The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1875-07-15
VARIETIES

IL Is tue sagacious remark of keen OBJ
server thatyon can generally tell newly
married couple at the dinner table, by
the indignation of The groom when fly
| lights on the brides butter.
When boy falls and peels the skin of
lis nose the first thing he does is to get
up and yell. When a girl tumbles and
| hurts herself badly, the first thing she
does is to get up and look at her dress.
Quin, the actor, being asked by lady,
why there were more woman in the world
than men, replied, 'It is in conformity
with the other arrangements of nature--we
always see more of heaven than of EARTH"
There is a Gruff old party who lives op-
posite to u church where the members of
| the choir meet twice week to practice,
aud who says if the singing effects Heaven
as it effects him, there II be no use of going
there for happiness.
A Thomas street school boy had Just got
his face Fixed to sing LET us love one
another" when SNOWFALL hit him in the
mouth and so coufus ed him that he relied:
''Bill Sykes,just do that again and II chaw
your ear off,
a good little boy on Hoyne street, aids
to clothe and feed his widowed mother By
threatning to ''peg" stones at the little
girls as they are going to school, unless
the pay him penny day. His ambition
when he grows up is 'to be a police
man.
"Now then," said physician, cheeriIy
to patient, "you have got along far enough
to indulge in little animal food, and
"No you don't, Doctor" interrupted the
patient; "I've suffered enough on your
Cruel and slops, and I'd starve sooner than
begin on hay and oats
When Alexander II. Stephens passed a
Washington undertaker's establishment.
the proprietor always comes to the door.
takes long, lingering look at the shadowy
form of the great paragraphist, and then
returns to wonder at the mysterious ways
Of providence.
A young bride,who had been fashionably
educated was asked by her fond husband to
attend to the ordering of dinner, as he
should't have time to go to market. 1t is
fact that she blandy requested the butch.
eft to send home "leg of tongue, seventeen
pounds of steak, and two halibut.
Girls should be warned of the danger
they run in marrying railroad brakemen.
An enthusiastic member of that fraternity
on being awakened the other night from a
dream of an impending crash by train,
found himself sitting up iu ed holding his
wife by the ears having nearly twisted her
head of in his frantic efforts to "doyn
brakes"
A paragraph is going the rounds of the
newspapers to this effect: There is ono
good wife in the country, and every man
thinks he has her. Old Brown, who is
bald, and whose wife has red hair and a
wicked eye, read this and murmured, as he
meditatlvely passed his hand over his
head 81 dunno | dunnol"
"Well, my son." said Detroit father
to his eight-year old son. the other night,
"what have you done to day that may bs
set down as agood deed?'' "Gave poor boy
five cents" replied the hopeful. "Ah,
ah. that was charity, and charity is always
right. He was an orphan, was he?" Il
did't stop to ask" replied the boy; 81
gave him the money for licking boy who
upset my dinner basket.
prominent citizen on Nelson street,
who is the proud rossesser Of a handsome
daughter, went home to tea, the other
evening, ard said to his wife. Mother, /
have finally succeeded in my petition for q
street lamp on our street, and it's going to
be set directly in front of our gate A
sudden scream and heavy fall sounded
from tho next room. The affrighted par
ents rushed in there. Their daughter lay
PROSTATE on the floor. She had tainted.
-DanbWy News.
According to the Boston Advertiser, as
an overloaded horse car was coming up
Susbury street, short time ago, when the
icy condition of the street rendered the
| ascent extremely difficult, gentleman
hailed the conductor from the sidewalk,
requesting him to stop the car. This the
conductor refused to do until the car reach.
ed the summit. The gentleman, out of
breath and temper also, got on the car
and addressed the conductor as follows:
''Sir, | supposed this road was run for the
accommodation Of the public" "You never
were more mistaken in your lfe,' replied
| the conductor. ats run in order to ELL
| the stockholders pockets" 'Indeed,"
said the now irate passenger, II thought
all the conductors on this road were gentle
men," "Worse than before" said the
conductor, "Do you suppose weuld run 6
horse car if was gentleman