Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1875-06-12
Fun AND FRoLIC.

A0sh5 OoiiJ o. light VIII surely D
shorten q mans days.
The first person who ever went round
the world-the man in the moon.
An Omaha man has advertised for
sealed proposals to keep bis feet clean.
They fine a man for peddling water ia
Louisville-that is if he colors it with
milk.
The empress Of Japan cautions the
young lady friends about talking on
the street, like the vulgar American
girls.
A female justice of the peace in wy
oming had to stop to pin up her hair
while solemnly sentencing a prisoner to
three months in Jail.
A New Hampshire woman committed
suicide 'to let her husband know how
good it was to have a funeral and hired
girls around"
There is a Connecticut widower who
declares that nothing reminds him Of
his dear wife so much as to live within
ear-shot of a saw-mill.
a lady who asked her lover if he
would liket to see the lambs feed, was
surprised to hear him say he had rather
see her eye brows(e).
An Idaho paper explains the lack of
Geographic news by the statement that
sthe young lady operator at Summit sta
ton is out visiting to-day"
If a boy with a bean-shooter has a
mind to buckle right dewn to business
he can make a whole neighborhood res
pect his opinions and seek his friendship.
A Milwaukee girl, twelve years of age,
asked a boy of fifteen to elope with her,
because she read in a newspaper that in
Egypt girls were married at eleven.
When six patent medicine almanacs
are poked under a mans front door every
day, there is no Excuse that mans pain
full ignorance in not knowing the spring
is here.
A newspaper b~iographer trying to say
his subject twas hardly able to bear the
demise of his wife," was made by the
inexorable printer to say, "wear the che
mise of his wife,"
Where will it all end. A naa can't
set his house on fire, collect the insur-
ance and put on any style with the mon
ey without some one is mean enough to
throw out insinuations.
When an Omaha mans hat blows of
he declines to recognise the occurrence,
and will walk a mile bareheaded with a
look so full Of uncodsciousness as to al
most mislead the multitude.
A printer out West, whose offices is
two miles from any other building, and
who hangs his sign on the limb of tree,
advertises for a boy. He says, "a boy
from the country preferred"
Two Irishmen travelling on the Balti-
more and Ohio railroad track, came to a
mile post when one of them said:'sTread
aisy, Pat; here les a man 108 years old
his name was Miles from Baltimore
"You wiring my BOSOM" said a dss-
pairing Baltimore lover to a croquettish
girl whom he had long sought in mar
riage. His burst of grief decided her,
and, putting out her hand, she softly
murmured, "Well, ring my finger, ifyou
will be happier for it; l will vex you no
longer"
A Cleveland recently married
a Chinese laundryman, and in three days
thereafter the unhappy celestial appear
cd at a BARRIERS shop and ordered his
pig-tail cut off, saying in explanation:
Too muchee dam Yank.
Mrs Rose, of Connecticut, said she
would hang herself if Rose wasn't home
at eight O'Clock. When be came in at
night she was suspended to a beam cold
aud dead, and he ribbed his hands and
whispered; There's a woman who
couldn't tell a lie,
The season approaches when the city
young man will 90 into the country for
a visit. and stand on the front stoop with
his white puts on, while his pretty
cousin viii come running out with
"Boory. Boh!' and hop over arail fence
before he gets lis teeth picked.
II you wan to bring an American
by up right, appeal to his patriotic
feelings. There is a lad in this city
| whose mother cured him Of a bad habit
just by saying to him one day, when she
teIl very nervous. willie, George wash
ington never cracked hickory nuts with
his teeth"