The Bismarck tribune. [volume] (Bismarck, D.T. [N.D.]) 1873-1875, 1875-03-03
! Tho Man WHO svsre On.

AssSS AAlsS0u O0sSl Ous Va =
morning he arose and said to his wife:
MARY Jane Sinner, here I've been
squandering at least dollar week for
more than dozen years = ~
''But / though you said glass now
and then aided your DIGESTION" she
replied. 9a go iss5t OH Hot9Ss'
/ is.All fudge and nonseuse!' he contin-
ued, 'sthat was only Al excuse 70 satisfy
my own conscience" -.
s.And I've heard you say that it made
you sleep better helped you to have
clear head" she said. a!E sit :-.si
s'Nonsense-worst kind Of bosh! Eve
drank up $500 in the last dozen years,
aud it hasn't benefited me one cent ~
. ssWellI' @ 9iij aiea sA.5 -
"Well, I'm going to quit. I'm going
to commence now. No more drinks tor
Sinner after this!'' ~.
ssGood boy-noble husband" she
said, patting him on the chin; "now
you begin to talk like = Roman--new
YOU are going to- test your stamina!9
Sinner felt puffed up with pride for
an hour Or two, and then he began to
feel a gohehess along down his throat.
He drank water, cold coffee and milk,
and got through with the day; although
when he went to bed he dreamed he
was 4 flask Of brandy and that . mem
Der of Congress was carrying him in his
ccoat.tail pocket. At midnight he awoke
with his thumb in his mouth, just on the
point Of taking . ten cent drink, and at
daylight he inquired Of his wife wheth-
or it was the year 1875 or 1875. 1Ss'
r9 That forenoon. while he sat in his
Office meek looking stranger entered,
took paper from his pocket and said
that he was soliciting aid for the Kan
sas grasshopper sufferers. . ~. -
'.Grasshoppers be hanged 2" exclaim.
ed Sinner. s.The next fraud who comes
in here will got his neck broken |"
His chief clerk spoke to him about
ordering some goods, anu ne whlrieo
around and said he wouldn't order an
other dollars worth Of goods In ten
years. A young man called to secure
place and Sinner threw the coal stove
shaker and hit him on the ear.
s. When he went to dinner hes sfattered
himself little that he has succeeded IN
curbing his inclination to drink and ms
wife patted him on the shoulder and
whispered: '6sE -
+ Samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Gar of Russia !" e..
Going down town again he entered a
saloon and asked the saioon-keeper It
he honestly thought that moderate
amount Of brandy would affect his
health. The saleon-keeper was sure 1T
wouldn't. The bottles looked good to
Sinner, and there was q pleasant smell
as he leaned over the bar.
10 When he reached his Office he kicked
chair over, hoisted the spittoon across
the Dom, and sat down and dated
letter 1877. A lady called to have him
subscribe something for Z new Sunday
school, and he bristled up and yelled:
"No, sir-not red! Sunday schools
are killing the business interests OF this
country y l,6 a7
After about an, hour he went out and
asked doctor il three drinks of gin
per day would hurt any one. The doc
tor thought not, if they were light ones.
Returning to the Office Sinner hunted
up an old brandy bottle and sat and
held it . long time and wondered how
they were made, and then threw 1t into
the coal box and went out on the street
and asked life insurance agent If two
or three drinks per day would hurt a
man. OF course they wouldn't, replied
the agent. Going home to supper Shi.
ner asked three more men, and they an
replied ano." When he reached home
be said the biscuits wern't 1T for can
nibals, gave the girl warning 70 Leave,
called his wlfe's brother, who was there
on ! visit, ! hump-backed, willfui liar.
when Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors If
I little brandy WAS hurtful. Then he
went into saloon and asked for sofae
pop. He was good while in drinking
it. and then he asked to look on the
label Of ! brandy bottle. When he had
read it he looked to see if the cork vas
in very tight, and he asked the salooo-
keeper If he thought brandy would hHrt
any one.
70 When Sinner reached home that night
he threw his wallet ct his wife, told the
hired girl she might stay five Thousand
years, begged his wife's brothers par
don, and, as he turneda handspring -
the parlor, be broke out with:
@ $50, farewell, Mary Ann
You must do the best you can--n
Sinner was tight. . Il. Quar-.
ae ISL y 81 ,st5gs Detroit FEes Press.
Gen. Hazen Is still singing:
s.There's land that & fairsr than this."
q