The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-05-22
VARIETY.


Sunset Cox, in his article on HumOr'' in
HarPers for April, takes exception to the gener-
ally received theory that iat men are. as a rule,
humorous Fun and fat do not necessarily 90
together. Moisture Of the muscles and layers Of
lard have no more % do with humOr than
has with manhood. Little DIR. Holmes would
show you that By one turn OF his - treadmill.''
The beasts which feed most are the dullest, etc.
DIsRAEII on Dry CHAMPAGSE.-There was once
member Of this House, one Of its greatest OTna-
ments, who sat opposite this box, an identical
one, and indeed occupied the place which now
unworthy FILL That Mr.. Canning. In his
time, besides the discovery OF a new world, dry
champagne was invented. Laughter. Hearing
everybody talk Of dry champagne, Mr.. Canning
bad great desire TO taste it, and Charles Ellis,
afterwards Lord Sealord, got up little dinner,
care being taken, that there should be some dry
champagne. Mr.. Canning took glass, and after
drinking and thinking for "A moment, exclaimed,
- The who says he likes dry champagne will
any anything" TLhughteF.D Now do not want
tOenter into controversy with any Of my hon
orabe friends opposite who dOubG Ghe existence Of
Ribandism but this l will say, that the man who
maintains that Ribandism docs not exist, il a man
who-Ought to drink dry champagne. Loud
laughter and cheers.l
THE COCNrRY PARsox ASD TIE TURKEY.-IIalf
n century ago, when the income of Dissenting
preacher was not very large, his salary was often
supplemented by bountiiul supply Of provisions
from the well-t0-dO members OF his congregation.
A Baptist minister in HertfOrdshire used at
Christmas time % be positively inundated with
hampers filed with good things On one Occa-
sion enormous turkey was sent 10 him by the
thoughtful kindness OF neighbOring farmer
but, the minister's family had already pro-
Vided for the Christmas dinner, the bird was sent
into the market and sold. \ passer-by, seeing
this fine specimen of poultry, said, - what a
splendid turkey just the thing for the parsOn ns
Christmas dinner" And TO the - parsOn" il was
sent. The prudent wife sent II q second time to
a. u =
sum Another friend. similarly struck With the
magnificent proportions Of the turkey, purchased |
It, and also sent it to the - parsOn." Not wish
ing TO dy in the face Of Providence, the good man
said at last, % lt - very clear that the Lord /
means % have this turkey and, with the /
entire appreciation Of the family, it formed part /
OF the Christmas dinner.
WoMAs's PLAcE.-One Of the vexed questions 4
Of the day, says the London Weekly Dispatch, is /
the fitness Of women for certain occupations at \
present confined % the male animal. Cierkesses |
are rapidly elbOwing clerks from our counting I.
houses d6ctoresses are getting large practices to-
gether; we have lady 0rchestras, lady preachers,
and lady promoters Of public companies. We
are still, however, only approaching the pith OF
feminine perfection which our ancestresses reached
AZ far back as the year 1922. Here is genuine
advertisement copied from paper Of that period .
-ss Challenge. L. Elizabeth Wilkinson, OF Clerk /
enweIl, having had some words with Hannah .
Hyfeld, and requiring satisfaction, do invite her
%
quiueas, each woman holding half-a-crOwn in
each hand and the first woman that drops the
money il 20 lose the battle. Answer, Hannah .
Hyfeld, Of Newgate Market, hearing OF the reso
luteuess OF Elizabeth Wilkinson, will not fail,
God willing to give her more blows than words,
desiring home blows and from her no favor She
NAV expect a good humping Here's a big
chance for you, ladies Discuss the question at
the DiaIectieal and see If you cannot wrest yet
another profession from the greedy hands Of your
Xpu have eviieutly urpCtIsed the
siirt - once, and - 90 you can again
AIoyE H,Sp.-DanieI drew wac seated in the
Office enc day after his disastrous tilt with the
Northwest by which the boys Of Wall street tilted
the old fellow out Of two millions. There was he
curious expression on his face, something be-
tween crying and laughing ana ne appeared 70
be conten plating the vanity OF all things here De-
low, or how quickly millions take to themselves
wings and slip
costed his confidential clerk
- You paid me for some stock yesterday do you
remember the transactiOn2'
s.Oh YES perfectly replied the clerk
- Well then YOU made slight mistake, sir
Guess not | an not in the habit OF doing 80,
said he somewhat piqued TO think that such a
CHARGE should be brought against him IN Mr. Drews
- But / au sure you did; just glance over your
hooks. and if I'm mistaken, why-I'l treat
Reluctantly the clerk complied, and found that
he had made an error figuring and paid the strah-
Der one hundred dollars too much.
Drew got up and approached the desk
s.I knew it, - said the stranger, throwing down
n hundred dollar green6aek. .: make ~ II point
20 be honest" he added buttoning uF hrs coat.
a. Honest. en- p whined Daniel. turning to him;
.. honest Do you live in New YORK!
- do sir
%. You do. Ell? And you are being honest?
Well. you are playing lone hand, young man
a lone band. If you have much to do in Wall
street. vou would get awful lOnesOme-thats al i