Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1875-03-17
.JunlbIeS.

They say il takes 81 dishes, eacl
containing some different Wand, t.
supply the dinner table of the Sui
tan of Turkey. Why in thunder
couldn't he make it an even hun
dredl
The Detroit Eevening News says
at takes SIS to buy an banker.
chief large enough to blow Mary
Mapes Dodge's nose with" Wha'
SANDER If the News don't get
sued for libel, then we have nc
moro faith in woman suffrage. The
News should remember, that Susar
B. is the only safe female that viii
stand "press" fire without flinchinG
or crying "libe" vile man.
Charity in Philadelphia cant
hold a ndle with crime in Detroit
In Philadelphia charity box, that
four ladies had engineered whole
wear 70" the beniflt of the "poor
heathen.' Was found to have just
four cents ID it when opened-the
four ladies looked at each other
like a young thunder storm. In
Detroit the people paid their police
sS,70l.29, for one months services,
and they amt q bit proud oil it
either.
They say Mrs. Van Colt saves
one soul for every ten miles she
travels. If she would come up
here, she would save n soul every
two feet and not half try.
If any of our citizens had died
during the past cold weather, aud
they had gone where the wood
vine twineth not, nor the summer
bird his swee' songs sings, they
would have found the contrast
rather disagreeahle, and their last
niclklc would have gone, willingly,
for an icicle.
According to the News, an Iowa
man has invented a shovel that
will pick mp snow drift as big as
an iceberg and throw it over a
hill, and then spit on its hands and
attack the hill. One hundred of
them shovels wanted in this place
Immediately.
The report is current, that, out
of 800 men who attended q Can-can
in Kansas City, GOO were bald
headed. What bully place for
wig-makers and missionaries. But
after all why cant old age enjoy
the Can-can without having them
newspaper men making remarks all
over the country.
Olive Logan in letter to Har-
per's Bazaar condemns extravaganza
in dress. Olive is right, but if she
could see our rig, she wouldn't
have anything to say about ex-
travagance.
There is a girl in Florida called
neuralgia. We don't see as Flor
ida has any reason to be proud
Of it, for we have lots of that sort Of
thing up here that would he quick
ly traded off for q broken-winded,
heave-afflicted saw-horse, and no
shoot" demanded either.
An editor wrote, says the Bay
City Chronicle, "the first duty a
man owes his country is to stand
by its constitutional rights" 1t
appeared as follows: "The fist duty
a man does his counting is to stride
in continental tights" The editor
has been looking for that compost
tor ever since with q double-bar-
relied shotgun, and nothing will
appease his anger, except he can
give the coroner job.
The New York Heard calls the
Force bill "a midnight assassination
of liberty" What the dickens is
our country coming too, when Lib
erty can't take starlight ramble
without getting assassinated and the
Centennial just at bandi But then,
that young Bennett always was a
cuss at getting out classical QUO
tations."
Bijah, M. Quad's right bower,
would do for the next candidate
for the Presidential chair. When
Ils,oh folls fhox,. a. -. Al,