National Republican., 1875-08-03
COCKROACHEs,

Their Midnight Impudsnoe and Dspredations.
Theman whose invariable midnight companions
are cockroscnes, and who once. fortnight, at
least, shoves his paste brush into his ,inkstand
and still preserves reputation tor chastity OF
language, will be honored in history one beside
whom Gov. Tilden might we'll hang his head.
Boils may fail to wear out the patience of an ordi
nary man, such ss the afflicted Democrat men
toned; but cockrosches and inky paste-brushes
would make him succumb Is quickly as Sam
Carey does before audience Of German beer.
drhkers. Its all very we'll to talk, think and
dream Of the independence and fascination Of
journalistic lie; but the details Of It furnish Q
different picture. The traditional devil bowling
for copy may be exercised In any Well-regulatsd
Office by putting the sompositors on time;" but
the oockroachesi they will not down. They in
habit your draEers-table and desk drawers
secrete themseles in your bundle OF exchanges,
creep into impossible crevicss In your portfolio
and absund pl entifully In your stationery. Nlm-
ble-footed, and more than srgus-eyed, they
escape assault with the agility Of the waterfowl
known to sportsmen as the hell liver, which dis
appears under water half dozen times between
the explosion Of your percussion cap and the igni
tion Of the powder in your gun-bsrrel, and they
have q habit, when your thought is deepest
and your mind 6entranced with the design Of max
ing . fnely-rounded sentence, OF WALKING over
your paper, dragging inky legs along in such q
way as to distribute caps, small caps and italic
marks Of emphasis regardless of consequences.
But their greatest glory. next to Matching out
billions Of progeny from millions Of Invisible eggs
is to mount the side Of your paste-dish and laugh
ct you when you shove your paste-brush as afore.
said into your ink pot. The derisIvs manner In
which they elevate their long, flmy feelsrs on
such occasions is tsntaliiinE indeed. Then the
boss Of them all, anticipating Q deserved attack
at the point Of pen or pencil, sounds the retreat,
and they scatter to the four corners Of your desk
with rspidity that is simply and confoundIngly
astonishing. You can't tame cookroaehes; and
you can't Stare them. They will live and be
wild In spite Of you. Evidently they have no bones
to break, and are as fearless of leap from the
edge OF 3 sheet Of paper into your pantaieons'
pocket ss trspezs IerfOrmer Is OF double back
action sommersault IN mid air. No m after how
well you Il eat them or how badly, how careful you
are 10: to disturb them when they are fee ling
upon your last sheet Of monogram paper, or how
rudely you may drive them away from ump Of
ssvory paste, they retain the same impud snt, ag-
gressive and disrespectful disregard Of you and
proceed with the same old game Of hide snd-seek
all around you, varied occasionally by raising one
Of their longest bowsprits to their noses with an
aRgravsting you can'tcomeit gesture, which
proves that they are possessed OF q devilish in-
telligence to destroy your peace Of mind. Now,
the newspaper ONCE eockrosch and the kitchen
last mentioned cockrosch Is as afraid Of the light
of day he is OF gaslight and is cowardly enough
to hide himself from human gaEe ss quickly as
possible when discovered on predatory tour; but
the former eOckrosch is not at all particular about
the time place or occasion Of his raids. In truth
he seems TO prefer company, and never enjoys
himself 90 much IS when his antics are the occa-
sion OF your Immediate personal supervision. He
is not so black as his fellou-roscb, who destroys
the mental eQuanimity Of the housewife, but is
rubY-eolored, and puts airs a. II he understood
that he Ia Q favored and psmpered aSistocratic
roach, whose especial privilege Il is to
erjoy intellectual surroundings. instead Of
hiding himself In the greasy cracks Of
kitchen floors and cupboards. A thoroughb
newspaper. ONCE roach has been known To turn up
his nose on occasion at an ordinary house roach ss
high as Whitelaw Reld's nasal protubersnce was
ever twisted up BY Tom Mast, and instead Of run
ming away from the presence Of human beings he
simply pirouttes around and maneuvres for POSI-
tion until his confidence is restored, the enemy
lulled into quiet, and Q new opportunity is of
cred. Then he darts for his favorite roost on the
end Of your pen-holder, and sings the following
ditty:
'iCheek! Cheek!
Cockroach's cheekI
Cockroach's, eockroach's,
Cockroachs cheek!
There's nothing SO hard as cockroach's cheek"
Away into the silent hours of the night; away
up in the cock (rosch's) loft and In the dim re
ceases Of every part Of the building this doleful
but impudent refrain Is taken up and echoed and
re-echoed. The end Of It all is Q few obituary
lines, s,'something1ike.thef following, accompanying
the funeral announcement Of dead journalist:
"Roaches sore long time he bore;
Roach powder was In vain.
He curled up upon the floor;
Roaches sing bis requiem strain;
Gone 10 meet the patient prophet, Job."