The Toledo chronicle. [volume] (Toledo, Tama County, Iowa) 1873-1924, 1875-05-13
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

| A CORRESPONDENT wants to know
what attenuated satisfaction" is. The
only probably correct answer to this
which occurs to US is kissing through a
veil.-iSt. Louis Republican,.
IT was an Irish Coroner who, when
asked how he accounted for an extraor-
dinary mortality in Limerick, replied
sadly: AZ cannot tell. There are people
dying this year that never died before. !"
SEWING MACHINE men and life insur-
rance agents don't want to say word
for six months to the man who walked
eighteen miles to call for an advertised
letter, and found it was printed adver-
tising circular.
A VERY religious old lady being asked
her opinion of the organ of a church,
the first time she had ever heard one, re-
Piled: at is very pretty box of whis-
ties, but oh! it's an awful way to spend
the Sabbath"
A CERTAIN physician would never keep
"a carriage, notwithstanding his large
practice, and is made responsible for the
mot: If doctor drives one horse it
indicates physical weakness; if he drives
two, mental weakness"
MoNCURE d. CONWAY says that British
newspapers, while they may not support
the wrong, will frequently suppress the
truth for policy's sake. What comfort
to reflect that nothing of that kind is
ever done in this country!
A READING (Pa) fellow announces his
intention to make an ascension during
the coming summer, and when two miles
above the earth jump from til C balloon
and depend upon a parachute to bring
him safely to solid ground.
A YANKEE editor says: eff the party
who plays the accordion in this vicinity
at nights will only change his tune occa-
sonally, or sit where we can scald him
when the engine has steam on, he will
hear of something to his advantage"
NOTHING makes man feel more des-
olate than TO return home from a fash
ionable wedding and have his wife yell
at him as soon as he gets inside the door:
Come, now, jerk off them fine duds as
quick as you can, and fetch me a scuttlc
of coal"
IT is proposed that everybody. man,
woman and child, plant an elm, oak, ma
Pile or some other good tree on the
ground where he lives this year, as a
centennial offering to those who may
come after them and sit in the shade of
the same.
CoNsIDEHAT1oN.-Pat -"Say, Mick,
there goes your mother. She's been
after pickin' up bit o. wood for the
fire" Mick-"Faith, and why shouldn't
she? The ould lady's gettin' Oh in years
and likes to have her little comforts
about her"
HAVING AN EYE To BUSINESS. young
ster who had had several teeth extracted
was comforted by the dentist with the
assurance that they would come again.
With an eye to the immediate future
little Johnny inquired: "Will they come
again before dinner?"
The country is suffering under an in
crease of that class of mendicant dead
beats known as tramps. How to cure
this evil is question that anXiously dis
tarbs the economists of the Eastern
States. The treadmill ought to be re-es-
ablished-Inter-Oc Ocean.
IT is said that the stock of played out
war songs and sentimental soldier dit
ties left on music dealers hands by the
termination of the rebellion is enormous.
The question is, wouldn't it pay the hold
ers to work up another war to get them
off ?-Cncinnati Commercial.
A BAD little boy, upon being promised
five cents by his mother ifhe would take
dose of castor oil, obtained the money,
and then told his parent that she might
castor oil in the street. He will make a
humorous newspaper paragraphist one
of these days.-Bost0n Courier.
In former times one of the supposed
characteristics of fishes was that they
took no care or notice of their eggs or
pawn, or of their young; but 1t is now
known that some species of the suntsh,
at least, carefully watch their spawn I'M
til incubation takes place, and care for
the Young fish some time afterward.
These varieties of the sunfish also live
in pairs.
TnESan Antonio (Tex.) Herald gives
the following solemn warning: "Here-
: after we shall publish list of the names
, of those who go a fishing on the Lords
day and fail to send US string of trout.
Perch and suckers have too many bones
: in them to allow US to forget that the
moral element of our population look to
| the press to eradicate this growing desc
Grafton of the Sabbath"
FORTY ONE years ago fair bride in
Fulton County, MY, received as we'd
ding present large and delicious cheese
Since then the bride and all who attend
ed the wedding, except the groom, have
died, and one !ay last week, on the
forty-first anniversary of his marriage,
the lonely old man, his banquet hall de-
serted, for the first time cut and tasted
the lonely old cheese-or, stating the Cir
cumstances in language more ineligible
to Western readers, his friends having all
"taken rest" the old gent concluded
that he would take down the wedding
relic and "cheese it."-Chtcago Journal
RESOLUTIONS recently reported to the
Rhode Island Medical Society contain
suggestions that should be remembered
by all teachers. They declare that schol
+ ars should not maintain the same posi-
ton more than half an hour at a time
, that no child should be admitted to the
public schools, as now conducted, under
seven years of age; that under twelve
? years of age, three hours day, and fol
E twelve and over, four hours day, is
, sufficiently long confinement to mental
!; culture; that study out of school should
not usually be permitted and that all in
centives to emulation should be used
cautiously, especially with girls.
. A PLAIN man called on Mrs. Trull, in
| Pacific street, Brooklyn, recently, very
g hungry, and begged with prayers on his
7 lips for something to eat. He ate heart.
5 lily, and when he was done he asked per.
mission of Mrs. Trull to pray for her foi
: her kindness. He crossed himself, bowed
4 his head and began to pray fervently. In
| his ardor his coat unbuttoned and the
| handle of the silver spoon with which