Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1875-05-15
On the Witness Stand.

Edward Eggleston, the author, was on
the witness stand in the Tilton- Beecher
case. He tells us about it as follows:
After little scolding and browbeating
from cross-examiner, q man either
grows confused or gets mad tried it.
l am slow to anger, but little hot when
l do get mad. bore some sneers. The
incredulous toneI had expected. Two
or three yells only made me- think that
Justice must be deaf, as well as blind.
The warning forefnger and threatening
Now, sir" of the Brooklyn sergeant
amused me. / knew how / could. re-
venge myself. The lawyer would find
it wasn't safe to badger story writer.
I deliberately resolved to put him in a
novel shaking forefnger, high cheek
bones, polite sneer, air of omniscience,
voice cooling to badgered witness like
the soothing melody of quartz mill,
and all. I enjoyed it. Good material,
l studied him as naturalist does o
chinchbug-with muchinterest and some
trepidation. But when he interrupted
me, contradicted me, and reproved me ]
ceased to be amused and replied in tones
very like his own. I became all at once
very cross examined. That is what
remember of the cross ss-examination,
except one thing. One unlucky word
the p .pers, especially the religious pa
pers, will not let me forget. I had got
over being mad. The whole thing seemed
funny again, and l had an irresistible
desire to joke at my own expense. A
joke on ones self is the safest, generally
there is nobody to knock you down or
to joke back. One is su1e to get the
best of ones self. So, when the cross
examiner, softened perhaps by my un-
conscious imitation of his tone in con-
tradicting him, asked me of what de-
nomination l was minister, 1 replied
GA Methodist preaching to a Congrega.
tional church," and then, while he locked
over the memoranda of puzzling ques
tions which the plaintiff, my quondam
chief, had devised for my torment,
added, in a playful aside: "Lyine
around loose generally" The converse
tion between the lawyer and myself had
up to this point seemed very dry. ]
thought that he meant to go into theolo
gy, and l knew that would be drier, i
possible, than the discussion of any.
body's free-love views had been. I was
q weary traveller who had crossed one
desert and was about to enter another
[ stopped and plucked one little blade O
grass in making q single playful remark.
never dreaming what dread conse
quences would follow. The awful law
yer was modified by my playfulness. H
laid aside his Jovian thunder, and re
piled in tone that showed the gentle
man under the lawyers hide: A very
good way of doing good sometimes.
And after ascertaining that l reverence(
John Stuart Mill, spite of his unbelief
he relaxed his grip on my throat ant
mercifully let me go. Who knows bul
that this one playful aside saved tn,
country the fate of having to read m,
whole confession of faith in the form O
a catechism, an eminent lawyer acting a
a catechist and as victim. If I hat
been desirous of propagating any pc
theories, I should have sought this op
portunity of disseminating them ON thu
wings of the wind. For everybody
seems to have read my testimony, ant
when I said "lying around loose gen
orally" in half whisper I was uncon
sciously debating my own epitaph
Every friend l meet begins to smile a
me half block away, and know tina
he is meditating the same old joke a
nv eXpense