Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-06-09
Wit and Wisdom.

VIZ slNu VlSuOuls
IHE best material for kites is fly
paper.
TO remove dandruff-Go to Arizona
and interview the Apaches.
AN autograph letter-With some folks
it is an x.
WHAT word la always pronounced
wrong even by the best scholars
Wrong.
'"IRULY," remarks a reader of the
Sun, ''we know that Dana may bring
forth :,
A MAN who gets along swimmingly-
Paul Boyton.
HE plainest woman in the world may
be passing fare-in car.
Holsters of oysters have stopped
work, but there are (r)oysters still
about
The economical man makes that
great stream the mother Of rivers, and
spells it Mrsippi.-Boston Advertiser.
THE new Alexandra Palace, in Lon
don, was opened on May 1 with grand
musical performance under the direc-
ton of Sir Michael Costa.
PRECoCIoUs boy munching the fruit
OF the date tree: Mamma, if [ eat
dates enough will I grew up to be az
almanac 2"
TRAVELLER Ito landlord)-" Show me
room with a good fire in it, for I am
very wet; and send me a tankard Of
ale for I'm very dry.
SOFTLY now the tender hearted wife
imparts to her searching husband the
intelligence that she sent his linen
clothes to the Kansas sufferers last
| winter
"AND Solomon slept with his
| father" Which the New Orleans Re-
publican thinks, was piece of domes-
tic economy which reflected the bright
est credit upon him.
THE following notice, written on the
| door of village school-house, would
seem to indicate that the schoolmaster
is abroad: ikea at the wuden hous
! necks door"
AN Atkinson, Kansas, girl ate four
| pounds of wedding cake IN order that
she might dream of her future husband.
| And now she says money wouldn't hire
ner to marry the man she saw in that
dream.
AN editor who is evidently man of
| family sagely remarks that boy who
yells like Tartar if a drop of water
! gets on his shirt band when his neck
Is being washed, will crawl through
sewer after ball and think nothing of
| it.
A cocKNEY who has visiting Germany.
! and who was shown the wonders of the
clock at the Cathedral of Strasburg,
said that was all very well, but he ex-
| pected to see more in that Watch on
the Rhine that every body had been
talking about.
"HERE Warren FELL said the jani-
tor at Bunker Hill to young man from
Andover, "Poor man, said the divin-
ity student, {" / hope he WAS prepared.
Did he fall from the middle or the top
window Of the monument 2"-NeW Or
| leans Republican.
ONCE when Rufus Choate had been
publicly and rudely set upon and snub-
bed by Chief Justice Shaw, he said III
tones just distinct enough to be audi
BILE to the bar, and inaudible to the
judge: ''The chief justice doesn't know
much about law, but what polite man
he is
PRAor1cAn Christianity Yes, sir"
yelled a preacher in Dakota church
one Sunday morning, "there's more
living and stealing and swearing and
general deviltry to the square inch in
this here town than in all the rest of
this here American country" and then
the congregation got up and dumped
the preacher out of the window.
A SINGULAR coincidence occurred in
Indianapolis the other day. A number
of Young colored children lined the
edge of the sidewalk in front of
second-rate menagerie, and were shout
ing at the ticket taker: $50 up, old
bald head I" when suddenly the bear on
exhibition inside of the tent broke
loose and jumped out at the door. The
little ones, mindful OF the fate which
overlook the wicked children who revl-
ed Elijah, scattered IN every direction.
and the bear was captured before he
could do any harm.
By declining to eat things that you
want because they are unhealthy, by
going to bed early when you want to
sit up, and by making your life
wretched in a thousand ways, you have
chance Of living to ripe old age, if
that is any satisfaction to you. You
want to avoid being drowned, crushed
by q falling sign-board, or killed in
railroad accident to make this recipe
effective.
ssIsh dere some ledder here for mea z"
inquired German at the delivery WIZ
dow of the post Office yesterday, says
the Detroit Free Press No, none
here" was the reply. "Vheu, dot Is
queer" he continued getting his Mead
into the window: My neighbor gets
sometimes ds.ee ledders day urd.l get
none. bays more daxes as he does,
und I haf never got one letter yet.
How comes dose dings