Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1875-11-10
Edgings.

Light wines may make heav!
head
Hush money-the price Of fam
ily cradle.
j Il is serious quarrel that is no
condoned by new dress.
II doctors cannot get patients
they must have patience.
Never waste your time; better
waste somebody else's.
With most men life is like back
gammon-half skill and half luck.
Curses come home TO roost, bu;
no rooster comes home 20 curse.
The donkey who goes shopping
with woman must expect TO become
a beast Of burden.
When you hear man say the
world owes him living, don't leave
any hams around.
II is sagely remarked that the
man who takes too much punch
makes Judy Of himself.
When a man has a business that
doesn'tpay, he usually begings TO
look around for partner TO share
his losses with him.
The wife Of Max Adeler weighs
300 pounds. When Max asks her,
"Shall / help you over the fence p
she replies demurely, "No, help the
fence"
Barber-"Thin out your hair a
bit, sir!" Customer-No, never
mind ; my wife attends to that
Just oil it well, however"
"Heaven's Own" is the name Of a
new Nevada town where a railroad
passenger saw a woman pinning her
husband to the fence with a pitch
fork.
Burning incense, Mr.. Jones ~
said Mrs. Cloggins, as she passed
Mr.. Jones in the act Of lighting a
cigar. "No, ma'am," said Jones,
"Tm burning ten cents"
That was a little bit sad, hu-
namely speaking, when Boston
chap, with cold in his head, sang
under his sweetheart's window,
Cub into the Garded,. Bawd."
A Newark girl fastened the de-
parture Of lingering gentleman
caller the other evening by remark
ing as she looked out Of the win
dow, "I think we shall have beau
tiful sunrise"
A fashionably dressed young
woman, putting on the Flushing
touches, was heard singing, "Back-
ward, pin backward, oh. skirts in
your flight; make me look small
again, just for tonight"
Last week Pittsburgh editor
wrote: "The closer people get to
nature, the closer they are to God"
Then he obtained leave Of absence
TO go out into the country, and was
struck by lightning while robbing
an apple orchard.
Kingston girls are opposed to in
Producing the letter-carrier system
in that city. "The idea," says one
one Of them, "of having letters left
at the house. Then we can't go to
the postoffice, and won't have any
excuse for going down town."
When a Texas man says to his
wife, "Mary, there'll be company
here this evening"" she bustles
about and gets the shot gun in or
der, while he takes the shovel and
sallies forth to dig few graves.
When q youth Of ten has utilized
tho old mans plug hat to tan
rat skins in, it requires iron nerve
on the part Of the parent to stroke
the ruined article gently with his
sleeve, and murmur pleasantly,
"Boys will be boys"
One Of the Butler county, Pa,
prisoners has an ACCORDION in Jail,
and another has baby, and an in
mate OF the institution, who is
charged with murder, and who hath
no music In his soul, offers to plead
guilty II they viii hang him next
week.
Here Is an extract from q letter
written TO her lover by q Montgom-
cry, Ala, girl: "For your sake,
darling, have quit chewing gum.
Would you have quit chewing gum
'or met ] would not have quit
gum for any other person in the
whole world"
Fashionable women alwavs naIv