The Hawaiian gazette., 1875-07-14
Variety.

AgOe with fever is no great shakes.
Wearing Of the green-Playing billiards.
Hush money-The price Of family cradle.
wasberwomen always know just where to draw
the line.
What portions Of the body are the best travel
ers The two wrists.
The girl said she wanted fish that were caught
with smack
No man can lick postage stamp without dis
turbing the piece.
A tOwboat will naturally burn quicker than
any other kind Of water craft.
According to an indianapolis NJ. D., person
soon died Of spazzams"
When girl falls 10 love with an unlucky Irish
mAn her heart always pity Pat.
When lady makes your pair Of slippers, she
wants you TO put your foot in 1t.
Micawber. always waiting for something to
turn up, never thought Of plough.
When candidate announces that he will stand
on bis own merits be generally falls.
What poet was always in debt? Cowper
Why3 Because he ohd for lodge"
There is nothing SO effective in bringing man
up to the scratch as a healthy and highspirted
hea.
A metallic sort Of marriage is one where the
brides tin is matched by the bridegrooms brass.
A Philadelphia booksellers clerk, asked if be
had Chaucer, politely prOaered a paper of the
best chewing tobacco.
Warm weather helps one to be good. That is.
you don't care whether your neighbOr has big
wood pile or q small one.
Mr. oGorman perpetrated this bull in recent
speech 10 the House Of Commons " When
last spoke here was in ireland"
aOne thing" said an old topper. "never was
seen coming through the rye aud that's the kind
Of whisky one gets nowadays"
"YOu have a large family, believei" mo,
sir they are al able to take care Of themselves"
Now who's going to find the fu7 in that
lam having myself taken in oil" said we'll
known physician. cOmpacently looking round
Cod-liver, suppose grOwled an experienced
patient
why, Jennie, you look good enough to eat, !"
said a loving husband to bis wife one morning at
breakfast. aweT, I'm eating as fast as can,
amt II"
Aunt" Well, Daisy, how did yOu like church
yesterday ?" Daisy" Oh. Auuty, they were all
50 quiet aud looked SO cross, thought must
a screamed"
A certain country editor. who never fails to
make Rattering personal mention of visitors, ac-
knOwledgss au exceedingly pleasant call from
tax collector.
The only way to git thru this world and eskape
oeusure and abuse. is to take sum back road.
You kant travel the main turnpike and do it,
Josh Billings.
Judy asks what is the difference between an
empty bakehouse and tissue Of falsehoods and
explains that one is lack of pies, and the other
q pack Of lies.
aWhy did you pass. yesterday, without looking
at me ?" said beautiful woman to Talleyrand.
Because, madame, If had looked could not
have passed"
Enthusiastic English tourist to native coach
man. And is that indeed the house in which
Rob Roy was born ?" Native coachman-" Eh, |
sir, an its Just ane o them"
Can you inform me-" said student to
bookseller, whether can find anywhere the 1
biography Of Pollock ?" Yes, dare say you
vii end il il the Course Of Time"
Dr. Gross advocates return to phlebotomy |
Those who have paid up their doctors bills are
inclined 70 think that the profession has never
quite given up the process Of bleeding.
Challenging lawyer to cOlored jurymAn in
Clinton, Bouisiana-"DO you know what YER
dict isl" mo sab !" Did you ever see one ?"
a No, sab nsbber was at a show in my life." |
HRli-a-dozea horse thieves hanging in q row
formed pleasing spectacle that met the eye Of
recent Boston visitor in Western Arkansas.
alSiz hsup-sr iyraaRis," was bis Ieeling remark.