The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-03-16

1nc kdatetulneSS OF March.
Among all the things that hate there
is nothing that I loathe with the same
| intense disgust as the month of March.
| Every other month of the year has some
| redeeming feature to make it remembered
| with pleasure or looked forward to with
hope.
Poor, impatient, threatening, change
able, fierce. resentful, tickle, painting,
trying month of March.
Why, oh why, were you ever set apart
as the time for all nature to be in whirl
and all mankind ditto? Why is it that
in this month every body wants to sell
everything he has. and everybody else
wants to buy, beg, or steal, everything
he does not have! You miserable month
Of March, when everybody you meet
wants to teach your school, or sell you a
! horse, or buy COW, or some seed
row an umbrella, or hire a hand, or buy
pillow, or set hen, or break colt, or
borrow your newspaper before you are
done with it. Why is it that nature
| overloads this month with rain, and snow
and slush, and mud, and winds-yes,
winds lnterminable and unmanageble-
and hail, and coughs. and colds, and
| cramp, and sore throat and frozen eggs )?
Why is it that in this unholy month
man-good, patient man--lets his temper
get the better of him? He scolds, he
RACES, he struts, if things animate and
| inanimate do not move around to suit his
august will. But the March wind blows
down his fences next day, scattcrs his
corr. fodder, whistles past him and shrieks
in his face. blows his hat into the swill
barrel, and his good nature to the hogs.
And woman, gentle woman, in the
| month of March is about as gentle as a
| tigress. Let muddy boots beware, let
visitors dare to come on wash-day and
find the house unswept, the baby cross,
and the bread all gone, and no butter
milk, nor cream of tartar, nor yeast DOW
der in the house, likewise no butter
(who ever did have butter in the month
Of March, Then, lord of creation, if
you are perfectly sure Of the place you
occupy in your wife's affections, walk
into the house and ask her to sew on
your back suspender button. But if YOU
are not sure-if there is any doubt in
your mind about the reception you will
meet with-my advice to you is. march
around to the back porch door and 90
quietly in; hunt up darning needle and
sew on your own buttons.
| Then there are the children-bless
their dear lives for commonly thew are
gentle as lambs. But now the March
winds have blown all the milk of human
kindness out of them. They fight and
yell like young Modocs. Playthings that
were thrown away in January are fshed
out of the .puddles and fought over.
Then they are carried triumphantly into
the house and piled in the middle OF the
toor, and that, too, when mother is so
| hoarse with bronchitis that she cant
make them understand what she says
halt the time. So, when she says, "Chil-
dren, if you don't take those things right
out doors, will whip every one of you,"
they think she said, ''Children, open that
cupboard door and eat sugar till sun
down. and they obey with alacrity.
Oh, you deceitful month of March
We get up in the morning and look out.
What lovely morning What a COR
geous sunrise! The birds are singing,
and everything and everybody seems1 to
be happy. Vain seeming! We hang on
the wash kettle, put the clothes to soak,
get the baby to sleep, and listen. Look
the wind blows perfect tornado, dark
clouds roll up in the west, it rains, it
SHOWS, it halls, yes, hailstorm in March.
! We take off the kettle and set it away,
for, with our minds eye, we see vivid
picture of sheets and table-cloths swash-
Ing on the ground till the corners are
drab colored; and we must confess that
we have not the moral courage necessary
| to undertake washing on such day as
this.
Some people are wicked enough to un-
dertake to clean house in March. Delud.
ed souls! when the very depths of the
road cry out against it.
Clean house, indeed! when every man,
woman and child who crosses the thresh.
old brings a pound, more or less, of mud;
when COWS stand close to ''lean to-
fence, and bawl for the spear of grass
that is yet in the sod; when pigs turn
tail to the wind and squeal for pure hog
gishness, and horses run and gallop up
and down lanes and jump over fences,
and kick and snort! Oh, no! sweet sis.
ter, don't be guilty Of such blunder as
cleaning house in March. Keep things as
quiet as possible indoors, or, forsooth,
we will run wild. Perhaps in the ages to
come, when the fourth of July comes in
January, and March comes in Septem.
Der, then l may have something pleasant
to say for March. Till then subscribe
myself hater. HAIL CoLUMB1A.
A Clergyman Who Prays for His
Wifc's Death.
They have queer clerical scandal at
fon du Lac, Wis, but do not give the