Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-12-29


The proprietor Of 4 rope walk says
that What makes ii hard on rope
makers is that al least fifty mon die
daily of natural causes who ought Ia
be hanged,
Whena n Massachusetts temperance
man gets drunk they carry him into
lie presence OF his wife. and leave
him there without amy means OF de-
Tending himself.
A pauprr ran away from the Poll
county poor-house. The other night
and both his feet were Sohadiy fr0xei
before morning Thai iheg had TO b,
amnnlaied:
We cail'i all he President of th,
United States. but any one of Us ear
throw ashes ON the icy spots and hell
human nature along unrutllea by ;
sudden sit-down.
\ mani in Coioes warned his wifi,
not to light the fire with kerosene
She was not an obcdient wife. Yer,
fortunately her clothes fiji his secont
wife remarkably we'll.
s. G. Knott and 4. w. Shott Tough
Ia duel. The result was that the,
changed positions. Knott was sho
and Shott was not. Ii WAS better Il
be Shott than Knott.
a countryman'S description of Pro
fcssor Proctor: "IIc is what the,
calls Il sayvant'--one. of them chap
as goes into ruptures over things a
nobody understands.
Printed signs of "IIeaven * Ou
I tIlome.' may be hung in every room
in the house. yet Il man will speak nj
promptly and emphatically when Ii,
can't lind The boot jack.
Avoid going Ia law, for quarrel
/ ing dog hath tattrred skin. II i
better 10 suffer Il little loss than run
TO Courts; for the play is not wortl
I the, ,candle.-Po Richard.
The Indians are. very thankful foI
the telegraph poles on the prairie
They formerly had TO ride a Ion.
distance to tind place To chain
prisoner while they tortured him
{
Never insult a man because he j
poor in purse or raiment for heneatl
a ragged coat il may be that 4 nuscl
lies concealed that could put a hea,
ION the oldest man in the business.
Il tombstone lately erected in th
I Nashville cemetery SAYS of the de
ceased; Ills accounts were fOun,
square TO n cent" There are lots o
people who scoils at the idea that am
one is buried under that stone.
The average gorilla Of Central AZ
| rica now points to Stanley and hi
band of explorers, and pathctieall,
reminds his grandchildren that III i
what they may one day expect TO com
to-.
/ Niagara Falls residents no longe
swindle travellers who come to see TIN
sights. They knock 'em down an,
rob EN-; but then. anything for
change, as the man said when he 81
down on buzzsaw.
The Methodists and Quakers hay,
united in a big revival meeting il
Henry county. and every once i'm
while some enthusiastic John Wcsle,
lets out an "Amcn" that turns the maj
on the broad-hrim hats the wron.
way.
| Mr.. Colfay Tells a good stsfy o
President Lincoln "That when h
was attacked with smallpox. he sal,
to his attendants, ''Send mp all til,
oflice-seekers. and Tell them I've go
something | can give each OF then.
Mamma Ito Ethel, on their WAY. /,
the latter's first party Nov, mind
darling, if YOU see any nice things oi
the table that you'd like 10 car. 80,
mustn't ask for them y Ethcl--"Ol,
no, mammal I'll fake them.s
A lady applying for admission /,
| the junior class Of an eastern scmiil
ary, being questioned by the Presi
dent rs TO her qualifications, replied
II aint much OF an arithmeticker, bil
lam an elegant grammarist."
Two lovers at Wilmington, Illinois
have fallen out. The girl was abo,l
to marry another Young man, whel
her former suitor replevined a sew
| ing machine he had given her. Sh
responded by suing him for the valu
OF meals eaten at her house, aud nov
lie has sued her for the time hc occu
pied in counting her.
Yomg ladies may lind u hint in iii
following advertisements which come