Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1875-01-15
CURRENT ITEMS.

WHEN is mother a father9 When
she's a sigher. M mea M
THE New York World wants TO know
if man with cough is not hackman.
In what respect does a locomotive re-
semble dream? In coming upon sleep
ers
WHY was Robinson Crusoe unable to
get up an oyster stew. Because he hadn't
the skill it required. a
IT might be expected that Californians
would take deep interest in well with
bottom so far down that $3.50 feet OF
fish-line just reaches it. e3 -xF
SAYS Miss Kellogg: "a young girl in
her training to become singer must
make a covenant with her eyes and not
look upon man." Sho!
RATHER aggravating to that New York
firm which has manufactured 23,OOO
children's sleds this year, that there has
been scarcely any use for them SO far.
DoN'T shut a child up in the dark to
punish him. The dark doesn't hurt him
a bit, and he generally manages to kick
in door-panel and twist the knob off.
IT is pleasure for citizen of Balti-
more to lose his wallet. The finder ad-
vertises it, the reporters make local
item, the police hunt all around, and
when it is restored to it's owner he has
half column complimentary notice given
him. .......,-.a4 %.t4.. ssH
TIE, fact that our small nickel and
copper coinage is very scarce in Call
fornia was recently explained by state
ment that large quantities OF three ana
five cent pieces arc annually melted
down for the purpose of manufacturing
trunk nails. ,.fs
HELP the poor" writes St. Louis
editor, and while the compositor is set
ting UP the article the editor puts
basket of champagne and two turkeys
into his carriage and rolls nomeward
with the blissful conviction that he has
done his whole duty.
THE new Mayor of Chicago isn't much
on photography, and he doesn't claim TO
be heavy on grammar, but let man at
tempt to tread on his coat-tails and the
Mayors great natural talent is dlscov-
cred punched up short distance above
the elbow.-Detf0st Free Press.
THE editor of a journal in New York
thus appeals to the better nature OF his
delinquent subscribers: "TO all those
who are in arrears one year or more, VINO
will come forward and pay up, we will
give them first-class obituary notice
gratis in case it kills them"
THE following directions are given for
detecting some counterfeit fifty-cent
notes now in circulation: On the coun-
terfeit the lock of hair in the corner OF
Dexter's forehead touches the other hair
at each end, while in the genuine 1t is a
&C" shaped lock, and touches only at the
lower end.
"YoU have a good husband, Betsyr'
'Um! $3.50! good enough as men go.
But what makes you speak OF him? 2"
He told me yesterday that in twenty
years he had never given you cross
word.' Obi should think not, indeed;
and he better not try it, eitherr
Mr.. A. BRONSON ALCoTT was once ex-
pounding his theory of the sin of eating
flesh, and said: IA man who eats pork
becomes a little swinish, does he not?
and if he eats mutton he is inclined to be
sheepish" g Perhaps so," replied DIR.
James Walker, "but have noticed that
men who live on vegetables. are apt 10
be-rather-s small potatoes"
con, MAJ" said Miss. McStinger, rush.
ing in to her IA" ma, what twelve
dozen creature our washerwoman Isl!
"Indeed, is she? And what's that, my
dear?" duoth the admiring mamma.
"Why, don't you know that twelve
dozen is gross, replied the astonishedi
miss, "and a gross is very, coarse?"
"Yes, of course. What lovely thing
education is, my child"
IT has been well said that the value of
gift does not depend on its price. Love
or friendship hallows the slightest token,
and when the idol of your heart is ex-
pecting holiday present of a diamond
ring, and you give her instead twenty
five cent cake of soap, it is worth at least
twice that sum to see the angelic look of
resignation that settles upon her beauti-
full face-Brooklyn argus. aan
DIR. PETERS, of Hamilton College, has
discovered twenty asteroids in all. What
disposition the doctor intends to make
of these asteroids when he dies we know
not but no doubt he will bequeath them
to some charitable institution. Some
people may not be able to see the neces-
sity of discovering asteroids; but he
who finds one of those things deserves
monument three stories higher than he
who walks six hundred miles in i've days.
-No7TtstoDn (PG.) Herald.