Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-09-09
Where a Classical Education was
Thrown Away.


got such things as three highly edi
Gated sons on your hands, what cam
supp it themselves, and all living oil
the old man? You know you haint
and as have, CESS l know as much
| about this edication matter as you do
| cuss the day when liturary ambisun
broke out in my family fit three
sons to kollege, and if had not one
son left 30 stay on the farm and work
with me, we should all on us be takir
a deep interest in the annual appro.
priations for the town.
My Silas studied law, and all the
rite he has yet seen, has been on his.
self. He has to sware out of jail
three times a week, regular trips he
makes, Monday, Wednesday and
Friday, like the Rhode Island from
Stonington.
He has got as pretty little Offs
as ever you see, with the legal work
of Smollett, Byrons, and all them
great Jurists ranged on shelves-the
portraits of Rufus Chote and that CURL
what dances so good at the theatur,
hung up on the walls We furnish
him with all these necessaries of the
legal profession, and although he
smokes and drinks beer, and does all
young lawyer ought to do to win
confidence and public esteem, it is all
no 60.
He belongs to ten secret societies,
and / tell him | wish to God he'd jine
one so secret his creditors could not
find him.
He buys all his tobacco in my name
for fear of its being attached, and as
for his beer, he drinks five dollars
worth at time, and then swears
right out on it. He is getting low
spirited now, and says that all the
Blackstone he wants to know is the
Blackstone river, with a big stone tied
to his neck, which made his mother
cry, but told him he was of age and
| had no control over him.
Poor Silas, when he graderated at
kollege, his orashun was or" ga CLASH
cal edication indispensable to success
in life."
His mother and I cried in the Bap-
| fist Church when we heerd him de-
liver it, we did not know what for
then, but hev since found out. ] tell
Silas the only chance I see ahead for
him is to take to drink strong, then
reform, and may be the temperance
folks will shove him along and keep
him moral.
My t'other boy, Ezra, studied to be
doctor. The first case he had was
Hawkins, that was goard SO bad by
Olneys big bull. Hawkins had six,
good stiff horns aboard of his own be-
fore the bull muxed. with him, which
made it a bad case, Ezra wanted to
be sure, so be gave him all the medi>
cine he had on hand at once. Just as
Hawkins was dyin he writ an affyda-
Wit that the treatment he received of
the bull was generous and humane
compared with that of his doctor.
Hawkins widow sued for malpractiss
and her lawyer told her that M. D.,
stood for murderous doses, and that
Ezra was drunk, and that he was a
doctor of many drains but few scru-
pies. AT this joke the Judge and jury
laughed like split, and they gin big
verdict against Ezra, and he run otto
California.
He drors small drafts on me often
so we know he is alive, which is more
of comfort to his mother than to me.
When Ezra graderated his orashun
was on s'Knolledge Perfection from
the Kalamites of Life" We cried
bad then, and we hev since found out
why.
But the saddest case of all was poor
little Calvin. AT the time unthinkin'
youths are spent in laying stone walls
and hoeing corn, Calvin was thinking
of the more important work of saving
souls. He entered kollege and was
finally settled over a parish at He'll.
burn Woods.
For few years things went smooth.
He not only saved other souls, but he
meekly accepted his portion of the
trials and discipline of life by getting
married and raising up little family
of souls to save.
Then bis parish got tired of him an
told him to quit, and they turned off
as they do ministers, by passing lot
of resolutions about the pain it gave
| to sunder such tender and hailed
ties.
lie and his whole family cum home
to us, and after we had got about
used up with them, / got Calvin's life
insured for all | could, and he sailed
ten months ago as commissioner to a
lot of ferocious cannibals. | have
prepared my mind to see soon from
the king of the tribe letter some
thing like this:
SIR: Your son Calvin arrived in 9
good condition While we regret &c
state that he disappointed US all sadly
in regard to the amount of gravy, il
gives me pleasure TO add that be was
tender and small boned. Should any
other member of your estimable fam
ily feel inclined to Christianive US senC
him along. We can stand it as long
as you can.
Poor Calvin's orashun was on "Th'
final results of the missionary enter
! prise"
Ny other son took no hifalutin' ide'
in his head, and therefore wasn't edi
Gated. He staid on the farm, and il
the support and comfort of our declin
ing years. He is so ignorant that h
thinks the NeU York Weekly is thu
{ ablest paper in the world, and tn
prevailing impression on his mind i
that William the Conqueror took
very active part in burning the Gas
! pee.
{ For all that, he can support himsel
: and has money in the bank, which
: more than his edicated brothers ca
: say. My opinion is that law ough
| ..ocsa1 On, o1iur tho oorp0ratiO