Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-08-27
II VINO Il

Ihore is q CLASS OF people VINO seem TO
exist for the purpose of writing annony-
nous letters to newspapers, asking them
why they don't do this, and why they don t
do that; and high authorities have assert
would be no use for epidemics. But the
result of our own observation of several
cholera reyivals and green water melon
terms, is, that such people either go
through just as comfortably as other folks,
or leave their money to their heirs upon
the express condition that they shall keep
up the correspondence.
''Sir,' said fierce lawyer, lido you, on
your solemn oath, swear that this is not
your hand-writing?" 81 reckon not"
was the cool reply. "Does it resemble
your writing?" Eyes, sir, think it don ;"
''Do you swear it don't resemble your
writing?" "Well I do, old heat" "You
take your solemn oath that this writing
does not resemble yours in a single let
ter?" eyes, sir.' "Now how do you
know?'' ssCause can't write.''
1t was at party that some young ladies
were discussing tile relative benefits of the
sparrows and the worms. when one Of the
fair ones appealed to young Fizzleton. who
had Just joined them. and had not caught
the drift of the conversation, (which do
you think the worse, worms or sparrOws?''
What did the stupid brute do but innocent
ly answer. 81 don't know: [ never had
sparrows:'
ssDo you get off here?" asked the purser
of the steamer City Of Newport of a lady,
as the boat was within two or three hun
dred rods of Bullock's Point, Tuesday af-
ternoon NO." she responded, and just
as the purser was about to tell her that she
would have to buy return ticket, she
continued, 81 get off when the boat reach
es the wharf,"
It looks as If somebody is starting a
newspaper every day. The fact that hun
dreds of men who have worked in jour.
nalist's harness all their lives would 60 out
and commit suicide if it were not for the
demnition uncertainty of such a course,
doesn't seem to have the slightest effect
on beginners.
A wife who had been lecturing her hus-
band for coming home intoxicated became
incensed at his Indifference, and exclaimed:
ssOh, that could wiring tears of anguish
from your eyes!'' To which the hardened
wretch hiccoughed: " 'Tai'-taint no use,
old woman, to bo-bore for water llere''
Chorus of ladies to comey curate who is
ascending the ladder to hang decorations
ssOh, Mr.. Sweetlow, do take care! Don't
90 up! So dangerous! Do come down!
Oh!'' Rector (sarcastically)-''Re Really,
Sweetlow, don't you think you'd better let
a married man do that
When people listen to a peal Of thunder.
and mark, with awe, It's course as it goes
crashing through the heavens, they little
think that it will sour half pint of milk
saved up for tea, quicker than you can say
Jack Robinson.
If young man sits up too late with his
sweetheart out at Haddonfeld, the old
folks come into the parlor, and with re-
finement of sarcasm, invite him to wait
few minutes longer and breakfast will be
ready.
A Columbia professor, reproving youth
for the exercise of his fists, said: 1--WE fight
with our heads here.u The youth reflect
ed, and replied that "butting wasn't con-
sif1erad fair at his last school,"
81 would advise you to put your head
into a dye-tub, it's rather red," said a
Joker to sandy-haired girl. 81 would adj
wise you to put yours in an oven, it is
rather soft,' said Nancy.
The boy with the bare feet, tesselated
nants. fathers coat, and gaudy base ball
can on his head, appears to have gained a
permanent stand in this community
Danbwy Nefcs.
A newspaper biographer, trying to say his
subject twas hardly able to hear the de-
mise of his wife," was made by the in
exorable printer to say, swear the chemise
of his WIFE"
81 saw. Pat, what are you about sweep
ing ont that room?" "No." answered
Pat: 81 am sweeping out the dirt and
leaving the ROOM
aJohn, I came very near selling my shoes
the other day." said one man to another.
aHow was that?'' "Why, had them
i