Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-02-26
NO. SOB.
Gleanings.
WIo801uSb.
Louisiana's cup is Fhil-led.

Laps of Timc-Old coat tails
A noose-paper-A marriage certificate.
What is the exact width of broad
grin:
The dearest spot on eartll---the store
that don't advertise
What vehicle did the man ride in who
was driven to despair?
The paper that has the largest circula-
tion-the paper of tobacco.
A sure sign of an early spring is cat
watching hole in the wall with her back
up.
II Everything is for the best" where
are the rations for the second best to come
from?
A young lady makes Shakespeare say:
AN eye like mas, to threaten and COM
mand.
Printers ink IS the war-paint of the
worlds boldest braves These warriors
are battling against wrong.
There's schoolma'a am out west who re-
wards good department by letting her best
scholars chew her gum little while
This jute the ladies patch their back
hair with never oks more like real hair
than when il appears in the butter.
1t is breath thrown away to talk moral
ity to "a young man who has to stay home
from the party on account OF a boil on his
nose.
Spain's cry to-day-'Hail Alphonso
Francis d'Assisse Ferdinand Pie Jean Ma
rie de la Conception Gregoire, King of
Spain"
Mrs. Partington, reading of the strike of
the wire drawers, remarked "Ah, me.
what new tangled things won't they wear
next
A man is in no danger as long as he
talks love, but when he writes it he is inn
paling himself on his own pot-hooks most
effectually.
A Yonkers man has invented way to
make his home happy, and intends TO APP
ply for patent. 1t is done by keeping
away from it.
Nothing recalls to the mind of the mar
ried man the joys of his single life so viv-
idly as to find that the baby has been eat
ing crackers in bed.
A young lady speaking of one of her
aversons, said the severest thing on re-
cord: Hes almost perfect brute-he
only lacks instinct"
The Gardiner Me Journal says there
is store in that place in which skull is
Kept on the counter, marked: This man
was a drummer. Beware
A newspaper warmed and placed inside
the waistcoat will keep out the cold far
better than large quantity of clothing
Now is the time to subscribe.
Another Atlantic cable has gone to the
| bottom of the sea- Whales with rheuma-
tism in their knee joints can now try the
boasted benefits of electricity
A citizen of Syracuse has thirteen chill
dren, all girls. What that father has
spent for hairpins would have bought the
Western Union Telegraph wires.
A man in New jersey has not been to
church in twenty years. Last Sunday he
went, had his pocket picked Of $35, and
he is now pronounced heather.
A California preacher is discoursing on
the best way to raise boys We have al
ways found No. ii boot about as effec-
tive as anything for raising them.
A Utica editor whose car Is shedding its
skin, explains that he has not been any,
where to freeze it, but he has been ex-
posed to good deal of domestic disci-
pline.
Lady teacher-"You must recollact that
all | AM telling you happened one thous-
and eight hundred and seventy-four years
ago Sally-'Lor' Miss. How the time
do slip away
Il want to know" said creditor, fierce
ly, when you are going to pay me what
you owe:' when am going to paw
Why you're pretty fellow. Doyou take
me for prophets"
Josh Billings says: There IL but very
little truth travelling around loose; two
thirds of all the gossip that IL atloat il
either lie or will be bi the time it haz
changed hands once more"
Teacher-"How many DAYS are there in
year, Johnnie?" Pupil--"325 days,
ma'am' Teacher--"Why, Johnnie! aren't
there more days than that" Pupil-"No
ma a'am; the other 40 are lent"
Douglas Jerold says, in his Hedgehog
Letters" that ''respeetability is all very
we'll for folks who can have it for ready
money; but to be obliged to run in debt
for it is enough to break the heart of all
angel"
4 physician, on presenting his bill to
the executor of the estate of !. deceased
patient, asked, do YOU wish to have my
bill sworn to?" NO" replied the eXecu-
tor; 1.-THE death of the decedant is sutti-
clent evidence that you attended him pro-
fessionally."
May l leave few tracts?' asked "a
medical missionary of a lady who re-
sponded to his knock. Leave some
tracks? Certainly you may" said she,
looking at him most benignly over her
specs; "leave them with the heels toward
the house, if you please"
You are from the country, are YOU
not, sir?" asked city clerk of Quaker
who had but just arrived. Yes" re-
piled the man. well, here is an es-
say on the rearing of calves" That"
SAID Aminadab, "thee had best present to
thy mother"
British parson and commercial traveller
in the cars conversation Slow Usual
question: What line are you ins" &c.
Parson answers, with faint joke, that he
is lin the spiritual line" 'Ha, ha," says
the other, "hlessed if | didn't think So
But, say, what - of a price you've
got gin up to-"
What shall be said of that bcnighted
batchelor who, being called on for toast
gave: Our future wiveS-distance lends
enchantment to the view" And that 9TH
er one, if possible, shade more reprobatc,
who proposed; "Woman-the morning
star of infancy, the day-sta of age; bless
our stars, and may they be kept at tele
scopic distance
A stranger who was eating piece of
pie in Il Detroit restaurant struck his teeth
against something hard, and presently held
up twocent piece, and exclaimed
Here, you-here's two cents that found
in the pie.' "Well, I'm sorry it isn't fif-
teen,' replied the waiter; "but the fact is,
times are SO hard that we can't do any
better just now."
You should not be SO glutinous. Isaac"
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