The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-07-15
Wit and Humor.

AN air of Importance Ones first
breath.
CHILDREN. should be seen to, not
herded. -Fata.
WHAT soup are Quakers most fond ofg
Peace soup.
WHEN sweet oil is put into a castor,
| does it become castor oil?
WHY is a penny-a-liner like hard
Judge because he abhors short SEN
fences.
"BAH," said John Henry's hopeful
to boy who wanted to whip him, ''you
couldn't lick a postage stamp"
THE Carlists recently caught man,
bathed him in petroleum, applied a
lighted match to him, and danced by the
light thereof. They had no personal
grudge against him.
A SCOTCH peddler completely cowed
an irascible Welshman, who insisted ON
fighting him in an inn kitchen, by going
down on his knees and imploring pardon
for having killed two men already, and
being about to kill another"
"GET out of the way what are you
good for e. said cross old man to a
bright-eyed urchin, who happened to
stand In his way. The little fellow, as
he stepped one side, replied very gently,
''They make men out Of such things as
we are"
THE lawyers Of New York wanted to
give Judge Pierrepont public dinner.
He declined. Such things, he said, were
mis-steak for public men before they
had been tried, and the times were out
of joint for soup-perhuities. Missouri
Republican.
A SUNDAY-scHooI prodigy, having
listened to a discourse on the necessity
of Offering firm front to the evil one,
said he could not fight the old gentle
man himself-he was not his size; but If
he had any young ones, he'd knock the
life out Of them as soon as he would
bricks.
How Boston delinquent justifes
himself "The plaintiff in this case was
insolent. He insisted on loud whistling
in my Office. Ny fingers slipped down
between his coat collar and his necktie
like chain lightning, and I let him waltz
out of my Office like July zephyr. /
await your Honor's sentence"
DER BABY.
Sohelp me gracious efery day
laugh me wild to see de way
& My schma young baby dre to play
Dot funny little baby.
Sometimes dher came little schquall,
Dots when der windy Wind will crawl
Right in its little stomach schmall,
Dots too bad for der baby.
He bulls my nose and kicks my hair,
And grawls me ofer everywhere,
Und SchlObberS me--YOt do care
Dot vos my schmau young baby.
Around my head dot little arm
Vas schqueezin me nice and warm
Oh, may dher never come some harm
To dot schmall little baby!
AFANuLY, the widowed father of which
has been somewhat afflicted with an in
termeddling of uproarious sisters-in-law,
has six-year-old girl that has ''faculty
of prayer. A few evenings since she
enumerated the objects of her supplica-
tions as follows: g God bless papa and
my governess, and my sisters and broth
er, and my uncle Sam and my aunt
Georgia, and my twin cousins, and cous-
in Julia, and all my relations, except
Maur and Jane and Ellen (the obnoxious
aunts), and the less you have to do with
them the better it will be for you"
AN ancient darkey leaned over Clay
street gate yesterday and called to the
dusky proprietor of cabin: g See heah,
Henry, isn't you about ready to pay me
dat two bits ~ Haven't muffin to pay
wild, was the reply. g You borro'ed
dat money VIII Die year ago, Horny"
continued the old man. "Can't help
dat-can't pay" "Henry, / believes
you don't want to pay; believes you is
dishonest, and I nebber ask for de
money agin; I'll leave de lord to collect
itip sShool' exclaimed Henry, greatly
interested all at once, s'You hasn't any
more money to lend on dose terms, has
We ?"-Ersb0,lge.