Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-07-21
Miscellaneous.
"A pair Of ,ights--two drnnl

miscellaneous.
| "A pair OF tights two drunk
ards.
| --Tilton is writing another book r.
sort of q companion To "Tempes
Tost.."
! The way for a desolate old bAche
lor TO secure better quarters is to tax,
= "better-half."
"A Lonisville idiot eat a gallon o
Ice cream on q wager. and nnfortu
nately survives.
France is making preparations t,
be well represented at tho Philadel
phia Centennial.
"How odd 1t is, +" said Pat, as h,
trudged along on foot, one hot sultry
day, "that man never meets car
going the same way he is! |"
In Baltimore any drummer for 1
Wholesale house who does not cal
himself "cOl0nel" or "major" isn't con.
sidered much of drummer.
With 100000 year, the very
poorest ciergy yman might struggle on.
ward toward Zion and not care much
how many years. it took him 10 reach
IL.
Western Reserve farmers feed
their cattle with carrots, and the edi-
tor OF the Cleveland Plaindealer dare
not show HE head to COW for fear o1
having 1t chawed of.
Tho skeleton of Filkins, the OK.
press robber who last year escaped
from Clinton IN. W State Prison,
was recently found in the main sewer
Of that institution.
-"Folks can't be too keerful nowA-
days what they let their children eat,
said an old lady ~ her eye fell upon
the heading ofa newspaper article
Little Emmaline's Diary."
A young lady in Utica, N. Y, has
become subject to iits simply because
aha saw the man of her choice walking
with another young lady. She is mol
fit subject for matrimony.
Tho Worcester (Mass.) Council OF
Sovereigns Of Industry have unani-
mously voted to disband. The action
was based Oh general dissatisfaction
with the workings of the order.
"A young man In California began
TO read . paragraph about q mine to
his sweetheart, commencing: "Yuba
mine" she Interrupted him
with: II don't care II do, John! !"
An old fellow near Madison. Wiz,
discovered that his daughter had been
wronged, and threatened to shoot the
fellow who did it. In two hours there
wasn't q man left within circuit OF
ten miles.
Lincoln Payne, Of Newburg, Ind,
persists In getting on the cars while
the train is in motion. Tho second
amputAtion OF the same leg, run over
on two different occasions, is the re-
suit.
"A little boy accosted . gentleman
ON the street In Portland the other
day with, sinister, can you fix things ?"
|TWsll, don't know; I can fix some
|things. Whist is # :" "Can You fix
My 0Oil1Ef HhoKO'S PSn sNieN<tng g Into
me, and our folks are so busy about
the centennial thoy can't do It,"
-"Angeline," said . Danbury wo-
man to her old maid sister who lived
with her, "Mrs. Holcomb feels pretty
pretty badly since the loss Of her child,
and l wish yon would drop over there
and see her. You might say that all
flesh is grass--that we've ali got to go
the same way ; and see II she is going
to use her dripping pan this afler-
noon"
A man in North Carolina who was
saved from conviction for horse steal
ing by the powerful plea OF his lawyer
after his acquittal by the jury, was
asked by tho lawyer: "Honor bright,
now Bill, yon did steal that horse,
didn't youp" "Now look a.here
Judge" was the reply, II alters did
think l stole that horse but since I
heard that ERE speech of yours to the
jury, I'll DO doggoned IL | ain't got my
doubts about IT,"
When Vassar College was built
and filled ct once by about 400 inhab-
itauts, none OF them could find one
closet In the whole immense building.
Matthew Vassar was astounded at be-
ing told that the girls wanted closets.
."Why," he said, they can have two
nails In the wall, one for their school
dress and Que for their best dress
and what do they want morel' But
In spite OF the unreasonableness of the
demand, the closets had to be built af-
ter all.
The amount Of beer which ia con-
sumsd In Munich 10 enormous. Every
other person that passes by ia the bear
or OF . huge earthen jug, containing
the liquor which cheers but does not
inebriAte. Beer flows like water. Men,
women and children sip the dark.
brown liquid, and mug after mug fol-
low each ether In rapid succession-
The usual average Of beer allotted to
each person per day is five quarts, and
s0me have been known to indulge In
eight.
"A Boston man was the victim Of q
singular coincidence, the other night.
While passing along the street, boy
exploded . common cracker just be-
hind him, while at the same instant q
rotten banana, thrown from . neigh
boring fruit store, struck him on the
back Of the head. He put his hand to
his head, fclt the soft Moist fruit. and
screamed, "My God, Pm shot; my
brains are blown out" then, bringing
bis hand around to his nose, he added,
"and Ill be d-d II they don't smell
like bananas, too"
Tho Federal authorities have de-
cidod that the handling or circulation,
In any manner, Of advertising circu-
lars gotten mp in any degree whatever
In imitation Of United States currency,
10 Z violation Of law, and lays the per-
son 90 issuing them liable to heavy
iine and imprisonment. Commission
or Whites ruling makes the manufac-
~ avSAh ~fs AhA v<vfu "a h1