South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-04-30
WIT AND x5URosx.


WIT AND HURON.
RA man down East returned hi.
newspaper to the printing Office with
'.jackass' written on the margin, and in
the next issue the editor stated the fact.
and wound up the paragraph by asking
"Will our indignant subscriber let us
know at what stable he can be founG.'
~ Scipio Africanus, all dressed up
IN his new clothes, yesterday called at q
Fourth street cigar store for a .'two-bit
cigar, sir" Would he taye it "stronp
or mild?" "Well, boss" said Scipio'
mot too strong nor too mild-one dat 5
abcxs pro rata"
Up. was attacked with disease for
which his physician prescribed calomel.
Alter he had taken il for some time. one
day the doctor asked him If the medi-
cine had in any manner affected his
teeth. II don't know" family whisper
ed r., "but you can see; they are in
the top drawer Of the bureau. Mrs. u.
will hand them to YOU"
gan Irishman, addicted TO telling
strange stories, said he saw a man be.
headed, with his hands tied behind him.
who directly picked up his head and put
1t on his shoulders in the right place
"Ha ha ha !" said bystander show
could he pick up his head when his
hands were tied behind him?"-"And.
sure, what purity fool We are =" said
Pat. "And couldn't he pick it up wild
his teeth2"
An OBLIGIEG HOTEL GUEsr.-The
other evening a kind looking old man
was escorted to room on the third floor
OF hotel to pass the night and it wasn't
five minutes before the bell indicated
that he wanted to see n waiter. A CO.
lored boy ran up, stuck his head into
the room and asked what was wanted.
The old man said he didn't want any.
thing, but the waiter was hardly down
stairs before the bell rang again.
did you want sullin?" he inquired.
as he reached the room again.
Nothing" replied the old man. rs he
opened the door.
'In about two minutes his bell ranp
again and this time the waiter exclaimed.
"lf you don't want muffin what ar We
pullen' de bell fur?''
81 want to oblige the waiter" replied
the old man.
DE Waitah Oblige the watah?"
~ es, 1t says here. Please ring the bell |
for the waiter" and if he wants It runr
I'm willing to oblige him, though I'm
tired and sleepy and shant pull it more'n |
four times more unless | know that some |
of his family are sick
a LEGAL WAG.-Judson +. Mills O, |
South Carolina, was Judge OF the Dis |
trict Court in Northern Texas. and fond
of joke, but was very decided in the
discharge of his duty Thos. Fannin !
Smith was a practicing lawyer at the |
bar, and having shamefully miss.statel |
the law in his address to the Jury. turn. |
ed to the court, and asked the Judge to |
charge the jury accordingly. The judge
was indignant, and replied:
Docs the counsel take the Court to |
be fool?"
Smith was not abashed by this reproof, |
but instantly responded:
81 trust your Honor will not insist on
an answer to that question, as | might |
in answering it truly. be considered gull. !
ty of contempt of court"
Fine the counsel ten dollars, Mr.. |
Clerk" said the Judge.
Smith Immediately paid the money. |
and remarked, ut was ten dollars more
than the court could show"
Fine the counsel fifty dollars" said
the Judge.
The fine was entered by the Clerk. /
and Smith not being able to respond in
that sum, sat down.
Tho nnVf ynCr,,;pcr t1,z cl
the Court Smith rose, and, with much
Difference of manner began:
May it please your Honor. the Clerk
TOOK that little joke Of yours yesterday
about the fifty dollars as serious. rs I |
perceive from the reading of the min. |
utes. Will your Honor be pleased to i'm. |
form him ofhs error and have it erased" |
The GOODNESS of the request and the
implied apology pleased the Judge. and .
he RENTED the fine
y Poor Irish woman with six chill. /
caen TO railroad ticket agent =. please (
sir, give poor WILDLY with six orphan
children g ticket 90 Milwaukee," Tick. |.
ct agent What have / TO do with your
orphan children? | amt their father /
am ~ Woman: That YOU amt. sir
their father was dacent man"
- An exchange says it looks as
though man was ashamed TO publicly /.
show himself in company with ladv /.
when he hangs about the church doors on /
Sunday evenings. as was the case OF the F.
Methodist Church, in this place. on Sun. F.
day night week, waiting and watching
for her 70 make her appearance. 50 that
he may sneak up TO her in the darl, and I.
offer his escort.