davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28

" Monkeys room" This is Darwin
going backward
Dogs, likewise, will sleep at night if
they can cats, observe, are sleepy III
the morning, the reason being that the
wretches have been out all night, and, of
course, feel very seedy in the morning,
and doubtless their heads ache some
times and it serves them right if they
did, considering the row they make,
fighting and caterwauling / have
strong reasons to think that my own
black cat is president of free and easy
club, for they hold their meetings among
the ruins of the Colosseum at the back
of my house. This regular "cattery. "
All the stray cats in the Regents Park and
the neighborhood come here to arrange
family matters sometimes they come
into back cellar where 1 keep skele-
tons, casts, ETC., and kindly supply me
with fine lot of kittens, which l con.
vert into skeletons, casts, etc. / confess
do not know how to get rid of cater.
wauling cats. Will any one tell us!
L now venture to suggest a new but
simple remedy for want of sleep. Opt
ates in any form, even the liquor Opt,
sedat., and chlorodyne, will leave traces
of their influence the next morning.
therefore prescribe for myself-and have
frequently done so for others-onions
simply common onions raw, but Spanish
onions stewed will do. Everybody
knows the taste of onions this is due tc
a peculiar essential oil contained in this
most valuable and healthy root
This oil has, L am sure, highly
soporitic powers. In my own CASE
they never fail. If 1 am much pressed
with work, and feel shall not sleep,
eat two or three small onions, and the
effect is magical. Onions are also excel
lent things to eat when much exposed tC
intense cold. Mr.. Parnaby, Troutdalt
Fishery, Keswick, informs me that
when collecting salmon and trout egg,
in the winter, he finds that common raw
onions enable him and his men to beau
the ice and cold of the semi-frozen water
much better than spirits, beer, etc. The
arctic expedition, just now about to start
should therefore take good stock Of
onions. Finally, if person cannot
sleep, it is because the blood is in his
brain, not in his stomach; the remedy
therefore, is obvious: call the BLOOD
down from the brain to the stomach
This is to be done by eating biscuit, &
hard boiled egg, bit of bread anG
cheese, or something. Follow this W
with glass of wine or milk, or ever
water, and you will fall asleep, and will
l trust, bless the name of-Frallk Buck
Idnd, Ia Land and Water.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
THE DEEPEST WErn-In the vi

THE DEEPEST WELL.-In the village
of Sperenberg, about 20 miles distant
from Berlin, is situated the deepest well
in the world. IL is for some distance 16
feet in diameter and is 4,194 feet in
depth. 1t was begun about five years
ago by the government authorities with
a view to ascertaining the existence of
rock-salt beneath the straits OF gypsum
occurring in the locality. At depth of
$50 feet the salt was reached, but the
boring was continued to a depth of $50
feet, the diameter of the bore being re-
duced to about ID inches. The boring
was subsequently prosecuted by steam
until the final depth of 4, 1874 feet was at
tanned. At the lowest point, the salt de-
posts still continue, exhibiting the enor-
nous thickness of 2,907 feet.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
THE COUNCIL OF HORSES.

Upon a time a neighing steed.
Who grazed among n numerous breed
With mutiny had fired the tran,
And spread dissension through the pam.
On matters thai concerned the state
The council met in grand debate.
A colt whose eye-balls famed with Ire,
Elate with strength and youthful FIRE,
In haste stepped forth be fore the rest,
And thus the listening throng addressed;
"Alas how abject Is our race,
Condemned 10 slavery ana Disgrace!
Shall we our ssrvitude retain,
Because our sires have borne the chain?
Consider, friehds your strength and might,
'Tis conquest TO assert your right.
How cumbrous ia the gilded coach!
The pride OF man IN our reproach.
Were We designed for daily toll,
To drag the ploughshare through the SOIL
To sweat in harness on the road,
To groan beneath the carriers load
How feeble are the two-legged kind
What force Ia in our nerves Combined
Shall then our nobler jaws submit
To foam and champ the gazing bit
Shall naughty man my back bes:ride?
Shall the sharp spur provoke my side?
Forbid IL, friends Reject the rein;
Your shame, your infaIny disdain.
Let him the lion first control,
And still the tigers famished erowl.
Let us, like them, our freedom claim,
And make him tremble at our name"
general nod approved the cause,
And all the circle neighed applause.
When, 10 with grave and solemn pace,
A steed advanced before the race,
With age and long experience wise;
Around he cast his thoughtful eyes,
And to the murmurs of his train
Thus spoke the Nestor Of the plain:
''when had health and strength, Ike you
The tolls OF servitude / knew.
Now grateful man rewards my pains,
And gives me all these wide dernains.
At will crop the years increase;
Ny latter life is rest and peace.
grant TO man we lend our pains,
Help him TO cultivate the plains;
But doth not he divide the care
Through all the labors of the year?
How many thousand structures rise
To fence us from inclement skies?
For us he bears the sultry day,
And stores up all our winters hay.
He sows, he reaps the haryest's grain
We share the toll, and share the gain.
Since every creature was decreed
To serve each others mutual need,
Appease your discontinued mind,
And act the part by Heaven assigned.
The tumult ceased. The colt submitted,
And, like his ancestors, was bitted.
Gays Fable
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
Western Grain i'm the East.

