The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-01-05
. ALL SORTS.

The greatest can but blazo and pass
away.
Hobby.horses are dearer than Arab
steeds.
What barber mustn't do-Lathcr
his wife.
Something to boot Lightning.rod ped.
dlars.
A good kick out Of doors is better than
rich uncle
Journeymen tailors in China receive
two cents per day,
The worst kind of education-To be
brought up by policeman.
To poor man with large family,
glory is Of but little account.
A wise man may keep bis own coun.
sci consequently has no jobs for strange
lawyers.
A minister says, Don't peddle out
this sermon to other people, but take it to
yourself"
A Green Bay woman who weighs $50
pounds insists that she is " somebody's
darling"
Halo " bonnets probably derive their
name from the exclamation Of husbands
when they see the bills.
The young King of Bavaria threatens
to abdicate, but he'd better not. Stua-
tions are scarce now. - Detroit Free
Press.
A Dutchman describes New Workers
as berry fine peoples" who &" 90 about
der streets sheatipgl each oder, and dey
call dat bizzness"
1t must make a man feel mean to pay
an old debt because be thinks he is going
to die and then have the doctor pull him
through all right. ~
That farmer understood human nature
who said, " ! you want to keepsyour boy
at home, don't bear too hard on fhe grind
stone when he turns the crank"
An Illinois debater " had 'em when
he arose and said " Yes, gentlemen,
Waterloo was the biggest kind of fight,
but Washington whipped 'cm like wink
A CoviDgton man died and they put
him on ice, but he awoke in the night aud
yelled out, Why don't you put some
more wood in that stove - Detroit
Free Press.
A wicked man 10 Davenport, being on
his death bed, wished to consult some
proper person regarding his future state,
and his fiends sent fire insurance agent
TO him.
An agricultural paper says that kind
words will cure a COW Of kicking, but
many prefer the old way of mauling the
critter with a fence rail until her heart is
broken.
Toledo papers announce that there is
plenty Of work in that city, but carefully
conceal the fact that said work is sitting
on bench in front Of a coal stove and
wishing it were spring.
Mr.. B. Young, of Salt Lake City, is
sick nigh unto death. Mr.. Young is a
married man. and we have great deaf
of sympathy for his wife, but not enough
to 60 around - N'town Herald.
When a boy is sitting on the sunny.
side of horse barn, waiting for his faith
er to come and i lick - him, you might
,alk astronomy to him for four straight
hours and not excite his interest.
snored so loud that the police Thought it
was horse a groaning." We should
like to know what the police were doing
awake that time Of night.-[Nlil. Sent.
An Indiana man bet SO that he could
ride the Ay.wheel in saw.mill, and as
his widow paid the bet she remarked :;
William was kind husband, but he
didn't know much about hy-wheels. 3"
A man whose wife hung herself in his
presence, on being asked why he did not
prevent the tragedy, replied cut her
down three times last week, and | can't
always be cutting her down.
There are thirty or forty different
kinds of religion in this country, and it
worries the celestial entry clerk immense
ly to have people tumbliug into heaven
in such singularly assorted lots Brook
lyn Argus.
A Lowell mill girl the other day said
, to director who wished her to consent to
a reduction Of wages Z" Before I'd do ii
I'd see you, and your whole graspin set
in To.phi.et, pumpin thunder at three
cents clap
A New Hampshire family has used ole
stove for twenty eight years, while De-
, troit man has kicked three to piece,
| within a year. Some men, as soon D:
Z. they get little down-hearted, 90 for ttC
y cookstovc right away.
1 Said New Yorker to his wiIe-"Hav,
D you heard of that new decision of thu
q Boston courts" mo, what is it p
e 'Why, that if woman lends money tc
her husband she cannot get it back.
y "Hunph, sneered the wife, that's moth
If ing new.
Vt Says the Rome Sentinel "A Christ
y mas artist put one sweet-faced nader
D with halfpicked turkey at work by
g table at which another dear angel wa
t rolling out dough. This may be artistic
It but it is fatal to that neat division o
e bread from feathers, without which Christ
D. mas dinners arc but snare.
= = "Strapger, will you try hand with II
u , at poker ?" Thank you gentlemen, bu
! there are seventeen reasons why caDno
y accommodate you now" Seventeen rea
Z sons for not playing cards? Pray, wha
- - are they ?" Why, the first is | haven
2 any money" "S.op, that's enough ueN
II II er mind the other sixteen
. Bonner, of the New York Ledger,
:. responsible for much of the prevailin
g. distress. For years young people hay
n been reading his dclusivc romances an
- his advice to marry young, and now thel
- are thousands of people with large fam