Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-07-14
nUnUsUuA.

aUnOxUUs-
While stopping over night at farm
house in Missouri, Traveller was as
tObished to see his hOsfess walk up Ia
her husband about every fifteen min
utes and box his ears, or give his hair 8
pull. In the morning the guest, seeing
the woman alone, asked an explanation
of her strange conduct, and the reply
was: on see, stranger. me and the
To see who shall boss this ere ranch,
and have jest got him cowed. but if
should let up on him for day /; he
would all go for nOthin."
A LADY once consulted DIR. johnson
on the degree of turpitude tO be at
tached to her sous rObbiDx an orchard.
Madam" said johnson, lit all depends
upon the weight of the boy. ! re-
member my schOOl-fellow, David
Carrick, who was always little fellow.
robbing a dozen of orchards with i'm
punity; but the very first time climbed
up an apple tree-fOr | was always a
heavy bOy-the bOugh broke with me.
and it was called a judgment. suppose
that is why justice is represented with
a pair of scales"
An obliging gentleman, who thinks
that personal fsvOrs do not cost much.
while they make friends was applied
to by cOlored man for certificate of
character by which he might get a
situation. The testimonial proved tO
he more complimentary than ScipiO
himself had expected; and that worthy.
on recovering from his astonishment,
exclaimed: "Say. Mr., won't you
glib me sOmediDg to do yerself on dat
recommendation y ....--..--.s
A German philosopher, whose con-
fidence in friend was grossly betrayed
by the latter's conduct in running
away with his wife and the contents of
the nlOney-drawer, was heard mOraliZ-
ing somewhat after the following style /:
"Velli velli So longer a man lives. 80
more he finds by gracious ont did
tink dat Jake had by himself some
sense, but ven hc go away init Katie
rina ! tink he is nothing better as a
foOl.n
At a large dinner party recently, the
cool weather had done considerable
dnty in supplying conversation. when
a plump, happy looking married lady
made remark about cold f.e
Surely" said lady opposite, Mrs.
-, yOu are not troubled with cold
feet I" Amid an awful pause she naively
answered: "Yes, indeed. am very
much trOubled-but then they are not
my own" Her husband blushed scarlet.
"Oh, ma :" said Miss McStinger, rush
ing into her ma-"ma! what a twelve
dozen creature our washerwOman is !"
Indeed, is shef And what's that,
my dearf" quotk the admiriny mamma.
.'Why, don't you know thai twelve
dozen is gross T. replied the aston
ished miss, land gross is very cOarsefn
"Yes, of course! What a lovely thing
education is, my chiidT
DIR. Gross, the celebrated surgeon,
was once dangerously ill. Soon after
his recovery he met one of his patients,
who remarked To him, ''Oh, doctor.
rejoice to see that you are out again !:
had We lost you, our good people would
have died by the dOzen." Thank you,
madam" replied the affable doctor !;
but now, fear, they will die by the
Gross"
A Prussiaa physician offers a new
thing, which d es away with physic.
"He washes the stomach by machinery"
But whether the stomach is taken out.
or the machinery put inside OF per-
son, TO perform the operation, is not
stated. We would just about as lief
swallow spoonful of physic as to gulp
down lot of NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS.
Herald.
Cremation. - Nephew-I hope you
haven'G been waiting long, unclef
UDcle-All right, my boy. Been read
ing the paper had piDch-by-the-b by,
its queer favored snuff in this jar of
yours, Fred.
Nephew [aghast ]-Snuff, uncle!- jar,
Good gracious! That's not snuff. Those
are the ashes of my landlords first
wife.
Ddnbury Ne,rs: A man will carry
live hundred dollars in his vest pocket,
but a woman needs a morocco pOrtemOD-
Dale AS large a. fist, aud too heavy To
fifIy-cenIs scrip, q receipt for making
goods, down town and back, every
pleasant afternoon.
according to a Chicago paper, a man
was lynched in Iowa the other day for
the burning of the barn aud the Con-
tents of his sou-in-law." We are Up-
posed to people taking the law into
their own hands, but when man burns
tile contents of his own sou in-law he
richly merits hanging!-NOrristOUR
Herald.
A Salt Lake City Mormon gives to
the world the following remedy. elf
you have children with red hair, give
them warm, fresh milk from a Texas
cow. IL will change iG for certain 10
black" If somebody will lend Us
Texas COW aud baby with red hair We
should like to try il.
The coming insane asylum keeper to
visitor: "Do ,Ou mean that man with
mis- head bowed, his eyes cast down, and
-pelled down too; but he keeps right
IN practising all the same; l believe
his word is ''syzygy."
A boy is blessing until he puts on
pants. From the period of the first
ent in his trOwsers dates feeling in
the maternal breast that is not wholly
People who accept bills for their
frieuds are called "sureties" for this
eason, that In nine cases out of ten they
are sure To be Called upon for the money.
The strongest friendship | hav ever
noticed, hav been between thOze who
thought differently, but akted alike.
Wdrbte-top tables are unhealthy, ac-
cOrdlng to the Herdh Of Health, but il
iUes not state their disease.
Truth liz simple-sO simple that the
phoolIsh often mistake it Tor weakness.