davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

4 German subscriber to the J0UrRd5 recent
'lv called to advertise a lost COW, and, accord
Ing TO the long. established custom OF THIS
we'll regulated print shop, we immediately
wrote up the noucc and figured up the cost oi
publication.
vat sh dat?' asked out friend placing The
butt of his whip on our little sum of multi
plication.
We informed him that it would cost Sc
much for advertising his lost COW for three
weeks.
You make me pay for dat?
Certainly; we always take pay Tor adVer
tising.'
You takes pay, eh? Veil, dat ish Won tam
shvndle. l schrbe nit dat Sh0urnoI paper
desc tree years und now you sharge me yoos
for Won leetle advertise Nv mine gow'
But We
'Yol shtop mine Sh0uraal bape-s, una
got some oders, py shlminy, und you gone
little end that horn oud'
But see here, my friend -
4 90 right away und dond get sheated mil
| you, py krashus. Tink you got some SLEEP
| nit a weasel, dond you? Sharge me yoos'
for advertise von Cow! ltyas better Wv you
dond get me mad ven | gone here, und
schrib nit dat ShOurHdl more as tree year
hut YOU makes me mad und you shtop my
babers before / got it next dime. Dat Is
vat man | am kind Nv, py shiminy!
We tried to explain; we tried IN vain we
| lost him and three-weells advertisement ol
a los, gov. py shiminy J0urnot.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

An old gentleman in standing collar and
parsimonious looks entered the Gibson House
barber.shop yesterday, and negotiated for a
square shave. He was shaved.
Shall l tim your hair little" inquired
the barber
'Thank'e I don't care il you do He was
shorn.
Shall | shampoo your hair, sir?'
'Thank'e don't care if you do lie was
shampooed
Shall dye your hair shade?
If you please, SIR
His hair was dyed. Then he rose from his
chair and rendered the astonisheG razor-slash
er q ten-cent shinplaster that looked as if 1t
had been to market every other morning
since the flood.
It's dollar and five cents, SIR said the
chln.scraper
'Wh--a-tr screamed the muchly- -barbered
man. ou-don't-charge-a dollar and
five cents to shave man?'
But, sir, you had your hair cut, dyed and
shampood, besides being shaved
We'll, dern my buttons, thought you were
THROWN all that thare in and he paid the
sum with q look that plainly showed the
ragged edge OF his remorse and his loss OF
confidence in the human race.-CtHcthHdit
Gazette.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

A tuany joke, and all the more palatable
as its truth can be vouched for, says New
Jersey paper, occurred ataprominent church
IN that state. 1t seems that worthy deacon
had been very industrious in selling new
church book, costing IS cents, At the ser
vice in question, the minister, just before dis
missing the congregation, rose and said, "All
We who have children to baptise, will please
to present them next Sunday" The deacon,
who, by the way, was little deaf, having an
eye to selling the books, and supposing the
pastor was referring to them, Immediately
Jumped up, and shouted: "All who haven't I
can get as many as you want by calling on
me at IS cents EACH
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
InnINI NISu'RATOR,S SALE OF
n IL ksA l. E;syIA,I'lE

BY virtue OF an decree OF the County Court OF
La Sale county Illinois, made the petition OF tue uhuer
sgned Caroline Administrative OF he estate
OF Jacob Buechsensten deceased for leave to sell e rea
estate OF deceased the June term A. - lSo OF su
court 10 wit: or the 23d day OF June lH1, snail on
the 6ih day July next at The hour of oclk IN te aer
the County Count House IN Ottawa In tie city OF Ottawa III
said county, real estate described as follows oWlt
ots eighteen and nineteen in the subdivision OF Lot Two
Ottawa City Addition, Ottawa Illinois also ne nndiydea
one.hsf of Lot Four in Block Twenty-Five Original Town
of OTTAWA in city, aud county he property TO Oe son
sbect to Widows dover heren,l In La sale county, IN
nois on the following terms, to wit Onea cash In hand
an dav of sale the balance In six months, with interest at
ten per per snnuu the purchaser 70 give hppo.tu
secrjty and mortgage the premises sold TO secure the
pavrIent OF the balance OF the purchase money.
Dated this Sd day ofJuly A. u. $50. .,.,,,,,,,,,-
~ CAROLINE RUECHSENSTEIN.
Administrative of the Estate OF JACOB
Buechsensten, deceased
Rrcuorsoy 4 Snow Atyorneys iuy3-iw
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

