Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1875-03-11

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Fact and Fancy.
Trade wind-Business airs.
Shades of night-window curtains.
A heaven ON earth-The Isle of Skye.
A. side issue-W oman, at the creation.
News of the weak-Marriage notices.
Leather board-Liying at u shoemaker's.
The oldest western scttler-The setting
sun.
The best throw of dice-To throw them
away.
Home stretch--Thc stretch across the ma
ternal knee.
jaws we feel? p
The best method of constructinga dam
Without an IN"
Preferred creditors--Thosc who do not
press their bills just now.
A very sly man always stays at home for
fear of being found out.
Coquettes are like weathelcocks, only fixed
when they become rusty.
Men believe that if they know how to shoot
their pockets won't be ri1ed.
The poorest income upon which married
couple can live is income -patibility.
THE first number of the new Danbury pa
per has a letter from Gan Old Subscriber"
There is Quaker in Philadelphia so up
right that he will not sit down to bis meals.
The Lowell Courier says that General
Schenk's poker was intended only for
| country 1ireside.
MAJOR j. ". POWELL. Of Colorado fame,
! has had an offer of $40, 900 for years work
| in the lecture field.
They are calling for Crook in Arizona.
The Apaches are numbering and stealing
| again rs bad as ever.
| SHARON has yet two unmarried daughters.
And he gives his daughters 81 900, 900 apiece
when they get married.
80 tell me where is fancy bred?' sighed
the poet, and the practical boy said, ''Here,
mister, in the bake shop
| A twelve-foot vein of antimony has been
discovered about twenty miles from Cimarron,
New Mexico, on Red River.
An Ilishman who tasted ice cream for the
first time said Faix its nice, but isn't it q
trifle touched with the frost"
''He is such coward that he dare not strike
an average" was tho summing up of mild
hammered man by IN acquaintance.
JOHN JACOB AsToR tried to avoid paying a
$37, 900 of his taxes, but cruel court last
| week decided him liable. Poor John Jacob!
II allow that Job was patient, remarked
| farmer, ''but he never see determined
Shanghai hen sitting on nest full Of billed
eggs.
All women are angels before marriage,
and we suppose that is the reason why hus-
| bands so soon wish them in heaven after
ward.
! A punster being requested to give speci-
| men of his art, asked for subject 1.-The
king" 1.-The king is not SUBJECT he re-
piled.
| newly-elected Senator from Wisconsin Il
| brighter and more useful career than that OF
any of his predecessors.
A young woman association in Kenosha,
| Wisconsin, is reported to have officially re-
solved "That if the young men won't come
| to see US, we will go and see them
A young lady went to the city to see what
| was advertised as "Spcctacular drama, and
came home greatly disappointed. She says
! not one of the actors wore spectaclcs.
THE Episcopal Standing Committee has
| given it's canonical consent to the consecra-
| ton of DR.. Jaeger, Bishop elect of Southern
Ohio, and DR.. DeKoven, Bishop of Illinois.
HE tnIee new NepuO'tdn OLlteu Olttteo
| Senators from the West-Christiancy, of
Michigan, Paddock, of Nebraska, and Cam
eron, of Wisconsin, are all natives OF the
State of New York.
GENERAL TRUMBULL, heavily armed, is
! looking for the athletic proof-reader of the
Delphi M0nitor. The Generals lecture was
on 1.Irish Orators" not on ''Ilish Praties, as
| the Monitor announced.
A Milwaukee man hid in public door
way, and jumped out and kissed his wife.
She didn't whoop and yell. as he expected,
| but remarked, Don't be so bold, mister
| folks around here know me"
Mrs. Dale held hot buckwheat cake
| over her husbands countenance for several
minutes because he expressed his disapproval
of free love doctrines. ''This family must be
run on an unsecarian basis" said Mrs. d.
AT the recent meeting of the Standing Com
mittee Of the Episcopal Convention for the
diocese of Kentucky, held in Louisville,
was resolved not to consent to the cnnsccra-
,ion of DR.. DeKoven as Bishop of Illinois.
A Salt Lake inventor is getting up fast
printing machine. which he thinks will sur
pass in speed any press vet invented: 1t is
very simple in its construction, and Will WORK
revolution In the printing business.-oo"
Lake Tribune.