The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1875-05-06
Bill VS., Hal.

! Mr.. Editor My friend Bill does the
/ good people of Bethany great injustice,
! for ii their ever was a wide awake peo-
/ pie it is those living in the vercinety of
Bethaney, but stupidity never failes to
] recon all with itself.
! Who ever herd of dOgwoOd blossoms
/ produsing grave questions? l don't
/ knOwe wether Bill wants to be bOtaui-
ceal, Sublime, eloquent, pOetical, or
/ has a streak of the SCOT LOvingoOd fam
uley running threw his vains. Who
ever herd of making quantety of NEW
! dresses, halling lumber, building barnes,
/ large crops of wheat, battling for the
/ bride wreath, speaking hopeful of the
/ future, building mamOth shops thirty
! by twenty, speaking SIX differant Ian
guagues, teaching Bethany high school,
being grave questions, except friend
! Bill? l am by him like the drunk man
was by the Northern Methodist preach
er when he accused him OF being drunk,
/ fer vomiting in church. The drunk
man said he was not drunk, but, sir, the
dOctering you prech would puk buzz
card.
! My friend Bill says since the passage
| of the dog law, evrey day some dog
sperit departs. Dees he mean that men
are still drinking mean whiskey and
/ sperits are departing in that way ? or
does he mean that the canine race are
immortal? If the latter Is what he
means, that explains why the legesla-
ture taxi the dogs. But l must confess
it is the first time l ever red of dogs
having soles. The bible don't say that
the one that Iickt Lazzeres sores was
saved or went of with Diveas. No
Bill, you cant get that stuff down my
neck, gump as l am; and you Will new
get anney man of brains to believe it.
And if you hope to make the impress
ion on the world that you have brains
You will force them to express the Opin-
ion of you, that old Doctor Francis did
of me when l got the chinch in my ear
and went to him to get it out. told
him to be in a hurry, for it was eating
up my brains, and he cOOlily replyed,
well if it does it wont get much of
mess.
Bill makes a sad mistake when he
says | happen to live in the vercinety
of Bethany. My living hear is just like
my being horned, it was all premedeta-
ted and done on perpose.
Mr.. Editor l do love sausage and
minis pie and all other good things, and
have a good vols for eating them. But
Bill says we all can testafy to the same.
| Who dose he mean by we? l suppose
he means himself, and from his riting l
| infer he belongs to the famuley Equi-
/ due and genus Asinus, distinguished by
| long ears and upright maine, a turft tail,
a streak along the back and across the
shoulders, and pecularley harsh bray.
Bill says, to say that l need all the soft
soap that state factOrey could furnish
would hardley be doing me justice.
| Now that is kind in Bill to ask for the
soap for me, for l FARTHER hated to
ask the State, in her present embarest
condition, for soap enough to clean Bill
up and make a decent man of him.
And then he offers to beg the funds to
| by the buttons and l think he had better
| beg the clothing ut the same time, for
| if his body is as necked as his mind,
| he is in a woful condition to appear in
decent sOsiety.
! Mr.. Editor haven't the honor of the
! personal acquaintance of Bill. All ]
knOwe of him is from carectOr. l
wonder if he is a grand child or grand
nGffiew of Dollcy Warden or what of
! kin he is to her. Bill and Dolley are
| the only two l ever heared of except
the gals cat. She'd named it DOlley and
the cat Mapped to be a mail and she
called it Bill. l cant tell you what
/ friend Bill fOllOweS or wheir he lives.
And all l know of DOlley is when she
was shipt from London to Ammerica.
! She only sold in the State of Verginia
! for twenty-five pounds of tobacco. And
of cOrse she does not belong to first or
second familys of that commonwealth.
Dolley must have ben some kind ofmac-
chanic from the fact of her being an
expert in handling all kinds, sorts and
variety of tools. So says tradition Is
all l know about the Warden family.
l think Bill and me had better get Drs.
MancOq and Frankling to transfuse
some brains into our heads or shut our
mouths, and stop TWO hog holes. Such
chaps as Bill and me riting for the pa
per is worse resumption than was mus
TOns when they overlook the appels
flOting down the river and said how us
appels doe Swim.
r. H. WYNNE.