The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-03-06
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
HER REAsOS.-Why did she turn her back OF
you, young mani Innocent child She wished
20 make an exhibition Of her new oyerskirt.
Nor LADY-LTkE-A Dubuaue girl took laud
anum because her lover said il was not lady-likc
for her 70 kick his hat of as they stood at the
gate
Z p SEEKING A DVoRcE--It seems hard 10 see az
Endianapolis woman OF sixty-6ve seeking q divorces
because her husband Wo1ldn't let her wear a red
dress % camp-meeting-
I TEE NExr.-rhe strongest propensity In vo-
men's nature, says = careful student OF The ser, Il
TO want 70 know what 10 going on, aud the next
strongest is 10 boss the job.
Nor ATEAID.-A young man says that the pref
test girl IN town wears blue-tOp stockings, and
she Is not afraid 10 show them. lie saw them
hanging on a line IN the backyard
1.-THE other day a Binghampton girl offered
10 let a countryman kiss her for i've cents. "I
gad," exclaimed the bucolic youth, 80 that's darn
cheap u a feller only had the money"
AyRAD.-A lady wants to know what is the
meaning Of " ante and " pass the buck" Her
matrimonial companion uses it in his dreams, and
che is afraid it indicates typhoid fever!
ALREADY CUT.-Marble men now make mail
tombstOnes by the quantity, with the epitaph
already cut, Didn't know it was loaded" They
AE1Fc - oAAIA ADE huG uAmt anu age
Coon GROUSDs.-A divorce case has been insti-
tuted by a Chicago wife who complains that her
husband insists upon drinking cheap whisky and
eating raw onions just before bedtime.
Or CoUEsE.-A Missouri woman. who applied
for n situation a. ear-driver, being asked II she
could manage mules, scornfully replied " OF
course | can. I've had two husbands 2"
GrGoLISe.-Said a Missouri preacher: There's
a powerful sight Of giggling back thar in the
corner, and it's got TO be stopped, or the Lord will
delegate me to open the door and throw some one
out - IL was stopped.
A KIND HusRAND.-An Indiana man bet SO
that he would ride the Gy-wheel in n saw-mill,
and as his widow paid the bet she remarked.
az William was a kind husband, but he didn't
know much about fy-wheels."
COULDN'T TELL.-A teetotaller asked Pat, the
other day, IL he ever saw a teetotaller drunk.
seen many a man drunk but / couldn't tell whether
he was q teetOtaller or not"
SHEEr Music IN CHURcHEs.-Rev. Mr.. Candor
Of, Philadelphia, announces, /" Let US continue
our worship by listening to a piece OF sheet music
performed by the operatic quartet, who have been
secured regardless Of expense"
THErR CALcuLArIoS.-The Turks have calcutta
ted that, within two hundred years more, they
will have conquered the world. This statement
Is made in all seriousness, In an Arabic newspaper,
which i Published under Turkish surveillance.
No notwithstanding to a Cincinnati paper,
John Thomas was recently sued by Hester Prim
for breach Of promise. John Thomas, come
into court 2" shouted the constable. "John
Thomas needn't come in TO court me any more"
said Hester Primly-
Musr BE- Why do they call the people who
live in the South Sea Islands 'eannibals p u asked
an old lady Of a sailor. Because they live on
other people" answered the sailor. Then my
son-in-aw must be a eannibal,' said she, pen
siycly, " for he lives on me-"
He Du1 Nor CO. Wife " said the victim Of
n Jealous rib, one day, " / intend to 90 10 the
camP-neoting on Tuesday evening, to see the camp
STTI 20, i'll see 6t.' you'll see ITS if you CO."
He did not go-probably on account Of the
rain.
FrSArLY-Madame RistOri has finally secured
the upper hand Of the English language, for, If
We are TO credit rumOr, she recently rang her
bell as a hotel and ordered as follows Waiter,
YOU Will bring up me n beef Of steak, and boiled
fried potatoes with coffee and 1t IL not necessity
for milk as ! eat IL not
RETUsED.-An Illinois county clerk refused to
issue n marriage license because the man was
only four feet high, while the woman was SIX.
He said be knew something about domestic life
yxitb the proportious reversed, and could not assist
n fellow man To q buy into q lottery when the
odds were 30 f~carfully against him"
GoEs MO CONvULsONs.-When the Duchess
NJ Edinburgh wants to talk nieeyticey to her
how baby all she has to say, And was 1t ITS
own muzzy's blessed little Albert Alexander
Alfred Ernest William - And then that over
burdeued infant goes into corvulsiOns that would
twist the backbone right out Of n plebeian baby.
HIS GUEss-A grocer in Detroit keeps " lit
lie brown Jug" near his cider barrel, and when
be wants 10 do the fair thing by n customer he
mingIes some Of the contents Of the aforesaid jug
with the cider. He made a mingle for an old
farmer, but got in a great deal Of whisky and
verv little cider. About an hour after drinking,
the farmer was observed leaning against a fence,
and was heard to sOlilOquize Its too late for
sunstrokes and too early to freeze to death, and L
guess it's a touch Of the shakin' ager."
Az INDIGNANT BoY.-A bOOtblack was stand
inc near the foot Of Jefferson avenue, says the
Detroit Free Press, when q stranger inquired,
IS Bub. il il very fur from here to the post-of6ce7"
The bow look at him in contempt, and the man
asked. - Saw, bub, is il fur to the City Hal?"
The bows look of disgust increased, but be kept
silent. and the nan raised his voice and shouted,
You boys il fur to the City Hallf" Fur
fur 20 the City Hall! 90 echoed the boy: elf you
want me to talk to you, you'd better use decent
grammar OF say you never went 70 sohooi u
all :"