The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-03-11
Wit and HumOr.
A CRATE discovery Coal.

A CRATE discovery-Coal.
The present day-Your birthday.
How TO signal bark-Pull a dogs
tail.
A ROOM attic complaint Finding fault
with Garrett.
To MAKE a drum stick-Set it on the
head of a tar barrel.
ONE who can always get bread when
he kneads it-A baker.
WHEREVER burglar comes across a
good opening he is apt to improve it,
WHY were the soothsayers of old called
augurs? Because they were such hor-
rlble bores.
LET your motto be, elderly or
Death, and if it comes to the pinch,
take the most of it in liberty.
WHY don't the base-ballists offer a
prize mug for the championship? They
have nothing but "pitchers" at present.
He who goeth it blind sitteth down
upon the bent-up pin, while the observ-
ing man scanneth the chair seat before
he squatteth.
A CORRESPONDENT says the reason why
sailors prefer the three-masted ships to
those with two masts is that no man can
serve two masters.
AT last accounts, the Philadelphia de-
| tectives were still hard at work In the
bar-room of the Continental Hotel hunt
ing for Charlie Ross.
THERE was a room with eight corners.
In each corner sat a cat; before each cat
sat seven other cats, and on each cats
tail sat cat. How many cats in all
MIR. MUTTON, who was put off pas
senger train at Omaha, and sued the
company for damages9 threatens to lamb
some editors if they don't stop joking
about him.
"No," SAYS Smidkins, Jr, eve are
not going to Florida, but pa has promised
to take us all over to Brooklyn some day.
It's hot enough over there, he says. -
-NezD York Mail
"IF there is anything" remarks a
nervous old gentleman, (Which will
agitate person, it is passing through
a crowd of small boys who have four OF
five snowballs under each arm.
A CYNICAL writer says Take a COM
pany Of boys chasing butterflies, put
long tailed coats on the boys, and turn
the butterflies into guineas, and you
have beautiful panorama of the world. "
A SAVING husband" George, dear
don't you think it is rather extravagant
of you to eat butter with that delicious
jam 2" "No love-economical! Same
piece of bread does for both !''-Pnach.
"WHERE are you stopping, Bill?'' in
quired one seedy man of another.
"Stopping at the Russell House, " was
the reply. "Russen House, Where is
the Russell?" go, you see, I sleep in
dry goods box and rustic around like
blazes to get something to eat. 4"
A KANSAS hypochondriac, meditating
upon the death of a dog-fancier in his
neighborhood, gives vent to mournful
thought. "Our great men are petering
out sort rapid like these times. Whisky
kills most on 'em some tumble over
board, and 'casionally one gets hung"
A YoUNGsTER, while warming his hands
over the kitchen fire was demonstrated
with by his father, who said $50 way
from the stove ; the weather is not cold. "
The little fellow, looking up at his stern
parent demurely, replied : {" I amt heat
ing the weather I'm warming my
hands,"
An enterprising soapmaker daubed
the rocks all the way up the Hudson with
the appeal, "Use Smith Soap" Where
upon his rival, the still more enterpris-
ing Jones, after much cogitation, started
his whitewasher up the river to append
to each of Mr. Smiths appeals elf you
can't get jones'"