, 1875-09-19
in Earnest Discussion Of the 9latri-
I1onial Problem.
Every Phase Of the Question Sys-
dramatically Gone Over.
Even the Notorious John Allen Gives
His Experience.
Convincing Arguments Backed
by the Figures.

CHICAGO, Sept Hive seen you fellows 60
ing On With this everlasting discussion about
marriage and such like just as long as propose
to. You have been publishing lot of letter.
from people who don't know ANYTHING about il
anyway, and 80 it stands to reason that they
haven't hit the point ut all !; they have been gun
ming nj over and around it, and have missed the
mark every time.
Itel1 you the trouble ain't in getting along atte'
you're married, but it's in getting married in the
first place.-that's what ais nc. Don't make
Any difference what wages you get after Jour
married. the woman's got to get along on them,
hain't she To Be certainly she has; what else
eau she do Then. OF course all this bosh
about their not being able to afford it goes fol
nothing, don't it 2
But that amt the difficulty at adjust as !
said before, you've got to catch one first, then
shss got to live On half the 1eceipts or less, and
that's all about it.
Well, now I've read these letters from young
fellows and they all take it for granted that they
could get girl it they wanted her-on1y they
don't dare. Well. now, just you don't believe
that; they're putting up job on you from the
start; they haven't had any better luck than I've
had, and that's poor enough, God knows.
way, and perhaps I'd better tell you what my
luck has been. then you'll understand how these
other young snipes are ii1ed. for tell you, Tor
su1e, that they are just about Like me-most OF
them anyway.
Well, i thought it all over and concluded
had better settle down, and thought I would
PICK out soma only daughter, with 3 rich and lu-
valid father and talk business to her and did
She wasn't just exactly handsome; but. barring
one game eye, aud red hair, and pock-mark and
sucn, she wasn't so bad though she Was about
70 or 80. Well, I did mosen etainally 60 for
that girl [and the old mans shekels). and took
her to theatres, and ricnlcs, and church fairs,
md bought her caraznets and slch, and car
aed around her photograph (profle view
Fithout tho wall eeve),, and when l
hougnt Id sofscned her up about
night, and asked her to share my humble lot,
md cheer nv desolate existence, and be my
suidine star, and walk down hfe's Eatb with me,
ind help me to set up little paradise On ea1th
mi sch, best knew how, you know; got 1t Ail
sut OF book. and wish may never # she
lidn'k set up screech and call out the old man
xith cane aud, in lessn two minutes, vas
,lock OF. and the old pi-tareen was a-standiug
It the gate and a-te!ing how he'd fix me if in
,nlted his daughter again.
And never went near that house from that
lime out And the girl aAs married in less than
NO weeks to an old head with no moro hair than
! white bean.
Well, thought that over considerable, and
concluded that, somehow, wasn't fitted to
iL1re in the higher circles and pr raps 1t would be
setter it I found q true and loving heart neare.
1y own condition in life, a1d one who would share
nth me the heat and burden OF the day, and
.olace humble home with the Establishments
II true aud heartfelt love.-and all that, you
TO- Anyway, got introduced to might; gor-
geous blonde in mitlinery-store, and chuckcd
pystats, and reed birds, and ice-creaEn and fno
talk into that girl enough to fetch the most OBJ
stinate young woman ever was and told her
the Same story pretty much that told the other
About shnring my humble lot, and
iii tho rest Of it, and she
took it all down, oysters and tall, and al like .
eat would new milk, and bought her dollar
jewelry till ron couldn't rest. and fixed up the
LAY for the Wedding, and I read over how
goung couple could i've on $11 week-and
shen. after all, irish l may Deyor snatch another
smigrant if abe didn't run away and join
gariety show about two days before the wedding
ls those are likely TO encourage matrimony and
khe joining together Of true hearts that beat az
nne Seems to me somehow as the beat WAS
III On one side looks like WAS the only one
slao got beat so far.
fred mighty close and tried to pay up some OF
my debts. and giyo the emigrants N extra
squeeze when got good chance, and4 after q
heap Of thinking, come to the conclusion that
sheee city g1rls knew heap too many tricks for
pou1ings Of the heart, the simple voics Of Na~
ture's impulses, and suuh. I'd better 90 into the
.u1al districts, where tilero amt any oyster
saloons and dollar jewelry. and pn1l-back
dresses; and 90 took a little trip
f+;o md n
some girls. One Of them was = farmers
daughter with good round face and hand
ike : basewood hsm! She could make butter,
aud oook, aud hadn't any waist to speak Of
same slze from the shoulders all the way down-
but she waa clever enough, too. Well. | used to
70 ont and her pretty often, and talk politics
with the old man, and nake up t, the gill. aud
drink hard cider. and cultivate tue friendship Of
4 big bu1l-pup they had. I thought was COM
ing on Ill right. but somehow the old man found
when l Was ont walkin: With the girl,
he came oue and called her in, and
told me il walled night smart to town
l could catch the next trasn and SOS wouldn't
ndss it by bein' too slow, be set the pup On me,
and told me he'd found ont all about me- and
the gu1 snickered and seemed to enjoy it.
didn't miss the train.
Now don't want TO take mp too much time or,
ii did feel free to do it, could tell you about
three or four other trials Of mine how l wanted
say that there don's any OF your cor
The meat Of the matter, as it,
we're; they Ill 80 on palaveripg about the ex-
pense and such like, when that amt the que5-
ton At al. II they want to show some sense on
the subject, why don't they tell fellow how to
get the girl to say ''yes" and keep her promise:
that's what's the matter. At any rate, that's
vhat ails yours truly, JOCK ALLEN.
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