The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The .Arcad;an says that the people of Cincir
natl have become so music.mad since the recen
festival that they propose changing The name G
their city to Sing Sing-ati
Colorado editors never start their papers. The
fling them to the breeze
The sixteen women who tarred and feathere'
an Iowa girl last spring have got the tar OF
their hands, but they can't wash off big law
suit for damages.
A Southern newspaper says that one might a
well try to ride moonbeam with saddle ant
stirrups, as to prevent New Orleans street ca
conductor from stealing twelve shillings out o
every s. taken in,
Perhaps one ought not TO mention such things
says the Coprier.Journal, but it's hard to keep
rom thinking how different the history of thi!
country might have been II Ulysses s. Grant
Benjamin F. Butler and Henry Ward Beechel
lad been bora girls.
In speaking Of the appointment of building
Inspector Of Chicago the Times puts it thusly
The office of building inspector and general
blackmailer was created at the personal solicita
lion AMI for the special benefit Of that notorious
hummer politician and tax eater, exAldermau
Bailey, OF the Eighth Ward. II was fit, therefore
that the mayor should appoint him to that posi-
lion, which he did last night. The Times has nc
disposition 10 dsparagc the abilities OF Mr.. Bailey
out is compelled, by regard for the truth, to say
hat he is no more lit for the position than Mike
Mcdonald is for the post Of classleade in Bro
Peck's church, or bunko- steerer for chief harp,
ist in that innumerable throng that is some day
70 gather around the throne, singing praises TO
The Lamb
At meeting Of Confederate soldiers the 9TH
CT day in Atlanta, so many were dubbed with IT,
Ties that the following appropriate resolution
was ntroduced
"ResoIyed, That the president appoint com
mittee OF one to inquire whether there were any
surviving Privates of the late war;
A Chicago prophet says the world will not last
TWO years longer. That, of course settles the
third term.
poet who saw what he had no business 10
see, sings OF the vision in this strain:
And the fitting and the rocking,
Up and down the splendid stocking
Chartered by blush ribbon
That he CHANGED to see she wore,
Showed him Ctwas q sight for weeping
That pair OF calves were creeping
out Of place as she was sweeping
Like a sanity queen before;
Calves that she had lately purchased
From fancy dry goods store;
Patent calves, and not much more
They are still fercely assaiing Gen shcrman's
book. Lewis Of the Detroit Free Press sternly|
remarks Private Dalzel is not even men
toned in Gen. Shermans book. 1t looks as II
The general wanted to keep all the glory for him
selfn
"A st, Louis man." it is said, "has invented a
cannon which throws a ball eighteen miles" He
ought to call it the Coward's Delight But what
does he want to throw ball eighteen miles for?
u Will take so much powder that we should
think it would be much cheaper to send 1t by ex-
css-Corier.Journal.
There were five sewing machine agents in
Leighton, Iowa, last week, and when the terri.
led inhabitants telcgraphed to Governor Car.
pentcr for troops, he sent back word that he
could not send any military, but would come
down and talk to the agents, When the people
beard that, the whole town just got up and
broke for the woods Burlington Hdukeyc
The Sacramento Bee announces that Geo. Wash.
ington, Mrs. Washington and their child, have
arrived at Yosemite, But, then, the Sacramen.
10 Bee is not like George Washington.
Besides making edible stews of grasshoppers,
another profitable use has been found for them in
Nebraska, The brewer. catch them and cut oil
their hopS to make beer.
New Orleans husband never tells his wife
he is going down to the post.ofiice this even.
ing" There are seven laly clerks in that iustl.
tuition.
The loss Of a set Of false teeth did not prevent
a marriage at Cairo The bride tied handker-
chief over her mouth, and told the minister to
20 aheath.n
Miss Eastman, Of Boston, speaks OF "eyes as
bright as buttons on an angels undercothing"
u is startling comparison, and the melan-
-holy part Of 1t is the suggestion that we have
got to be troubled with buttons over there,
Schenectady girl at a spelling school sat
down on "pantaoons." This happens here often
ana yet 1t never gets into the papers, VhjtehaliI
Times. You couldn't get the pantaloons OF the
editor of the Whitehall Times into quadrupelI
edition Of the New York Herald.-tarl1oW'
DfmOcrot
APenrsylvania man has eaten box Of soap
but Pennsylvania men don't know much. II one
Of them happens TO mistake his inside for his
outside, it Is an error o. the head, and not Of
the heart.
II is said that an Indiana woman was recently
struck and killed by lightning while in the act
Of shortening three pie crusts with u pound Of
iard." The lady was certainly little extrava-
giant, but We shouldn't have thought it was any
Of the lightning's business.-Co,ricr Journal
sERENADE.
] sang my love: Come down, come down
And sail the crlnkled rivcrl'
She sent 10 me skreezy frown
That put me In a culver.
,wlrled and screcled Oh, pray, my love,
Come sail the scroonchy watern
She fghtered wildly like dove,
And in my boat caught her.
We hope the President will enjoy himself at
Long Branch this summer, and not make any
more sacrifices than his health will allow.
Fifty thousand dollars a year, exclusive Of eN.
tras, perquistes and drinks, isnt much for skill.
cd talent-BoNon Post.
Half hog apiece is what the hog-crop Of this
country would come TO if divided up fairly
among us-leaying out the young infants. Any
one wishing our half hog can have IL bv merely