The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1875-05-27
The Yorkshire Butcher.

Its queer thing, sir, hoo things turns
DOT sometimes. Moo it war queer thing
hoo CHANGED to wed. I war i Leeds
once, an I'd ma mair thowts about mar
ryin' ma mair AN nowt an war Just
goip' doom t. street, tina knaws, sir, when
met wi my wife-that's her 'at's my
wife moo, tina knaws. I'd kennel her
afore, o piece back; soa shoe comes oop to
me, an shoe ses, why, James, lad, is
that thee?' 'Ay,' ses, it is awever.'
WHY ses she, whats ia doin' wi thy
sen noo?" Why ses, rs joost getten
me new hoose' Soa wi that she ses,
Then lay, James, if tha's gettin' new
hoose, tha'll be wantin' hoosekeeper.'
Soa scs to her. ses I, 'Tha ma COON an
be t. wife if ia likes; tina mawnt be t.
hoosekeeper, tina knaws, but tina ma COON
an be t. wife, And soa shoe ses, amt
partikler: don't mind if do So we
never had ma mair to do aboat t. job -
asked him if he had found occasion to
regret such an expeditions way of settling
the matter He shook his head and said:
"Noa, sir, niver. Shoes made rare
good wife. But Shoes her maugrums a.
times. But what women amt got en-?
They've all On 'en maggots j. their heads
or tcmpers.''
When he was married he took his wife
a trip to Bolton, and spent week on his
honeymoon tour. AS soon as he was re-
turned home the first thing he did was to
put his wife into the scales to weigh her.
Then the butcher took out his account
book and divided the expenses of the
marriage and wedding tour by the weight
of the wife.
"Eh, LASS said he, "thoust cost me
fourtccnpcncc-h apcnny pound. Thou'st
the dearest piece o. meat that liver
bought"
lie was going to York with his son,
boy of eighteen. He took ticket for
himself and a half one for the boy. When
the train drew near to York the ticket COL
l.ctor came round and exclaimed at this
half-ticket:
"Whcrc's the child:''
"IIerc,' said the butcher, pointing to
the tall, awkward youth.
-" What do you mean?' asked the in
dignant ticket collector. "He amt
child; he's young man!''
'Ah! so he is, now" answered the
butcher, "but that's thy fault, not mine.
| know that when we got in at Wakefield
he were nobbut BARN; but tha'st been
gon' SO COMPOUNDED slow that he's growcd
sim we started!''
James was at one time not we'll off, lie
had a brother Tom who had some money.
Now James happened to hear that his
brother was very ill, and, as they had not
lattcrly been very good friends, he was
afraid lest, if Tom died, he would not
leave him his money. So he Immediately
set off to his brothers. house, and on his
arrival found him i'll in bed. He went
up to the room in which his brother lay,
and began:
"Wccl, an HOBART az"
"Oah, Jamesn' said Tom, "I's vara
bad 1 think Is boun' to dee"
'Eh!" said James; "well, mebbe tha'lt
outlive me, Tommy; nobbut feels vara
mi'ldlin' mysen. haint folt wecl for a
long while, an l war just thinkin', Tom
my, O. sendin to Mr.. Smith, t. lawyer, to
maxi me bit o. a will, tina knaws. Hast
a made thy will, Tommy?"
"Noa," said Tom, I" haint; but war
thinkin' wi thee, James, O. scndin' for
Lawyer Smith. Moo, hoo vast thinkiD'
o. maxim thy will, Jamcs?''
"Wcel, tina knaws, Tommy" said
james, "mebbe thou an me haint lately
been vara partiklers; but war thinkin' it
ever owt ia be, Let bygoncs be bygones,'
an soa was thinkin' O. leavin' my bit O
brass to thee. Moo, Tommy, hoo vast a
thinkin' O leavin' thy money!"
| Nhy,' SAID Tommy, las thOu'st been
sa good as to leave thy money ia me, l
think it wadn't be rect if didn't dot same
by thee, an leave thee my money"
[ "Weel,' said James, II think you
! couldn't do better; and soa, let's send for
Mr.. Smith to maxi our wills, and l think
nebbe, Tommy, thou'd better ha' thy will
made fust''
So these two men sent for the lawyer to
make theirwills. Tommy's was first made,
and very few days after he died. His
money then came to James, who in reality
was not ill in the least, but had only
pretended to be so.