The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-05-01
BUDGET OF FUN.
kEYS.:R'S HORSE.

the story OF His AcComplishine
Cooley and went out the other afternoon
says Max Adler, 10 see Mr.. Keyser abont buy
ing q horse hat he had lie asked us into
the parlOr, and while we were sitting there
we heard Mrs. keyscr in the dining room, adj
Joining, busy preparing for supper. keyseI
would not sell his horse, but he was quite so
ciable, and after some conversation, he sad
Gentlemen, in 1S41 | owned a boss thai
never seen his equal in this State. Aud that
boss once did the most extraordinary things
hat was ever done by any animal. one
day | had him out down yer by the creek
Here Mrs. Keyscr opened the door and eX
claimed, shrlly:
"Keyser, If you want any supper you'd pet
ter get me some klnlin pretty quick:
Then Keyser turned 10 us, and said, excuse
me for few moments, gentlemen, II you
please
Amomcnt later we heard him splitting wood
in the celler beneath, and INDUCING in some
very hard swearing, with his soft pedal down
Mrs Keyser being the object of his objur-
cations. After n while he came into the par,
Tor again, took his seat, wiped the moisture
from his brow put his handkerchief in his
hat on the floor, and resumed.
AS was sayn, Nr. Adler, one day | had
that boss down yer by the creek, 1t was in 4,
Or 49, most forget which. But, howsomcr,
look ulll uoNI SCl tlC Cicch, anu ] WIS
Jest about to
Keyser, with a look of pain upon his face
You, Keyser there's not drop Of water in
the kitchen, and un,ess somes drawd. there'll
be no supper in this house, this night, now
mind me-
keyser, (wllh Il look OF pain upon his face
Well well this is too bad too bad, Gen.
tlemen, just wait half a minute; III be right
back. The old woman'S rarn' round, and
She won't wait
Then we heard Keyscr at work at
the well-bucket, and looking out the back
window we saw him bringing in a pail of
water. On his way he encountered liver
colored dog and in order to give his pent-up
feelings adequate expression he kicked the
animal clear over the fence. Presently he
came into the parIor, moppcd his forehead,
and began agin'
keyser AS was sayin' that hOss was
perfectly aStonshin'. On the day of which
| was spekin', l. was ridin' him down yer by
the creek, clost by the corn.held, and ! was
Jest about to wade him in, when all Of Il sud
dent like he"
Mrs Keyser Cat the door, and with her
voice pitched al a high lcy)-"Are you go
ing to fetch the ham from the smoke-housp,
or are you going To set there jabberin' and
going without your supper? If that ham
/
why. You hear me-"
keyser (hls face red and his manner ex-
cited)-" ERASMUS! If this isnt-well well,
this just lays over all tle--Peshaw! Mr.. Coo
ley. if you'll hold on for a second, I'll be
with you again; I'll be right back
Then we heard keyser slam open the
smoke house door, and presently he emerged
with ham, which he carried in one hand,
while with the other he made II fist, which
he shock thrcateningly at the kitchen door,
az if TO menace Mrs keyser, who couldn't
see him.
Again he entered the parlor, something of
smoke and ham, and, crossing his legs, Eel
continued:
Keyser-"EXcuse these little Interruptions
the old woman's kinder slng'ler, and you've
rot to humor her to live in peace with her.
Well sir, a, said / rode this eX'rordnary boss
down yer by the creek on that day to which
] am reform, and after passin the cornfield
| was gong to wade into the creek; just then,
all of sudden, what should thai hOsS do
but"
Mrs. Keyscr Ia; the door again. "keyser!
You lazy vagabond. Why don't you tend to
mllkin them cows. Not one mossel of SUP.
per DO YOU put into your mouth this night
unless you do Tie mllkin right off. You
shanu tonCh crust, or my names not Enc, I
line keyser.H
Then keystr lcaped to his feet in a perfect ,
frenzy Of rage and hurled the chair at Mrs. ,
keyscr; whereupon she seized the poker and |
came towards him with savage earnestness. !
Then we adjourned 10 the front yard suddcn /
ly; and as Cooley and got into the carriage .
TO 90 home, kcyscr, with az humble expires. /
sion in his eyes, said:
"Gentlemen, III tel Yea that boss story
another time when the old woman's Calmcr .
Good day"
! am going to ask him to write it out |
am anxious to know what that horse did !
down at the creek,
4 hegfo philosopher, discussing ;hc rcla !
tons Of the races, said: You know &c tur. !
key, he rOOSt on dc fence, and &c goose lie /
roost on de ground. You crap his wings, /
but somehow or other he's gwlnc to get back /,
on the fence Now, you put dc goose on de ,
fence, an he will fall of; he don't belong
dar. De turkey am dc white man. Hes
down now, but is going 10 get up again. De |
niger is de goose He better stay where he
b'longS,
Mr.. Felix O'Raflerty, disguised tONlcolo. ,
gist dong bdsrcss in Bridgeport, ON being
questioned bv Chicago Tribune reporter as
10 his vieNa upcn the civil rights agitation,
replied: viii, sor, the law is the laaw all
the wurreld over, an wheriyer you 30, an he
81 the laaw, as it is, YOU cant laygally go
20 forninst 1t. An, sor, If mulherin,
black shpalpecn came into me saloon an
ayed for a dthrink, I'm not goin TO lay me
self opon tc foines, an the devil an Phi.
How're only knows phwat, by refusin' him,
illaygally, dye moind? No, sor, I'd take the
oynadhain by the ear, an hit hun poult IN
the COB, an I'd land the ugly divil out Nv IKE
Irtefnt the guther where he belongs .Nis,
sir, PEACEFUL resistance Is phwat I'm ~ tsvorI
Of"