The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-05-19

Some years ago there was an old
steamboat captain who was at once
owner and commander of one of the
numerous foating-palaces on the broad
Mississippi. Capt. Striker was Ger
man, passionately fond Of music, al
ways carrying a band on his boat,
which was favorite packet and pat
ronized by all the planters on the
Bayou La Fourche. His family re-
sided near the town of Donaldsonville
The building of church having been
proposed, Captain Striker subscribed
$500. In due course of time the
church was finished. Then a light
ning-rod was proposed, and another
call made on Captain Striker. Rising
from his chair and gesticulating an
grilY with his forefnger, the old Ger
man replied: "No, chintlemen, vii
not. | say vonce for all un vonce
more / vii not. / gif three hundrhed
dollars to raise a schurch to Got. Now,
if Got .vonts to tunther it down, fy jus
let him tunther avayr'
Paper can be manufactured from
iron. If tallow candle be placed in
gun and shot at door, it will go
through without sustaining injury;
and if musket ball be fred into the
water il will not only rebound but be
Hattened if fred through pane Of
glass it will make hole the size of
the ball, without cracking the glass.
Cork, if sunk two hundred feet in the
ocean, will not rise on account of the
pressure of water. In the Arctic re-
gions, when the thermometer is below
zero, persons can converse more than
a mile distant. DIR. Jamison asserts
that he heard every word of sermon
at the distance Of two miles.
"Mark Twain used to run a boat
down here, didn't he?" inquired a
traveller of Mississippi pilot lately.
"Mark Twain" replied the old river
man, "Mark Twain; do you mean
him as Sam Clemmansl. =. Wal, yes, he
did try pilotin' yer awhile, but he
couldn't do it, couldn't do it tall !;
hadn't the genus. But tell We what" :"
continued the grizzly veteran, giving
his wheel twist, eff ye'd a-gin him
boats 'nough while he was a-practicin'
he'd a-cleared the river of snags, for
suah."
"Did you ever see that picture,
grandma ?" asked a young lady, as
they took view of the family por-
trait gallery.
'See it why it's portrait of my
self when | was seventeen"
81 thought you had forgotten it, or
you wouldn't always be occurring us
girls about modesty ir dress"
Grandma looked over her spectacles
and declared the girls now -a-days were
very impertinent to their elders.
"Hallo, stranger you appear to be
travelling" eyes, l always travel
when I'm on a journey" "I think /
have seen you somewhere" Every
likely, I've often been there" "Mightn't
your name be Smith," swell, it might
If it wasn't something else" "Have
you been long in these partsl" "Nev-
er longer than at present-fve feet
nine" "Do you calculate to remain
here some timer" swell, I guess I'll
sIay tlll III ready 10 leave.
If married men will attend the
spelling matches they had better leave
their wives at home. 1t isn't comfort
able to walk home with her and have
the deaf creature muttering every step,
"Pm ashamed Of your ignorance !"
and "If you can't spell 'agitate' I'll
teach you when ] get home" No, it's
disheartening.
A Milwaukee chap kissed his girl
about forty times ri ght straight along,
and when he stopped the tears came
into her eyes, and she said in a sad
tone of voice, "Ah John, l fear you
have ceased to love me-" "No,
haven't" ," replied John, "but l must
breathe"
A Yankee editor tosses up the
sponge with the remark that at don't
pay to run a paper in a town where
business men read almanacs, and pick
their teeth with the tail of herring"