The Donaldsonville chief. [volume] (Donaldsonville, La.) 1871-current, 1875-08-14
LAUGHING GAS.

A smart thlng-a mustard plaster.
How to become puffed up-swallow
a pint of yeast.
Academy of Design-a young lady's
boarding school. .~
If you will take away the "i" from
noise, you will have nose left. ',-a
With most men life is like back
CANNON, half skill and half luck.
Most people are like eggs-too full
of themselves to hold any thing else.
When man has business that
doesn't pay, he usually begins to look
around for a partner to share his
losses with him.
" An acre and half of potatoes
and sixteen bushels of, bugs" is the
way a farmer in Ohio put it down on
the assessors blank.
Somebody has calculated that three
million words were used by the par
ties in the Tilton- Beecher trial. And
yet they produced no sentence.
"What did you hang that cat for,
Isaac7" asked the marin. The boy
looked up, and with grave look an
swered: For mewtiny, marm! F"
"Our inside contains to-day" saysa
country editor" Dyspepsia ''Crooked
Whiskey,' "A Chinese Restaurant
and various other interesting articles"
A lazy fellow falling a distance Of
fifty feet, and escaping with only a
few scratches bystander remarked
that he was {" too slow to fall fast
enough to hurt himself"
A subscriber writes to an editor in
the West: {" l don't want your paper
any longer" To which the editor re-
plies, '' would not make it any longer.
even if you did; its present length
suits me-"
A Maine girl left her clothing in an
open boat and hid herself, and when
her parents were crying and saying
if they only had her back they would
obey her slightest wish, she appeared
and said she wanted to marry George.
Housemaid (just engaged) -"I
should like to be shown my ro0m,.
ma'am." Lady of the house {startled)
if you like; you'll find it q
e"-Housemaid- should
like to know if it's large enough for
my piano."
Elder sister (condescendingly)-.
-" See, Ethel, you had better come
and walk in my shadow. 1t will be
cooler for you!" Younger sister (who
resents patronage" You are very
good, Maud; but l have shadow of
my own, thank you!" .e
The editor of the Taunton Gazette
has been eating 'em, for he says:
+" The comely cucumber colmeth, con-
veying countless cases of cholera and
collie, causing cheerful comments on
the part of the compounder Of curious
but comforting cordials."
Give boy a market basket of gro
ceries to carry home and he will swing
it across his spine, bend half way to
the ground and groan with agony,
but give him that weight of base ball
bats and he will skip along as merry
as IL potato bug in ten-acre lot. 10
Acertain young gentleman of Evans
ton, Ind, recently accompanied
young lady to train to see her safely
started on her journey. He carried
her railroad ticket in his pocket for
safety, and found it there, when he
reached home, some hours after the
train left.
elbow are you, count ?" said noted
wag to a spruce-looking specimen of
the genus snob. "Sir!" exclaimed
the indignant swell, who are you, and
why do YOU call me count Z +" "Why
l saw you counting oysters, last week,
and l supposed you were of royal
blood" Snob vamosed.
A good double pun has been made
by Il clergyman. He had just united
in marriage couple whose christian
names were respectively Benjamin
and Ann. elbow did they appear dur
the ceremony inquired a friend.
They appeared both Annie-mated
and ennie-fitted," was the reply.
A printers reader in Leeds, Eng
land, has been sent to the House Of
Correction for fraud. Having for q
long time been employed in correcting
the errors of others, he has now to be
corrected himself. We trust that
after due locking up he will present
himself as the clean proof of a better
man, and will also carefully revise
his future mode of life.
General Schenck, U. S. Minister to
England, has been using an old Amer
lean anecdote to good advantage. To
the wife of a British cabinet officer,
who assured him that "England made
America all that she is," he said
Pardon, madam, you remind me Of
an answer of the Ohio lad in his teens,
who attending Sunday school for tho
first time, was asked by his teacher,
Who made you?' He replied 'Why,
God made me about so long (lolding
his hands about ten inches apart but
l growed the rest"
Mr.. Blivens, an old bachelor of
Rochester, who is much absorbed in
politics, visited the Widow Graham