The Jackson standard. [volume] (Jackson C.H., Ohio) 1847-1888, 1875-03-25
WHOLE NO. 1852.
Miscellaneous.

10 WOFh.
A good kick out of doors is better
than rich uncle.
The bored of education-Chlldren who
hate school.
Good places for match making-Sul-
phur Springs.
Love without money is something like
patent leather boots without soles.
A man cannot expect half loaf when
he loafs all of the time.
A Texan damsel has sued an admirer
for breaking her nose while trying to
kiss her against her will
Female telegraph operators in Berlin
are peremptorily forbidden Ito paint
their faces or to let their real or false,
hair wallow over their backs"
Common sense can accomplish much
without great talents; but all the talents
in the world can accomplish very little
without common sense.
The maddest kind of a woman is one
who spends half hour in arranging her
toilet before descending to the parlor on
the arrival of a visitor-who proves to
be a book agent.
The colored gentleman whom a Vir-
ginia sportsman mistook for a pigeon in
a chinquapin bush the other day, says he
don't want to be made game of no mo-,
dat fashun.
"Of course we couldn't have him roam
ing around here and putting on Con-
gressional airs" says Nevada paper in
explaining how horse-thief came to his
end
Lord, what cowr was the approx
ing remark of teetotal judge of Yer
mont after swallowing a potent punch,
which had boen offered to him as a glass
of milk
Out West here we don't get red behind
the ears and holler: "Who paid the
Woodhulls' fare to Europe2' We are
simply thankful that they went
The relatives Of Captain Ryan of the
Virginius, want 100000 as compensation
for his death. Half a million dollars is
better than nothing, but why didn't they
put in for his full value?
The Indiana man who worked three
days in a harvest field and received there
fore litter of pups, has come to the con-
clusion that it is not more currency we
need but better currency.
do you know your good pastors chief
Gnu aim dSh6Nl IL new L OuI-
day School teacher of her favorte pupil.
Yes" replied the sagacious child, to
get his sermons printed in the papers"
A New York State Quaker was found
in patch Of grass behind a fence look
ing at a circus procession, and he turned
it off by asking, Friend hast thee seen
the kingbolt of my wagon around here?"
In Troy they throw red hot pennies to
organ grinders. This action kills two
birds with one cent. 1t records a char
liable action in the eyes of the world and
disables the hand organ man.
A Snowman whose notices called for a
few fat boys to feed his cannibals, re-
ceived card from man saying that he
couldn't spare his boys, but he had
thought would suit
The sensitive boy lives in Delaware
He arose at midnight. footed it half
mile and awoke store clerk and bought
a fine comb. He didn't want to have
any one hear him ask for it,
Miss Anthony denies that she ever sat
on any mans lap since the days when
John Bunyan used to hold her-then a
mere child-on his knee, when she went
to visit him in Bedford jail
Now, after lapse of ninety odd years,
it has been discovered that splitting on
the bait doesn't help in the least to catch
the fish. Is there any one in America
who isn't as mad as blazes2
There is a Postmaster in Illinois who
draws a salary of 81 per annum. His Oh
ject in seeking the Office was to get mar
ried and raise q family.
Milton, the blind author was one day
asked by friend of female education, if
he did not t-intend to instruct his daugh-
ter in the different languages. No,
sir" replied Milton, "one tongue is suffi-
cient for woman"
Ben. Billings stole cattle and then
lied about it, so his friends took him out
and performed a surgical operation on
him from which he never recovered" is
the way the death of a Nebraska man is
recorded in local paper.
At an anti-monopoly convention in
Iowa recently, some fellow bawled at the Y
door: Candidates are requested to step
down stairs a few minutes" Then
every body went down stairs except a
deaf old fellow who wanted to run for
jailer.
"Corinne-if you are living, do return
to your friends" writes somebody in the
New York Herald. They don't say what
'Corinne" is to do if she is dead. In that
case she is probably expected to reply
through the "Corinner.
The scandalous Washington Chronicle,
says: when Mary Walker reached
Turkey we hope the Sultan, that abso-
lutte monarch of all he surveys, will make
her take her breeches off Mary won't
listen to any such inSultan proposition.
She isn't that kind.
An English clergyman exclaimed, ina
of his fellow preachers, "Ah,
we'll, there is only one thing in our mln-
strations more trying to me thar preach
ing" "Indeed" they said, land what
may that be?" Hearing any one
preach, he replied
1t is not our fault, that we are red
headed and small, and the next time one
If those overgrovn rural roosters in a
ballroom reaches down for our head, and
that some fellow has lost a rose
pub out of his button-hole, there viii be
,rouble.
"NIen scorn to kiss among themselves,
And scarce would kiss a brother;
But women want to kiss so bad,
They kiss and kiss each other"
LINES TO MISS LEGG.
70 the sweet little valley of Port Byron 1 came,
Feer dreaming with danger twas fraught;
Atser tie ,H whninf Si Seaf on tell as 9h wl1h sh@me
Long years in my heart this misfortune VIII
And the reason you'll notice, beg;
While others from taste fell in love with an
ankle,