The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-09-09
Wit and HulnOr.

THE worst way of being mated Being
cremated.
WHY is whisper like treason Be
cause it is not aloud.
CARRYING up bricks to masons is bod
way of getting living.
TAxIDERMY for parents-H you want
to preserve your children, do not stuff
them.
IT depends upon the sun whether or
not coming events cast their shadows
before.
How MANY grains of common-sense go
to one scruple? How many scruples OF
conscience go to one dram?
MUTUAL VICTORY.
Jones, tired of nagging with his wife, has fed
At the Antipodes he 'shangs his head -
Yet smiles-and she siles-for their strife is past,
And each has tother ''under foot" at last!
SAID foreigner: g So Donkey Sher-
man vosh suspended, heb? Veil loos
taut SO after I was reading his book NIT
de shtories NIT his life. Boston Adgeq'-
tiser.
ellis life was a complete riddle, says
a Texas paper of a gentleman who re-
Gently put charge OF twenty-five buck
shot into himself. His death was a pref
ty complete one, too.
sSoNE men, said stonemason, :" be-
come useful citizens, and others become
vagabonds; just as some slabs OF marble
become useful doorsteps, and others be-
come lying tombstones.
The greatest ioiner-The lawyer he
can place tenant, panel jury, box
witness, bore the court, chisel client,
augur the gains, floor witness, cut his
board, nail the case, hammer the desk,
file his bill, and shave the whole commu-
nifty.
"SURE," said Patrick, rubbing his
head with delight at the prospect of
present from his employer, CT always
name to do my duty" g believe you, .
replied his employer, g and therefore [
shall make you a present OF all you have
stolen from me during the past year. "
81 thank your honor" replied Pat:
and may all your friends and acquaint-
tances treat you as literally.
THOMPSON was boring supper-party
with most interminable yarn, few
evenings since, when one of the company
broke in with, "Ill tell you what
Thompson, whoever told you that story
did not tell you the whole of it. " "Cer
tainly he did," said the astonished
Thompson; 81 know every word of it. .
:" Must be some mistake, Thompson, y
persisted his friend; she never could
have told you the end of it.
A BOY tried his first pipe the other day.
When his father came home to dinner,
he found hin braced against barrel,
with his legs apart, his hands and lower
jaw dropping istlessly, and a death
ly palor overspreading his face.
" What is the matter with you 2" in
q11ired the amazed parent. "My-
teacher isis SICK" gasped the boy.
"Well, you mustn't feel SO badly
about it, Tommy, said the father kindly.
g She will get we'll again, without
doubt" And then, stepping into the
house, he observed to his wife that that
was the most sympathetic boy he ever saw.
SHE sat by the window, reading and
rocking, and when she heard the child
scream she put her finger on the line
she was reading and called to the hired
girl: Sarah, go and call that tarnal
young 'un into the house" She
had commenced another chapter when
the poodle, walking up and down
in front of the gate, was snapped up by
a big cur. The book wds thrown across
the room as his yells were heard, the
+bo xuoy,oo1, iI1ro7,ad I'M and ran and as
she reached the gate she screamed:
(" Sarah ! Sarah the poor darling
dog will never get over this shock to
his nervous system !''-Detr0it Free
Press.
Selecting Stove.