The Weston Democrat. [volume] (Weston, W. Va.) 1875-current, 1875-08-30
IN TIE DETROIT POLICE COURT.


IlOnor's Prculinrltics.
TIE GOOSE QUESTION.
"Mrs. O'Lonc, whyfore aud for what
valid reasons did you interfere with the
police while they were driving geese to
the poundi !" asked the court OF the next
prisoner.
eyer honor, s'pose you owned four
teen geese"
Yes, mndam."
"And ye was hard-working womnn'"
Eyes"
"And the geese made feathers for
yer beds and dinner for Christmas q
Yes"
"And yer husband was dead, and
yer children had nobody to love but the
gcesc?"
"Ycs, Mrs. OLonc.'
"And would ye sthand by and see n
policeman wild red nose drive them
geese to the pound, Will the children
wiping their eyes for grief !"
"Madam OLouc, You may return
home. You must not interfere with the
officers again, and I hope the officers
will not get sight Of your geese another
timc this summer. Give my respects to
tho children, shut your geese up, and
the worLd will jog along as before"
An OBSTINATE MAN.
4 young man with rcd eyes and long
lair came ont in answer to the call for
Martin Van Burcn.
".iny relation to the President by that
name Z" asked the court.
"No, sir-I am the President him.
sclf!' replied the young man.
"Wmt!"
"I am Martin Van Burcn, cx-Prcsi-
dent of the United States" loftily re-
piled the prisoner.
"That's pretty COOL" said his honor,
rs he folded up sheet Of paper. "iou
arc not over your drunk yet
~ was never drunk i'll my life, sir !"
"Wlmt? Why, here's warrant clarg-
ing You with that oifcnsc, and here's the
officer ready to swcar!"
"Can't help that, sir. My position MS
cx-Prcsilcnt Of the United States OF
America should be guarantee Of my
social habits
"Young man. do You think I'm
fool?"
"No, sir"
AZ thought you did. 1 thought so
from your talk"
"Wcll, sir, | am Martin Vm Buren,
cx-Presilcnt of tho United States Of
America, and that ends it," sIil the
young man.
"No, it doesn't; I'll send you to the
house of correction for sixty days, and
more than that, I'll say TINT You are the
checklist young man who hns ever mp
pcarcd ut this bar"
"Martin Van Buren, can stand it,"
was the reply, and he w'ls removed.
IN CONSIDERATION.
His honor looked at Timothy Hcndcr.
son for n long time. Timothy was worth
looking Mt. II he had been wrecked on
an island md lived there for n score Of
years alone, ho could not have been more
dilApidntcd in general look.
"rimothy, Ito you want to bC sent up
for three months I" asked the court.
"No, SIR"
"You are willing to do most anything
if l let You 60, aren't you!"
"Ycs, sir.
"Well, now, will you wash yourfacc?"
Eyes"
"And have your hair cut !"
"Ycs."
"And clean your linger.nails!"
"Ycs."
"Aud get money enough to get shaved
with, even if you have to steal it 7"
"Y,s, sir"
"Wcll, you may go. l am here to
enforce the law, but l don't believe you
come under my jurisdiction"
"TnEEE WAS AN OLD WOMAN"
"Good graciousl but who brought
this old woman in here!" exclaimed his
honor, as nj agcd female, leaning on n
cane, hobbled ont.
~ did, replied one Of the officers.
Well, takchcr out to thcavcnuc and
pay her street car fare home. l don't
propose to rob the cradle or the grave to
ill prisons"
The old lady hobblcd out, Bijah closed
the court and the boys played Mozlrt's
twelfth mass OH their month.organs.-
Free Press.