The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1875-05-27
He Didn't Want to Rnn.

He Didn't Want to Rnn.
The predecessor ofour present Coroner,
Barney Maginn, was man named
Walsh. He was telling me the other day
about the singular circumstances attend
ing his election to the office.
"You know" said Mr.. Walsh. "that I
didn't want that position. When they
talked of nominating me I told them,
says I: Its no use; you needn't elect
me; I'm not going to serve. D'you s'pose
I'm going to give up a respectable bust
ness to become a kind of State BODY
snatcher? D'you imagine I'm going to
occupy my time skeeling about over this
county mauling dead people, and plung-
ing things into them, and setting on
them to find out what killed them? Well,
I just amt. I'm no professional corpse
investigator. Pm down on this post
norton foolery anyway. don't intend
to spend my life rassling with bones ly-
ing all around the State. There's no
sense in it. Why don't you chuck them
into the sepulcher and be done with it?
When mans bowed up with gunpow-
der and comes down in mince meat it
don't interest me to know what killed
him SO you needn't make me Coroner,
for won't serve
swell, sir, do you believe that those
fellers persisted in nominating me on the
Republican ticket! Yes, they did
actually put me up as a candidate. So
published letter declining the nomina
ton; but they absolutely had the in.
siderable cheek to keep me on the ticket
and to hold mass meetings, at which
they made speeches in my favor. I was
mad as thunder about it, because i,
showed such a scand'lous disregard OF
my feelings; and SO l chummcd in with
the Democrats, and for about two months
l went around to the Democratic mass
meetings and spoke against myself and
in favor of the opposition candidate.
thought had them for sure, because ]
knew more about my own failings than
those other fellers did, and 1 enlarged
upon them until I made myself out
we'll, just heaped up the iniquity until
l used to 60 home feeling that I was a
good deal wickcder sinner than l ever
thought was before. 1t did me gooG, too
l reformed. I've been better man ever
since.
"Now you'd thought people would a
considered me pretty fair authority
about my own unfitness for the office,
but hope may be killed and eaten il
the citizens of this county positively
didn't 20 to the polls and elect me by
about 800 majority. They did, indeed
/ was the worst cut up of any man you
ever saw. mad repeaters around at the
polls, too, voting for the Democratic can
didate, and paid four of the judges tc
falsify the returns so as to return him
But it was no use; the majority was toe
big. They had" me in hole And or
election night the Republican Executive
Committee came round to serenade me
and as soon as the band struck up
opened on them with a shotgun anC
wounded the bass-drummer in the leg
But they kept on playing, and after q
while when they stopped they pokcd
some congratulatory resolutions under
the front door, and gave me three cheers
and went home. / was never SO an
noyed in my life.
"Then they sent me round my ccrtifi
it, and as sure as I'm alive those Teller!
MGR rammed that certificate into IN,
coat-pocket, and then they all quit Thu
next day man was run over on thu
him. But I had my mad up and
wouldn't. So what does the Sheriff d,
but come here with gang of police ant
carry me out there by force. And Ii,
scared up jury, which brought in 1
the fees, but wouldn't touch them.
| I To ri,
to the proceedings. But of course it wa
country, but wasn't. The Sheriff drew
the money and got mandamus from tn
Court, and he came here one day while
touch dollar of it he drew pistol an,
said if didn't take those funds he'd blow
my brains out. So what was man t,
do? I resigned fifteen times; but some
how those designations were suppressed
l never heard from them. Well, sir, a
last / caved, and for three years ken
skirmishing around perfectly disguised
meditating over folks that had died sud
denly and inquiring about old, dilapidat
ed cadavers that were picked up in vari
GUS places.
"And, do you know that, on towar,
|
try to nominate me again! It's a posi-
tive fact. Those politicians wanted m
to run again; said I was the most popu
lar Coroner the county ever had; sal,
that everybody liked my way of hand
and sympathy, and a lot more slush lik
that! But what did l do? l WASH
going to run any such risk again.
woSnst yOirr tn inn, = tn c,,oJ Ioor>o%;c,
as that more'n once, anyway. So l sill
up to the city, aad the day before tn
convention met sent word down that
was dead. Circulated report that l.,
been killed by falling OFT ferry.boat
Then they hung the Convention hall i
black and passed resolutions of respect
and then they nominated Barney Ma
ginn.
ION the day after election 1 turne
up, and you never saw men look S
miserable, so cut to the heart, as thos
politicians. They said it was an inf;
nous shame to play it on them tina
way, and they declared that they'd ru
me for Sheriff at the next election t
make up for it. If they do Pm goin
to move for good I'm going to sa
for Colorado or some other decen
place, where they'll let a man alon,
I'll die in my tracks before I'll ever tax
another office in this county. will
now mind me!"-Mar Adele1, in Ne
York Weekly.
A Stage.Driver's. Darling.
G. S. Gathers is stage-drlver IN Col,
RADIO. A bright little girl of six summer
| 1ivao with Il; a nd oo11c b;r,, f,<1,r I'M,