Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1875-10-08
NO. Al.
MIsCELLANEOUs.


mat? A step farther.
AT what time Of day was Adam born9
A little before Eve.
When is a small baby like big bank
err When he is a Wroth-chid.
ntoxicsting,music-"A Ale to the Chief"
-Discoursing sweet music-blowinR
your own trumpet.
The height of rimpudence-thel length of
a book agent.
Somebody advertises for a machine
girl. Is she better than band-maid?
Josh Billings says he will take the
stage this winter; also, the railroad cars,
when they run his way.
81 have bought my first last" was the
remark of cobber when he set up busi-
ness for himself We should have thought
be would have bought last first.
If young ladies wish 10 get stout they
should eat their food slowly. Haste does
not make waist in such cases. Detroit
NepS.
An Ohio boy swallowed four or eve OF
the wheels of an eight-day clock, and he
has kept the whole family running" ever
since the event.
When they catch man gathering Del
aware caches at midnight they preserve
whatever good traits he has in him by
shooting half pint of salt into his legs.
Father Imhof, Of Richmond, Ind, has
just lived out his one hundrcdth year. It
is hoped, by his friends, be will live 10
pack his carpet-bag next year, and say to
the public: "Imhoff for the Centennial"
"A few days ago Norwich man bought
chest OF Tea in Providence, and on open
ing 1t found stone inside Weighing nearly
eleven pounds. He remarked that the
weighs of Providence are very mysterious.
-Nortoich Bulletin.
The Detroit Tribune asserts that law
yer in that city is troubled with a conscience
SO large that when he makes a mistake that
entails loss on his client he pays it out of
his own pocket.
"A policeman and a butcher chased
dog three blocks in Providence and fred
at him nine times, and the Journal plain
lively asks If he was mad. Ifhe wasn't he
was a remarkably forbearing dog.
John Henry had guest 10 dinner the
other day, and during pause In the con-
versation the entdnt terrible spoke up: "I
wish 1 was you r. "Do you, little boy,
and why do you wish you were ~
"Cos you don't get your ear pinched when
you eat vittles with your knife.
The Ipswich Chronicle truly remarks
that "it is easier to raise a hundred dollars
for the purchase of gold watch to be pre-
sented to somebody who does not need IL
than 1t is TO collect the same amount from
the same persons who owe the money"
"A FIVE year old son of VIM. Robertson
died Of strangulation at Barnet, few days
ago, while on visit to his uncle's. He
was eating popped corn when he accident
ally inhaled some particles of corn into his
wiudpipe which caused his death in a few
hours.
Two young mel walking down WASH
ington street yesterday were discussing the
means OF obtaining a smoke. "rve got
counterfeit half dollar" said one. "Can't
you pass it?" asked the other. "I don't
know you might" "Me y and the young
mans face became one continuation of an
elongated exclamation point me why the
very fact of my having SO much money
would create suspicion VickSbur1 Her
aid.
"A small Boston boy, who had never at
tended church without his parents, set out
TO service by himself, the other Sunday,
but soon returned, and upon being asked
the reason, said, "Wby, when got there,
they had table set, and as they seemed to
be expecting company, 1 came home; it
was communion Sunday.
1t will hardly be necessary to tell the
MOI Of ha H.
village dry goods store the other day, and
was observed to be looking about, when
the proprietor remarked that they didn't
keep whisky. at would save you a good
many steps If you did," was the stage-driv-
er's quick reply.-Berkshire Courier.
"A Milwaukee man made three unsuc-
cessful attempts TO blow his brains out, and
then his wife told him "DOn't try 1t again,
John; you haven't got any," He goes
about now saying that he owes his life to
that woman. ....
-"My friend" said Rev. Mr.. Kendall, Of
Concord, N. H., to a well.dressed young
stranger, who had volunteered to stand by
his horse while he stepped into a bank,
"my friend, 1 am obliged TO you and when
you are old as l am, and am as young as
you are, will do as much for you." "But
why don't you invite me in to drink ?" was
the rejoinder to the astounded preacher.
Some people are too trusting for this
world. At recent trial the prisoner en-
tered plea OF mot guilty." when one of
the jurymen put on his hat and started for
the door. The judge called him back and
informed him that he couldn't leave until
that case was tried. "TriedH" queried the
juror, "why he acknowledges that he is
not guilty. y."-AfilVdukee Sentinel
When Nevada photographer wants to
make good picture he puts the sitter in
his place, pulls out navy revolver, cocks
it, levels it at the mans head and says,
"Now, just You sit perfectly still, and don't
move hair; put on a calm, pleasant ex-
preston of eountenance, and look right in
TO the muzzle of this revolver, or I'll blow
the top of your head of. Ny reputation as
an artist Is at stake, and don't want no
nonsense about this picture"
The recent crash in San Francisco leads
a correspondent TO remark that the whole
scale of living there sis pitched too high,
while that of work is pitched too low.
There are too many diamonds, too many
$500 gold watches, too many $500 silk dress
es, too many horses for which $500 and up
ward have been paid. Nowhere are the
women so expensiVely dressed. Theatres
thrive in little towns. A liquor shop is the
first place of business established in any
settlement, and it is generally the best fit
led and patronized."
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