The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-05-22
BUDGET OF FUN.

BUDGET OF FUN.
An Irish, tor congratula,cs himself tina
half the lies. Id about him are not true,
4 young man in Cleveland was blown N
by kcg of beer. Moral---dont apply 1t eA
ternally.
She used to keep bits OF broken china ant
crockery piled up in convenient corner
the closet, and when asked her reason 10
preserving such domestic lumber, she shot
lurid glance at her husband, and merely re
marked: He knows what thcm's for.
\ little girl at school reads thus: " TIT
widow lived on a small limbacy left her by
relative" What did you call that word y
asked the teacher; the word is legacy, nc
not limbacy" But" said the little girl
my sister says must say limb, not leg"
A BOYS ENTERPRIsE.-A boy was around
one of the Detroit hotels to get job OF black
ing boots when guest asked him
sonny, did You hear that the world wa
coming to an end tomorrow?
Great snakcsl MOI" exclaimed the lad
instantly becoming excited; where can
Teller buy some tickets?'
A western editor appeals to his Delinquent
subscribers by saying: This week we have
taken i'm potatoes and pickles on subscrip
ton. Now if you will bring in some vinegar
for the pickles and some wood to roast the
potatoes, we can live until ar,ichokcs get big
enough to dig
A Vinelad lady remarked: ave must have
q society for fallen women. 1t Is an evidence
of civilization that can not be dispensed
with" But" SAID her friend. Eve have no
fallen women, you know" Every well, was
the prompt reply, 1--WE must send over to
Brooklyn and get some"
In this part of the country when two long
separated friends meet they shake hands and
exclaim. MY dear fellow, I'm awful glad
10 see YOU but out in Denver they come up,
and whacking each other on the back, OK
clam: cole pard, I've fouled We. Let's
boose."
DIDN'T WAIK.-A man stood in store
door on Woodward avenue yesterday until a
young lady came along with an umbrella,
and lie stepped out, made Il handsome bow,
and said:
May ! walk with you! 1 don't like TO
get wet"
+. This rain is just what was needed to give
vegetables start she replied and passed
ahead leaving HIM out in the t'--Free
Pres
As an indication Of the advancement that
science has made recently, it might be stated
that gentleman at one of the city markets
the other day saw half bushel of white tur-
nips run through a cider mill, and half an
hour thereafter noticed the same article bot
tied on sale, and labeled, pure Grated Horse.
radish."
Goodness gracious, James, what are you
doing with that child!" she shrieked at her
husband, who was lifting the infant out of
its crib by the car But he never SAID word,
while she danced around wildly, cry "Oh,
it only serves me right; | ought To have
known better than to marry a Milwaukee
man"
Old Bllfklns was about ready to go to his
office after dinner the ether day, when the
pastor called but Bif sat in the parlor with
man went away, and then he walked down
town slowly mutter.ng: aye didn't come it,
parson, we didn't come it,
The saddest thing in life IS the spectacle
afforded by young person who has burnt
all her hair off her forehead with q hot slate
pencil, and cannot afford to buy row of
Curls.
ST. Louis JOurndl: II any one thinks Mrs
Bcecher sits there every day for the purpose
OF SUSTAINING her husband, he knows very
little about the female mind She is after the
particulars.
Physical viSor in wOmaR always carries
"a heap of moral force When strong, firm
ly'knit, sinewy married female gets up and
in an unmistakable tone of voice calculates
james, james doesn't have to 90 fooing
around among his neighbors to find out what
she means
4 friend lately called upon the historian,
Runke, IN Berlin, and abserved "Wcll, pro.
lessor, | suppose you work as hard as ever
in your old age" Yes" replied the veteran,
tenderly, Eyes, my wife is dead now, you see,
and | have less annoyance and can accom-.
plish more
An indianapolis young man and young
woman got to hugging at the circus the other
night. The Ne'rS says; "Od cynCs wiped
their glasses and thought of their youthful
times half century ago, while Youngsters,
blinded with envy and covctOusncsS, looked
on and grated their teeth"
\ keOkuk man held Il neighbours wife in
his lap while she did up her hair in curl
papers. The husband attended the funeral,
and when the minister had finiSb nod SnnoE in, ar