Evening star. [volume] (Washington, D.C.) 1854-1972, 1875-01-23
JOE CATERS LIFE INSURANCE.
BY III. A. BERTOy.

Good? He was Tn model boy of Bungfesd.
While his idle schOOl-mates were flying kites
and playing marbles. the prudent Joseph
was trading Sunday school tickets for straw
berries and eggs. which he converted into
currency of the Republic. As he grew up,
and his old schOOl-mates purchased cravats
ard hair oil at Squire Tackey's store. IL was
the industrious Joseph who stood behind the
counter and took their money. When the
same boys stood on the street corners and
cast Sleeps eyes at the girls, the business
like joseph stood in the store door and con-
enlpiated these same boys with eyes such as
hungry cat casts upon brood OF young birds
whom he expects to eat when they grow old
er Joe never wasted any time at parties; he
never wore hne clothing: he never drank nor
smoked. In short, Joe was so industrious
that by the time he reached his majority he
nag thousand dollars in the bank and not
solitary virtue in his heart.
For Joes money good Squire Tackey had
an earnest longing, and soon had il To his
own account; while the sign over the store
door read ''Tackey & CATER Then the
squire wanted Joe's soul too. and so earnest
was he that Joe soon found it necessary TO re-
monStrate with his pan tner.
'"Twont do, squire" said he; '1religion's
All very well in its place. but when a man
lCses the sale OF a dozen eggs. profit seven
cents; because his partner is talking religion
with nm 50 hard that customer gets tired
OF waiting and goes somewhere else, then re-
ligtOn'S out of place"
The human souls gilmore conscience than
many eggs. Joseph argued the squire.
That's just it replied Joe; money don't
hit the value of the soul anyway. and there's
talking. don't you think we might he mixing
some of the settings OF the mOlasses barrel
win the brown sugaT?-'twif1 make il weigh
much better"
The squire sighed, but he could not heIp adj
uniting that Joe was as good partner as a
man could want.
In one of JOe's leisure moments it struck
him that. if ne were TO die, nobody would
lose cent by the operation The idea was
100 eXaSperatlng, and soon the local agents of
noted insurance companies ceased 10 enjoy
yIh is chs not iSfi of
business men in the country. Within fort
night TWO of the agents were arraigned before
thelr respective churches for profane braw
ing, While Joe had squeezed certain agents
INTO dividing commissions 10 the lowest unit
OF devisibili'" and had several policies III the
safe az the store e.
The Squire. his partner, was agent for the
Patagonian Mutual, and endured his full
snare OF The general agony Joe had caused.
But when he had handed Joe policy and re-
celpt, and taken the money and counted il
twice, and seen to il carefully that all the
Venge.
Joseph" said ne, lyon amt through with
insurance yet you need to insure Your soul
against risk in the next world and there's
only one agent that does it,"
Inc Junior partner stretched himself on the
counter and grOaned. He knew the Squire
was right. He had heard that same story
from every minister he had ever heard. Joe
was so agltated that he charged at twelve ard
half cents some calico he had sold at IF
teen.
Only one Agent, But the sbrewd Jospnh
reJOiced to think that those who represented
the Joseph Great Agent differed greatly in
the conditions of the insurance, and that
some male more favorable terms than
others. and that if he could get the ministers
thoroughly interested in him. he would have
good opportunity for comparing rates. The
good men all wanted Joe, for he was a rising
young man, and could, if the spirit moved
him, make handsome subscriptions TO good
purposes So in their zeal they soon regard
Ia fAn 1n,rS
mielf respective creeds to g0SSamer thinness
Ihey agreed about grace being free, and Joe
accepted that much promptly, as he did any
thlng which could be mad without price. But
ice was practical man, and though he found
fault with none of the doctrines talked at
MN; ne yet hesitated to attach himself TO any
particular congregation. He finally ascer-
tained that the Reverend BarziIlai Drift
wood church had no debt, and that it's con
trlDutlons 10 missions and other religious
purposes were very small. so Joe allowed
himself 10 be gathered into the fine assOrt-
Ineht OF crooked sticks which the Reverend
BarZlllal DriftwoOd was reserying unto the
day of burning.
Great WAS the rejoicing Of the congregation
at Joes saving act, and sincere was the sor,
row OF The other churches, who knew their
own creeds We're less shaky. But in the saloon
ana on The street JOe's religious act was dis
cuSsed exclusively on It's merits. and the re-
suits were such as only special spiritual labor
N mouda remove For no special change was
noticeable III Joe. On Sunday he abjurei the
world nut on Monday he made things unconi-
Portable for the Widow bfacnflty. whose hus-
oand had died In the death of Tackty Il Get
Ter a customer bought some gingham, on
Joes assurance that the cOIOrs were fast but
Inc hfst wash-day failed TO confirm Joe's
Statement. The proprietor of the stage line
between Bnngfieid and Cleopas Valley traded
horses with Joe, and was afterwards heard
mentioning his new property in Language far
more scriptural than proper
"SIlll, Joe was a church member. and that
was "a patent of reSpectabiIity. And az he
gained years, and building lots, and horses
ana commenced dscOuntng notes, his re-
sptctablilty grew and waxet great i'm the
ininds OF the practical people of RungfieId
Even good women, real mothers in Israel
could not help thinking, as they sorrowed
over The sand In the bottoms OF their coffee
cups; anu grew wrathful at '.runney'' -four
pOugnt Tor "A Superfine" of Tackey x Cat
Ter, that Joe would make u valuable husband
so thought some OF the young ladies of Rrup-
neld. ana as young ladies who can endure the
ldca OF such man for perpetual partner can
also signify their opinions Joe began To COM
prehehd that he was in active demand. He
feSarued the matter as he would a sudden de-
inand Tor any commodity of trade and, by
sKllfulIy manipulating the market, he was
sonn enabled To choose from full supply.
IhenceiOrwarl Joe was as happy as "a man
OF MS nature could be. All his Investments
were paying well; the store was prosperous.
ne was successful in all his trading enter
prlses, he had purchased. at fearful shayps
scores OF perfectly good notes he realized ON
loans interest which would cause rsurv law
10 shrINei ana crack. his insurance policies
lIt'llu>. ana MS vile Kept
mouse with economy and thrift. But the
church-the church seemed an unmitigafed
dfag. Joe attended all the church meetings
determined to get the worth OF the money he
was compelled TO contribute TO the current
expenses-he had himself appointed treasu-
rar. so he could get the use of the church
money ~, the interest even at the rate Joe
generally obta,u.,t, did not balance the
amount of his contribution
Joe worried over the matter StiiliI ne De
came very peevish. yet he came no nea,sE
bnSineSs-like adjustment of receipts and eN-
pendltureS. One day when his venerable
partner presented him certificate OF divi-
dend from the Patagonian Mutual, Joe re,
MAJ lled
"NeVer got any dividends on that other in
snrance you put me up TO taking, partner
That galnst fire-risks in the next world. YOU
know. Twill be tough If there's any mis-
take-church does take sight OF money
Joseph said the Squire, in sOrfOwful
tone, 1--we always been afeared they didn't
look enough into your evidences when they
took you into that church. How can man
expect TO escape on the day of wrath if he's
all the time grunbling at .he cost of his sal
walton? Mistake? II you don't know i'm
your heart the truth Of what YOU profess,
there's mighty little hope for you, church or
no church. -