Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-04-22
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

hands.
S1eNs of spring-The hghtningrod men
are on the road.
ORDER is Heavens first law, and it has.
never been repealed.
A QUEER beast for Barnum-The
Equine Ox.-Arcadian.
THE most melancholy spectacle in the
world is cold pancake.
If you are out in driving storm, don't
attempt to hold the rains.
A PRISONER in the New York Toombs
has lately died of trichina.
THE aroma of kerosene upsets the
stomach of the average rat.
WHY is promissory note like rose
bud? Because it is matured by falling
dew"
THERE is great distress at Rienzi,
Miss, in consequence of the recent tor
nado.
LET some one rise and explain what
has become of the Greeley monument
fund
WHY is naming the day" like a naval
battle? Because it's marrytime en-
gagement.
WHY is solar eclipse like a woman
whipping her boy? Because it's hid
ing of the sun.
A YOUTH of twenty three was married
to dame of sixty-five in West Cornwall :,
Conn, recently.
An Irish doctor lately sent m his bill
to a lady as follows: "To curing your
husband till he died"
THE latest spellingma wrinkle is
contest between the old maids and bach
elors of Quincy, Mass.
ONE of the rules of Rhode Island base
ball club is that no man shall make
count by knocking his ball into Massa-
chusetts.
THE oyster beds along the Shrewsbury
River, near Long Branch, have been
seriously damaged by the cold weather
of the past winter.
SOME men don't get enthusiastic over
the return of spring. There's old Sor-
shum, for instance, who swears his wife's
feet are as cold as ever!
A MILWAUKEE woman has been sick
nearly year from fancying that she saw
kangaroo in the looking glass while she
was trying on new bonnet.
A VERY little girl told her mamma be-
tween the sobs resulting from her finger
being damned in door the other day
that it took all the air out of her"
A MILLION dollars worth of silver has
been forwarded from the Pacific coast to
the Philadelphia mint, and will be coined
into fve-cent pieces and twenty-cent
pieces.
"No," SAYS Miss Wriggle, mo in
deed, we didn't smuggle when we came
home from Europe. Pa had a friend in
the ustom-House, and we got all our
things over so nicely, you see" Oh, yes;
we see!
Mr.. HEDGEMAN BROWN recently killed
" two hun dred and fifteen rice birds" at
single shot. He fired one barrel of his
gun only, which, was loaded with fine
birdshot. So says the Dallas (Tex)
Herald.
THE latest centennial idea is that of a
Frenchman who offers a prize of 5000
francs for the best drama upon the EXhi-
bition, the main point to be the glorifica-
ton of his country for aiding in the work
of American independence.
WHEN a common japanese goes into
the presence Of an office-holder he must
say: "Great and distinguished child of
the sun, deign to put your foot upon my
neck" There's some pleasure in hold
ing an office in that country.
A PUPIL in the Kritztown (Pa) school
got mad, drew a revolver and blazed
away at the teacher the other day. The
bullet lodged in the wall without hurt
ing anybody. The old-fashioned spit
ball is the thing for school-rooms.
SIxTY-oNE residents of the rural dis
tricts in Indiana County, Pa, published
a card in the papers warning sports
men and fishermen that they must keep
off the land owned by these respective
parties or otherwise abide by the conse-
A GENTLEMAN in Europe writes: Il
see in the American papers notices of
bank bills altered from one denomina-
ton to another This is impossible in
this part of the world, through the very
simple device of having bills Of different
values made of different sizes"
A CRUEL April-fool hoax was perpe-
trated ON nearly all the Hartford Conn
clergymen, by sending invitations TO
them to come to the United States Hotel
to unite couple in marriage. About
twenty-four of them came around, to the
great delight of the crowd who had as
sembled to see their discontinue.
NOTE for spelling The die
tionaries give authority for no -ess than
fourteen spellings of the word in ques-
ton, viz. Mosquito, mosquito, moscheto,
moschetto, mosquetoe, mosquetto, mus
Ghetto, muschetto, musketo, muske-
toe, muskitto, musqueto, musque
toe and mosquito. And then there are