Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-01-29
II UNI O r

d
and blacks his eye, he must prepare him
self to endure all the taunts and jeers
which the world would inflict OH pirate,
Social standing counts for nothing, and
dignity cannot be made mantle of. The
other day when compositor of this pa
per- took up his little axe and broke a
stick in two, and one end flew into his
eye, he knew that he must either remain
in the house for two weeks OF go out and
face the worlds Sneers. He decided to
face the sneers, and during one short half
day he noted down the following express
sions:
Tits all right; of course it was stick
of wood-oh, yes'
''Been fighting again, Ell !"
'Well, who knocked you down this
time %
Oh. I've had the same thing all my
eye, and always laid it on stick of
wood"
cha ha the policeman struck hard,
didn't he ?''
'sOf course it was stick Of wood-he-
he-he-he!"
Then there were people who pointed him
out as the abductor of Charlie Ross, and
people who thought he was one of the
Cad S Hill robbers, and over fifty respecta-
BILE men asked him why he didn't get the
other one BACKED, so as to have a mattel
ed pair.
A gentleman was looking into the win
dow of toy store the other day, when two
boys halted, and one remarked: s'Say, Jim;
don't you wish we had ten cents to buy a
present for our poor little lame sister %
Jim replied that he did, and the gentleman
pulled out shin-plaster and said he was
glad to be able to assist them in such a
praise-worthy enterprise. He met the
same boys half an hour afterwards, and
each had his pockets stuffed with popcorn
balls
Girls should be warned of the danger,
they run in marrying railroad brakesmen.
An enthusiastic member of that fraternity,
on being awakened the other night from a
dream of an impending crash by train,
found himself setting up in bed, holding
his wife by the ears, having nearly twist
ed her head off in his frantic efforts to
s'down brakes"
We are told that the late Mayor Have
MEYER used to take exercise by saving wood
in his cellar every morning. And Mr..
Havemeyer, it will be remembered, died
very suddenly. There are averyfew sudden
deaths among married men of Norristown
from this cause. That sort of exercise is
taken by their wives.
ssNow them" said physician, cheerily
to patient. you have got along far enough
to indulge in a little animal food, and"
ono you don't, Doctor interrupted the
patient; ssI've suffered enough 81 your
Cruel and slops, and I'd starye sooner than
begin on hay and oats.''
A Milwaukee dramatic critic tells how
one of the stars was s'pretty effectually
stuffed with back of chair" Though
he had in his pocket dead head season
ticket, he determined that for once he
would fearlessly give the truth.
There is a gruff old party who lives oppo-
site to a church where the members of the
choir meet twice IL week to prat tice and
who says if the singing affect Heaven, as
it affects him, there will be no use of go
ing there for happiness.
"Pretty hard under foot, to-day said
one citizen to another, as they met in the
street the other day. eyes, but it's fine
overhead" responded the other. "True
enough" said the first, "but then very few
are going that way.'
A ccording to Paris letter hundreds of
American mothers are there, seeking titled
Frenchmen for their daughters. The old
ladies doubtless think that if they must add
fool or two to their families they may as
we'll have the blooded kind.
A Thomas street school boy had Just got
his face fixed to sing sLet us love one an
other" when snowfall hit him in the
mouth and so confused him;thathe yelled,
s'Bill Sykes, just you do that agin and I'll
chaw your ear off"
OF course, woman doesn't want her
plants to freeze, bnt still one can't blame
a man for raising a row wien he hops out
of bed in the morning and finds gerani-
nm plant in each trowsers leg.
Reading the great Surgeons decl; IA
ton, ga cigar is a thing to thank God
for.'' A Navy Yard school boy bought
cigar. He was afterwards seen hanging
over fence, but he WAS not giving
thanks.
And now they say that William Penn
would sit down nnder tree with Indians
about him, and, telling them of the better |
world beyond the sea, deal himself four
aces and win the game.
There is a vile hypocrite in Bethlehem,
Pa. He actually entertained oompany in |
honor of the anniversary of the birthday !
of his mother-in-law.
Just think, if you swear off using tobae-
co and wearing clothes after The 1st Of
January, you can save at least S. per w elk |
and S. per week for 1000 years is $3.50
600.
Mrs. Darlington, reading Of the strike of
the wire drawers. remarked: "Ah me
,,,,,ot ,,o,y fanr1ad thin0S WON'T thew w earl