Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-03-31
Wit, HumOr and Wisdom.

moment he sat down on the warm stove.
RUNNING things into the ground
Driving spiles.
To preserve an untarnished name
Keep your door plate well secured.
A RECENT verdict returned in Utah
was, GO Guilty of assault with intent to
brighten"
The Lowell Courier says that Gen.
Schenck's poker was intended only for
a country tire-side.
AN auctioneer once advertised lot
of chairs, which, he said, had been used
by school children without backs
RHODE ISLAND will build q new state
house if Connecticut and Massachusetts
will tolerate the rain drip from the roof.
VERMONT does a large business on a
small capital P. S:-The capital of
Vermont is "t."
PERSUASION is better than force.
When Cinnamon has anything heavy
to carry he does it by means Of BAN
boo sling.
The tailor relies on measures, not
men" when garments are to be fitted,
but when the bill is to be paid he goes
for the man.
DIALOGUE between lady and an Irish
servant; "Not at home Would you
| inuuire?" Servant returns-"She's not
at home. ma Jam but she says she'll be
in an hour"
HELP others, would you help yourselves: So
! orders Heaven.
Only when side by side do one and one make
eleven.
However humble or undeserving he
may be, never make man your enemy.
By saturating your kindling wood with
tungstate of soda he can make it infaIn
mable.
A POSTAL card recently read by a Wig
liant clerk expressed these sentiments:
Mr.. - / shall open privet schulz
at my house and you can cum one turn
free, and learn manors.
The very last curiosity spoken of In
the papers is wheel that came off
dogs when it was wagin'. The man
who discovered it has retired from pub
lie life.
A LIVELY lady, when the subject Of
"strong minded women - was being
discussed, made this remark. 81 no
tice that those women's rights people
are invariably mems left's.
HIGH life below stairs. Mistress OF
the house" I've some important let
tiers want taken to the post, Progmore.
Have you finished dinner down stairs,
yet?" Butler Not yet, mum; the
'ongtrays' is just a-goin' in. %
He lives in Rh.nebeck now-109 years
of age, threads needle at arms length,
slept with Noah when boy, playe
marbles when boy with Pharaoh, and
turned the grindstone for G. W.
sharpen his little cherry cutter.
In the preparation of epithets, says
noted writer, nothing is so desirable
conciseness. We do not remember t
have seen more concise statement o
mans virtues than is contained in tn
following, from an Oregon paper:
The angels tonight, in their mansions of light,
Are waltzin' round Anthem Mink:
He was faithful and kind as any you'll tnd
| And gin was his favOr1te drink.
| SOL MAMALUKE's MUSINGS.
I won q beauteous maid
| Or rather thought had
But when asked her dad
| He got so thunderln mad.
| / felt afraid.
| And when she babe me stick,
| T did But with a frown
He snatched me by the crown,
Aud yanked me up and down,
And then
I" busted quick.
JOURNALISTIC Scene: A sub-editor'
room. Sub-editor has evidently been
dining.-Small boy (from irate propri
tor)-"Mr. Macfnigan wants to see
you Immediately, sir "Tel him I'm
out Small boy-''I told him that
sir, and he said [ was to go and fin
YOU" Sub-(after a deliberation)-
"Well, go and find me. Punch.
Mans fool
When it's hot he wants 1t cool:
When it's cold he wants it hot
| Meier contented with his lot.
/ When it's dry
| He for showers is heard to sigh:
When to meet his wish-it rains,
Of the wet the fool complains.
/ Hot or cold. dry or wet,
| Nothing suits that he can get;
| l consider as rule,
/ Mans a fool
A GENTLEMAN who rode his own mar
in the course of an eastern tour, aske
his Arab attendant if he was quite sur
she always got her allowance. ooh
yes" he replied; "my countryme
often steal from one another, and TO
their friends horses, but I can Away
find out it your mare has been cheat
ed. "How - 81 always put som
pebbles in with the barley-seven
eight-and count exactly how many
put in. The mare never eats the peb-
bles, and if any one steals the barley
he is sure to take two or three pebble
, with it. If I find the pebbles short
the morning, 1 have hard words, an
. they cannot tell how know, so the
give up cheating her.