The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1875-10-28
G. Sad Tale Of Autumn Mr.. Barlow Puts
Up That Stove.


Mrs. Barlow had long urged Mr. Barlow tc
/ have that stove put up. She assnred him that
there were such (lraughts in the house that the
carpets rose on the floors; that Samantha had
caught her death Of cold, and little Bertram'
lungs were congested, and the Doctors bills
would eat them out OF house and home, and
that if he had had the spirit Of man, the stove
would have been up months ago. Perhaps,
though, he expected a poor weak woman
like her To-
Here Mr.. Barlow apologetically and prompt
! ly remarked that he would tell the tinsInith
..rhe tinsmith! = replied Mrs. Barlow, with
a shulder; 1.-THE tinsmth! Come Samantha
and Bertram,'' she cried, hastily bundhng them
up in shawl, ''colne, let us go to the poor
house; your father is going 70 waste all his sub
stapce in riotolls tirsmiths.o
John Snediker Barlow, ~ she cried, address
ing herself to him, ''wliat be you thinking
of? The tnsmith would charge you q dollar,
il he'd charge you.a cent Here am, toinS,
and moing from morning till night, week in
and week out. from years end to years end,
if talk OF spending q dollar | never hear the
last of it. But you-Oh you can so and throw
away your''-
Here Mr.. Barlow surrendered at indescre-
ton and promised to put up the stove on sun
day.
Early on the morning Of the sacred day the
Barlow household was disturbed by such unac
cnstomed noise us the pounding of pipes, the
Ii sting OF SCOT, the rafting OF step Ladders,
the humping OF stoves, the suppressed swear
ing OF MIR. Barlow, and the by 20 means sup
pressed scolding OF his spouse. Finally, Mr..
Barlow got the stove up, a brick and two chips
serving for the missing leg; he erected about
five lengths of pipe from the back and supcnM-
ed about i've other length from the chimney
and ceiling. There remained but one elbow to
connect these two perpendicular and horizon
tai systems.
MI. Barlow had BY this time became both per-
spring and profaue; when the acrid SCOT got
into his eyes, which made them smart, he
had rubbed it out with his hands, which were
coverd with SCOT; he had cut his finger seven
times with sharp edges of stovepipe, and pinch
ed them seventy times seven between the Joints
Mounting chair placed on four bricils-bats,
placed on q washboard placed Oh tub, placed
Oh q table with one short leg, which wa, eked
out with q scrubbiny-brllssl, Mr.. Barlow es-
sayed for some time to tit tile elbow Mrs.
Barlow, meanwhile, stood below, commenting
audibly but by no means favorably, on his
method OF conducting operations. At last, be-
inc aggravated beyond bounds, Mr.. Barlow
rave the elbow Il sharp blow horizontally. a
Suspended stovepipe offers comparatively little
resistance, and Mr. Barlow lost his balance
L lie game iN, q GilC tdUiC SIiplCd ilO.ii VII eo
scrubbing- brush, the tub slid from the table,
the w;lshUoartl tilted from the tub, the bricks
fell from the waslboald, the chair tunbled
from the bricks, ana Mr. Baro" descended
from the chair like Lucfel falling from heav-
Ell. Forafew moments the tnospheie was illleu
with Barlow bricks, SCOT, washboarda, chairs,
profanity, t;bs, tables and shrleks; then there
was dreadful silence.
About nineteen square yards OF carpet We're
~, ,f.tat,t Z.
sight for !; llo,,sekeeper's eye. Hardly had Mr.
Barlow risen and begun to take stock OF his nu-
merous gashes and abrasions, than Mrs. Bar
lows voice rose, anxiously demanding
-'Jolstrsnedilieia Barlow, have you bent tiSas-
elbow-oute' silape?"
NO, roald Mr. Barlow, shut by the jump
ing ten-toaa Jenosaphat, | WILL" aud suit
ing tie action to the word, he flattened it be-
yonG all recognition. on the corner OF the piano
rlien ne went ont, and. drawing a revolver on
the tinslnitii, ordered him to be round by day
break on Monday, OF else.