The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-10-02
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
BLONDE HAIR.-The latest name for blonde
hair is 50 the light fantastic tow
PARTSERs.-When a man has a business that
doesn't pay, he usually begins to look around for
partner To share his losses with him.
NErER---''There are as good fish in rhe sea as
ever were caught" said an uncouth Milwaukee
simpleton to a Chicago girl who had just refused
him. '' Yes she replied, - but they'll never
bite at toad bait
FoSD WRE-.'John, . said a fond wife, en-
thusiasticalIy pointing out to her husband lit
tie shop on Main street, g when you die I'm
going 10 take the insurance an buy that little
plase an set up millinery
4 HUNBUG.-IransfusiOn of blood is humbug
IN some cases. Chicago man had a pint of
bulldogs blood conducted into his veins and
then tried to lick his wife. She laid him up for
n week.
HER REPLY.-The wife of % Max Adeler .
weighs two hundred pounds, and the Brooklyn
yon over the fence?' she replies demurely, ''No;
help the fence
How TO Do lT.-They do say that when nine
pence prints hang on dealers, hands, sousing in
dirty water and placard announcing Damaged
cambries at fifteen CENTS carries them off like
hot cake.
FAILED.-Mark Twain says Horace Greeley
once tried to make a living writing master,
and failed His copy was ~ Virtue is it's own
reward and the scholars got it, " Washing
with soap is wholly absurd.
RAILRoADs.-When they build a railroad the
first thing to do is to break ground This is
often done with great ceremony. Then they
break the stockholders. This is done without
ceremony.
FALED.-A young lady lectured on " Dress
Reform - in Springfield, recently; and she was
pulled back to such an extent that, when
she attempted to sit down at the close of her
discourse, she failed to reach the chair by over
six inches.
To PROTET.-There are mutterings of a
National Convention of dry goods dealers to
protest against the present style of clinging
dresses worn by women. The haberdashers sigh
for the good old days of hoops, when fifty to
sixty yards of cloth went into a skirt, and de-
clare that these tight dresses actually taking
the bread ont OF their mouths.
VsLUABLE PETs.-Mocking- birds are valuable
pets in family of girls. 1t has been discovered
that they can initiate to perfection every species
Of kiss, from the inspirational and devotional
to the >paroxymal. When paterfamilias here
after hears any suspicious - swee-peeps from
the parlor, Angelina will explain that it was
% only the mocking-bird. . It is said that
bird well-trained in this accomplishment will
bring $500 in Brooklyn.
CACTIOIS.-A young man from Texas stood on
the levee at Nicksburg, Miss. He was about TO
take chew Of tobacco, when he noticed little
group of men near him. '' Gentlemen" he
said, 80 want chew AS they turned and
looked at him, he continued: " Ny pouch is in
my hip-pocket and I mentioned the fact lest
you should think was about to draw my revol-
YER" Then helped himself without lodging a
shower of balls. as might have been necessary
had he net explained
MIsTAKE.-A seedy-looking individual, with
an interrogating face appeared at the back-door
of a Ramsom-street house, ut Danbury. '' Got
nothing here for you to cat, snapped the woman
Of the house 81 don't want any thing to eat"
stammered the stranger, growing very red in the
face. 50 We've just moved into the next house,
and | came over to see if you would loan me
your axe for few minutes, as mine was left at
the other house.. SO cless me! Gracious that
is-certainly,' gasped the woman, plunging pre-
cipitately into the cellar after the axe.
EAT IT ALA lumber-man, being but poorly
provided with materials of sustenance for his
men, fed them with the pork cooked with the
rind upon it. A young man of the company,
not liking that outer portion of the food,
observed by the host to be carefully removing
the outside covering. Whereupon mine host
said - Young man, we eat rind ami all here. -
To which the youth replied '' All right, old
man. I'm cutting it off for you
Notwithstanding is so uncertain as lovely
woman. One of her playful eccentricities is thus
noted in Illinois paper: 60 4 beautiful girl,
with silken curls in which the sunshine seemed
20 have been entangled and held, with mild,
loving blue eyes that opened wide in sweet sur
prise and melted in tears at the voice of distress,
and sensitive lips that trembled and quiyered
with pain at harsh word, and tender voice, soft
as the notes of flutes upon the water, got away
behind in game of croquet last Wednesday,
and when her brother caught her cheating, she
opened her mIld blue eyes in surprise and hit
him such clip over the eye with croquet
mallet that he has had to his hat pasted on
the back of his head with a wafer ever since.
Dear girl -
The Graphic London correspondent sends the
following which he vouches for quite true
s' We have in London a very curious institution
called splashing houses II snob wishes to
make it appear that he has been riding with the
fox hounds of n certain meet he goes to one of
these houses and pays three shilings at the door.
A man meets him in the hall and says: What
hounds sir? Kent, Surrey, Essex?' and on being
informed, he leads the gallant hunter to a stable
where there is q wooden horse standing in a
puddle of Kentish or other mud. The man turns
a wheel the wooden horse kicks up his heels
and in FIVE minutes the sDob is covered with
much mud as he would have gathered had he
been riding across country for FIVE hours. Then
the spasbed gone, with whip in hand walks up
Pail Mali and Picadilly, and tells those of his
friends whom he meets what glorious hunt he