The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-09-18
WIT. AND WISDOM.
RATES or ADVERTISING
Pnnctuality is the life Of business

! 1t is said Soda Water II taken alone
shows hzlcal weakness
I A correspondent of Western paper have
ing described the Ohio as a ''sickly stream,
the editor appended the remark That $
so-it is confined I'd its bed
Where ten men will cheerfully lay dow
their lives for woman, only one will carry
her a scuttle Of coal-DutbHry Nstcs
As the ladies walked on the beach with
their !ong hair down, because otherwise Fit
takes 90 long to dry, il was the entau
terrible who said trIumphautly, Mamma
leaves all hers at the hotel "
Scotch minister, Who was famed fur
his dryness in the pulpit, called on one of
his aged hearers, and as usual partook of a
c-r Of tea. He remarked w the 1uid wife
that her teapot ran very slowly Deed
ay, quoth the guld wife, 1T like yerser
Il has an unco bad delivery
A Western editor excaims "Busr.u
needn't attempt to sell any Of her shirt
bos"ms, warranted not tl rumpie. III this
locality. Not much The sigh. thr ,y
ciamatlon, the sweet, tremulous accent.
the delsnus fragrance of her hair and
breath all these may pass away ia mu-
ment, hut the rumpled shirt bosom remains
ever with you as present reminder ofpast
/ joys.
! This is a passage from Boston report
ers account Of meeting # the Radical
! Club Then matrOn made for kisses
IN the lovelIest Of dresses, and with uyes
that shone more brightly than the dia-
/ monds that she Wore, spoke IN tones uf
| lute Ike sweetness, words WI such exceed
ing htness phrases of such happy neatness,
that W. ciapped our hands for more. as with
grace sie left the floor.
A countryman with his BRIDE stoped AZ 4
hotel the other dav At dinner. when the
waiter presented a bin Jf fare, the young
man enquJred, What's that NJ That's
the bill Of fare, said the waiter. The
countryman took ID IN his hands. looked
enquirngIy al his wife, and then At the
waiter, and finally dove Gown into his
pocket and inslnuatingly enquired, how
much Is lt i
Forewarned, Farearmed-(Our reporter
before dmner) Beg iardou, my lord but
could your lurdship Kindly ohhge me wv
giving me a hint as to what youc lordship
IS going 70 say IN reply 70 the duke Wh.n
ms grace propose your lurdshIus
health II His Lordship "How can J :
tell you what I'm going to say untli I've
heard What the duke says l' Our re-
porter: 'Oh, ! can uh.ige yulr lordship
with what his grace Il going IL SAY, I've
got It all IN my pockel. Punch
A Pennsylvania camp meeting Nas re-
Gently broken up by siX poor little skuuks.
The devil comes ~ various gulses, and this
particular one i not to be prayed down.
philosopher presents the following
general deductions from his observations
at picnic
Girls with small feet are the most ven
turesome IN climbing trees or wadmg
swamps.
The girl who will fly in terror WI the
arms Of her escort at sight of a toad. will.
# she happens upon snake by herself. de-
hberately catch II by the tail and Jvrk ts
head of
One ordinary handkerchief is not large
enough for two persons To sit upon one ana
the same time
The young man whose pants have been
the most mercllessly torn by thurus IL the
one who l. the most urgently solicited to
climb trees and fix swings
Bugs have no sense Of propriety.
You can't get an old shoemaker w blum
der. The other day when a weightv wom-
an sailed into a detroit shoe store and seI-
ected pair of No. AZ ana VAT down to
have them tried On. the shoemaker saw
that she wanted IS. But he didn't tell her
20, and start her ont NJ the shop On Y gal-
lop. He smiled and softly said
Madam, all the arstocratic ladies are
now wearing shoes three sizes tuD large fur
their feet, III order to have c1ol extremi-
ties, and Of course you want to follow the
style III
She smiled like duck III reply III his
smile, and replied
''1ou are in position 10 know best. and
| leave everything 70 your judgement"
When she wen, out she said she never
had such an easy-htting shoe in her whole
life. Detroit Free Press
When Gov. Harvey ana Treasurer
Hayes, of Kansas, were about To be sworn
into their respective offices on the second
Monday III January 1870 they met W. thy
Governors private room. While waiting
for the Supreme Court Judge who was de-
tanned for a few moments beyond the ap-
pointed time the Treasurer elect said W.T.
would be a good Joke if the Chief Justice
should make mistake and swear in The
best-lOoking man f1r Governor .'Y,..
the Governor promptly replied. "and it
would be a greater foke If he should swear
ID the honestest man az Treasurer The
Colonel stopped the conversation.
During a class meeting held by the
Methodist brethren w 4 southern village.
| Brother Jones went among the eolored
! a ba
| there a man notorious fur his endeayor w
serve God On the Sabbath and satan THE
rest Of the week, he said Well brother
Y Dick, ! am glad ta See YOU here Haven't
stolen any turkeys since / saw YOU last,
Brother Dick ' NO. no, Brother Jones
no turkeys "Nor chickens. Brother
Dick f' 'No, no, Brother Jones no
chickens. Thank the Lord, Brother
Dick That's doing well, my brother 4"
saId Brother Jones, leaving Brother DICK.
who Immediately relieved his overbur-
dened conscience by saying to near
nelghbor with an immense sigh ~ relief
III he q said ducks, he d a AZ me-
In the course Of Baptist doctrinal ser
mon delivered IA Greensboro, Ga. the
reverend cOlored preacher illustrated the
difference between the Baptist al Meth
odist churches BY relating on anecdote
Some years ago a man fesed Iigion
and piled to Jine de Baptist church. He
gin IN his 'sperience and was jeoted. So
ne went right straight and lined ~ Mef-
Odls. Some time after dat a brudder Bap-
tbs axed him How dis We wouldn't
nab you, and d. Mefods don TUX YOU
oh, says he, you Ola Baptis' want to
make me pay cash down, but de Mefodis'
gln me SIX munths credick."
A new euternriaa in tha form, ,f tba