Arizona weekly miner., 1875-11-12
Cousin Sally billiard
BY H. H. JoSEs-I

It has been many years since Cousin Sally billiard went the rounds of the papers, and our younger readers may not have had the pleasure of her acquaintance, therefore wt introduce her again:
 ScrxE-A Court of Justice in North Caro lima.
 A beariless disciple of Themis arises and thus addresses the court: May it please your worship, and you, gentlemen of the jury, since it has been my fortune. good or bad will not say, to exercise myself Tn legal disouisitions, it has never before befallen me to be obliged to present so direful, marked, and malicious an assault. A more direful, willful, dangerous battery, and finally, a more diabolical breach of the peace 1t has seldom been your duty to pass upon, one so shocking to benevolent feelings, as that which took place over at Captain Rce's ia this county. But you will hear from the witnesses.n
 The witnesses being sworn, two or three were examined, and depose: One said that he had heard the noise and did not see the fight; another that he saw the row, but didn't know who struck first, and third, that he was very drunk, and couldn't say much about the scrimmage.
  men, to have occupied your time with the stupidity of the witnesses examined. Had known, as now do, that had witness in attendance who was we'll acquainted with sM of the circumstances of the case, and able 10 make himself clearly understood by the court and jury. should not so long have trespassed on your time and patience. Come forward Mir. Harris, and be sworn
 So, forward came the witness, fat, chub- by looking man, Ia leetle corned" and took his corporial oath with an air.
 Chops-Harris, we wish you to tell about the riot that happaned the other day st Cap tain Rice's; as good deal of time has al ready been wasted in circumlocution, we wish to be compendious, and at the same time as explicit as possible.
 Harris-Exactly- the lawyer 6 knowing wink, and at the same time clear ing his throat-Capt. Rice, he gin treat, and Cousin Sally billiard, she came over to our house and axed me if my wife she mount 20. told Cousin Sally billiard that my wife WAS poorly, being as how she had touch of the rheumatics in the hip, and the big swamp WAS in the road, and the big swamp was up, for there had been a heap of rain lately, but howsomever, ss 1t was she, Cousin Sally billiard my wifei she thought go- Cousin Sally billiard then asked me if Nose be mount go, I told Cousin Sally billiard, Nose he was the foreman of the crap, and the crap was smartly in the grass but howsomever, as it was she, Cousin Sally billiard Nose he mout go.
 Chops-In the name of common sense, Mr. Harris, what do you mean by this rig marble? Do say what you know about the riot
 Witness-Captain Rice, he gin . treat, and Cousin Sally billiard she came over to our house an axed me if my wife she mount 70. told couisin Sally Dillard-
 Chops-Stop, sir. if you please; we don't want to hear anything about cousin Sally Dillard and your wife-tell us about the fight at Rice's.
 Witnsss-well, I will sir, if you will le. me.
 Chops-well sir, go on. -WiknessAWell, Captain Rice he gin . treat, and cousin Sally Dillard she came over >e our he.>e and sred me if my wife she mount ge--
 Chops-Therc it is again. Witness, wit ness please to stop.
 Witness-Well, sir, what do you want
 Chops-We want to know about the fight, and you must not proceed in this imperts nent story. Do you know anything about the matter before the Court2
 Witness-To be sure do.
 Chops-Well, gs on and tell it-and noth ing else.
 witness-well, then, Captain Rice he gin . treat-
 Chops-This is most intolerable. May it please the court, move that this witness be committed for contempt. He seems to be triffiing with this court.
 Court-Witness, you are now before a court of justice, and unless you behave your self in more becoming manner, you will be sent to jail, SO begin and tell what you know about the fight at Capt. Rice's.
 Witness Talarmed l-Well, gentlemen, Capt. Rice he gin a treat, and Cousin Sally
 Chops-I hope the witness may be order cd into custody.
 Coust Eafter seliberatingl-Mr. Attorney, tho court is of the opinion that we may save tine hy telling the witness to go on his own way. Proceed, Mir. Harris, with your story, but stick to she point
 witnea-Yes gentlemen. We'll, Captain H;ce hs sln . treat, and Cousin Sally billiard sAe cone over e our house and axed me if uy wife moughten't go. Itold Cousin Sally tiat ny wife che was poorly, being as how ~ hsd the rAeumatics in the hip, and the hie sw,mp wss up: but howsomever, as 1t