davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Said he: It's all nonsense to make SC
much fuss about these iron coal-hole covers
If you just go on boldly and pay no attention
TO en- you might walk over forty and no,
fall. Now / 1t took so long to brush
the mud and slush off that he lost the thread
of his remarks
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

1t Is generally believed in some of the
counties of Michigan that men will do more
plotting and planning to rob hen coop than
would be necessary to insure a successful
bank burglary.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

An old lady in town has become disguised
with almanaCs. She says If all the people
in the country were to stop buying almanacs
may be the printers who make EN- would put
in some total eelipses of the sun and moon
and some transits of Venuses that would be
visible here. '-NOrriSt0nn Herald.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

y Missourian who attended prayer meeting
with his daughter felt compelled to rise up
and remark; i want to he good and go to
Heaven, but if those lellers don't stop wink
ing at Mary there will be- II good deal OF
prancing around here the fust thing they
knOwr
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Fr'h, said an Irishman, VINO could no,
get INTO his cabin at Ballingary, his wife
having turned the key upon him, it's meseli
that's regularly locked in. In" said his
companion; in where" Why, in the street.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Benjamin Franklin occasionally tumblet
upon the truth. He SAID: The eyes Of Other
people are the eyes that ruin US. If all bu
myself were blind, should neither want 8
fine house nor fine furniture
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Congress tells us that dead darby see
cemetery clause, Civil Rights bilD Is of in
tinitely more importance than all the living
female descendants Of the grand old Pill
grims.-Sntrdger This narrows down the
issue as between cold Hams and old Ducks
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

e. For heavens sake lend me So said desti-
tute man to his FRIEND Il have had nothing
in my house to eat for four days but rice
Rice! said the other; If had known you
had rice would have come around to din.
ncr.' The SIS were not forthcoming
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

New York boarders object to the pudding
being mixed IN coal-scuttle, on the ground
that in these hard times the waste of fuel
consequent upon the pieces being cooked
with the pudding is a fragrant neglect of the
poor. .-..
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

1t is to The interest of missionary societies
to difluse lie statement by NJ. MEGA, a French
savant, that the flesh OF the Caucasian is bit
ter and salty, while that of the negro Is a
finer flavor and will keep much longer
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Theodore Thomas has discovered that
when his orchestra plays church selection
in one key, while tao organist accidentally
plays it in another, the amount Of applause
and praise bestowed by the audience is no,
In any way less enthusiastic.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

An Albany man who attended scientific
lecture told his wife that he didn't know that
Cohoes was such thunderih old town The
lecture man SAID that before the world was
made there was nothing but Cohocs.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

This is the way colored preacher at Rich
mond arranged his hearers for mutual con
veniencc: DE fore part Oh the church will
please sit down so lie hind part Oh &c church
can see dc fore part for DC hind part can't see
dc fore part ei lie fore part persist in stanin'
before dc hind part TO dc utter exclusion oh
dc hind by de fore part
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

When an Arkansas judge ascends the bench
the first thing he does is to feel under the
desk for the whisky bottle, and ii the tIpstaii
has forgotten to have it filled, legal proceed
ings that day don't amount to much.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Texas would have been a splendid place
for Micawber. When he sat down, waiting
for something to turn up, the playful nibbie
OF a tarantula would have turned up what he
sat down on in very lively manner.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

In making presents Of pcn-wpers TO their
beaus young ladies should state their use. \
youth living near St Johnsbury, Vt. Is wear
ing very large aud elaborate specimen, the
gilt of near and dear friend who wants 20
be considered as his sister, etc as a ncck tie
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

MOTTO C.-EsrATE OF ISAAC RlGGs. DEcEAsPD.-
~ Notice 10 hereby given, That the undersigned Admin.
lsrstrx OF the estate of Isaac Rgg ne of the county
Of La Sale and state of Illinois, deceased wiz appear before
the County Court OF said county the third Monday e
Ottawa in said county when and where all persons having
claims demands against said estate notified to attend
and present the same In writing TOR Adjustment
Dated this 2!st day OF December A. d. S,l.
ELIZA RIGGS.
dccb-GW Administrator.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

