The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-09-04

Inc uTeaulul UI5CONcIy HAS pSch mouS sh"' VAN
parti-colored stockings now so much In style
are poisonous-a fact to which the attention Of
amatiye clergymen and Others who have pro-
pensity for handling hose ought TO be specially
called. .r....
An exchange says that kissing bees ore the
latest. There is considerable sweetness in them"
All right; but be sure you're not at the wrong
end Of the bee; then 90 ahead with your kiss
ing II you want TO-
Who'd live In Vermont! Why, they fine boy
three dollars In that State for tying an oyster
can TO q dogs tail, and red dog and o small can
at that.
Babies are described as coupons attached to
the bonds Of hatrinony.
aThe Chicago Times has the following lines on
the demise OF well-knoun Cinclnnatian:
Lsy his wsxen hoofs together,
Fold his large and spreading ears;
He has gone to blend his gee-haw
With the music OF the spheres.
What Is Wednesday Night without a mass
meeting! What Is corned beef without cabbage
What is an issue Of the streator Xonitor without
weather prediction and two.column editorial
on cows! We pause to wipe our reeking brow
and await an answer.
Thompson, the photographer, says the inven-
ton OF taking photographs without pain,
works well for the sitter, but it strains An in.
strumsnt fearfully.
While 81. Louis man was at breakfast with
his family the other morning, two former wives
dropped in on him quite informally with pc
lceman. 1t was misty around that house for a
IT, I,. lion nYna nv ah hn
saw as biga-mist In his entire experience.-N. y
Com. ADJ
The Iowa editor who woke up in the morning
70 find prepared article on Hernia" headed
"Herrin," sought the Intelligent Composition
forthwith and inaugurated the worst case Of
rupture on record.
Bank burglars have had such q poor time OF
late that they are downcast and discouraged, and
some Of them talk Of studying law in order to
get living.
There is TO be burgoo out in Brown county
in few weeks. burg0o consists OF squirrel
soup, few games OF old sledge under the trees
and enough old Bourbon to make the occasion
interesting. burgoo would be just the thing
for the PRESIDENT (IA) Herald.
A son OF Sir James Hogg has purchased the
devoting 1t to religious work. He should send
for DR.. Bacon and lot him do porcine OF the
work
The London B1ncet says that no person should
cit for more than half an hour S'posen fellow
is sitting on the sofa with his girl, is he going tc
be particular to minute!
The Chicago Times seems TO think It was RICH
for Sir Douglas Forsyth to remove his boots IL
honor TO the King of Burmah. or course |
Sir Douglas had been Chicago man he woul(
not only have removed his own boots but h,
would have removed those Of His Majesty-a
soon SIS His Majesty was fairly asleep.
Louisville love talk: "When Philander toll
rae he lovt me, was nightly Tux with it, anC
cettonen to him directly, and he sat q grlnning
like baked skunk"
With her eyes upturned and dying,
Loving ones walked up and kissed her.
Then she said TO mother, slghng,
give my filter TO my sister"
when Pm ready, send me of In
Splendid style, and put my sash on;
Pin me back write on the coffin,
Lived and died in latest fashion"
-Ledgr,
Cambridge Is proud OF young woman SO ii
nocent and pure minded that she remarked t
her intended the day previous to their marriage
Now mind! / won't have baby brought int
the house,
Here is genuine obituary poem, taken d
rectly from the Ledger. It relates TO a little gr
seven weeks old, who has become an angel:
he sin nor care can reach her now
An angels crown Is on her brow,
We would not call her back again,
Gar less 10 her eternal gain
Gone 70 meet her brother Dayey.
Tie T~s.tn tHass.) Gaa,ie tells Of youn
MAJ VIE recently conceived the brilliant idea
JsppinA the question by postal card. Accorc
inEly he dispatched one 10 the idol Of his hear
esahaE iap his name and the character"
His fas'iaSp 60 be imagined on receiving b
Isnrs - 4 oasd inscribed most energeticall
-" Tha lAst seen he had checked his coils
bsI for Chieass, and was lnquiring the price
hrosgA tAk4s - the West
4 seritfS young lady Ia In the service
Lckle 49,, % sae Of the postal cArs Of the Oh
OAse sd Alior rs&x0AA. She Is lovely femal
AAl agent
The Rszten RSeord takes fret money on obitI
airy poetry. The lns; verse aruns thus:
IL is consumption have got,
by longs are growing weak
ss1Aet stand, I cannot walk
And soon shall cease 10 SPEAK
IN this ] will my life explain
With truth In every letter
never shall be well again,
ADo ne hopes Of bong better.