, 1875-09-12
NOR.

No good placa for Toms and Tabbies-cas~
None-ia.
Why don't Sweden have to send abroad for catr
tie? Because she keeps her Stockholm
People who carry chewing gum and postage
stamps loose in their pockets do notconp!aln Of
lack Of business.
Hearing Of recent expectation OF = large in-
voice OF young frogs from this country to
England for breeding purposes, . suspicious
nifcauce.
When man goes to quilting party about
tea-tme and gits down on bali OF 1ickiug with
long darnlng-needla in it, ha will think OF mo5e
things connected with darnlng in minute than
he can mention lQ two hours.
The worst case OF sa1ashness that Kentucky
newspaper has ever been permitted to present
| to the public, emsnated from \ youth who COM
planned because his mother put bigger
mr7ata-d-p1aster on his younger brother than she
did on him. after they had parsaken too freely
OF melons and hard apples.
A gentleman in want OF house for the gum
1ner months, in little town on the west coast OF
Ireland, found commodious residence close to
the beach On consulting ths house-agent's
| board he read j: II House to be let !; apply opno~
| site." "Opposite !" cried be "why. ths house
faces the sea-" On making inquiry. he found
| that tho house belonged to d New-Yorker, who
| was open to receive Oilers
| The other day, aa Detroit undertaken Has
| walking along, accompanied by his son. he took
| of his hat and made . low bow to an oldish man
whom they saw across the street. Father.
! why do you take of your hat to such an old cod
| ger ?" inquired tho sou. my son thst man haa
| ten children, some Of whom will die before tho
| summer is out, and he paws caah down for every
| thing" answered the father.
Horace Wa]po1e said this vas the worst, that
| il tbs best bull he ever read; II hate that
| womau," said gcntleman, looking at Yerson
| who had been his nurse,-''I hate her, for whom
| / was child she changed me at nG-so." This
| was, indeed. perpsexing assertion ous Wo
| have similar instance recorded IN :l;e authbl-
| ography Of An Irishman, who erayely informs rs
| that he iran away early IN life from his sather
| On discovering he waa only his uncle.
| Forewarned. Forea.ned-{O Our reporter before
| dinner): beg pardon. my Lord. but could
your Lordship kindly oblige me by giving me
hint as to what your Lordship is going to say IN
reply 70 The Duke when hs Gaes ptopoaea 5oua
what bat tho Duxe ssyss' Our reporter: - Oh,
| can oblige your Lordship With what his Grace II
going. to aay; I've got it al IN M pocket
| Punch
ATenth- -Varder rather under tile influence
Of Iuuor. approached an acquaintance tho other
day snd remarked: '.See here, Bill they 'ay
Von Vo1 I eaiied % me- = sheep-tbief" '.Yas. I did"
'sWau, you've got TO apologies, or IT! ock yon!"
.besp- hiefTbut nlsspoke myself,-I meant
to SAY that you had been in Jail for STEALING
norse," That's manly" said the Tenth-
| Wsrder. LEES take = drink I knew you
| didn't think I'd pick up anything sraal!arn
| horse."-Detroii Free Press.
Aman yesterday entered vicksburg saloon,
and. with anguish in his tone aud look, he in
ouired Of The proprietor: My dear man, will
Won rive me SO cents to holp bury my poor dead
mother !" No. air. Was the prompt response:
/ ''Witl you give NE IS cents :" No. err
"You won't give me cant toward burylns tho
mother who learned me the Lords Prayer. eh ?"
| Not = rcd" :" Well continued tho stranger.
after pause, set out the whisky aud Til call
It square, and leave the old woman on top Of tho
| ground" But the saloonlst didn't - ses- -
Vicks6urg HeraM
! 4 few days since \ very absen.r minded MAJ
got into horse car at Portland. He had a
would not forget it when ha got out, be placed it
securely between his feet. During the ride 10
| engaged very earnestly IN conversation with
another geatlaman, and, whan the car arrived At
| the place where he W;Ahed to aligbt, he hastily
| arose, and naturally stumbled over tho basket
lie picked himself up and exclaimed: What
fool left that basket there for people to stumble
oves?" and he goE ont Of the car, leaving tho
basket where had kicked it.
When the hands knocked OF from work for
dinner at one OF the buildings being erected on
Alabama street yeetarday, tho od-car1iers get
the time, when one negro remarked: Yen poor
nigeeB didn't know that used to b. stock-
holder IN de street-car company" .'Tou'sa .
fool niggAh else ycn must tink ve is said
another. ''1t's fact l wal" protested the
bosster. "How much Of = stockholder was yoc,
mules up hyar It Peachtrse street. ~hsa dog
changed do teams to do cars "-Atlaa&a &c., J
Constitution.