South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-08-27
WIT AND IIUMoIx.

W.T. AND HUMOR.
~ Mr.. Ball, of Westville, n. Y, has
made run from home. He left wife
and several creditors. We should say
he is base Bail.
la An exchange says that pull back
dresses have this good effect: 'sThey
do not permit the girls to kick One
OF our compositors says he hopes the
fashion will hang on till he can get ~
round, rs he never waited on q girl vet
that did not kick him.-Ctaeb. Times.
EV An Iowa farmer has invented a
contrivance that is fastened TO buggy
dash to hold the lines. Counting cou.
pies are delighted with it.
Iv"Ma," said small boy, approach.
ing his mother, and exhibiting unmis-
table symptoms of q severe pain in the
bowels, do green apples grow in hea-
yen!"
~ Up at Wheeling, recently, man
allowed mule 10 caress his nose with
his hoofs. We presume he has no nose
now, nor very little cheek, unless he is
Sewing Machine agent.
l1' If young man sits up too late
with his sweetheart in this section, the
old folks come into the parlor, and with
refinement of sarcasm, invite him TO
wait n few minutes longer and breakfast
will be ready.
I|'Jessie, what was Joe's arms do
ing round your waist when you were at
the front gate last night?" asked apre-
cocious boy of his sister. Ellis arm
wasn't round my waist; | won q belt
from him, and he was taking my meas.
ure,' replied the indignant young lady.
y SOLID DINNER OF the New
York hotels have bills OF fare with the
fly leaf covered with cards of various
business houses. An Oregan man re-
Gently took Il seat behind one of them.
when waiter appeared with ''W hat will
You have, sir?" To the utter confusion
OF the waiter, he leisurely remarked
You may fetch me a new set Of teeth.
In gu.ta percha Florence sewing ma.
chine, with patent lock stitch; box of
Brandreth's pills, and pair of No. Sc
ven French calfskin boots" In mo.
ment the waiter replied We do not fur
nish those articles" Then what the
devil have you got it on the bill of fare
for?" retorted the customer.
IS'A little boy who loves to pass his
evenings in the stores, and listen to the
improved conversation of the elders
Ia IL; re
the other night that hereafter he must
stay Mt home. II wish | was n man."
he said. And what would you dc if
you were man?" II would get married
and then l could 90 to the stores every
evening"
I@' The Philadelphia Ledger says
there was male child born few DAYS
ago to married couple in Gloucester
city, the father being in his eightieth
year and the mother in her seventeen
year. They had been married twenty
two years and this is their first child
This is n prolific year.
!v"Ma," said an intelligent and
thoughtful boy, II don't think Solomon
was so rich rs Us they say he was''-
why, my dear, what could have put
that into your head?" 'Why. the Bible
says lie slept with his fathers and II
think if he had been so very rich, he
would have had bed of his own"
IVA colored woman. q few DAYS
since, inquired of her husband what was
the meaning of arrest. She said Il
hear so much bout people being under
arrest "a rest) what does it mean?''-
why" said the coored deiiner thus ap.
pealed TO, "and-aud why. arrest means
when anybody do anything mean dey
take EN- up an put em in Jail. an let
'cm rest deere. When they done cot
sulishently rested den dcy lets 'em out"
well. we'll" said the anxious inquirer.
Jim, belcabs you nose mos anything;
| never ltnowed dat alore."
Good advice:
Don't l:t your angry passions rise,
Because your ucighbors advertise,
Ana draw away the dimes
But boldly do NJ they have done,
Pursue the course they have begun,
And drive away dull times
lV'"In faith, Captain" said n son of
Erin, rs q ship was coming ON the coast