The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-07-01
Mark TWain's Plotting.

q
steamboat days of st. Louis, when captains,
clerks and pilots ran the town, and ran it un-
der full head of steam, an ancient mariner
let up on whiting the arm OF the next char,
turned toward us, and remarked: You was
speaking OF the old river days? % "We Was" I
replied Perhaps, now, you have been reading
some of Sam Clemens yarns p l held up
COPY Of the AMuat;c, open at Mark Iwain's ar
ticle. which had really brought about the con-
versation. eyes, thought so well, he don't
tell all he knows" said the social riverman,
reaching over for a tobacco pouch gentleman
was passing to friend. "There's one little
affair he 'aint worked into print yet and 1t
'aint likely he will"
The social quit off Oh his reminiscence at
this point and talked generally about the bad
outlook Of the crops and the universal dis
advantage of dryness. Seeing that nothing
but riu and sugar would start him anew, he
was persuaded into the convenient bar-room,
and after hosting in three fingers (held vertl-
calIy), a handful of crackers and several chunks
of cheese. he proceeded with his arecdote, in
terrupting himself number Of times to re-
mark to the bar keeper, "the same, pard."
IT was first engineer of the Alexander Scott
when Sam Clemens (NIark Twain) was cub in
her pilot house. He was clipper young chap
with legs no bigger'n a casting line and fuller
of tricks than a mule colt. lie worked OFT
Jokes on everybody aboard from skipper down
to the roosters (darky deck hands,, but they
we're all taken in good part, only | lay by two
or three to pay back. About the time Sam got
the run of the river enough to stand alone st
the wheel, the Scott went into the lower river
trade, carrying cotton from Memphis to New
Orleans. Perhaps, now, you never see boat
in the cotton trade burn? Well you may cov-
er your cotton from stem to stern with tarpau-
lins, and keep your donkey engine steamed up,
but if a spark of fire touches cotton, enough
to fill tooth, your boats corpse. It's quick
erin gunpowder to burn, and no pilot can
reach the lower deck from the texas in time to
save himself, let alone his Saratoga. So, you
see everybody in that trade is On the watch,
and an alarm of fire in boat loaded with
cotton will turn a mans hair gray quick
erin an alligator can swaller nlgger.
Sam, being young pilot and new to the cotton
trade, was told over and over again how the
profession would lose q promising cub if ever
a fire broke out on the Scott, and the boy got
nervous. MY striker and me always managed
to be in the lunch room when Sam came oil
watch, and as he came in we would talk about
the number of cotton boats that burnt in such
wear, and how such cub would have made
a lightning pilot if he hadn't got burnt up, IN
the cotton trade, and we always noticed that
Sans appetite failed him after that, and in
stead of going to bed he would 60 prowling
around the lower deck and peering about the
hatchways, smelling at every opening like
pup that had its master. One day when we
backed out of Memphis with big cargo OF
cotton, complained, in Sans hearing, that
the mate had loaded the boat too near the en-
gines. The boy followed me into the engine
room, and, without seeming to notice him, L
told nv striker would do my level best to
keep that cotton from catching fire, but that it
was a glim chance with bales piled right up
before the furnace doors. Sam got whlter'n a
bulkhead, and went up to the texas, where he
pecked his Saratoga ready for any buslnes that
might come before the meeting. When ne
went on watch l posted the second clerk to
keep an eye on him. He hid behind smoke
stack and saw Sam alone in the pilot house;
his hair on end, his face like corpse's, and
his eyes sticking out so far you could have
knocked them off with a stick. He danced
around the pilot house, turned up his nose like
he was smelling for a polecat, pulled every
bell, turned the boats nose for the bank, and
yelled "ire p' like Cherokee Indian on the
war path. That yell brought everybody on
deck. We had big cargo of passengers, and
the women screeched, the men rushed for cork
pillows, and the crew yanked the doors of their
hinges and rushed to tho guards ready to 60
overheard at the first moderation OF weather.
The skipper had hard work to make the crazy
passengers believe that there wasn't any fire,
but he brought them to reason finally. paid
no attention to Sans frantic yells, so the boat
didn't run her muzzle against the bank he
aimed for. The captain and first pilot and a
lot of passengers, after hunting all over the
boat, couldn't find sign of fire anywhere out
side the furnaces, and then they went for Sam.
He sworc up and down that he smelt cotton
burning; no use talking to hne-hc knew the
smell Of burning cotton, and by thunder! he
tnd s,,cIt it. Ihc first pilot said kind of soft
and @i.yiusIv 10 sam: "NIy boy, if you'd told
me YOU was so near the jim,jams Ia stood
double watch for you. Now you go and soak
YOUR head in bucket of water and take good
Sleep and you'll be all right by tomorrow"
Sam Just billed over at this, and when pretty
young woman passenger said to the skipper,
loud enough for Sam to hear, so young and
nice looking, too-how sad it would make his
poor mother feel to hear how he drinks" he
fairly frothcd at the mouth. You never see a
fellow so toned down as Sam was after that,
and though the boys never quit running him ne
never talked back, but looked kind of puzzled
AS though he was trying to account tor that
smell of cotton smoke
"And what .cas the cause Of the smell u
asked mine Ancient. He chuckled a full min
ute and then said: "You see there's a speak
ing-tubc running from the engine rooTl to the
pilot house I had in mind the tricks Sam had
played on me, and having worked HIN to a
nervous state about fire, waited till he was
alone in the pilot house, and then set fire to a
little wod of cotton, stuffed it into the speak
ing-tube, and the smell came out right under
his nose. A little sugar in it, pard"
WHEN NOT TO LAUGH.-Unless we would
be set down as vulgar, don't laugh at peoples
mistakes or misfortunes. There's time to
laugh but when your schoolmate has slipped
lo.1,, ~, tl,o loo and is hlrt nnrhans OR hY