The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-04-03
VARIETY.


A col0red preacher in South Carolina puts his
foot excessive liberty at elections and crushes
it. " Dis ting he says. =. OBJ gittin' $lOO for
a vote is all wrong $40 Is as much as it's
WOrfl''
A good many people were recently deladed
into gong into an apotheeary's shop IN village
on the Hudson to see q red bat which had been
captured aud was exhibition. They saw il,
and it was red az brickhat usually is.
Chicago Alderman tried for three hours to
think Of George Washingtons last name, but he
couldn't do it. He said be knew il was George,
and that the man had something to do with the
Mexican war, bat he COULDN'T remember further.
A Kansas hypochondriae, meditating upon the
death OF a dog fancier in his neighborhOOd, gives
vent to the mournful thought: a. Our great men
are Petering out sort rapid like these times.
Whisky kills most on EN- some tumbles over
board, and 'casionaly one gets hung"
A Pennsylvania bull caught sight Of Dan
kIee's elephant going to water and charged him.
The man who owned the bull said that there was
aothi1g worth saving except the ring in the nose,
and that represented the figure g.
aMr. Jones, {" said Mrs. Jones, with an air Of
triumph, - don't you think marriage is a means
Of grace p " Wen, yes" he replied. " 1 sup
pose anything is a means Of grace that breaks
down pride and leads to repentance"
A sound philosopher once said "a He that
thinks any innocent pastime foolish has either to
grow wiser, or is past the ability to do 30 - and
have always counted it an impudent fiction that
playfulEess is Inconsistent with greatness. Many
men and women have died Of dignity.-lFIelds-
A policeman in Richmond, Va, broke his club
over the head Of coIoFed individual who resisted
when about 20 be arrested for unlawful Irespass.
At his eEannination in the station house he was
asked whether the policeman struck him, to
which he replied, {" No Sahl'' much to the chagrin
Of the officer in question
A little fellow, i've or six years old, who had
been wearing Gndershirts much too small for him,
was one day, after being washed, put into a gar
ment as much too large the other had been too
small. Our siI-year-old shrugged his shoulders,
shook himself, walked around, and finally burst
out with Z" Ma, / DO feel awful lonesome in this
shirt 80
A young man walked into indianapolis drug
store, the other day, and called for 50 cents
worth Of strychnine. The clerk, suspecting his
object. gave him a harmless dose OF IS sugar of
milk, }" the youth swallowed it at once and sat
down TO die. To the surprise OF the clerk, he
showed every indication Of poisoning, and he
thinks that, had he not told him Of the harmless
nature Of the potion, he would have died from
mere imagination
A man in Coos county, N. H, ordered barrel
Of poor whisky Of Portland, Me-, firm, and it
went like hot cakes among his neighbors. One
night he had dance, and the liquor was all used
up. Not long AFTER the owner received n letter
from the Portland house, saying, " Send back
the barrel we sent you last week at our expense
Immediately. BY mistake We sent you burning
auid Instead Of whisky"
In regard to the plan to improve the healthful-
ness OF schools-which is TO be discussed at the
coming meeting at Detroit Of the American So
cial Science AsOciation-the Chicago Tribune
says: " Students and saints must have fresh air,
good food and plenty Of exercise TO attain the
n nd 9th
tions the former ind early graves, and the latter
have dubious chances Of reaching the better
world
A STRANGE DISCOURSE FROM THE PULPTT.-High-
landers have TIE habit, when talking their Eng
lish, such as il il, Of interjecting the personal
prono1n " he" where not required, such as "a The
king he has come ins I'd Of " The King has
come" Often, in conseq-1nce, . sentence or an
expression is rendered sufficiently ludicrous, as
the sequel will show. A gentleman says he had
the pleasure of listening 70 q clever man, the
Rev Mr--Qet his locality be a secret, } and
recently be began discoursing this afternoon on
the First Epistle General Of the Apostle Peter,
fifth chapter and eighth verse, in the words, The
devil he gOeth about like roaring lion seeking
whom be may devour.' Now, my friends, with
YOUR leave we will divide the subject Of our text
today into four heads. Firstly, we shall endeay-
our TO ascertain. Who the devil he was Sec
ondly we shall inquire into his geographical
position, namely: Where the devil he was,'
and where the devil be was going. Thirdly
and this OF a personal character Who the devil
he was seeking And fourthly and lastly, We
shall endeavour to solve question which has
never been solved yet, What the devil he was
roaring about
A reverend gentleman who writes for the
Methodist has assumed the mantle cast OF by the
late George Trask, and he insists particularly that
cIergymen should not and must not use tobacco
in any shape. "a No Christian" he says, :" par
ticuIariy minister can rightfully, inuOcently in
duIge IN what may either hinder his own growth
in grace or embarrass bis usefulness Tobacco
incidentally does both. Ii defles the conscience
and euslaTes the man. How can any man hearth
Iy exhOrt others to cleanliness, to seldenial, to
entire eonsecration, to the utmost conformity to
Gods will, and 70 that perfect freedom which -
found in Christ, while conscious that he 10 him
self q slave TO tobacco? Ii is out Of the question
Instead, then. Of quoting particular chapter and
verse; as Mr.. SpurgeOn challenges US to do, con-
corning this matter, We ind that, as matter OF
fact we might hurI the whole Bible as an aEalan-
che against this crying abominatiOn-" This
would appear to be conclusiTe-so tar as the gen.
tIemanis opinion is concerned. Tobacco unde-
niabIy'' hindsrs growth in grace, and therefore,