South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-05-28

WIT AND aUMoR.
PHILOSOPHERS say that shutting. the
eyes makes the hearing more acute
Perhaps this is the reason some people
close theirs in church during the preach.
ing.
Fan angry teacher was whipping a
pupil, and having prolonged the exer.
else far beyond the bounds of modera-
ton, the boy looked up, and calmly
said. Come, sir, you must be tired. let's
take a rest;" and he wrested the whip
from the teachers hand.
Guess your eyes are bad" replied a
Dubuque traveller when told that his
collar was soiled; "why, bless you mis-
ter. haven't worn that collar but two
weeks"
~ A real estate owner, having let all
OF his houses but one, was asked if that
unlet house was his last Eyes, last but
not leased" was his reply.
tW' Perpetual motion has been dis
covered-in the tongue of an insurance
agent.
THE Boy ON LACROSSE STREET.
When Lacrosse, street boy, the De-
troit Free Press says, is playing shop
scotch on the walk, and his mother
comes to the door and asks him to split
some wood, he replies that he will be a.
long in just one minute. At the end of
ten minutes she opens the door and
says:
"Wilyum, want that wood''
I'm coming right now he replies,
and then goes on hopping here and there
on one leg.
Another ten minutes flies away, and
she opens the door and says:
"Wilyum, if you don't get that wood
You know what your father will do"
Just ten seconds !" he calls back,
and he enters upon new game.
The next time she calls she says:
Young man, it's almost noon and
can't cook dinner without that wood.
Il know tim coming now," he re-
plies, and he stands on one foot and
holds long discussion with the. John
son boy as to whether the game of shop
scotch" is as good game as base ball.
He had just started to hop when boy
whispers:
"Hi. Bill, there's your father
Great snakes y whispers Bill, and he
goes over the fence like a flash. grabs the
strikes two hundred blows per minute
He gets into the house ahead Of his f..
ther, and us he drops the wood he says
Mother, the boys were just n sayin'
that had the handsomcst and best and
coolest mother on Lacrosse street, and
| want to kiss your'
He DosENT SUIT.-There is q man
named James A. Johnson, out in Cali
fornia, who has been in Congress two
terms, and who returned to his home as
poor as when he went away The Men,
docino Dispatch has hoisted his name as
candidate for Governor and speaks of
him rs in every way fit man. We
think man who has. passed four years
in Washington without becoming cor
rupt could be trusted any number of
years in California. The Virginia New
Enterprise, after speaking in terms of
eulogy of Mr.. Johnson, says: This calls
to mind an anecdote to the point When
Johnson's name was under discussion
for the Gubernatorial nomination, one of
the constituents, in Colusa county, spoke
disparagingly of him.
Whats the matter with Johnson"
asked a friend.
why the man is a ID fool" said
the constituent.
How SOP was the next inquiry.
why, Jim Johnson has been in Con
gross two terms, and not long ago he
had to borrow money to pay his stage
fare from Colusa to Marvsyille. Now.
if I'd been in his place I'd have owned
quarter section of the Northern Paci-
fic Railway"
IL isn't natural that man Of that sort
should go very strongly for Johnson
COULDN'T RESIST TIE ODDs-A son
of the Faderland went into Barney Gal.
ligan's saloonthe other day & called for
drink, Barney shook his head, saying
mo, you are drunk now"
81 babe you not"
We'll, I'll bet YOU fifty dollars TO one
that you are drunk" said Barney. willie
quite n number gathered around TO see
the fun.
Good enough, | bade YOU" said he.
pulling out fractional currency enough
70 make up a dollar. Now. who will
you leave it MIDI"
'I'll leave it to yourself Are you
not drunk"
Eyes, by jingoes, am, said he mourn
fully, take der dollar
A friend Of his happened to be in the
crowd, and upbraided him for deciding
against himself
But il was the drudh"
well, supposing it was what did
YOU want to be fool enough to bet for.
them"