, 1875-02-07
I1UAIOIt.

EQRBEL0W.
HUMOIe.
A ten-set-the Chinese.
A Pacific fee-male-1rTin.
Materializel spirits-Frozen whisky.
A mountainous event-Andes election.
} Acockney naturally coufounds Masons witl
! | hod fellows.
, An officer has no right to arrest 3 sailor for
. crime. It ls illegal to commit q salt.
A Cincinnati pork-uealor proposes to furnisl
: the world with his ought-to-buy- typography.
Since tho hard times struck Nevada, they hay
: raised the price OF killing Cinnamon to o..
Here's new idea Of the Christmas stocking
, The boy says he Is set it, but didn't catch any
th,ng.''
Why is the end OF fsh's tail like the Primo,
| Imperial OF France2 Because it is tho last o
the bony-par.s.
''She dyed for me-" said young husband
when lie beheld her dark locks gradually return,
ing to their original red.
Why ia Neptune like the man who searched
TO: the philosophers stone? Because lie was a
sea-kin. what mover existed.
4 puustcr being requested to give specimen
OF his art, asked for subject. s'Tho King u
Tho King is not q subject" be replied.
"Ho is such cowdaffd that he wouldn't dare
to STRIKE all average" was the summing up Of a
very miid-mannercd man by an acquaintance.
4 :oung man charged with being 1azy WAS ask
ed il be took it from hs father think not,
was his reply. s'Father's got all the laziness lie
ever had"
A traveller called. ..forimint sauoe at hotel the
| other day, and the waiter said that they had
none, adding :. Our cook makes all the mince
! into pies, not sauce.
| A real hard case-(tho rough's last wrong)-
Liverpool Rut6an-:' 'Ere's d go man 'anged
for kickiu bis wife to death shall AVE to take
my boots oH!"-Punch.
| 4 watering-p1ace correspondent writes that
Very few bathers bathe at the West End ="
| wherupon Mrs. Partlngton says she had an
| idea they batAed all over"
! An elephant is 1,277,3B6 times larger than d
| 1en, bat yet there arc women who growl at pay
| ing two shillings to visit menagere, and will
turn feather bed over half day to hunt flea.
Chorus Of hungry Children Ain't there no
breakfast for breakfast, mammal" Mamma
"Certainly not. You're to dino with your uncle
Richard to-day, and can't have you 60 there un-
prepared"
A teetotalor asked Pat the other day, il ever
be saw teototaler drunk. "Och y replied
many man drunk, but couldn't tell whether
he was teetotaler or not"
"Now, George. you must divide the cake hon
orably with your brother Charles" "What is
honorable mother ?" at means that you must
g1vo him the largest piece" "Then, mother,
I'd rather Charley should divide it,
It looks bad to see dog preceding his master
down the street: and calmly turu down the stairs
to tho first saloon he approaches. It shows
thers il something wrong. something lacking, .
deplorable tendency on the part of tho dog.
There 10 story Of defunct dry goods clerk,
who, aftor the funeral services were over and tho
undertaken had put the last screw in the lid Of
the coffin, preparatory. to interment, was heard
to say, in faint mufied tones, 'Auything elso?"
That vas an irreverent youth who. to his aged
parent desiring to retire fron'the retail trade
and take Government position, said: - You in
the Post Office! Nice old party you'd be in the
Post Office: What would you do in tho Post
Office except stand in the doorway with your
mouth open for FOLKS to wet postago-stamps on
your tougue?"
A gentleman who waited forty-tlge minutes in
Boston eating-house one day last week for
steak, in paying the bill remarked to tho pro-
prletor " / think shall want another steak one
week from to-day" "All right" said the pro-
proprietor, you eau order it then" ''But l
havo to wait" said the customer, as he turned
to go. =.
grocer stepped ont Of his door yesterday just
as q boy had filled his pockets with apples
from q barrel, and he shouted: " Here you
have been stealing app]es-.-polica police! J"
as be put the apples hack. .'s.Dill bet me- that |
my pocket wouldn't bold three old sockers and I |
was just trying to see. Tn open to such bets |
every day in the week! "-Detrol Free Press.
A cattle-thef WAS arrested in Detroit few
days ago, and the Sheriff, on searching him, |
found pasted inside Of his hat the following |
naxims cut from q newspaper Rame1nber |
that truth is jowet; do not covet respect old |
age; be content With what you have live so |
that men will take your character for an exam- |
pie" In consideration Of tho excellent prirc- I
pies governing the mans life, the Court allowed |
him to retain his printed slip during his years !
soiourn in the Penitentia1y.
We have received the following communica- /
tiop, which is exactly suited to our columns:
Ne ED1roR !: I am new hand at writing, but II the
following is Of my rse to you, please accept it, and
gentleman we'll known as one OF the profoundeat
and most brilant teEaters west Of the Rocky
Sly ss tat 19s deep ssEsh and
The other part of Mr. Davis articlo we are re-
luctantly compelled to decline.-E1chdnge.
A we}l-dressed man called at Lebanon N. |
H. grocery few days ago, md asked for ho-
tel. The proprietor pointed him to q hotel oyer
Tue way, whittier the stranger went, but pres
entity came away with disappointed look After
visiting two or three other places, be came back
and asked if there Was not gome place in town
Hhero he could "get something" No." said
The storekeoper. theT don't allow it sold in this
own. There arc men constantly on the watch
ready to prosecute every man who sells." Such
! 1ook Of astonishment rs the Stranger gave, the
grocer could not understand. Finally he asked, ]
: Amt there q place where I can get some ci- |
ler7. Even that will do better than nothing"
Z No. said our grocer. I'VE don't allow eyen ci-
ler to be sold here" Our unknown friend /
aised his hands in holy horror aud exclaimed,
; Good God! thought New Hampshire went