The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1875-03-25
Anti-Dispsptic
Circus poles-Polisli aerabots, a

| Circus poles-Polish aerabots.
/ Head waiters-Barbcrs.
| How to take life easily-Ba careful witt, kcr.;-
Osene.
Materialized spirts-Frozen whiskey~
Charity stays at home in cold weather.
Sign of indigestion, ''Gone to dinner. WIZ
be back in five minutes"
Ladies Of stay belle m;ntl-Fasllionable ola
maids.
scothn1en love the reel, lsst euchre players
love the deal
When man comes home corned, ne must
| look out for the crib.
| The sentinel who dill not sleep oi. LIS WATCH
had left it at the pawnbrokers.
:'Wllat can't be cured mast be sold fresh," Is
| the way they say it in Porkopolis.
A Milwaukee miser froze to death slf trying
to save wood during the late polar wave, antl~
as no person knows. where his money is buried,
| his death is regretted by all who knew him.
| Peterham hes produced an auctoneer who
tells the truth. He recently told &; bidder
you've got a good bargain on tie sleigh yoin'
bid off for $50 It's iust as good for the hens
to roost on one that costs $500
| All the canflor Of youth-Aunt Bella. whc.'
has Just read aloud 'The Burial of Sir John.
Moore'-Now then, which of the verses do yous
like the hast?' Jack, with alacrity, 80,
fknow-.Few and short Were the prayers VIZ
| said"
A Maine paper says that MIR. John Eaton. OF
| kennebank, has a calf without legs. If he
should happen to have legs without calves h.
| had better consolidate.
| An eminent sculptor recently received visit
from anouuaeau richie, who wished to know
4 what the charge would be Tor an equestrian
t.htist of himself
A convict who was about to be sent to the
! House of Correction. was told that they woul,s
set him TO picSun. LET 'em try it., said he !,
l.ssI'll tear the oak,,m all to pieces p
A primer ont in Arkansas, whose Office is
| twenty miles from any other building, and wle'
hangs his sign on the limb of a tree, atlvert',
scs for an apprentice, and says, "a boy froTrs%
the country preferred
A.poet at Hickman, KY, thus describes the
gisi lie address:
i The glance Of he. eye is blue rliifs
Her bltlslls the Mood Of the ,ins;
Her pout is a pnnch-in Whose brewing
Tart, sugar and spirit combine.
Bothering 4 rich man by boaSting Of a set osS
maachile studs he had Just bought, fnp asked
if he did not admire them. "OA, yes, repliets
I the man OF wealth, very lnslch indeed !. Lye
got q. n,a.tlepiece like that at hems."
It doesn't follow that because we have taken
a perous step we ought to retracs it,. Shu
vast wise old woman who crossed bridge
and on being told that it was Labelled ''tan-
gerous," turned and re-crossed it in all haste
! 4 Hartford man keeps spafl<. close by his
/ kitchen door, and whenever a tramp comes
along andehags for dinner, he i>requested t','
etsr.'it by digging four feet squlr. in the gar
den, but the TRAMP Invariably reflses to pay
this price.
4 country Dassor said to Que of his feminine
congregation. IRE youshappy!"
s:Yes, .sir,'' she replied; Il feel as though Il
were in Belzebubs BOSOM
| YNot in Belzebub's.''
swell some CT the natrarchs,. Idon't care
| which,
j ehe Bishop OF NY1.tsbur@ once asked -:
sprigi,tly little shepherd boy, .''Wilat are yo
doing here, my lal?'' Tending swine." ''Ho-*
much t!o you get?'' ''One form "a week. y.
am also a Shepherd continued the Bishop
/ shut get more pay,'' 'rhen l suppose yoi4
have more swine rlltler your care" ii.neceati5t
rprlisd the boy.