Virginia free press. (Charlestown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1832-1916, 1875-12-11
VARIETY.
Talked Himself to Death.
The PaH-BGcg Dresses wUs To- Ruei for
Inn.

nm,
lie 60, oil The morning train the other day
and meaodered up into the city, aud stopped
IN frout Of a fae looking residence on Muusou
street. He opened the gate, walked up to the
door, aud pulled the bell. In moment it
was opened and he stepped quickly inside
You see, be said TO the as;onishcd giIl, 4
much prefer 20 DO my talking inside. Il is
so unpleasant 70 have the door closed 10 ones
face when ouly half through
lie walked into ,he parlor, and The Tighten
cd girl went TO inform her mistress that sew
iug machine man or book pedi'er had gained
access to the house. The lady entered the
room, and was greeted by the young mau Of
cheek As follows
They call uc blessing-the ladies do.
aud am abor-sayiug bcuefc:ar to the
sex. have little invention which avn in
troducing-a perfect little gem. It's, madam,
a small silysr-patej. si,t-point concern which
will allow you 20 wear the new style Of pull
back dresses as easily as tue breeches."
VIVA, 30 you mean, sir - demanded the
laly.
mo longer. INDIAN. viii you have 70 AXE
your meals OF from the mante-pieee. You
can sit down as easily as in the oll-siyle barrel
shaped dresses When yon travel you won't
have 70 lean Mp agaius. tie wa,er-cooler, nor
sit on the sharp-sigei seat arm. The little
invention which will thus facilitate your move
rnen,s retlls for only 81 It is called the
semi cylinder, doublc-juplex non-eouductor.
magical pull-back dress-lastener," and he
opened his sa,chcl and took ont half metal
aud wooden concern, aud SAIL, only ST.
You place !, uadcr your skirt this way, illus
traiiug with bis coat-ui',l and when You de-
sire 10 81, down pull the risht-baud string,
which you can have come ont in your pocket,
and 10 , down You gently aaat until you reach
the chair Il You desire % get into a carrilgr
drop The invention by pulling this string, put
your foot on the spring, and you'll iud your
self in tie carriage in an instant
The lady called Der husband % see the new
Invention. and the agent explained It's work
ings 90 him. As the husband S eye tell upon
the agent a wicked thought flashed through
his brain, and no determined 10 De reveuged.
This is new invention, began the agent
q" 70 enable ladies to draw back their skirts
much tighter than a, present, and at the same
time allow them 90 81. down. Il is called the
hish-hnglei, drawback aud slnecz, together,
new mo{as cyerandi. Ladies say am a labor-
saving beueiactor, that am an evsrlas,-
ing
Wait sboutcl the husband please ez-
plain its workings again
The agent did 50.
Why that would make good hay-hois-
ter.
Yes" answered The agent; " b1, /: is
more particularly designed for hdies.'
The husband sent for his daughter to exam
Inc the invention.
"Tbis is a new, unparalleled, uprieh, lonsi-
tujinal ,quare-saaPed perpendicular, two de-
gre-s south Jy four west, extra strong, sling
,ogetler-and-sqrash-up, pun-back dress III
vcution, which am selling Tor only one dol
Tor. Ladies coll uea-'
Hold ou % shouted the husband aud
father. uat, ! call nv other daughter aud
De wal'zed of tie room and returned with
the hired girl aud the caamtermail.
"Yau see, ladies' began the agent, "this
is q aop-over aud staud-you-up magical, ira
ei,al, two strings 20 the risa, aud one in the
centre or the invention for pulling back your
skirts. and he went on for half an bour.
during which time ,hchushaalsipped over 20
the next house and induced the inmates 90
come over aud hear the agent talk lie re-
turned wj,l six women and children just as
tie agent was winding up ior Tie fourth time
Escor,iug one person ilto tle room ata time
he had the agent tell each one atog, the iu- .
yeutign." lie stationed a small boy out 20 the T.
hall with a lead pencil who was instructed 20 T.
make a mark o. the wall every time tie agent
repeated his story. The stock De had brought .
10 was exhausted abeu; noon. when be sent a .
messenger around the ward 20 send in the
uoighbors, and tae aselt was ksp, telling bis
story wi,lou, iate,uission an near midnight.
As the sun disappeared behind the western
horizon the agent legau 20 show signs ct ia-
tigue but the husband was as fresh as ever
Eleven minutes 60 twelve O'Clock. tie agent
who lad Just completed his yarn for tue two
hundred and sixteenth time, locked up and
saspod. \ glass Of water was thrown IN his
face, and The husband told tie boy 90 run 10
Lalf dozen more persons, Cor he thought be
could finish tie agent now IN abou, an hour
and half Tie boy left TO rouse up the
leslt1A,oj. q, icl . hal. lrzra who bad