Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-06-25
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with his friends and fellow professors,
though averse to the explosion of powder.
He was, moreover, a very precise man,
priding himself on the purity of his Ian
guage. His implement for shooting had
been left with gunsmith in Boston to be
repaired, and when he called for it he found
Youthful specimen of the geaus homo in
charge, shock-headed and gaping, and evil
density fresh from the rural districts, the
proprietor being out.
care you in charge here ?'' the professor
asked.
'eYaas,' was the answer, no less decisive
than laconic.
SIS that air gun of mine repaired yet ?"
(Which of 'em dye mean 20
II mean that ar gun left to be repair
ed.'
''Wal, there's so many of 'em can't
keep the run on 'em less ye ken pint it
aout. Them ere guns in the case is all
repairs. Is yourn lhere?"
IT don't see any there at all. nv son.
Are you stupid? Those are all percussion
guns"
"Eh,-Was yOurn fint-lock?''
"No.-mine was an ia-gun, discharged
by the compression of air.
''O,-I see, you mean that ere air am, in
the corner. Why, for goodness gracious
sake didn't ye say SO in the fust place?
Yaas,-that ere air-gun is all done, sir. -
The professor wore smile upon his face
all the way home.
A DEMOLISHED TRUNK.-"Do you see
that trunk, sir?" demanded an Indignant
traveller of Charley Bender, the courteous
Lake Shore baggage agent, as he observed
demolished packing box, to which a
check was hanging that correspondent
with one he held in his hand sThat
trunk is ruined, sir, and L demand dam
ages" YES, sir" said the smiling Char
ley, ''you ought to have pay for that trunk
People get a tender little trunk like that
and pack it up for hundred miles jour-
ney as if they were going to the pyramids
They put in two or three good-sized hams,
crock or two of apple butter, a sack Of
double X family -four, ten OF fifteen
pounds of nails, a few pounds Of shot, new
castings for Il couple Of plows, and three
or four changes of clothing. Then they
lug it down here at the last minute, with
the handle burst off one end, and expect it
to go through easy enough to allow
horsefy to ride on the end That's the
way your trunks get broken, my dear sir.
Thirty-fve, sixty-four, Cleveland Branch.
All right. Good morning."
The indignant commercial man had not
commenced suit against the company up
to the hour of going to press.
The PRICE OF A Gown a little town
in Missouri lady teacher was exercising
class of juveniles in mental arithmetic.
She commenced the question, eff you buy
a COW for ten dollars'-when up went a
little hand. What is it johnny" ''Why,
you can't buy no kind of COW for ten dol
lars. Father sold one for sixty dollars
scrub at that"
GEN. WAsHNGToN's HoRsE.-Speak-
IuS VI IliuoOIdeOu PdPCIo, OOli' toIlcl Llftli
says, 81 have ridden Gen. Washington's
horse twenty times in pictures, and so has
Grant, Sheridan and the rest. They keep
Gen. Washington's horse on hand, and
stick head of any of us on it when con-
Venient.
Mother" said a little shaver the other
day, Il know what | would do if / was at
sea and all the men were starving, AMI
they should draw cuts to see who should
be killed and eaten, and it should be me-
I'D jump into the water" But they
would fish you up" said the mother. s'Al.!
but wouldn't bite?''
A doctor ordered one of his patients to
drink flour of sulphur and water. The
patient expressed his disgust with signifi
cant grimaces. sit is only the first glass
that is hard to drink said the doctor.
-'Then will begin with the second,'' re-
piled the invalid.
Sir" said little clustering man to
religious opponent, ito what sect do you
suppose [ belong?:' "Well, l don't exact
ly know,' replied his opponent, ''but to
Judge from your size, appearance and con-
slant buzzing, should think you belonged
to the class generally called insect"
4 Helena, Mon, divine who has spent
tne best part Of the summer In Christian
izing Ctiinaman, thought he was getting
along nicely, until John made a PROPOSE
zion to him, the other day, to ''put in''
with him and start faro bank.
A Chicago pork packer, whose pew rent
was raised to $685. exclaimed. s:Great
Cesarl Here is nice state of offairs. The
gospel going up and pork going down.
What is to become OF us. :"
A Cincinnati woman used to think pa
ralysis dangerous thing, but since her
husband comes home twice a week with |
such a stroke of it that he has to be- carried
up the steps, she rather SCOTS at it.
A man who will go up to the cemetery
and weep over her first husbands grave.
and walk home without a cross word.
shall have our vote every time he comes
up for office.
An economical tourist has written a
pamphlet on 'swhere to go if you haven't
much money" 1t will be read with inter,
est, for there is no good place ia the world
To 90 under such circumstances,
What is the difference between q wise |
n,,o 80 e.
nan and the other a sea-faring man.
The sscheekiest'' individual on record |
las turned up in Pueblo. He tried to geta |
ionor license on "tick. DEM. Dem.
There are various stations in life, but