Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-02-17
"Plain" People.

RobeSpierre, the "Incorruptible,' .
with his green red-spotted eyes, and
| Marat, the hideous Friend of the Peo-
pie were fully qualified by queerness OF
aspect for admission into the ranks OF
the Ugly Club, supposing that i'll
favored fraternity ever existed out of
the pages of the Spectator; but if it had
come to a contest Robespierre would
have been run hard by the cadaverous-
complexioned singer OF the pleasures
of Memory" who, when he sported a
yellow coat, was dubbed the ''dead
dandy" and to whom Lord Alvanly
once said, 'Rogers, you are rich
enough (; why don't you keep your
hearse ?" Another likely candidate for
seat under 4Esop's portrait was Mr..
Dunning, afterward Lord Ashburton.
Lord Thurlow, looking in at Nando's
one evening, when Dunning was play
ing whist there, asked the waiter to
take a note up to his friend. The
waiter said he did not know Mr.. Dun
ming. Take the note up stairs" said
Thurlow, land deliver it to the ugliest
man at the card-table-to him who
most resembles the knsve of spades"
The waiter had no difficulty in execu-
ting his mission.
Heidegger, King George Ills master
of the reveIs, whose furrowed face was
likened to a map with great many
rivers on it, had the reputation of be-
ing the ugliest man of his time. OF
course he afforded rare sport for the
caricaturists, but he wisely took all in
good part, and was ready enough to
jest at himself, even to wagering that
be found in London. Jolly, the fash
ionable tailor OF that day, once pressed
noble customer for a settlement of
his little account. ''Begone !" ex-
claimed his dHcal debtor; "Ill not pay
you till you bring me an uglier fellow
than yourself" jolly knew of but one
man uglier than himself, and wrote to
Heidegger to say his Grace wished to
see him next morning upon particular
business. Heidegger was there at the
appointed time, and so was the tailor
The Duke acknowledged himself
beaten, and paid up like man. Jolly
must have felt as grateful to Heidegger
as Soderini the singer was to Fanar the
ballet-master. The first time the latter
appeared at rehearsal Soderini, after
contemplating the new conner for a few
moments, accosted him with "Let
me thank you a thousand times for
coming among us; command me in any
way, for L can never sufficiently repay
you for the happiness yod have con-
ferred upon me-" Astounded by such
a welcome from a man he had never
seen before, Fanar inquired TO what he
was indebted for it. ''To your unparal
leled ugliness, my dear sir, said
Soderini 'for, before your arrival, l
was considered the ugliest fellow in
Great Britain" A still better story is
told of Delaware Justice of the Peace
who had long been regarded by COM
mon consent, his own included, to be
the ugliest man in the country. While
out shooting one day, the Justice met
a man beyond all question, even worse
looking than he was, and Immediately
leveled his gun at the astonished pc
destrian, who cried out TO him not to
shoot. stranger" gravely said the
Justice, 81 swOre ten years ago, that If
ever met a man uglier than myself,
I'd shoot him. and you're the first I've
come across" Surveying his odd as
sailant from head to foot, the stranger
answered, "Well, Captain, if 1 do look
any worse than you do; shoot; don't
want to live any longer y How they
settled matters is not recorded, but no
doubt the arrangement was amicable.
In 1885 young Frenchman was so
foolish as to kill himself in disgust of
his own unhaRdsomeness, leaving be-
hind him letter, saying, 81 leave my
remains to my father and mother, re-
GREETING that they should have allowed
the growth and development of a crea
ture of so disagreeable conformation
as their son." Royal Mirabeau, as
Carlyle calls him, who wrote, 'Imagine
tigsr marked with the smallpox, and
my portrait is complete" like our own
Wilkes, found no difficulty in making
headway with the fair sex. Every one
knows how the fair Dauphiness kissed
the ugly Alain as he slept. In much
the same spirit Sir Joshua's sister,
although she considered Goldsmith to
be the most Unlocking man of her ac-
quaintance, after hearing the ''Trav-
eler" read aloud, declared she should
never think the Doctor ugly again. |
She was more generous than Soame !
Jenyns, who wondered that anybody so
ugly as Gibbon could write a book; a
strange thing for him to say, consider
ing that he, too, was writer OF books,
although he bore an immense wen
under his head, and had eyes protrud-
ing like those of lobster, yet allowing
room for another wen between them
and his Chambers Journal.