The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1875-08-31
Stpse and Noqsellse.


small mind to makeit up.
Card Schurz's income from lectures
the coming season will be- not less than
twenty five Thousand dollars.
The best explanation yet offered for
the disappearanco-o of Doasittsuu md hisr-
fellow baIl9onist is, that. they must have
had falling out y Z y : .ssas saf sF'se g
'.John. ! came near selling my shoes
the other day." said one man to another.
"How was that r iag A.
'sWhy. / had then. half solea.
II say, PAT, what are YOU about
sweeping out Tie room p slsfsA ss4
NO. answered Pat; II am sweeping
out the dirt and leaving the ROOM"
Curran was once askel by one ef-his
brother judges, "Do you see any thing
ridiculous in this wig ?" F..,nsI,,,.W
Nothing but the ,head,p was the re.
ply. dido
Did you ever meet .Alonzp Brown, of
Virginia ? If YOU never did -you never
will. He was found hanging to a limb
the other day, ard a paper pinned to his /
coat read: ''He stole hams.''
81 would advise you TO put your
heal into a dye-tub, it's rather, red" -
said jokerto sandy haired girl y Il
II would advise you to put yours into
an oven, it is. rather Soft" sail Nancy.
In Norway, the longest day lasts
three months. The man who six months
laso promised to call in a day or two
and settle his little bill, must have gone
to Norway on a visit. TO II
/ Does the court understand you to
say that you, saw the editor intoxieated? ?
"Not at all, sir, only I've seen him in
such a-a- a--ifnrry as to attempt to
cut out copy with the snufers; thatsF
all"
If young man sits up, too late with
his sweetheart out at Haddonfeld, the
old folks come into the parlor, aud, with
a refinement of sarcasm, invite him TO-
wait few minutes longer and break
fast will be ready. Fo
! Prosperity has its esweet uses" as
well as adversely, for no sooner does o
man come into little property than he
INSTANTLY learns the number of his
ffliends; whereas, if he remained poor,
the chances are that he would have died
in perfect ignorance of the fact
A Presbyterian. minister, while mar
rying couple of his rustic parishioners,
felt exceedingly Disconnected on his
asking the bridegroom if he were will
ling to take the woman for his welded
wife, by his scratching his head and
]saying, LAY, I'm wullin' but I'd rather
lhae her sister,
''The almighty problem is to make
living without working" as the man said
when he shouldered a stereopticon and
lstarted for the rural districts. In addi.
tion to his moral show and lecture, he
Icirculated "crooked' five cent pieces =
The Government feeds him now. at the
cost of his freedom.
MIR. Andrew Johnson, son of the
late ex-President johnson, denies all
knowledge of the reported insurance on
his fathers life, though he says he has
not been able to look over all of his
| fathers papers. The estate of the ex
President is estimated at between $150-,
600 and $175,000. s'szzlaa5s,,7
A Georgia man who rode on to see
the Coroner the ether day, confidentially'
remarked to that individual that it was
astonishing to see how high nieger in
a watermelon patch can jump when you
fire at him from behind. The Coroner
smiled slowly and then proceeded 10
1hunt up ajury- The Capital. aaa1,i irs'
4 "Do you get OF 'here?v asked the
4 pursersof the steamer City of Newport
of a lady, as the boat was within two
nr three hundred rods of Rullock's
Point, Tuesday. afternoon. "No," SHE
Responded, and just as the purser, ives
about to tell her that she would have to
buy return ticket, she continued, 5.f
get off when the boat reaches the
wharf" a.ala. ed7ss h4t.5.asw a5, I'd
1twas a party that some young ladies',
were discussing the relative benefits Of
| the sparrows and the. worms, when one
of The fair cnes appealed to young Fiz.
zleton, who had Just joined them, and
had not caught the drift Of the conver-
sation, (which do you think the worse,
worms or sparrows ?" What did the
i stupid brute do but innocenily answer.
~ don't know; | never had sparrows,"
i aSiBn3 n3ssidea fierce lawyer, "do yor,
,,y, ~ l.
not your hand writing 2' II reckon
not" was the cool reply. "Does it re-
semble your writing p sYes, sir, /
think it don't" "Do you swear that it
don't resemble your writing ~ "Well.
,EI do. old heat sesaYou take your sol
emn oath that this writing does not re,
semble yours in single letter ?" sY-e-e-s
SIR "Now how do you know ?''-
"Cause l can't write" sei
Napoleon, while walking aljngi o
country road, attended by some of his
officers, encountered a peasant heavily
laden with faggots. The. peasant was
about to be jostled aside, as matter of
+, course, by bis social superiors, when the
Emperor, laying his hand on the fore.
most member of his escort, arrested the
whole party, and gave the laboring man
the path with the remark: .Messi eurs,
respect the burden j
An old ilarkcy approached a vender
of fruit and asked tHow much do you
! ak for dem watermillions, mister 3s-.
sOne for two bits--two for four bits
i three for six shillings-or fine, large
slice for a thrip or pieayune!!" :" rattled
off the sidewalk merchant "Phew
q mister, you must think I'm de mar
= what busted de Freedman's bank, dom
= ye2 and he went away without buying
!, any Of the tempting fruit.--Atlantd
n (Ga. Constitution.
r Sam was an old Cincinnati nigger
n who had knocked hole in his wife.
: head while he was drunk. When they
* led him up to the scaffold he took n,
is interest in the proceedings. until th'
W minister reminded him that his last mo
s. ment had come, and he must prepare t
in meet his Maker Then Sans couute
es nance lighted up little as he said :
n n VI 4 IL H..