The sharp struggle which has sprung
up between the cities of the Atlantic sea-
board, over the profits of the Western
grain, is sure to result in good to the
West. The subject of the terminal
charges " is now an engrossing theme of
discussion in the press of the competing
cities. A committee of the New York
Senate, after examining carefully into
the matter, has reported that the total
charges for transporting grain from a
canal boat after its arrival in New York,
to vessel in the harbor, is about So per
100 bushels. OF this sum, the weighing
fee is rs cents, elevating, rs cents, stor-
age IS cents, lighterage, S1.25 charges
to vessel, 62I to so cents clearing, %
cents, and the remainder is set down to
towing, wharfage and harbor-master's
fees. The same grain, on its passage
through Buffalo, is subject to similar
charges of S2.82 per 100 bushels-mak-
ing the aggregate charges on cargo of
Western grain shipped through Buffalo
by canal to New York 1872 per 100
bushels, or nearly s cents bushel. We
have seen it stated elsewhere that the
cost of transporting freight from the cars
aI Jersey Clty 10 vessels IN New York
harbor amounts to cents per 100
pounds. On the other hand, it is assert
ed that the cost of transfer from cars to
Locust Point, at Baltimore, is less than
the half of one cent per 100 pounds.
This difference in favor of Baltimore is
large enough, if maintained, to give to
that city large share of the grain trade
OF New York, and to materially threaten
the latter city's supremacy as an entire.
pot.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
rHREE-CARD MONTE.
by W. A. cRoFFur.

A sight 10 draw tears from Douder'
A clean-looking lad
On the forward ear had
Been scooped by man tial was oiuer-
Avery unprncipled eau
The hoary old sinner was sitting
With cards on his knee
aWho plays monte with mes"
He asked as the pasteboards were hitting-
.'Who1l tell me which one of the three?"
The parson that preached at Anoks-
H. Jones is his name
stood and looked at the game
kHe thought IL was euchre or poker),
Aud loudly remarked, It's shane!"
Then he spoke as became his position,
And asked Monte 20 shun
The career he'd begun,
And escape from eternal perdition
BY returning the money he'd won.
A sight 10 draw tears from a statue:
That gambler had vowed
He would clean out the crowd,
And the good boy was pennlless-that you
Could learn as he blubbered aloud.
The old sinner tossed the cards under
And over and back
The ace, tray and jack
And they seemed 10 Jones, gazing III wonder,
The lyeliest cards In the pack.
Three pasteboards the monte man 1uttered,
Nor lifted his phiz
Kept right at his biz
And the parson thought, rather than uttered,
Snow see where every card is !"
He whispered. "AIy good lad, the winner
Must know what TO do
See the trick through and through
Must be sharp; I'll rebuke that old sinner,
And win back your money for you.
A the hardeped old buffer was sitting
The parson could see
Every card on his knee;
Again the bright pasteboards were fitting
The jack and the ace and the three.
Jones put up his watch as a wager,
Laid hand on the back
OF a card in the pack,
And said, lis the tray" The old stager
Upturned it, and 10! twas the jack
The good boy ceased his plaintive narration,
And smiled, if glad
The unprincipled cad
Took the watch and got of at The station;
Jones gritted his teeth and was-sad.
For in a low dive in a cellar
The cronies went down
He saw the dice thrown,
And they drunk to :" that artful old feller"-
sight to draw tears from stone.
Jones poured out his grefs TO a brother,
And soon il was known
Where his ticker had gone;
Parish Clipped in and bought him another,
Inscribed, Never travel alone :"
The monte twain keep their position:
The good little lad
And unprincipled cad;
Jones went to the Hottentot mission;
81 can't stand the heather" he said
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28

through the left wrist. The funeral was
on Monday attended by thousands. Mrs.
Young went into the room and looked at
the corpse, AS others did, when the coffin
lid was last Other only visit.
Albert was buried on Saturday morn
ing in a field 200 yards from the house.
Neighbors objected to putting him in
the public burying- ground.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
Wit and HumOr.
WHAIEMAN's motto-ne try.

