Fayette County herald. [volume] (Washington [Washington Court House], Fayette County, O. [Ohio]) 1860-1???, 1875-12-30
HUMOROUS.


twenty times day.
Some of the Eastern railroads have uni
formed their neWsboys, and now it is COM
paratively easy to tell one of the lads from
the president of the road.
A noble Omaha mastiff has saved the
lives of three children within month
past, and bitten fourteen men who called
10 sell a patent clothes-bar.
"A Plous Kentucky mother punished her
GhIee chhdren because they walked five
miles TO camp meeting and after all came
home without getting religion
Every time that the last survivor of Per
ry's victory dies, seven OF eight new ones
turn up, and in this way the country's
stock of heroes is kept full to the brim.
When couple of Virginia editors walk
ten miles before breakfast to shoot each
other, and then compromise without firing
shot, a sad-eyed public begins to feel that
Journalism is more or less OF a failure.
AS an evidence of the hard times it may
be mentioned that a young man in this
| State wrote every bank in Detroit offering
to ''be your kasheer for $50 per month and
| board" !" and no bank could give him
place. -
A Detroit widow found weeping over
the body of dead jackass explained her
| agitation by the remark that when she saw
|
dead husband came upon her with ire
sistable force.
| One of the late zephyrs at Minnesota is
reported to have blown two sheep into the
top of a tree mile away from their graz
ing place. The rest of the flock had pres
ence Ofmind enough to hold on to the grass
with their teeth.
It now turns out that an italian named
Casino would have discovered this coun-
try if Columbus hadn't lied to him and
got him out of the way until his own ex-
will please correct.
At banquet in Montreal last week Sir
John A. Macdonald, in reply to a toast,
made speech four hours long, and then
spent another four hours in assisting to
drag from under the table and wake up the
people he had been addressing.
An old preacher, who had several calls
to take parish, asked his servant where
he should go, and the servant said: "Go
where there is the most sin, sir, - The
preacher concluded that was good advice,
and went where there was most money
A bald-headed man was in Saturday in
quiring if he could get his wife into the
institute for deaf mutes, and how long it
would probably take to teach her to be
dumb. When matters had been explained
to him he bought three yards of clothes
line and started for the wOods.-GreeRGLp
| (Ry.) Independent.
Zeb Crummet says old Deacon Ransom
went to a circus and took his grandchiId,
remarking to every acquaintance he met
/ that the boy wanted to see the sacred AMI
mails, and he couldn't find it in his heart
to refuse him. Arriving at the tent, he
cried to go home, and the deacon spanked
him to make him go in.
sEIsh der some ledder here for me ?'' in
quired a German at the general delivery
window of the pOst-office. E'None 20 was
the reply. ''Vhell, dot ish queerp' he
continued. 'fMy neighbor gets sometimes
dree ledders in Won day, und get none.
I bays more daxes as he does, und haf
neffer got Won ledder yeti
They do some things better in France,
Uide the following neat way of putting it,
from Partisan paper: sFThe Princess de
M. is about to retire from society for a lit
tie while, and is buying edgings, insert
ings, muslins, and so on, which she is
making up into little garments, too large
for doll and too small for herself - - =
In Massachusetts the other day, man
named Rowly shortly after the discharge
of a shotgun in the hands of his divorced
wife, suddenly discovered deposit of lead
in his body, and employed half a dozen
| doctors to work the mine. At last ac-
, counts they had hoisted out twelve buck
shots, and were sinking and drifting for a
richer lead.----4=
Doubtless the reporter of the Terre
Haute Express was inspired when he wrote
| Thursday: E'No snow fell here last night,
but further south the people were more
5 favored. Three inches of frozen angels
2 tears fell at Vincennes. Although it snow
: ed all day at Evansville, there was too
e much dampnesss, and the dark-eyed mud
f looked up and licked itin."
No matter how Indifferent the rest ofthe
. world may prove to your gOings and your
comings, how careless of whether you re
main away or come back, there is one per-
son who will witness your departure with
anxious heart, one pair of eyes that viii
grow brighter when you return. You
, know her, young man. 1t is-it is-be
| still, oh, beating heart! 1t is your wash
woman.-BTUnS10ick Nelos.
This man was seated in front of the old
Ashland fireplace, warming the sole OF
| his left foot. An old darkey went to warm
: and as he turned to go out he met another
shivering mig coming in Needn't 90 daT
to warm, Jim.'' 'FWhy so?'' EsKase dat
man from Cincinnati done histed his foot
and kivered up the fire. sides dat, its
, gwine to take de mos of de day for him to
5 git dat one foot warm enough to set it on
de ground.' And they went off.
The Binghamton Republican is resposible
. for the following: During a recent ex-
: animation of a class of youngsters in one
= of the Chemung County schools the teach
; er asked: fFWhat is amonarchy?" and ii
was Immediately answered by an eight
king 'FWho would rule if the king
should die?'' E'The queen" ''And if the
= queen should die, who then would be the
: ruler?'' ''The jack
A few days ago an elegantly dressed lady
: | got into Madison avenue car, and, though
the day was cool, she could not wear her
j" gloves, on account of her many diamond
rings. A ball1y horse having twice stop
. ped the car, the lady went to the door, and
: looking at the team for a few moments,
4 said to the driver: E'That 'ere off horse
aint used to be druv on that 'ere side.''
And that was just the trouble, in spite of
E the diamonds.-Nelo York Tribune.
= The st. Louis Globe Democrat thus wan
= tOnly assails noted philanthrOpist: ''Af-
t ter uncle Daniel Drew had subscribed
S 5000, GOO toward founding a new Methodist
d College, he remarked to friend one day
e We'll, sir, [ didn't know where the mon-
It ey was coming from. L was worried over
i it, and so made it a subject of prayer. At
It ter fasting and praying over the matter
s for one day, went down on Wall street
C and in less than tyenty-four hours skim
ned those fellowsOut of 5000, O,OOO.'"
The steamer Fanny was coming down
the Upper Missippippi, loaded with pig
: lead. As she was going over shOal place
: the pilot gave the signal to heave the lead.
: The only man forward was n green Irish
man. 'EWhy don't you heave the lead ?''
SIS it the lead, yer honor? Where top
. | "OVerbOard, YOU blOck-head!' The Irish
I man snatched up one of the pigs of lead
, and threw it overheard; the mate, in en-
: deavoring to prevent him, lost his balance
/ and fell into the river The captain, run
: ming to the deck, asked, 'EWhy don't you
baoTn tho Iaad and sin o. out how much va