The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-06-05
VARIETY.

just keeping is lighted foT an other boy"
il the latest juvenile invention when an American
mother suddenly comes upon her little boy with a
4 cigar in his meuth.
There IL advice enuf now laying around loose
to run three just such worlds az this-what we
are suffering most for IL sum more good examples.
josh Billings.
Ma said an intelligent, thoughtful boy, 81
don't think Solomon rich they say he
was" Why, nv dear, what could have put
that into YOUR head ?'' - Why the Bible says he
slept with his fathers, and think if he had been
80 very rich he would have had a bed Of his OWE" I"
Amer leaving jefferson avenue street-car one
day, citizen and overlook il again, and as
he entered he looked around on the floor and
asked " did any one see letter in mourning
envclope2 - all answered .'no;' and he con-
t;nued, :. well, it's no great lOss, though I'd like
to be sure whether It said that my brother
William or my uncle James was dead
A very tall sarkey entered the rooms of the
Relief Society in Washington the other day, and
inquired, - does you give out peryisiOns, heah p
Z" Yes, we aid the poor here, replied the agent :;
what do you want most7'' " Wall, my heart
is sot on a spring chicken" replied the darkey,
but if de chickens is out, I'll take q OF
isters and two pounds or butter. isn't gwine
to be eapshus, cause it's hard times"
NEvEz SArrsTIrD.-A gentleman travelling
through one Of the most picturesque portions OF
the White Mountain region saw a farmer at work,
being Of a sociabie disposition, approached the
man, ezpatiated on the beauty and majesty Of the
surrounding scenery, concluding with the remark,
81 suppose, my friend, you enjoy this glorious
view that people come 80 lar 10 look at?'' 4" Why,
YES" was the response; - but If I'd had the
sortin' Of these bills I'D made EN- little
peakeder."
PREsESr Fin FOR QrEEN.-It u well known
that crowned heads and people Of that sort IN
TariabIy take all they can get IN the way OF
earthly goods. A knowledge Of this fact lately
moved n person in Fulton, N Y, % prepare
halE-barrel Of the soft and enticing compound
called apple butter, and to despatch the same, az
per address to - Her Majesty Queen Victoria,
Buckingham Palace, England" Such graceful
and beautiful little attentions as this are what
cement the bonds Of humanity, and shed a soft
Izht Of tol-de-rol over the dreary pathway Of
existence.-IveIg York ibuae.
WuAr DID He Mas ?-Old Mr.. Throop, up
ON Eighth street, Is good az be is corpulent,
and has a way Of singing hymns IN solt under
tones as he goes along the street. Yesterday
morping he was picking his way long the slippery
grade down Division street, singing, as usual,
and be lust finished the line, " n charge 70 keep
have, when he felt terrible concussion, and
the air was full Of hats, and spectacles, ana req
handkerchiefs and arctic OyershOes. and old Mr..
Tbroou blended his hymn into - Dog gone the
djddIsdy dad hinged internal old trap 10 the gol
din0ed Pixies" And OF all the people who
beI6ed him up and handed him his things, not
one could tell what ne meant Oy lhOSc iCmal AZ
bic phrases, and we don't believe he knew him
selE-BurHngtOH HGlrkeye-
A Scotch pedIIr, without the remotest inten-
ton on his part Of getting into quarrel or
fght with any man, had put up (with ms Pack)
for tbe night at n country ale-hOuse on the
borders Of Wales, where, as the fates would have
II. be found in the kitchen Of the inn molly
assenbage OF not the most desirable companions
and among the rest Welshman, whose aim from
the very first seemed TO be to get into hot water
with poor Sawney. The latter, sagaciOusly ap-
precatng the true character of his tormentor, and
determined TO get rid of him said that he - did
not want TO fight This only excited to still
higher pitch the bravado Of the Welshman, and
he told the Scotchman that he would :" make him
fight Wel,'' said Sawney, " IT L must
f9ht, let me say my prayers before l tight =
which the Welshman concedlng, the Scotcnman
fell upon his knees and implOred his Maker TO
pardon him for Z" the twa men he had already
killed. and for one who was aboOt to die" The
scotchnan slowly rose from his knees, but not
before the Welshman had made q PreciPisate
retreat.