Middletown transcript., 1875-03-27
Uarieties.

State, and passed license law in its
stead.
How to tell whether a man is father
If you can see him al all, be is ap-
parent, but the fa( r)ther he is the less
apparent he will be.
There has been an immense muskrat
catch in the Northern portion Of Mime
sofa, and it has been perfect God-send
to the poor settlers this winter
"Shrouds!" exclaimed an old lady
who was listening to an old sea cap
tain's story; what do you have them
at sea for?" ITO bury dead ealns in.
madam"
"Chalk it up on lump Of ice" said
beat to an Albany barkeepsr the
other day. that will be sure to liquidate
the account when the Hext thaw comes.a
In the Canadian cities bsggars make
quite a living BY picking up ears which
have frszen and dropped of, and return
ing them to their rightful owners.
A Texas editor publishes phrsnologi-
cal charts Of his subscribers. and it il
noticeable that those who have paid
several years in advance have splendid
heads.
The Mont Gents tunnel cest about
1915 yard. and at the same rate the
proposed tunnel under the English
Channel would cost about SO. .036. 900.
A plunber conveys unnecessary in
formation to the public wheh he puts
on his sign the Legend "Cast Iron
Sinks" Everybody knows that.
Tom Hood anticipated modern crs-
mationists, when he said that he was
dying out Of charity to an undertaken
"who wished to urn q kvely Hood"
California papers tell Of the arrival
of spring in that favored region
Wild flowers dot plains. and wheat in
some localities stands three feet high.
A Chicago girl refused to be engaged
until her love first insured his life in
her favor. and then travelled abroad
for two years to improve his manners.
Ex-Governor Shepherd is described
by correspondents as ga man Of inn
menss physique" He did physique
the treasury immensely. certainly y.-&.
Louis Republican.
An English physician. during leo
ture to female audience on the use Of
alcoholic beverages, asserted that the
"babies of London are never sober from
their birth until they are weaned."
A burning gas we'll in Butler county
is said to make summer weather in ito
vicinity. Grass and trees near it are
springing into life. while beyond it
rsigus the desolatien of mid winter.
An enthusiastic lover who was told
by the loved one that she would marry
him if they had to live on bread and
water, suggested to her that if she
furnished the bread be would skrimish
around for the water.
When foreigner finds that plague
is word Of one syllable and ague
part of the plague is a werd Of TIVE. he
wishes that the plague might take one
half the English language and the ague
the other.
1t is better to have diploma from q
bogus medical college than to have
such genuine certificate As is possessed
by be whose friends always dub him
"Dr.," but put the title after instead
of before his name.
A Western editor having waited in
vain for the coming of the Mennonites,
inquired: where are all the Mennon-
ties ~ and echo in the shape Of his wife
repeated the question thus: "Where
are all you men s'nights?"
Decorations are plentiful in Berlin.
The German Grown Prince has no less
than 6fty-eight stars and crosses which
he is entitled to wear Prince Bismarck
has no less than forty; Counts Moltke
and Room have thirty-nine each.
Children with logical minds cannot
be persuaded to get up early in the
morning by being told that "ths early
bird catches the worm" They will
naturally consider that if the worm had
not been up he would not have been
caught.
The Milwaukee Sentinel thinks "it
is simply absurd to talk about . woman
being qualified to gil every position in
life that man fills. For instance,
what woman could lounge around the
stove in country grocery and lie about
the number Of 6sh she caught last
summer p
A Minnesota Judge, in prenouncing
the death seBtance, tenderly observed |;
"If guilty, you richly deserve the fate
that awaits you if innocent. it will be
a qualification Cor you to feel that you
were hanged without such crime on
your conscience /; in either case, you