Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-01-13
All Sorts.

A =" STITCH IN TINE Wonder if it's
in his back?
QUARREL with dead men and Won will
not get hurt ~
The brokers' best corner now-The
chimney corner
OLD AGE increases us in wisdom-and
in rheumatism.
NEVER look for fun in newspaper
column headed humorous.
STRONG MINDED women will ALWAYS he
speaker of the house.
HALF the discomfort Of life is the re-
suit Of getting tired of ourselves.
WHO is the oldest lunatic on record
Time out of mind
WHAT women are doing-Dressing
most of the time
EMILY SoALENE goes to England in
June.
MATILDA HERON murdered Lady
beth.
Hot drinks are now called 8
runs.
JOHN BRIGHT may be ex
next year.
A SILVER-MOUNTED meerSchaun 20,
colored by the late Lola Monies, is on
exhibition in San Francisco.
There are no lawyers in Russia, but
nevertheless there seems to be a good
many hard cases.
A FOREIGNER who couldn't speak Eng
lish was shipped from Norfolk, Va,
duly labeled AID consigned TO some
body at Dardenelle, Ark, and paid for
as freight.
MONTAGUE, the lately captured North
ampton horse thief, proves to have sto-
len thirty-ive horses, twenty nine of
them in New Hampshire, with other
states to be heard from.
The firm of Walter A. Wood & Co.,
manufacturers of moving machines,
have just received an order for 5000
machines to be sent to England. The
amount of this order is 81 900, 900, and
to fill it and others ON hand will give
employment to over 500 m6n until next
July Albasay (N. ~ argus.
AFTER a Detroit man had sat in d
street car eight minutes to get past the
switch, he opens the front door and
shouts: "Sir, are you the driver of
this ere carr" The driver has to own
up, and the man continues: ''Wen,
sir, [ want to tell you that [ could
make better road than this out of two
clothes-pins and a brick
AT Houston, Tex, jury has awarded
1920 damages to Drs. Blake and Parker,
homeopathic physicians, from the Med
ical Examining Board, because the lat
ter refused to sit with the doctors
named This decision will break up
the Board, for none of the allopaths
will recognize their homeopathic
brethren as physicians.
"WHY, Jimmy" said one profession
al beggar to another, care you going to
knock off already? It's only two
o'clock" "No, you mutton head"
responded the other, who was engaged
in unbuckling his crutch, "Tm only
going to put it on the other knee. You
don't suppose a fellow can beg all day
on the same leg, do YOU"
The new Lunatic Asylum at .Danvers,
Mass, is to cost $1,O00,O00, and is to
accommodate 400 patients The Taun-
ton Hospital has now GA inmates, md,
when its left wing is completed, will
accommodate 900; and it's entire cost is
less than 100000 Will some one
answer the conundrum, why is this
thus ?''-Nea0 Bedford (Mass.) Mer-
curry.
Two men in California quarreled re-
Gently, and one of them fired at the
other, but missing him was shot twice
in return. Begging for his life, the
other granted it and took him home.
The next day he went unarmed to see
the wounded man and make peace with
him, when, as he reached the bed, the
other seized navy revolver and blew
his antagonists brains out
ONE who has tried it says that cup
of coffee is sure barometer, if you al
low the sugar to drop to the bottom of
the cup, and watch the bubbles arise
without disturbing the coffee IF the
bubbles collect in the middle, the
weather will be fine; if they adhere,
forming a ring, it will be rainy; and if
the bubbles separate without assuming
any fixed position, changable weather
may be expected.
A New YORK horticulturist sells Bald
win apples at $40 barrel. Here is the
secret: lake slip OF paper and cut
children's names; then place the papers
around the apples when they begin to
color, and in a week or two Mamie,
Jamie, Johnnie or Susie appears ON the
apples in large red letters. These,
picked and barreled by themselves,
bring fancy prices for the New York
Christmas market.
The Albany penitentiary will make
clear profit this year of about $50, coo.
Prisoners from many of the interior
counties, and some United States con-
victs, are sent there, and the payment
of their board covers the cost of feeding
them. A shrewd management of their
labor makes the institution a good in
vestment for the taxpayers of Albany
county.