The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-01-21
The Day After New Years.
SOME MORE SCENES IN THE DETROIT POLICE
COURT.

/ SOME NUKE SCENES IN lhb DE1hOAA lOAANA4
COURT.
young man, this is a pretty way to
commence the year 1915. isn't it?" eX-
claimed his Honor, as Michael Smith stood
before him in pensive attitude.
"Pm sorry,' replied the prisoner.
"Yes, so am I. 1t gives me the heart
burn to see youth of twenty-five Hoped
out here on a charge of drunkenness. If
that's the way you start off the new year,
where do YOU expect to land at its clOSe?'
''I'll do better, sir-Tve sworn off,"
The court picked up his snuff-bOx,
gently tapped the bottom, removed the
| lid, inhaled a fragrant pinch, and con-
| tinued
"Mr. Smith, there's a scratch on your
nose, dirt on your chin, and you look de-
moraliZed out of your eyes, but I'll try
you. don't want to fall on ayOung man
like horse on a butterfly the first time he
comes here, but let the first also be the
last time with you. Consider, sir, that
you have made a narrow escape; go home
and be wise''.
NEW YEARS CALLER.
| John Robinson made New Years calls.
| He called on a saloon keeper, he calledfOr
liquor, called the liquor good, and drank
enough to trip him up. Then he called
| for police, and when the police came he
called them liars and such.
Il was having a little fun" he eX-
| planned, winking at his Honor.
"John Robinson, are you aware that
| this is a very solemn world ~ said the
court, ga world which has ten heart-aches
to one smile? Don't you know that the
grim shadow of grief rests upon every
doorstep, and that the tombstOnes in the
cemeteries almost Outnumber the trees in
the forest? There's wailing in every
household, John RObinsOn-theTe's grief
in every heart. And yet you claim that
You were only having little fun y
THAT'S all, your HOnOr-it was hOli'
day."
at was sad fan, John Robinson. While
all the rest of us were swearing OIL and
making dOuble-back-actiO resolves, you
were lying at the corner of an alley dead
drunk. 1t is five dollars or sixty days, sir,
and if this case was before Chicago pO-
lice justice he'd make it five hundred dol
lars or life sentence"
SOME FIGURING.
sits the last timer' exclaimed An
thony Hook, as he was brought out.
you've decided to quit, eh?'
"Yes, your Honor-yesterday was my
last drunk. I've been counting up the
cost, and I've made up my mind to live
Anthony Hook, you talk like mani
1t does me good TO hear a man speak up
that way in this day and age. It's like
finding ten-dollar bill while one is paw
ing over the clothes basket to discover
where the hired girl flung his Sunday
boots. Stand right up to your resolution,
sir. I've been figuring little, and find
that if a man will stop drinking liquor,
tea and coffee, go barefOoted, steal his
wood, get trusted for his provisions, cheat
the landlord out of his rent, stand up in
church to save pew rent, and live ecOnOm-
ically in other respects, he can save at least
for 400 years is 500, 1000. just think of
that Without any effort to speak of, you
can in time be worth 100000! You may
go home, sir J"
FIRST JOKE.
Elizabeth Mcnamara. a woman of fifty
wears old, got off the first Joke of the sea-
son, when she walked out and boldly an
nounced that it was her first appearance
here. Bijah laughed until his spectacles
fell off, the clerk grinned like copper
mine, and his Honor stopped pairing his
apple, stuck his knife into the desk, and
replied: ,e.
ERE front door is not more familiar to me
than the fact that you have been here
somewhere in the region of forty times.
What's the charge, this timer
''Taken drap-a bit OF little small
drap."
"I've let you off, sent you up, expOstu-
lated, pleaded and threatened, and yet you
come back here,' he said. Il was think
ing the other day that if l ever peered over
the desk at your freckled nose again, and
the charge was drunkenness, I'd have you
sawed in two with acrOss-cut saw and the
pieces split u for kindling-wOOd!
"DOn't do it, sir-send me up again."
81 shall make it three months"
81 don't care-only don't saw me in
twice ~ she gasped.
''Well,r he said, after pondering over
the case, we've been to $40 expense to
get the saw, and Bijah has anticipated
great fun, but I'll see what three months
will do. Go back and sit down on the
stove-hearth until the Black Maria goes
up"
COULDN'T STAND IT.
''This is Daniel Casey" said Bijah as he
handed out the last man, land l can tell
you why he was drunk"
ss Well ?''
"Casey wasn't sober !" continued the
old janitOr.
His Honor regarded him for a long time
without speaking, but finally said:
1.-The prisoner can go, and Bljah, if you
ever sit down ON this court with another
pun like that, and are accidentally shot
next day, your friends mustn't ask me for
any money to help buy monument" y
Free Press.
BELGIAN artists have been talking about
wonderful ehild-artist, who has unhap-
| PLY, by an early death, paid the usual
| penalty of precocious talent. His name
was Frederic van de KerkhOve, and al
| though he died before he was eleven, he
! hsal ~. IL pm