The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-10-19
Cousin Sally billiard"

a beardless disciple Of Themis arose
and thus addressed the oourt May l.
please your worship, aud you, gentlemen
of the jury, since it has been my fortune
(good or bad | will not say to exercise
myself in legal disquisitions, it has never
before befallen me to be obliged to prose
cute so direiul, marked and malicious au
assault--a more dreful, williul, danger.
Gus battery, and finally, u moro diaboi-
cal breach of the peace it has seldom
been Jour duty to pass upon one SO shock
ing TO benevolent feelings. as that which
took place over at Captain Kice's u this
county. But you will hear from the wit.
nesses."
The witnesses being sworn two or three
we're examined, and deposed Que said
that he heard the noise aud did not see
the fight another that he saw the row.
bat didn't know who struck FIRST, and II
third, that he was very drunk, and
couldn't say much about the scrimmage.
Lawyer Chops-'I am very sorry,
gentlemen, to have occupied your time
with the stupidity Of the witnesses exam.
lned. Had L known, as | now do, that
| had a witness in attendance who was
well acquainted with all the circumstan.
ces OF the case, aud was able to make
himself clearly understood by tho court
and jury, / should not so long have tres
passed On your time and patti, nee. Come
forward, Mr.. Harris, and be sworn"
So forward came the witness, fat,
chubby looking man, "lcete" corned,
aud took his oath with an air.
Cbops-"HarIis, we wish you to tell
about the riot that happened the other
day, at Captain Rices as a good deal
OF time has already been wasted 10 cir.
cumlocution, we wish to be compendious,
and at the same time as explicit as posi-.
ble."
xacily'-giving the law
yer knowing wink, aud at the same time
clearing his throat--"Captain Rice, he
gin treat. and Cousin Sally billiard,
she came over to our house and uxed me
1t my wife she moutn't 90. told Cousin
Sally billiard that my wife was poorly
being as how she had touch OF rbeu
matics in the hip, and the big swamp was
10 the road, and the big swamp was up,
for there had been heap Of rain lately
but bowsomever, as it was she, Cousin
Sally billiard, my wife she mout 90.
Well. Cousin Sally billiard then asked
1t Nose be moutu't go. | told Cousin
Sally Dlllard, Nose he was foreman ol
the crap, and the crap was smartIy 10 the
grass but howsomever, as it was she,
Cousin Sally billiard, Nose be mout 60"
Chops-"ln the name OF common
sense, Mr. larris, what do you neau by
this rlgluarole ? d. say what you know
about the riot"
Wi'ness-"Captain Rice. ho gin
treat, and Cousin Sally billiard she
came over to our house aud axed me
if my wife she moutn't go. l told Cousin
Sally Dillard-"
C,hOps-"siOp' sir If you please; we
Sally billiard and your wiGo-teIl Us
upOue euO uSul dt ltlcG y.
Wituess-"Well, l will, sir, if you
will let me-"
Chops-"Well cir, 60 on"
Wituess-"Well, Captain Rice he gi'n
a treat, and Cousin Sally billiard she
came over to our house and axed rue il
my wife che moutn't 90"
Chops--'This is iulolerable. May it
please the court, movo that this wit
ness be committed for contempt; be
seems to be tritlug With this court"
Couit-"WiIue.s, you are now before
court OF justice, aud unless you behave
yourself III more becoming manner you
will be seut to jai. so begin aud tell
what you know about the fight at Cap.
tain kice's."
Witness (alarmcd)-"Well, gentlemen,
Captain Rice he gin treat, aud Cousin
Sally Dillard-"
Chops-"l hope the witness may be
ordered into custody"
o. t-r~- i-i.L--~.:-s) AZ. ~
torney, the court is of opinion that we
may save time by telling the witness to
90 oo IN his own way. Proceed, Mr.
Harris. with your story but stick to
the point"
Witness-"Yes, gentlemen well.
Captain Rice he gin treat, and Cousin
Sally billiard she come over to our house
aud axed me it my wife she moutn't 20.
told Cousin Sally Dillard that my wife
she was poorly, being as how she had the
rheumatcs in the hip. and the big swamp
was up but howsomever. as it was she,
Cousin Sally Dlllard. my wife shc mout
20. Well. Cousin Sally billiard then
asked me if Moe he mount go. told
Cousin Sally billiard as Nose be was fore
msD oflhe crap, and the crap was smart
Iy 10 the grass, but howsolnever. as it
was she, Cousin Sally billiard, Nose he
mout go. So they goes on together,
Nose, my wife, and Cousin sally Dllard,
aud they como to the big swamp, aud il
was up, as | was telling you, but being
as how there was a log across the big
swamp, Cousin Sally Dlllard, and Nose,
like gentle folks, they walked tho log,
but my wife. like drafted fool, tucked
up her clothes aud waded right through,
cotched cold, and has had the rheumat
les ever since, aud that's all | know about
the fight -