South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-06-04
A Disturbance in Church.

They have had more trouble at our
Methodist meeting house. Last Sunday.
Rev. Mr.. Moody was just beginning his
sermon, and had uttered the words.
Brethren. / wish to direct your atten-
ton this morning to the 4th verse of the
chapter of Saint" when a hen e.
merged from the recess beneath the pull
PIT. AS she had just laid an egg, she
interrupted Mr.. Moody to announce the
fact to the congregation, and he stopped
short as she walked out into the aisle,
screening: Observation-Disclosures k-kuk tie.
ko" Mr.. Moody contemplated her for
moment and then concluded to 90 on.
but the sound Of his voice seemed to
provoke her to rivalry, and so she put
on pressure OF five or six pounds to
the square inch. and made such a racket
that the preacher stopped again and said
"Will Deacon Grimes please remove
that disgraceful chicken from the meet
ing -house?''
The deacon rose and proceeded with
the task. He first tried to drive her to-
ward the door, but she lodged him, and,
still clucking vigorously, got under the
seat in the front pew. Then the deacon
seized his umbrella and scooped her out
into the aisle again, after which he tried
to ''shoo" her toward the door; but she
darted into pew, hoped over the par
tition, came down in the opposite pew,
and in the side aisle, making a noise
like n steam planing-mill. The deacon
didn't like to climb over after her, so he
went round, and just as he got into the
side aisle the hen flew over into the mid
die aisle again. Then the boys In the
gallery laughed, and the deacon began
to grow red i'm the face.
AT last, Binns came out Of his pew to
help, and as both he and the deacon
made dash at the chicken from the Oh.
posite directions, she few up with n wild
cluck TO the gallery and perched on the
edge, while she gave excited expression
to her views by emitting about five hun
dred clucks minute. The deacon flung
a hymn book Mt her TO scare her down
again but he missed her, and hit Billy
Jones, Sunday-school scholar, in the
eye. Then another boy in the gallery
made dash at her, and reached so far O.
yer that he tumbled and fell on Mrs. Mis-
keys spring bonnet, whereupon she said
out loud that he was predestined 20 the
gallows. The crash scared the hen, and
she flew over and roasted on the stove.
pipe that ran along just under the cell
ing, fairly blowing with fright. In or.
der 70 bring her down the deacon and
Mr.. Bins both beat on the lower part Of
the pipe with their umbrellas, and at the
fifth or sixth knock the pipe separated,
and about forty feet came down with
crash, emptying barrel OF two Of SCOT
over the congregation. There were wo.
men in that congregation who went home
looking as IL they had been working in
the coal mine, and wishing they could
stab Mr.. Grimes without being hung for
murder. The hen came down with the
stove-pipe, and as she flew by Mr.. Binns
he made dash at her with his urnbrel.
Ia, and knocked her through a fifteen
dollarpane of glass. whereupon she land.
ed IN the street, and hoped of chuck.
ing insanely. Then Mr.. Moody adjourn
ed the congregation. They are going
to expel the owner Of that hen from the
church when they discover his identity.
--Dior Adeler IN ne Netv York WselIv'