The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-10
BUDGET OF FUN.
Those Circus Bills.

She had one in her hand US she came W
stairs, and she didn't say word until afte
she had wiped her spectacles, placed then
on her nose untolded the bill and read few
Of the headlines
She was old,fashloned in look. There wert
strings to her bonnet, she had no hustle, hel
gray hair was cOmbed down smoothly, anC
there was only eleven yards in her black al
paca dress.
Young man, don't you know that circuses
are awful liars and humbugsY she finally
inquired.
The man at the table leaned back in his
chair and refused to express an opinion.
"Well, know it, she Continued in posi-
tive tone, land believe they get wuss every
day. Now see here-lIsten to this: - gor
geous panorama of amazing wonders-a 81
gantic combination of astonishing acrobatiC
talent" That's all right on the poster, but
hev they gotem? I'd like to see one o
them ANIMALS"
you're laboring under mistake, madam
1T means grand display Of natural curlosl
ties, and informs the public that the rroprie,
tor has secured many tirst-class acrobats-the
chaps who stand on their heads, turn head
over heels, and cut up so many monkey
Shines"
ut does, eh ?" she unused; "waal, do you
believe that it takes smart person to keel
oyer?' Well, one has to have good deal
Of training
"They do em?" she remarked. as she put
her umbrella in the corner and spit on her
hands 'I'll show you that you are deceived
I'm an old woman, but il | can't"
MADAM, hold on-don't do it?' exclaimed
the man behind the table.
II can flop right over there and never
shake my bonnit!p she said as she rose up.
81 know you, can, madam, but don't. | am
here alone, and--I don't want you to. II
you are determined to shall leave the ROOM!
well, you know that | can do It, and that's
enough. You may be right about what that
means, but see here-hear this "The high
ways ablaze with Respondent chariots-the
grandest pageant on earth" I've bin to lots
Of circuses, young man, and | never saw a
pageant yet. If they had one the door of his
cage wasn't Open"
fers to the fact that the great number of
wagons, chariots, etc, make up a sight worth
seeing as they pass along the street.
"Ummm," she muttered as.she folded the
bill over; II don't see why they couldn't
have SAID so then. And now see here see
read that: "Sig. Govinotf in his aerial flight
Now, then, is that boa constructor or a
cundurango?"
at is a man, madam-One of the perform
ers. His real name is probably Jones, but
that ain't grand enough, and so they put him
down rs Sig. Govinot..' He is the man who
jumps eff rope, turns over twice, and
comes down all right"
He is eh9 Well, if he's got an idea he the
smartest man alive want to disappoint HIM.
never tried to turn over tw.ce, but III do
it right here and now or break my neck? Get
the things ofii'n that table,
"Stay madam-dont. / wouldn't have
you do it for fifty dollars.
Just once!"
"For heavens sake, madam, get down off n
this table-here-here's dollar if you won't
do ltm
II don't want your money and | won't try
it if you're so scarf, but l don't want no cir
Gus gong around talking about aryal flights
and deceiving the peoplew
She sat down the young man wiped the sweat
off his brow, and presently she remarked;
"And here's another thing, right here: "A
sparkling astersk, fishing across the field of
the cloth of gold-Mons. Gomerivue in his
great delineatiOns of human character. d
like to know who she Is.
Madam, that is a man-a man who define
ates character
"How?'
"Why, he makes up faces-expresses mirth,
sorrow, joy, and so forth
"He does, en-? well WhatS that 10 dow
about? Make up faces-see here!'
And she shut her eyes, run her tongue
out, and looked like the bottom of brass ket
tie which had been kicked in by mule.
They are humbugs, r!' she said as she
drew her tongue in, land dye 'spose I'd pay
fifty cents to go to one!'
They are quite entertaining as general
thing"
They are, Ell? entertaining, eh? Well If
can't do more entertaining in i've minutes
than a circus can in all day I'll leave my bon
net up here! Here, hold on to this chair =
Madam, l earnestly hope you are not go
ing to perform any tricks"
-"I hain't Ell? You just hold on to the legs
of this chairn
II can't maGam-I wouldn't do it for all
the diamond pins in Syracuse Go away
madam-go home! I'm in an awful hurry!
well won't then, bnt when | say cir
cuses are humbugs | can prove it. | don't
keer two cents for their big words and their
panoples, pageants, astersks, gratis, aryales,
georgouses and ourang-outangs-1 can beat
EN- all holler myself
And she took off her spectacles, lifted her
umbrella and went down stairs.