Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1875-02-16
II U n o R o U S .
"A Queer Mistake.

a queer mistake,
Although the first recorded miracle in the
New Testament was the converting of water
iuto wine at marriage ceremony, it is, new
ertheless, not always safe to imbibe even at a
Wedding, unless you know something of the
vintage. Mistakes will happen, as was the
case not long since with the Rev. DR., of
NewburypOrt, who was called down from lis
chamber to marry couple. The hour was
late, and the minister's wife, who had retired
for the night. did not rise to witness the GER
emony, but gave her husband particular di-
rections for the entertainment of the wedding
guests.
'.DOn't forget to pass the cake and wine,
doctor, /" said she, The cake is in the corner
cupboard, and you'll find the wine on the third
right-hand shelf in the sideboard.'
Tho doctor promised obedience, and, putting
on his garments, went down to perform the
ceremony When he returned to his cham>
Der, half an hour later, he found his wife sit
ting up in bed, with an anxious expression on
her face.
doctor" she cried, ''did you give them
any wine!'
Certainly, my dear just as you told me-"
stNot from the decanter on the third shelf
of the sideboard ?"
"That is exactly where you directed me to
find it, wife"
"Dear-dear! Did they drink much of it 2"
"Why, yes; they emptied their glasses"
''What shall we do!-doctor, 1 made
mistake-it was ipecac wine you gave them.
Oh, no" sick they must be! Do, dear, put
on your cloak and go right after them, they
cant have got far"
The minister found his bridal party at the
corner of the next street.
"Wbat made you drink the wine?" he
asked "Couldnt you tell by the taste that
there was something wrong about it?''
The bridegroom answered between his
qualms.
''She whispered to me that it tasted dread
full queer, but told her twas because We was
gettio' married ~
a PITIABLE CASE An Irishmau arrested
for highway robbery, on being brought before
magistrate, asserted that he was more en-
titled to be pitied than to be punished.
''Pitied ~ exclaimed the Justice, while his
eyebrows arched with mora than ordinary
wonder and contempt; 'aud on what account,
Pray3"
"Sure, on account Of my misfortune"
F'1our misfortune, indeed What That
we caught you, suppose ?"
sob, the jintleman that's brought me here
knows my misfortune we'll enongh."
But the gentleman astonished as the
magistrate himself, and was incapable of
understanding the eu!prit's meaning.
you will Owl, suppose" said his>wor-
ship, ''that you stopped this gentleman on the
highway 2"
20, yes; did the same.'
"And that you took from him ESQ in
bills?"
"Aud there your honor is right again"
"Wsll, then, you perplexing vagabond,
tSzhRk do 6u
'Sure. and the money wasn't in my pocket
shove week when the dirty bank stopped
payment, and was robbed of every shilin'"
AHARD DRINKER.-A horse-trader named
Lewis got away with lawyer in Judge Lind
ley's court in the following neat style:
'FHOw m1ny drinks b ad you taken that
day."
Zone or two generally drink when I
feel dry
'Well, how many drinks do you usually
take in day?"
Sometimes one or two; sometimes ten or
twelve. [ have taken as many as seventy
drinks in day"
''Ah! seventy drinks, did you say?"
eyes, l said seventy"
'tAbout how much did you take at drink ?"
''About half tumblerful."
"Aud you did not get drunk? ?"
E'Not in the leaat"
"seventy drinks did not make you drunk"
''No, stree"
"Whst kind of liquor did you drink"
''Waterw
t'That will do. You may come down."
ST. Louis Democrat.
This Office keeps boy who is paid fifty
dollars week to do nothing but sit on a
chair and yell, "Shut the door ~ People who
come up stairs on business are thus saved the
pain of hearing seven or eight men yell out
in succession.-Detroit Free Press.
- According to Cincinnati paper, John
Thomas was recently sued by Hester Prim
for breeeh of promise. John Thomas come
into COURT" shouted the constable. John
Thomas need not come in to court me any
more" said Hester, primly.
Times have come to that pass when
man can't set his house on fire, collect iu>
surance aud put on any style with the money,
without some one is mean enough to throw
ont insinuationS Detroit Free Press.
We had obituary notices on standing