davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
WOMEN'S TRAINS.
The ssPrOfessOr at the Break fast Ta
ble'' Speaks His Mind.

SPEAKS HIS Mlmus
Oliver Wendell Holmes: Our land
lady's daughter is young lady Of
some pretensions to gentility. She
wears her bonnet well back on her,
head. which is known to all to be a
mark of high breeding. She wears her
trains very long, as the great ladies do
in Europe. To be sure their dresses
are SO made only to sweep the tapes
tried floors of chateaus and palaces;
as those odious aristocrats of the 9th
er side do not go dragging through
the mud in silks and satins, but, for
soOth, must ride in coaches when they
are in full dress. 1t is true that. con-
sidering various habits of the Ameri-
can people. also the little accidents
which the best kept sidewalks are liza
BILE to, a lady who has swept mile of
them is not exactly in such a condi-
tion that one would care to be her
neiehbor. But confound the make
believe woman we have turned loose
in our streets! Where do they come
from? Not out of Boston parlors, l
trust. Why there isn't beast or
bird that would drag it's tail through
the dirt in the way these creatures do
their dresses. Because a queen or
duchess wears long robes on great oc-
cations, a maid of all work or facto-
ry girl thinks she must make herself
nuisance by trailing about with her
-pah! that's what l call getting vul-
garity into your bones and marrow
Making believe what you are not is
the essence OF vulearity. Show over
dirt is the one attribute of vulgar peo-
pie. Ii any man can walk behind one
Of these. women, and see what she
rakes up as she goes, and not feel
squeamish. he has got a strong stom-
ach. [ wouldn't let one of 'em into
my room without serving them as
David served Gaul at the cave in the
wilderness-cu off his skirts, sir. cut
off his skirts. Don't tell me that a
true lady ever sacrifices the duty of
keering all about her sweet and clean
to the wish of making "a vulgar show
l won't believe it of a lady. There
are some things that no fashion has a
right to touch and cleanliness is one
oil those things. If a woman wishes
to show that her husband or father
has got money which she wants and
means to spend, but doesn't know
how, let her buy yard or two of silk
and pin it to her dress when she goes
out to walk, but let her unpin it be-
fore she goes into the house.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
RICHMOND.
women folks. That's what makes

women folks. That's what makes
Fox's Book of Martyrs go so. But,
after you have ninety people say No.
and been kicked down stairs half-a-
dozen times, you will learn how.
Good-day.' And with this clerical
looking party went inside and slam
med the door.
Bromley gazed at the closed door
went to his hotel meditating. He
stayed in New Brunswick two weeks
longer, but did not essay any further
canvass until he received letter from
the publisher, expressing surprise and
regreta at not hearing from his new
agent, save by drafts for expenses.
This c,used Bromley to make another
effort, and he gave day to steady
canvassing, without any success till
near sundown. By this hour he had
got we'll out into the country when in
the centre Of a large lot. remote from
any neighbors, he saw carpenter Mt
work on the roof of new house.
Ascertaining that no one was near,
Bromley approached the house, as
cended the ladder and accosted the
workman with, "Do you want The
History of the World, from"
MOI interrupted the man, sharply.
Bromley was mad at last. And look
ing at the carpenter moment he re-
sumed,-
Look here! You've got to buy
the book. y
What do you mean"
Il mean just this; that l came from
Connecticut to New Brunswick to sell
this work. / have been here two
weeks, and have not sold a copy. L
am going back morrow, and you
are the last man | shall speak to
about it, but you We got to subscribe.
We are alone on this roof. / am big
ger than you, and | have got control
of this ladder. Down goes your name,
or down goes the ladder!''
The carpenter surveyed the situa-
ton a few moments, and saw that
Bromley held the key of the position.
and that there was no ESCAPE. as no.
body else was in hearing, and the lad :
der was the only means of access to
the roof Hence he said quietly.
Where shall I sign p
There" said Bromley, handing
him blank book.
The man signed, and then asked,
How much?" Five dollars. !"
There it gis,' handing over the
amount "All right; you shall have
the book in few days" All right, /"
Good day. Good day Don't
trouble yourself to come here again. F"
Never" With this Bromley went
down the ladder. went to his hotel,
packed his valise, and started for
home that night.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
Are the Public schools ImmOral :
- From the Madison Courier l1pI1sf q ] .

