Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1875-08-21
[ From the Detroit Free Press.l

How Jones Got Barr.Ied Up.
From the Detroit Free Press.1
Just before noon yesterday, Mr..
Jones sat down on an empty bar
rel standing i'm front Of liquor
store on Michigan avenue, and re-
marked that it was cheaper to lose
two dollars worth of time waiting
for the car, than to foot it nine or
fen blocks Mr.. Jones is long, lean,
aud doesn't weigh over 1870 pounds.
The barrel ought to have held up
two just like him, but as he wrig-
gled around to secure an easy po-
sition the head fell in. Mr.. Jones
fell in after the head. 1t wasn't
The best he could do, but no time
was given him to plan and pom
der. The first thing he knew af-
ter the crash, was finding his feet
and ankles over one side, and his
shoulders and head wedged against
the opposite. His head was bent
forward until his neck was nearly
broken, his legs seemed to have
been driven up, and he was right
where the boys wanted him. He
yelleu out in smothered tones, and
an aged lady who keeps an intelli-
gence Office near the scene of the
accident, looked down from her
window, and called out!
'Bub, we don't want any foolin'
here.'
sBub be blowed -lemme out
help! helpp hoarsely replied Mr..
Jones.
oh! young man, you are on
your way to the gallows!' said the
aged lady, and she drew back from
the window and sighed.
Few people walk the streets at
noon, and Mr. Jones yelled out
many times before the grocer came
out. He saw the feet sticking out
and gave them a rap with potato
Smasher and exclaimed:
You boys deserve killingp
I'm dying in here--help me out!'
reared jones.
I'LL die you, yeu old vagrantv
replied the grocer, seeing that the
feet belonged to q man, and he
gave the barrel kick.
Four or five boys came around
the corner, and when they discov-
cred what was up, enc of them rec
Ognized Mr.. Jones' voice. Look
ing into the barrel he asked:
rs that you, Mr.. Jones p
'Yes-yes /! gasped Jones'
Are you doing well down there,
Mr.. Jones!'
oh! heavens-lemme up = cried
Jones =
aren't you easy in your mind,
Mr.. Jones !? inquired another boy.
Ifell you / am dying" shouted
Jones, as he tried to struggle
around.
Il believe you are liar replied
the grocer, as he gave the barrel a
shake.
When ne WAS convinced that the
man in the barrel was not va
grant or beggar he set about
helping him out. He tried to lift
him up, but Jones yelled for mer-
cy, and the boys decided that the
barrel should be tipped over. This
was done, and while the grocer
went after the Ratchet to knock
the hoop off, the boys rolled Mr..
Jones up and down the walk ito
cool him off,
DO you feel better now, Mr..
Jones?' inquired one.
Have you cramps in the stom-
ach, Mr.. Jones p asked second.
DO you really and truly want
to get out of that palace car, Mr..
Jones p asked third.
And Jones growled and took on
and tried to kick, and as the boys
rolled him along he was heard to
make solemn VOW thathe would
kill every boy in Detroit if he ever
got out of the barrel. The grocer
finally came with his Ratchet, and
as he knocked at the hoops he said
it was pity to go and destroy a
nice barrel like that in order to
save one human life.
The slaves finally fell In and out,
and Jones gave yell and scram-
bled up.
sAh! he's the man to play circus
tricks y exclaimed one of the boys.
you bet he's the boss performer
now yelled another.
Mr.. Jones clawed around and
tried to get them, and as he limp
ed away the aged lady in the intel
ligence Office looked out of the
window and said:
IF that man doesn't go around
robbing clothes lines, then Pm no
Judge of human naturev
Time.
Tbnruh lifa fc abort ua bova