The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1873-1875, 1875-10-20
A Serio.C Comic Wow az Agriculture
aS = Fraud.

A serio-Conio vtsw 6 9Asrieultnr.
a. q Fraud.
Awriter in the Cincinnati Times,
having perused Horace Greeley's book !,
ab bout farming, with the immediate ef.
feet Of becoming mnddled, indites the
following, which he is careful to ex-
plain is mot by II. Co.
The basest frauds of earth is agricnl.
ture. The deadliest sgnis .tatuus that
ever glittered to beguiie, and dazzeled
to betray, is agriculture. I speak with
feeling on this subject, for I've
been glittering and beguiled and daz-
tzeled and destroyed BY the same arch
decciver. s. IS 1.
She has made me q thousand promis-
cs and broken every one Of them:
: She has promised me early potatoes,
and the rain has drowned them; late
potatoes, and drouth has withered
them. She has promised me summer,
squashes, and the worms have eaten
them; winter squashes and the bugs
devoured them. gael
1 She has promised cherries, and the
curculio has stung them, and they con-
tain living things, uncomely to the eye
and unsavory to the taste. 4
]. She has promised me strawberries,
and young chickens have enveloped
them, and the eye cannot see them.
She has promised tomatoes, and the
old hens have encompassed them, and
the hand cannot reach them. = -5
Nawonder Cain killed his brother.
He was q tiller Of thu ground. The,
wonder is that he didn't Kill his father,
and then weep because he hadn't .:
grandfather to kill. No doubt his Ear
" Rose potatoes, for which he had
paid Adam seven dollars barrel, had
been cut down by bugs, from the head
quarters of the Euphrates. His Penn
sylvania wheat had been winter.killed,
and wasn't worth eating. His Norway
oats had gone to straw, and would not
yield five pecks per acre, and bis black
Spanish watermelons had been stolen
by the boys who had pulled up the vines,
broken his patent picket fence, and
written scurrulous doggerel all over his
back gate. No wonder he felt mad
when be saw Abel whistling along with
his fine French Merinoes, worth eight
dollars head, and wool going up every
day. No wonder he wanted to kill
somebody and thought he'd practice ON
Abel.
And Noah's getting drunk was not
at all surprising. He had become an
husbandman. He had thrown away
magnificent opportunities. He might
have had monopoly Of sny profession or
business. Had he studded medicine,
there would not have been another doc
tor within thousand miles to call HIM
'quack;" and every family would have
bought . bottle Of "Noah's Compound
Extract Of Gopher Wood and Anti-Del-
uge Syrup" As politician be might
have carried his own ward solid, and
controlled two thirds Of the delegates
In every convention. As lawyer, he
would have been retained in every case
tried at the Arsrat Quarter Session,
or the Old Ark High Court Of Admirali-
ty. But he threw away oil these i'd
vantages and took to agriculture. For
8 long time the ground was so vet he,
could raise nothing but sweet-fag and
bullrushes, and these ct last became
drug in the market. What wonder,
that when. ct last, he did get Z halfpeck
of grapes that we're stung to Heath by
Japhet's honey bees, he should have
made wine and drowned his sorrows in
1 Flowing bowl" ,
Z The fact is, agriculture would demor-
alize saint. Twas almost saint when
/ went into it. I'm demon now. I'm
at war with everything. fight myself
out Of bed ct four o'clock, when my bet
ter nature tells me 70 be still until
seven. l fight myself into the garden
to work like : brute, when reason and
instinct tell me to stay in the house
and enjoy myself like man. | fight
the pigs, the chickens, the moles. the
birds, the bugs, the worms everything
in which is the breath Of life. I fight
the docks, the burdocks, the mulleDs,
tho thistles the grapes, the weeds, the