The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-03-13

pers, that a Boston man has just dleu ana lei
two hundred dollars to universaliet church.
would do an old-faslioned Methodist prcache
good to tell revival congregation just what ha
become of this man.
At a printers festival, lately, the followin:
toast was offered: Wonan-Second only t
the Press in the dissemination Of news Thu
ladies are yet undecided whether 10 regard thi
as compliment or otherwise.
| Which had you rather 10, 20 to Wheeling il
Virginia, or Corning in Nebraskay-EI Wen
we don't want to Bcrne Switzerland, so well gt
to Reading Massachusetts, over Andover.-BoS
ton Adrertiser Hevings! From the infantilt
quality of your drivel you should each take
Brigg and 70 to Brest.-St Louis hepub'cd"
Wen Havre few less Of these ex.Austin Puns
please Mil,ca,ka Nelrs. Yuba Dam, gentlemen
sooner or later this sort of thing Leeds TO koueh
Now ash the rib-smashers --Er
by Jovcnusr is the Danbury girls latest
A rash act-Breaking out into poetry
There's many slip twixt mustache and lip.
Eternal vigilance is the price of stand-uppery.
-Ddn5Iry NelpS.
Insects are not the only sects that sting and
bite.
Paradoxically speaking, mist is never mist
when IT is missed.
II is curiously noteworthy that the most base
charges are baseless.
The honeymoon goes out leaving the average
young man on his last quarter.
Shelburne, n. Y, has match factory, but is
no nearer heaven than any other place.
Mrs. Fitchs diamonds are fortune in Min
pieature.-ROch. Dem.
That is pun Of the first water.
An immense earring bearing the initials S. B.
A. is reported to have been excavated from the
ruins at Pompeii.
That's nothing, There was pair of socks ex.
cayated from the mineral springs, and they were
stamped with large gold letters, as follows: Il.
d. r. The stamp meant, Lost During the Rev
olution.'
With some people it is always winter These
are they who carry cold snap about with them
all the year round,
The man who said that the hardest thing IN
this world to hold is an unruy tongue never
tried his hand at lump Of sugar.
The agonics of bachelor life are never more
wildly presented than in the struggle with a
fractions collarbutton on winter morning.
The man who entered the Office Saturday,
and in the course of his remarks alluded to the
staff of this paper as 'quil.drivers,' is asked if
be takes the staff to be porcupnes.
People have again taken to dying without
yroans, as we see by the papers. That form Of
death, in our opinion. is grown intolerable The
write a facetous column and read proof for
laily paper the rest Of his life.
Last Sunday was an advance edition OF Blue
Monday, Young men who had from six to
lozcn letters to write forced themselves to the
ask with the reluctance Of schooboys, and the
,hromo whicE some OF them presented as they
nditcd their note, on d board behind the stove,
because of the unbearable cold in the vicinity of
The writing desk, hopping up every nine sec.
onds to see if that blasted fire hadn't gone out
was, as the birds say, too funny for anything
No true woman will ever marry a man so tall
.huJ sac tIlnoI TctCH his HdlT.-lH Indianapolis
HtrdM.
Many towns in Ohio are holding spelling
matches. They spell II spell and then rest
,pell.-UItrot Press.
The only men able to get around in Lewis
county, during the last blockade, were the tax
,ollcctorS,-R9m Sent,
Since Buffalo Bill and the Warm Spring In
lians left town, the whooping cough is dlsap.
BWdget.
The harder variety of street loafers have re.
umed their seats on the salt barrels in sunny
cs.-Fuiton Times.
Washington was not the exclusive proprietor
If a birthday, tibet such fuss Should be made
,vcr II. Even b. Batter, who always told lie
AN brag of birthday whitehall Times
II Is strange what resemblance there is be-
ween boys face just after q pancake break
asst, and these molasses fly traps they have about
grocery stores IN the summer timc.-fulton
Times.
One of the sweetest things about young and
budding love Is the way IN which she will
smooth ;hc hair so gently OFF your brow, and
hen smile tenderly in your face and show that
lbout four OF her back teeth are gone.-NOr-
cich Bulletin.