Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-03-25
VARI ETlES.


who declares that nothing reminds
him of his poor, dear wife so much
as to live within ear-shot of a saw
mill.
Alettet Ii the New York Tribune
says: "Papa has given US three
eenta o day for not sucking ,our
thum6s. We send one dollar for a
child In Kansas"
Suspicious tailor - "There, just
stand Ia that position, please, and
look right upon that notice while !
take your measure" Customer
reads the notice l"Terms CASH"
A Cleveland youth of rather fast
procliyities fell in love with par
sons daughter, and as clincher to
his claims, said to the reverend gen.
tleman VI go my bottom dollar on
piousness."
Mr.. Clark, Of St. Peter, Mimi,
upon breakfng an egg, found there
in q serpent five inches, long. The
hen that laid that egg must have had
the delitum tremens.
A petrified negro was lately found
in a garret over = law ofiioein a viii
lage in Mississippi. 1t was supposed
that he undertook to study law. and
became abso rded In Biackstone. Il I.
And now they say that William
Penn would sit down under tree
with Indians about him, telling
them of the better land beyond the
sea, and deal himself four aces every
time and wiHthe. game. 5 HoiEJ
No church is too weak to take up
a collection. a, 1i..s
1t requires no particular skill to
make blunder.
A mother-in-law in the house is
well-spring of jawyaoEzE0
Time will only hang up his scythe
when he is no mower. as5.s5
Jonah was stranger among
whales, and they took him in.
A client is never certain about
lawyer, and generally takes him on
trial.
The proper salutation when you
meet writing master is " How do
you flourish ?" 81 -, l. =, : .'.,..
''The only thoroughly blighted
being" says the st. Louis Jour
nal" sis the man who has been
deceived in a meerschaum. When
he has expended his money in pur-
chasing the costly comfort. when
he has consumed tobacco enough
to unsettle the nerves of a rhinoc-
eros, and the stubborn pipe refuses
to color, demonstrating the fact to
him that he has been sold, then
does the hollowness of the world
and all that therein is become fully
and disgustingly apparent"
A New York merchant subscribed
to the monument in honor of the
poet Bryant, supposing that he was
Subscribing for the benefit of the
minstrel of that name. On learn
ing his mistake he withdrew his
subscription. There is no account
ing for taste. Ectafiidai .ia -
An adroit thief, who abstracted
an ostentatiously displayed check
for thousand dollars from the
gifts at q wedding the. other day,
only to find that the old mans
balance in the bank was four dol
lars ard fifty cents, thinks there is
no chance for honest industry in
this city.
Old.Dr. Bancroft, Of Worcester,
the father Of the historian, was
bothered by man of reproachable
morals, who wanted to- join his
church. At last he said +: 8. My
friend, the fact is my church is
full" swell" said the rejected
applicant, "then I will go and join
the engine company" 'as 'e
A New Orleans woman wears a
hustle made of Government bonds.
Her husband looks ovc- the report
of tho bond market in the evening
paper before going home from the
club, to see if her back is up.
SYMPTOMS OF fMAIDENLYI CELL
BACY.-When woman begins to
have little dog trotting after her
that's Z ympton. When . woman
begins to drink her tea without
sugar--thst's . symphonic When a
hed--that's . symptom. When a
woman gives sigh on hearing of a
wedding-that's symptom. When
a woman begins to tell her age
that's q Symptom. hen s7woman
begins to cay she's refused many an
Offer-that's q symptom. When a
woman begins to talk about rheuma-
tisMr IL. .knees and elbows-that's
q AayWptom. When q woman begins
TO find fault with her looking glass
and says 1t doesn't show her features
right-that's q symptom. When a
wep,gH be9ins toytatk abous cold
.draughts, and stops up the crevices
in the doors and lWindows-that's a
symptom, When a woman begins
TO change her shoes every time when
she comes in from q walk-that's a
symptom. When q woman begins
to heve I cafSt zlek leiKd6 EatkmSal
4imes, and gives it sweetened milk
that's a symptom. When a woman
begins "a, say that a servant has no