The Bolivar bulletin. [volume] (Bolivar, Hardeman County, Tenn.) 1865-1888, 1875-05-28
GOSSIP
BY JOSH


''Iu fact. there nothing makes me SO much grieye
As that abominabIe tittlstatte,
Which is .the cud that's ohewed by human cattle"
lfanY body don't believe in the follow
ing definition of gossip, refer him to
Webster; if he don't like the definition
there given, he must ia back on his
own, which, if given, would doubtless
have the same effect upon either of the
others that cypher has when affixed to
an integer-increases its value ten
fold
Gossip is an elimination, exemplifca,
ton, or publication, or all together, Of
what we see or hear about an individual
or his affairs, through the medium Of
town talk =" "neighborhood chat ''hear-
says and theysays, and may be divided
INTO natural and artificial, or, (to draw it
very fnc) into articulate and antomi>
mic. The former terms, when necessary,
will be used in the present disquisition
Gossips are those individuals of both
sexes who are addicted to compiling
town talk, neighborhood chat, etc, and
may be divided into coarse, genteei, and
interesting. These three classes are
susceptible of a subdivision into other
classes, but deem it unnecessary to do
so. may as we'll state now that gossips
Of the coarse class are invariably of the
masculine gender, while the other classes
may be Of common gender. A coarse
gossip is the gossip pr excellence. He
swallows all he sees or hears from the
above mentioned sources, with the keen
relish of a vulture for its fl vorite carbon,
and on the first opportunity will disgOrge
the iideous mass, revolving alike in it's
compound, as in the component parts.
His presence in a community ia the
abomination of desoIation. The sinuos-
tiles of his course can be easily traced by
that iufalble guide along the path of a
snail-its slime. His meat and drink
are the excremental effete matters Of
the body social
The genteel male gossip is somewhat
u Il
for himself nor much harm to the CONS
munIty Spoken gossip IS not his forte
The very assinity of his attempts in
this line, (outside the pet phrases Of the
race course, card or billiard table) rem
der venal any success he might happen
to achieve. In all his attempts (outsde
the pet phrases of the race course,
card or billiard table, he is greatly as
sisted, ifnot actually promoted, By Look
ing intently and semi~frequently at the
bottom of glass, from which some
liquid hastily departs, leaving not q
trace behind Even with this extrane-
Gus AID he is dull and insipid (outside the
pet phrases Of the race course, card or
billiard tabie) Bat if he Is weak on
natural (or spoken) gossip, he is strong
and loud on artificial mast beg your
pardon for not defining the two classes
of gossip in the proper place. Natural
gossipIs simply that Of the tongue. Ar
tifcial is more complex, and is composed
of the air, gait, aud apparel OF the indI>
vidual, and Of the fashion he or she af7
fscss 20 follow. Artificial gossip, then,
when ma lie yea! through the medium Of
male attire, speaks to you through shiny
boy-toed boots, up - the latest style OF
hat, rakishly set upon q head with
@oE~white seam in the middle from the
forehead TO the crown Between these
extremes are the. most pure uasive speak
ers a long dangling iingling watch
chain. and a well waxej moustache
These, with q staggering gait, AMI
cloud lowering over and around bis head
pr sent to"t ensemble that is perfectly