The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-12-16
THE EDITORS GUESTS.
BY WILL N. CARLETON.

his newspaper stopped;
There were lyrics from Gusher the poet concerning
sweet howerets and zephyrs,
And stray gem from Plodder, the farmer, describ-
ing couple Of heifers:
There billets from beautiful maidens, and bills
And his best leader hitched to letter, which in
quired II he wrote il, or who
There were raptures Of praises from writers of the
smooth and mellifuous school,
And Of his rivals last papers, informing him he
was fool;
There were several long resolutions, with names
telling whom they were By,
Canonizing some harmless old brother who had done
nothing worse than to die;
There were traps on that table to catch him, and
serpents to sting and to smite him
There were gilt enterprises to sell him, and biters
attempting to bite him
There were long staring ads from the city, and
money with never a one,
Which added Please give this insertion, and send
in your bill when you're done;
There were letters from organizations-their meet
ings, their wants and their laws
Which said " Can you print this announcement for
the good Of our glorious cause ?'
There tickets inviting his presence to festivals
Wrapped in notes, with " Please give us notice,
demurely slipped in at the close;
In short his eye took the table, and ran Ger its
There was nothing it did not encounter, excepting
perhaps it was cash.
The Editor dreamily pondered on several ponderous
things:
On different lines of action, and the pulling of differ
Upon some equivocal doings, and some unequivocal
duns;
On how few Of his numerous patrons were quietly
prompt-paying onesi
On friends who subscribed "just to help him." and
wordy encouragement lent,
And had give him plenty of counsel, but never had
paid him a cent;
OF vinegar kind-hearted people were feeding him
Who saw not the work they were doing, but won
dered that " printers are sour )"
On several intelligent townsmen, whose kindness
wasso without stint,
That they kept eye on his business and told him
Just what he should print:
| On men who had rendered him fayors and never
pushed forward their claims
So long the paper was crowded with locals con-
On various other small matters sufficient his temper
to roll,
! And finally contrived to making the blood OF an
Editor boil
And so one may see that his feelings could hardly BIZ
said to he smooth,
And he needed some pleasant occurrence his awak.
ened emotions TO soothe;
He had it for TO- on the threshold, slow and reia
And farmer invaded the sanctum, and these ART
the words he sad.
"Good mornin', sir, Mr.. Printer; how syour body
I'm glad you're to home; for you fellers is al'ay'
Your paper last week wasn't so spicy nor sharp al
the one week before;
| But spose when the campaign is opened, you'll b
whoopin' it up to 'em more.
That fellow that's printin' The SndSher is goin' fo
| you pretty smarti
And our folks said this mornin' at breakfast, the!
| thought he was gettin' the start
But hushed 'em right up in mint, and said ,
| good word for you;
told Fem believed you was tryin to do just as vel
| as Won knew.
And told 'em that some one was sayin', and who
| ever twas it was so,
| That you can't expect much OF no one man, no
| blame him for what he don't know:
But layin aside pleasure for business, I've brough
you my little boy Jim,
| And thought would see II you couldn't max
| an Editor outen O him.
"My family stock is increasin', while other folks
| seems to run short;
I've got right smart Of family-it's one of the oil
fashin' sort.
There's Ichabod, Isaac and Israel, workin ava.
| on the farm
| They do bout as much as one good boy-and max
things go off like charm.
There's Muses. and Aaron are sly ones, and slip like
couple of eels;
But they tol'able steady in one thing-they aray
git round to their meals.
There's Peter is busy inventin' (though what he in
vents can't see)
And Joseph is studyin' medicine, and they're bot
of em boardin' with me.
" There's Abram and Albert is married, each worl
in my farm for himself;
And Sam smashed his nose at q shOotin', and so he
laid on the shelf.
The rest Of the boys are all growin' 'cept this lit
runt, which is Jim Il;
And thought that perhaps I'd be maxim an Edit
| outen o. him.
He amt no great shakes for labor, though I've L
bored with him good deal,
And give him some strappin' good arguments kno
he couldn't help but to feel.
Rut he's huilt of SecOQd-cla5S timber, and nOtl
in about him Is big,
Exceptin' his appetite only, and there he's go1
asapig.
} al keep him carryin' luncheons, and film ar
brinsin' the jugs,
And take him among the pertatoes, and set him
: pickin' the bugs;
And then there is things to be doin' helpin' Il
women in doors
There's churnin' and dishin' Of Dishes and other d
scriptions Of chores
But he don't take 10 nothin' but victuals and he
l. never be much I'm afraid,
So thought it would be good notion to learn hi
= the Editors trade.
His body's too small for farmer, his judgment
l rather too slim,
But thought We perhaps could be maxim an Edit
, outen o him.
at amt much to get up paper-it wouldn't ia
him long to learn;
He could feed the machine, am thinkin, wi
some good strappin' fellow to turn;
anu tuae manu- AA NOAAA 40 SAON
now TO do
, Just keep an eye on your machinery, and crack yO
arrangements right through
=, l used for to wonder at readin and when 1t was
up and how;
But its most of it made by machinery--I can see
: all plain enough now.
And poetry, too is constructed by machinery oil q
'' ferent designs,
l., Each one with gauge and chopper to see to
length Of the lines;
s. And 1 hear New York clairvOyant is running
plfnl-a than
Is And rentin' her heaven-born productions at
l. couple of dollars apiece,
And since the whole trade has grown easy, two
be easy enough, I've a whim,
II you was agreed, to be maxim an Editor on
10 o. Jim.''
e The Editor sat in his sanctum, and looked the
/. man in the eye,
Il Then glanced at the grirning young hopeful,
,e mournfully made his reply:
- "I Is your son a small unbound edition of Moses
o' Solomon both
pS Can he compass his spirit with meekness, and SUI
gle natural oath
he Can he leave all his wrongs TO the future and ca
20, his heart in his cheek
80 Can he do an hours work in q minute, and live
Id sixpenee a week
a Can he courteously talk to an equal, and brow-t
III an impudent dunce2
no Can he keep things in appe-pie ORDER and do ha
dozen at once =?
Can he press all the springs of knowledge with
and reliable touch
iS And be sure that ne KNOWS now mucn 10 Know,
&C. knows how to not know TOO much
- Does he know how to spar up his virtue, and p
or check-rein on his pride
- Can he carry 4 gentleman's manners With
ou rhinooeros hide7
ed Can he know all, and do ALL and be all with ch
fulness, courage, and vim?
If so, we perhaps can be maxim an Editor QUITE
him."
The farmer stood curiously listening, while VOL
he his visage Oerspread,
He And he said Jm guess well be goin' he's p
Ch ably out of his head"
II But 10 ! on the rickety staircase, another rel
eu tread,
~ And entered another old farmer and these arr
words he said:
an "Good merning, sir, Mr.. Editor; how is the
to-day?
OK owe for next years paper; thought I'd con
ed and pay.
And Jones is goin' to take it, and this is his nj
aln here;
A shut down on lendin' it to him, and then CO
n him to try ii year.
es, And here is few items that happened last we'
our town;
pal 1 thought they'd look good for the paper, and
or. just jotted 'em down,
And here is a basket Of cherries my wife pickle
red pressly for you,
- And a small bunch of flowers from Jennie
ses, thought she must seGd semethin' too.
ely You're dOin' the politics bully, as all OF our Ia