The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1875-12-22
11ELANGE.

I tlon day said It was owing 70 MS o.
! forts to put down party spirit
What is the difference between q
| hiil and pill7 One Is hard to get
up, and the other, ishard to get down.
T. IT has been, 4 discovered ds that sewing i &
machines are explosive. Now, won {
somebody invent Sc explosive light
ning rod2 sr91s-
- Too thin. or '.it won't wash? Is
Font Of date. ths proper method 10
express fdis~ent- being to remaFks
EFThat won't so lreand. + $3.50 s6s p
Considerate father You should
eat Graham breafl. my son it makes
bone.'' Responsive youth: q II IN,
I'm about all bones now, dz9 -
A fool in high station 10 like 81
man on ahe top orahigh mountaih---.
everything appears small to him, and
he appears small to everybody.
.sI kinder like poetry" said a Wis
consfn farmer as be waited for his
mail, but there nothing like corn
beef to touch the exact spot."
A little girl said to her mother one
day Mother. | feel nervous T.
g Nervousi'' said the mother. what
Is nervorsT' why. It's being In =
hurry oil over"
!. When Chinese hank fails all the
officers have their heads cut off and
flung into corner with the assets,
That might be called making ''cor-
ner'' Of heads and tails. -s.r.-
A Cincinnati editor has had q bible
on his shelf for seventeen years, and
during the entire period he never
suspected that is was anything else
than an old copy of Johnson's Die
tionary. q a.,s..s ..se
A clergyman who was urgently
requested to come and pray at the
bedside of dying milkman, de-
murely remarked: "Tll go. but 1t
isn't any sort OF use. never knew
our Heavenly Father to forgive one
of that class yet, a7
1t took Sir Isaac Newton less than
three years to thoroughly digest the
principles q gravitation, while an In
diana farmer has spent eleven years
trying to find out why cow never
kicks until the pail is two-thirds full.
A story is extant that Martin Van
Buren, who, when o candidate for
Office he frequently was-fcund
his wife weeping over bitter per-
sonal attack upon him In one Of the
newspapers. why. nay DEAR" said
the willy sage Of Undertook, II paid
$50 TO have that printed"
Forward and Loquacious Youth
by Jove, you know--upon my word
now-if 1 were to see a ghost, you
know, would he q chettering ediot
FOR the rest Of my life" =" Ingenious
Maiden - Haven't you seen q
ghost" Z"
A rowdy. intending to be very
witty. thus accosted q lady in the
street: Madam, can you inform
me where I can. see the elephant 2
. No; but if had q looking-glass
I'd show you a very large monkey" /"
The rowdy slid.
"lIy son." said dying grocer to
his probable successor to the busi-
ness. never put sand in the sugar.
Cherish reputation for fair and hon
orable dealings with your fellow
men, and use terra alba instead it's
quite as heavy aud don't grit on the
teeth ~ @ 1
Ehem IAN exchange says la the
line of ''How to bring Up Parents. /"
lis the speech of little boy who said
Father. 1 thiak you should give up
swearing or family prayers. The
boy recognized the fitness Of things.
A cow belonging to Silas Davis.
Of Vermont, late five skeins of Mrs.
d. s carpet yarn, six knots iR q skein,
the same being hung On q clothes
line to dry" and now they don't
know whether il is best to keep the
COW or to weave her up iito carpets.
To irritate a woman whose mind
is of the strong sort, read to her that
if she were in Japan her three pFin-
cipal duties wonld be: l. Obedi-
enee to parents when q child. z.
Obedience to her husband when q
wife. s. Obedience to her. eldest
son when q widow. . aaah rqs7
"Oh, fold up your ears p Is the
fashionable slang in Milwaukee: in
New York it is f.Pull down your
vest R'4-in St. Louis, '.Uncrook your
tongue !" - in Cincinnati, - Float
yonr feet awayr' - in Louisville.
'Depopulate your hatI' r. and in
Chicago 'fGo hang with Mcdonald T.
--Chteago Tribune. 5a
I The other day 8 ragged. red eyed
man stopped q Dctroiter on the
street and asked Say. mister,
lend a fsller q dollar. will you p
NO. sir = was the emphatic reply.
''Why won't your I'd" Because /
don't know you, replied the citizen.
''Well. you wouldn't let me have It
If you did-so hand her out" was
the cool response.-Free Pressb il
Seven women IN Buffalo, who
started out on crusade among the
saloons. report no gain for the tenn
perance canse. I'VE are sent here
by Jesus the leader said to the
firAt bar-keeper encountered; !; and he
smilingly replied, ssTiie introduction
is satisfactory. make yourselves ut
homeg' In anotherplace. after pray.
Ing. they were invited 20 drink.
"A Down-Easter. while travelling
through the West, happened on one
of its representative tavern keepers
Of whom he asked what could be
furnished FOR dinner: ANYTHING
from 3 .il1na To IN nIar,hns,4 . 80