The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1875-12-23
CLIPPINGS.

WILL
Arkansas newspaper correspondents in
tho Legislature make assertions and back
'em up by saying 1--WE got six bullets
which says it's 50. ,. .s..>.z .s:.,..
That farmer understood human nature
who said: III you want to keep your boy
1T home don't bear too hard on the grind.
stone when he turns the crank"
Child ''Does the Lord take the papers!'
Mother mo my child; Why do you ask?'
Child ''Oh thought no didn't, it takes
our minister so long to tell him about
things!'
There is none Of Gods creatures for
whom the recording angel reserves larger
share OF pity than the man condemned to
wrestle With the average boarding. house
sirloin.
The world would be sandy desert of
consequences if women were not privi-
legged to attend auction sales and pay
more for an old bureau than new cham.
Der set would cost.
A Pittsburg woman says that ono
Thousand reporters souls could dance on
the point of : needle. The question of the
size of angels. souls was frequently dis.
cussed by the medieval monks.
Reading the great Surgeons declara.
ton, "a cigar is thing to thank God Tor"
4 navy yard school boy bought = cigar,
He was afterward seen hanging over =
fenoe,but he was not giving thanks.
A colored gentleman went to consult
one Of thu most "high toned" lawyers in
Boston, and after stating his case said
"Now l knows you's lawyer; but I wish
you would please sar, jiss tell me the
truf bout dat matter.
A widow, being cautioned by her min.
lister about flirting, said she knew it was
wrong for maidens and wives to 6irt, bu:
the Bible was her authority. 1t said
''widow's mite" She was flirting awfully
at last accounts.
A lady, whose family was very much
in the habit of proposing conundrums.
was one evening asked by her husband, in
an excited tone: ''why are al these doors
left open!' II give it up" instantly an.
swered the lady.
A Dubuque youngstcr, learning that
tanning could be used to make the skin
tough in exposed places that chatting and
blisterirg would not occur, acted accor.
dinghy; and now any amount CT the pater.
nal hand and shingle has no terrors for
him.
Pshaw! It's easy enough to put up
stove.pipe. All you have got to do is to put
On your kid gloves, take up your cane,
and leave word at the timers, and when
he gets ready, and can't think Of any
other job and Doesn't want to 70 fishing,
he will put your stove up.
An honest old gentleman from rural
county, who came down to New York to
spend the sabbath with friends, was asked
by one Of them what the people up his
way thought Of the Beecher scandle. He
replied that he never tried it and didcn't
know any thing about it, that he and all
his neighbors burned kerosene.
A little girl was once asking her elder
sister shout heaven. ''Do they play in
heaven?" she inquired, "No; they do not
play there "What do they do :"
''They sing and are good" "Are there no
toys therel" *'No not any" No'dolls, nor
balls, nor Noah's arks!' "Oh no!'' ''Then
I shall take my dolly and 60 to hell.''
The Vassar girl wrote home :-'Dee
Paw-Paw, We study Latin 70 ow.ha a
day. Fwench seven up and science evan
SO loung. The good matrons nevah let
me 60 owet. Won't you send me my
leggins and skates for poo little girl
who lives in tho village. Don't forget
the heel straps
Mrs. Gen. Mcdonald, wife of tho St.
Louis Whiskey Ring chief, lives At Ripon.
Wisconsin and mingles As freely and un.
concernedly as ever in society. The Nc.
Donald mansion is the largest and cost.
Hest, and contains more evidence of
wealth than any in the vicinity Of Ripon.
Mrs. Col. Joyce lives with Mrs. Nc
Donald.
The charge that Botkin, Of the Milwau.
kee Sentinel, has to pull on his undershirt
from below on account Of the size of his
ears, is base invention. We have known
Bot. over twenty.ore years, have slept
with him great many times and we know
I hat his ears are flexible. In cold wea.
Their we used to use the off one for an ex.
ira quilt
The King Of Denmark, has
been in England with his daughter
for week or two. It is
characteristic Of tho way in which distin.
guished persons are treated at the
English court that the Queen, has stead
lastly remained on the far.away High.
lands while her eldest sons father.in.law
has been here. 1t will be remembered
that she always stopped away while the
Empress Of Russia was in tho country.
Seest thou much snow left on the flag.
ging; verify it is in front of the house Of
the slothful man. He stitch by the fire
to keep himself warm, neither will he
part for scuttle of coal. When the
housewife crieth aloud for pail of water,
he hath not his boots on. In the dav
when the storm falleth he secludeth him.
self; he saith to the snow shovel, cha.
In. Let us rest in peace.' So his side
walk is an An abomination in the eyes Of
the people and his name is in every man s.
mouth.
When We consider the prevalence Of
the custom to dub every body who went
to the wars with the title of Captain,
Colonel, General, &c, there is = peculiar
appropriateness in the following resolu
ton which was introduced at . meeting
Of confederate soldiers 1t Atlanta, O.,
the other day. Resolved, that the Pres.
ident appoint committee Of one to in.
quire into tho matter Of whether there
were any surviving privates of the late
war.
The Rhode Island Legislature. At its