The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-02-04
WHOLE NO. 1445.
Miscellaneous.
Natural slinners-Eals.


Oath of the Chicago girl-Buy gum.
London "fog-horns" are made of gin.
The most valuable prize-Enterprise.
Slipping his grip" is California for dy-
ing.
An unsatisfactory meat Domestic
broil
The new winter hats for the ladies are
already felt.
Like begets like. A Roman punch for
Roman nose.
Soldiers put their best foot forward
That is right.
To make telling speech man must
tell something
If you plant puppy, what would come
up? Dogwood.
How to get rich-Live on air and sleep
on clothes line.
The Cuirass is all the rage with the la
dies. Balaam rode one.
man with big nose isn't always
handsome, but he's nobby.
No man can truly feel for the poor
without feeling in his pocket.
A mother-in-law is not heavenly
body, but she has often eclipsed honey
moon.
Why was Ruth very rude to Boaz?
Because she pulled his ears and trod on
his corn
The good of mans life cannot be
measured by the length of his funeral
procession.
philosopher has discovered that men
don't object to be overrated, except by
assessors.
The San Francisco Hoodlum says, "Oh,
chaw me hair" when he meets a girl
with it frizzled.
Cicero said, THE pursuit of all things
should be calm and tranquil" How
about capturing feas2
"The one thing needful for the perfect
enjoyment of love is confidence" Same
with hash and sausage,
1t is considered safe plan for young
man never to trife with the affections of
a woman who whistles.
When a dead man is spoken of as "the
late Mr.. Smith, the inference is that he
did not die early enough.
In the well settled districts of Texas
you can get free ride on a hearse by
picking up rattlesnake, -
When Noah made the ark fast with
cable tow there was tied in the affairs
of men taken at the flood.
The crow is not SO bad bird after all.
1t never shows the white feather and
never complains without caws.
"All the girls are becoming vegetari-
ans. They wear turn-up hats" And
reddish noses and cherry lips.
81 want to be an angel" At thirty he
wants to live as long as he can.
An old lady, hearing somebody say the
mails were irregular, said at was Just
SO in my young days-no trusting any of
'em"
A man in danger of being hanged said
that of all the games of his childhood,
skipping the rope would be most agreea-
BILE
The Shah frightens his wives into sub
mission by wearing a European plug hat
pulled down threateningly over his right
eye.
Grindstones are considered safe prop
erty to invest in; because if you cannot
SSAl thSl1 IOI SdSA yOu Cdl1 always TURN
them.
An Eastern paper intimates that Treas
urer Spinner acquired his habit of pro-
family while learning to read his own
writing.
Daniel Webster has accepted position
on the New York police, and it is there
fore inferred that his dictionary has not
proved success.
A Texan, named WISER, who broke
one of his arms while wrestling with
friend, is still WISER but the doctor
says it will be some time before he will
be better man.
An Iowa father, who has succeeded in
raising seventeen of the worst children
in his neighborhood, says he is bound to
have a representative in Heaven if it
takes seventeen more.
According to an Auburn paper, they
are going to put up in that city an addi-
tion to their seminary, ito accommodate
eighty-six students 200 feet long.
A Uniontown turkey was observed on
a fence the other day intently studying
an almanac and reckoning on his toes
how long it was from Thanksgiving.
San Juan miner who has been pros
pecting in southwestern Colorado has
found whole forest of petrified trees,
with petrifed birds sitting on the limbs
singing petrified songs.
Douglas Jerrold says, in his Hedge
hog Letters, that Responsibility is all
very well for folks who can have it for
ready money; but to be obliged to run
in debt for it, is enough to break the
heart Of an angel.
A Canada man tied his dog to the end
of rear car the other day, and then bet
the beast could keep up with the train.
Strange to say, when they got into De-
troit, the dog was ahead-there was
nothing else left of him.
An anxious parent, whose son has al
ready mastered French, German, and
Italian, has determined on sending the
youth to Finland, in order to give the
Boys education just the little Finnish it
required.
Jones, of Vermont, said on his dying
bed that he had never written line
which he cared to erase. The whole
State was proud of him, but it was found
out that he could not even write his
name.
A bashful young clergyman recently
rising to preach for the first time, made
l terrible mix of it and announced his
text in this wise: "And immediately
.he cock wept, and Peter went out and
crew bitterly"
Everything goes wrong" said an II
inois farmer, wiping his eyes. 1.-The
L., L L..