Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1875-05-22
wrr Avn uIU,IOR.
If thy enemy wrvng thee, buy eac.
of his children a drum.

If thy enemy wrvng thee, buy eac.
of his children drum.
johnny, what are you doing, my
son 7" ''Ohl nothing, only tr,ing 10
hit Frank on the fingers with the hatch
Ct"
7 ale has left a void that csnnot easily
be filed" as the bank director touci,-
s ingly remarked OF the sbscondiug cash
ier. f.H
! A Stark county, H., woman commit
ted suicide the other day because no
circus compan. had visited her vicinity
for two years.
Eli Love, Of Wayne county, Ohio,
climbed tree to shake out coon. The
! dogs heard something drop and weat
for il, but it was not the coon. II was
Eli.
Out in Wisconsin horse kicked aud
killed hook agent, wbereup,n the cit
izens made, a donation l,arty for tho
horse, aud he nov has oats enough 70
last him iull horse ht.tins."
20 Lord" prayed Methodist minis
ter, "keep me humble and poor! I'D
Lord, if Thou wilt keep him hdmble."
said the deacon who next prayed, I'VE
will see to it that he is kept poorT
One woman OF mental activity can,
il she has any ambition, keep ten fami-
lies miserable eleven months in the
year.
Sewing machine men and insurance
agents don't want to say word Tor six
months TO the man who walked eighteen
miles to call for an advertised letter, and
found it was printed advertising cir.
cular.
A slight young man sat down on an
inverted flour brand in Jenkins store,
the other day, aud when he arose the
general public were informed that he
was "warranlcd-i9e !Is." The effect
was peculiar.
Old Mrs. Smith Of Sandusky, Ohio,
left her patent churn open last saturday
to dismiss book agent from the door.
The Cat that was taken out after ma
hours churning was not rs lively as
when it jumped in.
asked n maiden Of seventy-three,
how old a lassie would Get to be, ere
hope of welded bliss ilet; said seventy
three you needn't ask me, inquire Vt
Susan Il. Anthony.
The Chicago Poet and mills Of the
opinion that, although the Marquis 10
Caux is not dead, when he reads Ia the
obituaries that he is = there pendaut 10
PATHS skirts, and lives by virtue Vi her
voice aud favor, he will wish he WAS.
A Kentucky Legislator was rccently
missing for threc days. The fourth
found bin back in his seat. 10 the IN.
quiries Of friends, he replied that he
had been sick Being asked what the
matter wss--"Well," said be, "soine
folks call it nervous chills; others pro
nouuye il kind OF All; ction Of The
heart; but 10 be candid. cali IL plain
case of old-tasllionesl. drunk"
at isn't loud praying which counts
so much with the Lard NJ giving four
quarts tor every gallon says an Arkan-
sas circuit rider.
Rev Robert Collyer's version Of the
statement that no man can serve two
masters is, "You cant have the dyspep-
sia and serve the Lord at the same
time" And yet there arc great many
out Of the pulpit aid in il who arc try.
ing TO. aai 'ia
The young men and rnaidens Of Mil
waukee did not skip round festive
pole on May-day. Reason furious
snow storm ragged from dawn until dark.
The people who had 10 move skipped
around" snd--soins Of thein--swore,
too. 9t
A girl screamed in lecture audience
in Lafayette, Oregon. Then oil the
others screamed. General consternstion
ensucd, aud rush for the doors. Peo-
pie were bruised, clothes torn, aud the
room at length was emptied. The Grst
screaIner had ssen rat. W
A reverend gentleman, during . 90
journ among the hills OF New lamp
shire, stopped at cottage aud inquir.
ed Of the occupant II there were sny
Episcopaliars 10 the neigbborhood. II
don't exactly know" replied the dame,
.'but believe Jcha shot one in tho
garden last week, but he thoushtit was
. chipmunk.
When the Duchess OF Edinburg
wants to talk picey-iiccy to her boy
baby, all she has to say l., "Aud was it
its own muszys blsssed little Albert
Alexander Alfred Ernest Wil;issu 7"
And then the overbnr.leDed iUfaut goes
into conyulsions that would twist the
backbone right out Of a plebeian baby.
"What's your businessf' said tbs
magistrate of 9 police court 10 . prs.
oucr. Elm an obssrvstivnisi, sirs'
whats that !" '-Oae who looks arouud
in day time to see what ne can steal
after night, II II pleases your worship"
Mustard-colored underwear will b
all the rage for gentlemen this summer.
Perhaps its intended 10 make them
"snart" during the heated term
An old lady along tho moantsin asys
her turkeys ars the most decsissul
''nest hiders she ever saw. She knows
a L.. Il