The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1875-11-26
VARIETIES.

"A Milwaukee editor has had returned
to him book borrowed twenty-seven wears
ago, ana begins to have hopes Of humanity
after all.
An Albanian, who lost hat on James
buchanan's election, paid the wager last
week. Inc returns must have come in yery
slowly IN Alabama.-Nol7iStOrn Herald
They have found IL petrified Mormon
IN utah, and from the number of dents in
the mead, evidently made with poker and
nat iron, it is judged that he had at least
thirty-tIree wives.
A milk man was awoke by wag in
the night with the announcement that his
best COW was choking. He forthwith
jumped up to save the life of his animal
when, 10 he found turnip stuck in the
mouth of the pump
"A Cincinnati corpse rose in its coffin
and quietly remarked II feel very queer y
Inc two young men who were sitting up
with 1t had important business down town
the next moment, and did not hesitate to
pass through the window to attend to if,
"A Norfolk farmer purchased revol-
YER Tor wife, and insisted on target prac-
tee, SO that she could defend her house
IN case of his absence. After the bullet
was dug out ofhis leg, and the COW burr
ed, he thought she'd better shoot with an
axe.
"A Youth who desired To wear the ma
trimonial yoke had not sufficient couroro
to pop the question. On informing his
father of the difficulty he labored under,
the OLD man replied quite passionately:
"Why, you BOBBY. how do you suppose
managed when got married 2"
"Oh, yes" said the promising lover,
you married mother, but I've got to mar
ry strange girl"
-"Arc you an Odd Fellow 2" "No, sir,
I've been married for week" II mean,
do you belong to the order of Odd Eel.
lows" mo, no; | belong to the order
of married men," Mercy, how dumb !
Are you Il Mason 2" "No I'm a carpenter
by trade "Worse and worse Are YOU
son of Temperance ?" Bother YOU !!
no; I'm son of Mr. John Goslings."
An oil dealer sold some winter oil
that was warranted to stand the severest
cold. Shortly afterward it froze stiff. The
purchaser went to the vendor with loud
complaints. II told you it would stand
the coolest weather." said he; 81 didn't
tell you it would run. You see that it
stands perfectly still, and you can't make
it bulge"
Two young ladies were conversing at
Saratoga, the other day, and one said that
her heart was really broken. Charles had
proved tickle.
WAS he rich ?" asked the other.
No" was the reply, "but lie was so
nice"
"Well, my dear" was the consolatory
response, "marry old G., who is after YOU,
and mend your heart with diamond ce-
mcnt."
"A minister who had been reproving
one of his elders for over indulgence OBJ.
served COW go dcwn to stream, take n
drink, and then turn away. "There," said
he to his offending elder, sis an example
for you the COW has quenched its thirst
and has retired" "Yes," replied the 9TH
er, "that is very true. But suppose anoth-
er COW had come to the other side of the
stream and had said. Here's to you,n
there's no saying how long they might
have. gone on"
Notwithstanding that an honest man
doesn't generally object to paying hotel
bill in advance, if the hotel is a good one,
the following conversation is reported to
have taken place at Chicago house: "You
will not object to paying before going to
your room, sir 7" Certainly NOT, make
out the bill" "For how long, sir 9n
"Well," says the stranger, "you may charge
me for about ten minutes on the European
plan. BY the end of that time think |
shall he at hotel where the clerks wear
smaller diamonds and have more conf
dence in human nature"
We have heard OF II very distressing
accident occurring in Jackson county, West
Virginia. 1t was "house raising.n AS
is customary ON such occasions chickens
had been killed by chopping of their heads.
Two little sons Of the owner of the house
to be raised saw the chickens thus guillo-
tined, and during the day concluded to
repeat the operation. 1t was Just at time
when the men were lifting heavy log into
its place. The father, who was holding
one end of the log, casting his eyes toward
the little fellows, one of whom had the axe
raised to sever the neck of his brother, let
60 of the log to save the boy, and it fell
killing six men, two instantly, the Others
living only few hours. The axe fell be
fore the father could reach the scene, sew.
ering the neck of the son. Thus were sew.
en- persons hurled into eternity in twink.