Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-01-27

had bargained for. and he began at
once to paddle off. After a few in
quiries as to the judges ancestry, and
their residence, etc.
81 think, judge" said he, 81 was
mistaken. We are of quite different
families, and not at all related"
"Ah " says the judge, sis that so p
''Oh yes, said he, "there is no mis-
take about it. >
"Well, replied the Judge, in a very
emphatic tone, 'Tm glad to learn that
very glad. should hate awfully to
be related to a man mean enough to
attempt to influence a court as you
have l''-Bench and Bar.
SPRIGGISs was sitting before the fire
in the library when the telegram came
announcing the sudden death of his
mother-in- law. IG was five o'clock in
the afternoon, and Mrs. Spriggins was
out visiting. He sat still moment,
with his hands clasped tightly together
as if in prayer. Suddenly he jumped
up, seized his hat and rushed to the
nearest telegraph Office. He sent a
message to Boston (where the mother
in-law resided) and waited in the Office
for an answer. In half an hour the
machine on the table went click, clack,
clack, click. ''Never mind writing it
out" said Spriggins to the operator,
''read it aloud if it is for me-" And the
operator read slowly: No, there is no
mistake. To-day at one. Laid out.
Funeral, Friday" Mr.. Spriggins ran
home like deer. His wife had returned
and was in the parlor. "Jane, "
screamed Spriggins, now strangely eI-
cited, Jane, boo-ray. good news, Jane,
your mother is dead" and he began,
all by himself, in the centre of the
room, the juvenile game and chorus,
beginning "Now we go round the null
berry bush, The mulberry bush," etc.
An ARIZONA paper says Recently
a young Indian, one of the fanciest
dressed of his tribe, came to town with
the wages of a weeks work in his
pocket, and sought out the different
stores to find some article that would
add to his fine appearance. He ex-
amined many styles and colors of scarfs,
handkerchiefs and blankets. By and
by his fancy was arrested at the sight
of new style hat. 1t was Just exactly
what he wanted-a hat with feather
and bird in it. He bought if eagerly,
and went off happy in the possession of
"A ladies' hat of the period.
A GENTLEMAN having remarkably
long visage, was one day riding by Mr..
Whyte's school at Dublin, at the gate
of which he overheard young Richard
Brinsley Sheridan say, THAT gentle
mans face is longer than his hfe."
Struck by the strangeness of the re-
mark, he turned his horses head, and
requested its meaning. Sir" said the
boy, 81 meant no offence in the world
but | have read in the Bible at school
that mans life is but a span, and L
am sure your face Is double that
length" The gentleman threw the lad
sixpenee for his wit.
FREDERICK the Great was very fond
of disputatiOn but as he generally
terminated the discussion by collaring
his antagonist aud kicking his shins,
few of his guests we're disposed to enter
the arena with him. One day, when he
was more than usually disposed for an
argument, he asked one of his suite
why he did not venture to give his
opinion on some particular question.
at is impossible, your Majesty" was
the reply, ito express an opinion be-
fore sovereign who has such strong
convictions, and who wears such very
thick boots"
A YOUNG gentleman, celebrated for
his Wit at college, was asked by his
father for a specimen of his talents,
while entertaining party of friends at
vacation. The scholar knelt upon the
hearth and roared Justify twice, to the
great surprise of the old squire, who
asked him what he meant by that.
"Why, sir" replied the son, seeing the
fire so low, L thought it might be better
for pair of bellows"
IN A RECENT lecture at Augusta, Ga,
Raphael Semmes, the ex-admiral, ex-
planned why sailor calls a ship "she."
First, because she always looks best
when freshly painted second, because
she always puts her best foot foremost
when she has on new sails third, be-
cause she always looks well when in
stays and fourth, because she always
brings home news from abroad.
A RURAL paper observed, with great
facility of expression: ''These noon
light nights All by how many a
vine embowered gate soft eyes look
love to eyes that speak again, and the
pressure of tiny hand in a huge mas
culine paw wakes to ecstacy the living
liar"
A FORTY day husband, on whom the
memory of the honeymoon already
seems to have become powerless, wants
to know why his wife is like q small
pie. Do you give it up? Answer
Because, says the ,unfeeling wretch,
"she is now little tart u
FRANKIE (aged our)-''Mamma a
lady at school kissed me to-day"
Mamma-''Did she, dearP i hope
you kissed her back"
frankie Gndlgnantly)-"kissed her
back mol L didn't. L kissed her
cheek y
JONES got his ears frost bitten, last
evening, while on the way to call on
young lady, and she had to rub them
in order to thaw them out. He says he
likes this cold weather, it's so healthy
and bracing.
A PETRIFIED negro was lately found
in a garret over a law Office in village
in Mississippi. 1t was supposed that
he undertook to study law, and became
absorbed in Blackstone.
DoUBLY quick doubiy quick, my