The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1875-12-09
ANOTHER LETTER FROM Slick.

The Startling adventures of Seagrave in
Missouri.
OLD BOURBON, MISSOURI, Nov. %, 1873.
Ed anti Monopolist
You will doubtless be surprised to re-
ceive a letter from me from this place,
but, as the poet beautifully observes,
"There is destiny which shapes our ends,
Rough hew them as we WILL
Stebbins says this is net true because
destiny has left his end unshaped but
the exception probably proves the rule :;
and in Steb's case destiny didn't seem to
have finished either of his ends.
But must explain how | come to be
here. immediately after Seagrave took
his departure for Bunotown, Arkansas,
as related in my last letter, the Major
God bless his innocent and cheerful
hearth telegraphed Mr.. Sneider that he
had forwarded him a candidate by ex-
press, in dry goods box. and four demi-
johns OF No. whisky. A week elapsed ::
and the Major-at the very hour which
he devotes in his back office to the Pc
rusal of the Pioneer Press alternately
milling at its republican utterances and
damning its democratic doctrines in tn
same breath at this solemn hour, sacred
of gods and men, at the very moment
when the major was puzzling over one
II Joe's most complicated and involuted
paragraphs, with a republican smirk on
his lips and an anti Democratic scowl on
his perplexed and massive brow, an ir-
reverent telegraph boy rushed in with a
message. 1t read -
BUNGrowN, ARKANSAS, Nov. 22d, 1875,
"Neither candidate nor whisky arrived vet
Where the ID are they? Town in q great
state of excitement especially about the whis-
Ky. JOHN SNElDER."
The Major dropped the Pioneer Press
and his lower jaw simultaneously. and
in dreadful state of perplexity adjourn
ed into Mike Mullaney's for drink and
meditation. He had reached his fourth
glass and his second thought when the
irreverent boy rushed in again with an.
other telegram The Major tore it open
excltedly and read:
OLD BOURBON, Mo-, Nov. %, 1876.
The whisky has given out. Send me twenty
gallons more. SEAGRAvE."
"Old Bourbon, Missouri" calculated
the Major "what in thunder is he doing
there?"
He rushed back to the post office and
conferred with his clerk, but as the clerk
had precisely the same opinions as the
Major on all subjects, there was nothing
gained there.
SO he called meeting for the next
day, and the clans assembled.
Knowing that l was friend Of Sea-
graves and had so fairly reported their
former meeting. the Major wrote me
very polite note requesting me to be
present; for said that great man, Il
do not wish our proceedings to be mis-
represented or burlesqued, and therefore
appeal to you to be present. to held the
mirror up to nature-to nothing extenu-
ate nor set down ought in malice" The
Major, it will be observed, is classical
sometimes and even his oaths have a
fine flavor of the antique about them.
l shall not dwell upon that meeting.
Tue Major explained the situation. Pat
Davitt volunteered at once to 90 and
find Seagrave; but when the Major
called his attention to Seagrave's tele-
gram in which he said that '.the whisky
had given out" Patt like Macbeth said,
II will proceed no further in this mat
ter" Several gent emen got out pocket
maps and enquired of the Major as to the
cost of a through ticket TO Bungtown.
whereupon the read headed man and
the retired butcher scowled jealously at
each other. The Major SAID that they
must take up collection and raise
money enough and send some one alter
Seagrave; whereupon Peregrine Per-
k:ns rose and said that he had an en-
gagement at Fairfield and Withdrew at
once. Several others then rose and
spoke approvingly OF the plan proposed.
and expressed their willingn ness TO 90 in
search Of Seagrave if their expenses
were paid. bu, unfortunately they could
not contribute anything themselves to
the fund. The Major, with his usual
shrewdness, saw his way out of the di-
lemma. and suggested that they should
take up collection. and that the man
who gave the most should be their mes
senger. This was agreed to, and ia this
way considerable sum was raised: but
10, it turned out that the red-headed
man and the retired butcher had each
given the same Smount, and more than
any Of the others. A pitched battle was
imminent. began to tremble tor their
mutual scalps; when the Major, with the
wisdom Of Solomon of old. proposed .
compromise, to-wit, that 1, Slick. 1.-THE
faithful and brief chronicler of the
times. should 60 as messenger. This
Was hailed WITH applause. for l can say
without egotism. that have the respect
and love OF the whole Peoples Party Of
Dakota county; and the Major, God
bless him,
Loves ma like . vera brikh9,"
- Tam 0.Chsr1ar 49,. -