The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-06-12

street he caught the sound Of, as he supposed, a
bag-pipe. He was Immediately transmogrifed
leaned against q lamp post and gave his soul up
TO the Inspiring strains OF old Scotia's national
instrument. In fancy, he was again in bonnie
Scotland" After listening long time to the
heavenly strains, he was Joined by DR., Johnson,
who asked him what was the matter. " Be still,
said Fyfe, don't you hear the bag -pipe.' point.
ing In the direction Of the square. Pshaw!
said Doc, that's the squeak,ng OF the derrick.
Fyfe looked at him minute and said, Lets
have some soda"
Mrs, swisshelm nicely adjusts tie equipoise
US follows
Some one writes aud many papers have quoted
the following sentence: Forty girls will run
after q snob with gold headed cane where one
will shy up TO fellow with sound horse sense"
When we say that forty men will run after filrt
who can sing little and thump on the piano TO
where one will shy up to plain, hard sense girl
who is not ashamed to help her mother get din
ner, the case stands about even.
Walt Whitman, the Brooklyn Argus affrms, is
devoting his leisure hours to the composition OF
poem on the great scandal. specimen stanza
will show that the terror of his genus is unaba-
ted
Cornucopeia Of pestiferous peccadilloes
Plague, pestence, slaughter, famine,
arson, murder, tempest,
lightning, shipwreck, North
Pacific bounds and Orange
county butter
What are these to that, or this to those
Warming the Pole; icing the Equator
Sitting sad, solitary; leaping, crawling,
flying all around the world and
on the rocks of Terra del Fuego.
Parthenope horrida! Periscopc woe!
Succotash OF social slime immense,
Dimming the argent plenitude;
Much, slush, gush. Sherman, avaunt.
0 Elizabeth! Henry!
Rev. Thos X. Beecher has an article in the
AdUancC ridiculing the idea of striving to be n
good speller. Among other things, he says: "a
man who spells with uniform accuracy is pre-
.umptvely a fool, to which the editor of the
A4uance responds: "Our readers win be sorry
TO know that we have looked over T. X Beech
er's manuscript for a mispellcd word in yain,"I
which will pass for pretty keen satire
The only newspaper in the United States
which enjoys the confidence OF President Grant,
the Washington Republican, makes this spitcful
allusion TO Vice President Wilson on his travels ::
Some OF the irreverent newspaper scribblers
couple the names Of Vice President Wilson and
Sergt. Bates together as the reat-American-
star-spangled- banner bridge-the-b bloody chasm-
Cancellation. travelers-which is rough on Bates
Isaac Watts is the name OF a noted Indian fox.
hunter. It's SAID TO be an eXhlerating sight to
note him hieing over the hills ald far away,
singing merrily one Of the hymns composed in
his days of youthful leyity.
There 10 very strong infusion Of genuine
human nature IN these Indian ambassadors at
Washington. What else could be expected of
Red Cloud and his companions than that they
should be Indignant at being quartered at TEN.
perance hotel9 How would Grant, or any other
prominent Washington pollution, like TO be
quartered at that kind of tavern?
We are tired of these suicides, but when a
Massachusetts, girl ties her feet 10 the top Of Il
bedpost, and leaves her head to soak to death
in the slop-bucket, an honest admiration for true
genius compcls US to hand her down to immor
tality
A reviewer in the New York TriJuhe defines d
real poet rs "A singer whose verses haunt your
twilights.' This definition is undeuiably good
one and il accepted at once places the mosquito
in the front rank.
Oliver Wendell Holmes says kiss is "the
twcnty.seventh letter Of the alphabet--the love.
labial which it takes two TO speak plainly" This
is the Kiss alphabetical, and 1t is odd that Nj.
BeccAcr hasn't mentioned IT,
They have a barkeeper in Aurora who is a
model. lie never drank drop OF liquor in his
life, never smoked or chewed tobacco does not
utter profaue word, attends church twice ev.
cry Sunday, and generally drops in at sabbath
school. We challenge the world to produce an.
other such barkeeper, says the Ne"s.
Waukegap, the home Of the Glen Flora springs,
is succeeding .plenddly as watering place
The Patriot says:
Among our visitors the past week have been
hand organist and hurdy gurdy manipula
tor.
A Pennsylvania paper quotes President Lin
coins words, with malice towards none, with
CHARITY TO all" and attributes them to the Bible
Thus is seen what comes of letting boys 20 fish.
ing on Sunday instead Of going to Sunday
School.
Polite Washin g.on Society having been great
y embarrassed by the necessity Of frequently re-
ferring to the eloquent Indian chief Spotted
Tail, bridge their horror BY the cuphemsm
"Variegated Narrative
The presidents friends claim that he had a
hand in unear;hing the whisky frauds. His ex.
cellency has nose for whlsky.-Bostoh Post.
The State Convention Of Druids Is about to as
semble at Lafayette, Indiana. II the Druids still
keep up the practice Of offering human sacril
ces il NAV be well here 10 suggest 10 them thai
it's easy enough &c catch an indianapolis editor
st. Louis Bpv6.
Mr.. Ryarts seems 10 be making the speech OF
his lIfe-tsme-E y. Suz. For heavens sake
don't LET Il be ns long as thaf.--f. y. Star.