davidaulloa/AmericanStories huggingface dataset:
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
Sarcastic Aldermen.

The following sketch from the Detroit
News shows how the Aldermen of that
city exchange courtesics:
"Whcn the Aldermen of this fair city of
the straits were gathered together last even
ing in their grand, gloomy, and majestic
council, they proceeded about as follows:
Aid. Hough arose, and thrusting his hands
into the lowest depths of his pocket, spat
four times over his left shoulder, and ad-
dressed the chair. Mr.. President, the
gentleman from the Seventh (Owen) re-
minds me of COW that kicked after twas
dead. am DONE
aid. Owen next came to his feet, and
laying his hands gracefully across the
small of his back, threw back his Napole-
onic head, protruded his abdomen, and
spoke: Mr. President, it is even better to
be dead COW than live Jackass'
"Ald. Paul Gies is also from the Seventh,
and rightly resented the cowardly imputa-
ton cast on his colleague. He said: Mr..
President, don't think Aid. Hough is
we'll. think he has the bellyac|e. He
looks pale Aid. Hough jumped to his
feet. Aid. Hough snorted. he spat. He
grew wild, and calmly smiling, he let his
scornful eye rest significantly on the tip
of Paul's nose, and said: MIR. President,
I may be sick, aye, and pale, but, Mr..
President, am proud to say am pale,
even to the very tip of my none.
'President-Gentleme
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
"A Serious JOKE.

Ittakcs two make joke, as it takes
two to make. a quarrel; and unless the
two are the right persons, the joke will be
likely to end in a quarrel. =.
The London Pictorial World has tito
following: "One day, in Regent street.
I saw friend looking into a shop win.
dow, and in very tempting position.
he wore afrock-coat, and his white pock.
et-handkerchicf was just exposed. 1t
were very easy to show him how easy a
pocket were picked, said to myself, and
proceeded to extract the tempting pocket
handkerchief. In the act of my amatenr
larceny, lie turned round. 70 my horror,
l found it was not my friend. I protested
I had made mistake: that thought it
was so and-so, the very image of him;
that was picking pockets for fun; and
so on. He said that was all very we'll but
he could not be 'kidded' in that fashion.
He had duty toward society to perform.
He positively gave me in charge. In a
minute the horror of my position flashed
across me. saw my name in the police
reports. heard in anticipation the re-
marks of kind friends, 1t looks very sus-
picious,' and so on; and l felt that my
life would be written for the world. But
luckily, the policeman refused to take the
charge, and recognize me as pick,pock-
ct
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
How a Man Feels to DO Run over by tho
Cars,
From tho Cincinnati Times.

From tho Cincinnati Tid1es.
On Monday last freight conductor, L.
Averill fell across the rail at Wells River,
and the wheels of a car weighing thir-
teen thousand five hundred pounds passed
obliquely over his body, and of the left
leg, some six inches below the hip. When
the wheel passed over, Averill listened for
the crushing of the bones, but they did
not break, but the wheel of the truck fol
lowing almost instantly, he felt sure would
cut the legs off. But the wheel passed
over, and before, the rear trucks had
reached him he sprang out and was stand
ing bolt upright For five minutes he
felt no pain, but since then the pain has
been almost unendurab4e, and he has
been kept under the influence of opiates
Two jack knives in his pocket were bent
nearly double. 1t is supposed the fange
Of these wheels struck upon these knives
first, and passed up to the top of the leg.
and thus avoided the shearing effect of
the fange upon the rail. The skin upon
his person was not broken, but the flange'
broke the tissue of the flesh ON the top of
his legs, and underneath the rail sank in.
to the flesh, leaving its marks distinct
Mr.. Averill, if carefully attended, wilt
get along. This is the only case on rec
ord where care has run over q mans
legs leaving the bones perfectly. unharm-
ed.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
The Whisky Ring.

