Smyrna times., 1875-05-12
How She Could and Would Boss at
Funerals.
a DETROIT YARN WITH 4 Ioc,1 ,pr,,c,r,o>

II All women We're rs cool and matter.of
fact as Mrs. Stun! But She is ono Of .
thousand. Shewas over at Mrs. Moodys on
Maromb street, the other day. her iron rr,v
llalf c"mbed down fiat and her spectaclcs
adjusted to gossip range, when She suddenly
rose and said:
Mrs Moody, be calm. Where do vou
Keep the camphor bottlc?"
"Why?' asked Mrs. Moody.
brca'ls" they are bringing your husband
through the gate ON a board think he's
mashed dead, but be calm about it! III
stay right here and SEQ to things =
Mrs. Moody threw up her arms and fell
down IN Il dead faint, and Mrs. Stun oncpod
the door as the men laid the body ON the.
porch
"ls h" drad?" She asked calmly.
= think So. answered one of the men
the doctorll b" here in a minute"
he dortor cam" up, looked at the vie.
tlm' and said life had h,,I adding:
Ills back and four or five ribs are
broken"
That 5 sensible. that Is, said Mrs. Stum.
gazing at the doctor in admiration. ..~omo
phI~lri'nS would have said that hi. v,}tr.
hfi' was morally wounded and would have
s"n" on to talk about the 'larynx.' the
ARTERIES, til" optic nerves and tn. .,Ii,,,
ho~'S. If hes dead, it will be som. satic.
faction TO know what he died of. Well. Iuo
IN the body and send the boy after am
undrrtak,r."
! lie men carried the body through 10 a
bedroom, and Mrs. Stun went back to
Mrs. Moody, who had revived and va.
walIing and lamcnting.
Don't Jula--lon't take on So co,,tin.
urd Mrs. Stun. "Of course Won feel
badly. and this interfcrcs with tokin, N,
carpets and cleaning house. but its pleasant
w"athcriora funeral. and think the cornsc
Will look as natural as life"
"oh My poor poor husband" walled
Mrs Moody.
I'll" was good husband. I'll swear TO
that continued Mrs. Stun. "but he was
drradiully careless To let house fall ON
him. Be calm, Mrs Moody I've sent for
ON" of the best undcrtak,.rs in Detroit anl
You'll be surprised at tie way he'll fix m
the deceased"
hen the undertaken came in. Mrs
Stun shook hands and said than death
wa~ sure to overtakc every living tbinc
sooner or later. She mentioned the kind
OF collin sh" wanted. stated the number Of
hacks, the hour for the funeral. and hold
tn" end Of his tapc-lino while he measured
the body
Several other ncighbors came in and She
ordered them around and soon had cvorv.
thh% working smoothly. The widow was
sent t" her room to weep ont her grief
l"ors and windows were opened. and ..
Mr- Stun built up a good baking fire She
said:
Now, then, we want pie and cake and
''lrr ana raised biscuit and floating islands,
He'll hay" watchers. and they must have
'cnty to eat"
hen the baking had been finished tLe
'"iiin and the undertaken arrived. and tbe
body was placed in its receptacle. Mrs
STUN agreed with the undertaken that tho
ace W"r" natural expression. and when
ic was gong away She said:
lie around on time! Don't put in anv
'rond-claSs hacks, and don't have any
ntch in the proceedings at the grave
From that hour until > o'clock Of the
'r"nd day thereafter she had full charoe
he widow was provided with black bon.
'ct' Grape shawl, etc. the watchers fornd
'I"nty to eat. a minister was sent for. eicb-
cen chairs We're brought from the noiob-
orS' and everything moved along like
ocll-work.
on must bear up, She kept saying to /
h" widow. "IIouSc cleaning must Lo .
one" that back yard must be ralled off
ne pcn-stock be thawcd out, and Won I
avrn t time to sit down and gricvc. His /
ie was insured, and wcll go down next a
eek and select some lovely mourning 5
oods"
Everybody who attended said they never $
wv funeral pass off so smoothly. and v
hen the hack had landed the widow and L
IrS. Stun at her door again, Mrs. Stun L
,kcd:
"Now, didn't you really enjoy the ride. s.
ter all ?" 9
And the widow said She wouldn't have -
'licvcd that she could have stood it so h
ell. E
A .t"oy joke and all the more paIotoblc
ITS truth can be vouchcd for, saws New !
'rS"y paper, occurred at prominent !.
lurch in that State 1t seems that = !,
orthy deacon had been very industrious a.
selling new church book. costing 75c ;,
the service in question the minister. =,
st before dismissing the congregation r
sc and said "All yc who have children u
baptizc will please to present them next f.
lbbath.' The deacon, who bv the wov was 70
little deaf, having an eye on selling the Fl,
'oks, and supposing the pastor was refer, III