The Kenosha telegraph. [volume] (Kenosha, Wis.) 1860-1888, 1875-04-22
Wit and HumOr.
BIER gardens-cemeteries.

HEELING mediums shoemakers.
WHAT animal comes down from the
clouds? Rain, dear.
WHEN sweet oil is put into a castor
does it become castor oil?
WHAT is that which, by losing an eye,
has only nose left? A noise.
PARTY ties-those little white chokers
worn by blonde gentlemen who part their
hair in the middle.
Mr.. SPNKs is not going to do any
more in conundrms. He asked his wife
why he was like a donkey, and she said
because he was born so. He says the
answer is very different from that.
PATIENT to doctors, after consultation:
"Tell me the worst, gentlemen. Am
going to die?" Doctors: eve are di-
vided on that question, sir. But there
is majority of one that you will live
At printers festival lately the follow
ing toast was offered: Woman: second
only to the press in the disseminating of
news!" The ladies are yet undecided
whether to regard this as compliment
or not.
HIS Honor of the Police Court wanted
to use boy as witness the other day,
and he inquired Club, do you know
what an oath is?" eyes, sir" replied
the boy, Gathers used em ever since [
can remember !"-Detron Free Press.
A NEWSPAPER out West thus heads it's
report of fire: "Feast of the Fire
Fiend-The Forked- Tongued Demon
Licks with it's LUrid Breath a Lumber
Pile Are the Scenes of Boston and
Chicago to be Repeated ?-Loss $3.50"
A MAN named Dag gett, after warning
everybody by advertisement in the
Hartford Times not to trust Mrs. D.,
burst into poetry as follows:
Happy day when got home
Happy day and found her gone
SHE is a perfect Amazon" said a pu-
pill in one of our schools of his teacher
yesterday, to a companion. eyes,
said the other, who was better versed Id
geography than history; 81 noticed she
had an awful big mouth.
A MARRIED lady was complaining to
widow of her husbands cruel SANDERS
upon her, when the widow grimly re-
piled: GIVE had three husbands, and
not one of them lives to say a word
against me. Dead husbands tell no
tales
A GIRL screamed in a lecture audience
in Lafayette, Oregon. Then all the
other girls screamed. General conster-
nation ensued, and a rush for the doors.
People were bruised, clothes torn, and
the room at length was empted. The
first screamer had seen rata real one.
JOURNALISTIC Scene: A sub-editor's
room. Sub-editor has evidently been
dining. Small boy (from irate proprie-
tori -"Mr, Macfnigan wants to see you
Immediately, sir ''Tell him Tn out -
Small boy-I told him that, sir, and he
said was to go and find you" Sub (af-
ter deiberation) -"Well, go and find
me. Punch.
SOMETHING always happens to spoil
any great speech which a Detroiter may
try to get off, Yesterday among the peo-
pie at the ferry dock to see the ice sweep
by was long-haired, profound looking
man, whose soul took in all the grandeur
of the scene. He had just raised his arm
and commenced: Chow puny is man
compared to nature and her" when
warehouse clerk rolled barrel of beans
against his legs, and the long haired man
sat down on his plug hat, which was "
ing on the dock. He wouldn't even be
a spectator any longer. -Detroit Free
Press.
ONE of the late New York illustrated
humorous papers has an irresistible cut.
This is the scene: An old gentleman is
walking in his garden. Presently the
milkman comes along outside the high
garden wall and gives his customary yell.
Old gentleman hears something, but be-
ing very deaf, is unable to make out just
what is wanted; so he puts his ear trum-
pet in place, and elevating the bellend
of it over the wall, exclains, "Here! p
Mlkman takes it for dish, empties the
quart of milk into the old gentleman's
ear, and goes on about his business.