The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-07-02
WHAT THE WITS SAY.


book is full of Billy T. on every page
Danbury Nesos.
Olive Logan votes the Republican ticket
through "her man" Skies. $3.50 Rochester
Democrat. Her man Skies is her husband.
Last Monday was Brigham Youug's
birthday land his last words were, as he
rolled wearily on his pillow, "This has
ceased to be amusing. g.'-Rochester Demo-
crat.
What, hydrophobia? Alreadye Where
are those sheet-iron pantaloons9 Quick
-Intsr- Ocean. Sheet-iron pantaloons? A
pair OF candle. molds would do you.-Nil-
aoGukee Sentinel.
| How's this? Gen. Sherman in his Mem
oirs, doesen't devote a siEgle line to any one
OF the thirteen "Colonels'' who edit Phila-
| delphia newspapers. His books fraud
| Noyr6stoDn Herald.
An eminent Frenchman, in a recent elab-
crate work, says the nose should govern
the style of dress. This theory would
| necessitate the wearing of a gleat MANY
red coats and vests in Longsport. -PAaros.
In couple of months Sheridan will be
astonished to hear" You may be Lieuten-
ant General Of the United States, Philip !;
but that dosn't signify that you can run
this establishment. ."-Rochester Democrat.
The only season of the year in which this
office INDUCES in chromos is now approach
ing. TO every boy who blows off a finger
or puts a bullet into relative or neigh
boris leg, on the Fourth, will be given IL tile
chrome entitled "The Delights of Peace"
Now is the time to get up clubs.-Dah5ury
Meas.
The Missouri papers treated Governor
Hardin's day of fasting and prayer with
ridlcule. Thousands of people in that State
went ON prolonged sprees on the OCCASION,
and festivities abounded. The scriptures
tell us that the judgement day will come
when the wicked are eating, drinking and
blaspheming. -Courier-Journal.
Recently while lady was looking at
some baby wagons in front of Woodward
avenue store, a boy stepped up and in
quired:
"Want to buy buggy, num-"
"Why, yes, thought of il" she replied.
Better wait a day or two, " he continued,
in serious tone; "my little brothers.
powerful sick, and if he dies we'll sell his
baby-cart at half what it cost v--Detrost
Free Press.
Phil Sheridan will find out that being
married isn't just what it is cracked up to
be. He will have to go home nights,
clean his teeth, eat cloves after irrigating,
walk out to the cemetery on Sundays, at
tend church, give tea parties, ask the bless
ing before eating, take off his boots and |
wear night gown before going to bed, lug
home four pounds of beefsteak every night,
and lots of things besides. Milwaukee
Meas.
They kept sending men out into Montana
to erect telegraph poles, but when one left
civilization nothing was ever heard of him
again. Finally they sent out regiment of
soldiers who found the man dead and nice
y laid out ON side hill with an old man
standing near them, swinging horse pistol
md yelling "You can't put them poles
Up in this country, strangers r' and they
1ung him up to a mountain ash.-Missours
Republican,.
A Boston paper says: 'It is not likely
o be any saving of expense to run horse
ars by clock-work. The work may be
lone by the hour, but in clock-work it
axes two hands to run the timetable.
Ne simply make minute of the fact but
will not dial-ate." Who cares The whole
hing win be run ON tick-Cincsanati Star.
We are happy to state that the above joke
not hours.-Detro6t Neaos. No; it is
Ike all the rest of your jokes; taken at
ecOnd hand.-Ipter- Ocean.
A man in Mississippi, supposed to be
cad, was put in coffin and trundled to ,
be graveyard. Then he made himself
manifest by bursting the lid off the coffin. .
he grave diggers weren't scared they are
sed to such occurrences. They looked ;
aimly down upon his pallid face and asked ,
there he was from? The poor fellow ,
asped, Chicago" whereupon they wisely !
crewed down the coffin-lid again, and
uried him.-Mizoaukee Seutinez.
Spotted Tail says that when he first {
card of Jesus Christ he could not see how {
ne white man could have killed him, but !;
nat when he came to know what rasca, t
le white man is, especially in his treat
lent of the Indians, it no longer seemed {
range that he should have killed even the :
ON of the Great Spirit. There is plain, ]
levelness about the head of | :
potted Tail that ought to enkindle in the t
osom of his venerable mother-in-law an q
notion of something very nearly akin to a
ride.--Courier-J Journal II
A widow missed the train, Yesterday.
nd after tearing around the Central de- 4
ot for while she sat down on bench Q
lied her three children around her and 3
allied: q
"Oh, why did / leave York State and S
me to such a country % t
To git man!' promptly replied her t
n William, a lad of ten. 81 heard Mr.. b
liner say that's what you was coming G
RI II
She seized him and sat him down on the
inch with such force that his hat was
rred down over his eyes.-Detroit Free
rsss.
a thoughtless young man from Massa-
usetts went out into Pottawattamie coun- c
not long ago to start a paper, and in b
der to tickle the fancy of the inhabitants, v
whose temper he was ignorant, he pub es
he'd the following in the first issue: ssThe a,
hitting editor is at home at all hours OF b
9 day and night, ready, willing and b
xions to receive all visitors who have ii