The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1875-05-27
A POLITICAL JOKE.

without precedent, ana hopeless entanSie-
ments before unheard Of, distracting
misaliianccs and bewildering antagonisms
make this great mountebank of parties
SOURCE Of perennial amusement to every
body in the state that has any apprecia-
ton of humor. The antics of the parti
colored clown in the sawdust ring are
mild hammered proprieties, as compared
with the frantic cvolutions and contor-
lions of the Democratic managers
in their furious and startling efforts to
reconcile the thousand and one conflicting
elements and incongruous positions OF
their party, and unite the inharmonious,
seething, Trangling mass into harmonious
party, standing on one platform and
marching under one flag. There would
be something grim and appalling about
these terrific throes of party that, like
Prometheus of old, is always ''plucked,'
but never dies, if the whole thing were
not so supremacy ridiculous that the tears
ofpity are swept and absorbed by tor
rents of mirth. There is always some
thing new to laugh at when the old con-
tortions grow stale and monotonous. One
year the wry faces with which the old
hard shall Democrats swallowed Greeley
afforded us much the same wicked kind
of amusement with which the robust
members of the family regard the I'M
happy brother who prefaces, and accord
,ngly spells, his dinner by gulping dose
Of cod liver oil. Then the efforts of the
demoralized fragments Of recreant Demo
cracy and sore headed Liberal Republ-
,canism to swallow each other, brought
down the house. And still later, it was
something thrillingly, awfully, specially
funny to see the CHASTITY form of the
buried Liberal party lit its head out of
the tomb to which it had been consigned,
and in tremulous, quavcring, but Sc
pulchral tones, feebly pipe out a call for
Liberal Republican state convention.
Then Democracy buried itself; weary of
the sings and arrows of the most out
rageous fortunes that any party ever en-
dured it proclaimed itself a ''putrid rcmin-
iscense,7 declared it was Cead, and with
an air of resignation stepped into the cold
and silent tomb that yawned to receive it,
and there it lay, but not in an orthodox,
respectable corpse-lke attitude, with its
neryeless hands crossed on Its pulseless
breast All, no, it lay propped up On one
elbow, with its head sticking out of the
sepulchre, watching and listening, very
oadaverous, but very intent on seeing
what was going on, and awaiting develop
ments By and by it crawled out and
dragged its Liberal Republican alloy
forth, but it was too feeble to stand the
sunlight. 1t staid out long enough, how
ever to take part in the next grand trans
formation scene. A baby was born to
this strangely asserted pair, and with the
shrieks of conventions and firing of can
mon, the tanting was chrstened, "Anti
Monolopy" Poor little baby; they set it
on its feet too soon and it grew up as
Dandy legged as a pair of ice tongs; and
then the load they piled on that infants
back! No sooner was the innocent
steatiied On its tottering legs and its nose
pointed in the direction of the coveted of,
fees than the Democratic party climbed
on its back Old political hacks that
would break down the oldest and toughest
party in America; old stagers that had
been crying for Office ever since Buchanan
stepped down and cut; Liberal republi-
cans swaTmed up, too, and dragged their
platforms up after them. Conservatives
showed their platform upon the towering
pile too, and they climbed on: Labor re-
formers saw this forlorn hope, handed the
baby their platform to carry, and they
found corner to hang on at, the indie
psndents took seats with the rest of the
mass, and they made the infant chuck
their ponderous platform under one of its
arms. Political bushwhackers of every
possible creed and shade of belief, old
bumn,ers, outs who wanted to get in men
with the stains of dishonor, peculation
and embeZZlement on their record, and
parties with the smell of death on their
clothes, all sTasined on this precious in.
fant's back, aud with ringing shouts babe
it climb for office. And when the over
burdened juvenile essayed to run, it was
a spectacle to move the gods to mirth.
And when it fell, nearly year elapsed
before its scattered burden could recover
its senses sufficiently to think of what it
was, how many there was.of it, and what
it should do next; after, of course, they
buried the baby.
And now the curtain has been rung up
on the next scene in this inimitable farce. |
1t promises to be as funny as ever.IM NJ. !
Ham, of the Democratic National Com
mittee, lessee and general manager; J. ID.
Campbell, Liberal Republican National
Committee. property man; G. f. Parker,
SecretaryAnti- Monopoly StateC Committee, |
scene shiiter; j. ii. Keatley, Chairman
Liberal Republican State Committee,
supe; jno. r. Irish, chairman Democratic
State Committee, leader of orchestra. The
next scene is called, 'the Democratic
State Convention" and the State is on
tip toe OF expectation, wondering what
these unfortunates will do when they get
together. What will they call themselves,
and what viii they try to do with them
selves! Time alone will show Itwould
have ruined the reputation of the best
prophet that ever slept with the lions,
had he ventured to fortell what absurdity
the Observation-Disclosures MonopolyRe-
Observation-Disclosures party would
be guilty of.-Burlington Haakeys.