South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-06-25
WIT AND HUMOR.
~ The Maiden's Prayer--'papa, bu
me new spring suit"

Inc Otler u3f, uuIine tctnptSt saying
she did wish he would stop snoring as
she wished to hear the thunder.
IVA man boasting OF his pedigree to
another said that his father was eleya-
ted above the common herd Of men. He
was hanged
" How a woman can keep on talk.
ing while she is twisting up her back hair
and has her mouth fall Of hair pins is a
mystery not yet explained.
0"I am having myself taken in OIL"
said wcltknown physician, compla-
Gently looking round. ''Cod.liyer, 1 sup
pose" growled an experienced patient.
VA clergyman being applied to in
less than year after his appointment
70 put stove in the church, asked how
long his predecessor had been there, and
when answered twelve years, he said !:
We'll you never had n fire in the church
during his time: mo, sir" replied the
applicant 'but we had fire In the pull
pit then"
~ Little Bessie is the daughter Of a
clergyman Of Freeport, Me. Not long
since, when her father was away, and she
was playing in the yard, stranger came
along and inquired If the minister was
mt home. NO. she replied, "but mo-
Their is in the house and she will pray
for you, you poor miserable sinner
He passed on.
liz The lady who tapped her husband
gently with her fan at party and said,
love, it's growing late, think we had
better be going home," is the same one
who, after getting home, shook the roll
ing-pin under his nose and said, "you
old scoundrel, you if you ever look at
that mean, calico-faced, mackerel-eycd
thing that you looked at tonight. I'll
be the death of you'll ~
A GOOD FAMILY HoRsE.-"Yes." said
the driver of the car to the man who stood
on the steps, "she's mighty nice mare
for car work-leastway to look at
Kick? Well, you bet Since I've had
her, she's removed the insides from two
horses hitched in with her; she's caved
IN her stall times enough to make one
carpenter rich, and livened up more'n
one passenger; member one case in
particular: Nice old gent with young
sters. goin' out for Sunday picnic, had
n basket of lunch covered up with ia
ble-cloth. jest as he was gittin' of,
the mare worked round when | wasn't
lookin', and she fetched that basket one
clatter with both feet-I don't rightly
know but she got in on all four-anv-
ways there was lunch for everybody
within ten rods, whether he wanted it
or not; the paper boys mostly did
Think the old man saved the handle of
the ham and the cork of one bottle
Such nice-lookin' beast as she is, too.
Why that mare has been bought out of
the stables not less three times cause
she was such n gentle-lookin' lady's
horse. Well, it's good for the doctors
and wagon-makers, anyhow. Always
slaves up the family, and gets back into
the team'n less'n a week. Never was
broke, she wasn't; and never will be till
she falls off house" Chicago Trib.
LIZA gentleman in addressing the
charming Lady X, who has just remar-
ried in Paris for the third time, said re-
proachfully, you do not come to Lon
don any longer?" ''Oh, yes" she repli-
ed in a most natural manner, 81 always
pass my widowhoods there"
W"Why, Jennie, you look good e.
nough to eat" said loving husband to
his wife one morning at breakfast
well, I'm eating as fast as l can, amt ~"
10 District visitor, blandly-"Well
dame, and how do you find things now?"
Crusty old cottager-"How do find
things? why, by looking arter 'em, to
be sure"
IVA young lady, after reading atten-
lively the title of a novel called "The
Last Man." exclaimed, "Bless me, if
such thing we're ever to happen, what
would become Of the women?" What
would become of the poor MANI" was
the remark of an old bachelor.
EVShe used to keep bits of broken
china and crockery piled up in conve-
nient corner Of the closet, and when ask.
ed her reason for preserving such do.
mestic lumber, she shot n lurid glance at
her husband, and merely remarked !:
"He knows what them's for"
EV'"Hes. you may come again next
Sunday evening, Horace, dear, butt
and she hesitated. What is it, darling?
Have | given you pain?'' he asked. as
she still remained silent "You didn't
mean 10, I'm sure" she responded, "but
next time please don't wear one Of those
collars with the points turned outward :;
they scratch So"
Could WAIT.-A Sixth street boy, i'm
the house, was yesterday making faces
through the window at another boy on
the walk. The latter had no remedy
but talk and shaking hia Gat ~ tho ,,,;,,