The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-11-06
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

An excbonoc suggests that Hannibal Ham.
Inns head ought to be put on the postage stamps
SO that everybody might have the pleasure OF
rounding II whenever a transient newspaper
was to be mailed 1t would be much more salts.
factory to the people, outside of the express
companies, if the stamps had to be stuck on Mr..
Hamlns head, and every man had the privilege
of ,ancelinp his own stamp with q club. That Is
the,general way in which the American people
think OF Mr.. Hamlin.- Burlington Ha,ck-Ey.
Here is another dig" at the pull dress fash
ion:
If men when crossing the street, were obliged
every time they came to a muddy place to grasp
the seat Of their pantaloons and moist them up
wouldn't it look ridiculous?-Er.
A sensible lady on reading the above item re-
marked ANY woman who will make street
mop of her dress is fool" Does fashion make
fools of the women, or do women make fools OF
the fashions?
The Burlington Hd,ckeye says:
"Pckin is a beautiful and enterprisng city
where the prettiest giils in the prairie statc
grow at the rate Of twenty to the square yard
Right Mr.. Ha,rkeye. If they were not so pref
ty we could not boast OF so many to the square
ward But as ii is they will stand terrible
amount of squeezng-Ptka ItmeS
Yes. II makes our mouth water, and our
arms systematically reach out, when we think Of
girls
There was report on Saturday last that h0rn
of the Evening Circular, had fallen down stairs
and was picked up in a state Of inscnsibiiity.
crowd rushed there and learned that it was only
Korns scissors. Korney says he will run that
paper, and fill it with original matter, il it takes
every pair OF shears in Ottawa, including those
for cutting tin and sheet iron, to do it with! SU'
there!
Yankee Robinsons elephant was sold last
Wednesday for 800 and railroad in Michigan
was knocked down for 81 600 few weeks since.
While these necessary household articles are so
cheap no family should be without one.-Wen
dotd Bulletin.
There are young men who cannot hold skcn
Of warn for their mother without wincing, but
will hold l25 pounds of neighboring family for
the best part of the night, with patience and
docility that are certainly phenomenal.-Er
There's no phenomenon about it, "its natur,"
and quite soothn," too.
SARATOGA FLIRTING.
We walked and talked through hall and park;
We rode and rowcd as fayOritc weather
Allowed the kindling OF loves spark
That kept us many hours together.
What bright eyes looked so soft in minel
With cunning eyes from out long lashcs,
/ could but rashly then cntwne
Her tender form right where the sash Is,
Then whispered, Do be mine, sweet love,
And cease this burdened heart from sorrow"
Then answered she, My pretty dove,
My husband will be here tomorrow"
When woman is so false, thought !, may be
I'd best go home to wife and baby
Some idea Of the cOnjugal happiness of the
King Of Holland may be obtained from the fact
;has his Queen can talk every language in Eu-
rope.-Ex.
Ia, l,,r to
much torture AS the average Benedict can bear,
but when 1t comes to 2s5 or SO, the very thought
crushing in itself.
A Judge on the Indiana Supreme bench has
decided that the habit Of requiring the loser In
playing billiards to pay for the games does not
constitute gamblirg.-Er.
Well what of IL? Does the loser OF half
dozen games walk up to the bar and settle with
any more cheerfulncss than before this wise de.
ceiong
The New York papers tell about a drawback
on sugar" That's nothing. There has been
fearful pull-back on 'lasses all summcr.-Chica-
90 Inter- ocean.
They airy very kipd.hearted in Wyoming. A
man will threaten to shoot II you don't drink
with him and then leave the bartender to pop
you over if you don't pay for the fluid.
Stealing sewing machine, which lately &C.
cured at Wenona, in this comfy, Is the last
"kink In modern thieving. 1t looks to us like
waste OF professional skill and time on the
part OF the thief A far easier way to have OBJ
tanned sewing would have been to have let any
one OF the horde Of agents "put machine in on
trial." and then quietly froze" to the machine,
as many do who are not called very big rascals
either.
The editor OF the Wenona Inter complains that
the cemetery OF that village is in neglected
condition The sooner that editor is safely in
tered therein, the sooner this complaint will
cease People would come in for miles and miles
TO decorate his grave with dead cats and things.
Why does he not become Il martyr and thereby
improve the condition OF that cemetery
Editors OF rag money" newspapers of the
republican stripe do not like the course Of the
Chicago Tribune, and have of late, given 1t
piece Of their several minds, As they hadn't
much mind TO spare before, we don't see how
they can have brains enough left TO do business
on, but, come to think Of it, it doesn't require
much brains to get around and run the average
republican newspaper anyway!
Serious complaint are made Of cruelty in the
State Penitentiary. The officials in charge Of
that institution are charged with cold blooded
murders. prisoner named McCarty was duck
ed in bath tub Of water In which had been
placed $50 lbs. Of ice. McCarty was chilled to
death when removed If this is not a cold blood
cd murder, what wouldbey
The Governor Of the State appoints those Off
cials and is responsible for their conduct. Why
not give Gov. Beveridgc dose Of this same
Beoerage which killed McCarty then he'd "know
how it is himself"
A Titusyille (Pa) paper joyfully says: "Su-
eide now within the reach of ali-kerosone only
ten cents gallon"-ES
An economically disposed person could save
forty cents by going from here 10 Titusvile for