The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1875-07-23
About Ice-Cream."

This is not a restaurant. this is an ice
cream parlor," she said.
"Then why did you ask me what l want
ed for? Why didn't you bring ON your
ice-cream ?"
She went after it, and as she returned he
continued:
"You see, my dear girl, you must infer
you u reason. 1t isn't likely that [
would come into an ice-cream parlor to
buy a grind-stOne, is it? You didn't think
l came in here to ask if you had any baled
hay, did you?"
She looked at him in great surprise, and
he went on:
eff | owned a hardware store and YOU
came, | would infer that you came for
something in my line. | wouldn't step
out and ask you if you wanted to buy a
mule, would II"
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring a dish of cream at
the next table, and the stranger, after
watching her for a moment, called out:
MY dear woman, have you found any
hairs or buttons in your dish? ?"
Mercy! no !" she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around and dropped her spoon.
"Well, Pm glad of it," he continued.
''IfyOu find any just let me know"
She looked at him for half a minute,
picked up the spoon, laid it down again,
and then rose up and left the ROOM. She
must have said something to the proprie-
tor, for he came runningin and exclaimed:
did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and buttons in my ice-cream?"
"NO sir"
"YOu didn't?"
No, sir, | did not; | merely requested
her, in case she found any such ingredi-
ents, to inform me-"
"Well, sir, that was a ME an trick"
My dear sir" said the stranger, smil-
ing softly, Ibid you expect me to ask the
woman if she had found a crow-bar or q
sledge-hammer in her cream? 1t is i'm
possible, sir, for such articles to be hid
den away in such small Dishes"
The proprietor went away, growing,
and as the stranger quietly supped away
at his cream two young ladies came in, sat
down near him and ordered cream and
cakes. He waited until they had eaten
a little, and then he remarked:
Beg pardon, ladies', bur do you OBJ
serve any thing peculiar in the taste of
this cream?'
They tasted, smacked their lips, and
were not certain.
docs il taste to you as if a plug Otto
bacco had fallen into the freezer?:" he
asked.
All kah!' they exclaimed, dropping
their spoons and trying to spit out what
they had eaten. Both rushed out, and it
wasn't long before the proprietor rushed
in.
"See here, what in blazes are you talk
ing abOut.!" he demanded. "What do
you mean byplug tobaccoin the freezer?"
My kind friend, | asked the ladies if
this cream tasted ofplug tobacco. l don't
taste any such taste, and | don't believe
you used a hit of tobacco in it,"
"WeI, you don't want to talk that way
around here !" continued the proprietor.
My ice-cream is pure, and the man who
says it isn't tells a bold lieI"
He went away again, anda woman with
along neck and a sad face sat down and
said to the girl that she would take a small
dish of lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken about
two mouthfuls when the stranger inquir-
ed:
Excuse me, m2'am, but do you know
how this cream was made-have you an
idea that they grated turnip and chalk
with the cream? ?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose up.
wheeled around, and made for the door.
The stranger followed after, and by great
good luck his coat-tails cleared the door
instant too o o to be struck by a five
pound box of figs. hurled with great force
by the indignant proprietor. As he reach
ed the curb-stone he halted, looked at the
door of the parlor and s~oliloGuized:
"There are times when people should
infer, and there are times when they
shouldn't. suppose if had asked that
woman if they thought they hashed up a
saw-mill in the cream she'd have felt a cir
cular saw going down her thrOat."-De-
troit Free P,esS.
The United States ship of war Cumber
land, that wa sunk by the Merrimac in
Hampton Roads in 1862, contained a safe
full of valuables. This safe was raised a
weeks ago, and is o on exhibition
at Washington. 1t is Old-fashiOned and
square, about the size of a tea.chest. and
is of cast-iron. 1t was lying onits side, in
four feet of mud. There are several holes
in it, one of which is supposed to have
been made by the explosion of a torpedo.
Through this a shower of $4,000 in gold