davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

The Graphic is authority for the
statement that during the war Gen.
Tracy charged at the head of his
column on many bloody field, and
after the battle has often been seen
sitting under tree, combing the can
non balls out of his hair.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
yrcC2sSN & 95
FLOR Al q & 1 II n.
EOR 1878

Published Quarterly. January number
lust issued and contains over 100 pages
500 Engravings. descriptive of more than
500 Of our hest flowers and vegetables
with directions for Culture, Colorcd Plate
etc. The most useful and elegant work OF
the kind in the world. Only % cents for
the year Published in English and Ger
man. Address
JAMES WICK, Rochester, \. y.
dec 25-tf
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

Be NOT ashamed to confess that you
have been in the wrong. 1t is but
owning what you need not be ashamed
of-that you now have more sense than
you had before--to see your error !;
more humility to acknowledge it and
more grace to correct it.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
SPEECH OF ZACHARIAH SPICER'

va viz uueo1ioH, 'H'rh e''JNy "
greatest amount of happiness, the
bachelor or the married man p Mr.
Spicer took the stand and said:
Mr.. President and gentlemen-]
rise to advocate the cause of the mar
ried man. And why shouly | not
I claim to know something about the
institution, I do. Will any gentleman
pretend to say l do not? Let him ac.
company me home-let me confront
him with my wife and seventeen chill
dren and decide.
High as the Rocky Mountains tower
above the Mississippi Valley, does
the character of the married man tower
above the bachelor. What was Adam
before he became acquainted with
Eve? what but poor selfish creature,
No more 20 be compared with his a(-
ter self than mill dam with the great
roaring cataract Of the Niagara rapids
(Applause.)
Gentlemen, there was time when
7 blush to say it too was bach
elor and a more miserable person
you would hardly expect to find
Every day I toiled hard and at night
| came home to my comfortess gar
rett-no' carpet, no fire, no nothing.
Every thing was in a clutter, and III
the words Of the poet:
"Connlsion was monarch ofall surveyed" "
Here lay a pair Of old pants, there lay
an old pair of dirty boots, there an old
play bill and here a pile Of dirty
clothes. What wonder that I took
refuge at the gaming table and the
bar room. | found it would never
do, gentlemen, and in lucky moment
| vowed to reform. Scarcely had the
words passed my lips than there was
a knock at the door, and in came Su-
san Simphins after my clothes.
pa. hpiov.," a'ys ol.o, awe ""ol'
ed for YOU for six months, and | have
not vet seen tie first red cent as pay
ment. Now, ia like to know what
you are going to DO about it ~
Miss Simpkins, said |, "Its 40 use
denying it, l haven't got the pewter.
I wish, for your sake, had
"Then don't wash another rag for
You, was her prompt reply.
" Stop" said |, Il will do what |
can for you. Silver and gold have |
none; but if my heart and hand will
do, they are at your service.
Are you in earnest?' says she,
looking a little suspicious.
Never more go, said.
"Than," said she, as there seems
to be no other way Of getting my pay
I guess I'll take UP with your offer. y
Enough said. We were married in
a week ; and whats more, we haven t
had cause to relent. No more attics
for me, gentlemen | live in good
house and have somebody to mend my
clothes. When l was poor misera-
bic bachelor, gentlemen, | was as thin
as weasel. Now ] am as plump as
a porker.
In conclusion, gentlemen, if you
want to be a poor, ragged fellow, with
perhaps not a coat to your back, or a
deacent pair of shoes to your feet; II
you want to grow old before your time,
and as uncomfortable generally as a
"hedge hog rolled the wrong way" |
advise you to remain an old bachelor;
but if you want to live deacently and
respectfully, get married. I've got
ten daughters, gentlemen, (overpow
oring applause) and you may have
your pick.
Mr. Spicer sat down amidst long
continued plaudlts. The generous
proposal with which he concluded
secured him five sons-in-law.
A CONTEMPORARY asks: "What are
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
AGENT.

have made arrangements Ivy winch
can furnish almost any kind of Machincr.
at the lowest price, and beg tha1 my
friends will purchase through me.
march 14-if
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

AN Irishman tells us of a fight in
which there was only one whole nose
left in the crowd, land that belonged
TO the tea-kittle.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

