The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-05-20
|. Sf3 MILAN! GIBSON COUNTY, TENNESSEE MAY 1875

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! Rssosref, 1hatin the death Of John James So
/ and so fhis Club has lost a worthy fnembef so
! ciets an Ornament, his family an aifechonat
lather and husoahds The STATE a pslar and sic
| fender, and the world at large one Il could i'll
spare.
Resolred, That while we mourn with sorroy
that seems 20 have no alleviatiOn under the grea
affection that has fallen upon us, we cannot bu
bow IN humility 10 this inscrutable decree.
ResOired, That we tender our heartfelt sympa
thy 10 the family and relatives Of the deceased.
ResOlred, That the Club House he draped Il
mourning for thirty days in memory of the de
ceased.
AS he finished, Mr.. Upandowniohl
brought his fist down upon the table til
the glasses jingled.
"What stuff this is ~ he said, indignant
ly. ~ knew So-and-so. He was dis
honest and untruthful mana tyrant in
bisfamily, a trader in politics, disagree
bic man in society, and a curse to humani
ty generally. And they mourn him, dc
they? And | suppose they want me tC
mourn Ranter, who is to be embalmed to-
night. Ha! ha! will astOnish these peo.
pie. | will write one set of honest reso.
lutiOns. | knew Ranter, who has just
gone hence, and justice shall be done him,
sure will be as mild as | can be, and do
him justice, but will be honest with his
memory"
So Mr.. papdOwnjohn called for fresh
pens and ink and paper, and wrote; and
having made fair copies of what he wrote,
took them himself to the offices of the
Screanaer, the Spotter, and the Soarer,
and went home and slept as only he can
sleep who rejoices over duty done and
well done.
The next morning the members of the
Leviathan were astonished at reading in
the journals the following:
WHEREAS, By long course of most outrage
Gus dissipation, of late nights Of late suppers of
the grossest food, Of perpetual beverages of the
most villainous kind-those that give the stomach
no show whatever-by unchecked and unreglI-
lated indulgence in the worst possible sensuality
in brief, by long continued series Of the viest
outrages upon the physical, mental, and moral
man, our late member, Arthur Simpson Ranter,
has been taken to that bourne from which we
earnestly hope he may never return and
WHEREAS, When member of the Leviathan
Club expires, it is customary to commemorate
him, to give him send off, as itwere; therefore,
be it
Resolred, That when we remember the villain
GUS habit he had of revOking at whist, and also
his adrOt way Of sliding out of paying the score
whenever he lost the rubber, our grief at his de-
partnre is severely mitigated, if not entirely sub
dued.
ResOlred, That the promptness of our late as
and his intolerable tardiness in reciprocating
did more honor to his head than to his heart.
ReSOtUed, That his habitual untruthfulness, his
utter disregard of his word and his clustering
him, as they served as a warning tD the younger
members of the club. For this his demise is to
be lamented.
ResotUed, That his habit of getting boozy be-
fore ii a. m. and staying in that condition as
long as there was a good -natured man in the
club, gives US, his survivors, good reason to
pause and ask no more that conundrum ''Why
was death introduced into the world Z"
ReSOlred, That when We remember the success
with which our late brother borrowed money and
his utter fOrgenulness of such transactions, our
hearts are sOftened towards Adam and Eve
(through whose sin death was made part of the
Of nature), and we publicly thank that
lady and gentleman for their investigating turn
of mind, and hurl back Indignantly the charge
that they did not do the best thing possible for
ReSOlUed, That in the death of our late broth
er, who was vile as an actor as he was bad as
man, the long suffering, theater going public
have boon, the sweetness of which cannot be
over stated, and upon which we extend them
hearty congratulations.
Resolved, That we congratulate Mrs. Ranter
upon the fact that her private fortune was set
lied upon herself, and SO skillfully tied up that
her late husband, our deceased brother, could
not get a cent of it. And we do this, remember
ng how often we have mOurned it was so, for
he reason, that, could he have touched il he
would have drunk himself into and untimely
omb several years sooner than he did. Death,
Win US, buries all animosty and does away with
III acrimony.
Resolr d, That the Club House be Illuminated
he night of the funeral, and be draped in white
or thirty days in honor of this happy event.
Resolred. That this truthful tribute to the mem
)ry of our deceased brother be published in the
the SpOLGfer, and the SOdrer.
To say there was an uproar in the club
he next morning, as these resolutions
we're read, would be to convey very
aint idea of the case. In the midst of it,
when it was at its height, entered Upan-
lowniohn. cleanly shaved, and as serene
Is a June morning.
=" Did you write and publish this miSer-
lble mess-this CHASTITY concOction of in
demanded a score of indig-
lant men.
"Did | write these resolutions, you
mean? did. was appointed a COM
nittee TO embalm the memory of the late
2anter in the daily papers. did it. Do
,ou find any thing Objectionable in
HEMP
"Why, you assert that he was
ponge!" exclaimed one.
4" Unhappily it is the truth. | have
myself paid for gallons of liquor for
lim.'
. You said he was bad actor
The worst | ever suffered under"
"What will his wife think OF what you
,aid of him:''
She will recognize the portrait and
With lis thank Heaven for her release"
You give it rs the sense of the club
hat he was
"Every thing that was bad. mean and
Very good. 1t is true, every
word of it. He owes me thirty-seven dol !
ars, siXty-three cents and a third, which !
he has owed (it was bOrrowed) since July !
J. 1871. at twenty-seven minutes past ten |
''clock in the evening. And every man |
# you is also his creditor. If there is a |
mean thing that he has not done, it has es-
aped my notice"
BY this time Mr.. UpandownjOhn saw
hat his fellow members were angry, and |
e at once lost his balance and became an /
-ry too.
BrandiShing his umbrella (it was not |
aiming, but as it was the time of the |
month when it should have rained, he |
arried it), he exclaimed:
Gentlemen, you have had one set of |
esOlutiOns written which contained moth 4
ng but the truth, not the whole truth. for |
ny TIME was limited, and it was impOssi-
,le to get in all that could have said, and |
BESIDES desired TO be as lenient as posi- |
DE. Having written nothing but truth, |
-Ou are offended. tits well. will have /
lothing whatever to do with club where 1
he truth cannot be told. Truth, if not |
he immediate jewel of my soul, is very /
lose to it. Gentlemen, adieu. You have /
cen the last of John UpandowDjOhn. |
should | stay, might be called upon to |
esolve over some of your remains, and as |
cannot tell a lie, it would be mpleas- /
mt"
And that afternoon the directory re- !
eived his resignation. and he was seen /
here no more. !
There is no particular moral to thiS.'+
There are very few men in the world of I
whom il would be pleasant, as the world /
low goes, to tell the truth. Therefore, /
IL who read these lines live. as does he I
Who writes them. so that when AZrael /
waves his dark pinions over them, they |
nay lie down and die, feeling certain that /
he committee on resolutions. though /
hey may be as truthful as UpandoWn- /
ohm. will say nothing that will call a
pirit blush to their cheeks in the hereafter /
d. r. Locke, IN National Monthly.
TIE Lafayette (Ind.) Courier is dissat- I
sfied with the IRE department of that city
nd complains thus AN engine-house
urned out in broad daylight, while the
fire department. made up of ward poll