Connecticut western news., 1875-01-08
ADVERTISING RATES :
The Coming Wife.

She's little bit of woman, all pa tience and sunshine, and I'd spoil the best silk hat that money could buy for the privilege of lending her my umbrella in rain storm,
 She's married and she's got an old rhi- noceros of husband. He makes it practice to come home tight at eleven o'clock every other night, and has for years, and he cant remember that she ever gave him a cross word about It. When he falls into the hall she is wait ing to close the door aud help him back to the sitting room, where a good fire awaits him. She draws off his boots, un buttons his collar, helps him off with his coat, and all the time she is saying:
 "Poor Henry! how sorry I am that you had this attack of vertigol I'm afraid that you will be found dead by the roadside some night"
 "Whazzer mean by verzhigoi" he growls; but she helps him off with his vest and pleasantly continues;
 "I'm so gladyou got home all right. ] hope the day will come when you can pass more of your time at home. It is dreadful how your business drives you! "
 "Whaz bizshness-whaz yer talking bout p he replies.
 "Poor ono-how hot your head is" she. continues, and presently he breaks down and weeps, and exclaims:
 "Yez, zrr-zic's orse-wearing zef out fhast's can-wishzi was dead l"
 Next morning she never refers to the subject, but pleasantly inquiries how he slept, and if his mind is clear. His boots may be missing, and he yells out
 "Whar n thunler's my boots !"
 "Right here, my dear !' she replies, and she sends them out all nicely black ed up.
 If she wants dress, or a hat or a cloak, he yells out that the household expenses are eating him up. She never "sasses him back or tells him that she could have married Congressman, nor declares that she will write to her mother and tell her just how it is.
 "That's so, my dear, times are hard, she says, and she gets up just as good dinner as if he had left her $50.
 He may come home tight at supper time but she is not shocked. She re- plies that it is an unexpected pleasure to not to notice his stupid look. He sees three chairs where there is but one and in trying to sit down he strikes the 1OOI llhC d u0IIlCh
 "Whazzer jaw zhat chair way for?" he yells, and she replies:
 "It's that hole ill the carpet-I knew you would stumble p and she helps him up and brings him a strong cup of tea.
 They do not keep servant, and when cold weather came she never thought of planking herself down in chair op- posite him and saying:
 "Now, then you'll either get up and light the fires or there won't be any hghted-mark that, old baldhead v
 No, she didn't resort to any such base and tyrannical measures. When day light comes she slips out of bed, makes two fires, warns his socks, and then bending over him, she whispers
 "Arise, darling, and greet the festive morn! !'
 He's sick sometimes, aud I've known that woman to coax him for two straight hours to take the doctors medicine, turn over his pillow twenty-two times, keep a wet cloth on his head, pare his corn down and then wish she had quail to make him some soup. When he gets into fight down town and comes home with his ears bitten up and his nose pointing to the northeast, she inquiries how the horse happened to run away with him, and she says she Is 50 thankful that he wasn't killed. She has an excuse for anything, and she never admits that any one but herself is to blame about anything. LOT bless her-I hope she'll slip into Heaven and never be asked a question.