The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-09-11
VARIETY.

PoLrE.-A Philadelphia booksellers clerk,
who was asked if he had Chaucer politely prof
fered paper of the best chewing tobacco.
How?- say, Jim, why don't you walk
straight?" - How in thunder, Tom, can lellcr
walk straight after drinking crooked whisky"
Twice As AIUcn.-.Josh Billings says; Love is
said To be blind, but know lots of phellows in
love who twice as much in their gals
~ | kan.
CURED HM-A Des Moines woman gave her
husband morphine to cure him of chewing to-
bacco. IT cured him, but she is doing her own
Spring plowing.
WaEN HE Is TREED.-The only time that n
boy ever has aB idea of reforming and becoming
good, Is when he is treed among the cherries by
lank farmer and couple of mastiffs
DrscrsrED TorER-.' Prohibition after all,
said a red-nosed fellow as he read the Senate
liquor bill - nobody allowed TO sell before seven
O'Clock what sort Of encouragement is that 10
early rising
PLEASING SrEcrACLE.-I IIalEa-tlozen hOrs- thieves
hanging in u row formed pleasing spectacle that
met the eye Of a recent Boston visitor in western
Arkansas six hemp-er tyrannis,' was his
feeling remark
WE,LrHy Our 2-cent and Scent pieces have
the motto, 90 In God we Trust, - but our 20
cent piece hasn't. When Il man gets that
wealthy he don't propose to trust anybody, you
know.
No PATlExcE--. Rewiyalsts, indeed said
Mrs. Partngton, * amt got no patience with
such folks. | made my poor dear p. promise
faithfully that if proceeded him TO my grave he
never would take another.
\ fussy and oyer-p r-partieular young lady was
having her photograph taken, and just as the op-
orator had got her down to the 60 perfectly still y
che and ~
claimed % There, | forgot to put my hustle on -
ABOUT TIME.-When mother cuts her sons
hair with such nice precision and artistic neat
ness that the boy is ashamed to take off his hat
when he goes to bed, it is about time our dom
estic institutions Overhauled and remodelled.
CSHAPPY WoMAv-rhe Cincinnati Enquirer
thinks Eve must have been very unhappy wo-
man There was no other woman to pass her on
the street, that she might look around and see
how that dress was fitted in the back. Poor Eve
They were seated at Il lato dinner when the
,ioor-belI rung and the servant handed a-card TO
Iayender's wife. % Why, good gracious. it's our
minister, and I've been eating onions - She ex-
claimed Never mind. - said Lavender, - you
needn't kiss him to-day.
LIGHT As AR-CustOmer Ito proprietor of
largo establshment): want mourning suit,
please Proprietor What is the bereavement,
NAV | ask?-Customer My mOther-in-law.
Proprietor Ito distant shopman): Mr.. Brown,
show this gentleman to the - Light Affection
Department
WROrE 4 CoHUXDRUN.-A rural editor in
Illinois went 10 see his girl, and she indulged in
4 great many heigh-ho's. lie went home and
wrote a conundrum. Why are hose so high this
season ? The rival editor says ne doesn't take any
stockin' n man who would ask such kneezy
question us that
u, A., i,fY,rr rra
do not implOre young gentleman to dress gush-
inglv; but it they will wear handkerchief IN
the rear pocket of their pantaloons, II would be
an ordinary favor to blushing public to select
such rs have ornamental borders. We like 10
feel sure it's a handkerchief, that's all
TIRED OF That NoSSENsE.-The Columbia
Union Herald relates that 4 colored gentleman
called at the Office of that paper TO subscribe for
it. when, after the satisfactory transaction OF the
business in hand, the following cOllOquy occurred
- Colonel, do you propose to represent your
county in next legislature?' - No, sir; I've
given up craftsmanship, and intend to cultivate my
little farm. No more Of that ioolishness Tor me.
4 PRoBLEM- EIihu Burritt studied mathe-
matics while working at an anvil One oil his
mental problems was this - How many yards
of cloth, 3ft. in width, cut into strips an inch
wide and allowing half an inch at each end Tor
the lap would 1t require 10 reach from the centre
of the sun to the centre of earth, and how much
would II cost at L shilling yard?' We hope
our Young reatlers will get an anvil and try this
problem.
4 LONG NAXE.-I sec in some oi the papers
that Prince Demetrius Tschawtschawadze has
been arrested in Moscow for swindling. | ieel no
particular interest in the Prince, and am lndii-
ierent TO his antecedents. but rs mere matter oi
curiosity really would like to know whether he
marked that name on his shirts by beginning at
che IGyefsend and working up to the collar. or
whether Ire ran il cat-a-coTnered across the back
Imagine such name on the umbrella handle
IL would hang over the feTnle.-Mdi Adeifr an
DanbHyV Mars