Knoxville journal. [volume] (Knoxville, Iowa) 1874-1986, 1875-10-28
In q Bsrber.Shop.

| flowing locks 10 the scissors, my scalp 10
the fiery shampoo, and my chin 20 the
harvesting steel He, therefore, congrat-
ulaies his secret soul and proceeds 20 do
| with me after the manner OF his kind.
To all Of which / solemnly assent.
He FIRST cuts my hair. That is 10 say,
he combs II over my eyes and leaves 1t in
that position. Then, with slow rake OF
his toothed instrument he fetches ii over
either ear, careless that the Aforesaid ear
projects some sufficient distance from the
skull. 1t cheers me in this moment OF
awful uncertainty, when the comb is de-
Iiberately descending, TO reflect that II /
were indeed an ass he would give the
matter more attention. The back OF my
head he also burrows in order, presume,
TO SOW "Tonic'' in il by and by.
Then he clips and chatters and grace
fully waves his particular customers 10 his
especial friends among his fellow artists
and clips and ships my ear, and begs a
mechanical pardon OF two; and jerks his
head ON one side, and clips and pushes
me forward and pushes me back; and re-
spends afiIrmatively when tell him only
| 10 take the ends off Of IL; and clips and
says that will be all right; and drives the
cold steel on its triumphant way over my
| forehead and around the outer boundaries
| Of that wig which Is the serene result OF
| his cuts, crosscuts, shinglings and shear
| iHgs. Nay, he would even shave the
back Of my neck did permit him SO 70
| do.
And now he pours upon my devoted
| head an amounting which 10 like that of
! Aaron. II runs down 10 my beard and II
would 90 To the skirts Of my calico bib IL
I, il had anything like the proper success.
| As IL is, / open the corner Of an eye In
order W expostulaie and laya-stream Of
| borax and ammonia plunges into the
crecasse. How that eye smaTts and stingsl
Meanwhile the ten fingers Of Monsignor
| are busy v It'll my occiput and sinciput.
| He trayerses every bump and .s especial
| ly severe with frmness, beDeyolence and
| selfesteem He plows back and forth up
| on the moral faculties with an occasional
| excursion across philoprogenitiyeness.
notice with pain that he does not rouse
| the dormant energies OF combatiyeness or
| degtructiyeness neither does he NEEDLE
| with form, color, order, number or size.
Like unto all my fellow-men, | suffer
these indlgnities, nodding back and forth,
my head one mass Of whip-lather, utterly
dcfenselcss and solaced only by an acct
| dental touch or two which Is softer than
| the rest. As / have mentioned dand ruff
| TO him, he considers that suggestion the
cue for renewed energy and more des-
| perate cxerti0n.
AT length he raises my hair" literal
ly. A cloud-capped tower of royal Egyp-
| tjan shampoo ascends upon my skull,
! twirlcd 10 peak by those dexterous fin.
gers. And l. with closed eyes, follow
stumbling across the room. No one
laughs at me; for they all know how IL Is
| themselves. But 10 the inhabitant OF an
| other world 1t would be awfully funny
Now, the water Is either too hot or too
cold II is never just right. Ii rains
upon me and runs down The back of my
neck; 10 prevent which | am damned
lower and lower into the basin. Half
strangle6 and with lurking sense that
every particular hair IL now sore at the
root, j rise up, and, bcholding men as
| trees walking, go back to my station.
Ny friend presses both f0refngcrs into
| the balls of my eyes, he works the towel
with Which he IL armed into the remotest
recesses OF the drums Of my ears, and by
an indescribable circular motion he fol-
| lows this last process with wipe across
my face. Mechanically he conveys each
possible unclean particle from the nape of
my neck and the back of my car around
10 my nose, and then regularly adjourns
| the movement.
II has now become time for the razor.
This, being duly selected from we'll
worn and dirty heap, Is rushed with a
whish and a hish back and forth upon
some extremely suspicious canvas and
across some equally doubtful leather. My
friend the barber Is by no means neo-
phyte, as IL were. He tips me back until
my nose is like the petal of a flower, and
then he fathers me TO his liking. During
this procedure he frequently finds Ii nee.
essary 10 talk 70 some familiar or 10 hold
counsel with the "boss," while the lather
dries In to the required consistency.
| |, happens on the present occasion that
bthe razor is villainously dull. After two
or three efforts, in the course of which
dare not call my soul my own, he gra-
ciously inquiries "if 1t pulls" | remark
that perhaps IL does. lie selects another
instrument Of torture, less obdurate ofedge,
and we progress with more satisfaction to
| all concerned.
/ make no account Of all the sharp cor.
ners, crooked defiles, capes, promontories,
timber-land, or open country around or
over which be travels. lie is fairly
experienced person and have no great
fault 10 find. True, he hicks place under
my chin and he scoops out certain hairs
from two days beneath the surface but in
this he IL not exceptional.
The finishing touches command pro-
found admiration. makeno suggestions,
and simply and severely commit him to his
own devices. Hence, a. 10 my hair, he
applies " Tonic" which strikes like LIQUID
fire upon all capillaries and abrsded sur
faces. To this he adds /" Pomalumn (of
which stand In reverent awe, ny an UNI
known substance), and, should ] stay his
lavish hand, he spreads the residue thereof
| upon his own ambrosial ringlets.
take no heed Of his remark, made In
the interest of the Universal Hair Re-
storer." that the top Of my head Is but
sparsely provided with what ought to
grow there. awake from a reverie in
which behold myself with high part
10 my front hair and waved lock plas.
tered low down upon my marble brow, in
time 20 catch his inquiry II he shall put
cosmetiquc on EN- With him il Is a
| word and dab Some eccentric mass of
lard and perfume Is smeared upon my
mustache; an extra allowance il appro-
| priated 10 either extremity A couple of
twirls q Ia Louis Napoleon--and the trick
| IN performed.