The Eaton Democrat. (Eaton, Ohio) 1875-1903, 1875-05-13
Wit and HumOr.

PRESSED for time -mummies.
ENGAGED for the next set-hens.
NATURES spring suit bloomer.
ROOTED sorrow-An aching tooth.
A CHILD of the sea-A harbor- buoy.
A DISTANT relation-Your Ant-Ipodes.
LOVERS do the cooling before marriage,
and tradesmen do the billing after it.
MUSINGS among the apple-stands-
"Buy their fruits-ye shall know them"
THE man who courted an investigation
says it isn't so good as an affectionate
girl.
WHY is naming the day like anaya
battle Because it's marrytime en-
gagement.
JooUIAR entomology-Professor De-
fine black beetle. Pupil: A coaly-
hopterous insect.
CANAL frauds Shouting "low bridge"
to prima donna who used to cook on
canal boat, just to see her drop.
EVERY one turns his dreams into real-
ties as far as he can; man is cold as ice
to the truth, hot as fire to falsehood.
THE man who sang, "Oh breathe no
more that simple air, went into the
smoking car, where it was more mixed.
BE not offended at a jest. If one
throw never so much salt at thee, thou
will receive no harm unless thou art raw.
WHY are the fond glances mother
casts upon her baby like Turkish cav
airy? Because they are mammy-looks
(Mamelukes).
WHEN the songs gone out of your life,
YOU can't start another while it's airing
ing in your ears, but it's best to have a
bit of silence, and out O. that may be
psalm'n come by and by.
We know men who will patiently sit
for an hour waiting for an opponent to
study out move on a checker-board,
yet will growl if they have to wait ten
minutes for their dinner.
How PROUDLY we enjoy what we have won in wars !!
The wounds are healed; how well become us now
| the scars!
Yet conflict leaves sting behind it in the heart!
The honorable scars will in bad weather smart!
-Ruckert.
A GOOD way to restore man appar
emily drowned, is to first dry him thor
oughly inside and out, and then clap
speaking trumpet to his ear and inform
him that his mother-in-law is dead.
A YOUNG lady, while out walking,
heard, for the first time, of her mother s
intention to marry again, and she was
obliged to sit right down and cry about
it. She could not go a step-farther.
THE man who tried to enforce conjugal
obedience with cowhide subsequently
remarked, as he put a fresh piece of
court plaster on his nose, that he had a
wife who couldn't be beat anywhere.
THE tenor and soprano in Boston
choir are to be married soon. A wag
saws: "They met by chants, the usual
way. Perhaps if they were to in-choir
of some married man they might not
duet"
"MY DEAR" said wife to her hus-
band, edo you know what is the most
curious thing in the world 2" eyes,
madam" grufiy answered the brute,
"the most curious thing in the world if
woman who is not curious"
"WHY, what drove you from home
such bitter night as this p asked q
woman of a poor little boy, shiverine
and crying at the corner of a street
Gross Words" he answered, with th'
tears streaming down his cheeks.
THE Baptists of Catskill, at com
munion, recently found themselves with
out wine. A thief had, somehow, stolel
it, and the Recorder adds: "Any mai
!, who would rob church will slide dow
, hill in his grandmother coffin"
SOME men always want to cast clou'
, of gloom over good thing. For exam
pie, when Mr.. Harrison, of Delaware
: found that he must die, he said to hl
= wife "Jane, you'll have full SWIM
4 now, and it won't be year before you.
/ be in the poor-house. She didn't tax
q a bit of comfort at the funeral.