The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-04-08
WHOLE NO. 1854.
Miscellaneous.

! alderman beecnercuuch nelpS 10 gov
|, ern Cairo
Sure to produce short crops-the bar
ber's shears.
Signs OF spring-the lightning-rod men
are on the road.
New Bedford has but one whaler left
a schoolmaster.
Order is heavens first law, and it has
never been repealed.
To make tall man short-try to bor-
row five dollars of him.
Chicago intends to have botanical
garden. 1t already has beer garden.
Uncle-How did the mother of Moses
hide him?
Niece-With a stick.
Detroit has poet worth $1,000 but it
is superhuous to say that he isn't good
poet.
A puppy and an accordeon was the
marriage fee offered to Cedar Springs
clergyman, the other day.
At the spelling school in Indianapolis
all the lawyers, editors, clergymen and
teachers went down on "ipecacuanha."
1t is no harm to shoot cat in Ver-
mont but if you happen to miss the cat
and kill a boy, the authorities make an
awful fuss over it.
"There that explains where my clothes
line went tol" exclaimed an Iowa woman
as she found her husband hanging in the
stable.
A New Orleans paper says the dollar
stores in that city are places where you
may buy a twenty-five cent article you
don't want, for four times its value.
1T isn't loud praying which counts
with the Lord so much as giving four full
quarts for every gallon" says an Arkan-
says an Arkansas circuit rider.
In case in a Detroit court last week,
hack-drivcr's testimony was impeached.
AS Washington said of Arnold's treason:
Whom shacl we trust now?"
'One fortunate thing in being king"
says the Detroit Free Press. sis that
kings never have to get up nights and
lug the potatoes in beside the coal stove"
An italian nobleman has taken up his
residence in this city for a while. He
turns the crank with the same facility as
the rest of his brother exiles.
A Boston journal prints directions
how to walk with safety down inclines of
plate glass showered profusely with oil"
The best plan is to slide off and take to
the street.
A lady in Memphis says she doesn't
want any jewelry, hasn't looking glass
in the house, and wouldn't take silk
dress as a gift. Memphis has another
living curiosity-a cross-eyed cat.
A ST. Louis sergeant of poIieafroZe to
death few nights ago v Rffs making his
rounds. This is another awful commen-
tary on the foolish custom of closing the
saloons at IL o'clgek.
An Ohio youth is to be hanged next
March for killing small boy to obtain
posse ssss>of pound of brown sugar. 1t
was the principle of the thing, not the
sugar, which influenced the jury.
Julius, why didn't you oblong your
stay at the Springs?'
''Kase, Mr. Snow. dey charge too
much" A
How so, Julius2'
"Why, de landlord charged dis coIoredN
individual wild stealing de spoons"
Above all things, learn your child to
be honest and Industrious; if these two
things don't enable him to make figure
in the world, he is only cypher, and new
er was intended for figure. -
An Indianapolis paper says of an Indi-
ana Senator: His chagrined look when
he clutches that pointed beard to milk
his brain, and they won't give down,
has a most depressing look to all behold
ers"
1--WE measured the riotous baby against
the cottage wall'' is the, beginning of a
poem in a Milwaukee paper. This is GER
tainly an improvement on the old plan
of sitting down on the refractory squal-
Ter.
''Will the boy who threw that pepper
on the stove please come up here and
get present of nice book" said Sum-
day-school superintendent in Iowa; but
the boy never moved. He was far-see-
ing boy.
One of the girls at Vassar keeps up her
studies, keeps track of eight love stories
in weekly papers, writes twice week to
five young men, sews for charitable So
ciety and finds time to ride and skate
and practice for concert.
Those two Kentucky lady hotel clerks
are winning commentators daily. They
possess no single characteristic of the
males of their hair in the middle.
A country pastor said to one of his
feminine congregation: Are you hap
py?' Yes, sir" she replied; "I feel as
though | were in BeeIzebubs bosom"
Not in Beelzebub's?' "Well, some of the
don't care which.
Twins, marm,' sez I, 'twinsr once
wrote the lamented Artemus Ward. So
chronicle we similar case on King
street. last Thursday, which makes four
such events in Danbury within six weeks.
But the last twins were calves.
The first letter that Elizabeth wrote to
Mrs Ovington was sad one, but the
second was cheerful. A woman's humor
ii like hand organ, in which the "Casta
Diva" and Sally Come Up are only sep
The following puzzle is again on its =
rounds: ITO five and five and flsty-five
the first of letters add; twill make
thing that killed the king and drove o
wise man mad" 1t was published first
about twenty years ago. and has never
been correctly answered, But they say
there is an answer.
1t may be all right, but if we were Mrs.
LiAermore we should object to being
called IAN amiable and pulchrltudinous
lady," 1t is the reckless use of the sylla-
Dles like these which does more to en-
extravaganza and debauch soci-
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