The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-10-08
Wit and Hum0r.


SWEETNESS and light-A love match.
A BRIDGE should be tried by its piers.
r has been found that in nearly every
civilized country the tree that beals the
most fruit for market is the axle-tree.
A scHooLBoY says that when his teach
er undertakes to "show him what is
what" he only finds out which Is switch.
A MAN may be said to have been
drinking like fish when he finds that
he has taken enough TO make his head
swim.
"WHY did you name your dog Back Z:
Because he was always running away
from home, and we couldn't help calling
him back.
IT is said that bald-headed people do
not die of consumption. The analytical
mind, seizing upon this fact and reason
ing logically, can arrive at conclusion
rs to why it is we SO seldom see a red
headed widow.
"YoU are from the country, are You
not, SIR" asked a city clerk Of Quaker,
who had Just arrived. Eyes. "Wel,
here is an essay on the rearing of calves.
''That," said Arninidab, as he turned to
go, "thee had best present TO thy
mother.
A MILWAUKEE chap kissed his girl
about forty times right straight along,
and when he stopped the tears came into
her eyes, and she said, in a sad tone of
voice, "Ah John, / fear you have
ceased to love me-" "No, L haven't"
replied John, "but must BREATH. D."
"S1R," asked an attorney Of q witness
who was testifying in a case of assault
and battery, "have you ever been in this
court before 7" Eyes, sir, replied the
witness, 81 have been here often. y
Cab, been here often, have youl' said
the attorney, in a triumphant tone.
Now tell the Court what for. F" "Well,
replied the witness, slowly, g / have
been here at least a dozen times to see
you to try and collect that tailor's bill
you owe.
One year ago, says the Vicksburg
Uecdid, they clasped hands over gate
in the dusk Of evening, and she said she
would be his little angel until life was
no more. Yesterday noon he went home
and found his Sunday suit in ips on
the floor, his silk hat kicked in, and his
fine boots cut down, and she yelled out
from the bedroom: "Is that you, you
old alligator. Well. 1 don't think you'll
trot off again without splitting any
wood ~
THE LAWYER ~ THE EDITORS FED.
slept in editors bed last night,
When editor CHANGED 20 be nigh,
And thought. as I tumbled the editors bed,
How easily editors lie.
-Erchdag@.
If the lawyer slept in the editors bed
When no lawyer CHANGED TO be nigh
And thought as above he has naively said.
How oasily editors lie,
He must then admit, as he lay on that bed
And slept to his hearts desire,
Whate'or he may saw of the editors bed.
Twas the lawyer himself was the her.
-Neic Orleans Bdle'in.
FREE DRESSINGS.
4 GREAT deal has been said about Van
derbilt's hard-heartedness, but no man
can write of him that he ever gave the
slightest encouragement to human be
ing who parted his hair in the middle.
A PITTSBURGH woman trained all sum-
mer long for tub race, and died the
other day just twelve hours before the
match was to come off. In the midst of
tub races and oil other kind OF races we
are in death.
II the deluged Texans should require
any help from the public have your dol
lar bill where you can get hold OF it, and
remember that i'll n case of this kind one
dollar in cash is better than six hundred
dollars worth of the heartiest kind of
sympathy.