Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1875-03-18
No. II
Fact and Fancy.


exclaimed the latter, looking through his
spectac}es toward the coquettish beauty indi-
Gated, II should say more of a FOOL
A female lawyer in Wyoming was lobliged
to suspend her argument before Justice in
who was bawling for its dinner in an adjon-
ng ROOM
Baggs got up too early one morning. and
began to scOld the servant girl. His little
six-year- old, who had been listening atten
lively during the conversation, broke in with
"Father, stop scolding; you needn't think tha
Jane is your wife.
Kladderadatsch Nhe Berlin PunM) repre-
sents the leading uItramontainc members OF
the German Parliament in jackets, saying
Prince Bismarck, who stated that kullman
held fast by their coat tails.
Somebody told Brown, who is troubled
with chiblains, that greasing the so!es of his
boots was preventive. Brown tried it, and,
after walking down Broadway On his head
and coattail, bought pair of rubbcrs and is
now looking for his informant
To walk through the valley Of the shad-
ow of single blesSedness for 81 summers,
then step down and out, and get married,
with the back side of hair brush, is one OF
those things no fellow can enjoy.
This Office keeps boy who is paid fifty
dollars month to do nothing but git on
chair and yell shut the door, People who
come up stairs on business are thus saved the
pain of hearing seven or eight men yell out
in succession Free Press.
You may 60 on inventing washing ma
chimes for the next fifty years, but to the
average eye you can't patent anything equal
to the sight of lady's diamond rings flash
ing in and out of the soap suds as she humps
wet towel up and down the wash-board.
An old bachelor says: "When remem
Der all the girls l have met together, | feel
like rooster in the fall exposed to every
weather! Ifeel like one who treads alone
some barnyard all deserted, whose oats are
fed, whose hens are dead, or all to market
started.
Great Salt Lake is reported frozen over
SO that teams can safely travel out tor miles.
We believe this is the first time the extreme
salt waters of that sheet have ever cOngealed,
and the presumption is that the fresh water
streams pouring into are mastering the saline
deposits.
A young lady, said to be the most beauti-
ful in Chicago-a lady who but one short year
ago took the premium at prize fair for
lovely W0men-has just given her heart and
hand to a closs-eyed. pug-nosed, frecke-
faced, handy legged, retail hair merchant of
that city
When Alexander II. Stevens passesa Wash
ington undertaker's establishment, the pro-
prietor always comes to the door, takes hong
lingering look at the shadowy form OF the
great paragrapbist, and then returns to Won
der at the mysterious ways of Providence
Brooklyn Argus.
YES, sir" yelled preacher in Dakota
church one Sunday morning, ''there's more
lying and stealing and general deviltry to the
square inch in this here town than ali the
rest of the American cOuntry!' and then the
congregation got up and dumped the preacher
out of the window.
A Memphis young woman offered to darn
the stockings of Il city editor by weaving
among the mesies golden strands OF her own
auburn curls" In her secret soul she meant
to use her old curls that had gone out of style,
but the editor was an innocent youth, and did
not know the guile Of woman.
A story is told of an old gentleman who al
ways took notes Of his minister's sermons,
and on one occasion read them to the minis
ter himself ''Stop, stop" said the latter, ON
the occurrence OF certain sentence; IL didn't
say that" Il know you didn't was the re-
ply; II put that in myself to make sense"
An Indiana Sunday school superintendent
recently wrote to IL New York Bible firm:
''Send some Sunday school papers and books;
let the books be about pirates and Indians as
far as possible, and il the life Of Bill Tweed
has come out, send that.
A young lady in town who has been courted
by procrastinating young man tor several
years, told him the other evening that he was
like the Kentucky Library Drawing. tie
couldn't see the resemblance until she ex-
planned that he was full Of postponements.
There's an awful sight of fuss made over
this Beecher business. Right out here IN
Dakota Bill Casey went into good family,
married one sister, seduccd another, and ran
away with the third, and there is no trial, no
statements, no nothing but an old man with
a rifle looking for Bill.
There is no Philadelphia Ledger in Wales,
but the Welch paper do the best they Can FOR
the departed. III recent obituary one OF
them mournfuly remarks: Even before our
broad sheet had been enabled to disseminate
the news that the lamrnted gentleman had
won two prizes at the Smithfeld cattle show,
death had claimed him as his victim.
A man nearly 60 years old, who was going
out to the county-house yesterday on the
Directors pass, went into barrier sh"p ON
Jefferson avenue. put on side-b0ard paper
collar. sat down AMI got shaved, cOnbed and
scented up, and then started out without Of
fering any pay. The barber stopped him,
when the old man said he hadn't cent.
''How dared you come in here if you had no
mOney2" exclaimed the barber. ''Im g"'ngl
ont 70 The poor-house on the next train, rel
piled the old mar, land I'm bound io look
decent if it breaks this hull town!'-Det'o'sE