The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-08-10
Gleanings.
The Oldest revolver-the earth.
A two.foot rule-don't stumble.

The Oldest reyolver-the earth.
A two-foot rule-don't stumble.
A smart thing--a mustard plaster.
How to become puffed up-swallow
pint Of yeast.
Academy Of Design-a young ladys
boardiug-school.
With most men life is like back.gam.
mon, half skill and half luck.
If you will take away the al" from
noise, you will have nose left
Most people are like eggs-too full of
themselves to hold anything else.
What is that which must play before
it can work "A fire.engine.
1t is no sign, because a man makes
stir in community, that he is a spoon
What is that which ties two persons,
but only touches one? A wedding ring.
EpITAPn.-"Here lies W. W., who
never more will trouble you, trouble you"
When do the teeth usurp the tongues
prerogative? When they are chatteripg.
Why is church bell more affable than
church organ ? Because one will 20
when it is toAed, but the other will be
"blowed" first.
IAN acre and half of potatoes and
sixteen bushels of bugs" is the way
farmer in Highland county put it down
on an assessors blank.
"What did you hang that cat for,
Isaac ~ asked the school marm The
boy looked up, and, with grave look
answered For mewtiny, marm ~
1t is singular that mineral waters are
only beneficial to the wealthy. We nev.
er knew physician to advise poor man
to 60 to any watering place.
Somebody has calculated that three
million words were used by the parties
in the Tilton- Beecher trial. And yet
they produced no sentence.
"Our inside contains to-day" says
cCnntr, editor, "'Dyspepss, Crooked
Whisky, "A Chinese Restaurant and
various other interesting articles.
A teacher cateehising his scholars,
put the following question "What was
made 10 give light to the world ?"
Matches" cried one of the youngsters
Would you like to raise the ire of an
editor? Just send him long commun-
cation written on both sides Of the paper,
IN bad hand. 1t is sure to do it, Try
it, skeptic.
A subscriber writes to an editor in the
west: al don't want your paper any
longer" To which the editor replies:
81 would not make it any longer even ii
you did its present length suits me-"
Housemaid Gust eDgaged)-"I should
like to be shown my room, ma'am." La
dy OF the house Startled d)-"Oh, if you
like you'll find it comfortable. =
Housemaid-"I should like to know If
it's large enough for my piano"
Elder sister (condescendingly)-"See,
Ethel, you had better come and walk in
my shadow. 1t will be cooler for you"
Younger sister (who resents patronage)
-"You are very good, Maud; but |
have shadow Of my own, thank you
The editor of the Taunton Gazette has
been eating em, for he says The come.
y cucumber cometh, conveying countless
cases Of cholera aud collie, causing cheer.
ful comments on the part of the com
FOUNDER Of curiou, but comforting cor
dials.
Give boy market basket Of grocer.
les to carry home and he will swing it
across his spine, bend half way to the
ground and groan with agony. but give
him that weight OF base ball bats aud he
will skip along as cheeriully as a potato
bug in ten acre lot.
certain young gentleman Of Evans
ton, Ind, recently accompanied a young
lady to a train to see her safely started
on her journey. He carried her railroad
ticket in his pocket for safety. aud found
it there-when he reached home, some
| hours after the train lef.
AT spiritual camp meeting held at
Dubuque, iowa, last week, medlumlslie
response to the question. "How long is
it going to rain" was. The clouds are
pouring out water and so long as the
clouds keep pouring out water it will
rain" And then they knew all about it,
"What are ye dancing around fur ?"
inquired boo:black yesterday of boy
acquaintance whose face was covered with
smiles, and who was executing a double
shuttle "Glory nuif for one day !" re.
piled the lad, jumping still higher. "Cow
got into the garden this morning aud
tramped every bed fat az yer hat, and l
won't have to pull weed this summer :"
-Ticks5urg Herald
A lumbermsn, being but poorly pro
vided with materials of sustepance for
his men, fed them with pork cooked vita
the rind upon it. A young man of the
company. not liking that outer portion of
the food, was observed by tho host to be
: carefully removing the outside covering.
Whereupon mine host said: young
I man, We eat rind and all here" To
7 which the youth replied, "All right, old