National Republican., 1875-12-04

obscure In their expressions, which sometimes
mislead men. Now, If the old lady had been
particular to state the color and size of the
wig, we might have traced up the real owner.
How can we tell, with the present information,
whether it belonged to Alexander the Great or
belongs to Columbus Alexander Women are
usually vigorous takers, but this old lady
seemed to lack conciseness, and whichever
Alexander owns the wig referred to by her
should rise and explain. It certainly looks
suspicious.
He was very funny man-not exactly funny
by nature, but rather by cultivation. He came
into the office in the very funniest mood that
was ever upon him, and he looked much like
man who wanted something. His dress would
have stirred the risibilities of dog that had
not seen bone for two weeks, and the way he
squinted out of the corner of his eyes indicated
the desperate situation of his case. He did not
hesitate to explain what he wanted. sMy
FRIEND said this wayward and weather-beaten
man, 81 recognize in you the noblest work of
nature. In the lineaments of your most excel
lent countenance notice similarity to those
of the Father of his Country, and If mistake
not your heart beats with the finest pulsations
of humanity. Do you chew? If SO, allow me
to touch your generosity by the frank state
ment that haven't seen a chew for nine days.
Thank you, sir. / came here on business,
and-again, as you turn your fine head to the
leeward, notice clearly the resemblance be-
tween yourself and Washington-I came here,
as 1 remarked before, on business, and from
the benign expression in your countenance
feel that you will lend me your ear. Iwould
rather be doorkeeper in the House of Con-
gress than to dwell in the midst of plenty, and
l am here for that purpose. If land once
more allow me to remind you of the wonderful
similarity between yourself and George was
going to say if / can get you TO mention the
fact that l have voted the Democratic
ticket since / was twenty-one years of
age, and have been mad at myself because
didn't vote 1t before, it will be drop in the
bucket, and give me start in the race. I
couldn't-anybody could tell at first glance
that you were cut out for great man, and
ought to be in Congress this minute-as
was saying, couldn't begin to tell of the great
services that have rendered my party; but
would like to have you say in about half
column that / have every requisite in the
world for a first class doorkeeper. Do you
smoke? 1 thought so by the cigars in your
pocket. Thanks, that's a nice looking one.
The truth is, have got to be doorkeeper or
break. have spent one hundred dollars in
coming here, and will spend one hundred more
when pay my board bills. This fact, you see,
necessitates my being doorkeeper. The honor
isn't much, but the pay, that's the humor of it,
and"-by this time he had managed to get
two silver plated paper weights, book of
quotations, and gold pen in his pocket, and
as soon as the messenger had recovered them,
he was requested to put his foot on the Office
seeker where he thought it would do the most
good, and introduce him to the night air,
which was blowing damp and raw without.
The next one will be busted with pile
driver.