Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-02-25
General Items.

General Items.
Telegraph wires have been objected to 8
because they interfere with the flying Of
kites.
A London journal recently announced
"a Sunday evening discourse for ad-
yanccd tinkers.' y
"GuiIty OF assault with intent to fright.
en-" is late Utah verdict.
? A young lady makes Shakespeare say:
IAN eye like mas, to threaten and com.
mand."
"That girl has metal in her." said her
father. She had just swallowed jews
harp.
A letter in the New York Tribune says:
'Papa has given US three cents day for
not sucking our thumbs. We send 81
for a child in Kansas
1t is breath thrown away to talk morali-
ty to d young man who has to stay home
from the party on account Of a boil on his
nose.
A man in New Jersey had not been to
church for twenty years. Last Sunday he
went, had his pocket picked Of $35, and
he is now pronounced leathen.
When Brown, the mind-reader, told .
Boston girl to place her mind on some
particular thing, she looked around f"r
an extension table.
A man in New Jersey, who had not
been inside 3 bar-room for twenty years,
has been in the States Prison for longer
time than that.
An Indianapolis woman has sued for
eat for her supper large loaf Of sour
bread she had set before him
J. Young Harry has just given ten thou
sand dolIa.s to cndow a theological pro-
fessorship in an Illinois University. What
has the OLD Harry to say to this?
Another Atlantic cable has gone to the
bottom Of the sea- Whales with rheuma-
lism in their knce;joints can now try the
boastcd benefits of electricity
Alarming news came from Salem, Ore
gon, where 4 debating society has "Re-
solved, That the public press Of the Uni
ted States is public nuisance, and ought
TO be abated.'
Colorado started a college few weeks
ago, and up to date its inmates consist Of
one woman, three Indians, a buffalo calf
and Professor Of Botany.
1t is Will, little-soulcd people as it is
with narrow-neckcd bottles-the less they
have in them the more noise. they make
in pouring it out
A little boy asked a lady who made her
teeth. My Creator" she replied. We'll"
said the youngstcr, the doctor made my
mas, and they beat your'n clean out Of
sight.
Respectable man-Dear me! I'm sorry
to see this, Muggles! l heard you'd left
off drinking!
Disreputablc Party-Sho l ave, shir-
hic-iesh 'ish very minute!
Lady Teacher-You must rccollcct that
all l am telling you happened one thou
sand eight hundred and seventy four years
ago.
Sally-Lor' Miss! How the time do
slip away!
I'D have you know, Mrs. Stocker, that
my uncle was (; bannister Of the law" "A
fig for your bannister!" rctorted Mrs.
S,ocker, turning up her nose; haven't I
go: cousin as is ii corridor in the navy 5"
Lady-"Beforc engage you l should
like to know what your religion is"
Cook-"Oh, ma'am! always feel it my
duty to be of the same religion as the
family I'm in."
Il can't say as he went to heayen," re-
marked Fort Scott citizen, of a dcccas-
cd townsman, "but he paid a bill of elev-
en- years standing only the day before he
died, and you can judge for yourself"
An editor says his attention was first
drawn to matrimony, by the skillful man.
ncr in which Il pretty girl handled q
broom. A brother editor says the man.
ncr in which his wife handles broom is
not SO pleasant.
Douglas Jerold says, in his "Hedgehog
Letters" that ''rcspectability is all very
well for folks who can have it for ready
money; but to be obliged to run in debt
for it is enough to break the heart Of an
angel"
Our diplomatic service is getting 'stin-
guishcd. In addition to Schenk's treatise
. on poker, we hear Of another Minister
who is preparing a work on three-card
monte, and of a Consul Genera! who is
, hard at work on a manuel of humble the
peg.
, THIS is the sort cf notice that an Oregon
lecturer gets from his village newspaper: :
3, "Col J0 Meek has shouldcrcd his jaw
? bone, and will tell the people more than
i they ever drcamt of about mining
Boston girl to her mother-"Gcd made
S me: Yes. And papa? Yes. And Aunt
Fannie? Certainly. And Cousin Frank
; lie oh, no, Cousin frankie caElc from
Philadelphia, said the little innocent.
l There is nothing half so Sad in life as
l the spectacle OF an auctioneer attempting
| to sell fifteen thousand dollars worth OF
G goods to an audience whose aggregate and
l tangible assets foot up thirty cents
4 Detroit editor has established bad
. precedent by marrying girl compositor.
y She will always know whether it is ncces-
d sary for him to stay down at the office till
y O'Clock in the morning to make up tho
FORMS"
i Now, then, said physician, cheerily
d to patient, you have got along ia: enough
Il to indulge in little animal food, and
No, I've suffered enough on your grue]
d and slops, and I'd starve sooner than be
n gin on hay and oats.
A little four-year-old created ripple 0
laughter by rem liking to the teacher o
her Sunday school class: Our dogs deat,