The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-11-20

OTTAWA
There are those that think we should take
care of the poor Indian because he is so will.
ing to take hair of us.
Annie Grub is the daughter OF a farmer,
and when she is at the churn, she's the Grub
that makes the butter fly.
Shoe dealer-I find we have no number
twelve shoes sir; but here IS pair OF large
mines. Chstomer-Nines Do you take me
for Ciudereller?
A down-colntry farmer who put ir half
acre with turnips last summer, says they
didn't bring him cent He should try on
ions next time They always bring scent
Herdld.
A Detroit mother can't understand how 1t
is that her girls can play croquet half a DAY
and not feel tired, and yet If one is asked TO
wash the dishes she reaches for the camphor
bottle.
OFF county fairs is going to do agricultur'
ennv cood,j says Long Island farmer,
keep out the wimmin. Them pull.backs
get mans eyes so sot that he can't see
nothin' else" Perhaps that is what allied the
Kankakee far.
Oughtn't fellow with a new stovepipe to
stop smoking.
Nothing will take the poetry out OF man
quicker than a kick of Il woman who wears
zebra stockings.
A Detroit woman wants to set eyes on the
female who can empty pan OF ashes and
not have the wind blow halt of them back
into her face.
The Brooklyn SIN says: 1T is a general
" received opinion that Chicago Is built on
a prairie All wrong 1t is built on credit"
Beer is claimed to be a healthful drink, yet
a great deal is said about its consumption.
A Pennsylvania woman's mosquito-bite
developed into a raging boil, and she died
from it.
A man has never had his patience put to
a proper test, if he hasn't tried to make fire
out Of green wood.
There are many different kinds Of patent
carriers, but it is hard to distinguish one kind
from another across the street.
A Tolono girl told a fellow that she would
give him kiss If he would catch her. She
ran well till she got out of sight of the old
folks and then gave IN.
An Illinois editor bought his ink by the
joyful. because it was cheaper, but his wife
went to fill the inkstand one morning and
found it wasn't Ink by jugful.
George Washington may have been smart
man, but any stupid BOY can get ahead OF
him by buying three.cent postage stamp.
This is passage from Boston reporters
account of a meeting of the Radical club:
Then matron made for kisses, in the love
licst of dresses, and with eyes that shone
more brightly than the diamonds that she
wore, spoke IN tones of lutelike sweetness,
words Of such happy neatnesS, that we clap
ped our hands for more, rs with grace she
lett the floor
An old bachelor says: "When l remem-
Der all the girls I've met together, feel like
rooster in the fall exposed TO every weather!
/ feel like one who treads alone some barn
yard all deserted, whose oats are fed, whose
hens are dead, or all to market started"
A little five-year old friend, who was al
WAYS allowed TO choose the prettiest kitten
for his pet and playmate, before the other
musings were drowned, was taken to his
mothers sickroom the other morning to see
two tiny, new, twin babies. He looked re-
flectvely from one TO the other for minute
or two, then poking his chubby fingers into
the cheek Of the plumpest baby, he said de-
cldedly, Save THIS one"
At the Sunday School concert last Sunday
evening, one of the speakers asked the ques-
ton: "When man goes out riding, what
is necessary besides the horse and buggy"
"a girl" shouted a little boy, quick as
Observation-Disclosures CITY Journal.
An ancient darkey called at the Central
station yesterday and informed the captain
that "a fele, had borrowed his watch and
gone right off to Canada and he wanted to
know what could be done about it. Moth
lng," replied the captain. And he can't be
fotched back NO" Well, dere's enc
thing sartin," said the loser as he went out,
"dat watch won't run over fifteen minutes to
wonce, onless he hires a boy to shake it,
Free Press.
On Wednesday evening of last week, Syca-
more held a rousing temperance meeting, and
before its close an intelligent tramp arose
and thrilled the audience by an eloquent re-
cital of the suffering and degradation liquor
had caused him. OF coarse, he had no
money, but easily succeeded in exciting the
sympathy of temperance friends, who kindly
contributed to his wants. Poor unfortunate,
the next morning he was found lying in the
street, dead-drunk
MISSISSIPPI AS BAD AS MASSACHUSETTS,
The other day Mlssssippian took little