Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-03-04
Wit and Humor.

An unsatisfactory meat-Domestic
tFoil. :. .
What is it which has mouth and new
e. speaks, and bed and never sleeps: A
river. 80: -.
Mice fatten slowly in church. They
can't live on religion any more than min
listers can. 81, -
A Texas damscl has sued an admirer
for breaking her nose while trying to
kiss her against her will. -
The Marquette Mining Journal man
has frozen ear, frostbitten foot and a
lame leg, and yet he is US funny and sun
shiny as the owner of six coach dogs and
a handbook. "
Helen was proud, said an Indian wild
over of his last wife, and she was a great
worker. You ought to have stood by and
see her jerk bcdstead down and go for
bugs.
Washington Irving once alluded to a
pomsOus person as "a great man, and, in
his own estimation, man Of great weight
When he goes to the West, he thinks the
East tips up"
I hope you will find your tea good, gen
tlemen, said bachelor housekceper to
his guests. Yes, replied one Of the guests
the tea is good, but-ah--the water is
deuced smoky.
When you see bare-headcd man FOL-
lowing COW through the front gate and
filling the air with garden implements
and profanity, YOU may know that his
cabbage plants have been set out.
A Southwestern journal told its read.
ers that at night when you see the big
dipper, with the handle toward you, and
the tail Of the comet in the bowl. it is
.bont time to go home and go to bed.
When young man in Patagonia falls
in love with girl, he lassoos her, drags
her home behind his horse, and that's Ill
the marriage ceremony necessary. He
doesn't even have to buy the lasso.
After fellow has been carrying a
young lady's glove pinned over his heart
for fourteen months no one can imagine
his feelings as he sees her dash by in =
cutter with clerks arm around her.
MY near fellow" said an old member
Of Congress to new one. ''you work too
hard on your speeches. often prepare
one in half an hour and think nothing of
It," "And that's just what everybody
else thinks of It," was The reply.
At a public gathering lately one Of the
gentlemen was called upon for speech,
and this is how he responded: "Gentle-
men and women, I amt no speecher.-
More'n twenty years back came here a
poor idiot boy, and now what are l."
Business is lively in St. Louis. A dry
goods merchant there, in a fit of somnam-
bulism, arose from his couch, neatly cut
the bcd-quilt in two with his pocket scis-
sors, and then asked his terrified wife if
he could not show her something Else.
A Kansas farmer purchased revolver
for his wife, and insisted on target prac.
tice 80 tss,t she could defend the house
in case ct his absence. After the bullet
was dug out Of his leg, and the COW bu-
RED, he said he guessed she'd better shoot
with an Ak
On Detroit sidewalk the other day, q
pertly man snatched at the surrounding
Gir for second or two, and then wen,
down upon the icy bricks with force
that shook his frame, and made him see
stars. "Say," remarked newsboy to his
companion who witnessed the catastro
pho, ":hat ERE feller's Free Mason; did
mt you see him giving the signs ~ Inside
ola minute two boys were getting away
closely followed by boot.