Frostburg mining journal. [volume] (Frostburg, Md.) 1871-1913, 1875-05-01
NUMBER 80.
SU-SnI ms.

An Indiana town wants to have Shanks
mayor.
About the worst go imaginable is the
lumbago
We should like to know how that man in
Minneapolis broke his leg putting on his
overcoat.
young man has sued has barber for cut
ting of his moustache The barber says he
didn't see it.
What she said at the front door. as he at
tempted an osculation. was briefly this:
"No Jack, tastes differ -
A child being asked what the three great
feasts of the Jews We're, promptly replied:
breakfast dinner, and supper!'
The hair of a young lady in Vermont
turned white in a single night. She fell
into a flour barrel.
After all" says IN old doctor, "there are
only two kinds of disease. the one of which
you die. and the other of which you don't"
A man in Illinois broke into the house of
a widow. She pitched him out of doors.
striking evidence of the power of the
widows might.
A Michigan man has raised five lemons
on a tree which he keeps in hot house. 1t
took four tons of coal and he sold the lem
ons for twenty cents
A reason for calling. Visitor. (naively):
"Well. certainly never dreamt | should
find You at home on such a lovely afternoon
as this -
A postal card picked up in the street at
Norwich, Conn, the other day, bore this
solemn appeal "Deer mary for luv of God
send me pare of pants
"Why did you pass yesterday without
looking at me 2" said a beautiful woman to
Talleyrand. because. madam, if l had
looked could not have passed"
Mary to be his. thus: "And should you say
be your ID. Fender" Daniel thought that
was neat, and so did Mary.
Wisconsin lady opened matrimonial
Intelligence office recently. but she married
the first man who applied. and the concern
came to a speedy end.
A New Bedford company is making
butter at Il cost of four cents IL pound"
We Judge the CLUTTER to be very
healthy and strong, as it has driven all
the ber,ars of cold victuals into other pro-
fessious.
Orc wants toknow why Mr.. Woodman did
not spare that tree he used to read so much
about. The agricultural editor Of this pa
per answers that it was because he hadn't
tree to spare.
Poor things, 'murmured Solomon Burch
of the State Journal. "Who.' inquired the
Deacon. "Why, them bally girls. They're
so fearful dissipatel They emit hold out
very long. They say they get on tights ey-
cry blessed night o the week !'
A Kansas farmer purchased a revolver for
his wife and insisted on target practice, SO
that she coull defend her house in case of
his absence. After the hu let WAS dug out
of his leg, and the COW buried, he snil he
guessed sAc'd better shoot with an axe
Mclean county Progress: One day last
week Il youag girl, whose parents reside i'll
this county, swallowed forty percussion
caps. She really deserved spanking. but
her mother reirained for tear of an explo-
sion. Cautious moth Y, That.
my God man, he will not live to serve
the half of it - was the exclamation of
Boston lriihman tn other day, when he
heard that Fricl, wl.o killed II fellow
in the stlt.on hous hal been sentenced to
imprisonment FOR life.
A gentlcman drove Il sorrowful-looking
horse into town last ST. turday, and, stopping
in front of Bank block, he requested il small
boy to hold him moment. Hold i'm ?"
exclaimed the boy; Just lean him up
uDningI I l.n ,,nS4-t i'm holt 'in,.'
A Western editor noticing the present of
a silver cup to q brother editor, says: .He
needs no cup; he can drink from any ves-
sci that contains liquor. whether the
neck of II bottle, the mouth Of IL pickle
jar. the spile Of a keS. or the bung of
barrel
"Washington." exclaimed member of a
Nashville debating club, in stentorian
tones, "W Washington wits a great man; he
was Il good man he was u noble man his
mind had powerful grasp of the future;
1t ever man was non compos meltiS, WASH
ington was that man.
Sir" s:,ld an old judge to young
lawyer. 'you would do we'll to pluck some
Of the feathers from The wings of your i'm
agination and ,ck tlelu in the tail of your
Judgment
A pleasant prospect Traveller Tin Ire
laud): "IIi-pull her up man. Don't you
see the mare is running away?" Paddy:
''Hould tight, yer honor. For yer life don't
touch the rcins-surc they're us rotten as
pears. I'll turn her head into the river ut
the bridge below here. Sure that'll ston
her, the bla:;yard.'
youngster, while warming his hands
over the kitchen fire, was demonstrated
with by his father, who said, "Go way
from the stove; the weather is not
cold" The little fellow, looking up at d
his stern parent demurely. replied: Il
amt heatin' the weather; Im warnin' my
hands,
The entire alphabet is found in these four
lines. Some OF the children may like to
learn them:
Col gives the grazing OK his meat,
He quickly hears the Sleeps low cry,
But man who tastes his finest wheat.
Should JOY to lit his praises high
"Waks up, Judge, wake up; there's
burglar in the house." said Mrs Portly, in
Brooklyn, to her husband, the other night.
The Judge rolled out of bed. grasped his
revolver, and opened the door to sally forth
toy tine rubLer. Then tuInin,; to his wife
be said, Come, Sarah, and lead the way.
It's d---d mean man that VIII hurt "a
woman"