Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-07-16

ANO OflC uOSt.
Maine has new town called Skatcha-
watchiekatchie.
Oh, my dear wife," said John Henry, as
he paid the milliner's bill.
Moving is not pleasant 1t breaks up
old associations and the skin on your
knuckles.
Certain people are more confident than
ever, since the late whisky troubles, that
Grant is playing seiser-ism.
We think 1t no more than right that
men should seize time by the forelock, for
the rude old fellow, sooner or later, pulls
ali their hair out
A Cincinnati paper says that recently in
that city five women spent two long hours
in making selection of one simple little
straw hat
Warm weather helps one to be good
That is, you don't care whether your
neighbor has a big woodplle or small
one.
The Saratoga chap who married girl
last summer having fallen in love with
her beautiful complexion, says now that
it was Skin game" ---
OLD LADY-"Is this smoking car
riage?" Fellow (inside)-"No, marin; if
you want to smoke you must 60 higher
up"
Zone thing" said an old topper, was
never seen coming through the rye, and
that's the kind of whisky one gets nova
days"
''It's generally the case with bad boys"
philosophically remarked Miss Anthony,
"that they look like their mother, and
act like their father.
A fellow who was up IN police court
recently gave his occupation as that of
''conchologist," and explained by saying
he opened clans at the market
"Your feet are very stylish, said man
to his friend, whose feet were covered
with bunions. No, not stylish, but ex-
ceedingly nobby," was the good-natured
reply.
\ Kansas paper says. "a mule kicked
an insurance agent, in this place, on the
check. the other day The agents cheek
was uninjured, but the mules hoof was
broken"
Can you inform me" said student to
bookseller, whether l can find any
where the biography of Pollock?' Yes, l
dare say will find it in the Course If
Time."
Kansas teacher-'Wher does all our
tosn -kSVt in
to the hopper" Hopper! What hop
PERI" Grasshopper! triumphantly
shouted the boy.
A printers devil says his lot is hard
one; at his boarding hourse they charge
HIM with all the pie they can't find. and
at the Office his employer charges him with
ell the pi they do find.
At recent Washington breakfast, fruit
was served as the first course, with articles
OF Jewelry enclosed in the stones. The
ices were in the form of celery stalks and
ears of green corn. How nice.
(Which had you rather do, go to Wheel
ing in Virginia, or Corning in Nebraskas
-Erchange. Well, We don't want to
Berne Switzerland so We'll go to Reading
Massachusetts over Andover Boston Ad-
eertiser.
When a woman is care -laiden and heavy
hearted, nothing shakes the megrims out
of her quicker than for couple of ladies
to stop in front of the house long enough
for her to examine the trimmings on their
bOnnets.
ul; u, In txrr
horse pistols dropped from his back pock-
cts" Interlocutor-"Buth how could he
find room for two horse pistols?" Third
party-''O, he did not mean two horse
pistols, exactly he meant two Colts pis-
tolls.
Probably no characteristic of the female
mind is better developed than the docility
with which women accept the fashions of
the day. Be they beautiful or hideous,
becoming or unbecoming, comfortable or
torturing, they are the fashion" and must
be worn
Old lady (who sleeps badly)-"Now,
Mary, if should want to light my can
die, are the matches there?" Mary-"Yes,
ma'am, there's wan" Old lady-"One!
Why, if it misses fire, or won't light:"
Mary-"Oh, devil fear of it, ma'am.--
Sure tried it."
DO you enjoy going to church, now?"
asked lady of Mrs. Partington. LA,
me- l do" said Mrs Partington. "Noth-
ing does me so much good as to get up
early on Sunday morning and go to church
and hear a populous minister dispense
with the g0spel:'
\ tond parent VINO bought a cow for
his summer residence in the anticipation
of the delight that the product would
cause his little daughter, was somewhat
chagrined when Miss Pert, looking upon
Il pan of nectar. eXcla:med: ''Oh, the
horrid yellow scum. 1t isn't half so good
as the nice blue milk We get in Boston,"
AS boy was going down Porter street,
yesterday, a woman opened the front door
of house and called, John! John!
john As the boy paid no attention to
the calls, pedestrian said to him: Here.
bub, your mother is calling you. mo
she isn't" replied the boy, turning the
corner; "she is only fathers second wife,
and | want her to understand that she
can't run mer'
4 man in North Carolina who was saved
from conviction for horse stealing by the
powerful plea of his lawyer, after his ac-
quittal by the jury, was asked by the
lawyer: Honor bright, now Bill, you
did steal that horse, didn't your" ''Now
look ahere, judge" was the reply, II
alters did think stole that hoss, but since
hearn your speech to that ere jury, I'll
be dogoned if amt got my doubts about
it."
John, the man who attends to the small
duties around the Jail, was sent to the
post office to mail letter and given three
cents with which to pay the postage. One
of these cents was Il new coin, and not
liking to part with it, he gave the post
master two cents and brought back the
other. Upon being told it required three
cents to pay the postage, he complacently
replied, "Well, let it go as far as the two
cents will carry it, then"
Artemus Ward was one day lying upon
Il sofa enjoying cigar in the little office
of his publisher at New York, when he
received telegram dispatch from Mr.. Nc
CURE of the San Francisco Opera House,
asking, "What will you take for 10 nights
in California;" Without moments re-
Election or changing his position, he re-
piled, Brandy and water. A. Ward.