The Republican journal., 1875-01-14
Tho Coming Wife.

TUIu lut DcIEoll rec TT0sS.
She's little bit of woman all patience
and sunshine, and I'd spoil the best silk
hat that money could buy for the privilege
of lending her my umbrella in q rain
storm.
She's married, and she's got an old rhi-
noceros of a husband. He makes it a
practice to come home tight at eleven
o'clock every other night, and has for
years, and he can't remember that she
ever gave him a cross word about it. When
he falls into the hall she is waiting to close
the door and help him back to the sitting
room, where good fire awaits him. She
draws off his boots, unbuttons his collar,
helps him off with his coat. and all the
time she is saying:
Poor Henry How sorry l am that you
had this attack Of vertigo! | am afraid
that you will be found dead by the road
side some night"
"Whazzer mean by verzhigo'' he
growls; but she helps him off with his
vest, and pleasantly continues:
I'm so glad you got home all right. l
hope the day will come when you can pass
more of your time at home. 1t is dread
tul how your business drives you"
"Whaz bizshness-whaz yer talking
'bout?' he replies.
'sPoor one-how hot your head is y she
continues, and presently he breaks down
and weeps and exclaims;
"Yez zur-zic's 'orse-wcaring zelf
out thast's can-wishzi was deado'
Next morning she never refers to the
subject, but pleasantly inquiries how he
slept, and if his mind is clear, His boots
may be missing, and he yells out:
''Whar'n thunder's my boots..''
Right here, my dear !" she replies, and
hands them out, all nicely blacked up.
1t she wants a dress, or hat. or a
cloak, and he yells out that household ex-
penses are eating him up, she never
'.sasses" him back, nor tells him she could
have married a Congressman, nor declares
that she will write to her mother and tell
her Just how it is.
''Ihats so, my dear, times are hard, >
she says. and she gets up just as good a
dinner as if he had left her fifty dollars.
lie may come home tight at supper
time, but she is not shocked. She remarks
that it is an unexpected pleasure to have
him home so early, and she pretends not
to notice his stupid look. lie sees three
chairs where there is but one, and trying
to sit down he strikes the floor like the
fall of derrick.
"Whazzer jaw That chair way for" he
yells, and she replies:
''lt's that hole in the carpet knew
you would stumbler and she helps him
up and brings him "A strong cup OF tea.
They do not keep a servant, and when
cold weather came she never thought OF
p,anking herself down in a chair opposite
him and saying:
Now then, you'll either get up and
light the fires or there won't be any light
ed-mark that, old baldhead." !"
No, she didn't resort to any such base
and tyrannical measures When daylight
comes she slips out ofbcd, makes two fires,
warns his socks and then, bcnding over
him, she Whispers
Arise, darling, and greet the festive morn"
Hes sick sometimes, and I've known
that woman TO coax him for two straight
hours to take the doctors medicine, turn
over his pillow twenty-five times, keep q
wet cloth on his head, pare his corns down,
and then wish she had quail to make him
some soup. When he gets into fight
down town and comes home with his ears
bitten up and his nose pointed to the north
east, she inquiries how the horse happen
ed to run away with him, and she says
she is so thankful that he wasn't killed
She has an excuse for any thing. and she
never admits that any one but herself is tC
blame about any thing. Lor' bless her
hope she'll slip into heaven and never be
asked a question