Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-02-05
Fl UMOR.

A realistic poet with a bad cold seizes
his Tyre, and sings:
He pressed his face against the pane;
ut was the Christmas Eve,) .
A moisture gathered Oh his nose
He wiped it with his sleeve.
Here is poet who says: "I'm sitting
sadly on the strand, that stretches to the
waters brink; and as the day slips slowly
by, 1 idly fold my hands and think"
Whilst he is sitting on the strand with his
hands folded, his family at home may be
suffering for the necessaries of life. He
should skirmish around before the day
slips slowly by, apd secure a job at digging
d cellar.
"A Kansas farmer who offered to take a
Methodist Bishop from one town to an
other, fretted all the way for fear certain
bridge had been taken off by a recent
freshet. At last the Bishop was so annoy
ed that he put an end to his whining by
saying: 'sMy dear sir, l am an old man,
but never in my life went over a bridge
until got to it,
''In my fertile country said {, Leices-
tershire man, ''you can turn a horse into
field just mown, and the next morning
the grass will be grown above his hoofs."
''Pooh! that's nothing" cried Y orkshire
man; ''you may turn horse into field
in Yorkshire, and not be able to find him
next morning."
f1x,lt bo OF Vol
ley said: 'The prettiest girl in the Valley
doesn't carry herself straight enough when
promenading.' For a week after all the
Grass Valley girls stalked about like So
many bean poles; and every girl said, "That
horrd paper! Ma don't | walk straight?''
ssMake you a coat, sr?'' said suspicious
tailor to suspected customer. ooh, yes,
I'll, with the greatest pleasure. There, just
stand in that position. please. and look
right upon that notice while I take
your measure. ''Customer reads that notice:
s'Terms cash."
A rustic youngster, being asked out to
tea with a friend, was admonished to
praise the eatable. Presently the butter
was passed to him, when he remarked:
every nice butter-what there is of it,"
and, observing smile, he added, "and
plenty of it-such as it is.'
When Westminster woman detects her
husband sewalking crooked'' down the
road, she doesn't get mad about it, but
thoughtfully observes to her companion:
ssJaue, | shouldn't wonder if it was an
earthquake that makes John walk that
way"
There is no more beautiful picture on
the face of the globe than the grace and
aplomb with which lovely female sits
down on all ice pavement. 1t is touching
in the extreme, SO to speak.
Ex-Governor Bradford of Baltimore he's
declined federal appointment on the
ground that he does not know anything
about the details Of the office This is coll
sidered the best joke on this page.
A Cleveland youth of rather fast proc
Invites fell in love with parsons daugh- I
ter. and as clincher to his claims, said to !
the reverent gentleman, 'sgot my bottom
dollar Oh piousness.
A genteel farmer i'll Massachusetts,, re-
tired BostonioI, didn't know how to take
a wagon wheel off to grease the axle, and
so he bored holes in the hub and poured
i'm the grease.
He who is wise now buyeth his girls
little brother something nice land so getteth
The little rascal to make himself scarce
necessary hereafter
There's where a man has the advantage.
He can undress in a cold room aud nave
MS bed warm before a Woman has got her
hair pins out and her shoe strings united.
Horses can't call up old memories ike !
he rest of u.s. but most OF them remems