Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-10-29
FOrtIbIe EhIry.
From the Burlington Hawk Eye.


1t happened out on South hill, nine thous-
and miles from Maple street. The man said
if We located it anywhere near Maple street
he'd cut our lungs out, and although we
dearly love the truth we love our life more,
and have therefore violated the truth at least
seventy-fve times in locating this item, in
order TO save our life, which is dear to a
community that We love to serve. Well
the mans wife had taken up the carpet in
the bathroom the day l-fore, and put all the
crooked tacks in a saucer and put it on a
chair. 1t Is marvellous thing why women
will always save tacks that como out of the
carpet, although it is n matter of record that
out of the countless millions of tacks thus
laid by, not one was ever used again save
in the soles of the bare masculine feet. They,
the tacks, not the feet, are slowed away in
saucers up on high shelves, in dark closets,
and in all soIts of fout-of-the-way and unheard
of places. And on these dusty perches they
remain until the corroling hand of time, and
dust, and spider webs, and dead flies and
fakes of white wash, and old bits of rosin,
and chunks of sealingwax, and old steel pens,
and similar accumulations, have filled the
saucer to oyeraowimg, when it is taken
down and thrown away by the woman, who
petulantly wonders who under the sun put
all that trash in the saucer and stuck il up
there. And nine times out of ten she charges
the crime on her husband. The tenth time
she declares it was the hired girl And al
ways, before the saucer OF crooked tacks is
slowed away on the shelf. it is stuck around
for three or four days on chairs and in cor
nT tho gr.fllsn.,
tacks on the carpet of every bedroom in the
house which fill the masculine soles with
agony, and darken the air of the bedroom
with inartistic but forcisle profanity
Nothing is 50 painful as crooked tack in
the middle of ones foot \ broken heart
doesn't hold half 50 much anguish, and a
boil is blessing in comparison.
This man who lives so far from Maple
street had splendid bath, and when he had
rubbed his SKIN into glow with crash
towel as rough as a pigs back, he gathered
his socks, and backing up to the only chair
in the room, sat down to put them on.
Every tack in that saucer saw him coming
down.
Every last tack smiled in anticipation of
the denouement and stood On its head and
reached for him.
Every last solitary individual and colec-
tive tack fetched him, got him and held to
him.
He dropped his socks and rose from that
chair with an abruptne,s that knocked his
head against the ceiling. lie came down
and waited wildly round and round the
room, shrieking and yelling, gyrating madly
with his arms, while hi- eyes stuck out 50
far they hung down He howled until the
neighbors besiegei the house, vet he wouldn't
let any Of them in At last his wells died
away, bat they could hear hi+ breath hiss
between his set teeth, while at short inter
yals would come yell, supplemented by
the remark, There's another out" In
about three-q qaarters Of an hour the yells
ceased entirely, the window was opened and
Il shower Of tacks fell over the assembled and
wondering multitude, while large saucer
across the street and smashed
against the side of house opposite.
Nobody knows what ais the man, for he
will not tell any one thing about it, Bat
he takes his meals of the maniel- piece all
the same, and when he sits he sits down On
his hip. i,r all the world As though he wore
a TIED hsrS Bat he doesn't It's
tackled back that ails him.