Essex County herald. [volume] (Guildhall, Vt.) 1873-1964, 1875-08-14
SMALL EXPECTATIONS.

SMALL EXPECTATIONS.
1t was generally supposed by our fam
lily, and those who knew us well, that
my uncle Buncle would "leave me some
thing at his demise. In fact, thought
so myself. Our reasons for this belief
being these:
First. When I was little girl, though
he took no notice whatever of other lit
tie girls, he always patted me on the
head when we met, and said: "Ha,
ha! here you are, Hetty."
Secondly. When I was big girl, and
went to school, he always chucked me
under the chin on holiday occasions, and
inquired: "Well, what are they teach
ing you, Hetty
Thirdly. When I had grown to be a
woman, he established the following
form of greeting as permanent thing
"H'm how do you do?"
Fourthly. He never took notice of any
one else in so many words, but merely
nodded to all other mortals.
Filthy. When 1 was married, he pre-,
sented me with au antediluvian tortoise
shell comb, once the property of the late
Mrs. Buncle, and of proposterous
fashion, said to have been in vogue at a
remote date, the back half q foot high,
and elaborately carved. As he disap-
proved of weddings, generally, and
never before had be known to give
the bride anything but scolding, this
was really something to build upon
though, by the way, L offended him
sorely by refusing to wear the horrible
thing to the altar upon my wedding day.
Now, of course, | did not wish Uncle
Buncle to die nor could have done so
had been certain that, on his decease,
I should have become q millionaire /;
still, we know that all flesh is mortal,
and Uncle Buncle was like the rest of
the world i'll that respect and when he
did depart, it would be a comfort to be
the means of presenting Charlie with six
thousand pounds.
When we moved to our charming little
cottage at Barley Hill, then 1 decided
that when Uncle Buncle visited us, l
would make him so comfortable that the
matter would be quite settled. And, in
fact, the spare room was furnished with
an eye to his peculiar tastes, and largo
amount of pepper was laid in with which
to season his favorite dishes. However,
Uncle Buncle declined our invitations
persistently and having kept our spare
room empty for him long while, we at
last informed the rest of our friends who
had promised to visit us that we were
anxious for their company.
We certainly were. Nothing could
have pleased us better than that they
should have arrived in a body on one
day. But, alas Barley Hill Cottage
had few disadvantages; among them,
the fact that there were but four rooms
and abathroom-with which, by the way.
we had had such an indescribable
amount of trouble, on account of our
family plumbing, that we wished that
modern convenience was not in our pos
session.
Consequently, when on one day we had
the pleasure of greeting the Misses
Jones, the Misses Brown and their NAM
ma, Cousin Clarissa, and Mrs. Twit's
Miranda Jane, aged nine, we were rather
puzzled. However, necessity is the
mother of invention. We apologized to
the Misses Brown and their mamma for
putting them all three together into the
spare room. We resigned ours without
murmur to the Misses Jones. We
begged Cousin Clarissa to excuse us for
giving her the sofa bedstead in the par
lor, and made couch with three chairs
aud bolster for Miranda Jane in cor
ner cupboard, Then Charley impro-
vised bed over the bath; and after
draping the machinery with curtains,
and making up a valance for the side of
the bath, really felt quite proud of our
handiwork. And we had fairly began to
enjoy ourselves among our friends,
one raped at the door, and was greet
ed with oh m and how do you do !''
It was Uncle Buncle, and he had come
to stay.
Delighted" " gasped.
"Charmod to see you, SIR" said
Charlie.
Then we exchanged glances and each
mutely asked the other: Where shall
we put him 2"
Echo answered "Where 2"
ESQ glad you've come, said again.
And Uncle Buncle answered
"Thanks." He had seized upon this
one fashionable variation with avidity,
because it seemed to do away with the
personal politness involved in the words
"Thank YOU"