Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1875-03-04
Mumuruns department.
HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED.


The Cincinnati Enquirer tells the following
He came into the Office ofa West End under
taker yesterday with look of great care or
his honest face. His eyes were heavy and
slightly bloodshot, telling of nightly vigils
and loss sleep. His hair was unkempt and
shaggy. The soft-hesrted man of coffins look
ed upon his visitor with gaze full of pity ano
thankfulness.-pity for his customers loss
and thankfulness for his patronage. He wa:
80 young to be burdened with the loss of 8
dear one by death.
The manufacturer of burial cases nodded 8
silent assent and condoling recognition; the
young man from the country said: "How
dyer Then ensued painful silence broken
at length by the man of grave business.
Can do anything for you to-day, sir"
''Wall reckin' so, stranger"
Another silence Once more the under
taker began by suggesting: "Your sister?'
Young man stared moment; then, as
light gradually broke upon his perplexed
mind, he smiled smile more suggestive Of
sorrow than happiness, and replied:
"No-my WIFE"
"Sudden p
mo expected su'thun' of kind for sew
eral months"
"When did it happen?"
"'Bout 4 o'clock this morning."
"Looks natural?'
Rather" (Spoken carefully, and express.
i've of some doubt.)
"About what do you want the cost of it to
be?'
"Don't care durnation for expenses git ii
up kinder nice. I'll treat her handsum,
cause she is the first one ever had"
"Very we'll, my friend; you'll have it lined
with white satin, [ suppose?"
"Jest as you say, stranger"
"Silver-headed screws. too, suppose?"
"Y.a-a-s, s'pose so. An, stranger, just put
bully top tot
"Oh, of course; and you'll want glass in
it, also, I suppose?"
"Y-a-a-s-Oh! certainly-you bet. Git her
up sniptious, you know, old fellow. None of
your drafted one hoss 6xins for me. No,
sir'ee."
Just so. Silver handles, of course?"
"Eh? What's that you say, stranger
silver handles? Oh durn it now, won't that
be pilin it on too hefty like2 I kin stand
silver screws, and SIGH; but theirs no use
maxim the hull tarnation trap Of silver. The
thing has to be moved, and must have han
dies, but amt quiteso stuck up as that now
not quite, stranger"
every well,' acquiesced the man of obse-
quies. "I'll put ordinary handles to it, then p
"Eggzactly -them's EN-, mister; now yer
talkin'. Or'nary handles'll do. But, I say,
stranger (reAectively), make the wheels glis-
ten like thunder"
"Wh.Wh-W h-Wh-eelsw %
"Yas, wheels. What's ther matter with
you, anyhow"
But who ever heard of wheels to a coffin p
"Cofin p shrieked the detected looking
young man. "Cofin Now, who in the dick.
ems said anything about cofins?"
"Why, don't you want a coffin p
Ne-o! darn your coffin! I want cradle
a trap to rock my new baby in"
"And isn't your wife dead?"
mot by by jugfal. Don't you make cradles
for sale ?"
"No, my friend, am an undertaken"
"Undertaker of what?"
81 make cofins."
"Oh, Lord, let me ketch the Teller that sent
me here!'
And the griefstricken youth crammed his
hat over his eyes, ran his hands deep down
in the pockets of his trouserloons, and
pounced out on the street, searching for ven.
geance.
A SKELETON IN EVERY HoUsE-The fol-
lowing conversation was overheard the other
day among lot of schoolgirls, who had con.
gregated in front of house.
Each one in turn appeared to be holding
up the domestic skeleton which afflicted their
several homes. One told how her little broth
er had broken his leg; another about how sick
her mother was and still another told about
how drunk her father would come home every
night. In short, they all appeared to have
some grief to hold up, but one little beauty
who seemed only unhappy to think there
was nothing that she could tell to excite the
envy or sympathy Of the rest
She listened to the recital of these troubles
as long as she could, and finally she expressed
herself in this way:
"Well, girls, we all have our troubles
Some have sick brothers and drunken fathers
and ugly mothers. Some of US have go
measles, and smallpox, and scrofula We've
got something awful in our family"
"What is it ?" asked several.
"My brother Bennys left-handed."
sag" A hard-shell preacher wished to make
good illustration, as he thought, and hence
took ,uarnut, as he called it, into the pulpi
with him and something to crack it with
On holding it up, in the course of his sermon
he said: "My friends, you see this warnut
Well, this outer shell here is like the Method
lists, soft and spongy, with no strength in it