Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1875-08-28
AN INFLATED COCKTAIL.
MIR. KELLEY's LESSON IN FINANCE
FROM A BARKEEPER.

MIR. KELLEY s LESSON IN FINANCE
FROM A BARKEEPER.
Correspondence of Ne,r York World.
CHICAGO, August TO- Mr.. KEEL
ley, whom Mr.. Morton does not
scruple to call "a gushing, sloppy
tourist" is out here endeavoring
to bring the people of the North
west to realizing sense Of the me-
cessity for an issue Of more curren-
cy. Rather an amusing and in
teresting occurrence has transpir-
ed during his visit, which has not
yet found its way into any Of the
local prints, but that the World
may deem worthy of publication.
On the morning after his great in
fia'ion speech, Mr.. Kelley felt
atilirst, and walking down into
the bar Of the fremont House babe
th attendant barkeeper mix him
a whiskey cocktail. While the b, r
bar-keeper WAS compounding the
liquor. syrup, bitters, ice and wa
ter in due proportions, he remark
ed: You re Senator Kelley, amt
you?' j am, but don't be afraid,
young man; don't be afraid, affa-
oily replied the great statesman.--
Il thought you was, said the artist
in liquors / heard you make a
bully speech last night up to Me-
Cornack's Hall. Was that all true
you told US about them bonds and
more greenbacks, and that other
shenanigan, eb?' 'rrue?' said the
apostle Of imitation of course it
was true / am man of princi-
pie, young man, man of strict
principle 'Keerect,' replied the
barkeeper, as he poured the COM
pleted cocktail in an amber arch
into the glass and filled tumbler
of water.
Mr. Kelley tasted the beverage.
See here, Johnny, that cocktail
doesn't rise and take me by the
throat as il should; / want it to be
all TO me that the name implies
Just make ii stronger and give it
to me in bigger glass, will you?'
The barkeeper promptly trans
ferred the contents into water
tumbler and added about twice
their quantity Of water.
Mr. Kelley observed, somewhat
testify lIelloo! helloo! What are
you doing, Ell? | wanted a bigger
drink-more of cocktail, you
know
The barkeeper smiled APOLOGIZE
cally, aud begged Mr.. Kelley's
pardon, emptied the diluted cock
tail into . weiss-bier glass, which
he brimmed with water. There
was an ocean Of fluid family ting
ed with plnkish amber, on the
surface of which fioated shred of
lemon-peel. The barkeeper push
ed the glass over to his customer,
and affably resting both hands on
the counter asked him how that
suited him.
Mr.. Kelley first rubbed his eyes
and then pinched himself to be
sure that he was himself and fully
awake; then lowered his spectacles
and inspected the bar-keeper mar
rowly. Young man. he said at
last, in his most solemn tones, do
you call that cOcktail?'
DO / call that cocktail?' he re-
piled, pityingly; 'what'r blazes do
you call it? That's the best cock
tail the world ever saw. There's
whiskey in il; there's gum it; there
is Angoctora bitters in it; there's
lemon-peel in it; there's water in
it; there's ice in Ii; and don't they
make cocktail? And besides it's
called a cocktail, just the same as
a dollar is called a dollar; and now
don't that make it a cocktail? You
can do anything with that cocktail
that you could do with any other
cocktail; you can drink it, you can
pay for it don't that make it as
good as any other cocktail? What |
do you take me for? Haven't /
read your speecnes?'
But, gasped Mr. Kelley, grow
ing very red in the face, there's |
too much water in it,
Too much water!' rejoined the
barkeeeper.
why, you mus have so much |
water in a cocktail, anyhow,
you? You -et your whis-
key like what you financial sharps |
call reserve, and then you issue
your cocktail on that basis. You
see, you have an elastic cocktail =
a cocktail that adapts itself to the
wants of the customer. If he
wants a strong drink he don't
want much water; if he wants a
long drink I'll initiate his cocktail
till its volume equals his necessi-
ties. / tell you I've studied up
this here financial problem
But, butt stammered Mr.. Kel-
ley, there isn't drop more whis-
kew all the while. and every dron