The St. Cloud journal. [volume] (St. Cloud, Minn.) 1866-1876, 1875-03-18

'KY',,o MARCH. H. 49, Is
intuition, but in realscope;lo of mind !;
|iin,judg,nent IN that rare 'trir in
women poderto7plan course oftae,
stiouMithcoutiugent 1esodrcess Bit
I did not regret thin EsknoxlsedgeiJ II
was too welLaware Of GntinNhumi1i7
fty:to fear that she would usurp :sa.l,
;thority,;or exak heraelfip conscious
nessif nottin actiopt;s but had either
Of these possibilities come to pass, in
her heart, her exceeding sweetness Of
temper; would have given them no
room to: act. There, was never. any
jar between us-no jealousy, 40. dis
pute,vre recrimination. I have seen
~a-
marriage a :purgatery without purify
ing in its fires ; I have seen, it like
hell except for limitations of existence; ;
l have seen it altogether earthly !;
and there have been brief raptures,
cut, short in their full promise
by death, that are heaven-like while
they endure. But my marriage life
was likest what swedenborg, tells us
Of the states after death, where men
who gravitate toward, goodness are
taken in charge Of a good, angel and
divinely educated up to higher and
high planes Of spiritual beauty for
my wife taught without intention. by
Fher lovely life. i All that I feared l', Vas i
that'I should, in spite Of myself, lea learn
to tyrannize over such d want Of SELF:
assertion as she showed, and become e
hateful to myself in that tyranny tllrl
even more than to her. Perhaps sIis t1is
would have ensned- had she BEEN Il
merely lovely and gentle but th there
was i certain spirit and piquancyy; in
every thing she said and did, that
svtitaHzed, q. it we're, 7 i all heIr life from
Hour 70 hour, and kept kpt : me ! always :ln5e e17
ti-z-. :. rs.i
peoting, because I never ( Knew /; certain IT Il
/ II what was to come
d And was deeper: d: ii in ! love e with her;
than eYer} The frai1 passion thaat; i in
peleedd d me to seek her for my own: Y d: Il
looked back upon almost with amuse1
men1,t, and wondered how could have
supposed myself III love when as yet
I knew scarce a thousandth part of
her nature or her power. It was love,
no doubt, that I held for the girl ;
but if that was love, what was it that
I felt now for my wife,
Nearly three years after our mar
riage Gratia: fell very ill., night and
day for week she was in danger,
and her recovery was slow and inse-
cure" The physician ordered her to
the seaside as soon as she could:';be
moved, and took her home to my
mother in June; returning, as my
business demanded me, to the house
that almost seemed a stranger's with:
out Gratia. The summer crept slow
ly away. I missed MY wife Vi e more and
more. the careless servants needed
her eye upon then dust gathered
thickly wherever it should not have
been :; the formal cfurniturey arranged
in order; suggested ideas of a funeral !;
and the solitary meal I took at home
was ill-cooked and worse served. No
flowers of a warm day. no fires intthe
chill of rain, no perfume, or grace, Or
vivid color, such as she ,:diffusede y in
the house she inhabited, wherever or
whatever it was, but a -comfortless
shelter, whose luxuries were . dreary
aids to existence an empty nest, from
which bird and brood had HoWnst;
was not able to leave my business
all that summer. A financial crisis
impended over the country day by
day / saw its *>blackness sgatheri1g 1g
afar off,: and knew it must soon sweep
across every merchant, far and near,
with ruin and desolation. Could I
escape p What would my. wife do ?
Still it was Impossible fo5r' her I, Is. re.
turn to the city; the physician i:l i fo for
|'bade it at peril Of her: life q and nd worse
than ali, she was forbidden to write; v
even to me- Ny only information
was CLEANED from: Il ny mothers week
ly epistles, and was scarcely ever any
thing but a: statistic bulletin Of # sym1pp. sgd
toms and prescriptions:
=. At last the storm began: Some
madness 'pervaded d all the business
'men / knew, Wien the pressure 5sd d,1' = was
1t its height, and trouble could d! ! no
|inore. A strange and frantic; revel1y
possessed us !: 5'liS new LET ii us eat and
drink, for tomorrow We. die" We
formed and arranged . "Desperate
club,' met ';l' every ally Of ~ two fos
'tiii;' 'fun,' as Tie outsider, =, said: W.
that If fun n that drove the most 't tenn:
perate of US to drink for the sake, 81
forgetting, and to gamble 4 foir ir:.>t The
chance Of eluding ruin. in daireecte,
shape? Sorrowful fun! miserable
mirth thorns that pierced while they
cracked; forgetfulness whose pirieee
was decency,, delicacy, and selfre:
spect! I, perhaps, resisted as long a<
any one of my comrades the degrade
tion Of giving way to these tempta
tions. but at length I too fell.
One night in October the last hope
of my firm gave way. We were help
1>s.1.. .. ~ xLsns.f c.sss