Vermont phÅ“nix. [volume] (Brattleboro, Vt.) 1834-1955, 1875-12-03
45anit.
9RATTLEBORO:
FRIDAY EVENING, DEC. 8, 1875.
How to Amu.e the children.


1--WE wants novelty" said Johnny, the
newsboy, as he slowly picked cigar stub
TO pieces "young folks gifts as tired of old
things as old folks do. l goes in for some
thing new every day. To-day, ! boilers
about the murder; tomorrow, about the
floods; next day, about the railroad
slaughter; and it's sunthin' new every
day. Do you supposes, Mister Quad, if
was TO holer one holer all the time that I
could make Twin in this town after The
fust week"
My young friend has not the skill to
manufacture a new novelty, but he has
lively Imagination; aud fishing up piece
orred chalk from his coat-tai pocket he
sat down on the flags and remarked
"Now, Mister, Quad, supposes this is
TELLER in a chair, and that is another Teller,
and that's a girl, and that's baby, and
that's the luved girl, and here's the old
folks. There they set, looking at each 9TH
CT, big fire, gas burnin' up, and all as
dumb as posts cause they haven't got any
new game. The wind is a-howlin' out
doors, snow is BLOWN, and that family
might be happy If they went in for new
things. Well, supposethis ere boy goes
out and gets whip; these ere boys get the
broomstick the old gent here drops down
on his hands and knees for boss, and the
Teller with the whip makes him jump over
tho broomstck, just as the spotted horses
do in the circus. The girl lafs, the baby
kicks up his heels, and all is joy and peace
in that family, where all was gloom afere.
1 encouraged the idea, and, after wiring
ont the chalk marks with his coat-tail, he
went on: -
"Or, supposes this ere boy gifts the
clothes-line, harnesses the old gent 10 the
wood-box, all the children pile in, and the
boss walks away. Wouldn't that 'ere leetlc
inherent baby just put fat on 10 his ribs,
though! Supposes the boss draws 'em
around TO here all o. X, and then balks
and kicks. Crowd comes around, the driv-
er puts on the whip, harness gets broke,
and finally lie runs away and falls into
sewer. Thered be huh hour of fun for
them inherent children, and they'd so 10
bed leelin' like playful lambs and foxes
and rabbits"
"But would the old man do it?" l ask
ed, as Johnny's coat-tail again swept the
chalk marks out ofexisence.
"IIe'd lie bound 10. They are his chill
dren, and he's got to perwide for 'em. 1
guess the law would tx him mighty quick
if he let them inherent children set up
there on them stuffed shairs with nuthin'
to do but look at the stove and the rug"
Having "A clean spot again lie put the
chalk TO the flags and continued
"Suppose the old man gets telegraph 10
so to Chicago, and he hain't home. Them
children can't set there on them stuffed
chairs Just cause the old man is out of
town. Well, what does the mother do but
gifts down like this and purtends 10 be a
dog, and growls and barks and shows her
teeth. They gifts the baby on the sofa, and
this ere boy takes piller, that one rug,
and this one the broom, and they goes in
10 give that dog such fits as will learn him
10 never take another hunk outn boys
hind-leg. can almost hear that inherent
leetle baby hollerin' for joy"
at might work." 1 said in doubtful
voice.
"Sho' have to work, Mister Quad. don't
know much about law, but l know the
children has got TO be cared for if it takes
the house down. It's agin the law for the
women 10 paint and powder and git on
fashnable clothes and things till the chill
dren has been brung up"
AS made no reply, he erased the marks
and said -
"or, supposes the hired girl has freckles
on her nose and loves children. Here's the
stairs, here, and here's the hired girl goin'
up. The children all git together here by
the hall door, and tho hired girl tolls down
stairs head over heels, and that inherent
leelle baby lafs till they have 10 pat him on
the back Wouldn't that be bully, Mister
Quad, and couldn't that family afford Ia
raise the wages of that hired girl ?'
1.-THE hired girl might refuse" Isuggest-
ed.
"She dasn't-you bet she dasnt! Hired
girls is hired 10 help bring up the children,
cook Eaters, mop off steps, and let their
beaus in at the side gate. She'd be purity
hired girl, if she wouldn't roll downstairs
TO make fun for all them nice children, and
she'd be discharged quicker'n spitV
The boys ideas may be little crude, but
he speaks for the whole rising generation
and l demand that fathers and mothers
and hired girls give his ideas their alien
tion.-By NJ quad in The NeV York Graph
&c.