Marshall County Republican., 1875-03-25
A SOLEMN SKETCH.
Pmfing Underfoker-4 Difficult Under
taking.

ethsfV.
"Tve taken your paper for twenty-six
years, he commenced as he reached the
head of the stairs, "and now l want a
puff
He was very tall, slender man, had
face which hadn't smiled since 1S42, and
his neck was embraced by awhite cravat,
and his hands were thrust into black
gloves.
"I've got new hearse, new stock of
coffins, and | want local notice, he
continued, as he sat down and sighed, as
if ready to screw ?. coffin-lid down.
"My dear sir, replied the man in the
corner, "Ive met you at great many
funerals, and your general bearing has
created a favorable impression. You
sigh with the sighers, grieve with the
grievers, and ON extra occasions you can
shed tears of sorrow, even though you
know that you can't get 10 per cent. of
your bill under six months
"Yes," sighed the undertaken, in
stinctively measuring the length of the
table with his eye, and wondering TO
himself why editors tables weren't COW
cred with Grape, with rows of coffin nails
around the edges.
death is a very solemn thing" con-
tinued the man in the corner "but still,
it is an occasion when one can appreciate
neat thing. have seen you rub your
knuckles against door-posts and never
change countenance I've seen you listen
to eulogies ON men who owed you for
twenty years before their death, and you
looked even more solemn than the be-
resved widow I've seen you back yorI
hearse up to a door in such an easy, quiet
way that it robbed death of half its
terrors. All this have | seen and ap-
preciated, but 1 couldn't write puff for
YOU
'Why not z" he demanded
''For many reasons. Now you have a
new hearse. Could 1 go on and say
Mr.. Sackcloth, the genial undertaken
has Just received fine new hearse, ana
we hope that our citizens will endeavol
to bestow upon it the patronage sucl
enterprise deserves. 1t rides easy, i:
handsomely finished, and those who try
it once will want no other Could / sa,
that %
"No, not very well.
s.Of course 1 couldn't. You can cal
grocer or a dry-goods man a 'genia
friend, and it's all right, but You sren'
genial-you can't be. It's your busines:
to be solemn. If you could be ever
more solemn than you are, it would b'
money in your pocket.
''That's So" he said, signing heavily
''If it was an omnibus, or a coal cart
or wheel-barrow, / could go on ant
write a chapter on every separate spoke
but it isn't, you see"
He leaned back and sighed again.
"And as to your cofins, they arr
doubtless nice coffins, and your price
are probably reasonable, but could l g
on and say, Mr. Sackcloth, the under
taker, has just received his new styles il
spring coffins, all sizes, and is now pre-
pared to see as many of his old custom
ers as want something handsome an,
durable at a moderate price. Could
say that p
Another sigh.
"I couldn't Say that you We're holdin
clearing-out sale in order to get read
for the spring trade, or that, for th
aske of increasing your patronage, yo
had decided to present each cuztomt
with chrome. couldn't say that yo
were repairing and re-painting, and ha
the most attractive coffin-shop in ID
troit. 1t wouldn't do to hope that PEI
pie would patronize you, or to say th'
all orders sent in by mail would
promptly filed, and that your mot
was: "Ouick sales and small profits :"
He put ON the look of a tOmbstol
and made no reply.
"You see, if you had stoves to sell.
dealt in mackerel, or sold fishing-tackl
everything would be lovely. You a
an undertaker-solemn, sedate, mour
full. You revel in Grape, and you new
pass black walnut door without thinkil
how much good coffin lumber was rec
lessly wasted. The tolling bell is mus
to you, and the City Hall flag at half-ma
is fat on your ribs. We'd like to Obj
you, but you see how it is.
"Yes, / see," he sighed, and
formed in procession and moved do
stairs, looking around now and then
see if the hearse was just thirty -four Il
behind the officiating clergyman's c
riage.-Detroit Free Press.
THE most profitable form OF mother
MI Rlr1