Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1875-04-14
VOL. 7O.-3574. NO. 26.

trouble. His mind was sea Of solfre.
prOaches and accusations of others. and COM
plants against his luck, d" and fsuit-Rndino
with God. lie was 10 uncomfortable nat
he couldn't sit still but paced up and down
the room so nervously that the squire called
TO him 10 stop making q quarterback Of
that little chamber and that there was
i" room enough 10 stretch his uneasy legs out
doors" Simon took the hint and retreated
10 the barn, where he walked up aud down
the length Of The building, bearing no sound
but the motions Of the cattle in their stalls.
Indeed, he did not hear this long. 80 COM
pletely did he lose himself in his troubled
thoughts. I'm brute and liar" he
would sometimes say savagely 10 himself,
and then he would turn the tables by saying.
After all. I'm no worse than other folks"
At one timc, he would start up with almost
determination 10 try and be "A Christian"
and one moment later, he would laugh at
himself for being so foolish % 10 suppose he
was going to give up his leadership among
the boys and ego down on his knees to fel-
lows like Harry Ames,' lie had settled
IL " good many times after this fashion,
but it wouldn't stay settled. The Thought
kept coming up oVgh to begin o new
life" =" Well, tomorrow" he said 10 him
self, very decidedly, tomorrow. | viii"
" No, SOW, said q small voice within him.
Simon was euraged lie had never been
baiiled so completely. lie could make any
small boy who nsulted him " shut up " very
easily, but conscience he could not sthe.
You ought to be different and to begin
now" the monitor persisted. "Well, will"
he cried aloud, and for a moment felt a sort
Of relief, AZ if he had gotten rid Of a vexa-
tious subject. Then yon must apologize
TO Harry Ames and BOBBY Ben, and quit
Blum's company, and '-"Oh, dear" cried
Simon aloud, again. I won't neither"
Well. take your choice" said the unseen
visitor again, rs if about 30 give the matter
up, " God will not save You unless you do
something 10 show You want 90 De saved
There then calnc upon Simon a feeling Of
alarm which he had ncvcr before expert
enced. lie saw that to decide one way was
TO choose wickedness and all its consc-
quences lie had never been much moved
10y the solemn warnings Of the preacher, but
now they came upon him in full force. lie
had never dreamed it possible that the
thought OF he'll could be 50 terrible. lie had
a he'll Of torment within him already. lie
seemed to see himself sinking from one de-
gree Of misery to another, without prospect
Of help or rescue. His fertile imagination
intensified the inward conflict. His memory
seemed unnaturally active and brought up
all his past sins, even some that he had
never thought Of as sins. lie was actually
frightened and was obliged 10 own il. lie
looked suddenly round in the dark, as if
afraid that some one was witnessing his
humiliation. He started mp as il bound TO
shake off some powerful enemy that had
fastened upon him, but sank again, bodily,
Nl... II. 8
soul, crying. What shall / do 2 " just
then the verse that Harry Ames had stumbled
over at the Sunday-school came to his mind.
81 Let the wicked forsake his way and the
unrighteous man his thoughts, here there
was pause answering TO llarry's hesitation
in the class His way and his thoughts to
forsake them, thought Simon. " Yes, |
would do that if it were Of any use" he nut
tered bitterly, as if it were all Gods fault
that he had not done it before. And let
! him return unto the Lord -" that's the
same thing" he thought for q moment, and
then added, "perhaps it's more-but I'll do
it at any perhaps-return unto the
| Lord, and he will have mercy upon him, and
to our God, and he will abundantly pardon"
" That's what | need" he cried, " abundant
| pardon Why don't God give it TO me "
Ask, and We shall receive" came suddenly
into his mind. lie shrunk back from the
thought. lie had never prayed in bis life
at least not since he left off +" saying his
prayers" as his scarcely remembered mother
had taught him to do. lie could not--did
not know how--did not wish 10 commit him
self 10 do it always--tried every way to sat
isfy himself that he could end this struggle
without prayer. But the more he tried TO
hide his sins and his misery from himself
the more he decided to be n Christian
without Christ, the deeper he sank in per-
plexity and alarm lie would one moment
fancy he could fight down these evil fancies
in some way which would save his pride or
not bind him to utter dependence upon God,
aud the next moment he would be lost in
despair at the impossbility of being for
given. II was dreadful struggle but after
a series of evasionS which made his sin ap-
pear only more enormous after vainly irving
10 make himself new person by resolves
which he knew he had broken many times
before, he gave up trying altogether; :" Lord,
help me, or lm lost he cried, with feel
ing that this was last refuge, and willing
ness to submit to anything and to perform
everything which the words implied.
As Simon afterwards told his sister,
Peace came right away. Jesus seemed
lovely that minute. almost thought | saw
him look down upon me from the cross and
say, Thou shalt be with me in paradise"
1t was long after midnight when he reused
himself from his happy thoughts to realize
where he was, and that even newborn souls
live in bodies that nfed sleep. His sister
had supposed him in u own room, but had
not knocked at his door, seeing no light, and
remembering the mood in which she left
him. As for the squire and his sister, they
never troubled themselves about the where
abouts Of their charge if they could help it.
SO Simon found way to get into the house
and crept to his room, where, for the first
time in life, he knew what ii was to mediate
with Joy upon Gods word in the watches of
the night.
ITO nE coSrnrEDJ