Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-02-05
WHOLE NO. 500.
Glcanings.

ance upon the Beecher trial.
Mayor Havemcyer leaves fortune Of
1000 600. Charity gets several tat slices
If maiden is not a pretty young girl
at sixteen, she will be a pretty old one at
sixty.
There is no law against butting ones
head against stone wall, but as rule
the remuneration is small.
An Irishman was challenged to fight a
duel but declined, saying, that he did not
wish to leave his auld mother an orphan.
1t is said that President Grant. spends
only So 600 of his $5O, ,0G0 annual salary
for personal and family expenses.
A little girl, sent out to hunt eggs, came
back unsuccessful, complaining that
''lots of hens were starding around doing
nothing"
A fellow was told, that three yards of
1 cloth upon being wet, would shrink
quarter of yard Well, then he inquil
ed, if you should get quarter of "a yard,
would there be any left?
The boys of Kansas City when they
I NdUl W tIlJoS iIlC pocti VI ihctioh Puo
on their skates and glide through the
streets attached to the tow-line of "A cows
tail. This is what they call learning
acoustics.
A Rhode Island railroad having been
sued for killing Henry Single proved that
he was too lazy to even hurrah for liberty
on the Fourth of July, and the widow re-
Cciycd only $500 damages where SIT, ,UC0
were claimed.
/ A wag said: When my wife was very
+ i'll, | called on an allopathic physician, she
got no better, then called homoeopath,
and she mended "A little. One day lie
broke his leg, and conldnt come at all,
and she got we'll
The editor of the South Bend, Ind,
Register has received Il whistle built from
pigs tail Another OF the same kind
has been formally presented to the Wis
consin State Historical Society, and is
preserved among its collections.
j Emotional insanity having been dis
covered as an excuse for murder the legal
I fraternity have discovered another men,
tai disorder TO palliate perjury. 1t is
/ called aphasis, or an inability to express
ideas in their own word-coloring.
/ How to look at it. An old bachelor
says, that giving the ballot to women
would not amount to anything practically,
because they would keep denying, that
/ they were old enough to vote, until they
j got too old to take any interest in politics.
The Newark woman who married four
/ husbands out of the same family explain
ed her conduct by saying that she was de-
+ ternincd to find out whether there was
IA man among them worth Il cent for any
] earthly purpose The fourth man is On
trial.
Prof. Wilder of Cornell University
devotes a quarter column in one OF the
journals to tell what people should do in
case of accident, when a half-dozen words
would do it. What to do in cases of ao-
cident is very simple. Send the particG-
lars to the papers
\ young married lady being applied to
for a situation by Il servant girl, she asked:
Why did you leave your last place.
Why you see ma am replied the girl,
Il was too good looking and when open
ed the door, the gentleman always took
me for the mlssus.
\ disciple of Darwin at the Sydenham
Crystal Palace writes: Yesterday |
passed an hour watching chimpanzee
nearly as large as a Child ten years old,
whom it so strongly rcsembled in its ac-
tions as to humiliate me by the incontes-
tible relationship
+ A COW in Michigan lost three inches
of her tongue in peculiar manner last
week She was hitched on Il barn floor
facing ii stall containing horse, and
while trying to lap salt through Il crack
in the manger, the horse caught her
tongue and bit it off.
The little son of a very prominent min
ister of this city, said to his father PA,
St Paul was Yankee How do you
know that, my son.n "Why, sir, in the
18th verse of the eighth chapter of Ro-
mans, he says: For ! reckon None
but Yankees say reckon
Lives there Il man with soul 50 dead
who to himself hath never said, I'll pay
before 20 to bed, the debt owe the
printer? Yes there are some we know full
well, and who they are our books will
F
well, the place where there's no winter
4 farmers daughter has just missed
being heroine. Seeing her fathers barn
on fire she got 4 pail of water ran toward
the blaze, and-fainted on the way. The
barn was destroyed, and her father, rating
her intentions by the low standard of her
failure, warmed her shoulders with
strap.
A pair of good-natured lrishmen, on
certain occasion occupied the same bed.
In the morning one of them inquired of
the other: Dennis, did you hear the thun-
der last night? No Pat, did it really thun-
der? Yes, it thundered as if heaven and
earth would come together. Why then,
didn't We wake me, for ye know can't
4 slapc when it thunders.
I A few days since a seedy person APP
piled to a wealthy citizen for help, and
received the small sum of five cents The
giver remarked as he handed him the pit
tance: Take it, you are welcome; our
ears are always open to the distressed
That may be-" replied the recipient,
but never before in my life have seen
so small an opening in such large ears"
4 man went into grocery store and
bought ten cents worth of crackers which
were tied up for him; afterwards chang
ing his mind said, he would take whiskey;
when about leaving, the groceryman said
he had not paid for his whlskey, the man
said that he had given him the crackers
for the whskey, but said the groceryman,
YOU did not pay for the crackers. Il
didn't take any crackers said the man.
Got any medicine asked Il boy, enter
ing Il drug the other day. YES, lots
of it. What do you wants" inquired the
clerk "Oh, ii don't make any difference,
so that it's something lively Dad is fear
full bad" What ails him." asked the
clerk Dunno" said the boy; 'but he's
run down orful. He just sits around the
stove all day and mopes; he hasn't wal
loped mother since Christmas. l guess
he's going to die"
An Indian came to a Nevada agent to
procure some whiskey for u young war
rior. who had been bitten by ~ rattlesnake.
At first the agent did not credit the story,
but the carnestness of the Indian, and the
urgency of the case, overcame his scru
pies. He asked the Indian how much he
wanted -Four quarts answered the
Indian. -Four quarts, repeated the agent