The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-02-04
GOSSIP,
GOSSIP.
o, 1t was very sad to see
Men smart as they are said to be,
(Armed with their local lances),
So baffled, checked and turned about,

GOSSIP.
o, Ii was very sad to see
Men smart as they are said to be,
(Armed with their local lances),
So baffied, checked and turned about,
And put to such horrid rout,
BY that air "heathen" Francis.
A isappointment--"lts lovely doll,
dear grandpa and grandma; but I'd been
hoping it you'd be twins"
"Tom, What in the world put matri-
mony in your headW swell, the fact is,
l was getting short Of Shirts"
One OF the most interesting and hotly
contested law suits ever known in Michi-
gan arose from the fact that two women
claimed the same waterfall.
Sunday-school Teacher-"What did
your godfathers and godmoihers then tor
your? School Dunce-"Noihing at all,
Miss, neither then nor sinceW
"A Western editor says that "a child
was run over in the street by a wagon
three years old and cross-eyed, with
pantalets, which never spoke alter
ward"
A young lady who came to the city to see
what WAS advertised as a "Spectacular
Drama" went home greatly disappoint-
ed. She says not one OF the actors wore
spectacles.
The young man who resolved to COM
| nit suicide because his sweetheart mar
ried an undertaken, owes his life to the
second sober thought that he might be
furnishing his rival a job.
They tried TO scare Toledo man in
Missouri by threatening to tar and
feather him; but he replied, "Come on
with your old tar; Pve been there six
times, and Pye got receipt for washing
it ot!'
Two well-dressed shoemakers being in
the company of some gentlemen, were
asked their profession. Says one, II
practice the neeling art" "And l." said
the other, "labor for the good of men's
soles."
In one of the schools in Lewiston, the
| other day, u boy, whose parents work in
tle mill, was asked the definition OF hOli-
day. 81 know" says he, ''iUs the day
when you can stay out without asking
| the boss"
| Sunday Visitor-"What is that boy of
yours playing at, Mrs. Mulhngtonr TIE
Wears Wile-.'O, well, OF course he
can't have his bali to play with on SIM
days, so we let him have the sofa cush-
ion to kickw
| "Pm atoat! Pm afloatw screamed a
young lady Of powerful lungs and fingers
| to match, as she exercised both at the
piano. Il should th nix you were,''
growled an old bachelor, "judging from
/
| An irish peasant being asked why he
permitted his pig to take up its quarters
with his family, made an answer abound.
ing with satiical naiuete: "Why noti
Doesn't the place afford every cOnye-
| nience that pig can requirew
A lecturer, addressln an audience,
conf ended with tiresome prolixity, that
art could not improve nature. until one
Of his hearers, losing all patience, set
| the room in u roar by eAclaiming. show
would you look without your wlgw
| Prudent Mother-stDont look at Pro-
fessor Won Bungs SO, Dora, dear, or peo-
pie Will think you are in love with him.
Dora (wnO is incOnsolable for lhe loss
of her darling poodle )-''I can't help il
ma; he is the exact image OF Mopsy."
Punch.
A finely dressed young lady slipped
and fell near The post-otfice, yesterday,
and the boot-black who assisted her to
her feet inquired: "Did you break any
bones, madamw mo, guess not," she
replied, "but Pm just as mad as if l had
broken dozen OF 'em."
The tol Lowing interesting conversation
occurred between the census taker and
a young lady: II am taking IL statistical
was there any produce raised here Last
yearW eyes; I've got one about Six
months oldv' The man left.
1t is all very well for Old Probabilities
to be telegraphing that the wind Is blow
| ing at the rate OF 100 miles an hour, but
he would be employing his time much
better ii he would add some Instructions
as to how man is to keep his back
warm While all this is going on.
A man entered a ticket Office in San
Francisco recently and asked for a ticket
for "DestinatfOn." 10 prove that he was
not mistaken, he pointed to u. notice
which read: "Passengers who intend
going further than YoKohama are re-
quested to purchase through tickets to
destination"
A pious colored clergyman explains
the "Beecher scandap to mis- flock IN the
following concise remarks: "Breddernl
l knows dat Brudder Beecher am inno-
cent, and you must belebe him innocent
likewise. Butt am gis pOssibul he's
done been among skunks."
A rustic youngster being asked out to
tea with a friend, was admonished to
praise the eatabies. Presently the but
ter was passed to hlm, when he re-
marked: "Very nice butter-N hat there
is of it," and observing a smile he added,
''plenty OF it-such as it is."
A lady living in The West End, fearing
that her washerwoman would suffer from
the intense cold, despatched a member
OF the family to pay little back bill OF
30 cents. The m. Of I. found the washer
woman broIiing quaiIs ior supper, and
the whole colored colony in high leather.
A story is told OF all old gentleman
who always took notes OF his MINISTER'S
sermons, and on one occasion read them
to the minister himself. "Stop, stopP
said the latter, on the occurrence OF
certain sentence, IL didn't say that" II
know you didn't" was the reply; IL put
that in myself to make sense"
"Dar's de man, Mister Speaker-dar's
de man wot done it, shouted q colored
member rising from his seat in the Ar
kansas Legislature with one hand point
ing to white man in the gallery and
with the the other rubbing the summit
of his Uranium. "Dat ar cussed white
man jes done spit down on de top o my
heau.n
II was pleasant to have the hostess at
a "candy scrape' say to Jones, handing
him little parcel, "rake this candy
home to your little sisters" 1t was not
SO pleasant Tor jones to wake up the
nexr morning and lind that the conse-
Quences OF his having lett his coat near
the furnace register were very disas-
tous. The candy had all melted; a pair
OF lavender gloves and line hemstltch
handkerchief were agglOmerated with