Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-07-23
Gleanings.

Mrs. Keen, of Springfield, declined to
allow her daughters to take part in o
spelling match, because she heard some
body say that knotty words would he
given out.
''This is net gain, said witty Worces-
ter girl, who had found valuable silk
hair net hanging to the fringe of her
shawl upon her return home from an eve
ming lecture.
This world would be sandy desert of
loncsomeness if women were not allowed
to attend auction sales and pay more for
an old bureau than il new chamber set
would cost.
A little girl hearing her teacher spoken
of as a painstaking woman, remarked
that the scholars were the ''painstaking-
ist," for they were generally whipped all
around every day.
Does the court understand you to say
that you saw the editor intoxcated?"
Not at all sir, only I've seen him in such
a-a-a furry as to attemptfto, eut out
copy with the snuffers. that'sAll.r
If colorcd theological student in Mis-
sissip1i concludes his course of studies
and writes his first sermon without being
shot in the leg tor fooling around hen
coop, he is considered promising man.
Dear me, how fluidly he talks" said
Mrs. Partington recently at temperance
meeting II am always rejoiced when he
mounts the nostrils. for his eloquence
warns every cartridge in my body"
A little boy and girl, three or four years
old, were playing on the Ice when sis tell
down and commenced to cry Bub ran
up and soothingly lisped; Don't cwy!
Thwear! Thwear They DAMN
An aristocratic New Yorker, on being
requested by rich and vulgar young fel-
low for permission to marry zone of his
girls" gave this rather crushing reply:
"Ccrtainly which would you prefer, the
housemaid or the COOKE
"Wcll, neighbor Slummidge, how much
shall | put you down for to get a chande-
what do we want a chandyleer for? The
amt nobody kin play on ter it when ye
git it,'
An old lady hearing some one reading
about Congressman at large, rushed into
the kitchen door, shouting, Sarah Jane.
Sarah Jane. don't leave the clothes out all
night, mind tell you, for there's a Con-
gresham at large"
''What is your busincss?" asked the
judge of a prisoner at the bar. well,
s'pose you might call me locksmith y
when did you last work at your trade?"
Last night when l heard a call for the
police | made Il bolt for the door"
A little girl at school read thus: "The
widow lived on a limbacy left her by Il
relative" "What did you call that word?"
asked the teacher: 'the word is legacy,
not limbacy." But" said the little girl.
my sister says must say limb, not leg"
Boston Courier.
"Well doctor, its no use, I'm going to
dier' Nonsense" said the doctor, You
are not going to die at all No man ever
died with feet as warm as yours" "Ah,
yes they did, DOCTOR Il should like to
know who, them" said the doctor "John
Rogers did said the patient.
A rustic youth being asked out to take
tea with a friend, was admonished to
praise the eatabes Presently the butter
was passed TO him, when he remarked,
very nice butter-what there is of it,"
and observing a smile, he added, land
plenty ofit-such rs it is
A colored preacher remarked: when
God made de fust man he sot him up
against de fence to dry" "Who made de
fence?" interrupted an eyer listner Put
that man out!' exclaimed the colored
preacher, ''such questions as dat 'stroy all
de tn 'ology in de world
The boy who answered the question in
geography, ''what is the shape of the
world:" by answering, Ground like
brick" has grown up into reckless man,
and edits the Fort Scott Monitor On
Monday he printed all about the centen-
NAL of the battle fought at Lexington,
Kentucky Chicago Inter Ocean.
MY son" said father to his little boy
at the breakfast table, ''if you had the
choice to be burned at the stake, like John
Rogers, or to have your head chopped off,
like King Charles the First, which would
you choose:" John Rogers" said the
boy "And why?" Because" said the
boy, Il should prefer a hot steak to cold
chop"
'Hartfor' Daily Courant,' crieda news
boy at the Hartford Depot; ''please buy
it. sir, last one I've got, half price, only
two cents" The man bought it and the
train sped on. Opening his paper to read
he found it was in reality only half Dai-
ly Courant, and the advertising half ut
that. Yet the boy was honest, he only
charged half price!
The compositor on a New York daily
who set up the Hen Coop" Express for
the New York Express is equal to the
compositor who made Belgian ponies
wanted at Weehawken," for Belgian pa
vers.' Another which was simply ridic-
ulous, when ''shackmakees' was set up
for shoemakers on a strike. He evidently
intended to make Indians out of them.
\ Providence lady was recently over
heard at an evening assembly speaking in
high praise of Il pretty girl just passing.
why, she is II perfect paragram of q
young ladyr II think you mean paral-
telegram, do you not:" suggested the wag-
gish gentleman addressed 81 said paral-
telegram, MI. -" exclaimed the Ia
dy, with combination of dignity and in
dignation impossible to describe
Two colored men took refuge under a
tree in Il violent thunder storm. Julius,
can you pray?" said one. mo, SAM"
was the reply, ''nebber prayed in my
life" "Well, can't you sing hymns"
Just then the lightning struck tree near
by, shivering it, when the first speaker ex-
claimed See heah, honey, sumffin' 'lg-
ious has got to be done, an dat mighty
suddin, too, s'pose you pass around de
hat"
The Inconsistencies in our orthography
are something fearful to contemplate
Tongue, spells "tongue," and the man
who first spelled it should have been
hongue. Ache, spells cache" and that's
all you can mache out of it. Eight
spells "eight, no matter how you depre-
ceight the idea; and that aisle, should
spell "aisle," and f-e-ig-n, "feign" is
enough to make anybody smaisle if the
effort is not too peignful.
A compositor on New York daily, in
setting up Il French word, inserterted 70.
When the proof reader sent out his proof
the compositor demonstrated, saying he
followed copy. The proof reader inform
ed the gentleman that 10 was not used in
the French language. WhereupOn the COM