Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1875-05-06
VARIETY AND HUMOR.

AMI ~ AVAss
A vain collection Of tails-Peacock's
works.
Improving ones time-mending the
clock.
When is fowls head like bells
When 1t is wrung for dinner.
Bad Signs-Those which are likely
to fall on the heads of passers-by.
1t takes a pretty smart man to tell
when he is happy.
Why is the sun like good loaf?
Because it's light when it rises.
When q man can't find anything to
do he has lived long enough.
The Brooklyn bridge is expected to
be completed in the summer OF 1877
When fortune wants to let q human
being fall the hardest she lifts him up
the highest.
One factory at Nantucket, Mass,
made Is, 900 straw hats for summer wear
during the winter.
The destructive tobacco fly has
made its appearance in large numbers
in some parts of Virginia.
Give me to write the songs OF ma
ton, and care not who does the outdoor
work-Nes0 York World.
Here is a Pennsylvania conundrum:
Does the Lord love man who spends
at a church festival the money he owes
his washerwoman?"
A writer in a Boston paper says:
1T requires Laore strategy to be book
agent than to be q generar-and more
brass.
What can be more exasperating to
the long-suffering soul OF him who is
"next" than to see the barber Of his
choice putting on his coat and starting
for dinners
They have introduced German into
the public schools of Baltimore. One
German stood in the door and said to the
teacher: "If dot poy Hans comes home
NIT some more plisters on his hants !
shall raise dunder!"
People in California who have named
their babies James Lick are in trouble,
and wonder how they happened to forget
the bad luck that proverbially ATTENDS
too much confidence in man before he
stops breathing.
-" No eetin appuls in school-ours!"
reads a sign on the blackboard of q
school house in enlightened old Massa-
chusetts, where education is supposed TO
sit on the top rail and make faces at ig-
nOrance.
They attempted to give out an eight
syllable word at one of the Rhode Island
spelling-matches the other night, but
found that there wasn't room for it ia
the State.-Boston Transcript.
Just the moment a young man at
Lexington, KY, Tugs home a fiddle and
commences to scrape and yeowl, just
that moment cohort of taxpayers gath
er and inquire for the rope used at the
last public northumberland Press.
"A million pounds of the new spring
clip of California wool have been sold at
San Francisco at from eighteen to TWEEN
ty-five cents, an average of one to two
cents per pound better than last year.
Years of experience in moving en-
ables carman to distinguish, in an APP
parently Indifferent glance, the light
from the heavy end of stove, or which
is the best position on the stairs, in front
or behind. Against these fearful odds
the head of the family stands no chance
whatever.
Don't trust man unless you can see
his face. A Kentucky farmer went to
dinner, leaving the hired man in the
barn, singing MY soul yearns to be
Free" and in less than half an hour the
man and $500 mule were missing
Detroit Free Press.
"A Philadelphia preacher, Rev. DR..
Hatfield, has been pronouncfng the lib.
erty of the press" nonsense. For man
thus to tamper with fate in city where
obituaries are made specially shows, to
say the least, an intense disregard of
posthumous reputation.
"A writer in the London Globe says:
I" There are only three nations who use
slang to any great extent, VIZ. france,
England and America. Of tn, sc French
is by far the wittiest, American the most
appropriate, and English the most forci-
BILE and obscure" sf as.il8 4A
The Mayor of Kenton, little wee
village in Nevada, won't take letter
from the postoffice unless there is an
I" Hon." before his name, and he whipped
an editor who inadvertently spoke of
him as the village President
Edgar Poe said: "To vilify great
man is the resdiest way in which little
man can himself attain greatness. The
crab might have never become constel-
lation but for the courage it evinced in
nibbling Hercules on the heelp'
-"Oh, your shameful LAVISH said Mrs.
Henry, when she found she couldn't sell
her property without John Henry's join
ing in the deed. "a woman can't own
her own soulp' Madam" said John
Henry, gravely, you are mistaken. In
this free country woman can own any
thing but her age"
"A guest at hotel the other day was
observed looking closely at his plate, and
as waiter approached he asked: "Sir,
what is this on my plate?" "OysteIs
fried in crumbs, was the reply. You
are sure9" "Yes, sir" "Ah! yes. Well,
take 'em away. and for change bring
me some crumbs fried in oysters"
The railroads are carrying grain from
Buffalo to New York for eight cents a
bushel, which Is lower than the actual
cost by canal at the present rate of toll,
and the Buffalo Commercial Aduertiser
doubts whether q much higher figure
will be obtained when navigation opens.
Should this prove to be the case, it Is
not unlikely that the boatmen may de-
cline to fit out at all, since they will
hardly care to commence operations at a
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