Litchfield enquirer., 1875-07-08
CLIPPINGS.

CLIPPINGS.
 A Schenectady girl at spelling school sat down on "pantaloons.
 No man can become thoroughly &C., quainted with his family history without running for office. t"-1 A correspondent who mistakes us for a doctor, wants to inquire if hard boiled eggs are healthy. We suppose they must be, for we never heard of any being sick. A witty doctor said that tight lacing was benefit. insomuch as it killed all the foolish girls, and left the wise ones to grow to be women.
 When you see man with a great deal ofreligion displayed in his shop window, you may depend upon 1t he keeps a very small stock of it within. -. The Florentine version of the McOlos. key hat ceremony is the best. The Ep0co said: "Gen. Grant will with his own hands place the beretta on Mokloky's head"
 When boy falls and peels the skin off his nose, the first thing he does is to get up and yell. When a girl tumbles and hurts herself badly, the first thing she does IS to get up and look at her dress. Yet another warming. Joseph Bates, of Vermont, falls dead while carrying in an armful of wood. Show this paragraph to your wife. Nay, cut it out and pin it to the woodshed door.
 A boy, who will yell like Tartar if a drop of water falls on his shirt band when his neck is being washed ,can crawl through a sewer after a ball and think nothing of it.
 Some ingenius observer has discovered that there is a remarkable resemblance be- tween q baby and wheat. since it is cra- dled, then thrashed .and finally becomes the flower of the family.
 Nearly all the lawyers in San Francisco went to the philanthropist's Lick's, hotel on the first of April. in response to a spu- rious request to which the name of his agent was signed. ..
 The new building of the New York Trl- bune is nine stories high. When 8 man comes in and wants to know who wrote that article, he is told that the author is on the top floor with the elevator brok- en.
 An old riverman said Mark Twain had no genius for piloting, but if he could have been supplied with steamboats when learning the business he would have clear ed the river of snags; he never missed one.
 ''Sir." said little clustering man to a religious opponent. ''to what sect do you suppose belong?" "Well, don't ex- actly know" replied his opponent, "but to judge from your size, appearance and constant buzzing, should think you be- 1onged to the class generally called insect. ''On which side of the platform is my train ?" asked a stranger in a Jersey City depot the other day. "Well, my friend" replied a gentleman. passing, eff you take the left, yon'll be right, if you take the right. you'll be left" A countryman in Savannah. observing a gang of negroes laboring on the streets, each wearing ball and chain, asked enc why the ball was chained to his leg. s'To keep the people from stealing it. Heap of thieves about here."
 A Scotchman went to a lawyer once for advice. and detailed the circumstances of the case. ''Have you told me the facts precisely as they occurred?' asked the lawyer. "Oh, aye. ser!'' replied he, ''I thought it best to tell you the plain truth. Ye can put the lies into it yourself"
 ''Shut your eyes and listen init me-" said Uncle Van Hevde. ''Vell. de first night open store I counts de monies and finds him nix right. I counts him and dere be tree gone; and vat you dink I does den?" I can't say" "Vy, did not count him any more. and he comes out shOost right ever since" ..aE
 A young bride who had been fashiona- bly educated was asked by her fond hus- band to attend to the ordering of the din- ner, as he shouldn't have time to go to market. It is fact that she blandly re- quested the butcher to send home ''leg of tongue, seventeen pounds of steak, and two halibut."
 Eye-ronicaL.- Waiter-Beg pard'n, sirl Languid Swell-We-ell, what is it James? Waiter-Beg pard'n, I'm sure, sir; but d you know. sir, is there a gentleman here with one eye named Walker? Lam guid Swell-Dont know, m sure. Say, what's the name of the other eye2
 It was 12 o'clock at night when Mir. Berger, of Macon, Ga, discovered a colOred preacher in his stable untvin0 a horse, and the preacher only observed 'Jess what said all de time, Misrah Berger, your horse is bay sure enuff. and dat 'spute between me an Brudder Jack. son is settled"
 In Philadelphia the whole edition of a primer was published containing the fol- lowing ludicrous mistake, in consequence of the omission of the letter c:
 When the last trumpet soundeth,
 We shall not all die
 But we shall all be (c)hanged,
 In the twinkling of an eye.
 -Four doctors tackled Johnnie Smith,
 They blistered and they bled him:
 With squills and anti-billious pills
 And ipecac, they fed him. 8H
 They stirred him up with calomel,
 And tried to move his liver; 4'
 But all in vain-his little soul
 Was waited OCT the river."
 Enraged masician-''I thought you told me this was qulet villa Bounds here the very first morning comes one Foi those dekestable organs i' &Landlads- "Well, Sir yes, Sir; but, you see, my canaries can't do without their mornin horgan, hand I thought you'd lave no hob jecti0n to the armoDy of a brother hartis'
 Mfr. Wilson, while waiting at the rail way station for train in little Rock, AEk. tho other day, was startled by the follow ing conundrum sBoss, is Mir. Gram gwine to rnn for President, next time ? 'sWell. I can't tell you, my friend wa, the reply; s'he has not yet informed hi friends and tho country whak his 4nten ti0ns are" "Wel1 boss, Returned tht incoxrigible darkey, ssif he don't run, vii you ?" The Vice-P President hadn't tirAt to answer, for the train summoned hin away. sA