Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-03-17
THE UNDERTAKER'S CHAT.

THE UNDERTAKEN CHAT.
"Now, that corpse" said the undertaken,
Mating the folded hands of the deceased ap-
proyngly, "was brick-every Way you took
him be was brick He was real accommo-
dating, and SO modest-like aud simple 10 bis
last moments. Friends wanted metallic burial
case-uothng else would do. [ coudu do it.
There warm going TO be time-aoy body could
see that. Corpse said never mind; shake him
up some kind of boX he could stretch out 10
comfortable; he warn't particular bout the
general style OF it. Said he went more oD room
than style, anyway, 10 last toal contalner.
Friends wanted a silver door plate on the
from.
"Now you koow fellow couldn't roust out
such galy thing as that 10 little country
town like this What did Corpse say Corpse
said Whitcwash his old canoe and daub his ad-
dress and general distinction into it with
blacking. brush aud stencil plate, long with a
verse from some likely hymn or other, and p ut
for The tomb, and mark him G. .. d.. aud let
him flicker. He warn't distressed aoy more
than you beon the contrary, just as calm aud
collected as hcarse horse; said be judged that
where he Was golog to body would hnd 1t
considerable better TO attract attention by
picturesque moral character than natty bur
ia case with swell doorplate 90 1t. Splendid
man he was; I'd ruther do for d corpse like
that'n aDy I've tackled in seven years.
''There' some satisfaction in buryiu' man
like that. You feel that what you're doing is
appreciated. Lord bless you, so she got plant
ed before he spilled he was perfectly satisfied;
said his relations meant Well-pertectly we'll
but all them preparations we're bound to delay
the thing more or less and be didn't wish to he
kept lyin' round; you never see such clear
head as be had-and 80 calmly and so cool. just
q hunk OF brans-that is what be was. Perfectly
awful.
1T was ripping distance from one end of
mau' s head to tother. Often and over again
he's had brain fever raging in one place, and
the rest Of the pile didn't know anything about
it-didn't affect it any more than an lplun in-
surrection in Arizona affects the Atlantic States.
Well, the relations, they wanted lurid iuner-
al, but corpse said he was down on hlummery
muuruers-d didn't want any procession-fl the
hearse fill Of mourners and got out stern
line and tow him behiud. He was the most
down on style any remains | ever struck. A
beautiful, simple minded creature-it was what
he was, you can depend on that. He was
just set on having things the way he wanted
them, and he took solid comfort in laying his lit
tie plans. ..,
raft of directions; then be had the minister
stand up behind long box with table cloth
over it to represent the cofin, and read his fun
eral sermon, saying, 'ADgcore, angcore at
the good places and making him scratch out
every bit Of brag about him, and all the high
talutln; and then be made him trot out the
choir, SOS ne could help pick out the tunes tor
the occasion, and he got them to sing Pop
Goes the Weasel, because he'd always liked
that tune when he was down. hearted, and SOL
enu music made him sad; and when they sung
that with tears iD their eyes because they loved
him), aud his relations grieved around, he just
laid there as happy as bug trying to beat time
and showing all over how much he enjoyed it
and presently he got worked up and excited,
and tried to Join In, for mind you, be was pretty
proud m Of his abilities 10 the singing line; but
the first time he opened his mouth and was
going to spread himself. bis breath took
walk.
Il never see man snuffed out so sudden.
All, it was great loss to this poor one horse
town. Well, we'll, we'll, | amt got time to be
palavering along here-got to nail on the lid
and mosey along with him; and if you'll just
give me lift, wei II shut him in the hearse and
mcauder alone. Relations bound to have it so
don't pay DO attention to dying injunctlons,
minute corpse'S gone; but had my way; If
didn't respect bis last wishes, I'll be cuss d.
consider that whatever corpse wants done
for his comfort is little enough matter, and
man amt 90 right to deceive him, or take
me to do, [ am going to do, you know, even if
it is to stuff him and paint him yeer, and keep
him for keepsake you hear DcY'
He cracked his whip and went lumberlng
along with his ancient ruin of a hearse, and l
continued my walk with a valua bic lesson learn
ed-that healthy, wholesome cheerfuloess is
not necessarily impossible to any occupation.
The lesson is likely to be lasting, for it will
take many months to obliterate the memory OF
the remarks and the circumstances that I'M
pressed them.
OPIUM CULTIVATION IN CH1NA-The Pail
Mall Gazette says: Opium cultivation is
making such progress in China that it seems
likely seriously to affect the importation of the
drug from India. The consumption of native.
grown opium has also, says Consul Medhurst,
in bis commercial report on Shangha lust is
sued, of late largely increased, whereas the
import of the Indian drug has been stationary
or nearly 80 for several years past. The usual
edicts deprecating the cultivation of such q
sernicions drug at the expense of cereals and
other crops, and prohibiting its culture under
heavy penalties, has continued from time to
time, and influential Chinese tunctionaries
have not failed, as heretofore, to urge the
crowu to take steps towards rescuiog the couu-
try from the too certain ruin which must be
the consequence. But all to no purpose; the
drug is so highly priced as an Alternative, and
the desire for it as sedative is so general
among all classes, while the local executives,
ale everywhere so easily bribed into CONN.,,
vance, that the cultivation is persisted 10 and
1t will no doubt continue 10 extend until effects
are produced which must eventually exercise
vital influence upon the interest OF the coun-
try al larna The snnnlu from India has for