Grant County herald. [volume] (Lancaster, Wis.) 1850-1968, 1875-09-30
A Novel Marriage Ceremony.


q peculiar fashion which sOmetime'
proves embarrassing TO strangers
As there is 40 preacher within thirty
miles of the place, the way arranged
for marrying is by kissing across The
table. Recently, New York drum
mer was out there on business. He
put up at private house and became
quite intimate with the family. One
evening he was fooling around one oil
the girls, pinching her. and generally
trying the extent Of her sweet tenn
per. when she gave his whiskers IA
pull and ran. He followed. She got
the table between them. He chased
her around it several times. When
out of breath he stopped.on one side
of the table, and she stopped on the
other He looked at her for a min
ute, making wild plunge, caught
her in his arms and gave her hear
ty kiss. She then sat down on the
sofa with him, and they talked pleas
antly for couple of hours, he think
ing it singular that she should sit up
so late. At last she said, "D0n't
you think it is about time we went
to bed ?" 81 guess you are right" he
remarked, let's 60" She lit candle
and he was about to do the same,
when she said, 81 reckon ones
enough One candle will light two
folks to bed" Undoubtedly il
would" said the drummer, "wnon
those two people occupy the same
room But your candle WON'T illum'-
nate my chamber. Tnc wal between
the two apartments isn't good
light conductor" sAint we gpin' to
occupy the same room? Amt we
married p asked the lady. "Aint we
what ~ shouted the gentleman.
Married. Didn'. you iss ms across
the table? That married usl' A
cold sweat spread over the drummer.
He knew that if he said be was not
married to her she wouli make an
cutlery, and her loving and much
tobacco-cons1 ming father would
arise in his wrath and carve him in
to outlets with al .1Arkansaw tooth
pick" and her brothers wouli bring
down their shot-guns and empty the
contents into him. H must ba
stragetic He must put GER off 50
be said "FAirest Of YOUR sex, per
NIT me TO remark that | did not
know that kissing across rs al
constituted marriage coram my.
But | am content | have never
SO % one who s. cOmfl tel, i'll /
my ideal Of beautiful, sweet, living
and modest woman. However, |
would never think of holding you to
this marriage until | had asked the
permission of your father to pay my
addresses to you. To morrow, at
dinner, when the entire family are
present, will propose for your fair
hand" This satisfied the Lady, and
after bestowing upon him fervent
kiss, she went to her room and he
went TO his. He packed his carpet
bag, took off his boots, and made
tracks for the nearest railroad sta
ton. He didn't feel entirely safe
until he had reached st. Louis. He
hasn't Informed his wife of this little
He's afraid that she
m ght write out to Arkansas for the
full facts in the case, and then he
might get arrested for bigamy.
Women sometimes won't listen to
reason, you know.
Cyan inventor at Oskaloosa,
Iowa, has patented a coffin which
does away with some of the old
funeral trappings. 1t is made of
cement composition hard "a stone,
air-tight and waterproof, and con,
sists Of three sections, which are put
together at the grave. No rosewood
casket, no gloomy hearse; the dead
man is borne to the grave in the
arms of his friends, takes his place in
his stony sarcophagus, and sleeps the
sleep of the just. A man could take
some comfort in a coffin like that
1t is proof against the boiy-ena
ers, and will not decay and fall away,
leaving ones bones and ashes for
vulgar fertilizer. Under the present
sy stem, if person dies in city his
remains are likely to be dug up in
about fifty or hundred years and
be carted of TO "raise the grade" on
somebody's l)w-lying lot. The Os-
kaloosa stone coffin will put stop to
all this. 1t is aristocratc and eX
elusive.
nA-The New Orleans Times tom
perately observes that whiskey is al
ways kicking up rumpus some
where. Sometimes it nestles in the
hat of man as jolly as brick,
sometimes in the boots of man as
kissing serpent, and anon it wraps
the pavement around the weary
traveller and induces him to believe
the flags patchwork quilt, a stone
sill soft bolster, the street lamp
bedpost and the gutter a babblIng
brook. 1t is worse than Banquo's
ghost, yet unlike that classic spook,
it will "down" at any mans bidding
s1A hundred and fifty years ago,
when they wished to build city
where Baltimore now stands, old
Mr.. Carroll sold for the purpose
sixty acres of land at forty shillings
per acre, and agreed to take pay in
tobacco at penny penny per pound,
If he had kept the price of his
tobacco until now, turning it over
doubling it at compound interest, he
would have had moro money than
the city, with all its buildings, is
worth.
sYT The bottom of the steamship
Great Eastern was lately examined,
and found to be covered, below the
waterline, with an enormous multi
tude of muscles. clustered together
in one dense and continuous deposit,
in some places six inches thick. 1t
was ascertained that their average