The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1875-11-16
Ia MFsTEREOUs JIM. gti
4 | Il ---i s.ff III
A Ulah subject Under the Hands
Ut Il PhrenOlOsist.
From the Salt Lake Tribune.)

The boys said be was 'bumpologist,'
and he spfsad his tricks in the Head
quarters Saloobe ! laying his hand ON
the hack of bar-room chsi', he said:
"Gentlemen,H anna phrennlogist; and
il one Of you win pleaseltake This seat l
shall endeavor to illustrate this grand
sccpees giving YOU lhe. names ard func-
tions OF the Various organs, and =
Say, pard, hold up thar! I'm your
chicken and as Mysterious Jim settled
himself into the chair he continued:
This sculp of mine was through the
mill, pard I've had yards Of stickin'
,aasier ON TO that thar. AM if yer after
bumpsI rather think yell find 'em."
You could hear pin drop upon the
floor as fhe, man of science passed his
hamis' through Tire iron gray hair of that
tough head. After feeling around care
ultw fora few minutes,.he lsaid:l.S aa5
"Gentlemen, the brain is the organ of
the mind according TO size, culture, and
so forth will there be mental manifesto
tions. The. seat Of intellectis the fore
head; the affections are in the backhead !;
Che construction, or 60 ahead power, is
on the side; moral and spiritual senti-
ments are fouhd on thetop. 5Iifind that
this gentleman has theaorganic quality
fairly developed, his tastes are elevating
rather thso Degrading, Land Ahis tenden-
cies are upward, rather"
1.Cprrect yeiare, paip ;uP to the f1uime
ain't no name for II. Fraser River
gave me the first boost, and I've been
goin' up ever since -
..Do not interrupt, please. ] find he
has s,full ishate )of vital stamina; can
work well and endure considerable hard
ship. but has no life force to waste on
fruitless efforts; his"
9rRight again, Bumpy. I,be dog-gone
IL ] ai1't been, tryin' to explain that pint
for the last twenty five years, and amt
saved yit. Fruitless work don't agree
with my constitution, nohow ye can fix
itsaaslle1 & . 8[ fsasF sS,fIiafsss :.
II beg Of yousnot to interruptthe pro-
ceedings again He loves the opposite
sex with good deal Of tenderness,
and"
.eSay Bumpy, hold ,on thar! Jist
place my anger on that bump, SO; what
do We. callthst r" & 10
"That is called Amativeness. Your
,eBunpy let me feel, round that bump
and think. I've a, faint recollection of a
womah, billet of stovewood and that
bamp. .sSay i love the women as much
as ye please bat, pard, go slow about
the tenderness" And Jim took chew
of tobacco.
The phrenologist continued:
"His love for home is not very strong,
s4A be can remove from sone place to
another without regret"
.a.Mysterious Jim springs to his feet as
though stung by hornet. "Say. bar
keeper; mix cocxtail,for bumpy = he's
trump card every time. What-don',
indulge? Take lemonade; it's good,
for preachers take it," al9 =
While the bumpologist was slipping
his drink, Jim continued sG
"Regret pullin up stakes? Not much.
list got fifteen minutes to leave Vir-
ginia, an hour to git out of Helena, and
BY gum jist made the rifle out of Boze-
man by the Skin of my teeth. Regret
leavin! well I shouldn't say so, by Ju-
piterr' s., s,aesNl. a. as6ss
s'Combativeness fairly developed,
continued Bumpy, aand he can be arous-
ed to degree of combative spirit not
easily resisted, but disposed to shrink
from rough and disagreeable contact
aThat is, disposed ter git under the
table when the lights are out and pistol
practices goin' on! Correct every time
Bampy. Proceed y
.You will always assert and maintain
your rights, giving way to no opposi'
ton III
ssThat's it here, eh ?" said Jim, placing
his hand on bis head. ..Well, come to
think, / believe pick-handle helped to
develop that bump wonderfully"
~ end hope very small"
"Shouldn't wonder, Bumpy. I've been
livin' on hope on half ratious nigh onto
twenty years. / sot over prairie dog
hole sixlhours one time, waitin' for hin
to come out, and he didn't If that won't
usea bump up,- I'd just like to know
what would Geewhilikins! but / was
hungry; hadn't had square meal in {
month"; ~ ~
Having dismissed Jim, the phrenolo
gist expressed his readiness to Gil charts
Tor the boys.
Mysterious Jim said as he took hi.
drink at the bar: aa.
"No use huntin' up bumps on my
head, boys: they were all knocked intt
one long ago."