The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-02-04
THE MAN WHO SWORE OFF.

He had been Id the habit of taking
three or four ''nips' day for the last
fifteen years, but one New Years NOR
ming he arose and said to his wife:
''Mary Jane Sinner, here I've been
squandering at least dollar per week
for more than dozen years!''
''But thought you said glass now
and then aided your digestion" she re-
piled.
Cali fudge and nonsense!' he con-
tinued; ''that was only an excuse to sat-
isfy my own conscience"
''And I've heard you say that it made
you sleep better-helped you to have a
clear head" she said.
''Nonsense- kind of bosh I've
drank up $500 in the last dozen years
and it hasn't benefited me one cent
"Wen?"
"Well, I'm going to quit. I'm going
to commecne now. No more drinks for
Sinner after this -
s'Good boy-noble husband" she
said patting him on the chin; ''now you
begin to talk like a Roman-now you
are going to test your stamina!'
Sinner felt pulled up with pride for an
hour or two, and then he began to feel
a goneness along down his throat. He
drank water, cold coffee and milk, and
got through with the day; although
when he went to bed he dreamed that he
was flask Of brandy and that member
of Congress was carrying him in his
coat-tai1 pocket. At midnight he awoke
with his thumb in his mouth, just on
the point of taking ten-cent drink, and
at daylight he inquired of his wife
whether it was the year 1875 or 1876.
That forenoon while he sat in his
office meek-looking stranger entered,
took a paper from his pocket and said
that he was soliciting aid for the Kansas
grasshopper sufferers.
''Grasshoppers be hanged!' exclaimed
Sinner. s"The next fraud who comes in
here will get his neck broken!''
His chief clerk spoke to him about or
dering some goods, and he whirled
around and said he wouldn't order an
other dollars worth of goods in ten years.
A young man called to secure a place,
and Sinner threw the coal-stove shaker
at him and hit him on the ear.
Went to dinner; he fattered himself
a little that he had succeeded in cl1rbing
his inclination to drink, and his wife
patted him on the shoulder and whis-
pered:
Samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Gar of Russia!''
Going down town again he entered a
| saloon and asked the saloon-keeper if he
honestly thought that moderate amount
of brandy would affect the health. The
saloon-keeper was sure it wouldn't. The
bottles looked good to Sinner, and there
| was pleasant smell as he leaned over
| the bar.
When he reached his office he kicked
a chair over, hoisted the spittoon across
the room and sat down and dated a let
ter 1877. A lady called to have him
subscribe something for new Sunday
school, and he bristled up and yelled:
"No, sir-not a cent! Sunday schools
are killing the business of this country
| After about an hour he went out and
asked a doctor if three drinks of gin
per day would hurt anybody. The doc
tor thought not, If they were light drinks
| Returning to the Office Sinner hunted
| up an old brandy bottle and sat and held
| it a long time and wondered how they
were made, and then threw it into a coal
box and went out on the street and asked
a life insurance agent if two or three
drinks a day would hurt man. Of
course they would't, replied the agent.
Going home to supper Sinner asked
three more men, and they all replied
''no." When he reached home he said
the biscuits weren't fit for cann1bals, gave
the girl warning to leave, and called his
wife's brother, who was there on visit,
a hump-backed willful liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
| evening he asked three more doctors if
a little brandy was hurtful. Then he
went into little saloon and asked for
some pop. He was a good while drink
ing it, and then he asked to look at the
label on brandy bottle. When he had
read it be looked to see if the cork was
in very tight, and he asked the saloon
keeper If he thought brandy would hurt
any one.
When Sinner reached home that night
he threw his wallet at his wife, told the
hired girl she might stay there five
thousand years, begged his wife's broth
er's pardon, and, as he turned hand