davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
afeehly Trinity Journal.
Weaverville, Sept. l9, 1875.

GETTING RID OF A BoRE.-A lawyer
Of more than local repute had for long
time suffered from the annoyance of an
intolerable bore. Old G. was known to
everybody as Cabling, meddlesome
creature, without grace or modesty, who
invaded the sanctity Of every Office, peer
ed into private papers, gave his opinion
unasked, whoever might be present, and
in brief made a chronic nuisance of him
self. Vexed at last beyond measure, the
lawyer determined to give the party such
a thrust as would pierce his elepbantine
hide. Turning blandly upon c., one af
ternoon, in the midst Of half dozen eli
ents, after a series of borish aggravations
he said
My dear Mr.. c., you must have
observed that my office is well arranged
for the purposes for which it is designed.
It"
"Oh, yes, have often noticed that"
the bore pleasantly interrupted, thinking
probably that the counselor was about to
express a sense Of qualification in having
him there.
1t is warm, shady, well lighted, and
well ventilated"
Yes, yes, an unusually fine Office"
"And well furnished with chairs tables,
books and stationery. Then, too, have
an elegant house up town"
Yes, indeed !" the old fellow chuck
led, rubbing his hands in the prospect of
an invitation to dine with lawyer. "a
beautiful, Jeaa-ttJat house, l have often
heard"
"Yes, it is, if l do say it. 1t has an
abundance of room, gas, and water, all
over it. 1t is splendidy furnished, and
very recherche as the French would
say"
ave no doubt of it" softly murmured
the victim.
"That place cost me fifty thousand
dollars if it did a cent. have excellent
servants, and they do say | give good
dinners"
"Ah, yes, / know you do"
"Now these places, Mr.. c., both my
Office and my house, are specially intend
ed for the use Of my lriends-for their
business and pleasure"
Yes, so / infer"
" For my Jriends, sir !" continued the
lawyer, garing fercely into the eyes Of
the astonished c., and bringing his
hand thundcringly down upon the table,
"nnd by George, sir, I DON'T want to see
yoH dt either place :"
lie never did after that.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

AN AFFAIR AT SoUsE GREER AT n
place bearing the remarkable name of
80 Ise Creek, Moore county, Tennessee,
religious meeting was seriously disturb
ed few days ago. The preacher was
holding forth to the congregation the ne
cessity Of living good lives, as a preacher
should when up to the door of the build
ing rode a man named Wagner, whose
melon patch had been invaded by some
unknown person few days previously.
Wagner as he rode up, called out to a
young man named Casey, saying:
You are the young man I've been
looking for" and then added, 81 under
sta d you deny being in my watermelon
patch"
Casey promptly replied: Yes, I do
deny it; was not there"
The result of this answer was that Mr..
Wagner denounced Casey as a liar, and
as the latter was rising from his seat, shot
him dead. The meeting was 50 inter-
rupted by this interesting episode that tho
preaching closed and several men set out
in pursuit of Wagner. AT last accounts,
me had not been caught, and may not be
captured at all, though it should be stated
that even at Souse Creek it is considered
quite reprehensible to disturb religious
meating in such a manner.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

OUT on A FoUL.-The Curtis Street
No-stockings and the North May Street
MutuaIs (,econd nine) played an interest
ing game yesterday OH the street of the
latter club Some very heavy batting
was done. Smiley, of the No-stockings
struck hot liner in the latter part Of the
seventh inning tight over the right fields
head into II grocery window, by which 10
home runs were scored, one by each
member OF the two mines, and one by the
scorer. They would have scored twenty
one, only IA policeman happened to be
passing by, and, assisted 10y the glocer's
boy, he made brilliant double play. ana
took in the other scorer and the uin pire.
No decision has yet been given, but the
umpire is expected to render one to-
morrow, as soon as the police justice has
reprimanded and discharged him. CHI
cage Times.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
LAW OF NEWSPAPERS.

