The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1875-03-10

Smudge had ransacked various books for name,
and as the sixth Of the latest edition Of Smudge
was Indicative Of toll in the ranks Of men, as the
infant looked strong-almost warlike-a great
name was thequest OF its distracted parents Mrs.
S. wanted it named after some Bible character.
Smudge suggested Samson GOIiah which would
typify strength; Mrs. s leaned TO Moses Samuel,
mathematical Of weakness.
Smudge had declared that he would expose the
child to the measles before it should be nick.
named Nose or Sam. Then he limited at Jonah;
but Mrs. S. would listen to no such monogram.
She didn't want her last chids name connected
with the fish story Already they had named
child Haman, and she was sure that he would be
hanged some dag. Seeing that no scripturaI
name could be agreed upon. she suggested Omega,
reminding Smudge that they had named their
first child Alpha.
you don't call this one Omega, sand Smudgp.
I'm pat the name away, and when We want it III
let you know. How would Martin Luther dol"
I'm Baptist, am, Smujge p retorted Mrs.
s, coloring. don't want any Lutheran names
in this house. For your mothers sake allowed
one of my children to be called Jonathan Wesley
She don't poke any Methodist names on me again
If Luther had been a Baptist the name might do.
There's Roger Williams. Roger Williams
Smudge would sound well. He could write it r.
Williams Smudge, you see"
But he never will, cried the parent with de-
termination. Roger Williams was Baptist, and
you know, Mrs. Smudgo, that don't lean that
way I'd sooner call him Tom Paine"
Call him Tom Paine, and LII kill him before
he's weaned"
"You like Puritans Mrs Smudge Call him
Miles Standish."
No, sir! don't want my child to grow up
with any such ouIlandisb name. You called our
second boy Plymouth Rock Smudge and that
name will hill him before be votes. No more
Puritan names"
You're the conloundest particular woman
ever saw retorted Smudge III il had been
girl we would have called her Cleopatra Octavia."
"No we wouldn't! Our fourth girl now groaus
under the name of Olympia Tarpeia 1t will make
her an old maid, You like a strong name-Go-
lah, for instance, a Baptist one. Let's call
the baby Roger w. Goiah smudge."
Put the Bible name irst.'
al won't do III"
"1'hen Wen call him something else"
"My fathers name was Joshua Gideon, meek
ly suggested Mrs. S.
what do | care if it was? None of my
children shall be called after any Of your relatives
That's settled Let US fall back on a late name,
Garibald for instance"
"0r Bonaparte."
(which one?"
mo won't have him called Napoleon re-
torted Mrs. s. firmly. "Smudge, you're the
worst individual ever lived with. You won't
listen to anything propose"
"Then call the boy Daniel Webster. always
admired the old statesman"
sour family shant be disgraced by a whig
name" said Mrs. Smudge. " Lafayette is a
great good name"
Smudge thought he was on the eve Of sug-
costing the name OF the great Freuchman him
self
He must have a middle name"
Lafayette Williams" said Mrs. S.
There's your old Baptist name again tell
you Roger Williams shant in any form hang to 1
hat boys coat tail"
Then you shant call him Lafayette"
And thus the quarreling over the christening
continued for six mortal hours. Finally the of.
fair was settled. Smudge's twelfth baby is TO
he face world with the simple cognomen of John
Smudge.