The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-10-23
VARIETY.

MUsIc-MAD.-The ArcddTGH says that the peo-
pie of Cincinnati have become music-mad since
the recent festival, that they propose changing
the name OF their city TO Sing -Sing-ati
MAKING MoNEY.-A young manufacturer of
our acquaintance is making money last on this
motto, parodied from 50 Poor Richard -: I" Early
to bed, and early to rise; never get tight, and
advertise ga, .-.,.-r.
Nor ENTIRELY USELESS All, yes; theWest is
not entirely useless in the vast economy of
ture' remarked q Bostonian. 4" 1t furnishes the
pork to favor our beans with, you know"
Then he resumed the study of his 50 Principal"
Born ELoPED-A man and his wife both eloped
from Kearney city, Nebraska, on the same night,
A short time ago, each leaving note for the other,
saying they had gone for good. % Two souls
with but single thought. etc. 4
Itisa remarkable instance of the compensation
of things, and how, as De Quincy said, slowly
ali things right themselves" =" that the lady who,
in this generation, attacked Byron's character
most unnecessarily, has just in her own family,
furnished Amerlca and Europe with one ot~the
most edifying scandals of modern times
wouLD CARRY IT ARorND.--" Maria - observed
Mr. Holcomb, as he was putting on his clothes,
there amt no patch on them breeches Jet,
90 1 can't fix it now, noway; I'm too basy.s
- Well give me the patch, then, an I'll carry it
around with me-" added Holcomb. 81 don't
want people to think that can't afford the CLOTH
SUsPrcrousLY.-=A country clergyman, just re-
covering from the effects of n severe boil on the
nose, stopped an unchin near Fort Green recently,
and asked him the way to the corner of Fulton
and Clinton streets The lad glanced at him
snsuEefously moment, and said: g Well, yer
needn't gothere, mister; there amt no grn-miii
on that corner"
No LoSGER.-The regatta excitement has left
its imprint on society at Saratoga. Young wo-
men no longer ask you for an arm 1t is, = Give
me your starboard oar, please" Instead OF
proposing a walk to and through the hotels, they
say, g Let us take pull around the hash-cribs.
In the evening, not waltz, but "doubIescull
race - is suggested. After gliding gracefully
Through figure two Of the Lancers, your part
ner in whisper requests you to make a spurt
at the finish young man making inquiries
about girl whose figure pleases him, does not
ask what she is worth, but IS WHAT'S her ton
age?''
An honest-Caeed stranger called on Justice
Potter the other day and inquired what his Hon
or's usual fee was for joining couple in the holy
bonds of wedlock.
The fee is two dollars IN case you come here, >
.s Iess see, unused the man as hs handed out
a roll of bills; 81 there's three dollars for bed
stead, eight dollars for secondhand stove, two
dollars for Dishes two dollars to run the house on,
and-and that's every blamed cent
$50 you are short " inquired the Justice.
There's the pile," replied the young man,
but I'll knock the two dollars off for the dishes
and give it to you, for I'm bound to be harnessed
co my girl this week if we have to bile sstaters
in the tea poti
And in less than an hour the two were made
one.
"Is you gwine down to dat meetin' at de
church to-night2' asked 81 when he met Pete at
the Kimball House corner.
What meetin' is datY' -
"Is dar some new-fangled kind o'pertracted
meetin' days gittin up 'round hyar?" asked
Pete.
"No you ignant nigger Dis hyar is meetn'
about selerbration of the Fo'th July Inde-
mancipashum Deelyrashum at Filimundelphy,
and dey calls it de cents -tenyal kase all de mig
gers isn't suspected to glib mOre'n ten cents tords
de ixpenses?'
"No, dis niggers amt gwine, kase dat's some
more ob dat tomfoolishness what swindles mig
ger on sibil rights and gifts 'um into desc hyar
misconceptions. I'd rudder spend MY dime for
prize box wild q tin brespin in it, 1 would ~
81 thought a minute and then said:
81 b'leeyes you's got me on de hip, Pete =,
and they both went their ways.
At last she completely cured him. For months
she had patiently endured the pangs so many
thousands Of young wives are compelled to suffer.
Almost every morning at breakfast the heartless
husband expressed the hope that he might live to
see the day when be should get such coffee as he
nsed to have at home, or such corn bread as his
mother was wont to make and bake. At dinner
the meat was overbaked in the range. To be
cure his mother used to roast the meat IN an
oldlashiond Datch oven, and the piece was always
done to a turn-the last turn of the revolving
spit Those days were forever gone. But he
might and ought to get such a green apple pie,
with new cheese as his mother used to give him.
, At length the long-suffering wife arose in her
wrath, upset the table, sending the dishes and
their contents crashing to the carpet, strlded
over to her astounded husband, gave him box
ON the ear which Knocked him of his chair, and
remarked, 3 There's clip over the head for you,
slssch - mother used to give you when you
was boy, gol dern yer" Thereafter, there was
domestic peace and quietness in that house,
with never even an allusion to the maternal
cookery and comforts Of the bygone days.