The Fremont weekly journal. [volume] (Fremont, Sandusky County, Ohio) 1867-1877, 1875-04-09
HUMOROUS.

n WING. 4. .
A child being asked what the thre
great feasta Of the Jews were, promptly
replied, breakfast, dinner and sup
peri"
"After all, says an old doctor, "there
are only two kinds of disease, the one
Of which you die, and the other OF which
you don't"
A man in Illinois broke into thehouse
of widow. She pitched him out of
doors. A striking evidence of the power
of the widows might,
A postal card picked up in the street
at Norwich, Conn, the other day, bore
this solemn appeal: ''Deer mary forluy
of God send me pare of pants"
Daniel Fender concluded letter, ask
ing Mary to be his, thus: 'And should
you say yes, dear Mary, will ever and
faithfully be your D. Fender" Daniel
thought that was neat, and so did Mary.
I Orc wants to know why Mr.. Wood
man did not spare that tree he used to
read so much about. The agricultural
editor of this paper answers that it was
because he hadn't tree to spare.
"Poor things" murmured Solomon
Burch of the State Journal. "Who2"
inquired the Deacon. ''Why, them
bally girls. They're SO fearfully dissi-
pated. They can't hold out very long.
They say they get on tightsevery blessed
night of the weekP' no t'ygt1
h A Kansas farmer purchased revolver
for his wife and insisted on target
practice, so that she could defend her
house in case of his absence. After the
bullet was dug out of his leg, and the
) Gov buried, he said he guessed she'd
better shoot with the ak.
, Mclean county Progreas: One day
, last week young girl, whose parents
reside in this county, swallowed four
percussion caps She really deserved
spanking, but her mother refrained for
? fear of an explosion. Cautious mother,
that.
A Western editor, noticing the pres
= ent of a silver cup to brother editor,
says; "He needs no cup; he can drink
j from any vessel that contains liquor,
whether the neck of a bottle, the mouth
of pickle jar, the spile Of keg, or the
5 bung of the barrel"
'rWashington, exclaimed a member
+, of Nashville debating club, in stento.
!, rian tones-"Washington was a great
man; his mind had powerful grasp o.
4 the future; if ever man was non compoi
: mentis, Washington was that man."
A farmer told his man to run into the
: pasture and catch an OK. 81 mean the
! off one; / will manage the other myself,
he said. The man ran on to do as he
. was hidden, but suddenly paused on the
+ way with the exclamation, "He is 8
!, reasonable fellow, anyhow. How am ]
II to know which is the orphan2"
}, They tried to scare man in Missouri
J. by threatening to tar and feather him
n but he replied: Come on with your ole
:, tar; I've been there six times and I've
got receipt for washing it off.
I, ''Rob," said Tom, "which is the mos
4 dangerous word to pronounce in thu
i English language9"
"Don't know" said Rob, "unless i'll
swearing word"
. "Poohl" said Tom, 'it's stumbled
because you are sure to get tumble be
tween the first and last letters.
i ''Hal hal" said Rob, "Now I've one
for you. found it one day in the pa
i per. Which is the longest word in the
English languagel"
. ''Valetudinarianism," said Ton
promptly.
IL "No, sir; it's smiles, because there's (
,s whole mile between the first and las
r letter.
"a 'Hol ho!" that's nothing. I know
: word that has over three miles betweel
a it's beginning and ending"
i ''What's that" asked Rob family.
. "Beleaguered," said Tom st. Mic
If olas.