The true northerner. [volume] (Paw Paw, Mich.) 1855-1920, 1875-05-28

heart; only II per bottle, ana full dlrec-
tions inclosed in English, German and
French" Or you have seen him in a
thousand other places lying to the best
of his ability. There are many other
kinds too numerous to mention. The
particular liar / designed to make the
subject of this paper belonged to the
profound class. His name was Toby
Trotter; Old Tobe he was generally
called He was an old Virginian from
Culpepper county. A sober, quiet fellow
was old Tobe, and he did nothing but
loaf around and tell big tales. He could
tell the most marvellous and improbable
stories / ever heard, and yet he did it
with such eloquence and impressiveness
that one was halfway compelled to be-
heve in him. The old fellows hair was
very white, his mouth was of the os
rOttmdunl order, and his innocent blue
eyes betokened man of the most excel
lent veracity. Everybody liked old Tobe.
Everybody liked to hear him talk. lobe
was not bore; he was not always forcing
you to hear one of his tales. He always
waited for nee chance to slip in yarn.
If you were sitting in grocery and hap
pened to be talking about dogs, Tobe
would tell this story:
Gentlemen, l once owned the best
dog that ever lived. That dog has pass
ed from this cold-hearted world to a
better, hope. Wipes tear from his
eye. wish the good Lord had spared
that dog to me as a comfort to me in my
old age. Gentlemen, he was ratter,
regular ratter-a Scotch terrier imported
from Dundee. Lord, gentlemen, what
sense that dog had, and he seemed to
know just what his mission III this world
was. He seemed TO know that Provi-
dence put him here to kill rats. Gentle
men, saw that dog kill ], 1,257 rats in one
hour, and when they were all gone he
sat down and howled because there were
no more. 1t was pitiful sight to see.
One day / took him to the barn to kill
rats; it was completely undermined with
holes, and / stationed him at hole on
one side, and l went to another place and
punched them up. Well, the rats began
to pour out and he killed hundred; and
then they commenced coming too thick
for him, and he caught three in his
mouth, and got one under each foot, and
then / wish may be damned if he didn't
back up and stick his tail in the hole to
stop them until he killed what he had;
after he killed those he had in durance
vile, he opened the hole and let EN- come
again, but every little bit they would get
too fast for him, and he would back up
and stop the hole. He did that fifty
two times and killed 2,4S7I rats. Poor
fellow the strain on his mind was too
much for him; he died next day of apo
plexy."
After he had finished some one would
ask about the half of a rat, and he would
say: "Oh, l can't just explain it, but l
know the tiggers are right; it occurred
some way in averaging"
If any one should speak of travelling
after night, Tobe was ready with this
story:
able drive after night. | was driving a
six-horse team, and my hghtest horse
weighed ton. / had to cross long,
open, rickety bridge, about $50 feet
high, that would hardly bear a hundred
pounds; the bridge was two inches mar
rover than my wagon, but by allowing
the tire to jut over an inch on each side
L could make it. Ny wagon-tire was
only an inch and quarter wide, and
you see l hadn't much to play on. The
night was very dark-dark as a stack of
'niggers SO dark that / could not see
an elephant four inches ahead OF me.
Well, l drove to the bridge, whipped my
team into gallop, and crossed ii
straight as an arroaO, but of course l
felt little queer.
If you were talking of stout men he
would tell this:
Gentlemen, once lifted consider
able load for man of my size. 1t oc-
CURED in this way: was recovering
from severe sickness, and was as weak
as child. 1 was sitting in front of my
house one morning, when my kiln of
lumber took fire. / was seasoning 100,-
600 feet of lumber to build a milk-house
with; it was supported by several posts.
When l saw the fire | shouted to my
men 0 had fifteen hands working for
me- to go and push it down; they went
and tried their best to do so, but couldn't
bulge it. Well, got mad-very mad
ID mad, and went and seized post,
and, putting all my strength against it,
pushed the pile dO,On, but / must con-
fess that felt sore for few hours"
Or sometimes he would tell this:
Gentlemen, 1 was recovering from
cholera. l was very low and weak, so
weak that if you would fan me right hard
i would fall over. 1 went out riding
one morning on a large, powerful horse
I suppose he would weigh a ton; the
wind was blowing a gale; as / was eros
sing rotten bridge his front legs fell
through, and 1 was thrown off. Well,
didn't know what to do. / couldn't see
anybody around; the horse was founder
ing about and if something wasn't done
pretty quick he would break his legs.
Well in sort of mad frenzy put myself
against his breast and gave a tremen-
dous hft-that made me see stars-and I
raised him right up; but L am bound to
admit that it made me so sick that /
couldn't ride, and / had to walk home. :"
II you should ever happen to have
chickens for a topic, Tobe was ready
with his STORY:
Gentlemen, he always began his
discourse in the politest manner-"it is
singular how long a chicken will hive
without air. A remarkable thing once