Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1875-11-20

do not mourn, sweet vile o! mine'
Because those ruby lips Of thineI
Were kissed by one WHO might have been.
Thy husband now
do not grisve because thy heart.
Ere Cppii touched it with my dart,
For him would beat;
S Hoes tn .a. .ns ei ea aif, . q @Mizpah" y hing
on's fWsa but meet.
sigh not that his arms were placed
some score of times around thy waist,
4 So sweet and slim.
All nc, my lovei the woe you see
Is mine because you welded me
Instead Of him.
Is there q country editor in the world
who can speak favorably Of a new paper
and not wish it success. or say, "here's
our Em
A New Jersey female institute con-
tafns ~thirty-four red-headed girls, and
the principal dispenses with gas and
other artificial light. - [Norristown
Herald,
''Union is not always strength" as
Sir Charles Napier said when he saw
the purser mixing his run and water.
A gentleman was examining an I'M
hrella and commenting upon its fine
quality. eyes" said q person present.
i.he fancies everything he Sees" "And."
added a th,rd party, SIS inclined to seize
everything he fancies."
"What is that dog barking at" asked
q fop, whose boots were more polished
than his ideas. 'sWhy," said a bystander,
.he sees another puppy in your boots"
Copy was out. The devil picked up q
paper and said, Heres something
tAbout a woman-must I cut it out ?"
.Noin Numbered the editor, s'the first
disturbance in the world was occasioned
by the devil fooling about a woman"
The fastest train telescoped a hog in
Hague street, yesterday. and threw the
squeal . mile distant [Danbury News.
PA, I guess our man Ralph is a good
Christian s'How so, my boy?" "Why,
pa, I read in the bible that the wicked
shall not live out half his days, and
Ralph SAYS he has lived out ever since
b Was . little boy"
The Rev. MI. Kalloch, OF California,
formerly Of Massachusetts,, thinks that
there In NO more sin in going to a theatre
than in going to . church festival: but
that Young men should not 60 to either
vhen their washing bills are unpaid.
Wiggles says that the only claim Josh
Billings has to distinction is .'hiz bahd
spelling" and he adds ':And eye kan
spel Wurs than hee evur daird tri tn.
Emmy mann thaght doant no hou to spell
theigh eigh weigh thanh 't-h-a,'
hsz noe rite to klame tn bee thee wurst
spelur inn theaz Youneyetedd Steightz."
HE was milking the river and fell in"
II the Rochester Democrats epitaph on
the milkman who was drowned in that
city the other day.
Autumn poets are requested to write
ON both sides of the paper; n printer
can then work while the other commits
suicide.-CN. o. Republican.
She used to keep bits of broken china
and crockery piled up in a convenient
corner Of the closet, and when asked her
q for preserving such domestic
lumber, she shot a lurid glance at her
husband, and merely remarked: "He
knows what them's for"
Probably the most remarkable sense
Of humor ever known was that OF the
German soldier who laughed uproarious-
" all the time he was being logged,
and, when the officer at the end inquired
the cause of his mirth, broke into a fresh
1t of laughter and cried, "Why, I'm the
wrong mani"
Briefly stated, our financial views are
these: Tiebacks are better than green
backs. They are in greater demand,
they are more constantly in circulation;
they are always boyant. dreadfully boy
ant; they are always good for their face,
and are always quoted above par, or
mar either.-[Burlington Hawkeye.
Mocking-birds are valuable pets in .
family of girls. 1t has been discovered
that they can initiate to perfection the
sound Of every species of kiss from the
inspirational and devotional to the par
oxysmal. When paterfamilias hereafter
hears any suspicious ''swee-peeps" from
the parlor, Angelina will explain that at
was only the mocking-bird." 1t is said
that q bird well-trained in this accom-
plishment will bring $500 in Brooklyn.
4 Dubuque youngster, learning that
tannin could be used to make the skin
% hard and tough in exposed places that
chatting and blistering would not occur,
acted accordingly; and now any amount
Of the parental hand and shingles has
20 terrors for him.
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the pre-
vailing extravaganza of the present day.
ealing attention to the costly baby
carriages in use now; while, when he
vas . baby, they hauled him around by
the hair Of his head.
At m auction of household goods.
near New London, recently, q woman
had made . bid on gallon crock, which
was worth about IL cents. A boy Tin
terested in the sale) slipped around to
another woman and whispered:
'.You Q that woman with the wart
above her eye?"
"Yss."
"'Wer, she says no woman with bow
legs can buy anything at this saleP"
The bsw-legged woman elbowed her
vsy INTO the crowd and put the price OF
the crock up to 80 cents, and as it was
'.knocked down" to her. she remarked:
81 may be bow-legged. but no old
Wart-eyed devil can bluff me!"-[Ralls
county (Mo.) Sentinel.
4 Vicksburg negro applied to a citi-
7sn. the other day, for a little advice.
asking:
mi. Thompson, would you lend Cuff
Jones forty dollars if you was me.
"Well, what security can he offer?"
"A morgidge."
"A mortgage! Why. what has he go'
to mortgsgesH
..Dat's what bodders me, MIR. Thomp'
son; I knows he don't own muffin but Dc
buds ON his back"
"Well, then. how al he give you
nortgage?"
..Datss de queshun, Mr.. Thompson
No. he can't do dat; and Use made W
my mind dat he can't hab de money un
less he gives me his note of hand"
"Jake, whar you git SIGH fine 'broid
cred shirts "a dat you had on at de meet
in las nightp" asked Pete, as Jak'
stood in the p~osto1ice door. trying II
stick q bent brass pin into the back o
his paper collar, and anchor that u. ticl
into position.
you doesn't pear to 'preshiate m,
circumstances, Pete"
II knows dat you amt yearned nut
money to buy de button on dat shir
ssnee I nod ye-I 'preshiates dat" re
Joined Pete.
"You'se of de track. Pete. and da
you'll stay till your mudder gifts to be
Washerwoman. You hear dat ?"
Pete signified that he'd heard enough
-EAtlanta Constitution.
A Detroit girl picked up a new bea
the other evening. at church. and whe