Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-03-11
P0rter'S Fall.

DANBURY and Detroit are not the only
cities where ludicrous events happen to
demure and wellmeaning men. Collier
vile produces an item of interest of the
same kind so frequently related by
Messrs. Bailey, Max Adeler and Others
Some days ago Mr.. Porter, who does
business on the east side Of the public
square, but little more than a stones
throw from the depot, had occasion to
visit Memphis, and prepared himself for
going upon the mail-train which passes
there at 9:15 each morning. Becoming
deeply engaged in discussion with
seme of his friends as to the propriety
Of taking ladies to the approaching
Mardi Gras, he was startled by the shrill
whistle almost at the depot and the train
moving rapidly. The little negro boy
had only shined one of Mr. Porter's
boots and taken the other off his foot
for the same purpose. No time was to
be lost, however, as the train is allowed
but one minute at station, and Mr.
Porter, pulling on his boot, ran out hur-
riedly and made good time toward the
train. 1t was one Of those cold, windy
days about the 1st of February, and, as
if to aggravate the uneasy Mr. Porter,
off went his hat and ran like thing of
life quite distance up the street in an
opposite direction from that its owner
would have desired. 1t would not do to
90 off with no hat, so Mr.. Porter regained
the same with some delay, and made
faster time trainward than ever. Now
this fast speed made matters worse, for
Mr.. Porter, stepping upon a brickbat,
which turned, fell full length upon the
ground. Just then a countryman's horse,
which had broken from the rack on the
approach of the train, came running by,
which caused those who had not seen
Porter's fall to say: "Porter's
horse has thrown him" Others
cried out, "Catch Porter's horse"
Mr.. Porter was obvious to all
this, and rising up made again for the
train, which by this time was steaming
loudly and beginning to move. Mr..
Porter thought he could make it, but
knew it would take good speed. The
new platform at the depot over which he
must go, unfortunately, is so flat that
after a rain nearly half Of it remains
covered with water about one-fOurth
inch in depth. On this occasion the keen
winds had frozen the standing water in
to sheet of ice. Mr.. Porter would have
gone around this but for cotton bales
that had been laid on the dry places. He
pressed intently forward, therefore, re-
ceiviDg no drawback on account Of the
ice until he had nearly crossed over,
when both feet slipped from under him
in the easiest possible manner He sat
down as gracefully as anyone would
have done under the circumstances, but
the descent was so forcible he broke
through the ice-breaking space about
the size of a wash-tub. Here ne came in
contact with the coolest water he had
ever felt, just underneath the ice, which
caused his uprising to be about as rapid
as his down sitting. After this he walked
leisurely to the train. presenting a ludi-
crous appearance, with mud on coat and
pants at some points, and water on his
pants at other parts. His remarks re-
minded his hearers of all the heather
deities, and also of the old gentleman
who tempted Eve, when he found the
train referred to was only gravel train
that had run in upon the side track to
await the arrival Of the mail train.-L0u-
IsvGHe C0u'Ger-J01t171Gt.