davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
Getting Married.

Every young girl nowadays, expects
to get rich husband, and, therefore, rich
men ought to be abundant. In the coun-
try we admit that girls are sometimes
brought up with an idea of work, and with
suspicion that each may chance to win a
steady, sober, goodlooking, industrious
young man, who will he compelled to earn
by severe labor the subsistence of himself
and family. There are not SO many
brought up with such ideas now, even in
this country, as there used to be but
there are some, and they, consequently,
learn how to become worthy helpmates to
such worthy partners. But in town it is
different, From the highest to the lowest
class in life the prevailing idea with all is
that marriage is to lift them at once above
all necessity for cxertion, and even the
servant girl dresses and reasons as if she
entertained a romantic confidence in her
Cinderella-like destiny of marrying prince,
or, at least, Of being fallen in love with and
married by some wealthy gentleman if not
by some nobleman in disguise.
That Is why so many young men fear
to marry. The young women they meet
are all so imbued with notions Of marriage
so utterly incompatible with the ordinary
relations Of life in their station they are
so wholly inexperienced in the economy
of the household they have been taught,
or have taught themselves, such ''noble
disdain'' for all kinds of family industry
they have acquired such expectations OF
lady-like ease and elegance in the matri-
monial connection, that to we'd any one OF
them is to secure life lease of domestic
unhappiness, and purchase wretchedness,
poverty and despair.
All this is wrong and should be amend
ed Such falacies do not become sensible
people. Our grandfathers and mothers
had more wisdom than this. The present
age is much too fast one in this respect
Let us sober down a little. Let every
young woman be taught ideas of life and
expectations in marriage suitable to condi-
ton, and she will not be so often disap-
pointed Should she be fortunate and
wed above that condition, she may readily
learn the new duties becoming to it, and
will not have been injured by having pos
sessed herself of those fitting station
below Let her anticipate always a mar
riage with one in the humber walks o.
life-and then should she happen to dc
better her good fortune will be more
delightful.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
SOME ONE TO LOVE.

Perhaps one Of the most positive proofs
that we have Of the souls independence OF
the body is our great need Of something to
love. Were We animals, creatures doomed
to perish after few brief years of life in
this world, that which contents the brute
would also content US To eat and sleep
well, to have ali easy time of it, would be
enough. As it is, we many have all these
things, and health to enjoy them, and yet
be utterly wretched. Neither can mental
food satisfy US. Some one to love = is our
hearts cry When the atmosphere Of ten
derness is about US, we rejoice when the
people are harsh or unkind, we suffer We
begin life wishing to love all people, and
beliving that they love us. Experience
hardens us. Our dear ones grow fewer but
as long as reason lasts, we must love some
one, we must at least imagine that some
one loves us. The parents, sisters, and
brothers that cherished friend whom we
promise to cherish until death parts US
these come into our lives and fill them up.
Afterward come the children, frail helpless
babies who need our care so much and
friends to whom we are not kin, vet who
grow dear to us Some have many loved
ones and some but one. God help those
who have none though they are generally
to blame for their empty heartedness for
kindness will win love. They are always
wretched, they often show their craving for
something to love by cherishing some dumb
animal dog, kitten, parrot-perhaps,
on which they lavish caresses, which better
spent would have bound some human heart
to theirs Pride or morbid sensitiyeness
may have been at the bottom Of their lone
illness, and these pets Of theirs fill the ach-
ing void a little. Some one to love? 1t
is the cry of the human soul, the note TO
which every heart responds, the bond which
will bind Us all together in the other world
where mourners shall reign forever.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
MELLOW SOIL AROUND TREES.