A profound sensation has been occa-
stoned throughout the country by the re-
cent exposure of immense frauds on the
part of the whisky ring.
The investigation has, it appears been
in progress for some time with great Sc
cresy, under the immediate direction of
the secretary Of the treasury, independent
Of the internal revenue department. A
large number of whisky establishments
have been seized, and are in possession
of the officers. The frauds are said to
amount to millions of dollars. The ring
had so many confederates in the internal
revenue service that with timely forewarn-
ing, from them, detection and exposure
was deemed improbable, if not impossi-
bic. 1t is said, also, that many politici-
ans, some members of Congress, and 9th
ers high in official station, are badly com.
promised, Tue president is said to have
heartily aided the secretary of the treas
ury, Mr.. Bristow, in his difficult investi-
cations; but that some ono very near, if
not actually within the circle of his conf
dental advisers is confederate of the
ring, is apparent from the fact that, de-
spite all the efforts at entire secrcsy, tele~
grams were sent, but just too late, to St.
Louis, Chicago and other points, to give
warning of what was to be done to the
whisky men. The arrests were in some
cases accomplished with great difficulty;
in one instance, pistols were drawn, and
in another, a government officer was for
chilly held while his desk was riddled and
important papers stolen. The exposure
brings to light startling exhibit Of
wholesale corruption, debauchery, purju-
ry, and robbery. 1t should serve to con-
vince all good citizens Of the impolicy of
perpetuating traffic, as. a source Of pub
lie revenue, which in itself embodies the
essence Of corruption and fraud.-Tem-
perance Advocate. @.5.. $50 y
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
Kissing.

|. Mr.. Beecher's universal habit of kiss
ing, both men and women, may have been
as holy as st. Paul's salutation by letter.
The young woman at W1nsted may have
seen no improperly in reading Milton:
if it was Milton) in her chamber to her:
schoolmate's father, but look at the end
the shipwreck, the CHASTITY ruin of it ALL.
We only call attention to this point again
because this imnoderate,. unconventional
school of manners, has been growing
rapidly in favor for years, especially
among our young people. The strict de-
fense Of modesty and decorum which set
a woman apart, pure and irreproachable
as pearl until her husband came to-
wear her on his breast, have long been.
laughed at as irrational and old-fashiOn.'
ed. We shall be surprised if the reac-
ton after this miserable business does
not in a great measure restore the old
habits of eductaien for children and de-
pertinent among ill-bred people. Such .
change will be most wholesome, and will
certainly arrive none too soon. The bri-,
die must not be too straight, but in beav-'
ems name let US not dispense with ital~
together. :5 s.1s rs S.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17

Now! A grain Of sand on a boundless
plain. A tiny ripple on measureless
ocean! Over that ocean we are sailing
but the only part Of it we possess is that
on which our vessel at this moment floats.
From the stern we look backward and
watch the ships wake in the waters; but
how short distance it reaches, and how
soon every trace disappears! We see also
some landmarks farther off, and then the
horizon closes the view; but beyond, that
ocean still rolls far, far away. Memory
contemplates the few years of our indi
vidual life; history shows us dim outline
Of mountains; science tells us that still
farther back, out of sight, stretches thai
vast sea; reason assures us that, like space
it hath no boundfy; but all that we pos
:scss of it is represented. By this small word
Now! The past for action is ours NO
longer. The future may never become
present; ;.itiis not ours. until it does. The
only part Of time we can use is this very
moment now In ewman Hall. !.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
NNA-
Take Care!

What little words, aud yet how full of
meaning? Probably no two words in the
English language are more frequently
combined and certainly no two form a
sentence at once so suggestive and capable
of SO varied an Interpretation. They are
used by every one. We utter them un-
consciously to ourselves and address them
to our friends and foes. They are spoken
calmly, as words Of advice, and vehement
ly when the eyes flash, and the lips quivcr
with passion. They are b:eathed gently
in the ear to almonish, and in thunder
tones or sharp, shrill accents are they hurl-
cd from trembling lips to warn of quick,
impending danger. This little sentence
is sermon in itself: It's " advice Of
age and experience to youth and inexperi-
ence, and spoken by proper persons at
proper times has been the means of saving
many life, and many a soul. 1t is the
warning cry of the mariner, shipwreckcd
upon the sea of liie whose barks are near
ing the sunkcn rocks upon which he struck.
1t is the last speech Of the murderer upon
the gallows to the gaping crowd beneath
him as he is about to be launched into
eternity. 1t is the language of conscience
in its warning to youth against the pois.
oned fountains, the qCicissands and the
pleasures which end in pain. 1t is the
last advice Of the christian, before his tri-
ump!!a:lt death, to the weeping children
about his bedside, speaking volumes to
their hearts. 1t is the last warning Of the
dying sinner to his children, as with fear
ana trembling he awaits his great leap il
the dark, Oh, that youth would but stop
and consider, when age, with its long years
of experience, solcmnly utters the warning
take care! Could the legions Of lost str
its, down there be let loose, metllinks the
air Of heaven would be filled with the cry,
to those still this side of the grave, take
care! Would that these little words were
stained upon every wine glass in the land,
or hoaIed on the top Of every glass of
liquor, that they who would drink must
needs read, and mayhap be brought to re-
member this warning of praying mother
or the cry of anguish of some friend who
had drank this same cup to its dregs and
found there woe and misery and death.
This life must be spent in needing the
warnings implied by these little words.
If VIC faithfully take care, God will take
care Of us in that day when the righteous
shall be separated from the wicked. On
that great day and not till then will the
warning words, take care, cease to be- ut
tered Till that great day these little
words will continue to speak volumes as
advice, as warning, as entreaty and CON-
mand.-Citizen: =:
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
Man 80 Years Rage Killed by His Son.
fM-Lavv.

