davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
STAY WHERE You ARE.-One of

STAY WHERE You ARE.-One of
the greatest drawbacks to prosperity
| IS the restive, rowing. and unsettled
spirit OF the people. Each one i'm.
agines that there is an El Dorado
somewhere, or that some section Is
more prosperous than his own, and
that he must get to it before he can
accomplish anything. The idea un-
settles him and If he does not "pull
up" and migrate ut once, he is forev-
er thinking about it and neglects to
improve his present home and farm.
The delusion has been wide spread
since the war, and much individual
disaster has been the result. The curse
of Reuben seems to rest upon the
people.
1t is 9 great mistake. Content
rsent is the great secret of life. Old
Horace struck the right key when he
said: Happiness depends not upon
place nor climate. but upon the state
of ones mind Rolling stones gath.
er no moss" and the experiment Of
selling oat and moving, in the hope
of bettering the condition, often ends
in bitter disappointment and irre-
trievable lose.
Better stay where y0, arc. II you
are in good community, and your
lands have bottom, drive down your
pegs and locate. Remember that
"there's more in the man than the
land" as old Jones said. on returning
from Texas, after terrible failure, to
the Worn out homestead he had scld,
and found ii blooming like a garden.
Right up the old dwelling, renew the
outbuildings, paling'. fences. and
barns; spend a few dollars in white
paint, and give the premises an air of
Cultivate less ground,
and make it richer every year. Make
plenty to eat and some to sell, and let
your crop be clear profit. Plant fruit
trees, have your rye, oats. barley,
wheat and clover patches; fine horses
fat cows, and rich butter. Give your
wives and daughters flower gardens,
and assist them in collecting good
assortment OF roots and cuttings
Do these simple things, and, our
word for it, your houses will take new
hold upon your affections, and in
stead of the ricsetty, dilapidated es-
Establishments, and solemn. hungry
looking countenances so common in
our country, We will find comfortable
and inviting homes, where all is love,
and Happiness. II will
be like Colchian enchantress infu-
sing new juices into the veins for the
prslongation Of life and youth. Tryi
Turn over a new leaf and begin anew.
Fear God and love your neighbors,
your wives, and your children, and
don't try 10 get rich in one year.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
Hans Catechism.

We find id oud by der book dot
Adam q forgot his oder nan,e) was
the firstest man.
Eve was der nexed. Won tay dey
got drubbcd erboud eadipg some
gwinces and vos kicked oud of der
garden.
Cam ard Ale. vos de firstest shil>
dren. Cain got mad and put head
on his brudder, und den lite oud.-
He vos Won pad boy.
sYonah vas fisherman. Won tay
he gone to der goospont to cotch
shrimps, und ven he vos looking for
bait, he walked right away ov a
whales mout in. But der whales
make him boody quick walk out again.
He vos too strong nit der 6,h's stumix.
Solomon knew more rs everybody.
He don wood cut 4 little poy in bic
ces to settle a disturbance nit two
gals. He said it vos better to gone
der whole hog or none.
Sans son q don't hear his mud
der's namc) vos de strongest. Hc vos
bruiser. He tighten mid dosent
fellows, und he clean um out init a
chackass' bone.
Yobe was the pa,hentest man.
You could still pick pins in him all
tay und he wouldn't holler.
Merdoeslem vos der oldest grand
fadder We 90 desc times. He could
toll you all aboud id.
Lazarus vos der poor man, pey
don't give no free lunches in dose
times, und Ire was always skirmishin
about for crumbs.
Yoseph's pig brudders 60 yellous
of him because he vore a shpodded
goat. und sold him for twenty tollar.
Cnd after avilc Civ um some rOas-
dingears und made it all righd.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

This i,loS weak. minded authores.
saws it feels: Take man and pin
three or four large table. cloths about
him. fastened back with elastic and
looped up with ribbons; drag ali his
own hair out to the middle OF his
head and tie it tight, and hairpin on
about FIVE pounds Of other hair and a
q big bow of ribbon. Keep the front
locks on pins all night and let them
tickle bis eyes all day pinch biz wsist
into a corset. and give him gloves a
size TO small, and shoes ditto, and a
hat that will not stay on without. a
torturing elastic and irill to tickle
bis chin, ard little lace veil to blind
his eyes whenever he goes out to walk,
and be will know what wornan's dress
IS" My!
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
HoyoR AMONG FLArBoATMEN.- =

