The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1875-04-02
VARIETIES.

In ascending the hill Of prosperity,
may we never meet friend.
A man requested his wife to hold the
baby of another man while he danced
with the baby's mother-but she didn't
hold it. Some wives are too disobedient
TO pnt up with.
-"Why, Ichabod, l thought you got
married more'n year ago" well, aunt
Jerush, it was talked OF, but found out
that the girl and all her folks were oppos-
ed to it, and SO just gave en- all the nit
ten and let the thing drap."
Machinery has reached u great state
of perfection. An exchange remarks:
1--WE recently saw some burnt peas put in
to the hopper of coffee mill, and in less
than two minutes they were occupying
place in a grocery window, labelled Fine
Old Mochn.'n
--"What On 'arth ais these ere shirt
buttons, wonder. Jest the mint put
the needle through 'cm to sew 'em on they
splits and flies all to bits" "Why grand
mother, them isn't buttons they's my pep
PERMITS, and now you've been spilin
EN-"
-"She is perfect Amazon" said q pu-
pill in one ofour schools of his teacher yes.
terday, to o companion. Eyes," said the
other, who was better versed in geography
than history, II noticed she had an awful
big mouth. "-B'idgfpoH Farmer.
Edward Sadd, a conductor in Burlng-
ton, Iowa, was made happy by having vot-
cd to him u badge at public fair. Be-
ing called upon for speech, he was hus-
tied upon the platform. Looking around
for moment, he calculated, "Tickets 7"
and retired 1t was 80 effective that the
band couldn't play for ten minutes.
"A Minnesota Judge, in pronouncing
the death sentence, tenderly observed: "If
guilty, you richly deserve the fate that
awaits you; if innocent. it will be graft
fication for you to feel that you were hang.
ed without such q crime on your con-
science; in either case you will be deliv-
from a world of care"
81 remember, remember
The iir-trees dark and high;
used to think their slender spires
Were close against the sky:
1t was q childish ignorance,
But now tits little Joy
To know I'm farther off from heaven
Than when was q boy.n
Hood.
"A soldier Of cavalry regiment was
brought up for stealing his comrades
liquor ration. He was an Irishman, and
his defence was unique :-"rd be sorry,
indade sur, to be called thief, sur put
the liquor in the same bottle, sur, and
mine was at the bottom, sur, and sure, sur,
was obliged, sur, to drink his, sur, to get
out me own, sur
WHAT do you do for a living' ask,
cd farmer of sturdy vagabond who
came begging at his house. We'll, moth.
ing, much, except travelling around" said
the fellow. You look us though you
were good at that" responded the farmer
"Well, yes, I'm pretty good at travelling
'Then," said the farmer, opening the door
"lcts see you travel
-"Bob, Harry Smith has one of the
greatest curiosities you ever saw" dom
say so-what is IL" "a tree that never
sprouts, and becomes smaller the older i
grows" "Wcll, that is a curiosity. Wher,
did he get it?" "From California
"What is the name Of it 2" "Axle.tree-
it once belonged to California omni
bus"
"A recent report gives list of on
hundred and twelve different materials 70
making paper. Among the list are emu
merated asparagus, beetroot, cabbag
stumps, frog spittle, hop vines, hornets
nests, lily of the valley, leather cuttings
mummy cloth, sawdust, thistles and viii
low twigs.