The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-02-20

4
Mourn over the following
The boy stood on a sunken shaft,
| And bitter tears he shed.
We eyed the youngster fore and aft
His hair and nose were red.
He looked the picture Of distress,
The very type OF woe.
We asked why his unhappiness.
His voice came sad and low.
And while the lad it tears relates
The story, we are awcd:
Said he: | bought a pair Of skates,
And now it's gone and thawed.'
OF all wives, Nellie dear, my surmise is, Moth.
er Eve was the luckiest the world ever saw
though they lost an estate in certain Fall
Crisis, she and Adam had never mother in law.
-Seribner'S Monthly,
There is girl in Perth Amboy n. j., who can
hold twenty-six clothes-pins in her mouth, hang
clothes line with her feet and repeat the Lords
prayer backward all at the same time Her name
is Holycum, and she washes shirts for sixty
cents Dozen
Bostonians are IN bad way, according 10 the
Transcript Of that city They are chained to
the chariot of triumphal art What changes
time makes! Fifteen years ago even the spec
ldcIC Ol IL uOZcn llHOCtHt H''N"NN W ~"
OK cart would have made Boston howl.
1t has been cold enough in Kansas to freeze
whiskey, and some OF the drunkards there have
become solid men.-N. ! Ad"'
| When YOU see physician sprinkling ashes on
| the icy sidewalk in front OF his residence, you
may know he has retired from the profession
Erchangc
The Whitehall Times speaks Of the prevalence
of the whopping cough in that town.-PLdttS.
| barYh RcDnbtcan.
Oh! what n whopper.
Mr. Mutton, Of Oshkosh, has q complaint
against a railroad company for being put off the
cars at the wrong station. Mutton, suet, why
don't you?
A new edition of Sheridan's Works has just
been published in New York, but the publishers
very judicously refrain from including his latest
work in New Orleans. 1t woul1 injure the sale.
Detroit Press.
Grant and Phil climbed Liberty hill,
To carry third term rafter;
The plank fell down and cracked Grants crown,
And Phil came tumbng after
-YonkerS Gazette.
Philadelphia has an eightton elephant, be.
sides the Centennial.-N. J. Nail
a man who spits in a railroad car cannot cx.
pectto-rate as gentleman. Boston Traveller.
An artist of the pencil at Fort Edward, by the
name of Chimney, is said to draw WE'LL White
hall Times
1t is supposcd that Gen. Tom Thumb must sui.
fer from the cold, as he cannot wear great coat
-BoSton TrdU.
The Yonkcrs crop of twins is unusually large
this season, which shows that onkers is bound
twin.-En.
The st. Louis papers are now the only Journals
in the country which use the expression Fire.
ilend and they are getting so that they don't ap.
ply it unless two barns burn ut once.
This is the way one choir sings the first verse
Of Jerusalem, my happy home:
YiG.lu-sah. leng, Ye -lu.sah .leng,
Dining Jill bzH pao.pe
Ling geo XIX we tao,
Pen ngo ziu gyi en-we?
The choir to which we now refer is composed
Of Cinnamon but there are plenty Of American |
choirs that can sing it just as badly.-Er.
A little boy in Chicago who had killed his ma IS
pet hen yesterday, went home about dusk and
stayed behind lamp-post round the corner,
while his attorney, playmate whose hands had
llso been imbrued ia the blood of the innocent
poultry, went in to see if the woman would &C.
ept plea Of guilty of nslaughtcr in the sec.
md degree and save the country the expense Of
trial
foolish old setting hen Of Jackson, Tenn,
bandoncd her eggs, robbed an old cat of it's kit
ems, and is now covering her ill., gotten and I'M
atural family.
western paper tells af somnambuist who
ell through a skyight, without waking up. The
nan who could sleep through suck pancs as that
ould sleep through anything. |
little boy named Pharo fell over his tin say. s
ngs bank on Christmas morning and unjointed {
ia nose. This is not the first nose that has been
ut out of Joint by faro bank. ,
When Queen Victoria heard that Forney was {
n London she rushed around, busted off the ,
hairs, picked up the carpet rags, and waited all
ay for him to come up TO the house. ,
A farmers wife in Dakota thoughtessly used
bundle Of old letters 10 stuff up the cracks of
heir cabin, and the farmer is new in search of
he writer Of them with n shot gun.