The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-03-13
HOME WHISKY.

5 short time ago man entered CinciH
matt saloon and asked for glass of whisky
some Of the home kind The barkeepe
looked at him a moment and then said
when did you get out ~ cont of where ::
askedthe customer. a trhe indignant. ''Why
out er your head, Of course, was the reply
Nobody ever axis for home whisky without
they re either lunatics or strangers in the
CITY, The customer claimed to be a stranger
and asked once more for his drink, when the
following dialogue took place:
Barkeeper How much do you want
Customer ''Oh about two fingers :" Bar
keeper Two fingers, eli. Yes. less.
Two fingers. Never been here before. and
want two fingers! Well (musinglyl, lets see.
.tre you married. Customer Indignantly -
.'No, sir. Are you going to get my drink"
Barkeepfr -'.Got any relations who care
much about you" Customer IF it's any
satisfaction to you, sir, I'll say no, and give
you notice that | want. that whisky at once. Z"
| Barkeeper-" Well, you have no friends
here who'd make any fuss about it, eh? Be
long to no society or anything like that to
| cause q teller trouble Feel all right in YOUR
mind, and know its best to 20 now, do Won"
At this time the the customer became furions
and made a final demand .or the liquor which
caused the har-keeper 70 speak again, as fol-
lows: Well | 'spose goa know + YOU
taAe my ADVICE, however, you'll take some
thing mild, 70 take the taste out Of your
mouth and make il easier trayein for YOU.
We keep ali sorts OF antdotes, such as
arsenic, slrychninc, and prussic acid. We
had some sugar of lead but | sold the last of
that last night, to man who had Just got
news that his wltes mother was coming to see
him. 80 you've got your choice Of three,
You'd better take little sup Of arsenic be-
fore you swallow the whisky, and I'll get
you nice little mixture OF strychnine and
prussic acid to follow afterwards Is
there any little message you'd like to write,
hrst The customer could only gasp
out why, what do you mean, you scoun- |
drel: DO you want to poison he with your
'Ahe barkeeper was in turn astonisheG, and |
broke forth with "Well, that's what a feiler
gets tor wantln' to do another good turn.
Here's you wantin two fingers of home
whisky, and when | wants TO make it 90 easy
with you by giving you a little mild stuff,
why you get cranky. Don't YOU
know what Clncinn"ti whisky is Don't
You know that al alderman even can't drink
one finger Of it without benz laid ID q
month: Don't.you know that if an elephant
was to be given two myers Of it he'd want to
lance McGillicud ly's iig or a tiaht rope
he next minute Don't yon know that we
never trust anybody with it 'cept book
and policemen, and them we
want to kill? Why, We ct some of that
tutf III an iron keg buried il the cellar.
he other night there was preaching in
he ! Dung Men Christian Association rooms,
block away from here, and the smell of that
whisky down there IN that cellar lust made
at that meeting as drunk as billed
wis, and then they tried to make out it was
he preacher, cause he had an empty bottle
Re used for medicine under his coat These ,
evelatons proved too much for the customer /,
nd he Immediately compromised by drinking
glass of beer Erchunge. ,