The daily Argus. (Rock Island, Ill.) 1873-1877, 1875-05-28
Sarcastic Humor on the Bench.

far from the home of our boyhood, and
wore his homespun and home made
clothes, drove his old horse, in q two
wheeled plain go.cart, and carried long
birch stick for a whip. He was an honest
and upright Judge, and afterwards q fru-
gal and exemplary member of congress.
He hated aristocratic preteution most Wig
orously, and loved the poor, the humble
and the unprotected. He delighted to get
hold Of case in which some rich aristo-
crat was endeavoring to Cypress a weak
and unprotected man, for then he made
the naughty and pretentious oppressor
hide his diminished head.
One day he got hold of just such case,
In Windsor, and he improved the occa-
sion." In the fall Of the year poor la
borer, travelling along the frozen road,
bare footed and foot-sore, had stopped in
shed adjoining the aristocratic mansion of
General Curtis, and pulled on an old pair
Of boots he found there. and walked on.
He was followed, arrested, indicted, plead
ed guilty, and threw himself on the mer-
cy Of the court. Assuming his sternest
mein, Judge Reyes expatiated. in long
and solemn sentences, upon the awful
crime of theft in general, and then he
set forth, in agonizing tones, the fearful
crime of stealing boots!-the prisoners
sore and bleeding feet were no excuse; it
was wrong to steal boots, and especially
wrong to steal them from rich man who
had a good many pairs Of boots; if he
had stolen them from poor man who had
only that one pair it would not
have been so bad, but to steal an old
pair of boots foom rich man who had a
good many pairs Of better boots, and who
did not need them, was a fearful crime.
And then the crime was greatly aggravat-
ed by stealing them from the great Gener-
al Curtis He should have stolen them
from some man not known to fame and
whose feelings were less likely to be agra
vatod by the loss of an Ole pair Of boots
And then, to steal the boots in the great
and rich, and aristocratic town of Winds.
erl where the state prison was located
where the Federal courts were held, and
where so many great and rich and noble
hearted men livedl The town and these
people must be protected! IF he had stol
en- the boots from some poor wood chopper
up in Groton Gap or Goshen Gore
or Plymouth Notch, it wouldn't have beer
so bad. And thus, with grave face ant
solemn mien, that good old judge ran OIL
with a stream of whitening sarcasm AM
rich drollery, the bar and the people on
broad grin, and the poor prisoner the wors
perplexed man ever known. Of course h
got the lightest possible sentence-an
Windsor pride and pretention were taugh
good lesson.
And now. speaking Of that vein of sa
castle humor which sometimes crops OF
from the bench, we are reminded, by a
article in the last weeks Geneseo Repul
Tic, of o memorandum we made, q lon
time ago, Of a case which occurred
the circuit court in this city, yea
ago, before our own Judge Ira o. Wiki
son, and which we intended to write L
before this, but kept putting it off uni
the Republic has anticipated US, and so v
use it's article, making such clerical CORE
tons as are necessary.
At the time referred. to, Z. r. Bea
Esq, a lawyer. and postmaster here, b
now deceased, owned the Bolmer plac
just below Col. Burgh's, and had lar
number of very fine fruit trees, the tru
upon which was sore temptation to IL
lads of those days and severely testt
their power to resist evil. These DO,
greatly annoyed Mr.. Bean by their fir
seemed to perfer that kind) and at las
he never was very patient) he went b
fore the grand Jury and procured an indie
ment against half dozen or so of the lad
In due time the cases were tried and IL
boys promptly convicted of stealing IL
apples, the punishment for which W;
Imprisonment for term not exceeding OF
year in the county Jail, according to IL
statute in such case made and provided
and as much less as the court in its mere
saw fit to name, Mr. Bean was great
elated. He had succeeded in convictir
the boys and he wanted them to suffer Il
severest punishment the law provide
The verdict was rendered in the evenil
and sentence was to be pronounced on Il
next morning. Judge Wilkinson 'hateC
it the worst way. He was free to say
the complaining witness who had his fri
hooked, and to his lawyer both of who
stuck strong for years imprisonme
for each ladl that he had no respect for Il
act making such boyish capers petit Ia
ceDy; that boy that wouldn't hook appl
would never amount to shucks; that if
boys 1.-THE Judge was and is an old bachel
dyed in the WOOL refused to steal appl
he'd whale them until they would, al
much more of the same purport 1t W
mean piece Of business getting the lit
fellows indicted-he didn't relish the pr
ceedings at all; but they had been tri
and convicted, and the law made it
duty to pass sentence on them.
The boys were called up to receive the
just deserts for the great crime comm
ted. They trembled like aspen leaves
the awful presence of the Judge. BefU
prOnouning the terrible words that were
doom these unhappy youths to dark du
geons and bread and-wat for they knt
not how long, the Judge delivered an
fecting homily on the enormity of t
crime they had committed and now sto
convicted of, and which had quite diff
ent effect on the audience than on the CT
prits. With austere countenauce and
Tenn air lie would impress on the tend
n ho bof A.