Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-01-07
King OF the Sandwiches.

| DOoCd. AAaAANO. VI -
of the Sandwich Islands, put up a
the Arlington, and barring the awk
wardness of being mistaken for ;
head-waiter, passes to and fro like al
ordinary citizen of African or OtheI
descent.
The fact that he is at times mis-
taken for a head waiter must not mil
itate against him. Headwaiters al
fashionable hotels are, next to the
room-clerk, the more important peo
pie about a hotel-they are our true
aristocracy They, the head walters
are perfectly immense. Their man
ners are so lofty and their clothes SO
fine that more than ordinary men
feel depressed in their presence.
This sense of humiliation is so in
tense that no one but senator or a
Cabinet official can exist under it.
We know a modest sort Of man,
brainy withal-a sort of casualty in
the lower House-(his constituents
rectified their error the first opportu-
nifty who was forced to leave the
Arlington because of the swell in the
head walters, which the proprietor
encouraged by setting an example.
Our modest NJ. C. nearly ruined him
self by purchasing new clothes. He
at last, finding his health giving way,
stole out through the basement with
valise in hand, and prolonged his
wretched congressional existence in
a hasheesh house.
This is wandering from our sub
ject-the subject in this instance be
ing a king. We were saying that
King Kalico or Kill-a-cow must not
be discouraged in being mistaken for
somebody else. We are all liable to
this. The fact is, we never knew but
one man who was not liable to this.
This man is our Murat Halstead.
Nature has blessed our Murat with
such Il noble person, such a lofty
presence, such a-well, cOnfound it,
we don't know what a such a it is.
But it is impossible for any one pos
sessed of a grain of sense, common
or otherwise, to mistake our Murat
for anybody but Murat, and we can
add, although it has nothing to do
with the subject or king either, that
we never heard OF any one who
wished to be SO mistaken. Murat's
perfection is Il standing, walking and
sitting reproach to common people.
And there is so much of him. Now
perfect little man, one can put up
with, but when it comes to two hun
dred pounds of perfect adipose, going
about to and fro, as it were, insult
| ing everybody with his weakness, the
| thing gets BeyUnd human eIIduTHHCe.
Wen, as we were saying, many
great men and some good men have
been subject to this mistaken iden-
tity. There was Jeems Buchanan,
as Virginia fondly called him, who,
going to court entertainment with
out having a grape vine worked up
his back or bomb-shells on his coat
tail, which make Il diplomatic uni
form, but in silk stockings, white vest
and choker, with Il black swallow
tail, was mistaken for servant and
was told by bloated aristOcrat in
mutton chop whiskers to make him
self lively with an overcOat. This
nearly involved lis in Il war. The
Queen herself wrote an autograph
letter apolOgizing for the ill-man-
nered conduct of her subjects. And
Mr.. Buchannan's silk stockings and
coat-tails were recognized by Il salute
of thirty-two guns. This was done
at Dover, when Mr.. Buchanan stood
on the cliff while his secretary, Dan.
Sickles, waved the American flag over
his head.
We caa inform His Majesty King
Kalico or Kill-a-cow, if it is any com
fort for him to know the fact, that we
were once mistaken for porter. 1t
happened before the late war. We
found ourself in the depot at Phila
delphia, about midnight, waiting to
get our trunk, when we felt Ourself
poked in the back by a parasOl, and
turning, saw a fashionable lady, once
of our acquaintance, and before we
could give the bow of recognition she
said:
"My good man, can't you get me
my trunks|
This was startling. Here was a.
lady we had, when charge d'affaires
at Paris, assisted in presenting to His
Imperial Insignificance, Louis Napo
leon. We remembered, however, that
we were under a travelling cap and
any quantity of dust, and so we ac-
cepted the situation. We asked for
the checks, and seizing the trunks we
tumbled them about in the true bag
gage-smashing style. Each tumble
of box was accompanied by al
scream, that would have been an oath
in a man. After we had procured a
hack. and agreed, in the name of the
lady, to pay ten dollars for hauling
her home, and saw her seated i'll the
same. we touched our hat and said:
"Remember the porter, madam.
allow muchY'
''One dollar, madam.
"What, for breaking all my boxes?
1 won't give you cent"
Il never knew a lady give less than
dollar, madam"
"You are employed by the company,
aud you are very impertinent fel
low. There's fifty cents, and if |
knew your name I'd report you to the
company"
We accepted the fractional curren-
CIV, and diving in our clothes, gave
the irritable dame our card. We
heard subsequently at Newport that
this lady reported that we were so re-
duced in circumstances and so fallen,
through dissipated habits, that we
were employed as porter In the
Philadelphia depot.-Doan Ptaet.
~ -. o,xr oitV in the world