, 1875-12-11
Humorous Paragraphs.

-A-e@fNN~N .
that instead of spending a dollar and
a half for that massive diamond pin
last summer, be had judiciously inves-
ted IN a pair of winter drawers.
A lawyer, about to finish bill OF
costs, was requested by his client,
baker, to make it as light as possible.
ABR said the lawyer, you might very
properly say that to the foreman OF
your establishment, but that is not the
way | make my bread
i say, Sambn, where did you git de
shirt studs in de shop, to be sure
Yah, you Just told me you hadn't no
money Oats right How did YOU
cit 'em, den?' well, | saw on card
in de window, collar studs, SO | went
in and collar'd 'em.'
An authority Wisely remarks, that
when You see a young married man
contemplating baby carriages with a
calm and thoughtful eye, you may rea'
sonably infer that the matrimonial sky
is bright, serene and little sonny.
But you had daughter not to be too
sure Of that.
Don't write long obituaries. Save
some of your kind words for those
living.
How are you getting on at your
Few placeH asked lady of a girl she
had recommended for a situation
sVerv well, thank you,' answered the
girl. Pm glad to hear it, said the
lady, 'your employer is nice person,
and you cannot do too much for her.
Il don't mean to, ma'am,' was the in
nocent reply.
Two preachers were, some time ago
passing Hawes' old mill, on Lead
Creek, which was at that time sadly
delapidared. One of them remarked
that the mill needed a new dam, and
was lorritied when his reverend
brother earnestly answered That
mill is not worth a dam The SEEM
ingly wicked brother is now our Pre-
siding Elder.
\ Philadelphia man has discovered
that a house may be heated 10y rehec-
ton. We hail the discovery with JOY,
and hope TO see the time when every
man may sit down and reflect lew
burning thoughts to warm up his
domiciIe for the day; and then 60
down town and dance jig Of exul-
tant defiance before the office door of
the starving wood dealer.
Is this the doctors office p inquir-
ed man who popped his head in side
the sanctum door. No, sir-the
next flight of stairs well, l am
too tired to 90 any further said he,
sadly; but if you see the doctor any
time this morning, | wish you would
tell him that my step mother is dying
and we'd like to have him call in if
he gets time
n promising young shaver of five
or six years was reading his lesson at
school one day, IN that deliberate
manner for which urchins of that age
are some what remarkable As he
proceeded with the task he came upon
the passage, : Keep thy tongue from
evil and thy lips from guile Master
Hopeful drawled cut, keep-thy-
tongue-irom -evil-and-thy-lips
-frOm-girls'
\ little fellow who was at a neigh
boris house about noon the other day
watched the preparations for dinner
with a great deal of interest, but
when asked TO stay and eat something
he promptly refused. Why, Yes,
Johney, you'd better stay said the
lady; why can't you?' Well,
cause said the little fellow, ma said
| mustn't unless you ask me three
times They invited him twice more
right off
y boy of ten went into a Grand
Birer Avenue grocery, Yesterday, and
called for a five cent bar of soap.
He left a nickle on the counter and
started ont, but the grocer called
See here, boy, this is a lead nickel
| don't take such money as this The
boy left the soap, ard took up the
nickle without a word, but on reach.
ing the walk he burst ont | told ma
he wasn't near sighted, but she stuck
to it and stuck to it, and now Pm
LA BILE to be jailed