The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-10-28

uSUsS3 uut IL We OIL no Use. 0Cu
lna desperate moment | told him that
fo' The sake Of relationship I'D trade
votes-this melted him. Then be
asked me what Office l was running
for. Then told him chat I hadn't
made much Of ; run for anything yet,
but il | failed 10 get 10 be road %.
pcrvisor, thought thar I'd have 10
do some very tall running after sta.
ting the facts to Matilda. He said
ne was awful sorry, but had made
trade with another fellow for that of.
nee, and had got the votes Of . whole
grist Of his boys to boot. After this
my political Thermometer cooled
quite perceptably, but l made my nj
cest bow to . colored member, and |
chinned it TO him in my oiliest tones,
told him how I had fought. bled,
aud died, in defence OF his noble
race; and how anxious ! was to fold
him in my arms and call him brother.
Then he says hope you'd restrain
yourself boss, and not waste your
blsrney on an intelligent gentleman.
Fact is | has promised my vote TO
another gentleman, together with the
votes of all my seventeen boys"
Eighteen votes gone to - Halifax
and my political THERMOMETER crowd
ing zero. Ii was too much, l left the
election in . dszed condition, and
wandered aimlessly toward nv home.
Then got to thinking about what
Matilda would say, and ho,c she
,coutd act; when oil Of sudden q
happy thought struck me. The thought
was suggested by the remembra nee
of what the dapper little man said
about voting for ones relations, aud
by the nigger mentioning his whole
seventeen boys. Ny conclusions we're
these: . fellow to succeed politically
must have relations, and the more re-
la,ions one has the bigger will he the
vote and hence the better ih. chance
for big Office. Isu, how 10 get the
relations. Aye, there was the rub.
1t was evident however, tha, to have
relations one must get relations,
and to get relations one must
certainly have them. Th's poi, I
point settled, made long strides
toward home to talk it over with Ma
tilda. oh, happy thought; oh, bliss
ful moment. As ! journied along ]
gave vent to my pent mp feelings
with rolicking songs, and the most
joyous laughter, then I'd jump up
aud crack my heels, and say gosh. II
was too good to last. and knew it.
When my beaming countenancc ap-
peared in Mstilda's presence she
seemed quite agreeable for Matilda;
30 much 90 that took courage
and broached the subject At
once, / told her all about the
need of more relations, in fact,
told Matilda that we'd got to initiate.
Then Matilda asked me TO rise and
explain. Then I told her that she
had probably heard OF the different
imitation schemes, and that had one
that would kindly discount oil minor
institutions, and initiate your humble
servant into the best political posi-
tions in the land. Yes, Matilda, al
we've got to do is to just initiate
enough aud you and |, Matilda, can
be President Of these United States
and no mistake. Then we had quite
q little silence between us; then Ma.
tilda gave me one of those searching
looks that always startles me amsz-
ingly and makes me feel as though
something is going TO happen. Then
Matilda says, "Grimes, were you
elected road supervisor to-day
answered in nm innocent kind Of
way that through some inadvertancy
my name was overlooked. Then Ma
tilda's chair got too hot for her, 10
she came for me in her usual way
with evident satisfaction. 1t was .
lively combat hotly contested, but
Matilda soon had me at her mercy.
She 90, me down aud pleasantly
counted my ribs with the poker and
aHectionately churned my stomach
with her elbows, oil the time telling
me that she was road supervisor and
me the road, and she was hound to
do good job ii it took till Ch,ist.
mas. Then Matilda told me that she
would teach me system Of imitation
that I'd remember MS long as my
name WAS Grimes. Yes, she would
initiate me, that she would; initiate
me Nil over the farm and l could pick
myself up and contract at my lie sure.
Here ! lost oil consciousness even of
Matilda. All this happened on the
day of the election and to-day is
Friday night. My poor body is
mere wreck Of all its former manly
beauty, and | feel with the Psalmist
that "Beauty land poli,ics) is but
vain and doubtful good, shining
glass that fadeth suddenly But
peace, delightful peace reigns above
and around me, and Matilda is quite
doc,le for Matilda. | have read .
scrap Of profane history somewhere
that consoles me quite a good deal
for the los. Of my pet imitation
scheme, and 60 around grooming it
in doleful kind of ditty, "Grimes
weeping for his children because they
are not.
GRIMES.
Sprinpdale, Iowa, Oct. Is, 1875.