National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1875-03-18
A SOLEMN SKETCH.
Putting an Undertaken.

i've taken your paper for twenty six years.
he commenced, as he reached the head oTthe
stairs, says the Detroit Free Prsss, "and now
want puff"
He was q very tall, slender man, had o face
which hadn't smiled since ls42, aud his neck was
embraced by q white cravat, and his hands were
thrust into black gloves.
Ave got new hearse, new stock Of co6ins,
and l want local notice, he continued, as he
sat dSWn and sighed, as II ready to screw o csf-
nm lid down.
"My dear SIR" replied the man in the corner,
"lye met you at great many funerals, and your
general bearing has created favorable impress
sioD. You sigh with the slghers, grieve with the
grievers, and on extra occasions you eau shed
tesrs Of sorrow, even though you know that you
can't get ten per cent. OF yeur bill under six
yes" sighed the undertaken, insttuctIvely,
measuring the length Of the table with his eye,
and wondering to himself why editors tlb'"s
weren't covered with Grape, with rows of coin
nails around the edges.
nan in the corner; 'but still 1t is an occasion
when one can appreciate neat thing. I've seen
you rub your EnucKles against doOr-posts and
to euIoEieS on men who owed you for twenty
years before their death, and you looked even
more solemn than the beresyed widow; I've seen
you back your hearse up to the door in such al
easy, quiet way, that 1t robbed death of half its
terrors. All this have seen and appreciated,
but couldn't write puff for you"
"Why not 2" he demanded.
"For many reasons. Now, you have q new
hearse. Could go on and say: Mr.. Sackcloth,
Se S and we hope that our citizens will en-
deavor to bestow upon 1t the patronage such enter
prise deserves II rides easy, is Handsomely
other Gould say that?"
"No, notvery WELL"
"Uf course couldn't. You can call grocer
or a dry goods man genial friend, and It's all
right, but you aren't genial-you can't be. It's
your business to be solemn. Ifyou could be even
more solemn than you are, 1t would be money in
TThat's so, he saId, signing heavily.
"1fit was an omnibus or coal cart, or wheel
every separate spoke, but lt isn't, you see'
He leaned back aud sighed again.
"And as TO your collins, they are doubtless
able; but could / go on and say: Mr.. Ssckcloth,
the undertaken, has just received his new styles
see as many OF bis customers as want something
handsome and durable at moderate price,
Gould say that?"
al couldn't say that you were holding clear
ingout sale, in order to get ready for the spring
patronage, you had decided to present each Gus.
TONER with a chrome. 1 couldn't say that you
were repairing and repainting, and had the most
to hope that the people would pstronize you, or
to say that all orders sent in BY mall would De
promptly nlle6 and that your motto was: Quick
he put on the look Of tombstone, and made no
reply.
aYou see, II you had stoves to sell, or dealt in
maekerel, or sold fishing tackle, everything
would be lovely. You are On undertaker-sol.
emn, sedate. mournful. You revel IN Grape, and
you never pass black walnut door without think
Ing how much good coffin lumber was recklessly
wasted. The tollipg.bell Is music to you, and
the City hall flag at halfmast 10 fat on your ribs.
Wed like TO oplige you, but you see how Il is.n
ayes, ! see" he sighed, and he formed In pro-
eesSion and moved down the stairs, looking
Ground now and then to see n the hsarse was Just
thirty.four feet behind the officiating clergy
mans carriage.