Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-08-11
The arrivals of pigtai,s at San
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Lightning rod men have a new
argument: "Spare the rod and spoil
the chimney"
"A favorite tipple in London is an
old and bitter beer kno wn by the nick
name of"Mother-in.law."
-"Who can sound the depths of a
woman's lover" Anybody can. 1t is
just as deep as a mans pocket.
Too many sales con time have
neccssitated the closure of several
Connecticut clock manufactures.
"A Boston man has run for Office
nineteen times, and having never been
elected he talks of Withdrawing his
name.
Don't use soap. A Brooklyn editor
says that it communicates disease by
being made of fat taken from dead
dogs and cats.
The Liverpool Post cstim ates that
the American Rifle Team carries off
$l50,OOO from Ireland in bets alone.
That comes of their being better shots.
Winchester, Va, which was taken
and retaken seventy-two times during
the war, has not varied a hundred in
population in twenty-five years.
Fully two-thirds Of the letters
which reach the dead-lettcr Office get
there because women have an insane
desire to write beautiful fine hand.
"A Fond du Lac widow, bereavcd
q few weeks ago, felt the loss of her
husband SO kcenly that abe refused to
wear anything but black domino to the
masquerade last week.
Reading (Pa.) boasts Of a society
of about dozen ladies', married and
single, who assemble twice a week at
one OF the slaughter houses in that
city. and quaif the blood of steers that
are killed there.
The gross earnings Of the big st.
Louis bridge for the past year, were
$286, 600, and its expenses $9S,OOO
There remains, therefore, only $lSS,
600 to pay the interest on the 81, OOO,
600 which it cost.
Ono of the oldest, ablest, and best
known members of the Suffolk, Mass,
bar, once dryly said that there was no
such thing as knowing what law was
until the supreme court had had its
opportunity to guess at it."
When Duluth woman wants to
know why in the blszes her husband
didn't order the wood, he looks at her
in chilling, dignified way and re.
plies: II do not wish to 70 to the
Black Hills, but do not press me-do
not arouse the tiger!" III
Mr.. Gwynn of Virginia is dead
His last memorandum provided that
he should be buried with his head
eighteen inches higher than his feet
that his cane and sheepskin should be
placed In tho coffin with him, and that
the coffin should be carefully wrapped
in q blanket.
-"My Dear" inquired q young wife
of her husband, 40 che reached up her
little mouth for q kiss on his return
from business, "have you seen the
magnificent set of walnut furniture
which the Jenkinses have bought ?'
elem, no, my love but I have seen
the bill, which quite satisfies me-"
An inquisitive chap stepped into q
marble shop the other day, where
Smith was about completing the sculp-
ture of lamb. "Did you cut out that
animal ?"asked the Interrogation point;
"Oh no." said Smith, "thc lamb has
been there all the time; l only took
the marble from around him-that's
ALL"
Justice Is administered with con.
siderable dignity, it appears, in Water
town. Wis. A Justice of tho Peace
engaged in fight with an old woman
there the other day, and fired at her
with shotgun, while she in turn
pummeled his head with hammer
until they were separated by by
ISLANDERS.
Am ola LADY, observing - sailor 90
by her door, and supposing 1t to be her
son Billy, cried out to him, "Billy, Bill
ly, where has my COW gomez" The
sailor replied in a contemptuous man
ner, "Gone to the devil, l suppose
well, a. you are going that way" re-
piled the old lady, II wish you would
just let down the bars"
AN OhlO paper says that baby in
Findlay, that State, whose mother was
q great croquet player, has a perfectly
shaped mallet on it's arm. Yes, and
we warrant that il that young one gets
grown up little and ever comes
whining around for gingerbread when
that mother is in the midst of an in
teresting game, it will get perfectly
shaped mallet on its head.
For ten or twelve evenings past a
young man with red hair and q sad
look has called at the post-office and
asked for mail from the West Disap-
pointment after disappointment await
ed him, and last night when the clerk
said Nothing" in his calm monoton.
GUS voice, the young man turned
away, shook his fist in the air and
muttered: II sent her two Scent
stamps in that letter asking for her
hand, and if she doesn't answer by to-
morrow night I'll know that she's .
mercenary hypocrite!"