Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-11-01


The proudest people are invariably
those who have the least to be proud of.
A Milwaukee paper reports that
number Z hat will just fit a st. Louis
musquito bite.
A young woman who found herself at
Sandwich, ILL.,, without money, obtained
two dollars wherewith to proceed to
Chicago by pawning her glass eye.
A Detroit editor says that when a
Chicago woman goes out into the coun-
try and is chased by grasshopper, she
pulls off one Of her shoes and crawls
into it.
The New York World paragrapher
sighs "Oh, for plainly dressed wo-
man :" He should be around when a
confagration turns people out of doors
at midnight in a hurry.
An old edition of Morse geography
says: Albany has four hundred dwell
ling houses and twenty.four hundred in
habitants, all standing with their gable
enus 20 Ine street.
"I never sot my hand to writin' poet
ry till two years ago" said young ru-
ralist, fitting back in grocery chair;
"but the minute l took to going with
that johnson girl, gosh couldn't help
it."
when a man sits down." said an ell
oquent Buffalo counselor. in summing up
a case, Ito eat his dinner in the bosom
of his family" That's a curious
proceeding for full grown man." re-
marked his opponent.
And now it is alleged that there was
great corruption in the Boston postofice,
and one Flood is to be overhauled for it.
1t seems that no public building can be
constructed. even in the moral city of
Boston, without somebody making a big
steal out of it.
Stumbling into his room he sat down
on the edge of the bed and soliloquized
thus: Feet wet, tight boots, a sore on
one hand an felon on t'other, and no
bootjack in z house. Sings got to be
difrent. Either l must get married,
else get a bootjack whishall | do? ?''
The Mayor of Wilmington, North
Carolina, has hit upon a novel method
of ridding the city of thieves. He has
notified the police that if robberies, that
are of frequent occurrence there, are not
abated by the first of November he will
discharge every man on the force.
He had very promising boil between
the shoulder-blades. and his wife, who
was young and beautiful, and could play
on a harp, but hadn't nursed much in q
hospital, put a mustard plaster on it A
lawyer subsequently explained to hin
that they didn't grant divorces for such
cases in this State.
This is the neat little title which goes
before the name of the king of Burmah
"His great, glorious and most glorious
and most excellent majesty, who reign:
over the kingdoms of Thunaparanta and
Tampadida and all the umbrella. bearing
chiefs of the Eastern country, the kinl
of the rising sun, lord of the celestia
elephants, the great chief of righteous
ness, king of Burmah."
Who will say, after this, that the In
dians are not capable of civilization
They long ago learned to love whiskey
and now in the Black Hills negotiation
they have shown great capacity for spec
ulation and driving a good bargain
They only want three millions and
half year for an indefinite period, t
be cared for handsomely for all time
and TO have Nebraska moved Soutl
out of their way. There is great dea
Of human nature in the rcd man. afte
all. Portland Transcript.
One Of the cars of western boun
train contained. among other passenger
a clergyman and FIVE or six young raga
mullins, rascals who, to annoy the min
lister, kept scofing at religion and tellin
disagreeable stories. The good man er
dured it all. hearing everything xithou
answering, without being moved. Al
rived at his journeys end he got out
, and only remarked ave shall NEE
: again, my children" ''Why shall "
meet again" said the leader of the banC
because I'm prison chaplain" wa
the reply.
"Well, Father Brown. how did 20
: like my sermon yesterday q asked
! young preacher of pretty plain spoke
old fellow who attended his meeting
"Well, you see, parsOn," was the rePll
IL haven't fair chance at them Sc
mons of yourn. I'm an old man nov
and set. you know. putty well back b
the stove, and there's old Miss Smltl
, u Wilder Taft, m Mrs. Rylan's da
ters, aud Neddy Brit n all the rest Sc
!; ting in front of me. with their mouti
: wide open, swallerin' down all the be
2 of the sermon, and what gets down
!, me is putty poor stuff; some times 1t
4 as weak as dish water. must get
J. seat higher up TO you, parson. or contll