davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
WHAT TEE WITS SAY.

= - sEt3f +
The Chicago Trs5ans asks, Does giant
farming pay2" Can't say; never raised
any.-Roekssssr Krprsss. S:
Iceland has broken out with several
small volcanoes. Too much Of the crater
is apt to produce eruptions.- Cineinsati
Times. f
The Boston Post says there are only A.
600 lawyers In this country. The Detroit
Free Prsss exclaims that it thought there
were !, 800. 900 with Texas to hear from.
Lets chip in and raise hundred dollars
for the Boston physician who says that it
is unhealthy to rise before the sum has
dispelled the morning fogs.-Dstroit Free
Press.
4 Bethlehem Centre man insists that he
set ont 1900 cabbages in fifteen minutes.
IL b weighs over 1e0 wa believe this. = If
be weighs less we think sta ztorsj iie.--
Rome ssstsnes.
The aged father Of Col. Gildersleeye
publishes card denying the statement
made by certain Irish papers that the
Colonel was born with a rifle in his mouth.
-Bafalo Esprsss. -gr ,, r
A man, and dog and loaded shot gum all
got over rail fence at time out in Serbia
one day last week. The family knew it
when the dog came home alone with blood
on his tail.-Fultos Times. .-s.....r....
Nebraska planted 100000 trees last
year. This may seem small number as
compared with Nebraska's necessities, but
it must be remembered that four horse
thieves can be hung on each tree.-Milseaas-
kee Sentinel s..--
Mark Twain, apropos Of new portable
mosquito net, writes that the day Is coming
"when we shall situnder our nets IN church
and slumber peacefully, while tine discom-
fited flies club together and take it out of
the minister a ..5 ... z.- s.....s
a new style of shirt collar is run with
led at the back, 30 if the button comes Oft
the shirt band the collar will not climb up
the back of the wearer's head every time
he stoops forward. This is equivalent to
equiping several hundred missionaries. -
D0sbary News.
A Clermont county man hid his wife's
false teeth in the coal shed to keep her
from going to sociable. She had to stay
home, but she wept and screeched and
told him, 81 more gan gate begiye you
know ah about my geefe, you migerable
bow-legged Fir! 1 coug tearge eyge out O.
CUR head, you nagty, mean, squaking
migerable sqoungrel!'' And so the poor
man didn't have such good time after all.
Cincinnati Saturday Night.
A colored man, employed as deck hand
on a propeller, was rushing around town
yesterday and inquiring where the polls
were. "Poils? polls?" repeated a citizen,
''why there's no election going on now"
'fThere hain'tP" "No, sir.'' The man
stood for moment looking greatly disap-
pointed, and then turned for the river with
the remark: "But now de programme is
to find dat sleek young man who said dey
was paying SO apiece for votes! "-Detroit
Free Press.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06

A NOVEL CosTEsT.-The bay promises
shortly TO be the scene Of q somewhat novel
eontest--that is . contestof power, not OF
speed. The owners Of the tngs Neptune
and Lockout, propose to lash them fast
TO each ether, stern to stern, and then head
ed in opposite directions, with full steam
on, decide which shall get away with the
other. The maerh is for 500 y side. A
contest Of the same kind with the new ting
Favorite, for Ike amount or more, Is also
spoken Of. The owners Of both OF the first
named boats offered ON Friday to cover any
sums she owners Of tho Favorite would put
down that either Of their boats would pun
The Fayorits stern foremost al over the
bay. As the owner sf tha Favorite ID not
disposed TO back down, the thing Is consid-
cred almost settled. San FrGHefseo Chron-
s1ye
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
EvE-ANaELIcAL CORNER.

