The aegis & intelligencer. [volume] (Bel Air, Md.) 1864-1923, 1875-07-30
VARIETIES.

"A lazy fellow once declared in pub
lie company, that lie could not find bread
for his family. "Nor l." replied an in
dustrious man; "I'm obliged to work for
it."
A teacher in the Port Jervis public
schools was last week explaining to the
children that usually oil words ending with
"let" meant something small, as streamlct,
rivulet, hamlet, etc. Whereupon a smart
boy asked if hamlet meant small ham.
DIR. johnson once dincd with q Scot.
fish lady who had hotch.potch for dinner.
After the doctor tasted it she asked him
if it was good. ut is good for hogs,
ma'am," said the doctor. "Then pray"
said the lady, "let me help you to some
more"
-"For want of water / am forced to
drink water; if had water would drink
wine." This speech is riddle, and here
is the solution. 1t was the complaint of
an Italian vineyard man, after long
drought, and an extremely hot summer
that had parchcd up all his grapes.
"A man who cheats in short measure is
a measureless rogue. If in whisky, then
he is rogue in spirit. If by falsifying
his accounts, then he is an unaccountable
rogue If he gives bad title to land,
then he is rogue indeed. If he gives
short measure in wheat, then lie is a rogue
in grain.
To cure colt of pulling at the halter,
place stiff spring pole in front of him,
but out of sight behind his manger. Pass
the halter strap through hole in the par
tition and tic to the spring pole. IF oil is
properly adjusted, the colt will try his en-
tire strength without breaking loose, and
will be apt to go back to his manger u
great deal quicker than he backed away
from it. I ....l
"A gray hair was espied among the
raven locks of fair friend Of ours few
days since. ooh pray pull it out" she
exclaimed. "If i pull it out ten win come
to the funeral" replied the lady who had
made the unwelcome discovery. "Pluck
it out, nevertheless" replied the dark hair
ed damsel; ut is of no sort of consequence
how many come, if they only come in
black"
Somewhere in tho west, sable knight
of the lather and brush was performing the
operation of shaving Hoosier with dull
razor.
"Stop," said the Hoosier. "that won't
do"
"What's the matter boss :"
"That razor pulls" 'tio
"Well, no matter for dat, sab. If do han.
die of de razor don't break, de boards
bound to come off.
A very tall and shabby looking man,
a fellow that reminded you of yagrant
letter from fount of forty line paragon
extra condensed, stepped up to one Of our
bars last week, and, after heaving glass
of liquor into his long throat, blandly ask
cd the bartender if he could change u
twenty dollar bill. That gentleman in
formed HIM that he could. "Well." said
the tall one, with sigh of satisfaction,
"I'll 90 out and see if can find one," and
he plunged out into the cold world on his
mission. XII
"A party Of wits once stopped at q
tavern. When the feast was over one of
the members called in the hostess. IAN.
gelique," he said, II am going to give
you lesson in astronomy. Have you not
heard of the great Platonic year, when
every thing must return to its former con-
dition Know, then, that in sixteen thou
sand years we shall be here again on the
same day and at the same hour. Will you
give us credit till theni" The hostess, how
ever, had her reply. ~ am perfectly will
ing" she retortcd: "but it il just sixteen
thousand years since you were here be-
fore, and you left without paying; settle
the old score, and will trust you on the
new"