The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-05-27
Wit and HumOr.
SPIRIT of the press-Cider.

SPIRIT OF the preSS-Clder.
AFFAIRS in Japan-Tea-caddies.
THE Indian quesGon-Arms or aims
THE observed of all observers-Venus
in her transit.
DANGERS -ArooT- Banana skins aaaa
orange peels.
WHISKY is more easily rectified than
the mistakes it causes.
If q man lives exclusively o.. vegeta-
BILE, is the fluid in his veins blood or
sap9
OF what beverage did Julius Caesar
die? Of Roman punch, administered
by Brutus.
BUTY is woman's prerogative; but
buty in man IL the next kalamity to
being fool.
THE New York hats are said to remind
the beholder of Long Branch hotel
all piazza and band.
The uncertainty of the known makes
us more ANXIOUS concerning the certainty
of the unknown.
THE hair of young Lady in Vermont
turned white in single night. She fell
into -four barrel.
THE man who knows all about drains
and such like sanitary contrivances may
fairly be ranked as connoissewer.
AN Illinois editor bought his ink by
the Jug full, because he could get 1t
cheaper, but his wife went to fill the
inkstand one morning and found it wasn't
ink, by a jug full.
DISTRICT Visitor Oblandly)-" Well,
dame, and how do you find things, nowa"
Crusty old cottager-" How do L find
things2 Why, by looking arter 'em, to
be sure-drat you l''
Az actor being recently absent from
rehearsal, the stage manager said he must
be fined. "But before he is fined he
must be found" suggested the low COM
edy actor of the company"
CLARA LOUISE KELLOGG tells untruths.
She says, for instance, she wouldn't
marry the best man in America. 1t Is
Joke, however. She knows we've been
married number of years.
A PERSON was told that three yards OF
cloth, by being wet, would shrink one
quarter of yard. "Well, then, he in
duired, eff you should wet a quarter of
a yard, would there be any left9"
AN Iowa paper tells of smart wife
who helped her husband to raise seventy
acres of wheat. The way she helped
him was to stand in the door and shake
broom at him when he sat down to rest.
In this part of the country when two
long separated friends meet they shake
hands and exclaim, "My dear fellow,
I'm awful glad to see you, but out III
Denver they come up, and, whacking
each other on the back, exclaim: cold
pard, I've fouled We. Let's booze"
"WHAT do you do for living?" asked
farmer of a burly beggar who applied
at his door for cold victuals and old
clothes. 81 don't do nothing much, but
travel about" was the answer. "Are
you good at traveling?" asked the farmer.
"Yes, " replied the beggar. "Then let's
see you travel" said the farmer.
MAUD with much sympathy in her
voice." Only fancy, mamma, Uncle
Jack took us to picture gallery in Bond
. street, and there we saw picture OF
| lot of early Christians. poor dears, who'd
, been thrown to lot of lions and tigers,
who were deyouring them" Ethel
with still more sympathy(-" Yes. and
mamma, dear, there was one poorS is {,
: that hadn't got Christian"
AN ARCHAEOLOGICAL DIALOGUE.
Noah's wife
l What barking, grunting, snorting, growing!
What a believing, roaring, braying, lowing!
What a croaking, snarlng, yelping, neigmng!
r What bleating, gobbling, quacking, braying!
, What guggling, clacking, chrping, cawing
What purring, cacklng, twittering, Jawlng!
What grunting yowling, crying, growing!
What caterwauling, chuckling, bowling!
What belling, swapping, yapping bawiing!
1 What yelling, twittering, squeaklng, squaulnG!
| Really Noah, 1 know shall be driven stark
. Mad If don't Immediately get out of this ere Ark T!
n Noah
NV dear, you should know that contented mind is
continual feast,
And also that in life we must put up with every sort
n of beast!