The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-06-30
SUNBEAMS.

A shanghai, eating corn, takes a peck eV-
cry time.
The latest thing in front door locks
Night keys.
An actor at popular theatre was called
out three times in one evening not long
ago-twice by sheriff and once by .
tailor.
A humorous apothecary in Boston ex-
poses case of soap in his shop window
with the pertinent inscription, "Cheaper
than dirt"
To the author who wishes our opinion Of
his "Lines to the North Wind" we would
say that it appears to be q lay-Borcas az
fair.
He who stealeth an editors purse
Robs him of his trash;
But he who stealeth an editors verse
Robs him of his hash.
| A real hard case - {the rough's last
wrong) )-Liverpool rufian-" 'Ere's a 60!
a man 'anged for kickin' his wife to death
| I shall ave to take my boots off,
For the information and guidance Of the
colored race, it may be as well to state now
that the civil rights bill has no bearing
whatever upon the subject of hen-roosts.
Guv'nor Ito prodigal clerk coming in
late)-Haf past ten, Mr.. Rawkins! Clerk
+ pulling ont his watch bright you are sir,
te,the tick. (Guv'nor gasps9 ),
The bill introduced in the British Par
lament to allow "a man to marry his de.
ceased wife's sister is facetiously named
''the bill to abolish sisters-in-law." "
Harpers Bazar wickedly suggests the in.
PRODUCTION Of the bell punch into our
churches, to be used by deacons when pass
ing the contribution box.
'Dear Mom-Colne Immediately if you
see this If not come on Sunday" This
difficult invitation appears as personal In
the London Tsmes.
How artlessI When the crowded omni-
bus drives up to a fine th1ce-story mansion,
one of the young women getting out mVa-
riably remarks "nome at last"
"What shame that I should be starv-
ing?" exclaimed poorcorset-lnaker out OF
work-"I, that have stayed the stonachs
of hundreds"
A coIored coroner's jury in Columbia,
S. c., verdicted: eve find dat dis yere man
died from having forty-seyen ribs broken
and his head smashed"
Vosquez, the California bandit, bet
man fifty cents that he would be hanged
last Friday The bandit won, but he for
got to instruct any body to collect the
money.
II mean business said a Detroit boy,
as he shook an old red cent under another
boys nose; "two ter one that Mrs. Moul- |
ton knows what she is talking about" No
takers.
How msny beautiful girl, with cold
in her head, has wrecked her hopes of
earthly happiness by soliciting from her too
fastidious lover the loan of his pocket-hand- |
kerchief
Somebody in Baltimore claims to have
seen phantom dog one night recently.
This Is encouraging to US, and all others
%%ilo have long wished to see phantom dogs
supercede every other sort.
A young man in music shop was lately |
overpowered by Il fastidious young lady, |
who wanted to purchase "Mr. Hood's-a-
song of the-il-gcntleman's mdergar-
ment" The young man is still alive.
The Rome Sentinel says: "The granger
esses of Watcrville are discussing the ques-
tion, How shall we keep our husbands at |
home evenings?' A subscriber recon-
mends them to hire handsomer servant
girls"
A scientist has just appeared who says
he can tell the origin and history of a peo-
pie by simply lookin; at their feet. He
thinks that the site of the present city Of
Louisville must have once been occupied
by elephants.
"On which side Of the platform is my
train ?' asked stranger in a Jersey City
depot the other day. "Well, my friend"
replied gentleman plssing, "f you take
the left, you'll be right, if you take the
right, yon'l be left"
"If was horse, now,' unused big
boy, US he struggled up street yesterday.
'I'd be well fed, rubbed down and fed, but
I'm boy, and I've ct to 80 home, clean
of snow, bring in wood, tote water, and
rock the ID old baby for an hour and
half"
A girl screamed in lecture audience in
Lafayette, Oregon. Then all the other
girls screamed. General CONSERVATION en-
sued, and a rush for the doors. People
were bruised, clothes torn, and tho room at
length was emptied. The first screamer
had seen rat.
"Blue Skin, a Troy pugilist, made bet,
the other night. that he could drink a bar
rel OF Decr at a sitting, but dropped after
the ninteenth "bucker," and would have
died but for certain emetics. Blue Skin
can fatter himself, however, that he is q
pretty good hog anyhow.
At meeting of Confederate soldiers the
other day in Atlanta, SO many were dubbed
with titles that the following appropriate
resolution was introduced: "Resolved,
That the president appoint committee Of
one to inquire whether there were any sur.
viving priyates of the late war;"
A conductor in Burlington, Iowa, was re-
Gently made happy by having voted to him
a badge, at public fair. Being called up
on for speech, he was hustled upon the
platform. Looking round for moment he
CALCULATED "Tickets" and retired. It was