Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-05-05
CROSS-EXAMINATEON.
What Edward EgglestOn Thinks of it, an
the BnZfnZ Who Usually Conducts it.

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the Buzfuz Who Usually Conducts it.
Edward Eggleston, who, it will be re-
membe1ed, was a witness in the Beech,
er trial, writes thus in the New York
Independent: Were yod ever cross
examined? You probably think you
can go through with it triumphantly.
You have always sustained yourself
well in conversation. But that is dill
ferent thing. Here another man sets
bounds as to what you may say, and
your most important and convincing
testimony is all set aside by those
beautiful absurdities called "the rules
of evidence" Your answer must be
responsive. 'Answer my question yes
or no." thunders the interrogation, in
voice very like that music which Milton
attributes to the rusty hinges of per-
ditions gates. Now you know that
Eyes or no" will not answer the ques-
ton, and you try to qualify; but the
irate Buzfuz yells at you, with sheer,
"Won't you stop?" Then he insists
on your remembering dates, and to
oblige him, you guess at date, and
he takes it for granted that you are Ger
tain and wants to know how you know
now. a... ..... .....,. ... .....
If you have Samuel Wilkeson's cool
blood and dron repartee, you may get
the laugh on your questioner; but a
person with genius for being cross
examined is born, not made. Mr.. VIII
keson has mistaken his calling. An
able journalist he has been, no doubt;
but he should have been witness by
profession. He can tell his story bet
ter and discomfort cross-examiner
more utterly than anybody who ever
testified, the illustrious Samuel Weller
not excepted.
After little scolding and brow-beat
ing from cross examiner, a man either
grows confused or gets mad. [ tried it.
l am slow to anger, but little hot when
[ do get mad. [ bore some sneers.
The incred1lous tone I had expected.
Two or three yells only made me think
that justice must be deaf, as well as
blind. The warning forefnger and the
threatening CHOW, SIR" of the Brook
Ign Sergeant amused me. I knew how
[ could revenge myself. The lawyer
would find that it wasn't safe to badger
a story writer. I deliberately resolved
to put him in a Notwithstanding forefn-
ger, high cheek bones, polite sheer, air
of Omnlscience, voice cooling to bad
gered witness like the soothing melody
of quartz mill, and all. [ enjoyed it.
Good material, l studied him as a nat
uralist does chinch- bug-with
much interest and some trepida-
ton. But when he interrupted
me, contradicted me, and reproved me
I ceased to be amused, and replied in
tones very like his own. I became all
at once very cross examined. That is
what remember of the cross examina-
t1on. Except one thing. One unlucky
word the papers, especially the religious
papers, will not let me forget. I had
got over being mad. The whole thing
seemed funny again, and [ had an ire
sistible desire to joke at my own ex-
pense. A joke on ones self is safest,
general y-there is nobody to knock
you down or Joke back. One is sure to
get the best OF ones self. So when the
cross-examiner, softened, perhaps, by
my unconscious imitation of his tone in
cOntradicting him, asked me Of what de-
nomination [ was minister, [ replied,
ga Methodist preaching to Congrega-
tional church, and then, while he
looked over the memoranda of puzzling
questions which the plaintiff, my quon-
dam chief, had devised for my torment,
1 added in playful aside, "lying
around loose generally" The converse
ton between the lawyer and myself had
up to this point, seemed very dry. I
thought that he meant to go into theol-
ogy; and knew that would be drier, if
possible, than the discussion of any
body's free-love views had been. Twas
q weary traveller who had crossed one
desert and was about to enter another. I
stopped and plucked one little blade Of
grass III making single playful re-
mark, never dreaming what dread con-
sequences would follow. The awful
lawyer was Modified by my playfulness.
He laid aside his Jovian thunder, and
replied in a tone that showed the gen
tleman under the lawyers hide ga
very good way of doing good some
times" And, after ascertaining that /
reverenced John Stuart Mill, spite of
his unbelief, he relaxed his grip on my
throat, and mercifully let me go. Who
knows but, that this one playful aside
saved the country the fate of having to
read my whole confession of faith in
the form of a catechism, an eminent
lawyer acting as catichist and I as vic
tim. If [ had been DESTROYS of propa-
eating any pet theories, I should have
sought this opportunity of disseminate
ing them on the wings of the wind. For
everybody seems to have read my testi-
mony, and when said dying around
loose generally in a half whisper I was
unconsciously debating my own cpl
taph. Every friend I meet begins to
smile at me half a block away, and /
know that he is meditating the same old
joke at my expense.
| Sand Pies.
st. Petersburg, the capital of Russia,