Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1875-06-02
ELOCUTION In THE DARK.
How Artemus Ward Played It on tn


1 EEOAGaaOLs
GrisWold, the t.Fat contributor" in
some recollections Of Artemus Ward, tells
the following story:
In the spring of 1859 1 accepted a prof
fered editorial position on the CleUeldHd
National Democrat, and renewed my &C
| quaintance with Artemus Ward.
On the first evening Of my arrival he
volunteered to show me around-a very
| desirable achievement, as l was to ill the
position Of city editor.
He showed me round" so successfully
! that about 2 O'Clock in tie morning l began
to feel almost as much at home in Cleve-
land as if 1 had lived there all my days, to
say nothing Of my nights. AItemus in
vited me to share his bed with him for the
remainder of the night, and accepted.
Adjoining his room lodged young pro-
fesSOr of elOcutiOn who was endeavOTing
to establish a school. in Cleveland. He
was lust starting out in business, and was
naturally anxious to propitiate the press.
eLet's get the professor up" said Arte-
mus, "and have him crate for us"
demonstrated with him, reminded him
Of the lateness of the hour, that l was not
acquainted with the professor, and all that,
but to no purpose.
"He is public man." said Ward, sand
public men like to meet representatives Of
the press, as restaurants are supposed TO
get up warm meals at all hours"
He gave a laundering rap at the door as
he shouted, sProfessor-F-"
s'WhO's there? What wee Want?" cried a
muffled voice, evidently beneath the bed
clothes, for it was bitter cold night IN
February.
at is I, Brown, of the Plaindealer,"
said Artemus, and nudging me gently in
the ribs, he whispered, 'That'Il fetch him.
The power Of the press is invincible. It
is the Archimedean lever which"
His remarks were interrupted by the
opening Of the door, and could Just dis
cover the dim outline Of a shiTted form
shiVering in the doorway.
Excuse me for disturbing you, profess
or said Artemus, in his blandest manner,
"but am anxious tOfintroduce you to my
friend here, the new local of the Demo
crGt. He has heard much Of you, and de-
clares positively he can't 90 to bed until he
hears you elocute."
"Hears me whst?" answered the profess
or, between his chattering teeth.
"HeaTs your elOcute-Tecite-decla
Understand? Specimen Of your elOcu-
tiOn."
In vain did the professor plead the late
ness Of the hour, and his fire had gone out.
ATtemus would accept no excuse.
"Permit me, al least, urged the profess
or, 'tO put on some clothes and to light the
gas.n
"NOt at all necessary. ElOquence, my
dear boy, is not at all dependent on gas.
Here STRENGTHENING up a chair he had Just
tumbled over,) get right up on this chair
and give us The boy stood on the burning
deck" adding in a side whisper in my
ear, "lhe burning deck will warm him up"
Gently yet firmly did Artemus boost the
reluctant professor upon the chair, protest
ing that no apologies were necessary for
his appearance, and assuring him that
clothes didn't make the man, although the
shivering disciple Of DemOsthenes and
Cicero probably thought clothes would
make man more comfortable on such a
night as that.
He gave US "Casabianca" with a good
many quayers Of the voice, as he stood
shaking in q single, short, white garment;
then followed, "On Linden when the sun
was low" 'sSWord Of Bunker HILL etc,
Shy particular request of a friend as Ar
temus Ward said, although was too nearly
sufocated with suppressed laughter to make
even a last dying request, had 1t been nee
essary. Il was too ludicrOus to depict,-
the professor, an indistiIet white object
standing on the chair sselocuting," rs Ward
had it, and We sitting OF the floor holding
ourselves, while a. ". would family whis-
per between his pangs Of mirth, 'just hear
him.
Il wasn't in Wards heart to have his fun
at the expense Of another without recon-
pense; so next day 1 remember he publish
ed a lengthy and entirely serious account
of Ourvisit to the professors room, spoke
of his wonderful powers as an elOcutiOnist,
and expressed the satisfaction and delight
with which we listened to his "unequaled
rotations"
The professor was OveTjoyed, and prOba-
bly, is ignorant to this day that Artemus
was splaying it on him.