South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-10-01

but not much sleighings That's the
sort he is"
IVr"She died for me-" said the young
husband when he beheld her dark locks
gradually returning to their original red.
V"Augustus, DEAR" said she. ten.
derly pushing him from her as the moon.
light flooded the bay window where they
were standing. 81 think YOU had better
try some other kind OF hair-dye; your
mustache tastes like turpentine."
@A Brooklyn sick girl cleared space
around thirteen ears OF green corn at
one meal the other day. and, picking the
fragments from between her teeth with
a hair.pin, observed: IF ever L get we'll
enough again to eat much. think /
could live on corn"
1An engaged young man, whose
girl makes him go home four hours be.
fore daylight, wishes the nights were
three months long, AS they are in Norway.
|" "A Newburyport man was the VIC
tim ola singular accident the other night.
While passing along the street. boy
exploded common cracker just behind
him, while at the same instant rotten
banana, thrown from neighboring
fruit store, struck him on the back of the
head. He at once screamed, I'm shot
I'm shot" and, taking n handful Of the
decayed fruit from his head, exhibited
it to n horror-stricken bystander as n
specimen Of his brains.
LoGIC.-"You never saw my hands as
dirty as that" said mother reproach-
fully yesterday to her little eight year
old girl. Cause i never see you when
you was little girl" was the prompt
answer
W Precocious boy munching the fruit
Of the date: Mamma, if | eat dates c.
nough will / grow up to be an almanacp"
A curious incident occurred in
large and well-attended church in Cliff
ton on Sunday evening. Thepreacher's
subject was the lost Sheep" and dur
ing the sermon it so happened that re-
al lost sheep" strayed from Durdham
Down, close by, and got entangled in
the iron ratings that surround the church.
Thus it was as the preacher made alu-
sion to the "lost sheep of the parable,
the real live sheep at the church door
answered, bah - in very loud but pi-
teens tone. (which Of you said the
preacher, "having an hundred sheep
"Bah bah ~ replied the woolly captive
outside. The audience, as it must be at
once perceived, were placed in n position
OF considerable embarrassment, not to
mention the poor preacher, especially
when he continued, For have found
the Sheep" and the creature at the door
still louder. "Bah! bah bah !" The
audience struggled hard, and the preach
or also. They managed not to roar, and
ne just escaped (by the skin of his teeth
breaking down.-Horper's Magazine.
CV An Indiana darkey says: Use
got my cibbil rights, to be suah, but
hain't my ole toes stickin' out'n my ole
butes just de same?"
WANTED TO TRAMP IT.-A good sto-
ry is told OF n country merchant who a.
greed to take farmers oats at forty
cents bushel if the latter would let him
tramp the measure when filed. The
farmer agreed to it. The buyer paid for
sixty bushels, and tho next day he went
after them. The farmer filled the half
bushel. and then the merchant got in and
tramped them down. Whereupon the
farmer poured the compressed oats into
the bag. The merchant protested, and
demanded that the measure should be
filled up after tramping. The farmer
Informed him that there was no agree
ment of that sort. but that he might
tramp down the oats to his hearts con-
tent after they were measured.
---Eseu amLglad," wrote a clergyman TO
the Grand Rapids ~2emocrdt, and the
types go it dam glad" He is in a cave
OF gloom.
S"Ihunder," exclaimed man, rush.
ing into railroad telegraph station the
other day, 1.-THE express trains gone of
the big bridge -
MANY killed, many killed." scream.
oil the by-standers.
Not n one" replied the other" She
just went on at one end and eff ut the
other, as usual"
I0'T haven't eaten n mouthful in
two days" said n tramp. land my wife
and three children are starving at home
IL would give you something" the phi.
lanthropist replied. "but have nothing
smaller than a five dollar bill" II will
change IT for you" said the tramp.
WA fve-year old son Of n Water.
bury (Connecticut deacon amuses him
self by initiating n train Of cars with
his mouth and shutting his feet While
indulging ia this pastime last Sunday
he was told that it was wrong to do 50
on the Sabbath. ooh, but this is the
milk train" was his rejoinder. that be
ing the only train run through the town