L. Subscribers who do not give ex-
press notice to the contrary, are consider
ed as wishing to continue their subscrip-
ton.
2. If subscribers wish their papers dis
continued, publishers may continue to
send them until all charges are paid.
3. If fsubscroers neglect or refuse to
take their papers from the office or place
to which they are sent, they are held re-
sponsible until they settle their bills and
give due notice to discontinue.
4. If subscribers move to other places
without informing the publisher, and the
paper is sent 20 the former direction they
are held responsible. Notice should al
ways be given of the removal.
5. The courts have decided, that refts-
ing to take paper from the Office, or re-
moving and leaving it uncalled f,r, is pri-
ma facie evidence Of intentional fraud
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

GREAT MINDS. Two ranchers were
playing seven-up, says the Austin Re
0eit(e, and as one Of them delt the cards,
he said; 1.-The American Government
is Il government of the people," "Itu up
holds nigge:s and Cinnamon" said the
other, rs he led the deuce of trumps. The
first speaker gently saved his jack on the
deuce and remarked, =" It's the best gov
ernment on the green yearth thar's the
nee o. clubs - play to that! "Do you
uphold government that encourages
Cinnamon and niggers 2" asked the 9TH
er. Yes, just as sure us the Lord made
Moses six and six and your deal" said
his opponent. The man who took the
side of the Government, won the whisky.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

AN OLD FOOL.-The Cohoes IN. Y y
bulletin says there is residing on Har-
mony street, Cohoes, man aged seven
fy-fve years. who has not spoken to his
wife in twelve years. lie has been mar
ried fifty years. has an amiable wife, and
several children and grandchildren, and
considerable property. The old man and
wife lived together happily until about
twelve years ago, when one morning the
wife care down stairs, and ralutrd her
husband in gentle manner, n, was her
won't to do, but 10 her astonishment he
made no reply. She spoke to him again
and again, but Away with the same ef
feet, and ever since that July morning,
in 1868, the Old man has never opened his
lips to his wife. He always speaks IA
miliarly TO the rest OF the family and his
friends, but on no occasion, or under any
consideration would he speak one word to
his wife
He always treats her with gentleness
| and kindness, always provides for her
wants with the most scrupulous care, but
not one word can be coaxcd out of his
lips to refer to his strange way Of treating
her. His wife and himself eat at the
same table, walk to church size by side,
yet not one word has escaped that mans
lips, during the past twelve years, to that
woman. His little granddaughter lives
with him, and through her he knows his
wife's wants, and no request Of hers is
left unheeded Several friends of the
family tired repeatedly to fathom his
strange action, but found it impossible to
do so
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
HOW THE OLD MAN TOLD HER.

