The Superior times. [volume] (Superior, Wis.) 1870-1912, 1875-03-27

FALSE PRIDE goes before false hair.
How to signal a bark-pul! a dogs
tail
ADAM was proudly conscious that he
never made mistake in his boyhood.
THE novel for a polceman--'' far
from the madding crowd"
TIE Indiana legislature has passed
bill making ''ticket scalping" Illegal
THERE are five John Smiths in the Ar
kansas legislature.
TIE ea-faring men of Newfoundland
call pastors the shippers of the church.
THE Millerites now keep the day on
which they are going up profound Sc
cret.
Two members of the last legislature
in Maine sported home spun clothes
| throughout the session.
A MAN named John Thomas, of Frank
fort, n. Y, between fifty and sixty
years of age, is cutting thi.d set of
eeth.
ouri, if it lives long enough, will be
able to waltz upon twenty-eight light,
fantastic toes.
COLONEL FoRNEY appears i'll the per
sonals of the Italian papers as Capitano
Giovanni Fornez, and he is i'll danger of
being mistaken for bandit.
In the year 1870, there were made in
the whole world 1900. 600 watches, of
which Switzerland made 1,600, 900;
France, 800, 000 England, 100000, and
this country, 100000.
One of the unfortunate Juveniles who
solicit pennies, was asked, where is
your mother ?" She answered dif1ident-
| ly, "She is dead" "Have YOU no
father ?" Eyes, sir; but he is sick"
"What ails him p continued the ques-
toner. He has got sore finger, sir.
Indeed ~ "Yes, sir" "Then why
don't he cut it OFF, please, sir, re-
sponded the little maid, che hain't got
no money to buy knife
A PATERSON On. j. painter has
patented what he calls stripping
machine, to be used in fresco work, or
in any other in which painted bands or
stripes form part. The coloring is
contained in a metal reservoir, through
which corrugated rubber bands of any
width may be made to revolve as the
machine is pushed along the surface to
by the bands in perfectly regular
stripes.
THE San Francisco Bulletin says that
the Sacramento River is every year
losing something of its capacity as a
navigable stream by being filled with
the SUM that comes from the mines.
The process has been going on for
twenty years, and the largest steamers
are disappearing from the stream. As
for square sailing vessels, no more CT
them will ever go up to Sacramento.
MIR. STURTEvANT was arrested III Mil
ford, Mass, for starving a horse TO
death. Upon the trial it was shown
that he lad a memory SO defective as to
nearly amount to mental incapacity,
and had actually forgotten that he
owned horse The animal was val
liable one, which fact in itself was
strong proof of the theory of defence,
and he was acquitted.
AFTER Walt Whitman emerged from
the last Polar wave, and had thawed the
icicles from his frozen brain, he is said
to have exclaimed:
l howl whoop;
And with the howlment of the whoop zip a
yawp
And with million chil-betingled veins l bow
me to the winters sovereignty;
| O btesome breeze o quakesome waves. and
all conglomerate elements Of geld things
ONE of our young ladies whose COM
pany is much priced by an enterprising
young merchant, took charge of class
OF little girls the other Sunday. After
the lesson, she told the children that if
they wished to ASK her any questions
she would answer them. ''WIll you an
swer true p asked bright-eyed cherub.
I" Certainly" said the teacher Well,
then" said the little one, hesitatingly,
4" do-do you love Mr.. B-?" The
teacher collapsed. -Da,abury Meas.
You ilst ought to have been over to
our house last night = shouted one
small boy to another on the Campus
Martius, yesterday. :" Why-making
pictures ?" inquired the other. Naut
much Humph No, sir; our folks
went away, and we had pop corn, two
kinds of sweetened water, milk and
camphor, drew the dog around IN the
table cloth, and the hired girl told us
eight ghost stories Detroit Free
Press.
"GRANDMA, do you know why | can
see Up in the sky so far p asked
Charlie, a little four year-old, of the
venerable lady who sat on the garden
seat, knitting. No, ny dear, why IS
it ?" said grandma, bending her head,
eager to catch and remember the wise
saying of the precious little pet BE
cause there is nothing in the way" re-
piled the young philosopher. resuming
his astronomical research, and grand
ma her knitting.
LORD JONES, wealthy Englishman,
who, nore than year since. purchased
ex- Governor Buffers residence in Lin
coin, Nebraska, and Immediately left
for Europe, has not since been heard
from, and fears of his safety are enter
tained Governor Butler to-day pub
lished a card inquiring for his wherea-
bouts, and notifying him that $4,000
unpaid must be paid. Jones was i'm
mensely rich, and owned great lands IN
Lincoln, and his absence and silence IS
inexplicable.
AMONG the papers of Capuchin
monk who has just died, was found the
following singular will 81 bequeath,
first, to the Able Michand my breviary,
because he does not know his own sec
ond, to NJ. Jules Favre my frock, to
hide his shame; third 60 NJ. Gambetta
my cord, which will prove useful one
day round his neck; fourth, to NJ. Theirs
his own work, that he may read 1T over
again: and fifth to France my wallet,
because she may shortly have occasion
for one to collect aims.