Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-03-03
HUuOROUs.

THE following incident is said to have
in q restaurant A man re-
Gently entered the place and ordered q
very elaborate dinner. He fingered
long at the table, and finally wound up
with bottle of wine, Then, lighting
a cigar he had ordered, he leisurely
sauntered up to the counter and said to
the proprietor, Every fine dinner, land
lord. just charge it to me; 1 haven't
got SOU"
"But 1 don't know you," said the
Indignantly.
"Of course you don't. If you had,
YOU wouldn't have let me had the
dinner"
"Pay me for the dinner. 1 say !"
"And 1 say 1 can't"
"I1l see about that" said the pro-
prietor, who snatched q pistol out OF a
drawer, leaped over the counter and
collared the man, exclaiming, as he
took aim at his head, "now see il you'll
get away with that dinner without pay
ing for it, you scoundrel y
"What is that you hold in your
hand % said the impecunious customer,
back.
''That, Sir, is pistol, Sir"
"Oh, that's pistol, is it / don't
care fig for pistol; 1 thought it was
a stomach-pump."
A YOUNG Partisan of wealth, who had
been playing heavily at his club, where
he had lost his last sou, while strolling
early the other morning was
accustomed by beggar: "a little
charity, if You please" 81 have no
money" was the reply. "Give me only
a small piece of money" ST haven't a
farthing." said our young friend. The
beggar still prosecuted him, and he lost
his temper. Listen" said he to the
beggvr "you can feel my pockets,
provided you agree to take what l have
and let me take what money you have
with you." The beggsr did not dare to
take up the offer, and hobbled off.
A woE-BEGONR specimen of the Celtic
race accosted an officer attached to the
New York Tombs Court. the other
morning, and anxiously inquired ::
"Plaze, zur, when will Mariar cum
down p 'COme down from where ?"
said the officer, thinking Maria was a
friend of the questioner, who had got
into some legal difficulty. SCUM down
to take the prisoners up" was the re-
sponse. 81 want to see her and ask
her to be kind to me wife Biddy, who
is goin' up ON the Island for three
months" The man thought the Maria
was female jailor.
Mr.. CURRAN was once engaged in a
legal argument. Behind him stood his
colleague, a gentleman whose person
was remarkably tall and slender, and
who had originally intended to take
orders. The judge observed that the
case under discussion involved a point
of ecclesiastical law. "Then," said
Curran, 81 can refer your lordship to a
high authority behind me, who was
once intended for the church, though
in my opinion, he was filter for the
steeple."
DELICATE CoMPLIMENr-Queen Eli
zabeth, admiring the elegance of the
Marquis of Medina, a Spanish noble
man, complimented him on it, begging,
at the same time, to know who pos
sessed the heart of so accomplished a
cavalier.-'Madame, said he, ga lover
risks too much on such an occasion !;
but your Majesty's will is law. Excuse
me. however, if / fear to name her, but
request your Majesty's acceptance of
her portrait. He sent her a looking
glass
On SUNDAY morning, Just as the min
lister had got to "We have done those
things which We ought not to have
done," etc, Mr.. Jones succeeded in
getting off his overshoe, with which he
had been wrestling manfully for ten
minutes, and it took hymn books and
an ear in its passage down the pew,
causing considerable emotion in the
congregation, and fetched up in the
center of the aisle. Jones says it is odd
what elastic things these rubber shoes
are.
AN OLD farmer purchased some sweet
oil In drug store yesterday, and, being
asked If there was nothing else," he
laid several packages on the counter,
held up hand with several strings tied
on the fingers, and said Lets see
That red string is for the bar-soap that
rag is for broom that blue cord is
for a calico dress; that dress braid
means four pounds of sugar, and this
other string is for sweet oil. No
nothing more. ."-DetrOt Free Press.
HERE is a description of a mean
church, which has a moral in it "After
the old pastor died, the deacon went
about for a two-hundred and fifty
dollar minister, and you can get about
as good minister for that price as you
can get psalm tunes out of file."
A COUNTRY newspaper tells this story
of new boy in one of the Sunday
schools "The precious youth was
asked who made the beautiful hills
about them, and replied that he did
not know, as his parents only moved
into town the day before"
DURING n trial the Judge called a
witness. No one answered, and an
elderly man arose and solemnly said
she was gone. "Where has he gone %
asked the Judge, in no tender tone 81
don't know, but he is dead" was the
guarded answer.
"WHY, Ichabod, L thought you got
married more'n a year ago." "Well,
Aunt Jerusha, it was talked of, but
found out that the girl and all her
folks were opposed to it, and so L Just
give 'em all the mitten and let the thing
drop"
A WICKED boy, upon whose shoulders
his mother was expressing her resent
ment with both slippers, felt too proud
to cry, and kept up his courage by re
mating IN b1moalf sgTrro s1loa A.