The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-01-23
Max AdeIer's HumOr-They Couldn't Trade.

keySer had lightning rods placed up
on his barn three or four years ago; but
during last summer the building was
struck by lightning, and burned. When
he got the new barn done, man came
around with rod wagon and wanted to
sell him set of Colt u Burnam's patent
lightning rods.
RI believe not" said Keyser, 81 had
rods on the barn at the time Of the -"
81 know" exclaimed the agent. 81
know you had, and very likely that's the
reason you were struck. Nothin's more
likely to attract lightnin' than worthless
rods"
"How DO you know they were worth
lessw
"Why, ! was drivin by yer in the
spring, and seen them rods, and l says
to myself, that barn'll be struck some
time, but there's no use in tryin' to con-
vince Mr.. Keyser; SO ! didn't call. 1
knowed it, because they had iron tips.
A rod with iron tips is no better'n a
clothes prop to ward off lightnin'."
"The man who sold them TO me said
they had platinum tips" remarked Key
ser.
"Ah, this is a wicked world, Mr.. Key
ser. You. can't be too cautious. Some
OF these yer agents lie like a gas meter.
It's awful, sir. They are wholly untrust-
worthy. Them rods was the most ridik-
lus sham ever see. A regular gouge.
'em up. They Wa'anJ now, that's the
honest truth"
'What kind do you offer~
"Well, sir, Pve got the only genuine
| lightnin' rod that's made. It's con-
structed on scientific principles. Prof.
| HUXLEY says it's sure TO run Off the elec-
trio fluid every time. Twisted charcoal
iron; glass insulators, eight points on
| each rod, warranted solid platinum. We
| give written guarantee with each rod.
Never had house struck since we be-
gan to offer this rod to the public. Posi-
! tive fact. The llghtnin'il play all around
a house with one of 'em and never touch
| it. A thunder storm that'd tear the
bowels out of the American continent
| would leave your house as safe as a po-
lar bear i'll the middle of an iceberg,
Shall run you one up?"
81 don't know" said Keyser, mus.
ingly:
"I'll put you up one cheap, and then
you'll have somethin' reliable. Some.
thin there's no discount on"
"You say the old rod was traud?"
"Tne deadlicst fraud you ever heard
! of. 1t hadn't an ounce of platinum with
in mile of it. The man that sold it ought
to be prosecuted, and the fellow that put
it up without nsulators should be shot
It's too bad the farmers should be gouged
in this sort Of way"
"And Bolt & Burnam's rod is not q
fraudW
"A fraud? Why really, my dear sir
just cast your eye over Professor HuX
ley's letter and these certificates, ant
remember that we give a Written g,ldra,,
tee-posulve protection, OF COURSE"
"JuSt cast your eye over that" sale
Keyser, handing him q piece OF paper.
"Well. upon my word! This is indeed
somewhat-that is to say 1t 10, as 1t were
1t looks-it looks little like one OF oul
own certificates"
: Just so," said Keyser. "That old rot
was one OF Bolt h Burnam's. You sait
1t TO my son-in-law; you gave this Ger
: tiiicate; you swore the points were plati
mum, and your man put it up."
Then l suppose We can't iradep
"Well, should think not" said Key
ser.
!, Whereupon the man mounted the rec
wagon and moved OIL.