An honest iarme, being asked why he die
not subscribe for news aper explained pa
because my father, when he u,teu, III, INC
good many newspaper, and lave po' feac
them through YET
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

A Virginia City butcher told a painter to
make him Sigh which should read 'Multun
in Parvo Sausage When he got II, great
flaming letters showed him Mutton in POrkO
Sausage 1t took. three men.to get the clcaver
out of his hands.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

No more roastbecf, said he boarding
school miss, Astronomical safety admonishes
me that have arrived at the ultimate stage
of Geglutition consistent with dietetic integ-
rity" The old man said she need not go an.
other term.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

A schoolboy spelled sob, and then de
hnt> ! 1t thus: 1t means when iellcr don't
want TO ny aad 1t bursts out ITSELF
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

The Union Pacific locomotives arc the mos
extensive cattle raiscrs on the plains They
generally raise them about 20 feet
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

What is the Oldest lunatic on record? Time
out of mind.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

\ man who had saved the III 1f daugh-
ter OF Boston millionaire, ved $3.50
from the grateful parent. He vas SO over
come with the magnificent bounty that he
paid out every cent of it to seventeen organ
grinders to simultaneously serenade his benc-
factor
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Forty girls will run after sn,b with a
gold,hcaded cane, where one will shy up to
fellow with sound horse sense.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Why did she turn her back on the yoang
man. Innocent child She wished to make
an exhibition Of her new ovcrskirt.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

a corn extractor that has never been pa,
tentcd-Thc crow.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

A converted jockey has been speaking d
the receipts at church festival door as gate
money.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

Pcdagogue- First little boy, what is youl
name? Little bOy--JuIe. Pcdagogue-Oh
no. your name is Julius. Next little boy
what is yours? Second boy-My name is
Billus
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30
janl6-6w

MAST tR'sS 80 LEI Notice Is hereby gt,t
M That Oy virtue OF decree made and entered OF rect
by the Circuit Court OF LA sale county, state OF Illinois
the October term OF said court A. Si In certain
tnen pending In said court the chancery side tareo
wherein John H. Clifford was complainant and Isabella p.
Monday the first day OF February 1873 at the hour OF
ten O'Clock IN The forenoon OF said offer Tor sale
south door OF the County court House In Ottawa IN said
county ut public auction and Will then sell TO the highest
bidder the following described property. being the
ordered by said decree TO DO sold, taat is 10 say
The west halt OF lot six In block seven the
Harding IN the county of La Sale and Of Illinois
TERMS OF ShLE.-CRsh. GE)EGE VI. LELAND,
Dated January Z, l3,5.-iw Master IN Chancery
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

4 always thought l should never rear that
child said an old lady OF ninety on hearing
of the death of her son, aged seventy.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30

NOI'ICII.-EsTATE OF JOSEPH MAlERgofRR DxCp.
~ Notice hereby giyen that the undersigned, admin
istratrx of the estate OF Joseph Maerhoer, late
the county OF Ia Sale and state OF Illinois deceased, will
appear before the County Court Of said the third
Monday (behy tile 10 day. of April 1915, the Court
House IN ottawa, in SAID county, When where all per.
sons having claims demands against said estate are
notified TO attend and present the writing adj.
justnent.
Dated this 9th day of January A d. 1875
AUGUSTA MAIERHOFER
janl6-6W hdministraHiX.
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30
A DM R,S "a LIE OH
IA IL ECAll ESTATE.

ElNAL SEI,rLT;N7 fcN t. ESTATE or
l. MICHAEL RYAN, Observation-Disclosures is hereby given
70 all persons Interested In said estate That William z.
Henry administrator de bors the estate OF MI.
chae Ryan, deceased viii appear before the County Court
OF the county OF La Sale and state OF Illinois AZ the County
court House IN Ottawa In said county, on Monday the 18th
lay OF teruay AID 1879 for the purpose frendeng
count OF MS proceedings the administration OF id
tatf for the final settlement.
Dated ~ Ottawa, this 18th day OF January 1875.
VIM r. HENRY,
. Administrator de bonis non.
Attest: ". A. MCC iLEB
Clerk County Court La sale Co.. Ill. janis
The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-30
NEW CHICAGO Hide house

The highest price in cash paid for
either Green or Dry Hides at NO.
La Sale Street ;. JONAS.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17
ACCOMMODATING.
From the Marshalltown Republican. !

