The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-12-18
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

old vest from generous farmer, returned an
hour or two later with five dollar bill he had
fouud in the pocket The farmer rewarded him
for his honesty by handing him dollar. Yet he
felt less kindly towards the tramp when he dis
covered that the IS bill was a counterfeit.
The following Is thsuew version:
NV son, 20 not in the way OF the reecnue de-
frauder, neither listen - bis words or accept his
friendship; for his ways are crooked ways, Mis-
compel you to piae With him-in the peniten.
tiarv.
Streator Is torn to shreds I" just now with ex-
element over the shade tree question, the trees
being remnants Of the forest out Of which the
town was hewed, and many of them standing In
the middle Of the sidewalks. The point at issue
is, if the trees must come down, shall the tele-
graph poles be allowed to stand? the fact being,
that the gay and bibulous throng who object to
the trees are just as liable to jam their heads
against the telegraph poles.
A fair young creature was heard telling her
male companion on Main street, last evening,
that the heart "was merely an aZygous muscle
Of irregular pyramid shape, which rests on the
Diaphragm" He said he thought 1t was going
to snow some during the night.-Brtdlo Express
There is great distress and anxiety in regard
10 the exact size of the fortune left by W. b. As
tor. Some papers put it as high as 100000,
900, while others place 1t at the paltry figure OF
$4OOO0,0Oo As there are four or five heirs, il the
latter figures are correct, how are they to get
along on such beggarly sum?
Our dearly beloved Brother Beecher says to
us: "Ne matter how bad you are--the worse
the better. Old Martin Luther said: 81 bless
God for my sins He would never have had
such sense OF the pardoning mercy Of God II
ne had not himself been sinful" That's the way
we riprearng, a-cussative fellows like
TO hear the preachers talk Brother Beecher's
idea 10 that there's no use in being fellow un-
less you are - OF fellow, and he isn't afraid
70 say so. Damphls-C Journal
The maddest man in Wisconsin Is John Leigh
OF Oconto. He was candidate for member Of
The assembly, and being conscientious man he
voted for his opponent. His opponent voted for
himself, and John was defeated by just one ma
iority. John has sworn of courtesy in politics
The women in Wyoming are getting sick OF
equal rights with the men. Few OF them 20 to
the polls any more TO vote looking upon II as
coarse and vulgar, while sitting On juries is o
b'rrid bore from which they make any sacrifice
to escape. They are not the first children to
tire Of sledge hammers as play things. t
Congress Is presented with bill of 10000 for
entertaining King Kalakaua last summer. The
.chief items are for liquors and cigars. The bill
covers but two months, and yet, while It is pre-.
tened that 10000 for such space is moderate
charge for this demisavagc blackamoor King,
nhiacf m M vin Ay.o rjc N
sovereign $4,000 to buy cigars and liquor with
for whole year-ard Grant such smoker and
-and--all that, too.
Since Brigham Young's release from eoafine-
ment he acts like q changed man. II Is only
T Sapy m WYE 70 hp as sss
without amurmur.-BrookiyD Argus.
To-day the materialized corpse Of the Democ-
racy, armed with pair OF shears and muck
rake, will stalk abroad in the sunlight, striking
terror TO the hearts Of corruptionists.- Louis
Times. .. ...e.
The Vicksburg Herald wttily and wickcdly
says: ..s "a. ..i,.., sa.s ..sgsss sse. -
I'VE have long since forgiven the North for
licking us, but the North has never forgiven us
for being so internally hard to lick"
In the line OF " How to Bring up Parents" is
LhC epCtNH Va tuc bttiC Dol WIZ biilu, 1
think you should give up swearing or family
prayers" The boy recognized the fitness Of
things.
Mrs. Henry said John to his wife, the otter
morning, il you give me q Christmas present
this year. please arrang 1t SO that the bill won't
come In till the next month. IL Is lust rs well
to keep up the illusion for short time."-Bos-
ton Advertiser. lH .. H--. ... ...
niue ar ti,ax Iaa
this fall in this vicinity, and we are starting in
TO winter very dry-Cdrltnpih Democrat
Wouldn't a barrel Of ha-d cider help you out
"sich is fame" The New York Observer copies
from Judge Cations book on Norway his admira-
bic account Of the maelstrom, and credits II TO
A Summer in Norway, by d. Canton" Stu
pidity of the bucolic press" did you say?
Mr. Frank Buckland, who has written some
clever things on hygiene. &c. recommends as
the best remedy for insomnia ever discovered,
the eating, before going to bed, OF raw onions 1t
not only induces sound sleep, but the pungent
odor drives away mosquitoes, burglars, feas,
tramps and such nusances.
Who can read the following, though mere
advertising dodge" without emotion:
Kiss me, darling, for your breath il
just as sweet as newmown hay;
Kiss me- darling, for your teeth are
Free from tartar or decay.
BY guml
4 debating society in Pennsylvania is discuss
ing the question which Is the best man, a fast
horse or a confirmed iuebriate? and at last ac-
counts the beast first mentioned was a little
ahead. .. .-
On the north Of Mount Helena, Montana,
there has been discovered an extensive quarry
Of Egyptian marble Of fine quality. Specimens
have been sent east and pronounced the only
quarry OF that kind Of marble known In the Uni
ted States.
What we can't understand is, how that marble,
in such quantities, was drought over from
Egypt.
On the principle that the hair OF the dog
cures the bite the legislature Of Minnesota has
ordered the erection Of an inebriate asylum in
that state, to be supported by a tax on the sa-