The Leavenworth weekly times., 1875-07-29
WIT AND HUNoR.

A business man az North Hadly, Mass,
who recently failed, went out calling the
other day, where his former serv ant girl was
at work. "Ah," said he, "Biddy, you are
here at work ?' YES" replied the indus
trious woman, "and have been on my
knees spending the money that belonged tC
other people-and you haven't paid me
yet"
A worta young lover once sought foi
his bride,
A dame of the blue-stocking school;
Excuse me dear sir, but I've vowed" shs
replied,
"That / never would marry foolw
Then think not of wedlock, he answered
"my fair,
Your vow was Diana's suggestion,
Since none but fool, it is easy to swear
Would venture to ask you the ques.
question"
Not long ago an eminent lawyer was al
the theater seeing the play of Macbeth. In
the scene where Macbeth questions the
witches in the cavern, "What is't you do p
they answer "a deed without q name" Thit
phrase struck the lawyer, and he immedi-
ately remarked to friend, "a deed without
q name! why, tbs void"
A Kentucky reporter thus chronicles
the loss OF valuable COW: "Another
twenty five thousand dollar COW will never
more be troubled BY blue-bottle flies in this
world. The Fourth Duchess of Oneida has
been driven home by the Angel Of death.
The colonel of q regiment of militia
was informed that one Of his men had
swallowed his sword, and that it had run
through his body without hurting him. On
inquiry it was found that he had sold his
sword to buy liquor.
When new railroad is to be built,
the first thing they do i to "break ground,
which is done with gfeat ceremony. The
next thing is to break the stockholders,
which is done without ceremony.
: "A tombstone in q Colorado cemetery
has the following touching epitaph
But the Injuns rsised bis hair"
ii say, Bill, what's the difference be-
tween your watch and bill-poster ~ 81
give it up, julius" "Well, one is Bills
ticker, and the other is bill-sticker."
-sWere you drunk 7" asksd q lawyer Of
. witness. sWell," was the reply, q had
been drinking % much / couldn't tell
whether I was sober or mott
Why would Frenchman say that an
inferior singer at the opera was an indecent
character Because he is always in de
chorus (indecorus.)
"A lady recently advertised q lecture on
the sabject of Moods" and was greatly
disgusted because she didn't have 4 the
"first person present"
A schoolmaster said OF himself II am
like hone, 1 sharpen q number of Nades,
but wear myself out in doing it"
The difference between q tippler and
his bottle is, that the former Is apt to fall
when full, and the latter when empty.
The spinsters Of Athens, Ca, have re-
questsd the Legislature to make It special
offence for any widow to marry again.
"A mans fool to try to beat the sun in
rising. 1t will be sure to rise some morning
when he won't. -
-Railrosds are built On three gauges
now-a-days-narrow gauge, broad gauge,
and mortgage. -
-"Oh, my dear viis !" exclaimed q young
married man, as he paid the fist milliner's
bill.
The best vay to take cod liver oil
fatten pigeons with il, and then eat the pi-
geons.
Mo wonder jaek-o, lantem dies about
90 it is always Ight-headed.
There is alwsys great waste Of water
in depsy.
The wandering heireo-the wind-lass.