The Portland daily press., 1875-11-24

Family jars are too often jugs.-N. 0. Re-
publican.
The New Orleans Republican says the ter
ritory of Africa is used principally for explor-
ing purposes.
"Whazzer mazzer me?" Indignantly Fin.
qured the fellow sitting on the curbstone,
blinking at the officer as if the light hurt his
eyes. "Whazzer mazzer me? Juzzer same
old thing-hyp dermIc lection whizzy. p
Brooklyn Argus.
Mr.. Huxley, the learned scientist, writes:
hope Mr.---will not mix in philOgene-
tic starnmbaume with objective taxonomy."
We should greatly deprecate such thing
ourselves, but we are inclined to think that
the fellow is just about fool enough to do it.
She was brushing his hair, and he enjoyed
being fused over amazingly. Rolling up his
eyes, he said: My dear, why was Columbus,
when he landed in America, like me now?"
She couldn't tell him, and he explained: Be-
cause he was tickled at being fust over."-
Chicago Tribune.
1t was a diplomatic husband who protested
to his wife: "My dear, if it doesn't make
any difference to you, don't say brute and
sdolt'! Use Germs milder, il not less incis-
i've If I must have curtain lectures, let them
at least be damask curtain ones. "-St. Louis
Republican.
A Philadelphia man has discovered that a
house may be heated by reflection. We hail
the discovery with joy, and hope to see the
tine when every man may sit down and re-
Iy,rx ,s,,rf 70 70 r1r,
domicile for the day; and then 60 down town
and dance jig of exultant defiance before
the Office door of the starving coal dealer.
It Is related of a Partisan portrait painter
that having recently painted the portrait OF a
lady, critic who had just dropped in to see
what was going on in the studio, exclaimed,
SIT is very nicely painted, but why did you
take such an ugly mode?' SIT is my moth
en-" calmly replied the artist. sob! pardon
thousand times" from the critic, in great
confusion, "you are right; l ought to have
perceived it. 1t resembles you completely"
A boy of 10 went into Grand River Ave-
nue. grocery, yesterday, and called for five
cent bar OF soap. He left a nickel on the
counter and started out, but the grocer
called: "See here, boy-this is lead nickle !!
I don't take such money as this" The boy
left the soap, and took up the nickel without
word, but on reaching the walk he burst
out: 81 told ma he wasn't near-sighted, but
she stuck to it and stuck to it, and now Pm
liable to be jailed. "-Detroit Free Press.
"Jennie, you're my sweetheart" said a
nine-year-old sutton, as he sat alone with his
hearts idol, the other evening.
Show can be your sweetheart" asked
the little Miss, "when I am thirteen years
old and you only nine?"
care you thirteen?"
sOf course am"
"Wel," answered the Juvenile beau, after
rejecting a little, 'srd been thirteen, too,
If hadn't been sick so much wnen was lit
tle."
at a Kentucky dinner, and between the
sherry and champagne, to which period the
e7fant terrible of the family had been un-
fortunately permitted to linger, The host had
gone to praising his own wine in a fashion
which was certainly an evidence of its intoX-
icating qualities: "That sherry, sir, cost me
500 dozen. bought it at The auction of
the Emperor Napoleon's wines, and imported
it myself" why, papa interrupted the
enyant, ''that was all gone long ago, and
mamma filled the bottles up from that Cali
fornia keg. She said. you never had any
friends who could tell the difference"
California papers are publishing the docket
of Tuolumne county justice of the peace
who held Office in 1850. The following is an
extract from his minutes of a case: N. B.
Barber the lawyer for George Work insolent-
ly told me there were no law for me to rool
so, l told him didn't care d--n for his
book law, that was the law myself. He con-
tinued to jaw back told him to shut up, but
he wouldn't fined him $50 and committed
him to goal for days for contempt of court
in bringing my rooliugs and dissions into dis
reputableness and as warning to unrooly
persons not TO contradict this court.