The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-08-21
VARIETY.


WILL I?-Johnny Gust from the fruiterer's)
"a Mamma, if / eat dates enough viii grow
mp to be an almanac.
EASILY Cent left lock of hair here
few days ago TO be fitted in a lockct. Is it--ah
--ready?'' Artistic Very sorry, sir; it has
been mislaid But it's of no consequence, sir.
We can easily get it matched, sir :"
LY1Sc.-In Paris, they say, the best of men lie
ten times q day, the best Of women twenty times
day, the fashionable man hundred times
n day. No estimate has ever been made rs to
how many times day fashionable woman lies.
BETTER VERsED-i. She's perfect Amazon
said pupil in one of our schools OF his teacher
70 n companion. - Yes" said the other, who
was better versed in geography than history, SO
noticed she had an awful big mouth
A man who had saved the life of a daughter of
. Boston millionaire received two dollars and
half from the grateful parent He was so over
come with the magnificent bounty that he paid
out every cent Of it to seventeen organ grinders
to serenade bis benefactOT.
4 man in Nevada, who has been named for
the Legislature. is now practicing for that posi-
ton lie can already drink two quarts of whs-
key per day. accept n five hundred dollar brbe
without wincing, and hurl an inkstand at hat
on n desk and knock it off nine times out of ten.
I.ovxa-A Milwaukee chap kissed his girl
about forty times right straight along, and when
he stopped the tears came into her eyes, and she
said in sad tone Of voice: g All, John, fear
you have ceased to love me-" Z" No, haven't"
replied John, - but must breathe.
WHAT He Would Do.-The Baptists of Cat
skill, ut communion, recently, found themselves
without wine a thief had somehow stolen it,
and the Recorder adds: 90 Any man who would
rob church will slide down hill in his grand
mothers coffin
Ills W1sH-A Delaware man married u wo-
man because she was deaf, and he thought she
KENT her tongue still. So che did, but when he
ELI into the well and yelled himself hoarse trying
to make her hear, he wished she had ears foot
long and could hear whisper a mile away
SELLING PnLs.-A fellow with red nose
and blind in one eye is selling the negroes down
South, a pill warranted to make them white and
in about fifteen minutes after they swallow 1t
they lean across n sawbuck and turn themselves
inside out but the white is all in their eye
MopEsr.-The historic modest woman who
wanted pantaettes put on the piano will please
step down ont of her nicho TO make room for
Mrs. Kent of Springfield, who declined to let
her daughter participate in a spelling match
because she understood some knOtty words were
to be given out.
KNOWING Docs.-Says the Petersburg, Va,
Times Every dog in town seems TO know the
dog-cnrt, and also knows when his license is
maid. II he wears the requisite pass he follows
the dog-catchers, and seems 10 delight IN the
ne IA not thus provided he sncaks around corners,
dnshes into alleys, and behaves just like q man
gYho is in debt and is afraid TO meet his creditors
WANTED Hrs RIGuTs-.' Ish der ledder
here for me?' inquired German at the gen
eral delivery window at the Post-oice on Satur-
day. No none here was the reply. 4" Veil,
dottish QUEER he continued, getting his head
into the window my neighbor gets sometimes
dree ledders in one day, und get none. L pays
more daxes as he does, und 1 haf never got one
iedder yet How comes dose dings? ?"
4 Boston paper gives the following description
of Gen. Butler as he recently appeared on the
witness stand Butler stepped slowly to the
railing, and was sworn lie reverehtiy hlsseu
rhe Bible and then took his seat in the witness
chair lie seemed about to smile, and then his
features assumed an expression OF anger The
great bulging eye twisted and opened like clam
shell. His other eye was attacked with q ut OF
wlnks and he made the most horrible grimaces
for few seconds, winding up with q smile which
the demon of the stage might have enVIed
The ingenious French have contrived a novel
way to impress the barbaric mind. NJ. dc Braxza,
who has charge of the expedition TO Senegal,
carries an electric battery in his pocket connec-
ting with two rings his hands and with other
apnaratus scattered about his person When he
shakes hands with savage chief that chief will
ne yery much astonished for an electric shock
will run up his arm, and he will see lightning
rIaving about the head Of his visitor Naturally
he will think he is being interviewed by the
devil. and will be ready to consent to anything
in order TO get away.
The American orator +" still lives and was at
the MeckIenburg centennial in all his glory.
Hear him 60 This day, Ebal and Gerizim,
Sinai and Calvary, Bethlehem and Jerusalem,
ali rise fresh before memories. We have
gathered around these old altars of freedom and
6oisted the hoodgates OF joys. All the
nurseries OF the land ought to be made vocal
With Cardinals songs, and our Juvenile orators
ouoht 70 make them ring in scholastic declama-
tTo5 in the one hundred and forty thousand
schools and colleges in the land. Ii is time we
ITere tearing the poppies from our brows and
adjoining them with bays and laurels."
At an auction of household goods in Harrison
avenue Yesterday, when woman had made
lid ON an old bureau worth about 81 boy
sJ;nred around to another woman and whispered ::
.sYou see that woman over there with blue
bow on?''
Yes"
.sWell, she says that woman with n red
rose can buy any thing at this sale !"
The woman with the red nose pushed her way
into the crowd ard run the price of the bureau
IN 20 SI2, andsas it was knocked down to her
che remarked:
81 may have red nose, but no cross-eyed
=vomen with n blue bow on can bluff me -