The Grange advance., 1875-05-25

SOugnC out DeOuett' AAey lVuuu uAM III
the centre of crowd around the stereop-
ticon distributing circulars, and after
shaking him warmly by the hand, and
rendering him Fall Rivers appreciation Of
his efforts to please her children,
begged leave to suggest how his show
could be improved. Bennett replied that
if he knew his own heart he studied to
please, and that he would be grateful to
his fellow citizens for any little suggestion
that might occur to them calculated to
render the stereopticon more entertaining.
On which the chairman of the committee
said-not, indeed, without some hesita-
tion--''Suppose you skip every other num-
Der on the programme Bennett rejoin-
ed that that would suit him to shade,
and the consequence was that for the rest
Of that evening he gave the crowd, "Buy
your coal of Bennett" without the in.
tervention Of pictures that tend to dis
tract the mind.
But Homer used sometimes to be
caught mid, mid, nodding, and Gen. Nc
Clellan occasionally failed to satisfy the
exacting demands Of his countrymen, and
Bennett, Of Fall River, has ovcrleaped,
ultra-advertised himself. Thursday last
found him sitting in his Office his coal
ofice..-moody of countenance and restless
of limb. And when his bookkeeper in
quired of his chief what it was allied him,
Bennett replied, ''I'm suffering Alexand-
rine pangs--.I vainly sigh for new phases
of advertising to conquer Presently
he arose, took up some Of his latest cards
---cards of mammoth proportions, done in
white and blue upon blood-red back.
ground. and sauntered out, not
knowing whittier he was going.
After walking in an aimless way
for few blocks, he noticed that
just ahead of him hearse was standing
in the street, followed hard after by row
Of carriages. Quick to conceive and
quick to act is Bennett, Of Fall River.
Promptly he stepped up to the driver of
the ebon vehicle and inquired, at the
same time ostentatiously displaying a
crisp greenback, if he would make any
objection to having few cards tackled
just behind his box. The driver for an
! answer put the greenback far down into
deep inside pocket of his vest, and
answered, "Go ahead for all of
me-" Bennett hereupon pro-
! duced a small hammer and some
tacks and went ahead for all of him. Be-
fore the friends and acquaintances on the
sidewalk, who were waiting for the funer.
al procession to start, were aware of his
intentions, the invitation "Buy your coal
at Benefits glared at them from three
several cards displayed from the side
and rear of the hearse. Bennett, of Fall
River, returned to his Office reassured
man, and joyous]y unbosomed himself to
his bookkc:Ier. Il never got such a
chance before,' he began, land l never
| improved one better. You see those
hearses 80 so slow through town that
people can't help but read those cards on
the black surface. I'm only sorry I
didn' t ask the driver, who seemed an accom-
modating fellow, to take circuitous
route. However, At this abrupt
point in his discourse Bennett, Of FAN
River, brought up all of a sudden. For,
10, there bounced into his presence man
dressed in black, with black Grape all
over his hat and black studs in his shirt,
who introduced himself with the re-
mark: "l'm the husband of the
deceased, and hired that yer hearse."
The husband Of the deceased carried in
one hand double-barreled shotgun, and
in the other an axe and bottle labeled
''vitriol.' His steps were attended by a
full-grown bull dog, badly SCARED in the
face and evidently Of an unhappy dispo-
sition. 81 told the procession not to
wait for me-" said the husband of the de-
ceased, ''and came down for satisfaction,
Mr.. Burnitt." The agonized coal dealer,
whose hair had by this time changed from
Lackawana black to lily white, made haste
to inform the husband of the deceased
that he had tackled the cards on the
hearse during an attack of emotional
paroxysma( insanity, to which he was
subject, and that he would not have had
the thing happen for ten of his best
coal, free from stone. The husband of
the deceased evidently did not regard the
apology as over and above handsome, for
when Bennett of Fall River had ceased
speaking he uncorked his bottle, spoke
sharply to his purp, swung his axe into
position and raised his gun to his Shout.
der. The next minute he threw the Wit
riol in Benefits face. set the dog at Ben
nett's throat, chopped with his axe at
Benefits legs, and discharged both bar
rels Of his gun into Benefits bowels.
The stricken coal dealer, with
one shout to his book
keeper, "Give this man gilt circular and
a pocket slate, fell back, howled horri-
bly,, and tainted. This was on Thursday.
When last heard from on Monday he had
Just "come to- and was about to proceed
by easy stages to the Saratoga Springs to
recruit sirgularly shattered constitution.
His opening remark on reviving from the
} protracted swoon into which the HUSBAND d
; Of the deceased had thrust him was char
. actscistic of the man. Said Bennett of