WHAIEMAN's motto-Ile try.
WoMAN's movement-Using the fan.
BARRIERS say that bald headed men
dye easy.
A MAN sticks at nothing when he tries
to stab ghost.
"THE cause of woman suffrage -
Scarcity of husbands.
WHAT did Noah's bees do while afoatl
They kept the archives.
THE annual prediction of the seventeen
year locusts turns punctually up.
WHY are jokes like nuts Because the
dryer they are the better they crack.
You can't weigh an eel with scales, be-
cause they have no scales, you know.
IT is only when the rich are sick that
they realize the impotence of wealth.
QUITE likely. Somebody says that
birch rods make the best baby Jumpers.
WORD to ladies-Its always safe to
be " engaged when a man, or woman
either, rings the door bell and asks to
see "the lady of the house.
A WESTERN man, reading of cricket
club in New York paper, writes the
editor to know if the club is good for
anything for grasshoppers.
WHEN the envious Miss McFlimsey
sees her rival dressed in something more
than ordinary elegance, she simply NUT
ters the significant word Struggled !"
BMBBs' boy says that if he thought he
should ever get so old that he wouldn't
care for molasses ball, he would pray
that he might die when he was young
and innocent.
BERGH says that the popular mode of
killing mosquitoes by rolling them be-
tween the thumb and forefnger is bar
barous, as it only half kills the insects.
Tying shot around their necks and drown
ing them would be more humane.
"THE revisers of the Bible have
reached Isaiah in twenty-eight sessions"
This is very slow work. cold Whaxem,
schoolmaster, reached Isaiah in one SEES
sion. Isaiah was in the act of placing
crooked pin on the masters seat at the
time"
EDO you intend to masticdte your
house Z" inquired lady of friend who
was building. He was critical, cultured
New Highlander, as exact as witty. What
a droll look came over his face as he an
swered Ny wife says that can eat
like an anaconda, and / am blessed with
the digestion of an ostrich but, really,
madam, don't think l could manage
three-story brick"
The German papers tell this story in
connection with Baron Rothschilds'
death A. B. meeting b., weeping
and sobbing aloud. Says A., why do
you weep?" Because" says b., as if
his heart were breaking, "because he is
dead, the powerful, the rich baron"
"But," replied A., "why do you cry 50
much he was no relation of yours"
"That's Just what I'm crying about"
bowls B., more affected than ever.
As two school girls were posting let
ter the other morning one of them said:
GAS / was telling you, ma and / are GO
ing to the White Mountains, to be gone
all summer. I'm going to have gray
dress and a green dress, and blue dress
and a new hat and new shoes, and ma
says I'll probably find beau and she
says I've got to commence being digni-
fed, and 1 left my gum at home and
shan't chew another bit nor carry any
more jaw-breakers to school"
BLESSING OTHERS.
Who blesses others in hNs daily deeds
win find the healing that his spirit needs;
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28

A COOP CROP OF BULLETS. Georgia
newspaper says In Resaca there is a
merchant, part of whose business it is
to collect the leaden bullets that are
scattered over that tragic field. He en-
ployes a good many children who are
steadily engaged in collecting these bull
lets, for which he pays them five cents
per pound. These bullets he ships to
Baltimore, where he sells them at seven
cents. He told Capt. Smith that he had al
ready collectedand shipped Is, OOOpounds
and that he then had on hand about
1900 pounds more"
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28
BLESSING OTHERS,

Who blesses others in hhs daily deeds,
VIII find the healing that his spirit needs;
For every flower in others pathway strewn,
Confers its fragrant beauty on our own.
The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28

JOHN SMITH was the first victim of the
New York Compulsory Education act.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

Manufactured at Concord, n H., is now
acknowledged by our best Musicians to
exceed in some important points any
other manufactured. These Organs can
be seen at the Store of FILLMORE Bros,
GallipOlis, o. Price Lists and Schedule
of Rates of Payment furnished on APP
plicatiOn.
ii. G. SUMMERS. Pine Grove, o., r
Sole Agent for Gallia County, o., w.
Va, and Kentucky.
Porter, pine Grove p. o.
Aug. 90, 1874.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
Coffee Made of Old Shirts.

