The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1875-07-08
NO. 20.


To squire who was boasuino
horses speed, Foote, the witty comedian,
replied "Pooh my horse will stand
faster than yours can gallop."
1t is singular that mineral waters are
only beneficial to the wealthy. We
never knew physician to advise poor
man to go to any watering-place.
A philosopher asserts that the reason
why ladies' teeth decay sooner than gen
tlemen's is because Of the friction OF the
tongue and the sweetness of the lips.
1t is said that the hurrying to catch
trains and boats, of which there isneces-
sarily so much in these days, tends to
produce diseases of the heart and brain.
A Boston editor bushes for the ignor-
ance of three young girls of that city who
tried to get their horses he ad down SO
that it could drink by unbuckling the
crupper.
If you cut the back legs of your chair
two inches shorter than the front ones,
the fatigue of sitting will be greatly re-
heved and the spine placed i'll better
position.
Peruvian guano is now charged with
the crime of Introducing the potato bee
tie but in Colorado, whence this fellow
comes, they don't trouble themselves
with guano.
The Carlists recently caught man,
| bathed him in petroleum, applied
lighted match to him, and danced by the
light thereof. They had no personal
grudge against him.
We have heard of asking for bread
and receiving stone, but gentleman
may be considered as still worse treated
when he asks for lady's hand and re-
ceives her fathers foot.
If, in instructing child,you are vexed
with it for want of adroitness, try, If
you have never tried before, to write
with your left hand, and then remember
that child is all left hand.
Up to the close of 1874 eleven millions
of dollars had been expended on the
great naval arsenal and docks of Spezia.
American men-of.war in the Mediter-
ranean, when needing repairs, put in at
that port.
The latest story of the Niagara hack
men is, that one of them drove a we'd
ding party one morning to clergyman's
house. In the afternoon the clergyman
was visited by the driver, who demanded
In Minnesota the boys go grasshop-
pering at the rate of sixty cents the ton,
and on an average manure the soil with
twenty-five thousand tons of the i'll
sects per day. They count upon break
ing up the State treasury or the hop
pers, one of the two.
Last year the State Of Massachusetts,
| gilded the dome of its State-house, and
now it has been compelled to pay for
Theoretically sealing the windows to the
cupola above that the glittering surface
may not be tarnished by the eXpectora-
tions of tobacco-using visitors.
1t is calculated that $4,000 Americans
have gone over to Europe to see what
they can see this summer, and that the
husbands will lay out over there fifty
millions of dollars in new whistles for
their wives and daughters. Afew thing
embobs are necessary, of course.
Mr.. Backus, of Michigan, was so iniu-
dicious as to smoke in the same wagon
with can of oil. If Prof Peters, i'll
scanning around among tho planets,
should happen to get glimpse of any
thing that looks like fragment of Mr..
b., he will send word to the papers.
A red-haired lady, who was ambitious
of literary distinction, found but poor sale
for her book. A gentleman, in speaking
of her disappointment, said 4: " Her
hair is red, if her book is not" An
auditor, in attempting to relate the joke
elsewhere, said: "She has red hair, if
! her book hasn't"
M. Lille strongly recommends the use
of bread mixed with sea water in cases
of disease arising from poverty of blood,
for convalescents recovering from acute
diseases, and for healthy persons of deli
cate constitutions. The water must be
genuine sea water, not the sea salt OF
commerce in water.
That some soldiers appear sloverly
about their clothes when others are
clean and tidy, is accounted for by the
unequal commands of the company otli-
GERS. The captain never comes to halt
without telling his men to "dress up on
the right" allowing the men on the left
to look as shabby as they please.
The business of packing fruits, vege-
tables, and meats in Theoretically
ed cans, though of comparatively recent
origin in this country, has had rapid
growth, and has now reached large di-
monSlO1lS. Inc aulOuuG Ol ClplJtll IL
vested is $2Q,9QQ,oQo, the j number 81
number of cans packed every year 1OO,-
100000.
"When I married." said Ex-Chancel-
lor of the Exchequer Lowe at a London
party, 81 declared, 'Withall my world
ly goods 1 thee endow,' although L
hadn't shilling in the world. " But, !"
chimed in the wife, "you had your
splendid talents. "Yes, my dear; but
you know 1 didn't endow you with
them," was the right honorable gentle
mans reply.
A Paris journal reports that recently
in the Butte-aux- Cailles, one of thepoor-
est quarters of that city, human baby
monkey was born, with an ordinary boy S
face, long tail, and considerable hair
, on its body. The father of the beast, a
workman, got wrathy over the birth,
and Immediately left his home with avis
ible prospect of going crazy his wife,
its mother, was very much castdown be-
. cause it was born with upper and lower
teeth, and she was therefore unable tc
3 wet nurse it.