The weekly clarion., 1875-02-11

ear udg
Who is the first boy mentioned in the
BibleF "Chap. l."
Every cord of wood given to the poor
is recorded above.
A Kangaroo is a curious chap; when
it's vide awake it's leaping.
Last words of Jack-'TH be hanged
if go up on that platform.
The Alabama special committee expect
to bring their investigation to close this
week
"SalIy, what time do your folks diner"
Soon as you go way-that's missus' or
ders.
A California man pounded his wife,
was fined $50, and he sold her silk dress
to pay the fine.
The best preparation to keep lady's
hand free from chaps is a report that
she has no money.
Courtesy of temper, when it is used 10
cloak churishness of deed, is but
knights girdle around the breast of
base clown Walter Scott.
Marry widower not / I" said Ma
/ tAiNa- A)dDlC5 arc lAAC AOOlE-D1
Everybody wants their own
Forty girls will run after a snob with
gold-headed cane, where one will shy
after fellow with sound horse sense.
The Portland Press has discovered
''model hotel clerk" in that city. Show
the gentleman up to Barnum's at once.
/ The man who is kind and polite to his
mother-in-law has reached Vicksburg and
is an object of general curiosity to the
people there.
Mr.. Naylle, of Toronto, was knocked
down by mistake for another man, recent
ly. He hopes they'll hit the right Naylle
on the head next time.
BENEVOLENT late Julia Smith,
of New York, bequeathed her husband
81 and her forgiveness" The remain
der of her estate, some $40 600, she be-
queathed to her niece.
A California preacher is preaching on
the best way to raise boys. We have al
ways found number IA boot about as
effective as anything for raising them.
1t is melancholy fact that those who
declare war are never called upon to do
the fighting; if they were we suspect there
would be not the slightest amusement of
this nature.
Sooner or later, justice certainly over
takes the leaders of country brass band
A bridge came along and struck one on
the head the other day, as he stood on the
top OF an Meridian freight train.
An advertisement for dry-goods clerk
reads: "Wanted, Il young man to be
partly outdoor and partly behind the
counter" 1t doesn't specify what part of
the young man is to be outdoor.
An Arkansas Sunday-school man writes
to Bible firm in New York: ''Send me
on some Sunday school papers and books.
Let the books be about pirates and Indi
ans as far as possible.
A circuit preacher in Missouri prayed |
for rain one night at farmers house, and |
the farmer, who had horse race arranged |
for the next day, was 50 mad that he
turned the good man out of doors.
In Massachusetts, woman can go into
business on her own account, make her
husband support her all the time, and |
when she fails, he has to pay her debts. |
6CI 0S AClA hO IAO1C Va AAOdISiAu0.
The sisters of Dubuque, are so set in
their temperance principles, that they
make the hired girl smell the breath of
every gentleman caller and report the re-
suit before admittance to the parlor can
be obtained.
"Now, George, you must divide the
cake honorably with your brother
Charles" "What is honorable, mother?"
cit means that you must give him the
largest piece" ''Then, mother, I'd rather
Charley should divide it,"
Somehow, one can't help thinking of
that citizen of Syracuse who has thirteen
children, all girls Probably there is not
a corner of the bureau in that mans house
that hasn't a cold chew of spruce gum
sticking to it.
1t looks bad to see a dog proceeding
his master down the street, and calmly
turn down the stairs to the first saloon he
approaches. 1t shows there is something
wrong, something lacking. deplorable
tendency on the part Of the dog,
A lawyer once asked a ahotel-keeper the
following question: eff man gives you
| hundred pounds to keep for him, and
dies, what do you do? Do you pray
for him ?" 'No, sir" replied the land
lord, q pray for another just like
him"
A coiored preacher remarked. "When
God made de fust man He sot him up
agin de fence to dry =" "Who made de
fence ?" interrupted an eager listener.
g Put dat man out !" exclaimed the
| 20 n ,ad p,osohar Sueb ouestiOns rs
dat d destroy all the theology in de
world"
''What are you after, my dear?" said
a grandmother to little boy, who was
sliding along a room and casting furtive
glanees al a gentleman who was paying
visit 81 am trying, grandma, to steal
papa's hat out of the room without letting
the gentleman see it he wants him to
think he's out"
One of the reasons why a fight
frequently occurs in Montana churches
is, that while the preacher is praying,
the congregation sit on the backs of the
chairs and frequently calculate -"That's
right, old hossI !" ssBully for you p
Hes book sharp!" etc. Sometimes
the ministers get riled, and there's where
the disturbance comes in.-Milwaukee
News
The dishrag plant is one of the many
products of the fertile soil of Texas, and
. is used by the housewives of that remote
region for domestic purposes. It grows
to a considerable size, and Its shape Is
that ofa cucumber. When dry the out
side covering is removed, and the heart,
which has certain nFonerties of the