The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-05-20
WHOLE NO. 1861.
Miscellaneous.


Vested interest-money in the waist
coat pocket.
When hog roots in snow bank its
nose knows SHOWS.
Why is side-saddle like four-quart
jug? Because it holds a gallon
Cakes of toilet soap and two-doIlar sus-
penders are beginning to reach Nebraska
sufferers.
The saying "Excuse haste and bad
pen" has been attributed to a pig who
ran away from home.
The fellow, who asked for lock of
his girls hair, was informed that it
costs money. hair does
A Frenchman, intending to compli-
ment young lady, by calling her gem
tie lamb, said, "She is one mutton as is
small p
Quilp to (Nrs. Q.)-"Well, how did you
30, perfectly splendid Such loves of
bonnets !"
Don't discuss the testimony with cat
in your lap, or if you will do it, don't get
SO excited as to rub the animals back
the wrong way
Caudle says that his wife, at least,
whatever may be the experience of GEN.
sus-takers with others of her sex, is al
ways ready to tell her rage.
Meat me at the spelling match at
Muesic hall, was the invitation written
| nrOhahlV nv who ctanno6 Il
out on the first round.
The difference between a tale-bearer
and sealingwax is, that sealing-wax burns
to keep a secret, and the taIe-bearer
burns to tell one.
"Jemima,' said fashionable miss to
her friend, II think Charley Potts is per-
fectly splendid; he can get on my gloves,
and wears spit curls.'
The boy who ran away from school to
'go fishing all alone" and caught him
self in the lip, says he's got enough of
fishing on his own hook.
An instructor asked French girl why
beer in French was feminine She re-
piled it was probably owing to the fact
that the boys liked it so well.
An exchange says, We'll ride two
miles to see two brothers under twelve
years of age go to bed together without
having dispute about something"
1t is in vain to hope to please all alike.
Let man stand with his face in what
direction he will, he must necessarily
turn his back on one-half the world
A Springfield man recently took a bath
in the dark. He managed well enough,
nlxT ha Ol6 Of 80
backing instead of soap, with marked
results.
Now don't be rough" remarked a
person, who had been arrested for thieve-
ry, the other night "Pray don't say 1
am thief. Be polite and call me
canal contractor"
A boy, who will yell like Tartar if a
drop of water gets on his shirt band when
his neck is being washed, can crawl
through sewer after ball and think
nothing of it.
A small boy in New Haven made a
sensation for a short time by quietly
transferring card bearing the words.
take one" from a lot of handbills in
front of store to basket of oranges.
The new building of the New York
Tribune is nine stories high. When a
man comes in and wants to know who
wrote that article, he is told that the
author is on the top floor with the eleva-
tor broken.
A Connecticut girl patiently listened
to long declaration of love, pathetic
and proposing from young man, and
then knocked the poetry all out of him
by saying Now let us talk about your
business affairs"
"And now, Mrs Sullivan" said the
counsel, will you be kind enough to tell
he jury whether your husband was in
he habit of striking you with impunity?"
Wild what, sir ?" with impunity."
He was, sir, now and thin, but he struck
ne oftener wild his fsht."
A young bride who had been fashiona-
ly educated was asked by her fond hus-
and to attend to the ordering of the
inner, as he shouldn't have time to go
market. 1t is fact that she blandly
the butcher to send home q
leg of tongue, seventeen pounds of
teak and two hallibut"
Give cents fare for that child, madam"
aid street-car conductor yesterday, as
e opened the door and put his head in.
Very we'll, she replied, feeling in her
ocket; "this is an orphan child and I'm
s guardian. l must have receipt for
II moneys paid out, and as soon as you
rite one I'll drop a nickle in the box"
Re shut the door and leaned over the
rake like man in deep thought.
Storey, of the Chicago Times, is in Jail
t last. That man should have SLAM
cred almost everything and everybody
pure and good repute for years, and at
st be sent to jail for what he said about
Chicago grand jury, reminds us forci-
Iy of one of those remarkable episodes
which we often read, wherein man
no has gone through dozen battles
nscathed, is at last kicked to death by
mule or killed by falling tree.
A young man with a speculative optic
llled at an insurance office in Indianap-
is, the other day, and asked what
olicy on his mothers life for $4,000
ould cost. He explained that he had
ought some real estate, and that as fu-
ire payments would crowd him some,
thought to realize enough on the old
dy's death, as she could not live long,
help him out The insurance man
lvised him not to stop at any half
easures, but secure the old lady's skel-
on as well and dispose of it to one of
e medical colleges.
According to the Boston Advertiser, as
i overloaded horse car was coming up
ldbury street, short time ago, when
Ie icy condition of the street rendered
Ie ascent extremely difficult gentle
- baflaI tho con1uctor from, the side