The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-03-16
A Solemn Sketch.
PUTTING AN UNDERTAKEN

six years, he commenced as he reached
the head of the stairs, 'and now want
a puff:
He was very tall, slender man, had
a face which hadn't smiled since 1912,
and his neck was embraced by white
cravat, and his hands were thrust into
black gloves.
"l've got a new hearse, a new stock
of collins, and l want u local rotice,'
he continued, as he sat down and sighed
as if ready to screw a coffin-lid down.
my dear sir replied the man in
the corner, five met you at great
many funerals, and your general bear
ing has created favorable impression.
You sigh with the sighers, grieve with
the grievers, and on extra occasions you
can shed tears Of sorrow, even though
you know that you can't get ten per
cent. of Your bill under six MONTHS
" Yes sighed the undertaken, in
stinctively measuring the length of the
table with his eye, and wondering to
himself why editors tables weren't COW
cred with Grape, with rows of coffin
nails around the edges.
"Deatk is a very solemn thing con-
tinued the man in the corner: "but
still it is an occasion when one can ap-
preciate neat thing. I've seen you
rub your knuckles against door-posts and
never change countenance: I've seen
you listen to eulogies on men who owed
YOU for twenty years before their death,
and you looked even more solemn than
the bereaved widow: I've seen YOU
back your hearse up to the door in such
an easy, quiet way that it robbed death
Of half its terrors. Ali this have | seen
and appreciated, but l couldn't write
puff for you"
"Why not?" he demanded.
"For many reasons. Now you have
new hearse. Gould | 60 on and say:
MIR. Sackcloth, the genial undertaken,
has just received fine new hearse, and
we hope that our citizens will endeavor
to bestow upon it the patronage such
enterprise deserves. 1t rides easy, is
handsomely finished, and those who
try it once will want no other" Could
I say that?
8" No, not very we'll
"Of course l couldn't. You can call
a grocer or dry goods man genial
friend, and it's all right. but vou aren't
genia)-you can't be-. It's your bust
ness to be solem. If YOU could be even
more solemn than you are it would be
money in your pocket
That's 50, he said, signing heavi-
ly."
eff it was an omnibus, or a coal
cart, or wheelbarrow, l could 90 on
and write a chapter on every separate
spoke, but it isn't you see.'
He leaned back and sighed again.
"And as to your collins, they are
doubtless nice collins, and your prices
are probably reasonable, but could l 90
On and say: MIR. Sackcloth, the under
taker, has just received his new styles
in spring collins, all sizes, and is now
prepared to see as many of his old GUS
toners as want something handsome
and durable at q moderate price
Could l say that?
Another sigh.
L couldn't say that YOU were hold
ing Il clearing-out sale, in order to get
ready for the spring trade, or that for
the sake Of increasing your patronage,
you had decided to present each Gus
toner with chrome. I couldn't say
that your were repairing and repaint-
Ing, and had the most attractive coffin
shop in Detroit. It wouldn't do to
hope that people would patronlze you,
or to say that all orders sent in by mail
would be promptly filed, and that your
motto was, 'Quick sales and small
proht<!'
lie put on a look Of tombstone and
made no reply.
"1ou see, if YOU had stoves to sell.
Or dealt in mackerel, or sold fishing
tackle, everything would be lovely.
You are an NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS., sedate.
mournful. You revel in Grape, and you
never pass blackwalnut door without
thinking how much good coffin lumber