National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1875-01-25
ALLEY GOSSIP.
Uncle Jonah and Missus Jackson.

Unole Jonah and hissus Jackson.
Jonah Williams looked down into Mrs. Jack
sons store with a face beaming with good-nature.
As she hurried out he said to her, "MoraIng,
Missus jackson, how is you enjoying yourself
noW'days7''
"Ise trotting around about the same as usual,
thanky. How is all the folks up in the alIeyP"
"They's all standing 'cepting ole Rube Finch,
who Is pulled up with the shakes. reckon you
didn't hear Of the night up there night TO- last?"
mo sab, Mr.. Williams, 1 ain't heard the fust
word Who was 1t, Uncle Jonah. Won't you tell
"You see, l was standing nigh the l,wer end Of
the alley, when ADe Shear como along, looking
awful fierce. I'sPected there was somethin' up,
so says, ADRIAN, what are you looking so glum
fOr?' Says he, You jes watch close and you'll
see Sandy JOness corpse praneing down this way
looking for graveyard / knOWed that there
was gWine to be something lively up in the alley
comes chuck upon Sandy settin' in his door, tin
ker1ng on a pair Of old boots. Abe, he went up to
him and grabbed him by the throat until his eyes
stuck out like the backbone of ten-dollar horse.
Then he says, Sandy, what you been trying to
ruin my business fo'?' Sandy says, You better
gWo'on away, Abe; don't feel playful tonight
Abe choked him some more and hoilered, What
inell and thunder d you go and say my pies
smelled Vigorous TO, you onnary colored cuss2'
Sandy began to get mad. then. He looked ies'
like ole Dan1 Webster when he gets powerful
excited. Says he to Abe, says he, What for YOU
come here to disturb peaceful citizens fo'?' Says
Abe, What for you cast remarks up1n nv pies
TO-? If any one wants to see a mad Niger, ies'
let 'em say something bad about my pies that's
ALL Look yeTe,' says Sandy; IF you don't g'WOn
away there'll be hearse dropping round to Abe
Shears after dead niger pretty quick Abr AN
wouldn't g'won away, so Sandy got hold of his
jaw and jerked 1t bofe ways till his mouth looked
as though 1t had been struck by lightning. Tho
niggers was coming around pretty thick then.
Fo' the Lord, Missus Jackson, for q few moments
things looked aWfuIly like old times. felt ies'
as young as any cOlOred people there. Sandy, he
les Keep hopping around as mad as flea, and
hollerin', You better had set on q rIp-saW than
let this colored pussOn get Dose Abe,
he was awiully excited. TGey was hammer
ing one mother and going 1t in regular old
style. Sandy got Abe's head down next to q
water spout, and was mutiating him beautifully,
but Jes then little Charley Green come runuin'
up the alley hollering out that p'llce was COM
them that ar sort Of business had gone on far
enuf, and it had got to be stopped, reckoned.
We toted them into the house lore the p'lice
knOWed anything about 1t, and that's the plain,
unvarnished fac's Of the case, s. help me Jane
Peters,"
Williams, that 'Or alley couldn't get long no
way 'thOut you was there to be peacemaker when
they gets full OF Satan, and that's the trHfe." =
docs you think sO?" mOdestly replied Jonah;
then he continued with q critical air: There's one
thing notice about those people, and specially
the young women, they do act so ornary when
there's anything going on. They went on jes' as
a load Of furniture. / guess I'll hang around and
try to get a Job toting up stairs. Good bye,
auntie, " and Jonah hurried of. leaving Mrs.
Jackson feeling as proud as darkey with yell
low vest, because Mr.. Williams had condescended
to drop in and chat with her, and she had some
thing to tell to every customer who came In
during the day about that good old man, Uncle