The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-08-05
POLICE COURT SKETCHES.
A WANDERR,

A WANDEREds.
Joseph Muldoon had scarcely touched
the mark when he informed the Court
that he was not only poor orphan,
without relative in the world, but that
he belonged in Canada.
81 can't help it if you belong in Col
orado, replied the Court ''you shall
have fair trial and truth and justice
shall stand out here like freckles on a
Chicago woman's nose. Are you gull
typ"
81 took drop, sir"
"Where did you drop from?"
'I mean that 1 slipped a little brandy,
sir, and it flew 70 my head"
'-Joseph Muldoon, native of Canada,
you've spoken truly said his Honor.
'"Che brandy flew to your head, you
flew to an alley and the police flew to
you. 1t was flying time. Do you
make a practice of drinking brandy"
No sir-I drink whiskey as general
thing"
'Yes -um-yes, unused his Honor, as
he looked over at the grinning Bijah.
''Well, I'll sequester you
'"Thanks, sir, thanks
81 don't want any thanks. I said I'd
sequester you for thirty days."
''I'm greatly obliged, sir, and I'll go
now-right Off"
''Sir! don't you know what sequester
means?" exclaimed the Court.
eyes, sir, and I'll be in Canada in
ten minutes %
Bijah grinned.
The clerk grinned.
The reporters anxiously waited.
'Mr. Joy, let this man out" contin-
ued the Court as he looked up from his
papers, "and warn him that he'll catch
it if he ever comes within thirty six
miles of Detroit again.
VENERABLE PINE.
September johnson, why do you ap-
pear at this bar?" asked his Honor of
the next mana darkey SO old that his
head was white and his limbs weak.
''To git away, was the reply"
"And how many policemen were en-
gagged in your arrest ?'
s'One sah.''
"Only one? Why, I thought it must
have taken dozen to bring you in.
Well, SO you were drunk?''
"No, sah--I was tired
&C Mr.. johnson, you are very near the
yawning tomb. You are in the Decem-
Der of your life, IF you live to see the
Centennial open you'll be forgotten by
all men before another comes. Stand
ing there one foot in the grave, as it were,
your white hair signalling that you
are nearly ready to sail across the mys-
tic river, can you lie to me2"
81 was a little drunk" replied the
prisoner, after moments reflection.
ssThat's better Mr.. johnson. You
have clean look and hope your path
down the valley of death may have no
terrors. You may go Mr.. Johnson, and
if were you I'd stick to weak tea and
barley water and let strong drink alone. !"
81 will, sah,' replied the old chap as
he hobbled away.
A YOUNG OAK.
'Loafng around, eh?" inquired the
Court as John Brown was brought out
''I've tried for job," growled the
prisoner.
81 know all about you, John. I've
seen those ears-that nose, that yawning
mouth here at this bar half dozen diff
terent times during the past year.
'T'm going to Chicago, sir"
"Tn bet five hundred dollars to cent
that you won't! Your going to the
House of Correction for sixty days"
''It's bad, sir, when a fellow tries
hard to find work
ST know it. The police have seen
you trying to work into barns and sheds.
You've tried to work money out of
strangers. You've worked up rows and
riots OF the Potomac, and now you've
worked in here again. I've thought
your case over and over in my mind. I
wonder you haven't run across some one
who wanted to break your neck. You
don't know what gratitude or self-respect
or honor is. You'd rather own fight
ing dog than the best library in the
country, and rather get drunk than be
presented with an eighteen-dollar Bible.
You'll have to go up"
''Ill try to be good, SIR"
''Can't help it. gave you fair warn
ing, and the creased plank awaits you.
Detroit Free Press.