The Newberry herald. [volume] (Newberry, S.C.) 1865-1884, 1875-02-24
Vol. XII.
geIeetsn Story.
HOW TIHKINS GOT HIS WIFE,

! lNS papeE-tHiU IS, uc Was otHp
ed to do odd jobs in connection
with the Office; and in case oil
emergency, to assist the regular
reporters.
He was quite dabbler in small
literaturc-wrote poetry, or al
least, something that no one else
could possibly designate with that
name. He seized upon every
prominent subject Of the day and
put.it into rhyme. The De Riviere
and Blount affair would havo ex.
cited his muse to an inordinate
degree, and resulted in such a po-
em as Byron's 'Don Juan;' and
the Atlantic cable, that fertile sub
ject would have been done ur in
odes and stanzas and sonnets
without end. 1t was unfortunate,
Or probably fortunate for Timkins,
that his poetry had never been
published, or his delusion with
regard to its merits might have
become 3 confirmed monomania,
and untitled him for any useful
purpose in life; although he was
always moro ornamental than use
full.
To give Timkins his due, he had
rather q distingue appearance, and
managed to make the most OF the
natural advantages ho possessed.
He always dressed in good taste,
never wore a "shocking bad hat" or
boots, with indications of incipient
decay. How he managed to do this
was a subject Of no little surprise to
those who knew the extent Of his
means; but although these were
exceedingly limited, his resources
were almost unbounded, for he
was blessed with 4 good stock Of
assurance, and not being troubled
much with conscientious scruples
Invaluable capital for a hanger
on Of the press lit is probable
that tailors and hatters and boot
makers were occasionally victim
lied, under the idea that in sup
plying his wants they were Sc
curing the influence Of the news
papers, and would receive quid
| pro quo in ''frst-rate notices." I
don't know that this was the case;
but inasmnch as such things have
occurred, aud doubtless are occur-
Ering at the present day, think 1
am justified in adopting that
theory.
The only drawback to the per-
sonal appearance of Timkins, was
the fiery color Of his hair. 1t was
not decidedly carrotty, but was
something between carrots and
bright yellow ocher; and as he
would insist upon cultivating whis.
kers and a moustache, his face did
not present, to my eyes, very at
traaive or pleasing appearance,
whatever effect it might have
upon the female portion Of the
community.
Tiulkins, very naturally, was
not little vain Of his appearance;
and indeed his great weakness,
after that of fperpetrating poetry,
was in cherishing the idea that be
was decided ''iady-killer." He
used to tell the most extraordinary
stories Of his couquests-of the
various modes which love-sicll
maidens would adopt to make his
acquaintance, and he would occa-
sionaIly show et-doux, at least
q very neatly folded note, highly
pcrfumed, which he professed to
have received from the fair crea-
lures he had conquered.
1t was strongly suspected that
much Of this was mere boast, so
one day it was decided to play q
practical joke upon Timklns, and
have q little fun at his expense.
That it could easily be accom-
p!isbed by attacking his weak
point, we felt satisfied, and went
10 work accordingly.
Ii was resolved to send him a
note as though it came from a
young lady-a real love-lcttcr,
tceming with romantic passion,
and concluding by asking an as
signation at certain spot, at a
specified time. The letter was
speedily concocted. and one Of US
| undertook to get a female friend to
copy it. 1t ran thus:
CINCINNATI, May, 1S-.
"S1R: The huttering Of my
heart renders me almost Incapable
of penning this; and, together
with my deep sense of the impro-
priety l am committing, tempts me
| to stop even now. And yet some
secret influence impels me onward,
and whispers to me that you are
my destiny. We have often met ;
but you never detected my ardent
look of love, and l felt sure that
if our eyes had met you would at
once have read the treasured secret
of my heart. Oh! why is silence in