davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
A TALE OF WOE.

"He's scooted with. another woman!"
exclaimed corpulent female, afflicted
with asthma, as she pulled herself
through the door ofthe central station j.
The police sergeants are never hasty
about expressing their opinion, and tn e
one in charge Of the station looked at
the woman and didn't even nod his
head for her to go on, The woman
took chair, or nearly two chairs,
pulled away like a hack horse for
several minutes and then, as the tear s
came to her eyes, she continued: g.
"I1l never forgive him, and if he's
caught you may sentence him for life |!
To think that after we've lived together
these five years and better he Should
desert his own true love and run away
with a girl named Sarah !"
"You refer to your husband, 1 sup.
pose;"' said the sergeant cautiously.
FsWlrat other woman's husband would
1 be referring to ~ she demanded. 10y
course it's my husband-my John
Henry Polk"
"And I infer that he has deserted
you's e.e
"That's what he's deserted
me and run off with a girl named
Sarah something Or other, and I'm left
here without friend!"
ssHe should 'ntsbavc done thatr' res
marked the sergeant after . long pause.
"Ne, he shouldn't" she replied
"Why, what was he when l married
him! Didn't take him when he was
good for nothing, insignificant whifet
of sixteen and bring him'up to- be what
he is? And now this is my returnv'
She sobbed away for awhile and then
went on.
ale called me his darling-his dear
gazelle, and he said that I was sugar
melted over and all that, andsIbeheEed
it-yes, believed it, like the fool that
I am"
"And he's gone. eh?"
fGcne! Didn't l say he'd gone? I
cati hardly believe it, though, when I
lock over the letter he wrote me, and
see how he called me his shining angel
and his MONDAY star. I can hardly
realize that he has left me and taken
up with a freckled-nose girl"
cts sad-very sad" sighed the SER
geant. a'E s.'E
"You don't know my feelings" she
replied, don't begin to realize how this
heart of mine is wrenched and upset! /
wish you'd catch him, sir. wish you'd
bring him back here and stand him
over there, and leave me over here, and
lock the doors for about two minutes !"
'Be calm, madam" remarked the
sergeant.
''Carm! How can be earn! When
I think of John Henry and Sarah, and
dear gazelle, and shining angel, and
MONDAY star, can 1 bid my heart be
carm?"
She left her husbands description and
went away, and the police will catch
him if they can. s. s"s.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
Accident to the Demon Of the Hart8.

The leading trsgedian in our little
theatre in New Castle is named Ham
mer, and he has gone away now on
sick leave They produced, q week or
two ago, play entitled ''The Demon
of the Hartz," and Mr. Hammer as
sumed the character of the Demon
The young man upon whom devolved
the duty of opening and shutting the
traps, was also Instructed to flash GRIM
son flames up through the hole at inter :
walls, for the purpose Of creating the
impression that the internal regions
were located Immediately beneath the
stage, and were in condition of
terrific and perpetual combustion. He
was somewhat inexperienced, bu: he
seemed to plunge along well enough
for while. In the third act, Mr. Ham,
mer, the Demon aforesaid, had to 60
down the trap, aud his purpose was
to descend to eternal August with a
sardonic laugh and a fiendish smile
upon his forbidding countenance. The
young man below concluded that if
there ever was time when a display
of diabolical fire works would be ap-
.propriate, it was when the head demon
was coming home after hard days
work so when Mr.. Hammer was about
half way down, and was laughing his
very sardonicest, the pyrotecnical per-
son let off half barrelful of red fire,
in which the homeward bound Spirit
of Evil was entirely envelopea. The
rest of the way he went down sudden
ly, and then they laid him under the
fire plug while the water played on.
him. As soon as he was extinguished,
he rose up and sought the fire 6end
and at the conclusion of the encounter
the latter was carried around to DR..
Jones officer ona stretcher by the
carpenter and the low comedian. Mr..
Hammer then went home to; see what
his wife would think of him without
eyebrows or hair; and then he return
ed to the country for a few weeks,
until they grew in again. "The De.
mon of the Hartz" has been permantly
withdrawn.-Adr Adeler. -
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A VERDANr PLANTEREss. "A plan t.
eress from the country, evidently new
hand in the cotton trade, walked into
one of our city banks few days ago,
and, accosting the courteous paying
teller, asked him to tell herif she could
get the money for her bale of cotton
She wanted it, and she must have it.
He said he couldn't tell her that, but
he could tell her that be wasn't paying
for cotton just then She said she
didn't want any foolin' about it; she
had sent her cotton to Augusty and she
wanted the money. The gentleman
knowing that "hell hath no fury like
woman scorned," changed his jocose
tone and asked her to whom she had
consigned 1t. 81 didn't consign it to
nobody" she replied; 81 jist sent it to
Augusty!" ''Well, but to what mer-
chant did you send ita' 81 never sent
it to nobody at all. l jist,Essent to
Augusty." eyes, yes!" said theteller
now getting impatient, as the long
line of check holders was momentarily
increasing, and the woman was Stop
ping his business. eyes, / know you
sent it to Augusta, but to whom did
you ship it?" "Ship it'll I never put
it on any ship at ALL" she Indignantly
replied. 81 jist put it on the cars and
sent it to Augusty, and 1 want my
money for it?" Here some one sug-
gested to her to 60 to the railroad and
she would no DOUBT find her bale of
cotton. 81 49,.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

