The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-09-01
Wit and Humor.

Mormon leaders now assert that Brig
ham Young has but twelve actual
wives; all the rest arc simply sealed to-
him.
The school commissioners of Men,
phis, Tenn, have succeeded in placing
all the colored schools under the charge
of colored teachers.
When freedom from her mountain
height unflrled her standard to the air,
her skirts pinned back so very tight,
made her appear exceedingly spare.
Mr.. Ball, of Westville, n. ", has
made run" from home. He left
wife and several creditors, We should
say lie is II base Ball.
It has been remarked that if 4 man
wants to know his faults he should run
for an Office; if he would discover his
virtues he has only to die.
To peel onions easily and pleasantly,
put them in a pail of water, holding
them under the water as you peel them
This plan saves many tears.
4 grocer at the North End advertisc3
IA cake of fine soap given with each
pound of tea " Probably for the pur-
pose of washing down the tea.
1t is one of the curiosities Of natural
history that a horse enjoys his food most
when he hasn't bit in his mouth.
4 tourist being asked what part Of
Switzerland hc felt the heat the most,
replied, "When he was going to Berne."
It's not so extraordinary that NcOu-
chadnezer lived on grass. We know Of
hundreds upon hundreds who live Oh
the turf.
So, Spinner, after handling hundreds
of millions, comes out s. ahead. Frame
that bill, general, and hang it up for
your postcrity 10 be proud of.-MalI.
a farmer in Charlton found Way to
make baiky horse go. lie took him to
n strange town and put him up at auc-
ton. lie went for $50 Brunswicker.
a boy named Levi ate ten baskets of
strawberries yesterday on a wager.-
Baltimore paper. Well wager it didn't
Levi ate his condition much.-Mail
Chinese is to be taught at Boston
normal school. The girls are determine
ed to be no longer ignorant of what is
written on fire cracker packs and tea
chests.
The couple married in balloon to ad-
vertise Barnum's show didn't live to-
gether three weeks.-Erchange An
other instance ofthe result of njudiccus
, advertising.
A sharp talking lady was reproved by
her husband, who requested her 10
keep her tongue in her mouth. My
dear" she said, ITS against the law to
carry concealed weapons"
ave all have our crosses" sighed
Cardinal McClosky, rs he mourntully
pinned on that S2D, 900 diamond, one the
st. Vincont pupils thrust upon him.
The man that halls you Tom or Jack
And proves by humping on your back
How he esteems your merit,
Is such friend that one had need
BE very much his friend indeed
10 pardon or to bear it.
Some Galveston men have been held
to answer On charge of stealing whale.
The charge dosn't state whether the
property was found on their persons or
not.
They have female barber in Brook
lvn. She is seventeen, soft-handed,
sweet of breath. pretty, plump and
graceful, and what is better than all,
\ieafaud dumb!
An exchange says that twenty-five
years ago New England boys hardly
new the difference between row-bOat
and scow, and ROW hardly know any
thing else.
Gail Hamilton thinks school eXhibi-
= ions are fearfully and wonderfully con-
ltriyed to use up pupils and break down
teachers, and take all the substance out
of what should be an education.
When playful boy is sliding down q
sand bank, with heart full of careless
ness, and pair 81 suinmef pants, moth.
ing more quickly turns the current Of
his thoughts than to slide Oh abrier.
"A De Ruyter, census enumerator stum-
bleu upon family whose children
claim the alliterative names of John,
Jonathan, Josiah, James, Job, Jane, JI-
Iis, Jerusha, and Jedediah. Jerusalem !!
Fruits Of the season-r rainstorms, tor
.nadees, hurricanes, Waterspouts, and
cyclones: drowning and suicides; burg
iISries and three.card monte; unsteady
markets and men-apd-vhnt Js the
world coming too, anyhow
An editor having asked an El1inois
farmer for rcropnews, received tihs an
swer: "And now the reaper reapeth,
the mower mowcth, and the little bum
lble-bee getteth up the busy granger's
;trousers-leg and bumbleth."
DON'T Let your angry passion rise
Because your neighbors advertise.
And draw away the dimes;
But boldly do, as they have done,
pursue the. course thev.have begun,
And, drive ,away dull times.
The population of Louisianagives an
excess ,of As, ,G6s ,eolored people over
whites. so long as this preponderance1
H.;.to ,ro q re afraid that State Willbel