Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-01-11
Tom Thumbs fortune is s3OO.OoO.

Tom Thumbs fortune is S300.OO0.
Bigger than he is.
Speaking of the round world, much
can be said on both sides.
What goes up the hill. and down the
hill. and yet never moves? The road,
Of course
"Hoky, Poky. amt he handsome"
said young lady of Boston, as the
Sandwiched King passed by.
a Wisconsin man recently killed six
skunks in one day. After interviewing
the first one he became reckless and so
kept on.
What station do you call this ?"
said man, as he crawled ont of the
debris Of railroad smash.up. "Devas-
talon. " replied the urtane conductor.
A'Colorado exchange says: "The
Canon City girls don't take kindly to
croquet They say it is too high toned
for them. Leap-frog is their best hold"
a Western editor speaks of his rival
as "mean enough to steal the swill from
a blind hog - The rival retorts by
saying: "He knows he lies, l never
stole his swill -
"Yeth thir, if you won't cat me-"
was the trembling reply Of a chubb:
little boy whom hing Kalakaua took up
in his arms, and asked for Kiss, in the
corridor of a San Francisco hotel.
A French scientist declares that the
flesh Of the Caucasian is bitter and salty
while that Of the negro is Of fine flavor
Missionary societies will doubtless be
interested in this fact.
A Cape Cod paper informs its readers
that when a lady and gentleman arc
walking upon the street, the lady should
walk inside the gentlemen. How the
lady is to do it, is not stated.
Just think, if you swear off using to-
bacco and wearing clothes after the first
Of February you can save s. per week
at least, and S. per week for one thous-
and years is S260,000.
A Milwaukee man hid in a public
doorway and jumped out and kissed his
wife. She didn't whoop and yell. as he
expected, but replied. Don't be so bold
mister-folks around here know me ~
A Peabody man told lie and then
said: 81 hope to be struck dead if
have not spoken the truth - He had
scarcely ceased speaking when he fell tc
tie foOr-a man having knocked hin
down.
She blushed a fiery red,
Her heart went pit-a pat;
She gently hung her head
And looked down at the mat.
He trembled in his speech;
He rose from where he sat,
And shouted with a screech.
Your sitting on my hat -
How often is it proper for a ministe
to visit woman belonging to his church
Once a day? Once a week Once
month ? Or only once a year? Answer
solicited Address box POS Postof6ce
or Post Office exchange. No. 10, Sprini
Lane.-BoSton Express
Farmer. (who has directed Patrick t
yoke the oxen. n.)-"What are you cary
ing that club for ?' Pat-"Faith. SUI
how will liver get the contrivance O.
thin. if don't knock thin prongs o.
the heads O thim?"
Give us" says the New Hampshir
Norkingman's Advocate. the man wit
brown hands. smut on his nose, an
sweat on his forehead All nght-ser
him last night: also woman with
long chin and wart on her nose to kee
him happy.-Detroit Free Press.
The feeling in plymouth Church is {
stand by Mr.. Beecher at all event
whether he is guilty or innocent. Pc
haps they would like it rather better
have the weight Of evidence rather
favor Of his being a very sinful ma
2 IL would make him seem more human
Nev York .S1R.
Ellen Larrabee. an Illinois Farmer
daughter, just missed being a heroin
Seeing her fathers barn OH fire. she @
q a pail Of water, ran towards the bla
and-fainted on the way. The barn WI
destroyed. aud her father. rating her i
tentions by the slow standard of b
failure, warmed her shoulders with
strap.
An old fashioned naval Captain sto,
up to 20 through country dance with
very fine lady. who was shocked to 0
serve that his huge aud warm han
were not covered according to etiquet
Captain" said his fair partner. "
are perhaps not aware that you ha
not cot gloves on p "Oh. never mir
at ma am. answered the captain, "neN
mind, can wash my hands when We
done"
A man from the States opened
= drinking saloon IN Victoria, VancOuve
10 Island. and his very first hours expe
ence was lively. Six Indians fled
with great gravity. One Of them tC
ins a position at the right of the proprie
sh his behind the bar. with an uplifted sea
an ing knife. and another stood at his ri.
Js' Js' with muskct. \ third poured
aud tumblers Of whiskey. and the fluid '
= silently run down xix throats. III
the solemn patrons fled out without
word. leaving the man prejudiced agal
;. the saloon business on Vancouver's
land.