Spirits of turpentine is sovereign
remedy for Group. Saturate piece of
flannel with it and place it on the
throat and chest and send for your
family physician, If the case be very
urgent, and the child in great distress,
and the distance to the doctors resi-
dence be very great, drop three OOPS of
The turpea,tine on lump of sugar and
give internally. Or a good emetIc of
tincture of blood root, or lobelia, or
both combined, should be given. Ev
cry family should keep bottle o.
spirits of turpentine in the house.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

Arrangements have been made for
placing on board ore of the steamers
running between Liverpool and New
York one Of the 'sAmerican Aquarium
Cars" newly invented continuance for
transporting live fish, which has sue
ceeded very well in long overland jour-
neys,. and by means of which it is hoped
to effect a useful interchange of living
fish. of various kinds between this
country and Europe.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
HOW a MAN TRIED TO MAKE HIS WIFE
SORRY. i ~

Johannes will do very well for the
name of an irritable Teuton out in the
Twenty fifth Ward, who threatened
his worthy frau with suicide on the oe''
casion of every little domestic difficulty.
A day or two ago, to assure her doubt,
ing mind that he actually meant it, he
stalked tragically into room adjoin-
ing that in which ;shei was at work,
leaving the door conveniently open,
however, go that she might witness
the terrible process. He mounted
bed, tied long scarf around his neck,
fastened the ends to the top of the
high, old-fashioned post, and dropped,
supporting himself, however, by dou b.
ling up the right leg on the bed, while
the left dangled nearly to the floor.
Karline continued her work in excell-
ent bumor for while, and then went
ont and INVITED her neighbors to ''Y ust
come in and see my old man kill him
self vonst," and the bedroom was
speedily filed With frauens, and, jung
frauens, who praised the beauty of the
corpse, expressed stheir admiration of
gracefulness Of his attitude, and rem
dered their united verdict that Johannes
had never in bis life before occupied so
becoming position. But the expert
ment soon became exceedingly painful
to him, and his face turned red ;and
nostrils and mouth gasped for breath.
The women thinking then as we'll as
he, that the joke had gone far enough,
united him, and laid him gently on the
bed. He assumed Inconsistencies
until they departed, and then rose with
more common sense notions of mans
duty in life than he ever entertained
before. Gazette.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

The following early use Of the ex-
preston, ''Go to Jericho" has, the
Athen@um believes, never been hitherto
noticed:
"If the Upper House and the Lower
House
Were in ship together,
And all the. base committees, they were
in another,
And both the ships were bottomless,
And saying on the Mayne;
Let them all go to Jericho
And mere be seen againe."
And somebody has had the audacity
to apply these anes to the Congress Of
the United States.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