HoHoR AMONG FLArBoATMEN.-
a couple of fatboatmen on the
Mississippi river, having made an ex-
traordnary good speculation, con.
cluded that while they were in New
Orleans they would go for a real first
class dinner at the st. Charles Ho-
tel.
Having eaten the meal they called
for their bill. The waiter inattend
ancc misunderstood them, and sup
posing they wanted the bill Of fare,
laid it before them; with the wine
list uppermost.
"Whew, Bill said Jerry, "here's
a bill just look at it. Here you add
up one side and III add up the other,
and we'll see what the old thing
comes TO-.
So BIZ added up the price Of wires
on one side of the list, and Jerry add
ed them Up ON the other, and they
made the sum total 1854.
"Wh-ew. BILL said Jerry.
That's pretty nigh all we've got !
What are ne to do about it ?"
I'VE can't pay that" said Bill, "it
nd clean us right out. The waiter
amt here now; lets jump out OF the
window and put out?"
"No, sir-ce," said Jerry. "Fd
never do sich a mean thing as that.
Lets pay the bill and then 60 down
stairs and shoot the landlord"
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
POetica1.
From the Masonic Review.
4 w0AANS ANSWER TO A MANS QUESTION.
BIT LErSA LATHkoT.

BIT YLErSA LATHRor.
Do you know you have asked for the costles
Ever made by the hand aboye7
womans heart and woman's Hfc-
And woman's wonderful love.
Do you know you have asked for this priceless
thing
As child might ask for toy?
Demanding what others had died 70 win
With the reckless dash Of boy7
70 have written my lesson Of duty out
Man-ilke youhSve que5,ioned me.
Now stand ~ the bar Of my womans soul,
Until shall question thee.
You require your mutton shall always be hot,
fonr SOCKS ane your shirts be whole;
! require your heart TO be true IS Gods stars,
And pure rs His Heaven your soul.
You require cook for your mutton and beef,
require greater thing
4 seanistress you're wanting for socks and fo'
shit.
look for man and king.
A singfor the beautiful realm called home,
And a man that the Maker God
Shall look upon AZ he did the nrst,
And say, ut Is very COED"
am fair ard yong, but the rose win fade,
ON my loft young check one day
VIII you love me then mid the falling leaves,
As you did moDg the blooms OF Nay7
Is your heart an ocean, no strong and deep,
may sunch nv all on lis tide 7
A loving woman finds heaven or he'll,
On the day she 10 made bride.
require all things shat are grand and true,
All things That man should be
II You give this ALL would stake my lie
To be all you demand OF me.
II you cannot do thls-a laundress and cook
~ ..,I o L.
But womans heart, and womans life,
Are not TO be won that way.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

ANOTHER PfUxBER.-"The old
man1l give il TO him heavyw whisper
ed . boy. as young man named
Hopkins came out of the eorririor.
Hell hash him right OPP ssid .
second.
He'll make c'othesline Of him
in jist minute !" put in third
The Young man was q plumber.-
and it was case Of drunkenness He
seemed So feel his approaching doom,
and as he toed the mark he said
Judge, ifyou let me of III jump
this town inside of ten minutes"
Listen, prisoner at the bar" re-
Piled the court- lyon were drunk,
and you are plumber Last winter
my water pipe busted, and | ran for
a plumber. He said he would come
right up and fix it, but he let the
water gush into my potato bin all day
long and never came near. l called
upon another and he swore by horn
spoon that he'd have man there by
seven in the morning. No man ap-
pea,ed. / called upon another, ho
also failed me. A fourth. one came
and shut the water of. left it that way
for a week, and the 6tth one fo1nd
the pipes frozen For eleven long
weeks, Charles Hopkins. I've bad to
carry water to wash, or go without q
clean shirt. I've bought ice, melted
snow, treasured cold tea rs YOU would
gold, and the plumbers still deceive
me. Think of an aged man like me
being compelled to wash my face in n
tea-cup full Of water, and to stagger
alleys and back yards with
A tub on my shoulder! ! If you are
plumber you are like the rest, smi #
had the power Id send YOU to Jail
Tor FIVE thousand years. III make !,
three months, AZ YOU are stranger.
but really feel conscience stricken
Tor not putting on a greater punish
ment.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

