Public ledger. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1865-1893, 1875-09-03
AN INFLATED COCKTAIL.
Mr.. Kelley's Lesson in Finance from
Burkeeper,


Mr.. Kelley's Lesson in Finance from
Barkeeper.
New York World.I
Z CHICAGO, August l5.-Mr. Kelley,
whom Mr.. Morton does not scruple to
call "a gushing, sloppy tourist, is out
here endeavoring to bring the people
Of the Northwest to a realizing sense of
the necessity for an issue of more cur
rency. Rather an amusing and interest.
ing occurrence has transpired during his
visit which has not found itsway into any
Of the local prints, but that the World
may deem worthy of publication. On
the morning after his great initiation
speech Mr.. Kelley felt athirst, and walk
ing down into the bar of the fremont
House bade the attendant barkeeper
mix him whisky cocktail. While the
barkeeper was .compounding the liquor,
syrup, bitters, ice and water in due pro-
portion, he remarked "You're Senator
Kelley, aint your" II am; but don't be
afraid young man, don't be afraid
aHably replied the great statesman. Il
thought you was, said the artist in
liquors; :" hear you make q bully
speech last night up to Mccormick s
Hall. Was that all true you told US
about them bonds, and more greenbaoks,
and that other shenanigan, eh2'
" True2' said the apostle of imitation;
" of course it was true. am a man OF
principle, young man, man Of strict
principle" Keerect," replied the bar
keeper, as he poured the completed cock
tail in an amber arch into the glass and
filled a tumbler of water.
Mr.. Kelley tasted the beverage. See
here, Johnny" he said, THAT cocktail
doesn't rise and take me by throat so
much as it should; | want it to be all to
me the name implies. Just make il
stronger and give it to me in bigger
glass will you?"
The barkeeper promptly transferred
the contents into water-tumbler and
added about twice the quantity of water
Mr.. Kelley observed, somewhat testify
Hello hellol Waat are you doing, eh
| wanted bigger drink, more Of cock
tail, you know"
The barkeeper smiled apolosetically,
and begging Mr.. Kelley's pardon, emp
tied the diluted cocktail into weiss-bieI
glass, which he brimmed with water
There was an ocean Of fluid family
tinged with pinkish amber, on the sur
face of which hoated shred of lemon
peelsg The barkeeper pushed the glass
over to his customer, and, affably resting
both hands on the counter, asked hin
how that suited him.
10 Mr.. Kelley rubbed his eyes and ther
pinched himself to be sure that he Wal
himself and awake; then lowered hit
spectscles, and inspected the barkeepel
narrowly /" Young man, he said al
last, in his most solemn tones, do you
call that cocktail?2
Dol call that eocktail2" he replied
| Ipityingly; "what'n blazes do you call
Iit2 That's the best cocktail the world
ever saw. There's whisky in it, there
gum in it, there's Angostora bittets in it
there's lemon-peel in it, there's water il
it, there's ice in it, and don't they make
cocktail? Besides, it's called cock
tail, just as dollar is called dollar
and don't that make it cocktail2 Yor
can do anything with that cocktail thai
you can do with any other cocktail; you
can drink it, you can pay for il; dom
that make it as good as any other cock
tail? What do you take me for? Haven'i
read your speochesY"
But" gasped Mr.. Kelley, growing
very red in the face, there's too mucl
water in it,"
TOO much waterI rejoiDed the bar
keeper. Why, you must have 60 muct
water in q cocktail anyhow, musn you
You get your whisky like what you fnan
cial sharps call reserve, and then YOU
issue your cocktail on that basis. Yol
see, you have an elastic cocktail-~a cock
tail that adapts itself to the wants Of tn,
customer. If he wants strong drinl
he don't want much water; if he want,
long drink I'll initiate his cocktail til
its volume equals his necessities. | tel
you I've studied up this here fnancia
problem" Ftg
But, but" stammered Mr.. Kelley
there isn't drop more whisky all til,
while, and every drop Of water you ado
weakens aud spoils it, gsf
That can't be-, rejoined the bar
Keeper. TITS lust like the finance
Whisky wealth and cocktails currency
II you can expend your currency with
out any increase Of your wealth aud dt
no harm, why cau't you initiate This cock
tail up to a hogshesd full and let al
them bummers out in the street have
good square nipY alo st bss.
''Yon don't understand, replied Mr.
Kelley. TITS different in financial mat
ters. There, there is the relief afforded
by my 1865 interconvert-~i
II know it, ! know il" brhkly ans
wered the barkeeper. Il tell you, Mr.
Kelley, your head's level. Nov, here i
my interconvertible cocktail Thu
saying, he poured half Of the content
OF the weiss beer glass into anothe
weiss beer glass; then continued: mo,
this tnnbler is the bonds, and this tum
bier is the greenbacks. When you wan
! a long drink, you pour into this tumble