Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1875-02-18
BENJAMIN p. GUM.
How He Acted for the Peace SOciet


bury Neacs:
My life insurance agent, BENJAMIN P.
Gum, to whom l have alluded at length in
my book, is still around, and he is still can
vassing actively for his company. A day or
two ago he dropped in to persuade Mr.. Pit
man to take out policy, and the following
conversation ensued:
| Gunn-'I called"
Pitman-''O get out | don't want to be
bored about life insurance.
Gunn-'I just dropped in to see if"
Pitman-'l know you did, and don't want
anv. You can't insure me.
Gunn-''lf you will permit me merely to
Pitman-''But | won permit you. Skip
| This is the sixteenth time that you've tackled
me and I'm sick Of it. amt a-going to in
| sure my lite. That's settled
Gunn-''You misunderstood me, Judge.
called to ascertain if you are member OF the
Peace Society,"
Pitman-''I am
Gunn-'I thought so. And of course you
are willing to help along any scheme which
will put an end to war and murder
Pitman-''C -''Certainly.
Gunn-''Well, then, just listen to me.
am acting in behalf OF your society. | have
on hand a magnificent plan, for producing
| permanent peace on earth and making armies
useless. Why did Cain kill Abel?'
Pi1man-''I dunno"
Gunn-''Because he had no particular in
terest in keeping him alive. That's the rea-
son. Why did David bang Goliah why did
the Romans butcher the Carthagenians; why
did old what's his name burn Ridley and La
| timer at the stake?"
Pitman-''Hanged if know"
Gunn-"Why, because it wasn't money in
| the pockets of any of those fellows to have
the other fellows walking around enjoying
life. Do you suppose Brutus would stabbed
Caesar if Caesars death would kept Brutus
hard up for market money? Not much, he
wouldn't Do you believe Wise would hung
old John Brown, if Johns death would a
forced Wise to borrow money to buy boots p
Pitman-May be he wouldn't"
Gunn-"Well, then, look here. Suppose
you was policy-holder in mutual life in
surance company, wouldn't it reduce your
| dividends if you was to kill another member,
| and wouldn't you do your terrific best to keep
that member alive?"
Pitman-'Strikes me I would"
| Gunn-s'Now, what am aiming at is to
gather the entire civilized earth-the whole
human family-into our company, SOS that
all hands will be perfectly wild to keep every
body else alive. When this is done, you can
beat ysur swords into spears and your plow-
shares into pruning hooks, for there'll be no
more war. Don't you see? m not working
| for paltry commission or two. Its labor
Of love. I'm trying to elevate the race and
| promote Christian civilization"
Pitman-"It never struck me that way"
Gunn-''Anyhow, it's 50. And | ask you
as a member of the Peace Society, to enroll
your name among those who are carrying on
this great work. Terms low as any other
company, and dividends payable semi-annu-
ally Unborn generations will rise up and
call you blessed. We make our policies pay
able at any age, or we'll put you in the Ton
tine; and you'll dry the widows tears and
hush the cry Of the orphan. Go in for a
81, 900 policy, and assure you that the glad
hosannas of the white-robed angel of Peace
once more will resound from the starry vaults
Of heaven, and oyer the smiling earth the
songs of love will still the clangor of the war
horse and the boom of cannon, and man once
more will know the felicity of Paradise. Your
grandmother died of liver complaint, be-
lieye? Lem'me see, how old are you?'
Pitman-"Im forty-four in February. Put
me down for SIS, 900 payable at sixty years of
age. Call in the morning with the papers,
and I'll sign 'em.''
Gunn-"Good day. I'm off, I've got an
engagement with Cooley at II, and I'm anx-
ious to keep it. I've haunted him for tive
years now, and he has succumbed."