The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-12-15
over the falls" more Sinking of re-
sponsibility-it appears to be the pre-
Mailing thing, haraA

OVel Iue Aa'lS. \MOre Sinking OF re-
sponsibility-it appears to be the pre-
sHailing thing hera.
always had high regard for the
slgners of the Declaration Of Independ.
ence, but now they did not really seem to
amount to much along with the signers of
Niagara Falls. . !
TO tell the truth the multitude of signs
annoyed me. 1t was because noticed
at last they were prohibiting the very
thing l was just wanting to do.
desired to roll on the grass the
sign prohibited it. I loneed to smoke; a
sign prohibited it. And I was just in
the act OF throwing stone over to aston.
ish and .pulverize such parties as might
be picnlcking below. when sign have
just mentioned forbade that. Even that
satisfaction was denied me, and was a
friendless orphan.
There was no resource now but to seek
consolation from the flowing bowl. l
drew my flask from my pocket, but it
was all in vain. A sign confronted me,
which said:
mo drinking allowed on these prem.
ises."
On that spot I might have persisted of
thirst but for the savage words of an hon.
ored maxim that fitted through my
memory at that moment; ''All signs fail
in dry times" Common law takes pre-
cedence of the statutes. was saved.
The noble red man had always been a
darling OF mine. I loved to read about
him in tale and legends and romance.
l loved to read of his inspired sagacity,
and of his love of the wild, free life of
mountain and forest, and his grand truth.
fulness; his hatred of treachery, and his
general nobility of character, and his
stately metaphorical speech, and his chi.
valrlc love for the dusky maiden, and
the picturesque pomp Of his dress and &C.
coutrements.
When l found the shops at Niagara
Falls full of dainty beadwork and stun.
ming moccasins, and equally stunning toy
figures representing human beings who
carried their weapons in holes bored in
their arms and bodies shaped like pie,
knew that now Twas going to come face
to face with the noble red man.
A lady clerk in the shop told me, in
deed, that all her grand array were made
by the Indians. and there were plenty
about the Falls, and that they were
friendly, and that it would not be dan
gerous to speak to them.
came upon a camp of them gathered
in the shade of a great tree, making moe.
casins, and addressed them in the follow.
ing language Of friendship:
| "Noble Red-men, Brave Grand Sachen,
War Chiefs, Squaws, and High-you.N Muck.
a-setting sun greets you! You, Benefi.
cent Pole-catyou Devourer of mountains,
you, Roaring Thundergust-the pale.
face from beyond the great waters greet
you all.
"War and pestilence have thinned your
ranks and destroyed your once proud ma.
ton. Poker and seyen.up and vain
modern expense for soap unknown to
your glorious ancestors) have depleted
your purses. Appropriating in simplici-
ty the property of others has gotten you
into trouble. disappearing facts of
your sinless innocence has damaged your
reputation with the soulless usurper.
Trading with forty'rod whisky, to ena BILE
you to get drunk and tomahawk your
families. has played the everlasting mis-.
chief with the picturesque pomp of your
dress, and here you are in the broad light
of the nineteenth century, gotten up like
the ragtag and bobtail Of the purlieus of
New York! For shame! Remember
your ancestors! Recall the mighty deeds!
Remember Uncas! and Red Jacket and
Hole-in-the-Day and Horace Greeley
Emulate their achievements! Unfurl
yourselves under my banner, noble saw
ages, illustrious guttersnipes-
''Down wild him!''
"Scalp the blaggard ~
Hang him!'
"Dhrown him!'
1t was the quickest operation that I
ever saw. J. simply saw a sudden flash in
the air of clubs, brickbats, fists, bead
baskets, and moccasins "a single flash,
and they all appeared to hit me at once
and 10 two of them in the same place.
In the next instant the entire tribe was
upon me. They tore all the clothes off
of me they broke all my arms and legs !;
they gave me th"mp that denied the
top of my head till il would hole coffee
like saucer; and then to crown their
disgraceful proceedings and add insult to
injury they threw me over the Horseshoe
Falls and got wet.
About ninety nine or hundred feet
from the top the remains of my vest
caught on a projecting rock, and was
almost drowned before could get loose.
l finally fell and brought up in world
of foam at the foot of the Fall, whose
celled and hubby masses lowered up
several inches above my head.
Ofcourse l got into the eddy. I sailed
round and round it forty.four times,
chasing q chip and gaining on it each
round trip a half mile-reaching the
same bush on the bank fortx.fnnr times