The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1875-01-09
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

POPLAR Boards Of Charity.
BALLOONS might be used by police
men for taking people up.
If You plant a puppy, what would
come up! Dogwood.
A. IN his honeymoon, calls his wife
his saint; B, ten years married. sadly
echoes his amt.
THE Kansas City Jouanal speaks of
the Aldermen of that town as "gentle,
men with red ayes and noes"
WHAT is the difference between a
belle and burglar? One wears false
locks and the other false keys.
A YOUNG mother says that you may
always know an old bachelor by the fact
of his always speaking Of baby as
sit"
THE boy who ran away from school
to q go fishing all alone, and caught
himself in the lip, says he's got enough
of fishing on his own hook.
I say, said a rough fellow toa fop,
with conspicuous bow legs | say,
don't you have to have your pantaloons
cut with a circular saw"
NOTHING will test mans strength of
purpose and steadiness of eve so thor
oughly as the endeavor to balance an
eel on the end of his nose.
AUSTRALIA refuses to deliver up an
Archbishop who is wanted by the
Prussian police under the 'habitual
criminals act"
4 PHILADELPHIA mandatory turns
out 1000 umbrellas a day-about half
the number that are stolen in the same
time,
"Uncle, how do You do2 Which
would Won like best, work for wages or
part Of de crop" /" WAL | 'clar, [
tink bot de best, if you can only brung
EN- together.
4 COUPLE of fellows who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whisky got
into the gutter. After laundering for
some time, one of them said: Lets
get to anotherhouse; this hotel leaks"
HoTEL keepers justify the high prices
they charge, from the fact that they
have more "at steak" than any other
class. 1t is rare that we see the thing
! SO we'll done.
WITTY savings are as easily lost as
the pearls slipping off a broken string;
but a word of kindness is seldom spoken
in vain. 1t is seed which, even
when dropped by chance, springs mp a
| flower.
AFTER throwing eight boys over the
fence out of watermelon patch,
Clay county, Mo, woman charged
them especially "Now, see 'er ), boys,
you'll keep this thing up till We get me
riled.
YES, Job suffered some," said an
| Illinois deacon, :" but he never knew
what it was to have his team run away
and killed his wife right in the busy
season when hired girls want three dol
| lars week
"Do you think" asked Mrs Pepper,
g that little temper is bad thing in a
woman?" Certainly not, ma'am,
replied gallant philosopher; % it is a
good thing, and she out never to lose
| it."
| A TRUNKFUL OF rich costumes, iaces,
ETC., valued at $1,000, have just been
struggled into New York by woman
who pretended that the goodswere new
costumes for the Soldene Opera Bout1e
! Troupe.
1t 2" inq nirad Mr.. Spilkins of his son,
who had just returned from college.
i" Well, father, " replied the youth, pull
ing out his watch, "Iet X represent
eleven o'clock, aud equal ten min
utes, and KY is the answer Spillins
| pondered for moment, and then said
he thought it must be about bedtime
MAMMA, where do the cows get the
milk? z" asked Willie, looking mp from
| the foaming pan Of milk which he had
| been intently regarding. 'Where do
| you get your tears z" was the answer.
After a thoughtful silence he again broke
ont, mamma, DO the cows have to be
| spanked 2"
GRACE is quality different from
| beauty, though nearly allied to il, which
is never observed without affecting us
with emotions of peculiar delight, and
which Is, perhaps, the first object OF the
art of sculpture and painting to study
and present.
DIR. JACKSON, lately deceased has
been succeeded in the presidency OF
Trinity College, Hartford, by Rev DIR.
Thomas r. Pynchon. a graduate Of the
college and late Professor Of Chemistry
and Natural Science and tutor in the
classes.
THE New York Herald saws that
Syrian, an aged horse, carrying 10l
pounds, the winner of the great Shrop-
shire handicap, distance one mile, was
timed by Benson's chronograph IN
1877. As the best mile time on record
is Gray Planets 1:42l at Saratoga, no
turfmen in this country will put any
confidence in this report.
" GENTLEMEN. said an Irish orator,
" | am self-made man. When | came
into this country first / had only one
coat to my back. His rival jumpedon
the stand and declared that when he
came into this country first he hadn't
even one coat. He neglected to state
that he was borne here.
SENTIMENTAL arithmetic calculates
thus: Two chances make one look; two
looks make one sigh; four signs make one
waltz; three values make one paIpita-
ton; two palpitations make one call: two
calls make one attention; two attentions
make one fool sometimes two); two
fools make one Irritation; one Irritation,
plus two bouquets, equal to one en-
gagement, equal to one marriage.
KIND and considerably Maud who,
with Ethel, has inst been invited to go
for cruise in a friends yacht: "Now,
the question IS, whom shall we ask to
chaperone us old Mrs Busbee. or old
Miss Majoribanks?" Jack (whO is to