davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The weekly Elko independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 1872-1887, 1875-07-03

AK amusing episode is said to have &C.
CURED at ono of tho Moody and Sankcy
meetings in London where the cx-prcmicr
was present. Upon heartily grasping Mr..
Moody's hind, Mr.. Gladstone said, 81
wish l had your body" Mr.. Moody madc
reply, 81 wish I had your head" Mr..
Gladstone again rctortcd, 81 mean l wisl,
/ had your lungs" TO which Mr.. Moody
"gnin replied, " 1 wish l had your brains,''
ind with hearty good wishes they parted.
The weekly Elko independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 1872-1887, 1875-07-03

A sIIIr Mt sen sprung n lcnk. The hole
in its bottom was just ono foot SQUARE.
There was but n board on tho ship
this was sixteen inches long md nine
inches wide. 1t had precisely the rcqui-
site number of square inches, aud tho
carpenter cut 1t In two pieces only, md
ilIcso two pieces just fitted tho hole. How
did Inc do III
The weekly Elko independent. [volume] (Elko, Nev.) 1872-1887, 1875-07-03

If a man will only start with a fixed
md honorable purpose In life, and per-
s~istontly attempt to carry Il out to the
best of his ability, undismnycd by failure
or delay, the time may be long In coming,
but como II will, when that purpose will
be achieved.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22
LUV.
BY JOSH BILLINGS.

Luv is pashun that is easier felt
than deskribed. 1t IL common to the
yung, middle-aged, and even old fel-
lows have thought they he'd the dis
eaze.
1t generally makes victims feel phool-
ish, and akt phoolish, too.
Sumtimes it breaks out sudden,
without any warning, and then again
it Gums on slo, like the rumatiss.
| have known sum pashonts to be in
luv for six munths and not know ex-
actly what did all them, and then |
hav known other cases WHARF the par
tvs thought they was in luv, and moth
ing was the matter ov them all the
time, only they was out ov humor.
Sumthing to do alwus kures these
kind oy attacks.
When a person really IL in luv they
amt fit for anything else.
1t units a farmer and a blacksmith
for Dizziness just az much az it duz a
student at law or boarding-skool
miss.
Genuine luv never fastens its fangs
onto fello being but once, he often
gets nipped by it before and after
wards, but the fust skar sticks to him
for life.
Sum people fall in luv every ninety
days, just for the phun ov the thing.
Real luv won't divide it possesshun
ov the heart with eny other ov the
pashuns; it drives out ambition, and
takes the stiftening out of pride and
vanity.
\ man IL never more pure than
when he is sensibly in luv.
Luv il great humanizer; it makes
the rude az gentle az duv, and pol
ishes up the rustik like three months
tuition ut dancing skool.
1t IL hard work to be in luv and not
akt phoolish; but luv il the only thing
i kno that makes phools excusable.
We alwuz latf at the yung when they
are in luv, and pity the old ones.
An old man desperately in luv IL az
helpless az a loss child.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22
Natural slippers: cells.

