The spirit of democracy. [volume] (Woodsfield, Ohio) 1844-1994, 1875-07-27
Seuse aud no,lsrnsf.
A paper of tax-T'he assessment list
The wandering heiress-tllc Niadlass.


II you don't bride yonr tongue, ssd-
die be your fate.
What is the form of an escaped par
rot9 A pollygone.
At what season did Eve eat the APP
pie 2-Early in the fall.
Lo misunderstanding the Indians
Boston Adeertiser.
What kind Of robbery Is not danger.
ousP A safe robbery of course.
The mean temperature is what. dis.
gusts man EitAs every cling -.
The editor Of the Ken.on Republican
should stay in the house nights, or some
Catholic will eat him up.-Hancock
Courier.
The wife of "Max Adeler' weighs
700 pounds; and the Brooklyn Argus
says when Max asks her, ssShall / help
you over the fence?" she replies de-
murely, "No; help the fence"
Jump.up-and-run-away-an y-and-then-sit-
down-again is the name of Red Cloud
Indian who has taken the war-path He
must have sat down on pin--Burling.
ton Hd,cheye.
One of the Plymouth Church orators
the other night spoke of ''the hundred
eyes OF Briareus and the hundred arms
of Argus Here's fine chance for
Mythology to bring libel suit.
Commodore Vanderbilt lately made
an elaborate explanation of the manner
in which he got rich, and yet here we
are, most of us, in the same old shape.
st. Louis Republican.
Speaking of the poem, "She who
Rocks the Cradle Rules the World" the
Memphis Avalanche says: "In this sec
ton she is generally \ colored girl, aud
we don't believe word Of it,
"Can you inform me-" said student
to book seller, s'whether L can find
anywhere the biography of Pollock r'-
"Yes, l da'e say, you will find it in the
Course of Time %
When Western politician is so ut
terly played out that he can't borrow
ten cents to bet on an election. he aban.
dons the beautiful dreams of ambition
and joins theinnumerable army of grass.
hopper sufferers.
Mstress-sLet vou go 70 evening
school, Mary?" Well, ma'am, / does
know my letters fustrate, so longs they
keep all in row;bus just as soon as
they gets mixed up into words I'm
beat!'
The report Of wedding in Kentucky
concluded in this wise: The bride was
far from being handsome. but her father
threw in a span of horses and seven
mules, and the bridegroom was salts.
fed
The want most felt at Long Branch is
young men, That is the want every
where in modern high life The tailor's
dummy, the girls find, lacks virility and
becomes painfully useless except as an
object Of refreshing contempt. It does
a foolish woman good to feel she's not
the most contemplate creature in the
world.
"I've know'd dat mule fur free yeahs,
an don't tink dat de animile. would
hurt lam, causen This blank
space indicates where the lecture was
interrupted, and the niger forwarded
to the other side of the fence. Mules
will stretch their limhes at times, you
know.-Sduannah Adcertiser
An Oregon paper says; "When a
young lady living on the line of the
California & Oregon railroad wants to
get married, she only takes one refusal
to give consent from 's'ern parents, and
then seeks her lover true with the re-
mark: "Smithe, my boy, we'd better
cantcr down to The gospel shop; it's no
use waiting for those idiots to become
sane again" :"
A Red Oak man has invented an easy
method Of killing the potato bug. He
shuts the bug mp liz a room forty-eigbt
hours and allows it to eat nothing but
salt. Then when he lets the insect out
it makes straight shoot for the nearest
creek to get drink, and the chances
are ten to one, il there is no creek
nearer than ten miles, that some wagon
will run over the bug and smash it be-
fore it gets back to the potato patch
i Burlington HaWkeye.
A ragged, follorn-looking boy was
strolling around the southern depot yes.
terday, smoking the stub of cigar,
when philanthropist in waiting for the
train handed out ten cents and remark
ed: Aaei
"Take it, bub; feel sorry for you"
"N) yer don t." exclaimed the boy,
drawing back.
why, it's free sgift-I. don't ask
anything for it, replied the man.
81 know you," continued the boy, his
eyes twinkling; "you want me to prom
Use to grow up and become President,
and amt going to tie myself for any
mans ten cents J"
1 She tried to sit down in the street car,
but was pinned back so tight she
couldn't. Old lady peeped over her
specs and asked her, allow long have
you been afflicted that way p. The
young lady blushed and made "a break,
, sitting down sideways, and holding her
knees together so tight that she looked
like she had on one.legged pair OF
breeches. Old lady noticed her sitting
down in this side-wise, cramped posi-
ton, and whispered, sBile! s'pose I've
had 'em thar myself" But she pulled
the strap and chopped out" ."-Louisuille
: Courier. Journal.
! When an Indiana editor sees anything
D in the other paper that doesn't please
a him, he might be expected to say: awe
! see that our able contemporary the Sen
;. tinel ,on-the Watch Tower, has commit
# ted slight error in saying that we hat
lost subscriber in Pumpkin County
;. last week; but we feel sure that in ma
o king this assertion he meant no injur,
: to our business" That is not, howev
J. er, the way the editor does. He get
5 down to his work and he says: "If tn
IT miserable, flee bitten fee-snatcher VIII
a. edits the Nose rag can get the subscri
,r ber we lost last week he is welcome t
him When a man is horse thief W
say that he is horse-thief, and b
can stop his naner as often as he pleas