Rutland weekly herald. [volume] (Rutland, Vt.) 1859-1877, 1875-06-29
tFrea the petroit Free Pres. !
ASSORTED ICE CREAM.
Quaint Questions that Agitated
Various Dainty Customers. s-

p " "a . : 2 f.
{ He slipped into an ice cream saloon
very softly, and when the girl asked
him what he wanted, he replied
s:Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles, and
minee pie" I. -r.-..
'tThis is not restaurant; this is an
ice cream parlor, she said.
''Then why did you ask me what |
wanted for? Why didn't you bring on
your ice cream 2"
She went after it,, and as she returned
he continued
''You see, my dear girl, you must in
fer-you must reason. at isn't likely
that | would come into an ice cream par
lor to buy grindstone, is it f? You didn't
think l came here to ask if you. had
any baled hay, did your"
She looked at him in great surprise,
and he went on:
''If owned a hardware store and you
came in, would infer that you came
for something in my line. | wouldn't
step out and ask you if you wanted to
buy a mule, would ?"
She went away highly indignant. An
old lady was devouring dish of cream
+ at the next table, aud the stranger after
watching her for moment, called out
"My dear woman, have you found
any hairs or buttons in your dish? ?"
''Mercy no !" she exclaimed, as she
wheeled around and dropped her spoon.
ssWell, I'm glad of it" he continued.
''If you find any, just let me know"
She looked at him half minute, pick
ed up the spoon, laid it down again, and
then rose up and left the room. She
| must have said something to the propri-
etor, for he came running in, and ex-
claimed
"Did you tell that woman that there
were hairs and butter in my ice cream 2
''No, sir"
"You didn't? 2"
''No, sir, did not | merely request.
ed her, in case she found any such in.
| gradients, to inform me !"
"Well, sir, that was a mean trick.
| "My dear sir, said the stranger, smil.
| ing softly, ''did you expect me to ask
the woman if she had found crow bar
! or a sledge hammer in her cream 1t is
impossible, sir, for such articles to be
hidden away in such small dishes.
The proprietor went away, growing,
and as the stranger quietly slipped away
at his cream, two young ladies came In
sat down near him, and ordered cream
and cakes. He waited until they haC
eaten little, and then he remarked
beg pardon, ladies, but do you OBJ
serve anything peculiar in the taste OF
this cream ?"
They tasted, smacked their lips, and
were not certain.
''Does it taste to you as if a plug OF
tobacco had fallen into the freezer? ?" he
asked.
"Ah kah!" they exclaimed, dropping
their spoons and trying To spit out whal
they had eaten. Both rushed out, anc
it wasn't long before the proprietor
rushed in.
''See here, what in blazes are yor
talking about ?" he demanded. ''Wha
do you mean by plug tobacco in thu
freezer ?"
"My kind friend. l asked the ladies il
this cream tasted of plug tobacco.
don't taste any such taste, and l dom
beleye YQq gsed bit Of TOBACCO s,I in i .
prietor. MY ice cream is 'pure, and tn,
man who says it isn't tells bold lie =
He went away again, and a woman
with long neck and sad face sat dowI
and said to the girl that she would take
a small dish of lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she had taker
about two mouthfuls when the stranger
inquired
excuse me, madame, but do you
know how this cream was made? Hav,
you an idea that they grated turnip anC
chalk with the cream ?"
She didn't reply. She slowly rose up
wheeled around, and made for the door
The stranger followed after, and by
great good luck his coat tails cleared the
door an instant too soon to be struck by
a five-pound box of figs hurled with
great force by the indignant proprietor
AS he reached the curbstone he halted
looked at the door of the parlor, and so
liloquized
"rhere are times when people should
infer, and there are times when they
shouldn't. | suppose if l had asked
that woman if she thought they hashed
up a sawmill in the cream she'd felt q
circular saw going down her throat"