, 1875-08-29
!HUn1OR.

Ii
q auch dubious Is We would be done by.
II have bought my first las," was the re-
| mark Of cobblsr when be Bet up business for
himself.
A whine from the Eaet-The olaret is still
flowing freely in the Turti.h PROVINCES but the
Porto is very nearly exhausted.
4 Maryland doctor agreed to cure crinT1e by
shaving on haEds." anu failed. Then the friends
OF the cr7pple '1A1d bands on" the doctor, but
it will ba some time before be is cured.
"Some men," said 8 stonemason. s'become
useful citizens, and others become vagsbonds; !;
Just as some slabs OF marble become useful
doo1steps aad others become lying tombstones."
New Haven Conn.,, has cat which goes into
the water and catches hsn, and her proprietor
wants her to have family Of mora OF her
kind. He sees way of kitten living without
much labor.
A Kentucky paner tells how it is ''dowu
thar thus The time has now arrived
when tbs average youth starts out OF an evening
to hunt coons and stops in the arst melon patch
he comes to-"
Office, desires to know whv the police ara not
turned nut in New York and the thieves put in.
That is a1aotly what has been done.-CinclanaA
Commercial {lnd-).
Danbarry has the champion patient bov. lie
comes from chronicaIiy borrowing family. The
sour milk. - haven't GOT anything but ewest
milk, eaid the woman. pettishlY. '1'll salt till
i; sours " said the oblig1ng youth, sinking into
chair.
A ragged little urchiu came to lady's door,
asking Tor old clothes. She brought HIM = vest
aud a pair OF trowseFs, which she thought would
be = comfortable fit. The young scapegrace
took tho garments and examined eaoh then,
with q diecousolate look, said, There amt no
watch pocket"
4 man who cheats in short measure is =
measureless rogue. II IN whisky, then he is q
rogue in spirit. II BY falsfving hig accounts,
then be 10 an unsccountable rogue. II he gives
q bad title to land, then he is rogue indeed. It
he gives short measure In wheat then he is q
rogue in grain.
Prof.. <. in Rochester University insists
strongly On prououpclug final us in Latin like
English oose. Student in recitation, not appre-
cist'ng. the point, eomes upon the word " pro-
ciy)es pronounce the word prof-you-goose Or
prof-you- goose :" Professor, IN rage - Leave
the room instantly, sir !"
''Paps did you see those nice little guns down
to tbs store?" asked little '6-yeaF-old boy.
'.Yes, Harry, saw them. But bave 80 manv
children to feed and clothe that cannot anord
to buy you one" replied bis father, teriouslv.
Little Harry glanced At the baby III the cradle
with no loving expression On his face. Finally
he said: '.Well, papa, III tell you ehat you can
do, you can swap little Tommy Tor gun"
Master Willie (who has just been described by
yis,tur as "Such an intelligent little fellow ny
Papa, has the gen'ium brought my new
boots Z" Papa (who doesn't see what Is comins)
-" Boots, willie Why, what makes you ask !"
Master Willie" Cause, when be came fore you
eald he uas snob and asked Jane what q
'spob' was, and she said shoemaker ?"-Se7.-
sahoi~
Unabridged colored citizens Saturday
had little trouble On the Post Office corner.
Sir I stigumtiZa you as falsehoodier! /" ex-
claimed the first. ''And you, Sir, are csntering
h,pelcrits!" replied the second. "Ahl talk
awayl" erowIed the first; 'tbut my character ia
above disproach." "Apd your Influences don't
detach from my reputation one Iowai" growled
the othsr. And thus they parted.-Letrou Free
Press.
Au old da1key approached vender OF fruit
and asked: ''How much do you AZ for dem
wa,ermlllions, mister 2" "One for two bita-
two for four bts-three for s,x sbilinge-ok q
fae large slice for thE'p OF picayuns! !" ratified
you must think I'm de man what busted do
Freed mans Bank. don't ye Z" and be went Away
without buying any Of the tempting fruit-At-
lanta (Ga.) Constitution.
4 lately-appoioted Postmaster Of = Western
Massachusetts, town csme down to Boston the
other day to Equality and have bis bond for
S6u0 approved. The bond w2s all right, and the
regular queation VAS put to the P, ii. ..Hos
much are you worth, sir p ''WaI," he replied
II don't tell haov much Tn worth. Bradstreet
sets me- At 9lo.o .oQa. Iguess you'd better put it
down at that asest:,". ). "HoT ..9E.s tpuch DO the
don't set me u quits 80 Ligh tgger but iin
oopfldentiAl vh1spsr), tween ron q ma, I NJ oae
r Fthh 4eaeseofxn-Ra&kon TfdnaEr.