Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1875-09-24
Hmurorr,ss sAstebss.


He sat roasting his alternate sides in front
ola red hot saloon stove, amongst party
of fellows who were trying to out-lie each
other. 'Talkin' about lightnin,' said he,
Il reckon none o. you lazzaroni was ever
struck, was you? No. Well, j was. Yes
YOU see, was out shootin' prairie chickens
in Eelinoy, last August, and there came
up the awfulest thunder storm i ever seen
in the whole course o. my life. 1t rained
cats and dogs, and thunder rolled, and
forked lightnin' daried all over the sky.
The fiery tongues. L got bahind hay
stack that sort o. leaned over 10 the south,
au, the first thing i knowed the lightnin'
struck that an seti oftire. Then moved
toa walnut tree that stood near an double
jiuied bolt ripped that into splniers. Then
1 moved 10 another tree, an the lighinin'
struck it. Then began to think it meant
me, an, so Jest walked out, bumped my
self up, an took three or four OF the loud
est claps / ever heard. IL shus uie up
right peart, but beyond riplen the coat
often my back, an splittin' o. nv boots
from top to toe, it didn't do me no particu-
lar damage. But you didn't catch old Jim
around huntin' row o. that kind ag'in.'
The discomftted listeners in the same line
of oratory looked curiously into each others
faces for moment, and then one by one
silently arose and sneaked out, leaving
Il Il, . 81. G.iH HuaH
ford Post.
At Frankford tavern, many years ago
there once stopped party of wits. When
the feast was over, one OF the members
called in the hostess. Madam he said,
Il am going to give you lesson in astron-
omy. Have you not heard of the great
Platonic year. when everything must re-
furn TO its former condition Know, then
that in two thousand years we shall be
here again on tie same day and at the
same hour. Will you give us credit then
The hostess, however, had her reply. L
am perfectly willing,' retorted Mrs. r.,
but it is just two thousand years since you
were here before, and you left without pay
ing settle the old score and l viii trust
you on the new.'
The model husband lives in Strasburg,
Lancaster county. He never allows his
wife TO do more than half the work. She
puts up all the canned fruit in the summer,
and he puts il down in the winter.
This is Georgia boys composition on
the pig: The pig is about as big as sheep,
only the pigs wool isn't good for making
stockings Of Why is pig like tree /?
Because he roots that is a conundrum.
A pig washes himself in the mud. A pig
has four legs, one under each corner of his
body. They pickle pigs feet, but not un-
till after the pig is done using 'em. A pig
squeals awful when it rains, also when you
pull its tail. A pig has got firstrate voice
for squealing, and he grunts when he feels
good. You can't make a whistle of pigs
tail, 'cos it is crooked. Why Is pig like
Tommy Grant? Cos he's got his nose in
everybody's business. This is another
conundrum, which is all know about the
pig
4 citizen of Vicksburg who wanted a
few hours work done about his yard the
other day accosted colored man and in-
quired il he would like the job,
I'D like 10 do it, but / haven't time, =
was the answer.
why, you don't seem to be doing any,
thing
Il don't eh Well, now, I'm gwine
fishin' to-day. Tomorrow I'ze gwine over
de river. Next dey I'ze swine huntin'! !!
Next dey I'ze got 20 get my buteo fixed.
Next dey I'ze gwine to mend de table, and
de Lawd only knows how I'ze gwine TO g;t
frew de week. unless l hire man TO help
me p Ticksturg Herald.
An old fellow prowling through an alley,
came upon lot of half-decayed oranges,
which had just been thrown out. He was
sorting them over, when boy came along
and taking in the situation in an instant,
he shouted, 'Them's put their to pizen
'em you're dead man y The old fellow
moved off, and the boy sat down and stuffed
himself until he was orange-colored clear
round behind his ears.
Not long ago. at mansion on Murray
Hill, sentimental young lady strolled
with gentleman on whom she had her eye,
into the conservatory. Looking up pen
sively into his face, she said, with tears in
her yoice-'Ah, no one loves me, Mr..
Barnesl Some one does = Yes !, said
the lady dropping her head, and pressing
his arm ever so little. Yes, Nellie said
the wretch. God loves you.'
A woman will reach up and pull at
window-sash for few seconds quite good
naturedly, but when il doesn't come down,
and she turns around and sees her hus-
band looking comfortably on, she mentally
asks herself-'ls civilization a failure p
and wades for him.
A very tall and shabby-looking man, af-
fer having glass of liquor, asked the bar
tender if he could change 500 bill. The
gentleman informed him that be could.
WELL said the tall one with a sigh Of sat
isfaction, IN go out and see if can find
one.'
Rural observer 10 the manager of the
pile driver-'Look a'here, stranger, if yer
want ter hist that air chunk o. iron more'n
about so high, We better git rid o. that cuss
up there in yer scatful. He's the feller rs
playing roots on ye.'
A farmer saw an advertised recipe to
prevent wells and cisterns from freezing
lie sent his money, and received the an
swer Take in your well or cistern on cold
nights, and keep it by the fire.
When young man goes so persistently
TO see his girl that his boots know the road
so well that he has 70 harrow another nair