The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-10-14
Miscellaneous.
Roll call-the bakers visit.


A bootless task-Putting on ones
| socks
Sweets in adversity-A sugar-house
failure.
Drinking glass after glass must pro-
duce panes In your inside.
What is the strongest light in Brook
lyn2-BeecherCs candal.
The New York Tribune's tower seems
to cast shadow on the Sun.
Poverty is the test of civility and the
touchstone of friendship.
What are they which, though always
drunk, are never intoxicated ?-Toasts.
Why is a compositor like cripple?
Because he can't get on without stick.
An Alabama man has been trying to
lead church and manufacture lead
niekels at the same time.
Sir Wilfrid Lawson recently spoke of
Mars and Bacchus "as the god of battles
and the god of bottles"
The hair from ladys braid should
never be worn on the lapel of a gentle
mans coat. unless the parties are en-
gagged
musical amateur writes to ask if the
old English song, "a Single Smile" fur
nlshed the theme of Wagners Lone
grin"
A celebrated wit once said of his debts
that it was neither his interest to pay the
principal nor his principle to pay the in
| terest
"Ice cream, called out waitress at
New York restaurant. Don't scream
here, pray, anxiously requested ner-
vous customer.
John, came very near selling my
another. "How was that?' "Why,
had them halfsoled."
Il say, Pat what are you abou:-sweep-
ing out the room?' NO" answered
Pat 81 am sweeping out the dirt and
leaving the room"
The most laconic will on record is that
Of a man who died in 1869 Itruns thus:
81 have nothing; l owe great deal-the
rest give to the poor
Advertising pays. A Toledo man ad-
vertlsed for a servant girl and one of his
three wives Knocked at the door in less
than five hours after the paper was out.
The tobacco worm has attacked the
plants, and good elocutionists are posted
on the fences by the farmers, reading the
excellent anti-tobacco tracts by the late
Mr.. Trask
newspaper biographer, trying to say
his subject was hardly able to bear the
demise of his wife" was made by the in
exorable printer to say. wear the che
mise of his wife"
The boy with the bare feet tesselated
pants, fathers coat, and a gaudy base
ball cap on his head, appears to have
gained permanent stand in the commu-
nitv
81 would advise you to put your head
into dye-tub, it's rather red" said a
joker to a sandy-haired girl II would
advise you to put yours into an oven, it
is rather soft said Nancy.
A young manufacturer of our acquain-
tance is making money on this motto,
parodied from "Poor Richard" EARLY
to bed, and early to rise; never get tight,
and advertise"
A Columbia professor, reproying
youth for the exercise of his fists, said:
"We fight with our heads here" The
youth reflected, and replied that butting
wasn't considered fair at his last school
In Norway, the longest day lasts three
months. The man who six months ago
promised to call in day or two and set
tie his little bill, must have gone to Nor
way on a visit
If young man sits up too late with
his sweetheart out at Haddonfield, the
old folks come into the parlor, and, with
a refinement of sarcasm. invite him to
wait few minutes longer and breakfast
will be ready.
If you are at church of a Sunday even
ing in August, without fam cast about
your eye until it lights on an engaged
couple, and, when you see how close they
snug up together, you will lose in great
degree a sense of the heat.
When people listen to peal of thun-
der, and mark, with awe, its course as it
goes crashing through the heavens, they
little think that it will sour half pint
of milk saved up for tea, quicker than
you can say Jack Robinson.
1t looks as if somebody is starting
newspaper every day. The fact that
hundreds of men who have worked in
journalists harness all their lives would
go out and commit suicide if it were not
for the demnition uncertainty of such
course, doesn't seem to have the slight
est effect on beginners.
The death Of the prominent Cincinna-
tian, who recently figured conspicuously
in all the newspapers is thus touchingly
alluded to in the St. Louis Republican:
His end has cast shade of gloom upon
the entire community; every other Gin
cinnatlan feels as though he had lost
brother
"A honess from Lybias desert waste
With rattling heels he boldly dared to
paste
She scratched him, and the scratches
mortified;
IN seventeen weeks the little jaclSass
died
Gone to meet Sergeant Bates"