davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Smart Boy.

Says l: That's SO; what are YOU
making?
Says he: It's = whistle out Of vii
Ter, and say, Mister, can you max,
a whistle out Of bowl of soup?
Says /: No. sir.
Says he: Well then, you amt smar,
| can.
Says |: Do you mean to tell m,
that you can make a whistle out of ,
bowl of soup?
Says he: Yes, ! can. That there i,
a whistle, amt il?
Says |: Yes, it is.
Says he: Well, didn't make it IN ,
bowl of soup, did !?
Says /: No.
Says he: Well, then, ] made tina
there whistle om of bowl Of soup
didn't |?
That made this Northern gentle
man NADIA started to leave wher
he yelled out: | say, Mister, if you'e
lived in the days Of the ark you'e
gone in through the window.
Says l: Why?
Says he: Because you're so greer
that dove would have lit on you first
sure.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
SHERIFF SALE.

BY virtue of specia Execution to me
directed, issued from the Office Of the Clerk
OF the District Court, in and for the county
OF Cedar and State Of Iowa, in favor OF
shearer Gray. and against Mary T.. VIII
liams Guardian, ct al. 1 have levied up
on the following property as the property
OF the said Mary 4. Williams, Guardian, et
al, to-wit:
The north halffl2l OF the northwest quar-.
ter y OF the northwest quarter 81 OF the
southeast quarter OF sec. number TWEEN
ty-eight rs township number eighty 1901
range number two III, west of the 9Th D. m ,
commencing at the northwest corner OF the
southeast quarter Al of said sec. number
twenty-eight Isl. thence south forty F40l
rods, thence east twenty 30l rods, thence
north forty f40l rods, thence west twenty 100
rods to the place of beginning, containing
five acres, more or less, situated In Cedar
county, Iowa.
And shall offer the same for sale at the
Court House door, in the town OF Upton, in
said County, on Saturday the 18th day OF
May A, d., 1876, at one o'clock, u, m ;.
of said day, to satisfy said Execution and
costs that may accrue thereon.
Dated this 18th day of pril A. d. 1875,
JOHN ID. SHEARER,
fw3 Sheriff Of Cedar County Iowa.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

A writer from Southern Missis.
sippi, in Coinadn's Rural World
st. Louis, proposes to provide labor
ers for the South as follows: 'If a
proper law was passed and rigidly
enforced, to sell, as = vagrant, any
idle man or woman who could not
provo visible means of making an
honest living, We would have labor
enough to make three millions Of
bales of cotton and oil the food crops
We could use in our blessed Dixie
land.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Road NOtIce-NO. 371.

To all whom IL may concern:
The commissioner appointed to locate a
highway ommencing at the north east Ger.
ner OF the north west quarter Of SEQ. Is. twp
81, north range I, west of 5th p. m. in Cedar
County, running thence south ia an old
road on the half section line one and on e.
fourth miles to the southeast corner OF the
northeast quarter northwest quarter OF sec
II, said twp. and range. thence run ming west
TO and terminating at the southwest corner
OF northwest quarter northwest quarter OF
said sec. q. has reported in favor 81 the ~.
enlistment thereof; and all objections
thereto. or claims for damages must be fled
In the Auditors once on or be fore noon OF
way Will be established without referenee
thereto.
I6ws MOREAU CARROLL. Co. Aud,r.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

A candidate for Office in Missis-
sippi made known his determination
to run by the following card: "At
the earnest solicitation of my wife
and children l have consented to be-
come . candidate for County Treas
urer."
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
! BOOK FOR THE MILLION,
.Arvly.as cssaas,sr ~.
1AsfSa1. ~ 49, 49, =.
nea,ea 4 - No. - u.aa,,r....
DIR. G. A. BOHANNAN

mercury. Charges reasonable. Guarantees "a
cure all fbrps OF ..spermatorrhea," or "Sens
minal Weakness' In from : To weeks time
inTton ave. 4 Green. -. Louis, No. Estabiishsd
In st, Louis in lSF.
H1rDr. Ne ssfrealtse on Special D,sea.
SEES" which fully explains the nature. causes
symptoms, etc., Of '.eparmatorrhea, d,
s'seminal Weakncss'' Syphilis and valuable
Information on other delicate subjects, sent
FREE in sealed Envclo0e.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
A dlninistralOr's Notice.

