The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-10-30
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
GAVE HIS CoNsENT-A Wisconsin husband
Inns given his full consent for his wife to run for
Offices, but he didn't give it until after conflict
which broke every dish in the house. ts
BEIUDDLKD.-'' say, wife, wife, what have
you done with the other leg OF these pants ?? said
old Blilkins, who, little befndded from his last
night'sspree, was trying to get into Mrs Blifkns'
pull-back dress.
WONDERs.-A contemporary wonders whether
Cane and Abel ever had the mumps or the whoop-
ing congh Very probably. Ii is certain, at all
events, that their mother had Adam.
The REAsoS.-Phiggs says his wiTe's name is
sFlOra, and that's the reason why when he gets
within block of his house at O'Clock in the
morning, he begins to feel like a night-blOoming
serious. ... 4. 81. a..
The CONSOLATION OF RELIGION lady re-
turning from improbable visit to church, de
clared that '' when she saw the shawls those
Smiths, and then thought of the things her own
poor girls had TO wear, If 1t wasn't for the con-
ISOLATION of religion she did not know what she
should do" .7 4+
A WIcKED SroRY.-They tell a wicked story
about j;oyial son that came mp to the gates of
heaven and asked admission. a. No. said st.
Peter severely, you can't get in you re not fit -
The traveller stepped back, looking the old saint
steady in the eye and crowed three times st.
Peter colored, shuddered and fumbled for his key.
" on can go IN, SAID ne IN n raS1ef snaky voice,
90 but don't do that again. "
IRREyERENT.-That was an irreverent and
ribald youth, who to his aged parent desiring to
retire from the retail trade and take government
position, said: 90 You in the post-ofhcei Nice old
party you'd be in the pOst-Ofhce. What could
you do in post-ofice except stand in the door
way with your month open for folks to wet pos
tage stamps on your tongoef
Nor ACCOUNTED FOR 1t has never been ac-
counted for, and probably never will be, why
boy who will eat four meals play ball three hours,
gorge himself with unripe fruit and. 60 IN swim
ing ak times day during all vacation and be
healthier than a tombstone, will be seized with
all sorts of maladies the very moment the school
bell rings.
WOULDN'r ECoSoNIzE-'s Marian, ;" said one OF
the horny handed of toll to his vile. pears
to me il takes sight o'caIIco ter make you a
press, these hard times. Can't yer economize
with one Of them ar pullbacks the city gals wear
Ii was then that Mariar fred the great bread
board mt him and remarked that she WASH t goin'
tn stop the circulation OF blood in her legs for
bald-headed old penny pitcher. y
TorcHISG EPIsTLE-The Iadepe1ldeHi published
the following epitaph from a tombstone I'm Chat
auque county
Neuralgia worked on Mrs smith
She worthy Methodist,
And served a crusader.
Frenis came. delighted a the call,
In plenty Of good carriages;
And comes more on than marriages.
II this sort of obituary poetry is to be written
in country towns, @. Washington Childs, A. NJ,
must look out for his laurels.
ISsPIRING-Amid the objurgations Of infnria-
ted draymen, the wild anathemas of exasperated
bus drivers, the half-smothered oaths of reluc-
tant policemen, the benevolent and intrepid Bergh
moves like n Daniel in 4 lions den- To see him
thus harrassed, insulted, and threatened, and at
the same time fulfilling the noble task he has set
"a he ky
above him. and dignity as simple as it is grand,
is a spectacle inspiring enough to make the hem
pen tail of a wooden hobbyhorse get up and wave.
PLEASANT MAN.-Some years ago the wife of
the late Professor, Mrs. Agassiz, rose one morn
inc and proceeded, according to custom to put on
her stockings and shoes. At certain stage of
this process little attracted Mr.. Agassizs
attention, and not having yet risen, he leaned
anxiously upon his elbow, inquiring what was
the matter, "Why, Professor, a little snake
has Just crawed out of my boot, said she, Only
one, my dear, replied the professor, calmly lying
down again; s' there should have been three. y
He had-put them there to keep them warm.
Pleasant man to have iu the house, particularly
to have in ones sleeping-room
GRAss wIDow-The term '' grass widow - is
said TO bea corruption Of the term - grace widow,
the former expression being merely barbarIsm.
Grace widow ~ is the term applied to one who
becomes a widow by grace of favor. not OF ne
cessity, as by death, originated in the early ages
of European civilization, when divorces were
granted but seldom, and wholly by the Catholic
Church When such decres was granted to q
woman, the Papai receipt stated, ''Vidna de
eratia' which interpreted is "a widow of grace"
In the law of the French it would read, - Veuve
de grace or "graee widow - veuye' being
translated as 50 widow"
A citizen Of this burg is in misery about his
hat The other day he hung it on hook just
hack of the closet door, which opens back against
the book His wife had occasion to rurnmage
around in the closet after he hung up his hat
As often as she pushed that door back, just SO
often wouEd It fly shut, leaving her alone with the
darkness Vexei at last with the persistent con-
trariness of the thing, she threw her weight
AGAINST it. and was rewarded by seeing the door
90 clear back and remain back. just as she wanted
20. Bntyhen the husband, a day or two later,
vent to that hook for his hat, what sight 1T
was, to be sure. EIatter than drink of ice
water on Christmas morning, more wrinkles IN
Nst than in q washbo1td, and as far removed from
INV hope of Hlefulness as n Keokuk bank. HIS
g1t = fiat- rack the next day, and now
when he goes into the house she meets him in the
hall and points out to him the folly OF going up
two aighfsiof stairs and hanging his hat behind
door IN the attic,