Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-12-01
Miscellaneous Items.

ro 40 oiuer TO quarry VOCer.
IHE dentists epitaph: "He is filing
his last cavity"
AN old boy of 50, Adam Seitz. recent
ly applied for admission to tho Ralti-
more Orphan Asylum on the ground
that both his parents were dead.
THE Postmaster Generals new fast
train is called the" Widow" it fetcbes
the mails SO much quicker than any
other train.
CARLYLE has the nerves of his hand so
shattered that he cannot write him
self. He is obliged to employ an
amanuensis.
Tom TAYLOR has written a play on the
story OF Anne Boleyn, which is to be
brought out at the Haymarket Theatre,
London, during the holidays.
DIR. HALL says person should 60 to
sleep with his face to the wall. Bates
says 81 s'pose that's the healthy way;
but it's mighty unsociable."
The latest Eastern novelty is q Jour
nal to be establish ed in CoDstantinople
for the benefit Of the harem ladies. The
name OF ats Brooklyn correspondent is
not yet announced.
The topazis the jewel for a ring given
IN November, PROBABLY for the reason
that 1t is about the last month In the
year the topaz are used-along the line
OF the Erie. -Bufolo Courier.
KING VIcroR EMANUEL and the roya
family of Italy are said to he about as
proficient in the italian language as a
Yorkshire or Somersetshire squire of
III cob = - - L.
M. THEIRS said in his recent speech
" If military glory is sur wpich is
sometimes yelled with clouds, the glory
OF civilization is sun which never
ceases to shines"
1.-THE question is again agitated,
Shall women be permitted to pass the
hat in our churches ?" 4 few years
ago, when hoops were in vogue, the
LADIES conldnt "pass a nat in the
aisle without dragging it mp to the pew
they entered. But the present style of
dress permits them to pass the hat easy
enough. -NorristoaU Herald.
A TRAVELLER visiting q cathedral
was shown by the sacristan, among the
nlarvels, q dirty, Opaque glass phial.
After cycling it some time the traveller
said, ''Do you cali this relic? Why
it is empty" "Empty!" retorted the
sacristan Indignantly. SSH, it con-
tains some of the darkness that Moses
spread over the land of Egypt"
AN UNDERsTASD1NG.-B recent
mutual understanding between scientific
and learned men, it has been agreed
that when one of them makes a mistake
errs in historical point, or any such
thlng-it shall not be said that he is ig-
norant or that he has lied, but that he
is only victim of 8 heteraphemy.'
SHE was brushing his hair and he en-
joyed being fused over amazingly.
Rolling up his eyes, he said: s'My dear.
why was Columbus when he first land
ed IN America like ne now % She
couldn't tell him, and he explained:
because he was tickled at being fused
over"
IT is related that when Mrs. MOLLY
Richardson, late of Baldwin, Maine,
was III her ninetieth year,a she was one
day eating fine apple she remarked
that she would like to raise some fruit
of that kind She therefore planted
the seeds, one of which sprouted and
became a thrifty tree. Mrs. Richard
son lived to be ninety seven years old,
and ate fruit from the tree.
A MODERN Brummel wears his
trouse1svery loose and flowing now. The
wind beats the material about his
limbs like the sails of O ship on the
mast, and we wonder he does not some
times become entangled in them. He
Is very, very al y this fall, and carries
a walking stick as a specimen of the
big trees in California.
AN elderly woman in Chicago has
been left five shares of stockin the West
Division Railway Company. She now
passes all her time in riding on the cars,
paying her fare every trip. When
asked the reason for he apparent ex-
travagance she replied that she wanted
to increase the revenues of the com
pany. eth all come, back to me in
dividends" she said, SO that the more
[ expend the better off I am; don't YOU
see ?"
Some of the leading Good Templars
OF England recently consulted Cardinal
Manning with the idea Of obtaining
Pontifical sanction to members OF the
LSCIHau CdGLlOilC CHlICn belonging 70
the Good Templar Order. Cardinal
Manning gave very decided express
sion to his great sympathy with the OBJ
jects and aims of the order, wishing its
operations God speed, but held out no
hope Of the removal of the introduction
which forbids Roman Catholics to join.
A DOCTOR went out west to practice
his profession. An old friend met him
ON the street one day and asked him
how he was succeeding in his bust
ness. "First rate" he replied. 'sI've
had one case.' s'Well-and what was
that?'' sit was birth p said the doc
tor. 'sHow did you succeed with that?"
"Well, the old woman died, and the
child died. But I think I'll save the
old man yet p
ONE DIR. Bethune used to tell a good
story about two Scotchmen, who came
to this country several years ago.
IS What's the matter, Andrew, that ye
seem sac troubled this morning % q