Bellows Falls times. [volume] (Bellows Falls, Vt.) 1856-1965, 1875-05-28
Mark Twain on the Recent Epidem-

III iiuIlloTu lut otncT tNcuinSt spohS 90
follows:
Ladies and gentlemen: i have been
honored with the honor of introducing
these approaching photographed solem-
mites with few remarks. The tempe
rance crusade swept the land some time
ago, that is, that vast portion Of the
land where it was needed, but it skipped
Hartford. Now comes this new spelling
epidemic, and this time we are stricken.
So suppose we need the aaiiction. l
| don't say we needed it, for l don't see
any use in spelling word right, and
never did. / mean, / don't see any use
in having a uniform way of spelling
words. We might as well make our
clothes alike and cook all dishes alike.
Sameness is tiresom; vanity is pleasing.
| have correspondent whose letters are
always refreshment to me, there is such
breezy unfettered originality about his
orthography. He always spells Kow
with large X. Now that is Just as good
as to spell it with small one. 1t is bet
ter. 1t gives the imagination broader
field, wider scope. 1t suggests to the
mind agrand, vague, impressive new
kind of COW. Superb effects can be
produced by varigated spelling. Now
there is Blind Tom, the musical prodigy.
He always spells a word according to
the sound that is carried to his ear.
And he is an enthusiast in photography.
| When you give him word he shouts it
out, puts all his soul into it. / once
heard him called upon to spell orang-
outang before an audience. He said,
., rang, orang, ger, Granger, tang,
oranggertangP Now body can respect
an orang-outang that spells his name in
| a vigorous way like that. But the fee
bic dictionary makes mere kitten of
him. In the old times people spelled
just as they pleased. That was a right
idea. You had two chances at stranges.
You know strong man from weak
one by his iron-clad spelling and his
handwriting helped you to verify yon
verdict Some people have an idea that
correct spelling can be taught, and
taught to anybody. That is mistake.
The spelling faculty is born in man,
like poetry, music and art. tits gift;
it is a talent. People who have this gift
in a high degree only need to see word
once in print and it is forever photo
| graphed upon their memory They cam
not forget it. People who haven't it
must be content to spell more or less
like, like thunder, and expect to splin-
ter the dictionary wherever their ortho-
graphical lightning happens to strike.
There are 114,000 words in the una
bridged dictionary know lady who
can spell only $50 of them right. She
steers clear of the rest. She can't learn
any more. So her letters always consist
of those constantly recurring $50 words.
Now and then, when she finds herself
obliged to write upon subject which
necessitates the use of some other words,
she--well, she don't write on that SUBJ
ject. / have a relative in New York
who is almost sublimely gifted. She
can't spell any word right. There is
game called Verbarium. A dozen peo-
pie are each provided with a sheet of
paper, across the top of which is written
long word like kaleidoscopical, or
something like that, and the game is to
see who can make up the most words out
of that in three minutes, always begin
ming with the initial letter 6f the word.
Upon one occasion the word chosen was
coferdam. When time was called every
body had built from five to twenty
words except this young lady. She had
only one word calf. We all studied
moment and then said: "Why there is
no in cofferdam." Then we examined
her paper. To the eternal honor of that
uninspired, unconscious, sublimely-inde-
pendent soul be it said, she had spelt
thet word "cafl" If anybody here can
spell calf any more sensibly than that,
let him step to the front and take his
milk. The insurrection will now begin.