The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-09-21
Cocktails and Currency.

house, Chicago. bade the attendant bar
keeper mix MIN whisky cocktail While
the bar keeper was compoundiug the liq.
uor, syrup, bitters, ice and water, in due
proportion he remarked, "You're Senator
Kelley, amt you7" II am, bui don't be
afraid young mab. don't be afraid" siFs
bly, replied the grest statesman, u
thoughi you vas, ssii the artist IN iiq
uors' Il hesrd you make bully .psoch
last night, up 10 McCormics's nall Was
that ell true you told US about them
bonds and more greenoacks and tina, 9th.
er sheDanigan, CHI" True" said the
apostle of inhation of course it was true.
| am q man Of principle. young man, q
man Of strict principle" "Keerect," re.
piled the bar keeper, as he poured the
completed cocktail in an amber arch into
a glass, and filed tumbler with water.
Mr. Kelley tasted the beverage. "Soe
here, johnny he said, "thst cocktail
doesn't rise and take me by tho throat so
much as it should /; want it to be all to
me that the name implies. just make ii
stronger, and give it to me in bigger
glass, will you7
The bar keeper promptly transferred
the contents into water tumbler, and ad.
ded about twice their quantity of water
Mr.. Kelley observed somewhat testify
"Hello Hello What are you doing
eh? Iwant bigger drink, more of 0
cocktail, you know"
The bar keeper smiled apologetically
and begging Dir. Kelley's pardon, emp
tied the diluted coaktail into wciss.becr
glass, which ho brimmed with water
There was an ocean of fluid family tingod
with pinkish amber, tie surface oil
which Coated shred of lemon peel. The
bar keeper pushed the glass over to biz
customer and affably resting both hands
on the counter. asked him how that suited
him.
Mr.. Kelley first rubbed his eyes and
then pincbed himself to be sure that he
was himself and awake then lowered hi,
spectacles and inspected the bar keeper
narrowly. Young man" he said at last
in his most solemn tones, "do you cal
that cocktail 2"
DO | call that cocktail 2" be replied
pityiugly what in blazes do you call
it? That's the best cocktail the world
ever saw. There's whisky in it. there;
gum IN it, there's Angostura bitters in it
there's lemon peel in it, there's water il
it, there's ice 10 it. and don't they make
a cocktail ? Besides, it's called cock.
tail, just the same as a dollar is called q
dollar, and don't that make it a cocktail
You can do anything with that cocktail
that you could do with any other cock
tail |! You can drink it, you can pay fol
it; don't that make it as good as any 9th
er cocktail What do you take me for
Haven't l read your speeches ?"
but" gasped Mr.. Kelley. growing
very red in the face, "there's too much
water in it," TOO much water ~ re-
joined tho bar koeper. why, you rnus,
have 80 much water in a cocktail, any
how, mustn't you? You get your whis
Ky like what you financial sharps call 9
reserve, and then you issue your cock
tail on that basis. You sec. you have al
elastic cocktail--a cocktail that adap,s il,
self to the wants Of the customer. II b,
wants q strong drink he don't want mucl
water; If he wants long drink I'll iD
fate his cocktail till its volume equals h
necessities. tell you Two studied NJ
this here financial problem
but, but," stammered Mr.. Kelley
there isn't drop more whisky all th'
while, and every drop of water you ado
weakens and spoils it,,
THAT can't be-" rejoined the bar keep
er. "It's just like 6narce. Whisky
wealth and cocktails currency. If yo'
can expand your currency without any 10
crease of your wealth and do no harm
why can't you initiate this cocktail up t.
bogsbhead full, and let all them bum
mers out 10 the street have good squar
';n -
You don't understand replied Mr
Kelley. "It's different in financial mat
ters. There. there is the relief afiorde'
by my 365 ipter.convert-"
II know it, know it," briskly an
swered tho bar keeper. Il tell you, Nj
Kelley. your heads level. Now, her
is my utter convertible cocktail" Thu
saying, he poured half of the contents o
tho weiss.becr glass into another weiss
beer glass then continued "Now thi
tumbler is the bonds. and this tumbler
the greenbacks. When you want a lon
drink you pour into this tumbler as muc
out of the other one as you want; if 20
want short drink you pour some out {
this tumbler into the other one It's
big thing" Mr. Kelley was in despair
The bar keeper continued;
"You zee want to return 10 wbisk
basis. but | wish to do so without iuiur
to the business interests of tho country
Now, if you will wait till the water evaI
CRATES and leaves the whisky"
Hero Mr. Kelly smoto the counter wit
his cane. Look here" he shouted, Vi
; spite of your expanding the volume
that drink, and humbuggiug me with you
idiotic inter convertible cocktails, on
talking about returning to whisky bl
sis without deranging my interests, don
you SEQ. you bowling ass, that that's ii
same weak, thin, diluted, mawkisb, tast
less, sbOmiDsble slush, all the time.
want an immediate return to whisky T.
sumRtion and no steps backward"
"Keerect, Judge" replied tho bi
keeper, as ho threw the inflated cockta
into the sink, "we'll repudiats this,
they always do" And he mixed anoth'
cocktail on whisky basis But" |
said. "s'pose you hadn't had another !
cents or that all the whisky in the houl
0 had been in that cocktail, wbered yC
D have been, eh p
d. Mr.. Kelly smiled. and invited tho b,
/, keeper to join him The latter eomple
o and took little gin. syrup and bitter
. Mr.. Kelley drank of h's cocktail, pa
i for tho drinks, and taking Glove WI
/ about 10 depart. when an aiterihouRl