IRON the Narshalltown Republican.
An ambitious little railroad town 10 this
county was shaken from stem to stern by go
ciety happening" WHICH recently occurred in,
her midst. This event involves 80 wide de-
parture from the beaten track of human Gus
tom and divine mandate that the moral sense
Of the community was greatly shocked, and
even the gosslDs lifted up their hands to dis
claim against it.
til recently, did business IS druggist. Hisi
family consisted Of wife and an adopted
daughter The wife was an smiable lady. in
the prime OF young womanhood, and the daugh-
ter an intelligent and engaging young woman, |
who acted as clerk 10 her foster fathers drug
store. Boarding with the family was lite,arv
gentleman OF cultivated mind and taste, VIII oc.
cup'ed room IN the drug store, where Re de-
voted much of his time to driving the quill The
family circle composed of these four moved
along harmoniously until Cupid looked in mon
them, and discovering latent love in each hu-
man breast, he thence began making matches
not OF the regulation kind, occurring four
strokes to illumine the darkoass. but that of
b'ndlug general hearts and nands. -.,,
The literary man secretly cherished an ardent
admiration for the Doctors wife and the Doc
tor more than father affection for his adopt
ed daughter. Then followed a mutual discovery
OF these facts, mutual recognition of the secret
passions, mutual agreement to allow the
course OF love TO run smooth, !" mutual sep
aratlon OF the Doctor and his wi}e-oulmnating
al last 10 the uniting of hands with hearts to
suit their wishes. The Doctor gave bis wife
to the literary man and accepted the hand
OF D. bis own adopted daughter.
They pow form two families, the literary man
haVlog gone With bis new made wife to Join
me the graogers on farm not far distant. IT'S said
.he M doctor obtained adivorce from the first wife;
ena1 the latter marriages we're legalized in q
qulet way, ous this, if true, did not prevent
sne gnsslps from using the keen dissecting nife,
sna sbo Inc affair ,awakeue greater sensation in
.ae to"o than anything that has transpired
since the Beecher-Titon revelation.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17
ALEXANDRIA, VA, WEDNESDAY NOVEMBER II, 1875
BOOKS .4JrD STATIO.rER
SCHOOL BOOKS :!
AND
SCHOOL REQ U1SITES,
of every description, at
French's, No. 95 King street
BOOKS aN.D STATIONERY.

Just received q full supply of all the books
authorized by the State Board for use in the
public schools.
School and College Text Books, English and
Classical, at publishers prices.
States, Peucils, Composition Books, Book
Carriers, School Satchels, Pens Penholders
and every school requisite for 8 complete outfit.
New styles Papeteres just received, contain
ing the very finest English and French Paper
and Envelopes; great variety of patterns and
colors; very handsome
New Books daily. Constantly on hand all
the leading Magazines and Reviews. American
and Foreign.
Bibles, Prayer Books and Hymnals in beauti-
full styles of binding.
Fine Portemonnies and Card Cases, in Russia
Leather Turkey Morocco and Seal Skin; Rus
sia Sstchels and Travelling Bags
The finest American, English and French
Stationery, all the latest styles.
Just received full line of Blank Books, all
sIzes-Journals, Ledgers, Day Books, Cash
Books Medium, DENY, Crown and Cap, full
and half bound, Memorandum, Pass Books,
Indexes.
Owing tc the new postal law increasing the
postage on packages of merchandise from half
cent to one cent per ounce, the price of lot No.
l, five quires, N Note Paper prepaid, will be 35c !;
lot No. 2, SOC lot No. g. SOC; lot No. 4, 8Gc and
81; French Qusdrile same price.
Initial Notes, great variety of styles and
prices. Pierie's finest French Rep Papers and
Envelopes to match.
Paper, Envelopes, Books, Magazines, Re-
GEO E. FRENCH,
sep4 IS King street, Alexandria, Va.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17

r AIDES and CHILDREN'S MERlNO
IL VESTS, HOSIERY, SKIRTS, &c. Also
WURSTED PRINCES, in all shades, at y
FERGUSON & BROS,
oct @ 96 King street.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17
.RY GOODSI DRY GOODSl
Third trim North this season

