The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-06-10
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WHOLE NO. 1854.
Miscellaneous.


natural revolutionist-the earth.
An affecting sight-barrels in tiers.
The sun says, with lisp, II thaw it.
Something that ought to be put down
carpets.
Don't imagine that you were born to
reform the world. You can't split a
mountain with toothpick.
Mark Twain denies that his "Gilded
Age was failure. He says it gave poor,
worthy bookbinder job.
Don't locate your grandfather "in the
front rank in the Concord and Lexing-
ton fight That was the one that re-
treated.
'Is that clock right over there p asked
visitor the other day Right over
there p said the boy, "'tain't nowhere
else
The crocus put its head out from un-
der the snow and said to its companion,
"you lilac everything if you say this is
spring"
The latest addition to the umbrella is
a pane of glass, inserted in the front
breadth. through which the holder can
see his way.
A bashful compositor refused to accept
situation in an Office where girls were
employed, saying he never set up with a
girl in his life.
What is the difference between the
Emperor Williams chronometer and a
bill poster? One is Bills ticker and the
other bill-sticker.
The greatest feat of eating ever re-
corded is told of man who commenced
by boiling door, after which he threw
up a window, and swallowed a whole
story.
A man is said to be absent minded
when he thinks he has left his watch at
home and takes his watch out of his
pocket to see if he has time to return
home and get it.
A Brown county editor bought his ink
by the jug full, because he could get it
cheaper, but his wife went to fill the ink
stand one morning and found it wasn't
ink by a jugfull.
A certain Western editor who was pre-
sented with box of collars in pay for an
advertisement, is waiting in daily expec-
tation that some one will present him
with shirt.
The saddest thing in life is the specta-
CIS dllOIoSO ny d young person. w uO ldS
burnt all her hair off her forehead with
hot slate pencil, and cannot afford to
buy row of curls
John, John, wake up, there's bur
glar in the house. said his wife. John
sat upright in bed. Burglar, BURGLAR"
and he rolled over waiting for a harder
word.
No man has reached SO high position
on the New York Tribune staff as Thos
Weeks, who scaled it (257 feet) to adjust
the vane. Vain men always spire to
places they cannot keep.
That was shrewd method which an
Iowa girl recently adopted to induce all
her friends to attend her wedding. She
didn t let them know up to the last mo-
ment who the groom was to be.
country editor cannot be as bold and
| independent in his paper as his city
brother. He has to collect his own sub
scription, and almost everybody in the
country keeps dog.-Danbury Nea0s.
1t was an Irish Coroner who, when
asked how he accounted for an extraor-
dinary mortality in Limerick, replied
! sadly: II cannot tell. There are people
dying this year who never died before"
The son of clergyman was delivering
college valedictory, when, in pulling
out his handkerchief, he pulled out
pack of cards. "Hulloap he exclaimed,
"Tve got on my fathers coatl
Take life easy, and don't always be try
ing to beat the sun up, says an exchange.
You may win for while, but in the long
run you are sure to be beaten, and some
morning it will rise when you don't
Augustus, dear" said she, tenderly
pushing him from her as the moonlight
! flooded the bay-window where they were
| standing I think you had better try
some other hairdye;. your moustache
tastes like turpentine."
The Newport (Rhode Island) News
warns its friends outside the State that
we will not tamely submit to irreverent
remarks about our size, for we are large
enough to boast of two capitals and four
candidates for Governor"
Visitor: "Well, Mrs Flanagan, what
did the doctor say about your poor hus-
bands deafness p Mrs. F.: "Bedad,
Miss, the doctor says Tim will never hear
again; but (whispers) please don't speak
loud; it might make him depressed
| loike."
A friend lately called upon the histo-
rian, Runke in Berlin, and observed:
| We'll, Professor, L suppose you work as
hard as ever in your old age "Yes,
replied the veteran, tenderly; "my wife
is dead now, you see, and have less an
noyance and can accomplish more"
A captain in the navy, on meeting
friend as he landed, boasted that he had
left his whole ships company the hap
piest fellows in the world. How so?'
| asked friend. "Why, have just fogged
seventeen, and they are happy it is over;
and all the rest are happy that they es-
capped.
There was women's rights meeting in
Colorado, recently, to which no gentle
men were admitted. Somebody, how
ever put live rat in the room from the
ceiling, and with hurried Resolved,
that we adjourn" and some shrieks and
confusion, the gathering scattered
| Rochester Democrat
A man will carry five hundred dollars
in his vest pocket, but woman needs
morocco portmonnaie as large as a fist,
and too heavy to carry in the pocket, to
| n EFtI, oanf