Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-01-06
HUHOROUS.

HUHOROUS.
ADoRMAST WAsP.-Says the Burling-
ton HaUkeye: A West Hill minister
picked up frozen wasp on the side
walk, and with view to advancing the
interest OF science, he carried it in the
house and held it by the tail while he
warmed its ears over lamp chimney.
His object was to see if wasps froze to
death, or merely lay dormant during
the Winter. He is of the opinion that
they merely lie dormant, and the dor
manifest kind at that, and when they
revive, he says, the tail thaws out first,
for while this ones head, right over the
lamp, was so stiff and cold it could not
wink, its probe worked with such in
conceivable rapidity that the minister
couldn't gasp fast enough to keep up
with it. He threw the vicious thing
down the lamp chimney, and said he
didn't want to have any more truck
with dormant wasp, at which his wife
burst into tears and asked how he, a
minister of the gospel, could use such
language, right before the children,
too.
A HANDSOME young Englishman,
making a call at house In Washing
ton, where there resided some of the
loveliest young ladies, suddenly dis
covered that he had come out without
his purse. The prettiest of the ladies
"Would you ?" was the reply. The
dollar vas produced from the most
charming portemonnaie, and the beau
tiful American said, laughingly, 81
must have interest, you know, when
you return it." The handsome Eng
hshman called next day, repaid the
dollar, and placing couple of e1qui-
sitely-cut- bottles of perfume on the
table. added, ''and there is the interest,
two cents"
A MANAGERS ExPKDIENT.-An the
female vocalists and fair members of
the chorus engaged at a certain little
theatre in Italy had got into the habit
of never going to rehearsal, or to the
performance in the evening, without
each of them being accompanied by one
or two old ladies, who passed as their
mothers. All these old ladies crowded
the stage very inconveniently, till one
day the manager, whose patience was
quite exhausted, resolved to put an end
to the abuse. For this purpose, he had
a notice printed and stuck up at the
stage door; "Henceforth, no lady en-
gagged in this theatre will be allowed to
bring with her more than one mother
at time"
A YANKEE gentleman. escorting a
British friend to view the different
objects of attraction in the vicinity of
Boston, brought him to Bunker Hill.
They stood looking at the splendid
"This is the place where Warren FELL"
" All !" replied the Englishman, evil
IDENTIFY not posted In local historical
matters, "did it hurt him much ?"
"Hurt him !" said he, che was killed.
SIR" 'Ah, he was eh ?" said the
stranger, still cycling the monument,
and computing its height layer by
layer. swell, should think he would.
have been, to fall so far"
An AMBITIOUS Biddy, applying for a
cooks situation the other day, was I'M
fortunately little too glib in self
praise for her own interest, when, in
reply to the inquiry if she could pre-
pare a dinner of three courses, said she
could ''purvide a dinner nv a dozen
courses, or aven twinty, no matter how
many, if the butcher STINT the 'cOorses in
sayson-for there was niver the coorse
l couldn't coOk-sure it's a coOrse cook
L am entirely" mo doubt" replied
the lady, "entirely too coarse for me-"
A HUMOROUS old man fell in with an
ignorant and rather impertiuent young
minister, who proceeded to inform the
old gentleman, in positive terms, that
he could never reach heaven unless he
was born again, and added: 81 have
experienced that change, and now feel |
no anxiety" "And have you been born
again? q said his companion musingly. |
"Well, said the old gentleman, eyeing
him attentively, "I don't think it would |
hurt you to be born once more"
WoMAN's impulsiveness in forming
conclusions is well illustrated in the /
following note from Brooklyn gentle |
man: 81 was relating at tea a moment |
ago, the account in the papers of the
collision on the Chesapeake. How did /
you say the passengers were saved ?
asked my wife. why, the Falcon, the
other boat, took them off, 1 replied.
'Myp she said, what fortunate
thing that other boat happened to be
just there"
A FAMOUS banker was busily writing
a letter at q desk in his office, when a /
well dressed stranger entered. "Take |
chair, sir, please" says the banker,
81 will finish my letter i'll a moment"
"Do you know who 1 am, sir ?" cries
the stranger. drawing himself up, 81
am Lord =, Minister Plenipotentiary
TO-" etc. "Oh are you indeed ?"
was the bankers reply. "Then pray,
take two chairs"
STEwARDEss. stewardess, called Mrs |
Timidity from her state-room one night |
aboard an English steamer, "come here
quick, the ships side has cracked"
The stewardess rushed in in a great |
state of excitement only to find that the |
water pitcher, carelessiy left on the |
lounge, had jumped into Mrs. Timid-
ity's berth, and somewhat saturated |
the old lady.
A YOUNG lady, known as a regular
chatter-box, having monopolized the
for the first half hour at |
table, asked Quaker present how he
liked tongue, remarking at the same
time that she had prepared it in several
tempting ways; to which he meekly |
replied ''In repose." A slight lull in
followed.
Two YOUNG gentlemen were looking
at fashionable ladies promenading in
front of fashionable hotel. One of
them asked the other why he did not
get married. "You have got money
enough" said he, ito feed a wife"
EYES," replied the other, "but [ have