The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-04-08
ALI Sorts of Paragraphs.

Signs of spring-the lightning-rod men
are on the road.
To make tall man shortly to borrow
FIVE dollars of him.
- The hardest thing to get on with in this
life is a mans own self.
The man who was hemmed in by a crowd
has been troubled with stitch in his side ever
since
A puppy and an acordeon was the mar
riage fee offered to Cedar Springs clergyman,
the other day.
Exhaustive speeches, as they are called,
oftener exhaust their audiences than they do
their subjects.
At the spelling school in indianapolis all
the lawyers, editors, clergymen and teachers
went down on "ipecacuanha."
"A contemporary boasts that he "can stand
on his intellectual capital" We suppose he
means that he can stand on his head.
- 1t is no harm to shoot a cat in Vermont,
but if you happen to miss the cat and kill
boy, the authorities make an awful fuss over
Experimental PHILOSOPHY Asking a young
lady to marry you. Natural philosophy-S
ing you were only in fun when she refuses
you.
- The old lady who believes every calamity
that happens to herself trial, and every one
that happens to her friends a judgment, is not
yet dead.
A New Orleans paper says the dollar
stores in that city are places where you may
buy twenty-five cent article you don't want,
for four times its value.
- Science is doing much for the world, but
it will never be able to make a farmers wife
believe she won't have company for dinner
when her nose itches before breakfast.
An Illinois granger is about leasing $500
acres of land in Monroe county, Mississippi,
upon which fifty Illinois families will settle
when the negotiations are completed.
A correspondent of the Baltimore Sun
has found in Florida young girl named Neu-
ralgia. She was christened after bottle OF
patent medicine which her mother esteemed.
"A bride in Indiana, after the conclusion
of the ceremony stepped gracefully forward
and requested the clergyman to give out the
hymn: 'This is the way long have sought"
- In peeling onions put a large needle in
the mouth, half in and half out. The needle
attracts the oily juices of the bulb, and any
number may be peeled without affecting the
eyes.
"A young lady while out walking heard,
for the first time, of her mothers intention to
marry again, and she was obliged to sit right
down and cry about it. She could not 60
step-farther
"Only woman's hair" remarked Spiv-
ems, musingly, as he gazed down into his plate
ia red headed woman, at that! 1t may be
very sentimental, but it somehow does away
with my appetite"
Above all things, learn child to be honest
and industrious; if these two things don't ena-
Bile him to make figure in this world. ne is
only cypher, and never was intended tor
fgure.-Josh Billings.
"A country youth, who desired to know
how to become rich, sent quarter IN answer
to an advertisement, and received the following
recipe: Increase your receipts and decrease
your expenditures"
-"Will the boy who threw that pepper on
the stove please come up here and get pres
ent of nice book" said a Sunday school su-
perintendent in Iowa; but the boy never moved.
He was far-seeing boy.
- He bushcd fiery red her heart went
pit-a- pat she gently hung her head and look
ed down at the mat. He trembed IN his
speech he rose from where he sat, and shout
ed with screech "You're sitting on my
hat ,,,
"When 1 go shoppin'," said an old lady,
'I alters asks for what l wants, and if they
have it, and if its suitable and feel inclined
to buy it, and its cheap, and can't be got tor
less, 1 most alters takes it, without chatting
about it all day, as some people do"