AAS SAAG 0CnVO1D
From the Madison Courier, August 25.l
Among the objections urged b,
Bishop st. Palais against. the public
school system In his Lenten Pastoral
Of 1875, is the charge of immortality.
1t is proper to state here that this is
an accusation brought by Catholic
priests and newspapers all over the
country. But a few weeks ago the
Central Catholic of indianapolis at
tackled the, school system on this is
sue. Now the official writings Of the
Bishop of Vincennes and the Roman
Catholic newspaper .org1n OF Indiana
are authoritative utterapces. They
may not represent the sentiments of
the mass ct Catholic citizens but they
do represent the views of the control
lers Of the Catholic Church. As such
they merit consideration. Bishop st.
Palais language on the point in ques-
ton is
I'VE object to these schools again
because: the promiscuous assembling
Of both sexes at q certain age is inju-
rious to the morals of the children,
and because we dread. associations
which might, in time, prove pernicious
to them and distressing to their par
ents." 50 -
J Here broad accusation is made.
It is that the public schools are inju-
rious to the morals of children be-
cause both sexes attend them. We
shall not attempt to argue the point
at this time. Our purpose is 10 pre-
sent the accusation to the attention of
the Teachers Institute now in session
in the High School building. The
Courier might prove to the satisfac-
ton of its readers that as general
proposition the commingling of the
sexes in schools is not immoral. but
on the contrary that it is wise, bene-
fetal, and conducive to good morals.
but the question as put by Bishop st.
Palais is not one Of theory, but one of
fact The Bishop says: I've object
to these schools, meaning the public
schools, because they are immoral"
and he gives his reason. 3-af
The charge is either true or false.
If it is true the people ought to know
it and reformative measures be adopt
ed Immediately But if, on the other
hand, it is not true, the falsity of the
accusation ought to be declared in
distinct and emphatic terms. As the
schools the Bishop refers to are the
public schools of Jefferson county. and
other counties in the diocese Of Vim
cennes, we believe it to be the duty of
the teachers of the schools to deny or
affirm the truthfulness of his accusa-
ton. The people of Madison and
Jefferson county are entitled to an
expression from the teachers assem-
bled in the County Institute. They
are better able to form correct
judgment in the premises than any
other person or class Of persons.
To our mind Bishop st. Palais' OBJ
lection has little weight. 1t appears
to us he reasons too much in the
direction of his desires. Had he sug-
gested or requested the alteration of
our school system because the associ-
alton of boys and girls at a certain age
is immoral" we would think he pre-
sentcd the objection in good faith.
But since he uses it as an argument
for the destruction of the system, it is
likely that he is more intent upon
that end than any other.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
Parody or Poe.s Raven.

The other night while we lay mus
ing. and our brain confusing O er the
topics of the day, suddenly we heard
a rattling, as oe serious hosts bat
tling, as they mingled in the fray
What is that?' we cried, upstarting,
and into the darkness dartiEg. slap!
we ran against the door. "Oh, It's
nothing Edward grumbled, as DER a
huge armchair we stumbled. tis a
bug and nothing more" Then said
We, our anger rising, (for we thought
it SO surprising that bug should thus
offend )-'Do you think small insect,
sir. thus would all this air infect, sir?
No, tbs not bug, my friend
Now becoming sorely frightened,
round our waist our pants We tighten.
ed, and put. on our coat and hat
when into the darkness peering, we
saw with trembling and much fearing.
the glaring eyes OF Thomas Cat, Esq.
With astonishment and wonder, we
gazed upon the son Of thunder, as he
sat upon the foor-when, resolution
taking, and rapid movement max
ing, 10. We opened wide the door.
Now clear out, we hoarsely shouted,
as Ger head our boot was fouted-
Take your presence from our floor. u
Then, with air and mien majestic,
made his exit through the door.
Made his exit without growing, neith-
er was his voice howling. not single
word he said. And with feelings
much elated. to escape a doom so fa-
ted, we went back TO bed.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
Rcautiful RehAytOr.

