The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-06-11
Newspaper Subscribers.

1 Line LONDON Newspaper Press con
tains the following classification o.
newspaper subscribers, which is some
what vaguely credited to an American
paper. First come the
Uprights.-These are men who take
| newspapers, pay for them, and read
| them. Observe the order in which
these things are done thu pay comes
| first the reading next. These men con
consider they get the worth of theil
money in the bargain. 1t seems as fail
aud Just to them that the newspaper
| should be paid for as barrel of sugar
or new coat. They never entertain
any other opinion. When the year
runs ont, or a little before, they are on
hand with the pay. There is no more
| difficulty with them in remembering
this period. than Sunday or the first OF
January. If one of them, wishes to stop
his paper, he either calls or writes a
letter by his postmaster, in due season,
like a man. This class is dear to the
heart of the editor. Their image is
embalmed in his warm affections. May
they live a thousand years, and see
their sons sons to the fourth generation.
The second class now in mind is the
Do Weus.-This class is nearly re-
lated to the other-so near, that it is
bard to tell where one begins and the
other ends. These men always pay in
advance in the beginning and intend to
do so continually. But the memory
fails little, or some mishap intervenes,
aud the time runs by-sometimps a
little-sometimes quite period. But
their recollection, though nodding &C
casionally, never gets sound asleep. It
pronounces the word in due time, sdThe
printer is not paid :" and forthwith
their will to do well kindles into activ-
ity. Now comes the paying applicant
to do so before. Don't mean to let
such things pass by" A publisher can
live with such men. They have a warm
place in his memory-Only little back
of the uprights. IF such a man dies in
the arrears. his wife OF son remembers
that be might not have paid up for his
newspaper. and forthwith Institutes
inquiries. They remember that part of
the benefit was theirs, and, estate CT no
estate, see that the printers bills are
not among their fathers unsettled &C
counts. Next come the
Easy DOer8.-These men believe in
newspapers. They have fully settled
in their own minds that a newspaper is
a good thing. They take them, too
Sometimes at the first they pay up for
the first year--at any rate they mean to,
pretty soon. IF they have done go they
sit down with the comforting conviction
that their newspaper is now settled for ::
and this idea having once got into their
heads. refuses obstinately TO be dis.
lodged, but keep it7 holding from wear to
year; a truth Once-uOw an illusion
gray and rheumatic with years The
editor, marking the elongated and e1on-
eating space in the accounts current of
dollars, begins to ask if they are dead
or have gone to California. Now he
begins TO poke bills at them. They
suddenly start mp TO the reality that
they are in the arrears; and, like men,
as they are at the bottom, pay up.
They never dispute his bills-they know
books tell better stOries than moss
covered memories. If the publisher
has faith enough. or long purse, and
cln live like alternating bear. he may
survive this class. But If he is NOR
tai only. woe to him. The next class
is that of the
Dorm Hillers.-Tfere begin to slide
over to the other side. The picture
suddenly gets sombre. We shall dis
patch the Down Killers suddenly. One
of these may take paper because his
wife wants one, or the children are zeal
Gus to read it, or a neighbor persuades
him. When it begins to come, he dis
misses all thoughts about it further. If
the editor sends man directly to him
at the end of two or three years, he
NAV get some pay for his paper, with
growls and surly looks. He never pays
any debts if he can get rid of it, and
least o. all. Still. he hates
lawsuits, constables. and all that. A
dun has the Fame effect On him that
bullet has on hippopotamus-glan
from his hide. or sinking in the blubber
harmless. He is always sliding down
hill, and soon merges into another
class of
The Ma Gum ROu8e.-No matter
how this man began his subscription.
he never pays for it-not he. He don't
like that sort of paper 1t don't give
news. He rever did like it. He didn't
want it in the first place, and told the
postmaster so. He sent back one, more
than year aRo-besides, he never be.
gan to take it till long time after it
came, and be hadn't had only two or
three of them at any rate, and those he
hadn't read Wipe him of. Here
comes
The Sc0pegrace.-Tt is enough to say
Of him that he never fails to have
newspaper-twOO or three of them. When
be thinks they have come about long
enough for the publisher to want pay,
he sends back with stop it, Or he |
axes up his quarters and leaves for
parts unknown. He does not want to |
paw, and lie don't mean to. Get it, if |
7Ou can.
Rea Ter, in which of the above classes
ire you found?
ho Ro