The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1875-10-29
SUNBBABiS.
'Tfs sweet 10 visit, b1t ch, how bitter,
10 wait for i girl aud then not g.t neF.

4 Connecticut raviva,ist is named A.
Ripper, and he unsoily say that he Is all
that hi9 name nfiiss.
How's this for na-ae2 Xarxerx C@ain
has been appointed School superintendent
at CaiLuViile, H.
As though there -varn't Smiths enough
already, they have started a "SInith Man
uf;,ct.hing Company" in Connecticut.
There is no u.a trying 10 talk :.hout
PALACES "oy tl.e Lake OF Como" and such
things, TO si.l no TIA, a bod.
AMY letters Tor Nike Hove?" asked an
individual of 4 clerk at Post Office win
dow. No letters for anybody's cow"
4 Stu:nptoyn man. while eating an
oyster stew, b,AsE'.iamed the waiter, and
Immediately afterwards swallowed bad
oyster.
.IIa. go down on your hands and knoos
minute, plaas..'' "Whut on earth shall L
do tllut To-. r,e;.' cause l want to draw
an elephant"
TuIkish t3.ilors are never Teproached for
insists. They have only 70 cut oat two
bags. hitch them together, and the customer
has - first class pair Of trowsers.
you not seek shelter behind the rocks -
-The rocks were too few and had all been
occupied by our officers, Doctor"
"Nevcr mind. sonny Thc rain ma',as
boys grow remarked tra~1n the other
day, when he took SIX un'r.lIa away
from lad in the mi Isl of q rlia-storn.
A Washington eGitor cnarged the Bis
trict of Columbia 100000 for advertising
Will probably offer hi,n the district and
ten dollars to cal. it square.
you've pinned i: back" he cried with
SriCE.
Mich further than you'd orter;
Your front stands ont il bold relief
Ny darter! ON, my d.rter.'
"Wbat kind Of = mau j. Squire Simmons.
anyway p "NaU, ypuv'e seen them snog
storms along early IN Winter, When there's
a good dead of wind and not Inuch sleigh
ingi That's the sort he is.'
"Do laugh a little, my love- sail an Ohio
f'ongre~sman so his wife. who looked as
rerious as .. woman who hal just failed in
IL divorce suit. II am waiting until | read
your speech Oh tinauce,' she quietly re-
Piled.
"Wnat Is ratio?" asked c professor Of
student. who rcul:Hl: Ratio, -; ratio is
proportion.' And what Is proportioul"
"ProporJion, sir; why, pr portion * ratio"
"Aul pray, sir, what ure boh together /"
"Escnse me, sir, L cant answer bat one at
a. Tine
A young gentleman. vrTy cOn~oital and
vain OF hinseif, with face much u;tsl by
the smallpox, w4s not long since addressed
b. 8. friend. who, after .l.uiria,c him for
-. Il D..
into fash;oa, you'l be til, hanIsomest man
l ever put my eyes on
ait il all right enough TO talk about geo.
iogical upheaves. glariGl epochs, and all
them sort ot things said 10 Munsen, of
Idaho. "but when you can do this, stranger
you've got science down 10 Il fine point
And he threw his bowie-kn;fe six rods and
cut off Chinamln's ear.
81 haven't eaten mo,lthful in two days."
said tramp, and my wife and three chill
dren are starving a. home" al would give
you something the philinthropist replied,
"but have nothing smaller than a five
dollar bil.". IL will change it for YOU
said the tramp.
"Sav. mister" said n soiled looking bov
on the wharf do you ever give a piece of
watermelon 10 i poor boy whose fathe1'n
mothers dead, n who goes to sunday
school, n has got sore heel T. The man
was deeply touched, and gave him large
slice off u rotten one.
A little girl went into n reirhbor'S hons,
one day, where some auple-parinrs Law or
plate on the table. After sitting n while
she said. Il smell apples" "Yos." tht
lady replied, 81 guess you smell these
apple-parings on the plate" mo, no.
said she. "taint them l smell; 1 smell
whole app'es.'
A Newburvp0rt man WAS the victim u
singular accident e other night. Will:
passing along the street boy exploded =
common cracker iIst behind him, while a
the same instant rotten banana, thrown
from n neighboring fruif store. struck him
on the back of the head. He at oac.
screamed, "Fm shot! I'm shotp' and
taking a handful Of the decdvetf fruit
from his head. exhibited It 10 q horror
stricken bystander as specimen of hi.
brains.
The death of ex-Govcrnor Weller, NJ
California, revives this aneriote of him
Weller was once unfortunate enough Il
be caught in a shipwrecI Arriving at
San Francisco. he was asked by n svrrpa.
thising friend if he hal lost much. Lost
every thing, sir" said Weller, "ey-arvthi,,
but my reputation" '.Ci,ve.nor." said the
friend. you travel with less baggage than
anyone l ever saw
DR.. Bethune used to tell a good story
about two Scotchmen who came TO thi.
country several years ago. whats the
matter, Andrew, that We seem sac troubled
this morning9" II had fearful dream
IN the nicht." "What did We dreanT, u
dinna Ike to tell Did ye dream va
saw the deill'' "No. il was far waur Ia n
that" "Did ye dream yer mither wa,
daadf' mo, il was far warIr than that
We'll, what did ye dream monP' "Why
dreamed was hame again.
Sir" said a fierce lawyer. "do YOU. on
your solemn oath, swear that this is not
your handwritingi" II reckon not" was
the cool reply. "Does il Resemble your writ.
Ingf' yes, sir, I think It donr" ~Do yor
swear that it don't resemble v,lIr writing3'
well, / do, old heat" lyon take vou1
solemn oath that this writing does not
resemble yours in a single let;eri' .Y-e-es
-ir.' Nov, how do you lnowl'' "'Carrse
l cane write.r
McParis had prepared himself for a
home dinner TO his liking. II, sat down