South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-10-29

WIT AND HBGUOR.
DA schenectady gaa It spelling
school sat down on "pantaaoons"
1The new style Of pantaloons 70
be worn this fall will be large enough to
tie back.
UDuring dense fog Mississippi
steamboat stopped and . traveller anx.
ioas - 60 ahead came to the unpertur.
bed manager Of the wheel and asked
Why the boat had stepped.
Too mach fog cant see the river"
bat you can sec the stars overhead"
Yes" replied the urbane pilot; but
until the eiler busts We ant going that
way.
The passenger went back to bed sat.
listed.
~ "A tailor WAS observed sitting cross
legged on the Canada shore gazing in.
tently ut the Horseshoe fall, with its
thick cloud of spray. A reporter stole
mp unobserved and heard him mutter:
What place to sponge . coatr'
@"Mariar." remarked one Of the
horney -haaded sons Of toll to his wife,
"'pears to me it takes q sight O. calico
to make you dress these hard times.
Can't you economist with one of them
M puu.backs the city gals wear?" 1t
was then that Marian fred the bread.
board at him and remarked that she
wasn't "goin' to stop the circulation Of
blood in her legs for no bald-hcaded
penny-piacher."
1An Illinois editor bought his ink
by the jugfull because he could get it
cheaper, but his wife went to fill the ink.
stand one morning and found il wasn't
ink, by jugfull.
,SECrs IN HEAvEN."-"Yous see, when
you done shuttle of dis mortuory coil,
and the sperrit presents itself at the Col.
den Gate" argued n colored revivalist
on the levee. the other day, Gabriel
gwine to ask you what Church you long.
ed to in de flesh"
"Yaas, spec So" said the listener.
'Ef you 'longed to the Missiumary
Baptist, he gwine tole you walk right in
and set by de foot.stool
'-Efyou long to de Methomdist Church
he say stay on de outside whar your
shoutin' don't 'sturb de angels.
"Ef you's Piscumpalion-"
Hole on, Mr.. Middleton, dey amt no
niggers 'Piscumpalions. Dem's all white
folks" interrupted the listener.
dat don't make no difference" con-
tinued the expounder of religion; de
principles de same, amt itp Eff you're
Piscumpalion de angel say to you. go
over dar 'mong de white folks
"Ef youse Caffolik, de angel pint you
to de Virgin Mary, and tell you
'Bgt look heah. Mr.. Middleton, spo.
sen he didn't long to no church in de
iesh?' queried the listener.
well. what he lie dom dar, den :"
asked colored divine, scornfully.
Well" replied the unconvcrted sim
ner. 81 thought in dat case, he could dos
he please" VicksJury Herald.
v"Aunty, did God make that man."
whispered a little four.year to his COM
--panion. in the Jamaica Plain horse car,
as he looked askance at Mr.. Wah Lee.
one Of the iaundrymen from the flowery
kingdom, who sat opposite. Certainly,
my dear" was the reply; land why do
you ask such a question:" Because,
aunty, he didn't make the hinges to his
eyes on straight"
" An eminent LAWYER Of Boston tells
the following joke: A fashily- dressed
young sprig entered Gen. Buffers office
and was requested to be seated. The
request was complied with, and the young
man was asked to state his business =
"Well, Mr.. b., what would be the first
thing for me to do to learn the profes.
sion?" Benjamin fixed his weather eve
upon the nobby dressed young man and
surveyed him from his fashy necktic to
his highly polished boots, and cxclaim.
ed: 1.-The first thing you had better do
would be to go and roll in a barn yard"
An answer came as quick rs the suopes.
ton In the following terse language =
"lf should come and study two years
In your office, wouldn't that do just as
well?"
WWcstern papers speak of an opera.
bouffe singer with mouth so large that
two dentists worked on her lower teeth
at one time. without in any way hinder.
ing the work of another tooth extractor.
who was putting up staging to do a
little job on the upper teeth.
~ A very diminutive specimen Of n
man lately solicited the hand OF fine.
looking girl. "Oh, no." said the fair
but insulting lady, 81 can't think of it
for moment. The fact is, John, you
are little too big for a cradle, and a
little too small to go to church with"
IVA little three year old one Sun.
day asked his mother TO let him have
his building blocks to play with. but she
told her darling that il was Sunday. and,
therefore. not proper for him TO have