The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-03-05
MISCELLANY.
Brassier's Son Claudius.


! Brassier's Son Claudius.
The Detroit Free Press adds this Ia
+ test picture TO his humorous miscellany:
/ Mr.. Brassier, who lives on Ninth avenue,
/ has a son about II years old named
( Claudius, and the other evening this boy
/ received permission 70 allow a neighbOr's
/ boy TO stay all night with him. The old
/ people slept down stairs in the sitting
room, and the boys were put into room
directly above When they went up to
bed Claudius had the clothes line under
his coat, and the neighbor's boy had a
mask in his pocket. They didn't kneel
down and say their prayers like good
little boys and then jump into bed and
tell bear stories, but as soon as the door
was locked the Brassier boy remarked:
You'll see more fun :around here to
night than would lie in ten acre LOTT
From closet they brought out cast
of suit of Brassier's clothes, stuffed them
with whatever came handy, tied the
mask and straw hat on for head. and
while one boy was carefully raising the
window the other was tying the clothes
line around the "man" The image was
lowered down in front of the sitting
room window, lifted up and down once
or twice, and old Brassier was heard to
leap out of the bed with great jar. He
was just beginning to doze when he heard
sounds under his window, and his wife
suggested that it was a COW in the yard.
He got up, pulled the curtains away and
as he beheld a man standing there he
shouted out:
Great bottles! but it's a robberr and
he jumped into-bed.
Theodore Brassier, are you a fool.
screamed the wife as he monopoIized all
the bed-clothes to cover up hls head.
BE quiet, you old jade, you he whis-
pered perhaps he will go away
Don't you call me jadep she replied,
reaching over and trying to find his hair.
Git up and git the gun and blow his
head off
oh, you do itp
Git up, you old coward! she snapped.
I'll not live with you another day if you
don't do it,
Brassrer turned up the lamp, sat up in
bed, and cried out:
is that you boys?'
Mercy on mep git upr yelled the
wife, as the straw man was knocking
against the window. !
I'll blow his head off as clean as milkp
said Brassier in loud voice as he got
up. He struck the stove three or four
times, upset a chair, and reached behind
the foot of the bed and drew out an old
army musket.
Now, then, for bloodr he continued,
as he advanced toward the window and
lifted the curtain.
The man was there, face to the glass,
and he had such malignant expression
of countenance that Brassier jumped
back with cry of alarm.
Kill him! Shoot him down, you old
IlOOulS-ISdu! the NlEes
4 will, by thunderI I willI' replied
Brassier, and he blazed away, and tore
out nearly all the lower sash.
The boys up stairs uttered yell and
groan, and Brassier jumped for the
window to see if the man was down. He
wasn't He stood right there, and he
made leap at Brassier.
He's coming in!-perliee!-boysI-
ho!-perliceP roared the old man.
The tattered curtain permitted Mrs.
Brassier, to catch sight of man jump
ing up and down, and she yelled?
'Theodorius, I'm going to faint
Faint and be darned boys!-perlicep
he replied, walloping the sheet iron stove
with poker.
Don't you dare talk that way to mel
shrieked the old woman, recovering
from the desire to faint.
'Po leece! Poleecev now came from
the boys up stairs, and while one con-
tinued to shout the other drew the man
up, tore him limb from limb and secre-
ted the pieces.
Several neighbors were aroused, aud
came up from the station, and a search
of the premises was made. Not SO much
as a track in the snow was found, and
the officer put on an injured look and
said to Mr.. Brassier:
"A guilty conscience needs no accuser.'
That's soD chorused the indignant
neighbors as they departed.
As Mr.. Brassier hung quilt before
the shattered window he remarked to
his wife:
Now see what an old cundurang you
made of yourselfp
Don't fling an insult at me, or I'll
choke the attenuated life cut of youp
she replied.
And the boys kicked around on the
bed, chucked each other in the ribs and
cried:
I'D rather be boy than be PRESIDENT