Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1875-04-17
Pulling am Undertaken.
I From tic Detroit Free Press.

"
reached The head of the stairs, and
now | want the puff
He was very tall slender man,
had face which hadn't smiled
since 1912, and his neck was en-
braced by q white cravat. and his
hands were thrust iffto black
gloves
I've got q new hearse, a new
stock of collins, and / want local
notice, he continued, as he sat
down and sighed, as if ready to
screw coffin lid down.
My dear sir, replied the Ian in
the corner, I've met you at q great
many funerals. and your general
bearing has created a favorable inn
preston. You sigh with the sigh
ers, grieve with The grievers, and
on extra occasions you can shed
tears Of sorrow, even though you
know that you can't get ten per
cent. of your bill under six
months
Yes sighed the undertakes, JIM
stinctively measuring the length
of the table with his eye. and won
dering to himself why tables
weren't covered with Grape, with
rows Of coflin-nails around the
edges.
Death is very solemn thing
continued the man in the corner !:
but still it is an occasion when one
can appreciate neat thing I've
seer you rub your knuckles on
the door posts and never change
countenance I've seen you listen
to ellogies on men who owed you
for twenty years before their death
and you looked even more solemn
than the bereaved widow; I've
seen you back your hearse up to a
door in such an easy, quiet way
that roDbed death of half its
terriers. All this have | seen and
appreciated, but / couldn't write a
puff for you.'
why not?' he demanded.
For many reasons. Now you
have new hearse. Could / go on
and say: "Mr, Sackcloth, the ge-
NAL undertaken, has just received
a new hearse, and we hope that our
citizens will endeavor to bestow
upon ii the patronage such enter
prise deserves. 1t rides easy, is
handsomely finished, and those
who try it once will want no 9th
err. Could l say that
No, not very Well
sOf course / couldn't. You call
a grocer genial friend, and it is
all right, but you arn't genial-you
can't be. It's your business to be
even more solemn than you are, it
would be money in your pocket
That's so,' he said signing heav-
lily.
IF it was an omnibuses, or coal
cart, or a wheelbarrow, | could go
on and write chapter for every
separate spoke, but it isn't you
see.'
He leaned back and heaved a
sigh again.
sAnd as to your coffins-they are
doubtless nice collins, and your
prices are probably reasonable, but
Icould 60 and say: Mr.. Sackcloth
the undertaken, has just received
his new styles in spring coffins, all
sizes, and is now prepared to see
as many of his old customers as
will want something handsome
and durable at moderate prices p
Could say that?'
Another sigh.
y could not say that you were
holding clearing-out sale in order
to get ready for the spring sale or
that for the sake of increasing pa
tronage you had decided to pre-
sent each customer with a chrome.
/ couldn't say that yon We're re-
pairing and repainting, and had
the most attractive shop in Detroit.
1t wouldn't do to hope that people
patronize you, or to say that peo-
pie would patronize you, or to say
that all orders seEt in by mail
would be promptly filled and that
your motto was "Quick sales and
small profits -
He put on the look of tomb
stone and made no reply.
you see, If you had stoves to sell
or dealt in mackrel, or sold fishing
tackle, everything would be lovely
You are.an undertak Ell, solemn Sc
date, mournful. You revel in Grape
and you never pass a..black walnut
door without thinking how much
good coffin lumber was recklessly
wasted. The tolling bell is music
to you, and the City Hall flag at
half mast is fat on your ribs. We'd
like to oblige you, but you see how
it is
Yes, | see;' he sighed, and he
formed in procession and moved
down stairs, looking around now
and then to see if the hearse was
inst thirty-fOur feat hphind tho 0f-