The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-03


. The little town of Mnonk Woodford county,
is hoind 10 celebrate the 18th this year, and the
Times of that place makes the following an
/ Mnr.hal-Ex-M Mayor c. f. Weber, mounted
on a cream.colorcd horse, with an array OF heid
officers. orators from aproau, oi AlSh s''nuinS
You see it's going to be no slouch Of a ccle.
bration over there at Mnonk. That cream.col.
ored horse is toncy, Irving, and we think your
20 ahead Of any other town in this matter lhat
dent trot out i,co cream coored horscs.-h. h
/ Gazette.
/ The St. Loais RcpvblicH accuses clergyman
of that city of stealing one of its cditoriaisfor
sermon. What wonderful poor sermons that
fellow must preach.
Coffee, says the Springfield Republican,, should
be Drowned at least twice week, But how
many brownings will it stand before 1t burns upy
What lot of dolts the Danyille editors must
be. On authority Of the Times the Commercial
editor is blockhead. On Commercial authority
the Nems editor is without brains, while the
Times editor, by his own Confession, don't know
enough to go home.
The editor of the Springfield Register attempts
to poke fun at Lucy Stone because she won't
wear corsets on the ground that Eve ala not
wear any, and he adds that he would Ike 10 see
her dressed Just as Eve was when she was IN
paradise Lucy will put on corsets when she
sees that
Who can sound the depths Of woman's love?
A New Hampshire wife says of her husband
/" His kick is an inspiration, and when he Knocks
me down feel that my measure of human hap
piness is full to OVERLOOKING"
An Irish doctor lately sent in his bill to lady
as follows ITO curing your husband till he
died.
When the New Albany Ledger spoke of the
Bishop of Punstcr, it probably meant the Bishop
of Munster
Loafers around the saloons appear as II they |
own the whole establishment, while they only |
nave lean on the bar.
Quilp says he'd rather find his "sermon in
stones " than to pay $1,000 for church pew, as
they do in New York.
A wag lent q clergyman a horse that ran away
and threw him, and then claimed credit for
spreading the gospel.
The chaplain OF a State prison was asked by a
friend how his parishloncrs were "All under
was the reply,
A Louisville heather Chnee has just been
married to damsel Of the African persuasion
the first case of the kind on record
a wag Of gourmand who had made himself
II by feastng on fish, said he embodied the trio
Of the fiery furnace, thus-shadrack, me.sick, and
lbcd-we-go
While waiting at a railroad station, one min
sterial brother asked another what his carpet
bag contained. The answer was, referring to
seven written sermons, " Dried tongue
4 country editor cannot be as bold and indie.
pendent in his paper as his city brother He L
has to collect his own subscription, and almost
everybody in the country keeps dog.-Ddndury
Nccs
When clown in a circus gets SIPS per week
or giving out solid jokes, no wonder that
country minister on $500 per annum, part pota-
oes, oats, hay, and shoulder hams at that, should
get discouraged.
"Mule spinners make as high as 800 per
month. '-kLchaHgc. /,
Thanks. We'd rather not We've tried it,
We tickled the heels of a mule once and we
pun higher than 100 month. We spun at the
ate OF a mile minute. II
lady had a Sunday school class in one of the
.hurches. Two brothers attended II alternately.
)ne Sunday the lady asked one OF the boys II he
would be there on the following Sunday. "Oh, \
10" said he, 81 can't it's my turn to saw wood"
Some people seem born to ill-luck. One Of
,ur citizens being told that the devastating
,rasshoppers were coming east, despairingly
CALCULATED:
AN chaw up all the grass 'Spose an | just
got croquet set That's just my cusscd luck
very time