The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-11-05
WIDOW STACY,S HEIFER.


Mr.. SOper-s Unfortunate Attempt to
AmuSe His Sick Wife
Mr.. Sopers wife has been very sick
for some weeks, but, although ex-
tremely reduced in body and mind,
there, is still enough of the true woman
remaining in her, which led her last
Monday, in faint whisper, to ask her
husband, who had entered the sick
room with a funeral cast Of features,
what was the news.
"Well," answered Mr.. Soper, sitting
uneasily down on the extreme edge of
a chair and balancing his hat on his
fingers by the brim, there amt nothin'
to speak of n p'ticler. Spose you
heard of Miss Coles death; she was
taken the same time you was.
{" | should think, James" said Mrs.
Soper, with a feeble emphasis, "that
if you could not find something more
cheerful to say to your poor, sick wife,
you'd hold your tongue"
"Cert'nly," said Mr. Soper, meekly,
he continued, looking thoughtfully into
the crown of his hat as if he had a re-
served fund therein, you heard bout
Marthy Carriers breaking her leg?"
a snappish nod of the head from
the invalid signifed to Mr.. Soper that
he was on dangerous ground, but after
moments reflection he frightened
visibly as he said: & You orter ben to
town meetin' a Monday. The towns
voted to have a new hearse, an Inever
was so glad of anythink in my life"
James Edward Soper," whispered
his wife, with a painful intensity, "be
you natral born fool, or be you a
lookin forrard to getting rid Of me%
As the latter view had never pre-
scented itself to Mr.. Soper in the light
of his wife's inquiry, he looked very
much subdued, and scratched his head
with an air Of painful abstraction as
Mrs. Soper said again with a fearful
voice:
ooh, you en- 90. If you can't spare
few moments to sit with me an ies'
give me some little interestin' news
l don't want YOU to stay agin your IN
cIination, she continued with the sigh
Of martyr.
Mr.. Soper hastily expressed his viii
lingness to remain and desire to please,
so after a brief interval Of thought he
continued rehectively:
"WelI, femme think. | was over
to the wilder Stacy's las night to see if
| couldn' make a trade for a jersey
hetter, an | tell you, Myria, said So
per, enthusiastically, "if she amt a
hansum critter, | never see one"
An Ominous light appeared in Mrs.
Soper's sunken eyes, and if her husband
had been Observing close, he would
have seen a restless motion OF the
hands indicative of an apparent desire
to make a personal attack upon some
one or something, but he saw nothing
and continued:
"She's jest about the right size, an
her skin as white as snow. She's got
the pootiest legs" continued the unre-
fleeing Mr.. Soper, with a descriptive
motion of the hand, "an' when you
commence to talk about shape-why,
Mira" said Mr.. Soper, rising from his
chair in his warmth, "she'll measure
two feet across the breas-"
The scream which came from the
afflicted invalid at this junctlTe was of
such piercing shrillness that Mr.. Soper
placed his fingers in his ears, and Mrs.
Sopers mamma, who was in the next
room, appeared on the scene in the
twinkling Of an eye.
ooh, you awful brutew she ex-
claimed as she bathed her daughters
brow with hair oil in mistake for cam
phor, while the wretched man feebly
endeavored to explain that he was only
telling Mrs. Soper about a jersey heifer
that he was going to buy.
There, ma" said Mrs. Sopcr, with
Il gasp, Pm better now"
YOU'D better leave the room" said
the matron, with a world of significant
wrath in her eye, and the unfortunate
Mr. Soper departed, muttering, rs he
slammed the outside door behind him,
that he'd be master in his own house
some day; but he hasn't been yet, for
Mrs. Soper has recovered, and her
mother has taken up a permanent res
idence with them.
To this day they don't speak to the
widow Stacy, and Mr.. Soper's reit-
Grated explanation has always been re.
ceived in digniied and incredulous