The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-12-25
WIT AND WISDOM.

What time of the day was Adam born 7
A little before Eve.
Whoever it was that called a sausage
"a ground hog has made the best pun 81
the current month.
Pat, have you seen stray pig this
morning Shure, an how could tell
a sthray pig from any other, SURF"
The look man gives his wife when he
suddenly awakes in the morning and finds
her going through his vest pockets, is not
studied expression, but is excellent in
its way.
- Is there much water in the cistern,
Biddy z inquired a gentleman Of his ser
want girl as she came up from the kitchen
4 1t is full on the bottom, sir, bur there 5
none at all on the top, was the reply.
The wife of New York hackman, while
she allows that she must draw the line
somewhere, absolutely refuses to tie the
other end Of her clothes line to the back
windowfof the humble residence Of a hod-
carrier
" Madam, said trance medium, ''your
husbands spirit wishes to communicate
with you" " No matter" said the wild
ow, if he's got no more spirit in the
other world than he had in this, it's not
worth bothering aboLt."
One Of the most remarkable cases Of
suspicion and jealousy was that of West
chester county woman who tried to poison
herself because her husband always whls-
tied when he passed founding asylum
Brooklyn Argus.
A Danbury couple have nice little
daughter Of some FIVE summers A lady
visit IT observed to the mother, "What a
pretty child you have She must be a
great comfort to you" ''She is, indeed. .
said the fond mother "When | am mad
at John don't have to speak to him. She
calls him'to his meals and tells him to get
the coal, and other things that | want.
She's real handy"
A few days ago an elegantly dressed
lady got into Madison avenue New
York; car, and, although the day was cool,
she could not wear her gloves on account
OF her many diamond rings. balky
horse having twice stopped the car, the
lady went to the door and looking at the
team for few momen IS, said to the dri-
yer That ere off horse hain't used to
be druv on that ere side" And that was
just the trouble in spite Of the diamonds.
Last night there was ring at Spitkin' s
door-bell, and shoemaker's boy skipped
in with a bill, some pair of slippers, So
bought by Mrs. Spilkins. Il don't know
anything about it, said Leancer, uneasily;
''do you. my dear ri Mrs S. hesltated a
moment, and then waltzed the boy out by
the ear, remarking, Didn't | tell YOU that
was for my husband Christmas present.
and that you shouldn't bring the bill in
till next month 2"
In a Detroit street car lately some men
were talking about the nerve Of William
Tell in shooting an apple of his boys
head. To vex an old lady who was listen
ing, one Of the men said That was Mr..
Tell but what did his wife amount -
why history doesn't mention her 2" "I'n
bet hundred dollars = called the lady in
an excited voice, " Ill bet a hundred dol
lars that she sat up half the night before
patching the boys trousers SO he'd look
decent to go out n
A shrewd observer Of woman nature
says that you can never induce a girl to
have mission as long as she has a beau;
but the moment she becomes too old or
too ugly to have beau, then she gets a
cat, and begins to have lofty aspirations
and then neuralgia.
lady called upon her milliner, the
other day, to get the character of ser
want. The respectable appearance of the
latter was beyond Questioning. ''But is
she honest asked the lady. 81 am not
so certain about that, =" replied the MILL
ner; Il have sent her to you with my bill
a dozen times, and she has never vet given
me the money"
A good deacon making an official visit
to dying neighbor who was a very churl-
ish and unpopular man. put the usual
question:
Are you willing to go, my friend r.
''Oh yes, said the sick man, II am
"Well, said the simple minded deacon,
'Tm glad you are, for all the neighbors
are willing"
81 dell you how it vas. | drink mine
ager. Den L puts mine hand upon mine
head and dere finds one pain. Den |
put my hand upon mine body, and dere
wash enoder pain. Den puts mine hand
N mine pocket, and dere vas notings. So
jines init der temperance. Now dere il
10 pain in mine head, and der pain IN
nine pody is all gone away. l put mine
hand in mine pocket, und dere is twenty
dollars. So | stay init der temperance.