The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-04-08
Wit and HumOr.

bORES most people haYe-Ne1gh-bOrs.
The earth is dirty while the ocean is
tidy.
A FLAMING youth-Burns in his boy
hood.
REGULAR branch establishments
Trees.
COFFEE grounds-A West Indian plan
tation
A wEnn-KNowN ield-oficer-A kernel
of corn.
WILLING prisoner-A man locked in
slumber
FIRM language Conversation between
partners.
A COUNTRY editor, in his financial arti-
Gle, says, Money is close, but not
close enough to reach"
The newspapers are full of advertise
ments for plain cooks. We suppose
pretty cooks have no occasion to adver-
tise at ALL
In New Zealand they have to adver-
ti8e for men to run for fat Offices, and it
is evident that the American traveller
has not yet reached New Zealand.
A PHILADELPHIA broker coilrted q
young lady for six years, and was too
bashful to ask for her hand until her
brother horse-whipped him into it..
"HERE's to the vine that made this
wine,' said Spivins, as he swallowed
glass of milk. "What vine was that 2"
asked Smith. "Boyine, was the prompt
response.
LADY Before I engage you, I
should like to know what your religion
is" Cook" Oh, ma'am I always feel
it my duty to be of the same religion as
the family is. -
The spectators at a wedding in Eng
land the other day must have been SUI
prised to see "tEe bride walk on the
arm of her father" feat which is duly
recorded in local paper.
SING SING dialogue IF you have any
trade, prisoner, state it, and we viii put
you to work at it." Prisoner Gust en-
tered -" Well, boss, I was brung up d
bartender, and I'd like to go to work at
that !"
A CLERGYMAN of Reading, Pa, has
made a hit of introducing PERSONAL"
in prayers. Here is sample Lord,
have mercy on John Shanahan, who
keeps a saloon near the old bridge.
Either lay him on bed of sickness or
have him moved out Of town.
The recently widowed Mrs. Murphy
to friends "Well, thin, Mrs. Lanni-
gan, when poor Micky, rist his sowl, was
all nately commissioned, put him in
the joog, do We mind, for thought, We
know, he'd be feelin' more contented
there nor any other place at all.
AT a trial not long since, one of the
witnesses, an old lady of some 80 years,
was closely questioned by the cross-ex-
amining counsel relative to the clearness
Of her eyesight. "Can you see me o.
he said eyes, was answered. Chow
well can you see me 2" persisted the bar
rister. "Well enough, responded the
lady, {" to see that you are neither a ne
gro, an Indian, nor gentleman.
A GENTLEMAN owned farm in New
Jersey. It had been long in the family.
Embarrassments compelled him to sell,
and the farm was put up at auction. He
felt so bad about the sale that he could
not attend it, but sent over his head
servant On his return the master said :
g Well, John, was the farm sold?'' Yes,
sir. "Did it sell well?'' sit went
very low" "Who bought it?' 81
did" "You, John? Where did you
get your money!" CT laid up my wages
since worked for you" "Wen, John,
I'll tell you what I will do. As soon as
you get the title to your property I'll
come and work for you, and buy the
farm back.
BRAIN TISSUE.
There is party, fat and stout
AS any Turk BosphOrUs,
Who at our dinner-tabe sits,
And meier his babble intermlts,
But praise of mush and wheaton grits
And "mean amount Of phosphorus"
He always airs his favorte theme,
Nor cares penny's toss for us,
But rails at beef with s'Pooh!" and g Pish ~
And calls for cod and other hSh,
Hoping to gain-his dearest wish
EThe mean amount OF phosphorus"
Oh! that he'd change his boarding place
'Twould surely be no loss for US
But there's one consolation yet
His star. ascendant, soon will set,
Some time he'll die, and then he'll get
Z" His mean amount of phosphorus"
Springfield Republican.
In Hungary it appears that even the
sheep chew tobacco, and thrive well on
it, if we may believe Professor Wright
son, who made tour through that coun-