The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-03-16
" Stop My Paper"

Stop NY Paper.
During the war there was a certain
| church, no matter about the denomina-
| ton, in certain town, no matter about
the State, in which, singular to relate,
there were developed some differences
of opinion concerning slavery and the
civil war. One Sunday morning the
minister who labored under the con-
viction that patriotism is a part Of re-
ligion, and that even under free re-
public it is the duty of the citizen to
render unto Caesar the things that are
Caesars, namely, love, allegiance, and
in time Of: peril, military service, gave
in cautious way, for he was eau
tious man, some expression to his SEN
timents. Thereupon one of the "pil-
lars'' of his church, who sat in the CEN
ter aisle and paid a large pew-rent,
took his hat, and slamming his pew
door behind him, stalked down the
aisle, vehemently and noisily shaking
off, for testimony, whatever dust had
by chance remained on his well-polished
boots. The church congregation, and
| even the town, were thrown into a fer
ment. Whether the minister would
leave his pulpit or the "pillar his pew,
was the all-prevailing topic of the street
on the following Monday.
Now it CHANGED that, that week, that
very Monday, for aught we know, Mr..
John B. Cough was to speak in the
aforesaid town, and i our recollection
serves us Alright, in that identicle church
which, being the largest audience-rooom
in the place, served as & lecture hall.
And the parson and the "pillar'' both
occupied prominent seats upon the plat
form when MIR. Cough, in complete OBJ
livion of the recent small civil war in
that community, arose to speak, which
he did with an introduction somewhat
after this fashion:
Ladies and gentlemen, l am a
plain man: and l am accustomed to
speak my thoughts plainly, without
much weighing of my words, and
without stopping to consider whether
they are what will please my audience
in all respects, or not. And if, in this
evenings lecture, | should chance to
say anything that does not please you,
l beg that none of you Will get up and
march out Of the house to mark your
displeasure. have known this to be
done. have even known Christian
man, on the Sabbath, and in church,
when the minister happened to say
something that did not just please him,
get up and slam the pew door behind
him. and stalk majestically down the
aisle, as though the minister was hired
just t" say things to please him!
Ladies and gentlemen, it was an
ancient notion that souls were trans
united from one to another: that no
new souls were ever created, but that
whenever babe was born some one
else died, and the soul of the ,lv;no
man was transferred to the body of the
babe; and have sometimes thought.
when l have seen il man 20 stalking
out of church, to the disturbance of the
minister and congregation, because the
minister happened to say something
that did not just please him, that this
theory Of the transmigration of souls
might be true, and when that man was
born nobody happened to die!''
We do not know whether MIR. Cough
knows to this day why his hit took 50
much better than it usually does, and
was 50 rapturously cheered with clap
ping of hands and laughter. It is to
be presumed that he was not allowed to
leave town in ignorance, however. At
all events neither :pillar'' nor parson
left the church, and MIR. Cough proved
an unconscious peacemaker.
MORAL.
The man who cries Stop my pa