The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-11-20
Shorts.
Cheek, Cheek, provident Cheek,
4 man co,, emf II he's only rot cheek

y man can eat II mes only got chcch'
"The weather Is just now dubious, but it is moi
such n dubious as we would be donc-hold on
we tumble-wc did crib it. Don't imagine us
capable of such a wretchcd pun as that.
>cenc-a housc-Litte boy to mamma, "Ma
" 1t makes it thunder Little sister, with a
w.'heung look Of contempt at his ignorance
why, Sammic, Hs Mrs. God!" And yet people
will say children have no idea Of the eternal ht'
ne3s of things"
A modern essay list defines gossip to be the
"putting of two together and making five OF
them"
Young man walking along the street the
other evening saw some young ladies OF his ac-
uuantancc coming and made grand preparations
for "high toned" salute. Just as he prepared
to snatch his hat from "his noble brow and do
tic thing a Ia mole, some one yelled: Toe OUT
ole bowlegs, and don't be comm any Of your
IN lnkey.shnes round here-wc know your and
he Sided.
| "Did your notice how spenddly went through
tina. last reel at the ball the other night, Tom"
ayes, also noticed that you kept it up all the
way home"
! ,tter was sent through the Ottawa ?. o. d.
rccted to "That Small Boy with the Big Feet"
The letter was delivered, but WHO was the boy:
The Pee We once said: ain reply to the toast
-'woman-a link between earth and Heaven,
prcntss said, so is a sausage thrown into the
air. 1t was an unmanly and unjust allusion."
and now that cody sheet says: Ladies' and
gentlemen going to Chicago should not fail to
visr the Coliseum" Great hcayings! III H.
B,utel Can we believe in virtue now
By some horrible mistake an old citizen Of "the
flats" swallowed glass of-water on Sunday last
lie may recover, but will never be himself
again
There may be a mirror in the moon, but if So,
don't tell the women about it. They'd break
their nccks trying to see II their frizzcs were in
order.
Who is that "pulverized irishmsn" in plug
hat who walked over from Ireland to see the
railroad go out to Strcator He was seen last
Tuesday at the c., b. d Q. Depot.
Constant and persistent advertising is a sure
prelude to alth-Stephen Girdyd
And now the anxious editor creth: "who's go-l
in to trot out that fowl for Thanksgivingm
Echo "For thanksw "--s."
There are good many artesian wells in Otta-
wa, but good liquor" don't spoil for "a that"
We've begun. Beat vcrdant out Of new
hat this week, and now the rest Of the "Bohe'I
mians" round town are mad because they can't
do so--Some more.
The following ESSAY" on fruitful theme was
written by a rising hgh-schooler who apprc.
cates the situation:
PIN-BACKs.
1t is, as you know their special delight,
And the cry Of all is, oh pin 'em back tight.
saw her the other day trying to progress up
the street against strong wind, She looked
like a professional sack-racer preparing for the
field. To use common phrase, she progressed
like a hog on ice" She walked slowly, veryl
slowly, up the street with the unpnned remain
der of her dress moving gracefully back and
forth like horses tail in ly-time. She had on
a "Dolly Warden" overskirt trimmed with paper
cambria, and one of those stunning SLOUGH hats
with bird mounted on top. | would not say
certainly but | think her hair was done up in
the Ia bang style. She made pitiable picture,
one that ought to bring tears to the eyes
struggling against the wind, patience is a.
virtue so thought this fair young damsel for
she coolly sat down on a curb-stone and waited
till the wind changed
This is but one instance in u hundred. One
can see like scene any windy day. | am not
an advocate of the doctrine of womans rights, but
am decidedly in favor Of females having the
right Of pedestrian progression.
The following anecdote or romance, if you
wish to call it such, was related TO me by the
heroine of the adventure:
"Shc was going to social gathering" The
young gentleman was waiting for her. After
giving her dress an extra pull and shake she
started. When she reached the carriage it was
in vain she tried to reach the step. "Why do
these fools OF carriagc-makcrs make the steps
so high" she mentally calculated, while he
thought to himself, "Wny 90 they make their
dresses so internal Tight After trying in vain
every other way, she tried a run and jump.
But alas! missing her footing she fcll-into this
noble young gents arms. He gently carried her,
helpless infant as she was, to the carriage and
slowed her tenderly away"
Girls, take warning; do not wear contracted
pin-backs when you are going out with young
gentleman. If you wish to know how you look
imagine, if you can, how boy would look try.
ing to walk with both of his legs inclosed in
one leg Of his pants. PEST.
The triumph of John Morrissey over the
Tammany democrats in the 4th New York
senatorial district is topic over which repub-