The New York herald., 1875-03-25
THE CLERK OF THE WEATHER.
WHAT HE SAYS ABOUT HIS coSDUcr-coLD
WEATHER NEcEssARY-No WARM DAYS PER-

WEATHER NECESSARY-NO WAHM DAao
MrrTED TILL THE BEEcHEE TRIAL IS OVER.
'There Is 10 pleasing these people OF New
York; cred the Clerk OF the weather, petulantly,
10 the HERALD reporter yesterday. on being asked
to explain the unaccountable antics or His Clerk
nip ever since the dawn OF tue month OF March.
HRain down pancakes on top OF 'enn. ana sti they
rouldn't be satisfied" he continued, with energy.
Then Won must shower atop of the cakes an inch
ihick OF moasses, ana then they'd growl II you
didn't supply them with O hood OF Ao! cohee. NO
satisfying them sort OF people, anyhow" and the
grizzly old man took his pea rom behind bis ear
ana signed draft Tor three weeks more OF "good
sun, nvely weather, warranted 10 keep winter
clothing fashionable a while longer"
sYou must admit old man. spoke up the HERALD
reporter from out OF his Siberian suit OF friezes
and nannels, not caring BUTTON for the worst HIS
Clerkshlp might DO ''you must admit you are
very disagreeaole, unreliable and undesirable ac-
quainiance. You are as treacherous as JUDAS
Iscariot. New York has tolerated you too long.
longer than 1t did the Tammany Ring or the Com
nittee OF seventy. We are the metropolis OF
mighty empire, entitled 10 fair treatment. ID IL
lot enough that taxation is three and half per
cent, that the Third avenue and all the other
Itreet cars our only means OF transit that the
street Cleaning Bureau receives ST. 100000 year
for sweeping the streets and turns over to Provi-
reminds me OF asking you, my old rooster, II you
hold any STOCK IN this street cleaning contract"
'It's an impeItnent question replied the I'M;
placable old knave, ''bur l seldom have cIvu
word from anybody in New YORK, and certainly
DON'T expect any noW"
II should think not," stouty answered the re-
porter. "Oughtn't you be ashamed OF yoursei 10
lut on any community respectable people such
osgracelul weather such beastly, outrageous ana
murderous weather? What have we done? Are
we as bad as Cnca@o' or Is It because Brooklyn Is
naughty New York must sunerW
.'You ask me-" ne answered,
WINKING nIS EYES
solemnly, '4f 1 mold stock in the Street Cleaning
Bureau. | think | ought 10 hold the most oil Il.
You denounce me, you call me all the vlanous
epithets you think OF. but who saves you from
washes into the sewers and rivers the
plague-breedlng garbage and onal OF your
my thanks. You pay q party in Mulberry street
tl,ooo 600 for hsn-yearly snow OF WORKOUT
aoes an the nard work, with abuse"
That's al very well; but YOU know. my aged
buner. that YOU make the excuse FOR the party in
Muloerry street. ioa are the partner TO the
gwindle. You jump N and do the work every time
you're wanted. lhls tnlng Of nuriing down tons
OF snow on top oil Us In tue merry mouth OF March
just Tor the mere fun OF showing now well you can
beiriend the Street Cleaning Department in wash
ing it all away III tWehty-our hours - very un-
dlgnlaed employment tor you. Mr.. Clerk'
"As l sad before you folks IN New YORK
are never satisned. Since the beginning or
March l have sent you different samples OF the
weather ! keep on hand, aud none seems TO suit.
/ have given you clarified Polar weather good for
the woolen business solt, snow-lined weather,
splendid Tor gum shoes; Dlxum-gatherum
weather, composed OF all sorts, tribe OF wind and
SNOW ana a trlne OF snow without wind anc SO on.
i nave u nigh, moral aad sanitary purpose IA dis
pensiug the present weather. Your clty ls, un-
fortunately, adjacent 10 Brooklyn. The atmos-
phere OF that unhappy and aiillcted village IS
highly charged with impurities Since the
Beecnef- IIItoD trial began /, is
WORSE THAS EVER
Sanitary precautions OF the most rigid Kind have
could be made between the two cities. New York
is IN danger from Brooklyn, and both nave TO 60
through the same fumIgatlng prOceSS.'
''Do you mean 10 say this purifying process Is to
be Kept up tIl the trial IS over?o
''Verly, 1t Is 50. Cold Is a great remedy for
screw years ago and gwen them nine
ten months Ol Minnesota weather the moral cai-
epozr would be cleaner to-day am sorry the
country must suffer Tor Brooklyn, but II 1 should
dispense any warm weather to this trial, II would
tester 50, and the contaglon would spread 50 iast
endanger the whole nation. When MIS-
Morse comes on the witness stand sh al order
an extra iall o! snow. The air must be tempered
a. tnat CRISIS the results might be lame ntaUie'
"Well, now, Mr. Clerk or the Weather, can
you are very plausible old fraud. You don't
treat Washington, d. c., TINS sort OF shabby
havlor, ana yet the atmosphere Is ten times worse
than tnat OF Bro0klynn
'Ah, welLn he answered, 81 am not inhUma IN.
Poor Grant suffered enough from bad weather
last year, and I'm disposed TO let up on hIm easy
this time"
81 ask you as q parting question, how long is
winter TO linger and loll II the lap OF sprlngr'
"Unt1l the Judges charge 10 the jury the
Tlton- Beecher traI. Unul then Brooklyn and ad-
jacent cities must be kept IN ice. TIE smell ls
bad enough as 1t ls but with the warm weather 1t
would De simply unDearabie." saying this, he
yurped on stiH blast from the Norta Pole ana
n ~ n