The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-08-05
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.

great regulator of religious tervor.-Coa-
rier journal.
ALI Sorts Of Paragraphs.
An Iowa court has decided that it
is not legal for farmer to hitch his wife
up with mule, no matter how anxious
he is to plow.
II think I have seen you before, sir.
Are you not Owen Smith ?" "Oh yes,
Pm owin' Smith, and owin' Jones, and
OWN Brown, and owin' everybody"
An Indiana lawyer eloped with his
sister-in-law the other day, but his wife
never shed tear. She sent his law-books
after him, sold the furniture and took
the children to the circus.
An Illinois paper says of thunder
bolt: cit first struck the lightning rod,
slid down to the roof, ran up to the Gel
lar, tore shingles off the weather-toard-
ing, and went away without hurting any
thing"
-"From what you know of him,
would you believe him under oath?"
''That depends On circumstances. If he
was so much intoxicated that he did not
know what he was saying, [ would; If
not, I wouldn't"
"A boy found a pocket-book, and re-
turned it to its owner, who gave. him
five cent piece. The boy looked at the
coin an instant, and then handing it
reluctantly back audibly sighed, as he
said, ~ can't change it,
= In newspaper Office in Australia
there was at one time tablet informing
visitors that the editor could only be spo-
ken to during business hours by purchas-
ing tickets of admission at the door. The
price was ten shilling for half an hours
talk.
DIR. Johnson once dined with Scot
tish lady who had hotch-potch for dinner.
After the doctor had tasted it she asked
him if it was good. 1T is good for hogs,
ma'am," said the doctor. "Ghen pray"
said the lady, "let me help you to some
more"
Copy was out. The devil picked up
q paper and said, "Here's something
about woman'-must L cut it out"
sNo !" thundered the editor; "the first dis
turbance ever created in the world was
occasioned by the devil fooling about
woman"
"A teacher in the Port Jcrvis public
schools was last week explaining to the
children that usually all words ending
with 'let" meant something small, as
streamlet, rivulet, hamlet, etc: Whereup-
on smart boy asked if hamlet meant
small ham.
= Bulwer, in one of his early novels,
writing on love, says: Perhaps 1t
would be better if we could get rid of it
altogether. Life would 60 on smoother
and happier without it. Friendship is
the wine of existence, but love is the
dram-drinking."
Gov. Chamberlain, of South Caro-
lima, writes to the New York Herald that
he will recommend an appropriation for
the Centennial at the next meeting of
the Legislature. After he shall have
succeeded in getting it, let Hardy Solo
mon become the guardian of the fund.
- AT the close Of one of the battles in
the Peninsular War, an officer seeing
private of his regiment bringing in three
French prisoners, asked him how he had
managed unassisted, to make such cap,
ture. "Be jabers, yer honor" replied
tho man proudly, ~ surrounded them r
-"For want of water l am forced to
drink water; if I had water, would
drink wine" This speech is riddle,
and here is the solution. 1t was the COM
plant of an Italian vineyard man, after a
long drought, and an extremely hot
mer that had parched up all his grapes.
A man who cheats in short measure
is measureless rogue. If in whiskey,
then he is a rogue in spirit. If by
falsifying his accounts, then he is an
unaccountable rogue. If he gives bad
title to land, then he is a rogue indeed.
If he gives short measure IN wheat, then
he is rogue in grain.
General Colquitt says this is the way
to remove stumps: Have one or more
sheet iron chimneys, some four or five
feet high. Set fire to the stump and
place the chimney over, so as to give the
requisite draugbt at the bottom: 1t will
draw like stove, the stump will soon be
consumed. With several such chlmneys,
of different sizes, the removal of stumps
may be accomplished at merely nominal
labor and expense. .,,.
1t is said of the new book of Miss
Augusta J. Evans that it will far exec!
St. Elmo in point of intense interest and
thrilling thought, and that "the rhythmic
polysyllables come rolling upon the
strand of literature even as the green sea
beats grand cadences upon The shore cov-
cred with the drifting sands of centuries,
bearing upon its bosom pearls OF pures;tt
ray, fit to bedeck proud ']uno's dladem."
1t is is to be called "Infelicia."
The story is told of q clergyman who
had three pets-a monkey, q parrot and
a squirrel. These three he imprudently
left, on one occasion, shut up in his Ii
brary. When he returned he found that
the monkeys hide was full of holes,
which had evidently been bitten there
the sqirrel had lost his tail ; and the par
rot, having been picked alive, was perch
ed on the back of chair as the master
entered to whom he remarked, by way
of explanation of the condition of affairs,
Twelve had lively time of it."
- The other day, when the stamp
clerk at the Vicksburg Post Office refused
to click on" a thrce-ccnter for an Old lady
who wanted to post q letter, she stood
back, gave him y glance of scorn, and in
dignantly exclaimed: "Wcll, if folks
aint getting powerful peart and sassy
these days believe if Gabriel should