Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-03-26
WIfOT E NO. 5O7.


uleanings.
i rooted sorow-an aching tooth
inst The rlaee for spirits-a distillery
Journalistic indisnstioa-paper choler.
4 thorough washerwoman Sal Soda
Church singers live by luck and chants.
/ Even elephants will rcsis. if trampled or.
/ A marriage settlcment--paeing thu par
! son.
! The time to eat Observation-Disclosures it is
eight.
A good thing to be made of-maid of
Two heads are better than one, especi-
ally a barrel.
Why are old maids odd? Because they
are unmatched
He who gives trille meanly is far mean
er than the trif]c.
A kind word will 60 farther than fiat.
iron or potato-smasher.
The aid most needed by the temperance
cause-crusade and lemonade.
"Slipper" makers-people who throw
orange skins on the pavement.
Why is chicken like a farmer? Be-
cause both delight in full crop.
The only circumstances under which .
duel is proper, is when it is : fit"
When young lady gives herself away,
does she lose her self-possession !?
If drunkenness can be stopped, who
cares if the revenues do get tight
1t is good English 10 ask the gunsmith
"What is the price of that all gun -
All things ars. systemaiized nowadays.
Even the milk-trains have cow-catchers.
An impccunious farmer says the only
change he is allowed is that of the weather.
A young lady in Vermont is six feet
seven inches high; and she isn't stuck up,
either
( A goodnatured spinster used to boast
that she always had two good beaux.-
/ They were elbows.
il is said however well your ladies may
/ he versed in grammar, but few of them
are able to dectine matrimony.
I An old bachelor says s mighty hard,
when a man has the reputation of Icing a
/ bear. that he never gets a hug.
I If stick of wood is too long for the
t stove, kick it a few times with YOU he'll.
Then take it out and saw it Off
A rural paper recently announced the
death of a lady celebrated for the purity
of her character and complexion"
Happy is he who has done nothing TO
make himself famous. In these days of
gossip ohscurity is actually delicious
A little man observed that he had two
negative qualities: he never laid long in
bed, and he never wanted a great coat.
What's the difference between Young
woman and an old one One is careless
and happy; the other is hairless and cappy.
What is the difference between farmer
and hottle of whiskeys One husbands
the corn and the other corns the husband
An undevout Kentuckian declares Job
a myth. "Oh, no. ~ says Boston man.
That is n,yth-take. He was myth
ter
An obfuscated reporter saws that man
who lately had his leg cut off by rail.
road train will probably be cripple for
life"
Where are you going >" asked a little
boy of another, who had slipped on an
ice pavement "Going to get up" was
the sharp reply.
What is the difference between the Ell.
ginc-driver and passenger who has lost
the train ? One is right in front and the
other is left behind.
In letter to friend a young lady
states that she is not engaged; but that
she sees cloud above the horizon about
as large as mans hand.
Pm so thirsty" said hoy at work in
the corn-tield. "Well. work away" said
his father You know the prophe' says:
Hoe, every one that tlirsteth.'
There are two reasons why some peo-
pie don't mind their own business. One
is that they haven't any business, and the
other is that they haven't any mind.
A Kentucky editor declares that there is
a hoy in that State ten years old who
weighs only eleven pounds. Either the
statement or boy is decidedly too thin"
An impecunious bachelor sighs that
there is so much truth in the statement of
the fashion writer's that there is mo
change in gentlemen's pantaloons this
season."
Forty pairs of hands flying wildly in
the air, forty mouths in distressful panto
mime. "What do you want :" asked the
teacher Your hair is falling off !" an
swered the chorus.
When young farmers wife made her
first Toys pants precisely the same before
and ehind, the father exclaimed: Good
ness. he won't know whether lie is going
10 school OF coming lone"
Two little girls were comparing progress
in caitchism study. live got to original
SIN" said.one. How farhave you got ?"
Me? Oh. I'm .way toyond redo mr-
ton" replied the other.
"B,rum & Eiinkwater," WIS sign
which WIS TO lie seen on store in North
III IL oUtH, Nt., SlAtN Years ago, say > tuC
Ior'iaud Transcript 1t amused strangers
who spelled j, cut syllable hy syllable.
! slept in IN IN tGiiors led last night.
When the editor chanced to lie nj. b ;
And thought as tumbled that editol g
nest.
How easily editors lie.
\ country ,ditor WHO wished 10 express
his pleasure at the nomination of friend
for United States Judge, wrote: 'Rah
for Wallacew His tountenance fell on
reading in his paper: " Bah for Wallace!"
Machinery las reached a great state Of
perfection. An .Ath;rge says: We re-
Gently saw some lurnt peas put into the
hopper of coffee mill and in less than
two minutes they were occupying place
in grocery window, lateied Fine Old
Mocha.
what would our wives say if they
knew where we are ?" said a captain of a
schooner, when they were beating about
in dense fog, fearful of going ashore.
"Well, wouldn't mind that, replied the
mate, ii We only knew where We are
ourselves"
"Samho, where did you get the watch
you wore to church last unday!" Laws,