Clarksville weekly chronicle. (Clarksville, Tenn.) 1873-1890, 1875-06-26
NO BETTER CONTINUALLY.
p. j. GLEESON,
Catholic Priest.

to time, Of Ben Moore's jackass, and
such, to a superficial observer, would
be thought to be the condition of
Temperance; ;" more careful exam
ination of his symptoms, however,
would doubtless change the prognosis,
and lead one to the conclusion that he
is in a more hopeful condition than
was his illustrious prototype. The
trouble with the quadruped was that
his head was too large for the rest of
his person, and no means could be en-
ployed to reduce it: the affection un-
der which Temperance" is laboring
is of similar nature, viz hypertro-
cephalus (big- head), caused by the i'm
aginary possession of extraordinary
mental endowments; but the free
escape of gas in his case, though in
dicative of encephalic fermentation, is
a favorable symptom, as there might
otherwise be a cranial explosion.
The following course Of treatment
- l1hclrciS t.he head
the mouth well cleansed with anti
septics to neutralize the offensive odor
which the escaping gas emits, and re-
strain all propensity to think or talk
until the intellectual apparatus be-
comes thoroughly adjusted. In the
meanwhile, retire into obscurity, and
remain there until there is an impera-
tive demand for your services in allie
waiting the woes Of mankind. Then
go slow, like DIR. Eldridge's pillow cattle,
and move in your appropriate sphere,
and you may yet accomplish your
Legitimate mission.
When a cure shall have been effect
ed, and your mind properly balanced,
then we can talk of the remarkable
Authorizations which characterized
your malady. Then also, when you
shall have learned to discriminate be-
tween truth aud error, we will reason
together. Now go home aud go to bed.
Goodbye.
1t is remarkable, Mr.. Editor, how easy
it is to excite commissions in a cas-. of
hypertro- cephdlus, and how violent the
fits are when excited; also what sense
less balderdash attends each paroxysm
This pitiable object, just dismissed
from our presence, and for whom |
bespeak the commisseration of your
was thrown into furious con-
as you will have observed, by
the failure on my part to spell his sur
name right, quoting just one item f
his stereotyped speech without note or
comment and expressing the opinion
that there were more potent and APP
propriate agencies for suppressing the
vice of intemperance than those he
suggests.
Let intelligent philanthropists study
his last proposition in calmness. 1t
s matter of great seriousness. Do
hese agencies, ordained of God and
infused with Divine energy, need to be
supplemented by human artifice d? The
question is not propoanded in a spirit
If controversy, but for the sober me-
litation Of those desiring to live and
ct right in this life.
ANOTHER AJAX I'M THE RING.
Top of the morning to you, Mr..
Fair Play" And you are into the
rena with fresh vigor and drawn
reinforcement Of two already
gdinst one That is fair play with a
FITNESS, but never mind that, the peer
ess Damascus blade which you flour ,
III SO loftily shall be tried
This antagonist makes a pompous 5
isplay of gushing rhetoric, sagely L
Deaks of the evils of intcmperance, as I
lough all the world hid not known '
lese things before he and we're born, !
nd seeks to cast odium upon South /
der by eonvicting him of intemper- 6
nee, inconsistency and misrepresen- i
tion. These two last specifications
My demand notice. e
l. McOnsistcacy.-This consists in
to favor temperance (as =
ught in the bible), and yet Directing Z
some statements made by certain
lecturer. Marvellous that! d
0 belong to the orthodox, then. l u
ust needs swallow whole, and blood u
W" everything that is dished out to "
c by professional temperance lectur-
;. whether good, bad or Indifferent.
that your test of orthodoxy? Then
ur invincible logic may Ian me jast Sc
lere it pleases-only deliver me from y,
,ndage to this corporation of tyranny.
do not shackle my freedom with
ch slayish chains-leaye me to think 10