, 1875-11-27
miscellaneous Paragraphs.

LADY 10 wailer-Don't put that ice
into the goblet with your fingers
Waiter-L1r, ma'am, l don't mind,
nv hands are very warm.
\ Young lady asking William
sport young man in a music store,
Have YOU happy dreams :" was as,
tonished when he replied, " \ o, ma
am, Pm mostly troubled with the
nightmare"
They have found a petrifed Nor
mon IN Utah, and, from the number
Of dents in the head, evidently made
with poker and fiat iron, 1t Is Judged
that he had at least thirty-three wives.
This is the roughest coniugal expe-
rience on record In a Brooklyn di-
vorce suit, the husband who was the
conductor on a horse-car line, alleges
that his wife Is employed as 'sPotter'
and through her iuhunce he was turn
el cut Of his berth.
4 little boy, aged four, whose ma
ma Ihought it right to refuse him
some thing upon which his heart was
desperately set, finding that there was
no hope for him, burst into a passion
Of tears and exclaimed, Well, then,
what did they born me for =
\ lady whose husband has an un-
pleasant habit of railing at her has
hit upon the plan of calling in her
servants when be begins to let his
temper rise, and then turning to him
and ssying sweetly, Now, my dear,
please 90 on with your remarks, He
doesn't 90 on at least, not as he be-
gan.
The following epitaph, copied from
PENNSYLVANIA tombstone. has been
sent to the Historical Society Of that
State Here lies the bodie of Mar
garet Fay her would if her could but
her couldn't stay, her had bad legs
and badiish cough it were her legs
as carried her off.
\ certain colored deacon, on occa-
sion Of missionary collections, was
wont to shut his eyes and sing : Fly
abroad though mighty Gospel with
such earnestness and JUNCTION that he
would quite forget to see the plate As
it came around. Oh, yes p said the
plate bearer. but just you give some
thIn,, t0 make !. iiy'
There may be such thing as love
at first sight remarked Detroit girl,
as she twisted friz around the
curling iron, but don't believe in 1t.
There's Fred, | saw him a hundred
times before loved him. In fact,
shouldn't have fallen in love with him
when did, if his father hadn't given
him that house aud lot
ID. Boon killed a bar on this tree
f775' NAV be found on almost any
tree now, and every little while 1t al
furdo some cnicrpri,ing newspaper an
item whici. Is inuocenily supposed 20
be fresh. If Mr.. Boone had Killed
fool every time he killed bear, there
wouldu'; be so many people cutting let
tiers in trees III our day.
The advantage Of having q dress
recormer for 4 wife: Time, midnight ,
scene. bod-chamber; two pairs OF
trowsers. hanging over a chair enter
bloodymindcd burglar; sees trowsers:
/. 4 ha: curses ou'em One man /
would carve, two | viii not face q.
Exit burglar il alarm. Burglar de
celvcd, only one man in bed other
troWsers belong 10 wife.
At the police statiuu,-Judge { to
the prisoner - You were arrested at
the very moment You were taking the
portemonnaie from the gcutleman's
rocket The prisoner Yes sir; but
/ was going to put it back. My first
thought is often bad my second is
often good. The policeman who ar
rested me should have waited for my
secoad thought
\ traveller, beng at a coffee house
with some gentlemen, was largely
drawing ON the credulity Of the COM
pany. Where did you say all these
wonders happened, sir = asked a cen
tleman present. really can't ex-
actIy say replied the traveller but
it was somewhere III Europe-Russia,
| think should rather think 1t q
ly,' returned his opponent.
Charles Fox and his friend Hare,
both incommoded by duns, were TO-
gether in house when, seeing some
shabby men about the door, they
grew afraid lest they were bailifTS in
search of one Of them. Not knowing
which was in danger, Fox opened the
window, and calling to one Of them,
said, Pray, gentlemen, are you fox
hunting or hare hunting :
When man is chopping kindIing
and a stick with a ragged edge takes
him between the eyes, he hurls the
hatchet far away, nurses his head with
one hand, and hops around as if he
had the spring hais in his right leg.
| All his physical agony IS nothing com
pared to his inexpressible feelings
when bis wife pokes her head into the
wood,shed and mildly inquiries, Ric-
hard are you hurt =
/ Yes be said, dreamily, we are
always striving for a subjective goal
/ Uuconsciously, it may be. bat still we
! strive. We lean over the verge Of
Infinite, longing to grasp lis mysteries
ana lost in the profundities OF It's i'm
mensity' Yes,' she replied, thought
f fil'h,. lu+ JrIn ,rguIb vou mind INV