Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-03-03
Humorous.

IN box-the Beecher jury,
Hush money-the money paid
baby's nurse.
In regard to the tax on whisky that's
easily rectifed.
A WILLIAMsBURGH woman has an ar
tlfcial jaw. Did she wear the other
Ole out?
THESE stormy Sunday evenings are
weakening the coal bins of families with
interesting daughters.
Mrs HOLMES, of Katie King infamy,
according to her own statement is "cick
of the hoal business.
Now is the season when people sho Id
economic by burning almanacs instead
Of wood and coal. -Te3re -H0ute Ga
aette
ONE of the most interesting and hotly
contested law suits ever known i'll Mich
igan, arose from the fact that two wo-
men claimed the same waterfall.
''PRANCE out some more pancakesl"
warned William McDuf, as he sat at a
table Kansas City; and as the waiter
wouldn't prance'em Mr.. McDuff split
his ear with bowie-knife.
A SUNDAY SCHOOL boy complains Of
the dilatoriness of the officers of the
school in procuring Minister Schenck's
new work on "Draw Poker" for the IL
brary .-NOyr5stooOn Herald.
WE should dearly like to see tbs chap
who predicted that this vas going to be
warm winter, sitting on the fence in a
linen buster, and listening to the mock
IY,cr ;,,I ,LoY
A WOMAN at Tiffn, Ohio, fell and
broke her arm, but she refused two
offers of assistance because the men
were strangers to her and there was no
one around to Introduce them.-Er-
change.
-. Gray-Pack with my box five
dozen quilts" There is nothingremark-
able about this sentence, only that it is
nearly as short as one can be construct
ed and yet contains thewhole alphabet.
VERMONT clergymen are never per-
mitted to kiss the ladies they have just
made brides. The dear creatures put
out their hands with the remark: There,
that'll do. I've seen youfellows afore.'
Il THOUGHT twas queer he didn't hol-
Ter out the last time [ hit him. said
Mrs. Huse, of Alabama, to the jury who
we're irving her for the murder of her
husband,
A YOUNG woman at Youngstown,
Ohio, who has an imitation seal skin
cloak, is forced to tell an average OF
fifteen lies per day to make folks be-
Eeye 1t is real seal.-Det at Free
PreaS. -
A FLORIDA railroad made nineteen
cents clear last year. Now what kind Of
an institution is that Why doesn't it
get into debt, like a state canal or a
state prison, and be something or
somebody @a1s le
tsANYTHTNG to beat Satan" was the
legend suggested is Danbury polite
ian when asked to name something APP
propriate as an inscription on banner
for Young Mems Christian Associa-
ton. sas +. .-as. NJ r4al ...a, ~
PETERsHAM has produced an auction
eer who tells the truth. He recently
told a bidder. "Yon've got a good
bargain on that sleigh you bid off for
81. 80. 1t is just as good for the hens
to roost on as one that costs $50. ia
The Scientific American has found
an old lady who has not washed for =
fifty years: She is SO dirty that death
and the devil keep at respectable dis
lance. Henry Clay Dean Henry Clay
Dean ! We have found your affinity. }.
st. Louis Republican.
eff you men, y remarked Washing
ton lady at reception recently, ''would
let the woman's dresses alone, there
would be much less foolishness and
misery in the world" A painful
silence followed, and we suppose it
proved the truth of the remark.
GEORGE BANCRoFr's threat to write a
''History of the Great Rebellion" in
two thousand volumes, as a supple
ment to his 'History of the United
States" has concentrated public in
terest upon paragraph stating that old
paper dealers are only paying two and a
half cents per pound.-BrOokIyn Ar
gus.
THAT cooper was most unfortunate,
though indefatigably Industrious. He
labored a whole summer III the repair
ing Of impossible casks and barrels,
with comparatively clear conscience,
but when old Dob1s fetched along q
bung-hole and requested him to put
puncheon to it, that cooper stepped
down and out.
A FASHIONABLE author took novel to
the Paris Francois for publication, and
was cordially received. Calling again,
bis manuscript was coldly returned to
him The editor told him to look at
page 81, which he did, and found the
following: ''Here he was seized with an
irresistible tendency to slumber. Was it
surprising? He had perused two col
umns of the Francois.
A PARTY of men intimately engaged
in discussing politics before a country
store attracted the attention of an aged
agriculturist. ''There's somthin' the
matter here, he observed to his wife;
:. ] IL