Lyon County times. [volume] (Silver City, Nev.) 1874-1907, 1875-01-14
VARIETIES.

full provider, and that she will never
want for the necessaries of life! A
newly married man was recently di-
rected by his vile to order some
Yeast, and not having a very well
defined idea Of the article, he told
the baker to send up three dollars
worth. Early next morning, three
men might have been seen tugging a
.cask of yeast up the front steps of
that mans house.
..No, she haint much on singing"
replied an Iowa farmer when ques-
toned about his new wife, "but it
would make your hair stand right
,up, mister, to hear her call up the
COWS once.'
"Do you know why you are like
the third term?" said Susan Jane to
her brother, who fingered to talk
with her Adolphus after the old folks
had retired. "No, 1 DON'T "Well,"
replied his saccharine sister, .sit's be-
cause you are one too many"
A mother advised her daughter to
oil her hair, and tainted flat away
when that damsel replied! "Oh no,
ma; it spoils the gentlemen's vests"
Landlady (fiercely)- You must
not occupy that bed with your boots
on!" Boarder =" o, never mind,
they're only an old pair; the bed
bugs can't hurt 'em-I'll risk it,
anyhow"
The Detroit Free Press presumes
that if fashionable young lady
were wrecked on lonely island, and
remain there for five years she'd get
along tolerably we'll as long as she
had anything to use for her COM
plexion.
A once wealthy gentleman COM
planned that he had sunk so deep
in poverty that he was no longer
able to pay his respects to his
mother-in-law.
What is pride, my SOM" asked
father, twiddling his gold-headed
cane. Its walking with a cane
when you amt lame," replied the
intelligent lad
An officer advising his general to
capture a post, remarked that it
would cost the lives of but few
men, Will you make one of the
few?" asked the general.
1t is now pretty generally admit
ted that American steels are about
equal to any foreign steels, and
American " steals" are confessed to
be ahead of all others in the civil
ized world.
1t is so often the case that 90 free
admission" to a meeting, means B." a
collection at the conclusion, that
the Liverpool papers are now adj
ding to some of their announce
ments entrance and exit free"
A Chinese author, in recent
book of travels, thus describes an
American court: zone man sits
silent and sometimes shakes his
head; two or three others talk all
the time; and twelve wise men con-
denim a man who has not said a
word"
Il say, Jones, have you heard
that Brown has failed ?" No
has he? Well, Tn glad of it. I've
always felt friendly toward Brown.
He's worked hard for a good many
years, and its time he began to lay
OFT and take things easy. l sup
pose he'll set up a carriage now,
won't he?"
A young lad fell into a mud
puddle off curbstone in Detroit
the other day, and he was bowling
and wailing, when another boy
came along, and remarked {:
"Humph! guess 1 wouldn't howl
because l fell in the mud" "That
hain't what Tn bowling about, :"
blubbered the boy. "I'm crying
cause my brother is sick"
A tough old Scotchman was ac-
cused of being bigoted and set in
his way, but he Indignantly denied
IL, saying, "I'm always open to
conviction, but I'd like to see the
man that can convince me-"
ADAM and Eve escaped two seri-
GUS annoyances of modern lovers.