Dodgeville chronicle. [volume] (Dodgeville, Wis.) 1862-current, 1875-05-28
HOW L BECAME A BILLIONAIRE.

THAT LnlS WOTlu Is Uut " uCCblug SHOW is
apparent to the most obtuse observer. 1t
is equally apparent that he who gets the
most out Of lile's circus, who sees the
entire hippodrome, must have money.
Oh, money! money! money! The good
god-the omnipotent god of this world.
The pretty golden god that buys your
bread and potatoes Sbeer and parsnips
buys your hat and coat; buys your way
into good society; buys you pretty
wife; buys the preachers smile; buys
you seat in the Senate; and when you
die buys you half dozen first class ob1t-
uary eulogies; buys you splendid maui
soleum, prominent place in history, and
finally sends your soul to realms celestial.
What power this golden god has! What
a perfect enchanter he is! He can make
an ugly man pretty;an insignificant cuss
noble and commanding; mean man
Christian and philanthropist; fop an
Adonis; woman repulsive as mud
fence as beautiful as the bird of para
disc; and an arrant fool wiser than the
seven sages of Greece. / have known a
man who had not the good common
sense of the average tomtit whose society
was courted and advice sought on all oc-
casIons for the sole reason that he was
Office musing upon the subject of wealth
and the unequal distribution of property
in this world. In my meditations this
question kept forcing itself upon my
mind: Why is it that man is sent into
this world without previous consultation
or arrangement, and at the very begin
ming of life is informed that he must get
money, money, money-must root hog
80 II ,Ato ln nm al
Yet know that | have been insulted
and humiliated with such q statement
many times. Why, also asked myself,
is it that can't enjoy all that is beauti-
full and glorious in this world without
having money, money, money? / couldn't
tell why it was-thought it might be
owing to an artificial state of things; but
it was PLAIN to me that l couldn't.
While pondering on. these matters I
suddenly resolved that / would have
money, since it was SO necessary, and
said to myself: am going to have
wealth; yes, [ am determined to have
wealth; yes, | shrieked, will have vast
wealth; | will be as rich as Cr9sus.
How shall / attain it? Shall [ rob Ma
tional Bank? No. Shall / induce some
rich man to call me liar and thief and
perjured villain and sue him for slam
der and recover large verdict? No.
Will get rich honestly. | will do it in
this way, and / fell TO soliloquizing in
this manner: | have watch worth fifty
dollars. will trade that watch for a
horse. l shall make good trade. The
horse | will exchange for q yoke of oxen.
| will fatten the oxen and get them IN
very nice order, and sell them for Christ
mas beef for $400. 1 will invest that sum
in mess pork and it will rise in an un-
precedented manner, and l will convert
my $400 into ST 200. With this sum
will proceed to France l will go into
the country about Rouen and buy twelve
Norman stations. In crossing the ocean
one of them will die, but will dispose
of the others in very advantageous
manner, and realize $11 900 on that
transaction. will then go to my neigh
Dor, Mr.. Fenton, and | will say to him
g Mr.. Fenton, | have been extremely for
tunate with my Norman stations. |
have made q large sum OF money.
desire TO buy your section OF land.
will give you $11, ,000." He will say: 1t is
a fine piece of land, but believe willac-
cept your proposition" and he will imme-
diately make me deed. Next day he
will come to me and say he is sick of the
sale and will offer me $4,000 for the
farm. / will greedily accept his
offer and give him back his farm
/ will invest my $685. 600 in Cash
mere goats and make an enormous
profit on them. When / dispose OF my
goats / will be worth $4,000. will then
commence shaving good notes, and the
community will soon be startled with m ths
intelligence that l am worth $1OOi 1000
About this time / will be elected PreSl
| dent of Historical Society. will take
| this 800, 900 and so to a sparsely-settlee
| country and buy large amount OF land
| / will lay out a town on the land an0
| call it Nineveh, because Jonah was three
| days in the whales belly. | will sell 9
| great many town lots, aand will JUDI
| ciously offer the Pilgrims Progress
bound in. Turkey as a prize to anyone
| buying two lots the town will build NJ
/ very rapidly and will become a railroad
/ junction; the railroads will make my
land very valuable, and l will sell IL IL
small tracts to poor men, giving them
bond for deed, providing for a forfeit
ure on the slightest failure on their part
i Twill sell out all my land and town lots
finally, and / will be worth half a mill
ion. / viii then be elected to the State
Senate, and will be Chairman of the Ju
dietary Committee, also OF the Commit
tee on Education and Federal Relations
| About this time will buy township 0
land, and will give employment TO 1,00'
hands. Of course | will build an elegan