The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-01-01
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

All /! "Consul Mullet." How would that
sound Com. Adpt.
Foodinarian suits us better than Victual-
ist.-Danbury Neus.
They define the policy Of Hon. Morrissey
as long pool, strong pool and a pool al
together.-N. 0. Republican.
The government of Saxony has forbidden
the practice of cremation in Dresden. The
government of Saxony is an ass.-St. Louis
Journal. ..
Artificial butter-making has never proved
success. The difficulty lies in putting in
the hairs so that they look natural.-Ierre
Haute Gazette. ..-....
A Shawmut avenue grocery store is orna-
mented by a new placard which reads
ssMy Back is Up! Fresh milk only six
cents quart ''-Bostoa Globe. -.e.
Terre Haute Gazette The proyerbial
faith Of Abraham now pales before the
trusting confidence of the man who eats
chestnuts in the dark. r. t.0,-. ".
An appropriate play for those actors and
actless who give annual farewell" per-
formances-'tM Much Adieu About N Nothing."
-Norristown Herald .+.
One of the meanest things Tennessee
man can do is to blow out his brains at a
dance and muss the ballroom floor up so
that further dancing is prevented.-Detroit
Press. - e-.,I... ...
They talk about the reckless extravaganza
of the American people, and yet Bangor
man worked all day to clean three-cent
stamp SO that he could use it again.-Es
change.
A Minnesota man has discovered terri
BILE explosive material, even more destruct-
i've than nitro-glycerine, dualin, or giant
powder. He thinks of calling it Mullett-
ine.-Com. Adgt.
Marble men now make small tom5stones
by the quantity, with the epitaph already
cut s'Didn't know it was loaded" They
leave blank for the name and age.-CM-
cago Times.
1t is stated, upon good authority, that
Colonel Mcclure is the best poker-player in
Pennsylvania He made mistake, how
ever, in not holding flush against Forney's
three aces.-Argus.
The monogram garter" question still
holds sovereign sway over the minds of
Western editors. It's one of those ques-
tions which when once stuck firmly in the
human intellect nothing but Death can pry
out.-Aryus.
An experienced teacher says that it is
impossible for Sunday school scholar, with
a boil, to satisfactorily fasten his mind
down even upon the simplest exposition of
the scheme Of salvation.-Argus. s=- 1.#
The inventor of the ten barrelled Slot
gun lives in Iowa, and is still a poor man.
How capricious is fortune! Belknap never
invented SO much as a corn-popper,a and yet
he is Secretary of War.-Argas. 4. ' II. -1
People who saw him jump up and down
and heard him swear thought him crazy,
but he wasn't. He had merely delivered
fifteen cords of wood at the wrong place.
Detroit Free Press.
A Massachusetts paper says that Govern
or elect CASTOR is one of the solid men, be-
cause it only takes half of him to make a.
ton. But even that don't amount to any
thing so long as the other half is simply
Gas-.-Spectator.
We do not know much about the thick
ness of corn husks, but from the way Orisk-
any boys hold their girls shawls on with
both arms, we incline to the opinion that
this may be hard winter yet.-Rome Sen
tiael. s.s=.u uI
Norristown Herald: The poet who sent
an effusion, entitled Nothing but Flow
ers, to a paper for publication, is on the
ragged edge of modification The poem
appeared as Nothing but Fleas.'' When
the compositor was reasoned with, he said
he thought there ought to be something
'liyely' abont the poem. -......-
Rev. Glendenning's defense is that the
woman ran after him and showed him too
much partiality. This tendency on the part
of the woman to show partiality for the
pastor, is one Of the reasons why VIC have
steadily declined becoming a preacher
Nal. Sen. e.. e.~ ..-,= =gss-s-sg 4..f 9ft