River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-12-16
A Tale of Woe from IA Minnesota Ed
itor.

5 The Hutchinson Enterprise gives the
following very interesting account of
peculiarly aggrayating combination Of
woes, growing out of "heathcn chinee"
practices on the part OF followers Of the
'art preseryative. We give lengthy ex.
tract:
1--WE opened our office with two meek
appearing and mild eyed boys, who, when
We We're present, were constantly speak
ing Of things heavenly, of their apprecia.
ton Of Sunday schools, even remembering
the text from which our Methodist Moody
took his sermon.
This, coupled with their extensive quo.
tation of scripture, led is to believe they
were truly duplicates of Bunyans chris.
tian characters, "Christian ami Hopeful"
We were in ignorance some time until
ono evening having business at the office,
We overheard strange conversation with.
in, before entering, leading us to suppose
couple penitentiary birds had effect.
ed an entrance and were cursing their
bad luck at finding nothing of value to
carry off. Imagine our horror when the
familiar voices convinced us that they
were our Sunday school lads engaged in
what We afterward learned was Their regu.
lar evening seance.
This precious pair We got rid of, when
one evening a sad-faced, sunken, stom.
ached-hollow, cadaverous, roundabout.
dered, poorly-clad individual with a
pocket full of credentials entered, whose
appearance reminded us of an Advent
ministerial student, who had Just come
off his bran feed and dried-apple sauce,
who, giving us a pitirul glance, passed
over his papers Of recommendation, which
were satisfactory, though very volumi-
nous, after reading which We were
ashamed and mortified to offer him POI
sition under us. Feeling and believing his
great superiority over Us-we believed
him capable Of filling the chair Of the late
Horace Greedy, Judging from
the tone Of his credentials.
lie appeared cold and chilly
We took him to our bosom; fed and
warmed him, bringing him entirely tc
life, only to be rewarded by an attempted
sting, the result Of which to him is vel
known,an attempt at suicide and disgrace
! ful flight from our place.
Next came a delegate armed with ere
/ dentials from the office of the Erenine
Mail, whose mouth was drawn down al
the corners, a muddy eye, eyebrows fear
fully arched with a cock fighting appear
ancc, which suggested n possible angel in
disguise Of Bowery beat. We did not
like him, but rejecting that he came di
rect from Charley Johnson's pious in
iluence, chided ourselt for our uncharita
bleneSs and hasty judgment, and at
once closed a trade with him. giving
him the receipts Of the office with SAC
per month in addition for his valuable
services. Things pursued the even ten.
or Of their natural way, we paying in adj.
vance, when reaching the office one even.
ing last week, we were startled with the
announcement that our Bowery Bantam
had eloped with an estimable young lady,
leaving behind wife and two children to
mourn his sudden departure. We at
once drew our conclusions regarding
printers generally, and left no time in
penning letter 20 the evangelists
MOODY and Sankeyl informing them they
were Off the track, and advised them to
call convention Of printers. and thus
lay the axe Of their zeal and earnestnes,
at the root Of the tree Of wickedncss aud
try to cut it down.
Il. ). Since writing the above we have
made contract with Frank Daegett, "a
cap the climax Of our woes, who will after
this week have the entire management Of
tln Dpfsr.~s..