The Leavenworth weekly times. [volume] (Leavenworth, Kan.) 1870-1880, 1875-04-15
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TRIPLES.


Bacon'= wOrks-lIam, sausage, lard, etc
-Norriss5gp H.roB.
4 ridiculous editor regrets that Washing
ton bad no middle name
Where the shoe pinchcs-On the foot O
eOursr.-hoglssora Ne.uid.
\ fashion writer saws the latest style o
ladies glove comes up TO the funny-bOne.
For the next spelling school.-Doe
v-a-c-w-m spell anything ?-LotreH ,Jo'u.
MANY editors are Of such a peaceful ma
ture that they will not put a head ON their
editorials.
There i uo more scandaloUs place than
Turkey, and yet that government Is without
an American minister.
4 Milwaukee lady, who paid so Il
have wart removed from her nose, want:
10 know whats become OF the nose.
Cro-s-eyed foreigners have a stronger
wish 10 become citizens than Others. Theil
greatest desire l. two natural ewes.
Years Of careful observation guarantee:
us in the axiom that a man who wear:
long hair is either poet or a beat Wash.
Gap.
The Cincinnati Ga-eis has correspon.
dent in Danville who writes with "per
dipped in vitriol on paper stepped in
gall"
One OF the rules OF a Rhode Island base
ball club is that no man shall make a count
by knocking his ball into Massachu,
chetts.
1t is rather disheartening to make call
in sociable "moOd," and not I've able ia
findthe first person presently .. Re
PuJIioar.
1t is the opinion of the doctor that the
lawyer get- his living by plumber, while
the LAWYER thinks the doctor gets his by
pillage.
clam going TO where | won't have to cook
beans" was the farewell sentence of an
Ohio woman who left this vale Of tears a
few DAYS since.
An exchange will I've discontinued with
the next newspaper which reaches this
Office with an account of over three child
rcn at a birth.-NiUaUkee Mems.
The loss Of false set Of teeth did not
prevent a marriage at Cairo. The bride
tied handkerchief over her mouth and
told the minister 10 goth aheath"
IN Engiishman having been solicited to
JOIN Black Hills expedition, replied that
lit Is better To- bear the hills We
ave Than to fly To h'othcrs we know not
h'oi."
Patient, to doctors, after consultation
'Tell ms the worst, gentleman; am | going
to die?' Doctor We are divided on that
question, sir; but there is majority Of YOU
that will live
Brother Jim-For mercy's sake, Clara,
what are you wearing those earrings tor :
They weigh half pound. Clara-Mortifica-
ton OF the flesh, Jim; it, Lent; and besides
Jane Gray's are half an inch longer.
We take a fiendish pleasure in knowing
that the followers of 81. Patrick will to-day
revenge some OF our wrongs. Their process
sion will stop the hor~e-cars, and the latter
will loose ever 80 much money!. T.
HaH.
when the cold wind blows, take care OF
your nose that ii doesn't get froze, and wrap
up your toes in warm wooden hose" The
above We suppose, was written in prose, by
some one who knows the effect OF cold
snows.-IIoA. C,roa.
\ man was seen, al the corner Of Four
and-a-half-street and Pennsylvania avenue
last evening, 10 drop nicble into the let
ter-boX on the lamp-poSt, and murmur
Drive on faster, driv's, urry 10 get 'ome
y'Ole ears going too slow"
An absent minded Witherhall yesterday
stepped into a store and purchased some
peanuts. After vainiy trying TO bite
through a pint or SO, without success, he
discovered that he had forgotten to place
his false teeth in his mouth before leaving
home
\ Connecticut man travelling on the III.
X. Il. H., was shown the Sing Sing Prison.
"Ah," said lac, There i where the noble
Tweed pines away hi- life and his ewes
filled. 20, Columbia, thou ant truly fallen
Thy banners lay la the dust, Boy, how
dye sell them peanuts
con which side OF the platform is my
train asked a stranger in jersey City
. depot the other dav- We'll, my friend, -
replied 4 gentleman passing, IF you take
the lett, you'll he right; if YOU take the
right you'll he left The man concluded
10 take the right one, any how.
When di-heveIed actor ru~hes across
sthe stage with his hands clutching his vest
and howiS Me heart Is bairsting," it is
then that an unappreciative audience be-
guns 10 think that the price OF admission is
twenty-five cents too high. Ii knows that
he will ring in something about ''wynd, be-
fore his paroXysm subsidies.
When 4 lady slips on the sidewalk she
gracefully sits down, and that's the end OF
II \ man, however. always tries 10 catch
himself on the other foot, drops all his bun
dies and Uses his arms for a balancing pole,
struggles desperately for about ten seconds
elm vain cudeavor Ia recover his equi-
hhrium, and finally goes sprawling like a
COLLAPSED windmill then he swears.