The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-09-03
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

Speaking Of the Israelites, were they
not to the uaanna born ?-Rochester Demo
crdt.
China has appropriated 40, 900 taels to the
Centennial Pig-taels, probably Alta.
California.
| Two Gloucester men talk of crossing the
ocean in dory. Guess they'llfind it hardly
hunkey-dory to do so.-Boston Post.
Married people will have no difficulty in
getting along well if they always keep two
bears in the house-bear and ferbear.
The rise in coffin trimmings will prevent
many frugal families from enjoying all the
pleasures of the green apple season this
year.-Noraoich Bulletin.
The papers are discussing the question,
"Can Grants grandson become Presi-
dent9' Well, he can't next year, though
he might be consul to Brest.-La Crosse
Sun.
Spotted Tails daughter has been so much
liad about in the papers. that we don't
believe Gid Spot has daughter and almost
believe that he hasn't got a tail.-,St. Joe
Herald. .s...@
A writer wants to know which is the most
elegant expression, "tiny bit'' Or a
"small piece" Either is good enough
though perhaps the latter is little maorceau.
Com. Adv.
A party of FIJI islanders are to attend
the Centennial. Sealed proposals for sup
plying them with roast missionary during
their stay, should be sent in at once
Cour6er-Journal.
Some people want to make you believe
that you can see grass growing in the streets
of New Orleans in winter time. The only
grass we ever saw growing there at that
season was Mardi-gras.- Com. Ado.
An inofensive man who lisped got knock
ed down at an Ohio Republican Primary,
the other day, for shouting "Hurrah for
Thurman" 1t turned out that he only
meant, "Hurrah for Sherman. .'-Com.
Ado.
The people in the valley of the Yellow
stone have fixed themselves in readiness
for the Indians, and are quietly sitting
about with their guns cooked humming
"Come into the garden, Sioux .''-.St. Joe
Herald.
The Mobile Tribune commences an edi-
torial by saying: "There are 100000
1o ;,e+
the girls from the aggregate, what will be
the residium? 2" We give 1t up. Wouldn't
have single girl deducted for all the resi-
diums in the world-Erchange.
"Warm hearts are what we want now,"
said one of the brethren, twirling ten
cent stamp with an air of reckless benevo-
lence, "plenty of warm hearts, that will
inspire ready hands to drive deep into full
pockets and fork over the balance of that
800, 900. ."-Brooklyn Argus.
Some months ago an Oregon man named
his girl baby after Queen Victoria, and
wrote to the queen to that effect She
didn't tseem to care cent, and he changed the
child's name to SAL" and went out and
pounded the first Englishman he met
Pittsburgh Commercial.
"Pin 'em back, pin 'em back! " exclaimed
one Rome lady to another, in the streets,
The order related to skirts
but for some remarkable reason Mr.. John |
son, who was passing at the time, pulled |
his hat right down over his ears, and said |
that in his opinion women were getting
more impudent every day.-Ahanta Her.
uld.
Fred. Hart, of the Austin Re1eille relates
5he following: While riding up the Reese
River Valley with Stubs last week he
pointed his finger across the valley and
said: Over yonder is Washington; it's on
ibis mail route but the postmaster got
killed, and they buried him with his clothes
IN. The key Of the post-office was in his
'reeches pocket, and when they buried
linn they buried the whole post-office, and
t's Dead Letter Office now.
The modern school girl must have queer
deas. In conversation with New York
eporter at the chop" at Vassar, Tuesday
'vening, one of them queried g Are you
ingle?' An affirmative answer being given,
hen she asked thoughtfully, "Do editors
ver get rich ?" The "pencil heaYer" again
eplied in the affirmative, and instanced
everal leading Journalists, and then added,
8 leave for New York tomorrow, and it
will take me three days to pay my taxes
nd cut the coupons off my bonds p' is it
'ossible !'' replied the miss "and you so
oung, too.'-PougAksepsss Eagle.
The other morning, an hour or two before
packet was to make the Vicksburg land
ng, Kentuckian, wearing No. 1e paper
ollar, TUNED out Of his berth half dressed,
cit up and down his state-room door, and
hen yelled for the captain. When the
aptain arrived, the Kentu ckian inquired
i deep tones: car you the capting of
his boat?" "I ann "Well, don't
rant to make any trouble here, but I'm
ion when ye rouse me! I left big cud of
um sticking right thar last night, and !,
m goin' to find the man who stole it, or
m goin' to tear the bottom out of this !
oat!" The gum was found. L. Vicks5wrg /.
lerGld.
Wonders of Minute Workmanship.