American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1875-11-13
MULTUM IN PARVO.

| s'noras.
WHY is life like a conundrum? Be
| cause many give it up.
THE hop crop in New York is fine but
sure to be malt-treated.
By circus clown: "The melancholy
days have come-the sawdust of the
year,
A SYDNEY telegram says that large
navigable river has been discovered in
New Guinea.
FAST mail trains are a success. But
the female train is so slow that you are
likely to step on it.
RHEUMATISM prevails in New York to
an alarming extent. Bleeding and opium
are the main remedies.
If there is any one thing for which the
human race is pre-eminent it is for pro-
found and solid lying.-Dr. Larinaer.
IT is nonsense to speak of trifies light
as air." The pressure of air is fourteen
pounds to every square inch of surface.
"WoRTH makes the man." No doubt, but
on this earth
1t all depends upon how much he's worth.
". Y. Graphic.
F. c., A CANDID man, advertises as fol-
lows in a Chicago paper: 6 want a wife
that has got the stamps; looks and age no
object"
"wHAr is that dog barking at" asked
a fOp, whose boots were more polished
than his ideas. g Why" said bystander,
che sees another puppy in your boots"
The logical result of the protoplastic
theory is to extend the descent of man
back to plants; which, possibly, explains
their present love for the weed.-Cincin-
! natl Times.
BERGH's society for the prevention of
cruelty to children goes against wearing
| earrings, declaring it cruel to puncture
the little ears, besides being barbarous
| and foolish.
THE Broadway (New York; stores offer
silks at a song" and an innocent editor
of that city can now see no excuse for
ladies of good voices going without plenty
| of good dresses.
THE Mississippi newspapers complain
that the chills and fever are awful there
this year; and in some localities the gath
| ering of the crops has been greatly re-
tarded by the sickness.
AN old bachelor, who died recently,
left will dividing all his property equally
among the surviving women who had re-
| fused him, "because,' said he, Ito them
I owe all my earthly happiness"
| A DISH WASHING machine is the latest
invention. They will continue to invent
| washers, wringers, ironers, sewers and one
| thing and another till women will not be
worth fifteen cents a dOZen.-Rurat Ne,o
| Yorker.
AN Arkansas man ate pint of sawdust
few days ago on a bet. An intelligent
| physician who was called in told him that
he would have pain in his lumbar region
| if he stuck to such board as that.-Neao
| Orleans Times.
CUSTOM in Massachusetts has long per-
mitted the discoverer of bee tree to cut
it down and take the honey, and Berk-
shire County is astonished because land
| owner has sued a man 10 recover the value
of honey taken off his property.
GRAND CROSSING, in Cook County, ILL.,,
is one of the most busy railroad crossings
daily trains pass there, to say nothing of
| occasional rovers. Those railroad gates
| do not get time to rust on their hinges.
A CURIOUS basket-picnic and ball was
/ held recently in Leavenworth Mountain,
Col. 1t was held in a subterranean cham
| Der, and the cards of invitation stated that
dancing would be continued until ten
boxes Of wax candles had been consumed.
ALL persons who keep. oxalic acid in
the house for domestic purposes may
take warning from the fate of Matthew
| mlnistered to him that poison instead of
EPSON salts. He died almost immedi-
| ately.
| A HEN never has regular meal-she
always gets picked-up dinner.-Con,-
mercial Bulletin. And she has to scratch
around considerably to get it, too. But
then it doesn't cost anything. She has it
all put down in the bill.-B0st0n AdUer-
tiser.
THE Supreme Court of Iowa has decid-
ed that the practice of the loser paying for
the game in billiards is gambling, while
the Supreme Court of Indiana says it is
not. When Supreme Courts disagree
where's the umpire to decide ?-Chicago
EDening Journal.
"LEMME die now," said old Smith,
who lives up on the Yazoo. GIVE lived
to see the time when it takes thirty five
yards of caliker to make the old woman a
dress. I'll go home and deed the planta-
ton to the boys and get ready to pass in
my chips. "-Neao Orleans Times.
81 DIDN'T steal no pound ofterbacker,"
said prisoner in Springfield, Mass, just
as he was leaving court, no proof having
been produced against him; 81 didn't
take more'n handful" "Come back, )"
said the Justice, and be fined ten dol
lars. The Court convicts you on your own
confession"
A BALTIMORE swindler went to q near
sighted merchant in the guise of a tele-
graph messenger and got him to sign his
name in two places in what purported to
be a receipt-book. Really the fellow had
got him to sign his name on a blank leaf
in such way that note could be writ
ten with genuine signature and indorse
ment. The profit TO the swindler was
1928, and the merchant and the bank that
paid the money are quarreling about which
shall lose.
THE Christian Observer says: 1t costs
less than a cent a day to take a weekly
paper-less than a diligent hen would
earn in a year at the market price of eggs /;
less than one cigar week, and very cheap
one at that; less than a barber would
charge by the year to keep ones hair
trimmed less than good Thanksgiving
turkey; less than seat one night at the
opera; less than an energetic kitchen girl
will waste in a week. A penny day can
be saved in many way better than stop
ping family paper
A FIFTH WARD widow moved into her
new house the other day, and her first six
callers were lightning rod agents. She
bluffed them off one by one, but when the
seventh one came he said: 81 don't claim
that rod will protect the house, but do
say that if was looking for a second wife
I'd never marry a-widow who didn't have
| a lightning-rod on her house. And
that's the way all rich men think" % You
| may put up two of 'em!" she promptly re-
| piled, and be sure that they are conspic-
| uous, toop'-Detr0it Free Press.