Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-01-28

! Ceylon elephant" during my sojourn
| in the island. -Amsrican Homes. :
The COMING WIFE.
HOW SHE HELPS HER HUSBAND UNDER
DIFF1CULT1Es-PATIR AND sUKsH1NE.
.. She is little bit of woman, all pa.
tience and sunshine, and I'd spoil the
best silk hat that money could buy for
the privilege of lending her my umbrel.
la in the rain. ..... .
She's married and she's got an old
rhinoceras of husband. He makes it a
practice to come home tight at eleven
o'clock every other night, and has for
years, and he can't remember that she
ever gave him cross word about it.
When he falls into the hall she is watt
ing to close the door and help him back
to the sitting room where good fire
awaits him. She draws off his boots,
unbuttons his collar, helps him off with
his coat, and all the time she is saying:
"Poor Henry! How sorry I am that
You had this attack of verdigo I am
afraid that you will be found by the
roadside dead some of these nights.
"Whazzar mean by verzhigo? he
growls; but she helps him off with his
vest, and pleasantly continues.
I'm so glad you got home oil right
l hope the day will come when you can
pass more of your time at home. 1t is
dreadful how your business drives you.
"Whaz bushncss-whaz yer talking
about 2" he replies.
''Poor one, hoV hot your head is"
she continues, and presently he breaks
down and weeps and exclaims:
'1ez, zur-zic's a 'orse-wearing self
out f hast's CAMS was deadf'
Next morning she never refers to the
subject, but pleasantly inquiries how he
slept, and if his mind was clear. His
boots may be missing, and he yells out:
IVY harm thunder's my boots =
Fright here, my dear!' she replies,
and she hands them out, all nicely
BACKED up.
If she wants Dress or hat, or a
cloak, and he yells out that household
expenses are eating him up, she never
''sasses" him back, nor tells him that she
could have married Congressman, nor
declares that she will write to her moth
er and tell herjust how it is.
"That's SO, my dear, times are hard,
she says, and she gets up just as good a
dinner as if he had left her fifty five
dollars.
He may come home tight at supper
time, but she is not shocked. She re-
marks that it is an unexpected pleasure
to have him hong so early, and she pre-
tends not to notice his stupid look. He
sees three chairs where there is but one,
and trying to sit down he strikes the
floor like the fall of derrick.
"Wazzer jaw That chair way for9' he
wells. and she replies:
offs that hole in the carpet-I knew
yop would STUMBLED and she helps him
up and brings him strong cup of tea.
They do not keep servant, and when
cold weather came she never thought
of planking herself down in chair OPP
posite him and saying:
"Now, then, you'll either get up and
light the fires, or there won't be any
ighted-mark that, old baldhead,"
::No, she didn't resort to any such
base and tyrannical measures. When
daylight comes she slips out of bed,
makes two fires, warns his socks, and
then, bending over him, she whispers:
"Arise darling, and greet the festive
mor1."
He's sick sometimes, and I've known
that woman to coax him for two straight
hours to take the doctors medicine, turn
over his pillow twenty-five times, keep
a wet cloth on his head, pare down his
corn and then wish she had quail to
make some soup. When he gets into
fight down town and comes homes with
bis ears bitten up and his nose pointed
to the northeast, she inquiries how the
horse happened to run away with him,
and says that she is thankful he wasn't
killed. She has an excuse for anything,
and she never admits thas anyone but
herself is to blame about anything.
Lord bless her-I hope she'll slip in.
to heaven and never be asked 9 aues-
ton.
An Indiana man bet $1,000 that he
could ride the flySwheel IN saw mill,
and as his widow paid the bet she re-
marked: .sWilliam was kind husband,
but he didn't know much about fly.
whoo1c - 3{