davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
How the Old Man Helped Two BaShful
.e... Lovers. .tff.-

There is no foOliShneSS about some of
the fathers of Dubuque County, Iowa,
who have marriageable daughters, and
they know how to precipitate business
when the fruit is ripe for plucllin@, and
hangs wasting its sweetness when it
should be plucked Matters were
brought to 4 climax with. rush at Il
certain farmers residence in Vernon
Township recently. A young tiller of
the soil had for months been paving
most assiduous attentions to one of his
daughters, but he was such bashful
modest chap, never having been much
in the company Of girls, except this
one, that he had never been able to
raise his courage sufficiently high to
pop the question.
He had gone to the house in which
his admirer lived, upon at least twenty
different occasions, resolved to know
his fate, but when ushered into the
presence Of his fair one, into whose
Keeping he had placed his heart, his
courage would invariably "go back on
him, = and he would return to his lone
" room in greater suspense than be-
fore. Upon the evening in question he
had determined that, come what would
he would tell his Mary that he loved
her. He would once for all decide the
matter, but. as upon each former occa-
sion, he could get the proposal no fur
ther than his throat. There it stuck,
and he had Just determined to gulp it
down and give up. the siege, when the
door opened and in stalked the girls fa-
ther, who advanced 10 ,rlrvIv they vvru
sitting, and thus addressed them:
81 came in to put stop to this in+
fernal fooliShneSS. 1t amt the court
ING expenses that I'm looking at, for
coal oils cheap an wood can be had for
the haulin': but I'm sick and tired of
this billin' and cooin' like pair of sick
doves, keepin' me awake of nights,
and its got to be stopped right here.
Mary Jane, look up here. DO you love
John Henry well enough to marry
him?''
''Why, father, I-I-you must
"Stop that darn foolishin' ;" yelled
the old man. "Answer yes or no,
an mighty quick, too. It's got to be
settled now or never. =
"Well, but, father, don't You know
If you'd only wait, and
''Dry up; answer yes or mo.
Speak, : roared the old gent
"Well, yes, then. There, now, "
and Mary again hid her face.
"That'S business; that's the way to
talk. Now, John, look here-look up
here, OF III shake YOU all to pieces
Do you want that gal o mine for a
wife? Speak out like man, now
''Why, Mr.. --, amt this rather
al mean, can't you-"
"Speak it out, or out of this house
you'll 90 head foremost. | won't wait
a minute longer. There's the gal, and
hkelier gal amt in the State, an you
just heard her say she wanted you.
Now, John, won't stand bit o. fool
in; once for all, 'yes' or mop
''Well, yes, sir, l have been pre-
sumptuous enough to hope that Il e
80, cuss your soft talk; the thing
settled now. You two blasted fools
would have been six months more at
that job that I've done in five minutes
never saw such foolin' as there is
among young people nowadays. Amt
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
The Ramie Plant.

A year of two ago we heard a great
deal about new plant called ramlc,
which we were told was going to form
an important part of the agricultural
product of the Southern States hercat-
ter. For some reason or other this san
guine expectation has not been realized,
and the interest in ramie seems to have
pretty well died ont About the same
time that experiments were begun with
this plant. here the English took hold Of
it with view to testing its value for
cultivation in their India possessions.
They seem TO have been considerably
more impressed with its value than the
eXperimenterS in this country We're,
and one manufacturing concern iii Eng
land is actually engaged in the regular
manufacture of fabrics from the ramle
fiber. This fiber is said to possess
many unquestionable advantages, and
Mr.. NJ. S. Fife, who now in London
in the interest of the Mississippi Valley
Society, has taken the pains to collect
for the Republicans readers all
information obtainable concerning the
growth and manufacture of ramie. The
specimens of ramie fiber and ramie
cloth, which Mr.. Fife has also sent to
this office, certainly indicate that the
cloth will be a most useful material if it
can be obtained at a reasonable cost.
The fiber is extremely fine and silky,
but at the same time remarkably strong,
and it is said excels in this last particu-
lar almost all known fibers. II Is claim
ed, too, that it is less affected by mois-
ture than any other vegetable fiber.
The cloth woven from it has a fine,
glossy texture, so much like silk that it
is easily mistaken for it, being much
finer in appearance than any products
Of cotton. In fact there would seem no
doubt that the ramie fiber, if it can be
obtained sufficiently cheap, will prove
most valuable commercial article,
and it is because it is peculiarly well
adapted to growth in the Southern States
that attention has been given it in this
country. The principle obstacle in the
way of the cheap production of the Gber
has been the difficulty in extracting 1t
from the stalks. The letter and papers
sent by Mr.. Fife are principally direct
ed to this point, and the interested
reader is referred to them for further
information on the subject.-a. Loafts
Republican.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
Lovers of WatermelOnS.

