Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-05-09
WIT AND HUMOR.

VIII AMI ~ iH ~.
A CORRESPONDENT of a paper having
described the Ohio as a 'sickly stream,
the editor appended the remark nat
s .ne i = IL confined to its bed"
MILWAUKEE, girls, when they invite a
Young man to call around, don say
aWe'ye got lamp that turns down io" ",
hu, merely saw. 1--WE burn Milwaukee
oas.n-Nilwaukse Sentinel.
or was too bad to sentence that SICK !,
old man to the State Prisonfor lie, salu
a svmpathizing auditor at the close Oh d
trial eyes, poor fellow" said another
che won't live to serve out half the sell
tence." ..
THAT is an uncommon fine pig, Dea1
CON- said village clergyman 10 one oi
his transformers whose gate he was pass
ING. "Ah, yes" said the deacon VINO
was in moralizing vein-"ah, yes, II we
were only all of us as fit to die as him.
A LIVELY lady, when the subject OF
"strong- minded women was being uls.
cussed' made this remark: 81 notice that
those .women's rights people are inva-
r;ablv mems lefts.'" Mr.. Dickens used
TO repeat this with admiration.
~ SEE very little of you" said an old
gentleman at fashionable ball to
Young lady whom he had not met for a
long time before. 81 know it, was the
artiess reply, "but mother wouldn allow
me to wear very low-neck dress to-
night, the weather is so cold.
HE Rome 5tat tt.sssSi f'ys one q viyld
idea of the extremely cold weather that
has prevailed up there, when it says that
an lion mother thought her daughter was
a long time bidding him good night, I'M
til she went to the door and found their
lips frozen together.
ONE of our young ladies whose com
pany is much priced by an enterprlsing
Young merchant, took charge Of a class
of little girls the other Sunday. After
the lesson, she told the children that If
they wished 10 ask her any questions she
would answer them. "Will you answer
true9n asked bright-eyed cherub. Ger
tainlv,' said the teacher. ''Well, then, "
said the little one, hesitatingly, "do-do
you love Mr.. B-2' The teacher col
lapsed.
"What's this crowd around here for9'
demanded policeman the other night as
he came upon a dozen boys grouped near
the gate Of the house on Second street.
keep still" replied one of the lads.
"There comes old John, tight as brick,
and we're waiting here to see his wife pop
him with the rolling pin as he opens the
front door,
AN Irish weaver, just imported from the
sister isle, took his employer in Kilmar-
mock the first cloth he had woven since
his arrival. His employer detected in the
cloth two holes, within half an inch of
each other, and told him he must pay a
fine of shilling for each hole. "And
PLACE ye," returned Pat, "is Thy the num-
Der of holes or by the size of them that
you put the fine on usl' "By the num-
Der of holes, to be sure" And big
hole and a small one is the same price,"
"Yes. shilling for every hole, big or
little. linen give me mould OF the
piece" requested Pat. Gathering the
cloth in his hands, he tore the two small
holes into one and exclaimed: ''By the
hill of Howth and that saves me one shil-
ling, anyhow"
A SPELL OF GEN. SCoTT.-The present
rage for spelling schools revives an anec-
dote Of Gen. Scott. He had drawn up
the rough draft or an order in which the
word wagon" occurred The General
inserted one ''g" too many, and his clerk,
on discovering it, timidly asked on what
authority he spelled "wagon" with two
"g's." "On the authority of Lieutenant
General Scott, commanding the armies of
the United States, sir"' Numbered the
pompous old General. The clerk, at
least, thought the authority sufficient
Boston Globe