The Democratic press. [volume] (Ravenna, O. [Ohio]) 1868-1901, 1875-04-08
AN EDITORS TRIALS.
BY "ZAIR."

By "ZAIR."
Of all the apparently innocent and
useful occupations pursued in this
surprising world, that Of editing a
weekly paper is the most narrowing
and deceitful. If it had been especial.
ly invented as a means of diabolical
and complicated torture, it would be
pronounced the most perfect contriv-
ance ever conceived in the restless i'm
agination of man. The reader who
during two or three evenings of each
week is charmed and instructed by
the stories and sketches contained in
the paper, never imagine that for each
one of these delightful articles the
valiant editor has been obliged 10
overcome, in series of tremendous
single cOmbats, q score or two of the
most determined authors, each armed
to the teeth with the most deadly
manuscripts, and encased in an i'm
penetrable armor of steely persistence.
After these fierce battles the editor,
as gentle recreation, throws himself
headlong into that vast, unsounded
sea of "Original Poetry" whose mad
: waves roll in disastrous inundation
through every editors sanctum
throughout the length and breadth OF
this great republic. If, after wild buff
fetings with these waves and deadly
contests with the metaphorical mon
sters that range through their depths,
he can bring up tWo 4dlkEthree little
pearls whose feeble lustre will family
illuminate page or two, he regards
himself as lucky and happy man.
After all this, which has been only
little mild exercise calculated to call
out his vigor, his real labor begins.
Through melancholy wastes of dreary
comic articles, into which the writer's
have introduced everything in or out
Of the world except humor, his steep
and stony read leads to bowling
Wilderness Of "Original Essays"
through which run the mad broods of
Ignorance and Folly, in fierce quest of
q tender young editor whom they may
devour. If, by great miracle, he
works his way through these dangers,
| it is only to prove the stern stuff of
| which editors are made for he is i'm
mediately confronted by vast, ,riotous,
and eyer increasing host of amateur
writer's, who hurl upon him terrifi c
storm of crushing manuscripts.
Day in and day out, from the be-
ginning Of the week to the last day
thereof, and then begin again, he must
sta mild maryland listen to the
wild rawlings of those misguided ladies
and gentlemen who, because they have
found two words in the English lam
guage Cor out ofiD that will rhyme
together, are profoundly convinced
that they are great poets and born to
deathless fame.
What dreadful deeds of awful viii
lians Gin the most unspeakably blank
of all possible blank verse) does not
the editor conceal daily in the voice
less oblivion of his waste basket? He
| is called upon to assist in the most
complicated and unutt erable of hy-
pothetical crimes. The first thing that
meets his haggard eye in the morning
is an endless missive demanding his
immediate connivance at some appall-
ing wrong-to be done in numberless
chapters. The very next instant he is
requested by a young lady, whose fer
tile and original genius is displayed in
her marvellous spelling, to
'Oh, come and twine swete 1ours with me,
And will then yurc tru love be.'
But he don't go, because another i'll
nocent young being who demands to
be informed Instantly
who is it that my hearts fond yearning
Is always to a young man turning?''
He has to forego any attempt at
solving this profound mystery, be-
cause he is immediately confronted Gin
purple ink) by an extremely ferocious
gentleman, who claims that
''The lightning split the mountains brow,
And also killed piebald COW;
And frightful flashing from each crag
1t down to earth did sev'rl drag
and. explains--in three yards Of furious
verse-that, in consequence of all this
and numerous either things that haven't
gone to his liking, he, the ferocious
gentleman, feels that
Now I'm doomed to rage in desert places,
And hate all men, no mntter what their face is. >
Before the editor has got this mis-.
anthropical being safely secured in the
place where he'll do the least harm, he
is timidly requested--in four pages ol
commercial note--by a modest young
man to accept these few poems Ga stu
pendous package of amazing rubbish)
and to send check by return mail
This last poet has sufficient good sense
l-Is - A.