The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-05-01
VARIETY.

When female child is born in Wisconsin, the
unhappy father begins to save money to buy a
piano.
Your died rather suddenly yesterday Of
throat disease" /" il what an Idaho Sheriff wrote
to a fond mother in Indiana the other day.
Colonel FOruey appears in the personals of the
Italian papers as CaPitano Giovanni FOrnez, and
he is in danger Of being mistaken for a bandit
A man in Terre Haute ate a quart of sawdust
ON a wager. He will probably have a pain in his
lumbar region If he sticks TO such board that.
q The Danbury man tells Of dog that howled
halF an hour for death in front OF an Elm-street
house before he discovered that il was a vacant
tenement
Listening to a long and tiresome discussion in
the school board the other evening, Jones said 30
much talk made him feel as If he was one OF the
bored himself.
An inebriats man walking along the street, re-
garded the moon with sovereign contempt: /" You
needn't feel so proud - he said, ''you are full
only once month, and am every night"
Cremation-A. ID. 1900. Scene in a cremation
undertakers shop. Small boy: 81 say, sir, is
dad done yet II he is, please put his ashes in
this ere tin kettle"
A man was seen at the corner last evening to
drop nickel into the letter-bo1 the lamp post,
get 'ome; y'ole cars goin' too slow
It is pleasant to note the progress of refined in-
huences and the broadening Of social culture
Over the toilet appliances IN North-end WASH
room in Boston Is a sign bearing the words,
Don't wipe your nose on the towel"
Said the plaintiff in a divorce case at Augusta
10 Chief Justice Appleton - don't want TO
say anything agin the woman, Judge, but l wish
you could live with her n little while; you'd
think had told the truth" The Judge was
willing to. take his word for IL.
That Detroit Judge propounded awful
couundrum the other day. He said: III Chris
topher Columbus had got drunk on the morning
he was to sail for America, and been led to the
station where would America have been to-day?
We wouldn't have had any Fall elections,
there would have been something gained.
Somebody who claims to have spent much time
in experimenting upon the influence Of fattery,
says in his report: You can induce an old
maid 20 give you the last pin in her dress by
przisnZ the color Of her hair, dropping casual
remark about the heavenly eeruleanity Of her
magnetic orbs."
The fashion editor of a New York paper offers
the following advice: - Ladies' who wear bustles
should fAsten the thing down, and not meander
the streets with huge bundle bobbing up and
down, and wriggling from side to side behind
IL looks ridiculous, and besides, with many
walking in the rear eross-eyed
Young man, you feel superiority to the whole
human race as you stand at the altar with your
fair vounz BRIDE. You would not change places
with the President. Yet few short years, a few
uhiskinEs Of broom handles, an untimely stoppage
or two Of waited aat-irous, and your weary body
will rest under the swaying willow, while some
young gallant will bring your late afflicted part
ner OUT 70 the cemetery on calm Sabbath evenings
and whisper love in her as together they strew
peanut shells over your grave Oh, why should
the spirit Of mortal be proud.
There il a droH story Of how a man lost q wsger
in Pueblo Colorado. Stepping into large
liauor-shop be offered 10 bet ten 70 one that he
could. bIindfdLded, tell the name Of any liquor or
wine in the house, or any mixture OF liquors, BY
the tasts and smell. All went well with him at
Erst he named all the celebrated brands correctly.
Then they handed him glass OF water. de
tasted he snelt, be tasted and smelt again. and az
last. completely nonplussed, he gave 1t up 50.
sWeIl, boys" be said, you've got me. Il
seems % me as If, years ago, struck something
OF that kind in the States, but it 80 long ago
that have entirely forgotten It,
PrNxr PI.-Punkin Pi IL the sass oy M En-
gland They are vitEles and drink, they are joys
on the haE she'll they are glory enuf for one day,
and are good kOld or warmed up would ike
20 be a boy again just for sixty minnetts, ana eat
r,vseIf phuH ov the blessed old mixtur. Emmy
man who don't luv punkin pi wants watching
cIuss. for be means to do somethin mean the fust
good chance be kan git Civ me all the punkin
pi could eat. when was a boy. and didn kare
whether Suuday-sk9ol kept open that day or not.
And now that have grown up to manhood, and
have run for the legislature once, and only got
beat $50 votes, and am tborOly marrid, thare amt
nothing banker for wuss, and kan bury quicker,
tbao TWO thirds Of a good old-lashioned punkin
nj an inch and half thik, and well snelt up,
With ginger and nutmeg Punkin pi is the old
est American beverage I kno ov, and ought to 60
down 70 posterity with the trade mark oy ouf
orandmotbers on it; but am afrade it won't, for
n ix inf even now to fnd one tastes in the mouth