The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-06-16

ped at his house to put up patent light
ming conductors. "I amt afraid OF
lightning, It's the thunder / believes
going to knock us all endwise, some
day." "You don't seem to compre-
hend," said the peddler; "these ere
silver-tipped rods are lightning rods,
and the gold-tipped ones are thunder
rods just what you want" and he
persuaded the old man in ordering up
the gold-tipped rods.
"a heated alteration" is the mild
way in which a Tennessee paper puts
it when one gentleman shoots another
gentleman through the head because
the second gentleman's cattle trespass-
ed on the first gentleman's wheat field ;
and the way in which the courts put
it is that the first gentleman is "bound
over to appear at the next term of the
Circuit Court in June"
1t was II o'clock at night when Mr..
Berger, of Macon, Ga, discovered a
colored preacher in his stable untying
q horse, and the preacher only observ-
ed-"Jess what l said all de time,
Mistah Berger, your horse is bay sure
enuff, and dat 'spute between mo an
Brudder jackson is settled"
A newsboy, seated on the post Office
steps, counted his pennies over aud
remarked: Seventeen cents in all.
That's five for the circus, three for
peanuts, four for sinking fund, four
/ owe to Jack, and there's one left to
support widowed mother on until
Saturday night"
ave read in de good book" says a
colored Baptist brother down South,
"of John de ptist-nebber of John
de Methodist" And that, says
Charleston correspondent of the New
York Observer, is the reason most Of
the colored Southern people are Bap-
lists.
A man was Indignantly exclaiming
that his knife had been stolen, when
at last one of his neighbors, whose
garden had been robbed short time
previous, said to him, 81 found your
knife among my cabbages; how came
it there :" The man was struck dumb.
Mrs. Rose, of Connecticut, said she
would hang herself if Rose wasn't
home at eight o'clock. When he came
in at night she was suspended Co a
beam, cold and dead, and he rubbed
his hands and whispered: "There's a
woman who couldn't tell liel"
A Western contemporary, chroni-
cling the suicide of q melancholy ag-
riculturalist, who hanged himself from
a rafter in his barn, asks itself "if the
wretched man had any thought of a
hereafter ?" Manifestly he must have
thought of this here rafter.
"Ohl my friends" exclaimed tenn
perance orator, "that had a window
in my heart, that you might all look
in and see the truth of what l tell
you !" "Wouldn't q pain in your
stomach do just as well?" asked a
small boy.
At teachers institute in Ohio re-
Gently lady teacher was given the
word "hazardous" TO spell and define,
and did it in this style: "H.a-z, has
ard, ard-e double s, ess-hazardess,
a female hazard"
A sheep-breeder of Clark county,
KY, is willing to make affidavit that
he killed fourteen dogs in two shots a
few nights ago; which, as Jeames
might remark, is shooting to some
purps.
"Kill him! kill himp shouted a
crowd in Virginia City as they gather
ed around a hotel. "What for?" in
quired a stranger. "He's got on alli-
gator boots and velvet coat. Mash
'im."
There was once legislator who laid
by $4,000 in one session. When he
was asked how he managed this with
a salary Of 81 900, he said that he
saved it by doing without hired girl.
A little girl happening to hear her
mother speak Of going into half
mourning, said, "Why are we going
into half.mourning, mamma E? Are any
of our relations half-dead ?"
"IIave not offered you every ad
vantage?" said doting father to hi:
son. "Oh, yes !" replied the you; "but
could not think of taking advantage
of my father"
They have laid out o new city in
Iowa, you can tell when you come tc
it easily by sign sticking up in the
mud with the name of the place writ.
ten in charcoal.