South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-07-16
WIT AND IIUMOR.

WIT AND IIUMOR-
VA cynical lady, rather inclined to
fiirt, says most men are like cold-ve-
ry easily caught, but very dicfflult TO
get rid Of
V Beware OF women who seem very
sweet. Dealers in sugar candy are not
always candid.
9A Tipperary, man the other morn
ing hailed fellow-laborer with, so
we've got baby at yer house. What is
ia boy or gurl:'' Guess It'sa
boy" mo- "Well, then. it's purl?"
Faith, said the delighted father, some
body's been tellin' yer
EV It's generally the case with bad
boys, philosophically remarks Miss An
thony, that they look like their mother
and act like their father.
D'1 must marry that girl" said
disconsolate young man. "She whistles,
and it'll never do to trifle with the affec-
tiops Of girl that whistles"
Why are young ladies kissing each
other like An emblem of Christianity?
Because they are doing unto others as
they would that men should do unto
them.
LIZA story is told Of Lespes, the
French journalist, better known as I'll.
mothee Trimon," that one day, being at
work, he was disagreeably intruded on
by a creditor, who announced his inten-
ton Of not departing till he was paid.
Farley proved useless the creditor plan
ted himself on a chair, and Lespes be-
held him, with CONSERVATION, draw bread
and cheese from his pockets, as though
to fortify himself against events. Sew.
eral hours glided by; Lespes had re.
sumed his writing and finished an article.
The creditor showed no signs of moving,
and, from the chances which he cast at
sofa, was evidently specializing what
kind Of bed it would make. Suddenly
Lespes rose, and with bits of newspaper
began carefully blockading all the aper-
lures through which air could come into
the room. He then made preparations
for lighting charcoal FIRE; but, before
applying the match, pasted on the wall,
just opposite the creditors eyes, paper
thus laconically worded: Take notice
that we died of our own will "What
are you doing?" exclaimed the creditor.
uneasily. "Your society would render
life intolerable, so we are going to COM
NIT suicide together" answered limo
thee TRANQUILITY. 1t is almost needless
to say that the creditor decamped.
How TO MANAGE HER.-A man nam
ed Taddles, in Virginia, has got his wife
in proper subsection, and means to keep
her so. 'Oh," says he in telling about
1t, there amt many who know how to
rule wife properly. Now my old wo-
man is one Of the best natured women
in the world, but she has got deuce of
a temper Whenever / see she has got
her madness up, if it's dozen times
day, just quietly say nothing, but ra-
Their humor her, and she comes around
all right after while. Even when she
throws things at me, such as the broom
and rolling pin, just dodge little and
she never hits me third time before |
get my eyes on her, and let her know
that disapprove of such actions OH her
part. Perhaps have to leave the house
to show her this, but she sees the point.
Then, by being careful not to irritate
her, and letting her have her own way,
l manage to make her do rs please
And, you bet, / make her understand
and appreciate my discipline. Oh, /
keep her under perfect coptrol A man
has, you know, got to be master in his
own house, or your wife will ride you
down as if you wasn't nobody. Nv
wife's n perfect angel in her natural
disposition, but any other man but me
would spoil her."
THAT SETTLES IA young man
at a social party was vehemently urged
to sing song. He replied that he
would first tell story, and then, if they
still persisted in their demand, he would
endeavor to execute a song. When Il
boy, he said, he took lessons in singing,
and one Sunday morning he went up in
to his fathers garnet to practice alone
by himself. When in full cry, he was
suddenly sent for by the old gentleman
This is pretty conduct" said the faith
err; pretty employment for the son of
pious parents, to be saving boards in n
garrett on n Sunday morning, loud e.
nough TO be heard by all the neighbors.
Do sit down and take your book. The
young man was excused from singing.
DISCOURAGED AT THE START.-As n
stranger yesterday was knocking at the
door of house on Second ST., boy
came around the corner and inanircd