The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1875-03-06
III unlOrOus.

-"I see the villain in your face"
said a magistrate to prisoner. "Your
Honor" retorted the prisoner, "that is
o personal reflection"
AS our devil was going home with
his sweetheart few evenings since, she
said to him: "Fred, fear shall nev-
er get to heaven" "Why7" asked the
knight Of the ink-keg. Because"
said she with a melting" look, ''be-
cause love the devil so WE'LL"
Never faint when you are alone.
Always select some good opportunity.
The more persons there are about you,
the more successful will be your fit. A
friends house, when there is q dinner
or an evening party going on, is far
from bad opportunity. Never faint
more than once the. same evening; as
there may be falling off in che SYM
patby on the second experiment. A
woman. should not only faint well, but
be above suspicion. Be very careful
therefore, never to risk faint unless
you have some object in view, such as
going out of town-or new gown-or
a box at the opera--or being taken to
some fete OR any other caprice which
your husband may have obstinately re-
fused you. In such cases Mysteries are
jnstifable.
An old farmer purchased some
sweet oil in a drug store yesterday, and,
being asked if there was nothing else,"
he laid several packages on the counter,
held up a hand with several strings tied
on the fingers, and said: "Let's see!
That red string is for the bar-soap; that
rag is for broom; that blue cord is for
a calico dress; that dress braid means
four pounds Of sugar, and this other
string is for sweet oil. No-nothing
more"
During trial the Judge called a
witness. No one answered, and an ell
derly man arose and solemnly said she
was gone" "Where has he gomez"
asked the Judge, in no tender tone, "I
don't know, but he lie Dead" was the
guarded answer.
"A wicked boy, upon whose shoulders
his mother was expressing her resent
ment with both slippers, felt to proud
TO cry, and kept up his courage by re.
peating to himself: "Two soles that
beat as one."
The mewl (wrote school boy) is a
larger bird than the guse or turkey. 1t
has two legs to walk with, and 2 more
to kick with; and it wears its wings on
the side of the head. 1t is stubbornly
backward about going forward.
The San Francisco mllkmen have
formed a mutual aid association. One
holds the can, while the other pumps.
The Saginaw girls of the Methodist
persuasion having met together, con.
cluded to pray for the welfare of their
lovers, but the first one had not got
very far along in her petition when it
was discovered that they were all en-.
gagged to the same man. The religious
exercises were at once ter minated and
an indignation meeting organized, the
result of which was that the gay de-
ceiver was obliged to leave town at q
few hours notice in order to esca pc the
vengeance of male relatives.
An athletic specimen of mar
from the Emerald Isle called at the
countingroom of a merchant, and took
off his hat to make one of his polltest
bows.
"The top o. the mornin' to ye, Mis-
ther S. I've been tould ye're in wan
o. help"
"Pve but little TO do, replied Mr.. S.,
with mercantile gravity.
"I'm the boy for yes. It's but little
1 care about doing, shure it's the mon
ey Pm afther.'
When Shakespeare wrote about pa
thence on monument, did he refer to
doctors patients?" "No." "How dc
you know he didn't?" "Because you
always find them under monument. >