The Morning herald., 1875-12-14
JOTTINGS ABOUT TOWN.


"My daughter" said Delaware avenue
mamma, "You shouldn't show your striped
stockings in the street. "Well NAH, how
will anybody know I've got um!'
A gentleman remarked yesterday that the
truest Interpretation of the song "silver
threads among the gold," was the finding
of hairs from a gray headed cook in board
ing-house butter.
A fellow in the hall on Sunday night who
had an attack of what is called the ''jams,"
asked for drink. Officer Stewart inform
ed him that the Mayor had issued an in
junction against spirits.
A Wilmington young man remarks
that Gasoline may be dsinfectant, but
he'll be hanged If Crinoline amt an III
fectant that fetches the boys around the
church doors every Sunday.
You may eat until you die of chicken
croquets, lobster salads, sauer kraut, snits
and k'nep, but unless you have tasted of
the genuine boarding house hash. you have
missed one Of the greatest luxuries.
Fourteen marriage certificates will be
presented in Wilmington as Christmas
presents to young ladies. The next Christ
mas it will be, within all probability, some
thing else. Broom sticks, rolling pins, and
one thing or another handy to pick up.
Swift wrote "There is no wild beast SO
much to be dreaded as communicative man
having nothing to communicate That
may have been very good in the day of old
Swiftly But the man who comes in to read
the exchanges and sees how near he can
come to the picture on the wall with tobacco
juice, beats it all to pieces.
It has been said that 1t is death alone that
can suddenly make person know himself.
But just let a father come up behind Will
mington boy who is STOPPING over tomake
crack shot at the marble in the ring, and
hist him with about two pounds of leather
boot, and he will come to know himself,
quicker than death could do it.
A quack doctor in Wilmington Saturday,
stated that if person became chilled frem
any cause, and took about teaspoonful of
his medicine it would cure them A gen
tlemen standing by said that every Will
mingtonian had receipt that beat it. Those
gentlemen who were at New Castle for
licenses can furnish the ingredients.
A gentleman living on Eighth street was
called upon yesterday by book agent who
insisted upon his purchasing volume OF
poems. The gentleman showed him the
picture of dead man in coffin, but it did
no good. Finally he got mad and threw
the ink stand and struck him on the cheek,
it merely bounced back, but did no harm.
The agent bowed himself out and said he
would call again some day when the gen
tleman had stronger arm.
c% 1o1 irtO tho Gron6
Opera House last evening, and while the
orchestra was performing one OF the most
| difficult pieces, settled into seat and COM
menced reading the Philadelphia Times.
In ten or fifteen minutes he turned to kid
gloved gentleman who was all attention to
the orchestra and shocked his musical taste
10y saying: "Gol darn it all, amt those
fellows ever going to get done tuning up,
I've been a sitting here fifteen minutes and
they've done nothing yet but scrape cat gut.
| In q building composed Of Offices for
lawyers and others, on Market street, are
speaking tubes. In q room on the first
floor is lawyer, over him, a gentleman of
leisure, and in the room above this halter.
Through the room of the gentleman of lei
sure runs the pipes, close together. in each
of them he made small hole and blew
until his red cheeks stuck out like TWO IN,
l'ated toy balloons, and he quietly awaited
the result. The lawyer asked what the
devil was the matter, the halter wanted to
know what the devil was the matter with
the lawyer. "Did you call," said one.
"No," said the other. "You are a liar"
said the first. YOU'RE another" said the
second. ''If I get hold of you I'll send you
up the spout" said the halter. ~ wish
you would,' said the lawyer, ''for it's too
small for me to get up Or ia come up
there and punch your head.' And then
the halter poured tin cup of water In the
spout which went into the car of the Attor-
ney who was listening at the tube below
for a reply, and now there is lawyer in
town who has water on the brain, and
there may be forty whistles at the tube and
he will never answer. He only looks at ii
and says "No sir; not by ID sight, I've
been there"