Northern tribune. [volume] (Cheboygan, Mich.) 1875-1885, 1875-08-07
FUNNIGRAPHS.

A curiosity hunter would like to get
some moss from the rock of cradle and
rafter from the roof of mouth.
An Irish doctor lately sent in his bill
to lady; it commenced as follows: .'TO
curing your husband till he died."
Nothing causes larger variety of con-
fiicting expressions to cross young
mans face, than to see his best beloved
girl sit down on bis new 81 silk hat.
Since tight dresses are worn street
car conductor can tell just how many he
can get on IL seat, and how many he
can't. He don't say ''shove up any
more.
a kind-hearted, peace-loving Balti-
timore man painted his front steps
twenty-three times trying to please his
wife; and then she decided that the first
color was the best.
a western editor insists that he wrote
the word ''trousseau" as plain as a pike
staff in connection with certain bridal
presents. The printer, however, vulgar
ly put it .'trowserS."
a bad little boy, on being promised
five cents by his mother if he would take
a dose of castor Oil, obtained the money,
and then told his parent that she might
castor oil in the street.
ssIfJones undertakes to pull my ears"
said lOud-mouthed fellow on street
corner, she will have his hands full,
now" The crowd looked at the mans
ears, and thought so too.
A tramp who called for dinner at a
farm house out toward the Ridge, eX-
planned that he 'stut-tut tut-tered so he
rl,1tf hoo II 10h
c-co-corn or raking hay"
A man has been arrested in Baltimore
for stealing tombstones and collins. 1t is
supposed that he intended also to steal
several acres Of ground, take all his plum
der out west, and start cemetery on the
European plan.
In a recent scandal case in Smith
county, Kan, a lady witness declined to
answer question, and the attorney de-
manded her reason. Because, it is not
fit to tell decent people," 20, well, nsaid
the lawyer, 'just walk up here and whis-
per it to the judge
A little Hartford girl, who had been
proved for some childish act, gave utter
ence to thought which puzzled the
world for ages, when, after long reflec-
ton, she looked into her mothers face
and said: MA. why is it that naughty
things are so nice?n
Copy was out. The printers devil
picked up paper, and said, Heres some
thing about Woman'-must 1 cut it
Out?" ''NO!' Numbered the editor; "the
first disturbance ever created in the
world was occasiOned by the devil fool
ing about a woman"
"Are the young ladies of the present
day tit for wives?" asked lecturer of his
audience. 'They are fit for husbands"
responded a female voice; ''but the
trouble is, you men are not fit for wives!"
The applause was great, and so was the
discontinue of the lecturer.
A wife who had been lecturing her hus-
dior coming home intoxicated became
incensed at his indifference and ex-
claimed, "Oh, that could wiring tears
0fanguish from your eyes!" TO which
the hardened wretch hiccoughed, ''Tai-
faint no use, old woman, to bo-bore for
water here"
81 would marry you, Jacob" said a
lady to an importunate lover, ''were it
not for three reasons" "Oh, tell me,n
he said, imploringly, 'swhat they are,
that may remove them" "The first
is, said she, IL don't love you; the sec.
ond is, don't want to love you; and the
third is, / couldn't love you if wanted
to.
That was rather touching allusion to
a deceased spouse, made recently by a.
farmer, who came to the village store to
purchase things. 'sCan't I show you
anything else to-day?n politely asked the
clerk. mo, reckon not" replied the
sad-looking customer; II lost two horses
and my wife last fall, and / feel putty
poor. Good span of horses, too"
A German peddler sold a man a liquid
for the determination of bugs. Sand how
do you use it?" inquired the man after he
had bought it. "Ketch tie bug and drop
Won little drop into bis mout,a answered
the peddler. 'sThe deuce you dol" ex-
claimed the purchaser. 81 could kill it
in half that time by stamping on it."
ssVell," exclaimed the German, ''dat ish
good way, too"