= "
Babies are described as coupons attached
to the bonds of matrimony.
Mrs. Stonewall jackson owns an interest
in a cotton factory, receives her dividends
regularly and doesn't want to marry.
It has been demonstrated in Danbury
that it is easier to lug q double -barreled
gun for ten hours over . atwelve-miie swamp
than put up clothes line.
An Illonois woman who wanted to go to
. masquerade party as Mary, Queen of
Scots, looked through the bible to ascertain
how the character was dressed.
It is reported that fat woman In Oregon
recently shot her recreant lover with pis-
tol but we don t believe it. How could
really fat woman carry small arns2
The sultan of Turkey has eight hundred
wives, and every time Brigham Young
thinks Of it he gives his poor little SIXTY
three partners glance Of contempt and
pity.
The Buffalo E1prsss swoops down on DR..
Mary Walker like Gas it were) the wolf on
the fold, and utterly knocks her out of her
boots with the terrible name. i" philanthro-
pantaloonatic. -
But few women are SO handsome that
they can bear I'd hear another woman's
charms extolled, without looking around
for mirror to see if their crimps are
right. t.-BrooSlyn Argus.
They say that baby was born bald d-headed.
and that it seems old in voice though yonng
otherwise. But it has such o Sartoristo-
cratic way about it that its mother don't
feel like blaming it for those defects.
Philadelphia husbands are not allowed
the use Of night-keys, and when she clock
strikes ten, if they are not at home, the
grieved wife sobs out: ''Sarah, hand me my
bonnet and shawl and sword-cane. !"
Three old women and a lame man eonsti-
tute debating society at Dubuque. The
three old women live together, and their
chickens scratch up the lame mans garden.
The debate is held across the line fence.
9 A lady correspondent, who assumes to
know how boys ought to be trained, writes
to an exchange as follows: q Oh, mothers!
hunt out the soft, tender, genial side of
your boys nature. - Mothers often do
with an old shoe.
"Tm a-weary, a-weary, he cometh not
she said, and then she picked up the boot.
jack and laid in wait for him behind the
door, for it was after eleven o'clock, and
she had told him ifhe stayed out that late
she'd haste him.
"Jessie, what was Joe's arm doing round
your waist when you were at the front gate
last night9" asked a precocious Lebanon
boy of his sister. "His arm wasn't round my
waist: won belt from him, and he was
taking my measure, :" replied the idignant
young lady.
The rural Illinois woman has the senti-
ment and knows just now to express it.
A young Galena wife left this note pinned
up in the house addressed to her husband
"PREcIoUs: Have gone up to mothers
to get something good to eat; be sure to
take the medicine out of the right-hand
tumbler, and don't let the fire go down.
Bring home my new bonnet for Sunday, or
I'll quit your bed and board forever. Did
the seidlitZ powders do you any good?
Don't get any dirt on the floor and save
this pig pen. Your OwE CHUNK"
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
A Queer Matrimonial Bargain.

-. Atlanta fGa. j Constitution, June go ..
Some months ago young man and his
wife reached Atlanta from their old home
in Maryland, intending to cast their lot
among our people. Not succeeding in find
ing employment, the husband made up his
mind to try his fortune in the Black Hills,
and so told his wife. She objected most
strenuously, with tears and lamentations,
and begged him to desist, but he argued
the case so earnestly to her that she finally
yielded to his plans. After it was settled
that the parting should be had, it was that
the stipulations should be reduced to writ.
ing. An attorney of this city was accord
ingly visited and the singular document
drawn up. It was made as mutual bond
between them to keep before each their re-
spective duties. The terms we synopsis as
follows /:
/. He ID to be absent not more than two
years, whether good or ill-fortune betide
him, unless by unavoidable causes.
2. The wife is to return to their home in
Maryland and maintain herself from the
proceeds of her own service to her family
and the rents of piece of property be-
longing to her husband.
8. The property of the husband is con-
Yeyed to the wife, in a separate deed Of
gift, and in case Of death to revert to the
husband in the event Of his death before
h,s return, to be subject to her disposal.
4. Should their separation exceed the
time of the statutory laws Of the States
where each may be living wherein an APP
plication for divorce ON account of desertion
or failure to support be made, neither is to
take advantage of the fact.
8. He, if successful, is to remit to his
wife all the money over and above his needs
at stated intervals; to keep up as regular
correspondence as the mail will allow, and
return at the earliest possible time upon the
imperative summons Of his wife, she also
to go to him under similar circumstances.
The agreement was signed in triplicate
and duly witnessed. Each Of the parties
took copy, and the original remains in
the hands Of their attorney as its custodian.
On Wednesday, all their matters being ar
ranged, the husband divided their little
stock ofEmoney, giving his wife zone-half.
He also purchased ticket for her to Bal
timose, and she left for her home. The
parting between the couple was Of q very
distressing character. He left on Thursday
for Yankton, hoping from there to reach
the Black Hills. sss-gt 1ge
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
Paying for an Ecstatic Kiss.

