, 1875-01-17
HUnIOR.

Troubles are like dogs; the smaller they ara
the moro they annoy YOU
Tho height Of impudence-takiug refuge from
the rain in an umbrella shop.
l. 1aw clam pou1tice is the latest amateur med
ica1 p-zaH-clamation in cases OF dipItheria.
By an 1rishuan Why is storm, when it's
clearing up, hka castigasion? Sure IN amt it
= batting?
1.-The rude forefathe1s Of the hamlet" are not
known in Utah. but there are often four rude
mothers In family
Whisky distilled from sea-weed ia the yehic1e
wherein the 5wedes take sweedenin' in their'n to
the extent OF over 100, 600 gallons annually
Really very awkward, ndeedl-Dentist:
Little dear: sNo, shan't, unless mamma does
tpo!n
With all the talk about naval staff RINK, no
one eeems to have considered the claims Of the
common sailor, who is entitled to the forenast
place.
l. travelling correspondent writes that the st.
Johns River, Of which Canadians talk SO much,
il nothing but hight from the mouth Of the st.
L1wreuce.
"Katy. have you laid the cloth for breakfast
yeti" AN sure hare, nem-and everything
else but tho eggs, m INIT thas the ould hens
work, surely? 2"
A correspondent writcs to US to learn II deaf
boy can become bookkeeper. Certainly. Is
there not maxim OF - Deaf "a an adder
Cincinnati Times.
4 aisrespectful son asked his father: ssWhr
il neighbor Smiths liquor shop like = counter
felt dollar2" II can't tell, my son." 81 Because
yon can't pass it, said the boy.
Michigan University medical professors, being
asked By sentimental delegates from the general
public il dissection Of human subjects be abso-
1utely necessary, reply, "Of corse," Ct words to
that effect
In 1847-'48 potatoes formed the only susten-
ance OF the Irish peasantry. The intelligent
compositor put it thus In l847 fo1ty-eight po-
tatoes formed the only sustenance Of tho Irish
peasantry."
the day of execution, owing to his being afflicted
with the toothache; but the Sheriff said he'd got
to 70 to mill next day and he couldn't possibly
accommodate the prisoner
The Georgia negro has no more faith in banks.
Ha lays his money out in store clothes and hair
oil, and the news OF bank suspension causes
him to exclaim: BUST away mid ye, but you
can't hurt desc lavender pauts."
Some Of the southern planters are going too
far with their new pet theory ct small farms.
An Alabama nabob has cut his plantation into
patches, not one OF which 1s bigger than Rhode
Conrier-|ouTnat.
4 Georgia paper knows man who went all
tie way from Cassvile to Atlanta. On his re-
turn he looked solemn with the weight OF gar
nered wisdom, and said: a. II the world is as
big t'other way as it ia that, it's whopper!"
you :" s. Yes, Jim, yes" g Well, well, cheer
up ruan adversity tries us, and shows up our
best qualities" .fAh, but adve1eity didn't try
me- ; It was an old vagabond Of = Judge, and he
showed up my worst qnafities."
L nsw compound rerb.-Suddon apparition-
"Papa, DEAR you know that mamma said that II
anything elsel Well, George has not only but
tered hls toast, but he's actually been and
Liebiga a-e1tractof-beefed it rs well!'
4 gentleman whoBe house was repairing went
one day to see how the job was getting On, and
observing quantity Of nails lying about, said TO
the carpenter Mhy aont yo1 1T .tke es1s M q
replied ths carpenter, you'll ind them in the
Did bachelor uncIe-"We1l Charles, what do
YOU vsnt uowf" Charlie" On, I want to be
rich." Uncle-ss RichI Why Bo7" Charley
!" Because want to be petted. and ma says you
tell tel i" !aS
Z. Your handwriting is very bad indeed, y said d
gentleman to friend more addicted to boating
than to study; '.you really ought to learn to
It ia ali yery well Tor you to tell me that hut
it we're to write better, people would find out
hor Lspell-"
.sIhe only thoroughly b1ighted being" says
the st. Louis Journal, sis the man who has
been deceived in ! neerschaum. When be has
expended his money in purchasing the costly
comfort, when he has consumed tobacco enough
To- unsettie the nerves OF rhinoceros and the |
stubborn pipe still refuses to color, damonstrat-
ine to him the fact that he has been soldt then
does the hollowness of this world and all that |
therein is become fully and diagustlngly ap-
parent" -
The fireman of the steam beat1ng- -apparntus at
the Central Depot yesterday found penny as he
VAS raking over the hot ashes In tha furnace.
Ind lle took it up with the tongs and placed It |
1n bench outside to cool off. It had hardly |
to cool when = heavy man named
Johnson, living in Saginaw, cams slong. He
was talking business with = friend, and as he |
.ane to the bench he parted his coat tails and |
sat down on the penny, remarkipg: "As Was
SAVING. you can have forty acres for-Whoopl
Thnnder and blazes-ouoh- it-Eosh tc |
Thoop r. He galloped around in wild anaze-
mani the hot penny sticking to him like q |
hrother and it WAS two or threo minutes before |
Inv !. zone one found out whether be had dropped down
m tack OF heon bitten by = dog. There WIS
,eavv aroma OF burning cloth and b'Istered !
meat. and Mr. johnson stretched forth his arm
nd arclaamed that be should devote the re- /
nairder of bis life to hunting down the dend I
-t7o tht,a nlxnnnd tn wkylxT hiuo.-{}e1ptt HteS