South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-05-07

COW Win the pertinent inscription
Cheaper than dirt
How TO BECOME PURcHAsER.--Ag gen.
ueman owned farm in New Jersey. IL
had been long In the family. Embar-
easements compelled him to sell, and the
farm was put up at auction. He felt so
bad about the sale that he could not ut.
tend 1t, but sent over his head servant.
On his return the master said:
well, John. was the farm solde"
Eyes, sir"
Ibid it sell well?'
ut went very low"
who bought it?"
II did"
"You. John! Where did you get the
money!"
II laid up my wages since I worked
Tor you"
"Well. John, I'll tell you what will
DO. AS soon as you get the title to
your property, I'll come and work for
you and buy the farm back"
VThe Xcnia, Ohio. Torchligu re.
lates this story: IAN old gentleman liv.
ing near here was called upon short
time since by a clock tinkerer, who ex.
amined our old friends clock and pro.
nounced it out of order. The old gen.
tleman said that it was good enough for
him and the old woman, and he would
not have it fixed, but it was insisted up
on. and he finally agreed to keep the
tinkerer and his horse all night in re.
compence for the necessary repairs to
the old house clock. The clock proved
to need more repairs than was ut first ex.
pected, and in addition to the nights
lodging seyenty-fiye cents was demand.
ed. The old gentleman objected to this.
and began to count up what he had al
ready given his lodger "First, there
was your supper "But STOP" said
the tinkerer "you asked me to eat sup
per, and consequently can't charge me
for that" "Well," said the old gentle.
man, you asked me to let you fix my
clock, consequently you can't charge me
Tor that. So we are square on the sup
per and clock, and You owe me for your
lodging and breakfast" The old gen.
tleman was ahead"
~ Pete: Sam, Noah wasn't the fuss
man wot cum out of de ark
Sam: Why, Pete, you doesn't know
anything bout Biography; Noah was
de fus.
Pete: Don't dc Scriptures say on de
third day Noah came forth?
Sam: OATS so, dats so
Pete: Well, wasn't dere free ahead
of him.
tV A good thing is told of chap who
was arrested just after the close of the
war charged with assault and battery
When arraigned, the prisoner said -
"Gentlemen, you ought to deal easy with
me. lie called me n III rogue and
] didn't touch him, he called me a d--n
rascal and / didn't touch him. bni then
he called me d--n Yankee, and, gen
tlemen, l couldn't stand that %
~ Count Gutenberg, formerly Minis
ter Resident of Hesse ut Paris, is n col
lector of autographs, and his album con-
tains, among others, the following, sign.
ed by Nj. Guizot I'm the course of nv
long life have learned two wise things
one is to forgive much; the other is ne.
Yer to forget" NJ. Theirs wrote under.
meath: "a little of forgetfulness does
not injure the sincerity of forgiveness"
Prince Bismarck wrote below these two
sentences the following: II have learn
ed III my life to forget much, and TO make
myself much forgiven"
tSA lady asked n very silly Scotch
nobleman how it happened that the
Scotch who came out Of their own conn.
try were, generally speaking, men of
more ability than those who remained ut
home. ooh madame" said he, "the
reason is obvious. At every outlet there
are persons stationed to examine all who
pass, that, for the honor of the country.
no one be permitted to leave it who is
not a man of understanding" Then"
said she, II suppose your lordship was
struggled"
~ What changes n few years brinr
about-don't they? Yesterday the Cit. |
zens Of Arbor Hill were aware of n wo. |
man madly tearing along, potato-masher
IN hand, giving chase to her husband |
who was flying from her presence like
deer. Eight years ago the same female !
took medal at one of the female semi. |
naries for graduating essay on "Reposc
Of Character"
An oid-fashioRed clergy man named [
More was riding on horseback one stor.
my day, enveloped in loose cloak of
large proportions and having a broad /.
scarlet collar. BY the action Of the
wind the cloak was tossed about I'm all
directions, when . gentleman rode ND on
spirited horse, which SHE'D and almost
threw the rider. THAT cloak Of yours
would Brighten the devil" said the zen.
tleman. you don't say SOL" replied
Dir. More why that just my trade"
Being asked what made him so dir.
ty, an unwashcd street Aral,srer,,, ,y,s