The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1875-09-01
Tremendous Battle.
Mr.. AND MRS. DfCsTINoER's CONFLICT
z hwtTH THE ROCKING CHAIR. .,..I
COhio State 10 urnal,1

/ z WITH THE ROCKING CHAIR. .,-I
COhio State Journal,
| Old MoStipger was going to bed &
little wavy the other night, and not
wi.hingitos disturb, Mrs, McStioger
| wig has o. tongue like . rat. tail file,
he thought it just as we'll not to turu
on the gas: He got on very we'll
antit lie reached the door Of the
chamber where his patient wife lay
lay sleeping. Here he paused a
moment balancing on his heels like
pole on a juggler's nose. Then he
made a dash for it, in order to make
o bee line across the floor! .i
Mrs. McStinger, with her usual
exemplary fortitudo, had placed the
rookingiobair with such gifted skill
that no man could come into the
room without running overit; SO the
first thing he knew, MoStinger, stub
bed hts too nail off against the rock {,
er, which knocked tho seat, against
the oruzy bone of his knee aud made
one of It's long arms prod him III
the stomach. simultaneously ho fell
over the chair crosswise and it kicked
him behind his brok before no could
get mp from the floor, az lie stood on
allrfours. The engagement was now
fully opened. When man bogius
ia ling over ">rooking.chairs in a
dark roonI, he onght always to have
three days. rations and forty, rounds.
Before MoStinger could get up
straight bis knee came down on one
Of the long rockers behind, and the
back of the ohair came down. on his
head with a whack TINT laid him out
flat on the floor, and before he could
move, the chair kicked him three
timos in the tenderest part of his
ribsEwith the sharp end Of this rock
es. This made him perfectly furi-
Gus, and he scrambled up and made
blind rush at the chair, determined
to blow up the enemy's works. lie
ran square against the back, and it
rocked forward with him, turning
complete somersault over the han
dies, throwing McStinger halt, way
across the room and landing on top
Of him, digging into bis abdomen
like bdlPs horns as he lay spread
out on the under side. would
have been a good thing for McStinger
II he had lain still then aud let tho
chair have it's own way.
It lay flat on it's back with the
long points Of the rockers embracing
his abdomen, aud did not seem to
do anything active just then. But
McStinger couldn't make up his
MUD to give it up yet. Ho rolled
over sideways and upset she chair.
1t fell with crash on its side, giving
him furious Dig iu tue liver, which
made him stlaighten out his legs
sppsmodically, barking one shin
from the iustep to the knee on the
rocker which hung fin the nit, and
getting the chair on its feet again
where it stood rocking backward and
forward ut him like wary old ram
making feints Of butting its, adver-
sary, in order to throw him off his
guard. The Blow in the side nearly
finished MoStiuger, and while lying
there rubbing his wind back again
he was just beginning to reflect
whether his honor required him to
proceed any further in the affair,
when Mrs. ,McStinger suddenly began
screaming all the names in the
crimes act, under the impression
that the Charlie Ross abduotvrs we're
tying to Jommit "a burglary" iRiga-
ny, f1bbery and everything else.h
Up to this timo she had been
speeohless with terror, andh had
lain there trembling, shedding per.
spiratioD, and aocumu ating shrek.
ing power, until She had gained the
sofeamipg capacity of q came '.back
engine. She had just reached her
third storxando fortissimo aecelerando,
when old McStinger succeeded in
getting to his feet once more and
became dimly visible to Mrs. Me-
Stiuger. W ith one last wild part
ing shrek she sprang from the bed
and made dash for the door, near
which the rocking-ohair still stood
menaoing tho whole universe with a
butting motion. Mrs. MoStinger
had no time for Investigation just
then, and che pitched into and over
the rooking-oheir and clear on down
stairs, the chair after hor, turning
over and over, and kicking Mrs. Mo
Singer every bump, until they both
lahlod in the hall below, whore
the chair broke oil to atoms. This
ended the fight.
If wives will learn from this 50
story not to leave rocking chairs
standing around tho middle of the
room for their, poor husbands to
fall over, we shall not have written
in vaio. <.'' '"''- !
se,~A-----