The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-07-02
SAYINGS AND DOINGs.
SERENADE.

GIVE US the pure truth in intercourse,
or give us courtesy. Who can give MS
the pure truth ? But who cannot give
courtesy %. w. Curtis.
Ir is said that tb world weighs five
hundred million bi on tons, but there
was bushel Of potatoes on the scales
at the time and we call for new weigh.
THEY say of Florida that the water is
so close TO the surface that you may
dig down anywhere two feet deep and
60 fishing.
SHERMAN expects 10 make SO, 900 ont
of his book, but WhaJ money TO
man when he darcnt move out doors
after dark for fear of being hit with q
club?
"WEuu. I always make IL rule 10
tell my wife everything that happens
"Oh. my dear fellow, that's nothing,
replied his friend, 81 tell my vile lots
of things that never happen at all.
WHEN they build n railroad, the first
thing they do is 10 break ground.
This is often done with great ceremony.
Then they break the stockholders.
This is done without ceremony.
A WOMAN is reported 10 have died ro-
Gently in Mexico at the advanced age OF
1872 wears. Her funeral was attended by
over 200 OF her nearest relations, among
whom were two sons, aged 30 and lOO
years.
"JuFy." said = western Judge, you
kin 90 out and lind a verdict. III you
can't find one of your own, get the one
the last iury used" The Jury returned
a verdict Of suicide III the mnth degree
THEY have discovered how 10 do it in
Chicago, where they find out almost
everything except the superiority OF ~.
Touis. When they want 10 rid them
selves of n book-peddler or insurance
AGENT they stretch out the right hand
SLOWLY. say deliberately, but firmly
Skin I" 1t is never known TO iall'
Fo,v, doctors tackled Johnnie Smith,
Ttbev hJistprcd and they blei INN
With sauills and auti-biliouS pulls
And ipocac. they fed him.
They stirred him mp with ealomel'
And tried to move his liver
But all in vain-his little soul
Was waited DER the river.
JONES went TO theatcr the other eve
ming. The play was bad, the actlng
vorse On all sides Jones' friends were
Kissing both. 1ou take IL coihlorI-
abIv said n friend To Jones. came
in with pass, and don't feel at llD.
erty to express an adverse oPiont
was the reply. Presently, however
Jones rose, hurriedly, indignation IN
every line of his face. By Jove, i
must go out and pay he exclaimed
Conscious fellow, Jones.
ABOUT the first thing a woman does
in n moving is 10 cut her finger, ana
every object she wishes TO call your at
tention Co is pointed out with hand
that is covered by half pound oi
Garnet rags. and smelling strong enough
of arnica 10 knock over stable boy.
Tho ipiury is sometimes caused Dy
closing her ewes when she Is about 10
strike a nail, but is most frequently
done in taking up tacks with n limpor
case knife.
ono. | don't want any moro OF your
1io,lt,ing rods" said a Kentucky FAR
mer, last week, to a man VINO hau sIoP'
ped at his house to put mp paIen,
lightning conductors. am aIraiu
of lightning, it's the thunder J believe :,
going 10 knock MS cndwise, some day.
@,Vou don't seem To comprehend, shu
the pedIar "these ere hllVer-upPeu
rods are lightning rods, ana the Bolu
timed ones are thunder rous- ut uSl
what Won want" and he persuaded the
old man in ordering up the gold'NPPeu
rods.
Noryery long since, the wife OF Iroi.
Agassiz rose one morning ana pro
ceeded according 90 custom, 10 put on
Lor stocLinos and shoes. At certain
stage of this process little scream ht.
tracted the Professors attention, ana
not having vet risen, he leaned hhA.
iouslv uuou his elbow, inquiTing WhaJ
was tbe matter. "Why, Professor
little snake has just crawled out OF my
boot !" she said. "Only one, my dear
returned the Professor, calmly lying
down again H.; "there should have been
three. He had put them there 20
keen them warm. Pleasant man 70
have in the house, particularly ~ ones
sleeping room. go.
SOMETIME during the last years oi hrs
life the late John Quincy Adams wrote'
beneath n portrait OF himself Hoho
lines, of which the following ~ one
can age Of sorrow and life oi storm
These words were not written ny
wretched outcast, dying Ia the poor
house. but 10y one Of the marked iaVo-
rites of external fortune. Tho Iate
Harrison Giay Otis, in public spSech
of his later days, said "As ! look
back over my existence see phthWhy
of mingled roses and thorns hut the
roses have long since disappeared ana
the thorns only remain Ihis was the
confession Of man who had everything
that almost every human being oi our
generation thinks worth having, ana rs
striving distractedly 10 get health'
strength. beauty, grace, eloquence, cnl-
ture. popularity, eight hundred ihou-
sond dollars. palace on the most eG-
ouisite SPOT in Boston, and a United
States senatorship.
TuE London correspondents IN iaIls
are making fun Of what they cali the
Partisan sportsman, who ~ Just now
said TO he in the height Of his glory
The sportsmen of Paris, IT seems, ~
determined TO be more English thah
onv Euplishman. His shirt collar ~
so high and stiff that by no cxefLon
can he turn his head round his irt sk
coat is so long that ne resembles the
occupants of a toy Noah's ark, and the
nattern of his loose trousers ~ won
derous design which must have cost
hours 20 conceive. Add to this elabor,
ately pointed boots, hat which ~ all
c1ris. and bouquet Of various colors
and large size, aud you have on OF
the numerous young gentlemen VINO
are 10 be met on the evening. oi any
race day, with a grand stand ticket
hanging from their button hole and a
large pair OF feld-glasses slung round
their shoulders.
A Yicious Horse Cured by Kindness
- .nnnrL rnnnLinn Of tho lArmcLn-