South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-04-09

fully forward and requested the clergy
IMAM to give out the hymn:
''This Is the way I long have sought"
DUMBFoUNDINe INPUDENcE.--A resi-
dent of the sixth ward has been missing
wood from his pile for several weeks
past, and the other night he watched and
caught negro loading up big armful.
Springing out, he cried:
'.Ah! Ia I've caught you, have I?'
lis dat your" asked the negro as he
dropped the wood.
Yes this is /, and / want to know
what you are doing here"
"Doin' heah?
Yes, SIR
You, see dis yere wood-pile, don't
your" inquired the darkey.
"Yes, do
well dere's new family moved into
dat shanty over dar, and i don't like
dere looks one bit. 1 believe dey'd
steal wood quicker'n lightning, and i
cum over to warn we. If We miss any
wood don't say L didn't tell we what
kind of folks dose are
And he walked away, leaving the man
dumbfounded.
UAt printers festival, lately, the
following toast was offered: women
Second only to the press in the dissem.
ination of news" The ladies are vet
undecided whether to regard this as n
compliment or otherwise.
GARDEN PATCHEs.-One Of Boston's
best known merchants noted for his
shrewdness and penetration, had test
case presented short time since, and
came off victorious. As it is an illus
tration in this millionaire's penetration
in great business affairs, we give the sto-
ry here:
1t appears that the merchant wanted
another gardener upon his country es-
tate, near Boston, and an individual pre-
sented himself for that office.
understand the business?"
yes, been in it for years."
Whom had he lived with last? The ap-
plicant mentioned gentleman the mer.
chant was well acquainted with, stated
that he left for no fault, but that his for.
mer employer was going to Europe, had
sold his estate, and had no further use
for him.
What wages do you expect?"
Eighteen dollars n month"
This was astonishing low for such a
promising-looling, sober man, and the
shrewd business man rubbed his chin
thoughtfully and reflected that it was a
bargain lot, but wasn't there something
wrong about it?" His habitual business
caution even in this comparative trifling
negotiation did not forsake him.
Call tomorrow at this time, and
VIII have seen Mr.. , your former
employer, and give you an answer
The gardener turned and began to
walk slowly away; as he did SO he dis
played two patches on the seat of his
pantaloons beneath the line of his
roundabout jacket.
"Hello here ! come back here" call.
ed the merchant. you needn't applv TO.
morrow; see | shant want YOU
The astonished applicant stammered
out something about his knowledge of
gardening and good character, but was
cut short by his practical observer.
Don't want you, sir; the patches on
your breeches are on the wrong side; n
gardeners breechcs ought to be patched
ut the knees, not on the seat You won't
do for me. "-BoStoR Bulletin.
Bound TO SING.-Brother Glover was
pretty big man in n certain old Connec-
ticut village. He would swear a little
sometimes, but when he subscribed five
hundred dollars toward rebuilding and
refitting the old church, that special act
of charity covered multitude of sins.
Brother Glover had big voice. There
was no time, tone or tune in il, but he
beloved as he pleased in church SING
ing. When the new church was finished
1T had to be dedicated, and choir was
carefully trained TO do the singing
Brother Glover was not one of the choir I
and the intention was to rule him ont
of the vocal exercises.
The choir had carefully rehearsed n
new dedicatory hymn, & everything was
ready for the interesting ceremonies
The church was crowded. and Brother
Glover was in his place in n front pev
as large as life. The new piece was
struck up, and Brother Glover's voice
rose loud above the organ. There was
apause. The organ and choir were mptc
and the latter mad. The minister look. /
ing Mt fly on the ceiling, explained that
1t was new piece which the choir alone
had practiced, and requested the congre. /.
CATION to join in the singing
The piece was recommended. and n. /
gain Brother Glover's big voice broke il |
up. The preacher then fixed his ewes ON /
Brother Glover and requested him TO
keep silent during the performance of.
the new piece, which he did not under. /
stand, and Brother Glover. looking at
ms beloved pastor with his big round
eyes, replied in n big voice:
"Look-a-here, Mr.. Barnhart. paid FIVE
hnndren dOllara tnMnrda rnr.n iri.,.. -. |