Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-06-02
Miscellaneous Items.

A SON of Senator Andrew johnson
has become an editor in Greenville,
Tenn.
THE animosities are mortal, but the
hCmanities live forever Christ0phsr
North.
WHAT is the difference between a
belle and a burglar? The belle carries
false locks, and tho burglar false
keys.
Love is sed tn be blind, but T know
lots of phellows in love who can see
twice as much in their gals as KAN
Josh Billings.
hotel, the other day, and the waiter
said they had none, adding: "Our cook
makes all the minse into pies, not
sauce"
DICTIONARIES exchanged for cara
mels," says a placard in a Chicago
candy store. The girls of that city will
certainly participate in the spelling
matches now that there is a market for
the prizes.
captain" said son IF Erin, as the
ship was nearing the coast in inclement
weather, ''have ye an almendk on
board ?" t'No, I hav1't." sThen be-
jabbers, we shall have to take the
weather as it comes"
A CRUEL joke at the expense of those
ladies who are perpetually striving to
gain hearing in the Press has been
going the round of literary circles. to
the effect ''that they look much better
in muslin than in print"
A WIDOW being cautioned by her
minister about flirting, said she knew
it was wrong for maidens and wives to
hlrt, but the Bible was her authority.
It said widows mite" She was firt-
ing awfully at last accounts.
PROFESSOR R. E. ROGERS, of the
University of Pennsylvania, left Phila-
delphia recently for San Francisco to
superintend the construction of the ex-
tensive bullion refinery in the new Mint
in the latter city.
The manufacture of caoutchuouc from
milk weed (asclepias) has been under
taken by company in Canada with a
capital of 100000 The milky juice
yields about four per cent. of caout-
chouc.
The Indiana editor who took his
mother in-law on an editorial excursion
is requested to announce through the
columns of his paper whether he was
actuated by generous impulses or by
fear.-Chdcago Tribune.
The tenor and soprano in Boston
choir were married recently. A faceti-
GUS exchange says that they met by
chants, the usual way, and ultimately
agreed to duet. And the first addition
to the family will be trio.
When are stockings like dead men ?
When they are men-ded; or perhaps
when their soles are departed; or again,
when they are all in holes; or, when
they are past heeling; or, when they
are no longer on Their last legs.
IT is said that during the thirteen
years that Oliver Charlick was Presi-
dent of the Long Island Railroad he
never drew any part of his salary, al
though it had been fixed by he Board
of Directors at $4,000 year. This
makes $4,000 which his estate will, of
course, call upon the company to pay
up.
COLONEL SCOTT, in reply to toast
during his recent trip, expressed the
belief that the Texas Pacific Railroad
would be completed to Texarkana this
summer, and said that he fully expect
ed at the next session of Congress to
obtain the aid asked for from the gov
eminent.
A LADY who had been teaching her
little four year-old the elements of
arithmetic was astounded by his run
ming and propoupding the following
problem: ssMama, if had three butter
flies, and each butte fly had bug in
in his ear, how many butterflies would [
have ?" The mother is still at work at
the problem.
A CITIZEN who met an old acquain-
lance on the street recently asked why
he wore weed n his hat. s'For my
poor wife who has passed over the
river" ''Well, can't she come back
amt the ferry boats runninga" was the
surprised query. The man had to ex-
plain that he did not refer to the East
River.
"What's this crowd around here for ?"
demanded policeman the other night
as he came upon dozen boys grouped
near house on second street sKeep >
STILL" replied one Of the Lads, s'there
comes old John, tight as brick, and
we're waiting here to see his wife pop
him with the rolling pin as he opens the
front door. ''-Enterpras Courier.
JUnA-ssGh, Carrie, I've got new
Teller; perfectly splendid !! The other
was too miserable for anything" Bings
overhears this extraordinary language
of his beloved Julia; and thinks it all
over with him, and that the world IS
hollow. Poor sfeller T. how WAS be to
know that the dear girl is only talking
about the sewing machine?
A WOMAN entered :. crowded str ct
car the other day, and for moment or
two no one offered her seat. Then q
fat man affected with the asthma, beckS
oned to her and said: "Madam, please
take-take" Cough cough, She stood
there waiting for his seat, aud as soon
as he was over his coughing tit, he con-
l. %xxtrx