New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-03-14
Talmage and Hot NIince Pie.

scientific men q belief that there must b,
| an explanation of Talmage. Of course, b.
| the majority of the community he is re
| garded simply as freak Of nature; but tn,
scientific mind is reluctant to admit tina
freaks of nature are really anything NOR.
than the result of natural laws, operating
under unusual conditions. By what Law
Talmage has been evolved it has hitherto
been impossible to conjecture. Analysed
by any moral spectroscope he has displayed
lines which could be recognized as repre-
sentative of no moral or intellectual ele
| ment. He has thus baffled investigation
and even those who were most confident
that with the progress of science some
theory which would adequately explain
Talmage would be formulated and demon
strated, have been compelled to confess
that so far he has been as inexplicable as
the zodiacal light.
And yet, while Talmage was to the scien.
tific mind stumbling block, and to the
man OF common sense ''pure cussedness,' u
he was himself about to solve the mystery
of his being. Last Sunday Talmage ex-
planned himself. He was preaching q SER
mon against Spiritualism, and in so doing,
accidently admitted that he himself had
seen spirits, or to be precise, that he had
seen spirit, in the shape Of an eminent
doctor of divinity, madly riding astride the
unnecessary for Talmage to explain that
this was not genuine spirit, since it is
quite inconceivab1e that Talmage in bed
should be q spectacle sufficiently alluring
to attract disembodied doctor Of divinity
from his happy orthodox heaven. Never
theless, Talmage took the trouble to assure
his hearers that his apparently supernatural
visitor was not the respectable theological
ghost which he purported to be, but was
IT, kI<av <,r LzA
pie" And furthermore, he claimed that
all spiritual phenomena have the same
pr0saic origin.
The Importance Of this admission in fur
nishing q key to Talmage can not be over
estimated. Intellectually and morally he is
the result of hot mince pie. The explanation
seems wonderfully simple. now that We
have it, and it is certainly strange that some
physician familiar with the effects of the pie
habit has not long ago pointed out Talmage
as manifest victim of pie. We have no
reason to suppose that the particular de-
bauch of mince pie hot, and with or without
sugar, which Talmage so unblushingly cou-
fesses, was an isolated instance of his being
overtaken by pie. Doubtless the habit is
with him one of long standing. 1t probably
originated in his desire to add to the bril-
fancy of his sermons. The Rev. Mr.. Stlg-
gins was accustomed, as Mr.. Weller informs
ns, to wind hisself up on toast and water"
and Mr.. Talmage may have argued from
Ibis example that little pie might justifa-
bly, be employed to stimulate his own mental
powers. Beginning with small section
If pumpkin or custard pie, he has probably
,ided by degrees into the use Of stronger
timulants. In fact, no man suddenly be-
comes addicted to hot mince pie. 1t is ONLY
when the mild exhilaration of cold pumpkin
,ie and the stronger excitement of cold ap-
lie pie have palled upon him that the un-
lappy victim OF his own unbridled appetites !
urns to hot mince pie as the last resort of !
he confirmed and hopeless pie eater
To the serious mind there is something |
shocking in the spectacle of a |
preaching under the influence of |
lot mince pie. Indeed. now that we know |
he real origin of Talmage's pulpit antics,
hey seem even more repulsive than when |
ve regarded them merely as the manifesto !
ions of some occult idiotic force. We can not, |
# course, hold him responsible for what he |
oes or says after the quadrant of hot mince |
lie, OF which he has partaken just before !
ntering the pulpit, has mounted to his
rain, but he is clearly responsible for bav-
ng permitted himself to form the habit |
which has so evident and terrible q hold |
pom him. Probably it is too late for him
ow to reform. He has already seen in q
elirious vision spectoal and undignified
oct0r OF divinity. A few more such blood
urdling apparations, and the end of the
ictim OF pie is at hand.
May We not hope that the young and
houghtless who recklessIy consume the
dulterated and deadly compounds sold
nder the names Of ''fne old crusted apple
ie" and sparkling cocosnut pie" will take
'arning by the melancholy spectacle pre-
,nted in the person of Talmage? This
|
nd would have Indignantly denied the pos
bility that one day he should be habitually
nilty of disorderIy sermons, yelled forth
nder the maddening influence of mince
10. Such as he is to- day hundreds of our
'ung men may become, unless they resolve
lat under no circumstances will they per.
it themselves to become addicted as
abit to the private or social consumption
pie.-New York World