The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-05-29
CREAM or OUR EXCHANGES.

CREAM UF UUk EACHANUES.
Which is the worst the day We CELEBRATE, or tht
Jay after?
young man in Cleveland was blown ZIP by
keg OF beer. Moral-don't apply it externally.
They are trying to introduce woman suffrage
into the Isle of Man. But it amt that kind OF I
man.
This is the way the Harrisburg (Pa) Pdtrio
crows over the recent New Hampshire election
1.-TWO Rad Congressman sitting in the sun,
Long comes election day-now there is one"
The Havana Republican says, gamblers are as
thick as biackberries in Havana just now" II
strikes us that Ketcham ia a little premature on
his blackberry business. They are mighty Nds
here.
The Boston 1dotrtiar says mental arithmetic
tnatches.are limited at Well, bring them on
there would be sum folks who will cipher them
Detroit Trfb1He .'..t ..,
an editor who speaks with the air Of man
who has discovered a new fact by experience
says that the new way to prevent bleeding al
the nose is To keep your nose out of other peo
pies business. ..s.. .
The urchn VIM shouted Beecher and Tilton,
1T spelling match at Mclean, as stated in the
Atlanta Arg,@ when asked in whose homer the
centennial celebration was being made, has been
sent to the state reform school He will no
doubt become eminent.
a gentleman of Springfield has recently
been presented by his wife with triplets, and the
city talks of having celebration over the event.
We don't know what the gentleman thinks about
the matter. but it strikes us that We would
think good deal as did the dutchman-" Better
you sthop dis ding before more as village
kompt"
Beardstown and her much dreaded rival for
the county scat of Cass county, Virginia, will
have spelling match soon. What a pleasant
sight it will he to see Summers OF the Gazette
and Nicholson Of the iHaoisaa face each other
In this tournament and worry over IVhai.iSh"
His parents should have named Paul Boynton
from the other apostle--hm that attempted to
walk on the water Of Galilce.-Cin. 7imeS.
They were afraid he would Peter out, as the
other apostle did
The end of cyerything-the letter z,
Can you spell consent in three letters: Yes.
at is not our fault" says Milwaukee editor
that We arc red headed and small, and the mex,
time that one Of those oyergrown rural roosters
in ball room reaches down for our head aud
suggests that some fellow has lost a rose bud
out of his button hole, there will be trouble"
The Indiana editor who took his mother in
law on an editorial excursion Is requested Il
announce through the columns Of his pape
whether he was actuated 10y generous impulse
or by fear Chicago Tribune.
Passing house on Abbott street about
O'Clock last evehing,a gentleman noticed DO,
Sopping around aud exhibiting great delight
and he paused and asked: "Why, buh, what all
youT' "Ails mey grinned the lad; 81 see there
house shct up,-no supper, nam OH gaddine
and there comes dad arOun the corner It'll b
worth $50 to see the fur fly when he opens thi
gate."-Det,'oh Free Pres"
A married man in Brooklyn thought he dc
fccted an obstruction in the keyhole of his bed
room door one night last week, and, in a lit G
enthusiasm he chucked Il halfpint Of CARROLL
acid into the opening. The next morning hi
Tnother-in law turned up missing, and there
lingering impression on that mans mind tha
carbolic acid is one Of the necessities that Il
newly married couple can afford TO do withou
Areporter Of the Cleveland Herdh stood o
she court house steps the other day and counte
eighty -four men who want to be governor
Ohio, and it being cloudy, it is supposed
missed about 200.
A financial man perpetrates the following;
a Ave dollar bill or a five dollar gold piece u
most valuable" The five dollar bill, Of cours
for every time you put it in your pocket "
double it, aud when you take il out you can s
IL increases.
The Watscka Ulll Times relates how thr
young women tried TO let their horses he
down so that it could drink, by unbuckling d
erupper
Even the staid aud saactmonnus Bost
Glo6e makes bold to remark that, The sight
two young. lldies descending ladder from ;,
ond.story window on Union street, Wedncsd
evening" was pleasing relief to the monoto'
OF travel through that section
Several prominent farmers, whom we met
the west side this morning. express the {,
that Illinois will come in for her share OF I
grass hopper ravages this season. Several SIN
swarms Rave been Matched out ia this vicin
and III ey immediately set to work devouring
erythiug that looked green.-EJ.
Hope they won't cvy get their eye on the
Wefs fashiOn-plstc editor.
The Rockford Regist.r wants us To believe U
there are oHly two sober editors in that city,
leaves us To infer that those tive are the h,gi
men. Francis Murphy had better go back
Rockford.
TIA west side fellow fails TO ill his oyere
pocket with cream candy when he goes to
bis east side girl her face wears sad look, I
when he's leaving her at the door she signs
SAYS, "when you get tired Of going with ms
want you TO tel rae so right out, and not to
Aint.ng around.