The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-12-02
Wit and HnmOr.

WHAT two letters of the alphabet in
dictate very cold weather? | @ Gcy).
"TA1K about the extravaganza in dress
of women - cried Martha Jane, exult-
ingly. "What do you say to Tweed's
$6,O00,000 suit, I'd like to knowg lie
isn't woman, guess y
A CHICAGO girl worth Sc, 600, 600 is out
doing housework in order to know how
to govern her own mansion when she
gets one. This item is right from Chi
cago paper, and can be relied on.
A WEAK female will berate man for
letting her stand up in horse car, and
she will then dance from 10 o'clock till
2. This shows that dancing is better
than standing up.--Nea0 York Herald.
A HIGHLANDER examining picture
by one of the old masters, In which an
gels were represented blowing trumpets,
remarked, ESHeech, sirs, but they maun
be easy pleased WI music. l wonder
they dinna borrow pair of bagpipes."
A DOCTOR sent back coat that didn't
fit him to his tailor. A few days after
ward they met at frner1, when the
tailor, pointing to the Colin, solemn y
said: ''Ah, doctor, you're a fortunate
man; you never have any of your bad
work returned on your hands !"
THE Rochester papers report the fol
lowing as fact A young man passing
around the plate in Sunday school
stopped opposite a friend, who asked
How much is the pool, Jim e One
dollar and seventy cents. g What's the
first choice?" ''The heather. :"
YESTERDAY we heard an old darkey
preaching divinity to his less informed
brethren. He said /" Look hyar; when
q pusson goes under de water by hisseH
you kin believe de spirit of the Lord is
upon him. Jess go way wild dem mig
gers who you hab to pull under.
THARE IL CRATE menny rules to make
marrid life kumfortable, but the golden
one is this: Go slow, and give each half
the road. This rule liz az simple and eazy
az milking COW on the rite side, and
| will be found az usephul az lie to avoid
hot Journals and dri axels.-Josb B9t-
| Id2ag8.
/ A BOOK agent called on farmer the
other day, and was told that the farmer
was too busy to talk with him. :" But, =
said the agent, g Your farm work is all
done. You have nothing to occupy your
time eyes I have, too," retorted the
farmer; ''I've got to plant my foot and
raise a book agent. And he did. He
raised the book agent about four feet.
The other day Detroiter took home
a book containing several anecdotes
showing the power of imagination, and
after reading them to his wife he tender
~ said: +" Now, Angelina, you may some
time imagine that you hear me, kissing
the servant girl in the other room, and
Won see how base it would be to accuse
me of sach thing" "John Henry, .
she replied in smooth voice, eff ever
imagine such thing you'll need doc
| tor within fifteen minutes, no, matter
what that book says !''-DetrO1 Free
Press.
ONE gentlemen observed to another !:
ct have wife and six children In New
York and I never saw one of them. !"
"Were you ever blind 2" go no, re-
Piled the other. A further lapse of time
and then the interrogation resumed the
subject. "Did I understand you to say
that you had wife and six children liv-
ing in New York, and that you had never
seen one Of them - eyes, such is the
fact" Here followed still longer pause
in the conversation, when the interroga-
tor, fairly puzzled, said Chow can it
be that you never saw one OF them"
"Why, y was the answer, zone OF them
was born after [ left.
CONSTRAINT.