American citizen., 1875-03-27
Niagara Falls.

There's water enough to make them a
perfect success.
l learned from the depot-master that
Nature made the Falls, but he wouldn't
commit himself when inquired as to the
hackmen, landlords and relics sellers.
| thought | had strength enough to
walk from the depot TO hotel, matter
of three or four hundred feet, but seven
or eight hackmen rushed at me, and
yelled
"H-a-cks-hacks"
After the police had stopped the fight
| started for the hotel, followed by six
hackmen in line. Some thought it was a
funeral procession, and others took me
for lord. When l reached the hotel the
hackmen demanded fifty cents each, say
ing that it was the same fare whether
rode or walked.
"But how could ride up here in six
hacks at once?"
They replied that l couldn't bluff them
with any rule of addition, division or
multiplication, and rather than seem
penurious l paid them three dollars.
The hotel clerks at Niagara are alone a
sight worth travelling from Detroit to
see. They look down upon common
| traveller as a Newfoundland dog would
gaze at a pinhead. At the hotel where !
halted, had to take off my hat, assume
and address the clerk as follows
Most high and noble duke of the reg
lister, would you condescend to permit a
poor humble worm of the dust like me
| to ask you what time the train from the
West is due here?"
If he felt like it he would take his eyes
from the ceiling, turn around on his
stool, flash his diamonds into my eyes
and point to the time-card on the wall
I,-, L.. L " !. "a
pay the least attention.
The Niagara hotel-waiter is only one
peg beneath the clerk. He has heard
about John Jacob Astor and the Roths-
childs, but he wouldn't compromise his
reputation by saying that he was init
mately acquainted with them. l didn't
know how to take him at first, and was
reckless enough to put dollar bill be-
side my pla.e at supper time.
"What is that?" he inquired, as he
picked it up.
"That? That, sir, is lucre-dross-
mOney-a grcenback," / responded.
"Humph! you'd better keep it-you
might want to buy the Falls, " he retorted.
l thought some of handing him my
wallet, but as l didn't l had to make my
supper out of pepper, salt, celery and
crackers.
The guide is another feature of Nj
agara. The one who took me around
showed me Goat Island from fourteen
different points, and wanted two dollars
a point, and when / growled about the
price he sneeringly replied that if l had
come there to get a one-horse view of
the Falls ! should have brought tent
and some crackers and cheese along, and
camped out on the commons.
The relic-SelerS came at me in a body
| at first refused to buy Thomas Jetfer-
sons armchair and Washington's cane,
but the guide told me story about a
M serly fellow who was thrown over the
Falls for refusing to purchase relics, and
felt compelled TO select twelve Indian
canoes, six Revolutionary muskets, a
quart of Mexican war bullets, several
war clubs, and an armful of tomahawks.
l left Niagara with only one thing to
console me. 1t has been ascertained
that the Falls are wearing away at the
rate of an inch every 300 years, and it
won't be long before the cataract will be
completely worn out.-M. quad, sn Fire
side Friend