The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-02-24
THE LIFE INSURANCE AGENT.
By MAX ADELER.

Ny life insurance agent, Benjamin P. Gunn
to whom have alluded at length in my book
| is still around, and he is still engaged in
canvasssing actively for his company. A day
or two ago he dropped Ia to persuade MI. Pit
man to take out policy, and the following
conversation ensued
Gunn--.t called -n
Pitman-"o GET Our ! don't want TO be
bored about life insurance. =
Gum" lust dropped in to see il ---''
Pitman-"I know you did, and don't
want any. You can't insure me-"
Gum" If You will merely permit me to
ex-r
Pitman--" But won't permit you. Skip |
this is thesixteenth time you've tackled me,
and I'm sick of it. l amt a-going to insure
my life. That's settled"
Gunn-'s You misundel island me, Judge
| called to ascertain if you are member Of
the Peace Society
Pitman--" am
Gunn--'I thought so. And of course you
are willing to help along any scheme which
will put an end to war and murder.'
Pitman--" Certainly
Gunn--'sW Well, then just listen to me. am
acting in behalf of your Society. l have on
hand magnificent plan for producing perma-
nent peace on earth and making armies USE
less. Why dad Cain kill Able 20
Putnam dunno.'
Gum" Because he had no particular in
terest in keeping him alive. That's the reas-.
on. Why did David kill Goliah9 Why did
the Romans butcher the Carthagenians Why
did the Modocs kill General Canbyp Why
did old what's-hs-name burn Ridley and La
timer at the stake?"
Pitman--" Hanged Il know"
Gum" Why because 1t vast money in
the pockets of any of those fellows to have
the other chaps walking around enjoying life.
Do you suppose Brutus would stabbed
Cesar if Cnsar's death would kept Brutus
hard up for market money? Not much, he
wouldn't. Do you believe Wise would hung
old John Brown If Johns death would acaus-
ed Wise to borrow to buy boots?n
Pitman--" Maybe he wouldn't
Gum" Well, then, look here. Suppose
you was policy holder in a Mutual Life In
surance Company !; wouldn't it reduce your
dividends if you was to kill another member,
and wouldn't you do your terrific best to keep
that member alive 20
Pitman-" Strikes me wonld.n
Gunn---" OF course. Now, what am aim
ing at is to gather the entire civilized earth
the whole human family--into our company,
SOS that all hands will be perfectly wild to
keep everybody else alive. When this is done
you cal beat sword into spears and your plow-
shares into pruning hooks, for there'l be no
for patry commission or two. 1t is a labor
of love. Pm trying to elevate the race and
promote Christian civilization
Pitman-"I 1t never struck me that way"
Gum" Anyhow, it's SO. And I ask you,
as a member of the Peace Society, to enroll
this great work. Terms as low as any other
company, and dividends payable semi-annual-
ly Unborn generations will rise up aud call
you blessed. We make our policies payable
at any age, or will put in the Tontine /; and
you'll dry up the widows tears and hush the
cry of the orphan. Go in for five thousand
dollar policy and assure you that the glad
hosannahs of the white robed angel of Peace
will once more resound from the starry vault
of heaven, and over the smiling earth the
songs of love will still the clangor of the war;
horse and the boom of cannon, and man once
more viii know the I, licity Of Paradise. Lem
me see /; how old are you? y
Pitman--" I'm forty-four in February
Put me down for five thousand, payable at
sixty years of age. Call in the morning, with
the papers, and IN sign EN-"
Gunn--.Good lay. I'm off. I've got an
engagement with Cooley at II, and I'm any
ious to keep it. I've haunted him for two
years now, and he has succumbed -Danbury
Noos.
> .--sOs---> ----
TEACH CHILDREN THEIR NAMEs.-The