Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1875-02-04
Aumuruns department.
TIT FOR TAT.

and make them smart was to give them plen-
ty to eat one day, and nothing the next, as
that is the best way to bring them up, and it
makes nicer meat"
GLOW does it make nicer meat, you fool,
you p said the now exasperated farmer, to
think that his pigs, which he took such pride
in raising, were being half starved.
"Well, the book said to feed one day-that
makes streak of fat and give them nothing
the next day-that makes a streak of lean !;
and that's the way I like pork"
"What book did you learn that in ?" asked
"Why, in that old almanac that hangs in
the Kitchen
"O," said the farmer, "thats so. There is
agood many things in that book; but hereafter
want you to feed them pigs as tell you,
while [ will attend to the reading matter
What was Henry's surprise to find the
table loaded down that day, and the farmer
telling him to eat plenty. He did not know
what to make of it until the next morning,
when he was kept waiting for his breakfast
until eleven o'clock, and could stand it no
longer so up he goes to his employer, and
says:
~ say, Mr.. w., aint we a going to have
any breakfast this morning?"
"Well, no, don't think We will" said Mr..
W. "You see. it says in that almanac that a
pig inwardly is the same as human being,
and I'm going to try the same plan of get
ting streak of fat and streak of lean on
my men so as to make them halfway smart
That is the way like my men. If they have
all fat, they will be too confounded lazy.
Don't you think it is good plan, Henry p
Henry wilted, and the next day Mr.. W..
found that almanac among the missing.
A New WAY TO PAY OLD DEBrs.-Beu-
son Smith, Chappaqua farmer, was served
with meat by Mr.. John Kipp, the butcher,
until Mr.. Kipp became satisfied that Mr..
Smith did not intend to pay him, and Mr..
Kipp's brother, who drives the meat wagon,
became incensed at Mr.. Smiths failure to
settle the bill. One day last week he met
Smith. Young Kipp was on the wagon de-
livering meat. He stopped Smith and asked
him to pay up. In the parley he lost his
temper and said, eff was off the wagon
would take it out you."
Mr.. Smith smiled and invited the boy to
get right down and do it. The accommodate
ing boy jumped down and sailed in, and af.
ter he had finished, Mr. Smiths countenance
was spectacle to behold. Young Kipp, un-
hurt, drove away whistling.
Mr.. Smith then went before Justice St.
John and sued out warrant, and when the
case was called for trial jury was demand
ed. The jury having been completed, Mr..
Kipps lawyer hurriedly asked Mr.. Kipp
whether he had given Mr.. Smith a receipt.
"No," he answered in astonishment. "Then
give him one" Mr.. Kipp quickly complied,
and Mr.. Smith took it in wonder.
"Now if your Honor pleases," said the
lawyer, "I wish to call your attention to the
fact that the assault complained of was the
ful6lment of contract duly made. The con-
sideration was the amount of the bill which
the boy was to take in his own way out of
Smith,"
The Justice declined to deal with the knot
ty point, and turned it over to the jury, and
they lost no time in deciding that the COM
plainant had no case.
A LEGAL WAG.-Judson T. Mills, ofSouth
Carolina, was Judge off district court in north
ern Texas, fond of joke, but being very
decided in his discharge of duty. Thomas
Fannin Smith was practicing lawyer at the
bar, and having shamefully misstated the law
in his address to the jury, turned to the court
and asked the Judge to charge the jury accord
ingly. The judge was indignant, and replied ::
"Does the counsel take the court to be q
fool?"
Smith was not abashed by the reproof, but
instantly responded:
81 trust your honor will not insist on an an
to fbotn I ,rrht in
it truly, be considered guilty of contempt Of
court"
'Fne the counsel ten dollars, Mr. Clerk" :"
said the judge.
Smith Immediately paid the money, and
remarked 'it was ten dollars more than the
court could show"
"Fine the counsel fifty dollars" said the
Judge.
The fine was entered by the clerk, and
Smith, not being able to respond in that sum,
sat down.
The next morning, on the opening of court,
Smith rose, and, with much Difference of man
ner began:
"May it please your honor, the clerk took
that little joke Of yours yesterday about the
fifty dollars as serious, as perceive from the
reading ofthe minutes Will your honor be
pleased to inform him of his error, and have
it erased ?"
The GOODNESS of the request and the implied
apology pleased the Judge, and he remitted
the fne.-Bench and Bar
LARGE FEET.---A Mississippi boatman with
immense feet, stopping at public house on
the levee, asked the porter for boot,jack to
pull off his boots. The colored gentleman,
after examining the strangers feet, broke out
as follows: "No jack here big nuf for dem
fects. Jackass couldn't pull 'em of, massa,
without tracutring the leg. Yuse better 60
back about three miles to de forks in the
road, an pull em off dar"
A SYMPATHETIC JUDGE-"You have a
pleasant home and bright freside, with hap
py children sitting around it, haven't you ?"
said the judge. "Yes, sir" said Mr. Thomp-
son, who thought he saw way out of the
difficulty. "Well,' said the judge, if the
happy children sit around the cheerful
fireside until you return, they will stay there
lust forty-three days, as I shall have to send
you up for that time"
TAKING AN INvENToRY.-On the death of
Major Laing the enterprising traveller in AT.
rica, the Africans took an inventory Of his ef
fects, with view to sending them to the Brit
ish admiral. They were sorely puzzled to
make out the catalogue, and, in utter despair,
described a couple of tooth-brushes as "Two
scrapes made of pigs hair" and set down his
spectacles as 1.-TWO looking-glasses for the
nose"