The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-01-08
Pifh and Point.

Pith and Point.
Coon bread is often much kneaded.
THERE are various stations in life,
but tho least desirable is a police-sta-
ton.
YOUNG ladies at needlework are not
always what they appear. They are
sometimes scanning.
WHAT is the difference between q
wise man and a sailor? One is a far.
seeing man and the other a sea-faring
man.
SOMEBODY advertises q preparation
for keeping lady's hands free from
chaps. A report that she has no money
would do the same thing.
LAST week st. Croix girl, in fit of
anger because she couldn't get her foot
into a small shoe, seized q carving
knife and cut off her little toe.
An Indiana Judge has decided that If
woman Will shorten pie-crust with
butter at SO cents per pound her hus-
band has good grounds for divorce.
An improvident Danbury youth en-.
tertains high appreciation for the
State prison, which he regards as 50 the
only place where fellow Is not dunned
for his board and washing every Satur-
day night"
FOND Wife: "John, dear. be sure
and don't waste your money on accident
insurance tickets" Husband (a com
mercial mani: "Why, my love?" Fond
Wife: Because you are never lucky
enough to be in a collision r.
A GENTLEMAN said to his gardener
George, the time will come when a
man will be able to carry the manure
for an acre of land in one of his waist
coat-pockets. To which the gardener
replied: ST believe it, sir but he will
be able to carry all the crop in the
other pocket"
An Irishman used to come home often
drunk, and once when he was watering
his horse his wife said to him, "Now,
Paddy, is not that haste an example to
ye? Don't you see he laves off when
he has enough, the craytherl he's the
most sensible baste of the two." "Oh,
it's very well to discoorse like that,
Biddy," cried Paddy, I" but if there was
another horse at the other side of the
trough to say, Here's your health, my
ould boy, would he stop till he drunk
the whole trough, think ye?''
A DETROIT woman called at one of the
book stores the other day, and said she
would like to take look at some
4" chro-moes, as she wanted to find
something to please Harvey, who had
worked on the farm all summer and
should be rewarded. ssAnything relg-
ious ?" asked the clerk, as he ran over
lot of such chromos and engravings.
Well, no, not exactly religious" she
answered. "Some of it might be SOL
emn-Eke, but down in the corner there
ought to be dog-fght, or man falling
off a barn, or sunthin' to kinder inter
est the young mind"
SANTA CLAUS PooR SPELL.
Word came from the country where Santa Claui
dWelis
That he was alarmingly ill;
And fears were expressed that he'd not be on hand
With presents the stockings to fill.
The children had fancied the precious old saint
Secure from all moral mishaps,
And they said it queer that at this time of
He should have such dreadful collapse.
" oh what shall we dot" cried the little ones an
Sc oh what shall we do ? for our pennies are few
And there isn't toy that is whole.
"I thought that hs'd bring wagon" said
al want q new dolly j" said Jane
" looked for sled this Christmas" said Fred;
And they all fen to crying again.
't It won't be like Christmas I'm certain of that
Said young Master Frank with pout;
8 And the bells viii ding-dong monotonous sons
II Santa Claus isn't about.
:" I guess" said mamma, "t that the giant Despai,
Came into castle to-day,
And filling with gloom every heart in this room,
Took all of our sunshine away.
Dear Santa Claus doesn't like children that pout
And make such a dismal ado:
Because he, alack! has pain in his back,
And feels much more wretched than you.
stA smile on the face will do Santa Claus good
And help him, I'm sure, to get well
And our hearts may keep time to musical chiInt
Though Santa Claus has a poor spell"