The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-03-18
More Fun in the Detroit Police Court
LITTLE FAMILY DIFFICULTY.


Austin Smith said he was guilty of dis.
turbing the peace, but he asked the Court
"How would you like it if your mother
in-law came into your house and called
you red-headed sneak and black-hearted
liar?"
"She called you that, did she?"
"She did, Judge, and she threatened TO
brain me with the coal-stove shaker. You
don't know what an old she-wildcat she
isin
At this moment a stern-faced female,
spectacles in hand and look of deep dis
gust in her eyes, rose from her chair,
walked forward and exclaimed:
Judge, he's an awful, awful liar, and if
you knew as much about him as L do
you'd say that he ought to be lashed to the
bone! He married ny darter, he did, the
vi-ul wretch, and she'd starve to death if
didn't carry her provisions. He's lazy,
mean, sassy and worthless, and III say it
to his face
"Oh, you old rattlesnake " he growled
through his teeth.
"Oh! YOU black-hearted wretch "
sac Kissed, putting her nose almost against
his.
"See here, now," remarked his Honor,
laying aside his pen, "it pains me more
than tongue can tell to see respectable per-
sons engaged in family row. You ought
to be ashamed of yourselves, and ought
to send you both to the Work House."
He's the one! " she shouted.
"She's the old vixen" he grOwled.
"Austin Smith, put on your hat and
make a bee-line for home!" exclaimed
the Court, land if you spit in your
mother-in-law' face again I'll wait on the
corner for you with hand-spike. And
you, Mrs. johnson, put on your specta-
| cles, tie double bow-knet in your bonnet
| strings and 90 home and mind your own
affairs. If your daughter has half your
temper, she's abundantly able to take care
of herself, besides making her husbands
life miserable. throw the case out OF
court"
.sAnd he can call me an old man-killer,
can he 2" she asked, breathing hard.
$50 home-be far away right off," he
replied, waving his hand.
"Well, l know one thing" she said a.
she went out; "if that little sneaking
skulking, brassy, sassy, lying, stealing
hypocritical, fault-finding, shiftless, lazy
worthless, drinking, smoking, chewing
back-bitting, growing, grumbling, good
for-nothing, miserable, contemplate, de
graded Austin Smith ever spits in my fact
again I'll have his life if swing for it the
next minute J"
And the boys marched behind her as sh
turned the corner, and sang:
Oil if I should ever marry.
And have a mother in law,
I'd hire some good physician
To amputate her jaw
AN UNFORTUNATE DUTCHMAN.
"Pll shust shpokes how dat was" SAT-
the old man as he stood in front of the desk
"Yes, 90 on and make your explana
tions," replied his Honor, whirling Seek
no-further by its long stem
"You zee," continued the prisoner, "
vas sthanding NIT de door of mein saloon
und fellow gooms up und say: Hello
old Limburger!' und it makes me mad.
swell, go on"
81 say: You'd peter go along mi
your peesness or you get hurt l don
know Und den he kick me on de most
und strikes me on de leg, und de boleect
man gooms along and dakes me-"
is that all ?'
"Yaw, dat ish all"
"Have YOU ever been here beforew
"Not in dree tousand year."
"And you won't come again ?"
81 shall sthay NIT my house all d
time"
"Well, you may go. That black eye
a pretty good punishment of itself. an
v0u don't seem to be a malicious-minde
man. Smoke your pipe, sip the foamln
tankard, and live at peace with all mar
kind"
"Yaw, dat is TO-" replied the old mai
and ne walked away.
WHEN THE ROSES CLIMB.
81 am given to understand, MR.
Haven" commenced his Honor, as a tall
thin female came out, g that you wer
drunk again last night, in spite OF whs
YOU promised me a week ago."
81 took a sip to keep the chills ava.
your Honor" she squeaked.
And you fell down stairs, had a tgf
with your husband and was brought
here on a Sled" he continued.
., "Poor me! Poor mel" she waile(
wiping her eyes on the corner OF he
apron.
:" Yes, the time has now arrived whe
Won NAV well raise your voice in lamel
tation," he continued. "Pve let you o
on suspended sentence several times, an
: YOU have not needed my repeated war;
\ inps. Your hour has come. Your lit
y old shanty will not echo the sound {
q YOUR melodions voice for many days
a a come, and your husband can retire wit
: | his boots on and lie cornerWays OF u
bed. You will not be there to hear Il
. March winds signing around the gable
:. and the spring breakup Will come an
: YOU won't be here to wade through Il
!. mud on Woodward Avenue. III mai
u the sentence three months. When Il
. roses begin to Chamber up the trellis az
|, nod their sweet buds at each other, an
4 the boys are playing mumble-te-peg IN Il
! y parks, and the mild-tempered blue bll
= Sings on the gate-posts, then, Mrs. Have
!. J. YOU will recover your liberty and con
y back to us an older, and, | hope, bettt
:, woman
( She wiped her eyes again, rolled the
II up until they looked like hard-boii'
+ !. eggs, and as Bijah led her away she call
70 out: =,
: "Send somebody down after my 9th
Z corset and black shawl!"-FTee Press.