The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-11-30
Things In General.
Spirit Of the press-cider.
Blunt men are generally sharp.
A seedy occupation-tbc florist

|
A seedy occupation-thc florist.
Carpets are bought by the yard and
worn by the foot.
The business that goes altogether on
tick-telegraphiDg.
Consolation for old maids-rM Misfor.
tunes never come singly."
What does an honest grocer do with
his goods ? Ho gives them away Ia
Weigh
Why do honest ducks dip their heads
under water? ? To liquidate their little
bills.
1t is said that when girl is born in
Indiana the unhappy father begins to
save money to buy piano.
An Irish doctor lately sent his bill to
o lady as follows ITO curing your hus-
band till he died"
Why is coal the most contradiction ar.
ticle known to commerce Because when
purchased it goes to the cellar.
What is the difference between a belle
and burglar ? The belle carries false
locks, and the burglar false keys.
In the state of New York the man who
ties his horse or team under a shade tree,
also tics him under penalty of ten dol.
lars
A Milwaukee editor has had returned
to him book borrowed twenty.scven
years ago, and begins to have hopes Of
humanity after all
Considerato father: you should ea,
Graham bread, my son it makes bone
Responsive youth "H'm, I'm ,'bout all
bones now"
Two old crows which perch on tree
in Dudley, Mass, every afternoon. and
cav until hundreds of others arc collect.
ed, are called Moody and Sankey
Do you think t was best to drop Dea.
con West and Sister Moulton, too But
who would suppose such triAe as those
would cause such a hullabaloo2
A little boy, gazing upon an old pic.
ture OF his mother, taken in low dress,
remarked Mamma, you was mos ready
for bed when dat picter was tooken !"
Prince John Scbleswig- Holstein.Sand.
aburg-Gluckborg arrived in England
Tuesday. The res. of his name will
come over in special car sometime next
week.
One Frenchman gives to another the
following advice "Jaques, if you keep
on quarreling with everybody who loves
your wife, you will soon have no friends"
Talk about the extravaganza in dress
Of women |" cries Martha Jane, ezultipg.
ly, "What do you say to Tweed's six
million suit, I'd like to know He isn't
woman, l guess ~
See to it that your wife is kissed and
petted. and caressed-even if you have
to do it yourself" A man who desires
peace in his household must expect to
make some sacrifices
kissing by the sea'-that must be
NICE" quoth Martha Jane, innocently,
reading music publishers notice.
"Pooh ~ said Fitz. Doodle they're moth
ing but fishing cks."-Graphic.
What can | do to make you love me
more ?" asked youth of his girl, the
eating eating onions and throw your shoulders
back when you walk" was the immediate
reply.
"But why do they call it crooked
whisky?' asked Martha Jane. because
replied Fitz.Boodle, gravely, although
it is generally taken straight, those who
consume much Of it are nearly always on
BENDER" She was satisfied.
"Jim,' inquired a school boy of one of
his mates, "what is the meaning of relI
les ?" Don't you know Well, can
tell you. You know the master licked
me in school, yesterday" "Yes." "Wel!,
he wasn't satisfied with that, but kept
me after school and licked me again.
That is what call re.lick."
Jones sat down in his dining.room at
peace with all the world, and said, "Now
Hannah, bring the cold mutton. No hot
meat for me this weather." Hannah hes.
itated for minute and said, "But done
give it away, SIR" "Give it away Give
If any tramps Called Was f6' glXSdr lXSdr"t "tdea
the cold shoulder"
Roger NJ. Sherman was arguing case
and made point which the Judge did
net at once see. "Mr. Sherman" said he,
IL would thank you to state the point SO
that can understand you" Bowing po.
litely, Sherman replied in his blandest
manner "Your honor is not probably
aware of the task you are imposing upon
me-
a traveller visiting a cathedral was
shown by the sacristan among other mar
vels. dirty, opaque glass phial. After
cycling it some time the traveller said,
"Do you call this a relief Why, it is
empty" Empty !" retorted the sacris-
tan Indignantly. "Sir, il contains some
Of the darkness that Moses spread over
the land of Egypt"
AT the police station Judge ito the
prisoner) "You were arrested at the very
moment you were taking the portemonaie
from the gentleman's pocket The pris-
oner-"Yes, sir but WAS going to put
it back My first thought is often bad
nay second is often good. The policeman
who arrested me should have waited for
my second thought"
An old lady residing in Ohio lost The
companion wita whom she had logged on
for many years, and neglected to mark
the spot of his burial by even a stone.
Not long after coming into possession of
a small legacy, sister of the deceased
said to her, II suppose you will now put
up stones for Daniel p Her answer was