Gallipolis journal. [volume] (Gallipolis, Ohio) 1837-1919, 1875-07-29
MisceIlancous.


They now call retired printers ex-
press rnen-
Pillars that should be shaken
: down-caterpillars.
sThis,n thought a boy while being
trounced by his fond papa, sis very
like whale
The misery felt by the child who
couldn't go to the picnic, is nothing
to that of the one who has been to IT,
An Iowa editor recently announced
that a certain patron of his was
sthieving as ususl." 1t was written
thriving
If NAV seem paradoxical, but the
hest newspaper gets the most cutting
treatment from their brethren OF the
tripod.
..Do YOU like Goldfish balls, Mr..
WigginsY' Mr.. Wiggins, hesitating-
lyeaI really don't know; don't
recollect attending one"
81 think have seen you before,
sir. Are you not Owen Smith" "Oh,
YES. I'm OWN Smith, and OWN Jones,
and OWN Brown, and owin' every
body"
A philosopher asserts that the rea-
son why ladies' teeth decay sooner
than gentlemen's is because of the
friction of the tongue and the sweet
ness Of the lips.
What is the difference between
spermaeeti and a sehoolboy's how'll
One is the wax produced by the
whale, and the other is the wall pro
dnced by the wiacks.
s.Now, then, children said parish
school-mistress showing her children
off on examination day; "Who loves
all men?' "You, missus" was the
unexpected reply.
On Monday evening his wife asked
him where he was going, as she OBJ
served him putting on his overcoat.
II am going to sally FORTH" he re-
piled; and she warmly rejoined: "Let
me catch you going with any Sally
Forth"
DIR. johnson once dined with q
Scottish lady who had hotch -potch
for dinner. After the doctor had
tasted it she asked him if it was good
ut is good for hogs, ma'am, said the
doctor. "Then pray" said the lady
4'let me help YOU to some more.
A teacher in the Port Jervis public
schools was last week explaining tt
the children that usually all word:
ending with "let'' meant something
small, as streamlet, rivulet, hamlet
etc. Whereupon smart boy asked
if hamlet meant small ham.
"For want of water | am forced tC
drink wine; if had water, | would
drink wine" This speech is riddle
and here is the solution. 1t was the
complaint of an Italian vineyard
man, after long drought, and an ex-
tremely hot summer that had parched
up all his grapes.
A man who cheats in short measure
is a measureless rogue. Ii in whis
ky, then he is rogue in spirit. L
by falsifying his accounts, then he is
an unaccountable rogue. If he gives
bad title to land, then he is rogue
indeed. If he gives short measure
in wheat, then he is a rogue in grain
Curious answers often come out in
examination for the civil service. The
word inheritance" occurring in s
page of reading, the examiner inter
rogated the youngster: "What is in
heritance?" "Partrimony." "Wha
is partrimonys" Something left b,
a father" "What would yon call it i
left by mother?" aMatrimony."
Don't let your angry passions rise,
Because your neighbors advertise,
And draw away the dimes;
But boldly do as they have done,
Pursue the course they have begun
And drive away dull times.
A down-town resident wants part
ner in the pie-plsnt business. 1
takes four pounds of sugar to on,
pound of pie-plant. He wants th'
partner to furnish the sugar, he be
ing willing to furnish the plant ant
divide the proceeds half and half
A fine opportunity for poor mai
who can't afford to have pies on Sun
day to get them cheap.
Poor Daisy was fearful and sadly per
picked,
Her mother was angry, her father wa
yexed,
All because she had spoiled such bean
tiful pfau
In firmly refusing such an excellen
man.
'sDear mother, know just as well a
you do
That his habits are good and his princi
pies too;
know that his love is sincere, and al
that,
But why does he wear such a shocking
bad hat?"
SENATOR Sargent made a neat littl