The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1875-02-10
Variety.

A week conclusion-Saturday night.
How to end a girl out-Ca when she ism
The place for proOfreaders-The house of cor
rection.
Who is the largest man THE lover he is
man Of tremendous sighs
Josh Billings says Tew enjoy a good repu
tashuu. give publicly and steal privately.
Why are your sidewalks 10 winter like music
If you do not c sharp you will fat.
A gentleman who had been struck by young
lady's beauty has determined to follow the injunc
ton, and kiss the rod that smote him"
And thus they went foot and foot together =
Two soles with but q single squeak
BroEaus that clump as one.
Il has been observed that we often hear Of &
man being 10 ad vance OF his age, but we have
never heard Of woman being 10 the same pre-
dicameut.
Said poor patient to Abernethy, 81 can't lie
down, stand nor sit without pain" There:
nothing left FOR you, then" said the NJ. D., "bui
to-ba hanged.
not equal 10 those who love it; and they who love
il are still below those who find delight in the
practice Of it,
Mr. Smithers, how can you sleep? The sun
has been up these two hours" We'll. what if it
has p said Smithers. He goes to bed at dark,
while I'm up tall after midnight"
True DovE-Fond wife John, dear, be sure
and don't waste your money on railway assurance
iickets.' Husband "a commercially why, my
love p Fond wife Because you are never lucky
enough to be in collision !"
"Ah, Sam, 50 you've been in trouble, have
you p Yes, jim, yes" "Well, well, cheer up
mau adversely tries u.s. and shows up our best
qualities" "Ah, but adversely didn't try me, it
was an old wagabond of Judge, and he showed
upmy worst qualities"
Now. then, said physician cheeriy TO pa
tieut, you have got along far enough to indulge
in a little animal food, and" NO you don't
doctor interrupted the patient 1--we suffered
enough on your Cruel and slops, and I will starve
sooner than TO begin on hay and oats"
why, jimmy" SAID one professional beggar to
another, ARE you going to knock of already? It's
only two o'clock" NO you mutton head" re-
sponded the other who was engaged in unbuck-
ling bis crutch, I'm only going to put it on the
other knee. You don't suppose fellow can beg
all day on the same leg, do you?'
A doctor and preacher met on the street the
other day, and commenced bandying words about
physical prOwess. The preacher said one blow
from his fist would show the doctor what "blue
mass was The doctor replied that if the preacher
wanted to learn cheap method of spreading the
gospel" be advised him TO run against his fist.
A stranger who was eating piece Of pie in a
restaurant Saturday, struck his teeth against
something hard, and presently held up 2-cent
piece and exclaimed. Here, you-here's cents
which l found in this pie !" "Well, I'm sorry it
isn't fifteen, replied the waiter, "but the fact is,
times are 50 hard we can't do any better just
nov !7-Dstroit Free Press.
A sailor's wife at Portpatrick had Just received
intelligence that her husband had persisted at sea
She was visited by q neighbOr, who symPathized
with her on her loss, and expressed fear that
she would be poorly of" Deed will l r. said
the widow. But be did all he could forme he's
saved me the expense Of his buTyin'l"
One Of the stories told of Moliere's time is Of
preacher. who having to celebrate certain saints
day, delivered the following sermon My breth-
ren. it is, to-day. the feast of ST.. On this
day. last year, told you all knew about him.
! have not heard that during the last twelve
months be has distinguished himself in any way
whateyer. l have, therefore, nothing more to
add"
A doctor went out West TO practice hisprofes-
sion. An old friend met him on the street, one
iay, and asked him how he was succeeding in his
business. "Frst-rate !" he replied. 1--WE had
,ne" well aud what was thatYn at was a
birth p said the doctor. "How did you succeed
with that 2" We'll, the old woman died, and the
ibid died. But, by the grace of God IN save
be old man yeti"
Rev. Joshua Brookes, Of Manchester, was a
clergyman, Of irritable temper. The church-yard
vas surrounded by low parapet, with sharp ridged
Oping, TO walk along which required nice balan-
ing Of the body, and was one Of the favorte feats
# the neighbOring boys. The practice greatly
unoyed JOSHUA aud, one day, while reading the
,urial service at the grave side, bis eyes caught
chimney-sweep walking on the wall. This caused
he eccentric chaplain, by abruptlygiving an order
o the boaGle to make the following Interpolation
Q the solemn words Of the funeral service :"And
heard voice from Heaven, saying that
lack rascal Of the wall !"
Selling berries by the foot is q new idea, the
dspring Of Milwaukee girls brain. Theyoung
ady, who was on a marketing expedition desired
o purchase some berries wherewith to add zest
o her evening repast. but she wouldn't trust the
ludful little boxes which the grocers with pleas.
ag fiction called quarts" She wanted full Scrip
ural measure and proposed to the dealer to adopt
Ter shoe as the standard of quantity. Visions
{ Cinderella aOated through the huckster's brain.
nd in a moment Of forgetfulness the deluded
nan accepted the proposition. of came the
hoe, and in went the berries Boxfollowed box,
uil the dealer, with sadness in his eyes and half
is stock in the girls shoe, gently waved his pur-
haser away, and closed up bis shop.