The Van Buren press., 1875-04-06
A Waning to Lazy Husbands


Ladies who have husbands who ar,
neglccttul in supplying them with kind
liags should carefully study the expert
ence of a Division street sister Al hel
married life she has had on unbrokcn
struggle with her husband 10 keep her
self supplied With wood and the greater
part OF the time she has been obliged to
depend upon her own deltuess with the
axe, and any one who has seen a woman
handle an axe and any one who has seen
woman handle an axe knows what a
dreadful thing it is. Two months ago
she begged of him not to 90 away with
out leaving her some kndliugs lie said
he wouldn't. But he finally did, Then
she hit spon a plan She had -four dozen
clothes pins She took one dozen for
starting the fge, and found that they
worked admirably. She took one dozen
and so she continued until the four dozen
were gone. Then she went to the store,
and purchased another four dozen hay
ing them "put in the bill When they
were gone she repeated the crrand. She
said no more to him about kindlings For
ten years she had kept up the battle, and
now she was tired and sick at heart. He
could go his own way, and she would go
hers patiently. uncomplainingly-untl
the end would come.
On Monday he signiied at the store
that he would like to settle his account.
Thebill was made out and hanlel him
He plancked down the items. As he ad
vanced along the column his face began
to work: First bis eyes slowly enlarged,
then his mouth gradually opened, caused
by the dropping Of his lower jaw; and
wrinkles formed on his forehead One
third down the colomn he formed his lips
as il to woistle Half way down he said
Gracious p
a little further on he said;
ThuntlerW
Four more lines were taken in, and lie
spoke again:
by the Jumping Jupiter"
Then he read on, shifting his thigh Wig
orously, and giving vent to various ex
pressions of the ivelest nature. Finally
he threw the bin down.
L" | say, Benson, look here; this blll
can't be mine; you've got me mixed up
with some laundry
"rhat's your bill, sir said the grocarI
smiling pleasantly.
Il tell you it cant be- persisted the
Division street man, beginning to look
scared. "Why. here's fifty five dozen
clothes pins in a two months bill. What
on earth do YOU take me fora four sto
ry laundry?
But ii is your bill Your wife can
explain it to you. She ord-rcd the
pins"
My wifc?" gaspcd the unfortunate
mas
Yes, sir"
The debtor clu,chcl the bill, slammed
it into his pocket and hurried straight
home. lie bolted straight into the house
without any abatement of speed, and
finging the paper on the table before his
wife. Knocked his hat on the back of his
head aud said
"Martha Ann johnson, what does this
mean There are fifty five dozen clothes
pins in Bensons bill for the past two
months, and he says that you ordered
every blessed one Of them
What! Ffty.Gvc dozen clothes
pins in two months !" and he sat down ON
q chair, as if freight car had fallen atop
of him. FIFTY five dozen clothes pins
in two MONTHS he howlcd. "Will q
Just heaven stand that ?"
81 tell you, You needn't stare at me
that way, Reuben Wheeler johnson, nor
60 calling onto heaven with your impi-
oasness. ! ordered them clothes Plus
my SELF, and have burnt every one Of EN-
in that there stove, Just because YOU were
too alfred lazy to get a stick of wood
I'll burn up every clothes pin in the land
aud YOU shall pay for them, if you have
to sell the shirt on your back to do it
SO now!',
And Mrs Johnson, with a face like
scarlet, suatched up the broom and went
to sweeping the carpet as if every flake
Of dust was red hot coal while the an |
happy Mr.. johnson fastened TO the store |
and paid the bill. And before da,k, that
night, he had half cord of wood sawed, |
split and piled up ready for use.