The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-07-20
The Model Summer Hotel.
TUE sUTTEM HoUsE-srR1vE Il SWEET. PRO.
PRIEToRs, sAPoNAcEoUs SPRINGS, Ny,

TUE sUITEM HoUsE-sTRIvE Il SWEET, PRO.
PRIEToRs, sAPoNAcEoUs SPRINGS, N. Y.
This hotel has been built and arranged
for the special comfort and convenience
of summer bonrders. On arrival, each
guest will be asked how he likes the sit.
uation, and if he says the hotel ought to
have been placed upon the knoll, or far.
ther down toward the village, the location
OF the house will be Immediately chang.
ed. Corner front rooms, up only one
flight, for every guest. Baths, gas, water.
closet, hot aud cold water, laundry tee.
graph, restaurant, fire. alarm. bar.rooin,
daily paper, coupe, sewing machine, grand
piano, clergyman, and all other modern
conveuiences in every room Meals every
minute if desired, and consequently no
second table. Euglish, French, and Ger.
man dictionaries furnished to every guest
to make up such bill of fare as he may
desire, without regard to the bill affair
afterward in the Office. Walters of every
nationality and color desired. Every
waiter furnished with a libretto, button
hole bouquet, full.dress suits, ball tablets.
and his hair parted in the middle. Every
guest will have the best seat in the d..
ninghall and the best waiter in the house.
Any guest not getting his breakfast red
hot, or experiencing delay Of sixteen sec
onds after giving his order for dinner,
will please mention the fact to the office,
and the cook and the walters will be
thrown from the mouths of cannon, in
front Of the hotel, at once. Children
will be welcomed with delight, and re.
questcd to bring hoop-stcks and hawk.
eyes to bang the carved rosewood furni.
ture especially provided for that purpose,
and peg-tops to spin on the velvet carpet ;
and they will be allowed to bang on the
piano at all hours, yell in the halls, slide
down the banisters, fall down stairs, carry
away dessert enough for small family in
their pockets at dinner. and make them.
selves as disagreeable as the fondest
mother can desire.
Washing allowed in rooms, and ladies'
giving an order put me on a hat.iron." :"
will be put on one at any hour of the day
or night. A discreet waiter, who belongs
to the Masons, Odd Fellows, and Knights
OF Pythias, and who was never known to
tell time Of day, has been employed to
carry milk punches and hot toddies to
ladies' rooms in the evening
Every lady will be considered the belle
OF the house, and ow-boys will answer
the belle promptly. Should any row.
boy fail to appear at a guests door with
n pitcher OF ice.water, more towels. n gin
cock. stall, and pen. ink and paper, before
the guests hand has left the bele.kuob,
he will be branded Front on the fore
head and imprisoned for life.
The office clerk has been carefully Sc.
lected to please everybody, and can lead
in prayerplay draw poker, match worsted
at the village store, shake for drinks at
any hour, day or night, play billiards, a
good waltzer, and can dance the German,
make fourth at euchre, amuse children,
repeat the Beecher trial from memory, is
a good judge of horses. as a railway and
steamboat reference is far superior to Ap.
rlat"ns' ~ o-y body alsn's nnha will
lilrt with any young lady, and not mind
being cut dead when pa comes down !"
don't mind being damned any more than
a Connecticut river, can room forty peo-
pie in the best room in the house when
the hotel is full, attend to the annuncia.
tor, and answer questions in Greek, He.
brew, Choctaw, Irish, or any other po.
lite language at the same moment with
out turning o hair.
Dogs allowed in any room in The house,
including the w(h)ine room. Gentlemen
can drink, smoke, swear, chew, gamble,
stare at new arrivals, and indulge in any
otner innocent amusement common to
watering.places, in any part OF the hotel.
The landlord will always be happy to
hear that some other hotel is ''the best
house in the country Special attention
given to parties who can give informa.
tion as to chow these things are done in
Yewrup.' The proprietor will take it
as personal affront if any guest on Ieav.
ing should fail to dispute his bill, tell
him that he is swindler, his house
bara, his table wretched, his wines vile,
and that he, the guest, was never so i'm.
posed upon in his life, will never stop
there again, and means to warn his
friends.