Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-02-04
SMITHS REHEARSAL.

| NEVER knew nicer fellow than
smith. He was an artist, and everything
you could wish for in the man whom
you made your friend.
For instance, he was good-looking, but
not SO gOod-lOOking that you felt jealous
Of him when you introduced him to the
ladies Of your acquaintance. He was
tall and strong enough to take your part
where physical force was necessary. He
was well enough off not to want to Dor
row money Of you and to lend it when
YOU wanted 10 borrow yourself. And to
crown all, he had temper Of the most
Suaye description imaginable. If he
played whist with you and won he peck
eted the money; if, on the contrary, you
won il did not make the slightest differ
rnce to Smith-you poCketed the money,
that was all To use the language Of the
by-gone professors of :" the noble art Of
self-defcnse," Smith was man who al
ways came up smiling, and for him life
seemed TO have no care.
1t is said to be a long lane that has no
u turning in his at last, and the turning
led him into a quagmire of misery-into
i Slough of Despond [ must tell you,
by the way, that Smith, in spite of his
good looks, was bit Of cynic. He
sneered at women and looked upon them
rs an inferior order of beings-only
suited TO make into shirt-makers, the
setters-on of buttons and washers of gar
ments. 1t was very Objectionable for q
man to have such points; but then We
are none of us born perfect.
How MANN his right senses,
mind,N said Smith to me one day in con-
fidence-" can go, with his eyes wide
open and say to q woman: Here, my
dear, let me be your slave for life, find
ing you in house-room and dresses, gets
over me, And the matter doesn't stop
there, for no one could possibly supply
woman with all that she wished for
Then look at her children and the cOnse
quent expenses there. Even il man
could treat it in this light, namely, that
his income would double on marriage
and 60 on doubling with every chile
born unto him, it would be a great un
dertaking; but as matters are, oh, my
dear boy, it's aTocious I'll never marry
Just look at Jennings"
- Not here" said, C to look at"
mo, dear boy" he said suavely; "bu
hook at bis position, mentally-twelve
children, twins three times, which makes
il seXtet. Fancy-being man with {
sextett It's horrible! Try another Of
these cigars, old fellow. | wouldn't bt
Jennings for all the world"
Nice little wife, though, | said.
Yes, she really is" said Smith, g,
most amisble little woman. How wei
come she always makes YOU whenyou go
Jennings is very proud of her"
So he ought to be-" said Mrs. J
is a model little woman; loves her hus
band dearly and always has sweet
candid smile for his old friends Seer
her sister9H
Yes" said Smith, I've seen her
But, after all, it's sad position for
man TO be in--tied up to a woman. How
he rAust look with envy at his bachelo
acquaintance! All, woman, woman-
rs Milton said, whose mortal tast
brought death into the world, and all on
woe"
Gently" I said; g if you must infic
quotations on your friends, Go it correct
~"
That's quite correct, assure you,
said Smith.
"Quite incorrect" / said.
Is il really, thought" he answered
opening his pleasant gray eyes yer
vide, "Well, do you know, now,
thought that was quite right?"
by the way" said, " the Jenningse
give party next week. Are you going
Dear boy, no." said Smith; " the
asked me-"
"And you declined?"
Well, no, I haven't declined yet. w