South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-02-26

me. lie Is not alone IN TINS regard.
s~'Is there any man in this town
named After Noon?" inquired Mississ-
ippi postmaster as he held up q letter
directed up. NJ
Ivan Akron physician tells OF lit
tie boy who came to him and said =
Doctor, L want some ipecac." What
do you want il for?' Never mind, just
give it me- ''Who sent you here?''-
Nobody sent me; came myself" /
can't let you have it unless you tell me
what you are going to do with it.
Well, Doctor, our hired girl has swal-
lowed silver quarter, and she said that
if L would give her something that would
bring it up, / might have it."
He THoUGHT 1T WAS DELIRIUM IRE
MENs.-Snifiles brought his two weeks
spree to close on Thursday night. He
lay on lounge in the parlor, feeling as
mean as sour lager, when something in
the corner of the room attracted his at
tention. Raising on his elbow he gazed
steadily ut it. Rubbing his eyes, lie
stared again, and rs he stared his terror
grew. Calling his wife, he asked her
hoarsely:
"Mirandy, what is that?"
What is what, Likey?"
Sniffles's name is Lycurgus, and his
wife calls him Likely for short and sweet"
why hat-that-thingi in the corner"
said the frightened man, pointing Mt it
with a hand shaking like politician.
'Iikey, dear, see nothing" replied
the woman.
what, you don't see it - he shrieked.
"Then I've got 'em. Oh, heavens
bring me the Bible. Mirandy, bring it
quick Here, here on this sacred book
L swear never to touch drop of wills
key. If L break my VOW, may my right
hand cleave to the roof of my mouth,
and"
Here, catching another glimpse of the
terrible object he clutched his wife and
begged in piteous tones:
Don't leave NEEDN'T leave your Lii
key" and burying his face in the folds
of her dress, he sobbed and moaned him.
self into a troubled sleep
Then his wife stole gently to the cor
ner, picked up the toy snake, and threw
1t into the stove.
VA one-legged Yankee orator nam
eel Jones, was pretty successful in ban
tering an Irishman, when the latter ask
ed him: Glow did you come to lose
your leg?" well" said Jones. ION
examining my pedigree, and looking up
my descent, | found there was some l.
IRISH in me, and having become convin-
ced that it had settled in that left leo. I
had 1T cut off at once. BE the powers"
said Pat, lit would have been better
thing if it had settled in your head
RoUGR JoKE.-One night last week.
while Mr.. Gerot, of this city, was quietly
reposing in his berth in sleeper on the
Chesapeake and Ohio Railroad, he felt
hand gently glide over his person, and
imagining that his pocket book was in
danger, struck straight from the shout
der, at the same time volunteering the
information that he wanted no id rob-
Der about him.
The supposed thief, rs soon as he re-
covered from the blow. apologized and
stated that he was looking for his basket.
Yes" returned Mr.. Geret, that is
what all the ID thieves say" and was
preparing to exercise his muscle again
when light was struck and revealed to
hls astonished gaze General Francis III .
Smith, who had in the darkness gotten
in the wrong sleeping apartment and
who, in company with Gov. Letcher. was
on his way to Lexington.
Mutual explanations followed. and MI
hands had hearty laugh, but we learn
the General received n severe blow
Richmond Enquirer
LIZA little girl braids the hair of one
who sat in front of her, instead of study
ing, when the teacher remarks: "Home
- the place for arranging hair. not here.
What would you think to see me braid
ing my hair in SCHOOL," Presently Su.
sans hand is raised, and the teacher.
supposing she wishes TO ask some cues
ton about the lesson, mods, when she
hears the following: MARY saws your
hair is false, and you wouldn't dare to
DO il here :"
y The New York Observer gives the
following scene on the cars not many
miles from Utica: Enter a lady, who adj
dresses n well-known railroad official
Mr.. --, do you think that Mr.. Beech
or Is guilty? Guilty Of what. mad.
am?" Exit lady, sufrused with bushes.
VA Western incident is thus deli.
cately touched by the HHvohce NeVs
Ned Nose used to travel around Colo