The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-06-26
BUDGET OF FUN.
!
from TOBY'S SCRAP BOOK.

FROM TOBYs SCRAP BOOK.
ELL HAWKINS Cook STovE.-One day
last week--lt was one of those damp, sultry
days-Bill HAWKINS cook stove absolutely
refused TO draw. 1t was wash day, and Mrs
Hawkins had fused and fused with the fire
until all her patience was exhausted. Her
hands and face and neck were black with
SCOT, still the fire wouldn't burn. Bill had
tried his utmost skill He had been on MS
hands and knees poking up the black Goals
had blown into the stove door until his
head whirled, and his face was daubed over
with sweat and lampblack; but all to no pur'
pose. The stove doggedly refused to draw,
and the fire to burn. The pipe was clogged
up with SCOT, and there seemed no alterna-
tive but TO take it down and clean 1t out. FIN
ally Bill thought of powder. lie had seen
il used in similar cases and knew no reason
why it wouldn't be just the thing now. So he
got his powderhorn and fixed up charge
good one He was determined there should
be no failure. A full ounce Of rife powder
was rolled up in paper and deposited in the
stove. Then some shavings. A match was
applied A wash boiler full Of water was on
the stove; a tea-kette and pot of dishwater
IN front Just as the shavings got fairly to
burning Mrs. Hawkins came into the kitchen.
well William asked she, "how is the
f. bang! went the stove. Bill went
heels over head into the sink Mrs. Hawkins
disappeared with a scream IN cloud of
nd la. +Ia oh lAi lpIr N
the pantry the tea-kettie went whizzing into
the refrigerator, and the dishwater came
dripping from all parts Of the ceiling. Bill
Hawkins never answered his wife's question,
but next day Mrs. Hawkins had her kitchen
rccalciminCd; and Bill put on pair Of blue
goggles besides some sticking plasters and
cloths around his head and went TO the foun-
dry for new top to his stove, He, however,
insists that the stoYc draws well now and that
the powder did the work, but thinks trather
too severe drug 10 physic stove with.
THE PARsoN's PET.-Our village parson
had pet squirrel. 1t was full Of cunning
tricks, and everybody who visited the par
sonage had some pretty remarks to make
about tue dear little creature. One day Dea-
con Simple called. He, 100, thought the
squirrel was SPLENDID. 1t was so coy sol
graceful He put his fingers through the
wires of The cage to gently stroke It's limo
cent head. That moment the Deacon forgot
that he had been born AGAIN He has car
ried his hand in a sling ever since, and
Mrs Simple is much alarmed at his back
81, ;,.;t ha p'5l
pet squirrel is alluded to.
OLD JOE GRAINS FISHING PAETY.-One
day old Joe Grain made up IA fishing party
for few choice friends, from indianapolis,
who were visiting at his splendid residence
near the Wabash. He had made every pro
vision for the comfort of his guests, not even
forgetting the ''little brown jug" After ar
irving on the banks of the river, 1T being
very hot day. the party sat down IN the shade |
and refreshed themselves from old Joes bas- .
kets. The hooks w&re then got ready and all .
went 20 work, each man selecting his place. .
Old Joe seated himself on log one end of
which rested on the shore and the other eX-
tended into the river In a few moments Joe
noticed his line moving up stream lie rose
TO his feet and began to pull; but the mon
ster that had hold of his hook was too much |
for him. Steadily up stream il went detying
all his efforts to the contrary. The line was
soon all paid out and the pole brou GIT down |
almost to level with the water. Still he !
found it impossible to check the steady move
ment of the "blarsted critter" that had tas-
tened to his hook. The case was becoming
desperate. He spurned the idea of giving
up his pole and line. SO he made another
powerful effort to bring the monster to- when
the log rolled from under his feet and Joe
went sprawling into the water. After con
siderable struggling lie reached the shore
spouting and blowing like scared porpoise,
where, to his great surprise, he discovered .
that his hook had got fast to something and
that instead of its moving up stream the log
he was sitting on had become detached and
was steadily drifting down stream. Since
then old Joe Grain always sets them up /
when his fishing party : alluded to.
A young swell asked anan urchn who
stood in front of the postofice smoking
cigar, "How old are you, bub?" "Ole 'nuf
to be yer dad How do you make that OUT
asked the swell, Case ives got as big calf
noryou, an the old cow haC him since l wears
trowsers.' replied the boy. r.
-
While stopping over night at a farm house