The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-07-31
WIT AND WISDOM.
RATES or ADVERTISING
EiRht hnea constituta A luumra

| AhC AtHtbtt PdbietlCallg slhBSy
"Tis sweet to wait but Oh how bitter
To wait for a girl and then not git 'er."
A tourist who was asked in what part Oh
Switzerland he felt this heat the most re-
pied, "When / was going to Berne.'
( Burn.
A boy, named Levi, ate ten baskets Of
Strawberries yesterday Oh wager.-Baltl-
more paper. Wen wager il didn't Levi
ate his condition much. Mail
Lizzie, aren't you going to church this
morning T. "No, dear, the pews are so
narrow, you know, and | couldn't think Of
going without my hustle, and she did
not 60
Lorenzo Day having married Miss Mar
tina Week, local paper comments
A Day is made a Week is lost
But time should not complain
mere1 soon be little Days enough
To make the week again
II is too bad ia the boys 70 drop letter
| or anything well calculated to excite femin-
j inc curiosity just a tied-back is coming
\ along and zee her want 70 pick il up, but
ida sent" try.
Get out of the way what are YOU good
for 2" said a cross Old man to little bright
U eJtu uTCiiuy Nllp NdDIltilttl Lb SLhllu III MS
way. The little fellow, a. he stepped one
side, replied very gently They make
men Of such things a. We are"
Our good friend Mrs Malaprop, who is
a stanch Protestant, has heard some talk
about the compulsory teaching of the
Masses. She can only say she trembles
for the safety Of the Church if anything 80
Popsh as the masses should be taught in
it.-Pmch.
The other day, postmaster, on enter
/ ing his Office, had his olfactory nerves dis
agreeably assailed. On questioning a boy
in the office as to the cause, the facetioua
/ youth replied, "a don't know sir but I
guess the smell comes from some Of the
dead letters.
During the recent interview between the
Indian chiefs and the President, the latter
got near enough to one Of them tO breathe
in his face. The red man started back
with look ~ joyful SURPRISE exclaiming:
"Ugh Big Injun ana Great Father
drinks the same
A Milwaukee belle, attending A theatre
in this city recently, complained in one of
the scenes that the light was too dim to
show the acting properly. Wont you try
this glass r. asked her escort, handing her
his lorgnette. Hastily covering the sus-
picious looking object with hsr handker-
chief she placed 1t to her lips, took a long
pull, and then handed 1t back in great dis
gust saying why, there amt drop
IN 1t.
A boy Of five years was playing rail
road with his sister Of two and A half
Drawing her upon a footstool, he imagined
himself both the engine and the conductor
After initiating the putting noise ~ the
steam, he stopped ana called out New
/ York, and III a moment after "Patter-
son, and then Philadelphia" His
| knowledge of towns was nov exhausted,
and at the next place he cried Heaven.
His little sister said eagerly, Top, I des
! | II det out here.
She tried to SIT down in a street car, but
vas pinned back SO tight she couldn't
/ Old lady peeped over her specs and asked
her, How long ve you been afflicted
that way fhe you Y lady bushe6 and
made "a break, slit ng down sideways,
and holding her knees together so tight
that she looked as if she had on a one-leg-
ged pair Of breeches old lady noticed her
sitting in this sideways cramped position,
and whispered, bile, ] s'pose have had
en- thar myself.
"Well, Mr.. Miller said Yankee.
proudly. to A travelling Scot, as they stood
by the Falls of Niagara, III IL not wonder
full iii your country you never saw any
thing like that. Like that Nh said the
Scot there's far mar wonderful con
Germ no twa miles fra whar was born"
Indeed l' exclaimed Jonathan, with an
air ~ supercihous skeptcism, ''and pray
what kind Of concern may il be Vii Weel,
man, replied Sawney, its peacock with
wooden LEG.
A friend Of mine and ] came across a
spoonmg" couple the other night and a
remark we chanced to overher inspired him
to relate this little story Not long ago,
at mansion on Murray Hill, seutimen-
tai yonng lady strolled with a gentleman,
on whom she had her eye, into the con
servatory. Looking up pensively into his
\ face she said, with tears in her voice, "Ah,
no one loves me, Mr. Barnes m Some
one does M Il Yes Z" said the lady, drop
ping her head, and pressing his arm ever
% little. Yes, Mis- Nellie, said the
wretch, "God loves you. ."-B Baltimore Bul-
\ letin.
Thomas, my son, ! presume you at
tended service this morning Hi II Yes,
'um." And | suppose YOU remembered
what you heard hi Yes am" Well,
my son, what did you hear Nj Why,
heard that Mrs. Stukup gets her dresses
in Paris, that Mr.. Sims stole all the money
he has, that Mable Lees bonnet is not
new one, but only last years made over,
that Jennie Wilsan carries on shamefully
with that Jolly boy, and that Deacon
Schramm is going to flinders because his
new wife Is so extravagant. Dear me
Dear me How religion has advanced
since | was a girl ~ said my kind, old
grandmother, as she quietly folded her
knitting and looked out Of the widow
st. Louis Republican.
A bashful and not over-educated fellow
went u see his girl the other night, ana AZ
he started away he put his arm around her
and whispered i'll her ear, dearest |
love J" and she responded sweetly, dit
TO- meaning, " course, a reciprocatlon ~
his tender passion. The young man could
not find ditto" in his vocabulary, and
asked his father the next day az they we're
hoeing cabbage, what it meant The old
gent rested moment on his hoe, and
pointed to the cabbage in front Of him with
the remark, "Nou see that cabbage 7"
"Yes, responded the youth. "And you
see the next one there r Yes" 'Well,
that is called ditto. damn her 3"
exclaimed the impetuous youth, " she
called me a cabbage head.
1t is said that Plato once defined man az
"a two-legged, featherless animal, where
upon Diogenes trrew a living plucked
rooster into his school, saying, " Behold
and trivial was made in one d President
Hopkins lectures on The Scripture
View Of Man, before the Yale Divinity