Middletown transcript., 1875-06-19

link llghtnin, or else you II nave YOU
head punched!"
His plate was returned. aud he fin.
4 ished his soup with dignity. After
waiting moment he raised his voice
again and summoned the offending
waiter sternly.
"Cakelate to siarve me 2"
"No, SIR"
| 4et'Wall-why don't you fetch on some
fresh fodder-darn ye :"
"There's the carte, sir.
"Where's the cart? And what in
the thunder am | to do with the cart,
when I've got III? Look out you pesky
sarpint. or you'll catch it."
1.-The bill of fare
II don't pay my bill till I have bad
my fodder = !. o.-- ..,
| The waiter humbly explained the
meaning.
whats all these crack jaw names.
Give me something plain and hearty
billed corn beef, and fetch it about the
quickest, while look over the paper,
and see what else I'll hev.''''
| .Hold on !"Awas the next order.
whats this here! M-a-c.a! Read
it. won't you. sir 2"
"Maccarori. sir. ]"
...All right, cap'n. Hurry it up"
The dish was brought. za
"You eternal cuss y roared the
Down Easter, '.ef haip't as great a
mind as. ever ! had to kerwollop ye.
and make an example Of ye on the spot
What do ye mean by runpin' your rigs
on me jest because Tin stranger in
these parts ? Take away your billed
pipe stems, and fetch us some cabbage
That's right. And now, squire. some
vinegaf. ''a'e. gs's.a i,,s,a9g. - 'l'e' 3
"Vinrgar's in the castor, sir, F" re-
piled the waiter. and made good his
retreat. af t'ii ss i's-5s
''In the castor, is. it, hey ?" solilo-
quized the Yankee, And where in
thunder is the castor 7"
The young man opposite pushed it
towards him. He looked at it-took
the stopper out Of the vinegar. and
taking up the castor by the, bottom
turned it up But all the cruets mani
tested desire to illustrate the laws of
gravity and leap from their locations.
and the Yankee was compelled 10 set it
down again, 4l.i.i
Jerusalem % he exclaimed. This
here lis curious contrivance. and no
mistake. How on airth am to get at
the tarnal vinegar I'll try once
more "h.84 El# 8rsd aa l'uefaa53
Again he canted the castor, "but
this time all the stopples tanbled out.
.'Thunderation !" he roared "here's
a pretty mess Darn tall; here I've
got the darned castor all in my gravy.
and theIdarned red lead on my cabbage,
and the yeller on my 'tater. Darn the
thing, l say r II
my FRIEND" said the gentleman op-
posite, with strong control over bis
risible muscles, ''it appears to me that
if I were in want Of vinegar. should
have taken the vinegar cruet out Of the
stand, and by that means avoid all
trouble" IN
Here the whole company, Walters
and all, burst into convulsive fit Of
laughter. The Yankee rose in rage.
upsetting his chair, and glaring def
ance at his neighbors. a
'How in the name Of all the etarnal
cusses 10 creation, " he yelled, "should
I know anything about the way the
darned thing worked, when never.
seed one of 'em before !? You've hatched
this up again mel know it Whar's
80
the landlord? :? Fetch your bill on-I'll
get out Of this. l hain't eat ten cents
werth, but I'll pay up like book. and
cuss and quit. And if ever l set out
to eat meal of vittles in Boston town
again. you may take my hide and tan
it, DARN your castors, and your castor
lie. and you, too, and all !" and fling
ing down a dollar on the table, he seiz.
ed his white bell-top from the hand Of
the trembling waiter and 'vamosed.'
Down Washington and State streets,
be streaked it like comet, and never
Stacked his pace until he pulled up on
board the Kennebec.
"Cap'n." said he, to the commander, !
"cast of your lines jest as quick as
you're mind to-and eff you catch me
wanting to see Boston again. jest take
me by the slack and throw me into that
ere biler, boots and all. I" m
The other day an aged couple drove
into Indiana City. Ind, just as an un-
dertaking frm was moving into an old
church. which had been purchased for
a shop. The old gentleman stood up
in his wagon. his mouth and eyes dis
tended, as the men silently carried
coffin after coffin into the church At
last be turned to bis awe-stricken half
and gasped 'tsarY, by golly, it's