Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1875-02-27
SOME FUN.


that there was another man in the city
bearin.; precisely the same name, and when
the death was announced, a good many OF
his friends thought he was dead, and they
resolved to 90 to the funeral On the day
of the funeral the living Shuckers also
thought he would go, partly for the purpose
of ascertaining how it felt to participate in
the obsequics of a man named VIM. D.
Shuckcrs. He took up a position in the
vestbule, and just us the mourners were
about to come out, a friend of his, named
Jones, saw him. The first impulse of Jones
was to rush through the kitchen, and climb
suddenly over the back fence, but he con-
trolled himself, aud aftey pokins Snuckers
in the ribs with his umbrella to de-
termine positively that he was not ghost,
he remarked:
"Why, Shuckers, what on earth are
you doing here? Why amt you in your
coffin ~
Coffin exclaimed Shuckcrs,; what d
you mean? What do | want with Il
coffin p
"Mr. Shuckers, you know you are dead.
Why, they got up all this gorgeous funeral
for you, all these carriages and pall-be1rers
and things, and the clergyman's just been
paying you splendid compliments that
any dead man might be proud Of.
But l tell you I'm not dead. I'm as
much alive as you are
"There IS no use of arguing the point,
S;hurkers; the occasion is too solemn for
controversy. But il you have any consid-
GRAFTON for the feelings OF your bereaved
family. who are weeping like mad up stairs,
and for the undertaken, who IL waiting in
side there with the screw-driver, you will
20 and get into your colin and behave.
It's indecent to carry on so at your own
funeral"
Jones" ny boy" str! Shuckers, you
have mistakcn--
"No, I'm not mistaken. You're dead
technically dead-anyhow. 1t has been
announced III all the papers, your relations
have gone into mourning, the Board Of
/ Trade has passed rcsolut ''3s of regret the
scpulchre has been dur, up there in the
cemetery, and the unde. t..kcr has gone to
considerable expense to inter you COM
fort lbly. Now, 90 and lie down, won't
you?'
"Hang the undertaken. - said Shuckers.
"No, I'll not go and lie down. I'll see you
in Kansas first"
"Now, see here. Shuckcr5, | came here to
attend your funeral and I'm not going to
be bafiied by any unseemly conduct or
the part of the cc!psc. oh you needn't
look at me. Either you get back into that
coffin. sos the lid can be screwed on. and
the procession can move off, or I'll put you
in tn re by force Ii intnlmnte remains
! like you can go scootin2s round in this in
cendilry manner, Wen soon h We the c2me-
teric. l,nloa i'm, and the unaumberel dead
crow ,n.s out and waiting to vote.
+ Then Jones called the unlcrt tkcr, who
knocked Smokers down with Il ctne, and
held him until he explained, and until the
( scared undcrt lkcr recorcrelhis clu lnimity,
which LETT him at the bare suggestion that
the corpse was Loose. Then the funeral
moved on to the cemetery, and Jones went
home, while Shuckers proceeded to an
aldcrmlns Office to swear out warrant
a sainst the un,lertlk.r for assault and bat
terry. He intends to change his name to
Duyknck.
IT WAS ONLY A LITTLE FUN.
happened to be in the Argus office the
other day, talking with Colonel Bangs, the
editor, when a d-whiskered man entered
and saluted the colonel by throwing a chair
at him. Then he seized Bangs by the hair.
bumped his head against the table three or
four times, and then kicked him ON theshins.
When this exhilerltins exercise was over,
the visitor shook his fist very close to the
colonels nose, and said.
"You mutton headed outcast, if you don't
put that notice in tomorrow I'll come
round yer and smash you up! Doyou heaI
me p
Then he cuffed Bangs ears couple OF
times, kicked him some more, emptied the
inkstand over his head, poured the sand
from the sand-boX in the same place, knoc ked
over the table and went out DurGng all
this time the colonel 1t still with Il sickly
kind of a smile on his face. and never ut
tered IL word. When the man left, Bangs
picked up the table, wiped the ink
and sand from his face, and turning to me
said:
"Gus will have his little fun, you
see.''
"He is a somewhat exuberant humorist,
Ireplied "Whlt was the object of the
joke ?"
well, he's going to sell his furniture al
auction, and promised to notice the fact
in to-day's Argus, but l forgot it, and ht
called to remind me of it"
'Do all your friends refresh your mem
ory in that vivid manner? If I'd beer
in your place, I'd have knocked hin
down.
"No you wouldn't" said Bangs mo yor
wouldn't. Gus is sheriff, and he controls
two thousand dollars worth of advertising
I'd sooner he'd kick me from here to Borne(
and back again than to take that advertis
ing away from the Argus, What's a few