Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1875-07-17
FUNNIGRAHHS.
Egypt is land of donkeys, but the
have m0rasses in Ireland.

Egypt is a land of donkeys, but they
have morasses in Ireland.
Why is Grant like power of attorney:
Because he knows all men by these pres
ents.
"Time softens all things" except the
young man who parts his hair In the
middle. Nothing can make HIM any
softer than he is.
Young man, when your intended
strikes at croquet ball and hits her
favorite corn, burst if you must, but
don't laugh.
at will come" said candidate for
Mayor Of st. Louis the other day, while
making stump speech, "just as sure as
it was that Romeo founded Rome"
"Two souls that beat as one," remark
ed the boy to his mother as she was
dealing with him for his sins with both
slippers at once.
3Heaven's Own is the name of a new
Nevada town where railroad passenger
saw woman pinning her husband to
the fence with pitchfork.
A woman does not always notice that
here is button off her husbands shirt,
but if he goes home with strange hair
on his coat sleeve she sees it a second,
and-if that were all.
In Norway the longest day lasts three
months. The man who six months ago
promised to call i'm in day or two and
settle that little bill, must have gone to
Norway on visit.
It's astonishing, says the New Orleans
Bulletin, to see how little there is of
some ladies in these days Of contracted
skirts. And it is equally astonishing to
see how much there is of some others.
when a mother cuts her sons hair
with such nice precision and artistic
neatness that the boy is ashamed to take
off his hat when he goes to bed, it is
about time our domestic institutions
were overhauled and remodeled.
Editors must be allowed the privilege
of apOlOgiZinG like other people. The
editor of the Northern ViildicdtOr, of
Emmett county, Iowa, apOlOgized for the
slimness of reading matter in his last
issue for the reason that he had been
weaving baby.
Mark Twain, apropOs of new porta-
bic mosquito net, writes that the day is
coming "when we shall sit under our
nets i'm church and slumber peacefully.
while the discOmftted flies club together
nd take it out ON the minister"
When two Pike county men are about
to make mule trade, the first questiO
l. 1>o,
whats his record?" Seller replies,
"Three niggers and couple dozen dash
boards" and the new owner leads his
property OIL.
When you see woman with raw
hide hid in the black drapery of her
morning wrapper, and calling g William
Henre-e-e" in key about four Octaves
above high G., you may know of a verify
that whaling expedition is about to
set eail.
Two countrymen went into hatter's
to buy one of them a hat. They were
delighted with the sample inside the
crown of which was inserted mirror.
'sWhat is the glass for 2" said one Of the
men. The other, impatient at such a
display Of rural ignorance, exclaimed,
the hat to see how its fits him."
A West-end man sang Don't be Angry
with me, Darling" as he larrupped his
wife with stirrup-strap. But she got
the bugle on him, and standing on his
stomach, twined her lilly fingers i'm his
locks, and as she strewed his fiaXen curls
about the kitchen floor, she softly war
bled, " Darling, you are Growing Bald"
Little Bessie is the daughter Of Free
port lady who married clergyman. Not
long since, when father was away, and
she was playing in the yard, a stranger
came along and asked if the minister
was at home. NO." she answered, but
my mother is in the house, and she
will pray with you, you miserable sim
ner." He passed on.
AS general thing, it not best to i'm
plore young gentlemen to dress gushing
ly; but if they will insist on wearing a
handkerchief in the rear pocket of their
pantaloons, it would be an ordinary
favor to blushing public to select such
as have ornamental borders. 1t is well to
feel sure it's handkerchief, that S all.
An Irish couple, few evenings since,
at about nine O'Clock, rang the doOr-bell
of one Of the Protestant parsons of
Chicago. The door was opened by the
clergyman, and, on inquiring what they
wanted, was informed by Michael that
he and Bridget came to get married.
Sand why" asked the parson, "dOn't
you 90 to the priest?" land sure we
did," answered Michael, ''and he tOuld
us to go to the divil, and so we came to
VOu.n