Arizona weekly miner., 1875-05-14
OLD BACHELORS.

At an odd Fellows celebration in Denver, Colorado, April 26,h, one Judge Bennett gave the old bachelors lhe following well merited scoring. We find it in the Daily Transcript of the 18th:
 Ladies, Mr. Chairman, Married Gentle men, dad-and-So forth:-I presume the reason am called upon to respond 10 this sentiment is because l am an ancient Odd Fellow and '59-er, and therefore presumed to know of things which occurred before the flood, and so 1 came prepared for it. You all know that all lectures, on serious and moral subjects, have their commencement by referring to the Garden of Eden, and it Is there | shall begin mlne.. And to begin with Adam, the first man, would inquire what he amounted to as business man whilst he was a bachelor, and until he got wife. He had the very best of advantages, too. Clothing was cheap Tn those days, and first-class boarding was also very low; and his story gives no account of his bel s troubled with grasshoppers. And then his sons, both bachelors-Cain and Abel-had they been married men, that murder would very likely never have occurred. For, don't you see, Cain would have been venting his spleen and surplus anger against his wife for peeling potatoes too thick, not sewing the buttons on his shirt, and boring him for pin money; and Abel would have his courage strengthened by his wife's cooking of his mutton chops in better style. l have never expressed it before, but it is nevertheless true, that the reason 1 have never gone into ostentaticus mourning for the death of Abel, was because he was bachelor, and that thought God had taken pity on him in thus getting him out of the world. His brother, for putting aside this old bachelor in this summary way, shortly afterwards was man of mark David and Jonathan were great friends, hut their friendship did not begin until david married Jonathan's sister. Da- vid, it is true, was quite a fellow to kill lions and she bears and Philistines while bachelor, but he didn't write poetry nor rule over Judea as a king until after he was mar red once, and much more. Damon and Pv- thias would never have played the fool, as they did, if they had both had good, sweet, loving wives to think of and labor for. Had that king taken them at their word, and put them both to death, there would have been no weeping widows with weeping will lows all around their hats, mourning tor them. But to return to the Garden of Eden. There is where we found our real specimen bricks of the genus "Old Bachelor" and the real father of the race the poet tells us of, in this wise:s
 "Lang Syne in Eden's bonny yard
 When youthful lovers first were paired
 And all the soul of love they shared
 The raptured hour;
 Sweet on tine fragrant fowry sward,
 In shady bower.
 Then you, se auld snec drawing dog,
 Ye came to Paradise incog,
 And played on man a cursed brogue
 Black be yo ia,
 And gied the infant world shog
 Muist ruined a."
 Now, ladies, this msehievous old fellow, of waem the poet thus sings, was crusty old bachelor, and if he did not dress in clothes of modern cut, with a switch cane and plug hat, and boxtoed boots, it was because of the cline be inhabited and a deformity in one of his feet
 Old bachelors, God help them If my arrows have fallen where intended, this side of tlsen, otld-fellsws will understand there is 10 evil intent in these remarks.