The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-11-12
sparks.

wear IL.
sparks.
Whisky is like an internal furnace
and an internal turn-us.
Take care of the poor Indian and
he'll take hair of the white man.
Men who are used to going
IL pretty fast-The Locomotive En-
gineers."
Stanley says that African m"squi-
toes are as hig Keniucky "chaw"
of tobacco.
The fast train ieIcscoptd Il hog in
III iugc street. yesterday, and threw
Il squcal mile di-tan' -DAnbuFY
News.
a PENN y Ivnnia printer WHO H.
the father of twenty six children is
puzZling himself to account fnr the
hard times.
Bismarck's daughter Is thirty
eight, and he has succeeded i'm get
ting her married. bismarck ia a
great-a very great mRn.-Cincin-
natl Times.
An exchange says: "Barnum
pays his new baloonist 5000 per
Sday." And even with such a good
salary that man is liable to ego up"
-Danbury News.
"What does Good Friday mean 2"
asked one schoolboy of another.
"You had better go home and read
your 'Robinson Crusoe,'" was the
whitening reply
Oxford University has just issued
"the smallest Bible in the world"
Ono as small as three-cent piece
would be too cumbersom for some
men to carry around.
A Duluth assessor saysl IL pos
itively amazing how cheap property
becomes as he passes up or down n
street. Ii falls seven per cent.
whenever he enters a house.
In New York prayer-meetings
they pray for the editor of the Sun.
There's just where people get fool
ish In religion. They expect too
much of it.-Cincinnati Times.
The Locomotive Engineers pro-
vide n pension for the families of
deceased members. This is a case
of very creditable engIne'nuity.-
N. Y. Commercial Advertiser.
A Brooklyn girl is engaged to be
married to an Italian Count, and I'm
the course of four or five years she
may be looked for on the street
with a hand-Organ playing the usu-
nj tunes.
Florida papers report m almost
total failure of the sponge crop,
while Northern free-lunch saloon
clerks say that there are more
spOnges around this fall than they
ever saw before.
When citizen OF Rochester is
blown into the dreamy hereafter by
Kerosene lamp explosion The gas
company officials grimly remark ::
Comes o ishIing asin honest mo-
nopOly."
IL takes EN- half an hour To get
the big English cannon ready To
fire, and by that time fellow could
dodge, heel il around the corner,
and tuck himself away in dry
goods bOx.-Detroit Free Press.
al never sot my mind to writin'
poetry till two years ago." said Il
grocery chair; "but the minnie
took to goin' with that Johnston
girl, by gosh couldn't help it,"
n Detroilcr, who has taken a
great interest in the fate of DOnald-
son, thinks that baloonists should
have a telegraph attachment TO the
car, so that in case of any fatal acct
dent they could 1T once inform the
anxious public.
1t is said that the ghost of an En-
glish soldier rOams around Fort
Bull at night, looking for his scalp,
which he lost there l20 years ago.
He had much better come down
town and buy one. He can get a
nice banged front for eighty cents
Rome Sentinel.
a correspondent writes Ia know
why we do not publish more origi-
nal poems. The trouble is general
" that they are not long enough.
Most young writers contine them
selves 10 twenty or twenty-five
verses, and the sentiment has no
opportunity for expansiOn.-NOr-
witch Bulletin.
An Erie canal boat captain, who
had been reading of Moody and
Sankey, determined to live a better
life, aud calling his crew around
him he said: "See here, you " ing,
skulking, wicked, disgraceful set,
you've got to tend prayers every
morning or I'll lick The whole pile
of you in heap!"
a Frenchman Processes to have
discovered evidence proving that
America was first discovered by
the Chinese in the sixth century /;
hut unless man who was present
when the Chlnese landed here
comes forward and corrOborates the
statement, we shall continue 10 give
Mr.. Columbus the credit therefor.
brigham Young says that a wo
man who cant make dress out of
eleven yards of cloth will find
Heavens gate too narrow for her to
enter. However, Detroit women
will use from eighteen TO twenty
eight yards, aud run the risk of
squeezing through the gate or OF
iinding a ladder 10 <" over the
walls.
Look here, gentlemen. why this
howl against ladies' striped stock
Iugs? IL is Your solemn duty As a
respectable citizen to walk along
The street with your eyes nn n level
with second story windows, and it's
none OF your business what kind of
stockings are shown of the cross
walks. Anything is preferable to 3
barefooted woman.--Detroit Free
Press.