The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-03-04
WHOLE NO. 1449.
Miscellaneous.

Hush money-the money paid baby's
nurse. rr
In regard to the tax on whisky. that's
easily rectifed.
The best way to rise in a lady's estima-
ton is not by stares.
A Williamsburgh woman has an artifi-
cial jaw. Did she wear the other one out?
These stormy Sunday evenings are
weakening the coal bins of families with
interesting daughters.
Mrs Holmes, of Katie King infamy,
according to her own statement, is "cick
OF the hoal business.
Kalakaua is doubtless home ere this,
and getting. mixed up under the cross
questioning OF Mrs. Kalakaua.
Huldah B. Loud is a prominent Mas
sachusetts suffragist, and when she don't
shrek we suppose she talks like thunder.
When a Comstocker wants to dispar-
age another he says: "When you thor
oughly prospect him, you'll find no bo-
nanza in him" ...st
Some of the students at Eastern col
leges can board themselves for thirty-fve
cents per week, but they don't feel like
tearing around much.
Brother Hammond is familiarly ad-
dressed by the California miners as "Old
Pard,' and is in sore distress to learn,
what they mean by it.
Kentucky paper speaks of a man who
had narrow escape from a sun stroke,
he having stood only two feet from
man who was struck.
The song of the Washington youth-"I
want to be lobby man and in the lobby
stand, with brass upon my forehead and
greenbacks in my hand"
A Sunday-school boy complains of the
| dilatoriness of the officers of the school
in procuring Minister Schenck's new
work on Draw Poker" for the library.
We should dearly like to see the chap
who predicted this was going to be mild
winter, sitting on the fence in linen
duster, and listening to the mocking bird.
A Michigan man has hit upon happy
| expedient Tor getting rid of the rheuma-
tism. He crowded it down to his two
fingers, and then had them amputated.
! 1t is said that two Wabash avenue low
ers will sit up half the night with only
one chair in the room, but that is easily
explained to any one who has been there.
France out some more pancakesl'
warned William McDuff, as he sat at
table-in Kansas City: and as the waiter
wouldn't prance 'em Mr.. McDuff split his
ear with a bowie-knite.
| woman at Tiffin, Ohio, fell and broke
her arm, but she refused two offers of
| assistance because the men were stran-
gers to her and there was no one around
to introduce them.
-. Gray-Pack with my box five dozen
quills. There is nothing remarkable
about this sentence, only that it is nearly
as short as one can be constructed, and
yet contains the whole alphabet. sb
Vermont clergymen are never permit
ted to kiss the ladies they have just made
brides The dear creatures put up their
hands with the remark: There, thatll
do. I've seen you fellows aiore."
A Florida railroad made nineteen cents
clear last year. Now what kind of an
| institution is that? Why doesn't it get
into debt, like a state canal or state
prison, and be something or somebody?
Anything to beat Satan" was the le-
gend suggested to a Danbury politician
when asked to name something appro-
pirate as an inscription on a banner Tor a
Young Mems Christian Association.
Petersham has produced an auctioneer
who tells the truth. lie recently told
bidder: you've got good bargain on
that sleigh you bid off for s. 80. 1t is
just as good for the hens to roost on as
one that cost S60''
The Scientific American has found an
old lady who has not washed for fifty
years. She is SO dirty that death and the
devil keep at a respectful distance. Hen
ry Clay Dean Henry Clay Deanl We
have found your affinity.
''1f you men,, remarked a Washington
lady at a reception recently, would let
the womens dresses alone, there would
be much less foolishness and misery in
the world. " A painful silence followed,
and we suppose it proved the truth of
the remark.
George Bancroft's threat to write a
History of the Great Rebellion" in two
thousand volumes. as supplement to his
History of the United States" has con-
centrated public interest upon a para
graph stating that old paper dealers are
only paying two and a halt cents per
pound.
Woman does a great deal to discourage
lofty sentiments of patriotism When a
man iSdilHS over Tue udCk leuCe teilluH
II neighbor how he would shed his last
drop of blood for suffering Louisiana, it
disturbs him to have his wife yell from
the kitchen: Look here are you
coming with that bucket of water, or
shall come out and see to your
A fashionable author took a novel to
the Paris Francais for publication, and
was cordially received. Calling again,
his manuscript was coldly returned to
him The editor told him to look at
page 81, which he did. and found the fol.
lowing; Here he was seized with an ir-
resistibe tendency to slumber. Was it
surprising? He had perused two columns
OF the Francais."
A party of men animatedly engaged in
discussing politics before country store
attracted the attention of an aged agri-
culturist. There's somethin the matter
here. he observed to his wife, and,
drawing in his team, he lightly shouted
to u consumptive individual on the out
skirts, What's aiootT Twelve inch
es, was the sardonic reply. The aged
agriculturist swore some and drove on.
When we consider the prevalence of
the custom to dub everybody who went
to the wars with the title OF Captain, Col
onel, General, etc, there is a peculiar ap-
| which was introduced at meeting of
other day: ReSoLred That the President
| appoint a committee of one to inquire
into the matter of whether there were
/