The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-07-22
MISCELLANEOUS.

What Is the form of an escaped par
rot? A polly-gone.
A Boston tailor adYertises diagonal
boys suits,
At what season did Eve eat the apple?
EARLY in the fall.
What kind of robbery is not danger
Gus A safe robbery of course.
The duty of the hour-to take care of
the minutes and make up the day.
| It is strange fact that when people
| indulge in high words they use low
language.
7 Why cannot Temperance man kiss a
| jewess He has sworn not to taste jew
| lips.
s'Letter go2' as the boy said when
he lamp posted his letter at the street
corner.
Why is pig the most provident of
animals because he always carries a
spare-rib or two about him.
A young English lady, residing in
Paris, has received over fifty lashes.
She was born with them-on her eye
lids.
Strauss composed his first waltz when
seven years of age, his father boxing his
ears for fooling away his time.
KISSING all the ladies one meets is
Nicelandic custom. Would one Bee
chur-hsh enough not to2-Nea0 York
Graphic.
Speaking of railroads wag remarked
that they are now built of three gauges,
viz: Broad gauge, narrow gauge and
mortgage.
What's the difference between the low
er part of the leg, and the late comet?
Ones shin and bone, and the others
been and shone.
A Pennsylvania ladies' man says he is
never satisfied that his lady friends I'M
derstand kiss, unless he has it from
their own mouths.
81 go through my work, as the needle
said to the idle boy. sBut not until
you are pushed hard" as the idle boy
said to the needle.
Why is a church bell more affable
than 4. church organ? Because one will
go when it is tolled, but the other will
be ''blowed" first.
Boarding school miss: SO, Charlie
I expect to graduate at next commence
ment. Graduate? what will you
graduate in p "Why, in white tulle !'
A young lady who had no time to spare
for making garments for the poor has
been engaged three weeks embrOidering
| a blanket for her poodle dog.
A lazy fellow once declared in public
company, that he could not find bread
for his family. ''Nor I, replied an in
dustrious man; ''I'm obliged TO work for
it"
A western editor insists that he wrote
the word ''trosseau" as plain as q pike
staff in connection with certain bridal
presents. The printer, however, vulgar
ly put it trousers.
There's nothing so wonderful about
malleable glass that can be hammered.
A friend of mine has glass still I'm
broken, though he has kept punch-in-it
at intervals for several years.
ACCORDING to Rowell's Newspaper
Directory, 1000 newspapers have sunk
IS, 900, 600 by their failure in one year.
If this announcement is not spurious, it
shows how hard it is to makea news
paper run any length of time.
That was rather touching allusion to
deceased spouse, made recently by
farmer, who came to the village store to
purchase things. "Cant I show you
anything else to-day?'' politely asked
the clerk. 'No, [ reckon not" replied
the sad looking customer, 81 lost two
horses and my wife last fall, and / feel
putty poor. Good span of horses, too"
A tipsy fellow, who mistool a globe
lamp, with letters on it, for the queen of
night, exclaimed: ''Well, I'll be (hic)
blest, if somebody hain't stuck an ad-
vortiSement ON the (hicl uooDf'
The difference between having tooth
properly drawn by dentist, and having
it knocked out by fall on the pavement
is only slight distinction-one is dent
al and the other accidental.
A gentleman advertises his willing
ness to exchange cork leg for O revolv-
er. This is the nearest approach to the
old law of retaliation we have seen for a
long time. It isn't an eye for an eye
but it's a leg for an arm.
A Chicago man thinks that the Ind
ians ought to be externinated, became,
after all William PENIS kindness to
them, ''they went and made him stand
up one day, and shoot an apple off his
little boys head with an arrow
A lady, returning from an improbable
visit to church, declared that ''when she
saw the shawls on those Smiths, and
then thought of the things her own poor
girls had to wear, if it wasn't for the
consolation of religion she did not know
what she should do"
A red haired lady, very ambitious of
literary distinction, found but poor
sale for her book. A gentleman, in
speaking of her disappointment, said:
''Her hair is red, if her book is not"
An auditor, in attempting to relate the
joke elsewhere, said; 'sShe has red hair,
if her book hasn't"
A few days since farmer was telling
in our hearing that he had planted an
acre and half of potatoes, and he fear
ed they would be destroyed by the
potato bugs. "Are the plants up yet2"
asked bystander. No." replied the
farmer, s'but the darned bugs are sitting
on every hill waiting for them"
A Milwaukee, belle, attending
theatre in this city recently. complained
in one of the scenes that the light was
too dim to show the acting properly.
''Won't you try this glass ~ asked her
esort, handing her his lorgnette. Hasti-
" covering the suspiciouslooking object
with her handkerchief, she placed it to
her lips took long pull, and then
handed it back in great disgust, saying:
'Why, there amt drop in it !"
A California paper tells of a man who
resolved to give up drinking, and went
to notary to get him to draw up an af-
fidavit to that effect. The document
was drawn, read and proved; the party
held up his hand and murraured the us
ual promise. The paper was Their prop
erly sealed and delivered. ssWhat's to