The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1875-06-05
All Sorts.

UNCLE" How did the mother of
Moses hide him ?" Niece" With a
stick
''lr will come, said stump orator,
lust as sure as it was that Romeo
founded Rome
DARWIN is said Go have made $50 600
a year by proving himself descended
from a monkey.
1.-The house at Danbury, Conn, in
which Gen. Wooster, of Revolutionary
fame, died, was lately sold for 81. il
was erected in 177l,'
STORY, the sculptor, is making SEN
sation In Florence, Italy, by his imper-
sonation of Shylock, who was also
chiseler.-MaU.
4 PERSON was told that three yards o.
cloth, by being wet, would shrink one
quarter of yard. "Well, then" he
inquired, eff you should wet quarter
of q yard, would there be any left?''
do you know who lam ?" asked
policeman of fellow whom he had
seized by the throat "Not exactly,
sir; but fancy you are the malignant
colarer.''
Ii has been decided to provide new
Bishops throne in the choir of Sails
bury Cathedral, at cost $500. to be
raised by subscriptions of the clergy or
dained by Bishop Moberty and his two
predecessors.
WHEN two Pike county men are about
to make a mule trade, the first question
asked by the would-be purchaser is,
What's his record ?" Seller replies,
Three niggers and couple dozen
L L., 6.
and the new ownerleads his property of.
The superstitious people of Shelby
county, KY, believe that John Cotton
has been stricken dumb for blasphemy.
He cursed God because frost had
ruined his crops, and on the same day
was attacked by paralysis, which bereft
him of the power of speech.
THE Rev. Mr.. Bliss, a revivalist, de
nounced the street songs of the period
before Nashville, Tenn, audience, the
other day, and while mentioning the
refrain, Il feel, " &c, an urchin among
the audience coined in, supplying the
missing words, much to the amusement
of the crowd.
THE latest style of gentleman's cravat
bow has an inner elastic, which ON
being pulled brings down the external
ribbon and reveals the ''true inward
ness" In the shape of motto, boldly
| printed on white card, "You know
! you lie." 1t is likely to prove popular
with parties to the scandal trial.
! SALMON are running SO numerouslv
in the Sacramento river at present, and
| the fishermen have caught so many of
them, that they have become "A drug in
the market, and are sold by the fisher
men on the fishing grounds for from -
to 30 cents each, and III the city at from
20 to so ceuts
BY the payment of $4,000 cash DIR.
| SchlIemann has settled the lawsuit
which the Turkish Government had
brought in Greece TO compel him to
surrender the valuable articles he has
unearthed on the supposed site of an
Gent Troy.
ARE you an Odd Fellow" "No,
sir; Eve been married for week. 81
mean do you belong to the order of
! Odd Fellows ?" "No, no;I belong to
the order of married men" Mercy,
how dumb Are you a Mason?" "No,
I'm a carpenter by trade" "WoIse
and worse Are you a son of Tenn
perance?" Bother you no; I'm son
of Mr. John GOslings. "
JEKYLL told Moore of man who had
said his eating cost almost nothing, for
"on Sunday" said he, 81 always dine
with an ldfriend and then eat so much
that it lasts until Wednesday, when !
buy some tripe, which | hate like the
old boy, and which accordingly makes me
SO sick that | cannot eat any more until
Sunday again.
"YoU are all going to hell - shouted
an Arkansas camp-meeting preacher
THAT'S a id lie; I'm going to
! New Orleans" said buttclnut on
rear seat; but he took it all back when
the preacher marched down toward him
pulling an eighteen-inch bowie knife
from his boot leg as he advanced.
THIS is how Sam Ward, the king of
the Washington lobby cooks ham: ~
soak it for four days in water, changing
1t four times a day, then boil it five
hours i'll cider, with a whisp of new hay;
then / haste it with brandy, sherry, or
claret, according to the weather; and
when they have tasted a slice of that
ham why, they will pass anything /
want In Congress"
Mr.. GREEN-You need not be afraid
of that glass of wine, uncle; it's thirty
four port, you know. Uncle-Thirty-
four port Thirty fddlesticks It's
no more thirty-four port than you are
Mr.. Green-Itis, ! can assure you In
deed, it's really thirty-six, and thirty
four if you return the bottles
INSPECTOR (who notices backward
ness in history)-Who signed Magma
Charter? (No answer.) Inspector
(more urgently)-Who signed Magma
Charta? (No answer.) Inspector Can
grily)-Who signed Magma Charter
/ Scapegrace thinking matters were be
/ ginning to look serious) PLEASE, sir, it
was not me, Sir
A WOMAN entered crowded str ct
car the other day, and for a moment or
two no one offered her seat. Then
fat man affected with the asthma, beck
oned to her and said: MADAM, please
take-take" Cough cough, She stood
there waiting for his seat, and as soon
as he was over his coughing fit, he con
cluded: MADAM, please take care and
not step on my sore foot - The look she
gave him was appalling, but all the rest
saw the joke
AN Aberdeenshire laird, who kept a
very good poultry yard, strangely
enough could not command fresh egg
for his breakfast. One day, however,
he met his grieve's wife going toward
the market, and, very suspiciously
with a nice basket. On pass