The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-03-27
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

The New Haven Register relates that an actor
at one of the theatres was called out three times
in one evening, not long ago--twcc by Tie
sheriff and once by tailor.
Boston vaunts its intellectual superiority in
that conductor OF one of its horsccars is n
graduate OF a irst.class college, but he is no
moro accurate in counting the whalebones in n
lady's corset when lifting her into the car with
his knuckles than some conductors on the same
line who spell Jerusalem with little e.
When Cincinnati young man says to his
souls idol Don't kiss me any more, now Sal !;
Pm tired she knows he has just been shaved by
one Of those pretty female BARRIERS.
The sea-faring men Of Newfoundland call pas
tors the shippers of churches.
Fishkill man received telegram from a
Chicago hotel keeper, a few days ago, notifying
him of the death Of his wife at the hotel The
Fishkil man promptly replied: Send the body
Let 1t come through in STYLE I'll make it right
with YOU The remains came in respectable
order-and c. o. d. The hotel keeper was man
Of the world.-Dmbuyy Ne'cs
A Watcrtown widower, who recently buried
his second wife, finds all his lady friends oppos-
ed TO a third term.--R0He Sentinel.
gentleman wanted TO send four pounds Of
Guilford clans to Omaha, through the post Office
reccntly.-Norcich Bulletin.
The weather Is thawlng ont the water pipes,
and the milkmen to make their rounds regular
ly, once orc.--.Haicaukte Sent,
Amos Clark, of Tennessee, upon his dcatl,bcd
expressed wish that twelve hddlcTs should
stand around his grave and play old Dog Tray
The Widow Clark saw it done.
4 business crisis Is reported in Little Falls
4 man recently passed counterfeit $40 bill
there, got nearly all the money in town in change
and departed for parts unknown.--Ro'ae Sent.
What changes few years bring about, don't
thcyg Yesterday the citizens Of Arbor Hill were
aware of 4 woman madly tearing along, potato
mashcr in hand, giving chase to her husband,
who was flying from her presence like deer
Eight years ago the same female took medal at
an eastern seminary for graduating essay on
'Rcposc Of Character
How doth the little busy pig improve each
shining hour, and gather sausages all day from
every opening flower. Aud when the shades of
twilight fall he slumbcrs in his styc or sings
ais pretty evening hymn, Root little pig, or die =
When a Peoria man Is blessed with new babv.
Well, who couldn't do that, IL he lived in a
small country village, like PEORIA
western editor noticing the present OF a sill
Yer cup to a brother editor, says: 'IIc needs no
cup; he can drink from any vessel that contains
liquor, whether the neck of bottle, the mouth
Of pickle lar, the Spite Of kcg or the buug
OF barrel
Emily Soldeuc has been playing at Buffalo,
and the Erprts says: Congress has passed n
bill for the Improvement Of the mouth of the
Mississippi Now, why doesn't Miss Emily Sid
ne apply TO Congress for relief in this respect
also?
Several passengers on the lower Mississippi
were attracted by the alligators baskng in the
sunshine Are they amphbous, captain =
asked lookcr-on. Amphibous, thunderr an.
swered the enthusiastic officer they'll eat hog
4 minute
Milwaukee girls, when they invite a ycung
man TO call around, don't say, We've got a lamp
that turns down low but merely say, we burn
Milwaukee gas.
One Of our exchanges came to hand last week
accompanied by postal card, explaining that II
was one day late, owing TO the editor having
mislaid the shears.
conntryman who came 10 the city yesterday
morning, visited the No. engine honse, and sci
bis watch by the steam glage Of The engine
which measured twenty pounds OF steam.-Ciz
oinndti Saturday Night.
when Adam was detected in the act Of throw
ing away the core Of that celebrated Michigan
Gilli1ower,' says the Denver Tribune.
Winter fingers longer in the lap offspring thar
Susan B. Anthony did 10 the lap Of Theodor'
Tilton.
Married recently, Mr.. S. Wells to Miss N. Han
Ituight here be said that 'sii's well that end