Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-12-30
The Bashful Young Man,

He deserves pity, buthe is universally
He is painfully conscious of. existence
wherever he goes, and it would doubtless
be mercy to him if he could cease exist
ing now and then long enough to recover
his composure. UsE a.,-
His feet and hands are always wonder
fully in the way, and a large portion of
his time is passed in the melancholy
task of measuring his two thumbs, as If ne
were not altogether certain whether they
were mates or not. He contemplates the
toes of his boots for hours together, with
a face as grave and sage as if these same
toes were the vague, mysterious future"
OF which we hear so much, and he was
seeking to penetrate its secrets. r,.
He cannot walk across the room with
out turning up the corners of all the rugs
in his pathway, and if he does not tip over
the ottomans and sweep the ornaments off
the center table with his coat-tails he NAV
esteem himself fortunate.
Every time he passes a rocking chair
he will, Of course, bruise his ankle bones
against the rockers, and he will wish
mentally, if not audibly-the inventor of
rOcking-chairs in a warm latitude.
When he is introduced to a lady he
bushes like criminal, and bows with
jerk, and stammers, and feels in his pock-
cts, and pulls his whiskers, if he has any,
and f1irts with his watch-chain, and plants
one foot on the lady's dress, and calls her
Mrs. if she is Miss, and 0tce gerSa-
and makes himself miserable generally
But it is at table that he exhibits most
powerfully his peculiarly. He eats pud-
ding sauce on his potatoes and gravy on
the apple dumplings; and he tries to cut
the butter, and the ball bounces out Of the
slippery plate into the steak-plate, and
spatters the gravy ali over the table cloth
He drops his knife, and strikes his fork
against his tumbler, and spills. his tea, or
blisters his tongue with the hot coffee,
and gets himself into pickle generally.
When he calls on an acquaintance he
never knows what to say He talks
about the weather until the subject will
bear no more handling, and then he will
fall into dead silence, and roll his de-
spairing eyes about from one corner Of the
room to the other in the vain hope that
they may discover something about which
a remark can be made. ~. s5., ~
He never knows when to go away, and
when he has made up his mind that, it is
time to be going he is afraid to make
move .-- : - g..
His boots creak-baShful mems boots
always do creak-and there will be sew
eral ladies between him and the door, and
he doesn't remember where he left his
hat, and the cold perspiration bursts out
on his forehead, and he most devOutly
wishes that such a thing as visiting any
body was unknown. ... 4i-t
If he hears a girl giggle anywhere he
feels sure that he is the cause Of it, and it
makes him creep all over He instinct
lively feels his collar to see if it is all
right and fingers his coat tails to make
sure there is nothing adhering to them,
and he feels savage and wishes the women
had all persisted in the deluge! .
Well, there are so few bashful young
men nowadays that people should not
laugh at them, for bashfulness, is one of
the ancient virtues which in this age Of
" cheek and " brass" is fast becoming
obsolete.-Kate Thorn, in N. z Weekly.