A YOUNG lady while out walking
heard for the first time, her mother S
intention to marry again, and she
was obliged to sit right down and cry
about it. She could not 50 step
f,thnr
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

DANIEL Boone's rifles, it is said,
number lS6 thus far, with four States
yet to hear from. His powder horns
last fill barn.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
"CATOCTIN CLARION
A WEEKLY NEWSPAPER


Containing carefully prepared abstract
Of the News of the Day; a Historical
sketch Of Past Events in Frederick county,
Foreign and Domestic Intelligence; Topics
If the Times; carefully prepared Markets;
items of Interest, political or otherwise
Local Intelligence, and rare selection OF
instructive Reading.
TERMs-$1 so in advance; 81 % at the
end Of the year.
tB Single copies-5 cents.
RATES OF ADVERTISING
Transient Advertisements to be paid for
Invariably in advance.
Que Square, four insertions or less 81 30
each subsequent inscr. 81
two months 90
three months: so
" six months 0O
ono year "
Twelve lines constitute square
TT A liberal deduction made to yearly
advertisers. ~
~ Local or special notices Ten cents
line.
JOB PRINTING executed with neat
ness and dispatch, and on liberal terms
Materials ali new and good impression
guaranteed. ,,,,n,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

THE time for patience is when your
hat blows off in the street, and your
eyes are too full Of dirt to see which
way it goes.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

AN Irishman went into gin mill
in Louisville, took q drink, came out.
He stood few minutes, when, "thlngs
commenced workin'.' lie grabbed
his stomach, twisted his face out Of
shape, rushed back into the gin mill,
and shouted to the bartender "Say,
I axel ye for whisky, an ye gave me
the wrong bottle hand me barrel o
water, until | pour it down an drown
the torch light procession that's goin'
through me this bllssid mint. Och !
murthcr, I'm on fire !" and they put
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
Potatoes Potatoes!

TNARLY ROSE AND PEERLESS
IIPotatoes for sale at the store OF
ROOT & G0FF.
rpr9 4W
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

MACAULAY's MoTHER.--Lord Ma
caulay, the great essayist and his
torian, wrote these words:
"Chrildren, look in those eyes, listen
to that dear voice, notice the feeling
of even single touch that's bestowed
upon you by that gentle hand Make
much of 1t while yet you have that
most precious Of all good gifts--a
loving mother. Read the unfathom-
able love of those eyes the kind
anxiety Of that tone and look how
ever slight your pain. In after-life
you may have friends-fond dear kind
friends; but never will you have again
the inexpressible love and gentleness
lavished upon you which none but q
mother bestows. Often do | sigh in
my struggles with the hard, uncaring
world, for the sweet, deep security |
felt when, of an evening, nesting in
her bosom, I listened to some quiet
tale, suitable to my age, read in her
tender and untiring voice. Never
can I forget her sweet glances cast
upon me when I appeared asleep
never her kiss Of peace at night
Years have passe away since we laid
her beside my father in the old church
yard yet still her voice whispers from
the grave, and her eyes watch over
me as | visit spots long since hallowed
to the memory Of my mother. "
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

A good line Of business-the fish
line.
Back -blters- meas.
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

o, lead my infant feet to walk
Into the spelling school;
Let other children snecr and laugh
At photographic rule.
But me that hettcrWay still lead
Iillpertcctly | spell;
So may | shun .hc path that leads
10 where Josh Billings fell,
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21

The following is one Of the sweet
little ditties Of the Western spelling
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
FRED ERICK w Il

FRED ERIC X W HI I f.,
Justicc oftllc Peace and Coll
ICctOr,
WILL attend 30 all business entrusted I"
nim with promptncss and fidelity.
EW- Ollicc for the present in DIR. White
Office near the square.
Mcchoucstown, Md. July 12.r
Catoctin clarion. [volume] (Mechanicstown, Md.) 1871-1940, 1875-05-21
DR., GEO. M. zi I'M MER M All

