The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-11-25
Wit and HunOr.

@-s-=-.z-=--
Wit and HumOr.
How TO make good advice go long
way-Send it by telegraph.
THE good little bootblack's epitaph-
"Gone to shine among the angels.
| A Tow.BoAr will naturally burn quick
er than any other kind of water craft.
"LET's retire twenty cents of the ire
deemable, F." is the way they "ask = man
in Kentucky now.
CRITICAL question of an old lady who
was shown picture of Jacob kissing
Rachel, s'What be they wrastling
about?"
THE hungry traveller will observe the
! following singular mixture on sign
near the Boston and Providence station
in Boston ''Coal, Bread and Pastry.
Mount Ho1YoKE SEMINARY has sup
piled 115 wives for missionaries. On
reading this in her paper, Martha Jane
rolled up her eyes and exclaimed Ho
" yoke how appropriate !"
AS OLD Mr.. - heaved In the last
scuttle of four tons of coal into his cellar,
he was heard to remark, "If they had
| been boys instead of girls, it wouldn't
have been thus One ton would last all
winter.
A MANUFACTURING firm in Lowell,
Mass, has secured the patent right OF
noiseless shoe, which, being felt, can't
be heard. Having no creek in it, it is
also expected to keep the wearer COM
paratively dry-shod.
A GENTLEMAN was examining an UNI
brella and commenting upon it's fine
quality. eyes, said a person present,
she fancies everything he sees.
"And," added third party, els in
clined to seize everything be fancies. F"
A FRENCH gentleman, who supposed
he had mastered the English language,
was sadly puzzled when a friend looked
at him and said How do you do?'
DO vat?" 81 mean, how do you find
yourself?" Saire, never loses my
self. . Sc But how dc you feel 2" " Smoot
you just feel me-
The other day when Detroit grocer
spelled sugar "s-h-u-g-e-r a friend
ssThat word isn't spelled quite right. .
"Ha see, laughed the grocer, zone
would think had no education. l." And
he crossed it out and wrote s-h-u-g- Or
Detroit Free Press.
LUCY LARCoM began to write verses at
/ the age of seven years, and an amusing
blunder occurred when one of her ear
1 lest pieces was published The editor
!, intended to say that they were written
under the inspiration of the &c muses. =
word that, by use of the wrong types,
was transformed into " nurses, ;, much to
| the amusement of those who knew her
age at the time.
"PAPA, / want new Bunker Hill,
said Westside girl yesterday morning.
"a new Bunker Hill? What under the
sun is that 2" s'Why. that is the name
of the latest style Of bonnet" cit is
eh?. Why do they call it that9" Oh, I
don't know, papa" s'Well, what does
it it. cost r. "Only $780, aoh, see
now why they call it Bunker Hill. ="
"Why, papa % "Because it's so high
sOh, you horrid, dear papa. There"
WHEN first the bride and bridegroom wed,
They love their single selves the best;
A sword is in the marriage bed,
Their separate slumbers not rest;
They quarrel and make up again.
They give and suffer words of pain.
Both right and Frong,
They strugel long,
Till some good day. When they are old,
Some dark day. when the bells are toIied,
Death having taken their best of nfeY
They lose themselves and find each other;
They know that they are husband wife,
For, weeping, they father mother.
-R. FL. StoddGrd.
A CITIZEN who has an Office on Girls
void street purchased some potatoes of
farmer the other day, and told him
where to drive and deliver them, and
where to come for his pay. The farmer
entered the office in about an hour, and
the citizen said 6 I'm very sorry, but
had to meet draft at the bank, and
can 81 "That's all right inter
rupted the farmer. 81 found your
landlord setting your household goods
on the sidewalk, and so sold the veg
etables to another man, = : Detroit Free
Press.