The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-09-10
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

A number seven hat will just fit St.
Louis mosquito bite.-Misaoaukee Sentinel
"What about Cuba" /" asks the St. Louis
Times. AS Cuba is an island, we should
say-water !-RoeAestsr Egpress.
Josh Billings remarks: "The only way
to git thru this world and escape eensure
and abuse is to take sum back road. You
kant travel the main turnpike and do ii"
The popular mode Of killing mosquitoes
by rolling them between the thumb and
forefinger is ban barous, as it only half kills
the insects. The proper way to do it is to
tie a cannon ball around their neeks and
then drown them Tonkers Gazette.
An Indian squaw who passed through
this city yesterday from the far West had
chignon that looked very like the hair of
the New York Herald's correspondent
who wrote a few weeks ago that the In
dians were very friendly = MSlaoaakee Sen
tinel.
The dwelling of Mr.. Conshens, of Clinton,
Woo CAlOAO0 Wy shAOO UAcAhPc, WAOe OCSVAA-
ing rather too importunate in their de-
mands, his daughter Mary seized a shotgun
and put the trio to flight. And 'thus doth
Conshens make towards of lis all - espec-
tally when she is armed with shotgun
Norrsstoson Herald. ....
Devoted Lover.-Sir, I love your daugh-
ter; all that is necessary to complete our hap
piness is yonr blessing. Stern Parent-No,
Sir! my daughter has got to marry a veal
thy man. Devoted Loyer.-I am one of
the gaugers indicted by the grand jury
-. Stern Parent. her-bless you,
my children MSgUaukee Neacs.
Fitz John Porter is to-day the greatest
living exemplar of Hope. There he still
sits, just as he sat years and years ago,
with his legs dangling over Lethe's wharf,
and all his soul immersed in the one absorb
ing passion of angling for justice. May
the gods grant him bite now and then,
even if he catch no fish.-Brooklyn Argus.
A Charleston woman went to the post
Office the other day and found in her
drawer Jorge card, which read: "Apply
for valuable package" After scanning it
once or twice, she raised her head and re-
marked to the crowd standing around: 81
would give four dollar dog to find out
what cuss had the impudence to try to
April-fool as smart woman as I am in the
middle of August" The majority of the
crowd had business outside. Nation Ga
gette.
"A very tall and shabby looking man, a
fellow that reminded you of yagrant let
ter from font of forty-line paragon extra
condensed, stepped up to one of our bars,
last week, and after heaving a glass of
liquor into his long throat, blandly asked
the bartender if he could change $40
bill. The gentleman Informed him that
he could. Well" said the tall one, with
sigh of satisfaction, "l'l go out and see
if can find one," and he plunged out into
the cold world on his mission.-LouispsIe
Commercial
emusic hath charms to soothe the savage
breast" young Mr.. Wayland, Of Bloom
field, began to remark one day last week,
just as they were lifting piano cut Of the
express wagon, and just then the music
box slipped from their hands and MIR.
Wayland went on Ow-w! Murder! Muir
der! Murder! Fire! Police! Help! Oh!
Mother! Mother! Oh! Lordy! Oh! Doc
H.
blank thing to blankety blank" And
then they chopped two of his toes off and
set his ankle. He has no ear for music
now.-Barlington Haaok-Eye.