Shepherdstown register. [volume] (Shepherdstown, Va. [W. Va.]) 1849-1955, 1875-10-16
THE BEST cow IN PERIL.

BY all his friends he is SAID TO De
AS tight;as the bark on young birch.
tree. 81. @a.t
He goes to church, and rents a pew
But the dimes he gives TO the Lord are
few, ! <,
If he gets to heaven with the good and
great. .aa.J
lie will be let iii at the smallest gate.
Now, farmer B, :, besides drags and
Keeps a number of very fine calvesiand
COWS: M ,,....i -li = rr}
He makes no butter, but selds by ex-
The milk to the. city'sl thirstiness.
"What do the city folks know about
milk? Ltl/tfJ !4Til ~
They art, better judges Of cloth and
silk: ..l., p..,
Not man who buys, | vow, can tell
Ii | water it not, or water it we'll
Ii they do not know, then where's the
sin?
I'll put the sparkling water IN, e
Thus talked TO himself old farm er
s.. B; =.
How mean he is young and old can see.
One night it was dark, oh, fearful dark;
The watchdog never came out to bark;
Old farmer b in his bed did snore,
When rap, rap, rap, nearly shattered
his door,
And a voice cried out, with hasty
breath;
Your best COW, neighbor, is choking
to death!
Chipping off the end of rousing snore,
Farmer Is - bounded out on the bed
room floor,
And the midnight voice was heard no
. more. r,...,
He pulled on his pants, he knew not
how, r-.-,
For his thoughts were all on the chok-
ing COW.
He flew to the yard like frightened
deer,
For his stingy soul was filed with fear.
Looking around by his lanterns light,
He found that the COWS were theie all
right. ........
81 will give dime" cried farmer
'To know who played that trick on me;
May the hand be slill and the knuckle
be sore
That Knocked tonight on my farm
house door.
With scowl on his face and shak-
ing head,
Farmer b again sought his nice,
warm bed;
No good thoughts came, they were all
overpowered; ......
The little good nature he had, had
soured. .,t
When he went to water his milk next
day,
The midnight voice seemed again to
say,
As he pumped away with painting
breath:
"Your best COW, neighbor, is choking
TO DEATH
The meaning Of this he soon found out,
For a stone was driven in the old
pumps spout.
Old farmer B, when he drives to
town,
Now meets his neighbors with a savage
frown;
They smile and ask, as they kindly
bow;
"How gets along the best COW now?
ssez,<-s-<4~1--.slz.z----s,-
"Nor YoU LIVES ON, ANYWAYS. A
citizen of Toledo. in the ordinary cur
t.of business, become possessora OF
the note Of a German saloen-keeper.
The note becoming due, he took it to
the party, and presented it for payment.
The man was not prepared to !iqnldate
his obligation, and asked for an, iiexten-
sion OF time. This being granted, and
the conditions settled properly, he was
turning to leave when the German
said: ..Shoost wait van leedle whiles,
unit I gifs you Elm glass goot peers"
'No, thank you, don't drink beer,
was the reply.
We'll den, l gifts you yeeskees that
peter as so mooch.
''No. thank you, 1 don't drink
whisky"
"Sho. den, know how fix you: l
haf goot vines jerking down bottle
with flourish.
Again The quiet "No, thark you, l
don't drink wine. '"- y!Bt3
"votl you don thinks holdings; veil,
l Gifts you Elm good shegar."
Once more, No thank you'll don't
smoke -'a
"Mein Goot," exclaimed the Dutch
man, throwing up both hands, ''no do
baeoo, no noddingsNyot you live on,
anyways = potatoes, eh?"f- Toledo
Blade.
An OLD Man KIcKEDro DEATH BY
Ills SoNs.-In Jersey City, on Monday,
physician was called TO attend dy-
ing man named Michael Goodwin.
The man presented pitiable appear
ance. His face was bruised aud his
reck was so hlackeued that it was evi
dent he had been subjected 10 great
violence. lie died soon after the nbv-