The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-03-04
HOW EMR. BOGARDUS WAS CON
WINGED.

two hundred pounds, who announced
himself as Mr.. Bogardus, of Front
Street, walked into the counting room of
this paper and said he wanted to see the
man who had STANDARD him. Being ask
ed to explain, he went on to say that he
had read frequent illusions in The Free
Press to the 'Bogardus KICKER and
ne could kick the man who got up the
''kicker" fabrications. Every body was
blowing at him and making sport of him
he said, and he had decided not to stand
it any longer. He was directed to call
again, and yesterday he came up stairs.
He had several 'skicker'' illusions cut
from various issues OF The Free Press,
and as he laid them on the table behind
which sat pale-faced young man, Mr..
Bogardus removed his necktie and collar
and whispered:
There's going to be gore shed in this
ere room!"
s'Do you intend to make personal
thing of this?" asked the pale-faced
scribe.
''Them's my purpose!" replied Mr..
Bogardus, as he flung his hat into a
corner s'I don't ride in kerridge, and
I don't hold offs, but I'm going to take
care of my character. When putty
headed reporter SANDERS me it means a
| funeral!"
''But my dear sir, no one has slanderd
you-these items refer to another Bo-
gardus altogether"
'"They do, hey!' he whispered, getting
out of his coat.
''They certainly do. This Mr.. Bogar-
dus lives in Louisville, and his chicken"
has found it's way into almost every
newspaper Office in the country
"Can't fool mel" he replied as he drew
his belt another notch tighter.
''But see here. Here is the kicker
itself. We ordered it over six months
ago, and it has been on duty ever since"
''Don't fool with a Numidian ion!"
warned Mr. Bogardus as he stood in his
shirt sleeves "What is the kicker for?"
''This Bogardus who invented it, re-
piled the young man, ''is Louisville
editor. For the last fifty years every
newspaper Office has been bored by a set
of good-natured fellows, who paw over
exchanges, want to get poetry published
and at length feel themselves at home in
every room. This Bogardus brought
out this kicker to get rid of such per-
sons"
''Don't lie to me?" said Mr.. Bogardus,
menacingly.
ssNo, sir, L am speaking the solemn
truth. We used to have forty or fifty
bores around this office, but all have fed.
Some were lightly kicked and took the
hint, while others were kicked to death
and the coroner called it case of hered-
itary consumption. The kicker is a
great invention, sir, and you out to feel
proud that your name is Bogardus.
elbow does she work?" asked the
stranger, looking at the machine.
'sShe kicks, sir - kicks like a mule;
that's the reason why they call it the
kicker
cts blasted ie!'' roared Mr.. Bogar-
dus: ''this ere thing is a power press. !"
please sit down in that chair until I
show you,'' said the young man.
The stranger sat down, and steam was
turned on. He wore cynical look for
| about half SECOND, but when the Kick
er fetched him two or three he shouted
out:
'Lemme up-lemme go!''
ssYou are now satisfied that this thing
is all right, are you?" asked the young
| man.
eyes thunder-gosh -oh-blazes-
stop ERR
s'And you are sorry that you came up
here and wanted to spill my gore?"
ssYes-oh-blast it -yes-stop yer old
machiner'
.sAnd ever hereafter your conduct to-
ward men Will De cnafacUef1zed
by balminess, iberality, charity and re-
specta''
'sThunder- yes-stop 'er-oh!-let up
on mel'
'sAnd as soon as released from the
tolls of the Kicker you will resume your
raiment and at ONCE"
But he had tainted. He was taken
out. laid on the floor and four policemen
were send for to carry him down stairs
and get him to the hospital. Mr.. Bo-
gardus revived as they were loading him
On to a wagon, but his talk was SO inco-
herent that nothing could be made out
but:
''Stop 'er-grashus- poor mother
femme up. "-DetrOit Free Press.