Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1875-01-23
THINGS GENERALLY.
BY MAX ADELER.


My life insurance agent. Benjamin. r.
Gunn' 10 whom have alluded AT length la
my book, is still around, AMI he IL Stili can
V. sstng actively for his company \ day or
Two ago ne dropped In 10 persuade Mr.. Pat
N an 10 tax out n policy, and the following
CnverSatiOn enSutSi:
Gunn-''l called -
Pitman-O GIT OUT I don't want % y,
bpared about life insurance"
Junn-''I just dropped in 70 see tt
iltmsn--l know you did. ani 1 don't
want any. You can't insure me-
Gunn-''H you viii permit me leUciv
to"
Pitman-"But won't permit yoa skip
This il the sixteenth time you've tackIed
me, and I'm SICK OF IL. | amt AGING 10 in
| suTc my life. That's settled
Quinn - You misunderstand me. judge.
called To- ascertain az yOU are a msmbor %
the Peace Society"
| Putnam am"
| Gum thought 80. And % course Won
are willing 10 help along any scheme which
| Will pUt an end 10 war AMI murteSs'
| Pitman--.' Certainly"
| Gunn--'' Wen. then, Just iiStea To me. l
am acting i'm behalf OF your society 1 have
| on hand n magnificent plan foT producing
| permanent peace on earth aud IN ing srraies
useless. Why did Cain kilt Abel -
Putnam dunno"
Gum" Because he hsI no particular IN
tereet in keeping him alive. That's the res-
| son. Why dad David bang tinliah. way did
| the Romans butcher the CarthagenianS; WHY
did the ModocS XIII Gen Candy. why did old
| what's -his.namc burn Ridley aad Lstimer at
| the stake pc
Piunan.-'.Hanged if know"
Why. because IL wasn't money ia
| the other chaps walking around enjoying
| life. DO you suppose Brutus would have
| stabbed Caesar II Cs'sar'S death would a kept
/ Brutus haDi up for market money Not
| much, he wouldn't. DO you believe Wise
| would a hung old John Brown IL ohn'> death
| would a forced Wise 10 borrow money 20 bay
| boots"
Pitman.-"May Toe he wouldn't"
QUINN Wei, tncn, look "A n re. SupD0>e
| you was policy holder in a Mutual Life In
| surance Company. wouldn't 10 reduce your
4 dividends if you was to Kill another member,
| and wouldn't you do your terrific bc,t 10
| keep that member alive?'
Pitman.-''St ke> M / would"
Gunn--"Ot course. Now, what am ainl-
| ing at Is 10 gather the entire cyilizeI earth -
| the whole human famjiy-into our company.
| SOS that all hands Will he perfectly Wild to
| keep everybody else alive. When this IL
| done YOU can beat your sword into spears
| ami your piowShare> into prJning-hO Dk>. for
| there IL he no more war. Don't yOu see. I'm
| not working for paltry commis> ion OF two
| Ii IL labor oI love. I'm trying u elevate
| the race and promote Christian civilization.
Pittman.-''It never struck me that way"
/ GUnn-''AnyhOw, its So And ask you, as
| n member OF the Peace Society, to enroll
| your name among those who are carrying on
| tnlS great work. Terms a. low as any other
| company. and dividends payable Semi-an-
| nuaily. Unborn genera tions will rise up aud
| call you blessed. We make our policies pay
| able al any age, or viii put in the IOntiue,
| and you'll dry the widows tears and hush
| the cry Of the orphan. Go in for i've thou
| sand dollar policy, and 1 assure you that the
| glad hOSannaS of the white-rObed angel OF
| Peace once more will resound from the star
| ~ vaults OF heaven, and over the smiling
| earth the songs of love will still the clangnr
| OF the war-hOfSa anu the boom OF cannon
| and man once more will know the felicity of
| Paradise. Lemme see; how Old are you?''
Pltman-"Im fOrty-fOUT i'm February. Put
| me down for five thousand payable nj sixty
| years OF age. Call in the morning with the
| papers, and I'll sign EN-"
| Gum" Good day. I'm OF. I've got an
| engagement with Cooley a. eleven, and I'm
| anxious to keep it. I've haunted him for two
| years now, and he has succumbed."
| Colonel Bangs Of the Argus in not much
| OF classical scholar, but his ignorance does
not embarrass him. The other day some
| body wrote To AK him to please explain in
the AIytLS the meaning of the phrase tn 81
nc sss adter se7ttios, and Bangs responded in
| his editorial columns as follows:
/ The meaning OF the quotation is obvious
| to the intelligent reader at a glance but
tree translation of il may be given as follows:
| To 81 Hicks sister, letter l have sent"
That Is to say, that the writer remarks that
| he has sent letter To the sister of Josiah
| Hicks. We give this explanation willingly
| but al the same time we would protest
against the continual use of these French
| words and phrases by writers of the English
| language. They are doing much 10 corrupt
| that beautiful and mellow tongue.
Il think l am on the track of another sub
| sidy scandal which throws that affair Of the
| Pacific Mail into the shade. The Gander
L
canal between Philadelphia and Reading.
Two years ago there Were but three boats on
the line, each painted black. and worked by
| two brown mules. Last year the captain of
one of the vessels, the - Roaring Maria OF
| Manayunk," spent week in Harrisburg
| and the day after he left the legislature APP
| propriated $500 To - improvements OF Inland
| Travel. month later new boat was put
| Oh the line, the - Roaring Maria" and her
| consorts had their state-roogns luxurousy
| carpeted and their sides strcakei with red
/ and crpaln-cDlOrAl mule
| the lead OF tie team Of the q" Sylphide." It
| was also observed that the President of
| the Gander line Knocked Off from plug to-
| 6acco and began on "A costly brand of fine cut.
/ These evidences of the acquSit ion of sudden
| wealth, alone would induce suspicion that
/ something il rotten. but the evidence becomes
| overwhelming when ] add. that in making
preparations for the annual regatta. i'm which
the Gander line runs races against the Con
ShOhOchen Eevelee" and other boats of the
Scooter line, he has Just paid 500 for an ad-
| Unstable gunpOwder detonator, warranted to
give six explosions minute, which he pro-
poses TO adjust upon the tail of the cream
ColOred mule aforesaid for the purpose ofani-
mating IL with enthusiasm. When 1 tell you
that the captain, while in Harrisburg. cen
tinually slept with the legislator who pushed
that bill through, and on one occasion wore
his socks, you will perceive that am on the
trail of one OF the darkest and most infamous
cases of legislative corruption that ever
blackened the pages Of American political
history. L will blow the Roaring Maria"
and the Gander line out Of the water before
the affair ends.
Il see in some OF the papers that Prince
DemetriuS TschawtSchawadZe has been ar
rested in Moscow, for swindling. 1 feel no
particular interest in the prince, and am in
different to his antecedents, but as mere
matter of curiosity. ] really would like TO
know whether he marked that name on his
shirts by beginning at the lower end and
working up 10 the collar, or whether he ran
ii cat-a-cornered across the back. Imagine
such a name on an umbrella handle, 1t
would hang over the ferule.-Datb'ay Netcs.
Frosted Plants.
Mr.. James Hogg. in the December Garden,
has the following, which may be seryiceable
to some of our readers at this season:
Winter is now fairly upon us, and we may
expect accidents by the frosting OF plants in
our greenhouses and dwellings. Scarcely a
winter passes but some of our gardening ac-