The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-12-18
"This IL q Horse."
II Twas a rcd-headed man,
My fate should ever bewail;
NV will I would make, some pizcn Ia take,
And the papers my death would detail.

| ana Ine papers my ucttu WOuio NC
| M. Quad.
| Our moral fclosior-the grand Dukc"-says
in the journey OF this world the man who goes
right is apt to get left.
Wanted, to know who first discovered those
big footed bellies OF the west side
| We think it Doc. l."
Last weeck the weather wept over the sad
spectacle OF Democratic House. This week 1t
has come to the conclusion that the House don't
care much for water, and has quit.
| 1t is said that though apples are scarce on
ions are plenty. We suppose, however, young
man going to see his girl would sooner have one
apple than whole bushel of onions Curious,
amt it?
| The coming man " Is the man who owes you,
says some practical theorist. The only objection
to such q parsonage is that he's always coming
and never gets there. Progress" is fs'Orite
word, however, but VIC always thought there was
good deal fraud ia it,
| A miss OF ten or eleven, on her way to school
yesterday morning, was heard saying TO herself;
"a noun is the name of any person, place or
thing, and If / can find the girl who mugged
that apple from my desk she'll find big noun"
on her head that didn't grow there. "You hear
me"
One OF the saddcst and most touching stories
we ever heard was told us the other evening" Of
poor youth who had his legs aud arms blown
| off by an exploding cannon and afterwards he
made baskets to support his widowed mother
and himself! This is truly lovely example for
the rising generation. There is, too, fine chance
for the Imagination to figure out" how he
does it.
| When sweet little child skips up carelessly
and rests its candy smeared fingers on your light
eassimercs, it is well enough for you to remem
Der that " OF such is the kingdom of heaven"
It's Leckct this tme-happy "parient "-"l lit
tie cherub"-l5 lbs.-hoop-la!-"ye hot
Nothing slow bout US. When the little cuss APP
peared one of the neighbours cherubs came in
and asked, A." How was God when you left?'
We defy any Christian to pick up red hot
stove lid without his moral character taking a
complete somcrsault.
The head quarters of literature just now are
at the drug stores. The average boy will deyour
hald dozen almanacs per day.
You've seen Bowman's photo OF Necley's Hen
ry Clay"s No! Your existence for the past two
weeks has been miserable failure them it re-
moves the dIlspidated linen from the shrusbery,
etc.
And now the land groancth with good things
-mnce pics, fresh snashengers," "hot Scotch"
billed oysters and "sich." Yum, yum.
1t must have been Bill Shakespeare who said
"a lion among ladies is a dreadful thing" Reck-
on II Is, but mouse beats all for fun " and
chair smashing. We've seen women who could
jump 10 feet with ease and light on al Office
stool when mouse was in the room.
"A penny for the thoughts" OF a hair REUTER-
when he looks upon the Sowing locks Of a bald.
headed man
1t must have been an iron man who said it was
the ambition of ladies to appear on the street
dressed In manner that will not attract attcn-
ton, or cause any one to turn and gaze at them"
II smell irony anyhow
You see how 1t is, people will think; hence the
woman who doesn't want it presumed that she
popped the question must get married within
two weeks or wait another whole year.
Is il wicked to throw dice for turkeys on
Christmass We'd like 10 know about this thing.
It's leading question aud concerns the whole
western country. In the meantime, till the
question Is settled, "let the rattle 20 on"