The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-17
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

"buc eyes dressed in black
The lady editor of the Cherokee Inder claims
10 know a good cigar
.Judce Wallace, of the Hoopeston Chronicle, re-
fers to the Inter. Ocean the paper that parts its
name in the middle
A correspondent Of a western paper having de-
scribed the Ohio as q sckly stream" the edl-
for amended the remark That's so-it is
confined TO its bed"
A New Jersey man swallowed fly, and was so
disguised that be died. Later-the fly also died
Case of mutual disgust.
Tennessee lightning went for Tennessee
mule few nights since, but after fooling around
for while it was satisfied with melting his
shoes off and leaving him unhurt.
The latest agony in stationery is Beecher note
paper. II has ragged edge" and whatever !s
written on II means something else.
This is the way our neighbor puts it:
Who'er would live in Sterling,
And lead happy life,
Must surely 90 to oregon
To get a sterling wife
Here is how the impecunious young men OF
Morrison gain admittance to the circuses; lhcy
pin stars on their coat lapels, color the ends OF
then noses red, and assuming the swagger OF u
policeman, walk in.
The editor Of the Pekin BttLctM Chat was has
been known 10 write with pen in each hand on
two different subjects, rock the craS9 with his
feet and whistle Yankeedoodle" for the twin
babies, while intently perusng the latest num-
Der of the temperance .Advocatc.
Verify, a change is coming over the spirit Of
the dream of country printers Here is the Ef.
fngham Dcmocrat man advertising for sealed
proposals for the erection of the new democrat
Building" Time was when the whereabouts of
the next square meal and straight drink was all
that agitated the breast of ye country printer.
But the world moves.
The latest charge against " Old Bill Alien" is
that his father died in 1906, while he was born in
1907 What will not these lying newspapers say
about an!-Hoopestoa Chroac'e.
During a late thunder storm the lightning
struck IN five different places in Springfield.
Fortunately il hit some one on the check every
time, else its strokes might have been attended
with fatal results.
The St. Charles Leader says there were five
meeting week ago Sunday. In accord with its
usual manner OF referring 10 religious matters,
the editor adds that the meeting was F" in noise
AMI numbers a success
Nashua man sang don't be angry with me,
darling" while he arruped his wife with stir
rup strap. But she got the bulge on him, and
stood on his stomach while she strcwed his by.
perion curls about the kitchen floor and warbled,
while She twined her lily fingers in his auburn
locks, Darling, you are growing bald"
Mrs. Ousley has brought suit against Judge
Wallace, OF the H0opeston Chr0nicte for libel,
and the Young lady to whom Wallace was en-
gagged has sued for a breach Of promise. Verify,
it never rains but it pours and there's trouble
all around for the udge.-Chdmla,1n Gorette.
And yet the Judge is not as happy as he was
last year with three libes on hand. II is = Allie
waiting however, isn't IL Wallace? Mrs. Ousley
is liable 10 get him? Here's luck.-Hiaoak
Times.
A Mormon Saint added second wife to his
harcm last week In Salt Lake City, named Leila
Tuckett Leila Tuckett quietly but the first
wife didn't and the loving husband quoted her
with a shot gun.
Tell us, We winged winds, that on the prairie
hum, is there no spot on earth where scandal re-
ports don't come? No island in the sea, no val
ley in the west where from the jamboree ii is
possible TO procure restY Where TiltOn ID uA-
known where they never heard Of Beach, where
Moulton is-whatsY Speak londer-"O Out OF
reach" Thought so &c on with the night.
marcy. J. COM. Adtertar
Awkwardness combined with luck, is what
helped Kansas man to get out Of the way Of
his wife when she had the relng pin poised
ready to strike He fell through cellar-door
and only broke his collar-bone.
The question has arisen in Chicago; Does a
woman ever strike at a fly without closing her
eyesE' She never does-we ali know it, but
she'll sweep that broom-stck through the air al
her beloved husband and never wink either OPP.
tic.-Detr0t FIRE. Press.
The Galva Journal tells rather tough yarn
about gentleman in Knox county dropping
jar Of butter into his well sixteen years ago. that
was taken out few days ago. and found in good
condition.
The Bruas,cieEer thinks that the happicst pail
Of dogs on earth must have been thasc in Noahi
ark, because they had only one pair of neas be
tween them.
Happy heas, two.
4 Red Oak man has invented an easy method
Of killing the potato bug. He shuts the bug VI
in a room - hours and allows ii TO eat nothing
bat salt Then when he lets the insect out i
makes a straight shoot for the nearest creek L
ret g drink, and the chances are ten to one, il
there is no creek nearer than ten miles, tina
some wasoo will run over the bug and smasl
il before II gets back to the potato patch,-Bar
layton Natok-Ey.
The Hoopeston editor seems TO be in trouble
al around. The Kankakee gazette says:
Some Of the boys are playing with the feeling
OF our melancholy young friend Judge Wallace
Of the Hoopeston chronicle. They relate all sort
Of narrowing incidents which they allege occur
red on the late editorial excursion and in which
the Judge is made 10 occupy a conspicuous pc
sitioD. But all these attempts are fruitless
Nobody saw anything OF the Judge after we lief
Jacksonville. IL changed his ndme, The youn.
man on board the Andy who couldn't rest
nights because grass widow with red eaI
rlags asked him 20 fetch her a chew of "a
hacker" wasn't the Judge. 1t was 1.-THE othc