Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1875-03-11
Aumuruus department.

THE CHAMPIoN.-Tom Jones is very
great liar, but this story leaves it an open
question whether he has dangerous rival
or not. He came from Jersey, and Sam
Willis, the person referred to, came from the
green hills of Vermont, and both now reside
in little one-horse Connecticut town.
1t is a great habit of Jones to run down
of what he had seen, and what was done
down in Jersey.
Sitting in the village store one evening, he
was telling about a great dairy farm that was
owned by man near Pennington.
"Now that was a farm that old Wilkins
owned. You know'd old Wilkins, didn't yer,
Willis ?" he added, turning, to the old man who
sat there by the stove, solemenly smoking his
pipe. Willis nodded assent.
eyes, I thort you knowed him. Every
body most knowed him who'd ever been in
Jersey. Wall, that ere man makes million
pounds of butter every year." said he.
Of course there was general disbelief man.
ifested right away among the loungers, but
Willis said nothing.
"Fact Ask Willis there he knows it,"
"Well, now, Tom, I wouldn't like to swear
that he makes full million pounds of butter
every year, because what | don't know all
about won't take my oath ter. But'I know
he fats million hogs every year off 'er the
buttermilk, and then has enough left ter run
saw-mil with. I'm very careful what
say, Tom," he added, with twinkle in his
eye.
And now it is question which of the two
is the champion liar.
A SUPPRESSED GEN1Us.-A Detroit father
procured an outfit of oil paints and brushes
for his eight.year-old son the other day, the
lad having developed talent for drawing
Little was seen Of the boy for two or three
days, and then he led them into the parlor,
and triumphantly pointed toproof of his ar
tstic skill. The gilt paper on the walls formed
fine groundwork for him, and he had paint
ed horse over one door, lion over another,
bird over a third and at intervals along the
walls he had brought out fighting dogs, ships,
6re-engines, Indians in full dress, and bears
chasing boys He had put new border on
the baywindow curtains, striped the legs of
the piano, and proceeded totouch up and i'm
prove certain chromos and oil paintings hang
ing on the walls. Father and mother gazed
around, the young artist anxiously waited for
them to pat him on his head and say they
we're proud of such a son. They didn't pat
him-not very much. The father placed the
sons ear between his thumbs and finger, and led
him through several rooms to the woodshed,
and what follows may be inferred from re-
mark dropped by the boy and overheard by
a pedestrian: 90, father! let up on me, and
I'll never be an artist any more"
A New HAT.-The Lawrence american
says: A man went out into an Essex Street
clothing store the other day and bought a hat
for three dollars and half, left his old one,
and said he would pay for it when he came
back. In half an hour he returned, and en-
tering the store, met the proprietor, who was
absent at his first visit. The proprietor was
glad to see the mana neighbor of his-but
observing his new hat, shadow passed over
his face, and he said, "Where did you buy
that hat? can sell you hat just like that,
and good deal cheaper than what you paid
for it." This pleased the neighbor, and
twinkling his eye he asked how cheap he
could sell him one. "Well, you are a neigh
Dor of mine, and you shall have it for just one
dollar and seventy-6ve cents" Every we'll"
replied the customer, "I have on one, which I
got here half an hour ago, and just returned
to pay for" and he counted out one dollar
and seventy-6ve cents and departed for his
suburban home, satisfied at having made one
dollar and seventy-6ve cents on his bargain.
A ECONOMICAL HUsBAND.-A few days
ago a couple from Iowa, on their way East,
had to stopiu Philadelphia, owing to the wife's
illness. They went to hotel, and for the first
day or two the husband didn't complain of the
cost, but when his wife grew worse, and a
doctor was called in and nurse employed,
he began to hang on to the dollars which were
demanded. On the fifth day the doctor looked
serious, and said the woman would probably
die. The husband consulted with the hotel
clerk and with freight agent, and going
back to his wife, he leaned over her and Sob
bed:
20! Sarah Jane you mustn't die herew
81 don't want to leave you, Philetus," she
replied, "but fear that my time has come. y
"Don't O, don't die here" he went on.
"If my time has come, I must CO." she said.
"4es; suppose so, but if could only get
you back home first, I'd save at least forty
dollars on funeral expenses, and forty dollars
don't grow on every bush I"
SwEARING.-A pious elder of the Scottish
kirk, on his way to service one Sunday morn.
ing, saw little girl and boy playing marbles
He wrathfully inquired, "Boy, do you know
where children 60 to who play marbles on
Sunday?" GAY, ay," answered the boy,
"they gang doun to the field by the brig
(bridge). "No," roared the elder, "go to
hell and are burned" The little fellow
looked shocked and frightened, and called his
sister, "Come ava JEANNE come ava, here's
a mon swearing awfully."
VERY DIsGUsTING.-A bibulous gentleman