The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-08-05
WHOLE NO. l472.
Miscellaneous.
A pair of tights-two drunkards.
A-veil-able space-a woman's face

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Boys have divers reasons for hookeying
from school just now. If you doubt it
examine their hair.
The children in Florida say they live
on sweet potatoes in the summer, and on
strangers in the winter.
The Wisconsin farmer who left candle
burning in the barn so as to scare thieves
away has no barn to watch now.
Are there any fools in this city2 ask
ed a stranger of newsboy. mo; do
| you feel lonesome p was the reply.
A little wart-backed hop-toad will
break up a croquet party quicker than
the darkest thunder cloud that ever
gathered
II wonder what makes my eyes so
weak, said fop to gentleman. They
are in a weak place" responded the
latter
A landlord having let ali his houses
but one, was asked if that unlet house
was his last. "Yes, last, but not leased"
was his reply.
"How odd it is" said Pat, as he trudg-
ed along on foot one hot sultry day,
that a man never meets a cart going
the same way he isl'
Ornitho-logic If all birds that sing
are songsters, then all birds that roost
are roosters; hence all hens are roosters.
"Sir" said an old judge to a young
lawyer, "'you would do well to pluck
some of the feathers from wings of your
imagination and stick them in the tail
of your judgment
Some one, evidently novice, pro-
pounds the following: why do they
do up so much more of pears, peaches,
and small fruits now than formerlyY
Because they 'can." -.
A bad little boy, upon being promised
five cents by his mother if he would take
a dose of castor oil, obtained the money,
and then told his parent that she might
castor oil in the street.
A young man in California began to
read a paragraph about mine to his
sweetheart commencing "Yoba mine"
when she interrupted him with II
don't care if 1 do, John.
mo, gentlemen of the jury" thundered
an eloquent advocate the other day in
Denver Court, this matter is for his
honor to decide, who sits there sleeping
so beautifully" His honor opened sboth
eyes and his mouth, and said: "An
owing to your narcotic speech, sir"
An old lady, on hearing that young
friend had lost his place on account of
misdemeanor, exclaimed: miss De-
meanor? Lost his place on account of
Miss Demeanor2 Well, we'll I'm afeared
its too true that there's allus woman at
the bottom of mans dificultiesP
A Boston editor bushes for the ignor-
ance of three young girls of that city who
tried to get their horses head down SO
that it could drink by unbuckling the
crupper. Probably the same girls who
unbuckled the breeching strap going
down HILL because it pulled against the
poor horse so.
at circus, while the rope-walker was
going through his performance, a boy
about twelve years old turned to an ac-
quaintance of the same age and remark
ed: tom, don't you wish you could do
that?' "Yes, L do sadly replied Tom,
''but my folks make me go to school and
are determined that shan't never be
nobody
An elderly gentleman, returning home
from church, began to extol the merits
Of the sermon to his son. Said he:
Jack, l have heard one of the most de-
lightful sermons ever delivered before
gate of heaven" "Why didn't you dodge
in p replied Jack; Y ou will never have
another such chance"
Louisville comes to the front with a
new feature in the management of hotel
dining rooms. At the Gait House hun
dred negro walters, all wearing white
spike-tail coats, run on roller skates and
bear delicious viands to the guests with
l,o,lk ~, nv, a01
lision occurred, and hail storm of vict-
uals covered the wearing apparel of the
bald headed epicures.
A Virginia paper announces the mar
riage of Miss Jane Lemon to Mr.. Ebenezer
Sweet whereupon somebody perpetrates
the following:
"How happy the extremes do meet
In Jane and Ebenezer;
She's no longer sour but sweet,
And he's Lemon squeeZeri
One of the importunate Juveniles who
solicit pennies was asked: Where is
your motherY She answered diffdent-
ly: she is dead. Have you no
father2' Eyes, sir; but he is sick"
what ails him2" continued the ques-
"Indeed% "Yes. sir Then why
don't he cut it off, please, sir" res
ponded the little maid, "he hain't got
any money to buy knife"
At a camp-meeting last summer, ven-
erable sister began the hymn
my soul be on thy guard;
Ten thousand foes arise"
She began in shrill quavers, but it was
pitched too high "Ten thousand-Ten
thousand" she screeched, and stopped.
Start her at 5,000' cried converted
stock broker present
An American gentleman was riding on
top the of coach, in the Trossacks, in
company with two enthusiastic Scotch
men, who had never been there before.
Passing a sheet of water one of them ex-
claimed to the other, Look, Sandy,
there's Loch Lommond," and turning to
the American, he said shave We ony
thing like thot in American "Oh yes"
replied he, why we have lakes there
that you can sail on for days. without
seeing landl" "Oghr' grunted the
Scotchman as he turned to his companion,
"he's leeing Yonkee.
1t never pays to fret and growl
When fortune seems our foe; "oi'
The better bred will push ahead
And strike the braver blow.
For luck is work
And those who shirk
Should not lament their doom,
But yield the play
And clear the way, A-93
That better men have room.
The wife of the late Professor Agassiz
rose one morning and proceeded, accord
ing to custom to put on her stockings