The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-05-21

And be my own sweet bride.
A young lady in Dubuque COM
mitted suicide the other day because
her step mother ordered her lover
to leave the house.
In some parts of Louisiana, when
a girl sets the marriage day, she
counts up her asue days so as to
have the ceremony come on the off
day.
Unless Milwaukee girl can take
a brick in each hand and make g
feet and 4 inches az a standing
jump, she rarely gets into first class
society.
"Women lack nerve" indeed, Mr..
Spinner! A woman with dyspep-
Ella has more nerves to the square
inch than New Jersey swamp has
mosquitoes.
A Texas woman has learned to
stand in the door and haul the hat
off the lightning-rod peddler while
he is christening the gate.
MAN" says Victo Hugo, "was the
conundrum of the eighteenth cen.
fury; woman is the conundrum of
the nineteenth" We can't guess
her, but we'll never give her up-no,
never.
Wells have been constructed with
nose pockets, to allow the wells to
be pinned back closely and yet set
well on the face. In giving orders
for the article, the length of nose is
to be stated.
An assessor asked a woman how
many chickens abe had, and doubt
them. She took him to the bee
hive, kicked it over, and asked him
to count them.
That was 8 shire wd method which
an Iowa girl recently adopted to in
duce all her friends to attend her
wedding. She didn't let them
know up to the last moment who
the groom was to be.
A lady defines Heaven as ''getting
OF your rubbers. "-Danburia
Yes, and by getting OFF, your rub
bers too early in the spring, many
ladies go to Heaven sooner than
need be.-Wiscasset (Me.) Oracle.
Golden hair lie common with the
barmaids of London. 1t IL produc-
chemicals, making very beautiful
tint, and stink intense enough to
knock over an Egyptian pyramid.
Lucy r. Hooper says in one of
her Paris letters that "there is moth
| ing on earth that French actresses
can better portray than girlish inno-
cence and purity, which proves
what very great actresses they sre."
A Dubuque printer received the
following note from his girl: "May
l git yanked out of bed at midnite
every mite by q cuss like Theydore
Tilton, an carried up q million pare
of stairs, If ever l sese TO love you,
JIM"
There are times when all of q wo-
mans self possession and dignity
are required. That is when
she shows her first baby, q
hair-lipped one, to an old beau,
whom che had Tilted for the sake nf
her present husband.
One Of the speakers at recent
Temperance meeting in Boston
charged that lots of Boston women
chew tobacco, and said that he could
get ten men to leave of chew
ing where one women will give up
the weed.
A sentimental young man of Chi
cago went TO see his girl the other
day, and found that his letters had
been pasted over the tops of pre-
serve cans. Those beginning with
my Darling Susan" went over the
peaches, and those commencing
with "My Own Darling" were put
over the apples.
"YOu may talk, " says the Milwau-
kee News, ''about marrying an heir
ess, delicate human blossom, q
fairy. an angel but give me a girl
like Nancy Terwilliger, of La
Crosse, who ran out of doors the
Other night, aud straddling horse,
yelled out; good night, old man
Pm off for the spellin' match p"
4 About the first thing a woman
docs in a moving Is to cut her iing-
oisI ouU SNoL OogSSS sue WISHES ~
call your attention to is pointed on;
with q hand that is covered By a
half pound of carpet rags, and
smelling strong enough of arnics
TO knock over stable boy. The in.
Jury is sometimes caused by
closing her eyes as she strikes 8
nail, but IL most frequently done ia
taking up taoks With . timber case
knife.