Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-12-16
Ideal COurtship at One-Horse GuIch.

In Bret Harte's new serial story, in
Scr56ner's Monthly for December, the
hero, Gabriel Conroy, gives to his little
sister the following mendacious account
of his visit to the Widow Markle on bust
ness matrimonial
Oily had drawn a small box, her favor
tie seat, between her brothers legs, and
against his waistcoat. When Gabriel had
lighted his pipe at the solitary candle he
gave n or two preliminary puffs and
then, taking the pipe from his mouth,
said, gently:
"Olly, it can't be done"
"What can't be done, Gabe?" queried
the artful Oily, with a swift ~proconcep-
ton of the answer, expanding her little
mouth into a thoughtful smile.
Tibet thing"
What thing, Gabe"
"This yer marryin' O. Mrs. Markle,"
said Gabriel, with an assumption of easy,
business-like Indifference.
Why?" asked Oily.
"She wouldn't hev me-"
What?" said Oily, swiftly facing
round.
Gabriel evaded his sisters eyes and,
looking in the fire, repeated slowly, but
with great frmness:
mo; not fur-fur-fur a giftm
she's a mean, stuck-up, horrid old
thing"' SAID Oily, fiercely. "I'd jest like
to-Wny, thar amt a man az kin compare
with you, Gabe! Like her impudence!o
Gabriel waved his pipe in the air depre-
catingly, yet with such an air of evident
cheerful resignation that Oily faced upon
him again, suspiciously, and asked:
What did she say?"
"She said," replied Gabe, slowly,
" tibet her heart-was-given-to another.
[ think she struck into poetry, and said:
My heart itsis another's
And it never can be thiner
Thet is, [ think so. | disremember her
special remark, Oily; but you know
women alters spout poetry at sech times.
Ennyhow, that's about the way the thing
PANIED out"
Who was it?' said Oily, suddenly.
"She didn't let on who" said Gabriel,
uneasily. q didn't think it the square
thing to inquire"
WELL" said Oily.
Gabriel looked down still more embar-
raised and shifted his position.
"Well,' he repeated.
What did yOu say ?" said Oily.
"Then 90
"No, afore. How did you do it, Gabe ~
SAID Oily, comfortably fixing her chin in
her hands and looking up in Ler brothers
face.
ooh, the usual way!" said Gabriel,
with a motion of his pipe, to indicate
vague and glittering generalities of court
ship.
But how? Gabe, tell me all ab0ut1t."
Well" said Gabriel, looking up at the
roof, "Wimen is bashful ez a general
thing, and thar's about only one way ez a
man can get at 'em, and that is by being
kinder keerless and bold. Ye see, Oily,
when [ KEN inter the house I sorter Jest
chucked Sal under the chin-thet way,
wv NAO' ""N III HNhC up duu put LuJ
arm around the widder's waist, and kissed
her W or three times, you know, Jest to
be amiable and familiar like"
"And to think, Gabe, thet after all that
she wouldn't hev ye," said Oily.
mot at any price," said Gabriel, posi-
lively.
"The ~disgustin' beastm said Oily. "Id
jest like to ketch that Manly hangin' round
yer after tbat!" she continued, savagely,
with a vicious shake of her little fist.
"And just to think, only to-day we give
her her pick o. them pups!"
Hush, Oily, We mustn't do anythin' O.
the Sort" said Gabriel, hastily. eye
must never let on t2 anyone anything. It's
confidence, Olly-confdence, ez these sort
o. things allus is-atween you and me.
Besides" he went on, reassuringly,
that's nothin'. Lor', afore a mans mar
ried he has to go through this kind O.
thing a dozen times. It's expected.
There was a man as | once knowed," con-
tinued Gabriel, with shameless ~mendacity,
g ez went through it fifty times, and he
was a better man nor me, and could shake
a thousand dollars in the face of any wom-
an. Why, bless your eyes, oily, some
men Jest likes tits excitement-like
perspectin'."