Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-11-24
Odds and Ends.


PRIDE sleeps in gilded crown; con-
tentment IN cotton nightcap.
THERE Is piece of soap in Albany
supposed to be 100 years old.
In what metre should cup ina bal-
Ioon be sung2 Gas metre.
The gamblers I-deal-Four aces.
AN instigator of broils-The oyster
dealer.
WHICH is the more combustible-cot-
tonwood or tow-boatG
How to make good advice 90 a long
way-Send it by telegraph.
LEAVES have their time to fall,
Now, in November;
Falls have their time to leave,
Next month. December.
liable salt is served in China dis
solved in water, it being used in fluid
state.
''DD my moustache trouble you ?"
asked he to her. ''No," she sighed,
IL only felt little down in the
mouth"
AN Indiana lad who has just finished
reading his Bible through, announces
the discovery that the words ,ssboys" and
'girls" occur in it only twice.
A sALooN-KEEPER, in Indiana, adver-
tlsed his oystere as "unapproachable,"
and then wondered why nobody tried to
approach them.
WHAT will the pull back do on ice
This question is in everybodys mouth
just now
ENGLISH chemists complain that
several kinds of ale and porter contain
mysterious properties of intoxication
and stupefaction.
THE following order was presented at
the counter of New Bedford apotheca-
ry recently: "please give him 5 cents
worth OF the Absence of Saulth."
The question at present agitating
church choirs is, Whether "Old Hun
dred" isn't better than the new "Nine-
ty-and-Nine 2"
FIsHERMAN-''Take care, Donald
you'll be drowned p Donald
'Trooned lin a dub like this +! If I
was, I'd be ashamed to show my face in
Oban again !"
"GoD will punish, says the Orien-
tails, " him who sees and him who is
SEEM" Beautiful and terrible recon-
mendation of modesty.
s'WHY is it," asks an exchange, "that
cripples are such bad -natured people?',
We don't know, but they certainly are
not to blame for being a little crutch-
city.
MEDIUM to the spirit of Sampson
"What dye want?" Spirit of Samp-
son to medium: :" was wishin' I was
alive again, just to be pail bearer to
Guibord's coffin !"
CONVERSATION between Cincinnati
young ladies: ''She's the most disa-
greeable girl ever saw" 'sYes, and /,
the proudest, though her father packed
only hundred hogs last year" IN. Y.
Tribune.
A DARKEY left in charge of tele,
graph Office while the operator went to
dinner. heard some one "call over
the wires, and began shouting at the in
strument, ode operator isn't yer!"
The noise ceased.
MERCHANTS, you should never let
Your advertising rest;
Your big white hands were never made
To hang into your vest.
"PA, guess our man Ralph is good
Christian. Chow so, my boy p "Why,
pa, [ read in the Bible that the wicked
shall not live out hall his days; and
Ralph says he has lived out ever since
ne was little boy"
MAN with hands in pockets3: Seen
anything of job o work lately, John?
Other man with hands in other
pockets): saw one t'other day, but
didn't like to ask, cos they might a
said yes.-LOasdOs Fun.
HERES philosophy: "The particles
that DAY before yesterday were grains
of wheat and yesterday were nerve and
muscle, to-day are sparkling thought.
Hence life; hence oysters and all other
folks
The Cinnamon smile scornfully at the
idea that telegraph wire can convey
messages thousand miles in a few
seconds, but are ready enough to be-
ieve that the telegraph poles bring pes
thence and death.
A SCOTTISH student supposed to be
deficient in judgment, Was asked by
professor, in the course of his examina-
tiop, how he would discover fool. 'By
the questions he would ask, >" was the
prompt and highly suggestive reply.
dRAss-wDow has been corrupted from
'grace-W1dOw, meaning divorced
wife, or widow by grace of law. Ny
gracious | Where art thou?
"DoEs my baby annoy you nights 2"
said fond mother to serious looking
young man. who occupied the adjoining
room. s'Oh. NO, not at all, he meek
~ replied; love babies" And yet
he had been engaged for several days
upon an article in defense OF Herod.-
Brooklyn Argsss.
AN obliging gentleman. who thinks
that personal favors do aot cost much,
while they make friends, was applied to
by a niger for a certificate of char
acter by which ne might get situation.
The testimonial proving te be more
complimentary than Scipio himself had
expected, that worthy, on recovering
from his establishment, exclaimed, "Mr.
-, won't you GID me something to
do yerseH on dat recommendation p
Il