The Republican journal. [volume] (Belfast, Me.) 1829-current, 1875-03-18
Going to Maria"
from the st. Joseph Herald.

Just at this time there is a lively compe-
tition among railroad ticket agents to Sc
cure travel over their respective INES
Rates East have been cut, travel mas IN
creased in consequence, and each estcfh
road wants to have its full share.
Yesterday a portly, pleasant-looklnS o'u
gentleman came in on the train from the
north. and started up Francis street, carpet
sack in hand. He was evidently farmer,
| and probably belonged to the Changers AL
this precise juncture l.. M. Dunn, ticket
agent Of the St Louis, Kansas City ana
Northern Line, happened to be 6 lanclng
out of his window, and saw the tfaveler
and his carpet-sack. He met INN halt
way between Long Branch and the Paclhc'
and commenced as follows;
Going East, sir! !"
Yes" was the reply.
"Ah step right up to the Union Ticket
Office Great through line, sir. Land
Won in New York sixteen hours in advance
of any other route. Finest sleeping and
dininy cars in the world Chicken three
times a dav. and beds free from vermin.
Butter on two plates, and molasses all over
the table. Come right along, sir
The innocent countryman walked along
a few steps, when Major j. B. Laughlin,
Ticket Agent Of the Hannibal and St.
Joseph Railroad greeted him affection
ately with:
''Going East, sir?'
Yes" again.
"Glad to meet you. Step right into the
office. Shortest line by thirty-three miles
and half to New York put you in there
nine hours ahead of any other line Finest
eating-houses in the world. Soup three
times a day, and fees expelled from the
sleepers daily. Come in, SIR
Before The astonished countryman could
recover from his bewilderment at thest
sudden and unexpected manifestations 0
interest in his welfare, Dan Mountain, 0
the Kansas City, st. Joseph and Councl
; Bluffs. tack ed him with:
Going East, sir ?''
''D-n it, ves," (rather curtly).
I'm Just the. man you want to see
Come along with me. Office mot on thu
corner Best and shortest route by a Ions
shot to any point. Put you through IN !
iifv. Splendid sleepers, and Goldfish ball:
for breakfast. Conductors all of pous ant
respectable parentage, and fires kept u
constantly. Come along, sir"
The unfortunate man was completed.
dumbfounded, and before he could recoye
Laughlin had him by one arm, Mountal
by the other, while Dunn clung tightly t
Il the coat-tail, and he was hustled into th
Hannibal and St Joe office, where an
other parley took place.
What point are you going TOP wa
asked by three disinterested individual
simultaneously.
"Goin' to Maria"
Instantly three railroad maps wer
erked out, and for full fifteen minute
three pair of eyes inspected them closely
Then each of said pairs of eyes looked q
the other, and finally all conferred on tn
gentleman from the rural districts. The
the question was asked by three persons
'Where is Maria?n
+ "Where's Maria? Why, rspose she
tn hum Maria's my wife and lives 81
miles east Of town, and if / didn't want
h 90 to her where the h-~ll would | want t
90 TOP"
Three railroad maps were put up quick
er than lightning, and in less than tw
minutes time Damn was seated in his Otlic
consulting an abominabie old pipe. Da
Mountain was busily engaged in admrin
Lou Thompson's magnificent new foul
story plug hat, and Major Laughlin wa
calmly contemplating the prospective al
rival of the next street car.
The man bound for 'Maria'' left in on
of Fish Il Hutchinsons sleighs.