The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-09-18
VARIETY.

- IheFe exclalms the indignant Boston VILE,
as Hhe fetches her husband a4esonant whack on
his head with chair-roeker, 81 I'll raise Bunker
Hill monument on you that you'll remember"
The man who blushes when a lady acquaint-
ance sees him coming out Of n saloon is not en-
tirely lOst-he may be found most any time
afterward going into the back door Of saloon.
Here boy, hold my horse said a gentleman
who had driven a wretchedly lean animal up to
the door Of a village inn. '' Hold him l'' ex-
claimed the boy. % Hold him l-Jes' lean him
up against that young tree there, that'll hold
himi',
When Detroit sign painter gets to work
there is no &" stopping" him. He says % Gro
ceries provisions sugars teas oils Goldfish starch
the nimble six pence is our motto we can't be
undersold if you don't see what you want ask
for it."
Frenchman learning the English language
complained Of the irregularity OF the verb " to
go,'' the present tense Of which some wag had
written out for him as follows al go thou
startest he departs we make tracks; you cut
sticks; they absquatulate or skedaddle.''
A wild-eyed man, carrying his hat in his hand
entered the depot yesterday and called out to a
man who was wheeling baggage-truck along
Where's the ?' - What trafn?'' 40 Any
train-any train My vile isn't ten rods behind
and she's got an axe-handle over her shoulder
and sulphur in her eyes
A physician was called upon to attend a seam
stress who felt indisposed. lie inquired as to
her health, and she replied very appropriately
" Well, it is about sew sew, doctor, but seams
worse to-day, and have frequent stitches in the
side" The doctor hemmed as he felt her pulse,
and said she would mend soon, and left n pre-
scription.
When Mrs Gerkes of Sixth street says she
will do this or that, she means what she says
She told Gerkes the other day that if he didn't
bring her n new dress at noon she would 60 mp
town and run him in debt fifty dollars. The
dress didn't come, and she went up town, tramped
around for three hours, and was told by thirty
eight different men that they wouldn't trust
Gerkes for bath-brick.
A Griswold street fruit seller yesterday OBJ
served an old pinching a cocoanut and
handling it as If he bad hold of an apple, and he
stepped to the door and asked: Would you
like to buy n nut?" az Waal, | thought some of
it, replied the old man " but guess Ill wait
till they get little softer-its coming on to the
sickly season and q feller ought to be carelul."-
Detroit Free Press.
A Cincinnati woman says - never knew but
one woman in my life who chose TO make her
husbands shirts and confessed she liked to do ii
and she had nothing else TO do; could leave them
any moment had some one else to make the
buttOnhOles had ready-made bosoms, and, when
she finished her half dozen, was presented by her
delighted spouse with twenty dollars in green
backs. No wonder she liked it,
The Council Bluffs NonpareiI vouches for the
following: a fellow challenged five men to
combat not far from Ayoca last week The five
reported, and our hero said he wanted to take
the best man first. The five began arguing as to
who was the best man. Then began business.
They fought and fit, and gOuged and bit, and
struggled in the mud for fifteen minutes without
arriving at any definite conclusion on the subject,
while the challenger sat on log and beamed a
kindly smile on them.
The other day Detroit mother poured some
ink on the pantry shelf near the sugar-box, and
went up stairs, leaving her small son playing
with the cat. When she came down, the boy
sat by the window, wearing placid, innocent
look, but there were ink-stains on his fingers
There you've been at the sugar. she ex-
claimed, as she seized him by the collar. - Moth
er, do YOU think I'd steal sugar?' he asked in 0
tone of surprise 80 Look at those stains on your
fingers What made emp Those stains
mother p - Yes, those stains 50 Well, can.
not tell you bold lie, mother-l think I've com
meneed to mortIfy!'' She wasn't quite sure, anC
he was allowed to go out and play circus.
RATHER SERIOUS GAs.-A very pretty miss o
about seventeen went to DR.. r ito have {
troublesome tooth extracted, and after dreading
it awhile, at length resolved to take dose o
laughing gas to take the sharp edge of A lad,
friend accompanied her, and was quite anxious
to note the effect Of the subtle gas upon he
charming and yiVacious companion. She did no
have to wait long, for sooner had the influence
begun to manifest itself, than she threw he
plump, dimpled arms around the neck of thu
susceptible dentist, exclaiming she visited IN
lips with her own, '' Oh, you dear darling duel
of n mar, you are good enough to eat!'
OF course she knew nothing about the laugl
which followed, or the confusion on the part o
the dentist, any more than she knew what sh
had DONE But the doctor somewhat fat
tered and used the most skiful manipulations il
extracting the teeth that could offend 50 sweet
mouth.
In reality, the job was finished sooner than b
wished.
When she recovered from it's effect her frien
asked her how she liked it, and she prOclaime
the effect delightful, and even asked the dentist !
he would not give it to her again.
Yes" said he, " if You will go through tn
came performance you went through just now.
She was then informed by her companion wha
she had done, and coloring up slightly, and cast
ing rather dubious look at the dentist, sh
said
!. Never Snd, l guess won't have any more
for am convinced now that it makes perso
act like fool
Fancy the feelings of that tooth jerker.