The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-03-27
CREAM or OUR EXCHANGES.

The New Haven Register relates that an actor
at one Of the theatres was called out three times
in one evening, not long ago-twicc by The
sheriff and once by tailor.
Boston vaunts its intellectual superiority in
that conductor Of one Of its horsc'cars is a
graduate Of a frst.class college, but he is nc
more accurate in counting the whalebones in a
lady's corset when lifting her into the car with
his knuckcs than some conductors on the same
line who spell Jerusalem with a little g
When Cincinnati Young man says to his
souls idol; Don't kiss Inc any more, now, Sal
Pun tired she knows he has just been shaved by
one of those pretty female BARRIERS.
The scafaring men Of Newfoundland call pas
tors the shippers of churches.
A Fishkill man received u telegram from a
Chicago hotel keeper, few days ago, notifying
him Of the death Of his wife at the hotel The
Fishkill man promptly replied: Send the body.
Let 1t come through in style, I'll make it right
VITA you The remains came in respectable
order-and G. o. ID. The hotel keeper was a man
Of the world.-Danbury Nan.
Watcrtown widower, who recently buried
his second wife, finds oil his lady friends oppos-
ed to a third tcrm.-ROn,e Sentinel.
A gentleman wanted to send four pounds OF
Guilford clans TO Omaha, through the post Office
reccntly.-Noy1cich Bulletin.
The weather Is thawing ont the water pipes,
and the mllkmen to make their rounds regular
ly, once more.-.KRtMakte Sent
Amos Clark, OF Tennessee, upon his death bed
expressed wish that twelve hddlcrs should
stand around his grave and play odd Dog Tray
The Widow Clark saw 1t done
4 business crisis Is reported in Little Falls
\ man recently passed counterfeit $40 bill
there, got nearly all the money in town in change
and departed for parts unknown.-Ro,ae Sent.
What changes few years bring about, don't
thcyg Yesterday the citizens of Arbor Hill were
aware of woman mady tearing along, potato
mashcr in hand, giving chase 10 her husband
who was flying from her presence like deer
Eight years ago the same female took medal al
an eastern seminary for graduating essay on
'Rcposc Of Character
How doth the little busy pig improve eacl
shining hour, and gather sausages all day from
every opening flower And when the shades of
twilight fall he siumbcrs in his styc, or sings
his pretty evening hymn, Root little pig, or die !
nc supplies the whole town with cigars.-Ey.
Well, who couldn't do that, if he lived in q
small country village, like PEORIA
A western editor noticing the present Of 4 sil
Yer cup to brother editor says: lie needs ma
cup; he can drink from any vessel that contains
liquor, whether the neck Of bottle, the mouth
u pickle Jar, the spilc Of keg, or the hung
Of q barrel
Emily Soldeuc has been playing at Buffalo
and the Erprs says: Congress has passed
bill for the improvement Of the mouth of Ia,
Mississippi Now, why doesn't Miss Emily sid
ne apply TO Congress for relief in this rcspcc
also"
Several passengers on the lower Alissfs.pp
were attracted by the alligators basLine in tn,
sunshine. Are they amphibious, captain
asked lookcr-Cn. .hmphbous, thundern an
swercd the enthusiastic officer, they'll eat no.
q minute'
Milwaukee girls, when they invite a ycun.
man TO cali around don't saw We've got a lam
that turns down low but merely say, we hurr
Milwaukee gas.
One Of our exchanges came 10 hand last weel
accompanied by postal card, explaining that I
vas one day late, owing TO the editor havin.
mislaid the shears.
4 cOnntrymen who came 10 the city, yestcrla
morning, visited the No. engine house aud se
bis watch By the steam guagc of The ensin,
which measured twenty pounds OF stcam-Ca
ciaDdii Saturday Night.
when Adam was detected in the act Of throv
ing away the core Of that celebrated Michiga
Gillihower,' says the Denver Tri6aEe.
Winter fingers longer in the lap Of spring tina
Susan b. Anthony did in the lap 81 Theodoi
TIltoa.
Married recently, Mr., S. Wells TO Miss NJ Hal
ItDight here be said that 'sirs web that END
SELL