Notice is hereby given that the undersign.
ed has this day been appointed by the Cir.
cult Court OF Cedar county. Iowa, admins.
traitor of the estate OF Cyrus 7. McQuiIlan,
deceased and all persons having claims
against said estate are hereby notified to
nIe them with the Clerk Of said Court clear
ly stated and duly sworn to, and persons
owing said estate are notified to make Inn
mediate payment to She undersigned,
Dated at Upton, Iowa, this 30th day Of
April, q. d. lSy5.
NwS FRANCIS BELL, Admir-.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

Notice Is hereby given that the undersign.
ed mas this day been appointed by the CIR
traitor Of the estate Of Henry Myers, deceas-
ed, and all persons having claims a9ainst
said estate are hereby notified to nle them
and duly sworn to, aud persons owins M
estate are notified to make imm ediate nav.
ment TO the undersigned.
Dated Ct Upton, Iowa. this 2yth day OF
lsw2 sAM'L WAMPLER, Admir-.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Chicaro& Northwestern R'y

Passengers for CHICAGO, Detroit, Toledo,
Cleveland. Buffalo, Niagara Falls, Pittsburg.
Sincinuati, Rochester, Albany, Toronto,
Montreal, Quebec, Portland, Boston, New
York, Philadelphis, Baltimore, washington
St. Louis, Cairo, San Francisco, sacramento,
ogden. salt Lake City, Denver, Council
Bluffs, Sioux City, st. Paul, Marquette.
Escanaba, Menasha, Madison, Cheyenne.
Omaha, Yankton, Winona, Duluth, Green
Bay, Milwaukee, and all points North, West,
South and East, should buy their tickets VIA
CHICAGO and the
Chicago q Northwestern Railway.
Close connections are made at Chicago
with the Lake Shore u Michigan Southern,
Michigan Central, Baltimore Il Ohio, Pitts
burg, Fort Wayne Il Chicago, kankakee
Line and Pan Handle Routes, for all points
EAST and SOUTHEAST, and with the
Chicago & Alton and Illinois Central for all
points SOUTH.
Close connections are also made with the
Union Pacific X. X. at Omaha for all far
West points.
Close connections are made al junction points
nth trains of al cross roads.
PULLMAN PALACE CARS,
These celebrated cars are run on all night
trains on all the lines Of this road.
This is the ONL1 LINE runnlHS lucso caf
between Chicago and st. Paul or Chicago
and Milwaukee.
At Omaha our Sleepers connect with thu
Overland Sleepers on the Union Paciht
Railroad, for all points west of the Missouri
River. Among the
Inducements offered BY this Route
to the travelling public are all the modern
improvements: rock and Gravel Ballasfee
Track, Steel rail, rock and Iron Bridges
Parlor and Drawing Room Day Coaches
Smoking and Longing Cars, Westinghouse
Safety Air Brakes, Miller's Patent Safet,
Coupling and Platforms, Speed, Safety am
Absolute Comfort.
Running through Five Great States, AM
operating over 1000 miles of road, this Com
pany presents to the traveller facilities tina
ARE NOT and CANNOT be offered by an
Competitor.
Ali ticket agents can sell you tickets Vi
/ this route.
| rs you wish the best travelling aecommt
dations, you will buy your tickets by thi
| route and will take no other.
/ MARVIN HUGHITr, WI. sTENNErT,
| Genera, srps,i1.ssass. asa1 Passenger Asec
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

A widow was weeping bitterly a.
the loss Of her husband, and the par.
soo tried to console her: "No, no.
sist me have my cry out, and then
shaAt care anything more about it."
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
FARMERS,
FARMER.S!
The Climax Wind Mill
Has been proven
The Best & the Cheapest.
%
Manufactured at Upton, by
HEPNER &PILCHER.
Sole agents for Cedar County.

Examine these mills before purchasing
They have advantages over any other mil
In the market, and will not cost you much
more than half the money.
Mandatory opposite Murry's blacksmith
shop, in the old Bagley Wagon shop. lit
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
IMPORTED
CIYDISDAII HORSES |

