The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-07-08

/
lively, s'if I go into the country, Mr..
Podgers goes with me. This city amt
no safe place to leave a man alone in. %
''Mr. D., if you'll get my coat
done by Saturday, shall be forever in
debted to you" eff that's your game it
! won't be DONE" said the tailor.
How woman can keep on talking
while she twists up her back hair and
has her mouth full of hairpins is amys-
terry not yet explained.
ssMinnie, I'm in such quandary for
if I turn my back on Charley he becomes
offended at once, and if I don't he can't
see my new buckle What shall do p
Artists have adopted many emblems
of charity. We wonder if none of them
ever thought of piece of India-rubber
which gives more than any other sub
| stance.
A kind-hearted, peace-loving Balti-
more man painted his front steps twenty
three times trying to please his wife, and
then she decided that the first color was
the best.
Reynolds, the dramatist, observing
the thinness of the house at one Of his
pieces, said: 81 suppose its owing to
| the piece.
A young lady, afterreading attentively
the title of novel, called "'The Last
Man," exclaimed, "Bless me, if such a
thing were to happen, what would be-
come of the women"
81 declare" said Susan, as she watch
ed the people coming into church ''that
man looks like a piece of dried beef. !"
'sHush l'' said her sister, cit isn't meet
in you to talk So
A Newark girl fastened the departure
of lingering getleman caller the other
evening by remarking as she looked out
of the window ''I think we shall have
a beautiful sunrise"
II, says a contemporary, Brigham
Young wore an additional "weed" on
his hat every time he lost a wife or
mother-in-law, it is estimated his hat
would have to be twenty-seven feet high.
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates,
of Vermont, falls dead while carrying in
an armful of wood. Show this par
agraph to your wife. Nay, cut it out
and pin it to the wcodshed door.
When boy falls and peels the skin
off his nose, the first thing he does is to
get up and yell. When girl tumbles
and hurts herself badly, the first thing
she does it to get up and look at her
dress.
A farmer complains that a hook and
ladder company has been organized in
his neighborhood. He states that the
ladder is used after dark for climbing
into the hen-house, after which the hook
ing is done.
Quin, the actor, being asked by lady
why there were more womenin the world
than men, replied, "It is in conformity
with the other arrangements of nature
we always see more of heaven than of
earth.'
''Write me while I am away" said
Jones to Mrs. Jones, after an affection
ate goodbye. 'sTreacherous man !"
meditated the lady. "Not one letter
does he get He wants to sell them to
one of those Western papers.
A California octgenarian had buried
three wives whose maiden names were
Green, Grass, Groze. He stirred up the
fire with kerosene the other day, and
now he lies in the cold, cold grave, and
the green grass grows above him.
Two years ago Pennsylvania servant
girl was sent to Prison fer stealing from
her employer. The money was found
the other day where he had hidden it,
and now the man offers the girl Sc as
recompense, while she is willing to set
tie for ten thousand.
A paragraph is going the rounds of
the newspapers to this effect There is
one good wife in the country, aud every
man thinks he has her. Old Brown,
who is bald, and whose wife has red hair
and a wicked eye, read this and murmur-
ed, as he meditatively passed his hand
over his head, ST dunno dunno p
MARY, why did you kiss your hand
to the gentleman opposite, this morn
ing?" said a careful mother to her
blooming daughter. ''Why, the gentle
man had the impudence to throw kiss
clear across the street, and, of course,
l threw it back Indignantly You
wouldn't have me encourage him by
keeping it, would you %
s'WeIl, my son. said Detroit father
to his eight-year-old-son, the other night,
''what have you done to-day that may
be set down as good deed ?" ssGave
poor boy five cents, replied the hope
full. "Ah, alb that was charity, and
charity is always right. He was an or
phan, was he % 81 didn't step to ask, p
replied the boy II gave him the money
for licking boy who upset my dinner
basket T.