The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-10-02
CREAM or OUR EXCHANGES.

old Being single she cannot be said to belong
to a male train, and being dumb she can hardly
express herself, She must have train Of her
own. tm rr
Gridley, Mclean county, is fast approaching a
high state of civilization. 1t has billiard table,
ten-pn alley, race track, caaboosc, four saloons
and circus.
A clergyman at Springfield, who has bad
habit of adding "ah" to many Of his words,
told last Sunday Of those who had been
brought up on the Lords side.ah
Here is dreadful warning to dishonest youth,
Four boys in Carthage, N Y, raiding melon
patch, devoured nearly half Of green pumpkin
before discovering the awful mistake.
The Rome Sentinel is bound to get fair at
tendance at its annual county exhibition, so it
discreetly remarks:
Thirteen wealthy bachelors of Hcrkiner
county, each Of whom wants wife, will be in |
attendance at the county fair here next week"
The first step toward wealth." says an ex-
change, ais the choice of good wife" And the
first step toward securing wife is the posses, /
sion OF good voallh
A North Carolina editor will dress his paper
in mourning for ten dollars, if any one dies, and
his liberal terms have endeared him to the hearts
OF whole county.
Onondaga Indians have what is called green
corn dance 1t is an enjoyable affair, but does
not present that variety and fervor which char
acterizes the green.apple dance Of the pale
faces
gay and risky party Of Juveniles, ranging
from GA years old to 9s, attended the pioneer re-
union OF Cuyahoga county, Ohio.
II costs fifty dollars to slap Cleveland mans
mouth. That is, it takes fifty one dollar bills to
cover the damage.
Mr.. Narrowing, of Georgia, gives tone to his
name by shooting his son instead of cat
A Boston murderer in consequence of his
poor health, wants his execution delayed.
When Missouri engineer dtched his train,
he family asked: "Did it kill anyone who past- j
ed his hair in the middle" They answered that
three such were lying dead "Tien die happy"
he sighed, aud was soon no more.
A Tennessee girl, riding on the cars, crossed
the aisle, kicked young man up against the +,
window and Remarked /" / was brung up never
TO allow yaller.cyed man to wink at me!'
quaint old man, n Boston clergyman OF the II
last generation, was accustomed to say that j
" bread is the staff of life, but bread and butter Il
is gold headed cane" r
Frank Blake an actor, read the following at 1
his benefit performance in Portland, Me-: o
Dear public, you and Of late Ii
Have dealt so much in fun,
I'll crack you now monstrOus great
Quadruplicated pun!
Like CRATE full OF Goals I'll glow,
A great full house to see;
And If am not grateful too
A great fool must be!
The Danbury Nars isn't dead journal yet, by
any means, but continues, ut intervals, to hit the
nail on the head with astonishing force and pre-
cison. 1t says: "What this country really
needs ia good five cent cigar" Il
man in Keokuk was kicked by a mule the p
other day aud badly injured. When some of
those who went to his assistance proposed to r
take him to pharmacy he family exclaimed: ,
" Pharmacy sake, take me anywhere out of the :,
reach Of the mule"
They were husband and wife, and as they
stood before the soldiers monument she asked:
" What's that hgger on topW "Thats d god. 81
dess," he answered "And what's a goddess :,
" woman who holds her tongue,' he replied. !,
to make peach pie with the pits In it for the a
benefit Of his sore tooth.-Detroit Free Press. .
Advice TO republican papers:
Put away the little rooster; L.
Never mind your display heads;
Blaine and Morrill, amt enthused, or
Maine theme for double leads
Gone to meet California
The Providence Press asserts that CLANS have q
hearts and souls, like human beings, and as wo G
look up and down the columns of the Press we i
wonder why CLAIMS are not also provided with e
brains.
cigar manufacturer has entered the noliti "A
cal held In Dubuque ms a candidate for alderman a
lie Is said 10 have some very strong hackers ~
". Y. Com advertiser. And his friends are nuf g
fng him good deal, We suppose.-Ve,o H,,,n IL
Journal And he'll take the "stump" of course Il
-Boston Post. But his opponents say ne won't Il
Havana chance for election. d
The three wonders OF the world at present are y
how nun Sccumulats in vest pockets, where
pins 90 to, and why, when man comes out Of a l
saloon, he looks one way and goes the other o
v. Y. World n
Nevada stage coach robbers are very courteous u
men. For Instance, they say TO "a passenger, al
shall either have to handle your money or spat- +
Ter your brains over that mans white vest" b
Cicero said: The pursuit of all things should S
be calm and tranquil II is plain that he never
saw Butler county girl searching for nea with a
her right paw, which is mightier than a Bogar $
dus Kicker run by Keely motor.-E1.
Bowling and smiling she crossed the street
With love Of a ticd-back on:
a melon rind glidea from under her feet; d
And then her tled-back was gone. n
She rose from her seat with a martyred air, 4
And gathered the things she wore. a
She looked like one tlatwas willing 10 swesr,
Butthen size never swo.e. 0t lc
Carl Prets,L ir
Mrs Dcrhurst is the name Of a Baltimore ladyl
revivalisi, who is pounding out great deal osI I
truth for new beginner
The isa woman In Quincy, this State, who
claims 70 have kissed every minister ever loca. :