The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1875-02-18
JOE CATERS LIFE INSURANCE.

BY II. A. BERToN.
Good He was the model bov of
Bungfeld. While his idle schooI-mates
were flying kites and playing marbles,
the prudent Joseph was trading Sun.
day school tickets for strawberries and
eggs, which he converted into currency
Of the republic. As he grew up, and
his old school-mates purchased cravats
and hair oil at Squire Tackey's store, it
was the industrious Joseph who stood
behind the counter and took their
money. When the same boys stood on
the street corners and cast sheep's ewes
1.-The girls, tho business. like Joseph
stood in the store door and COZ ntenplated
these same boys with eyes such rs a
hungry cat casts upon brood of young
birds whom he expects to eat when they
grow older. Joe never wasted any time
at parties he never wore fine clothing
he never drank nor smoked: in short,
Joe was so industrious that by the time
he reached his majority he had a thou
sand dollars in the bank and not soli-
tary virtue in his heart.
For Joe's money good Squire Tackey
had an earnest longing, and soon had it
to his own account while the sign over
the store door read "Tackey & Cater.
Then the Squire wanted Joe's soul too,
and so earnest was he that Joe soon
found it necessary to demonstrate with
his partner.
"'Twon't do, Squire, " said he; ere
ligion's all very well in its place, but
when q man loses the sale of a dozen
eggs, profit seven cents, because his
partner is talking religion with him so
hard that a customer gets tired of wait
ing and goes somewhere else, then re.
ligion's ont Of place"
"The human souls of more conse-
kence than many eggs, Joseph, " argued
the Squire.
That's just it" A" replied Joe, 'money
don't hit the value of the soul anyway,
aud there's no use trying to mix 'em.
And while we're talking, don't you
think We might be mixing some of the
settings Of the molasses barrel with the
brown sugar?-'twill make it weigh
much better.
The Squire sighed, but he could not
help admitting that Joe WIS as good a
partner as a man could want.
In one OF Joe's leisure moments it
struck him that, if he were to die, no.
body would lose cent by the operation.
The idea was too exasperating, and soon
the local agents of noted insurance
companies ceased to enjoy that tran
guilty which is characteristic Of busi-
ness men in that country. Within a
fortnight two of the agents we're ar
raigned before their respective churches
for profane brawling, while Joe had
squeezed certain agents into dividing
com Missions to the lowest unit of devil
sibility, and had several policies in the
snfe at the store.
The Squire, his partner, was agent for
the Patagonian Mutual, and endured
his full share OF tho general agony Joe
had caused. But when he had handed
Joe policy and receipt, and taken the
money and counted it twice, and seen to
1t carefully that all the bills were good,
the good Squire took his revenge.
Joseph, said he, ''you amt through
with insurance yet; you nee d 10 insure
your soul against risk in the next world,
and there's oaly one agent that does it. &"
The junior partner stretched himself
on the counter and groaned. He knew
the Squire was right. He had heard
that same story from every minister he
had ever heard. Joe was so agitated
that he charged at twelve and half
cents some calico he had sold at fifteen.
Only one Agent But the shreu d
Joseph rejoiced to think that those who
represented the Joseph Great Agent diff
fered grea iy in the conditions of the
insurance, and that some made more
favorable terms than others, and that if
he could get the ministers thorouphly
interested in him, he would have a eood
opportunity for comparing rates. The
good men all wanted Joe. for he was a
rising young man, and could, if the
spirit moved him, make handsome sub
scriptions to good purposes. So in their
zeal they soon regarded each other with
jealous eyes, and reduced their respect
i've creeds to gOssamer thinness. They
agreed about grace being free, and Joe
accepted that promptly, as he did any
thing which could be had without price.
But Joe was a practical man, and
though he found fault with none Of the
doctrines talked at him, he yet hesitated
to attach himself to any particular con
gregation. He finally ascertained that
the Rev. Barzillai Driftwood's church
had no debt, aud that its contributions
to missions aud other religious purposes
were very small, so Joe allowed himself
to be gathered into the iae assortment
of crooked sticks which the Rev. Bar.
zillai DriftwOod was reserving unto the
day of burning.
Great was the ejoicing of the oongre-
cation at Joe's saving act, and sincere
was the sorrow of the other churches.
who knew their own creeds were less
shaky. Bat in the saloon and on the
street Joe's religious act was discufse
exclusively on its merits, and the results
were such as only special spiritual labor
would remove. For no special change
was noticeable in Joe. On Sunday he
abiured the world, but on Monday he
made things uncomfortable for the
Widow Mscnilty, whose husband had
died in the debt Of Tackey y Cater. A