The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-02-19
A STORY WITH A MORAL.
Old McStinger's Engagement with TIN
ROclking.Chalr.

Old McStinger's Engagement with the
ROcking-Chair.
Old McSSSiuger was going to bed a
little wavy the other night, and not
wishing to disturb Mrs. McStinger, who
has a tongue kearat-tail file, hethought
it just as well not to turn on the gas
He got along very we'll until he reached
the door of the chamber where his pa
tient wife lay sleeping. Here he paused
moment, balancing on his heels like a
pole on juggler's nose. Then he made
dash for it, in order to make bee
line across the floor. Mrs. McStinger,
with her usual exemplary fortitude, had
placed the rocking chair with sucn gifted
skill that no man could come into the
room without running over it SO the
first thing he knew McStinger stubbed
his toe-naD off againnt the rocker, which
knocked the seat against the crazy bone
of his knee, and made one of the long
arms prod him in the stomach. Stimuli
taneously he fell over the chair cross
wise, and it kicked him behind his back
before he could get up from the fsor as
he stood on all fours. The engagement
was now fully opened. When a man
begins falling over a rocking chair in a
dark room he ought always to have
three days rations and forty rounds.
Before McStinger could get up straight
his knee came down on one of the long
rockers behind, and the back of the
chair came down on his head with
whack that laid him out fet on the floor;
and, before he could move, the chair
kicked him three times in the tenderest
part of his ribs, with the sharp end of
the rocker. This made him perfectly
furious, and he scrambled up and made
blind rush at the chair. determined to
blow up the Uenemy's works. He ran
square against the back and it rocked
forward with him, turning complete
somersault over the handles, throwing
McStinger half way across the room
and landing on top of him, digging into
his abdomen like a bulls horns, as he
lay spread out on the under side. It
would have been a good thing for
McStinger if he had laid still then and
let the chair have its own way. 1t lay
fat on his back, with the long points Of
the rockers embracing his abdomen,
and didn't seem to want to do anything
active Just then. But McStinger
couldn't make up his mind to give it up
yet. He rolled over sideways and up
set the chair. It fell with a crash on
it's side, giving him furious dig in the
| liver, which made him straighten out his
| legs spasmodically, barking one shin
from the instep to the knee on the
rocker which hung in the air, and setting
the chair on it's feet again, where it
stood rocking backward and forward at
him, like wary old ram making feints
of buttlng its adversary. in order to
throw him off his guard. The blow in
the side nearly finished McStinger. and
while lying there rubbing mis- wind back
| again, he was just beginning to reflect
whether his honor required him to pro-
ceed any further In the affair, when Mrs.
| McStinger suddenly began screaming
all the names in the crimes act, under
| the impression that the Charley Ross ab-
ductors were trying to commit burg
larry, bigamy, robbery, and everything
! else on her. Up to this time she had
| lain there trembling, shedding perspir-
| alton and accumulating shr1eking power,
until she had gained the screaming ca
pacity of camel-bsck engine. She had
just reached her third sforzosselo fortis-
si71o GcceIeTando, and was beginning
/ to wonder whether there was q God
in Israel, when old McStinger sue
ceeded in getting to his feet once more
and became dim1y visible to Mrs. Nc
| Singer. With one last wild parting
shrek she sprang from the bed and
made dash for the door, near which
the rocking chair still stood menaclng
the whole universe with butting
motion. Mrs. McStinger had no time
for investigation just then, and she
pitched into and over the rocking chair
| and clear on down stairs, the chair after
her, turning over and over, and kicking
Mrs. McStinger every bump until
they both landed in the hall below,
where the chair broke all to atoms. This
ended the fight.
IF wives will learn from this sad story
not to leave rocking chairs standing
around the middle of the room for theil
poor husbands to fall over, we shall moi
have written in vain.-C Columbus Jour
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