The Middlebury register. [volume] (Middlebury, Vt.) 1850-1882, 1875-04-20
Newspaper Subscribers.

The London Newspaper Press contains
the following classification Of newspaper
subscribers, which is somewhat vaguely
credited to an American paper, First
come the
UPRGuTs.- are men who take
newspapers, pay for them, and read them.
Observe the order in which these things
are done The pay comes frst-the read
ing next. These men consider they get
the worth Of their money in the bargain.
1t seems as fair and just to them that the
newspaper should be paid for as barrel
Of sugar or a new coat. They never en-
tertain any other opinion. When the
year runs out, or little before, they are
on hand with the pay. There is no more
difficulty with them in remembering this
period, than Sunday or the first of Janu-
airy. If one of them wishes to stop his
paper, he either calls or writes letter by
bis postmaster in due season, like man.
This class is dear to the heart Of the ed
itor. Their image is cmbalned in his
warm affections. May they live thou.
sand years, and see their sons sons to the
fourth generation. The second class now
in the mind is the
Do WELLs-This class is nearly relat-
ed to the other-so near, that it is hard
to tell where one begins and the other
ends. These men always pay in advance
in beginning, and intend to do so contin-
ually. But memory fails little or some
mishap intervcnes and the time runs by
sometimes litte-sometimes quite
period. But their recollection, though
nodding occasionally, never gets sound
asleep. 1t pronounces the word in duo
time 1.-THE printer not paid and forth
with their will to do well kindles into ac-
tiviiy. Now comes the paying up
"Nleant to do so before. Don't mean to
let such things pass by" A publisher
can live with such meu. They have
warm place iD his memorY-only a little
back OF the Uprights. If such a man
dies in arrears. his wife or son remembers
that he might not have paid up for his
newspaper, and forthwith institutes inqui-
ries They remember that part Of the
benefit was theirs, and, estate or no es-
tate, see that the printers bills are not
among their fathers unsettled accounts.
Next come the
EASY DoERs.-Thcse men believe in
newspapers. They have fully settled in
their own minds that newspaper is
good thing They take them, too. Some
times at first they pay up for the arst
year-at any rate they mean to, pretty
soon If they have done SO, they sit
down with the comforting conviction that
their newspaper is now settled for and
this idea having once get into their heads,
refuses obslinatey to oe disodged, but
keeps its holding from year to year q
truth ouce--now an illusion gray and
rheumatic with years. The editor, mark
ing the elongated and eloDgating space in
the accounts current Of their dollars be-
gins to ask if they are dead or have gone
to California Now he begius to poke
bills at them. They suddenly start up
to the reality that they are IN arrears;
and, like men, as they are at the bottom,
pay up. They never dispute his bills
they know books tell better stories than
moss covered memories. L the publish
er has faith enough. or long purse, and
can live like IL hiberDatiOg bear, he may
survive this class. But if he is a mortal
only, woe be to him. The next class is
that Of tie
Down IIILLERs.--Here we begin to
slide over to the other side. The picture
suddenly gets sornbre. We shall dis.
patch the Down Killers suddenly. One
of these may take paper because his
wife wants one, or the children are zeal
Gus to read it, or neighbor persuades
him. When it begins to come. he dis
misses all thoughts about it further. II
the editor sends man directly to him at
the end of TWO or three years, be may
get some pay for his paper, with growls
and surly looks. He never pays any
debts il he can get rid of it, and news
paper least Of all Still, he hates lawsuits,
} constables, and all that. A dun has the
same effect on him that bullet has on a
glancing from his hide, or
sinking in the blubber harmless. He ID
always sliding down hill, and soon merges
into another class, Of
THE Nix Gun RoUsE.-No matter how
this man began his subscription, he never
pays for it-not he. HE don't like that
sort of paper. 1t don't give news. He
never did like it. He didn't want it in
the first place. and told the postmaster so
He sent back one more than a year age
besides, he never began to take it til
long time after it came, and he hadn'i
had only two or three of them, at any
rate, and those he hadn't read" Wipe
him off. Here comes
The ScAPEeRAcE.-It is enough to say
of him that he never fails to have news
paper-two or three of them. When h'
thinks they have come about long enough
for the publisher to want pay, he send
back with "stop it, Or he takes up hi
quarters and leaves for parts unknown
He does not want to pay, and he don'i
mean to. Get it if You can.
Reader, in which of the above classei
are you iouni?