Knoxville weekly chronicle. [volume] (Knoxville, Tenn.) 1870-1875, 1875-02-24
PeneiIettcS,

PenciIettcS.
Col. Hay and Mrs. Meixsell. two
celebrated mediums, are lecturing al
Chattanooga on Spiritualism. Chat.
tanooga goes heavy on spirits.
The only thing that bothers one OF
those well developed western grass.
hoppers, to swallow is "A four-legged
Table. He can worry it down. but the
legs tickle his throat.
A colored gentleman went to con-
suit heightened" lawyer and after
stating his case said: "Now, | knows
you's lawyer; but wish you would
please, sar, jiss tell me the truff bout
dat matter"
A backwoodsman, describing a
steam boat, said /: at has saw mill
on one side, a grist mill on the other
blacksmith shop in the middle, and
agreat big pot down stairs boilin' all
the while.n
The Methodist Episcopal Church in
the United States now has q colleges
and universities, 60 academies and
seminaries-the whole valued at ST.
100000, exclusive of three theological
seminaries.
Mr.. Fred. Aplin left Wyoming coun-
ty four years ago not worth a cent.
de located In "print-shopn in Mich
1gan, and January Is, 1875, he took an
inventory and 1t resulted: tobacco,
lOc; pipe, 25c; box of collars, 25c |:
cash, l5c; total, 75c.
The exclamation of an old lady on
nearing of the execution of man
who had once lived in the neighbor-
hood was: " Well, / know'd he'd
come to the gallows at last, for the
knot in his handkerchief was ALWAYS
slipping under his left ear"
A colored preacher remarked ::
"When God made de fust man He set
him up agin de fence to dry" who
made de fence?n interrupted an eager
listener. Put dat man out ~ ex-
claimed the colored preacher; "such
questions as dat ID destroy all de theol-
ogy in de world"
A Kansas hypochondriac, medita-
ting upon the death of dog-fancier
in his neighborhood, gives vent To the
mournful thought: "Our great men
are petering out sort o rapid like these
times. Whisky kills most on Iem
some tumbles overheard, and 'casion-
ally one gets hung"
~" Ihei', sdlu physician,
cheerily, to a patient, you have got
along faren9ugh to indulge in little
animal food, and" No you don't.
Doctor" interrupted the patient
I've suffered enough OH your cruel
and slops, and I'd starve sooner than
begin on hay and oats"
A young gent while doing a small
favor for one of our town girls re-
n Z i xaraF 70. d. II
full, )" to which she replied, it is well
enough, for as an ornamental object
you are certainly a complete failure.
For further particulars inquire of a
young Market Square grocery merch-
ant.
a young lady stepped into drug
store on Gay street yesterday and
asked the young gent of pill fame for a
blister-plaster and he not knowing
whether she wanted it spread or 9TH
erwise, asked her how she wanted TO
use 1t, she hung her head and blush
ingIy replied, The Doctor told ma
how"
A skaters game of base ball, on the
Hudson river, was interrupted, lately,
by the parting of the foe, the pitcher,
the second base, and the field going
one way, and the catcher and the first
and third base the other. 1t is the only
instance on record where the game of
baseball was turned into a PRAYER
meeting.
Chattanooga Commercial. We un>
derstand that the wheat crop in Rhea
has been considerably DAMAGED by
the freezing weather, and there will
not be more than half crop
There were no receipts of corn yester-
day, and buying quotations remain |
unsettled, 81 cents on wharf; selling |
in depot S5aS6. Wheat sells in depot |
at 81 GOAL. 10.
A certain Jealous but ignorant ne
gro preacher, in expounding to his |
flock as to the astonishing nature of |
miracles, got little confused in the |
matter. He said " My beloved friends, |
the greatest of all miracles was bout |
the loaves and fishes. Dere was 5000 |
ioaves and 1000 fishes, am de twelve
'postles had to eat dem all, and de mir
aCle is dey didn't bust
w. Il. Underwood, of French
Broad, arrived at the wharf the 10th |
with 200 bushels of corn. w. II. Brab-
son arrived with 1874 bushels of corn,
lO5 bushels of oats and some walnut
lumber. The corn and oats were pur-
chased by Smith g. Ault, and the lum-
Der by Ristine & May. Several other
boats arrived late in the evening. but
pad not reported to the wharf master
ct O'Clock.
braced himself against the
clearinghouse table and tried once
of tire to cut the steak. The edge of
but knife turned, but the meat show
repon mark. Then he called the wait
years, Thomas, has the cook used the
been pch lately to chop kindling wood
Marye Acellar~dOor steps ?" II don't
derelletitsaid Thomas. Why, sir?n
= - said the man "if' IL ainit