The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1875-03-04
Benjamin p. Gum Acting for the
Peace Society.

MAX ADELER mas the following in the
Danbury Neaos:
My life insurance agent, BENJAMIN P.
Gum, to whom have alluded at length
in my book, is still around, and he is
still canvassing actively for his company.
A day or two ago he dropped in to per
suade Mr.. Pitman to take out policy,
and the following conversation ensued:
Gunn-I called
Pitman--OH, GET OUT! Idon't want to
be bored about life insurance.
Gunn-1 just dropped in to see if -
Pitman-1 know you did, and don't
want any. You can't insure me.
Gunn-If you will permit me merely
Pitman,-But / won't permit you.
Skip! This is the sixteenth time you'ye
tackled me, and I'm sick of it. l amt
a,go9ing to insure my life. That's set
tied.
Gunn-You misunderstood me, Judge.
l called to ascertain if you are member
of the Peace Society.
Pitman-I am.
Gunn-I thought so. And, of course,
you are willing to help along any scheme
| which will put an end to war and MUIR
der?
Pitman-Certainly.
Gunn-Well, then, just listen to me. l
am acting in behalf of your society. l
have on hand a magnificent plan for pro-
ducing permanent peace on earth and
making armies useless. Why did Cain
kill Abel?
Pitman-l dunno.
Gunn-Because he had no particular
interest in keeping him alive That's the
reason. Why did David bang Goliath:
why did the Romans butcher the Car
thagenians; why did old what's lis
name burn Ridley and Latimer at the
stake?
Pitman-Hangedi if / know.
Gunn-Why, because it wasn't money
in the pockets of any of those fellows to
have the other chaps walking around en-.
jOying life. Do you suppose Brutus
would stabbed Caesar if Caesars death
would kept Brutus hard up for market
money? Not much, he wouldn't. Do
you believe Wise would hung old John
Brown if Johns death would forced
Wise to borrow money TO buy boots?
| Pitman-Maybe he wouldn't.
Gunn-Well, then, look a-here. Sup
pose you was a policy-holder in mutual
life insurance company, wouldn't it. re-
duce your dividends if you was to kill
another member and wouldn't you do
your terrific best to keep that member
alive?
Pitman-Strikes me would.
Gunn-Of course. Now what I am
aiming at is to gather the entire civilized
earth-the whole human family-into
our company, SOS that all hands will be
perfectly wild to keep everybody else
alive. When this is done you can beat
your swords into spears and your plow-
shares into pruning hooks, for there'll be
no more war. Don't you see? I'm not
working for paltry commission or two
1t is labor of love. Pm trying to ele-
vate the race and promote Christian civ
ilization.
Pltman-1t never struck me that way.
Gunn-Anyhow it's SO. And l ask
you, as a member of the Peace Society,
to enroll your name among those who
are carrying on this great work Terms
as low as any other company and divi-
dends payable semi-annually: Unborn
generations will rise up and call you
blessed. We make our policies payable
tine; and you'll dry the widows tears
and hush the cry of the orphan. Go in
for 5000 policy, and assure you that
the glad hosannas of the white-robed an
gel of Peace once more will resound
from the starry vaults of heaven, and
over the smiling earth the songs of love
will still the clangor of the war.horse
and the boom of cannon, and man once
more will know the felicity of Paradise.
Your grandmother died of liver-com-
plant, believe? Lem'me see, how old
are you?
Pitman-I'm forty-four in February.
Put me down for 5000, payable at sixty
years of age. Call in the morning with
the papers and I'll sign 'em.
Gunn-Good day. I'm off. I've got an
engagement with Cooley at eleven, and
I'm anxious to keep it. I've haunted
him for two years now, and he has sue
cumbed.