Watertown republican. [volume] (Watertown, Wis.) 1860-1906, 1875-12-22
Odds and Ends.

|
Mary jones'"
BANGOR has band composed entirely
of Irishmen. 1t must be worth Erin
Boston Post. Certainly, because Irish
men seldom join brass bands. They have
to become Toot'uns to do it.
"How much did be leave ?" inonired
p gentleman upon learning of the death
of one of our wealthy citizens. sEvery-
thing" was the reply. "He didn't take
dollar with him."
"JoHN," said fond wife, enthusiastic
cally, pointing out to her husband q
little shop on Main street, s'when you
die I'm going to take the insurance and
buy that little place and set up MILL
merry.
The verdict of the coroner's Jury in
the case of Detroit dry goods clerk
who died suddenly the other day was !:
After a careful examination, we find
that death ensued from his ha, ing ne
elected to ask: Anything else to-day p
OF lady leaving the store"
Yesterday we heard an old darkey
preaching divinity to his less informed
brethren. He said: "Look hyar;
when pusson goes under the water by
hisseif you can believe the spirit of the
Lord is upon him. Jess 90 way wild
dem niggers you haze to pull under. -
Brooklyn Aryus.
SAID a Nevada lawyer concerning
man who has kicked his wife down
stairs: "Gentlemen of the jury, he
b listed her Great heavens, he h'isted
her He--the brute, once, perhaps, a
man-raised his foot and applied it to
the form of her who, at the holy altar,
he had sworn to love and cherish"
SEcUNDUM ARTEM. The early bird
catches the worm. Struggling young
physician (who, after listening with
rapt attention to the symptoms of his
first patient, strikes a hand-beu and
summons his faithful attendant)-"O-er
Roberts |" Roberts Yes, sir"
Physician-"When Mr.. Gladstone comes
take him into the breakfast-room and
ask him to be so kind as to wait little
while. Go patient)-Now, Madam
Punch.
PRUDENT SLUMBER-" Sleepin', Ton
aid ?" said Highlander to drowsy &C.
quaintance, who was Illuminating on the
grass in horizontal position. "No,
Tuncan," was the ready answer. .Then,
Tcnald; would you'll no lend me ten
and twenty shlll1ngs?" was the next
question. cough, ough |" was the re-
spouse, with heavy snore, "1'm
sleepin' moo, Tuncan, my lad
THAT "ExP1AINs IT. Green" How
is it, Brown, you always have such
splendid fruit from your gardenp I
exhibit, and carry off cups and prizes
Cat least my gardener does, for I only
see it in print), but I never have such
fruit as this on my table r Brown
Simplest thing in the world, old fell
low. / keep garden for my garden;
you keep garden for your gardener u
Punch.
"WHERE have you been ?" she asked
angrily as he came In with pair of red
eyes, and languid and unsteady step.
He explained that he had been taking
boxing lessons from friend, and that
the punishment visited upon his head
had made him dizzy. Then she squared
off at him and began to waltz back and
forth with such rapid aud threatening
gesticulations, that he was compelled to
own up that he had been at meeting
of the deacons and felt tired. -Brooklyn
Aryus.
A CHEERFUL EvENNa.-The other
evening when Detroiter and his wife
felt lonesome they decided to go over
an d call on an acquaintance and pass
an hour away. "Ah! TIM glad to see
you'll" exclaimed the acquaintance as he
opened the door. ssCome right in and
take off your things. I've got 100
verses of poem written, and ] want to
read them to you and see what you
think of my talent!" They didn't go
out anywhere next evening. q
BEHIND the bars of Auburn Prison
there pines veritable genius. His
name is Mitchell, and during his term
of imprisonment he has busted himself
in cutting out Of wood various fancy
articles. The entire collection is said
to be beautiful, and the workmanship
is such as to excite the wonder and adj
miration of all who gee it. Skillful
mechanics have placed the value of the
collection at S 600. Mitchells sentence
was for ten years; but for good behavior
his term has been shortened, and he
will be free In the spring of 1877.
A HEN never has regular meal-she
always gets picksd-up dinner.-Cons-
mercinI Bulletin And she has to
scratch around considerable to get it,
| too. But then it doesn't cost anything.
She has it all put down in the bill -
Boston advertiser. Those punsters
ought to be cooped.-M. Louis Rep.b-
licaa. Oh, no, let 'em crawl around for
q full crop of puns on the subject.
.Norrsstovn Herald. To hatch up any
more would require complete i-sight
into the ehicanery of the business. And
then you fellows would lay your heads
together and pullet it ali to pieces
Ne,u York Commercial Advertiser.
| In the early days of Pennsylvania
there wss law that started as follows:
"That if any white female of ton years
or upwards should appear In any street,
lane, highway, church. COURTHOUSE, tay-
ern, ball room, theatre, or public place
of resort with naked shoulders q. e.,
low necked dresses), being able to pur-
chase necessary clothing. she shall for
felt and pay . fine of not less than one
II <x,eo hun6roA dollars ~