The Russellville Democrat., 1875-06-17

who has failed to perform 1t, and l think Rector is so entitled here.
 The Maiden's Prayer-''Papa buy me a new spring suit"
 To remove dandruff-go to Ar izona and interview the Apaches.
 Sleight of hand performance not giving show tickets to the printers.
 Uneasy rests the head that has no spring bonnet.
 What the girls say: "A thing of beauty is q boy forever"
 Isn't it singular, but true, that straitened circumstances do not tend to make a man walk erect?
 Rum joke! The Centennial of the battle of Brandywine will be celebrated with spirit.
 An itch for office does not always lead to a niche in the temple of fame. This is a humorous remark.
 None except those who cannot raise them would want inside whiskers in the summer.
 A certain young lady is so mo6- est that she will not permit the Christian Observer to remain in her room over night.
 A Frenchman intending to com pliment a young lady by calling her a gentle lamb, said "She is one mutton as is small"
 Ifyou want to teach dog arith- metic, tie up one of his paws, and he will put down three and carry one every time.
 If "Rome was not built in a day.. the inference is that it sprung up in the night, and thus became mushroomy city.
 Can you tell me when it is that a blacksmith raises a row in the alphabet? It is when he makes a poker and shovel.
 A man boosting of his pedigree to another said that his father was elevated above the common herd of men. He was hanged.
 Why is a newspaper like a tooth brush? Because every one should have one of his own, and not be borrowing his neighbours.
 "That beet's all," as the man said when he sat down to his first dinner in the new house, on nov ing day, and found the supply short.
 A lady who asked her lover il he would like to see the lambs feed, was surprised to hear him say he had rather see her eye brows(e).
 There was once legislator who laid by $30,000 in one session When he was asked how he man aged this with salary of 1000 he said that he saved it by doing without a hired girl.
 "Kill him. kill him." shouted { crowd in Virginia City as they gathered around a hotel. "Wha' for?' inquired 8 stranger. "He': got on alligator boots and velvt coat. Mash i'm"
 "Well, my boy" asked a gentle man of q little eight-year-old boy what are you crying for?" "Caust I can't find my dad. I told tho old fool if he went off too far he'C lose me- was the flial reply.
 We sec miniature baskets O champagne in the fruit stores, witl this placard, Real champagne, s; a dozen" Why should one pay so much for sham pain when three-cent green apple will pro duce real pain?
 The idea of the existence o Balm in Gilead is simply popu lar error and hallucination; other wise some enterprising' agen would have contracted for the ad vertising of that specific, at tn, lowest rates, long ago.
 A man died somewhere recent, who was principally known as tn, first Fourth-of-July orator. It, of no consequence, however What we want to see is the deatI of the last Fourth -of-July Orator A cleveland woman recently married a Chinese laundryman and three days thereafter the un- happy Celestial appeared at bar, ber's shop and ordered his pigtail cut oil saying in explanation, Too muchec dam yank.