Litchfield enquirer., 1875-07-15
From Harper's Monthly l
 MY ANGEL,
Dead ! who was dead?

friends; heard my mother and sisters \ weeping; but my dulled brain refused to understand the cause of all this trouble. I sat quietly in my chair beside the table, as had been sitting when neighbor came in to bring the fatal tidings. Amidst all the confusion was still and calm. con scious only of slight feeling of weariness and impatience at the stupidity which could believe such a report. Some one laid soft hand on my forehead, and look ed wistfully into my'eyes; another friend held a glass of water to my lips. and said, pitifully. ''If she could only weep ]"
 I put the water away with an apathetic glance. For what should I weep? Whe was dead? Surely not George Elliott. He was my lover, almost my husband. The wedding garments were all prepared, and he had promised to return speedily and take me with him to the beautiful home of which he had told me. Was he not true to me? Had he not lifted me up out of the cold darkness of my former life into the sunshine of love such as had dreamed of with hopeless longing, but never thought to win? He, the young, the brave, the noble, could he die? Could he disappoint me-could he bereave me so? Who dared to say that he was dead drowned on his hemeward voyage?
 But the sound of weeping and the low lamentations went on. Friendly hands had lifted me from my chair and laid me on the sofa-what ailed me that had no power to resist them? What was this tor turing distress that by its very intensity seemed to dull.my brain and to press my heart out of place? Was there then.no poTeE in human love, no strength III hu.- man will. that he could not live to see me- once again? Was there no preseience inr an idolatry like mine, that had been all these days absorbed in delicious dreams of coming joy, while he on whom all was centered, without whom they per- ished, was drifting about, the sport of ocean surges, or lying deep amidst the hidden wrecks and lost treasures of the pitiless sea? s--t
 There could not have been many min- utes of this apathy. Our pastor lived near, and had come to us speedily when he heard the news. which had flown like lightning all over the village before it reached our dwelling. The first words that struck my ear distinctly were from his lips. He sat beside me and repeated, 'Whatsoever the Lord pleased, that did he, in heaven and upon earth, in the seas, and in all deep places. God is our refuge tN-@ oeANA6~S es VOAy PACoOAiu hCAP HI SAoO- ble. Be merciful to me, O God, for my soul trusteth in thee; yea, i'll the shadow of thy wings will make my refuge, until these calamities Ee overpast." At this the great deep of my soul was broken up and the fountains of bitterness oyerhowed. My whole nature arose in rebellion against the hand which had stricken me, and in that rebellion l first admitted to myself that had been stricken #zlsI
 Of the awful hours following Icannot speak. None maystread the pillows of that deep but those who have faith mo who IS able to say even to this storm and to this sea, "Peace be still ?" Such faith had not. I sank in the dark waters All the waves and the pillows rolled over me.
 was very ill for many days, and slow ly, reluctantly, turned back from the gates of Death to fake up again Life's heavy burden. For life was indeed bur den to me, not only because of grief but because of sin A hand that should have aided me over the rough paths had long been busy in planting thorns there instead of roses. To those who have been equally unfortunate 1t is enough to say that there was one whose return to us each night was looked for with an unspoken dread, and too often the bloodshot eye. the unsteady step, and the rambling, incoherent speech told of a thirst gratifed at the expense of shame and suffering. My mother and el- der sisters were of nature gentler and more submissive than mine, and day after day, year after year, they had borne that which could only endure because hop ed at length to leave it forever. When the paradise l had so nearly gained was thus i'll a moment destroyed, determined no longer to remain at home. I went on a visit to a friend in the city, and advertised for situation as teacher either in fami- ly or school. For some time my appli- cation seemed to be Unregarded: but at length, when my trunk was packed and my bonnet tied for the homewsrd journey. a letter was placed in my hands. An el- derly gentleman in the country had mo- ticed my advertisement. His family con- sisted of two besides himself-his mother and an invalid daughter of eighteen, to whom he wished me to be at once teacher and companion. The compensation offer ed was small; but could live on it, and anything seemed better to me than re- turn to my care-EOrn family with their half-known shame, and to the chamber which, like tomb, inclOsed the garments of bride who was never to be-a bride who perished ere her marriage-day-dying with one who went down amidst night and storm into the all-devouring sea.
 It may show the reckless state of ny mind at that time to mention that my de- cision was made on the instant; and, leav- ing my friend to inform those who were awaiting me at home, set out for the place indicated. Twilight had fallen up- on the city as we passed the last curve whence its spires could be seen, and night came slowly over the ocean and the low shores on our Jeff hand. LCloseIy vailed and wrapt in my shawl, sat on the ex- treme end of the boat, outside the saloon, and watched the gathering gloom. No one there knew me, and thus, lonely and alone, gave myself up to thought. The momentary glow and excitement of setting forth to seek my fortune subsided as the daylight vaned. I had little interest in looking forward-I could not look back. Leaning over the railing gazed down up- on the smooth surface of the ocean, ,gleam- ing fitfully through the darkness with phosphorescent light, and my soul ached with its inexpressihle, unappeaSable long, ings for the dead Oh but to see him once again to- hear his voice to touch his hand why was this denied me? Then could give him up to God and the an- gels, ana be content to live out my ap- pointed time on earth
 | An would P Not 50. IIweun clasp
 him cleses and if any power cruelty and
 unju2tly tore him froh m arzz1s. ' E0Tld
 with mg ewn hands bre6k kfhtoneatthe iron gates So inexorably olased aeainA my prayers, and find firn-where? ?ss=E
 Thus ny wicked and defiant tllougAts dashed themselves against the rock,xhere-
 on 1sxafqsed p bnild 6opeS and. ab-
 sorbed in miserable reflections, I took no
 heed of time, while twilight settled into
 night The wind blew cold, and the pas
 sengers had gradually retired into the sa-
 loon; when last looked around no one
 was present. and supposing myself stlll
 alone, I lifted my head. threw back my
 vail. and bent my aching eyes upon the
 scene before me. The seething ocean,
 with its mysterious depths and the long
 roll of its resistless pillows, was indeed as
 fit instrument and type of the fate that
 had passed on and swallowed up my homes The stars oomfniDp fba skv in