Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-06-23
HUuOROUs.

| A young man from the interior who
had been visiting abroad came home re-
Gently, and at breakfast remarked, as he
reached his plate over: 'Father, a little
of the mixture in the brown dish, if you
please, and small piece of the prepared
meat" The old gentleman, who is a
plain, matter-Of-fact man, replied, rs he
loaded up the outstretched plate: sWe
like to have you come a visitin' us, John,
but just remember that while you're
eatin' here, if you want hash, say so !;
and if you want sassage, call for sassage,
and not go to spreadin' on any Brooklyn
misery at my table,"
The other day Dubuque man got
tired of his wife's poodle, and carried
the helpless animal to the Mississippi
river, and consigned it to a watery
grave. When he went home that night
he made up as he went along a great lot
of lies to account for the dogs absence,
but the first thing he stepped on when
he entered the hall was that dogs tail,
with the dog at the end of it, and he got
bit three times in halfa second. He has
grown morbid and superstitious, and
told his barber that he believed it
brought bad luck on house to drown a
dog.
Liszt, the pianist, found himself re-
Gently in the company of number of
ladies, who begged him in hyperbolical
terms to procure for them ''the ecstasies,
the artistic raptures, which his magnifi-
cent talent inevitably produces. He
Obligingly seated himself at the piano
and played. When he had finished,
of aI, Al To..
'Well," said Liszt, 81 played wrong
badly, indeed, that l should have been
turned out-of-doors at any elementary
school of music"
More Whitecdshiny.-One of the negro
whitewashers was sent by Joker to
city official to secure job, and when he
stood in the officials presence he humbly
said:
"Mister, dey told me dat you wanted
to git yer character whItewashed, and
Use cum to do de job"
As the colored man looked back up
stairs and felt of the place where some
thing struck him, he mused:
"Waal now, who'd a thought he'd
make sich a fuss as that over sich a
small jOb!''
"Hou long have you lived IN this
cOuntry?" asked a lawyer of a deaf
witness, who had been called to prove
the old boundaries of farm. ''IIey?"
said the witness, putting his hand behind
his ear. ''HOw long have you lived i'm
this country!" roared the lawyer. .'Oh,
yes, that's it; about two rods" said the
witness, leaning forward. "You may
step down." yelled the lawyer. swell,
ii might be little more" said the wit
ness, who was then led of by an officer
of the court.
The Albany Argus exercises itself after
this fashion with the eccentricities of
our English orthography: T-O-n-g-u-e
spells tongue" and the man that first
spelled it so should have been hongue.
Ache spells cache" and that's all
you can mache out of it. E-i-g-II-t
spells ''eight," no matter how you de-
precieight the idea: and that a-i-s-l-e
should spell "aisle" and f-e-i-g-n
''feign" is enough to make anybody
smaisle if the effort were not too peign- |
ful.
A lOcer of good coffee who had been
several times swindled, entered WASH
lngton street grocery yesterday, and
holding up a handful of ground coffee |
fiom the big can, he inquired:
"Are there any beans in this coffee?"
"No, sir" promptly replied the
grocer.
''IIow do you know ?" asked the man. |
because L was out of beans and had |
to put peas in!'' was the answer
IL Rains.-So does king. Also a |
queen. Presidents mostly don't reign. |
Brides are connected with reins, but |
reins are not always connected with |
bridals. Horses have reins-so do gov
ernments. The rains from the clouds |
and the reins of government are differ
ent. The rains from the clouds lay the |
dust-the reins of the government raise
the -gold-dust, or its equivalent.
"ShOn," said dutchman to one of our
townsman, ''yOu may say vot you blease
pOut pad neighbors. | haf had de worst
as nefler vas. Mine pigs und
mine hens com home nit der ears
shplit; und fodder day two Off dem
come home not at all, Mine GOtt! Mine
neighbOrs bees as bad as neffer vas.
After delivering himself thusly he
off down town.
Queer Advertisements. wants
"a young man, to look after a horse of
the Methodist persuasion" Obe sold
cheap, small ph9tOn, the property of
a gentleman with a movable head, as
good as new" "Ten shillings reward
Lost, by lady, a white terrier dog,
except the head, which is black
"Mdn," says Victor Hugo, "was the
of the eighteenth century;
is the conundrum of the nine
teenth." We can't guess her, but we'll
never give her up-nO, never.
In Vienna the street cars always stop
1t r-Pferdeisenbahn.
And We are not surprised that they do.
Even spelling-schoOl would have to
stop there.
Being asked what made him so dirty,
IN unwashed street Arabs reply was:
IL was made, as they tell me of dust,
md L suppose il works out"
"As soon as life was extinct cut him
Town." explained Kansas woman to
he cOrOner's jury who sat on her dead
husband.
"LyiRg," says Gail Hamilton, ''is the
power of society,"" Wherefore
that it isn't best for society to
obese.