The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-01-22
Charge Of a Detroit Judge.
A NEW YEARS CALLER.

John Robinson made New Years
calls. He called on a saloon keeper, he
called for liquor, called the liquor good,
and drank enough to trip him up. Then
he called for police, and when the police
came he called them liars and such.
''I was having little fun," he ex-
planned, winking at his honor.
John Robinson, are you aware that
this is very solemn world" said the
court, ga world which has ten heart
aches to one smile? Don't you know
that the grim shadow of grief rests
upon every doorstep, and that the tomb
stones in the cemeteries almost outnum-
Der the trees iu the forest? There's
wailing in every household, John Rob
inson-there's grief in every heart.
And yet you claim that you were only
having little fun %
"That's ell, your honor-it was a
holiday"
cit was sad fun, John Robinson.
While all the rest of us were swearing
off and making double-back-action re-
solves while you were lying at the cor
ner of an alley dead drunk. 1t is five
dollars or sixty days, sir, and if this
case was before Chicago police judge
he'd make it five hundred dollars or a
life sentence"
soNIE FIGURING.
cts the last time !" exclaimed An
thony Hook as he was brought out.
"You've decided to quit, eh?"
eyes, your honor-yesterday was my
last drunk. I've been counting up the
cost, and I've made up my mind to live
sober and save money after this"
"Anthony Hook, you talk like a man.
Tt does me good to hear a man speak up
that way in this day and age. It's like
finding a ten-dollar bill while one is
paving over the clothes basket to dis
cover where the hired girl flung his
Sunday boots. Stand right up to your
resolution, sir. I've been figuring a
little, and / find that If a man will stop
drinking liquor, tea and coffee, go bare
footed, steal his wood, get trusted for
his provisions, cheat the landlord out of
his rent, stand up in church to save
pew-rent and live economically in other
respects, he can save at least $500 per
year. Now then, $500 per year for 400
years is 100000. Just think of that
Without any effort to speak of you can
in time be worth 100000. You may
go home, sir !"
FIRST JOKE.
Elizabeth Mcnamara, q woman fifty
years old, got off the first joke of the
season when she walked out and an
nounced that it was her first appearance
here. Biiah laughed until his spec
tacles fell of, the clerk grinned like a
copper mine, and his honor stopped
pairing his apple, stuck his knife into
the desk, and replied:
FIRST JOKE.
elizabeth Mcnamara, the sight of
that ere front door is not more familiar
to me than the fact that you have been
here somewhere in the region of forty
times. What's the charge, this time ?"
"Taken a drap-a bit of a little
small drap."
GIVE let you of, sent you up, ex-
postulated, pleaded and threatened,
and yet you come back here" he said,
"I was thinking the other day that if l
ever peered over the desk at your
freckled nose again, and the charge |
was drunkenness, I'd Eave you sawed
in two with a cross cut saw and the
pieces split up for kindling-wood !"
Don't do it, sir-send me up again"
81 shall make it three months"
"I don't care-only don't saw me in
twicel" she gasped.
"Well," he said, after pondering |
over the case, we've been to SO ex
pense to get the saw, and Bijah has
anticipated great fun, but I'll see what
three months will do. Go back and sit
down on the stove-hearth until the Black
Maria goes up"
COULDN'T STAND 1T.
"This is Daniel Casey, said Bijah as
he handed out the last man, "and can
tell you why he was drunk"
"Well,"
"Casey wasn't sober !" continued
the old ianitor.
His honor regarded him for a long |
time without speaking, but finally said:
"The prisoner can go, and, Biiab, if
Won ever sit down on this court with /
another pun like that, and are acci-
dently shot next day, your friends
mustn't ask me for money to help buy a