The Saline County journal. [volume] (Salina, Kan.) 1871-1893, 1875-07-22
Doesticks and Artemus Ward.


were in Washington. Artemus was then
writing his Baldinsville article, Orphe-
US G. Ker. was writing his hospital pa
pers, Charles S. Halpine was writing his
Miles O'Reilley war criticisms, and Pc
troleun V. Nasty was writing his in
imitable four corners dialect satires.
Each was at the meridian o. his glory,
except poor Doesticks, who was passing
behind tho cloud which finally obscured
him.
Artemus had one practical joke which
he delighted to perpetrate on every oc-
casion, and which have forg 10
use in my recent biography of the gen.
ial Snowman. That joke was to rush up
behind some old fellow, slap him on the
back, grasp him by the hand, and greet
him with the most cordial, GLOW are
you George ! and then apologize to the
TO the surprised man by saying he took
him for an old friend, George Munson.
Well, one night in 1862 il was my for
tune to go into IIammock's old saloon,
opposite the Treasury Department, in
Washington, with Doesticlts, and Artc-
mus Ward. In the back end of the sa-
loon, up five or six steps, sat an old
Maryland farmer-.just the kind of an
honest, unsuspectng looking old fellow
as Artemus always liked TO strike for
his recognition Joke. Docsticlls was the
old farmer, and telling me to stay in the
front part Of tho saloon with Artcmus,
out of sight of the old man, he went
back himself 10 the farmer and perpe-
trated Artcmus' old Joke on him. Rush
ing up 10 the old countryman, slapping
him on the back and grasplng him by
the hand, be sang out:
Chow are you, George, old fellow -
glad TO see you-haven't seen Won in an
age-how've you been bows the farm.
how's--W
"You have the advantage of me,
stranger" interrupted the man in sur
prise.
40. | beg pardon, sir" exclaimed
Doesticks, in the huc, blest manner, al
beg ten thousand pardons, sir. | took
you for my old friend, George Munson,
but"
Gall right, sir mistakes will happen
we're all liable TO mistak es," says the
stranger, and then Doesticks came back
and joined US, while the old farmer went
on eating. Artemus was too busy to
notice what Doosticks had done, and as
q. X. Philander came back he sauntered
up to Artemus and said:
al say, Artemus, d'you see that old
farmer over there 7"
"What, the old man eating pumpkin
pie with his knife p
"Ycs," said Dcesticks, bowling.
"Wcll, he's good man 10 come your
recognition joke on; try it, Arcmus %
"All right Mort" says Artemus. /
"You fellows stan here an I'll show
you some fun. I'll puzzle that old farm
er till he don't know pumpkin pic from
from tripe."
Then Artemus walked along up the
steps toward him. AS he got alongside
of tho old farmer he gave a lurch and
grasped his hand violently with A.
"How are you, George! God bless
your old bald head. IIow's Sarah n the
children Uow's-"
"Now, look here !" shouted the farm
err, as he tipped over the table in his ef-
fort to get up quick, chats twice you
have. blundered round here. Now, YOU
git :" and he caught poor Artemus by
the coat collar and shook his fist in his
face.
al beg pardon, sir" stammcred Artc
mus. 81 took you for my old friend,
George Mum"
ayes, an that's twice you've took mo
for your old friend George Munson, you
stupid idiot, you D'you take mo for
d-d-tool-do you? OH 1 could lick !
the eyes out of you-you-you -"
and tho old farmer swayed his big fist in
the air, but Artemus slid "down and :
out" and came back to Doesticks all out
of breath.
al tried it, Mort" pulled Artemus, be-
tween his breath, "but-the-darned -
got mad. He didn't-know
enough to take-the ioke-and-
"Why, Charley, you ought TO have
known better" said DeesticLs, "when
I'd just came that same joke on the old
man myself You can't spect man to
stand that joke over twice in ten min l
ates, can your"
Artemus never replied, but went
straight down to Wizards Hotel and
went to bed. - Eli Perkins il Chicago
Inter Ocean.