The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-11-27
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
The most mOmentOus question n woman is ever
called upon to decide is whether the faults of the
man she loves will drag her down, or whether she
is competent to be his earthly redeemer.
There was place set apart in heaven for good
wives who could Judge wicked thing as harshly
when man did it when woman did it, But
1t has never been occupied, L believe.-Chee Foo
Ism.
VINO OWED Hm.-A St, Louis dog goes about
the streets gathering cigar stumps, which it car
ries home to his master. Ii was poor editor
who owned this specimen OF cigarcity.
EVERYBODY Has How are We, Smith?' saws
Jones. Smith pretends not to know him, and an
sWered rather hesitatingly, Sir you have the ad-
vantage of me-" Yes, suppose So Every
body has that's got common sense
Nor SICKEY.-A purchaser of river side pro-
perty asked the agent if the river didn't sometimes
overflow its banks. ''Well," responded he, sit
isn't one Of those sickly rivers that are ALWAYS
confined to their bed"
At recent Sunday School anniversary the
Superintendent presented memorial chromos and
notices to these who had lost friends during the
year. He did not use the word dead When the
services were over, his little " seven-year-od -
son said: " Papa, you ought to have given Mary
Baker motto" ''Why, my dear?,' '' Because
little Matte is always getting lost. Mary has to
run after her every day, and I'm sure she ought
to have chromo,'
INK-RED-IBLE.-In New York recently, Louisa
Heuser, a pretty girl of fourteen, attempted to
commit suicide by drinking quarter of pint of
red ink. This sounds Incredible, but it is true.
The physician did not order her to swallow sheet
of blOtting pad, because he did not think it would
be write
The ADYANTAGE-This is the way ST. Louis
Journal states it: :" The advantage of having q
dress-reforn woman for wife: Time, midnight;
scene, bed-chamber; two pairs of pants hang
ing over chair; enter bloody-minded burglar;
secs pants. AHA curses on 'em one man would
carve; tirO will not facet Exit burglar in alarm;
burglar deceived; only one man in bed; other
pants belong to the wife
An ExPLANATIoN.-IIe was a lodger in an un-
pretentous Brooklyn boarding house, and for sew
eral days the landlady's daughter, a sentimental
maiden of thirty-fYe, had teased him to write
something in her album. lie at last consented,
and penned the following: AS the hostility to
dogs diminishes the quality Of hash improves -
An explanation written in these words: Sc
never could make rhymes Miss Giles, and when
| write poetry have to express it in prose"
The D1FPERENcE.-A Massachusetts, poet points
out the difference in this style:
There a young of Lynn
She seems all iesh to lack,
And her bonnet seems stuck on pin.
says This is the fashion dote on
As balloons look as big,
1t is nothing to make public note on"
WHAT Is THE UsE.-An unobservant husband
accidentally offended his wife recently. When |
he sat down 70 supper he noticed that she looked
weary and he asked what she had been doing. |
She said she should think he could see. He said |
he couldn't. She said look Mt this room. lie |
said he couldn' t see the room looked any diff |
ferent than usual. Then the wife broke out in /
ha fahi
buried in her calico apron. The truth is that |
room had been throughly cleaned that afternoon |
the carpet taken up, shaken and put down /
again; all the paint washed, and all that, and |
that stupid man couldn't see the least change. !
What is the use of woman working herself to
death, any ho1?
A LADY LAwYER.-Mrs. j. Ellen Foster, of
Dubuaue Iowa, has been admitted to the practice
of law in the Supreme Court of the State, and
the Dubuque Herald says that on the occasion of
her first appearance in Court she wore a rich
black silk without ornamentation of furbelows,
oyerskrt or anything else upon the demi-train,
which was gracefully caught up en- pdaier.
plain black silk hat, enliVened with some bright
howers, a velvet saeque, with trimming of
gupure lace, and pink silk neck-tie completed
the Iady's costume. Her manner upon the plat
form was digni6ed easy, lady like, and the effects,
all in all, were rather pleasing
Yesterday young man with a wart on his nose
marked that he wanted some pictures taken.
s'WiIl you have it standing or bust?" queried
the artist.
Bustr' exclaimed the fellow, as he picked
nm his hat Sc Bust Mister, do look like a man
who would come into picture gallery to get on
a bust?'
They explained to him, and finally persuaded
him to sit long enough for negative. The pic
ture was a good one, and the nose stood out like
black cat in a bay window.
The fellow looked at it, and as he handed 1T
back said Shoot again, old pard, and see if you
can't make that wart look like piece of chewing
gum.'
Well, see here now, pard, he pleaded, my
names Truffles, and I'm engaged to n girl back
in Iniiana, and she wants my picture. She dom
know I've got this iEart; it's growed since left
there; and if yof.s could just rub it ont of the
nicture and NAL it look like something she
familiar with-.t!sliee Of bacon, for instance-l'd
feel hetfeE.i-zE1
--rrey n1ea-ff up for him, and when he went
out he chuckled.
That'u fetch her she II just naturally think
I'm floatin' round in solid comforts like bacon
and string beans and SIGH y