Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-07-08

/ tington. Eleven simon pure grass
widowers. And ten ofthem are a.
miserable as twenty ordinary men.
| But you bet their wives are enjoy
ing themselves. Ia fashionable now
for wives to part from their husbands
during the summer months. And
as result its expensive, no matter
ifwife is spending the summer months
with the old folks. New outfits 10
astonish old acquaintance, cost Like
blixen, you know.
Hubby always dresses carelessly
when wife is away. It's astonishing
what a great length Of time be can
wear a shirt.
When wife is at home he changes
three times each week.
When she's away. one shirt per
week is the average. And vet the
grass widower says to his chum I'm
happy as lark.
When at the same time he is con.
scious of telling an untruth.
How can he be happy when sew,
ing on buttons.
What does he know about thread.
ing needle Just observe him jab.
bing at the eye Of a No. 2 needle
with piece ofNo. 80 cotton.
Then watch him at work upon
that button. He doesn't know the
use of thimble, and as a conse>
quence, the head of that delicate
piece of steel is forced into the end
of his thimble finger.
Then it is that he cusses terribly
And wishes that his wife was at
home.
But it is not then that he wishes
the most for her.
He can worry out the day at tho
store very we'll.
But when night comes, there's the
rub.
To retire to bed directly after ten
would indicate insanity.
No, he tries the pipe or cigar at
the front door.
And finds morsel Of comfort
while watching the blue wreaths OF
smoke.
But when the tobacco is outhe falls
to thinking.
And the first thing thought Of Is
his wife.
And he mentally CALCULATES, "wons
der if wife is thinking Of meI"
"Wonder if she met that jim
Sanks.
(Jim Sanks was hated rival in
courting days.)
He lives in the same village where
wife is visiting.
But of course, she will not allow
to come to the house.
But for an excuse, he might call
upon her mother.
Guess wife has been away long
enough, I'll write and tell her W
come home.
Another of the disconsolares keeps
stiff upper lip, writing to his wife
that he is getting along finely keep
ing house.
He says, however, 81 miss you great.
ly."
In forcible, but not refined Ian
guage, you bet he misses her."
He prepares his own meals.
And has wagon load OF unwashed
dishes in the dining room and kitchs
en-.
When second load accumulates
he will take his meals at the hotel.
Building fires for breakfast worries
him.
1t rained Sunday, and the kind
ling in the yard was forgotten.
As a consequence, the wood burn
ed badly on Monday morning.
But it smoked beautifully.
So much SO that the neighbors sup
posed the house was on fire.
And when they called upon him
his eyes were distressingly red.
Looked az if he had been on JAM
boree the previous night.
He explained matters, and tho
neighbors were satisfied.
But oh hoS he did cuss that kind
ling.
Washerwomen also worry the grass
widewers.
Of course hired girls never remain
in the house when missus is on visit.
The linen OF the widowers present
the appearance Of smoked pork.
A streak OF lean denotes the dirt
and the fat the original color Of the
goods.
Then again, washerwomen are
mortal enemies to shirt buttons.
A married man can cuss superbly
under buttonless shirt.
In fact it raises his choler.
Then his socks, how he darn, those
holes.
Darns them IN more ways thau
one.
Not in the style Of Chesterfield,
but in more emphatic manner.
Just about this tine be actually
wishes that his wife would come,
and wonders if she is going 10 stay
away all summer.
But she's enjoying herself you
know.
One of the eleven widowers is hap
py in his bachelorbood.
He frequently visits Guyan and
passes for q single man.
And female Guysn is none the
wiser.
He is also partial to the grass wid-
ows of Huntington.
When he is found out, raw hides
will be active.
IL .--~a. ~r,1nx--