, 1875-11-14
HUhlOIk.

Let's retro twonty cents OF the irredeem
able. is the way they IL Rsk' man in Keutucx
now.
The Locomotive Engineers provide persio
for the families OF deceased members. This i
case of very creditable ensine'nuity.
From The journal OF a Heng'ish tourist il
America: "relk habout their Yankee Doodls
Their national toon ia the sp1t-toonl''
He Was milking the river aud fell in.' is th
Rochester Democrats epltaph On the milkmal
who Nas drowned in that city the other day
Bysrandar: Keep the lid On, old man, O.
! you'll mako it weak" Miikman "No fesr
reckoned Oh rain, and brought it out over proof
Lady to waiter: "Dont put that ice into tht
goblet With your fpgels.' Waiter: "Lor
I'm, don't mind, my hands are very warm :
The stove was cold and the kettle wouldn't boil,
So hhe Tilted the can and poured on little oil:
| Conc to meet tile MN who blew out the gas.
d noble Omaha mastif has eaved the lives Of
| three children within month past, and bitten
| fourteen men who called to sell patent clothes
| bar.
Mellow Philosophr-"I have ceased" re-
marked q blase cynic, sto care enough about
my species to take any pleasure in saying dis
| Agreeable things"
| Prudenee-verv Small Mite: "Are you fond
| Of sukar-piums ?" Lady: NO, my dear, thank
Keen
them for me, please
MS. found on the steps of cheap boarding.
house (w,lt probably "dspartod ":
The only thought my sojourn here inspires
Is, cen in our bushes live our wanted nrcs!
81 Mount Holyoke Seminary has supplied lis
wives f n Missionaries" On reading this in hsr
papsr Martini Jane rolled up her eyos and ex-
claimed: "Hoy YOKE! how appr5priate!
Good phierc'un-"G Good morning,
Sandy; will ya come and drink, mon?" Sandy
Besidos, I've had two uatchkins a'readv. ."2ZFun.
Man with hands in pockete). "6een any
thing Of . job o work lately. John :" Other
man with hands in other pocaets): ''Saw one
t'other day, but didn't 1ke to ask, COS thew
might q said yes. ."-Lontlon Fun.
A voter on the train to Weymouth, Tuesday.
when asked BY the conductor for his ticket, said:
. have (hic) mado d-r-a-f-f-ul mlstake;
voted my (hic) ralruad ticket stead OF the Ihic)
Democratic ticket. t."-Spt7n9feId Republican,
'sIt's burning shame that be didn't cnt apv
kindlinE!" she uutterod to herself as she toox
up the ka1osene-ca3 70 start the fire; and "A
bur hing shame was ahat they CHI eled On the
tombstone which stood over her cinders.
man who called in at = Newburg jewelers.
the Other day to consult the regulator, rama ked,
"a Ae got out na:er aud pencil, that. a. be didn't
hap! en to have his Watch with hun, he'd "iust
mark the correct time DOM, and set the watch
when be got home"
The season is now fairly arrived when tho |
father OF the family absea1-mindsdly picks NJ
tho loker by the not end, and then lars il |
do"n again not so abssntmiodedly st1l!. no |
man OF spirit will admit that q woman knows |
ho" 10 liz The IRE.
The Glasgow Times would appear to have fg, |
ured the thing out pretty accurately when it re- |
marks The man who is curious to see how |
the world could get along without him can find |
out BY sticking q cambTic-needle into q mill
POND, anu then Withdrawing it ana looking at I
The hole"
During cericat conference the following con-
ee1setion was heard besween two newsboys: II
aag' jim, what's the meaning OF 90 many minis
ers being here together 2" IS Why" answered
lin. scornfully. .. they always meat once a year
% swap sermons"
don't think there's preacher in the world
'onld resist the fascinations Of that woman" he
'ad. And the other agreed with him. mo,
indeed ; why. I baiieve there's even 1ayman
couldn't Thus does the world evolve IN nav
udtrect comparsors.
'*Apt aItiteratiun's artful aid isn't had thi,v
n it'd piaoe, but. really. it would seem that one
t our great poets goes too far when he Wr1ses: |
1he summer it summeth the svestoess OF
aihSe; departed the dlfge which the doodle
ue sings ; no humming- bird hommeth the live
@ay ~ 001a4's1n 'ne h0o's
"Leander. nv love" !" remarked Mra. spilkias,
'ptoacbful!y, as she opened the front door ,
bout O'Clock on the morning after elect,on. :
nd dlscovered her liese lord outside funhliue !
Ss y sT sow at
le ncorxigtele spilkins, - hut lats returns are
order Tonight you know" :
4 few Sundays ago a Young Unitarian beca,na I t
owsv ut church, and, putting bis head on b,s | .
thsts Jap, cIosodilis eyes. Just as he seemed u
oe fal1ly gone the preacher said: EVERY
IN mas at least one drop Of Adams blood IN h,s e
ins." And at this the small boy rose M to =
1isper "Pa, Adam must have been mighty
8 man."
ihe question 10 being again agitated, "Sbal}
'man be permi ted to pasa tho bat in our Il
urshos =" lew years ago, when hoops were n
voe9e' the ladies' couldn't .' pass hat" in
ais.e without dragging itup to the pew
~ catered. But the present style OF dress
'mits them to pass the hat easv enough
~ 1stoton Herald. II
Ti:t1e 5-yenr~old. yho wis al. al
- allowed to choose tho pEettiest kitten for | hi
pat and playmate, before the other nursiipes a,
re- drowned was taken to his mothers sick
,m, the other morning. to Bee two tiuy. new.
IL babies. He looked reaectiyeIy from ons to OF
other Tor minute or two, then, pokiuc his | 81
libby finger into the cheek Of the plumnost A
1y, he sad. decidedly, q Save this one."
/. Yes" he said, dreamily, "wo nre alwaya q
lvlng for subjective goal. Unconsciouslv.
nay be, but aill We strive. We lean over tie -,
ge Of the infinite, longing to grasp it's mya ~ ~
lea. and lost in the pfo1undities Of it's m.nen- -
=" " Yes, she replied, thonghtfullr, ..bue. ~.
IN, would YOU minu my putting brown patch -, ~
the seat Of these old black pants OF youfs ," - -
Detroiter had his hair cut the other dsy, and hs
sr the barber had finished the head WIS the ia
tst looking JOB ever turned out in Detroit. hi
> man wss hopping mad IS be looked into the be
So, and he roared out: s. Why. YOU blamed |
|, you don't know anything about haircut
r" Dat's so boss," said the owner of the
D, coming forward. II told him to take your | sh
d to Learn on, but it don't pear to ms dat va
/ ever make much OF barber ;"
uEs1xo THE CuAscEs.-Tbe other dav
,red resident OF V.cksburg found bottle Of
sky in the suburbs Of the city. and batting
estrian be inquired: =" OATS whisky, amt TOT
u '' Smells lse it, and guess It ia," was
reply. ''An' dese Amt no pizen in itf" is
ell, there may bel can't tell shouldn't | Rli
i to drink il" 1t # dere Was pizen I'd be | the
nigger, eh?" lyon would" 'An' II ea1
wasn't any pizen I'd be was.in' Z pint OF fall
! whisky 7' "Yrs." The finder turned the J.
io over and over snelt OF the contents three sir
out times, and finally made ready 10 dunk :.
nH: ADefaA heaDs of Dixen lrjn arnun6 tf1i,