The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1875-11-17

al the CONCLUSION OF the mOrtuarY re
port, a general call was made for +. L.
Cooper to preach the funeral sermon
over the deceased. That individual, be,
ing present, responded in substance as
follows
THE FUNERAL DISCOURSE.
You will fluid the words of the text,
my brethren, in an ancient Chaldean
transcript written in Coptic, which none
of you can read, but which admits of a
liberal torture into this English text:
'When the brains are out the body dies I"
The brains of the subject which now
lies before us have been out for some
time, but the body, in defiance of science
and Chaldaic Scripture, has continued to
wiggle through the potent galvanic shocks
of public spoliation and a strong native
instinct for intrinsic meanness This
extraordinary and remarkable phenome-
ma of vitality, displayed by the Defunct
after his brains were out, reminds me
somewhat of the mead of a lOggerhead
turtle which you know lives several days
after it is severed from the body. An
Irishman had decapitated one once, and
some days afterward was amusing him
it bit with violence. A lady who saw
the proceeding exclaimed, "Why Pat
rick, / thought the turtle was dead ?"
$50 he is ma'am but the crather's not
sensible of it,"
However, the laws of nature have
finally triumphed and the body OF Radi.
calism ceases to wiggle at last. 1t is as
breathless as the grave. Our distinguished
mortuary surgeons, Drs. Ford and Griffin,
have officially pronounced the extinction
, of the vital spark.
We have assembled here tonight,
brethren, TO solemnize the last sad rites
of the Radical party of Lauderdale coun-
~. 1t is not our purpose to tread upon
the toes of any unfortunate, but as a
christian community it is our duty to put
the Defunct away formally, and in order
to bury him safely out of sight and out
of SMELL While in this life he was not
noted for his aromatic odors. Verify,
brethren, if we do not bury him deep
there will be many who will exclaim
Behold he stinketh yet.
| Sad and melancholy as these impos-
! ing obsequies are-sorrowful as may be
the hearts of this vast congregation over
the demise of the late lamented, yet,
brethren, we must try to bear the bereave-
ment. There is room for hope-vast
room for hope-that the great Defunct is
now safely lodged in the Plutonian re-
gions of the old party, who shall be name
less here, but who is supposed to drive
thriving business in brimstone and fumes
in a remote country famous for the inten-
sity of its climate. There is hardly doubt
but that the Defunct has gone hither.
Let him stay there. He has fairly won
that goal. If he chooses to set up in
Erebus an opposition institution to the
old historical party have referred to, let
him do it, and let him practice his fine
arts down there. think our people have
made up their minds that they will be able
to get along without him for all time to
come.
1t is usual in sermons of the kind am
now solemnly prOnOuncing, for the
preacher to dwell upon the virtues Of the
Defunct Alas, brethren, this task is too
Herculean for this expounder. The la
mented Deceased has had full sway in this
State for eight years, and beyond all cavil
he did most faithful and valiant service
for his master, (the old party of birthstone
notoriety.) He has gone now to make
his report, and to receive the warm plau-
dit from his Sulphurious Majesty, "Well
done, good and faithful servant, enter
into the great frying-pan Of your father.
During the Mexican war while Gen.
SCOTS army was encamped near the City
! of Mexico, a Tennessee soldier approach
ed the General and said :
General / can tell you how to capture
the City of Mexico without firing a gun
or losing a man"
Chow ?" asked the veteran General.
"Let the 10th Massachusetts regiment
pitch their camp within reach of the
city, and they will steal it in less than a
week"
The regiment of carpet-baggers in
Mississippi came very near stealing the
entire State. They have left US a little
legacy of four millions to look after and
to pay. They have kindly permitted us
to pay five times the usual amount of
taxes while they we're generously creating
this souvenir for our grateful remem-
brance. If we had only just let them
alone, they were in fair way to relieve
us altogether of all cares Of State, prop
I erty or country. But we are not an un-
reasonable people. We were not dis
posed to be inordinately exacting upon
the services of the late lamented. A
young man went a counting once, and his
| sweetheart's father kicked him out of the
house. Whereupon he said That's
| enough for me. / am not such an infer
| nal fool that 1 can't take a hint" So, l
! think, brethren, our people we're able to
I take a hint as to the designs of the De
funct upon their substance from what he
had already done. They were inclined
to let him off from any further opera
tons. We thought the Defunct had got
as much out of us as we ought, in strict
! Justice, to ask him to take. We had
enough TO satisfy almost anybody with
| RadicaIism. We we're thoroughly salts
fed to excuse this concern from any more
attempts to govern us- Verify, breth-
ran. the Defunct made it necessary for
US to execute him. He was, brethren,
/ in sober aud very truth, great rascal.
! He melted distrust and enmity between
| these races. He plundered both. He
dIove away emigrants and capital. He
sat over the State like a great ungainly
nightmare, paralyzing and whitening its
fair body polite, producing incertitude,
fear and despair in the public mind and,
1 AAAC Inc nONElDtC VAN NAENs AAC AAAIGNAcAAttAy
sucked away its life-blOOd.
Verify, brethren, the time had surely
come for us to throw off this palsying
monster-to grasp him by the throat and
strangle him TO death. We have done
4 the business for him. We have done il
veil-thoroughly, He will insult high
4 heaven no more forever with hrs prepos-
ferrous pregensions and his boundless ca
ipacity 70 take things. We shall lay the
Defunct carefully away In his final resting
" 49,. 80 - hall inacrsha rnom thn