Weekly Trinity journal., 1875-08-14
NUMBER 33.
DIDN'T MEAN TO INSULT
THE COURT.

Colonel 3augs is very bald, in order 10
induce his hair to grow again, ho is using
n very excellent article Of "hair vigor"
on his scalp. A week or two ago he was
summoned as u juryman upon n case in
the Circuit Court and on the day of trial,
Just before the hour Mt which the Court
met, he remembered that he had not mp
piled the Vigor TO his head that morning.
He had only few minutes to spare, but
he flew up stairs and into the dark closet,
where he kept the bottle, and poured
quantity Of fluid upon sponge, ho rubbed
his head onorgetically. by somc mishap
the Colonel got hold Of the wrong bottle,
and tho substance with which he inun-
dated his scalp was not Vigor, but tho
black varnish with which Mrs. Bangs
decorated her shoes. However, hangs
didn't perceive tho mistake, but dartod
down stairs, put ON his hat and walked OF
TO tho court room. IL was very cold
morning, and by tho time tho Colonel
reached his destination tho varnish was
as stitfas stone. lIo felt littlo uncom-
Portable about the head, and he endeavor-
cd TO remove his hat to discover the dini-
Guilty, but to his dismay it was immov-
able. 1t was glued inst to tho skin and
his efforts TO tako 1t of gave him trightful
pain.
just then he heard his namo called by
the crior, and ho had 10 40 into court 10
answer. lIc WAS wild with apprehension
OF coming trouble but he took his seat
in tho jury box aud determined to explain
tho situation to the court, at tho earliest
possible moment. As he sat there with
guilty feeling on his soul, II seemed To
him that high hat kept getting bigger and
bigger, until 1t appeared as largo to him
ms II medium sized shot tower. Thcn he
was conscious That tho lawyers were all
staring at him. Tho cork looked hard at
him aud screamed:
Hats of in court |" and the Colonel
grew crimson in tho lhco. Hats of :"
yelled tho clerk again, and tho Colonel
was about TO reply, when the judge camo
into court, aud his oyo resting on Bangs.
hc said:
"Persous in the court room must take
OF their hats"
Bangs -" May il please your Honor. j
kept my hat on because"
Judge" Wcll sir, you must takc IL
of now"
Bangs-" But say kept 1t ON becaus"
~
Judge --" We don't want any argu-
mont, sir. Tako your hat of, instantly"
bangs" But you don't lot mo"
Judge" Remove that hat, this mo-
mont, sir Arc you going To bnndy words
with mo, sirf Do you mean to proians
this sacred temple of Justice with untime-
ly lcvity Tnkc on your Int, sir, or |
will nno you for contempt. DO you hcar
me
bangs" Wcll it Is very hard that
can't say word in OK"
Judge (warmly) --"This Ia too much
This is Just little too much, Perhaps
you'd like to come up here on tho bench,
and run the court, aud sentence few
oonvicts2 You've got moro andacity
than II mule. Mr.. Clerk, dino that man
$50. Now, sir. remove your hat"
Bangs " Judge, this is rather rough
on mo-"
Judge (n furious ragc) r." Won't do
1t YETI Why, you impudeat scoundrcl I
I've notion 10. Mr.. Clerk, fine him
300 more. and Mr. Jonos, you 20 and
take that hat oil by force ("
Then the tipstnif approached BanEs,
who was by this time half crazy with
wrath, and hit his Int with his stick. II
didn't move. Then ho struck il again
! aud caved Ia the crown. but II still stuck
on Bangs head. Then ho picked np .
volume of Brown on Evidence" aud
smashed the crown IN ilnt. Then Bang.
spraDg at him, and shaking his list under
Jones nose, no Ahriokcd
"You mutton headed scullion I've
half notion to kill you ! II that jackass
on the bench had any sense he could see
that tho hat ia glued on lnst. ! can't take
II of IL wanted 10.
Then tho Judge removed the fines and
excused him and Bangs won't home. lie
slept In that hat for wcok, and even
whom II came of, tho top or his head was
M black aa II modification had set In
N. y. Wcckiy.