New Orleans Republican. [volume] (New Orleans, La) 1867-1878, 1875-03-28
The Philosophers Baby.

7
I
The Philosophers Baby.
[ Lad been considering for about yea
whether should marry Winifred Hanwa7
| when / heard that she was engaged to tn,
philosopher. Why did size accept him! |
is true that he is both imaginative ans
critical; but faculties exercised in the FOR
nation of psychological hypothesis, ane
the iab0riOus destruction of those of enc.
neighbor, do not usually rouse the sympathy
of bright and beautiful girl. who is more
tit to live than to think about lite. He i:
certainly handsome, but as certainly his
clothes are barbarous. His trousers can not
keep their shape Tor one day, and his hats
are never new. If he notices the rain he
opens an umbrella which might have served
| as an Intellectual protection at tho time OF
the deluge: if he finds out that it is cold, he
| assumes garment which might have been
the every day coat Of MethuseIah His
manners are as strange as his appearance.
He may often be seen walking in the park
| at the fashionable hour with a far.oh look
in his eyes and his hat thrust back as if TO
lessen the external pressure on his az
| tive brain; more rarely you may hear
| him bursting into enthusiasm in Picca-
dilly. though Piecadilly is the last place
| in which a man should allow himself to be
enthusiastic. In short, though he is true
| friend, he is an unfortunate acquaintance;
and his volcanic utterances, after long peri
| DDS of calm contemplation, cause such
| shocks to ones nerves dis would be conveyed
| to the Sunday citizen By the eruption of
| Priinrose Hill. But, If it was odd that the
beautiful Ninitred Hanway should marry
my friend, 1t was yet more odd that he
| should marry any one. There were no
| topics more certain to excite an explosion
in the philosopher than the excessive popu-
lstion OF the country, and the wholesome
solitude OF the Thinker "How," he would
fercelv ask, Acan man think etfectually
on fundamental subjects who is compelled
by the despicable circumstances of his life
to exhaust his analytical faculty in cnnsd-
ering how to pay his butcher, and when to
buy his Goals? l tell you, sir it's better to
starve with cold and hunger than to debase
ones nOblest part to game OF skill with a
grasping grocer" Again and again l had
heard him declare in this preposterous
fashion and after all, he was going to the
altar like any other victim, and would
doubtless take house upon his back " it'll
the docility OF snail.
| could not solve the problem: would
not give it up. So, full Of the determine
ton to drag Diogenes out of his tub and the
secret out OF Diogenes, | stepped round the
corner to offer my congratulations. NV
friend was in his study, apparently writing,
with rush, wrung my hand till it ached,
and b!ushed rather uncomtortably. Con
CALCULATIONS are the curse of the Britain.
Whether he is offering them or receiving
them, he is obliged to take refuge in inter.
mittent hand shaking and groans. But on,
this occasion 1t was evident that the phi
losopher had something ready to say, and
was neryorsly anxious to say It. "My dear
fellow, don't know when-I really am so
awful glad, Its in every way co. such
satisfactory, yon know really do wish all
possible, and all that sort Of thing you
knOw'-when he burst in with speech so
tuently delivered, that l knew not | was
his earliest visitor that morning. "Of
course its taken you by surprise"
he said, "as l knew it would
but tbs truth is, that l have been
thinking OF it for long time, and am sure
am right Here l tried to put in an ex-
preston of wonder at his new notion of his
duty, but he was bent on being rid of the
matter. and hurried on to his reasons. Sin
the first place." said he, ~ am sure that in
stead Of increasing my domestic worries, |
my marriage viii transfer them in a BODY |
to my wife; and, secondly, when consider
tue vast number Of fools who are every day |
born into the world, am terrified by the |
picture of what tho next generation will be |
il the thinkers of this age are to be without |
successors" Having discharged his rea- |
sons in this wise, the orator stood blinking |
at me as it he feared dissent, but was too |
by his magnificent audacity to |
reply. Slowly 4 look of peace stole back |
into his face, pleasant light dawned in his |
eyes, and the promise OF smile at the cor |
nets OF bis mouth. His remarkable fuency
was gone, and indeed his voice sounded |
quite .choky when he said, johnny, you
don't know what an angel she u.s." A light |
broke in upon me. philosopher" said II |
believe you are going to be married, be. |
cause you fell in love!'' Perhaps YOU are
right" said the philosopher.
After the wedding the philosopher and his |
wife went abroad for an indefinite period, |
and their friends heard but little of them. |
He wrote to nobody. and she did not write
TO me-. Yet there were occasional rumors.
Now they were breathing the keen air of the
now sinking to the chestnuts and
vines OF Chlavenna; now he was flashing
himself to frenzy over the treasures of Rome;
now she was gazing with sweet northern
ayes across the glowing splendor of the Bay
IT Naples. Then they were in Germany,
and about to settle for life in university
own; but anon had fed from it in haste
after long nights dispute, in the course of
Which my learned friend had we'll nigh come
% blows with the university's most cele-
)rated professor.
At last heard that they were again in
london. and, full of enthusiasm, darted
'ound the cornak to welcome them home.
Nobody was them but Mrs. Hanway, VIM.
reds mother. would enter unannounced.
md surprise the philosopher. 1 entered
andswas surprised myself.
Was this the effect of matrimony. or of
oreign travel! Each occupant of the room
vas engaged in an exercise wholly uncon.
ected, as it seemed. with those of the rest.
~ friends wife, the lady whom l had
'lmost loved, queen of all grace and comli.
ess, was appearing and disappearing like
flash behind the days Times showing at
he moments of disclosure face flushed
With excitement, and lustrous coils of hair
umb!ed into the widest disorder, while
he accompanied the whole performance
nth strange and inarticulate sounds Her
lother, the same Mrs. Hanway who was so
erfect model of dress and carriage that
lany OF her lady friends were won't to Ia.
lent among themselves that she gave her |
Elf such airs, was seated ON the floor, dressed
,r walking, but without her bonnet. Yes.
ne was certainly drumming On an inyert.
d tea-tray with the wrong end of the
oker. And the philosopher! 1t was per.
le1ing, after three years separation. to
leet him thus: The philosopher was can. 4,
ring round tho room on all tours, wearing {
4 his head his own waste paper basket' :
ho ro~%oeaA S" |