The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1875-01-21
HOW TIMKINS GOT HIS WIFE.

HOW TIMKINS GOT HIS WIFE.
Timkins was some years since, sort
of sub-repOrter OH morning papcr-that
is, he was employed to do odd jobs in
connection with the office; and in case
of emergency, to assist the regular re-
porters.
He was quite dabbler in small litera-
ture-wrote poetry, or at least, something
that no one else could possibly designate
with that name. He seized upon every
prominent subject of the day and put it
into rhyme. The De Riviere and Blount
affair would have excited his muse to an
inordinate degree, and resulted in such a
poem as Byron's "Don JUAN" and the
Atlantic cable, that fertile subject, would
have been done up in odes and stanzas
and sonnets without end. 1t was unfor-
tunate, or probably fortunate for Tim
kins, that his poetry had never been
published, or his delusion with regard to
its merits might have become confirmed
monomania, and untitled him for any
useful purpose in life; although he was
always more ornamental than useful.
To give Timkins his due, he had rather
a distingue appearance, and managed to
make the most of the natural advantages
he possessed. He always dressed in good
taste, never wore shocking bad hat"
or boots with indications of incipient
decay. How he managed to do this was
n subject of no little surprise to those
who knew the extent of his means; but,
although these were exceedingly limited,
h nj ot e.,
he was blessed with good stock of as
surance, and not being troubled much
with conscientious cruples-invaluabl
capital for hanger-on of the press lit
is probable that tailors and hatters and
boOtmakers were occasionally victimized,
under the idea that in supplying his
wants they were securing the influence
of the newspapers, and would receive
quid, pro quo in I" "first-rate notices" /
don't know that this was the case; but,
inasmuch as such things have occurred,
and doubtless are occurring at the present
day, l think am justified in adopting
that theory.
The only drawback to the personal
appearance of Timkins, was the fiery
color of his hair. 1t was not decidedly
carrotty, but was something between
carrots and bright yellow ocher; and as
he would insist upon cultivating whis-
kers and moustache, his face did not
present, to my eyes, q very attractive or
pleasing appearance, whatever effect it
might have upon the female portion of
community.
Timkins, very naturally, was not a
little vain of his appearance; and indeed
his great weakness, after that of perpe-
trating poetry, was in cherishing the idea
that he was decided lady-killer." He
used to tell the most extraordinary stories
of his conquests-Of the various modes
which love-sick maidens would adopt to
make his acquaintance and he would
occasionally show billet-doux, or at least
n very neatly folded note, highly per-
fumed, which he processes TO have re-
ceived from the fair creatures he had
conquered.
1t was strongly suspected that much
decided to play practical joke upon
Timkins, and have a little fun ut his ex-
pensc. That il could easily be accom-
plished by attacking his weak point, we
felt satisfied, and went to work accord
lngly.
1t was resolved to send him note as
though it came from a young lady-a
real love-letter, teeming with romantic
passion, and concluding by asking an
assignation at a certain spot, at speci-
fed time. The letter was speedily con-
cocted, and one of us undertook to get a
female friend to copy it. 1t ran thus:
CINCINNATI, Nav, 49,.
"SIR: The huttering of my heart renders
me almost incapable of penning this and,
together with my deep sense of the impro-
priety l am committing, tempts me to stop
even now. And yet some secret influence
impels me onward, and whispers to me that
you are my destiny. We have often met |;
but you never detected my ardent look of
love, and felt sure that il our eyes had met
you would at once have read the treasured
secret of my heart. Oh why is silence in
matters of the affection imposed upon our
sex? Why is ii improper for us to tell
man that we love him? Ma says il is because
we are weak and men are wicked; but Won
are not SOL know it, am sure of it. You
are the soul of honor, and therefore have
determined to break through conventional
trammels, and to let you know how dear you
are to me. Don't condemn me don't think
me bold and unwomanly, or II you should
condemn, try TO find some palliation for the
act---look in your glass and find II there.
Oh! IL you can return my fervent love, how
happy, how blessed shall bel You will do
so, won't you? Your own,
"P. s.: Oh, dearl had almost forgotten
to do the very thing for which / send this.
Won't you meet me on Thursday evening, nj
seven O'clock, in Union SquareS shall be
dressed in white frock, q white pelerine,
and q straw bonnet trimmed with green
ribbon. When i see you, will cross over
to the Spingler Institute, and turn down
Fourteenth street. Be sure and come.
NJ"
This was dispatched by the city post
and the conspirators took care to be with
Timkins when it arrived. We saw him
read it, and as he put it into bis pocket
q selfsatisfed smile assured us that he
would be at the trysting-place.
The next evening was the one ap
pointed, and we were in Union Square
watching the denoucment. Timkins was
there exactly at the hour, most elabo-
rately toileted, and stationed himself
nearly opposite the Institute, attentively
regarding every female, and eagerly
watching for the white dress, white
pelerinc, and straw bonnet with green
ribbons.
Bat minute after minute passed; a
quarter of an hour; half an hour elapsed,
and still she came notl Timkins be.
came fidgety; took the note from his
pocket and read it again-was cure that
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