The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-04-16
EMPORIA NEWS.
FRIDAY, APRIL 10. 1875.
KERNELS.

. - uSAA.N 4lAAS
The original greenbacks-frogs.
A patient waiter-a young doc
tor.
High living for hard times
rooms in the attic.
Men who never do wrong sell
dom do anything.-Boston News.
1t is estimated that every pau
per in San Antonio, Texas, owns
about seven dogs.
Correctly don't seem like had
word; yet they all go down be-
cause they can t spell correctly.
''No sir" said q weary looking
man in a street car, to an individ-
nal by his side. 81 wouldn't marry
the best waman alive I've been O
dry goods clerk too long for that"
The greatest discovery at Pom
peii is that ola woman making a
fire in a cook stove while her hus-
band Is in bed and asleep. She
was a noble woman. - Boston
Journal.
London is ahead. 1t has more
Jews than Palestine. More
Scotchmen than Edinburg, more
Irish than Dublin, more Catho
lies than Rome, and more thieves
than Chicago.
1t is said that nothing will cure
a poets affection for his idol soon
than to catch her at the dinner
table excavating the kernel of a
hickory nut with n hair-pin.-
Brooklyn Argus.
A widow was weeping bitterly
at the loss of her husband, and
the parson tried to console her.
mo, no." said she: ''let me have
my cry out, and then / shan't
care anything more about it"
An economical farmers daugh-
ter In Massachusetts put off her
wedding day because eggs were
up to forty cents a dozen, and it
would take two dozen for the
wedding cakes and pudding.
When a common Japanese goes
into the presence of an Office hold
er he must say: "Great and dis
tinguished child of the sun, deign
to put your feet upon my neck"
There's some pleasure in holding
an Office in that country.
vDo,Nac - Contho.. NIT:
grets that it went to press zone
day too early to record the death
of John Bates" This is not
quite as cool as the paper which
said: "Just as we are going to
press, John Smith is being run
over by the cars
A man who was sentenced to be
hung was visited by his wife, who
said: ''Mv dear, would you like
the children to see you execu-
tiveT' NO." replied he. That's
just like you," said she, you new
er wanted the children TO have any
enjoyment"
This is the season of the year
when the farmer tells his son
John, that if he will sort over ten
bushels of potatoes, feed the
stock, repair that fence and re-
shingle the corn-crib he may have
the rest of the day to go rabbit
hunting.-Detroit Free Press.
Apropos of the spelling mania
it may be of interest to know that
4 lady of Providence, r. l., during
leisure moments, has spelt six
hundred and fifty words out of the
word "congregationalist," and in
no case repeating letter in for
nation of a word.
Yesterday Uncle Daniel Drew
looked up from the copy of the
Times he was reading in Robin
son, Chase & Co.'s Office, in Broad
street, and, removing his specta-
eles, remarked sagely: This
yere ice gorge's washed away all
the culprits along the Erie road"
Times.
An aged colored individual
stepped into a store on Wood
ward avenue, and asked how the
thermometer stood: "a hundred
and forty-nine degrees below ze-
70" replied one of the clerks. "Is
dat faxY exclaimed de old man !;
''then I've loosed So. 1 jist made
a bet 1t war a hundred an fifty.
"Here, waiter! waiterw called
Mr.. Rural, at one OF our city no.
tells: "bring me some of Francis
potatoes" The waiter stared,
and said he didn't think they had
any. Haven't any," says Mr..
Rural; "much you know about
your trade-here, read that" And
he pointed to this on the bill of
fare: Potatoes a la FFdncdiSh
Business seems TO be dull in
San Antonio, Texas, just now.
the Herald says: Times are so
hard that, when the boy goes out
on Saturday to collect bills for a
leading dry goods establishment
comes home with seventy-five
cents, and has the ceiling of his
pants worn out by the boots of
the customers from whom he has
collected, it, the proprietor re-