, 1875-02-21

clothing. And after the engineers OF both train,
had accounted for thar being behind by tho dis
play Of danger signals On the line, Tox WE1cn
Was discharged.
The traveller who sojourns in San FfAucisco'e
new hotel will reflect with delight that eleven
pereons besides himself have keys to his door,
and know the place better than he does.
It is such an uncommon thing to have gnod
order in Texas Court, that recently Judge
HAnE, OF Dallas, published card thanking the
peopls for their quiet and orderly behavior.
Archbishop MANNING said the only good thing
ever invented by q woman Was the patent soda
rater invented by Hiss THwA11Es, OF Dublin.
He must have been out with the boyH the night
before.
] judge WOODRUFF has granted BouctcAuL1 an
| Injunction to restrain JOSH HARr from playing
*.6kibbeeah," Or tho third, sixth, seventh.
eighth, ninth, tenth, eleventh, aud twelfth
| scenes thereof.
DAN RICE has gons into the Bankrupt Court.
| He is badly busted There are 200 creditors, Of
| all trades and professions. His debta arc ret
down 1t 100000, and his assets are one auit Of
clothes Talue, 575.
With utat relief tho weary mind turns from
the 1neretricious revelations Of Che Great Trial
and reads, in the advertisement Of most any
popular dent1iace that {" the atmosphere Of true
| lore is pur1ty.*-Brookyn Argus.
It was woman, E11zAnETH Countess of Tha-
! vat, who first petitioned the Irish Government
for penny post This was 172 years ago. Sub
sequently, fot that valuable hint she Was award
cd pension Of e3oo sterling per annun-
Our Minister to Turkey has, it seems, had
dragoman out inquiring about the outrages on
American missions. It's high time those Turks
learned they can't drag man out and beat him
with impunity, evan il no is an American.
4 Montana editor bemoans the ealanoities Of
1874 in the following touching strain: g First,
that BEEcH1R business then the grasshoppe1s,
then the Democratic victories, and now an in
o1eased tux On whisky. What is this poor coun-
try coming TOP"
4 PoughkeepIs parent lately induced croupy
youngster to mako quite hearty meal Of buck
wheat cakes and maple molasses," but the LAT
ter proved to bo nice syrup Of squills. The boy
said he thought something allied the molasses the
yerr minute his father told him to cat Ill hs
wanted.
One evening last week : matorialized spirit
that had been delighting IN Eastern circle OF
the elect, got fdghtful whack On the bead FROM
cane in the hand OF muscular skaptc, and
the next day there was pasted On the shutters Of
the officiating medium'a store bit Of paper
containing the following legend: "Gosed On
account Of death in the family
GEORGE WEBSTER, the Louisville agent of the
Kentucky State Lottery, called at tho Office Of
the Sunday GIode to lick its editor, MoRro4, fnr
writing him up. He found MORTON To the preas-
room, slapped him, and, to hear WEBSTER groan
and gee his face, you would think he'd been
run through the press. That vas week ago,
and be iB still abed.
AE. V1cKEAs, Librarian Of Che Cincinnati Pub
io Library, has written long report dated June
so, 1874, aud now made public for the first time.
The object Of this report is to accuse MI. PooIE,
his predecessor and our Librarian, Of incompe-
tonco. Fox ma1ice, misrepresentation, and SELF
hudation, the newspapers OF Cincinnati tell
the truth, the Rev. THOMAS V1cKRas can give
odda to ali competitors
Some people imagine that MARX TWAIN is ex-
eeediDgly smart. We knew him when he vas
grinding platitudes for tho Virginis Enterprise,
and he was notorioualy lazy g1indar. He
would sit at his editorial table for hours drum
we1e waiting for copy, and, when reminded Of
bis duty by the foreman, would say: 'This
working between meals ia killing mel" And he
WAS tho healthieet man in tho Territory.-Oak-
land Tribune.
Tho Fourth Duchess OF Oneida, short-horn
cor, valued at $25, 900, died the other day in
Paris, Ky. 'tThus," says ths Courier Journal
"one by ono our titled nobility pass from earth,
and, as the obituary machine Of tho Philadal
phia Ledger would express it,: /
Our dear Fourth Ducheas she II gons
Forever to abide /
In those broad PASTURES. fresh and ers<n.
Beyond the swelling tide,
1s2vsng & ns s'gh1g lagi,a for n;s patr Of boots
Coma to meet her grandmother.
Prof. FOWLER, the phrenologist, examined |
Ehe head Of the Detroit Free Press hunorisr, |
md, not knowing who his subject was, said:
- Young man, cannot commend to you any in
tellectual pursuit in life. You may guide plow
With some degree OF intelligence may even
hoe potatoes without danger but attempt moth
ng moro ezhauating to the cerebral tissues.
fou have not the brain, sir, for an intellectual
ue behind the counter" And FowLEn has
earned more about his own faults from the De-
rolt Free Press than he ever knew.
The beautiful Mrs. RousDx came near having
Ter bri1liancy eclipsed the other evening in Nov
FORK. While acknowledging the p1audits be-
ore the curtain, her dress caught fire from the
ootllghts. The dress Was heavy white satin,
|aving deep trimming Of point lace. Quito ;
|laze had arisen, when one OF the musicians
thacted the attention of Mr.. CLARKE, who
uickly e1tinsuished it before it had done any
amage ether than tho running OF tho lace. Mrs.
.ou5BY, unconscious OF tho danger through
7hich she had passed, smiled sveetly and bowed
er thanks to Mr. CLARKE.
4 pretty girl is employed TO take up the col
ections in Z Springfield church. and the receipts
re- very heavy. 1t strange gentleman hesi-
ates about contributing, she smiles, nods, and
inks in such queer style that the victim first | I
lushes up to the roots OF his hair, and then ! {
,akea dive for his pocketbook, anxious to close
he interview rs aoon as possible. All the young
SLOWS who know her think it worth 80 cents !
eok to catch her beautiful brown eye, and the !
omen all pny because il they don't ahs ssys
meanny with her lips, while look Of intense !