The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1875-01-16
THE COMING WIFE.
How she Helps Her Husband Under
observation-disclosures and SUN.
shine.

Que y lIltle Dlt OF woman, ~
patience and sunshine, and I'd spoi
the best silk hat money could buy
for tho privilege of lending her my
umbrella in pain storm.
She's married, and she's got an
old rhinoceros Of husband. He
makes il practice to come home
tight at eleven o'clock every other
night, and has for years, and he
can't remember that she ever gave
him a cross word about it. When
he falls into the hall she is waiting
to close the door and help him back
to the sitting.room, where good
fire awaits him. She draws off his
boots, unbuttons his collar, helps
him off with his coat, and all the
time she is saying:
"Poor Henry How sorry l am
that you had this attack of vertigo
l am afraid that you will be found
dead by the roadside some night.
"Whazzer mean by verzhigo p he
growls, but she helps him off with
his vest, and pleasantly continues :
"Im SO glad you got home all
right l hope the day will come
when you can pass more of your
time at homo. 1t is dreadful how
your business drives you"
"Whaz bizshness-whaz yer talk
ing bout?" he replies.
"Poor one-how hot your head
is n she continues, and presently he
breaks down and weeps, and ex-
claims
"Yez zur--zic's wearing
zelf out fhasts wishzi was
dead p
Next morning she never refers to
the subject, but pleasantly inquiries
how he slept, and if his mind is
clear. His boots may be missing,
and he yells out:
"Whar'n thunder's my boots?"
"Right here, nay dear" she re-
plies, and she hands them out, all
nicely blacked up.
If she wants dress, or u hat, or
a cloak, and he yells out that house
hold expenses are eating him up,
she never "sasses" him back, nor
tells him she could have married a
Congressman, nor declares that she
will write to her mother and tell her
just how it is.
That's SO, my dear, times are
hard, she says, and she gets up just
as good q dinner as if he had left
her fifty dollars.
He may come home tight at sup
per time, but she is not shocked.
She remarks that it is an unexpect-
cd pleasure to haze him home so
early, and she pretends not to notice
his stupid look. He sees three
chairs where there is but ona and
in trying to sit down he strikes the
floor like the fall OF IL derrick.
"Whazzer jaw That chair way
for?" he yeIlR, and she replies:
"lt's tint hole in the carpet-l
knew you would stumble |" and she
helps him up and brings him n
strong cup Of tea.
/ They do not keep servant, and
when cold weather came she never
thought of planking herself down
in chair opposite MIN. and saying
"Now then, you'll gei-up and light
the fires or there wont be any
lighted-mark that, old baIdhead: "
No, she didn't resort to any such
base and tyrannical measures.
When daylight comes, she slips out
of bed, makes two fires, warns Eia
socks. and then, bending over him,
she whispers:
"Arise, darling, and greet the
festive morn p
He's sick sometimes, and I've
known that woman to coax him for
two straight hours to take the doc
Lor's medicine. turn, over his pillow
twenty-five times. keep n wet cloth
on his head pare h's cprns down,
and then wish That she had Il quail
TO make him Suin" soap When lie
gets into 81 fight d ,wn town and
comes home with his ears bitten up
and his nose pointed to the north
east, she inquiries how tho horse
happened to run away with him,
and she says she is so thankful that
he wasn't killed. She has an ex-
cuse for anything, and she never
admits that any one but herself is to
blanle about anything. Ior bless
her. hope she'll slip into Heaven