Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-05-30
WIT AND HUMOR.

wv l AM ---
THEY have now got SO that they bio.
nm whales with torpedoes, and 1t won
ha ,ono before the women will get nor
Of tho Invention and scatter an lntoxlca'e'
husband all over the ceiling.-De'r0'
Free Press.
THE Council Bluffs Nonpare@ is au
.bor;tv for the statement that the grass
honncrs ont West are in the habit o
gathering around the railway sta''ons u
Sec who comes to buy seed wheat.
0Jrr1us, why don't you oblong you
ot.r ~ tbc springs?n 'Kasc, Mr.. Snow
dey charge too much how 50; III ii,
lirs9v aWhy, de landlord charged ai'
colored individual wild stealth de spoons
WEATHER PRoGNosTIcAT1oN.- a
looks like rain," observed Nelson s'rec.
man to his milkman, as he received he
onart the other morning. The milkma1
was 80 uncertain about it that ne saio
MISUNDERSTANDING Meas.
CARE the young ladies of the present
day fit for wivesl" asked lecturer Oh he !,
audience. "They are fit for husbands,
responded feminine voice; but the trou u,
bic is that vou men are not fit for wives.
The applause was great, and so was ''ie
discontinue of the lecturer.
An I-ishman having jumped into the
wafer to save man from drowning, re-
ceived a sixpence from the rescued man
for a reward. Looking first at the SIX
hence and then at the man, he exclaimed,
L"Faith, I'm over-paid for the job"
JONES and Brown were talking lately
of a Young clergyman whose preaching
thew had heard that day. "What do you
think of him9" asked Brown. 81 think,
said Jones. 'he did better two years ago.
"Wby. said Brown, "he didn't preach
theni'' "True," said Jones, "that Is what
| mean"
A YoUNesrER, while warming his hands
over the kitchen fire, was demonstrated
with by his father, who said: "Go'way
from the stove, the weather is not cold.
The little fellow looking up demurely at
his stern parent replied: II ain t heatln
the weather. I'm warming my hands.
Two Irishmen, on a certain occasion,
occupied the same chamber In the
morning one of them inquired of the other,
"Dennis, did you hear the thunder in the
nieht9" "No Pat; did it really thunderT
.Yes; it Numbered as if hiven and earth
would come together" "Why, then, didn't
We wake me, for We know l can't Shape
when it thundersp
A CITIZEN of country town, noted for
dishonesty, was lately taken very i'll and,
becoming alarmed, sent for clergyman,
who came to see him and laid down the
divine law to him with great faithfulness
and emphasis. The sick man was much
affected and said "Well, parson, l think
you're right. I've made up my mind that
if get well I shall in future live princi-
pally honest"
SHE said, "Papa, won't you buy me
new dress2' "What, buy you new
dress, Susyl" "Yes, papa, won't you3"
"Well, I'll see. I'll speak to your mother
about it." Elongation to an alarming ex
tent rapidly spreading over that little
countenance, but thought suddenly
struck her, and, with a smile, she looks
up into her fathers face and said, swell, |
papa, if you do speak to mamma about it,
touch her easy, or she may want the new
dress herselfn'
MAKING BAD WoRsE.-A man and his
wife, who had been married ten years,
disagreed and determined to separate.
The terms of separation were to be de-
cided by the justice of the ACCOMPLISHMENT
in which they lived. Theyw were Parisians.
"Have you any children?" said the
Judge.
"Yes, Monsieur"
"How many?"
"Three: two boys and a girl, and it is
with them lies the difficulty. Madam
wishes to have two of them; so do l."
Have you agreed to abide by my de-
cision2'
"We have" said both of them.
Every well, my friends; condemn you
to have another child, so that you NAV
each have two. When you have obtained
that you may return to me-"
The matter was then adjourned for the
time being. Two years afterward the
worthy magistrate, who in the meanwhile
had heard nothing of the husband or wife,
met the former.
All" said he: chow about the separa-
tionY
Still impossible, Monsieur. Instead
OF four children, we have now five"