The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-10-16
VARIETY.

1HE MoRE-It is remarked that the more girls
pinned back the more forward they seem.
OBITuARY -. Gone to meet his uncle on his
mother's side,' was an obituary notice in West
ern paper, recently.
} BosToN.-They will have their little jokes.
A Pennsylvania paper says: Boston, populous
Boston, may properly be described as the town
in which hundreds of thousands daily '' live,
move and have their beans
ALPHABErIcAL-M Duane thought it would
be good joke to have his only son learn the
alphabet early, and so named him Aaron Burr
Concord Duane, making bis initials A. b. G. ID.
When the boy married Ellen Francis Garrow
Hurd +. f. q. III. } he began to think how the
balance of the alphabet would come in as applied
to the children.
TRANsFusIoN is A SUccEss.-The veins of an
Iowa lawyer were recently filled with the fresh
blood of a Durham bull The thing works like
n charm. He used to make people shed tears by
delivering eloquent Fourth of July speeches, and
now they shut him up in a four-acre lot where
he bellows and paws the earth, but bothers no.
body.
BIANDIY AsKED.- "A very tall and shabby
looking man, O fellow that reminded you of vag-
rant letter from font of forty line paragon extra
coodensed, stepped up to one of our bars, last
week and, after heaving glass OF liquor into
his long throat, blandly asked the bartender if
be could change a twenty-dollar bill. The gentle
man informed him that he could. sWel," said
the tall one, with sigh of satisfaction, ..IH 60
out and see if can find one," and he plunged
out into the cold world on his mission.
NEEEa KSEw.-A sweet little incident. is re-
lassd by a writer, who says, " asked a little
child not long ago, Have you called your grand
ma to tea?"t Yes. When l went to call her she
was asleep, and lid not know how to wake her.
I didn't wish to halo at grandma, or shake her;
so kissed her cheek, and that woke her softly i.
N hall and Land a
ma tea is ready and she never knew what woke
her
Mark Twin is as fully determined as ever not
10 lecture any more. He writes as follows:
Dear Redpath Here yon again with your
customary annual lecture temptations! Your Of
fers have been prodigal before; but this time you
surpass yourself when you say you will pay me
whatever ask. At first thought would take
you up and 60 into the lecture field once more,
charging you a million or perhaps two million
dollars a week. But consulted with friends of
mine, and they said, with strong profanity, that
it was 10 much. Now that comes from people
trying to talk about thing they do not know
any thing about. If these persons had ever gone
Iecturing whole horrible Winter, through mud
and slush, they would have known that my terms
were not only reasonable out almost sdiyinely
cheap. However, the violent remarks of these
ignorant friends have decided my course: L will
not lecture at all at any price. will stay at
home and sulk. But, joking aside, Redpath,
season. All last Winter sat at home drunk
with Joy over every storm that howled along,
because | knew that some dog of q lecturer was
out in it. L am expecting to have just as good
time next Winter, and do not think it is noble in
YOU to want to deprive me of it. Yours, with
affection, MARX TWAIN.
BAPTIZED BY MIsTAKE.-Some of our worthy
colored brethren of the Baptist persuasion had
baptism down the creek last Sunday, and the
ceremony attracted a large crowd of people.
Mrs Pitman's colored servant girl was very anx-
ious to be present, and as it was not her Sunday
out she slipped away from the house while the
dinner was cooking and went around in her work
ing clothes. Her interest intense that
she stood close to the minister, who was in the
water while the ceremony proceeded. After six
or seven had been dipped, the clergyman. filed
with enthusiasm, seized her and pulled her into
the water. She resisted, but the minister I'M
agined that she was merely afraid of the coldness
Of the water, before she could explain the situ
alton he soused her. She came mp spluttering,
and exclaimed ssa.-- a.-
What you DONG? Lemme go, I tell you!"
But he exerted his strength, and sent her 80 ker-
chuck below the surface again. She emerged,
elawing the air wildly and shouting: l,sss,
G'way from herei Don't you chuck me
under agin, you nigger!"
But the clergyman was inexorable, and he
plunged her under the third time, and held her
there for minute, so as to soak in and do her
good. Then she came up and struck for the
shore, and standing there, looking like drag
gled mermaid cut in ebony, she shook her fist at
the astonished pastor, and shrieked
''Oh, III tx you! III bust the head often
you, you or'nary trash, sousin' me in dat dare
creek and nearly droWnded me, when you knowed
well enough all de time dat Is Methodist, and
been christened by dem dat's yer hetters, and
\ knows more about religion den all the Babtisses
2sat ever shouted, you mis'able black scum and
>fne got de rhumatiz enough to set me crazy, Oh,
I'll see what de law kin do for you I'll have you
4 rested dis very day, or my names not Johanna
SIohnson, you woolly-headed herrin'! You hear
Iiien Johanna went home to redress, and the
ceremony proceeded. Miss johnson is now per-
ar,adod that the Rantiafs ara nnf anv hetter than