We ecalled attention not long since to
recent triumph of science more Gu
rious than tempting, viz, the manu-
facture of nice table jelly out of old
boots. But science stops at nothing,
and now matches its last exploit with
another. The Scientific american
says:
Some time ago DIR. Wander Weyde,
of this city New York, RECALLED
some friends not merely with boot
jelly, but with shirt coffee, and the
repast was pronounced by all par
takers excellent. The shirt coffee was
sweetened with cuff and collar sugar,
both coffee and sugar being produced
in the same way. The linen (of
course after washing) was treated
with nitric acid, which, acting on the
Ignite in the fiber, produced glucose
or grape sugar. This, roasted, made
an excellent imitation of coffee, which
an addition of unroasted glucose
readily sweetened.
The toad takes off his dotted coat
and pantaloons after they get old and
dirty, and eats them with 4 relish.
This ''old boot and shirt business"
looks very much as though the chem
lists intend that men shall not be out
done in economy even by toads.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
John Robinson,s Sad Fun-

John Robinson made New Years S
calls. He called on saloon keeper.
he called for liquor, called the liquor
good, and drank enough to trip him
up. Then he called for police, and
when the police came he called them
liars and such.
Il was having a little fun" he ex-
planned, winking at his Honor.
"John Robinson, are you aware
that this is very solemn world" said
the Court, "a world which has ten
heart aches to one smile? Don't you
know that the grim shadow of grief
rests upon every door step, and that
the tombstones in the cemeteries al
most outnumber the trees in the for
est? There's wailing in every house
hold, John Robinson-there's grief
in every heart. And yet You claim
that you were only having little
funr'
That's all, your honor; it was a
holiday"
at was sad fun, John Robinson.
While all the rest of US was swearing
off and making double-back-action
resolves you were lying at the corner
of an alley dead drunk. 1t is S. or
sixty days, sir, and if this case was
before Chicago police justice, he'd
make it $500 or life sentence"
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

The ma1 who swallowed the fork
in Paris has found a rival there in
a fellow who recently laid wager
that he could swallow 120 francs in
gold. The wager was accepted, the
money, in ten-franc (two-dollar)
pieces, was absorbed, and the foolish
man soon became so i'll that he was
transported to the hospital. There
an active course of treatment soon
brought to light eleven of the twelve
gold pieces, but the twelfth remained
obstinately hidden. An abscess form
ing in the larynX its whereabouts
was revealed in somewhat dangerous
fashion. All efforts for its removal
proved fruitless, and a total extinc-
tion of voice ensued. The other dav.
during a violent attack of coughing
the abscess broke and the ten.franc
piece was coughcd up. In the midst
of his relief the ungrateful scamp
was furious because the hospital au
thorities insisted upon returning the
coin to its lawful owner.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
England's southern Empire

England's Empire in the Southern
Hemisphere covers 100000 square
miles, the size of the United States
less Alaska. The white population
of Australasia, as these great islands
are called, was, in 1850, about 240,-
900. Now il is but little less than
100000. Victoria has grown from
1900 in these twenty-five years, a
ten-fold growth. Queensland has
grown from 5000 to 125,000. Tas-
mania which had a population too
small to be counted in 1850, has 100,
600 now. New Zealand has grown
ten-fold, in a quarter of century,
from $4,000 to 100000. The popula-
ton of Australasia is largely English
and strongly Protestant. Emigration
has been freely encouraged. Several
of the colonies are no longer penal,
and the actual number of criminals
on the islands is very small.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

A YOUNG man charged with being
lazy was asked if he took it from his
father. 81 think not" was the reply;
"father's got all the laziness he ever
had"
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
Bad Penmanship.

