The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-08-26
Miscellaneous.

Pillars that should be shaken down
caterpillars.
When a man has house lot on which
he cannot pay the taxes he has site too
much.
Why is dew like falling star? One is
mist on earth, and the other missed from
heaven.
What is the difference between the
North and South Pole? All the differ
ence in the world.
When will there be only twenty-five
letters in the alphabet? When you and
l are made one
Why have chickens no hereafter. Be-
cause they have their necks twirled
(next worldly in this.
"Mother-in- law" is the name of new
mixture of ale 1t is old and bitter, and
comparatively few can swallow it.
The misery felt by the child who
couldn't go to the picnic, is nothing to
that of the one who has been to it.
The report that the Princess of Wales
chad lost her hearing" was only Cock
ney perversion She lost an earring.
An Iowa editor recently announced
that certain patron of his was "thiev-
ing as usual" 1t was written thriving.
1t may seem paradoxical, but the best
newspapers get the most cutting treat
ment from their brethren of the tripod.
Why is drunkard like bad politi-
can2 Because he is always poking his
nose into measures that spoil the consti-
tuition.
"Do you like Goldfish balls, Mr.. Wig
gins?" Mr.. Virgins hesitatingly-"
really don't know; l. don't recollect at
tending one"
INA" said a small boy approaching
his mother and exhibiting unmistalSably
symptoms of severe pain in the bowels,
do green apples grow in heavenY"
What is the difference between sper-
maceti and schoolboy's howl? One is
the wax. produced by the whale, and the
other is the wall produced by the whacks.
"Now then children said parish
schoolmistress showing her children off
on examination day "Who loves all
men% "You, missus," was the unex-
pected reply.
Let's chip in and raise hundred dol
lars for the Boston physician who says
that it is unhealthy to rise before the sun
has dispelled the morning fogs.
An innocent young man from Rustici-
ty, who entered South street drug store
as clerk last week, was heard to ask
young party who called for soda water
what kind of seasonin' they'd have!
A somewhat illiterate Thomas street
woman, having read in a poem about
simeon that "swept the plains, is urging
her husband to get one o them new
tangled things for her to use in her
kitchen.
An awful fate has overtaken Texas
lawyer The Bonham Enterprise says:
Joe Dupree made his first speech on
Tuesday, assisting Capt. Sims in the pros
ecution> of Alex. Rodgers. The jury SEN
fenced him to be hanged.
On Monday evening his wife asked
him where he was going, as she observed
him putting on his overcoat "I am 60
ing to sally forth" he replied; and she
warmly rejoined: "Let me catch you
going with any Sally Forth
Little Alice was crying bitterly, and,
on being questioned, confessed to having
received slap from one of her playfel-
lows. You should have returned it,
unwisely said the questioner. ooh, re-
turned it before said the little girl.
Don't let your angry passions rise,
Because your neighbors advertise,
And draw away the dimes;
But boldly do as they have done,
Pursue the course they have begun
And drive away dull times.
Copy was out. The devil picked up
paper and said, Here's something
About a woman'-must 1 cut it out2'
mol" thundered the editor; "the first
disturbance ever created in the world
was occasioned by the deyilfooling about
q woman"
A teacher in the Port Jervis public
schools was last week explaining to the
children that usually all words ending
with "let" meant something small, as
streamlet rivulet, hamlet, etc. Where
upon a smart boy asked if hamlet meant
a small ham.
A boy in the suburbs tried to ascertain
the other day the soundness of the prov
erb: Birds of a feather flock together"
He plucked the old rooster down to
single tail feather, and it didn't flock at
all, but went and hid under the barn.
Thus is another old saY smashed
Don Piatt's house in Washington took
fire one Sunday morning. He superin-
tended in person the moving out of his
parlor furniture. The men carried pi-
ano down the front steps and placed it
on the sidewalk. Here, boys" said
Don, don't leave that there or the fire
men will play on it"
A country clergyman, just recovering
fnA fh.A Ntfa 81 lNFNll NNAh
nose, stopped an urchin near Fort Green,
yesterday, and asked him the way to the
corner of Fulton and Clinton streets.
The lad glanced at him suspiciously
moment and said; WELL yer needn't
go there, mister; there amt no gin mill
on that corner
A couple of neighbors became so hos
tile that they would not speak to each
other; but one of them having been
converted at camp meeting, on seeing
his former enemy, held out his hand,
saying, "How dye do Kemp2 am
humble enough to shake hands with q
dog" 1t
"My Dear" inquired young wife of
her husband as she reached up her little
mouth to be kissed on his return from
business, "have you seen the magnificent
set of walnut furniture which the Jen-
kinses have just boughtY Hem, no,
my love; but l have seen the bill srl
quite satisfies me-" Louise.