The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-12-03
Ny First Literary Venture.

was very smart child at the age Of
thirteen, says Mark Twain-an uftistially
smart child, I thought at the time. 1t
was then that / did MY first newspaper
scribbling, and most unexpectedly to me
it stirred up fine sensation in the com
munity. 1t did indeed, and ] was very
proud of it, tco.
was a printers "devil," and a pro-
gressive and aspiring one. Ny uncle had
me On his paper (the Weekly Hannibal
Journal, two dollars a year in advance,
800 subscribers, and they paid in cord
wood, cabbages and unmarketable tur-
nips) and on lucky summers day ne
left town to be gone a week, and asked
me if / thought ! could edit one issue of
the paper judiciOusly. All, didn't ! want
to try? Hinton was the editor of the
rival paper. He had lately been Tilted,
and one night friend found an open
note living on the poor fellows bed, in
which he stated that he could 10 longer
endure life, and had drowned himself in
Bear creek. The friend ran down there
and discovered Hinton wading back to
shOrel He had concluded he Wouldn't.
The village was full Of it for several DAYS,
but Hinton did not suspect it. thought
this was fine opportunity. j wrote an
elaborately wretched account Of the whole
matter, and then illustrated it with vii
lainOus cuts engraved on the bottoms of
wooden type, with jack knife; one Of
them a picture of Hinton wading out
into the creek in his shirt, with lantern,
sounding the depth of the water with a
walking-stick. thought it was desper-
ately funny, and was densely Unconscious
that there was any moral Obliquity about
such publication. Being satisfied with
this effort, / looked around for other
worlds to conquer, and it struck me that
it would make good, interesting matter
to charge the editor OF a neighboring
country paper with piece Of gratuitOus
rascality, and "see him squirm :" / did
it, putting the article into the form of
parody on the Burial of Sir John Moore"
and pretty crude parody it was, too.
Then / lampooned two prominent citi-
zens outrageOusly; not because they had
done anything to deserve it, but merely
because / thought it was my duty to
make the paper lively. Next ! gently
touched up the newest stranger; the lion
of the day, the gorgeous journeyman
tailor from Quincy. He was a simpering
cOxcomb of the first water, and the
% lOUdest" dressed man in the State. He
was an inveterate wOman-killer Every
week he wrote lushy "pOetry" for the
Journal about his newest conquest. His
rhymes for my week were headed "To
Mary in H." meaning to Mary, in
Hannibal, of course. But while setting
up the piece was suddenly riyen from
head to heel by what regarded as a
perfect thunder-bolt of humor, and / |
it into snappy foOt-note at |
the bottom, thus: awe will let this |
thing pass just this once; but we wish |
Mr.. J. Gordon Runnels to understand |
that we have a character to |
sustain, and from this time forth when |
he wants to commune with his friends in |
H, he must select some other me- |
dunn than the columns of this journal ~
The paper came out, and / never knew |
any little thing to attract so much at
tention as those playful triAes of mine.
For once, the Hannibal Journal was in
demand; a novelty it had not expert
enced before. The whole town was
stirred. Hinton dropped in with double
barreled shot gun early in the forenoon.
When he found that it was an infant (as
he called mel, that had done him the
damage, he simply pulled my ears and
went away; but he threw up his situa-
tion that night and left town for good.
The tailor came with his goose and a
pair of shears but he despised me too,
and departed for the South that night.
The two lampoOned citizens came with
threats of libel, and went away incensed
1T my insignifcance. The country ed
tor pranced in with war-whOop next
lay, suffering for blood to drink; but he
ended by forgiving me cordially, and in
yiting me down to the drug store TO wash
away all animOsity in friendly bumper
If "Fahnestock's Vermifuge." 1t was
MS little joke.
My uncle was very angry when he got
nably 50, thought, con-
,idering what an impetus ! had given
he paper, and considering, also, that
gratitude for his preservation ought to
iave been uppermOst in his mind, mas
much as by mis- delay he had so wonder
ully escaped dissection, tomahawking,
ibel, and getting his head shot off But
ne softened when he looked at the ac-
counts and raw that ! had actually
booked the unparalleled number Of thirty.
hree new subscribers, and had the vege-
ables to show for it; cord-wOOd, cabbage,
,eans, and unstable turnips enough to
NJ, bo 90 Iv for fts-p