South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-04-16
WIT AND HUMOR.
ENThe Dundee Adrertiaer wishes

groceries, hams, ice, jalap, kerosene, po-
tatoes, pumpkins, saurkraut, wood or
money, will be taken on subscription for
his paper
h"Why viii you persist in wearing
another woman's hair on your head?"
asked Acid, of his wife She retorted.
why will You persist in wearing another
sleeps wool on your back
IY-"I say, Jim," said boy to another
boy who was standing onthe corner with
him one day last week, there's an old
lady down here that'll give fifty dollars
to see you.'
The mischief she would. How do
you know"
''She told me so herself"
"She must "a been in fun. them
No; she wasn't in fun. / know
she'd do it,"
How do you know it?''
We'll, you see, she's been blind for
good many years, and / reckon if she
could take u sqnint ut you, she'd be all
whole to see a good many other queer
hings."-CUmberla,d Ciriliam.
A RAM THAT Travels 40 MILES AT.
TER Does.-There is well told story in
the Richmond Why by Member of the
Legislature, who says that in his county
there is stock of sheep that ''have the
greatest antipathy for dogs, and kill eve.
~ one that comes within their reach
One old ram, known as .Stonewall.' be.
longing TO Widow Robinson. has been
known to travel forty miles in SINGLE
night IN search of canine victims. Lis
habit being to approach their Kennels
stealthily and there to butt them to death
before they could recover from his fast
stunning assault. My people" con-
tinues this yeracious writer. need dogs
for guards rs well as pets and compan.
IONS; but find it utterly impossible
to get members from other counties to
join mo in having law passed for the
protection of mans best friend in such
sections rs are cursed like mine with
dog killing sheep. | am told this is We.
ry much the case in Orange county. and
that MIR. 3. Johnson Barbour was turned
out of its board OF supervisors by his in.
dignant fellow-citizens, because he COM
mitted the flagrsnt offence of votinp ia
tax dogs for killing sheep when the boot
was on the other leg, and he ought to
nave voted to tax sheep for killing dops.
his excuse Is, that he is literary man.
and does not understand practical oues.
lions; an argument, by the way, Mr..
Editor, against University education
~ a colored coroncr's jury in &c.
lurnbia, S. c., verdicted: we find dat
dis yere man died from having AZ ribs
broken and his head smashed"
IA A conductor in Burlington, Iowa.
was recently made happy by having vo.
ted to him badge, at a public fair
Beng called upon for speech, he was
hustled upon the platform. Looking a.
round for moment he calculated
Tickets and retired 1t was so efYec.
tive that the band couldn't play for ten
minutes.
LVAn unfortunate Kentucky editor
addressed his delinquent subscribers as
follows: Friends we are pennyless.-
'OD'e turkey was millionaire com1a-ca
WIN our present depressed treasury.-
To-day, if salt was two cents n barrel
we could not buy enough to pickle a
jay bird
~ II is reported that q somewhat
Juvenile dandy said to n fair partner Mt
a ball Miss, don't you think nv mus.
taches are becoming?" to which Miss
replied: "Well, sir, they may be com.
ing but they haven't arrived yet"
GSrA Danbury boy found pocket.
book belonging to a Mill Plain man. and
restored it TO its owner, who gave him
1--we cent. piece. The boy looked at the
coin an instant, and then handing it re-
iuctantly back, audiby sighed as he
said, II can't change it."
~ a pretty good story is told of one
OF Gov. Tilden's staff 1t is said that
when the individual referred to first pre-.
sented himself cn a,Hnaiye to his wife
and little daughter, the latter. after rqz.
Ing at him for n few moments. trrne1to
her mother and exclaimed: .Whv. ma
that's not arcal soldier, its pa -
=" S''iJ' 4 q 8ol sweetheart. such
anice young man He'siuaproression."
"Oh, Jemimo, don't use such wicked
words ~
ut amt wicked word at all Sally |
It's business"
What business, Jcmima? Anything
nice?"
Yes sally, ats worry spoo.ablc.-
Guess what 10 is? 10 begins with no !"
Il know. Jcmima lCe homccrr
mo. il Amt though; ,r- sometime
much better than hossilcr."
'WclI, then, n h1rauge merchant"
IN you nasty thing. % lhiul. OF any. /
thing so vulgar. ICES q Lo.l9ueer r
ia boarding house keeper ADVERT. /
ses to furnish gentlemen with pleasant
and comfortable rooms also. two gou.
tlemen with wiyor."