South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-08-13

1Hark did you not hearit? 1t was
lit was the 'skeeter's hum.


John Croft, postmaster at Scoots.
Vile, New York State, won't have his
salary raised this year. He was in the
habit OF opening registered letters, and
they caught him at it and registered
him--on the jail books.
HLet's chip in and raise a hundred
dollars for the Boston physician who
says that it is unhealthy to rise before
the sun has dispelled the morning fogs.
SPoNeE BArns.-A fat-looking, bald.
headed, lobster-colored German in shirt
sleeves appeared in the hallway OF an
Adams street bathing establishment, ad.
dressing loose jointed individual with
wet stringy hair, about noon yesterday :
"Holt on Won minud' called out the
frst described, "you can no go out desc
blaze 50 you not pay me for dot bat"
PAY for that BATH" exclaimed the O.
Their in apparent establishment, "who
said anything about payingp'
81 say something's bout dot"
''You do?"
"Yaw. I say you must bay me fur dot
bat"
"You said it wouldn't cost nothing"
said the wet haired man.
"Noddingsr' echoed the bath keeper,
81 no say such dings."
whats that reading on your sign
theng" Inquired the disputant.
dot sign reats Turkish bats, Sui
phur bats, Vapor bats, and Sponge bats"
replied the man Of the lobster complex
ion.
"Well," said the other as he edged a.
way, "that lasts it; bein's 1 didn't have
any money, L took sponge bath %
The Tenton fell to studying his SIGN.
and resolved to strike sponge baths
off his Minneapolis Tribune.
THAT WAS IT!-A gentleman, driv.
ing to country station once i'm rail.
way bus, asked the driver, as they pass
ed very nice looking property, whom
it belonged to, at the same time express
sing his surprise at seeing the house
and grounds were to be let. "Ah," said
Jarvey, Mr. Jones, he owns that there
place. l dessay you've heard of him
kept gin-shop in London-made his
fortin' there, and then bought this place
to come down here and settle" 'An6
what made him give it up?" asked
the passenger. swell you see, sir"
said Jarvey, with melancholy shake of
the head, she tried to be a gentleman,
but he had to give it up--his 'elth
wouldn't stand it,
ONE AT A TDIE.-When Arthur was
very small boy his mother reprimand-
ed him one day for some misdemeanor.
Not knowing it, his father began to talk
to him on the same subject. Looking
up in his face, Arthur said, solemnly,
"Mother has tended to me-
BROTHER STONES FEEBLE REMARKS.
MIR. Stone, n well-known and excel
lent Christian gentleman. belonging TO
one ofthe Murray Hill churches, in New
York city, was up in the country one
summer, and learning that an evening
prayer meeting was in progress at the
village church, walked in, took seat i'm
the back part of the room.
The brother in the chair conducting
the meeting, observing the stranger, left
his seat and coming to Mr.. Stone, said
to him:
wv hat is your name?'
"My name is Stone"
"Where are you from?'
81 am from the city Of New York"
"Are you one of the Lords people?"
81 hope that 1 am" answered Mr..
Stone, with becoming humility. The
presiding genius, satisfied with the an
swer Of his catechism, returned to his
elevated seat, and at the end of the
hymn arose and said:
"Will brother Stone, from New York,
favor us with few remarks?"
Mr. Stone, willing to do what he could,
made few practical observations to the
best Of his ability. No sooner had he
sat down than the presiding elder rose
and said:
"Will brother Stone, of New York,
ask the Lord to bless his feeble re-
marks"
Undismayed by this commentary on
his speech, Mr.. Stone offered PRAYER.
and the meeting proceeded as usual.
Now AND THEN.-A very intelligent
old darkey was met by an ante.bellum
friend the other day for the first time
since the war, and the old mans delight
at seeing of Massa's ticker friends in
old times was unbounded. After hear
ty hand-shaking and protracted laugh
peculiar to the Southern darkey, the
gentleman asked:
"Well, Uncle Joe, how are you get
ting along in the world?"
"Sorter slow, Marse-. Been had
rheumatic right smart lately, and things
amt gone 'zactly right nohow," replied
the darkey.
"A great many changes have taken
place since i last saw you, Uncle Joe,
Death has taken your old master away.
the family are scattered about the four
quarters ofthe globe, the farm is divided
mp and strangers occupy the old house.
1t makes one feel light sad, Uncle Joe,