Trade winds: business airs.
Shades of night: window curtains.
A bad policy: one that has run out.
A man was lately ordained in Ohio
to go out and ''preach ignorance to
the heathcn."
You look as if You were beside
yourself" said wag to fellow who
stood by donkey.
What does stone become when it
is thrown into the middle of the Dead
Sea: Wet of course.
Cooling before marriage and billing
after. us the man said who drew his
check to pay for his wife's new camefs-
hair shawl.
Il say, Mr.. McDougall, what is that
undertaker's wagon doing over there?
"Oh. that one: It's just laying round
for job
There is nothing half so sad in life
as the spectacle of an auctioneer at
tempting to sell fifteen thousand dol
lars worth of goods to an audience
whose aggregate and tangible assets
foot up thirty cents.
They do funny things on the River
Seine, as the following from a French
newspaper shows: "a young man of
agreeable presence and desirous of get
ting married would like to make the
acquaintance of an aged and expert
enced gentleman who could dissuade
him from taking the fatal step"
Ellen Larrabee, an Illinois farmers
daughter, just missed being heroine.
Seeing her fathers barn on fire, she
got pail of water, ran toward the
blaze, and-fainted on the way. The
barn was destroyed, and her father,
rating Ter intention by the low stand
ard of her failure, warmed her shoul-
ders with strap.
A couple of members of the darkey
conference were passing down the
avenue, when one of them trod on the
indigestible portion of pear, and as
his number elevens went up the rest
of his body was correspondingly low
cred. "ka-yah, Brudder Jones, is you
fallen from grace?" chuckled his COM
panion. "Not prezactly, Deacon. is
sittin' on the ragged edge of dis pear. "
1t is told of the late Judge Benjamin
Tappan, of Ohio, a brother of Arthur
and Lewis Tappan, that when he ap-
piled to the judges of the Supreme
Court for admission to the bar of that
State he was asked the following ques-
tions, to which he gave the answers as
follows: ''Mr. Tappan. what is law?''
Ansmer.-"An unjust distribution of
Justice" "Mr. Tappan, what is equi-
ty?" 4nswer.-"An imposition upon
common-sense." No other questions
were asked and he was given "a certifi-
cate of admission.
A young lady in Paris, KY, remark
ed to companion i'll a conversation,
the other day, that she would never
paint her cheeks again before attend
ing a funeral. "Why not?:" asked her
friend. because" replied the young
lady, 81 was painted up when | attend
ed "a funeral last summer, and never
wanted to cry so bad in my life, and
was getting my handkerchief ready,
when, glancing around at --, | saw
that coarse, yellow skin of hers through
the tear-tracks, and it looked horrible.
| never had such hard work to hold
my tears in since | was born. I'm
Idone painting for funerals"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22

a lawyer was i'll country town on
a flying trip. He was accosted in the
hotel by a ''drummer," who thought
him one of the fraternity, and inquir-
ed: ''For what house are you travel
ing?" "for my own" "You are:
May | ask your name?" "You may"
Pause-enjoyable to the lawyer, en-
barrassing to the other. "Well, (des-
perately) WHAT yourname:" "Jones.' -
"What line are you in?' 81 don't un-
derstand you, sir "What are you
selling::" Gmpatiently). "Brains"
(coolly). The mercantile traveller saw
his opportunity, and, looking at the
other from head to foot, he said, slow
ly: "Well, you appear to carry Il deuc-
ed small lot of samples"
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22
aries County, .Nd., Dec, 1874.
ADDITIONAL LIST OF FISHERIES.

SuSqUehduld RiUer tiNheres-Wood Island. .:
kens Island, ,; Spencers Island. = snake Is
land, f; Lapiduln Siivers battery, l; kwing's
Battery, |; Matsons Island, 2;-l3.
Chesapeake Bog FiS,tcTteS.-soalier's Battery, 2;
Old Bay, PontConcord / : Hoke'S |; osborne
battery, |: Plum Point, /; Lewis's Cove, |; Cher
ry Tree Lane, l. SANDY Beach, /; stony Point
laylor's Island, | Cranberry, Indian Cabin,
Bulls Mountain, |; Maudih's Mountain / Red
Point, /; Green Banks, /; Carpenters Point, |;
"and one or two others, names unknown" 2;-2l
-, WORTH?
Prom Woods Island to Lapidum, inclusive,
are small fisheries, the operating expense from
$500 to 500. From silvcrs Battery to Carpenters
Point, both inclusive, are large shores and bat
terieS, and the operating expense would aggre-
gate nearly the Amount that the same number
oi shores would on the Potomac, beginning the
count ut Monkeys Point and taking each side OF
the River down." This would he about from
$1,000 to $1,000 per annlm Tor each Shore besides
rent.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22

About the maddest woman in A
merica lives in Brattleborough, Vt.
\ boy, coasting, came up behind her
and took her feet ont from under in
such way that she sat down on the
sled and was carried all right to the
foot of the hill.
Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-01-22

