Oxford Democrat. [volume] (Paris, Me.) 1833-1933, 1875-08-03
Stlrttt0 Storp.
For the oxford Deslcraf
A CRAZY. DOCTOR.

he Three greatest misioTluneS which
can beiaL ulan is TO Oe born iudoleul.
rich, OF wiki a good appetite.
bad al these accomplishments. and
hence ny misery was complete. My
parents resided in the city when was
born and I was an only child, pclied and
aiorcd.
tne hrst occupation in which | engaged
was eating The second was doius nothing
aud IN these two Gid faithfully employ
uy ;ime daring the first twenty years ol
ny lie.
Tnyu, oil course. suffered from iudi.
ges,ion aad general debility. aud could
do nothing.
My hands had never been Soicd by
labor, nor had my brain been hardened
wiki heavy load OF facts, though a
good common school education had per.
cpi,ed my cr2uium.
The doctors said must have air and
on, door exercise, So The old folks bought
country seat and sat on il. Good air
soon Increased NY appetite, and q good
supply OF pork lat increased The paugs OF
indigestion.
one day As lay groAning. the old
hou,ekceper came in. uabiiIen. aud was
greeted With a good supply of epilhets
aud iav,c,iV,S You know Indigestion
makes one very good ualurtd. But did
yon ever Try To gei an ol 1 country wo
man ou, of Your room when yon were in
pain or routle2 will give fortune for
a recipe which vii. accomplish that Oh
iect. They are SO sympathetic. and have
so ma,y remedies at their tongues end,
and on you too, If you are not of very
determined nature.
She wanted to know where was took,
and after vain endeavors 10 avoid the
point ia issue finally allowed that ii was
in ms stomach. that organ 81 iearlully
and wonderfully made.
Al once she left and pre- pared mustard
aud hot fannels.
Bat 10 The application | rebelled.
Thinking must be crazy she sent for
the country doctor, aud soon = tall, slim,
bald headed. straight collared old gent
sought admittance 10 my room.
lie Lad been warned. and came not in
bis official capacity. bat called to see the
new occupant Of Misery Mansion.
Finding me 10 pain lac drew forth an
account Of my habits aud history, and
then revealed bis professional capacity
called me lazy Cog. and recommended
the old remedy Of saw-dust pills. the TO-
gradients OF which We're to be manulac'
tured BY Tie patient.
/ was really sick and hence ready to
try any remedy which did not look or
seem ike doctoring.
The next morning l borrowed u saw
and buck. which exertion | presumed
would be sufficient until after dinner,-aI
/ least | took no more.
Eve minutes after the MONDAY meal
was sw allowed. those old nd well known
pains began TO shoot. | went Tor the
.ayr and the wood pile. and sawed until
per,piralion had run from me IN quAntl'
ties sufficient 10 moisten bushel OF the
other pjll material. Then | pulled my
hat over my eyes and lay myself down
upon the shaded grass.
But in q moment was at 1t again
and - | sawed. saw figure stealing
around the house and woodpile. Iher
The wild chuckle of a crazy man greeted
me. Close by stood my friend the doc
tor, raving mad.
7 started to run, but my limbs refused
IN move. and in moment he had seized
me His looks and breath were terrible
hnt was speechless and immovable.
He tied my feet together, pinned my
hands TO my sides and rolled me upon
,be woodpile. Then he commenced
saving. Log after log was cut in two
,r,il he came to where | lay.
Was rolled over and pronounced
..sossoued enough;" and then. imagine
nv horror. as he carried me TO the saw
hncL and laid me in its erotches.
He had carried his saw,-my saw
thor the saw | borrowed. ith him
,hsn he came for this log, and lett i