National Republican., 1875-06-10
rnHnEs rRom TIE rock.
AForty Rod Telescope to Find Justice.

?
'!Well, what is troubling your peace OF mind,
Young nan?n said the CLERK Of the court to Stone
wall Jackson as he sauntered up to the desk with
a nose knocked into wrinkles and q coat torn into
shreds.
WBoss dar is trouble in de family, and Ise been
badly imposed" sobbed Stonewail, as he fum-
bled the Good Book upon which ten thousand
oaths are taken every year.
"You are cut of luck, young man, and always IN
trouble. Why don't you get out OF the right side
of the bed in the morning and commence the day
Alright and then you'd find the stream ef life Eid-
ing smoothly and the world full Of Charms. I'd
like to know who has been yanking you through
a ragged edged knot-hole this time; and before
you ansWer take your hstout Of that ink-stsnd-"
1.-THE truth is, boss, mywIfe is made Of the worst
stuff that ever CREW." returned Stonewall, as ne
took the hat from the ink-stand and dropped II
into the clerks lunch basket "She's forked
lightning, inpregnated with sulphuric acid.
When she's mad she's a star actor on de stage Of
domestic inflicity, and I'll bet my bottom two
pence dat dot are man don't live what can swing
q more persuasive foot and hurl more conYinc-
ing fist den she can"
TStopewall," said the clerk, as 3 shadow Of ex-
pressiye sadness fell on his face, 'StoneWsl, you
must know that man was made to mourn. just
think of it. What If you should eliminate from
our midst the pleasant shops of our undertakers;
up all the black Grape; sell our graVeysrds and
bury the tomb-stones; export all our Thomas cats
and kill all our ergan-grinders, what would this
beautiful city amount 10? Where, ask you,
young man, could you then find that peace OF
mind which these blessings afford, and that Vari-
ETY. which is life's spice?"
"Well, boss, if man was made to mourn, l hlled
my bill when 1 married dat woman. Oh, she's
terrible. She got up last night when come home
from de literary society, and says sheI StoneHali
jackson, Whar de dickens hab you been? To de
society, says I; and den she clutched me by de
ears and turned me ober de back eb chere and
tried to put my light out. She is de stoutest Wo-
man dat ever drew de breath oh life; but abe
hain't as much mercy and loving kindness about
her as a Swampoodle goat. She vowed she would
kill me- and 1 began to believe her when she
drapped a deal stool on my head, and den kicked
me into de kitchen and back again, because told
her dat she would wake do baby up. She not
only broke my nose, boss, but can't sit down
without thinking how powerful-ltke she kicked
me-"
Your nose does look rufhed, I'll acknowledge,
Stonewan, and you may have some difficulty in
sitting down without thinking of 1t, but you
mustn't let such little things worry you. Wait
until you get whole tea set smashed over your
head, or until you get scalded and bllstered and
Esshed with an axe, or stirred with crOWbar, or
something lively like that and then I'll draw you
up a warrant that you won't be ashamed to frame
and hang up in the parlor," and Stonewall busted
his hat around the legs Of the clerks desk and
shufied of grumbllnR, 'It would take forty
rod telescope to find justice above the horizon at
dis yere court"