The daily gazette., 1875-08-23
An Inflated Cocktail.
dR hEITRT'7 LESSON IN rrv4yry
FPoM A RAPKEFPEn.

CHICAGO, August 1J.--Mr. Kelley.
whom Mr. Morton does not scruple to
call "a sloppy tourist ia out Lere en-.
q1ea!orins to bring the people OF the
northwest to realizing sense of the
necessity for an issue of more curren.
cy Rathcr an amusing and interest
ing occurrence has transpired during
ms visit which has not yet found its
way into any OF the local prints, but
that ne Word may deem worthy of
publication, Cn the morning after his
great imitation speech Mr.. Kelley felt
athirst and walking down town In.
to the bar OF the fremont House bade
| the attendant barkeeper mix him a
whiskey cocktail. While the barkcep.
er was compromising the liquor, syrup
bltters, ice and water in due PROPORTION
he remarked You're Senator Kelley
amt YOU Il am, but don't be afraid
young man, don't be afraid, ;" affably re-. |
Piled the statesman. / thought youwas.
sale The artist in liquors; Il hear YOU
did make bully speech last night un IN
Mccormack Hal, Was that a | true
you told Ia ABOUT them bonds. and |
more greenhlcke, ard that other she
nGnigan eh:' "rlue:" said The amos
tie of imitation; Il coarse il was trne
am a man ~ pIincip pie, Young man, a
man OF strict primo. ID 'Keerect,"
replied the oagGcepcr, ID he poured the
completed cocktail in ~ amber Grch
into the gla-- all Illcl :umbler Of
water.
Mr.. Kelley tls.,- .Ao leverage, See
here, Johnny, L. Id, That cocktail
doesn't rise aud t4ke me b. the throat
so much as It snould | want It % Be
all to ne that tie name Implies. just 4
make 1t stronger anil give II to NE n I
bigger glass, will your" :
The bark eper promptly transferred /
the contcuta into water tumbler snd
added about twice the quantity 7s
water.
Mr.. Kelley Observed, somewhat te,.
tily Hello hello What are you dc,
ing, ehG" wanted bigger dr1uk ,
more Of G cocktail you know (,
The harkeeper smiled spcloceticeiiy ,
and begging Mr., Kelley pardon. emp
tied the diluted cocktail into 7ve.es ,
bee1 glass, which he brtnmed with :
water. There vas aa cceuc Of duii
failtl- tinged Nth pinkiah amber.
On the surface e which fioatci SHE'D !
of lenon-pcel. The barkeeper pushed
the Elacs ever to his customer, and sf. :
fably- resting beth hands On the conc. !
ter asked him how that suited him,
Mr. Eelley first rubbed hic eTs3 !.
11d thea pinoiei himself 70 &c surs
that he vas himself and awake then
lowered hi7 7pc1t90les and inspected {
Tho bark ecper arroTly "Toun1 man
he sail 1T at, in his most solemn !.
tones, 10 you call that Z cocktail. {
DO -all that cocktail Ii -.
oliej pityiDsly what n bla7os do YOU +
all Il That thc best cocktail! the 4
world ever saw There whistev iu r
I, there's gum in il, there Auc ostcra G
,ittera ia il, these lemon peel in il.
here's water in il, there Ice in it..ad Il
ion't theT nate cocktail Besides C
Is called & cocktail, just the ane AZ II
4 dollar is called 4 dollar, and don't G.
hat make it cocktail You can do d
nythinF with that cocl tail that you al
ould do with any other cocktail ron ll
al iring it you c7r pay for it, don't II
hat make it n good as any other b
ocktail What DO you take me for ii
Isven't | read your speeches fo
"Bnt, gaspcd Mr.. Kelley, growing jo
cry rcd in the taco, ''thPrc stoo much y
Tater in it st
Too much watcr,' rsjoined the At
arkccper. Why, you mnst have SO
luch wator In y cocktail anyhow;
,usn't you. lon got your whiskey
Ike what you financial sharps call :.
'serve, and then YOU issue your cock. IL
Ill on that basis. You ace. You hay y
n elastic cocktail-a cocktail that vs.
iapts itself to the wants OF The y
ustomer, If he wants n strong drink Ia
e don't want much wafer; If he wants ri
long drink I'll inflate his cocktail till 81
. volume equals his necessities. III
I'll } on I've studied up this here finan. at
ial problem" d,
'But. but" stammered Mr.. Kelley, pi
there isn'ta drop more whiskey all
ne while. ani every drop Of water
on add weakens and spoils it," re
That can't be-" rejoined the bar. " '.
eeper. TITS just like finance. Whis (,
ey's wealth and cocktails currency. n