The President of a galway wrote q
letter to a man living on the line of
the road to move barn which stood
on the land owned by the company,
as it obstructed the view of the en-
gineer in running his train. The
farmer could not read the letter, but
as it was written on railroad paper
with a printed heading. he thought
any Of the conductors would be able
to read it. The next time he took
passage in the train he presented the
letter to the conductor, saying moth
ing. The conductor could not read
it, but, supposing it to be "pass,"
handed it back, saying, "All right" !"
The farmer used it for pass for a
year and half.
A lawyer in Massachusetts wrote
to a client who, not being able to read
anything of it but the signature, car
ried it to the writer to have him read
it. He scanned it closely with puz-
zled look, and asked the client on
what subject he would be likely to
write him. When he mentioned the
topics in regard to which he supposed
the letter might refer-the lawyer,
with this clue, was enabled to read
his own writing.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

FACTS ABOUT THE BIBLE.-A pris
oner condemned to solitary confine
ment, obtained a copy of the Bible
and by three years careful study, OBJ
tanned the following facts:
The Bible contains S,5S6,4S9 let
ters, 773,602 words, 31,173 verses
4, ,1S9 chapters, and Sc books.
The word "and" occurs 1927
times. The word Lord occurs 1856
times.
The word Reverend occurs but
once, which is in thes9th verse of the
11th Psalm.
The 2lst verse of the 7th chapter
of Ezra contains all the letters in the
alphabet except the letter j.
The finest chapter to read is the
29th chapter of the Acts of the Apos-
ties.
The 10Th chapter of II Kings and
the 37th chapter of Isaiah are alike.
The longest verse is the 9th verse
of the chapter of Esther.
The shortest verse is the 35th
verse of the 11th chapter of St
John.
The Sth, 18th, and 21st and 31st
verses of the 10th Psalm are alike.
Each verse of the both Psalm
ends alike.
There are no words or names OF
more than six syllables.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

AT Nantes, in France, the Daven-
port Brothers gave their usual exhi-
bition, but the knots were tied by an
old sailor. The result was not as
usual; instead of five minutes those
knots amused the spirits for just
half an hour.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
Great Reduction in Prices in
Cotton and Wooden

DRESS GOODS.
Calicoes, 10 cents per yard, best make.
Muslins, from s to 10 cents per yard.
Flannels, from % to 30 cents per yard.
Waterproofs, all colors, from 80 cents
to 81 40 per yard.
Black Lustre and Mohair, double
width, from 30 cents to 81 90.
French AIerinos, all wool, l yard
wide, 60 cents per yard.
Empress Cloth, from 45 to 80 cents.
And all other dress goods will be sold
in the same proportion.
Also, big lot of double, single, and
breakfastshawls will be sold low.
Balmorals and felt skirts at very low
prices.
Jeans and Cassimeres at greatly re-
duced prices, and everythsng in the
Dry Goods line at lower prices than
ever.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

N. Y. WoRLD: This is how an
old saw was rendered yesterday by a
visiting clergyman at a church on
Murray Hill: "You may kindly
guide the prancing steed to the crys-
tai brook which babbles down the
hillside to the summer sun, but you
cannot coerce him to stoop and slack
ms thirst in the silvery stream if he
fered Kindness,
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

MARIA is very popular name in
Illinois. When a cat climbs a back
fence in a well populated neighbor-
hood, and plaintively calls out a
"Mariar?" twenty or thirty windows
are hastily thrown up, from which
protrude twenty or thirty female
heads, wildly answering "whatS'
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
MUSICAL INSTRUMENTS.
ON TIME !

DERSONS of moderate income, and
those whose means are tied up in
business, can by this system of Easy
Monthly Payments, purchase and
pay for an Organ or MelOdeOn and ne0er
miss the money; whereas, it might be
quite impossible for them to pay the full
cash value at once.
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

A PERSON desiring to transact some
private business with another was in
yited by him to step into neighbor-
ing store. 'But we shall be dis
turbed there" said the first. sOh
no" was the reply; ''they don't ad-
yertise"
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

The mule was new to Duluth and
Duluth weather, and in his ignor-
ance he reached out his tongue and
toyed with an old kettle which had
once contained oats. They have to
mash his feed for him now, and there
are days at time when he does not
bray a bray.-Free Press
Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18

The man who predicted mild and
open winter, because the hair on
squirrels tails was not as thick as
usual, had his ears frozen four inches
deep the other morning.
The New York herald. [volume] (New York [N.Y.]) 1840-1920, 1875-05-04

IT. ANTFn--A GERMAN or PROrEsTANT RFR.
w want q 90 general t0Usev8re III family three
mast b. good go II washer ADD ironer Appy fues.
day. Al is Weal OH