The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-07-22
WHOLE NO. 147O.

WHOLE NO. l47O.
Miscellaneous.
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There was once legislator who laid
by $4,000 in one session. When he was
asked how he managed this with asalary
of S., ,0O0 he said that he saved it by do
ing without hired girl. sG
kill him kill him" shouted crowd
in Virginia City as they gathered around
hotel what for?' inquired a stranger.
He's got on alligator boots and velvet
coat Mash i'm
"Well, my boy" asked gentleman of
little eight-year-old boy, what are you
crying for p "'Cause 1 can't find my
dad. told the old fool if he went Oft
too far he'd lose me" was the hlial reply.
We see miniature baskets of cham
pagne in the fruit stores with this placard,
Real champagne, So dozen" Why
should one pay so much for sham pain
when a three-cent green apple will pro-
duce real pain
A Cleveland woman recently married
q Chinese laundryman, and three days
thereafter the unhappy Celestial appeared
at a BARRIERS shop and ordered his pig
tail cut off, saying in explanation, TOO
muchee dam yank. HE
A Minnesota paper made young po-
etess say: ooh, for heart full of sweet
yearlingsT' The poetess wrote to the
editor, declaring that she wrote "yearn-
ingsr and that the printer who set it up
"yearlings' was calf --.
"Ohl my friends" exclaimed a tenn
Inu1 in
my heart that you might all look and
see the truth of what tell you r. Would
MT pain in your stomach do just as
we'll p asked a small boy.
The bottom has not dropped out Of
everything. We are sure of it, for we
recently sat down on wood bottomed
chair on which tack was standing on
its head. We Immediately arose with
renewed confidence in our ability.-Bos-
ton Neaos. ----.-z s.-s--.--v----zss-
Athletic sports for ladies: Jumping at
conclusions; walking round a subject;
descriptions; throwing the hatchet; and,
during the holidays, boxing the ears of
troublesome young brothers.-Punch
Mrs. Rose, of Connecticut, said she
would hang herself if Rose wasn't home
at eight o'clock. When he came in at
night she was suspended to beam, cold
and dead; and he rubbed his hands and
whispered: There's a woman who could
MT tell lie p ~ - - i''
1--WE read in de good book" says COL
ored Baptist brother down South, "of
John de Baptist-nebber of John de
Methodist" And that, says Charleston
correspondent of the New York Observer,
20 Eylf h.
ern people are Baptists. a2"
A newsboy, seated on the postoffice
steps, counted his pennies over and re-
marked: Seventeen cents in all. That's
five for the circus, three for peanuts, four
for sinking fund, four 1 owe to Jack,
and there's oneleft tosupport widowed
mother on until Saturday night
'tYou wiring my BOSOM said despair
ing Baltimore lover to a coquettish girl
whom he had long sought in marriage.
ting out her hand, she softly murmured,
swell ring my finger, if you will be hap
pier for it.; 1 will vex you no longer"
"It's well enough for you to name your
boy Ilias,' said Aunt Hepaibah, ''but for
gracious goodness sake don't name him
Alias, cause the Aliases are always a
cuttin' up bad. Here's Alias Jones, Alias
Brown, Alias Thompson, Alias One-Eyed
Jack, all been took up for robbin and
stealin'." ti&
A gentleman advertises his willingness
to exchange a cork leg for revolver.
This is the nearest approach to the old
law of retaliation we have seen for long
time 1t isn't an eye for an eye-but it's
leg for an arm.
A r. 4lak In
ought to be exterminated, because, after
all William Penn's kindness to them,
they went and made him stand up one
day, and shoot an apple off his little boys
head with an arrow"
A gentleman, meeting Wall street
| friend said: i've just mortgaged my
house, and have several thousand dollars
to spare. Can't you tell me something
neat and safe to go into p Yes repli-
ed the broker, 81 . can put you to a
sure thing; buy that mortgage on your
housen
A red-haired lady who was ambitious
of literary distinction, found but poor
| sale for her book. A gentleman, in speak
ing of her disappointment, said: "Her
hair is red, if her book is not" An au-
ditor, in attempting to relate the joke
| elsewhere said; "She has red hair, if her
book hasn't"
There is lady who will not permit her
children to eat anything of which Indian
meal constitutes an ingredient, for fear
it may make them savage. She must be
the same lady who would not let her
children eat spinach for fear it would
make them green. dsiaba3
A lady correspondent who assumes to
know how boys ought to be trained.
writes to an exchange as. follows: "Oh,
mothersl hunt out the soft, tender, gen.
ial side of your boys nature. Mothers
often do--with an old shoe-to the boys
| benefit. sef ,tzsG -ahto ov}
1t was II o'clock at night whom Arr.
Berger, of Macon, Ga, discovered col
ored preacher in his stable untying
horse, and the preacher only Observed
'tJess what l said all de time,r Mistah
Berger, your horse is bay sure enutf. and
dat 'spute between me an Brudder Jack
son is settled.
A new anecdote of the rebellion is as
follows: "At the close of the war, Gen.
Johnston-met in BALTIMORE young man
who had enjoyed undisturbed the social
delights of that rebellious city, and who
said to him, Well, General, we are con-
auered, but not subdued' Were you in
the service, young man 2 asked the Gen.
eral No, sir, l had not that honor.
Then, my friend said Johnston. you
may not be subdued, but am T"
mo, l don't want none of your light
ming rods" said Kentucky farmer, last
week, to man who had stopped at his
house to put up patent lightning con-
i duoforS az a;n T. afraid of liphtninDi it's