The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-09-01

by internal quarrels.
Somebody says il you can't get
good education aud a white plug hat,
get the hat.
The pull-back dresses are good in a
gale of wind. II is not true, however,
that they have to grease them to get
them on.
"Puts" and "calls" may be properly
defined thus: You put your money in
the hands of broker for the purpose
of speculation and call for the profits
in vain.
In Norway, the longest day lasts
three months. The mao who six
months ago promised to call 10 day
or two and settle his little bill, must
have gone to Norway on visit.
A bad little boy upon being prom.
ised Eve cents by his mother if he
would take dose of castor oil, OBJ.
tanned the money, and then told his
parent that she might castor oil in the
street.
A man in Wyoming, Ohio, upon
opening his chicken-house recently.
one morning missed two birds; but
then on the other hand be found two
fingers in the trap. They haven't been
called for yet.
A Vicksburg negro woman was told
that the price of sea lions had risen.
"De Lord only knows what's to be.
come of poor folks" she exclaimed,
"when the nesumnaries OBJ life am riz
clean out OBJ reach"
The difficulty with these dime nov
els is, that a boy who reads them is in.
spired with more consuming desire
to grow up and become q pirate and
wear six pistols in his belt, than be a
minister and weai white neck.tie.
A young beau, at his sisters even
ing party, began to sing, "Why am SO
weak and weary2" when little broth
er brought the performance to a sud-
den close BY yelling out, "Aunt Mary
says it's cause you get drunk every
night and come home so latep'
A Presbyterian minister, while mar
rying couple of his rustic parishion-
ers, felt exceedingly disconnected on
his asking the bridegroom if he were
willing to take the woman for his wed.
ded wife, by his scratching his head
and saying, "Ay, I'm willin', but I'd
rather hae her sister,"
Brigham Young seems to be as de-
void of manners as he is lack in NOR.
ais. He recently sat with his hat on
through q whole performance at the
opera house at Salt Lake City. A
newspaper Of that city read the old
sinner lecture on etiquette, but il
was SO much labor lost.
A resident of Pottsville this State
has coin which has been decided I,
be Hebrew sheksl of the date of 53i
b. Q. 1t has on one side a represeD
tatiOn of Aron's budded rod, and OF
the other priests censer with incense
The same gentleman also has an ole
Saxon coin, an Elizabethan shilling o
1881, and an English coin of 1893.
"Got the 'phoby, have yeP Can
swallow any liquid, eh p observed
Mrs. Milliss to her husband, who ha,
refused water for two DAYS. "Well
we'll see" and the good woman DIRE,
the cork from the whiskey bottle an,
placed the muzzle to her liege's mouth
Milliss' face emerged from its gloon
like q full moon from behind cloud
and, glancing at his wife with quizz
cal expression, be said: "Come I
think of it, Jane, don't believe tha
dog had any teeth!"
Recently foreign embassy sough
the assistance of the English police t
find a young girl who bad Just becom
the heiress of many millions. The il
structions we're vague, and the tas
was necessarily given to one of th
keenest detectives. At the end of 81
weeks the detective reported at heaC
quarters and handed in his resigns
tion. "Well," said the chief. ian
what about the girl ?" "I found he
about a month ago in a dressmaker
shop" was the answer. "And whs
then = 81 married her yesterday, an
this morning have just received he
six millions"
A Sunday school picnic was recen
-ly held in a grove near Kingston. \
Y. An ex-sheriff seemed to be : so,
of "king-bee," among the people, an
superintended all the arrangement
Large tables were spread and loade
with an abundance Of good things. A
soon as everything was nearly read
for the feast a number of the childre
grabbed up knives and forks an
"went in" when the ex-sheriff howle
out; Hold on. you internal hog
VIII you z Then in milder tone
said to one Of the ministers present
Brother -, will you ask a blesi
ingf"
A o;,;.o