River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-03-05


His full name was Hebdon Wright Tur.
ner, but everybody called him "Heb. "
lie mnst have passed his sixtieth birth.
day, but no one cared to look second
time to see if he was growing old and
wearing out. He chored around livery
stables and saloons, always hungry and
always ragged, aud while no one was his
friend, he had no enemies.
The other day he fell down in a faint in
a saloon on the river road, and when he
was restored to consciousness he startled
the three or four men who placed him
on the bed by excaiming:
"Boys, "I'll be darned if hant going
to die
No one had ever stopped to think
whether Uncle Heb was ever going to die.
1t was the general impression among his
acquaintance that he would live along
for three or four hundred years.
slow do you feel y they asked.
"Kinder trembly and weak" he re-.
piled. "Ill bet fifty cents kick the
bucket afore noon."
They offered to bring doctor, but he
said:
mo, don't take any trouble; tend
right to business as usual, and when
kick the beam, plant me quietly and with
out any style"
The men imagined that it was mere
weakness, which would soon pass off, and
one of them sat down near him while the
others retired to go about their business.
Its tough weather for funeral y re.
marked Uncle Heb, as the fierce wiad
howled around the house. at don't
make any difference how I'm carried up;
| wouldn't know it if there were sixteen
hacks and brass band I'd just as lief
go up alone with the driver"
After pause he smiled blandly and
inquired:
"They'll speak of me as 'the late de-
ceased, won't they! Yes, of course. l
should like to read the papers tomorrow,
and see what they say of me; but won't
be here, you know"
slave you any property to dispose
off" asked the watcher.
Lemme see - unused Uncle Heb
"Yes, thar's an extra pair of butes and
hat and about IL cents in money | sup
pose the right way would be to have exc
cutors' pinted, but, as J said before,
don't want any fooling around. You can
divide up the estate between you."
The old man was very pale, and he
seemed to be suffering, and the watcher
was anxious to do something.
Il tell you" replied Uncle Heb, I'D
like some brandy. If it wasn't just as it
is | wouldn't put you to any trouble, but
being I'm going away to stay, I'd like a
few swallows of real peach brandy some
Of that in the fancy decanter."
Some was brought him,a he smacked
his lips, smiled and remarked:
IF | wasn't going to die, I'd try and
lay in a quart or two of that brand"
After five or ten minutes more the
nurse asked him if he didn't feel better.
"Feel better p echoed the old man,
show can dying man feel betteri Do
you suppose I'd be fooling around here if
! wasn't going to expire p
The man sat down and Uncle Heb con-
tinued:
''As soon as go up the spout one of
you 60 to the poormaster and say: Mr..
Willard is dead send Teller down and
plant him. That will be as good as a
speech two hours long. I'm sorry was
took sick here, but it wasn't my fault.
You may go now"
The man went out, thinking Uncle
Heb out of his mind, and sat down and
played dominoes for an hour. Hearing
no movement in the back room he opened
the door.
The old man was dead