The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-27
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

Snoring is now politely described as in
dulging in sheet music.-Eastoa Free
| Press.
eyes, sir; but Iknow Of two more collec-
tors who are coming for you tomorrow, and
I thought I'd get in ahead"
The man could offer no further objected.
Detroit Free Press.
| Sioux City has had an astounding num-
ber of births this year. In fact the doctors
have been SO busy in this line of business
that only four deaths have occurred since
April. -Miltcaukee Sentinel.
A Summer street young man and fas-
cinating widow with whom he is ON terms
of intimacy, are both eating birthstone.
It is said that in time they hope to make a
match.-Dan6ury Neaos.
| An Indiana man has invented a patent
hymn-book holder, but what is more need
ed is patent Bible holder. Some persons
have never learned to hold Q Bible-and
never will .-Norrsstows Herald.
A woman down at Martins Ferry, Ohio
keeps barrel behind the house for her hus-
band to sleep in when he comes home and
finds the doors locked, and that man would
lay down his life for her,-Detroit Free
Press.
The West is the place When Mr.. Haw-
kins started for Kansas, four years ago, he
hadn't cent in his pocket, save enough to
pay his fare, and that he borrowed. He has
not only not returned the borrowed money,
but wrote last week for a further loan of
$25 to pay his fare home.-NorrSstoon Her.
aid. ..
There is not much excitement about rap
id transit down east but "a passenger got
off the train the other day to pick blaokber-
ries, and had to run nearly mile before he
caught up with it again. He says he be-
lieves the engineer saw him get off, and
tried to run away from him.-Norristoaon
Herald.
When one of the members of the band
got on his uniform ready for the parade,
Wednesday, his wife asked him to put up
the clothes line. She was an ignorant
woman and didn't know any better but
when he tainted dead away she saw what
she had done, and sought his pardon in an
agony of remorse.. He is thinking favora-
bly, of her penitence. Nesos.
Some people are too trusting for this world.
At recent trial the prisoner entered a plea
of " not guilty." when one of the jurymen
put on his hat and started for the door.
The judge called him back and informed
him that he could't leave until that case
was tried "Tried ?" aueried the juror,
"why he acknowledges that he is not
guilty r'-Milaoaukee Sentinel.
Judge Nelson, in his speech at Saratoga,
the othey day, advised young men not to
make proposals of marriage by telegraph.
This plan must be getting quite common,
or his Honor would not have alluded to it.
We suppose the reason why young people
at Saratoga sit so close together is, that
benches are non-conductors.- Brooklyn
Argus.
A Texas man bought ten cents worth
plug tobacco, and IN paying for it pulled
out roll of 800 bills. A man who saw
him followed him home and murdered him
for his money. That's jnst what we always
said would happen, when folks asked why
we didn't haul out 800 bills. To avoid any
such result, we have always told the tobac-
co man to mark in down en- slate.-Mtt-
aoaetkee Sentinel
On his return from Oshkosh, one of the
indicted gaugers called on the young lady
who had promised to make him happy, and
after the usual greetings she noted his
gloomy appearance. Been indicted" he
explained. Anything serious?" she ask
ed. Probably send me to the peniten-
tiary," was his broken-hearted answer. She
threw herself in his arms and wept. Present
ly she raised her tear-flled eyes to his and
said, Well, if you do 60, whittle some
thing for me, won't you ?''-Milaooukes
Sentinel.
Gosh p
1t was a simple word, but it rang out SO
sharp and clear in the twilight of Monday
evening as to startle people. 1t came with
all the stunning suddenness of an explosion,
and ascended with the glare of a rocket
1t vibrated the air like an electric shock.
It pierced to the very dome Of heaven.
| Men stood still and wondered: animals
pricked up their ears and started in its di-
rection, and the very birds ceased to twitter.
1t came and went with such appalling force
and suddenness, and was succeeded by so
| great hush, that every nerve in its vicinity
was thrilled and every drop Of blood leaped
| impetuously forward.
Tt was such wonderful gosh, such
| voluminous and comprensive gosh. 1t
fairly sparkled with sentiment, and bristled
with feeling. Not more than once in life
time is such gosh heard in Danbury.
It came from man on the depot plat
form. Some one had dropped the end OF
trunk on his foot.-DaBbIry Neacs.
| A Legal Wag.
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