The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-05-06
Miscellaneous.
Back biters-heas.

Back k-biters-heas.
A maiden" speech-Yes.
Tea for the gossipers' tables-T. I.
Shades of night-window curtains.
What is always offered at cost?-the
law.
nerals Black kids.
Self-made men are very apt to worship
their maker
Time is money, and many people pay
their debts with it.
A depraved punster says he shall smoke
if he chews too.
Retiring early at night will surely
shorten mans days.
The only way young lady could spell
molten" recently, was-M-o-u-lt-o-n.
nature that they will not put head ON
their editorials.
A close observer says that the words
which ladies are fondest of are the first
and last words.
A dressmaker's apprentice speaks of
her cross-eyed lover, as the fellow whose
looks are cut bias.
The one thing needful for the perfect
enjoyment of love is confdence-same
with hash and sausages.
A bright boy recently told his teacher
there were three sects; the male sect,
the female sect, and insects.
baby in Milwaukee, Wis, has been
christened Zero" in honor of the cold
Sunday upon which he was born.
A Chicago deputy sheriff was refused
free admission to Chicago theatre. By
way of revenge he impanelled the man
ager on petit jury.
The spelling schools that are spreading
all over Ohio are said to have demon
strated the fact that a woman can spell
five times better than a man.
Pleasant-faced people are generally the
most welcome, but the auctioneer is al
ways glad to see a man whose counten-
ance is for bidding.
A printer, hard of hearing, at a SPELL
ing match the other evening asked the
Captain to write the darned word down
so fellow can tell what tis.''
A handkerchief of William Penn is to
be on exhibition at the Centennial, and
a curious correspondent writes to ask if
it is the original Penn wiper.
A newspaper biographer trying to say
his subject twas hardly able to bear the
demise of his wife" was made by the in
exorable printer to say, wear the chemise
of his wife
"Tll list for a soldier" says Robin to Sue.
ITO avoid these eternal disputesl'
Aye, aye, cries the termagant, "do,
Robin, do,
I'll raise the meanwhile fresh recruits"
printer out West, whose office is two
miles from'sny other building, and who
hangs his sign on the limb of tree ad-
vertises for boy. He says "a boy from
the country preferred"
Two Irishmen travelling on the Balti.
more and Ohio railroad track, came to
mile post when one of them said Tread
aisy, Pat; here lies man los years old
his name was Miles from Baltimore.
First class in geography-"How many
States in the Union?' The books say
but the newspapers have it
The newspapers are ahead,
as usual, my son. Go to the head"
Mrs Evarts said to Mr.. Evarts yester-
lay morning: "Get up and open the
lampers. William )" and Mr.. Evarts said
absently, turning over for another nap,
Your honor will please note my excep-
ion"
An Irishman with heavy bnudle on
MS shoulder, riding on the front of
lorse-car was asked why he didn't set
mis- bundle on the platform. He replied:
BE iabbers the horses have enough to
lrag me. I'll carry the bundle"
A country youth, who desired to know
how to become rich, sent a quarter in an
swer to an advertisements, and received
the following valuable recipe; increase
your receipts and decrease your expendi-
lures. Work eighteen hours day, and
live on hash and oatmeal cruel"
A theatrical company was doing in a
special car, in silence when the train
stopped and the brakeman yelled Eliza
bethl'' A ballet girl sprang to her feet,
half asleep, and cried: Where's Beech
err" and then hid her face amid the
roars of laughter which followed the un-
fortunate association of names,
The Whitehall Times says that as
Dwver of the Sandy Hill Herald was
standing on the railroad depot platform
at Fort Edward lately, conversing with
friend, he felt something jerking at the
loop of his congress CATERS He turned
Quickly and discovered the baggage man
trying to get check strap through his
after loop, which he had mistaken for