Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-04-06
what Know About Marriage.

into print, so all the world shall
know he's got married. They've
had row, and she wont take the
blame, and he's mad about it.
Adam begun just so. 1t runs in the
blood of the whole tribe of men.
When the Lord inquired into that
little apple scrape, Adam laid the
whole blame upon Eve, and if the
Lord hadn't known something
about it, ten chances to one if Adam
hadn't had Eve bundled out of
Eden in trice. I wish he had, and
then Adam would have found out
how he'd manage alone, with all the
work he had before him.
When men marry, they want all
the virtues done up in the most
attractive form. If they aren't he
won't have 'em at all; and whose
whole duty shall be to make him
comfortable and happy; and when
he finds this aggregation of virtues
and fine feathers has ways of her
own, he's astonished. Now, this
couple have been somewhere, and
he got ready first. Now, 1 know
all about this getting ready to go
out; I've been married, too-a long
time ago. At first, as I am an
orderly person, 1 arranged my
bureau and set aside a drawer for
Alphonso's shirts and socks, but to
this day his first call is, " Jane Ann,
where's my shirt ?'' He'd never
know il they laid there twenty-five
years, so get the shirt, aud know
ing the next call will be "hain't l
got any clean socks ?' bring them
along, too; and then begin to put
up my back hair. About the third
hair-pin, an exclamation from the
: sitting where (as we live
alone) Alphonso is making his
toilet, startles rae, and look around
inquiringly. "Deuce take these
shirts that button behind!" so L
stop and button his shirt, then pro-
coed with nay hair. It's getting
late, so L do it up plainly without
extra frills. Then comes my boots,
with about forty holes on each side
to be laced up. / proceed energet-
ically, and just as the second one is
half done, Alphonso has achieved
the marvellous feat of pulling on his
boots and slipping his arms into his
coat and west, and waits for me to
fix his collar. He used to do it
himself before he was married, but
you know its pleasant to have your
wife do it for you. After this, for
about ten minutes, l have peace,
while he is before the glass waxing
his moustache. AlphonSo's NOUS
tache and goatee are-shall l say 1t?
-yeU0w- and must be dyed! Now,
that moustache and goatee used to
be my special admiration, and even
now, when nicely wa1ed and dyed,
is thing of beauty-though l
know that glossy blackness is all a
sham. A survey shows little dust
on his coat-collar. Now l had just
as soon have bull in a china shop
as man hunting for thing right
before his eyes. After upsettlng
everything on the bureau, and step
ping on my dress, and Knocking
over couple of chairs, | ask what
he wants. "Strange that clothes
brush can't ever be found! l step
to the nail where, for convenience,
l hung it over year ago, and 1t has
never been off since, except to be
used. With grunt he asks me to
brush the back of his coat. l do it,
and pick up the chairs, right-up
bottle of hair-oil that is trickling
down the front of the drawers on
the carpet, pin up my dress where
1
sJip1e am getting a little nervous. |
hastily pin on my ruff and scarf,
and think-Well, now, l am plainly
and neatly dressed, and will go.
Alphonzo gives quizzical look,
and l know something's wrong.
q" Seems to me you don't look par
.ticularlv nice. Where's your curlS
and those fixins you wear on top of
your head. You know Tarificus
Snoodles will be there with that
little chit he's married, and 1 don't
want to see you looking worse than
she," So, with an inward growl at
Tarificus Snoodles and his doll-baby
wife, spend another twenty min
utes putting on frizzes and curls,
and chains and brooches and brace
lets-try first one spray of flowers
and then another; for the harmon
ious arrangement of colors is an
artistic and painstaking affair. AL
phonso suggests that am looking
a little pale. Now l love Alphonso,
and like to crafty his pride in his
wife, so 1 judiciously apply little
rouge. He at last processes to be
satisfied with my appearance. BY
this time there is little confusion
in the rooms. don't like to have
things in this state, so pick up his
boots and dirty clothes, hang up his
coat and pants, put away the combs,
brushes, etc., and lay out my gloves
and handkerchief, put on my hat,
and think / am ready to go. AL
phonso feels in his pockets and says
"Won't you get my handkerchief p
oblivious of the fact that it is i'll the
drawer with his shirts and socks. l
get it, and he holds the door open
for me, and asks if I have put out
the can for the milk, which comes
in the morning before we are up.