The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-06-17
WHOLE NO. 1865.
Miscellaneous.
see a garden walk.

No one nosel
Maine has new town skatchawatch-
iekatchie.
What is it that poor man has and a
rich man wants2 Nothing.
"oh, my dear wife, said John Henry,
as he paid the milliners BILL
Moving is not pleasant. breaks
old associations and the skin on
knuckles.
= The Maiden's Prayer-"papa, buy
a new spring suit.
To remove dandruf-go to Arizona
and interview the Apaches.
Sleight of hand performance-not Civ
ing show tickets to the printers.
What the girls say: "a thing of beau
ty is boy forever"
If you want to teach dog arithmetic,
tie up one of his paws, and he will put
down three and carry one every time.
man boasting of his pedigree to an
other said that his father was elevated
above the common herd of men. He
was hanged.-~
We think it no more than right that
men should seize time by the forelock,
for the rude old fellow, sooner or later,
pulls all their hair out.
Warm weather helps one to be good.
That is, you don't care whether your
neighbor has big woodpile or small
one.
The Saratoga chap who married girl
last summer, having fallen in love with
her beautiful complexion, says now that
it was Skin game.
A wag of a gourmand who had made
himself i'll by feasting on fish, said he
embodied the trio of the fiery furnace,
thus-shad-rack, me-sick and abed-we-
go.
Mrs. Keen, of Springfield, declined to
allow her daughters take part in a SPELL
ing match because she heard somebody
say that knotty words would be given
out.
"This is net gain" said a witty Wor-
cester girlwho found valuable silk hair
net hanging to the fringe of her shawl
upon her return home from an evening
lecture.
This world would be sandy desert of
lonesomeness if women were not privi-
legged to attend auction sales and pay
more for an old bureau than a new
chamber set would cost.
A little girl, hearing her teacher spo-
ken of as painstaking woman, remark
ed that the scholars were the "painstak-
INCEST" for they were generally whipped
all around every day.
Does the court understand you to say
that you saw the editor intoxicated?
such a-a-a- furry as to attempt to
cut out copy with the snuffers; that's all.
If colored theological student in
Mississippi concludes his course of
studies and writes his first sermon with
out being shot in the leg for fooling
around a hencoop, he is considered
promising man.
"Dear me, how fuidly he talks, said
Mrs. Partington, recently, at a temper
ance meeting. II am always rejoiced
when he mounts the nostrils, for his elo-
quence warns every cartridge in my
body"
A little girl and boy, three or four
years old, were playing on the ice when
Bub ran up and soothingly isped: Don't
cwyl Thwear! Thwearl Thay damn
An aristocratic New Yorker on being
requested by a rich and vulgar young
fellow for permission to marry zone of
his girls" gave this rather crushing re-
ply; Certainly; which would you pre-
fer. the housemaid or the cook?''
We'll, nelghbor Slummidge. how
much shall l put you down for to get
chandelier for the churchY'
Neighbor s., ''Shool what we want
to git chandyleer for2 The hain't no.
body kin play on ter it when ye git itl''
An old lady, hearing some one reading
about Congressman at large, rushed in
to the kitchen door shouting, Sarah
Jane! Sarah janet don't you leave the
clothes out all night. mind l tell you,
For there's Congressman at large"
whats your business2" asked the
udge of prisoner at the bar. "Well,
pose you might call me a locksmith."
When did you you last work at your
all for the police | made bolt for the
loor."
A little girl at school read thus: "The
7idow lived on a limbacy left her by a
elative." What did you call that
7ord?' asked the teacher the word is
egacy. not hmbacy." but" said the
title girl, my sister says 1 must not say
eg, but limb
"Well, doctor, it's no use, I'm going to
ie!" Nonsense" said the doctor, "you
re not going to die at ALL No man ever
led with feet as warm as yourslr "Ah,
es they did, doctor" Il should like to
now who, then?" said the doctor John
ogers did" said the patient.
A rustic youngster, being asked out to
Ike tea with friend, was admonished
, praise the eatables.. Presently the
utter was passed to him, when he re-
larked, Very nice butter-what there
of it, and observing a smile, he added
md plenty of it-such as it is
The following inscription was recently
und on an unclaimed bonnet box at a
ilway station:
This box contains my very best bonnet:
D porter, l pray you. put nothing upon
it
is made of aribbon, a rose, and a fea-
ther,
18th crimp lace and velvet to hold them
together"
7our doctors tackled Johnnie Smith,
hey blistered and they bled him;
ith squills and anti-bilious pills
nd ipecac, they fed him
ney stirred him up with calomel,
L =