Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1875-02-05
How Mr.. Bogardus Was Convinced.

THE other day man weighing near
200 pounds, who announced himself as
Mr.. Bogardus, of Front street, walBe ed
into the counting-room of this paper and
said he wanted TO see the man who had
slandered him. Being asked 10 explain,
he went on to say that he had read fire.
quent illusions in the Free Press to the
6 Bogardus Kicker" and that he could
kick the man who got up the "kiCker"
fabrications. Everybody was blowing at
him, and making sport of him, he said,
and he had decided not to stand it any
longer. He was directed to call again,
and yesterday he cameup-stairs. He had
several " Kicker" illusions cut from va
rious issues of the Free Press, and as he
laid them on table behind which sat
pale-faced young man Mr.. Bogardus re-
moved his necktie and collar and whis-
pered:
There's goin' to be gore in this 'ere
room"
"Do you intend to make personal
thing of this?" asked the pale-hced
scribe.
"tThem's my purposep' replied Mr.. Bo-
gardus, as he flung his hat into q corner.
| don't ride in a kelridge, and | don't
hold offs, but I'm goin' 10 take care of
my character. When putty headed re-
porter ISLANDERS me ii means funeral"
" But, my dear sir, no one has slander2d
you-these items refer TO another Bogar-
dus altogether"
"They do, heyp' he whispered, getting
out of his coat. 4F sa
"They certainly do. This Mr. Bogar-
dus lives in Louisville, and his Kicker
has found its way into almost every news
paper Office in this country"
Cant fool me-" be replied as he drew
his belt another notch tighter.
But see here. Here is the kicker it.
self. We ordered it over six months
ago, and it has been on duty ever since"
Don't fool with Numidian ljon'
warned Mr.. Bogardus as he stood in
his shirt sleeves. "What is the kicker
fOr?'
"This Bogardus who invented it," re-
piled the young man, "is a Louisville
editor. For the last fifty years every
newspaper office has been bored by set
of good -natured fellows who paw over
exchanges, want to get poetry published,
and at leng th feel themselves at nome in
every room. This Bogardus brought out
this kicker to get rid OF such persons"
Don't ie to mel" said Mr.. Bogardus,
menacingly.
"No, Sir, / am speaking the solemn
truth. We used TO have forty or fifty
bores around this office, but all have fed
Some were lightly kicked and took the
hint, while others were kicked to death
and the coroner called it case of hered-
itary consumption. The kicker is great
invention, sir, and you ought to feel
proud that your name is Bogardus."
"How does she work." asked the
stranger, looking at the machine.
"She kicks, sir-kicks like mule;
that's why they call it the Kicker
It's blasted lie!" roared Mr.. Bo-
gardus; " this ere thing is power
press
"Please sit down in that chair until l
show you," said the young man."
The stranger sat doan and steam was
turned on. He wore cynical look for
about half second, but when the kicker
fetched him two or three he shouted out:
"Lemme up-lemme gol''
" You are now satisfied that this thing
is all right, are YOUR asked the young
man.
I" Yes-thunder- gosh oh blazes-
stop 'er"
"And you are sorry that you came up
here and wanted to spill my gore?
Yes-oh-blast it--yes-stop yer OLD
machinei''
"And ever hereafter your conduct
toward new spaper men will be character
lied by balmiuess, liberality, charity and
respect?"
"Thunder-yes-stop er--oh!--let up
on meI'
"And as soon as released from the
tolls of the kicker you will resume your
raiment and at once ~
But he had tainted. He was taken
out, laid on the floor and four policemen
were sent for to carry him down stairs
and get him into a hospital Mr.. Bo-
gardus revived as they were loading him
on to wagon, but his talk was SO lnco-
herent that nothing could be made out
but:
"Stop er-grashus-my poor mother
lemme up.-DetqoSt Free Press.