Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-06-16

He lef the spelling bee at 10 O'Clock
and stopped in q saloon on his way
home. Here he met several friends who
"set IN up" divers times, and he reached
home about midnight with confused
brain and a very demoralised pair of
legs. Then he swore that somebody had
stolen the keyhOle; but his wife, with a
fearful scOwl on her brow and lamp In
her hand, admitted him. "Drunk"
she exclaimed. ''D-r-u-n-c (hic) drunk.
THAI easy nuff." "Brute~ "B-r-o-c-t
(hic), give us harder One." "Idiot :"
"Tharz harder (hic), but l ken spellum.
I-d-I-d-g-I-d-i-g-t, Idiot. Now give
us sumner (hie.") She picked up a
poker and gave him a "stunner," and
the spelling bee adjourned sine die.
The st. Louis Globe man who writes
about fires thus discOurses of cOnfia
grafton in a milliner's shop: "The
flames crowded through the door and
started in for fun. They tried on spring
hats and jumped upon the chairs and
tables to admire themselves in the mir
rOrs, Then they dashed hither and
thither among the laces and embrOideries
feeding on ostrich feathers till they be-
came blOated, and then trampled the
beauties from out the flowers until, in
all the wreck Of matter, they were left
the only bright things"
A CONAN was trying to brush some
cob webs down from the ceiling the
other day, when her husband came i'm.
Snow, Matilda" said he, "you know
you can't brush them cob webs down as
well as l can. You should call me
when you wish anything of that sort
done. Give me the broom now, and
will give you a lesson on cob web sweep
ing. So saying, he seized the broom,
chair and went for the cob
webs. But it all ended i'm three broken
panes Of glass, a fall over the wood box
and sprained back.
A Sudden Stop.-Some of the company
spoke of the excellence of the honey,
the head of the house, who
stands i'm reputed dread of his wife,
feelingly observed:
''HOney is the most delicious of delica-
cies. 1t is the nectar of beautiful flow
ers, slipped from the brilliant petals by
the never-tiring bee, and moulded into a
glory that would tempt the God Of
"Ephraim, enunciated his wife, with
stern sOlemnity, "have you been drink
ing again?" Ephraim grOaned.-Ddn-
bury Ners.
The other day New York lady went
to pay her respects to one of the latest
arrivals on the list of babyhoOd, when
the following eolloquy took place be-
tween her and the little fOur-year-Old
sister of the new conner: II have come
for that baby nOw," said the lady.
''You can't have it," was the reply.
But l must; came over on purpose,
urged the visitor. "We can't spare it
at all" persisted the child, .'but III get
a piece of paper and you can cut out a
PATTERN"
Domestic Ecoaomy.-"How much to
telegraph to Chicago?" inquired a citi-
zen of African descent at one of the
offices yesterday.
"Fifty cents" was the reply.
"ThunderatiOn, is dat fact!" ex-
claimed the colored man. "My ole
powerful bad off, and she
wants her sister to come along right
smart, but l guess I'll have to make de
mail do. Dat forty seven cents extra
II buy heap oh Sunday meat"
A Frenchnaan said to an American,
'F'ere is Won word in your language |
10 not comprehend, and all We time l
hear it, tattletOO, tattletOO-vat yOu
means by tattletoo?" The American
insisted that no such word exists i'm
English. While saying so, his servant
,ame in to put some coal on the fire,
when he said "there, that'll do" The
jumped up, exclaiming ::
'F'ere, tattletoO-yOu say him yourself,
'are; vat means tattletOO!"
The other day, a Peoria woman, want
ng some lead to stop hole in the wash
,oiler, set copper revolver cartridge on
he stove to melt the bullet. She says
he was just STOPPING over it when the
came along. When she
.rOws old and has to wear spectacles, she
will only need a pair with one glass i'm
hem, as one of her eyes went away
With the earthquake to look for the
ransit of Venus.
In an English Sunday school, the
vicar's daughter, who was very proud
# her Bible class, inquired of one of her
pupils in smOckfrOck, how the Queen
;heba came to Solomon: He replied,
BY the railway, MISS" On asking for
Because, miss, the Bible says she came
o Jerusalem with very heavy train"
"Whdt's your business?" said the
magistrate of a police court, the other
to prisoner. 'I'm an Obser-
ationist, your worship" "An Obser-
atiOnist! What is that?" 'One who
OOks around i'm the day time to see what
Ie can steal at night, if it please your
"John," said a schoOlmaster. ''you |
will soon be a man, and will have to
ttend to business. What do you sup
Ose you will do when you have to write |
etters unless you learn to spell better?"
oh, SIR" answered John, Il shall put |
asy words i'm Them"
Vessel and Spirit it.-s'Remember, Mrs.
b." said Bogus, i'm a fluster, one day,
that you are the weaker vessel"
Maybe sO," retOrted the lady; "but
I'll not forget that the weaker vessel
nay have the stronger spirit in it,"
When a common Japanese goes into
he presence of an Office-hOlder he must
ay: ''Great and distinguished child of
he sun, deign to put your foot upon my
eek" There's some pleasure in hold
ng an office in that country.
Recently man whose appearance in
icated that he was staggering from the
weight of a brick in his hat,
eing asked if he was Son of Temper
nee, replied: "Hic-nO-nO relation
Ot even an acquaintance"
My dear" said husband, in startled
'nes, after waking his wife in the
liddle of the night, 81 have swallowed
dose of strychnine?" swell, then, do
'r goodness sake lie still, or it may