The Hillsdale standard. [volume] (Hillsdale, Mich.) 1851-1909, 1875-12-21
A COFFIN TRADE.

SOkkhN AhsAOL.
Mr.. Phipps, one OF the firm of Phippl
a Hodge. the Danbury undertakers
was sitting in his shop, Saturday after
noon, ruminating gloomily upon the
dull times, when the door opened anc
in came stranger. The visitor was
slim-faced man, dressed in duu-color,
ed suit OF rather tight fitting clothes
He looked clear around the room, care
fully avoiding glance at the under.
taker until the circle was completed.
Then he looked curiously at him, and
said:
''Is the boss IMP"
Eyes, sir. I'm one Of them. Is there
anything can do for you, sir?"
"Well, thatll depend on how we kin
deal, 1 reckon" replied the stranger in
tone of subdued shrewdness. "I have
just had TO shoulder pretty heavy
affliction. My old woman went under
yesterday" He paused aud looked in
terrogatively over the array Of coffins
and caskets.
'Your wife is dead 2" inquired Mr..
Phipps with professional anxiety.
you've hit it square, boss, replied
the stranger with an approving nod.
What time yesterday did the sad
event occur?"
About five p. m, as near rs we kin
reckon"
"Pass away peacefully"
"Lit out without groan," explained
the bereaved "She'd been sick of
an on for about two years an better.
Not right down sick all that time. but
then 1 don't think she has done q
square days work in two years. It's
been a great expense all through, but
don't complain, howsumever. / came
in to-day to see about fixing her up"
"Ah, yes; you wish to secure burial
case. We have, rs you see, various
kinds. You will want something rath-
er nice, / fancy?" said Mr.. Phipps.
"Well, yes, L want something that
will show considerable grief an sorrer,
but nothing that's going to upset folks,
you know. We are plain people, boss,
an at time like this-with great
affliction shouldered on us-we don't
feel like rileing up the neighbors. IL
it was huskin' bee, now, or a barn
raisin even I'd calculate to make their
eyes prance right around in their heads.
But" and he sighed heavily, ''this is q
hoss OF another color"
"How would this do?" suggested Mr..
Phipps, indicating plain rosewood.
whats the price Of that? You see,
boss, we live over in Baxter Plain. It's
a snall place, an there aint much style.
We don't want to go in too heavy, you
know"
Certainly not, but this is a very
neat looking article"
"Yes." coinoided the widower, cit
does seem as il one needn't feel uneasy
with that coffin in the front room, an
the room full of people.
~ can let you have that for forty
five dollars,
"Jee-ohl 1 couldn't think OF paying
that. F.rty-fve dollars Why, you
kin get a wagon in two colors for that
money. You see, boss, this is q plain
country funeral, an not torch light
procession" feelingly explained the
widower.
How will this do, then" next in
quired the undertaken. hastily point
ing to another article. of common wood
brightly stained.
How much is that?'
"Only eighteen dollars"
Eighteen dollars, hey? Well that's
much more like it. Still, don't it strike
you that eighteen dollars is pretty steep
for these times?"
"Not for an article like that, sir. /
can assure you that such q coffin conld
not have been bought for a cent less
than twenty-five dollars, one year ago."
1T may be cheap, as you say" rum
mated the bereaved, ''yet eighteen dol
lars is a good big pile of money. L
want something nice, OF course, but L
don't want TO lump in so mighty heavy
as to make people think / never had a
funeral before. You get what mean. "
"Oh, yes, perfectly. You want an
article that will look respectable and in
keeping with your circumstances, but
yet you do not wish to be so demon
strative in your sorrow?"
"By jinks, 1 guess you have got it
square on the head" said the pleased
sufferer.
"Now this is an article that just ans
wers the purpose, in my judgement,
and / have had years Of experience"
"Yes, yes. you must have tucked in
heap OF EN-" said the stranger in
tone of unqualified respect. "rhis is
a sound one, suppose" he continued.
tapping the sides.
Perfectly so; we use the very best
kind of wood" explained Mr.. Phipps.
Just see here minute" exclaimed
the stranger, suddenly aud impress
lively drawing the undertaken to one
side. You saw that coffin is as sound
as nut, an you want eighteen dollars
for il? Now, want you to understand
there amt anything small about me, an
that I've got just as much respect for
the dead as any other man living, i
don't care where you snake him from.
But winter Is coming on, you know,
an we owe little to the living as well.
That's a sound coffin, an q sound cof-
fin does well enough in the right place,
you know: but / want 10 ask you as n
man of experience in these things, an
understanding what grief is, II you
hain't got n box of that pattern that's
got some sort OF defect in the wood,
which you corld knock off little on?'
"I haven't SIR"
"Just think a mint, please" he anxi-
ously resumed. Nothing little rot
ted?"
The undertaken shook his head.
with a worm hole or so in-I don't
mind dozen?" suggested the sorrow
ing one.
mo"
"Or little sappy Don't answer
too. Take time. Just a little sappy
where it wouldn't be seen by the public
you know
"I haven't such piece OF wood in
the establishment. We use none that
is imperfect"
Eighteen dollars it is then1" sighed
the afflicted.
Eyes, sir"
"I must take il, suppose" he OBJ
served, but when the neighbors see
that coffin, they will swear that old
J. has struck a gold mine. Now
mark my words" And he passed
gloomily out [Danbury News.