The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1875-06-02
Variety.

The Boston Ti-z,scs,ipf thinks that a remark Of
ile New Orleans Times, that man has passed
90 his sempiternal heritage, leaves a torturing
doubt as 10 his final destination.
The man who believes !" it is better 10 have
loved and lost, than never TO have loved at all -
lives next door TO a man who won, and can hear
the music" that she makes for him very plainly.
brooklyn AryHs.
Why" asked q married man OF bis wife's
mother, do they call residents in the South Sea
Islands cannibals p Because, my dear they
live on other people Brown has been wonder
ing ever since if his mother-in-law was canni-
bal.
The sight Of former lover sitting in the church
gallery during the performance Of a marriage
ceremony, frightened Wisconsin bride so that
she faiuied away. At the moment other collapse.
she had on 81 500 worth OF jewelry that he had
given her.-Broo1lyn ArgHs.
This is what a Western jenkins saw at q we'd
ding reception the other evening: "The jeles
upon the bridal supper tables were pure amber
masses Of quivering translucence catching the
wine-colored prisms OF perfumed light, and hold
ing them in tremulous mirrors Of rosy beauty ?"
Sheridan made his appearance one day 10 a pair
OF new boots these attracted the notice of some
Of bis friends Now guess" said he, how
came by these boots" Many probable guesses
took place. Nor said Sheridan; no, you've
rot hit it, nor never will bought them and
paid for them!"
Pretty Assistant Wont you please make a
small purchase for the benefit OF the dumb animals,
sir?7 Young man with big ears) NO, thank
yer I'm not interested in dumb brutes myself"
Pretty Assistant Oh, but you must sympha-
thize with the young dOnkeys, sir" Young man
keeps dumb.
The other day q minister offered prayer at the
laying OF q cornerstone. A brisk young reporter
hustled up and said, " wish you would give me
the manuscript Of that prayer" al never write
out my prayers" replied the preacher. Well"
said the reporter, couldn't hear a word you
said" Il wasn't praying to you,' quickly re-
sponded The parson.
Mr. Magufin braced himself against the board
ing-house table and tried once more TO cut the
steak. The edge OF the knife turned, but the
meat showed no mark Then be called the wait
er. "Tbomas, has the cook used the ak much
lately 10 chop kindling wood on the cellar-door
Eiepsyr "Why sir?" Because" said Mr..
MaguffD, a il il amt too dull would like to try
ii on this steak"
A lecturer on the evolution theory recently
held forth to congregation of truly orthodox
church ia 4 Pennsylvania village. Great was the /
Indignation Of bis auditors at hearing him de-
uognoe the atheistic teachings Of Darwin and
Spencer He appreciated the point upon learning
lFierward that the people, who had never heard |
the English writer on social science, thought he
was referring to their beloved pastor, Rev. Icha-
bod Spencer.
A one legged Yankee orator, named Jones, was
pretty successful 10 bantering an Irishman, when
the latter asked him. How did you come to lose
your leg 2" Well" said Jones, I" ou examining
ny pedigree and looking up my descent 1 found
there was some Irish in me, and having become
convinced that it had settled in that left leg,
had it cut of at once" "Be ihe powers" said
Pat. il would have been better thing if it had
settled in your head"
A gentleman was looking into the window OF
10Y store the other day, when two boys halted,
and one remarked Say, Jim, don't you wish
We had ten cents to buy presents for our poor,
lame sister ?" Jim replied that be did. and the
gentleman pulled out q shinplaster and said he
vas glad to be able to assist them in such
PraisewOrthy enterprise. He met the same boys
hall an hour arterward, and each had his pockets
stuffed with popcorn balls.
he laid down the basket Of chips be had pill
tered and. looking hard at the urchin who had
been making target Of him by shooting at him
with 4 niger killer said :" Whar was you
raised. chilef" ~Schucargo." said the young
hooiluu. "In de No-fg7 Yeth. thur" 81
tort 50. Sudaurn white folks children wuddent
Do Ike aat Lem@e tell you. honey, manners
gEine to carry you furder den money. You hear
met7-Daaas (7szas) Herald
During the great collapse Of 1857 a gentleman
O. color kept bank ia Western city. His in
stitHiiOa vas apparently in sound condition. bat
70 be in lashion with the white folks he concluded
70 fail Nert morning man came and shook the
door, but a voice inside responded that "de bank
IS closed" But the nan replied that he had left
a new pair of boots there the day before and
waited them The sable fnancier opened the
door soillE. and throwing out one boot remarked,
We is only paying shy cents on de dollar"