The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-04-09


they give a peck when they take a grain.
How long can a goose stand on one
foot? Try it-that's the way the goose
found out.
An economical farmers daughter in
Massachusetts put off her wedding day
because eggs were up 10 forty cents a
dozen, and il would take two dozen for
the wedding cakes and pudding.
A prominent Detroit Universalist,
scme months ago, married a rei-headed
widow with four children, and last week
remarked TO a friend: 81 was blind
when ! believed there is no hell. see
now"
Nevada brides won't stand much fool
ishness at a wedding. Recently one Of
them while going up the aisle of. the
church stopped short and kicked all the
skin off the shins of a groomsman who
trod on her trail.
Edgar Poe saiI: TO villify great
man is the readiest way in which lit
tie man can himself attain greatness
The crab might never have become a
constellation but for the courage it evin-
ced in nibbling Hercules on the heel"
Appropos of spelling mania ii may be
of interest to know thai lady of Pro-
violence, r. l., during leisure moments.
has spelt six hundred and fifty words
out of the word "congregationalist," +" and
in no case repeating letter in the for
nation of a word.
Yesterday Uncle Daniel Drew looked
mp from the copy of the Times he was
reading in Robinson, Chase, & Co.'S OF
flee, in Broad street, and, removing his
spects cles, remarked sagely: This yere
ice georges washed away all the culprits
along the Erie road."-[Times.
A Western editor did not wish to hurt
the feelings of gentle poet, but apollo
gized for the non-appearance of long
and tender poem by saying: Beautiful
Spring was crowded out of our Sunday
edition to make room FOR an account Of
the great snow storm"
When they want to find out in the
country if a girl is courting or not, an
old lady steps in and remars. 81 say,
there amt no one sick in this here house
or nothin', is there? I seen a light
burnin' nigh on to twelve o'clock last
night; but l don't smell no campfire nor
nothin' around"
London is ahead. 1t has more Jews
than Palestine, more Scotchmen than
Edinhurg, more Irish than Dublin, more
Catholics than Rome, and more thieves
than Chicago.
The greatest discovery at Pompeii is
that of a woman making fire in cook
stove while hsr husband is in bed and
asleep. She is noble woman.-1B Boston
Journal
1t is said that nothing will cnre
poets affection for his idol sooner than
to catch her at the dinner table excava-
ting the kernel of a hickory nut with
PIN Brooklyn Argus.
By planting several Limburger chees-
es about his potato patch a farmer in
Linn county, Iowa, drove off all the po.
tato bugs, while his neighbors suffered |
severely from their ravages. This is
that kind of cheese which is said to be
ripe when bit as big as pea will drive
a dog ont of a lanyard.
Mr.. James Gordon Bennett il fitting
out an Arctic expedition in England,
aided with the sympathy of, at least, |
Lady Franklin. To this end he has
bought the ship Pandora, which will be
commanded by Mr.. Allen Young, a
lieutenant in the Royal Naval Reserve.
A Fashion editor reports that the
Easter bonnets have hurricane deck,
bell tower, signal lights, birds of para !
disc quail, Welsh rabbits and flower |
gardens ad lib
Charles Lamb, Essayist, denounced
all spirituous liquors aa "Wet Damna- |
tion." Poor fellow; he knew whereof
he sPake, by sad experience, and if liv-
ing, would apply the same to Alcoholic |
Excitants, advertised as CurealIs. But
there is one Tonic and Alternative in ex-
istence-the best the world has ever
known-which contains no alcohol. 1t |
is DIR. Walkers California Vinegar
Bitters. 4w52.
A Gentleman from the western part
of New York State bought Bible of a
Broadway importer a few days ago, for
which he maid S1n 600