The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-02-27
VARIETY.


VARIETY.
ALLOWS HM-Mrs. PartingtOn says that on
Thanksgiving days she allows Ike to ''fll himself
to his utmost raPacity."
A BAD ISvEsrMEST.-ss Sekretz,'' says Josh
Billings, - is bad inVestment-if you pass it,
you loze the principal; and if you keep il, you
loze the interest" "
PRETTY HEAvY.-" Willie, I'm going to heav-
en-" she wrote, and you will never see me
again''-whieh was pretty heavy on Willie.
The Mosr CURIOUs.-Wbat is the most curious
thing in the world? IL is not a woman, as you
were all going To reply, but a woman who is not
curious.
says the one great wish OF her heart Is that she
may live to see what will be the fashion in bon
nets IN 1900.
said a friend 10 n queer and querulous old lady.
" Well, I dew, and dew, and keep dewin' and
tryin' to dew, and can't dew-and how dew you
dew2''
Too BEAUruUL.-St Paul is the home OF
girl so beautiful that she is obliged to keep her
breath scented with year-Old onions in order to
keep the heaus at a proper distance.
ELoPED.-A farmer in Ohio has eIoped with
his mother-in-Iaw and joined the Mormons. There
without eIOping-
CAN MARRY.-A Green Bay paper says that
uEidower with n clean chirt on can marry in that
town within three hours. Green Bay is north
east Of Detroit boats run daily.
Dv-z~uxKD-A Council Bluffs lawyer ate pea
nuts in Court and was fined so for contemptA
The Judge remarked that he was determined to
uphold the majesty Of the law If it killed the
entire peanut crop Of the South.
FAsHIOS.-The clash in the fashionable world
Just now between the girls with pretty feet who
want TO wear short dresses and those with ugly
feet who want 10 wear long ones, is described by
the fashionable dressmakers as something fearful.
NoSE.-A country dealer sent to Chicago for
copv Of a little book entitled Seekers After God.
The work not begging in stock at the time, the
dealer received note to the effect that there were
no Seekers after God in Chicago.
A man was seen coming out of Texas news
paper oGice with one eye gOuged out, and his nose
spread all over his face like piece of raw beef,
and one Of his ears chawed OF. To policeman
who interviewed him he replied {" didn't like
W SrtieSe that 'peare in the paper last week an
4 went ter see the man who wrote it. He war
thar, stranger
.JoURSALIsrrc. A sub-editor's room.
sub-editor has evidently been dining. Small boy
(frou rate proprietor)-'. Mr.. Maefnnigan wants
10 sec you Immediately. SIR" Sub Tell him
I'm OUT Small boy told that, SIR, and he
sajA was to 20 and find you Sub (after
hazy deIiberation)-' Well, then, go and find
me-"
R.,vrIy IHROrcH.-Johnny saved himself
trouble but Iost marks in his definition exercise
Yesterday. He got brayely through 4" "presbyter,
which be found, by looking il out, to be one who
had the laying on Of hands By the presoytery;
The next word was . dissenter, ana IN an eVn
moment Johnny, without turning leaf in his
dictionary, wrote, =" One who had the dissen-
terry"
Nm AT Hx CorLD.-A s1ilOr's wife at Port
ratrick bad lust received intelligence that her
husband had perished at sea She was visited by
a neighbor, who sympathized with her on her
Ioss and expressed fear that she would De
.nooriV OF ss'Deed will IL said the widow.
=. But be did all he could for me; he's saved me
the expense Of MS burryinl"
SrcrxxD,SG.-A doctor went out west 70 prac-
thee his profession An old friend met bin on
tbe street, one day. and asked him how be was
sucseeding IN his business . tirst-rate' ne re-
pIied i've had one case. :. Mell-and what
- tbasTFf IL was a birth =" said the doctor.
- Uov djd YOU succeed with thatP' 80 Well tho
ola woman dad, and the child died. Bot, BY
the grace Of Cod Ill save the old man yet =!
N,rrR,LIy.-A man in Michigan procured q
divorce from his wife, intending TO marry an
other woman. The latter, however, got tired
waiting and married another man on the day the
divorce was granted linen the ieilOM nesI'1tsH
whether or not 20 try 20 make It up with hs Wlie
again. and while he was hesitating his wife mar
RED another fellow. This is what would natural
Iv be called getting left all round
Focrs.-A little girl had seen her brother play
ing with his burning-glass, and heard him talk
about the focus" Not knowing the meaning
OF the word focus" she referred 70 the dictlon-
arv. and found that the focus was :" the place
yvbere the rays meet" At dinner, when the
family was assembled, she announced as grand as
could be that she knew Of one hard word der
father asked her what it was. She replied that It
was the word :" focus. ' Well, Mary said ne,
means place where they raise calves" This, oil
course. caused great laugh. But she stuekito her
point aud produced her dictionary to prove tnai
she was right, " There said she, triumphsntiy;
Focus place where the rays meet ana
.bev raiSe meat they raise calves. And so l am
right. amt fatherf"