Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1875-02-25
No. IA
Facts and EancicS.


plains Of being short.
The tax which presses most heavily on
school boys-Syn-tax.
The man who could not express his feel
ings sent them by mail.
FLORENCE, the actor, is 100000 ahead in
Washo stock speculation.
In culling the flowers OF poetry, no one
should miss Cullen Bryant.
A cockney naturally confountiS Masons
with hou fellows. -LolceN Courier.
THE Queen City Club, of Cincinnati, is
about to build 800, 900 clubhouse.
Brigham Young has sufficiently recovered
to sit up and be married occasionally.
a converted jockey has been speaking of
the receipts at church festival door as gate
money.
Charles Lamb said of one Of his critics
''The more think of him, the less think
of him"
THE new Western Union Telegraph build
ing at New York, contains 100 tons of cleo
trio batteries
"A happy thought comes from u happy
heart; it will come from no other, but it will
go to another.
Rev. Mr. Jelly, of Baltimore, is very pop
ular There is always a jam in the church
when he breaches.
MARK TWAIN, they say, has been offered
the Turkish mission because he is q harem-
scGrena sort of fellow.
A Michigan town has horsc-shocr who
can set 130 shoes in eight hours. 'Not slow
| but shoe'er' is his motto.
| This years annual dividends on the stocks
| and bonds of the various corporations at
Hartford amount to $2,518,69e,
The 4th of July, 177G, came upon We'd
nesday. The nations centennial birthday,
july 4, 1876, will occur on Tuesday.
| A Young man in the country announces
that he will give cromo to the young lady
who will take him for better or worse.
A Sil]ygism: The good die young. Brig
ham the Mormon will die Young. There
fore, Brigham is good.-LoaceH Courier.
He who goe:h it blind stitch down upon
the bent-up pin, while the observing man
scanneth the chair-seat before he squatteth.
They say that Winnie Ream MARBLES like
canary. She ought to sing we'll there are
twenty choirs in q Ream.- Cincinnati Times.
A scbool-boy has put on paper the fact
that be would ''rather be little girl and hey
his mother, than be a dog and hey the
moon"
The Homeopathists are going to give a
grand ball in New York We thought they
always gave pellets. Boston ConnnercinS
Bulletin.
A Danbury man who bought new pair of
boots, says ship may stand on one tack all
night if it wants to, but he finds an hour and
a half an elegant snficiency.
Most of the champaign comes from New
Jersey, and when you're double across the
stomach, in the still hours of the night, you
find it isn't sham-pain, after all.
They have elegant hotel po,tcrs in Boston.
"Wat till go and take off my patent leath-
ers," said one the other day, to guest who
had ordered him to shoulder trunk.
An Indiana man made bet that he could
ride the fy-wheel in a saw-mill, and as his
widow paid the bet, she remarked: civilian
was kind husband, but he didn't know much
about fty-wheels.'
We have had obituary notices on stand
| ing galley for six months OF few families in
town, that still continue to use coal oil in
lighting fires. 1t is only aquestion of time.
-O6er'in co., Neacs.
A lawyer pictured the meanness of an op-
ponent by saying that if his soul should be
placed inside of a mustard seed, it would
have as much playroom as a woodchuck
would have in the State of Connecticut.
The latest conundrum is, ''Why is the
Fourth of July-?" That's all. An interval
of fifteen minutes is here allowed for guess
ing the answer. Then the conundrum is put
again in this form: ~ is the of july"
A Canadian murderer wanted them to put
off the day of execution, owing to bis being
afflicted with the toothache; but the Sheriff
said he'd got to 60 to mill next day and he
couldn't possibly accommodate the prisoner.
THE London Telegraph compliments it's
countrymen by saying: ''The most brutal, the
most cowardly, the most ptiless, the most
barbarous deeds done in the world are perpe-
trated by the lowest classes of English pco-
ple."
"Can't the Chinese be trained to eat grass
hoppersi" is the question that agonizes one
portion of the great West; while another is
riven with anguish over the great inquiry,
cant they train the grasshoppcrs to eat the
Chinese?"
A boy writing of toads says: ''Todesis like
frogs, but more dignity, and when you come
to think of it, frogs is wetter. The warts
wich todes is noted for can't be cured for
they is cronick, but if | couldent get vel lde
stay in the house."
An old lady in Lockport recently achieved
eminece by carrying quart of pop corn TO
donation party, and eating two dozen 1rlea
oysters, pound of crackers, three slices or
fruit cake, half mince pie and some apples,
after which she was threatened with spasm;
and in the effort to prevent it she sacr'nced
| all the wine there was in the house She NJ.
tends donations regularly, and does good
deal for the church in that way.