New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-08-15
MY OARPET-BAG.

W Oma1e JOurn2s
MY OARPET-BA6.
My name 10 John Holton. am vergin
on forty, am eiDRle and always intend t
remain 80. add this latter clause to pre-
vent any old maid who may see my nam
in the paper from writing TO the OF sendin,
me her photograph.
II there ia anything on earth that ] par
ticu 'arly despise, it is carpet-bags.
/ had rather wear q dirty shirt fOrtnigh
and button my vest to my throat to con
oeal the absence Of collat than carry ont
OF these nuisencee
They are always in the way. A mar
looks like porter carrying one, and every
body glances in bis direction with q sort Of
high-bred contempt, fancying him q ped
der or scissors grinder. Pretty girls
draw away to let him pass, and old ladies
eye him suspiciOusly and inform their
neighbors that they have known smallpox
To be carried in carpet bags.
In omnibuses 1t is always flying out OF
your hands on the t0es Of your Wis Wis;
in railway stations you are afraid to put ii
down . moment lest some one should ap.
prOpriAte it, and in q railway carriage it lie
perfectly intolerable. If you put it on your
seat somebody will be sure to want that
very seat; IT you lay it on the floor some.
body will tread on it, smash your bottle of
hair dye, and condemn you to look ten years
older than usual for the next ten days; if
you hang it up. some man who is soft
enough to wear q tall beaver will strike his
head against it, and glance at you with q
small volcano in his eyee: and if you wrap
it in your shawl and hold it in your arms
all the women in the carriage will mistake
you for q widOwer, carrying q baby, and
will beg to be allowed to kiss the little dar-
ling just once, for its poor mothers sake.
But to commence with my own individual
/ was sent by the firm with which I was
connected to distant town las: autumn on
business Of importance, which would keep
me absent some eight or ten days.
Of course, it was necessary for me 70 have
for it but to take q carpet bag.
l set out for the railway, feeling very
much like culprit, my well-stuffed bag
swinging against the legs Of every man ]
encOun tered, and being shifted ut by all the
dogs on the road. i rather suspect they
smelled the bladder OF Scotch snuff had
recently purchased, and packed in with my
other things; for you must know that my
only bad habit is snuff taking. very mild
sin. think.
had proceeded about half the distance
took me. The driver drew in his horses.
Ride, sirs Your carpet bag looks heavy"
"No," / growled, plodding on. conscious
that several pairs Of feminine eyes regarded
me from the windows.
Book agent OF tract peddler," remarked
the driver to a man beside him.
"Got his clean collars in that bag" said
. equeaking female vOce-"lll warrant he's
going counting. Looks dreadful sheepish."
And the vehicle vhirled away.
! took cross path and reached the sta.
fion full five minutes ahead of it, and had
the satisfaction OF hearing ono woman saw
to another. indicating me with nod OF her
bonnet:
There, that fellow with the carpetbap
looks exactly like the chap that stole nv
silver spoons when we had our tea party.
Wish could see the inside Of his valise."
l made g dive for the door of the first
young lady was descending the
steps at the same time with . tandbox in
ler hand.
l was in = hurry. and did not stop for
ceremony. My carpef-bag went fhump
against her bandbOx, smashed 10 the side
# the abomination, and out rolled French |
bonnet, q pair Of old boOtp, a puff ball. a
link saucer, bottle Of concentrated musk.
at. and yellow covered novel.
The lady screamed, the guard gf6wled AZ |
ne, and ] made the best OF my way into /
he carriage.
fput my carpet bag on the seat beside
no, and employed myself by locking out Of |
he window. At the next station . fat
ady, radiant in purple ribbons and bugle
trimming, was added to our load. She
vept the carriage with her eyes. and
raveled straight for me. Before I could
it finger to prevent it. she had sunk
own with Sigh OF satisfaction on my car
et-bag, and At the same time there was
Turning report, and the whole air was
lied with floating particles Of nv Scotch
NUT. She had burst the bladder, and the
alice not being locked, was not 80 sena.
i0ns Of the contents as il might have been.
The lady began 70 eneeze-so did lao /
id the whole travelling community.
"Heavensw cried che. "vhst 10 it, shall
hoke to deathv'
I seized the handle Of nv bag. She
prang TO her feet cast on me q look Of in
liable scorn. and found another seat.
hung up the bag then, and thought my
'Oubles over: but nO-the carriage gave |
mother iurch. and Of the hook bounced
y carpet bag. plump on to the head Of q
rim epinster behind me. ! know she was |
spinster, because her bonnet was trimmed |
green.
She screamed, hoped up, tainted and
ii into the arms Of . fellOw-passenger I
ne was stout, ne was tnln-hle eQuilib-
um was destrOyed-Over he went into the Q
p Of my fat woman in purple ribbons. 7
,e felt herself insulted, and said she'd in 1
RIM the traffic manager, who was on the | G
ain, got up for that purpose, and pitched =
'adlOng into the gold bowed spectacles of
literary gentleman, who was reading q | e
ok. Beads and bugles darkened the air, | '
Q literary gentleman locked politely sur. d
ised, and remarked to his neighbOr that
must get out an article on the evils at g
,ding indulgence in strong drinks. The
lady subsided; the guard bore the green | b
mined spinster of to the saloon, and RI
let was restored. {.
reached my destination just as dusk d
. falling. l made my way to an hotel, b.
.pet-bag in hand. They showed me up to 10
som in the second story, and informed CT
that the supper was just ready. did d
light up; but my face felt hot and dusty, m
plunging my hand into my carpetbag,
rev out bottle of cosmetic l always "a
, and washed my face with it, wipiLg
b my handkerchief. Then got fresh 70
dkerchlef from my bag and descended
he dining room. HI
here was perfect blaze Of light, and . ca
It msny people were present. Iseated n