Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-06-25

SHaElIy SIays as hOmc IN cOlO WcatueI.
A matchless maid--an ancient unmar.
ried lady.
Plain sauce-An interview with Sara
toga hotel clerk.
Everyday chcerfulness is one of the
greatest virtues.
Dentist ballad-"O, who can tell the
jaws we feel?"
Read hottie trademark letters on q
warm cook stove.
Chicago is called the Insurance Com.
panies' cemetery.
The bump of destructivenesss- raj
road collision
Reticence may not be considered sol
sense, but it is good sense.
To "bone" turkey-Take it whe
poulterer is not looking.
How unjust it is to accuse bald Ill
man of putting on false hair.
John Henry wants to know if the Ohio
lottery law prohibits marriages.
How to make good puffs--S Send the pub
Usher fifty cents line for them.
"What can't be cured must be sold
fresh,' is what they say in Porkopolis.
The Beecher- Tilton literature has injured
the sale of comic almanacs this year. {
Brigham Young has sufficiently recov-
cred to sit up and get married occasional
ly-
1t will not improve your understanding
to have your shoes fixed by sherry
cobbler.
True merit, like the pearl inside an oys-
ter, is content to remain quiet till 1t finds
an opening.
Now is the season when people should
economic by burning almanacs instead of
wood and coal.-Terre Haute Gazette.
Kalakaua has left Chicago, and the
Journal cries out after him "Good by
KALI
The financial pressure is loosening.-
Even the days are not so "short" as they
were.
A little peppermint is better than brandy
when there is any trouble with your "truc
| inwardness."
Here's new view of the Christmas
stocking: The boy says he "set it, but
didn't catch anything"
Since the hard times struck Nevada
they have raised the price of killing China
men to seven dollars.
Gregory, of the Rochester Democrat
and Chronicle, hopes that Halstead and
Watterson won't fight-''they might hit
each other
That's too bad Boston is to have
convention of bald headed men. After
all, however, it may not be as unfortunate
as the great fire.
The Gardiner, Maine, Journal says that
there is store in that place in which
skull is kept marked: "This man was
drummer. Beware!"
Slas Card was married the other day,
and On his wedding notices were the words:
''No cards." But he doesn't know what
might happen.
'What station do you call this." said
man, as he crawled out of the debris of
railroad smashup. Devastation, replied
the conductor.
"a man who fears the Lord and can
carry home an intoxicated member" is
the kind of Sergeant-at Arms they want
for the Minnesota Legislature.
A Scotch divine recently praying said:
ooh Lord, give unto us neither poverty or
- o,,A cn1ovNon1xy n Nnvxf
he added, especially poverty"
Somebody says King Koffec is q wreck.
He must be miserable wreck, indeed, or
he would have more sense than to spell
Coffee with K Louisville Courier
Journal.
The young man who resolved to commit
suicide because his sweetheart married an
undertaken owes his second life to the
second sober thought that he might be
furnishing his rival job.
The Louisville Courier-Journal claims
that it was copy of that paper Mrs. Pot.
iphar wanted of Joseph. Very likely; we
always heard twas something wicked she
wanted. MI Sent.
As Lavender, the other day at dinner,
gazing intently into his plate, he remark
ed: "Only a woman's hair! It's very
sentimental, no doubt, but somehow it
gets away with my appetite"
Two medical societies met in Portland
recently A carload of grave. stones also
arrived during the day. 1t is not often
that the eternal fitness of Things sticks out
in this manner.-Portldnd Pres.
The Pittsburgh, Pa, toy is lightning
rod wagon with an insurance agent perch
ed in the rear. When the child is tired of
it, it can be blown up with gunpowder,
and pleases him and his papa, too.
Il hate anything that occupies moro
space than it is worth" says William Haz-
lit; II hate to see load OF bandboxes 70
of big words without anything in them"
Clara Louise Kellogg tells untruths.-
She says, for instance, that she wouldn't
marry the best man in America. 1t is
joke, however. She knows we've been
married a number of years. -RocAsstcr
Democrat.
A Maryland man whose wife dropped
dead few days ago, had the funeral put
off one day longer to get the balance of
his corn husked He said it wouldn't
make any difference to her, as she was al
ways good-natured.
How dreary seems each hour,
As it slowly, slowly goes,
To the man who sits in anguish
With boil upon his nose!
When Persian speaks up and says that
the Shah is an old, long-nosed rhinoceros,
he has just about time, before his head
flies off, to send word to his wife that she
needn't sit up to unlock the hall door for
him that evening Detroit Free hess.
Perplexed. Schneider, who has made
garment for youth, and found himself
unable to dispose of the surplus fulncss
which appeared when trying it upon the
young candidate, declared vociferously:
"De coat is goot! Is no fault Of de coat.
De boy is too tim
sAkgsod deacon. making an official visit
to a dying neighbor, who was . very
churlish and universally unpopular man,
put the usual question: care you willing
to go, my friends" "Qh, yes" said thef
sick man, 81 am" "Nell," said the sim
ple-minded deacon, II am glad you are,
for all the neighbors are willing"