The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-08-26
SOLEMN FACTS.

You make your money last by get
ting somebody else to make it first.
Hanging is brisk, but with fall
ing tendency.
Ii makes great difference wheth.
e glasses are used oyer or under the
nose.
With most men life is like back.
Z .mmon, half skill and half luck.
Academy of design young lady's
boarding school.
In London. on The night OF July 10,
sthe thermometer on the grass fell TO
the freezing point.
Tom Thumb plays base ball. He
Is said to be good short stop.
The undertakes in this city are
1 iopting new sign. They hang on,
. fresh cucumber.
Handkerchief fiirtations, to ne sue
cessful, must have fool on either
side of the street to make the mo,
tions.
In Scotch court a witness swort
t, the identity of chicken from Its
resemblance to its mother.
The end man in a minstrel troupe
gets more salary than village cler.
gsman, but then he perspires more.
To call woman a piano is deemed
IN ac,ionable SANDER in Canada
probably because il seems to Imply
that she's forty.
.0ur inside contains to-day. says
country newspaper. dyspepsia,
Crooked Whisky, A Chinese restau-
rant. and various other interesting
articles"
Two steamboats, are 10 be fastened
together. stern TO stern. in San Fran
cisco BAY for trial Of power.
/ law fellow falling a distance of
fifty feet, and escaping with only a
few slight bruises, bystander re-
marked tina, he was TOO slow 10 fall
fist enough 10 hurt himself,
Would ron like to raise the ire OF
An editor: Just send him long
communication written on both sides
of the paper in a bad hand. 1t is
sare to do it. Try it, sceptlc.
The editor Of the Taunton Ga-ette
ha. been eating 'em, for he says"The
conely cucumber cometh. conveying
countless cases OF cholera and colo.
causing cheerful comments On the
part Of the compouuder Of curions
hut comforting cordials.
Give boy q market basket Of
groceries to carry home and he will
swing il across his spine, bend half
way to the ground and groan with
agony. but give him that weight Of
base bail bats and he will skip along
as merry as potato bug in p ten
acre lot.
Did you ever meet Alonzo Brown
Of Virginia. II you never did, you
never will. He was found out West,
hanging TO limb, the other day, and
A paper pinned to his coat read: He
stole hams
Empty is the life Of an old maid.
Never has she felt the maternal rap
fure Of iucking away two curly head
ed chernbs, and hear one say
..hands off, Jim, or I'll butt you where
YOU live"
The preacher who forgot his manu-
script the other Sunday morning
apologized 10 his congregation, say
ing that he would have to depend on
the Lord for his sermon. but in the
afternoon he would come better pre-
pared.
ats well enough for you to name
your boy Elias" said Aunt Hepzebsh;
'sbut for gracious goodness sake
don't name him Alias, cause the
Aliases is always cutting up bad.
Here's Alias Jones, Alias Brown,
Alias Thompson, Alias One-eyed
Jack, ell been took up fur rohhin
and steahn.s'
\ youthful clergyman who recent
IL went forth to enlighten the ignor
ant. while dealing with the parable o
the prodigsl son. was anxious t.
show how dearly the parent love-
his child. Drawing himself toge,he
and putting on his most sober looA
he dilated at length on the killing
the iattea calf. The climax was q
fellows: Il shouldn't wonder ii tn
father had kept that calf for yea
waiting the return Of his son."
Al Rutland. Vt where a contrat
FOR grayestones for the gosernmeI
cemeteries is being filed, the l.
scriptions are cut with sand bias
Cast iron letters. like stencil plate
are attached 10 the smooth slabs, an
the blast does the work so fast thu
three hundred stones a day are II
s.ribed.
4 yery tall and shabby lookin
man. fellow that reminded you of
yagrant letter from font OF fort
line paragon extra condensed, stel
ped up to one Of our bars, last wee
and. after keasing glass OF liqu'
into his long throat, b!andlv aske
the bartender if he could change
,vcrty dollar hill. The gentlema
informed him that he could. well
said the tall one with a sigh OF satl
ia tion, "l'll 90 out aud see if ca
find one" And he plunged out in'
the cold world on his mission.
George Washington couldn't tell
lie. and that's what ails the averae
Nlcksburg boy. The other da
when one of them accidentally brol
ii pane of glass in a store window,
was touching to see him walk brav'
" into the store and up to the me
chant aud say: "Mr. Blank, broS
a pane of glass in the window Their
and you can charge it to the old man
account. Put it down as a pound I
saIeratus. aud he'll never know II
difference"
NJ. T. Bowden, a school teacher 4
St. James, La. filled pocket WI:
advertising limitations of greenback
AID when somebody at the villag