The Mennonites have decided pre-
ference for watermelons over all other
fruit. They call the melon 'arbOo-
sen, " though we would not be willing
to swear either in Russian or English
as to the right spelling. The last de
tachment arrived at Atchison on Satur-
dav. market day, and among the first
objects they saw were the big Kansas
watermelons. They "went for EN-,
then and thar, - and felt that they had
reached the ''happy land of Canaan. "
Unless some other State can raise big
GER watermelonS than KanSas-which
some other State can't-the future Men
MONTE emigration will be directed hith-
erward. This fondnesS for watermel-
ons and watermelon country are an
indication of the peaceable and sensi-
bic character of the MennOnites. The
American likes to migrate to a country
where he has 4 chance to be eaten up
by grizzlies and chased by wolves, and
can exercise his bowie on the active red
man, while the Mennonite sees no fun
in danger, abhOrs war, and seeks out
a peaceful, fertile country where he
buries the glittering steel, not in the
hearts of his foes, but in the bowels of
the luscious watermelon. Topeka Con1-
BiORlceaUh.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
4 Good Guardian.

4 few years previous to the great fire
in Boston Il man i'll the grocery business
in that city was appointed guardian of
three orphan girls, whose father had
left for their support tenement house
in one of the courts leading oHt of Pearl
Street. When he got control of the
property the house was uninsured, its
value small, and the income triiling.
He had it insured, and made some i'm
provcments in the house that increased
the income. Soon the fire came and
consumed it with the other buildings in
that vicinity. He cot the insurance
money after a little delay, invested it
where it rapidly increased, and the
land being wanted for business purposes
he sold it for two or three dollars Il foot
more than other land brought along
side Of it. The proceeds of this sale he
also invested, and when, Il little while
ago. he made settlement with the
Probate Court, it was found that the
value of the legacy left to the childen,
now of age, had more than quadruped.
The Judge complimented him for his
good management, and said he richly
earned the percentage which the law
allows i'm such eases. The gentleman
thanked the Court, but said he worked
for reward greater than any human
law could allow, and declined to accept
any compensation.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
A Quaker Appetite.

He was a solemn looking Friend, with
all the conscientious scrUpleS against
permitting any body to get the better of
him in a bargain that are supposed by
the worlds people to be characteristic
of his society. Being an hungered, he
went into one of our restaurants two or
three days ago and indicated to the
waiter his desire for bodily nourish-
ment. Meat, vegetables, and piece of
PIE were set before him in such ahund-
ant quantities that before he rot to the
pie his hunger was satisfied. He arose
deliberately, and solemnly asked the
waiter, ''IIow much have l to pay
thee?" "Fifty cents, sir, =" was the re-
'ply. The Friend looked down on the
table, and his glance fell on the un-
touched pie. ''IIave | to pay the same
whether l eat the pie or not?" he asked. q.
",Just the same replied the waiter
''it'S fifty cents for the dinner. =
''Then l viii eat the pie, said the
Friend, and he took his seat again at
the table and finished the pie. His APP
petite was satisfied before, but his con-
science would not rest until he had con-
Sumed everything he could get for his
half dollar. .-NCcpOr NelrS.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
The American Eagle on His Muscle.

