Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-05-21
WHOLE NO. 5l5.


pair of rubhers--a washerwoman's
hands.
Concerted movement--the waving of q
baton.
What is the spiritualists paper? WRAP
ping paper.
A door step is often the first step of life
taken by little waif
Questions of the day-one | or two? z,
$ or C? able or iblc? in or out?
A society question-does entertaining"
entertain in?-LoaceW Courier.
The first thing a man takes in his life is
his milk-the last thing his bier.
The average boyd rather have hip
pocket than be even a circus actor.
When cat sings, does she not do it on
pur-pus: She simply does it to a-mews
herself.
When will there be only twenty-five
letters in the alphabet? When U and
are made one.
The fellow who asked for lock of his
girls hair was informed that sit cost
money, hair does. ."-Boston Post
st. Louis has ten thousand dogs The
natives wear section of stovepipe on
each lep during the mad dog season.
A little man observed that he had two
negative qualities: he never lay long in
bed, and he never wanted great coat.
Two hundred and twenty y-one thousand
school teachers make life burden to IA,
000,O 900 children in these United States
care there any fools in this towr?"
asked a stranger of Hartford newsboy.
"No; do you feel lonesome?" was the re-
ply.
An old lady, on Long Island, says that
'if folks want their boys to make mark
in the world, the suressway is to give 'em
piece of chalk"
Some people don't get enough of them
selves living with themselves every day,
so they keep a journal.-Beeeher. That's
not SO bad as writing letters.
How true, as DR.. johnson says, that
every man endeavors with his utmost
care to hide his poverty from others and
his ldleness from himself
/ When Detroiter was asked the other
day by traveller if he had ever been in
Brooklyn he hastened to reply: 'sDo
/ look like one of that sort of men, sir?"
( 1t is time to stop talking about the soft
ening influence of women. A Massachus-
etts man who has four wives has just been
sent to the penitentlary for stealing horses.
I A Chicago man thinks that the worst
speller ought to get the Dictionary, and
the winner should have wreath of sor.
rel, or some other garden sass, like them
Greeks"
When Western man gets divorce
from a crusading and strong-minded wife,
the papers say, "Mr. So-and-so has re-
signed his position as husband for Mrs.
| SO-and-so.'
I Don't call on me for three days." is
what an Ashland girl posted ON the front
gate, as she further added: "Pm going
to eat some onions this week if never
have another beau"
Every man who mails package sub
ject to the new postage rates drops it into
the hole with the wish that Senator Ham,
el.-Detroit Free Press.
Sooner or later justice certainly over
takes the leader of brass band. A
bridge came along and struck one on the
1 head the other day, as he stood ON the top
OF an Erie freight train.
A sharp talking lady was reproved by
her husband, who requested her to keep
her tongue IN her mouth. MY dear, she
SAID, 'it's against the law to carry con-
cealed weapons. ."-Neu Orleans Bulletin.
Said a gentleman to his mistress, "you
are very handsome" Pooh" said the
lady, $50 you would say if you did not
think So" And so you would think"
answered he, though I should not say
So
If you should tell Vermont man that
carrying six black beans in his vest pocket
wouldn't keep contagious diseases away,
he would set you down as one who be-
| lieved the world was fat.-Detroit Free
Pres
Forbearance is not always virtue, even
in clergyman. Imagine the feelings of
the rural divine who, after getting fifty
cents for marrying couple, found that
the bridegroom had gone off with his new
silk hat.
Sunday school teacher to pupil: "Now
my little man, can you explain to US the
Cause of Adams fall?" Little man, en-
phatlcally, "Yes, sir; cause he hadn't any
ashes to throw on the sidewalk. Brook
Ign Argus.
| Josh Billings says: "1f you are going
to give man anything, give it to him
cheerfully and quick, don't make him get
down on his knees in front of you and
listen to the ten commandments and then
give him five cents"
| A Dubuque boy was rather troubled for
fear that he would not know his father
when they both reached heaven, 5ut his
mother eased him by remarking: "All
you will have to do is to look for an an
gel with red nose on him."
An Iowa Judge, named Noble, recently
sentenced man to three years in the Iowa
Legislature, but the enormity of the pun
ishment dawning upon him, commuted it
to the penitentiary "a second Daniel
come to judgement"
An Idaho gentleman stripped himself,
hung his apparel on the saw-buck, and re-
tired on pile of cordwood His mistake
was discovered by his wife, who over
heard him quarrelling with an imaginary
old woman about there not being cover
enough ON the bed
Kalakaua at last aovices, was back in
Honolulu, skirmishing around the bar
rooms trying to borrow quarter, and
wondering if there is to be found under
the bright canopy of heaven such choice
lot of fools and flunkeys as those he met
in the country he has just visited"
Colonel Prall, of Lexington, KY, says
an old lady on his pension-roll, now living
in that city, was one hundred and one
years old last October. But the old lady
is killing herself smoking pipe. She
has been at it now for the last half cen
tury, and he thinks she can't stand 1t
many years longer.
Even in the saloons, opinions upon
grave subjects are expressed forcibly. A
gentleman slightly under the influence Of
the intoxicating bowl furnished proof of
this fact, a night or two ago. ssWhisky,
zur," he said, chic brightens the intellect
1t ought to be introduced into the public
schools.
A traveller called for mint sauce ct the