The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1875-02-12

rules is the order Of things.
An artist is not so strong as a horse, but
he can draw a larger object.
A true phianthropist and a well-trained
horse always stop at the sound of 10.
The gentleman who was given to under
stand has been returned to the donor.
az have given you an honest opinion,
madam" "Sir, You never had one"
A piano affords a young lady good chance
to show her lingering and her fingar-ring.
The ashes of smoked cigar are little
thought of-those ola man scarcely more.
TO stand well in the community-Wea
broad-soled boots and keep your head cool.
you court laly who has 4 count among
her suitors, you will be probably counted
out.
"Sr, you have broken yoar promise"
ooh, never mind l can make another just
as good"
A farmers family and friends are shocked
by his laziness; his wheat and barley by his
industry.
Matrimonial history is a narrative of many
words; but the story of love may be. told in
few letters.
Every argument in favor Of liquor-drink
ing is like the liquor-drinker himself-it
falls to the ground.
Ifan editor can find nobody that will cred.
it word he says, he may fairly boast that
he has no creditors.
We think that man carries the borrow
ing principle a trfe too far when he asks us
to lend him our ears.
An advertiser in one of the papers says he
has a cottage to let containing eight rooms
and an acre Of land.
Quils are things that are sometimes taken
from the pinious Of one goose to spread the
opinions of another.
''Do you like the piauo?" asked lady OF
a Parisian wit. ~ prefer it to the guillo-
tine" was the reply.
A little boy being asked at school, "What
is the chief end of man ?" answered, "The
end what's got the head on"
When a man is engaged to the aunt of a
little boy in Washington, the little boy calls
that man "my brevet uncle"
A Mssissippian says that great deal of
the land in the State is so poor that not even
disturbance can be raised on it.
Though a man may not like to be talked
about in tho r,o1ars ba would lIt,
rather be an editors subject than surgical
professors.
A young lady says the reason she carries a
parasol is, that the sun ia of the masculine
gender, and she cannot withstand his ardent
glances.
Miss Gilmore was courted by man
whose name was Haddock, who told her that
he only wanted one gill more to make him a
perfect fish.
When a young Yankee who parts his hair
in the middle goes down on an orange peel
nobody seems to care whether he ever gets
up again or not.
In view of the general practices Of coal
dealers, we would respectfully ask if some
means cannot be devised to have them see
the error of their weighs?
A bachelor observed that he would marry
if certain of wife perfectly good. A by
stander begged him to bespeak one, as nont
such were readymade.
Don't be in too great a hurry, girls, to fal
in love with the young men, 1t often hap
pens that your hearts are no sooner their
than theirs are no longer yours,
A counsel being questioned by judge t
know "for whom he was concerned, ," re
piled, 81 am concerned, my lord, for th
plaintiff but am employed by the defend
ant"
A notorious miser, having heard a yer
eloquent charity sermon, exclaimed 9TH
sermon strongly proves the necessity ofalm
have almost a mind to turn-beggar."
A clergyman had milk-white hors
which, on account of his beautiful form, !
called Zion. Having ordered his horse to Il
door, friend asked him where he was goiI
"Why," said he, "to nIoant Zion."
At printers festival, lately, the folio,
ing toast was offered "Womsn-second o
ly to thepress in the dissemination Of news
The ladies are yet undecided whether to I
gard this as a compliment or otherwise.
81 killed niaeiy-aine pigeons at one sh
this morning" said an old fowler. "W
didn't you make it a hundred while you ",
about it?' said his friend. "Do you supp,
/ would tell lie for one pigeon ?" was
reply.
An act of the Kansas Legislature Is said
give mothers the absolute control of tn
children. That is an easy way for the St
to have its families controlled. In too m;
cases the children have absolute control
their mothers.
A dentist in Wisconsin, who kissed
young lady while examing her teeth,
called on by her father with loaded g
and the dentist paid him five hundred {
lars not to fire it off in bis Office, he be
exceedingly sensitive to noise
A wag, on seeing his friend with sor
thing under his cloak, asked him wha
was "a poiniard," answered he. But he
served that il was bottle. Taking it fl
him aud drinking the contents, he retur
It, saying. "There. give you the sssb6
back sgsia."