Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-04-23
Fl u N O e


A MODEL LAWYER. esquire Johnson
was model lawyer, as the following anec-
dote will evince: $500,
Mr.. Jones onco rushed into the squire s
office in great passion. "That Internal
scoundrel of a cobbler, Smith, has sued me,
Mr.. Johnson-sued me for five dollars I
owe him for pair of boots!2'
i'Then you owe him five dollars?'
ITO be sure do; but he has gone and
sued me-sued me!'
ssThen why don't you pay him, if you
owe him?"
s:Because he's sued me; and when man
does that III! never pay him till it Gusts
him more than he gets. want you to make
it cost him all you can"
ssBut you know it will cost you too!''
81 don't.care for that; what do you
charge to begin wiLh?''
''Ten dollars: and more if there is much
extra trouble
ssAll right There's the x. Now go
ahead!''
No sooner was the client gone. than
Squire Johnson stepped across to his neigh
Dor Smith, and offered to pay the bill. Oh
condition the suit he withdrawn. The
shoemaker gladly acceeded: all he wanted
was his pay The lawyer retained the other
five for his fee, and us the case was not
troublesome, make no further DEM nds
upon his client.
Ten days after Jones comes in to see how
bis case is getting along.
''All right" said the. lawyer. 'You
won't have any trouble about tuat. | put
it to Smith SO strongly that he was glad 10
Withdraw his suit altogether.
Capital cried the exulting Jones.
you've done it up brown. You shall
have all my business teD
DRAw.-Scribbled upon the margin OF &
document received at the Executive Man
sion, from the Office of our minister TO the
Court of st. James, We're the following
stai,zas, entitled s'Sir Munmydupe's mus
ings': which are supposed to have given
rise to the rumer that Gen Schenck was
about to resign:
held a nand at draw,
And thinking it worth while,
I"blinded' hall my pile;
And. with Triumphant smile, tA
He saw
/ drew card-tHas red:
The either four spades.
StIaightway that felloa wades
For Ine with three old maids
'Nutf eed'
wake up. Judge wake up; there's a
burglar in the bouse!" said Mrs. Portly, i'll
Brooklyn. to her husband. the other night.
The Judge rolled out of bed, grasped his
revolver. and opened the door to sally
forth for the robber Then turning to his |
wife. he said: ''Come, Sarah, and lead the !
way. It's mean man that will hurt a |
woman"
When they want to find out IN the cNun- |
try if girl is counting or not, an old lady
steps in and remarks: 81 say. there amt
no one sick in the house or nothill', is
theres I seen light burnin' nigh on to
twelve O'Clock last night: but l don't smell i
no campfire nor nothin' around
This is the season OF the year wheia the
farmer tells his son John, that if h. will
sort over ten bushels OF potatoes, feea the
stock, repair that fence. and re-sliingie the
corn-crib he may have the rest OF the day
to go rabbit shooting.
An economical farmers daughi + in
Massachusetts, put off her wedding day
because eggs were forty cents per dozen,
,s1M it would take two dozens for the we'd
ding cakes and pudding.
4. qMssminent Detroit Universalist, some
months ago. married q red -headed widow
with four children, and last week remarked
To 4 friend: 81 was blind when I believed
there was no hell. / seq it now"
A widow was weeping bitterly at th,,loss
of her husband. and the parson tried to con-
sole her. ''No, no. said she; ''leJ Zoe
have NV CRY out, and then | shan't care
about it,
i slender youth who opens the gr 'eery
.eora across the way at so clock every aiorn-
inc .deares to be ranked among the leafiy3
Using voglag merchants OF This town.
1T is said that nothing will cure poets
ssfection for his idol sooner than 70 catch
Jar at the dinner table ,excavating the ker-
,el of hickory nut with a hair-pin-