The Somerset press. [volume] (Somerset, Ohio) 1873-1977, 1875-07-23
LIVING on THE OLD MAN.
How a Rhode Island Farmer "Fit''
His Sens for College and FOand
Them Fit for Nothing.

mencement season:
MIsTUR ED TUR: / haint no edica-
tion, and | thank God fer it-Gov. Lip
pitt said in his Kollege speech that edi-
cation paid better than mortgage at six
per cent.
Governor Lippit, ask You, have you
got such things as three highly edicated
sons on your hands, what cant supp it
themselves, and all living on the old
man! You know you haint, and as |
have, guess know as much about
this education matter as you do. cuss
the day when liturray ambition bpke
out in my family-I fit three sons to
Kollege, and if had not had one left to
stay on the farm and work with me, we
should ali on us be takin deep interest
in the annual appropriations for the
poor of the town.
My Silas studied law. and all the
write he has yet seen, has been on
hisself. He has to sware out of Jail
three times a week, regular trips he
makes, Monday, Wednesday and Friday
| like the Rhode Island from Stonington
He hes got as purity little Orfce as ever
Byrons, and all them great Jurists ranged
on shelves the portraits of Rufus Chote
and that gurl what dances so good at the
! Theatur, hung up on the walls. We
furnish him with all those necessaries ot
the legal profession, and although he
smokes and drinks beer. and does all 9
young lawyer ought to do to win conf
dence and public esteem, it is all no go
He belongs to ten secret societies, and
| tell him wish to God he'd jine one &c
secret that his creditors could not nnc
him.
He buys all his tobacker in my name
for fear of its getting attached, and al
for his beer, he drinks up five doIIer,
worth at a time. and then swears righ
out nv it. He is gettin low-spiriteG
now, and says that all the Blackstone hi
wants to know ahout is in the Blackstone
river, with big stone tied to his heels
which made his mot her cry, but i told
him he was NV age, and had no con
trole over him.
Poor Silas when he graduated at koI
lege, his oration was on "A classical edi
cation indispensable to suckeess in
life"
His mother and / cried in the Baptis
Church when We heerd him deliver it
we didn' know what for then, but have
since found it. tell Silas that the onlX
chance ! see ahead for him Is TO take &c
drink strong, then reform, and may be
the temprance folks will shove him a.
long to keep him moral and steady.
My t'other boy, Ezra, studied for TO be
a doctor. The first case he had was
Hawkins, that was gored so badly by
Olney's big bull. Hawkins had six
stiff horns aboard of his own afore the
bull muxed with him, which made il
bad case. Ezra wanted to be sure
so he gave him all the medicine lie had
on hand at once. Just as Hawkins wa,
a dying, he writ an AFFIDAVIT that the
treatment he received from the Bull wal
generous and humane compared witt
that of his Doctor. Hawkins widow
sued for malpractice, and her lawyer told
the jury that NJ. D. stood for mnrdurui
doses, and that Ezra was drunk, and tha
he was Doctor Of many drams and few
seru&les. At this joke the Judge anc
jury larfed like split, and they gin BIZ
verdict agin Ezra, and he had to run of
to Californy.
He drors small d RATS on me often. 8,
we know he is alive, which is more of
comfort to his mother than to myseli
When Ezra graduated his orashun. WI
on "Knollege Protecshun Against tn
Kalamities nv life." His mother and
kried out loud then, but we have sine
found out why.
But the saddest case NV all was on
: poor little Calvin. At the time whel
=. unthinking youths ale spent in laying
stone walls or hoein' corn. Calvin WI
seriously thinkin' Nv the more importer
WORK Nv savin' soles. He entered kol
lege and WIZ finely settled over larg,
+ parish at Hileburn Woods.
For few years things went smuthe
He not only saved soles, but he meekl
f accepted his portion of the trials AM
discipline of life by getting married an
raising up little family of souls of hi
own manufacture.
Then his parish got tired of him an,
told him to quit, and they turned him oI
as they do ministers, BY passing lot O
resolutions about the pain it give to sun
D der such tender and hailed ties.
He and his hull family come home t.
us, and arter we got about used up witt
them. got Calvin's life insured for al
| could, and he sailed ten months ago a
commissioner to lot of ferocious cani
balls. have prepared my mind to Sc
soon from the king Of the tribe a lette
something like this:
"MY DEAR SIR: Your son Calvin al
| EbSeu III SOpO cOUOltlOn. " nile we re
greet to state that he disappointed us al
: sadly in regard to the amount of gravy
it gives me pleasure to add that he wa
tender and small boned. Should an
other member of you estimable famil
. feel inclined to Christianize us, send hir
along. We can stand it as long as yo
can"
Poor Calvin's orashun was on eth
final results of the missionary enter
prise"
Ny other sOn was not edicated, an
> has sta'd on the farm, and ia the supper
and comfort of our declining years. II
is so ignorant that be thinks the Ne,
York Weekly is the ablert paper in th
world. and the prevailing impression o
d his mind is that William the Conquero
took an active part in burning the Ga,
pee.
For all that. he can support himrel