Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-03-12
WHOLE NO. sos.
Long Division-a divorce.
Black Friars-- colored cooks.

| A serious turn-tWisting ones neck
How to keepa hotel-never part with i.
A string banda vigilance committee.
What did 10 die of ? Iodide of potas-
stun.
To learn the value of money, try TO
borrow it.
lmpecunious animals-those who have
MT scent.
Is Stealing march" Worse than ia
king walk
How can man who is the butt of d
joke see its point.
| Nothing makes person laugh 50 murh
| as a set of new teeth.
''Its all over with me-" sail he pan.
cake, when it was turned
That's the end of my tale, .,s the tad
pole said when he turned into !. nuIlfrng.
"Fm particularly uneasy on this poin,.
the fly remarked, when the boy stuck nin
on the end Of a pin.
a bore is a man wlO spends SO much
time talking about himself that you can't
talk about yourself.
The genius who is to inveas u pr4ctcsl
| substitute for work has not yet been bora
and never will be.
Mrs. Partington says she never had the
small pox, not she. She was inoculuted
years ago by an oculist,
True religion does not consist in self
| depreciation or self-eXaltation. \ man
! must not worship himself.
One who thinks he knows All about
farming says that the best way to rdlse
strawberries is with a spoon
kalakaua is doubtless home ere this,
| and getting mixed up under the cross
questioning of Mrs Kalakaua.
4 woman in Scranton Pa, put her
tongre to IA II t-iron to see if it was hot
That household is remarkably quiet these
days.
The man who is kind and polite to his
mother-in-law has reached Vicksburg, and
is an object of gener curiosity to the
people there.
AT a firemen's dinner the following toast
was given: The Ladies' Their eyes kim
die the only fame against which there is
no insurance"
Sunday school teacher-'.Who was the
strongest MANI JONAH because
. the whale couldn't hold him after he 90,
got him down"
The wings of some insects are so thin
that $4,000 placed one upon another would
not form a heap of more than quarter of
an inch in height
Never trust with secret married man
who loves his wife. for he viii tell her.
and she will tell her sister, and her sister
will tell everybody
Papa, are you growing taller all the
time?" NO, my child; why do you ask -
, Cause the top of your head is poking up
through your hair"
Coming events cast their shadows be-
FORE Wayne Hovey, Bergll's editor, SAYS
the red on drunkards nose is reiiee-
tion from the regions he is fast approach
ing
Cincinnati woman burned her hus-
bands best Sunday suit because he would
not put on a buffllo robe and crawl
around tie back yard and play Santa
Claus.
Dow, Jr., says that the reason man was
made after everything else was, if he had
been created fist he would have annoyed
the Almighty with endless suggestions of
improvement
An Indiana Sunday school man wites to
publishing firm in New York: Send
me some Sunday school papers and books.
Let the books be about pirates ana Indi-
ans as far as possible"
A floating news item stntes that some
body near Shreveport, the other day.
shot Il negro in the suburbs" This, il is
supposed, means that the negro WAS shot
in the calf of the back
At Herculaneum an interesting discov-
cry has lately been made of Il e-siZu fe-
male bust in pure silver, and wouldn't
you like to ''cOme rest on this bosom,
mine own poverty stricken deer?'
Teacher-"John, you young scapegrace,
come here, and I'll pay you back for your
No, thank you, | have conscientious
SCI uplcs against taking back-pay of that
sort
This is the sort of notice that an Oregon
lecturer gets from his village newspaper:
Col. 10. Meek has shoullered his law
bone, and will tell the people more
than they ever knew before about min
ing"
Three sisters in an eastern city are So
set in their temperance principles, that
they make the hired-girl smell the breath
of every gentleman caller and report the
result before admittance to the parlor can
be obtained
Spilkins missed his regular wee ~ ser
mon on Freemasonry yesterday morning
He got in by the basement window, stole
up stairs in his stocking feet, and fell fast
asleep before Mrs. Spilkins could even Sc
lect her text.
Somehow. one can't help thinking Of
that citizen of Syracuse who has thirt, cn
children, all girls. Probably there is no.
a corner of the bureau in that man'
house that hasn't cold chew OF spruce
gum sticking to it.
Mrs Loveit, of Springfield, Mass, has
forced her husband and three grow t-up
sons to board at a neighbours, US she finds
it impossible to spare time for house work
while the Beecher Tilton trial is goiag on.
She is slow reader, and gets up at day
light
Thackeray tells of woman begging
aims from him, who, when she ssw hi.
put his hand in his pocket. cried out
May the blessing cf God follow We all
your life;" but, when he only dreu oul
his snuff box, instantly added, "and never
overtake ye"
What countryman are your" i.IqQirai
an English nobleman of vagrant AN
Irishman, please your honor" His lord
ship asked, Were you ever ut sea-"
Come, your honor" answered Paddy,
'd'ye think l crossed from Dublin in a
whcelbarrow:"
Says the Oakland Tribune: "Somc peo-
pie imagine that Mark Twain is exceeding
ly smart. We knew him when he was
grinding out platitudes for the Virginia
En- erp Use, and he was a noriously lazy
grinder. He would sit at his editorial ta-
BILE for hours, drumming on a cracked
guitar, while the compositors were waiting
for copy, and when reminded of his duty
by the foreman, would say: This work