Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1875-04-23

Last December my friend Keyser
dreamed one night that he would die on
the 18th of January. SO strongly was he
assured Of the fact that the vision would
prove true that he began At once 10 make
preparations for his departure He got
measured for burial suit, he drew up his
will, % picked out nice lot In the ceme
terry and had II fenced in, he Joined the
Methodist Church, and selected six Of the
deacons as his pall.bearers; he also re.
quested the choir to sing at the funeral,
and he got them TO run over favorite
hymn of his, TO see how 10 would sound.
Then he got Toombs, the undertaken, to
knock together burial -cesket with silver
plated handles, and cushions inside, and
he instructed the undertaken to rush out
his best hearse, and 10 buy sixty pairs Of
black gloves 10 be distributed among the
mourners. He had some trouble deciding
upon tombstone. The man at the mar
ble-yard wanted to shove off on him sec
ond d-hand one, with a stubby-nose angel
weeping over a kind of lower-pot; but
Keyser finally ordered q new one, with
design representing a rosebud with
broken stem, and the legend, "Not lost,
but gone before"
Then he got the village newspaper to
put good obituary notice him in type,
and he told his wife that he would be
gratfied II she would come out in the
spring and plant violets upon his grave.
He said It was hard to leave her and the
children, but she must try to bear up
under IL. These Affections are for our
good, and when he was an angel he would
come and watch over her and keep his eye
on her. He said she might marry again
If she wanted to, for, although the mere
thought of II nearly broke his heart, he
wished her above all TO be happy, and TO
have some one to love her and protect her
from the storms of the rude world. Then
he and Mrs. Keyser and the children
cried, and Keyser, as a closing word of
counsel advised her not to plow for corn
earlier than the middle of March.
On the night of the 18th of January
there was food In the creek, and Keyser
got up at four o'clock in the morning of
the 18th and worked until night trying TO
save his buildings and his wood pile. He
was so busy that he forgot all about its
being the day of his death, and as he was
very tired he went to bed early and slept
soundly all night.
About six O'Clock on the morning of the
18th there was ring at the door-bell.
Keyser jumped out of bed, threw up the
front window and exclaimed
Who's thereP
"Ips me-Toombs," said the under
taker.
"What In the mischief do you want at
this time of the morningr demanded
Keyser.
"Wsntr said Toombs, not recognizing
Keyser. Why, I've brought around the
ice to pack Keyser In, SOS he'll keep until
the funeral. The corpse ID spoil this
kinder weather If we didn't
Then Keyser remembered; and 1t actu-
ally made him feel mad when he thought
how the day had passed and left him still
alive, and how he had made fool of him.
self So the corpse said;
"Well, you can Just skeet around home
agin with that ice the corpse is not yet
dead. You're Just leetle too anxious, it
strikes me. You're not goin to chuck
me into a sepulcher yet, If you have got
everything ready. So you can haul off
and unload"
About half-past ten that morning the
deacons came around with Grape on their
hats and gloom In their faces to carry the
body TO the grave, and while they were on
the front steps the marble-yard man drove
up with the rosebud tombstone and
shovel, and stepped in to ask the widow
how deep she wanted the grave dug. Just
then the choir arrived with the minister,
and the company was assembled in the
parlor, when Keyser came in from the
stable, where he had been dosing horse
with patent medicine and warm mash for
the glanders. He was surprised but he
proceeded to explain that there had been
little mistake somehow. He was also
panied to find that everybody seemed to
be a good deal disappointed, particularly
the tombstone man, who went away mad,
declaring that such an old fraud ought to
be rammed into the ground anyhow, dead
or alive Just as the deaechs left in
huff the tailor's boy arrived with the
burial suit, and before Keyser could kick
him off the steps the paper r-carrier flung
into the door the NOrRiAg ArgUs, in which
that obituary notice occupieda prominent
place.
Anybody who wants a good, reliable
tombstone that has broken rosebud on
it, and that has never been used, can buy
one of that kind, at q sacrifice for cash,
from Keyser. He has not yet begun to
watch over his wife in the character of an
angel, but several times since he has
thrown fiat-irons and scuttles at her when
she ScOlded him for chewing tobacco in
the house. He has made up his mind now
to die without getting ready when his
time comes, and he has informed one of
those deacons conf1dentially that he thinks
that bad dream must have been caused by
eating too much sausage at supper.-MGG