The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-09-02
Wit and HulnOr.

WICKER coffins for the wicked.
A LORD of the aisles-an usher.
A COMIC song is an absurd-ditty.
A REGULAR beat-the heart beat.
For perpetual motion we Lave an
ocean.
A HAoKNEYED expression-" Ride up,
sir2"
WHAT horn produces the most dis
cordant music2 The drinking horn.
In what colors should babies be
dressed9 Why, infancy colors, OF
course.
THERE is a great falling off Of little
boys who try to ride on the behind end
of street cars.
THE most economical time to buy cider
is when it is not very clear, for then it
will settle for itself.
WHEN a man has a business that
doesn't pay, he usually begins to look
around for partner to share his losses
with him.
TIE gardener who hung an old coat
out to frighten birds away, and after
ward found young brood in one of the
pockets writes asking for another rem
edy.
LITTLE Alice was crying bitterly, and
on being questioned confessed to hay-
ing received slap from one of her play
fellows. "You should have returned
it." unwisely said the questioner. sob,
I returned it before" said the little girl.
A FATHER, fearing an earthquake IN
the region of his home, sent his two sons
to distant friends until the peril should
be over. A few weeks after, the father
received this letter from his friend,
"Please take your boys home and send
down the earthquake"
MASTER WILLIE (who had just been
described by visitor as GO such an intel
hgent little fellowP0: Papa, has the
gen n'lum brought my new boots2 Papa
(who doesn't see what is coming) Boots,
Willie Why, what makes you ask !? Mas
ter Willie Cause, when he came 'afore,
YOU said he was snob, and 1 asked Jane
what s.snob" was, and she said shoe
maker. [Sensation. Judy.
A DAY or two since q red-headed rat
of a bootblack called at the Postoflice to
get two two-cent piece changed, and he
was so impatient of delay that the clerk
inquired
sIs any one dying for the want of that
changer"
"No, sir" promptly replied the lad,
but Tom English wants to go on the ex-
cursion to Put-in-Bay, and I'm going to
lend him money to go III good style p
Detroit Free Press.
He was strolling around town while
the boat was taking on freight, and COM
ing along to where four or five men sat
under an awning, he held out his hand
to each in turn, and remarked: "Shake,
stranger. Although I've stood where
shot fell around me like raindrops In
shower, want reconciliation now
genuine peace" "What battles were
YOU in 2" inquired one of the men, after
awhile. 81 wasn't in any, mister,
soberly replied the stranger, 1T was IN
the shot-tower at st. Louis where the
shot came so fast" And the crowd went
over after soda-water. - Vicksburg Her
aid.
AN honest-faced stranger called on
Justice Potter the other day and inquired
what his honor's usual fee was for join
ing couple in holy bonds of wedlock.
"The fee is two dollars in case you
come here" was the reply.
"Less see," mused the man as he
handed out roll of bills Z" there's three
dollars for bedstead, eight dollers for
secondhand stove, two dollars for
dishes, two dollars to run the house on,
and-and that's every blamed cent 2"
$50 youarc short?" inquired the JUS
tice.
"There's the pile, replied the young
man, "but I'll knock the two dollars of
for dishes and give it to you, for I'm
boundto be harnessed tony girlth week
! if we have to bile 'taters in the tea pot y
And in less than an hour the two were
made Detroit Free Press.