Unless the surface of the ground is
muched around young trees over an area
of six to ten feet in diameter, the ground
should be kept clean and mellow. Every
farmer knows that hill Of corn or pota-
toes will not amount TO much unless cult
waited, and yet, there are many who will
neglect to give the same care to Il tree which
is worth hundred hills Of either of the
former. In rich soil, trees may grow rapid
ly without cultivation, and no amount of
grass or weeds will rotard them but there
are other things beside growth to be looked
after. If the weeds and grass are allowed
to wrow up around the stems of apple,
peach or ounce trees, the bark will be-
come soft near their base by being shaded,
and thereby be in suitable condition for
the-recepition Of the eggs which viii even
tually become peach or apple borers. Take
any dozen Of young apple trees in the sec
tions where the appIe-borer is abundant,
and allow portion to be choked with weeds
and the remained well cultivated, and then
watch the result From cur own expcr~
ience, we believe that the chances are nine
to one in favor Of those cultivated being
exempted from this pest.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
ADVICE TO GIRLS.

Somebody gives the following advice to
young girls. 1t is worth volumes Of fc-
ton and sentimentalism Men who are
wrrth having want women for wives. 4
bundle of gew-gaws, bounded with string
of flaps and quivers, sprinkled with cologne
and set in carmne saucer-this is is no
help for man who expects to raise family
of boys on bread and meat.
The piano and lace fabrics are good in
their places, and so are the frills and tin
sells but you cannot make dinner out of
the former, nor bed blanket out of the
latter, and awful as such an idea may seem
to you, both the dinner and bed blanket
are necessary to domestic happiness, Life
has its realities as well as fancics, but you
make it all decoration, remembering the
tasscls and curtains, but forgetting the bed
stead. Suppose a man of good sense and
good prospects to be looking for a wife,
what chance would you have to be chosen
You may catch him or you may trip him,
but how much better to make it an object
for him to catch you. Render yourself
worth catching, and you will not need a
shrewd mother to help you find market,
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
OVER-DRESSED WOMEN.

am convinced, says a newspaper cor
respondent, that there will come time
when man viii rise and assert his prefer
ence for plainly dressed women. He is just
now ground into the dust with the tyranny
of over dress It annoys him to think that
the soul-harrowing skirts and sense-wither-
ing bonnets are sent out by the importers
to be exhibited, and that the goddess who
nightly gathers her laurels from mankind
is only touting for dry goods firm
Plainly dressed does not mean shabbily
or inelegantly dressed by no means. It
means, | think, appropriately dressed. Ii
is opposed to too-much and too-often dress
ed. \ richly attired lady is one Of the
abiding incentives to virtue and respect. a
tawdry and fashily dressed woman is a
standing menace to responsibility.
And here let me say that the church has
attempted this advertising business. | am
told by New York milliner that those
peerless ladies who appear in the sanctuary
ever Sunday in new bonnets have them
supplied regularly and gratuitously by up
town houses. The ladies recompense the
houses by mentioning the names Of their
firms when their bonnets are admired.
How shocked these dear creatures would
be if their beloved pastor should appear III
his pulpit on Sunday with placard on his
breast inviting his congregation to buy their
underclothing of Jones and Jobson.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
IL Haste to Harry.

In Russin Poland lately it was given
out and believed by all that the car had
sold six thousand Of the unmarried women
of the province to an Arabian prince, and
that agents were at hand TO select them
and take them away The effect was
instantaneous. The girls did not run away
or attempt to conceal themselves, but their
fear of the Turkish harem was so great that
they laid their hands indiscriminately on
the young men and made them marry them
Candidates for matrimony were 50 nu-
merous that the process was continuous,
and from press of business many couples
had to be put off till the following day
before their aspirations could be satisfied.
Neither courtship, inclination, nor prudence,
were given any consideration in the matter.
All that each girl wanted was husband,
and she was ready to seize upon the frs$
single man that came within reach TO meet
the emergency. To such an extent did
this 90 that at last the authorities had to
interfere to save the young ladies from that
repentance which the world says follows
hasty marriage.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
NO. 90.
Beating a Sewing Machine Agent.

