St. Johnsbury Caledonian. [volume] (St. Johnsbury, Vt.) 1867-1919, 1875-12-24
Mark Twain at Niagara.

Niagara Falls is one of the finest
structures in the world. | have been
visiting this tavorite Watering place.
recently, fur the first time. and was well
pleased.
gentleman who was with me said it
wa> customary t" he disappointed in
the Falls. but that subsequent visits
were sure to set them all right. He
said it was 81 with him. He said that
the first time he went hack fares were
81 much higher than the Falls that the
Falls appemed insignificant. But that
is all regulated now.
The hackmcn have been tanned, num-
hercd. and placardcd and blackguarded.
and brought into suhicction To the law.
and d">cd with moral discipline till
they are meek as missionaries.
They are divided into two clans now.
the Regulars and the PIivateers. and
cnIpl"N their idle time in warning he
people against each other. The Regu-
lars are under the hotel banners. and
the Priyatcrrs prowl darkly on neutral
ground and pick Oft stragglerS at half
prize.
But there are no more outragcs and
eNtoIti"nS. That sort of thing cured
itself. 1t made the Falls popular hy
getting int" the newSpapers. and when
ever public evil achieves that sort of
success for itself its days are num-
hercd.
1t became apparent that either the
Falls had to he discontinued. or the
hackmen had to suhside. They could
not dam the Falls. 50 they did the hack
men. One can bc comfortable and
happy there now.
drank up most of the American Falls
before | learned that the waters were
not considered medicinal. Why are
people left in ignorance this way ?
might have gone on and ruined Il fine
property merely for the want of lit
tie information.
And yet the sources of information
are not mcagre at Niagara Falls. You
are sometimes i'll doubt what you ought
to do, but You are seldom in doubt CON
cerning what you must do. If an i'll
fant can read, that infant is measurably
safe i'll Niagara.
If you room at the hotel You will find
YOUR course marked ont in the most
convenient way, by means of placards
on the wall like these
''Pull the bell rope gently, but don't
jerk"
"Bolt your door,
''Don't scrape matches on the walls
or furniture.'
''Turn off your gas when you retire.
lie up your dog"
..If you put your boots outside the
door, they will he blackcd, but the
house will not he responsible for their
return"
This is IL confusing aud tanglesome
propositions. because it moves You to
dcliberate long and painfully as to
whether it will really he any object to
YOU to have your boots blacked unless
they are returned.
Give your key to the omnibus driver
if Won forget and carry it off"
Outside the hotel, wherever you wan
der. You are inteligently assisted by
the signs. You cannot come to grief as
long as you are i'll yOu right mind,
with so many instructions to keep track
of For instance:
keep off the grass"
Don't climb the trees"
GLANDS off the vegetables"
''Don't hitch your horse to the shrub
berry"
Visit the Cave of the Winds
''Have your portrait taken in your
carriage."
Forty per cent in gold levied on all
peanuts and other Indian curiosities
purchased in Canada"
"Photographs of the Falls taken
here"
''Nisitors will please notify the super
intendent of any neglect on the part of
employees to charge for commodities"
(No attention of this kind is Observed.)
Don't throw stones down there
might be people below"
The prOprietors will not be respon-