The Portland daily press., 1875-08-03

yesterday Wuen WOMAN stepped ABOARD
Michigan avenue car, the driver started up
and caused her to sit down on the floor in
stead of the seat Pm very sorry, madam"
he said, as he checked up. eyes, it's an oc-
casion when sympathy makes one feel
good" she replied as she got up, but
believe I'll break this parasol over your
head for luckP' And she walloped him
until there wasn't anything left TO strike
with.-Detroit Free Press.
One of our lawyers was seen at the rail-
way station with carpet bag in hand and
over-coat on his arm, apparently waiting for
the up train. A brother lawyer seeing him,
accosted him thusly: ''Going north, Mr.. F. ?"
'No, SIR" ''What, then, have you got your
carpet-bag and overcoat for?" because if
there is any one thing in Gods world alb
hor more than another, it is to see man
standing about the station without any APP
parent business" Then the conversation
ceased.-Lancaster Republic.
Titusvile man got his mustache shaved.
Nothing strange about that. When he went
home his wife did not recognize him, a1d
took him for a sewing machine agent. At
first he was disposed to keep up the illusion,
but after satisfying himself that she did not
know him he spoke-then she came nearer,
scanned the features and said: "You tarnal
fool, what have you been doing TO yourself?
If had a shotgun I'd blow you so full of
of holes that your victuals would not do you
any good"
Yesterday morning long-haired, thickly-
bearded stranger entered a Griswold street
barber shop, and in response to the inquiry
if he would like to be shaved he replied:
eyes, sir, you miserable, contemplate,
skuking highway pirate, I would"
He removed his hat, drew big navy re-
volver, cooked it, and sitting down in a chair
with the revolver in his hand he continued :
'Now go ahead! If you ask me to hay
my hair cut, or say that have dandruff. or
cut my chin, or ask me to buy your hair re-
storer, I'll shoot you dead in your tracksp,
That barber didn't say one word while
shaving that man.-Detroit Free Press.
Pretty young lady in elaborate bathing
costume, kicking around the beach.
about ten feet from the water, in bare
feet:
''Oh !-o-ho Pm so frad of the watahv'
Chorus OF other girls in like toggery, twenty
feet away:
"Ah! he-he-he-he-she's coward-te-he-
he-he-hep'
Pretty girl, No 1, moving foot nearer the
wet:
"Ah, pshaw! come on now, I'll dare ye
ALL"
The rest advancing to where No. stands:
"O-ho! who's afraid-who's afraid?',
And there the deal, brave little angels stand,
until wave breaks a little higher than usual
on the beach, and tiny bit OF foam touches
the end of their aristocratic toes, when they
all screech out, run into the bathing house,
make their toilette, and, appearing at dinner,
tell the yawning young gentlemen that
they've been having a swim-"Just too aw-
full jolly and nice for anything"
And the yawning young gentlemen believe
them ?-Chicago Eoening Journal.
A couple of enterptsing men, doing the
clothing business at Atlanta, are interviWed
by customer in search of coat. The senior
Of the firm handles the customer, and soon
finds first class fit" In answer as TO the
price the response is s'eighteen dollars"
swell, sir, 1 like your coat very much, but
don't like the price,
swell, mine trent, re price is noting so you
like re coat. We let you take 'em at fifteen
dollars'
The customer still complains of the price,
saying that SIS was too much. This was too
heavy fer the dealer, SO taking his customer
to the extreme end of the store, ana draw
ing him into a dark corner, he whispers in
his ear, milne trent, let you have Eat
coat for twelve dollars and half''
"Well, sir,' said the customer, 81 like your
coat very much, and am satisfied with the
price, yet would like to know why this mys-
FERROUS performance"
"Vell, my trent, yon see dot leetle man
dere? He was mine broder. He got re
heart disease, and so help me gracious. if Re
was to hear me tell you 1 take twelve dollars
and half for Eat coat he drop ded NIT his
track"