The Cecil Whig. [volume] (Elkton, Md.) 1841-current, 1875-12-04
HUMOROUS.

NEW WAY TO RETAIN SUBSCRIBERS
An indignant subscriber to the Eliza.
beth, n j., News" came into the
office few days ago and ordered his
paper stopped, because he differed from
Richard La Rue in views on subsoiling
fence rails. Richard conceded the mans
right to stop the paper and remarked
coolly, as he looked over the list:
Did you know jim Sewders down
at Hardscrabble ?"
VERY we'll ~ said the man.
"Well, he stopped his paper last
week because thought farmer was
a blamed fool who didn't know that
timothy was good thing to graft on
huckle-berry bushes, and be died in less
than four hours"
Lord is that so ?" said the aston
ished Granger.
Eyes, and you know old George
Erickson, down on Eagle Creek?"
"Well," said Richard, gravely, "he
stopped his paper because 1 said be
was the happy father of twins, and
congratulated him on success so late in
life. He fell dead within twenty min.
utes. There's lots of familiar cases,
but it don't matter. III just cross
your name off, though you don't look
strong, and there's a bad color about
your nose"
See here, Mr.. La Rue" said the
subscriber, looking somewhat alarmed,
Il believe I'll keep on another year,
cause l always did like your paper,
and, come to think of it, you are .
young man, and some allowance orter
to be made" and be departed satisfied
that he had made narrow escape from
death.
THE POISONED CUP.-An actor be-
came renowned, not 80 much for his
histrionic performances as because be
would never take any medicine, and his
medical man was often obliged to re-
sort to some stratagem to impose .
dose upon him. There was a play in
which the hero was sentenced, in prison,
to drink cup of poison. Our actor
was playing this character one night
in the provinces, and had given direc-
tons to have the cup filled with wine !;
but what was bis horror, when he came
to drink it, to find it contained a dose
of SIENNA! He could not throw it away,
as he had to hold the goblet upside
down, to show his prosecutors that he
had drained every drop of it. Our
celebrated actor drank the medicine
with the slowness of poisoned mar
tyr; but he never forgave his medical
man, as was proved at his death, for
he died without paying bis bill.
~ Two persons were once disput-
ing SO loudly on the subject of religion,
that they awoke . big dog which had
been sleeping on the hearth before
them, and he forthwith barked most
furiously. An old divine present, who
had been quietly slipping his tea while
the disputants were talking, gave the
dog kick, and exclaimed, Hold your
tongue, you silly brute! You know no
more about it than they do"
eW Some people are too trusting
for this world. At o recent trial tho
prisoner entered plea Of mot guilty"
when one of the jurymen put on his
hat and started for the door. The
judge called him back and informed
him that he couldn't leave until that
case was tried. "Tried ?" queried the
juror, "why he acknowledged that he
is not guilty." Milwaukee Sentinel"
WA lady, whose family were very
much in the habit of proposing conun-
drums, was ono evening asked by her
husband in an excited tone, "Why are
all these doors left open ?"-"I give it
up" instantly replied the lady.
Wsays mamma, "why do you
draw back from our daughter as you
view herr" Says papa, "she's SO
much drawn back that 1 questioned if
l knew her."
WA Brown county editor bought
his ink by the jugful because he could
get it cheaper, and his wife went to fill
the inkstand one morning, but it wasn't
ink bv juQfnl.