DRY GOODSl DRY GOODSl
H. Third trip North this season.
Monday, Nov. 8, 1875.
FALL STOCK AT POPULAR PRICES.
We receive and open to-day q great many
choice styles OF gooos, and cffer them at such
prices as cannot tail to please.
Country Merchants will ind it to their inter-
est 10 take advantage Of our down prices.
Large line of Staple and Fancy Dry Goods
now on sale, viz: Blankets, Flannels, Counter
panes, Comforts, Cloaks, Shawls, Dress GooCs
in great variety, Brown and Bieached Domestcs
We %gery low new style Csilcoes very handsome
meres, Vestings, &c &c, together with great
many other goods. making our stock very full
and complete o. +. BRASHEAR,
II. b. HooMEs. No. 100 King street,
novS Alexandria, Va.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17

ELOOR STAIN-We have just prepared by
IL a new recipe 8 supply of very superior
Floor Stain, which we Offer to our customers by
the pint or gallon at very reasonable rates.
sep q JANNEI CO.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17

We have just received from one of the largest
retailers OF New York, who has declined busi-
ness, large and superior stock of
LADIES FIN SHOES,
of the very best manufacturers Edwin G. Burt's
and others) which will be sold at prices much
lower than they can be bought in any city in
the United States. w. b. WADuEY,
oct Is "a King street, Alexandria, Va.
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17
OYSZ ERN.

TANNEY'S OLD DOMINION TONIC
- BITTERS..
These Bitters are the extract OF the best and
most favorably known Medicinal Herbs,
Roots, Barks and Berries together with sut1'
cient Pure Old Cognsc Brandy to preserve them
IN any climate-iorming, in elegant comoina-
ton, superb Tonic, Alternative and Dluretlc.
They are confidently recomm mended in all cases
of Dyspepsia Nervous Headaches, indigestion
and Heartburn, Weakness, Langor and Deoll-
ity, Torpid Condition of the Liver. Obst!nsie
Constipation and Loss of Appetite. They ere
also sure preventive of Ague and Fever.
They are pleasant to the taste, and the most
delicate stomach will find nothing dissgreeable
In them. Along water courses and in low and
marshy districts they will prove q sure safe
guard against the diseases incident to such sec.
tlons Of the country. Weak and debiitated
females will derive great benefit from their use
In quart bottles, at 81 each. Prepared only by
JANNEY s. CO.,
and for ssle both wholesale and RETAIL at their
Drug Warehouse, lis King street, Alexandria,
Virginia. sep 2S
Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-11-17
DRESS GOODS.

The latest designs in Plaids, Serges, Cash
meres, Cretones, French Serges, Poplins, and
other STYLES too numerous tc mention.
BLACK SILKS Is specially; ss low in prices
as can be bought.
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-05-09
r. /. p.
[From the Cincinnati Times

