The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-01-13
GOSSIP.
Turkeys hot and turkeys cold:

Turkeys young and turkeys old:
Turkeys tender and turkeys tough;
We thank the Lord. we've had enou gh.
A good-natured man Will put up with
most anything short OF lining his wig
with a mustard plaster.
Nurse to doting papa: "Some says she's
like Ter Mar, and some 'er Par. But say
she's the himage of both 'er Offspringw
Z. A Cumminsvllle widower prefers liv-
ing near .saw-mill, as, he says, the
sound puts him IN mind OF his lost wife.
A Mt. Auburn girl says the one. great
wish of her heart is, that she may live to
see what will be the fashions in bonnets
in 1900.
Woman was built after all other things
not, she would have insisted on giving
her orders as to the rest of the job.
The prudent husband hides his wallet
out doors, and when his vile rises in the
dead Of night to extract dollar bill from
the aforesaid wallet she finds it not.
A grown-up young lady OF Minnesota,
who ought to have entertained q higher
opinion of tilial duty, has had the author
Of her being arrested and fined $12 % for
spanking her.
"Do you appear for the defendant?"
said the judge to lawyer at the trial OF
an innocent man. "No, sir" said the
prisoners counsel, che is engaged for
the persecution"
A rather thick-headed witness in the
Police Court was asked the question
whether so-and-so stood on the defens-
I've. "No, sir" he innocently replied,
che stood on BENCH"
A young lady over in Dayton mittened
her ''feller" a few evenings ago, and on
the next day was somewhat surprised to
receive from him a bill of twenty live
cents for peanuts furnished her the last
time they rode out together.
Speaking of his lameness Jones said:
sit was not orange-peel with me either,
but an impression that the sawdust on
the steps would save me on the side
walkl Not being quite killed, l only
looked around to see whether any one
saw me, and then arose and skunk
away"
Said he: "Irs all nonsense to make %
much fuss about these iron coal-hole COW
ers. If you just go on boldly and pay
no attention you might walk over forty
and not fall. Now T." 1t took SO long
to brush the mud and slush of that he
lost the thread OF his remarks.
A Memphis young woman offered tC
darn the stockings of q city editor by
"weaving among the meshes golden
strands Of her own auburn curls." Ir
her secret soul she meant to use her OLD
curls, that had gone out of style, but the
editor was an innocent youth, and die
not know the guile of woman.
| 10 was out, yesterday forenoon, for his
| walk, and happened to see some ladies
of his acquaintance in window. He
looked up and bowed very pleasantly and
sat down on the sidewalk in a manner
that astonished his suspenders. He
spent the afternoon in examining the
special statutes and repairing the
| breaches.
They wanted King Kalakaua to gt
over into Brooklyn when he was in New
York; but he said that he had reputa
tion to sustain that was worth consider
ably more to him than rubies; besides, /
Mrs. Kalakaua should hear of it, ht
would be obliged to purchase wig OF
have his head blistered by the tropica
sun OF his island home.
II hate" said French priest, "to con.
| fess an Irishman, tor there are four ques.
tions always have TO ask before l Car
get at the sins: - care you married OF
single2" ayes, sir" "Are you married
or singler "No, sir" care you mar
ried or singlew Yes sir" Are you q
married man?" "No, sir"
There is nothing so refreshing and
souLsatisfying in this cold, wicked
| world as the spectacle of a grateful wo
man. After she has knocked you down
and pounded you over the head five OF
six minutes with a rolling pin, and you
get up and say you are sorry, and Will.
| ing to beg her pardon, the look of graft.
tude that Eliminates her heavenly coun-
| tenance will do all but pay the Doctors
bill.
A queer old fellow wanted room al
hotel the other evening, and, having
obtained the key of the same. threw down
| quarter of dollar on the desk to pay
for his lodging, and was walking away,
when tho clerk reminded him that it was
only half enough. "Why, that's all
right,v said the antique stranger; you
see don't expect to sleep only halt the
time."
"Are you going after that sugarp'
called an Urbanna mother to her boy, who
was in the street. ''Am going after
that sugarW drawled the youth in 9
saucy and impudent tone; but just then
he happened to see his father coming up
behind him, and he said very respect
fully and Lovingly, "Why, Of course
am, MAJ didn't know you needed il
right away"
An Irishmen on arriving in America,
| took a fancy to the Yankee girls, and
wrote to his wife as follows: "Deal
| Norah: These melancholy lines are. tC
inform you that l died yesterday, and
hope you are enjoying the same bless
ing. recommend you to marry Jimmy
| O'Rourke and take good care of the
children. From your ateotionate hus
band till DEATH"
| A Hadley, Mass; lady recently had 9
number of boarders who where employed
upon a mill dam near by. Desiring 9
visit from friend, she mailed her invita-
ton, but added, to the inexpressiblt
horror of her friend, who knew nothing
| of her boarders, that she would prefer
her company when the ''dam men" were
away. They tried to keep the story quie
but it would come out.
| A bootblack was standing near tht
Courthouse. lately, when stranger in
quired: "Bub, is it fur from here to thu
Postofice?v The boy looked at him ii
contempt, and the man asked; "Say
bub, is it fur to the City HaIl?" Tht
boys look of disgust increased, but ht
kept silence, ana the man raised hi.
voice and shouted: "You boy--is it fu
to the City HALF" "Fur-fur to the Cil,
Hallw echoed the boy. 'If you want m'
! to talk to you you'd better use decen
grammar or say you never went to schoo
ut ALP
A gentlemanin in Des Moines owns yerl
| inlpllirpnt little dor which hp has train