Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-12-15

ANOTHER PANIc.-sOh, mother: an
other PANEL Hard times and high
prices. exclaimed a North Hill youth,
morning.
High prices! hard times, What do |
you mean child." asked his astonished |
mother.
why, there is panic. / saw it on |
a bulletin board. Butter, TWENTY-FIVE
ana twenty-eight cents pound.
twenty-five and twenty-eight is fifty
three, and If that isn't panic price,
don't know what is,''
His mother sent him off to school,
telling him to pay more attention to his
geography, as he did very well in
figures.
HE following story is told of menu
Der OF Parliament, who, wishing to con
clliate an old neighbor, voter, sent
him pineapple from his hot-house:
II hope you liked it., he said to the old
man, when he met him few days after
wards. "Well, yes thankee, pretty
well. But suppose we sort of people
are not used to them fine things, and
don't know how to eat 'em." "How
did you eat it, then? 30 ''We boiled EN-"
Boiled it!' sighed the NJ. p, in horror,
thinking OF his pineapple. "1es, We
boiled 'em with leg of mutton"
TRIED BY HIS PEERs.-Mr. Parsons, a
lawyer in Chicago, was trying case
before jury counsel for the prisoner.
The judge was very hard upon him, and
the jury brought in verdict of guilty.
Mr.. Parsons moved fora new trial. The
judge denied the motion, and remarked:
1.-The court and the jury think the
prisoner Il knave and a fool.' The
counsel promptly replied: ''rhe pris-
oner wishes me to say he is perfectly
satisfied-he has been tried by court
and jury of his peersr'
As Montpelier lady nimbly piled
her needle around the ragged edges of
coat which her ''better half had
worn at prayer meeting the evening
previous, and was badly ripped down
the back, she remarked in that tone OF
philosophical expostulation which pru-
dent wives always employ, 'John, If
you can't perform at prayer meeting
without throwing yourself around,
bursting off buttons and tearing your
clothes, you'd better get religion at
home"
WHERE THEY GO TO- GET POSTAGE
9rsur>.-r-~v Svueioraeo were passin <
down Golden street the other afternoon,
one of whom carried some letters in his
hand. When opposite one of the down.
town saloons he of the letters remarked
to the other: 81 want to get some post
~. info fhn salnnn
The other, smelling something, re-
some stamps, too" and bolted in after
him.-Ne,otarg Telegram.
THE London Hornet gives the follow
ing as ''Things married lady cannot
help thinking Of" That she was 4 very
pretty girl of sixteen; that she had, or
would have had, a great many good
offers; that all her lady friends are five
years older than they say they are {;
that she has very fine mind; that if
her husband had acted on her advice he
would be a richer man to-day. The
Hornet is without doubt a married man.
WHEN man is chopping kindling
and stick with ragged edge takes
him between the eyes, he hurls the
hatchet far away, nurses his head with
one hand, and hops around as if he had
the spring-halt in his right leg. All his
physical agony is nothing compared to
his inexpressible feelings when his
wife pokes her head into the wood-shed
and mildly inquiries, "'Richard are you
hurt ?"-Titusuille Herald.
Two PERSONS were once disputing so
loudly on the subject of religion that
they awOke big dog, which had been
sleeping on the hearth before them, and
he forthwith barked most furiousiy. An
old divine present, who had been quietly
slipping his tea while the disputants
were talking, gave the dog Il kick, and
exclaimed: ''Hold your tongue, you
silly brute. You know no more about
it than they dO.''
MARIA, observed Mr.. Holcomb, as he
was putting on his clothes this morning,
there amt no patch on them breeches
yet.
Il can't fix it now no way; I'm too
busy
well, give me the patch, then, an
I'll carry it around with me- added
Holcomb. Il don't want people to think
| can't afford the CLOTH
A WAC entered n SmOkiuU ear on the