The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-01-23
VARIETY.

any thing boast Of but his illusrious ancestors
is like potato plant-the only good belonging
to him is under ground
MRcIFUL.-Heaven. in its merciful providence,
gRye no beard TO women, because il knew they
could not hold their tongues long enough to be
shaved.
HER NOTIOS.-A little girl who was watching
the balloon ascension at Lewiston, Me-, suddenly
exclaimed. '1 Mama, L shouldn't think God
would like to have that man go up to Heaven
alive"
BErTER-A man had better have milestone
tied to his neck and be cast into the sea than to
promise to marry Texas girl and then refuse.
The whole country turns out to hunt him, and he
is generally left to grow up with the trees.
HIS EMPLOYMENT" What you been a doin'?'
asked boy of his playmate whom he saw coming
out Of the house with tears in his eyes. I've
been ehGsin' birch rod round my father," was
the snarling reply.
IMPOssIBLE.-An experienced teacher says that
it is impossible for q sunday school scholar with
boil to satisfactorily fasten his mind down even
upon the siIaplest exposition of the scheme of sal
ratiOn-
Corruption in Prussia also General MoIke's
accounts recently found to be wrong, He
had drawn during the war one wig and one pa
per Of smoking tobacco for which he had never
accounted to the proper authorities. Demand
for remuneration has been made.
A member of Parliament ut a London dinner
party was selected to say grace. He ended
is Oh, Lord, make truly thankful, and what
dO you think Of the improvements along the
Thames 2' the question being put in the same
breath to an Ambassador who sat on his right
LIKE THE THIRD-TERM.-a Do you know why
Won are like the third term?'' said Susan Jane to
her brother, who fingered TO talk with her Adolf
phus after the old folks had retired. - No, /
don't'' Well replied his saccharine sister,
"It's because you are one too many"
The eccentric John Randolph of Roanoke, Va,
found female friend busy, with semest-esses,
making up garments. s. What work have you in
send the poor Greeks" Seeing some Of her ser
Qants III need of Just such clothing, he exclaimed
- Madam, madam, The Greeks are at your door"
SEaRP REPLY.-While t. ID. Jones was in Co
iumbus, modelling his bust Of Chase, young
man OF the sparkler order Of architects ap-
preached him one night at a social gathering with
the following inquiry: q Er-er-say! er-er 30
You re the man-er-that makes mud heads, amt
You P'' " Yes" said old Tom, blandly; "dO you
want a new One?'
From Mr.. Colman's book on Utah. was as
tonished to hear pologamy advocated by ladies Of
education and refinement, among them school
teacher who strongly favored it, perhaps because
she was no longer young, At a hotel where was
staying met a young married lady of one Of the
first families of Salt lake. Two OF her intimate
friends were with her. One day. when they were
out Of she room, she asked me, IS What do yeu
think Of A-2' " She is a charming girl,
replied. H Indeed she is, exclaimed Mrs. B.
a. do wish B Cher husband) would marry
her; Ishouh like to have her with me all the
time"
81 Disease Is very various" said Mrs. Parting
ton- as she returned from the street-door in con-
versatiOn with DIR. BOlus. "Ihe doctor tells me
that poOr old Mrs. Hare has got two buckles on
her langs!- IL Is dreadful to think Of, declare
The disease Is so various. One day we hear OF
neopIe's diving Of hemitage Of the lungs! another
Aay of the brown creatures; here they tell us OF
the elementary canal beiug out OF order, and
there about tOnsors Of the throat here we hear
OF neurology in the head, there Of embargo on
one side OF us we hear Of men being killed by
GETTING a mound Of tough beef in the sarcophagus,
and another kills himself by discovering his joe
Mar vein Things change that L declare
don't know how to subscribe for any disease now
a-days. New names and new nostrils take the
place of the old, and might az well throw my
Old berb-bag away" Fifteen minutes afterward
Isaac had the herb-bag for q target, and broke
three squares of glass in the cellar window IN
irving to hit it before the old lady knew what he
was about She didn't mean exactly what she
said.
A Western paper contains this little genre
picture He was watching the movements of a
strIped. frisky-tail chipmunk that washed Its
little face in the laughing waters OF mountain
brook, and thinking how happy was that little
fellow away of there in the everlasting silence
Perry is not a large man. but is handsome he
looked at his face reflected IN the waters and
wished he was young as he used to be-" He
moaned the fact that gray hairs had silEered his
head and thOughtlully ran over the days OF
bapny youth. With prayer fo- his descendants,
and their DESCENDANTS, he turned from the water
brook to find himself in the presence of bear.
Few words were spoken both meant business:
The bear reared up laughing, and Perry reared
down praying. The situation was peculiar-Per-
~ aid very peculiar. At it they went-the bear
above. Perry below each felt the other '' foe
nan worthy Of his steel" In the midst Of the
conaict the bear became aFectiouate and embraced
Perry. Perry said twas a. " iona embrace, g. ana mo
much familiarity bred contempt, and Perry inti-
mated with big knife that his preference was
that the bear should not hug him just then:
The bear weighed $50 pounds and Perry got
eleven gallons Of oil from three-quarters OF him