TINHANKFUL for past favors, offers M
| professional services to the citizens"
Mcclancslown and vicinity.
Office and residence, South Water st.
dec Stf
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

he was a lodger i'll an unpretentous board
ing house.. in Brooklyn, and for several days
the landlady's daughter, a sentimental old la
dy of thirty-fve, had leased him to write
something in her album. ne at length con-
sented, and penned the following I" As the
hostility to dogs diminishes, the quality Of
hash improves. f" An explanation was added
in these words Z" / never could make rhymes,
Miss Giles, and when Lwrite poetry have to
express it in prose-" $50. ..,.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29
MISCELLANY


ASENsIpLE RESOLVE. Did You ever hear,
sir, how it was that Edwards, the mason gave
up drinling9 said working man to his en-
ployer one day, when he was talking about
theevils Of intemperance.
No. said the latter! how was it?z
well, one day Edwards, was, drinking in a
rublichouse, Overwhelmingly wife came to
callher husband to dinner
What's for dinners' said the man.
Roast goose, replied his wife.
Is there apple sauce? he asked.
NO.
Well, go and make some I don't eat
goose without apple sauce
Edwards was so impressed with the scene
he had witnessed, when the woman left to
prepare this delicacy, fiat for the first time
in his life, lie began to think what a fool he
had been. ~
Here's this man, he said TO himself,
can't eat his dinner Of roast goose without
apple sauce, while my poor wife and children
at home are glad to get herring for their
dinners, and very oftensnot that Whose
money, should like to know, goes to provide
this fellow with his good things? Mine, and
that of other fools like me. Well, what's
done can't be undone. Its no use crying over
split milk, but that fellow shan't dine off
roast goose at my expense
So he paid his reckoning, and walked out
of that public house, never to enter it sgsin.
Lccturing before. the British Theological
= .-FF
Institute, recently, 1Anpon the great clock at
Westminster, Sir Edmund Beckett stated
that the winding-up of the going part takes
ten minutes, but the winding up of the strik-
ing parasitic quarter part and the hour part
takes five hours each, and this has to be
be done twice week. The contract cost of
winding up the clock is 9100 a year, The err
ror Of the clock amounts to only one second
for eighty-three days in the year, and there is
no other clock in the world of which the same
may be said. 1t was commonly supposed that
the clock was kept right by galvanic action
with the observatory at Greenwich; but this
iSnot so. What it does is ths--it reports it.
self at Greenwich twice every day and there
are return signals. The weight Of the pend,s-
lum is $50 pounds, and it can be accelerated a |
second day by putting on an ounce weight.
The rules of politeness are never at vasi-
ance with the rules of morality. Whatever
is really impolite is really immoral. We have
no right to deal with or be influenced by gDs-
sips about the people we meet. Their private
affairs are none Of our business. five believe
man to be unfit company for us, weamust
not invite him but if we meet him where he
has been invited by others, we must treat him
with ciyility. five know a man or woman
tobe a great offender, we cannot use that
knowledge to injure him or her without it be
absolutely needed for the protection of others.
The greatest and best men of the world have
been assaied by ealumny. The purest and
noblest do not escape it. We cannot investi-
gate-as rule we must disregard
In all cases we must give every one the bene-
fit of a doubt apply charitable constructions,
hope for the best, and consider every one in-
nocent until he is proven guilty.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

With all the hue and cry about the ill-health
Of American women, the statement is made
by the president of life insurance company
that it is fact that women live longer in this
country than in any other. They are less ro-
bust and muscular than the women Of other
nations Bat tlieir tenacity of life is strong,
and their constitutions are sufficiently endur-
ing to keep them alive considerably longer
than their appearance. as a generals thing,
would warrant.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

It is hardly necessary to tellthe name of
the facetious party who went into dry goods
looking about, when the proprietor remarked
TO him that they didn't keep whiskey. "It
would save you good many steps. If You
did, y was the strangers quick reply.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

The London Builder recommends people
who transplant to mark the north side of each
tree with red chalk before it is taken up, and
replaced in its natural position. A larger pro-
portion win then live, as, in ignoring this law
of nature, transplanted' trees generally per-
ish. " s
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

