Spirit of Jefferson. [volume] (Charles Town, Va. [W. Va.]) 1844-1948, 1875-05-18
MISCELLANEOUS.

tirSE told meath E1enS skies.
MISCELLANEOUS.
COULDN'T RESIST raE 0DDs.-A son of
the Faderland went into Barney Galligau's
saloon the other day ard called for a drink,
Barney shook his head, saying:
''No, you are drunk now"
81 babe you not"
"Well, I'll be; you fifty dollars to one that
you are drunk" said Barney, white quite a
number gathered around to see tho fun
Good enough, babe you" said he,
pulling out fractional currency enough to
make up dollar. '.Now, who will you leave
1t mid ?'
"I'Il leave it to yourself. Are you not
drunk?"
yes, by jingoes, I am" said he mourn
fully, F'take der dollar"
a friend of his happened to be in the
crowd, and upbraided him for deciding against
himself
'.Bat it was the druah"
''Well, supposisg it was; what did you
want to be fool enough to bet for, then 2"
Il couldn't>help it, der odds was SO great,"
he replied, turning away moro in sorrow than
IN anger.-Bcth3ehens (P, y Times.
WHAT IS Thy NAME ?-It is often the
case that persons who write on the whole
legfble hand, sign their name so carelessly
that stranger can scarcely make out what it
Is. Any of our readers who have fallen into
such habit would do we'll to learn lesson
from the anecdotc told of Rev. W. S. Potts,
D. D.:
When a clerk in Philadelphia, he took
bill to @ :aker, aud had signed the receipts
with one of those hieroglyphic carl touches
cor 0ofTO L.
Quaker, taking up the paper. said blandly,
Friend, what is this at the bottom ~.
THAT, sir, is my name"
t'Whst is thy name ?"
+'Williau S. Potts"
'tWell William, will thee please to write it
down under here plainly, SO that witness in
court could know it ?"
Ever after DR. Potts wrote and lived so that
no man could mistake word or letter
That TURN1P.-In MY boyhood was one
day with several of my mates near where an
aged man vas engaged in cutting the tops
from large heap Of tu-nips. He said there
was turnip in that pile that lie wanted to
find; and furnishing US with knives, we all
joined in eager pursuit.
Whenever VIC found turnip oc peculiar
shape, or unusually large, we would inquire
if thet was the ore. ''No," he would say,
''but if We keepou we shall find it SOON"
We kept Cd, each being. ambitious to be the
lucky finder.
The heap became beautifully less, and we
cerrespoadingly excited, when at length the
old man seized upon the last survivor and
holding it up, said
:'That's the one"
We then say where. the laugh comes in
but there was not much of a laugh after all.
We felt that We had been sold.
RUIZ OyER.-Jimmy Brown came running
into Mrs. Jones house the other day saying:
"Oh, dear, Mrs. Jones, such an accident
has happened. Your son John got under a
four>horse wagon load of pig iron down at
the river and it run right over his head
Oh! dear"
Poor Mrs. Jones screamed aud almost
tainted, when the little rascal added:
Don't cry, Mrs Jones, be wasn't hurt
why, what do you mean7 run over by
fOur>horse wagon Of pig iron and not hurt 2"
"Hell, you see, the wagon was passing
over the bridge and he was sitting under it
fishing, replied the little rascal, shooting out
OF the open dOor.-Dc:rOH Free Press.
An attendant at Mount Vernon. not
long since, found lady weeping most bit.
terly and audibly, with her handkerchief at
her eyes. He stepped up to her and said:
care you in trouble, madam 2"
t'No, SIR" she sobbed.
II saw You weeping"
t'Ahw said she, chow can one help weep
ing at che grave of the Father of his eoun-
try ?"
..oh, Indeed, madam, y said he, ''tbat's it
The tomb's over yonder, this is the ice house"
-.'Aud now, Mrs. Smith, !" said the couu-
sci, ''will you be kind enough to tell the jury
whether your husband was in the habit Of
striking you with impunity 7"
4'Wid what sir"
'tWith impunity?"
'tHe waz, sir. now and thin, but he struck
me oftheuer wild his isht."
When Davis saw consignment of 169
cases of liquor and six cases of coffius sent by
Great Eastern Dispatch from New York to
Salt Lake City, he sententiously remarked,
''Ihat whiskey will just about fill those
collins"
= Before taking liberties with strange
deg, observe his tail and wait for the wagon,