Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1875-06-03
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

stances.
If you must sail young lady, do il
with smack .-Boston Post.
Man and wife, like verb and nomi-
native, should always agree.
WHY'S lady consoIing iealous
lover like poet? Because she is com
posing him.
MIR. Alvah Dodge, of Antrim, y. H
has calf four weeks old which has no
tail, sits on his hind legs, and jumps like
a rabbit.
"A mastodon skeleton weighing sos
pounds, the largest ever found, has been
sent to Yale College from Oisville. in
Orange County, N. Y, where it was dug
up two years ago.
When youth of ten has utilized the
old mans plug hat to tan rat-skins In it
requires iron nerve on the part of the
parent to stroke the ruined article gently
with his sleeve and murmur pleasantly:
" Boys will be boys"
"A French statistician claims to have
discovered that. given a hundred blonde
and hundred brunette women, more of
the latter than of the former will get
married. Young ladies will make note
ont and stop bleaching.
A manufacturing company at Meri-
den, Conn, has been annoyed so much
by injunctions and suits brought by
people who complained of the noise of
their drop-hammers, that they have de-
cided to leave the place and locate else
where.
The young man who, according to
floating paragraph, wished to be "a
friend to the friendless, father to the
fatherless and widow to the widow
less" has finally settled down as plain
drugstore clerk to the citrate of -magne-
sialess.
Salmon are running so numerously
in the Sacramento River at present, and
the fishermen have caught so many of
them, that they have become drug in
the market and are sold by the fisher
men on the fishing grounds tor from ff-
teen to thirty cents each, and in the city
at from forty to sixty cents.
"A young man stepped up to lovely
young lady on the steps of a church, and,
crooking his elbow, said: May / have
the understandable pleasure of accompa-
nying you to the paternal domicilef"
"Spell domicile," said she. He gave it
up, and she unhesitatingly gave him the
mitten.
The lighterman who removed the
arsenic-impregnated salt from the hold
of the steamer Niagara, at New York,
had a narrow escape from death, and has
sued the Captain of the vessel for dam
ages, the latter, as is alleged, having
represented that the white powder on
the sacks was nothing but pulyerized
salt.
-" Are you an Odd Fellow" "No,
sir; I've been married for week" II
mean, do you belong to the order of Odd
Fellows?" "No, no; ! belong to the
order of married men," mercy, how
dumb! Are you Mason?" "No, Pm
carpenter by trade" "Worse and
worse! Are you Son of Temperatures"
Bother you'll no; Pm son of Mr. John
Goslings."
"A fish having all the appearance of
shad, and supposed TO be the product
of the spawn deposit made by Seth
Green in 1872, just below the Falls of
st. Anthony, was caught not long ago In
funnel net. 1t has been sent to the
Smithsonian Institution for identified
ton. There was standing offer of
twenty-five dollars by the st. Paul Cham
Der of Commerce for the first shad caught
in the Mississippi.
Foreign nations now fully under
stand that our Custom-Houses will charge
no duty on the goods and bric-a-brac they
may send over to the Centennial Fair
They have at last concluded to look
upon Philadelphia next year as an ex-
cellent marketing hole, and are briskly
discussing the subject. Germany is
ahead, and France doesn't want to play
second fiddle There is the true kind of
rivalry, if they would only stick to it.
"A Paris sheet says there are 462 Ger
man journals published in the United
States, and all of them are in the secret
pay of Bis. Let it be hoped time will
come when he will be in their pay, and
then the world will run all the smoother.
In the meantime this tyrant, who salaries
the press with greasy hand, keeps up,
moreover, five organs in Australia and
one at the Cape of Good Hope for the
benefit of Africa and China-Csnctandts
Commercial.
In Paris they make two eggs out of
one by cutting the shell with glaciers
diamond and then siicing the egg quickly
with an oiled knife. The two halves are
deity dropped into boiling butter on the
plate, which fixes" them, making them
took like two, and for which the custom
cI-WlO udS ILL sCCu tuC
pays without suspicion Who couldn't
pay the Germans their indemnity and get
back to specie payments in three years
with such gains?
"A correspondent says "A man OF
much tact came to New York from
Maine and made handsome fortune
One day he came home out of sorts. He
was restless at night, awoke early in the
morning, and was evidently in trouble
His wife said: Husband, what is the
matter with your l am in trouble and
dare not tell you what the matter is"
Have you committed murder or some
great crime?' oh, no! no crime at all
am afraid / shall have to fall lie
that all? Why don't you fail, them 1t
can't hurt you to suspend payment when
no one pays you. We began with moth
ing and we can start again. When timee
are better you will make money and
then no one can prevent you from paying
your debts Do you feel like thats
Then / can take heart and begin anew
Even now he is on the fair way to sue
cess
Was it really glass slipper by
means of which the darling little Gin