The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-02-06
VARIETY.


4" Patrick said the priest, '' how much hay
did you steal2'' "a Well, may as well confess to
youT reverence for the whole stack, for am going
after the balance Of il tonight"
- What's your business p said magistrate Of
a police court, the other morning, TO a prisoner.
- I'm an observatiOnist. your worship. " An OBJ
servatiouisti what is that?'' IS One who looks
around in the daytime TO see what he can steal
nt night, if il Pleases your worship"
Next TO hash the most mysterious thing to Us
Is female attire, says the Cincinnati Enquirer
That's harsh.
A parting at n Chicago railroad depot" Do
not forget me or cease TO love me-" murmured
the husband. - Never, never" sobbed the wife,
and she pulled out a handkerchief and tied a knot
in it that she might remember
A Cincinnati reporter says that there is some
thing grand in the sight Of pair OF runaway
horses but the Detroit Free Press believes that
n good deal depends on whether n man is on a
fence or trying to climb over the end-bOard OF a
wagon.
The little cards that the exhibitors at the Ex-
position hand you not particularly interest
ing. bat we were touching to observe yesterday,
on the card Of a coffin manufacturer, :" If you try
our eoHins once, yOn will never use any others. +"
--CinciHHafi Times.
AS IRREuULAR VKRB.-An American, teaching
English to a German, met his request for spe-
eimen Of an English irregular verb thus -
60 thou wentest, he departed, we made tracks,
you cut sticks, they skedaddled-"
A JrpGMKSr.-'' How much better it would
have been to have shaken hands, and allow it
was ali mistake - said Detroit Judge. IS Then
the lion and tie lamb would have lain down to-
eether, and white-rObed peace would have tanned
van with her wings and elevated you with her
smiles of appreciation. But, no; you went to
cIawing and biting and rolling in the mud, and
here you are. It's five dolls. piece
Tux. Two SIsrERs-An ill-humoured wifs.
abusing her husband on his mercenary disposi-
tion, told him that 1t she was Dead ne would
marry Satan's eldest daughter, if he could get
ANYTHING by il. THAT'S true" replied the hus-
band but the Is worst Of it is, one can't marry
two sisters
Az FprrOR.-The young man who is fitting
b;m.slr for a journalistic career asks US it the
chief EDITORS position Is dithcult- On the con-
trarv. it is the most comfortable place on the
DaDsr lie has only to dash OF tew columns
70 editorials day, and then enjoy himself. All
tbe zood-looking women with poems are shown
;nto his rooms and he smokes the cigars sent IN
G. tbe reporters He receives invitations TO
deliver addresses at county fairs, and carries
homo the best Of the books sent in Tor review.
When he hasnt anything else TO do nc looks over t
eonv and carefully ruus his pencil through the
80 the writer struggled four hours with and
considered hls masterpiece.-MIi. Ssniinei-
Nv,.~c1oLY AccIDENT.-The fireman Of the
s,sam- heating apparatus at the Central depot
yesterday found a penny as he was raking over
ibe hot ashes in the furnace. and he took 1t up
Witb the tougs and placed il on a bench outside
10 cool of Ii had hardly commenced 10 cool
Ivhen n heavy man named Johnson hEIng IN
Ssa,i0,vr enmc along. He was talking business
with n friend, and as he came to tire oench ne
'D,rted his coat-taiIs and sat down on the penny
rsmarking - As was saying, you can nave
6srtv acres or-whoopi Thunder aud olazes-
oueh-dash it-gosh to WL4oP .. ne sAi,SpIo as;pI
around In Wild amazement, the hot penny stick
mo 10 him like brother, and It was two ol
tbPee minutes before any one found out whether
he bad dropped on tack or been bitten oy
dar There was a heavy aroma OF burning eloti
AMI bIistered meat, and Mr.: johnson sIretcne'
IL - .-n and exclaimed that he should deyot
tbs remainder Of life 70 hu7ting down the hen'
vrbo thus planned to waylay him.-DefT0H IRE
Press
Tn. thrilling story Of Ananias and SaPPhir1
has been told IN vain, says the " L0nS hepito
Ecrn It Is probably n little too ancient ana Ia
awav 70 suit the tastes Of modern cniidren-Or q .
least il does not seem to touch their hearts. w
I--. i1sfances every day, that the modern bo
bos NOT that high regard for truth which whoi
,,-,rId G,u Of good books and pious warning
ought 10 promote gentieman-no matte
where. boy nature is the same all over the "IrI I !
had n uelch Orc0arus anu nlS
d,sn knew il. They often went for his peaches
One day he saw boy up tree busy piekin
,eaebesy and the benevolent gentleman did Dc
shoot at him, but conceived design of teacnln
tbs Young urehin q sharp lesson He siyly put
rerv nat1raI-loOking stuffed canine under 81
tree and eouceaIing himself watched Tor res9i, |,
A soon as appetite was satisfied and pockets iui
the bow made preparations to descend ana DISCO
ered the dog giaring at him with staring eyeoali
ot the foot Of the tree. There was no bark al
no rerceptibIe wag Of the tail, but the brute WI
too sure of his game to waste his breath VII
tyfass- The boy paused He tried whistIlr
and other eoaxing expedients, and then : mss e,
- get out - and sterner methods all IN VAIN; -
staring animal was proof against blanaiShmsn
or threats, and he seemed TO grow olgger al
bigger as dark came on. The boy settled nimse
os Well as be could for the night, but dld
snend IL in repentance. In the morning the klr
Gentleman came out TO witness the benehelaI
fsets Of the lesson. Neither the boy nor the q,
had changed places. The nan asked the htI
fellow how he happened to be up the tree.
n-omntIy answered that he had been chased
tbe doc and had climbed the tree to get out
bis Wa2. The astonished man just picked
tine doG and carried it into the house, and lett
bow 70 lie his way through the world. He'll
through it.