The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-07-24
WIT AND WISDOM.

WIT AND WISDOM.
Do you like Goldfish balls, Mr.. Wig
gins = Mr.. Wiggings, hesitatingly-
really don't know / don't recollect at
tending one.
- think have seen you before. sir.
Are you not Owen Smith T' "Ob W.
I'm OWN Smith, and OWN Jones. and
OWN Brown, and OWN everybody"
"Now, then, children, " said a perish
schOol-mistress showing her children off on
examination day: "WhO loves ali men Z"
You, missus, was the unexpected reply.
Mark Twain, apropos Of new portable
mosquito net, writes that the day " com
ing when we shall sit under our nets i'm
church and slumber peacefully. while the
dlscomfited flies club together and take IL
out Of the minister
DO you enjoy going To church nov l'
asked lady Of Mrs. Partington. LA.
me, ! az, said Mrs Partington "Noth-
ing does me So much good as to get up
early Pr Sunday morning and 20 to church,
and hear populous minister dispense with
the gospel
DR. johnson once dined with a Scottish
lady who had hotch- potch for dinner. Af-
ter the doctor had tasted ii She asked him
# It was good. 1t Is good for hogs.
ma am, said the doctor. ''Then pray.
said the lady, let me help you TO some
more"
'Phat the divils goin' an here, Wild
such bangln au roarln i' said an irish.
man who landen at Castle garden yester-
day. "Nlsht returned a naturaIized
citizen, they're cilebratIn the disagray-
ment az the jury. '- Brookip. Aruls
Copy vas out. The devil picked up
paper and said, Here's something about
a woman-must ! cut It out IN "Nor'
thundered the editor; ''the first disturb
ance ever created in the world vas occa-
stoned by the devil to0llng about a woman.
A teacher i'll the Port Jgrvis public
schools was last week explaining to the
children that usually all words ending with
let meant something small, as stream
let, rlvulet, hamlet, etc. Whereupon a
smart boy asked if hamlet meant small
ham.
The Duke dc Duras, observing Descartes
seated one day on a luxurious table where
all the delicacies 0f life were bountifully
supplied. with a smile, cried out What,
do philosophers indulge in dainties i'
why not p replied Descartes, ''do you
think that bountlful nature produced all
her good things for fools N
Last Monday Mclean county Granger.
with the fingers of both hands tightly
clenched in his hair, rushed into Klein 4
Bros hardware store, crying out: "Hpre
mister, | want rake, quick p "a hay
rake i' asked George "Hay-rak- h-l l"
shouted the desperate customer, "a want
a fine tooth comb Hartford Kv Hsrud
An chronological poet out in ffeeyille,
Kansas, l. inspired to pen the following,
which, outside Of its high poetic merit,
posses great statistical merit
should million. into millions multiplied ",
With ten million times ten millions more.
Twould scarcely represent milloneth ut
The grasshoppers that pass our door"
An American Judge was obliged to sleep
with an lrIshman In a crowded hotel, when
the following conversation ensued. pat,
you would have remained a long time IN
the old country before You could have
slept with a Judge, would you not, Pat Nh
- es, yer honor, said Pat. ''aud | think
yer honor would have been a long time in
the ould country before yea been Judge,
too
CONSCIENCE. He that loses his consci-
ence has nothing left that is worth keep
ing Therefore, b. sure you look AZ that
And in the next place look to your health;
and # you have it, praise God, and value
It next to a good conscience; for health u
the second blessing that we mortals are
capable NJ, blessing that money cannot
buy; therefore value it and be thankful for
it.-I-aak Wditon.
When little johnny Pearl. who lived i'm
New Haven, was three years Old, his faith
er wss frequently called from home on
business. One evening, while he was ab-
sent on one of the Journeys, which took
him 70 Natchez Johnnys mother was
hearing his prayers, "Our Father Who ART"
&c, when Johnny raised his head from its
place on his mothers knee, and looking up
earnestly into her face, said, Mamma,
Johnnys tired saying 'our Father who art
IN heaven let's say our father who art i'll
Natche1'
During The ear ) part ef the late war, in
the year 1861 shortly after our army
moved from Washin 1ton out beyond sri
ington, the colonel Of An nnio regiment
noticed that boy shirked his usual drtna
whacks. He rode up to him and said
why don't you beat that drum HI col
onel, said the startled musician, 81 want
to speak TO you The colonel drew still
closer to him, and bending down his head,
said, "Well. what have you 20 say Hi The
drummer whispered, Colonel, I've gOt
couple of geese in here. The Colonel
Strengthened up and gravely Said, 'Well,
If you are sick and can't play, you
needn't, and then rode on. ID Is needless
10 say that the colonel had roast goose that
night. Weekly U'orker