The daily dispatch. [volume] (Richmond [Va.]) 1850-1884, 1875-01-25
Josh Billings.

Pills will sumtimes act on the liver, but
saving wood will awuSs do IT,
think the best way to 60 thru this world
liz to 90 backward; yu kant see ahead If yu
| try ever so hard.
He who leads a life of pleasure sows
| wheat and reaps tares.
About one-hatf' the folks go thru life az
drift wood floats on the surface OF the
stream, without knowing or careing much
WHARF they are going to land.
Politeness, even when it IL not the result
ov emmy real goodness ov heart, IL an agree
able fraud.
There seems to be this difference between
the foolish and the wiZe: the phools Kan de-
ceve themsclfs, but they kant deceive
others the wize kan deceive others but
kant deceive themselfs.
Thare IL no one more often wrong than
the one who thinks that he il alwuss right.
Itiz very eaZy to mistake cerimony for po-
liteness, and the vulgar are alwuss making
the mistake.
Truth liz skarse, there liz very little ov it
ennyhOw in this world; thare liz not more
than one thing out CIV ten that we think or do
that IL true.
Don't be afradc ov a SANDER; if it ain't
| true it WON'T hurt yu; if it IL true IL amt
SANDER.
A kind-hearted person liz necessarily pc.
| lite, even if he IL az rude az boor.
! kuo sum very intelligent people who are
| insutierably vain ; this IL the most strange
| contradikshun in human natur.
Trieing to do what natur never designed
US foriz the source ov menny mortika-
shuns and failures Thus we see sum in the
| pulpit who ought TO he in sbumaker's stall
Il ~ n hpnnb 10 N yIypnlI
| be ornaments in butchers shop.
| Crate Welth liz certainly the poorest legacy
VI kan leave yure children. Yu had better
| leave them destitute.
| / never knew four-legged dog to de-
| sert man in his hour ov misfortune, bul
i hav often kown the two-legged kind tc
| do it.
The recipe for making good proverb IL
take one gallon of truth AMI bile it down tC
u pint.
| 1t il fakt, / believe, that all the good
| things that IL possible for human natur to dc
| hay been done, but we are astonished every
| day ut some new phase ov iniqulty.
| Prosperity never made phool 0y a man
yet. 1t very often stirs up the phool that il
| in him tho.
A man ov vivid imaginashun seldum
suckceeds in biZzneSs; he anticipates the
| end, and then becomes disguised with the
means.
Those who are the most keenly suscepti.
| BILE to ridikule think th It it IL their merit
that makes them so, when in fakt it liz
oftener their vanity.
hold that genuine wit liz alwuss genuine
truth.
am glad ov one thing-it don't take but
little to pleaZe me; i am as simple as child
| / wish WaZ az pure.
How kan we expekt the lion and the lam
to lie down together, when we kant even git
two men or two wmmen to do it without
hiking up some kind ov a'row?
Religion that man don't use only one
day in the week IL wuSs than emmy kind oy
in6delity.
If i waz going to try to pleaze every
boldly (Which shall never undertake so long
az am in mi right mind), would tell them
all to mind their own bIzzneSs, and would
mind mine.
A lasting reputashun il plant oy so
growth. ThOZe men who wake up sum
morning and find themselfs famous, are very
apt to go to bed sum mite and be forgotten.
The dogs are the most sensible antiquari-
ans kno ov they gather old bones and then
bury them for praktical purposes.
Things that amt honest are the only
things against which ridicule haz emmy
power.
The man who IL anxious to take o sekret
to keep liz the very last one to be trustea
with it.-Neu York Weekly.