Ifthere is anything in which the
beauty and wisdom of knowing when
to leave off is manifested, it is behav-
ior, and how rare is beautiful behav-
ior, greatly by reason of the want OF
due proportion in the characters and
objects of most persons, and from
their want of some perception of the
whole of things! Let any man run
over in his mind the circle Of his
friends and aoquaintances, and Of
those he has become acquainted with
in history and biography; and he will
own how few are or have been, per-
sons of beautiful behavior, of real
greatness of mind. Observe the calm
ness of great men, noting by the way
that real greatness belongs to no sta
tion and 10 set of circumstances.
This calmness is the cause of their
beautiful behavior Vanity, injustice,
intcmperance, are all smallness, aris-
ing from blindness to proportion in
the vain, the unjust. the Incorporate.
Whereas no one thing, unless it be
the love of God, has such a continu-
GUS hold on a great mind as to seem
all in all to it.-Arthur Helps.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
Manhood: How Lost,
si How Restored |!

a.n Just published, q new edition OF
<WA Dr. Culverwell's Celebrated
DRx Essay on the radical cure with
out medicine) of SPERMAToRRHOEA
or Seminal Weakness, Involuntary Semi.
nal Losses, IMPoTENCY, Mental and Phys
zeal Incspacity, Impediments to Marriage,
ETC.; also, CONSUMPTION. EPILEPSY and
FITS, induced by self-indulgence or sexual
extravaganza, &c.
ns- Price, in a sealed envelope, only six
cents.
The celebrated author, in this admirable
Essay, clearly demonstrates, from thirty
years successful practice. that the alarm
ing consequences of self-abuse may be rad
iealiy cured without the dangerous use of
internal medicine or the application of the
knife; pointing out a mode of cure at once
simple, certain. and effectual, by means of
which every sufferer, no matter what his
condition may be, may cure himself cheap
Iy, privately, and radically.
BG- This Lecture should be in the hands
of every youth and every man in the land.
Sent under seal, in a plain envelope, TO
any address, postpaid, on receipt of six
cents or two post stamps.
Address the publishers,
CHAS. J. KLINE & CO.,
l27 Bowerv, New York; P. .. Box, 45s6.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08

Oh, she was an A l Conneaut belle,
of the very first water or more;
and she married regular fine haired
swell who clerked in a dry goods
store And he clerked, aud he clerk
ed, till at last he fell into trouble with
some Of the money; and they went out
West, in way, folks tell. not particu-
lar funny. And after time the belle
came home. the old folks for to see;
and the neighbors asked, when they
found she'd come, what her husbands s
biz might be. ''Oh, he is a railroad
man now," she said Assistant Con.
ductor," said she: but some one asked.
as he shook his head, what the dick
that high old style of hers, she an
swered the interrogation: He assists
in Stacking the speed of the cars when
the train approaches a station
Ashtabula News.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
The Clerks Story.

s'When | used to tend store the old
man came around one day, and says
he, Boys, the one who sells the most
between now and Christmas gets a
vest pattern as a present. Maybe
that we did not work for the vest-pat-
tern. l tell you there was some tall
stories told in praise of goods about
that time; but the tallest talker, and
the one who had the most cheek of
any of us, was certain Jonah Guires,
who roomed with me. He could talk
a dollar out Of mans pocket when
the man only intended to spend six
pence, and the women-Lord bless
you-they just handed over their
pocket books to him and let him lay
out what he liked for them. One
night Jonah woke me up with, BY
Jove, old fellow, if you think that
'ere's got cotton in it, | ii bring down
the sheep it was cut from, and make
him own his own wool. TwOn't wear
out, either; wore pair of pants OF
that stuff for FIVE years. and they are
as good now as when l first put them
on. Take it at thirty cents, and I'll
say you didn't owe me anything. En-
too dear? Well call it twenty eight
cents. What 'ye say? All rig hit.
It's bargain.' l could feel Jonah's
hand playing about the bed clothes
for an instant; then rip, tear. went
something or another, and | hid my
head under the blankets, perfectly
convulsed with laughter, and and per-
fectly sure that Jcnah had torn the
best sheet from top to bottom. When
/ awoke the next morning, found the
back of my night shirt split from the
bottom to the collar band"
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08


