Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-02-12
|Dumurous Misrellany.
They Couldn't Trade.

but during last summer the building
was struck by lightning and burned.
When he got the new barn done man
came around with rod wagon and
wanted to sell him set of Bolt & Bur-
nam's patent lightning-rods.
81 believe not" said Keyser; 81 had
rods on the barn at the time of the
'.I know" exclaimed the agent. 81
know you had, and very likely that's
the reason you were struck. Nothin's
more likely to attract lightnin' than
worthless rods"
GLOW do you know they were worth
less?'
"Why, l was drivin' by yer in the
spring and | seen them rods, and I
says to myself, that barn'll be struck
some time, but there's no use in tryin'
to convince Mr.. Keyser, so did't call.
| knowed it, because they had iron
tips. A rod with iron tips is no bet
tern clothes-prop to ward off light
nin'."
"The man who sold them to me said
they had platinum tips" remarked
keyser.
"Ah! this is a wicked world, Mr..
Keyser. You can't be too cautious.
Some of these yer agents lie like a gas
meter. It's awful, sir. They are
wholly untrustworthy. Them rods
was the most ridiklus l ever see. A
regular gouge. They want worth the
labor it took to put 'em up. They
want now, that's the honest truth"
"What kind do you ofer?"
"Well. sir, Pve got the only genuine
Ilightnin' rod that's made. It's con-
structed on scientific principles. Prof
Huxley says it's sure to run off the
electric fluid every time. Twisted
charcoal iron, glass insulators, eight
points on each rod, warranted solid
platinum. We give a written guaran-
tee with each rod. Never had a house
struck since we began to offer this rod
to the public. Positive fact. The
lightnin'll play all around your house
with one of 'em and never touch it.
A thunder storm that'd tear the bowels
out of the American continent would
leave your house as safe as polar bear
in the middle of an iceberg. Shall /
run you one up"
81 don't know" said Keyser, mus
ingly.
Tll put you up one cheap, and then
you'll have somethin' reliable. Some
thin there's no discount on. ,
"You say the old rod was a fraud ?"
"The deadliest fraud you ever heard
of. 1t hadn't an ounce of platinum
within a mile of it. The man that
sold it ought to be prosecuted, and the
fellow that put it up without insula-
tors should be shot. It's too bad the
farmers should be goughed in this sort
of way"
"And Bolt & Burnam's rod is not
fraud?"
ga fraud? Why really, my dear
sir, just cast your eye over Professor
Huxley's letter and these certificates,
and remember that we give vritten
gnarantee-a positive protection, of
course"
"Just cast your eye over that" said
Keyser, handing him piece of paper.
"Well, upon my word! This is in
deed somewhat--that is to say it is, as
it were-it looks-it looks little like
one of our own certificates"
"Just so" said Keyser. ssThat old.
rod was one of Bolt 4 Burnam's. You
said it to my son-in-law; you gave this
certificate; you swore the points were
platinum, and your man put it up"
"Then | suppose we can't trade?"
"Weli, | should think not" said
Keyser.
l Whereupon the man mounted the
rod wagon and moved on.
How THEY DID IT.-A gentleman
in Western city, sitting in pew with
+ a lady with whom he had formerly
been on terms ofintimate acquaintance,
handed her Bible with q pin stuck
through the following verse:-"And
now | beseech thee, lady, not as though
| wrote new commandment unto thee,
but that which we had from the be-
ginning, that we love one another"
/ After reading it she stuck the pin
through the following verse and hand
ed the book back to him:-"H "Having
many things to write unto yon, l
would not write with paper and ink,
but | trust to come unto you and
speak face to face, that our JOY may be
full"
SHE MEANT BUSINESS matri-
monial agent in Illinois advertised
that he would, for consideration,
provide partners for the unmarried.
A gentle creature thus responded:
I"4Ny Dear Mr.: This is to certify that
| am a widow with thirteen children
born. and have had three husbands,
each of which died in peace in his own
way. | have small farm, and would
take another husband yet, if could
find young one; no old, bull-headed
sardine need apply: he will not be
taken in. Ten dollars will be given
to you to produce the man."
D9- Perplexed Schneider, who had
made garment for youth, and found
himself unable to dispose of the SUR
plus fullness which appeared when
trying it on the young candidate, de-
clared vociferoasly: "De coat is goot!
Is no fault Of dc coat; De boy IS too
tin