The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1875-10-27

o1I, sttJS Gllo NNSeHelu IUCcFttSCf.
Our devil has been in deepmedita-
ton since the Charlotte Centennial
At first we thought he had been
caught in the tolls of some of the
beautiful daughters of tho Centen-
NAL city, but have recently dis
covered that he is composing an
epic on the Hornets Nest" We
picked up stray sheet the other
day which we publish. It is al
enumeration of the attractions of
the attractions of Charlotte, which
he seems to think arc her
'Rnilroads ana bussrs and hacks,
Corn whiskcy that don't pny the tax,
And Joseph Caldwell,
Who'sn bully youn. SWELL
With keen eye, you bet, for pinbacks." "
We accused him Of plagiarizing on
Buchanan of the Chester Reporter.
But his excuse is that great minds
think alike. Buchanan's rhyme said
that Charlotte had
"a Central Hotel,
a Joseph Caldwell
a rooster TINT catohes rats.
B. @. tl1e catches them we'll
~. Says Joseph CALDWELL,
''Hc catches them better than cats"
We're we disposed, we might tracc
as great q resemblance between
these fine poems as was traced be-
tween Poe's Raven and that other
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS. Blu t
we refrain. In the meantime
we propose Brother Buchanan and
our Devil as candidates for the posi-
tion of laureate at the Philadelphia
Centennial. We would also nomi
nate the hero of these epics as U. S.
Internal Revenue Collector. Under
his wise and energetic administra-
ton there would be no "crooked
whiskey." It would MI be "straight.
|. ---csp---
The PATENT CONVERSATION Pro.
MoTER AND GENERAL BORE ExrERM1-
NAToR.-This is the little of q new
invention which gentleman of this
County is perfecting for the uses and
purposes denoted by it's name.
1t has ever been source OF
misery to party-givers that all their
guests will not enjoy themselves. The
inevitable wall flower and door post
guard haunt every social gathering,
more especially those from which
dancing and cards are excluded Un
congonial persons nre thrown togeth
er for an entire evening, andit is i'm
possible to change them about. And
the awful uncertainty as to when one
will be relieved, adds greatly to cm
barrassment. Conversations" par
ties are frequently stiff, and the only
pleasant feature of the evening lies
in the signal for a. general departure
home. .....'
Now this defect can be remcdicd
by securing IL general commingling
OF the guests, and by having some
fixed " period during which each
couple must converse. These de-
sirable remedies will be afforded by
this invention in question, of which
we give, oftor inspection, arough out
line. There is a circular horizontal
revolving frame fixed beneath the
floor, and having uprights at inter
vals, passing up through circular
opening in the floor. On each ND.
right is placed a chair. Facing these
chairs, is an external circle of chairs,
or ottomans, or sofas as the the fancy
dictates. Upon the outer row the
lady guests are seated, while each
gentleman rs he arrives is placed in
one of the chairs on tho revolving
circle. This circle is moved at inter
walls by clock work, which can Sc
regulated to turn rapidly or other
wise, tho object being to bring each
gentleman in juxtaposition with
each lady at least once during the
evening. For instance if there are
twenty couples present and the dura~
ton of the entertainment four hours,
the machine is made to change it's
position by ono chair in every twelve
minutes. And still further to per-
feet the arrangement, click of
wariiing is given one minute before
each change thereby. allowing each
couple to properly conclude co,rver
sation, and not to be interrupted in
the midst of q sentence. This I'M
Provement was suggested by an ac-
cident which befel a couple at a trial
party recently. It seems that the
parties were properly seated, and
tho clockwork set in motion so as to
jump one chair every ten minutes
1t SO happened that q young couple
,oflovers were put facing each other.
" Some part of the machine not
working satisfactorily, the inventor
took the lamp out of the room with
him to examine into the difficulty.
The lovers seized the opportunity
fSyU1xl 0II