The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-05-20
Wit and HIlmOr.

The best of fasts-Fast asleep.
The best headquarters Brains.
A LORD of the aisles-The usher.
WHAT is the form of an escaped par
rot? A polly-gone.
In Tonga Tabou only the sterner sex
is allowed to wear false hair.
In culling the flowers of poetry, no
one should miss Cullen Bryant.
A CLOSE observer says the words which
ladies are fondest of are the first and
last words.
THE chief reason why a Dayton woman
wouldn't buy Bible was because the
agent hadn't one containing any comi
pictures.
A cRUsTY bachelors objection to Ia
dies with beautiful teeth is, that
nine out of ten of tbera would laugh at
funeral.
WHEN the evil one is going to and fro,
and ND and down over the earth, can we
doubt that he is improving ?-Boston
Advertiser.
WHEN man has carroty hair, reddish
cheeks, turn-up nose and q sage look,
may he not properly be said to have
vegetable head?
THIS conundrum is respectfully sub
mitted to the best speller 10 Sioux
spells su, and eye spells i, and sighed
spells side, why doesn't s-i-o -u-x-e-y-s-
sighed spell suicides
|
lemonade with q stick in it second de-
gree, brandy smash and port wine third
degree, bourbon, brandy, old ale, gin,
rum and apple-iack; ; fourth degree, all
kinds every time; never say no.
THERE is one section of railroad in
the State of Indiana that has become
famous for accidents. Recent investi-
cation reveals the curious fact that
there is not mother-in-law in the
State unprovided with free ticket over
that road.
| coNDENsB.
| WHEN writing an article for the press,
| Whether prose verse, just try
To utter your thoughts in the fewest words,
And let them be crisp and dry;
And when it is finished and you suppose
| 1t is done exactly brown,
Just look at it over again, and then
Boil it down.
A FEW days since very pretty young
married woman, during dinner-table
discussion on Guardianship, opened
the eyes of the company and demolished
her husband by expressing, as her opin-
ion, that " the only difference between
the Ritualists aud Romanists was in
the fact that the latter burned insects"
Mr.. l.. II. CARLISLE, New Orleans
actor, was recently engaged by an anna
teur dramatic association at Kirksyille,
4 No., to help them bring out " Richard
I'LL" Mr.. Carlysle has nova deep scalp
wound seven inches long inflicted by the
maiden sword of Richmond, an untamed
amateur named Dick Picker, who "got
excited" and identified himself with
the character"
A STRANGER entered one of our
churches last Sunday evening, and
and walked the entire length OF the
aisle without any person offering him a
seat, so he started out. AS he neared
the door a man rose and asked II he
wanted a seat. "No," replied the
stranger, 81 came merely to look
around. I'm going home now," and he
went.-F'ankIin Comm Citizen.
A ScoToHwoMAN, whose name was
Margaret, did nothing but swear and
} abuse instead of answering the minister
Gay, Margaret, says he, " dinna ye ken
, were a. the sinful gang?" "Deil tax
: them that kens as weel as them that
speers," cries she. cay, Margaret,
, they gang where there'n be wailing and
gnashing of teeth" "By my from,
, then," says Margaret, t'let them gnash
that haze them, for dell stump have l
had for these twenty years"
, COUGHING. best method of easing
. a cough is to resist it with all the force
Of will ,,ossihIe rntil the accumulation