The locality known as Cane Ridge, five
miles from Paris, KY, was the scene, last
Saturday, of an unnatural tragedy. The
victim was Jacob zimmerman, 80 years Of
age, and he met his death at the hands OF
his son-in-law, man named Allen, 81
years Of age. The two men are reported
as both powerful men-Ammerman, not
withstanding his age, being vigorous and
strong. He was likewise a high.temper
ed and violent man. The two men livcC
together on farm, cultivating it in part
nership. About o'clock on Saturday
when a dispute arose in regard to the way
in which Allen harncssed the horses
The wordy warfare reused the old gen
tleman's ire to such an extent that he said
he would whip Allen. Allen made some
reply, which only made the old man more
angry, and he struck Allen with his fist a
heavy blow and knocked him down; but
Allen managed to spring to his feet, and
to prepare to defend himself: He drew
from his pocket a knife, andmade strike
at zimmerman. The blade entered the
old mans stomach, and inflicted wound
which caused his death almost instantly
Allen immediately gave himself up to the
Sheriff, aud was committed to Jail. He
will rely on the plea of self:defense.-
Cincinnati Gazette.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
AUSTIN MOWER COUNTY MINNESOTA THURSDAY. II,
6OD BLESS THE FARM.

God bless the farm-the dear old farm!
God bless its every rood,
Who're willing hand and sturdy arms .-r
Can earn an honest livelihood: :,
Can from the coarse and fertile soil i
Win back q rscompense for toll.
God bless each meadow, field and nook,
Begemmed with fAirest flowers, =.
And every leaf that's gently shook
By evening breeze or morning showers!
God bless them all! each leafs gem =,
In natures gorgeous diadenl. >,
The orchards that in early spring
Blush rich in=fragrants flowers, s :s5:-:
And with each autumn surely bring >,
Their wreath Of fruit and golden show
@ ers, ,:... -: - =.
Like pomegranatcs on Aaron's rod, ~
A miracle from natures God. % =. =
And maybe bless tho farmers home,
- - here peace and plenty reign; -. << :.
No happier spot meath heavens high
domo . -
Doth this broad, .beauteous earth contain,
Than where, secure from care and strife, 4.
The farmer leads lis peaceful life. :. ::
Unvexed by toll and tricks tor gain,
He turns the fertile mould;
- Then scatters on the golden grain,
And reaps reward huadred fold;
He dwells whore grace ani beauty charm,
For G cd hath blessed his home and farm,
.~ ...- Anon.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
Josh Billings Definition of Shyster.

The Shystcr is loose cross bctMecn
the Jeremy Didlcr and the dead beat, and
il more particularly known az cheap
lawyer who hangs around the arenas of
justiss, pest tew all who know him, and
a downright misfortin tew thoze who
don't. He IL always on! hand tcw help
the unfortunate out Ov one disaster into a
wuss one, and don't hesitate tew take the
last shilling ennybody haz got as pay
for services that be knows he kant ren.
der
lie il vehement liar aad.ka prating
cheat, all decent lawyers desp pizc him,
and judge dreds him az he duz drove
ov hungry flies in a hot and fetid court
room.
A shyster is kind of ycllo dog amonS
humans, sneaking around the korners for
a bone. He knoze just enuff about law
tcw git a man into its meshes, but never
enutf tew get him out, and never got a
fee yet that hadn't the smell of dishonor
in it.
lie never gifts abuv shappy gentillty
in hiz appearance, and would make a
very good walking advertisement of pa
rade in front ov second hand clothing
house
The shyster il always az poor az he il
dishonest, and when he gifts old and fair.
ly gone to seed, it takes all the kunnlng
he il master cv tew git his klam soup
and hiz ockashunal luxury ov cheap
whisky.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
TERMS: $500 per Annum.
Couldn't Read Small Print.
A correspondent at Constantine. Mich,

