Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1875-08-21
I'rostburg. August FL. 1873.
SUNBEAMS.

The Albany Argus spells regal bacK'
wards and then drinks it.
This" thought boy while being
trounccd by his fond papa. sis very like
whale"
"What plan" said one actor to another,
"shall | adopt to fill the house at my bene-
fit ~ Invite your creditors" was the
s"rly reply.
Il say, Pat what are you about-sweep-
ing out the room ~ "No,' answered Pat.
II am sweeping out the dirt and leaving
the room.
81 say, Mr.. Auctionecr, may 1 bid
whatever please % Certainly, certain
ly.' Very well. then I bid you good
morning.
Does eating greens gathered by his wife
invalidate mans lfc insurance? is a
question now entertained by the insurance
companies.
candidate for county clerk in Texas
offered to register marriages for nothing.
His opponent unlismayed. promised to do
the same and throw n cradle in.
cotemporary wants to know what
''mule spinner" is If arg one is sInt
spinning around by a tap from a mules
heel he will never ask that question
again.
A Brockport man dreamed recently that
his aunt was dead and the dream proved
true. He tried the same game with his
mother i'll law, but it didn't work worth n
cent.
mir. D, if you will get my
coat done by Saturday, | shall be forever
indebted to YOU "If that's your game,
it won't be DONE said the tailor.
Have not offered you overy advan
tage?' said a doting father to his son.
oh yes replied the youth but
could not think of taking advantage Of my
father
They have laid out new city in Iowa.
You can tel when you come to it easily by
sign sticking up III the mud with the
name OF the place written in charcoal.
In Connecticut town of about | 200 in
habitants there are from sixty to seventy
dentists. Upon an average, two-thirds of
the people have their jaws bandaged all
the year round.
Put two persons in the same bedroom
one of whom has the toothache and the
other is in love, and it will be found that
the person having the tcothache will get to
sleep first.
A boy who will yell like a tartar if a
drop of water gets on his shirt band when
his neck is being washed, en- crawl
through Il sewer after ball, and think
nothing of it.
When "truo inwarlncgs," "ncst-hiding"
and "so-so" are put into the dictionary,
who will furnish the definitions? Mr..
Beecher says they do not mean what they
re supposed to.
A man claims to have been confined to
his house by a elk spell" His spell was
bad enough, but if men are to be con-
fined for such Il rc lson, Josh Billings Will
never lecture more.
\ Louisville man complained Of marble
tablccloths at one of the restaurants.
lie said ne didn't like to wipe his month
with tombstone i'll the absence of
napkin.
A little girl happening to hear her moth
cr SPEAK of going into half-mourning,
sud, "Why are We going into half-mourn-
ing, mamma? Are any of our relations
hllfdcad -
\ doctors wife once attempted to move
her husband by tears. "Ann,' he said.
clears are useless. | have analysed them.
They contain little phosphate of lime,
some chor,tc Of sodium, and that's ALL"
"No ceten appuls i'll school hours !"
reads a sign on the blackboard of school
house in enlightened Massachusetts. where
education is supposed to sit on the top
rail and make faces ut Ignorance.
There was once a Pennsylvania legisla-
tor who laid by 100000 i'll one session.
When he was asked how he managed this
with a salary of 81 1000. he said that he
saved it by doing without hired girl.
The heaviest snorer we have heard of is
the man whose wife woke him up the
other night, during n tempest. saying she
did wish he would stop snoring, for she
wanted to hear the thunder.
At teachers institute in Ohio recently
a lady teacher was given the word hazard.
GUS to spell and define, and did it in this
style: "i-a-z, bastard ard-e double 8,
ess-hazardess, a female hazard"
A line in one of Moore's songs reads
thus :-"Om couch shall be roses be-
spangled with dew To which IL sensible
girl replied, "'Twould give me the rheu-
matiz, and so it would you"
A wag, seeing door nearly off its
hinges, in which condition it had been
some time. observed. that when it had
fallen and killed some one it would prob.
ably be hung.
A man whose appearance indicated that
he was staggering from the excessive
weight of brick in his hat, being asked if