The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-12-15
MARK TWAIN At NIAGARA.

Niagara Falls is one of the finest struc-
lures in the world. have been visiting
this favoritc watering-place recently for
the first time, and was well pleased.
A gentleman who was with me said it
was customary to be disappointed in the
Falls, but that subsequent visits were
sure to set that all right. He said it was
so with him. He said that the first time
he went, hack fares we're so much higher
than the Falls that the Falls appeared in
significant. But that is all regulated
now.
The hackmen have been tanned. nun.
bered, and placarded and blackguarded,
and brought into subsection to the law,
and dosed with moral principle till they
are meek as missionaries.
They are divided into two clans now,
the Regulars and the Privatcers, and en-.
ploy their idle time in warning the peo-
pie against each other. The regulars
are under the hotel banners, and the Pri-
vateers prowl darkly on neutral ground
and pick off stragglers at half price.
But there are no more outrages and
extortions. That sort of thing cured it.
self. 1t made the Falls unpopular by
getting into the newspapers, and when
ever public evil achieves that sort of
success for itself, its days are numbered.
1t became apparent that either the
Falls had to be discontinued, or the hack
men had to subside. They could not
dam the Falls, so they did the hackmen.
One can be comfortable and happy there
now.
drank up most Of the American Falls
before / learned that the waters were not
considered medicinal. Why are people
left in ignorance this way? might have
gone on and ruined fine property
merely for the want Of a little informa-
tion.
And yet the sources of information are
not meager at Niagara Falls. Yon are
something in doubt what you ought to
do, but you are seldom in doubt concern
ing what you must do. If an infant can
read, that infant is measurably safe in
Niagara.
II you room at the hotel you will find
your course marked out in the most con-
venient way, by means of placards on the
wall, like these:
"Pull the bell.rope gently, but don't
jerk"
'.Bolt your door,
"Don't scratch matches on the walls
or furniture"
"Turn off your gas when you retire."
cite up your dog
IF you put your boots outside the
door they Will be BACKED, but the house
will no. be responsible for their return.'
This IS confusing and tanglesome
proposition, because it moves you to de-
liberate long and painfully as to whether
it will really be any object to you to
| have your boots BACKED unless they are
returned.
"Give your key to the omnibus driver
if you forget and carry it off with YOU"
Outside the hotel, wherever you wan
der, you are intelligcntly assisted by the
signs. You cannot come to grief as long
as you are in your right mind with so
many instructions to keep track of. For
instance:
"Keep off the grass.'
'Don't climb the trces.''
Islands off the vegetables
Don't hitch your horse to the shrub:
berry,
''Visit the Cave Of the Winds.''
Have your portrait taken in your car
riage.'
"Forty per cent in gold levied on all
peanuts and other Indian curiosities
| purchased in Canada
photographs of the Falls taken here"
''Visitors will please notify the Super.
intendent of any neglect On the part of
employees to charge for commodities, y
| mo inte1tion of this kind is obse1yed.)
Don't throw stones down there might
be people below "The proprietors will
not be responsible for parties who jump