The Hawaiian gazette., 1875-09-08
VIATOR
Variety

An open letter-0.
Lo business-Cheating the Indians.
An intelligent insect-The spelling bee.
The most difficult thing to remember-Tbe poor.
g What are the wild waves sayingF" And echo
answers A." Water they"
The Kansas grasshopperu speak very highly of
this springs cabbAges.
People. it's true, can't exist on air, but thousands
Of New Yorkers live on the sound.-BostO Adver-
tser.
AtE public meeting speaker said that certain
thing just as it was that Romeo found.
% Rome"
Gently the du's are Ger me stealing" as the
said when he had thirteen bills presented to him
in one day.
A red-hesded. unpriuciplei woman has been sell
ing the eOlOred people Of Boston lotion warranted
% make them white.
Punch says that man who knows all about drains
and such like sanitary cOntrivRnoes may fairly be
ranked Hs cOnnoisSeWer.
The terrible power Of appetite is illustrated in the
Of young man who drank up an entire mill
pond which his father left him.-BostOn NeO..
District Visitor Cblaudly)-" Well. dame, and how
90 you fBd things nOWH' crusty old oOttager-" How
do I find things Why, by looking Srter'em, to be
Sure-drSt your
At a recent meeting of a society composed of men
from the Emerald Isle, member made the following
motion "M Mr.. President-T moves yes wbitewAsh
the ceiling green. in honor of the ould aRg."
q loved Charles" said she wiping her eyes with
The hem Of her overskirt % loved Charles as much
q any women could love man, but when he com
menOed wearing spit Ouris, I dropped him."
" Remember this. Henry" said dying wife in
Rhode Island, q" never marry woman with mole on
her chin. She'll butter to shorten biscuits, and
throw napkins out with the dish water"
A DAnbury man returning from fashionable
funeral iu New York. last week, was asked by his
wife how il passed IF. "splendidly. splsndidlyp
be enthusiastically replied "By George they ought
20 repeat it."
"IwHsn't 50 very lAte-Ony quarter Of twelve"
HoW dare you sit there and tell me that lie7
awake when you came in. and looked at my watch,
il was three O'clock "Well, isn't three quarter
Of twelve p
An Irisbman with heavy bundle on his shoulder
riding the front of hOrse-ear asked why he
did not set bis bundle the platform. he replied
" Be jsberI. the horses have enough to drag me.
IN carry the bundle"
An old author quantity remarks: Avoid argu-
msats with ladies. In spinning yarns among slks and
safiHs, q man is sure to be wOrsted and twisted.
And when a man is WOrstsd and twisted, be may
consider himself wound up"
An Arkansu1 youth came 10 his father and said
" Dad, they amt knives enough to the table"
Dad" WbAr's big butch, little butch, the case,
oOb-hHndle. granny,l knife, and the one handled
yesterday ThHt's enough 70 sOt any gentlomsn's
table. without you've lost um."
When two Pike county men are about to make a
mule trade the FIRST question asked by the would-be
purchaser is Whats his recOrdf' Seller replies,
Three niggers and s couple dozen dashbOardI.
Here's your money! and the new owner leads his
property of.-SaranHoh AdSesiser.
when man mistakes the height Of a chair he Is
going TO occupy, by about inch and half, it is
remarkable the amount Of momentum be viii acquire
in making that little distance. he will strike that
chair with nearly much force il he had sat down
in il from the roof Of two story ng.-DanbHy
Eens.
Th.t carpet" said a dealer to an old farmer the
other day "thAs carpet is one dollar thirtyhVe per
yard bat seeing it's you, you can have 1t for one
dollar twenty while be was cutting It Of, the
farmer proudly said to his wife: 4" L never met him |
before, but you see be takes me for some big man.
Nov, then, MsriAr see what 'tis TO have 3 husband |
who looks EmHrtiEh %
Two rather intrusive soqusintAnces Of NJ. G
determined take him BY surprise by going uninvited
% spend q week With him. They had just arrived /;
aud IN taking Of their journey, Of them remarked
tc their host that they had passed through some |
beautiful corn helds on their way. "You will see
some Eueh finer ones on your way back tomorrow"
replied fhe host- m
Yesterday a. an oldcitizen mailing 4" To Rent"
card On q vacant house, pedestrian hating and re-
marked that howe" was not the right way to spell
hou1s-n q How long have you lived in Dsiroitr' |
uske& the cid Citizen scoulinE savAgely Fifteen
year" vas the reply. "Well, I've lived here for |
thirty coutuued the old man. " and gness know
how q spell a. well you dO.'-Dscroit Fres Rsss.