Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-11-26

whether Bradley gothic stakes or not.
Star spangled stocking are the latest
caprice, but the probabilities are that
we shall not "see, by the dawn's early
light, what SO proudly we hailed at
the twilight's last cleaning"
The following is said to be the latest
composition in preparation for the
piano: Backward, pin backward,
oh, skirts, in your flight; let the boys
see me good, just for tonight
never place much reliance. on a
,man who as alxEs. telling what he
would have done had he been there
| have Noticed that somehow this kind
of people never get there.
"Say!" said city youth to modest
countryman, ':got the hay seed out O
your hair yet ?" "Well," was the de-
liberate reply, 81 Judge not from the
way the calves run after me-"
Said pompous husband, whose
wife had stolen up behind and given
him kiss-"Madam, I5consider such
an act indecorous.'' 'Excuse me"
said the wife, 81 didn't know it was
you"
A Chinese boy, who is learning
English, came across the passage i'll
his Testament, "we have piped and ye
have not danced" and rendered it
thus: "We have toot, toot to you;
what's the matter you no jump
Snifles staked his all On the result
of game of euchre and lost. Throw
ing down his cards peevishly, he broke
forth in the following pathetic strain:
"'Twas ever thus in childhood's flight,
and everytime Iplayed the left bower,
some one took it with the right!'
A guest at one of the hotels in this
city found a lady's nightgown in his
room recently, and went to the clerk
with it, saying: "Look here, mister,
this is hollow mockery, delusion,
and snare. # you can't fill it up, |
don't want this thing in my ROOM"
A young girl mistook the meaning
of Young man who was looking up
pickers for his fathers hop yard, and
when asked if she was engaged, sweet
ly said: 'Not yet, but always thought
it would be pleasant" The young
man rode home quickly and dreamed
all night of breach of promise trials.
A North Carolina girl, only 16 years
old is being noticed all over the coun-
try for giving birth to tripfetss--ssAs Va
girls of sixteen get to doing that kind
of thing, it's useless for the Chicago
Inter- Ocean to waste a column or two
a day in trying to persuade young men
into matrimony.
Judge.-"Haveyou anythingto offer
the court before sentence is passed on
you?"
'No, Judge, l had-I had ten dol
lars, but my lawyer took that"
What is that which occurs once in
minute, twice in moment, and not
once in hundred years? The letter
NJ.
Two persons were once disputing so
loudly on the subject of religion that
they awoke big dog, which had been
sleeping on the hearth before them,
and he Forthwith barked most furious
ly. An old divine present, who had
been quietly slipping his tea while the
disputants were talking, gave the dog
kick and exclaimed: "Hold your
tongue, you silly brute! You know
no more about it than they do!'
Of course she did. A middle-aged
woman fell as she was descending a
pair of stairs on Fulton street, the
other day, and the first man to help
her reach her feet was banker who
happened to be passing.
"Did you fall, MADAME" he inquir-
ed, as he seized her arm.
"Fall! Of course I fell, you fool
you! You don't suppose I'd sit down
here to rest, do you?" she snapped.
He didn't say.
A Methodist preacher travelling in
the back settlement of Western State
stopped at a cabin, where an old lady
received him very kindly, giving him
warm supper, and asking many
questions: stranger, where mought
you be from?' madam, I reside in
Shelby county, Kentucky" "WaH,
stranger, hope no offence, but what
mought you be doing out here:?'
"Madam, I am looking for the lost
sheep of the tribe of Israel" "John,"
shouted the old lady, "here's stran-
ger all the way from Kentucky hunt
ing lost stock, and I'll just bet my
life that old curly-haired black ram
that came into our yard last week is
one of hisen."
"Marse John, gimme four bits please
sir, you amt treated dis nigger sence
de war;" said ST to the son of his owner
the other day.
"What do you want with it, Si?"
queried the young man.
"Want to 60 to de circus, Marse
John. You knows how niger is."
"But, ST, fifty cents won't take you
in now. The Civil Ri ghts bill made
you DIS SOOo DIS d WAlCO Aitti1 tlo ClO
shows, and you'll have to pay dollar,
as do"
"Is dat de truf, Marse John:"
"Just as true as preaching"
ST scratched his head for a full
minute, then looked up with mourn
full eyes and said:
"Dar it is again! Itole dem niggers
dey was spilen de horn when dey want
ed dem sibil rights, and hyar's de truf
of it, PINT plank. allus waz mighty
up spoken niger, ez you knows, Marse
John, and 'twixt us I say dam de sibil
rights, specially when de circus is
round!"
ST got his four bits, but he's mad