The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-09-25
VARIETY.

They making gilt-edged paper collars,
and just as soon as the public can be edncated
up To the point Of wearing them there will be no
further need of dOllar-stOre jewelry.
o ft is said by historians that Florida husbands
and wives quarrel less than the married reason is
because the weather is always warm, and the
husband can lay ont nights after getting intOx-
icated.
An Iowa man obtained divorce from his wife
and then hired her for q cook. The woman is
delighted with the change, because now she can
have new dress occasionally and a little pin
money in her pocket book.
When the late DIR. Scudder of India was
arousing the children of America to care for the
heathen, he received note from n little girl,
saying - My Dear DIR. Scudder, | send you 10
cents. When you want any more money, write
to me-"
the back, so, if the button comes off the shirt
band, the collar viii not climb up the back OF
the wearer's head every time he stoops forward.
This is equivalent to equipping several hundred
missionaries. efE st#
4 father, fearing an earthquake in the region
OF his home, sent his two boys to distant
friends until the peril should be over. A few
weeks after he received this letter from his
friend 81 Please take your boys home and send
down the earthquake"
It never pays to fret and growl when the future
seems our foe; the better bred viii push ahead
and strike brayer blow. For luck is work, and
those who shirk should not lament their doom,
but yield the play and clear the way, that better
me0 have room. -
A certain ambassador to a European court was
asked by the queen, a remarkably handsome
woman, whether n noted beauty in his own
country was in reality the most beautiful lady he
had ever met {. Your majesty, thought so
until to-day" was the graceful reply.
4 WANT SooS SUPPL1ED.-s Give u.s. says the
New Hampshire WorkingDlalS Advocate, ''the
man with brown hands, smut on his nose, and
sweat on his forehead. All right-sent him by
express last night; also n woman with long chin
and wart on her nose, to keep him company
Detroit Free Press.
"Oh, yes, gimme ten cents worth of hair
pins" added an up river farmer, as he was
about to leave a store, and, while they were
being handed down. he continued: "It's h'ar
pins to-day and ribbons tomorrow, and tooth
brush next day. The gal is always wanting
some him-Aam thing, and | shouldn't be sur
prised If she'd some day get up and want Re to
bring home one Of them combs with brass
back.
They met on Michigan avenue. One was car
rying large parcel and the other carrying
a sorrowful face. {" Hain't you carrying parcels
any more7' queried the small boy. ''Not muchi'
replied the other (" Ii paid well enough, and fel
Ter could wear good clothes and put on some
dignity; but when it got so that the head clerk
followed me around in a hack TO see if / stopped
20 play marbles l thought it time to quit''
George Washington couldn't tell a lie, and
that's what ails the average Vicksburg boy. The
other day, when one of them accidentally broke
a pane Of glass in q store window, it was touch
ing to see him walk into the store and up to the
merchant and say: "Nir Blank, | broke pane of
glass in the window there, and you can charge it
to the old mans account Put it down
pound of saleratus, and he'll never know the
difference
The editor of the Ukiah (Cal.) Democrat,
having recently suggested that there were other
Focations more suitable for woman than editing
a newspaper during political campaign, Mrs.
Belle Lynch, of the Ukiah Dispatch, thus ami
hiIates him: 50 If only men are to fight the bat
tie of this campaign, the editor OF the Democrat
had better put on a checked apron, get him hank
of yarn and some knitting needles, and pair of
brass mounted spectacles, and retire from the
stormy conflict"
The New Orleans Times intemperately observes
that whskey is always kicking up a rumpus some
where. Sometimes it nestles in the hat of man
as a Jolly brick, sometimes in the boots of man
AS kissing serpent, and anon it wraps the pave
ment around the weary traveller, and induces him
to believe the flags patchwork quilt, a stone
sill soft bolster, the street lamp bedpost and
the gutter babbling brook. 1t is worse than
Banduo's ghost, yet unlike that classic spook, it
will i'down'' at any mans bidding
UMBRELLA HoNEsTY.-During the rain Monday
a party stepped into Merr;il's grocery and asked
for the loan of an umbrella. He was promptly
accommodated. ''Yon're pretty obliging man.
observed a customer, after the stanger stepped
out isThat's mighty honest fellow claimed
Mr. Merrill. San honest more generous
.man you won't find in days travel. He has
got a numbegsof umbrellas of me, but he always
brings back better one in return. He changes
'em somehow, but how / don't know, and don't
care / see he's honest an that's all I care