The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1875-12-15
Variety.

A bad poliey-One that has run out.
signal Tor Bark-Pulling dogs tail.
Music Of the sphsres''-The clicking OF billiard
bale
Patrons Of neutrality-suspicious. with mArriAgeAble
dauehtsrf.
Ala spelling school in Indianapolis all the lawyers,
editors. elergylnen and teachers went down ipe-
oacuaua."
A fashion editor says 4" There is something very
pretty in ladies gloves this season !" which is n
hanisoEe compliment
rag dOesn't know Why the school ship should be
al the time anchor. II is apprentice ship it
ought 10 be bound out.
A man in the South recently ate for wager. a
pound Of sAwdast. This is a way of taking board
--Boston Adro-hser.
Here's encouragement for defeated spoilers. The
hrst man boWled out in a St. Louis match was e1-
Tioe President candidate. D. GratE Brown.
On the Cards."-silas Card was married the
ether day and his wedding notices werethe words
d" No CArds." But he doesn't know what may hap
pen.
George. dear. don't you think it is rather extra
uagaa, o. you 10 eat butter with thatdeoious jam p
No love seoaoHaieait Same piece of bread does for
both
Sir" said John Hvnry's wife, to a gentlemen
treading on her dress. you delaying the tran.
o. Madame said he. your conductor should pull
the belle"
When Connecticut deacon nudged n sOmnulent
rorshpper with the contribution box. the sleepy in
diriduAl Awoke partially, smiled, murmured, I
d0n't smoke ~ and dropped of again.
A botsl-keepsr at a station on the Central Pacific
Railroad Is said to call his guests to dinner by dis
ehHrging one barrel Of a dOuble-bArrelled gun. He
reserves the other barrel to collect with.
Thompson is not going to ask any more cOnun-
drums He recently asked bis wife the difference be-
tween hf head and hogs bead. and she said there
was none. He says that is not the right answer.
Jones says the talk about shortening the hours OF
labor Is all nonsense because if the hours short
ensd be would have to take more Of them to do his
work. lie doesn't want TO work more hours.
There Is barber down East who lAtbers his custo-
rners with guuno water. The consequence is that if
shaved ever closely they scurcey reach the end Of
the street until they ready for another scrape.
An up-country exchange located in the vicinity Of
sugar camp in alluding to the approach of
spring says Soon the dusky squaW will be seen
Frhining maple sugar through her winter stockings"
One for her Nob.-Young lady visitor" There,
there. don't cry like that, suppose you did fall
downstairs and hurt yourself. I shouldn't" Young
Geutlenan-''O oh. dessay not but amt got
vhinyon, like you {"
The editor Of the ALFRED BungtOWn Sentinel, de-
ucribing an opponent, whose person was extremely
sliu says, 81 will tell you what sir thatmAn don't
amount 70 a sum in arithmetic add him up, and
there's nothing to carry
A country parsOn in writing letter Of coincidence
20 the widow Of late member of the Legislature
SAYS cannot tell how panied was to hear that
your husband had gone to heaven. We bosom
friends, but We shall never meet again
On arriving at Calais. on her way to make the
grand tour an English lady surprised and some
wnat indignant At being termed for the first time in
her lie. "a foreigner" a. You mistake, madam
Esid she to the libeller with pque; it is you
Wbo are fOreigners. We are English.
whilst vas At K---a man killed a sick COW. in
whose stomach was found large brass pin. hair
pin. and quantity Of hooks and eyes. jury Of
the neichbor informally summoned for the occasion
returned an oral verdict that the unfortunate deceased
had swallowed milkmaid at some period Of her adult
life.
In Joe Davies country, woman committed sui
eide by hanging herself to 40 apple tree. At the
funeral, me- ghbOr uOticing the sad appearance Of
the husband. eonsoled him by saying that he had
met with = terrible loss Yes" said the husband.
hoaring sigh. " she must have kicked like thunder
TO shake Of SIX bushels of green apples that would
have been worth a dollar bushel when they got
ripe"
why. you rascal" said DR.. Radcliffe, the great
physician. to pariOr whS- dunned him, " do you
pretend to be paid for such piece Of work. Why,
you have spoiled my pavement. and then covered Il
over with earth % hide your bad work" Doctor"
said the psviur, mine s not the only bad work the
earth hides" You dog. yOu." said DR.. Radcliffe.
s'you are a Wit; you must be poor. Come in, and
you shall be paid
A competitive competition was lately held for the
purpose OF appointing ct persons to some Of the
Gorernmsni Offices in England. One Of the candi-
dates Inadvertently spelled the word Venice with two
n's. thus vsnuics. The examiner clever man, but
not always cer-ect speaker. sternly inquired. Do
you not know sir thai there s but one hen n Venice ~
s' Then eggs must be very scarce there" was the
ready reply. The candidate passed.