The state rights democrat. [volume] (Albany, Linn County, Oregon) 1865-1900, 1875-01-08

aff THE COMING WIFE.
How she Helps Her husband Under DIM
culties-Patience aud sunshine.
She is a little bit of a woman, all
patience and sunshine, and I'd spoil
the best silk hat that money could
buy for the privilege of lending her
my umbrella in rain Storm She's
married and she's got an old rhinoc-
eros of a husband. He makes it a
practice to come home tight at III
o'clock every other night, and has
for years, and he can't remember
that she ever gave him cross word
about it. When he falls into the
hall she is waiting to close the door
and help him back to the sitting
room, where d good FIRE awaits him.
She draws off his boots, unbuttoning
his collar, helps him off with his
coat, and all the time she is saying:
"Poor Henryl How sorry ] am
that you had this attack Of vertigol
/ am afraid that you will be found
dead by the roadside some night"
"Whazzer mean by verzhigo% he
growls; but she helps him off with
his vest, and pleasantly continues:
"I'm so glad you got home all
right. / hope the day will come
when you can pass more of your
time at home. It is dreadful how
your business drives you"
aWhaz bizshness-whaz yer talk
ing 'bout?" he replies.
"Poor one--how hot your head
isl' she continues, and presently he
breaks down and woeps and ex-
claims:
"Yez zur-ic's wearing
zelf out fhast's can-wishA was
deadP
Next morning she never refers to
the subject, but pleasantly inquiries
how he slept, and if his mind is
clear. His boots may be missing,
and he yells out:
"Whar'n thunder's my bootsP"
"Right here, my dear?" she re-
plies, and she hands them out, all
nicely blacked up.
If she wants dress, or hat, or
a cloak, and he yells out that house,
hold expenses are eating him up, she
never "sasses' him back, nor tells
him that she could have married a
Congressman, nor declares that she
will write to her mother and tell her
Just how it is.
"That's SO, my dear times are
hard" she says, and she gets up
Just us good dinner as if he had
left her fifty dollars.
He may come home tight at sup
per time, but she is not shocked.
She remarks that it is an unexpected
pleasure to have him home so early,
and she pretends not to notice his
stupid look. He sees three chairs
where there is but one, and in trying
to sit down he strikes the floor like
the fall of a derrick
"Whazzer jaw THAT chair way for2"
he yells, and she replies:
"It's that hole in the carpet
knew you would stumbled p and she
helps him up and brings him strong
cup of tea.
They do not keep a servant, and
when cold weather came she never
thought Of planking herself dewn
in chair opposite him and saying:
CHOW, then, you'll either get up and
light the fires or there won't be any
lighted-mark that, old baldheadP
No, she didn't resort to any such
baseand tyrannical measures. When
daylight comes she slips out Of bed,
makes two fires, warns his socks,
and then, bending over him, she
whispers: "Arise, darling, and
greet the festive mornP'
He's sick sometimes, and I've
known that woman 10 coax him for
two straight hours to take the doc
tors medicine, turn over his pillow
twenty-five times, keep a wet cloth
on his head, pare his corn down,
and then wish that she had qnail
to make him some soup. When he
gets into fight down town and
comes home with his ears bitten up
and his nose pointed to the northeast,
she inquiries how the horse happened
to run away with him, and she says
she is so thankful that he wasn't
killed. She has an excuse for any
thing, and she never admits that any
one but herself is to blame about
anything. Lor' bless her-I hope
she'll slip into heaven and never be
asked a question.