, 1875-06-24
A Practical Joke on a Professor
Of EIocution.


The "Fat Contributor, in some rec--
objections of Artemus Ward, tells TIE.
following story:
In the spring of 1859, accepted +,
proffered editorial position on the.
Cleveland National Democrat, and re-
newed my acquaintance with Artenus
Ward.
On the first evening of my arrival he
volunteered to showd me around,-a very
desirable achievement, as 1 was to fiji
the position of city editor.
He ''show me around" so successfully
that about two O'Clock in the morning L.
began to feel almost as much at home.
in. Cleveland as if had lived there all.
my days, to say nothing of my nights.
Artemus invited me TO share his bed
with him the remainder of the night.
and accepted.
Adjoining his room lodged a young
professor of elocution, who was endeav..,
oring to establish school in Cleveland.
He was just starting out in business and
was naturally anxious to propitiate. the
press.
'Let's get the professor up" said
Artemus, land have him to crate fo2
u.s."
I demonstrated with him, rsmindeoi
him of the lateness of the hour, that T.
was not acquainted with the professor. ;.
and all that, but to no purpose.
'He is q public man," said Ward,
"and public men like to meet represen>
tatives of the press, Is restaurants are
supposed to get up warm meal at all |.
hours"
lie gave laundering rap at the door, ;.
as he shouted "Professor-r-r"'
"Who's there? What zee want?'.,'
cried muffled voice, evidently beneath.
the bed clothes, for it was bitter cold
night in February. -
ut IS I, Brown, Of the Pldindealer,"
said Altemus, and nudging me gentle in
the ribs he whispered, "Thaf'll fetch
him. The power of the press is invins
chile. 1t is the Archimedian leye,
which"
HIS remarks we're interrupted by the
opening of the door, and 1 could JUST
discover the dim outline OF shifted
form shiverlng in the doorway.
''Excuse me for disturbing you, pro-
fessor," said Artemus in his blandes.
manner, 'but arr anxious to INTRODUCE
you to my friend here, the new local
of the Democrat. He has heard much
of YOU, and declares positively that he
can't 90 to bed until he hear You elot
cute
"Hears me wbats,' answered the pro..-
fessor between his cbatterino teeth
Hears you eiocute-recite -disclaim!
Understand? Specimen of your eloea.
tionp,
,;, ~. .eo, .,s,a A..
n VAN e.u ~ 'be be, p'o,ese IL pS saS S
1 nona ",t A. Arta,ors ~ ,nrld o.cant nS
So eoa1,sa ou'' " ~ -
ASu. ..pe.;. .. ,oost >, ,rcod .h. ,ro.
fosar , ...o M nm. az ~, ,e som,o o1o5has aud ~
$50 80. -, ~ p.. ;, VI y
'ens ~. ano 3 as, au ,eoossorv F,,,r.,co
49,. ~ = ~, 5ancndont ~ aoS
H. s &C. straight tenin1 M chair ba 6od
80 -. .nIn,hIa1 Ih ovarn aa. r;oh, nm on this
S cho,r and o;ve ne !fhe how stood oIs
~ b,,rn;nd5 dect -; oca;,1 in a s;df
~ ws;snar in NV ear ",ba h5rning deck
viii wsr,n him mn,
Gently vet firmly did Artemns boost
the re,nctant nrofessor mon the chair
.,rofss,ing tbat no anolo1.es we're nec.-
assarv for his anneorance and assurino
him that clothes didn't make the man,
olthonnh the sbiyeripg discinle of De-.
,nostbenes and Cicero probably thought
that clothes would make q man more,
comfortcble on snch a night as that.
He yaye ms ..Casabianca' with a good
man, Guayers of the voice. as he stood