Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1875-09-03
MULTUM In PARyO.

/
THE picnic season and spiders and bugs
| will soon join the invisible host.
IT depends upon the sun whether OF
not coming events cast their shadows be-
| fore.
Who wrote on those $4,000 900 postal
cards which were used during the month
of July?
NEVER go near balloon, young friend.
Like the innocent-looking revolver, it's
liable to 60 off at any moment.
IT is accounted mean thing for Con-
necticut father to tell his son that the
Robinson Crusoe" book isn't true.
TREASURER New makes each one of
the clerks in his department put in full
time or pay the difference. This is new
thing.
"A A FLOATING debt is any other than a
resented by bonds running for term of
years.
A BLIND English mendicant wears this
inscription round his neck: Don't be
ashamed to give only half-penny. I
can't see."
"YoU dough- nut attend to your duty,
and you fritter the time away" was what
the impatient man said to the slow waiter
at the restaurant.
A ROCHESTER, On H. man gives vent to
his views upon the evils of profanity in
an article paid for as an advertisement
four weeks in the local newspaper.
ONE of the New York churches is about
to inaugurate new idea-that of having
sermons preached from the pulpit Sun
day evenings by men who are not clergy
men.
HOWEVER other cities of the world may
act, it is to the praise of the great metrop-
oils Of London that travellers always find
her Sundays kept profoundly solemn
quiet and respectful"
JUDY advises those contemplating mat
rimony to keep on contemplating it and
they won't get hurt. Were bigamists as
common in England as here Judy wouldn't
have said such thing.
TRAMP, tramp, tramp, go the army of
Migrants and thieves over New England !;
and the people cry in vain for relief. The
fault is not so much with the laws as with
the tender-hearted people themselves.
AS THE ladies walked on the beach
with their hair down, because otherwise
cit takes so long to dry" it was the en-
FAINT terrible who said triumphantly
"Mamma leaves all hers at the hotel"
A PARTINGToNIAN iuryman in Vermont
recently informed his fellow,juror with
great gravity, that ono external magne-
tism being visual he would vote in the de-
fensive." No attempt was made to change
his decision.
A TENNESSEE girl didn't sue her lover
for breach of promise when he deserted,
but mounting mule and shouldering a
shotgun she cantered along on his trail
and gave him his choice between shooting
and marrying.
The funeral cortege moved slowly down
the street, and as she left the house of
mourning she observed to her companion
Lizzie, if any of our folks should die |
don't think I'd wear Grape rosettes on my
bonnet, would your
A MOUNTAIN of sulphur has been dis
covered in Humboldt County, Neb., a CON-
pany has been formed, and they get from
SO to SO per cent. pure sulphur. A town
has been laid out at the works and chris
tened by the poetic name of Inferno"
HAPPY bridegroom: "More money,
madam! more money! have you forgotten
that my money has bought everything you
possess-the very dress you stand in ?"
Fair bride: No, sir; nor have l forgotten
that your money has bought what stands
in it!''
SHE thought it was tramp at the door,
so she locked it and from an upper window
bombarded him who stood and knocked
with the tea kettle, two brooms, one-eighth
cord kindlings, and mop-handle. He
WINGED not; then she knew by his style of
lodging that it was her husband.
PROF. RILEY, State Entomologist of Mis-
souri,, who discovered the fact that cooked
grasshoppers taste like nuts, walls the de-
parture of those winged delicacies. They're
nutty, but they're nice. However, even
though his diet of grasshoppers is gone,
there's nothing in life (nor in death either,
for that matter) to prevent his taking to
Diet Of Worms.
BUFFALO has ghost on the Hamburg
turnpike. 1t walks in the middle of the
road like an ordinary man until people
ret near and then looks at them with an
unearthly face and vanishes in an instant.
A well-known citizen was murdered IN
that vicinity few years ago and tney
think perhaps it is his "sperit'' looking
for the assassin.
YESTERDAY morning after Twelfth
street man had entered street-car and
dropped his nickle in the box boy came
running after the car and called out:
"Jones-oh! ones, your wife has got an
other fit'' Jones stepped to the door,
looked around with a perplexed air anu
called back: "Well, it's too late now!
I've paid my fare and l don't propose to
let this corporation get ahead OF me. "-De
h0at Free Press.
A LATEIY-APPoINTED Postmaster OF
Western Massachusetts town came down
to Boston the other day to qualify and
have his bond for 5000 approved. The
bond was all right, and the regular ques-
tion was nut to the p. NJ: "How much
are YOU worth, sir?" "Wal," he replied,
az don't tell haow much I'm worth.
Bradstreet sets me at $4,000. l guess
you'd better put it down at that fgger
q How much do the assessors set you at :"
"Wal. the assessors don't set me at quite
so high a figger; but Tin confidential
Whisper, tween you N me, I'm once the
assessors. Boston I'rd0etter.
A CASE of peculiar interest to those VINO
use oil lamps has just been decloeu "
the Supreme Court of Louisiana. a
woman of New Orleans purchased some
G ,,o,, exoJosive,, oil-in this instance
named Z septoline''-which exploded as
the woman was filling lamp, burning. a
GIRL of eighteen, her daughter, severely,
and inficting upon herself the burden
and care of nursing the injured child
and and the expense of medical aid. The
manager of the Septoline Oil Company
was made defendant and damages were
laid at S6,000-those of the daughter Z, at
s., 900 and of the mother at 81 900. Inc
defense was a general denial. A lower
court decreed 81 600 to the daughter and
$3.50 to the mother, and the supreme
Court has Just affirmed the decision.