River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-03-05
Varieties.
There is no luck like pluck.


How to make money 60 far-Giye it
to the foreign missions.
When a man amt good for anything
else, he is about right to sit on jury.
al see the villain in your face" said
a magistrate to prisoner. "Your hon.
or retorted the prisoner, "that is a per.
sonal reflection"
Nothing will sooner tempt bachelor
TO abandon his resolution to marry than
to sleep in the adjoining room to a
couple with colicky baby.
A Utica editor, whose ear is shedding
IFS skin, explains that he has not been
anywhere to freeze it. but he has been
exposed to a good deal of domestic dist
pline.
A Virginia bridegroom over seven
feet high is announced. The affair ere.
ated considerable sensation, but 1t is be.
lieved she only married him to 60 chest
nutting with.
An Iowa father who has succeeded
in raising seventeen of the worst chill
dreu in his neighborhood, says he is
bound TO have representative in Heav-
en- lift takes sevent cen more.
81 would not be woman, for hen
I could not love her." says Monta.
igne. Lady M. W. Montague says:
"The only objection have to be a man
is that | should have to marry q wo.
man.
As our deUa was going home with his
sweetheart a few evenings since, she
said to him: "Horace, I fear shall new
er get to Heaven" "WhyY" asked
the knight Of the ink.keg. because"
said she with smelling" look. because
| love the devil so we'll. "-Er.
"Step iD." said boring cheap cloth.
Ter to countryman. THE cheapest
goods IN the market" "Have you any
fine shirts?" "a splendid assortment,
sir" "Are they clean 2" OF course.
sir--ceap. to BE sure" Then" said
the cOuntrymau, gravely, "you had bet
ter put one on"
A Logausport girl who had her foot
over the gallery at Dolan's Opera House,
last week. let her shoe fall of. 1t killed
two men and boy in the parquette and
crashed through the floor into the cellar.
damaging the hall to the extent of FIVE
hundred dollars. They are building a
derrick to raise the shoe.
An Irish girl on applying for situa
ton, was asked by lady If she was us
ed TO early rising "Arrah" exclaimed
Biddy; sit is airly rising ye wants?
Faith, ! always gets up, an has the
breakfast ready, and every bed in the
house made, before the is a soul in the
house awake. An is that airly enough
for ye!"
II is good story that they tell Of DIR.
Hayman formerly Of Rugby school Fin.
gland. While returning recently from
the Brighton Congress, a fellow-passen.
ger undertook to draw him into CONVEX
sation, and so far succeeded that the
reverend gentleman asked him 10 what
profession he happened to belong. Oh
said the layman chcerfully. 81 am in
the Manchester line" "Oh, indeed. "
replied DR.. Rayman, urbanelY; There
is good deal of business going on there
Just now, | understand. "Fhst class, "
said the layman, with a cunning smile;
land may ] ask what is your liney"
81" said the doctor. patroniziDgly, with
the nearest approach to a joke he was
ever known TO penetrate; Il am in the
spiritual line" "Blessed If / didn't
think So" exclaimed his companion,
knowingly; and putting one hand on
the doctors knee, he leaned forward
eagerly and added, with an indtscribable
wiuk, "but say, what high old price
you have got gin up tol' DR.. Hayman
instantly collapsed.