The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-07-20
Those Circus Bills.
AN AGED FEMALE ACROBAT coNrUsEs A
MODEST YOUNG MAN.


She was old ld.fashioned in look. There
we're strings to her bonnet, she had no
hustle, her gray hair was combed down
smoothly, and there we're only eleven
yards in her black alpaca dress.
"Young man, don't you know that cir
cuses are awful liars and humbugs ?" she
finally inquired.
The man at the table leaned back in
his chair and refused to express an opin-
ion.
"WeIl, | know it," she continued in a
positive tone, "and | believe they git wuss
every day. Now see bere-listen to
this: "A gorgeous panorama of amazing
wonders-a gigantic combination of as.
tonishng acrobatic talent. They's all
right on the poster, but hev they got 'em ?
I'd like to see some o. them animals"
you're laboring under mistake mad.
am. 1t means grand display Of nat
ural curiosities, and informs the public
that the proprietor has secured many
hrst.class acrobats-the chaps who stand
on their heads, turn head over heels, aud
cut up so many monkey Shines
sit does, eh ?'' she unused; "waal, do
you believe it takes q smart person to
keel over ?"
"Well, one is to have good deal Of
training
They do eh ~ she remarked, as sbo
put her umbrella in the corner and spit
on her hands; "I'l show you that YOU
are deceived I'm an old woman. but if
[ cant
Madam, hold on-don't do it," el.
claimed the man behind the table.
81 can flop right over there and never
shake my bonnet" she said as she rose
up.
81 know you can, madam, but don't. |
am here alone, and II don't want you
to. I'd rather you wouldn't. If YOU
are determined on it, l shall leave the
room !"
"Wel, you know can DO It. and that's
enough. You may be right about what
that means, but see here-hear this
The highways ablaze with resplenleut
chariota the grandest pageant on earth.
I've bin to lots of circuses, young man,
and never saw pageant yet. If they
had one the door Of his cage wasn't
OPEN"
"You are also in error there. The
bill refers to the fact that the great mum.
ber Of wagons, charots, &C., make up a
sight worth seeing as they pass along the
street"
"Um.m m, she muttered as she fold
q l.I L.. al
couldn't have said SO then. And now
SEQ here-read that; Sig. Govnoff, iu
his aerial flights Now, then, is that
boa constructor or cundurango ?"
at is man, madam-one Of the Der.
formers. His real name is probably
Jenes but that isn't grand enou gb, aud
so they put him down as Sig Govinof
lie is the man VIII o jumps of rope, turus
over twice, and comes down all right"
ale is Ell ? Well, If he's got any idea
that he's the smartest man alive | want
to disappoint him. | never did try to
turn over twice, but I'll do it right here
and now or break my neck Git the
things olf'n that table ~
"Stay madam don't. wouldn't
have you do it for City dollars"
"Just once !"
"For heavens sake, madam, get down
offn this le-here-here's dollar if
you won't do it ~
81 dQpt want your money and | wont
try it tifyou are so scarf, but | uUu
want no circus going around talking about
aryal flights and deceivin' the people :"
She sat down, and the young man
wiped the sweat eff his brow, and presen,
ly she remarked
And here's another thing, right here
"A sparkling asterisk, flashing across the
field of the cloth of gold--Mons. Gomeri-
que in his great delineations of human
character Id like to know who she is ?"
"Madam, that's mana man who
delineates character
"How ~
"Wby, he makes up faces-expresses
mirth, sorrow, Joy, and so forth"
"He does eh Well, what's that to
blow about Make up faces-see here! !"
And she shut her eyes, run her tongue
out, and looked like the bottom of brass
kettle which had been kicked in by a
mule,
"They are humbugs, sir - she said as
she drew her tongue in, land dye spose
I'd pay fifty cents to go to one ?"
"They are quite entertaining as
general thing"
They are, eh Entertaining, ell ?
Well, if | cant do more entertaining 10
five minutes than circus can do all day
I'll leave my bonnet up here Here, hold
on to the legs Of this chair ~
"Madam, | earnestly hope you are not
going to perform any tricks"
II hain't, eh ? You just hold on TO the
legs of this chair !"
81 can't, madam wouldn't do it for
all the diamond pins in Syracuse 60
away madam-go home I'm in 40
awful hurry !"
"Well, | won't then but when | say
circuses are humbugs can prove it,
don't keer two cents for their big words
and their panoplies, pngeauts, asterisks,
giraffes, aryals, georgouses and ourang-
outangs-l can beat 'em all holler my
self"
And she took of her speetacles, lifted
her umbrella, and went down stairs
Detroit Free Press.
PUBLISHERS or NEwsPApERs-an more
particularly local newspapers, have to
depend mainly upon their advertising
columns for their support. Yet how
many are there who seem not to realize
this fact. Instead Of giving their paper
liberal advertising patronage, they per
haps give it none; and it levee or en-.
tertainmeut is got up in the place, the