The Rutland daily globe. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1873-1877, 1875-04-06
Humorous.

When tornado sweeps over a South
ern town, have you ever noticed how many
colonies are invariably singled out by the
flying bricks?
81 dreamed was spelling at spelling
match and never missed a werd." is what
young ladies say now when they recover
from the effects of ether.
a witty pastor once remarked that there
was Just as much family government now
as ever; but formerly parents governed
children, now children govern parents.
In Alabama mustard is only three cents
pound, and yet burglar worked all night
in store in Selma, and all he got was
four-pound can of ground mustard.
After relating snake story, the Owens
borough (ky.) Examiner adds, "Were our
informant not man of truth and strictly
temperate habits, we should be more than
halfinclined to suspicion that his little snake
story was erected on the ruins of q pint of
Cincinnati whskey.
For genuine photographed gem com.
mend us to that pcrpetrated by cores
pondent of an acquaintance, who recently
wrote that he wanted to hear from him "a
keshanly." Even Josh Billings must pale
his Intellectual fires" before a spell like
that.
The newest machine for grinding music
| from door to door has received the name
of the Mtraileuse Pianoforte, its concord
of sweet sounds being equal to forty dis
charges of grape shot, and its effect almost
as deadly.
A Nevada woman recently knocked down
seven burglars one after another. Her
husband watched her from the top of the
stairs, and felt so brimful of battle that he
couldn't cool off until he had jerked his
eight-year-od boy out of bed and "whaled'
him soundly for not getting up and helping
his mother
| Many anecdotes are told of Sheridan, il
Illustrative OF lis wit and extravaganza.
good saying is attributed to his son Tom
who on being told by his father that he had
made his will and cut him off with a shil
ling, said he was veiy sorry, and imme-
diately added, "you don't happen to have
the shilling about you now, sir, do you?"
Then there was Sheridan's answer to Lord
Lauderdale, on the latter saying that he
would repeat some joke that the former had
told him, pray don't, my dear Lauderdale;
joke in your mouth is no laughing mat
ter" One of his practical jokes was tax
ing Dowton's gig to come to town, while
Dowton, with all the patience and sturdi-
ness of dun, was waiting in the parlor to
see him. To show his carelessness in money
matters it is related that the
butler once found the window frames stuff
ed with papers to keep them from rafting,
and, on taking them out saw they were
bank notes, which Sheridan had used for
this purpose some stormy night and never
missed them.
A gentleman in search of information as
to the habits of the ostrich at the Philadel-
| pha geological Garden, received the fol.
lowing from the boy in charge: THAT an
imal busted loose night afore last and raised
hail Columbia; went a-scootin' around that
garden behavin' scandleus. Nobody know
ed it was loose until mornin', and then it
had played hob with things. 1t ct all the
door knobs off the monkey house and the
restaurant, and then swallowed six croquet
balls that was piled up by the pump, One
of the keepers found an ole hoop skirt du-
rim the day and hung it again the wall.
The cassowary must have ct that too, and
then it broke into a cage and put away two
horned owls and cockatoo, l b'lieve they
call it; one of them birds like parrots, any
way. And then it went boomin' around
tastn' almost everything, and il got away
with two trace chains on one of the Wagons
aud half keg of nails that was settin' on
the porch. never knowed them birds had
such appetites."