Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-02-24
Wi I and Hnmor.

A POOR RELATION "a carb-uncIe.
SOMETHING about whitewater.
THE Evening Post-Slle lamp post.
LIGHT wines may make. a heavy head.
A RARE fower-the pink Of polite
ness. ...N
THE key to al uncertain aiait-whis-
key.
COLLECTORS know when theft work is
dun. .a.. i. F
WHY did Freedom shrek? KOS
ciusko fell.
HANGING is brisk, but with falling
tendency. ys
SPAIN took little bourbon on New
Years day. ........
''SALLY, what time do your folks
dine 2" ''Soon as you go away that's
missus orders" ,.
A CALIFORNIA man pounded his wife,
was fined 800, and he sold her silk dress
to pay the fine. ''
The best preparation to keep ladys
head ''free from chaps" is report
that she has no money.
"MARRY widower not p said Matil-
da. "Babies are like tooth brushes.
everybody wants his own"
SIS this cheese rich % asked Bloggs
of his grocer. eyes was the candid re-
ply, 'there's millions in it.
II has been cold enough in Kansas to
freeze whisky, and some of the drunk
ards have become solid men.
THE American Journal published in
Paris by the dentists, is filled with good
extracts, all accomplished without pay
ing.
The Portland Press has discovered a
new ''model hotel clerk" in that city.
Show the gentleman up to-Barnum's
at once.
MICHIGAN men men don't feel as
though they had eloped if they don't
leave wife and four children in desti-
tute circumstances.
THE man who is kind and polite to his
mother-in-law has reached Vicksburg,
and is an object Of general curiosity 10
the people there.
Mr.. NAyLIE, of To, onto, was knock
ed down by mistake for another man,
recently. He hopes they'll hit the
right Maybe on the head, next time.
A CALIFORNIA preacher is preaching
on the best way to raise boys. We
have always found number il boot
about the most effective of anything for
raising them. s5a sat llsI
II is a melancholy fact that those who
declare war are never called upon to do
the fighting; if they were we suspect
there would be not the slightest amuse-
| M Of or
SOONER or later, justice certainly
overtakes the leader of the country
brass band. A bridge came along and
struck one on the head the other day,
as he stood on the top of an Erie
freight train. e. otss
AN advertisement for a dry-goods
clerk reads wanted, a young man r to
be partly outdoor and partly behind
the counter" It don't specify what
part OF the young man is to be out
door.
AN Indiana Sunday-school man
writes to Bible firm in New York
''Send me some Sunday-school papers
and books. Let the books be about
pirates and indians as far as possible
A YOUNG lady who went to the city to
see what was advertised as ''Spectacu-
lar Drama, came home greatly disap-
pointed. She says not one of the actors
wore spectacles. Herald.
A CIRCUIT preacher in Missouri pray
ed for rain one night at farmers
house, and the farmer, who had horse
race arranged for the next day, was Sc
mad that he turned the good man out
of doors.
"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother
Charles. What is honorable
mother" SIT means to give him the
largest piece 'sThen, mother, I'd
rather Charley should divide it,
IT looks bad to see dog preceding
his master down the street, and calmly
turn down the stairs to the first saloon
he approaches. It shows there is some
thing wrong, something lacking, de-
plorable tendency on the part Of the
dog.
A LAWYER once asked hotel-keeper
the following question ''If man gives
you hundred pounds to keep for him,
and dies. what do you do? Do you pray
for him 2" mo sir" replied the land
him."
DURING trial the Judge called wit
ness. No one answered, and elderly
man arose and solemnly said she is
gone. "Where is he gomez" asked the
Judge, in tender tone. 81 don't know,
but he is dead" was the guarded
answer.
ALBANY has had her noblemen. too:
it was Count Barii. Of course he was a
rogue in grain. By any other name he
did not smell as wheat, so when they
detected his imposition he acknowledge
ed the corn, and left to escape thrash
ing.-DetTot Tribune.
coLoRED preacher remarked:
"When God made the fust man He set
him asin de fence to dry" Who
made the fencel" interrupted an
eager listener ''Put dat man outr' ex-