The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-06-19
WIT AND WISDOM

The man Of the The type setter
Why is cOmpositor like a cripple "a
Because he can't get on without stick.
4 certain young lady is 50 modest that
she viii not permit the Christian ObSeFrtr
to remain in her room over night.
A fashion reporter says that ''ladies'
party dresses this season are flexible rs the
sinuosities of mornings mist, and yet
thoroughly proportioned to the curves Of
idiOsyncracies.
A man died somew here recently who was
principally known the first Fourth Of
July-orator. It's Of no consequence,
however. What We want to see is the
death Of the last Fourth-of-July-orator. --
! Rochester Democrat.
We see miniature baskets If chan. payne
IN the frul' stores with this placard, real
champagne, 80 dozen Why should
one pay so much for sham pain when a
three-cent green apple will produce real
pain
"Oh ! my friends, exclaimed temper
ance orator, that | had window IN my
heart, that You might all look in and see
the truth Of what tell YOU II Wouldn't
a pain in your stomach do Just as well -
asked small boy.
Frisco bootblack Sinner boots, sir =
James Lick testily)- Didn't tell you five
minutes ago that | didn' want my boots
blackened p Eyer did, mister but
didn't know but what yer'd make revoca-
ton p Exit bootblack
"What do | think Of the belle of the
evening ;" crustily said cynical I'd bach
elor why, | think that belle has too
much tongue. and that her smilc Is as ex-
presslonless as though il came from the
face Of a clock
While riding in stage coach from Kin
derho1k to Albany, New York. many years
since, John Van Buren,, who was smoking,
ssked stranger in the stage if smoking
was agreeable to him The stranger an
swered : Yes 1t is agreeable Smoke
away | have often thought il ever | was
rich enough | would hire some loafer to
smoke IN my face. Mr. Van Buren, threw
his cigar out Of the window
\ new anecdote If the rebellion is AS
| follows AT the close of the war. Gen
| Joe Johnston met in Baltimore a young
man who had enjoyed undlsturbed the So
clal delights OF that rebellious city aud whu
and to him, Well General. We are con
! quered, but not suhducd. Were you IN
the service, young man I asked the Gen
eral. NO sir, | had not that honor.
Then, my friend, said Johnston. You NAV
not be subdued, but am.
d" Are the young ladies Of the present
day TIT for wives II asked a lecturer Of his
audience. They are fit FIR husbands, -
responded female voice "but the
trouble is that you men are not tit Tor
wives. APPLAUSE
I'm bet a sheep, said an Old farn,r +.
to his wife, !" thar our boy z .kiel j going
crazy III Why, what on earth makes
you think So p exclaimed the alarmed
mother. - Cause he's grinning at the
cart, and grInning at the pump, and grim
nlng at the barn, and grinning at the oxen,
and grinning at everything" Fudge Y
said the experienced matrOn don't you
know he received a love-letter this morn
ing ~
iliAht1 CiiSdIAll vi TIC ItiEN- DDhI
crossing the Mississippi, recently, were an
Old couple from Louisiana, coming to visit
their friends in Nicksburg. The Old gen
tleman WAS walking around, despite his
wlre : predictions that something would
happen to him, and he suddenly found
himself in the river. She heard his veil
and caught sight If him, and leaning over
the rail shouted There, Samuel, didn't
! tell you so Now, then, work your
legs, flap your arms, hold your breath and
repeat the Lords Prayer. for it's mighty
onsartin, Samuel, whether you'll land IN
NIcksburg or eternity" He landed at the
former.
Dean Swift, while residing in a village
where he had q living. Vas frequently
shaved by barber. to whom he became
much attached. The barber one day told
Swift that he had taken a public house,
which he intended 70 carry on IN coniunc-
ton with his trade as barber. respectfully
requested the dean to write a line or two
to put ON his signboard. The dean took
up his pen and wrote this couplrt
" Rove not from pole TO pole bui step in mere,
Where naut ht excels the shaving but the beer"
was n lew
friends one summers eve at Fulham by All
extempore comic song, when in the middle
Of 1t the servant entered with, Please,
sir, here's Mr.. Winter, the tax gaiherer
he says he has called for taxes" Hook
would not he interrupted, but went On at
the piano forte, as # nothing had hap
peued, with the following stanza
" Here comes Nr. VII ter. collector 81 t-x,-:
I'd id iso YOU 10 pay him whatever he
Excuses woi I do, he stands sort 1T nummeTy
Thou Winter rs nsHe j.. his process l. summary
A coiored woman called al the police
court and wanted her husband arrested for
throwing her over fence. She stated
that the fence was seven feet high, and his
] onor knew that her husband was a small
man weighing not over 100 pounds, while
She weighs nearly 200.
II don't believe your story" he re-
piled
''It's de solemn trufe," she continued,
rolling up her eyes.
81 tell you your husband could not
have thrown you over a fence seven feet
high"
Couldn't he T.
mo. madam, it's an absurd story"
"Well, mehbe he couldn't" she said af-
ter moment, "but he will if he ever gifts
a chance, an want him put benin de
bars"