, 1875-10-03
RELIGIOUS HUMOR.

Mrs. Peggarty says that her husbands behay-
ivr is enough TO irr1gAte an augal.
"Re strained ut gnat and swallowed Gallo
NAL" Was little Johuny's version OF the text
yesterday.
Three highway robbers attacked Tennessee
clergyman, and he prayed. "'Oh, Lord, help me
to put in big icks!" and he cleaned the THO
out.
QUITE RIGHT, Too.-Young Lady" Well
now, what did the Israelites do after they
crosaed the Rcd Sea- 2" Sharp Girl (eagerly)-
"Please, sheY put on their dry things"
An Arab chief at the Maraailles opera especial
" admired the trombone player, expressing his
wonder ''to sea that Christian swallow 80 much
brass, I cannot yet comprehend where he puts
It,"
4 prominent Detroit Unirersalist some months
neo married red-headed widow with four chill
dTen. and last week Re remarked to friend, =
was blind when bel1e7ed there vas no he'll. I
sde now"
Tho Taunton Gazette makes this record - It
Was good and prayerful cd lady Of this city
Who said that she had stopped PRAYING for hoE
husband sbecauss have prayed go long without
effect that think the Lord hns Just as pooS an
opinion Of that man as have"
william, HRS. Holcomb feels pretty badly
drop over there and see her. You might say thst
ali flesh is grass; that we've ali got to go the
same way and see it she is going to use her
dripping pan this afternoon"
4 cat .as discovered in New Haven church
last Sunday during seEvice. walking up and down
the aiseB. and occasionally pa"s-ine to listen to
tha discourse, Hithuut any apparent concern.
Whether she went there to prey, OF to lestn tho
cat-echisu. or because she was fond Of the new
sic, we are unable to say Most likely it vas for
one Of these pur1-pusses
Last Sunday the usher Of one Of the Detroit
churches was greatly surprised ut the appearance
Of an old acquaintance whose RED nose ana
bIear7 eyes hAd not been seen in church before
for fifteen years. why, I'm awful glad to SEQ
you." said the usher, "a he leld out lis hand
They ehook and the usher continued 30 you
thought you'd come tochurch :" Yes, thought
so," replied the man as be looked around n1ts
mighty lonesome now since they've closed tho
saloons On Sunday"
"Yes," said Brother Wiley. ''when went In
to tbs ministry forty-fve years ago it Was COM
mon custom With rs each Sunday to drag ont the
enacigted body Of Lszafus. and show the con-
eregat1on the beautiful reward Of poverty and
suffering. ard how easier it Was Tor camel to
pass through the eye OF needle than for q rich
man to enter tho Kingdom Of Heaven. But the
congregations have grown rich, and NOM the min
istars have concluded that LAZARUS Is 50 nicely
fixed away In the bosom Of Abraham that they
won't dtHtur0 tue poor OiQ 1euo". LAnt WHY
you don't hear from him nowadaya and the
camel and needle story isn't mentioned, and the
old man walked away, uighing that tho good old
rulo OF 8. the Lord keep you humble and well
keep YOU poor Is not applied to the reverend
gentlemen Who spend the heated sessions At the
fashIonsb]e resorts OF the country.-lntfidHapo
lis Sentinel
A meek-looking co]porteur espying him,
vended his way toward him, saying: HERE'S a
brand will snatch from the burning: Here's a
fellow-being from whose wheat will remove
the tsres feeling in his pocket for q tract on
the Nervousness Of wearing velvet collars. - Hy
friend" said he to the countzyman, !" have
something hare wlsk to call your attention to. >
In an instant the Dtcoiic eyes shot fame thas
boded excitement Of an unraual character-
lyon have, eh," interrogated their owner,
knockiug-in ring parlance-the two eyes Of the
neek stranger into one with powerful blow.
| You've got freight bill for me TO pay, have
YOU? You know my folks, too, don't you r. he
Continued, showing blows an the unresistlns
proaelYter. "Yon've slept with my uncle Bill
! pulled candy with my aunt Bese, and got VAC
cinsted with my grandmother, haven't You
No old hoas" said he. giving the man OF tracts
= weary left-hander under the belt, II dom
pay my own freight bills, and amt goin' =
pay any Tor fellow With worsted gloves. In
didndpolts Herald.