a correspondent of an English paper
writes: a lady Of dazzling beauty sat in
front Of me, and Ldare say each passenger
felt that we were too tightly wedged to-
gether for such a warm day. A. gentleman
who had assisted the lady whose beauty
was so bewitching into the carriage, ,squeez-
ed himself with difficulty down at my left
side, that being the only available space !;
and from certain little attentions that pass
ed between them I concluded they were
husband and wife. As we rushed onward,
from the window my eyes glanced Ger the
most striking features of the landscape, and
I could not fer the soul of me keep from
taking an occasional peep at the " vision of
delight before me. 77 ,t
Suddenly the charming creature bent her
head toward the gentlemen onmy left, who,
nsthing 10th, bent forward to listen. az
wisE ne Nere fhrongh that horrid tunnel. -
said the Lady, in accents that thrilled me
like melody. CATER the first halt we will
reach it in few minutes don't be fright
ened, /" said the gentlemen, " at the tunnel
my dear. ~ After the eonfab, both assumed
their upright position, the whistle sounded,
our speed slackened, and finally we halted.
A. boy who sat next the gentleman ON my
left went out, which circumstance gave us
more room ana more comfort, as we did not
feel 30 jammed together, the gentleman
having moved little farther from me.
We started, and in no time entered the
tunnel and in the darkness of that tunnel,
whether in the body or out Of the body I
cannot tell, but this know, had a blessed
time indeed. A light little hand was laid
on my shoulder (; felt sweet, warm breath
fan my face and, heaven and earth, in a
moment Of time, a pair Of delicious, moist,
small lips were rubbing at mine, adjusting
themselves to that eestatic pressure that
intensifcation of sweetness which lips can
never express. This done, the little
hand slid down my arm, thrilling every
nerve in my hand. May the gentle
man ON my left ever remain in blissful ig-
norance of the mistake his better half made
in the darkness Of that tunnel! He was, as
I afterward learned, her accredited hus-
band. $3.50 s s s@42 tssf "a /
It is rather provoking to have to add that
next morning ga correspondent y had to
advertise a SIS reward for pocketbook
containing ten e5 notes, some private let
ters, a small bottle of hair dye, and atooth-
pick.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
FARMER JOHN.
BY J. T. TRowBRIDGE.

Home from his journey Farmer John
Arrived this morning safe and sound
His black coat off, and his old clothes on,
Now I'm myself" says Farmer Joan;
And he thinks g. I'll look around
Up leaps the dog " Get down. you pup!
Are you 30 glad you would eat me up ~
The old cow lows at the gate to greet him
"Well, well, old Bay!
Ha, ha, old Gray!
Do you get some feed when am away?
You have not rib! says Farmer John;
The cattle are looking round and sleek;
The colt is going to be roam.
Wen wean the calf next week.
Says Farmer John, when I've been of
To call you again about the trough.
And watch you, and pet you. while you drink
Is greater comfort than You think!
And he pats old Bay,
And he slaps old Gray;
All, this is the comfort of going away
For, after all, says Farmer John,
The best of ajourneY is getting home
I've seen great sights but would give
This spot, and the peaceful life live,
For all their Paris or Rome?
These hills for the citys stiied air,
And big hotels all hustle and glare
Land all houses and roads all stones,
That deafen your ears and bat ter your bones
Would you, old Bay?
Would you, old Gray
That's what one gets by going away.
There money is King, says Farmer John;
And fashion is Queen and its mighty queer
To see how some times, while the man
Raking and scraping all he can,
The wife spends every year
Enough you would think for scoie of wives,
Tokeep them in luxury alt their lives
The town is o perfect Babylon
To quiet chap says Farmer John.
You see old Bay,
You see, old Gray,
I'm wiser than when went away.
I've found this ont, says Farmer Jehn,
That happiness is not bought and sold,
And clutched in life of waste and hurry.
In nights of pleasure and days of worry,
And wealth isn't all in gold, 2 -
Mortgage and stocks and ten per cen t.,
But in simple ways and sweet content,
Few wants, pure hopes and noble ends,
Some lend to till and few good friends
Like you, old Bay,
And you, old Gray,
That's what I've learned by going away.
And happy man is Farmer John,
o. a rich and happy man is he!
He sees the peas and pumpkins growing,
The corn in tassel, the buckwheat blowing,
And fruit on vine and tree.
The large, kind oxen look their thanks
As he rubs their forcheads and strokes their flank
The doves light round him and strut and COO;
Says Farmer John, Ill take you, too;
And you, old Bay,
And you, old Gray,
Next time travel 30 far awaY!
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
The Lords Prayer.

