The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-03-18
sUNBEAMS.

A Cincinnati pork-dealer proposes to
furnish the world with his ought-to-buy
biography.
Lament of the sidewalk Everybody
is down on me.
The most melancholy spectacle in the
world is a cold pancake.
In some of the new styles there is no
change. Poor relations are cut the same
as last year.
4 statistician.. estimates that courtships
average three tons Of coal each.
A crusty old bachelor explains thatthe
reason woman puts a finger IN her
mouth when she thinks, is because she
cannot talk and think too.
a French writer says not an American
in ten has handsome chin. But, in
nine cases out of ten, what he lacks in
chin is made up in his cheek.
a missing man was lately advertised
for, and described as haveng Roman
nose. He won't be found. Such a nose
as that will never turn up.
A slate pencil was extracted from an
indianapolis lawyers ear recently, after
having nestled there for seventeen
wears. The slate was not found.
els there any man in this town named
Afternoon?" inquired Mississippi
Postmaster, as he held up letter direct
ed 'sP. NJ"
A man may forget his business, his
family, and all the sacred obligations Of
life, but he always remembers where he
got that counterfeit bill.
Colonel Forney appears in the per
sonals of the italian papers as Capitano
Giovanni Fornez, and he is in danger of
being mistaken for bandit.
An English Judge has recently defined
gentleman as a term which includes
anybody who has nothing to do and is
outside of the workhOuse."
A negro woman in Pitt County, n. c.,
recently gave birth to triplets the first
was white, the second mulatto, and the
third black. This all comes from Civil
Rights.
When Cincinnati young man says to
his soulsidol s.Dont Kiss me any more
now, Sal; I'm tired" she knows he has
just been shaved by one of those pretty
female BARRIERS.
Pause young man. You want to get
married, and 1t is about time you did
But recoHect that unmarried men don't
have to sit up all night once week with
n shotgun, Watching the clothes line.
Fine sentiment from the Cleveland
Plain dealer: ssHe (the editor of the
LEADER is like the ostrich that hides his
head in bush heap and makes. an ass
of itself without knowing it.
An Eastern paper says that during
the performance of an opera IN st.
Petersburg, Patti was called out sixty
times. That sounds pretty huge, but
then she might have eaten something
that didn't agree with her.-St. Louis
Journal.
"Why," said Troy gentlemen to
young lady who refused to play on the
piano, s'you can play the BLUE Danube
Waltz can't you?'' ''No," said she,
''but can play penny ante. just like
little man."
Preparations are now in progress for
the presentation in this city, On the oc-
casion of the Jewish festival of Purim,
on March 81, OF the miracle play of
''Joseph in Egypt II is to be hoped
that the little Mrs. Potiphar episode will
be left out.
''She is a perfect Amazon" said a
pupil in one OF our schools of his teacher
yesterday, to a companion. eyes, said
the other who was better versed in geog-
raphy than history, II noticed she had
an awful big mouth.
s'Do you like to go to church % said
lady to Mrs. Darlington. Law me, L
do, replied Mrs. P; nothing does me
so much good as to get up early Sunday
morning and go to church and hear
populous minister dispense with the
Gospel"
California Item in the Milwaukee
News They got Wah Using, a Califor-
nias.heathen on the gallows, the other day,
with a rope around his neck, and he IN
quired of William Nye. the Sheriff
''Chokee like hell - eyes," said VIII
Liam, ''Cholzee, you bet, and then they
dropped him.