The Van Buren press., 1875-03-02
How Gum Insured Fitman's Life.

My life insurance agent, Ben i.
Gum, is still around and he is still can
vassing attentively for his company. a
day or two ago he dropped in to per
suade Mr.. Pitman to take out a policy,
and the following conversation ensued 4;
Gum" called -'
Pitman-' o, get out i don't want
to be bored about life insurance
Gum" If you will permit me mere
Pitman-" But / won't permit you.
Skip. This is the sixteenth time you've
tackled me, and I'm sick of it | aint
agoing to insure my life, That's settled"
Guun-"You misunderstood me, judge,
l called to ascertain if YOU were a mem
Der of the Peace Society"
Pitman--" am"
Gum" thought so. And Of course
-youare willing to help along any scheme
which will put an end to war and mur
DER
Ptman--" Certainly"
Gum" Well, then, just listen to me
| am acting in behalf Of your Society
/ nave on hand magnificent plan for
producing permanent peace on earth, and
making armies useless. Why did Cain
kill Abel?'
II dunno
Gum" Because he had no particular
interest in keeping him alive. That's the
reason Why did David hang Goliah !?
Why did the Romans butcher the Cartha
giniansy Why did the Mndocs kill Gen.
Candy? Why did old what's his name
barn Ridley and Latimer at the stake
Pitman--' Hanged if know
Gum" Why, because it wasn't mon
ey in the pockets of any of those fellows
to have those fellows walking around en-
joying life. Do you suppose Rrutus
would a-stabbed Caesar, if Caesars dea,h
would a-kept Brutus hard up for market
money? Not much he wouldn't Do
you believe Wise would hung old John
Brown, if John Browns death would
a,iorced Wise to borrow money to buy
boots 2"
Pitman-" Maybe he wouldn't
Gum" Well, then, look aherc.
Suppose you was a policy holder in
Mutual Life Insurance Company; would
not it reduce your dividends if you was
to kill another member, and wouldn't
you do your terrific best to keep that
member alive p
pitman--" Strikes me ] would
Gum" OF course Now, what | am
aiming at, is to gather the whole civilized
earth--the whole human family--uto
our company, SOS that all hands will be
perfectly wild to keep everybody else
alive. When this is done you can beat
your swords into spears, and your plow
shares into pruning hooks, for there'll be
no more war. Don'tyou see, am not
working for paltry commission or two.
1t is a labor of love I'm trying to Gle
vate the race, and promote Christian civ
ilization"
Pitman-" 1t nevar struck me in that
way"
Gum" Anyhow it's so. And ask
you. as a member of the peace society 10
enroll your name among those who are
carrying on this great work. Terms as
low as any other company, and dividends
payable semi. annually. Unborn genera
tions will rise up and call you blessed
We make our policies payable at any age
or will put in the Tontinc; and you II
dry the widows tears, and hush the cry
Of the orphan Go in for five thousand
dollar policy, and l assure you that the
glad hosanas Of the white rohed angel of
peace once more will resound from the
starry vaults of heaven, and over the
smiling earth the songs of love will still
the clangor of the war,horse aud the
boom OF the cannon, and man once more
will know the felicity Of Paradise Let
me see; how old are youi"
Pitman--" I'm forty.four in February.
Put down for five thousand, payable at
sixty years of age. Call in the morning
with the papers, and I'll sign EN-
GOOD day, Pm off. I've sot an en-
gagement with Cooley, at eleven, and I'm
anxious to keep it. I've haunted him for
two years now, and he has succumbed." "
-DaaJuy NewS,