IRON the Clnclnnatl Times.
The pathoscopic spelling mania is over and
gone; the logomachy has preterlapsed, and we
desire to express our grief at it's taking-off in
words BETTING the occasion and the theme.
When the photographed and orthoepical con-
tests were in syzygy, there was such catacysm
OF comment upon the subject, that we modestly
refrained from further augmenting the moles IN
congestd OF Grass dissertations. But now that the
thing is defunct-now that it is but a cneritious
Its joints, we come to the rescue-we scatter
myrrh and trankinscense above its ossuary we
bedew it with aromatic-bdellium, we write it's
eplcedIum and sing its coronach, and engrave
upon its sarcophagus all manner Of trope, and
symbol. and myth, even though we occasionally
lnquinate it with a catachresis.
But while lachrymation moistens our ciliiform
lashes at this gruesOme catastrophe and nostalgia
makes hypochOndriacs Of us all, while our poya-
cous lc mutations resOund through the ciIcum
ambient atmOsphere-it is we'll to recall and to
pyx the blessings that it has bequeathed to u.s.
Tachygraphy and helichromy combined could
hardly serve to present, within the space allotted
us, the uberous mental bonanzas reiauated at
the decease Of the suspirated friend. It is not
sinistrous, indeed, to asseverate that we are in
debted to this logomachy for cerebral pollutation.
for linguistic symmetry for pathological acquisi-
ton, for nooscopic intum essence, and for pneu-
matologlcal turgescenee, than to any ridotlo that
ever delighted percipient humanity.
Nor does this extended praise in any wise
partake OF sycophancy or diasyrmism. We tender
this obituary itself in evidence OF the incalcul-
able, unconscionable end aititudinous epuration
it has effected in our linguistic attainp ents. We
have agonlzed long in search of proper epitaph
with which to perorate our obsequial discourse.
ere the catafalque proceeds to the metropolis but
can think Of nothing so appropriate as the sad
remark OF Clown Costard, in cloves Labor
Lost'-"HOnOrii cabilltudinitatitbus"
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-05-09
How They Think.

"Aren't you glad iButtrick's boys cleaned ou
the red-coats at Concord, Paddy"
Bad cess to thin, yis: but where would yeef
have been but for Saint Pathrick and the Ninth
Wared?"
How do you feel about it, Fritz?'
''Yah, dast ist 80; I shmack 'em on der shnoot
NIT watch on der Rhine. swei lager and linn
berger. By dam, We stink SO proud as never
vOs."
Friend Sa wnie, how do you harness?"
"Ye ken mon, l talks my berty frae Robbie
Burns, the bonny TARTAN and the highland-dew
mon. If yees had had the Claymore and the
highland peeps, then the execution would have
been MAR to the purpose"
Francois, my gay Partisan, what say you ?"
Ma foie!. barricade a la st. Antoine and
. few bonnets rouge and petroleuses of the Fau-
bourg and perfide Albion would nevaire have
reached Lexington, neyaire. Sacre mile ton
nerres and cot tam John Boeuf"
''And you, Taffy, expectorate your feelings"
'EshnO dnprotsti eprmnosto denhkot emotion.
mxphOt epnh dnoht horht.'
''And now, John, what's the thermometer of
your susceptibilitles on this momentous occa-
sion 2"
'sBarst my bloody heyes, you know it hall
right, but it wasn't alf q foight. Why the bloody
ell didn't you let bloody cove know has you wus
comm. However, wots the holds, so long as
you're Apply. 1t wus hour hown blood has licked
US. and blarst my heyes hif hennybody else could
ha' done it or can do it now. Jem, I'm bloody
thirsty, let's wash the beagle down in pot O.
Louis Republican.
The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-05-09

For the Killing Of A. Bienyenue
He Is Acquitted.

The trial of the case against Capt. A. B.
Phillips for fghtinga duel came off on Fri.
day, and, after the trial had been gone into and
the defendant appeared, the District Attorney
stated to the court that he had not sufficien,
evidence to convict; whereupon the Judge
ordered the case dismissed, and ordered Mr.
Phillips discharged. Messrs. Whitaker &
Cotton represented Capt. Phillips, and Robt
Seals the State
The duel, it will be remembered, was
fought about a year ago, and Mr.. Bienvenue
was killed.
The party returned to the city Saturday
morning by the Mobile train. 1t was heard
at the Bay that another fatal duel had been
fought but few days before, in Mississippi,
on the line Of the railroad, and Gov. Ames is
enraged at the occurrence, as the parties came
from Alabama. Their names could not be
learned. The Governor says he is deter
mined to compel those desiring to fight to
seek other pastures.