The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-07-01
Wit and Hnmnr.

Fox's Martyrs Ducks, fowls, turkeys
al geese.
The cruelest Viivisection-C Cutting your
friends. The most painful Cutting your
fingers.
EEvERY husband thinks that he can
tame a shrew, except the poor fellow
that has her.
IA clone observer says that the words
which ladies are fondest of are the first
and last words.
ONE of the uninitiated says he sup
poses that Masons are only higher sort
of hod-fellows.- World.
QUILLs are things that are sometimes
taken from the pinions of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.
The reason why Pagans are so far be-
hind-hand in the march of civilization, is
because they are such idol people.
THE Gar of Russia entertains the tele-
graph conference to-day. Wonder
whether any Poles are invited.-C0na-
m1erc50I Advertiser.
Two editors are now living with bull
lets in their heads. In large number
of instances if you wanted to reach an
editors brains, shoot him when his
back is to you. And shoot low.-Elc-
change.
HERE is an extract from a letter writ
ten to her lover by Montgomery (Ala.)
girl: "For your sake, darling, have
quit using chewing gum; would you
have quit gum for me9 [ would not
have quit gum for any other person in
the whole world.
A YOUNG lady who had just recovered
from a severe indisposition was visited
by gentleman friend, who found her
reclining on a sofa in the parlor. After
some little conversation she remarked
/" I have been laying long enough, and
shall set awhile
A RUDE, ignorant fellow called on the
late James Howe, the painter, well
known for his spirited representations of
the lower animals, and inquired whether
he was "the man who drew pictures O.
brute beasts" GO I am, }" replied Howe;
"shall I take your likeness 2"
Mr.. BAcKUs, of Michigan, was so in
iudicieus as to smoke in the same wagon
with can of coal-oil. If Prof. Peters,
in scanning around among the planets,
should happen to get glimpse of any
thing that looks like fragment of Mr..
B., he will send word to the papers.
PRETzELs.
No man can lick a postage stamp with
out disturbing the piece.
The latest gag-Garroting at mid
night.
Sentiment for census taker- Many
happy returns.
A towboat will naturally burn quicker
than any other kind of water craft.
JONES gave a lawyer bill to be col
lected, to the amount of $40. Calling
for it, after a while, he inquired if il
had been collected. sob, yes !" said
the lawyer, 81 have it all for you"
I" What charge for collecting?" ooh"
said the lawyer, laughing, "I'm not go
ing to charge you why, I have known
you ever since you were boy, and your
father before you; $50 will be right
handing over SO. Well, said Jones,
as he meditated upon the transaction,
it's darned lucky he didn't know my
or / shouldn't have got
SAID Jenkins to his wife one day,
We've scarcely anything to eat;
And if we don't do something soon,
We shan't make both ends meet"
His wife replied in accents mild,
81 think it's very well we're fed,
IF we can make but one end meat,
And make the other bread"
PRESIDENT LERDo, of the Mexican
republic, is acompactly built gentleman,
rather under the average size, with
small head scantilY covered with hair,
bright dark eyes, pleasant smile, and
yet courteous manners.