The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-07-20

could do that p eyes, d." sadly
replied Tom, "but my folks make me
60 to school and are determined that
shan't be nobody!'' IN -. .
There was a ludicrously; sudden de-
scent from the sublime to the ridiculous
where a clergyman preaching on the
" Ministry Of Angels suddenly OBJ
served, 81 hear whisper The
change Of tone started one of the dea-
cons who sat below, from a drowsy mood,
and springing to his feet he cried, otis
the boys in the gallery
One of the greatest drawbacks of
matrimony is to come home after hard
days work and discover that your din
ner was burned to crisp, while your
wife was out selling tickets fo- a straw
berry festival.
A Scientist calls the Colorado pota-
to bug the Doryphora deem Hneata
but we don't believe that will kill it,
Er.
If that will not do the job, what will?
A Greek maid being asked what for
tune she would bring her husband, re-
piled in the following beautiful Ian
guage: II will bring him what gold
cannot purchase-a heart unspotted and
virtue without stain, which is all that
descends to me from my parents"
A half-witted tavern-keeper at Fort
Plain, N. Y, hired a tipsy loafer to
hang him for thirty dollars. A rope
was procured, hitched to beam in the
barn, and the man was swung off,
hang-man fashion, and would have lost
his life had not blacksmith, discov-
cred the state OF affairs and cut him
down.
A young mother in Conway, Mass.
left her child in shady place while she
picked strawberries in field. When
she called to know if it were safe she
received no answer, and on going to it
found that it had been completely
charmed by a brown snake and unable
to speak or move. Her screams fright
ened the snake away, but the child
quivered and cried for an hour, and it
was several days before it recovered
from the baneful iAnence of the reptile.
On being asked by one of his fair
daughters why the bulldogs nose is
placed so far behind his mouth, the rev.
erend gentleman discovers another in
stance of the merciful consideration ev-
er shown by-shall we say g Nature ?"
Ito the humblest Of he~ creatures, and
replies: my love, it is to enable him
to breathe more comfortably while he
is hanging on to the nose of the bull"
A good deal Of interest has been fell
by scientific men in the experiments
made by Professor Clark, of the Am
herst Agricultural College, on the lift
ing power Of growing plants, and one
Of the results which has attracted as
much attention as any, is his discovery
that the greatest weight lifted by
growing pumpkin in the course of its
development is nearly two and a half
tons.
Observe, inviolably, truth in your
words and integrity in your actions.
Accustom yourself to temperance and
be master Of your passions. Be not too
much out Of humor with the world;
but remember it is world of Gods
creating; and however. sadly it is
marred with wickedness and folly, yet
you have found in it more comforts than
calamities, more civilities than affronts,
more instances Of kindness toward you
than Of cruelty. 4 Try to spend your
time usefully, both to yourself and 9TH
ers' Cultivate such an habitual cheer
fulness Of mind, and evenness of temper
as not to be ruf6ed by trivial inconven-
fences and crosses. Be it rather your
ambition to acquit yourself well in your
proper station than to rise above it.
A SAGAc1ous HoRsk.-As two broth
ers named Foote, were lately driving a
herd Of beeves across a river in Texas.
thew were carried awav h,, +ho