The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-07-30
An Ice-Cream Epicure.

An Ice Cream Epicure.
He slipped into the ice-cream saloon
very softly, and when the girl asked
him what he wanted, he replied:
Corn beef. fried potatoes, pickles
and mince pie"
This is not restaurant this is an
ice-cream parlor," she said.
Then why did you ask me what l
wanted for Why didn't you bring on
your ice cream ?"
She went after it, and as she returned
he continued
"You Soc, my dear girl, you must in
fer-you must reason. 1t isn't likely
that l would come into an ice-cream
parlor to buy grindstone, is it? You
didn't think I came here to ask if you
had any baIed hay, did you ?"
She looked at him in great surprise,
and he went on:
eff I owned hardware store and
you came in, would infer that you
came for something in my line. L
wouldn't step out and ask you if you
wanted to buy a mule, would l 2"
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring dish of cream
at the next table, and the stranger after
watching her a moment, called out:
"My dear woman, have you found
any hairs or buttons in your dish ?"
"Mercy Mol" she exclaimed, as
she wheeled around and dropped her
spoon.
Well, I'm glad of it'll" he con-
tinued. eff you find any just let me
know"
She looked at him for half a minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down
again, and then rose and left the room.
She must have said something to the
proprietor, for he came running in and
exclaimed:
"Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice
cream?"
"No, SIR"
| "YOu didn't?"
Ono, sir, 1 did not; 1 merely re-
| quested her, in case she found any such
ingredients, to inform me /"
"Well, sir, that was a mean trick"
"My dear SIR" said the stranger,
smiling softly, "did you expect me to
ask the woman if she had found a crow
bar or sledge- hammer in her cream
It is impossible, sir, for such articles to
be hidden away in such small dishes u
The proprietor went away growing,
and as the stranger quietly supped away
at mis- cream, two young ladies came in,
sat down near him, and ordered cream
and cakes. He waited until they had
eaten little, and then remarked
"Beg pardon, ladies, but do you OBJ
serve anything peculiar in the taste OF
this cream ?"
They tasted, smacked their lips and
were not certain.
"Does it taste to you as if a plug OF
tobacco had fallen into the freezer ?" he
asked.
"Ah kah!' they exclaimed, drop.
ping their spoons and trying .,to spit out
what they had eaten. Both rushed out,
and it wasn't long before the proprietor
rushed in.
"See here, what in bIazes are you
talking about ?" he demanded. "What
do you mean by plug tobacco in the
| freezer ?"
"My kind friend, I asked the ladies
if this cream tasted of plug tobacco.
| don't taste any such taste, and l don't
| believe you used bit of tobacco in it !!
"Well, you don't want to talk that
way around here" continued the pro.
prietor. my ice cream is pure, and
the man who says it isn't tells bold
lie."
He went away again, and woman
with long neck and sad face sat down
and said to the girl that she would take
a small dish of lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken
about two mouthfuls, when the stranger
inquired:
Excuse me, madam but do you
know how this cream was made-have
you an idea that they grated turnip and
| chalk with the cream ?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose
up, wheeled around, and made for the
door. The stranger followed after, and
by great good luck his coat-tails cleared
the door an instant too soon to be
struck by five pound box of figs.
hurled with great force by the indignant
| proprietor. As he reached the curb
stone he halted, looked at the door of
the parlor and soliloquized:
There are times when people should
infer, and there are times when thew
shouldn't. l suppose if l had asked
that woman if she thought they flashed
up sawmill in the cream she'd have
felt circular saw going down her
/ throat. "-DetrOft Free Press.