Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-08-25
Miscellaneous.
'TlH sweet to wait, Int oh how hitter,
To walt for girl and then not vlt 'eP

\ "a tSh0oa 0"ut PiCheu NY EuA
yesterday to see If it was loaded. II
was, and Michael will never pick uI
another gum.
philadelphia hotel keepers have
not yet agreed upon what price to
charge visitors next year; but the gen.
eral impression is that they will charge
all they can get.
| "A Texas woman went into q
trance, talked with an angel. saw
heavens gate, and had her ears boxed
by her husband because she let the
potatoes boil dry.
| -"Ms," said little boy. approach
ing kis mother and exhibiting nnmis-
taxable symptoms OF severe pain in
the bowels, do green apples grow in
hcavcn?'
"A Louisville saloonist has Amer
lean team cocktails." Bennington cob
b!ers," and "Sharp's rifle whisky"
The first will kill at 500 yards. the
second at 800, and the last at 1000
"Tom, yon seem to gain flesh every
day the grocery business must agree
with you. What did you weigh last p
"Well, Jim, l really forget now but
il strikes me 1t was pound of but
ter"
/ A fashionably dressed young wo-
man, putting on the finishing touches
Was heard singing, Back ward. pin
backward, oh, skirts in your flight /;
make me look small again, just for to-
night"
The Detroit Free Press has found
ont that "thc woman who can sit on
the fencc and read dime novel while
a saw log is chasing her husband down
hill lives in this State, and doesn't care
. copper cent for newspaper criti-
cisms."
The Milwaukee Sentinel speaks
anthoratatively aud says: "An Ar
kansss tornado upr0Oted large mum
Der OF trees. The natives. however,
are not entirely destitute, ~ number
of temporary gallows have bcon erect
en- for the hanging of negroes"
-Danbury Meas: AT a funeral OF
woman in Slawson, the other day, q
neighbor in attendance, feeling it nec-
essary to cay something sympathetic
to tho afflicted husband, kindly OBJ.
served: "Youve got splendid day
for the funeral"
"A somewhat illiteratc Thomas
street woman, having read in poem
about a simeon that"swept the plains" "
is urging her husband to get one o.
them new-fangled things for her to
use in her kitchen.
An awful fate has ovcrtaken a
Texas lawyer. The Bonham Enter
prise Gays: Joe Dnpree made his first
speech on Tuesday, assisting Captain
Sims in tho prosecution of Alex Rodg-
crs. The jury sentenced him to be
hanged
"A Brooklyn sick girl cleared space
around thirteen ears of green corn at
one meal tho other day, and, picking
the fragments from between her teeth
with q tsMie pin. observed "If ever
| get we'll enough again TO cat much,
think could live on corn"
! Scholars in tho Normal School, in
Westfield, Mass, turned violets green
by dipping them in ammonia and the
botanical teacher lectured upon the
discovery Of new and interesting
flower, much to their delight.
The Detroit Free Press "'Iows" that
when Canada girl loves she loves
like hand engine going to fire In
a breach OF promise suit the other day,
II was shown that q young lady wrote
to her lover s times per day.
An Indiana schoolboy has written
his name high up on the scroll of fame
this time. His teacher wanted to know
the number of zones. ssFour," was the
reply "lhe torrid, tho frigid, the tenn.
perate, and-the intemperate.' He
will enter the lecture field this Fall.
-End of the season.-"Are the
Spikenscs back ?" inquired Mrs. Stay.
by, who hasn't been out of town this
season. "Yes'm," replied the cook
and Mrs. Gadby got homo from Star.
borough's last night" "Then, Mary
you open the front shutters and let II
be known that we've got back too.
| "A boy in the suburbs tried TO as.
certain the other day the soundness OF
the prOverb: birds of q feather flock
together He plucked tho old rooster
down to . single tail feather, and il
didn't flock nj all, but went and hid
under the barn. Thus 10 another old
saw smashed.
"A country clergyman, just recov.
| eriDg from the effects of Il severe boil
| on his nose, stopped an urchin neaI
Fort Green, yesterday, and asked him
the way to the corner Of Fulton and
Clinton streets. Tho lad glanced u,
him suspiciOusly q moment and said
l"Well, yer need't 60 there, mister
there amt no gin mill on that corner
I-Brookiyn Argus.
| He had very promising boil be.
tween tho shoulder blades, and hi,
wife, who was young aud beautiful
and could play on tho harp, but had
not nursed much in the hospitals, pnt
. mustard plaster on It. A lawyer
subsc qnently explained 10 him that
they didn't grant divorces for ancf
causes in this State. s.si ~
Scene at n coffoa stand--Proprie
tor 10 colorcd soldier: .'fse kint
enough to take scat over at that lit
tie table in the corner" Colored war.
rior: "Dat's all right. During dc
rebellion used to squat ON one dead
brigadier general and stand my coffee
pot on another. l amt noways per.
tickler. Gimme some noah sugar
| 1t Is the London Telegraph which
puts forth this slaBdor on American
babies: "rhe Transatlantic infant has
. peculiar mode OF crying in a series
Of sharp, spasmodic yelps, very diff
ferent from tho s0stcnut0 howl of the
British bantling, and with intonation
as though 1t were permanently striy.
ing 10 recite the Declaration Of inde-
pendence with Its mouth full of pea.
nuts and popcorn"
1T WAS at . party that some young
ladies were discussing the relative
benefits of the sparr0ws and the
worms, when one Of the fair ones sp.
pealed 10 young Fizzleton, who had
just Joined them, and had not caught
tho drift of The conversation. (Which
do you think the worse, worms OF
1 nnApeova ~ What x1iA thu neu,~;J