The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-09-24

Friday. sEPrRNBsrtRI 8. $50
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~ II
Old McStinger was going to bed
. little wAvy the pother, mighty and |
not wishing to disturb Mrs. Nd
Singer, who has Q tongue like b |
rat-tail dle, he thought, just as well |
not to turn on the gas. He got on |
very we'll until he reached the door |
Of, the chamber where his patient
wife lay sleeping. Here he paused
. moment balancing on his heels
like Q pole on 9 jugglsrIs nose.
Then he made q dash for 1t, In order
to make . bee line across the hoof.
Mrs. McStinger, with her usual
exemplary fortitude, had placed the
rocking chair with such gifted skill
that no man could come into, the
room without ruhhiEg' over It; so
the first thing he knew, McStinger
stubbed bis tOernsil OH against. the
rocker, which knocked the seat
against the crazy bone of his knee
and made one of the long arms prod
him In the stomach. Simultaneous
ly he fell over the char crosswise
and 1t kicked him behind his back
before he could get up from the
floor, as he stood on all-fOurs. The
engagement was now fully opened.
When q man begins falling over
rocking-chairs In q dark room. he
ought always to have three days
ratlons and forty rounds.
Before McStinger could get up
straight his knee came down on one
OF the long rockers behind, and
the back of the chair came down on
his head with Q whack that laid him
out fat on the floor, and before he
could move the chair kicked him
three times in the tenderest part of
the ribs with the sharp end Of its
rockers. This made him perfectly
furious, and he scrambled up and
made o b!inI rush at the chair, de-
termined to blow up the enemy's
works. He ran square against the
back, and It rocked forward with
him, turning q complete somersault
over the handles, throwing Nc
Singer half way across the room
and landing on top Of him, digging
into his abdomen like q bulls horns,
a. he lay spread out on the under
side. It would hAYe been q good
thing for McStinger If he had lain
still then and let the choir have its
own way.
It lay on it's back with the long
points of the rockers embracing his
abdomen, and didn't seem to want
to do anything active just then.
But McStinger couldn't make up
his mind to give Il up yet. He roll
cd over sideways and upset the
chair. It fell with q crash on its
side, giving him q furious dig in the
liver, which made him straighten
out his legs spasmodically, barking
one shin from the instep to the knee
on the rocker which hung In the air
and getting the chair on its feet
again, where IL stood rocking back
ward and forward like u wary old
ram making feints of bUcking its
adversary, In order To throw him
of his guard. The blow in the sid g
nearly finished McStiger, aud while
lying there Iubbing his wind back
again, he wa4 just b, giIuing 10 re-
fleet Whether his honor rryuii ed
him to proceed any iur.icr IN the
affair, hen Mrs. McStirger sud
denly began screaming all The names
in the crimes act, under the im-
preston that the Charley Russ abb
ductOrs were try ing Ia commit q
burglary, bigamy, robbery and
everything else.
Up to this time she had been
speechless with terror, and had
lain there tremb bling, shedding per-
spiration and accommodating Shrek
ing power, until she had gained the
screaming capacity of camel back
engine. She had just reached her
third sforzGRd0 .fortissimO Gcceter-
dnd0, when old McStinger succeed
ed in getting TO his feet once more
and became dimly Visible to Mrs.
McStinger. With one last wild
parting shrek she sprand from the
bed and made dash for the door,
near which the rocking chair still
stood, menacing the whole universe
with butting motion. Mrs. Nc
Singer had no time for investiga-
ton just then, and she pitched into
and over the rocking chair and clear
on down stairs, the chair after her,
turning over and over, and kicking
Mrs. McStinger every bump, until
theY both landed in the hall below,
where the chair broke all to atoms.
This ended the fight.
If wives will learn from this sad
story not to leave rocking chairl
standing around in the middle Of
the room for their poor husbands to
fall over, We shall not have written
in vain.