The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-09-25

A woman with very little hair is wise in get
ting married just MS soon possible; then in
stead of wearing those frightfu loads Of jute an,
horschair, she can secure handful Of the natu
raj article whenever occasion requires.
\ penny lost among crowd Of boys is tn,
most rapid leveler of social distinctions, and al
personal likes and dislikcs are forgotten in TIT
unanimous search for the lost article, varied oc
casionally by the cry Of Findings keepings."
An editor wrote: Owing TO Il press of Other
business. our editorial columns look rather blank
this week" His face looked rather blank when
the sentence ran through the whole edition
thus: owing to press Of other botches our
editorial columns lock rather drunk this week"
Weston is the man who has two soles and but
single thought.-Detroit Netcs.
If people believe money is scarce, just let
them stand around for awhile and hear pair Of
prize fighters discussing their relative abilities.
y. T. DLVdtch
1t is hard to tell which will bring the most
pleasant expression into a woman's tace-to tell
her that her baby is heavy or her bread light
Free PTess.
",Tom, what's this here American team they're
MAXIM so lIluCu luss ONtT: edu Ollt IlttIt wy
to another, during the reception OF the team in
New York. "Darned If know responded his
companion. Some says they were ut Dolly
mount, but I'm hlest i'll know where that race
trapk is.7
Mar j said husband to his wifeI Why III
the name OF goodness don't you sew up tlilS ecs'
sleeve? This is the fifth time I've spoken to you
about IT," "Why James" the wife answered,
"it's only little rip ia the seam" "Well, that's
the reason want it sewed, for It will soon seem
more II you don't make it seem less
us this the postoliice ~ said pompous.look.
Ing chap, as he approached the window. Yes,
sir" the obi cling clerk answered And are you
the person appointed to transact the business OF
selling postage stamps etc :" the stranger asked.
"Yes," said the clerk, snappishly. Then" said
the stranger, heaying sigh OF satisfaction, and
laying down q twenty dollar bill, IL wait ore
postal card"
An unprincipled bachelor says troubles neter
comes single
Economy is beginning to prevail again. Alta
funeral, in St. Louis, nine men appeared with
unbacked boot heels.
Contentment is said to be better than riches,
but the latter is good enough for yc writer
Whitehall Times
allow much is a metre ," asks a Cleveland pa.
per Wait till the gas man comes S-ound-hell
give YOU liberal figures.
An Ohio boy swallowed four or i've of tbs
wheels Of an eight day clock, and he has kept
tie whole family running" ever since the
event.
twas not exactlya bank failure in San Fran.
cisco the other day. 1t was the collapse OF IN
inflated gambling .house-Ctn. Com.
When they catch a man gathering Delaware
peaches at midnight they preserve whatever
good traits he has in him by shooting half pint
of salt into his legs.
Paper vest fronts are out. And that's only
fair il the women have paper bustles back, why
shouldn't man have paper vest front:-Nor-
ristotch Herdh.
An Albanian who lost a hat on james Blu.
chanan's election, paid the wager last week. The
returns must have come in very slowly in Ala
bama.-Eh.
II is noticeable fact that of all the persons
saved by Ida Lewis not one is Il woman. We
fact dorchester Democrat.
An exchange says Springfield has poctcss
named Ilatchett, and she writes whenever she's
aXed to- We suppose the constructor OF that pun
thinks it is sharp.-EL.
where The wicked boys go who play base ball on
Sundayy' "Yesm; they go down by the Fair
Grounds - Ticksburg Herald.
Somebody says that single swallow will de.
YOUR 5000 flies II day." but we don't believe IT..
An elephant coud;hardly absorb that many at o
single swallow.--Norristoton Herald.
In certain French comedy young man
about to be married Is found under somewhat
He assures his prospective fsther.n-law that he
intends the instrument for his bride. " But you
know very WELL" objects the father-inlaw, that
she doesn't play" "Of course l do" responds
the ready .witted bridegroom, otherwise !
shouldn't be such fool as 10 give her piano.
The discovery Of a Chicago woman Is how TO
eat peach at the table gracefully. Cut the
peach open in the middle and remove the pit
Hold one Of the halves in the left hand, and use
a spoon to scoop out the pulp and carry 1t to
the mouth. Thus the fingers are not soiled, and
the bother Of peeling Is avoided. No patent up
on this device has been obtained.
Ida Lewis, the American Grace Darling, is te
receive the special recognition Of Congress at il
acxt session, for her heroic deeds in saving hu
man life. Only the other day She rescued an
other man from drowning.
It appears that coming copper is not proita
bic. The mint has not made hslfcent sine,
| 1857
A Meridcn man went on big spree, the othei
night, because his wife wouldn't leave her Gro
quet game to get supper ready, whercupon sh,
sold all the furniture (Which was her property
and left declaring her intention of getting a di
yorcc
No woman with American Blood coursinc
through her veins will ever give up her wash
woman on her day to oblige neighbor.
man in Ph,enix was badly injured last Satur
dap 10y spider-it WAS an iron on. and his vii,
had hold Of the handlc-Fulton Times.