Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-10-15
Gleanings.

A farmers crib is a gnawful place fo'
rats.
Comfortable quarters-twenty -fv1 s..
pieces. N
If rocks ever bled, they would bieee,
quartz.
The cheapest OF lawyers-keeping ones
own counsel
Wanted ifeboat that will float on
"sea of troubles" ~
To frequenters of balls-never nnlsli
the evening with reel.
What people can never live long nc't,
wear great coats-dwarfs.
If you wish to enjoy constitutional lib
erty, don't wear pull-bac dress.
In what ship has the greatest number OF
people been wreckeds Courtship.
What part of the church services do
young ladies prefer: The Hims ana
Sam.
The man who doesn't hang out his
shingle and advertise, dies and leavtS n0-
sign.
Yes, that's So Take care of the sense
and the dollars will take care of them
selves
There is nothing particularly agreeable
i'll boarding lion in his den or any other
place.
Why is the letter q tie handiest in the
alpha hot RacauSn u hon it'c in
always find it before u
A schoolboy says that when his teacher
undertakes to ''show him what is what"
he only finds out which is switch
Over 10000 boxes of new German
cologne have been shipped from factory
at New Canaan, Ct, since July 20.
1t has been found that in nearly every
civilized country the tree that bears the
most fruit for market is the aXle-tree.
A man may be said to have been drink
ing like a fish when he finds that he has
taken enough to make his head swim. -
ANY letters for Mike Howe:" asked an
individual Of ii clerk at "A post-otfice win
dow. mo letters for anybody s cow"
What do you take for your cold:' said
lady to Mr.. --. -Four pocket hand
kcrchicfs a day madam" was the an
swer.
An Aberdeen girl supposes that the rea-
son she has never kindled a flame in any
mans heart is because she Is not good
match.
A New York tailor says that if all men
would pay cash down for clothes the
tailors could knock thirty cents off of
prices.
If the mosquito who left our nose In
such hurry that he forgot his bill, will
call he can have it, and no questions will
be asked.
i satirical writer in German paper
observes that if people 20 to apothecaries
because they are cheap, then doctors must
be frightfully dear.
A Kentucky editor tells another that if
his head was as red as his nose he would
remind one of bow-legged carrot sur
mounted by IA cockade.
The Bethlehem Star says: I'VE found
a large package of genuine greenbacks
the other night, but before we had a
chance to invest them in new press we :
awoke."
Mr. Benjamin Ginning some time since
presented the poor of the city of Liver
pool with e2OO, upon which wag wrote:
"A good B. Ginning"
A story is told of an Irishman, who,
bound over TO keep the peace against all
her Maiesty's subjects, exclaimed: Then
heaven help the first foreigner meet"
\ local debating society is preparing to
wrestle with the following question: Re
solved that man who plays on an accor-
dion and keeps a barking dog can't be
Christian" Four members to one want
to take the negative side.
Some burglars, upon entering house,
blew out the lights, and tied the occupants
in different parts of the room. One took
it to heart sadly, and exclaimed: "Oh,
I'm undone-Im undoncr Upon which
another replied: Then come and undo
me-"
His name it was BackuS. He lived in
Michigan, but now he is no more He
drank the whisky, put the can of kerosene
in his country wagon, covered it up With
straw, dropped his pipe, set fire to the
straw, exploded the can, and when found
there was little left of either him or the
wagon.
When dog barks ut you, go for him.
Follow him over the fence. chase HIM be-
yond hills, careen after him through
swamps. Give up your whole life to
chasing him. That is the only way to get
the best of cur; and TO get the best of q
cur is greater than reaching heaven
Danbury Meas.
Suppose l should quiz you about your
bald head, you wouldn't get mad, would
YOU" said young lady to an indignant
old man in railroad depot. Not at all;
| should only just say that when my head
gets as soft as yourn | kin raise h'ar to
sell, or somethin' o that sort" smilingly
replied the old man.
/ A recent advertisement contains the fol-
/ lowing startling information: "f the
gentleman who keeps the shoe store with
/ red head will return the umbrella of
young lady with the ivory handle to the
! slate-roofed grocer shop, he will hear OF
something to his advantage, rs the same
| Is the Gift of deceased mother, now no
more, With the engraved upon it.
/ Monmouth, Oregon, must be Il sweetiy
sonorous place. With only forty houses,
! it has nine organs, three piano fortes, and
one instrument described as "piano-me
| lodeon, Moreover, it has for street pur-
poses cornet band of fourteen perform
ers, with numberless guitars, fiddles.
banjos, flies, flutes, clarionets, and other
private instruments of melody.
There don't appear to be much limit TO
IL farm laborer's hours. A man who had
been working for New Canaan farmer
putting in thirteen to sixteen hours day
quit on Saturday. Whats the matter'
Don't you like the place." asked the farm
er. 80, yes, like the place well
enough" explained the ''hand,' ''but the
nights are getting so long that I'm afrait
can't do full days work" TIL,
farmer smiled like an invalid d.-Danbafs a
Ne,es.
Uncle Pete" was asked to subscribe
fifty cents to his parsons salary yesterday
Cant do it, tell ye; kase dere's mighty
hard times proachin on heah!" "Oh
no, Pete, de crops is good, and we hah