CblukD1hb hu6Sk |
The subscriber will stand his horses for
the season Of 1875. commencing Monday
April 10th, IS follows:
NETHERBY,
Color, bright bay, weighs 1850 pounds, will
stand Mondays and Tuesdays at Andrew
Miners In see. 2,Frcnont township, Wednes-
days at Stanwood, and the rest Of the week
at his own stable.
SOVEREIGN,
Color, dapplcd grey, weight l,45O pounds
will stand at the stable OF John Hecht, Jr.,
eight miles southeast of Clarence, Thursday
and Friday Of each week, and the rest OF the
week at his own stable.
Scottish Champion,
Color, black, weighs ], SEQ pounds, will stand
on Saturday at Stanwood, and the balance
OF the time at his own stable, one mile north
Of Clarence.
COMET,
Will stand for mares this season, Mon
DAYS at his own stable, one mile from Ciar-
ence; Tuesdays at 10 Titles. Red Oak;
Wednesdays and Thursdays, till noon, al
John Ferguson's, Red Oak; Thursdays, P.
m, and Fridays at Jas. Davidson's, In FIRE.
mont tp.; Saturdays at stanwood. 10 IN
sure SIS.
| TERMS-To insure, Netherby, SIS; Soy
ereign. sic; scottish Champion, gao; payable
| LIST of February, 1876. Mares leaving the
county before that time will be charged rs
/ season mares. All accidents at owners risk.
/ Pedigrees of the above horses can be seen
at my residence.
You viii observe that the extract refers to
the report of General de Lamoriciere, spec.
tally appointed by the French government,
| 10 investigate the merits of the differen'
breeds of draft horses. General de Lanofl'
ciere, states as follows:
| Notwithstanding the broad difference ina
necessarily exists between the cart horse
breed and horses used for purposes OF lux
ury, the English. who know how 70 moult
70 .neir nd ms atey wit
messed at the meeting OF the Agriculture
institute, at versaill.s. working in the sam
neld. with ploughs exactly similar and an
posed as follows:
T. Two Ciydesdale mares.
2 Three suffolk mares.
g. Three Percheon mares.
4 Three Bouiognese mares.
The two Clydesdale mares performed tn
same task as the other three teams, and di
II much quicker. on point Of time the team
finished their work in the order indicate
| above The Suffolk mares finished much be
fore the Percherons, and between the latte
| and the Boulognese there was scarcely an
{ difference.
The above points clearly before the public
the merits Of the different breeds OF ORA
l horses. considered from q French stant
| point and shows clearly that the Glydesda
are more than one-third superior to u
French breeds am interested PERSONAL
in the Clydesdale, but have quoted this a.
ticle to show that don't wish people
Judge them from what I say, or any 9TH
Importer. but let them judge them from u
| French point OF view The only advantat
admit that the French and belgian brect
have IL. that they can be bought cheaper
the first instance, but have yet to leaI
any other.
4 JAMES GREIG, Proprietor.
Clarence, April. 1875.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
CHESHIRE
uAIH00D H0V lost H0V REST0REDl

Just published, a new ed
/SQ ition Of DR.. CulverwelI's
Celebrated Essy on the
Aes1S radical cure without med
icinel of 5permatorrhoea or Seminal " eak-
ness. In voluntary Seminal losses. Impoten-
ey. Mental and Physical Incapacity. Imped-
iments TO Marriage, etc., also Consumption,
Epilepsy and Fits, induced by self-indul-
gence or sexual extravaganza etc.
AS-Price, in sealed envelope only six cts.
The celebrated author, in this admirable
Essy, clearly demonstrates, from a thirty
years successful practice. that the alarming
consequences OF self abuse may be radically
cured without the dangerous use OF internal
medicine or the application Of the knife
pointing out mode OF cure at once simple,
certain, and et.ec:ua!. by means Of which
every sufferer, no matter what his condi-
ton may be, may cure him self ebeaply ,pri-
vately, and radically.
A1-This lecture should be In the hands of
every youth and every man in the land.
Sent under seal. In plain envelope to
any address. postpaid, on receipt Of six
cents or two post stamps.
Address the publishers
CHAS. j. e.. KLINE d CO.,
1877 BOWERY. NEW YOYK.
Post-Office Box 1885. l5yl
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

Tor Fever and Ague, Intermittent Fever.
Chill Fever, Remittent Fever, Dumb
Ague, Periodical or Bilious Fever, &C.,
and indeed all the affections which arise
from malsrious, marsh, or miasmatie
poisons.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
JUDGE NOT
RY PAST EXPERIENCE

