The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1875-03-12

Carr Scliurz thinks the country would
be safe ifyouDg men would all get married
ana settle down. And the girls would sub.
scribe to that sentiment.
"A rather thick headed witness in the
police court was asked the question wheth
er So-and-So stood on the defensive "No.
sir" he innocently replied, che stood on
bench.n
"A Michigan paper recently closed an
obituary notice with the misouotation,
Though dead, he yet squeaketh." The
printer apparently, wasn't minding his
p's and q's.
-Schoolmaster.-Thc following notice,
written on the deor of a village school
house, would seem to indicate that the
schoolmaster is abroad: "Kea at the wooden
house necks dor"
-Forbearance is not always virtue,
even in 4 clergymen. Imagine the feelings
OF the rural divine who after getting fifty
cents for marrying couple found that the
bridegroom had gone off with his new
silk hat
How very seldom it happens said
one friend to another, shat we find edi-
tors bred to the business" 'Very," repli-
Cd the other land have you not remark
ed how seldom the business is bread to the
editors ?"
"A doctor was attending punster
who was very i'll, apologizcd for being
late one day by saying he had to stop to
see man that had fallen down a well.
"Did he kick the bucket, doctor p groan-
ed the punster.
Scene, court room. Seedy indiyid-
ual arraigned for theft. Question by the
Judge--Did you steal the compartments
coat Seedy indivieual--I decline to
crafty the morbid curiosity of the public
by answering that interrogatory.
BILLY, my boy said a short-siglted
and rather incorporate father to his son,
a bright-eyed little fellow of about Eve
summers, ibid you take my glasses ?" "No,
pa, but mother says she guesscs as how
you took 'em 'fore you come home"
-"For heavens sake, lend me S." said
destitute man to his friend II have
had nothing in my house to eat for four DAYS
but rice" "Rice y said the other; "ifI had
known you had rice would have come
around to dinner The S. were not forth.
coming.
-"Give us" says the New Hampshire
Workingman's Advocate, "the man with
brown hands, smut on his nose, and sweat
on his forehead" All right sent him last
night; also a woman with u long chin and
n wart on her nose to keep him happy
Detroit Free Press.
That cooper was most unfortunate.
though indeiiltigaby industrious. He
laborcd on for whole summer in the 10.
pairing of impossible casks and barrels
with u comparatively clear conscience bn,
when old Dobbs fetched bung hole and
requested him TO put punchcon TO it,
that cooper stepped down and out.
"A gentleman in want of n lousekcen.
or tried an odd experiment He sent nm,
two advertisements, one for lady of edn.
cation and elegant manners, qualified ia
act as companion as well as houeekeen.
er, and was overwhelmed with repIies
The only requirement in the other adyey.
tisement WAS that the lady should he Mai,
in features, but not & solitary applican,
appeared to answer that appeal,
Fiat your bread, Charles do not dips
it away" said learned and good Judgss
to one of his family, adding, "for who
knows, in the vicissitudes of this life, If
you may not some day want it." The ola
gentleman had to cough, look learned and
90 away, when the youngster answered.
more logically, "If | cat it, how can have
it when l want it ?" This is the result OFFS
learned Judge having children.
-"Why, Jimmy" said one professional
beggar to another, "aro you going to
knock off already It's only two O'clock"
"No, you mutton head" replied the eth.
er who was engaged in unbuckllng his
crutch, "l'm only going to put it on the
other knee. You don't suppose a fellow
can beg all day on the same leg do you"