Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-10-08
Baseball.
SOMETHING TOR ITS ApurRERs.

1t came about thus. Secondary dsploy
ment Is too shirkSOme for the system. II,
doctor said We needed exercise. Docto
knows. He told us to Join baseball W,
joined. Bought book Of instructions, an,
for five days studied it wisely, if not TO,
well. Then we bought sugar-scoop cap,
red belt, green shirt, yellow trousers
pumpkin-colored shoes and purple neck-tie
and, with a lot Of other delegates, moved
gently to the ground.
There were two mines. The niaes wcr,
antagonists. The ball Is pretty little droE
Of sottness, the size Of goose egg. and sew
eral degrees harder than brick The two
nlues play against each other. 1t is 4 quiet
game, much like chess, only little more
'' chase than chess.
There was an umpire His position Is a
hard one. He sits IN a box and veil.
" fowl" His duty is severe.
took the bat. 1t is murderous play
thing, descended from Pocahontas to the
head of John Smith. The man in f-ont of
me was pitcher. Tie was " nice" pitch
er, but he sent the balls hot. The man be-
hind me was catcher lie caught it, too :
The umpire said Play" 1t IS the most
radical play know Of, this baseball Saw
ing eord-wood is moonlight rambles besides
baseball. So the pitcher sent Z ball toward
me. ltlocked pretty coming, so ! let it
come. Then he sent another hit il with
| the club and hove it gently upward Then
| started to walk to the first base. The ball
lit IN the pitcher, or in his hands, and some
body said he caught a fly Alas. poor fly )
walked lesurely toward the base, another
man took the bat. turned to see how he
was making it, and a mule kicked me On
the cheek, The man said it was the ball.
1t felt like mule, and | repcscd on the
grnss. The ball went on.
Pretty soon there were two more flies and
three of Us flew out Then the other nine
came IN and Us nine went ont This was
better just as | was standing On my dig
nifty in the left field, n hot ball. a they call
1t. came sky-rocheting toward ne Ny cap
tain Yelled " Take it 80
hastened gently forward 10 where the
bal was aiming 10 descend. have a good
eye to measure distances, and saw at i
glance where the little aerolite was to light.
put up my hand How sweetlv the ball
descended. Every body lookod-I felt some
thing warm in my eye - Muffin =" yelled
about ninety tellers. - Muffin, De ID
It's cannon ball 3" For two GAYS I've
had two pounds Of raw beef On that eve.
sad yet it paineth
Then wanted to 50 home, but my gentle
captain said " nay" So mayed and stay
ed. Pretty soon It was my strike Brick
to bat ~ yelled the umpire | went. but
not all serene, Is was my won't The pitch
ter sent in one hip high. missed il. lie
sent in another neck high. 1t struck lie in
the guilet. A. Foul :" yelied the umpire.
lie sentin the bal! again. This time took
1t square, and sent It down the right field.
through parlor window, kerosene lamp,
and rip up against the head of m Infant who
was quietly taking his nap in his or its
mothers arms. Then slung the bat and
meantered forth 10 the first base: | heard
high words, and looked. When slunr the
bat, had with it broken the Jaw Of the
umpire, and Vas fined ten cents
The game went on. | liked it! 1t Is 80
much fun to run from base to base, Just in
time to be put ont, or to chase ball three
iourths Of a mile down hill, while the spec
tatoTs yell " muffin l' a. 60 it - home
run ~" 20 round again =" or =. p round
dozen times 80 Base ball is sweet little
game. When it came my turn to bat again,
: noticed everybody moved back about ten
rods. The new umpire retreatcl twelve
He was timid. The pitcher sent EN-
in hot. Hot mills in time Of war are good
Bat don't ike EN- TOO hot for fun after
while got fair clip nj it. and you bet il
went, cutting the daisies Gown the right
field. \ fat man and his dog sat in the
shade OF an oak, enjoying the game. The
ball broke the leg Of the dog anl landed ike
an engine in the corporosity Of the fat man.
He was taken home 10 die.
Then went on q doub.e-qaick to the
field, and tried to stop hot hall. Il came
toward me, from the bat at the rate Of nine
miles minute. | put up my hands-the
ball went swil1 y singing On its way, taking
all the skin from b9th NY palms with it
More raw beef.
That was an eyentiul chap who first IN
vented baseball. It's such fun I've play
ed five games, and this Is the glowing result
Tweoty-seyen dollars paid cat for things
One bunge1 eye-badly bunce1
One broken little finger
One bump on the head
Nineteen lame backs
\ sore Jaw.
One thusib dislocatel
Three sprained ankles.
Five swelled legs.
One dislocated shoulder, from trying to
throw ball a thousand yards.
Two hands raw, from trying 10 stop hot
balls.
\ lump the size Of a hornet n4-: on my
left hip, well back.
A nose sweetly jammel, and five uniforms
spoiled from rolling in the dirt at the bases.
| have played two weeks, and don't think
like the game. There isnot q square inch
on, in or under me bat aches. sleep nights
dreaming Of - hot balls, "" fouls" and de
scending - sky-rockets | never worked
so hard since Ruth stole wheat, and never
was so lame since the burning of Luther.
Bat | am proud OF my proficiency in the
game. It's fine exerc;se-a little easier than
being run through thrashing machine, and
not much, either. Its n nice game for
poet or orator-'twill make one sore be
yond all accounts.
I've looked over the scorers book, and
find that in two weeks I've broken seven
bats, made one tally, broken one umpire's
Jaw broken ten windows in adjoining houses,
killed baby, broken the leg of dog, and
mortally injured the bread-basket of a spec
tator, knocked five other players out of time
by singing my bat, and knocked the water
fall from a school marin who was standing
twenty rods from the field. quiet lookef-
On.
I've used up fifteen bottles Of arnica lini-
ment, five bottles Of lotions. half u raw beef,
and am 50 full of pain that it seems as if my
bones were hut broken bats. and my legs
the limbs OF dead horse-chestnnt, instead
OF the once elegant trotters Of
Bawlingly thine, BmcS PoHERoY-
z. S.-All ladies in favor OF - universal
suffering are invited ~ Join our cluh-
BP