The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-08-21

Don de guile" reports his glievous trials
with an umbrella to The Virginia Enterprise:
| remained in New York three days. The
day after my arrival it rained all day. was
in the Grand Central hotel and had business
away down town at Pine and Liberty streets,
and in all kinds Of places where could not
90 without an umbrella So l bought one
the first one | ever bought in life. 1t was
also about the only one that l ever undertook
to control. | bought this machine because
was now, | argued, in rainy country-liable
to have showers at any time, and occasionally
between times. 1t was thing should often
want during the summer. When | bought II
let the man | got II of do all the talking
about umbrellas, while | maintained sort
Of sarcastic neutrality, which melted him to
tell me all he knew about the article in ques-
ton, in all its varieties. At the end OF his
lecture pointed out the one | would take,
and | presume that to this day he believes
me to have been an umbrella sharp-that Is,
an expert in umbrellas. When l got my UNI
brella | marched oHt on Broadway, in front
OF the Grand Central with it, n nice little
shower IN which TO try ii was going. Parties
about me in the portico were unturlinS and
setting SAIL and | unbuttoned the band of
my umbrella and tried to unfurl it, but could
not bulge it. tried it in various ways, bat
couldn't do thing whit. | concluded that
the place was too public for further expert
ment, so ! went up 10 my room, locked the
door, drew an armchair up 10 the window,
ami sat down and seriously contemplated my
recent purchase. KNEW that away up under
the cloth there used TO be some kind of slide.
valve that turned loose the whole works, but
| couldn't get inside of this 10 find said valve
or spring. Finally began tracing up all
the ribs of the machine, and found that all of
their ends were tucked under sliding band
of metal. pulled this up and let out the
ribs, when | got inside and found the same
old regulation spring, the mode OF operating
which | remembered, then | got her up. |
again went out in front of the hotel, and this
tirae unfurled with flourish. OF | started
down Broadway. 1t was all umbrellas as far
as | could see up and down the Sidewalk
bounding pillows of umbrellas. | suffered
mnumerable collisions IN umbrella coming
up street would strike one edge OF my UNI
brella and send it spinning IN my hand like
a top; while | was looking 10 see what had
happened and whether or not any gentleman
was engaged in apologizing To me; another
umbrella coming down the street would hook
into the ribs of mine and send 1t spinning In
the opposite direction. ! began TO think
perhaps | didn't hold IL night. tired sever
al experiments, and in the midst OF enc oil
them, which promised 10 prove success,
came near being run over by hack, having
got INTO ID cross street without observing IT,
BY steering over 10 the east side of Broadway
and keeping In the least thronged places on
the walk, managed 10 teai down town un-
der full saIl, but coming back l took TO
street car. In the car | turned my umbrella
handle down, as found the water ran out OF
IL more readily that way. Said an old lady
fine, venerable-loOking womas-said she:
"SIr. why do you hold your umbrella in that
wayy' Because, madam said /, ~iEe I'm