The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-10-22
WHAT TEE WITS SAY.

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that don't have to be "put up +" every fall.
Bismarck's two sons are bad boys. They
don't mind their Bis.--New Orleans RspUb.
lican.
A plug hat under the soothing influences
of the climate Of Georgia lasts man thir-
teen years.
A country editor, in his financial article,
says: "Money is close, but not close
enough to reach"
A horticulturist exemplifies the multiply
ing powers Of nature by pointing out how
pears grow into threes.
Going bareheaded will cure badness, it
is said, but what would Cleveland man do
with his ears?
The late frosts have curled the grass
hoppers up till they can't enjoy rail fence
with any sort Of appetite.
An Italian travelling in company with a
true son of New England remarked, with
much enthusiasm, in his foreign accent:
We can't see why DR.. Mary Walker is
like one of the soldiers of old, unless it is
because she wears a suit of mole.-Chicago
Journal.
A weeping relative at funeral, allow us
to observe, is nearly like very drunk
man, being mournful, while the inebriates
more'n full.
Crops are big, money is easier, DR.. Mary
Walker is sick, fall trade is good, Sergeant
Bates is in Canada, and why can't we all
be happy this winter?
Emerson, in a late poem, speaks of the
"brave men who wolk while others Sleep"
alluding, probably, to the attaches of daily
morning journals.
"If dogs tail is cut off entirely, will it
not interfere with his locomotion?" "Not
exactly. It will not affect his carriage, but
it will stop his waggin'.'
81 have tasted of bitter poverty" says
Hannibal Hamlin. That was probably be-
fore he sold himself to the American Ex-
press Company.-Free Press.
Cincinnati Enquirer headlines: "Was
it suicide "A butcher blows the top of his
head off," OF course he was not a suicide.
He was simply fslo-dt-se'sed. Coup head.
Singer, the sewing machine man, died
worth $19, ,0O0,0 900, but how much better it
is to live on and be worth two or three
thousand. The silent dead never hold any
strawberry festivals.
The Hartford Courant tells of fellow
who dug up potato in his patch in that
city in which pair of spectacles were
firmly imbedded. The potato's "eyes"
must have been poor.-BoSton Post.
A professor was expostulating with stu
dent, when the latter said, "It's no use; I
was cut out for loafer." "Well," said
the professor, "whoever cut you out un-
derstood his business"
Says an epicure: "It is odd enough that
a sheep when dead should turn to mutton
all but it's head; for while we ask for a leg
or shoulder of mutton, we never ask for
a mutton's head. No; nor for mutton's
tongue
Athletic Barman-" Now, if you don't
take yourself of, I'll precious soon turn
you out" Shorty O'Connell with yelD
."Tur-r-rn me out 4! Is it tur-r-rn me
out Thin, bedad come outside an tur-r-rn
me out.-PUnch.
'sar, you have no delights in America that
VIC have in Italy. We have there, sar, the
blue sky-the fine landscape. We have
there, sar, Vesuvius, that sends it's fire to
the heavens" The true Yankee boy stood
it long enough-his pride came up-he
turned round to the italian before he had
time to let his hands fall from their ges-
lures of admiration, and, with q tone of
replied: "Your Vesuvius
We've gotta Niagara that will put her out
in five minutes -