Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-02-24
Odds and Ends.
Sunday Magazine.

A PROHIBITION island-Ushant.
SOCIAL pressure-Shaking hands.
A PAPER Of tax-The assessment list.
Mrs. SINE, Of New Jersey, is living
with her fourth husband, and it is
usual to repeat that old saying, 'sBy
this Sine she conquers."
''To THIN has become absolete.
''Not sufficiently materialized" is the
latest form in which this idea is clothed.
"Do you appear for the defendant2''
said the judge to lawyer at the trial
of an innocent man. ''No, SIR" said
the prisoners counsel, she is engaged
for the persecution.
A CoLoRED man at Norwich, sliding
down hill in the position popularly
known as ''belly gutter" the other day,
struck his head fairly against stone
post and was picked up senseless, His
first remark on recovering was:
''Where's de Teller what hit me-"
A DOCTOR and preacher were handy
ing words on physical prowess. Zone
blow from my fist" said the d. d.,
would show you the meaning of blue
mass, ''And one blow from mine,"
said the u. D., "would be new and
cheap way Of spreading the Gospel"
''OUR professor does wonderful
things III surgery" said young med
ical student; che has actually made O.
new lip for a boy, taken from his
cheek. "Ah, Well" said his aunt,
''many's the time [ have known a pair
taken from mine, and no painful opera
ton either"
DEACON STILES was Millerite, but
he failed to convince his wife Of the
truth of his doctrines. On a winter
night he awoke her, exclaiming :"Arise,
wife. [ hear the chariot wheels of God
Lie still you old fool said the prac-
teal wife; ''the Lord wouldn't be
round here on wheels with such good
sleighing.''
A WELSH clergyman. in an obituary
Of a brother minister, states that she
died in his harness, and his buckles
were undone as noiselessly as the angel
unbarred and unlocked the prison in
which Peter was confined" s'Undone
his buckles" as a mortuary figure, is
good-indeed, better than ''passed in his
checks"
A YOUNG MAN charged with being lazy
was asked if he took it from his father
81 think not, was the reply 'sFather's
got all the laziness he ever had"
DIALOGUE between a lady and an
Irish servant; ''Not at homer" 'Would
you Inquirer Servant returns-"She
is not at home, maam ; but she says
she'll be in an hour"
CHORUS of hungry children-"Ain't
there no breakfast for breakfast,
mammal" Mamma Certainly not.
You re to dine with your uncle Richard
to-day, and I can't let you 80 unprepar
ed"
A TEEToTALLER asked Pat, the other
day, If ever saw a teetotaller drunk.
'OcA' replied Paddy, with great
earnestness, Give seen many man
drunk, but I couldn't tell whether he
was teetotaller or not.
A LIVELY LADY, when the subject of
''strong- minded women" was being
discussed, made the remark, 81 notice
that those 'woman's rights people are
invariably mems lefts." Mr.. Dickens
used to repeat this with admiration.
A JOLLY doctor called on a lady on his
way home from dinner party, so full
that he could not count her pulse beats.
Conscious Of the cause Of his difficulty,
he, in a moment of irritation, blurted
out, ''Drunk, by Jove!" and rushed
out Of the house. The next day the
lady sent for him, and said that she la
mented that he had discovered her con-
dition, amt begged that he would keep
1t a secret.
81 SWEAR, said gentleman to his
mistress, "you are very handsome. -
''Pooh p said the lady, $50 you would
say if you did not think So ''And SO
you would Think answered he,
g Though I should not say so. %
"Do you know who [ am ?" asked
Highlander of a cabman, attempting, as
Macintosh thought, to overcharge him.
I'm The Macintosh" Il don't
care" said the cabby. &C. if you were the
umbrella, [ mean to have my fare.
The old gentleman who spend a for
tune in endeavoring to hatch colts from
horse-chestnuts is now cultivatlng an
eggplant with view to raising chick
ems from it.
A soHooLMAsTER thus describes q
money lender: ''He serves you in the
present tense, helends in the conditional
mood, keeps you in the subjective, and
ruins YOU in the future tense!''
SARAH YATES, of Abingdon, has al
ways been strong minded girl, and
opposed to matrimony. Recently, how
ever, she received an excellent offer OF
marriage, and compromised with her
principles in this style: Mr.. Bates,
have reflected upon your proposition,
and have concluded to submit to the hui
initiating sacrifice you demand.
A SAILORS wife had just received IN
telligence that her husband had perish
ed at sea. She visited neighbor who
sympathized with her on her loss, ana
expressed fear that she would DE
poorly off. "Deed will l, sad the
widow, ''but he did all he could for me
he's saved me the expense OF his
buryin'."