The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-11-05

] lluDbif dllA Nl'AiE1 UNIV
wretchedncsS.
4 CORRESPONDENT Of the jewish
! Messenger says: The small boy harp
cncd his pencil and wrote the advent
urcs Of the day. The diary was
passed around, and we admired the
| graphic description OF sea life coached
in sentences like these: "Jmc 18Th
| Very Ruff. June nth Rullcr to-day.
June 18th, To-day we went 81 uols.
1t is still very ruff june 18th, There
were not many at dinner today, and
liked the plums. June l9th, didn't
keep a diary yesterday. Mn said it
was the plums. 80 nots to-day
An aged colorcd woman in Calves
ton, when urged to leave her residence
10 escape the recent flood, replied:
II jess don't done nothing oh dc kind;
dc good book SAYS dat dc world don't
get stroycd by water again, an Use
gwinc to stay here ,uah.' In less than
two hours the house went to pieces,
and Aunty came padding 10 shore ON
a part Of the roof The old womdns
faith was somewhat shaken, but all she
said rs she made her way g. the higher
ground was, II jess clare to goodness If
dis ere isn't 'markablc.'
TuE husband and wife had ar
ranged that when one was drunk the
other should work, thus keeping on
every day But once John kept drunk
for three days, and came home in dis
trcss. "And what are you crying
about?7 asked his hclpmatc. "Oh, /
feel 80 unhappy" cried John. "Un-
happN and you've been drunk while
I've been working ever since day he
fore yesterday. DO you expect 10 be
an angel"
A WEALTHY New Yorker in Long
Island stopped a man who was driving
n spanking team along the road and
inquired whether the outfit was for
sale. "Ics," said the driver. What
is the price," "Filly-,ix thousand
dollars was the reply. The New
Yorker thought he wouldn't buy. The
horses were Lulu and I'lccty Golddust,
and the driver was Charley Green.
THE Picton Gazette says Mrs Rorkc,
wife of the mate Of schooner Union
Jack, which sunk in Lake Erie re-
Gently, saved her preserved peaches,
although the vessel sank i'm five
minutes. The woman who, with jar
Of preserved peaches in each hand,
can calmly await death l. worth hav-
ing, although sugar Is ten cents
pound. Oarcgo PaiIadi'm.
ONE of the street sensations ia New
Orleans last week was the hor-cwhip-
ping of "a gay Lothario by an indig-
nant married woman whose acquaut-
ancc he had attempted 10 form ON the
street. She made an appointment with
him and brought her husband along 10
see fair play while She whipped her ina
Solcnt admlrcr.
IL some churchc- choir arc per-
mittcd 10 sing their own yoIuutaric-
with which to close the service. At
the funeral Of q distinguished gentle
man of Massachusetts, the singers sang
Of their own accord:
"Bclcving We rejoice
10 see the curse removed
"WONT you cut open a penny for
me lathcr%" said a little girl when she
came home from school one day.
"Cut open a penny What do YOU
want me TO do that forl' asked her
father. Cause" said the little girl,
"our teacher says that in every penny
there are four farthingS, and | want
to see them
WE may wear our hair -hinglcd and
put on style and laugh at the China
men, but hes particular in his way.
Just because one beauty's nose wasa
little out of plumb at a recent sale Of
Chinese women in san Francisco she
brought only the ridiculous sum Of six
ty-iyc cents.
Az Iowa farmer who has five girl.
takes each one in turn Sunday after
noon and ruhs her teeth with AN onion
and quietly remarks: "Nonc of 'cm-
ever has q beau the second time"
"TuE hardest trial of my life slii
good .ll deacon Bancs, "was io ahed
tear no. the news that my wiics uncle
had died and left her 100000
GIVE husband, and diving %
marry again. is the biography of q
New Jersey woman.