .s Why" said he. 'tyou can pla
tho Blue Danube Waltz can't you? 2" mo
said she, t*but can play penny ante just like
little man" But she ts beautiful and accom-
plished.
To be deprived Of the ballot is something whicl
| vonan's consciousness OF superiority may enabl
her to hesr with patience but, in view Of tn
legal fiction which asserts that man and wife ar
| one, to be told, as Brooklyn court has told
| fair defendant, that woman has no night 70 opel
her husbands Letters, ia too much for femlnln
! endurance.
Norristown Herald: A young lady hurrisdl
! entered the post-otfca the other morning, an
breathlessy asked for the letter she ha
| dropped into the box half an hour before. Ih
letter was written to her dear friend Julla, De
scribing the latest sociable. and she had Tor ono
forgotten to write In Haste " on one corner 0
| the envelope.
The Boston women are still agitating the dres
| question: bat the discussion is getting too doe
| for the ordinary male comprehension. One lady
for instance thinks the abolition Of tho chsInls
would result in anarchy and revolptlon: an
that tsno woman Of delcacy will ever abaudo
that garment"
What changes few years bring about. IT,, don N
tbey! Yesterday the citizens Of Arbor Hill uer
aware of woman madly tearing along, potato
IL hand giving ensss to hS5 IKE aao,
Eight years ago the Same female took medal q
an Eastern seminary for d graduating essay q
Repose OF Character"
bow once asked his father who it was thu
lived next door TO him, and when he heard th
inquired Il BE- % W. sat fool asn.bs %No my
wbv all ynu ask the question 2" because,
replied he boy, smother said the other Day tha
you were next door to . fool, and I wanted
know who lived next door to you"
| u..,,n 3ooa a <raat deal Tn discourage loft