The Marietta journal. [volume] (Marietta, Ga.) 1866-1909, 1875-09-03
THE sU1rEm HOUSE.

ranged for the special comfort and
convenience of Summer boardeTs.
On the arrival, each guest will be
asked how he likes the situation, and
if he says the Hotel ought to have
been placed upon the knoll, or far
Their from the road down toward the
village, the location ofthe house will
be Immediately changed. Corner
front rooms, up only one flight for
every guest. Baths, gas, water
closet, hot and cold water. laundry,
telegraph, restaurant, fire alarm,
barroom, Dolly paper, the city jour>
nal, coupe, sewing machine, grand
piano, clergyman, and all modern
conveniences in every room. Meals
every minute if desired and conse-
quently no second table. English,
French and German dictionaries fur
nished to every guest to make up
such bill of fare as he may desire,
without regard to the bill affair af,
terward in the office. Walters of
every nationality and color desired.
Every waiter furnished with IL
bretto, button-hole bouquet, full
dress suits, ball tablets, and his hair
parted in the middle. Every guest
will have the best seat in the dining
hall and the best waiter in the
house.
Any guest not getting his break.
fast red hot, or experiencing delay
of sixteen seconds after giving his
order for dinner, will please mention
The fact to the office, and the cook
and the walters will be blown from
the mouths of cannon, in front of the
Hotel, at once. Children will be
welcomed with delight, and requests
ed to bring hoop sticks and haw-
keys to bang the carved rosewood
furniture especially provided for
that purpose, and peg tops to spin
on the velvet carpet; and they will
be allowed to bang on the piano at
all hours, yell in the halls, slide
down the banisters, fall down stairs,
carry away dessert enough for
small family, in their pockets, at din
ner, and make themselves as disa-
greeable as the fondeSt mother can
desire.
Washing allowed in rooms, and
ladies' giving an order to "put me on
a fiat iron" will be put on one at any
hour of the day or night. A dis
Greet waiter, who belongs to the
Masons, Odd Fellows, and Knights
of Pythas, and who was never known
even to tell the time of day, has
been employed to carry milk punch>
es and hot toddies to ladies room in
the evening.
Every lady will be considered the
belle of the house, and row boys will
answer the belle promptly. Should
any row-boy fail to appear at a guests
door with pitcher of ice water,
more towels, a gin cock tail, and
pen, ink and paper, before the
guests hand has left the bell knob,
he will be branded Front on the
forehead and imprisoned for life.
The Office clerk hassbeen careful,
ly selected to please everybody, and
can lead in prayer, play draw poker,
match worsted at the village store,
shake for drinks at any hour, day or
night, play billiards, is a good walt
ger, aud can dance the German,
make fourth at euchre, amuse chill
dren, repeat the Beecher trial from
memory, is good Judge of horses,
as railway or steamboat reference
is far superior to Appleton's or any
body else's guide, will hirt with any
young lady, snd not mind being cut
dead when pa comes down : doesn't
mind being damned any more than a
Connecticut river, can room forty
people in the best room 10 the house
when the hotel is,,full, attend to the
annunciator, aud answer questions
in Greek, Hebrew, Choctaw, Irish,
or any other polite language, at the
same moment without turniog
hair.
Dogs allowed in any room in the
house, including the w(h)iue room.
Gentlemen can drink, smoke, swear,
chew, gamble, stare at new arrivals,
and indulge in any ether innocent
amusement common to all watering
places, in any part Of the hotel
The landlord will always be happy
to hear that some other hotel is. 1.-THE
best house in the country Special
attention given to parties who can
give information as tos "how these
things are done in Yewrup." The
proprietor will take it ASA personal
atfrout ii any guest on leaving should
TAIL t, dispute his bill, tell him that
he is a swindIer. his house barn,
his table wretched, his wines vile,
and that he, the guest, was never SO
imposed upon in his life, will never
stop there again and means to warn
his friends.
II say. Pat. what are You about