Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-03-25
M,Iscellaneous.

Common pleas-please shut the
door.
The scale of good -breeding-B nat
ural.
A poor relation-telling an anec-
dotebadly.
Carpets are bought by the yard,
and worn by the foot.
Wasting sweetness-putting your
arm about pretty woman.
AS you cannot avoid your own
company make it as good as pofsi-
BILE.
Instead of saying "look up, the
Texan exclaims: See hyar, old fel-
lowr'
Habit is cable. Every day we.
weave thread, and soon we cannot
break it.
1t is the high price of slate pencils
that is driving the saloon keepers to
the poor-house.
Mrs. Gubbins says her husband is
like a tallow candle: he always will
smoke when he goes out.
Two things in this world that should
not be trified with-a woman's opin-
ion and the business end of wasp.
MAY heaven bless and keep you
from your own true love, Benjamin
Herrick," was the way the letter
ended.
"Teeth in exchange for wheat, pork
or potatoes" is what an enterprising
dentist in one of the State towns ad-
YertiseS.
A grocer when complained to about
selling bad eggs, said: "At this
season the hens amt well and very
often lay bad eggs"
A veteran shopkeeper says that al
though his clerks are very talkative
during the day, they are always ready
to shut up at night
Josh Billings says: "There amt
anything that will completely cure
laziness, though second wife has
been known to hurry it some"
A Rhode Island woman says that
she'd rather have the nightmare sew
en- straight nights than tell her hus
band that the flour barrel is empty.
When a Chicago man gets rich, he
writes to Eastern publishing houses
and tells them to send "half ton of
books with gilt oil" n."-Mil,oawkee
Nelos.
Miss Eastman, in her woman suf-
frage argument up at the State House,
used the simile: eyes as bright as
buttons on angels coats" She's get
ting brassy.
Give your son a good education
and settled purpose in life, and when
he is man he will not be content to
sit back of a grocery stove and crack
his fingerjoints.
There is said to be but one divorce
in England to every ten in America.
Comparatively few English people
marry for fun, it would seem.-LOU.
2SclLt6 tOUfIC1'-J OuT'UuL.
The New Haven Register relates
that an actor at one of the theatres
was called out three times in one
evening, not long ago--twice by the
sheriff and once by tailor.
An Annapolis man rode clear to
Savannah to lick a fellow who called
him a liar, and the undertaken said
he never saw dead man look so
much like quarter OF beef.
When the postmaster OF Vicksburg
was on his dying bed the other day,
twenty-eigh men hurried past the
house with petitions praying that
they might be postmaster.
The saddest thing in life is the
spectacle afforded by young person
who has burnt all her hair off her
forehead with a hot slate pencil and
cannot afford to buy row of curls.
A musician, noticing that his friends
wearied at his performance, remarked:
You are aware that this is very
uiutCulG pdSodSC' WlSu IL was
impossible" replied one.
The Detroit Free Press asks, if
Mr.. Bergh can send a man to Jail for
three months for killing a mad cat,
we'd like to know what he can do to
a boy who feeds marbles to parrot?
A little American lad who had just
commenced reading the newspapers
asked his father if the word "Hon.p
prefixed to the name of a member of
Congress, meant ''honest."
No, Mr.. Indiana man, we don't
want to buy any autographs of Gen.
Washington at So so each. We can
write all we want, and do as well as
Washington used to.-DetrOit Free
Press.
Said pompous husband, whose
wife had stole up behind and given
him kiss: MADAM, consider such
an act indecorous.' Excuse me-"
said the wife, 81 didn't know it was
you"
A. 7. Stewart once paid $40, 200
for painting forty feet long, and
ever since then he makes it prac-
tice every night and morning of say
ing to himself: Stewart, you are the
biggest jackass in America"
Deacon Ladue, Of Wisconsin, went
to the barn the other day and hung
himself with log chain because his
wife playfnlly kicked his hat off and
exclaimed: "That's the kind of a
clothes pin | amp
The ghost Of Noah Webster came
to spiritual medium 10 Alabama,
noticing since, and wrote on a Slip of
paper e It is tite times.pg Noah was
right, but we are sorry to see he has
gone back on his dictionary.
If the James brothers carry six re-
volvers and two bowie-kniyes EACH.
besides Henry rife, Quad saws he