Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-10-22

Now put up the little stove-pipe.
Vita meek anu Christian grace.
STUFF your mouth ~ilh your nose-wpe,
smear the smut about your lace;
Wish the house gone 10 thunder
Cuss little while you can,
Kick the reservoir asuuder.
Stick your foot right through pan
Gone 10 meet your nother-in-law-
The afflicted editors of Fort Wayne, Ind.
have induced judge to declare insane and
commit to the lunatic asylum man with
an ungovernable penchent for writing
poetry.
Many a woman who is too feeble TO peel
dozen potatoes for dinner will walk four
miles past rivals house to display new
dress, and prance back hOue ike a three
year-old fly Chicago Journal.
We desire to mention TO noisy little boys
that right in the centre Of the hind hoofs
of every live mule there is lump of gold.
which can be easily dug out with PEN
knife Cincinnati Times.
Aud that's blessed baby remarked
one woman to another in a street car. yes
terday "Yes. be is. but he's dreadful on
easy" "Ailing ~ "Wuss nor ailing-
he's most sick. He began at O'Clock last
night, and for thirty four hours by the
clock, or till just at day break. he'd to trot
LIN Du III hutC AtcD -ibZluH um-
yum-hig gh-dum. ."--DefrOit Free Press.
When Jenny Lind firstsaw Niagara Falls.
she Is said TO have dropped upon her knees
and uttered prayer of gratitude to God.
How differently the same sight affects dif-
ferent people. 4 Brooklyn Gentle saw
Niagara Falls last week for the first time,
and all he remarked was, Great Heavens,
Shearman amt teapot to this ,''-RrOOk-
lin Argus.
Some people are too trusting for this
world. AZ recent trial the prisoner en-
tered plea OF mot gailtY," when one of
the jurymen pu, on his hat and started for
the door. The judge called him back and
informed him that he couldn't leave until
that case was tried. 'TrIed ?" q1eried the
juror. why he acknowledges that he is
not guilty. ."-Mi!toG,ikee Sentinel.
Longfellow. slightly paraphrased to suit
the times:
Aut The nieht shall be filed nth burglars,
Ana the thieves that iniest the day.
Shall pack UP their traps like peddlers,
And carry the spoons away
In Italy. traveller has got himself into
trouble through owning q too intelligent
horse The animal, whenever any person
was met or oyertaken on the road. threw
ress. Some people handed out their money
at oace; il is supposed his former owner was
a gentleman of the road
In one Of the negro churches the other
night. strange 70 relate, the parson read
out curiousiy metred hymn. which didn't
Jingle with any tune known to the oongre-
CATION. One or rbe leaders started out from
latitude as, bus failed An old darksy in
the corner rose up ana said I: ''Parson,
| m purity ssrtiu | kin reach to both esnds
o them varseS" -'Brud1er - will raise
de time" announced the parson. And then
the old man set out on a wild career with q
series Of sereeches ami bellowings like un-
10 the steam-pIauo Of the circus when the
engineer Is drunk. Hold up. brudder /;
for de sake Of the psalmin' angels. stop :"
cried the frantic parsun, and when the old
man and Congregation had been quieted. be
soleinnly announced DE singing OBJ do
Lords praise will he adjourned to de next
meetin' night i''-AIania (Gs CoHstifu-
tion.
Railroad rivalry in Kansas City has involy
ed reekle use OF words by the agents in
their advertisements NOV the blood does
gush." says the ST. Louis. Kansas City and
Northern. having knocked the wind clean
OUT Of some folks on extraordinary low
rates, we beg to call attention to the second
chapter" The Chicago and Alton re-
marks, with visor down, not spot In
our armor, and lance on dead line for the
heart, we charge to the fore The Han
nibal and st Joseph responds, us that a
dagger ? No. my lord, it is prod, and
with it We make the weak backed hump
themselves. We strike right to the core Of
the great commercial interests of the New
stkx F.i1f kaI- -nok fra,Oht
rate Talk is cheap, promise is Fragile,
and the wind can blow" Is another an
nouucemeut, but VIC talk not, neither do
we PROMISE TO blow. We proceed to busi-
ness. stick 20 business, and mean business
every hour of the twsnty-four. Chalk it
down on memory's tablet" -.. b..
They were husband and wife. and as they
stood before the Soldiers Monument, she
asked Whats that fgger on the top?"
That's goddess" be answered. And
what's a goddess ?'' "A woman who holds
her tongue" he replied She looked side
ways at him and began planning to make
peach pie with the pits in it for the benefit
OF his sore tooth.--Defron Free Press.
A lady correspondent, who is evidentlys
tender hearted seboolmarm. writes letter
to the San Frdnoisoo 1drerfiser on the
training Of children. In her horid and
gushing style, she says "Mothers should
hunt out the soft. tender. genial side Of
their child's nature" The editor says
s.Sacn advice is entirely unnecessary, as
every mother in San Francisco does it with
an old shoe or some other equally hard or
forcibls means" mr.
"No SIR" said a Block Island man; "1've
always supported General jackson for Pro
sidont, bat after that New London business
wouldn't vote for him for hog-howard"
Ii appears that it has leaked out on Block
Island that Andrew jackson was arrested
in New London last week for being drunk
and beating his wife.-Bangor Commercial.
While waiting at the depot YESTERDAY
gentleman. whose watch was out OF order.
applied to dashing young colored man to
know the time Of the day. the said yonng
colored man having grand watch chain
dancing about bis breast. DE time. Sab
de time oh day ?" replied the young man.
'.Yes; l want to know how near train time
il is" "well. boss." said the darkey.
slowly pulling at the chain ~ can't Glib :
Dc time oh day exscsay. but Iss got seos
OBJ de- bsstsss kind o. chevins tobeeeo n ,
di, we're wasch-cass ~ Vieksbvg A~bSs Z
rhsrs i not family in Loekpost. Ay.s q
within . rndiss q swe. mile Of ~ sov.s
shes haa not frum one tp I've casos q ehHls