Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-08-19
A Sensitive Man.

JUST before noon yesterday Mr.. Jones
sat down on an empty barrel standing in
| front of liquor store on Michigan avenue
| and remarked that it was cheaper to lose
two dollars worth OF time waiting for the
car than to foot it nine blocks Mr. Jones
is long and lean, and doesn't weigh over
| $50 pounds. The barrel ought to have
held up two just like him, but as he wig
| gled around to secure an easy position the
| head fell in. Mr.. Jones fell in after the
head. 1t wasn't the best he could do, but
no time was given him to plan and pom
der, The first thing he knew after the
crash was finding his feet and ankles over
one side and his shoulders and head
Wedged against the opposite. His head
was bent forward until his neck was near
lY broken, his legs seemed to have been
driven up, and he was right where the
boys wanted him. He yelled out in smoth-
cred tones, and an aged lady who keeps
an intelligence office near the scene of the
accident looked down from her window
and called out:
Club, we don't want any such fooling
around herer'
"Bub be- blowed-lemme out-help!
heIp"' hoarse1y replied Mr.. Jones.
Oh! young man, you're on your way
to the gallows!" said the aged lady, and
she drew back from the window and
sighed
| Few people walk the streets at noon. and
Mr.. Jones yelled out many times before
| the grocer came out. He saw the feet
sticking up and he gave them rap with
potato masher and exclaimed:
You boys deserve kilIingn'
"l'm dying in here-help me Quit"
roared Jones'
"Ill die you, you old vagrant!" replied
| the grocer, seeing that the feet belonged to
man, and he gave the barrel a kick.
-Four or five boys came around the cor
ner, and when they discovered what was
up one of them recognized Mr.. Jones'
voice. Looking into the barrel he asked:
Is that you, Jones ~
1es-yes"' gasped Jones.
Are you doing well down there, Mr..
Jones?'
Oh! Heavens-lemme upr' cried the
| prisoner
Aren't you easy in your mind, Mr..
Jones?" inquired another boy.
Il tell you I am dyingn' shouted Jones,
as he tried to struggle around.
9 believe you are liar" replied the
grocer as he gave the BARRE shake.
When he was convinced that the man in
| the barrel was not vagrant or a beggar,
he set about helping him out. He tried to
| lift him up, but Jones yelled for mercy,
and the boys put in their talk and decided
that the barrel should be tipped over This
was done, and while the grocer went after
the Ratchet to knock the hoops off the boys
rolled Mr.. Jones up and down the walk
'to cool him off,
do you feel better now, Mr. Jones ~
| inquired one.
Have You cramps in the stomach, Mr.
Jones - asked a second.
"Do you really and truly want to get
out of that palace-car, Mr.. Jones?" asked
| a third
And Jones growled and took on and
tried to kick, and, as the boys rolled him
| along, he was heard making solemn VOW
that he would kill every boy in Detroit if
he ever got out of the barrel. The grocer
| finally came with his Ratchet, and as he
knocked at the hoops he said it was pity
to go and destroy a nice barrel like that in
| order to save one human life.
The slaves finally fell in and fell out
and Jones gave yell and scrambled up
ALI he's the man to play circus
| tricks!'' exclaimed one of the BOYS.
You bet he's the boss performerr'
| yelled another.
Mr.. Jones clawed around and tried to
get them, and, as he limped away, the aged
lady in the intelligence Office looked out
of the window and said:
If that man doesn't 90 around robbing
| clothes-lines, then I'm no judge of human
| naturer'-D Detroit Free Press.
AN Oregon man named his girl baby
| after Queen Victoria, and wrote the Queen
| to that effect She didn't seem to care
cent, and he changed the childs name to
Sal" and went out and pounded the first
| Eng liShman he met