The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-03-24
THE MAN WHO swoRE orr.


He had been in the habit of taking
three or four 'nips' per day for tho last
fifteen years, but on New Years morn.
ing he arose and said to his wife:
s. Mary Jane Sinner, here I've been
squandering at least dollar week
for more than a dozen yearsP
But 1 thought you said glass now
and then aided your Digestion she re-
piled.
.'All fudge and nonsenseP he con-
tinued that was only an excuse to sat.
isfy my own conscience
And I've heard you say that it
made you sleep better-helped you to
have clear head she said.
'Nonsense-~wors kind of bosh I've
drank up $500 in the last dozen years,
and it hasn't benefited me one cent
'Wellp.a
well, I'm going to quit. I'm GO
ing to commence now. No more drink
for Sinner after thisl'
Good boy-noble husband she
said, patting him on the chin; now
you begin to talk like Roman. Now
you are going to test your stamina ?
Sinner felt pulled up with pride for
an hour or two, and then he began to
feel a goneness along down his throat.
He drank water, cold coffee and milk
and got through with the day; al
though when he went to bed he dream
ed he was flask of brandy and that
a member of Congress was carrying
him in his coat tail pocket. At mid.
night he awoke with his thumb in his
mouth, just on the point of taking a
ten cent drink, and at daylight be in
quired of his wife whether it was the
year 1875 or 1876.
That forenoon while he sat in his
Office meek looking stranger entered
took paper from his pocket and said
that he was soliciting aid for the Kan
sas grasshopper sufferers.
'Grasshoppers he hanged + exclaim
ed Sinner, The next fraud who comes
in here will get his neck broken =
His chief clerk spoke to him about
ordering some goods, and he whirled
around and said he wouldn't order an,
other dollars worth of goods in ten
years. A young man called to secure
q place and Sinner threw the coal
stove shaker and hit him on the ear.
When he went to dinner he Aattered
himself little that he had succeeded
in curbing his inclination to drink,
and his wife patted him on the shoul.
der and whispered;
Samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Car Of Russiar 7
Going down town again he entered
a saloon and asked the saloon keeper
if he honestly thought that moderate
amount of brandy would effect the
health. The saloon-keeper was sure
it wouldn't. The bottles looked good
to Sinner, and there was q pleasant
smell as he leaned over the bar.
| When he reached his Office he kick.
ed chair over, hoisted the spittoor
across the room, and sat down and
dated letter 1877. A lady called tc
have him subscribe something for q
new Sunday school, and he bristled VI
and yelled:
No, sir-not red Sunday schools
are killing The business interests o
this country +
After about an hour he went ou
and asked doctor if three drinks o.
gin per day would hurt any one. TIL,
doctor thought not if they were lighl
ones.
Returning to the office Sinner hunt
ed up an old brandy bottle and sal
and held it long time and wondered
how they made them, and then threw
it into the coal box and went out OF
the street and asked life insurance
agent if two or three drinks per day
would hurt a man. OF course they
wouldn't replied the agent. Going
home to supper Sinner asked three Of
four more men, and they all replied
mo- When he reached home he sale
the biscuits weren't fit for cannibals
gave the girl warning to leave, anC
called his wife's brother who was ther'
on a visit, hnmp- backed willful liar
When Sinner went down town in thu
evening he asked three more doctor
if little brandy was hurtful. Ther
he went into saloon and asked fo
some pop. He WAS good while il
| drin kinfr 81 and thpn he osked IN lool