The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-09-22
ALL ABOUT ICE, CREAM,

= - ;.
He slipped into an ice:cream saloon
very softly, and when the girl asked him
what he wanted he replied:
"Corn boeG, fried potatoes, pickles, and
mince pie.' =. a. { j ;<{
"Ihis is not restaurant, this is an
ice. cream parlor,' she said.
'.Then why did you ask me what ]
wanted for Why didn't you bring on
your ice.cream 2
She wen: after it, and as she returned,
he continued:
"You see, my dear girl, you must in
fer you must reason. 1t ism likely that
| would come into an ice cream parlor to
buy grinds1one, is it? You d;dn',
think | came in .kere to ask il you had
any baled hay, did you>?' J, XIV
She looked at him in great surprise.
and he went on:
''lf owned hardware store and you
came in, would infer that you came for
something in my line. wouldn't step
out and ask you if you wanted to buy
mule, would 2 %' s<.~ x :; II !.
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring dish Of cream
at the next table, and the stranger, after
watching her for a moment, called out:
my dear woman, have you found any
hairs or buttons in your dish =
mercy! nor she exclaimed, as she
whe' led around and dropped her spoon.
swell, I'm glad of it, he continued.
''1f you find any just let me know
She looked at him for half minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down again,
and then rose up and left the room. She
must have said something to the propri.
etor, for he came running in and ex'
claimed:
''Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice
cream?'
mo, SIR
you didn't e.
"No, sir, did not; !: merely: request
cd her, in case she found any such ingrc.
dents to inform me"
'WelI, sir, that was mean trick
''My dear SIR said the stranger.
smiling softly ,*"Did you expect me to ask
or sledge-hammer in her cream 1t is
impossible, sir, for such articles to be
hidden away in such small fishes"
The proprietor went away, growing,
and as the stranger quietly slipped away
at his cream, two young ladies came in,
sat down near him, and ordered some
cream and cakes. He waited until they
had eaten little, and then he remarked
beg pardon. ladies. but do you OBJ,
serve anything peculiar: in the taste of
this cream g
They tasted, smacked their lips, and
were not certain.
''Does it taste to you as if I.lug Of to-
bacco had fallen into the freezer = he
asked.
''Ah! kah = they exclaimed, dropping
their spoons and trying to spit out what
they had eaten. Both rushed out, and it
wasn't long before the proprietor rushed
in.
''See here, what in blazes are yon talk.
ing about!'' he demanded. "What do
you mean by plug tobacco in the
lreezer?'
''My kind friend, asked the ladies il
this cream tasted Of plug tobacco. !
don't taste any such taste. and | don't
believe you used bi, Of tobacco in it! -
Nv ell. you don want to talk that way
around here!' continued the proprietor.
My ice cream is pure, and the man who
says it isn't t. is bold lie!'
lie went away again, and a woman with
a long neck a, sad face sat down AMI
said TO the eirl that she would take
small dish OF lemon ice.
tit was brought, and she had taken
about two mouthfuls when the stranger
inquired: :,
''Excuse me, madam, but do you know
how this cream was made-havc you any
idea that they grated turn'p and chalk
with the cream?'
She didn't reply. She slowly rose up.
wheeled around, and made for tie door.
The stranger followed after. and by great
good luck his coat tails cleared the d"or
an instant LOO soon to be struck by a five
po md box Of figs, hurled with great force
by the Indignant proprietor. AS he
reached the curbStone he halted, looked
at the door Of the parlor, and solil'
oquized:
''There are times when people should
infer, and there are times wren they
shouldn't. suppose if had asked tina,
woman il she thought they hashed up Il
saw-mill in the cream she'd have felt a
circular saw 60 ng down her throat