A pretty deer is dear TO me,
hare with dewy hair,
A hart love with all my heart
But barely bear besg.
'Tis plain that no one takes plane
TO have pair of pears:
A rake, though, often takes q rake,
And tears away the tares.
A wit in writing "righI," may write
II "wright' and >til be wrong.
For 'write," and rite are neither right,
And don't TO write brlonX.
Beer often brings a bic, TO- man.
Coughing conn brings,
And too much ale will make us all,
Aswell as some other things.
The person lies who SAYS he lies,
When he is not reel ming.
And when cOnsumptivr folks decline
They aO decline declining.
4 quail don't quail before storm;
A bough will bow before IL:
We cannot rein the rain nj all;
No earthly powers reign DER II.
The dyer dyes awhile, .hcn dies:
To dye he's always trying,
Until upon his dying bed,
He thinks no more OF dyeing.
A son OF Mars mars many sun;
All deys must have their days,
And every knight should pray each night
To Him who weighs his ways.
FTis mcte that man should mete out meat
To feed mlsfortuncs son:
The fair should fare on love alone,
Else one cannot be 601,
A lass. alas, is sometimes false:
or faults a maid Is made
Her waist IL but barren waste
Though stay'd, She Is not staid.
The springs spring fo.th, IN Spring, and shoe
Shoot forward. one ana ali;
Though Summer kills the flowers, II leaves
Tile leaves 10 fall In Fall.
Iw0uid story here commence,
But you might md II stale;
So let's suppose that We have reached
The tail end Of onr tale.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

CHAsrE "A woman was giving ev'
idence In 3 certain case, when she
was asked by the lawyer:
"Was the ycsng woman virtuous
previous to this affair.""
Was she what?"
"Virtuous. Was she cIIaste -
CHASED ? she wa. chased n quar-
ter Of mile.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
Miscellaneous.
TWO SENSIBLE LOVERS
Tho Story of Calvin and Nancy
Lovo that Wears.

Imaginative people who are oblig-
ed to invent incidents for their idyl-
lie poetry will do well to listen to the
story of Calvin and Nancy, az related
by an Indiana newspaper. 1t hap
pened in this wise (: Nancy and Cal
vim were two nice yoang people. liv-
ing in Vermont, and having no non
sense about them. They were af-
fianccd, but they would not wed Hn-
til they had money enough to fur
nish their own home and prepare
them for all possible contingencies.
Vermont did not seem to be promi
sing field for the impatient young
man. and he went 10 Cortland CouH-
tv n. Y, where he worked hard and
lived economically. cheered mean
while by honest and loving letters
from his swcethear, at home. II.
saved enough to give him hope that
his long years OF service were over
and he sent encouraging messages to
his expectant bride. Her letters
ceased. Repeated remonstrances
we're of nc avail and he only knew
shat she was alive and well by re
ports from others. Village gossip,
filtcring across the border from Yer
mont, told Calvin that Nancy smiled
upon another; tina, she was weary
waiting for him to return. He sor
rowcd with an exceeding great sor
row but he did not commit any
foolishness, nor bring R lawsuit tC
restore peace to his bosom. lie re
membered the old proverb relating t.
the fish in the sea that are as good ~
those caught-and be welded anoth
er.
His seven years of New York ser
vice were now over. and he took hi
bride to his native town. Possibly
he wanted to show that he had no
been heart broken by the faithless
ness of Nancy; perhaps the object o
his second choice was fairer to .ool
upon than she who had flung him of
Calvin reckened i'll he found hi
Nancy faithful and single. She ba'
written constantly but had received
no replies. The village mail wa
disturbed by a woman who had
grudge against Nancy ard she ha'
!, destroyed the later letters written b
the hapless pair. Calvin made II
moan, but, We must suppose, wit
something like a beartwrench, h
left Nancy and Vernon, and went t
California, where he settled dow
with his wife in 4 comfortable home
Children came to him; Iikewis
wealth and ease. 1T was natural tha
his fancy should lightly turn on Wei
mont in his riper age so, thirty year
after he first left bis native villag
TO seek his fortune, he went back t
see the old folks Nancy had maj
yied ai last. She was now widow
and living in this State. He sough
her out and found her III straightene
circumstances, but with her Old Ne,
England independence staying b
her. She accepted from him, how
ever, silk gown and We need No
ask if Mrs. Calvin, in Californi
knew of this gift to an old fame, o
of the melancholy review OF oil
times which was made by the di'
united pair of lovers.
! Seven more years fled rapidly, s
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