NG-To clean cider barrels, pour in lime
water, and then insert trace chain through
the bung hole, remembering to fasten Il strong
cord on the chain so as to pull it out again.
Shake the barrel until all the mold inside is
rubbed off. Rinse with water, and finally pour
in little whisky.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

PRospEcTs IN OnIo.--This comes
from Washington, under date of Oc-
tober 9Th:
A number of officials, clerks and
employees Of the Government, who
stood upon the rolls as appointed
from Ohio, and most of them actual
ly residents Of that State, some time
since made up pool amounting to
several thousand dollars, and intrus-
ted it to one Of the shrewdest of their
number to take it to Ohio and double
it by bets on the coming election,
and at the same time strengthen the
cause by an exhibition of confidence
in their candidate, Governor Hays.
This gentleman went to Ohio, and
after careful survey Of the ground
and conference with the best inform
ed men OF his party, he has written
to the club that he deems it unsafe
to take any bets on less than thirty
thousand for Allen. He asked fur
ther instructions. After consulta-
ton among the several associates, it
was to-day agreed to direct the indi-
vidual to return the money for dis
tribution to the subscribers.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
Our Agents.
ALEXANDRIA. La.
Wednesday,. October rs. 1875.

VIZ have had very pleasant, cool
ard seascnabte weather, for the past
five or six days-it can hardly be
imagined how we'll our planters have
taken advantage of this spell, and
struck hard ticks to make up for the
rainy weather-cotton coming to
Town faster than cver-nearly four
hundred bales in the Warehouses
and in PineyiHe, ready for shipment
to day by the Packet-but the staple
has reduced down to starvation pri-
'ces, and whit keeps of starvation
has gone up to extortion rates-the
old song over again, what we have for
sale rules at dirt cheap prices, and
what we must purchase rising all the
time--nothing but more producers
and less consumers can remedy this
business in Town pretty brisk and
everybody turning out to attend the
Fair.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
IT is supposed that DR.. Nc

IT is supposed that DR.. New
man, President Grants pastor at
Washington, suggested the clause in
the Des Moines speech predicting a
religious war in the United States.
Newman evidently has a chaplaincy
in view. 1t would be interesting to see
the President appear as religious
crusader. It is q role in which he is
an entire novice, as he has never ex-
hibited any enthusiasm for any phase
of religion, excepting Methodism in
a general way. If all things else
fail, however, the President might
ride into third term by adroitly
stirring up religious war. Before
he aids in such a measure, however
it would be well for him to be gath.
cred to his fathers Louisville
Courier-J Journal.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

GOVERNING BY THE BAYoNET.-
organs affirm that there is no safety
for the negroes of the South except
that which may be afforded by the
bayonets Of the United States, and
that there will be no others for years
to come. 1t follows, then, that the
Southern States must remain under
o government of force for a series of
years. Is this the emergency war
ranting third term for the Presi-
dent? Is this the programme ofthe
Administration? The President and
his organs will not answer. But the
peuple who have willed a Republican
government will determine whether
it shall be accomplished. -[Washing-
ton Gazette.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
TIE HEBREW FEASTs,

Our Hebrew fellow citizens have
been celebrating their Feasts, with
their usual religious .punctuality and
observance, and closed them on Sat-
urday with the rising of the first
stars. Their Jewish New Years
Day came this year, on September
30th, which is the first day of the
seventh month, Tishri, ofthe Hebrew
calendar. 1t is one Of the fast days
that is strictly observed by them,
and is founded on this passage from
the 23d chapter Of Leviticus:
And the Lord spoke unto Moses,
saying: Speak unto the children OF
Israel, saying, In the seventh month.
in the first day of the month, shall
We have sabbath, a memorial OF
blowing of trumpets, holy convo-
cation. Ye shall do no servile work
therein; but we shall offer an Offer
ing made by fire unto the Lord.
On October 9th, being the 10th
day of the Hebrew month Tishri,
was the day of Atonement, which
was strictly observed by them. 1t
is founded on the 23rd chapter Of L.
viticus, Goth to 32d verses included.
The Feast of Tabernacles follows
on tomorrow, being the 18th day OF
Tishri. Its generally observed, and
| is commemorative Of the deliverance
of the Hebrews from bondage in the
land Of Egypt.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

