Montgomery County sentinel. [volume] (Rockville, Md.) 1855-1974, 1875-03-19
HUMOROUS.

Carl Schurz thinks the country would
be safe if young men would all get mar
ried and settle down. And the girls
would subscribe to that sentiment.
The song of the Washington youth:
~ want to be lobby man and in the
lobby stand, with brass upon my fore
head and greenbacks ia my hand"
A Nevada paper says that owing to the
incursions of the chinch bug last year
the two great staples of the State at pres
ent are red haired girls and cord-wood.
The following notice, written on the
door of village school house, would
seem to indicate that the schoolmastcr is
abroad ikea at the wooden house
necks DOR"
"See," said sorrowing wife, how
peaceful the cat and dog are" " Yes, :"
said the petulant husband, "but just
tie them together and see how the fur
will fly"
When man comes into newspaper
office, asks for paper, and inquiries,
"How much is the damage" without
making even pretense to putting his
hands in his pocket, we haveour opinion
of that man.
The St. Louis Globe mustmean some
thing when it says:
Her skirts were white
Her face was red,
"0h, help me up"
Was what she said.
eThen you won't lend me that dime
novel, eh inquired one boy of another in
the post office Saturday. ''No | won't"
"All right, then; next time our chimney
burns'out you shan't come into the yard
and whoop and holler!"
A colored gentleman of Montgomery,
Ala, has, we notice, unexpectedly left
a vacancy in the jury-box to accept a
position on the city ehaiu-gang, kindly
rendered him in consequence of a misun-
Outstanding about the ownership of some
hogs.
While couple of women were discuss
ing the other day the merits of "a certain
physician, one of them asked the other
what kind of doctor he was. ''Sure,
l dunno" was the reply, but | think
it's an aIapaco doctor they call him"
A Milwaukee paper thinks cit is
simply absurd to talk about a woman
being qualified to ell every position in
life that man fills. For instance, what
woman could lounge around the stove in
country grocery and lie about the mum
Der Of fish she caught last summer 7"
A coored preacher remarked: "When
God made the fust man he sat him up
agin de fence to dry" "Who made dc
fence?' interrupted an eager listener.
Put dat man outw exclaimed the col
ored preacher; "such questions as dat'd
destroy all the theology in de world"
A precocious boy in an uptown family
was asked which was the greater evil OF
the two. hurting another's feelings or his
finger. He said the former. Right,
my dear child" said the grati6ed ques-
toner, land why is it worse to hurt the
feelings ?" because you can't tie rag
around them" explained the dear child.
+" Herbert" said perplexed moth.
er, why is it that you're not better
boy 2" f" Well" said the little fellow
soberly, looking up into her face with
his honest blue eyes, =" | suppose the rea
reason is that don't want to-be !" We
think the child gave the real reason why
all of us, big as well as little, are no
better than we are.
At precisely three and quarter min
utas past five last evening ex-Presiden
johnson, while standing on the Capito
steps. was observed to pull woodel
toothpick from his right hand vest peck
ct, bite quarter Of an inch off the en-,
of it, and remark to friend, Look
like rain tonight" A Washington re
porter was so fortunate as to secure bot
the remark and the splinter as they fe
from the speakers lips.
He laid down the basket of chips
had piltered, and looking hard at the Vi
chin who had been making target
him by shooting at him with ''nigg,
killer" said: "Whar wus you raiset
chile?" "Shucargo." said the youu
hocdlum, 'In the Norf?" Yeth, thur
81 tort so. Sudden white folks childr,
wuddunt do like DAT. Lemme tell 70
honey. manners gwine to carry you fu
der den money. You heard me %
Editing newspaper is pleasa
thing. fit contains too much polite
matter, people won't have it; if it co
tains too little, they won't have it.
the type is too large, it don't conta
enough reading matter; if the type
too small. they can't read it. If We ha
few jokes. folks say we are nothing b
rattle-heads; if we publish original ma
ter, they blame us for not giving the
original selections; if We publish orig
nal selections. folks say that we are t
lazy, for giving them what they ha
read in some other paper. If we do n
pay all bills promptly, folks say we a
not to be trusted ii We do pay promI
ly, then they say we stole the money.