The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-08-28
VARIETY.

AiUsT BE- What can't be cured must be
sold fresh, - is what they say in Porkopolis.
IL is suggested that the Black Hills expedi-
tions will enter the Big Horn country and emerge
at the little end of It.
ELIMINATED by substitution" is the way
mathematical lover explained how his girl Tilted
him for another fellow.
Something like logic "Ay, we're down.
-trodden set, We working-men and poor folks.
There's the claimant; he would have got his
rights long ago If he had not been butchers
son. n."--PuHch.
I" Here Warren fell,' said the jantor OF Bun
.ker Hill 20 young man from Andover. E" Poor
man. said the divinity student ; "a hope he was
prepared. Did he fall from the middle or the
top window of the monument ?"
A Louisa county man tanned prairie dog that
somebody sent him until the docile little creature
would eat off his hand. At least, it eat off about
three-quarers of his thumb yesterday, but died Of
conclusion of the brain before it could finish the
hand.
President GRAST is credited with q joke. To
O friend who asked his opinion OF General Sher-
mans Memoirs, after getting further into the
book he is reported TO have said 1" Well, | am
beginning to find out that didn't have much TO
do with the last war
Judge Claiborne Snead, of the Richmond
County Court, Alabama, has this " broad hint
posted in his office: The mathematics of crime
Statistics show that, OF every ten men who die
an this country, SereR aretaLked 10 death. Take
heed that thou no murder do
Mr. Backus, of Michigan, was SO injudcious
rs 70 smoke in the same wagon with n can OF
coal oil. If Prof. Peters, in scanning around
among the planets, should happen to get a
glimpse of anything that looks like fragment of
Mr.. b., he viii send word to the papers.
Ii every man had a torpedo planted in his
head that would set itself of whenever ho at
tempted downright criminal act, what 4 blessed
thing il would be for the age But, then, with
such n thinning out among our sensational
preachers, Congressman, Government architects
and the Ike, how could we get along?
How can you tell whether a lady is single
from choice or not? This way If she is
always talking against - the men - and the
ladies who arc favortcs with the gentlemen-she
Is single because she can't help it. If, on the
contrary, she gives man his just dues, you may be
pretty snre she has had good chances TO marry,
but would not.
Red Eagle, an educated Sioux chief, wanted to
marry Minnesota girl She said - If you can
raise $50 bushels of potatoes year, 200 bushels
of wheat, and S400 worth of stock, and can buy
me n silk dress for the wedding, am yours."
81 Not much, replied the colored cheftain but
l can raise hair enough to make You n braid
They were not married.
said Brooklyn girl to her lover, - | wish il
understood that when we are married you will
make 1t Il rule to give me all the money ask for,
and never inquire what l do with it, '' But
does that show proper confidence in me? How
can YOU so wound the feelings of the man who
loves you - - All my dear was the quiet
reply, " my motto is Principles not men = "
The fire at the residence of Mr. Mckee of
Laporte City was discovered by the hired girl,
who woke about l O'Clock in the morning and
discovered her room in flames. If that hired girl
had been doing her duty, sitting up in the
kitchen with her young man, keeping the cock
have happened We don't know what the coun-
try is coming TO when hired girls go TO bed before
] O'Clock.
Woman duties in the English rural districts
in the time of Henry VIII. are thus described by
a writer of the time: 1t is the wyves occupation
in wynowe all manner of cornes, 70 make male,
to washe and wringe 10 make heye, sheve corne
(reap), and in time Of neede TO holp eer husband
to FL the much heyue, to drive ploughs, 10 load
heye, corne, and such other. And 10 60 ryde TO
market and sell butter, cheese. milk, eggs,
checkyns, c1pons, bceyes, pigg.es, geese, and all
manner of cornes.
An Irishman went into gin-mill in Lousvi!!e,
took drink and came out. He stood few min
utes, when Al things commenced working" He
grabbed his stomach, twisted his face out Of
shape rushed back into the gin-mIll, and shouted
to the bartender % Say, 1 axed &c for whisky,
an ye gave me the wrong bottle; hand me q bar
rel o. water, until pour it down an drown the
torchEshr procession that's goin' through me this
blissed mint Och, murther. I'm on fire ~ and
they "put him out"