Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-09-10
II IT MO e

the Every first WATER" OF more; and she
married regular fne-haired ''swell'' who
clerked in a dry goods store. And he
clerked, and he clerked, till at last he fell
into trouble with some of the money; and
they went out West, in a way, folks tell
not particularly funny. And after time
the belle came home, the old folks for to
see; and the neighbors asked, when they
found she d come, what her husbands biz
might be. ''Oh, he is railroad man now, y
she said; Assistant Conductor" said
she; but some one asked, as he shook his
head, what the dickens that might be.
And then, with that high old ''style'' of
hers, she answered the interrogation ::
ssHe assists in Stacking the speed of the
cars when the train approaches station. y
GRAMMAR AND CLEAN CoRNERs.--A
female servant in the family of a gentle
man in the Department of the Interior,
Washington, is allowed to make a yearly
visit to her old home in Richmond, Va.
Last summer, when she left, a substitute
was employed, mlllattO girl, who had
been quite we'll educated. She performed
the duties in a rather Indifferent manner.
When the regular servant returned she be-
gan her tour of investigation to ascertain
how her work had been done, and was dis
pusted at the evident want OF neatness
manifested everywhere. Her indignation
finally found vent In the following, to her
mistress: s'Ill tell you what it is Miss
-, you can't get grammar ard clean
corners out of the same nigger!" Which,
if true, offers a knotty problem in refer
ence to the education Of the race.-Har-
pers's Magazine.
SHE PAID THE Two CENTs.-A red
faced woman with big market basket
boarded the car at Hoosick street, and
when the conductor came for his fare she
gave him eight cents, and he said THE
fare is ten cents sI'll not give it to yees,
said she: ssye'ye no right to ask me more
than they do en- the other cars.' "Ten
cents or | put you off, said the con-
ductor quietly. 'sPut me off. Ihin: I'llnot
pay ten cints." Just at this moment an
other passenger handed the conductor
fare, and he took UP the new-fangled belt
punch the conductors carry now to mark
the fare, and she had evidently never ell
one. ooh, betlad " she slrieked, don't
shute: I'll give yees the other two cints ~
and then her look of fright changed to
one of astonishment at the roar of laugh
ter that followed, buG she paid the other
two ''cints."
It is told of man poorley dressed. that
he went to church seeking an opportunity
to worship. The usher did not notice him,
Int seated several we'll dressed persons,
who presented themselves, when finally
the man addressed the usher, saying:
Gan you tell me whose Church this is?''
eyes, this is Christ's Church. as
SIS he in?' was the next question, after
which seat was not SO hard to find.
A ragged little urchin come to lady's
door, asking for old clothes. She brought
him a vest and pair of trousers, which she
thought would be a comfortable fit. The
young scape-grace took the garments and
examined each; then with disconsolate
look, said, "There amt no watch pocket
A : ther fearing an earthquake in the
region Of his home, sent his two boys to a
distant friends until the peril should be
over. A few weeks after the father re-
ceived this letter from the friend: "Please
take your two boys home and send down
the earthquake.
When freedom from her mountain
height unfurled her standard to the air,
her skirts pinned back so very tight, made
her appear exceeding spare.
Josh Billings remarks; "The only way
to CIT thru this world and escape censure
and abuse is to take sum back road. You
kant travel the main turnpike and do it,
An English editor has invented no in
snnropriate name for certain kind of
American religion; he calls it "Pewism."
The New Yosk HERALD asked is there
too mucl, iroIas Don't know, but there is
altogether too much steal.
A Western editor returned tailor's
t,,. endorsed, Declined; handwriting il
Iegible- y
4 saratoga bell writes home: ''It is hor-
"a bere-not a man in town worth over
b15, Ooo.7'
guyhu cannot temperance man kiss
ro.-oes2 He has sworn not to taste jew
fps. 1,o,1oo, xz,;+ba,+
mo b;ch words, but it is death to sal
vat.
now definition for an old maid is-a
uoman who has been made for a long tlme.