The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-01-29
NOT HARNESSED..
BY COL. COATES KINNEY.

the name OF mary IayIOr. Mrs. lay
lor is a good-looking and agreeable
widow. John courted Mary.
It is not important to this case, only
the truth of history would seem incom-
plete without it, that we should men
ton the number of responsibilities to
be involved in the success of this court
ship. Mr.. Harness has eight children,
Mrs. Taylor four; total twelve. A
start in the business OF husbandry with
a dozen children capital is not fools
start.
Mr.. Harness is no fool. So he did
not go fooling round. He canvassed
the situation with Mrs. Taylor, and
closed by asking if she felt disposed to
Harness for life. Mary said she was
slightly disposed.
Her four young Taylors were appro
priated round among her friends in the
east, and would not be in the way of
the eight little Harnesses exclusive
enjoyment of a step-mother. John
used honeyed persuasions. He urged
his suit, and said:
"Wilt thou, Mary ?" and she wilted,
saying:
81 will, Harness, till death do us
part Or words to that effect.
So they fixed the glad calamity
some weeks ahead. But every time
they met-and they now met fifteen
times-they fixed it earlier. If they
had fixed the last time just one day
before they did, this notice would not
have been written.
But we must not anticipate. The
wedding was finally fixed for last
Wednesday. Harness deposited trife
of currency in Judge Harper's office and
received in exchange a document by
which the state of Ohio, S.. greeting,
authorized this aforesaid John and
Mary to " trot in double Harness $50 to
word it, till death, divorce, or mutual
disgust should separate them. This
paper he took to the Rev. D. Judson
Starr, pastor of our Trinity church,
and instructed him how it was to be
used and also when.
He then gave the prospectively har-
messed widow Taylor tokens of his
affection. He bought her bonnet at
Day's-cost Sc. He made her Christ
mas gift Of 81.
Afterward he went home. He was
happy. His eight little Harnesses were
happy. There was a coming wife and
He killed the fatted calf,
speaking. There was
wild fury of preparation. There was
enormous cooking. The neighbors all
around were furnished with the full
particulars, and the old women Cos
siped about and rolled it under their
tongues till they couldn't sleep. The
young women contemplated it as a very
fat thing, and the young men prepared
COW bells, rams horns, aid such, in
tending to make Harness wish he had
never been born, to say nothing Of be
ing married.
Meanwhile Mrs. Taylor, who had all
along been an acceptable guest in a GER
tain Xenia household at a moderate
weekly stipend and her board, was OBJ
served to be in a most hilarious process
of preparation. She appeared to face
the prospect of being Harnessed to q
husband and eight children with a Sc
renity as beautiful to behold rs summer
sunshine on still waters by green pas.
lures. Not a wave of trouble rolled
across her peaceful breast. Her soul
went honeying on toward the approach
ing honeymoon with a sweetness that
made the kitchen work move along like
music. In point of fact, "all went
merry as a marriage-bell."
But a cloud arose on Tuesday morn
ing, at first not bigger than a mans
hand but before evening it darkeHed
the kitchen, and threw its gloom into
the front part Of the house, and finally
broke in tears. She could not contain
the secret any longer. She had that
morning received letter from an old
lover, long given up for hopeless, now
in Illinois, inclosing railroad pass, and
telling her to come forthwith to his
yearning bosom and be his own dear
Mary necessarily thereafter.
Mrs. Taylor cried and asked advice,
and then cried. It was not a case for
advice, however. So, all at once, she
made up her own mind. She wiped her
e3rs away and smiled in loud voice.
She decidedly said that she would not
marry John Harness. She would not be
to eight small Harnesses.
Mary declared that she would not throw
herself away in that manner, not if she
Knew herself. And she remarked that
she rather suspected that she did know
herself.
She made the last remark as if she
meant it for a joke. But she didn't
,he was in dead earnest, for by the next
(Wednesday's) train, she
and emphatically passed
away on her railroad pass, and was
'een here no more.
About noon Wednesday, John Harness
,ame prancing into Xenia. John was
dressed within an eighth of an inch of
lis life. He had on store clothes, per- |
umed with peppermint. His face
hone as if he wanted to be an angel. |
His plug hat looked inspired. His hair
vas CREASED down so close that he could |
hardly get his feet from the ground. |
-ohn Harness soul just went waltzing
n.
All cruel fate But let us not an
icipate, as before said. Mr.. Harness
approached the sacred abode of his |
dored enc. He rang. He was smiled |
nto the parlor with murderous polite
less. He was seated with manslaught- |
rous courtesy. He was told that it |
vas fine day, with blood-thirsty afa-
'ility. With ierdish gentiIity be was
to ask for his spouse. With
blaudness he was informed
( her sudden disqualification. Then
he Harness broke. He did not weep.
his kind of thing was some thirty feet
90 deep for tears. He just merely
NJ . /