Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-11-19
1Gleouings.
sG1o0u10&S.
Liszt It's music stealing.
Every couple is not a pair.
Butterflies gild mud puddles.

Butterflles GID mud puddles.
A phib is lie painted IN water colors.
Josh Billings.
Advice to autumn poets-take your
leaves and go.
Never turn your back on beggar.
He might have squirt-gun.
The tug of war;" SO much talked of.
came into notice with the gunboats.
Happy Wales The royal yacht has
red psddle-wheels
They have kissing fairs in Iowa for the
benefit of the churches-price ten cents
kiss.
Feeling noses for drinks Is the popular
method in Southern Indiana. The one
that has the worst chill beats.
A Brushhear editor offers reward @.
So for the best treatise on "How to Make
Outdoor Life Attractive for the Musquito.
Mr.. Burrow is proposed as candidate
for office in Tennessee. His constituents
consider him first-rate man to gopher.
Politeness is the mother of peace. She
keeps familiarity and impudence from
being kicked to death, and often saves
herself broken head
An Alabamian who lost hat on james
Buchanan's election paid the wager last
week. The returns must have come in
very slowly in Alabama
A Kentucky editor tells another that if
his head were as red as his nose he would
remind one of bow-legged carrot sur
mounted by cockade.
Conduct unbecoming a gentleman and
a ball player has brought several East
ern professionals to grief of late. It
must be mighty bad conduct.
The girls in the Dead Letter Office at
Washington have no restraint put upon
them-they are allowed to fool with the
mails just as much as they please.
Lying is trying to hide in fog; if you
move shout, you are in danger of bump
ing your head against the truth; as soon
as the fog blows up you are gone anyhow.
An experienced farmer opines that the
man who can plow stumpy ground with
pair of lively mules without swearing, is
to go through Purgatory with an
overcoat on.
Out in Nevada. if we are to believe
newspaper statistics, the atmosphere is so
light that a cord of wood left out over
night will shrink to three-quartcrs of a
cord before morning.
'Six feet in his boots ~ exclaimed Mrs.
Partington, what will the impudence of
this world come to, l wonder Why
they might as well tell me the man had
six heads in his hat n
"a nights sleep reduces the human
weight about one pound" Ergo, a man
weighing 1870 poundSsafter enjoying 121
nights sleep would weigh one pound less
than nothing or woulden't he?
Now, that foreigners are at last allow
ed to travel in the interior of China, what
a splendid new field is thus Unexpectedly
opened for the insurance, lightning rod
and sewing machine men of America.
Employment is essential to happiness,
and SO generally is this recognized that
there are times when even the LATEST man
feels inclined to thank his Creator for
having provided him with mustache to
twirl
A Missouri clergyman has left the pull
pit, and become a clown in a circus. He
gives as reason that, three square meals
Il day and $50 week are better than %4O0
per annum, payable in dried apples, hay
and old Clothes"
Mr. Beecher thinks the Connecticut dea-
cons who take grapevine for the commu.
Mon table are holy men, for they turn out
such abominable stuff that nobody will
be tempted by it to begin a career of in
A gentleman, questioning little boy
said: when your father and mother
forsake you, Johnny, do you know who
will take yol up?" "Yes sir' said he.
And whos" said the friend ''The po-
lice, was Johnny's reply.
A Western editor apologies to his read
ers somewhat after this fashion: 1--WE ex-
pected to have death and marriage to
publish this week, but violent storm
prevented the wedding, and the doctor be-
AhS GIhCu DIM HiHiSSll, tHC P7tANnt ACSON-
cred, and We are accordingly cheated out
of both"
A gentleman had his watch stolen and
gave the detective the following descrip-
ton of the thief: He was q natty,
spruce and insolent-looking little fellow,
wore faultless clothes and an immense
ring, and had any quantity of
IL l.: -. Ao =,
tel clerk cried the detective.
A French woman IN crowd who saw
a German soldier blow his nose in vul-
gar way exclaimed: What with all
our five millards, they have not got pock-
yet" She was sent to
prison and fined, but the crowd pa,d her
fine and made up a purse for her for
the pleasure she mad caused them" This
happened at Lorraine.
"When l married." said ex Chancellor
of the Exchequer Lowe, at London
dinner party. II declared with all my
worldly goods thee endow,' although l
hadn't shilling in the world" But"
chimed in the wife, ''you had your splen-
did talents" Eyes my dear; but you
know / didn't endow you with them,"
was the right honorable gentleman's re-
ply. ~.
Always be courteous. The maxim was
uppermost in the mind of the lady who,
wishing to say lively thing exclaimed:
what lovely boy Just the image OF
his father!' kneeling in simulated enthu
siasm beside the cradle where she suppos-
ed the baby was sleeping, when, to her
confusion, the cat sprang from the cot
and cut short her eulogium.
If the orphan asylums are not for the
shelter of orphans, what are they for?
Such question was propounded recently
by Adam Seltz to the authorities Of the
German Orphan Asylum in Baltimore,
when they vowed by his name that they
would not admit him to the privileges of
the institution. Adam Seltz is 80 years
old. but he is unauestionably an orphan.
A New England fireman rose hastily
at the first alarm. He ran along the
streets believing Fire" He was enthu-
siachcally jumping the old machine"
and crying, "Now jam her down for our
side Johnny" when, by the light of the
ascending flames, which was trying to
toy with the pale-faced moon, he discoy-
cred that he had on his wife's velvet
basque. spangled with bugles and beads.
Nothing tends more thoroughly to shat,
ter ones confidence in outward appear
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