Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-12-31

On that spot l mlSnt nave perlSned
of thirst, but for the saving words of
an honored maxim that fitted
through my memory at that moment:
Gail 81 igns fail in dry time" Com
mon law takes precedence of the
statutes. l was saved.
The noble red man had always
been daring of mine. loved to
read about him in tale and legends
and romance.
love to read Of his inspired sa-
gacity, and of his love of The wild,
free life of mountain and forest, and
his grand truthtulness; his hatred of
treachery, and his general nobility of
character, and his stately metaphori-
cal speech, and his chivalric love for
the dusky maiden, and the picturesque
pomp OF his dress and accoutrements.
When found the shops of Niagara
Falls full OF dainty beadwork and
stunning moccasion, and equally
stunning toy figures representing hui
man beings who carry their weapons
in holes bored in their arms, and
shaped like pipe, I was filled with
emotion. / knew now that l was
going to come face to face with the
noble red man.
a lady clerk in the shop told me,
indeed. that all her grand array were
made by the Indians, and there were
plenty about the falls, and that they
were friendly, and that it would not
be dangerous to speak to them.
I came upon camp of them, gath
cred in the shade of great tree,
making wampum and moccasins. and
addressed them in the following lam
guage of friendship:
Noble Red-men, Brave Grand
Sachem, War Chiefs, Squaws, and
Observation-Disclosures, the pale-face
from the land Of thu setting sun
greets you! You Beneficent Polecat,
you Devourer of Mountains, you
Roaring thundergust-the pale face
from beyond the great waters greets
you all!
"War and pcslilence has thinncd
your ranks and destroyed your once
proud nation. Poker and sevcn-up
and vain modern expense for soap,
unknown to your glorious ancestors,
have depleated your purses. Appro-
priating in simplicity the property Of
others has gotten you into trouble
Misrepresentlng facts in your sinless
innocence has damaged your, reputa-
ton with the soulless usurper. Trad
ing with torty-rod whisky to enable
you to get drunk and happy and TOM
ahawk your families has played the
everlasting mischief with the pictur
esque pomp Of your dress, and here
you are in the broad light of the
nineteenth century, gotten up like
the ragtag and bobtail Of the purlieus
of New York! For shame! Remem-
ber your ancestors! Recall their
mighty deeds! Remember Uncas!
and Red Jacket! and Hole-in-the-
Day! and Horace Greeley! Emulate
their achievements! Unturl yourselves
under my banner, noble savages,
illustrious guttersnipes-"
"Down wild him."
"Scalp the blaggard!'
"Hang him!"
"Dhrown him!"
1t was the quickest operation that
I ever saw. simply saw Il sudden
dash IN the air of clubs, brickbats,
fists, bead-baskets, and moccasins-a
single flash, and they all appeared to
hit me at once, and no two of them
in the same place.
In the next instant the entire tribe
was upon me. They tore all the
clothes off of me; they broke all my
arms and legs; they gave me thump
that dented the top OF my head till it
would hold coffee like saucer; and
then to crown their disgracctul pro-
ceedings and add insult to injury
they threw me over the Horseshoe
Fall, and got wet.
About ninety-nine or a hundred
feet from the top, the remains of my
vest caught on projecting rock, and
I was almost drowned before l could
get loose.
finally fell and brought up in a
world of foam ut the foot OF the fall
whose celled and bubbly masses
lowered up several inches above my
head.
OF course, got into the eddy. l
sailed round and round it forty times,
chasing chip and gaining on it
each round tripa half mile-reaching
the same bush on the bank forty-four
times, and just missing it by a hairs
breadth every time.
At last man walked down and sat
close by that bush, and put pipe in
his mouth and lit a match, and fol
lowed me with one eye and kept the
other on the match, while he shelter
ed it in his hands from the wind
Presently a puff of wind blew it out.
The time swept around him he
said.
"Got a match?"
"Yes--in my otherves Help me
out, please"
"Not for joe"
"Excuse the seemingly impertinent
curiosity of a drowning man, but will
you explain this singular conduct OF
yonrs?"
"With pleasure. I am the coroner.
Don't hurry on my account. l can
wait for YOU. wish | had a match.
Take my place, and I'll go up and
get you one," l said.
He declined. This lack of conf
dence on his part created GOODNESS
between us, and from that time for
ward avoided him.
1t was my idea in case anything
happened to me to SO time the occur
renee as to throw my custom into the
hands of the opposition coroner over
on the American side.
At last policeman came along
and arrested me for disturbing the
|. peace by yelling for help.
The Judge fined me. But l had
the advantage of him. My money
was with my pantaloons, which were
with the Indians.