Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-02-26
H UMOR.

NOR.
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APPLICATION FOR FREE Passes
Probably one of the most troublesome dr..
ties Of the general superintendent of rail.
roads, is the necessity of reading and an
swering the shoals Of applications for passes
which are constantly pouring in on him.
The following are specimens of MANY of
these communications:
THE FUNNY MAN APPLIES.
The first in front is gentleman whom
the superintendent has never heard of be-
fore, but who evidently THINKS he can get
the document by little Righteousness:
"Dear Sir: am going West. My hats
chalked on most roads; can youschalk?n
Ever of thou, ~ ny
AsPATRoN OF THE ROAD" ASKS A FAVOR.
The next makes application on account
Of his extensive freight business over the
line:
Sir: | shipped piles of stuff over your
road, and l ought to get a pass. Have got
one over most roads. Send it to Cheek.
vile P. O. The stuff I ship is sozve for
drawing corns. If you have got any I'll
stop and nix you up strate. Make it for
self and lady-my lady operates on her own
seek. Telegraph as to corns to 5th Avenue
Hotel.
Yours and cetry, -"
THE ALL DAY BLOWER MAKES AN Ap.
PEAL.
Inc following is from the editor of a
well-known sheet, enclosing an extract
from his paper, calculated, as he thinks.
to tickle the documents out of the general
superintendent:
! Sir: enclose with this, an extract from
my influential and high toned journal
which you see has allusion to yourself. l
think was not going too far when /
stated that you were the brightest star in
the railroad firmament;.' that your prac.
tlcal knowledge was unequalled;' and YOU,
executive ability of an order that would
qualify Napoleon, a Jackson, or Wash.
ihgtonr
was also erring on the side of modesty
when | stated that your accomplished
wlIe and interesting children were ricl.
Jewels in your wreath of fame, and the &C.
lipsing constellation of the social circle, y
: "Send pass for my wife, her mother-in-
law and grandmother, and nurse and six
children, over your well-managei road, on
tuesday, sure. Don't include me-can.
not leave my arduous ard weigbty duties
in this district.
"Yonrs to command, -"
{ A FAMILY RoMANcE.-Jones would 90
cut evenings on little spree, which he en-
deavored to conceal from his wife. In this
he succeeded well for time, but at last
her suspicious became aroused. She watch
% his movements when he came home for
three or four evenings, and thus became
doubiy sure that her suspicious were not
without Foundation. He would enter the
room very cautiously at night, then set
hlmself down on chair by the bed, and
nisrobe himself and quietly slip into bed
and all this was done in the dark. Mrs.
Jones concluded she would set trap for
aim. She moved all the chairs away from
atie place he usually sat down. and in the
5tace put washtub filled with water. She
allen retired and was soon iu the land Of
dreams.
Sure enough, at late hour Jones came
aome, and d. usual attempted to sit down
IN nus accustomed chair, but he landed in
the washtub, and after many unsuccessful
attempts rolled out of it and upon the
door. The noise awakened Mrs. Jones.
who gave terrible scream, and after calm.
ing down asked him what was the matter.
The following was his answer:
Carrie hic-tidal wave hic-swim out.hic
YOU'RE over your hic-head. Let's gothic.
Or shOreI"
Jones evidently thought he was ship.
wrecked; but the next morning he and
Mrs. Jones were seen taking the pledge
and buying . new carpet, elatau.
Poor Irishwoman with six children to
railroad ticket agent: please, sir. can't
you give poor wildly with six orphan
children ticket to Milwaukee," Ticket
AGENT "What have got to do With your
orphan ehildren2 amt their father. am
II" Woman: "That you sint, sir. Their
father was dacent man."
That was an irreverent.youtl, who. to his
aged parent desiring to retire from the re- |
aaii trade and take government position,
said: you IN the post otioe. Niee old
PARTY you'd be In the post Once. Whist |
sooald you do In the post office exospt stand
u the doorway with your mouth o,en for
asen to net postage stamps on your
tongue"
madame, !" said q snauling son of Essu. |
iaptus, III women were sdmitisd to para |
disc their tongues would 50 n make it q |
pnrgatory." And some physie ans, il al |
aowed to practice there, "retorted the lady, |
A'woad soon make it desert"
u sWear," said gentleman to his sweet.
heart, "you axe very handsome" "Pooh!n |
said the lady, $50 you would say if you did |
not think 50. - sAnd SO you would .ink,n
answered he, "though should not say |
so.''
Said Missouri preacher: There's a |
= powerful sight Of giggtiag back thar in |
the corner. and it's got to he stopped, or |
the Lord Will delegate me to openthe door |
and throw some ONE ontn' twas stopped |
*What have you been a d0in'?" asked a |
ooy OF his playmate, whom he saw coming |
out Of the house with tears in his eyes. |