Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-11-22


this and next Thursday.
An Indiana man picked up a wild cat
in his barn in place of an Afgan. He
detected the difference in a millionth
part of second.
Anything pite you dere ?' inquired
one fisherman of another, while engaged
in angling. mo, noting at all" &" we'll"
returned the other, noting pite me too
A man may occasionally kiss the
wrong woman by mistake. But when he
makes a practice of it the right woman
finds it out-and that's what bothers
him.
Swapping horses in the stream-the
Democrats of Boston running Halsey T.
Boardman for Mayor and the Republi-
cans running Mayor Cobb. a silver-tOp
democrat.
The sehoolmaster who sat down on
the business end" of a pin that had
been ingeniously fixed on his chair, rose
like Phoenix.
MA" observed Blobbs' little child
refectively the other night as the first
stars came out, Don't you think that
when those stars winkle that way they
must tickle the angels feet?"
A young shaver had had several teeth
extracted with the assurance that they
would come again. With an eye to the
immediate future little Johnnie inquired.
"Will they come again before dinner"
"Is it possible. miss, that you don't
know the names of some of your best
friends 2"
Certainly; do not even know what
my own name may be in year from
this time"
Mr.. Beecher thinks the Connecticut
deaoons who make grape wine for the
communion table are holy men. for they
turn out such abominable stuff that no
body will be tempted by it to begin a
career Of intemperance.
A Detroiter had his hair cut the other
day, and after the barber had finished,
the head was the worst looking job ever
turned out in Detroit. The man was
hopping mad as he looked into the glass
and roared out
"Why, you blamed fool, you don't
know anything about hair cutting"
"Dat's so, boss said the owner of
the shop. coming forward. "I told him
to take your head to learn oD, but it
don't pear to me dat he'll ever make
much of barber"
A HoME QUEsrIoN.-A Detroit boy
surprised his father the other day by
asking
Father, do you like mother %
"Nhy, yes. of course.
"And she likes your .-
"Of course she does
"Did she ever say so p
"Many time, my son"
"Did she marry you because she loved
you ?'
Certainly she did"
The boy looked the old man over. and
after long pause asked:
"Well. was she as near sighted then
as she is now ?'
ODE TO AUTUMS.-The grasshoppel
creaks in the leary gloom, And the bum.
bic bee bumbleth the live-long day. But
where have they gone with the bran-neW
broom? And what has been done TO the
buzz-saw's play?
Oh, it's little he thinks of the cold
mince pie. And it's little he seeks of the
raw ice cream; For the dying year,witt
its tremulous sigh Shall waken the lin
gering loon from his dream.
Oh, list ! For the cricket, now fal
and near. Shrillfully singeth his rounde
lay. And the negligent noddle his noisy
cheer, And where the doodlebug eats th'
bay |4-
| Oh. the buzz-saw so busily buzzes tn
stick. And bumbling the humble be
bumbleth his tune While the erieke
cricks eriekingly down at the creek
And the noodle calls noisily out lis
noon ?"
The dog fennel signs. "Sbe is here
she is here !" And the smart weed say
dreamily ''Give usa rest n The hop win
speaks tenderly. Give us a beer" An
the jimpson weed hOllers, -.Oh, pull dow
your vest ="