Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1875-02-11
PHUNNYGRANS.

AAONNAUAAA0e
-" How charmingly naive she is, said
young beau to crusty old gentleman.
Knave" exclaimed the latter, gazing
through his spectacles toward the CO.
quettish beauty indicated. 81 should
say more of fool"
Where's the molasses, Blll?" said
red-headed woman sharply to her son,
who had returned with an empty jug.
None in the city, mother. Every
grocery has large board outside with
the letters chalked on it, N. 0. Mo-
lasses.'"
Said young married lady recently
to friend: " My husband often said be-
fore marriage that he would love me to
death, and really fear he will, for l
cannot even visit u neighbours without his
falling upon my neck, kissing me
twenty times, and begging me to return
soon"
"A sailors wife had just received in
telligence that her husband had persisted
at sea. She was visited by a neighbor
who sympathized with her on her loss
and expressed fear that she would be
poorly off. "'Deed will |" said the
widow; "but he did all he could for
inches saved me the expense of his
buryin'."
"A Vermont schoolmaster says he
never felt unequal to any demand in the
line OF his profession, excepting on one
occasion, when farmer brought his
bouncing, tifteen-year-old daughter to
| the school, and, walking up to the mas
ter's desk, said: "That's my youngest
| gal, and if you ever catch her slidin'
down hill with the boys, just want you
to trounce her"
"A lady was leading little black and
tan dog When she reached the corner
boy suddenly cut the string and, giving
yell that boy only can give, black
and tan put down the avenue at his best
pace. The lady caught the boy and gave
him few smart raps on the head with
the handle of her parasol; and being
asked what she was doing naively an
swered: =" Pm handling the nucleus of a
very bad man."
He was yelling Black yer butes"
in front of the Postotfice yesterday, and
chewing away at a monstrOus quid of
gum, when another boy came along and
screamed; IS Say, Bill, s'posen ye let me
chaw that for awhile, I'll give 'er back
termorrer." All right-give me re-
ceipt." what fur" "What fur?
| Why, s'posen We happened to die to-
night and / hadn't anything to show?
How'd | ever git this gum back ?'-De-
toit Free Press.
An aristocratic but economical ma
iron in Chicago has bought forty-cent
tea-bel and invented paragon of serv-
ant, whose only imperfection is her
deafness. when she has company at tea
the mistress rings and rings for the cake
basket, or more hot water, or something,
then, with the remark that Jane gets
dealer and deafer every day, goes for it
herself and returns, maintaining a ven
triloQuial conversation with the mag
mary Jane all the way up the basement
stairs.
-" Disease is very various" said Mrs.
Partington, as she returned from the
street door after conversation with DR..
Bolus 1.-THE doctor tells me that poor
old Mrs. Hare has got two buckles on
her lungs 1t is dreadful to think Of,
declare! The disease is so various! One
day we hear Of peoples dying of her
mitage of the lungs; another day of the
brown creatures; here they tell us of the
elementary canal being out of order, and
there about tonsors of the throat; here
we hear of neurology in the head, there
of embargo; on one side Of us we hear of
men beng killed by getting pound Of
tough beef in the sarcophagus, and here
another kills himself by discovering his
jocular vein. Things change SO that
declare don't know how to subscribe for
any disease nowadays. New names and
new nostrils take the place of the old,
and l might rs well throw my old herb
bag away"