The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-10-16
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

hash the scrapings and leavings, of no use els,
where, when mixed all together make exec
lent fare. Hash, hash, that hash Be it ever 5
grisy, there's nothing like HASH"
An exchange perpetrates the following o
Mouth"
He was n jolly Boston man
OF aspect most benign,
And when he gave his sweetest smile,
1t measured two fcet.nine.'
When the Chicago Times complains OF scant
skirts on the stage in that city it is about tim
for the authorities to interfere.
On a tombstone not many miles from THIN
Ohio, may be found the following curious ant
suggestive inscription:
"Susan, thou art no more;
Hast reached the peaceful shore
or Immortality;
From husband, sin and sorrow free
ave knew 1t would come" says the Nash
vile Union, "and have never lost hope while
walking through the valley of the shadow OF
calumny. The badge for newspaper reporters at.
tending the Philadelphia centennial is to be a
little Ratchet and sprig OF a cherry tree
The papers are publishing paragraph con
corning the ingenious escape OF a Chicago man
who was captured by a band of marauding In
dians. They were about to scalp him, but he be.
gan an Grafton about the greatness of Chicago,
and the braves fled In dismay.
Chcogo man has piece Of sandpaper tack.
ed on the seat of his pants, md won't tell what
for II to scratch matches on it's all right
Free Press.
The season for base ball is about over, and the
press as well as most newspaper readers feel re.
lieved. For our part, we have publiscd very few
base ball matches for the reason that We have
noticed that base ball players, as general thing,
can't read, willie peor'@ who can't play of course
care nothing about ST., literature. .ss.
correspondent CT the Mayfeld Monitor
writes:
Now, if you know Of any man who has COW
that is nakebtten, tell him TO use good whisky"
This remedy won't always do. gentleman
from the INTERIOR who has been staying here for
Il long time on business, had cow bitten by
snake in May last, and he has been using good
whisky ever since-usng sometimes as much AS
ten or fifteen cocktails day-and yet his wife
writes him that the COW died at least six weeks
ago.-COurier.J Journal.
Now put up the little stovc.pipe
With a meek and Christian grace,
STUFF your mouth up with your nose wipe,
Smear the smut about your face
Wish the house was gone to thunder;
Cuss little, while you can
Kick the reservoir asunder,
Stick your FOOTE'S through pan
Gone to meet your mother-in-aw.
There is bifurcate phenomenon in Aurora in
whose behalf the Ne,os inserts the following:
The young man that sleeps in store on
Broadway, says there Is no use in the boys dress
ing in womcn's Clothes tapping at the back
window Of the store and asking to be let in to
stay all night, as he amt that sort of hair pin.
Miss Anthony says that one woman in every
seventeen marres drunkard. It's that what
staggcrs Susan.
A Kentucky editor tells another that If his
head were as red as his nose he would remind
one Of a bow-leggcd carrot surmounted by
cockade.
Vile nsinuaton in the Chicago Times:
The St Louis Republican is in favor of n ma
tional convention of editors to determine upon
q general rule regarding the use of the &C" in
"whisk(cW" The Republicdn man will find out
II he investigates the subject fully that nine ed.
itors out of ten take their whisky with ease.
The Louisville Courier. Jou,,nal chronicles river
news in this style:
The old Nick Longman Rugged the bank
On Cincinnati's shore:
She used to run to New Orleans,
But won't run any more.
Gone to meet the United States Marshal.
Indiana obituary:
Cold is her check as the ice.cream in the freezer
Cheek that bluffed mllkman and butcher and |
all,
Wen chuck her in next to old Ebenezer
And give her tombstone some time yet this
fall.
DIR. Mary Walker says she wouldn't take off !
her pants for million dollars. Who wants her
to take em off at any priccg
Most Of our Ottawa mllincrs appreciate the |
advantage of advertising, but they can learn
something from New York about how to do il. |
The World says that many OF the ladies who ap. |
pear IN up town churches In new bonnets are
regularly and gratuilously supplied by certain
fashionable millIers, who are recompenscd for
the loan by the ladies mentioning the mllincrs
when the bonnet are admired.
There Is new counterfeit s, 600 bank note in
circulation. County parsons and editors should
beware Of II and scan every note OF this denom
nation with more than ordinary circumspec
ton.
Twiler, of the St. Louis Republican, says: "He
was scaded TO death from boiler explosion,
and on his tombstone they chiseled deeply: asa.
cred 10 the memory OF our Steamed friend"
Mary had little lamp,
Twas filled with kerosene,
And Mary down the chimney blew,
And left this earthly scene;
Gone TO meet her father, who looked down the
muzzle Of his gun TO see il ii was loaded.
Says the gushing humorist of the Chicago
TINS: Nothing less than an eight foot crime
line will conceal the St. Louis girls feet SO she
thinks the 'pull-back' is simply disgusting,'
though the length of her heel makes II set out
rather gracefully behind"
The last words OF young Philadelphia,
whose full soul loathed the obituary column of
the L>tiger, ere lie went TO meet his grandfather,
were:
When fiietiOns sore bear no more
And doctors do despair,
Don't let G. w. write me up
At ninety cents square.