The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-24
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

"I've known dat mule for free yeals, an |
don't tnk dat de animile would hurt lam
cause This blank space indicates where
the lecture was interrupted, and the Niger ior-
warded to the other side of the fence. Mules
will stretch their Ibis at times you know.--od-
yaHnah Times.
Yesterday afternoon" says a Tennessee pa.
per, the handsome Miss Jennie Taylor was
borne to the cemetery before large concourse
Of grieving men, women, and vehicles"
Miss Helen NJ. Ely appears as the first gradu-
ate of Minnesota University with the anomalous
degree of Bachelor of Arts"
Smokes in his new book on street courtesy
saws the proper thing for gentleman 10 DO IN
the Hub" when he finds that he has passed
lady by mistake, is to "wheelright" around ana
joiner."-NeU Ha1ea Union.
When a New Yorker fell and broke his leg
Bergh remarked that he would like to take him
10 the hospital if he had time, but he had a sick
dog in the wagon, and he couldn't wait-Detr0H
FREE Press.
The local habitation "where the woodbine
twneth has at last been discovered. Rowclps
Reporter said that Saint John had "gone where
the woodbine twine.h,' and 10 and behold he
turns up in Virginia, Cass County.
An exchange says man living on Fort street,
on going home at late hour In the night saw
that the occupants Of a house standing flush
with the street had left q window up, and he de-
cided to warn them and prevent burglary, Put
ting his head into the window, lie called out:
Hello! good pcop-w That was all lie said,
whole pailful Of water struck him in the face,
and, as he staggered back woman shrieked
out Didn't | tell you what you'd get If you.
wasn't home by Q o'clock
blind man in southern Illinois can playI
checkers, but can't find the woodpile if his wife
wants an armful of wood.
The New Haven Register is responsible for the
following: :" A man in a neghboring town, who
has about a thousand dollars in the Townsend
bank, was in Il store yesterday, and, watching
his opportunity, whispered in the ear of the
dealer Is the Townsend Savings bank getting
a little shaky" The merchant turned on him
with a look of dire establishment, and asked,
" Where have you been the last year. or don't
you read the newspapers" The man replied
that lie didn't feel able to take a newspaper"
Wen," said the merchant, you have lost twice
enough in the Townsend bank to have paid for
81 our daily papers the rest Of your life" The
cepositor left, looking "a little shaky"
Henry c. Badger, of Boston, announces that
lis. late wfe's business-school.t aching-will
he carried on by her widower. It is not hard to
guess who run that house in its palmy days.
i hentuckian who won't mortgage his farm
z1l 20 oarefooted for the sake of owninga short
-g-n heiier is no patriot.
!; q camp meeting last summer, venerable
s&.eE began the hymn:
My SOUL be on thy guard,
Ten thousand foes arise"
She began in shrill quavers, but il was pitched
100 high. Ten thOusand-Ten thousand,' she
s--eeched, and stopped "Start her at SCOOP
cr!ed converted stock-broker present Pile
Co. Democrat
Chicago has 800 rustic seats on the lake front,
where the public may sit at shutdown and see the
Wild waves roll in, and the boy.bathers roll Off
Boston tailor advertses diagonal boys
suits"
The Oakland HerdM tells about an editor who
has purchased new type and q new head with
which latter he will be enabled to dash of bril-
Liant editorials and funny locals. The local Of
the Ottawa FIRE. Trader should learn immediate
y where he can purchase the last named article.
-Sredt0r Monitor.
Another acknowledgment that our locals
comes from our head, the fountain of Beams
wit being located elsewhere or course his head
will out-wear his body.
A Rankakee girl Waiting dantily along the
sidewalk last Monday morning remarked to her
female companion thus GOSH it's getting
warmw You're scoutin'm was the musical re-
Spouse. The reporter stood just near enough to
catch an old lady that fainted.--Kdnkdkee Ga
@ettc.
In Norway the longest day lasts three months.
Tue man who month or two ago promised to
settle bill for printing in day or two, is |
probably descendent from Norwegian family.
The naked truth-a bear story-Er.
They now call retired printers express men.
Pillars that should be shaken down-caterpil. /
lars-Reportr.
The misery felt by the child who couldn't 90
10 the pic ME, is nothing to that Of the one who
has been TO it.
An Iowa editor recently announced that a Ger |
tain patron Of his was "theving as usual" 1t.
was written thriving.
As general thing we do not implore young
gentlemen 10 dress gushingly; but If they trW
wear handkerchief in the rear pocket Of their
pantaloons, il would be an ordinary favor to
bushing public to select such as have ornamen.
tal borders We like to feel sure It Is a handker
chief, that's ali.
The Fourth has gone, and now the boys can
save up for Christmas
The Unsuitable house-hy begins to skirmish
around the ragged edge Of the butter dish
The second best thing with which to cncircle
lady's waist nowadays is belt with a silver
buckle.
Some one defines real poet as a singer
whose verses haunt your twilights This in
Cludes mosquitoes.
There is a sound Of deviltry by night and bois-
terously on the ambient air float such patriotic
words as "IIigh, low, jack, sancho, pedro, gamc.-
This is an age OF improvement. Next month
there viii be two new moons, one August Isl