The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-02-20
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
An minola family lived on padding and milk
for two weeks and thereby sayed 81 to get q
plume Tor the mothers Winter bat .s.a
His name was Wrath, and when he asked his
girl 20 marry him, she gave him a soft answer,
and the soft answer turned away Wrath.
Mrs Partsngton, reading of the strike of the
wire drawers remarked: "a All, me what new
tangled things won't they wear next?"
An Indiana judge has decided that, IL woman
will shorten pie crust with butter at 80 cents per
pound, her husband has good grounds for divorce.
The papers are talking about the monogram
gartee. What the deuce is garter, anyway p
Indianapolis Sentinel That editors mind needs
'' stocking
A Scotch temperance lecturer thus impress
sively concluded bis remarks " Be temperate in
diet. Our first parents ate themselves out Of
house and home"
A little lad, who had Just commenced reading
the newspapers, asked his farther if the word
a. Hon, Pre6xed to the name Of a member Of
the Council, meant " honest"
spinster Of the upper ten recently purchased
an Egyptian mummy. She said il would seem
better TO have a man around, even If he were
advanced in life and Withered.
A Birmingham paper publishes very humble
apology for having, IN one OF It's reports, de-
scribed a speaker at n public meeting as q shoe
maker, instead Of a shoe manufacturer.
The elevation of women7' exclaimed my
Lord Tom NOddy, as ne was driving home from
Ascot. T" "AW-if Eela wants TO eee-aw-
women elevated, be should sec EN- at the waco
-aU-after good lunch"
When the Duchess Of Edinburgh wants to talk
uieey-picey TO her boy-baby, all she has to say !:
And was it Its own muzzy's blessed little
AIho-t AIaxander Alfred Ernest William Pr And
then that overburdened infant goes into convul-
sions that would twist the back bone right out Of
a plebeian baby.-BuvEn9tOn Halck:ys.
Some men are born great. A Treasury clerk
was murmuring softly in bis sleep the other night:
Kate Katei" His wife, whose name was
Susannah. soon woke him up by cross-examina-
ton which would astonish the safe burglars.
"Ohl never mind, Susan" be mildly exclaimed.
ss 1t wasn't woman. IL was only the Syndicate
was talking about"
Sioux City Qa.) Journal was Obliged to issue
an explanatory and apOlogetic card the other day,
owing 70 q blunder OF the foreman IN the compo-
sing room, by which an account OF the marriage
OF two highly respectable citizens Of Des Moines
was published under the head of " Crime"
An old lady in LOckport recently achieved
eminenee by carrying quart Of popped corn 10
. donation party, and eating two dozen fried
oysters, pound Of crackers, three slices Of fruit
cake, half q mince pie and some apples, after
which she was threatened with q =" spasm," and
ir the effort to prevent it she sacrificed all the
wine there was in the house. She attends dona-
tions regularly and does q good deal for the
church in that way
CoxuxSrs on 'DAD."-Yesterday afternoon
two strangers, walking up and down n the
DetrOit & Milwaukee depot 70 pass the time away
were attracted to locomotive standing on the
rails. and as they walked around it one Of them
remarked:
1t was one Of these feIIers that killed my old
7srIs that 50 ?" replied the other.
6Yss, busted him into nine or ten pieces.
never think Of it without the tears coming.
He sighed heavily, and then went on:
Dad was n walking on the track when she
busted him The engineer said he reimbursed bin
lever, bIode the whistle, and did all be could q
save the old man, who was trotting along with
his head down, but nothing could warn him
This ere eoweatcheE picked him up, tossed hin
forty feet high, and he turned over seven time
and came down IN q cOrn-held."
ssAnd he was dead ?" asked the other.
Dead Well, I should say be was Every
rib vas broken, the vertebery was shivered, hi
skuI was stove, one leg gone, and be was th,
worst looking old man you ever saw. shai
never forget the day they brought the pieces bael
into the house. There was mother q weeping u
the corner sister Julia up stairs, jim on the bed
and I had 70 run the funeral business, though
was that near gone that my head swum, and
couldn't keep nothing oh my stomach but InjuI
porridge.' -
It was a sad thing. indeed, - responded tn
other. ..r.+.r 49,. .--r.
ssTou bet it was 90 continued the son, sand th
worst Of il was, the newspapers came out an
said that dad was 4 blamed old fool for walking o.
the track-them were the very words.
ssThey Were7"
eyes, them were the words, and tell yo
tbev struck Us bad. Dad might have been reck
Lea, bot he was no fool. lie had good hear
and was powerful on poetry and figures"
he wiped his eyes with the palm OF his hanc
and he and his companion moved away-DefrO
Free Press.