American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1875-01-16
CURRENT ITEMS.

WHEN is a mother Il father When
she's a sigher.
THE New York World wants to know
| if a man with a cough is not hackman
In what respect does IA locomotive re-
semhle n dream? In coming upon sleep
erS.
IT Is not safe to assume because Il
communication is written in cypher that
il amounts to o.
WHY was Robinson Crusoe unable to
get up an oyster stew. Because he hadn't
| the " skill it" required.
They say that Kalakaua has a mahog
any complexion. This accounts for his
being such polished gentleman.
THE Tichborne claimants wife refuses
to pay taxes assessed against Mrs. Orion,
but willingly pays any amount as Lady
Tichborne.
IT might be expected that Californians
would take n deep interest in a well with
a bottom so far down that D 3S5 feet of
fish-line just reaches it.
SAYS Miss Kellogg: A young girl in
her training to become a singer must
make a covenant with her eyes and not
look upon a man." Sho!
RATHER aggravating to that New York
firm which has manufactured $4,000
children's sleds this year. that there has
Don't shut child up in the dark to
punish him. The dark doesn't hurt him
bit, and he generally manages to kick
in a door panel and twist the knob off.
UNDER the nom de plume of /" Theophi-
lus Jones'" Prot. Swing is writing for his
paper, the Chicago -4Hiance, series of
sketches, entitled II he RecollectiOns of
DR.. Heinrich"
WHILE Prof Peck, of Columbia Col
lege, was at church his son Henry, with
two professionals, got away with 10000
dollars worth of silverware, mortgages,
stock-certificates, etc. This might be
called Il juvenile Peck-ulatiOn.
IT is pleasure for citizen of Balti-
more to lose his wallet. The finder adj
vertises it, the reporters make q local
item, the police hunt all around, and
when it is restored to it's owner he has a
half column complimentary notice given
him.
THE fact that our small nickel and
copper coinage is very scarce in Cali
fornia was recently explained by state
ment that large quantities of three and
five cent pieces are annually melted
down for the purpose of manufacturing
trunk nails.
"HELP the poor" writes St. Louis
editor, and while the compositor is set
basket of champagne and two turkeys
into his carriage and rolls nomeward
with the blissful conviction that he has
done his whole duty.
THE profession of dentistry is called
chronological, because in the practice of
it the patron, as soon as the operator
begins to bore cold iron down into his
jaws, calls out "Oh, don't" This is the
| beginning of the term, and the rest of it
is illogical sequence.
THE new Mayor of Chicago isn't much
on photography, and he doesn't claim to
be heavy on grammar, but let man at
tempt to tread on his coat-tails and the
Mayors great natural talent is discov-
cred punched up short distance above
the elbow.-DetrOt Free Press.
"You have a good husband, Betsy!"
I'm! $3.50! good enough as men go.
But what makes you speak of him?"
He told me yesterday that in twenty
years he had never given you a cross
word" Oh! l should think not, indeed :;
and he better not try it, either"
THE following directions are given for
detecting some counterfeit fifty-cent
notes now in circulation: On the cOun-
terfeit the lock of hair in the corner of
Dexter's forehead touches the other hair
at each end, while in the genuine it is a
&C" shaped lock, and touches only at the
lower end.
Mr.. A. BRONSON ALCoTT was once eX-
pounding his theory of the sin of eating
flesh, and said: "A man who eats pork
becomes a little swinish, does he not?
and if he eats mutton he is inclined to be
sheepish." perhaps so,'' replied DIR.
James Walker, " but l have noticed that
men who live on vegetables are apt to
be-rather -small-p"tatoes."
"OH, maj" said Miss McStinger, rush
ing in to her ma" ma, what twelve
dozen creature our washerwOman Isl"
Indeed, is she? And what's that, my
dear?" quoih the admiring mamma
'Why, don't you know that twelve
dozen is gross" replied the astonished
miss, land a gross is very coarse?"
Yes, of course. What a lovely thing
education is, my child!'
IT has been well said that the value of
a gift does not depend on its price. Love
or friendship hallows the slightest token
and when the idol of your heart Is ex
pecting holiday present of diamond
ring, and you give her instead a twenty
five cent cake of soap, it is worth at least
twice that sum to see the angelic look of
resignation that settles upon her beauti-
full face.-Brooklyn Argus.
QUEEN VICTORIA, on a recent occasion,
was paying visit to a great noble and
official When the hour of her departure
arrived her host observed that the car
riage was at the door and the train wait
ing. Somebody, however, observed that
Brown, her confidential servant, was not
there. "Oh," said the Queen of Great
Britain and Ireland, 1--WE must wait for
| him. l suppose he is finishing his morn
ing pipen
| DIR. PETERS, of Hamilton College, has
discovered twenty asteroids in all. What
| disposition the doctor intends to make
| of these asteroids when he dies we know
| not; but no doubt he will bequeath them
| to some charitable institution. Some
people may not be able to see the neces-
| sity of discovering asteroids; but he
| who finds one of those things deserves
monument three stories higher than he
who walks six hundred miles in five days.
| -Norrtstoeon Pa Herald.
THERE is danger lest the fashion of
shooting burglars on the spot will be car
ried too far. The alleged chicken-thief
| who was shot dead while towering about
| u coop in New York the other night
made an ante-mortem statement to the
| effect that he was not in the act of steal
| ing at all, but he was there hunting after
his employers pigs and cows. The alb
| surdity of hunting after pigs aud COWS
| in hencoop is apparent, but it would
| be well nevertheless for burglar shooters
| to first be sure they right and then
| go ahead.
| Strange Preservation of a Corpse.