The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-03-09
DuMPKlNSOn.
BY JUDY.

BY JUDY.
My acquaintance with Dumpkinson was
made in this way:
Dumpkinson- goodness knows how
was member of the "Jolly boy cele-
brated club for good cookery and good
wines. l am fond of good feeding, and
wanted to get into the "Jollyboy."
Smith, friend Of mine, and a member
of the "Jol]yboy," would ''put me up"
but wanted ''seconder.' I did not
know where to find one.
At this crisis Dumpkinson, threw him
self into the breach. I did not know
Dumpkinson, except in the way of bust
ness, but accepted his offer with rap.
ture.
Putting Dumpkinson to Smith as my
''seconder," Smith made face and said !:
'No, you DON'T
l said, Il did, though Smith then
made another face and said: 'Well, if
you wiA have him; only the chance is
that you will have 'Dolcful Dumps as he
is called, for the rest of your life after
this.'
This, thought, was rather strange
speech; however, thought no more Of it,
and in due time became a full-fedged
Jollyboy
1t Was only right then, of course, that
for Smith and Dumpkinson's kind efforts
should stand them dinner at the
"Jollyboy."
Iwrote to Dumpkinson. He "would
be pleased to come" he wrote back
overleaf, however, was this astonishing
P. S.: If my poor inside PERMITS I
did not think any more of this, but set
Dumpkinson down as a wag. ''All the
BETTER" thought. 81 He will tell us
some good stories at dinner
then asked Smith. He also ''would
be pleased" he said; when, though, l
added casually, land you will meet
Dumpkinson,' Smith, oddly enough, rec
objected that he had q previous engage
laent for that evening, and cut away as
if in mortal terror. did not think any
more of Smiths behavior, but set him
down, also, as funny one.
The hour at last came for the dinner,
and with it the man--Dunpkinsou, in
fact.
had never met Dumpkinson before,
10y business with him having been all
lene by letter, and what at once struck
me about him was his appearance of most
profound detection and an air of settled
melancholy. In other respects Dump
ainson was very like other fellows.
81 am very glad to have the pleasure
Of making your acquaintance said.
He looked at me for some minutes in
melancholy surprise, as if The couldn't
hep fancying) it was very long time
since any one had made that speech to
him. Then he put an hand like an I'M
cooked sole into mine, and made this re-
.rarkable speech:
"Werc / to say it was pleasure to me,
sir, making your acquaintance, should
oe telling falsehood. Ihave not known
what pleasure means for many a
weary year. My inside, sir-my inside
will not allow me to-
Then he laid his hand on the third but
ton of his waistcoat tenderly and sighed
deeply.
"Dear me-" I said, sympathetically,
"you don't look at all we'll; you want
your dinner. Let's begin.''
''Dinner, sir-dinner p groaned Dump
kinson. "That is thing, sir, my inside
never allows. But I'll sit down with
YOU"
So We sat down to what had fondly
looked forward to enjoying an uncom-
suonly nice little dinner.
Screen pea, sir, or clear turtle!" said
the brisk waiter to Dumpkinson.
He gazed at the man reproachfully.
DO look" he asked plaintively, las if
had an inside which could absorb the
noxious acid Of vegetable soup? Charles.
I'm surprised at you! Give me one
aspoonful Of TURTLE
"Will you take sherry or Madeira with
your soup!" I inquired.
He looked at me in horror. "Ah, nv
good sir, - he said, lyon are very new
member Of the 'Jolly-boy' or you would
know that sherry and Madeira here are
both plastered. My inside, sir, is too DEL
icate in its coating for plaster of that de-
scription. Why, sir; do you know I
have one Of another sort, mustard and
linseed in equal parts, on the outside Of
my inside at this very minute = AZ.
.You don't say soe' said, hiding my
emotion at this in bumper Of the "Jol-
'y.boy'' sherry, which was not half q bad
wine. .,.~..~> Z. III. ~
He shook his head sadly, And putting
his uncooked- sole Il mean his h'nd) into