The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-10-13
SCRAPS.

get out OF Dcu iS Soo'l 40 ""h'"S
That is, no man. lie should lie there
and speculate and thcor!ze while his
wife is a getting breakfast ready.
Josh Billings remarks "The only
way to git thru this world and escape
ccnsure and abuse is to take sum back
road. You kant travel the main turn
pike and do it.
A Tennessee girl, riding on the
cars, crossed the aisle, kicked ayoung
man up against the window and re
marked / was brung up never to
allow yeIlow-eycd man to wink at
mol
"The hardest trial af my life," said
good old Deacon Barnes, "was to shed
tears at the news that my wlte's un'
Gle had. died and left her sixty thou
sand dollars" "
A St. Louis man invited twenty
guests to dinner ami placed a check
for $1,000 under each plate. Every
body felt good until it was found that
the checks would not check.
"Sir." said an old Judge to q young
lawyer, you would do well to pluck
some of the feathers from the wings
of your imagination and stick them
in the tail Of your Judgment"
A nice home for a lady guest would
be a residence with a Georgetown
PA. } family, which consists of father
mother and six children, all of whom
have been deaf and dumb from birth.
He was rural Jenkins. He was
bound to be accurate, and he dcscrlb-
ed the woman'S costume thus: "She
wore al elegant suit Of something or
or other, cut bias and trimmed end
wise,
If three parties are in the field
next year aud no candidate obtains a
majority in the electoral college the
election will be thrown into tho house
which is democratic.
Eurene-"Come, sit down on the
shelly shore, and hear the mighty
ocean roar" Amelia 81 can't SIT
down, You silly goose, because IlI
burst my pin-back loose"
Hairdresser to youthful client ::
"Now my little gentleman, kneel on
this chair, please" Little gentleman
(who is having his hair cut for the
first time, doubtfully): "And must l
say my pr"yors?'
AS the ladies walked Oh the beach
with their long hair down, because
otherwise it takes too long to dry, 1t
was the infant terrible who said trl-
umphaLly: "Mama leaves hers at the
hotel"
"Oh! my friend" exclaimed a tenn
pcrance orator, "that had a window
in my heart, that you might look in
and sec the truth Of what | tell you -
"Wouldn't pain in your sto mach 40
lust as well?' asked q small boy.
Now my little boys and girls, said a
teacher. Il want you to be very
still-so that you can't hear pin
drop
In a minute all was silent; when
= little boy Grid out. Lot her
drop'
Lets stop slurging pull.back dress
es. When one comes to remember
that woman has got to sit sideways
on horse, and that she can't put her
feet on the top Of the stove, it does
seem as if they might be allowed some
extravaganccs.
The playful young man in ONO
who snapped pair of scissors the 9th
er day too close to q young ladys
face. and who now sees that he is
bound in honor to make amends with
u wCuulng rinS. son"o'oe hi'r"esf with
the reflection that she can never turn
up her nose at him, any way.
Said a distinguished politician to
his son; 'Look At mel began as an
alderman, and here am at the top
of the tree; and what is my reward
Why, whom die, my son will be the
greatest rascal in the city. To this
tho young hopeful replied: eyes,
dad, when you debut not till
then"
He had very promising boil be-
tween the shouldcr-blades, and his
wife. who was young and beautiful
and could play on the harp, but hadn't
nursed much in the hospital, put a
mustard plaster on it. A lawyer SUB
sequenlly explained to him that they
didn't grant divorces for such cases
in this State.
He had got to it..-'Frank,' said an
affsctionate mother the other day
to a promising boy, if You don't stop
smoking and reading so much y""
will get so after while that you
won't care anything about work.
Mother replied the hopeful, 'eIsnrely
removing a very long cigar, 4 nave
got so low
A smart clerk in Nebraska post
Office, who had taken two 50 bliI'
from letter belonging to somebody
else, afterwards repented and attempt
cd to make restitution before 1t was
too late. But instead of putting in
the original money he slipped slo
Ii the letter. Now the smart post
office clerk languishes in JAIL and by
his sad fate illustrates the main
amatical absurdity that twice i've Is