Smyrna times., 1875-09-08
Why He Didn't Marry.
BY MAX ADELER.

lour re not married | believe, MI
IIunks?"
No. I've been tolerably near it severa
times, but somehow | never got tbore
Something always happened to make m,
miss 1t. There was Hannah Perkins liyeC
over here at Hape's Corner. | was in low,
with that girl, and | would a. married her
But one night, while l was going to So,
her, she and her sister was in the parlor
ana after bit Hannah went up stairs for E
minute. | slipped behind the door when
heard her coming back SOS she'd think
ia gone, and then / was going to lump OUT
and surprise her. Presently she came in,
and, looking around and not seeing me. she
said to her sister:
SO he's gone, is he? Thank goodness
for that. don't know what he comes
fOoling around here for, anyway. I'd as
soon marry craven image as him."
At first l thought I'd stay behind the
door, the situation was so embarrassing
but concluded it was best to 20, so came
out and said good-evening, and quit.
That girl never loved me, know"
p" But 1t was different with Mary Parrott
She accepted me, and when went to 500
the old man about it, as soon as I'd trv to
introduce the subject he'd begin to talk
about politics. After a while I'd trv If
again, and he'd instantly switch off ON
the price of grain or the best way to curo
glandcrs in horses. I'd let him talk. and
when he'd get through I'd jam in a remark
SOS to lead up to the matter, but he'd let
on he didn't hear, and insist on giving his
views on womans rights and temperance
and such questions.
Finally got mad, and bolted it RIGHT
out that ! wanted to marry his daughter
and then he stood up and shook his fist
under my nose, and observed:
" I'll see you hanged frst!"
lie said also that if he caneht mo
coming around there again he'd blow mo
apart with a shotgun think old Parrott
must have had some prejudice against mo.
So staid away"
But the next time ! had better luck
1t was the Widder Miles. She said sbo
loved me. We had all the arranoomonts
made for the wedding, and we went 70 tho
church to get married. At the door she
stopped and said that she'd turned tho
matter carefully over in her mind and
although she was willing to be n sistcr 70
me, she had determined ncvor 10 ,,,o,.,,.
any man that hadn't a Roman nose Thon
we went home. a Roman nose. mind Won
Sacrificed me and broke her solemn vo,vc
because | hadn't a Roman nose! inst nc ;f
a mans nose has anything to do with tbo
emotion of an aifectionate heart. I'd
marry woman with a patent-lcather nose
that had to be blown with a bvdrouIc |
jack, if ! really loved her.
However, afterward when got onooood |
to Sally Bonns, wasn't sorry, for she and
got along first-ratc until few days before
the wedding, when happened to mention
that | was fond of toasted choose with
onions. That seemed to disgust her somc-
how' Tor she wrote me note next lav
saying that no man with noble soul could
want to fill his stomach with toasted choose
and onions, and consequently she wanted
to back out. When called to see bor 10
that her love was more to me
Ihah amy preparation of cheese, her brother
'lcked the dog on me, and | had 10 cot
over the fence suddenly. She subsequently
married man who kept brick.yard. and
hey have had twins twice. -
never seemed to have any luck court.
ing The last shy | made was round at
lhompson's. l appeared to get along
pretty well with Maria, but every NIGHT
when called they wanted me to helm the
hired man carry the piano up or down
STAIRS. 1t used to take the whole evening.
md then was so tired that wanted to 90
nome to bed. | rasseled with that niano
IN the stairs, | think, about fifteen times.
Ill at last it struck me as curious the
ickleness OF those Thompsons about that
musical instrument. began to have
uspleions. So one night when we had the
Machine up as far as the first landing. and
vas pretty near dead, l dropped my end. and
vent down to the parlor to ask what in the
hunder they meant by hustling the piano
Ibout The first thing | saw was Young
elbow with spectacles and weak ewes.
itting on the sofa with his arm aronnd
Maria. When they saw me they laughed.
Then | got mad and said wanted an
and the fellow in specks
picked up the poker and ordered me to
cave. He was engaged to her. He had
'een in there enjoying himself every night
While | was exercising with that piano.
hey were married in June.
III never fancied any woman since. | {
on't ever get a fair show, I'm still a
Rough, isn't it2 But luck's against G
ne. These women are so queer, l don't I
Understand them. But what puzzles
ne is how Brigham Young ever roped in
1rty of 'em. There must be something 6
orgeous about that man. He's got the b
mack oft. - But it beats me-"
Bow on tho fanoo ~ -. | y