The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-06-05

coop, she inNHHahlN mus ''' WINS nan VIZ Wv
head-and drops the hammer ana "ecPS'-N"'-
rStOlcb HcuiV.
Baptism ha; its styles as well the spring
bonnet, and the nobby thing nowadays is to
do it with tcpd water although we should think
that would make the converts luhe-warm.
Blegs asked Us seriously this morning, Don't
YOU really believe We bavc had worse weather
since they began t. be so almighty scientific
about it!'-BrooklgH Union.
Mohammcdans do not admit old maids to their
Paradise. They think it would be very unpleas
ant to have a lot ST skinny old angels IN srccta-
cles poking around for an opportunity to pick
up bits OF Celestial scandal
1t is terrible to think of the suffering the
great di5tillery raid must cause among thou
sands of Chicago families, who will be deprived
Of their supply of swectmlk for several days.
Hundreds of industrious and respectable cows
will be thrown out of lucrative employment
| Lucy Stone says she has wcpt for days and
! days over Mrs. Tiltons troubles Better be
mending Stones trouscrs.-Leiyot Free Press.
Such suggestions are brceches of pOlitcness.
! A Western man, reading of cricket club in a
New York paper, writes the editor to know if
| If Mrs Oates is correct her second husband
could be improved by having tar and gravel
roof put on him, but she may be bidscd.-Er
He used to get Titus a brick, but he don't feel
his oats as much as he did.
The author of when this old hat was new -
was unquest0nably verse-a-tilc genius.-N. !
Mail. The subject doubtless was iclt by the
poet Boston Bulletin. We think the poem was
j his browning triumph Detroit Free Press Yes
brim full OF wit and abandon.
This is the gentle reproof the Aurora AeIcs ad
ministers to an anonymous We believe he i.
a plain unvarni>hed liar, and the less he poke:
his nose into otder peoples business the better
ii will be for him.
With a vindcivc cruelty toward Il sister State
which is absolutely objectionable the Brooklyn
trips says: "Thcrc is not much grief when
fat man dies in Rhode Island as it gives the sur
yiyors much more room tostretch themselves.
New London (Ct,,) has an arstocratic pauper
He refused to work at six dollars per week, pre-
ferring to trust to charity for support. He
thrives on it apparently, as he purchased a pail
OF pumps to use at masquerade, and has since
purchased an slS bible
The New York Heraid calls the Brooklyn tria
the Trial OF Endurance We presume it mus,
be the jurys.
y A Chicago editor mentions the fact that Yves
ton, the pedestrian fraud, is again walking
against time, and cruelty cxcams; I" If he would
only walk up very hard againat barrel of nitro
glycerine"
One of the crew Of the ill.iated Schiller wGs
+, arrested in IIobokcn for being drunk, few days
before the vessel sailed and sent to Jail for five
days. His time expired the day after the Schi
Ter sailed, and he escaped the fate of most of hi.
companions.
Probably not ono person in ten who pays "a.
bills knows anything about his mcter.-ChtcdgC
Times.
y Ottawa boys all know their meter (meet-her)
, and generally do il by moonlight, sometimes al
the bridge, and sometimes at the eastern side OF
the spring park.
i II Tom Wolfe, Of the Bloomington Ippea', knew
how it hurt the feelings of our fair friends to
have him call us ian old scrub" just because
we spoke of the young ladies eating efffaas, hC
would die of remorsc Immediately after the cen
clusios of the Becchcr trial, However, We ara
prepared to take back the onion part of thu
I, statement as a dentist friend says the cause Of i
young lady's holding her fan against the corner
OF her mouth while talking to you, is bad teeth
There is considerable human nature in man,
and sometimes a little of it in woman. What.
the use of going out in this muddy weather.
asks husband of his wife, IN HGp,'S. And
: what" she returned, "iS the use OF having
striped stockings"
Just think of it! Greeiey's daughter has mar.
} ried staggering Kcntuclian, and the base
ment of the new Tribanc building is to be rented
for beer saloon.
:, As an evidence of the growing tendency OF
' the American mind toward things religious, il
| may be mentioned that next Fourth Of july will
be universally observed as day OF public wor-
ship.-CGHingiHe Democrat
Now is the time to subscribe for the Imperial
Chinese Encyclopedias. There will be one hun
drcd and sixty thousand volumes of it but you
can pay fifty cents week and not feel the ex
pcnse For further particulars, let an able
; bodied book agent see you for an hour and 6
half.
| Two more of Brigham Young's wives have
sued for divorce but what is the loss of two
wives wncn there are thirty-rour left to help gc
breakfast!
An Indianapolis young man and young wo
man got to hugging at the circus the othel
night The Ne'rs says "Oid cynics wiped then
glasses and thought of their youthful times hal
=. a century ago, while youngsters, blinded will
> envy and coyctousness, locked ON and graiet
:, their teeth
[ Mr.. Bcecher intends visiting the iioiy I.,nd in
t the fall, and the Arabs are polishing Up thc
shot guns aud conceatng their wives IN tn,
jungles of India
The Louisville toaricr.joa.nol needn't put or
airs and believe itself the owner Of all the cock
I reaches in the country. There's a gang o
t reaches up here which can lift door oil tn,
= hinges and carry it across the room.
c at is part of the vitality of nature we tast,
d and call ii maple ilayor," says one who hath tn,
friendship of the nymphs and the secret of tn,
= woodland.-EI.