Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1875-12-31
MULTUM In PARyO.

WHEN is cOHee ike the edTln. Nnen
it is ground.
Why is mans life safest before he has
had dinner? Because he can't digest
| then.
Ice continues to be broken in different
parts of the country for drowning pur-
poses.
Why is Judges nose like the middle
of the earth? Because it's the scenter of
gravity.
Why is minister near the end of his
sermon like ragged urchin? Because
he's toward (or'd) his close (clothes).
G. b. PIERsoN, dairyman, of Greeley,
Col, has churned out 5000 pounds of but
ter this season, from which he realized
Sc, 800.
IT is claimed that Senator Jones has
discovered on one of his Nevada farms a
mine of CASTLE soap, but the story will
hardly wash.
A COUPLE of Bridgeport Conn., families
have built a twenty-fOot board fence be-
tween them, so as to keep from tearing
each others hair out.
THERE is a postotfice at Sonoma Town
ship, Cal, but it is without master, be-
cause none of the applicants could give
the $4,000 bond required.
A DoOLY COUNTY (Ga.) man who ran
away from his family and went to Texas
writes back that he took this step because
he couldn't make up the beds to suit his
| wife.
HAVE we ever thought before of asking
why fast black horse is like a patent
preparation of india-rubber? If we have
not, it's because it's an inky-racer.-N
York World. ..
frsxy on Jxo1 .strY,n fN
the man who kills the most squirrels in
the course of the year, and it went this
year to an old chap over seventy, whose
tally was 1,53S.
CHAT" said the tramp, rs the top
buckwheat; it has been used to keep the
others warm, and | don't eat no cover
Globe Democrat.
SAID a young man to his bachelor
uncle: "What advice would you give to
young man who was contemplating
matrimony?" 81 should advise him to
keep on contemplating it."
Mrs. MARY A. MURPHY, of Locke, Cayu-
ga County, N. Y, died recently at the age
of sixty-two. She had been afflicted with
elephantaosis, and had attained to the
enormous weight of $50 pounds.
SOME Norwegians have discovered a
large lake about fifteen miles from Beaver
Pass, in which the fish are so thick that
man could walk across the lake on their
backs; at least the discoveries say so.
"WILLIAM,n observed fond Danbury
| father to his hopeful son, " the prospect
| of war with Spain is no longer immi-
nent, so I guess you had better step out
in the yard and finish saving that wood"
The grateful William stepped out.
A LADY riding on the cars the other
day was amused by the question of little
girl who, hearing the conductor cry the
stations, looked up into her mothers
face and innocentlv asked: "Say, NAM
| ma, Go we get out at the next hOller?'
THE Supreme Court of Minnesota has
affirmed the constitutionality of the law
providing that State Inebriate Asylum
Shall be built and maintained at the cost
of the licensed liquor-dealers of the
State, and work ON the institution will be
begun at once.
WHEN is a lady's dress like an unfort-
innate bull-fighter? When it is gofed.
And when is 1t like partisan? When it
is biased. And when is it like topper?
When it is full. And when is it like the
sails of a ship? When it is trimmed
L0aceU Courier.
A QUAKERTowN man has solved Mrs.
Livermore's query: "What shall we do
with our daughters?" He has purchased
two washing machines and will take in
washing. His wife and seven daughters
are to do the work and he will superin-
tend the business.
ANTOINE JACKSON, a Chatfield (Minn.)
blacksmith, will raise a mules heel with
caution now. One of them planted his
hind heel square in the blacksmlth's face
and smashed his nose into respectable
wafer. Not respectable wafer mule
to treat blacksmith, but natural.
THE statement is made by the President
of life insurance company that it is a
fact that women live longer in this coun-
try than in any other. They are less ro-
bust and muscular than the women OF
other nations, but their tenacity of life is
strong, and their constitutions are suffi-
GENTLY enduring tokeep them alive ccnsid-
erably longer than their appearance, as a
general thing, would warrant.
A REMARKABLE instance of calculation
was recorded at Alymer, Can, recently,
where barber named Jonson, for bet Of
fifty cents, ran under the cars of a railway
train that was passing at round speed.
He won the wager, though he lost the
0pCl OI OfIc DOOb NY a WliCCi hhHc NfsAAN iii
pleasantly close as he emerged. The
man who lost the bet said he had expected
to win and get couple of dollars for at
tending the inquest.
A FEW days ago an elegantly dressed
lady got into Madison avenue New
York; car, and, although the day was
cool, she could not wear her gloves on
account of her many diamond rings. A
\. lo,1 fxrrso afATaYaad tho
the lady went to the door and, looking at
the team for few moments, said to the
driver: That 'ere off horse amt used to
bein' druv on that ERE side" And that
was Just the trouble, in spite of the dia-
monds.
THERE probably never was a shark that
had enough to eat; ne is, consequently,
the most uneasy and uncomfortable ami
NAL in the universe. The reason is, that
his whole makeup centers In his stomach.
He has enormous abdominal viscera, and
full a third of his body is occupied by
spleen and liver The bile and other di-
eestive Juices which are secreted from
such an immense apparatus and poured
continually into the stomach prodigiously
stimulate the appetite. A pig hath times
for eating and knoweth his hour OF SUM
Der, and is very Frenchman in dellcacy
of eating compared to shark. The lat
ter has the finest teeth found anywhere,
and he uses them the least, except 10 tear
flesh. He never masticafes, wnlcn not
only draws on his stomach but allows
swarm of parasites to enter which irritate
the intestines, induce dyspeptic diathe-.
sis. and the poor knight of the order OF
plagiostomes bounds through the water
in search of anything that will fill his
NAV and ease his pain. The shark IS