New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-03-14
The Man VINO swore on.

He had been in the habit of taking three
or four 'nips" per day for the last fifteen
years, but on New Years morning he arose
and said to his wife:
"Mary Jane Sinner, here I've been squan-
dering at least 81 per week for more than .
dozen years.
But thought you said glass now and
then aided your digestion" she replied.
"All fudge and nOnsense!' he continued;
that was only an excuse to satisfy my own
conscience"
''And I've heard you say that it made you
sleep better-helped you TO have a clear
head" che said.
"Nonsense! Worst kind of bosh! I've
drank up $500 in the last dozen years. and
it hasn't benefited me one cent"
"Wellr'
"Well, I'm going to quit. I'm going to
commence now. No more drinks for Sinner
after this!'
Good boy-noble husband y she said,
patting him on the chin; NOW you begin to
talk like Roman-now you are going to
test your stamina"
Sinner felt pulled up with pride for an
hour or two, aud then he began to feel a
goneness along down his throat. He drank
water, cold coffee and milk, and got through
with the day; although when he went to
bed he dreamed that he was a flask OF
brandy and that member of Congress was
carrying him in his coat-tall pocket. At
midnight he awOke with his thumb in his
mouth, just on the point of taking ten
cent drink, and at daylight he inquired of
his wife whether it was the year 1877 or 1876.
That forenoon while he eat in his Office
weak looking stranger entered, took
paper from his pocket and said that he was
soliciting aid for the Kansas grasshOpper
sufferers.
"Grasshoppers be hanged!' exclaimed
Sinner 1.-The next fraud who comes in
here will get his neck broke"
His chief clerk spoke to him about order
ing some goods, and he whirled around
and said he wouldn't order another dollars
worth of goods in ten years. A young
man called to secure a place, and Sinner
threw the coal stove shaker at him and hit
him on the ear.
When he went to dinner he flattered him
self little that he had succeeded in curb
ing his inclination to drink, and his wife
matted him on the shoulder and whispered:
samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Gar Of Russia"
Going down town again he entered
saloon and asked the saloon keeper if he
honestly thought that moderate amount
of brandy would affect the health. The
saloon keeper was sure it wouldn't. The
bottles looked good to Sinner, and there
was a pleasant smell as he leaned over the
bar.
When he reached his office he kicked
chair over, hosted the spittoon across the
room, and sat down and dated letter
1877. A lady called to have him subscribe
for new Sunday school, and he
bristed up and yelled:
mo, sir-not a red! Sunday schools are
killing the business interests OF this coun-
try !"
After about an hOnr he went out
and asked doctor if three drinks of gin
per day would hurt any one. The doctor
thought not if they were light drinks. Re-
turning to the office Sinner hunted up an
old brandy hottie and sat and held it a long
time and wondered how they were made,
aud then threw it into the coal box and
went out on the street andi asked life in
surancs agent if two or three drinks per
day would hurt a man. OF course they
replied the agent. Going home
10 supper he asked three more men, and
they all replied "no." When he reached
home he said the biscuits weren't fit for can
nibals. gave the girl warning to leave, and
called his wite's brother, who was there on
a visit, humpbacked, willtul liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors if a
little brandy was hurtful. Then he went
into q saloon and asked for some pop. He
was good while in drinking it, and then
he asked to look at the label on a brandy
bottle. When he had read it he looked to
see if the cork was in very tight, and he
asked the saloon keeper if he thought
oraody would hurt any one.
When Sinner reached home that night he
threw his wallet at his wife, told the hired
yirl she might stay there five thousand
Years, begged his wife's brothers pardon,
md, as he turned handspring in the
,arlOr he broke out with:
so farewell, Mary Ann,
You must do the best you can"
Sinner was tight.-Detroit Free Press.