Alpena weekly argus. [volume] (Alpena, Mich.) 1871-1893, 1875-03-31
.JuInbles.

WIN VIC iich ciioAA IN dOWh VIII
= the jackass; when subscribers viii
pay for their newspapers in al
o vance when editors will be out o.
! debt and the printers devil car
o afford new suit of clothes; when
t the mud-turtle shall saunter peace
fully through the reedy marshes
: with a chicken-hawk; when the
the heather shall be no more when
: the Republican will cease talking
about Southern outrages, and when
: the Beecher and Tilton case shall
: be settled, but we do not believe
the day will come when members
of the Homeopathic and Allopathic
societies will eat peanuts and
tripe together in peace and quite
ness, or a woman quit searching
her husbands pockets for nickels
or love letters.
When a woman bursts into tears
how does her husband get her to-
gether again. The propounder of
this question will be rewarded by
a first class orbituary and hand
ful of old exchanges.
The eternal gratitude of our
"devil" will be given to any person
who will bring him a pair of spec
tacles for the eyes of a potato.
What a divine blessing that
Beecher and Tilton case must be
to the New York editors! Half
:, dozen columns of fresh matter
amt to be sneezed at.
Colorado .,ud New Mexico have
been admitted as States. 1t doesn't
say in what state they were admit
ted. 1t might have been in state
of drunkenness, or state OF rap
piness, or state of anarchy. The
last is probably nearest the truth.
The Brooklyn Argus says Gen.
Sheridan was horn on ship-board,
and the Detroit Free Press in re-
on it says the Argus has
10 excuse to offer for his not Icing
thrown overheard. Surprising he
lad, would whale have been
Granted him so that he could go
% New Orleans and proclaim the
inhabitants banditti!
The Bay City Chronical has been
about publishing the full
ext of the Beecher and Tilton af-
air. 1t would have been able to
'low to more Advantage if it hadn't
any part of it.
Mark Twain owns stock in
factory and no doubt
WINS controlling intererest in d
God many Of them "marks of i'm
mortality" The time is coming
vhen he will only own one, and he
Ton't be particularly proud of it l.
ither.
The editor of the Oregon Noun
ain Sentinel is willing to take q
ew tons of oats for subscriptions.
lie will be lucky man, and much
nvied by his brethren of the press
he gets it. In this part of the
ountry we are willing to take any,
hing in exchange-from having q
Doth pulled up to bottle of pa
ent medicine. Linburg cheese "a "a
efused. Nj
We would like very much to get
few embellished ornaments for
lain speech. y
The News insinuates that Mar
hall has red-headed editor. Now
it have been more respec-
able to the quill driving fraternity,
he had said marshall has an
ditor whose seat of wisdom is sur
lounted by radient clusters Of
ln-tinted auburn locks"
Brooklyn sticks up its nose at
s surrounding sister cities. 1t
eedn't get so stuck up, for the
me is coming when it will be Il
orry that Elizabeth sat on Henry's
nee. I
Some newspapers seem to think
nat the paragraph in the Philadel- :
hia Ledger, about a male child =
eing born whose parents were
ged respectfully 20 and 80 years, y
a little beyond the bounds of
elief. We don't see anything to
e incredulous about, for If pre- Z
edents are of any value, we would
Ike to ask those doubters how old
as Adam and those other respec-
lble ancient grangers when their
rst-born arrived.
The Bay City Chronicle states
nat there is young lady in that