The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-12-31
Wit and liumGr.


HOOKING dress is not a dishonest
practice.
The snuff-takers' motto-Snuff s as
good as feast.
CALL a lady a "chicken," and ten to
one she is angry with you. Tell her she
is "no chicken" and twenty to one she
is more argry still.
SIS THERE much water in the cistern,
Biddy." inquired gentleman of his
servant girl as she came up from the
kitchen. cit is full on the bottom, sir,
but there's none at al OH the top" was
the reply.
A NEW Paris telescope brings the
moon to within ten miles of the earth,
and Michigan woman thinks that if she
were given room to yell she could get
up conversation with some other woman
up there.
"Now JOHN, suppose there's load OF
hay on one side of river and a jackass
on the other, how can the jackass get to
the hay without getting wetY' 81 give
it upI" "Well, that's just what the
other iackass did"
Dowsw,RD they go-still On and on
Passing away-another IL gene
Gone away with its hopes aud fears:
Gone away, with it, smiles and tears;
Gone. with the thousands that went before,
Swallowed for aye, in the Never More.
Ring out the kne and let it swell
In the mournful tones of sad farcwei;
Ring out the knel, in many chime,
Plaintiye and slow, for the child Of Time
That. with its record has passed away,
For the year we bury deep to-day.
4 PRETTY and sensible young lady re-
marked in the presence OF seven bare
faced young men the other night, "that
it just doubles the value of kiss to have
TO burrow it from under a mustache."
The next morning II druggist sold seven
bottles of preparation to encourage
mustaches, iii less than half an hour af-
ter opening his store.
PASSING by a commission house on
Michigan Grand avenue yesterday lady
had her attention attracted TO q saddle oil
venison hanging beside the door, and she
stopped and asked the price. The dealer
informed her, and added " 1t is deli
cious meat madam" eyes, / have
heard people say it was, but ] don't
hardly know. Are you sure this was a
corn-fed deer 2" The dealer couldn't
take his oath on it, and therefore didn't
effect sale.-DetrOH Free Press.
In one of the street cars yesterday
young man and a young lady commenced
/ handkerchief Irritation, and they car
/ ried it on so boldly that an old chap with
| gray Burnside whiskers had his atten-
ton attracted. He didn't detect the
| Irritation, but he was greatly annoyed
/ that the young man should wipe his nose
so often, and at length he blurted out
"Have you got the ca-tarrh z" "No,
sir, replied the young man. "Well,
then, il L were you I'd take my blasted
nose off and let it rest'awhile. When a
person pays out his hard earned money
to ride on the street cars he wants to
/ take some comfort. "-Det,OU Free
Press.
CoBwKBS.
Never was an act of Parliament YOU could not
! drive coach and six thr- ugh.-Du0ei OCO"n@h,
! on lars.
Laws thanks to the Law for cobwebs:
For they're ugly things, are hies
But wasps kind o. nOb-rebs
Boss spider may have prize
Occasionally; but oftcner
Friend Wasp finds soitencr
Somehow for the web
Laws excellent traps indeed 4
To have; but the five-cent fry's
SO small il drops through; and your Tweed
Not classed with the commoner Aes-
eau him honey bee, or bundle,
= so big he must stumble
And break through the web
Give thanks, law'd for the cobwebs;
Their makers laud TO the SKIES
sure Il II pity TO rob webs
Like ours of their catch OF flies?
40 mighty amusing for spiders:
But how for us poor outsiders
who pay through the WEBB
wherewith respectfully withdraw from the case.
ABEL Rein.
| scHNEIDER's NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS.
Der boor Old Year have hobbled out
Nit legs a-kinder shaky, weak
IND an der leetle New Year jumps
Nit blenty noise und blenty sheee.
ind bein' 50 az It's der time y
Der New Year 10 begun all new.
I'm goin' TO turn CRATE bif leaf
IND ds is vat I'm goin' 10 do:
I'll eat me too much beer no more
/ Nor touch der festive uhisky-shkin:
III say goot-pye to bright Rhine vine
Una look quite mad at milk und GIN.
When all der boys am siylIn down
Der rosy beer, Ill shook my head,
l nd init my conscience VERY broud
III gobble water down tnshtead.
I'll not shtay out till vonce O'CLOCK,
Und come home init a Dustin head:
So soon der clock shtrkes half-past eight,
CRAWL me jently on der bed.
III schwear no more dhose big bad yordts
Nch makes a Teller go to-vell,
You know der blaze where blazes ploon.
So faint no for me 10 tell.
III smoke no more for, uf I'm goin
To be goot, Ill be dufUi goot
III eat no more tobagger too;
Ill shew in-htead soft shticks OF wood.
I'll shdart me in eferyding
Ind init crate my pf0ln VII III
Ill shtick me tight 10 efery rule
A; least kinder hope III