Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-01-18
NI.BS, MISFoRTUNEs.

tempting to demolish an empty -four
barrel, than the poor gentleman was
doomed to be the recipient Of far more
painful batch Of confusions.
One morning, at the breakfast table,
Mrs. Nibbs informed Mr.. Nibbs that the
grape vine was in shocking state, and
sadly needed trimming. She also request
ed him to perform the operation.
He refused.
After spirited debate, during which
the kitchen table was overturned, and
Mr.. Nibbs received a we'll buttered pam
cake square between the eyes, he finally
consented.
Graspiug the bread knife. and not
needing Mrs. Nibbs, who advised him
to attire himself in some cast off gar
ments, he sailed out into the backyard.
Grasping one of the Stats, MIR. Nibbs.
with boy-like agility, rapidly assembled
the arbor He had almost reached the
top when an accident occurred.
One Of the Stats gave way, and he fell
gracefully downward.
Mr.. Nibbs, with great presence Of
mind, clutched frantically at the sky,
but missed his grab, and succeeded in
planting his head, up to the ears, in the
grass plot. Hastily regaining his feet
he gazed searchingly about in order to
see if his downfall had been observed
by the prying eyes Of his neighbors. Yes,
his misfortune had been witnessed by
Mary Ann Moran. the servant girl who
was employed next door.
Nj. A. Ms mirth was extremely ag-
gravating to the feelings Of the unfortu-
nate Nibbs, and he seized large stone.
Stepping back several PAGES, to give I'M
petuosity to the missile, he ran with all
his might and then hurled the stone at
the humorous hand maiden next door.
Mr.. Nibbs' vengeance would probably
have been completed but for an unex-
pected interruption.
In his blind rage he failed to observe
that the clothes line lay stretched di-
rectly across his path. Consequently,
while he was at the top Of his speed,
with every muscle strained to its utmost
tension, the said line caught him direct
ly under the chin. Mr.. Nibbs few vio-
lently backward and struck the wood
house with slckening crash. The stone
fell short of the mark and went wiggling
through the back basement windows.
Mr.. Nibbs finally recovered his breath,
and gave vent to his pent emotions in a
series of new and original epithets.
Nibbs is man of great resolution,
and, nothing daunted by the sad rebufs
he had experienced, he proceeded to
mount the arbor again-this time with
much less boyish agility, however.
He reached the top again, and began
work. Everything went along swimming
ly for while. and he thought to him
self what an easy task was that of a gar
dener. His opinion was soon altered,
however.
In his ardor, Mr. Nibbs stretched his
body forward to its full extent. The slat
creaked- Mr. Nibbs, fearing that the
slat was breaking. threw himself sudden
ly backward In 50 doing, the point of
inertia was thrown without the base,
and consequently, according to philoso-
ply, Mr.. Nibbs was bound to fall.
Mr.. Nibbs was swoOping down toward
the brick walk below, like some great
bird, when large hook intercepted his
fight. The said hook buried itself into
the bay window of his pantaloOns, but
as the material was not strong enough
to bear his weight, he continued his
downward course, and finally landed.
Had Dir. Nibbs landed upon the brick
walk, we would now be writing an obit-
uary notice instead of a humorous article.
Mr.. Nibbs' wife, with her customary
thoughtlessness, had failed to replace
the cover over the well-hole, aud splash
into the we'll sailed Mr. N.
The water was very deep. and unpleas-
antly cold, and the luckless Nibbs be-
gan treading water. and mumbling,
'.Now lay me. ETC.. at great rate.
Mrs Nibbs heard the crash Of the
breaking Stats, and reached the door just
in time to sec Mr.. Nihbs disappear like
some great bull-frog into the we'll Seiz-
ing long clothes pole, she, after much
exertion, succeeded in rescuing the ill-
starred Nibbs from a watery grave.
The excitement was too much for him
and for several days he lay at the point
Of illness. expecting every moment 10 be
his next.
And now if any person wants 10 know
Just how it feels to be struck with pile
driver. just let him request Mr.. Nibbs
to favor him with brief synopsis Of the
adventures experienced by novice IN
endeayoring to perform the labors Of
gardener. especially that branch which
relates to the grating and pruning Of
/ trees and vines.
The six follies Of science are said 70
be the following: The quadrature Of the
circle, the establishment Of perpetual