Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-10-15
SINGULAR TRANSFORMATION.
How Master Bilderback's ScnOoI
Books Got Changed.
Burlington Uawkeye.

! Burlington Hawkeye.
1t appears that during vacation
Master Bilderback, having fallen be
hind in his studies last term, wa
compelled by his ma to read hi
school books certain hours of the day
until he escaped that tyranny by going
out to his Uncle Keyser's farm. Ii
order to make his studies as light a,
possible, this ingenious boy had dis
sected, or rather skinned his books
and neatly inserted in their cover,
certain works Of the most thrilling
character known in modern literature
When he came back from the farm
this transformation progress had Ell
tirely escaped his memory, and it was
not even recalled when he heard his
mother tell the teacher, who called in
the hopes Of learning that that bean
had sproutcd and grown into his brain
and would probably terminate fatally
that he was the best boy to study
during vacation she ever saw, and
would pour for hours over his books
and even seemed anxious to get at
them. Master Bildcrback had for.
gotten all about it, and only thought
it was some Of his mothers foolish
ness, of which he believed her to
possess great store. As for the bean,
the amazed teacher learned that it
was never discovered, it never came
out and it never hurt him a particle,
and had Just naturally ceased to be.
And the teacher went sadly away,
moralizing over the case, and that of
little Ezra Sampson, the best and
most obedient and most studious, and
quietest, and most lovable boy i'll her
school, who, one day, stumbled and
ran the end Of Il slate pencil into his
nose, and died next day. Aud long,
long after she had got out of sight of
Bilderback's house, she could hear
the hopeful Master Bildcrback shout
ing, "Shost that hat.' and "Pull
down your vestn' to gentlemen driv-
ing, with their families or sweetheart,
past that mansion. Dreadful boy,
she thought, he will surely come to
some end, some day.
Well, it was only the next day that
when the reading class was called,
Master Bilderback took his place for
the first time The boy next to him
had no book, and as he was called
first, he Just took Master Bilderback's, 5,
who turned to look on with the boy
on the other side. The class was
reading the selection from cold Curl
osity Shop" and a girl had just fin
iShed reading the tender paragraphs,
"She was dead. Dear, gentle, patient
noble Nell was dead. Her little
bird-a poor, slight thing, the pres
sure Of a finger would have crushed
twas stirring nimbly in its cage
and the strong heart Of its child mis-.
tress was mute and motionless for
ever" Imagine the feelings Of the
teacher when the boy who got W
with Master Bildcrback'S reader went
on:
sBlack tiend of the nethermost
gloom, down to thy craven soul thor
lest" exclaimed Manfred, the Aveng
cr, drawing his rapier, "Draw, malig
nant hound, and die"
"Down, perjnred fool. William ant
double-dyed traitor, down with thy
caititf' face in the dust. Dare'st thor
defy ne? Beast with Il pigs head
thy doom is sealedw exclaimed th'
Mystic Knight, throwing up his visor
: ''DoSt know me now? / am the Mac
Munchcr of the Bazzarooks!"
"Mantrcd, the Avenger, dropped
his blade at this terrible name, and
The teacher caught her breath an,
stopped the boy. In tones of forced
calmness she asked what he wa,
reading, and he told her it was Bid
erback's reader, and looked in amaze
ment at the innocent scholastic backs
and the villainous interior, which wa:
nothing less than "The Blood on the
Ceiling; OF, the Death Track of th'
Black Snoozer." After requesting
master Bilderback to remain after
school and explain, she called the
next class, one in Arithmetic.
"Fisher," she said, ''you may reao
and analyze the fourth problem"
And Fisher, who was Bilderback''
next seat mate, and had taken tha
young mans book by mistake, ros'
and road:
The purtiest little baby oh,
That ever did see, oh
They gave il paregoric. OH
And sent it up to glory, oh
Fillacy, follacy, my black heu,
She lays eggs for entemcni
Sometimes e."
tIn mercy's name," shricked th'
poor teacher, what have you go
there?" And investigation revealed
the rather humiliating tact that whel
Mrs. Bilderback thought her young
son was poring over mathematics
problems, he was learning choice
vocal selection ont of"The Pull-Bacl
Songster and Ethiopian Gree Book.
When the grammar class was call
ed, the teacher asked some one t'
bring her Il book. Master Bilderbacl
was the nearest and he handed hel
his, imocently enough, Tor he haC
been busy with more projects than
we could tell about in a week, since
the arithmetic class had gone down
The teacher was tired and listles'
with that wearing worry and tortur.
which is only found i'll the school
room, and she listlessly and mechanl
callv opened the book at the place
and said:
mamie, how would you analyze
and parse this sentence" and costing
her eyes on the page, she read:
Ofer you dond vas got some
CLOTHES on, 90 on dark hlaces, of
you blease. Aind it:''
She laid down the book, and burst
into hystcrical tears, unable even to
exert her authority to restrain tho
mirth that burst out all over the
school room. She dismissed the
school, and had not sufficient energy
to punish even Master Bilderback
and that yeung gentleman only car
ricd home a note to his father, re
quesiing that citizen and tax payer tt
re-organize his sons school library
before he sent hlm back to that palla
dium of our country's liberties, tho
Dublic school,