Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-05-21
A MODEL HOTEL.
The sUITEM HoUsE-sTR1vr AND SWEET
PROPRIETORs.
ADV ERTISINli RATES

PROPRIETORs.
lSaponaceous Springs, n vi
Inc boston Bulletin says that this
hotel has been built and arranged for the
special comfort and convenience of sum-
mer ooarders. On arrival each guest will
DO asked how he likes the situation, and if
ne says the hotel ought to have been placed
larther up upon the knoll or farther down
towards the village, the location of the
mouse VIII be Immediately changed. Cor
nef 'front.' rooms up only one flight for
every guest.
Baths, gas, water-closet, hot and cold
water, laundry, telegraph, restaurant, fire.
alarm, bar-room, billiard table, daily pa
pers, coupe, sewing machines, grand piano,
a clergyman, and all other modern conye.
nlences in every room. Meals every mi
mute IT desired, and consequently no Sec
ond table. English, French, and German
dictionaries furnished each guest to make
up such a oil Of fare as he may desire.
without regard to the bill affair afterward
at the office. Walters of any nationality
| and color desired. Every waiter furnished
with l1bretto, button-hole bouquet, full
dress suits, ball tablets, and his hair part
ed IN the middle. Every guest will have
the best seat in the dining hall and the
best waiter in the house.
ANY guest not getting his breakfast red
hot, or experiencing delay of sixteen Sec
onds after giving the order for dinner,
VIII please mention the fact at the Office.
and the cook and walters will be blown
from the mouths of cannon in front of the
hotel at once. Children will be welcomed
With delight, and requested to bring hoop
sticks and hawkeys to bang the carved
rosewood furniture especially provided for
the purpose, and peg tops to spin on the
velvet carpets; they will be allowed to
oang on the pianos at all hours. yell in the
halls, slide down the bannisters, fall down
STAIRS, carry away dessert enough for a
small FAMILY IN their pockets at d..,uer.
and make themselves as disagreeable as
the fondest mother can desire.
Washing allowed in rooms. tile ladies
giving an order to 'put me on fiat-iron.' y
IL VIII be put on at any hour of the day OF
night. A discreet waiter who laiungs to
the Masons, Odd Fellows, Kn.si4>.s of Py-
thlas, and one who was never known TO
tell even the time of day, has been en-
ployed to carry milk punch and hot tod.
dies to ladies' rooms in the evening
Every lady will be considered the belle
OF the house, and row boys VIII answer the
Deile promptly. Should any row bow fail
TO appear at guests door with pitcher
OF Ice water, more towels, gin cocktail.
ana pen and ink, and paper, before the
guests hand has left the bell knob. he will
be branded 'FRONT.' on the forehead aud
imprisoned for life.
Inc Office clerk has been carefully 40.
lected to please everybody, and can lead in
prayer, play draw poker, match worsted at
the village store, shake for the drinks at
any hour, day or night, play billiards. a
good Walter, and can dance the German
make fourth at euchre, amuse children.
repeat the Beecher trial from memory. is a
gooo judge OF horses, as railway and
steamboat reference is far superior to Ap-
pleton's or anybody else's guide. will f1irt,
With any young lady and not mind beino
cut dead when ''Pa comes down - DON'T
nina being damned any more than the
connecticut river. Can room forty peonla
IN the best room in the house when tbe
hotel is full, attend to the annunciator
ana answer questions in Greek, Hebrew
Choctaw, Irish, or any other polite Ian.
guage at the same moment, without turn-
ing a hair. IT,. b b..
Dogs allowed in any room in the house.
including the whine room. Gentlemen
can drink, smoke, swear, chew, gamble,
tell shady stories. stare at the new arriv.
ais, and indulge in any other innocent
amusements common to watering places
III any part of the hotel. The landlord is
always happy to hear that some other no.
tel IS 1.-THE best hotel in the country,
Special attention given to parties who can
give information as to show those THINGS
are done in Yewrup.''
The proprietor will take it as personal
atfront if any guest on leaving the hotel
should fail to dispute his bill, tell him thai
ne was a swindler, his house a barn. his
table Wretched, his wines vile. and that
ne, the guest, twas never so imposed IN
IN his life, will never stop there again. and
means TO WARN his Friends