The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1875-09-22
The Morristown Gazette.
WEDNESDAY. SEPT. p, 1875.
FUNNYOGRAPHs.
IT'S sweet to wait, but oh, how bitter,
To wait for q girl and then not git her.

IT'S sweet to wait, but oh, how bitter,
To wait for girl and then not git her.
Hyou call the Michigan people Mich
iganders," ism an Illinois man an "Illin-
OYSTER"
a Connecticut reviyalist is named A
Ripper, and the ungOdly say that he is
all that his name implies.
How's this for name? Xerxes x.
Crum has been appointed School Super
intendent at CarlinvilIe, III
As though there warn't Smiths enough
already, they have started q "Smith
Manufacturing Company in Connecti-
cut.
There is no use trying to talk about
palaces 'tby the Lake of Como" and
such things, to a girl who has boil.
'FAny letters for Mike Howe?' asked
an individual of q clerk at a Post Office
window. ''No letters for anybody's
cow"
a Stumptown man, while eating an
oyster stew, blasphencd the waiter, and
Immediately afterwards swallowed bad
oyster.
'tMa, go down on your hands and
knees q minute, please" ''What on
earth shall l do that for, PETE" 'Cause
| want to draw an elephant"
Turkish tailors are never Reproduced
for insists. They have only to cut out
two bags, hitch them together, and the
customer has a first class pair of trow-
sers.
Doctor to wounded CarIists-''Why
did you not seek shelter behind the
rocks?" 1.-THE rocks were too few and
had all been occupied by our officers,
doctor"
Miss Nelson's sickness cost her $780,
N fr
were sick last Spring it cost us only nine
cents @ cts. )-three pills at three cents
apiece. Exchange.
A Washington editor charged the Dis
trict of Columbia 100000 for advertis-
ing the list of tax sales. The commits
sioners will probably offer him the dis
trict and ten dollars to call it square.
you've pinned it back, " he cried
with grief,
Much further than you'd Orter;
Your front stands out in bold relief
My darterl oh, my darterP'
"What kind of man is Squire Sim
mons, anyway" ''Wen, you've seen
them snow storms along early in Win
ter, when there's a good deal of wind |
and not much sieighing? That's the |
sort he is"
DO laugh little, my love-" said an |
=
looked as serious as a woman who had |
just failed in a divorce suit. II am
waiting until I read your speech on fl
nance," she quietly replied.
"What is ratio?" asked a professor of
a student, who replied: ''Ratio, sir, ratio 1
is proportion" f'And what is proper
tiOn?" proportion, sir why, proper
ton is ratio" "And pray, sir, what are
both tegether?" Excuse me, sir, l
can't answer but one at a time. p"
A young gentleman, very conceited
and vain of himself, with a face much
pitted by the smallpox, was not long
since addressed by friend, who, after
him for some time, said,
when carved work comes into fashion,
you'll be the handsOmest man l ever put
my eyes on"
It is ali right enough to talk about
geological upheaves, glacial epochs, and
them sort of things" said Joe Munsen, |
Of Idaho, 'fbut when you can do this,
stranger, you've got science down to
fine point" And he threw his bowie
knife six rods and cut off Chinaman's
ear.
81 haven't eaten a mouthful in two
days" said a tramp, and my wife and
three children are starving at home"
Il would give you something" the phi
replied, 'but have nothing
smaller than five dollar bill" II viii
change it for you," said the tramp.
Say, mister" said soiled looking 7
boy on the wharf, edo you ever give
Diece Of watermelon to POGO boy whose
ather'n mothers dead, n and who goes
10 Sunday School, N has got a sore
leel?" The man was deeply touched,
md gave him large slice off q rotten
,ne. ;
There's nothing like knowing what to 3
10 in sudden emergencies The other
morning when a man fell over board P
rom the ferry boat g long haired man a
VINO sat reading newspaper, rose up J
md shouted: Stop her--back her-gO .
.head-thrOw him plank-stoy the
him rOpe-Iower a boat
TEere's the life preserver-stop this
,Oat!' The victim was saved but Of I
curse, he would have been drowned
nut for tho efforts of the long haired
aan.
The art Of conversation First party
opening conversatiOn)-'A Ave you r
1aFd as Jim Bates father SAYS he'll rive /
m the sack?" Second ditto latter pausc) | B
-"Whose father?" First ditto-'FWhy, | W
i'm Bate's!" Second ditto latter pausel th
Jim Bates father! Well, what does te
e say?" First ditto-"Says he'll give Ps
IN the sackr' Second ditto latter ~
ause1-"Give i'm the what?" First :
Tito Give i'm the sack" Second II
INTO latter pausel-"Give who the !
lck?" First ditto-'Why, Jim BatesP
econd ditto latter long pause)-'Ah!I
card that the day before yesterdayP
Hard of Hearing. Polite stranger lin
hurry, thinking he had grazed an old 81
antleman's ankle)-Beg pardon. Old "
entleman-Eh? Polite stranger loud n
u beg your pardonl Old Gentleman =
unconscious of any hurt)-Why? Po- s su
.e stranger-Im afraid | kicked you -
old Gentleman-Eh? Polite strang-
(shoutingl-I kicked you. Old Gen
3man (surprised)-What for? Polite
was quite by accident. Old
entleman mot catching Eh?-'beg
,ur pard-- Polite stranger (roaring A
his ears)-Accident! Old Gentleman e
my soul, you don't say
! Where? Where? l hope nobody's ~
lied, polite stranger rushes off and