The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-05-07
The Man Who Swore Of.

|
or four "nips" per day for the last fifteen
years, but on New Years morning he arose
and said to his wife: ''Mary Jane Sinner,
here I've been squandering at least dollar
"But thought you said glass now and
then aided your Digestion" she replied.
"Nonsense-worstk kind of bosh! I've drank
up $500 in the last dozen years, and it
hasn't benefited me one cent. I'm going
to quit. I'm going to commence now. No
more drinks for Sinner after this!" ''Good
boy-noble husband" she said, patting
him on the chin; {, now you are beginning
to talk like a Roman-now you are going to
test your stamina" Sinner felt puffed up
with pride for an hour or two, and then he
began to feel goneness along down his
throat. He drank water cold coffee and
milk, and got through with the day ::
although he went to bed he dreamed that
he was flask of brandy and that member
of congress was carrying him IN his coat
tail pocket. At midnight he awoke with
his thumb in his mouth, just ON the point
Of taking drink, and at daylight he in
quired of his wife whether it was 1875 or
1876
| That afternoon while he sat in his office,
weak-looking stranger entered, took
paper from his pocket, and said he was
soliciting aid for the Kansas grasshopper
sufferers. Grasshoppers be hanged"
exclaimed Sinner. "The next fraud who
comes in here will get his neck broken
His chief clerk spoke to him about ordering
some goods, and he whirled around and
said that he wouldn't order another dollars
worth of goods in ten years. A young man
called to find place, and Sinner threw the
coal stove shaker and hit him on the ear
When he went to dinner he fiattered him.
self little that he had succeeded in curling
his inclination to drink, and his wife patted
him on the shoulder and whispered: " Sam
uel, you have got more stamina than the
Gear of Russia" Going down town again,
he entered saloon and asked the barkeep-
or if he honestly thought that a moderate
amount OF brandy would affect the health.
The saloon-keeper was sure it wouldn't.
When he reached his Office lie kicked a
chair over, hoisted the spittoon across tie
room, and sat down and dated letter 1877.
A lady called to have him subscribe for n
new Sunday school, and then he bristled
up and yelled: "No, sir; not red! Sunday
schools are killing the business interests of
the country" After about an hour, he
went out and asked doctor if three drinks
Of gin per day would hurt any one. The
doctor thought not, if they were light
drinks. Returning to the Office, Sinner
hunted up an old brandy bottle and sat
down and held it a long time and wondered
now SMsy we've Wade, AMI tMeM tNysw II w
coal box and went out on the street and
asked life insurance agent if two or three
drinks day would hurt q man. OF course
they wouldn't, replied the agent. Going
home to supper, Sinner asked three more
men, and they all replied "no." When he
reached home he said the biscuits weren't
fit for cannibals, gave the girl warning to
leave, and called his wife's brother, who
IS there on visit, q hump-backed, will
full liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors if a
little brandy was hurtful. Then he went
into saloon and called for some pop. He
was good while drinking it, and then he
asked to look at the label on brandy
| bottle. When he had read it he looked to
see if the cork was in very tight, and he
asked the saloon-keeper if he Thought
brandy would hurt any one. When Sinner
reached home that night he threw Ills
wallet at his wife, told the hired girl she
might say there five thousand years, begged
his wife's brothers pardon, and, as he
turned handspring in the rarlor, he
! broke out with:
$50 farewell, Mary Ann,
You must do the best you can
| Sinner was tight. NJ. QTAD.