Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1875-12-31

he replied.
A small. red-hcaded man rose np and
squesked;
You don. it-you done it--you dene
nr
DO you say bit yonr csr:'
You did-you did-you did =
oh, Mr.. Judgep she exclaimed,
uringing her hands 4 never bit mans
ear 10 my life J!
1T seems that you owed him money and
wouldn't pay,' exclsmined the court, and
when he called again Yesterday you attack
ed hlm on the steps, pushed him down,
and in the struggle which followed you bit
bis ear
NY head suims so = she gasped.
All of which wasn't right, and you know
it, continued the court. The LAWS oi
Michigan were made for small men with
red hair as well a. tor other people, and
deem it my duty to fine you $40 =
did ever = she .ssped.
4 guess you did
but will you line ne $40 for netting"
Twill
She seemed about TO faint, bat charged
her mind, pulled out roll of money, and
as she pitched an * to the clerk she said:
IN see that rrd-headed nau again y
4 SHREwD FARMEE.-A city gentleman
who had just purchased farm in the coua-
Try whisicd 20 buy some cattle with which
to stock it. lie Therefore attended, an sue
tion where some cows were TO
be sold. One Of them, remarkable
fine animal, soon attraced his attention,
and he bought her at fair price
lie Was examining his purchase, when
farmer. who unfortunately had arrived too
late to buy the cow himself as be had in
tended, drove up and thus accostsd him
Il say, friend, did yon bid of that COW 2
L did, WAS the reply.
well, did you know that she had no
front teeth in her upper jaw 2
No. replied the gentleman, Indignantly.
Is that cor
1 0u csl see Tor yourself
The gentleman examined the mouth Of
the COW and finding no upper teeth, ,lmmedi-
s,ely went to the auctioneer and requested
linn TO sell the COW again.
What's the trouble = asked the auction
ser.
she hasn't any upper front teeth, was
the reply.
Very well, replied the auctioneer with
a smile. I'll put her mp once more
lie did so, and the shrewd farmer who
had given the information TO the city gen
lemsn bid her off at the same price.
A maiden once said, III not mate with
= man who has not fortune srate.' SO she
pou,ed and waited, and scorned TO be mat !
ed. She's maiden yet-age, 4S.-Ne,c
York Commercial -1dcertiser, A maiden
once thought, L cannot be bousht-I;ll
marry a msn who is poor Gut the man
he drank beer, died driving 'keer,' and
twelve orphans went out from her door.
'Tis better 20 wait and be aged As than 10
marry the average man for there's trouble
ahead for the maiden who'll wed the very
first person she can.-LowsciH, Courier
Joanna A maiden once cried, Now,
whatever betide, I'll marry man who is
~ise,' but his wise views asserted, she
DoulCd and firted ; each sickened full soon
&C the prize. Sean. mag. was the case
'twasc an awful disgrace, said the judge,
in decreeing divorce T; and the woman's a
fool who general rule will adopt in deciding
her course.--St. LOsis Republican. But
most of the girls dash their frizze. and
curlsl make theis mind, up, quite ea:ly in
life, to take any one who'll let himself be
DONE The point il, to be some ones wife.
And the poor ally chaps who are caught
in their traps will find out, when it is too
late, that girl who was charming. can be
an alarmingiy terrible, ill-tempered mate
Only this much is certain, the young man
who marries viii and that the fellow who
will deserve all he gets-and get all lie de
serves, oi its kind. later Oceaa. Now
The maidens all swear by their purchased
back hair, they'll be blessed ifthey wed any
scamp Of q poet especially one who at
women pokes fun, and rhymes in prose
form, SO that no one woud know II.
A RUDE INTKRRUPTIOS.-In one of the
street cars yet.rday, says NJ. Quad, a
young man and young lady commenced
hankerschief Irritation, and they carried it
',n so badly that an old chap with gray
burnside whskers had his attention at
trac,ed. He didn't detect the Irritation,
Iut was greatly annoyed that the young
man should wipe his nose so often, aud at
length he blurted out
Have you got the ca-tarrh 2
No, sir,' replied the young man.
Well then, then if were YOU I'd take
thy blasted nose of and let it rest awhile.
When a person pays out his hard-earned
money to ride on the street cars he wants
10 take some comfort
NEW TANGLED WORDS. An oid-fasion-
cd woman living on Cass avenue, says the
i fef ftsS, ltOh l1tl 'JOl W q hoNLpA Ob1CS
the other day and said TO The physician
'I've brought him here TO be ampu-
tsted.'
'You mean vacciuated,' suggested the
doctor.
They used 10 called it dDpUtaied when
I was young she said with a sigh, but |
suppose they've got some new-iangled
name for il now, and you are right. Don't
hurt him more than you can help
How long have you been in England 2
was the question put BY young English |
an ITO = Young American n public din |
in London recently. About two
Is was the reply. Really, was the
'2inder OF young John Bull, and notice
talk our language as we'll as we doF
Twas the reply of Brother Joathan
e not been here quite long enough to |
sw to speak IT,