The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-02-04

l
! Who always comes to ball after
midnights One A. NJ.
1t is better to be alone than To
bring up boy to play on the accor-
deon.
A California man pounded his wife.
was fined $40, and sold her silk dress
to pay the fine.
Men who travel barefooted around
newly carpeted bedroom, often find
themselves on the wrong tack.
"Haio" bonnets probably derive
their name from the exclamation Of
husbands when they see the bill.
A sensitive friend or the tooth.
ache are one or the other the most
trouble, and it is not easy 10 decide
which.
i A young mother says that you may
always know an old bachelor by the
fact Of his always speaking Of baby
as s'it."
Mark Twain says the Sandwich
Islanders are as unlettered as the
back side of tomb stone.
| A school boy spelled "sob,' and
then defined it thus: at means
when feller don't want to cry, and
1t bursts out itself.'
The time for patience is when your
hat blows off in the street, and YOUR
eyes are too full Of dirt to see which
way it goes.
| "Where do people 90 who deceive
their fellow men?" asked . Sunday
School teacher of . pupil. ITO
Europe" was the prompt reply.
If anything will impress the human
mind with awe. it is the impression
of the mans face who has just been
aroused from snoring in church.
''When | put my foot down, I'll
have You to understand said Mr..
Nojoker, 'that there's something
there" On investigation it WAS
found to be No. IL shoe.
If you want to know whether your
grandmother was cross-eyed, or
where your great uncle stood in his
arithmetic class, just run for office,
and you'll know it al.
And now comes Boston girl who
wants the new reform underoarment
called "prima," because it is the FIRST
thing to be put on.
The wedding Of Miss Spoon, !
Wisconsin belle, created quite a stir.
She will probably carry sweetness {,
her husbands lips.
81 want to engage you for two
sets ahead,' said fellow to belle
at ball. "As | can't acc ommodate
you she replied, Il shall be obliged
to give you one set back"
"What station do you call this?'
said man as he crawled out Of the
debris of railroad smash-up. "De-
station" replied the urbane con-
ductor. He had been there before.
This world would be sandy des-
ert of lonesomeness If women were
not privileged to attend auctions and
pay more for an old bureau than .
new chamber set would cost.
A Cleveland youth Of rather fast
proclivities fell in love with a par
soa's daughter, and IS q clincher 20
his claims, said TO the reverend gen.
tleman, 81 60 my bottom dollar on
piousness."
Mr.. B. Young, Of Salt Lake City,
is sick nigh unto death. Mr.. Young
is mirried man, and we have =
great deal Of sympathy for his wife,
but not enoug, TO go around.
A Leavenw orth MN toll \ lie,
and then said, 81 hope to be struck
dead If | have not spoken the truth"
He had scarcely ceased speaking
when he fell to the foor-s man
having knocked him down.
1t is said that benevolent men are
always happy. There's one in
Brooklyn who isn't. He gave his
wife $40 for charitable purposes, and
she bought SIN oking cap with it for
the pastor.
Reading the great Spurge on's
declaration that "a cigar is q thing
to thank God for,' Liberty street
school boy bought cigar. He was
afterward seen hanging over a fence,
but he was not giving thanks.
One of our ignorant rich men,
many years ago, refused to contribute
in aid of the observatory at Cam
bridge because the astronomer there
would be discovering more stars,
when there was no use for half the
stars already known.
A Boston lady took her 4-year-old
down on the horse cars, and the man
who loves children took the little one
on his knee. On the return trip the
seats were all taken. No gentlemen
moved. "Moder," said bright eyes,
saint somebody wild nossin in their
laps going to take me up?" There
was scramble for that precious one.
The Scientific american Justly de-
nounces the habit of visitors kissing
the baby. A strictly pathological
view of the subject leads to the be-
lief that the best way is to kiss the
mother, when she is young and pref
ty, and let her give it to the infant.
A Philadelphia man says that when
his wife gets up in the morning with
a jerk, and, neglecting to do up her
hair, goes silently about her work,
she is materalizing a domestic row
which before night will shake the
house to its foundations.
Pretty Salie Adams, of Portland,
brought the man she loved to the
popping point by saying TO him,
while CLEANS of love-light shot from
her half shut eyes, Il have had two
offers of marriage. The FIRST did not
please me; and, as for the second, l
i have a superstitious regard for
odd numbers"
George Elliott's idea. aSuch