Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-02-11
Varieties Of all kinds.
Plain sauce-An interview with q
Saratoga hotrl CLERK.

Plain sauce-An interview with O
Saratoga hotcl CLERK.
Dubuque, Iowa. with delightful
appreciation of the fitness of things,
has utilized the inside Of its race
track as cemetery.
Whiskey distilled from sea weed 10
the vehicle wherein the Swedes take
sweedenin' in their'n to the extent Of
100, 900 gallons annually.
An exchange refuses tn publish the
poem commencirg:-"I breathe on
the face of n maiden, until the editor
knows what its author drinks.
4 newspaper warmed. and plsc'd
inside the waistcoat will keep out the
cold far better than large quantity
ofclothing. Now sthe time 10 SUBJ
scribe.
A Cincinnati woman burned her
husbands Sunday suit b. cause he
would not put on II buffalo robe and
crawl around the back yard aud play
Santa Claus.
II can afford to be little extrava.
CANT now, as m husbands been elect
ed to the Legislature" said All Indiana
women as she ordered six bars Of soap
to be sent up.
"Mary, love the WE'LL" wrote an
impassioned vain to his sweetheart;
hut she couldn't imagine whathis
affection for well had to do with
the question ofan early marriage.
The Young man who resolved to
commit suicide because his sweet
heart married nm undertaken, owes
his ,ife to the second sober thought
he might he furnishing his rival o
job.
A Milwaukee m n hid in n public
doorway and jumped out and kissed
his wife. ; didn't whoop and yell,
rs he expected, but replied: "IJon't
he so bold. mister--folks around here
know mel"
"And there's the end Of it, indig>
nantlv remarked Mr.. Crabtree, Of
Butt county, Ga, when he bit Oft the
end of DR. Noen's nose, the other
day. for presenting his bill for pro-
fessional service.
"He stood on the edge Of deep
md yawning absces-,' read boy in
pub ic chool recently Spell that
word if you can't pronounce il" said
the teacher. When silence was re-
stored he slowl ~ spelled it +: y b y-ss'
Josh Billings says. 'Ifyu are going
to civ a man emmy thing Civ il to him
cheertully, and quick, don't make him
III down on his kneeze in front OF
you. and listen To the 10 commands
nents, and then give him FIVE cents.
you are from the country. are
you not, sir!" asked a city clerk Of a
Quaker who hal just arrived. Yes.
"Well, here is al essay on the rear
ing of calves" That" said Amiua-
dab, "thee had best present 10 thy
mother"
Make you a coat?" said suspici>
Gus tailor to u suspected customer.
"Oh, yes. sir. with the greatest plea
sure. "rherc just stand III that
i,ositon, please, aud look right upon
that notice while take your meas-
ure.' Cu-tomer reads the not.ce
Terms cash.
A temperance lecturer, de-clnting
on the superior irtue, vt cold .ater,
remarked: "When the world had
become so corrupt that the Lori
could do nothing with it he was. OBJ
liged to give it thorough souslng IN
cold water" "-"Yes" replied topper
present, "but it killed every crater
Oh the tace of the earth.
A Swiss boatman recently pulled
a wUuIdbe suicide out of Lake GeDe-
va An hour or tao after the boat
man discovered the same man aDg-
ing by the neck to tree, but did mt
interfere that time. be magistrate
summoned him to answer why lie did
not prevent the suicide. but he res
piled that he supposed the gentlemen
had only hung himself up u dry,
"Oh! your nose is as cold as ice.'
a Bcrton father thought h. heard his
daughter exclaim the other evening,
as he Was reading IN the next rom.
He walked in iora, explansiion. hut
the young fellow was at one end ct
tue sofa and the girl ut the other.
while both looked so inn, cent ard
u conscious that the old gentleman
concluded that his ears had deceived
him, and 60 retired from the scene