The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-06-12
VARIETY.

A CHURCH FAIR-The beautiful being who
sings soprano
Why have chickens no hereafter? Because
they have their necks twirled in this.
Little JOHNNY heard somebody crying in
there, and it wasn't ma nor the doctor" Sissy
So May be it was the kitten"
FoR FEAR.-Physicians recommend the omission
Of all words Of sixteen syllables at the spell
ing-achoOls, for fear Of lock Jaw.
Talk about the poetry OF motion and sylph-like
grace, but did you ever stand By and see woman
use n one tined fork to aOp stove cover Oh?
A eonf.ctioner, who twelve years ago taught
his parrot TO say " Pretty creature" to every lady
who entered his shop, ~ now n millionaire
The model husband OF the period is the man
who viii hold the baby for couple OF hours every
night while his vile catches up with the trial.
"John, John, wake up; there's burglar in
the house." said the wife John sat upright IN
bed " Burglar. b-u-r-g-l-a-r-burglar" and
he rolled over, waiting for a harder word
r.rLm.-"Papa. are you growing taller all
the time % - No my child, why do you ask ~
'' Cause the top Of your head Is Poxing through
your hair"
Has THE RIGHr.-The W01sal'S Journal says
that every woman has n right to say "by gosh "
when she stumbles over the cat and shoots under
the table
AcRoRArIc DlsPLAY.-At recent wedding, ac-
cording TO a local paper {" the bride walked on the
arm OF her father" The spectators must have
been surprised at such acrobatic display.
An indianapolis paper says Of an Indiana Sem
aror: ' His chagrined look when he clutches
that pointed beard TO milk his brains. and they
won't give down. has a most depressing look to
all behOlders-"
Of he
Mercury says that an evidence Of the popularity
Of the hymns Of Messrs. Moody and Sankey, is
the fact that they have been adopted the iounda
ton for n set Of quadrilles.
WAS A Coon CLocx.-'' That clock. stranger"
said a Michigan farmer, " was the best kind OF
clock up to six months ago, when my daughter
began 70 have beaux, and now the blamed thing
is always two hours toe slow
Double DIFFICULTY Can't the Chinese be
trained to eat graSshoppersF Is the question that
agonises one part of the great West; while an
other is riven with anguish over the great inquiry
"Can't they train the grasshoPPers to eat the
Chinese ?"
DEMONSTRATING of the travelling of sound,
a lecturer said :: - The voice Of a woman can be
heard further than that of a man." a. Yes, and
ofteuer, said disgusted looking man, who was
not happily fixed at home
The British public Offices now print most long
For EIOO year, including the cost OF paper, the
work of several copying clerks is done. 1t thus
appears that the printer Is driving out the coPyst
:. Did YOU steal the complainant's eoat?'' asked
n magistrate of a seedy individual arraigned be-
fore him :. 1 decline to crafty the morbid cur
;oa;tv of the public by answering that question:,
responded the seedy individual, with glance at
the reporters
Max Adeler saws: a Coroner Of ours seized
-, Egvntjan mummy that was brought into town,
summoned a jury. held an inquest on the mummy,
brought in a verdict Of Death from causes un,
known. Gnd charged the county with the usuai
Ise with compound interest from the time OF
Moses"
Reader. never make a fool OF yourself 6y writ
-. Jet,sr vvbiIe in q passion, to anybody, how
sver biob or however low. And even II under
reat nr,yoca tiou take noble pride in exhibiting
the diznihed courtesy OF gentleman ana tne
f,rbearance Of Christian; and remember, the
more Won gIoat over the severity OF what you nave
v-ritten. the more Of an you will be Tor send
ing or publishing IT.
LOVE- OF PuPn FOR TEAcHER--Passing one OF
.be rirv schools Yesterday. listened to the
scholars singing, 80 oh how, love my teaener
dear" There was one boy Win 4 VOICE IKE
tornado. who was enthusiastic that ne en-
,b.-ised everv word, and rOared I" oh, now
- M teacher DEAR with n force that LEFT no
no-.ibie doubt of his affection len minutes
afsar that boy had been stood on the moor LOT
nuttinz shoemaker's on his teacher chalr.
got three deunerit marks Tor drawing picture 0
p ,-;,b red chalk ON the back Of an atlas, been
well shaken for putting bent pins IN another
boV's chair, scolded for whistling out loud, sen
tened 10 stay after school for drawing moustaches
on bis face and blacking another boy nose, ana
soundIy whipped for slnpping 339 ehewed paper
baIIS M against the ceiling, and throwing oig
one into zirl's ear. You can't believe hall
how avs when be sings.-AHoieaH paper.