The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-09-17
HIS.

quence OF MS poor heaItn, wants
his execution delayed.
A Virginia baby has q fondness
for ink, and it's plain that he'll new
er make a Philsdelphhia editor.
Where ten men will cheerfully
lay down their lives for woman,
only one will carry her scuttle of
coal.
People who carry chewing gum
and postage stamps loose in their
pockets do not complain of lack of
business.-[ Danbury News.
A North Carolina editor will dress
his paper in mourning for $40 if any
one dies, and his liberal terms have
endeared him to the hearts of a
whole county.
A Mount Methel township far
mer cut open an old hornets nest,
Just 10 examine the inside arrange
ment. He says he thinks he will be
able to see his barn in about two
weeks.
Never mind, sonny. The rain
makes boys grow" remarked a.
Massachusetts tramp the other day,
when he took silk umbrella away
from a lad in the midst of a rain
storm.
Three northerners, with capital
of SIS to swing on, have started a
| fire insurance company in Louisiana
and are taking in everybody who
wants perfect indemnity against loss
! by the ffend.
1t is said that Booth broke his leg
for an advertisement, and the plan
worked very nicely. We trust that
his success may induce some others
to break their necks.-[ Free Press.
A Missouri man tried to ride a
mule across a creek thirty feet deep.
The man was drowned, but the mule
crossed in safety, walking on the
bottom and breathing through his
ears.
When a man goes to a quilting
party about tea time, and sits down
on ball of wicking with long
darning needle in it, he will think
of more things connected with
darning in minute than he can
mention i'll two hours.
Rules very frequently suggest
evils that would probably not other
wise occur to the pupils. An anx-
lous mother on leaving home said
"Children, don't you put beans in
your noses" When she came back
every nose had a bean in it, of
course.
The happiest moments in a wo-
mans life are when she is making
her wedding garments; the saddest
| when her husband comes home late
| .lf nj yh nd
front steps to throw him out some
key holes, assorted sizes.-T Detroit
Free Press.
Peter Cooper, of Mississippi, set
a spring gun to shoot q chicken
thief, but killed the wrong man.
Peter was not arrested, because he
happened to be the wrong man, and
his funeral expenses amounted to
more than all his chickens were
WORTH Norristown Herald.
Thunder" exclaimed a man,
rushing into a railroad telegraph
station the other day. ''The express
trains gone off the big bridget"
"Many killed ?" screamed the by
ISLANDERS. "Not one," replied the
other. "She just went on at one
end and went off at the other, just
as usual"
| A MassachG sets man is currying
favor with the fair sex by a tract in
which he seeks to show that there
are two heavens, one for men and
one for women. The latter are to
pass into their heaven without dis
elimination, but the men are to be
sifted before admission.
The ignorance of foreigners is
something superb. Dumas has writ
ten an American novel, in which a
coon Chases couple of young L. S.
| lovers up tree, then tries to reach
them by gnawing through the
trunk. Dumas says the Virginia
coon is as large as a yearling calf.
II N. Y. Commercial Advertiser.
A colored man, employed as a
deck hand on a propeller, was rush
ing around town yesterday, and in.
quiring where the polls were.
"POlls? Polls? 2" repeated the citi-
zens, "why, there's no election GO
ing on now" "There hain't ?" "No,
SIR" The man stood for moment
looking greatly disappointed, and
turned for the river with the re-
mark: "And now de programme is
to find dat sleek young man who
said dey was paying six dollars q
piece for voters !"--l Free Press.
The editor of the Dresden Doings
is rather absent minded. He held
the position of local on the ST. AL
bans Pioneer, several years ago, and
was alone in the Office writing up
some items one morning, when a
stranger came in and presented a
scrap of paper with the words
scrawled awkwar6Iy: 81 am dumb
and deaf, and have nothing to buy
bread can you help me?" Wheel
ing glanced at it, looked up, then
out of the window, trying to recall
) local item. How long have you
been that way" he asked, little
absently. about ten years." said
the dumb man, thrown off his guard.
! The local instantly resumed his Ia
q 5ors and the mendicant did not
PERSIST.