Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-12-31

Politeness and Punotilio.
Visiting and calling etiquette is
one Of these things. Each social
clique has its own Interchangeable ideas
in regard to what is or is not etiquette
in the matter of calls; and many have
been the heart burnings and jealousles
caused by the misunderstanding of
these conflicting codes. Especially
is this the case in those smaller towns
which it is just now our Republican
atfectation to call provincial. Mrs.
Jones takes with her into some small
western city the notions OF etiquette
which she learned in some small
eastern city. She acts strictly upon
her own code, severely disregardlng
that Of the place into which she has
come. Her new neighbors, with an
equal degree of righteous inflexibility,
adhere to their code. Pollteness-
which Lord Chatham we'll defined to
be "benevolence in trifles" - with
draws her flag of truce, indignant at
the hands of the two conflicting cti.
quettes, and discord reigns supreme.
The family of Mrs. Jones lin addi-
ton to certain male beings who, con-
sidered in this relation, do not count
for mnch) consists of herself, her un-
married sister, and their mother
Their next door neighbor, Mrs. Clarke,
promptly upon the advent of the
.Joneses, calls upon them, asking at
the door only for Mrs. Jones; as she,
Mrs. Clarke, has been edulated in the
belief that :. call upon the female
head Of family implies similar
courtesy to all of its female members.
Mistaken Mrs. Clarke! She has Of
Tended not only the ladies, for whom
she omitted to directly inquire, but
also Mrs. Jones, who resents the sup
posed atfront to her relatives, and the
before mentioned male beings, who
must, perforce OF gallentry, espouse
the cause of the ladies of their fami-
ly. Mrs. Jones feels herself, in eti-
quette, to return the call of Mrs.
Clarke; but "to sustain her dignity"
does SO only by dropping an icicle of
Il visiting card at the Iatter's door,
In due time Mrs. Clarke, in her turn,
affronted by the cool reception of her
proffered cordiality, returns the icicle,
and with such periodical exchanges
the social intercourse of the Joneses
and Clarkes begins and ends.
As the belief Of Mrs. Clarke, that
call bya lady upon the female head
of Il family implies one upon all of its
female members and guests who are
ready or willing to receive her, is
shared by all her townspeople, it be-
ing me of the ten or twenty etiquette
commandments, to whose sacred Oh
servance they were all educated
Mrs. Jones soon finds herself left in
a socially very cool place. IT she is,
''sure she never saw so ill-bred and
disagreeable set of people," as her
new neighbors, she is probably as
correct as the same heighbors when
they declare that they ''never met so
vulgar and altogether disagreeable a
family as those Jonses." Both parties
have totally forgotten that etiquette
is not an end, but a means, and that
the end sought is the very simple one
of giving and getting as much hap
piness as possible during our little
stay together in this world; in other
words, carrying into practice the
Golden Rule.
Etiquette is assuredly useful thing
in some places and situations. Doubt
less the King of Dahomey would
find it impossible to derive much
benefit from being King of Dahomey
would not, perhaps, even know that
he held that exalted position il it
were not tor the rigid etiquette Of his
court. 1t is by this requiring, upon
pain of death, that various genufex-
ions and sundry prostrations shall be
paid to his dusky majesty, that ma
jesty becomes conscious of itself and
is happy. Even in more civilized
ana less loyal SOcletleS we are Wiling
to admit that etiquette has its uses.-
Especially is it convenient when one
wishes to drop troublesome or a
stupid acquaintance. Then some
trifilng breach Of its laws, real or
tancied, OH the part of the acquaint,
ance may become a strong wall OF
defense, behind which we may secure
ly entrench ourselves. But, aside
from similar cases, we are inclined to
consider an intlexible adherence to
strict rules of etiquette in social inter
course rs relic of barbarism, and
one which would render politeness,
in the sense of Lord Chatham
definition, an impossible virtue.