Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-04-16
II U N OF.

Fl U N 0 f..
DURING class meeting, held by the
Methodist brethren of Southern village,
Brother Jones went among the colored
portion of the congregation. Finding
there man notorious for his endeavor to
serve God On the Sabbath and Satan the
rest of the week, he said: s'Well, Brother
Dick, I am glad to see you here Havn't
stole any turkeys since / saw you last,
Brother Dick?" mo, no, Brudder Jones
no turkeys" s'Nor any chickens, Brother
Dick?" "No, no, Brudder Jones; no
Chickens" s'Thank the Lord, Brother
Dick, that's doing well, my brother p said
Brother Jones, leaving Brother Dick, who
Immediately relieved his overburdened
conscience by saying to a near neighbor,
with an immense sigh of relief IF he
had said ducks, he'd had me -
'sDid you ever see that picture, grand
maj" asked a young lady, as they took a
view of the family portrait gallery. "See
it Why, it's a portrait of myself when |
was seventeen. Il thought you had forgot
ten it., or you wouldn't be always lectur-
ing us girls about modesty in Dress
Grandma looked over her spectacles and
declared the girls nowadays were very ip-
pertinent to their elders.
A railroad accident lately occurred, cars
ed by the axle of a tender giving away, de-
tanning the train several hours. A lady
inquired Of a gentlemen traveller why it
was so delayed. He gravely replied:
Madam, it was occasioned by what is Of
ten followed by serious consequences
the sudden break of a tender attach
ment.''
The other day, a baggage smasher was
singing the baggage out of the car, when
d ;, traveller picked up his valise with
one handle missing. He yelled out, "Why
didn't you take off both handles?'' 1.-THE
rule of this road is to leave one handle on
a trunk, y replied the baggage pitcher.
The New York Commercial Advertiser
notes the fact that Mrs. Sine,. Of New Jer-
sey, is living with her fourth husband, aud
says that s'the other three must have gone
off on tangent That may account for
the first and third, but not for the Sc
cant.
eff | was horse, now,'' unused big
boy. as he struggled up Griswold street,
Yesterday. SID be stabbed. rubbed down
and fed but I'm a boy. and I've got to go
home, clean off snow, bring in wo ID, tote
water, and rock that burned old baby fr
an hour or two"
A witty clergyman accosted by an az
quaintance by the name of Cobb, replied
II don't know you SIR MY name ;
Cobb reioined the man half seas ov'-r
s:Ah, sr.'' replied the clergyman, ''yn
have so much corn Oh yon that | dix! j.
see the Cob
4 party of Sioux Indians stole a pa' IT
ice cream freezer. surprising it to b* y
hand organ, and their big medicine mai'
turned the crank Il week before he wonIsl
confess his inability to get music ont ct
it.
Wait until you're big enough 70 git :;
aickin7. and then you u know what troulll..
is, said Il little girl to her baby ,'ther,
who was crying because lie couldn't have
the pepper box t. play with.
1t seems to run in the family. It is dis
covered that the veMerabie Lyman. father
of the venerable Henry Ward once kept
voting ladies' school near Cincinnati, and
also sat on the ragged edge.
When two young hearts that beat as one |
attend divine services in the evening, it is |
hashfulness that leads them to select a seat |
in the most obscure pew under the gale
nv.
Tracy asserts that Triton almost drove |
his mother-in-iaw crazy. We've always |
asserted that Tracy would blunder into |
some remark calculated to enhance Theo-
dore's popularity.
s.See," said sorrowing wife, "how.peace-
futile dog and cat are ''Yes,'' said tne |
petulant husband. ''but just tie them TO- !
~ether and see how the fur will f1y.'' |
A rude old fellow told Barnum that he |
had never exhibited anything that was not |
a bare faced huInbug. ''Yes | have" said |
Barhum- ,'The bearded lady WASH t bare
faced
All the axes and buck-saws foMnd in
the ruins of Pompeii, are of light make, as
if made for woman's use. Those old an
clients knew their little business.
!'As long asI've played old sledge,' said
J ohm Henry, this Jagger-DeKoven bust
ness is the first time I've known low to
oeat high square game"
=. A Maine woman was true to her lover,
and married him after he came back from
California, after an absence of twenty
wears. n. Bile came back rich. :.
What is the difference between farmer
and bottle Of whisky" One husbands
the corn and the other corns the hus-
bands.
Two things in this world that should
not be trifed with--a woman's opinions
and the business end Of a wasp.
Speaking of becoming attire, what thing
is most likely to become woman? Why a |
little girl, of course. |
Farmers like cold weather in it's proper |
season but an early frost in autumn goes
against their grain. |
The scale of good breeding-B natural.