The Portland daily press., 1875-08-24

MIR. AND MRS. MCSTINGKRs . CONFLICT WIgu
THE ROCKING CHAIR.-Old McStinger was 90
ing to bed little wavy the other night, and
not @ wishing to disturb Mrs. McStinger. whe
has tongue like rat-tail file, he Thought 10
just as we'll not to turn on the gas. He got on
very well until he reached the door Of ths
chamber where his patient wife Law sleeping.
Here he paused a moment, balancing on bis
heels like pole on juggisr's nose. Thsn be
made dash for it, in order to make bee line
across the floor. G - -
Mrs. McStinger. with her usual exemplary
tortitude, had placed the rocking chair with
such gifted skill that no man could come into
the rsGn without cunning over ii 90 the nr:t
of against the rocker, which Knocked the seat
against the crazy bone of his knee aud ma de
one OF the long arms prod him in the stom acb,
simultaneously he fell over the chair crosswiss
and 1T kicked him behind his back before he
could get up from the floor, as he stood on ALI
fours The engagement was now fully opened.
When q m IN begins falling over rooking-chAirS
in dark room, he ought always to have three
days rations and forty rounds.
Before McStlnger could get up straight his
knee came down on one OF the long rockers
behind, and the back Of the chair came down
un his head with whack that laid him out fiat
on the floor, and before he could move the chair
kicked him three times in the tenderest part Of
ms rl0s with the sharp end of this rocker,
This made him perfectly furious, and be scram
bled up ard made q blind rush ct the chsif
determined to blow up the enemy's works. He
ran square against the back, and it rocked for
ward With him, turning com plete somersault
over the handles, throwing McStinger half Way
across the room and landing on top Of him,
digging into his abdomen like bulls horns. se
he lay spread out on the under side 1t would
have been good thing for McStingsr il he
had lain still then and let the char have its
own way.
1t lay fat on its back with the long points of
the rockers embracing his abdomen, and didn't
seem to want to do anything active just then.
But McStinger couldn't make up his mind to
give 1t 40 yet: He rolled over sideways and
upset the chair. 1t fell with crash on it's SIDE,
giving him furious dig in the liver, which
made him straighten out his legs spasmodlca
barking one shin from the instep to the knee on
the rocker which hung in the air, and getting
the chair on its feet again., where 1t STOOD rock
ing backward aud forward at him ike wary
old ram making feints of bucking it's adversary,
in order to throw him of his guard. The blow
in the side nearly finished McStinger, and
while lying there rubbing his wind back again,
he was Just beginning to reflect whether his
honor required him to proceed any further in
the affair. when Mrs. McStinger Suddenly BE-
gan screaming all the names in the crimes act
under the impression that the Charley Ross
a6ductors we're trying TO commit burglary,
6lgamy, robbery and everything else.
Up to this time she had been speechless with
terror. and had lain there trembling, shedding
perspiration, and accumulating shrieking DOW or.
until she had gained the screaming capacity OF
camel-back engine She had just reached
her third sforzando .fortissimo accelerando, whom
old McStinger succeeded in getting to his fsss
once more and became dimly visible to Mrs.
McStinger. With one last wild parting shriek
she sprang from the bed and made Q dash for
the door, near which the rocking chair still
stood menacing the whole universe with but.
ting motion. Mrs. McStinger had no time for
investigation just then, and she pitched into
and over the rocking chair and clear on down
stairs, the chair after her, turning over and
over, and kicking Mrs. McStingsr every bump,
until they both landed in the hall below, where
the chair broke all to atoms. This ended the
fight.
If wives will learn from this sad story not -
leave rocking chairs standing around the mid
die of the room for their poor husbands to fall
over. wesshall not have written in vain.-From
the Ohio State Journal