A correspondent at Constantine, Mich,
contributes the following to the Editors
Drawer Of Harper for June:
l was reading a melancholy sketch Of
the last days Of poor Tom Marshall a few
days ago-how his light went out, fash
ing and Pickering, amidst the haunts of
men who dared make sport Of him, as the
Phil1stincs did Of Goliath, and renen,-
Der story told Of him by a gentleman
who was present on the occasion, which l
never saw in print. ~-,-:7f 49,. ~.
MANY years ago." he said, when the
science Of phrenology firstbegan to attract
public attention, lecturer of that sort,
brimful of enthusiasm, turned up in Louis
vile, and gave q series of talks to the
I people, and examined large number of
heads, made charts at so much each, and,
in. short, developed quite. An amount of
hidden vice and virtue which had not
been before even suspected among the
good people IF that city. Tom Marshal
was present and enjoyed the exercises
| After the affair was over crowd adjourn
ed to the Gait House to: post books and
render judgment on the science itself.
"Tom said he could examine heads as
we'll as anybody-it was all a humbug, a
penny catching busincss-and to satisfy
the people he was right. he would take any
nuubor IF w on whn chose to 90 into the
parlor adjoining and make the experiment,
although he was little the worse for an
overdose of Bourbon. Many went in, and
Tom seated them, and went round from
man to man, most of whom he knew, and
made vast amount of fun for the crowd
as he always could on almost any provo.
cation. -......~
ut so happened that among the persons
present a Louisville buck, Of scant
amount Of brains, who was distinguished
for his puppyism and forwardness, had
taken his seat. Tom passed him, but an
I nounced, nevertheless, that he had now
examined all the heads in the room where
upon our buck arose with, Beg pardon
Mr.. Marshal! I wish just to say you have
forgotten me- have not been examined.
Tom seemed puzzled at first, smiled, look
ed around, but relieved himselfwith, 'You
must excuse me, sir, can't do it, really
can't. am too drunk to read small prin
by candle -lightr"
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
Mr.. ChOatc ana the Ambitious Boy.

find out in as good season as did this one.
1t is said that Rufus Choate, the great law.
yer, was once in New Hampshire making
a plea, when boy, the son of a farmer
resolved to leave the plow and become a
lawyer like Rufus Choate.
lie accordingly went to Boston, called
on Mr.. Choate, and said to him. II heard
you plead in our town and have desire
to become lawyer like you. Will yor
teach HE how:''
'As we'll as I can," said the great law
yer. "Ccme and sit down?''
Taking down copy of Blackstone, he
said: "Read this until I come back, and
will see how you get on.''
The poor boy began. An hour passed
His back ached, his head ached, his legs
ached. lie knew not how to study. Ev
cry moment became torture. He wanted
air. Another hour passed, and Mr.. Choate
came and asked, GLOW do you get On ?'
"Gct on! Why doyou have to read such
stuff as this?"
Eyes"
"How much of it?
"All there is on these shelves, and more, ,
looking about the great library
"How long will it take?''
"Well, it has taken me more than twenty
five, years."
"How much do you get!"
MY board and clothes.'
"Is that all?"
"Well that is about all that I have gain
ed as yet"
"Then," said the boy, II will go back
to ploughing. The work is not near SC
hard, and pays better"
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17

A little five-year old boy in Indiana said
to Judge who had called at his fathers:
"Are You going to your storee'' Il hav-
emit got any store" care you going to
your mill g' II haven't got any MILL"
care you going to your shop:" haven't
got any shop" "Well, then. how do you
make money!" "Imake it by my brains ~
"Well, my papa makes money, and he
hasn't got any brains."
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17

"Doyou know the prisoner, Mr.. Jones ;"
"Ycs to the BONE" What is his charac-
teri" -"Didn't know he had any," "Does
he live near your $50 near that he has
spent only five shillings for frewood in
eight years." "Did he ever come into col
lision with you in any matter?'' "Only
once, and then he mistook me for lamp
post" "From what you know Of him,
would you believe him under oath :''
"That depends upon circumstances. If
he was so much intoxicated that he did
not know what he was saying, would; if
not I wouldn't"
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17

