davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

A motherly old lady travelling alone,
was eating dinner at one of the hotels,
yesterday, when she called out to the
waiter:
Say, have you any cow-cumbers cut
up in vinegar"
"No, ma'am we haven't" answered
the waiter.
"Wall, les just about as WE'LL" re-
marked the old lady: "I s'pose they'd
give me the collie if ! ate any."-[De-
troit Free Press.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Mark Twair, in letter to the inven-
tor of a mosquito net, talks in this way
about, the only thing worth talking
about, now that the third term ia
gone: "There is nothing that a just
and right feeling man rejoices in more
than to see mosquito imposed on and
put down and browbeaten and aggravat-
ed, and this ingenious contrivance will
do it. And it is rare thing TO worry q
fly with, too. A fly will stand off and
curse this invention till language utter
ly fails him. / have seen them do it
hundreds of times. like to dine in the
air on the back porch in Summer, and
so won2d not be without this portable
net for anything. When you get it
hoisted the flies have to wait for the sec
ond table. We shall see the Summer
day come when we shall sit under our
nets in church and slumber peacefully,
while the discounted flies club together
and take it out of the minister. There
are heaps of ways of getting priceless
enjoyment out of these charming things,
if had time to point them out and di-
late on them little"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25
The Largest Cave in the World.

1t j. said that the cave of Cacahuamil-
pa is the largest cave in the world.
Several persons who have visited the
Mammoth Cave of Kentucky and that
of Cacahuamilpa in Mexico, pronounce
that latter the larger. A volcanic
mountain with an extinct crater covers
this cave. 1t Is not described in guide
books or books of t.Avel. 1t has, in fact
never been adequately described. Mr..
Porter c. Bliss has twice examined and
explored it, the last time in February of
the present year. Six hundred persons,
constituted the last exploring party.
They were provided with bengal
lights and scientific appliances. After
reaching the level, perhaps fifty feet
depth, they proceeded three and three
quarters miles into the interior. The
roof was so high-a succession of halls
that rockets often exploded before
striking it. Labyrinthine passages leave
the main hall in every direction. Stalag-
mites and stalactites are abundant. Be
low this cave, at great depth, are two
other immense caves, from each of which
issues branch of great river, uniting
here. These two rivers enter five miles
distant at the other side of the mountain
flow parallel, and issue at last together.
Vast quantities of bats are the most
numerous inhabitants of these caverns.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

A woman may be of great assistance
to her husband in business, by wearing
a cheerful countenance. A mans per-
plexities and gloominess are increased
hundred fold when his better r-half moves
about with a continual scowl upon her
brow.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25
Insh Rillinra piues the folio

Josh Billings gives the following ad-
vice: "When you hear a man say Life
is but dream tread on his toes and
wake him up. Life is real. life is earn
est II he is poet, subscribe to get
rid of him, and have him deposited in
the far West with gun and ammuni-
ton, and blanket for sole covering; he
will know very soon whether life is
dream or not"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

It must be admitted that General An
drews, of South Carolina, talked very
handsomely at Boston during her Bun
ker Hill festivities. He was greeted by
the :'Yanks" with wild enthusiasm, and
said:
Fellow Citizens of Massachusetts,
South Carolina receives with the deep.
est emotion the greetings of Massachu-
setts great applause and three cheers
an emotion whose tenderness, whose in
tensity, whose amplitude can only be
measured as when twin sister meets twin
sister, and the fiery tribulations the es-
tranging vicissitudes of the past, are pnt
aside, [applause] all lost sight of, all
forgotten, in the happy auguries of an
unclouded and an undivided futurel
Loud cheers.l How oppertune is the
happening of these centennials! Verify
there is Providence that shapes our
ends. Long, and rugged, and dark may
lie the road, but in the fullness of His
own good time He causeth light to
shine, and in ways unthought by hu-
man ken, brings about results that fill
us with admiring wonder and surprise.
Who can fail to be impressed, that just
at this especial juncture we should be
catching sight of, and coming mp to,
these hundred mile stones in the jour
ney of our common country-atth the very
moment in our history when their sight
and presence seem so seasonable, so for
tunate, so auspieious."
Again:
"And, oh, see, from their sculptured
urns, with what pleased yet anxious
serenity look down upon us Warren and
Prescott, and Quincy and Hancock, and
Otis and Adams, and, interlocking their
arms-Gadsden and Moultrie, and Mar
ion and Rutledge and Sumter. And
there comes William Washington! How
his face glows with it's old fire, as he
catches sight of, and points Howard
and Morgan to his cherished orihamme,
(Which at Eutaw shone so bright,
And as u dazzling meteor swept
Through the Cowpens' deadly fight"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

