Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-12-30
PleaSAntrtes.

Jones In writing to friend says that
he is glad to say that his wife is recover.
ing very slowly.
What requires more philosophy than
taking things as they come? Parting
with thing as they 60.
The minister who divides his d,scours-
es into too many heads will find it diff
cult to procure attention for all Of them
An Iowa editor recently announced
that certain patron Of his was "thiev-
ing as usual" The word he wrote was
"thriving."
"A woman in our neighborhood," says
a correspondent, ''has just taken the veil.
It belonged to some one else, so that she
will be secluded for the space of two
years."
A good book and good woman are ex-
cellent things for those who know how to
appreciate their values. There are men,
however who Judge of both from the
beauty of their covering.
TO make a fashionable mutf-cover an
ordinary size tumbler with cloth or vel.
vet, and put fur or satin bows Oh the
edges. Put one thumb in, and let your
arm hang as if broken.
ut is all very we'll for you, my dear -
but when my husband grumbles and
says why don't smart myself up in the
fashion, l tells him beauty unadorned
don't want any adornments."
Augustus, DEAR" said she, tenderly,
pushing him from her, as the moonlight
flooded the bay.window where they were
standing, II think.you had better try some
other hair-dye-your mustache tastes like
turpentine."
''Parson tells me SIR" said British
farmer once, speaking Of that extraordi-
nary race Of people, the gypsies, "that
their origin is lost in the mists of iniquity;
and I'm bound to say believe him, tor
greater rogues don't live"
A woman cured her husband from stay.
ing out late at night by going to the door
and whispering through the kcyholc, us
that you Willie?" Her husbands name
is John, and he stops at home at night
now, and sleeps with one eye open and
revolver under his pillow.
"Ahw SAID a teacher-"ah Caroline
Jones what do you think you would have
been without good father and pious moth
p" II suppose, num-" said Caroline, Il
suppose mum, as I should ha' been a
nophing."
A traveller was lately boastiDg Of the
luxury Of arriving at night, after hard
days journey, to partake Of a we'll cut
ham and the left leg off goose. "Pray,
sir, what is the peculiar luxury of left
leg" "Sir, to conceive the luxury, You
must find that it is the only leg that is
left"
A Pennsylvania says that he entered a
car and when the brakeman came inside
and took a key out Of his pocket, unlock
ed the stove, put in some wood and locked
the door again, he asked him what he
locked the stove for, aud he shut his left
eye and said he locked the doors 80 the
couldt go out.
A young clergyman whose reputation
for veracity was none of the best, ventured
to differ with I'm old doctor of divinity as
to the propriety Of whipping children
"Why," said he, "the only time my father
whipped me was for telling the truth
"Well," retorted the doctor, lit cured you
of it, didn't it,"
"What can you say of the second law of
thought!' Student-"1t canhot both be
and not be. For example, the door over
there must be either shut or open; it can't
be both shut and open." Tutor-"Give
another illustration" Student-"Wel],
take the case of another door,"
Ptous old party: "And now Mrs. Stub
bins, I've one important question TO ask.
Does not Satan oftimes tell you that you
are not a Christian - Mrs. Stubbins-
"Yes, zee do so" p. 0. P-"And what
say you to him on these occasions ?" Mrs.
Swell, say whether be or no, it
can't possible he none of is business.
Young man, if you sec your girl gazing
intently at your feet, don't move them
about uncasily, or draw them up and sit
upon them, under the impression that she
is overwhelmed with their Immense size.
She is merely their measure mentvlly for
a pair Of slippers, on the toes Of which
she intends to work blue dog, with
green tail and scarlet cars,