The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1875-06-04
THE MAN WHO SWORE OFF.

He had been in the habit of taking
three or four ''nips" per day for the last
fifteen years, but on New Years morning
he arose and said to his wife
MARY Jane Sinner, here I've been
squandering at least dollar per week for
more than dozen years ~
'But l thought you said a glass now and
then aided your Digestion she replied.
''All fudge and nonsense" be continued
''that was only an excuse to satisfy my
own conscience"
"And I've heard you say that it made
you sleep better-helped you to have a
clear head" she said.
''Nonsense-worst kind of bosh. I've
drank up eight hundred dollars in the last
dozen years, and it hasn't benefited me one
cent"
"WeIlr'
"Weii, I'm going to quit. I'm going to
commence now. No more drinks for Sinner
after this "
"Good boy-noble husband - she said,
patting him on the chin; enow you are
going to test your stamina ~
Sinner felt puffed up with pride for an
hour or two, and then began to feel a
goneness along down his throat. He drank
water, cold coffee and milk, and got
through with the day although when he
went to bed he dreamed that he was a
flask Of brandy and that a member of
Congress was carrying him in his coat-tail
pocket. AT midnight be awoke with his
thumb in his mouth, just on the point of
taking ten-cent drink, and at daylight he
inquired of his wife whether it was the
year 1875 or 1876
That forenoon, while he sat in his Office
meek looking stranger entered, took a
paper from his pocket, and said that he
was soliciting aid for the Kansas grass
hopper sufferers.
''Giasshoppers be hanged ~ exclaimed
! Sinner. "The next fraud who comes in
here will get his neck broken 20
His chief clerk spoke to him about or
dering some goods, and he whr,ed around
and said he wouldn't order another dollars
worth of goods in ten years. A young man
called to secure a place, and Sinner threw
the coal stove shaker and hit him on the
ear.
! When he went to dinner he flattered
himself little that he had succeeded in
curbing his inclination to drink, and his
wife patted him on the shoulder and whis-
pered:
Samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Gar of Russia ~
Going down again he entered saloon
| and asked the saloon keeper if he honestly
thought that a moderate amount of brandy
would affect the health. The saloon keeper
was sure it wouldn't. The bottles looked
good to Sinner, and there was a pleasant
smell as he leaned over the bar.
Wi,eE he reached his office he kicked a
, chair over, hoisted spittoon across the
room, and sat down and dated a letter
1877. lady called to have him subscribe
something for a new Sunday School, and
he bristled up and yelled:
''No, sir, not a red Sunday Schools
are killing the business interests of this
country ~
After about an hour he went out and
asked doctor if three drinks of gin per
day would hurt any one. The doctor
thought not, if they were light drinks.
Returning to the Office, Sinner hunted up
an old brandy bottle, and sat and held it
! for long time, and wondered how they
were made, and then threw it into the
coal box and went out on the street and
| asked a life insurance agent if two OF three
drinks day would hurt a man. ''Of
course they weudn't,' replied the agent.
Going home to supper, Sinner asked three
more men, and they all replied, "No"
When lac reached home, he said the bis
cults weren't fit for cannibals, gave the
girl warning to leave, and called his wife's
brother, who was there on visit, a
bumped backed, wilful liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors if =
! little brandy was hurtfuL Then he went
was good while in drinking it, and then
he asked to look at the label on a brandy
bottle. When he had read he looked to
see if the cork was in very tight and
asked the saloon keeper if he thought
brandy would hurt any one.
When Sinner reached home that night
he threw his wallet at his wife, told the
hired girl she might stay there 1000 years,
begged his wife's brothers pardon, and as
he turned handspring in the parlor, he
broke out WITH
$50, farewell, Mary Ann.
You must dc the best you can
Sinner was tight. NJ. QUAD.