Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser., 1875-08-20
How Jones Got Barrelled Up.

Just before noon yesterday, Mr..
Jones sat down on an empty barrel
standing in front of a liquor store on
Machigan avenue, and remarked that
it was cheaper to lose two dollars
worth of time waiting for the car than
to foot it nine blocks. Mr.. Jones is
long and lean, and doesn't weigh over
13O pounds. The barrel ought to
have held up two just like him, but
as hex swEiaGled around to secure am
easy pos he. head fell in. Mr..
Jones fell in after the head. 1t wasn't
the best he could do, but no time was
given him to plan and ponder. The
first thing he knew after the crash,
was finding his feet and ankles over
one side, and his shoulders and head
wedged against the opposite. His
head was bent forward until his neck
was nearly broken, his legs seemed to
have been driven up, and he was right
where the boys wanted him. He yell
ed out in smothered tones, and an aged
lady who keeps an intelligence Office
near the scene of the accident, looked
down from her window and called out:
"Bub, we don't want any such fool
ing around herev'
"Bub be blowed-lemme out-help!
help" hoarsely replied Mr.. Jones.
"Oh. young man, you are on your
way to the gallows!" said the aged
lady, and she drew back from the win
dow and sighed.
Few people walk the street at noon,
and Mr.. Jones yelled out many times
before the grocer came out. He saw
the feet sticking up, and he gave them
a rap with potato-masher and ex-
claimed:
"You boys deserve killingv
"Pm dying in here-help me out"
roared Jones.
"I'll die you, you old vagrant!" re-
piled the grocer, seeing that the feet
belonged to man, and he gave the
barrel kick.
Four or five boys came around the
corner, and when they discovered what
was up one of them recognized Mr..
Jones' voice. Looking into the bar
rels he asked:
SIS that you, Mr.. Jones?"
"Yes-yesw gasped Jones.
care you doing we'll down there,
Mr.. Jones?"
ooh! Heavens upr' cried
the prisoner.
"Aren't you easy in your mind, Mr..
Jones" inquired another boy.
81 tell you l am dying!" shouted
Jones, as he tried to struggle around.
81 believe you are liar" replied
the grocer as he gave the barrel
shake.
When he was convinced that the
man in the barrel was not vagrant
or a beggar, he set about helping him
out. He tried to lift him up, but
Jones yelled for mercy, and the boys
put in their talk and decided that the
barrel should be tipped over. This
was done, and while the grocer went
after the hatchet to knock the hoop
off, the boys rolled Mr.. Jones up and
down the walk s'to cool him off"
Doyou feel better now, Mr.. Jones:"
inquired one.
''Have you cramps in the stomach,
Mr.. Jones?" asked a second.
''Do you really and truly want to
get out of that palace Car, Mr.. Jones~
asked third.
And Jones growled and took on and
tried to kick, and as the boys rolled
him along he was heard making a
solemn VOW that he would kill every
boy in Detroit if he ever got out Of
the barrel. The grocer finally came
with his hatchet, and as he knocked
at the hoops he said it was pity to
go and destroy nice barrel like that
in order to save one human life.
The slaves finally fell in and fell
out, and Jones gave a yell and scrambl-
led up.