The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1875-08-06
The Boy at the Soda Fountain.
A STARTLING TALE THAT HE TOLD TO 4
POOR OLD LADY WHO wAa THIRSTY.

A STARTLING TALE THAT HE TOLD TO A !
POOR OLD LADY WHO WAS THIRSTY.
He was rinsing the glasses when the old
lady entered the store. 1t was hot weather, (
and the soda fountain looked so tempting
that she conquered her avarice and walked
over and told the boy that she would take /
a glass.
''Do you wish for fly in it?'' he in
quired in whisper.
ga fly? grashus no - she replied, a
look of disgust on her face.
''Just as you say, madam" he went on
as he drew some lemon syrup. ''People
are so different in tastes, You know. Some
object to flies and some don't. I'll mix
some pineapple syrup with this lemon, and
now will you have great deal of gas and
a little water, or "a great deal of water and
a little gasP'
''I'm purity thirsty" she said,
"Well, then you want more water than
gas, and there won't be SO much danger of
an explosion"
Explosion ?" she queried.
'That was the word, madam. We have
had but few such accidents here this sum-
mer, and 1 truly hope that we may have no
more"
'Does soda water blow UP folks ?''
THAT depends on the state of their
health. Some people could stand here and
drink all day, while others might get the
glass tipped up this way, and boom ! they'd
gol'
"Bust ?''
eyes m-fy into a thousand pieces.
You never saw a human being explode,
did you P''
''Mercy, nor'
'Well, you don't have the least warning.
They may be laughing or talking, and all
at once the store is filed with false hair,
monogram garters, bustles, corsets, feet,
teeth, and rolled plate jewelry. 1t makes
a great muss around here, and if we hadn't
three of the smartest negroes in town to
! pick up and sweep out we'd have to shut
up the store for whole afternoon after an
explosion"
+ He stood with the glass in his hand agi-
tating the syrup and waiting, and she
said:
81 didn't suppose it was dangerous
stuff
'Well, as 1 told you, it depends on the
state Of the system. If your liver is torpid
! and your digestion impaired, one glass of
soda water would blow you higher than
I Gilderoy's kite, and the coroner would be
lucky to find as much as your spectacles to
hold an inquest on. If your system is all
right, you might drink a hundred glasses
and feel no disastrous effects. Now, then,
you'll have good deal of water and but
little gas, ell ?'
1 She made deprccatory motion and
asked
| ''How's the stuff made ?''
''Well, / can't go on and explain all the
process. There's marble dust, acid, gas,
sugar coated pills, giant powder, cologne
water and kerosene all mixed together and
then distilled. The distilled liquid is
placed in a retort, where a chemical action
separates it, and the gas forces it up separ-
ate pipes"
| kerosene and pills - she gasped.
''That's what ] said, madam. You look
innocent and honest, and l hope you on's :
say anything about it. I tend this fuun-
tain in order to support a widowed mother
and seven fatherless children. If you
should say anything I'd be discharge, n d
ifIwere discharged should commit suicide.
You'll have plenty Of water ell ?''
''No, sir, | won't" she replied. "Dc
you suppose I'd drink acids and kerosene?'
Not in their crude state, madam, but
this process -''
81 don't care for the process ~ she snap
ped 81 wouldn't touch the stuff -
at is a mild beverage, madam, and the
''Well, l don't want any. When 60 to
swallering tar and lard and kerosene Sou II
know it !! S'posen | drank some and ex-
ploded ~
"Don't mention it ~ he whispered
'tDont speak Of it ~
'1'm sorry for you, young man, but
there's a constable living right in sight Of
our house, and think I-I-r'
you'll drive me to a suicides grave,
you mean -
She lowered her spectacles, took look
at him, and went out without replying
Detroit Free Press.
THERE are no wooden houses, not even
barns and sheds in the british Islands