The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-04-10
BUDGET OF FUN.


hOur or I'VE DAYS ago u man hoou' IVY
wears of age, looking as il he had been
Drawn over dusty floor for an hour or two,
called upon one of the members OF the
Board OF Education and introduced himself
as William Cannon Harrison, OF Saginaw
County. He was politely received, ana he
commenced business promptly by saying
Pm a.lookins for Il situation as school
,eacber'
.Ah, hat replied the member, wondering
Why the man wasn't looking for woodplle'
i could have brought a pile of recommen-
datlons so high continued the old man.
measuring with his hands, but recommends
don't amount to nothing !,
And have you any school in view " asked
the member ;,
I want to get in here in Detroit, repliea
the man. What wages do you pay"
Pm afrald--' began the member, When
the schoolmaster interrupted
oh WELL s'pose you pay going wages,
and that's all I can ask for l don't want 10
put on STYLE and live high, rs I'm getting
leetIe old and ought to save money.
ASH was going to remark SAID the
member, when the schoomastcr suddenly In
CURED; ,,,
If they do, I'm the man you want to dress
the BOYS down. I've had EN- come for me
by the dozen, and i: would 40 your hearl
rood to see the way laid 'em. Why when
had that school in Bay county ] thou sht
nothing of licking thirty scholars a day, be-
sides hearing twelve classes recte! I'm an
IN old screamer, tell you, and there fun ih
me when you get me woke up'
Il hardly think commenced the mem
Der again, when the schoolmaster jumped up
and said:
OF course you won't take me unless pass
examination, but | hains afraid OF not pass
ing. I'd like to see the word l coulunl
spell For instance 'Catarrh:' C-a.tar-r-h
-catarrh. 'Dandelon: D-an.d e-l-i-on-
lGndeion or try me on words of four sylla-
bles. 'Lugubrious: Lu-gub r--ous-iugu
brious., Oh! | can knock the socks right
ofnn these swe!ihead teachers and not hall
ryn
Il should like to help you, put in the mem
Der but
oh! you needn't think I'm behind ON
geography INTERRUPTED the teacher For IN.
iance What is an Isthmus: An isthmus is
:. narrow strip of land connecting two larger
bodies Is the world round or fiat? Round
Why Is it round? Because it is. Which Is
the largest river in the world? The Amazon
Which is the highest mountain? The Andes
| might go en- for seventytivc days this way
and then not tell you half know"
graphy, but as | wanted to tell
And on grammar, toOn exclaimed the
teacher, jumping up again. What is noun?
4 noun IS the name OF any person, place or
thing. Give us an example: Man, dog, cat
coon, goat, Jack knife fish-hoOk, gate-post
What are the principal conjunctions? And
as, both, because for, if, that, or. neither
either and so forth, and so forth. OH I'm
right on the roof of the Westinghouse when
you sling grammar at me"
The member was getting desperate, and us
soon as he could get in word he said:
i will take your name, and as soon as "a
vaCancy---.
And | know arithmetic from cover to
cover exclaimed the man, standing up again.
I can 90 through the tables like lightning
through haystack, and when you get to
fractions and cuberoot Pm awful weigh
a ton and half and still growing 'Rithme-
tics my favorie study and I'll give you
fifty dollars TO ind . man who II saw sums in
two and plane 'em down as quickly as can
His speech took the wind out of him. and
the member managed to say there was no va
cancy at present, but he would take his name
and consider his case as soon as one occurred !;
I'D Nike ID commence right off, replied
the m an but I'm willing to wait. Here's
my name, and the mint get your letter III
come down aHylbE' Ii you get nae you II
solid oldcommon sense ana genuine education.
You won't see scholars playing hideand coop
around the wood-boX or marbles on the floor
no, you won't"
And he went down salrs,-Oei@ott Ere
Press,
Plain Explanations ofObscuie Proberbs.
The more the mcrricr,'
Mulitudnous aSsemblageS are the most
provocative Of Cachinratory hilarity.
Birds of feather fock together"
Habitants of ether, similarly plumed, gre
garously assemble.
"Out of the fryingpan INTO the fire"
Emergcece from tine culinary utensii into
the devoerng element.
Toe many cooks spoil the broth
4 superfiuity Of artists deterlorates the
mock turtle
"A stitch in time saves nine
4 connecting cotton link, properly eStab'