National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1875-10-12
F1EER Pr1riSd TxTR1oRnTNIPV-

fOhEh fLANldO
Frederick Ernst and GoIleib Miller whiIed
away their time Saturday evening playing poker,
and during the game the former LEFT the room,
and in his absence Miller stole his oyercoat.
After hearing the evidence In the case His
Homer delivered the following opinion:
prisoner Miller, l have perused Minister
Sehencks Invaluable little book, and find nothing
your plea that you won the coat is true. IL is
permissible for man to raise his antagonist out
Of his boots, but there is no precedent justfying
his being raised out of his overcoat. shall hold
you to answer the misplay in $780,
DEPRIVED OF HIS VOTE.
ayes, SIR" said Peter Doolittle 81 was drunk.
but beg OF you not 10 send me down. The des.
tiny Of the nation may turn upon my being free
II banker for IN explanation" said the Judge,
ssrcasticslly.
"On Tuesday, sir. the great contest will be
My vote may be that one."
(which standard will you bear on that memor.
able dsy?" asked the Judge.
my vote, Judge, shall be for William All en-
"Teh dollars and ten days." said the Jud se,
adding in subdued whisper to the World re.
time" w o anu HAfu money every
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
"What have we here?" said the Judge, peering
through his spectacles at the name before him:
names are not unfamiliar. What has he been
doingf"
LAST night, Your Honor" said the precise Off.
Ger, 81 detected the prisoner in the act OF float
ing down the river, and was about to remove him
to the Morgue for q corpse, when he hIccoughed,
and made the arrest on o charge Of drunken
Your Honor, giving himself ali kinds Of oueei,
names. First of all he called himself Lew An
drews, then Lord Brin, then Paul Borden and
names in the Jersey city directory, where he
says he came from. Then he put ali the names
together, and was booked accordingly"
hat %
manded the Judge. severely.
"frederick Greehan."
"Then why did you attempt to deceive the off,
Ger with regard to your IDENTIFY Eugene informs
me that the first two names you mentioned are
those Of men who swan piece Of water known
among the ancient Lscedemonians as Hell's Pond,
while the other two were those Of men who swan
the a-the Erie canal, IL my ear caught Eugene g
remark correctly. While intoxicated last night
you sought to emulate the deeds and to appropri-
ate the names OF these illustrlous gentlemen. Let
your narrow escape from death be q warning to
you. You are discharged"
AN AsTRoNoMrR IN TROUBLE.
"Sher," said the next prisoner, who had not
yet fully regained control Of hts swollen tongue,
starsh an constellationsh an ~
"Yes, sir said the Judge sternly, "and instead
Of o knowledge Of that noble science exercising a
good fleet upon you, elevating you, in fact, above
state Of intOxication."
"We all have faultsh, Yer Honor.n pleaded the
scientist. "Adam was n apple shtealer; Solomon
had's little weakness; George Washington had's
little hatchet, and resilient dishcov'ries show that
even the shun has got spotsh. Amt spotlesh my
self, Judge"
ayes, "retorted His Honor; land to these sum-
spots traceable all the terrible occurrences of
this nineteenth century. The dreadful wars the
terrible tidalwayes, the terrific tornadoes, the
floods, third-termism, the Tribune building chol-
era infantum, all have their source in these spots
and If i could remove them from the face OF the
glorious orb which is the centre of our solar sys.
tenn, should at once do so. As 1t is, shall have
to content myself with knocking the spots out of
you. Eight dollars or eight days"