The Stark County Democrat. [volume] (Canton, Ohio) 1833-1912, 1875-07-15
WANTS TO MARRY.
BUT IS PARTICULAR AS TO THE
WOMAN.

WUMdN.
Somebody signing himself Henry Vim
cent writes as follows to the Chicago
Tribune from Lexington, Illinois
III am young man on the sweet side
of 80. am rich. | suppose am worth
as much as 100000. / have cultivated
and harvested my wild oats. Ihave seen
all desire to see of the world. have
travelled all over the globe. 1 have stood
awe-struck and dumb with astonishment
by the Pyramids, l have gazed upon
the cold and smileless countenance of
the Sphinx, which has stood for centu'
ries the mute monument of departed
glory. have sailed through the streets
of glorious Venice in gondola, and been
wooed to love-dreaming slumber on the
bosom Of the Adriatic by the loye-song
of gay gondolier. / have visited the
Alhambra by moonlight, and beheld
with ecstacy beauteous Spanish maidens
dancing to the music of castanet and lutte.
Jerusalem l have wept over, and stood
within the solemn halls of the Mosque
of Omar. The toAb of Titus has been
drenched by my tears. | made pill
grimage to Mecca, and have quenched
my thirst at the well of st. Dunstan. |
once blew my nose on the top of the
Tower of Pisa, and | had the good for
tune to ascend in balloon from the
summit of Pompey's Pillar | have wan
dered through the ruins of Herculaneum,
and eaten of bread baked 1,700 years
ago. | swan the Hellespont, and took
refuge in the ParthenOn, in violent
thunder storm. have travelled over
the Appian Way, and slobbered on the
big toe of his Sublime Eminence Pope
Plus TX. have inspected several thou
sand mummies, and made journey to
Ujiji. | have passed incog. through
Teberan and Samarcand, bathed in the
Black Sea, and danced jig on top of the
Kremlin. | wept three gallons of tears
at the grave of Heloise and Abelard, and
walked through the sewers of Paris. |
visited the battlefield of Waterloo, and
picked up thirty-two bushels of bullets,
which | now have in my cabinet Of Gu
riosities. | have seen the largest ele-
phant in the world, which is in the royal
stables of the King of Siam. He is 1870
feet high, and so broad across the back
that forty common elephants might
stand on him, with space enough between
them to play game of Croquet have
seen all the natural curiosities in the
world. ] have visited the most stupen-
duous precipices, and awful CULTS and
chasms, that are to be found on the
globe. l was once at the crater of Vesu-
vius when lady fell in; filled with ter
ror jumped after her, and miraculously
caught her when she reached the depth
Of 800 feet, and we were drawn up with
ropes. was once on the top OF the high
est mountain in the world, | got so high
that my watch stopped, and it was i'm
possible for human being TO breathe a
minute. | remained over an hour at
that giddy height. | am perfectly sur
feited with travel and sight-seeing-yea,
| am disgusted.
AS for the fashionable world I am sick
of that. have been at all of the society
resorts and haunts of pleasure in the
world. l have tasted of the waters at
Ems. Baden-Baden has seen my sweet
countenance. / have been among the
elite, the upper-ten, the bon ton. l have
sat within the luxurious and wanton
courts of royalty; and what a mess of
sinking humanity it all is-faugh |
can't express my disgust. | have seen
all the pretty o,ably, the Prin-
cess of Wales and the ex-Empress Eu-
| am disgusted with pretty
women. l am disgusted With travel,
with society, with pretty women, with |
hollow humanity-in short, | am dis
gusted with everything and everybody 1 |
have ever seen, and now want to settle |
down into quiet, domestic life. To be
brief, | want to marry.
Here is sort of woman | don't
want; / don't want a fool. Idon't want
one that thinks she is awful pretty. l
don't want one that pretends she don't |
know the nature of the animal called |
a hog, and, when she sees one, imagines
itisa lion or tiger, and shrieks, "0h, deah |
Jawge, do shoe that hog off; Pm so
afraid of a hog" and faints away, and |
has to be carried home on shutter.
Here is a sort of woman | de want
| want one that's ugly. | want one with
a cultivated mind; one that sees life as it
is, and has contempt for smelling bot
ties; a hopeful, tender, loving soul, that
can eat with a knife and fork, and will
not turn up her nose at pork and beans.
/ wants woman who can visit slaugh-
tering establishment, where they are
killing 10000 hogs day, and contem-
plate the scene with interest and enthu-
Siasm. l want woman who can eat
seven peas at one sitting without having
Mysteries,
should be pleased to open correspon-
dence with any ladies matrimonially in.
clined on the American continent lex
cepting residents of the city of Brooklyn;
no communications from that city will be
but, of course, l shall expect
that ladies answering this solicitation
will at first say they are merely in fun