The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-05-07
.wees Pickles.
Old Observation-Disclosures.

who has failed to obtain promotion,
like an Illicit machine? Because he
is 9 private still 7
Many of the nabobs of THU coun-
try have secured their riches by not
putting on a million airs, as g great
many poorer people do.
We read a good deal in the pa
pers of stylish turnOuts in Wash
ingtOn. Buffers turnout, though
not stylish, has been much admired.
Red, used on a railroad, signifies
danger, and says stop. The same
color displayed in a mans nose may
well be interpreted to give a similar
warning.
A handkerchief formerly belong
ing to William Penn will be exhib-
tied at the Centennial. 1t has q
hole in The middle which William
blasted out.
When a Detroiter was asked the
other day by a traveller if he had
ever been in Brooklyn, he fastened
to answer "Do I look like one of
that sort of men, cir ?"
81 don't care much about the
bugs" said Wormly, to the head of
g genteel clearinghouse, shut the
fact is. madam, / haven't the blood
to spare; you see that yourself"
"Cut that meat for you? OF
course l will" said a Kansas wait
er, as he strapped a case knife on
his bootleg. The man was one of
your particular men from Boston,
and he got up and left.
When a clergyman applies at the
depot for minister's ticket, and
the official ventures to express a
doubt as to his clergical character,
he says: "Ill read one of my SER
MONS" The ticket is passed over
instantly, without any proof.
A country newspaper out West
thus heads its report of a fire /:
"Feast of the Fire Fieud-The
FOrked Tongued Demon Licks with
its Lurid Breath n Lumber Pile
Are the Scenes of Boston and Chi
cago to be repeated? Loss S75."
A farmer told his man TO run into
the pasture and catch an OK. 81
mean the off one I will manage the
other myselG" he said. The man
ran TO do as he was hidden, but
suddenly paused on the way with
the exclamation, "He is O reasona-
BILE fellow, anyway. How am to
know which is the orphan ?"
A Western editor, thinking 10
oEnoky HE AonlofoH 1or1nu
ed "POultry taken in exchange for
advertising" The viIlainous COM
position, seeing his opportunity to
pay up long standing grudge, set
it up "Poetry taken, tc."-and
since that time the office boy has
been clearing fifty cents a day from
the waste paper man.
care you going after that su-
gar? called q Marquette mich. }
mother to her boy, who was in the
street. IAN / going after that SUI
gar 2" drawle6 the youth in a saucy
and impudent tone; but just then
he happened TO see his father COM
ing up behind him, and he said
very respectfully and lovingly :
"Why, of course am, ma; / didn't
know you needed it right away"
There is a story of a certain Bos.
ton Doctor of Divinity, whose name
they spell with a 'P." A man of
the same name died, and a Jealous
newspaper fellow, seeing the death
in the paper and thinking only of
DIR. F., wrote a most enthusiastic
obituary. A wag met DIR. p. the
next day. "What, are yon not
dead J" he said. "Well, then, you
ought to be. No man can eyer live
up to that obituary"
Some smarty writes and many
papers have quoted the following
sentence: "Forty girls will run Sf-
ter q snob with gold-headed cane,
where one will shy up to q fellow
with sound horse sense" When
we say that forty men will run af-
ter flirt who can sing little and
thump on a piano, To where one
will shy up to q plain. hard sense
girl who is not ashamed to help her
mother get dinner, the case stands
about even.
Some men can do such q disagree
able thing in such a way as to re-
move more than half the sting.
Thus George Smith, who worked
| by nights in q Troy car shop, when
called upon to eirpe with the wife
of his friend Anderson, first made
arrangements with his employer
that Anderson should be promoted
to the position he vacated, The
contract was fulfilled all around
and Anderson, with his increased
wages, has bought a new house and
Is looking for young wife.
Yesterday was indeed an event.
full day in the life of lady on west
Jackson street. During a trip or
the street cars to State street and
back, she saw the loveliest polon'
aise pattern she ever saw in heI
life, the handsomest fellow she eyer
saw in her life, the hOmeliest wo.
man she ever saw IN her life, got
the worst fright she ever bad In bel
life from the druDkest man she eyer
saw in her life, never was so insult
ed In her life ss she was by q young
man who spoke TO her on the car
and finally got home feeling more
tired than she ever felt in her life
Chicago Tribune.
Sir HarTy's Musings.
I've banqueteo on Luxuries
Produced in every cline:
Feasted on luscious turtle soup
And supped on oysters prime;
But oh, never, never met
Such dear excess o ( bliss
As thrills the soul when lips receive
An inspiration kiss.
In Rlittering halls Of spIeuder rare
pVe passed the midnight hours:
In gardens beautiful and far
I've wandered midst the flowers;
But there's nothing % delicious
In such q world as this,
As pious conversation, and
/ A lingering pleasure kiss
In my last hour when death draws
near,
j In darkness and il gloom,
Nap WO@an's smile my pathway chez
And guide me 70 the tomb;
Aud when my soul shall seek the iizh
4 OF other world than this,
Giv0 me- 90 wing II for IT'S Hight
j A paroSS srHaI Kiss.