Middletown transcript., 1875-04-17
Uarieties.
A man is successful when he makes
life give him what be wants.

l.
A puppy and an ACCORDION were the
marriage fee offered to a Cedar Springs
clergyman the other day
Wisconsin has appointed ) State
geologist, with the understanding that
he shall find gold in some portion Of
the State. $50
The new soldiers bounty in the
United States is S.33 month";. and no
agent can charge more than ten dol
lar bill for collecting it. @
In Illinois the wages of female teach
srs have risen ssventy-four per cent in
fifteen years, the wages Of male only
sixty-three per cent. N @ issi
A Boston paper has found loyal
Indian who does not steal or drink
whiskey. He is at present occupying
q position in front Of cigar store. Z
1t is hard to lose friend after friend,
to see them slipping from you one BY
one. but it is still harder to find towel
with your eyes full Of soap.
1t is estimated that Chicago will
handle hundred million bushels Of
grain this year. Last year the quantity
handled was nearly ninety-six millions.
A clergyman, at Taunton, Mass. !.
lately asked his parishioners to reduce
bis pay. as many members Of his church
had lately suffered reduction in theirs.
A candidate for county clerk in
Texas offered to register marriages for
nothing. His opponent, uudismayed.
promised to do the same, and throw a.
cradle in. /. 4i III 7eat
"Sweet are the uses of adversity, ."
remarked Johnny, as his mother gave
him lump efsugar candy. to compen-s
safe for fall down the cellar stairs. q
The man who failed to "put in an
appearance" was a conscientious man.
He remembered the provsrb which
teaches that appearances are deceitful.
A physiognemist was sxpiating on
the meaning Of the chin, when a lady
remarked. ri knew what one kind Of
ohin-the ur-chin-alWays means, and
that is mischief" ed a
What time is it p asked one passen-
ger Of another in q Detroit depot the
other day. "Ten minutes to wait" J"
was the answer, as the man looked up
at the timetable. aae 9taissf9
Habits are costly things. OF the
$34,OOO,00 which the new United i
States tax bill is expected to bring in.
twelve will come from whisksy, and six
from tobacco and cigars.
'Where woman, says Mrs. Part
ington, "has been married with con-
gealing heart, and one that beats des-
ponding to her own, she will never
want to enter the maritime state again"
why. George! are you smoking :"
exclaimed an amazed mother. who came
upon her little son as he was putting
away at Cigar. No, mama !! I'm
only keeping it lighted for another
boy"
A young lady in North Carolina re-
quested to be released from her marriage
engagement on the ground that when
she contracted it she believed her lover
ga duck" but has since found him to
he ga goose" a3s % 81
Some singers at concert were some
what startled the other evening by find-
ing that the selection. 'When wearied
wretches sink to Sleep" had been print
ed on the programme, "When married
wretches," 60 ' -
"Do you belong to this beat p said
a passenger on Mississippi steamer to
a rough looking old man." ssNo, the
boat belongs to me!' quietly responded
the stranger and SO it did. and several
other steamboats, alse.
Said charitable lady to small Boy
who she found crying in the street the
other day, will yeu leave off crying
if I give you penny p "No.' said e
be. .but if you'll make it tuppence I'll "a
leave off if it kills me-"
Says Connecticut editor: A young
poet sends in . contribution entitled
LET us Love-" We will do our best,
but We have been married four years
now. and are little cut of practice.
A young lady having read about a :
mans having invented stove which
consumed its own smoke. hopes he will
leviss method whereby tobacco snek-
RS can be run on the same economical Il
principle.
An Irish boy having driven gentle
nan long stage ride through torrents
If rain, the gentleman civilly said to !.
lin. "Paddy. are you not very wet %
'Arrah, I don't care about being very
vet: but, place yer honor, I'm very
lry."
An Irish gentleman was relating in
company that he saw a terrible wind
he other night. ''Saw a wind 7" said