\ young man of good education and busi-
ness talent, had occasion to apply to a Justice
to take acknowledgment of deed-one OF
those knowing justices who can decide
knotty points of law for attorneys, and give
instructions TO juries after the style Of the
circuit judge. Always ready to impart
knowledge, he took up the deed, after filing
up the writing, to explain to his young friend
the difficult and technlcll words. "V.lz''
said the learned justice, "means phiz, or face,
and signifies that what follows is as plain as
a mans face; and this big word, subsequent
Ily,"-casting up his eyes from his paper with
a dignifed and knowing look,-"means 6e-
fJypn
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
p,c,1or SON 4 Snow Atnrneys iuly3-iw


DMINISTK ATOK'S t7ALl OF t,
n REAL ESTATE-By virtue OF an order ana decree OF
the Connty Court La sale county nes. made on the
petition OF the undersigned William Walsh Admnlsrator
Of the estate Maurice Mulvih, deceased Tor leave 10
sell the real estate Of said deceased at the nne term A. D.
1875 OF said court to w.t. on the first day OF July A. d. &
/ shall on Monday, the second day OF August next,
between the OF ten o'clock in the forenoon ana four
O'clock in the afternoon said day. sell at public sae ~
the south door OF the La Sale County Court House IN OF
tawa said county the real estate described as loows 70
Wit: Lot No sixteen, IL Block No fye In the Town OF
Sreator county of La Sale and state OF ILLINOIS so the
following described real estate viz. The east al OF o,
humber one In the College Addition TO the city oil
bloomington county Mclean and state OF Illinois on
theiio terms TO wit Cash In land on day oil sae
6e above described property Is sold subject to widows
dower) -
Dated this Sd day OF July. \: D. lstl.
WILLIAM WALSH,
Administrator Of the Estate Of Maurice
Muyihtl, deceased.
Hoyyvy & MoLosEy Solicitors. iuly3 iw
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

\ tramp writes to the Providence J0ur
nal defense of his profession. He says that
the profession is composed of men "who
90 from place to place through the country
gathering and disseminating great amount
of useful information, relying mainly or the
public hospitality for their temporary nam
tenance never wearing out their welcome by
long soiourn in ore place, never interfering
in politics, carefully and conscientiously alb
staining from the labor question in al! its
phases"
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

How would you feel, dear, if you were to
meetq wolf?" asked an old lady OF her little
grandchild with whom she was walking
alone a lonely country road 90, grandmam-
ma, l should be so frightened was the reply.
But should stand in front OF you and pro-
tect you sald the old lady. Would you,
grannie:" said the child clapping her hands
With delight. THAT would be nice! While
the wolf was eating you l should hayc time
70 run far awaY.n
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

When Vlcksburg negro woman was in
formed the other day by reporter of the
Herald of that city that the price Of sea-lions
had increased fifteen per cent. during the
present month, she elevated her hands and
exclaimed; DE Laud only knows what is to
become of poor folks! Seems zif de more We
worked the oftener de white folks 90 and ri2
Le price on De nessumsaries Of life.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

Very stern parent indeed-"Come here, sir!
What is this complaint the schoolmaster has
made against you?' Much injured youth
-"It's just nothing at all. You see, Jenny
Hughes bent pm, and only just left it on
the teachers chair for him to look at, and he
came IN without his specs and sat right down
on the pin, and now he wants to blame me
flor IT,
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

One of the unfortunate juveniles who So
licit pennies was asked, "Where's your moth,
er?"
She answered dlliIer:ly, Shes dead
Have you no father:"
"Yes, sir; but he's sick"
What ais him . continued the qucstioucr,
Hes got sore finger, sir"
Why don't he cat it off
Please, sir" responded the little maid "he
haInt got any money to buy knife"
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

