The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-09-30
A CHAPTER ON BOII,S.
INFALLIBLE CURES FOR TIE ENEMY OF
MANKIND.
[ From the Oneida CIrcular.1

j
''Ive had boil, got it yet in fact-a re-
gular, old fashioned eighteen carat ''bile ~
Well, while I've had it | have kept. clean
record of all the boil-cures that have been
urged upon me, and the publication thereof
| hope will result in the early cure of all
boils in this part of the universe.
My boil came the first part of the month
on my hip, and the first man who saw me
limp said
''Holloa corns hurt you?"
/ said, ''No, I've got boil"
Don't say? Well now, see here you
go right home and get some of Daley 5
ointment, and buy five cents worth of lint
and put it on your boil and it will be well
in twenty-four hours"
[ thanked him, got on horse-car, and
met another friend who urged me by all
means to make a bread-and-milk poultice
and lie perfectly quite till it should come
to head, for says he:
"Boils are sore things, and they don t
like to be jammed around much
thought so too, but before | had time
to say so another friend reached over and
touching me with his cane said:
"Did [ hear you remark that you were
suffering with boil?"
''Yes, sir, suffering is the world"
"Well, now, see here, John" says he,
call you've got to do is just to live it down.
Live well, eat plenty of beefsteak, mutton
chops, eggs, and omelets, and then if you
will drink Il glass of hot water before break
fast-not warm water, you know, but just
as you can stand it-you will drive all the
impurities out of your blood instanter."
Reaching my place of business [ found
first said:
"Now you just give me quarter and
I'll slip out to drug store and get a box
ofmcrcurial ointment, and it'll ease you i'll
less than three minutes. You see it drives
the matter back in the blood, and the
blamed thing has to heal up in spite of it
self"
But while 1 was taking out the quarter
another friend stepped up and begged me
not to waste time or money on mercurial
ointment he had had boils from boy up
to two years ago, when an old woman on
Long Island, friend of his mother-in-law,
had cured him completely; the matter
mustn't be driven back into the blood, but
must be coaxed out of it; if not there
could be no certainty about the thing.
"And now if you will just let your boy
60 down to botanic drugstore" said he,
land ask for ten cents worth of red cedar
berries, and take and stew them in pint
of water and drink the tea, you'll never
have another boil.
The next man was a woman who had lis
tened to the last two prescriptions. She
now put in her oar. Her husband had
had boils all over his body, and what she
knew about the boil business was only
equalled by the late III. G.. in the farm line.
There was only one sure cure for boils a
few cents worth of honey mixed with flour
and the yolk of an egg would draw about
to head quicker than all the salves in
creation.
My boy was standing, hat in hand, wait
ing patiently to be sent for one or all OF
these lotions when Wall street friend step
ped in and said:
"Why, / can cure you of a dozen boils
in less than two days any time, or at least
can go on any one in the 'treet. You
see we use Bears grease on the Bulls, and
the gall of Bulls to poutice the Bears with
Jay Gould buys all the dead bears at the
Central Park and Barnum's Museum, and
keeps ten men all the time boiling out
bears grease, and he often draws the sOr
est boils to head before the owners know
it :" besides he knew men who contracted
for all the bulls gals that came to Wash
ington Market.
| said, "My Christian friend, my boil il
too serious matter to joke about, and 1T
not your kind" | was about to admins
ter some needed advice to him when al
Irish tailor next door dropped in and urgeC
me to send out and get some shoemakers
wax and wear it on my boil just one day
and he would guarantee cure or make NJ
charge for his advice.
| sent my boy back with his hat, an'
seizing my own | started for home, hopin:
thereby to get rid of my tormentors, VIII
were as much worse than my boil as tn
boil was worse than u life-nsurance agent
But man might as well expect to stov
off chill as to free himself from boil-doc
tors. Before | reached home met an oil
friend who, after sympathizing with me
informed me that if | would just mix
teaspoonful of "Injun" meal in little W:
ter and drink it three times week 1t woul
eradicate all the effiuvia from the blooC
and make me feel like morning star.
On reaching home [ found Spirituali'
tic acquaintance, who has mission, waitin
for me. | mentioned to him that | had
boil. Said he:
'Why, I've had hundreds of them an
can cure them every time ; all you have
do is to wait till they come to head, an
then Git requires nerve to do, though, Ju
take razor or lancet and lay it open to I'll
bone, and cut the core right out by IL
roots p
suggested veins and arteries, and