Seance IN Detroit Free Press Office
''Did you hear DAFT" whispered John
son, as there came rap on the table,
'De speerit of Mr.. Crockett am press
ent. Would you like to spoke to him p
The reporter answered in the affirma
tive, and after little thought he asked
'Is that really You, Dave 7" There
came two raps on the table. and John
son nodded bis head. SIS it true, Mr..
Crockett, that GU used to make one
shirt last you three years?" Awful
silence followed-silence that could
have been cut into chunks with knife
and cut up like hash. Mr.. johnson
rolled his eyes up as if in agony, but
he couldn't fetch rap. Ode speerit
am offended" he whispered: 'spoke
suthin else" '"Mr. Crockett" cons
tinued the reporter, ''haven't you all
ways felt little ashamed oyer that
story of yours about capturing a pan
ther by climbing a tree and splitting
tobacco juice into his eyes," There
was one loud rap, signifying that the
spirit thought the story was all right.
''Mr. Crockett" said the reporter, "are
you aware that there has been a great
change in this world since you left it
Two raps. eyes, "a wonderful change.
There's hundreds of men nowadays who
can tell two lies to your one, and they
don't feel pulled up about it, either.
How about that story of your shaking
eleven bears out of one tree ?" Silence
again. Mr.. Johnston rolled his eyes.
breathed hard, and twisted his face
into all sorts of shapes, but Dawes
spirit wouldn't answer. eyes, Mr..
Crockett" continuedsthe reporter, ''if
you were alive now, and should be
found loafng around Detroit with your
old red shirt and moccasins on, you'd
be hauled up for wag in less'n five
minutes, and the Judge would make it
sixty, sure" Continued silence pre-.
vailed. :.,s III
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
A RARE INSTANCE or GRATITUDE.

In 1850 young man named Osborn,
who had recently arrived at the mines
from the East. penniless and friendless,
was taken sick. He told his condition
to fellow adventurer named Hitchcock
who was little better of, and the latter
promised to 'fsee him through" The
promise was kept, and when, after two
months Of idleness, Osborn arose from
his bed. his friend handed him $3.50 to
bear his expenses to procure tools,
saying to him:
"If ever you get able you can pay
me back, but do not worry yourself
and injure your health in trying to
make the money too quick"
One year and half from that time
Osborn sent Hitchcock $1,250, with the
following note:
"Ill pay interest on friendship"
His labors proved remunerative, and
by 1870 he was worth $3.50, 600. While
in San Francisco he met and recognized
his old friend. When they parted,
after several days companlonship,
Osborn gave Hitchcock sealed pack
age. with the injunctionthat it was not
to be opened until he was on the cars.
There Hitchcock found that it contain,
ed deed for one sixth Of rich silver
mine, with small note containing the
words: "Interest on friendship Hitch
cock has sold his interest for $4,000.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04


ADVICE TO SKATERS "A correspond
ent of the London Times describes q
very simple little continuance which he
recommends every skater to carry with
him as precaution in case of accident.
Having myself been immersed" he
writes, "and knowing, therefore, how
exceedingly difficult it is to get out un-
aided, but what very slight assistance
is sufficient, l can confidently venture
to assert that many fatal accidents might
be prevented if every skater carried in
his pockets piece of stout string or
blind cord about four yards long, and
provided with small cross pieces Of
wood at the end. In the event of any
person falling through the ice, his com
panion, if so provided could lie down
on sound Joe and throw his piece OF
cord to the man in the water. who
might manage by its aid to support
himself until further help arrived
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

In Japan public expenses are being
reduced in various ways. The Mikado
and members Of the imperial family
have renoHfced part of their incomes
Numerous employees have requested a
reduction of their salaries, and even
scholars in the National Academies
have petitioned that the amount allow
ed for their education be- temporarily
reduced. As the Japanese.have great
fancy for taking western ideas they will
eventually get over notions Of this sort.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

