Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-01-27

Facefin.

~ q '0h years biography OF MS
THERE is q vile hypoerite in Bethle-
hem, Pa. He actually entertained a
company IN honor of the anniversary of
the birthday of his mother in-law.
MRS. DARLINGTON, reading Of the
strike Of the wire drawers, remarked.
"Ah, me, what new-fangled !thisnc
Won't they wear next %
AND now they say William Penn
would sit down under a tree with In
dams about him, and, telling them of
the better world beyond the sea, deal
himself four aces and win the game.
A MEMPHIS, Mo-, medium ep 3rts lit
tie Charley Ross all hunk In Para
disc He's happier there, where
Katie King can show him all the nice
things Mr., Owen gave her.
READING the great Surgeons decla-
ration, GA cigar is thing to thank
God for" a Navy Yard school boy
bought cigar. He was afterwards
seen hanging over a fence, but he was
not giving thanks Wash. Ghron
A CoLoRED gentleman went to consult
one of the most heightened" lawyers
in Boston, and after stating his case
said: CHOW L knows you's q lawyer;
but [ wish you would please, sar, iiss
tell me the truf bout dat matter.
THERE is a gruff old party who lives
opposite to church where the mem
bers of the choir meet twice week TO
practice, and who says if the singing
affects heaven, as it affects him. there
e L.
ness.
A THOMAS STREET school boy had
just got his face fixed to sing "Let us
love one another" when SNOWFALL hit
him in the mouth and so confused him
that he yelled: "Bill Sykes, just do
that again and I'll chaw your ear Of" -
Rome Sentinel.
AN old lady in town has became dis
gusted with almanacs. She says if all
the people i'll the country were to stop
buying almanacs, "maybe the printers
who make 'em would put in some total
eclipses of the sun and moon, and some
transits of Venuses that would be visi-
BILE here. ''-NorristO1U,1 Herald.
A GENTLEMAN, while walking III his
garden, caught the gardner asleep under
q tree. He scolded him soundly Tor his
laziness, and ended by telling him such.
a sluggard was not worthy to enjoy the
light Of the sun. cit was that reason
exactly" said the gardener, chat 7
crept up into the shade.
:" STRANGER, will you try hand with
us at poker?'' =" Thank you, gentlemen,
/ but there are seventeen reasons why I
cannot accommodate you now - Sew
enteen reasons for not playing cards?
Pray, what are they !''5 why, the first
is I haven't any money "Stop that's
enough never mind the other Sixteen
We are told that the late Mayor Hav-,
emeyer used to take exercise by saving
wood in his cellar every morning. And
Mr.. Havemeyer, it will be remembered,
died very suddenly. There are very
/ few sudden deaths among married men
of n orristown from this cause That
sort Of exercise is taken by their wives.
-NeaUtoaU1a Herald. '''.'t :, ~
l. A NEAR-sIdHrED man was riding III q
Woodward avenue. car the. other day,
when lady opposite bowed to him. He
returned the bow, raised his hat, smiled
tsweetly, aid was just wondering who
/
| pered in his ear "Oh I'll fix you for
this, old man Then he knew it was
| his wife. Detroit Press. u aT
"YoU have pleasant home and
bright freside, with happy children sit
ting round it, haven't you? said the
Judge. | g Yes SIR" said Mr. Thomp-'
son, who thought he saw the way out of
the difficulty -" Well, said the Judge,
''if the happy children sit around the
cheerful freside until you return, they
will stay there just 43 days, as [ shall
have to send you up for that time. =
| Gin. Times. .Y4.ea3t .-..sagf -a-
IT is hard winter, but the price of
ostrich tips continues panicy-or, rath-
er, there is always a panic in the house
that cherishes a desire for them without
realizing from it. When the question
comes up ''Bread or feathers % it is a
good deal as it was with the boy when
asked which of his demands was the
most Imperative Never mind the
shoes, dad," he replied, ''I must have
the bresst-piA. ''-Norvich Aarora. !! T.
A DETROIT insurance agent hired
boy the other day to mind his Office, and
went to dinner leaving the youth in
charge. When he returned he found
that the lad had whitfield one of the
table legs almost in two, and dissected .
the cushion of the swinging chair. He
was greatly annoyed and spoke sharply,
when the boy burst into tears and re
piled: ''If you don't want to let fell
Ter take any comfort I'm going to leave, p :
Detroit Press. c-Ef ssF
A THRoNG of youth and beauty glide
Amid the festive scene ); u
The dancers close, and side by side,
Upon each other lean. 81 e@s stt stsf
But one fair maid, the queen of all,
Hath on her brow a frown--- -
She feels he. pride will have fall
Her-back hairs tumbling down.
as & r - HFaSb. Caro,s.
& A GENTLEMAN was looking into the
window of a store, the other day, when
two boys halted, and one remarked
'"Say, jim, don't you wish we bad ten
cents to buy present for our poor lit
tie sister q Jim replied that he did,
and the gentleman pulled ont a shin