The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-02-18

! sCs oGt--tuC Iul0S0cs
Twisted hemp cures Sslons.
A poor relation-a carb-uncle.
| Something about milk-water.
The Evening Poss-the lanp posG
Light wines may make heavy
head.
He who talks, sows; be Who listsns,
reaps.
A rare aower-the pink Of polite
ness.
The key to an uncertain gait
whis-key.
Collectors know when their work
is dun.
Why did Freedom shnek2 Kos
ciusko fell.
Hanging is brisk, but with . fall
ing tendency.
Spain took . little Bourbon on
New Years day.
One of the principal railroad con-
tractors in Texas is y woman.
A mans clothes are agsinst him,
especially If they are old clothes.
Judge a man no, BY what he has
on him, but what he has in him.
Success in any employment 10 the
result of mans love for his work.
He who can take advice is some.
times superior to him who can give
il.
"Sally, what time do you folks
dine?' "Soon as you 60 away
that's missus' orders"
The best preparation to keep .
lady's hand "free from chaps" 10 .
report that she has no money.
lis that cheese rich!" asked
Bloges of his grocer. "Yes,' was
the candid reply, "there's millions
in it."
1t has been cold enough in Kansas
to freeze whiskey, and some of the
drunkards there have become solid
men.
"Who's there" cried . policeman
to passing figure one dark night.
ats me; don't be afraid" kindly re-
plied an old woman,
The American journal published in
Paris by the dentists, is filed with
good extracts, oil accomplished with.
out paying.
Forty girls will run after : snob
with q gold. headed cane, where one
will shy up to fellow with sound
horse sense.
The Portland Press has discovered
= "model hotel clerk" in that city.
Show the gentleman up to-Banum's
at once.
Michigan men don't feel Is though
they had elopcd if they don't leave
wife and four children in destitute
circumstances.
The man who is kind and polite to
his mother-in law has reached Vicks-
burg, and is an object Of general
curiosity to the people there.
Mr.. Naylle, Of Toronto, was
knocked down BY mistake for another
man, recently. He hopes they'll hit
the right Naylle on the head, next
time.
A California preacher is preaching
on the best way to raise boys. We
have always found number IA boot
about - effective - anything for
raising them.
It is melancholy fact that those
who declare war are never called up-
ON to do the fighting; il they wero
we suspect there would be not tho
slightest amusement Of this nature.
A Green Bay man thinks it very
wrong for boy to go to . circus,
but he will keep . lad turning . fan
ning-mill ten hours, hand him Eve
cents, and stand and wait for the boy
to thank him.
IT'S naught when woman hunbugs man.
For that's the good old style;
But, oh, mans confidence In man,
MaAcs countless thousands smile.
Sooner or later, justice certainly
oyertakes the leader Of . country
brass band. A bridge came along
and struck one on the head the other
day, as he stood on the top Of m Eric
freight train.
An advertisement for = dry goods
clerk reads: "Wanted, young man
to be partly outdoor and partly be-
hind the counter" It doesn't specify
what part of the young man is to be
outdoor
An Indiana Sunday School man
writes to Bible firm in New York:
"Send me on some Sunday school pa
pers and books. Let the books be
about pirates and Indians as far rs
possible.
A young lady who went to the
city to see what was advertised % .
"Spectacular Drama" came home
greatly disappointed. She says not
one Of the actors wore spectacles.
"My eyes with tears are red and dim,
Cause he loves she and loves him;
But they'll be better BY and by,
When she cuts him and he loves l."