The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-02-27
Scrambled Ut-h.

Jaw. She wore the other one out
Two Main street lovers will sit up haii the
night with only one chair in the roon' but that
IL easily explained t" anyone who has been
there.
Cttaw cergymen are never permitted to Kiss
the ladies they have Just made brides. The dear
creatures put up their hands with the remark;
.~tere, thatll do. I've seen you fellows afore'
letter was received at the Wcdron P. o. nd.
dressed 70 Dear Mother
In reply to the question, Now, my little man,
can you explain the cause Of Adams fall pro-
pounded by one of our Sunday school teachers
,ast Sabbath, the young hopeful emphatically
gaze 1t as his opinion as cause nc hadn't any
ashes to throw on the sidewalk
Cal had 'en out sleigh riding with a pair OF
oobs and mule team and the rest of the boys
called 1t "a blarsted monopoly
It is suggested that the reason that the gas
company does not furnish better Illuminating
material is that they are possessed with a deter
mination TO bring the light of other days around
Us by reminding US of tiIe time OF candles and
ou-lamps
George lie ,er is Indignant because Korn took
lin for married man the night of the show
They vii move to Evanston in the spring.
The young man who borrowed that auburn
hair switch viii be switched if he doesn't re.
turn IT,
Anew OooS is announced bearing the title Of
e half hour with insects The author is not a
regular bqarder
FUNNy.-Scenc on the cars not many miles
from Utica. Enter a lady, who addresses well.
Known railroad official:
Mfr, 10 you think Mr.. Beccher is guilty?I
Guilty o! what, madam"
Exit lady, sufused with bushes.
Oh. understand. Ii yon don't why consult
Or. Thatll be sereac.
Just Wa: ill the opera i, over then chew
my tongue
Two.fneered Johnny paid the city visit last
week.
Pet m.ccs are the race among the nabobs on
Arlington heights.
Ole has he finest beard for a starter in the
city.
The city .hicial who occupied the box pew at
the Can .an says nc bought his comps
Seth WINS celebrated Wash's birthday by
,!aying Dixie at Sheridan.
A selcc: party tripped the long fantastic at The
Opera House in Birds Eye
A complimentary ticket aud free lunch struck
as on MONDAY at Tedron Bell sheep are good
out Bellroses are better.
At Utica me Ic''o,os a.! remained OH on the
,+a4rid Thcy viii double up on Grants birthday,
March 4lt
How die The hot water committee come to
give $3.50 Tor something which the manufac
turer told Them he didn't think they wantede
Hon. Wash Armstrong is still shedding his
wontcd influence in Springfield.
The Pc We has toasted of doing $2.25 worth
Of work TO- the grasshoppero. gratis. How much
did you - on the STATE Fair!-with n copper
Serena topped all over on Wednesday evening
Sed Hoped with the rest Of 'em.
The Tos9y> L'o,ct compliments Korn as hay
.nS VIVA. Few brains he possesses located in "a
natural Y"-ancy in Tic upper story as follows:
The local OF the Ottawa FREE TRADER has
Our sympathy, that from a natural vacancy in
the upper story, or some other constitutional
weakness .e cannot attempt to be funny with.
out bcire SLY. Brains, man; its bromS that
does IT,
As we coa'trun /, paper OF sympathy but
1ntcnd t. locate bot. Dodwclrs and the editorial
ability o, he Lpsc' correctly, we refrain from
return .. :hec3mpliment as everything has gone
down sc e.-ce the gsl,c.
Jim Cross, who used 70 board at the O,tow,
donsc. has changed his name to Budd Dobblc
lie driycg he GoU.Sm maid Of Ottawa and
Hil' 90 h'It mile either for boss against hoss,
or else '3- money LIT, run him for Mare.
r. \. wishing 60 10 something for livelihood
applied .'~ io' .ac La Sale street cars, ms
COaduc!o~
A ccrta a profcs'o. Of religion who was lately
"e''u 20 e1c'aim i'--n that steer has been
chosen as ;he leader Of devotional exercises of
one Of or lily ao:e!,>.
Monica being WaSA's birthday. the schools
all c!osel, md our tung boys and girls took a
pNom. down tho a. Rev. Jock Smith celebrated
nat MON ''!a' aay - speeding Gimm Krosss
bald faced PAGER on Miller avenue.
"A ierti e-braned citizen who cannot sleep on
-'s bach without cOn;urlng up a series of dis.
Iesslhc cures and situations, has hit upon
'hgu'"rIy effective plan to prevent getting in
Lat position thfouga the night The contri |
vance consists Of a tack driven through shingle
The single is fastened to his back, loosely, and
when he :urns over from his side the tack is
driVen ina his bacS, and he at once springs up
a c'St"r1e Of eight feet, and pulls all the clothes
OH his vs., but it awakes Inn almost Immediate
y. lie il getting more used to the sensation
now, ana rarely jumps over three fee, when the
tack su.Les him.
Last Slonday was the anniversary OF the birth.
Gay OF {. Washington. Nobody in town seemed
TO be conscious Of the fact except the banks,
which we're closed in honor OF the day. and PEG.