The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-06-09

lourned Sme die.
Mark Twain went to the great base
ball match at Hartford, Tuesday, and
lost bis umbrella, for which he adver.
tises as follows: 1.-TWO hundred and
FIVE dollars reward.-At the great
base ball match on Tuesday, while
was engaged in hurrahing, a small
boy walked off with an English-made
brown silk umbrella belonging to me,
and forgot to bring it back. 1 will
pay So for the return of that umbrella
in good condition to my house on Far
fhington avenue. do not want the
boy Gin an active state), but will pay
two hundred dollars for his remains
Samuel l.. Clemens"
Bailey says man is harder than q
woman, except in his hands. When
she sees him take his coat tail to hold
a stove litter, she pushes him away in
disgust, and takes the hot object in
her hand without wincing. If he
should do that he would drop it at
once, and couldn't help it. When he
has dish to lift from the stove, he
very properly starts off to hunt up
cloth, and while he is gone she re-
moves it with her naked hand, and is
there ready to say things that makes
him feel small and worthless when he
gets back.
Last season, P. was attacked with
cholera, and his friends and physician
gave him up as lost case. As he lay
there, apparently on his death-bed, the
doctor asked him if the medicines he
had taken had in any manner affected
his teeth. 81 don't know" family
whispered p, "but you can see; they
are in the top drawer of the bureau.
Mrs. P. will hand them to you"
Two friends meeting after an alb
sence of some years, during which
time the one had increased considera-
bly, in bulk, and the other still re-
sembled the "efhgy of man"-said
the stout gentleman, "Why, Dick, you
look as if you had not had dinner
since saw you last" "And you," re-
piled the other "look as if you had
been at dinner ever SINCE"
A happy-go-lucky individual who
was there attempting to make his way
through the street in Syracuse while
under the influence of excessive pota-
tions of whisky, was inquired of by a
policeman whittier he was going.
Holding up toothbrush and tooth
pick, which he was tightly clinching,
he simply remarked: "I'm moving
How doth the little busy pig i'm
prove each shining hour, and gather
sausages all day from every opening
flower; and, when the shades of twi,
light fall, he slsmbers in his sty, OF
sings his pretty evening hymn, "Root.
little pig, or die."
1t is proposed that everybody, man,
woman, and child, plant an elm, oak,
maple, or some other good tree on the
ground where he lives this year, as a
centennial offering to those who may
come after them and sit in the shade
of the same.
A genius thus defines the difference
between man and women: A man
gives forty cents for twenty -fve-eeni
thing he wants, and a woman gives
twenty-five cents for a forty y-cent thing
she does not want.
Peter Cunningham told Douglass
Jerrold that he had been supping on a
curious dish, which he had never seen
before - calves tails. "ExtremeS
meet" was the comment of bis pleas
ant friend.
The Rochester Democrat says that
Mile. Plaster, young French actress
is coming over next season. We pre-
sumo all the young bloods will be in
elined to court Plaster.
ais this the Adams House ?" asked
stranger of Bostonian. "Yes,
was the reply, otis Adams House un-
til you get to the roof then it's caves
Some clerical purists hava become
so circumspect since the great SORROW
that they even refuse to eountenance
persons embracing religion.
The terrible power of appetite is
illustrated in the case of the young
man who drank up an entire millpond
which his father left him.
Vermont has nine hundred under.
takers and not single brewery. A
good place to die in, but very poor
one to live in.
Do not insist so much on the bloom
but on the health and vigor of The
plant.
Why is the world like q piano2 Be.
cause it is full of sharps and fats.