Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-12-17
Fl I'm O Il.


HI AOR.
It is seldom easy to see the hidden bene-
faction in that which is an apparent affiic-
tion. A boy who was ''confounding" the
mosquito was told by his pastor that
doubtless the insects are made with a
good end in view,'' wi en- the young scamp
replied, Il can't see it, whether it is in
view or not. At any rate don't like the
end l feel.'' was
It will hardly be necessary to tell the
name Of the facetious party who went into
a village dry goods store the other day,
and was observed to be looking about,
when the proprietor remarked to him that
they didn t keep wliskey. SIT would save
you good many steps it you did, y was the
stage-driver's quick reply.-Berkshire Jou-
Tier.
Here is the dinner a bashful young man
enjoyed at the picnic Saturday, given in
the order of the courses: A pickle, a dish
of ice cream. ham sandwich, rice pudding.
picked onions, sponge cake, another pic
Kle. frosted cake, plate of beans, plum pud-
ding. and glass of ice water. During the
night he lost his bashfnlness to some ex-
tent.
The question is again agitated, s'Shall
women be permitted to pass the hat in our
churches ?" Granted that it is her right,
bit we must protest. 1t is in some meas
ure financial question. We are giving
two-thirds of our salary to the churches
now, and does a generous public want us
to stalve to death ?-Roche>ter Democrat. :
A tramping printer on the route between
New York and Newburg. is accompanied
by his wife. When asked the other day by
a country editor, why he carted her around
with him, remarked that she took him for
better or worse, and, having had good
taste of the latter, was endeavoring to find
out where the better came in.
sob printing!" exclaimed an old lady,
the other day. as she peeped owes her spec
tacles at the advel tising page of country
paper. s'Poor Job! they've kept him print
ing, week after week, ever since L larnt to
read and Il he wasn't the patientest man
that ever was, he never could have stood
it so long. no how"
A Somerset young woman, seventy-eight
years of age, became tired OF life the other
day and hung herself to a bedpo,t with a.
corset. We always thought corsets were
nhealthy-especially when worn about
the neck-Norristoacn Herald
Il lived with him nineteen years. says
an Indiana applicant for divorce, rand all
the clothes he ever bought me was a bunch
Of hair pins and tooth brush" You can
see by this what a hard time she had to
Rep well dressed.
There are some conf.ling PED, lie left in
Troy. An apple woman in that city will
trust An alderman over Sunday for fifty
five cents worth of fruit, but it may oe
added that she's around mighty early Mon
day morning. s
Because he can no longer live among a |
people who recognize "a difference between |
political and business integrity" Sam
Bard will shake the dust Of Atlanta from
his feet and suspend his fiddle in Mont !
gomery.
The great big Photographer of the Chica-
go 'Tribune" pitches his voice and sings:
There was man PANIED j. Smith.
Who wished to cross the river; 49, m
The ferry boat was leaving; 81 1
He ran, and spraneu his lver.'
The Marshall Messenger" regretfully !
remarks: ssOne by one the old pioneers
pass away" But this is not so sad as if !
they were to pass away two by two, or
three by NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. Herald.
.sWhat object do you now seer" asked
the doctor. The young man besitated for
a few moments, and then replied: ''It ap-
pears like. a duck, doctor, but rather
think it is your shadow ri
When New Y ork newspaper calls John
Morrissy tn: 4, and word comes that
John has entered the front door, the rusI,
for the fire escape beats the retreat from
Bull Rdn. $500
An Indiana, man said to a Bible agent:
I'm Christian. but I'll be blamed if 1
don It have to grit my teeth when the OHIO
river is on a l.vel with The top of my
corn"
II we had cheap telegraph rates per-
son living in Detroit could, for fifteen
cents, telegraph his mother in-'aw in New
York not to come-family got the small
r0x.
When they catch man GATHERING Della
ware peaches at midnight they preserve
fxns TO hoo f.,,, t,,,t
shooting half pint of salt into his legs.
An Ohio boy swallowed four or i've of
the wheels OF an eight-day clock, and he
has kept the whole family running" ever
since the event. |
If young ladies wish to get stout they
should eat their food slowly. Haste does I
not make waist in such cases. Detroit
ssHow much is metre?" asked Cleve-
and paper. Wait till the gas man comes
around-hell give you liberal figures.
Economy is beginning to prevail again.
At funeral, Saturday, nine men appear
ed with unblacked boot heels.
Contentment is said to be better than
riches, but the latter is good enough for,
We writer. Whitehall Times. ....s.s
It must make prisoner raven mad to
be called jail-bird. s. -
An unprincipled bachelor says troubles