The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-07-03

er been explored, many contend that it il
nothing less than an entrance to the bot
tOmless pit.
The sinners aver that the devil Of Min
erstOwn IL the land agent (of Satan y and
must visit all parts Of the MinerstOwn es-
tate in order 10 keep il " order, 50 for
this reason it is not IN any manner q mat
ter of surprise to find the devil on any
part of the property, and by no means
strange to find him IcithiR the precincts Of
the much dreaded cavern. They allege it
Is his duty to search for the mineral wealth
of the estate by burrowing beneath the
surface.
But no matter whether the devil came
out of the cave, in question spontaneously,
or was belched through a crevise in the
earth forcibly, or was dropped out Of a
thunder clOud as a thunderbolt, it is an
undoubted fact that the parsonage alluded
to is in Minerstown. Sinners who now
look up to him with a kind of respectful
awe, state (the Minerstown sinners do not
swear) that he came the way Of all flesh
and will go the way of all flesh" and al
though he is known to be the chief of sin
ners in Minerstown and chief Of liars,
and the truth is not in him." they say
he is no devil.
1t is extremely doubtful whether ever
the case will be settled by saints and the
sinners, and the other people Of Miners
town who are neither saints nor sinners,
so that every one will be satisfied with the
decision.
All we need know that the person al
luded to when the title of devil is applied
to an individual Of Minerstown, is . bona
fde citizen and a notorious liar. As he
sleeps in his bed he tells lies in his dreams.
When he awakens and says his morning
prayers (whoever heard of devil saying
his morning prayers D he tbs lies in his
orisons. At his meals and between his
meals he gives you lies salted over with
jltSt enough Of truth to season them and
make them palatable, 50 that you can
swallow them as gospel. We're he not
able to do this etfectually, he would never
have merlted the honorable name he has
deservedly won as prince OF liars. Does
not Tennyson tell you that,
lie that is ali lie may be met with and fought out
right,
But lie that Is part Of truth harder matter 70
fight"
Meaning those salted lies Of our Miners
town devil. (Tennyson must have known
our devil personality. So you cannot con
tradict the lies Of the Minerstown devil
After being sworn in a Justice room or
court house, he tells those salted lies to
THE Judge and jury, and gets people into
Jail and into scrapes who never committed
crime.
m my humble opinion this parsonage is
no devil at all, only a human being born
of woman as the rest Of us is, and like a
great many others we meet with is in
clined in body and soul to perform devil
l lish offices He has christian name,
which is quoted from the scriptures IL is
Jacob. He has a surname which is in
herited from the Troubles Mr. Jacob
Trouble is a great parsonage in Miners
town. Heis the agent tor the Minerstown
estate He looks after the timber in the
woods, the tenants IN the houses and
makes himself generally useful II he
meets child with piece Of chip IN its
/ hand Mr.. Trouble gives that child an EN-
\ phatic hint, and that piece Of chip is
dropped as If II had suddenly acquired a
/ temperature of 900 Fahrenhiest.
/ In matters which are Of doubtful con
cern To him, Mr. Trouble NEEDLES. to his
own delight perhaps, but To the great dis
abstraction and inconvenience of his dearly
I beloved brethren. | say dearly beloved
brethren, when taking IT for granted on
my own responsibility that he is a human
being. and has clam on the human fra
ternity.
Ny claims on behalf Of Mr. Trouble are
based on good foundation, to-wit After
many days of WEAKNESS and depression he
was prostrated on a bed of sickness. Had
Mr. Trouble really been devil he would
not have sent for human doctor which
he was obliged to do reluctantly, though
it must be confessed, the human doctor
purged, and physicked, and poulticed, and
blistered, and bled, and cupped, and
shaved, until little Of Mr. Trouble was
left. One might have supposed that the
doctor was testing some new, pleasant pro
cess Of cremation. While reduced to this
plight the sinners came to groan over his
soul, desiring to have IL preserved and set
up IN high place Mr. Trouble was very
considerably modified at these attentions,
and cried amen But in the end Mr..
Trouble recovered to the delight Of his
friends, the sinners, and to the credit of
the doctor BY the exertions Of the sin
ners, was coverted has became a great
deacon amongst them. No wonder then
that with this new ally the sinner should
renewed their attack on the saints in
general, and Mr.. VIM. Grant in particular.
Now as it happened, Bill Grants estab-
lshment was on land leased for a short
time, from the Minerstown estate, and as
We have seen, Mr. Trouble had this estate
between his finger and thumb, so in a
manner had he, Mr.. VIM. Grant. The
result was that one fine morning William
Grant, Esquire, got short notice to leave
the lot Of ground he occupied. This nm.
suspected trump came out like flank move
ment and the staggered sinners But some
thing occurred which prevented the not,c,
from being noticed at all. What thi,
something was no one can really tell, but
this much had been ascertained That
Mr.. Trouble was served with the follow
ing brief and imperative order
Revoke, the order you sent to Bill
Grant, within three days from date, o.
the consequences shall fall on your owl
head. M. NJ NJ"
The three days passed and the orde
was not revoked, and the Consequences
were braved One week passed withou
events. Twelve days after ''date" tn,
human doctor was again in attendance a
the Trouble residence. This time Mr.
Trouble Jay in a very critical condition
which everybody understood as the resul
Of the consequences aforesaid. 1t would b,
very indelicate to tell in the plain trutl
way what was the matter with Mr. Trou
BILE The doctor did say twelve month
afterwards when he laughed heartily as h
told it that some one must have tried al
old remedy for tooth-ache on Mr.. Trouble
person and teeth because Judging iron
certain appearances he must have beer
set on brisk fire and held there until
pint of water had boiled in his mouth.
If there ia any truth IN, this suppositiol