Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-11-10
Men who swear in their sleep
should not sleep in church.

: Cnoerfnl-They ere betting In Lon
J don that the Prince Of Wales will b
assassinated before his return fror
India.
Fernando Wood is down In Wash
ington, along with tho rest OF tn
Democratic gang, fishing to be tn
next Speaker.
1T 10 marvellous how quick the sv
erage man will begin to appreciate hi
wife after he finds out that some othe
fellow sdmires her.
A lady writer in the WOmen'
Journal gives expressions to the ide,
that the holiness Of women's love al
most cancels her shame when she Il
led astray.
A Duluth assessor says il is posi-
lively amazing how cheap property
becomes 40 he passes up or down
street. It falls seven per cent. when
ever he enters a house.
4 Down East those young ladie.
who wear clanking chains around
their waists, and large hoop bracelets
on their arms a. far az the elbow, are
called fashionable convicts."
i The crushing finale with which On
infiationist recently ovsrpowered hil
antag0nist In 3 financial argumen,
was: "Damu II, cir, what was green.
] hapka xoyth. het0rs the wArgsir r
Tho REV. Fat6ef Murphy; Who
has been lecturing at Montreal, adimitl
that the Pope can sin, and 10 quite
liable to 60 to hell therefor. This In
q lecture on "Papal InfallibilitY."
/ AN old Captain fell overheard of
Long Island, the other day, but, catch.
ing rope, was towed along on his
back under the vessels bow tor mile
when he was hauled up in safety, still
smoking his pipe.
"A patent clock work pulpit has
been invented In Englaad which gives
an alarm at the end OF half An hour,
and II the sermon 10 not done within
dve minutes the pulpit collapscs and
falls into heap.
-"Mike," have Won settled that af-
fair with Lewis, yet?- "Yes, he
kicked me OFF the back stoop last
week, and since that he has stopped
botherin' me-"
60 to law, will you? 1t cost a
Providence doctor $6 to get out an
attachment the other day, on some
property, the sale of which subse-
quently realized fifteen cents.
Now, that foreigners are at last
tallowed to travel i'm the interior Of
China, what splendid new field is
thus Unexpectedly opened for the in
surance, lightning rod and sewing
machine of America.
"Six feet 10 his boots - exclaimed
Mrs. Partineton, "what will the impu-
dence OF this world come 10, won
der. Why, they might as we'll tell me
the man had six heads in his hat!"
A Brooklyn girl is engaged to be
married 10 an Italian Count, and in
the course Of four or five years she
may be looked for on the street with
. hand-organ, playing tho usual tunes.
Some young men In Louisville have
formed an "anti-lift-your-hat.to to.a-
woman society" Now let the Louis
villo young ladies form an ssanti- bow.
to-A-pnppy society. ."-4Ne,c FORK Her.
aid.
"A Pious Nav Jersey dame has
stopped praying for her husband, be.
cAuae' - she says, Il have prayed so
long without effect that think the
Lord has just as poor an opinion of
that man 90 l have
There Ia no marriage law In Utah
Territory. For appearance sake,
couples stand up and say, ssWe's
pardner's.' Divorce IL accomplished
BY publicly announcing, "This pard-
nership Is bnsted.' The custom fits
the people like an old glove.
The Boston Post announce that
Michigan has abolished capital punish
ment. She abolished It many years
ago, but the headlong haste OF Bos-
ton paper cannot brook the passage Of
. year or two. aud so the news 10
blurted right out Louisville Courier-
Journal.
"A gentleman had his watch stolen
and gave 10 the detective the follow.
ing description of the thief. "He
was natty, spruce and insolent. look.
ing little fellow, wore fAultless clothes
an Immense diamond ring, and had
any quantity OF oil on bis hair" "Ten
to one no Ia hotel clerk |" cried the
detective.
An Australian convict gives his
notion oil capital punishment by writ
ing to . friend In England-"And
Jack, my dear fellow, they top lag
out here for slogging . screw" Mean
ing, they hang q prisoner for assault
Ing warden. lie adds. "That bit
of rope 10 . rare check on mans
temper
-"There may be such Q thing a.
love at frat sight, remarked q Detroit
girl, as she twisted s.friz" around the
curling iron, "but I don't believe 10 ii.
There's Fred, saw him a hundred
times before loved him. In fact, l
shouldn't have fallen in love when l
did II his father hadn't given him that
house and lot Detroit Free Press.
IAN exchange very agonizingly
asks: won't somebody invent some
sort of button hole for campaign
purposes that will staBd the strain Of
candidates fingers. Something me-
talic, that will stand wear aud tear, or,
better still, an electrical button hole.
something that would make An Office
seeker feel as though he had been
struck by lightning II no touched II"
--"Yes, you may come again next
Sunday evening, Horace, dear but"
and she hesiiated. "What is 1t, dsr-
iing2 Have ! given you pain? n he
aaked, "a she still remained silent.
You didn't mean to, I'm surc," she
responded, shut next time please don't
wear one Of those co,lars with the
points turned outward they stick in
0ne's cheek
A wag entered smoking car on
tho Central road . few DAYS ago,
while the train was IN motion, and in
an earnest and sympathetic tone, said !:
"There's . lady in the next coach
tainted away. Has any gentleman
here any liquor 70 give hor ~ Twen.
Ety-eight men In the car immediately
rose to their feet, each with . flask in
his hand. A more eloquent expres-
sion Of sympathy could not possibly
he conceived,
Deacon Brown lately took occa-
sion TO administer reproofio old Joe
for swearing. Joo listened attentive
ly to bis words, seemed TO appreciate
the exhortstion, and when hc had con,
ciuded, replied % follows: "The fsct
ie, Deacon, that may swear groat
deal, and you may pray a great Coal,
bnt neither OF rs means anything by
ill., The Deacon allndes toeJoA O. an
instance OF total depravity,
A youth was rashinR around the
corner, saying. "All | want In this
world 10 to lay my hards % him r.
lie presently carne npon . boy Weigh
ing about tan pounds more than him
cell, and rI At HIN. he exclaimed,
did yo1 my brother. Bon n
.sYeE I az "a The boy, dropping
bis bnndlsted splttine. On hia hands.
WELL = continued tho other lad, hack
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