The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1875-05-06

in there, and it wasn't ma nor the DOCTOR"
Sissy-"Maybe it was the kitten. "-Harper's
BGzdr.
There is lawyer in Akron, Ohio, who,
when he wishes to quote from the Mosaic
law, .says: Snow, your Honor, 1 will read
from the first Egyptian reports"
A member of the North Carolina Legsla-
ture, in discussing bill, asked-"Mr. Speak
er, are we men or jackasses:" Several North
Carolina papers are unable to take sides.
"John! John! wake up, there's a burglar
in the house! said the wife. John sat up
right in bed. NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
glar''-and he rolled over waiting for hard
er word.
He had jockey style Of cap on, a leather
band around his waist, bis trOWsers-legS
tucked inside his boots, and was aged fifteen.
milk and spelling-matches for babies," ex-
claimed he curling his upper lip, "but as for
me, gimme base ball !'-Chicago Erening
Journal.
When a common japanese goes into the
presence of an ofice-holder, he must say:
s'Great and distinguished child of the sun,
deign to put your foot upon my neck"
There's some pleasure in holding an office in
that country.
A Rockford 1ll.) man came home late one
night from the ''club' and raved around with
shotgun because the servant would not let
oho ,bar
"was a young man there" The young man
was two hours old.
A resident of Beaubien street called at the
Central Station yesterday to relate the fact
that his wife had run away.
"Well, We'll try and arrest her." replied
the sergeant, after hearing the particulars of
the case. "That wasn't what l came tori,
said the man, with disappointed look;'
want to have the detectives keep her on the
run !''-DetrOH Free Press.
Different points of view. Maud with
much sympathy in her voice.. "Only fancy,
mamma, Uncle Jack took us to picture gal
lery in Bond street, and there we saw a pic
ture of a lot of early Christians, poor dears,
who'd been thrown to lot of lions and IT,
gers, and were deVouring them" Ethel with
Still more sympathy. eyes, and mamma
dear, there was one poor tiger that hadn't got
Christian p'-Punch
DR.. Bagshawe, the new Roman Catholic
Bishop of Nottingham, England, revived on
Good Friday ceremony in commemoration
of Christ washing the feet of His apostles be-
fore the Last Supper. A dozen boys dressed
in white, and having bare legs, were ranged
iii a row, and the bishop, with great ceremo-
ny, washed each boys foot and then kissed
it.
A Fulton young man who was visiting
abroad came home Saturday, and In the
morning at breakfast remarked, as he reached
his plate over, Father, little of the mix
ture in the brown dish, if you please, and a
small piece of the prepared meat" The old
gentleman, who is a plain, matter of-fact
man, replied, as he loaded up the out
stretched plate, ave like to have you come
a visitin' us, John, but Just remember that
while you're eatn' here, if you want hash,
say so; and if you want sausage, call for
sausage, and not go to spreadin' on any
Brooklyn misery at my table." -Futton1smes.
A gentleman called ON lady one day, and
was told by the servant that she was not at
home. As he turned to 60 out, he caught a
glimpse of her head in mirror through a
halfopen door, An hour afterward he called
on another friend, and found the lady there.
81 have just been to your house," said he,
s'but had not the pleasure of seeing YOU
"Indeed Pm sorry. But went out in great
haste, on business" I'm such haste, l pre-
sumo, that you lett your head behind you,
for saw it in the glass;" ''Did you9 1t is
very possible-I ar. so absent-minded."