The Highland weekly news. [volume] (Hillsborough [Hillsboro], Highland County, Ohio) 1853-1886, 1875-07-29
ODDS AND ENDS.

A USEFUL thing in the long-run-
Breath.
ACCORDING to an indianapolis NJ. D., a
person died of "spazzams."
KEEP your name and address about
you during this season of sunstrokes.
No coward, or deserter, or laggard,
ever won a victory in the battle of life.
IT is not right, but the man with the
least mind has the greatest trouble in
making it up.
THERE is nothing so effective in bring
ing a man up to the scratch as a-healthy
and high-spirited flea.
INVENTORS of the Keely motor are
springing up all over the country, but the
prospects of its success are remoter than
ever.
1T is a very old saying that when
thieves fall outhonestmenge get their dues"
Like many other sayings, it has no foun-
dation in fact.
THE man who will borrow lead pencil
and return it to the owner unasked, is
the kind of man we want at the head of
our government.
THE gardener who hung an old coat
out to frighten birds away, and after
wards found young brood in one of the
pockets, wants another remedy.
New ORLEANS Republican: Compared
with the quantities of pianos practieed
on mornings, the number of suicides is
very small at this season of the year.
"FoR want of water" said an Italian,
" am forced to drink water; if had
water / would drink wine." He kept a
vineyard and the drought had killed his
vines.
Four doctors tackled Johnnie Smith,
They blistered and they bled him,
With squills and anti-bilious pills
And epicac they fed him
Tney stirred him up Eith calomel,
And tried to move his liver;
But all in vain-his little soul
Was waited DER the river.
Our in Rocky Gulch, Nevada, there
was plenty of murder, robbery and gar
roting going on, until one night the citi-
zens hung up eleven men to a hickory
tree, and now you can leave your clothes
out nights.
CUSTOMER want mourning suit.
ShOpman-What is the bereavement,
may ask? CustOmer-My mother-in-
law. Shopman-Mr Brown, show the
gentleman the light afiiction depart
ment.
A GENTLEMAN adyertises his willing
ness to exchange cork leg for revolver.
This is the nearest approach to the old
law of retaliation we have seen for
long time. 1t isn't an eye for an eye, but
it's leg for an arm.
"FELLow-TRAvELERs," said colored
preacher, 'ef had been eatin' dried ap-
pies for week, and den took to drinkin'
for mont, couldn't feel more swelled
up dan am at dis mint, wild pride and
vanity at seein' such full tendance
h'yar."
MOST temperance lecturers waste their
breath telling us that it is very unhealthy
to drink, but DR.. Dio Lewis proves con-
clusively that the thing most destructive
to health is eating. We shall soon have
lecturers around preaching total absti-
nence in that respect.
The Count de Grasse was once wounded
in the knee with musket ball. The
doctors cut and hacked and made many
incisicns, when, getting out of all pa
tience, the count asked why they cut him
up so much. 'fWe are seeking" said
the surgeon, " for the ball" "Why didn't
you mention that before? l have the
ball in my pocket"
He wrote and told her he would be
around at eight o'clock in the evening,
concluding his note with the following
couplet:
with breath sweet roses,
Thou'it breathe upon me, love-"
And she coldly answered: "You'd better
not come. We had onions in the soup
to-day"