They tell of widow, of Lcesport, Pa,
who rot the bcst-hcaven bless her !
of sewing machine agent. Her husband
some time previous to his death had
purchased machine, promising to pay for
it in monthly instalments. lie had paid
nearly the entire sum when he died, and
the widow was unable to make up the
balance. The agent called for the machine,
and the widow demanded portion Of the
money that had been paid This was re-
fused in a surly way. Then the widow
locked the doors of the house, putting the
key in her pocket, and told the agent he
could have the machine when he returned
the money, and not before '.;She took
hold of him. says the account, "and u
severe and prolonged tussle ensued, a
while the children screamed and cried.
The widow threw the agent over the hot
kitchen stove, and finally succeeded in set
ting him down on the top Of it, and held
him while he begged piteously for mercy,
For Gods sake, let me 90, and I'll pay you
back every cent your husband paid me-
Being satisfied that he was severely scorch.
ed, she pulled him off the stove, but helG
on to him until he had paid back every
cent Of the instalments, and then she gave
him two minutes time to take the ma
chine and clear out with it.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
Playing Drummer.

The stagnation Of trade has been severely
felt by all business men, and even that en-
terprising class of fellow-creatures known
as 'drummers, or travelling statesmen, de-
spite their almost inexhaustible inventions
and resources, have been obliged OCCASION
ally to yield to the pressure Of the times.
One of these gentlemen, who has re-
Gently returned from trip for Thistle
Bros & Co, Boston, did not show a very
large exhibition of orders to balance the
liberol expense account allowed him by the
firm; and Mr. Thistle, after looking over
his return said
'Mr. Rataplan, [ am afraid youssdo not
approach the dealer in the right way. [
used to be very successful in this line.
Now, just suppose me to be Mr.. Bigler, of
Scllout, H., and show me the way you in
troduce the house"
Accordingly Rataplan stepped out of the
counting room, and returned, hat in hand,
inquiring:
''Is Mr. Bigler in p
That's my namc," said Mr.. Thistle,
urbanely.
"My name in Rataplan, sir I represent
the house of Thistle Bros, & Co., of Bos-
ton. (Thistle in his character of western
merchant, here arose and offered the sales
man a chair, and expressed a pleasure at
seeing him. | am stopping with Over
charge at the Stickem House, and have a
fine unspoken lot of samples. which should
like to show you think [ can offer you
some special advantages, etc"
And Mr. Ratapan delivered himself of
a neat speech in professional style,
Very well, very we'll said Thistle,
II don't see but that you understand the
way to Get customers.
Excuse me, Mr.. Thistle said Rata
plan, Il am afraid you do not understand
the style of the Western merchants just
now. Suppose you change places with me
and repeat this rehearsal p
Certainly" said Thistle, and picking
up his hat he stepped out. Returning he
found Rataplan, with his chair tipped back,
hat cooked fiercely over his right eye, his
heels planted on Thistle's polished desk,
and lighted cigar between his teeth.
Thistle looked little staggered, but
nevertheless commenced:
''Is Mr.. Bigler in p
YES, he is, responded RatapIan, blow
ING cloud of pure Connecticut smoke into
Thistlcs eyes. ':Who in -- are you?
Il represent the house of Thistle Bros.
& Co" said the astonished employer,
coughing out about a quart Of smoke from
his throat.
The blazes you do Are you one Of
that concern 2"
'No, sir, am not, said Mr. Thistle.
"Well, it's ID lucky you are not, for
I've had two drummers to one customer in
my store the last two months, and if
could get hold Of one Of the blasted fools
that sent EN- out at this time, I'm darned
if I wouldn't boot him clean out Of the
town of Sellout"
''That'n do, Mr. Rataplan," said Thistle
Il have no doubt you did the best you
could for the interest of the house. Trade
is a little dull"
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
ODE TO AUTUMN.