With the intuition Of her kind, his wife
knew be had something on his mind, as
soon as he threw his coat on a chairback
and sat down without yelling out:
Wherea thunder's that wash basin,
to-day ?"
John, dear, what's the matter with
you ?"
Nothn'. What do you stare at me
that way for? Do look like case OF
cholera infantum ?"
mo, but you've got something on
your mind. Won't yoO tell me? Now,
do, that's good old dear"
"lIain't got nothing on my mind, |
tell you but wish had something on
my stomach. Amt that supper almost
ready ?"
Yes, in ii moment but tell me, won't
you ?"
IT'S notbin', tell you; and you'd
not be interested in it,"
John Henry Carpenter, if you don't
tell me all about it this minute, l. II make
you soak your feet in hot water every
night for Il week declare | will"
"'Oh l wish you'd go away, and get
that supper; what do you care about Il
man committing suicide at Cape May ?"
"Suicide ?-Cape May-who, which,
why, what, John ? Oh F.! tell me. Good
gracious why that's where Uncle
Gauzybrains is spending the Summer +"
That's the old puddin head exactly"
Hung himself2"
Who said anything about hanging
himself? ?"
Well, then, shot, throat cut, drown
ed anything only tell me what has
happened to the poor SOUL" and she fair
| ly danced around the room, between II
cry and swear, in the intensity Of her
curiosity.
an tell you, then. You see, owing
to the great depression in nearly every
branch Of trade, and the utter stagnation
in the channels Of currency and perfect
cessation of demand, there has been"
Just then she grabbed chair, with
"marital homicide " in her eye and John
came down to facts.
Easy, Martha Jane, said he you see
the old man, it seems, has kind o. had
canker worms around the heart for some
time past, and yesterday he got himselfa
revolver, and a can of turpentine, and II
rope, and box Of matches, and dose Of
arsenic, and went down to where big
tree growed out over the sea-"
"And shot himself?"
"No."
"And pi>ened-"
No such thing"
Hung him"
TEL you he didn't"
Well, then, what in sin did he do -
He Just took and soaked his clothes
with turpentine, and swallowed the poi
son and put tho rope from limb around
his neck, and set fire to his clothes, and
with the revolver cooked ut his head,
jumped off, and"
Blowed his head OFF,"
"If you don't shut up !" and he looked
flatirons at her. "No, he didn't do any
thing OF the kind. You see, the pistol
went off too quick and cut the rope, then
he dropped into the sen, and that put the
fire out, and swallow Of salt water made
him throw all the poison up, and when he
found he couldn't touch bottom, he got
scared and swan ashore"
"Aud he didn't"
"No, he didn't; but he'll be here to
supper directly and that's what I'm wait
ing for"
But this morning John explained to his
friends that the reason his hat wouldn t
fit him was, he believed, he was going to
have cnrbuncle on his head - EdSton
III &c Press.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

SWALLOWED SPECTACLEs.-A 4 Paris
correspondent writes Another rival of
the man who swallowed fork last year
has just come to hand. A poor fellow Of
the name of Vent has been admitted TO
the hospital here on account Of having
swallowed pair of spectacles. 1t seems
that he partook one day rather freely of IL
dish of mushrooms, and having reason
after eating them to suspect that they
were poisonous, he attempted to bring on
a fit Of vomiting. Not succeeding in his
first effort, he renewed the attempt by
thrusting his spectacles down his throat.
A gasp-a gulp-down went the spccta-
Giles and there they remain Mt the present.
AS the frames are of silver no danger of
poison is apprehended, but the poor fell
lows condition is, nevertheless, desper-
ate one.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

RATHER MIXING THINGS He had
heard two conundrums down town. One
is Why don't the devil learn to
skate ?" which is answered How in
hell can he ?" and the other, Why
don't they build mills on the Lower
Mississippi" is answered, " Why, dam
1t, they can't"
He carried them home uppermost in
his mind, and smiled 20 think how he
would puzzle the friends who were to as
sem Bile at his parents silver wedding on
that evening. During the dinner hour
the family noticed he had something on
his mind, and asked him about it, but he
simply told them to wait till night, and
they'd see.
When night came, and the crowd had
assem- bled, he began to itch for chance
TO PROFOUND a conundrum. 1t finally
came and in the midst OF II painful silence
he roared out: why don't they build
mills on the Lower Mississippi ?"
The conundrum wasn't as old then as
it is now, and nobody could answer it.
Even il they could, it would have been
cruel to do so, and spoil it, so everybody
gave it up.
Why, how in hell can they ?" said
he, and then he lay back in his chair and
laughed as if he had done something
wonderfully smart.
All hands began looking for the point,
but couldn't find it.
His church going aunt keeled over and
fninted away and he was about to say =
"I've got n mate for that one" when his
father hit him in the mouth with a rock
ing-chair.
He went to bed sad.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

