Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-11-19
HUM0R.

A SCIENTIFIC JoB.-Some time since
stranger arrived in Detroit in order to
consult from one to a dozen surgeons about
his tongue, that useful member being
hampered with a cancer. The doctors
took IA look at the tongue, shook their
heads and said: s'Hum-hum." Gathered
ill solemn council, they agreed that the
tongue must come off, OF at least about
third Of it. They assured the man that
they could make very neat and scientific
Job of it, and once his tongue got well they
could splice it, as sailors splice rope, and
give him as much tongue and as much
talk as ever. The patient consented, and
the new tongue was in operation yester-
day for the frs time. The surgeons were
jubilant, and they invited our reporter to
call around and see the job. He went
He found the patient sitting up, looking
pretty fair, and willing to give all the i'll
formation he hal about him.
''What is your name?7 asked the re-
porter
"Wholl loll roll loli, - was the prompt re-
ply.
''Where do you belongs"
''Ully lolly BIOL, rolly doll,' he replied
One of the surgeons stood by and he
clapped his hands with glee and shouted:
''See there! Why that man talks as
plainly as you or I 1 tell you it was the.
neatest scientific job of surgery ever done
in this town!''
After brief discussion with the surgeon
tongues, the reporter turned to the man
and asked:
''Did it hurt you much?"
-s'Whily Twol lol slol!' he answered.
''And how did you like this splicing
busness?"
'sWhol fol hill bill lol! ~ he said.
HE feels all right, of course" chuckled
the surgeon. ''Why, man, he works that
tongue equal to any parrot! Show me an
other such job and I'll give you a thousand
dollars!'
The reporter asked him if women's
tongues were ever afflicted with cancer,
and the surgeon replied that he never
heard of a case; they were never at rest
long enough for any affiiction to take.root
"And you think you can, in time, man
age your artificial tongue, do your" asked
the reporter.
''Ibl piol stall al woul,'' answered the
man.
''In time, 7 echoed the surgeon. 'sWhy
you blockhead, isn't he using his tongue
now? Can't you understand every word
he says?'9
The reporter didn't ans Her, but leaned
back and wondered how the split was eff
fected. He had dim idea Of boiler rivets.
shoe-patch cement, water-li lime, &C., aud
finally asked to. see the job. The patient
opened his mouth in response to the "a
quest, and the surgeon grabbed the tongu',
pulled it this way and that, moved it UP
and down and exclaimed
''Nicest job ever exhibited in the profess
sion. | cali it the invisible splice, but you
can see the junction right along there
The new part is I; composition known only
to me, and 1 can't betray the secret. II
there were only cancers enough Ed make
my eternal fortune in six months.''
"Well, / wish you a speedy recovery
remarked the reporter, as he rose to go.
.'Glohl plol OH replied the man, smil-
ing blandly.
"Good-bye."
''Glool lool," he answered.
81 tell you," said the surgeon, AS he
came out on the walk, mot one man in
10000 could have done that job without
spelling the mans speech forever
Ii WAS WELL WITH HIM.--Last Sun
day good Christian resident of this city
met a colored acquaintance whom he had
not seen for some months, and took him
by the hand and inquired:
"Well, William. what Of your future
how does it look?''
''Purty bright, sah," responded the
smiling William; size got 'leven dollar
note agin fellow at de depot, two paris
OBJ sleeve buttons. a shot gun an knife,
an feels as if couldn't be too grateful
for all dat wealth, while lots Of odder
old hat"
COULDN'T WHITEwAsH TIT was
only a line or two in the daily paper-a
few words to the effect that the Central
Station had been newly whitewashed.
Goodheart. Of Sixth street, came home,
after nights absence, with whitewash
on his back, and as he met his wife he
said:
'sHang my luck! Got carried off on a
Lake Shore train"
She picked up the paper, placed her
thumb ca the word whitewash, and there
were icicles in her voice as size replied
Don't let that happen again. William
Goodheartp'
A mother writes: "How can prevent |
my little boy from wearing out the knees
of his pants?" There are two ways
either let the horse cars run over the little
boy, or give his pants to some other little !
boy who has none
.'Isn't your husband a little bald?''
asked one lady of another, in store,
yesterday. sThere isn't q bald hair in his
head, was the hasty reply of the wife.
A Jersey City lady has fourteen names. |
Her door-plate reaches clear around into |
the next street, and her monogram alone |
weighs nearly two pounds.