The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-01-23
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

George w. Blake, prominent Ottawa lawyer
was guest at the Fitch House yesterday.
See here, Mr.. Btccoa, we want this stopped.
Mr. Blake doesn't travel on one ". His name is
Geo. W. W. and We want his full name, or Wen
1oable goa up.
A lady in Washington advertised that her in.
FAINT child, whose father was congressman, was
very i'll, and If ten dollars were not sent to an
assumed address, she would call in person TO see
its father. The result was thirty.four letters,
each enclosing ten dollar bill, without com
uent.--EJ.
Yet there arc people who carp about the-the
well the peculiarit!cs OF the present congress.
There are L. 42 male convicts in the State pen
tentiary at Joliet, and only fifteen women
There's another chance for susan b. Anthohy 10
ind fault with the men for monopolizing every
thing.-HTaM
Annie Howe, vino eloped with her lover in
Montreal tie other day was bound to get mar
RED Annie Howc-EM
That's the origin OF A." He knows Howe it is
himself" -or al least be onghtto be by this time.
Mercury stole 10 from Argus, and now the ir-
ms AKRON is retaliating by stealing paragraphs
from evcrybofy.-Cacc'naat Times
That's classical way Of calling party lit
erary thief.
4 boy who was drowned at Wilkcsbarrc the
other day, was named SchywndcEbcrger When
boy with patronymic like that on him. once
-ets into the water, the odds are ninety nine out
If hundred in favor Of his going to the bottom.
-Nodhs .Sant(ay Yi"tcs.
There hasn't been single burglary in an up
county town since brass band was organized.
There haven't been any inhabitants, either, since
hat time, except the members Of the band
III. Scat.
We have a band here, and the result as TO pop
ulation IS different. Tic band hadn't been or.
4anzed week. before four Of the members be-
cilno dads and not city dads either,
Even Pennsylvania hangman may show what
IS conyentionally known Us taste" in his pro-
iession, He smoothes the pathway Of the con
Iemncd wretch to the grave by decorating the
moose with blue silk ri5bon-hr.
That is to show that he hangs only first pre-
MUM Williams.
\ Chicago Aldermen tried for three hours to
think of George Washngton's last name, but he
couldn't do it. He said he knew it was George
and that the man had something to do with the
NleXicn war, but he couldn't remember further.
DetrOt Fire. PfssS.
II is reported that Bon. Butler wants to Join
fhc Democracy to steal the silver lining OF the
cloud in the political sky ". y. PicayuHc.
Yes, and they complain that the moon does
not dare to shine around where Ben Is, fearing
that he will appropriate her silver beams"
\ Faycttc street chap, Utica, has forsaken his
girl. She has the fever and ague, and he can't
put an arm around her without getting such al
shaking makes his cyebals jingle,-RoDc
Scnt.
It is evident that his girl shook him"
Chicago received two hundred thousand hogs
IN u single week, and neglected to have the D-
Icctory man take new census.-St, Lo,Gs Ucja
0raH.
Chicago may retort thusly:
drove of half dozen donkeys carc into ST
Louis last week, thus adding Six to the popuIa
ton Of that city.
X resident Of Bridgeport Conn, is the owner
Of a six-year.old cheese. IL says: There's
millions in it,"
That's mite.y large statement.
There is a deal of sound philosophy in the fol-
towing
He who gocth IL blind sitteth down upon the
bent up pin while the observing man scanncth
She chair seat before he squattcth.
An exchange observes:
Now is q good time to buy thermometers.
They are lower now Than they have been since
last spring.
As for US, we prefer them higher, whether they
cost more or less.
A young man in Cairo has Just finished farm
ballad containing 2 100 verses II reaches clear
across the street, aud would make four bustlcs.
--Eochaa0e.
1t is not fair TO rdcule so important an article
as the hustle, in this way There is scarcely any
thing else 90 safe for the dear lSdies to fall back
apon.
Kate Field declares that the man who has held
her hand in his more than two or three seconds
d0cs not live.-E1.
II probably killed him on The spot. The
pressure was more than he could bear
An exchange pithily remarks
An indianapolis policeman has been fined
tWenty.one dollars for profanity. He Will be
careful how nc talks in his sleep hereafter.
We endorse the painful continent in the item
below:
How dreary seems each hOtf,
As it slowly, slowly goes,
To the man who sits in anguish
With boil Ipon his nose!
No man can read about all these burglarics
without determination to have his wife sleep
9n the front side Of the bed III.
Then there is another cogen. reason for max
ing ones wife a barrcade to protect fellow
against the burglar, aud that il, If she is muscular
and kicks onights, and you are tmid and don't
want to be kicked out Of bed.
The Chicago Post, in view Of tie fact that But
Ter is defeated, don't seem 10 care. Some people
could extract comfort from gourd.-Er
Especially If the gourd be flied with some.
thing good to take.
The Mammoth Cave is Tor sale. Not in lots,
however. The purchaser mus: take The hole, or
none
Holey Moses! what pun
Our devil" who is sincerely Interested in the
young ladies of this city, says:
Young ladies under twenty summers
Should never frt with city drummcrs,
Because full often they will lnd
These drummcrs leave young wives behind,
When colorcd minister leans up against a
henroost ON dark night, the star paved courts