Herald and tribune. [volume] (Jonesborough, Tenn.) 1869-current, 1875-07-08
TIE C0L0NEL'S HAT.
He Didn't Mean to Insult the
Court.

Vigor" upon his scalp. A week or two
ago he was summoned as juryman upon
a case in the Circuit Court, and upon the
lay of the trial, he remembered that he
had not applied the Vigcr to his head
that morning. He had only few min>
utes to spare, but he flew up stairs, and
into the dark closet where he kept the
bottle, and, pouring some fluid upon
sponge, he rubbed his head euergetically.
BY some mishap the Colenel got hold of
tie wrong bottle, and the substance with
which he inundated his scalp, was not
Vigor, but the black varnish with which
Mrs. Bangs decorated her shoes. How.
ever, Bangs didn't perceive the mistake,
but darted down stairs. put on his hat and
walked off to the COURTROOM. 1t was
very cold morning, and by the time the
Colonel reached his destination the var.
nish was stiff as a stone. He felt little
uncomfortable about the head, and lie en-
deavored to remove his hat to discover
the cause of the difficulty, but to his dis,
may it was inmovable. 1t was glued
fast to the skin, and his efforts to take it
off gave him frightful pain.
Just then he heard his name called by
the crier, and he had to go into court to
answer. He was wild with apprehension
of coming trouble; but he took his seat
IN the jury-box and determined to explain
the situation to the court at the earliest
possible moment. AS he sat there with
guilty feeling in his soul, it seemed to
him that that high hat kept getting lig.
ger until it appeared to | i'm to be as large
as medium sized shot.tower. Then he
was conscious that the laywers were star,
ting at him. Then the clerk looked hard
at him and screamed:
"IIats off in court !" and the Colonel
grew crimson in the face. "Hats off,
yelled the clerk again, and the Colonel
was about to reply when the Judge came
in, and, as his eyes rested on Bangs, he
said
persons in the courtroom must re-
move their hats
Bangs-"NIay it please your Honor, I
keep my hat on because"
Judge-"Well, sir, you must take it
off now." ..... r.faT
Bangs-"But | say keep it on be-
cause" ..f.. '.as
Judge.-"We don't want any argument
upon the subject, sir. Take your hat off
lnStautlyW
Bangs-"But you don't let me-
Judge-"Remove that hat this mo.
ment, sir! Are you going to handy
words with me, sir? Uncover your head
at once"
Bangs-"Judge, you will only give
me chance to-"
Judge-"This is intolerable! DO you
mean to insult this court, sir? Do you
mean to profane this sacred temple of
justice with untiMely levity? Take your
hat off, sir, or I will fine you for contempt
Do you hear me?'
Bangs-''Well, its very hard that l
can't say word by way ex--'
Judge (warmly )-"Tbis is too much
This is just.a little too much. Perhaps
you would like to come up on the bench
here and run the court, and sentence a
few convicts? You've got the audacity
of a mule. Mr.. Clerk, fne that man
fifty dollars! Now, sir, remove your
hat"
Bangs-"Judge, this is rough on me.
T.
Judge lin a furious rage)-"Won't do
1t yet? Why, you impudent scoundrel! I!
I've notion to-. Mr.. Clerk fine him
500 more, and Sir. Jones you 60 and
take that hat off by force !"
Then the tipstaff approached Bangs,
who was by this time half crazy with
wrath, and hit the hat with his stick. 1t
didn't move. Then he struck it again,
aud caved in the crown but it still re.
mained on Bangs head. Then be picked
up volume Of brown on Evidence
and smashed the crown in fat. Then
Bangs sprang at him, and, shaking his fist
under the nose OF Jones, he shrieked.
"You mutton headed scullicn I've
half notion to kill you If that Jack
ass on the bench had any sense, he could
see that the hat is glued fast. l can't
tike it off if 1 wanted to-"
Then the Judge removed the fines, and
excused him, and Bangs went home. lie
slept 10 that hat for a week, and even
when It tcame off the top Of bis head looked