Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1875-09-09
VARIETY AND HUMOR.

1t makes man and mars a woman to
be talked about.
The next fashionable color, the Paris
gossips say, is to be green
Gen. Sherman can command an army
but he can't drive yoke of oxen, and he
contesses the fact
Canada papers seem to be alarmed lest
the Fenians appear again. There's allurs
something to make life unhappy.
Will you folks who say that water.
melons are unhealthy please tell honestly
now, when you ever saw one sick?
In certain New York shop windows
is displayed this suggestive notice: Bow
wanted that has fully rested himself and
is not too intellectual
Mark Twain is charged with lendinp
money at 16 per cent, even though he has
written column after column on "widows'
tears and orphans walls. '-Detrou Free
Press.
If all the English noblemen reported
at the different watering places of the
East would 90 around dropping as many
VS. as they do his it would dispel the hard
times, short meter.
Seth Green says that editors can never
be successful fishermen. They get dis
couraged after few minutes and throw
down the rod to write an abusive article
on the tinny tribe.
A Massachusetts snutf-taker calcu-
| lates that during the past forty years he
has titiNated his nosrils with two-thirds
of ton of the pungent dust, valued at 49,.
300. That's sneezy way of getting rid of
money.
The Cincinnati Work House officials
encourage sick prisoners to work by pre-.
senting them with the business end of a
red-hot poker. The physician who intro
duced this plan considers himself great
! retormer
A farmer in Spencer, Nd, set out an
acre of mullen by mistake, thinking it to
be tobacco. Every tobacco-chewer in the
| land should have been there to see him
''swear off on the weed" when he saw
what he had done.
Baltimore has insured the lives OF her
firemen so that in case of accident produc-
| ing total incapacity to do duty each victim
will have an income Of five dollars per
week with which to pay his rent, main
tain his family and purchase delicacies.
The only way to get the ear of
Louisville editor is to address him as
| Colonel" If you don't want to get his
ear-and there are good many people
who don't-you have only to call him
missed-ear Mister. -Chicago EceBjng
Journal.
| A correspondent of the New Orleans
! PicaV,aae writes an amusing account of the
difficulties which he met in an attempt to
examine the back files of the London
| Times From his account one weuld infer
that they were as piousy guarded from
the proclamation of the common herd of
mankind as if they were a second edition
of the tablets of Mount Sinai.
80 You pays your money and takes
choice" at Vartha's Vineyard, where there
arc two rival lines of excursion steamers,
one of which announces that its course
includes the delightful trip across Buz
Yards Bay" while its rival gives equal
prominence to the fact that, by tins line
| the disagreeable trip across Buzzard's Bay
| is avoided"
| "A literary young woman OF Connect
cut awoke, few mornings since, and
found her long black hair lying on the
| floor, alongside Of pair OF scissors, 1t
is thought that she cut it off herself while
asleep, but, as women hate each other in
| Connecticut Just as much as they do any
where else, there is reason to suspect some
envious female hand.
There is Il spice of grim humor in the
| official announcement that New England
| requires a specially large supply OF small
change Any one who has seen " down
| East merchant spend an hour hunting
| up change for a dollar bill rather than
| take a half-dime for a siX-cent glass OF
| ha of Ia Of
ment.-Detroit Free Press
The reputed scarcity of young men at
the watering places this year is confirmed
| by the testimony of the young men them
! selves. One OF them says he entered the
| hotel at Richfield Spring under the fire OF
| thirty or forty pairs of coyetous female
J eyes. I'm not stingy man, he ADDS,
''vet the unspoken sentiment of my heart
| at that moment was: Thank you; but
there isn't enough of me to 90 round.
In shooting ducks, prairie chickens,
| etc, if YOU do not wish to draw them,
! hang them up by the legs, not by the
neck; they will keep twice as long. IN
warm weather. Also, when you catch
| large fish, kill him at once by striking
| him on the back of the head with ham
mer or piece of iron; lie will keep as long
again as if left 10 die gradually.-Chtcago
Field.
Papa, did you see those nice little
! guns down To the stsre:' asked llttie
| six-year-old boy. Yes, Harry | saw
them. But | have so many children to
! feed and clothe that cannot afford to buy
| you one" replied his father, seriously
| Little Harry glanced at the baby in me
cradle with no loving expression on ms hiS
face Finally he said; well, papa, III
/ tell you what YOU can do; you can swap
| little Tommy for gun. "-Er.