The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-11-12

Various RseIns.
BY aametropolitan circus clown
The melancholy days have come,
the sawdust of the year!
The State geologist of Indiana
has discovered gold in small quanti-
ties in the northern part of the
State.
Miss Dewitt, of Johnston, ILL.,,
was married on the 29th OF Sept,
and one hour afterward eIoped with
an old lover.
In South Boston a sign adorns
the front of tinsmith's store which
reads: Quart measures sold here
of all shapes and sizes"
The Richmond Enquirer aptly
suggests that not even one of Char
lev Ross roundabouts have been
discovered, let alone his wherea-
bouts. -
Twenty cigars a head is the num-
Der annually manufactured for every
man, woman and child in the Unit
ed States. Forty years ago two
was the allowance.
The great new educational insti-
tuition at Evansville, Ind, endowed
to the amount of half q million dol
lars by Willard Carpenter, is to be
called the Willard College.
VIM. Yately, an old man, died
recently at the Almshouse, in Tren-
ton, N. j., after refusing to eat any
thing for twenty-seven days. He
had subsisted entirely upon small
doses of whisky given to him peri
odically.
The notable man who has not.
this season, either delivered an adj
dress at an agricultural fair, or been
invited to deliver one, has sither
signally failed in his duty to his
country or has been previously
sighted.
"Have any of our ply sicians ever
seen or treated bald-headed con-
sumptive?" inquiries q New York
paper. Yes, that's the questions
consumption bald beaded? Hotel
and restaurant keepers are debarred
from answering.
One William Chesebrough made
a friendly visit to a relative in
Stonington, Conn, last week, and
after being entertained two days,
stole from the house a little child's
savings bank containing four OF
five dOlIars, and disappeared.
A boat containing a man and two
women capsized off River Point, r.
l., the other day, when a couple oil
| man xuhn GShfn., nnap lac
with great exertiOn got them ashore
The rescued man WA pr Oiu,e IN his
thanks, and invited his re-cuers
home, where, as Il reward tor their
services, he presented them with d
watermelon.
| A NorristoWn boy who absorbs a
great deal OF ten cent literature
can't see why the death of Hans
Christian Andersen, the Danish
story teller, should be so deeply
mourned by the youth of America
because" he says, che never writ
a story with an Injun fight in it.
nor a sea novel with q girls lover
killing five pirates" And that's So
A traveller, being at q coffee
house with some gentlemen, was
largely drawing on the credulity Of
the company. "Where did you say
all these wonders happened, sir p
asked gentleman present. 81 real.
ly can't exactly say" replied the
traveller, "but it was somewhere in
Europe-Russia, / think" 81
should rather think Italy" return
ed his opponent.
Jones had prepared himself for 6
home dinner to his liking. He sal
down in his dining-room at peace
will all the world and said, "Now
Hannah, bring the cold mutton. Nc
hot meat for ME this weather.
Hannah hesitated for minute anC
said, "But done give it away, sir.
"Give it away! Give my dinnei
away?" ayes, sir. You said i
any tramps called l was TO give
them the cold shoulder"
ave knows the public is dowI
as he dipped out the desired quart
from one of his big cans, "but thu
public is mistaken. In the fus
place we put in leetle water-only
n bit, to make up for shrinkage. l
goes to the big dealers, and they
amt bit keerful when they gifts i
TO pour in water. They sells it t
the grOcers, and they put in chall
with one hand and water with the
other, and they are thinking of pol
itics and get in too much. The ser
want gal goes after milk for tn
family, drinks a third of it, and sh
puts in water to make up the meas
ure and, you see, when the famil!
gets it the taste amt there, the lool
amt there, and they goes for u
poor old men who hasn't a dishon
est hair in our heads. That's tn
way, mister-gee up, there, HON
err !'-Detrpit Free Press.