The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-06-26
VARIETY.

Bur OSE--New Bedford has but one whalel
Ieft-a schoolmaster.
PROPERLY CHRIsrESED.-A baby in Milwaukee
has been christened - Zero in honor Of the cold
Sunday upon which he was born.
CoSErDEScE.-The one needfuI thing for the
perfect enjoyment or love is eonGdence-same
with hash and sausages.
Ban CoPT.-A Poughpeeksie paper mentions
an Internal meeting by certain eergymen, The
word intended was - informal,' bat the compost
tor said the copy was bad, and how should be
know.
OLD.-Two Irishmen travelling on the BaIti-
more and Ohio railroad tract, came 10 a mile post
when one Of them said 90 Tread aisy, Pat here
lies q man lO5 years old-his name was Miles
from Baltimore"
CoLDLY.-The Sotter BGnAer thus coldly treats
the Offering of aspiring tyrO: Z" We have
gone over it with four-h0rse magnifying glass
and found nothing worthy OF being put IN print
we NAV Be -casti1g n gem in the waste-basket,
but we rather guess nos
wouID TT Nor R-The Austin (Neyada) ReveiAs
makes this suggestion: As the spelling-mateh
mania seems to Be dying out, would 1t not DC a
goyd idea % get up q series OF lying matches
1es the witnesses in the Be6cher case challenge an
equal number OF editors
Handy FFr.-A contemporary asks: q What
are the street lamps fOrP' The man who dOesn {
know what street lamp Is Tor is hardly ht 70 sit
h an editorial chair ard mold public opinion
\ itreet Iamps are Tor weary young men to recline
Z 9aiust asmiduight, when they forget the way
pme.
rux Frusr QUESTION When two Pike county
= a.. ahout 60 make q mule trade, the first
-uestion asked by the would-be purchaser is
what's his record" Seller replies 4 Ihree %
.,nd eouple dozen dashboard" Here's
n,o-sv- - and the new owner leads bis prop
.lg of-
p,.xo-PLAYISG.-An Indianian, describing a
20 ,;~noiste, said shat she "a yanked a hand
- II .be centre and slanted EN- at the end,
-;o1Ied around with two fingers, grabbed
,.nofher fstful punched right and LEFT, went
nm down haDd over is., and 1 tell yer that
ipianner howled.
KsD ESorcH.-An enterprising reporter who
us.ak 10 report an execution, asked the pinioned
,naI who was Just ready TO be - worked on,
swo1Id be kind enough "a to wriggle bis little
- while he was conscious, so that the re-
~ could form some conception OF how long
sleIt that be was being hanged.
Tn, Rx REIIEvED.-The Reading Times tells
nj then il may be the work OF an Imagina-
reporter The following Is taken verbatim ili
"a heading cIergyman's diary April 24th-
fur az Church Met cats, in the lecture
- 80 The astonished readers mind will be re-
IN know that the seeming levity OF the
Tman meant: - Had a funeral at church,
MET catechumens in the lecture room
iuI Buy HEAP.-" How much to telegraph
Aica1o2'' inquired citizen of African de-
tas one Of the telegraph Offices IN Detroit.
ftT cents" was the reply. Thunderation,
Al fact - exclaimed the negro. " My ole
ans powerful bad OF, and she wants her
ITO come along right smart, but guess II
ITO make de mail do. Dat torty-seven cents
~lT buy heap OBJ Sunday meat
aavr CH11D.-Tbe other day New York lady
vent to pay her respects TO one Oa 'ne
Ioouv took place between her and the little four-
,ar1nId sister Of the new conner. " i have come
br that baby now,'' said the lady: " You can
- ave h, was the reply. % But must !; 1 came
N vs- on rurra-e - urged the visitor. ' We can {
nnrs n M all, persisted the child, but III
rta piece Of paper and you can cut out e pat
NJ woxnxz.-A LADY went in a corner gro
srv the other day, for some triaing thing. The
rrds vvanted were on the very top shell. Inc
suman ulaced box on chair and eilmoed up 20
Ae sbeIf at the evident risk OF her limbs. her
Su.band sat by the stove playing with small cog:
LsJ1said. sSWby don't you make your husband
such it9'' A look Of infinite contempt came INTO
- s,cs "a sbe replied "My husband! got
,-s-IIv -ueIsd in NIT dat man. He knows moth
!, q but to play NIT a dog
Eo.rvS,s REGHrEz.-The following burlesque
.ntences about Women's Rights come from las
hnia: al am here to-day ior tne PP PuIPoeo y.
kcu-sin9 Women's Rights, recusslng her wrongs
I. 4. IA cTssi1,r the men believe the sexes were
seatsd perfectly equal. with the woman a iIttie
,o-s s,naI tuafl the man. Man is a failure, and
bless NV stars my mother was q woman: / no'
aly maintain these principles, Dut
nrbaDra besides What we want - the trancnise.
I'd The franchise We are bound to nave even
" have to swim in q sea gore.