South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-12-17

cant met tho poet in the Corso one dav,
and asked for contribution to repair
monastery. You should not ask me
for aid" remarked lowell, in choice Tus.
can. "for I am heretic." THAT makes
no difference" replied the astute friar -
your money is orthodox"
~ young laiy from the rural dis.
tricts entered dry goods store the 9TH
er day and asked for pair of stockings.
The clerk politely asked her what mum.
Der she wore. ''Why, two, you blasted
fool; do you suppose am centipede,
or wooden leg? How many do you
suppose two.leggod hair.pin like me
would wearY'
V"Ben Billings stole cattle and then
lied about it, so his friends took him out
and performed a surgical operation on
him from which he never recovered is
the way the death Of a Nebraska man is
recorded in local paper.
lV'"1s this the doctors Officer" in
qrired man who popped his head in
side the sanctum door mo, sir-the
next flight OF stairs" "Well, l am too
tired to go any further" said he sadly;
'but If you see the doctor any time this
morning, L wish you would tell him that
my step.mother is dying and we'd like
to have him call if he gets time"
IVA good story is extant OF Martin
Van Buren,, who, when n candidate for
oihce-as he frequently was-found his
wife weeping over bitter personal at
tack upon him, in one Oft newspapers
"Whv, my dear" said the willy sage of
Undertook. II paid fifty dollars to have
that printed" The incident, whether
historical or imaginary, is n good exam
pie OF the value which many politicians
set of political abuse With them moth
ing is so fatal as neglect. 1t is better
to be assailed than to be let alone.
g|A Yorkshireman having killed n
pig, and not wishing to divide with his
neighbors, rs was the custom, said to his
man (who. by the way, was son of the
Emerald Isle):
''Pat, if 1 give the neighbors, who
have given to me, piece OF my pork,
I'll have none for myself. Can you tell
me what I am to do?''
''Bedad, sir" said Pat. its myself
that can do that same thing
Good" said the rkshireman, rub
bing his hands. and looking ut Pat
"Now, tell Inc what am TO do
Faith, sir" said Pat, sure and when
the crathur is claned, just be afther
hanging it against the door, where livery
mothers son of them will see it, and
carly in the morning, before any one is
about, get up and take in Your pig and
hide 1t away. Thin when your neigh
bors come, just be afther telling them
that the pig was sthole."
Capital idea, Pat!' exclaimed the
Iorkshireman. ''Tll do it,
So when the pig was cleaned, it was
hung up outside, so that the neighbors
might see it. The countryman anxious
~ awaited the approaching night, and at
last retired to bed, but not TO Sleep
Pat, under the cover OF the darkness of
the night, crept round the house and
stole the pic.
What was the astonishment Of the
Iorishircman when. at early dawn, he
arose to hide away his pig, but found
no pig there, can be better imagined
than described. Pat came in with his
top o the mornin' to We, sir" and Civ
ing him knowing wink. said:
MASTER, how about the pig?"
We'll. Pat, the pig was stolen in re-
atty
Faith, and that sounds just rs natu-
raj rs ifyou had lost your pig said Pat,
with another knowing wink.
but You bIockhead, | tell you the
pig was stolen
Faith, and the sorra bit O. me
thought YOU could act so well. Just
stick TO that; it's natural rs life"
But" roarcd the now irato Yorks shire.
man, II tell you the pig was stolen,'
Och. :" said Pat, stick to it. and yer
Majors will behave you, aud sorra a bit
Of it they'll get. Faith | didn't think
ye could DO it so we'll"
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