The Van Buren press., 1875-02-23

81 Louis Republican.
--Its reported that man went home
about three O'Clock one morning, and
using shs umbrella for billiard cue,
smote his sleeping wife in the short rib,
crying "poolH and sunk into sweet
slumber. He has since explained to his
wife that women can have no idea ho~
the cares of business will sometimes af
feet man brain.
AS Lavender, the other day. at din.
ner. g,tzed iniently into his plate. he re-
marked: . Only woman's hair! It's
very sentimental, no doubt, but som
how it gets away with my appetite"
Two medical societies met in Port.
land, the other day A carload Of grave
stones also arrived during the day. II Is
srre"re'-'i..'' IA AT ar,, n fitness Of things
"A three year old saw drunken man
tacking" through the street. Mother
said he, !" did God make that man 2" She
replied in the Affirmative The little fell
low reelected moment, and then exclai.
med, :" | wouldn't have done it,"
-" I'm going where won't have 10
cook beans was the farewell sentence
Of an Ohio woman who left this vale Of
tears few days since.
1t is very common thing in this
city, says an exchange, to see an old
party walking home very straight, at
about two o'clock in the morning: and
another common thing, too, is to hear
somebody, after this old man has stag
gered into the house, yelling I" Lemmo
up, old woman, lemme up
oh, I've loved before said De
! troit woman to her fourth husband, as
she took handful OF hair from his head
because he objected to hang ont the
weeks washing,
A constable attempted to levy ON .
| Rhode Island womans sewing machine
month ago. and he isn't out OF bed
yet. She struck with her foot.
-" Helen was proud said an Indi-
ana widowcr Of his late wife, " and she
was great worker. You ought to have
stood by and see her jerk bedstcad
down and 20 for bugs
"A Maryland man whose wife drop
ped dead few days ago. had the fune-
raj put Off one day longer to get the bal
ance OF his corn husked. He said it
would make any difference to her, and she
was always good natnred,
Here's another loughmcstic difcul.
sy," said a Brooklyn woman as she found
her bread heavy. at sN
"A New Haven man confessed that he
married his wife because she was good
carver. That's the kind Of help meat
every mad wants. rwray y,fe.r.e !.
"A Newark chap, who, on short ac-
quaintance, married a widow, ran away
when he discovered that she was the mo-
ther of twenty two children. a{0A ye
"A pilot on the Mississippi, Telegraph
ed to his wife in New Orleans, "ice.
bound, my dear" Her reply was, Dear
Hubby Take blue mass at night, and
Sediitz powder in the morning" :.
"A female lawyer at Wyoming was
obliged to suspend her argument before
a Justice, in order.to sdminister TO tho
wants of her baby. who was bawllng Tor
his dinner in an adjoining room. "a uot
old man Wheeler, OF Minnesota
wants u divorce from his wife. She ssus
him down cellar onenight last week aiserl
a bottle of yeast. lie got II and Was
trudging along up stairs. thinking OF no.
thing in particular, when the bottle -ex
ploded, soaring Wheeler so that he feii
with one great whoop down IN soap
barrel under the stairs. When they pull
ed him out he pranced around yelling,
Cuss a wife; cuss yeast; cuss tho
whole on yer AND. the lawyers say he
has got good case. fnUti-sr
An old lady on hearing thata young
friend had lost his place on account OF
misdemeanor exclaimed Miss Demea.
nor! Lost his place on account Of Miss
Demeanor! Well...we,l, I'm afraid its