Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-07-29
A New View of Bunker Hill.

L y
suo-editor of the Morning Argus. On the
day before the anniversary of Bunker Hill
Bangs asked SCudder if he was familiar
with the history of that battle, and Scudder
said he was. So Bangs told Scudder he
would like him to write up a little sketch
OF Ii for the anniversary day, and Scudder
said he would try. The next morning the
sketch appeared in the Argus, and attracted
good deal of attention When Bangs saw
it he called Scudder in, and said:
Mr. Scudder, didn't you tell me YOU
thought you were familiar with the battle
of Bunker Hill?''
Yes SIR
We'll, if that is the case, / will be
obliged to you if you will mention to me
what you mean when you say:
By four o'clock the Confederate troops
were ready to make the attack. Gen.
Washington had the catapults put in line
to await their coming, and, when Napo-
leon saw them, he drew his sword, ana ex-
claimed: Soldiers! twenty centuries look
down upon your
Now, Mr.. Scudder, if you had pos
sessed the most ordinary acquaintance
with that conflict you would have been
aware that Napoleon was not present, and
that the idea of George Washington fight
ing the Confederate army with catapults is
calculated to excite the derision of edu
Gated persons. And [ wish to direct your
attention, Mr.. Scudder, to another histori-
cal lnaccuracy. At the bottom of the sec
ond column there you say:
No sooner were the battering rams
leveled against the walls of the castle than
the Duke of Wellington sent word to his
mother by Gen. Butler that he would
either win or be brought home upon his
shield. Then, ordering his men to fire at
the whites of the enemy's eyes, he awaited
the onset with that majestic calmness
which ever distinguished the hero of
Buena Vista
Now, L don't want to hurt your feel
ings, Mr. Scudder, but really, for a Jour
nalist, you know, this kind of thing won't
do. You certainly must realize that the
battle of Bunker Hill was not fought in a
castle with battering rams; and at any
/
Wellington communing with Gen Butler,
and connect him with Buena Vista, there
is actually no hope of your forming public
opinion on those topics The public mind
is made up. And then a little further on,
In the next column, you say
"' This was the very crisis of the battle.
Joan of Arc, spying Gen Jackson behind
the cotton bales, dashed at him upon her
snowwhite charger, swinging her ponder
Gus battle-aX above her head; her fair hair
streamed behind her in the wind AS her
steed pressed forward her hair caught in
the Dough of tree, and, as she hung there
| Serg. Bates shot her through the heart
with bolt from an arquebuss. Her last
words were: " Don't give up the ship."'
Now, you see, Mr.. Seudder, this kind
OF thing sets people to talking. 1t hurts
the paper. You've got Absalom mixed
up somehow in your mind with Joan of
Arc, who died about 10000 years before
Gen. Jackson, who wasn't at Bunker Hill,
and who never knew Serg Bates any more
than Serg. Bates knows how to fire an
| arquebuss. Arquebuss! Gracious heav-
en-! iI'm afraid this Office'll be mobbed
before night. The community is not ex-
cltable, but it can't stand more than GER
tain amount of insult. Serg Bates will
write us couple of thousand letters about
that allusion to him, and maybe he'll come
to see us. No doubt you meant well, but
you've about done the business for us,
especially here, where you say:
The Duke could stand it no longer.
The Mamelukes had slain all of his van
guard. Gen. Sickles had lost his leg and
retired on pension, and the enemy's Skin
mlshers, lodged in the top of the monu-
ment were pouring boiling oil on those
who attempted to scale it. Leaping upon
his horse, he shouted: I" Up, guards, and
at them,' and the next moment with the
glorious flag of truce in one hand and his
sword in the other, he hurled his legions
upon the lava-beds, and crushed the saw
age foe to the earth, killing, among 9th
ers, the Well-known Gen. Harrison, after
ward President of the United States
The dukei Mamelukesl Flagof trucel
Lava bedsl Awful sir, awful The dr.
gus is goner! Gone up, Mr.. Scudder,
Slain! But how could you bave scared M
that idea about man fighting with a flag
OF truce in his hand? And how, O ham
could you have killed man who YOU adj
nit was afterward President of the United
States? No comic paper ever surpassed
this. 1t is terrible. I think we shall have
to part, Mr Scudder. 1t seems to me that
your career as journalist ought to come
to an end right here. l will accept your
resignation.
And if anyone asks you why YOU left
the Arg'1s point to this last paragraph and
say that it was because the proprietor was
afraid he'd murder you when he read vour
statement that At the battle Of Bunker
Hill the Confederates lost O,OOO and the
Carthagenlans only 60O,' and that There
Is no spot In Virginia that the people hold
more sacred than that bloody hill where
the bones of Cromwell lie with those of
Roger Williams az If in T;fo Ior- baJ