The Ottawa free trader., 1875-07-31
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

The prevailing fashion in feminine dfes.es
renders it somewhat inconvenient to climb over
n five board fence, or to indulge in the lrlskY
game of leap frog.-JachSon Sentinel.
The Clinton Age of last week says that the
FARMERS are in the midst of their harvest nov"
and the small grain is being gathered with al
available forces" You are either not much OF Il
farmer, Judge, or else crops in Clinton must oc
two weeks ahead of what they are up this way
During harvest, the postoflce at Tonica VIII
be open later in the evening than usuaI, iDr thr
accommodation of farmers. We nope no iaT,ntr
will 90 home without his mail, should ne ma
The Office closed. The postmaster resides TWO
blocks west of the office, and will take pleasure
in accommodating any person who has bcGn dc-
ayed at home CADET lAlLoh, i'h'
When your town comes 70 be as large as Of
tawa, neighbor, you will ignore the convenience
Of farmers and utterly refuse TO open on Sun
DAYS when hundred people come from the
country to church and would like TO get their
mail.
This was picked up from some exchange, hut
we forgot where. 1t lay on the sidewalk, and
a gentleman who had been 10 the races picked
10 up. He lit it carefully with his cigar and
watched the burning of the string until It be
ran TO hiss and spluttcr He wound mp his arm
a few times, threw the cigar with al his might
and put the cracker into his mouth as il wont
Off His face looked like map Of the burnt dis
trict as he went snutllng aud splitting down the
street to lick that cigar maker
An Indian corn planter has discovered that q
crow knows twice as much as an eagle, and hc
wants the crow adopted as the National en-
blcm-Er.
This isn't sufficient caws for tJnishnS the
eagle,
One Of our editors dashed ont un the slandcr
question, using the quotation "5lind your OWN
glass windows His smile was CHASTITY when it
ran through the whole issue, "Mud your own
grass idows.'-Boston 1ra',iec
When the Rome CN, 7. } Seated gives advice it
always has an eye to the main chance; a-, for
instance, when it says; "When the weather is
such that you can not work in your hayGcld, sit
down and renew your subscription"
A Grccnup man was struck by lightning while
splitting kindliug wood 1t is but anothcrwam-
ing to husbands not TO usurp the sacred duties
Of their wyes-NaStgH NcssrHgrr
Persons who are weary Of saying, "llow doth
the little busy bee" may try the following Chi
nesc version:
How? Sic belly small chin-chin sting bug
Im-im-imp owe ebly Sixty mnnit all time
GO, pickec up sting bug JUICE all day,
All kin places 'loung' loweis jest got busted.
It was Des Mones couple and they climbed
steep ladder to the top of the new Capitol
hHilding. When they were ready 10 descend
that lad Ter, lac said, "I'll 60 down and steady
the LADDER She replied, "Young man, that
ladder is steady enough; you will wait here and
will go down irst,-Ha Saa'
The subjoncd verdict is youchcd for by the
Cincinnati Ga.ate as having been duly recorded
in the county clerks office last week: owe, the
jury find that the said Louis Filman came to his
death by shot accdcntly went oil by himself
by killing a cat by shooting the same and when
she was not dead instantly 10y striking the cat
with the breach Of the gun and the load dis.
charged itself"
"Amcn! amcni" shouted 4 Cedar Rapids par
son, at the eloquent remarks Of a stranger at a
camp-mcetng, Suddenly the parson turned his
eyes on the man, and jumping up, screamed,
Catch him, brothers, catch him! He's the throe-
card,monte man that got my last months salary
This is a fact, and tue monte man is now in Jail
at Cedar Rapids.
Mr. Gwiun, of Virginia, is dead. He stipulated
that he should be buried with his head eighteen
ipchcs higher than hi. feet, that his cane and
sheepskin should be placed in the coffin with
him, and that the coffin should be carefully
wrapped in a blanket Where does Mr. Gwinn
think he's Gwnn toy
Last week, down in Tampico, Whitcsidc coun-
ty, lightning west for a span of mules and
fetched them both. Mr., Ferris, the owner,
thinks they were healthy mules, TOO.
They killed lightning rod agent the other
day up in Piqus, but they had to run over him
with nine freight ears to do it, People who can't
afford to keep fast freight line in the house are
still at the canyasscrs mercy
It win soon be the thing for ladies wearing the
present style Of dress, e. say, " How j, that for
UJhighE-FoH Wayne Ss"tded.
"Our inside contains to-day" says Mime.
sofa editor, "'Dyspepsia,' Crooked Whisky,
q Chinese Restaurant and various other inter,
csting selected articles"
Commencement Drinks" are now in order in
New Haycs. Let the festivities be giu.-A s..
tonL -ldt.
The Rockford Register, Of the 10th, says: "Therc
is 20 bc grand reunion Of the temperance folk
in this city at an early day number of guests
f-om our sister city will join us, and bring with
them large quantity Of Free por,"
In q communication In another column, wo.
man declares She is unable 10 see the relation OF
cOlored stockings and soul struggling for hed-
ven. We have boon pilgrim some furty-Scycn
years aud honestly believe an occasional glimpse
q striped stocking has lighted up the dark and
dreary road considerably Nnd.
All good enough; but they haven't been in
fashion that long.
The DeEver Mirror gets oil The following one
on the Irish riAemcn: The Irish team were
unable to Z. mpete at long range with the Amer
Jean shootists. Had the point aimed at been
John Bulls eyes, though, they would doubles,
have made center shots every ume'
This is Childs latest gem in the way of objtu-
ary poetry:
lie wac one Of children seven,