, 1875-10-02
rne women and Children.

4 mourning widower declared that
nothing brings him such affecting
memories of his dear, dead wife as TO
stumble over 8 tiat-iron.
Itmust make woman feel mean
to take poison, write two or three fare
well letters, upbraid her husband, and
then be saved by stomach pump.
Child-"I couldn't live if | should
have the fever" Mother-Why so ?"
Child" Because I'm so little there
wouldn't be room for the fever to
turn"
If you want fun" remarked old
Smilax, leaning over the gate and
working the gravel with his bare toes,
d." you oughter see my wife dig taters
when she's tearin' mad"
Good conundrum for young ladies
to practice on When will the alpha
bet have only twenty-five letters? ?
When you and l are made one.
An engaged" young man, whose
girl makes him 90 home four hours
before daylight, wishes the nights
were three mouths long, as they are
in Norway.
Wyoming husband has given his
full consent for his wife to run for
office, but he didn't give it until after
conflict which broke every dish in
the house.
a never sot my hand to writin'
poetry till two years ago" said young
ruralist, fitting back ID a grocery chair
8 but the minute | took to goin' with
that Johnson girl, by gosh! couldn't
help it.
YOU'RE always off at night, " LIE
ander," said Mrs. SpiIkins, reproach-
fully, the other evening. " Yes, my
dear replied Spiikins. d" You'll re-
member even when | first proposed,
you considered me a pretty good off
er"
1t is indeed affecting to see a pale,
poetic looking young man arise from
a table where he has been inditing
some verses To a False ODe,' and
clasping his band over his liver com
plain of the heart-ache.
A friend of ours has a little niece
whose mother, thinking it time for her
to put away her childish things, in
formed her that Santa Claus was
10 person at all there was no such
person. WhereupoD the child solemnly
asked Mamma, have you been tell
ing me lies about Jesus Christ, too !"
He had a very promising boil
between the shoulder blades, and his
wife, who was Young and beautiful,
and could play on the harp, but hadn't
nursed much in the hospitals, put
mustard plaster on it. a lawyer sub
sequently explained 10 him that they
didn't grant divorces tor such causes
in this State.
a little Bangor girl, after returning
from church, Sunday, was found at the
wash bowl sprinkling her doll's head.
She excused herself to her mamma by
saying that the minister told them
that al children who would 90 to
heaven should be baptized, and she
wasn't going to risk Sissy any longer.
Child Mamma, are you going to
heaven ? Mamma Yes, | hope 10,
dear Child And Jane B." Mamma,
- | hope so. She is a good woman
and all good women go to heaven.
Child Then, please, may | 90 10 the
dogs with papa? lie says he is going
there, and it will be 50 much nicer
y St. Paul mother recently took
her fifteen year-old daughter to party
as special favor-not that she in.
tended that the child should come
out , for some time yet. That parent
was rather astoniShed to find that the
little girl , knew nearly every society
man about town, understood the figures
OF the German and could talk like
magpie.
She said she didn't used TO believe
in second marriages, but two or three
years of widow hood had convinced
her that she could tr0t over life's race
course best in double harness. An ex-
preston Of surprise and incredulity
stole over the face Of her companion,
and so she added, by way of explana-
ton, Well you see, was allus the
head boss In the team
y Philadelphia milliner apprentice
went to visit her mother in the country
last Sunday, and when that worthy
matron beheld her child, she exclaim-
ed, Isabel Maria Stephens, what on
airth do you mean comm out in the
broad day light with your gown all
kaiummuxed up in a heap behind ye
and all bound up in that way in front
of We? And hain't ye got no stockings
all one color, that ye haf to wear them
zebra colored things? Thought We
was goin' to be a miIliner. Sh'd think
ye'd married barber, and was playin'
up signboard for him. Did l ever
think one Of my girls would come to
thisp
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