The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-05-14
Wit and Huu,por.

DIER gardens-cemetexies
aEEIINe mediums -slhoemakers.
WHAT animal comes down FROM the
cioudsa Rain, dear.
WHEN sweet oil is put into a castor
does 1t become castor oil2
WHAT is that which, by losing an eve.
has only nose left2 A noise.
~ PARTY ties-those little white chokers
worn by blonde gentlemen who part their
hair in the middle
Mr.. SPMKs is not going TO do anv
more In conundrms. He asked his wiie
why he was like donkey, and she said
because he was born so. He SAYS the
answer is very different from that.
PATIENT to doctors, after consultation.
'Eeu me the worst, gentlomen. Am I
gong to d1e2 Doctors: g We are d.
v1ded on that question, sir. But there
Is majority of one that you win live. J"
AT printers festival lately the follow
ing toast was offered: sf Woman: second
only to the press In the disseminating of
news ]" The ladies are vet undecided
whether to regard this as compliment
or not.
HIS Honor of the Police Court wanted
to use boy as witness the other day.
and he inquired Club, do You know
what an oath is2" eyes, sir" replied
the boy, fathers used 'em ever since I
can remember l"-Detroit Free Press.
A NEWSPAPER out West thus heads its
report of a fire: g Feast of the Fire
Fiend-The Forked- -Tongued Demon
Licks with its Lurid Breath a Lumber
Pile Are the Scenes of Boston and
Chicago to be Repeated ?-Loss $3.50.
A MAN named Daegett, after warming
everybody by advertisement in the
Hartford Times not to trust Mrs. d..
burst into poetry as follows:
Happy day when got home,
Happy day and found her gone
SHE is perfect Amazon said a pu-
pn in one of our schools of his teacher
yesterday, to a companion. :" Yes
said the other, who was better versed In
geography than history; :" / noticed she
had an awful big mouth.
A MARRIED lady was complaining to a
widow of her husbands cruel slanders
upon her, when the widow grimIy re-
piled: IS I've had three husbands, and
not one of them lives to say q word
against me. Dead husbands tell no
tales. =
A GIRL screamed in lecture audience
in Lafayette, Oregon. Then all the
other girls screamed General conster-
nation ensued, and rush for the doors.
People were bruised, clothes torn. and
the room at length was emptied. The
first screamer. had seen rat-a real one.
JOURNALISTIC Scene: A sub-editor's
room. Sub-editor has evidently been
dining. Small boy (from irate proprie-
tor)- )-"Mr, Macfnigan wants to see You
sir.'' ssTell him I'm out. i"
Small boy-I told him that, SIR, and he
said / was to go and fad you" Sub (af-
Ter dehberationl -" Well, go and find
me. "-Puaach.
SoAETHNG always happens to spoil
any great speech which q Detroiter may
ny to get off. Yesterday among the peo-
pie at the ferry dock to see the ice sweep
by was eng-haired, profound looking
man, whose soul took in all the grandeur
Of the scene. He had Just raised his arm
and commenced: I" How puny is man
compared to nature and her" when
warehouse clerk rolled barrel of beans
against his legs, and the long-haired man
sat down on his plug hat, which was ly-
ing on the dock. He wouldn't even be
. spectator any longer. Detroit Free
Press.
ONE of the late New York illustrated
humorous papers has an irresistible cat.
This Is the scene: An old gentleman is
In his garden. Presently the
mifkman comes along outside the high
garden wall and gives his customary yell
Old gentleman hears something, but be-
ing very deaf, is unable to make out Just
what is wanted; so he puts his ear trum-
pet in place, and elevating the bell-end
of it over the wall, exclaims, Here
Milkman takes It for q dish, empties the
quart of milk into the old gentleman's
ear, and goes on about his business.