The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-05-20
THE TRUTHFUL RESOLYER.

H.
Mr.. JoHN UPANDowNJoHN had the mis-.
fortune 10 be strictly honest man, in
which particular ,lc stoHd lameutsbly lone
lie was constructed pecuiarly-he was
born into an atmosphere Of integrity. and
his training had added to his natural bent
to degree that made him as incapable Of
an untruth, or the semblance thereof. as
George Washington himself. Having this
tendency, it was well for him that he was
born with fortune, for his rigid adherence
10 his principles untitled him for almost
every Occupa ion, He did try journalism,
but was dismissed ANONYMOUSLY for say
ing of candidate of the party with which
the paper acted, that he WAS a thief and a
trickster. Then he essayed the law. but
he saw enough of law before he had been
in an Office two weeks, while medicine last,
cd him scarcely week. So he determined
TO do nothing but live on his income and
be an honest man.
lie adopted certain rules by which he
lived. and H. could no more depart from
them than he could rise from the earth and
take place among the stars. He ate ex-
sctly so much, AT certain fixed hours, and
OF certain kinds of food. He drank so
many times a Gay. of certain Liquors he
fancied were good for him, measuring the
quantity with the accuracy and precision
of an apOthecary; and so far did he carry
rule into life, that he put on and off his
clothing on certain DAYS i'm certain months,
without reference to weather. | saw him
shivering one bright but very cold morn
ing in June, ana demanded the reason.
II laid off my woclens this morning."
said he.
Why Law off your woolens in winter
weather. | asked.
The lst of June is my day therefor" :"
said he. T" The weather ought to be warm
to-day. | cannot break my rule"
lie never neglected to pay debt, and
never told a lie, not even a white one. He
was cut on: of an aunt's will. by respond
ing to her anxious inquiry as to how she
looked in a certain dress which she had set
her heart on, with the simple word
" "hideOus.' And the same devotion to
truth barred him, no matter what path he
took.
He was frighlfully unpopular, though,
notwithstanding he held a high position
among his fellows. His clild-like SIM
plicity and sterling integrity made MIN
valuable. and tesideS every one knew
that his devotion TO truth was honest. and
had nothing of bumptiOusness or malice
in ii. ..ra. ....
Mr.. UpandownjOhn was a member OF
the Leviathan Club. | write the word
.,1as sadly. for he is Leviathan no more.
The cause and manner of his leaving that
delightful aS,oci ,tion of good men is
the animus of this paper.
The members of the Leviathan were
pleased with the appearance of Mr.. Up
andownjohn. aud made much of him.
Had they known him better they would
have loved him less, for his peculiar vir-
was ppyni nOnul1r i'm that pluh
He excited attention. first by his habit
of correcting loose talking members when
their statements were highly favored with
romance; rs for instance, when one gen
tleman asserted that his father owned
Flora Temple when she was a colt, using
her as common hack. and selling her fl
nally for fifty dollars, Mr.. Upandowniohn
quietly put him down.
Il knew Your father" he said, ''and a
worthy. truthful man he was. He died
just three years before Flora Temple was
fogled. The mare he used for hack and
sold for fifty dollars must have been some
other famous animal. Flora Temple will
some day be the death of me. Every rae
ing season some one narrateS the crcum-
stance of his father having owned Flora
Temple and worked her as a hack, and,
what ismore pXasperating, he always sold
her for fifty dollars. Would that could
find one man whose father sold her for
sixty dollars or siXty-twO dollars and fifty
cents. You. my dear sir. are the sixty
eighth man this season whose father once
owned Flora Temple. She was the most
extensively owned mare / ever knew any
thing about"
On another occasion a gentleman de
tailed with great minuteneSs how, I'm do
ing the reeu ar thing at Niagara by going
under the sheet, the wind parted the tor
rent aud he stepped out upon the shelf
outside. when. TO his horror. the opening
closed. leaving him outside the falling
sheet on a narrow ledge of rock. With
great presence of mind he darted through
the falling sheet and reiuined the fright
ened party, who supposed him lost for
ever.
Mr.. UpandOwniOhn took pencil and pa
per, and worked all night and the next
day, without sleeping or eating. The
next evening he exhibited TO the hero of
this marvellous adventure the weight of
the water in that sheet. and demonstrated
10 him the fact that, had he got under it.
he would have been mashed. though he
had been constructed of steel.
Are you sure it was Niagarag' he
asked anXiOusly. Wasn't it some other
Iall.''
OllC GdN Il iltIlbtI QicO, d.lu lut CluD
did the usual thing by him. A committee
was appointed TO draft resolutions eX-
pressing the bereavement of the memberS.
aud, as ill-luck would haveiU. Upandown-
john was put upon the committee.
They met, and, as is always the case,
two of the members really had no time to
attend TO il. One had an engagement at
the theater, the other was to take his sis
ter--Or some one else'S-tO the opera.
Upandownjohn,n said the first. 'yOu
have nothing 10 do, and are handy with
the pen. There is no erthly necessity for
keeping us here. You just write out the
usual resolutions, and send them down to
the Screame', the SoGrer, and the Spoater
in time for tomorrow morning."
"How shall l treat the deceased :" asked
CpandOwnjohn.
20. in the usual way. Speak of his
qualities as a man, the feelings of the club
at his untimely taking off, the sources Of
consolation we have, his qualities as an
actor; hurl in something to alleviate the
pangs OF his family speak of his general
standing. and put in strong dose of gen-
eral comfort, and SO on. It'll be ali right. |
You'll attend to II now. won't you?"
1T is disagreeable duty. - replied L p
andownjohn, ''but will doit."
And they left him TO his work.
Now Mr.. Upandowniohn had had no |
experience in work of this kind, and con- !
scouently he wasn't clear as TO its form. |
So he sent for the scrap-book. in which
such utterances of the club had been
nasted from the beginning. He was
shocked. There werea great many sets
of resolutions on deceased members (the
InnorS were bad az the Leviathan), and
thy were precisely alike. They ran as
follows:
WHEREAS. Ii has pleased Almighty 6Od, The
ruler OF the Universe, 10 remove from our midst
our esteemed brother, John James so-and so;
and
WHEREAS. II Is fit that we, his afficted sur
viyors OF the Ieviathan Clpb, should publicly eN-
press our sore grief at this great bereavement
therefore be IL