The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-02-24

imam, naQ SAT unmOVeQ tnrOuSn III all,
and bore me fainting to the house. Twas
very ill afterwards, and only recovered
to mourn the death of my kind uncle.
"'Through all this dark period Mr.. AS
colt was tireless as woman; and how
can forget the days of my GONZALES
cence, when his tender tones brought
back the life which valued SO lightly.
81 have said before that Hawkins AS
colt was not striking, not even stylish;
but he came wishin the shadow Of being
perfectly handsome.
s'The eyes at times had a sweet EXPIRE s.
sion, and the iair English moustache
strength and the tirmness which belongs
to manhood, was yet as lovely as a
woman's.
| 81 can not explain now, neither could
l satisfy myself then, why allowed my
self to be attracted; for I knew it was
an error of judgment. l felt it perver-
sion of taste; but even the strongest
women are only human, and his perth
nacity, his entire devotion, made me ig-
more his characteristics. l was weak
and suffering, sorrowing for the one
the devotion of his love; SO l trusted
him, giving him in return more-much
more than ne could appreciate. My
friends marvelled,my old lovers sneered,
but what was the world or its Judgment
| to mei cared only for the whispered
| vows that he gave me. L cravod only for
the passionate love which seemed all my
own. l was frightened at the intensity of
my own feelings, for loved him as an
| implusive, naughty woman only can.
"At times the shadows would gather
between us, for he was quick and J. was
exactlng. 1 could not help it; and
though would have died rather than
give him one moments pain, yet small
clouds would come, and even when dis
| sipated | suffered agony when L discov-
cred that his nature would not rise to
'sMoHths sped, and 1 still trusted him.
for l would as soon have doubted my
own honor as suspect him; when, on one
dark morning, l walked to find my for
tune gone. Olives wealth was safe, and
kneeling, thanked God for that mercy.
She was spending the summer with her
mothers relations in happy ignorance Of
my trouble, and / determined not to
shadow her brightness by any OF the de-
| tails.
"I was sitting at the low bay-window
in the summer twilight, watching and
waiting the one face which made my
happiness, and revolving plans for my
| future. Hawkins Ascot was poor, and
l was sufficiently practical to know that
a certain amount Of money is required
for support. When l had large income
l only thought of the future, in which it
was to be my happiness to surround him
with what l knew would constitute his
quiet satisfaction. If woman truly
loves, and fortune gives her the capital
of the partnership, she will never feel
her ownership; for, if she has given her.
self, she will not estimate her money as
more valuable. But now l must relin-
quish the bliss l mad looked forward to,
and assume new position-a 'nelp-
mate,' in truth. l am perfectly sincere
when L say that did not regret the loss
of fortune for any selfish considerations.
| was only selfish so far as the pleasure
of giving to one l loved was concerned.
81 can never forget that last night, for
a vague feeling of pain impressed me;
and though my heart bounded with hap
piness as l saw him come towards me,
yet even while his arms were around me,
and his kiss upon my lips, fancied that
there was an absence OF passionate i'm
pressment, and l was haunted by the
ghost of foreboding ill.
"'Not the ghost of a broken promise' Y
| l said aloud, and held him closer, while
| tried to read the truth from his eyes.
| "tYou are nervous, Kate,' he replied.
|
| Will l see you tomorrow night" l
asked.
"He smiled as he bowed in answer to
my quic eager question, and l sat at
| the low window watching him, till, in
| the darkness, he faded from my sight,
and then my heart seemed weighed with
a sorrow that knew no comfort.
"How 1 longed for the morrow that
would bring him again to me-that
could listen to the reassuring words thai
would dissipate all my doubts.
4 ssThrough the short summer night
tossed, waketul and restless, and in the
early dawn rose.
"Would the day never end, that the
blessed twilight might come again.
"And again l waited, counting the
sent who came not. Was he illp Had
any accident occurred? My pillow was
not even pressed that night, and L wait
ed and watched through the next, anC
the next: but l never saw him again Til
-, but Olive sent me letter before
she came. Scarcely legible were the few
lines, all blotted with her tears-and
read
"'My darling you will forgive me wher
l tell you that | have promised to bt
Hawkins Ascotts wifer"
sHad l not promised to guard her with
my life2 and, now-God help an(
strengthen me for the sacrifice!
II wrote only a line. to him, calml.
asking tor my picture; and L have neve
opened that casket till tonight.
81 had loved with my whole strength
!. and weak, dead to all honor, unworthy
as he had proved, loved him still.
:. 81 could stand unmoved near the al
tar, and hear him give away the vow
: which he had first sworn to me, because
the pride of my race nerved me; bu
when their carriage rolled away, | fel
as one dead across my own threshold
and for hours lay dumb with anguish.
.'Oive offered me home, but | knew
my duty. My own fortune was lost, ant
had right to no mans support. So
crushed down the old haughliness, ant
went out among the motley crowd, t.
battle for my bread.
"Through rain and storm, snow anC
ice, hurried to my classes, and oftcn--
| oh, so often lin the midst of lectures
when my pupils were absorbed in ac
t counts of empires and kingdoms past
of battles lost and struggles that ha
only ended in sorrow-the tide Of m
own past would surge over my heart, an
1 echoes from the long ago paaalysed ev