The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-07-08
THE sCHOoLIAsTER's GUESTS.
A Farm Legend.
By WILL

THE SCHOLARSHIPS GUESTS.
A Farm Legend.
By WILL
L
The district schoolmaster was sitting behind his
great book-laden desk,
Close-watching the motions Of scholars, pathetic
and gay and grotesque.
As whisper the half leaaes branches, when Autumn's
brisk breezes have come,
His little scrub-thicket of pupils sent upward a
half-smothered hum;
Like the frequent sharp bang Of a wagon, when
treading a forest path DER,
Resounded the feet Of bis pupils, whenever their
heels struck the floor.
There was little Tom Trims on the front seat,
whose face was withstanding a drouth,
And jolly Jack Gibbs just behind him, with a rainy
new moon for a mouth;
There were both of the smith boys, as studious as if
they bore names that could bloom,
And Jim Jones, a heaven-built mechanic, the slyest
young knave in the room,
With a countenance grave as a horses, and his
Queer-bent on a deeply-Iaid project to tunnel Joe
Hawkins skin.
There were anxious young ~novices, drilling their
speling-books into the brain,
Loud-pufiing each h~alf-whispered letter, like an
engine just starting its train;
There was one fercely muscular fellow, who scowled
at the sums on his slate,
And leered at the innocent figures a look Of I'M
s~peakable hate,
And set his white teeth close together, and gave his
thin lips a short twist,
As to say, 81 could whip you, confound you! could
such things be done with the fst!'
There were two knowing girls in the corner, each
In q whisper discussing the problem which one the
young master likes best
A class in the front, with their readers, were telling,
with difficult pains,
How persisted brave Marco BoZZarls while bleeding
at all of his veins;
And a boy on the floor to be punished, a statue of
idleness stood,
Making faces at an of the others, and enjoying the
scene all he could.
Around were the walls gray and dingy, which every
old school-sanctum hath,
With many a break on their surface, where grinned
a wood-grating of lath.
A patch of thick plaster, just over the school
masters rickety chair,
Seemed threat'ningly DER him suspended, like
Damocles'sword by a hair.
There we're tracks on the desks where the knife
blades had wandered in search of their prey F.;
Their tops were as duskily spattered as If they
drank ink every day.
The square stove it pulled and it cracked, and
broke out in red-haming sores,
Till the great iron quadruped trembled like q dog
fierce to rush out-o-doors,
White Enow-fakes looked in al the windows the gale
pressed its lips to the cracks;
And the childrens hot faces were streaming, the
while they were freezing their backs.
Now Marco Bozzaris had fallen, and all of his
s~uff'rings were DER,
And the class to their seats were retreating, when
footsteps were heard at the door;
And five of the good district fathers marched into
the room in q row,
And stood themselves up by the hot fire, and shook
off their white cloaks of snow;
And the spokesman, a grave squire of sixty, with
countenance solemnly sad,
Spoke thus, while the children all listened, with all
of the ears that they had:
"we've come here, schoolmaster, intendin' to cast
an ~inquirin' eye round,
Concernin' complaints that's been entered, an fault
that has lately been found;
To pace off the width of your doin's, an witness
what you've been about,
An see if it's paying to keep you, or whether we'd
best turn We out.
"The first thing Pm bid for to mention is, whent the
class gets up to read;
You give 'em too tight of q reinin', an touch EN- up
more than they need;
You're nicer than wise in the matter OF hold1n' the
book in one han,
An you turn a stray 9 in their doin's, an tack an
odd d on their an;
There amt no great good comes of speakin' the
words SO polite, as L see,
Providin' you know what the facts is, an tell EN- of
just as they be.
AM then there's that readin' in corncert, is censured
from first unto last;
1t kicks up a heap of a racket, when folks is a-trav-
elm past.
Whatever is done as to readin', p~rovidin' things go
to my say,
Shant hang on no new-fangled hinges, but SWING In
the old-fashioned way"
And the other four good district fathers gave quick
the consent that was due,
And nodded %obiquely, and muttered, Them ere is
my sentiments tetc."
"Then, as to your speIlin': I've heern tell, by them
as has looked into this,
That you turn theu out o. your labour, an make the
word shorter than Ills,
An clip the k off O. your musick, which makes my
son Ephraim perplexed,
An when he spells out as he oughtr, you pass the
word on to the next.
They say there's some new-grafted books here that
don't take them letters along;
But if it is SO, just depend ont, them new-grafted
books is made wrong.
You might just as well say that Jackson didn't know
all there was about war,
As 10 say that old Spellin'-book Webster didn't know
what them letters was for"
And the other four good district fathers gave quick
the consent that was due,
And scratched their heads slyly and softly, and said,
"Iheln's my sentiments ter."
"Then, also, your rithmetic doin's, as they are re
ported to me,
Is that you have left Tare an Tret out, an also the
old Rule of Three;
An likewise brought in a new study, some high
steppin' scholars to please,
With gaW-Ducks an crOSSeg an DOt-lOOES. an To- Is, z,
us, an Us.
We amt got no time for such foolin'; there amt nc
great good to be reached
By tiptoin' childr'n up higher than ever their fathers
was teached."
And the other four good district fathers gave quick
the consent that was due,
And cooked one eys-u up to-the ceiling, and said,
"Them,s1Ry sentiments telc."
"Another thing, I must here mention, comes into
the question to-day,
Concernin' some things in the grammar you're
teachin' our gals for to say.
My gals is as steady as clock-work, and never give
cause for much fear,
But they come home from school t'other evenin
a-talkin' such stuff as this here:
II Tore an Thou louest,' an He toUes,' an 8 Y
loue,' an You Lore an They
An'they answered my questions, It's grammar
twas all 1 could get 'em to say
Now if, stead of doin' your duty, you're carryin
matters on so
As to make the gals say that they love you, it's JUS
AL u 4 WALL " huOH -
Now Jim, the young heayen-built mechanic, in thu
dusk of the evening before,
Had well nigh unjointed the stove-pipe, to make i
come down on the floor;
And the squire bringing smartly his foot down, as
cliA(her to what he had said,
A joint of the pipe fell upon him and larruped hin
square on the head.
The SCOT few in clouds all about him, and blottet
with black all the place,
And the squire and the other four fathers vert
peppered with black in the face.
The school, ever sharp for amusement, laid down
all their cumbersome books,
And, spite of the teachers endeavors, laughed loud
at their visitors looks.
And the squire, as he stalked to the doorway, swort
oaths of a violet hue;
And the four district fathers, who followed, seemed
to say, "1hem's my sentiments tet0."
-HarperS Heekiy.
1922