The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-02-04
HUMOROUS.

money
man named his hen "Macduff," be-
cause he wanted her to "lay on"
When our ancestors wanted hot rum
punch, they said so without evasion;
they did not call it "kettled-rum."
An Oswego woman advertises that she
has purchased shotgun, and will shoot
any man who gives her husband liquor.
There are over ten million women in |
America, and yet Tom Hutton of Georgia,
hung himself on account of girl fifteen
years old
Mrs. Green, a Kansas widow, wants to
marry again, and, as a recommendation,
she says she has used one broom for
! fourteen years.
"Ain't it wicked to rob dis here roost,
Jim 2 "Dats a great moral question,
Gumbo we ein't got time to argue it
now Hand down another pulletr'
"There p said Jones, as he wrathfully
pushed away the pie which his landlady
had just served him; that stuff isn't fit
for pig to eat, and l amt going to
eat it
81 want to know" said a creditor,
fiercely, when you are. going to pay me
what you owe me?' Il give it up" re-
piled the debtor; TASK me something
easy"
Mr.. Marrowfat rather snappishly re-
marked to his wife last Sunday, that a
man cant always be thinking of his i'm
mortal soul. He must have time to eat
his meals,
a Chicago gentleman who recently
travelled through Ohio, says that every
body he met called potatoes "taters,"
except one young lady, who called him a
small pertater."
AT the laying of the cornerstone of the
new capitol of Iowa, no speeches were
made, except few remarks by work
man who got his fingers pinched, and
they were brief and to the point.
Honorable mention is made of a Maine
servant girl who is now serving her
eigh hty-second winter under the same roof
She has washed dishes SO, 100 times, and
comes yet gaily to her task. Blessed old
girl
The Cincinnati Enquirer offers to bet
five hundred dollars that no fashionable
lady ever goes to bed without first look
ing in her glass and a rival is willing to
risk the same sum that no Cincinnati
editor goes to bed without drinking out
of his
Brother Beecher," says the venerable
DR.. Bacon, laying his hand on the great
preachers shoulder, Brother Beecher, l
fear the devil whispered in your ear just
now, that this was very fine lecture. =
40, no." replied Mr.. Beecher she left
that for you to do"
A man, praising porter, said it was SC
I excellent a beverage that, though taken
in great quantities, it always made him
D fat. Il have seen the time" said an
other, when it made you lean" When
! l should be glad to know inquired the
; eulogist. why, no longer ago than last
n night-against a wall"
An artist who had painted a portrait o.
: a gentleman noted for his frequent liba
> tions, invited the gentleman's friends tc
see it. One of them who is rather near
sighted, approaching it too closely, the
D artist, in alarm, exclaimed, Don't touch
u it; it isn't dryr mo use looking at it
= then,' replied the gentleman, "it can't be
n my friend
A Michigan man writes that lumber
s man out there being poorly provided will
d materials of sustenance for his men, fec
5, them with pork cooked with the rinG
e upon it. A young man of the company
n not liking that outer portion of the food
r was observed by the host carefully re
O moving the outside covering, whereupor
b mine host said:
= young man, we eat rind and al
l. here"
Y To which the youth replied, "All right
= old man, I'm cutting it off for you
" North Carolina he was talking with al
English gentleman in reference to lega
. formalities in English and American
courts, and while there was less red
. tapeism with US, there were certain forms
{ that were adhered to with great tenacity
- :, in illustration. he said, jocosely, Don
go away with the notion that we discard
forms. Judge -, Sir, is as great
81 stickler for forms as any man in you
> country. One day soldier who hac
u been battered considerably in the wal
! was brought in as a witness. The judge
= told him to hold up his right hand.
10 Cant do it, Sir said the man.
"Why not2
o 'Got a shot in that arm, Sir.
o Then hold up your left"
It The man said he had got a shot in tina
s arm too.
s. Then" said the judge, sternly, "yol
e must hold up your leg. No man can b.
't sworn, Sir, in this court by law unless h
n holds up something"
= General ONeill, a gentleman of som'
2 means, having come over from "the oulc
j. sod" to settle in Nebraska, sent to vari
Gus parties sheet of printed questions
% to which he desired answers. We give
e few of the generals questions, and the
I