The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-07-15
A Model Fourth-of-JuIy Celebration.

twenty kOurUil-Ot Juiy CticDTAt4Olls, anu
over twenty times have | marched to "the
grove" and listened TO the dry perform
dnce of reading the Declaration Of Inde-
pendence, followed by an Grafton from
some corpulent bald-headed man, who
commenced by thanking God that he was
an American, and ended by declaring that
the Yankee nation was the biggist thing
out doors.
used to wonder why some genius
didn't invent a new way of celebrating
the Fourth, or at least bring out an improve
ment on ''Ihe grove" proceedings, and l
was highly gratitied last year to discover
that genius in little town in Wyoming.
He was the President of the village, and
it was his Fourth -Of-July celebration.
He had the 'bossiDg of the whole thing,
and he was fully prepared for any and
every emergency. At daylight he caused
an anvil to be fired thirteen times to usher
in the glorious d ~, and he came to the
hotel where was sweetiy sleeping, and
rapped on the door and shouted to the
landlord:
Come, Dan, blast your eyes; why in
blazes don't you get up and be some
body ?'
"You can't get me out at four o'clock
for no Fourth of July ever bOrn!" sleep
lily Ieplleu Dan.
~ can't, ehe Well, now, I'll give you
Just two minutes to come out o that and
be patriot After two minutes I'll start
bonfire on your veranda!
Daniel arose, the rest of ug followed
suit, and the President came in and or
dered three cheers for General Jackson,
and sOlemnly added:
"Grntlemen. we licked the British at
Waterloo; Fally VOrge, Sedan, and
| Wilson's Creek, and we've cOnstitu-
tiOnal right to hOller!"
At9a. IN. the procession formed. 1t
C Insisted OF three six-mule teams, eight
men with whee blrrOws, four men with
crowbars on their shoulders, a mule-cart
| full of children, and seventy or eighty
people in line behind. The hotel bar-ten-
der was the only man left behind in the
town.
A platform had been erected in little
| grove, and when the pOpulace had been
crowded around it the President mounted
the boards and ordered:
Three cheers now for Lord Cornwall
| lis, the bravest patriot of the hull cabOodle,
except Washington and JacksOn"
| ,Ele cheered, some laughed, and a
voice called out:
! ''Cornwallis was British general "
! The President did not Immediately re-
ply. He removed his coat, rolled up his
shirt-sleeves, kicked off his shoes, and
hu>kily said:
Ladies and gentlemen and children
there's Britisher in this crowd-a blast
ed Tory, whose father undoubtedly shot
down American patriots He hOllers out
that Lord CornwalIis was a British gen.
eral. You NAV decide TO sit still under
this degradation, but got up this Fourth
of July, and | want to see that mani
want him to come up here where L am -
No one came. There was deep silence
for a moment, and then the President
borrowed a chew of plug-tObaccO, rolled
down his sleeves, and continued:
Why do we celebrate the Fourth of
July? We celebrate it, my friends, be-
cause it is the anniversary of the day on
which our fOrefathers conquered the Eng
lish. made prisoner of Queen Victoria,
aud ended the cruel war! The bloody
English thought this nation was only a
spring chicken, but it didn't take us long
to show ;em that we were full-grown
eagle, :"
Observing a look of incredulity and
amusement on the face of the hOtel-keep-
er. the President continued:
= And there's Dan, who keeps the Lion
HeteI in this town. 1t is very good
hotel, but he is an ignorant man, and be
can tell the difference between the Fourth
of July and next Christmas ~
That settled Daniel, and the speaker re-
turned to his OraliOn.
Ladies and gentlemen, we can't think
too much of the patriots who shOuldered
their old fiint-locks in the dark days OF
'76. and went out and made the redcOats
siyh for home. Their names will never
he forgotten while memory lasts. There
was Washington, StOnewali Jackson, Gen
eral Hooker, Putnam. Sigel, Warren, Lord
Corvallis and a hundred others! They
fought, bled. starved, and died for us, and
if we ever 90 back on 'em we ought to be
killed by buZzardsl"
As he paused a coarse voice laughed
{" Ho! no, hOu' as if casting 4 slur or
his statements, and the President re-
marked:
"Fll give any body ten dollars to p int
out the man who laf1d, and if Ican't bury
him III buy this town and present it to al
orphan asylum ~
That closed the exercises at the grove
and no further exercises took place unit
evening, WHEN the President built a bon
fire, got up deg-fght, and exploded 1
pound of powder under barrel. Every
body seemed to enjoy himself hugely, anC
at midnight, when the anvil had beer
fired as a signal that festivities had closed
the President called out:
Ladies and gentlemen, pass right int
the bar and order your drinks at my ex
pense IN. Quad, in the Graphic.