Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-03-05

Silence is the fittest reply to folly.

A "put up job'-Bunker Hill Monu-
ment.
A good kick out Of doors is better than
rich uncle.
Get atop of your troubles, and then they
are half cured.
Keep thy heart and then it will be easy
to keep thy tongue.
We can do more good by being good
than in any other way.
Why is mouse like a Ioad OF hay?
Because the catll eat it.
Never seek to obtain an article from an
other for less than its value.
Why is the letter like squallins ba-
by. Because it makes MA mad.
Why is the letter y like young spend
thrift. Because it makes pa pay
STAY not until you are told # opportun-
| tiles to do good, but inquire after them.
Treat servants as you would like TO be
treated yourself, were you in their place.
A wise man may keep his own counsel;
consequently lie has no jobs for strange
lawyers.
Have the courage to tell man why you
refuse him credit, and why you will not
1 lend him your money.
A man may grow to weigh d ton
! Who feasts his mind with pungent fun;
But he who scorns its simple sway
/ Oft yields 10 crime an easy prey.
The highest prize in a Chinese lottery Is
/ twenty nine cents, but the swearingls just
/ as exurbent as at the Kentucky fifth and
/ last
They pass best over the world" said
Queen Elizabeth, who trip over it quick
/ ly; for it is but bog-if We stop, We
sink"
/ A youth who wears the latest style Of
sleeve-studs, cannot be expected to bring
up 81 uttle of coal while his mother is
around.
/ Says an exchange, it is remarkable with
I what exact precision the division line Can
+ be marked with snow shovel between
/ two adjacent lots.
! Didn't you guarantee, sir, that that
horse wouldn't shy before the fire OF an
enemy:" mo more he won't. Tisn't till
after the fire that he SHES"
! There's where man has the advantage.
| He can undress in cold room and have
his bed warm before a woman has got her
! hairpins out and her shoes united.
MY landlady," said man, "makes
her tea so strong that it breaks the cups"
And mine," said another, makes hers
so weak that il can't run out OF the poi"
I Said Kate to her new husband, "Jonn.
What rock does true love split upon"
Quoth John, and grinncd from ear 10 ear.
THE rock of yonder cradle, DEAR
Mrs. Partington, noticing the death Of
Mr.. Ryan, the well-known inventor, is ex-
tremely anxious TO know if he is the
same person who invented Ryan Pep
per.
An agricultural paper says that kind
words will keep COW from kicking, but
many prefer the old way of mauling her
with fence rail until her heart is bro
ken.
An orator lately said to his audience. II
am speaking for the benefit of posterity."
when some one shouted, Yes, and if pou
don't get through pretty soon they'll be
here"
A man in Floyd county has invented
| railroad snow-plow that lifts drift as big
as an iceberg, throws it over the top Of u
hill, then spits ON its hands and tackles
the hill
Josh Billings says: Yu kant find con-
tentment laid down on the map, it is an
imaginary place not settled yet; and those
reach it soonest who throw away their
compass and go it blind.
A woman of the world was once heard
to say: The estate of widowhood is in
convenient, for one must have all the
modesty of young girl without being
able to feign her ignorance.
Tie report Of wedding in Kentucky
concludes in this wise: The bride was
far from being handsome, but her father
threw in a span Of horses and seven
mules, and the bridegroom was satisfied"
An Illinois debater won big victory
for the affirmative when he arose and
said: "Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Water
loo was the biggest kind of fight;-
but Washington, he whipped 'em like
wink"
On retiring from business wise old
man said to his son and successor: Now,
my boy, remember that common sense is
the best thing that you can bring to
bear on every affair Of life except love-
making"
An old lady who owned land along the
line of a railroad, refused the right-of-way
because she had "hearn tell that these rail-
roads always brought small pox and spot
ted fever. an she was afserd of these
ketchin' sicknesses."
A lady writes to ask the origin of the
phrase--"The army swore terribly at
Flanders" and what occasioned the pro-
fanitys Mr.. Flanders was sutler, and
his prices and general disregard for all
the rules of trade so incensed the army
that it cussed him with all its strength.
IL am self-made man." said native
of Stonington, the other day, to New
York gentleman. with whom lie had been
driving sharp bargain. Glad to hear
yoa say So" responded the New Yorker,
who had been worsted in the trade, "fOr
it relieves the Lord of great response
bility."
Some parties are discussing the desira-
bleness of teaching children to use both
hands alike Before urging this ambi.
dextral Improvement, had We not better
wait until the country gets itself out of
the stealing period little. One hand is
quite enough to be employed in reaching
things"
A Montana paper thinks there is an
awful fuss being made over Beecher's
trial. Why" it says, right out here is
Bill Casey. He went into family, mar.
ried one girl, spoilt 'nuther, and has run
away with the third; and yet there is no
trial, no statements, no nothing-only just
the old man with rifle, looking around
after Bill
Now, young people" said a professor
of natural history to his class, now then
as to hens A hen has the capacity Of
laying just six hundred eggs and no more;
and she finishes the job in just about five
years Now, what is to he done with her
after that?" "Cut off her head and sell her
for spring chicken" exclaimed an urchin
whose father dealt in poultry.
At Washington reception the other