Lexington weekly intelligencer. (Lexington, Mo.) 1871-1887, 1875-12-04
THE CASE OF TAYLOR.

Ia iAkSo
" look than a drifting sailor, and he
frankly acknowledged that he wouldn't
have got drunk for a million dollars i
he had known how it would make him
feel.
ssIf this had been a quiet drunk,o re.
marked his Honor, as he closely in.
spected an apple to see if a torpedo
hadn't been inserted into it, 81 might
overlook it, but you planned for a reg.
ular old Potomac .jamboree, and you
had it. You kicked a boy on the leg
you upset a peanut stand; you whooped
and yelled, and the great state of Mich
igan demands that you be bounced"
"Oh! sir, l have got a big family on
my handI"
However, l don't think they will miss
any bread and butter by missing you"
"I'n sign the pledge, your Honor"
AsToo late-too late. You were here
only ten days ago, and your face plainly
shows that you prefer whisky to good
beefsteak I'll mark you for sixty days"
"Oh! gosh! gosh! gosh" exclaimed
the prisoner.
"Be calm, Mr.. Taylor-sit down and
be composed"
81 can't-oh! let me go!"
$50 back in there, find an easy chair,
and get your hair combed up to make a
favorable impression on the driver of
the Black Maria. The decision has
been made and can't be changed"
A BROKER.
tsJohn S. Newton, what is your bust
ness?" asked the court of a big man
with a sullen look.
Broker" he growled.
s.What do you break?"
Nothing"
Then how are you a broker?"
81 buy notes and sell 'em, and dis
count paper, and so forth"
where does all this happen?"
"Home."
".Where is your home?"
s.Oh, down there"
"Mr. Newton, you were drunk last
night. While in that condition you en-
tered a grocery and fell into a basket of
eggs, abused the proprietor and tried to
pass yourself off as Prof. Tice, of st.
Louis"
.'It's no such thing" bluntly replied
the broker.
"Mr. Newton,' said his Honor, bend
ing over the desk, do you intimate that
this court is q liar?"
s.N-no."
every well, Mr.. Newton. That takes
q great burden off my mind. Now, then,
do you want four or five officers to stand
up and swear that you were drunk"
ssNo."
every well, again. The sentence is
a fine of SO or thirty days in the House
of Correction
The broker slowly counted out the
money, and as he was ready to go his
Honor said: ssMr. Newton, as you are
a stranger in town, we may never meet
again. My advice to you is to be more
civil, improve Your grammar, and drink
forty gallons of water to one drop OF
whisky"
A STRANGE DEFENSE.
"And Jerry Thomas, you are here
with the rest" said his Honor to the
next.
s.I am, Ssfir."as37Ta a1f ~
tsThat's right, Jerry, always respond
promptly to civil questions and speak
the truth when you speak at all. Now.
about that little affair last evening
Were you leaning up against the fence
because you were tired?"
"No, sir; 1 had the earache."
s.Ah-hai And did the earache induce
YOU to kick at the oficers?"
"Yes, sir"
"And to roll one of them in the mud?''
ayes. SIR"
"And to oblige them to draw you down
here in the cart"
"Yes. sir"
"Well, I'll make a law against the
earache, and under it's provisions l fine
you 80"
''You can't do it."
isBut I have done it."
!'But / won't pay!"
tThen go up for thirty days"
tBut I won't"
'.But you have already gone!"
And Bijah led him away.