New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-06-27
The Decay OF q Noble Profession.

Hne Decay OF D NODIe t60IeoolOAs
fwsnt to be q pirate.
It was the young dream Of my innocen,
bOyhOOd. used to sit on Sunday morn
| ings, during good old DR.. Paul's sermons
on the Essential Wickedness and Logical
Atheism Of the Heretical Doctrine of Bap.
tism BY Immersion" and dream Of swift
schooner with enormous guns, commanded
by myself, and perpetually skimming the
seas of such profitable cream 40 Spanish
galleons and silk-laden Indiamen.
did not intend to be bloodthirssy
pirate. Ii blood and rapine should prove
necessary, Of course ! was ready to do my
duty as a man and pirate. and furnish as
much blood and sapine as might be re
CURED.
In ordinary circumstances. however,
intended to cOnfine my piracies to English
ships. which. as all patriotic American boys
know. have no rights that any American is
bound to respect. OF course, meant to
make all fat and otherwise outrageous
Britons walk the plank. but the rest Of the
prisoners ! resolved to set free on conve
nient misunderstanding the women with the
VI most delicacy and consideration.
The uniform that wore on board Of my
imaginary schooner consisted almost OK
clusiyely Of gold lace and pistols. At least
q dozen OF the latter were stuck in my belt,
while my diamond -hilted sword was Of the
finest Damascus steel. carried rifle in
my hand-as pirate captains habitually
do-and always fired the long brass thirty.
twOpOunder myself. My crew were de.
vOtedly attached to me. and while main.
tanned the strictest discipline. l constantly
gave them presents of enormous value,
chiefly consisting of Arabian horses. guns
and pistols.
have sat out dozens of dreadfully de.
pressing sermons with the utmost pleasure
and profit by thus dreaming of my pirate
schooner. Alas that the dreams OF youth
should so rarely develop into realities.
Those were my innocent days. Little did
good pirate that should come to be chronic
journalist.
know now that even with the strongest
sense of duty urging me to be q pirate,
piracy has become absolutely impracticable.
OF course, a man could buy the necessary
schooner and the necessary guns and black
flag: but there is nothing left tor him to
pirate.
What romance would there be in captur-
ing cotton ship or Cunard steamer
The cotton would be useless, and even if q
schooner could capture Cunard the pas
sengeIs would chat the honest pirate and
tell him he was only making believe"
IL is barely possible that an earnest pirate
might succeed in robbing a vessel with q
cargo. But then he could not take
it into port and sell it without being ar.
rested by policeman.
There isn't Spanish galleon in existence.
All the stout Indiamen with white canvas |
have given place to iron steamers that pass
through the Suez canal. Piracy is dead. |
Its game has been extirpated, and il has not |
a port in which to convert its plumber into |
money and to spend its ili-gotten game.
really think the fish commissioners |
ought to do something about it. They take |
great pains to stock the streams with game !
tor the fishermen. but they have not word |
to say in favor Ut stocking the ocean with |
game for pirates.
Seth Green ought to hatch out and let |
loose few thousand young Spanish gal.
Icons, and an equal quantity Of young silk.
laden 1ndiamen. Then. if there were laws |
prohibiting piracy during the breeding
season. and the young game were allowed
to grow. pirates would soon find excellent |
sport where they now lind none whatever.
And yet-and yet-as the Tribune power.
'ully remarks-though what the remarks
mean haven't the slightest idea.
am afraid, however, that even were the
'e. to be restocked with piratical game, the
absence Of any uninhabited tropical islands
uited tor single pirates, or squadrOns of
pirates desiring the quiet of home, would |
Till make piracy impracticable.
Now. half the pleasure Of q pirates life |
consists in his tropical islands. to which he
an retire when he i. wearied of active
nty. and read the illustrated papers and
onsume unlimited quantities Of ginger
READ and gum drops until he is again
eady to put to sea.
This sort Of thing can't be done on Long
sland or Staten Island, or even in Cuba.
here are too many inha bitants on all these
lands. who would disturb the pirates sol.
ude and betray him to that ruthless foe.
ne local constable.
1t Is useless to conceal the fact that in |
ny event piracy is too thoroughly dead to
. revived. You might as well attempt to |
'vive Schuyler COltax or tho Northern !
acitic railroad.
The modern substitutes for piracy are ex.
emely unsatisfactory. A man may be
'me popular eccentric preacher and com.
and congregation Of reckless men; but |
lere is no real fun in it, and he is ALWAYS
able TO be tried by il!-aatured people who |
mt approve of that sort of moral piracy, |
Or man who has piralical longings &
hlch he can not satisfy with q schooner I
Id black flag may establish an indie.
.ndent newspaper and rob his fellow I
'ings of their character.
But this. too, lacks the spice of adven. a
ire. There is a world Of difference be.
7een the brave pirate who orders his gun. '
II to "slap a round shot in'o that frigate .
and the independent editor who i
ders his chief writer to ''pitch into Grant | '
q say he wants q third term c
1 here may be men who would be satisfied | u
it'll this sort VI lite. but ] am not one of I
EN-. a
remain faithful 70 the dream Of nv boz. n
od. Give me piracy. or give me an hon.
living. If can not be noble pirate
VIII earn my bread in some humble sta.
n in life, and try to be 'contented with n
lot.--Aatador. in New York Graphic. "