Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-07-07
Odds and Ends.

GOOD line or DCS1neSS-tho fish
line.
CHEAP drapery-the curtains of the
night.
LIVING on excitement is very expen-
sive living.
TINE is money, and many people pay
their debts with it.
A DEPRAvED punster says he shall
smoke if he chews to.
RETIRING early at night will surely
shorten mans days.
HE only way a young lady could
spell "molten" recently, was-M-o-u-l-
ton.
MANY editors are of such peaceful
nature, that they will not put head on
their editorials.
A dressmaker's apprentice speaks of
her cross-eyed lover, as fellow whose
ooks are cut bias.
A CLOSE observer says that the words
which ladies are fondest of are the first
and last words.
a. BRIGHT boy recently told his teach
er there were three sects: the male sect,
the female sect, and insects.
4 CHICAGO deputy sheriff was refused
free admission to Chicago theatre.
By way of revenge he impanelled the
manager ON a petit jury.
WHY are the days in summer longer
than the days in winter? Because it is
hotter in summer, and heat expands.
PLEAsANT-FACED people are generally
the most welcome, but the auctioneer
is always pleased to see man whose
countenance is for bidding.
To many the path of life is nearly
all tunnels-Ddnbury Nea0s. That is
what makes it such a bore.-Boston
NeUs.
IN list for soldier, says Robin to Sue.
To avoid these eternal disputes !"
"Aye, aye, cries the termagant, 'do Robin do,
III rase the meanwhile fresh recruits.
SHE'S regular coquette, is Miss Pa
cifc Mail. Do you notice how she iilts
her first love for her second, and don't
consult Pa-na'-Ma on the subject,
either !?
A NEWSPAPER biographer tryingto say
his subject "was hardly able to bear the
demise of his wife" was made by the
inexorable printer to say, swear the
chemise of his wife,
A PRINTER out West, whose Office is
two miles from any other building, and
who hangs his sign On the limb of tree,
advertises for boy. He says, ga boy
from the country preferred.
Two Irishmen travelling On the Balti-
more and Ohio railroad track, came to
mile post, when one of them said
"Tread aisy, Pat; here lies man 1OS
years old-his name was Miles from
Baltimore"
Mrs. EvARTs said to Mrs. Evarts yes
terdas morning, "Get up and open the
hampers, William;" and Mr.. Evarts
said absently, turning over for another
NAP, "Your honor will please note my
exception"
AN Irishman with heavy bundle on
his shoulders, riding on the front Of
horse-car, was asked why he did not set
his bundle on the platform. Hereplied:
"Be jabbers, the horses have enough to
drag me. I'll carry the bundle
MISS EASTMAN, of Boston, speaks of
'seyes as bright as buttons on all angels
Undertaking" It is startling COM
parison, and the melancholy part of it
is the suggestion that we fellows have
got to be troubled with buttons over
there as well as over here.
The Darburian is answerable for the
following: The boatswain's pipe will not
be allowed to you to smoke. It's mis-
take to inquire the time of day by the
larboard watch. Don't think you can
steer boat because you have been a.
tller of the soil
A COUNTRY youth, who desired te
know how to become rich sent quarter
In answer to an advertisement, and re.
ceived the following recipe: increase
your receipts and decrease your expen-
ditures. Work eighteen hours day
and live on hash and oatmeal cruel"
ACUTE chinamania.- May" Mammal
mamma! don't go on like this, pray"
Mamma (who has smashed a favorite
pot)-'.What have I got to live for?"
May--ssHav'nt you got me, mamma r.
Mamma-"You, child! You are not
unique. There are six of you-a COM
plete set.-Paaach.
A THEATRICAL company was doing IN
a special car, in silence, when the train
stopped and the brakeman yelled "Eliz-
abeth!" A ballet girl sIrang to her
feet. half asleep, and cried: where's
Beecher 60 and hid her face amid the
roars of laughter which followed the
unfortunate association of names.
A QUIET, peaceable gentleman in
Philadelphia has recently given up bust
ness. sent his family into the country,
and calmly announces his determination
Of devoting the remainder of his life to
discovering to the man who sent him
paving stone by express, with SIT
charges on it.-Noah's Sunday Times.
A CONTEMPORARY asks, ssWhat ale the
street lamps for?" The man who doesn't
know what street lamp is for is hardly
fit to sit in an editorial chair and mold
public opinion. Street lamps are for
weary young men 20 go Keeling against
at midnight, when they forget the way
home. "-NorTistoa0,a Herald.
When the wind is adverse, and it blows brisk
gale,
And the ship has to tack and to shift every
sail,
What, then, is she like, in q nautical phrase?
Whv q ladv Of fashion: she's always III stays.