The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1875-05-15

4luhE w M TsN -h'iiisN's INV W
the negro whitcwashers was sent by
a Joker to city official TO secure n
Job, and when he stood in the Off
cial' S presence ho humbly said:
"Mistcr, dcy tole me dat you
wanted TO git yer character white
washed, and Use cum to do dc job"
As the colored man looked back
up stairs, and felt of the place where
something struck him, he mused:
"Waal, now, who'd thought he'd
make sch fuss as that over sich a
small job"
DIDN'T WALK.-A man stood in u
store door on Woodward avenue
yesterday until u young lady came
along with an umbrella, and stepped
out, made handsome bow and
said
"NIay walk with you? | don't
like to get wet.
"This rain is just what is needed
to give vegetables start" she re-
piled, and passed ahead, leaving him
out in the wet.
No HARM DoNE-An old lady
passing through the central market
yesterday, halted at stand and
blandly inquired
"llavc you any nice plums ~
"PIums? PIums ?" repeated the
man "why, it won't be time for
plums for four months yet p
"No, | s'posc not" continued the
old lady, "but it's no harm to in
quire around little
PRovIDING FOR ALA newsboy
seated on the postotlice steps ycstcr.
day, counted his pennies over and
remarked:
"Sevcnteen cents in all. That's
five for the circus, three for pea
nuts, four for n sinking fund, four |
owe to Jack, and there's one left to
support Il widowed mother on until
Saturday night"
Would TALK.-As man and
woman were riding on II Michigan
avenue car he whispered something
to her and she began to talk ont.
He nudgcd her and whispered again
when she shouted:
II will talk, so now! / would as
soon the whole world would know
that you struck me with the stove
handle and then got down on your
knees and asked my forgiveness -
The man dropped out Of the car
like II shot and the woman stuck
her head out Of the window and
continued
"lf you aren't home on the min.
ute I'll make you think you've been
struck by a tornado y
Darwin has weakened on his
theory, or rather taken new one.
He says that it takes 10000 years
for an ape to be transformed into q
statesman. We don't know much
about apes, but it would seem as if
they would get discouraged, and de-
eide on remaining apes.
Will the Detroit Free Press stop
making jokes long enough to tell us
what a "penstock" is?-[ [Bosten
Globe.
You select q nice clean straw, you
know, put one end in J our mouth,
the other in the glass, and then
draw aud smile and draw some
more and leave ten cents on the
counter.
HER Loss.--During the great fire
Wednesday night 81 young lady
rushed up and down Montcalm
street wildly shouting:
"Save 'cm-oh save 'cm ~
"What is it? Who? Where ?"
shouted q man as he seized her arm.
"Is any enc burning up?'
"Not as know Off she walled,
''but won't somebody dash in there
and save my croquet set3 ?"
No one dashed.
DOMESTIC Economy -"Iow much
to telegraph TO Chicago ?" inquired
a citizen Of African descent at one
of the telegraph offices yesterday.
"Fifty cents" was the reply.
"Thunderation, is dat fact !" ex.
claimed the colored man. My ole
woman's powerful bad off. and she
wants her sister to come along right
smart, but | guess I'll have TO make
de mail do. Dat forty-scven cents
extrall buy a heap oh Sunday
meat"
Mark Twain could have married
sixty-five different girls for love,
but he waited until he could love
one with a coal mine in her own
name.
A Chicago clairvOyant says that
Charley Ross is in Heaven. She
was determined to locate him where
no detective could strike his trail.
Among the improvements noticed
by western paper is the mention
that, 'Our friend Shaw has set out
two shade trees in front of the house
he cheated his mother out Of
An 0swego paper publishes a
poem commencing with, "The night
was thinly clad" Perhaps she had
just got out of bed to look for day
light.
1t is now stated that the smaller of