The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-07-29

A USEFUL thing in the long run
Breath.
As THE young lady remarked about the
infant, "How sweet; but how bald for
one so youngl"
"YoUR feet are very Stylish" said
man to his friend, whose feet were COW
cred with bunions. "No, not stylish,
but exceedingly nobby,' was the good
natured reply.
"YEsTERDAY afternoon" says Ten
nessee paper, "the handsome Miss Jennie
Taylor was borne to the cemetery before
a large concourse of grieying men, wo-
men and vehicles.
THE wife of "Max Adeler" weighs
200 pounds, and the Brooklyn Argus
saws when Max asks her, "Shall help
you over the fence?" she replies de-
murely, "No; help the fence"
AN Indian corn planter has discovered
that crow knows twice as much as an
eagle, and he wants the crow adopted as
the National emblem. This isn't sufi-
cient caws for banishing the eagle.
Gum, the actor, being asked by a lady
why there are more women IN the world
than men, replied: /" 1t is in conformity
with the other arrangements of nature
we always see more of heaven than
earth"
In the streets of Leicester one day
Dean Swift was accosted by drunken
weaver, who, staggering against him,
said: "I have been spinning it out"
eyes," sid the Dean, "and now you
are reeling it home"
A CHINESE young lady is an applicant
for teachers place in one of the public
schools of San Francisco, thinking,
properly, no doubt, that she can
snatchee small boy bal-headed alice
same Mclean girl.
Now, SEE what man out In Nevada
has been doing. He went and buried
his wife in silver coffin. Every woman
hereafter will think that her husband
never did love her if he doesn't promise
to lay her away in the silent tomb in
silver coffin. That Nevada man deserves
the execrations of every husband in the
land.
BARNUM's balloon tanner, Donaldson,
recently took a Western reporter on a
voyage with him, and after they had
got above the clouds the reporter fell
out. Donaldson was horror stricken, and
descended Immediately to find the scribe
inditing an account of elbow it Feels to
Fall from Heaven" He had struck on
his cheek.
A BOSTON drummer, walking along
one of the streets of Houston, Texas,
reached under his coat-tails for his
handkerchief, and was enabled to keep
his hand in that position until he got to
his hotel, as every other man he met
drew a bead on him with navy revol-
yer, and threatened to send him "hell-
ward" if he ventured to "pun that ERE
pop"
SHERIDAN once told story of the ex-
quisite good breeding of a bankers
clerk, of whom the wit had borrowed
some money, and to whom he actually
repaid it. "Didn't he look aston
ished?" asked discourteous friend.
"No," said Sheridan he was just going
to look astonished, when he remembered
his manners, and swept away the money
as unconcernedly as if he had not given
up any idea of seeing it again.
ALEXANDER DUMAS, the younger, when
student in the Latin quarter, desired
to make agood repast with companion,
but found on consulting his purse that it
contained only five francs. "Wait, "
said he to his companion, "while 1 run
upstairs and borrow five more from IL.
father, and with the ten we shall dine
like Princes. -" WE'LL" said the waiting
man on his return, "have you got the
ten" 81 haven't even the first five, !"
answered he, ruefully; father is better
mt borrowing than /.