The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1875-10-27

With that she reached forward, and
he pounced after the stolen kiss like
q duck after q junebug, when,
Horrors the apparatus moved, and
she fell on the manly bosom of her
stern parental ancestor, causing him
to utter fearful howl of dismay,
and her hapless lover caught, in a
paroxsmal clasp, the angular outlines
OF the most correct old spinstor in
tho neighborhood, and imprinted a
burning kiss Oh her chastc cheek
His faco resemblel u railroad map
OF Massachusetts whole week after,
while his beloved was locked up by
her stern parent, and dosed on bread
and water for three days.
The monitor click" will prevent
such accidents i'll future. Those ar
rangemcnts, rs will be seen, will
cause q general commingling of
guests, SO that no couple will be com
PEELED to sit together for too long q
time. And he is a very poor stick
who cannot converse for limited
time. We neglected TO say that as
each gentleman seats himself, two
claws or grapnels insert themselves
into his neither inte3uments and
faston him securely 50 that he is
compelled to make the round of the
, company or else immediate his IN
mentionablos on the altar of etiquette.
In addition, this invention con tains
q useful apparatus for compelling
beauN to converse instoud of behaving
hko ninnies. 1t consists Of an in
! strlment in the shape Of n thumb
and foretinger, which, at first; gently
clasps the gentlemans neck from be-
hind. 1t is dilated and contracted
ny IN electric battery of great
strength. Passing before the mouth
is small wire of very expnnsiblc md
contnctilc material. SO long us tho
person convcrses, the heat Of tho
breath keeps the wire expanded and
opens the circuit But silence Of
any length of time, by allowing the
wiro to cool and contract, drives the
clamps together, with sufficient
force, il continued, to stran slc the
unfortunate victim. A fellow, will,
Therefore have to tAlk us if his life
depended on it.
There is also worry complicated
apparatus, which, set in motion by
by the vibrations of the nir caused
by pronouncing weather" stabs n
dozen ! MS into the body of the in
dlvld'ml pronouncing this forbidden
word. The sensation produced is
not pleasant, and the subject will not
generally be introduced u second
time
These are only fow of the salient
points Of this complicated machine,
an invention destined to work an
entire revolution in the social world
When Il patent shall have boon OBJ
tanned; the inventor will bo prepared
to sell State and County yrights. He OK
poets to eclipse the Kccloy Motor the
Torpedo Chicken and other usefu,
inventions and discoveries. The
name of tho inventor is ut present &
secret, but will be revealed at tho
proper time.
LEcTuRE.-We are requested tc
State that Major. S. p. Hamilton, OF
Chester, will, Oh Thursday next
2Sth October, in the Thespian Hal,
at I O'Clock p. NJ, deliver q lecture
to aid iii raising funds to complete
tho monument now erecting in Co
lumbia III honor of tho CoYrEDEnAr,
DEAD. Admission SO cts, person,
undor Is years of age, 25 cents.
We sincerely trust that every citi
zen Of Wimsboro who honors tho
memory of tho brave boys in gray
who laid their all upon the altar O.
thoir mother country, will attcnt
this lecture, The monument, {
hoautlful piece of work, is now lying
Columbia Whiting until the va
tnotlsm of Carolinians shall place il
upon it's pedestal. In.rgo sums O.
money have already been raised, but
q large balance is still due. Tho
noble ludics arc striving earnestly te
complete their labor of love, anG
they should receive active assistance
We feel assured, however, that nc
appeal from us is necessary. Maio,
Hamilton is nn eloquent md finished
speaker, and has chosen for his
theme, The CoNFEDEnATE SOLDIER; an6
we anticipate rich treat Mr.. Nc
Master has kindly rendered tho use
OF the Thespian Hall free of charge
Let the people do their duty by fill,
ing it OH this occasion
| -----"---aR>-------.l--
A VISIT 70 CHESTER. had the
pleasure Inst week of participating
in a series of festivities in our sister
town, Chester. The, occasion was
the marriage of II. " Obcar, ESQ
a talented young lawyer of Winns
boro to Miss Eunice Harris, dauph
tor of }. L.. Harris ESD, of Chester.
The ceremony was performed in the
Presbyterian Church at eight o clock
| p, NJ IN \VoIp oo,1o,, L.. d. +,