Arizona citizen., 1875-04-24

startling inquiry, IS the question aSKeu, material to the issue?' Very well. The trial approaches. The sheriff stands on the front steps of the courthouse, and cries, Hear ye, hear ye,' with such elo- quent pathoS that small boy, passing by on his way to school, is deeply affected and concludes that under the circumstan- ces he isn't equal to school that day, and so doesn't go. The court opens. The case is called. Twelve men are empanneled, who may be good and true enough, but, as a general thing, a fellow gets lost in the conjecture whether, if these twelve men should lose their twenty-four feet, the men wouldn't smell little better. The case to be tried is one of vital importance and I, the principal witness, am called 10 the stand. After taking the usual oath 1 seat myself and with my open hat in my lap, the question StareS me in the face, Is there an issue?' Now as general thing, I peremptorily settle it out of hand, in my mind, that there isn't any issue worth speaking of, and throw away all restraint in my answers. But this is more diff cult case; there is a most decided issue. Then as each question comes up, I assume great deliberatiOn, and before answering mentally ask myself, Is the question ask ed, material to the isSue?' As there is but limited time for mental argument, gen. orally decide favoIably to myself or to the side of the case in which have the most interest. can oftentimes do myself con- siderable service by my decision as to the
 
 prosecuting attorney, with total absence of that insulting familiarity or cOarSeneSS with which he prOpounds his questions to timid female or helpless male witnesses, asks me, Mir. Heep, if you please, where did you or did you not reside, on or about, shortly after midnight, of the night of the 25th day of August last.' The opposing counsel will, probably, immediately offer the most violent objections to this queS- ton, as subversive of the first principles of jurisprudence. have therefore consid- erable time to consult my hat, and calm- ly decide the relation of this question to the issue as material and with burn- ing deck look in my eye, answer truth fully, In New Jersey The clerk takes down this reply, reads it and is instantly, very nearly obliterated by both counsel, and severely repriDanded by his honor, because he has unbluShingly affixed the words, United States of America,' to my answer. The clerk, with but a feeble rem nant of the vital spark left, corrects his answer, and the prosecuting attorney pro- ceeds. Col. Heep, if you will pardon my asking the question, have sufficient Tpr to 0rgf your hea1 a1 sU ofn lighted bombshell should land in a pow der magazine, there couldn't be a jOllier row than this kind of question produces. Harmless, you should suppose? Of course you are so lamentably ignorant of law. Harmless! 1 could laugh at you, if this were fit subject for laughter" Uriah said this very impressively and we were sorry we had spoken so thoughtlessly. Coming close to us and speaking slowly, Heep con linued: "Do you know that this harm less thing is nothing less than a LEADING QUESTION? Well, you know it now, and ob- serve the electric effect. The attorney for the defense staggers to his feet, hair dis heveled. one cheek h2ggard and Shrunken and the other assisting his upper lip to curl with contempt, and he hoarsely whispers: Your honor, 1 have rOamed meath for eign skies. But about six months ago, more or less, I became wearied with the falseneSS of all things human, and turn ing nae to the setting sun I came to dwell in these climes; in these south lands, Of which loved friend, who occasionally | drops into poetry, once casually remarked,
 Eternal Summer gilds them yet,
 But all except their sun is set.
 still nay cup was not full. I had yet to live to hear the legal intelligence of the | nineteenth century insulted, and nsulted | here, of all places on this revolving orb, here in these halls that once echoed 10 the arctic elOquence of the great original tum- Dlebug himself. Contempt has the facul- y of descending, but there are depths which it. cannot reach. have done, but ;all upon your honor for protection.
 A careful investigation would reveal but ew dry eyes in court at the close of this
  )r solemnly finishes the offending at Orney in this memorable passage: MT. Attorney, against all prece- lent you have asked a question which. lad the gentlemanly witness been less de- iberate and intelligent, might have been and 1 leave it to your calmer 'efiectIon when you retire to your virtu- )uS couch this night, to realize what would lave been the consequences Of an answer o yOur revolutionary question. When ay that the legal foundations Of our glo- 'iOuS country would have been shaken rom Maine to Tubac, 1 but draw the veil 'f charity over the frightfuI result. l now varn you that repetition Of this offence will compel me, however painful to my personal feelings, to allow the opposing counsel to state his objections in writing.'
 "However, the prosecuting attorney Ii comes up smiling after his rebuff and in- asks me in what year | was 'orn. This question heals all differences n the court, and deep reflection ou my 'art brings me to the conclusion that the question is immaterial to the issue, and accordingly determine to give my imag- nation full play. So l answer, In the 'pring of l475.' Ot course this staggers the ourt and his honor in writing asks the Jerk to bend his energies to ascertain my age. This officer decides hat I must be four hundred years old. But what can they do? According to the rdinary legal acceptation I am under = f truth, while my knowledge of law has nabled me to know that the question be- ng immaterial, 1 can indulge in little omance about my age, with as much inn unity as if were recreating in the inno- ent pastin1e of an ordinary after dinner r business lie. What do I gain by this , abrcation? Why l gain this: The next sSlln # n mn c frn ,trfI h