The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1875-10-18
The magnificent stupidity of this
tually battles description. It's like

The magnificent stupidity of this
tuaiy battles description. 1t is like
and fooling OF a good clown at
complete and artistic, so perfectly successful
that you see it must have been the purpes
all along TO play the fool. The syslem. is az
attempt 10 adapt the old machinery which
| was in use hundreds Of years ago, when ar
inn accommodated half dczen people, per
haps, on an average TO the exigencies o
modern society, with lis rushing army o.
travellers.
WOMEN AS HOTEL KEEPERS.
Imagine, if you can, Dame Quickly run.
ming the Fitth.Avcnue Hotel or the Gall
House. The British hotels, as general
thing, are run by women. Now, l shall not
take issue With the honest countrynan who
contended that "petticoat government was
the best in the world, provided 1t was mild
" administered" The natural Inclination
of my mind, and my heart also, is that way,
and have decided weakness for pctticoats
and strong liking for a soft eye and sweet
voice; but they-I mean the sex--don't know
bow TO keepa hotel any more than do, and it
is cruelty ard shamcto deyolye such hard
trust upon them. Give wcman fair chance
in many of the business pursuits OF life, and
she will hold her own, provided she does
not fall in love or marry; but the devil OF it
is she will do these very things. At any
rate, hotel-kecping is science, and they
succeed at il about as well as they would in
climbing pole or sailing SHIP. They are
pcrpetually making mistakes in the bills, and
il is most extraordinary circumstance that
nil these mistakes are on one side-that is,
against the traveller. And yet what can you
say 10 them in sucn case? What could /
say 10 that pretty French woman at the
Grand Hotel de PAtheDee at Paris, who pre-
sen,ed me with bill for siyty.nine francs.
having III my pocket all the while the hotel
receipt for over thrty-four francs OF the sum
charged, which she coolly proposed 10 trans
fer from my pocket TO her own fair, graceful
fingers. .-...
l could only suggest, in besitating. timid
sort Of way, that there might possibly be
some mistake in the bill, and then clinch The
observation by pulling out my receipt for
thirty-four francs Of their account. Gentle
reader, if you ever travel in Europe, take
the advice of one who flltters himself that
he now "knows the ropes"-take receipts
from these landlords-nay, from everybody
YOU have business dealings with in Eu.
rope-aud keep H,en,-aye, in preference to
Photographic views of this or that place,
souvenirs, and flowers. The more polite
they are to you, the more necessary it is
70 watcl the bills and TO get them
often. The common hotel trick is TO hold
back the presentation Of the bill to the last
moment, even for week. if you should hap
pen 10 say that long; and then, if there are
disputed items, how are you 10 put your
mere memory up against the books of the
hotel: II in hurry to leave, you are bound
TO pay whatever is charged. But l am get
ting away ircm the women, and do not
mean TO do that. In some of the small or
mere provincial hotels of England. where
there are not many guests to look after, the
female managers get along after fashion.
It is slow. hut it will selve. III large hotels
they are, as managers, simply IN unmtigated
nuisance.
EVERYTHING GOES WRONG,
and YOU can get no redress. Take, for in
stance. nv room at the Northwestern Rail
way uotel-a grand and pretentous estab.
lishment. 6nd over the mantel-piece three
placards, all framed, each with very detailed
directions what am to do and what TO leave
undone. One of these, composed of about
eighteen printed lines set in gilt frame,
gives commentary on the su! ject of the key
of the door 10 the room. In an American
hotel no lengthy elucidpion Of this great
mystery of the key is required. You merely
lock up your room on going out, leave the
key at the hotel office, and sally forth when
YOU please. But my Especial notice as to
keys" says:
The occupier Of this room is requested
| to obtain the key from the office on the
| ground floor, and in the event Of It's being
| carried off by mistake, to return it by post as
| quickly as possible"
| There is q good deal more of this sort OF
stuff. which | need not here quote. Going
! out for visit 10 the steamship. office dis
cover that the door has no key, and cannot
| even be closed. i 60 to the cbamberInaid
for the key and she refers me to the hotel
office. three flights below. | descend and
appeal next to the supreme ruler in petit.
| coats in that quarter, and she gives mea sort
i of coppsr.ket,le" answer; first, that the
| door qrlN shut, despite NY assertion to the
contrary second, that the chambermaid has
tie KEY; and third, tha; ii she doesn't have
| it, then there is 10 key to the room but
that in that event the cham5ecmlid will
! lock the door Nth her pass-key and let me
| in when | want TO enter.
| Giving IN the idea Of closing my room
door as a desperate and hopeless case, nex
| stroll around the house and enter "a chamber
| miIkcd "Readiug room " to while away at
hour perhaps after d;nGer. 1t is rnagn!ti
cent room there are nice seats and sofas ant
grand pillars, but not one solitary news
| naper TO be seen. "What is there to reat
| here." inwardly inquired. and then stray
| ing TO the mantel-piece dc read over IL II
staring capitals the solemn injunction lalt
| upon visitors, "Not TO remove the newspa
pers." Obedience TO this request is some
wba. easy, and obey. When about to re
m ,ye myself-t&at, luckily, is not forbidden
glance at the one wood-cut 10 the room
! stray leaf from pictorial | fancy. 1t il
| headed Fifty Years Ago." and there sits II
an arm chair Johnny Bull, with his face vel
lathered and barber shaving him. Joht
Bull Of to-day is by TO means aware thai
he is sill sitting il the same armchair, Wltt
bis face all lahered his chin upturned, look
ing !or ell the woId like fool; while an
other fool Of bis own kidney is shaving him
and three other fools, as the picture shows
are waiting their turn 10 be shaved. To bin
England is still the England Of the past, tha
once ruled the fate Ct Europe, inspired CO.
altions, and overthrow Rapoleon. Ac
cordinely, with solemn, leaden duilnesS
ponderous gravity, and stll:ed, bastard
English, the Times and the Daily Telegraph
discuss the Turkish question day by DAY
lust as seriously as if this country dared L
20 to war with frst-class Power to advance
her real or supposed interests. or cou!t
exert the slightest appreciable l; hnence OF