The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-03-20
VARIETY.


NIcKNANED HER.-A queer old chap has nick
named his daughter Misery, because she loves
company
lady's hand - free from chaps" is q report that
she has no money.
A New Orleans paper offers the sentiment thus:
=" George Washington-First in war, first in peace,
and last in getting monument"
correspondent Of Western paper having
described the Ohio a ''sckly stream, !" the editor
appended the remark: ss That's so-it is confined
to its bed
A boy having been told "a that a reptile was an
animal that sreeps," on being asked to name one
on examination day, promptly and triumphantly
replied "a baby
They are selling pools in New York on the re-
suit Of the TiltOn-Beecher trial, running, it is
understood, odds ON disagreement, second choice
on a conviction, nearly even seconds on acquittal.
FIRM AND Where are your ruins
what ave you to teach you the fearful lesson Of
decay" demanded a pompOus Englishman OF
Suag, the other day. ''The Washington Monu-
ment, sir, was the firm and dignifed reply.
The French keep up their little jokes. AN
Alsatian woman goes TO confess. Father, have
committed a great sin. sWeur Il dare not say
il; it is too grievous.' Come, come, courage
Il have married Prussian.' Keep him, daugh-
ter mat your PehanOe-
COMPROMISED Sarah Yates, Of Arlington,
Mas, has always been a strong-minded girl and
opposed 70 matrimony. Recently, however, she
received an excellent offer of marriage, and COM
promised with her principles in this style: " Mr..
Bates, have reflected upon your proposition,
and have concluded to submit TO the humiliating
sacrifice you demand"
An old Bourbon War-horse was in from the
country on Wednesday, says the Br1HsrIeksT,
and while in town heard the news from Tennessee.
% Here Lie" -" he said 10 his wife, 90 drive back
home and don't look for me fore Saturday night.
I'm going 10 celebrate. Jestiss has been done at
last The good old times Is returnin'. Andy
Jackson has been elected again Hoop! bOoray.
I'm on il bigger'n n terbaeker factory"
lie was going up Jefferson avenue, in Detroit,
satchel in hand, when be saw an old hat on the
walk He deviated considerably from his course,
stopped close TO the hat, and drew back and
kicked with all his might. Some boys gathered
around him as he sat in the doorway holding his
foot and grinding bis teeth and waving his body
to and fro and they explained 20 him that he
should never kick old hats IN a strange town.
A stranger from the country observing an ordi-
nary roller rule on the table, took it up and IN
qairing its use, was answered: " IL Is rule Tor
eountinz-houses Too well-bred, as be con-
strued politeness TO ask unnecessary questions, be
turned it over and up and down repeatedly, and
at ast, in q paToxysm Of battied curiosity, be IN
quired, How in the name Of wonder do you
count houses with thIs?''
A grocer stepped out Of his door yesterday just
as a BOY had filed his pocket with apples from
barrel, and shouted: 's Herei you have been
stealing aPples-pOlice! police :" "Dont holler
ont that way 2" replied the boy, as he put the
apples back; Bill bet me thatmy pocket wouldn't
hold three old seekers, and was just trying to
see. I'm open TO such bets every day in the
week s''-DefrOf Free Press.
The minister calmly said that il must be. he
could not marry them unless they both did truly
and duly tell him their ages, such being the regu-
IAtion to which be must bow. The young man
mildly responded, - Twenty-six; the young wo-
man-ah, the young woman ! Answer7 Never.
HThen you can't be married" Her sOft cheek
grew white as the snow that rests upon the
mighty hills; her eyes were filed with anguish.
But she cried, Thirty one" Truth Like this
should have been rewarded, but IL wasn't, The
bridegroom observed that he had understood the
bride was only twenty-five. and he couldn't for
give deceit - FAREWELL he said. She re-
marked that this was justice, and they parted for
ever. Which ended their melancholy story.
A BEAUTIFUL ANswER-When the Emperor Of
Germany was lately q visit in a distant portion
OF his dOminions, he was welcomed by the school
children Of the village. After their speaker had
made speech for them he thanked them. Then,
taking an orange from plate, asked:
a. To what kingdom docs this belong?"
'sTo the vegetable kingdom, SIRE" replied the
little girl
The Emperor took gold coin from his pocket,
and holding it up, asked:
And to what kingdom does this belong?"
To the mineral kingdom, SIRE" replied the
little girl.
81 And to what kingdom do belong, then?"
asked the Emperor.
The little girl colored deeply, for she did not
like TO say . the animal kingdom, as he thought
sie would, Lest his majesty should be offended,
when bright thought came, and she said, with
radiant eyes:
ssTo Gods kingdom sire"
The Emperor was deeply moved. A tear stood
in his eve He placed his hand the child's
head and said, most desoutly:
"a Grant that may be accounted worthy Of that
kingdom" -s-fl IsfEr- -rs F-F.