The Cambria freeman. [volume] (Ebensburg, Pa.) 1867-1938, 1875-03-19
WANTED NOTICE..


''I'ye taken your paper for twenty-six
years" he commenced, as he reached the
head of the stains, ''aid now l want a
puff
He was very TALL slender man, had a
face which hadn't smiled since 1912, and
his neck was embraced by white cTavat
and his hands we're thrust into black gloves.
We got new hearse, a new stock of
collins, and want a local notice. he con-
tinued, as lie sat down and sighed, as if
ready to screw a coffin lid down.
MY dear SIR" replied the man liz the
corner, ''l've met you at a great many
funerals, and your genei al bearing has Gre
ated favorable impression. You sigh
with the sighers. grieve with the gIievers,
and on extra occasions you can shed tears
of sorrow, even though you know that you
can't get ten per cent. of your bill under
six months.''
''Yea," sighed the undertaken, instinct
lively measuring the length of the table
with his eye, and wondering to himself
why editors tables weren't covered with
Grape, with rows of coffin nails around the
edges.
death is very solemn" continued the
man in the corner; ''but still it is an oc-
casion when one can appreciate a neat
thing. I've seen you rub your knuckIes
against door posts and never change coun-
tenance /; I've seen you listen to eulogies
on men who owed you for twenty years be-
fore their death, and you looked even more
solemn than the beIeaved widow I've seen
you back your hearse up to a door in such
an easy, quiet way that it robbed death Of
half it's terrors. All this have l seen and
appreciated, but couldn't write puff for
you"
''Why not p he demanded
"For many reasons. Now you have a
new heaIse. Could go on and say /: MI
Sackcloth, the genial undertakes, has iust
received a fine pew heaise, aud we hope
that our citizens viii endeavor to bes,ow
upon it the patronage such enterprise de
serves. 1t rides easy, is handsomely fir
ished, and those whe tIy it once will want
no other. Could | say that p
''No, not very well.''
''Of course | couldn't. You can call a
grocer or q dry goods man genial friend
ard it's all right. but you aren't genial
you can't be. It's yonr business to be
solemn. If you Md beeven more solemn
than yoa are it would be money in your
pocket"
That's So" he said, sigh irg heavily.
''If it was an omnibus, OF a coal cart, or
a wheeibarrow, could go on and write
chapter on ever separate spoke, but it isn't,
you sees
He leaned back and sighed again.
''And a. TO your cofins, they are doubt
less nice coffins, aud your prices are p1ob-
ably reasonable, bat could 90 on and say
'Mr. Sackcloth, he undertaken, has inst
received his new styles in spring collins,
ali sizes, and is now prepared TO see as
many OF his old customers as want some
thing handsome and durable al a moder-
ate qiice.' Codid say that -
Adotber sigh.
Il couldn't say that you we've holding a
clearing out sale, i'll order to get ready for
the spring trade, or that, for the sake of
yourpatronage, you had decided
| couldn't say that you were repairing and
and had the most attractive cot
fin shop in Detroit. 1t wouldn't do to
hope that people would patronize you, or
to say that all orders seut in by mail would
be promptly filled, aud that your moUto
was Quick sales and small proits r'
He put on tbe look of IA tombstone, aud
made no reply.
"You see, if you had stoves to sell, or
dealt il mackerel, Or sold fishing tackle,
every thing would be lovely. You are an
uudertaker-soIemn, sedate, mournful.-
You revel in Grape, and you never pass a
black walnut dosr without thinking how
much good coffin lumber was recklessly
wasted. The tolling bell is music to you,
and the City Hall flag at half mast is fat
on your ribs. We'd like to oblige you,
but you see how it is.''
Eyes, see,'' he said, and he formed in
procession and moved down stairs, looking
around now an then to see if the hearse
was just thirty-four feet behind the ofiici-
ating clergyman S carriage. Fire,
Press.
A FARMER's DAUGHTER.-Thc Atlantic
papers sometimes tell us of a farmers
daughter who raked hay with a horse, or
drove a moving machine but we think
that California can boast of as noble girl
rs any Of them. \ French girl eighteen
years Of age, has hauled cord wood, two
trips a day, five miles, averaging a cord
and three,quarters to a load, over rocky, |
road, with four horses, nearly |
every dav the past summer. She is usually !
The first on the road in the morning and
frequently the last one at night. She sits
high up on her spring seat, with her whip |