The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-01-23
GOSSIP.

4 GOSSIP.
There was young girl In Chicago
IL Vino tried haid 70 make her old pa 20
And buy hL some JeWelry
Il Without'any foolery, .....
But on that he soon laid an embargo.
To remove spots from furniture o.
paint-Use a jack plane.
N A plain stew-a trip in a street rail
way car OIL warm day.
It's never too late to mend, excep
when a stocking is worn away in the IN
Istep.
Five hundred and seventy-five pounds
were made one flesh recently at Wash
ington, Iowa. He 800 and she 275.
Encourage the cultivation of plum
trees for the comfort of that fastidious
epicure, the curculio, who can iced upon
nothing else. .. ...... s..
~ am astonished, my dear young lady
at your sentiments; you make me start
l"Well, have been wanting you TO start
for the last hour"
i Eight hours should be days work on
q dog-churn, the dog to be allowed one
day in the week to himself. Let every
dog have his day. ,.....
A Joliet man has the presence Of
mind to warm his nose before he kisses
his wife, and Chicago man always
waits until he can chew a Glove.
A correspondent sadly eXclaims,
"How can a coquette die happy" She
cant-if there's man around, and her
back hair isn't fixed to suit her.
| A Chicago preacher has locked himself
UP in the fourth story and draws his
meals up by Ded-cord. He says they
can't get up no slander about him.
| "YOu don't seem to know how to take
me-" said vulgar fellow to a gentleman
he had insuited. "Yes, do,n said the
gentleman, taking him by the nose.
| There is girl in St. Paul, Minnesota,
so surprisingly beautiful that she is
obliged to eat onions daily in order to
keep her admirers at respectful dis
tance.
| A Walnut Hills lass, becoming annoy
ed at the attentions of young divinity
student, told him that he looked sappy
enough to be the principal of girls
seminary.
| "Mary, / love the WELL" wrote an inn
passioned swain to his sweetheart; but
she couldn't imagine what his affection
ior a well had to do with the question OF
an early marriage.
An advertisement for dry goods
clerk reads: "Wanted, young man TO
be partly outdoor and partly behind the
counter" 1t don't specify which part OF
The young man is to be outdoor.
| "What makes you look SO glum, Tom ?"
ooh, had to endure a sad trial TO my
feelings" "What on earth was itp'
"Why, l had 10 tie on pretty girPs bon
| net with her mother looking on"
A man with mole ON his le cheek, a
! wart on his nose, two Of his front teeth
knocked out, and his nose turn
| ed to the wlnward side of his face, pro-
poses lecturing this winter on the beau
Ties OF nature.
T. little boy, after watching the burn
| ing of The school-house until the novelty
| OF the thing ceased, started down the
street saying, II am glad the old things
burned down; l didn't have my joglry
lesson no hoWV 49,
An Urbana man went coon hunting
recently, and, ON coming home, mistook
his Wile's bandboX for stool, and sat
down on it. There were no harsh words,
no tears, no upbraldlng; she simply rap
ped him with club. 49,.
A free negro was brought before a
magistrate, and convicted OF pilteripg.
The magistrate began to demonstrate.
''Do you knowlnow to read Pee Yes, ,nlassa,
a little." swell, don't you never make
use OF the Biblew "Yes, massa, strap
my razor on 1t sometimes."
A Covington girl declined to engage
herself to the object OF her affections uh.
til his father had given her a written
guarantee that his son was not only
sound ''in wind and limb" but of good
morals, gentle, and warranted to behave
we'll both in ''single and double har-
ness" That girl aid not intend to be
seen in a divorce court.
A soldier OF q cavalry regiment was
| brought up for stealing his comrades
liquor ration. He was an 1rishman, and
| His defense was unique: "pd be sorry
| indade, SURF, to be called O. thiet! I put
the liquor in the same bottle, and mine
was at the bottom, and sure ! was
obliged to drink his to get my ownw
| A Western editor pictures reporter,
| in proposed new style of school reader,
thusly: "Here is the face OF reporter
see how joyful he looks. lie has just
heard that man has cut his own throat
and he is going for the item. Should
you like to be reporter and get licked
on dark nights, ana see dead persons,
and climb up four pairs OF stairsY'
| "Boy where do you come from, and
| how do you liverp "Come from Galway,
and live by atlng." "Would you like
something to dop' "Don't care, ii il
ain't harI work." "WeIl, boy, ii you
like, l will set you up in business that
will prove both pleasant and protita-
Bile ew"Go ahead; Pm ready powell, you
20 somewhere and steal u basket, and
!! Then 20 round begging for cold victuals,
and you may nave half you get."
| A lady sent her Irish servant for a
new velvet mantilla which was at her
dressmaker's. "John," she said, ''if it
rains, take a cab; would rather pay
the cab hire than have my mantilla wet.''
| When the man handed her the mantilla
1t was ruined, the paper which covered
4 it being saturated with water. "Why
john" she said ~ told you to take cat
if it rained." $50 l did, mum, but sure
you would't have your footman ridin
inside? l got on the box with the dri
yer." ....,-.. 40. ....... ......
Is the sense of smelling more pleasing
than the sense of feeling? was the sub
ject up before u debating club. SkiltoL
was the last to speak upon The negative
and all were anxious to hear him, " hen
ringing the bell, he ordered up glass O.
hot whisky punch, and drank it off witt
great gusto. Then, turning to his oppo
Gents, he handed the empty glass to tht
leading dispuLant, and Numbered out
: "NoW, sir, smell it!' 1t is needless tt
to add that Skilton "brought down the
house," and carried the decision to til,
negative. aH
A lady went to corner grocery tn,
other day tor tome trifling thing. Th,
.rn.xdp Nrnptad Iuasa ~ tha unru fo,