The Bossier banner. [volume] (Bellevue, Bossier Parish, La.) 1859-1952, 1875-11-15
THE SADDEST OF ALL.
Waste That vvouIA Have Driven :. Epi.
cure Ma1.


waste That Weula Have Drlven N .Epi.
cure MaA.
St. Louis Republican.
Once in while something happens in
the world, SO far removed from the natural,
proper order Of things, SO thoroughly and
awfully abnormal in its quality, SO COM
pletely preposterous in its consequences,
that the average man can almost weep from
sheer wrath at an evinced disregard of the
eternal properties. They may weep over
this statement Of an actual fact:
In 1853 gentleman, whose name need
not be given, closed up profitable drug
business, and retired upon q deserved com
potency. A taste for the good things of
the world had Unsuccessful business man,
and when he retired he selected from his
stock OF liquors supply of the best, for
private consumption. Rare Bourbon twen-
ty years old, was carefully bestowed in bot
ties and decanters; smooth, oily brandy was
similarly put aside; rich port and brown
sherry and precious cordials were pre-
served with equal care, and when he final
y went out Of business, the gentleman re-
feTred to had in his possession arare lot
OF liquors contained in q variety of
bottles, decanters, jugs and other recep-
tacles.
Then came sudden death. and the
business mans possessions decended to
his kinsfolk. The bottled liquors went
to near relative whose family were not
in the habit of looking upon the wine
when red or any other color, or Of con-
Stunning liquor in any form. The bottles
and decanters and jugs were put away, as
50 much rubbish, in the garnet, and left
undisturbed.
There, in the lonely garret, the liquors
stayed, and the years passed by. The
Bourbon grew richer, the brandy oilier,
the wines more nutty, the cordials more
like the very elixir of life. The ocean
cable became fact, Germany took q
slice Of France and her milliards, Stan
ley found Livingstone, and other great
things happened, and still, by days and
weeks, and months and years, in bottles
and decanters and jugs, hidden away,
half forgotten, in the dusty garret, the
rich Bourbon grew richer, the oily handy
oilier, the nutty wines more nutty, the
precious cordial more like the elixir of
life. Time, the great distiller was doing
his best.
Time still passes, as time always does
and in the household where the liquors
were, the thrifty housewife and her assist
ant daughters kept all things neat and
orderly, and furnished well-provided
table. They do 50 still. It has always
been the custom of these ladies to put up
in autumn large supply of pickles and
preserves and jams and such delicacies,
and while ago they began the usual
work. They had accomplished much,
when at certain stage, with great deal
of fruit on their hands, they found them
selves without bottles to hold the various
essences and extracts and other sloppy
necessaries for the work. Some one spoke
up.
There are 4 lot OF old bottles and Jugs
with nasty liquors in them up in the
garrett" o.
The suggestion was enough; the ukase
was issued by the good mother, and one
was sent to take all the bottles and Jugs
in the garnet and prepare them for use.
They werea all brought down and the con-
tents emptied on the ground in the back
yard, that the vessels might be used for
household purposes!
The English language is very good
language for some purposes, but then.
you know, it is totally inadequate for the
purpose just here.
The thirsty earth drank up the precious
liquor and gave no sign, but had it lips
it would have smacked them; had It ewes
it would have rolled them. The greedy
earth took all, the rich Bourbon, the oily
brandy, the nutty wines, the exquisite
cordials! What an aroma, fit to tickle
the nostrils Of gods upon Olympus, must
have arisen! What delicious agony of
exhalation? The sweet inaudible vail of
q lost spirit! Comprehend it if you can.
Bourbon forty-three years old, other nee
tar as priceless, all cast away as common
stuff, tit not even for beasts that perish
--and no earthquake, no lightning from
the sky, no commissions of nature to pun
ish the thing. "Think of it, drink Of it
(no, you can't drink Of it, because it's
gone), dissolute manp Was ever such
an outrage before?
This is no mere sketch from the imavin-
alton, this is simple statement Of 4 nor
nble fact. is its knowledge not enough
to make the man with organsof taste and
smell q temporary maniac, enough TO
make him want to 60 and dash his head
s against pillar Of iron9 Oh, ghost Of old
| Silenus! g 7EG3 81
Theodore Hook didn't always make
the jokes. Here is one that he heard
he was in stagecoaeh with two inside
passengers, pretty, delicate, young lady
and q plain-faced maid. While the
mistress was at dinner Hook remarked to
the maid in = tone Of great sympathy.