The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-04-10
VARIETY.

=G VARIETY. u Ea
WIDows.-When a widow in any neighbor-
hood sets her cap for young man, there isn't
one chance in n million for any young woman to
win, even IL she bold the four aces.
BExS DncovERKD.-Now, after lapse Of
ninety odd years il has been discovered that spit
tiDg ontbe bait dOesn't help in the least catch
the hsh. fs there any one in America who isn't
az mad as blazes?
"Spokes," in his new work on street courtesy,
says the proper thing for gentleman to do IN
the 90 Hub" when he finds that he has passed
lady by mistake, is to " wheeIwright" round and
"joiner.'
A plumber had Irish lad in bis employ, and
one day, having occasion to use piece Of zinc,
ordered him 20 get twelve inches square.
% Yes, sir, said Pat, twelve inches square, but
how long?"
On his return from tour down the Rhine,
last fall, Lavender was asked what he thought Of
the views, when he answered: Well, Of all
the views / eIapped nay eyes on, the finest, to my
taste, was the Vieux Cognac." -
s'What becomes OF all the pins Pr. If the
writer Of that will move round the house in his
stocking feet after day Of dress-making, he will
get more real valuable information on the subject
than all the books in the word can give him.
An ambitions Texan having read somewhere
about the Pope's - bulls announces in one OF
the papers published in the interior Of the State,
that be has three -year-old brindle steer, blInd
OF oqe eye, that he viii match to whip any bull
the Pope can produce.
A man who was sentenced to be hung was
visited By bis wife, who said, '' My dear, would
you like the children to see you executedP'
s' No." replied he. ssThat's just like you,"
said she '' for you never wanted the children to
have any enjoyment"
A philosopher borrowed dictionary to read
and returned il after he got through, With the
mark 90 that il VERY nice reading, but it
somehow changed the subject VERY often" IL
was his sister who thought the first ice-eream she
tasted zas 81 leetle touched with the FROST
Jules Janin is reported to have said few
days before his death, he lay his sofa in his
diningroOm, - suppose / am celebrated am
great writer am member OF the Academy l
would renounce all the glory to walk around this
room without assistance ~
wEsrERS TEmPxxANcE.-A California temper
ance association limits the beverages Of its MEM
bers TO wine, beer, and cider, I" except when
lAbouring under a sense OF discouragement, and
then whiskey shall be allowed" :" They are said
70 be the most discouraged temperance people in
the State.
TKASsArLASTIC REPoRTING.-The {" personal
announcements in Western papers combine con-
eiseness with pleasant vagueness; as, for exam
pie, q Nevada journal says, as There was no regu-
lar trial in the case Of John Flanders yesterday.
He had an interview in the woods with q few
friends, however, and il 10 perfectly certain that
John will never burgIe any more"
Lady Barker, in n recent work, gives her idea
Of a mode boy as follows: 's If / could make q
mode boy, III tell you what he should he like.
He should love cold water and hate lie. He
should be frank and unsuspieious as becomes q
noble, trusting nature, and yet he should be
neither silly nor soft. He should have plenty of
manias He should have an appetite like Wolf,
for should wish him 10 be tall and strong but
he must not be Bit greedy. He should have
fne sweet temper. YET he should be as the Yam
kee song says an orkered man in a row. and
he should know how to take care of himself with
his fists"
The Louisville CourIer-J0urnGI is responsible
for the following: a. Gentlemen" said pious
old Democrat to the bystanders on the streets in
Nashville last Tuesday afternoon, for the last
FORTY years have endeavOred to live the life of
consistent Christian, and during that whole time
I have studiously avoided the utterance of all
language unbecOming the Christian character,
but cannot speak Of this thing without giving
away to the widest profanity; you will therefore
excuse me when say that the man, woman or
child who voted for Andrew johnson, or was any
way instrumental in securing his elect - TO the
United States Senate. is a miserably and Ostenta-
tiousIy ramifed subeutaneous parallax and
The Bloomington (In.) PGntograph says Mr..
Damon a gentleman selling shoes for leading
mandatory Of Worcester (Mass-), was in the
city Yesterday, and in addition to his other bag
gage brought with him and exhibited 10 n few
admiring friends a shoe that has done good ser
vice on the foot Of a reIgning belle Of Sandusky,
Ohio. This delicate souvenir might well be
placed in comparison with the glass that com
pressed the arching instep Of Cinderella. The
Sandusky bellies is numbered /" IL, extra large"
s fourteen inches from toe to heel and six inches
across the brOadest part of the sole. In addition
TO the main ediice there Is n bay window on the
east side Of the gaiter, to accommodate few
exotic bunions, and extensive corn patch to
the west A. back porch has also been construct
ed on the heel to protect growth IN that direc-
ton, while one tiny toenaiI has cut cash like a
spade slash out into daylight on the northern
most point OF the structure. The girl only
weighs s5 pounds, and has received commission
to 90 west next Summer 70 tramp grasshopPers