Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-05-12


E1ANE-Ssys the Boston Sunday
Times: But ons day, two Boston
women with ''vievs" stood before the
picture, and regarded it long and
steadily. rf q 81
81 don't know" said one Of them, re-
fectively (she was . gushing creature
of forty summers. with curls). 81 don't
know il I regard Elaine's course rs
altogether vomanly or proper. To
announce her love to Lancelot and the
whole world in that public vay-no,
no, it was not consistent with the high
est feminine delicacy."
81 don't know about that" said her
companion, Who snapped her words
very short, and whose dress and hair
were short, and whose figure looked
like An exclamation point, "but one
thing I do know If the girl had
worn her clothes suspended from the
shoulders. taken off her corsets, worn
flannel drawers and broad-soled shoes,
she'd never have pined away in that
sickly fashion for any man r
SURELY AN ARrIsr.-"Can you draw
at all, young man? ?" asked Uncle
Raphael of an applicant for private
instruction.
"Oh, yes, considerable |" replied the
candidate. "At ten years Of age i
could draw beer, cider, or q sleigh up
the hill at twelve, q truck loaded with
cabbage I; at fifteen, q prize in lottery
at seventeen an inference and at
twenty, bill of exchange. If l were
an actor, reckon could draw the
largest kind of q house but I'm going
to be q teacher, and shall have to be
content with drawing q salary-the
bigger the better"
"Well, you may draw up your chair
and sit down." said Uncle Raphael
you'll do for beginner"
A BROOKLYN boy takes the medal for
smartness. A girl against whom he
had q spite arranged for q party the
other evening. The boy called upon
each girl invited, and offered himself
as her escort. To each he said "Do
not tell that 1 am going to the party
with you. for have q reason will tell
you when 1 can" The girls had new
dresses made, and their heads were
dressed by hair dressers. Each one
waited in vain for her escort, who did
not call for any, so that the party was
minus girls and he actually mad the
audacity to attend the party, that he
might enjoy the discontinue of the
young hostess, who perpetually won
dered why so many staid away. And
that boy still lives.
"WAIrER, is this a spring chicken
Most remarkable fowl 1 ever attempted
an assault upon" "Yes, sir, nice
spring chicken ; nothing else at this
establishment. Don't you see, sir, it
springs every time you try to put a
knife into it ?" Customer realizes the
sad fact; and after half an hours
futile exercise of the knife and fork,
calls for plate of hash.
AT railway station, an old lady said
to a very pompous-looking gentleman,
who was talking about steam commu.
nications, Pray. sir. what is steam ?"
Steam, ma'am, is-ah-steam is
ah-ah-steam is-steam ~ knew
that chap couldn't tell ye," said
rouRh-looking fellow standing by
''Steam is a bucket of water in a tre-
mendous perspiration."
TIE Troy IN. " Times tells an
amusing story of one of Gov. Tilden's
staff 1t is said that when the indi-
vidual referred to first presented him
self en- niilitaire to his wife and little
daughter, the latter, after gazing at
him in wonder for q few minutes,
turned to her mother and exclaimed,
why, ma, that's not q real soldier,
it's pa !"
"IT's wonnerfu' place, is Australia,
said Scotchman the other day to
friend cts thirteen times as big as
Europe" How can that be, man,
asked the other. "since Europe's one
of the quarters of the globe 2" "Ill
tell ye how it IS it wasns discovered
till after the globe was quartered, and
so it's made fifth quarter"
MAX ADELER says "a coroner of
ours seized an Egyptian mummy that
was brought into town, summoned
Jury, held an inquest on the mummy,
brought in q verdict of Death from
causes unknown and charged the
county with the usual fee, with COM
pound interest from the time of Moses"
AT ONE of our schools recently, in
answer to the question "What is the
difference between an island and con-
tinent, and upon which do We hveP' a
bright little shaver replied 1.-The
difference is that q continent is much
larger than an island, and We live on
bread and meat and other things"
A BOY stood with his hands in his
pockets one cold morning, watching
the burning of the schoolhouse, and
after the novelty of the thing ceased,
he ran home, saying 'Tm glad the
old thing is burned down, for 1 didn't
git my jografy lesson no how"
A MAN lately made application for
insurance on building situated in a
village where there was no fire-engine.
He was asked, "What are the facilities
in your village for extinguishing fire ?"
-"Well, it rains sometimes" he re-
piled, with great simplicity.
A GENTLEMAN, not satisfied with the
grooming Of his horse, thought to re-
buke his groom by currying the animal
himself. and received q violent kick.
"It's no use trying to curry favor with
that horse" said the gentleman. as he
laid down the comb.
"WHY did you leave your last place?"
inquired young housekeeper about to
engage a new servant. "Why, you see,
ma'am, replied the applicant, 81 was
too good-looking. and when / opened
the door folks took me for the missus."
ANEW YORK lady, travelling out West,
said to q ferry-man on the upper Mis-
sissippi, "Are passengers ever lost in
tnis river ?"-"Lord bless you, mum,
no; we al'ays find 'em, if it takes a
week." was the consoling reply.