If you get fish bone in your throat,
and sticking fast there, swallow an egg
raw: il will be almost sure TO carry down
bone easily and certainly. When, as
sometimes by accident, corrosive subli-
mate is swallowed, the white of one or
two eggs will neutralize the poison, and
change the effect to that Of a dose Of cal
omel.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

A subscriber 70 southwestern news
paper died recently, leaving four years
subscription unpaid. The editor ap-
peared at the grave and deposited in
the coffin palm leaf fan, a linen coat
and thermometer.-[ Exchange.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Youthful enthusiast who has bad al
the talk 90 himselD-"And now that /
have established my position ON an un-
assailable basis, and thoroughly reiuted
by anticipation any possible argument
you might have brought 10 bear on your
side Of the question, ] viii say goodbye,
for have 20 catch n train"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

A Boston letter to an Eastern news
paper relates that upon one of the fash
ionable South End squares of that city
there has lived in four story brick
house, until very lately, woman who
has hired for her servant her own sister.
The latter was treated in all respects as
a menial, and though the woman and
her husband, having no children, dined
alone when there was no company in
the house, they never permitted the sis
ter to sit with them. Not only this,
but the sister-servant was kept at work
from early till late, and there was no
such thing as leisure for her, or a parLi-
Gle of consideration due from one so
nearly related to her. Finally, the wo-
man moved out of town, and the sister
determined to find an easier place. Ac-
cordingly she engaged to go to a sum-
mer resort as a pastry-cook in a fash
ionable boarding house. Now, it has
transpired that her sister and former
mistress has engaged board for the warm
season not only at this very resort, but
also at the very house where her sister
is to furnish the daily pies and puddings.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

When woman IL care-laden and
heavy-hearted nothing shakes the me-
grims out Of her quicker than for a
couple Of ladies 90 stop In front Of the
house long enough for her to examine
the trimmings on their bonnets.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Old Lady (who sleeps badly; Nov
Mary, if should wnnt 20 light my can
die, are the matches therefR- Mary;
ayes. ma'anl, there's wan Old Lady;
"onei WHY. In Il misses Gre, or won't
light''--Mary; "Oh, divil , fear Of Il,
ma'am. sure thried il"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Your feet are very stylish, said man
TO his friend, whose feet were covered
with bunions. mo, not stylish, but ex-
ceedingly nobbv," was the good natured
replv.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Said an Irish Justice TO an obstreper-
ous prisoner on trial: "We want moth
ing but silence, and but a little of that" I"
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

Kansas teaoher-"where does all Of
grain product no TOP" Boyle goea in
70 the hopper" "Hopperi What hop
peru "Graashoppcri" triumphantly
shouted the lad.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25

One of the lions of the day in Boston
during her Bunker Hill festivities, was
General Fitz Hugh Lee. of Virginia,
son of Robert Edmund Lee. Young
Lees speech was well turned. His op-
ening .entences were the following:
al thank you for this most cordial
welcome you have extended to my COM
rades and myself. ] came here with the
Norfolk Light Artillery Blues, Con-
federate organization, whose guns have
roared upon many a hard fought field.
AS we arrived before your city, this af
ternoon, and were. steaming up your
beautiful harbor, the first notes that
reached me from band OF music sent
to me, were of that good old tune called
'Auld Lang Syne,' and l felt was not
going to Boston, but that l was returning
again to a common country and a COM
mon heritage.
A Highlander was one day examining
a picture by one of the old masters, in
which angels were represented blowing
trumpets. He inquired if the angels
really ever played on trumpets, and be-
ing answered in the affirmative, made
the following remark: "Hech, sirs, but
they maun be easy pleased wi musicl |
wonder they didna borrow pair O. bag
pipes. II "Bric-a-Brac;" Scribner for
July.
At a camp, meeting last summer, a
venerable sister began the hymn
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25
"My soul be on thy guard:
Ten thousand foes arise. T"

She began in shrill quavers, but IL
was pitched too high: Ten thousand
Ten thousand" she screeched, and stop
ped. "Start her at 5O00l" cried con-
verted stock broker present.-]"Bric
Brac;" Scribner for July.
The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-06-25
The Log Cabin and Hard Cider Of
1910.

