The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-11-17

And now I'll HE me to my couch,
Nor more in darknesa rove,
Then oh sleep on till mornings dawn;
And dream Of me, my love.
SUNBEAMS.
Dot 's'''. lamb. e .!:ls what Mar, n's got
Man proposes; bit woman frequently
refuses.
The Indian Derartmcnt bids are marked
~. S. D.7-"U Seal, Divide"-ehY
English spelling match. Teache-"spell
Saloon Scholar - Hess-hay-hel-two
ho's-and a hen-saloon.'
.Tm iIlicted unanimus-onlv sivinty-siv-
.en votes agin me" wrote successful llish
candidate IN Trenton the other day TO his
brother in New York.
@How long will my chop be, waiter 7" an
.crily asked a hungry man in a restaurant
"About FIVE inches, sir" was the accurate
reply.
An old maid, who was over-nice in regard
to cleanliness about her house, once scrubbed
her sitting-room floor until she fell through
into the cellar.
al think I have seen you before, sir. Are
you not Owen Smith r "Oh yes, I'm OWN
Smith, and OWN Jones, and OWN Brown,
and OWN everybody"
A book agent took refuge under hay
stack during thu der storm, and the
lightning struck him on the cheek, glanced
off and killed a mule two hundred yards
away.
aFoIks can't be too keerfu nowadays
what they let their Children eat" said an
old lady as her eye fell upon the heading
of q newspaper article-"Little Emmaline's
Diary"
YoUTH-"Gran'pa, what's the meaning
of glass of port wine from the wood ."
GRAN'PA Gentleman of the old schooD
"Logwood, my dear boy, nowadays. Log
wood Logwood!" !"
A countyman fell off ferry boat a.
Vicksburg, and his wife, waiting coolly until
his head showed above the water, shouted
AsThere, durn yer, I know'd you'd do 1t |!
Bet yer never get out, either."
4Do you keep matches7" asked a wag
of country grocer. 80, yes, all kinds"
was the reply. "Well, III take trotting
match" said the wag. The grocer immed-
lately handed him box ofl'plls.
.PuacNs recipe for the preservation OF
furs is excellent: Pull out all hairs with
tweezers and valnish the skin. In the
Spring remove the varuish and carefully
stick all the hairs in their old places.
Customer-"I want mourning suit"
Shopman-a What is the bereavement, may
ask2" Customer" Ny mother-in-law. "
Shopman.-" Mr. Brown, show the gentle
man to the light af1iction department"
A doctor, attending q wit who was very
i'll, apologized for being late one day by
saying that he had TO stop to see man
that had fallen down well. "Did he kick
the bucket, doctor 2" inquired the other.
GJosHUA," said Yankee mother TO her
hopeful at breakfast "what's an helr-ap-
parent," There's one on the butter,
mother" replied the unflial youngsteer'
And the old lady alt" upon him with the
cofee-pot
Elder sister (condescendingly). See,
Ethel. YOU had better come and walk in
NV shadow; it wi. be- cooler for you"
Younger sister (who rescnts patronage}-
"You are verygood, Maud; but l have a
shadow OF my own, thank YOU"
aThat dog of yourn flew at me this
morning and bit ME on the leg, and
notify you that " end to shoot it the
first time see it" che dog is not mad"
"Mad I know he's not mad. What has he
got to be mad about It's me that's mad"
A Chinese boy, who is learning English,
came across the passage in his Testament
I'VE have pped, and ve have not danced"
and rendered it thus: "We have toot
toot to yau; what's the matter you no
jumpi'
aOh, Charles!" SIZE gasped, as she rose
with some difficulty from her fourth plate
of strawberries and cream, "if l eat any
more I think l will burst" And Charles
fumbled abstractedly in his pocket and
murmured: THAT last plate just busted
me-"
sShall help you to some tomatusses 7"
inquired young exquisite Of venerable
physician, Us he sat opposite to him at one
Of our hotel tables. NO, sir. thank you,"
replied the learned savant; "but I'll trouble
YOU for some Of the potatusses, if you
please"
Charles Taber of Rocky Gulch, Nevada,
chased a smallpox patient out OF town
eleven miles into the country, and when he
got back he went through the streets mop
ping his forehead and observing: 81 amt
had 80 much fun afore since Sandy MCGEE
was lynched"
He was lately asked by friend his rea-
sons for spending his bright morning hours
in bed. well" said the sluggish gentle
man, "you know the old proverb, the early
bird catches the worm 7" "fcs," replied
his friend. well, l don't want the worm;
had one once"
At the close of one of the battles in the
Peninsular War, an officer seeing a private
of his regiment bringing in three French
prisoners, asked him how he had managed
unassisted, to make such capture. "De
iabers, yer honor" replied the man
proudly, II surrounded them! "
An old lady observing sailor going by
her door, and supposing it to be her son
Billy, cried out to him, "Billy, where is my
cow gomez" The sailor cried in con-
temptuous manner. Gone to the ID. 1
suplose." "Well, as you are going that
way" said the old lady, - wish you would
lust let down the bars"
A man went into furniture room at
Mankato the other day and sat down on q
wooden bottomed chair. He Immediately
arose and danced around like wild dcrvish.
The proprietor anxiously inquired if he lad
an attack of any kind. ~ tack !" yelled
the man, Il should say 20 and the con-
founded thing stood on It's head, too.'
The following solder will braze steel, and
may be found very useful in case of a