New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-08-27

/ IN AnHaeea COektatk'
Rather an amusing and interesting occur
renee trshspired during Judge .Kelley's
Western visit, which has not until how
found lts way into any print. According
toa World correspondent, ON the morning
after his great imitation speech NJ. 'Kallsy
felt athirst and walking down into the bar
OF the TReWonk House bade the attendant
barkeeper mix him . whisky cocktail. -
+. Mr.. Kelley tasted the beverage. "See
here, Johnny he said, .'Ghet cocktail
doesn't rise and take me by the throat DO
much a. it should; want it to be all to me
that the name implies. Just make il
stronger and givsit to me in bigger glass,
Tho bsrkeeper promptly transferred the
contents into q water lumber and added
about twice their quantity Of water.
Mr.: Kelley observed, somewhat teattly:
"Hello! heAO! What are you doing, Ell i
wanted bigger drink. more: Of 4 cocktail;
you know" =.
The barkeeper smiled apologetically. AID
begging. Mr.. ,keuey's pardon. emptied the
diluted cocktail iut0 weiss beer glass,
which he brimmed with water. There wss
an ocean Of fldid family tinged with =
pinkish amber, on the surface. of which
fiosted shred of lemon peel. The bar
keeper pushed tho glsss over to- his GUS
toner, and afab1y resting both hands ON
the cOnnter, asked him how that suited him.
Mr.. Kelley first rubbed his eyes, aud then
pinched himself to bs sure that he was him
self and awake. Young man. he said at
last, in his most solemn tones. lido you call
that cocktail"
do I call that a cocktaiI?' he replied,
pityingly; "what'n b1azes do you call III
That's the best cocktail the world ever saw.
There's whisky In 1t, there's gum in it,
there's Angostura bitters in it. there's lemon
peel in it, there's water in it, there's lee in it,
and, don't they make cocktail Besid o,
it's called Q cocktail, just the salae.as dol
lar is called dollar, and don't that make it
Q cocktail! You can do anything with that
cocktail that you could do with any other
cocktail; you can drink it., you csn pay for
it; don't that ih make it as good AZ any other
''But,' essped Mr.. Kelley, growing very
red in the face, there's too much. water in
it."
''Too much water" rejoiued the bar-
keeper. why. you must have 80 much
water in a cocktail, anyhow, musn't you?
Yet get yonr whisky like what you financial
sharps call q reserve, and then you issue
your cocktail on that basic. You see, you
have an .elastic cocktaiEa cocktail that
adspts itself to the wants Of the customer.
If he wants stropg drink he don't want
much water; if he wants long drink I'll
initiate his cocktail till its volume. equals his
Necessities. 1 tell you I've, studied up this
here financial problem" -.
But, but" stammered Nj. Kelley, "thefe
isn't drop more whisky all the while, and.
every drop Of water. you add weakeus aQd
. i.That can't be- rejoined thu barkeeper.
"It's Just like finance. Whieky's wealth,
and cocktails currency. Ifyou can.expand
your currency without any Increase OF your
wealth and do no harm. why can't you in
hste this cocktail up to shOgshead full and
let ell them bummers cut in the street have
.You don't understand replied Mr..
Kelley. 'lt'A different ii financial matters.
There is the relief afforded by my So inter
Il know it, know it, brisklv answered
the bsrkeeper; II tell you, Mr.. Kelley, your
hea1'a level. Now, here is my intercon-
vertibls cocktail" Thus saying, he poured
half OF the contents Of the. weiss beer glass
into another weiss beer glass; then cod
tinted: NOV this tnmbler. is. tie bppds,
and this tumbler is the greenbscks. When
you want long drink you pour into this
tumbler as much out Of the other one as
you want; if you want q short drink yos
pour some out of this tumbler into the other
one. FITS big thing" Mr.. Haley was in
despair. The barkeeper continued:
you see I. want to return to whisky
basic, but wish to do 90 without injury to
the business interests OF the country, Now,
if you will wait till the water evaporates
and leaves The wbisky-"
Here Mr.. Kelley pmote the counter with
bis cane. Look here" he shouted, 'In
spite Of your expanding the volume of that
drink, and humbugging me With your i'd
OF c lntetcOnvertible cocktails, and talking
about returning to a whisky basis Without
dersng ing my interests, DONE you see, you
bowling ass, that that's the same weak,
thin. diluted. NAV kish, ,asteless. abomina-
BILE s,ush all the 1ime::. ! want an immedi.
ate return to whisky resumption and no
steps backwsrd.''
.Keerect, Judge" replied the barkeeper,
az he threw the inflated cocktail into the
SIM, "we'u repudiate this, as they always
DO" And he mixed another cocktail on
whisky. basis. "But," he said, "s'pose you
hadn't had another fifteen cents, or that all
the whisky in the house had been in that
cocktail. where'd you have been, eb ~
Mr.. Kelley smiled, and invited the bar
keeper to join him. 80.