The grasshopper creaks in the leary
gloom, And the humble bee bumbleth the
live-long day But where have they gone
with the bran new broom? And what has
been done to the buzz saws play
Oh, it's little he thinks of the cold mince
pie, And It's little he reeks of the raw ice
cream, For, the dying year with its tremu-
lous sigh Shall waken the lingering loon
from his dream
O, list For the cricket now far and
near, Shrilfully singeth his roundelay, And
the negligent noodle his noisy cheer, And
where the doodlebug eats the hay.
Oh, the buzz saw so busily buzzes the
stick, And bumblng the humble bee bum
bleth his tune While the crickets crick-
ingly down at the creek, And the noodle
calls noisily out, 1t is noon 7
The dog fennel sighs, She is here she
is here And the smart-weed says dream
lily, Give US rest 7 The hop vine speaks
tenderly, Give us beer, And the jimson
weed hollers, oh, pull down your vest
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
To Make Mince Pie.

Hash five pounds beef with three pounds.
Of apples one-third pound chopped raisins,
add three tablespoons spice, and cook three
minutes add three tablespoons cinnamon,
and stir three times add mace and pep
per and caraway and Glove, and corinder
and dried goosebcrries, and salt and citron,
and keep tasting till you are sure it is right;
then set the pan in chair and add one
quart boiled cider, one teacup vinegar, two
dozen prunes without the stones, gill of
white brandy if you can get it, wine glass
of rosewater, and four pulverized nutmegs;
next add two cups of butter and one cup
salt cook fifteen minutes Taste and put
the spoon back if you have anything else
in the house you would like to put in YOU
can do so, only exercise discretion in all
your experiments bake in the oven and
set away in the cellar till your mother-in-
law comes visiting Detroit Free Press.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
Treating the Girls.

People have noticed that one Of the
handsomest young men in Burlington has
suddenly grown bald, and dissipation is
attributed as the cause. All, no he went
to church sociabe the other week, took
three charming girls out to the refresh
ment table let them eat all they wanted,
and then found he had left his pocketbook
at home, and deaf man that he had never
seen before at the cashiers desk. The
young man, with his face afamc, bent down
and said softly:
Il am ashamed to say have no change
with
Hey y shouted the cashier.
II regret to say" the young man re-
peated on little louder key, ''that [ have
unfortunately come away without any
change to-
"Change two p chirped the deaf man,
"Oh, yes, | can change a five if you
want it.
"No," the young man explained in a
terrible penetrating whisper, for half a
dozen people were crowding up behing
him, impatient to pay their bills and get
away, II don't want any change, be
cause -
ooh, don't want no change? 2" the deaf
man cried, gleefully "Bleeged to ye,
'bleeged to yc Tain't often we get such
generous donations Pass over your bill. !"
"No, no" the young man exclaimed,
II have no funds -
ooh, yes, plenty of fun, the deaf man
replied, growing tired Of the converation,
and noticing the long line of people waiting
with money in their hands but haven t
got time to talk about it now. Please
settle and move on"
'sBut," the young man gasped out, 81
have no money
''Go Monday ?" queried the deaf cash
ier "I don't care when you go. You
must pay, and let these other people come
up"
II have no money p the mortified young
man shouted, ready to sink into the earth,
while the people all around him, and
especially the three girls he had treated,
were giggling and chuckling audibly
cove money p the cashier said. "Of
course you do $2,75."
II can't payF the youth, screamed,
and by turning his pocket inside out and
yelling his poverty to the heavens, ne
finally made the deaf man understand
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25

And then he had to shrek his full name
three times, while his ears fairly rang with
the halfstifed laughter that was breaking
out around him and he had to sceam out
where he worked, and roar when he would
pay, and he couldn't get the deaf man to
understand him until some of the church
members came up to seq what the uproar
was, and, recognizing their young friend,
made it all right with the cash ier And
the young man went out into the night
and dubbed himself, and shred his locks
away until he was bald as an egg.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
CUSTOM WORK.

