The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-01-28
PUNGENT PARAGRAPHS.
HoP Notwithstanding masters.
A NATTER of form-Fitting a dress.

| HOP notwithstanding masters.
! A MATTER of form-Fitting a dress.
A NEW Y oRK auetioneer complains that
like EnOch Arden, he secs ''no sale from
day to day"
A YOUNG lady makes Shakespeare say
"An eye like ma S TO threaten and COM
mand."
In some of the new styles there is no
change. Poor relatives are cut the same
as last year.
A WESTERN writer has suddenly dis
covered that the kissing of girl who has
a cold nose produces funny feeling,
A MAN may be properly said to have
been drinking like a fish when he finds
that he has taken enough to make his bead
swim.
The only thing that it bothers a grass
hopper to swallow is four legged table.
A well developed hopper can worry IL
down, but the legs tickle his throat.
A WESTERN poet who had expressed a
wish to die ''amid the grand solitude OF
the eternal mountain-t0pS was killed
by the explosion of pint of cheap kero-
seEe. f rg
A YOUNG man living near St. Johns
bury, Vermont, who lately received from
a young lady gift,of an elaborate pen
wiper, is wearingit for necktie, evidtnuy
misunderstanding its use.
my name is Somerset, writes pun
ster. Il am a miserable bachelor. L can
not marry for how could | hope to pre-
! vail on any young lady, possessed of the
| slightest notion of -dellcacy, to turn a
Somerset?''
ATa printers festival, lately. the fol-
lowing toast was offered: Woman
second only to the Press in the dissenina-
| ton of news ~ The ladies are yet unde-
cided whether to regard this as cOmpll-
ment or otherwise. -
| CONVERSATION at breakfast table :
Smith" Amt John rather late in bring
ing the mail this morning p Jones"
guess there is something on the postal
cards that he don't understand. He's pro-
badly reading them over twice"
John, saw your cousin Isaac a few
weeks ago, and he had just received a fall
which cut most horrible cash in his arm. y
" All, poor fellow what did he fall on ~
s. Well, really. forget now but it rather
strikes me he fell on Tuesday morning. y
1T is reported that man went home at
about O'Clock Wednesday morning and
using his umbrella for a billiard cue
smote his sleeping wife in the short rib
! CRYING ''Pool !" and sunk into sweet
| slumber, He has since explained to his
wife that women can have no idea how
the cares of business will sometimes affect
a mans brain.
WHILE some negro steambOatmen were
! being paid off, the clerk iHquired of each
| ba
- VIII YOU write your name, or make an
X?'' The first one said he could write his
name, and the pen was handed to him
He looked at the pen, scrutiniZed the pay
roll, and hesitated so long that the clerk
poked him up. Let's see," unused the
darkey, as he looked up at the clock; . it;
now 10 o'clock, and as I've got to meet 9
feller at the City Hall at noon, L guess
won't write my name, but III put down
an X."-Detroit Free Press.
A LADY once consulted DIR. johnson OF
| the degree of turpitude to be attached t
her sons robbing an orchard. Madam,
said johnson, Eit all depends upon thu
weight of the boy. l remember ny
school-fellow, David Garrick, who wa
always little fellow, rObbing dozen o
orchards with impunity; but the very
| UrSI IlUt ClinlDtu u y slll ldpplc-lltt-i'l
was always heavy boy-the bOugh broke
with me, and it was called judgment.
suppose that is why justice is represented
with pair of scales ~
AN Irishman, arrested for highway rob
berry, on being brought before a magis
trate, asserted that he was more entitled tC
be pitied than than to be punished. "Pi
tiedp' exclaimed the justice, land on wha
account, pray ?" "Sure, on account o
my misfortune" 'YOur misfortune, in.
deed What! that we have caught you,
suppose? ?' "Oh, the jintleman that's
brought me here knows my misfortune
well enough" But the gentle
man was as astonished as tn,
magistrate himself, and as incapable Of
understanding the culprit's meaning
"Y GU will own, suppose" said his Wor
ship, d" that you stepped the gentleman
on the highway?' "Oh! yes, / did tha
same.'' . And that you took fiom him
| ESQ in bills?'' g And there your Honor:
right again. swell, then, you perplex
ing vagabOnd, what do you mean by yOul
misfortune ?" "Sure, and the money
wasn't in my pocket above week whiI
the drthy bank stopped payment, and
was robbed of iviry shillin'."