The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1875-08-26

A woman dressed in mems clothes VS..
tied variety show in Washington and
was arrested. The policeman who made
the arrest Is married man with several
daughters, and the moment he saw that
woman draw her foot up under her and
sit on IT, he penetrated her disguise.
| A Presbyterian minister while marry.
ing couple OF his rustic Pensioners, felt
exceedingly disconnected, on his asking
| the bridegroom if he were wiling to take
the woman for his welded wife. by
scratching his head and saying: CAV.
I'm wullin' but I'd rather haze her sis.
/ ter.
| A venerable sage, advising a young
man upon courtship and matrimony, said !:
There Is more happiness in one year of
married life than m forty years of hang
| ing around the wrong woman" Quite
true, but who, nowadays, hangs around
the wrong woman, or even the right one,
| for forty years
1t is seldom easy to see the hidden ben.
efaction in that which is an apparent az
| fiction. A boy who was "coniound ng''
the mosquito was told by his pastor tha (.
| doubtless the insects are mace w n a
good end in view," when the young scamp
replied, Il can't see whe her il IS n view
or not. At any "a e | don't Ike the end
feel.'
At a small church in England recently.
upon the reverend gentleman" announc.
| ing his text, respectfully attired female
| IN arn1 tho ahnr,, - hoo
look round to see who the latest arrival
was, when the reverend ''gentleman" said ::
Now. my friends, just look at me !; let
me have your attention, for these who
come in late are not worth looking at.
Arustic couple from Berkshire county.
Mass. called upon hartford clergy man
on Thursday las- and were married. ana
after the cernony the bridegroom inqui~-
ed the charge. The clergyman jokingIv
answered that "a cent a pound would be
| about right, whereupon a mental calcu-
lation was made by the groom. who hand
ed out So, with the satisfied comment
Cheap enough :
A little girl was telling a neignoor. a
lady, that her mother was gong 10 nave
some bToma" and asked if she would Ike
some. Thinking TO bosher her. me ladv
said, No | guess not, as my ,ee,h are
net very good. The i lie g'-t looked
at her moment IN silence. az though
hardly able TO see the point Of he argu-
ment, and then said Amt you got a
Swallerett. either -
"Did you ever see that picture. grand
ma !" asked a young lady as they took a
view of the family portrait gallery. See
t! Why, it's portrait OF myself when
! was seventeen Il thought you had
forgotten it, or you wouldn't always be
lecturlng us girls about modesty in
dress Grandma looked over her spec
tacles and declared the girls nowadays
were very impertinent to their elders.
$50 you have been out driving all the
afternoon, Mr.. Willis q Yes, and we
had delightful time ANY ladies in
the party!" "Oh, Miss C, do you
think we could be so sinful as to take
ladies out on a Sunday. Oh, my, no :;
only gentlemen we've in the patty.
Stopped at Conkling' on the Like for
nice little game supper, then we opened
two or three bottles of wine at Mye. 5
and Moon on the way back. No ladies,
oh, no. Only quiet, religious panic
When a Cass avenue husband went
home the other night and handed his
wife gold locket she reached her arms
around him and exclaimed: "Oh you
dear old pippin there was never another
man like you" Next day he weRt home
and found her getting ready TO 90 70 an
excursion, and he put his foot down End
tod her to remain at home. She tn1ew
her bonnet Oh the foo. kicked over
chair, and remarked: "Mo her always
said / d marry the meanest man in Mich
isan.
A Titusville man got his mustacue
shaved. That's not strange. When
he went home his wife did not recognize
him. and took him for a sewing machine
agent. At first he was disposed to keep
up the delusion, but after satisfy ing him
self that she did not know him, he spoke
then she came nearer, scanned the
lea es, and said : You tarnal fool.
VIVA. have you been doing TO yourselfl
|? [ had a shotgun I'd bow you so full
of holes that your victuals would not do
you any good.
When Rev. c. K. Imorie, of the First
Presby .erian church, Jersey City, was
closing mis- sermon last Sunday, ne called
on his hearers 20 avail themselves Of the
present. their day of GRACE. At the most
affecting part of the exhortation, young
man, under the influence OF liquor, start
ed up and began taking Of his coat. say
ing. You mean me. | know you do, you
are looking right at me. Come down
here. if you think your any bettar'n |
am" An officer soon lodged him in the
Creepy rect station-house.
A correspondent of The Indiana Far
mer says:- Last fall knew a man who
had Two lots OF hogs bought, that he had
to feed fou- zen days before they went off.
The first loS weighed two hundred and
fifty POUNDS; the second, three hondred
and SIX. Inc first lot ale dirt conSide-a
bly,; Cne second did not. The result wa,
the ii st lot gained nothine. while che
second gained thirty-one pounds. Now
the remedy is to supply mem with Plen,
ty of finely broken stone coal. Ibis -ney
will eat as if il were hickory nuts or wal
nus. I know a man that goes 20 he
coal mine and gets load Of fine coal and
throws it in his hog lot wherever be IS
feeding a lot Of hogS for market.