Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-06-03
MisceIIaneous.


A natural revolutionist-the earth.
An affecting sight-barrels in tiers.
The sun says, with lisp, 81 thaw
it."
Something that ought to De put
t. down--carpets.
A muff-a thing that holds a young
lady's hand without squeezing it.
"Orthogrammania," is what they
are calling the rage for spelling
matches.
sMa, when is a griddle cake inhab-
ited2" "Why, my dear, when there
is a little Indian in il"
1t appears that coming copper is
not profitable. The government has
not made half cent since 1857.
Don't imagine that you were born
to reform the world. You can't split
a mountain with toothpick."
Mark Twain denies that his ''Gild
ed Age was failure. He says it
gave poor, worthy bookbinder a
job.
Don't locate your grandfather Sin
the front rank" in the Concord and
Lexington fight. That was the one
that retreated.
"Is that clock right over there?"
asked visitor the other day. Fright
over there" said the boy. "'taint no
where else"
The crocus put his head out from
under the snow and said to it's COM
panion, "you lilac everything if you
say this is spring"
A bashful compositor refused to
accept situation in an Office where
girls were employed, saying he never
set up with a girl in his life.
What is the difference between the
Emperor Williams chrnnesaeter and
a bill poster2 One is Bills ticker
and the other a bill-sticker.
The greatest feat in eating ever
recorded is told of a man who COM
menced by bolting a door, after which
he threw up window, and swal
lowed a whole story.
A man is said to be absent-minded
when he thinks he has left his watch
at home and takes it out of his pock-
ct to see if he has time to return
homeland get it.
A Brown county editor bought his
ink by the jug full, because he could
get it cheaper, but his wife went to
fill the inkstand one morning and
found it wasn't ink by jugfull.
A certain Western editor, who was
presented with box of collars in
pay for an advertisement, is waiting
in daily expectation that some one
will present him with a.shirt.
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by young person
who has burnt all her hair off her
forehead with hot slate pencil, and
cannot afford to buy a row of curls.
This conundrum is respectfully
submitted to the best speller: If ST
o-u-x spell su, and eye spells j, and
sighed spells side, why don't s-i-
o-n-x-e-y-e-s-i-g-h-ed spell suicide?
That was a shrewd method which
an Iowa girl recently adopted to in
duce all her friends to attend her
wedding. She didn't let them know
up to the last moment who the groom
was to be.
Emperor William has written to
descendent of Handel that new
quarter is to be added to the city of
Berlin, in which all the streets are to
be named after Germany's musical
celebrities.
A country editor cannot be as bold
and independent in his paper as his
city brother. He has to collect his
own subscription, and almost every
body in the country keeps a dog.
Ddnbury Neaos.
1t was an Irish Coroner who, when
asked how he accounted for an ex-
traordinary mortality in Limerick,
replied sadly: 81 cannot tell. There
are people dying this year that never
died before"
Take life easy, and don't always be
trying to beat the sun up, says an
exchange You may win for while,
but in the long run you are sure to
be beaten, and some morning it will
rise when you don't.
Augustus, DEAR" said she, ten
derry pushing him from her as the
moonlight flooded the bay-window
where they were standing, 81 think
You had better try some other hair
dye; your moustache tastes like tur-
pentine.'