The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-06-19
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

We have received copy Of the San Francisco
China Ne,rs folio published in Chinese. 1t is
pleasant reading for warm weather, and reminds
u.s. in the character Of its editorials, very strong
OF the Streator Gun Boat.
At Albany when q person desires to Kill goat
without any fuss about it, the animal Is allowed
TO browse on red hot editorials clipped from 'he
evening Journal Whitehall Times.
Spotted Tail and Red Cloud, with their suites,
left Omaha on Thursday, hoping to be able 10
reach home in time to spend quiet SUNDAY
with their families.
"Now where's my summer pantsF' yells the
impatient husband, after fruitless hunt from
cellar TO attic and his wife timidly points to a
pair of china Samucls on the mantel-plece ana
meekly murmurs they were so cheap. '-ki'
change.
August 10, verdict or no verdict, is the time
that Mr.. Beccher is going to cast aside care,
take on the hay-fever, and leave this wicked
world by climbing the White mountains and sit
ting down in the Twin Mountain House three
months, to get his breath.
Dan Paine, of the Ne,rs, has started a Babylon
ian garden on Il gravel roof just back OF his den.
II consists of a demoralized rose bush and q
frost-btten burgonia with an old quid OF tobac-
co in the middle distance and dismantled straw
hat in perspective .-Iadianapolis San.
She said, as pointing to the lips
Where murd'rously he'd kissed her,
I'm own it's bliss to love, my dear,
But not that style of blister"
Now they say that because Evarts speech was
seven days long, it was week argument.
All the boys at Fort Wayne, Indiana, play ball
except Homer Hasnuff. He used to; but just
after he caught line ball the other day he no.
ticed that the bones of his thumb were sticking
out Of the skin in all directions and he became
depressed with the belief that base ball didn't
agree with him. Homer Hasnuf of base ball.
A little, old, dried up man, dressed in an an.
Gent hat rusty broadcloth clothes and black
satin vest, over which was strung his daughters
gold watch chain stepped up to the window OF
the ticket office before sunrise the other morn.
ing, raped loudly on the sill and shouted: "Gi
me a ticket fur Layportc, backards and forrerds."
He got it-E1.
The Portland Press called Stephen Grant the
biggest liar in Maine, and the jury found for the
defendant.
Sister Gordon, of the Stockton Ltdder, is not
prepossessed with Mr. Hammond. Listen to
her: He is buffoon in his actions, boor in
his language and a trickster in his method
We bet new rued collar that if Sister &. at
tends his meetings long, she will think him an
angel in his actions, n Demosthenes in his Ian
guage, and Christian in his method. Give him
a show at you, sister, and you'll weaken in a
twinke.-Odkldnd Tribune.
Gen. Tom Thumb has taken thirty degrees in
Masonry. Only one more for him to take, and
he'll be as nigh as any of them.
bio Lewis declares that he refuses to lease q
hotel ofhis Except on condition that wine and
brandy are excluded from the cooking" He is !
quite right in this. We never see parcel of
men, women and children 20 Keeling and stag
gering from the dining.ro OF Il hotel where
wine and brandy are used in the cooking, with
out shedding tears Of blood, and experiencing
emotions Of the soul which can be soothed and
qucled only by Bourbon cock tail or glass or
Two OF bcer-C0urier Journal
Colfax made $1,000 last year We rejoice to
hear Of this good mans success. Schuylers vir-
tues have raised him so far above his fellow crea
lures that it doesn't give the angels any trouble
now to stoop down and scratch his head.
"Ialked to DEATH" will be the inscription on
twelve tombstones il the Beecher trial keeps up
much longer Washington Chronicle
And so our dishes are to become denomna
tional Everything appears to be settling into a
groove Presbyterian cook book has made its
appearance Others will follow, and pretty soon
restaurant walters will yell out, "Onc Presbyte-
rian outlet, two Episcopal stcws, one Baptist
chop, plate OF COngregationalist tripe and
Methodist roast" etc, etc.
Darwin's inherited income is 10000 year.
That's what comes Of having monkey for your
anccstor.-B0s'on Post.
Ma" said small boy, approaching his moth
or and exhibiting unmstakable symptoms Of a
severe pain in his bowels, do green apples grow
in cn"-Brookiyn irgus
A Boston paper says:
It is not likely to he any saving Of expense
70 run horse cars by clockwork The work may
be done by the hour, but in cloekwork it takes
two hands TO run the timetable, We simply
make a minute Of the fact, but will not dialatc.h
Who cares? The whole thing will be run on
tck-CmciHndt star
We are happy TO state that tac above joke is
not Ouis,--iJctrOG NeirS
No. it IL like all the rest OF your Jokes; taken
al second hand.-IHtr- Ocom
Wen, the strike is over and We don't care
WdSiiag'on chronicle.
Il is time these serial jokes were run out.
Court Plastcr-Plaster of pair us.-Sla,csoH
Courier.
Anna Dickinson is lccturng on the Dry Rot"
The Streator Fro Press and the Monitor are
not trying to hold union prayer meeting this
Spring Brothers should dwell together in
peace" But they don't dwell" worth fig
Hia0i& Times.
An exchange says, AN the boys who care to
be in the style you knew have had their hair
cut, shaved and sand -papered, and resemble cast
iron hitching posts or professional nosc.punch.
ers, rather than good Sunday school boys
National Temperance Convention has been
in session at Chicago the past week, and We are
surprised to find in their proceedings this state.
ment made by one Of its officers:
The janitress Of this hall has sent up request
for a collection 20 remove the tobacco from the
seats, saying no otkcr convention had ever used
so much.n
This is still more surprising when il Is stated
that ladies largely composed the convention
which voted in favor Of female suffrage 10y los t.
"a.