The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-10-01
VARIOUS rTTnas.

Men who stir mp strife are generally
towards. An anonymus writer is careful
to be non in any miiss himself
straisbsy raj say ew sI MhS " SbuaSef SSet Tg goa a
feller3walk straight after drinking crooked
whisky?''
.sDigby, will you take some of this but.
ter?n Thank you. 'am, I'm Coed
Templar. Can't take anything sssF4n9, =
replied Digby. ,4
If boy with bean shooter 10 . mind
to buckle right down to the business he can
make n whole neighborhood respect his
opinions and seek bis friendship,
The heaviest snorer we have heard Of is
the man whose wife woke up the otleE
night during a tempest, saying she did
! wish ncs Would stop, snoring, 1or she
wanted to hear the thunder.
Bootmaker. who has d deal Of troubia
with his customer. .ssI think, sfr, II yon
were to cut your colns, cotild more easily
y. Cat my earnstssla IasR you u AE ME q
| pair of boots 10 my feet, sir! Pm no&
going to plane my feet down to at your
| boots.'' e 4.
| ts.One angle more in heaven ia what q
county tombstcne says. Where is tho
Tie iron shirt which has been ss invented
IN Pittsburg viii prove an excellent thing
for hard ware.
A little girl, three years old. brought
| our pen back the other day and said she
wanted some juice put into ft.
Take very little account OF what your
neigh5ors think of you, but think much Of
what God thinks OF yoff.
A Fulton (N..Y. chap went to church
with his girl and hung his hat on her bus.
tie, which came up over the top Of the seat.
Indiana death notice The cadaver Of
Ef. InAa II
tains dozen eggs, big cucumber and
quart, or whisky. safgsr =.
Somebody remarked to old Bill .kllen, Of
Ohio, that he would be the next President.
and he. said ssWell, it would be just any
luck to be elected -
The Plattsburg Register says. .stake care
Of little things is the way. to get rieh.n
has to take care Of the harder it Is for him
to get rich.
Sherman says that Beechcr doesen't kiss
my more than any other preachers. This
makes the annual number of clerical kisses
in the United States 27,365, ,4S5. without
counting the legitimate domestic arttcle.
The subscriptions in Germany 20 ideuti-
State grants amount to only $3.50. 900, less
than half The sum withdrawn. There ~
no hope of forming sufficient fund for
disinherited priests. ~
A Brooklin sick girl cleared space around
thirteen ears Of greon corn at one meal the,
other day, and picked the fragments from
between her teeth with hair pin, ,observ-
ing: s'If ever get well enough, ag4In 70
eat much, think could live on cotn.n
According to the United States census
report OF 1870 Lane county; had In that
year a population OF 6, ,246; the census Just
eoDsRsao b & Piss 1h county ~ ysa v
years of 1862, The increase from 1850 to
40 was 1,645. !,
A little girl in Reading, Pa, recently
saw an old drunken man lying ON the
door step, the pelspiration. pouring on his
face and q crowd of children preparing to
make fun of him. She took her litCle apTot1
and wiped his face, and then looked up so
pitifully to the rest and made this remark
s'Oh, say. don't hurt him he's somebody's
grandpa
CoNpENcED THEM.-One Of the lady
speakers at an Indiana Sunday school In-
stitute condensed her objections 20 che way
some speaker dilute the plain words 6f
Scripture for cfildren's ears into ona sCfI-
cient sentences: 1.-THE Bible does indeed
say milk for babies, but It does not say
water the miik.''
At a school examination In Connecticut
the other day. a girl of sixteen stepped for
ward and began to read her Composition. -
1t was headed s.The Beecher Trial. ., and.
she was going on to say: "Adam. and Eve
partook Of the forbidden fruit. p when. the
lady principal rushed forward and led the
astonished pupil to seat, thus depriyinG
the worldE of what NO doubt would ha&e
been valuable addition to the scandal llt-
ueratre. 81
It has never been our good fortune
to make boast OF this country in the
presence OF an Irshman that he did not
say, "Yis, that's SO, but they haye
8 -. I. w IS y ltaTas -