Litchfield enquirer., 1875-12-02
Fhreys ehyssc to the poas; i'm none
 nfif
CLIPPINGS

l "
 'Belles" call great many people to church.
 The dentists epitaph ~'He is filling his last cavity" Whats in a name? D. Seaver drives q milk wagon in St. Louis.
 Tn what meter should"Up in balloon" be sung? Gas meter.
 New Bedford is said to have but enc whaler left a schoolmaster. A fac simile of the high c. s in music is reached by treading gently on cats tail.
 ''Never say fall. Says an exchange. Say you will pay so many cents on a dollar. Did you ever know a country town that hadn't the best brass band ill the state? Tailor, measuring fat customer. "Would you hold the end, SIT, while I go around you"
 A modern essayist defines gossip to be the putting of two and two together and making five of them"
 Quills are things that are sometimes taken from the pinions of one goose to spread the opinions of another.
 Union is not always strength" as Sir Charles Napier said. when he saw the pnr- ser mixing his rum and water.
 Victor Hugo was once accused of hay ing changed sides more than once. Ho replied J'ai grandi," q have grown.
 Some papers are always talking of their independence and sneering at "organs." Isn't it better to be an organ, than to be a tyre?
 A New Jersey female institute contains thirty-four redheaded girls, and the prin- cipal dispenses with gas and all other ar- tifcial light.
 In New York prayer meetings they pray for the editor of the Sun. There's just where people get foolish in religion. They expect too much of 1t.
 "what does Good Friday mean ?" asked one school-boy of another You had better go home and read your Robin son Crusoe, Twas the whitening reply.
 "What is that dog barking at, asked a flop whose boots were more polished than his ideas. "Why." said bystander, "he sees another puppy in your boots."
 Thirteen million milch COWS Tn this country assist to color the water for which the average citizen pays eight cents a quart" is the latest way of putting it. Mishwaukee, Ind, has three church bells, all of whom are cracked, and when they ring for Sunday service they seem to say, "B-last y-your eyes! c-come to m- meeting"
 There was young lady of Bicester.
 One day that her lover had kissed her.
 She seemed quite perplexed,
 And To show she was vexed
 She gave such slap to her sister.
 "Was the crowd tumultuous?" inquired one man of another who had just come from n mass meeting. ''Too multuous! oh. ne; just about multuous enough to comfortably fill the hall
 When citizen of Rochester is blown into the dreamy hereafter by kerosene lamp explosion the gas company officials grimly remark ''Comes O fighting agin honest monopoly"
 They have found a petrified Mormon in 1 Utah, and from the number of dents in the head, evidently made with a poker and fiat iron, it is judged that he had at least thirty three wives.
 This is the way the newspapers talk in Louisiana :: "If that convicted thief and robber, Jim Walker, wants any fuss with us he can have steel or bu6kshot in unlim- tied quantities by poking his nose around | our corner"
 X Dutchman, being advised to rub his limbs we'll with brandy for the rheuma- tism, said he had heard of the remedy, but added, '1 dosh better as dat-I drinks de brandy, den I rubs mein legs init der bottle."
 A correspondent writes to know why We do not publish more original poems. The trouble is generally that they are not long enough. Most young writers confine themselves to twenty or twenty-five verses and the sentiment has no opportunity for expansion. .-NOr,Cich Bulletin,
 The Indianapolis Herald feelingly re- marks, ''The mau who designed our State seal is dead. Any man, who would try to make people believe a full grown buffa. To bull would deliberately rush up to a granger who was chopping down a tree at sunrise, ought to die" G
 That matter-of-fact boy of the vicks. burg Herald must he fair candidate for the Free Religionists My son, put away that ball. Do you know where the wick ed boys go who play baseball on Sum- day?" "Yes'm; they go down by the Fair Il Grounds. :.
 She was brushing his hair, and he en. ioyed being fussed over amazingly. Roll. ing up his eyes he said: My dear, why | h~, lo l.l
 ica, like me now? ?" She couldn't tell him and he explained: "Because he was tick led at being fust over.''
 4 white minister at a colored wedding said, Con such occasions as this it IS GUS. : toufary ito kiss, the bride, but in this case 2 we will omit it To this unclericalfe mark the indignant bridegroom very per tinently replied: ''On such occasions it i, customary to give the minister ten dollar. bnt in this case we. will omit it." II There was rector in England who, ,aftel his establishBient in c parish. preached the same sermon to his congregation Snn day after Sunday-a very good sermon but always the same. At last the farmer sent a deputation to request a change "very &ell. said the rector, ..bnt now let any one of you tell me all about tha lsermon." Not . person could give al aecosnt. s'Then." resumed the clergy man, "l1l continue to preach it till Tn sure you all know what it contains" A. The Derby1l Englandl <NercnEy says @srhe most -nnbushing thing in advertise ments we have ever seen occurred las
 week among the obituary notices of tn,
 Derbyshire Advertiser Omitsing the es A seneial parsof the advertisement, it read, thns. SoLoMoS-On the 18th July, 1875 .. at the residence of her son, Mir. Isaac Sol ! omon, Kent Terrace, Norwood, Adelaide Y South Austraiha, Mrs. Esther Solomon aged 100 years and six months. For th,