The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-04-01
MISCELLANEOUS.

We don't believe the last rumor. An
ma Dickinson could no more be a circus
rider than she could fly.
Johnny, what are you doing, my
son ?" cob nothing, only trying to
hit Frank on the fingers with the
Ratchet"
Red used on railroad signifies dang
er. and says stop, It should be so con-
strued when displayed on mans nose.
They have discovered Michael An
gelo's private correspondence; and it's
good thing for poor Mike that he was
never In Brooklyn.
s'Your son died rather suddenly, yes
terday, Of throat disease" is what all
Idaho sheriff wrote to a fond mother in
Indiana the other day.
Babies are not named Henry Ward as
much as they used to be, but they are
still famous for paro1ysms Of true IN
wardness.
A woman in Dawson, Ga, accidental
" bit her tongue off the other day, and
since that, her husband gets home every
evening two hours earlier than usual.
A Pennsylvania boasts that he makes
a soap that would ''wash a politicians
character white as snow" There must
be a good deal of ''lye' about that soap.
A gentleman offered guest a tiny
glass of whiskey, saying: "Drink that;
it won't hurt you" s'I'll be bound it
wouldn't" replied the guest, ''even if
it was virtiol."
Miss Nilsson has been ordered by her
physician to a warmer climate; but Mr..
Nilsson says that If there is a warmer
climate than the one he has lived In for
some months back he isn't aware of 1t.
IT was probably an attack of the green
eyed monster that induced the Chicago
Inter Ocean to say that con the night
that Victoria lectured and the can-can
appeared, the Common Council of jack
son, Mich, failed to have a quorum.
A policeman met negro at night car
rying a trunk along the street, and col
Jared him. The negro explained: ode
family what was boarding me has been
axing for money, and as dey was gone
out tonight thought I would get into
some family whar dey respected de
panic.
Ned Vose used to travel around Col
orado with a performing bear, but
great change came one day last week,
and now the bear travels around alone,
thinking over old times, and occasional
Iy leaning up against tree as pang
shoots through his bowels. Ned is in
side that bear.
A Minnesota Judge, in pronouncing
the death sentence. tenderly observed ::
eff guilty, you richly deserve the fate
that awaits you; if innocent it will be a
qualification for you to feel that you
were hanged without such a crime on
your conscience; in either case you will
be delivered from would of care"
sHerbert," said perplexed mother, )"
why is it that you're not better boy 2"
.sWelI, " said the little fellow, soberly,
looking up.into her face with his honest
blue eyes, 81 suppose the real reason IS
that don't want to bel" We think the
child gave the real reason why all OF us,
big as well as little, are not better than
we are.
The charge that Botkin, of the Mil
waukee sentinel, has 10 pull on his I'M
.dershirt from below on account of the
size of his ears, is base invention.
We've known Bot over twenty-one years,
have slept with him great many times,
and we know that his ears are flexible.
In cold weather we used to use the off
one for an extra quilt.
ssMother wants to know If you won't
please to lend her your preserving kettle
= cause as how she wants to preserve 2"
t.Would with pleasure, boy, but the fact
is, the last time we lent it to your moth
er she preserved it so effectuallv that we
have never seen it since" "Well, you
needn't be SO sassy about your old ket-
tie, mother wouldn't have troubled you
agin, only we seed you have a new one. !"
Here is a good thing on the ''tater
bug" Three men comparing notes:
One says, ''There are two bugs to every
stalk A second says, "They have cut
down my earl crop and are sitting on
the fence waiting for my late crop to
come up stPshaw!' said the third,
'.you know nothing about it. I passed
seed store the other day and saw the
bugs looking over the books to see
who had purchased seed potatoes.
During class-meeting held by the
Methodist brethren OF Southern vii
lage, Brother Jones went among the
colored portion Of the congregation.
Finding there man notorious for his
endeavor to serve God on the Sabbath
and Satan the rest of the week, he said:
"Well, Brother Dick, am glad to see
you here. Haven't stole any turkeys
since I saw you last, Brother Dick r.
<sNo, no, Brudder Jones; no turkeys. .
t'Nor any chickens, Brother Dick p
t.No, no, Brudder Jones; no chickens. -
'sThank the Lord, Brother Dick That's
doing well, my brother ~ said Brother
Jones leaving Brother Dick, who i'm
mediately relieved his overburdened con-
science by saying to near neighbor,
with an immense sigh of relief: eff he'd
said ducks, he'd had me -