The Van Buren press., 1875-01-19
waiters-barbers

Head -waiters-barbers
Silence is the fittest reply to folly.
The smallest hair throws shadow.
Cheap living-Living on excite.
ment
A bootless enterprise going bare
foot.
A "put up job"-Bunker Hi mon.
ument
The greatest can but blaze and pass
away.
Hobby horses are dearer than Arab
steeds.
What a barber mustn't do-Latner
his wife.
Something to boot-Lightning rod
peddIers
The worst kind of edrcation--to be
brought up by policeman.
TO poor man, with n large family,
glory is Of but little account.
A wise man may keep his own coun-
sci, consequently has no Jobs for strange
lawyers.
A Green Bay woman who weighs
$50 pounds insists that she is some
body's darling"
A bit of wisdom-Thc curb on a spir-
tied horse.
There are over twenty four thou
al II: 10, a.
edged as such--beside the fellows that
hang around the church doors.
Massachusetts sends off twice as
many letters on Monday morning as any
other day in the week, showing how the
people spend the holy Sabbath
-" Rents are enormous" as the loafer
said, on looking at his pants'
They don't bury colored people in
Georgia They form de funeral obse.
ques, sab |"
The imperial dogs and cats that are
Kept Tor the purpose of destroying the
rats and mice in the imperial stalls and
stores in the German Empire, are fed at
an expense Of 1900 thalers year
A Kentucky editor speaks of local
geniu' who has been a persevering con
tributor to the office waste basket for
several years,
"A young vocalist failing to execute
the trills of his part, effectively apologi-
zed to the audience 10y saying that he
trcmbled so that he couldn't shake.
"A melting sermon being preached
in a country church, all fell a.weeping
but one man. who, when asked why he
did not weep the rest, said "Oh | be
long to another parish !"
"A teacher, questioning little boys
about the graduation in the scale Of be-
ing asked: +" What comes next to man p
Whereupon little shaver who was cv.
IDENTIFY smartng under sense of previ.
ous defeat, Immediately dstanced all
competitors by promptly shouting !" His
shirt, ma am ~
Two boys wcre standing before q
cigar store, when one asked the other
"Have you got three centsp" Yes"
"Well. have got two cents; give me
your three cents and | will buy five
center" "All right" says No 2, hand
ing out his money. No. enters the
store, procures the cigar lights it and
pnffs with n good deal Of satisfaction
Come, now, give us pull SAYS No
9 II furnished more than half the mo
ney; but then I'm the president, ant
yon, being only stockholder, you car
spit
"A fast musician--One who plays too
forte
Lovers do the coong before mar
riagc, and tradesmen do the billing after
If you have a good sister, love anC
cherish her with all your heart If yo,
have none. why then love the sister o
some other man.
-" Please, sir, my fathers dead, an,
my mothers runned away, and would "
let me and my sister suck cider through
straw out OF that ere barrel O. yourn 2
The ncrobats Of every household
The pitcher and tumbler
Why is note OF hand like rose
bnd! Because 1t is matured by fallin
dew.
The doctors woriv fills six feet @
ground, while the dentists fills an entir
achcr.
"A little boy asked lady who mad
her teeth "My C-ee'or," she repie,
"Well,' said the youngster, "Dr. -
made my mas. and they beat your'n clea
ont o sight"
Pedestrian Judd makes mistake /
calling himself professor. That Is EN-
nenty Wsstons title. 1t Is hoped Jud
will turn out a performer