The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-09-30
A CHAPTER ON BOILs.

regular, OlQ-IaSnOn6Q elSnteen-carab
"bilel" Well, while I've had it, I've
kept a clean record of all the boil cures
that have been urged upon me, and the
publication thereof I hope viii result in
the early cure of all boils in this part of
the universe.
Ny boil came the first part of the
month ON my hip, and the first man who
saw me limp said
"Holloa, corns hurt you? n
said, "No, I've got a boil"
"Don't say3 Well, now, see here /;
you go right home and get some of
Dalley's ointment, and buy five cents
worth of lint aud put it on your
boil, and it will be well in twenty-four
hour"
I thanked him, got OF a horse-car,
and met another friend who urged me by
all means to make q bread-and-milk poul-
tice, and lie perfectly quiet until it should
come to a head, "for," says he, "Boils
are sore things, and they don't like to be
jammed around much.
I thought so, too, but before / had
time to say so another friend reached
over, and, touching me with his cane,
said:
"Did Ihear you remark that you were
suffering with a boil?"
eyes, sir, suffering is the word"
"Wel, now, see here, john" says he,
"all you've got to do is just to live it
down. Live well, eat plenty of beef
steak, mutton-chops, eggs, and omelets,
and then if you viii drink a glass Of hot
water before breakfast-net warm water,
you know, but just as hot as you can
stand it-you will drive all the impuri-
ties out of your blood ~instanter."
Reaching my place of business found
three more boil-curers awaiting me. The
first said
"Now, you Just give quarter and I'll
slip out TO a drug store and get a box of
mercurial ointment, and I'll ease you In
less than three minutes. You see it
drives the matter back in the blood and
the blamed thing has to heal up In spite
of itself" :
But while I was taking out the quar-
ter another friend stepped up and beg
ged me not to waste time or money on
mercurial ointment he had had boils
from a boy up to two years ago, when
an old woman on Long Island, a friend
OF his mother-ln-law, had cured HIM
completely the matter mustn't be driv-
en- back into theLbleedI but aaastIhl
coaxed out of it if not there could be no
certainty about the thing.
"And now if you viii Just let your
boy go down to a botanic drug store, !"
said he, .sand ask for ten cents worth
of red cedar berries, and take and stew
them IN pint of water and drink the
tea, you'll never have another boil"
The next man was a woman who had
listened to the last two prescriptions.
She now put in her oar. Her husband
had had boils all over his body, and
what she knew about the boil bust
ness was only equaIled by the ate 81.
G. in the farm line. There was only
one sure cure for boils Al few cents
worth of honey mixed with flour and
the yolk of an egg would draw a boil to
a head quicker than all the salves in
creation.
My boy was standing, hat in hand,
waiting patiently to be sent for n Oh
all of these lotions when q Wall street
friend stepped In and said
"Why, l can curt you of a dozen
boils In less than two days any time, Oh
at least 1 can on any n In the street.
You see we use bears grease on the
bulls, and the gall of bulls to poultice
the bears with. Jay Gould buys al
the dead bears at the Central Park and
Barnum's Museum, and keeps ten me1
at work boiling-out bears grease, and
he often draws the sorest boils toa head
before the owners know it )" besides ht
knew men who contracted for all the
bulls gals that came to Washington
Market.
I said, "My Christian friend, my boi
is too serious a matter to joke about,
and it's not your kind" I was about
to administer some needed advice to hin
when an Irish tailor next door dropped
in and urged me to send out and get {
little shoemakers' wax, and wear it on
my boil Just one day, and he would guar
antee a cure or make no charge for hi
advice.
I sent my boy back with his hat, anG
seizing my own / started for home, hop
ing thereby to get rid of my tormentors
who were as much worse than my boila
the boil was worse than a hfe-insuranct
agent.
But a man might as well expect tc
stave off a chill rs to free himself from
boildoctors. Before 1 reached home J
met an old friend who, after sympathiz.
ing with me, informed me that if / woulG
just mix q tablespoonful of "Injun
meal in a little water and drink it three
times a week, it would eradicate all the
ef1uvia from the blood, and make me fee
like a morning star.
On reaching home I found a Spiritual
list acquaintance, who has a mission, wait
ing for me. mentioned tohim that | haG
a boil. Said he
"Why, I've had hundreds OF then
and can cure them every time all you
have to do is to wait till they com to a
head, and then Git requires nerve to do it
though inst take a razor or lancet and
lay it open to the bone, and cut the corr
out by the roots J"
L suggested veins and arteries, and he
saw at once that / hadn't any nerve.
had no money for his mission, but OF
my offering HIM two dollars to help star
a ghost factory here In New York tina
should beat the Eddy brothers, he tool
up his hat and left me and my boil to the
next tormenter, who was not long in put
ting in an appearance.
The next was a Turkish-bath man, wht
assured me that he had had a very bile
u turn a year ago, and had swea
them out of himself by taking six baths
"You see" he said, ga boil must b,
kept warm, and that being a known fact
why, the Turkish bath is an interven
ton of Providence for all Job-ites the
world over"
1 promised to at once call on my
friend DIR. Miller in Twenty-sixtl
street, and let him put me through
~"course of sprouts" L was deferred
from SO doing by friend in the ice
business who told me that one of his
neighbors had tried the baths, and in.
stead Of curing him the boils came out