New Orleans Republican., 1875-10-03

chapter you make a man named Thompson
fall in love with her. and she is married to
him, and she goes skipping around through
the rest of the story as lively as a grass
Thompson as her second husband. You see
that kind of thing won't do. 1t excites re.
mark. Readers complain about it,"
Thunder, you don't say did that? Well,
now, do you know l was thinking all the
time that it was Mr.. McGinnis that buried
i'll the first chapter. l must have got them
mixed up somehow"
"And then" continued the Colonel, "wben
you introduce the hero, you mention that he
has got but one arm, having lost the other
in battle. But in chapter twelve you run
him through a sawmi,l by an accident, and
you mention that he has lost an arm there
too. And yet, in the nineteenth chapter,
you say, 'AdOlph rushed up to Mary, threw
his arms about her, ard clasped her to his
BOSOM and then you go IN to relate how
he sat down at the piano, in the soft moon
light, and played one of Beethoven's So
nata's with sweet poetic fervor.' Now,
the thing, you see, don't hang. A6olph
couldn't possibly throw his arms around
Mary it one was buried on the
field of battle and the other was minced up
in IL saw mill; and he couldn't clasp her to
his bosom unless he threw lasso with his
teeth and hauled her in by swallowing the
slack of the rope. As for the piano-well
man can't play Beethoven sonata unless
be knows how to perform on the instrument
with his nose, and in that case you insult
the popular intelligence when you talk about
sweet poetic feryor.' l have my fingers on
the pubic pulse, and | know they won't
stand it,"
"Well, WE'LL" said Slack, "I don't know
how ever came to-"
''Let me direct your attention to another
incendi.ry matter" interrupted the Col.
onel. ''lu the first love scene betw
Adolph and-and-let me sec, what's her
name-Mary-yOu say that her liquid blue
eyes rested softly upon him as he poured
forth the story of his love, and it's azure was
dmmed BY flood of happy tears. Well
SIT. about twenty pages further on. where
the villain insults her, you observe that her
black eyes flushed Lightning at him, and
seemed TO scorch him where he stood. Now
let me direct attention to the fact, that, if
the girls eyes were blue, then they couldn't
be black; and if you mean to convey the i'm
preston that sue had one blue eye and one
black eye. and that she had only looked
softly at Ad0lph out of the off eye, while
the near one roamed around, not doing any
thing in particular, why. she is too phenOIn-
email for novel, and only suitable for a
place i'll menagere by the side of the fat
woman. And then you say that, although
her eye was liquid, yet it scorched the vii
thing IL makes 'em delirious aud murder
GUS"
Too bad said Stack, ~ forgot what
said about her eyes when | wrote that
scene with the villain"
'And here, in the twentieth chapter; you
say that Magruder was stabbed with
bowie knife in the hands of the Spaniard;
and in the next chaper you give an account
OF the post mortem examination, and maze
the doctors hunt for the bullet and find it
embedded in his liver. Even patient read
ers can't remain calm under such crcum-
stances. They lose control of themselves
'Ifs unfortunate" said Stack.
Now, the way you mauage the Browns
in the story is also exasperating. First.
you represent Mrs Brown as taking her
twins around to church to be christened.
In the middle of the book you make Mrs.
Brow II lament that she never had any chill
dren, and you wind up the story by bring
ing in Mrs. Brown wi tn her grandson in her
arms, just after having caused Mr.. Brown
to state to the clergyman that the only
child he ever had died in his fourth year.
just think of the effect of such a thing on
the public mind Why this story would
fill all the insane asylums in the country"
Those Browns don't seem 20 be very
defnit, somehow" said Stack, thought
fully.
"Worst of all, said the colonel "in chap
ter thirty y-one you make the lovers resolve
upon suicide, aud you put them in a boat
and drift them over the Niagara Falls.
Twelve chapters further on you suddenly
introduce them in the twilight in a leafy
lane, ana although afterward she goes into
d nunnery and takes the bl ick veil, b C use
he has been killed by pirates in the Spanish
West Indies, IN the next chapter to the last
you have a scene where che goes to a sur
prise party at the Presbytsrian's minister's,
and finds him making arrangemt nts tor the
wedding as if nothing had happened; and
then, after you disclose the fact that she
was boy in di-guise, and not woman at
all, you marry them to each other, and
represent the boy heroine as giving her
blessing to her daughter. Oh, it is awful
thin. 1t won't do. 1t really won't. You'd
better go into some other kind OF business,
Mr. Stack"
Then Stack took his manuscript and went
home to fix up, so as to make the story
dovetail better. The Argus will not pub
lish it-M0r d1fer