The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-06-24
Doing Up the Centennial

It is we'll known that there were great
many newspaper reporters at Charlotte, most
of whom did their level best in the way of re-
ports, but the honor of the best report-the
most graphic report the most gelorious and
hifalutin report-belongs to correspondent of
the Wadesboro IN. C.) Argus, who signs him
self "Saints' Rest" Charlotte should vote him
q long life and q monument of brass at the
expiration of it. We copy few paragraphs
only:
"On Thursday morning, May 20, at sunrise,
one hundred cannon shook the terrestrial green
for miles around in commemoratlon OF the
signers of the Mecklenburg Declaration OF
American Independence, whose names dried
upon that parchment one hundred years ago.
At a. m. all the towns and cities in the State,
and half of all the others beyond, were repre-
sented either in men, women, Masonic Lodges,
Templars, Knights Of Pythias, Knights of Cy-
rus, night meetings, Rangers and Grangers,
hook aud ladder companies, railroad mills and
bladder companies, press and dress parade
companies, fire and fall back, fox fire, and fire
companies, brass bands, bugles, drums, tin
pans and jaw bones ad in.fnituna, world with
out end. When this mighty combination of
categorical cadence broke loose upon the ears
of creation it is said that, from the best astro-
nomical knowledge obtained, the birds Of the
air for two miles high couldn't begin to hear
their ears, and that the little fishes within a
circumference of three miles thrust their heads
so deep in the mud that their oar of gravity
will never turn the life boat to see again.
Hence they perish.
"On my way up to "see the sights I over
heard fellow from the river country say that
Charlotte with its centennial reminded him of
the Yank who drew by lottery an elephant
and did not know what to do with him. But
if a man left that city unsatiated and undrunk,
it was because his "bread basket" from being
used as a liquid measure, was too weak to hold
it down.
"Should be present at the next Centennial
at Charlotte, want the orators of the day to
leave their manuscripts at home as did the
orators of the night, for Gov. Vance, the pet of
everybody's BOSOM and the best rough-and-
tumble orator in or out of the State, Cows.
Hendricks, Walker, Brogden, Chamberlain,
Gen. Clingman, etc., had no more use for
written speech at night than Grassy Island
terraphin has for an umbrella Why? Be-
cause those orators had waded waist-deep in
wine and other liquids throughout the day,
and therefore had no use for such inger-board,
shovel-and-spade references at night. -,
'I ate supper with Col. w. R. NJ, and while
performing tnaC nappy mlSSlon WAS Askeu Cnls
simple question: Suppose that John McNitt
Alexander & Co. were to now resurrect, lind
the city of Charlotte crowded with steam en-
gines, telegraphic wires, and illuminations,
what would they do? While searching the
bureau of reason for an answer, Mrs. Jones
(we'll call her by way of illustration( replied:
John McNitt Alexander & Co. would convert
the steam engines into ash-hoppers, the tele-
graphic wires into plantation fences and blow
out the last candle for their great grand chill
dren to eat supper by at the next Charlotte
Centennial.
"Well done good and faithful Charlotte, for
I do believe Charlotte, as a city, will get to
Heaven, the only one on earth that will Her
hospitality will be handed down and photo
graphed in the gallery of journalism tor the
next hundred years to come"