A well-knOwn literateur of San Fran
cisco, says the Chronicle, and Gov
ernment Inspector, yesterday conceived
the idea of scaling the lofty height, and
accordingly started Off Opera-glaSSeS
We're brought into play, and the twain
were watched rs they plodded their
weary way up the PERCEPTIONS and rocky
sides. When about half way up the in
spector gave out, while his companion
continued the Journey alone. When
nearly to the summit the gentleman was
attacked by eagles, which made sundry
and divers attempts to deprive him OF
his scalp. In fact, one of the preSump-
tuous birds came near getting portion
of that cranial adornment; but u blow
from Il stout cudgel which he carried
Sufficed to cripple it so eftectually that
it meandered rather hurriedly down the
hill. The situation of the gentleman
was any thing but pleasant. Ascending,
as he was at this moment, a narrow,
precipitous ridge, when miSstep would
have sent him hundreds of feet below,
with flock of hungry eagles playing
about his head, eager for his scalp and
the few ounces of brains beneath 1t, and
with no means of defense but the stick,
one can well picture the terror of his
position. But he was possessed Of
dauntless spirit, and he determined not
10 succumb even to the American eagle.
Sitting down upon the ridge and pulling
his hat close tOahis head he bid defiance
to the enemy. He knew it was impOS-
Sible to descend, for in that event he
would have to devote his attention to
securing fOotholds, and under the cir
cumstanceS that was out of the qUeS-
ton. The birds continued to grow
thicker about him, and he was fast ex-
hausting his strength in defending him
self. The willy creatures, finding that
they could not vanquish him single
handed, swooped down in twOs and
threes, but in every instance his stick
compelled them to change their course.
But his strength was fast failing him.
Should he attempt to descend, he would
certainly lose his scalp, and if he did
not, he would be food for the raycnous
birds any way. What was to be done?
A thought occurred to him which he
impulsively acted upon. Taking
policeman's whistle from his pocket, he
blew it with all the force his lungs could
command. The effect was magical. To
his great delight the eagles instantly
vanished to neighbOring mountain and
were lost to sight This ingenious eX-
pedient probably saved the gentleman'S
life. This story might appear little
apochryphal, but it can be verified by
number of witnesses, among whom was
the writer. The gentleman, after re
cuperating his energies, continued his
Journey to the summit, and in about an
hour and a half later made his appear
ance at the hotel, where he was warmly
welcomed.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
How TO Deal Probably in Bologna.

The other day about noon, a young
man, left in charge of one of the law
offices on Grant Street, thought he
would 90 down Diamond Alley and in
vest one of his hard-earned five-cent
pieces in free lunch. He had just got
his hat on his head and his foot on the
threshold of the office door, when an
individual, with basket on his arm,
entered the sanctum of law.
'DO you want any sausage tO-day?"
he asked of the law student, taking the
lid off his basket and displaying about a
dozen large bologna sausages.
81 dunno, )" said the clerk in heSi-
tating manner; "hOw much?h
''Only ten cents apiece, an cheap at
the price" replied the sausage vender,
taking one out.
The clerk thought this would save
him a trip down town, so he decided to
purchase. Accordingly he took one of
the largest sausages in the basket and
handed the man the required sum-ten
cents-and was about to cut it in two
when the peddler asked:
''You haven't seen any mad dogs this
season, have you, mister?"
There was something so evidently
suggestive in this that the young man
laid down the untasted bologna.
"No, | haven't. Why?"
"'Well, just thought as how this
was dog-days, that you might have seen
one shot. If so, would like to hold
an inquest on the corpus. But as you
hain't seen any, it's all right" and he
started for the door. But as the clerk
again picked up the sausage, he ven
tured: 'sThem there sausages are all
fresh" " he said; ''jist made this morn
ing"
(The clerk took a bite y
/ 'sThere was a cat-fght on our roof
last night, an the way them critters
hOwled was a caution. But | ups and
gifts my old shotgun, and blast me if |
didn't kill thirteen of them
(The clerk put down his bologna
F'And what did you do with their
bodies?" he asked, sickly smile steal
ing over his pallid features.
"Now, see here, Mister, when tell
you story You shouldn't ask any ques-
tions. But them there cats amt on our
roof now, you bet. -
A thought seemed to strike the clerk.
''You killed thirteen cats last night,
you say?" he asked.
eyes, Mister, that's jist what said,
and iist what did"
''And these sausages were manufac-
tured this morning.
A horrid smile spread over the sau-
sage mans face.
''Again your humble servant says
yes, he answered.
"One more question: - continued the
interested young man. ''Are these
sausages made out of cats?'
''That's a leading question, Mister,
which this court won't answer. But if
you feel like chewing up a few rats after
you get the bologna down, it amt my
fault" and he started to 90.
"Here, my man." said the Mortified
clerk. 81 guess don't want any sau-
sages to-day. Never mind the money.
Begonei"
The bologna man went out of the
door, saying to himself: ''That's the
fourth time I've sold that bologna to-
day, which makes forty cents clear. If
| Keep on this way I'll soon get rich.
Good day, Mister, I'll call tomorrow
and the inkstand just missed his head as
he closed the door --Putsburgh Leader.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02

