Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-01-08

There has been a separation between an
uptown lover and his sweetheart. She
presented him with her photograph, which
he, on his Bonded knees, swore he would
always wear next to his heart. While
making his last Sunday evening call, he
pulled out his handkerchief from his back
pants pocket, when, 10! the photograph
a liar OF else his heart is not in the right
place.
Now.thatthe New York papers have got
through with the Shakespeare Bacon con-
we don't mind confessing that we wrote
those plays ourself, but we promise not to
do SO any more. Bacon wanted to write
'em, but when we asked him who was run
ming this Shakespeare business, he took the
hint and LELAND thus saved his Bacon
Bonner, of the New York "Ledger," is
responsible for much Of the prevailing dis
tress. For years young people have been
reading his delusive romances and his ad.
vice to marry young, and now there are
thousands of people with large families on
their hands and nothing to eat but New
York ''Ledgers."
The Brooklyn "Argus" remarks that
"there are those who may have noticed how
suddenly the truly considerate man will
leave church when he sees the plate COM
ing round, and walk home in a blindl 8
snow-storm, that he may yield the seat in
his carriage to some infrm sister,
The people of New Hampshire are not
proud, but seem perfectly willing to al
low the janitor Of the State-house to use
the basement Of that structure for a hen
merry, and he is accordingly doing u -four
ishing business in the poultry line.
Yesterday we overheard voter from
the rural districts say that he g had voted
every darned ticket except the constitu-
tional commandments, but he let them
alone as he never did know much about
commandments anyhow.
A New Hampshire family has used one
stovefor twenty-eight years, while Detroit
man has kicked three to pieces within
year. Some men, as soon us they get a lit
tie down-hearted, go for the cook stove
right away.
A Chicago alderman tried for three hours
to think of George Washington's last
name, but he couldn't do it. He said he
knew it was George, and that the man had
something to do with the Mexican war,
but he couldn't remember further.
A Georgia paper knows a man who went
all the way from Cassyille to Atlanta. On
his return he looked solemn with the
weight of garnered wisdom, and said: ssIi
the world is as big t'other way as it is that,
it's whopper'
Mr.. B. Young, Of Salt Lake City, is
nigh unto death. Mr.. Young is a married
man, and we have great deal of sympa--
thy for his wife, but not enough to go
around.
A Covington man died and they put him
on ice, but he awoke in the night and yell
ed out "Why don't you put some more
wood in that stove 20
1t must make man feel mean to pay an
old debt because he thinks ne is going to
die, and then have the doctor to pull him
through all right.
The highest prize in Chinese lottery
is Twenty-Five cents, but the swearing is
just as loud and deep as at Havana.
A Green Bay girl shook an old horse pis-
toi at her father until he came down with
$50 for new fur cloak,
"Halloo" bonnets probably derive their
name from the exclamation of husbands
when they see the BILL
The young King Of Bavaria threatens
to abdicate, but he'd better not. Still
ations are scarce now.
When you hear row lext door. it is a
sign the mother-in-law is paying visit to
the family.
A Green Bay woman who weighs $50
pounds, insists that she is somebody's 'dar-
Fing.'