Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-03-17
All Sorts.

All Sorts.
A BRIGHT boy recently told Lis teach
er there were three sects, the male sect,
the female sect, and insect.
A NOTED miser named Lynch, re-
Gently died near Dublin, at the age of
seventy-two. He left near 100000,
which his brother, clerk in London
banking house, will take great pleasure
in spending. ~.
A MATTER oF-FACT doctors wife, as
tempted to move him by her tears.
"Ah - said he, ''tears are useless.
have analysed them. They contain q
little phosphate OF lime, some chlorate
of sodium, and water
A CAREFUL housewife in Altoona put
an S18 order and 80 greenback into
the drawer of the coffee mill last We'd
nesday for safe-keeping. Thursday
morning the family enjoyed S28 cup of
coffee.-M5ners' Journal. ..... ..s.. 49,
A DUBUQUE boy was rather troubled
for lear that he would not know his
father when they both reached heaven,
out his mother eased him, rsmarking,
"All you have to do is to Look for al
angel with red nose en- him.
THERE has been a great hotel robbery
in Vienna, and the inhabitants of that
little village are awfully excited about
it. The thief was 'sladyp'' and the
jewels she appropriated are valued by
the owner at 100000.
LUCRETl2 BOYD, of Elizabeshtown,
settled the question with her slow wooer
by simply shedding few tears, and
saying: 81 don't believe [ haze real
friend on earth" What could the poor
fellow do bus open his arms, and ex-
Iclaim: Here is your refuge -
AFTER Wait Whitman emerged from
She last Polar wave, and had tha4aeSl the
5cicles from has, frozen brain, he ID said
TO have exclaimed:
Hhowl a whoop=.
end with the hov2raent of the whoopI zip g.
yawp,
Azad with a million ahill-betingled vein1nI bow
me to the WT4te1s sovereignty;
O. bitesome breezel o quakesome wages. and
all conglomerate elements Of geld things
ONE of our young ladies whose COM
psny is much griDed by an entergrasiag
Young merchants took charge OF aciass
of little girls the other Sunday. hitter
ths.lesson, she told the children shat ii
they wished to- ASK her any questions
she-would answsn them. "Wil yoa an
sw a.. true 2" askes1is bright-eyed cksrl1o-
* Certainly" said the teacher. g Well,
then" said the Little one, hesitat5ngly,
Ce+-do you love Mr.. B-?" The
teasher collapseAa--Danbuay Neases
OsE of the unfortunate juvenileswlao
soil zdt pennies, vas asked, "Whsee is.
vorg mother 90 She answered difEdent-
ly,A ssShe is dead" Have yea no,
father % GO Yes, sig, but he is silak.,
q Vsahat ails him s'' continued the sqpes-
toner s'He hassgos 3 sore finger. sir-
q IaGaeed - eyes, sir. ''Ihen why
don't he cut it o5E 2a2'' PIE ase, sin,,::' re-
spoaZed the littla maid, 90 he hahn s. got
no money to buEa knife
GRANDMA, da,you know why Z. can
see ZIP in the sky so far q ashed
Chaaaie, ittla fouryear-old, 81 the
verarable lady Who sat on the garden
seass knitting. No, my dear, why IS
it 2s' said grandma, bending her dead,
eager to catch and remember the wise
sa1ng of the prsaiosls little pet. '1-Rse-
case there is natlling in the way" re-
plel the Young philosopher, resamlng
hssastronomical research, and grand
MAJ her knlttinl
AMONG the 3apers of CaAtaehin
n,oak who has Just died, was found the
following singular will: 'I beGaeash,
FIST to the AhBe Michand my bseviary,
bseause he does. not know his owa; Sec
|oad, to M. Jules Favre my fssek, to
hide his shame; third, to NJ. Gaznbetta
,ny cord, which will prove ussanl one
1ay round hisneek; fourth, to NJ ,Fhiers
his own work. that he may read 1t over
Nagain: and fifth, to France nay wallet,
Bbecause she May shortly have occasion
lfor one to collect aims.
j T,oRD JOKES, q wealthy Engilshman,
: who. more than year since, purchased
! ex- Governor Buffers residence In Lin
!, coin. Nebraska, and Immediately left
for Europe, has not since been heard
7 from, and fears of his safety are enter
tanned. Governor Butler to-day pub
ished card inquiring for his wherea-
bouts, and notifying him that $40, 900
unpaid must be paid. Jones was I'M
mensely rich, and owned great lands IN
: Lincoln. and his absence and silence Is
inexplioable.
: "YouR young friend stayed uncom-
/ monty long last night, and | was quite
E inclined to come into the parlor and
: dismiss him." said an indulgent father
;, to his pet of sixteen. sob! yes, 1t was
pretty late; but we got so Interested LII
> discussing ritualism that we di u, hoe ny no
. tice the fleeing hours, papa LIS
: GUESSING ritualism p sternly queIlea sne
: father. and then he walked Slowly away
: with his hands under his coat'sKlrts,
= trying to remember at they ealsea II