Connecticut western news., 1875-07-02
MISCELLANEOUS.

Time softens all things except the young man who parts his hair in the mid dle, and whistles on the street cars. Noth- ing can make him any softer than he is.
 The Rochester Democrat says that Mile. Plaster, young French actress, is coming over next season. We presume all the young fellows will be inclined to court Plaster.
 The son of clergyman was delivering a college valedictory. when, in pulling out his handkerchief, he pulled out pack of cards. "Hulloa!" he exclaimed, "Pve got on my fathers coat"
 A lady who gszel approvingly at the nearly finished dome of the new court house, remarked to a friend: Wont it be splendid when they get new justice of the peace up there?'
 On which side of the platform is my train 1? asked stranger in Jersey city de- pot the other day. Well my friend, re- piled gentleman passing, if you take the left you'll be right if you take the right you'll be left
 During a trial the judge called witness. No one answered, ,and an elderly man arose and solemnlx said He is gone Where has he gone P asked the judge in no tender tone. I don't know; but he is dead,' was the guarded answer.
 Holmes remarks on the wonderful pro visions of nature. He says there is not even left narrow crevlce under a flat rock with out thin black hug prepared by Provi- dence to fill it. It is the same way when vacancies occur iu official positions. Sir, said little clustering man to re- ligious opponent, to what sect do you SUD- pose belong? Well I don't exactly know replied his opponent, but to judge I from your size, appearance and constant buzzing. should think you belonged to the class generally called insect
 At meeting of Confederate soldiers the other day in Atlanta. SO many were dubbed with titles that the following appropriate resolution was introduced: Resolved, That the president appoint committee of one to inquire whether there were any sur viving privates of the late war
 A conductor in Burlington. Iowa, was recently made happy by having voted to him badge, at apublic fair. Being called upon for 8 speech, he was hustled upon the platform. Looking around for a mo ment he eiaculated Tickets and retired. It was SO effective that the band couldn't play for ten minutes. a....
 The latest anecdote brought to light by the Centennial celebration is rather anus ing. While the British troops were march ing through old Cambridge, one of them said jestingly to farmer sowing seed :-
 You may SOW, but we shall reap Well,
 perhaps you may was the reply, for I am
 sowing hemp.' |, Please sir said boy with two bottles, g to grocer, mother wants cents worth
 of your best yeast (Which bottle will you
 have it in?' Please sir, she wants it in both and won't you put corks in lem and send lem home, as I'm going t'other way !; and mother says she hain't got no cent, but f you must charge it, '@ ..... } The unusual eloquence of ministerial orator at the Decoration Day exercises at , Oak Ridge cemetery, Springfield. Ono, r which excited much favorable comment at the time of its delivery, is now discovered } to have been inspired by Edward Everett, r whose ,oration at the consecration of the :. Gettysburg cemetery November 18th, 1868, 7 was appropriated word for word.