Los Angeles daily herald., 1875-05-28
Eus Aassles Asrala.
Flashes OF Fun.

At Tcctub SOIIy lOOt-IdCc uStWcCu
two girls the one with the blue gar
ter beat.
The saying "Excuse haste and bad
REM has been attributed to pig who
ran away from home.
The fellow, who asked for lock of
his girls hair, was informed that it
"costs money, hair does"
Carlyle is not fit man for census
taker. He says England is popula-
ted by 40,00O,000 souls-mostly fools.
Caudle says that his wife, at least,
whatever may be the experience of
census-takers with others of her sex,
is always ready to tell her rage.
"Jemima," said fashionable miss
to her friend, 'I think Charley Potts
is perfectly splendid: he can get on my
gloves, and wears spit-curls."
A plain Wisconsin man, Mortified at
over-hearing his wife calculate, THAT
is the kind of clothes-pin l am,n
went out to attempt suicide.
An exchange says, "We'll ride two
miles to see two brothers under twelve
years of age go to bed together with
out having dispute about something.
A Troy bigamist ran out of back
door while his two wives were fight
ing over the question as to which
should have him, and has not since
been seen.
When a Detroiter was asked the
other day by traveller If he bad ever
been in Brooklyn, he hastened to re-
ply: "Do look like one of that sort
of men, sir?
"I don't care much about the bugs"
said Walmley, to the head of gem
teel boading-house, "but the fact is,
madam, haven't the blood to spare;
you see that yourself"
1t has been discovered that shaky
firms usually belong to the Millerite
persuasion, because they all keep the
day of their going up profound Sc
cret.
A Chicago man thinks that the
worst speller ought to get the diction-
ary, and the winner should have a
'.wreath of sorrel," or some other gar
den sass, like them Greeks.
When Western man gets di-
vorce from crusading and strong
minded wife, the papers say, "Mr. So
and-so has resigned his position as
husband for Mrs. So-and-so."
The Providence Press says tbs never
heard in funeral Grafton or sermon,
and seldom in private conversation.
the opinion expressed that man
with $4,000 income had gone to hell.
Every man who mails a package
subject to the new postage rates drops
it into the hole with the wish that
Senator Hamlin had to sit for two
hours on a hot shovel.
"Don't call on me for three days."
is what an Ashland girl posted on the
front gate, and she further added:
"pm going to eat some onions this
week if never have another BEAU"
A quiet, peaceable gentlman in
Philadelphia has recently given up
business, sent his family into the
country, and calmly announces his
determination of devOting the remain
der of his life to discovering the man
who sent him a paving stone by ex-
press, with SIT charges on 1t.
"Have you any eggs?" inquired a
peaceful looking old man as he leaned
over the counter of hardware store
recently. mo, sir,-this is a hard
ware store; we keep nails, stoves,
etc. answered the clerk. "Well, 1
did want some eggs" slowly drawled
the old man, "but l hain,t particular,
and you may give me pound OF
nails.
1t is related of certain minister,
who was noted for his long sermons
with many divisions, that one day
when he was advancing among his
teens, he reached at length kind OF
resting-place in his discourse, when,
pausing to take breath, he asked the
Question: "And what shall I say
more?" A voice from the cOngrega-
ton earnestly responded, "Say
Amen"
"When was travelling in Massa-
chusetts, some twenty years ago."
said traveller, "I had seat with the
driver, who, on stopping at the post
Office, saluted an Unlocking fellow on
the steps with, Good morning, Judge
Sanders; / hope you're we'll, sir?
After leaving the office, asked the
driver if the man he spoke to was re-
ally a JuuSts ScIediHiy foil hO 10
piled. we had cock fight last
week, and he was made judge on that
OCCASION
Yesterday was indeed an eventful
day in the life of lady on West Jack
son street, Chicago. During a trip on
the street cars to State street and
back, she saw the loveliest polanaise
pattern she ever saw in her life, the
handsomest fellow she ever saw in
her life, the homeliest woman she
ever saw in her life, got the worst
fright she ever had in her life from
the drunkest man she ever saw in
her life, never was SO insulted in hel
life as she was by young man on the
car, and finally got home feeling
more tired than she ever felt in hel
life