Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-06-04
From the Albany Evening Journal.

Using II the SAINT a. the standard price ol
liberty eternal vigilance" A traly gift
ed advertiser was located at Cleveland few
years ago, following the dry goods business.
One morning he noticed in each of the local
papers a column containing nothing but the
word d" AenophOn - oit-repeated. Pursu-
ing his inquiries cautiously, he discovered
that an enterprising grocer of the town was
about to introduce new brand Of flour. to
which the name of Nenophon was to be
given, and that for two weeks public curl
osity was to be whetted by the sight Of the
great Greeks name standing unexplained in
the columns of the Cleveland papers. and
fben the debut of the -four was to be made
with great flourish. Having got his in
formation, our advertising genius saw at
glance how he could and how he would util
lze it. He took down from the dust Of his
top shelves an auction lot of hoop skirts.
long out Of style, brushed them clean, put
fresh tags on each, and after Nenophon had
blazed upon the public eye for thirteen days
came out with a column advertisement in
each Of the daily papers, reading - Memo
phon Nenophon Now ready, the Memo
! phon hoop skirt. worn by all the European
nobility. The Aenophon, for elegance. grace
and comfort surpasses all it, competitors"
/ They say that the wrath of the green grocer
he turned green from rage-as he saw how
the griSt had been diverted from his own
mill, was something fearful to contemplate.
We have been led into making the fore
! going cursory remarks from contemplating a
notable phase in the life of a thorough-going.
| full-blooded advertiser. Which his name Is
Bennett, dealer in coal in the busting and
energetic town Of Fall River. in the common
wealth of Massachusetts. lie has a full
orbed geriu- for advertising, has Bennett.
and Is never so happy as when connecting
the seductive card or the irresistible circular
whose end Is to induce discriminating pub
| Ic-cash customers preferred-to buv the
Bennett coal and TO refuse all other You
shall read his advertisements in prose and
| rhyme and blank verse, not alone in the Fall
| River dailies and semi-weeklies, and tri-
weeklies, and monthlies, and quarterlieS
/ but to avail himself Of these avenues Is not
/ for him 10 leave others untried. Hence. on
all the fences that line all the roads that
! lead to Fall River . on all the dead and
m0ribund walls in Fall River and on no
end Of bill boards, and almanacs, and calea-
| dars, and pocket states, and barometers, and
fans. and iire-alarm cards, appear, mostly in
" CONSERVATION type, the name and occu-
| patton of Bennett. To him (Lackawauna
/ coal a speciality the world Is still in the
| carbOnilerous age, and the testimony of the
| rocks within a circuit of one hundred miles
around Fall River would seem to confirm
! him in his belief They all bear the en-
/ dorsement Of " coal in fact Of Bennett
coal designed for the Fall River market.
/ Tourists who pass through Fall River on
| their way to or from Newport report that
/ the train boys in place of the customary
/ dried apple turnover. or dime novel or prize
package, hand passengers delicate white
| boxes begirt with white satin ribbons. These
| boxes look for all the world like the current
receptacles for squares of regulation we'd
| ding cake. but the curious way-iaring man
who loosen> one Of the ribbons and raises
| one Of the delicate white covers finds for bis
pains fine specimen OF Lackawauna coal in
company with a uniquely printed card call
ing attention 10 the" unusual facilities and
all thar sort of thing, possessed by Bennett,
coal dealer. Fall River lie gives free sterc-
| optic1n exhibitions. Bennett does. To the
people of Fall River. They are delighted to
call him pet names The programme Of
each performance Is arranged so As to have
the psthetical and the practical alternate
Sistine Madonna u, Bay your coal at
Bennetts Sd, Palmer Angel at the sep
ulchre 4th. BENEFITS the place for coal
9Th, Signing the Death Warrant Of Lady
| Jane Grey. 9th. Coal for the Million at Ben
nett'S: eth, The Dying Gladiator oth,
Ask your grocer for Benefits Coal 9th,
| The Tower of London 10th, Bennett just
