The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-07-24
VARIETY.

VARIETY
A KHs.-Oliver Wendell Holmes definition of
4 kiss g The twenty-seventh letter Of the al
phabet-the Ioye-abial which it takes two to
speak plainly"
HAsH.-ss A fayorite dish in restaurants,
says a Montana paper, IS is beef-hash." The New
York Commercial Advertiser suppOses it must
beef-haslI-ionabIe.
FIGuRIN5 UP.-Chicago and St. Louis are fig
uring mp their population by the " Smith
method, - on the basis of ono Smith to every 54O
persons ia the United States.
None Of oLr spoilers have yet esinced such pro-
found ignorance of photography as the Yorkshire
man, who, in addressing Sir Humphrey Davy,
rendered it thus-Zurumvriydavy.
VINO KNows.-Neyer tell the boys that it is
waste of time to play marbles. Who knows
what advantage that accuracy of aim and steadi-
ness of nerve may be when they get older and
play billiards?
When a woman is care-laden and heavy hearted
nothing shakes the megrims out of her quicker
than for couple of ladies to stop IN front of the
house long enough for her to examine the trim
mings on their bonnets.
The Rochester (AInn) Post gives the following
as a sign painted on a fence in that neighborhood
Kash pade for littel HALVES nut mourn to daze
Old That fellow never fooled away hit time
lOating around spelilnG Schools
CORRECTED HIMsELF.-A Frenchman, incensed
at a writer who is not particularly brilliant, spoke
of him as an ass and then corrected himself
No; Ittm wrong. He is a mule, who has ears
equally long and produces nothing.
PRoBAsLv-A meeting of the bald-headed men
ofWinuemncca was held at the Court -housein that
Mace on the evening of the 18th inst, at which,
the Silrer &dr says, there was probably the
erandest exhibition of miniature alkali flats ever
aeer.- .---
All, Sam, so you've been in trouble, have
vou 7'I a. Yes JIM yes.'' '' Well, well, cheer
np man adverety tries us, and shows up our
hes. qualities" 80 All, but adversely did Mt try
me, 1t was an old wagabond of judge, and he
showed up my worst qualities
Non CnuFoRTABLE.-If married men will attend
the spelling Matches they had better leave Sheir
wives az home 1t isn't comfortable to walk home
with her and have the dear creature mutterlng at
every step, +" I'm ashamed OF your ignorance,
and If YOU can't spell agitate,' Ill teach you
when pet you home" No; it's disheartenng.
II is remarkable how some writers can adorn
the most commonplace subject with the flowers
of poesy, and make JOY for ever. we read IN
a contemporary thata highly-esteemed citizen Oh
Franklin, 'sw who has dwelt npOn this sublunary
sphere for the term of seventy years, and IN that
time had the mingled grief and pleasure to lay
three wives where the flowers of spring could
grow over them and the dews OF summer sparkle
ike a robe of diamonds about them, recently
sorrows in the perso of a charming widow who
has depGsited two E--t-imonial ventures IN place
of prepetual security and gazed on the blushing
roses Of seventy summers
WALT WHITMAN ON THE SCANDAL--The Brook
Ivn Arotls Saws that Walt Whitman ls deVotIng
his leisure moments to the composition OF a poem
ON the scandal few lines will serve to show
that the terrors of his genius are unabated
aCornucOpGla Of Pestiferous peccadilloes'
arson, murder, tempest,
Pacific bond, and Orange
Warming the Pole; icing the equator
sitting sad, solitary leaping crawling
on the rocks o Terra del Fuego.
,accotash Of social slime Immense;
Dimming the argent plenilune ,,,,
@ Elizabeth Henry"
Tur MOTHER ToNGUE.-An English clergyman
and n Iowand Scotsman visited one oil the pest
schools in Aberdeen. They We're strangers, but
the master received them ciTllly, ana lnquirea l
bovs or that YOU should speer them yourselvesF
The English clergyman, having ascertaIned that
IN sreer meant to question, desired the master 10
uroceed He did so with great success, ana the
bovs answered satisfactorily numerous interroga-
tnns as To the exodus of the Israelites from Egypt
The clergyman then said he would be glad IN his
turn 60 speer the boys, and at once begun. "h9w
did Pharaoh die % There was dead silence In
This dilemma the Lowland gentleman interposed
.sI think sir that the boys are not accustomed TO
your English accent; let me try what can make
oof them > And he inquired in his broad Scotch,
- Hoo did Phawraoah dee Again there was q
deai silence upon which the master said, 81 l
think gentlemen, you can't speer these boys i; II
sboyV You how to do it, And he proceeded
g Fat cam to Phawroah at his inner end?' The
boys snswered .. He was drooned;" and a
H.-t little fellow added "Ony lassie could hae
- that
examinations arc now of daily occurrence
10 Eoklyn families. For instance, the othel
1 a breakfast table of well-known resident
lerrepont street, the following colloquy took
1rY'ater Fanlitids I'm a stern voice, to pretty
,ohter aged Coy Julia. who was that young
an that was here last night?'
JuIia with deliberation)-' a friend
Father How late did he stay?''
Julia-ss don't remember
Father What is his name?'
IuIia-ss can't recolleet.''
Father W here does he liye?''
Julia Quickly )-'' He's moved
Father (reprOvingly)-,. Don't answer me II
that evasive manner. Did he kiss you oefor'
leaying?' H.. A.
trial (turning to rich old bacneior uneie)
object: the question is leading.
Fatber-ssI L insist upon answer, yes or no
and will nut the question in another form wa
there any saIutation of the lips ~
n Julia (absently)-'' My memory tails me IL
mattersuOf 4tails, although, with pause) there
n,ighf have been something of the kind. "
At this point the breakfast ended