Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-12-31

A. sEEN By TUE FREE PRESS MAN.

A sEEN By TUE FREE PRESS MAN.
The other day man with gaunt look
halted before an eating stand at the Central
market, and after long survey of the
yiands be said TO the woman g am q
poor man, but III be honest il have to be
buried in raupers field"
" What's the matter now ~ asked the
woman, regarding him with suspicion.
." No one saw me pick up $50 bill here
by this stand early this morning, but, as
said before, I'll be honest"
- 4 $50 bill-pick up" She whispered
bringing a bland smile to her face.
d" | suppose, he continued. " that some
one passing along here could have dropped
such bill, but it seems more reasonable to
! think that the money was lost by YOU
" Don't talk quite so loud, she said, as
she leaned over the stand. " You are an
honest man, and Il have your name put in
/ the papers so that all may know it I'm
hard working widow, and il you hadn t
! brought back that money It would have
gone hard with my poor little children l''
IS If l pick up money by stand | always
/ give It up, he said. as be sat down on one Of
/ the stools
That's rght-Ihat' honest" she whis-
pered. &c Draw right up here and have
| some breakfast
| lie needed no second invitation. Inc way
/ be went for cold ham, fried sausage, biscuit
and coffee was terrific to the woman.
1es-l-um-try-to - be - yoncst,
he remarked between bites
" That's right If II found any money
belonging to you Id give it up, you bet
Have another cup of coffee 2''
" Don't-care-fdo,' - he said as be Jam
med more ham into his mouth
Even courtships have an ending The old
chap finally began to breathe like founder
ed horse, and pretty soon after that he rose
from the table
90 lu are good man ~ bTlng any lost
money back, said the woman, as she
brushed away the crumbs.
" Oh, I'm honest" he replied " wien
| ind any lost money always give 1t up. -
'' Well, III take il now. please, she said
e. he began to button his oyercoat.
90 Take what, be asked
Sc That lost money you found
" didn't ind any I'll be honest with
you. however, II | ever do fnd any around
mere
' You old liar Didn't yoa say You
found a 500 bill here 2'
d" No, ma am said that no one saw me
pick up such bill here ~
&c Pay NE for them peTEishuns Size yell
ed, c.utching at his throat
III be honest with you-I Layen' a
cent, he replied, as be held her Of
She tried TO trip HIM over into barrel Of
charcoal. but be broke loose, and before she
/ recovered from her amazement he was a
block away, ami gallopiug along Ike stage
/ horse
l.F DIGNITY IHAwED OuE.
Atellow who had been hauled in Tor
smashing stove in 4 saloon, and who had
refused 10 give his name, was called cut IN
der the name of John Doe.
" am none of your low-iown John
Does 80 he exclaimed a. he was brought 10
&c front face
T.. Don talk quite 50 load anil | ind the
warrant. There-here 1t IS, and the charge
is disturbing the peace. If your name isn t
John Doe what is it
' Are You addressing Your conversation
10 me, sir 2'' asked the prisoner IN an icy
voice, as he stood up very erect
.' am. sir. am talking right at you
" bat do you say to the charge"
Sc Sir go answered the prisoner, solemnly,
=. sir you are addressing noted man, and
hone of your one-hOrse rih-ra1s l'
90 am, ch , You are not Sergeant Bates
are you u2''
'' am the hey Dive Of Illinois '' ez-
claimed the man.
There was a long pause.
The sound Of teeth munching peanuts was
painfully loud
Bijah scarcely bresthed, and the clsrk
quit gnswing his penholder.
"a 1t has been long time since We had
such 4 noted man here, said his Honor at
last. - | should like to give you the free
dom OF the city in q gold box, bnt 1 can't.
The best / can do is to give yoa sixty days
in the House Of Correction.
d" It will be sad day for this town, my
noble duke, replied the prisoner
" I'll take care of the sadness, sir. You
Just noble duke yourself into the corridor
and sit down aud don't speak over three
words more or I'll double up on you -
The hey Dive staiked in, treading loftily
and heavily, but he wouldn't sit down and
behave until B1ah held him against the
stove and thawed his dignity out, and even
then he sat down very softly.
NO PRESENTS.
There are two residents of Detroit who
won't get any Santa -Claus-gifts in their
stockings. They live on Adams avenue,
| husband and wife She had the front door
steps washed the other night while he was
down town, and when he returned home
and rushed for the door in his usual vigor-
/ Gus style, he rushed on his head. As he
WAS falling around the wife opened the door
and inquired =" What made you fall down,
Peter - He pitched against the door in
his efforts to stand up, and answered Don
you know anything, you numb-head you ~
/ IS Wa it-ice ?'' she asked. - You don /
supp ,se Ia fall down on sand, do you?'' he
shouted "a / was going TO put something
1 in your stockings, but now won't.
's Well, keep your brass ewelry, then ~
| she spunkily replied. ." And you keep
your old calico dressing gowns - 1t : sad
TO see folks living this way
NOTES.
The other evening, when resident oi
Beech street was eating supper, his eight
year-old son sid around and whispered
] NpA 1iSN ~
NV son, what do you want to give me your
sled for 80 = Ma says you are trying to be
good, replied the boy, i" and | want to do
all can 10 help you.
\ Detroit boy paid his first visit to one Of
the union schools the other day as scholar,
and, when he came home at night, his
mother inquired g Well, Henry, how do
you Ike going to school - '' Bully = he
replied, in an excited voice. '' saw four
boys licked, one girl got her ear pulled, and
a big scholar burned his elbow on the stove
don't want 10 miss day
The other evening, when a Detroiter and
his wife felt lonesome, they decided to 20
over and call on an acquaintance and pass
an honr away d" All, I'm glad to see
you - exclaimed the acquaintance as he
opened the door. 90 Come right in and
take of YOUR things. I've got leo verses Of
a poem written, and want to read them to
YOU and see what you think of my talent ~
They didn't 90 out anywhere next eve
ming
In tic ofice Of one of the hotels, the 9th
er day, man spit great deal Of tobacco
Juice aruand, and had great deal to say
about his voyage 10 Europe last year. He
used nia;iy oaths, made himself disagreeably
familiar {, all. and finally stepped on little
mans COINS and bluntly asked - Did you
ever go to Europe?' g NJ, sir, [ never
did, - was the reply, q have had all !
could do to stayat home and learn manners -
There was lots Of silence around there after
that
| a grocer on West Madison street heard