The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-10-07
Wit and Humor.

DRESSING Tor turkey-featnefS.
A MOOSE paper-A death warrant.
How TO find a girl out-Call when she
isn't in.
The cheapest of lawers-keeping one
own counsel.
WANrED-A lifeboat that will float
"sea of troubles.
TALES have strange passion for tell
ing themselves out of school.
MRs. PEeeARTY says that her husbands
behavior is enough to irrigate an angel.
Mr.. MUNCHAUsEN, who makes soap in
Montreal, furnishes his own lye, of
course.
THERE has always been trouble about
the mouth of the Mississippi river, it is
too far from the head.
A New YORK tailor says that if all men
would pay cash down for clothes the
tailors could knock thirty cents off of
prices.
A KENTUCKY editor tells another that
if his head were as red as his nose, he
would remind one of bow-legged car
rot surrounded by cockade.
ABenr If lightning struck a tree in
front of & Chicago Alderman's house,
the other night, and in his fright the
Alderman remarked "Hold onl I'll
restore the money!"
A LADY correspondent, who assumes
to know how boys ought to be trained,
writes to an exchange as follows Oh,
mothersl hunt out the soft, tender, genial
side of your boys nature" Mothers often
do-with an old shoe.
BROOKLYN argus: The average Brook
lyn lodger doesn't hunt through his soup
for chicken any more, but, glancing up
sadly into the landlady's face, timidly
asks: "Are you quite sure you dipped
any feathers in this water9"
An aristocratic New Yorker, on being
requested by rich and vulgar young
fellow for permission TO marry Zone of
his girls" gave this rather crushing
reply: Certainly which would you
prefer the housemaid or the cook 2"
SAINT say, Jim, how does you like
my new sweet OBJ clothesa" Jim-"Sweet
OBJ clothesl Go 1ongl You mean suit
of clothes" Sam-"Go long wild yer
ownseIf, you black ignoramus Don't
folks as knows French say sweet of
rooms? Well, de same am applicable
to clothes. Go whitewash yerself !"
IT is the ruthlessly contemplative mind
of Perkins, of the Cincinnati Times,
which evolves this exquisite consumma-
tion Gin all this world of woes can it
be possible to imagine another retribu-
ton so stern, so awful, and withal SO
Just, as that exhibited in the marriage
of life-insurance agent to book can
vasser 2"
eyes, SIR" promptly replied the boy
as the grocer asked him if he wanted any
thug. Z" want two ounces of XII and
two ounces of pepper" "N? Ki?"
aueried the astonished man. "Yes, sir
mother told me to get kand pepper here
and some corset-strings ON the corner. u
1t was a good while before the grocer
got hold of the right article.-Detroit
Free Press.
WHEN the Earl of Bradford was
brought before Lord Chancellor Lough-
borough to be examined upon applica-
tion for statute of lunacy against him,
the Chancellor asked him. How many
legs has sheep?" "Does your Lord
ship meap," answered Lord Bradford,
ga live or dead sheep?"F els it not
the same thing?" said the Chancellor.
"No, my Lord" said Lord Bradford,
"there is much difference. A living
sheep may have four legs dead sheep
has only two. There are but two legs of
mutton the two fore legs are shoulders. "
MISTRESS MOUSE.
Mistress Mouse
Built house
In mamma's best bonnet;
all the cats
We're catching rats,
And didn't light upon it.
AT last they found it,
And around it
Sat watching for the sinner;
When, strange to say,
She got away,
And SO they lost their dinner