The Portland daily press., 1875-09-10
Nasby on Imitation.
The Imitation Idea-The Fur,h.r pr.xx...
of the OnIimited Trust and Confidence
Cempany-Continucds Success.
CoNFEpRrr z. ROADS

py, iuuccu tudb tuo prlVdsnenS and troubles
| that hev bin thro are faden out NV nv men,
ory entirely. 1 lev paid Bascom's account
wich hez bin runnin for 10 many yeers, and hev
his receet in my safe-my SAFE say. Proudly
write these words. My safel Who-thirty
| days ago wood hev supposed that / should ever
say MY safe! Then hey two scots of cloze--
good ones-wch is one and half more than
hev he'd sence | was Postmaster under John
son-Heven rest his soe--I hev two shirts for
the first time in my life, and am wearin
stockins! hev but one pare ez yet, but one
| can't rise to the summit Nv hooman granjer at
wun bound 1 shall buy another pare in q
week or two. think every Bank President
ought to either hev two pare nv stockins or re.
turn to the stern virchoos Nv the Republic In
| its better days, and 60 barefoot. Coin barefoot
or hevin change is necessary to the keepen Nv
Bank Presidents Office in q sweet smelin
condition.
But this is digresheu. Suffice il to say, L
am clothed. pade three dollars and half q
pare for them stockins-they is cotton-wich ia
three dollars and quarter more than they wuz
| worth in the old money, but wat difference
| does it make? That three dollars and a half
| wuz made by four pulls on Simpsons printin
| press, and when money kin be made in that
way wat difference does it make wot pay for
cotton sox?
At the beginnin we shood 10, 20, 25 and 30
| cent currency, but we hev quit that. Prices
hev gone up so, under the general prosperity,
that there amt anything in the Corners that
| sells for less than dollar for one. and the
frackshnel currency wuz desiced to be yooselis.
Besiees, it cost jest ez much to print ten cent
| note ez it does dollar, and bleeve In econ
| omizip.
4
Simpson, the printer, is maxim us a little
trouble. AT the begnnin yoosed to pay him
| for printin our bills by just sgnin enuff Nv em
| ez they come from the press to make his
amount, but lately he hez refoezed to take our
money, and insists on greenbax. We tried to
overawe him, but when he threatened to pub
lish the hnanshel condishun nv the President
and Directors, it wuz considered advisable to
| humor him. 1t is singler that sich men throw
| impediments In the way Nv progress.
| The obstacles 10 the way Nv the Bank that
| hev thus far developed therselves, hev bin hap
PLY and easily removed. Bascom demanded
| wheat Nv us to ship to Louisville to git more
whiskey, and We he'd to let him hev it, and
| take pay in our own money. And ez he de-
demanded that we take our own money jest
| the same ez greenbax, that bein the standard
| in Louisville, we met a heavy loss. The &C.
count stands eZ follows:
| 1000 bushels wheat cost US, In our
% own money, at "a 80 per bushel. .......$4,5oo 90
back prices, witch Is 81 per bushel-
takn pay in the same money we he'd
pald for IL. .........'..........."... 900 90
Los (wich is easily fggered). ........... $500 90
| We he'd one more trouble, wch we got on
easier with. Pugsby, the shoemaker, who took
our money, ruH out Nv leather, and when he
sent to Louisville for more, the merchants there
ez in the case nv Bascom, refroozed to take our
currency. Pugsby knowd Nv Bascom's expert
ence and be came up smilin to hev US sell him
wheat snuff at greenback prices to renoo his
| stock.
swat kin we do?' demanded in dire dis
tress, for really I didn't see why Pugsby
| shoodent hev wheat to renoo his stock ez we'll
ez Bascom, ,exceptin that whisky is more neces-
| sary to the Corners than leather
"Dop' sed Issaker Gavitt, with a expresbun
Nv skorn on his cassck feechers "Do! And
| 700 claim to be fnaniseers? Hez Pugsby q
| safe? No? Wall, whar does he keep the S12,-
600 Nv our money? In his desk? Yes? And
that is wooden. And his bildin is wood Very
| good. Tell Pugsby to come to-morrer and we
will give him wheat at a dollar a bushel for all
Nv our money he has got We have twenty
| four hours
And Issaker put some matches in his vest
| pocket-about So worth. Matches hez gone up
"a so b0x-our money.
That mite Pugsby's shop burnt up and the
| fire commenced jist under his desk. The next
mornin that unforchunit man came. to US and
insisted ou hevin the wheat on the score NV
the monev he he'd Nv ours.
