National Republican. (Washington City (D.C.)) 1872-1888, 1875-05-19
AN UNDERTAKES GOSSIP.

Mr.. smirk's Tribute to Jim Roach, Deceased.
Mr.. Watts stepped over to Mr.. Smirk's under
taking shop the other day. Mr.. Smirk was shay
ing of the corners Of q coff1n-lid, but looked up
with a sigh when Mr.. Watts came in, and laid
his jack. plane away and trotted out two little
stools, motioning to Mr.. Watts to be seated. Mr..
Smirk is an humble little man. His voice is a
mere ghost of voice, II the substance of 1t had
departed this earth, and when he is talking fire.
Quently loses the connection, and his eve WAnders
about as If he were looking into another world.
Its fine day." whispered Mr.. Smirk, as he
wiped his brow.
Eyes; quite fine"
81 understand poor old Mrs. Bates is about to
CO." sighed the undertaken, looking mournfully
into Mr.. Watts face; "but she'll make one Of the
prsttiest corpses you ever looked at; deeK out
in q white head dress and q mahogany coffin and
shed look beautiful; and put bunch of daisies
in her hand. Daisies is what adds the poetry to
q corpse" and he smiled dreamily as he contem.
plated the picture that his imagination had con-
Mr.. Watts suggested that violets or lilies of the
valley would be more appropriate.
"Do you think so?" softly asked Mr.. Smirk.
''Well, some likes one way and some likes another
You never saw
jim ROACH
fix up q corpse, did your He had more poetry in
him in half an hour than hits me in year" and
Mr.. Smirk shook his head sadly, and his eyes as
sumed that absent look as IL he was watching a
train Of spirits long way of.
Mr.; Watts said that he had never heard Of Mr..
Roach.
"Never heard of Jim Roachr' and then he added
in a musing manner, "Jim was RATHER; learned
tbe profession under him. Tastel 1t must have
been q real pleasure To a corpse to be handled by
him. The way he usei to pull out little friiI
here, and pin on q ribbon there, and stick faVOrs
and flowers all around, pretty much everywhere,
must have made deceased feel like smiling, If
anything would" and Mr.. Smirk again shook his
head and drew his stool up little nearer to Mr..
Watts.
Executive abilityy I've seen that Jim take
two funerals at the same time, without ever Civ
ing the least cause Of complaint to either party;
Once he got the ministers a little mixed up, and
sent Baptist minister around to an Episcopal
house, and set the Episcopal Teller preaching
over the Baptist corpse, but the mistake was dis
covered after awhile and the preachers were
changed, and everything went smooth after that.
But he never let anything furry him. He'd stay
and then he'd steal out and slip into the other
place and look after the pall-bearers, and maybe
6 p sSs Sn .i hssS 9 h cry WITH me family
drop tear int the coffin and
SCREW DOWN THE LID
before Juggling it out to the hearse and do every
thing so as TO give the utmost satisfaction to
every one. His manners, too, were so progresses
ing. The most scrupulous person Couldn't object
TO his gIief 1t was Of that silent kind which
always tells. I've known families TO beg him to
be little more cheerful, so as people wouldn't
say that he appeared more sorrow-strcken than
the regular mourners. oh, he tDGs team! He
was the shining light q III: Ms. profession ,s He
boys together after work, and talk to us in his
quiet way, and give us advice about things that
we'd have to do;r and Smirk stopped 70 wipe
away tear that was stealing down his cheek.
"He's gone, poor Jim! He was too good TO live.
He killed himself poor fellow, weeping over
others. He Just melted away in tears. II there
was ever q man who went up, Jim did; and ex-
pect he is mopfng around there now, chewing on
the ends Of pair Of black cotton gloves, with
tear triekling of the end Of his nose. All, Jlml'
And Mr.. Smirk, after gazing vacantly through
the trsnsom ut the miniature coffin swinging over
over the door, sighed heavily, and, picking up
his plane, ehipped away at HIS work. and Mr.
Watts strolled home, impressed with the idea
that little pride and emulation is good thing
in any path Of life.