The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-01-15
MISCELLANY.
Nibbs' Misfortunes.


to demolish an empty -four barrel, than
the poor gentleman was doomed to be the
recipient of far more painful batch Of
contusioDs.
One morning, at the breakfast table,
Mrs. Nibbs informed Mr.. NIbbs that the
grapevine was in a shocking state, and
sadly needed trimming She also re-
quezted him to perform the operation.
He refused.
After spirited debate, during which
the kitchen table was overturned, and
Mr.. Nibbs received well buttered pan
cake square between the eyes, he finally
consented.
Grasping the bread knife, and not
needing Mrs. Nibbz, who advised him 10
attire himself in some cast-of garments.
he sailed out into the back yard.
Grasping one Of the Stats, Mr.. Nibbs,
with boy-like agility, rapidly ascended
the arbor. He had almost reached the
top when an accident occurred.
One of the Stats gave way and he fell
gracefully downward.
Mr. Nibbs, with great presence ofmind
snatched franctically at the sky, but
missed his grab, and succeeded in plant
ing his head, up to the ears, in the grass
plot. Hastily regaining his feet he
gazed searchingly about in order to see
if his downfall had been observed by the
prying eyes of his neighbors. Yes, his
misfortune had been witnessed by Mary
Ann Moran, the servant girl who was
employed next door.
Mary AIMS mirth was extremely ag
gravating to the feelings of the unfortu
nate Nibbs, and he seized large stone.
Stepping back several PAGES, to give i'm
petuosity to the missile, he ran with all
his might, and then hurled the stone at
the humorous handmaiden next door.
Mr.. Nibbs' vengeance would probably
have been complete but for an unexpect-
ed interruption.
In his blind rage he failed to observe
that the clothes line lay stretched direct
ly across his path. Consequently, while
he was at the top of his speed, with ev-
the said line caught him directly under
the chin. Mr.. Nibbs flew violently
backward and struck the woodhouse
with a sickening crash. The stone fell
short of the mark, and went wiggling
through the back basement window.
Mr.. Nibbs finally recovered his breath
and gave vent to his pent emotions in
series of new and original epithets.
Nibbs is man of great resolution,
and nothing daunted by the rebuffs he
had experienced, he proceeded to mount
the arbor again-this time with much
less boyish agility, however
In his ardor Mr.. Nibbs stretched his
body forward to its full extent. The slat
creaked. Mr.. Nibbs, fearing that the
slat was breaking, threw himself sud
denly backward. In so doing, the point
of inertia was thrown without the base,
and consequently, according to philoso-
phv, Mr.. Nibbs was bound TO fall.
Mr.. Nibbs was swooping down toward
the brick wall below, like some great
bird, when large hook intercepted his
flight The said hook bnried itself into
the bay window of his pantaloona, but
as the material was not strong enough to
bear his weight, he continued his down
ward conrse. and finally landed.
Had Mr.. Nibbs landed upon the brick
walk, we would now be writing an obit-
uary notice instead of humorous arti-
Gle.
Mr. Nibbs' wife, with her customary
thoughtlessness, had failed to replace the
cover over the well-hole, and splash into
the we'll sailed Mr.. N.
The water was very deep, and unpleas-
antly cold, and the luckless Nibbs began
treading water, and mumbling, "Now 1
lay me" etc, at a great rate.
Mrs. n. heard the crash of the break
ing Stats, and reached the door just in
time to see Mr.. Nibbs disappear like
some great bull frog into the we'll. Seiz-
ing long clothes-p pole, she, after much
exertion, succeeded in rescuing the i'll
starred Nibbs from a watery grave.
The excitement was too much for him,
and for several days he lay at the point
of death, expecting every moment to be
his last.
And now if any person wants to know
just how it feels to be struck with pile
driver, just let him request Mr.. Nibbs
to favor him with brief synopsis of the
adventures experienced by novice in
endeavoring to perform the labors of a
gardener, especially that branch which
relates to the grating and pruning Of
trees and vines.