The Leavenworth weekly times., 1875-08-12
MISCELLANEOUS.

| Abraham was the first sick man. He
had Hagar in the wilderness.
The way for desolate old bachelor to
secure better quarters is to take ''better
| half"
Boys have divers reasons for hookeyinc
from school just now. II you doubt it eX-
anime their hair.
The children in Florida say they live on
sweet potatoes in the summer, and o4l
strangers in the winter.
To Archbishop Whately is ascribed this
paradox: "The larger the iucome the
harder il is to live within it,"
Why does duck 90 under the water ?
For divers reasons. Why does she go on
land For sun-dry reasons.
The Wisconsin farmer who left candle
burning in barn 50 As to scare thieves
away has no barn to watch now.
"Are there any fools in this city ?" asked
a stranger OF newsboy. "No; do you feel
lonesome?' was the reply.
A little wart-backed hop-toad will break
up croquet party quicker than the dark
est thunder cloud that ever gathered.
81 wonder what makes my eyes 80 veal, I"
said fopto 4 gentle man. "They are in a
weak place" responded the latter.
A Landlord, having let all his houses but
one, was asked ii that unlet house was his
last. "IeS, last but not leased" was his
reply.
OnithO-lo-ic. II all birds that sing are
songsters, then are all birds that roost are
roosters; hence all hens are roosters-Com-
meToiGi 1doTtiAer.
''Sir," said an old judge to young law
yer, 'you would do well 10 pluck some Of
the feathers from the wings Of your imagina-
tion and stick them in the tail OF your
Judgment" q
4 bad little boy upon being promised five
cents by his mother if he would take ,iose
Of castor oil, obtained the money, and then
told his parent that she might castor oil
out in the street.
\ young man in California began TO read
paragraph about a mine to his sweetheart
commencing: "Yuba mine'-when she in
terupted him with: 81 don't care ii do,
John"
The only people in these parts whose
habitations have marble front, are those
who are the least given to boasting and
vain display. They occupy the cemetery
grounds.-Br1msvickeg.
The fiddler OF minstrel company ran
away the other day in debt 10 the manager
at which the manager facetiouly declared
that he had engaged the fellow for a fiddler.
bus he had taken the part OF a base violin
ist
An eccentric old fellow, who lives along
side Of a graveyard, was asked if il was not
am unpleasant location. NO" said he,
never iined places in my life with a set of
neighbors that minded their own business
50 stiddy as they do"
"No, gentlemen OF the jury" thundered an
eloquent advocate the other day in 4 Den |
yer Court, "this matter is for his honor TO |
decide, who sits there sleeping 30 beauti- |
fully" His honor opened both ewes and |
mouth, and said: ''All owing to your mar
cotic speech, SIR"
Baseball has demoralized Hartford. |
The careful Clements has bought seat in |
the grand stand; the clergy have season
tickets; and, worse than all, one enthusias-
tic family has removed the cushions from
ts church pews and applied them to al
evlatlng the agony OF a ten-inning game.
An old lady, on hearing that young
friend had lost his place on account OF mis-
ieneanor, exclaimed Miss Demeanor
Lost his place on account of Miss Demeanor?
Well, well. I'm afeared it's too true that
heres allus 4 woman at the bottom of
mans difficulties ~
A Boston editor bushes for the ignorance
If three young girls OF that city who tried
% get their horses held down so that il
,ould drink by unbuckling the crupper.
Probably the same girls who unbuckled the
'reeching strap going down hill, because it
pulled against the poor horse so.
THERE were tears in large, soft, melan-
holy eyes, and her thoughts were far
lway, As she sat ont in the moonlight sing
ng wearily: ''Oh, you'll remember me-"
'ut at the same moment, a woman's head
vas thrust out of the window, and sharp
'oice shrieked: 'If them onions amt put
o soak over night, you'll know it."