The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1875-03-04
" The Late Deceased"

His full name was Hebdon Wright
Turner, but everybody called him
Heb" He must have passed his six.
tleth birthday, but no one cared to Loo k
second time to see if he was growing
old and wearing out. He chored around
livery stables and saloons, always hungry
and always ragged, and while no one was
his friend he had no enemies.
The other day he fell down in a faint
in saloon on the river road, and when
he was restored to consciousness he
startled the three or four men who had
placed him on the bed by exclaiming:
"Boys, I'll he blamed if hain't going
to dep
No one had ever stopped to think
whether Uncle Heb was ever going to
die. 1t was the general impression
among his acquaintance that he would
live along for 300 or 400 years.
"How do you feel?" they asked.
Kinder trembly and weak" he re-
piled. "I'll bet fifty cents III kick the
bucket afore noon"
They offered to bring a doctor, but he
said:
mo, don't take any trouble; tend
right to business as usual, and when I
kick the beam plant me quietly and with
out any style!
The men imagined that it was mere
weakness which would soon pass of,
and one of them sat down near him while
the Others retired to 20 about their bust
ness.
"lt's tough weather for funeral!" re.
marked Uncle Heb, as the fierce wind
howled around the house. ut don't
make any difference how Pm carried up;
I wouldn't know it if there were sixteen
hacks and brass hand; just as lief go
up alone with the driver!'
After pause he smiled blandly and
inquired
they'll speak of me Us the late de-
ceased won't they? Yes, of course. 1
should like to read the papers tomorrow
and see what they say OF me, but 1won't
he here, you knew"
"Have you any property to dispose
off," asked the watcher.
Lemme see" unused Uncle Heb.
Yes, thar's an extra pair of butes, and
a hat, and about seventeen cents in mon.
to have executors 'pinted, but, as said
before, I don't want any fooling around.
You can divide up the estate between
you"
The old man was very pale, and he
seemed to be suffering, and the watcher
was anxious to do something
-" tell you" replied Uncle Heb, "1'd
like some brandy. If it wasn't just as
It is wouldn't put you to any trouble,
but being I'm going away to stay I'd
like a few swallers of real peach
brandy-some of that in the fancy de-
canter."
Some was brought him, and he smacked
his lips, smiled and remarked:
"1f wasn't going TO die I'd try and
lay in a quart or two of that brandt"
After five or ten minutes more the
nurse asked him if he didn't feel better,
Feel better!" echoed the old man.
"low can dying man feel better? Do
you suppose I'd lie fooling around here if
| WANT going to expire?"
The man sat down and Uncle Heb con-
tinued:
las soon as 60 up the spout one of
you 60 to the Poormaster and say: Mr..
Willard, old Heb is dead; send teller
down and plant him. That will be as
good as a speech two hours long. I'm
sorry was took sick here, but it wasn't
my fault. You may 60 now"
j The man went out, thinking Uncle Heb
Iout of his mind, and sat down and
played dominoes for an hour. Hearing
no movement in the back room he opened
the door.
The old man was dead!
He had died without cry or strug-
gle, and there was smile on his face, as
if his dying moments had been spent in
wondering how he would look as !" a late
deccased.'-Detroit Free Press.