Delaware tribune. [volume] (Wilmington, Del.) 1867-1877, 1875-02-18

RECoLLECTIoNs OF TWENTY-FIVE YEARS Aoo--r
Pill FRANKS ON PRECISE scHooLAAsTkRs.
QliuhANf

hkDA SN1VWh 0AeV1NSS
RHcoLLEcT1oNs OF TWENTY-FIVE YEARS Aoo--PU-
Pill PRANKs ON PRECISE sCHo0LMAsTkRs.
[By Oliphantl
When was boy used to think that school
masters were chiefly sent on earth ~ special
inHicton on mankind in general, and boykind in
particular, and. indeed, II was no wonder that l,
with the rest OF my companions, should have
formed this opinion, for my schoolmaster WAS
one of type very common in those days, and,
unhappily not altogether extinct even now,
whose only qualification for his position consist
ed OF petty tyranny, narrow -mindedneeB and lg-
norance and our young minds were not slow i'll
perceiving his many absurd eccentricities
One of our greatest sources of amusement was
his frequent and fruitless endeavors to make us
boys believe that he was the most important
parsonage in the universe, and when l look back
now through the long vista Of years that have
passed away since then, cannot help thinking
that in the feeling, somewhat akin to contempt
that We felt for him, our youthful instincts were
undoubtedly In the right direction. As time rolls
away l seem to take more and more pleasure in
recurring to, and, in imagination living again
through, those jubilant days OF my boyhood, and
at times steal over me can fnd no better anti
dote than hearty laugh at my straight laced old
schoolmAster.
Where went, Cavershire, (Eng.,) to school
lu0T6 WbT6y Uthlub6 tlo pflAClpAly WuOAu We CAAOA
''the gafer," four assistant masters, and well do
1 remember how we youngsters had grasped the
character Of each, Individually, and how we would
vie with each other in sketching them of to the
life in caricature, prose, and song. The princi
pal attainments that my schoomaster imagined
himself in possession OF, and prided himself upon
were his purity Of diction, his knowledge Of good
society, and his disgust for anything approaching
to colloquial language, or local dialect, which
he severally pronounced as peyurity OF dcton-
1ov ap1 1rou1
diyxlect. That he was, Of all men, but sorry
exponent Of "gyude sociyety' we boys knew very
well, but to such an extent were these principles
carried by him that he absolutely forbade us to
read any such authors as Dickens, whom he
characterised as "leow fellar" that must have
been, he said, in 'leow" places to have gained
80 extensive . knowledge Of "Colloqueal Lam
guage and local dyalect."
remember one day that we somehow got
hold of book in the school that contained the
following; ''It has often been said that when
man fails through want Of intellect, shallowaess
Of mind, and sheer inability in all other walks OF
life, he buys penny book Of etiquette. birch,
and y pair Of spectacles and forthwith turns
schoolmaster" fAis 30 tickled our young fan
cies, and seemed so highly appropriate to our
''gaffer" that about dozen Of us at once set
about copying 1t in a disguised bold round hand
on large placards, and Watching an opportunity
we pasted them up all over the walls Of the
school room Shade Of '.gyude socyety !"
there was terrible ruction that night, and con-
dign punishment WAS threatened to the perpe-
traitors Of the "diabolcal" outrage, who had
thus dared to beard the lion in his den.
The investigation OF this important matter was
left to the junior assistant Mr.. Poodle,
young schoolmaster embryo, whose principal
characteristics were an almost idoatrous rever-
ence for the opinions Of his superior. No judge
in sentencing prisoner to death could have
made more solemn charge to the prisoner 10
prepare to meet his fate, than our pompous
old "gaffer" did to his subordinate on the i'm
portance OF tho Investigation entrusted to him,
and Mr.. Poodle, III duly became him, looked the
picture of solemnity accordingly. Nothing, how
ever, came to light although Mr.. Poodle was very
jealous in his master's cause, and never allowed
the question to sleep for maay weeks after.
wards, and We wore not at all surprised to find
that before month had passed away our pract
cal joke had become the laugh OF the whole
county to the intense modification Of my school
master, whose real name, by the way, was Mr..
Wysaker.
burning desire to rush into print in the local
journals, and in grsndiloquent language, Che al
ways carried dictionary in his pockeD lay down
rules with great promposity, for the guidance Of
the rest of mankind. He loved also to descant
on the depravity Of schoolboye, and to warn the
public against what he called the "pernicioua
influence " Of what ' leow feIlar" Dickens, who
was Just then fast rising to the zenith OF his
fame. To ali Of these ertstlss the .sgafegs we$l
| sign his name in large capitals, 81 NJ. A. Wysa
kerr" while Mr.. Poodle (who in earlier life had
been kind Of printers boy) followed Loyalty
in his masters footsteps and deluged the county
journals with his insane productions, invariably
signing himself Schoolmaster." 1t was rare
fun to US youngsters to cut these pieces ont OF
the papers, and stick them up about the school
room with our own private little opinions at
tached, and it was also our good fortune never
to get found out. Sometimes after school hourt
in the winter time and when Mr.. Poodle
would be left IN charge OF us, two or three boys
would go to neighboring store kept BY one
"Dickey Leach in tile village aud buy dozer
or 30 OF rotten eggs and creeping back into the
schoolroom unobserved, would engage MIR,
Poodle in conversation while the gas was turned
Off when to our uprorious delight the unhappy
"junior would be bombarded from all points
| OF the compass.
Shortly before finally left the establishment
party OF ladies and gentlemen from the neigh
borhood, who were well acquainted both with
the pharisee like character OF our "gaffer," ant
the tricks we boys used to play upon him, paid III
n visit, and while Mr.. Poodle and his seniol
were accompanying them over the premises, ant
relating to them the circumstance OF the pla
cards, We got two crooked pins, to each Of which
we attached papers, ani passing quietly in tht
rear of the two worthless gently stuck one OF
both their coat tails. The papers were writtei
in very large letters, MIR. Poodle's bearing the
beautiful parody -
"Poor Poodle what a different dog,
This brute was in his early years
| When that placard business gets agOg-
How great an ass this tyke appears "
While on Mr.. I. NJ. A. Wysaker's coat tail ap
peared the words =
"rhs boast is Ryude sociyety,'
And 'peyurity' OF d,ctlon
He hates with fervid spiyety
The ',iiyalect' of fiction"
Never shall l forget the loud laughte
which rang through the schoolhous
as these two verses were read
the ladies and gentlemen appearing t.
enjoy the Joke even more than we youngster
ourselves. One OF the gentlemen. however
fearing that some Of us might feel the weigh
of the "gaffer's displeasure, unlocked tn
two papers, and with quiet smile put them i
his pocket, and learned years afterwards tina
they were made the laugh OF many Dime
. table for miles around, although Mr.. Wysake
never discovered that it WAS he and Poodle VIII
, were the subjects of merriment that day, ii
!, long after had left the school
Such was my schoolmaster five and twent
, years ago, and ss / have already said the typ
was very common then. have not seIecte
! him as all uncommon one for the purpose of rit
icule, but az fair specimen of the article
days gone by and to show how much better o
are our children with the intelligent, scholarl
and liberal, minded schoomaster OF the preser
i day, and although now and again one still come
! across a living example Of the old style, yet it
] infinitely more rare now than it was whom l we
l a boy.