The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-08-18

When a woman has buried her sixth
husband it sounds sort of heartless to
hear her walk out Of the cemetery ex-
claiming "Next"
Rich man, behold the good work
you can do in this world. See Ezra
Cornell. He founded college; and
now it has won boat race.
When a young man is far, far from
home amid gay company, such trifle
as his collar button flying off will hurt
him more than to break leg.
Let's chip in and raise hundred
dollars for the Boston physician who
says it is very unhealthy to rise before
the sun has dispelled the morning
fogs.
What is the difference between sper.
maceti and schoolboy's howl? One
is the wax produced by the whale. and
the other is the wall produced by the
whacks.
Six three card monte men have been
hung in the West within the past four
weeks, and some who weren't hung
are sitting in the silent woods until
the hunt is over.
A correspondent of Nature says
that nearly all insects are afflicted
with internal parasites. They don't
seem to injure the health of flies aud
mosquitoes this year.
In the country, now, Maud Muller
is raking hay everywhere. And the
Judge, riding down, does not see her
at all, but is figuring on his chances
for O denomination.
The squire who married a couple at
Jersey City, N. j., took the last penny
the poor bride had, and compelled the
sheriff and his deputy TO make up the
balance of the fee, will 10 doubt die
rich.
A girl covered her face with both
her hands when she thought he was
about to kiss her; then she complain
ed: 20, my hands are too small, there
is room for fve hundred yet between
them"
Student-"Well, professor, have
Just discovered what was cut out for. "
Professor-"Well, what is it?" Stu
dent-A"For loafng." Professor-"The
man who did the cutting understood
his business"
A very pretty Sunday school song
is the one entitled: "Put your armor
on, my boys" There is, however, a
young lady who doesn't like TO hear
it. She says it sounds like 'Put your
arm around me, boys"
A lucrative opening for young la
dies has been made by the decision OF
an Indiana court that the fact of a
girl being engaged to several gentle
men at once is no bar to her suing
each for breach of promise.
Practical joking again. At Noun
Joy, Ohio, recently, a young man ant
woman were amusing themselves witt
q pair of scissors, when the forme
playfully threatened to cut the latter
nose off. He accordingly snapped th
scissors together, thinking his compar
ion would stalt back, but she was nc
to be scared, and the result was a pa
tial severance of the end of her mass
organ, and the necessity of surgici
attendance.
A lumberman, being but poorl
provided with materials of sustenant
for his men, fed them with pork cool
ed with the rind upon it. A your
man of the company, not liking th
outer portion of the food, was observe
by the host to be carefully removir
the outside covering. Whereupc
mine host said, "Young man, we e
rind and all here" To which Il
youth replied, "All right, old ma
I'm cutting it off for you."
A very tall and shabby -lookil
man, a fellow that reminded you of
vagrant letter from a font of fort
line paragon extra condensed, stepp
up to one of our bars, last week, an
after heaving a glass of liquor into
long throat, blandly asked the ba
tender if he could change a 500 bi
The gentleman informed him that
could. "Well," said the tall one, wi
sigh of satisfaction, "Tll go out a
see if / can find one," and he plung
out into the cold world on his missit
-LOuisuille Commercial
General Schenck, U. S. Minister
England, has been using an old Am
ican anecdote to good advantage.
the wife of British cabinet offic
who assured him that England ms
America all that she is" he sa
Pardon, madam, you remind me
an answer of the.Ohio lad in his tee
who attending Sunday school for
first time, was asked by his teach
Who made you? He replied, wv
God made me about so long (hold
his hands ahnnt ten inches ana rfl