The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-11-20
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
." Six feet in his stockings!'' exclaimed Mrs
Partington. Why Ike has only two in HIS and
can never keep em darned ut that"
The Milwaukee girl who was arrested for steal
ing pair of shoes to wear to Sunday school says
she will never try to be good again.
Master Willie (who has just been described by
visitor Such intelligent little fellow }
=. Papa has the gen 'lum brought my new bOots?'
Papa (Rho doesn't see what is cOmIng)-" Boots,
Willie? Why, what makes you ask?' Master
Willie Cause, when he came fore you said he
was a snob; and / asked Jane what snob' was,
and she said shoemaker" l5-4
A colored man, employed a deckhand on a
propeller was rushing around town yesterday and
inauiring where the polls were. Polls? polls?''
repeated n Citizen why, there IS election go
ing on now" ssThere haInt ?" (" No, sir" The
man stood for n moment looking greatly dsap-
pointed and then tursed for the river with the
remark: s''And now de programme is to find dat
sleek young man who said dey was paying six dol
lars piece for voters
CoNTRITE-A young gentleman who attended
q party in Austin a short time since, handed to 1
a isdy, with whom he was but slightly acquainted,
a motto bearing the following inscription
What perfect, what ecstatic bliss,
To print upon thy lips q kiss
The RepeiLLe says that when the young lady 8 big
brothers. number ten boot got through fooilng
around under the young gentleman coat tails he
went out into the silent air and mnrmured that
he didn't write the motto, and wouldn't kIss her
If she would hold her mouth open with silver
knife and fork and get down on her knees and beg
him to.
A ST. Paul mother recently took her fifteen
year-old daughter to a party as special favor
not that she intended the child should "come out
for some time yes. That parent was rather aston
ished to find that the little girl'' knew nearly
every society man about town, understood the
figures of the q German and could talk like
magPie.
The other day Detroit husband was reading
in a newspaper that the premonitory symptoms
of insanity were a wild look, flushed face, ,hlck
speech, &C. and he handed 10 to bis wife and re-
marked: Mary, if ever come home looking
that way you'l know what t means, and you II
know what to do" s'Yes. darling,'' she softly
replied as she laid the paper down, "Ill have an
emetic and club waiting for you." 1a Fl
A Milwaukee belle. attending theatre
eeutIy complained in one ef the scenes that the
light was too dim to the acting properly.
s'WoD't YOU try this glass?' asked her escort,
handing her his lorgnette. Hastily covering the
suspicious looking object with her handkerchief,
she placed it to her lips, took long pull and
handed it back in disgust, saying, " w ny, there
amt drop in it
They are about to have an hospital in London,
between a railway and a graveyard. Figaro
says the g situation will appeal to those on the
one hand thus -
Harki from the train doleful sound
Thine attend the cry
and on the other hand, compesitIyely, thus =
Ye living men, come view, the ground
Where you must shortly lie
Poor YoUTH.-A watering place correspondent
writes A beautiful young lady was walking
arm and arm with young man an evening or
two ago, into whose eyes she would sweetly
smile. :. Its a lovely evening, said the fair one
Yes' replied her attendant They were silent
I'D n
terday," said the beautiful young girl, as they
came round again. Z" Yes meekly answered
the young man, evidently at loss what to say.
They came around third time, and IL was his
turn now. 81 hope it will be lovely evening
To morrow said he. IS So do ], :, said she.- The
eayesdropper arose, looked off on the water, from
which the tints of the setting sun had not gone,
and wondered whether all beautiful women were
like this one.
Jaw BREAKERs-A Vicksburger who prdes
himself on his choice language was over in Louisl-
ana, and, stopping at o farmhouse to get drink
of water, the woman remarked that the crops
stood in great need of rain. So Yes, rain is the
0reat desderatum,'' be replied, as he handed the
aipper back sc Mary Maryr' yelled the wo-
man in loud tones. white-headed girl OF six
teen came out of the back room In response to the
call, and the mother continued, IS Take squar
view of him, Mary He don't look as Il he knew
enough to plough cotton and yet he just got on
n word as long as from here to the mule-pen and
back and he may be holdn' on to more Ihe
Vieksburger walked right away from there.
Chicken ON THE BRAIN.-There is certain In-
diyiduaI by the name of James Stewart, who Is
a talented but excentrie individual, and has q
weakness for chickens On one occasion being
found near pouItryyard under suspicious eIrcunI-
stances, he was interrogated rather sharply by
the owner of the premises, as follows =" Well,
Jim, what are you doing here. - IS Oh, muffin,
muffin: lest waIkin' roun''' This answer would
have been satisfactory had it not been for Jim 8
hat. This was a rather worn soft felt, good
deal too large for the wearers head, and it seemed
m have a motion entirely unusual in hats. So
the next iuauiry was" what is the matter with
YOUR hat?''s NV hat?-dat's an ole hat Sc
fond ob dat hat 50 Well. take it off, and let I
look at it, Take off dis hat? No sah q
ketch cold in my head, sartain. Always keeI
NV hat ON when I'm out o'doors.' And will
that Jim was about beating hasty retreat, when
OF his first STEP a low g kluk, kluk, klnk, wal
hoard. coming only too clearly from the region
e his headqear This was fatal, and Jim wa
) = stonned, and forced to remove his hat, when ;
81 nlnmp. half-grown chicken jumped out, ana raj
hastily away The sir with which the euiprit gazet
after il was stu-s for painter it expressed
10 uerfection, w:ider and perplexlty blendea' ou
not . tilt. Slowly he spoke, as tnoug
b~sS5Iainfng o himself, and accounting or 50 re
markabie an incident Well, 1t dat am q
Snnniest ting ebber did see Why, dat dar chick
oI,.,n mn de leo of nv pautaIO0nS,