Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-07-09
II UMO.R.

HUMOsR.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES
GIVING HELP TO TIFF HEATIIEN.-A
man about thirty years old, wearing bat
tered plug hat and seedy clothes, looking
as hungry as a man who had been wreck
ed on an iceberg, softly entered Gratiot
avenue saloon yesterday, and leaning over
the bar, whispered to the proprietor:
''My dear sir, am canvassing for sub
scriptions for the benefit of the heatnen."
'sIsh dat zo?'' replied the saloon keeper,
rinsing a glass.
Eyes, my friend, that is 500 continued
the man, taking out very greasy PASS
book, "Yes, am collecting money for the
benefit of the poor heathen, who are lying
in state of vice and ignorance. Some
put down ten dollars-some five-all give
something. Here is the book, and you can
subscribe such an amount as you think
best"
Ssh it a betition to dem common goun-
CLIP" inquired the saloOnist, as he looked
at the book. ilia A
ono, sir, you do not understand my OBJ
ject. I am collecting subscriptions for
the benefit Of the heathens, and you can
write your name and give me such an
amount as your conscience directs.
.sVere isll dem heathens?" inquired the
beer seller, looking coldly at the strangers
battered hat.
g"In Africa" replied the agent, Sin far
off Africa. where all is gloom and loneliness
because the heather has no education.''
.sAnd vot county is dat Africa in?"in-
auired the salOonist.
"My dear man, Africa is country-a
great big country, far over the deep blue
sea. Is it possible that you never heard of
Africa?"
Il hat lived in Toledo and Chicago but
didn't hear some one ever say word about
Africa"
ssWell, that is neither here nor there. 1
am authorized to collect subscriptions for
the heather, who is running about in a
state of nakedness and sinfulness, and who
must have bread for his mind, and be
brought to realize that he should live for
something besides this life."
ssYah, dat is SO, )" replied thesaloonist in
a reflective tone.
ssYOu contribute whatever sum you
may think best, and forward it to Bos-
ton by firsl mail, where it is turned into
bibles, and the bibles shipped to Africa.
Most people esteem it a privilege to be al
lowed 10 subscribe ty this fund. Willyou
write your name DOWN." 800
II links will, - replied the man. and he.
hunted up his pencil, and aftermuch labor
wrote his name on one of the pages and
handed the book back with the remark:
II dunno if you can read it,"
ssThat is all right: but you have neglect
ed to mark down the amount of your con-
tribution Let's see-will you say a dol
Iar?"
ssVhat?''
AWill you give the sum OF one dollar to
the heathenY"
ssHa! What you spoke about?"
s.Win you give me dollar to forward
to The poor benighted heathen?"
.Money-gif you money?'
"YesAfor the lieathen!"
ssYes, a dollar for the benighted race
who are dwelling in darkness
The saloon keeper looked at him for
halt minute, and then, reaching down for
u club, said:
YOU'D better go out py dat door. sign
dat pook to get dat heaten some close 10y
de poor master. and dat is blenty! If you
sthay here some little while more Stall
hit You mit dis Club on de headl''
My dear" s.
.tGo GUS nit dat door!'' yelled the saloon
Keeper running from behind the bar, and
the canyasser had to go,
s.STAN' Oor' o. THE Roam, -
Some years ago. her Majesty was one day
standing on the public road near Balmoral
making sketch of the palace from a pal
ticular point, when a flock Of sheep Were
driven along. Her Majesty, intent on her
work. moved little nearer the side of the
road
The boy in charge of the flock. seeing
her in the way, shouted at the top of a
stentorian voice:
,aot n, the road. wuman. an, left !
~. shaa,, ,aa hv,,,
The Queen not moving out of the way |
so quickly as the shepherd wished, he
again shouted: nsl~
Eat are ye stan'in' there for! Gang
DOT o. the gate, an'let the sheep gang by!''
One Of her Majesty's attendants, wh.
,r.. at q little distance hearing his Rove,
:, ;.,t,oss th,,. rndo,v addrassad stonno,,.
-, -. 4i,at \, aud 90 Il. 49, /. 81
an 81. ~, 10 whom, vo,, ,,o Sno.L
ing in that ride way s7',7>,- &c..
!, tsNa 81 said the sheDhnYd 81 dinna ken