Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-08-27

tnc WnOIc sllf was nllCu Win nOatlng
particles of my Scotch snuff. She
had bursted the bladder, and the va
lise not being locked, was not sc
tenacious of the contents as it might
have been.
The lady began to sneeze-so did
$50 did the whole travelling com
munity.
"Heavensw she cried .."what is it:
| shall choke to deathn'
l seized the handle of my bag
p She sprang to her feet, cast on me a
look of ineffable scorn, and found
another seat.
l hung up the bag then, and
thought my troubles over; but no
the carriage gave another lurch, and
off the hook bounced my carpet-bag,
plump on to the head of prim spins
ter, because her bonnet was trimmed
in green.
She screamed, hoped up, tainted,
and fell into the arms of fellow
passenger. She was stout, he was
thin-his equilibrium was destroyed
over he went into the lap of my
fat woman in purple ribbons. She
felt herself insulted, and said she'd
inform the tariffic manager, who was
on the train; got up for that purpose,
and pitched headlong into the gold
bowed spectacles of a literary gentle
man, who was reading a book. Beads
and bugles darkened the air the
literary gentleman looked politely
surprised, and remarked to his neigh
Dor that he must get out an article on
the evils attending indulgence in
strong drinks. The fat lady subsid-
ed; the guard bore the green-trimmed
spinster off to the saloon, and quiet
was restored.
reached my destination just as
dusk was falling. l made my way to
hotel, carpet-bag in hand. They
showed me up to room in the Sec
ond story, and informed me that sup
per was just ready. I did not light
up, but my face felt hot and dusty,
and plunging my hand into my car
pet-bag, l drew out a bottle of cos
metic always used, and washed my
face with it, wiping with my hand
kerchief. Then l got a fresh hand
kerchief from my bag and descended
to the dining room.
There was perfect blaze of light,
and great many people were pres
ent. l seated myself at one of the
tables, for l was powerful hungry,
and took out my handkerchief to
wipe my face. People looked at each
other and grinned. One pretty girl
giggled right out. l glanced at my
handkerchlef-and good gracious! it
was one of those embroidered con-
trivances, ycleped bibs!
l was about to swear word or
two, when waiter tapped me on the
arm.
81 beg your pardon, sir" said he,
"but perhapse you are unaware of
your present appearance?"
He quietly faced me about so l
could see my reflection III the mirror,
and good gracious! 1 was black as
the ace of spades
1t flashed over nc in an instant
l had taken the wrong carpet bag,
and washed my face with the con-
tents Of somebody's ink-bottle!
| rnshed up stairs and into my
room, and, pulled off my coat and
boots, jumped into bed in the dark.
| meant to lie only long enough to re-
cover my wits, but slumber overcamc
me, and | was aroused at last by the
shining of a lamp in my face. Il
peeped through the curtains and saw
two ladies taking down their hair.
| gazed at them spell-bound. am
free to- confess that l was never so
astonished in all my life. They took
out at least five pounds of stuffed
bags from their locks, and then to
crown the whole, they actually scalp
ed themselves and put their hair in a
box.
One of them turned down the bed
saw me and grew white as sheet.
She threw up her hands and scream
ed
l sprang out. The ladies flew
from the room, down the stairs and |
after them.
They called me a black man, said
l had intended to rob and murder
them, and the manager agreed with
them.
l took the liberty of blowing up
the whole establishment, and got
helped out of it by the boot of the
landlord.
I bought coat and pair of boots
at shop, and had the felicity of
wandering about the streets until
morning-this hotel being the only
one in the place.
Ihave not seen my carpet-bag since
| never desire to set eyes on one of
the tribe again-never!