FIRST THEY DID, AND THEN THEY
DIDHT.- While reading the many good
things in these columns, correspondent
is reminded Of a joke that happened in
Philadelphia last Winter. Three or four
boys were engaged in cleaning off the
sidewalk in front of a house, when lady
approached them, and asked if either OF
them was the one who had cleaned off
her walk the day before. Each one, see
ing another job in view, claimed to be the
Identical boy who had served her. q
did it, ma'am." "No, ! did it," "No,
it was me, ma'am.,' "Are you sure 2"
asked the lady. "Oh, yes'm." "Then
give me the remainder Of that two-dolar
bill ] gave you to get changed" she said
stcrnly. This was an unexpected wet
blanket and each one was quite as earnes:
in denying as he had been in claiming to
be The one who did the job.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

EGGs AND FINANcIAL WISDOM. She
said she'd take II dozen eggs, but while
the grocer was counting them out, she
asked the price. On being told, she
shrieked out
Seventeen cents ! "
" Yes, madam
Why, that's outrageous !"
" Well, it's hard times and everything
is up"
She sat down on IL sugar barrel, sighed
several times and asked ii eggs were like
ly to be lower or higher.
81 don't clpim to be Il prophet" he
replied as he twisted sheet of paper into
the shape Of funnel, "but | dare say
they'll be down to sixteen and half
cents inside Of a week, and, perhaps, go
lower. Trade which is naturally depres-
sed during July and August, is looking
up little. Our exports of gold are now
equaled by our imports. The calling in
OF bonds puts more ready money anoat,
and capitalists are much more hopeful
this week than last. The crops are about
ready to move, navigation prospects are
brighter, and the public confidence in
financial measures is rapidly returning.
One thing moves around another, you
see, and though, MS l said before, am
not tinancier, and my predictions are
hot entitled to any great weight, it seems
clear to me that eggs have got to come
down. A great current of eggs is setting
toward this point, from dozen different
points and even if the calling in Of bonds
and the sales of surplus gold don't pro.
duce lower prices, cannot see why fig
ures should 60 up"
She reached into the pickle barrel, nip
ped II cucumber, and went away wonder
ing why her husband never knew any
thing.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

YOUTHFUL IMAGINATIoN VIOLENTLY
CHECKED When Mis-. b. returned
home from shopping yesteadny, she en-
tered upon scene Of thrilling horrors
being enacted in the back yard.
In the center Of the yard dry goods
box was in flames and the baby was lying
in front Of it, squalling Justify from heat
and fright. Down behind the currant
bushes were two Of The neighbolhood
boys, skuking around with painted faces
chicken feathers in their hair, and bows
in their hands, while her hopeful son had
on his fathers moccasin slippers, his cap
turned wrong side out upon his head and
and an old army gun in bis hand. He
was creeping along with evident murder
Gus intent, toward the rOosters behind the
bushes.
What on earth is the matter ?" cried
the alarmed lady.
"Sh! sh !" snid her hopeful, "don't
you see them lngin- has burned down
Hawkinses cabin, and nearly killed his
baby, burned up the family, and | IN the
Lean Wolf going to bring down vengince
on the heads of the vnrmints "
But in about fifteen seconds after, he
went down to the wood pile, wishing he
was the fat woman in the museum or the
big medicine man Of the Pawnecs. He
had been reading an Indian tale in New
York paper, you see.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
1875.

Who'll press for gold this crowded street
A hundred years to come?
Who'll tread yon church with willing feet
A hundred years to cone
Pale, trembling age, and fiery youth,
And childhood with his brow Of truth,
The rich, the poor, on land, on sea,
Where will the mighty millions be,
A hundred years to como?
We all within our graves shall sleep,
A hundred years to come.
No living soul for US will weep,
A hundred years to come.
But other men our lands will till,
And others then our streets will fill
And other birds will sing as gay,
And bright the sunshine as to-day,
A hundred years to come.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

A COUNTRY clergyman, justrccoyeling
from the effects Of severe boil upon his
nose, stopped an urchin near Fort Green
yesterday, and asked him the way to the
corner OF Fulton and Clinton streets. The
lad glanced at him suspciou>ly II moment
and said We'll, yer needn't go there,
Mister, there amt no gin mill on tnat
corner. Brooklyn Argus.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

