Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-06-17
A Patient Wife,

patience and sunshine, and I'd spoi
the best silk hat that money coul(
buy for the privilege of lending he
my umbrella in rain storm.
She's married, and she's got an ole
rhinoceros of husband. He make,
it practice to come home tight a
II o'clock every other night, and ha:
for years, and he can't remember tina
she ever gave him a cross WORD
about it. When he falls into the hal
she is waiting to close the door and
help him back into the sitting room
where good fire awaits him. She
draws off his boots, unbuttons his
collar, helps him off with his coat
and all the time she is saying:
"Poor Henry How sorry l am
that you had this attack of vertigo
I'm afraid that you will be found
dead by the roadside some night"
"Whazzer mean by vertigo ?" he
growls. But she helps him off with
his vest and pleasantly continues:
"Pm SO glad you got home all right.
| hope the day will come when you
can pass more of your time at home.
1t is dreadful how your business
drives YOU"
"What Business; whaz yer talk
ing 'bout?' he replies.
"Poor one how hot your head is p
she continues, and presently he breaks
down and weeps and exclaims:
"Yez zur-zic's a 'orse-wearing
zelf out thast's wizshhi was
dead"
Next morning she never refers to
the subject, but pleasantly inquiries
how he slept, and if his mind is clear.
His boots may be missing and he yells
out:
"Where'n thunder's my boots ?"
"Right here, my DEAR" she replies;
and she hands them out, all nicely
BACKED up.
If she wants a dress or a hat or a
cloak, and he yells out that household
expenses are eating him up, she
never "sasses" him back, nor tells him
that she could have marrind %"
gresham nor declares that she will
write to her mother and tell her Just
how it is.
"That's so, my dear-times are
hard" she says, and she gets up just
as good a dinner as if he had lett her
$50.
lie may come home tight at sup
per time, but she is not shocked. She
remarks that it is an unexpected
pleasure to have him at home so
early and she pretends not to notice
his stupid look. He sees three chairs
where there is but one, and in trying
to sit down he strikes the floor like
the fall of derrick.
"Whazzer jaw That chair way for?"
he yels; and she replies:
'It's that hole in the carpet
knew you would stumble y and she
helps him up and brings him a strong
cup Of coffee.
They do not keep servant, and
when cold weather came she never
thought of planking herself down in
a chair opposite him and saying:
"Now, then, you'll either get up
and light the fires or there won't be
any lighted mark that, old bald
head y
No, she didn't resort TO any such
base and tyrannical measures. When
daylight comes she slips out of bed,
makes two or three fires, warns his
socks, and then, bending over him,
she says:
"Arise, darling, and greet the fes-
tive morn !"
He's sick sometimes, and | have
known that woman to coax him for
two straight hours to take the doc
tors medicine, turn over his pillow
twenty-five times, keep wet cloth
on his head, pare his corn down, and
then wish that she had quail to
make him some soup. When he gets
into fight down town and comes
home with his ears bitten up and his
nose pointing TO the northeast, she in
quires how the horse happened to run
away with him and she says she is SC
thankful that he wasn't killed. She
has an excuse for anything, and she
never admits that anyone but her
self is to blame about anything. Lor
bless her-I hope she'll slip into
heaven and never be asked ques
ton.