Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-11-05
WHOLE NO. 535.


DOnt gamDle, young 1naii, uoH sam
BILE with time.
Men who go out for clark" more often
make il swallow"
Before states were used people multipli-
ed on the face of the earth.
New Bedford is said to have but one
whaler left--a schoolmaster.
II you wish to enjoy constitutional lib.
erty, don't wear pull-back dress.
A new pattern of q stove is wanteds--
One that don't have to be 'sput up every
fall.
Putting a pull-back necktie on to
him" is what the western lynchers now
call it.
The constable who had an attachment
for widow was informed with dignity
that his affections were not reciprocated.
Ambition is very well expressed in the
remark of the small boy with mouse in
trap: II hope to have menagerie
some day"
A French philosopher says: "Maidens
in love have but one eye," but it is two to
one he never said that to the girl he was
after individually.
Young lady-"Well, now, what did the
Israelites do after they crossed the Red
Sea-" Sharp girl eagerly-"Please, they
put on their dry things"
The Mormons are to have female ply
sicians of their own education Twenty
five girls of the Latter Day Saints are now,
studying medicine at Salt Lake.
THE Wisconsin Indians prophesy a
mild winter, because the bears are not
seeking their winter quarters; which is
kind of the Indians and the bears.
ssDo they ring two bells for school?'
said father to his ten-year old daughter,
who attends the High School. me, pa,
they ring one bell twice" she replied.
''Have you caught my fish, bub?" ask
ed gentleman of small urchin, that
was fishing. eyes, sur, good eel" said
he, exhibiting one about eighteen inches
long.
ONoNDAGA Indians have what is called
green-corn dance. 1t is an enjoyable
affair, but does not present that vatiety
and fervor which characteriZes the green
apple dance of the pale-faces.
| An Arab chi eff at the Marseilles opera
especially admired the trombone player,
expressing his wonder "to see that Christ
ian swallow so much brass. cannot vet
comprehend where he puts it"
EDMOND ABOUT is coming to write up
! tho CantappioI Eypnncffiou oy,6 fho
phic says il he does not speak well of it
he will undoubtedly depart from Philadel
phia Man with Broken Ear"
/ The cool spell has set the tramps to
meditating. One of them writes a Nor
| ristown police men asking whether there
have been any Improvements made in our
lookup during the summer Herald.
A London dentists circular says that,
as general thing, only men of culture
go into the tooth-drawing profession
And yet it must be admitted that many of
them are not men of gentle extraction.
Athletic barman: "Now, if you don't
take yourself of, I'll precious soon turn
you out" Pat, with yell "Tur-r-rn
me out! Is it tur-r-rn me out! Thin, be-
dad come outside, an tur-r-rn me out"
Benson of sixth street, removed the
body of his mother-in-law from the old
cemetery the other day, and he says he
could find nothing but the jaw, which
was IN a state of perfect preservation
An experienced farmer opines that the
man who can plow stumpy ground with
a pair of lively mules without swearing
! is prepared to go through purgatory
with an overcoat on-Easton Free Press.
The number of weddings appears to be
about as usual for the season. The corn
crop may be good or bad, but the desire
in mans bosom to dig around and sup
port family and wear old clothes is still
| the same.
A Nevada bridegroom was only dis
uaded from the production of double
headed clergyman by the assurance that
the kiss he had attempted to imprin-
upon the brides brow was wholly un-
paroxysmal.
The following is a copy of notice
served by landlord of this city ON one
of his tenants some days since: Mr.
August Ell notfeth Ju Ju mus bic muf
daforsh tie of September. Eli muf in Mel
Self, Jacob -.
A pair of stairs that ordinarily are as
solid as a rock will straddle In the Joints
and crack and crack together with all
the fervor of a thunder clap when one is
attempting to climb them noiselessly late
at night. Fulton Times
"You're always off at nights, Le-
ander," said Mrs. Smith reproachfully
the other evening. Yes, my DEAR" repli-
ed Smith. you'll remember even whenI
first proposed, you considered me pretty
good off-er."-N Y Commercial Adoer-
tsser
George ILL.,, speaking to Archbishop
Sutton respecting his large family, made
the remark, 81 believe you Grace has
better than dozeng mo, sire," replied
the archbishop, 'only eleven" well"
replied the king, ''isn't that better than q
half dozen?"
The stupidest boy that ever successfully
resisted the attempt to propel the etymol-
ogy of the word baker into his intellectual
system will display more ingenuity
ohu hhUNACu Va oe1AeOSy Al AOOOhuS oA
apple orchard than the colonel of
militia regiment.
She used to keep bits of broken china
and crockery piled up IN a convenient
corner of her closet, and when asked her
reason for preserving such domestic hum
Der, she shot lurid glance at. her hus-
band, and merely remarked: He knows
what them's for"
When man wants plug of tobacco
the grocery three-fourths of a mile off is
only a step, but if his wife wants drink
of cool water from neighbours well
opposite, by some mysterious agency
that we'll suddenly becomes removed
more than half q mile away.
A man rushed breathlcssly into a
lawyers office in St. Paul, and approach
ing the legal luminary. excitedly remark
ed: A man has tied hoop to my
horses tail. Can do anythings" "Yes,"
replied the attorney; "go and unite it. -
This was good advice, and only cost the
man $5.
At recent trial the prisoner entered
a plea of mot guilty." when one of the
jurymen put on his hat and started for
the door. The Judge called him back
and informed him thar he couldn't leave
tbo soI 4 Z,