The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-01-30
WIT AND WISDOM.

"a Sunday evening discourse for advanced
tinkers."
Where do people 70 who deceive their
fellow-menl" asked aseunday school teach
er Of pupil. To Europe" was the
prompt reply.
An Indiana Judge has decided that IL
woman shorten pie-crust with butter at 80
cents per pound, her husband has ground
for divorce.
Caesar, said Sambo, "I berry nearly
got house de odder day." Deed. Sam
DO, how was dat7' ''Why," replied sam
DO, 81 asked man to gio me- his house.
and he said no. If he said -yes, should
hab had one."
For heavens sake lend me five dol
lars, " said destitute man 20 his friend.
II have had nothing in my house 10 lnt
for four days but rice" ''fticei" Haid the
other, If had known you had rice L
would have come around 10 dinmar. The
ivo dollars were not forthcoming asA en-
Peoeed-~- $50 .s n
whose daughter has weakness for an ar
tist: II hear that you take walks with
hA0b PtNbhAC hAohAAB AAafb H.
more to say to him. A pretty fellcw, with
scarcely coat to his back. Smart Grand
sou: 'Oh, come now, grAn'pa, he's not
much worse off than you in that respect,
for it was only yesterday heard the doc
tor say that you had not any coat to your
stomach.
In country village little fellow about
six years Of age was sent for a peck Of
meal for his grandmother. The shopkeep-
er, having put rather much IN the scale,
was in the act Of lifting some cut, when
the youth cried, stop, stop my grannie's
peck III hold it ~.
Mamma, where do the cows get their
milk RI asked Willie, looking ur from the
ioamlng nan of milk heihad heen intently
regarding. ''Where do you get your
terrsf" was the answer After a thought
full silence he broke out again BY saying,
"do cows have to be spankedf'
A pouting bride on her first sea voyage
writes home. The motion Of the screw
steamer is like ridinga gigantic comel that
has the heart disease, and you do not miss
a single throb. | know of nothing to com
pare with it for boredom. unless it be your
honeymoon when you have married for
money"
Your Honor, said a prisoner to a
Paris judge, My lawyer is not here, and
request a delay Of the case tor eight
days" But, said the Judge, you were
caught IN the act of THEFT, and what could
any lawyer say for your" That IL just
what | should like TO hear said the prison
er, and the Court laughed, but sentenced
him for year.
well-known character in Dundee,
good many years ago, when her husband
was dying, used To smoke up the chimney,
as the tobacco smoke made him cough. A
friend who Was with her, helping to nurse
her husband, came and said TO her
Your gudemans at rest moo, Margaret"
"Ow, than, said she, Il needna smoke
up the lum any longer.
The son of a devuut old Scotch clergy
man having married without his fathers
appreciation, the old man took occasion In
the first family gathering when the bride
and groom were present to insert his
opinion IN the middle Of prayer IN this
wise: Thou hast added, o Lord, u our
family. 50 has been thy will, it wad nev-
er hae been mine. But if it is Of Thee, do
Thou bless the connection But if the fule
hath done it out o carnal desire, against a
reason and credit, may the cauId rain "
adversely settle in his habitation
Baggs got up too early one morning.
and began to seold the servant girl. His
little six x-yearold, who had been listening
attentively during the conversation, broke
IN with, Father stop scJidIng you neel
not think Jane is your wife
This is what western jenkins saw AZ A
wedding reception the other evening. TILE
jellies upon the bridal supper tables we're
pure amber masses of qulvering translu-
cence, catching the wine-colored prisms "
perfumed light and holding them III tire
mulous mirrors Of rosy beauty
AS great and exalted spirits undertake
the pursuit of hazardous actions for the
good of others, at the same time gratifying
cir passion for glory, 50 40 worthy minds
in the domestic way Of life, deny them
selves many advantages, to satisfy gener-
al beneVolence; which they bear tO their
friends oppressed with distresses and ca
lamitles
student was reprimanded by tfa Pro
fessor for his lateness at morning prayerA
and excused himself on the plea that the
prayer took place too late How, said
Professor, lis SIX O'Clock too lste" "Nes.
sir, " replied the student. IF you had
them about four | could attend, but uo
man could be expected to stay up until six
o'clock.
'When ! was boy, said am old man,
1--WE had a schoOlmaster who had an odd
way Of catching the idle boys. One day
he called Out To Us, boys, ! must have
closer attention TO your books The trst
Que that sees the other idle want YOU u
inform me and viii attend tO the caaa
"'Ahn thought ] 10 myself there u Joe
Simmons that don't like. I'll watch him
and II see him look otf Ms book | II tell
II vas not long before ! saw Joe look ot
his book, and Immediately informed the
master
~ Indeed, said he, how aid you know
he was idlef
" i saw him, said !.
/" You didi And were your eyes On your
books when you saw hnY
ii was caught, and ! never looked fOr
idle boys again.
II We are sufficiently watChful over OUR
own conduct, we shall have nU time tO
find fault with the conduct of others. Time
is short, and If your cross be heavy, re-
| member Won have not far tU carry Id.