tears in her smile, and when | took her
hand for the chdSSc- cyoiSez felt it burn
through her glove.
She left on me so delicious an impress
sion that l could not sleep, and for two
whole DAYS never ceased to envy the
handsome Ernest.
''How happy he must be-" said to
myself. 'sShe loves him! Who would
not purchase mt this price sleepless
nights or even danger? She loves him. -"
Three days after, while crossing the
Luxemburg, | purchased paper to
see if young debutant named Lockroy
had made a ''hit" at the Odeon. l
opened it, and this is what | read on
the first page:
"a duel took place yesterday morn
ing near the Pool of Auteuil between
Monsieur T, the stock broker, and
Monsieur Ernest -, well known in
fashionable circles The latter fell,
pierced through the head by a bullet.
Death was instantaneous. 1t is our duty
to suppress the motives attributed by
the public for this sad affair. Prom
The French
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
The Most Powerful War Vessel in the
World.

The British ironclad Inflexible is now
about one fourth completed, work hay
ing been begun on her in February,
1874. Unless the progress of invention
results in the projecting of a still more
formidable engine of marine warfare
before the Infexible is launched, she
will possess the thickest armOr, the
heaviest guns, the largest displacement
in tons, the most machinery in the
world, and probably prove more eXpen-
sive than any other war vessel hitherto
constructed. She will have engines
for steering, for loading guns, for hoist
ing shot and shell, for ventilation, for
moving turrets, for lowering boats,
and for turning the capstan as well as
for the propulsion. The vessel is little
more than a floating castle, rectangu-
lar above water, 100 feet long, by 10
feet in width, and protected by "a inch
es total thickness of iron. The turrets
which are placed within the citadel are
formed of iron of a single thickness of
Is inches, and within each of them are
two S0-tOn guns, which can be trained
to any point of the compass.
The main engines work up to 5000
indicated horse power, and the bunkers
carry l POO tons of coal. The total
cost of the vessel is placed at 2 ,605 900
dollars.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
PUNGENT PARAGRkPHs.

Do not Jump to the conclusion that a
man is a villain simply because his
glance is habitually dOwneaSt. lie may
be shoemaker.
ONE of Governor Hayes uncles died
recently and left him $3.50, 600. We
propose TO pin this paragraph against
the bedroom door of every uncle we
poSsesS-even if they have to Seal the
money.
SAMUEL HAcKENBERY, of Alabama,
didn't come home at the usual hour the
other night, and when his wife found
him hanging to a limb the next dav she
remarked: al told him TO let them
hogs alone.
THE man who bushes when lady
acquaintance sees him coming out of u
saloon, is not entirely lOst--he may be
found most any time afterwards going
into the back door r.---BrHnScicker.
BANGs wanted to move from the resi-
dence of his wife's mother, and occupy
rooms i'm one of his tenants houses.
ga pretty idea, =" exclaimed Mrs. T.,
Indignantly, "live with our tenants, III
deed!" 81 don't care, replied Bangs,
''I'd rather live with eleven auntS than
one mother-in-law."
If men,are the salt of the earth, wo-
men are the sugar. Salt Is necessity,
sugar is luxury. Vicious men are the
saltpetre; hard, stern men, the rock
salt; nice, family men, the table salt.
Old maids are the brown sugar; good
natured matrons, the loaf sugar; pretty
girls, the fine pulverized white sugar.
Pass the sugar, please .---BrunSWicbcr.
A BEREAvED New York lady went to
her minister asking him to come and
perform tie funeral service of her fourth
husband, he having ofliciated for the
three who had previously disappeared
from the public view. ''Why, madam,
how is this ?' asked the reverend gentle
man. "Ah, it's mighty bad, y she re-
piled. "There was never poorwoman
worn down with such lot of dying men
as I've BEEN .
IT NAV be doubted whether SartoriS
is passionately fond of babies. The
other morning, while he was standing
on the piazza in the midst of group of
his boon companions, Nellie came waltz
ing out with the national grandchild in
her arms, and, planting it playfully
upon his shoulder, exclaimed: ''Oh,
amt it darling, Algy?" "Well, IRE
turned Algy with the mortified air of
man who had been taken advantage of,
"WeU, its mother is, ,'--Br0OkiyB
ArgES.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
Short Hints Concerning Sickness.
Don't whisper in the sick-reom.

