Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-12-03
Fl IT MO.R.

IL - LIZ ~ IL.
A Shelby (Ky.) paper is responsible for
the statement that a young lady was re-
Gently married in that locality who was so
exceedingly modest when the hour for
tying the matrimonial moose arrived that
she had to be tied to the bedpost until the
ceremony was performed. She was per-
fectly willing and even DESTROYS Of we'd
ding the man of her choice, but the idea
of marrying in the presence of any one
else was more than her modesty could
stand, hence the necessity Of tying her.
A Pawnee aboriginal presented his big
the house of well -to-do family in Lincoln.
The hostess pited the savage, he being SO
poorly clad, and so said: Are you not
cold this wintry day." lie in turn in
quired if her face was cold. She replied
in the negative. whereupon he said: SIN
gin is face all oyer.''
"A compassion, bleeding and bruised, APP
piled for admission to IL Baltimore hospital
tbs other day. It turned out that he had
set up s'the Democracy have an abundance
of pleas'' so as to read that they had ''an
abundance of file So And the editor said
he'd have his revenge if he went to Jail
thirty days for it.
The other day, after receiving a boun'i-
full repast at the hands Of a p,ilinthropic
New England dame, a tramp had the au-
dacity to ask the privilege Of going to bed
long enough for her to wash his shirt. The
privilege was Indignantly refused.
The woman suffragists of New Haven
are wrestling with the question, "Who is
the superhuc us woman?" OF course we
can't tell, but weknow number of family
men in town, each of whom thinks he has
married her-No71cich Bulletin.
The poetic sentiment given below will
find thousands Of endorsers among unsuc-
cessful LOVERS
Be not triimphant little flower.
When on her naughty hearty you lie,
But modestly enjoy your hour;
She'll weary of You by and by
Detroit s'rree Press: IA wife will
hardly ever notice whether her husband
home with strange hairpin sticking in
his overcoat and she'll see it before he
reaches the gate
Here is a Mormon reason for marry ing
a Gentle: ''Why, isn't he handsome! and
then he is good, and then-and them
wanted every bit OF him for myself Father
didn't like 1T. mother didn't like it, but |
did"
Many good minded mother has limo
Gently warped her sons character Satali-
ward by arguing that gray patches could
be inserted into his black pantaloons with
ont the other boys being able to detect the
difference.
A milk man was awoke by q wag in the
night with the announcement that his best
cow was choking He forthwith jumped
up to save the life Of his animal, when,
10! he found turnip stuck in the mouth
of the pump.
A goat followed a Louisville girl two
miles the other day, and she was finally
obliged to rush into a house to escape the
wrathof the Infatuated animal The girl's
striped stockings caused the trouble.
When a stranger asked a Detroit girl,
whom he met at a party, il she was mar
ried, she promptly replied: "Not quite,
but I've sued three or four chaps for
breach of PROMISE
Grand father to his hopeful: MY son,
which would you rather have when you get
home. a little brother OF u little sister ?"
Grandson. swell, would rather have
little pony"
There's one pleasant thing about house.
cleaning. A man can straddle himself
out i'll the parlor for day Or two and spit
on the floor without spelling brussels
carpet.
Il saw: an excellent thing in your
pamphlet" said Daniel O'Connel to a
young writer. ssEh? What, sr?'' was the
eager reioinder. "a penny bun, my
friend.''
An Arkansas paper spells 'sscoIndrel"
with two CPS" in it, One is the ''l'' ;ro-
perly belonging to the word, and the other
is the ~. he gets when they catch Him.
1.-THE prisoner at the bar seems to have
very smooth face" said a spectator to the
jailor. YES replied the jalor; che was
roned just before he was brought in.''
Considerable father: "You should eat
Graham bread, my son: it makes bone"
Responsive youth: III IN, I'm bout all
bones. nOW..'
Let me up" said the under man in Il
fight the other day. Il wo;. It do it, said
the other; sit was too much trouble to get
you down.
In the State of n ew York the man who
ties his horse OF team under shade tree,
also ties him under a penalty of ten dol
lars.
Furnish your own Kerosene says a
sign hung to the door of q I.eayenworth
man who has four manageable daughters.
A Leeds paper says that young widow
in that city, who writes we'll, is training
herselffor an editor. Who is the editor?
When Is a soldiers ammunition box like
q country road9 When it is full of cart