Those only who were "alive and kick
ing" during the polieal campaign OF
1910, in which
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

me, chow much a manly, athletic, ply
sique can stand"
"Yes,yes," I murmured, and as she
babe us good night and glided away,
Phil and I looked at each other with
an emotion that was impossible to ana,
1yze.
We remained in sombre silence. watch
ing the jagged snow~covered peaks
OF distant hills. At last our bands
sought each other; SILVER of recollec.
ton passed over the weak form of Phil
his head sunk upon my shoulder.
'Let's go home, Hail." he whispered,
''let's get back to America"
We left Saxony next day, travelling
by easy stages to the sea. And it is
somewhat remarkable that, though
Pills and my experience with woman
was limited and unsatisfactory, we ne
yer sought to extend our knowledge or
ameliorate the paucity of it.
We never married, nor saw Diana
from that day to this.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08
ACUTE LITTLE GIRL.

A New Hampshire newspaper tell,
about little s1x-year old girl in .
country town in that State who wen
into store where her father wa.
Longing, the other day, and slyly an.
preaching him, said: '.Papa, won't vor
buy me new Dress"
"What, buy you new dress, susv q
eyes, papa, won't your"
"Well, I'll see. I'll speak to youl
mother about It."
Elongation to an alarming extent
rapidly spread over the little face. but
a thought suddenly struck her, and
with smile she looked UP into her
fathers face and said:
swell, papa, if you do speak to
mama about it, touch her easy, or she
may want the new dress herself!"
The father at once saw the point
and the new dress was purchased with.
out consultation.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

KEEPING SHEEP. The economy of
keeping few sheep on every farm der
voted to mixed husbandry, is appar-
ent to any one giving the subject a
careful consideration. As scavengers
they will, on many farms, pay hand
some interest on their first cost. not
taking into account their yield of fleece
and lambs. Much of the straw and
stalks about the barn yard the growth
in fence corners and other out. of the
way places, will be kept clean and
slightly by few sheep, with very
little trouble and no expense to their
owners. As regards vegetation, the
sheep may be said to be omniverous--
the goat is its only peer-aud very
few weeds and grasses can long with
stand its short and persistent clipping.
In cleaning out and subduing timber
pastures they are invaluable.
If turned in when the young shoots
are still young and succulent, nothing
within their reach will escape them.
They can be turned into the stubble.
field after harvest, and mot only thus
save every stray head of grain, but
leave the field clear of weeds and in
the best possible condition for the
pillow. With equally good results thew
can be herded through a field of stand.
ing corn after the growth of grass and
weeds is we'll under way. This is es-
pecially advantageous where the yerv
common course is pursued of SOWING
wheat in the standing corn. True, now
and then broken or bent stalk falls q
prey; but the advantage of air and sun
light to the too long shaded ground.
will be found to compen ;ate,. many
fold, for these slight losses. In short
sheep cannot be omitted from the
farm economy without a loss to the
farmer who thus overlooks their mer-
its.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

A fixed, infexible will is a great
assistance to holy life. Satan will
suggest thousand reasons why we
should yield a little to the termination
by which we are surrounded; but let us
ever stand fast in our purpose. A good
degree OF decision aud tenacity of pur-
pose Is OF great Importance in the
ordinary affairs of life. How much
more so in the things Of religion! He
who is easily shaken will find the wav
OF holiness difficult -perhaps i'm
practicable.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

When a citizen of Great Britain ar.
rived in Wilkesbarre the other day
and found that his wife, who had come
to this country twelve years before,
was married to another man, he drove
his successor from the house and gave
his FIRST love and her daughter ter
rife beating. 1t is constant recurrence
of such little incidents as these that are
gradually undermining the public faith
in that Enoch Arden story.-LouisviUe
Courier Journal
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

A young lady of Danbury whose
company is much priced by an enter
prising merchant, took charge of a
class Of little girls the other Sunday.
After the lesson she told the children
that if they wished to ask her any
questions she would answer them
"Will you answer true :" asked a
bright-eyed cherub. Certainly" said
the little one, hesitatingly, "do-do
you love Mr.. B-?" The teacher
collapsed.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

Death to good man is but passing
through dark entry, out of one little
dusty room of his Fathers house into
another which is fair and large, tight
some and glorious, aud divinely
entertaining. O may the rays and
splendors of my heavenly apartments
shoot far downward, and gid the dark
entry with such a cheerful CLEAN as to
Danish every fear when l shall be
called to pass through
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

On the North London railway
short time since, passenger remarked
in the hearing of one the company's
servants how easy it was to edo" the
company, anti said he often travelled
from Broad street to Dalston Junction
without ticket -"Any one can do it
/ did it Yesterday" When he alighted
he was followed by an official, who
asked him how it was done. For a
consideration he agreed to tell him.
This being given, Snow" said the
inquirer, show did you go from Broad
street to Dalston Junction, yesterday,
without a ticket g. "Oh," was the
reply, 81 walked"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

One ofthe girls at Vassar keeps up
her studies, keeps track of eight love
stories in weekly papers, writes twice
week to five young men, sews for
charitable society and finds time to
ride and skate and practice for a con.
cert.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

