The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1875-12-23
JOSH ON THE WAR PATH.


BY ERNI.
Josh in his last communication has
been pleased to characterize ReIicene-
ed" az belonging to the class Of spicy
newspaper articles. Upon reviewing his
last am utterly at loss how to cllssify
it, indeed it seems to be a regular Sal
magundi in which is sandwitcled Saline,
humor, grave admonitious about telling
the truth, aud any amount OF verbosity
This literary child was even sent out in
to the world without name.
Talking about Truth reminds Erni that
Josh has failed to prove the falsity of
single incident IN his memorials heeira
from The weddin bee Erni was well
aware from the beginning that be was
playing v 18th the business end of a wasp,
but little did he think that this first
child Of bis imagination, this little IN
fedged bantliag would be 80 pounced
upon by the old eagle Of the mountain.
Upon reading Josh's article, his first
sensations were somewhat akin to those
man might be supposed to expert enee,
who had been by some inexpIicable
means fastened to the tai Of comet,
his next, that he had gone in at the
wrong end of thrashiDg machine.
When that article was written the Josh
star had certainly reached its aphelion
in its cycle, and scratched dirt worse
than an old hen in search Of the seed
bug of the world, and threw it as if it
had been web-footed. Josh asserts IF
we adopt his favorite mode Of reasoning,
the a. Posteori, we must conclude that
had he been with Josh no whisky would
have been poured into that old trough
Erni never attempted to drink pine-top
whisky but once in his life, in his unsus-
pecting adolescence, aud he would now
as soon attempt to drink the devils
broth brewed in Hamlet Why Josh,
1t went down his throat with a Kissing
sound like unto hot poker plunged ia
cold water, or the unmistak4ble sound
emitted By a gander watching over a
flock of goslings. A drop accidentally
spilled upon pair of old brogan boots
raised blOod-blister in two seconds and
q quarter of time. This proves that the
God-given instinct of the hogs was supe-
riOr to the reason attempted to be cult
waited by Josh
Josh is pleased to commend the init
macy displayed by Erni with the clas-
sizes. Erni is sorry to say that he cannot
equally commend his intimacy with
mathematics, He asserts that the cycle
of Erni is sevanteea thousand, seventeen
hundred and seventy mine gears, and in
the nezt breath asserts that A. D. 1873 is
the first year of that cycle, and therefore
infers that the world will never again see
an Erni cycle. His progcosis is wrong
just seventeen thousand seven hundred
and seventy-nine years, minus two
weeks.
Erni was born and raised in six diff
terent counties Of the ollNorth State and
all of them simmon tree counties. Z"
Erni was very young when that impor-
tant event in his life took place, conse-
quently his recollection is somewhat
indistinct 1t is related of the good old
Year Of Wakefield that upon a certain
occasion he attended his county fair to
dispose of horse. The first customer
declined to give his price because he de-
clared the horse was wind broken. The
next said he was spawned, and third
that he was taking tae big shoulder.
The Sesult was that the good old par.
sons opinion Of his horse went down to
zero, and he was fam to take any price
offered. So when Josh declared that
Erni was born and raised in six different
counties of the old North State, he began
to feel a most hearty contempt for him
self, and Ohly one consideration recon.
ciled him to his paternity-that he was
not born 10 Chatham county where they
have to shoot seed into the ground with
q double-barrel shot gun.
In the card playing scene Erni owns
up that Josh held the imperial
ana routed nimi 1905 horse and Dragons.
In regard to that visit to the village hall
Josh drew immensely upon his magma
ton, which is as fertile as the soil thai
produced Aonah's gourd' Josh is sorry
that Erni is somewhat at fault in his
natural history in regard to the eronking
of frogs, Josh's recent visit to John
Robinson's circus doubtless made him
him more familiar with the habits o
that aquatic animal. indeed Erni had Sc
lected the occasion of that visit to de-
scribe Josh's adventures among the ele
plants, bengal tigers etc, had he no
been called upon to defend himself
And now Mr. Editor drop the curtai q
and put the foot-lights out.
ExEUNT OMNEs.