Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-05-15
THE MAN WHO SWORE OFF.

He had been in the habit of taking three
or four "nips" per day for the last fifteen
years, but on New Years morning he
arose and said to his wife:
"Mary Jane Sinner, here I've been
squandering at least halfa dollar per week
for more than dozen years !"
"But l thought you said a glass now
and then, helped your Digestion" she
said.
"All fudge and nonsense" he contin-
ued. That was only an excuse to satisfy
my own conscience.
"And heard you say it made you sleep
better-helped you to have Il clear head"
she replied,
"Nonsense-worst kind of bosh! I've
drank up $500 in the last dozen years and
it hasn't benefited me one cent"
"Well /"
"Well, I'm going to quit. I'm going
to commence rightnow. No more drinks
for Sinner after this"
GOOD boy-noble husband" she said,
patting him on the chin; now you begin
to talk like a Roman-now you are going
TO test your stamina !"
Sinner felt pulled up with pride for an
hour or two and then began to feel gone
ness along down his throat. He drank
water, cold coffee and milk and got thro'
with the day y; although when he went to
bed he dreamed he was II flask Of brandy
and that II member of Congress was car
rying him in his coat tail pocket. At the
hour midnight he awolle with his thumb
in his mouth, just on the point of taking
ten cent drink and nj daylight he asked
his vile whether it was the year 1873, or
1876.
That forenoon whlo he was sitting in
his office n meell-lool,ing stranger entered
and taking paper from his pocket, said
he was soliciting aid for The Kansas grass
hopper sufferers.
Grasshoppors be hangod!" exclaimed
Sinner "The next fraud who comes in
here will get his necl, broke !"
His chief clerk spoke to him about or
dering some goods, and he whirled round
and said hewouldn' order another dollars
worth of goods in ten years. A youag
man called to secure n place, and Sinner
threw the coal stove shaker, aud hit him
on the ear.
When he went to dinner he nattered
himself II little that he had curbed his in
clination to drink and his wife pattod him
on the shoulder and whispered
"SamGol, you have got moro stamina
than the Car of Russia"
Going down town he entered saloon,
and asked the saloon keeper it he honest
| ly thought that moderate amount of
| brandy would affect the health. The sa-
loon keeper was sure it wouldn't. The
bottles looked good to Sinner, and there
was Il pleasant smell rs he leaned over the
bar.
When he reached his Office he kicked n
chair over, hoisted the spttoon across the
room, and sat down, and dated letter
1877. A lady called to have him subscribe
something to n now Sunday school, when
he bristed up and yelled
No, sir, not a cent Sunday schools
are killing the business interests of this
country !"
Alter about an hour he went out, and
asked a doctor if three drinks of gin per
day would hurt any one. The doctor said
he thought not, if they were light drinks.
Returning to the Office, Sinner hunted up
an old brandy bottle, and sat and held it
for n long time, aud wondered how they
were made and then threw it out into the
coal box, and went out on the street, and
asked life insurance agent il two or three
| drinks day would hurt II man. "Ol
course they wouldn't" replied the agent.
Going home, he asked three more men,
and they all answered "no." When he
reached home he said the biscuits weren't
fit for cnnnibals, gave the girl warning
to leave and called his wlo's brother who
] Huo lH'lV OH II hlait, II mum DNChcl, ana
willful liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors IL a
little brandy was hurtful. Then he went
into Il saloon and asked for some pop. He
was good while drinking it and then he
asked 10 look at the label on biandy bot
tie. When he had read it, he looked to
see if the cork was in very tight, and in
quired Of the saloon keeper if be thought
brandy would hurt any one.
When Sinner reached home that night
he threw his wallet at his wife, told the
hired girl she might stay there 5000 years
and begged his wiPe's brothers. pardon.
and as he turned handspring in the par
lor he broke out with
$50 farewell, Mary Ann,
You must do tho bost sou can"
Sinner was tight.