The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-03-02
THE COMING WIFE.

She's a little bit of woman. all pa
tience and sunshine, and I'd spoil the
best silk hat that money could buy for
the privilege Of lending her my umbrella
in rain storm.
She's married, and she's got an old
rhinoceros of husband He makes it a
practice to como home tight at eleven
o'clock every other night, and has for
years, and he can't remember that she
ever gave him a cross word about it,
When he falls into the hall she is wait
ing to close the door and help him back
to the sitting room, where q good fire
awaits him. She draws of his, boots,
upbuttons his collar, helps him of with
his coat, aud all the time she is saying;
Poor Henry how sorry l am that
you had this attack Of vertigo! Pm
afraid that you will be found dead by the
roadside some night"
"Whazzer mean by verzhigor y he
growls ; but she helps him of with his
vest and pleasantly continues.
"I'm so glad you got hqpe all right.
l hope the day will come when you can
pass more Of your time at home. 1t is
dreadful how your business drives you"
"Whaz bizshncss-whaz yer talking
bout ?" he replied.
Poor one-how hot your head is ~
she continued and presently he breaks
down and exclaims:
"Yez zur-zics a 'orse--wearing zclf
out fhast's can-wishzi was dead 20
Next morning she never refers to the
subject, but pleasantly Inquiries how he
slept, and if his mind is clear, His boots
may be missing and he yclls out:
"Whar'n thund sr's my boots "
"Right here, my dear :" she replies,
and she hands them out, all nicely black
ed up.
If she wants dress, or hat, or
cloak, and he yells out that household ex-
penses are eating him up, she never "sas-
ses" him back, nor tells him sho could
have married Congressman, nor de.
clares that she will write TO her mother
and tell her just how it is.
That's so, my dear-times are hard,
she says, and she gets up just as good a
dinner as if he had lett her City dollars.
lie may come home tight at supper
time, but she is not shocked. She re.
marks that it is an unexpected pleasure
to have him home so early, and she pre-.
tends not to notice his stupid look. He
secs three chairs where there is but one,
and in trying to sit down he strikes the
floor like the fall of derrick.
"Whozzar jaw that chair way for T.
he yclls. and she replies:
"l', that hole in the carpet--I knew
you would stumble and she helps him
up and brings him a strong cup Of tea.
They DO not keep servant, and when
cold weather came, she never thought Of
planking herself down in a chair opposite
him and saying:
Nov, then, you'll either get up and
light the fires or there won't be any light
ed-mark that, old baldhead.
No, she didn't resort to any such base
and tyrannical measures. When day
light comes she slips out of bed, makes
two fires, warns his socks, and then bend
ing over him. she whispers
"Ari,e darling, and greet the festive
morn ~
He's sick sometimes, and I've known
that woman to coax him for two straight
hours to take the doctors medicine, turn
over his pillow twenty-five times, keep a
wet clo'., on his head,pa his corn down,
and then wish she had quail to make
him some soup. When he gets into a
fight down town and comes home with
his ear bitten up and his nose pointing to
the northeast, she inquiries how the
horse happened to run away with him,
and she says she is so thankful that he
wasn't killed. She has an excuse for
anything, and she never admits that any
one but herself is to blame about any
thing Lor' bless her-I hope shell slip
into Heaven aud never be asked ques-
tion.