The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1875-07-09

What is the difference between a
belle and burglarY The belle sar
ries false locks and the burglar KEYS.
Nature alsborsa vacuum, and that's
why eoine people when they calch
cold always faa il settles ii their
heads
Said an Irish justice to an obstrep-
erous prisoner oil ISial: We want
nothing bnt silence, and but liltIe VI
that
Luv Il aed III be blind, but know
lots oE phelloWs in luv who kan sre
twice asmnch in their gals as ] kan,
--.Iosh Billings
Ben Billings stole cattle and lhea
lied about il, 50 his friends took him
cut and performed surgical opera
tion ON him, from whiub he never re-
coyered,e Ia the way the death oi n
Nebraska man u recorded IN local
paper.
"Blddy,n said lady, 1step over
and soc how old Mrs. Jones is this
morning.s III a few minutes Biddy
returned with the information that
Mrs. Jones was seventy.two years,
seven months, and two days that
morning.
sNon.exploeiveIp exclaimed Bur.
! linrton grocer eWhy look At me
put a lighted match into that can Of
oil. No explode there, you see--
whoop.p And, "a the insurance policy
expired the day before, he will not
rebuild hia grocery
II is saia that az iowa woman re-
gently refused 10 90 10 q festival be-
cause she wanted 10 etayas home and
darn her husbands socks, a aimi
lar ease was heard Of in New York
State some fifty years ago, Int was
not well authenticated.
( Psoplc who ,lo not know how
many 10 invite when they want 10
giyera party may he guided l'y
4 the following:
"For thinking, ono for converse two, No
more,
Three ior an argument for walking, fol.rs
For social pleasure. nvoi for fun, q score"
A captain II the navy; on meeting
friend when he landed, .boanted that
he had lsit his whole ships company
the happiest fellows in the world.
"How soY" asked his friend. "Why,
have Just fogacd seventeen, and they
arc happy IL is over; and al the rest
are Happy that they ss''apedl" !"
He leaned on the icnos pouring out
warm VOWS of love and admiration
for the lovely being on the other side.
Il was dark. We could not see her
, face, but she said; "Pray desist Yon
are two vacillating. Only o week ago
you told that same story three doors
below here" They parted
A man called al police station 10
relate The fact that bis wife had run
I away. "Well, we'll try and arres.
her, replied the sergeant, after hear.
ing the particulars Oi the case THAT
wasn't what ] came for said the man,
with a disappointed look; y want the
detectives 10 keep her on the rum"
A barber, while cutting the hair ol
q rural customer, ran bis scissors
against rome hard substance, which
proved to be a whetst0ue The old
iarmer said he chad missed that whei.
stone ever since hay-lime last Jnly,
and had looked al over d ten-acre
field for II, but now he remembered
/ sticking II over his ear."
The editor Of the Dayton JouTa.
has been out in tho country running
around loose. Hear him; "Leclnrers
/. and apooney editors are bewailing
the physical deReneracy Of American
! girls. Bosh. Go into tho country
} and you will find lots Of girls who
. will wash all dag, dance al night gsl
breakiaai at snnrise. iron qll day and
I dance all night, allwipiefn
! The spelling mania IL taking queer
: shapes. A Madison county, Illinois
girl has offered herself as q piixe o.
tho ono Of her four aultoIs who ont
/, spells The Others. The trial 10 %
/. come OF pext Saturday in The district
school house, and twenty-five cents
admission 10 b charged, The monsy y
{; 70 90 towards furnishing a lloase iaI
the young couple
"Did You like the aerncn lover
! asked pious wife Of q hcaihen Des
MoiDes husband on their way home
! from church. swell, NY dear 70 tell
the truth Ne said, II didn't pay much
attention % The sermon, bat from thi
sweet expression Of the pornons face
/ should sav ~ waa n man who would
|, { not have 70 be asked twice 20 lake
y drink
"A braoe oi ngggo pvaauhega n IN
berlon, Ca. Eeoenlly engaged ID
dispute, willis sitting in ibo pulpit s
3 40 which ahOnld nondnci iAa aafViaa
\ IN The onprns " ,he argpmeNl nnp O
y them callai tbo other d-.d |lar ani
!, chen thsy olnnhed The congregation
4 thoughl ~ lissi lhsy wsfa Wrpstllul
Il ~ prayer bun when llllle Wses q
r wool began 20 ily over De puin'l ihel
o knew iha laaala WHs agaalB ~
% qulred shs eGofis plell ilst lIfilrc|
"a part them