The St. Cloud journal. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1866-1876, 1875-09-16
MIR. STACKS STORY.
WHY IT DIDN'T SUIT.
MAX. ADELEER. :

j >>~'~>>
Stack sent a serial story to the Mo'7,-
ing Argus in our village, and after
waiting awhile and hearing nothing
about it he concluded to call upon
the editor, Col. Bangs, in order to as
certain why that narrative had not
attracted attention. When Stack
mentioned his errand, the Colonel
reached for the manuscript, and look
ing very solemn, he said:
"Mr. Stack, I don't think I can
accept this story. In some respects
it is really wonderful but I am
afraid that, if publish it, it would
attract almost too much attention.
People would get too wild over it.
We have to be careful. For instance
here in the first chapter you mention
the death of Mrs. McGinnis, the
hero's- smother. She dies; you inter
Mrs. McGinnis in the cemetery; you
give an affecting scene at the funer-
al; you run up a monument over
her, and plant honeysuckles upon
her grave. You create in the read
er's mind a strong impression that
Mrs. McGinnis is thoroughly dead.
And yet, over here in the twenty
second chapter, you make = man
named Thompson fall in love with
her, and she is married to him, and
she goes skipping around through
the rest of the story as lively as a
grasshopper, and you all the time al
luding to Thompson as her second
husband. You see that kind of thing
won't do. It excites remark. Read
ers complain about it.
Thunder, you don't say I did
that? Well, now, do you know I
was thinking all the time that it was
Mr.. McGinnis that I buried in the
first chapter! I must have got them
mixed up somehow"
"And then," continued the Colo
mel, "when you introduce the hero,
you mention that he has got but one
| arm, having lost the other In battle.
But in chapter twelve you run him
through a saw-mill by an accident,
and you mention that he lost an arm
there, too. And yet, in the nine
teenth chapter, you say, Adolph
rushed up to Mary, threw his arms
about her, and clasped her to his
BOSOM and then you go on to relate
how he sat down at the piano, in the
soft moonlight, and played one Of
Beethoven's sonatas with sweet, poet
ic fervor.' Now, the thing, you see,
don't hang. Adolph couldn't posi-
bly, throw his arms around Mary, if
one was buried on the field Of battle
and the other was minced up in a
saw.mill; and he couldn't clasp her
to his bosom unless hs. threw lasso
with his teeth and hauled her in by
swallowing the slack Of the rope. As
for the piano-well you know as well
as I do that an armless man can't
play q Beethoven sonata unless he
knows how to perform on the instru-
ment with his nose, and in that case
you insult the popular intelligence
when you talk about sweet, poetic
fervor.' I have my fingers on the
public pulse, and I know they won't
stand it."
"Well, WE'LL" said Stack. II don't
know how I ever came to"
"Let me direct your attention Ia
another incendiary matter" inter.
rupted the Colonel. 'In the first love
scene between Adolph and-and-let
me see, what's her name -Mary-you
say that her liquid blue eyes rested
softly upon him as he poured forth
the story of his love, and its azure
was dimmed by flood Of happy
tears Well, sir, about twenty pages
further on, where the villain insults
her, you observe that her black eyf
flashed lightning at him, and seemed
to scorch him where he stood. Nov
let me direct attention. to the fac,
that, if the girls eyes were blue, ther
7 they couldn't be black and if you
mean to convey the impression tha
she had one blue eye and one blacl
!. eye, and that she had. only looked
softly at Adolph out Of the off eye
while the near one roamed around
not doing anything in particular, why
she is too phenomenal for : novel. ant
only suitable.for place in the me
nagerie by the side Of the fat woman