The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-04-01
ACONrEDERATE FALSTAFF.
A. aold by . Candidate for .
Guhermalural Nomination -
an AseOnIshe0 Voter.

\
"You see, l Was gettin' rusty, and
wanted sharp work. ] intercepted .
dispatch from General Burbridge to
General Giltner, saying that he in
tended to attack and destroy the
saltworks October 10, and gave the
number Of his men ~ 10000.
Dash it to dash, that was the best
aews ever heard. had only $50
men-all the balance of on furlough
-bu, they were regular rippsrs, you
can bet yur bottom dollar.
| ordered dress parade, and read
the dispatch to them. l then msde
a dash Of = speech, and . regular
heart -stirrer, od-boilcr, such -
nobody outside of dash dash but me
can make, and told them the dashed
Yankees we're coming, and that dash
would probably be to pay. | spun
to them whole dashed lot Of elo-
quent stuff about Leonidas and his
Spartan band at the Pass Of Trigo-
nometry. / told them that the eyes
Of their mothers, wives and sweet
hearts were upon them, that the fate
of the Southern Confederacy would
hang upon their gallantry that day.
For. you sec, | knew that old Lee
had got himself cornered in way hs
could not get out of short of . sur.
render. | knew that dashed fool
Hood had got t'o:her army destroyed,
and was conscious that the whole
dashed fabric rested on my shoulders.
The boys were just - Wild for the
fight q was.
Well, the morning Of the 10th Of
October, 1854, which my own good
sword has cut from the calandar ol
ordinary days and pinned upon the
scroll Of fame - the epooh Of the
grandcst victory known in the history
OF arms, arrived, and 80 did Bur.
bridge and his 10000.
They hadn't more than got in sight
till my dashed braves were spelling
to begin the battle.
But, you see, there must b sys-
tema,ic work on such occasions, and
am told dash of military genius.
l told 'em to wait until the dashed
Yankee had made his dispositions,
and then We would 60 in and whip
dash out of them by detail.
Burbridge was not backward in
taking up his positions. He posted
$4,000 infantry upon some rising
ground on his right. He then put
5000 infantry in position on his
left, and held back a. . reserve force
35. 600 more Of infantry and $4,000
calvary. Besides these he had $40
pieces of artillery.
You may we'll look astonished, my
honest friend. Things wore dashed
bilious look. But then each of my
men was equal to . thousand Yam
KEGS. And they knew that l was
there to head 'em. II Bob Lee had
been in my place, he would have re-
treated on Richmond; but dash my
soul to dash if there is suoh . word
rs retreat in my military dictionary.
When / saw that the dashed YAM
kee had made al Of his dispositions,
turned to my braves and shouted !:
Boys, follow mel and charged up
on the enemy's right, and before
Burbridge could realize what was
up to, had routed it entirely and
| captured $4,000 prisoners and 81
guns, leaving $4,000 Yankees dead
as dash on that portion Of 6eld. l
then charged his center and reserve,
and soon had them flying in every
direction. Here ! captured nearly
| 1000 prisoners and IT'S cannon. It
| was then that l discovered that the
enemy's left, shaving witnessed the
destruction of their right and center,
had fed from the field and were out
of reach, leaving al their artillery be-
hind them, amounting in oil to 245
pieces. l had the dead Yrnkees
counted to Just $4,000. Next morn
ing l started the $4,000 prisoners
and wounded, and $40 guns / had
captured, to John c. Breckiridge
who was Seo'v of War.
That, sir, is the exact truth about
the battle Of Saltville. 1t was the
greatest battle ever fought on the
top of the earth. Julius Cesar was
the only General who ever captured
at ono time as many prisoners ~ |
did. l am . candidate for Govsrnor
and if you can 6nd better General,
and one that has wen more fame
than me, vote for him. But I'm
dashed if you won't have = hard
time soaring such man up. Lets
take drink, cid fellow" w."-Harverd
(Ky.) Herald.
The reports by the Examiners
show . very novel and unusual CON-