Over three fourths Of the reve-
nues of the Corporation of our Town
are paid out in salaries, and some of
our Taxpayers and property holders
are beginning to think that these lib
eral salaries thus paid out, should
guarantee to them little more pro-
lection from the raids Of bad boys,
and that the Town Ordinances should
be more fairly and rigidly enforced.
From our present stand point we are
forced to agree with these good PEG.
people, and join them in the hope
that a reform will at once be inagura.
ted and put in practice.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
Military Conscripliol n ffsssia,

The Berlin War Office, says the
Pail Mall Gazette, seems at last q
have found out the way to make CON. ]
pulsory military service thoroughly
unpopular. Having raised the Inv.
steal standard for the recruit so hiull
that there is no longer in practice
any chance of escape for those who
come up to nineteen out Of every
twenty who fully reached it last year
were taken on the rolls-it is now
making the autumn manoeuyres 50
severe as to raise general cutlery ID
the press over the Number Of sick
sent to hospital from them. II Is
plainly serious matter when We fln.l
in paper usually known for it's pm
triotic sentiments as the Weser Zci.
tung is, such expressions as the fol.
lowing:
s'This excitcmeDs rcigns in these
particular circles where there is the
warmest sympathy for the army and
the highest respect for its officers.
And there is quite discernmcnt
enough among this class Of people to
know that exertion and even danger
are inseparable from the making ola
soldier. But there is due inodcra.
| ton to be observed in all things, and
it is naturally asked whether this can
have been observed when marches
have been ordered without any ne.
cessity on which strong men have
died like fies."
These remarks viii certainly not
be thought too strong by those who
learn that one division Of the Fiji.
tecnth Corps, during its late mancu-
vres, managed to kill fourteen Of its
infantry soldiers, and that a single
company of the other division (of the
Ninth Dayarian Infantry, BY the
way had forty-fiye patients in hospi-
tai at last. When the British sol
fIEF
dier remembers all the writing there
was last year arising out Of the case
of a single man who died (of heart
disease, as it is proved) after the
march from Gotham, he will have
some reason to admit that his per.
sonal interests are better looked af-
ter than those Of the wearers Of the
pickelhaube.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
The fire bows. orr gallant Pacii

The fire boys, our gallant Pacif
les, have caught the mania swinging
round for fun, merriment and enjoy
ment, and are going to practically
enforce their resolves. They are go
ing to have a Grand Ball, at the Ex-
change, Hotel Ball Room, on Tuesday,
the 10th inst, and we are sure we are
not using flattery's word when we
express our opinion in advance that
it will be in all respects worthy of the
occasion, worthy of the Paci6cs.
The four democrats in the Democrat
Office have received their courtesy
bids, and kindly tender to the Paci-
FIGS most heartfelt thanks therefor.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
"A YOUNG Hartford merchant

"A YOUNG Hartford merchant
called on ayoung lady a few evenings
since, and was shown into the parlor
to await her appearance, when, the
lamps being unlit, he removed a
large quid Of tobacco from his mouth
and threw it out of the window, as
he supposed. When the lady ap-
peared with light, the most promi-
nent object in the room was that
young man staring in a very cmbar-
raised way at big chunk of tobacco
pinning the lace curtain to the un-
opened window.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

WE go to press much earlier
than usual, because it is fair "Fair
Week." and hence though we issue a
day after the first days proceedings,
we can have no account of them-we
must anticipate matters, that the
whole office may have ample time to
pay their respects every day to the
Festivity-and still we will be on
time next issue with all about the
Fair and its doings.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
7:2s.-7:sS 81.


