Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-12-23
The Transcript.
Anatomical.

Anat on.tsel.
j. Any person who has read a daily paper
for the last ysar canno, have failed 10 no.
,iee bow often newspaper paragraphs hit
At big ears. big foet, fsosaeycd people,
and at young men who part their hair in
the centre. The woman who has q No.
shoe or has a big ear is sure to be found
out and Photographed. and It has got TO
that pitch where the public arc asked to
consider such persons almost in the light
Of criminals.
i deem it NY duty to give the public
some facts wh;SA have 'uken pains to
collect:
Last winter Mrs. ;PArsons, Of Wjscon.
ein, who wears No. shoe and makes
Ill the dishes in the house rattle when she
crosses the floor, shot and killed two
bears, having neither aid nor encourage.
ment from her husband. Not a single
case can be cited where Wisconsin wo'
man wearing a No. 8 shoe ever killed a
bear or came within mile and half Of
being heroine, Let the newspaper par
agraphs get over this fact if they can.
Five or six weeks ago a Mrs. Mead.
ans, living i'm western Michigan, and
wearing shoes SO large that they have to
he made on special lasts for her, had
d. ht with and defeated her husband carly
in the morning, knocked school inspec-
toE down just before noon, split fifty rails
in the afternoon, and fell of the: ha4mow
before supper. l. challenge any newspa-
per man in the country 10 name \ woman
with a small foot who can show so noble
record. He can't find one who ever
made respectable fall from haymow,
10 say nothing Of the rest of Mrs. Mead
ans heroic conduct.
About the LIST of September Mrs. Turn
er, widow lady, living near Des Noincs
and having ears: long enough for a COON
dog, was put in Jail for stealing 500 lbs.
OF wool. She escaped from Jail by slip
ping out of her bastle and crawling, up a
chimney aud was in Illinois when next
heard Of. Ichallcnge these malisners to
produce just one single case where wo-
man with SMALL pink cars ever stole 500
pounds Of wool, carrying fifty pounds at
time, On her back, a good mile. adj
init that smalleared women have been
jailed, but show me case where one Of
them ever crawlcd up chimney, leaving
new twenty shilling hustle on the floor
Last SUMNER cross-cyed man named
Abel johnson, living in Virginia, jumped
out of his bed room window at midnight
and rescued three hams from burning
smoke house. A moments delay would
have been their death. Can any one cite
q case where slaughtered man ever
rescued three big hams at midnight
Anybody but a crosseyed man would
have waited 10 put on his trousers, boots,
vest and coat, and those three unsuspcct-
Ing hams would have roasted alive.
Th Zee days after that occurrence Mr..
johnson under took to raise the :rood.
shed while Lis wife Was away from home.
In his operations the sle': fell upon him
aud he ), IS pa: .13> ,:,":: for nine hours.
.<>sn anyone site a; case where " oodshcd
ever fell upon straight eycd MAN with.
out killing bin at once:
Last Fourth of July corss-eyed girl
named Susan Dee, living in Genital Ohio,
fell through railroad bridge, struck a
canal boat, sunk it, and swan ashore
without losing hairpin. Give me case
where s,raight7eyed girl ever performed
such a noble deed True. few Of them
,xay have fallen through bridges, but
they struck the water "kersplash" and
had no romance about it.
As to young men who part their hair in
The center, let nae narrate the case Of Tim
othy Haddock, Of Green Bay. He was
asked to call at the hotel and see lady
.on important business, and when he COM
piled he was ushered into Il room where
seven Of his nine wives sat with their
hacks to the wall. The seven greeted
. him ~ follows;
':Wtetch!"
"Villain"'
Rascal"
''9ooundrel"
"Omy"
You thief"
>"Kill him"
And what did Timothy do but com
meuce at No. and shake hands all round,
ask after the family, express his delight
>t seeing them, and takes the matter just
- coolly IS boy heaps up mud sweet.
cake. And he got the seven into fight
with each other and quietly left town
without even seeing policeman. Show
ne case where man With his hair Par.
Ted on ..he.l lett side ever married seven
women. They sneak around with one
poor wife apiece, and many of them
shake in their boots every time she raises
her eyes.
I like people with big feet, and was
never more panied in my life than at
reading an item the other day stating that
Susan B. Anthony denied wearing No. Q
shoes. 1t wasn't over a week ago that a
Tennessee maiden, kicked by a COW
while milking, rose, kicked back and kill.
ed the reckless animal. There is some.
thig grand in the sight Of big foot, a
broad foot going into the air as woman
strikes an icy spot on the walk, and de-
~ any statlatician in the land TO show me
. female with big foQA who isn't tender