The Hawaiian gazette., 1875-09-15
Variety.


An old title in new light-LAw's serious call: A
Bin Of Costs.
JOcHlar EutOmolOgy-PrOfessOr Define black
boetleT Pupil ooaly-hopterous insect.
Three Sects-He was bright boy who told his
teacher there three sects the male sez the e-
male ser, and the insects.
III railway train that is run into by another is
tsleseopea, man who is run into by wild steer
must be ste e)rooscOped.
Couundrun by Countess-When en- is lady going
% Court, in orush like too late for the railway
Whsu she loses her train.
Allowance" Can't you make any allowance for q
mans being drunk77 Certainly,' said the judge /;
" III allow you three days Imprisonment"
q must marry that girl" said a discOnsOlate
young man. She whistles, and it'n never do to
trihe with the affections Of girl that Whistles"
The people Of Kansas, who have been reduced
nearly to starvation by the ravRges Of the grasshOp-
perE, have cheorily adopted dance which they call
the grAsshopper's cOtillOn."
A Calfornian's matrimonial advertisement winds
up as follows: Fortune no object, but should re-
guire the gals relations to deposit $500 with me- as
security for her good behavior.
The Finest view-on his return from tour down
TIE Rhine las, autumn, our practical friend, Jones'
vas asked what be thought Of the views, when he
answered, Well, Of all the views clApped my eyes
On, the finest, to my taste, was the Yieux Cognso."
An Irish National School Lesson-Master +" Spell
Patriotism Scholar pat, Pat; riot riot,
ism, ism" Master: "NOw spake it together"
Scholar: " Patriotism" Master: "Ah, thin it's
the good boy you are intirely.''
-.
London street by a dray. he shouted to the driver
4" Do yOu want to XII me?' whoreupOn the intelli-
gent driver replied. If 1 had knOwed you was a
coming this way would have seaty you post card
Rudimeuts Of Economy" May leave this piece
Of bread nurseS" Certainly not, Miss May. It's
dreaafuIy Wastoful and the day may come when
you'll rsaHf = piece Of bread.'' Then I'd better
hep this piece Of bread till 1 do want 1t, nurse.
HAdu'tTf'
Professor HAeckel says: We are justified in
EuppOsiag that the primitive must have been
a WOOly-haired, prognAthOus, dOlcOcephAlOus being,
Of dark brown or blackish color" Glad the thing
is explained; il always puzzled a little.
Unoomplinentary-Bibbs was married the other
day 20 quiet. not to say stupid, girl. with face
like dolls. Some one remarked to Mufington that
tine, and bad now :" wOOcd and wOn." MuaingtOn
said, Yes wooden one-that's just what she is
Cold in the head-Life is but an empty show, 3
hollow mockery to the with cold in his head
Be be naturally ever SO ambitious and energetic,
when thus situated he desires only sit by the FIRE
and mediate. Every bone in his body aches, he
loses bis appetite and his head feels though it
ven IS large as . crate of crockery, and about as
heavy. De has but little inclination to carry
conversation or to hear others talk but would rather
crawl Of to some secluded spot with dozen or so
fresh handkerchiefI and there remain enwrapped in
his misery and his cold.
A livery stable keeper in DStrOit, reports the fol-
loving as = specimen of the " horse talk" daily
heard IN his barn: "old Nero has been kicking
Susan B. Anthony into the middle Of next week,
Olive Logan's all lsmed up, and Archimedes. Sir
Isaac Newton and DR.. Mary Walker have been en-
gagged to 60 to a spelling school tonight. I'VE sent
Anna Dickinson over TO be shOd, and William Pen n
ought % have his teeth fled"
They had good deal Of trouble with Barnum's ele-
phAni in Rhode Island recently. 1t appears that
they were feeding one end of him in Massachusetts,
and the other end got into farm yard in Conneeti
cut The neighbors came out and attacked the Con-
necticut end with pchforks, and the Massachusetts,
end got mad. There was good deal Of excitement |
for time and the majority Of the inhabitants step
ped over into the adjoining States till it all
-EorrrieI Bu1efin. !