, 1875-10-17

/ ~~~~--
| Sently expacted that his trained intallect ane
studious habits will secure for the Church sum-
lar results to those that SO slgnall9 folso"ea @ne
| labors of his predecessors. Mr. ADAMS WILL &C
! cupy the pulpit in Centonary Church this mora'
| ing and evening.
PIOUS JOKES.
| No boy has fulfilled his earthly mtsalon til
he has given some one cayenne lozenge II
church.
| 1.-THE frankincenBe Of the 'rovivallsts The
ooor Of 6ankeyty-"-Neu York Graphic Oh
myrrhderl
| 4 hasty Christian near Britton, Ind, was &C
| alarmed lest ha should be late to church LAST
| Sunday that he clnbbed his poor old blind horse
to death in his efforts to make him 60 faster.
| A Western critic objects to female barberf
- On account Of the disastrous shave which Mrs
| Samson gave her husband" It's very NEAR
to keep raking up these little bits OF unpleasant
| ness
The Cipcinuah Enquirer thinks that Eve mus'
! hare been q very unhappy woman- There was
no other woman to pass her on the street that ahe
| might look around and see how TINT dress fitted
in the back!
A clergyman OF Troy has decided that for sac
ramental purposes '' wine " shall be held to meau
grape jelly, 40 that between the communion and
ihe sermon his congregation uiay quote Horace
! Jam cino, jam soza1ao."
| EVERYBODY knows that lifs is battle, but
everybody does not know that there IS Patcho-
pue man 40 wicked that the deacons Of his
Wlfe's church have advised him to repeat the
Lords Prayer at least a dozen times q day, III
order to keep out OF the penitentiary-
An Englishman WAS boaaing to 8 Yankee that
they had book in the British Museum which
| was once owned BY Cicero. 40, that amt
| nothin'," retorted the Yankee; ''in the museum
| in Bostlng they've got the taad-pencll that NoAh
used to check OF the animals that went into the
! ark
| a little Boston boy was sitting by window,
| the other evening. looking at the ssara as they
came ont, one by one. After gazing . few min
| fnger-nall!" He referred 10 tho moon, which
was 10 the quarter and had just appeared over
| the hill.
When young man capszes on peach-skin
in full view Of . group OF young ladies at win
| dow opposite, tho expression OF his face ia not
like that of Ajax defying the lightning, but
| rather like that OF one who 1eeIs as IT. he would
| like to 70 aud SIT down IN ths amen corner Oh
| Methodist church.
The way they resign in .' Ole Virginny N: !:
| ssWha1 can we lind trstrate now minister ?"
inquired deacon Of a colofed church in Virginia
of q brother darkeg the other day :. Why,
thought you had one" replied the friend SO
/ we has" continued the lnky deacon, - but We 8
/ jus sent him in his resignation."
The question il again agitated, "Shall women
| be permitted to pa-s the hat ID our churches :"
Granted that it is her right, but must protest.
It is in some measure financial question. We
are giving thirds Of our salary to the church
| es now, and does generous public want Us to
| atarve to death ?-Rocfaesler Democrat
1 f77t.. 61Io 1xrnw ~.
dlstrious son of the forest is engaged in chop
ping the Repiefte's winter supply Of wood. and on
| Saturday he was asked the question, Work to-
morrow, Jim ? mo, be replied; .me no work
to-morrow--to-morrov y Sunday. Whist do you
| do on Sunday2' Heap play poker Who says
the Indian needs evangellzarton7"
| a. 5-year-old son of Waterbury (Conn.) dea-
con amusea himself BY initiating a tram Of cars
with his mouth and shumlng his feet. While
indulglng in this pastime, last Sunday, be was
told that it was wrong to 90 80 on the Sabbath
| ''Oh, but this is the milk traln," was his re-
joinde1, that being the only train run through
the town on that day.
cling IN the excitement Of revival season. Here
| is the faVorite camp-meeting chorus:
Forty-sebeu bull-frog Ill in dc row,
! Down In de lagoon, latin 1T de crow:
Hand out s DE- dea, a, rs or you ~ ii % gwns e hen
] Bress de good Lord.
's'Aunty, did God make that man :' whispered
| 4 little 4-year-old to his companion, in tue ia
] maica Plain horse-car, as he looked askance at
Mr. Wah Lee. one OF the new 1aundrymen from
the Flowery Kingdom, who sat opposite. Ser
tainly, my dear" was the reply; land why do
| yoo ask such question ?" " Because, aunty, be
didn't make the hinges to his eyes On straight"
Last week An evangelist lit out in the northern
| part Of PennBT1vanla for the purpose OF 1eaping
rich harvest of souls. At the very first place
4nl Io s.. -
bulletin, which read as follows: II come to
slim the cream for Jesus" And in couple of
hours from the issuing OF this proclamation
every farmer for miles around locked up his milk
jars.
"AIy friend" said the Rev. Mr. Kendall, Of
Concord, N. H., to awell-dreHsed young stranger,
who had volunteered to stand by his horse while
he stepped into bank, "my friend, am
obliged to you and when you are as old as I
am, and / am as young as you are, will do aB
much for yon." :But why don't you invite me
in to drink" was the rejoinder to the astounded
preacher.
The Rev. Mr. Thorn, Of Glasgow, had
all kinds. portly magistrate having, one
Sunday in summer, found his way to the
parish church. overcome by the heat OF the
weather, fell fast asleep during the sermon. In
the middle OF the discourse, dog which had
65owt. " Put out that dog said the minister
'.put out that dog instantly-heu waken the
Glasgow magistrate"
4 clergyman, having been induced into living
in Kont, took occasion during his first sermon to
introduce the word 'optics." At the conclusion
of The service q farmer who was present thanked
him fox the discourse, but intitnated that he had
made q amnll mistake in one word, aoftening
down at the same time the severity OF his crit
icBm by saying: Yet We all know very we'll,
sit, what you meant On the clergyman's max
ing further Inquiries about this word, the farmer
replied, s.What yon called hop-stickB, in this
part OF the country ne call hop-poles.'
show many Lords are there, mamma? - asked
a little girl, on returning, from church. "On1y
one. my child" replied the astonished mother;
'why do =ou ask such question ~ "'Cause,
you know. the ministers said there would bs
services on the second Lords day IN this month,
which made me think p'taps there were fo7r OF
i've Lords. But." she added, after moments
reflection II am glad there ain't but one."
Sand why are you glad 2" "Well, one ia
hard enough to please, and there'd be no get
ing along there was any more Of them to hui
NOR"
4 good deal was expected OF a man-servant in