Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-12-10
Gleanings.
Spirit of the press-Cider.
Blunt men are generally sharp.
A seedy occupation-The florist.

Consolation for old maids-"a "afisfor-
times never come sing]y."
What does an honest grocer do with bis
goods' He gives them away Ia weigh.
Why do honest ducks dip their heads
under water? To iqaidate their little
bills.
Milwaukee does not live by beer alone;
she consumes also 1000 cans Of oysters
daily.
When the man SAID "Look into my
heart" il Is supposed he had windy-pain
in his stomach.
An Irish doctor lately sent his bill to al
Indy as follows: "YO curing your hus-
band till he died.
Why is coal the most contradictory ar
ticle known to commerce? Beeanse when
purchased it goes the cellar.
What is the difference between belle
and burglays The belle carries false
locks, and thu burglar false Keys. q
IN the State of New York the man who
ties his horse or team under q shade tree
also ties him under penalty Of ten dol
lars.
A patent hair restorative has recently
been put ia market that eats the scalp off.
Bald heads, take hair.
Is there country editor in the world
who can speak favorably of a new paper
and not wish il success, or say, there's
Our BSw
4 popular writer, speaking of the ocean
telegraph, wonders whether the news
transmitted through the salt water will be
fresh.
The castor bean is cultivated in Kansas,
and castor oil factory has been erected
at F't. Scott. Even the west is not with
out this pleasant and exhilerating bever-
age
A Milwaukee editor has had returned
to him book borrowed twenty-seveu
years ago and begins to have hopes of
humanity. after aM
Considerate father: "You should eat
Graham bread my son; it makes bone"
Responsive Youth: Him, I'm bout aM
bones now
Do you thiMk't WAS best to drop
Deacon West and Sister MoultON, too.
But who would suppose such tr,fe as
those would cause such a huIlabalIoo?
Prince John Schleswig HoIstein-Sanda-
daburg GIuckborg arrived in England
Tuesday. The rest of his name will
come over in special car some time next
week.
~ saw an excellent thing in your pam
phlet," said Daniel O'ConneN to a young
writer. "Eh? What, sir!" was the eager
reJciuder. "A penny bun my friend"
Grandfather to his hopefnl-"My son,
which would you rather have when you
get home, little brother or little sistcr?"
Grandson-''Weil, would rather have q
little pony"
How was it that Captain Boyton had
such very heavy weight to carry when
he crossed the English Channel?-Because
as soon as he laid on his back his hackers
laid on him.
The Cleveland Herald has one of those
$4,000 libel suits to ponder over, but
there's nothing like getting used to the
whims of the public. The Herald can
pay it in paper currency if beaten.
Our exchanges have great deal to say
about editorial ability" What q coun.
try editor really needs is the ability to live
on four shillings per week and smoke his
own cigars.
We don't know how many daily papers
Rev. DR.. Lorrimer takes, but he stated in
a recent lecture: ''If there is any one
thing for which the human race is pre-em-
inent it is for profound and solid lying"
In Providence and Worcester the price
of milk has gone up to two cents = quart
for the winter, but our excellent system of
water works enables milkmen here to re-
tail at the old rates-Noracieh Bulletin.
Immense footprints were found about a
house on Laurel Hill yesterday morning,
and it is thought some Windham county
girls were trying to commit burglary
there during the night.
A milk man was awoke by q wag in the
night with the announcement that his best
cow was choking. He forthwith jumped
up to save the life of his animal, when'loi
he found turnip stuck in the mouth of
the pump.
81 never get mad at fool" was the
cutting remark of man who fancied
himself affronted by another THAT ac-
counts for your always being on such am.
icable terms with yourself" was the re-
joinder.
When a stranger asked a Detroit girl
whom he met at a party, ii she was mar
ried, she promptly replied: Mot quite,
but I've sued three or four chaps for
breach of promise.
A stranger kissed La Crosse girl by
mistake, and was then licked by her two
brothers for being mistaken. He then de-
liberately kissed her for being who she
was, and was licked for being impudent.
"What would home he without chill
dren!" asks Anna Dickinson. Why
doesn't she marry and see! Those of US
with from four to dozen lambs kicking
out shoes can't understand the old maids
motive in trying to make US weep.
Henry, why don't you keep supply
VI SiVNOo ih yOuA pOShCt. culu hu AtUd-
ny young lady to her escort at the Opera
House recently; you wouldn't then have
to run out after every act; and don't see
why you are so awful fond of cloves any
howl"
Somebody advertises in the London
Times for servant girl that fears the
Lord and can carry one cwt. Hand NAL
dens that can successfully wrestle with an
hundred pound weight are not usually the
sort O. females that fear the Lord, or any,
body else fol that matter.
Mr.. Huxley, the learned scientist,
writes: Il hope Mr.. - will not mix
in philogenetic stammbaume with ebjec-
tive taxonomy." We should greatly dep
recate such thing ourselves, but we are
greatly inclined to think that the fellow is
just about fool enough to do it.-Louis-
siils Courier Journal
A compositor, bleeding and bruised,
applied for admission to Baltimore hos
pital the other day. 1t turned out that he
had set up "the Democracy have an abun-
dance of pleas''so as to read that they had
IAN abundance of fleas." And the editor
said he'd have his revenge if he went to
Jail thirty days for it.
joaquin Miller nominates LongfellOw
tor President; but sn exchange thinks
ha rOulH rrOha h1v ho q voroo m hOld;u ~