ANDREW Johnson DEFINES HIS Poll
cs.-It having been charged, in Or
der to defeat his senatorial aspirations;
that ex-President johnson has sought
in the past to make odious the Confed-
crate soldier; that he has assailed the
democratic party, and that he is no
democrat, the ex-President has replied
as follows, the reply being published in
the Nashville (Tennessee) papers of
Sunday last: .a
"My Whole public acts demonstrate
that exhausted all the power and pre-
negatives Of the Office of President in
behalf of Confederate soldiers, and
went so far that Congress, under the
influence OF an extreme party spirit, re
pealed the amnesty act authorizing the
President to pardon rebels. Then I fell
back to the pardoning power under the
constitution, and under this power, on
the 28th of December, 1868, 1 issued a
proclamation ofgeneral amnesty, releas-
ing and relieving all those who had
fought against the flag. This was ass
sailed by the radical leaders, but the
Supreme Court of the United States has
within the past year, I believe, decided
in my favor. When the impeachment
trial was going on my exercise of the
pardoning power was one of the items
of inquiry by the committee. Now as
to my democracy. I think no one who
can read can be ignorant Of my polite
al views. I think am in line with the
democracy of the nation, and the un-
willing testimony Of my political oppo-
nents has established that I was nomi-
mated as Union Democrat for Vice
President, and I think that my whole
life shows me to be democrat una
dulterated democrat.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A western farmer complains that a
hook and ladder company has been or
ganized in bis neighborhood. He states
that the ladder is used alter night for
climbing into his chicken house, after
which the hooking is done. -:
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A man was seen coming out of a
Texas newspaper office with one eye
gouged out, and his nose spread all
over his face like piece of raw beef,
and one of his ears chawed off. To a
policeman who interviewed him, be
replied: 81 didn't like an article that
'peared in the paper last week, an I
went in ter see the man who writ it.
He war thar, stranger.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

ONLY ONE JoURNEY.-An upright
farmer giving reason for his liberal
measure, said, "God has permitted me
but one journey through the: world,
and when I am gone cannot return to
rectify mistakes" True, the honest
farmer was right, only one journey, and
no return to reetify mistakes. Keep
the eye we'll on the measures, and heap
them up. Men of all classes should
have this thought controlling every
days actions. Deal honestly, love JUS
tice, keep far away. from short weights
and measures. Let the golden law y
love, love to man as well as God, have
the scepter, ard it will put the impress
Of Righteousness on every transaction.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A subscriber to one of our city
dailies expressed his financial inability
to continne his subscription. by saying
that if salt were selling at twenty-five
cents a barrel he:t couldn't pay for
enough to pickle a-jay-bird.'
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A school in Vermont is presided
over by cross eyed teacher. A few
days ago he called out: "That boy
that am looking at will step cut on
the floor" Immediately twenty-seven
lads walked out in front of. the. aston
ished pedagogues.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

Fence posts and stakes, hop poles
and bean poles, if thoroughly seasoned
before they are set in the ground, will
last more than twice as long as if set
while the timber is green.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

"IfI bust out lafing you must
not get mad, mister" was the reason
able request preferred BY illiams.
port bride to the officiatis1 y asaey.
man. s''i'ssaiiis eiefzs
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
ABERNETEY.

In Abernethy we come to one of
those rough, eccentric physicians, of
whose kindness innumerable he had
warm heart under rough exterior.
Thoughhe could be absolutely brutal to
fine ladies and affected misses, he is said
to have been an amiable man, beloved. of
his family and friends. But to tiresome
patients and malades imaginaires he
was at times the personation of rude
ness: 'Sir. that's enough; go home and
read my book" To lady who com-
planned of low spirits he would say,
''Don't come to me; go and buy a
skipping rope" sometimes, however,
he met his match 'Cnrran one day
came to consult him, and was rather
diffuse in describing his symptoms.
"Sir," said Abernethy, "you had
betteftell ME your whole life." Upon
which Curran sat down, and seriously
began: Il was born in the year,
in the county Of, Ireland" and
Abernethy burst into a laugh, and
entered properly into the case. A lady,
determined to be brief, and to humor
the tyrant, one day entered his consult
ing room, and, thrusting out DIN injured
hand, merely said: "My thumb, sir.
"You, madam" he exclaimed in admit
ration, care the only sensible woman I
ever had for patient"
A gentleman, equally determined,
being roughly interrupted, locked the
door, put the key in his pocket, and
insisted on being heard. Abernethy
smiled, and complimented the patient
on his resolution. To a gentleman
who gave him twenty pounds to
reattend his wife, he said: "Are you
the fool who gave me twenty pounds
the other day. Go home and tell your
wife 70 dine earlier and eat less; and do
you keep your money in your pocket,
for no doctors advice is worth twenty
pounds" To lady, he said severely:
$50 home and tell your husband he
will not have wife this day six
months" -
Abernethy was no respector of per-
sons. Poor or rich, his patients had to
submissively take their turns, Or
they might 60 elsewhere. An angry
nobleman once broke into his room,
and stated his rank and titles in full,
and asked Abernethy if he knew who
he was. To this Aberneth replied:
'sAnd /, sir, am John Abernethy.
Surgeon-lecturer Of St. Bartholomew
Hospital, &c; and if you wish to con-
suit me, am now ready to hear what
You have to say, in return, sir" The
Duke of Wellington, angry at having
to wait his turn, abruptly entered his
room. Abernethy asked him how he
had entered. "By the door, sir" Then
said the irascible doctor, 81 recon
mend you to make your exit the same
way" He is also said to have refused
to attend George4IV. till his lecture at
the hospital was over. The point on
which Abernethy most insisted was the
stomach, and through that important
organ he declared all diseases could be
cured.'s The celebrated biscuit which
he used to eat and recommend were
not SO called from him, but from the
baker who first invented them. That
there was kindness in Abernethy who
can deny, who Remembers the story of
how he returned all his fees to poor
widow who had consulted him, and
added fifty pounds to enable her to
to : give her sick child a daily
ride? He had a horror of operations,
and rejoiced when the evil could be
averted without such rough and terrible
remedies.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

