The Emporia news. [volume] (Emporia, Kan.) 1859-1881, 1875-06-18
JUNE 10, 1876.
joker.

The Maiden's Prayer-"Pspa
buy me a new spring suit
To remove dandruff-go to AR
! iona and interview the Apaches
An itch for Office does not al
ways lead to niche in the tom
pie of fame. This is humoron.
remark.
A certain young lady is 81
modest that she will not permit
the Christian Observer to remain
in her room over night.
A Frenchman intending to com
pliment young lady by calling
her a gentle lamb, said ''She i;
one mutton as is small"
Ii you want to teach s dog ar
ithmetic, tie up one of his paws
and he will put down three and
carry one every time.
Can you tell me when it is tina.
a blacksmith raises y row in the
alphabet2 1t is when he makes
a poke = and show.
A Minnesota paper made a
young poetess say: ..Oh. for {
heart full of sweet yearlings" The
poetess wrote to the editor. declar
ing that she wrote Syearning!r
and that the printer who set it up
Il rrs'' If
They met, that Is, she went TO the store,
And made him turn his department Ger,
Till he vanished behind the goods, and
then
She pleasantly 5 lid she would call again.
"Oh! my friends" exclaimed a
temperance orator, "that had
window in my heart, that you
might all look in and see the truth
of what l tell your Wouldn't a
pain in your stomach do just as
well!" asked small boy.
The bottom has not dropped
out of everything. We are sure
of it, for We recently sat down on
a wood bottomed chair on which
a tack was standing on its head
we Immediately arose with renew
ed confidence in our agility.-Bos.
ton News.
Mrs. Rose, of Connecticut, said
she would hang herself if Rose
wasn't home at eight o'clock.
When he came in at night she
was suspended to beam, cold
and dead, and he rubbed his hands
and whispered: There's q wo-
man who couldn't tell liep'
1--WE read in de good book
says a colored Baptist brother
down South, "of John de Baptist
-nebber of John de Methodist
And that, says a Charleston cor
respondent OF the New York Oh
server, is the reason most of the
colored Southern people are Bap
lists.
"You wiring my BOSOM" said 8
despairing Boltimore lover to 6
coquettish glrl whom he had long
sought in marriage. His burst q
grief decided her, and, putting out
her hand, she softly murmured
well! ring my finger, if you vii
be happier for it; l will veX yor
no longer"
1t waa II O'clock at night wher
Mr.. Berger, of Macon, Ga, discov
cred colored preacher in his sta
BILE untying horse, and the
preacher only obserYed-"Jess
what l said all de time, Mistat
Berger, your horse is bay sure
enutf, and dat 'spute between me
an Bfudder jackson is settled"
While riding in q stage coacf
from Undertook to Albany, New
York, many years since, JOIN
Van Buren,, who was smoking
asked a stranger in the stage il
smoking was agreeable to him
The stranger answered: "Yes, il
is agreeable. Smoke away.
have often thought if ever I was
rich enough l would hire some
loafer to smoke in my face" Mr.
Van Buren, threw his cigar out o.
the window.
mo, l don't want none of your
lightning rods SAID a Kentucky
farmer, last week, to q man who
had stopped at his house to put
up patent lightning conductors
II amt afraid oflightning, it's the
thunder l believes going to knock
us all endwise, some day" "You
don't seem to comprehend" said
the pedlar; ''these ere silver tipp-
ed rods are lightning rods, and
the gold-tipped ones are thunder
rods-just what you want" and
he persuaded the old man in or.
dering up the gold-tipped rods.
Sunday was 4 delicious day. Ii
was natures grand overture. The
sunshine was balmy and brilliant,
the air was as gentle as an angel
touch, and the birds melody
thrilled earth and heaven. Man
walked forth into the country,
breathing in the delicious frag-
rance, bathing his soul in the
blessed sunshine, and rejoicing in
the glad music Of the birds. The
next morning he was yelling at
the top of his voice. ''Wherc in
thunder is that ar thick under
shirt, Maria ?'-Charlesten, TN.
Plaindealer.
The Oldest Paper.