Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1875-10-22
An Hour in the Detroit POlice-COurt.
AN AGUE CASE.

The first prisoner out was shaking with
a fit of the ague He was bent over, his
lips were blue, his short hair stood up
like bristles, and as the shakes ran up and
down his back the chairs almost danced
around
"This is pretty state of affairs, George
Cainp' exclaimed His Honor "Tell me,
sir, what business you had to have the
ague just as / want to try you for being
drunk"
az don't k-n-o-wl' gasped George,
shivering as if cold crOw-bar had been
run down behind his collar.
'Is this the real ague, or are you trying
to deceive me?"
It's the-the age rl'' gasped the pris-
oner.
"Do you feel cold?"
"Y-y-yes, sir"
"And can't you keep your teeth from
knocking together?"
No-no-nO-no, sir"
"Well, Pm going to let you shake your
self out of court; but harkee, boy! II
| they trot you in here again on the same
charge, and the ague comes on, I'll send
out after ice, oil-cloth and all the other
cold things l can think of, and I'll freeze
you to death and sell your body for
lawn ornament Paste those words in the
crown of your hat, George Cain, for I'm
terribly in earnest. Go home now, and If
you meet an old friend on the street and
he holds out his hand and asks you to
shake do you oblige him."
POOR SUCCESS.
Henry Masters long red nose had been
thrust through the bars of the corridor
door during the above trial, and, seeing
how Cain had fared he also had the ague
when he came out His teeth ratified, his
knees knocked together and he shivered
like loose shingle in a gale.
And you've got the ague, too?" asked
the Court.
"Y-yes, s-sir."
The real genuine ague, is it?"
Yes-yes-yes, SIR"
"You are not putting up a job on me ?"
N-n-no, sir"
"Well, it would be nothing less than
brutal to throw man out doors on such
II morning as this with the ague. should
suspend sentence on you if you were in
good health, but as it is I'll send you up
| for three months! You will have brick
house to live in, lots of medicine, and
hev'll care for you and nurse you"
The expression which gallOped over MT.
| Masters face was made up of equal parts
of cLagrin, astonishment, rage and disap-
poinhment, and he quit shaking in an in
slant.
Oil" he began, when His Honor
! interrupted:
| Take him away, Bijah, and treat him
tenderly. If he wants TO sit down on the
cOal-scuttle and lean against q saw-horse
grant him the favor, for he looks as if the
grave would soon envelop his frail form"
GRAVE oFFENsE.
I'm in an awful hurry to catch the
| fFos aai1 Il .lar h..
walked out.
"No hurry-no hurry" replied the
Court as he stood his bundle of warrants
ON end.
I" But want to get out"
No doubt you do, my friend, but
want to ask you few plain questions be-
fore you go. Did you get drunk?"
did, sir, but it was because took
whisky to keep the rheumatism away"
" Bosh! That's pretty lame, Mr..
Ostrander."
81 know it. sir, and I'll give you pair
of boots I've got in there if you'll let me
60"
" Prisoner at the bar" said His Honor
| gravely, "you are guilty of a serious
otfense. might call it heinous crime,
! for attempting TO bribe Judge is three Op
! four pegs above burglary or arson. You
have boldly and willingly offered me a
pair of old calf-skin boots with the heels
run down if l will prove false to my
solemn oath. Dare you utter one single
word in extenuation of such base viii
lainy?"
The prisoner carefully studied the land
scape to be seen from the alley window
and did not reply.
"YOu cannot bribe me-" continued the
Court. "I'd go barefooted all my life be-
fore I'd take such an old pair of boots as
bribe! do not think you recognize the
enormity of your otfense or I'd have the
case taken to the Supreme Court at once"
"pm very sOrry-I j"
"To come back TO the original case,
are you guilty of drunkenness?"
IL guess So"
"And you realize that you ought to be
punished?"
" It's the first and last time, sir"
"Answer my question"
"rll leave town right away"
" "Answer my question"
eyes, OIL thunder but don't tuck il on
too heavyr'
"Can you truly say that you arc peni-
tentY'
"You bet can! Let me go this once
and if I'm ever found here again you may
kill me at oncer
"Where do you live2"
"In Saginaw"
"Well, you've got eight minutes to
catch the train. Pick up your baggage,
get out doors, and if you ever put your
feet down fast do it now"-DetrOft Free
Press.
A MILWAUKEE paper tells about an old
citizen "who, in Orde! % keep the thievish
boys from plundering his apple-uees,
posted marble dog in his orchard. The
following morning he found his dog minus
tail and legs, and in his mouth he held
shingle with the strange device, l am
siek.1 The old person considers the ex-
pertinent failure"
"D. BOONE killed bar ON this tree,
1775," may be found ON almost any tree
now, and every little while ii affords some
| anfnrnriainn nawsnnner an item which ia