Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-06-01
FACErIA.

" hat Is 1t that poor man has aud a rich
mau wants! Nothing.
\ fellow who was up in police court re-
crutly gave his occupation as that OF "concho-
osist, aud explained by saying he opened claus
81 market
Aw.g Of a gourmand who had made hiuselt
il, by ieasting oD fish, said he embodied the
trio of the fiery furnace, thus d-rack, me
sick and abed we-go.
Dear me, bow fuidy he talks" said Mrs
Partugton recently, at temperance meeting
Il am always r.. oiced when he mounts the nos
trs, for his eioquence warns every cartridge in
my body.
A little girl and boy, three or four years DID,
were playing on the ice, when sis fell down and
commenced to cry. Bub ran up and soothing
ly Iispei: "Dout cwy rhwear! Thwear! Thay
damu j.
An old lady. hearing some one reading about
Congressman at large, rushed into the kitch-
en- door shouting, "Sarah Jane Sarah Jane
don't you leave the clothes out all night,
mind tell you, for there's a Congressman at
large.
\ colored preacher remarked when God
made de fust man he sut him up against de
fence to dry" Who made de fence ? inter-
ruptcd an eager listener. Put that man
out y exclaimed the colured preacher, such
questions as dat 'stroy all de tn ology in de
world"
"My son." said father TO his little boy at
the breakfast table, "if you had the choice to
be burned at The stake, like John Rogers, or
to have your head chopped off like King
Charles the First, which would you choose p
John Rogers" said the boy "And why ?"
Because replied the boy, Il should prefer
hot steak TO cold chop
Two colored men took refuge under tree
in q violent thunder storm. ulius can you
pray?' said one. No, Sam" was the reply;
''ncbber prayed in my life" ''Wcll, can't you
sing a hymn?" Just then the lightning struck
tree near by. shive,ing it, when the first
speaker exclaimed: "See heah, honey, sumtiu
'hgous has got to be done, an dat mighty
suddin' too; s'pose you pass around de hat"
Jones gave lawyer bill to be collected to
the amount Of $50. Calling for it, alter awhile,
he inquired if it had been collected 'Oh,
yes" said the lawyer, II have it all for you"
"What charge for collectiug2" "Oh," said
the lawyer laughing, Tin not going 70 charge
you-why | have known you ever since you
were baby, and your father before you; $40
will be about right" haudiug over SO
well, said jones, as he mcditated upon the
transaction, tits darued lucky he didn't know
my grandfather, or shouldn't have got any
thing u
"lsh der some ledler here for me?" in
quired German at the general delivery win
dow of the Post Office recently. "No-Donc
here" was the reply ''Vhell dot ish queer"
he continued, getting his head into the win
dow; "my ncighbor gets sometimes dree led
ders in Que day, und get uone. bays more
taxes az he does, uud | hat never got one led
der yet. How comes dose dingS?'
A REMARKABLE CASE Many years ago,
Mr. Abram Dodge OF Ipswich, Mass, owned a
beautiful horse, which was the pet OF the family.
lie was admired by all who knew his playful
it was Mr. Douge's habit occasionally 10 have
froc with his horse 10 the baru-yard, then
let him out alone and he would 60 toto the
river, which was about one third of mile dis
taut, where be would battle, then 10 to oom
mvu and roll on the grass, then with the free
dom of air start for his home; his stable was
renovated for him while he was gone, and his
breakfast put in bis crib If he met his master
he would show some coltish prauks, bound tor
the stable pull ont the wooden pin that fasten-
ed the door, with his teeth, and rush to bis
manger, whore he expected to hnd his food.
Ooc ught the horse was stolen from his stable.
After the expiration of sixteen years Mr.. Dodge
Was at tavern, when man drove horse up
to the dour MIR. Dodge at once recognized
his horse and told the driver bis reason tor be-
Viewing it to be bis; the man told his story OF
whom he had bought the horse, and that he
had owned him Tor several years. MT. lodge
claimed his horse, aud it was finally agreed
that if the horse would 90 being taken to his
old stable, 70 through the habit OF bathing,
rolling on the grass, aud pulling the pin from
the stable door as above described, that Mr.
Dodge should have him. When the horse was
let out into his old yard he reviewed the prem
ises for moment, then started Tor bis old
bath-tub, then for his green towel on the com
mon, then to his old stable pulled the wooden
pin, won for himself good meal and his old
master his favorite horse. These facts are
vouchsafed for by reliable old residents OF the
beautiful, picturesque old town, and show con-
olusivcly the long memory OF our oo0iest
animal.
INTREPID JEWS Since the time Of Daniel
Drawing the den of lions to which despotlsm
had duomed him for bis religion, and his three
friends tcaressly encoun;erlng the seVen.iold
heated furnace, Jews have ever been noted tor
their intrepidity aud perseverance, though
not for similar manifestations OF Divine favor
and protection % late occasion the Em-
peror Of Russia was reviewing his heet, when
two sailors particularly attracted his attenuoo'
both by the precision with which thcy per
formed several difficult mat 0uvres aud oy the
agility ana daring which they displayed. Ihe
Emperor was 80 much pleased that ne imne'
dlatcy promoted one to be captain, the other
he appointed lieutenant on the spot. The men,
however, we're Jews, aud there is ukase for,
bidding Jews to wear an epaulet. SshaaW,.
cried the Emperor, that does DOT signify 10
the least, they shall Immediately embrace the
Greek religion, of course " When this deter
mluation was communicated to the two young
men, knowing that remoustrance was 10. Valo'
they requested the Emperor's permission TO
exhibit still more of their maDGdvres, as ne
had no, seen all they could do. This being
erao,cd they asceuded the topnast, embraced
and locked 10 each others arms, threw them
selves into the sea and departed forever.