The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1875-03-27
ParagraplliC.

"A poor relatlon--tellipg an anec-
dote badly.
Carpets are bought by the yard,
and worn by the foot,
--Waisting sweetness putting your
arm about pretty woman.
As you nnotavod youT own com.
pany make it as good as possible.
Instead Of saying "look up" the
Texan exclains; "See hyar, old fell
lowl"
Habit is cable Every day we
weave a thread, and soon We cannot
break it.
Mrs. Beecher is an awful homely
woman, but then her bread is never
heavy.
1t is the high price of slate pencils
that is driving the. saloon. keepers TO the
poor.house.
Mrs. Gubbins says her husband is
like tallow candle; he always will
smoke when he goes out.
Two things in this world that should
not be trifled with-a woman's opinion,
and the business end of wasp.
MAY heaven bless and keep you
from your own true love, Benjamin
Herrick," was the way the letter ended.
Teeth in exchange for wheat,
pork or potatoes, is what on enterpris.
ing dentist in one of the State towns adj
yertises.
"A grocer when complained to about
selling bad eggs. said: "At this season
tie hens amt well and very often lay
bad eggs"
"A Rhode Island woman says that
she'd rather have the nightmare seven
straight nights than tell her husband
that the -four barrel is empty.
When Chicago man gets rich, he
writes to Eastern publishing houses and
tells them to send "haIf a ton of books
with gilt on
Miss Eastman, in her woman suf-
frage argument up at the State House,
used this simile: "Eyes as brightas but
tons on angels coats" She's getting
brassy.
Give your son good education
and settled purpose in life, and when he
'Sa mGn be will not be content to sit
back of grocery stove and crack his
finger-joints.
There is said to be but one diyoIce
in England to every ten in America.
Comparatively few English people mar
ry for fun, it would seem.
The New Haven Register relates
that an actor at one of the theatres was
called out three times in one evening
not long ago-twlce by the sheriff ard
once by tailor.
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by a young person
who has burnt all her hair off her fore
head with a hot slate pencil and cannot
afford to buy row of curls.
"A musician, noticing that his
friends wearied at his performance, re-
marked: "You are aware that this i s
very difficult passage" 81 wish it
Vas impossible" replied one.
The Detroit Free Press asks. If Mr..
Bergh can send man to Jail for three
months for killing mad cat, we'd like
to know what he can do to a boy who
feeds marbles TO parrot.
A little American lad who had Just
commenced reading the newspapers
asked his father if the word "Hon.
prefxed to the name of member OF
Congress meant honesty"
---No, Mr.. Indiana man, we don't
want to buy any autographs of Gen
Washington at$S 80 each. We can write
all we want, and do as well as WASH
ington used to.
"A. 7. Stewart once paid $40, 900
for painting forty feet long, and evel
since then be makes it practice every
night and morning of saying to himself
!'Stewart, you are the biggest jackas
in America"
Deacon Ladue, of Wisconsin, wen
to the barn the other day and hum
himself with log chain because hi
wife playIully kicked his hat off AM
exclaimed: That s the kind of clothes
pip ami"
"A little girl asked minister: SD
you think my father will go to heaven?'
"Mhy, yes. my child. Why do ask?'
"Well, because ifhe don't have his owl
way there, he won't stay long, wa
thinking"
The ghos' CT Noah Webster came
a spiritual medium in Alabama, nc
long since, and wrote ona slip of paper
at is tite times" Noah was right, bu
we are sorry to seehe has gone back o
hio dtofinparu