The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1875-08-06
MISCELLANY
ABOUT ASTRONOMY-T PROFESS
SOR INaHLSs GLORY.

rather than take q look through this tel
Escape and bring the beauties of heaven
within one and half miles Of your
eyes z"
The appeal vasBtoo much for ono yourg
man to resist. He was 4 tall young man
with long face, high cheek bones, and
anxious look. He locked at the ten cents
and then 1t the telescope, hesitated for
single minute, and took his seat on the
STOOL.
"Hereis young man who prefers to
feast his soul with scientific knowledge
rather than become a serdid, grasping,
avericious capitalist remarked the as
tronomer Is he arranged the instrument.
Fall back, you people who prefer the
paltry sum Of, ten cents to = view Of the
gates Of p.-adisc, and give this noble
young man room!'
placed hisseye to the instrument, : cloth
was thrown over his head, and the as
tronomer continued:
''Beho'd the bright star of Venus! A
sight of this star is worth thousand dol.
lars to any man who prefers education to
money!
There was an instant of deep silence,
by gosh!"
stood behind him and knew that the
telescope pointed at the fifth story of a
building across the square, where dance
was in progress.
"Al Of them indulge in ordinations
ofadmiration as they view tho beauties
and mysteries Of nature" remarked the
astronomer. Young man, tell the crowd
whc5 you see."
Il see Teller hugging girl !" was the
prompt reply-'durned if there isn't q
dozen of them!"
And yet," continued the astronomer,
''there are sordid wretches in this crowd
who hang to ten cents in preference to
observing such sights as these in ethereal
space. Venus is millions of miles away,
and yet by means Of this telescope, and
by paying 10 cents, this intellectual
young man is enabled to observe the in
habitants Of that far-off world hugging
each other just as naturally as they do
in this !" - =.
The instrument was wheeled around to
bear on the tower Of engine.house No Z,
five blocks away, and the astronomer
continued:
Behold the beauties and the wonders
Of Saturn! This star, to the naked eye,
appears no larger than silver half:dollar,
and yet for the paltry sum of ten cents
this noble young man is placed within one
"By Jerusalem and coons!' murmured
the young man as he slapped his leg.
''Tcll me what you see, my friend"
II see two fellers in q small room,
smoking cigars and playing euchrc - was
Saturn is S6,ooo,ooo of miles from
this town." continued the astronomer,
and yet the insignificant sum of 10 cents
has enabled this progressive young man
to learn for himself that the celestial
beings enjoy themselves pretty much as
we do in this world. I venture to say
that there is not a man in this crowd who
ever knew before that the inhabitants OF
Saturn knew anything about euchre or
had cigar factories.''
The instrument was changed again,
and as the interest of the crowd increased
and the people began to press nearer, the
Professor said:
'Now, behold the planet Mars, the
second largest planet in the heavens. 1t
is 75,46l 1854 miles from here, and ap.
pears to the naked eye to be nothing
more than bright star, and yet let this
young man tell young man tell you what
he sees:''
"Whetstones and wheffletrees !''> ex.
claimed the young man.
"Tell them-tell them, my young
friend. what you see," urged the astron.
''There's Teller sitting on bench be.
side girl. l saw him pinch her ear, and
she hit him with book. Darn my but.
tons, but she's ALFRED purity"
''Gentlemen, I'm no blow-hard," said
the Professor in husky tones; Il do not
want to say what this telescope can do.
You have the word Of one of your fellow
townsmen, and do not believe that anv
Of yon will dispute him. l have been
called aswindler, gentlemen, because 20
around the country tearing away from
astronomy the veil Of mystery with
which so.called professors, drawing
heavy salaries, seek 20 cover it. For the
ridiculous sum of 10 cents l am giving
the public more astronomical knowledge
tn half IN hour than any college professor
lean give you in six months. I demon.
strate to you that the planet of Mars is
not only inhabited by human beings, but
by beautiful girls with red hair, and bv.
stylish young men wearing the best kind
Of store-clothes.'
Once more he wheeled the instrument
around. This time it got the range of
the upper story ola tcnement.house on
the hill. The young man had scarcely
taken g lance through the tube when he
yelled out:
:, "Great guns! But what planet is
this?'' =.
"You are now looking ut Uranus.'' re.
plied the Professor. ''Uranus is 97,5O2,.
304 miles distant from the earth. and yet
I warrant that it doesn't appear over 80
rods away to you. Will you be kind
enough, my friend, to tell this crowd
what you see?"
"Give it to him! Whack him back
Go in, old woman = shouted the yonng
man, shaping one leg and then the
other.
"Speak up, my friend. What do you
see 7" ..'lE: /
"That's it Got him by the hair now
I'll bet fifty to one that she'll lick!''
"Won't you be kind enough, my
friend, to tell this crowd what you see r.
"Whoop! that's it; now she's ct
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