The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-06-12
WIT AND WISDOM.

What holds all the snuff in the world
No one nose.
Some ingenious observer has discovered
that there IS remarkable resemblance be-
tween a baby and wheat, since it is cradled,
then thrashed, and finally becomes the
flower Of the family.
Dear me, how fuidly Ne talks" said
Mrs Partington recently, az a temperance
meeting Il am always rejoiced when he
mounts the nostrils, for his eloquence
warns every cartridge in my body.
An aristocratic New Yorker. on being
requested by rich and vulgar young fell
low for permission to marry zone of his
girls" gave this rather crushing reply
Certainly which would YOU prefer the
hOusemaid Or the cook l''
The new building Of the New York
| Tribune Is nine stories nigh When a man
comes IN and wants 70 know who wrote
that article, he is told that the author is
on the top floor with the elevator broken.
A small boy in New Haven made sen
sation for a short time by quietly trans
ferrng card bearing the words take one"
from a lot Of handbills in front Of store
| to a basket Of oranges.
| When the wind Is adverse and it blows a
brisk gale,
And the ship has to tack and to shift
every sail,
woat then is she Ike, in a nautical
phrase
Why, lady Of fashion she's always in
stays
Conversation is the daughter Of reason
ing, the mother acknowledges, the breath u
the soul. the commerce Of hearts, the bond
Of friendship, the nourishment Of content,
and the occupation Of men Of wit
What, then, Is she like, in a nautical
At a recent meeting Of a society com
posed If men from the Emerald Isle. a
member made the following motion Mr.
President move yes whitewash the
ceiling green, ia honor Of the old flag.
''What this crowd around here for. de-
Inanded policeman the other night, as he
came upun dozen boys grouped near the
gate VI the house on Second street keep
still, replied one of the lads, f" there
comes Old John, tight ~ a brick. and we're
waiting here 70 see his wife pop him with
the rolling pin he opens the front
door"
A rustic youngster, Icing asked out t.
take tea with friend, admonished 70
/ praise the eatables. Presently the butter
Vas passed to him, vhen hr remarked.
| Very nice hutter-a hat there IS of it,
and observing "A smile, he added, "and
I plenty Of lt-such As Do Is.
My son said father To liz little 10y
at the breakfast table, IF YOU had the
choice to be burned at the stake, like John
Rogers or to have your head chopped IF
\ like King Charles the First, which would
I you choose N John Rogers sand the
\ boy. And why l' Because" replied
the boy, ~ should prefer "a hot steak to a
cold chop.
| The Inconsistencies Id our othography
are something fearful 70 contemplate
/ Tongue spells tongue, and the man
who hrst spelled it should have been
hOngue. Ache spells ''ache, ''and that's
all you can mache out of it. Eight
spells eight, no matter how you depre-
ceight the idea and that aisle should
spell aisle, and f-e-I-g-n feign' il enough
TO make anybody smaisle, if the effort were
not too peignful.
] Jones gave a lawyer a bill to be collected
/ to the amount " $50. Calling for it, after
awhile, he inquired if it had been collect
ed. ''Oh, yes, said the lawyer, :" have
it ali for you" ''what charge for collect
I ing l' Oh, said the lawyer laughing,
I'm not gong 70 charge yot-why | have
known you ever since You were baby, and
| your father before you so vail BE- about
\ right, handing over SO "Well said
Jones, AZ NJ meditated upon the transac-
ton. ''its darued lucky he didn't know my
! grandfather, Or | shouldn't have got any
thing
And nov, Mrs, sullivan, said the
council, will you be kind enough tO tell
the jury whether your husband Was ia the
habit lf striking ynu with impunity r'
'Wid what. sir IN with umpunIty."
/ He Was, SIT, now and thin, but he struck
me oftener wid his tisht. M
St Louis il a nice place for hungry
man. The directory viii tell him where
he can find l oyster, Rave, l3 Frys, q
Fish, 4 salmon, trout, l Snad, / Mack
eral, ] Porges, Pixies, fowies Chicks,
/ Hams, 80 Lambs, Pickles, pudding, .
\ Pyes, = Figges, 2 Nuts, = Cotfees .
Segers.
| laughed once, surely, when .lmanlty
should, perhaps, have kept me l. but
then there were a score Of others .aughed
with me, 50 the burden Of the fault was
divided
On Cur way from Conway TO Centre
Harbor, N. H., by stage, We stopped be-
fore small cottage On the outskirts Of
lamworth, from which our driver took two
trunks aud two blooming damsels From
their conversation, after We had started on
our way again, W. discovered that the elder
girls name was Eliza, and the others,
Susan. Eliza had travelled before. She
knew the world. She had worked IN the
mills at Great Falls, and had cut her eye
teeth. Susan had never travelled until
now, and was as unsophistcated an iu-
fant. She was leaving home for the first
time To try her fortune m the great
mills and klizs was her guide anu pro-
tectOr.
As the stage approached Centre HarbOr,
where We we're 70 take dinner before cross
ing the lake, Eliza became very earnest IN
instructing her companion as u how she
should behave, especially az the table aud
as We pulled up before the broad piazza III
the Senter House, she concluded her ill.,
functions with
Now mind, Susan, and watch me- d.
Just as | do, and all will be right.
y S4atcd AZ the hotel table the polite waiter
came hrst 70 Eliza.
"RjAst beef aud roast turk ~. SAID
he.
Turkey, if you please, said Eliza.
''Nhat part Of the fowl would you
Ike ,"
1T is perfectly immaterial
Next he came to Susan,
Roast beef and roast turkey"
Turkey, Il you please,
What part 40 you prefer y
81 think, answered Sasan, with con
hdent smile, that | will take q piece "
the tta,a1feriaI foo