The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-09-25
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

BreSt.-Id Grouse ow.
The latest Egyptian sensation is the announc
ed discovery of birthstone mine in Massac Co
The Cairo Bulletin thinks the expenditure o
wit this discovery will provoke, will speedil.
prove overpowcring. He'll will be located there
and many will applaud the wisdom displayed
etc, because of the nonexstencc OF a nccessit,
for removing the inhabitants, etc"
The clothes found upon the river bank a
Davenport, Iowa, were identified as belonging &c
Dr. Ermius Godfrey. Fifty men dragged the
river for two days without success. The body
was not recovered until Thursday evening, whet
it was found in an advanced state OF demoraliza
ton near Council Bluffs, sitting in Pullman
car alongside of Mrs. Aurora Beale, who was sup
posed to have gone cast to buy Scods.-Roch
Island Argus.
The wife of "Max Adeler weighs 200 pounds
and the Brooklyn Argus says when Max asks
shall help you over the fence:' she replies
demurely mo; help the fence"
Did you ever meet Alonzo Brown, Of Virginia
II you pcyer did, you never will. He WAS found
hanging to limb, the other day, and paper
pinned 10 his Gp2t read He stole hams. "-De-
trOt btee E'Ys,.
The Indianapolis SeolsJ thus accounts for the
popularity of the ppll.hack dresses ITO see Il
damsel creeping along vt snail's Raap. with her
drapery clinging back as il she wGre rushing
ahead against an adverse wind with the speed
Of an Aurora, Is an incongruous sight. 1t is this
suggestion of speed in the pull-back skirt which
makes i so popular with fast girls"
The following 10 Ucrbdtin, copy OF return
made &c court by Pennsylvania constable:
"Jupe the IA, A. D., f5 To the onerable court
of Quarter CeshiOn: Return to court. fibbinS
houses non slaves and bastards, none: game
Kid, non roads and bridges all wright Obstruc-
tions In the highway, nom whisky cold by the
drink or quart, none.'
The cause of education in Louisiana finds plen.
ty of volunteers. A colored woman, who wants
10 teach writes: ITO the president and mem
bers OF the scool Borde, take pleasure in rite
ing you thcase few lines requcstin II thar is eny
Vacant in eny off parish scools to be filled that
ma be granted with the plaisure of filling it as
assistance teacher after examination il found
worthy and will do all In my power to in Struct
the ignorence to the lite OF nowedge so help me
god So will close by saying still remained Re-
specially you humbull Scrvent,"
In the following lines, the word "that' is used
to cxempllfy its various signifcations
Now that is word which may often be joined,
For that that may be doubled Is clear to the
mind;
And that hat that is right is as plain to the view
As that that that that we use Is rightly used too;
And that that that that that line has, is right
In accordance with grammar, is plain in our
sight.
The Detroit Free Press says: The happiest
moments Of woman's life are when she Is max
ing her wedding garments, the saddest when
her husband comes home late Mt night and yells
TO her from the front steps to throw him out
some keyhoes, assorted sizes.
A few days ago Norwich man bought chest
Of tea in Providence, and on opening found a
stone inside weighing nearly eleven pounds. He
remarked that the weighs Of Providence are very
mysterous.-Eh.
Chicago chemist owing to the non. paym cnt
of his fee, refuses to return the stomach Of a
dead man sent to hin for analysis. Although
the chemist has now two stomachs, he doesn't
appear to have any bowelsof compassion
Ralston could go West no further, except by
stepping into the Pacific, and he did that
How uneveny justice is distributed in this
world is shown in the fact that there is but one
patentright man in the Northern Indiana Pen-
Tertiary. -
The engineers and conductors who are to run
the fast mail train have had their lives insured,
and have made special rates with undertakers.
1t is now IN order for some newspaper to come
forward and predict winter which will freeze
the heels off lawn ornament.
Rochester paper suggests to Mr. Frost, who
is laagushing In the jail Of that city, that he
had better thaw out
According to dispatch in an evening paper,
- the barn and contents Of" certain gentleman
in Maine were totally destroyed by fire. His
contents must have been OF highly inlamma.
bic nature.
"An angel sliding down shaft of quiet moon
light" is poetical fancy envolyed from the in
ner guishlness OF Elizabeth Stuart Phelps Won
der II the angels come down n straddle, and II
they don't sometimes contract colds through the
absorption Of too much dew.
Some newspapers, IN announcing births, give
the name OF the officiating physician II this
custom is to prevail, let us introduce another in
presentation OF the eternal fairness Of things
that Ia, let the name Of the attending physician
accompany each death notice.
And now here's another argument in favor O
stealing: A Connecticut boy was kicked by
horse the other day and he would have bee
killed had not the force OF the kick been broke
by some stolen apples which he had secreted /
his hat under his coat"
A girl near Utica, ", Y, few days ago mi,
took the meaning OF young man who was lool
ing up pickers for his fathers hop-yard, an
when asked II she was engaged, sweety replied
Not yet, but always thought 1t would be yer
pleasant" The young man rode home quick
and dreamed all night Of breach.of-promi:
trials. t Ea
since the boys have got 10 carrying fish hool
on the lapels Of their coats, fathers siezc the
sons by the seat of their pants when they wal
10 chastisethem.-Er
An experienced farmer opines that the ma
who can pillow stumpy ground with pair OF lly
ly mules without swearing, is prepared TO