The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-07-02
All Sorts.


shall / do?"
A Newark girl hastened the departure
of a lingering gentleman caller the other
evening ny rrima-king as she looked ont
of the window: Il think We shall have
a beautiful sunrise"
Costly furniture-Indian bureaus.
The rival railroads will soon be issu-
ing chromos.
A Schenectady girl at spelling school
sat down on pantaloons.
At a recent spelling match one man
spelt it ''pasnip' and got beet.
One swallow does not make a spring,
but a dozen swallows sometimes make
one fall
No man can become thoroughly ac-
quainted with his family history with
out running for Office.
The Snake Run Academy is the name
of an Indiana school. The scholars
must all be adders.
"Quills are thing$that are sometimes
taken from tine pinions Of one goose to
spread the opinions of another.
Old gent-"W;.at do you ear speces
for, boy?" Bootblack-''Cos / puts such
shiny shine on gentlemen's boots it
hurts me eyes"
The man who prononnces "Don
Quixote" "Donkeyhote" shows dispos-
ition TO intrude his own name that is not
commendable.
clnb In New York paper, writes the
editor to known if the club is good for
anything for grasshoppers.
"What kind of sassages is them?"
queried an Old lady of the young man of
literature and peanuts, as he passed
/ through the train selling bananas.
How a woman can keep on talking
while she twists up her back hair and
has her mouth full of hairpins IS mys-
terry not yet xplained.---[C Carl Pre,zel.
An Illinois woman who wanted to go
to masquerade party as Mary, Queen of
Scots. looked through the Bible to ascer-
tian how the character was dressed
The Florentine version of the Nc
| Closkey hat ceremony is best. The
Epoca said: "Gen. Grant Will with his
own hands place the heretta on Mok-
lok's head
Artists have adopted many emblems OF
charity. We wonder if none of them
ever thought of piece of In dia-rnbber,
which gives more than any other sub
stance.
A kind hearted. peace-loving Balti-
more man painted his front steps twen-
ty-ihree times trying TO please his wife,
and then she decided that the first color
was the best.
Reynolds, The dramatist, observing
the thinness of the house at one of his
pieces, said: 81 suppose it is owing to
the warp "No," was the reply, at is
owing to the piece"
A young lady, after reading attentive
ly the title of a novel, called "The Last
Man," exclaimed, "Bless me, if such a
thing were ever to happen, what would
become of the women.
81 declare" said Susan, as she watched
the people coming into church ''that
man looks like piece of dried beef. u
"Hush!" said her sister, 1T isn't meet in
you to talk So" s
"Wil you have small piece of the
light meat or small piece ofthe dark?'
asked Bob's uncle, as he carved the
turkey at dinner. II will take large
piece of both" answered Bob.
If, says a contemporary, Brigham
Young wore an additional "weed" on
his hat every time he lost wife or
mother-in-law, it is estimated his hat
would have to be twenty seven feet high
Yet another warning. Joseph Bates
of Vermont, falls dead while carrying in
an armful of wood. Show this para
graph to your wife. Nay, cut it out and
pin it to the woodshed door.
| A near-sighted Boston man was lately
riding in street car, when lady OPP
posite bowed to him. lie returned the
bow, raised his hat, smiled sweetly, and
was just wondering who she was, when
she came over and whispered in his ear,
"Oh? I'll fix you for this, old manl
| Then he knew it was his wife.
It is the sagacious remark of keen
observer that you can generally tell a
newly married couple at the dinner table,
by the Indignation of the groom when a
| fly alights on the brides butter.
When a boy falls and peels the skin
off his nose, the first thing he does is to
get up and yell. When girl tumbles
and hurts herself badly, the first thing
she does is TO get up and look at her
dress.
We see through it at last. The
butcher sticks those miserable ittle
wooden pins-which no amateur carver
can contemplate without profane i'm
pulse-into the roasting piece to make
it seske wer.
A farmer complains that hook and
ladder company has been organized in
his ne;ghborhood. He states that the
ladder Is used after dark for climbing
in.o the hen-house, after which the
hooking is done.
Quin, the actor, being asked by lady
why there were more women i'll the
world than men, replied, at is in con.
formity with the other arrangements Of
nature-we always see more of heaver
than of earth"
write ME while l am away" said
Jones to Mrs. Jones, after an affectionatt
good bye. 'Treacherous manw nedi.
lated the lady. "Not one letter does hs
get. He wants to sell them to ona o.
those Western papers"
Il A literary ice-cart driver who has