A schoolmaster thus describes
money-lender she serves you in the
present tense, he lends in the cons
ditional mood, keeps you in the subs
jective, and ruins you in the future
tense |" - - - .--sss
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

On last Saturday evening q citizen
of this town went home about ten and
a half o'clock, and gently tapped at the
door. "Who's there ?" was the ques~
ton propounded by his better half in
slde.ls' To which very proper inquiry
the heartless husband replied by asking
"Whom would You be expecting at
this hour of night"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

ssYou look as if You were beside
YOURSELF said a wag 10 fellow who
stood BY the side of an ass
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

The dogs killed one hundred and
sixty-two thousand dollars worth of
sheep, in Ohio last y Ear.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

"Hash is the substance of things
hoped for; the evidence of things not
SEEM" !: ~ ttq !, r.,
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

Why is the Republican party like
the earth? Because it has been fiat
tened al the polls.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

"Guilty Of assault with intent TO
frichten,' is late Utah verdict.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

I should call landlords poor re-
]ations his tenants.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
2netifal.
70 A YOUNG PHYSICIAN:

TO A YOUNG PHYSICIAN;
49,. :;
By JOHN @. WHITTIER.
The paths Of pain are thine. Go forth.
With healing and with hope;
The suffering of sin-sick earth
Shall give thee ample scope. ..r
smite down the dragons fell and strong,
Whose breath is fever fire
No knight of table or Of song
Encountered foes more dire,
The hottest task by heaven decreed,
An errand all divine,
The burden of our mortal need
To render less is thine,
No crusade thine for cross or grave,
But for the living man.. =. =
60 forth to sucoor and to save
IAN that thy skilled hands can.
Before the unveiled mysteries
OF life and death, go stand la
With guarded lips and reverent eyes
And pure of hsart and hand.
So shalt thou be with power endued
From Him who went about
The Syrian hill-paths, doing good
And casting devils out.
That holy Helper liveth yet,
Thy friend and guide to be;
The Healer by Gennesaret
Shall walk the rounds with thee!
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04
Engaged for every set-A hen.

1t is enough for one thing at a time
to happen, especially twins.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

KEFERENCES- BY PERMISSION:
4. b Trick, President and C. g. Strayer, Cashier,
First National Bank OF Hsrrisonburg Virginia.
M. Ha rvey Effnger, Cashier of the First National
Bank, Staunton, Virginia. -
Col. Board, Cashier First National Bank, Szlem Va
Major D. A. Jones' Abingdon, Virginia.
hen. J. F. Lewis. United States Senate
Hon. John Harris, U. 8. HOUSES OF Representatives.
Gen G. s. Meena. President virginiaState Senate
Lewis ychnson 4 Co, Bankers, Washington. D. G.
s mar. 26-1yr.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-02-04

LOB PRINTING ofali kinds at tho lav
n essprices, neatly this ONCE