Bristol news. [volume] (Bristol, Va. & Tenn.) 1867-189?, 1875-04-27

Men grow mellow in their cups
Women get tight in their corsets.-
Brookty1l Aiyets.
They call 'em "opening'' days be
cause they open the mou lis and pock-
et-books of paterfamilias.
What better evidence of spfiiig thAn
= msn going to the post-office in dress
iuggOwn snd slippers?
The New York Times SAYS Senator
Eaton. of Connecticut, WAS wound up
in 1850 to run for twenty years. He is
running yet. .
Silk handkerchief with white CEN
tres and col0red borders are worn by
nObby youths schooIboys, however,
will stick to the-primitive coat-sleeve.
- YOnkerS Gazette.
Boggs ,einoans the loss Of his moth
er-in-law, now that he comes to plough
his cOrnfield, and wonders what he is
going to do for scarecrow this year.
- fonfers Gazette.
Philadelphia brags Of having the
most clearly servant-giriA They al
ways hire out with the understanding
that the mistress is to do the dirty
wOrk.-BroOkiyra argus.
Seventeen men on a train of cars, in
Main {vainiy attempt d to q net cry
ing baby. Along came an Old woman,
pulled u pin out of the baby's heel.
and all was peaceful and serene in two
minutes.
An excited Waterbury workman
caught up a pail of water to extin-
gUiSh fire in u factory, the other day.
but perceIving that the water was hot
he emptied it. filled the pail with cold
water. aud put out the fire.-Americdn
Bergh has caused the arrest of a
Massachusetts, man for clipping dog 5
ears. If somebody would step iu and
clip four or five inches of Bergh's ears
it might be cruelty to animals, but it
would give pestiferOus jackass some
resemblance to a man.--Ddn6uridn
ROUGH ON THE CAPTAIN.-The cap
tain of one of the ferry boats ye4ter-
day found a negro aboard who hadn't
the nickel to pay his fare, and he
shouted to him ::
Didn't / tell YOU before we started
that you c0uld't cross il you hadn't
any money ?'
81 guess it was YOU" replied the
darkcy, but de:e was so many around
the dock spittin' frnw DER front
teeth and hoIlerin' at deck hands dat
| cuuidn't maze out whether YOU be-
lOnged on de boat or not "-Detr0it
Free Press.
The New Orleans Times RlIudes to q
popular humOrist as the great and
notorious liar, Max Adler"
There are sixty three widows in
Versailles, Ky and the stranger vino
passes thrnUgh the town is told to run
for his life Albion NeO Era.
Col9aci Jefferson Davis and Captain
Ulysses :. Grant are invited to re-
union of the officers OF the Mexican
war in Austin, Texas, on the 9Th of
May.
A Lively urcLin accuB:ed a drug
store man the other day. Mister,
please GIN stick of Iicorice your
clerk goes with my sister"
There is hot n:uRh difference be
tween King William. of Germany.
%llu Oiii SCli jtSil "C pOtlI ilANt tue
tOotharhe. he sWenrs in Dutch aid
we dOu't-BO.T1SjO.OH K3rutd.
1t is said that Jayne the notorious
tx-,i,t ,tite for the Treasury Delart-
nent VIII appear a. wItne6s III the
scRlGa ira: ii Tiiton has bau his
arm around Jayne. let's know it
Worcester Press.
Here is a good hing on the "tater
bug" Three men comparing notes ;
o &C says, There are TWO bugs to
cry stalk" 4 second SAYS, They
have cut down my early crop and are
setting on the fence waiting for my
late crop to come up" "Pshaw ~
said the third, you know nothing
about it. l passed seed store the
other day and law the bugs loo King
over the books 10 see who purchased
! seed otat ,es."