Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-12-24
II II b D r..

Professor in Political Economy-"M Mr..
F., will you please mention, from your Cwn
experience, some of those articles where
prices are increased by the revenue tax,
while the wages Of the producer remains
the same-some commodity with which
you are familiar ?'' MI. =. lin IA moment
of ungu ,rdsd inspiration) = Liquors.
Psofessor-"That is correct, sir,'' Since
that fatal committal, F. has had a pensive
poetical look in his eye and an undertone
of sadness in his oice.--Michigan Unirer-
sity Chronicle.
A drunken tramp was given a piece OF
stereotype to distribute in Bowling Green
office the other dry. He maize stvera
pulls at it, removed the pipe from his
mouth and remarked: swell (hic) I've
worked on the s'Courier- (hic) Journal"
and all that, but lhic) this is d-dsst
piece Of turtle distribution I ever was
(hic) engaged in This oc .urred after
constant application for work for about
three weeks. He walked off disguised with
the place.
Small boy: "Say. pa will you buy me a
new sled for Christmas?' Close fisted
parent: ssJohnny, don't think there's
going to be much snow this winter, and
you wouldn't have much chance to enjo,
new sled; but Iii tell you what will de-
You just be coed boy and I'll get your
Id t,o{s NJ shrn,rh
stick of wood just like cheese!''
Street car companies are reasonably pro-
gressive, but there is still one step for them
to take. What is wanted is so ne man OF
polite n anrers to stand on the platf. I'm
and introduce the conc uctor to ia,lies be-
fore that functionary puts his hand round
their waist to help them on. To be Rugged
without an introduction isn't right.
1t was not exactly bonne boucke of a
smile he got off, that friend of ours, when
he came into the office this morling and
remarked s'Tnere's ice around this morn
ming. and I've had the first fall of the sea-
son. ibid it make you feel che p?
s'Cheap, thunder! 1t cost me- a new pair
of pants and coal-hole cover"
A certain colored deacon, on occasions
of missionary collections, Was wont to shut
his eyes and sing, ''Fly Abroad, thou ugh
ty Gospel with such earnestness and uIc-
ton that he woul q lite forget to see tie
plate as it came around. ''Oa, yes!'' sd
the plate bearer, ''but just you give some
thing to make it fly.
The Prohibitcry law being in full force
in Maine, witness before a Belfast Grand
Jury was asked if he had drunk in a GER
tain saloon. 'Yes." 'tOften % Yes
SLOW much in six months ?'' ''Well,
CAM tell exactly. 1t might be-wel-per-
haps-well, say a barrel. ~
Nothing is so we'll calculated to confirm
our suspicious that things are not proper
toned just right in this world, as fifteen
prisoners endeavoring to hit one spittoon.
while the reporters and lawyers have one
a piece to fire at.
Mary had little lamp,
Twas fl led with Ike, osene,
Mary down the chimney blew,
And vanished from the scene.
Gone to meet her brother who sat down
on a key of powder to smoke.
Spilkins says that all the perils and hor-
rors of a Maelstrom aren't a circumstance
to the horrors Of hearing a female str"m
on the piano, next door, from morning till
night.
''Yes. he may be good scholar. and all
that, but he can't pass a beer salonn," was
what one literary gentleman remarked Of
another on the street yesterday.
A Detroit woman coull think Of bnt
Twenty-Five different ingredients to put
into mince pie, and she wept at the idea
of losing her powers of memory.
At one of the colored A. NJ f. churches
in Columbus, Ca, the other night, wo-
man screamed, "Glory! Ise just like soda
water! Ise b'ilin' over!''
There are few things that will produce
greater sensation in the nursery than a
NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. LuO ear.
Why is pig the most provident of ami
mals?-Because he always carries spare
rib1Or two about him.
How many grains of common sence 60 to
one scruple? How many scruples Of con-
science go to one dram?
Savings Banks-in a great many in
snces places to put money that you do
want to save.
g the man with tight boots who talks
violently Of the eternal fitnass Of
Men,. 0 those contemplating matrimony
Keep on contemplating 1t, andyou won't
Rok hurt