The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-10-23
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

ME- 'I eur, hnt when he talked about stock
;n~s She mt in strong plea for the new strpe'
pattern.
pury,ories. robberies, shootings. &c, are mum
erous In Chicago; consequently wncn Doit
Iiohtninp struck tree in front OF Chicago al
derman's house, the other night, IN ms irigh
the alderman remarked; Hoid on III give VI
the money!"
Hadn't the alderman come by the money hon
estly?
The Minnea polls Tribune says that the lamp
lighter denies the insinuaton that he ID com
pelled to use chart OF the city to find the lamp
post when he turns out the gas He says NJ
knows their location SO well he can find then
inst as well in the dark as though they gave ey
er so much light
THE LAWYER IN THE EDITORS BED.
slept in an editors bed last night,
When no editor CHANGED to be nigh.
And thought, as tumbled the editors bed,
How easily editors lie!
-Exchdnge.
If the lawyer slept In the editors bed
When no lawyer CHANGED to be nigh,
And thought, as above he has nalvely said'
How easily editors lie,
He must then admit, as he lay on that bed
And slept 10 his hearts desire,
Vhat'er he NAV say OF the editors bed,
twas the lawyer himself was thelicr.
--New Orleans Butttfin.
Mr. Norton, a Texas editor, has whiskers three
feet long, and his wife has begged and begged
of him to cut them off and let her have them Tor
a mop.-Er.
Here the average wife on beng refused lit
tie favor like that, would take her husband by
the heels and make mop Of the entire man.
Times are so dull that Springfield thief has
been reduced to the hard and heavy necessity OF
stealing grindstone-Er.
That accounts for the whereabouts of our
lack knife. The fellow who stole it had to steal
the grindstonc to sharpen it.
II is time to save eggs for winter. Pack them
in salt with the little end down. Lay up all that
YOU kaOp are good for your own use. Take the
rest to market.-HW Co. Courier.
Now we can trace to its proper source the dis
honest tricks that of late have begun to creep in
among some Of the hitherto " honest farmers"
The philosopher of the Lowell Journal says pc.
tatoes are so cheap this year it makes one feel
mean to be caught eating one.
"She Is a perfect Amazon" said pupil in one
Of our schools of his teacher yesterday, to his
ter versed in geography than history, II noticed
she had an awful mouth."-Bridgeport Farmer,
Will the Ottawa Free Tradtr send its CORES.
pondent at this place stock ofinincral water
-Udrseilles Herald.
Our correspondent is perfectly healthy, we
thank you, and needs none, but II the Herald
man were to drink few gallons of mineral wa
ter it would cure him Of the yellow jandcrs
worms, blliousness, jealousy, the simples and
the few other diseases that now afilict him.
1t is we'll to be rich, but the Rochester Demo.
and things 1t is better 10 be SO on your own
money.
The Gilman Star gravely informs It's sporting
readers that DR.. Brooks horse is the fastest
mare In town.--Er.
While all mares are horses, horses are no
mares,-a distinction that should be preserved
Again. while all editors are not gentlemen, al
democratic editors are gentlemen, another dis
tinction with radical difference.
About these times the sentimental nader
wanders forth to gather her golden leaves. Al
she picks them up one by enc she soliloquizes
"0h? falling leaves. he that passeth by ma,
read lesson In your falling. You are typical o
human life. Your mission accomplished, the colo
hand of-wo-0-O that big dead caterpillar
wowchn'-Detroit Free Press.
This shows that bug-ology and poetic senti
ment do not run together
Don Pedro, OF Brazil, who is coming to visit us
owns the finest diamonds in the worid.-Er.
"Don Pedro " is well.known at Ottawa He ha
many acquaintance among the boys here, whom
he has frequently "set up" pretty numerously
Capt. Webb swan the English channel on onl
seven drinks Of hot whisky while lets Of Amerl
cans wouldn't wade creek without taking tina
number This shows the superiority Of the En-
lshman over the American,
She sent her husband downtown after some re'
dye-stuiI, and nc got cochneal, which WASH
what she wanted. She told him 80, and got mad
and, when she insisted upon his going again, h
got maddcr,-which was what she wanted vi III
first place.-Er.
There is no trouble in keeping full supply Q
home made colors in that house. He was gree
when he went for the dye.stuh. He cam bacl
and she blue him up, and well bet she did
tr0icn.
There have been few brighter things than thii
which appears in the Graphic: THE golde
rule--Do undo Others as they would undo yor
This is the whole law and Its profits
Four wild pigeons and seventy five men wit
guns passed North, Saturday afternoon.-Dd
tuyy News.
Longfellow slightly paraphrased to suit tn
times:
And the night shall be filed with burglars
And thieves that infest the day
Shall pack up their traps like pedlars
And carry The spoons away.
-Lockport Times.
Mrs. Gov Beyeridge arrived at the Peniter
;iary, from Chicago, on Thursday evening last
Joliet Republican
Let's sce-Whats her crime?
She took one Beverldge too many.
To the notices of births In 81. Louis newsp
pers are now appended the words: Come
meet his dad" to which should be added, -
he can find hm,'
II IL hadn't been for the pull style OF dre
a man In Iowa would have married won
with a wart on one of her knees.-Free Press.
Tally orc for the narrow gauge; but here