The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-10-21

d
ness for himself sa
Ought baker to be considered needy
loafer because he is frequently seen
kneading loaf2
The two most Intellectual things in the
world are undoubtedly blue-eyed wo-
mans rage and a liquor law.
"How we done it, is the heading of
Duluth newspaper editorial. Send up
some grammars there, quick. 47l 78
The best explanation yet offered for
the disappearance of Donaldson and his
fellow balloonist is, that they must have
had falling out.
"Cold streaks playing tag down my
back" is the way little Ypsilanti
(Mich.) girl describes the approach of an
ague chill.
Eugene-"Come, sit down on the shell
ly shore, and hear the mighty ocean
roar" Amelia-"I can't sit down, you
silly goose, because I'd burst my pin-back
loose.
The Easton Free Press says that j Josh
ua was the first man who ever stopped
newspaper. He stopped the daily sun.
We suppose he did SO because the war
news did not suit him.
A circus tiger is roaming around Bra
zil, Ind, and men who never stayed at
home an evening since they can remem-
Der are now to be found in the bosom Of
their families every night.
A western paper has this personal
item: "Those who know nice old Mr..
IF -
that he was assaulted in a brutal manner
last week, but was not killed"
New Haven, Conn, has a cat which
goes into the water and catches fish, and
her proprietor wants her to have fam
lily of more of her kind. He sees a way
Of kitten living without much labor.
A lady living near Troy has piece of
soap supposed to be hundred years old.
Isn't it astonishing how long some peo-
pie can keep soap in the house and never
feel the slightest temptation to use it.
A contemporary wonders whether Cain
and Abel ever had the mumps or the
whooping-cough. Very probably. It's
certain, at all events, that their mother
had Adam.
foolish young man out west. in
newspaper Office, desires to know why
the police are not turned out in New
York and the thieves put in. That is
exactly what has been done
A village pedagogue, in despair with
stupid boy, pointed to the letter A and
asked him if he knew it. "Yes, sir."
"Well, what is itY' 81 know him very
well by sight, Sir-but rat me if / can re-
member his name "
A Norristown boy who found a pocket
book containing eighty-fve dollars, and
returned it to the owner, refused re-
ward of five cents for his trouble, ex-
planning that many man has been ru-
ined by suddenly becoming rich.
1--WE need the means for organizing the
Democratic party in this State said a
leading politician. A western man res
ponded promptly by telegraph: "Will
ship to-day one barrel whisky and one
orator; invoice by mail.
A Presbyterian minister, while marry
ing couple of his rustic parishioners,
felt exceedingly disconnected on his ask
ing the bridegroom if he were willing to
take the woman for his welded wife, by
his scratching his head and saying, cay,
I'm wullin', but I'd rather hae her sis
ter"
A ragged little urchin came to.a lady's
door, asking for old clothes She
brought him vest and pair of trow-
sers, which she thought would be COM
Portable fit. The young scape-grace took
the garments and examined each; then,
with a disconsolate look, said, There
amt no watch pocket
"The almighty problem is TO make
living without working" as the man said
when he shouldered a stereopticon and
started for the rural districts In addi-
ton to his moral show and lecture, he
circulated crooked fve-cent pieces
The Government feeds him now at the
cost of his freedom
Sucre (sugar) is the name of little
river in Switzerland When the recent
floods fcaine, the Mayor of a city on the
river received dispatch from higher up
the stream: Sudden rise in sugar, take
precautions He puzzled over this
little, and replied: al never speculate;
have given your dispatch to confec-
TONER"
1.-TWO sons of the Emerald Isle paid
visit to Paramount Park, Philadelphia,
recently. 1n6y VlSlISQ tu0 MdtSr WOrkS.
Looking on with amazement at the great
turbine wheels while in motion, one ex-
claimed to the other: Faith, Pat, the
Americans must be quare people; they
must have their wather ground before
they can drink it. !"
A western editor, thinking to stock his
depleted larder, advertised, Poultry
taken in exchange for advertising" The
villainous compositor, seeing his oppor-
tunity to pay up a long standing grudge,
set it up, Poetry taken in exchange for
advertising" and since that time the
office boy has been clearing fifty cents
day from the waste paper man.
Mr.. Travis, n Cincinnati lawyer, filed
document worded as follows: "The
defendant Now on the 2S daysef July
1875 gives notice to the honorble police
court City of Cincinnati that he Win
Replication for rit erroer to court OF
common poliece and in the main time he
asked that the sentance and judgment
be suspended and born fixed as the court
may think just"
She stepped into the car, radiant with
youth, and looking cool and bright in her
flower-trimmed hat and speckless suit of
linen. Four young men Immediately
offered her their seats She accepted
one with an enhancing smile, and in
stantly gave it to a poor, wan, little, old
woman who had been standing for ten
blocks, whereupon the young men did
not know whether to get up again or not,
and tried their best not to look foolish.
youno lawvar in q countrv town