The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-03-11
"GOing to Maria"

Just at this time, says the st. Joseph
Herald, there is a lively competition among
railroad ticket agents to secure travel over
their respective lines. Rates East have
been cut, travel has increased in conse-
quence, and each Western road wants to
have its full share.
Yesterday portly, pleasant-looking old
gentleman came in on the train from the
north, and started up Francis Street, car
pet-sack in hand. He was evidently far
mer, and probably belonged to the Gran
gers. AT this precise juIcture l.. M. Dunn,
ticket agent of the st. Louis, Kansas City
and Northern Line, happened to be glanc-
inc out of his window, and saw the travel
er and his carpet-sack. He met him half
way between Long Branch and the Pacific,
and commenced as follows:
Going East, sir?"
Yes" was the reply.
''Ah! Step right up to the Union ticket
Office. Great through line, sir. Land
you in New Y ork sixteen hours in advance
of any other route. Finest sleeping and
dining cars in the world. Chicken three
times day, and beds free from vermin.
Batter on two plates and molasses all over
the table. Come right along, sir"
The innocent countryman walked along
ticket agent of the Hannibal and st.
Joseph Railroad, greeted him affectionate-
ly with:
" Going East, sir?"
YES" again.
"Glad to meet you. Step right into the
office: Shortest line by thirty-three miles
and half to New York; put you in there
nine hours ahead of any other line. Finest
eating-houses in the world. Soup three
times a day, and fieas expelled from the
sleepers daily. Come in, sir"
Before the astonished countryman could
recover from his bewilderment at these
sudden and unexpected manifestations of
interest in his welfare, Dan. Mountain, of
the Kansas City. st. Joseph and Council
Bluffs, tackled him with:
"Going East. sir?"
"Yes." Rather curtly.)
"rm just the man you want to see.
Come along with me. Office mot on the
corner Best and shortest route by long
shot to any point. Put you through in
jiffy. Splendid sleepers, and codfish-balls
for breakfast. Conductors all of pious
and respectable parentage, and fires kept
up constantly. Come along, SIR"
The unfortunate man was completely
dumbfounded, and before he could re-
cover, I<duSIlliu iidu ny OiiC
Mountain by the other, while Dunn chung
tightly to the coat-tail, and he was hustled
into the Hannibal and st. Joe. office,
where another parley took place.
"What point are you going top was
asked by three disinterested individuals
simultaneously.
"GOin' to Maria"
Instantly three railroad maps were
jerked out, and for full fifteen minutes
three pairs of eyes inspected them closely.
Then each of said pairs of eyes looked at
the other, and finally all eentered on the
gentleman from the rural districts. Then
one question was asked by three persons:
"Where is Maria p
where's Maria? Why, | s'pose she's
tn hum. Maria's my wife, and lives six
miles east of town, and if I didn't want to
60 to her where the - would want
to go?''
The railroad maps were put up quicker
than lightning, and in less than two min
utes time Dunn was seated in his office
consulting an abominable pipe, Dan
Mountain was busily engaged in admiring
Lou Thompson's magnificent new four
story plug hat, and Major Laughlin was
calmly contemplating the prospective ar
rival of the next street ear.
The man bound for 81 Maria left in one
of Fish & Hutchinson's sleighs.