The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-10-09
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

Yans"s tho other day which measured fourteen
srrLts from ear.tip 10 car-tip.-LdMfnce Stdnd
ruri
Iftrsreis any milwaukee, editor travelling Id
Kansas. his family may as well put on mourning
md send for his corpse, for the above item clear
:, shows that he has met with an untimely fate
aSonc 10 meet the Cincinnati jackass."
An exchange complains that it takes 'ons
scnt to send an ordinary paper by mail from
canada into the United States, and four cents 10
send the same paper back" But who wants to
send the same paper" back ?-Ncr7S'o'c" Her'
sld.
EI. Corn, recently sent In petition TO the
Ch.cago Common Council,-EI. ts
They Should certainly grant him an caring
4 lady at Elmira, y. " whose husband has an
income Of Shopper week, says she can't AFFORD 10
dress half as well as her hired girl.
Doctor to wounded Carlists: why did you
nal seek shelter behind the rocksY 1.-The rocks
were toefew, and had been all occupied by our
s,1icers, DOCTOR"
=, was his first baby, and he acted just like
man who had been suspected OF steailhS MS
neighbor's tooth. brush.-Brootagn Argus
bows composition on Tongues: Tongues
Fs very coed to etc with, and helps Teller TO
wjssle like sixty. likes tongues when they be-
Ibng to pig what's been picked, guess pa
don't Ike tongues of any kind, for he says mas
go, the devils own tongue" He says hers is
wagon tongue, but always thort wagon tongues
was them poles that they tie horses to with
heather ropes when they wants them to pun
Ebde. uSe Just read this over to pa, and he says
no viii give me a good spankln unless l keep
ry tongue between my teeth. Thunder! now
does he expect feller's goin' to etc his yittels
sDr whsle, ia like to know. That's all about
tongues. -.l 4fr ~'A
,Iehn Henry had guest to dinner the other
day, and during pause in the conversation TIE
epfaaf lrl3Jle spoke up: ~ wish | was you.
@ Do you, little boy, and why do you wish you
uers me?" "Cos you don't get your cars pinch
ell when veu eat your vittes with your knife"
Don't sheer at the bad writing in newspapers.
X is often done In q room where four or nve men
are dsputing about the last game OF base ball
state ct affairs vastly worse than the tooth-
ache,- Gourier-JouInaI
The PREDATORY student has returned, and
now prudent msmmas may be heard from thc
ScCOhN slDTJ WlUuoNs auuiScSluF tHOi
on the front steps JENNIE, dear, don't you
knoT it's after ten o'clock :'-Easton Free Press.
There are two times in a mans life when he
eagerly scans the newspaper-once when he has
Been in an awful mean scrape and again when
he 10 looking; for puff.
According to the Chicago Tribune the Super
nsendent of the Illinois Deaf and Dumb Asylum
% will be glad to hear from those desiring to en-
ser the institution" especially from dumb can
aida!es,
The Detroit Post is alarmed at the report that
che Long Branch Sartoris baby has very little
hair on It's head. The Post says; This is oIni-
sous Bald headed, and not yet month old
Cesar was baldheaded."
4 Chinese woman at Portland, Ore, has just
taken the veil. II belonged to some one else, so
that she will be secluded for the space of four
years.
Ny stylish young lady with the close pin
back " dress on, do you know that every Tune
you pass man, the horrid creature turns around
10 look at you, and laughs and smokers ?-EDi-
yegid NtisS, t.|... ..rs
Girls i; ain't SO; they do nothing Of the sort.
They Kind o boil over on the inside and feel just
IKE when they were little boys and the sugar
bowl Was on the top shelf.
Cicero said: "The pursuit Of all things should
be cain aud tranquil" IL is plain that lac never
saw Butler county girl searching for flea
with her right paw which IS mightier than a
BOgardus Kicker run BY u Keely motor.--1Gtus-
sail HauU.
But, in the meantime, where was that flea?
An inhabltant of Corfu, who recently returned.
nom spitzbergcn, after an absence OF twenty
eight years, says he" had the good luck to find
his wife in good health and the widow OF three
husbands.-Ex.
Add good many husbands that are not in
hsoitanis of Corfu, would be sad if their wives
we're in ,hc same state Of good health
Kelsey Carr. of Clarcmont, n r., is 1914 years
0la, but she las never been married, and has
bern. deaf and dumb from birth.-El.
whole train OF such cars are wanted to go
west" by henpecked husbands.
The Chicago Times says
Mr. Milton Hay, OF Springfield, is talked OF
81 the Republican candidate for Governor OF ILL
nVis. He ought to be Hay mower popular man
Nith the farmer than almost any one else"
But, Hay may go to grass! The Republicans
give II. their strongest Beverage as their last ef-
fort. We are not as vet reduced to vegetable
DIS .wHs r..
A young man in Dallas Tex, awoke suddenly
The other night To find large snake in bed with
him. For fear Of provoking an attack he lay still
ill morning, when a friend came to call him
20 breakfast, and killed the intruder. The same
room has been visited by reptiles more than
once before In the spring three tarantulas were
sTught. aud about q mouth ago q rattlcsnakC
four feet long was killed therc.-Er
Deirum iremens break out in different ways
an Te=as, Of course. We have cur opinion o
snypcrson gho would sleep al! night with ;
sRake as. GO E|. t
Daysrd Taylor says that there is alcohol II
fresh bread, bat one has TO eat $50 loaves before
Ae imbibes enough Of the liquid to feel happy.
Yes. and that is why some people do not taxi
Sgsad as beverage.
The Chinese never Qua debtor; but don't z,
60 China on that account. ~ the money Ism
Esnd when due off comes an ear TO remind hin
"A the ear-or Of his ways-Ey.
that rule were enforced Lere some mel
Wbald n ID more ears than The largest field c