The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-11-11
Miscellaneous.
Flash writers-Telegraph operators,

a--
Flash Telegraph operators.
Comfortable quarters=ptwenty five cent
pieces. 5..... ..5..,et - o.. es7q
Where is Happiness always to be
found? In the dictionary
A girl never looks SO killing as when
you tread on her dress.
Why do housekeepers. preserve SO
much fruit? Because they can. s5f
There is considerable human nature in
man, and sometimes a little of it in won
! man.
! The old gentleman who spent for
tune in endeavoring to hatch colts from
horse-chestnuts is now cultivating egg
plant, with view to raising chickens
| from it. .lss IsttH rl5da 5as-nl ra
whats the use of going out in this.
muddy weather?'H asked husband Of
his wife. "And what, she returned Isis
the use of having striped stockings?b adt
Since Brooklyn wives have got in the
| habit of sweetening tea with ratpoisony!
the restaurants of that city have beenli
| unusually well patrenized by-bald- d-headed
men. res raet-..l f
There are three classes into which all
| the old women past seventy years of age,
that ever. 1 knew, are to be diyided:
} l. That dear, old soul. 2. That old wo-T
man. 3. That old witch,
When young woman gets, to be thir-a
ty years of age, it becomes dangerous
business for her twin brother, to 60,
around announcing the particulars of his
birth. s55r -7T'sl h1o 3at aa iHVefis7f
The worst case of selfshness that ever
has been presented to the public emanat-
ed from a youth, who complained be-
cause his mother put a bigger mustard
plaster on his younger abTother than She
did on him. RI, O. t.4sae2 a r.. 4s af@
Mark Twain says Horace Greeley once
tried to make a living as ting-nlaster,
and failed. His copy was Virtue is its
own reward" and the scholars got it,
washing with soap is wholly absurd. !,
Nebraska planted twelve million trees0
last year. This may seem a small num-
ber as compared with Nehraskas neces-
sities, but It must be remembered that
four horse,thieyes can be hung on each
tree.
A Negro, suddenly finding himself un-
der fire during sllirmish in the late
Wdfs pray cd MS IS what he. prayed.
"Oh Lordyf if YOU eber guine to do
anythin' for dis old niger, now's your
time" % te- -.is~s ri.e----ss
1t is said that at three years old we
love our mothers; tsiX, our fathers; at
ten, holidays; at sixteen, dress; at twens
ty, cur sweethearts; at twenty fves our
wives; at forty, our childreni, and at.
sixty, ourselves.
-tHs4ta a-A. AZ
ooh, my,dear." reads private letter
recently received by a grass. widower,
from his wife at Saratoga. 81 love you
just as much as ever-1I want you to send
me $50 by next mail-yours my darling
send check and not bills -
When Pennsylvania farmer sold his
farm to an oil company he went to town
the day be got his cash, and bought his
wife two hundred dozen clotheSpins and
twenty five -clothesElines He. said he'd
had jawing enough about that house. ss7r
A country girl, near Utica. Few days
ago, mistookl the meaning of a young
man who was looking up piekers for his
fathers hop yard, and when asked if she
was engaged, sweetly said, Notyet, but
always thought it would be pleasant "es
The young man rode home quickly, and
dreamed all night of breach of promise
trials. .--.-...,,.
Mrs, Case, of Shoals, Indiana, during
the course of a single week knocked one
tramp down, broke rib for. another,
shot at third, and kicked fourth so
vigorously that he had to go to the hos
pital. This is the liveliesb Case on rec
ord. t1es E.zs aate aea
The doctors don't believe in advertis-
ing-its unprofessional, you know-but
let one of EN- tie up a sore thumb for
John Smith, and they'll climb seven
pairs OF stairs to have a reporter "just
mention it, you know" -t..-
A Yankee has invented milking MAJ
chine that can be carried in pocket
book. Now, if he were TO inventa nlilch
COW that could be carried in the eoattail
pocket, his machines would sell more 'q
rapidly. o.
The old ladies of Massachusetts, are g
petitioning1 Gov. CASTOR, OF .Massaohu-
setts, not to hang Jesse Pomeroy for the
reason that in the present delicate state
of his health it would be impossible for
him to.survlve the operation ald..a
A reporter being called on to account
for the statement that certain meeting
was large and respectable one, when
only one other person besides himself
was present insisted that his report was
literally true; for, said he, II was large .
and the other man was respectable" 80 =
"Rents have risen,' was the jocose re- 4
mark OF the astute small boy when snail Z
caught in the previously small tear in,p
his eost tail and ripped the garment up,
to his neck. Subsequently, after an in
trrview with his parents, he moSned TO
himself in the woodshed that dsieather :
had fallen 5gse a fs-s (. /.