5 AS my wife at the window one bcauti-
full day, stood watching man with a
monkey, cart came along with broth
Of a boy, who was driving stout little
donkey. To my wife then I spoke by
way of joke, There's relation Of fyours
in that carriage" 70 which she replied,
when the donke she spied, "Ah yes! q re-
lation by marriage. .
IS Tie Young Mems Christian Associa-
ton Of Chicago talk ofremo wing to some
city, where it won be such hard work.
Mower County transcript. [volume] (Lansing, Minn.) 1868-1915, 1875-06-17
A Accidentally Killed.
Special to Tho Pioneer Press.

Special to Tho Pioneer Press. IA
HENDENsnN, Mimi, June 10.-As John
Merriquet and his son, aged eight years,
were returning home from this place
this: afternoon, their horses took fright
and ran away. throwing young Mer-
riquet under the wheels, killing him in
Istantly 1
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1875-06-01

tn. Rev. Joshua Brookes, OF Man.
chester. was q clergyman OF irritable
temper. Tho churchyard was surround.
ell by low parapet, with sharp nised
coping. to walk along which required
nice balancing Of the body. and was one
O, the fa,orite ieats Of the neishbOrine
boys. The practice greatly annoyed
Joshua. While reading the burial ser
vice at the grave sile. one day. his eye
caught chimney sweep walking ON the
wall. This caused the eccentric Chap
lain. by abruptly giving an order to the
Sexton, TO make the following inter
polation In the solemn worls OF the
funeral service: "Ani | heard voice
from Heaven sayins-Knoek that black
rascal of the WALL
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1875-06-01

A MECHANICAL genius in New Orleans
has invented q contriyance worthy OF
the originator OF the famous machine
for the determination Of the exchange
fiend. II consists OF neat little skol-
eton attachment for the roof OF a street
car. with tho hinge just over tho door.
II is rather ornamental than otherwise,
AMI doesn't in tho least interfere with
passengers. The driver works II with n
sort OF trsadle. Whom he sees boy
catching ON the step he will SO through
the usual forms. He will look indis-
nan, aud threaten the boy. and appear
to be awiully riled; and OF course the
boy will grin. and stand on ono leg. and
waggle bis finger against his nose IN de-
rision. And just at this interesting
crisis the driver will stamp his foot with
yigor. and thing like a grapplins.hoo
will suddenly fly down and wrench out
the seat Of that boys trousers. and
snatch him several feet to the rear OF
the sar. where the inevitable milk cart
will run over him.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1875-06-01
NOTICE,
NoTIcEi

LLLo0sE CArrL. fouNp RUnNIN9
nh beiv eeu thc hous Of O'Clock r. =. and
so.s,oek 4. r., win b. promptly taken 10 tho
ssitis pssnd q the ordnance In that respect
VI" ~ J. D. LOYNAcHAN.
uys3tf Town Maphsi.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1875-06-01
House and Lot for Sale.

cIrrArgp on TIVE GOLD hill SLOPE
. ofihe Divide. near the re.idenc. OF a. Tyr
,oom.. with all requisite convenience. and
,ss lot 4. 10 feet frunt by ~ feet deep. Term.
rs.onahls. Apply u frankel. Broker. Gold
i'm. OF To the Subscriber. ON 10. premi.ss
mviI.tf W. w Will.
Gold Hill daily news. [volume] (Gold Hill, N.T. [Nev.]) 1863-1882, 1875-06-01
NOTICE.

ITO T. u. H. GIBBS. d. PROCTOR, n. Nj
i ehssls. jacob fie-ly, ". lehman, =. NJ
Clinton. Daniel Gibb.. J. Bl.ler. q. Penrcd
y W. H,n.on and John Andsrsoa:
Yoa will please TO take notice a. CO.. owners,
that durins the year isTt have per-. nslly en-.
psnde,i IN labor and improvements upon that
certain mlnis. claim knswn q. the 'Uihb-
Loic & COnpsny," situated Ia Gold ilill his-
Ing District. storey county, Nevada, the no.
In Book "A" Of the original record. OF
s.id Gold mn Mining district. pa.e 9s.(
which notice OF location IL hereby referred
TO and male part Of this notice. the .un, Of
two hundred and seventy -eNsn dolisr., that