The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-03-19
Wit and Hu1nor.

Wit and HUmOr.
TIE family jar is frequently Jug.
AN unsatisfactory meat Domestic broil.
WHAT is it which has a mouth and
never speaks, and bed and never sleePsf
A river.
MICE 1atten slow in church They
can't live on religion any more than min
listers can.
A TEXAS damsel has sued an admirer
for breaking her nose while trying to kiss
her against her will.
THE Marquette Mining Journal man
has a frozen ear, frost-bitten foot and a
lame leg, and yet he is as funny and sun
shiny as the owner of six coach dogs and
a handbook
SO HELEN was proud, - said an Indiana
widower of his last. wife, '' and she was a
great worker. You ought to have stood
by and see her jerk bedstead down and
go for bugs I"
WASHINGTON IRVING once alluded to a
pompous person as So q great man, and, in
his own estimation, man of great weight
When he goes to the West, he thinks the
East tips up"
"I HOPE you find your tea good,
to his guests. Yes" replied one of the
guests, the tea is good, but-ah-ths
s0ater is deuced smoky.
WHEN you see bare-headed man fol-
lowing a COW through the front gate and
filing the air with garden implements
and profanity, you may know that his
cabbage plants have been set out
A SOUTHWESTERN journal told its read
ers that at night, "when you ses the big
dipper, with the handle toward you, and
the tail of the comet in the bowl, it is
about time to go home and so to bed"
WHEN young man In Patagonia falls
in love with girl, he lassoes her, drags
her home behind his horse, and that's
all the marriage ceremony necessary.
He doesn't even have to buy the lasso.
AFTER fellow has been carrying a
young lady's glove pinned over his heart
for thirteen months no one can imagine
his feelings as he sees her dash by in q
cutter with a clerks arm aro1nd her.
JoILBoY-ssI say, waiter, which did
you put in first, the water or the spirits2''
WAITER Whisky, SIR and you told
me fill it up." Jolliboy-" Oh, that's
all right haven't come to the whisky
yet.
THE Brooklyn Argus paragraphist told
his wife to take out her jaw and rest it
for awhile, and as the doctors gather
around his bed they look solemn, shake
their heads and whisper g I dunno tt
dunno l'-Detroit Free Press.
my dear fellow said mn old member
of Congress to q new one, "you work too
hard ON your speeches. I often prepare
one in half an hour, and think nothing
of it." 'tAnd that's just what everybody
else thinks of it, y was the reply.
AT public gathering lately one of
the gentlemen was called upon for a
speech, and this is how he responded
Gentlemen and women, / amt no
speecher. More'n twenty years back /
came here poor idiot boy, and now what
are / o.
BUSINESS is lively in st. Louis A dry
goods merchant there, In fit of somnan-
bulism, arose from his couch, neatly cut
the bed-quilt in two with his pocket
scissors, and then asked his terrified wife
If he could not show her something else.
A KANSAS farmer purchased revolver
for his wife, and insisted ON target prac-
tice so that she could dafend the house
in case of his absence. After the bullet
was dug out of his leg, and tho COW buried,
he said he guessed shed better shoot
with an ak.
On a Detroit sidewalk, the other day,
portly man snatched at the surround
ing air for a second or two, and then
went down upon the icy bricks with a
force that shook his frame, and made him
see stars. Say" remarked a newsboy
to his companion who Witnessed the
catastrope, .'that ere feller's a Free
Mason didn't you see him giving the
signs 2" Inside of minute two bows
were getting away, closely followed by a
boot.