the story writers say, though it is b.
no means certain shat they wer'
rapid years to Calvin or Nancy. A
the end of that time Calvin was ,
widower. His wife had been trui
and gentle to him. He mourned
her duly, and gave no possible cause
for censorious remark. Then be
sped to Nancy; there was another
but briefer season Of courting, and
the twain, nolopger young nor doubt.
ful Of each other, were made one. a
new home was fixed in Ontario
county, n. Y, where let us hope,
Calvin and Marcy may spend the
remnant of their somewhat baffied
life, blessed with the tranquil hap
piness of Darby and joan, and all
other well-married couples Of song
and story.
There is rs much overwrought and
false sentiment in the world, that
this simple story seems very pleasant.
1t would not be fair to say that these
two people waited. for each others
freedom. That would imply Ger
tan unfaithfulness to the living
spouse. But time, which brought
all things right to them at last, was
kinder than they might have been to
themselves if they had been the
moonstruck lovers of which the world
is full. Such a story, so begun,
might be expected to end in tragedy
and Paris green, to say the least.
Some other Calvin, welded to anoth-
er, and finding his first love still
waiting for him, would have made a
clamor in the courts, perhaps; or he
would have inflicted himself on The
long suffering public with his griefs.
Another Nancy, less sensible and
maidenly, would have invaded Cal
wins home and made things uncom
Portable ; or she would have coined
her woes into dime novel, and nc
cepted a lecture engagement. Che
did no such thing, but with Wer-
ther's Charlotte, Ikea well conducted
person, went on cutting bread and
butter, and otherwise doing her du
ty Therefore, we are glad she has
finally married Calvin.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

A woman at Tiffin, Ohio, fcl! and
broke her arm, but she refused two
offers Of assistance because the men
were strangers to her, and there was
no one around TO introduce them.
"Your son died rather suddenly,
yesterday, of throat disease" ], what
an Idaho Sheriff wrote 10 = fond
mother in Indiana, the other day.
How was Moses put into the ark
of the bullrushes He was pitched
in.
A Spanish rrovsrb says; "A kiss
without mustache, il like an egg
without salt.
A fastidious young Chicagosn
has advertised for Sar,l at u h0usc
where Dccehcr talk i. excluded.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

SKELETON or A HIsToRIc NEGRO.
The workm,n m on the Valley rail
road at Rocky Hill, CT, uneartbed
a skeleton last week, which is sup
posed to be that OF negro owned by
a Mr.. Boundikee iD 1864 who, being
offended at his master, went into the
garret and sitting upon half barrel
of powder struck FIRE into il with u
find and steel, and was blown up
with the house. his body being bur-
ried where it fell.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

When girl crops her front hair,
md pulls it down over her forehead H
like Mexican mustang. and then ties
a ri C. of red velvet around her neck.
who can wonder at the number Of
pale faced young men that throw
away their ambition, and pas. sleep
less nights in trying tc raise down OIL
their lips!
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

"1f there is anything on earth
that beats four aces, it is a kind and
amiablc wife" The author Of this
truism wore an elongated scrap of
court plaster on his left cheek, and
when We inquired what occasi' nd
it, he gave Us a significant look and
replied:
1T wasn't fUur aces"
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

4 San Francisco horse has four
feet on his fore-legs, and belongs TO
an Insurance agent.
4 line OF fox hunters in Pennsyl-
vania extened distance of FIVE mile.
without catching any fox.
A man in Wyoming, Ohio, upon
opening his chicken house recently
Que morning, missed two birds but
then. ON the other hand he found
two fingers in the trap. They havn't
been called for.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

Old Mrs. Smith of 9lndusky, Ohio.
lef: her patent churn open last
Saturday to dismiss a book agent
from the door. The cat that was Ia
ken out after an hours churning was
not as lively as twas when it jump
oil IN
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

4 young lady in Indiana got up
at midnight, foddere'I the cows, srlit
some wood and got the water on to
wash before she awoke. That's the
kind Of woman for a man Tn marry
she'd 90 out some night and Zoe two
acres o! potatocs.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

A business man in Watertown, y.
Y. is named Tubs, and every time he
slips down the little boys begin.
every tsb must stand on lis -
and then Tubs gets up and the boys
run.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

''See," said .orrewIhg wife, ''how
peaceful the cat and dog are
Eyes" said the petu ant husband,
'.but just TIE them together and see
boy Tie fur viii nv.'
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06

The average Gorilla of Central
Africa, now points to Stanley and his
band Of explorers, and patheticallv
reminds his grand children that 1T Is
what they may one day expect to
come to-"
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
FROM HUNTINGTON
l-lO A. NJ. Exrrasa Train-DAILI

SUNDAYS eXceptetE) for Charleston. Kanawha
Falls, Hinton. White sulphur, COylngton. Co
shen. StauntOn. Charlottesville, GordOnsyille,
and Ri.hmOnd. daily.
This train connects at Charlottesville for lynch
burg. Bris'ui and Ch1ttan0O 0Oga; AZ C,OrdCnrvilte
for Alexandra. Washington, Baltimore. aud tire
Weldon. Raleigh. Danviile. Charlotte. Green's
OOro, Columbia, Augusta, SsyCnnsA, Charleston,
and al pOin.s South.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
NOR SALE.

