The Andrew County Republican. [volume] (Savannah, Mo.) 1871-1876, 1875-01-29
1RIETIES
WATCH word-Tick.

u WATCH iu-1IC
New name for fog-Air apparent.
COMrLIMENTs-Lies in court dress.
TIE fool seeketh to pick a fly from a
mules hind leg. The wise man letteth
out the job to the lowest bidder.
"DID you break that Window
"To be ure L did" replied Pat ; "ard
didn't ye see me runnin' houe after the
money to pay for it
"AM not a little pale?" inquired a
LADY who was short and corpulent, of q
crusty old bachelor. "You lock more
like q big tub" was the blunt reply.
DETROIT boys DO not say ga stitch
in time saves nine" but yell out:
Here, nam, if We don't yank this old
rent together pretty soon the hole will
be all over my clothes"
A RICH but parsimoniOus old gentle
man, on being taken to task for his IN
chalitableness, said, "True, I don't
give mucs, but if you only knew how
it hurts when l give anything, You
wouldn't wonder"
4 LoDGISG-HoUSE iend tells the story
that in q recent thunder storm the war
ring of the elements Was SO a~ge-inspir-
ing that the hair in q dish OF butter in
the pantry turned completely white
during the night.
"WHATs your busincss?" said the
magistrate Of a police court, tie other
morning, to q prisoner. I'm an OBJ
seryationist, your worship" "An OBJ
servation;st! What is that?" Zone
who looks around in the daytime to see
what he can steal at night, if it pieases
your Worship"
The Warden of the Ohio Penitentiary
has discharged the prison doctor and
detailed one of the ~convicts, who is an
educated physician, to perform the du-
ties. The Warden claims that thereby
he saves 81, 800 a year to the State, and
besides IS sure that the physician will
always be within reach when needed.
The widower's grief has been pro-
nounced by competent authority to be
lovely while it lasts, but it is not con
structed to endure the rude assaults of
time. A Connecticut man, who only
last spring threw himself upon the cold
turf that wrapped his beloved's clay,
and wept till his eyelashes fell ont, has
since had three women following him
around for alimony.
"DEAR George, how sweet and wavy
that wheat is :" exclaimed a fair young
lady, looking languidly from a car
window. eyes, love, how beautiful"
says dear George, more intent On ill.,
~sinuating his arm around atwenty-four-
bone corset, chow like a-a-how like
Il dweam!" "How like oats !" rctCrted
a Disguised Granger, "them's oats,
young mani"
The kind of whisky they have in
Frisco: after that the cloth was
took off, and the liquors war bro't in.
And wot liquors they WIZ, too! The
whisky wuz none O this yer kind that
makes a man feel like sayin': L kin
lick any son of a gun in the house. and
makes him smash things ginerally.
No, sir. It war the kind that jist
makes a man lift his glass up gintly,
and say Joe, old pard, I'm lookin'
at yer"
A CHATHAM street dealer had what
he called army brogans and cavalry
boots. An ex-soldier purchased a pair
OF the latter one rainy day, but returned
to the store within a few minutes, COM
planning that the soles were of paste
board and had already soaked to a pulp.
"Vot you vos done NIT dem boots 2"
asked the dealer. "Why, I walked
two or three blocks?" "Volk? You
volk in dem boots? Wy, dem vos CAV
airy boots !"-Sun.