The Valley Virginian. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1865-1895, 1875-02-18
STANTON VIRGINIA. THURSDAY FEBRUARY Is. 1875

! A tea set-tile Chinese.
| Twisted hemp cures feloas.
| 4 poor relaton-a carb-uncle.
| Something about mils-water.
The Evening Post-thc lamp post.
Light wines may make heavy head.
| A rare fower-tlle pink of politeness.
Ihe key to an uncertain gat-whis-key.
Collectors know when their work is dun.
Why did Freedom shrek? Kos-ciusko fell.
Haagngis brisk, but with falling tendency.
Spain took little Bourbon on New Years
day.
sally, what time do your folks dne?' ''Soon
as you go aWay-that's mssus' orlers.''
California man pounded his wife, was fined
500, and he sold her silk dress to pay the fine.
The best preparation to keep a lady's hand
'free from chaps is a report that she has no
money.
'.Marry wilower not | !" said Matilda
sBahes are like tooth brushes. Everybody
wants their own.''
rs that cheese rich?' asked Blosgs Of his
grocer. Yes" was the candid reply, s'therc's
millions in it,
1t has been cold enough in Kansas to freeze
whiskey, and same of the drunkards there have
become solid men.
The American journal published in Paris by
the dentists, is filed with good extracts, all ac-
compiisAed without paying
Forty girls will run after snob with a gold
headed cane, where one will shy up to a fellow
with sound horse sense.
The Portland Press has discovered = s:model
hotel clcrk'' in that city. Show the gentleman
up to-Barnnn's at once.
Michigan men don't feel as though they had
eloped if they don't leave wife and four chill
dren in destitute circumstances.
The man who is polite and kind to his mother
in-laW has reached Vicksburg. ad is all object
of general curiosity to the people there.
Mr. Maybe, Of Toronto was knocked down by
mistake for another man. recently. lie hopes
they'll hit the right Maybe Oil the head, next
tima.3
A California preacher is preaching on the
best way to raise boys, We have always found Il
number II boot about as effective as anything
for raising them.
1t is melancholy fact that those who declare
war are never called upon to do the fighting; if
they were. we suspect there wotiltl not be the
slightest amusement Of this nature.
A Green Bay man thinks it very wrong for Il
boy to so to crcas, bu5 he will keep i, lad
turning fanAii g mill ten hours, hand him five
cents, and stand and wait for the boy to thank
him.
lis naight when woman llnmbugs man,
For that's the good old style;
But, oh, mans confidence in man,
Makes countless thousands smile.
Sooner or later, justicescertainly oyertahcs
the leader of q country brass band. A bridge
came along and struck one on the head the 9TH
er day, as he stood on the top ofan Erie freight
traiL
= An advertisement for a dry goods clerk reads:
sSfvanteli, Il young man to be partly outdoor
and partly behind the COUNTER It doesn't
specify What part OF the young man is to be
outdoor.
An Indiana SGnday-scilool man writes to a
Bible firm in New York: Send me on some
Sunday -school papers and books. Let the
books be about pirates and Indians as far us
possible"
A young lady who went to the city to see
what was advertised as ''Spectacular Drama,
came home greatly disappointed. She says not
one OF the actors Wore acles.-Norristomn