The Lowest Premium is So. 10.
Each Fraction must draw this
All Fractions will be good with $500 to purchase
whole 5000 Bond.
This chance for fortune, and chance for loss.
$40 Bond participates in four drawings each year,
until 1t has drawn one of the following premiums,
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

method of covering cotton with silk has
been devised. The silk is dissolved in hydro
chloric acid or an anlmoniaoal solution begins
to cloud, when the cotton previously NOR
danted, is immersed init for few minutes.
When taken out, it Win bo found to be plated
with silk.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

The Warren county Democracy have re-
solved to adopt the convention plan Of max
ing nominations by delegates voting gira
core.
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

ALL WELL.--A. resident who reached De-
troit by uooir train yesterday. after- an aD-
sence of two weeks WAS met at the depot by
his eight zee. old son, who loudly welcomed
himrars
4-sz- And is everybody well, Willie?" asked
his father.
THE wellcst kind, replied the boy.
'tAnd nothing has happened !? y
''Nothing at ALL I've been good Jennie's
been good, and never saw ma behave her
self so well as she has this time.n
The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-12-29

Buggins thinks thatidynamitei = contrac.
ion for die any minutes.
The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-10-09
WIT AND WISDOM.

If rocks ever bled, they would bleed
quartz. Ddnbury Nc'cs.
II you wish to enjoy constitutional lib
erty, don't wear a pull-back dress.
An Aberdeen girl supposes that the rea-
son she has never kIndled a flame III any
mans heart is because she Is not a good
match.
1t is stated that the Philadelphia con
| fectloner who advertised Centennial
| Kisses can't sell any. They are too old.
The l6-laIs are preferred by men Of taste.
| A Baltimore servant girl the other morn
ing tried that good old rme-honored plan
of lighting the kitchen fire with kerosene.
| Nothing has benzine of her SINCE
my articles 40 not receive 4 very warm
reception of late. ''Our tair currespon
dent is mistaken" replied the editor
they meet w:th the warmest reception
| possible. We burn them all.
A London dentists circular says that, AS
a general thing, only men Of culture 20
INTO the tooth -dra~lng profession. And
| yet it must be admitted that many of them
are not men Of gentle extraction.
"Yuu never saw my hands a. dirty as
| that, said mother r,proachfnlly yestrr-
| day to her little eight year-old girl. Cause
| never see you when YOU was little girl,
was the prompt answer.
Your always Oft at nights, Leander,
said Mrs. Spllklns reproachfully the other
evening Yes, my dear, replied Spil-
kins You'll remember even when | first
proposed, you considered me pretty good
| offer.
When a man Wants plug ut tobacco the
! grocery three faurths of a mile oft Is unly e.
step, but II his wife wants drink of cool
water from Il neIghburs well opposite, by
some mysterious agency thst we'd suddenly
| becomes removed more than halt mile
away
said a distinguished politician to his son
Look at me- h,gau a. a alderman,
and here am al the top 81 the tree and
what Is nv reward Why when | die,
my son will be the greatest rascal IN the
city. To this the young hopeful replied
Yes, dad when YOU dtr but not TIL
/ then. '- Dutburg Ne,r,
A man rushed breathlessly into Law
yers office IN st. Paul, ami approached
the legal lumlnary, excitediy remarked
"A man has tied hoop TO my horse ; tan.
Can / do anything p Yes, replied the
attorney go and unite IT. This was
good advice, and only cost the man -.
Archduke Maxlmihan, II Bavaria, went
recently To Vienna % visit his daughter
the Empress Of Austria. H. always travels
quietly. and was mistaken for a business
man by laxative Austrian tradesmau
who occupied the same compartment IN the
tram, and who, after telling all about his
own affairs asked the Archiuke where he
Vas going. Going u Vienna ron
business Z "ND, ID visit INV daughter,
Who married an Austrian Is your son.
n-law III good business n "Wvll. tnlera-
| bly, good, but troublesome "a times
Nv hat Is he p The Emperor. The
tradesman Vas covered wuh confusion,
and, notwithstanding the laughing prutes
tations Of the Archduke, he dartrd from
the carriage at the VERY first stopping
place
The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-10-09

