River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-06-11
MISCELLANY.
A Place where All the Comforts and
Luxuries Can BE Enjoyed.
The SuITEM HOUSE,
STRIVE & SWEET, Proprietors,
CAp0N Arrorrc GpprNoS Npxv Vnnrr

The SuITEM House,
STRIVE & SWEET, Proprletors,
SAPoNACEoUs SPRINGS, NEW YORK.
This hotel has been built and arranged
for the special comfort and convenience
of summer boarders. On arrival each
guest will be asked how he likes the stu
alton, and if he says the hotel ought to
have been placed upon the knoll or fur
Their down toward the village. the location
of the house will be Immediately changed.
Corner front rooms up only one flight for
every guest. Baths, gas, water-closet, no.
and cold water, laundry, telegraph, restau-
rant, fire-alarm, bar room, daily paper,
coupe, sewing machine, grand piano, a cler.
gyman, and all other modern convenient.
ces, in every room. Meals every minute
ii desired, and consequently no second
table. English, French and German die.
tionaries furnished every guest to make
up such bill of fare as he may desire,
without regard to the bill affair after
ward in the office. Walters of any ma
tionality and color desired. Every wal
ter furnished with libretto, button hole
bouquet, full dress suit, ball tablets, and
his hair parted in the middle. Every
guest will have the best seat in the dining
hall and the best waiter in the house.
Any guest not getting his breakfast
red-hot, or experiencing a delay of six
teen seconds after giving his order for
dinner, will please mention the fact at
the Office, and the cooks and walters will
be blown from the mouths of cannon in
front Of the hotel at once. Children will
be welcomed with delight, and are re.
quested to bring hoop-sticks and hawkeys
to bang the carved rosewood furniture
especially provided for that purpose, and
peg.tops to srin on the velvet carpets
they will be allowed to bang on the piano
at all hours, yell in the halls, slide down
the bannisters, fall down stairs, carry
away dessert enough for small family
in their pockets at dinner, and make
themselves as disagreeable as the fondest
mother can desire.
Washing allowed in rooms, and ladies
giving an order to "put me on a flat-iron"
will be pvt on one at any hour of the
day or night. A discreet waiter who
belongs to the Masons, Odd Fellows and
Knights Of Pythias, and who was never
known to even tell the time Of day, has
been employed to carry milk punches
and hot toddies to ladies' rooms in the
evening.
Every lady will be considered the belle
Of the house, and row boys will answer
the belle promptly. Should any row boy
fail to appear at guests door with
pitcher of ice water, more towels, gin
cock tail, and pen, ink and paper before
the guests hand has left the bell.knob,
he will be branded "Front" on the fore.
head and imprisoned for life.
The Office clerk has been carefully Sc
lected to please everybody, and can lead
in prayer, play draw poker, match worst.
ed at the village store, shake for the
drinks at any hour, day or night, play
billiards, good waltzer, and can dance
the German, make fourth at euchre,
amuse children, repeat the Beecher trial
from memory, is good judge Of horses,
as railway and steamboat reference is
far superior to Appleton's or anybody
else's guide, will tirt with any young
lady, and not mind being cut
down when 'pa comes down.
moro than a Connecticut river. Can
room lofly people IN the pest room IN the
house, when the hotel is full, attend 10
the annunciator and answer questions in
Greek, Hebrew, Choctaw, Irish, or any
other polite language at the same moment
without turning hair.
Dogs allowed in any room in the house.
including the w(h)ine.room. Gentlemen
can drink, smoke, swear, chew, gamble,
stare at the new arrivals, and indulge in
any other innocent amusement common
to watering places, in any part Of the
hotel. The landlord will always be happy
TO hear that some other hotel is "the best
house in the country" Special attention
given to parties who can give information
as 70 how "these things are done ia
Yewrup." The proprietor will take it as
apsrbonal affront If any guest on leaving