The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-11-26
Wit and HumOr.

Wit and Hum0r.
How 70 make good advice go long
way-Send it by telegraph.
The good little bootblack's epitaph-
"Gone to shine among the angels
A TOW BOAT will naturally burn quick
er than any other kind of water craft.
"LET's retire twenty cents of the ire
deemable, is the way they " ask man
in Kentucky now.
CRITICAL question of an old lady who
was shown a picture OF Jacob kissing
Rachel, What be they wrastling
about?"
The hungry traveller will observe the
following singular mixture on sign
near the Boston and Providence station
in Boston "Coal, Bread and Pastry.
MOUNT HoLYoKE SEMINARY has sup
piled 115 wives for missionaries. On
reading this in her paper, Martha Jane
rolled up her eyes ana exclaimed Ho-
ly yoke how appropriate!
AS OLD Mr.. ------ heaved in the last
scuttle of four tons OF coal into his cellar,
he was heard to remark, "If they had
been boys instead of girls, it wouldn't
have been thus One ton would last all
winter.
A MANUFACTURING firm in Lowell,
Mass, has secured the patent right of
noiseless shoe, which, being felt, can't
be heard. Having no creek in it, it is
also expected to keep the wearer COM
paratively dry-shod.
A GENTLEMAN was examining all UNI
brella and commenting upon its fine
quality. Eyes, said person present,
"he fancies everything he sees.
"And," added third party, sis in
clined to seize everything be fancies.
A FRENCH gentleman, who supposed
he had mastered the English language,
was sadly puzzled when friend looked
at him and said: How do you do 2"
"Do vat9' 81 mean, how do you find
yourself 2" Saire, never loses my
self" But how do you feel p "Smoot
you just feel me-.
THE other day when Detroit grocer
spelled sugar "s-h-u-g-er friend
pointed out the word and remarked
"That word isn't spelled quite right.
"Ha / see," laughed the grocer, Zone
would think had no education. eAnd
he crossed it out and wrote s-h-u-g-o-r.-
Detroit Free Press.
LUCY LARcoM began to write verses at
the age OF seven years, and an amusing
blunder occurred when one of her ear
Hest pieces was published. The editor
intended to say that they were written
under the inspiration of the 'muses -
a word that, by use of the wrong types,
was transformed into "nurses," much to
the amusement of those who knew her
age at the time.
PAPA, i want new Bunker Hill"
said Westside girl yesterday morning
"a new Bunker Hill! What under the
sun is that r. "Why, that is the name
of the latest style of bonnet" at is
Ell. Why do they call it thatl Oh,
don't know, papa" "Well, what does
it cost 70 "Only $50" "Oh. / see
now why they call it Bunker Hill. 80
"Why, papa p Because it's SO high"
"Oh, you horrid, dearp There"
When first the bride and bridegroom we'd
They love their single selves the best
sword is in the marriage bed,
Their separate slumbers not rest;
They quarrel and make up again
They give and suffer words OF pain.
Both right and wrong,
They struggle long,
Till some good day. when they are old.
Some dark day, when the bells tolled,
Death having taken their best of life.
They lose themselves, and find each other:
They know that they are husband. wife.
For, weeping, they are father, mother
n. n. St0dddrd
A CITIZEN Who has an office on Girls
void street purchased some potatoes OF
farmer the other day, and told him
where to drive and deliver them, and
4 l,,a
entered the Office In about an hour, and
the citizen said; I'm very sorry, but 1
had to meet a draft ut the bank, and
can't" F" That's all right" inter
rupted the farmer. 81 found your
landlord setting your household goods
on the sidewalk, and SO sold the veg
et,,bles to another man. Detroit Free
fDress. LLsia-t 4-.N i
Revolution In Naval Architecture.
For some time, says n Washington
telegram, the most active preparations
have been made throughout the navy
wards of the country. Officers of the
navy have united with the Secretary in
preparing plans for the proper reorgani-
cation of the navy. The most important
of the suggestions that have been offered
is the plan of Commodore Ammen, for
the building of improved rams. The
vessels that Commodore Ammen pro-
poses will necessitate complete reor
ganlzation, not only of our own navy.
but also of the navies of Europe. If his
vessels are all that he claims for them.
the dav of the ironclad is past. Upon
the showing that Commodore Ammen
has made to the Secretary of the Navy.
Mr.. Robson has decided to recommend.
in his report, that Congress appropriate
enough money to build two of these YES
sells. The plans of Commodore Ammen
have been submitted to various en-
gineers throughout the country, and
from them nothing but expressions of