The Van Buren press., 1875-07-06
THOSE CIRCUS BILLS.
An Aged Female Acrobat Confuses Mod
est Young Man,

alter she had wiped her spectafies, plac
ed them on her nose, unfolded the bill,
and read few Of the headlines
She WAS old fashioned in look There
were strings to her bonnet, she had no
hustle, her gray hair was combed down
smoothly, land there were only eleven
yards in her black alpaca dress.
Young man, don't you know that cir
cpsses are awful liars and humbugs? she
finally inquired
The man at the table leaned back in
his chair and refused to express an opn-
ion.
Well, | know is she continued in a
positive tone, and | believe they git
woss every day. Now see here-listen
to this: "A gorgeous panorama of anna
ling wonders-a gigantic combination OF
astonishing aerobatic talent That's all
right on the poster, but hsv they got EN- ::
I'd like to see one o them animals
You're laborng under mistake,
madam. 1t seems grand display Of
natural curiosisies, and Informs the pub
lie that the proprietor has secured many
irst-class acrobats--the chaps who stand
on their heads, turn head over heels, and
cut up so many monkey shines
1t does, eli 7 she mused; waul, do
you believe it takes smart person to
keel over?'
We'll, one has to have . good deal of
training
They do, ch !? she remarked, as she
put her umbrella in the corner, and spit
on her hands; I'll show you that YOU
are deceived I'm an old woman, but il
can't
Madam, hold on--dont do it, OK.
claimed the man behind the table.
| can flop right over there, and never
shake my bonaet, she said, as she rose
up.
Il know you can, madam, but don't
am here alone, and II don't want GU
to, I'd rather you wouldn't. Ifyou are
determined on it shall leave the room.
Well. you know can do it, and that's
enough. You may be right about what
that means, but see Aere--hear this: the
highways ablaze with resplendent chari-
ots--the grandest pageant on earth I've
bin to lots. of ercusses, young man, and
1never saw pageant yet If they had
one the door of his cage wasn't OPEN
You are also in error there The bill
refers to the fact that the great number
Of wagons, chariots, &c make up a sight
worth seeing, as they pass along the
street
I'm m IN, she muttercl, as she folded
the bill over; don't see why they
couldn't have said so, then. And now,
hara ro,l hat
his aerial flights Now, then, i, that a
boa constructor or a condurango?
It's a man, madam--onc of the per
formers. His real name is probably
Jones. but that isn't grand enough, and
so they put him down as Sig GovinoT
He is the man who jumps Off rope,
turns over twice, and then comes down
all right
He is, eh2 Well, if he's got the idea
that he's the smartest man alive, want
to disappont him, / never did try to
turn over twice, but III do it right here,
and now or break my neck Git the
things off'n that table,
Stay, madam-don't. | wouldn't
have you do it for fifty dollars
Just oncer
Fer heavens sake, madam, get down
off II this table--here--heres a dollar if
you won'tdo it!
Il don't want your money, ard | won't
try it, if you're SO scarf, but don't want
no circus going around talking about Wr-
al flights and decciving the people!
She sat down, the young man wiped
the sweat off his brow, and presently she
remarked:
And here's another thing, right here
"A aparkling asterisk, flashing across the
field of the cloth Of gsld-Mons. Com.
cirque in his great deineations of human
character I'd like to know who she is ,
Madam, that's a man--a man who de
lineates character
HowY
why. he makes up faces expresses
mrth, sorrow, JOY, and so fortn.'
He does. chi Well, what's that to
hlow about? Make up facos2 See
hcre'
And she shut her eyes, run her tongue
out, and looked like the bolton OF Il
rass kettle that mad been kicked by II
mule.
They are humbugs, sir' she said, as
she drew her tongue in, and dye sup.
pose Id pay 6fty cents to 60 to one?'
They are quite entertaining as gen
ersl thing
They are, ch? Entertaining, ch
Well, il cant do more entertaining in
five minutes than circus can do all day,
I'll leave my bonnet up here. Here, hold
on to this chair
Madam, l earnestly hope that you are
not going to perform any tricks
Il hain't, eh? You just hold on to
the legs Of that chair
Il can't do it, madam wouldn't do
1t for all the diamond pins in Syracuse
Go away. madam--go home! I'm in a
awful hurryT
We'll, l wont then; but when | say
circusses are humbugs, can prove it. |
don't keer two cents for their big words
and their panoplies, pageants, astcrisks,
girafes, aryals, geourgouses and orang.
eutangs--l can beat em all holer myself
And she took off her speetacles, lifted
ncr umbrella, and went down stairs --
Detrsa Free Press.
Il say, landlord said Yankee, that's