Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-01-01
w HOLE NO. 495.
Cleanii,gs.

high-tlown speech the other day, telling
about angels tears, weeping willows and
tombstones, when his Honor said: "Con-
fine your remarks TO the dog fight"
They have people in Chicago who are
pleasantly referred to as eighteen carat
frauds" They are men who profess
Christianity and charge ten per cent COM
mission for passing round the hat in
church.
A minister asked IA tipsy fellow, lean
ing up against fence, where he expected
to go when he died. 'If can't get along
any better than | do now" said he, 81
shant go anywhere. I'll stay where
am.
Men dying make their wils-but wives
Escape IA work so sad;
Why should they make what all their
lives
The gentle danes have had Sane
A darkey preacher lining out hymn
from memory said:
Plunged in a gulf of dark despair,
1c wretched sinners-come Jut Of dar!
The advertisement of a western stone
cutter reads:-''Those who buy tomb
stones from us look with pride and salts
faction upon the graves of their friends"
Warner, in his Backlog Studies" says
there are still attempts made to bring up
family round a register" but you might
just as well try to bring it up by hand, as
without the rallyingpoint of ahearthstone
Western editor speaks of his rival as
mean enough to steal the swilla from
blind hog" The rival retorts by saying:
'He knows he lies never stole his swill."
John" said a master to his apprentice,
as he was about starting on a journey,
you must occupy my place while l am
absent" ''Thank you, sir" replied John,
I'D rather sleep with the boys
A paper askes very innocently; if it is
any harm for young ladies to sit in the
lapse of ages. 1t depends upon the ages
selected. Those from eighteen to twenty
five are cXtra-haZardous.
4 Lacrosse man who committed suicide,
wrote note for his wife which said
I'm going to country where redheaded
women are never seen She was so mad
she wouldn' attend the funeral
An impudent lawyer of New York
meeting soldier with very full whiskers
said: Il say, my dear fellow, when are
you going to put your beard on IA peace
footing:" Not until you place Aour
tongue on the civil list W., 1ncr,tort.
\ Soutl-shore Long Islander on his
first visit TO New York with his sweet
heart, seeing the punches Of bananas in
Fulton Market, exclaimed: Look there,
Sue, I'll be moved if them amt the big
gcSt beans lever seem
Talent is rewarded at Worcester, Mass.
The Spy says: Mr. Emanuel Crupi, pu-
pil of Ben L. Hammond who made such
hit at the musical festival, has opened
snug little barber shop in the Central En-
Change building"
\ Helena (Montana) divine, who has
spent the best part Of the summer in
Outstanding Chinaman thought he
was getting along nicely, until John made
proposition to him, the other day, to
put in" with Inn and start faro bank
A country paper tells this story of
new boy in one of the Sunday-schools:
The precocious youth was asked who
made the beautiful hills about there and
replied that he did not know, as his par.
ents only moved into town the day be-
fore
NJ. Fillcmont, a French scientist, de-
clares that i'll literature and art nothing
great was ever produced by a total alb
stainer. In this opinion NJ. Fillemont
will doubtless be sustained by intelligent
barkeepers everywhere. e.-LouisUiNe Cour-
Ter Journdl
/ A watering place correspondent writes
that very few bathers bathe at the West
End. wheacupon Mrs Partngton says
she "had an idea they bathed all over"
At a meeting of parish, a straight
faced and most exemplary deacon sub
mitted a report in writing, of the destitute
widows and others who stood in need of
assistance from the parish. Are you
sure, deacon, that you have embraced all
the widows:' He said he believed he
had
\ little West Liberty girl, reading the
History of England with her mother, and
coming to the statement that Ienerv l.
never laughed after the death of his son,
looked up and said, what did he do
when he was tickled:"
4 II is singular fact, but one well au-
thenticated, that an Indian never dreams.
He slumbers away like a horse and he
doesn't know what it is to dream that he
is riding out to spelling school with his
arm around the waist of the handsomest
girl in town
A Louisville papa did not seriously OBJ
iect to the proposed elopement of his
daughter with dry goods clerk. Hap
pening to get wind of the plan, he merely
lay in wait for Augustus, and sent him
away with the impression that a remarka-
BILE healthy young mule had played a tat
too with his heels under his coat-tails
An aged backwoodsman was reproved
by the clergyman for allowing his sons to
90 hunting on the Sabbath "You ought
to bring up your children in the fear of
the Lord said the minister. Fear of
the Lord?" said the old man. IS jiss
what I've don e. Don't one o them boys
dare g'wout doors Sunday thout double
barrel gun.
In hospital in Montpelier, France. is a
patient who has swallowed thermCme
ter left on his tablc, while suffering from
temporary delirium. They have great
deal of trouble with him now When he
drinks hot coffee the thermometer flies up
against the roof of his mouth hard enough
to lift his hat off, and when he eats ice
cream il gets down in his boots and worries
his curns.
\ Mississippi boatman with immense
feet stopping ata public house on the levee,
asked the porter for hootjack to pull off
his boots. The colored gentleman after
examining the strangers feet, broke out
rs follows No jack here big nutf for
dem feets ,Jackass couldn't pull 'em off,
massa, widout fracting the leg. Yuse
better 90 back about three miles to de
forks in dc road an pull EN- off dar."
An old gentleman went one day with
his gun to shoot partridges, accompanied
by his son. Before they approached the
ground where they expected to find the
birds. the gun was charged with Il severe
load, and when at last the old gentleman
discovered one of the birds, he took rest
and blazed away, expecting to see the
game fall of course; but not SO did it hap
pen, for the gun kicked with so much
force as to knock him over. The old man
rot uD and while rubbing the sparks out