, 1875-10-17
HU1IOE.

HUMOE-
| very small man, wearing very largo Ulster,
is spoken Of by bis frionds As "plsying the role
| OF sore thumb"
Somebody stole i lot Of tarts from \ bakery IN
| Concord the other day: and NOW the baker 10
I lectnring on Lost Arts.
There is one Detroit man who doesn't nut On
| the gloses any moro for exercise. Tho DOCTOR
! are feeling the back Of his head in hopes to find
| his nose.
| Are these soaps al one seent2" inquired
| lady OF Juvenile salesman. '.No. ma'sm
they're ail ten cents" replied the innocent
| youngster.
Little Harry, years old, WAS called to ee<
! the now baby. After 3 moments contsmpla-
uon. lie turned to his e1pectant pspa with wa
didn't need that!''
"There, John" said an irate mother. that.
twice you've come home and forgotten that lard!"
''La, motheri" explained young dutiful, iii
Was so greasy that it slipped my mind"
Yes, the sad, wisherad leaves fall down as the
signing autumn gale sweeps through the branch.
es, and. il q fellow loses neckel in the door,
yard, the chances 4re two to one that he can't
hnd it.
g The fashion Of putting we1ss on tho sides
Of pants is revived" says q fashlon-exoh auRs;
and little Charley says he hopes the fashio.. Of
putting welts on the seats OF boys paats Mill
Soon so out.
'ra, said little Jimmie. " came very near
getting to the head Of my class to-day" "Haw
Is that. my son?" why. 3 big word came Ill
the way down to me, and, it only could have
spelled it. would have gone clear up.'
Customer Ito . mao-sslier of Psris>-"Ah!
shopkeeper running bis finger over the map)-
.' Moscow! MOSCOW! It does not aeem to ne
here. with sudden animationI All Mon
sleur {orGets that Moscow was burned.'
A reporter, being called to account for the
statement that certain meeting WAS = large
and respectable one. when only one other per-
son besides himself was present, insisted that
his Iaport waa literally true ''for. said he. Il
was large and the other man was respectable
Some Pulaski boys undertook to play baseball
in q field where q ram waa feeding. recently. He
bntted tho short-atop through q picaes-fence.
and forced all the rest to make home-rud- The
boy who was butted through the fence was tia
ooly one scored, and he carries tha score With
htna, but he cannot see it.
A shopkeeper purchased OF an hiah woman >
quantity OF b1tter, tho lumpa Of which, intend
ed for pounds. he weighed in the balance aud
found wanting. '.Suro. it's your own fault it
they are light, said BlddF, in reply to tho coua~
plants of the buyer tits your own fault, sir;
for wasn't it with pound OF Jour own soap
baught hers myself that I weighed them ~
The ahopkeener had nothing more to say On that
subject.
A man in Kilkenny, all alive and we'll, recently
saw statement Of his own death in newspaper.
He wrote to the editor: ''Sir: I notice. few
errors in the obituary OF myself which appeared
IN your paper Of Wednesday last was born tn
Dublin, not Cork, aud my retirement from bnsi-
mesa in 1860 WAS not owing to iil-health bnt to 3
little trouble hadiu connection with horse,
Tho cause Of my death vas not smallpox. PlsAse
make correction"
It is related OF Pa1isinn painter that.
having recently painted q portrait Of lady,
critlc, who had just dropped in to sse What Wat
going On in the studio. exclaimed: sit is yerJ
nicely painted; but why did you take such an
ugly models'' 1T is my mother." calmly ra-
times from critic, in great confusion. ''lou
arc right; ought to hase perceived it. sh&
RESEMBLES you completely"
\ gentleman, finding that the diminutiou ot
hls stack OF wood continued aft"r his Eres wert
out, lay avnSe one night in order to obtain. il
ro':jbe. sone c1ew to the mystery At m hon,
when ~ all honest folk should be in b"I," hr1r
ing IN operator at work in the yard, be cans
Is raiseu his chamber-window, aud saw ~ ;
nelghhor endeavoring to set u large log into III
whee]barroH- "Ion're 3 pretty fellow, "'*:
TIE s;, owner come here and % etesl ny x.ed
=" and suppose you would stay up there and see
me break my neck with lifting before you'd o6e1
to come and help me-"
4 nice little boy Of years Was taken very
sick while visiting schoolmats in upper town a
few days since, HIS friends mother found that
be required an eInetic. and prepared ona for
him. The lad was suffering terribly. but refused
10 take the dcss. saying that His mamma
would not like it If be did, - she Was homaopa-
thist, and d,d not allow him to take aitopathic
Medicine" The lady peEsisted, aad told him
;hat be might not get we'll II he did not tske is.
Finally the obstinate young man exclaimed
= Wolf. Ill take the amt, but I tall you one
:hlng-l won't yomit! 7"
4 farmer had some business to transact In the
'1errill Block the other dav, and on leaving the
'f6ce. be, by mistake, entered another, which
las no less than four doors opening into halls.
3e apoiogized and backed out, and the aext no
he man before him, the farmer backed out
gam, puzzled look on his face. Ha struck the
bird door, backed out, and when he entered the
ourth and still saw the sAme man sitting ut the
ame table, he hlurted out: 'Wau, blast my
uttonsf I'sa either fool or else you occupy
his whole block! "-Detroit Free Press.
A farmer living Just out or Vicksburg Was
eading in an agricultural paper the other day an
rticle headed '' Be Kind to Your Cow" He
'ens out to milk with heart full Of kindness,
I'D, a. he sat down, he whispered =" So, boas,
kaud around, good creature. hist little, there,
ou intelligent and kind-bearted old bossy.'
bout Two minutes after that, his wife heard
oor he called ont: ''Brine mo the AZ, Maria.
aud that shot quo; for I'll be-
n ~ fh;a ,7d hn1iinu NH all Hva