The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1875-04-28
SINGLE EsLESSEDNESS.
From a Young Girls sGand-POint.

Heighoi What a bother it is 10 loo
7 for husband; now / DO believe | viii sto
and lust settle into Z sedate old maid, fo
| do contend that single blessedness Is
state to be envied instead of ridicuied
one 10 be sought after instead OF summed
II IS ali nonsense, this talk about tn
loneliness and discomfort Of the situation
I, for one, am convinced that il IS no
only folly, but decidedly comfortable.
Think of the advantages, the singh
maiden, l don't care fig what her ag'
may be, has over the poor, overworked
are-burdened fagged-out wife anC
mother, and then see for yourself If an
not right.
In the first place, the unmarried dam
sci can get up in the morning before
daybreak, or 90 10 bed with the birds;
she can eat humbIe-bees or dragon-hies il
she likes, and the diet were at all diges-
tible, or sip rose-water and extract OF
honevdew every half hour during the day.
She can dress just as the spirit moves
her, wearing a nightcap, even if they are
not fashionable, all the morning, or vary
ing that style by pretty display of ruff
/ hes and and furbelows in the evening, or
/ vice-versa, without being interfered with.
! If her inclination prompts her to flourish
/ tremendous length of trail, she can DO
so without the least fear of some six-foot-
ed, long bearded old mustang singing out.
"Why the deuce can't you keep your dry
goods out Of fellow way"
And then, if her teeth are as long ms
the legs of chair, if her eyes squint like
those of sleepy owl, whose business is 1t,
| would ike to know?
Again, if the single woman wishes to
promenade Broadway, she can do that
without nine or ten dirty-tace, stick fin
gered children setting up a cry to go
along, or their grutf old paternal exclaim-
ing, Hang it, | wish you would stop
this everlasting gadding and stay at
home to look after dinner and attend to
the house"
Yes! Blessings on the old maids,
every one of them, and the young maids
too. They can run and not be weary;
they can walk and not faint"
Why?
Because they have nothing to do but |
laugh and grow fat No old coats and |
shirts to mend, no bluebeards to please, /
and no Bridgets to scold. Scarlet fever,
cough, mumps and chicken
pox are not terrible in their eyes, for they
have no little Sammys and Tommys to
pilot through them. Fly-specks, grease
spots, and rat-holes are nothing to them,
for they have neither houses nor barns to
worry over.
Truly then, blessed be nothing but
greenbacks and nickel coin, and the old
maids wish need only be to have plenty
1f those in her pocket, and plenty of wit
At her tongues end, and her sleep may
De as peaceful as a good feather bed and
soft rose blankets can make it.
Better love poodles, pussy cats and par
'ots, better knit mittens and socks for the
soldier, better eat alone and die
ilone, than to be everlastingly snubbed
~ a musty, crusty, grabbed, snarling,
mapping, grunting, growing, smoking,
chewing Old Benedict. whom the laws OF
he land has set to rule over you.
| was interrupted here, dear reader,
too in very ridiculous way,
or as looked up one instant, hand
eized my pen and all, and lips from
lnder handsome brown moustache said
''Now write what
ictate. / will wager my new silk hat
hat every one of the young, single dam =
els for whom that advice is intended, l
ill march into matrimony before next
ear closes, Just for the sake of proving
he contrary to be a fact-and, more "
yer, this procession to the altar, will be d
eaded by the author of the sage advice,
I'd by a widower with six.
"Now stop, sir" | Indignantly ex-
Iaimed; ''stop, exactly where you are;
X, you said, and this the first [ ever
new Of it. May a merciful Providence !,
efend me from that horrible widower !.
it'll SIX bawling and rioting boys-as of !,
purse | now expect them all to be- No, q
n | will not write another word. :
tx, indeed! Outrageous! What is that |
Gu say, sir? ''Not one word has escaped =
~ lips about six boys, or girls, either, y
II that matter" ''Well, really, if you y
id not mean either boys or girls, you /
reat humbug, will you be so considerable v
; to tell me what YOU did mean?" 4
'Why, yes, was the reply, eff you h
i'll only listen, | was merely about to :
", led by a widower with $50, 900, and !,
handsome house on Fifth avenue, all h
FINISHED" =
"Now, Charley Woodside, that is a Il
ecidedIy different version of the story. h
that widower has no encumbrances, or e.
lly one or two, handsome face, and =
xty thousand dollars with a house, >,
hy-why-we will perhaps consider n
neither it will pay to be snubbed." r,
The moon changes even as your mind" s.
Now, my dear reader, do not imagine a
at | pennod that saucy quotation from u u
Tanning of the Shrew" No, it was Il
at provoking Charley who 81, ly did it, u u
bile | was trying to defend my cheeks L
ON a sudden invasion of moustaches, IL
ID how he managed to get it there IN II II
en- Will forever remain a mystery. u
sc