The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-01-21
GOSSIP.


fpr thaps the good old style:
But Oh, mans confidence In man,
Makes countless thousands smile.
A London journal recently announced
"a Sunday evening discourse for adj
yanced tinkers.n
You look as II you were beside your
SELF, sad wag to fellow who stood by
the side Of an ass.
By an Irishman. Why is storm,
when it's clearing up, like castigation
Sure IAN amt it batting"
There's a scholma'am in this county
who let's her best behaved scholars chew
her gum little while.
Miss Cordula is SO modest that she
covers her bird cage every morning be-
fore performing her ablutions.
A suspicious young lady said to her
lover, IL have no doubt you peddle out
my kisses among other young ladies'"
A rude fellow once told Barnum that
he had never exhibited anything that
was not a bare-faced humbug. "Yes, l
have," said gBarnum, ''the bearded lady
wasn't bare-faced."
A old lady from one of the rural dis
tricts astonished clerk in one of the
stores few days ago by inquiring if he
had any "yaller developments, sich as
they did up letters in."s
A client remarked to his solicitor,
"You are writing my bill on very rough
paper, SIR" "Never mind" was the re-
ply OF the latter, sit has to be filed before
1t comes into court"
me~ "Yes." "And papa?' "Yes."
"And Aunt Fannie?'' "Certainly.n
"And Cousin FrankieH-oh, no, Cousin
Frankie came from Philadelphia" said
the little innocent.
81 tell you what" 8 id widoyer one
night, as he finished washing the dishes,
''it's mighty solemn thing to think
that Maria Jane is down in the cold
ground, instead of being around to ehurn
and cut wood and sich. !"
81 can not imagine" said Alderman
H., "Why, my whiskers should turn
gray SO much quicker than the hair on
my head" "Because you have worked
SO much more with your jaws than with
your brains," observed wag.
The Georgia negro has no more faith in
banks. He lays his money out in store
clothes and hair oil, and the news of a
bank suspension causes him 10 eXclaim :
"Bust away wild ye, but you can't hurt
desc lavender pantsw
II Will and bequeath," said Pat, "to my
beloved wife Bridget all my property
without reserve, to my oldest son Pat
rick one-half OF the remainder, and to
Dennis, my youngest son, the rest. If
anything is left, it may go to Terence
UCarty, in sweet Ireland"
A " estern stump-orator in the course
of one Of his speeches remarked, Seen
Liemen, il the Por-sy fix Ocean wor an
inkstand, and the hull clouded canopy of
heaven and the level ground of our
yearth wor q sheet of paper, couldn't
begin to write my love of my country
onto it,"
There Is no accounting for tastes. A
| tramp, calling at the station house for
| lodgings, had in one pocket some bread
and meat which he had tished out of q
| swill barrel, and in the other was a bot
tie of cologne. 1t isn't every fellow in
| like circumstances who can keep up his
stock OF periulnery; but always where
| there's will there's way.
A stronsminded woman, in referring
to "rhe Etfeminate Man." in lecture,
said: He Is like weak poultice: like a
cross between root beer and ginger Don
with the cork left out; like kitten in
pantalettes; like a sick monkey with il
blonde moastache. He goes through life
on tiptoes, and dies like cologne water
split on the ground.'
A jury in North Carolina, after being
.schaiged" in the usual way by his honor,
retired, when white juror ventured to
ask Il colored associate If he understood
the charge of the Judge. "Go.ly!' e3.
claimed the astonished amendment, 'she
doesn't charge us muffin for dat. does he !
Why, ! thoaght we was gwine to glt
pay"
One of the German clothing dealers in
Belfast. Maine, recently sold a man q
pair OF boots. A few days afterwards s
the man returned with them, and said
he went out into the barnyard to work
where it was a little wet, and the soles
came OIL. "NeRe, meme! mine friend,
you didn't ought to walk round init dem.
Dey ish cavalry boots, made to ride
nit"
Little Billy was very cross and tired
the other night, and he wanted his faith
er to take him on his knee, but father
was tired, or pretended to be. 81 want
you to hold me on your knee" he whin-
ed. II tell you can not do it; l am
tired" replied the father impatiently.
"Tiredl You wasn't very tred last
night, when you held Mary on your knee
The widoWer's grief has been pro-
nounced by competent authority to be
lovely while 1t lasts, but it is not con-
structed to endure the rude assaults
OF time. A connecticut man who only
last spring threw himself upon the cold
turf that wrapped his beloveQs clay,
and wept till his eyelashes fell out, has
since had three women following him
around for alimony.
Here Is q poet who says: s'rm sit
ting sadly ON the strand; that stretches
to the waters brink; and as the day
slips slowly by; idly fold my hands
and think" Whilst he is sitting on the
strand with idly folded hands his fami-
ly at home may be suffering for the nec-
essaries of life. He should skirmish
around before the day slips slowly by,
and secure ajob at digging a cellar.
"Suppose you were to see the sun ris-
ing in the middle of the night, what
would you call thasss said a teacher to
plowboy, whom she was examining on
s.miracles.o "The mune, please, sir."
'eBut-suppese you knew it was not the
moon hut the sun, and that you actually
saw ic In the middle of the night, what
should you Think" ssPlease, sir, /
should think it was time to get up!"
A story is told of negro in Virginia
whose master threatened TO give him a
flogging if he boiled his eggs hard again.
Next morning the eggs came to the ta-
BILE still harder than before. "You ras-
Eealp shouted the enraged planter:
"didn't l tell you to cook. these eggs
sottW eyes, massa," said the fright
ened slave, sam got up at 2 O'Clock dis
m orniu3 an, hi1pd dan, fiyn hnurc ou, ~