The Indiana State sentinel. [volume] (Indianapolis) 1868-1895, 1875-03-09
"GOING TO MARIA"
MAN WHO HAD EVIDENTLY TRAVELLED
HOW BE SOLD SOME TICKET sCALPBRs.

A MAN WHO HAD EVIDENTLY TRAVELLED
HOW BE SOLD SOME TICKET sCALPERs.
The st. Joseph (Mo.l Herald gives to the
world the following story which has an sp-
plication which will be generally appre-
cisted by the travelling public: Just at this
time there is a lively competition among
railroad ticket agents to secure travel over
their respective lines. Rates East have been
cut, travel has increased in consequence, and
each Western road wants to have its full
share. Yesterday portly, pleasant-looking
old gentleman cRmein on the train from the
north, and started up Francis street, car
pet sack in hand. He was evidently farmer,
and probably belonged to the grangers.
At this precise jgnctnre, l.. M. Dunn, ticket
agent of the st. Louis, Kansas City Il
Northern line, happened to be glancing out
of his window, and saw the traveller and bis
carpet sack. He met him half way between
Long Branch and the Pacific, and COM
menced as follows:
"Going East, sir?"
"Yes," was the reply
"Ah! Step right up to the Union ticket
Office Great through line, sir. Land you
in New York sixteen hours in advance OF
any other route. Finest sleeping and din
ing cars in the world. Chicken three times
day, and beds free from vermin. Butter
on two plates, and molasses all over the ia
BILE. Come right along, sir"
The innocent countryman walked along a
few steps, when Maj j B. Laughlin, ticket
agent of the Hannibal & ST. Joseph railroad,
greeted him affectionately with:
"Going East, sir?"
"Yes." again.
"Glad to meet YOU. Step right into the
Office Shortest lire by thirty-three miles
and half to New York: put you in there
nine hours ahead of any other line. Finest
aating-houses in the world. Soup three
times day, and fleas expelled from the
sleepers daily. Come in. sir"
Before the astOnished countrynan could
recover from his bewllderment 81 these sud
den and unexpected manifestations of in
terest in his welfare, Dan Mountain, of the
Kansas City, st. Joseph & Council Bluffs,
tackled him with:
"Going East, sir7"
"D-n it, yes," (rsther curtly.)
'Im Just the man you want TO see. Come
along with me. Office mot on the corner
Best and shortest route by long shot to
any point. Put you through in jiffy.
Splendid sleepers, and cedish-balls fer
breakfast Conductors all of pious and re-
spectacle parentage, and fires kept up con-
stantly. Come along, SIR"
The unfortunate man was completely
dumbfoundeG, and before he could recover
Laughlin had him by one arm, Mountain
by the other, while Dunn chung tightly to
the coat-tail, and he was hustled into the
Hannibal & st. Joe Office, hereanother par
ley took place.
:'What point are you going to-" was asked
by three disinterested individuals simulta-
neously.
"Goin' to Maria"
Instantly three railroad maps were jerked
out. and for full fifteen minutes three pair of
eyes inspected them closely. Then each of
said pairs of eyes looked at the other, and
finally all conferred on the gentleman from
the rural districts. Then the question was
asked by three persons:
''Where is Maria?"
"Where's Maria? Why, 'spose she's tn
hum. Maria's my wife, and lives six miles
east of town, and if didn't want to go to
her where the hill would want to go tor"