The Van Buren press., 1875-10-19

Mn WARNER TElrs lT-Mr Warner.
respectable and law abiding citizen OF
Baker. street rode home in an express
wagon, having hand fire extinguisher
and the driver for company.
What's that thing 2" said his wife in
contcmptuous tones AS she opened the
hall door
What's that' Why, that's free ex,
tinguisher-best thing you ever saw
aeantsto have got one year ago"
Jacob, you are always making fool
Of yourself" she continued as she shut
the door Every patent right man gets
around you as q cat lays for \ mouse"
"Does, eh? II you know anything at
all you'd know that every store and house
in Detroit has one of these. They've
saved lots Of buildings, and may save
ours"
f." You throw it at the fire, don't your
she asked In sarcastic tones
lie carried ii up stairs into closet.
without replying, and she followed on
and asked:
Don't it shoot fire out p
If you don't know anything, I'll
learn you somathing. It's full Of chem
ieals; you strike on this knob on top and
she's all ready to open the faucet and to
play on the fire"
She grinned as she walked around it,
and finally asked:
do yoh get horse to draw it
around p
"No, I don't get Eorse to draw it
around. You see these straps? Well. !
back 1t, put my arms through them, and
here it is on my back"
u see it is,'' she sneered
"And cant run to any part Of the
house with it p he demanded. "Sec-
iee-'
And he eantered along the hall into
the bed rooms and out. and was turning
the head of the stairs, when his foot
caught in the carpet. He threw up his
arms and she grabbed him, and both
rolled down stairs, He yelled and she
yelled. Sometimes he was ahead and
then she took the lead and neither of
them had passed under the "strng"
when the extinguisher, humping and jun
ping, oSk"t w ohooV oh isS SuH SU VI
chemicals,
You old" she started to say,
when stream frem the nose struck her
between the eyes, and she didn't finish
"What in-o.u c,h !" roared Mr.. War
ner, as he got dose in the ear.
They brought up in heap at the bot
tom Of the stairs, the stream playing into
the parlor, against the hall door, and up
stairs, by turns, and she gasped;
"l'li have you sent to a fool ASYLUM -
Who's fool?' he roared, dancing
around, with his eyes full of chemi
calls.
Pm fainting" she squeaked.
"And I've broken my back" !" he
shouted.
1t was a sad house when those two
highly respectable people got so they
could uss their eyes and discuss matter,
calmly. And she doubled up her fist anc
hoarsely said:
Take that investigator, or distin
guisher, or whatever you call it, bacI
down town, and tell everybody that yol
are lunatic."
And he said
Dummit, know more than all you
family put together"
TnE LAW OF THE CASE --Stippler go
home at a. IN He was hugging pill
lar Of the porch, and Mrs. S was stand
ing in the door, her scant drapery shiv
ering in the breeze.
Ish thish'ere my ouse," said tn,
timber Mr. s.
Yes, it is, you BRUTE, snapped on
Mrs. S.
IAN right, my love, (hic) }, take you
word fol it! Hear it (hic), ye stars, ane
be (hic) my witness ~
Come in, you old FOOL" said III.
wife.
IL thsh'eres my 'ouse (hic), my
love, you jis' don't forgit (hic) it! A
man, by the laws of thish'ere land can
be (hic) tackled in his own heuzc-yel
hear (hic) that: That's law, old gal y
And then Mrs. S, stepped out and in
terviewsd Stipplcr. and the way in whict
she expounded a" higher law to him i,
something he won't forget until Panta
msurs comet strikes the earth. Angus
Ia Constitution.