The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-12-18
" IfITTTE Y
VARIETY.

1t makes man and mars woman to be talked
about.
People who are always wishing for something
should try neuralgia.
A youEg importer down town remarks that
when ne sees a sweet creature dressed in the pre-
Yailng style of fashion, her appearance invariably
reminds him of - drawback on sugar.
The Chinese never dun debtor; but don't go
to China on that account. Ii the money isn't
paid when due OFF comes ear to remind him OF
the ear-Or Of his ways.
The great Indian uprising" in Eastern
Nevada has been boiled down to quarrel be-
tween TO Indians and two white men about some
quartz. This time not quarts OF whisky.
The other day an unfortunate man, plasterer
by trade, was found on the top of a ladder stick
ing to his business. lie was mOistened with
little beer, and then with difficulty removed to
the nearest hospital
PRAcrIcAL PHLOsoPnY.- we'll Mrs. Jen-
kins, them lives longest sees most but as L
often says to my old man. says l, kind words
an easy obligation, and goes Il good deal further
than a hobnailed boot Il quart pot, says l.
London Fun.
4 Texas Judge is credited with the following
neat decision - The fact is. Jones, the Jail is an
old rickety affair, rs cold iron wedge. You
appIied TO this Court for release on ball. giving 1t
there. The weather has not moderated, and to
keen YOU from freezing will direct the Sheriff to
hang you at o'clock this afternoon"
She testified before the magistrate that 9 dot
pilIy gotes shoost vas a-a-yell, vas washing
py some clodings of a pig tub, und them gotes
COON up behind me und-yell, shoge, don't ken
told you how dot vas. L feel me something's
pehind my pack und shump over der tub und
shtand on my head up NIT dot tubs bottom up,
and der elodngs sphilt shoOst like me, und dem
Rotes wink at me init Won eyes, und Vag his tails
Of mine face, und walks out py his pehInd legs
ike man. und | can't sit me down cOot any
more already"
KIND-Everybody remembers that charming
woman, Mrs. Sairey Camp, and the charming,
comforting ways she had at the bedside OF the
diving and the dead. Said Mrs Harris to me,
auoth Sairey, '' if ever there was sober creetur
to be got for eighteen pence day for working
people and three and sxpence for gentletoiks
Ini9htwatchng being Il extra charge), you are
the Invaluable person" 4" Mrs Harris, says
To her. don't name the charge, for if could
afford to lay all my feller-creeters out for no
think, would gladly do it, such is the love
bears 'em-"
The London Hornet gives the following ae
Things married lady cannot help thinking OF :
That she was pretty girl ut 10; that she had or
would have had Il great many offers; that all her
lady friends are five years older than they say they
are that she has very fine mind; that If her
husband had acted on her advice he would be
rich man to-day that people think too much OF
the looks of that Miss, who would not be
called handsome if she didnt make herself up ;
that her mOther-in-law is a very trying woman )
that her girls are prettier than Mrs. A. glrls ;
that she would like to know where her husband
spends his evenings when he stays out; that her
eldest son takes after him that he Is going to
throw himself away on Miss Scraggs; that Miss
Scraggs set her cap for him, and did all the court
ing that her servant girls are the worst ever
known that she has taste in dress that she has
good temper; that she pItles old maids
The other day a Detroit father purchased mi
croscope for his son, boy of ten, patted the lad
ON the shoulder and said to him
- NV son. take this microscope and go out
and study the beauties of nature
The boy left all other amusements for that, and
he took such great interest and improved SO
rapidly that at the tea table, to when several
visitors sat down with the family, he felt that he
must make some remarks. Turning TO one of the
ladies' he inquired
Did YOU ever look at cheese through micros-
cope?' -,-..,-
replied.
.Wer, you just oaght to see the things
crawl
:. John! Johnl' exclaimed the father shaking
his head ut the boy across the table.
Iohn subsided for a minute two, and when
his mother passed the cheese around, everybody
said. Thank you, no." Pretty soon the young
student, desiring to mollify his father, asked:
Father, did you ever look at a toad through
4 microseope?"
II will talk with you after supper" replied
the parent, scowIing at the boy.
John was rather disappointed at his failure tt
arouse enthusiasm, and just as the Strawberries
were being passed around, he remarked
Well, you just ought to look at straw berry
once through the microscope They look Just like
warts, they do, and you think you see bugs run
ming
81. Boy - warned his father.
Well they look worse n fies's heads y pro
tested the boy, who imagined that they doubte
U :. BoyE?.' said .he father, making motto
for John to leave the table
Jobp left, and 70 soon as it was convenient 10
q him 10 do so, the father escorted the lad to tn
wash room in he basement bounced him around
and said ., .,t
NV son gimme that microscope. and You tai
rho axe and 90 out and study the beauties OF tbs
woodpile ;" ba 40.
,t present.. he will become bank robber lnstea
of natuTalIslI;; slI;;...s-,.Ss,- .sN. s's sV"