Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-12-02
WHOLE NO. 1907.
cOMIQuE.

The Mexican baby-eater seems
to have fully demonstrated the truth
of the saying, that tie child is fodder
to the man.
Distant relations-P People who
imagine they have claim to rob you
if you are rich, and to insult you il
you are poor.
An Indiana man picked up a
wild cat in his barn in place of an
Afghan. He detected the difference
in the millonth part of second.
An oil / lady in Detroit, hearing
that American Girl was dead, re.
marked "I've allus said that this
tight laoing would lay EN- out some
day"
Why was the cleansing of the
Augean stabels like piece of an
cient pottery ware? Because it was
an Aztec kind of job. Voice Of
the speaker checked with emotion.
When citizen of Rochester is
blown into the dreamy hereafter by
Kerosene lamp explosion, the gas
company officials grm!y remark i:
"Comes 'o-fghtin' agin honest mo-
nopoly."
"A certain New York dry-Coods
merchant, in want of boy, lately
displayed the following suggestive
notice "Boy wanted that has fully
rested himself and is not too intel
Iectusl."
"A lady put her watch under her
pillow the other night, but couldn't
keep it there because it disturbed her
sleep. And there, all the time. was
her ticking right unierneat her,
and she never thought of that at all.
81 gay, Sambo, whore did you
get de shirt studs ?" an de shop, to
be sure" yah, you just told me
you hadR't no money" Oats right"
How did you git EN- den ?" "Well,
| saw on card in de window, 'col.
lar studs, so | went in and coIared
'em"
A woman cured her husband of
staying ont late at night by going to
the door and whispering through the
keyhole: is that you Willie ?" Her
husbands mama is John, and he stops
home at night now, and sleeps
with one eye open and revolver
under his pillow.
The Yonkers Gazette wisely re-
marks "When you see a young
married man contemplating baby
carriages with calm and thoughtful
eye, yoW may reasonably infer that
the matrimonial sky is bright, serene,
and little sonny" But "you had
daughter" not to be too sure Of that.
An observont exchange says
"When man wants plug # to-
bacco, the grocery three-fourths of
mile off is only step: but if his wife
wants drink of cool water from a
neighbours well opposite, by some
mysterious agency that well becomes
removed more than half a mile
away"
The advantage of having dress
reformer for q wife: Time, mid
night scene, bedchamber; two pair
Of pants hanging over chair enter
bIoody-minded burglar; sees pants;
aha curses on 'em one man |
would carve, two | would not face p
Exit burglar in alarm. Burglar de-
ceived F.; only one man in bed other
pants belong to wife.
Some people are too trusting for
this world. At a recent trial, tho
prisoner entered plea of " Not gull
ty," when one Of the jurymen put on
his hat and started for the door. The
Judge Uaileu him baVn, anu InIUrH eu
him that he couldn't leave until the
case was tried. Tried p inquired
the juror, "why, he has acknow-
lodged that he is not guilty
1t was at Wicklffe's Stroud City
Hotel. A traveller came down stairs
before break fast, and asked for a
pitcher of water with which TO per-
form his additions, The landlord
looked at him and said, "See hyar,
stranger, we don't want none OF your
ouery airs around hyar Pitcher Of
water in a horn! thar's branch
down there behind the house; go
there and wash -