The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-12-26
BIBBINS' CHRISTMAS TURKEY.

When Bibbins came into our Office last night.
we noticed that he had been drinking, and before
he left, we were satisfied he was Thoroughly
drunk.
Bbbins took chair and commenced talking, |
and we took him down, just as he spoke. He |
said:
"What g turkey it was, to be sure-so large, SO |
round so fat-well, so everything that regular
Christmas turkey ought to be.
Mrs. Bibbins is my wife, and mighty fine
woman is Mrs. Bibbns.' Blbbins?' said she
Bibbna, this is Christmas Eve. Yes, my
love-
81 always call Mrs. Bibbins my love, for Nrs.
Bibbins is mighty fine woman.
"'And, Bibbins, tomorrow is Christmas"
Yes, my love- And, Bibbins, said she, Il
think we ought to have turkey l thought
SO too; knowledge of Mrs. Bibbins, derived
from long acquaintance, made me always think
as she did. On Mrs. Bibbins' suggeston-l
always follow Mrs. Bibbins-on Mrs. Bibbins
suggestion I started Immediately to get that
turkey, and got it and, as 1 said before, what
turkey it was to be sure.
"Smiggns, he as is my friend-Smiggins said
it was some pumpkins and Smiggins knows, for
|
yes said Smggrns, that turkey is some pump
llns. Let's liquor We lquored-l paid. Smig'
gins thought he had never seen finer turkey
| We liquored again-at my expense
"Smggins said If he was young woman
looking ter a husband as knew how ID choose
turkey, his choice should fall on Bibbins. Smlg-
gins, says l, 'Smiggins, my friend, let's liquor.
We liauored. We liquored aGain-we lGuored
several times again: in fact, think We Iquoted
more than several times. And then smiggins
said, 'les gone, getting late, ole f'ier.'
"We went home, or rather we started have
an idea we didn't get there. In fact I'm sure we
didn't. Smiggins thought every house ON the
street was his. thought all the others were
NINE spoke to three Mrs. Bibbins but didn't
wait to see the consequences
"SmEgins says" says he, 'Bibb's, ny fren,
(hic) yer drung whatI yer wife say when she
sees yer in this condishn. Fibbins, my fren, (hc)
Bibbns, you should new low yourself 20 get in !"
-. smiggins sat down, so did I.
"What a turkey it was to be sure. There it
stood, SO innocent like, splitting tobaccer juice
and swearing Ike blessed baby, and staggering
around in an awful way. That was really the
drunkest turkey ever saw.
"Bimebye, may be a minute. he stuck his
wing through M arm, and says, says he : Come
along yer blamed fool, and don't be sitting here
all night Now, l never allow anybody but Mrs
Blbblns to call me a blame fool, and l says says
I,ina-a- tontJy Voice, Chats not the word, but
its som netting like, says 10 tomby voice,
sBIRD OF EVIL OMEN, LEAVE NE =
can how that turkey did swear; it would have
done your heart good 10 hear him. He says,
gays he, If you don't come along, Ill have you
locked up, so help me - such words amt nice
in polite company. Says I, Let's see yer do it.
"And then that turkey wept bitter tears, and
says he sBibbins, ole chap, come along, that's
, good feer. The tears reminded me Of Mrs. Bib
bins and the little Blbbins, and l wept to think
that their father was out with man as drunk a:
smiggins.
s'Then looked for Smggins, but Smiggin
wasn't there, then 1 turned to the turkey ant
says, say L
q "'Bird get down of that Pallas marble bus
get out Of my doorway; where's Smiggins
3 Bus he didn't say anything, and suddenly con
sidered that turkey my frieId. and told hin
: 80.
r 81 took his wing through my arm, and nc
ticed. for the first time, that he was as tall q
k me, and asked him how it happened. lie sal
d he growed so. Iapologzed for ever having q
e intention of eating him, and asked him ii he dldn
# feel cold without his feathers. There was on
d thing remember that puzzled me. Sometime
a it seemed that it was Smggns' head that was o
g the turkeys body. and then ] would stop an
d look, and that's all now about that.
70 "Mrs Bibbins says, says she, Bibbins, II
It surprised at you, Bibbins.' l knew what Wa
" coming. Ny love- said l, now don't be SUI
prised'
!. "sBibbins, says she, 'Bibbins, I'm shocked
e Ny love- says l, my love, you shouldn't be
~ But Mrs. Bbbins would be be surprised-Wou
ve be shocked ITO think, say she, to think tn
20 YOU, Bibbins- you-should come home DRUM
ry and so drunk Bibbins, that you took your frier
re Mr.. Smiggins for turkey.
ad 81 got another turkey, and if it was not such
49, turkey as the one that took me home Chrlstm
Eve, it was nevertheless, "a sumner, and yestt
az day we ate him."