South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-02-19

~ n man OuS w est II 80 bON-iSEgSU
that his tailor is obliged to use circular
saw in cutting out his pantaloons.
LIZA widow. being cautioned by her
minister about flirting. said that she knew
II was wrong for maidens and wives to
fiirt, but the Bible was her authority
IL said, widows mite" She was fiirt-
ing awiully at last accounts; her pastor
acknowledged that widows mite
E0'A Lafayette, Indiana man. inst as
he was approaching the shining shore.
took his wife's hand and said: Susan
you have been good wife, we have liv-
ed together thirty-two years, and never
found button Off my shirt. I'll speak a
good word for you as soon as get thar"
ODeacon Stiles was Millerite. but
he failedto convince his wife ofthe truth
OF his doctrines. On winter night he
awoke her, exclaiming: arise. wife |
hear the chariot wheels of'God" Lie
still, You old fool" said the practical
wife; 1.-The Lord wouldn't be round here
on wheels with such good sleighing."
Ia a little girl about nine years old.
says the Detroit Free Press. was CROSSING
the Campus Martins the other day. hay
ing her fathers dinner pail on her arm,
when man gave pull at the long braid
oil her hair hanging down her back
did you do that, sir?" she exclaimed.
whirling around. He admitted that he
did, and she continued: MAY be you
don't know who / am, sir. I'm engaged
to Jack Thompson, sir, and we're 10 be
married in nine years, sirr'
"Breddern," said cullud preach
or, 81 knows that Brudder Beecher am
innocent, and you must belebe him in
nocent likewise. But it am iis possibul
he's dun been among skunks."
[@'On Monday evening his wife ask
ed him where he was going, as she OBJ
served him putting on his overcoat. II
am going to sally forth" he replied
Let me catch you going with any Sal
ly forth
E1"I swear" said a gentleman to his
mistress, you are very handsome."-
Pooh - said the lady, $50 YOU would
say if you did not think So And so
You would think" answered he" though
1 should not say So
GEV a Western barrel-maler wants in.
formation rs to whether Cooper Institute
belongs to the New York State coopers
alone, or was it built by subscription
from the craft alone.
VAn American, who has been tray
elling at night on n Mexican railroad
says he was astonished at the amount of
cock growing along the line about the
hour of daybreak. His first IMPRESSION
was that the train must be passing thro'
endless rows of roosters, but he discoy-
cred at last that every other Mexican
on the cars had game cock under his
serape.
tV"Come here, my little fellow"
said gentleman to youngster Of five
years, while sitting in parlor where
large company were assembled. do
you know me?" ''Yith thir." Whoam
|? Let me hear" You it'll the man
who kithed mamma, when papa wath in
Philadelphia
a HARD BED TO FmL.-The Junior
editor of the GdUutill-as all editors are
is noted for his modestv. When
schoolboys, he and the writer we're in.
separable companions probably because
we both stood in such holy awe of the
gals. A pair of mischievous black eyes
would stampede us quicker than n bio
dog. One day Bob was sent TO neigh
Dor Shaw's to inquire about some straw
for filling beds. Mr. Shaw was the IA
Their of six hateful girls that would ra.
Their laugh at fellow than not, and when
we arrived they were Ill seated ut din.
ner. ! lodged behind the corner. while
Bob edged carefully in at the door and.
with 4 sacred look, stammercd
Mr.. straw, can you let me have G..
nouEh Shaw to fill my bed2"
Nv ell, R" said the old rcntle.
man, elancing around the circle of ne.
tonishcd faces. I suppose so. There
are elk, besides the old woman. But
Id rather you'd leave her. ir the Girls
will be enough. Take them all. and
God bless YOU"
Perfect shrieks Of laughter went up
from those mean things. and R. tool,
70 bis heels. followed by the writer and
cries from the old man to come back and
he'd throw in the old woman too.
9 Brevitv being the soul of wit. the
Murray Hill clergyman who transformed
an old saw into the following NAV be set
down 7olemnly a. tho coffin thereof:
IOu may kinl1y enid, ti.,. .,.-......