Helena weekly herald. [volume] (Helena, Mont.) 1867-1900, 1875-05-27
Mr.. Collins Spelling Match.
The Old Lady Puts Him Down with one
Of her Spells.

From the Detroit Free Press
The other evening old Mr.. and Mrs Coffin,
who live on Bush street, Sat in their cosy back
parlor, he reading the paper aud she knitting,
and the family cat stretched out under the
stove, and sighed and felt sorrow for cats not
SO well tixed 1t was IL happy, contented
household, and there was love in his heart as
MIR. Coffin put down his newspaper and re-
marked:
Il see that the whole country is becoming
excited about spelling schools"
| well, It's good to know how to SPELL" re-
piled the wife, II didn't have the chance
some girls had, but pride myself that can
| spell almost any word that comes along.
"Pll see about that" he laughed; ''comc,
now, spell 'buggy.''
'Humph! that t's nothing g--b-,1-g-g-y, buggy
she replied.
''Missed the first time--ha, hal" lie roared,
slappirg his leg.
Mot much--that was right"
''It was eli? Well, Id like to see anybody
get two g's in buggy, would"
''But it is spelled with two g's, and any
school boy will tell you so," she persisted
well, l know durn sight better than
| that!' he exclaimed, striking the table with
his fist
II don't care what You knoW!' she squeak
ed; Il know that there are two rs in buggy!"
''Do you mean to tell me that I've forgotten
how to spelI?' he asked.
ut looks that way"
lit does, eh? Well, I want you and all
your relations to understand that know more
about spelling than the whole caboodle of you
strung on Wire!"
"And l want you to understand, Jonathan
Coffin. that you are All ignorant old block
head, when you don't put two g's in the word
buggy-yes you are"
''Dont talk that way to mel" he warned.
And don't shake your fist at met she re-
piled.
"Who's a-shaking his fist:'
s'YOu were!'
s'Tha,'s lie-an internal lie!
'Dont call me liar, you old bazaar! I've
put up with your meanness for forty years
past, but don't call me a liar, and don't lay q
hand on mel"
You want divorce 2" he shouted, spring.
ing up: '.you con 60 now, this minute!"
''Don't spit in my face-don't you dare do
it, or III make a dead man of you!" she
warned.
Il haven't spit in your freckled old visage
yet, hut l may If you provoke me further!
"WhO's got freckled, face, you old turkey
buzzard p
That was 4 little too much He made
motion as if he would strike, and she seized
him by the neck-tie. Then be reached out
and grabbed her right ear and tried to lift her
off her feet, but she twisted up on the neck
tie until his tongue ran out.
''Let goof me, you old fiend!" shescreamed.
''Gt down on yer knees and beg my par
don. you old wild cat!" he replied.
They s1rged and swayed and struggled, and
the pecceful cat was struck by the overturn-
ing table and had her back broken, while the
clock fell down, and the pictures danced
around. The woman finally shut her hus-
bands supply of air off and Topped him, and
as she bumped his head up and down on the
floor and scattered his gray hairs. she shouted:
''You want to get mp another spelling
school with me, do your"
He was seen limping around the yard yes
terday, stocking pinned around his throat
and she had court plaster on her nose and one
finger tied up. He wore the look of martyr.
while she had the bearing Of victor, and
from this time ont ''buggy" will he spelled
with two g's in that house.