The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-11-19
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

companion to "A-dam Bede."-N. z
World.
} The New Bedford Mercury asks, "Whers
will the Rev. DR.. Azariah go now?" Lei
him stay at home and be D. D.-Lowel
Courier.
Neuralgia must be mighty little disease,
great as is the fuss made over it, for it has
got into Alexander q. Stephens stomach
Dan5ury Neus. .s
The question at present agitating church
choirs is whether cold Hundred" isn't
Nine ?''-Brooh1ya argus.
Some papers are always talking of their
independence and sneering at " organs. -
Isn't it better to be an organ than Tyre P
Alta California.
" Isn't your husband little bald" asked
/ one lady Of another, in a store, yesterday.
" There isn't bald hair i'll his mead, was
the hasty reply of the wife.-Dan5ury
Meas.
Several changes in the Government Bu-
reaus are promised shortly. A decrease in
the number of drawers would be an i'm
provement, we think.-N. Z. Commercial
| AdUertiser.
Caleb Gushing says that the United
States will have a population of so, 0O0, 900
IN five years from now, and yet he has nev-
er done anything that we can hear of to aid
the cause.-Detr0it Free Press.
Our exchanges have great deal to say
about g editorial ability" What a country
editor really needs is the ability to live on
four shillings per week and smoke his own
cigars. s.-L0gansport Pharos.
paradise is the name of a small town
in the West, and week before last seven
teen children were born there" Paradise
forsooth ! We should call it a "howling -
wilderness.-NorriStoen Herald.
According to Judge Jerre. Black the
| Government must belong to the highest
kind of high church party, for he says
that by claiming to make money out of pa
per it declares it's belief in the doctrine of
trausubstantiation. s.,
! A Detroit lightning-rod man says that
Zach Chandler is the meanest man that
could have been made Secretary. When
the agent called on him he at once yelled
out: "Tum-us! Tum-us. bring that pair
of boots with torpedoes in the toesr'-Free
| Press.
The Rochester Erpress says that tight
trousers are no longer worn. This is not
true. At any rate, we saw a man yester-
day in tight trousers. 1t was difficult to
tell, though, which was the tighter, the
man Or the trousers -Courter-Journag
Red Cloud asks $40, 100000 for the Black
Hills; but if, next winter, when his supply
of whisky and tobacco becomes exhausted,
he doesn't come down ten or fifteen dol
lars in his price, we are very much mistaken
in the man.-Norrtstoasn Hsragd.
Just because we had boy washing the
office windows the other day it's no reason
that people should call US proud. We
wouldn't lave done it but the kerosene can
was empty and we had got to have light
from some source.-Fultob Times.
"Humphr' grumbled cynical iudivid-
ual, as he first caught sight of one of
the emblems in the windows Of church in
Waterville; "that's well chosen, anyway
small cross and big crown; correct
measure of modern piety'' - Rennebec
Journal.
A rumor is in circulation that Governor
Iildeh can never be elected President be-
cause his coat tails are so near the ground.
1t is believed to be nothing but malignant
device of his enemies to frighten the Gov
ernor into wearing roundabouts. -Brostgyn
Argus.
Our two new stereotype plates" DR.. Fl.
I. Helmbold has again been sent to the
Bloomingdale Asylum" and CDR. H. T.
Helmbold has again been discharged from
the Bloomingdale Asylum''-are couple of
as handsome specimens of the art as type
foundry ever turns -Courser-JournaI.
An engineer was married in his loeomo-
tive in Maine last week. 1t is hoped that
the couple will always have 's tender at
attachment for each other.-Boston Post
And that neither will switch off from the
| straight track ofconjugal fidelity. Chicago
Times. Nor have the even tenor of their
speed broken in upon by any fast male ar
| rangement.-.St. Louis Times,
The regular receipt of postal cards bear
ing upon their ensanguined bosoms dire
| threats of assassination unless he foregoes
his attacks on the Catholic Church has
somewhat "rattled'' Bickham, of the Day
ton Journal, and he has ordered coat of
mail from blacksmith Of this city. A
neat little trap-door in the vizor admits of
the introduction of pepper-sauce at inter-
! vals.-Ind. Herald
/" The Prince of Wales will soon be in
| Lucknow. ."-Esehange. SNo doubt he'll
| have De'hi-tful time. st Louis Repab-
l5ea@. :" Let us hope he won't experience
any Agra-vating delays ON the route. -
| Chicago Times. e Nor attempt any Pun
jaubs among the foothills of the Himala-
vas. = Cincinnati CimnerciaI. Such JOKES
are enough to make the hair of Hindostan
| on end We Begun to stop. Indianapolis
Journal. If the Prince heard that he'd
| Rajah round Madras March hare. The
mar who said it would Benares end. and
that's what's the Mahatta his life wouldn't
/ be worth Pondieherry stones Buddhist
idol to Ponderabund what might happen to
him he'd Singapore song before Wales put
his Ceylon him for Goodgenal- Inter
Ocean.
9 a young poet sends us some verses
90 " Morning, Of which the following is
one:
:. Now Nature like drowsy giant stirs
Aside the curtains Of her tent are drawn;
3 rTJfz n -