One of the best double puns VIC have ever
heard was perpetrated by clergyman. He
had just united in marriage couple
whose Christian names were respectively
Benjamin ans Ann. "How did they appear
during the ceremony?" inquired friend.
They appeared both Anniemated and Ben.
nle-ftted,n was the reply.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
A.Cgal.
I,,s, SALE Olr REAL

pVN ECIrrEDIs-s- :.A LIE OF kEsA u
II EST ATE-By virtue Of order and decree OF the
tition of the Benjamin NJ Boyle. Executor OF
last viii ana testament Of Patrick Hafrgen deceased,
sell the real etc OF SAID deceased al tue Jue
term A. d. 1873 Oi said W.T. en- the niteenL DAY ol
July 1852 shall on the fourteenth day OF August next az
the hour of ten O'Clock the forenoon OF said day. sell al
public sale the south door OF tue County Court house
In Ottawa In said county the real estate described W lo
lows Wit: The northwest quarter OF Tie southwest
quarter the southeast quarter Of section sNeen town
shin thtythree In tour east OF the 80 primer
paI merGan he above premises be sold subject 10 the
widows dover theren) In LaSae county, Illinois, on the
following terms to vii: Cash IN hand on DAY oi SAFE
Dated this fifteenth day of July 4. d. lSi5;
BENJAMIN NJ BOYLE,
Executor of the last will OF Patk Harligan. decd.
tr1Inf snS 4. Attorneys, lulyli-iW
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

y little four year old child in New Orleans
ran into her mother, eXclaimine, Mamma,
Kitty sand such naughty word just now y
what was it, dear?" asked the mother. She
put her lips to her mothers ear and whisper
cd, Kitty tcld a saucy little boy that he was
a BecCherr'
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
TBE TyrEE-oIEAE l,rLl- j -AIs:

I,Ir r,to has r,cl . a. glrg: loasos-- 70 an the hest
OF perfect uuHn U ..H'f lI.f1 4''suAl'H
EetAer mach nor too alrt d, DO gIVh lh AZ e.sy
corfdpnfls gfyla wI.uut strain lE atscta'Nr. a. ihe
writer sails Glour hy coasts 40. iNSc ana nNr, aug a
Norwegian towns. Uc give " u'Ic ana Nt'
st ulceut scraps ui history ru AEen interest IN thls
ancient aud w4rkc. but csrCui and ing eusous eo,
5pscrv A. lou UIte. O.. graceful narrative fyi. pgpA
from beHrulrg caa read. ke story tod r We Juit
sea pounng over 'Sa-Bs' and acie1t maHe-cris' 9nr
traveller acc uIro4U.a Ny h, accs, .ugles win
fbe reon makes iTirrGs with ne Lalps, wrCies salmon
naming Ia the pools sleeps 20 NCrn Al beds. ana INDUCES
In LITTLE Wholesome rhetoric their uarTOVness and
discomfort His book T. a. l.'l a- iae mnGual1 beeIe
while his obsrv sfous '1l ci hat E.cy all ap!s
tive feeling which og come isou Sln'fa unl ana
genuine heart
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

There is no truth in the story tho. the son
Of Brigham Young who graduate at West
Point, has proposed marriage TO the whole OF
Vassar college. He Is already engaged TO d
boarding school out west.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

An old lady, observing a sailor go by her
door, and supposing it to be her son Billy,
cried out to him, BILLY, where has the cow
gomez" Gone TO the ID, | suppose"
"Well. as you are going that way" said the
old lady, Il wish you would just let down
the bars
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

4 wild.eycd man, carrying his hat in his
hand, entered the depot yesterday and called
out to a man who was wheeling baggage
truck along: where's the train:' What
train?' ANY uain--any train! My wife
isn't ten rods behind, and she's got an AK
handle over her sloulder and sulphur in her
eycSM
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

It's great comfort to bald-headed men in
these reG,hot ster-spenyled banner, centen.
NAL days, to reflect that the eagle, 100, is bald
headed Style Is aohsir.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

Troy has invented new ou. door game.
Ii Is a cross between base ball and croquet,
and you have chance 20 put your arm
around g girl.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

small boy in Portland 10 gentleman una.
ble 10 stand aione-"Will you let me call you
a hack, slrg' Happy man-"Ca' me VIVA
ver like Don't care a lap VIII yer ca mer
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

An old gentleman of great experience says
he is never satisfied that lady understands
kiss until he has it from her own mouth.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

Bashfulness Is often like the plating or
spoons-wken il wears off i, shows the brass
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

II is one OF the curlositIes Of natural his
tory that horse enjoys his food most wher
he hasn'ta bit IN his mouth.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
TIE TINES IULY N sAI-:

'sThe author @: y suIrr u N,rvay hss 4ce6Ts ?..hr
What h5t leg abe professional w'e are capable u IN -er
lie circumsasces He Las 20 tie pulc volume oi
travels v toh viii hold its vih aly Of Ike sind me
.tvle In which 10 Wt-tu is concise cr-e aId ci5e'
TIE Information Is solid aIl Interesting, ai ven % Zell
hunOr peryaies every page Ilruushogt " s tnfDty y
srrinEed with harmless, amusing ilc.leEts' delca'y
told"
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

\ rare fower-the pink OF politeness.
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24
, ARMSTRONG & CO., CHICAGO,


. CIs, TaIlow an: the CELEBEATED COLDEShTiR d,
" HIgHINE DIL Th. brand We established l7 years -
ago and rs reputation ha increased yearly min sales
far sgrpass any brand Of machine OH Test h OF s
. equal Il not superior 10 extra lard OIL aud costs nut
% LITTLE MORE THAN HALF. It's arcl gold col o
O or. sands go degrees cold aud 20 degrees more q
heat than lard OH. and gallon vii. wear s91l u
0gs amt OUehUV qY'iDHg NJ LuFd Oa. We have nun
o dFets Of testimonials from ellrgest NAnuiac 'f'b
% Elevators. and Machine shops West. llnl'--ngs -
sGG333-S.G..G-GSSG.G.2S-S-2-2G2-z,S-Sr
The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-24

GOLD PENS.-Fa-childs celebrated Gold Pens
" ire Ses, made. tor sale by osmGh Haaenaa.
DOCk E.-r BooKS.-Tae 1rest Engish, Ger
NAL A-1 oSNAN s HAPENAN's.
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
NO. 80

touching her lovely eyes with his magic
wand, as if her soul were pure and free
from taint, and upon it did not rest the
sin attempting poor mortal beyond his
strength. How | wished that then she
could be permitted to read the impress
that trouble had made upon my heart, to
know that she had been the canse of it
all
was not myself at the store. My pro-
verbal mrthfulness had disappeared,
and gloom displaced from my features
their wonted smile. My employers and
fellow clerks did not understand the
change. kept my own secret, and none
of them were any the wiser. After few
days, however commenced to resume
nay wontcd cliecrfulncss. 1t was only
when ] was with Ada that was able to
dispossess my mind entirely of unpeas
ant recelIections She was my cnemy,
but, loved her with all the mad intensity
that cllyaeterizcs the young man OF
twenty-tso. TO he in her presence. To
listen to the musical cadences OF her
voice, to watch the coming, going ofthe
lovely tint upon her cheek, aud to look
down into the glistening mirror of her
lovely eyes, was to dwell in paradisical
enhancement. She was the girl. In my
mind there was NO other, nor could there
be- | was blinded by her beauty, and
that concealed from my view all the de-
fects of her character. | was not willing
to admit the belief to my heart--though
many of my friends had warned me--that
she was an unparalleled flrt, Of naughty
and imperious disposition, and would
never allow IN opportunity to humiliate
a suitor, 10 pass unimprosed was her
very slave, she owned me, and was will
ing to humnr aud encourage me that she
might enjoy a more complete triumph.
To receive all my attention was the
ambition of her heart To accomplish
this, she allowed me many little liberties,
like kissing her hand, and sitting near
her Night after nigh. would sit BY
her side, and pour into her ear those airy
nothings with which love sick youth del
uge their swect~hearts, and to which all
girls love to listen. In answer to my at
fcctionate love breathings, her face would
glow with smiles, and her eyes sparkle,
as if reciprocating my sentiments.
TO be continued.l
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
ynAr Is UNrrARIANisM ?-Rev. DR..

WHAT Is UNIrARIANisM Rev. DR.,
Bellows says:
1t is difficult to define Uniarianism, be-
cause development and growth are its
peculiarites The believers in it do not
hold any creed, as they do not grow, but
are made Neither do we worship the
Bible, although we recognize il as the
greatest of books and sacred literary
treasure. 1t was written by unknown
writers, some of it showing inspiration.
We accept nothing resting upon mystery
aud hold ourselves free in conscience and
intellect in It's interpretation. We neither
make Christ the beginning, end or middle
of our belief, as we prefer God, as did
Christ himself, who served Him. We can
not believe in any such transformation as
that Of Supreme God and Infinite Spir-
il into the flesh and blood OF a man. We
cannot believe the Bible story OF Adam
and Eve. aud no not think that they had
reached a point OF development from
which the fall could have been Of great
moment We do not accept this as a state
Of probation and heaven as a place Of
settlement, but believe the relations ofthe
paesent to the future life to be the same
as those Of any present to any feture.
God is not to us being seated upon =
throne. with Christ at His side, and
third spirit with them, for, to our belief,
God is everywhere, and tue only throne
he has, in heaven or earth, is the hearts
Of his spiritual offspring. We further
believe that there is no difference between
piety, as understood in the forms OF ho-
lincss, or understood in the form Of the
practice Of duty. Piety is morality to-
wards God morality is pisty toward
man. The Koran is not morality. and
lip service is not piety. Doing Gods
work everywhere; helping and loving
his creatures, doing justice and goodness.
is pety, and il Unitarians follow such a
life, they are to be judged by their ac
tions, for by their fruits sc shall know
them
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19

MARSHAL or THE REPUBLIC Among
those who attended ball given at the
Hotel de Vile, Paris, when John I. Ma
son was our minister there, was Jack
Spicer. of Kentucky. Jack rushed the
dress somewhat strong. aud sperted n
pair of epaulettes on his shoulders largo
enough tn start four major-generals in
business. Jack was the observed OF all
observers, and got mixed up with party
that his friends could not account for
Wherever the marshals of France went,
there went Jack, and when the marshals
sat down, Jack did the same, always ia
king the post of honor The day after
the ball Jack called upon our minister to
France, who started up conversation In
the following way:
81 hear, Jack, you were at the ball.
last evening
"Iwas, sir, and had high old TINA"
For which YOU were indebted, sup
pose, to the high old company you got
mixed up with BY the way. how came
YOU associated with the Marshals y
"Hsw? BY virtue of my office They
were Marshals Of France. while | am
nothing else than Marshal of the Re-
public. showed my position, and took
post accordingly"
"By right of your office! What do
you meanf"
Read and see.
"IIere Jack presented Mr., Mason with
whitey,b brown paper, with seal Bug
enough for 4.pound weight =.
"What in the name ofheavcn Is TINS z
"Mv commission of Marshall ! 70
cciyed in 1850, when assisted in taking
the census in Frankfort"
IL don't mean anything else. That
makes me Marshal Of the Republic,
and intend to have the Office duly hon
ored.'
MFR Mason allowed that Jack was DO.
ing very large buaincss ON very sma'
capital. - Cmcinao6 Star
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
Manhood =; How Lost, How Re-
stored

Jrsr published, u new edition Of DR.. CULyrRwEEt
- CtLrBRArpb Essay ON the radical cure with on
medicino) of SpcrmatorrhGa or Seminal Weakness,
involuntary seminal losses, Impotcncy. mental ana
physical Incapacity mpcdmcnts to marriegc etc;
also, Consumption. Epilepsy and flts' induced py
sclf-indulgcnce or sexual oxtravngancc,
me- Price in sealed envelope only cents.
The celebrated author In this admirable essay
clearly demonstrates from n thirty years successful
practice that the alarming consequences of seliabast
may be radically cured without the dangerous use OF
informal medicine or the application OF the knife
pointing out mode Of cure ut once simple. certain
and eHcctual, by means of which every sufferer, nc
mpttcr what his condition may be, may cure himself
cheapley, privately, radically,
rs- This lecture should be In the hands of ever,
youth and every man In the land.
Sent under seal In q plain envelope, to any nd
dress post paid, Ion receipt Of cents, or two post
stamps.
Address tho publishers.
CHARLES j. G. KLINE e. Co.
na7,' le;'Bovcry, NY, p . Box Bs
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
POET RY.
The Songs We Sing.
BY MELESNIA A. caro-.

BY MELEsSIA A. caro-.
wonder ifthe songs they sing in the bright world
Of bliss,
Are like the songs our hearts do sometimes sing in
this.
know sometimes. our hearts are sad-tears mingle
with the strain,
But sometimes our hearts are glad even in this
world of pain,
And then we sing song of love of Gods redeeming
grace,
Ois it like the songs above. where they see Him
face to face?
And when we reach that bliss,al land, and all our
tolls are DER,
The songs that eheered our spirits here-shall we
sing them there no more?
Or shall a sweeter, hoier theme our ransomod pow
employ,
Sung by the thrOng of the redssmed' amid those
bowers of JOY
o happy we. if mid the scenes s life while here we
roam,
Car catch some echo of the songs wen sing, when
get home.
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
$500 REWARD.
Proclamation by the Governor.

"THEREAS, IT HAS COME TO MY
" knowledge that Edward Wheeler and
V V. Smith have been charged with con-
spracy to seize andusurp the state govern
ment of Arkansas; and writs have been is
sued for their arrest and placed in the hands
of the sheriff OF Pulaski county, but said par
ties cannot be found, and they are secreting
themselves SO they cannot be arrested.
Now therefore. |, A IL. Garland. governor
of the state of Arkansas, by virtue of the
authority vested in me by the constitution
and laws of the state do hereby offer Il re-
ward of ONE THOUSAN DDOLIARS, for
the arrest and delivery of said Smith to the
sheriff of Pulaski county and the sum OF
FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS for the arrest
and delivery of said Wheeler to said sheriff
In testimony whereof, | have hereunto set
my hand and caused the seal OF
H. 8 the state to be affixed at Little
Rock. this 23d day of November,
A. d. 1874.
A. Ii. GARLAND, Governor.
BY the Governor:
B. u. BEAVERS, Secretary of State.
The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
5000 REV ARD.
Proclamation by the Governor

WHEREAS it has come to the knowledge
w of the Executive. that during the month
of October, 1874 two men incarcerated Tor
murder. did break Jail at Osccola. Mississippi
county. Ark, respectively named steve shct-
stone and John c. Fair.
Now therefore, !, A. II. Garland, governor
of Arkansas. by virtue of the authority vest
ed in me by the constitution and laws OF the
state. do hereby offer "A reward OF
TWO HUNDRED DOLLARS,
IS OO) each for the arrest and delivery OF tne
said steve Shetstone and John {. Far To lhe
sheriff of Mississippi county.
In testimony whereof, | have hereuhlo SET
my hand. and caused the seal OF tne
IT, Al state to be affixed. Done at Little
Rcck this, the 18th day of Novem-
Der, 1874.
4. II. GARLAND, Governor
By the Governor:
Is. & BEAVERS, Secretary OF State
DESCRIPTION.
Steve Shetstone j. about iiye feet eight. lnfli-
es high, square built, sandy half anu Nhi>hci'
rather curly. eyes blue. quick spoken,
John G. Fair is about five feet ten or eleV,
en- inches high, hair and whi'kers rather req
but had very short whiskerS when he escaped
ewes blue and rather large, talkative.