[From the Washington Star, August III
Il was ten O'Clock THE morning. and
Treasurer New had gotten ready to
more signatures, when he was inter
rupted By a rather good-looking Irish
woman, clad in snowy white, with an
umbrella and portfolio burdenipg her
arms. He looked mp with pleasant
Good morning.
"Well, madam, what can I do fer
you?' a's = e
, Its a place. phat want. God
Mr.. New-"My dear woman, have
no place to give You r.. :
your tongue7 Bad luck, to vel. 1
have me character with me. and its
the reading Of it that will oh,sege
me-" ts
The visitor, who had by this time
become somewhat elated, opened her
letters. She handed them out one By
to read. He had read about three Of
them when he again interposed to
have the woman relieve him from fur.
IucE tTOuOlcs ny tAc GU puoetS an
nouncement that he really had no
place to give her se, at present Would
CAY, faith, will call again. But
won't yees read my character; ay,
here's a beauty; and it's from General
Grant, that it is - 5000.
Mr.. New took the letter, and sure
enough it was an endorsement from
the President Still he told the wo-
man he could not give her place.
Whereupon; the Celtic blood got
''riled." She came down with sue
cession of thumps with her umbrella
on Treasurer New 8 table, after the
manner of a negro minstrel giving
force to the stump speeches made by
such artists. 1.ss<
"Wurrah, wurrah p said she, IAN
it was me own cousin phat tould me
that yecs was an honest man, and that
yees would help the poor. When
General Spinner wos here he wouldn't
give me place. faith. bekase l wasn't
a good looking woman. and it was
that little spalpeen Saville that when
he was chief clerk turned me out, and
faith. now 1 hear that he is in Europe.
Bad luck 10 the ship that brings him
home, and may it sink to the bottom
of the say !"
Mr.. New-"My dear woman, don't
get excited" 9.5s~-.
Excited, is it and am I excited :?
Faith, [ wud have yees know that me
man Dinnis and me boy Pat served in
the army, and meself it was who
nursed the sogers. Now, Misther
|, New, I know lots O payple in this
,, office who was ribels when me man
Dinnis and me boy Patewas marchin'
/ wild the sogers."
Mr.. New-"Well, If you will bring
me their names, | will have them
turned out"
"Yees, sir; and it's meseh that will
| bring the names, and right soon. too,
I tell yees, am going to have place,
and il ! can't get it wild the large
bundle Of characters that bring wild
me. / will come down wild revolver,
and some one will get kilt, that he
will"
AS she brought out the last sen
tence she repeated the umbrella pro
cess, bringing it down with violent
| thumps As she returned she told
the Treasurer. And it's the name OF
| the ribils am alter. and. bad luck to
yees, will bring them"
After the woman had retired Mr..
New said to the Star representative
that he guessed he would give the
| woman place, or there might be a
dead Treasurer.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
A Noble Lesson from the English
Courts.

The coarsencss and brutality of at
torneys in the examination of wit
nesses in American courts is familiar
to the public. Neither sex, age nor
character protects the witness from
the grossest insults. In our circuit
court and magistrates courts we have
listened with amazement to the lam
guage Of attorneys, who. outside the
time they act as examiners of wit
nesses, bear in our estimation the
highest character for courtesy and
manliness. But it is not manly. it is
not decent to browbeat, confuse, sneer
at and insult a witness. 1t is coward
", brutal, ruf6anly. The practice
defeats the very end for which courts
are established. The law is designed
to protect the weak, and here the
weak and utterly defenceless are
placed in the remorseless talons OF
legal hawks, to be torn and clawed
and thrust through and through with
out mercy or redress.
A most refreshing instance in which
the liberty of attorneys was not abused
comes from England. from the trial
OF distinguished officer of the En-
glish army and prime favorite of
royalty. [ In the trial of Col. Valen-
tine Baker a most gentle consider
alton was shown for the unfortunate
young lady who appeared as prosecu.
tor. 8 No offensive badgering, no
abuse of the privilege of an examining
attorney were allowed in her simple
testimony inculpating a man of emf
nent rank Before some other tribu-
nails the socialiposition of the prisoner
would have been taken as warrant
to break down, by any means that
could be used, the prosecuting wit
ness.s She was there. however, able
to maintain her self-respect. and al
lowed, as any woman ought to be. to
bring a miserable offender against
decency to his proper punishment
without herself being placed in
more disagreeable position than the
STANDARDIZATION Courier.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08

