The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-09-18
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

ing q street car in Atlanta. This ought 10 uc
warning TO small boys.-Sdtdnndh At"S
Katy is being nightly sandered In a terrible
manner from all the trees in the city num-
pGiga Gazette.
Very well, if Katy didn't why don't she make
a statements!
An Oregon man named his girl baby after
Queen Victoria, and wrote the Queen TO thai
effect She didn't seem to care cent, ana nc
changed the child's name to Sal" and went out
and pounaed the first Englishman he met.
"Hope told hattering tale" What musical
instrument ought this beautiful song to be accom-
pannied Oh? see you are bursting to give the
answer. Out with it! The Tyre, of course.
The Urbana Repabiaan says that's good place
for paper mill, because straw is SO plenty. No,
tnat means it's good place for a camp-mcet-
ing.
Two respectable and well-known ladies had
fight upon the streets of Ypsilanti, Michigan,
one day last week. How much better for ladies
10 fight upon the streets than to Brighten the
baby with row in the house.
The St. Louis Times gives the following speci.
men of the style Of wedding notices which ii,
Washington Childs, A. NJ, would furnish:
Take away his little latch key,
He will need cigars no more;
Life is real, life is earnest
From this sad and fatal hour,
Gone to meet his mother-in.law.
The Boston Ne,cS has an outrage" machine
that will turn off as neat job in that line as any
in the country, which II offers to sell, with few
secondhand bloody shirts, greatly below first
cost. Would exchange for Eastwood hams or
volume OF the Congressional Globe
There Is host of nutrmcnt in salt pork. but
yet nine boys out Of ten prefer a slice of bread
and butter with jelly Oh it-Fuiton TinaeS
One for soft money men-it was a paper boat
that won the Saratoga race-Er.
No, sir it was the shining oar that did it,
The Burlington Ha,clew tells of a tramp who
pulled so hard on dogs tongue as to draw in
its tail full four inches.
Harper's Weekly protests against the demoli-
ton of the frlgate Constitution, but it's no use.
This administration never did like the Constitu-
ton, anyway.
They have got to calling Old Probabilities
names, and enc newspaper disrespecfuly refers
TO him as Old Perhaps"
We need the means for organizing the Re-
publican party IN this state" said leading poll.
tician. A western man responded promptly by
telegraph, "Will ship to-day one barrel whisky
and one orator; invoice by mail"
1t came TO the Times Office in big bottle fill
ed with alcohol The body was pretty well pre-
served, with the exception of his stomach, and
he looked like pilgrim from the west, where
he had been growing up with the country.
Around the bottle was paper, and the paper
bore this legend:
This Is the varmint--
The rayishing hopper
Amt he whopper?
His cheek Is like copper;
He's a rObber, a ranger,
An unwelcome stranger
4 foe Of the granger,
A breeder OF famine,
glutton at cramnin'-
Give him a damnin'.
OF hunger he died not;
Neither from gunshot;
But his belly he trusted
Too long, and 1t busted.
The Chicago Times has the acquaintance of n
young man who is so truly good that he will
not bet on a game Of ball unless informed in ad-
vance what the two captains have agreed what
the result shall be- Thus do good men prosper
in this wicked world