The Portland daily press. [volume] (Portland, Me.) 1862-1921, 1875-05-05
From the Detroit Free Press
Mr.. COffiu's Spelling Match.

The other evening old Mr. and Mrs. CONN,
who live on Brush street, sat in their cosey
back parlor, he reading the paper and she knit
ting, and the family cat stretched out under
the stove and sighed and felt sorry for eats not
SO well fixed. 1t was a happy, contented
household, and there was love in his heart as
Mr. Coffin put down his newspaper and re-
marked:
81 see that the whole country is becoming
excited about spelling schools"
'Well, it's good to know how to spell" re-
piled the wife. 81 didn't have the chance some
girls had, but pride myself that can spell
almost any word that comes along"
''I'll see about that" he laughed; "come,
now, spell buggy"
''Humph! that's nothing-b u-g g-y, buggy,
she replied.
'Missed the first time-ha! har' he roared,
slapping his leg.
"Not much-that was right"
sit was, eh? Well. I'd like to see anybody
get two g's in buggy, would
"Bot it is spelled with two g's, and any
schoolboy will tell you Sc" she persisted
"Well, / know a durn sight better than
that!p' he exclaimed, striking the table with
his fist
Il don't care what you known she squeaked;
Il know that there are two gs in buggy
"Do you mean to tell me that I've forgotten
how to speli?" he asked.
sit looks that way
"It does eh? Well, l want you and all your
relations to understand that 1 know more
dDOuI epellluR Iudu Tue WuOI6 CdDOOul6 VI 1Ou
strung on wire!'
"And L want you to understand, Jonathan
Coffin, that you are an Ignorant old blockhead,
when you don't put two gs in the word buggy
yes you are!'
Don't talk that way to mep' he warned.
And don't shake your fist at mel! she re-
piled.
who's a-shaking his fist?"
"You werep'
"That's a lean internal lier'
INnr oan lar olI ha1 va
put up with your meanness for forty years past
but don't call HE liar, and don't lay hand
on mep'
"Do yoa want divorce?" be shouted, spring
ing up; you can go now, this minuteP'
Don't spit in my face-don't you dare do it
or I'll make dead man of your she warned.
II haven'tspi in your freckled old visage
yet, but may if you provoke me turther!'
Who's got freckled face, you old turkey
buzzard?'
tion as if be would strike, and she seized him
by the necktie. Then he reached out and
grabbed her right ear and tried to lift her off
her feet, but she twisted up on the neckte un-
til his tongue ran out
"Iet 90 of me, you old fiendr' she screamed.
"Git down ON yer knees and beg my pardon,
you old wild cat!" he replied.
They surged and swayed and struggled, and
the peaceful Cat was struck by the over turn
ing table and had her hack broken, while the
clock fell bowman the pictures danced around
The woman finally shut her husbands supply
of air off and Topped him, and as she bumped
his head up and down on the floor aud scattered
his gray hairs she shouted:
You want to get up another spelling school
with me, don't you?"
He was seen limpng around the yard yester-
day, stocking pinned around his throat, aud
she had court plaster on her nose, and one tiu-
ger tied up. He wore the look of martyr,
while she had the bearing of a victor, and from
this time out "buggy' will be spelled with two
g's in that house.