The Vancouver independent. (Vancouver, W.T. [Wash.]) 1875-1910, 1875-09-25
SOUTH AMERICA.
HUMOROUS.


\ Feeiii Islander says that drunken
missionaries makes good "corned' beef.
A Young lady in Massachusetts cam
cclcd her marriage engagement because
''dad believes we have a gold mine on
OIL farm"
lust thiuk of it, 1t costs $I,2So.7S9-
10 to keep the women Of this country
in imported corscts for one year. " hat
a waste.
"Such remarks consider low and
an insult to my understanding, sad
witty beauty to gentleman who prais-
ed her small feet.
Somebody abvcrtiscs a preparation
for keeping Il ladN's hands from chaps
\ report that she has no money would
do the same thing.
sl on would be very pretty, indeed,
said gentleman, patronizingly, to a
Young lady. ''lt Your eyes were only
little larger My eyes may be very
small, sir, but such people as you don't
| fill them
A ncwIv-malricd couple have pre-
cipitatcl, He'd from Savin Rock, where
they had gone asummcrlng, because the
fact leaked out that the husband took Il
portion of his wic's hair, oil by mistake
| for cough medicine one night.
They were seated at a late dinner,
when the door bell rang, and the ser
want handel a card to ones wife.
GOOD gracious. It's our minister, and
| I've been eating unions.' she cxclan-
ed. "\cvcr mind,' SAID Jones, "you
need not ks. hum to-day"
81 haven't catcna mouthtul III two
DAYS" said a tramp, sand my wife and
three children arc starving at homc.'
81 would give YOU something" the phil
anthropist replied, ''but ave nothing
smaller than a tivc-dollar hill" 81 will
change it for you," sad the tramp.
Child-Mamma, arc YOU gong to
hcaven' Namm-Hcs, | hope SO, dear.
Child-And Jauc: Mammal hope
so; she is a good woman, and all good
women go to heaven. Child-Thcn,
please, may go to the dogs with papa?
He says he is going there, and it will
be so much nicer there.
SuE'LL FIX HlN.-Iesterday a
washcrwonian carried b0ndlc of six
clean shirts into an office on Griswold
street and demanded sixty cents of the
owner; he replied that it was outra-
geou>, and said that she must cut the
bill down to fifty cents.
"Wcll, give me the money!" she said,
after Il long argument.
"And you'll keep right on washing
for me:"
"I-e-s, I guess so," she replied, after
some hesitation, shut can't wash down
no further than the bosom for that fig
ure, and the tails II have to furnish their
soap and water."- Detr OFT Free Press.
Frank Blake, an actor, read the
following at his benefit performance in
Portland, Maine:
Dear public, you and |, late,
Have dealt SO much in fun
I'll crack you now a inOnstrous great
Quadrailicated pun,
Like crate fl of Goals I'll glow
a great full house Il. 49,
And if am not grateful too,
A great fool Unjust be,
And all that to an audience that
yielded him only twenty three dollars.
An old Scotch parson, who was not
a preacher but parson, and who on
week days rrturncd the visits which
his people made 10 him at the kirk on
SUNDAYS. Oucc came to the house of
parishioner where his gentle knocking
could dot be heard for the noise within.
Upon this he lifted the latch and walk
cd in, saving, in Il majestcal way, 81
should like to know who is the head Of
this house," "Wecl, Sif," laid Sandy,
''if' We bidc VICE we'll maybe be able
to tell We, for Janet and are Just try
ing TO settle that point"
This good little boy was sitting on
the front steps whiting up his sisters
frames and muttering to
himself, This amt no good world to
live in unless a fclcr is his fathers or
mothers only orphan boy. What makes
me git SO mad is to have my sister go
and take all my ripe peaches to give to
hat big loafcr of a sweetheart of hers
hat comes round here seven nights in
week TO git a square meal, and makes
)ut as if he wanted To talk politics with
he old man. ! wish they'd marry and
20 to Texas, | do" And then he threw
The remnants of the frames in the street
and seemed lighter hearted