The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-01-15
THE COMING WIFE.
How She Helps Hec Husband Under
Observation-Disclosures and Sunshine.
From tie Deto oft Free Press.

She is little bit Of a woman, ali patience
and sunshine, and I'd spoil the best silk
hat that money could buy, for the privilege
of lending her my umbrella in rain storm
She's married and she's got an old ihinoea-
ros of a husband. lie makes it a practice
to come home tight ut II o'clock avery
other night, and has fer years, and he can'5
remember that she ever gave him u cross
word about it. When lie fails into the hall
she is waiting to close the door and help
him back to the sitting room, where good
fire awaits him. She draws off his boots,
unbuttons his collar, helps him off with his
coat, and all the time she is saying
''Poor Henry )Iow sorry am that you
had this attack of vertigo am afraid that
you will be found dead by the roadside some
night"
"Whazzer mean by verzhigo o. he growls;
but she helps him off with his vest, and
pleasat1y continues
''I'ni so glad you got home all right. [
hope the day will come when you can pass
more Of your time at home. 1t is dreadful
how your business drives you"
"Whaz Dizziness - whaz yer talking
'bout?' he replies.
'Poor one--how hot your head is y she
continues, and presently he breaks down
and weeps and exclaims:
''Yez zer-zic's a 'orse-wearing zelf out
fhat's can-wishzi was dead p
Next morning she never refers to the sub
ject, but pleasantly inquiries how he slept,
and if his mind is clear. His boots may be
missing, and lie yells out
''Whar'n thunders my boots ~
''Right here, my dear!' she replies, and
she hands them out, nicely BACKED.
If she wants a dress, or a hat, or cloak,
and he yells out that household expenses
are eating him up, she never 'sasses" him
back, nor tells him that she could have mar
ried Congressman, nor declares that she
will write to her mother and tell her Just
how it is.
''That's so, my dear-times are hard"
she says, and she getsup just as good y din
ner as if he had left her fifty dollars.
He may come home tight at supper time,
but she is not shocked. She remarks that
it is an unexpected pleasure TO have him
home so early, and she pretends not to no
tice his stupid look. He sees three chairs
where there is but one, and in trying to sit
down he strikes the floor like the fall Of a
derrick.
'Whazzer jaw That clair way for ?" he
yells, and she replies
''Its that hole in tie carpet-I knew you
would stumble p ard she helps him up and
brings him cup Of strong tea.
They do not keep q servant, and when
cold weather came she never thought OF
planking herself down in chair opposite
him and saying: NOW, then, you'll either
get mp and light the fires or there won't be
any lighted-mark that, old baldhead Y
No, she didn't resort to any such base
and tyrannical measures. When daylight
comes she slips out of bed, makes two fires,
warns his socks, and then, bending over
him, she whispers Arise, darling, and
greet the festive morn y
He's SICK sometimes, and I've known that
woman to coax hiul for two straight hours
to take Gle doctors medicine, turn over his
pillow twenty-five times, keep vet clotl
on his head, pare his corn down, and tber
wish that she had quail to make him some
soup. When he gets into a fight down
towa and comes home with his ears bitter
4. up and his nose pointed to the northeast
she inquiries how tile horse happened to rui
away with him, and she says she IS 50 thank
ful he wasn't killed. She has an excuse
for anything, and she never admits that any
one but herself is to blame about anything
Lor' Iless her--I hope she II slip into heav
en- and never be asked = question.