The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-08-26
The Eric Convention.

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distinguished neighbor over the way is tn
delegate from this county, the question t.
him becomes an important one.-Are yol
prepared? True, the doings of that Conven
ton are not going to turn out preparation
for our funeral and it may be thought tha
we have no put in the matter. We have al
interest in it, nevertheless-so much of al
interest that we cannot forego the pleasure
of throwing in our mite towards securing
distinguished representation. We have al
confidence in our distinguished neighbor.
lie has talent, Democratic probity and a vii
TO "bust the clouds, if necessary to secure
the object of his mission. But then he has
no experience. He is green-jolly green-a
veritable rough diamond spread out upon tho
grassland we would knock the crustation,
off hiM-burnish up his rough spots and
place him before the crowd with which he
will come in contact, a bright jewel in the
galaxy of Democracy.
As we said before, he has no experience
in State conventions. ,Te have had. We
have been there on several occasions-we
have looked-we have worked-we have
conned-we have danced Justify; and we
bave paid the fiddler well for his fddling.
Why not then impart our experience, and
from the abundance of our heart make our
pen to speak those words of soberness, wis
dom and truth which may, if needed, place
our distinguished neighbor on the highest
pinnacle, not only as a model Democrat but,
also, as delegate of the first water We
assume the task; and now, neighbor, stand
up and listen attentiyely, that not a single
word be lost
In the first place, neighbor, it should be
borne in mind that in all Democratic Con
ycntions brass is bound to win, and that the
more brilliantly the article is finished, and
the more freely flashed, the more certain the
effect. We have no fears of you, so far as
a possession Of the article goes. You have
1t in abundance; but, then it is latent with
in you and crude, and rusty for want of use.
Now we want you to begin the work of ex-
humlng the precious metal, at once-becin
the whiting off of the rough edges-the
sand papering down. and the polishing so
necessary to attract attention and secure awe.
As there is nothing like first impressions to
secure respect, you will of course dress In
your Sunday clothes, make free use of soap
II ou had better take a good chunk of the
homemade article along, and water, keep
your face and nose and hands clean, tip an
occasional dime to the boot-black, throw
back your head, swell out your chest and
walk among the delegates as though you
considered yourself u power not to be sneezed
at. Wit, too, properly thrown in, is worthy
of consideration; and, as it seems to be your
forte to be excruciatingly funny here at
home, it would not be amiss if you should
carry with you a few well conned Allentown
''ehOkes, as means to bring back to reason
and good humor any, whom accidental
brusqueness on your part might vex. And
we do not know but that theological tinge
Ill your walk and conversation would have a
liappy etfe0t. Your European experience in
that direction would readily prompt you
when to put on and take off the appearance
of Semi-religous fervor. These being the
rules necessary TO secure success, it but re-
mains for Us TO suggest the manner of their
application.
This portion of our selfimposei task, We
ennfess to be by far the most difficult por-
ton Aud yet, after all, we don't know but
that the application is easy enough. You
have but to be sure, as a first necessity, to
always keep in mind that you are the repre-
sentative Of the banner Democratic County,
of the State-eveu gallant Monroe-theI
county which, in fiction at least, holds the
banner wagered by the brothers Bigler-I
William and Juhn-years upon years ago.
Having this in mind you will be sure 10 keen
your eyes peeled for the assemblage of any
suspicious little eotaries during the sessions
and recesses of the convention. These areI
always to he feared and nipped in the bud,
at once, for it is in these that nIischiefs arel
brewed and delegates sold as sheep on the
shamblcs On seeing such, you will at once
assume theologico- majestic mien, and
stalking In, with an assumption Of yirtuous
indignation, Insist upon it that every thing
here must be done on the s1uare. You had
Better, Immediately on your arrival, secure al
scat commanding all portions of the room,
and commanded by all portions.
We would pot, however, being an instruct
cd dcicgase, advise you to aspire to the Pres
Siency Of the cohvenffion, tho4gh nos for q
moment doubling your ability TO FIJI it with
Aonor and acceptance, nor would we advise
you to accept any other official position-theI
BEST place to work, decidedly, being on the
Hoor. Here bring all your latent abilities in i
play, your versatility Of resource, your elo-
quence, your wit, your withering invectige,
all may in turn stand you in hand, aud it isl
aot presuB4ing too much for US to say, that
your immaculate wisdom viii readily prompt
yOu which. when and how TO uSe Scttipo