South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-10-15

Toy banks are safest. II the bank
breaks the children get their money.

~ AuSnR fteSV0hS REMARKED young
lady .ninging her pull-back to the other
sids Of the room. This Is free coun.
try and fellow can have square sit
down occasionally"
One Winston was land probably
Is now negro preacher in Virginia.
and his ideas OF theology and human ma.
ture were often very original as the
following anecdote may prove.
A gentleman thus accosted the old
gentleman one Sunday:
winston. understand You believe
every woman has seven devils. How
can You prove it?''
Well, sab, did you never read in de
Bible how seven debbles were cast outer
Mary Magalin
"Oh, yes I've read that"
"Did you ebber hear of 'em bein' cast
out Of any oder woman, sah?"
mo, never did"
"Well. den. all de odders got EN- yet"
PIN BACK.-She was an elderly Ia.
dy. and as she seated herself ON one Of
the stools in dry goods store and ask.
ed TO be shown some 'caliker,' she re.
marked that when she was gall she
thought she was powerful lucky If she
got sixteen yards in q dress, and she
thought II a sinful waste Of stuff to nut
IN more; but she just .heern that Mrs.
x. was agoin' TO hev forty-two yards i'm
her new caliker, and she hoped that there
might be a cloud burst in seventeen mi.
nutes II that air woman should stare
round at her in church and make re.
marks about her clothes You can list
cut me of forty-three yards, and I'll have
it made pinback fashion, with an over.
dress and square mainsail, and flynn
jig, and a back.action, then I'll jis like
to see that stuck-up Mrs. X. put on any
airs over me.
IVA good story is told of a tea.ped.
Ter who lives not a hundred miles from
Naponce, Canada, and who was pushing
his avocatlon in the back country. Hav-
Ing called on poor woman and asked
her to purchase box Of tea, she told
him she was not able to buy it, whereup
on he proposed to take the baby that Law
In tue cradle in exchange for it, and she
at once consenting he took the baby and
left the tea, thinking the woman would
soon follow. When he came to the next
house he told what he had done, and was
informed that the baby did not belong to
the woman, but had been left with her
the night before. He then concluded to
return the child, but had to give the wo.
man another box of tea to take it back
lie says he will buy no more babies.
IR"Have You any five cent cigars?'
Eyes, sir" replied the clerk. "Have YOU
any for ten cents?" "Yes, sir" Have
you any for fifteen cents?" pursued the
wouldbe purchaser. Yes, sir, we
have" said the clerk, handing out box.
would you take fellows last cent for
cigar?" rather Indignantly queried the
customer. Eyes, 1 would" snappishly
returned the clerk. "Well, there il ia"
solemnly said the stranger as he depos-
tied one cent on the counter, and walk
ed Off with fifteen cent cigar.
IVA very fashionable Danbury lady
tried to mount the step in front of gro
Gerry, the other day. but her pull.back
prevented her. Several times she re.
peated the attempt bat without success,
while an anxious populace looked on
what do you suppose she then did? Re-
treated? Oh, no. She Just turned n.
round. and went up the step backward,
as easy as could be.
1Women's eyes have become dim
over the needle, women's hearts have
been broken over neglect. women's con.
situations have succumbed under per-
sistent cruelty; but Of all the hard.
ships true woman has to encounter.
there is none that tries her mind. brain
and body more than the attempt to walk
gracefully in a real fashionable PIN
'em-back.
1.-TWO Connecticut ladies redeemed
the reputation of their sex by presence
OF mind in White mountain stage acct.
dent the other day. The breakage of n
piece OF harness put the vehicle i'm peril
OF instant precipitation down an ABYSS.
but Mt the vehement call Of the driver.
instead OF fainting away, they jumped
out and blocked the wheels by placing
under them the rear projections of their
dresses. So fashion worked good on
that occasion.
VWe are informed by lady friend
that the proper name for those pinned.
back" skirts is the "grasshopper bump"
We will remember that in the future.
Ev Danbury has the champion patient
boy. He went TO n neighbor's house for
cup OF sour milk. II haven't any.
thing but sweet milk" said the woman.
pettlshly. "I'll wait till it sours," said
the obliging youth, sinking into chair.
Eg,"You would be very pretty, in.
deed said gentleman. patronizingly,
to.a Young lady, 'ifyour eyes were only
little larger" "My eyes may he very
small. sir, but such people as you don't
fill them"
EV'Here is bachelors opinion on n
i.....-.-L- !.