The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1875-02-25

when it has stone under it and you are
tempted to kick it,
If you will just take notice you will
find that a bald-headed man never raises
his hat to a lady.
A lad crawIed into sugar hogshead,
and his first exclamation was, ooh, for a
thousand tongues J"
An Irishman who was fettered to
another prisoner, said, "Beddd his fate
is linked to mine"
"The one thing needful for the perfect
enjoyment Of love is confidence" Same
with hash and sausages.
A book has been published called
''Half Hours with Insects" The author
was not regular boarder.
Josh Billings very truthfully says:
CA lazy man il wus than a dead one,
bekause he takes up more ROOM"
A child being asked what the three
great feasts of the Jews were, promptly
replied, Breakfast, dinner and supper.
A Frenchman intending to compliment
a young lady by calling her a gentle
lamb, said, "She is che mutton as is
small.
Nothing will sooner tempt bachelor
to abandon his resolution to marry than
to sleep in the adjoining room to couple
with a coliclly baby.
Nothing recalls to the mind of the mar
ried man the joys of his single life so
| wildly as to find that the baby has been
eating crackers in the bel.
A Fort Wayne bridegroom was so
| IL l. Al
just before the ceremony, eff bust out
a lafiin' you mustn't git mad, Mister"
A CORES ondent of a Northern paper
having described the Pearl as a ''sickIy
stream" the editor appended the remark
THAT'S so-it is confined to it's bed"
Always be good natured if you can
A few drops of oil will do more to facil-
itate the movement of the most stubborn
machinery than rivers of vinegar.
The Boston Courier teaches the world
how to spell wife with two letters-thus
yf-but old bachelors have always found
it easy to spell wife with one letter-let-
ter B.
People" says modern philosopher,
ego according to their brains; if these
lie in their heads, they study if in their
stomachs, they eat; if in their heels, the
dance"
doctor, what do you think is the
cause of the frequent rush of blood to
my head 2" OH it is nothing but an
effort of nature. Nature, you, know alb
hors vacuum"
A colored clergyman in Philadelph
recently gave notice as follows from the
pulpit There will be four days meet
ing every night this week except We'd
nesday afternoon"
Machinery has reached IA great state
of perfection. We saw some burnt peas
put into the hopper of a coffee mill,
recently, and in less than two minutes
they were occupying place in grocery
window, labeled, Fine Old Mocha"
One who makes human nature his
study, says that when girl takes a hand
kerchief, and, moistening it with her
lips, wipes black spot of young mans
nose, wedding between the parties is
/ inevitable
A very religious old lady being asked
her opinion of the organ of a church
| the first time she had ever heard one,
replied; 'It is pretty box of whistles,
but oh it's an awful way to spend the
Sabbath"
An innkeeper observed postilIion
with only one spur, and inquired the
reason. "Why, what would be the USE
of another ?" said the postilhon, eff one
side Of the horse goes, the other cannot
stand still"
An Indiana farmer needing a package
of screws, writes to his merchant in town:
Deer Sur-pleze cend by the Barar
(wOn) paXig of Scr0ughs, mejoum size.
all Sow Scheep Scrough driver, and
obleege, ETC."
Carl Pretzel says, 'sDer young man
vot did said der vorld't owed him some
lifin', vas ladely turned der door out on
akound he's landlady vas unwilling to
dock on her shoulder plade der indebt-
edness of der vorldt.
A gentleman having bought pair of
geese, asked the seller why he was so
unwilling TO dispose of one alone "Why. |
sir, said he, ''they have been constant |
companions five and twenty years, and |
had not the heart to part them
This may be personal, but it is the
way they put things out West. A ST.
Louis editor, in speaking of a brother
ink-slinger, says: ''He is young vet. |
but he can sit at his desk and brush the |
cobwebs from the ceiling with his ears"
According to Cincinnati paper, John
Thomas was recently sued by Hester
Prim for breach of promise. John
Thomas, come into c1urt!" shouted the
constable. ''John Thomas needn't come
in to court me any more" said Hester
primly.
Il think can suit you to a hair"
said a clearinghouse landlady TO a
bachelor applicant who had been stating
his requirements. stSuit me to a hair.
hope not; thst's what nv last
tried to, and gave me three
samples in the butter"
Nineteen years ago Tennessee father
refused to let his young daughter 90 to a
and she disappeared. The +,
other day she returned, lifted eleven
children out of the wagon, entered the
house, and took of her things as coolIy
IS if she had not been gone over a day.
81 am busy ploughing and cannot en-
ertain company" is the substance of
tote written by Maeoupin county. III ]
,irl to st. Louis exquisite who had met
Ter at fashionable party in the latter
ity, and wished to visit her at her home.
The glorious maiden Is graduate of an
Illinois seminary, and her father gave \
er an eighty acre farm, on condition q
hat she should help to work it herself,
'hich she does.