Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-05-14
Gleanings.
Music by hand-a street organ.

Music by hand-a street organ.
A Baltimore man was delivered of an
address"
Time is money, and many people pay
their debts with it,
A depraved punster says he shall smoke
if he chews too
Retiring early at night will surely short
en- mans days.
When man bows to circumstances he
is forced to be polite
He was Warm Spring Indian the mo-
ment he sat down on hot stove.
The dog who leads the blind man to the
different free lunches is a bar pilot.
The sentinel who did not leep on his
watch had left it at the pawnbrokers.
The Spaniards believe that Jack the
Giant-Killer was real parsonage, and that
he lived in Canada
Mark Twain says the Sandwich Island
ers are generally as unlettered as the other
side of tombstone
Avoid annoyance: be cautious and kind
ly. 1t is not safe to trample upon SO
humble thing as bit of orange peel.
Why are the days in summer longer
than the days in winter? Because 1t is
hotter in summer, and heat expands
The best way to play billiards is to sit
in high chair and make remarks, because
hnv a rf.,rt, to h4xr t1,n
balls may circulate.
A Chicago deputy sheriff was refused
free admission to a Chicago theatre. By
way of revenge he impanelled the man.
ager on petit jury.
The spelling schools that are spreading
all over Ohio are said to have demonstrated
the fact that a woman can spell five times
better than man.
Pleasant-faced people are generally the
most welcome, but the auctioneer is al
ways pleased to see man whose counte-
nance is for bidding.
A printer. hard of hearing, at spelling
match the other evening asked the captain
to 'Write the darned word down so fel-
low can tell that it's
A handkerchief of William Penn is to
be on exhibition at the Centennial, and
curious correspondent writes to ask if it is
the original Penn wiper.-Mail
She's regular coquette, this Miss Pa
citic Mail. Do you notice how she jilts
her first love for her second, and don't
consult PANAMA on the subject, either?
1t is noted that all great humorists are
sober and sedate, with melancholy cast
of countenance 1t is rather serious bust
ness to be funny.-Richnaond Enquirer.
The Cleveland Herald stands up for
three-card monte men. Some folks when
they have scraped little money together,
forget old friends -Rochester Democrat.
Another $4,000 COW will never more
be bothered by blue bottle flies in this
world. The Fourth Dutchess of Oneida
has been driven home by the Angel Of
death.
A newspaper biographer trying to say
his subject was hardly able to bear the
demise of his wife" was made by the in
exorable printer to say, wear the chemise
OF his wife"
A printer out West, whose office is two
miles from any other building, and who
hangs his sign on the limb of tree, ad-
vertises for boy. He says, "a boy from
the country preferred"
First class in geography.-'H many
States in the Union:" "The books say
thirty-seven, but the newspapers have it
thirty nine" The newspapers are ahead,
as usual my son. Go to the head.
Mrs Evarts said to Mr. Evarts yesterday
morning: Get up and open the hampers,
William;" and Mr.. Evarts said. absently,
turned over for another nap, Your honor
will please note my exception"
Two Irishmen travelling ON the Balti-
more and Ohio railroad track, came to
a mile-post, when one of them said:
Tread aisy, Pat; here lies man 108
years old-his name was Miles from Balti-
more"
An 1rishman with a heavy bundle on
his shoulder, riding on the front of a
horse-car, was asked why he did not set
his bundle on the platform. He replied:
BE jabers, the horses have enough to
drag me. I'll carry the bundle'
The Graphic is authority for the state
ment that during the war General Tracy
charged at the head of his column on
many bloody field, and after the battle
has often been seen sitting under tree,
combing the cannon balls out of his hair"
The Dan6urian is responsible for the
following: The boatswain's pipe will not
be loaned to you to smoke. It's mistake
to inquire the time of day by the larboard
watch. Don't think you can steer u boat
because you have been tiller Of the soil.
Miss Eastman, of Boston, speaks of
"eyes as sparkling as buttons on an angels
underclothing." 1t is startling compari-
son, and the melancholy part of it is the
suggestion that we fellows have got to be
troubled with buttons over there as well
as over here.
A country youth, who desired to know
how to become rich, sent a quarter in an
swer to an advertisement and received the
following valuable recipe: Increase
your receipts and decrese your expendi-
lures. Work eighteen hours a day, and
live on hash and oatmeal Cruel"
A theatrical company was doing in
special car, in silence, when the train
stopped and the brakeman yelled ELIZA
beth' A ballet girl sprang to her feet,
half asleep, and cried: where's Beech.
err" and then hid her face amid the roars
of laughter which followed the unfortu-
nate association of names.
A cotemporary asks: "What are the
street lamps for?" The man who dosn't
know what street lamp is for is hardly
fit to sit in an editorial chair and mold
public opinion. Street lamps are for
weary young men to recline against at
midnight, when they forget their way
Herald.
A Western editor, thinking to stock his
depleted larder, advertised Poultry taken
in exchange for advertising" The vii
lainous compositor, seeing his opportunity
to pay up long standing grudge, set it up:
Poetry taken, &C." and since that time
the office boy has been clearing fifty cents
a day from the waste paper man."
TERR1BLE.-A Danbury girl received a
porous plaster in a gorgeous envelope
bearing a monogram. About ten o'clock
that night the owner of that monogram,
standing disrobed before his fire, prepara-
tory to applying remedy to his chest,
tainted dead away ON drawing from a