The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-06-15

liniment. The stranger halted in front of
residence; his smile deepened, and he
mounted the steps and pulled the bell.
lis the lady at home p he inquired of
the girl who answered the bell.
The girl thought he was the census
taker, and she seated him in the parlor
and called the lady of the house. When
the lady entered the stranger rose, bowed,
and said
MADAM, have just arrived in this
town after a tour extending clear down
to Florida, and wherever l went was
received with glad welcome
Did you wish to see my husband %
she asked, as he opened the tin trunk,
NO, madam deal directly with the
lady Of the house in all cases. A woman
will appreciate the virtues of my exter.
minator and purchase bottle where a
man will order me off the steps without
glancing at it,"
'Your-your What ? she asked.
MADAM, he replied, as he placed q
fJur-ounue phlal Vf dalA liquid vu tue
palm of his left hand, madam, l desire to
call your attention to my Sunset Bedbug
Exterminator. 1t has been tried at
home and abroad, and in no case has it
failed TO-
What do you mean, sir p she demand.
ed, getting very red in the face. Leave
this house instantly
Madam, 1 do not wish you 10 infer
from N.Y.
Il want you 10 leave this house /" she
sbrieked.
Madam, allow me to explain my
Il will call the police = she screamed
making for the door, and he hastily
locked his trunk and hurried out.
Going down the street about two blocks
he saw the lady of the house at the par
lor window, and instead of climbing the
steps he stood near the window and DO.
litely said:
Madam, don't wish to even hint that
any of the bedsteads in your house are
inhabited by bedbugs, but
What What's that p she exclaimed
Il said that | hadn't the remotest idea
that any Of the bedsteads in your house
were infested with bedbugs,' he replied.
Take yourself out of this yard = she
shouted, snatching tidy off the back of
chair and brandshing it at him
Beg pardon, madam, but should
like to call your
Get out = she screamed get out, or
I'll call the gardener =
Il will get out, madam, but wish you
understood
'J-a.w-n J.a.w.n.' she shouted out of
side window, but the exterminator
agent was out Of the yard before John
could get around the house.
He seemed discouraged as he walked
down the street, but he had Travelled less
than block when he saw a stout woman
sitting on the front steps of fine resi-
dence, flaming herself.
Stout women are always good na.
tured,' be soliloquized as he opened the
gate.
Haven't got anything for the grass
hopper sufferers = she called out as be
entered.
There was an angelic smile on his face
as he approached the steps, set his trunk
down, and said
My mission, madam, is even nobler
than acting as agent for distressed
community The grasshopper sufferers
do not comprise oue.hundredth part of
the worlds population, while my mission
is to relieve the whole world
Il don't want any peppermint essence,
she continued, as he started to unlock the
trunk.
Great heavens, madam, do resemble
peddler Of cheap essences ? he exclaim-
f ed. Il am not one. am here in De-
troit to enhance the comforts of the night
to produce pleasant dreams. Let me
call your attention to my Sunset Bedbug
Exterminator, a liquid warranted To-
Bed what p she screamed, ceasing to
fan her fat cheeks.
My Sunset Bedbug Exterminator. 1t
is to-day in use in the humble negro cab
F ins on the Arkansaw, as well as 10 the
royal palace of her Majesty O.
J You r.r.rascal you villyun ? she
wheezed; how dare you insult me
NJ
No insult, madam, it is pure matter
Of
Leave ! Git o.w.t . she screamed
, clutching at his hair; and he Lad to go
out in such hurry that he couldn't lock
the trunk until he reached the walk
He travelled several blocks and turned
several corners before he halted again,
, and his smile faded away to melancholy
grin. He saw two or three ragged chill
dren at gate, noticed that the house
was old, and he braced up and entered.
; Il WANTS no zoap,' said the woman of
the house, as she stood in the door.
, Soap, madam, soap? | have no soap.
r | noticed that you lived in an OLD house,
, and as old houses are pretty apt to be
,, infested
a i WANTS no bins or needles to-day !"
, she shouted.
Madam, am not pedder Of YAM
: kee notions he replied. Il am selling
a liquid, prepared only by myself, which
is warranted to
Il WANTS no baper COLLARS 9 she ex-
claimed, motioning for him to leave.
Paper collars have often been mis-.
taken for Shakespeare, madam, but never
before for a paper collar peddler. Let
4 me unlock my trunk and show
. Il WANTS no matches-no dobacco-uo
, cigars = she interrupted and her hus-
= band came around the corner and, after
. cycling the agent for o moment. re-
marked
III you don't be quick out of here
IS shall not have any shoking about it F"
!, At dusk last night the agent was sit
v ting on a salt barrel in front of a com,
II mission house, and the shadows of eve
o ming were slowly deepening the melau-
is choly look on his face.
q Josh Billings gives the folloHino ad