Richland beacon., 1875-01-30
SpICE-BOX,

X. X was surprised to hear an Omaha
man call him Mr.. King.
Elij,h was not a vain man. yet history
relates that he was taken up with h> clothes.
Clark,viln mau ha> written a life of the
devil. The last three chapters comprise
ten years bingrahy OF hi, mo,her-il-law.
There i a vile nyporrire in Bethlehem,
Pa He actually entertained company III
honor uf the anniversary of the bI,thday Of
la, morhcr-n law.
\ Memphis, Mo. linn reports little
Charley Il J., ..ail huuk la Paradise He's
happier there where kati, Emg can show
him all the nee tilih., Nj Owen gave her.
And now they say Within Penn would
sit down under Tree. with Indians about him.
and, telling them al he hcrer world beyond
the sea, deal himself four aces ami win the
game.
Life will seem brighter wncn il j. known
that the Gar Of all the Rls-an- picks his
teeth with Jick-knif', ami is abJu' 60
/ crazy Ike some of the rest Of us.
Reading the great Surgeons declaration,
A cigar is thing 10 thank God for, a Navy
Yard school boy bought a cigar. He was
afterwards seen hanging over fence, but he
was not giving thanks.
A colored gen. 'eman went to consult one
of the most hight toned lawyers in Boston,
and after stating his case said: Now | knows
yous lawyer but wish yon would please,
sar, jiss tell me the truii boat dat matter"
A Milwaukee dramatic critic tells how one
or the star- was pretty cffectually stuffed with
the back of a chair" Though he had in his
pocket dcahhead season ticket. he deter
mined that for once he would iearlessly give
the truth.
The Prefcct Of TeinTein. the port Of Pc
king, China, whose salary was $500 per
annum, has just retired, after four years ser
vice, on a fortune OF S750,Oo0. He displayed
thrift, and Industry equal to the average Ameri
can office holder.
There is eruif old parry who lives oppo-
site to a church where the members of the
choir meet twice a week to practice, and who
says if the singing affects Heaven, as it affects
him, there II be no uso Of going there for
happiness.
A Thomas street school boy had just got
other. when a SNOW Lall hit hirE in the mouth
and so confused him that he yelled: "Bill
Sykes. just do that agin and III chaw your
ear off,
A good little boy on Hoyne street, aids to
clorhe and feed his widowed mother by theat-
ening to peg stones at the little girls as they
are going to school, unless they pay him
penny a day His ambition " hen he grows
mp is Ito be policeman. "-Chicago Tribune.
Now them" said physician. cheerily, to
a patient, ''you have got along far enough TO
| indulge in a little animal food, and" No
| you don't, Doctor interrupted the patient !;
"Ive suffered enough on your cruel and slops,
and Id starvc sooner than begin on hay and
OATS
When Alexander H. Stephens passes a
| Washington undertakers establishment, the
| proprietor always comes to the door, takes Il
long, lingering look at the shadowy form OF
the great paragraphist aud then returns TO
wonder at the mysterious ways Of Providence.
B kiyn Argus.
! Girls should be warned Of the danger they
run in marrying railroad brakemen. An en-
tlIusiastic member of that fraternity, on being
Il" Tile OllltE lll1Ut lIOiil VI
impending crash by "A train, found himself
sitting up in bed, holding his wife by the ears,
having nearly twistet her head oil in his
frantic efforts TO down brakes
An old lady i'm town has become disguised
with amanacs. She says if all the people
in the country were TO stop buying ananacs,
maybe the printers who make 'em would
put'in some total ecIses OF the sun and
moon and some transirs of Venuses that would
be visible here. c.''-Norris.oWa Herald.
The owner ola Nashville street railroad
trieL to ride on one of his cars last week for
nothing, and the driver "bouuced' hun. The
driver, who had read tina; story about the great
warrior and the inliexible sentinel, expected
to be promoted. but is now looking for job.
-Louisriiie Commereiate~x
A gentleman. willie waking in his garden,
caughr hIs gardener asleep under a Tee. He
scolded him soundIy for his laziness, and
ended by telling him such s!usgard was not
worthy TO enjoy the light Of the sun. 1T was
that reason exactly" said the gardener, that
| crept up into the shade"
We are told that the late Mayor Haveme-
yer used to take exercise by saving wood in
Ills CclldT every anu IidNCtI-
eyer, il will be rcmemi ered died very sud-
den. There ale very few sudden deaths
among married men of Norristown from this
cause. That sort of exercise is taken by their
wives-N iowa Herald.
A near-sighied man was riding ia a Wood.
ward avenue car the other day, when lady
opposite bowed to him. He returned the
bow, raised his hat, smiled sweciy, and was
just wondering who slIe va :, when she came
over and whispered III his ear: oh! III fix
you for this, old man p Then he knew /
was lis wife.-Delroa Press.
II is a hard winter, but the price of ostrich
tips confines panicy-or, rather, there Is al
ways panic III the house that chrri-ies Il
desire for them without realizing from il.
When the question comes up Bread or f'a'h-
| ers: it is a good deal as it was with the bpy
when asked which of his demands WAS the
most imperauve-"Never mind the shoes
dad, he replied, 81 must have the Lreas.PiEr
-Norrieh aurora.
A Detroit insurance agent hired boy the
other day to mind his Office, aud went TO din
uer leaving the youth in charge. When lie
returned he found thai the had had whiitl d
one Of the table legs almost in two and dis
sected the cushion Of the swinging clair. He
was greatly annoyed aud spoke sharply,
when the boy burst iuto tears and replied:
"lf yon don want To let feler take any
comf,r IN going to leave! -De.roi, Press.
A gentleman was looking into the window
of a toy store the other day, when two boys
halted, and one remarked Say, Jim, don't
you wish we had ten cents to buy present
for our poor lame sister2" Jim replied that
he did, and the gentleman pulled out a shin
plaster and said he was glad to be able to
assist them in such praswouhy enterprise.
He met the same boys half an hour after