The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-05-29
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Rhode Island bristles with spelling matches.
Some OF the dictionary words reach clear across
the State.
Mr. AIadder married Miss Backup at Logans-
port, Ind. At the wedding he got his BackuP,
and she was made Madder, and until she marries
again will remain 50.
Why" writes one Of our avenue ladies,
"spend 80 much time in spelling matches, which
might be used in discussing the highard girl
question 7H-N. Y. Express.
A gentleman visiting farm house admired
some very strong oaken chairs - Yes, said the
farmer, them's fust rate articles, specially in
the summer for Piazzery purposes"
A man claims to have been confined to his
house BY SEEK spell" His spell bad
enough bat IL men are 20 be confined for such n
reason, J0sh Billings will never lecture more.
woULD BE.-A good many OF the sOcalled
Havana" cigars would be models for married
men-shey are 20 thoroughly domestic.
HAs BEES DEcrDzD.-As marrying a second
wife willis the frst is alive is termed bigamy, il
has been decided to call marrying three or more
Brigkamy.
word at Of the Rhode Island spelling matches
the other night, but found that there wasn't room
for Il In the State.-B0St0H IfaEscTipt.
"Uruguay,r shouted the spelling master
- U-r-a-'' began SpiIkins. - Ninny, SIR" con-
tinned the master, completing the sentence, and
spIkius BID the asscmblage - good evening"
There ia q man in Montgomery county, Penn,
who can hold up his hand and say that he never
opened another mans letter by mistake. We
refer, OF course, to John PfalaelkaeEngar.-
L0DsDiAe C0EIsr-JourHaf
sDon't call on me for three days - il what an
Ashland girl posted on the front gate, and she
further added " going 10 eat some onions
this week if never have another beau -''-Ciere-
land Herald.
AwTuL.-A very religious old lady being asked
her opinion Of the organ Of n church, the first
time she hrd ever heard one, replied; - Its a
very pretty box OF whistles, but, oh it's an
awful way 70 spend the Sabbath" 2"
Those who are disposed to be gloomy because
there is more crime than there used 10 be, should
remember that there are more folks than thero
used 20 be, and, what is quite as noteworthy,
more charity and beneyoleuce than there used
70 be.
The Lewiston Journal says that the word mos
quito vanaushed a social gathering in that city,
in which the spelling mania bad broken out. lt
was too much for a doctor Of divinity, judge,
a professor Of languages, TO say nothing OF less
learned people" In Tact il was a " singer"
REPEATED THE QUEsTIoS.-A Western editor
having waited In vain for the coming OF the Rus
sian NIennOnites, inquired, /" Where are all the
Mennonites?' and echo in the shape OF his wife
reneated the question thus ss Where are all you
men o'nights3'
OK MS RoUSDs.- The following puzzle is again
ON its rounds 81 To FIVE and five and ffty-fve the
first Of letters add twill make thing that
killed the king and drove a wise man mad" IL
was published first about twenty years ago and
has never been correctly answered. But they say
there is an answer.
Circus MUsc.-A young gentleman lately at
tended circus for the first time, and on the
SUNDAY following was taken by his grandmother
to church He gazed around in some wonder
rnent for a few moments When the organist
bean 10 play he turned to his grandmother and
said- in a whisper: - Grandma, will there be a
circus, 80 1 can the lion p - Why, no.
Eddie. this is a church" - Well, replied the
little man, s. it's circus music, any way
The RrookIvn reporters met their match in
Jud0e Troy. who was pestered by them for an
a. s4intervieE" on the everlasting subject OF the
80 0reas scandal ~ He got rid Of the impOrtuni-
Ties OF the cIamOrOus gang by telling them II they
,ronId call az his Office at ? p. II. they would be
Enrnisbed with his - statement" Each OF the
rnorters asked bis respective city editor to retain
room for an - important development that alter
noou When they called, at the appointed time,
tbe JUDGE took from the safe a book whose pages
h1 beoan 10 turn over. The Brooklyn UHIOH
t~IIa tie rest Of the story, follows: He called
thcm about him. They thronged around him
like dies about n sugar-cask. lmpressIyely ne
Tointsd 20 the yellow page between pages lO4 ana
f05 oF the Brooklyn Directory. and these eontd-
in1 reporters read a statement Of Mrs. H. W. B.
co9mendine range she had used for year or
t~o Silence fell on that august assemolage
They were sold. Tusch opened up lS ms mSu5n In
and,lauRhed long, but suddenly ne stopped ne
-..,IIseted that letter about holding space
h sUrang for the door with the stride Of giraffe
;adssd be looked like one as he disappeared The
ress vTsre seized with the same idea, and IN mo-
ment the room was empty OF al save u9ge 10y, 21
who proceeded 70 I'll il with hearty laughter over
bis saccessfuI joke on the reporter"