An Indianapolis paper says of an
Indiana Senator: ellis chagrined look
when he clutches that pointed beared
TO milk his brain and they won't give
down, has a most depressing look to
all bacholders.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

Phenia Epps of Hamilton, Ohio,
asked her mother to take a note for
her to a friend of the family living in
near street. The note when opened
was found to read: .'This is a little
ruse of mine to get mother out of the
house. Before she can get back l will
be on the cars with dear Lorenzo, and
before hight will be married."
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

Will the boy who threw that pepper
OH the stove please come up here and
get present of nice book, said a
Sunday-school superintendent in Iowa;
but the boy never moved. He was
far-seeing boy.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

The man who would not die in the
spring-time has. been discovered. He
is department clerk, and for that
reason prefers deferring the operation
until he has had his annual vacation.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

A New Orleans paper says the dol~
lar stores in that city are places where
you may buy twenty-five cent article
you don't want for four times its
Yalua
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

els there any man in this town
named Afternoon p inquired a Missis>
slppl postmaster, as he held up letter
directed ssP. M"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

At printers festival lately, the fol
lowing toast was offered: "W oman
second only to the press in the dissent
nation of news"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

She never billed 'taters with skins,
on, was the eulogy pronounced on a
Wisconsin woman. What more need
be said.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

A man may forget his business, his
family and all the sacred obligations of
life, but he always remembers where he
got that counterfeit bill
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

We are not much given to originals
ty, and therefore when we say some
thing smart we like to have it known
as emanating from our fertile brain. II
is for this reason that we solemnly
make the announcement that the
phrase swinter fingers in the lap Of
spring" was originated by us. We
make this announcement because we
expect to see the pithy little sentence
widely copied.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

The most unpopular person in Viz
ginia is the man who demonstrated
that kerosene oil will cure snake bite
just as well as whisky.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

Detroit has a poet worth $1,000;
but it is superhuous to say that he isn't
a good poet.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

odes to the '.gentle spring" will be
received at this office for the next ten
days-but not published.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

The latest name for the exchange
6end is "paper.bug,' and its very
good one.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

1t is singular that the man who Dor.
rows newspaper is always the one t.
find the most fault with its contents.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

Flow deep, and cultivate thorough,
to insure good crop.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

No comment can render this paragraph
from an Iowa paper, more thrill
ing: ga couple in Pottawatomie coun-
ty were married a few days ago, but
when night came the happy groom
absolutely refuse to retire, and actually
sat up the entire night"
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08
SHENANDOAH HERALD
ADVERTISING RATES

Advertisements will be inserted at One Dollar es.
quare often ineso less for the first insertion ana
so cents for each subsequent insertion
Unless the number Of insertions be marked 1rpo
the manuscript, it will be published until forbid
and charged accordingly.
Notices in the local column will be inserted at
doublethe advertislLs rates.
Advertisements for three months or longer viii
ebre insted at lower rates.
Shenandoah herald. [volume] (Woodstock, Va.) 1865-1974, 1875-04-08

LOB PRINTING ofnll kinds ut the low
II estprices, neatlvrxrclliedat tins Office
The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1875-01-06
FTRCHGOTT, BEE AED1CT & co
= Gil IRLE3 TON, 3. G.

OHer to tn. phbl,c nj l,tor- in gonorn
an i'm mupso and well. selected stock .
Dry q 'ols, Carpets, Oil Cl6,I-, MIttings
st the "' pyssSs ,yp ,r,io's i"es
from Gao ioa., Lsn5 tHf hs. .frsm G,o
loo . Brown tIo'nospIns, citfk heavy.
from ~ to 100. Js.n., from l2!c. up.
warls. C..sin res. frnm 4h. upwards,
'Flanne!s, from 30 to 4)c. Ladies', Misses
md Gents Y ,se, 7p,. .$l.l5, $500 per
'loz.. anil npwhrls., IS S,tpsn lnrs, 81. 40 rcr
do3, .spd u,waris:z L.Iies' aud Gent,
-PJekc ct handkerchief, from 600. per l,z
Zoo, and upwards, Dress Coo Is: rronh SSe
upwards. Ladies ord Gen,s, Furnishing
Goods. s..lTcusekccping @ ,ods, Fancy G ,ods
Ribbons. Nqtioos, &c. fro.n Is to .b per
cent. cheaper than clseswhsrs. Samples
sent and ordsrs| nfo'h pity '6i,ed. AN
reiail orders fro:a $40 90 upwards. ae nj
per Express troe Of Charge: \ liberal
discount TO Wholesale dealers.