The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-04-17

POLfTE--A - JOurneyman grammar smasber'
u what one Sc. Louis editor terms another.
A Delaware man lost his wife and a raeehorse
by tbe same stroke Of lightning, and he tried fol
two hours 10 revive the horse.
charitable maa keeps a pair or dogs chained
ut bis front door, 50 that people who stop TO get
bite" eIn be accommodated without taking the
trouble Of going into the house see
An eminent Judge said to jury who had
passed n sleepless night in their room, unable 70
agree n verdict, 80 Gentlemen, I am surprised
that you cannot agree in this case. l could agree
either way in five minutes
Atkins says that he never was smitten with
but one mans wife. He was the man himself,
and she smOte him with q rolling pin.
QUkEY.-What gentleman can, with any sense
OF proPriety, AJAX a lat woman 20 lean on bis
arm2
how about pretty girI7 Isn't she maiden vain.
The married ladies' Of a Western city have
formed a - COme-Home- -Husband-Club." IL is
about four feet long, and has brush at the end
Of it.
Mr. Henry Yore, Of Portsmouth, hs/ eloped
with his mother-in-Iaw. The dane of Yore will
sooner be over.
.'ArtAxerxcs, my boy" said Mr.. Marrowfat,
- remember the dying words of Socrates Never
marry woman that kicks sideways
OUR OwN AND OTHERS AFFArRs.-Human na-
ture il constituted that all see and Judge better
in the affairs Of other men than their own.
Masks AND FAcTs.-We should be much kin
der to each other could we read hearts. If we
knew the woes and bitterness and physical annoy
ance OF our neighbours we should make allow
ances for them which we do not now.
A Philadelphia reporter, in describing the
turning of a dog out of court by the order of the
bench, says, '' The elected canine, as he was ig-
nominiously dragged from the room, cast glance
at the judge for the purpose Of being able to
identify him at some future time"
Some students fixed up ghost and placed it on
the staircase Of Troy newspaper ONCE the other
night, and then retired and waited development.
One Of the editors came along. and didn't get
frightened He disrobed il, and now wears a
fifteen dollar pair of pantaloous, a ten dollar
dollar hat, while one Of the students goes about
without vest, and another rOams around through
the less freauented streets wearing a very ancient
pair of inexpressibles-
A man in Michigan procured a divorce from
his wife, intending TO marry another woman
The latter, however, got tired whiting and mar
ried another man on the day the divorce was
granted. Then the fellow hestated whether or
not 20 try to make it up with his wife again, and
while he was hesitating his wife married another
fSIlow. This is what would naturally be called
getting left all around.
An Englishnan has recently died, leaving ESQ
for the benefit Of the Abbey bell-rIngers Of Bath.
The conditions imposed upon and running with
the beauest are That on the anniversary of de-
eeased's wedding day the ringers shall toll the
bell, with mufied clappers, from in the morn
ing until at night; but on the anniversary OF
his death, triple bob majors are to be rung for
the same length Of time. Whence it appears
that his married life was not over happy
Report of the autopsy of the brain of Ortwein,
the murderer:
The left ala Of the thyroid-hyold cartilage was
fractured longitudinally One-third Of the way
from the median projection. completely shutting
of the rima gOttidIs. The platysma myoides,
the steruoc.eidomastoid, the anterior belly Of the
omo-hyoid, the sterno-hyoid and the sserno-thyoid
muscles completely severed The traPe-
zius muscle not examined
Now who wonders that the poor man was
murdererT He might reasonably have been ex-
pected indeed, with all that trouble. to set up
for Napoleon and kill OF his little thousands
Why, however, was not the trapezius muscle ex-
amiued2 Why this fatal oversight permitted?
We must beg To INSIST upon an Investigation
JoHx SNrrH.-In Latin he is JOannes Smithus
the Italians smooth him of with Giovanni Smith I;
the Standards render him Juan Smithus; the
Dutchman adopts him as Hans Schmidt; the
French aatten him out into Jean Smeet; and the
Russian sueezes and barks Ivan Smittowski.
When John gets into the tea trade IN Canton, he
becomes Jovan Summit but If he chambers
about Mount Hecla, the Icelanders says he is
.Iobne Suaithson If he trades among the rusca-
rorus. he becomes Ton Qua Smittia. Should be
wander among the Welsh mountains, they talk OF
,Iihon Schmidt when he goes to Mexico, he Is
booked as JantlI FSmitti; If he mingles among
Greek ruins, ne turns Ion Smikton; and IN Turkey,
he il utterly disguised as hmself-VOe Self. In
Hawaii he becomes keonI kamIka.
The BsndigO Ad5ertiSST tells the following
amusing story Of a monkey 80 One OF the two
monkeys that have recently been running loose IN
the vicinity Of LIOyds stables, Hargreaves street
Il missing. lt appears that yesterday forenoon
fbts monkey observing one Of Bruces sodawater
and lemonade carts standing convenient, descend
ed from the roof OF an adjoining building. and,
ia defiance OF that clause Of the Police Offences
Statute having reference to petty larceny, made
of with bottle Of very highly aerated waters
Ascending again to the ridge Of the building,
,JackO proceeded TO nibblc OF the wire, and haV-
in0 thus far been successful, was smelling the
eoTk. preIiminarily, il j. to be presumed, to Its
extraction, when suddenly there was tremend-
ous explOsion. JackO was observed TO spring
several feet into the air, and upon alighting he
,roeeeded IN the fastest time on record towards
KANGAROO Flat. Where there were previously
two mOnkeys there Is now only one, and as soon
as the survivor, who had closely watched the
proceedings, observes q sOdawater cart, ne makes