The Morristown gazette. [volume] (Morristown, Tenn.) 1867-1920, 1875-06-02
THE GRASSHoPPFR WAR..
A characteristic Epistle from the
great and good Bascum,

MAR1vILLE, Tenn, May "A. rs.
To the Editor Of the Horristewn Gazette: sas
Much iss being said in the newspa.
pers generally, or the ravages OF The
grasshoppers and potato bugs, which
are causing such destruction in. some
of the Western States; and also how
to stop this great scourge. Many
remedies have been proposed, but
nothing as yet. have / seen,z viii
tend to check the onward march Of
this great American plague SO soon
as what ! shall propose. There is q
eauserfor this plague Nothing OF
the kind has. yet happened in the his
tory of the world without cause.
My opinion is that each and every
community in the United State is
keeping up quite number Of human
beings that are not only of no use to
the community in which they ige,
but are curse to the country gen.
orally. Then let MS take time by
the forelock. and rid ourselves of the
curse, before the plague is upon u.s.
1 cannot speak from personal obser-
vation of other places. but this / can
say. that Maryville. out of popula-
tion of 1900. can spare 500 as,worth-
less mortaIs to the community in
which they live as it has ever been
INV misfortune to see. There are
about $50 eroquet players at this
place. and about 175 base ballists,
all of whom, with their balls, bats
and billets, might he forced to do
good service to their country by beat
ing hack the grassh jppers. Then
we have from 200 to 300 who live
only for show, aud are dead ex-
! pense to those who have TO keep
them up. These could be taken
along. and by the use of little fla
voring extract made from green
weeds of almost any sort, would be
Ireadily eaten by the grasshoppers,
which wonld at once rid the country
of one great pest. after which the
millions of base ballists, croenetists.
and other dead headists, which could
| be brought to bear on the enemy.
from the different towns and cities
Iof the United States. forced in, if
needs be. by the shining bayonets of
Ia few soldiers, would at once ami
hilate the last grasshopper and po-
tato bug In the United States.
The authorities of our government
should look after this thing at once,
and act accordingly, hut | do not
wish to lay it before them, as have
already made many pertinent sug-
gestions TO President Grant with re-
gard to the welfare of our Govern
ment. all of. which have been treated
with silent contempt. Yet, / will
again merely suggest to his Honor,
President. Grant, that he make. a
call at once, for each and every one
of the before mentioned classes of
persons, both male and female, black
and white, old and young. to appear
at St. Louis, or some other designat-
ed point, on some specified day, and
that they Then and there lac. organ
lied into one grand army, with Gen.
Sheridan as commanderin-chi who
shall at once proceed to arm and
equip them accordingto their rcspec-
tive previous occupations. and those
who have bad no occupation at all.
(of whom there are many. shall be
used as above mentioned, as food
for the grasshoppers and potato
bugs. asFa 4J i ~
Now, lest there shonld be some
who would refuse to offer themselves
up living sacrifice for their conn-.
try's good. the government should
clothe the different communities with
power to force them ont. which they
win willingly do. As q matter of
course, it is expected that the gov
sernment will furnish transportation
for. all. Asfor frations. It Is a thing
many of them are not used to. When
all is ready for move to the front,
the musicians should sing and play =
'Come, get mp yolir bats, a nd svax let 1is haste.
Io the grasshopper ball. aud the 'tater bug FEAST
And as | am informed that grass
hoppers universally devour whatever
they attack. and in order to expedite
businessI would suggest that q green
weed or stalk of corn, or something
green, be attached to each individu-
al who has lived in this world only
for show and dress, so that when the
grasshoppers begin to eat the weed
they win not stop until they have
deyoured the worthless body also,
(the hopper will not know the differ.
eneel which will answer the double
purpose Of rii6ing our country os
this worthless class of human beings.
as also the grasshoppers and bugs,
as am satisfied nothing could live
after tasting Of their polluted and
petrffied bodies.
THos. BAscUM.