Here 10 something curious for you. 1t is
the Lords Prayer in the English OF former
times, and it shows how the language has
changed: s&
OLD ENGLISH FORMS OF THE LORDS
PRAYER.
5' A. d. 1858.
Fader ure in heune, haleeweide beoth thi
neune, cumen thi kuneriche thi willie beoth
idon in huene and In. The eueryeh dave
bried gif ous thilk dave. And worzif ure
Bettes as vi vorzifen ure dettoures. And
Iene Gus nought into temptation, bot dely-
vorof uvel Amen.
A. D. 1900.
Fadir oure in hevene, Halewyd by hi
name, thi kingdom come. Thi willie be done
as in heyene and in erthe. Oure urche
dayes bred give us to-day. And forgive us
our dettes, a. we forgive our dettoures.
And leds us not into temptation, Bote de-
lyvere US of yvel. Amen. 8
,@a 9s a. d. 1852.
7 oyr father which art in heaven, saetifed
be thi name. Let thi kingdom come. Thy
viii be done, as in heaven in earth also.
Glue w to-day our super substantial bread.
And lead us not into temptation. But de-
iiuer US from evil. Amen. ssa
Y &@ A. d. 1911. e9 @
Our father which art In heauen, haliowed
be thy Name. Thy kingdom come. Thy
win be done in earth as it il in heaven.
Gieue MS this day our dayly bred. And
forgiue vs. our debss as we forgiue oar
debtors. And lede W not into temptation,
but deliuer vs from euil., For thine Is the
kingdome, and the power and the glory
for euer. Amen @s5
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06

An iron mountain, aivalling Its Mis-
scuri nalnesake, has been discovered sixty
miles North Of Dulnth, Minnesota. Il is
eight miles long, one and . halfmilea wide,
and, 1.e0o feet above the level OF Lake sa-
perior.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06

THE poLLYMoUNT sHoor1No.

AAG 0SAAX MOONx SHUTTING.
From the New York Graphic
To Dollymount, the other day,
The people fockcd in fine stray,
To see the men from Amertcay
Who strive with the Irish 10 shootin',
There was Paddy o'Hare and Crowner Ned
And one-eyed. bletherin' Piper Ted,
Wild Biddy and Nora, the swate red-head,
An the DEVILS own roarin' and tootin.
Phillaloo, hubbaboo, whack hurrah,
Star-Spangled Banner and Erin go Brah,
The rousinest time that liver you saw
Was Doymount crackin' the rifles.
Oh foine was the sight on Dublin Bay,
While the waves rolled cool and the azure BAY
Was alive wild boats wild their streamers gay,
Skimmin' like birds Ger the waters.
The roads were filed all the world was there,
You'd thought twas the opening of DonDybrook
Fair,
In a coach and six rode the ould Lord Mayor,
His wife and them oolleens his daughters.
oh the Irish te am was fair to view,
And they'd beaten the Scotch and the English, too
And the 'Merican boys-what hullabaloo
There was when saw them standin'.
We shouted hurrah for Americay,
AM the best team here may it win the day,
An devil a fear of any foul play ....
When the Irish boys take a.hand in.
Chorus.
Hurrah for the Yankees! the day they have won
Such shootin' there never was under the sun
Since the day when the Ouid Boy first handled gum
And brought about death and destruction,
And hurrah for ould Erin, for once in a way
She rejoices to see the black gunpowder play
In the hands of the stranger by fair Dublin Bay,
And he beats in friendlyloike ruction.
Chorus.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
Bs'c-A-BRAc.