around the corner keeps a stock Of Lacka-
I.v.F SIM
soon after the exhibition commenced. Il com
mittee Of leading citizens sought out Ben
nett. The found him in tie centre Of the
crowd around the stereopteon distributing
| circulars, and after shaking him warmly by
! the hand and rendering him Fall River : ap-
| probation of his efforts to please her child
ren, begged leave to suggest how his show
| could be improved. Bennett replied that if
| he knew his own heart he studied to please,
and that he would be grateful to his fellow
citizens for any little suggestion that might
/ occur to them calculated 10 render the Stere-
| opticon more entertaining. On which the
| chairman of the committee said-not, in
! deed. without some hesitation" suppose
/ you skip every other number on the pro
gramne." Bennett rejoined that that would
| suit him to a shade, and the consequence was
/ that for the rest OF that evening he gave the
crowd, - Buy your coal Of Bennett, with
out the Intervention Of pictures that tend to
/ distract the mind
But Homer used sometimes to be caught
MD. MD, nodding. and ten. Mcclellan occa-
siOnally failed to satisfy the exacting de-
nand, of his cOuntrymen. and Bennett, OF
Fall River, has overleaped, ultra-adyertised
/ himself. Thursday last found him sitting
| in his oiice-his coal ofiice-moody of coun-
| tenance and restless Of limb. And when his
/ ookkceper inquired of his chief what it
was allied him, Bennett replied, " IN sui
/ iering Alexandrine pangs-I yainly sigh for
/ new phases of advertising to conquer Pre-
sently he arose, took up some OF his latest
cards-carls Of mammoth proportion, done
IN white and blue upon blood-red back
ground-and sauntcTed out. not knowing
whittier he was going. After walking in an
aimlesS way for few blocks he noticed that
lust ahead Of him hearSe was standing in
the street, followed hard after by a row Of
carriages. Quick to conceive and quick TO
act is Bennett of Fall River Promptly he
stepped up to the driver Of the ebon vehicle
and inquired, at the same time ostentatious-
ly displaying a crisp greenbaek, if he would
make any objection TO having few cards
tackled Just behind his box. The driver for
answer put the greenback far down into a
deep inside pocket his vest, and answered,
- Go ahead for all Of me-" Bennett there
upon produced a small hammer and some
tacks and went ahead for all OF him. Be
fore the friends and acquaintances ON the
sidewalk, who were waiting for the funeral
procession to start, were aware Of his inten-
tions, the invitation, :" Buy your coal at
Bennett - glared at them from three seve-
raj cards displayed from the side and rear Of
the hearse. Bennett, Of Fall Biyer returned
to his Office reassured man and joyOusly
unbosomed himself 10 his bookkeeper. " |
never got such chance before" lie began.
- and never improved one better. You see
these hearses go SO slow through town that
people can't help but read those cards show
/ ing conspicuously on the black surface. I'm
| only sorry didn't ask the driver who seem
ed an accommodating fellow, to take a cir
cuitous route, However" At this abrupt
point in his discourse Bennett, of Fall River.
| brought up all of a sudden. For. 10, there
/ bounded into his presence a man dressed in
/ black, with black Grape all over hls hat and
| black studs in his shirt. who introduced him
| self with the remark, :. I'm the husband of
| the deceased, and hired that yer hearse."
| The husband of the deceased carried in one
hand double-barrelled shot gun, and in the
other an axe and bottle labeled - vitrol. -
His steps were attended by full-grown bull
dog, badly SCARED in the face, ard evidently
of an unhappy disposition. - told the
procession not to wait for me, said the has
band of the deceased, - and came down Tor
satisfaction, Mr.. Burnt The agonized
coal dealer, whose hair had by this time
changed from Lackawana black to Lilly
white, made haste to inform the husband of
the deceased that he had tackled the cards on
the hearse during an attack of emotional
paroxysmal insanity, to which he was sub
| iect. and that he wouldn't have had the
thing happen for ton Of his best coal, free
| from stone. The husband of the deceased