Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1875-11-04
Mumuruns department.
THAT kALIkER DRESS.

THAT KALIKER DRESS.
One day, not long ago, an old chap from
the interior, ompained by his wife, entered
Vicksburg dry goods store, and after look
ing around for a moment he said to the clerk
"Pile yer best kaliker down here afore me,
for Mirandy wants dress.
AS the pieces we're tumbling down he con-
tinued:
"Mirandy's been purity good this summer,
and she can have her pick oft the best kaliker
in the store"
The old man felt of the different pieces and
his wife tossed them over, and finally they
settled on particular piece and he said:
"Cut her off nine yards O that
"What nine yards" echoed the wife.
"That's what said, Mirandy."
II can't get kaliker dress with q loop up,
behind to it out'n no nine yards" she ex-
claimed, turning pale with dismay.
"Who said anything about loops" he in
quired. Haven't you always got kaliker
dress out'n nine yards!
Eyes but the fashion has changed. I've
got to have fourteen yards now."
"Have, eh? I'd like to see myself buying
fourteen yards!"
"Then you won't?"
"Not if die for it.
"You are an old miser!'' she hotly ex-
claimed.
"Don't fool with the alligator, Mirandy," !"
he warned.
"Oh, guess you'd better buy the dress, !"
put in the clerk, hoping to make peace.
"Shan't do it!' growled the man.
The woman walked down the store, looked
into the back yard, turned and called out:
"Come here minute, William"
"What yer want?" he inquired.
"Come here, darling. [ want to whisper to
you." she continued.
He followed her among the boxes. Her
face wore smile, and he suspected nothing.
When he was clear of the door she turned and
seized him by the windpipe, rushed him back
ward and Topped him over pile of boxes.
"Mirandy, I'll pound blazes out'n you, for
this w hoarsely whispered the man.
civilian, it don't lay in your backbone! y
she replied.
"Take that" he grasped, trying to kick her.
He made a heavy struggle, but she clung
to his throat, and Topped him as often as he
partially rose. After realizing the fight was
foul, he family inquired:
"Mirandy, what's your object?"
"a kaliker Dress" she promptly responded.
"Nine yards?" he asked.
"Plump fourteen" she responded.
"Say twelve, Mirandy"
"Staight fourteen and no gougng," she an
swered.
He made great effort to throw her of,
but she banged him down and landed a blow
on his nose in addition.
"N1irandy," he gasped.
"Well, William"
"Tell that young man to cut off that kali
ker."
"Thats right, William that's purity" she
said, loosening her grip and extending her
hand.
"You won't say anything, Mirandy'"
"Not whoop"
He scrambled over the back fence, and she
went in and had the full number of yards
cut off,
When ready to 90, the old man was at
the door with the mules, and sid:
"Mirandy took me by surprise, but its all
right; charge that kaliker to my account
"VoT You LIVES ON, ANYWAYS. "A cit
izens of Toledo, in the ordinary current Of
business, became possessor of the note of q
German saloon.keeper. The note becoming
due, he took it to the party and presented 1t
for payment The man was not prepared to
iiquidate his obligation, aud asked for an ex'
tension of time. This being granted, and the
conditions settled properly, he was turning to
leave, when the German said: "Shoost vait
Won leedle vhiles, unit gifts you elm glass Of
goot pier"
NO. thank you, I don't drink beer," was
the reply.
"vell don, ! gifts you vssskees thot is pet
ter as so mooch."
"No, thank you, don't drink whisky"
"Sho den, | know how I fix you; hal
goot vines jerking down bottle with
flourish.
Again the quiet "No, thank you, don''
drink wine"
"Vot! you don't thinks nodding; veil,
gifts you elm goot shegar."
Once more-"No, thank you, l don'1
smoke"
"Mein Gott," exclaimed the Dutchman
throwing up both hands, "no piers, no wees
KEGS, no vine, dobacco, no nodings-vot you
live on, anyways-botatoes, eh!
THE PAST AND THE PREsENT.-Sald wife
to her husband, "How is it that you cam
come home of nights in some sort of season 2
The gentle retort was, "You got me in the