Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-02-19

And collectors in haste are pursuing
Their debtors by day and by night.
Do the friends who once loaned me fifty
And the others who loaned me ''ten''
Heave a sigh of regret as they miss me.
And wish they could see again?
Do they miss me at home-do they miss me:
When no longer I'm seen upon Change?
And do those who were wont to assist me
Say, 'His conducts internally stranger
Does the Shylock who loaned me his money.
To bear me to regions unknown. sssss
Look in vain for occasions to dun me.
And wish again were at home?
But know that my memory fingers
Around the dear places as Iroam;
And while I've my wits and my creepers
They'll miss me-they II miss me at home!
A married man unconsciously got him
self into trouble on Monday evening. His
wife asked him where he was going, as she
observed him put on mis- overcoat. II am
going to sally forth,' he replied. Let me
catch you with any Sally Forth. and there
will be a first-class opportunity for fire
company to throw themselves on set of
obituary resolutions
A Western stump orator in the course Of
one of his speeches remarked: "Gentlemen,
if the Por-sy-fix Ocean wor an inkstald,
and the hull clouded canopy Of Heaven
and the level ground of our earth wor a
sheet Of paper, | couldn't begin to write
my love of my country onto it"
ssWhat are you after, my dear?" said
grandmother to little boy, who was slid
ing along a room and casting furtive
chances at gentleman who was paying
visit. ~ am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without letting
the gentleman see it; he wants him to
think he's out"
A coIored preacher remarked sWhen
God made the fusJ man he set him up agin
de fence to dry" ''Who made de fence?"
interrupted an eager listener. "Put that
man out.'' exclaimed the cOlored preacher;
sssuch questions as dat'll destroy all de
theology in the world
A lawyer once asked a hotel keeper the
following question: ''If man gives you IA
hundred pounds to keep for him, and dies,
what do you do? Do you pray for him?'''
mo. sir,'' replied the landlord, 81 pray
for another just like him."
During the trial the Judge called a wit
ness. No one answered. and All elderly
mali rose and solemnly said she is gone. y
s'Where has he gomez" asked the Judge in
no tender Zone. 81 don't know, but he is
dead,;' was She guarded answer.
Three sisters OF Dubuque, are SO set in
theif temperance principles, that they
make the hired girl smell the breath of
every gentleman caller and report the re-
port the result before admittance TO the
PARKER can he obtained.
Somehow. one can't help thinking of that
citizen Of Syracuse who has thirteen chill
aren, all girls. Probably there is not
corner Of the bureau in that mans house
that hasn't cold chew of spruce gum
sticking to it.
1T looks bad to see a dog preceding his
master down the street and calmly turn
into the first saloon he approaches. 1t
shows there is something wrong, something
wrong lacking, a deplofable tendency on
the part of the dog.
A wicked boy, upon whose shoulders his
raether was expressing her resentment
with both slippers felt too proud too cry
and kept up his courage by repeating to
himself. 1.-TWO soles that beat as one.'
We have had obituary notices on QUE
standing galley for six months Of a few
families in town that still continue to use
coal oil in lighting fires. 1t is ONLY ques-
tien of time.
Hard times are not without their recon- |
pence. there are less book agents about and |
men who wish TO sell you Struggled cigars |
or nice picture
A little girl, upon her return from |
children $ party, being asked if she had a \
good time, replied, Eyes, but there WASH t 4
much boys there" /
Michigan nsen can't feel as though they
had eIcped if they do4i leave wife and |
four children in destitute circumstances.
The man who is kind and polite TO. his
has reached Vicksburg, and
lis aas object of general curiosity to the
people There.
If you wish to know how many friends
YOU have, get into office: if you wish to
know how many you haven't get into
trouble.
The best preparation for keeping lady'sA
hand ''free from chaps'' is the report that
she has no money.
& California man pounded his wife, was
med SIS. and he sold her silk dress to pay
he fiae-
COLLECTORS a1aaow when their work is dun
Why did Freedom sip2fieky Kos-clusko
ell.
Hanging is brisk, hut with falling
:
Spain took little Bourbon on New
ears day.