The Van Buren press., 1875-02-02

hurled back on his launches; but the
white. horse Of peace, with face like the
sun, all nations following ,-Evangelist.
The following is said to be an ex-
cellent remedy for coup: Half tea
spoonful Of pulverized alum in a little
molasscs. 1t is a simple remedy, one al
ways en- hand, and Que dose seldom fails
to give relief If it should, repeat it af-
ter one bour.
An exchange gets off the following
one on delinquent subscribers: Look.
ing over an old ledger, we see long ar.
ray of names of former subscribers who
are indebted to us. Some Of them have
moved away, and are lost to the sight,
although to memory dear. Others are
carrying the contribution boxes in our
mos, respectable churches and others
have died, and are angels in heaven, but
they owe US just the same
If ySu don't want the SCOT, don't go
up the chimney" was the reply Of an ed
itor to respectable parties who requcs
ted him not to mention the fact that they
had been arraigncd in the police court
"No, no, Squire Grudge, not il all
were like yen Now, | tell you, the day
day will come when some one will write
avery long eulogy Of your life and char.
acter, and the printer will put it in type,
with heavy black line over it; and with
all your riches this will be done for you
rs a grave is given to pauper. Your
wealth, liberaltv. and all such things,
will be spoken Of. but the printer boy, as
he spells the words in arranging the tpyes
or these savings. will remark Of You
Poor. mean devil, he is even sponging |
an obituary Good morning, Squire"
William Gunyan, n drnnkard of
Springfield, Mass, tried to reform, until
he became convinced that his appetite
was stronger than his will, Then he
bought quart of poor whisky, drank 1t
with the avowcd intention Of dying in
toxcated, and was dead within an hour,
A Maine man boasts that he has
made the best shot ever heard Of. He u
recently fred at dog in the night being
directed only by his back, and hit him in
the throat.
The American Express Company has
been sued for the starvation OF mock
ing bird. which was seat from Boston to
Pttsteld. The directions for feeding
were neglected.
james Gray, Of Vermont, wrote her,
II love you as the tempest loves the
placid lake." and now she is obliged to
sue him for breach Of promise,
If anything will impress the human
mind with awe, it is the expression Of a
man S face who has just been aroused up
from snoaing in churcn.
"What you been doin' y asked a
hoy Of his playmate, whom he saw CON
ing out Of the house with tears in his
eyes. 81 have been chasing birch rod
round my father was the snarling
reply.
Mamma: "Thcrc, there, and now tits
time for Herby to 90 to bed All the
pretty little chickens 60 to roost before
dark' Herby-" Oh, yes, but the old
chickens 60 too
A Minnesota minister who said that
the grasshoppcrs were a plague sent to
punish the grangers, is coming east TO
and another pulpit. They couldn't be.
lievc him.
Virtue without talent, is n coat of
mail without sword; it may indeed de
fsnd the wearer. but will not enable him
to protect his friend,
Why does water run down hill BE.
cause II can't walk.
Farmers gather what they SOW, while
seanstresses sew what they gather.
When does the wind deserve re
proof2 When it whistles through the
house.
Passion always lowers a great mau,
but sometimes elevates little one.
Necessity is the mother of inyen.
ton, and patent rights Is the father
E-Half the discomfort of life is the re
suit Of getting tired Of ourselves.
Most people are like eggs--too full
OF themselves to hold anything else.
The authorship of' 'Beautiful Snow
has beea settled. IL is j. Frost.
The best way for a man to acquire
Aae fow Of language is to stub his toe
against raised brick.
We arc told that -" the smallest hair
throws shadow" Aud so it does. 1t
throwsa shadow over yons appetite when
you find il in your victuas
,--Miss Claim says the man doesn't
live that can be governor Of Tcnnie C.
"A man called his hen MacduT' be
cause be wanted her to " lay on
-----------s> . . - --------
~ p0u us ,rhdf VoH ore