Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-11-26
Fl VINO r.

GIVING A BRAKEMAN A LEssoN.-The
first man out was a railroad brakeman,
who had been celebrat ing his grandfather's
birthday.
''Run on the cars, sir?" asked the court.
Eyes, sir"
"And you belong to that class of men
who open the door as tie train stops at
Pontiac and yell out 'Upontyac {" at the
passengers.
The man was silent.
cit makes my bones boil when think of
how I've been used on these railroads, >
continued his Honor. ''The seats are
locked, the water-cooler empty: the win
dows won't stay up, and every few minutes
you open the door and cry out, sJawkin
for Jackson, or 'Kl-a-Zoo for Kalamazoo.
l believe I'll mark you for six months"
'sPlease, sir,'' protested the prisoner.
II must strike blow at this great evil
somewhere, and might us we'll commence
on you.n
ssPIease, sir, L never was here before,
and it's my first drunk in four years"
His Honor leaned back and chewed the
corner Of blotting- pad while he reflected.
Finally he said:
ssWell, I'll let you go, though III be
blamed for it. Now, sir, after this you
want to adopt a different style. When the
train approaches station you want to go
through the car like cat, smile gently,
and say in quiet tones, ladies and gentle
men, this train is now in the outskirts of
the beautiful city of Ypsilanti, and such
of you as desire to step off will please
make ready, and may health and prosperi-
ty ever attend you.' What an innovation
that would be, sir. How the travelling
public would rush for your road! Will
you do this, Mr.. wellington"
The prisoner promised, and was allowed
to go.-Detroit Press.
A Methodist preacher travelling in the
back settlement of Western State,
stopped at cabin, where an old lady re-
ceived him very kindly, giving him warm
supper, and asking man questions:
stranger, where mought you be FROM"
Madam, reside in Shelby county, Ken
lucky" sWell. stranger, hope no offence,
but what mought you be doing out here?"
Madam. am looking for the lost Of the
tribe of Isreal." "John," shouted the old
lady, "here's stranger all the way from
Kentucky hunting lost stock, and I'll
Just bet my life that old curly-haired ram
that came into our yard last week is one
of his'n."
A man may be deserted by his friends,
frowned upon by fortune, or visited by his
mother-in-law, and bear up under it, but
when he is out in company and loses con-
fidence in his snspenders, hope deserts
him.
In Nevada, when a building falls and
kills two or three people, the jury first
hunt up the contractor and hang him, and
then bring in verdict that nobody is to
bla me but the contractor, who cannJt be
found.
A colored man at Gloucester couldn't
make hi S chimney draw. He got a patent
terra-cotta pipe on it, and now it draws so
hard that his neighbours chickens some
times get into his stove-oven.
A crusty old bachelor explains that the
reason woman puts a finger in her
mouth when she thinks, is because she can
not talk and think at the same time.
Anna Dickinson has Travelled $4,000
miles by rail, land never even had man
wink at herr She must have kept her
veil up all the time.
Marble, Wood, Stone and Gould are
among New York's newspaper owners.
All the Brass is in the interyiewers.