The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-03-26
TRIPLES.

AoHIhiou t-Sab-p please SEul ING
door.
~ poor reIation-.elling An anec-
dole badly.
AS you cannot avoid your own |
company make it as good as posi-
BILE.
Habit Ia cable. Every day we
weave thread, ana soon we cannot
break it.
Mrs. Beecher is an awful Lomely |
woman, but then her bread is never |
heavy
1t is the high price OF slate PEN
ellis that is driving the saloon-keep-
ers to the poor-house.
Two things in this world that
should not be trifled with--a Wo-
mans opinion, and the business end
of wasp.
MAY heaven bless and keep You
from your own true love, benjamin.
Herrick," was the way the letter
ended.
''Teeth in exchange for wheat,
pork or potatoes" is what an enter
pricing dentist in one of the state
towns adVertises.
Josh Billings says: .There amt
ANYTHING that will completely cure
laziness, though q second wife has
been known to hurry it some"
y Rhode Island woman SAWS that
shed rather have the nightmare sev-
en- straight nights than tell her hus-
band that the flour barrel is empty.
When a Chicago man gets rich,
he writes TO Eastern publishing
houses and tells them to send shalt
a ton of books with gilt on."-Mil-
waukee News.
Give your son q good education
and settled purpose in life, and
when he is q man he will not be
content TO sit back of a grocery
stove and crack his finger-joints.
There is said 10 be but one di-
vorce in England to every ten in
America. Comparatively few En-
glish people marry for fun. it wonld
seem.-Courter Journal.
Au Annapolis man rode clear to
Savannah to lick fellow who call
ed him a liar, and the undertaken
sail he meyer saw a dead man look
so much like quarter of beef.
The saddest thing in life is the
spe ctabIe afforded by 4 young per-
son who has burnt AL her hair off
her forehead with > hot slate pencil
and cannot afford 10 buy row of
curIs.
n little Americau lad who had
just commenced reading the news
papers asked his father If the word |
"Hon." prefixed to the name of a
member of Congress meant "hon-
est
No, Mr.. Indiana man, we don't
want to buy any autographs of Gen.
Washington at 50 so each. We
can write all we want, and do as
we'll as Washington used to.-De-
troit Free Press.
Said q pompous husband, whose
wife had stole up behind and given |
him q kiss: madame, 1 consider
such an act indecorous." excuse |
me" said the wife, 81 didn't know
il was you"
A. T. Stewart once paid $4,000
for painting forty feet long, and /
every since then he makes it q
practice every night and morning
of saying TO himself: Stewart
you are the biggest jackass in
America"
Deacon Ladue. of Wisconsin,
went to the barn the other day and /
hung himself with q log chain be.
cause his wife playfully kicked his
hat off and exclaimed: 'That's the |,
kind of clothes-pin l ami"
The ghost of Noah Webster came
to a spiritual medium in Alabama. i
not long since, aud wrote on 8 slip /,
of paper: sit is lite times" Noah
was right, but we are sorry TO see
he Las gone back on his dictionary.
II the James brothers carry six
revOlvers and two bowie-knivesl
each. besides q Henry rifle, Quad
says he shall peg right along in the
office and mako no attempts to Sc
cure that $4,000 reWard.-Detroit
Free Press.
Machinery has reached q great
state of perfection. An exchange
remarks: ave recently saw some
burnt peas put into the hopper of q 4
coffee mill, and ia less than two J
minutes they were occupying aft
place In grocery window, labelled
Fire Old Mocha"
1t is simply absurd to talk about !
woman being qualified to I'LL
avery position In life that 8 man !
alas. For instance, what woman
could lounge around the stove in 4 !
country grocery and lie about the
number OF Gshes she caught last
summer.-Nilwsnkee Sentinel.
II tell you.1 said , Wisconsin man !: