Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-02-10
HUMOROUS.

: | where II recently occurred
An exhibition was given here some
two months since by Tom Thumb, at
which the prices we're twenty-five cents
for those over ten years Of age and
! twelve and half cents for those under.
It was Johnny's tenth birthday, and
his cousin May, aged thirteen, thought
it to be her duty to celebrate it by
J taking him in the afternoon to see the
|, dwarf. Arriving at the door, she put
down thirty eight cents, and asked for
! two tickets.
! "How old is the boy ?" asked the
ticket-seller.
"well," replied Miss May, "this is
. his tenth birthday; but he tOas NOT
= born until late in the afternoon.
The vendor Of tickets accepted the
? accuracy of the averment, and handed
her the proper certificates for sdmis-
!, sion. But it was q close ft.-Harper 8
Magazine for february.
! Cur Hrs HAIR.-In the barber shop
! of the Metropolitan Hotel, in Louis
: : vile, . tall, rough-looking man was
: leaning against the wall. A dandy came
!; in, took off his hat and coat, and coolly
: handed them to the stranger, whom he
. . mistook for the barber. When the
: dandy said Trim my hair, he pointed
= to q chair and when he felt the hair
being cropped close to the scalp, he
leaped from the chair and ran to the
3 mirror. "What have you done ?" he
shouted. "Well, replied the stranger,
"you said cut it, and 1 wasn't going to
: refuse little favor like that, nor make
: half way job of it, neither"
!, "WALL, STRANGER" said q back
!, woodsman to q man whom the landlord
of the hotel both were stopping at had
detailed to sleep with him-"Wall
stranger, I've no objection to You sleep.
ing with me, none in the least but il
: : seems to me the bed is rather narrow
i ! for you to sleep comfortable consider
! ing how dream. You see am an old
!, trapper, and generally dream of shootin
!, and scalpin' Injuns. Where 1 stopped
9 night before last they charged me five
4 dollars extra, cause 1 happened to
whittle up the head in the night.
> But You can come, stranger if you like,
l feel kinder pesceable now"
8 An EDITOR relates how q colored bar.
i Der made q dead-head of him. He
: offered him the usual dime for shaving,
: when the fellow drew himself mp with
o considerable pomposity and said I: 81
: understand dat you is an editor.
7 "Well, what of it ?" says he. eve
4 neber charge editors muffin" "But,
d my worthy friend, We continued, "there
. are a good many editors travelling now
!. s-days, and such hberality on your part
4 would prove q ruinous business" "Oh!
never mind, remarked the barber, "we
make it up off the gemmen."
An EMINENT doctor of divinity, resid-
q ing not hundred miles from New York
' and famous for the originality of his
. phrsseology, was asleep the other eve
ming in his chamber, while his wife was
y mending rent in one of his garments.
= He awoke and asked the lady if she
r knew why she was like Satan. st do
I not. was her answer. "Do you give it
q up?" 81 do, certainly" Because, u
/ said the doctor, "while man slept the
? enemy sowed tares."
"No, MADAM" said an affable Chicago
E landlord, who was showing q possible
r tenant over his house on Robey street,
$ 81 cannot say that as yet the street is
q drained. But, then, do but reflect for
9 moment upon the advantages the
b situation offers. Your children can
: skate all day long on the cutters it's
8 as convenient as q skating rink, doesn't
q cost you q penny, and there they are
: under your eye all the time"
o A STUDENT was reprimanded by the
s Professor for his lateness at morning
5 prayers, and excused himself on the
b plea that the prayer took place too late
! "How." said the Professor, sis six
d O'Clock too late ?" "Yes, SIR" replied
g the student. "If you had them about
e four could attend, but no man could
Q be expected to stay up to SIX.
POETRY is spoiled by the addition of
Q a single word. A young lady, after
listening to her lovers description of
the setting sun, exclaimed, ooh, Al
t phonse Alphonse what a soul you
T have for art You we're meant for q
2 great painter |" Her father, unex-
!: lpectedly behind, added, land glazier. "
: A SURGEON who lodges over butcher
shop in Paris feels much aggrieved at
the announcement on the shop window
that "Killing takes place daily in this
y establishment" The doctor considers
that his professional skill is impugned
Il by the notice, and resents it sufficiently
; to 60 to law about it.
= Two YOUNG men out riding were pass
q ing q farm house where q farmer was
\ trying to harness an obstinate mule.
Wont he draw ?" said one of the men.
i "Of course." said the farmer. "be'l
. draw the attention Of every fool that
n passes this way" The young men
q drove on"
A SINGER, applying for an engagement
y wrote to an impressario as follows 81
am good musihan. l Ipla all music at
J furst SITE" "Well." remarked the i'm
pressario to friend, "she may play by
3 note, but she certainly spells by ear"
= WITH POKER R-"Did the defendant
q go at the plaintiffs seriatim 2" inquired
an attorney the other day, of q witness
in case of assault and battery.-"No;
he went at 'em with poker" was the
emphatic reply.
!. NOVEL MUsEUM.-A fashionable but
: ilIiterate lady, travelling on the Cont
a next, writes friend that she has seen
u the 'Museum of Iniquities" in Genoa,
: and she does think it perfectly splen-
did"
Or COURSE, q woman doesn't want her
, plants to freeze, but still one can't
{ blame a man for raising a row when he
hops out of bed in the morning, and
finds gersnium plant in each trousers
lleg.
In -aa s.da-l,nn Gao-non uhan a