The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-04-07
SCRAPS.

The scale of good breeding-B nat
ural. = ~
Apoor relation--selling an ahees
dote badly. Il 8.
Carpets are bought by the yard,
and by, the foot: @
Wasting sweetness-putting your
arm around pretty woman.
4 AS you cannot avoid your own.
1eompany make it as good as possible.
/ Instead of saying alook up" the
Texan exclaims: "See hyar, old fel-
low |" = -.
Habits cable. Every day we
weave thread. and soon we cannot !
break it. =
Mrs. Beecher is an awful homely
woman, but then her bread is never ],
heavy. ..
"May heaven bless and keep you
from your own trpe love, Benjamain
Herrick," was the way the letter en-
ded.
"Teeth in exchange forl wheat pork
or potatoes" is what an enterprising
dentist in one of the State towns ad-
vcrtises. ........-.
A grocer when complained to about
selling bad eggs, said: "At this sea-
son the hens amt well and very Of.
ten lay bad eggs" IT,, .,.......I-i;,.. 81.
A veteran shopkeeper says that
although his clerks are very. talka-
tive:during the day, they are always
ready to shut up at night. sS
Josh Billings says: sThere ain,ts
any thing that will completely cure
laziness, though second wife has
been known to hurry it some.
A Rhode Island woman says that:
she'd rather have the nightmare sess
ven straight nights than tell her hus-
band the -four barrel is empty.
When a Chicago man gets rich, he
writes to Eastern publishing houses
and tells them to send ahalf q ton Of
books with gild on."-Milpankee
news.
- Miss Eastman, in her woman sui.
frage argument up to the State House
ussd the semile. "Eyes as bright as
buttons on angels coats" She's ct
ting brassy. ..a-
Give your son o good education
and settled purpose in life, and when
he is a man be will not be content.
to sit back of grocery stove and
crack his inger.joints.
There is said to be but one divorce.
in England to every ten in America.
Comparatively few English people
marry for fun, it would seem.-Louis-,
vile Courier Journal.
The New Haven Register relates
that an actor at one of the theaters
was called out three times in one eve
ming, not long ago twice by the
sheriff and once by the tailor.
An Annapolis man rode clear to Sa-
vannah to lick fellow who called him
liar, and the undertaken said he new.
er saw o dead man look so much like
a quarter Of beef
When tho postmaster of Yicks-
burg was on his dying bed the other
day, twenty-eight men hurried past
the house with petitions praying that
they might be postmaster.
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by young person
burnt all her hair off her forehead
with a hot slate pencil and cannot
afford to buy row Of curls.
A musician noticed that his friends
wearied at his performance, remar-
ked "You aware that this is a very
difficult passage" IL wish it was
impossible" replied one.
The Detroit Free Press asks, if Mr..
Bcrgh can send man to Jail for ,hreo
months for killing mad cat, we'd
like to know what he can do with q
boy who feeds marbles to parrot?
A little American lad who had just
commenced reading the newspaper
asked his father if the word "Hon."
prefixed to the name Of number of
CoDgrese meant "honest."
The ghost of Noah Webster came
to spiritual medium in Alabama,
not lol since, and wrote on ship of
paper: 1T is tito times" Noah was
right, but we are sorry to see he has
gone back on his dictionary.
The New York Times publishes an
interesting account of the sickness Of
the late emperor of China. The empe-
ror vas taken with the first symptoms
of smallpox on the 9th of December,
and by one of those curious coinciden.
ces which the Chinese are always look
ing for, and to which they attach
so much significance, the attack was
thought to be connected with, or
reffcrablc to, the transit of Venus
on that day. The emperor beinga
descendant of the sun, nothing could
occur to him the purity Of that orb,
that would not be portentous to its
earthly representative. Thus the
planet, as it crossed the suns disc,
was likened in size to q pea, which in
Chinese is called tan, and the pestules
of small pox are likewise called tan
the characters which stand for the
two words resembling each other.
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