The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-03-12
THINGS GENERALLY
BY MAX ADELER.

A Belgian army officer has invented a
machine for measuring the velocity of a
cannon-shot. He calls it an electrobaltic
chronoscope.' I invented method of
measuring the velocity of a cannon-ball
once. / took an ordinary gold watch, tied
it to the ball, observed the time, and fired
at an iron-plated target. Ny theory was
that the difference between the time when
| that watch was ramn1ed in the gun and the
time it struck the target would indicate the
velocity. In theory this seems plausible
| enough; but found that it would not work
| IN practice, for the watch was out of order
after it had gone through the target, and
! the man who stood behind the target went
home with quarter of a peck of brass cog
wheels and hair-springs and levers and min
ute-hands in his legs. Perhapsethe Belgian
machine will operate more satisfactorily.
But it makes no difference to me now.
Ever since | went out with the Pennsylva-
MIA militia we have been slave to habit
OF moving right off the field and going.
home as soon as cannon balls begin to be
fired. | take no further interest in the
question of velocity, excepting in so far as
1t relates to the capabilities of legs when it
is desirable to retreat.
| have never associated much with roy-
atty, partly because most monarchs of the
present day are not proper companions for
virtuous young man, and partly because
none of them have come to this country
animated by a craving anxiety for my soci-
ETY.. But have seen great deal of kings
in the theatres, and have never been more
thankful that | am republican who can
never by any possibility be placed upon a
throne, than when have observed that
every movement of a king is always herald
ed by flourish of trumpets and a roll of
drums. This would constitute an insuper-
able objection of my assumption of the
crown. 1t would be very disagreeable if
there was man hired by the government
to execute the chromatic scale upon brass
horn every time | went from the bathroom
to the front parlor, or to plunge about wild
ly through variations on the trombone
whenever | crossed my legs or took a drink
OF water. 1t would be equally horrible if.
when / went to the head of the stairs to
call to the hired girl to put breakfast on,
an uproarous fiend in the yard should rattle
out the long roll on the drum, or if bois-
ferrous person should stand in the entry
whenever [ dived in the closet for an um-
brella to go down the street,, and should
snort out wild fanfaronade upon cavalry
bugle! If that umbrella were loaded, I
should certainly feel obliged to blow out
the brains of the orchestra, and if did not
mellow the drummer's bones with our scep-
tire, not even the dignity of my office would
permit us from pitching the royal spittoon
out of the window at him. So upon the
whole it is perhaps better that things are
as they are. If France desires another
king wish it to be understood that am
not candidate for the Office Rather than
submit to the eternal and scandalous racket
which pursues a sovereign, rather than
wear pink-plush night-gowns and yellow
stockings without pants, | would drive q
horse se-car, and wear perpetual two-dolar
duster.