The Milan exchange. (Milan, Gibson County, Tenn.) 1874-1978, 1875-08-05
THE MAN WHO FOLLOWED HIS
NOSE.
BY JENNIE EeGLEsroS ZIMMERMAN.


was always talking of the time when he
should marry and settle down. like other
young men. But. as he had been talking
that way ever since my earliest recollec-
ton, it was quiFe natural that / should
come TO hear the allusion (not TO say illu-
sionl with something like Indifference.
The appearance of rich old bachelor at
the parsonage In a quiet New England vii
lage caused somewhat of a stir in society.
The Sunday congregations increased per-
ceptibly and the sOciables became crowd
ed, while had an unusual number of call
ers all at once. 1t was curious to note.
however, my uncle's utter and innocent
obliviousness of all the maiden ladies above
thirty. For him they existed not; and, al
though he saw good many such, they
being a noticeable proportion of our pop
ulation, they seemed entirely outside Of his
range of perception.
How visibly did Sophia Lenex's spirits
decline when she called, one day. and
Uncle Marvin, after having been intro
duced, went on with his reading, as if the
visitor had been a mother of Israel, when
in truth she was only thirty-five and
charminglv wel-preserve1. Matters were
much aggravated. soon after. when Violet
Ramsay came in to take her French lesson.
and Uncle Marvin, suddenly losing all in
terest in his paper. began to talk to her
with great animation. Violet was only
seventeen, very pretty, and too well used
TO admiration to feel any thing like fiut-
ter at my uncle's attention.
may as well explain at once that, al
though / adhere to common sense and
common use in calling my mothers
brother uncle in this narrative, yet it is a
privilege have nevo, vet been accorded
in real life. Uncle Marvin hasTnever al
lowed nae to call him uncle. Not liking,
either. his baptismal name of Jeremiah, [
have been obliged TO soothe his chronic
Irritation over the bad taste of my grand
parents by shortening his name to Jem.
Actually, call my reveTed uncle-nearly
twenty years my seniOr-by this familiar,
not 10 say undignified title.
"Who knows but that my name is
James. Puss?" he would sometimes ask,
hopefully. The young men whose sweet
hearts he often innocently and unsuspect-
ingly appropriated wickedly called him
Gem, but the dear old young fellow never
knew il.
These two weaknesses-on the subject
of his age and name-were the only fOibles
my uncle had, though he had some pecu-
liarities which he INDUCED to excess. ]
must confess that he humored his nose to
an absurd and incOnvenient extent.
"The nose is the great health officer of
the race, he would often say. "NOXious
substances, such as decaying vegetables,
almost invariably emit disagreeable odors,
thus forcing us 70 get them out of the
way. If we had no noses, we should all
die of typhus. The nose is like the con-
science: neglect its warnings, and then
there's the mischief to paw"
East Slowvlle is one of the whitest and
greenest and cleanest of New England vii
7 lot,
its fair fame in admitting that its cellars
are not all drained and cemented. In
fact, they are many of them much too
damp to pass muster with so theo' etical a
person as Uncle Marvin. So, when one
day Arthur brought home a letter from
that well-meaning though sometimes in
convenient refOrmer. announcing a forth
coming visit, Arthur called it a "visita-
ton - instead. Then | suppose you
mean that il is a visitation of Providence
to make YOU look after the apple and pO-
tato-bins." said | !; for | would not have
my relative abused by any one but myself.
The Sunday after Uncle Marvin's arrival
he went 10 church with us. Now, East
Slowville Church is not a rich society, but
as regards competition with other denOm-
nations has had things pretty much lis
own way. So we have not been obliged
TO build new church, in order TO keep uI
with the times but have cOntented our
selves with repairing, repainting, and re-
furnishing the old structure, built half q
century ago. Like other old things, il has
its faults. and. among others, the ceilings
are low and the windows small. Good
enough for our grandfAthers, of course
but hardly the thing for US.
Our congregations, too, have been in
creasing of late and the church on this
4 L. ,llg ,,,Nls
day in March, and the sexton, mindful OF
the incessant complaints of the cold which
hal been poured into his ears during the
winter, had determined to be above re-
preach. The furnaces were sending up
torrents of hot air. The holy atmosphere
which had been carefully housed in the
sanctuary since its last occupancy was,
naturally, soon exhausted. The preacher,
who had started off in a livery. animated
manner, commanding the atteHtiOn OF
every one i'm the house, soon became pr0sy
and dull and became undeniably drowsy.
As it was my own husband, | am sorry tC
make this confession of his short-lived
zeal: but [ am bound 10 make truthful
chronicle Of events.
OfcourSe, under such duh sermon
the people, whose day of rest it was, by
divine right. soon settled themselves tC
those cosy pew-naps which are such {
refuge from prOSv preacher.
Not so Uncle Marvin. That stauncf
descendant of the Puritans went TO church
for the purpose of hearing the sermon
TOrtures could not have moved him e
wink an eyelash, except as a necessary
Frightening of the eye. He sat bolt up
right listening and looking, TO the end. By
the time the sermon was over he wa.
much too red in the face for the require
el, n,
beauty.
Sabbath-school came imme liately aftel
the church service. and Uncle Marvin, be
ing a devoted teacher, accepted with alac
rijy an invitation to supply vacancy IL
the corps of teachers. As the ciasSe
were getting into position, Uncle Marvin
looked un wistfullv at the closed windows
Hailing the sexton, he begged
Cant you open ,he windows little
the top? This room is very close"
"Too warm. ell? - said the sexton
"rn shut the registers. 'Tis ruther warn
here, that's fact; but better be too warn
than too cold" And he moved of. in th
midst of his words, TO shut of the onl!
supply Of air which stood between us an'
utter suff0catiOn. The hot air which ha'
had been supplied us all the morning wa
drawn from the secluded air of the vestry
hChN ONCl llOtu luC A1SA
Filled with the prayers and praises Q
Zion, it was eminently fit for the inspirs
ton of both teachers and scholars bend
ing over the sacred page. When we me
at lunch, between services, Uncle Mar
wins pent-up astonishment and indigna
tion found vent.
What kind of heaters do you use i
tbe church, Arthurs' he asked, as the
took their seats.
"I don't know the name," said Arthur
..Some sort of portable furnace, | believe
Sometimes it is a refrigerator and som'
times a salamander, L guess; for we free7
and roast alternately.
But have they any connecting fut
with the outside air?' asked Uncle Ma
vim. "where does the air come trol
which heats the audience roemY'