, 1875-07-25

| *-l1 II Wh6ot oun1&y teA yo1' "s'~ 49,
proper reply.
AJamaica boy who was hit in tho STOMACH
with bali, retained breath enough to observe
.'Its lucky I fined the sunday-school an'
then curled up for the balance OF the season'
Professor Ckindly)-" What is the matter III
;Grsy2 You took unuent" Sophomore t#lt1
Yolnmo Of christian Martyrs in hls hand}-
"My breakfast was burned at the steak; that
what's tho martyr with me-"
Last week Pittsburg editor wrote, 18TH
closer people get.to Nature, the closer they ar
to God" Then he obtained leave of absence t.
20 cut iutoithe country, and was struck bF Light
ming while robbinR an apple-o1chAfo'
/ The Sliding scale-Rector's w1fe (seyerely)-.
s'Tommy Robinson, hoT is it yon don't g take or
s.Well, marin, il / take of my hat to you, what
be to do when meet tile pa1son himself Z -
Judy.
!: Occ good friend, Mrs. Malaprop, who ia ,
stanch Protestant, has haaxu some talk about
the compulsory teaching OF the masses She
can only say abe trsp1bies for the SAFETY M o, the
Church it anything SO Popish as the maasee
should be taught in 'it.-Punca-
,Alittle boy sittipg in tho window Of . Mis-
souri, Sunday-school, singing ''Hock OF Ages :,
with all his might suddenly lost his bnlance, feC
to the ground, and had all tho sing KNOCKED ON
OF him forever after. It is sad reflection ; but
when We are young, PROVIDENCE doean b8ela y
take much charge Of us.
One of the first things tha+.a boy with a bean
blowerIleA1ns is thefact that Tho angle OF relsc-
ton is equal to 1ha angle Of incidence. 1t is
this knonledge that enables him. standing on
the sidewalk, to fire through the open church
window at the ceiling Of the gallery, and fetcf
some unsuspectiDg worHhipar every time.
i About this time the following is not an unfa,
G%1r,N1 ySnK4 4~kn
A small boy rises in the class and gazes timidly
but Significantly at the teacher. Teacher, speak.
| ipc apgrily-.sWelL what's the matter with ypu
now. =" Small boy, in q Low, melancholy tone o1
! voice" Green watermelon" Teacher, promptly
-' Scoot. ."-Brooklyn Argus
4 youthful clergyman who RECENTLY went
forth to enlighten the ignorant, Nhile dealing
with The parable Of tie Prodigal Son, WAS
anxious to show how. dearly the parent loved his
child. Drawing himself together, and putting
on his most sober looks, he dilated st length
upon tho killing. of the fatted calf The climax
was rs follows 49, ahonldn't wonder Il the
father had kept aaat calf for gears, awaiting the
return Of his son:"
A boy OF five years was playing railroad
with his sister Of two and half. Drawing her
upon afootstool. he Imagined himself both the
engine and the conductor. After initiating the
out '' New York," and IN moment after - Pat
ersou," and then ''sPhiladelphia- His knowl-
edge OF towns was nor exhausted, and at the
next place he cried - Heaven" His little sister
t said eagerly. *'Top, 1 das I'll aet out here"
1 Agood story is told Of 3 ela7e~master in Mis-
sonrl, in the oeden times OF negro xassalnge who
| said to his chattel, Pompey, / hear you are .
great preacher" Yes, massa de Lord do Lelp
| me powerful sometimes" We'll. Pompey, don't
| you think the negroes stesl little things on the
:! plantatons" ''I's;miehty frad dey does, mas
sa.'' *.Then, Pompey, / want YOU to preach q
| l.. nAa}on
brief reflection Pompey explained, ~ say.
massa, dat would never do, cause 'twonld trow
suoh a col'ness ovor de meetia'."
A friend OF mine and came aoross "spoon-
| ing" couple the other night, and a remark We
chanced to overhear inspired him to relate this
little story: Not long ago, at mansion on Muir
ray Hill sentimental yoqng lazy stlol!ed WITH 4!
conservatory: Looking up .pensiyely into his
j face, she said with teara in her voice, ''Ah, no
one loves me, Mr.. Bsrnes!'' "Sone one does u
"Yes2" said. the lady dropping her head, and
| pressing his arm ever 80 little. "iea, Misa Nel~
| lie," said the wretch, "God loves you."--Baui-
more Bulletin.
At the late General Assembly Dr.. Allen, of
| Philadelphia, told good story on himself in his
speech anent the freedmen He was preaching
! one day away down in Tennessee, when IN old
! Methodist brother, Of the African persuaslon,
cane to him after the sermon, and said: II luxe
|
preaching" DR.. Allen replied, ~ am glad Of
it." 4.But understand e.ery word you say"
II hope 60" said the Doctor. for try to mike
myself understood" Again the old man came to
| the Charge. "Yes," be said. II understand you
jos ~ we'll as II you WAS nigger." Dr. Allen
/ Thought it rare compliment.
.eryice as, tnis morning M Ing % 9Tes 'um:" ~ % land I
suppose you remembered what YOU heard ?"
:" Yes 'um," "well, my son, What did you
hear?" "Why, heard that A1ra- stukkuIp
gets her dresses in Paris, that Mr.. Sims sto1e al
the money he has, that Mabel Lees bonnet is
| not a new one, but only last years made over,
that Jennie Wilson oarries ON Hhamefully with
that Jolly boy, aud that Deacon sohramm is
going to flinders because his new wife is so ex-
travagant." Dear me! Dear me! How 1ehg-
| ion has advanced since Was grill" said my
| kind, old grandmother, as abe quietly folded her
| knitting and looked ont of the 'windoH--H.
Louis Republican.
Some Of our worthy colored brethren Of the
Baptist persuasion had baptism down at the
very large crowd Of people. Mrs Pitmans
colored eaEynnt eirlHas very anxious to be pres
ent, and as it was not her Sunday out, she
slipped away from the house while the dinner
WAS cooking, and vent around IN her working
clothes. Her interest WAS 80 intense that she
stood close to the minister, who was in the
| water. while the ceremony proceeded. After
six or seven had been dipped, the clergyman.
filled with enthusiasm. seized her and pulled
her into the water. She resisted. but the
minister imagined that she was merely afraid Ut
the coldness OF the water, so before she could
explain the situation he soused her. She came
up spluttering, and exclaimed: '4What you
doin'? Lemme SO, I tell you'll" But he exerted
his strength, and sent her ''ker-chuck" below
tie surface again. She emerged, c]awing the
here! Don't you chuck me un-
der ag'in. you nigger!" But the Clergyman WAS
inexorabla, and he plunged heE under = third
time and held her there for minute, 80 as to
| let it soak IN and do her good. Then she came
! up and struck for the shore, and standing there,
| looking like draggled mermaid cut in ebony,
| she shook her fist at the astonished PASTOR and
| shrieked Oh. I'll fix you! I'll bust the head
often you, you Urinary trash! sousin' me in dat
dare creek and nearly drownded me, when you
kno,Ted well enough all de time dat I'se Meth
| odist and biz christened by dem dat's your bet
| ters, and knows more about religion den all de
Baptisses dat ever shouted, Eon mis'able black
| scum! and mo got the rheumatic enough
to set me crazy! Oh, I'll see what de Law lin
do for Yout I'll havs you 'reated dis very day,
or nv nanes not Johanna johnson, you wooliy-
| headed herrin' You hear me- Z" Then johanna
went home to redress and the ceremony pro-
ceeded. Miss johnson is now persuaded thAt
the Baptists are not any better than pagans.-