Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1875-07-24


FUNNIGRAPHS. fi
The crueIest vivisection-Cutting you]
friends. The most notwithstanding
your fingers.
We read in the Bible, in the 18th chap
ter OF /. Samuel, and 10Th verse, tina
There was no Smith found Throughout
all the land of Israel"
I "A correspondent of a paper having de.
scribed the Ohio as a ''sickly stream" the
editor appended the remark, s'That's so
it is confined to its bed"
NO." said Mrs. Podgers very positive
ly, ''if 90 into the cOutry Mr.. POdgers
goes with me. This city amt no safe
place to leave man alone in"
A little child i'm W said to hel
mother one day, mother, L feel ner-
vOus. n-"Nervous!' said the mother.
..What is nervous?"-"Why, it's being in
a hurry all over"
A printers devil says his lot is a hard
one; at his clearinghouse they charge
him with all the pie they can't find, and
at the office his employer charges him
with all the pie they do find.
The following verse was once inscribed
on church in Halifax, n. S., the base
ment of which had been used as wine
saloon:
| There is aspirit above and spirit below,
spirit of joy and spirit of woe;
| The spirit above is the spirit divine,
| The spirit below is the spirit of wine.
] A man in Portland, Oregon, thought
he recognized an old friend, and proceed
ed to slap him heartily on the back and
eXclaim, Hello, old Teller, where in
hill did you come from?" before he
found out that it wasn't his friend. but
the Rev. E. Payson Hammond, the re-
vivalist.
Two good natured Irishmen, on GER
tain occasion, occupied the same bed
In the morning one of them inquired OF
the OTHER, "Dennis, did you hear thun-
der last night" "No, Pat; did it really
thunder?" Eyes, it Numbered as ifhivin
and earth would come together" "Why
then, didn't We wake me, for We know /
can't Shape when it thunders?"
Denver men are proverbially courtly
in their mode of addressing their wives
When Denver husband misses the wife
of his bosom at meal-time he does not
scream for the police, or rush around the
neighborhood asking every body if he
has seen Mary Jane. He simply prone
nades down to the auction-roOm, puts his
head through the door, and chants out
''Mary Jane, them beans is biled." And
she lifts up her whole soul and watts her
| self hOmeward.
AprOpOs of the clergy comes i'm little
| incident of last week. The Rev. Mr.. -
was strolling up Main street, entertain
ing McNary, the druggist, with his poet
ical fancies and charming conversation
| when he was suddenly seized upon the
shoulder by a half-drunken man, with
''Say, mister, is this Main street," Eyes,
responded the clergyman. swell, then
would like to. know where in h No
697 is?' MY dear sir" replied the clergy
man, II am not very we'll acquaint ed
with h, but my impression is that the
numbers do not run up so high.-Hdrt
ford, Conn.,, Letter.
An out-of-town gentleman, having
business with the cardinal, called at the
residence of the new dignitary on Madi-
son avenue, and was told by the servant
that he was not in. On going down the
street he met an acquaintance, Roman
Catholic, though not Of the highest cul
| ture, to whom he said, Il am very
anxious to see the cardinal Oh business
matter OF some importance Have yOu
any idea where L could find him?''-
Faith, l haven't was the reply; ''but YOU
needn't look for him among any o. them
rich fellows, for he is wearin' his ovid
hat" ~
Of all the freaks of the telegraph, the
following is one of the most laughable:
AyOung man, when about to start fol
his new parish, was unexpectedly de-
tanned by the incapacity of his preSby-
tary to Ordain him. In order to explain
his nOn-arrival at the appointed time, he
sent the following telegram to the dea-
cons of the church: "Presbytery lacked
a quorum to Ordain.'' In the course o.
| its journey the message got strangely
metamorphosed, and reached the as
tOnished deacOns in this shape: Pres
bytery tackled worm on to Adam" The
sober church officers were sOrely discOm
| posed and mystified, but after grave con
sultatiOn, concluded it was the minister
facetious way of announcing that he haC
got married, and accordingly proceeded
to provide lodging for two instead o.
one.
One of our fashioable ladies, having
recently gone ON visit to some friends
| in the country during the heated term
had the following delightful experience
The lock of her dressing ease got out O
order, and it was sent to the village
blacksmith to be opened. 1t CHANGED
I that during saunter through the village
with her hostess they passed the black
smith shop, when the lady stopped anl
asked the blacksmith if he had got Mis-
Blanks dressing case open. eyes
ma'am, said the ingenious villager; ebu
I'm sorry to say that in doing it I brok,
one of the bottles of brandy" Tableau
In the town of W, Illinois, live(
Deacon Wright; an exemplary membe
of the Free will Baptist church. But h,
was troubled with the weakness as com
mon to deacons as other men-that Of al
extra tillage of the ''roOt of evil" and tin
usual objection to the root spreading
The church building being in want of re
pair, such as replastering, painting, etc.
the deacon, as we'll as many others, wa
applied to, and he contributed his NIT
in conformity with the parable, at leas
as far as the mite went. One night dur
ing prayer-meeting, Elder Woodwork
presiding, a large sheet of plaster fel
from the ceiling upon the head Of Deacon
!. Wright, hurting him somewhat, blu
frightening and engaging him mucl
more. He sprang to his teet and cried
Il will give ten dollars toward repairin.
this church!' when, in solemn voice
Elder Woodwork responded, "Lord, hi
him again.
The Cost of the YriUy.