Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1875-06-27

The following telegram explains Itself:
MAMMOTH CAVE HorEb, Ey..t
June 70, 1870. !
Peter Tracy, Memphis, Tennessee:
If possible, postpone your eXcuTsioE
one week, as large parties are arriving.
MILLER.
The above telegram explains Itself,
indeed, to us, who have been FOR The
past two weeks doing twenty-six HOuTs
work in every twenty-fOur, in order to
be one of the first carload in the Tracy
expeditiOn-eXplains itself greatly TO
our discomfort, amounting even to dis
gruntlement. When we read the dig
patch we were in a humor to go for
Tracy's frOntispiece, which would have
resulted in more mashed lose than q
civil engineer could have estimated in a
month, DitISRIl his systems OF ca!culs-
ton by cones, prisms, right angles,
planes, bases, attitudes, means, ex-
Iremes, etc. We had stored our mem
DRY with all the features OF interest IN
that big "hOle in the ground" We had
committed to memory the names
Of all the chambers, arches,
galleries, grOttOs. the Gothic Arcade,
Lucy's Dome, Sparks Avenue, Fairy
grOtto, Vulcan's Smithy, Marths's Vine
NaIu, ISuSHCOi6 ANGuuS, 1GiOud = Al
cade, even the Fat Mans Misery. For
this latter we had reduced Ourself to
proper preparation to enjoy the visit,
without in the least realizing what is
supposed to have suggested the name
for this locality in the cave. And then
to think that the light OF Tracy's coun-
tenance would have served the purpose
of bengal lights along the Gothic CALLER
ha L,o- tlaI
Deserted Chamber would have received
radiance from the lustre of his
orbs Of external perception. How
more interesting than his visage, while
the Giants Coffin might be large enough
for his foot to rest on-a fact that would
detract from the Great Relief you have
before approaching the NarrOWs and Au.
dubon's avenue. When Tracy reads
this his eyes will glisten like the CONT
above the Floating Cloud room, which
you enter before reaching the Chief
City, beyond which are PrOctOT's Arcade,
Kenninp's Avenue, Wright's Rotunda
and Nicholas Monument. The
thoughts Of his misery will chase
his expectations into Fox Avenue
and Solitary Cave and along Black
Snake Avenue, which leads up the
Steppes Of Time, beneath Minerals
Dome, with desperate anger his fancy
would strike against Shelby's Dome and
fall back into the Bottomless Pit, ere his
anticipatiOns could cross the Bridge of
Signs and be entertained in the Reyel-
er's Hail, whence intoxicated thought
falls into the Scotchman's Trap,
or staggers through Bunyan's
Way into the Valley of Humility.
Testing aside, the Mammoth Dome that
is high above the Lower BIZ anch of Ira
cey's feelings would be fine ornament
to the comic Shanghai Chicken, whose
wings would hardly carry it over the
river Styx. The true reason Of the above
telegram is that the proprietor wished to
supply his larder, for Bacon Chamber
would then be attractive to Tracy,
| whose passage of the Dead Sea by the
Natural Bridge would let him par
take of the waters of Lake Lethe,
so as to forget the fatigue of the Great
Walk, which otherwise would be Pur-
gatOry Avenue. We advise him, as Sid
Jones would say, to battle in the Drip
ping Spring and abide awhile in Cas-
cade Hall, or else go at once into the
Internal Region, or be embraced by the
Sea Serpent But imagine Tracy ana
party going down the Valley Wayside
Cut, climbing the Hill of Fatigue and
the Great Western Rock in order to
dance jig IN Ole Bull Concert Room,
despite the Hanging Rock, more fear
full than the sword Of Damocles,
Think of Tracy's prOboscis exploring
Fly Chamber in search Of Arkansas
mosquitoes. Imagine him devOuring
the sumptuous dishes on Table Rock,
and then waltzing down Boone's Ave
nue. until, wesried by his superhuman
grace, he falls into the Black Hole OF
Calcutta, no longer peripatetic sample
Of Prof. William Mueller's terpsichorean
achievements. However, the expedition
will positively leave here tomorrow
, week; tickets for the round trip, twelve
dollars. The party will be limited to
fifty persons. Tickets for sale by James
Speed, corner of Main and Madison
streets. So Tracy is tranquil and all will
be well.