FLATs.-" What are the flats of the
alter ?" asked little girl who had been
reading about the scenery of II new piece.
Her sister did not quite understand the
technical term, but supposed the flats
were the young men who estlanged their
capillary substance on the forehead cen
ter and the old men who were bald, seen
on the front seats Of the pit when the bal
lnt ,,,nc
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

THE STYLE Down EAST Father
Ryan used the following language in
recent lecture at New Orleans, describing
the habits Of people of different sections
under similar prOVocation
Here, il one man calls another liar,
a duel is the result. In the West, it you
call man liar, he knocks you down.
In New York, be will call you another.
But away down East, if the tenn is used
the retort will be, I'm bet you five cents
you can'tprovei !" Ancx- Confederate
soldier, writing To the New Orleans
Times, criticiscs this bosh in the following
manly style: Perhaps il he had stood
as many Of us aid, on those long days of
Fredericksburg and Gettysburg, under
the dire Of Maine aud Massachusetts regi-
ments, he would have been inspired with
II little mole respect for Yankees"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

ELEGANT FEMALES. The most hid
eous women in the world are said to live
in the valley Of Spit, which is mount
Inbound, almost inaccessible place, H.
600 feet above the sea, among the Hima-
layas. Their features are large and
coarse, the expression OF their faces usual
ly natural grimacc, and they wearrings
in their noses. They dress in thick tunics
aud trowsers, and their heavy boots that
come above the knee, are often filed with
flour around their leg, for warmth.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

SATISFACTORY: Devoted Lowers
| love your daughter; all that is neces-
sary to complete our happiness is your
blessing. Stern Parent-No, sir, my
daughter has got to marry n wealthy
man. Devoted Lover-I am one of the
guagers indltcd by the Grand Jury.
Stern Parent Take her. Bless you, my
children. - MipdUkce Nc,cS
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

IT is too frequently the case for papers
Of II low order Of intellect to ridicue the
college graduate as useless and helpless
individual. Mr.. Avery, OF Yale, how
ever, graduated only month ago, and
already has secured position of trust, at
salary of $500 year. 1t is ms pitcher
OF a professional base ball nine.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

PooR AND Proud. Says determined
young lady: "Dresses are long, this
season, and shoes are high stockings
can do without, but earrings ! must
have"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
Pleasant and Profitable Emn,ov.

nent.-" Beautiful - Charming !" " oh,
how lovely !" "What are they worth % 6e'
Such are exclamations by those who see the
large elegant New Chromo3 produced by the
European and American Chrome Publishing
Company. They are all perfect Gems of Art.
NJ one can resist the temptation to buy whom
seeing the Chromos. Canvassers, Agents and
ladies and gentlemen out OF employment will
find this the best opening ever offered for maxi
ing money. For full particulars, send stamp
Tor confidential circular. Address i. GLEA-
sun CO., 71S Washington st. Boston, Mass.
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

A BEAUTY at Long Branch was lately
weighed in her promenade costume, and
turned the scales ut l65 pounds. In her
bathing dress she weighed I05 pounds,
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
CHICAGO AND NORTHWESTERN
AL l. w A Y.
THISIS BEST ROUTE EAST.

