Middletown transcript., 1875-05-29
Niagara Falls.
BY NJ. QUAD.

There's water enough to make then
a perfect success.
learned from the depot. master thai
Nature made the Falls. but he wouldn't
commit himself when | inquired as to
the hackmen, landlords and relic sellers.
l thought | had strength enough to
, walk from the depot to hotel, mat
ter of three or four hundred feet, but
seven or eight hackmen rushed at me,
and yelled:
"H-a-cks-hacks! |"
After the police had stopped the
1 fight, started for the hotel, followed
by six hackmen in line. Some thought
it was funeral procession, and others
took me for lord. When I reached
the hotel the hackmen demanded fifty
cents each, saying that it was the same
fare whether | rode or walked.
but how could ride up here in
six hacks at once ?"
They replied that l couldn't bluff
them with any rule Of addition, division
or multiplication, and rather than seem
penurious | paid them three dollars.
The hotel clerks at Niagara are alone
|
sight worth travelling from Detroit to
see. They look down upon a common
traveller as Newfoundland dog would
gaze at pinhead. AT the hotel where
I halted, l had to take off my hat, as
sumo reverential expression of coun-
tenance, and address the clerk as fol- |
lows
"Most high and noble duke of the
register, would you coudescend to per-
nit u poor humble worm of the dust
like me to ask you what time the train
from the west is due here p .-
If he felt like it, be would take his
eyes from the ceiling, turn around on
his stool. fash his diamonds into my
eyes and point to the time-card on the
wall; but if he didn't feel like it, he
wouldn't pay the least attention.
The Niagara hotel waiter is only one
peg beneath the clerk. He has heard
about John Jacob Astor and the Roths-
childs, but he wouldn't compromise his
reputation by saying that he was init
masely acquainted with them. I didn't
knoA how to take him at first, and was
reckless enough to put dollar bill be-
side my plate at supper time. ,
What is that?" he inquired. as he
picked it up
That? That, sir, is lucre-dross-
noney--a greenback," l responded.
"Humph! you'd better keep it-you !
night want it to buy the Falls" he re-
orted
thought some of handing him my o
wallet, but as l didn't, l had to make b
ny supper out of pepper, salt. celery S
md crackers. fl
The guide is another feature of Mag. 81
ra. The one who took me around, o
howed me Goat Island from fourteen a.
iiferent points, and wanted two dollars Il
point. and when l growled about the Z
rice. be sneeringly replied that if I o.
ad come there to get one-horse view al
+ the Falls, | should have brought a fe
ent and some crackers and cheese CT
long, and camped out on the com t'
lons to
The relic sellers came to me in VI
ody. | at first refused to buy Thomas d.
efferson's arm chair and Washinston's di
ane, but the guide told me story re
bout miserly fellow who was thrown
yer the Falls for refusing to purchase
elics, and I felt compelled to select DC
velve Indian canoes, six Revolutionary
uskets. a quart of Mexican war bull oV
is. several war clubs and an armful
tomahawks. w
| left Niagara with only one thing to tel
'nsole me. 1t has been ascertained w
lat the Falls are wearing away at the =
te of an inch every three hundred
ears. and it won't be long before the
taract will be completely worn out.