The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-12-14
Things in General.

A good hotel at night is like railroad
bed-full of fsleepers.
Two heads are better than one, from
hatter's point of view.
In the journey Of this world the man
who goes right is not apt to ge. left.
Seeing is not believing. There are
many men whom you can zee and yet
cannot believe.
Josh Billings says "Yu cant change
a date by cussing, after an edition has
been worked off,"
Why is pretty young woman like
corn in a time of scarcity? Because
she ought to be husbanded.
You will notice that when boy steps
on Canada thistle, or sticks splinter
into his foot, its invariably few seconds
before school
Columbus discovered America. but
when boy he had as much difficulty in
seeing an empty wood-box or water.pail
as any other boy
The Dominican Fathers have formed
an anti-profanity society in the Eastern
District. 1t is recommended to disap
pointed politicians.
The Indians continue to alternate in
the far west, between minor massacres
and pipe.smoking conventions. Their
pipes of peace arc mere shams.
A young man slipped into a book.
store, and said he wanted to get Young
Mans Companion. "Well, sir" said The
book seller ; "here's my daughter"
A noble Omaha mastiff has saved the
lives of three children within the month
past, and bitten fourteen men who called
to sell patent clothes.bar.
Couuterieiting money is getting to be
one oil our most important industries, In
Brooklyn recently ten million dollars in
counterfeit greenba1ks were burned
An unusual number of people are mar
rying now. Next year is leap. year, and
no woman wants il presumed that she
popped the question herself
For president-the best man in the
republican party Waliamspot Bulletin.
We appreciate the compliment but we
don't want the ce.-Noyristocn Her.
aid.
Mrs. Partngton wants to know why
the captain Of a vessel can't keep mem
orandum of the weight of his anchor, in
stead Of weighing it every time it leaves
port.
The look man gives his wife when he
suddenly awakes in the morning and finds
her going through his vest pockets, is not
a studied expression, but it is excellent ia
its way.
A weak female berates man for et-
ting her stand up in horse car, and she
will then dance from ten o'clock till two.
This shows that dancing is better than
standing up.
A landlord once accosted a tenant
as follows John am going to raise
your rent al am much obliged to
you" was the reply, "for l am utterly
unable to raise it myself"
|
"A wife will hardly ever notice
whether her husband has had his hair cut
or not, but let him 90 home with strange
hairpin sticking in his overcoat and she'll
see it before he reaches the gate.
'' Was the crowd tumultuous 7" inqulr-
ed one man of another who had Just come
from mass.meeting, Too multuous,'
replied the other "Oh, no, Just about
multuous enough to comfortably fill the
hall"
The woman suffragists of New Haven
are wrestling with the question. "Who
is the superhuous woman ?" OF course we
can't tell, but we know a number of fam.
lily men in town, each Of whom thinks he
has married her.
A girl in Berks county, Pennsylvania
only twelve years old, rises daily at four
a. M, milks thirteen cows, and prepares
a breakfast for the family Her hair
isn't "banged," and she doesn't wear a
one.legged dress.
A shoemaker being at work, his awl
broke, whereupon the shoe maker cursed
his useless instrument. His wife thea
reminded him that he was breaking at
express command of scripture, which
saws "swear mol at awl.
A little boy in q Scotch school was
asked if he did not wish to be born again.
" Born again ~ said Tommy; "no, |
wadna." "You wouldn't % cried the
teacher sadly; why not ?" "For fear Ia
be born lassie," said Tommy.
An African prince once offered Du.
Chaillu his choice of a wife among $50
girls. To prevent jealousy he took them
all. AS he could not hire apartments for
such crowd. he was obliged to camp
out with them, and be says il surpassed
any strawberry festival he ever attended
J Long working agencies A thousand
years ago little star sent forth ray OF
; light. Last night it reached the earth,
> and gladdencd a million of hearts So
the true teacher-the philanthropist may
to-day start ray Of light, that will flood
the minds Of millions in years to come.
Yea. create positive influence that will
extend TO the end Of time.
Frederick Walker and Pete Koher, of
,, Guttenburg N. j., thought they would
have little joke recently, so they
-. dressed up straw an in old clothes,
got up sham fight, fred several shots
at the efiigy, and as it tumbled over, ran
away. What was funnier still The
neighbors, fully aroused, pursued tie
,, Supposed murderers, firing their revolver,
at them, and Kohler vas wounded in the
leg As the shot did not take effect 10
his head he still thinks it was pretty
fair joke.
D The records at the tax office, New