The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-06-15
Scared Out Of a Wife.

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Scared Out Of a Wife.
The narrative of which I am about to
write was told me one bleak cold night in
country parlor. 1t was one Of those
nights in mid winter when the wind swept
over the land. making everything tingle
with it's frosty and keen breath, that
was seated before blazing fire, surround
ed by a jolly half dozen boys and an old
bachelor, Peter Green, about 4S years Of
age.
1t was just the night without to make
those within enjoy a good story; so each
of US had to tell favorite story, save Mr.
Green, and as he was jolly story teller
we were somewhat surprised to hear him
say: 81 have no story that would inter-
est you,'' SO we had to find other enter
tainments for awhile, when one of the
boys told US to ask him how it happ*ned
that he had never got married. So We
did.
''Well, gentlemen he began, it don't
seem right for me to tell how it happened
but as it about myself, I don't care
much. You see when | was young We
had to walk as high as five miles to
church and singing school, which was our
chief enjoyment. But this don't have
anything to do with my not getting wife,
but wanted to show you that we had
some trouble them days in getting oul
sport.
John Smith and I were like brothers,
or like 'sMary and her little lamb
Where one went the other was sure to 20.
So we went to sec two sisters, and as W.
were not the best of boys imaginable the
old gentleman took umbrage and wouldn',
allow us to come near the house; so We
would take the girls to the end of the
lane, and there we would take the final
kiss.
We soon got tired of that sort of fun,
and told John, on our way home with
Sadie, and that was going into the house,
too.
He said the old man would ''cane me,
if did.
told him was going to risk it any.
how, come what would.
He said she would risk it if would"
So home We went with the girls.
When we got to the end Of the lane
told the girls we proposed going all the
way.
They looked at each other in a way
didn't like any too we'll, but they said
the old folks would be in bed, so they
didn't care if We did.
They were little more surprised yet
when told them we thought of going in
while. but all was quiet when we got to
the house, we had no trouble in getting
into the Kitchen.
Then and there we had our first court,
and made up my mind to ask Sadie to
be my wife the next time [ came!
1t was now past the turn OF night, and
we had four miles TO walk, I told John
we must be going. So we stepped out
upon the porch but just as we did so, the
sky was lit up by lightning. and ire
mendous thunder peal rolled among the
mountain sides. It's echoes had not died
out in the far off wales until the rain be-
gan to pour from the garnered fullness OF
the pent-up clouds. We waited for it to
stop until we we're all sleepy, when the
girls said We should 90 to bed in the little
room at the head Of the stairs which led
out Of the kitchen; as their father didn't
get up early, we could & home before
the old folks would get up. So after bid.
ding the girls a sweet good-night-and
hugging them a little-and wishing them
pleasant dreams, and promising them to
come back or next Saturday night, we
started for bed.
We didn't have far to 60. as the bed
stood near the stairs. John was soon in
bed, but l was little slow, and full of
curiosity, l set about to look around the
room.
At last I thought would sit down on
q chest which was spread over with nice
white cloth, while drew off my boots.
So down sat, when stars of the east, |
went plump into custard pie!
I thought John would die laughing, for
he said had smashed that custarl pie
all to thunder, ann the plate right in two.
You see we had to be awful quiet so
that the old gent should not hear US.
was now ready to get in bed, so [ put
out the light and picked up my boots,
thinking to put them in a more con.
venient place, when down my one leg
went through pipe-hole, which had been
covered with paper, up to my hip.
Now one part of me was up stairs while
the longest part ofme Tasin the Kitchen.
AS my leg was very long it reached
shelf which was occupied by dishes, pans,
coffee-pots, ETC., turning it over with
tremendous crash.
The girls had not yet retired, and We
could hear them laugh fit to kill them
selves.
We finally 60 settled in bed and fell