The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-04-30
kERNEa.S.

4 >.
A doughmestir difilculty-lleav,
bread.
Improving ones time-mcadine
the clcck.
1t takes a pretty smart man Il
tell when he is happy.
The home eircle-wa!kina
around with baby at night.
What is better than promising
Young MANI A paving one.
When a man can't find any,
thing IL DO. lie has lived long
enough:
The man who doesn't hang out
his shingle and advertise dies aud
leaves no sign.
Those who rise to emiuence sud.
denly are very apt to come down
by the next train.
When fortune wants To let a
fellow-b being fail The hardest, she
lifts him up the highest.
The spelling mauia IL raging.
Parties of four in the ears tGrn
two seats facing each other and
spell.
Marble-top tables are unhealthy,
according to the Herald ofHealth,
but it co"s Lot state their disease.
"Why do you use paintf'' asked
violinist Of his daughter; For
the same reason that YOU use ros-
in, papa" "How is that? Why,
to help me draw my beau
Nevada ice-dealers are already
preparing TO double their prices
next summer, upon the ground
that the crop will be almost en-
tirely eaten up by the grasshoop-
pers.
If George Washington himself
had only been cross-examined by
Judge Fullerton before he died,
we have no doubt it would have
turned out that he lied about the
cherry tree after all.
"Idlot!" exclaimed a lady, CON-
ing out of the theater, one even
ing, as q gentleman accidentally
stepped on her trailing skirt.
(Which one of us%' blandlv re-
sponded the man.
"No eetin appuls in school
ours,' reads sign on the black
board of a schooIhouse in enlight-
uned old Massachusetts, where
education is supposed to sit on
the top rail and make faces at ig-
norance.
A subscriber TO q South West
ern newspaper died recently, leaV-
ing four years subscription I'M
paid. The editor appeared at the
grave and deposited in the coffin a
palm leaf fan, q linen coat and a
thermometer.
A colored congregation in Day
ton have decided to forgive their
clergyman for betting on three
card monte and losing 80 dollars
of festival money. One of the
deacoEs remarked. ave is all hu-
man, and de game is VERY excit-
ing"
A clergyman in one uf our East
ern citiea vas met by a seedy-
looking man with a flask of whis-
KY in his pocket, who inquired !:
Sir, is this the nearest road to
the almshouse?" "No sir" replied
the clergyman, pointing to the
bottle; "but that is"
Detroit boys seem to advance in
education whether they attend
school or not. A newsboy who
couldn't change a ten-cent piece a
year ago, was recently heard re-
marking: "William Scott, if you
ever corrugate your brow at me in
that way again, shall temporary
~ deposit my papers on the pave
ment, and cause the blood to
coagalate under your left optic.
near uie, w lIllam
A boy about twelve years old,
knocked at the door of a house in
Detroit, and when the lady ap-
pea-ed he said: "There'll be a
boy around here pretty coon to
clean your walk, but don't give
him the job. His names Jim; I'll
be here with my partner pretty
soon. We go to Sunday-schooI,
never sass our mothers, and we
are going to give half the money
to the grasshoppers.'' The job
was saved for him.
SIR MARMALUKE'S MUSINGS.
Iwon beautio1s maid,
DIR rather thought had;
Hut when l asked her lad
He got so thunderin' iflaj
felt afraid.
And when she bade ule '.siigk.''
did; but with q srowu
He snatched me by the crown,
And yanked me up and down,
And then
busted quick.