Persons having deformed feet bunions corns, or
children witt! weak ankles. crooked limbs, have
here of first class materials and reasonable prices
Shoes lnado To suit their
Having had large experience in New York we feel
confident that suit customers to qualities and
price all OF goods both for general and special sale
warranted TO be As represented Please give
call, examine goods and materials consisting of
SurgeS glazed French, Mat and French Calf Kid long
grained. Brush and Pebbled Goat Morocco French and
American Calf and Kip Skins, all of which will he
cheerfully shown to those who may call Intending
make first rate wearing article have nothing to
conceal either in stock make from the public but
would invite their closest scrutiny.
July 5 '75-tf r. Z. CRO1METT & co.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25

Two or three months ago a Detroiter
started to build him house, and rs he had
always heard his wife .jawing around about
the lack of closets in houses he determined
to give her an agreeable surprise. She
went up with him u day or two ago, and
he pointed out eleven different closets to
her and asked Now what do you say {?
We'll, she replied, after another look
around, IF there was another closet off the.
hall I'd be willing to live and die here ?
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
SOMETHING NEW
A SHOE MANDATORY,

The undersigned would respectfully give notice that
they have established at Williams Hall building cor
ner of George and Monroe streets Stroudsburg, Pa
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25

"There may be such thing as love at
first sight, remarked Detroit girl, as she
twisted a ''friz' around the curling iron,
'but | don't believe in it, There's Fred,
| saw him hundred times before / loved
him. In fact, | shouldn't have fallen in
love when | did, if his father hadn't given
him that house and lot.
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
SHOE MANUFACTORY,

for the making OF ali kinds of Lady's and Gentlcmons
and Chdren's Boots and Shoes and UppcrS. particu-
lar attention paid TO
The Jeffersonian. [volume] (Stroudsburg, Pa.) 1853-1911, 1875-11-25
FARM FOR SALE.

The undersigned offers ut private SALE his Farm sit
in Hamilton township, Monroe County, Pa,
BosSarlsville aud miles from Stroudsburg, County
scat Of Monroe, containing
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-01-28
Reasons for Interesting Facts in
Natural History.

Why have birds gizards? Because
having no teeth, the tough and fibrous
eizards are employed to grind the
food preparatory to digestion.
Why does black down grow un-
der the feathers of birds as winter ap-
proaches? Because the down is q
non conductor of heat, and black the
warmest color.
Why have ostriches small wingsi
Because, having long legs, they dc
not require their wings for fight
they are merely used to steady Their
bodies while running.
Why cannot eating animals
live on vegetables? Because the
gastric juice ola fiesh-eating animal,
being adapted to the duty which it
has to perform, will not dissolve veg
etable matter.
Why are there so many bodily
forms in the animal creation? Be
cause the different creatures which
God created have different modes OF
life, and the forms Of their bodies
will be found to present perfect
adaptation to the lives allotted to
them.
Why have birds with long legs
short tails? Because the tails o.
birds are used to guide them through
the air by steerage. When birds
with long legs take to flight, they
throw their legs behind, and they
then serve the same purpose as q
tail.
Why have fishes air bladders? Be
cause as the density of water varies
greatly at different depths, the en-
largement or contraction of the blad-
der regulates the relation of the
specific gravity Of the body of the
fish to that of the water in which it
moves.
Why are woodpeckers' tongues
about three times longer than their
bills? Because if their bills were
long, they would not bore the trees so
efficiently; and when the trees are
bored, and the insects alarmed, they
endeavor to retreat into the hollOws of
the wood; but the long thin tongue
of the woodpecker fixes them on its
sharp, horny point, and draws them
into the mouth of the bird.
Why has the elephants a short, un-
bending neck? Because the ele-
plants head is so heavy that it could
not have been supported at the end of
long neck, or lever, without provi-
sion of immense muscular power.
Note-According to Cuvier, the num-
ber of muscles in an elephants trunk
amount to forty thousand, all of which
are under the will, as it is to these
that the proboscis of this animal
owes its infiexibility. 1t can be pro-
tracted or contracted at pleasure,
raised up or turned to either side,
coiled around on itself or twined
any object.