The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-04-16

OLOtAC5-AlAO WCuL " CACl6lLACO al
Iowa woman as she found her hus-
band hanging in the stable.
A New Orleans paper Gays the
dollar stores in that city are places
where you may buy a twenty-five
cent article you don't want, for four
times its value.
"It isn't loud praying which
counts with the Lord so much as
giving four full quarts for every
gallon" says an Arkansas circuit
rider.
"One fortunate thing in being a
king" says the Detroit Free Press,
''is that kings never have to get up
nights and lug the potatoes in be-
side the coal stove"
"What time is it 2" asked one pas
senger of another in a Detroit depot
the other day. "Ten minutes to
watt" was the answer, as the man
looked up at the timetable.
An Italian nobleman has taken
up his residence in this city for
! while. He turns the crank with the
same facility as the rest of his
brother exiles.-Atlanta News.
A Boston journal prints "direc-
lions how to walk with safety down
inclines of plate glass showered
profusely with OIL" The best plan
is to slide off and take to the street.
A st. Louis sergeant of police
froZe to death n few nights ago
while making his rounds. This is
another awful commentary on the
foolish custom of closing saloons
at IL o'clock.-Milwaukee News.
"Julius, why didn't you Oblong
your stay at the Springer" "Kase,
Mr.. Snow, dey charge too much"
"How so, Julius?" "Why, de land
lord charged dis colored individual
wild stealing de spoons.
Above all things, learn your child
to be honest and industrious if
these two things don't enable him
to make figure in this world, he is
only a CIPHER, and never was in
tended for a figure. Billings.
"Will the boy who threw that
pepper Oh the stove please come up
here and get a present of a nice
book" said q Sunday school super
intendeut in Iowa; but the boy
never moved. He was q far-seeing
boy.
One of the girls at Vassar keeps
up her studies, keeps track of eight
love stories in weekly papers,
writes twice = week to five young
men, sews for q charitable society
and finds time to ride and skale and
practice for q concert
Those two Kentucky lady hotel
clerks are winning Communications
daily. They possess no single char
acteristic of the males of their pro-
fession save the one feature of part
ing their hair in the middle.-St.
Louis Republican.
A country pastor said to one of
his feminine congregation: care
you happy ?" ayes, sir" she re-
piled ; "I feel as though I were in
Beelzebnb's bosom" "Not in Beel-
zebub's?" "Well: some of the Pat
riarchs; l don't care which"
Phenia Epps of Hamilton, Ohio,
asked her mother to take q note for
her to a friend of the family living
in a near street. The note when
opened was found to read: ''This
is little ruse OF mine to get moth
er out of the house. Before she can
get back l will be on the cars with
dear Lorenzo, and before night will
be married"
A party who was looking at a
house in Sixth Ward the other day,
said he couldn't afford to pay so
much rent. "Well, look at the
neighborhood," replied tho woman.
"YOu can borrow flat-irons next
door, coffee aud tea across the street,
flour and sugar on the corner, and
there's q big pile of wood belonging
to the school house right across the
alley !"-DetrOit Free Press.
"Bub, did you ever stop to think, -
said q Michigan avenue grocer re-
Gently, as he measured out half g
peck of potatoes, ''that these pota-
toes contain sugar, water and
starch ?" ''Nos, l didn't" replied
the boy, "but 1 heard mother say
that you put peas and beans in your
coffee, and about q pint of water in
about every quart OF milk you sold. !"
The subject of natural philosophy
was dropped right e.--Detroit
Free Press.
They got mp a surprise party
Thursday night last on q Young
married couple, at whose house in
Swamboodle q similar affair was
one of the social successes of the
last season. The conspirators were
met calmly bat cordially at the gate
by the husband, who rested on his
shot gun, while his beautiful and
accomplished wife, whose face and
form were visible inside the porch.
she was very glad to see them, but
she didn't think che could hold the
bulldog back more than = minute
/. longer!