The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1875-02-15
Josh BilIings-ShOrt Answers 10 Long
Letters.

Josh BilIings-Short Answers 10 Long
Lessers.
Dear DIorsc,-In case Nv doubt ask yure
wife When the sun shines witnmin are but
terf1ys. and luv to bask in its rays, but when
the dark hours cum, and ever hope begins
10 look over its shoulders, ask yurc wife
about it, and she will lift the cloud and show
YOU The silver lining.
Dear Brinsmadc,-I luv babys. / luv
them becauZe they are aktually necessary
i luz them brkauze they won't lie; luv
them bnkauZc they may be the next prcs-
dent; i luz them bekauz" i had them; j luy
the N bekauze they arc sort Of he'd lights Oh
the dark pathway oV life TO $40 Us that We
are on the right road. and bow fur we hav
cot; Inv them bckausc was baby once
myself. aud sllmboddy lived me.
Dear Metcalf, II am a rank unbcleaver-
| don't believe in ghosts nor Spiritualism-i
don't beeave in quack pills nor w!mmns
rites conyenshurs--i don't bcleave in pray
ing politicians nor hoss-trottipg deakons-
don't beeavc in whisky az a toDik nor re-
ligion as q tratlik--i don't behave in morality
that will seek tempaShuD. or that liz a!rade
to face it when it kant dodge good. be-
leave in only one wife, one dog, and one
friend, with few cheerful acquaintances
thrown in TO make up the assortment.
Dear Faukncr,-Dogs are the only spec.
men of the brute perswaShun who have to
belong TO sumbody. If they have master
they are proud and happy, and it makes no
difference to them whether they belong 10 a
king or q pauper. A dog who don't belong
to emmy body is az lonesum and hopeless az a
lost goose. They never become Migrants hi
choice, and will stick to man, and fife for
him too, after every other friend has desert
ed him. This flkt alone makes human be-
ing noble, and it ought, at least, to make
dog respectable. l hay known riich PEG.
ole TO lose dog, and hav to advertise for
him, and Civ 10 dollars to git him bak, but
never kuu a beggar to hav to do it. 1t IL az
hard for beggar to git rid oy bis dog as it
IL for the dog to git rid of hiz fleas.
Dear Scynour,-The CRATE trubble with
most ov the literary people nowadays IL they
read too mulch and think too little. They
kan tell yu the title of every book that laz
been published for the last fifteen years, and
this IL about all they kan tell yu about the
book. When person haZ got so full ov
book-rcading that he haz got to spill sum be-
fore he kan take in emmy more he IL loaded
too heavy. These kind of pholkS are like a
man who haZ ct too mulch pumkin pi, too
full ov pi. Too little farming seems 10 make
a man kno too little. Wisdum liz far better
than farming, but to be VIE man las got
to be born with the diSseaze in his natur,
and thar aint but phew ov this sort; but
farming kan be had cnnywherc hi the pound.
Dear Smotlett,- Old age, we hay been
told, IL venerable, but | hay often nolissed
that it waz more venerable for years than for
ennythiug else. Thare IL more people who
hay lived too long for their own good, and
for other peoples too, than thare haz died
too soon. | hay known persons who were
venerable at thirty, and hay known SHORES
who were merely old refugees at eighty.
The color ov mans deeds make him yene-
rable, not the color ov his hair.
Dear DulIinghan,-Th man who thinks
he luvs everything and everybody is a
phool, and he kant prove TO the contrary.
Yung puppys luv everybody, and are kikt
by every boldly for it. l luy good, sharp
hater, but want him to civ good reazons
for it. hav seen people who thought they
hated everybody, but the fakt was they
only hated themselfs. Hate often changes
into respekt, and luv az often changes into
disgust.
Dear rockingham, Too mulch ov emmy
thing liz bad and risky, whether it IL meaZes,
mummy or muSketoes. Too mulch mummy
kreates thirst for more and fear ov loseing
What we hay got. ThoZe who luy mummy
for what il will buy are quite sensible folks,
and thoZe who luv it for the good they kan
do with it are heroes. When mummy in.
krcaSeS mans rirtewS it shows its grate>t
power. The luv of mummy drives everything
out 0v the heart but pride and SeiisnnesS,
and the person in whom thcze two traits
predominant IL about az filthy as he kan be.
Dear SpjgLolt, The luv ov fame is the
ruling pashun, and no man who Waz Of emmy
ackount at all haz ever lived yet who didn't |
think he was famous for sumthing. 4 man
will do for fame what he won't do for God
or man. But fame liz hard master to work
for. Fame haz no eieht-hour rcgulaShun,
and when man fails to get it he haint got
emmy thing to fall bak upon. Every boldly |
latfs at him who works for fame and don't
git il; but the wust Of all liz the poor
devil despiZes himself Ii man haZ
made up hiZ mind TO work for fame,
perhaps the best way IL to work for mummy
at the same time, and be sure 10 get II, too
ard then il he fails in the glory bzznesS he
kan arti>ktikally place hiz thum on the end
oy hiz nose, and lean bak in hiz rocking
chair, aud twiddle hiz fingers at the world.
1t IL hily natral to work for fame, but it Amt
smart to git beat out ov it and
everything else at the same time. For mi
part, would az soon undertake to liy on
one ov mi wife's unkles as to liv on fame
alone.
Dear Bostwick, -Amung the refined cir
kles, or cuuy other cirkle, when yu see man
or woman who IL eazy to pleaZe, and apX.
iouS, too, yu kan put that party down for il
gentleman or lady. The snobs, the Hitter.
ate, and all the vulgar crew, ov every name
aEa nature, ale hard to pleaze, and they think
this IL The surest mark ov geutility. The
truly gentecl are pleazed with everything !
:hat IL not immoral, or they make yu think
so. Menuy people think that If they are at !
the hight of fashion they are safe and gen. |
leei, but fashion turns out az menny poor |
Jobs az ennything | kno oy. 1t il just az
eaZy to detekt q countertt gentleman az it liz |
4 bogus huff. dollar. Peuter will tell Mem