Litchfield enquirer., 1875-01-07
CLIPP PsNCS.

Natural slippers-Eels.
 The fastest city in the world-Elcctri- city.
 You can't 'take a trick" with "the trump of fame."
 There are six George Washingtons m the Pennsylvania State Prison
 Half the discomfort of life is the result of getting tired of ourselves.
 Mary Clemmer Ames' husband has se- cured a divorce from her.
 When man aint good for anything else he is about right to go on jury.
 Each beau plucks leaf from coquette so that thorns only remain for tho hus- band.
 Mir. Asa Flower is spoken of us as a rising man Texas politics. ''Cometh up Asa Flower?"
 A Pittsburg woman was cured of speech lessness by priest. Her husband is now prOwling around after the priest with a shotgun.
 Marble men now make small tombstones by the quantity, with tho epitaph already cut: Didn't know 1t was loaded" They leave blank for the name and age.
 Miss Bacon, who lived out West, knew Beans and married him. The occasion is far too serious, however, for the perpetra- ton of a single one of those too palpable jokes.
 4 Brockport man dreamed recently that his aunt was dead, and the dream proved true. He tried the same game with his mOther-in-law, but it didn't work worth a cent.
 ''Have you Goldsmith s Greece?" was asked of the clerk in a store in which books and various miscellaneous articles were sold. 'No,' said the clerk rehective- ly, we haven't Goldsmiths Greece, but VIC have some splendid hair oiI.'
 ''Is there any person you wish mo to marry?" said wife to dying spouse, who had been somewhat of tyrant in his day. Marry the devil, if you like,' was the gruff reply. No I thank you. my dear, one husband of the same family is enough for me-
 A man who had saved the life of B daughter of Boston millionair, received $2.5O from the grateful parent. He was so overcome with the magnificent bounty that he paid out every cent of it to seven teen organ grinders to simultaneously serenade his benefactor.
 There hasn't been single burglary in an up-country town since brass band was organized. There haven't been any inhabitants, either, since that time, OK cept the members of the band.
 Young America is very forward. I'll put a head on you, said little eam;n to n companion. You try it. was the quick reply, and your mothers monkey will be a cherub in ten seconds
 It cost Barnum but five dollars to get up thatsimaginary rhinoceros fight and secure its publication, while many papers charge fifty cents for a three-line obitu- ary notice of a good boy.
 When Westchester woman detects her husband walking crooked down the road she doesn't get mad about 1t, but thought fully observes to her companion: "Jane, shouldn't wonder if it was an earthouake that makes John walk that way
 The Detroit boys sing this hymn when the Black Maria moves off with it's load:
 They'll have mush for breakfast,
 And they'll have mush for tea,
 And mush good may 1t do 'em-
 Too mush for you and me.
 A gentleman in the cigar business sends his annual gem to the editor of the Det- roit Free Press:
 'Tis autumn, and the leaves are dry.
 And rustic on the ground,
 Producing in ards of cigars
 At trifing cost per pound.'
 A girl in Georgia brought suit against a recreant lover. claiming $10,OOO damages. but she compromised for four bales of cotton and new parasol. Her lawyer took the cotton for his fee, and she kept She parasol to heal her wounded affec- tions. -.~ ,. A couple of members of the darkey con- ference were passing down tHe avenue. when one of them trod on the indipesti- ble portion of pear. and as his number elevens went up the rest of his body was coTrespondingly lowered. 'Ki-yah, brud- der Jones, is you fallen from grace? chuck. led his companion. Not prezactly dea. con, Pse sittin' on de ragged edge of dis pear
 A chap from the Western part of Mich igan went to bed at one of the hotels tn, other night, and blew out his gas instead of turning it off The gas rushed out, the room was close, and in about half an hou the smell became SD strong that the stran ger got out of bed, opened the door ant shouted for the clerk. The clerk came III and demanded to know what was up. a never stopped in Detroit over night be fore," replied the stranger, ''and I don know but this smell is all right, but i pears to me as if something had busted somewhere"
 A lady and her eight-year old daughte were among the passengers on a Detroi street car, the other day. and present.,