The Hartford herald. [volume] (Hartford, Ky.) 1875-1926, 1875-12-08

squash up, pull-back dress invention
which lam selling for only 81. Ladies
call me a.
Hold ont shouten the husband and
father, until ! call my other daughter,
and he waltzed out of the room, and re-
turned with the hired girl and the
chambermaid,
You see, ladies' began the agent;
this is a Aop-over and stand-you-up
magical, tragical, two strings to the
right one in center, invention for pull
ling back your skirts and he went on
for half an hour, during which time
the husband slipped over to the next
house and induced the inmates to come
over and hear the agent talk. He re-
turned with six women and four chill
dren, just as the agent was winding up
for the fourth time. Escorting one
person into the room at time, he had
the agent to tell each one about the in
vention. He stationed a small boy
out in the hall, with lead pencil, who
was instructed to make a mark on the
wall every time the agent repeated his
story. The stock he had brought in
was exhausted about noon, when he
sent messenger around the ward to
send in the neighbors, and the agent
was kept telling his story without i'm
PERMISSION until near midnight.
As the sun disappeared behind the
western horizon, the agent began to
show signs of fatigue, but the husband
was as fresh as ever. Eleven minutes
to II o'clock, the agent, who had just
completed his yarn for the two hun
dred and sixteenth time, looked up
g.sping. A glass of water was thrown
in his face, and the husband told the
boy to run half a dozen more persons,
for he thought he could finish the
agent now in about an hour and a half
The boy left TO rouse up the neghbor-
hood, to find half a dozen who had not
vet heard the story of the invention.
When he was absent, frequent stimu-
lants had to be given to prevent the
4aeeat from fainting- Shortly -tha hoy
returned, saying that no more neigh
bors could be found, as they had all
gone on an excursion. The husband
hearing this was in despair, but he had
the agent to repeat the story to him a
couple of times, a couple of times to
the boy and once to himself. When
he had finished, he was SO far exhaus
ted as to be unable to sit up.
A fiendish smile stole across the fea
lures of the husband as he said:
Young man, / have hoped for thi
moment. have been haunted almos
to death by agents. The last man tina
| came along swindled me out of 81, anC
L then took terrible oath l would b
revenged upon the next man that at
tempted to seduce me. Know, then
!, that have induced these persons, VIII
! have listened to your eloquence, t
come in, that / might turn your OIL
weapon against you. You have talke'
: yourself to death. Thank heaven,
have succeeded in my revenge. Yo
can live but a few moments longer
i, but before you die l pray you to re
peat again that well known story
= The agent braced himself up agains
the side of the room, a glass of waite
;, was given him, and he began:
. You see, I have a dOuble-dr
n plex- .-.t-
u And he was dead.
d The coroner was summoned, an il
u quest held, the jury returning vel
et dict that the deceased came to h
" death by too much circmulocution oftf
N jaw, and they contributed their fees
IN the husband, and caused a diploma
be awarded him as a testimonial
.e the good he had done the public.
n Any one now passing Munson sire
p can see a sign hung on the front do
"A of a fine mansion, which read
a agents BEWARE
The other day a Vicksburg fathe
y finding it necessary to reprove his so
gently said: "Don't stuff victuals in
your mouth that way, my son; Geor
HI WASHINGTON didn't eat after that fas