New-York tribune. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1866-1924, 1875-05-22
A RELIGIOUS LIFE.
WHAT A BOY THOUGHT ABOUT 1T.

AND THEIR EFFECT UPON CHARACTER-IMPREs-
sIONs RECEIVED AT REVIVAL MEErINGs-JUDd-
MENTs OF CHURCH MEMBERS AcTIONs-BOYs
PRAYER-MEETINGs.
To the Editor Of The Tribune.
SIR: learned during my early boyhood great
many Sunday school lessons and verses of Scripture
l took certain pleasure in committing these 10
memory and being favored in that mental depart
ment, my teachers, both Of the Sunday and day
schools, kept mo employed up to my utmost ca
pacity. had the reputation of being studious
and good boy. Studious was good" in the
sense implied by those who praised me- was not.
possessed an intuitve skillfulness in cOncealing
my real nature and inclinatOns. or perhaps it
would be more proper to say the dark side OF that
nature and inclination. For, at far earlier age
than any suspected all the desires, the covet
ings the envyings the acting out in imagination OF
numberless forbidden acts went on IN my mind.
| Outwardly, was pale-faced sober-looking boy
with perpetual "go-to-meeting" ar ap2Yt me.
| Inwardiy, often lived the life Of Nero haa
| iendsh passion for torturing animals, and needed
| only to have been brought up among the Apaches
where, imbibng Apache ideas of propriety, should
in all probability, have similarly tortured hui
mantv.
OF course thought all this very wrong. mean
by this deemed the practical carrying out OF my
me then simply because had learned that society
forbade such acts My morbid and perverted inner
life. however did not trouble me- In that lived a
great deal and secretly acted out much as could
Yet at times l deemed myself an exemplary little
bow NV conscience commended me for getting my
lessons perfectly and saying my prayers regularly
night and morning. That conscience also troubled
me whenever omitted them. / looked down from
little Pharasacal mount certain boys and young
men who were known to be rather Wild albeit did
not scruple to associate with then and loved such
association. One evening, when about six years OIL
age, while playing in the parlor, ran accident
ally against the comfortable, upsettng
tall "astral lamp" filled with whale OIL
That was before the day of improved burning fuds
No misfortune at that time was so dreaded by house.
keepcrs as the spng of oil on the parlor furniture
Despte plasters of buckwheat paste and other rem
edies as numerous as those for curing common cold
nothing would remove entirely that dark, dirty
stain. saw the tall lamp fitting over; heard the
crash of the great glass shade; in moment the full
measure of the misfortune the common scoldlng ana
whipping the fretting and unavang buckwheat
plasters all flashed through my mind. L fled to the
wood pile. 1t was retired spot. l knelt down
among the chips by the big chOpping log sald inc
Lords Prayer and "NOw / lay me down to sleep"
and another invocation which had been taught me,
lamp Ipleaded my we-learned lessons and regular
devotiOns.
After awhile / returned timdly to the house
| and TO nv establishment was mildly received and
| suffered no punishment. Religion to me at that pc
Rod meant blind fear of punishment for sin. did
not hate snso much as did the eternal punishment
to be suffered for its commission. was really glad
during revvals when certain young men were con-
verted for counted them as saved. tired OFTEN
for years by private prayer and suppcaton to real
ize that change of heart they spoke Of could not
The revival meeting with its shouting grooming, ex-
hortation, tears, and ecstaces. partly disguised,
partly terrified me. l seldom attended these
gatherings and wondered how the other boys
could CO. as they frequently did, to be amused at the
excitement. / dreaded above all things during
these revival seasons the meeting with the more
active members of the church to which my parents
belonged, lest they should begin talking re-
ligion to me. Occasionally some OF these
men would como to me in the Sunday school, anu
taking me by the hand, begin their beseech-
ings and stern admOnitons. dreaded them. Ii at
the praycr-lneeting / saw certain members coming
down the aisle, as frequently they did, to induce
non-professors to 90 to the altar, my blood chilled
with fear lest they should plead with me; because
these persons to then and there the threat
ening embodiments of that awful and eternal pun
III,
ALL deemed myself involved, despite all my reg
Mar devotions. Out of the ranks of the con-
demned could not get since by no private effort
was able to obtain the desired change of heart.
and to 90 up in public and be prayed for was to me
torture. lived under this cloud for many years,
and through its influence committed many despair
ing excesses, deemng in plain terms that If must
be punished would realize all l could of earthly
pleasure while was able.
Deep down in my heart never liked the good
men of our Sunday -school books men made up COM
pletely of sinlcss bits of character picked out
here and there, glued together, vanished and
dressed in black from top to toe; always in that
eternal respectable black suit, leading little boys
about by the hand, pointing up to the skies with
one arm and pumping up texts and precepts with tho
other The mere sight of those pictures threw me
into nervous prickly heat. For that cause alone
believe I hated stove-pipe" hat. Once my
parents insisted on my wearing one. 1t was ever to
me crown Of thorns. felt as if weighted down with
that stiff Sunday school book goodness, of which the
chief work seemed to be that of penning little boys
in doors and smot herring them with solemn admoni-
ton | discovered after while that these were not
real men. / found they were peccd-up men
vanished. began then to suspect that many emf
nent models held up for the emulation and imi-
tation of youth were models in which all the good
had been put prominently forward and all the bad
kept ont Of sight When child | held professors of
religion 10 q very strict accountability for their
words and actions. used to see aud hear great
deal on their part which did not come up to my
standard of a strictly religious life. fear that
no man could have lived up to that standard
The sewing society used sometimes to meet at our
house. his concentrated ali the women III the
church. ] was often present. an nnmportant child
supposed to understand nothing of the conversation
current at such gatherings. Bat did hear and un-