The tribune. [volume] (Beaufort, S.C.) 1874-1876, 1875-03-03
Items OF Interest.


tooth filed.
Jokes are like nuts; the drier they are
the better they crack.
When man bows to circumstances he
is forced to be polite.
If you want to make drum stick set
it on the head of n tar barrel
Which would you rather do for
steady business, go to Wheeling Virginia,
or go to Corning Iowal
Mrs. Fitzgerald, of San Antonio, Texas,
has set an example to her sex by taking
contract to grade nineteen miles Of rail
road.
The king of Dahomey has necklace
composed of two hundred and fifty human
ears, and that ear necklace is his great
pride.
The newspaper publishers of Boston
will contribute from 100000 to $4,000
to the Post-otfice department under the
new law.
The president of the Kansas Agricu-
tural College complains that not one
graduate of that institution has become
farmer since 1867.
A,sippery question just now is whet er
tits better to be n fat man and come down
heavy, or to be at hin man and have moth
ing to break the fall.
A thickness of newspapers between tho
bedquilts will help wonderfully to keep
yon warm these cold nights. "Now is
the time to subscribe"
A son asked his father: "Why is Mr..
Smiths liquor storeikea n counterfeit dol
lar!' 81 can't tell, my son." because
you can't pass it, " said the boy.
Oh! for those good old days, sighs an
Indiana editor, when this Office received
enough patent-office reports to keep
every stove red-hot from November to
March.
A young lady in Kenoshn, Wis, made
a trip to Niagara Falls and back, and for
six months afterwards she refused to
speak to any of her old chums who
hadn't travelled.
Some people, who are willing to admit
the Tyre of Apollo, assure us that there
never made the acquaintance of Wash
ington special correspondent.
A silly fellow whose ears were unusu-
ally large once simperingly asked n witty
lady: "Will not make fine angelo"
"Well, no." she replied, pointing to his
ears, " think your wings are to high"
There was very disgusted thief tho
other day at fashionable wedding. He
stole an ostentatiously displayed check
for thousand dollars from the gifts, only
to find that the old mans balance i'll the
bank was four dollars and dfifty cents He
now thinks there is no chance for honest
industry.
A young bride who had been fashion
ably educated was asked by herfond hus-
band to attend to the ordering of the
dinner, as he shouldn't have time to go to
| the market. 1t is q fact that she blandly
requested the butcher to send home
"lcg of tongue, seventeen pounds of
steak and two halibut."
The man who buys more books than
any other person in Louisville works for
a moderate salary in one of the news
paper offices. The books he buys are
always good, and he gives them away
as fast as he buys them, only stipulating
that the person who receives n book
shall read it.
At Schoharie, n. Y, not long since, a
mouse crept into n beehive to steal
honey, but was caught in the act and
stung to death by the irate bees. Soon
the mouse began to disseminate a bad
smell, which bees cannot tolerate; being
unable to remove it, they went to work
and sealed him up Theoretically in wax,
so that not the slightest odor escaped.
Very stern parent indeed" Come
hear, sir What is this complaint the
achoolmaster has made against you! -
Much injured youth" It's just nothing
at all. You see, Jimmy Hughes bent
pin, and [ only just left it on the teachers
chair for him to look at and he came in
without his specs and sat right down on
the pin and now he blames me for it,
A Cincinnati family, whose two-year-
old child, much beloved little girl, died
over year ago, managed to preserve the
body of the child almost perfectly by an
embalming process, and have keptit i'll
their house ever since. Daily the pa
rents have viewed the form of their little
one, almost as fresh as when in life, and
the effect has been very deleterious upon
the mothers health, insomuch that the
burial fthe child is now rendered neces-
sary.
When the Duke of Newcastle was in
this country, citizen of Cincinnati, who
had managed to get introduced to the
duke, thus introduced his wife Mt Pixies
Opera House: "Duke, let me introduce
you to my wife, Mrs. Judge -, the
cousin of Mrs. Abraham Lincoln and the
daughter of Major-General --, of
Kentucky, who was brutally massacred
by the British and Indians while glori-
ously fighting for his country ut tho
battle of the River Raisen."
A country schoolmaster had two
pupils, to one Of whom he was partial,
and to the other severe. One morning
it happened that these two boys were
IL. 4 IL r