The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-12-25
VARIETY.

THROWING INK.-The editor Of the Bowman
Vile Statesman had a man arrested for throwing
ink bottle at him. Yet this editor has been
singing INK at everybody else for years-Only he
didn't sling it bottled up.
DAILY BREAD.-A droll story is told of two en-
fans terrible in the nursery. Why do we pray
for our daily bread for this day? Why should
not pray for it once a week?' "a Because
mamma always likes hot rolls for breakfast
NEvER.-Young ladies, you should never, never
undcr any circumstances, take the same kind of
sirup in your soda water that your fellow does.
Many young lady has got on her first drunk by
saying, IN take the same,' when her fellow
has decided to take ' tomato syrup in his
The LAST VERsE-Ths is the last verse of an
ode TO Chicago belle just published in st. Louis
Her o o ieetng hash
o for kisses
IN huri myself within, and drown
In awful blisses
ABOUT TmE-We learn from an exchange that
- Vermont Court has decided that no base ball
club has the right to hit old woman on the ear
with ball. If base ball clubs are thus to be
hampered in their operations by the Courts, it is
about time, think, for either the clubs or the
Courts to be abolished.
FINANCIAL VIEws.-Says the Burlington Hack
eye Briefly stated, our financial views are these
Tie-backs are better than greenbacks. They are
in greater demand; they are more constantly in
circulation they are always boyant, dreadfulIy
boyant; they are always good for their face, and
are always quoted above par, or mar either.
The ONLY CLAm.-Wiggles says that the only
claim Josh Billings has to distinction is ' biz bahd
speling'' and he adds: ''And eye kan spell wurs
than hee eVur daird tri tn. Emmy mann thaght
doant no hou to spell theigh eigh wurs weigh thann
't-h-a,' haz noe rite to klame tn bee the wurct
spelur in theaz youneyeted Steightz.'
SUPPosE.-A minister who had been reproying
one of his elders for oYer-indugence, observed a
COW 90 down to a stream, take drink, and then
turn away. " There said he to his offending
elder, /" is example for you the COW has
quenched its thirst, and has RETIRED Yes
replied the other, ' that is very true but sup
pose that another cow had come to the other side
of the stream, and said, Here's to you' there s ]
no saying how long they might have gone on"
An Oregon paper recently informed its readers
that all the ladies of the town wearing
- Government socks" The next day the ladies
of the town held meeting in front of the news
paper Office, and made demonstrations though
they weren't pleased. After barricadng the
lower doors and windows, the s1itor got up to the
top window of the house. and there made speech
TO the ladies to the effect that he had written
Garibaldi sacks" And he was kept up at the
window all day telling the improbable story.
Last Sunday good Christian resident of th;. 3
city met q colored acquaintance whom he had n - :
seen for some months, and he took him by tS>A
hand and inquired:
We'll, William, what of your future-hoS S
does it look ?'' q
sPurty bright, sah,'' responded the smiling :
William; :" lie got 'leven dollar note agin a fel-
lar at the depot. two pairs ob sleeve buttons, |
shotgun an feels if couldn't be too CRATE
fu for all dat wealth, while lots OBJ Odder nggers
are cl ar run down to one dog an an old hat -
MnKxES-ss We knows the public is down on |
US" remarked the old milkman, as he dipped out |
ri n hnt
the pubnc is mistaken. In the fust place we put /
in a Ieetle water-only bit to make up for /
shrinkage. 1t goes to the big dealers, aud they |
amt Bit keerful when they gets to pouring in
water. They sells it to the grocers, and they /
put in chalk with one hand and water with the /
other and they thinking of politics and get /
in too much. The servant gal goes after the milk /
for the family, drinks third of it, and she puts
in water to make up the measure; and. you see, |
when the family gets it the taste amt there, the
look amt there, and they goes for US poor old !
men who hasn't dishonest hair in our heads. /
That's the way, mister-gee up, there, Homer :"
Ran and John are two young gents who reside in !
Atlanta. Ga. They have not yet reached the /
middle line between infancy and manhood. Each /
one has a bright particular star to worship. Ran /
and John met q few day since to discuss the /
merits of their '' lady loves" The discussion /
grew warm. and ended in fierce wrangle.
Ran-My Ella wears tighter - tiedbaek " /
than yours
John-Aly Lucy has prettier striped stockings. /
Ran-Bah Yourn sucks candy yet
John-Don't care Yours sucks her fingers /
Ran-Y-e-s ;and what does your gal do? She's
so parrot-toed that she can't jump the rope!
John-And yours turns somersets and skins
the cat, Ell?
Ran-You-d ID better tell the mother of yourn to
wipe her nose!
J John--And you'd better tell the mother of
yourn to wash her feet
SFrom words the boys proceeded to blows, and
they grasped each other by the hair and were
cavorting around like two young bovines when
the mothers of John and Ran appeared on the /
scene. and as their two shoes were pulled off and
applied, the boys though of
~Two soIes that beat one.'