The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-03-11
SMITHS REHEARSAL.

i NEVER knew nicer fellow than Smith.
He was and artist. and every thing you
could wish FOR In the man whom you made
your friend.
For instance. he was good-looking, but
not so goOd-lo0king that you felt Jealous
of him when you introduced him to the
ladies Of your acquaintance. He was tall
and strong enough to take your part
where physical force was necessary. He
was well enough off not TO want TO bor-
row money of you and to lend it when
you wanted to borrow it yourself. And,
TO crown all. he had a temper of the most
suave description imaginable. If he
played whist with YOU and won. he pock-
eted the money; If, on the contrary, you
won, it didn't make the Slightest differ
ence to Smith-you pocketed the money,
that was all. To use the language of the
by-gone professors of the "nOble art of
self-defense." Smith was a man who al
ways came up smiling, and for him life
seemed TO have no care.
Ii is said to be a long lane that has no
turning, and Smith found that there was
a turning in his at last, and the turning
led him into a quagmire Of miscry-into a
Slough of DesDond. | must tell you, by
the way, that Smith, in spite of his good
looks, was a bit of a cynic. He sneered at
inferior order of beings-only suited
to make into shirt-makers, the setters-on
of buttons. and washers of garments. 1t
was very Objectionable for a man TO have
such points but then, we are none of us
born perfect.
SHOW man-in his right senses, mind,
said Smith 10 me one day, in confidence
"can go with his eyes wide open, and say
to a woman, Here. my dear, let me be
your slave for life, finding you in house
room, dresses, servants, etc, gets over me.
And the matter doesn't stop there for no
one could possibly supply woman with
all that she wished for. Then look at her
children, aud the consequent expenses
there. Even if man could treat it in this
hght-namely, that his income would dou-
bic on marriage, and go on doubling with
every child born unto hint would be q
great undertaking; but as matters are
oh, my dear boy, it's atrociausl I'll never
marry. Look at Jennings"
Not here" | said, Ito look at"
"No, dear boy" he said, suavely; 4" but
look at his position, mentally-twelve
children, twins three times, which makes
a sextet. Fancy-being a man with sex
tet! It's horrible! Try another of these
cigars, old fellow. | wouldn't be Jen-
nings for all the world"
"Nice little wife, though" said.
Yes, she really is" said Smith, T" a
most amiable little woman. How well
come she always makes you when you go
Jennings is very proud of her,"
$50 he ought to be-" said. Mrs. j.
is a model little woman loves her hus-
band dearly, and always has sweet can
did smile for his old friends. Seen her Sis
ter?"
Yes, I" said Smith, "Tve seen her. But,
after all, it's sad position for man to be
in-tied up to a woman. How he must
look with envy at his bachelor acquaint-
ances! All, woman, woman AS Milton
said, whose mortal taste brought death
into the world, and AL our woe"
Gently" / said +" if you must inflict
quotations on your friends do it correc ly."
That's quite correct, L assure you,"
said Smith.
"Quite Incorrect" | said.
"Is it really, thought" he answered,
opening his pleasant grey eyes very wide.
swell, do you know, now, L thought that
was quite right"
BY the way" said, " the Jenningses
give party next week. Are you going y
Dear boy, no. said Smith. They
asked me-" -
"And you declined?"
"Well, no, haven't declined yet. I've
only had the letter a week. But, | mean
to-"
Don't decline then, but CO."
"Why, my dear fellow, they'll have al
the children out, and cake, and oranges
and blind mans buff. 1t will be regular
rough and tumble affair. Perhaps ash
you to hold the twins"
"But you like old jennings" | said.
"Dear old boy, isn't he?" said Smith
earnestly.
"Weli, he will feel sighted if you stoE
away"
"rhink he will ?''
"Sure to-"
"Then I'll 60" said Smith. But
shall be a regular wet blanket on the
party"
The night of the Jennings party came
and having a weakness for children,
meant to 90 early; but, being medical
man, was called away, and did not reach
the jennings place in Tavistock Square
till halEpast ten.
There was a regular shrek in the dining
room, mingled with roars of laughter, tht
knocking together of chairs, and cries o.
"Take care!'' as divested myself of top
coat and hat and when | edged in
through the door, it was to see Smith, in
full evening costume, with two studs gone
out of his shirt front, his white tie a Ia
Flintwitch, under one ear, the said shirt
front regular rag, his hair all tuZZled, a
big white handkerchief tied over his eyes
young Jennings hanging on to each coat
tail, and Others batting him, as with out
stretched hands he CROPPED about trying tC
catch somebody to take his place.
"Ah, Dolby! glad to see you," saiu
Jennings coming up open-handed.
"0h, Mr.: Dolby, how late you are =
cried Mrs. Jennings.
"Rare game isn't 2" cried Jennings
mopping the perspiration off his head.
"I declare it isn't fair" cried a pretty
silvery voice; and little Jenny Grey, Mrs
Jennings's sister, with rosy face, eye
sparkling, and her sunny hair flying
dashed under my arm, just as a pair o
stout ones were thrown about me, and
turned round TO gaze full in the face o
Smith, who, with the handkerchief drag
ged down, exclaimed loudly, and evident
ly in great astonishment:
Hallow
"Caught the wrong one, eh p / said.
Didn't know you'd come said Smitf
evasively.
"Oh. Mr.. Smiths been such fun," erie
one of the children.
DO de frogs nOrnplpe agdhl. MILK
Sniff" cried twin-third series.
"Thow Mithter Dolby the pigth in IL
sthy." said another twfn-second serie
mo, no, Mr.. Smith, do make the pocl
et-handkerchief dance, and the old man
the WALL" said another.
" MY dear children, you will worry MI
Smith TO death,' exclaimed beaming lit
Mrs. Jennings.
"Oh. never mind-I-I rather like it,
said Smith.
"Give me another ride on your bacl
Mr.. Smith," cried another; and as h
stopped to lift a chubby tyrant 20 b
shoulder, there was yell of delight, an
a charge liSe hurricane-ehildren h:.nl
ing on to his coat-tails, his legs, his arm
garotting him, and he suffered it all wit
the greatest omposure-indeed, with
sense of enjoyment shining out of his faC
that was most refreshing.
At last, by insrsllments and pairs, II
family departed for bed; but NOT withol
Smith being inveiglea into carrying lit
Johnny up stairs. Then, with his feathe
smoothed, ne was called upon to go dow
to the snug supper provided for our speci
benefit.