River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-03-12
DUMPKIASOA.
BY JUDY.

My acquaintance with Dumpkinson was
made in this way:
Dumpkinson- goodness knows how
was member of the "Jollyboy," cele-
brated club for good cookery and good
wines. am fond of good feeding, and
wanted to get into the "Jollyboy."
Smith, friend of mine, and member
OF the "Jollyboy," would put me up
but | wanted "seconder." | did not
know where to find one.
At this crisis Dumpkinson, threw him.
self into the breach. did not know
Dumpkinson, except in the way of bust.
ness, bat l accepted his offer with rap.
ture.
Putting Dumpkinson to Smith as my
"seconder," Smith made face and said {:
"No, you don't"
said, Il did, though" Smith then
made another face and said: "Well, if
you tciH have him; only the chance is
that you will have 'Doleful Dumps as he
is called, for the rest Of your life after
this"
This, thought, was rather a strange
speech; however, ] thought no more of it,
and in due time became a full-hedged
'Jollyboy."
1t was only right then, of course, that
for Smith and Dumpkinson's kind efforts
should stand them q dinner at the
"Jollyboy."
Iwrote to Dumpkinson. He "would
be pleased to come" he wrote back
overleaf, however, was this astonishing
p. s.: If my poor inside permits"
did not think any more of this, but set
Dumpkinson down as wag. "All the
BETTER" | thought. He will tell us
some good stories at dinner"
then asked Smith. He also "would
be pleased" he said; when, though,
added casually, "and you will meet
Dumpkinson," Smith, oddly enough, rec
objected that he had previous engage
ment for that evening, and cut away as
if in mortal terror. did not think any
more Of Smiths behavior. but set him
down, also, as funny one.
The hour at last came for the dinner,
and with it the man--Dumpkinsou, in
fact.
had never met Dumpkinson before,
my business with him having been all
done by letter, and what at once struck
me about him was his appearance Of most
profound detection and en- air of settled
melancholy. In other respects Dump
kinson was very like other fellows.
81 am very glad to have the pleasure
Of making your acquaintance. / said.
He looked at me for some minutes in
melancholy surprise, as if The couldn't
help fancying) it was very long time
since any one had made that speech to
him. Then be put an hand like an UNI
cooked sole into mine, and made this re-
Irarkable speech:
"Were l to say il was pleasure to me,
sir, making your acquaintance, should
DE telling falsehood. have not known
what pleasure means for many a
weary year. My inside, sir-my inside
will not allow me to"
Then he laid his hand on the third but
ton OF his waistcoat tenderly and sighed
deeply.
"Dear me-" l said, alphabetically,
''you don't look at all we'll you want
your dinner. Let's begin"
"Dinner, sir dinner = groaned Dump
kinson. THAT is thing, sir, my inside
never allows. But I'll sit down with
you"
So we sat down TO what had fondly
looked forward to enjoying an uncom.
lnonly nice little dinner.
Screen pea, sir, or clear turtle 7" said
the brisk waiter to Dumpkinson.
He gazed at the man reproachfully.
do look" he asked plsintively, "as II
had an inside which could absorb the
noxious acid Of a vegetable soup! Charles.
lin surprised at you! Give me one
sspoonful Of turtle"
Twill you take sherry or Madeira with
your soup" | inquired.
lie looked at me in horror. "Ah, my
good sir" he said, "you are very new
member Of the 'Jolly.boy' or you would
know that sherry and Madeira here are
both plastered. My inside, sir, is too del
icate in its coating for plaster Of that de.
scription. Why, sir; do you know ]
have one Of another sort, mustard and
linseed in equal parts, on the outside Of
my inside at this very minute y
"You don't say sop ! said. hiding my
emotion at this in bumper or the "Jol.
ly.boy" sherry, which was not half bad
wine.
lie shook his head sadly, ant putting
his uncOoksd sole Il mean his hAnd) into