The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-05-20
Wit and Hlunor.


SPIRIT Of the press-Cider.
AFFAIRS in Japan-Tea- caddies.
THE Indian question-Arns or aims?
The observed Of all observers Venus
in her transit.
DANGERS AFoor-Banana skins and
orange peels.
WHISKY is more easily rectifed than
the mistakes it causes.
IF q man lives exclusively on vegeta-
BILE, is the fluid in his veins blood or
sap?
OF what beverage did julius Caesar
die? Of a Roman punch, administered
by Brutus.
BUTY is a woman's prerogative; but
buty in man IL the next kalamity to
being fool.
The New York hats are said to remind
the beholder of Long Branch hotel
all piazza and band.
The uncertainty of the known makes
us more anxious concerning the certainty
Of the unknown.
The hair of young lady in Vermont
turned white in q single night. She fell
into flour barrel.
The man who knows all about drains
and such like sanitary contrivances may
fairly be ranked as a connoissewer.
AN Illinois editor bought his ink by
the Jug full, because he could get it
cheaper, but his wife went to fill the
inkstand one morning and found it wasn't
ink, by a jug full.
DISTRICT Visitor (blandly)-" Well,
dame, and how do you find things, now?"
Crusty old cottager-" How do [ find
things? Why, by looking arter 'em, to
be sure-drat you /"
AN actor being recently absent from
rehearsal, the stage manager said he must
be fined. 'FBut before he is fined he
must be found, " suggested the low COM
edy actor Of the company"
CLARA LOUISE KELLOGG tells untruths.
She says, for instance, she wouldn't
marry the best man in America. It is a
joke, however. She knows we've been
married number of years.
A PERSON was told that three yards Of
cloth, by being wet, would shrink one
quarter of yard. "Well, then, he in
quired, s'if you should wet quarter of
q yard, would there be any left?"
AN Iowa paper tells of smart wife
who helped her husband to raise seventy
acres of wheat. The way she helped
him was to stand IN the door and shake
broom at him when he sat down to rest.
In this part of the country when two
long separated friends meet they shake
hands and exclaim, "My dear fellow,
I'm awful glad to see you" but out in
Denver they come up, and, whacking
each other GA the back, exclaim: cold
pard, I've fouled ye. Let's booze"
"WHAT do you do for living?" asked
a farmer of burly beggar who applied
at his door for cold victuals and old
clothes CT don't do no thing much, but
travel about" was the answer. care
you good at traveing?" asked the farmer.
g Yes, " replied the beggar. 'FThen let's
see you travel" said the farmer.
MAUD with much sympathy in her
voice." Only fancy, mamma, Uncle
Jack took us to picture gallery in Bond
street, and there we saw picture of
lot of early Christians, poor dears, who'd
been thrown to a lot of lions and tigers,
who were devouring them" Ethel
with still more sympathy" Yes, and
dear, there was one poor tiger
that hadn't got Christian. .
s AN PSYCHOLOGICAL DIALOGUE.
Noah's wife
What barking, grunting, snorting, growing!
What believing, roaring, braying, lowing!
What a croaking, snarling, yelping ne1gh1ng
What a bleating gobbling, quacking, braying!
What a juggling, cacking, chirping, cawing!
What prrring cackling, twittering, jawing!
What gruntling, yowling, crying growing!
What caterwauling, chuckling, bowling
What belng, swapping, yapping, bawlng
What yelling, twitterng, squeaking, squalling!
Really Noah, know shall be driven stark
lad if don't Immediately get out of this Ark
Noah
ny dear, you should know that contented mind is
= continual FEAST
md also that life we must put up with every sort
of beast!
A CAT WITH FIVE HEADS. Boston
,ffers some prodigies In the way of cats.