The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-08-12
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and HumOr.
The mosquitoes prefer open bars.
ANCIENT Changers The Mower bites
and Scythe-ians.
WHEN is glass of grog like locomo-
tive? When it's steamin' gin.
ANNOUNCEMENT of the death of a dog
by marine reporter bark lost.
THOSE spirits materialize best" said
Guzzlem, s'which have been caught and
bottled.
".WHAr comes after To" asked
teacher of small pupil who was learn
ing the alphabet. He received the be-
witching reply, "You do-to see
Liza.
A YOUNG man in Lancaster sent dol
lar to firm in New York who adv rtised
a receipt to prevent bad dreams. He
received SMALL slip of paper, on which
was printed, "Don't go to sleep.
(" REw1yAn1sTs, indeed ~ said Mrs.
Darlington, st amt got no patients
with such folks. I made my dear ?.
promise faithful that if proceeded him
to my grave he never would take
another"
LADY visitor Ito small boy)-So your
eldest brothers name is Macmillan.
What do you call him? Boy-Maxey,
mum. Visitor-And the baby-what's
her name? Boy-Minnie, mum. Wis
itor-And which are twins? Boy-Jem
an /, of course. FIN.
UPON being promised penny by his
mother if he would take dose OF castor
oil. bad little boy obtained the money,
and then told his parent that she might
"cast her oil" into the street. lie will
make a humorous newspaper para
graphist one of these days.
A ooCKNEY tourist met Scotch lassie
going barefoot toward Glasgow.
classic" said he, 81 should like to
know if all the people in these parts go
barefoot?' "Part of 'em do, and the
rest of 'em mind their own business,
was the rather settling reply.
"JEss1E, what was Joe's arm doing
round your wssIsJ wnen you were at the
| lIOub Sdt0 lctSO S5nb cSoASu HAOCO-
cious boy of his sister. ellis arm
wasn't round my waist; | won belt
from him, and he was taking my mea-
sure replied the indignant young lady.
He was lately asked by friend, his
reasons for spending his bright morning
hours in bed. "Well," said the slug
gish gentleman, "you know the old pro
on VII o4o11n no
worm p" Yes !" replied his friend.
"Well, I don't want the worm I had
one once.
Two coUNTRYMEN went into @ hatter's
to buy one of them hat. They were
delighted with sample, inside the clown
of which was inserted a looking-glass.
"What is the glass for!" said one of the
men. The other, impatient at such a
display of rural ignorance, exclaimed,
"What for Why, for the man who
buys the hat to see how it fits him -
ADETRoTTER was called as witness In a
case before one of the Justices yesterday,
and when the oath was administered he
raised both hands and said 81 shall
spoke holdings what amt drew if I
never nope 10 Cll0 81 y ulCh ito d. lHlHuG0
He was so earnest and solemn that the
lawyers let him alone. Detroit Free
Press.
gEnBTADE
I sang my love: - Come down. come down
And sail the cTinked river !"
She sent to me skreezy frown
That put me in CULVER.
swirled and sereeled: Oh, pray, my love,
Come sail the scroonchy water!"
She hightered wildly, like dove,
And in my boat caught her.
YESTERDAY morning a long haired
thickly-bearded stranger entered Girls
void street barber shop, and in response
to the inquiry if he would like to be
shaved he replied: g Yes, sir, you mis-
cradle, contemplate, skulking highway
pirate, [ would" He removed his hat,
lrew q navy revolver, cooked it, and sit
ing down in chair with the revolver in
lis hand, he continued "Now, go
lhead2 If you ask me to have my hair
nut, or say that have dandruff, or cut
ny chin, OF ask me to buy your hair
estorer, Til shoot you dead in your
racks" That barber didn't say one
vord while shaving that man.-DetyOW