The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1875-05-01

! Retiring early at night will surely
shorten mans days. f9l87f-
When man bows to circumstances
he is forced to be polite. r-frlr
The only way young lady could
spell "molten" recently, was -M,o.u-l-
4 ton. slf -rrr,. .. .f. D..
| Many editors are of such peaceful
nature that they will not put head.
on their editorials. ...... -.,I..
A close observer says that the words
which ladies are fondest of are the first
and last words.
81 wish was pudding, mammal"
"Why?" "Cause l should have such
lots Of sugar put into me-"
A bright boy recently told his teach
er there were three sects; the male sect,
the female sect, and the insects.
A baby in Milwaukee, Wis.,, has been
clristened Zero" in honor OF the cold
Sunday upon which he was born.
Why are the days in summer longer
than the days In winter? Because it is
hotter in summer, and heat expands.
A Chicago deputy Sheriff was refused
free admission to a Chicago theatre. By
way of revenge he impanelled the man
ager on petit jury. 'oh ssF la.''
! The spelling schools that are spread
ing all over Ohio are said to have dem
onstrated the fact that woman can
spell five times better than man. 'lgs7
Pleasant-faced people are generally
the most welcome, but the auctioneer'
is always pleased to see man whose
countenauce is for biddingg 8sieta E
A printer, hard Of hearing, at SPELL
ing match the other evening asked the
Captain to s'Write the darned word
down SO fellow can tell what It's. )" 'n
She's q regular coquette, is Miss Pa
cifc Mail. Do you notice how she jilts
her first love for her second, and don't
consult Pa.na'" Ma on the subject, eth
er? na .''l"rJ +i+ 81 p -i a11 s91i,
A handkerchief of William Penn is
to be on exhibition at the Centennial,
and curious correspondent writes to
ask if it is the original Penn wiper
Mail 9'i b'Fss iif 4F u. Va.
A printer out West, whose Office is
two miles from any other building, and
who hangs his sign on the limb of
tree, advertises for a boy. He says,
"a boy from the country preferred"
Two Irishmen travelling on the Balti-
more and Ohio railroad track, came to
mile post when one of them said:
'"Tread aisy, Pat; here lies a man 1OS
years old his name was Miles from
Baltimore" 0
First class in geography = GLOW
many statesin the Union?'' ''The books
say thirty-seven, but the newspapers
have it thirty-nine." The newspapers
are ahead as usual, my son. Go to the
head"
Mrs. Evarts said to Mr.. Evarts yester-
day morning: "Get up and open the
hampers, William" and Mr.. Evarts
said absently, turning over for another
nap, "Your honor will please note my
exception
An Irishman with heavy bundle on
his shoulder, riding on the front of a
horse-car was asked why he did not set
his bundle. on the platform. He re-
piled: "Be jabbers, the horses have
enough to drag me. rllcarry the bun
dle." '.A H.aI
Blifkins was down in Chicago the
other day when hereceiveda letter from
his young wife, saying to him that "on
this lovely spring morning bird is sing.
ing in my heart" and OLD Bllf, Just
looked wild minute and then took
freight train for home, muttering to
himself, "Them's Beecher's sen ntiments,
old man keep yer eye peeled.'
The San Antonla (Texas). Herald
gives the following notice to its subscrl-
bers; Hereafter we shall publish list
of the names of those who go fishing
on the Lords day and fail to send us a
string of trout. Perch and suckers have
too many bones in them to allow us to
forget that the moral element of our
population look to the press to eradicate,
this growing desecration of the Sab
bath"
Five cents fare for that child,
madam" said street car conductor, as
he opened the door and put his head
into the car. ''Yery well, she replied,
feeling in her pocket; "this isan orphan
child, and Pm its guardian. must
havea receipt for all moneys paid out,
and as soon as you write one I'll drop
a nickel In the box" lie Shut the door
and leaned over the brake like man ,