The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-02
CREAMOF OUR EXCHANGES.

only three pairs have madc their appearance on
our streets.-Lacon Journal.
How does the Journal man know to such a
delicate certainty?
Milwaukee paragraphist recently referred to
his fool luck. A single statement that the luck
was his would have been Observation-Disclosures
Heah,
Ard thus they went foot and foot together
Two soles with but single squeak,
Brogaus that clump as one.
A Boston paper, ignoring the confagraton OF
the Hub, malieiously suggests that, as the West
il termed the Switzerland of America Chicago
should be called the American Berne.'
Mr.. Styx says he sues MS for damage. We
think it will be a damage before he gets It,
Record
Helen NJ, Cooke writes that kisses on her
brow are the richest diadcm a woman's soul as.
pircs to- And yet fellow who kisses young
lady on her brow while her rosy lips are making
motions like patent clothcs-wrngcr is not The
man for the position.
The Kenkakec Gosettr thusy abuscth the elrls
of 4 rural city;
1t is currently reported that Gilman girls Eever
have cold feet. They simply wrap the urapery
Of their ears about them, and lie down te pleas
ant dreams
The average Gilman girl in times of frosty
weather coors her cars with various pigments
carefully adjusts them over her fair shoulders
pins them beneath her dimped chin, and at q
distance they pass for Paisley shswls.
Here is select poetry:
IN excitGhle youth in Nantucket
Once cooled his hot head in a backct;
He could not get out,
Sc still goes about
With his head in the pail Uhcre he stuck it,
ACQIiforna paper finds ore virtue in China.
men. Not one has yet been known to become a
life Insurance agent.
Sick people, as a rule, LIE to lie on the side
facing the light It's different, however, with a
man who comes home sick from the lodge.
He'd Just as lief shove his head into a coal scut.
tie as not
A BraidwOod boy defines natural philosophy
as a boy hoiIering wlryn his father mauls him.
Somebody has written book entitled what
Shall My Son Be" Upon which some one else
frankly replcs-'f the boy is as bad as the
book the chances are that he will he hanged
\ stranger opened the door of Western sa.'
loon and burst out singing,
My honrtS beyond the skies
He waited in sidled up to the bar, and az he
crooked his fingers for beer he continued:
I'm pilgrim-I'm n stranger
The bartender locked at him cOntemptucusly
and didn't place aqly foaming tankard before him
The stranger was rough and seedy, and the bar
tender wanted to zee his currency first.
am going home to die no more,
said the stranger as he crooked his finger again
and put on an eager look.
1T il better you don't make so much noise
replied the bartender, as he waited on another
customer.
There is happy land,
sang the stranger as he reached over and hit the
bartender an awful clip on the eye. Half doz.
en- men made Cor him at once, but he shed his
old coat, threw down his oat, and continued
While the lamp holds out TO burn. i
AT length when outsiders began TO shout for
the police, and the bartender was getting his re.
NOlyer down, the stranger backed out aud went
mp the street singing
can tsry, can larry but night,
and soon disappeared.
This is how Chicago runner Praises certain
m: There Is a Peoria hotel that strains its
soup through n stcp.ladder to those that eat at
the second table. Those that eat at the first can
manage TO ret the most of the hair out Of it
with horse rake.
Stcadiness OF nerve is illustrated by the case
OF the man who can sit and hold skciRs OF silk
for his wife FOR a couple of hours at time with
out moving his lcgs.-Eg.
Phaw! Your a stupid. The poor husband
doesn't exhibit nerve. He does ii because she
is boss and he dare not do otherwise.
An 0ttaws woman, poor creature, committed
suicide because her husband refused 10 kiss her
during whoie mouth. Joliet Stgna'. I
No, We eUese not. 1t wasn't her husband, it
was another fesier. 4tc has anew affinity now,
and that husband is $50 more bappy like q clam,
Eyeninjuns can play in the stock exchange at
Bulls and Bears thusy ,. \
The red mau 0! the Pacific slope has ma.l.hi
appearance as stock.specuator. Some, weeks
since a tall and stately pluto walked nlo a bank,
Ing Office al Austin, New, and, approaching the
desk on which the report OF the San Francesca
stock Board is kept, asking the clerk: How is
it this morning. Down. was the reply. Down I
sgainY exclaimed the savage, heap cussn I,
We are reliably Informed by lee dealers that 1
The crop will be almost entirely eaten up hv
the grasshoppcrs.- WILMINGTON idgo'otc. +.
The above wGrPs Cur crcdulitN To such an cE-
tent that we are inclined to suspect the ld,oocst.
l. wrcnching IT,
Il is q good thing 10 De above board, but gen
orally a bad thing to be ovcrbOard.-Er i
Yes, especially 10 1e overheard by lightning
rod men, and people richer than We are trying
70 wogne Us ont Of free puh of their business,
under he Pretence that il is news
The January Magazines.