The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-02-04

NV life insurance agent, DenJaluH =
Gum, is still around and he is still can
wasting actively for his company. A day
or two ago he dropped in to persuade Mr..
Pitman to take out policy, and the fol-
lowing conversation ensued:
Gunn-"I called"
Pitman-" o get out! Idon't want to
be bored about life insurance"
Gum" just dropped in to see If"
Pitman-"I know you did, and don't
want any. You can't insure me-"
Gum" If you will permit me merely
to ex-" .
Pitman-" But / won't permit you.
Skipl This is the sixteenth time you've
tackled me, and I'm sick of it. amt a.
going to insure my life. That's settled. "
Gum" Y ou misunderstood me Judge.
called to ascertain if you are member
of the Peace Society,""
Pitman-"I ann
Gunn-''I thought so. And of course
you are willing to help along any scheme
which will put an end to war and muir
der"
Pitman-" Certainly"
Gunn-"Well, then, Just listen to me.
| am acting in behalf of your Society. |
have on hand magnificent plan for pro-
ducing permanent peace on earth and
making armies useless. Why did Cain kill
Abel?'
Pitman-"I dunno"
Gunn-" Because he had no particular
interest in keeping him alive. That's the
reason. Why did David bang Goliah ;
why did the Romans butcher the Cartha-
ginians why did the Modocs kill Gen.
Candy; why did old what's-his-name
burn Ridley and Latimer at the stake?'
Pitman-" Hanged if know"
Gunn-"W Why, because it wasn't money
in the pockets of any of those fellows to
have the other chaps walking around en-
ioying life. Do you suppose Brutus
would a-stabbed Caesar if Caesars death
would a-kept Brutus hard up for market
money? Not much, he wouldn't. DO
you believe Wise would a-hung old John
| Brown if Johns death would a-fOrced
Wise to borrow money to buy boots ?'
Pitman-" May be he wouldn't"
| Gum" Well, then, look a-here. Sup
pose you was policy holder in Mutual
| Life Insurance Company wouldn't it re-
duce your dividends if you was to kill an
other member, and wouldn't you do youI
terrific best to keep that member alive?'
Pitman--" Strikes me would"
Gum" OF course. Now, what / am
aiming at is to gather the whole civilized
earth-the whole human family-intO our
company, SOS that all hands will be per
fectly wild to keep every body else alive.
When this is done you can beat your
swords into spears and your plowshares
into pruning hooks. for there Ii be nc
more war. Don't you see? I'm not
working for paltry commission or two.
1t is labor of love. I'm trying to elevate
the race and promote Christian ciylliZa-
ton"
Pitman-"I tnever struck me that way"
| Gum" Anyhow, it's so. And | ask
you, as q member of the Peace Society, to
enroll your name among those who are
carrying on this great work. Terms as
low as any other company, and dividends
payable semi-annually. Unborn genera
tons will rise up and call you blessed
| We make our policies payable at any age
or will put IN the Tontine; and you'll dry
the widows tears and hush the cry of the
orphan. Go in for five thousand dollar
policy, and | assure you that the GLAD
hosanIlas of the white-robed angel Of
Peace once more will resOund from the
starry vaults of heaven, and over the smil
ing earth the songs of love will still the
cIangor of the war-horse and the boom o.
the cannon, and man once more will know
the felicity of Paradise. Lemme see how
old are you?"
Pitman-"pm forty-four in February
Put me down fer five thousand, payable
at sixty years of age. Call In the morning
with the papers, and I'll sign EN-"
Gum" Good day. I'm of. I've go
an engagement with Cooley at eleven, ant
I'm anxious to keep it. I've haunted hin
for two years now, and he has succumbed.'
l-Maz Adeler, tn Danbury Netos.