The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-09-23
Wit and HulnOr.

A REGULAR knock-down of talent-A
hammer-ture performance.
NEVER despise poor man. Remem-
Der, we were all children in aims once.
You'll find it true. The greatest re-
publican has seldom any objection TO a
sovereign!
A CLERGYMAN at Pittsfeld, Mass, has
declined to marry a couple because the
groom couldn't repeat the Lords prayer.
HANDKERCHIEF Irritation, (" to be sue
cessful, must have fool on either side
of the street to make the motions. Carl
Pretzel.
He fondly hoped It would have been a
boy, but it wasn't, and ever since then
he's been wringing his hands and MUIR
muring, g A lass, lass. !"
stOUR common mothers unfortunate
fruit speculation, is the latest way of
referring to that misfortune which com
pels us to work for living.
"I DON'T want your paper any
longer, y wrote subscriber to an editor.
10 which the editor replied, :" I wouldn't
make it any longer if you did. I"
OUR preachers, who are fond of speak
ing out of churches, could not do bet
ter thing than to preach on baseball
grounds on Sunday afternoon.-Cd
Pretzel.
| WALKING horse-races have come into
usage at Western fairs. It is urged in
favor of such contests that horses able to
walk four or five miles an hour are OF
more value to farmers for farm work
than those that can trot mile in
j two-twenty. It's true, too.
YESTERDAY afternoon when resident
of Woodward avenue saw lawn-mower
at the gate of an acquaintance who hasn't
six spears of grass around his house, and
who doesn't own the house anyway, he
| inquired in tone of surprise Why,
what do you want of a lawn-mower?"
SO Well, don't exactly need it, was
the reply, ''but the children can haul
it around, and the man offered to trust
me for it. Detroit Free Press.
A VERMONT maiden fell from crag
while plucking q wild flower on the
British side of Niagara in 1847. A stand
for the sale of refreshments was imme
diately arranged near the spot with
signboard with this inscription
Oh, woman most beauteous of the human race,
Be careful when you visit this dangerous place;
For here Miss Martha Rigg-aged twenty-three-
Was launched into eternity
And if she had not lost her life,
She would have made virtuous wife.
THE Peoria Transcript has this titbit:
Yesterday one of the compositors Ill
the Transcript news-room shot off his
mouth in remark that struck us as be-
ing worthy of preservation. He was
looking out Of one of the front windows
and saw very tall woman clad In one OF
the most ultra of the present style of
pull back dresses passing by. oh, Dick,
he exclaimed to companion, look at
that woman wouldn't double barreled
shotgun make her nice pair of
drawers?' Dick thought it would"
A WOMAN who could not speak above
whisper, owing to bronchial affection,
stood by her gate on Tenth street yester-
day and crooked her finger at boy
about IL years old who was devouring a
melon on the grocery half block away.
He paid no attention to her, and she
slid up, seized him by the collar, and
planted her foot where she believed it
would do the most g60d. "ThHnder!"
exclaimed the surprised and ast0nished
boy, " thought you'd lost your voice r
$50 I have" whisperSd he mother,
"but when I crook my finger you'll
travel or I'll make you think y bridge hit
you. "-Detr0it Free Press.