Bring US the money" said Issaker, beam
ing sweetly onto him, "and we'll give yoo al.
the wheat Won want"
''But yoo know that he'd yoor money. and
that it wuz burnt up last nite."
II perso0m you he'd some nv our money, but
don't know it," replied Issaker mo well
regulated bank kin live If they shood take ev-
| cry mans word, ez you want us TO. How kin
tell but what you hey that money concealed,
and that the burnin of yoor shop was a skeem
to detrod your creditors. am not shoor that
| it isn't my dooty to investigate the matter
And !ssaker looked so stern that Pugsby left
the bank with howl of terror.
lssaker is developin so great a genius in a.
nancerin that Pm RELY jealus NV him. He is
the master sperit of the institooshun.
| At the Board meetin last mite we DISGUST
wat we shood do in sich cases ez Pugsby's here
after butIarIived at no definit conclooshun.
There is several Nv EN-, and they will hev to be
met. lssaker bleeves in the style Nv treatment
he yoosed in Pugsby's case but cau't consent
to it. Its heroic, l admit, and good enuff for q
temprary expedient. but it won't do for o regu-
lar system, Eft our money stimoolates mans
bizns to the pint of his bildin a new house, we
hev benefited him, and the commoonity ez
well. But eff to avoid the inconvenience NV
redeemin that money we hev to burn the house
wat good hev we accomplished? None. We
hev got to find some other way. 1 don't see
asy other way but no doubt it will sejest itself
to me in time.
1t is astonishin how the Corners is boomin,
now that it hez money enuff Five new rale-
hundred and twenty-eight cellers for new
houses is bein dug, and last week the corner
stuns for eight factrys wuz lade with approprit
ceremonies. The gradin is bein dun on the
ralerodes and turnpikes, and that part NV the
work will be pushed to an early compleshun,
for the labrers furnish their own shovels and
picks and take our money for wages. The la
brers buy their livin nv the farmers along the
line with that money, and then the farmers
come to the Corners with it, and cheer ther
soles at Bascom's.
So far all is serene and sweet So far the
money sheds blessns,ez skunk duz perfooms.
Bat at this point comes the worry. Wat is
Bascom to do with it? The Louisville mer-
chants refOcze to tech it for, likker, and we
can't afford to give him wheat at Louisville
prices agn. We wood bid a distillery, but,
alas! we can't afford to pay for tbe nails, the
stilin apparatus in our money, and we amt got
emmy other But, thank an overrulin Proyi-
dence, Bascom hez money enuff, ,likker enuff to
last two weeks, and suthin will turn up afore
that is gone.
Prices hev gone up so that it takes vast
volume Nv currency to transact the biznis nv
the Corners. Simpsons power press won't an
swer the demands made onto ii, and he hez
purchased power press, wich will print 1000
sheets an hour. And to facilitate bizns, and
to make it perfectly shoor that we shell hev all
the currency we want. hev he'd my name and
Issaker's engraved, so that it kin be printed in,
this savin us the trouble nv signin em with a
pen.
L iioco NV tuiuSS Is Stlll mOuntln Nv, anu gen.
eral prosperity prevales Pugsby gifts $40,
pair now for pegged boots CARTE
great deal eazier than he yoost to git 81, and
Bascom hez put drinks up to so sents for new
whiskey, and 70 when you take sugar in it.
Lots in the corporashun hez quadroopled in
valyoo within the week, and reel estate is
changin hands lively. L Good wish, however,
that the ishoos Nv the Unlimited Trust and
Confidence Company Good hev wider circula-
shen, took brief vacation this week, wuE
at the Glauber Salt Springs, and wuz beaten
out of $500 at cnt-throat loo. The gamblers
reioozed to take my muuey, and wuz compel
led to leave nv. watch with em. That is Cap
tam McPelter's watch, WEIGH he'd 10 borrow
to make an imposin appearance. But it wuz
all the same to me, ez paid for it in our own
currency. waz sorry to los it for I he'd de-
pended on that watch to help us oat when We
got in tite phase.
PETROLEUM V. NAsBY
Presidenr Nv the Unlimited Trust and Conf-
dence Cumpany.
p. S. Another troubls is loomin up on the
horizon. Perkins, the blacksmith is out nv
iron and Sampseli, the carpenter hez to hev a
jack plane and two augers, all Nv which hez
to be got in Louisville, and they demand Nv US