Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-12-02
ITEMS OF

PARTISAN ladies are said to o like
pencils covered with raiment."
A CACTUS at East Fairfield, Vt, is re-
ported with 215 buds and blossoms.
"HARD-TIMEs PARTIES" and calico
balls" ought to be very popular this
winter.
DEBATING clubs are taking the place OF
last years spelling-matches in the country
towns.
ZERO means nothing until the mercury
in the thermometer reaches 1t, and then
there's trouble.
A "DoWN-EAsT'' editor asks his sub
scriber8 to pay up, that he may play a
similar joke upon his creditors.
IT is estimated that no less than so, 900
snorting, putting and screeching Iocozno-
tive engines inhabit this mundane sphere.
If names mean anything the recent
marriage of Mr.. Grippin n Miss CIinch
gives promise of an occasional lively mat
rimonial set-to.
IT is said that there are more lies told
in the sentence q am glad to see you''
than II any other six words in the En-
glish language.
) LATIN and Greek are all right" said
a Delaware farmer, as he halted his team
" blu gimme a man who can pillow around
an apple tree 'thout touching the roots.'
A MAN in Greenville, Tenn; has capt
ured twenty-seven hawks by setting a
steel-trap upon the dead limb of a tree
upon which they have been in the habit
of alighting.
ANEW YORK rabbi states that he has
admitted thirty-eight Christian male adults
to membership in the Iraelitish Church.
There was a marriage ceremony imme-
diately after each case.
A CAREFUL housewife in Altoona, Pa,
put an e~ighteen-dollar order and a ten
dollar greenback into the drawer of the
coffee-mlll for safe-keeping. Next morn
ing the family enjoyed a twenty-eight-dol-
lar cup of coffee.
A LITTLE fellow only nine years old was
arrested in England a few days ago for
causing the death of a girl eleven years
old. He struck her in the stomach with
his clenched fist, and she dropped imme
diately, dying % after.
THE Specification of pet names appears
to vary according to locality. Out in
Arizona, for instance, a "jolly dog" is a
man who keeps a well-stocked private
uTa va word of 1ooc+ tb1C SC +I,o tor,o, ~
piled in an Arizona paper to one of the
class.
IL there is anything that will bring tears
to the eyes of an Indian tob~acco-sign it is
TO witness a young lady undergoing the
trying ordeal of endeavoring to bring a
fallen clothes-line full of clothes to a re-
alization of its solemn duty.-Detr05t
Free Press.
AT the departure of the Prince of Wales
from England, says the Boston Commercial
Bulletin, a sailor rebuked a landsman who
was laughing at the grief Of the royal
family in the following impromptu:
Ayast with your laughing,
You heartless land lubber;
At such a sad parting
What can Whales do but 6lub6er?
A PHILADELPHIA friend, who reiOiced
in the name of Comfort, paid his devoirs
to a young and attractive widow named
Rachel H, residing on Long Island.
Either her griefs were toonew or her lover
too old, or from some other cause, the of
fer was declined. Whereupon a Quaker
friend remarked that it was not the first
modern instance he had known where
Rachel refused to be Comforted.
SAM SLICK records of Abernethy that the
was once consulted by a dyspeptic Yam
kee, who had recently entered some
diplomatic position in London. AS soon
as the patient had stated this fact and that
he was from the United States the ply
stefan babe him go his way and get we'll.
The Yankee angrily demanded an eNpla-
nation. Why" said Abernethy, "your
official character will compel you to min
gle in civilized society and eat like a
human being, and that will ere long cure
you"
THERE is nothing half so funny as a
practical joke, and this, as told by an
Eastern paper, is a regular rib-tickler:
frederick Walker and Peter Kohler, of
Gutenberg, N. j., stuffed an old suit of
clothes with straw, the other night, and
carried it to Bulls Ferry road and Her
man avenue, where they placed it against
a lamp-post. About midnight they began
an imaginary quarrel in a loud tone, and
continued it until a number Of people
were aroused from their beds. Then they
shot the imaginary man. The body fell
down and the young men ran away. The
neighbors, thinking a murder had been
committed, chased the young men, and
Kohler was shot in the leg before the de-
ception was explained" Think what
solid enjoyment Mr.. Kohler will have
laughing at that for six weeks while he
nurses his leg, and what a screaming farce
it would have been for his whole family
if he had been shot in the head.
A Boys Experiment.
MR.. M. CONRAD WILSON tells the fol
lowing story of his early efforts at farm