The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-06-11
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

SO gently DER me stealing. .'-N. 7. Com.
Ado.
Oysters are said to be unhealthy in hot
weather; that is why they are left in their
beds.-N. 0. Republican.
" Are you fond of toneue?" "WGI,y yes.
Somehow l always did like tongue-and
like it-still. .'--ANanta Herald.
st. Louis Globe: From present appear
ances the next appeal that will come from
the west will be in behalf of the Black Hills
sufferers.
Query-If Carruth, the Vineland editor,
RECEIVERS SO as to resume management of his
paper, will his editorials be "double lead
ed ?''-N. 7. Maal
An exchange wants to know the differ
ence between a piece of string and whole
string. A piece Of string is perhaps one
that is too short at one end.-St, Jne Her
0Id
A rev days ago we innocently asked:
"Why not get up grammar matcles?' and
since then 429 papers have made puns
about it, "Parse" is the only word they
can find to work on.-Albany Argus.
The honest farmer now walks in, umwnds
his muffler, pulls off his mittcns, and TAX
ing down his ear laps, hoarsely inquiries of
the merchant if he has any cheap straw
bats for boys.-Noracalk CO., Chronicle.
When a Young lady goes to an entertain
ment, and sees a lady friend accompanied
| by a gentleman she does not know, she
doesn't enjoy the performance worth
cent. as the whole evening is occupied in
wondering who the stranger is.-Norris
toDb Herald.
An exchange says that "Osal1a, Japan,
is said to be the most religious city in the
world, because it has 1918 places of wor-
ship" That's no criterion. Here's Brook
! lyn, the very "City of Churches" and
we'll you know the rest Just as we'll as We
| do.-C0m. Ado.
| The rumor that Secretary Delano has re-
| quested Professor Marsh TO name his place
and weapons, that the Professor has ac
cordingly designated the Peabody Museum
as The scene, and a brace of fossil bones rs
the promoters Of the carnage, is diScredited
| in Indian clrcles-Com. 1dg.
| The boy who answered the question i'll
geography, "What is the shape of the
world % by answering, 50 Round like
biiek,;' has grown inte Il reckless man. and
edits the Fort Scott Monitor. On Monday
he printed all about the centennial of the
battle fought at Lexington, Kentucky =
Inter- Ocean.
If Charles Frigid Adams should he elect
ed President of the United States, it is
calculated that his presence would reduce
the average temperature of the White
House at least 30 per cent. 1t is tradition
in massachusetts that the Adams family
never paid penny for ice.-Brooh7yn ar
gus.
Sylvanius Cobb will begin to read an ad-
dress ON Decoration day, at Dorchester,
Mass. Those who have seen the fiUst 1000
yards of his manuscript say it out-Cobbs
Cobb. It begins about sunset, with four
solitary horsemen of General Lees staff
painfully toilng on foot up the steep de-
clivity of a tread mill. 1t will be centen-
nially continued.-Inter- OceaB.
We nominate Maior-G eneral George
Crook for President of the United States.
He has superb records as a man and SOL
dier; has abundance of brains, and lis as res
olute and silent as Grant.-Ddyt09 Jour-
mal. Well, it's a free country. We nomi-
nate General Hooker. This makes very
nice arrangement between us and the Jour-
nat, for we ought to be able to carry the
next election by Hooker by Crook. .-Bufa-
10 Express.
An Anamosa man read an advertisement
in his home paper, headed "Cut this out; it
may save your life." He laid the paper in
his lap and at one and the same time cut
out the life saving paragraph and square
piece the same size out of a new pair of
eighteen dollar pantaloons. Then in
stead of pasting the advertisement in his
hat, he hunted up the man who had it in
serted and pasted him one on the snoot-
Burlington HaackEyG
They had good deal of trouble with
Barnum's elephant in Rhode Island recent
ly. It appears that they were feeding one
end of him in Massachusetts, and the other
end got into Il farm yard in Connecticut.
The neighbors got out and attacked with
pitchforks and the Massachusetts, end got
mad There was Il good deal of excite
ment for a time, and the majority of the
Inhabitants stepped over into the adjoining
States till it was oyer-NorwicA Bulletin.
What, oh what, has become of Brother
Talmage? Has the first green lotRs-leaves
of the springtime lulled his apocalyptic |
tongue to slumber? Lo! in tile
midst of his appalling silence the Thespian
hydra rears its sca]y head, Kissing ddath
and destruction to infatuated thousands!
and will lie unresistinsly permit the horrid |
monster to fasten it's poisonous fangs, al
ready recking with the blood Of untold |
myriads, upon the souls and bodies Of men
and drag them down to that worm which is |
queached not and that lake of fire and
birthstone which never dies? Ii possible, |
let us hope not -Courier-Journai.
INVITED TO PEEL OFr-We had little |
fun in town fhis evening. AT the expense of
tI,rpp .,auti i.m.su WIN went out last rtuIt |