The Tiffin tribune. (Tiffin, Ohio) 1868-1887, 1875-04-29
A door step is often the first step in
life taken'by a little waif-

ili6 laheu Oy HIIle W2u.
New Proverb-Never waste your
time; waste somebody else's-
The farmers surest speeulations
will be in live stock and plOw- shares.
The Providence Press says it never
heard IN funeral O-ation or sermon,
and seldom in private conversation,
the opinion expressed that a man with
SIC, 600 income had gone to hell.
Talk about the poetry of motion and
sylph-like grace, but did you ever
stand by and see woman use a one
tined fork to flop stove cover of f?
Il is said that nothing will cure a
poets affection for his idol sooner
than to catch her at the dinner ta-
bic excavating the kernel of a hickory
nut with hair-pin. brooklyn Argus.
SJhe is q perfect Amazon" said q
pupil in one of our schools, of his
teacher yesterday, to 3 companion.
YES" said the other, who was bet
ter versed in geography than history;
81 noticed she had an awful big
mouth"
A one-legged man was hopping
about town the other day. He said
his wife had deserted him for q more
legged man. Let's see-tbat makes
him grass-hOpper, don't it ?-Brlms-
lCieker.
The latest Irish bull we read Of fs in
the case OF an Irish gentleman who,
in order to raise the wind whereby to
relieve himself from peeuniary en-
barrassments. got his life insured for
a large amount aud then drowned
himself.
"Why don't you hold up you head
in the world as do ?'i asked hauzh-
ty lawyer of a sterling old farmer.
Esquire" replied the farmer, "see
that field OF grain. The well filed
heads hang down, while those only
that are empty stand upright"
1t is said that General Spinner
supervised the passage of fifty-fiVe
thousand millions of dollars through
the Treasury during his term Of four
teen years, and the losses of alI kinds
did not amount to one dollar on the
million. Pretty good record for the
venerable Spinner.
A quiet, peaceable gentleman in
Philsdelphia has recently given up
business, sent his family into the cOun-
try, and calmly announces his deter
minatlOn of devOting the remainder
OF his life to discovering the man who
sent him paving stone by express,
with Sl7 charges on it.-NOdh's Stal-
day Times.
Scene-A prominent doctors Office.
President-A sophomore and several
young ladies. A woman enters with
a large roll of flannel In her arms
Approaching the sOph. she aee0sts
him with, 81 have been informed, sir
that YOU are in need of a wet nurse"
Result-Blushes and explanations Of
the soph. and audible smiles from the
ladies.
It was dumping day" at Trevor
Hall, and the bOarders were fast ap-
peasIng their inordinate desires when
one of them discovered a long hair
issuing from his dumpling. He tried
quietly to remove it, but he soon dis
dage. He then handed it to the wait
er, with, please remove this and
give me bald4headed one.
Phabil Pasha claims, says one Of
his friends, who has just returned
from COnstRntinople, that he has dis
covered a means ofsuppressing polyg-
amy in the East. ut is a very sim
pie matter" he says. EVERY good
MussuIman has right to four wives !;
well, will have a decree passed that
will oblige the husband to take the
mOther-in-law with them, and you
will see what will become of polyg-
amy
The meanest man in this city lives
on Jackson street. He cuts the ac-
counts of the Beecher scandal out oi
the paper every morning and hides
them in the Bible, to keep his wife
and mother-in-law rom reading
them. Hesays 'they never look IN
that book" and he tells them "the
dog ehaws the PAPER fu5 of holes"
Father Taylor once prayed sot ali
the musicians and opera singers, and
especially for the beautiful young
woman Jenny Lind who had just
landed on our shores to gladden.
American. ears with her songs. As
he closed, 8 long, lank fellow rose
from the pulpit steps and asked
whether the preacher supposed a per-
son who died in an opera house could
90 to heaven. Father T. replied All
good people will go heaven, but q
fool will not, even though he dies on
the steps of pulpit"
1t is awkward , talk an hour or so
with a person, apparently an old
friend, without being able to remenl-
Der his name. "Let's see," you say
finally and with the utmost conf
dence, show do you spell your name?"
There is look OF aggrieved astonish-
ment, and the response is deliberate
and dignified, "I spell it JONES,
Jones'" 1t transpires, sure enough,
that 1t is Jones, and, eiapping him on
the back, yOu tell him togo up head.
"Yes, my brethern," yelled a Dako-
Ia preacher last Sunday, "there amt
no steeple on this meeting house, and
We ought to be ashamed o. yeTselves
for not walking up and giving the
dust to buy one;" and then Dsa-
con Powers, with big red apple in
one hand, stood up on bench and
said /: "Steeples is good, ParsOn, but
IL ye think yea gOin' TO reach God
elmitey on one yer mistaken" and
the preacher turned pale while the
congregation. gave Deacon Powers an
encore.