The true northerner., 1875-05-14

The best of fasts-Fast asleep.
The best headquarters-Bra
A LORD of the aisles-The usher.
WHAT is the form of an escaped par
rota A polly-gone.
In Tonga Tabou only the sterner sex
is allowed to wear false hair.
In culling the flowers of poetry, no
one should miss Cullen Bryant.
A CLOSE observer says the words which
ladies are fondest of are the first and
last words.
"THE vilest sinner may return, wrote
pious girl to her lover, with whom she
had parted in anger.
THE chief reason why Dayton woman
wouldn't buy a Bible was because the
agent hadn't one containing any cOmi
pictures.
A cRUsTY bachelors objection to la
dies with beautiful teeth is, that
nine out of ten of then would laugh at
a funeral.
WHEN the evil one is going to and fro,
and up and down over the earth, can we
doubt that he is improving 9-BostOn
Advertiscr.
WHEN a man has carroty hair, reddish
cheeks, turn-up nose and n sage look,
may he not properly be said to have a
vegetable headl
THIS conundrum is respectfully sub
mitted to the best speller To Sioux
| g, L 4
spells side, why doesn't s-i-o u x-e-y-e-
sighed spell suicide
A FRIGHTFUL example First degree,
lemonade with stick in it second de-
gree, brandy smash and port wine third
degree, bourbon, brandy, old ale, gin,
rum and apple-iack fourth degree, all
kinds every time ; never say no.
THERE is one section of railroad in
the State of Indiana that has become
famous for accidents. Recent investi-
cation reveals the curious fact that
there is not q mother-in-law i'll the
State unprovided with a free ticket over
that road.
coSDENsE.
wHEs writing an article for the press,
Whether prose Verse; just try
To utter your thoughts in the fewest words,
And let them be crisp and dry;
And when it is finished, and you suppose
1t Is done exactly brown,
Just look at il over again, and then
Boil it down.
FEW days since very pretty young
married woman, during n dinner table
discussion on churchmanship, opened
the eyes of the company and demolished
her husband by expressing, as her opin-
hot & ha hot
the Ritualists aud Romanists was in
the fact that the latter burned insects"
Mr.. l.. II. CARLYsLB, New Orleans
actor, was recently engaged by an ANA
teur dramatic association at Kirksville,
Mo-, to help them bring out Richard
IU." Mr.. Carlysle has nova deep scalp
wound seven inches long inflicted by the
maiden sword Of Richmond, an untanled
amateur named Dick Picker, who "got
excited and identified himself with
the character"
A STRANGER entered one of our
churches last Sunday evening, and
and walked the entire length of the
aisle without any person offering him a
seat, so he started out. AS he neared
the door a man rose and asked if he
wanted a seat. "No," replied the
stranger, 81 came merely to look
around. I'm going home now, and he
went. t.-Franklin Comm Citizen.
A ScoTcHwoMAN, whose name was
Margaret, did nothing but swear and
abuse instead of answering the minister.
cay, Margaret, says he, dinns We ken
were a the sinful gangl" "Deil TAX
them that kens as weel as them that
speers," cries she. cay, Margaret,
they gang where thereIl be wailing and
gnashing of teeth" by my from,
then, says Margaret, "let them gnash
that haze them, for dell stump have 1
had for these twenty years."