Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-08-01
An Innovation.

Mah anu 10y, l have attended over
twenty Fourth Of July celebrations, and
over twenty times have l marched to ''the
grove and listened to the dry perform
ance OF reading the Declaration of Inde-
pendence, followed by an Grafton from
some corpuent, bald-headed man, who
commenced by thanking God that he
was an American, and ended by declaring
that the Yankee nation was the biggest
thing out doors.
! used to wonder why some genius
| dldn invent new way of celebrating
the Fourth, or at least bring out an i'm
provement on 'the grove" proceedings,
and l was highly gratified last year to
discover that genius in little town in
Wyoming. He was the president of the
village, and it was his Fourth of July
celebration. He had the ''bossing' of
the whole thing, and he was fully pre-
pared for any and every emergency. At
| daylight he caused an anvil to be fred
thirteen times to usher in the glorious day,
| and he came to the hotel where l was
sweetly sleeping, and raped on the door
and shouted to the landlord:
"Come, Dan, blast your eyes! why in
blazes don't you get up and be some
bodya"
"You can't get me out at four O'Clock
for no Fourth Of July ever born ~ sleepily
replied Dan.
II can't, eh2 Well, now, I'll give you
just two minutes to come out o. that and
be patriot! After two minutes I'll start
bonfire on your varandar'
Daniel arose, the rest of us followed
suit. and the president came in and or
| dered three cheers for General jackson,
and solemnly added:
"Gentlemen, we licked the British at Wa
terloo, Valley Forge, Sedan, and Wilson's
Creek, and we've constitutional right to
hollerr'
At nine A. NJ. the procession formed.
Ii consisted of three six-mule teams,
eight men with wheel-barrows, four men
with crowbars on their shoulders, mule
cart full Of children, and seventy or
eighty people in line behind. The hotel
bartender was the only man left behind
in the town.
A platform had been erected in a little
grove, and when the populace had been
crowded around it the president mounted
the boards and ordered:
s'Three cheers now for Lord Corvallis,
the bravest patriot of the hull caboodle,
except Washington and Jacksonw
| Some cheered, some laughed, and a
voice called out:
''Conwallis was British general!'
The president did not Immediately re-
ply. He removed his coat, rolled up his
shirt sleeves, kicked off his shoes, and
then stepped to the front row of boards
and huskily said:
''Ladies and gentlemen and children
There's Britisher in this crowd-a blast
ed Tory, whose father undoubtedly shot
down American patriots! He hollers out
that Lord CORVALLIS was a British gen.
eral. You may decide to sit still under
this degradation, but got up this Fourth
of July, and l want to see that mani
want him to come up here where ami"
No one came. There was deep silence
for moment, and then the president bor
rowed chew of plug tobacco, rolled
down his sleeves, and continued:
"Why do we celebrate the Fourth Of
Julyl We celebrate it, my friends, be-
cause it is the anniversary of the day on
which our forefathers conquered the
English, made a prisoner of Queen Vic
toria, and ended the cruel war! The
bloody English thought this nation was
only spring chicken, but it didn't take
US long to show 'em that We were full
grown eagle"
Observing a look of incredulity and
amusement on the face of the hotel-keeper,
the president continued:
"And there's Dan, who keeps the Lion
Hotel in this town. 1t is very good no.
tel, but he is an ignorant man, and he
can't tell the difference between Fourth
OF July and next Christmas"
That settled Daniel, and the speaker
returned to his Grafton.
ladies and gentlemen, we can't think
too much of the patriots who shouldered
their old tlint-locks in the dark days OF
'76, and went out and made the redcoats
sigh for home. Their names will never
be forgotten while memory lasts. There
was Washington, Stonewall Jackson,
General Hooker, Putnam, Sigel, Warren,
Lord CORVALLIS, and a hundred others
They fought, bled, starved, and died for
us, and if we ever go back. on 'em we
ought to be killed by buzzards!'
As he paused coarse voice laughed,
"Ho he! Of" as if casting slur on his
statements, and the president remarked
an give anybody ten dollars to pint
out the man who lated, and if can't
bury him I'll buy this town and present
it to an orphan asylum"
That closed the exercises at the grove
and no further exercises took place until
evening, when the president built bon
fire, got up dog fight, and exploded q
pound of powder under u barrel. Every
body seemed to enjoy himself hugely
and at midnight. when the anvil had been
fired as signal that festivities had closed
the president called out:
"Ladies and gentlemen, pass right into
the bar aud order your drinks at my ex-
penser'-M. QUAD, in Hearth and Home
II SAY, Mr.. Smithers, said Mrs. Smith