Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-05-26

Proverbs Refuted. 1t has been said
of old that "a bird in the hand 10 worth
two in the Bush" Try it. Take .
bird (any bird will dO) in your hand,
and 00ld it securely then take . pas
sage in the first vessel you. can find
(any vessel will dol and proceed to the
Antipodes, still retaining the bird in the
hand. where the Bush is supposed to
be. When you arrive, examine the
bird which you have in your hand and
compare it with any two birds you can
find in the Bush. Estimate their rela-
tive value. You will find that the
prOverb has led you astray.
Again. 1t has been said that 'It is
the last straw that breaks the cameFs
back Imprimis, how long would a
man go about until he had satisfied
himself that be had found the last"
strawf But We will grant, for the
sake of argument, that the last straw"
has been found. Now take your camel
(any camel will do) and cautiously de-
pOsit that straw upOn the back of the
the spine of that quadruped is dislO-
Gated. 1t is to be imagined not. How
then this prOverb n
Once more. 1t has been spoken, and
written, that If you Take care of the
pence, the pounds will take care Of
themselves Make the experiment.
Take pence (say three pence) and place
them In your purse, and put your purse
in your pocket. Button your pocket,
if your pocket is buttOnable, or deposit
the three pence with your banker, or
invest them in a Canadian oil well.
Next take a sovereign (anybOdy's SOW
ereign will do) and place it carefully
ON the pavement (the centre of a coal
plate is not q bad spOt) and after Ie-
tiring up the stage, and "dIssembhng,"
observe how that sovereign will take
care of itself.-PuRch.
A PitMble Cdse.-An Irishman was
arrested for highway robbery, and on
being brought before magistrate, as
serted that he was more entitled to be
pitied than to be punished.
"Pitied" exclaimed the justice, while
his eyebrows arched with more than
the ordinary wonder and contempt,
''and on what account, pray r
"Sure, on account of my misfortune y
"YOur misfortune, indeed What!
that we have caught you, ] suppose r.
"Oh, the gintleman that brought me
here knows my misfortune well
enough
But the gentleman was as astOnished
as the magistrate himself, and as inca
pable of understanding the culprit's
meaning.
"YOu will own, l suppose said his
worship. "that yOu stopped this gen.
tleman on the highway ;"
"Oh! yes, did that same.-
And that you took from him 6 80 i'm
bills I"
And there your hOnOr's right again"
We'll, then. you perDlexing vaga-
bond, what do you mean by your mis-
fortune n
"Sure. and the money wasn't in my
pocket above q week whin the dirthy
bank sthOpDed payment, and | was
robbed of iviry shilling.
One day during the hard winter of
1863, Miss Arnold applied to General
Milroy for permit to forage her COW,
the milk of wn.;h was the chief sup
port of the family. Are you lOyalf :"
asked the general. "Yes," she replied.
He began to write the permit-"TO the
United States, or the Confederate
States r. ITO the Confederacy, of
course she replied. ''Then l shall
give you no permit said the general.
This Infamous rebellion must be
crushed" "Well,r said abe, eff you
can crush it by starving John ArnOid's
COW, go it."
Recently farmer was elected to a
corpOralshIp in militia company. His
wife, after discOursing with him for
some time on the advantage which the
family would derive from his exalta-
ton, inquired. in q doubling tone,
Husband, will it be proper for US to
let our children play with the neigh
eagerly asked, Are we not all cOrpO-
rails 7" "Tut," said the mother; "hold
your tongue; there is no one corporal
but your father and mvself."
Last week a newly married gentle
man and lady riding in a chaise were
unfortunately overturned. A person
coming to their assistance, observed it
was a very shocking sight. Every
shocking indeed" replied the gentle
man, ito see a newly married couple
fall out so sOOn."
'.Henrietta,n said a lady to her new
girl, when there's bad news, Darticu-
larly family affection, always let the
bOarders know 1t before dinner. 1t may
seem strange to you, Henrietta, but
such things make great difference in
the eating in the course of q year."
IL think can suit you to q hair
said a boarding house landlady to a
bachelor applicant who had been stating
his requirements.-"Suit me to hair,
ma'am! hope not; that's what my
last landlady tried to do, and gave me
three samples in the butter"
Typographical errors come in odd
The other day we were
reading description of enthusiastic
at q political gathering,
when the type went on with-"the air
was rent with the SnOuts of three thou |
sand people"
"Hds that cookery book any pic
tures I" said Miss L. to a bookseller
NO, miss, nOne," was the answer
why" exclaimed the young lady, |
make good dinner, if they give US no |
plates 2"
A young Irishman, who had married |
when about nineteen years of age, COM
planning of the difficulties to which his |
early marriage subjected him, said ''he |
would never marry so young again If |
he lived to be as Ould as Methusalem.- |
"Ben Billings stole horses, and then |
lied about it; so his friends took him |
out and performed q surgical operation
on him from which he never recovered |
is the way the hanging of q Nebraska |
man is recorded In local paper.
Paddy's description of fiddle cannot |
be beaten; at was the shape of a
turkey. and the size of goose. He |
turned it over on its belly and rubbed |
its back with q stick, and och, by st. |
Patrick, how it did squealr'
"gdck, did you carry that umbrella |
bone ! borrowed yesterday f"-"No,
hox Of %rll - l.