The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-11-11

NOE1N RACY1.
Adde'S = .au.unas peen-s.ke
tycss !cssas aaa 80.
Tho Baltimore Amsriesn tells Of .
snake there as large a. barrel. They
must wear good sized boots in Balti-
more.
| Distant relations-People who i'm
imagine they have ! claim to rob you
if you are rich, md 70 insult you II
you are poor.
The Mexican baby eater seems to
have fully demonstrated the truth Of
the saying that the child 10 fodder TO
0he man. 4
| Mr.. Burrow 10 proposed % . can.
didate for ofsce in Tennessee, His
constituents consider him 6rst.rate
man to gopher.
Annie Grubb is the daughter OF .
farmer, and when she is It the churn,
she is Grubb that makes the but
ter fy.
"Fiaven't you got cheek y was re.
sponse Of four year old boy when
his teacher, 1t his 6rst day Of school.
asked il be could read.
An old gentleman who went to
meet two pretty nieces for whom he
was legal guardian told his wife that
no was going to ward meeting.
Ssasonable advice: No economical
man will steal his thanksgiving tur-
key yet, - the bird would eat up
twice its cost before wanted.
A woman purchasing some cups
and saucers Was asked what color she
would have. "Why, I amt particu.
lar" said she: "any color that won't
show dirt"
The New York Commercial 1drer.
tiser objects to star spang!ed banner
stockings next year, on the ground
that they are too much calculated to
make the wearers footsteps flag"
Talk about the ex,ravagance iu
dress of women" cries Martha Jane,
exultingly. "What do you say 70
Tweed's six million suit I'd like to
know? He isn't q woman, l guess"
A certion New York dry goods
merchant, in want ofa boy, lately
displayed the following suggestive
notice. "Boy wanted that has fully
rested himself, aud is not too intel
lectua'."
At restaurant the other day 4
man inquired, reading from bill OF
fare. "What is this si,loin Of beef q
u .faOscier s'-'.i suppose that is .
Gu. from the stock exchsngebull," re-
piled his friend.
All the theatical and circus mana
gers are incensed At q Kansas Judge
He has decided that man and his
wife being one under the law both
can 90 to any place Of amusemen, on
ticket marked admit one"
"What can ! do to make you love
me more?" asked q youth of his
girl, the other evening. "Buy me
ring, stop eating onions, and throw
your shoulders back when you walk"
was the immediate reply.
A facetious boy asked one of his
intimates why . hard ware dealer was
like boot maker: The latter, some
what puzzled, gave it up. "Why,"
said the other, "bccause one sold the
nails and the other nailed the soles."
Monogram waist.belts are the
latest agony among the would be con-
spicuous girls of the period. At .
distance they look-the monogram
part--like labels from Chinese tea
boxes; as they are worn 50 near the
cheat the impression is sustained
A woman cured her husband Of
staying out At night by going to the
door and whispering through the key
hole: "Is that Won, Willie!" her hus.
bands name is John, and he stops at
home now, and sleeps with one eye
open, and a revolver under his pillow.
Katie Putman's company was here
ast week, and q young Danbury
,lerk. who gets 910 week, took his
girl every evening At IS cents a seat,
eaving him just 81 Of his weeks sal.
sry to pay his current expenses. And
yet people talk Of the decline of chiv.
Aly.-Ne,es.
The Rev. Charles Fisher, of Hart.
ord, Conn, has married 1900 coup.
es. He would have retired from the
business long ago, but the kissing Of
brides has become such confirmed
habit with him that he couldn't quit
t without an attack Of the delirium
.remens.
A little boy of four years standing
n the moonlight by his sister aged
,ix, said to her: "Isn't God = good
nan, Nelly, TO give us such beauti-
'ul moon?" "Oh, Freddy" said the
lister, in earnest remonstrance, "don't
:all God . man, for if ever there was
! gentleman, I'm sure G cd is one!.'
Some people are too trusting for
his world. At = recent trial, the
prisoner entered plea Of mot gull
~" when one Of the jurymen put on
his hat and started for the door. The
Judge called him back, and informed
him that he couldn't leave until the
,ase was tried. "Tried!" queried the
Juror. "why, he acknowledges that he
is not guilty.
Fish Commissioner Shaw desires
papers of Iowa to notice that 100000
California salmon are now Matching
md will be ready for distribution in
sixty days. Those who intend to &C.
cure portion of the young fry will
do we'll to attend to the matter at