The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-04-01

- The tale-bearer and the tale-hearer should
be hanged up both together-the former by
the tongue, and the latter by the ear.
"Your son died rather suddenly, yester-
day, of throat disease" is what an Idaho sher-
iff wrote to fond mother in Indiana the other
day.
-"Why did you pass yesterday without
looking at me?" said beautiful woman to
Taleyrand. Because, madam, if had looked
I could not have passed"
-"Oh, I loved before" said Madison coun-
ty woman to her fourth husband, as she took a
handful of hair from his head because he OBJ
jected to hang out the weeks washing.
A Vermont schoolmaster says he never
felt unequal to any demand in the line of his
profession, except on one occasion, when far
mer brought his ffteen-year- daughter to
the school, and walking up to the masters
desk, said: '"Thats my youngest gal, and if
ever you catch her slidin' down hill with the
boys, 1 just want you to,bounce her."
"A Minnesota Judge, in pronouncing the
death sentence, tenderly observed: eff guilty,
you richly deserve the fate that awaits you; if
innocent, it will be a qualification for you to
feel that you were hanged without such crime
on your conscience; in either case you will be
delivered from world of care"
- -"Mother wants to know if you won't
please to lend her your preserving kettle
cause as how she wants to preserve?" "We
would with pleasure, boy, but the fact is, the
last time we lent it to your mother she preserv-
ed it so effectually that we have never seen it
SINCE" "Well you needn't be 80 sassy about
your old kettle, mother wouldn't have troubled
you agin, only we seed you have new one."
"A bashful young man recently called up
on some young lady friends and after spending
some time in conversation, rose to take his
leave. He was bowling himself toward the
door, the handle of which he seized, with his
face still to the company, and in another mo-
ment was gone and the door closed behind
him. Then to his horror, he discovered that
in his confusion he had shut himself up in a
china closet, while the uncomfortable laughter
of the ladies by no means tended to restore
his equanimity.
"A well-dressed man attracted considerable
attention the other day by sitting upon the edge
of the sidewalk for some time, with his head
beneath his hands, as if in deep meditation
At last a sympathetic stranger approached him
and said: Friend, you seem to be in trouble /;
can l assist you in any way? I" The man
sprang to his feet, and taking off his hat par
ted his hair carefully, and said: Stranger, do
you see that cut? My wife did it this morning
with fatron, and then sent me down to buy
her new bonnet. And I have been sitting
here for an hour trying to decide whether will
buy it or not and blame me, stranger, II l
haven't about decided to get it,"
- There is a man in Danbury, it is said,
who has never tasted an apple, or cider, the
smell being offensive to him. "And yet he is
son of ADAM" says witty contemporary,
"what pity Adam had not been son Of his !"
This reminds us of a good one of Gov. Vance.
General D., popular aud prominent poll
tician of this State who has weakness for a
"wee drap O. the crater" was boasting to the
Governor that he had never eaten an apple in
his life, said he: "Governor what a glorious
thing for the human race, if had been in the
Garden of Eden instead of Adam" "Not
much," said the Governor; "the only differ
ence, you would have stuck up little distillery
in one corner of the garden and gone to ma
kinn hrandYO ~