Wilmington journal. [volume] (Wilmington, N.C.) 1844-1895, 1875-03-19
How the Obituary Poet Cheere
Afflicted Families.


sons who have been bereaved of their
elatives to give expression to their
feelings in a poetical form, reflected
that it might, perhaps, be good
thing to in reduce into his paper de-
So Mr.. Brimmer determined that he
would, as an experiment, at any rate,
ngage an obituary poet for short
time, with the purpose to give him
permanent employment, if the plan
seemed to take with the public. Ac-
cordingly, he seat for Mr.. Remington
OFT, a composer of verses. !
"You understand, Mr.. Off," ex-
planned Brimner, "that when the
death of an individual is announced,
[ want you, as it were, to cheer the
afflicted family with the resources OF
your noble art. I wish you to throw
yourself, you may say, into the sltua-
ton, and to give them a verse or two
about the corpse which viii! seem to
be tue expression of the emotion OF
the hearts of the living"
"To tighten the gloom, in a certain
sense ?" said Mr.. OFT.
"Precisely; tighten the gloom. Do
not mourn over the departed; but
rather take a joyous view Of death.
which, after all, Mr.. OFT. is, as it were
but the entrance to a better LIE
Therefore, l would advise you to
touch the heart strings of the afflicted
with astender hand, and ende ivor, for
instance, to divert their minds from
the tomb
"Refrain from dependency, 1 sup
pose, and lift their thoughts to -
"Just so; aud, at the same time,
combine elevatIpg sent ment with such
practical information as you can obtain
from the ad, ertisement. Throw a
glamour of 70 sy. for instance, owe;
the commonplace details of the every
day life Of the deceased"
I'm throw on stanzas." said Mr.. OFT,
Gin such manner that people will
want their friends to die for the sake
of the pos try
But above ALL" continued the edi-
tor, take a bright view Of the matter
always. Make the sunshine of smiles
break through the tempest of tears.
and if we don't make the Morning
Glory hum around among the mourn
ers of this town, my name is not
Brimmer."
H.. was right; it did hum. The next
day Remington OFT was put on duty,
and Brimmer went down to the sea
shore for a breath of fresh air. All
through tho day death notices came
pouring in. ID when one would reach
OFT he would seize it and study it up
to ascertain its particulars. Then he
would rush up stairs, lock himself i'll
his room. take down his rhyming die
H. J., br
hair and hack away halt an hour at a
piece of paper until he consldere d
that he had poetry in such shape
that would make a stricken family ieel
proud of the corpse. When his day s
work was done OFT went home with q
conviction that the Morning GLORY
had finally robbed death of it's terror,
and made life comparatively valueless
In the morning Mr.. OFT proceeded
calmly to she office for the purpose OF
embalming in sympathetic verses the
memories Of their departed ones. A;
he came near to the establishment, he
observed crowd of 5000 or 5000
people in front of it, struggling to gel
in at the door. Climbing tree THAI
overlooked the crowd, he could SEE
within the Office the clerks Sc ling pa
pers as fast as they could handle them
white the mob pushed, and jammed
and yelled, in frantic efforts to obtain
a copy-the presses in the cellar ciang
ing away like mad While upon tn.
curb Stone in front of him there was
line that sire ched down tie street fOl
four squares, each man engaged il
reading the paper with an earnestnes'
that Mr. OFT had never before sell
displayed by the patrons of that she t
The bard concluded that either his pc
etry had touched sympathetic chor(
in the popular heart, or that an appail
| ing disaster had occurred il some pOr
ton of the globe. He went around t,
| the back of the office and assembled Il
the editorial rooms. AS he approach
ed the sanctum, load voices wer,
heard within. Mr.. OFT determined t.
ascertain the cause before entering tie
| office. He obtained a chair and plac
| ing it by the side door, he mounttC
and peeped over the door through thu
transom There sat j. Alfred Brim
mer holding the Morning Glory il
| beth hands, while the fringe which
| grew i'll a semi-circle around thu edge
of his bald head stood straight out
gunswab. Two or three persona
stood in front of him in threatening
attitudes. One of them was saying
My name is McGlue. am broth
er of the late Alexander McGlue.
| picked up your paper this morning
| and perceived an outrageous insult to
my deceased relative, and have come
around to demand, sir, what you NEAR
| by the following infamous language
" The death angel smote Al. xaDder McGlue
And gave him protracted repnst
He wNe checked shut aud number min
Shoes
Ard he rad pink wart on his nose,
No doubt he is happier, dwelling IN space,
o.e! there on tie evergreen shore,
His II lends infor me that his funeral take
Precise y at quarter past four
"Ths is simply diabolical My
brother had no wart upon his nose. =
He had upon his nose neither a p!nE
wart, nor green wart, nor a cream
colored wart, nor wart of any othel
color. It is a Islander. 1t is a gratui
tous Insult to my family, and l dis
tinctly want yon to say hat you mean
by such conduct"
:" Really sir" said Brimmer, d" it is
mistake. MS IS the horrible WOrk
of an incendiary whom I trusted as q
brotEer.' He shall be punished by NJ
own hand for this outrage. A pink
wart! Awful, sir, awful ! The nus
erabe sconndrel shall suffer for this!
" How could / know" murnurrd
OFT, out there by himself, that the
| corpse had not pink wart ? | used
to know a man named Mcclure 5nd he
had one, and thought all the McGlue>
had one. This comes from irregular
tiles i'll families"
l." And who," said another man, eau
thorized you to print this hideous stuff
about my deceased son I? Do you mean
to say it was not with your authority
that.your low comedian inserted witt,
my advertisement the following scan
dalous burlesque? Listen to this
& While had purple monkey, climbing on a
yellow stick,
And when he sucke the PART all of, it m adj.
him deathly sick;
And in lis latest houIs, he ciasped that mon
key in his hard,
And bid goodbye to earth and went into q
better land.
" Oh. NO m"re he'll shoot his sister W tn hi