Juniata sentinel and Republican. [volume] (Mifflintown, Juniata County, Pa.) 1873-1955, 1875-11-17

r. "
HrRK Is an old story Of q Yankee
captain and his mate: Whenever there
was plum pudding made, by the cap
tain's orders all of the plums were put
Into one end Of 1t, and that end placed
next to the captain, who, after helping
himself, passed IL to the mate, who
never found any plums in his part Of 1t.
Well, after this game had been placed
for some time, the mate prevailed on
the steward to place the end which had
no plums in Il next to the captain. The
CAPTAIN no sooner saw the pudding than
he discovered that he had the wrong end
Of 1t. Picking mp the dish, and turning
it in his hands IS If merely examining
the china. he said, "This dish cost me
two shillings in Liverpool, and put it
down again, as though without design,
with the plum end next to himself. us
it possible ?" said the mate, taking up
the dish, 81 shouldn't suppose 1t was
worth more than shilling" and, as II
in perfect innocence, he put down the
dish with the plum end next to himself.
The captain looked at the mate, the mate
looked at the captain. The captain
laughed, the mate laughed. 81 tell You
what, young one" said the captain,
s'you've found me out, so Wen just cut
the pudding lengthwise this time"
A PARLoR ScENE.-They were seated
I'm the parlor eonversing I'm the softest
accents, and little Louie was seated
statue-like in a chair near by listening,
and looking, as well as the chastened
light allowed her. Still they spoke only
on the ordinary topics of conversation,
the Exposition, and the weather partic-
ularly, avoiding that which was nearest
to their hearts, and which they ardently
desired to talk about. Ii was growing
late, and before he would take leave of
his inamorata he would, if possible,
breathe a few accents Of love in her
willing ear. But little Louie was as
immOvable as when she took her seat an
hour and half previously. He would
use some device TO cause her to absent
herself. He requested Louie In the gen.
tlest manner to bring certain piece OF
music from the adjoining parlor, know
ing that she would have to search for
some time before she found it, if at all I,
and TO strengthen his request, as he
thought, he added, ''and l will kiss you
sweetly." What was his astonishment
when the child answered, "You can
kiss Carrie" The denouement can b
imagined. - -.. ...
WARNING TO LOVERS A rather in
teresting story is told of a buxom young
woman, whose honesty of purpose is
fully equalled by her physical ability to
resent an imposition even though the
offender be her lover. The young man
in question bore rather doubtful char
aeter to the outside world and was never
suspected of being a teetotaler by the
young lady herself, although affirming
to her that he never drank. All was,
apparently, working to the entire salts
faction of Cupid himself, until one eve
ming her ''feller" asked his fair Dulcinea
to 'sturn down the light" "It's taller
candle, you darn fool! YOU'RE drunk !;
you can't deceive me any more;" and
she took him by the left ear and led
him TO the door. As he walked of he
was heard to exclaim several times, "Al
ice! Alice! how cruel you areH'-
Springfield Union.
A HANDY CONCIENCE. "My son
wouldn't steal peaches from Mr.. Gam
mons orchard, L hOpe?" 4
"NO. ma, 1 wasn't in that crowd the
other night"
''Ihat's right, my boy. Keep out of
bad company, and you II never do wrong.
Let your conscience be your guide in
| all things" and the fond mother patted
her son approvingly on the head, and
went about her duties with a. light heart.
| Left to himself the noble boy thus
sOlilOquized:
4 81 Il
old GammOn's.. My conscience can
guide me to lots of better orchards than
his, where there amt no dog, nuther.-
Missouri Brunswicker. fa -if
A GENTLEMAN, whose father had been
a wealthy and respectable shoemaker OF
the city of Dublin, and who had in
dulged many persons with credit, had
lately died. and left, with other property,
his account books to his son, who was a
person Of great vivacity and good
humor. An old debtor of the father, in
bandying with the son, annoyed him
with the piquancy of his raillery; the
son observed that he was paying of in
an odd coin. demanded payment of the
debt, and said il it was further delayed
he would sue him; the other asked In
what capacity would he sue, as sol.
executor" said Mr.. Curran.
A MAN who owns a bookstore face
tiously remarked that he couldn't leave
this summer because he kept stationery
This joke was thus repeated, and yet the
company didn't smile: Robinson cant
go out of town this summer. Why p
t"DOn't know" "Because he sells books
and paper"
A BOY i'm the suburbs tried to ascer-
tain, the other day, the soundness of the
proverb: "Birds of feather flock to-
gether." He plucked the old rooster
down to a single tail-feather, and il
didn't flock at all, but went and hid
under the barn. This is another old saw
smashed.
.'FoR WANT of water / am forced to
drink water; if l had water, 1 would
drink wine." This speech is a riddle,
and here is the, solution. 1t was the
complaint of an Italian vineyard man,
after long drought, and an extremely
hot summer that had parched up all his
grapes.
WHEN you see a woman with raw
hide hid in the back drapery of her
morning wrapper, and calling William
Henre-e-e in key about four octaves
above high C, you may know that a
whaling expedition is about to set sail.
| WENDELL PHILLIPS credits Horace
Greeley with having said to a lecture
committee who paid him in Western
bank bills, that if convenient he would
prefer to have well executed counter
felt ON some Eastern bank.