The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1875-01-08
sCIssoRTNGs.

"A strong mlnded woman Will At-
ways be speaker of tho house.
Half the discomfort Of life is the
result of getting tired of ourselves.
When they hang you in Texas you
stay hanged and eventually die.
why is q side-saddle like a four
quart jugH Because it holds a gallon.
Love without money is something
like patent leather boots withoet
soles. M cd| hHG
Each beau plucks leaf from 90.
quette: so that thorns only remain
for the husband.
The Young Mems Christian Asso-
citation of Chicago, talk Of moving 70
some city whore it won't be such hard
work. a
Artificial butter eF-making has never
proved succeeds. The difficulty lies
in putting in the hairs so they look
natural. t
A Tennessee funeral was delayed
for half an hour to allow a horse
trade. Business before pleasure was
the motto. fs .a
When we see a man begging tobac'
co, we feel like reminding him of the
old adage "that beggArs must not be
chew.sers."
There is a man in New Jersey who
has not been to church for twenty
years. He boards at the States Pris-
on, Trenton.
In some parts of the country, when
a woman begins to get red OF the
roots of her hair, it is regarded as d
storm-signal.
Rather than SEQ it neglected, q
thrifty Eastern farmer is raising pota!
toes on the grave of Tom Paine.---
Coltrier-Jour7aGI.
Herel how'a thisP No stone marks
the grave of Captain John Smith;
Where's the committee on sentimentt,
Who'll hold our ten 6entsS-DetrOd
Press. ,,
A young lady uptown has discard;
ed the use Of false hair, and thrown
away her chignon, with the remark
"There's millions in it.' Very prob
able. f8 daHI Q
Another Atlantic cable has gone TO
the bottom of the sea. Whales with
rheumatism in their knot,joints can
now try the boasted benefits OF cleo
tricity. ltI t'' ~
A young fellow in Grundy county
Iowa, wanted to charge his girl 20
cents for bis picture, informing her at
the time that it originally cost d
quarter. ....
A Milwaukee Woman's bonnet coStd
upon an average, about Sl5, but she
has the bill made out TO $50 or $4Oi
in order to show it TO the woman
next door.
Marble men now make small tomb;
stones by the quantity, with the cpl
taph already cut: "Didnt know u
was loaded" They leave q blank fox
the name and age
The humor Of the clerks Of tho
Bangor (Me.) Post office, finds express
sion IN sticking postage stamp on
the floor and laughing at the peoplS
who try to pick it up.
So after all, Carl Formes, the sing.
er ish't dead. If Carl chooses 10 rei
nit SO 80 TO this Office for the obitu:
ary notice published he will save him.
self the costs Of suit
A Brockport man dreamed recent
ly that bi6 aunt was dead and thB
dream proved true. He tried tho
same game with his mother-in-law, but
it didn't work worth cent.
Virginia hung Mr.. Gibbs twelve
years ago for murder, and now il haG
come to light that bio was innocent
Why will folks tool with d mans neck
in that whY>pntil they are certain Of
his guilt?
An experiehced tbacher says that
il is impossible for Sunday school
scholar with o boil, to satisfactorily
fasten bis mind down even upon the
simplest exposition Of the Scheme Of
salvation.
A minister who came into church
during q sudden shower tequestod
another TO preach for him as he wal
very wet "No," said tho other
"preach yourself you will be dry
I enough in the pulpit"
Miss Kellogg says that American
: girls have the sweetest voices in tht
world. When one Of them puts hei
mouth 10 a hole in the fence ant
"bollers' TO the girl next door Il
: "fetch back them crimping irons" i
: fills the air with melody.
A spread.eaglo orator wanted tbl
! wings Of a bird 70 tIy 70 otery villag'
: and hamlet in the broad lAbd, but n
i wilted when q naughty boy il thl
: crowd asng out: you'd be shot for
grouse before you bad fied q mile
/ when an Arkansas judge ascend
b tLo bench the first thing he doea 3
! to feel under the bench for the Whis
e key bottle, and # the iipstsh has foT
J. gotten to have 4 iilled, legal proceed
ings that day don't amount 70 much