The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-07-07
HUMOROUS.

dUMUhUUS.
Shades of night window curtains.
Sheet music children crying H.
bed
\ noosc.papcr--a marriage ccrtiti-
cate.
The path Of duty-through the
Custom House.
The case Of woman suffrage scar:
city Of husbands.
What portion of the uody are the
best Travellers The two wrists.
What is that which, by looSing an
,cye, has only . nose left? a noise.
Stamps &ro not required on notes
but it takes stamps" to pay 'em.
Some ladies, this season, wear
wings Son their hats-but it doesn't
make 'em angels.
OLD LADY-;'Is this q smoking car.
riage?" Fellow [inside] ]-"No, marin:
if you want to smoke 90 higher up"
The hair from 4 ladies' braid should
never be wora on the lapel Of q gen
tleman'S coat, unless tho parties are
engaged.
"One thing" says an old topper,
"was never soen coming through the
rye, and that's the kind Of whiskey
one gets nowadays.
"Il's generally the case with bad
boys philosophicalIy remarks Miss
Anthony, "lhat they look like their
mother and act like their father"
"Your feet are very stylish" said Il
man TO his friend, whose feet was
covered with bottoms "No, not sty-
lish, but exceedingly nobby." was the
good naturcd reply,
A Kansas paper says: IA mule
kicked IN insurance agent in this
place on the check the other day
The agents check was uninjured,
but the mules was broken
"Can you inform me-" said stu
dent to u book seller, ''whether can
find anywhere the biography Of Pol
lock ~ "Ycs, | dare say you will
End it in the Course Of Time.
Kansas teacher-"Whcre does all
our grain product 90 to?' Boy-'lt
goes into the hopper" "lloppcr !!
What hopper p "Grasshopper!' tri-
umphautly shouted the lad.
A printers devil says his lot is y
hard one; ut his boarding house they
charge him with all the pie the can't
find, and at tho Office hisremployer
charges his with all the pi they do
find.
! At recent Washington breakfast
fruit was served as the first course,
with articles Of jewelry enclosed in
the Stones. The ices were in the
form Of celery stalks and ears of
green corn. How nice
ssWbich had you rather do, 60 to
Wheeling in Virginia, or Corning in
Nebraska ?"- Erchangc. Well VIC
don't want to Berne Switzerland, so
we'll 60 to Reading Massachusetts
over Andover.-BoSton AdrertiSer.
Statistics show that in the last ten
years, on al average, ten out of every
hundred inhabitants in the beautiful
country of Dante were torclb!y elect
cd out of their skins. "Accidcntc"
>. II swear" said a gentleman to his
lady-love, you arc very handsome
pooh p said the lady, $50 you would
say if You did not think So" "Ahd
so You would think" answered he
"though / should not say So"
English travclcr--"As he got W
two hcrsc pistols dropped from hi:
back pockets" Interlocutor-"Bnt
how could he find rooms for two
horse pistols? ?" Third party-"O
he did not mean two horse pistols
exactly, he meant two Colts pistols.
b.. Probably no characteristic OF thu
female mind is better developed than
tho doc;Iity with which women &C
ccpt the fashions of the day. B(
they beautiful Or hidcous, becoming
or unbccomiug, comfortable or ,tortu
ring, they arc the "fashon" and mus
be worn.
- Old Lady (who sleeps badly):-
,.aNow, Mary, if l should want t'
light my candle, arc the matche:
: there 2" Mary: "Yes, ma'am. there
wan" Old Lady: ":Qne! Why, l.
!. it misses fire, and wont light" Ma
,ry: "Oh, divil q of it, ma'am. Sure
. 4 tlried it."
.Do you enjoy going to churct
now 3n asked lady Of Mrs. Parting
ton. :A1a, me, do" SAID Mrs. Par
.t:ngson:. "Nothing does me so muci
good as to get up carly on Sunday
morning, and 60 to>church, and hea'
"a pepalous minister dispense with th'
gospel"