JUDGE NOT
BY PAST EXPERIENCE
with Travelling Quaclxs,
But Consult the located Physician, the
Celebrated Specialist,
DIR. MCAFFEE|
PERMANENTLY LOCATED AT 50 PERRY
yTREET. new No. 3l7) Davenport, Iowa,
where he has been for the past four years.
The DIR. has practiced medisine twenty
years, and is a regular graduate OF BRUSH
and American Institutions.
The Doctor treats by Q method peculiarly
his own and Invariably attended with Wen
established success. Persons coming uncef
treatment may rest assured Of receiving ev.
cry benefit guaranteed by science, skill ana
q comprehensive experience.
Female cOmpiaints.-In this Department OF
Medicine the Doctor Is prepared to treat In
the most scientific manner. ne esrness ~
notice, feeling perfectly confident that his
medicine gives the most speedy relief. Then
DO NOT DELAY, as complaint wniG "a
short time.
YOUNG MEN
Who are suffering rom the effects of youth
| full follies or indiscretion should avail them.
| selves OF this, the greatest boon ever laid ~
the altar of suffering humanity. Dr.
McAFFEE will guarantee TO forfeit One h1n-
bred Dollars for every case of seminal weak
ness or private disease of any kind or char-
acter which he undertakes and fails to cure.
MIDDLE.AGED MEN.
There are many OF the age Of thirty to for
| ty who are troubled with too frequent evac.
uations of the bladder, often accompanied
by a slight smarting or burning sensation!
aud weakening the system In manner tna'
the patient cannot account for; ON exam1n.
ing the urinary deposits, ropy sediment
viii often be found, and sometimes small
patticles of albumen will appear, or the col
or will be of thin or milkish hue, again
changing to dark and torpid appearance
There are many men who die OF this dim
Guilty, ignorant OF the cause. which ~ TN
second stage Of seminal weak ness. Mr.. NC
will guarantee perfect cure in all sucf
cases and q healthy restoration OF the genits
urinary organs.
Office Hours-S to 1, = to q. Il . to
| All letters promptly answered, and CORE
spondence confidential. Address, Lock BOZ
go. Davenport. Iowa. lSio
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

- ~tp~ret axrDvI
use; and every fanny n saIiec when REQUIRED.
for their protecuon anu s,,-ed them 10 he the SAT
Long experiences nss ~ ~, sne p;;;s Win which
the market abolnds. -. ny orrm ~ The ava.
the blood u purihcu, tne cofiups nrnd and The
TEN expeilea W Ne rsstored 10 ts healthy
whole machinery OF ny rS,ch hacnme clogred
activity. Internal oIganss m ~ 1.,.r.s Piiis. and
en0 s,n as. ;nsn sction. Thus incipient disease
s cnangea mt ~, .ha 3. mnltitudes who enjoy
when reckoned ON the Vass M,N.a s,.,"s coat{ns
II, can hardly De tase ana nreseryes their
makes tnem pieasan.e ~ snv iancfh 81 time. 50
virtues unlnpa ,er eresh and nerfectiy reliable.
that they are eveI H .s .re mia ami Operate
Although searching, y ~ cnr seifnfion. or diet or
without disturpanoo W VIZ
E'.R directions are given on the wrapper TO
Iun u Snsv - ~ "a them "A a Family Physic,
and for the following compiaints' "nien l''e0
Ear np..ensta or InAigessisn, Lissless.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20


ance, founded on proof, that no harm can arise
from its use in any quantity. ~
THAT which protects from or prevents this dis
order must be Of immense service IN tile oe,a,
than cure for the patient escapes the risk Whieh
he must run In violent attacks Of this baiein as.
temper. This "CuREp expels the miaslaa.lc
nelson of FEVER AND AGUE from the system,
and prevents the development Of the disease,
taken on the first approach Of Its premonitofy
symptoms. 1t is not only the best remedy ever
yet or III, ea arse 2, ooonS we sup
ply for dollar brings II within the reach oil
everybody; and in bilious districts, wheis
FEVER AND AGUE prevails, every BODY snouiu
have it, and use 1t freely, both for cure and pro-
lection Ii is hoped this price will place i within
the reach Of all the poor as well as the rieh.
A great superiority OF this remedy over any
other ever discovered for the speedy and certain
cure Of Intermttents is, that it contains no Qni.
nine or mineral; consequently II produces no
auinism or other injurious effects Whatever upon
the constitution Those cured sad y ~ are ,s' as
Fever and Ague is not alone the consequence
of the miasmatic poison. A great variety OF as
orders arise from its irritation, among when
blindness, Toothache, Earache, Catarrh, Asth
ma, Palpitation, Painful Affection OF the Spleen
MYSTERIES, Pain in the Bowels, Collie, Paralys sis
and arrangement Of the stomach, all OF Whieh
when originating in this cause, put on the IN
ter,nittent type, or become periodical. HI.
"CUREn expels the poison from the blood, anc
consequently cures them all alike. II is an IN
valuable protection to Immigrants ana persons
travelling or temporarily residing in the mala
rious districts. If taken occasionally or dalll
while exposed to the infection, that VIII be ex
creted from the system and cannot acc uii.u,a.
in sufficient quantity to ripen into disease
Hence it is even more valuable FOR protection
! than cure; and few will ever suffer from Inter
| mittents II they avail themselves Of the prote'
| ton this remedy affords.
For Liver Complaints, arising from torpi'
itv of the Liver, it lis an excellent remedy, stun
| ulating the Liver into healthy ACTIVITY, anu pr
! ducing many truly remarkable cures. whel
other medicines fail.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

