The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-05-27
WHOLE NO. 1862.
Miscellaneous.

Can you spell consent in three letters
| Yes.
Even the LATEST boy can sometimes
catch a whipping
| How much does fool weigh generality
A simple ton.
AS twice eleven are twenty-five, how
can twice ten be twenty, too.
81 am bound to have my rights" as the
man said to the shoemaker who had sold
him pair of boots, both lefts.
Enterprise. The Chicago Times sold
twenty thousand extra copies on the
strength of the editors going to Jail.
What is the difference between belle
and burglar? The belle carries false
locks, and the burglar false keys.
Love is sed tu be blind, but 1 know
lots of phellows in love who can see
twice as much in their gals as 1 kan
Josh Billings.
~ must marry that girl" said discon-
solate young man. "She whistles, and
of girl that whistles"
1t is pleasant thing to see roses and
lilies glowing upon young lady's cheek,
but bad sign to see mans face break
out in blossoms.
They wondered at the short collections
in Missouri church, and investigated
to find that one of the collectors had tar
in the top of his hat.
Why call him the groom" as eight
out of ten people do2 A groom's busi-
ness is to look after horses A bride
grooms business is to look after his
wifes mother.
"Lord, make us truly thankful of what
we are about to receiVe-these biscuits
amt fitten for dog to eat,' is the way
certain Monroe, La, man asks blessing.
A person was told that three yards of
cloth, by being wet, would shrink one
quarter of yard. "Well, then" he in
quired, "If you would wet quarter of a
yard, would there be any left p
my DEAR" said husband, in startled
tones, after waking his wife in the mid
die of the night 'I have swallowed a
dose of strychnine2' "Well, then, do
for goodness sake lie still, or it may come
up"
An Indian and white man were pass
ing along a street, when the former
espied a window full of wigs, and point
ing to the owner, who was standing in
the doorway, said, Ugh him great man
big brave-take heap scalps!
Captain" said a son of Erin, as the
ship was nearing the coast in inclement
weather, "have ye an almenik on board2''
mo, l havent IT, Then, bejabbers, we
shall have to take the weather as it
comes.
A cruel joke at the expense of those
ladies who are perpetually striving to
gain hearing in the press has been 60
ing the round of literary circles, to the
effect "that they look much better in
muslin than in print.
widow, being eau toned by her min
lister about flirting, said she knew it was
wrong for maidens and wives to hirt, but
the Bible was her authority 1t said
widow mite" She was flirting awfully
at last accounts.
The Indiana editor who took his
mother-in-law on an editorial excursion
is requested to announce through the
columns of his paper whether he was ac-
tuated by generous impulses or by fear
-Chicago Tribune.
The tenor and soprano in a Boston
choir were married recently. A facetious
exchange says that they met by chants,
the usual way, and ultimately agreed to
duet. And the first addition to the fami-
ly will be trio.
When are stockings like dead men ?
when they are men-ded; or, perhaps,
when their soles are departed; or again,
when they are in holes; or, when they
are past heeling; Or when they are no
longer on their last legs.
She used to keep bits of broken china
and crockery piled up in a convenient
corner of the closet, and when asked her
reason for preserving such domestic lum-
Der, she shot lurid glance at her hus-
band, and merely remarked: He knows
what them's for"
Said colored Georgia preacher: Oars
robbin and stealth all around, Oars de
Beecher business, de Woodruff business,
Sumner is dead, tornadoes come whoop-
in around, de Freedman's Bank has
busted, and it pears as if de end was
nigh, mighty clus at hand"
A lady who had been teaching her lit
tie four year-old the elements of arith-
metic was astounded by his running and
propounding the following problem:
Mamma, if you had three butterflies,
and each butterfly had a bug in his ear,
how many butterflies would you have p
The mother is still at work on the prob
lem.
A citizen who met an old acquaintance
on the street recently asked why he
wore a weed on his hat. For the poor
wife who has passed over the river, was
tho malancholv renlv oWall can't sha
come back-arent the ferry boats rum
ningT' was the surprised query. The
man had to explain that he did not refer
to the East River.
whats this crowd around here for p
demanded policeman the other night
as he came upon a dozen boys grouped
near the gate of the house on Second
street. Keep still, replied one of the
lads, there comes old John, tight as q
brick, and we're waiting here to see his
wife pop him with the rolling pin as he
opens the front door"
woman entered crowded street car
the other day, and for moment or two
no one offered her seat Then fat
man, affected with the asthma, beckoned
to her and said: Madam, please take
cough). She stood there
for his seat, and as soon as he
was over his coughing fit, he concluded;
Madam, please take care and not step
on nv sore foot /" The look she gave
him was appalling, but all the rest saw
the joke.
An Aberdeenshire laird, who kept a
very good poultry yard, strangely enough
could not command fresh egg for his
breakfast One day. however, he met