The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-07-15
.How Not to Conduct Country Newspaper"

CHOW Not to Conduct Country Newspaper"
The following excellent bit of humor is
taken from a paper read before the Indiana
Press Association at its recent session by Will
lard Nash, of the Logansport Pharos:
MIR. PREsIDENT-LADIEs AND GENTLEMEN
When your committee assigned me the task OF
telling "How not to conduct Country News.
paper" they recognized the eternal fitness OF
things" for chow to conduct country news
PAPER is prominent among innumerable things
that don't know; and yet, ignorance on this
point is inexcusable, for no man can be con,
nected with country newspaper two hours ana
9 half without receiving advice from many
"friends of the paper" who know just how to
do it, Our facilities for acquiring knowledge
are so great that every man, woman and
child except the publisher-knows how to
conduct country newspaper, and most OF
them would be at home on q metropolitan
journal. The man who is not required to pay
for material and labor, or furnish copy, hnds 1t
the easiest thing imaginable to publish pa
per, and why all the dolts drift into newspaper %
Offices is a question that sorely puzzles suffer-
ing humanity. If q man erects building on
his own ground, buys presses, and all kinds OF
printing material, writes and selects his matter
and paws his employees, he imagines that ne
owns country newspaper. Nothing can be
further from the truth The office is owned by
a Joint stock company composed of an indeh-
mite number of stockholders, ranging from five
hundred to five thousand-each share repre-
senting dollar and half or two dollars, and
every member of the concern imagining that
he owns controlling interest, whether his
subscription be paid in greenbacks or advice.
But I am digressing-sipply wandering OF
among the wise men who are always ready to
tell YOU hcw not to conduct newspaper. In
publishing q country newspaper don't get IN
too much news. 1t necessitates leaving out
the dog fights, which are of greater interest to
many of our readers. Don't say anything
about the political situation lest you hurt the
feelings of county officer who gets his letter
heads printed at your establishment: Don't
say a word in your local columns about the
merchant or manufacturer who has standing
advertisement in your paper, II ne wants you
to keep his business before the public, let him
pay for it at twenty cents per line. That's
business. Don't neglect patent medicine ad-
vertisements Fill your paper with them at
half your published rates; give an agent llbe-
raj commissions for procuring them, and take
vour paw in nostrums. This will encourage
ready made physicians and fill your columns
with "mighty interestin' readin'." Don't fail to
publish long sermon on some doctrinal point
every week. This will CRAFTY, the man who
wrote the sermon. Don't fail to give your
readers a full supply of original poetry. 1t
will encourage home talent and make your
paper popular with sentimental young ladies,
noted for we'll ventilated hosiery and a charm
ing ignorance of housework. Don't be partic-
ular about issuing your paper on the regular
publication day. Give your readers a chance
to exercise that greatest of all Christian vir-
tues, patience. Don't spend too much time in
reading proof Let your paper, like your life,
be full of errors. Don't fail to take sides in every
personal quarrel that occurs in your town: If
Smith wants you to pitch into Brown, do it.
Brown may give you good hogging for you.
impudence, but you will have the sympathy OF
Smith while your wounds are healing. Don't
neglect an opportunity to make your paper
highly sensational. If you hear "damnable
rumor," publish it. If it be true you will gain
credit for fearless journalism. If false, you
have simply blasted some ones good name,
and committed one of the "indiscretions" of
the nineteenth century. Don't reject an arti-
Gle because it borders on the obscene. The
roughs will indorse it and give you credit for
wit. In short, publish paper in the interest
of the street corner loafers, hotel bummers and
blear-eyed politicians, and you will win the
lasting gratitude of your successor, the sheriff.