The Van Buren press., 1875-11-23
A Connubial Controversy.

"A Connubial Controversy.
The bolt on the back door had needed
replacing for long time, but it was only
the other night that Mr.. Throcton had the
presence of mind to buy new one and
take it home. After supper he hunted up
his tools, removed the old bolt, and meas
. ured the location for the new one He
must bore some new holes, and Mrs
Throeton heard hin roaming around the
kitchen and woodshed, slammng doors,
pulling out drawers, and kicking the fur
niture around She went to the head Of
the stairs and called down:
Richard, do you want ANYTHING ?"
Yes, do he yelled back Il want
to know where in Texas that corkscrew
is?'
Corksercw, Richard p
Yes, corkscrcw Richard I've looked
the house over and can't find it,"
WHY, we.never bad one, Richard -
- Didn't, eh We've had dozen of 'em
in the last two years, and l bought one
not four weeks ago It's always the way
Which, | want anything
But you must be out Of your head,
husband" she said, as she descended the
Stairs. We've kept house seven years,
and never remember of seeing you bring
corkserew home"
80, yes, I'm out of my head, am -
he grumbled, as he pulled out the sewing
machine, drawer and turned over its con.
tents,
''sPerhaps I'd bctteyago to the lunatic
asylum right away"
Well Richard, know that | have
never seen corkscrew IN tbs house"
Then you are rs blind as an owl in
daylight, for I've bought five or six The
house is always upside down, anyho ".
and never can find anything!"
"Thc house is kept as well as any of
your folks can keep one!' she retorted.
growing rcasilrthe face .Es-@
I'D like my mother here to show YOU
few things he said,'a as he stretched his
neck to look on the high shelf in the pan
try.
:. Perhaps she'd boil her spcctaclos
with the potatoes again!' answered the
do you know who you arc talking
to y he yelled,as lie jumped down.
"Yes, do"
"Wcll, you'll be going for York State,
If you don't look out y
I'D like 20 see myself! When l go
this house goes!'
Look out, Nancyr'
I'm afraid of no man that lives
Richard Throcton !"
!" I'll leave you! r.
tsApA vi louub to ,,,>
Going close up to her he extended his
finger, shook it to emphasize his words,
and slowly said:
Nancy Throcton III apply for a
divorce to morrow I'll tell the Judge that
l kindly and lovingly asked you where
the gimlet was, and you said we'd never
had one in the house, which is bare
falsehood, as can provem
Ginlctl" she gasped
Yes, gimlctr'
"Why, know where there are three
or four You said corkscrew ~
Did l y he gasped. sitting down on
the corner of the table; well, now, ]
believe did !"
And you went and abused me like 8
slave because wouldn't say gimlet was
corkscrew !" she obbed, falling on the
lounge.
Nancy" he said, tenderly lifting hel
!" Oh, Richard y she chokiusly answer
kill myselft
No, you needn't-I love you still
only-only-you know gimlet is not :
corkscrew !'
1t amt it amt, Nancy; forgimmC
and less be happy"
Ard that household is so quietly happy
that canary bird would sing its head
of if hung mp in the hail. Detroit Free
Press. -
Nor AFRAID OF THE DRvIL-A color.
ed man named Nelspnsis owing butcher
on Beaubieu street five or six dollars
and after trying in vain to collect the mon
ey, the butcher and friend put their
heads together the other night and laid 6
plan. About midnight they called al
Nelson's house, and he was awakened by
rap on the window.
"Who's dar p he called out.
The Deyil.' solemnly replied the
butcher. 4ia. liiis ehs5 tVt III
"You is, hey p
Yes. | want your
"What fur1'
You refuse to pay your butcher, ant
am semitic take you to the bottomles.
pit.'
..Iou is ?"
81 am Come forth at once -
lie comm y replied the negro as h,
jumped out Of he'd " l can't pay dat 81,
dollars half as easy in any odde way, an
de old woman is SO mighty cross izc glat
to get away from home"
The butcher and his friend didn't wal
for Mr.. Nelson to come out.
Beyond any sort of doubt, seed
soaked in weak camnhor water will