The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1875-08-14
PARAGRAPHIC,

RAkAGhAIhlCs
"A little girl and boy, three or
four years old, were playing on the ice,
when sis fell down and commenced to
cry. Bub ran up and soOthingly lisp
ed, "Don't cry ! Thwear Thwear !
''Thay damn /"
An Iowa lady concludes an anti
suffrage letter as follows You may
look at this matter in whatever light
you will, but simmer it down and it Is
but quarrel with the Almighty that
we are not all men,"
"A Missouri aspirant to matrimony
advertises that he will give three mules
to any maiden who will wed him
which gives rise to the question, what
respectable married woman would want
such four-in-han
-"There was an old family fuel be-.
tween them," was what female wit
ness in Chicago murder case said to a
jury. A juryman asked her ii she
did mt mean "feud," and she asked lin
who was telling the story.
"A young Tennessee lady recently
died at the weight of 450 pounds.
Everybody who attended the funeral
was weighed down with great grief,
and the pall:bearers felt as though they
could scarcely sEagger through it and
live. 80
"A man who was sentenced to be
hung was visited by his wife, who said,
"My dear, would you like theI children
to see you eyecuted ?" no" replied
he. "That's " just like you," said she,
''yOu never wanted tie children to have
any enjoyment"
An exchange defines blunderbuss
as kissing the wrong girl just as
though it were possible to be wrong in
kissing any girl. A blunderbuss is
for men to kiss one another, as French
men do, or for girls to kiss one another,
as they often do for want of a man to
kiss them. "
=" Wake up, Judge, wake up
there's burglar in the house !" said
Mrs. Portly, in Brooklyn, to her hus.
band, the other night. The Judge roll,
ed out of bed, grasped his revolver, and
opened the door to sally forth for the
robber, then turning to his wife he said
Come, Sarah, and lead the way. It'S
mean man that will hurt a woman. .
Two lrishmen on tertain occasion
occupied the same chamber. In the
morning one of them inquired of tht
other, "Dennis, did ye hear the thun'
der in the night ?" "No, Pat did il
really thunder ?" ." Yes it thunder
ed as II hiven and earth would com,
together" "Why the deuce, then
didn't ye wake me, for ye know i can
slape when it thunders ?"
"A city chap visited the Shakers a
Lebanon some time since, and as h'
was wandering through the village, en-
countered stout hearty specimen o
the sect, and thus accOsted him
"Well. Broadbrim, are you much of
Shaker ?" may" "said the othe
!" not overmuch, but l can do littl
that way" So he seized the young mai
by the collar and nearly shook him oh
Of his boots.
Thompson was boring suppe
party with a most interminable yarn,
few evenings since. When one of tn
party broke in with, am tell yo
what, Thompson, whoever told yol
that STORY did not tell you the whole
It," " Certainly he did, said the as
tOnished Thompson Il know ever
word OF it.,' "Mustb be some mistake
Thompson" persisted his friend, "h
never could have told you the end {
II" '"'"' '%'tr. "
" "A person who represented that
was clergyman presented himself q
the Office of g promiRent real estate fri
In Boston one day this week, ,anG aske
II tie firm would give him list of a
the farms offered for ssle and owned b
widows. The query naturally aros
whether he wanted to bny widow {
marry farm.
"A parent writes to US that he Is OF
noyed and panied by his son stayin
out nights, and asks us ii we can pre-
eht remedy for this rapidly CROWN
evil There are several remedies. I'll
boys spin can be broken with an AK
he can be nailed to the floor with ret
hot railroad spike, driven through h
abdomen, but the most effectual wa
is to compel him to wear patcht
clothes.
Father" replied Cairo girl, tea
in her eyes, "yOu may jaw and JAY
and howl and rip and tear. but 1
marry John Stewart if die for it,
And the old man leaned back and +
allied that he might as well try TO pr
A.