Alexandria gazette. [volume] (Alexandria, D.C.) 1834-1974, 1875-08-23
MISTAKEN INFERENCES.

MISTAKEN INFERENCES.
He stepped into an ice cream saloon, very
softly, and when the girl asked him what he
wanted he replied:
Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles and mince
pie"
This is not restaurant, this is an ice cream
parlor," she said
''Then what did you ask me what wanted
for? Why didn't you bring on your ice
cream2"
She went after it, and as she returned, he
continued:
you see, my dear girl, you must infer
you must reason. 1t isn't likely that | would
come into an ice cream parlor to buy grind
stone. is it? You didn't think I came 10 here
to ask you if you bad any bsled hay, did you p
She looked at him in great surprise, and he
went on.
IF owned hardware store and you came
in, l would infer that you came in for some
thing in my line. I wouldn't step out and ask
you to buy mule, would | p
She went away highly Indignant. An old
lady was devouring dish of cream at the next
table, and the stranger, after watching her for
moment, called cut:
MY dear woman, have you found any hair
or buttons in your dish p
Mercy. no !" she exclaimed, as she wheeled
around and dropped her spoon.
"Well, I'm glad of it'll" "If you find any,
just let me know
''She looked at him for half mirute, picked
up tho spoon, laid it down again, and then rose
up and left the room. She must have said
something to the proprietor, for be came run.
ming 10 and exclaimed:
ibid you tell that woman that there we're
hairs and buttons in my ice cream?''
mo, Sir"
you dldn't2"
''No, sir. did not, ] merely requested her,
in case she found any such Ingredients, to inform
me.
SWELL, sir, that was mean trick"
My dear slr." said the stranger, smiling
softly, did you expect me to ask the woman
ii she had found crowbar or sledge ham
mer in her cream2 It is impossible, sir, for
such articles to be hidden away in snch small
articles!'
The proprietor went away, growing ana as the
stranger quietly supped away at his cream two
young ladies' came 10 and ordered cream and
cakes: He waited until they had eaten little,
and then remarked
"Beg pardon, ladies', but do you observe any,
thing peculiar in the taste of this cream ?''
They ."etna. nns"L al thnr lips and wore not
certain.
Does it taste to you as ifa plug of tobacco had
fallen into the freezer p be asked
:Ahl hah" they exclaimed, dropping their
spoons and trying to spit out what they had
eaten. Both rushed out, and it wasn't long be-
fore the proprietor rushed in.
''See here, what in blazes are you talking
about?" he demanded. "What do you mean bV
tobacco in the freezerW
My kind friend, asked the ladies if this
cream tasted of plug tobacco. l don't taste any
such taste, and don't believe you used bit of
plug tobacco 10 itl''
"Well, you don't want to talk that way around
here t. continued the proprietor. "My ice
cream ls pure and the man who says it ism
tells bold lie |"
long neck and sad face sat down and said to
the girl that she would take small dish of
lemon Ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken about two
mouthfuls when the stranger inquired:
Excuse me, madam, but do you know how
this cream was made-have you an idea they
grated turnip and chalk with the cream p
She did ut reply. She slowly rose up, wheeled
around aud made for the door. The stranger
followed after, and by great good luck his coat
tails cleared the door an instant too soon to be
struck BY five pound box Of figs, hurled with
great force by the Indignant proprietor AS he
reached the curb-stone he halted, looked at the
door of the parlor and solioquized:
There are times when people should infer,
and there are times when they shouldn't,
suppose if had asked that woman if she
thought they hashed up saw mill in the cream,
she'd have felt circular saw going down her
throat"