Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-12-30
A Wife's Adventure:

town boarding house there resided
last week a young married coupl.
named Smith-in the story. There
was likewise several young gentle
men and three families, each of the
latter Boosting the possession of two
daughters, 1t may be noted, were
lively, laxative girls.
They were also much given to
visiting each other. aud discussing
the various situations of the day
with vigor and enthusiasm.
Indeed, they frequently pursued
their discussions far into the witch
ing hours of the night, and the sound
of their silvery voices often rose upon
the air long after the other inmates
of the house had been tucked away
in bed for the night. One of the
rooms in which these young ladies
met adjoined the apartment occupied
by Mr., and Mrs. Smith, and it oc.
cured that Mrs. Smith was often
kept awake and much annoyed by
the vociferous performances OF the
youthful females alluded to.
Smith didn't mind it much, be-
cause be courted the drowsy god
with such effect that, as q general
thing, he dropped away to sleep as
soon as he struck the bed, and moth
ing short of grand explosion could
induce him to rise up before the
hours of gentle dawn. Mrs. S. was
not much of sleeper, and she dis
covered that whenever the girls in
the next room got started sweet
slumber was out of the question.
1t made her mighty mad, and she
mentally pitched into those girls in
the most savage style.
She even wished they were dead,
and wondered how people could be
so iilbred.
But still the annoyance vexed her
soul, aud kept her awake.
Until she vowed she would get
even by soaring those girls out of g
years growth.
Her game was to fix herself up in
a coat and brooches the very next
time the girls opened fire, and at
midnight 10 dart suddenly upon them
with yell that would frighten them
into fits.
The opportunity soon occurred.
The next night the girls were at it
again, and they chartered and chat
tered until the midnight hour.
Mrs. Smith wao awake, and she
had her suit Of clothes handy, while
her lord slumbered, unconscious of
the dodge which his wife was about
to pursue.
For she bad thought best not to
let him into the plan for fear be
might veto it.
skipped the ou foF t sd AID t~H aG6 s sRs
breaches. She also skipped into the
hall, and making sudden rush for
the next room quickly jerked open
the door and cried "hallo."
That the girls were frightened ad-
mits of no doubt.
They screamed as only girls scream,
and cried aloud for help, meanwhile
shouting that they would all be MUIR
dered.
At this Mrs. Smith thought she'd
had enough fun and reached wildly
forth
But the screams of the gills had
aroused numerous flying gentlemen.
And in response to the cries of dis
tressed humanity, they waltZed ihto
the hall 10 lively style. They were
valiant men, toe, and they no sooner
caught sight of man running
through the hall than they knew he
was burglar and they fell upon him
fieroely.
They beat him and kicked him,
and were preparing to pitch him
down stairs, when Smith, who had
at last been awakened, appeared up
on the scene.
He took In the situation at q glance,
and be, too, proceeded to hammer
the burglar.
Moreover, he suggested the advis-
ability Of killing the wretch. You
see, neither he nor the rest of the
fellows knew that the burglar was
Mrs, Smith, for the hall was dimly
lighted. Besides, Mrs Smith never
uttered a word, ashamed, no doubt,
to silent suffering.
But when she saw the partner of
her soul pounding her, her spirit rose
within her, and she simply sang out
"Don't don't, I'm Mrs. Smith"
That settled it.
A thunderbolt lodging in the midst
of that party, would not have created
half the CONSERVATION.
The young men who had bruised
the redoubtable Mrs. s. sloped. 1t
NAV be also remarked that they
stood not upon the order of their
clipping, but sloped at once. And
Smith, how was it with him To
say that he was petrified would be
putting the matter very mildly. He
was crushed, absolutely crushed.
And whether it was through re-
| morse-strick conscience, or fear
ful contemplation of what would be
his fate when Mrs. Smith got hold OF
him will never be known. Suffice it
to say, that he carried the lacerated
form of his unfortunate spouse to her
downy couch. And that although
ten days have elapsed since the oc-
currence of the incidents here nara.
ted, she has not left that downy
couch yet.
The doctor says she may be out
next week.
Meanwhile she solemly declares
that all girls in the country may talk
| in the next room until they get black
and blue, before she will make foo
of herself again.
sWA white marble monument
has been erected to the memory Of
Miss Rail the Couup GIRL who was