The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-02-19
EMPORIA NEWS.
WHICH Il?


Elijah was not a vain man, vet
history relates that he was taken
up with his clothes.-Terre Haute
Gazette.
AIRS. Darlington, reading of the
strike Of the wire drawers, re-
marked: "Ah, me, what new
tangled things won't they wear
next?"
A Memphis, Mo-, medium re-
ports little Charley Ross call
hunk in paradise" He's happier
there, where Katie King can show
him all the nice things Mr.. Owen
gave her.
And now they say William Penn
would sit down under a tree with
Indians about him, and, telling
them Of the better world beyond
the sea, deal himself four aces and
via the game.
Reading the great Surgeons
declaration, ga cigar is a thing to
thank God for" a Navy Yard
school boy bought a cigar. He
was afterwards seen hanging over
a fence, but he was not giving
thanks.-Wash. Chron.
A colored gentleman went to
consult one of the most "high-
toned lawyers in Boston, and af-
ter stating his case said: "Now /
knows you's lawyer; but / wish
you would please, sar, jiss tell me
the truff' bout dat matter"
pretty bad under foot, to-day"
said one citizen TO another, as they
met in the street the other day.
Eyes, but it's fine overhead" re-
sponded the other. "True enough"
said the first, .'but then very few
are going that way"
"Now then" said a physician,
cheerily. to patient ''you have
got along far enough to indulge in
a little animal food, and "No
you don't Doctor" interrupted the
patient; "Pve suffered enough on
your cruel and slops, and I'd
starve sooner than begin on hay
and oats"
When Alexander III. Stephens
passes a Washington undertaker's
establishment, the proprietor al
ways comes to the door, takes q
long lingering look ut the shadowy
form OF the great paragraphist,
and then returns to wonder at the
mysterious ways of providence
Bklyn. Argus.
Girls should be warned of the
danger they run in marrying rail
road bsakemen. An enthusiastic
member of that fraternity, on be-
ing awakened the other night from
dream of an impending crash by
a train, found himself sitting up
in bed, holding his wife by the
ears, having nearly twisted her
head of in his frantic efforts to
"down brakes"
An old lady in town has be.
come Disguised with almanacs.
She says if all the people in the
country were to stop buying al
manacs, "maybe the printers who
make 'em would put in some total
eclipses Of the sun and moon, and
some transits of Venuses that
would be visible here" Norris
town Herald.
stranger, will you try hand
with us at poker? "Thank you,
gentlemen, but there are seventeen
reasons why l cannot accommo-
date you now" Seventeen rea-
sons for not playing cards? Pray,
what are theyY "Why, the first
is l haven't any money" "Stop!
that's enough; never mind the
other sixteen"
1t is hard winter, but the price
of ostrich tips continues panicy-
or rather, there is always a panic
in the house that cherishes a de-
sire for them without realizing
from it. When the question comes
up "Bread or feathers?' it is a
good deal as it was with the boy
when asked which of his demands
was the most imparative-"Never
mind the shoes dad" he replied,
Il must have the breast-pin r'-
Norwich Aurora.
A gentleman was looking into
the window of a toy store the
other day, when two boys halted
and one remarked: "Say, jim
don't you wish we had ten cents
to buy present for poor lame sis,
terT Jim replied that he did, and
the gentleman pulled out a shin,
plaster and said he was glad to be
able to assist them in such :
praiseworthy enterprise. He met
the same boys half. an hour after
ward, and each had his pockets
stuffed with popcorn balls.-De