Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-07-30
n,....a.,....

Slight of hand performance mot giving
show tickets to the printers.
What. the girls say: "A thing Of beau-
ty is boy forever.
Isn't it singular, but true, that straight
ened circumstances do not tend to make
man walk erect
A certain young lady is so modest that
she will not permit the Christjan Obserces
to remain in her room over night
A Frenchman intending to compliment
young lady by calling her gentle lamb,
said ''She is one mutton as is smallr'
If you want to teach dog arithmetic,
tie up one of his paws, and he will put
down three and carry one every time.
If "Rome was not made in day." the
inference is that it sprung up in the night,
and thus became mushroomy city.
Can you tell me when it is blacksmith
raises row in the alphabet? 1t Is when
he makes poke and shovel.
A man boasting of his pedigree to an
other said that his father was elevated
above the common herd of men. He was
hanged.
Why is newspaper like tooth brush?
Because every one should have one of his
own, and not be borrowing his neighbor's.
''That beet's all" as the man said as he
sat down to his first dinner in his new
house, on moving day, and found the sup
ply short.
1n1x ,x~y1,o ~n1 l. 14~y 8 l.. IL
like to see the lambs feed, was surprised
to hear him say he had rather see her eye
brows(e).
There was once a legislator who laid by
10000 in one season. When he was
asked how he managed this with salary
of 81 600, he said that he saved it by do.
ing without a hired girl
"Kill him! kill himr' shouted crowd
in Virginia City as they gathered around
hotel. "What for?" inquired a stranger
'He's got on alligator boots and velvet
coat. Mash'im.
"Well, my boy" asked gentleman of
little eight-year-old boy. "What are
you crying for?" ''Cause I can't find
my dad. told the old fool if he went
| Oi wv A"i HC u iosc uhc, was tnC uAni
reply.
We see miniature baskets of champagne
in the fruit stores with this placard, "real
champagne, SO dozen" Why should
one pay so much for sham pain when
threecent green apple -. produce real
pain?
A man died somewhere recently who
was principally known as the first Fourth
of-July orator. It's of no consequence
however. What we want to see is the
death of the last Fourth-of-July Orator.
Rochester Democrat.
A Cleveland woman recently married
Chinese laundryman, and three days there
after the unhappy Celestial appeared at
BARRIERS shop and ordered his plgtail cut
off, saying in explanation, "Too muchee
dam yank."
'Oh! my friends" exclaimed temper
ance orator. "That had window in my
heart, that you might all look in and see
the truth of what tell your "Wouldnt
pain in your stomach do just as well?"
asked small boy.
The bottom has not dropped out of
every thing We are sure of it, for we
recently sat down on a wood bottom chair
on which a tack was standing on its head
We Immediately arose with renewed con-
fdence in our agility y.-B0ston .News.
A Covington man died, and they put
him on ice, but he awoke in the night and
yelled out: "Why don't you put some
more wood in that stove.
Athletic sports for ladies: jumping at
conclusions; walking round q subject.
running through a novel; skipping full
| descriptions; throwing the hatchet; and,
during the holidays, boxing the ears of
troublesome young brothers Punch.
Mrs Rose, of Connecticut, said she
would hang herself it Rose wasn't home
at 8 o'clock. When he came in at night
she was suspended to beam, cold and
dead and he rubbed his hands and whls-
pered: "There's woman who couldn't
tell lie'
1--WE read in de good book, says col
ored brother down South, ''of John de
Baptist, but nebber of John de Methodist"
And that, says Charleston correspondent
of the New York Observer, is the reason
most of the colored Southern people are
Baptists.
A newsboy, seated on the post Office
steps, counted his pennies over and re-
marked: Seventeen cents in all. That's
five for the circus, three for peanuts, four
for sinking fund, four owe to Jack,
and there's one left to support widowed
mother on until Saturday night"
"You wiring my BOSOM" said des-
pairing Baltimore lover to a coquettlsh
girl whom he had long sought in marriage.
His burst of grief decided her, and, put
ting out her hand, softly murmured:
"Well! ring my finger, if you will be hap
pier for it, will vex you no longer"
"It's well enough for you to name your
boy Elias" said Aunt Hepzibah, ebut for
gracious goodness sake don't name him
Alias, 'caus the Aliases are alway. ~ cuss
tin up bad. Here's Alias Jones, Alias
Brown, Alias Thompson, Alias One-Eyed
Jack, all been took up for robbin' and
stealin'."
1t was 12 o'clock at night when Mr..
Berger, of Macon, Ga, discovered q col
ored preacher in his stable untying horse
and the preacher only observed -.'Jess
what said all de time, Mistah Berger,
your horse is bay sure enuff, and dat
spute between me an brudder jackson Is
settled"
A Broad Street, Newark, physician was
called upon last week to attend seam
stress who felt indispoeed. He inquired
as to her health and she responded, very
appropriately, "Well, it's about SEQ, se,e,
Doctor, but ssams worse to-day, and
have frequent stite1es in the side" The
doctor hemnaed as he felt her pulse, and
said she would mend soon, and left pre-
scription.
While riding in stage coach from
Undertook to Albany, New York, many
years ago, John Van Buren, who was
smoking, asked a stranger in the coach il II
smoking was agreeable to him. The
stranger answered: Eyes, it is agreeable.
Smoke away have often thought if
ever was rich enough would hire some
loafer to smoke in my face" Mr.. Van
Buren, threw his cigar out Of the window.
Sunday was dellclous day. 1t was
natures grand overture. The sunshine
was balmy and brilliant. the air was as
gentle as an angels touch, and the birds
melody thrilled earth and Heaven. Man