, 1875-07-04
BREViTIES.

Why are and like good people7 Because
they meet In heaven.
II Declare" said Susan, as she watched tbs
peopla coming into church. that man looks
like q piece Of dried beef" s'Huan" said her
sister, "it isn't meet in you to talk so."
Ata certain Protestant Episcopal church in
IN inefficient choir by responding during the
htany "LoEd, have mercy On our miserable
singers"
clerical er1or-Mrs. MalAprop presents her
ompiiments to Ar- Punch, and beEs to be in
formed whether tho children OF poor curates
may properly be classed among the eu1plce
population.
A Kansas woman offers to bet $50 that her
husband can "cuss q bushel Of graEshoppers
entirely out of the country while the people OF
Missouri arc fasting and praying pint out Of
10-acte wheat field.
Affable but dignihed Bishop to small daughter
OF the Vicar lily dear, have yon ever seen q
real live Bishop befote?" Small daughter
"oh, res, good deal more; I've seen an arch,
biahop!" Sudden collapse OF the affab1e and
diguihod one)-
You may talk Of your ragged edge Of despair
and all that til! doomsday, but what ia It oom-
pared to the feelings Of the vestryman who,
after relieving himself OF the torture Of neW
boot by slipping it of during the services finds
himself Unexpectedly called on to go around
with the plate
Said demure-looking stranger With PRAYER
book under his arm to an old resident Of San
Antonio, lex sWnere cau find the Methodist
rlaoe Of worehip?" latter you pass the sew
enth baE-room on this side Of the street, strike
across and take up Soledad street, and you will
find it 100 yards beyond the last beer saloon on
thc ne street, nearly opposite ten-pln alley"
y - reply.
-ed7r Falls sunday-school man was latcly
~. King an eloquent speech before Sunday
School Convention in Waterloo. Referring to
bovs who didn't spend taeir Sabbaths in this
| useful fashion. be said "Whele do wa lind
tbsse very boya on the holy Sabbath day Why.
down by the Cedar River catching frogs. Now,
friends. We must turn right in and help them. II
| The funny part Of the audience thought he
meant help catch frogs, and their snekering
| brought the eloquent speech to lame and I'M
| potent conclusion.-keokuk (la) Gdte City.
When it was not As popular as now to have
| colozed people iu the churches colored woman
presented herself for admission to DR.. Baldwln'e
church, Boston. An influential member was
greatly opposed to admitting her. lis not the
sisters experience q good one?" asked the
bland pastor. It 10 we'll enough" Do you
not think ehe is CHRISTIAN ?" perhaps 80. '
"lf she IL 4 Christian, will sho not 60 to
Heaven 7" The man intimhted that he did not
know ns he would care to go to Heaven if it was
| full OF negroes. Up to this tins the candidate
| had not spoken, She modestly said: .sWell
brudder, you go to He'll, you fnd dem dar too. >
A certain minister, having become much ad.
dicted to lrink, his Presbytery had to iuterfera
and get the minister to sigu the pledge. This
| the minister did, aud promised that he would
| never again take drink under any pretense what
ever The minister certainly kept his word
but the result was, that the sudden reaction
proved too much for him. aud he took 80 Ill thai
the doctor had TO be sent for. The doctor knew
the habita OF the man well, aud informed the
minister that he must just begin and take his
toddy again. This the minister said he could
not do, as he had taken the pledge in presence
OF the Presbytery. The doctor replied that be
might get hottle or two quietly, and that
nobody but himself 0he minister) and the
hoasekeeper would know anYthiug about it.
''Man," says the minister, ''my housekeeper is
worse than ali the Presbytery put together, 80
that would not do" However, it Was arranged
that the doctor was to bring 10 the whisky and
sugar, aud that the minister was to make up the
toddy in the bedroom with the hot water that be
always got for shaving purposes in the morning,
The result Was, the minister got speedily well,
and ope day, on going out. the doctor said to tha
minister's housekeeper. "Wen4 Margaret, your
minister Ia quite himself again." There's mas
doot aboot that, SIR ehe replied. ''hes qu,ta
Heel in body; but there's something game far
wrang wi his upper story whats wrong
there, Margaret:" asked the doctor. "Weel,
! sir, dnna ken. but he asks for ehAyin' Fster
| ei1 or seven times i the day"