Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-12-30
Mark Twain at Niagara.

Il
visiting this favorite watering-plac,
lately for the first time, and wa
well pleased A gentleman who was
with me said it was customar,
to be disappointed in the Falls, bu
subsequent visits were sure to SCI
that all right. He said it was so witt
him. He said that the first time h,
went, hack fares were SO much high
cr than the Falls that the Falls ap
peared insignificant. But this is al
regulated now.
The hackmen have been tanned
numbered, placarded and BLACKBOARD
ed, and brought into subsection of the
law, and dosed with moral principle
till they are meek as missionaries.
They are divided into two clans
now, the Regulars and the Privateers
and employ their idle time in warning
the people against each other. The
Regulars are under the hotel banners
and the Privateers prowl darby on
neutral ground and pick off stragglers
at half price.
| but there are no more Outrages and
extortions. That sort of thing cured
itself. 1t made the Falls unpopular
by getting into the newspaper, and
whenever public achieves that sort
of success for itself, its days are
numbered.
1t became apparent that either the
Falls had to be discontinued, or the
hackmen had to subside. They could
not dam the Falls, so they did the
hackmen. One can be comfortable
and happy there now.
| | drank up most of the American
Falls before learned that the
waters were not considered medicinal.
Why are people left in ignorance this
way? | might have gone on and
ruined fine property merely for the
want of little information.
And yet the sources of information
are not meagre at Niagara Falls.
You are something in doubt what
you ought to do, but you are seldom
in doubt concerning what you must
do. IT an infant can read, that in.
FAINT is measurably safe in Niagara.
If you room at the hotel you will
find your course marked out in the
most convenient way, by meaus of
placards on the wall, like these:
Pull the bell rope gently, but don't
jerk
'Bolt your door
Don't scratch matches on the walls
or furniture.
Turn off your gas jet when you re-
tire.
'Tie up your dog
IF you put your boots outside the
door they will be BACKED, but the
house will not be responsible for their
IULuEn.-
This is confusing and tanglesome
proposition, because it moves you to
deliberate long and painfully as to
whether it will really be any object
to you to have your boots BACKED
unless they are returned.
'Giye your key to the omnibus
driver if you forget and carry it off
with you
Outside the hotel, wherever you
wander, you are intclligeDtly assailed
by the signs. You cannot come to
grief as long as you are in your right
mind with so many instructions to
keep track of. For instance:
keep off the grass
Don't climb the trees
Hands off the vegetables
Don't hitch your horse to the
shrubbery.'
Visit the Cave OF the Winds.
Have your portrait taken in your
carriage
Forty per cent in gold levied on all
peanuts and other Indian curiosities
purchased in Canadas.'
photographs of the Falls taken
here
Visitors will please notify the
Superintendent of any neglect on the
part of the employees to charge for
commodities. No intention of this
kind is observed
Don't throw stones down; there
lulSub 10 peOpAO DcANW'
The proprietors will not be respon-
sible for parties who jump over the
falls More Sinking of responsible
ty-it appears to be the prevailing
thing here.)
/ always had high regard for the
signers of the Declaration Of indie
pendence. but now they did not seem
really to amount to much along with
the signers of Niagara Falls.
To tell the truth the multitude o!
signs annoyed me. 1t was because
noticed at last they were prohibiting
the very thing | was just wanting to
do.
| desired to roll on the grass the
sign prohibited it. And ! was just
in the act of throwing stone over
to astonish and pulverize such parties
as might be picnicking below, when a
sign | have just meetioned forbade
that satisfaction was denied me, and
was a friendless orphan.
There was no resource now but to
seek COUSQt6liOAt III sLS NOW WV
I drew my flask from my pocket, but il
was all in vain. A sign confronted
me which said:
no drinking allowed on these
premises
On that spot might have persisted
of thirst but for the savage words o.
an honored maxim that fitted through
my memory at that moment:
All signs fail in dry times"
Common law takes precedence o.
the statutes. | was saved.
The noble red man had always
been darling of mine. l loved tc
read about him in tale and legends
and romance.
loved TO read of his inspired
sagacity, and of his love of the wild
free life of mountain and forest, anC
his grand truthfulness his hatred o.
&rooohary and his generai mobility n