Perrysburg journal. (Perrysburg, Wood Co., O. [Ohio]) 186?-1965, 1875-05-21
The Yorkshire Butcher.

"Irs queer thing, sir, hoo things turns
oot sometimes. Moo Il war queer thing
hSo chanced to wed. war L Leeds
once, an I'D ma mair thowts about mar
rvin' ma mair an nowt an war just
goin' doom & street, tha knaws, sir, when
/ met wi my wife--that's her ats my
wife moo, tha knaws. I'd kenned her
afore, piece back soa shoe comes oop TO
me, an shoe ses, Why, james, lad, is
that theep 'Ay,' ses, Il is awever.'
why ses she, what's Ia doin' wi thy
sen nooH" Why, ses, Is joost getten
me new hoose' Soa WI that she ses,
Then / lay, James, If tha's gettin' new
hoose, tha'll be wRntin' hoosekeeper.'
Soa ses to her, ses l, 'Tha ma COON an
be & wife II Ia likes; tina mawnt be T.
hoosekeeper, tina knaws, but tha ma COON
an be q wife, And soa shoe ses, ] amt
partikler. II don't mind If do So we
never had ma mair 10 do aboat & job"
asked him If he had found occasion to
regret such an expeditions way of settling
the matter. He shook his head and said:
"Noa, sir, niver. Shoo's made a rare
good wife. But shoo's her maugrums a.
times. But what women amt got EN-
They've all on 'em maggots l. their heads
or tempers."
When he was married he took his wife
trip to Bolton and spent week on his
honeymoon tour. As soon as he was re-
turned home the first thing he did was to
put his wife into the scales to weigh her.
Then the butcher took out his account
book and divided the expenses OF the
marriage and wedding.tour by the weight
of the wife.
"Eh, lass" said he, "thou'st cost me
fourtcenpcnce-h -hapenny a pound. Thou'st
the dearest piece o. meat that liver
bought"
He was going to York with his son, q
boy of eighteen. He took ticket for
himself and half one for the boy. When
the train drew near to York the ticket col
lector came round and exclaimed at this
half-ticket;
"Where's the child"
"Here," said the butcher, pointing to
the tall, awkward youth.
"What do you mean" asked the in
dignant ticket collector. "He amt a
child; he's a young manW
"Ahl so he is, now," answered the
butcher, "but that's thy fault, not mine.
| know that when we got in at Wakefield
he were nobbut BARN; but tha'st been
goin' so confounded slow that he's growed
sim we startedi"
James was at one time not we'll off. He
had a brother Tom who had some money.
Now James happened to hear that his
brother was very ILL., and, as they had not
latterly been very good friends, he was
afraid lest if Tom died, he would not
leave him his money. So he Immediately
set off to his brothers house, and on his
arrival found him i'll in bed. He went
up to the room in which his brother lay,
and began:
"Weel, an hoo-art az"
"Oah, Jamesr' said Tom, "I's vara
bad. l think rs boun' to dee"
"Ehl" said James; "well, mebbe tha'lt
outlive me, Tommy; nobbut feels vara
middlin' mysen. l hain't folt weel for
long while, an war just thinkin', Tom
my, o. sendin to Mr.. Smith, t. lawyer, to
maxi me bit o. will, tina knaws. Hast
made thy will, Tommyr
"Noa," said Tom, hain't; but war
Lawyer Smith. Moo, hoo vast a thinkin'
o. maxim thy will, JamesT'
"Weel, tina knaws, Tommy" said
James, "mebbe thou an me hain't lately
been vara partiklers; but war thinkin' il
ever owt ia be, Let bygones be bygones,
an soa l was thinkin' o. leavin' my bit o
brass to thee. Moo, Tommy, hoo vast a
thinkin' O. leavin' thy money?''
"Why," said Tommy, "as thou'st been
sa good as to leave thy money to me, I
think it wadnt be rect if didn'tdot' same
by thee, an leave thee my money"
"Weel" said James, ~ think you
couldnr do better; and soa, let's send for
Mr. Smith to MAX our wills, and / think
mebbe, Tommy, thou'd better ha' thy will
made fust."
So these two men sent for the lawyer tc
make their wills. Tommy was first made
and very few days after he died. His
money then came to James, who in reality
was not i'll in the least, but had only
pretended to be so