Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-12-27

An unpaid board bill will strike ter
ror to the heart of the best poet living.
The look man gives his wife when
he suddenly .awakes in the morning and
finds her going through his vest pockets
is not studied expression. but it is ex-
cellent in its way.
People talk about the use of steel rails
as if they were comparatively a new
thing. But the Army of the Potomac
used to steal rails for camp fires all
through the war.-LolceH Courier.
A Michigan Weekly has an editorial
on the subject of "Guideboard's Burial"
at Montreal. The longer one lives the
more he will find out that we can't stop
to spell mans name in one particular
way.
Mr.. Colfax tells good story of Pres
ident Lincoln, that when he was attacked
with the small pox. he said to his atten-
dants, "Send up all the Office seekers,
and tell them I've got something can
give each of them"
"God Bless our Home" is very beau.
tiful legend and looks well when framed,
but it should never be allowed around
while man is discussing household af-
fairs with his mother-in-law, or pound
ing his wife with a stove lid litter.
You can't depend on Kansas -four. A
loaf of bread passed into a Leavenworth
jail contained two files, knife. a bot
tie of acid. and q roll of money. A
country which grows such wheat as that
cannot expect to get ahead very fast.
How would it do to adopt the Chinese
method Of treating bank defaulters I?
When a Chinese bank fails, all the Off
GERS have their heads cut off and flung
into corner with the assets it has been
five hundred years since there was a
bank failure in that country.
'Is this the doctors Office ?" inquired
man who popped his head inside city
sanctum door. mo, sir-the next fight
Of stairs" "Well l am too tired to 90
any further, said he sadly "but if you
see the doctor any time this morning,
wish you would tell him that my step
mother is dying and we'd like to have
him call if he gets time"
Madam. said he, you see before you Q
blighted fellow-creature l amt tramp
marin, | amt / have had my little
store of wealth laid away for these rainy
days; but ah marin, a relative and
speculation brought me to this sad state
in which you see me- / was long OIL
railroad stock. marm. and-eh Wood
Me? Me saw that wood 3? Madam.
feel that you cannot realize my situation
Good morning !-Boston Globe.
Gentlemen, / can't lie about the horse
he is blind in one eye" " said the auction
eer. The horse was knocked down to ;
citizen who had been greatly struck BY
the auctioneer's honesty, and after pay
ing for the horse, he said "You wer
honest enough to tell me that this hors,
was blind in one eye. Is there any 9th
er defect 2" "Yes, sir. there is. HI
is also blind in the other eye" was tn,
prompt reply.-Detroit Free Press.
An unknown man about thirty year
old is in the practice of loa6ng arOun'
the dental Offices on Woodward Avenue
and whenever he sees a victim about t
20 up stairs he cOufronts him and asks
Got the toothache ? Ia tI.g II
Yes, Oh blazes-yes, is sure re
ply. -....--e.r
And you are going to have it Pulle
out +?
Yes, | guess so. /" -~rrfh
That's right; you'll think the Thol
top of your head is coming of when b
pulls it, It's awful TO have toot
jerked i wouldn't have one pulled f
fifty dollars but then, if your bent o
it. 20 ahead. I'll see yOu when 70
come out, and in case Of any accider
I'll 60 for doctor.
Aud the tOOthache goes right AVA
then, and the victim goes right home
Detroit Free Press.