An attorney about to finish a bill
of costs was requested by his client. a
baker, ito make it as light as he
could. "Ah!' replied the attorney,
that's what you may say to your
foreman, but it's not exactly the way
l make bread"
A father fearing an earthquake in
the region of his home, sent his two
boys to a distant friends until the
peril should be over A few weeks
after, the father received this letter
from his friends: please take your
boys home and send down the earth
quake"
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
The first thing in boot is the last

lie uTSl tHluK 10 u pOOt Is tue last.
A girl of in-bread usefulness
Sally-ratus.
Peru will pay off her debt with gu
ano--scent for cent.
Why is kiss like sewing ma
chine? Because it seams SO good.
What are they which, though al
ways drunk, are never intoxicated? p
Toasts.
A Western man who bit his neigh
boris nose off was bound over to keep
the piece.
What is it that, that with one is
exceedingly useful, but with two SIS
is altogether useless? "A Needle.
A Saratoga philosopher says a sin
gle woman, as a general thing, can be
told from a wife, and yet he has known
many a girl to be taken for wife.
When freedom from her mountain
height unfurled her standard to the
air, her skirts, pinned back SO very
tight, made her appear exceeding
spare. 4IfaF 81
A Kansas girl says that nothing
makes her 80 mad as to have q grass
hopper crawl up and down her back
just as her lover has come to the pro-
posing point.
The Boston editor said he wrote as
plain as could be. THE sacred heav-
ems around him shine." when the
blarsted printer went and made 1t,
The scared hyenas around him
shine!'
Near Knoxville, the other night,
young girl, who was unexpectedly in
tervicwed by ;he family as she was
about eloping with the object of her
virgin affections, knocked the old
man down, laid out two brothers with
a cistern pole, kicked the hired man
in the stomach, and got away with her
lover, and made the rifle" We
wish that heaven had sent US such :
women as that.
The steamer Fanny was cominl
down the upper Mississippi loaded with
pig lead. AS she was going over a
ehoal place the pilot gave the sigma
to heave the lead. The only man for
ward was q green Irishman. "Why
don't you. heave the lead?' rs it the
lead, yer honor2 Where tor Over
board, you blockhead?' The Irish
man snatched up one OF the pigs OF
lead and threw it overheard. The
mate, in endeavoring to prevent him.
lost his balance and fell into the river
| The captain. running to the deck.
| asked: why don't you heaye the
lead and sing out how much water
there is?'' 'sThe lead is heaved. yer
honor, and the mates gone down to
see how much water there is"
Little Alice was crying bitterly. and
on being questioned confessed to hav-
ing received a slap from ono of her
| turned it." unwisely said the ouss
TONER. "Oh, I returned it besore !.
said the little girl.
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08
WAYNE COUNTY, INDIANA, SEPT. 8,


"Jack- k-in-the-Pulpit," in the Sep
tember number Of ST. Nicholas, talk.
as follows on the subject: Il suppos.
you youngsters think that all hair
are alike, except as to color; but that
is only because your eyes are not yer.
shalp. If your eyes were as sharp as
a microscope, you could tell from the
tiniest slice of hair whether it grew
on boy or quadruped, and what
quadruped. A human hair, | am told.
looks, in that searching little instrr.
ment, like a hollow tube, quite trans
parent, and marked with irregular
lines around it. On looking very
closely, these lines are seen to be the
ends of separate surface coats. o.
bark, Of the hair. Think cf your hairs
having bark! Inside the thin, scaly
covering ia fibrous substance, from
the bulb where it begins to the point
The color of the hair is decided by
the color of the. fluid that fills this
transparent tube. A cats hair looks.
under this prying instrument, like thu
trunk Of an old, rough palm-tree;
while bats hair resembles flowers Of
to form chain. A bat from India
ed very wide. and notched on th.
edge. Hair from the head of bee is
pointed and set with short hairs
standing straight out from the stem;
and the hairs of caterpillar are like
stout, horny rods drawn to a point
and set with spines on each side.
This is very queer; but there anoth.
er thing about it. If the hairs of
sheep. and other animals whose hair
is used in manufactures, had not
rough scales which clasp and mat to-
gether, they could not be made into
felting. That is what makes broad
cloth ard other wooden cloth so firm
and strong"
The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-09-08

The celebrated Bath bricks which
are known in almost every commercial
market, are manufactured from de-
posits of the river Parrett, Bridge
water, England. Millions of them
are made annually. and q large body
of operatives are employed in the in
dustry. in some cases whole families
of both sexes and almost all ages
working at one molding. This de-
posit i. not found anywhere in the
world besides, so that Bridgewater
has to furnish the whole world with
the article, which. for certain pur-
poses. have long been deemed indis-
pensable. T. is remarkable fact
that these Bath bricks are just as
well known in China as in England;
they are known in India, and, indeed,
all over the world.