As the races are progressing at our
Fair Grounds, and shoss-talk" just
now is alt the go with the b'hoys, we
hear and have to listen to heap in
that line, which the truth of horse
history does not notch down. For
instance, here in Rapides the home
Of the renowned Lecomte, by Boston
out of Reel, we actually heard it as
serted that his time in four mile
race had often been beaten, and that
lit is not so that he was ridden in his
great race without whip or spurs.-
We happen to know that this is all
bosh, and here assert at this appro-
pirate time FOR our Fair folks, that
Lccomte, in his great race with Lex
ington and Reube, at the Metarie
Course, near New Orleans, on the
l4th Of April 1854, was ridden by
Abe, without whip or spurs, carried
in that race three and three quarter
pounds over weight, and won the race
handily and at his ease, and that the
time stands to this day the best on
record of a legitimate four mile race
of heats: 7:26-1:3S
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
~>-..-Ss-,-o~o~~-

-THIs is Fair week, and all the
world and his wife Of Rapides and
elsewhere are here, and perfect gala
week are we having of it and going to
have till the end of it-fine music,
Yeager's unsurpassed Band-E. J.
Ellis, the Fairs gifted orator here
plenty of fine race horses-plenty of
fine utilities and niceties on exhibit
tion-plenty to eat and drink, and
that of the very best-fne company,
graced by nearly all the fair ones of
the Parish-surely all these good
things considered, no one can be so
envious Us to wish to mar our fun
and sport, the Legitimate inheritance
of all typos in a decent Democratic
printing establishments fault fin
ders bear with us one time for luck,
and here's that same luck for lag.
niappe iu return.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

SpRoULE & MCCowN.-This old
and justly popular firm will remove
on the first of October, to the elegant
and spacious store, corner of St.
Charles and Common Streets, New
Orleans. This is one eff the most
convenient and centrally located
stands in the city, and under its new
proprietors WILDE filed with an i'm
mense stock of clothing, shirts and
gentlemen's furnishing goods.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

-a-fHiL. II. Oswald, who continu-
ally AYERS he is no kin to the other
Phil. H., has been to New Orleans
and returned on Monday, and you
can bet your last greenbacks that he
was not idle while in New Orleans.
His full stock, now opened and open
ing, will prove that we write by the
card.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

The mercantile house of John
A. Williams Co., of our Town, cor
ner of Second and DeSoto Streets,
has recently been replenished with a
large and complete stock of new
goods, fresh groceries and full sup
ply of ready made clothing, boots,
shoes, hats, ETC., etc. These were
selected and purchased in person by
the senior of the firm, and are offered
for sale on the most reasonable rates
and terms.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

We did not receive our usual
package of papers from the Colonel
A. ?. Kouns-Charlie Drown is no
longer her head clerk-gone to take
charge Of the Office of the new boat
built for Captain Charlie Truslow and
himself.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

B. G. DUKE returned from New
Orleans on Monday by the Packet,
where he had been on his usual Fall
purchasing trip. During that time
he was not unmindful of the real
wants of the customers of the estab-
lisLment over which he presides, and
they can now be assured of this fact
by giving him q call-his stock in
all its varied branches, as announced
in the card of the house, can
always be seen in the Democrat.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13

-W1rH yesterdays setting sun in
Ohio was ended the greatest and
hardest fought political fight, which
has occurred perhaps in the present
century. In the Saturdays mail we
shall know the result and be pleased
or chagrined accordingly. AS we
write we feel that old William Allen
has risen again and that the Democ-
racy can't be checked in their onward
career. Nous ge,To,ts.
The Louisiana Democrat. [volume] (Alexandria, La.) 1845-1918, 1875-10-13
TIE "Fair Balr' comes off FRIDAY

'-THE "Fair Ball' comes off Friday
night, and we are almost sure our
fair ones who will attend, need some
little bJoas to perfect their toilettes
and right here we make bold to
approach them aud gently whisper
in their ears that the place to get
them and roas en- fair Is at Fecsu-
son schnask's.