Wilmington daily commercial., 1875-01-02
MISCELLANEOUS.
F0Go's TROUBLES.

considerably silvered, and his teeth were the
color of burnt amber.
He had also strawberry mark on his left foot.
Washington Fogg had money in abundance,
but he didn't spend it recklessly.
To tell the whole truth about the matter,
Washington was close hsted man, and the older
be rrew the more misery he became.
He lived all alone in small and uncomforta-
Bile house. One of his nephews, Bob Long, had
lived with him for few months, but Bob had an
appetite, and according to Washington's viows
he waded into yictuas fearfully
This caused Washington to look upon him with
great COolneaB.
one morning, az uncle and nephew were eat
ing breakfast by the pale silvery light of tallow
din discussion arose between them AZ to the
character of the bread and butter which they
we're then engaged upon. Washington consid-
cred it excellent while Bob gave as his opinion
that 1t was mighty mean stuff for hog to eat.
Bob continued. Said he:
.'Washington Fogg, you are a mean, mean man
yes, you arc. have been living with you now
for upwards of three months, and in all that
tme haye not had anything fit for a hog to eat.
These words may CRATE harshly upon your ears,
dear uncle, but they are true yes, sir true ~
Washington kept his temper and Bob proceed
Washington Fogg you are wealthy man,
and you mean man-yes, sir, you are a per-
feet skinhint speak plainly, my dear uncle,
for believe it my duty to do 30 You should be
more liberal with your money. You shell out
a few thousand to me. or what will your
great wealth be to you, when you come to go
down into the valley of the shadow of death
You are growing old, and when you die you CAN
not take your money with you.
IL has cen remarked that there is point
where forbearance ceases to be virtue.
Washington decided that that point had been
arrived at.
His blood boiled.
Naa had Gra
lie arose, kicked over a chair, and thundered
You young villain, leave my house instant
ly yagabond, hypocrite, Co."
Now, uncle WASH" said Bob, "don't feel
unkindly toward me. / considered it my duty
to speak, and spoke"
Scapegoat, rascal, dastardly villain, 60 ~
As he spoke he pointed to the door.
Bob seemed 10th to retire, and without any
ceremony Washington took him by the neck and
the left heel and hurled him out into the silence
and solitude of the back yard.
Bob then decided that it would be right and
proper for him to retire.
And he got up and retired
When Bob was gone, Washington felt lonely,
and when he had thought the matter over he
decided to go to the town Of Walkemof, sojourn
awhile with his sister, Mrs. Arabella Liberty
cap, and endeavor to hunt himself wife.
Washington had heretofore shrunk from the
dea of marrying believing that it would take
vast amount OF money to keep wife. He felt
lie had no money to spend in buying silks and
hhtlllh, HeW-HhWb anu luTDelOWb, bTeeclhll Dtuus
and bustles, top knots and plumes filajaring-
tums and footer galootums.
He had therefore remained single.
But now he felt that there must be change.
lie was fifty-fve years of age, and doubtless.
before iifty-ive more years should pass away he
would be unable to take care OF himself. 1t
therefore behooved him to stir himself and hunt
upa wife.
lie accordingly closed his house and went to
the house of his sister. His sister wasn't
premely happy when she saw him coming. She
said
"Theres Wash comm ag'n. / spose he
wants to sponge awhile, l kalkilate he'll not
sponge off me for any considerable length of
time y And then az Washington came in she
stay awhile, l spose
Yes" replied Washington; "I'll be happy to
Wei" said Mrs. Lbertycap, ''you can stay
two weeks, il you plank down ten dollars right
ON the spot"
washington didn't want to plank down so
much money on the spot; after he had hemmed
and hawed awhile, he concluded to plank.
Now" said Washington, ''rve come to this
town of Walkemefi to get wife, and l want you
to assist me-"
Gracious Jonah !" exclaimed Mrs. Liberty
cap.
il Are you surprised ?" inquired Washington.
8 Yes, struck all of heap; l thought you
were too stingy to keep wife,"
"Well, said Washington, 90 have concluded
that there must be change. have no one to
live with me- and am growing old. know it
will take great deal of money to keep wife,
but shall try to find one who will be economi-
CAL
II will assist you all can, said Mrs. Liberty
cap
Gentle reader this Mrs. Lbertycap was
deep designing woman. She did not want wash
ington to marry any more than you or did.
She wanted his money.
But she didn't get it.
Mrs Libertycap invited young lady to come
uttIta alEAt tnn rtnr
Washington commenced his two weeks sojourn
at her house.
This young lady was gay and giddy, shallow
and slim. Mrs. Applegate had often said that
- she didn't know beans, and she only invited
her 30 that Washington might see her and be-
come disgusted with the whole female sex.
But when an old fellow determines to marry,
1t takes considerable to disgust him with the
whole female sex.
This young lady's name was Josephine Mel
wlssa Adalina HuffHgton.
She was twenty-five years of age.
Washington was charmed-delighted and
when Josephine ascertained from Washington
that he WAS immensely wealthy, she was charm
cd and delighted too.
Washington made haste. Before that first
evening had passed away he had asked Jose
pllne to marry him, and Josephine had consent
ed.
'oh, we shall be so happy !" SAID the gushing
Josephine.
Yes, calculate we WILL" replied Washing
buo buiuh Me ouBub W 10 econouchiJ
lave large amount of money, but we can soon
spend it If we are not careful You will not
want many clothes, will you, dear Josephine p
Oh, no, dear Washington / will be happy if
have only you. / will not need any clothes
not dud. We will be very economical"
This 30 pleased Washington that he took JOS
epinne into his arms and kissed her right square
on the mouth.
Awful man
When Josephine had got home, and had got to
hcr room, she said to herself
" lie thinks will not need many clothes. TIE
heo told him would be happy il had only
inm Te hee Oh, won't I make the money
iy? Te hee |"
Washington arose the next morning, and with
JOY pictured all over his face and his head, Mrs.
llbertycap shuddered.
"What!' she exclaimed. "You were not
pleased with that mink, we're you p
Pleased? Yes-delighted, charmed. tell
yon, Arabella, she's an angel. have asked her
to be my wife, and she has consented"
Gracious Jonah Washington Washington
what have you done2 Oh, you are ruined
man She is giddy thoughtless and reckless.
Turn from your purpose, Washington, or you are
ruined man."
But an old chap who has got notion Of mar
rylng isn't easily turned from his purpose.
On, continued Arabella, "this ID horrible,
awful, cruel, devastating Why dear Wash, she
will Apau1 al vour ,,,onay