A number % nice lois near the village of St.
Cloud. These lots arc splendidiy located, are Of
good size and will he gold at reasonable prsp.
and on easy trrms. ,;all on Tm. Martin at his
orlcc and sec maps terms &C.
H. vN. NARTTN, Agent.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
LIABILITIES, NONE

This Company being organized, with ah am
pie rs,id-up Gspitsl, is prepared to Wrtte snali
nnes on the better class Of risks AZ adequate
rates. Correspondence with Agents and Brokers
solicited. >o
J. II. UNDERWOOD,
SccrstGry.
Nov. 5-tf.
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
RAILROAD LINES.

On and after March Dist, 1875, passengs.
trains will run as follows:
Huntington advertiser. [volume] (Huntington, W. Va.) 1874-1921, 1875-05-06
LEAVES. LzAvRs.
5 ~. onIs on s.snal
A MIXED TRAIN

- Passengers change cars AZ Charlottesviue
NJ Lvnchhurg. arriving az SIS. a. N. and at Cor
H. usy,i.e Tor Washington, aIrlvirg at 9::O a IN.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28
Our Public School.

It is becoming daily apparent
that the school accommodations of
Cheyenne need enlargement. Already
there are the names Of 313 pupils on
the rolls, as we are Informed by Prof.
Stark, while the actual accommodation
will not more than seat comfortably
lT5 scholars. Something will soon
have TO be done towards furnishing in
creased accommodation. Either the
present school building will have to be
enlarged, or a new school building
erected in another portion ofthe town.
Cheyenne must provide increased ia
cilities for the education OF the child
rem of our people. The number of
children il rapidly increasing.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28
oci2S

The Sun likes annual elections,
and don't mind the expense. Let us
ecutinE Attorney for Albany County.
a year ago, at an annual election. and
was elected to the Legislature this year
at another annual election, and expects
10 lie elected to Congress next year
AS delegate at another annual election.
Oh All! just sol! Ma biennial
election for that fellow, while his luck
lasts as a candidate.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28

The following item from the Chi
cago Times of last Saturday, reads like
prophecy:
"Spiritualistic mediums predict that
Virginia City, Nevada, is soon To be
destroyed by fire from Heaven, and
some of the good inhabitants are pack
ing up for a removal, but the average
resident reflects that the only fire
likely to reach him must come from
the opposite quarter"
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28

They had Il man in Omaha named
Hybbard or Hybbcrt, or something Of
the ssrt, who is missing. Considerable
anxiety was manifested concerning
his absence, until on searching his
trunk between twelve and thirteen
Is quiet now. and further search for
Hybbert will be abandoned as worse
than useless.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28

The lesson Of the destruction Of
Virginia City Ivy fire on Monday, in
consequence Of inadequate water faciI-
tiles, ought not 70 for naught with the
people OF Cheyenne. They have had
bitter experience MISUNDERSTANDING had
seven destructive fires i'll rs many
years, and the actual loss 10y the Last
one of them WAS greater than the cost
of proper water works would amoun:
to.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28

George Stokes, late of the Tribune,
John Brennan, formerly n joint pro-
prietor of the American House, and
Messrs. Ashton and Hawley, will
leave Denver tomorrow by the wagon
Route for the Black Hills. Their outfit
will bear the old historic motto of the
early Pike Peakers.-Denrcr Times
TuesddU.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28
oct22-dtf
sheep.

For sale, 1910 Young Missouri
ewes; will shear from four to seven
bhS II I'VE mt b"en winter fpd, and
were driven slowly across the plains.
Will be sold in lots to suit. For
price, ETC.. apply to
LOBENSrEIN, RUBLE 4 Co.
OttlI Ind Denver Col.
The Cheyenne daily leader. [volume] (Cheyenne, Wyo.) 1870-1884, 1875-10-28

-H1u. s. w. Duwney, Territorial
Treasurer, was on hand Ia have his Of
fetal accounts examined, passed and
balanced by the committee. but only
one member oft was assembIed--Hon.
Mike Murphy. The examination was
adjourned until Monday next when
the other members will he on hand.