Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-10-20

HUn0AouA
A Too Gallant CoRdxct0r.-Conductor
B. is always very polite to the ladies.
All Conductors are polite to ladies',
particularly 30 provided they are young
and handsome, Miss c. was handed
on board at the station as carefully az
though she was "elass-tO be handled
with care" An extra seat was turned
over on the shady side of the car, and
the conductor took q seat by her side
to do the agreeable, having met Miss
c. on the train before. Presently,
as matters were going along nicely. an
old man in his shirt sleeves half threw
into the seat in front, which
the conductor had unlocked and turned
over for the benefit of the parties more
concerned. Mr.. b =
spoke up sharply: Go away from
here.r But the old man didn't go. Con-
ductOr says, still more sharply. go
away, or I'll make YOU" But still no
go, while vacant, provoking smile sat
upon the face of the intruder. Where
upon Conductor B. grasped the old
farmer by the nape of the neck. AT
the same time the young lady grasped
the arm of the conductor, exclaiming,
.Please don't, Mr.. B. This Is my
father.'
Ever since Conductor B. always
asks young ladies if they are travelling
alone.-Harper's Magazine.
Presently a red-faced. frowsy Irish
woman got in, with q big market
basket. When the conductor came
she gave him five cents, and
he said, "Fare, six cents.n ''I'll not give
it to yees," she said: ye've no right to
ask me more nor they do on the other
cars" "Six cents. or Ill put you off,"
said the conductor, quietly. PUT me
of, thin; Ill not pay six cints." just
at that moment another passenger
handed him fare, and he took up the
thing conductors carry
now to mark the fare, and she had
evidently never seen one. 80, bedad."
she shrieked. don't shute; I'll give
yees the other clint !" and then her look
of fright changed to one of astOnish-
ment at the roar of laughter that fol-
lowed; but she paid the other "cint."-
american Grocer.
Reason for RGOicing.-Miggs went
out on the front porch and gazed after
his wife; then he sat down on the front
steps, rocked to and fro, scrambled his
hair, and laughed as though Mrs. NJ.
had gone down and left him in charge
of her Mysteries.
whats the matter, old bOyf"
"lt's the best style ont. | hope it'll
last a hundred years!n
"What style is that n
"Didn't you meet her !" Look at her
yOnder with that ere tied back on,
tipping along like sixty. l guess she
won't knock me down now, and reach
for these grizzled locks to mop the floor
with. l can't be did in that 'ere rig,
you bet! High diddle deep
And we really felt like rejoicing with
the martyr Miggs in his new found
When a yOungster wishes to trick the
whole family at once, he does it by
abruptly asking, at the table. Say. pa,
We know that old man that lives up on
the DOdgetOwn road ?" Then there is
a general opening of mouths, and pa
and all the rest bend forward with
eyes and want to know "Nhy,
what's the matter with him !" The boy
allows them to reach the height of I'M
patient interest in the matter, when he
cody announces: "NOthin', pa; only
wanted TO know if you knew him
that's ALL" And "the little upstart-
catches up his hat and rushes out the
house with a chuckle, while all sorts of
appellatiOns indicative of disgust follow
him from all around the table. In less
than week he will do it again.-Dan-
bury Ners.
The HumOrs of Bad Eaglish.-Mr.
Moon has written a new
work on bad English. Some of the
errors which he esinglesOutar are decidedly
For example:
A furrier lamentiDg, in an advertise
ment, the tricks played on the public
by an unprincipled man, in his own
trade, earnestly requests ladies to bring
to him their skins, which he promises
shall be converted into muffs and bOas.
Another advertisement ran thus:
1.-Two sisters want Washing
Here must have been a strange sight:
HE rode to town, and drove twelve
COWS on horseback"
A gentleman advertised for horse
for lady of a dark color. a good
trOtter, and having long tail"
LOred Him AnyhOr.-First Lady
'They say you are engaged. Flora; tell
me, do you love him, and was he in the
army N
Second Lady-"Oh, yes, of course
love him, and he was in the armv."
First Lady-"Well. tell me, there's a
dear. was he in the cavalryf do Oadore
those dashing cavalryment
Second Lady-"Well, no; he wasn't
in the cavalry"
First Lady-"In the artillery '-well,
hats the very next in my opinion
but an infantry officer is good enough
Il you love him-very much"
Second Lady-Well, l really don't
'hink he was any of these believe he
was what is called q suffer-"
Theodore Hook didn't always make
he jokes. Here some thath heard: He
was in stage coach with two inside
q pretty, delicate young
ady and q plain-faced maid. While
he mistress was at dinner, Hook re-
marked to the maid, in a tone of great
Your young lady seems
very unwell." "Yes, sir; she suffers
'adly." Consumption. should fearf"
NO, sir; am sorry to say it is the
leart." "Dear me! Aneurism 7" "Oh,
10, sir! it is only lieutenant i'm the
navy"
The DifereRce.-A Paris paper prints
his as wit and truth: "The other day
Alexander Dumas and his little
laughter six years old were about to
ret into a carriage. Suddenly the child
aid: Papa, what is the difference
a man and woman !" dumas,
! little surprised, replied withOdt hesi-
alton: My little one, it is very simple
J woman on a railroad has always too
much baggage"
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