, 1875-06-06

| 1AReA " AItcle &AA5 oA6Ao ~ sAAo NeAAA-@ ''F
proach Of the wing g-spreading, fre-breathlng
claw-clutching demon apostrorhized by tht
mournfui HESTER
| .------.-.---
| THE GRAS5HoP?E4 IN WASHINGTON.
| Ths yrasshopper has at lest reached Wash.
| inrton There is Department in that city
known to few people as the Department Of
Agriculture, which is principally noted for ita
collection of old seeds. There is Comnis-
| sioner who prosides over this Department
whoss name is WATTS. He is not the man
who watched the tea-kettle and thought out
the solution Of the stea1n-problem, nor is he
that venerable gentleman who wrote so many
godly hymns and psalms for the edifcation
Of devout people. There are no points Of
resemblance between these two benefactors
of mankind and the Commissioner OF Agri-
culture, with the possible exception Of the
antiquity OF al concerned. The Cenmis-
sioner spends much Of his time sleeping
among the seeds and roots, only waking up
occasionally to draw his salary, in which re-
spect he fills his position with marked ability.
Now and tuon, however, the bucoGo RIP VAN
WrK1E rouses himself and grapples with q
subject. His usual method Of doing this IS
interrogation He prepares long cata-
logue Of questions, sonewhnt in the
nature Of conuntlrums and refuses, hos
them printed in circulars, and sent
ters them broadcast throughout the
country, inviting replies. He then waits
certain length Of time for answers, but it al
xrn~-, Io,,are n+ m 1pa p17ocoac bic rorrY,-
drums The old gentleman, however, ia not
abashed, but quietly turns over and resumes
his nap, conscious that he has done his duty.
On Tuesday last, the Commissioner, waking
up from nap OF unusual length, found that
during his sleep the grasshoppers had been
abroad in the land doing great damage. Is
it is tho first time the old gentleman has
been exercised By grasshoppers, it follows
that he must have slept about two years. He
made amends, however, for his negligence by
propounding an unusually long series of
conundru1ns, which will soon bo in the hands
Of every horny-handed Granger and bu1om
dairy-maid for solution. The old gentleman
wants to know Il the grasshoppers wers
around in 1874 if SO, the data Of their ap-
pearance, the time Of day they ceme, and the
direction whence they came. Having as
certained these facta, then he wants to
know what the direction at the wind
WAS at that time, and whether it influenced
the hopper particularly. Next be would be
glad to know how long they remained, and
how the wind was when they went away
He would be glad also to be informed wheth-
or the hopper left any eggs behind him,
what Kind Of a phaee the hopper preferred
for his egg business, whether any OF those
eggs antched last year, and if any have
Matched this spring. II his mind can be re-
lieved upon tho hopper in general, then he
would like some facts relative to particular
swnrms, and how they conducted themselves,
and what way tho wind blew when they were
on the rampage. The next oonundram con-
Germs the plants or crops most injured by
them, md the remedies used to destroy them.
Having exhausted tho msectirorona how1-
edge Of the Granger, be closes his catalogue
of conundruns with the following crusher,
which he propounds, however, with grace
fm condition: "H you know, please give
your altitude above the sealevol"
One can family imagine the CONSERVATION
which will seizs upon the farmers f1ekides
all over the Great West when these conun-
drums are received After having been eatsn
up two years in succession by grasshoppers,
and having been ultimately driven to eat
grasshoppors to sustain hfe; after having
seen aud hoard Of nothing but grasshoppers;
nfter the grasshopper has been an intolerable
burden for two years,-to have this old gen.
tlonan invade tho ruinod districts with al- !
most as many questions as there have been
is simply refinement Of cruel
II compared with which another visitation !
Df grasshoppers would be kindness itseh.
We are somewhat surprised, however, that !
The old gentleman should have circu1n-
scribed his questions within such narrow
limits. He has omitted much useful mowl- !
edge he might have gained~ For instance: !
he price of butter at the ti1ne Of the last |
yrasshopper inavEion; how they affected |
;pring chickens; how many eggs hatched |
his spring, and the circumference and !
color Of hopper eggs; how many feet a
5rasshopper can jump standing and running;
he nutritive qualities Of hopper-soup as an |
article of diet; the moral effects Of the grnss-
hopper as applied to the use Of the English
anguage by deaconx; whether it is truo that
n somo sections the grasshoppers were
Utilized for molassea; the influence Of the
orayer-test upon tho voracity and agility Of the
nsect; how many eggs were laid to tho
square inch and how many grasshopperB
hero were to the square mile; how far all
:he grasshoppers would have reached II they
lad been captured and formed in single file;
1ow many wagons, moving machines, har-
'ows, shovols, and roof-shingles we're con-
Iumad by them, and the direction of the wind
it tbs time; how many infnnts incautious1y
eft out on the grass were carried away by
hem; how much corn single grasshopper
;ould eat at sitting, what kind Of corn he
and how it agreed with him; and