Mineral Point tribune. (Mineral Point, Wis.) 1869-1938, 1875-08-05
A SuppOsititiOus Case.

One OF our lawyers, Mr. ClmmS, nau
visit recently from man named Buddy,
Mr.. Buddy entered the office upon
crutchcs, and his face was covered with
Commissions, so that he looked as if he had
emerged from terrific conflict with an
antagonist who had won complete
victory. Placing his crutches against the
table and seating himself very carefully in
the chair, Mr. Buddy said:
Mr. Simms, JUS dropped in to sec
you TO git little advice on point of law
in which I'm interested, and I'd be much
obleeged if you'd tell me exactly what my
rights in the matter are. I'll put it this
way: S'pose'n you were to marry wild
der, under the idea that she was an angel
that she was so sweet that barrel Of
sugar was mere bitterness alongside of her;
aud s,Nose'n after you were consolidated
with her you were to find out that she had
a temper like a she wildcat, and an I'm
the head with skillets or most anything
that came handy, 50 that you didn't know
what minute she'd git her mad up and
skecr you pretty near to death.
Now, s'p6se'n this wilder and you
was to disagree about little matter of
chewing tcrbacker in the house and trying
tell you--in your own house, mind YOU
that if you KEEP aiming at that stove and
missing it she'd warm you up with
broom-handle or the like; and you were to
say that you'd chew where you'd mind
10, and that while it was Il free country
you'd hit the stove or miss it JUS as you
pleased.
And s'pose'n one word brought on
another ri "A nrr flo IN
and come at you and tried to snatch out
your hair; while you grabbed her by the
wrists and held her so she couldn't. And
then s,pose'n while you were rassling with
her you was to get the best of it SOS she
couldn't do anything but have the hys-
tcrics and scream, and you all the time
afraid TO let go lest she'd hustle you out
through the winder
Now s'pos'n that widder had dog
which belonged TO her first husband, and
would rather bite you than not, and all of
IL sudden she was 10 holler for that dog,
and he was to come bouncing into the
room, and, seeing the widows situation,
was to take hold of mouthfu of your
right leg and shake it as though he was
going to bite IL loose before he left; and
the widow all the time sticking him on and
encouraging him to help himself without
any regard for your feelings. And s'pose'n
when you let 20 of her to tackle the dog
she should bang you with the scrubbing-
brush until you lookeds if you'd been
ground up in bark MILL and then
wouldn't call off the dog until you hol-
Tered enough.
S'posen all this, what | want TO know
~, can't you sue that wilder for assault
IVA ;,,i, l.t
dog That's what | came to see You
'rbout, whether you've got to stand having
your leg chewed up and your head mashed
with scrubbing brush, or whether this
great and free Governments going to pro-
tcct its defenseess citizens. | want to
know how ii is"
Mr.. Simms looked very solemn for a
moment, as if contemplating the problem
carefully, and then he said
." J don't really see that the law can do
anything in such case, Mr. Buddy. II
he man married the widow he became
,pari owner of the dog, and it was, there
fore, in fact his own dog that assaulted
him. Besides that, as a man and his wife
are one flesh. rlc widow had partnership
inierc~. in Nc mans leg, and when she set
flht Dog upon il she was really cncourag.
ory. No action can lie against y person
who induces her own dog to bite her own
leg. nor will the law give her redress if
she batters her own head with her own
hands, for the wife who strikes her hus.
band really strikes herself"
You don't mean To saw" exclaimed
Mr. Buddy, in a blaze of indignation,
that that is the law of this land, of this
very country where our foreiathers blcd
for liberty You don't actually mean TO
tell me that a redhcadcd widder, with Il
liNcrcolorcd dog, can actually make that
dog enaw mans leg into sausage-mcat
whiN she trounces him with club, and
that he can't chuck her into Jail for it
that he's got 10 stand up and take t?"
I'm afraid he has, " said Simms, with
sad smile
We'll, then" said Buddy, rising and
Se,2lng his crutchcs, that just lets me
out rs far as this idiotic land is concerned.
I'm going 20 quiz. Ii widdcSs are to be
allowed 10 carry on AS if men had no
rights, III emigra'e and hunt up some
country where enlightened civilization
don't allow widdcrs ts rare. Let's see, it's
India, isn't IT. where they kill the widdcr
when her frs, husband dies? Well, that's
where I'm going, I'm going by the Srst
boat. II stay here In be dead in n
month, and SO Aewed up that they'll
have TO bring me in pieces Good morn
ing"
And Mr.. Buddy hobbed away disconso.
'alcr-afdr Ai5l@r, in n Y, Weekly.