Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-02-17
HUMOROUS.

ntAVBoOS-
A WISCONSIN schoolboy handed in the
following composition recently: 81 go
to school 10 learn to read and rite and
siphor to slide on the ice and traid of
an old nife If have one, IN summer to
pick wild flowers and strawberries and
to get out of work hot days, some boys
has to 90 to school to get out OF their
mothers road, but would rather stay
in winter than to go two miles and set
by a cold stove and freze my tose. L
like to 90 to school to see the teacher
scold the big girls when they cut up.
Some goes to school to fool but go to
study when we are old we can't go to
school and then We will feel sorry that
we fooled when We was young and went
to school. don't get no time to fool
anyway for have enough to do when
it comes to my geography.
ITHAs long been a curious inquiry
whether the iron in the blood is affected
by magnet, by heat and cold, and
other agencies that affect it In the rod
and pure forms. During the past in
tensely Geld weather a GreeEsburg sci
enlist has been making series of ex-
periments to ascertain the fact. Know
ing the lips to be very vascular, he
selected pretty woman with very red
lips, and one cold, frosty morning
assayed to kiss her, expecting his lips
would stick to hers as if he had pressed
them against the pump handle. The
experiment was satisfactory for if the
| h. = lfl
spond, skillet, that lay near by, did.
The following list of bridal presents
is published in the Chicago Tribune :,
A pair of pebble-gost shoes from the
brides brother-in-law glass door
plate from her grandmother's uncle a
half-dozen case-kDives and a kerosene
lamp from the bridegroom a mop,
broom, and potato-masher from an un-
known friend can of kerosene and a
bundle of kindlings from the brides
mother in-law also a nutmeg crater
and some mantel ornaments from her
school friends.
"FNE cane you've got," said Crab
apple to our friend Shawneybsum the
other day. :.'Yes, SIR" said Shawney
baum, as he gazed lovingly upon the
crutch, "I brought that cane from
Hengland."
.'What kind of wood is it 2" said
Crabapple.
"Well, SIR" said Shawneyb baum, SIT
looks like azel or ickory, or you might
take it for helm, or a hoax but after
all it's only hash"
THERE is nothing so refreshing and
soul satisfying in this cold, wicked
world as the spectacle of a graceful
woman. After she has knocked you
down and pounded you over the head
five or six minutes with a rolling pin,
and you get up and say you are sorry
and willing to beg her pardon, the look
of gratitude that illuminates her hea-
venly countenance will do all but pay
the doctors bill.
''SrT DOWN, sit down." said Judge
to an impertinent limb of the law, 81
cannot entertain your ridiculous propo-
sition." But nv necessity" "But
my necessity" Yes, yes, your neces-
sity-I admit your necessity under
stand-I admit your necessity ldmit
you are a necessity yourself, or at least
the next thing to 1t, for necessity
knows no law.
A SURGEON had Just cut off patients
leg. A friend of the victim inquired
anxiously whether the doctor thought
he would soon get we'll "He ?" replied
the doctor. He never had a chance !"
why. then, put him to the needless
pain 2" ''Oh, You cannot tell the pa
tIent the truth all at once you must
first OF all amuse him little"
An ExoUIsITELY dressed young gen
tleman, after buying another seal to
dangle about his delicate person. said
to the jeweller that ''he wOuld-ah
like to haye-ah something engraved on
it ah to denote what he was. Ser
tainly ; certainly; l will put cipher
on it," said the tradesman.
An OLD bachelor says: "When 1
remember all the girls I've met to-
gether, | feel like a rooster in the Fall
exposed to every weather / feel like
one who treaGs alone some barn yard
all deserted, whose oats are fed, whose
hens are dead, or all to market started"
HERE funny reply given by little
boy In London, to the following ques-
ton asked him by gentleman "What
occupation does your father pursue for
living ?" He answered, with great
simplicity: ''He is dreadful accident
o5r g., b,
\ SELKIRK sexton used to preface the
dram custOmarily given to him at
funerals with a general nod to all the
company, adding, quite in a serious
way, unconscious of the doleful mean
ing the compliment contained, MY
service TO you all, gentlemen.
"WHERE's the molasses, Bill ?" said
red headed woman sharply TO her son,
who had returned with an empty Jug.
"None in the city, mother. Every
grocer has big black board outside,
with the letters chalked on tn. o.
Molasses.
81 SWEAR" said a gentleman to his
mistress, ''you are very handsome"
''Pooh y said the lady, $50 you would
say if you did not think So" "And so
you would think" answered he,
though L should not say So"
A CLEVELAND youth of rather fast
proclivities fell in love with parsons
daughter, and as a clincher to his
claims, said to the reverend gentleman,
81 go my bottom dollar on piousness.
"WHY are You so precise in your
statement-are You afraid Of telling an