It's track is of STEEL RAILS, and on it has
been made the FASTEST time that has ever
been made in this country. By. TINS route
passengers for points east OF chicago nave
choice of the following lines from Chicago;
BY THE PITTSBURG, FORT WAYNE AND
CHICAGO AND PENNS1 LN ANA
RAILWAYS.
o THROUGH TRAINS DAILY, with Pull
. man Palace Cars through to Philadelphia
and New York on each train.
I THROUGH TRAIN, with Pullman Palace
J. Cars to Baltimore and Washington.
BY THELAKE SHORE AND MICHIGAN
SOUTHERN RAILWAY AND CONNEC-
TIONS NEW YORK CENTRAL AND
ERIE kAILR0ADS):
. THROUGH TRAINS DAILY, with Palace
. Drawing Room and Silver Palace Sleeping
Cars through to New York.
BY THE MICHIGAN CENTRAL, GRAND
TRUNK, GREAT WESTERN AND ERIE
AND NEW YORK CENTRAL RAIL
WAYS:
. THROUGH TRAINS, with Pullman Pal
oace Drawing Room and Sleeping Cars thro'
to New York, to Niagara Falls, Buffalo, Roch-
ester, or New rk City.
BY BALTIMORE AND OHIO RAILROAD:
. THROUGH TRAINS DAILY, with Pull
Wheeling, Washington and Baltimore without
change
This is the SHORTEST, BEST and only
line running Pullman celebrated PALACE
SLEEPING CARS AND COACHES, connect
ing with Union Pacific Railroad at OMAHA
and from the WEST, via Grand Junction,
Marshall, Cedar Rapids, Clinton, Sterling
and Dixon, for CHICAGO AND THE EAST.
This popular route is unsurpassed for Speed,
Comfort and Safety. The smooth, well-bal-
lasted and perfect track of steel rails, the eel
ebrated Pullman Palace Sleeping Cars, the
perfect Telegraph System of moving trains,
the regularity with which they run, the adn,i-
ra0le arrangement for running through ears
to Chicago from all points Vest secure to
passengers all the comforts in modern Railway
Travelling. No changes of Cars, and no tedi-
Gus delays at Ferries.
Passengers will find Tickets via this favorite
route at the General Ticket Ulce Of the Cen
trail Pacific Railroad, Sacramento.
Tickets for sale in all the Ticket Offices Of
the Central Pacific ;airoad.
w. II. STEN n EFT, Gen. Pas Agent.
MARTIN HUGHITf, Gen Sup.
II. p. STANWO0D, General Agency, III
Montgomery street, San Francisco. aug-l0-ly
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

GRATITUDr.-A bachelor made will
leaving his property TO the girls who had
refused him: :" For to them l owe all
my earthly happiness"
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
Ayers Ague Cure,

FOR THE SPEEDY RELIEF OF
Fever and Ague, Intermittent Fever
Chill Fever, Remittent Fever Dum'
A%ue, Periodical or Bilious Fever
DC, and indeed all the affeetiolss
which arise from nlalariOus, marsA
or miasmatic pOisOns,
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18

lible. The shakes, or chills, once broken
1T, do not return until the disease is contrae'''
again. This has made it an accepted reincu'
and trusted specific, for the Fever ana hs''
of the West, and the Chills and Fevers OIL 'u'
South.
Ayers Ague Cure eradicates the noAiO'.
poison from the system, and leaves the pa'''I
as we'll as before the attack. II thorough
expels the disease, so that no Liver ComPlA,nE
rheumatism. Neuralgia, Dysentery OF poD.
ity follow the cure. Indeed, where plsoia~
of the Liver and Bowels have occurred NV
Miasmatic Poison, it removes the cau.V
them and they disappear Not only ;" !,
effectual cure, but, If taken occaslOnai! Il.
patients exposed to malaria, 1t will expe'" ral, y"
poison and protect them from attack. li"
ers ands temporary residents in fevei n,
Ague localities are thus enabled to ae'' =.
disease. The General Debility which is'v%
to ensue from continued exposure 10 iii"''
and miasm, has no speedier remedy u.,,
For Liver Complaint it is an e1ce's
remedy.
PREPARED BY
DIR. j. G. AVER t& CO.. Lowell
Practical and analytical Chf"'''
Sold by all Druggists and Dealers in Meu''''
CRANE & BRIGHAM,
Wholesale Agents. ,CaL
San Francisco o''
Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-09-18
NEW WEED
SEWING MACHINES.
THE LAST AND THE BEST

The WEED Sowing Machine Company hau
now at last completed their three STANDARD
Styles of