The Lake County star. [volume] (Chase, Mich.) 1873-current, 1875-01-21
From the Xenia News.
NOT HARNESSED!


ny Col. Coates Kinney.
He is person of the name of Harness.
This Harness is John Harness and he
lives over about Bowersville. John is
a single Harness-to wit: he is widow
err.
But John wanted to become a double
Harness again. So he came to Xenia
counting. There was lady here by the
name of Mary Taylor. Mrs. Taylor is a
good looking, agreeable widow. John
courted Mary.
1t is not important to this case, only
the truth of history would seem incOm-
plete without it, that we should mention
the number of responsibilities to be in
volved i'm the success of this courtship.
Mr.. Harness has eight children, Mrs.
Taylor four: total twelve. A start in
the business of husbandry with
dozen children capital is no FOOLS start.
Mr.. Harness is no fool. So he did not
60 fooling round. He came directly up
to the scratch. He canvassed the situa-
ton with Mrs. Taylor, and closed by ask
ing her if she felt disposed to Harness
for life. Mary said she was slightly dis
posed.
Her four young Taylors were appro-
priated round among her friends in the
east, and would not be in the way of the
eight little Harnesses exclusive enjoy
ment of stepmother. John used
honeyed persuasions. He urged his
fond suit, and said:
"Wilt thou, Maryw And she wilted,
saying:
81 will, Harness, till death do us
part W--Or words to that effect.
So they fixed the glad calamity some
weeks ahead. But every time they met
and they now met oftentimes-they
fixed it earlier. If they had fixed the
last time Just one day before they did,
this notice would not have been writ
ten.
But we must not anticipate. The
wedding day was finally fixed for last
Wednesday. Harness deposited trifie
of currency in Judge Harper's Office and
received in exchange document by
which the State of Ohio S., greeting,
authorized this aforesaid John and Mary
to " trot in double Harness" ESQ to word
it) till death, divorce, or mutual disgust
should seperate them. This paper he
took to the Rev. d. Judson Starr, pastor
of our Trinity Church, and instructed
him how it was to be used and also
when.
He then gave the prospectively Har-
messed widow Taylor tokens of his affec-
ton. He bought her bonnet at Days
cost So. He made her Christmas
gift of 81.
Afterwards he went home. He was
happy. His eight little Harnesses were
happy. There was coming wife and
stepmother. He killed the fattcd calf,
figuratively speaking. There was wild
fury of preparation. There was enor.-
nous cooking, The neighbors all around
were furnished with the full particulars,
and the old women gossipped about and
rolled it under their tongues till they
couldn't sleep. The young women con-
templated it as very fat thing, and the
young men prepared COW bells, rams
hornes, and such, intending to make
Harness wish he had never been born, to
say nothing of being married.
Meantime Mrs. Taylor, who had all
along been an acceptable guest in a GER
tain Xenia household at moderate
weekly stipend and her board, was OBJ
served to be in most hilarious process
of preparation. She appeared to face
the prospect of being Harnessed to a
husband and eight children with seren-
ity as beautiful to behold as summer
sunshine on still waters by green pas
lures. Not wave of trouble rolled
across her peaceful breast. Her soul
went hOneying on toward the ap'
preaching honeymoon with a sweetness
that made the kitchen-work move along
like music. In point of fact, call went
merry as marriage bell"
But a cloud arose on Tuesday morning,
at first not bigger than mans hand ;
but before evening it darkened the
kitchen, and threw its gloom into the
front part of the house, and finally broke
in tears. She could not contain the
secret any longer. She had that morn
ing received letter from an old lover,
long given up for hopeless, now in Hi
nois, inclosing railroad pass, and telling
her to come forthwith to his yearning
bosom and be his own dear Mary incess.
antly thereafter.
Mrs. Taylor cried and asked advice,
and then cried. 1t was not a case for
advice, however. So, all at once, she
made up her own mind. She wiped her
tears away and smiled in u loud voice,
She decidedly said that she would not
marry John Harness. She would not
be stepmother to eight small Harnesses.
Mary declared that she would not throw
herself away in that manner, not if she
knew herself And she remarked that
she rather suspected that she did
know herself.
Shs made this last remark as if she
meant it for joke, but she didn't
She was in dead earnest. For by the
next mornings (Wednesday's) train, she
resolutely and emphatically passed away
on her railroad pass, and was seen here
no more.
About noon wednesday, John Har
ness came pancing into Xenia. John
was dressed within an eighth of an inch
of his life. He had on store clothes
perfumed with peppermint. His face
shone rs if he wanted to be an angel
His plug hat looked inspired. His hair
was creased down 80 close that he could
hardly get his feet from the ground
John Harness soul just went waltzine
| on.
All! cruel fate But let us not antici
pate, as before said. Mr.. Harness ap
preached the sacred abode of his adored
one. He rang. He was smiledinto the par
lor with murderous politeness. He was
seated with manslaughterous courtesy
He was told that it was fine day with
bloodthirsty affability. With fiendisl
gentility he was permitted to ask for hi
spouse. With assassinating blandnesl
he was informed of her sudden absquatul
alton. Then the Harness broke. III,
did not weep. This kind of thing wa
some thirty feet too deep tor tears. H'
just merely said, at first, "M-hm +! m-hm
m-hm !"
Then he sat still, and looked as If III
was interviewing his secret soul. Al
length he remarked: "M'hm well, i
she is that kind of a woman / don't wan
her. Left this morning, did she ? M-hm
Cost me some money though. Had three
women cooking for week. Big supper