Connecticut western news., 1875-09-03
An Inflated Cocktail.
1 MR. KELLEY's LESSON IN FINANCE FROM A ] BARKEEPER.

MR. KELLEY's LESSON IN FINANCE FROM A
 BAREEEPER. @
 From the New York World.l .
 CHICAGO, Aug. 15.-Mr. Kelley, whom MT. Morton does not scruple to call a gush ing sloppy tourist is out here endeaYoring to bring the people of tbe northwest to realizing sense of the necessity for an issue of more currency. Ratheran an amusing and interesting occurrence has transpired during his visit which has not yet found its way into any of the local prints, but which the World may deem worthy of publication. On the morning after his great imitation speech Mr. Kelley felt athirst, and walking down into the bar of the Fremont House bade the attendant barkeeper mix him a whisky cocktail. While the barkeeper was compromising the liquor, syrup, bitters, ice and water in due proportion he remarked You're Senator Kelley, ain't you P I am but don't be afraid, young man don't be afraid affably replied the great statesman. I thought you was,' said the artist in liq- uors; T hear you made bully speech last night up to McCormack's Hall. Was that all true you told us about them bonds and more greenbacks and that other shenani gan, eh p True ? said the apostle of infla- tion; of course it was true. l am 8 man of principle, young man man of strict principle 'Keerect,' replied the barkeeper as he poured the completed cocktail in an amber arch into the glass and filled tum- bier of water.
 MT. Kelley tasted the beverage. See here Johnny,' he said, that cocktail does n't rise and take me by the throat so much as it should; want it to be all to me that the name implies. Just make it stronger and give it to me in bigger glass, will you ?? .. .s.r..
 The barkeeper promptly transferred the contents into 8 water tumbler and added about twice the quantity of water. .
 MT. Kelley observed, somewhat testify |: Hello! hello! What are you doing? I wanted bigger drink; more of cocktail you know ~; r. .. -s
 The barkeeper smiled apologetically and begging MT. Kelley's pardon, emptied the diluted cocktail into ia weiss bier glass which he brimmed with water. There was an ocean of fluid faintly touched with a pinkish amber, on the surface of which fioated shred of lemon-pell. The bar keeper pushed the glass over to his custom. CT and affably resting both hands on the counter asked him how that suited him.
 MT. Kelley first rubbed his eyes and then pinched himself to be sure that he was him. self and awake; then lowered his specta- cles and inspected the bsrkeeper narrowly 'Young man, he said at last Tn his most solemn tones; do you call that cocktail?
 Do I call that a cocktail ? he replied pi- tyingly; 'what'n blazes do you call it I That's the best cocktail the world evey saw. There's whiskeY in it; there's gum in it; there's Angostora bitters in it; there's lemon-peel in it; there's water in it there's ice in it, and don't they make 8 cocktail Besides its called cocktail just the same as a dollar is called dollar, and don't that make it a cocktail i? You can do anything with that cocktail that you could do with any other cocktail you can drink it, you can pay for it; don't that make 1t as good as any other cocktail What do you take me for2 Haven't read your speeches P
 But gasped Mir. Kelley growing very red in the face, there's too much water in it. =. :. .-
 Too much water!' rejoined the barkeep- CT. Why you must have so much water in cocktail anyhow, mustn't you? You get your whisky like what you financial sharps call g reserve, and then you issue your cocktail on that basis. You see you have an elastic cocktail-a cocktail that adapts itself to the wants of the customer. If he wants strong drink he don't want much water; if he wants long drink I'll inf1ate his cocktail till its volume equals his necessities. tell you I've studied up this here financial problem
 'But-but,' stammered Mir. Kelley, there isn't drop more whisky all the while, and every drop of water you add weakens and spells it. ..-:-; -..'.+ '-
 That cant be- rejoined the barkeeper. Its just like finance. Whisky's wealth and cocktails currency. If you can expand your currency without any increase of your wealth and do no harm why can't you In. fate this cocktail up to hogshead full and let all them bummers in the street have a good square nip?' .....,....... ..
 You don't understand, replied MT. Kel ley. Its different ln financial matters. There is the relief afforded by my s.65 in. terconvert-' .5. Ae. aa
 I know it; know it, briefly answered the -barkeeper; I tell you MT, Kelley, your heads level. Now here is my inteconvert- ible cocktails Thus saying he poured half of the contents of the welss.beer glass
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