The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-06-18
bLOCUTION IN THE DARK.
How Artemus Ward Played ie ON the
Professor.

|
Professor.
Griswold, the "Fat Contributor" in
| some recJllections of Artemus Ward,
tells the following story;
In the spring of 1859 accepted a
prof red editorial position en- the Cleve-
! land National Democrat, and renewed
my acquaintance with krtemus Ward.
On the first evening of my arrival he
volunteered to show me around-a very
| desirable achievement, as [ was to fill
the position OF city editor.
He " showed me round so succe S.
fully that about 2 o'clock in the morn
| ing began to feel almost as much at
home in Cleveland as if / had lived
| there all my days, to say nothing of my
| nights. Artemus invited me to share
his bed with hin for the remainder Of
the night. and l accepted.
Adjoining his room lodged young
| professor of elocutien who was endeav-
oripg to establish school in Cleveland.
| He was just starting out in business,
and was naturally anxious to propitiate
"Let's get the professor up" said
Arterius, '' and have him crate for
| u.s.
I demonstrated with him, reminded
him of the lateness of the hour, that
was not acquainted with the professor,
and all that, but to no purpose
He is a public man." said Ward,
"and public men like to meet repre-
sentatives of the press, as restaurants
are supposed to get up warm meals at
all hours"
He gave laundering rap at the door
as he shouted, professor r--!'
"Whos there? What yee want ?"
cried a muffled voice, evidently beneath
the d-clothes, for it was bitter cold
night in February.
at is I, Brown, Of the Plaindealer,"
said Artemus, and nudging me gently in
the ribs, he whispered, "Thatu fetch
him. The power of the press is invinci.
BILE. 1t is the Archimedean lever
which,
His remarks were Interrupted by the
opening of the door, and could just
discover the dim outline of a shirted
form sbivering in the doorway.
Excuse me for disturbing you, pro-
fessor," said Artemus, in his blandest
manner, " but l am anxious to intro
duce you to my friend here, the new
local of the Democrat. He has heard
much of you, and declares positively he
can't go to bed until he hears you elo-
cute"
"Hears me what 2" answered the pro-
fessor, between his chattering teeth.
Hears your eloeute -recite - de-
claim. Understand? Specimen of
your elocution !"
In vain did the professor plead the
lateness of the hour, and his Fl had
gone out. Artemus would accept no
excuse.
Permit me, at least" urged the
professor, " to pat on some clothes and
to light the gas
Not at all necessary. Eloquence,
my dear boy, is not at all dependent on
gas. Here STRENGTHENING up chair he
had just tumbled over,) get right up on
this chair and give us The boy stood
on the burning deck" adding in a side
whisper in my ear, "the burning deck
will warm him up"
Gently. yet firmly, did Artemus boost
the reluctant professor upon the chair,
protesting that no apologies were neces-
sary for his appearance, and assuring
him that clothes didn't make the man,
although the shivering disciple of De-
mosthenes and Cicero probably thought
clothes would make a man more COM
Portable on such a night as that.
He gave us Uasabianca" with
good many quavers of the voice, as he
stood shaking in a single, short. white
garment then followed, "On Linden
when the sun was low" "Sword of
Bunker Hill," etc., "by particular re-
quest of a FRIEND" as Artemus Ward
said, although l vas too nearly suf1o-
Gated with suppressed laughter to make
even last dying request, had it been
nect ssary. It was too ludicrous to de-
pict-the professor, an indistinct white
object standing on the chair "elocut-
ing" as Ward had it, and we sitting on
the floor holding ourselves, while A. ".
would family whisper between his pangs
of mirtb, "just hear him."
It wasn't in Wards heart to have his
fun at the expense of another without
rscompense; so next day I remember
he published lengthy and entirely
serious account of our visit to the pro-
fessor's room, spoke of his wonderful
powers as an elocutionist, and expressed
the satisfaction and delight with which
we listened to his unequaled recita-
tions."
The professor was overjoyed, and
probably is ignorant to this day that
Artemus was "playing it on him.