The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1875-04-22
A Calumny Retracted.

paper describes the belle of the masquerade ba
in the following astonishing language.
''The most stunning, gorgeous, heightened
fastest-classest, incest, OF any other adjectiv
for costume i'll the ssoutft,'' was that worn b
Miss frankie Clark. She was the hifalutenes
gayest, and the galusest dressed gal in tn
!: room. She appeared in the room as page
and she was page that any man would leav
another to read. Both in costume and actio
she was as perfect as big sunfower."
A couple of days after the appearance of tn
notice, into the editorial room of the pape
stalked a young man. His brow was wrappe
in thunder, his body in a suit of tweed, and hi
hand claspeda big lump of hickory. He pull
ed a paper out OF his pocket, and pointing witt
his finger to the paragraph, said: II want t.
see the man that wrote that ere" 81 am tin
individual, replied the person. ''What did yel
go and do it for, that's what want to know p
sob, because thought you would like to SEE
your girl made out one of the most bewitching
females that was ever set on earth to keep q
man from his hash and drive balmy sleep from
his pillow sNow, look here. Ever since
that was published can't get word out'n her.
She sets in front of the lookin' glass and keeps
a gain on herself and maxim squint eyes at
her dress, and puckerin' up her mouth, and
aktin' as if she was blasted sight better'n any
body else. want this thing fixed OF there'll
be an editor's situation vacant" He looked
significantly at the club.
For moment the reporter stood in profound
thought; then his face frightened, and he said:
s'1'll fix it in next weeks paper. After you
have seen the next issue, call and tell me the
result. The young man left. In the next
weeks paper appeared the following notice
n Correction.-We made a grave mistake in
our issue OF last week. In our description of
the masquerade bali, we accidentally substitl,-
ted the name Of Miss frankie Clarke for that OF
Miss George Waller. Any one who is acuuain-
ted with the first named lady must have discov-
cred the error 1t is true she appeared for what
was intended as page, but she looked more
like bootblack in hard luck. She is not good
looking, her actions were absurd, and every
man kept as far from her as possible. She
thinks of moving out Of this community, as it
is unappreciative. When she goes she will be
escorted out Of the town by brass band. The
people of Austin will gladly miss her from
amcng them.
Tho next d;y the young man entered the Of
fee. In his hand lie bore a rifle and his belt
"sse " I'LL Wy SlA-SllOOGcT Iu 4
tremendous bowie knife. lie sailed up to the
reporter. 81 look war-like, don't II don't
feel bit like fghtin', you bet. You just
oughter have seen her when she read that cor
rection, Why, she ies danced a jig with mad
isess, and she sot down and cried. and then she
come up and threw her arms around my neck
and said. sArthllr sfa " e11 never
expect me to speak to you again if you don't
go and kill the Teller that rt that SANDER In
course promised and here am to kill you.
He laughed long and heartily. After time he
Quoted down, and the reporter said: suppose,
in order to make it all right between you and
your girl, I've got to become a corpse. I'll do
it. Sit there minute and I'll fix the business"
He sat down at a desk and scribed away for a
few minutes, and then returned with a sheet of
paper OH which was written:
Obituary.-It grieves us to be compelled to
announce the sudden death of Mr.. Chas. Keller,
the young and talented fashion editor. Ia a
moment OF mental alteration he had slandercd
an estimable, accomplished and beautiful young
lady of this city, named Miss Fannie Clarke
Yesterday her hetrothed called at this Office
and asked for the author of the SANDER, and
when he discovered him, shot him dead on the
spot. This paper will be unable to give fash
ion gossip hereafter. We find it impossible to
fill the place left vacant by Mr.. Keller
Though erratic, he was man Of kindly heart,
and could listen more attentyely to stale sto-
ries and drink more bad whisky than any man
in austin.
'''rhat's your sort,'' said the Infatuated lover,
'sThat's the thing to a I. Come along, Mr.,
Corpse, and hist a little lightning" The lady
was satisfied when the paragraph appeared in
the next issue of the paper her lover was re-
csrdel as a hero, and the Austin paper ceased
to give reports Of fashionable balls.