The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-06-18
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

A correspondent writes to inquire i
"Amos Keeter" is humorous historical
writer.-N. o. Republican.
The Sanscrit class of the Boston Univer
sity includes two young ladies. None but
a second-c]ass bookseller would dare mar
ry one of the dear sanscritters.-N. O. Re
publican.
The Black Hills Indians who scalp miners
are said to have an interest in wig making
establishment of San Francisco. O. Re.
publican.
A Kansas scientist had four mule shoes,
from which the " former proprietor" was
eaten clean by the grasshoppers last sea-
son.-Erehange. Former proprietor means
mule.
In an uptown restaurant the following
notice was posted yesterday: "Positively,
no discussion of the Brooklyn scandal allow
ed here, during the heated term."-N 7.
Mail.
The Troy Wing wants General Batcheller
to stop at Troy on his way to Egypt, and
"take with him the man who writes poetry
to MS about Spring. and throw him off the
boss pyramid"
The indianapolis Sentinel shows some
concern over case of premature burial
as ifthe burial ofa confirmed Indianapolital
could under any circumstances be consider
ed premature. e.-LouisyilIe Couraer-Jour-
nal.
Mrs. John Palmer, wife of Steubenville
printer, has given birth to five children in
side of sixteen months-which is q pretty
hard run on Johns "small cap" case, we
we should say.-Norrsstoao Herald.
The Montana girl has very nice sense
of prppriety. When the old man fastens
the gate to keep her in nights, she'll stop
half an hour to chew the rope off, rather
than climb over the fence. Brooklyn
Argus.
Just remember, says the Free Press, if
you are called upon to contribute to the
relief of the Pennsylvania fire sufferers,
that two shillings in money is worth twice
as much to them as an old coat with the
tails off.
"We read in de good book" says col
ored Baptist brother down South, "of John
de Baptist-nebber of John de Methodist"
And that, says Charleston correspondent
of the New York Observer, is the reason
most of the colored Southern people are
Baptists.
A fellow with red nose, and blind in
one eye, is selling the negroes down South
a pill warranted to make them white, and
about fifteen minutes after they swallow it
they lean across saw-buck and turn them
selves inside out, but the white is all in
their eyas--0nnbn7,u uNaans.-------
A Norwich business man riding on the
cars to Utica, deeply absorbed in schemes of
accumulation, after eating anapple, opened
the car window and threw out his knife and
stuck the core in his pocket He did not
discover his error until he tried to cut his
fingure nails with the apple stem.- Utica
Obserger.
In Fort street car the other day woman
noticed an old man gazing at her very
sttentively. During ride of mile or
more he kept his eyes fastened on her face,
ind he must at least have seen by her man.
aer that she was annoyed, Us he bent over
md said: Excuse me, madam, but I
amt help looking at you. You put me in
mind of my dead wife her nose turned off
sideways just exactly like your'n does r'--
Detroit Free Press
The author of "When This Old Hat Was
New" was unquestionably a verse-a tile
senius.-N. z. Nal. The subject was doubt
ess felt by the poet. Boston Commercial
Bulletin. We think the poem was his crown
ng triumph.-Detroit Free Press. But it |
went to his head.-Migaoaukee |
Nesos. Thus by the flippant paragraphs
he climax of absurdity is capped st.
1o1is Republican. They none of them brim
'ver with wit, but the last chapeau to be
roned to slick him. Chicago Tribune.
General Sheridan will take his young
ride, daughter of Assistant Quartermaster |
ieneral Rucker, out ON the Plains for the |
Fedding trip, visiting, among other places,
ne famous Yellowstone River, the rival of
he Yosemite of California. Secretary of
Var Belknap and others accompany the
ridal party, and General Custer's cavalry
xpedition of twelve hundred troopers will
urnish the escort, delaying their depart
re from Fort Lincoln, Neb., to suit the
Convenience of General Sheridan and party,
N. z. Com. Adg.
When ninth avenue boy pitches into a
lacrosse street boy and gets bloody nose
e goes home fully prepared for what he
nows will follow Fighting again, ehs"
,quires the Detroit father Well, viii
se you in the woodshed after dinner"
Father" replied the boy, with tears in
is eyes, it was that johnson boy. He
anne along and called me the son of
sheep thief, and, father couldn't
and by and hear you spoken of in that
lanner!" The father feels in his pocket
,r a nickel, and nothing further is said
bout the woodshed business. - Detroit
rec Press.
Judge Porter crowns Bessie Turner with
le flowers of impassionate rhetoric. If
9 seek for type for all that is lovely,
are, noble, devoted and true in woman
pod, we must hereafter turn to Bessie.
ike water to the famishing traveller in
le desert of Africa, like hope to the soul
sst down in despair, like light to the sight
IS, this fair vision of maidenly perfection
ands forth from the blackness of perjury
i'd moral depravity to restore the faith of
en in the good, the true and the beautiful!
0 have known her is liberal education
, have heard her on the witness stand
inversion to piety. And yet Tilton
aocked her doWn.-N X Sun.
Artemus Ward was once lying upon the