The Wheeling daily intelligencer. [volume] (Wheeling, W. Va.) 1865-1903, 1875-08-21
A TREMENDOUS BATTLE.
MIR. nnd Mrs. McStinger's C0nIlic
with the kOcking CHAIR.

WIFI lne HSOChAuH Nuhls
From The Ohio State Journal
Old Mcstingcr was going to bed little
wavy the other night, and not wishing to
disturb Mrs. McStinger, who has tongue
like rat.tail llle, he thought II Just as
well not to turn on the gas. He got on
very well until he reached the door Of the
chamber where his patient wife lay sleep
Ing. Here he paused moment balanc-
Ing on his heels like pole OIL q juggler's
nose. Then he made dash for II, In
order TO make n bee line across the
floor.
Mrs. McStinger, with her usual exem-
plary iortitude, had placed the rocking
chair with such gifted skill that no man
could come into the room without rum
ming over It; 40 the first thing he knew,
McStinger stubbed his toe nail off against
the rocker, which knocked the seat
against the crazy bone Of his knee and
made one Of the long arms prod him in
the stomach. simultaneously he fell over
the chair crOsswise and IL kicked him be-
hind his back before he could get up
from The floor, Ms lie stood on all.fonr9.
The engagement was now fully opened.
When q man begins falling over rocking
chairs in dark room, lie ought always
to have three days rations and forty
rounds.
Before McStinger could get up straight
his knee came down on one Of the long
rockers behind, and the back Of the chair
came down on his head with a whack
that laid him out fiat on the floor, and be.
fore he could move the chair kicked him
three times In the tenderest part Of his
ribs with the sharp end Of his rocker.
This made him perfectly furious, and he
scrambled up and made blind rush at
the chair, determined 10 blow up the
enemy's works. lie ran square against
the back, and Il rocked forward with him,
turning d complete somersanlt over the
handles, throwing Mcstinger half way
across The room and landing on top OF
him, digging into his abdomen like n
bulls horns, "a hc lay spread ont on the
under side. 1t would have been n good
thing for McStingeF II he had lain still
then and let the chair have its own way.
II lay on its back with the long points
Of the rockers embracing his abdomen,
and didn't Reem to want TO do anything
active lust then. But McStinger couldn't
make np his mind TO give it up yet. He
rolled over sideways and upset the chair.
| II fell with crash on It's side, giving him
a furious dig In the liver, which made
him sttaighten out his legs spNsmodiCally, y,
barking one shin from the instep to the
knev OH the rocker which hung In the
air, and getting the chair on its feet
again, where Il stood rocking back
ward and forward at him like wary
old ram making ieints Of buckingits ad.
yersnfy. In order TO throw him Oft his
guard. The blow In the side nearly finish.
ed McStingcr, and while lying there rub
bing his wind back again, he was just be-
ginning to reflect whether his honor re.
1uired him to proceed any further 10 the
affair, when Mrs. McStingCr suddenly
began screaming all the names in the
crimes act, under the impression that the
Charley Ross abductors were trying IA
commit burglary, blgamy, robbery and
everything else.
Up to this time she had been speeches:
with terror, and had lain there trembling
shedding perspiration and accumulating
shriekihg power, until she had gained The
screaming capacity Of camel.back en-,
gine. She had Just reached her third
siorsando ioriiaimo dcceIerdndo, when old
MCSiinger succeeded in getting to his feel
once more and became dimly visible L
Mrs, Mcstinger. With one last wild
parting shrek sher sprang from tho bet
and made q dash for the door, neal
which the rocking chair still stood, men
acing the whole universe with a buttine
motion. Mrs. Mcstinget had no time fol
investigation Just then,and she pitched In
to and over the rocklng-chair and cleai