The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1875-07-22

GOOD" all to smash III. WARD BEEcHER.
Pm going to . dietant land
That everybody knows,
And dear mother. when go,
Send me my summer clothes. - f.si
BEN WADE.
SPIT1T of the press-Cider.
A PAIR of tights-twe drunkards.
A sEKDY occupation-the florist.
APAIR Of drawers span of horses
WHAT is the form Of an escaped par
rot2 A polly y-gone.
Lo business-cheating the Indians.
boston Adrertiser. ['%fz1sts
WhAT kind of ofrobbsry is not danger
ous7 A safe robbery of course.
The mean temperature is what dis
gusts man with every climate.
The duty of the hour-to take care
of the minutes and mako up the day.
AN editor who was going a court
ing said he was "going to press"
FLoATING cAPIrAL-the hsiresses
bathing at Long Branch. lf ?
1T is strange fact that when people
indulge in high words they use low
language. ~
WHY cannot Temperance man kiss
q ajewess? He has sworn not to taste
jew-lips.
Why should the last boy born to .
family be named Doxology3 Because
he's the last ofthe hims.-He-he.| n =
ANY man who spits tobacco juice on
the floor of an Iowa railroad car can
be bumped off the train.
The Enquirer calIsDr. Mary Walker,
the eirrepressible maniac or philanthro-
panialoOnatic. -
1sgTsf s~tEI.E 4 -
Why is coal the most contradictory
article know TO commerce? Because,
when purchased, it goes to the cellar.
ANauetioneer once advertised lot
Of chairs, which, he said, had been
used by school children without bot
toms.
AT what season did Eve eat the ar
pie ?-Early in the fall.-Ex.
A mistake-it mast have been in the
summer, as it was before the fall.
One woman of mental activity can,
If she has any ambition, keep ten fam
lilies miserable eleven months in the
year.
TENNESSEE lightning went for
Tennessee mule few nights since, but
after fooling around for a while it was
satisfied with melting his shoes off and
leaveing him unhurt.
THE following legend is inscribed
on the front of a butcher shop in all
inland town of Pennsylvania: "Kash
pade for little kalvcs mt mourn 1tu
daze Old.
EVERY tree is subject to disease"
said a speaker in a fruit-growers' con-
venriOn. What ailment can you find
orf an oak ?" asked the chairman. "a
corn," was the Triumphant reply.
A TrPsr fellow. who mistook globe
lamp, with letters on it, for the queen
Of night, exclaimed: "WclI, I'll be(hic)
blest, if somebody hain't stuck an ad-
vertisement on the (hick) mson!"
THERE'S nothing so wonderful about
malleable glass that it can be hammer
ed. A friend of mine has a glass still
unbroken, tho he has kept punch in it
at intervals sor seycral years. E'I
A BACHELOR recently made q will,
leaving his entire furniture to be di-
vided among the girls who refused
him. "For to them," he added, feel
ingly, 81 owe all my earthly happi-
ness"
The son of clergyman was deliver
ing a college vaIedictory, when, in
pulling cut his handkerchief, he pull
ed out pack of cards. "Hulloal" he |
exclaimed, ''I've got on my fathers
coati"
An! it is something like rest-sweet.
peaceful rest-when a reporter eau
start for home at Midnight and not |
have the women in every third house
along the way stick their night-capped |
heads from the windows and anxious
ly ask: elias that jury come i'm yet %
Detroit Free Press. 4
WHEN hanging is too good for q 4
man we suggest that the following be
the sentence; "Judge-Prisoner at the
bar. 1 sentence you to read the ex-
aminations and cross-e1aminations of
the Tilton-Beecher case until you are
dead, and may God bless your soul"
"MAKE you coat sir 2" said sus-
picious taller to suspected customer.
"Oh, yes, sir, with the greatest of
pleasure" 'There. just stand in that
position, please, and look right upon
that notice while take your measure"
Customer reads the notice: "Terms
cash.
rF -
IT was mentioned the other day that
while cleaning out the house Senator
Zach Chandler occupied during one
session of Congress, they gathered up
five hundred dozen whisky and cham
pagne bottles. This would seem to
confirm the report that Mr.. Chandler