National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1875-05-14
THEM GOATS.
Their Capture and Return.


She was a true sprig of the Emerald Isle If not
lipeal descendant If Robert Emmett, and the
trouble was that the minions Of Col. Einstein had
invaded the sacred regions Of SUampoodle and
captured her goats.
"WelLn said the philosopher Of the health
office, in his kindest and most patronizing man
ner, ain what way can I serve your"
"WeIl you see, to be sure, docthur, the childers
opened the gate this mornin' and the nannies run
out, an as the hog-ketchers was just passin' BY
they caught the nannies sure, and come up to
see about gettin' 'em back. They told me you
"oh, Well, madam said the philosopher,
"such accidents are liable to happen in the best
regulated families, for, az the poet SAYS
For tits their nature to-
4" But think, madam, Of the great misfortune that
might have occurred and the damage that might
have resulted frem the running ct large Of these
goats had not their festivities been nipped in the
bud by our efficient pound men. Think how soon
they might have been trsSPassinE upon the lovely
lakes In that locality. But imagine them nib
bling at the delicious bananas, and sporting over
Board Of Public Works and General Babcock."
"But, docthur, be me soWl they wasn't inside
the Boundary they was on the tother side, and
"Ah, madam, 'tWere useless to tell me thusIy.
Commodore Eyghnstyne is too we'll versed in the
many complications Of his duties to have ever
made such mistake. Why, madam, he left the
tranquil walks Of private life at the earnest re-
quest Of many admiring. friends, for the especial
purpose Of running tins thing In the way 1t should
20. Admiral, you will please step forward and
explain to this sighted lady OF q benighted sec
ton that the goats Aforesaid were sporting upon
that ground which takes its name after the i'm
mortal man who will in all probability have q
monument in 1870"
General EynestYne came smilinEly::to the front
and explained TO the lady how, in view Of the
fact Of 4 fence extending along the boundary at
the vicinity named, It would have been an impos-
sibilIty for the festive goats, without having
taken previous lessons from Q circus manager, to
have made their way into the county.
"Och, it's lie, sure" madly exclaimed the
Emerald Islander; they're lot Of blackguards,
so they are, and ye are all lot Of thieves to-
gether, And"-
MADAM" graTeIy broke In the philosopher,
"you past the time Of life for using such Ian
guage in such q reckless manner. Now you live
near graveyard; de you never look ont upon
the white tsmbstones and think that at some
time you may eat too many green apples and be-
come like one Of those, and dest thou not then re-
feet upon the 6revity Of life and the folly Of
"tSch, you're an Old BLACKBOARD with the rest Of
'em, an If yen come out on the sidewalk I'll bate
the life out Of you, SO will, Moderated Biddy.
"Ah, madam, now comes back to me one thing
neglected in my youth. But tits toe late now.
failed to school myself In the manly art Of SELF
defen Sc, and must therefore deny myself the
pleasure Of accepting your invitation. But al
low r. to advise you, ere one Of the minions Of
the Richards family cometh this way, to meander
slowly through the shady precincts Of the Presi-
dents grounds perambulate slowly up New York
avenue to TWenty-third street, there pay over Q
tWo-dollar syndicate to the gentleman in charge,
and in true Scripture style your goats will return
unto you.