, 1875-09-05

Joshun W18 the first man to Stop newspaper.
He stopped the daily sun L was because the
war news didn't suit him
The Rector Of the Episcopal Church in STRAIT
ford, Conn, last Sunday morning gave not'ce
that owing to the ''peculiar surroun dlngs the
evening services would be omitted. he referred
to the mosquitoes.
A chlld, when told that God is everywhere.
aaked: "In this room7" "Yes." " IN the
closet 2" Yes" TN the drawers Of my
desk?" ssYes. everywhere. " Hes in your
pocket now 'sNo. he ain't. though" "And
yhy not? ?", 81 Tauth amt dot no potter.
Child Mamma, are you going to Heaven?"
M.mma-t. Yes, hope 80, dear" Child" And
Jane?". Mamma-s' I hope So She is q good
woman, and all good women 60 to Heaven
Child. Then, please, may go to the dogs
with papa He SAYS he is going there, and Il
will te so much nicer"
This is the way they do it IN LefoIe County
aa-- .sDis prar meetin' called togeder for de
purpos ub hearin' Broder Stays splane dose
dipcs which am necessary fur our sasvashun,
'psnismously resoibs dat Jake Snlf asn Tt and
proper pussun to represent dis secshun at de
Board Oh Supervisors.
Si1 skuuks got into Pennsylvania CAMP
meeting last week aud after standing 1t az long as
ed: II II you all say so, beloved. aud think
Won ?,ill, vell get out Of this. The Arch-Ene-
nv Of mankind must be stirring up his tires,
Tor Tn sure smell the gas"
.sThere was ludicroua]y sudden descent from
the sublime to ths ridiculous where cier,yn an
" opserred: Il hear Whisper! The change
Of tone started one OF rha deacons, who sat BE-
low, from drowsY mood, and, snnnging TO hls
feet, be cried: .9It's the boys in tho gallery."
ADnbury deacon nearly captured five boys
who had been devastating his chestnut trees one
SUNDAY afternoon. Shaking his fist after their
ret1eatng forms be a9g51yy y,5 saondoa na "a Inc one
minute, I'd and then suddenly espcing bis
pastor on the scene, he impresslTely added:
'sId pray for EN-"
An old German preacher in Fairfield Chapel
at the close Of protracted ser71ce' thus spoio-
Te room Is ta1k, my eyes Is tint
cannot see to read to hymn.
The choir, installing it for the usual first two
lines. At once sang it, when the surprised min
lister offered this explanation:
I asid to room Ia tark, my eyes ia tim,
1 did not mean 1t for ta hymn.
On vent the singers with that also: The be-
nildarea pastor, as soon as be could hercely
demonstrated: ~@
re berry tebelt how you paWl,
For 1t II no hymn 1t all
Tint had the desired elect: no moro Singing
uas performed thst evening.-lndepende7st
An Indiana correspondent mentions that at
the Annual Conference Temperance Annlyersa1y
brother related the following: In tho Confer.
epce was q minister Of small proportions, but
whose confidence in himself WAS quite suthelent
| He was called upon to baptize large, heavy
| woman bv immersion. An oficious member VEN
tured to remark that il he needed any asalstanca
! be was at his service, which WAS declined. In
t the small man and the large woman cautiously
waded but the small man slipped on tseacnef-
Gus stone, and drew the larga woman down win
him. The large woman was recovered nT tne
| stewards while the small man made for the
other side Of the creek. As be grasped an over
| hanging bush to draw himself out Of the water
he turned to the other shore, and clearing nus
| mouth from water, exclaimed, "Brethren, slng
| something appropriate
In the parish church OF Fettercairn custom
existed, and, indeed, still fingers in some parts
Sabbath reading out each single line Of the psalm
before i: was sung by the congregation. This
prsctice eaYe fise to somewhat unfortunate in
PRODUCTION Of line from Tie First Psalm. In
most churches in Scotland tie communion tables
are placed in the centre Of the church, After
sermon and prayer the s.ats round these tables
sre occupied by the coumunicants while psalm
q being sung. On one communion Sunday the
nrecentor observed the noble family OF Eelintoun
approachipg the Tables and saw that they were
likelT to be kept out by those who pressed in be-
fore them. Being very Jealous for their accom-
modation he called out an individual whom he
| considered to be the principal obstacle IN the
| passage: "Come back, Jock, and let In the noble
family Of Eslintoun;". and then, t1sning again
to his psa1In-book. hee3ook it up and went on to
read the line, ''Norstaad in sinners' way"
| In view Of the - iihated term" the following
account OF . popular sermon once delivered By
| Dr. Wyatt, and relatsd by himself is specially
dedicsted to those ministers that are apt to spin
| out their sermons indefinitely: 1T was a sum-
mer Sabbath morning. Tbs mercury WAS high
up among the ninetieE. sly house was well filed
| with my warm friends. Atkhe close OF the in-
| troductory service, which Was unusually brief,
| said to the suffering assembly: Dear breth-
rem, do not believe the Lord ia pleased with
our attempt to obey one Law Of His ordainiDg BY
the violation Of another. It seems to me- that
the 1xw written upon the heshy tablets is "a
binding as that which was engraved upon the
tablets OF stone. | will not preach this morn
ing! I recommend that you each 70 to your
house., and IN the briefest dress take your place
in the bathroom. and. turning on the cold Eater.
sit down and quietly mediate upon the goodness
I D. ILL =