The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-11-20
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.


statement that when a mouse invades ladie
sewing circle, the women who has on stripe
stockings invariably jumps the highest. An
II nrobably draw its conclusion from the SUI
nostion that she thinks the mouse will try
climb the nearest barber pole
The LYONS Mirror has an item about a bu
fight at Charlotte, in which, As the local accour
has it. the mour ted cuSptdor was defeated, an
"the bull remained master Of the field" We IL
fer from this at the matador was hterall
chawed up and pit out.-Burlington Hd'ckeye.
A st. Louis re erter was sent into the couHtr
to gather crop statistics. About dnSk he reacl
ed spot where the horse power Of threshin
machine had been at work, and he patiently 10
lowed the track nearly all night When wake
up from slumber into which had fallen exhaust
ed, he said that il was n dreadful long dlstanc
between houses, hut that he held out as long a
nis whisky did.-E1.
The report is circulating through the paper
that Professor Swing is going to Brooklyn. lh'
papers of the country are evidently not aware
that Mr.. Swing has many kind, devoted frinds IL
Chicago who, il they believed he had accepted
call to Brooklyn, would quietly take him aSid'
and kill him.
There is one serenading club in Mendotf
which has not been noticed by the papers IN,
members are: Katy Did, soprano; h. Ocust
mezzo. soprano: C. Ricket, tenor; ole Bull frog
basso-MeHdota Baltetn
What part does Miss Keeter take? And e.
Nat, what's he do!
Wendell Phillips speaks of the Venetians using
paper money. Doubtless OMeLlO had just re-
ceived his pay in that currency when he eX.
claimed: " He who steals my purse steals trash
N. Y. Sun.
An exchange gives the following charactcrs-
tics of great cities:
New Yorker says" judge Philadelphia,
II guess" a Bostonion, ~ calc'late," San Fran
ciscan, 81 saby," a Chicagoan, see" Detroit
er, / tumble a Duluthcr, II swar," Mar
quetter, 81 drink"
correspondent of a Chicago paper, writing
from Spain, emf Enthusiastically dilatcs upon the
sleepy, dreamy expression Of the young ladies'
faces. Which explains why they are all called
s'noras we supposedly. Y. AdVcrtiSer.
The New Orleans Republican is around inquir-
ing how the new, that comes through the ocean
cable can be so dly'-EL.
Because the water Of the ocean is SO salt'eh!
Here's the latest thing on artesian wells, as
expounded by our lroquois neighbors: Beets
have grown so deep that when man wants an
artesian well he Just goes out and pulls beet
III
Yes, of course, because those bcets grow in the
swamps.
"Potatoes are drug" observes the Wenona
Tnde1. They may be, Mr.. Secretary; at least they
generally come put up in the form OF pills. and
they are mighty relaxing to hungry mans APP
petite .-hankakee Gazette
The Plano correspondent Of the Kendall Co.
Record speaks of man being participated from
the train The victim is III fair way OF recov
cry, but that correspondent is lingering along
with very little in life to encourage bright hopes
of the futute.-Gdzettc.
That's as bad as to say. that man was Injected
from the cars!
Thirteen hundred letters are mailed from Vas
sar college in one day. just think OF 1t, say
three thousand postscripts between sun and sun.
-Ea.
Not much from sun to sun. They are mostly
from daughters to sons, and those daughters
and sons do not generally belong to the same
family, but little time makes this all right.
A Southern newspaper states that man split
ting rails in Texas with stolen tools was killed,
while ago, by reboundng wedge, and still, in
the face of this awful example, there are people
who forgot the statement that the wedges Of
sin is death"
A Kansas Judge has decided that a ticket that
says admit one" will answer for q man and
wife as they are considered one in law. But
don't let any fond husband move to Kansas on
that account. For If your wife pulls your hair
or scratches your face you can't recover dana
ges as that same Judge will decide that as you
are one, your wife has perfect right to scratch
her own faCe-Iekin Times.
A Wisconsin editor illustrates the prevailing
extravaganza OF the present day, calling attcn-
ton to the costly baby carriages in use now,
while, when he was a baby, they hauled him
around by the hair Of his head
Judging from Stanleys description Of the la
dies he has come across in his African travels,
the pin-back style is not prevalent in that coun-
try-EI.
And for good reasons First, the ladies of that
region have no pins; second, they have nothing
to pin back if they'had pins; third, they wouldn't
pin back il they could. because they are one
point ahead Of our fashionable bellies as it, these
original African females clothe themselves in
natures original simplicity.
"Southward the fierce mosquito wings It's
weary way.'-Thnes.
"And now the cat will new, the dog will have
its day.'-Ho0peStOlcn Chronicle.
Oh! ye demented scribbler, amt it plain TO see
That this here clshmaclaver isn't poet-ree!
lie put an enemy into his mouth to steal away
his brains, but the enemy, after a protracted
search, returned without anythng.-COurier
Journal
We have never dove down deep enough into
the mysteries Of theology 10 discover any logical
reasons why Methodist minister should be
compelled 10 tumble around the country SO un.
tremendously. There are many reasons why q
minister of the gospel, when he is suited with
his field Of labor, should be allowed 10 remain
until he completes his work and gets tired OF
his situation, instead Of being thrust among
strangers with whom he may never affiliate
AiHOr.k Times.
The Times is all wrong. II is done on the
principle that a change of pasture makes fa'
calves. Besides by moving preachers from place
10 place frequently, they have less opportunity
to do mischief. II Beecher, for instance, hat
been moved from place TO place, don't you thinl
that Brooklyn now might have been avoided?
As q master Of the art OF word painting thu