Belmont chronicle. [volume] (St. Clairsville, Ohio) 1855-1973, 1875-05-20
THIS AND THAT.

Clergymen and brakemen do the
most coupling.
Wild oats are the only crop that
grows by gas-light.
Motto for the tea merchants-honest
tea is the best policy.
A Joint affair with bu. single party
to it-rheumatism.
When is thief like seamstress?
When he cuts and runs
A dangerous character-A man who
takes life cheerfully.
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each
of his children drum.
The man in debt for his shoes cannot
say his sole is his own.
If speech is silver and gold, how
much is a dumb worth?
What table is useful, though it has no
legs? The multiplication table.
Does COW become landed property
when she is turned into field?
Farmers are like fowls-neither will
get full crops without industry.
Which runs the fastest, heat or cold:
Heat, because you can catch cold.
Why are chickens liberal? Because
they give a peck when they take a
grain.
How long can goose stand on one
foot? Try it-that's the way the goose
found out.
Vigilance committees for the ersdi-
cation of flightning-rod men are form
ing in Indiana.
If you let the cat out of the bag, nev
er try to cram it back again; 1t only
makes matters worse.
"Return good for evil, as the match
said when lighting the pipe OF the man
who had just struck it.
The mother of a family writes to say
that pawnbroker has no right to make |
advances 10 young ladies'.
sit not a contradiction of terms to as
sumo that man is bent on his pur-
pose when he goes straight to it?
A woman who can clean house and
not get cross, is an angel, or soon will
be.
The man who sang, "Oh! breathe not
more that simple air." went into the
Car, where it was more mixed.
ga real gentleman" said an Irish
man one day, sis one that never earn |
ed penny for himself or any one be-
longing to him.
A California jury in suicide case,
lately, returned the following verdict:
"We, the jury, find that the deceased
was fool"
Some one says the lion and the lamb
may lie down together in this world, |
but when the lion gets up it will be
hard to find the lamb.
whose sermons lacked point, ''Ah, yes,
he's gooj man, but he Will rake with
his teeth upward.A
A little boy. asking a companion
what Good Friday was, received the
reply-"You go home and
read your Robinson Crusoe."
What should young man carry with
him when he calls upon his affianced?
Affection in his heart, perfection in his
and confection in his pockets.
"You ought to lay up something for
, rainy day." said an anxious father
70 his profiigate son. 'And so have,'
replied tile son. "What?" IAN UNI
0rella."
"Why do you use paint?" asked a
violinist Of his daughter. "For the
iame reason that you use rosin, papa"
'How's that?" "Why, to help me
lraw my beau."
''Sam, why don't you talk to- massa,
md tell him TO lay up treasures in
whats de use of him lay
ng up treasures dere, where he never
zee 'em again?"
A judge, pointing with his cane at
prisoner before him, remarked, There I
$ great rogue at the end of this stick ;
The man replied, AT which end my
ord?'
The tenor and soprano i'm a Bost ton !
hOir are to be married soon. A wag {
ays: "They met by chants, the usual S
vay. Perhaps if they were to in-choir {
# some morried man they ulight not
luet."
"My DEAR" said a wife to her hus-
and, "do you know what is the most
uriOus thing in the world?'' "Yes,
ladam," gruffiy answered the brute,
the most curious thing in the world
woman who is not curioris."
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