Smyrna times., 1875-03-10
M (Sc GIIUl2 e 0Ms
John Cain.

THE TALE or DEFEATED CANDID ,Tr
~: Qgad' gets off the following in the
Detroit Free Press. :" vac
ASHEWAS.
JOAN Cain was quiet uno1tru>iy. citigap
ne didn long for fame and reuuwD. and Le
utun care two cents whether this srent nnI
glorious country was ruled by one.horse re-
Puollcan or a two-horso democrat
HIS VIRTUES.
lie had pew in church, gave sixteen
ounces Tor pound, and wien a man IooksJ
nlhi square ~ tic eye, Dir. Cain never took .
PACK seat lie was home at a reasonable Eopr
IN the evening, never took bart in ~, 6;sn,,.
SION, is lager healthy % and mony mn
wished that his life rolled on as evenly and
peacefully as John Gains
But, ALAS!
the temrter came. In an evil hour John Gain
aho"ed the politicians to get after him and r,
surreuLd hinl They said he was tie strongest
man IN the county; that he c5ui! sc,nn ,,t
ol MS boots any man set up in Opposition
tHat MS virtues we're many, and his faults OOOOO.
that II was his duty to come out and take
mon;hati0n' IN order that this pure and incor
TuptlDie form OF government be ,na;rt,;naJ
pure and incorruptible All this and mncG /
more they told him, and John Cain
EECAME pCFFED UP.
1t surprised him some to think tbat Lob,lj
ms peaceful way along for forty ODD wear.
"Ac khot'ho!e III barD-i00r, with0ut anr
one having discovered what u heap Of 4 fe,IoT
nc was but be concluded that there was a nav,
ffa IN politics, and that it was all righ..
THEY BANBoOZLED HIM.
Inc politicians covered John Cain with sof,
>oap. They told him that the canvass .honiJ,'t
COZ MN Ied, and that hc could still retire at
, clock every evening, and rest assured tbat
ms interests would be properly cared for. II
i "ai ~ oc SUI hnnt-a very quiet election.
aud ne would hardly know what was eojng on
joan was an honest, unsusrecting IDIOT, anJ
ne ne swallowed their words as tie coafling ;
hsh absorbs the 5ated hook
THE PLOT TnICKEys.
John Cain was duly nominated. and the
Dand came out and Serenaded him Win tlo
ua"u came several hundred electors, who filled
me Gain mansion to ovclhowiug: Spit toLaero |
an over the house, ate aud drank al tLcv ;
coniH hnd, broIc down the gate, and went off J
win three cheers for john Cain. L
WANTED SUGAR. :
Before tie cInvIss vas ten days old. LalCa.
I'zen men called on Cain aud gently hinted =
hat he must come down with the .',ugnr Z
lie diIn't even know what sugar" was mniI >,
they, explained. They wanted money to raise r.
a pore to buy beer, to get slips printed, and TO 0
10 Iity other things with all for his particular
Ocheilt' and he had to hand out money. II
THE COMBAT DEEPENs. b
~ In the course Of another week they drew G.
IAN out to make a speech at a ward meeting al
ne tried to claw off, but they told him that al
me opposing candidate would run him out Of
9Rht 9RRiht II he dlGnt come out, and he wont out nj
" men he got through speaking, the crowd
drank at his expense, and Mr. Cain was VI
ast9nlshed at the way the liquor went down. CO
ana more astonlshcd at the way the bill footed h'
up tie dldn't reach home until midnight, OF
ihu I0r the first time in his life he was going Ia
% bed with his boots on His wife couldn't III
peak to him, the hired girl left the house to IL
ave her character, and John Cain wished the yo
politicians had let him alone h1
INCREASE OF CURRENCY. We
More men came and crooked their fingers at f.
llm, and whispered sugar" They wanted ~
money to buy somo doubtful votes, and to hire 81,
our-hOrse teams, end to mail his slips, and he IT,
lad to come down. lie hesitated about II III
'ut they told him that the opposing candidate L"
cit sure of victory, and that acted as a spur. co
wARM-HERTED FRIENDS. ola
There was hardly night that from Il to an
.iO friends did not call on Mr. Cain to inform WI
nm as to the prospect" They drank up the loo
urrent wine Mrs. Cain had laid by for sick wi
less, emptied the preserve jars, and there as
'o 'aSh morning that she cOuldn sweep out V'e V'e
~ !, or so cigar stubs and peck of mud They ma
u told Cain thai he could teat the other man IN
Q lar out of sight that it would take carrier dii
,geon TO find him. and he couldn't very well ne nei
eiuse se to go over to the corner grocery and ~ ~
set en- up" for the boys WI
THE CRISIS Wy ~:
Inaly came. On the evo of the election, Mr.. sim
am friends called for sugar" again. and he nnr
i'm - tLs sugar en- a Dig crswd called to warn clos
le saloon bill was $2S more. Thirteen or sbo
'urteen men shook hands with his wife. onr
u1dred more shook hands with him, and be and
"a to get up and declare that he didn't favor
oman's rights. and that he did that he was A
s"n on whisky, and yet loved it as bever of
sei that he wanted the currency inflated, and III,