The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-01-28
Miscellaneous.


A good kick out of door is better than
a rich uncle.
Freebooters-Men who are ready to
kick for nothing.
AjGreen Bay woman who weighs $50
pounds insists that she is somebody's
darling1p Es
When you hear row next door, it is
a sign the mother-in-law is paying visit
to the family.
A Green Bay girl shook an old horse
pistol at her father until he came down
with $50 for a new fur cloak.
A Clarksville man has written life of
the devil The last three chapters COM
prise ten years biography of his moth
er-in-law.
Mrs Partington, reading of the strike
of the wire drawers, remarked: 'Ah,
me, what new-fangled things won't they
wear nextg e.s..7sv
1t must make man feel mean to pay
an old dsba-6eealsa- be thinks he is GO
ing to de, and then have esfe doctor pull
him tn ,ugh all right,
Thafe is a vile hypocrite in Bethlehem,
Pa He actually entertained company
in honor of the anniversary of the birth
day of his motherin-law.
- For sport go to Texas They have pan
theirs there thirteen feet long and ex-
ceedingly vigorous; and if you have no
sport, the beasts certainly will.
A Covington man died and they put
him on ice, but he awoke in the night
and yelled out: why don't you put
some more wood in that stove"
Il
bottom of the sea. Whales with rheu-
matsm in their <not,joints can now try
the boasted benefits of electricity.
An Illinois debater had en- when he
arose and said: Eyes. gentlemen, Wa
terloo was the biggest kind of fight, but
Washington whipped EN- like q winkF'
=, So after ALL Carl Formes, the singer,
isn't dead. If Carl chooses to remit $4 so
to this Office for the obituary notice pub
lished, he will save himself the cost of a
suit
a Cairo man warns people not to trust
= his wife, and she retorts by saying that
he'll 90 without clothes all summer be-
fore she'll take in washing to rig him out
again.
The humor of the clerks of the Bangor
(Me.) Post-office, finds expression in
sticking a postagestamp on fhe floor and
laughing at the people who try to pick
it up.
Life will seem brighter when it is
known that the Car of all the Russians
picks his teeth with a jack knife, and is
about to go crazy like some of the rest
of US.
An agricultural paper says that kind
words will cure COW of kicking, but
many prefer the old way of mauling the
critter with a fence rail until her heart is
broken.
An Iowa man has invented ten-bar
relied shotgun, and the face of the small
bow who didn't know it was loaded i:
fairly radiant with a hideous leer of sat
isfaction.
Marble men now make small tomb
stones by the quantity, with the epitapt
already cut: Didn't know it was load
ed" They leave blank for the name
and age.
A wicked man in Davenport, being or
his death-bed wished to consult some
proper person regarding his future state
and his friends sent a fire insurance
agent to him.
q A Memphis, Mo-, medium reports lit
tie Charley Ross "all hunk in Paradise.
He's happier there, where Katie Kins
can show him all the nice things Mr.
Owen gave her.
Mr. B. Young, of Salt Lake City. il
sick nigh unto death. Mr. Young is
married man, and we have a great dea
of sympathy for his wife, but not enough
to go around.
The Duluth woman who put the kero
sene can on the stove-hearth while sh,
went out to trade with a peddler, is nov
keeping house in barn, kindly loaned
for the occasion.
A Brockport man dreamed recently
that his aunt was dead, and the dream
proved true He tried the same gam
= with his motber-in-law, but it didn'
work worth a cent.
Toledo. papers announce that there i
plenty of work in that city, but carefully
conceal the fact that said work is sittin
on bench in front of q coal stove AM
wishing it were spring.
And now they say William Penn woult
sit down under tree with Indians abou
him, and, telling them of the bette
world beyond the sea, deal himself fou
aces and win the game.
An inebriate man, walking along tn
street, regarded the moon with sovereig
contempt You needn't feel so proud,
) he said, you are full only once a mont
g and | am every night"
There is none of Gods creatures 70
whom the recording angel reserves a lal
ger share of pity than the man cor