Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-03-24

TIE YANKEE OUTwIrTKD.-A YANKEE
and a Frenchman owned . pig In CO.
partnership. When killing time came,
thew wished to divide the meat Inc
Yankee was very anxious to DIVIDE so
that he would get both hind quarters,
and persuaded the Frenchman that tine
proper vay to divide was TO cut 1t across
the back. The Frenchman agreed 70
II on condition that the Yankee would
turn his back and take choice OF the
pieces after it was cut IN two. Inc
Yankee turned his back, and the
Frenchman asked:
"Vich piece will you have-ze piece
wid ze tail on him, or zs piece vat am I
got no tail?
"The piece with the tail, replied the
Yankee.
"Den, BY gar, you can take him
along, and i take ze oder one, said the
pleased Frenchman.
Upon turning around, the Yankee
found that the Frenchman had cut on
the tail, and stuck it into the pigs
mouth.
The incongruities of hymns and the
manner of singing them by the awkward
division of repetition lines, are thus
noticed by Rev. DR.. Allan:
For instance, ''Love the better than
before" was divided "Love thee bet );
my poor polluted heart" became "Mv
poor pol :" "Wem catch the heeting
hour" was sung "We1l catch the fiee- ;"
"And take thy pilgrim home" became
Sand take thy pill Sand in the pious
he delights" was sung "And in the pi-
and in the pi- :" and ''Send down saliva
tion from on high" became "Send
down sal. A soprano in one case
sang "Oh for a man." and the chorus
responded "Oh for q mansion in the
skies" In another case the soprano
modestly sang ''Teach me to kiss" the
alto took up the strain, ''Teach me to
kiss, while the bass rendered it quite
prosaic by singing "Teach me to kiss
the rod.
DURING the great collapse of 1857, q
gentleman of color kept q bank In q
western city. His institution was ap-
parently in q sound condition, but to
be in fashion with the white folks he
concluded to fail. Next morning q
man came and shook the door, but
voice inside responded that "de bank
is closed" But the man replied that
he had left q new pair of boots there
the day before and wanted them. The
sable financier opened the door softly,
and throwing out one boot remarked,
I'VE is only paying fifty cents on de
dollar"
A oNR-LRGGED Yankee orator, named
Jones, was pretty successful in banter
ing an Irishman, when the latter asked
him: ''How did you come to lose your
leg?" "Well," said Jones, "on ex-
smining my pedigree, and looking up
my descent, 1 found there was some
Irish in me, and having become con-
vinced that it had settled in that left
leg, had it cut off at once" "Be the
powers" said Pat, sit would have been
. better thing if it had settled in your
head"
HERE is good thing on the ttater
bug" Three men comparing notes
One says, "there are two bugs to every
stalk" A second says. "they have cut
down my early crop and are sitting on
the fence waiting for my late crop to
come up" ''Pshaw !" said the third,
lyon know nothing about it. 1 passed
a seed store the other day and saw the
bugs looking over the books to see who
had purchased seed potatoes"
A DEGREE OF LAITTUDE.-There was
a most accommodating man who was
captain of q steamship. One day q
soldier lost his cap overheard, and went
to the captain about it. The old gen.
tleman said it was impossible to stop
the vessel to recover it, but he kindly
offered to make a mark on the rail
where it went overheard and get it when
he came back.
DUMB ANIMALS FAIR-Pretty Assist
ant /; "Won't you please make a small
purchase for the benefit of dumb ami
mails, sir ?" Young man with big
ears): ''No, thank yer. I'm not in
terested in dumb brutes myself. Pretty
Assistant 4: "Oh, but you must SYM
pathize with the poor donkeys, sir"
Young man keeps dumb.
A YoUNGsTER, while warming his
hands over kitchen fire, was remon-
strated with by his father, who said,
'Go way from the stove the weather
is not cold" The little fellow, looking
up at his stern parent demurely, re-
piled, Il amt heating the weather
I'm warming my hands,"
A MAN one hundred years old went to
have a pair of shoes made. The shop
keeper suggested that he might not
live to wear them out, when the old
man retorted that he commenced this
one hundred years good deal stronger
than he did the last one.
SENTIMENT is nothing but sentiment.
An ex-army captain in Colorado, when
dying, asked the boys to wrap the old
flag around him. They had no flag,
and SO they wrapped him in a coffee
sack, and he exclaimed "Ah may
you all die as proudly ~
A MAN went into a drug store, and,
says he: 81 wish you would give me
some Nancy Soda" ''Don't you mean
Sal Soda ?" says the clerk. "Wall,
now, don't know but you're right
l knew twas q girls name," said the
searcher for Sal.
A DUBUQUE boy was rather troubled
for fear that ne would not know his
father when they both reached heaven,
but his mother eased him by remark
ing: "All you have to do is to look for
an angel with red nose on him."
Bows AND BEAUx.-Frenchwom are
divided In opinion as to the revival of
bonnet strings, one party wishing to
have bows under their chins, while the
others are contented with keeping their
beaux under their thumbs.
WHEN foreigner finds that plague
is word of one syllable, and ague, q
part of the plague, is a word of two, he
wishes that the plague might take one