Litchfield enquirer., 1875-04-01
A MISSISSIPPI PILOT.
BY MARK TWAIN.

BY MARK TWAIN.
 We extract the following anecdote from Mark Twain's sketch of his experiences as "Cub Pilot" on the Mississippi, in the Atlantic Monthly:
 There used to be an excellent pilot on the river, a Mir. X., who was a somnam- bulist. It was said that if his mind was troubled about 8 bad piece of river, he was pretty sure to get up and walk in his sleep and do strange things. He was once fellow-pilot for trip or two with George E., on great New Orleans passenger packet. During a considerable part of the trip George was uneasy, but got over 1t by and by, as X. seemed content to stay in his bed when asleep. Late one night the boat was approaching HelenaS Arkan- sas; the water was low, and the crossing above the town in 8 very bind and tam gled condition. X. had seen the crossing since B. had, and as the night was par ticularly drizzly, sullen, and dark. E. was considering whether he had not bet ter have X. called to assist in running the place, when the door opened and X. walk ed Tn. Now on very dark nights, light is deadly enemy to piloting; you are aware that if you stand Tn a lighted room, on such a night, you cannot see things in the street to any purpose; but if you put out the lights and stand 1n the gloom you can make out objects in the street pretty well. So, on very dark nights, pilots do not smoke; they allow no fire in the pilot house stove if there is 8 crack which can allow the least ray to escape; they order the furnaces to be curtained with hugh tarpaulins and the sky-lghts to be closely blinded. Then no light whatever issues from the boat. The undefnable shape that now entered the pilot-house had MT. Ks voice. This said,-
 'Iet me take her, Mir. E.; I've seen this place since you have. and it is so crooked that I reckon can run it myself easier than could tell you how to do it"
 ''It is kind of you, and swear / Tam willing. I have mt got another drop of precipitation left in me. Ihave been spin ming around and around the wheel like squirrel. It is so dark I can't tell which way she is swinging till she is coming around like whirligig."
 So E. took seat on the bench, pant ing and breathless. The black phantom assumed the wheel without saying any thing, steadied the waltzing steamer with turn or two, and then stood at ease, coaxing her a little to this side and then to that, as gently and as sweetly as if the time had been monday. When B. ob- served this marvel of steering, he wished he had not confessed! He stared, and wondered, and finally said,-
 "Well, thought knew how to steer Q steamboat, but that was another mistake of mlne."
 X. said nothing, but went serenely on with his work. He rang for the leads; he rang to slow down the steam; he worked the boat carefully and neatly into invisi- ble marks, then stood at the centre of the blackness, fore and aft, to verify his po- sition; as the leads shoaled more and more, he stopped the engines entirely, ,and the dead silence and suspense of drift ing" followed; when the shoalest water was struck, he cracked on the steam, car ried her handsomely over. and then began to work her warily into the next system of shoal marks; the same patient, heedful use of leads and c4gines followed, the boat slipped through without tonching bottom, and entered upon the third and last intri- cacy of the crossing; imperceptibly she moved through the gloom, crept by inches into her marks, drifted tediously till the shoalest water was cried, and then, under tremendous head of steam, went swing ing over the reef and away into deep wa. ter and safety!
 E. let his long-p breath pour out in great, relieving sigh, and said:
 "That's the sweetest piece of piloting that was ever done on the Mississippi River! I wouldn't believed it could be done, if hadn't seen it "
 There was no reply, and he added:-
 "Just hold her five minutes longer, part. ner, and let me run, down and get cup of coffee.''
 A minute later E. was biting into a pie, down in the "texas," and comforting himself with coffee. Just then the night watchman happened in, and was about to happen out again, when he noticed E. and exclaimed
 ''Who is at the wheel, sir?''
 "Y,"
 ''Dart for the pilot-house, quicker than ightningl'
 The next moment both men were flying up the pilot-house companion-way, three steps at a jumpi Nobody there! The great steamer was whistling down the middle of the river at her own sweet will! The watchman shot out of the place again; E. seized the wheel, set an en- zine back with power, and held his breath while the boat reluctantly swung away from a ''towhead" which she was about to knock into the middle of the Gulf of Mexico!
 By and by the watchman came back and said.--
 ''Did nit that lunatic tell you he was asleep, when he first came up here?"
 "No."
 ''Well, he was. I found him walking along on top of the railings, just as uncon- cerned as another man would walk pave. ment; and I put him to bed; now just this minute there he was again, gong through that sort of tight-rope deviltry the same as before" - -
 "WeIl, I think I'll stay by, next time he has one of those fits. But hope he'll have them often. You just ought to have seen him take this boat through Helena crossing. Inever saw anything so gaudy before. And if he can do such gold-leaf, kid-glove, diamond-breastpin pilotlng when he is sound asleep, what couldn nI he do if he was deadp
 A Neveda woman recently knocked dOwn!seven burglars one ssafters another. Her husband watched her from the ton of