, 1875-10-10
HU1IC)R.

4 HUMOI2.
4 farmers crib is gnawfu1 plaoe for rats,
A question in, Indians Hoosier school
| master y
A bookseller lately advertised that he hat
| plenty Of scarce books for sale.
| 4 chimney swallow with ono wing shorter than
| the other is apt to have defective daw.
Cold streaks playing tag down my back" i
the way little Ipsi!antl girl describes the ap
pcoach OF an ague-chi1l.
| s'Iet me fly to him, " was what the cham
pion swimmers sweetheart said when she spied
her Webb after his conquest.
It was observed OF deceased lawyer that ht
bad left but few efrects, to which lady remarked
that "He had but fsw cnuses-"
! Song Of the festive Granger heard in ths
| corn-dell:
| An Irishu1an was once asked il be had eye1
seen q red blackberry. ITO be sure i have,
| ssid Pat; 'all blackbor7ies arc red when they're
green."
''If Smith undertakes to pull my ears" said
Jones, "ho will just have bis hands full, now y
The crowd looked at the mans ears. and thought
30, tool
Lightning struck colnorteur down in New
JerseV Inst week. It is gradually working round
to secular booh-agents. and then won't the car
mage be gTeot and glorious?
favorito performance with reformers Just
now is to sit down over bottle Of whisky and
discuss the imperative necessity OF adopting
cider II tho national beverage.
'If owed . man IN equinoceisl storm. and
he wouldn't take this for the debt, I'd never
settle with him. Was the placid remark Of a
Texas gentleman just after the recent food
there.
4 Nav Hampshire paper states a. q singular
fact that tThe town has mover had . mill in hor
midst" This probably accounts for the adyer-
tisement in another column Of a miu-in-her
wanted.
4 St. Louis dog goes about the streets gather
ing c!gar-stumps, which it carries home to its
master Another instance Of animal segaraity,
though politics in st. Louis must be ct a low
ebb when dog takes the - stump"
A Fair Ofer-Athletio Darnan: SNOW, If
you don't take yourself OF. I'll precious soon
turn you out" Shorty . Council (ui,h yeiD:
- Tnr-r-rn mo out! Is it tur-r-rn me me outi
Thin, bedad come outside an turin mo out !"
Punch.
She sent her husband downtown after some
red dye-stuf, aud he got cochineal. which wasn't
what she wanted. She told him 80, and he got
mad; and, when she ipsisted upon his going
again, he got maader,-Which was what she
wanted in the first place.
An industrious coiored citizen OF Rome, Ga,
was lately overheard by representative OF the
Commercial, Of that town, thus to complain;
"Eebber seed sich times since I been born.
Work ali day and steal all night, and bleat if I
can hardly make liyin'."
Mr.. B.: ''Good morning, cir; come to tune
your piano." Deaf old gent on the porch
" Eh didn't understand wha: yon said" II
speak louder; can't bear what you say." II
come to tune your piano." "Oh! you come
from Louisiana, did you7 Well, thst's good;
Sit down aud tell us ali about it,"
An eccentric old chap about starting for
Europe. sent his friends an invitation to meet
him on the steamer aud say good-oye, and iu
the corner Of said invitation put the initials
I'D. Y. I. o." which caused great deal OF dis
oussion. At last one of the gentlemen, followed
by the entire party, approached aud asked the
Of tho mysterious letters. The old
chap replied, "Why, they moan, D-n iou, I'm
Going mp Abbott street, yesterday, man saw
q boy, about IL years Of age, seated on tho side
walk, bare-headed, ID the full blaze Of the sun.
'' Bnb you ought not to sit there, SAID the man.
"Why2" Because you'll get all tanned up"
" Makes no difference to me- whether sit in the |
sun or the shade," sadly answered the boy;
~ mother tsns me up three OF four tunes day |
anyhow"
Yesterday, when an old lady on the Baker, |
street cars got out q nickel to pay her fare. !
gentleman sitting opposite her held out his hand
to take it md save her the trouble OF leaving |
her seat "What yon want - she demanded,
giving him keen look. III! pay your fare for !
you, he politely replied. '4Id just like to see
you or any one else get hold OF my money!" she !
exclaimed. ''I've Travelled afore this, aud |
know what Tn about, dor' And she stalked |
It's all right to talk sbout bringing mp child !
haa a},n nn1f rc h71t, IA
when Third-streat woman set out to do it.,
uan halted at the gate aud shouted: "Go in, |
the boy for llfe!" And wom-
IN leaned over thB fence aud screamed: 'tWhy |
lon't YOU cut his throat ~. And bov climbed /
IN the alley-feoce. waved his Int, aud cried cut:
a Why in btazes haiu't the reporters around here
% get this 1a-Y-s- u-l tragedy =" And the mother
lad to stop pounding and get into the house.
4 Niuth-ayenne boy stopped catching lies Al
It once yesterday. and turned to his mother and
inquired: IS Ma ain't Mrs. Parsons nice woman
houghf" ~ guess so-why2" she ANSWERED..
' Because when was over there this morning
ho put her hand on my head, like this, aud she
lmost cried as she said +: Poor dear boy how !
ould your father ever thluk OF marrying that
harp-noaed, yiaegarfed old maid for second
shile she held fast to his enr, she lnformed him
hat it would be no h og abort OF desth II be
war entered Mrs Parsons' house again.
Yesterday morning, as Grand Trunk train
Fas leaving the depot, eaunt man with big |
atcbel rushed into the depot, uttered loud
ell 4nd tore down the plasform like steer
unuing away. Possibly he might have caught
be t1afp but for clip which sent him sprawl
1g on the pianks. and drove his head against
iG ,nnulgkantcbsst with = terrible bump ses-
ral people rushed ID and one called out: "Aro
on going On the train?" The gaunt man sas
,euautly replied: No, you internal idiotl 7
m going to sit right here all summsr!~