The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-03-09
GOSSIP.
My husbands crosser than a bear,
And won't give me thing to wear;

When Of HIM the reason axes,
He grumbles, "Th0se c0nfounded taxes"
When q person really liz in luv they
amt tit for anything else.
Boston has q man who can not tell q
lie. He is deaf and dumb peanut ven-
der.
"Ahl glorious weather this," says the
fs,s;95S df0et0r5S "Splendid run Of broken legs
People without music in their souls
would rather sleep nights than hear a
brass band practice.
Be sure to sharpen the carving-knife
before dinner. The most angelic boy will
not respect mis- parent after seeing him
fight with tough turkey.
AS O rule, ladies, get hired girl with
an ugly face II you want to keep your
husband out Of the kitchen.
A Frenchman intending to compliment
young LADY by calling her a gentle
lamb, said, "she is one mutton as is
A young scapegrace threw his ball at
his sister, and hit her on the back OF the
head 80 hard that the bawI came out of
her mouth.
Cant you make any allowances for a
mans being drunkw "Certainlyp said
the judge, "I'll allow you thirty days in
the Work-house."
"Who was the meekest manW asked q
Sunday school teacher. "MosesU .Veiy
well; who was the meekest womanW
"Never was any,"
II don't care cent for fashion-pve
got to scratch my heelp exclaimed q
Corryville man as he pulled off his boot
In street car recently.
ger list OF a Hamburg steamer: "Stephen
Stern, init frau and II KID" 1t is enough
to make any man stern.
A gentleman who has scolding wife,
In answer to an inquiry after her health,
said she was pretty well, only subject at
times to a "breaking out in the mouth"
A Pennsylvania boasts that he makes
a soap that would "wash politicians
character white as snow" There must
be good deal Of .'lye" about that soap.
A Chicago paper says that a young
widow IN that city, who writes well, is
training herself for an editor. We hope
we are not the editor she is training her.
self for.
The question for discussion at recent
meeting OF scientists was, switch trav-
els fastest, heat or cold?" 1t was decided
in favor Of heat, as many present had
often been able to catch cold.
swell, neighbor Slummidge, how much
shall put you down for to get a chan
delier for the church," Neighbor S.
"Shol What ye want to git a shandy-
leer for? The hain't nobody kin play on
ter it when ye git It'll"
While a couple Of market women were
discussing the other day, the merits of q
certain physician, one of them asked
what kind Of doctor he was. "Sure, 1
dunno" was the reply, shut think It's
an alapaca doctor they call him."
A final cause-Customer who wishes.
to return horse he has lately bought
"He's kicked the carriage into Iucifer
matches, and no one dares get on his
back. What he was made for l can't
thinkp The dealer-s'To sell, I should
say"
A man who was sentenced to be hung
was visited by his wife, who said, "my
dear, would you like the children to see
you executedW "No," replied he.
'Thats just like you," said she; "for
You never wanted the children to have
any enjoyment"
A three-year-old youngster saw a
drunken fellow s'tacking" through the
street. "M0ther," said he, "did God
make that manW She replied In the
affirmative. The little fellow reflected
for moment, and then exclaimed, II
wouldn't have done It,"
10 q fond mother, whose children were
at the time making themselves disagree
able, a gentleman observed, IL have
decided preference for bad children,
madam" SHOW strangel And pray,
for what reasOnW said she. "Because
they are always sent out of the room."
A Philadelphia paper adyertises for
''a boy to open oysters with reference"
We don't believe a boy could open fifty
oysters day with ga reference" An
oyster-knife is the best thing yet discov-
cred for that purpOse-th0ugh, of course,
there Is no harm in experimenting with
other things.
"Yes, sir" yelled preacher In Da-
kota church, one Sunday morning,
"there's more lying, and swearing, and
stealing, and general deviltry to the
square inch in this here town than all
the rest Of the American country" and
then the congregation got up and dumped
the preacher out of the window.
"You jist ought to have been over to
our house last night" shouted one small
boy to another on Central avenue yester-
day. why, making picturesf" inquired
the other. "Naut much! Humphl No,
sir. Our folks went away, and We had
pop corn, two kinds of sweetened water,
milk and camphor, drew the dog around
IN the. table cloth, and the hired girl told
10 Ci6ub SuUpU 5tOllcSs
II declare, Joseph" sighed Minneso-
ia mother, as she put o patch on young
Joseph's pants, "they must have awful
hard seats in school. This Is the fourth
time Pye had to patch these pants In
Two weeks" 'They have, MOTHER" he
replied; s;just tears boy all
to pieces" The old lady ought to see
him sliding down hill on shingle, with
the American flag sticking up alongside
his ear.
You boys ought to be kind to your lit
tie sisters. / once knew bad boy
who struck his little sister a blow
over the eye. Although she didn't fade
and die in the early summer time, when
the June roses were blooming, and the
sweet words of forgiveness on her lips,
she rose up and hit him over the head
with rolling-pin, SO that he couldn't 10
to Sunday-schoOlfo more than a month.
on account. of his not being able to get
his best hat on his head.
A Cumminsville lady who called on q
neighb0r Saturday was surprised to find
the head of the house moving to and fro
across the floor at rapid rate. In one
hand he carried a carpet bag, and in the
other strap bundle. He was muff1ed
up closely about the neck. and had drawn
his fur cap down over his eyes, and alto
gether presented a most singular specta-
Gle. In some astOnIshment the lady in-
quired what he was doing. when he az