The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-05-20
Taking 1t Ont in Trade.

-E n Taking 1t Ont in Trade
u BIr. Mix, the owner of marble-yard in
our place, has been ADVERTISING Regularly
in the Morning Argus for some time past.
rand the' Other day. when fhefbitl was sent
] to him, he called upon Colonel Ban Is, the
proprietor, to see him about il. The tol-
lowing conversation ensued:
/ Mix Colonel. came round to have a
little talk about this advertising bill. s
bigger'n | expected-a good deal bigger,
and as times are hard and people not in
dulging in high-priced monuments and
such luxuries, L want to see if | can {
make some kind of arrangement with y on.
IF Lcan't get you 20 take it part out in
I trade. -. -. :, -
I Bangs-Hm-m-m don't know.
Mix-Now, how'd you Tie 3 blue mar,
1 BILE dog, with bis mouth open and his tail
switched over on his ribs? I've got one
of the loveliest of those things that you
ever saw. it's a work of art. You can
almost hear him growl, he's so natural.
You ought to have marble dog. It's a
sign of cultivated taste. ItHows that a
man has a love for the beaftffuf eau
| rig him up in your parlOr, or | might
! speclle him over with paint and put him
into your front yard 70 skeer the boyS off
your grass. If you have that dog laying
| there and you stand at the door and bark,
! there isn't boy anywheres dar'st come
within forty foot of the house at night.
| Bangs-I relieve don't care for dog.
! Mix thought perhaps you wouldn't,
although pledge you my word that this
ones cot nothing the matter with him
but a few insignificant hicks in the nose:
but let me put you in Il tombstone. An
there's the thing for man of refinement
| tell you what might dO-get up glO-
rious tombstone for each member of your
family; have all the names fixed SOS you
can see how they look, and leave the date
blank. Then you can have verse of pO-
etry chiseled one ach one, and every thing
all ready just to plant over the grave when
any body dies, all comfortable and nice,
with no fuss, or hurry, or worry, whileyOur
heaIt's breaking over your loss. You
could stand them around your sitting
room, you know, waiting for the fatal
hour. Or, maybe, you'd rather I'd rig
you up family vault outin the cemetery.
I'll do it for almost nothing at all. Get it
up splendid, with your monogram on the
front, and five bins on the inside, one
marked Mortimer for you, another in
scribed with the name Of-less see, what's
your wife's first name? Emma? Yes,
Others dedicated to your boys, William
Simeon and 'HOlofernes.' It'll be q
real nice snug home for you all when
you're gone. All layin' there together,
quiet and peaceful with the storm all over,
and sickness, and taxes, and such things, |
forever past! I'll run you up sepulcher
that you'll yearn after. Now, how large |
do you measure round the chest, SOS |
can make your bin large enough? A
corpse wants room. | never fit remains
tight in family vault. You might come !
to life, and want to turn over. !
Bangs-I think | shall hardly take
vault just now. @ !
Mix-O, very well-all right. I don't |
insist. | only wanted to throw out a gen. |
teel sort of idea about it. But how are
yOu on front steps? Look here, now, / I
tell you what I'll do-you build a new |
house, with the front door in the second .
story, and I'll run you up flight of steps
that'll dance round any other steps in the
tropic of Capricorn. I'll make them ter
rifle. Perfectly splendid. PeOple'll come
miles to see them. Ihl advertise your pa
per, and we might put bust of Daniel
Webster on one side anda figger of Moses
on the other. I've gotta bust and statue of
those fellers so good that every body that
knew them says they're better than life
every body that knew Daniel Webster
anyhow. Or, if you don't want to build.
less put up row of marble steps clear
round yoGr old house. 1t would be a
staggSrtr. People are too scrimpy about
such things generally. No house with
steps all round it, taking in the woOdshed,
too, would just lay over any thing that
they've got in Venice, and not mOre'n
half try either.
Bangs-Don't want any steps.
MiX-Now, ifyou are the kind of man
take you for-culture, feeling, love for
high art and such things-I know exactly
what you do want. | can read your
thoughts while Pm talking to you. You
are saving TO yourself: "If Mix only had
4 fgger of little Samuel saying his pray
ers, and an angel looking at him, I'd rake
that Well, sir, you'd hardly believe it,
but I've got that very identical group. It's
Just lovely. Why, the women come in,
shed tears over it, and every bo ly gets ex
cited except Barney Maginn, who asked
my foreman why he turned up the angels
nose, and why little Samuel's big toe was
four inches long. Itwas made longer SOS
to keep his leg from getting loose. But
nobody minds Maginn. Now, I'll just
throw that glorious work of art away on
YOU. I'LL sacrifice it. You may have it
for the price of marble. It'll make your
boys devotional. It'll light up your family
circle. You might put it in the entry for
a kind of hat-rack, Lay your umbrella
against the angel and rest your hat on
Samuel. It's one chance in ten thousand.
Cancel that bill, and you'll find that deli
ciOus statue in the house when you get
home"
Bangs-Mr. Mix, guess I'll have to ask
for the cash.
Mix-What! Won't take Samuel, or
the steps, or the dOg,pr any thing? -.
Bangs-I think I'll have to say no.
Mix-Not even a sleeping lion with his
.ail under him, or a mantel-piece,. or
Bangs-No.
Maxwell, well. And-yOu talk about
educating the public. You want to shove
Yourself off as man of sense and learn
ng. Why, such man as you amt fit TO
write for a paper that's used for lamp
lighters in a blind asylum; you amt, in
Iced.
Then Mr.. Mix went over to the cashiers
laSly or6 r1ai6 tho hill No1. Adefer