Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-07-30
HUI e

A bashful and not over-educated fellow
went to see his girl the other night, and as
he started away he put his arm around her
waist and whispered in her ear, dearest,
love you;" and she responded sweetly, edit
to-" meaning, of course, a reciprocation of
his tender passion. The young man could
not find "ditto' in his vocabulary, and
asked his father the next day as they were
hoeing cabbage, what it meant. The old
gentleman rested moment OH his hoe,
and pointed to the cabhag &c in front OF him
with the remark: g Gu see that cabbage?"
eyes," responded the youth s'And you
see the next one there?" eyes" sWell
that is called sditto.''' damn her!" ex-
claimed the impetuous youth, sfshe called
me a cabbage head.'
When little Johnny Pearl, who lived in
New Haven, was three years old. his faith
er was frequently called from home on
business. One evening, Willie he was
absent on one Of these journeys, which
took him to Natchez, Johnny's mother
was hearing his prayers, "Our Father who
art'' &C., when Johnny raised his head
from its place on his mothers knee, and
looking up earnestly into her face, said,
Mamma, Johnny's tired saying 'our Faith
er who art in heaven;' let's say our father
who art in Natchez.' y
and Worcester, Mass, having been terribly
annoyed by drummers, put up a sign: No
sewing-machines wanted here. Got one. :"
1t was no use; the next drummer wanted
to see the machine, "and perhaps he'd
hitch up trade' So the farmer put up
''Gct the smallpox here" That worked
well for little while, but then came along
a drummer frightfully pitted with the
smallpox, who smilingly said: ''Seeing
you've got it bad here they've put me On
this route.''
Some of the company at tea with Dan
bury family spoke of the excellence Of the
honey, whereupon the head of the house,
who stands in reputed dread Of his wife,
feelingly said, ''Honey is the most deli
cious OF all delicacies. 1t is the nectar of
beautiful flowers, slipped from brilliant
petals by the never-tiring bee, and mould
ed into a glory that would tempt the god
Of ''Ephraim!" enunciated his wife
with stern solemnity, 'have you been
drinking again2" Ephraim groaned.
A Detroit mother sent her boy to the
store the other day to get her IL linen dress.
anUhe returned with fourteen yards of
black cambria. II told you to get linen!'
she exclaimed, standing aghast. II know
it. but this is cheaper, and the clerk said
that if any of us should happen to die
you'd have mourning dress in the house!'
was the cool repIy.-DetroH Free Press
A downtown resident wants d partner
in the pie-plant business. 1t takes four
pounds of sugar to one pound of pie-plant.
He wants the partner to furnish the sugar,
he being willing to furnish the plant AID
divide the proceeds half and half A fine
opportunity for Il poor man who can't at-
ford to have pies on Sunday, to get them
cheap.
Don Piatt's house in Washington took
fire one Sunday morning. He superin-
tended in person, the moving out of his
parlor furniture. The mercarried piano
down the front steps and placed it Oh the
sidewalk. ''Here, boys" said Don, ''don t
leave that there, OF the fremen will play
on IT'D
A man who cheats in short measure is
rneasureless rogue. Ii in whiskey, then he
is rogue in spirit. II 10y classifying his
accounts, then he is an unaccountable
rogue. If he gives a bad title to land, then
he is a rogue indeed. If he gives short
measure in wheat, then he is "a rogue in
grain.
What is the difference between sperma-
ceti and a scho0lboy's how'll One is the
wax produced by the whale, and the other
is the wall. produced by the whaeks.
A fellow who was up in police court
recently gave his occupation as that of a
s'conchologist," and explained by saying
he opened CLAIMS at market.
A pugilistic Irishman in England Being
bound over to keep the peace of all British
subjects remarked, 1.-THE Lord help the
first foreigner | meet''
A lively urchin accosted q drug store
man the other day: sinister. please gimme
a stick Of licorice, your clerk goes with
my sister,
A veteran storekeeper says that although
his clerks are so talkative during the day
they are always ready to shut up at night
Out in Montana, when they start Il man
down hill in barrel, they speak of his zap
pearance in a new role.'
Lilly Dale" OF whom poets have so
charmingly sung, languishes In a Chicago
house Of correction.
Isn't it singular, but true, that straight
ened circumstances do not tend to make
man walk straight.
The Snake Run Academy is the name of
an Indiana school. The scholars must all
be adders.
Why is a sawyer like alawyer? Because
whichever way he works. down comes the
dust.
Overstrained-Mrs. Mary Strain of
Pittsburg, who married three brothers.
When there is only one worm IL Is WeF
enough to be an early bird.
Colorado calls for more women. 1t mas
single one.