THE BEST
PRAIRIE LANDS
Iowa and Nebraska,
For sale by
The Burlington and Missow
River Railroad Co.

on ten wears credit at six per cent tntsrest
One million acres in Iowa and southen
Nebraska. The finest country In the worg
To combine farming aud stock raising 10
soil is rich and easily cultivated; eiims
warm: seasons long; taxes low, and educ
ton free. No payments required on prime
pal till ifth year and then only one-se'enu
each year until paid.
LAND EXPLORING TICKETS
Sold at important stations on the Chieaso
Burlington and Quincy railroad and eosl o.
same refunded when land Is bought
Half fare TO families nf purchasers, ahc
] low freights on household goods ana isfm
stock.
Twenty per cent ium for cultivation
Large discounts for cash within one. No
and three years.
Products will pay for land ane
improvements long before
the principal 10 due.
THE called d~~tttaainu An NJ hr a skis lie,
! In the far western reotan, heyond tneSkno
of the Il. Il N. II. X. Co.
nS-For circulars that will describe fulf
these lands, and the terms 81 sale. apply 4
LAND COMMISSIONER. darlington. Iowa
for Iowa lands, Lincoln. n eb.. for Nebrash
lands; or to PIATT CARR, Tipton, Iowa
5i-An
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Ayers Oathartic Pills.

For the relief and
cure of all derange.
nlents In the stom.
ach, liver, and bow:
els. They are 2 milo
aperient, and an
excellent purganve.
Being purely vcge-
: table, they contain
no mercury or mine
raj whatever. Much
serious sickncss and
suffering Is prevent
ed by their timely
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

No one remedy is louder
called for by the necessities Of
the American people than a
sure and safe cure for Fever
and Ague. Such we are now
enabled to offer, with a perfect
certainty that 1t will eradicate
the disease, and with assur-
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
MIDDLE.AGED MEN.

ONCE Hour..S to 1, 2 to q. 4 2 to ..
All letters promptly answered, and corre-
spondence confidential. Address Lock BOX
$50 Davenport. Iowa. lIfo
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Scottish Champion,

Color, black, weighs 1880 pounds, will stand
on Saturday at Stanwood, and the balance
OF the time at his own stable, one mile north
of Clarence.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
SOVEREIGN,

Color, dapoled grey, weight $50 pounds
will stand at the stable Of John Hecht, Jr.,
eight miles southeast of Clarence, Thursday
and Friday of each week, and the rest OF the
week at his own stable.
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
Ayers Ague Cure.

FOR SALE BY ALL DRUGGISTS EVERYWHERE
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20
NETHERBY,

The subscriber win stand his horses for
the season OF 1875, commencing Monday
| April 10th, as follows:
The Tipton advertiser. [volume] (Tipton, Cedar Co., Iowa) 1856-1962, 1875-05-20

Color, bright bay, weighs 1850 pounds, will
stand Mondays and Tuesdays at Andrew
Miners in see. 2,Frcmont township, Wednes-
days ct Stanwood, and the rest Of the week
at his own stable
Ashtabula telegraph. (Ashtabula, Ohio) 1874-1880, 1875-02-05
Josh billings,

Unless a woman haz large in
voice ov good common sense it is a
dangerous thing for her to be smart
er than her husband.
Silk and hang, yung man; it IL
allwuss the last six inches in race
that wins the mummy.
A man kant tell one lie and then
stop, emmy more than he kan tap a
barrel ov nu cider and draw Just a
spoonful out and no more.
Thare never waz a man yet so ritch
or exalted but what the finding a
gold dollar on the sidewalk sent a
thrill of delite all thrue him.
Sum men allwuss fte the best
on the under side, and yu will notiss
one thing, theze men are the hardest
to whip.
Weak persons are the wurst ones
we hav to deal with; it takes some
strength ov karakter to be even a
respectable fool.
We find full az much in the kar-
akters ov our best friends to reprove
az we do to brag on. Thare IL moth
ing so helthy for emmy boldly az
good honest abuse.
Az long az you don't want to bor-
row enything you will find plenty ov
folks who are anxious to lend you
sumthing. The fust three notes i
endorsed i had to pay, and i hope it
will be so with the next three.
If man haint got strength of kar-
akter enuff to live down lies and
slander. he had better leave this
world for sum other.
Philosophy IL not cure for all,
nor even emmy evils, but it does take
the gaul out ov them nightly.