The Richmond palladium. [volume] (Richmond, Ind.) 1855-1875, 1875-03-17
BILL AND THE WIDOW.



A Story That VIII Make You Laugh.
"Wife," said Ed Wilbur one morn
ing as he sat stirring his coffee with
one hand and holding plum cake on
his knee with the other, and looked
across the table into the bright eyes
of his little wife, wouldn't it be a
good joke to get bachelor Billy Smiley
to take Widow Watson to Barnum s
show next week ?"
"You can't do it. Ed; he won't ask
her, he 8 so awful shy. Why, he came
by here the other morning when was
hanging out clothes, and he looked
over the fence and spoke, but when l
shook out night gown he blushed
like girl and went away"
81 think can manage it" said Ed;
"but L IL have to lie just little. But
then it wouldn't be much harm under
the circumstances, for l know she
likes him, and he don't dislike her;
but just as you say, he's so shy. I'll
just go over to his place to borrow
some bags of him, and if 1 don't bag
him before I como back, don't kiss
me for week. Nelly"
So saying, Ed. started. and while he
is moving the fields we will take a
look at Billy Smiley. He was rather
a good looking fellow, though his hair
and whiskers had some gray hairs,
and he had got in a set Of artificial
teeth But every one said he was a
good soul, and SO he was. He had as
good a hundred acre farm as any in
Norwich, with new house and every
thing comfortable; and if he wanted a
wife, many a girl would have jumped
hopper. But Bill was so bashful-
always was-and when Susan Berry
bottle, whom he was so sweet on,
though he never said boo to her,
got married to old Watson, he just
drew in his head like a mud turtle
into his shell, and there was no get
ting out again, though it had been
noticed that since Susan had become
a widow he had paid more attention
to his clothes, and had been very reg
ular in attendance at the church the
fair widow attended.
But here comes Ed. Wilbur.
Good morning, Mr.. Smiley"
Good morning, Mr.. Wilbur.
What's the news your way
"Oh, nothing particular, that
know Of" said Ed, ''only Ba1num j
show, that everybody is talking about,
and everybody and his girl is going to.
I was over to old Sockrider's last
night. and see bis son Gus has got a
new buggy, and was scrubbing up his
harness, and he's got that white faced
colt OF his as sleek as a seal. l un-
derstand that he thinks of taking
Widow Watson to the show. He's
been hanging around there good deal
of late, but I'd just like to cut him
out, l would Susan is a nice little
woman, and deserves better man
than that young pup of a fellow,
though l would not blame her much,
either, if she takes him. for she must
be dreadfully lonesome, and then she
has to let her farm out on shares, and
it isn't half worked, and no one else
seems to have the spunk to speak up
to her. By jingo! if | were a single
man I'd show you trick or two
So saying, Ed. borrowed some bags
and started around the corner of the
barn, here he had left Bill sweeping,
and put his ear to knot-hole and lis
tened, knowing that the bachelor had
habit of talking to himself when
anything worried him.
"Confound that young Sockrider"
said Bill. What business has he
there, l would like to know? Well,
so have l, and a new harness, too, and
his horse can't get in sight of mine;
and declare We half mind to, yes,
1 will, I'll 60 this very night and ask
her to go to the show with me. I'll
show Ed. Wilbur that | amt such a
calf as he thinks l am, if did let old
Watson get the start of me in the first
place"
Ed. could scarcely help laughing
outright, but he hastily hitched the
bags on his shoulder, and with low
chuckle at his success started home to
tell the news to Nelly, and about five
O'Clock they saw Bill go by with his
horse and buggy, OH his way to the
widows. He logged along quietly,
thinking of the old singing school
days, and what a pretty girl Susan was
then, and wondering inwardly if he
would have more courage now to talk
up to her, until at distance of about
a mile from her house he came to a
a bridge-over large creek-and it
SO happened that just as he reached
the middle of the bridge, he gave
tremendous sneeze, and blew his teeth
out of his mouth and clear over the
dash board, and striking on the planks
they rolled oyer the side of the bridge,
and dropped into four feet of water.
Words cannot do justice to poor
Bill or paint the expression of his
face as he sat there, completely dunn
founded at his startling piece of i'll
luck. After getting down on his
hands and knees, he looked over into
the water. Yes, there they were, at
the bottom, with a crowd of little fish
es rubbing their noses against them,
and Bill wished to goodness that his
nose was as close for one second. His
beautiful teeth that had cost him so
much, and the show coming on, and
no time to get another set, and the