The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-12-22
CLIPPINGS.

Arkansas newspaper correspondents in
the Legislature make assertions and back
'em up by saying ''1've got six bullets
which says it's 500
That farmer understood human nature
who said: eff you want to keep your boy
at home don't bear too hard on the grind.
stone when he turns the crank"
Child ''Does the Lord take the papers?'
Mother Ono my child; why do you ask?''
Child ''Oh l thought he didn't, it takes
our minister so long to tell him about
things!''
There is none of Gods creatures for
whom the recording angel reserves larger
wrestle with the average clearinghouse
sirloin.
The world would be sandy desert of
consequences if women were not privi-
legged to attend auction sales and pay
more for an old bureau than new cham
Der set would cost.
A Pittsburg woman says that one
Thousand reporters souls could dance on
the point Of needle. The question of the
size of angels. souls was frequently dis.
cussed by the medieval monks.
A colored gentleman went to consult
one of the most high toned lawyers in
Boston, and after stating his case said
"Now l knows you's lawyer; but I wish
you would please sar, jiss tell me the
truf bout dat matter.
A widow, being cautioned by her min
lister about flirting, said she knew it was
wrong for maidens and wives to flirt, bu:
the Bible was her authority. 1t said
widows mite.' She was flirting awfully
| at last accounts.
A lady, whose family was very much
in the habit of proposing conundrums.
was one evening asked by her husband, in
an excited tone: ''why are all these doors
left open!'' Il give it up,'' instantly an.
swered the lady.
A Dubuque youngstcr, learning that
tanning could be used to make the skin
tough in exposed places that chatting and
blisteri1g would not occur, acted accor
dinghy; and now any amount of the pater.
nal hand and single has no terrors for
him.
Pshaw! It's easy enough to put up
stove-pipe. All you have got to do is to nut
ON your kid gloves, take up your cane.
and leave word at the timers, and when
he gets ready. and can't think of any
other job and dosent want to 20 fishing,
he will put your stove up.
| An honest old gentleman from rural
county, who came down to New York to
spend the sabbath with friends, was asked
by one of them what the people up his
way thought of the Beecher scandle. He
replied that he never tried it and diden',
know any thing about it, that he and all
his neighbors burned kerosene.
A little girl was once asking her eide,
sister about heaven. ''Do they play in
heaven?" she inquired, ''No; they do not
play there.'' ''What do they do q
''TEey sing and are good" 'sAre there ne
toys there!" ''No not any, No dolls, no,
balls, nor Noah's arks!' ''Oh no!'' 'sTher
I shall take my dolly and go to hell.''
The charge that Botkin, of the Milwau
kee Sentinel, has to pull on his undershir
from below on account of the size of hi
ears, is a base invention. We have know,
Bot: over twenty-ore years, have slep
with him great many times and we k nov
that his ears are flexible. In cold wea
Their we used to use the off one for an ex
ira quilt
Scest thou much snow left on the FLAG
ging; verify it is in front of the house o
the slothful man. He stitch by the fir
to keep himself warm, neither will h
,, part for a scuttle of coal. When tn
housewife crieth aloud for pail of waite,
he hath not his boots on. In the da
5 when the storm falleth he secludeth him
!? self; he saith to the snow shovel, 'sHs
! ha. Let us rest in peace.' So his side
walk is an an abomination in the eyes {
8 the people and his name is in every man