sist from working IN the mines at the re-
duced rate. This was perfectly legal
The commonwealth had attempted to es-
tabllsh that the defendants, as officers Of
the miners national union, were consplra
tors, ex -uthclo, but the constitution and by
laws 81 the association negstIved this
charge and show, thai the policy Of the
association was To discuuntenance strikes,
except as a deuirr resort, AMI that when
rrs"rted to they should be confined to
mere su pension If work and all violence
should be avoided The conduct Of Siney
and Parks Was clearly within this uudoubt-
"a right, and All the evidence established
that this Was Pcacrablr exercise Of right
AZ contradistlngushe from a turbulent,
drunken Or Jissrlute disturbance Of the
peace, nothing having been done which
the Law did not authorize.
The argument to the Jury viii be made
by r. ". Hughes for the defence and Sen
atur Wallace Tor the commonwealth.
The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-10-09
Odd Fish

Frogs, toads aud srrpyuts never take
any food but that which they are satisfied
Is alive.
If bee, wasp Or hornet stiugs. it y
nearly always AZ the expense u hls life.
Turtles dig holes IN the sand by the sea
shore and bury their eggs, leaving them TO
be Matched by the sun
HOLSTERS are very pu.nacious, and fight
severe battles. If they lose a claw another
grows ont.
Naturalists say that 4 single swallow
will devour six Thousand flies day.
The tarantuIa Of Texas Is nothing more
than an enormous spider.
a single Goldfish produces more than q
million eggs III one season.
4 VIII ale sucklcs its young, ana l. there
fore not a tish. The mothers affection ~
remarkable.
Toads become torpid il winter ana hide
themselves, taking no food far five or SIX
months.
Serpents Of all species shed their skiing
annually, Il k se-crabs ana Holsters
Turtles and tortoiscs have. th-i skele
tons partly outside of. instead " within
the body.
1t is believed that crocpdil,s live VI be
hundreds of years old The ancient
Egyptians embalmei them
In South America there is Il urslific hon
ey bee hat has not been furnished with a
sung.
In the darkest night fishes pursue their
usual movements the SANE ~ by day
light.
Serpents never feed un anything hut
animal food, which they themsclve, put
death OF swallow alive
Seals ar As intelligent as dogs. ani may
be made ~ perform many tricks lke
them.
TIE bead WI y rattlssnakg -a.,
tnc.N!. -t. a,hicl 4 fatal wound Altar t..n.
separate from the body
If the eye of newt is pu- out another
perfect eye is soon supplied by rapid
growth
Fishes have no eyelids, and necessarily
sleep With eyes open.
Alligators fall into lethargic sleep dur
ing the winter. like toad.
There are agricultural ants in Texas that
actually plant grain and reap before the
harvest
The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-10-09

nishing Sufficient money at low interest, will
solve the question Of cheap transpor alton
beeauseit will tn railroads and car
rying trades to relieve themselves Of their
loads Of debt, lower theiI rates, and enable
the people to construct additional lines when.
ever internal commerce may require.
A. 1t is the duty Of the Government, in
all its legislation, to keep in view the full de-
yelopment of the agricultural and mineral
resources OF our country and its manutactur-
ing interests.
s. That the great interests of productive
industry claim their Just recognition at the
hands of the Government, and through the
monetary system here proposed all these IN
terests can be fully secured.
8. That as the public domain Is the right
full heritage Of the people, II should not be
distributed to spectators or corporations but
reserved for actual settlers.
!. That it is the DUTY of the Government
to equalize the bounties of soldiers, and t.
bring To a speedy settlement all other Just
claims arising out Of the late war.
5. All rights, privileges and immunlties
recognized by the Government should be
based on the fact Of citizenship equal rights
before the Law being secured by the constitu-
ton.
9 That we demand and insist upon severe
retrenchment and economy in all branches OF
the public SERVICE.
10 The rtlers and harbors being under
the jurisdiction OF the Government. should
be by it improved when necessary to the
commerce Of the people.
H. Through the monetary system herein
proposed, there will be established between
the citizens Of this country, East, West,
North and South firm and lasting bond OF
union, by giving a common interest IN a com
muu Government, and bringing peace and
prosperity to each and all Of its inhabitants
Il. As all special privileges, lmmunitie'
and powers conferred On corporations 81 any
kind or nature are granted at the expense o.
the people, these privileges and powers must
be held subordinate 10 the rights Of the
people, and subject to the supervision and
control of the power creating them.