Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1875-07-30
was illtovn. over his head, and The astron-

was thrown over his head, and the astfon-
omer continued
behold the bright star Of Venusi A
sight of this star Is worth thousand dol
lars TO any man who prefers education to
money" There was an instant OF deep
silence, and then the young man ex'
claimed:
by goshl''
stood behind him and knew that the
telescope pointed at the fifth story of
building across the square where dance
was in progress.
"All Of them indulge in exclamations OF
admiration as they view the beauties and
mysteries of nature" remarked the as
trOnOmer. Young man, tell the crowd
what you see"
q see a feller hugging girll,,. was the
prompt reply" burned if there isn't
dozen of themw
And yet" continued the astronomer,
" there are sordid wretches in this crowd
who hang to ten cents in preference to oh
serving such sights as these IN ethereal
space. Venus is millions of miles away,
and yet by means of this telescope and by
paying ten cents this intellectual young
man is enabled to observe tho inhabitants
of that far-otf world hugging each other
just as naturally as they do in thisp'1A
bear ON the tower of engine house No. Z,
five blocks away, and the astronomer CON
tinued:
- Behold the beauties and wonders of
Saturn! This star, TO the naked eye, Ap-
pears no larger than a silver half-dolIar,
and yet for the paltry sum of ten cents this
noble young man is placed within one
mile of itr' "a
by Jerusalem and coonsr murmuTed
the young man as he slapped his leg.
"Tell them what you see, my friend"
81 see two fellows in small room,
smoking cigars and playing euchrei" was
the prompt reply.
Saturn is S6,OOO,OOO of miles from this
town. continued the astronomer, sand
yet the insignificant sum of ten cents has
enabled this progressive young man TO
learn for himself that the celestial beings
enjoy themselves pretty much as we do in
this world. ] venture to say that there is
not a man in this crowd who ever knew
before that the inhabitants of Saturn knew
anything about euchre or had cigar fac
tories" wa
The instrument was changed again, and
as the interest of the crowd increased and
tho INa~Fl~ L~san IN nrnss -i'aarar iIin iarn
iessOr said:
Now behold the planet Mars, the sec
ond largest planet in the heavens. 1t is
75, ,46l ,354 miles from here, and appears to
the naked eye to be nothing more than a
bright star, and yet let this young man
| tell you what he sees"
Half mile up the street in the top
story of a big building was an evening
school. The telescope got the range of
one of the windows, and the young man
almost leaped from the stool as he shouted; !;
"Hokeys to alligatorsr'
at has been asserted by college astron-
omers that the planet of Mars is not inhab-
tied, )" remarked the professor, in quiet
cutting tones. "Some of them, pulled up
with their arrogance, have called me "a
swindlcr, and have abused this instrument,
which was constructed for me by order of
the late Emperor Napoleon at Il cost of
So, 900, but let this observing young man
tell you what he sees"
"Whetstones and whifllctreesr" ex-
claimed the young man.
Tell them-tell them, my young friend
what you sce," urged the astronomer.
There's feller sitting on bench be-
side a girl. saw him pinch her ear, and
she hit him with a book. Durn my but
tons, but she's ALFRED purity"
Gentlemen, am no blOw-hard," said
the professor in husky tones Il do not
want TO say what this telescope can do.
You have the word of one of your fellow
townsmen, and do not believe that any
of you will dispute him. l have been
called a swindler, gentlemen, because go
around the country tearing away from as
trOnomy the veil of mystery with which
so-called professors, drawing heavy sala-
ries, seek TO cover it. For the ridiculous
sum of ten cents | am giving the public
more astronomical knowledge in halt an
hour than any college professor can give
you in six months. / demonstrate to you
that the planet of Mars is not only inhab
tied by human beings but by beautiful
girls with red hair, and by stylish young
men wearing the best kind of store
clothes"
Once more he wheeled the instrument
around. This time it got the range of the
upper story of tenement-house on the
hill. The young man had scarcely taken
glance through the tube when he yelled
out:
Great guns! But what planet is this?'
You are now looking at Uranus re
piled the professor. Uranus is 81 ,502, 30
miles distant from the earth, and yet war
rant that it doesn't appear over eighty rod
away to you. Will you be kind enough
my friend, to tell this crowd what yol
see?"
"Give it to him! Whack him back
Go in, old womanr' shouted the youn.
man, slapping one leg and then the other
"Speak up, my friend. What do yoI
see?"
"That's it, Got him by the hair now
I'll bet fifty 10 one that she'll lick!"
won't you be kind enough, my friend
to allay the curiosity of your friends -
"WhoOp! That's it; now she's go
him; purtiest family fight / ever saw
cried the young man as he moved hacl
and clapped his hands,
The professor covered up the instru
, ment slowly and carefully, picked up an
; unlocked u saehel which had been lyin
near his feet, and then softly said:
, "Gentlemcn, we will pause here for
q moment. When man tells yOu altC
= this that the planet of Uranus is not in
- habited, tell him that you know better
! that it is not only inhabited, but that tn
, married couples up there have famil
4 fights, the same as on this mundan
!, sphere. In about ten minutes | will
I ready again to explain the wonders an
y beauties of the sparkling heavens TO sue
- Of you as prefer million dollars wort
:, of scientific knowledge TO ten cents
I vile dross. Meanwhile, permit me to ca
= attention to my celebrated tOothache droT
,T the only perfect remedy yet invente
for aching teeth"
J, And yet had every reason to beliey
that the professor was earnest honest an
sincere" H. Quad" IN ". Y, Grdph5c.
-