Knoxville Whig and chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1875-1882, 1875-04-14
TEMPERANCE DEPARTMENT
TEMPERANCE MEANDERINGS.
That =" Dump-Car,"
To the Editors of the Chronicle

To the Editors Of the Chronicle
Precisely at O'Clock we were at the
" crossing" near the coal yard, ready
to take the train for Maryvllle. Said
train consisted of one dump car" six
by eight. The locomotives Were two
a mixed train That is to say, it
was passengers, freight and mail, com
bined. But it was further mixed in
complexion, Civil Rights having so
far lriunIphed that "firstn and
second rate" were condensed into one
dump, and on this dun, white and
colored knew no distraction. To furth-
er cOmplicate matters, mixed with this
| freight and mail, and Civil Rights,
was an undue proportion of divinity.
Among the nine passengers, were three
ministers, and of the two locomotives,
| one was also a preacher
/ We started. This very important
move was instituted as follows: Two
| poles with " forks" at the eud were
! placed against the platform of The
| dump car against the other end of the
| poles were placed old socks, stuffed
| with rags-against these, were placed
| two shoulders of our locomotives,
aforesaid. Being thus occupied we
began to move. Up grade we were
| pushed, down grade we took our loco
motives on board, and let her drive.u
| Thus alternately slow and fast, we
reached Little River. Here the bridge
| being gone, we padded our own ca
noe" or what was better, we had
man to do it for us. The transfer be-
ing thus effected by piece meal, we
climbed the steep grade, and were
greeted by two white locomotives and
one dump car. One of said locomo-
tives being also a preacher. At Pistol
! Greek, we repeated the transfer, only
in worse canoe, but over a narrower
stream. The setting sun found us at
! Maryville.
That night we instituted the Mary
vile Lodge of Good Tempars. The
next day being Sunday we preached
! temperance sermon, and were ready
! for The tragic scenes of Monday. / de.
spair of giving even a faint conception
OF the adventures of that eventful day.
| Equipped with IA valise, an overcoat,
All umbrella, and a charter roll, We
started for the train. Imagine our
horror at having hOwled in our ears
NOu are left" Twill have to STAY
over" With calm desperation we an
swered, "never' must go !" have
an appointment" Then we hurried
Hope whispered "you can catch the
dump at Pistol Creek" Iu our hot
haste we grew warm, warmer, warm
est; We "perspired till we sweat;n our
cOrns glOwed like lived Goals; our
. n f.n ft1lI 4 . 1,
valse was no lighter than when we
started, We meditated throwing away
the OvercOat Git was very old one).
and, to add the last bitter drop
to our full cup, it began to
rain. Not in mists and gentle
showers, but as in the days of Noah,
when the "windows of heaven were
opened" Nor was it content to fall
straight down. The plug was pulled
out of the mill of the gods,n where
they ground out the winds-how it did
blown consequence, the rain came
at us side.wise. Now, an umbrella can
behave itself when it has a mind so do
to. But when the winds gets to sport
p ing with it, it acts as if it was possess
ed" Couldn't manage the umbrella
and carry the coat on one arm and the
Yalise in the other hand, seeing " e had
but two hands, SO we must either
throw away or put on the overcoat.
Calmly, las the case would admit we
p shut the umbrella, and while the floods
were pouring on our new silk hat, put
on the obnoxious oveTcOat. Now read
er, we were sweating before we put
that coat on, and you can well imag-
inc that between the rain without aud
the perspiratiOn within, we had rather
damp time of it.
'AlistOrtunes never come alone y
(see old adage). Please don't forget,
we were trying to overtake the dunn
car. In our haste, we came to a "stoclI
Guard" full Of buff colored water
Across this lay deCe!tful railroad tie,
e 1t looked honest. We trusted it. Alas!
for appearance! 1t turned with the
! full intent of plunging us into the buf-
~ water, aforesaid. We detected the
trick Just in time to plow our clerical
. knee into the soft red mud on the other
side. Now. we have no conscientious
scruDles against kneeling, quite to the
! con TaTy, but had rather select our own
4 time aud place, and not leave this inn
: pOrtaut matter to the dictation of q
RAJ caliy railroad tie. We could not
. dare assert that our meditalions were
particularly pious for the next mile.
Matters were reaching a crisis, when
on lifting our eyes we were greeted
with vision that thrilled all our be,
ing. In our rapture we looked again.
"Was it the dump-car "?!? Reader II
was! And had we been INTERCEPTED
, az that time as TO whether we haC
, rather see an angel or that dunn. car
we would have answered, "the dump
, car to-day, II you please, we will lool
10 the angel some other time" Tn,
storm had driven the passengers anC
i locomotives into a friendly black
! smiths shop, and here we caugh
;. them. In due time we arrived a
, home, covered with mud and drencheC
: through and through. The dump-car
4. iOTeverii j. +. GOLDMAN.