The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-12-25
Treating the Girls.

! People have noticed that one OK the hano
| soonest young men In Burlington has sudden
lly grown bald, and dissipation is attributed
as the cause. All, no; he went to u church
sociable the other week, took three charming
girls out to the reireshment table, let them
eat al they wanted, and then found he had
left his pocketbook at home, and deaf man
that he had never seen before at the CASHIER
desk. The oung man, with bis face afiame
bent down and said softly:
| ~ AL ashamed to say | have no change
with -"
"Hey?" shouted the cashier.
! IL regret to say" the young man repeated
on little louder key, that have unfortun
ately come away without any change to
Change twOy" chirped the deaf man,
ooh, yes can change five if you want it,
NO" the young man explained in terri
BILE penetrating whisper, for nall dozen
people were crowdlng up behind him, i'm
patient to pay their bills and get away, II
don't want any change, because
"Oh, don't want no changer" the deaf man
cried, gleetully. "Beeged to ye, bleeged to
We. Tain't often we get such generous dona'
tons. Pass over your bill"
NO, no. the young man explained, 81
have no funds
ooh, yes, plenty of fun, - the deaf man re-
DIIcu, RIOWLlS tIiCu III thO SbhVN'So''oh oht
noticing the long line of people waiting with
money in their hands "but haven't got,
time to talk about il now. Please settle and
move on"
But" the young man gasped out ~ have
no money"
eco Mondayg' queried the deaf cashier.
81 don't care when you go. You must pay,
and let those other people come up"
II have no money" the mortified young
man shouted ready 10 sink INTO the earth,
while the PEOPLE all around him, and espec.
tally the three girls he had treated, were gig
Cling and chuckling audibly
"Owe money!" the cashier said "0f
course you do 1915.
Il can't pay" the youth screamed, and by
turning his pocket inside out and yellingn mis-
poverty to the heavens he finally made the
deaf man understand. And then he had 10
shrek his full name three times, while his
ears fairly rang with the halfstitied laughter
that was breaking out all around him; and
he had to scream out where he worked, and
roar when he would pay, ant. The couldn't get
the deaf man 10 understand him until some
OF the church members came up to see what
the uproar was, and, recognizing their young
friend, made it all right with the cashier.
And the young man went out into the night
and dubbed himself and shred his locks
away until he was bald as an egg.
Quality EXTRAORDINARY -" Doctor" said
a Yankee farmer, entering the store OF viii
lage apothecary, "tha, ere ratsbane of yours
is fust rate"
"Ah certain--l know it, returned the ven
der of drugs, greatly pleased, don't keep
nothing but the pure things here"
"Sartn," replied the husbandman with a
twinklng nod, land, doctor, guess I'll have
another pound OF it,
Another pound:'
"Yaas; | gin that pound al | bought las.
week TO pesky old rat that has worried me
awfIlly, and | tell we il made him about the
ckest critter you ever see. kind o. reckon
how't another might kill him "
About on a par with this is the compliment
of a man who bought key Of powder FOX
blasting purposes.
"Say, squire" said the individual IN Ques.
ton, entering the store where he had bought
the pc Hder, dye know that ere powder of
your'n is risky stuff to handle:'
"Rlsky?' repeated the StOrekccper, not
quite comprehendlng
"Yaas-kind % dangerous"
"Ah-you refer TO its intense explosive
qualities"
Explosive qualities. don't know moth.
ing about that; but its the alliiredest stuff to
burn. Why, that ere keg caught fire accl-
anG I'm blamed if the powder didn't
burn half up aforc we could put it out"