South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-07-23

0'At recent spelling match ono
man spelt II ''passnip' and Got beet.

0.At recent spelling match one
man spelt II 'passnip'' and Got beet.
"Sir." said an old Judge to ayoung
lawyer. "you would do well to pluck some
OF the feathers from the wings OF your
imagination and stick them in the tail
Of your Judgment"
IVA Terrc IIaptc girl thinks It a.
bout time some young fellow proposed, as
she has been bridesmaid eight times.
and has been tantalized enough.
EVwe have heard OF asking for bread
and receiving n stone, but gentleman
may be considered as still worse treated
when he asks for ladys hand and re-
ceives her fathers foot.
tV Sidney Smith said the memory OF
a certain kiss followed him for forty
years. How would Plymouth Church
classify such kiss as thatY
@At campmeeting last summer,
venerable sister began the hymn
'.My sonl be on thy guard:
Ten thousand foes arise"
She began in shrill quavers. but IL was
pitched too high. Ten thousand--ten
thousand" she screeched. and stopped.
start her Mt 5,000!' cried n converted
stock broker present.
tS'A young man in California began
to read paragraph about mine TO his
sweetheart, commencing, "Yuba mine
-" when she interrupted him with
81 don't care if do, john
TRUTH AND FALsEIIocD.-I once ask.
ed deaf and dumb boy, What is
truth?" lie replied by thrusting his fin.
ger forward in q straight line. | then
asked him, ''What is falsehood?" when
he made a zigzag with his finger. Try
To remember this let whoever will take
n zigzag path, go you on i'm your course
rs straight rs an arrow TO its mark.
shrink back from falsehood as You would
from venomous viper.
Ia Rufus Choate being i'll, and about
to sail for Europe in search of health.
was escorted to the steamer by friends
one of whom trying to cheer the sick
man, said: "Why, Mr.. Choate, you'll be
in Boston n year hence. "Nly friend"
replied Mr.. Choate, Il shall be here a
thousand years hence
l-V "A shopkeeper purchased of an Ir.
ishwoman quantity of butter. the Jumps
of which, intended for pounds, he weigh.
ed in the balance and found wanting.
''Shure it's your own fault if they are
light" said Biddy, in reply to tue com
plants of the buyer, Its your own fault.
sir, for wasn't it with pound of your
own soap bought here myself that
weighed them WITH" The shopkeeper
had nothing more to say on that subject
t0 The Count de Grasse was once
wounded in the knee with musket ball.
The doctors cut and hacked and made
many missions, when. getting out of pa
tcnce, the count asked why they cut him
up so much. 1--WE are seeking said
the surgeon, "for the BALL. why didn't
you mention that before? / have the
ball in my pocket"
~ The ministers man, at Lintrathen.
seldom INDUCED in the complimentary
vein. On one occasion, however. lie
handsomely acknowledged compliment
by returning another. The minister had
got married, and was presented with a
carriage, for which John was appointed
to provide n horse. Driving out with
his wife, the minister said to John when
starting, "fou have got us a capital
horse" "Weel, SIR said John. its
just about rs difficult to choose a GUIDE
minister's wife and we've been gey ali
lucky wi bath"
WHY THE YOUNG MEN LOVED TO Kiss
HER.-A young lady of about sixteen
summers called for g lass of soda water.
When asked what syrup she preferred.
glanced her lovely eyes over the various
names which appeared on the faucets of
the fountain, she read over the names of
strawberry, cream, lemon, &C., until she
reached nectarine.
''Nectarine ~ exclaimed the beauty.
What IS that? What does il taste like"
The soda water man looked meekly at
her, and charmngly replied that it tast-
ed as sweet as young lady's lips.
Then I'll take glass, sir. with that
syrup" said the charming creature.
lie Immediately prepared glass of
the delightful mixture and handed over
to the young lady. who raised it to her
lips, which bewitchinglyparted TO receive
the contents. She sippingly quafTcd the
cooling beverage, and handing back the
glass innocently remarked that now she
knew why the young gentlemen found
so much pleasure in kissing her so often.
t-E Lord Justice-Clerk BraxGcld was
n man Of few words and strong business
habits. In counting his second wife his
procedure was entirely illustrative ofthe
peculiarities Of his character Calling
for the lady he said to her. without pre-.
liminary remark, Lizzie. I'm looking
ont Tor n wife nnl lL-.u..LL 80. -.