The Hawaiian gazette. [volume] (Honolulu [Oahu, Hawaii]) 1865-1918, 1875-08-04
Variety.

better quarters is 10 take better half"
No, maam,' said jeweler to beautiful
lady, =" can't trust anybody these days. would
not even trust my feelings"
The Columbus Journal describing an Ohio pol
itlcian, says; a" he is an honest man by profes-
sion. aud he earns bis bread by the sweat Of his
jaw"
" What kind OF sassages is them ?" queried an
old lady Of the young man Of literature aud pea
nuts, as be passed through the train selling ba-
nAnas
An Illinois woman who wanted to 90 to q
masquerade party as Mary, Queen of Scots looked
through the bible to ascertain how the character
was dressed
Minnie, I'm in such quandry for If turn
my back on Charley, he becomes offended at
once, and if don't be can't see my new buckle
What shall / do ?"
Husband" said the wife Of young clergy
man, +" read me one of your sermons fee.
dreadfully wakelul to night, and l wish To Sleep
-CzeDeland Herald
Scene 10 a Western Restau rant; Entomologist
- Can you grill US a SidneyY' Waiter" No
sir" EutOuolOgist tmusingly)-" Grylus-a
grasshopper then
We have heard Of asking for bread and receiv-
ing stone, but a gentleman may be considered
as still worse treated when be asks for ady's
hand and receives her fathers foot
You remember Ida Lewis don't you-heroine
-hnndsOme-iamed Well, she weighs exactly
l6O pounds now, and TO see her trottng bald
headed baby as she peels the potatoes for dinner
takes all the romance away Exchange.
The Chicago Times man says that no newspa.
per man who spells its name with a hyphen
will go TO heaven. Six months from now, when
the Times is consolidated with the Inter- Ocean,
becoming the Chicago Inter o. Times, and the
writer Of the above assertion is fugitive and on
his way to st. Louis, he will remember how rash
ly be expressed himself-LouisUiHe Courier
Journal
A Griswold street fruit seller yesterday OBJ
served an old man pinching a cocoanut aud hand
ling it as if he had hold of an apple, and be
stepped TO the door aud asked Would you like
TO buy Q nutS" Wall, l thought some of it,"
replied the old man; but guess I'll wait till
they get a little softer-its coming on to the
sickly season and Teller ought to be careful
Detroit Free Press.
When the late Dr. Scudder Csenior) of India.
was arousing the children of America to care for
the heather, be received q note from little boy
who had heard him, saying, my dear DR.. Scud-
der send you ten cents. When you want any
more money, write TO me-"
A little boy accosted gentleman on the street
in Portland the other day with, Mister can you
fix things ?" 4" Well, don't know, can fix some
things. What is it ?" Can yon fix my collar 2
There's pin sticking into me, and our folks are
30 busy about the Centennial they can't do IT."
A lady was showing little Zaidee some pictures
Of birds, among which was a nightingale The
lady told Zaidee that it was bird which sang
beautifully in the night, adding. " We have no
nightingales in this country as they have in Eng
land" d" No. replied Zaidee promptly, " but we
have cats that sing in the night; 1 often hear
them
A little five year-old boy was being instructed
in morals by his grandmother. The old lady told
him that such terms as By goIly," By jingo,"
By thunder" ETC., were only little oaths, and
but little better than other profanity. In fact,
she said, be could tell prOfane oath by the pre-
fix "by" All such were oaths. "Well, then,
grandmother" said the little hopeful "is by
Telegraph which see in the newspapers swear
ingY" No" said the old lady, that's only
lying"
Two boys, packed away in sugar hogshead
behind one Of the stores yesterday, were heard !
talking as follows: First boy" So you have
to work in the garden, eh 2" Second boy" Yes |
and its just KILN me by inches l" First boy
see it is, but we can fx it, I'll come around
there tonight and hoe up all the cabbages, and |
you git up afOre daylight and pull up oil the
onions, and then well have good times all the
rest of the summer"-Detron Free Press.
Persons who are weary Of saying, How doth
the little busy bee," may try the following Chi
nese version:
Howl Sic belly small chiu-chin stngbug
Im-im impOve ebly sixty minnit all a time.
All kin places ilOun' Towels just got busted.
An chronological poet out in COaeyville, Kan
sas is inspired to the following, which outside of
its high pOetica merit, possesses great statistical
merits
"Should millions into millions multiplied be;
With million times ten million more,
'Twould scarcely represent q millioneth Of
The grasShoppers that pass our door"
The Grand Duke Alexis of Russia who once
paid America a visit has just spoiled little plan
that papa formed Of sending him out Of the coun-
try on long voyage. BY marrying the daughter
Of q wealthy baron, in defiance Of the law which
fOrbids the union Of prince Of the blood with
subjects. The old man" can't do anything
about It, however, for the naughty couple have
been united BY the formula Of the Greek church,
which allows no divorce, and they are spending
the honeymoon at Dresden, awaiting the abate-
ment OF the Cars wrath The brideis l9-beau-