The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-07-15
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SPACE. Il WIZ WIS WI M . m. g nj
WHOLE NO. 1869.
Miscellaneous.

Matchless maid-the kitchen girl out
of lucifers.
If you don't bride Your tongue. saddle
be your fate.
What is the form of an escaped par
rot2 A polly-gone.
| At a recent spelling match one man
spelt it "pasnip" and got beet.
Letter gop' as the boy said when he
| lamp-posted his letter at the street cor
ner.
One swallow does not make spring,
but dozen swallows sometimes make
one fall.
Why cannot Temperance man kiss
| jewess He has sworn not to taste
jew-lips.
Why is pig the most provident of an
mails Because he always carries a spare
rib or two about him.
The poet Schiller died May 9, 1905.
The steamship Schiller, named after the
poet, went down May 9, 1875.
"Quills are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.
The man whose departure left blank
in the house" did not die; he was q CEN
sus taker, and will return again.
A young English lady, residing in
Paris, has received over fifty lashes. She
was born with them-on her eye-lids.
Straus composed his first waltz when
seven years of age, his father boxing
his ears for fooling away his time.
Speaking of railroads a wag remarked
that they are now built of three gauges,
viz: Broad-gauge, narrow-gauge and mort
gage.
What's the difference between the
lower part of the leg, and the late comet2
Ones shin and bone, and the others
been and shone
Old gent-What do you wear specs for
boy?' Bootblack-"Cos 1 puts such a
shiny shine on gentlemen's boots it
hurts me eyes"
"The man who pronounces "Don Quix-
ote" "Donkeyhote' shows a disposition
to intrude his own name that is
not commendable.
A Western man, reading of cricket
club in New York paper, writes the
editor to know if the club is good for
anything for grasshoppers.
~ go through my work" as the needle
said to the idle boy "But not until you
are pushed hard" as the idle boy said to
the needle.
Why is church bell more affable than
a church organ? Because one will go
when it is tolled, but the other will be
"blowed" first.
Many a pretty girl of humble extrac-
ton has risen far above her station in
life. Why, even Venus herself came of
the scum of the ocean.
A photographer, taking down one of
DR.. Mary Walkers lectures, made the
well-known legend, "Honi soft qui NAL y
pense," read, "Only see how Molly pants"
An Illinois woman who wanted to go
to masquerade party as Mary, Queen of
Scots, looked through the Bible to ascer-
tain how the character was dressed.
A young lady who had no time to
spare for making garments for the poor
has been engaged three weeks embroid-
ering blanket for her poodle dog.
Minnie, I'm in such quandary; for
if turn my back on Charley he becomes
offended at once, and if don't he can't
see my new buckle. What shall l do ?"
Artists have adopted many emblems of
charity. We wonder if none of them
ever thought of piece of India-rubber,
which gives more than any other sub
stance 80
A kind-hearted, peace-loving Balti-
more man painted his front steps twenty
three times trying to please his wife, and
then decided that the first color was the
best. ta 'etes oa.orJ
A Western editor insists that he wrote
the word "trosseau as plain as pikestatf
in connection with certain bridal pres
ents. The printer, however, vulgarly
put it trousers
A young lady, after reading attentively
the title of novel, called "The Last
Man." exclaimed, "Bless me, if such a
thing were ever to happen, what would
become of the women"
There's nothing so wonderful about
malleable glass that can be hammered.
friend of mine has a glass still unbroken,
though he has kept punch-in-it at inter
walls for several years. e
If, says a contemporary, Brigham
hat every time he lost wife or mother
in-law, it is estimated his hat would have
to be twenty-seven feet high.
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates,
of Vermont, falls dead while carrying in
an armful of wood. Show this paragraph
to your wife. Nay, cut it out and pin it
to the woodshed
1t is sagacious remark of keen OBJ
server that you can generally tell newly
married couple at the dinner table, by
the indignation of the groom when q fly
alights on the brides butter.
Old Lady (who sleeps badly: Nov.
Mary, if l should want to light my can
die, are the matches thereT Mary:
"Yes, ma am, there's wan" Old Lady:
"One Why, if it misses fire, or won't
light" t"-Mary: "Oh, divil fear of it,
ma am. Sure 1 thried it"
When a boy falls and peels the skin off
his nose, the first thing he does is to get
up and yell. When girl tumbles and
hurts herself badly, the first thing she
does is to get up and look at her dress.
A farmer complains that hook and
ladder company has been organized in
his neighborhood He states that the
ladder is used after dark for climbing
into the hen-house after which the hook
ing is done.
Quin, the actor, being asked by lady,
why there were more women in the
world than men, replied. "It is in con-
formity with the other arrangements of
always see more of heaven
than of earth " ~