Port Tobacco times, and Charles County advertiser. (Port Tobacco, Md.) 1845-1898, 1875-03-05
UNCLE HEB.
How the Old Man Died-Takfnx his
Last Luxury on Earth.

Turner, but everybody called him
"Heb." He must have passed his
sixtieth birthday, but no one cared to
look a second time to see if he was
growing old and wearing out. He
chored around livery stables and sa-
looms, always hungry and always rag
ged, and while no one was his friend he
had no enemies.
The other day he fell down in a faint
in saloon on the river road, and when
he was restored to consciousness he
startled the three or four men who had
placed him on the bed by exclaiming:
Boys, I'll be darned if l amt going
to die.n' :
No one had ever stopped to think
die. 1t was the general fmpr5Ass1toSS AS =
mong his acquaintances that he would
live along for three or four hundred
years.
GLOW do you feel::" they asked.
"Kinder trembly and weak" he re-
piled. ''I'll bet you fifty cents I'll
kick the bucket afore noonr
They offered to bring doctor, but
he said:
"No, don't take any trouble; tend
right to business as usual, and when
| kick the beam plant me quietly and
without any STYLE"
The men imagined that it was mere
weakness which would soon pass off,
and one of them sat down near him
while the others retired to go about
their business.
"It's tough weather for a funeralw
remarked Uncle Heb, as the fierce wind
howled around the house. at don't
make any difference how I'm carried
up; wouldn't know it if there were
sixteen hacks, and brass band; just
as lief go up alone with the driver"
After pause he smiled blandly,
and inquired:
They'll speak of me as the late
deceased won't they: Yes, of course.
| should like to read the papers to-
morrow and see what they say of me,
but | won't be here, you know"
"Have you any property to dispose
of" asked the watcher.
"Lemme see"' unused Uncle Heb.
"les, thar an extra pair of 5utes and
Il hat and about II cents in money. |
suppose the right way would be to
have executors pinted, but, as | said
before, don't want any fooling around.
You can divide up the estate between
you.
The old man was very pale and he
seemed to be suffering, and the watcher
was anxious to do something.
Il tell you,' replied Uncle Heb,
'.I'd like some brandy. Ifit wasn't
just us it is wouldn't put YOU to any
trouble, but being Im going away to
stay I'd like a few swallers of real peach
brandy-some of that in the fancy de-
canter.'
Some was brought him, and he
smacked his lips, smiled, and remark
ed:
"If l wasn't going to die I'd try and
lay in a quart or two of that brand"
After five or ten minutes more the
nurse asked him if he didn't feel bet
ter
"Feel better" echoed the old man,
show can a dying man feel better
Do you suppose I'd be foollng around
here if | wasn't going to expire:"'
The man sat down, and Uncle Heb
continued:
LAS soon as | go up the spout one
of you 60 to the poormaster and say:
'Mr. Willard, old Heb is dead; send Il
fellar down and plant him. That
will be as good rs a speech two hours
long. I'm sorry | was took sick here
but it wasn't my fault. You may &C
now."
The man went ont, thinking Uncle
Heb ont of his mind, and sat down
and played dominoes for an hour
Hearingno movementin the back room
he opened the door.
The old man was dead .-Detroil
! Free Press.