The anti-monopolist. [volume] (Saint Paul, Minn.) 1874-1878, 1875-07-26
W1T AND HuMoR
EDITED BY
*. DOnne11y, JEs

.Are the young ladies Of the present
day fit tor wives?" asked . lecturer Of his
audience. .sThey are fit for husbands"
RESPONDED q female voice; "but the
trouble is that You men are not iit for
wives! [Applause.]
No matter how sad and weary = We
man NAV feel, she doesn't read much
poetry about death and the grave until
her bonnet comes back from the millin-
er's for the third time, and still isn't
trimmed to suit her.
| Mr.. Greeley did not invent the phrase
ssGo West" as is generally supposed.
The original of the remark was when
Ruth said (many years B. CD where
thou 60 West will CO." :
Cremation-.N ephesO. hope you
haven't been waiting long, unclep"
Uncle. ''All right. my boy. Been
reading the paper and had = pinch-by
the bve, its queer favored snuff in this
Jar OF yours, Fred"
/ Nephew, (aghast). "Snuff, uncle!-
liar! Good gracious! That's not snuff!
Those are the ashes Of my landlords
first wife!"
The other day man in Milwaukee
found four boys playing cards on the
haymow, and he was proceeding to give
, them lifts" when one of them spoke up
and said, eve want playin' keerds.
Tom Testers mothers mother is dead,
! and we were here showing him the
i pictures on the keerds so he wouldn't
4 teel lonesome"
: An old lady, in the expression of whose
!, face sapctity and curiosity were solemn
" blended, walked out to the end Of .
: dock on the New York side Of the East
: river the other day, and after leisurely
! examining Brooklyn through spy-glass,
: lshut up the instrument and walked of
! again, with the satisfied look Of . wo-
man who had only done her duty.
Il DR.. Gross, the celebrated surgeon,
n was once dangerously Ill. Soon after
). his recovery he met one of his patients,
It who remarked to him: 20, doctor, / re-
= lioice to see you out again. Had We lost
e Iyou, our good people would have died
BY the dozen. THANK you, madam, :
J. replied the affable doctor, .sbut now. I
2, fear, they will die by the Gross"
e A tailor and his son were in olden days
le doing q days work at farm house.
% The prudent housewife, to secure good
- :, days work, lighted casdles when day
! light began to fade. The tailor looked
:. at his son and said; ..Jock, confound
70 them that invented workin' by candle
III licht.n SAY" replied the young snip,
]" '.or by DAYLIGHT either, feyther."
VI The Reading Times tells it, but then II
Y may be the work of an imaginative re
: porter: The following is taken verba-
- - tim from Reading clergyman's diary
"a .April "a. Had fun, at church. Nc
cats, in the lecture ROOM" This aston
ished readers mind will be relieved 4
know that the seeming levity of tn
clergyman meant. Had funeral .
ich church. and MET catechumens in tn
Of lecture ROOM"
III, When young man in Patagonia fall
,cy in love with a girl he doesn't visit he
,ho six nights week and twice on Sunday
de- and feed her on molasses candy and gun
to drops, and sit up till two O'Clock in th
lty morning, burning the old mans oil, an
rem that sort of thing. Not at all. Court
as ship in Patagonia is much simpler. H
ms, lasoes the girl, drags her home benin
in his horse, and that's all the marriag
IN. ceremony necessary.
I'M :, v,.,, -
ties - OouIn .lln "oasu apPHou 80
ms 0e.c.SOH' sai0 0sa.Ol u"Js ~ 0slsso
ing - us!veI on Tue ssi0ce cats. -" ~
the nanOie muiee! dsko0 tuc S0HticAdl
rail- Handle mules, should remark that
no. could" scornfully responded the fair q
III pirant. Il have haudled two husband
' Of and my third old man is ia better sta
He Of discipline than any mule you ev'
ti6c saw. "-BErlington HaUk-Eye.
- - "You run this paper do you?" said
49, sad-faced man a. he Rugged c0w-hil
= :. into . Western editorial room. ~
.,sd been wanting to see the biggest liar
nee Missouri for some time, an'now r A
the then the editor got up and tambled hi
reat down on top Of q clothing sign on 4
YER. first door and went on with an article
was the resources Of the country.
-" A very tall and shabby looking man
~. fellow that reminded you Of = vagrs
~, ~. letter from front Of forty Line parag
r..s extra condensed, stepped up 70 one
h;rI our bars last week, and. alter having
= a. glass Of liquor into his long thro
men dandy asked the bartender II he col
: q change twenty dollar bill. That g
. The ltleman gently informed him that
their could. HWell," said the tall one, Wit
dita- sigh Of satisfaction, 'sI'll 70 out and
! the Iif I can find one" and he plunged
% Of Into the cold world on his mission.
bina-
, ne couldn't - Dluefed.
ition.
,ndon At an auction Of household goods