Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-08-27
Uncle Ton, Replies to Uncle Joe.

EDITOR BuLLETIN:- Ever since Uncle
Jocs Granger cow kicked him over onto
his head, he has shown that his brain was
affected by the evolution He has been
mooney and at times almost thrown off
his bias. Let me entreat him to take the
best of care of his injured head, or it will
not last him through, for damaged head
is much better than no head at all When
! was little boy, out in Vermont, there
was man we called "Mother Bill Carrie
tom who was kicked by one of his sheep
In playful Woodland after years of suf
fering, he was at last relieved by the am
putation of his leg above his knee. Be
warned, my dear Uncle Joe, by the fate
of "Mother Bill" for if you are compelled
to submit to the amputation of your head,
it will seriously curtail the range Of your
cnjoymentS, and put it out of your power
to reciprocate the amenities of social life.
BY all means save your old head. But
Uncle Joe went TO meeting one evening,
at least Let us be thankful for that.
Let him continue to come, and though, as
before, he comcs-like all the world-to
criticlse, vet if he will continue to come
we will do him good, or, failing with him,
we will win over Roda Maria or the twins,
for it will go hard. but we will get our
toll out of his grist if he will only come
within reach
He roughly crticises our fearless broth
err, Jason Turner, because, in the glowing
heat of his own eloquence, he was warm
ed into shouting that he longcd to leave
this orld of sorrow and go to heaven,
but before morning showed his desire to
cleave to this world by sending for ply
siclan to relieve him from tape worms,
This point is not we'll taken, for the clear
est prerogativc a man possesses is the
right to change his mind. Now, it seems
that Brother Jason's case was--simply
changing his mind. In that meeting, sur
rounded by admiring and sympathetic
brothers and sisters, he desired to leave
this poor world and go up at once, and he
said So He made the profler and if his
protler had been accepted, we have no
reason to think he would have backed
out, for he would have gone up in a char
lot of fire. the sisters clapping their hands,
the brethren shouting hallelujah-ihe
whole forming one grand scene of glorti-
cation, Of which Brother Jason, himself,
would be the hero.
But his proiicr was not accepted the
Lord did not accept his offer, and so
Brother Jason withdrew it and made 9th
cr arrangements. The scene changes.
At home, in his little seven by nine domi-
ell, in the still and dark hours of the
night, with nobody for witnesses but lis
own wife and children, he was chokcd by
a contemplate tape worm-was it his du.
ty to yield to such an enemy? Ali. ii
would have been an ignominious death to
die, to step out in the darkness smother
ed by the hand of Il tape worm, with no
chariot, no shouting, no glory, nothing
but the sobs of his weeping family. lie
desires II more notable death than that
more respectable and honorable death,
and the world may rest assured that
Brother Jason will never disgrace himself
by dying in any such pusillanimous man
ner.
Does Uncle Joe think it wrong to so to
our social meetings and talk different from
what we feel? We are compelled to do
that, or we could never get up revival,
nor even have good time. Mr.. Beecher
says he is put up in watertight compart-
uleLtS. NO arc We an, III Jul w soiSS' wv
are one thing when eXhorting sinner III
meeting, and another thing when selling
him horse outside. except Uncle Joe
from the list, but some men, l know, II
they were to tell their real feelings IN
meeting, instead of being so loving and
unctious, would say: Brethren, these
meetings are Il bore. Here have work
ed all day, threshing with the mules on
the farm, and we were too tired to come
out, but come we must, and ! haven't YET
been able to pay my note toward the new
church, and the minister's tax is Il burden,
and what with the meat and butter and
potatoes the minister and brethren devour
| for me, and the oats and corn their horses
eat up, am well nigh brought to desper
alton if not to starvation" How soon
would such plain talk build up visible
church? l tell you, Uncle Joe, we mus
use policy. UNCLE Tom