The Ottawa free trader., 1875-08-14


begs his tobacco, says he honestly believes Wat
terson would un iertake to write about water as
beverage
The Alton Telegraph says:
"The old penitentiary on the bluffs Is fast fall.
ing into decay. II wold now pass very wei for
the ruins of feudal castle on the banks Of the
Rhine" qa- .rsy- g-.- oqssa.
Yes, Alton is pretty much AL ruins. II
There were twelve babies in a Sleeping car
that arrived at Atlanta, Ga, FROM Montgomery,
The other day.-E1. &.rua = ao-s..-
Then it couldn't have been a sleeping car
1t now believed that Susie B. was born some
where in Michigan that being the oldest par, Of
the world
They're always glad to see a book agent in
Aurora. You can tell that the minute you read
the following item from the NaoS;
A ad-faced man is in town selling new book
entitled, " How to build stone WALL Every
place he sits down he holds a prayer meeting
Look out for him. lie can talk the shoes OF OF
mule and can whimper the set out of a saw
He's bad one on the buzz
A couple of ladies in this city have lately had
corn eating match. One got away with six
teen, the other ten ears. They are slowly recov-
ering, and the doctor thinks they will come out
all right by careful nursng.-Ef.
An Indiana lawyer elopcd with his sistern-
law the other cay, but his wife never shed tear.
She sent the law books after him; sold the furn-
iture and took the children to the circus.
The Mnonk Times congratulates itself on its
enterprise in this manner: .sr.
Last week the Times contained later news
than any daily paper In the West 1t stated that
Donaldson and Grimwood had arrived in Chica-
go and We're safe. Although many doubts have
arisen regarding the correctness of that news,
no one will doubt IL was enterprise on the part
Of the Times publisher 1t might have happened,
and consequently any publisher would have been
justified in saying 1t did. The paper will con
tinue 10 give the latest mOrsels Of news at one
dollar per year. s}- .
st. Louis has her new drinking fountain in or.
der, and many OF her citizens are tasting water
for the Erst time in years. ,.
Mother.in-law is the name of fayorlte
mixture Of ale in London. 1t is old and bitter
Jesse james, the Missouri outlaw, woocd his
bride under the disguise of a sewing machine
agent. Imagine her delight after their mar
rage in discovering that he was not quite rs bad
as lie had led her to posc.--R0chSscr Union.
An exchange says
Formerly when man got tired Of the world
he went into cave and dwelt alone, now lac ac
conplishes the same result by opening store
ana neGIecung 10 auVeFllse'
The Maine Farneer suggests that farmers, by
bniding On adjoining corners of their farms
might organize little farmers villages" which
would give them the advantage of society and
make their children much more contented
with farm life and, as q cynic observes, greatly
improve the facilities for neighborly quarrels.
Wicked Quincy! Read this: "a woman wear
rt,',D al 70, .,V,r -
awning to keep out Of the wet. Pretty soon she
noticed young man peeking at her from Il
basement wiAdow; and giving him poke in the
eye with her parasol, she said she'd show him
he wasn't looking at a barber pole"
The editor of the Danvillc Nt'cs declares the
angels are worthy OF heaten because they meyer
ask for new parasols, new bonnets, or green
backs. That editor is a minister and ought to
know what he's talking about.
The Worcester Press calls the President "a
strawberry blonde 1t isn't often that the com
plexion Of mans nose can evoke such neatly
turned poetical ambiguity as that
The local Of the Galesburg Republican is a
philosopher. He consoles himself with the re-
Iection that if it is too wet this season. it was
too ALFRED dry last year.
The Springfield Republican is confident Hora-
tic Seymour, Jr, would make satisfactory en-
gineer for the State of New York, and frankly,
but unostentatiously speaks well of his father,
John +, Seymour.
All! it is something like rest-sweet, peaceful
rest when a reporter can start for home ut mid
night and not have the women in every third
house along the way stick their night-capped
heads from the windows, and anxiousy ask
Has that jury come in yet?'-Br0oklya 1igas.
One Of the confidence fellows in Chicago the
other day stopped Major Edwards on the street,
called him by name, offered to shake hands, and
claimed TO know hm The Major merely glanc
ed at him as he passsd on, and replied, rye no
doubt you know me. / kept the penitent!ary
one year
The best way to keep man qu.e. IS 20 edu
cate him. The less man knows, the less he
thinks others know.
Aperson's scharectcr can be judged from The
way he eats watermelon The nearer he zoe:
TO the Rad the farther he is from God
You woaldnt think Outlet Gin was machine
but so il is. This is a symmetry Of parts and q
harmony OF sounds just thrown away.
Wnen man sees eat moving unsuspectins
ly along, within easy range, he win nyoluntarlll
look around for stone, however good and no
bic he may be. 81.
P. T. Barnum is out West, and the eRterprisin.
papers of that section are publishing pieiar'
of him, which gives him the appearance Of look
ing ito asewer without his glasses.
The man who owes everybody can always b
counted on TO subscribe for every new artiel
that comes along; and the more useless The al
ticle the more certain he is to have Il.
A trip 70 Europe dissipates many prejGd!ce'
stores the mind With valuable Information, AM
inspires many to eat with a fork who had neye
before been able TO get the hang Of IT,