The New Orleans bulletin. [volume] (New Orleans [La.]) 1874-1876, 1875-10-10
MACHINE.MADE BABIES.

The manufacture of squalling machine
babies is, it appears, becoming quite a lively,
as it is novel industry. We extract the fol-
lowing from an exchanges answers to CORES.
pondents:
Q343.) MAcHNE-MADE BABIES We are
surprised that our subscriber does not be-
lieve in the reality Of the great invention
the patent sheetiron tom-cat-n otwithstand.
ing the details published by us, with test.
monials of Brigham Young, P. s. Gilmore,
E. Cady Stanton and Theodore Tilton. We
can assure our correspondent that the exist
fact; in proof we republish the following ad-
vertisement obtained from the London papers
=" artificial Babies for 1rauelers. tariff
of prices is as follows: Common travelling
infants, yielding intermittent cries of fear,
and capable of being put into the pocket-1O
shillings. Second class, crying not SO loudly,
but lamentably and unexpectedly 20 shll-
lings Third class, full squalers, with a very
piercing and aggravating voice OF five octaves
-e2. Fourth class, the same arranged as a
prompt repeater-e2 81. Fifth class, first
quality, capable of continued squalling-e3 -
The cause of the starting Of thus new branch
of industry is the we'll -kno wn popularity of the
compartment style of railway carriages in
GuSidAus IL WAlOh AuCu COulOXt uoUcuuS
upon selecting ones travelling companions.
Various devices have been resorted to to pre-
vent intruders, and where a party of tourists
can secure baby for company, they ale
generally avoided, and by means of the baby
have the compartment to themselves. Hence
the advertisement mentioned above. As soon
as strange party comes into their compart-
N snt, they set the machne-baby going, and
its squalls will soon drive the intruders out !;
then the baby is stopped by sticking peg
into the machinery, when it becomes as quiet
as the sweetest natural baby, with
the advantage that it can be set
going and stopped according to the
of the circumstance. which
can not be done SO well with a natural baby.
On the contrary the latter will usually squall
when we do not want it to, while the machine
baby always acts in conformity with the desire
Of the parents-we mean proprietors. The
machine babies and patent sheet-iron cats are
similar inventions; one for the exterminatit
Of such cats as by their nightly concerts rob
30 many unfortunate individuals of their
nights rest; the other sure protection against
intrusion. The babies have already done
good service in the United States, as may be
seen from the following testimonials:
To the Squalling Baby Manufacturing Company,
London. England:
Gents-I procured one of your lamentable
pocket infants, costing only twenty shillings,
and always carry it with me in my walks
through the Central Park; it is worth ten
times the money, as it never fails to secure
ne the desired isolation for my poetical medi-
,ations, causing the most intrusive indi-
7iduals to leave me as soon as start it.
WALT WHITMAN.
Sns-The first quality e3 baby, capable of
continual squalling, which you sent me, has
arrived in good condition, and gives perfect
use it when travelling incognito,
md as, thanks to its squalls, 1 am never
it perfectly protects me against
SUSAN b. ANTI )NY.
P. S.-We are informed that since the re-
,ent trial and condemnation of Col. Baker for
having insulted Miss Dickinson in one of the
Of an English railroad car, all
onely travelling English females have pro-
nded themselves with some kind of the ma
,hine. made baby for protection. We suppose
hat our English cousins, who persist in their
lristocratic but foolish compartment system
n railroad cars, see clearly that it Miss Dick
nson had been provided with such squalling
,aby, Col. Baker would never have entered
Ter compartment, and the danger been
wooded through which she SO heroically con-
lucted herself, while Col. Bakers disgrace
would not have followed. A ten-shilling
pocket baby would have prevented all this