Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-02-18
M,sceIIaneous.
3. tba Chinese.

A poor relation caro-uncie'
Something about whitewater.
The Evening Post-the lamp post.
Light wines may make heavy
head.
A rare fiower-the pink of polite
aessS
The key to an uncertain gait-whis-
key.
Collectors know when their work
is dun.
Why did Freedom shriekf Nos
ciusko fell.
Hanging is brisk, but with falling
tendency.
Spain took little Bourbon on New
Years day.
asally, what time do your folks
dineY' "Soon as you go away--thats
missus' orders"
A California man pounded his wife,
was fined $50. and he sold her silk
dress to pay the fine.
The best preparation to keep la
dy's hand ''free from chaps" is a re-
port that she has no money.
"Marry a widower! not Ip' said
Matilda. "Babies are like tooth
brushes. Everybody wants their
own"
"Is that cheese rich?" asked Bloggs
of his grocer. "Yes," was the can
did reply, "there's millions in it"
1t has been cold enough in Kansas
to freeze whiskey, and some of the
drunkards there have become solid
men.
Forty girls will run after a snob
with gold-headed cane, where one
will shy up to fellow with sound
horse sense.
The Portland Press has discov-
cred ''model hotel clerk' in that
city. Show the gentleman up to
Barnum's at once.
Michigan men don't feel as though
they had eloped if they don't leave a
wife and four children in destitute
circumstances.
The man who is kind and polite to
his mother-in-law has reached Vicks-
burg, and is an object of general GU
riosity to the people there.
Mr. Naylle, ofToronto, was knocked
down by mistake for another man, re-
Gently. He hopes they'll hit the
right Naylle on the head, next time.
A California preacher is preaching
on the best way to raise boys. We
have always found a number IA boot
about as effective as anything for
raising them.
1t is a melancholy fact that those
who declare war are never called upon
to do the fighting; if they were we
suspect there would be not the slight
est amusement of this nature
A Green Bay man thinks it very
wrong for boy to go to a circus, but
he will keep lad turning a tanning
mill ten hours, hand him five cents,
and stand and wait for the boy to
thank him.
'Tis naught when woman humbugs man,
For that's the good old style;
But, oh, mans confidence i'm man,
Makes countless thousands smile.
An advertisement for dry goods
clerk reads: WANTED, young man
to be partly outdoor and partly be-
hind the counter" 1t doesn't speci-
fy what part of the young man is to
be outdoor.
An Indiana Sunday school man
writes to Bible firm in Newly York:
"Send me on some Sunday school pa
pers and books. Let the books be
about pirates and Indians as far as
possible"
A young lady who went to the city
to see what was advertised as
Spectacular Drama" came home
greatly disappointed. She says not
one of the actors wore spectacles.
NoTristOson Herald.
Ny eyes with tears is red and dim,
Cause he loves she and / loves him;
But they'll be better by and by,
When she cuts him and he loves l."
A circuit preacher in Missouri
prayed for rain one night at farmers
house, and the farmer, who had a
horse race arranged for the next day,
was so mad that he turned the good
man out of doors.
Three sisters of Dubuque, are so
set in their temperance principles,
that they make the hired girl smell
the breath of every gentleman caller
and report the result before admit
tance'to the parlor can be obtained.
"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother"
"What is honorable, mother?' at
means that you must give him the
largest piece" "Then, mother, I'd
rather Charley should divide it,
During trial the Judge called
witness. No one answered, and an
elderly man arose and solemnly said
"he is gone" "Where has he gomez
asked the judge, in no tender tone.
Il don't know, but he is dead" was
the guarded answer.
Do they miss me at home-do they miss
me?
rTwould be an assurance most dear
To know that my name was forgotten.
As though had never been there.
To know that the tailor and landlord.
And the banks where my paper is due.
And hosts whom now cannot mention.
Had banished me quite from their
view.
Do they, miss me at home--do they miss
me?
When the market for money is tight,
And collectors in haste are pursuing
Their debtors, by day and by night?
Do the friends who once loaned ME
''fifty,"
And others who loaned me 'sten,"