An English journal says: "a decidedly
novel invention has been suggested during
the last few days. 1t is to afix lamps 10
the telegraphs by the side of the railways,
and enable the telegraph clerksat the near
est station tolight them by electricity when-
ever there is danger on the line, the idea
being that as soon as the driver of train
saw these lights burning he would bring
his engine to stand-still, and remain stand
ing until he received instructions TO pro-
ceed.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06

Ii isn't al all likely that any one but a
Detroit merchant would have thought OF 1t,
and the laws Of this country should have
been SO made that he could have secured
acopyright or patent. For years past he
has been d close reader Of the papers, and
he has noticedthat every thrashing machine
manages to chew UP from fiyeIto twenty
farmers In the courss Of the season. This
year he has laid in an extra stock Of goods
and prepared 4 circular for general dis.
tribution throughout the agricultural dis
tricts. It reads: te
sat DETRofT, July, 1876.
z Mrs. --:: Sometime within the next
two months your husband win very likely
be mangled to death by q thrashing ma
chine, even If lie escapes other accidents.
Permit me II advance to cfsr you my heart
felt sympathies In you hour Of dark sorrow,
and TO hope that his unfortunats dernise
win IL the end be your gain. Providence
moves in mysterious ways. Man coneth
up IKEA flower and Is cut down. In the
midst of life we are in death. While we
rejoice in our strength, weakness creepeth
slyly upon Us. wish in this connection 10
inform you that / have an extra large stock
Of merning goods this year. and having
purchased them for cash, while the market
was depressed, am enabled 10 offer you
close figures. My stock ID complete in al
fs,s.. SO g.. y, s.kA,.
The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-08-06
TEENS Payable Invariably il advance.
NEWsPApER nEcIsTnNs.

One Year %
SIX Months. - - .,,,,... o.
Three 50
New-York tribune., 1875-09-24
THE OLD FOLKS HOLIDAY.


Our neighbOrs of Philadelphia, assuredly,
have a genius for charity. Their money not
only flows steadily into the ordinary channels
of almsgiving in great city, and into the
treasures of great asylums and training schools
where people are helped to help themselves,
but they startle us every now and then with
some odd pathetic bit OF kindness, in which
the weakness or wants of poor human nature
are tenderly considered and cared for 1t is
in Philadelphia that the poorer children, en-
n,asse, are taken out for one day in October on
a grand nutting party, the nuts in the sixteen
miles of park woods having been carefully pro-
tected for them. 1t was in Philadelphia that an
invalid woman, just after the war. while the State
was paying tribute to her heroic dead had
thought to spare to the widows of these heroes
and of the children whom the scanty pension
would not educate; and it was owing to her
efforts that the State took these children and
cared for them as their dead fathers would
have DONE Offering as their memorial of the
dead, instead of stone monuments, living men
and women, qualified to be helpful workers
for the country. In short, all sorts of benevO-
lent notions have so taken root and fiOurished
among As good Quakers that however formal
New-York tribune., 1875-09-24

and cool their welcome may be to healthy
well -to-dO people, one has only need 10 oc
ailing in mind or bOdy-lame, blind, dumb, or
idiotic-to find some especial door open and
table within ready plenished.
Last week the object of the hospitable care
of the city was class which the world and
even their friends have long ago suffered TO slip
ont of sight and out of mind. We mean poor
old men and women, whose years have passed
the limit of threcscOre and ten, and who hnd
life beyond, whatever their comforts, Dut
labor and sorrow. The gray-headed old bodles
whom these good people chose to honor the
other day were those who had no pleasures
and few comforts they were sought out
of the alleys, tenement houses, and miserable
garrets, where they vegetated year In ana
out, forgotten and unmissed. They were
driven in state to the Park, shown the prom
ised wonders of the Centennial, green WOODS,
and sunny slope, and glancing river, feasteu
on every delicacy which their entertainers
could devise, entreated in every way with
tender, liberal hospitality not the least sign
of which was the presence of physicians, TO
whom tbey could descant at length on their
ailments, and of listeners who encouraged
them to tell their old stories, to their hearts
content. =,
We adverted to this holiday for the Old
folks last year, and recur to it with more
hearty qualification as our neighbors appear TO
have made of it a permanent custom. IL may
seem a trifling matter that few old people
should find one day taken out of their dull
lives and made beautiful and joyous as a re-
membrance of their youth, but to them 1t Is no
trihe; and to us all it is significant as an In
dcation of the wider and more wholesome ana
sweeter condition Of society within tho last
few wears. In the last generation almsgiving
was a matter regulated by the individual or
the taxpayer; now society has so thoroughly
recognized the care of its helpless members as
part of its daily work that a kindly whim such
as this scarcely calls for notice.