/. Don't whisper in the sick-reom.
When the doctor comes to see you,
remember how many pairs of stairs he
has to climb every day, and go down to
him if you are well enough.
When you are sitting up at night with
a patient, be sure to kave something to
eat, if you wish to save yourself unnec-
essary exhaustion.
Remember that sick people are not
necessarily idiotic or imbecile, and that
it is not alwayswisc to try to persuade
them that their sufferings are imagina-
ry. Thep may even at times know best
vh9t they need.
Never deceive a dying person unless
by the doctors express orders. 1t is
not only wrong to allow any soul to 90
into eternity without preparation, but
how can you tell but that he has some
thing he ought to tell or do before he
goes away?
If you have a sick friend to whom
YOU wish to be of use, do not content
Yourself with sending her flowers and
Jelly, but lend her one of your pictures
to hang in place of hers, or a bronze to
replace the one at which she is so tired
of staring.
Don't have needless conversations
with the doctor outside of the sick-room.
Nothing will excite and irritate ner-
vous patient sooner. If you do have
such conversations, don't tell the pa
tient that the doctor said "'nothing "
He won't believe you, and he will
imagine the worst possible.
In lifting the sick, do not take them
by the shoulders and drag them up on
to the pillows, but get some one to help
YOU. Let one stand on one side of the
patient, the other opposite, then Join
hands under the shoulders and hips,
and lift steadily and promptly together.
This method is easy for those who lift,
and does not disturb the one who is
lifted.
Do not imagine that your duty is over
when YOU have nursed your patient
through his illness, and he is about the
house, or perhaps going out again.
Strength does not come back in mo-
ment, and the days when little things
worry and little efforts exhaust, when
the cares of business begin to press,
but the feeble brain and hand refuse to
think and execute, are the most trying
to the sick one, and then comes the
need for your tendereSt care, your most
unObtrusive watchfulness -Scribner for
SCptCmbCr.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02

like it was when / was young-an' now
goodnight. You can talk the thing
over, an You an me, John, II 90 to
town an get the license tomorrow.
Soon be time to 90 to plowin no time
for love-makin' then. Goodnight,
goodnight; hope l wasn't too rough,
but | was determined to fix the thing
up one way or 'tother;" and the old
man went back to bed.
Now that the ice was broken, the
young people laid all their plans for the
future, and John felt Just little bad at
the comfort he had lost, when Mary
looked up at him shyly, and said:
''This would have been all right four
months ago, John, if you hadn't been
so skeery. | know'd all the time that
you wanted to ask me but it wasn't my
place to say any thing, you know"
No cards
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02
Grammar and Clean Corners.

\ female servant in the family of a
gentleman in the Department of the In
terror, Washington, is allowed to make
a yearly visit to her old home in Rich
mond. Virginia. Last summer, when
she left, substitute was employed, q
mulatto girl. who had been quite well
educated. She performed the duties in
a rather indifferent manner. When
the regular servant returned, she began
her tour of investigation to ascertain
how her work had been done, and was
disguised at the evident want of neat
ness manifested everywhere. Her in
dignation finally found vent in the fol-
lowing, to her mistress: "I'll tell you
what it is, Miss --, YOU can't get
grammar and clean corners out of the
same nigger," Which, if true, offers
a knotty problem in reference TO the ed
ucation of the race Hasper'S Draicer.
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02

bic medicaments prepared by his own
private apothecary. Frederick the
Great, who, despite his skepticism,
took queer interest in. aStrologers,
said of him, .'This is aman who does
not die" NIirabeau adds, epigram-
matically, "He was always a careless
fellow, and at last, unlike his prede-
cessors, forgot not to die. Ill The
Year R0UDd
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02

ALITrLE boy in Springfield, after his
customary evening prayer, a night or
two ago, continued, 'And bless man.
ma, and Jenny, and Uncle Benny, - adj
ding, after a moments pause, the ex-
planatory remark, ''his name is Hop
Ling -
The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-09-02

THE ashes of the cremated Lady
Dixie weighed just pounds; so that,
after all, our bodies are made up of a
few pailfuls of water and little dust