The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-02-19
GOSSIP.
GOSSIP.
Ont the wife Of McDufr,
She's tall and sne's tuf,
And she'll make IL rough
For Josephus McDuff.
u u UIIt -
MIR, and Mrs. McDuf.

AND Bnt'll make IL rough
For Josephus McDuf
BIr. and Mrs. MoDua.
''Do you like the piano" asked lady
of q Partisan wit. ~ prefer 1t to the
guillotine" was the reply.
A painted sign on an eating-house on
the New Jersey r.. II. reads: Coffee and
eggs fresh laid by Mary Jones.
A lady recently sent fur cape to a fur
establishment Tor some repairs. She ex-
planned her wishes in the following note: !:
IL want mi kape mendid whar the mioes
nored it in gud ship"
A teetotaier asked Pat the other day if
he ever saw teetotaler drunk. "OohW
replied Paddy, with great earnestness,
"Pve seen many man drunk, but !
couldn't tell whether he was a teetotaier
or not"
A lady reyivalist at Sacramento asked
earnestly poor exile of Erin whether
he did not wish to ''work Tor the Lord"
The irreyerent Hibernian answered,
''Bedad, don't; I'm oontint to work for
the railroad"
At u printers festival, lately, the fol-
lowing tcast was offered: "Woman--
Second only to the press in the dissemin-
ation OF newsp The ladies are yet un-
decided whether to regard this us COM
pliment or otherwise.
Sunday school teaeher-What do you
understand by Suffering for righteous
ness sakeW Boy promptly )-Practis-
ip hymns in the mornin', teacher, and
Sunday school lii the afternoon, and BIZ
bic class i'll the eyenin'.
Sunday school teacher to pupil: snow,
my little man, can you explain TO us the
cause OF Adams ialll" Little man Gem
phatioally) J: Yes, sir cause he hadn't
anysashes TO throw on the sidewalk"
1t is simply absurd to talk about Il wo.
man being quail tied to fill every position
i'll Lille tAat h man tiis. For instance,
| stove i'll country grocery and lie about
the number OF fishes she caught last sum-
mer!
A country newspaper tells this story
Of new boy i'll one OF the Sunday
| schools: "The precious youth was asked
who made the beautiful hills about them,
| ana replied that he did not know, as his
parents only moved into town the day
before."
| IL is pleasant to note the progress OF
refining influences and the Broadening
of social culture. Over the toilet appli-
anceS in u Boston WaSh-room is sign
bearing the words; "Don'r wipe your
nose on the towel"
This is the way an Irish town clerk in
Illinois enforces The dog law. Being re-
quireu to advertise in the local papers,
lie does it thus: Sail persons not having
licensed logs must call on the under
signed within thirty days and obtain
one."
A Kansas hypochondriac, meditating
upon the death OF dog-lancier in his
neighborhood, gives vent to this mourn
lul thought: "Our great men are peter
| ing out sort O. rapid like these times.
Whisky kills most on 'em; some tumbles
overheard, and 'casi0nally one gets
hung"
| A Poughkeepsie parent lately induced
q cr0upy youngster to make quite u
hearty meal of buckwheat cakes and
| ''maple molasses," but the latter proved
to be nice syrup OF squills. The boy said
he thought something allied the molasses
| the very minute his father told him to eat
all he wanted.
A boy who had servedin Sixth street
grocery store for two weeks came home
highly elated the other night, and told
his father he had been promoted. "How ~
| asked the old man. "Why, I've been
down cellar all the time sorting over DO.
| tatoes, and now they've raised me up
stairs to pick over beansw
| When Circleville boy is out until
| half-past ten o'clock in the evening, and
| the father says to him: "Boy, the first
| thing in the morning Pll settle this with
your that boy arises at daylight, seeks
the buck-saw and wood-pile, and he
| never let's up for moment until after
his father has eaten his breakfast and
left the house.
A. Lexington clergyman insists that he
saw snake forty feet long and as big
round as barrel of whiskey. A pretty
good sized insect thai. We have nc
doubt that he saw 1T, but he inquest tion-
ably saw the barrel Of whiskey before he
saw the snake. 1t seems more 'reasona-
BILE, somehow.
Ellis 'heart's twinp" exclaimed Mr..
Marrowfat, while reading the Beecher
scandal. sWhat in thunder's thati
There's Artaxerxes and BIZ sister, them's
twins, l know; but WHAT'S his 'hearl's
twinY" "Wel," responded Mrs. Mar.
rowfat, looking at him over her specta.
cles, IL shouldn't wonder bit if he
meant his liver"
Mr.. Maguffin braced himself against
| the boarding-h0use table and tried once
more to cut the steak. The edge of the
knife turned, but the meat showed nc
mark. Then he called the waiter. "Thom.
as, has tho cook used the ak much lately
to chop kindling wood on the callar-door
steps?' II don't know" said Thomas
"Why, sir?" "Because," said Mr.. Ma.
gutfin, "R it amt too dull I'd like to try
It on this steak"
Brevity being the soul OF wit, the cler.
gyman who transformed an old saw into
the following may be setdown solemnly
as the coffin thereof; You may kindly
guide the prancing steed to the crystal
brock which babbles down the hillside in
| the summer sun, but you can not coerce
him to stoop and slake his thirst in the
silvery stream if he be not willing to ac.
lcept your protfered. kindness.
| A Mt. Auburn gentleman walking be.
hind two school children the other day
heard the boy inquire, "Will you be at
the party to-nighIW ~ shall be there"
ans wered the miss, shut l may as well
tell you now that your love is hopeless.
Mamma is determined, father is set, and
it isn't right for me to encourage your
attention. / can be a sister to you, but
nothing more. Therefore you needn't
buy me any valentine or give me any
more gum.
"Hil Samuel, has you moved yit?" in
quired one colored man OF another whom
lie met at market yesterday. "No, Fse
stillin the old place." was the answer
I"But war told dat you war; gwine to
get out OBJ de neighborhood," continued
| tho first tsWall did make I'm nv mind