The Redwood gazette. [volume] (Redwood Falls, Minn.) 1873-1940, 1875-10-07
MISCELLANEOUS ITEMS.

uC STRAW Lit luuSG SOOH UOw ~ IllC
inevitable.
Tom Bigbee, of Alabama, had a
river named after him, but yet he doesn't
rest easy IN his grave.
Postmaster Jewell was invited to
ride on the first fast mail train, but he
said he had important business around the
corner.
Most of the gang of Southern counter
feiters are under arrest, and midnight in.
dustry has received setback which it
! won't get over for months.
The La Crosse woman who walked a
mile and half to show her new veil to a
woman who was mad at her didn't feel the
least bit tired when she got home.
Feminine typographers are not popu.
lar because male typos consider it unro-
mantle to "set up' with any woman in a
printing office.-Ne,c Orleans Times.
The longer a man keeps house the
stronger will be his belief that wood
pile left out over night in cold weather
undergoes an inexplicable shrinkage.
There was good deal of love-mak-
ing at Saratoga this year, and it was solid
affection. One hotel used 40 900 pounds
of beef and 5000 barrels of potatoes.
In putting up stove-pipe remember
that the elbow was made to fit the oven
door, and. that six blows from an ak will
knock all usefulness out of any joint.
When man, who has been for months
winning your confidence, after securing g a
loan," Suddenly ceases to be interested in
your welfare, you might as well mark him
down at once as one of the "bunko" men
who infest every stage of society.
The doctors don't believe in advertis-
ing-it's unprofessional, you know-but
let one of 'em tie UP sore thumb for
John Smith, and they'll climb seven pairs
of stairs to have a reporter Just mention
it, YOU know."-D Detroit Free Press.
If the deluged Texans should require
any help sfloM the public have your dol.
lar bill where you can get hold of it, and
dollar in cash is better than 5000 worth
of the heartiest kind of sympathy.
-" 1t isn't much of a story, it's only a
brief bulletin" as the boy said when
asked what made him out of breath. The
real fact was he had been running because
of an ugly neighbours bull let in to the
field where he was burning stumps.
Nothing is 50 discouraging to a
young lawyer just as he wakes eloquent
about angels tears, weeping-willows and
tombstones as to be interrupted by the
cold blooded Justice with: you're off
your nest, bub; this is case OF hog -steal
ing"
-" What are you doing there; why
don't you 60 to work" asked a father of
his son. 8I'm like Micawber," replied
the youth, "waiting for something to turn
up.' The boy was placed across the
parental knee and received the usual mild
admonition.
1t is proverbial that the early bird
catches the worm. But so, when you come
to think of it, does the early tish-who
wants to anticipate his brethren-and
gets hooked tor his pains. There's no de-
pending on these proverbs as far as great
moral lessons are concerned. -
"A lady leaving one of the summer re-
sort hotels recently was charged with an en-
tire china toilet set, only one piece ofwhich
she had broken. She paid the bill, and,
pleading the excuse Of having forgotten
something, returned to the room and
broke each and every article Of tire set for
which she had paid.-Ne,o York HAL.
For the benefit of newspaper offices
not yet provided it. may be mentioned
that two dewitt are on exhibition in a
San Francisco market. They measure
twelve feet from end to end of their arms
or tentacles Each has twenty of them,
and the strongest swimmer would be lost
if clasped by even three or four of the
arms.
1t happens, after all, that Prof. Tees
forecast of the weather was quite correct,
except, perhaps, that it was little too
forecast. This Galveston gale has been
identified as the one he promised to bring
on IN the latter part Of August. It is to
cut across the Gulf States, then fly up the
Atlantic coast, and finally shoot across the
Atlantic from some point about the mouth
of the st. Lawrence. .-...y... ....
Connecticut is agitated over q reform
school teacher named Goodale, whose
method of administering chastisement is
in advance of the age, He always gently
anasthetizes his patient BY fracturing his
skull, and then pounds him as long as his
ruler holds out. The operation is conse-
quently painless to the offender. Connect
cut can stand good deal, generally, but
this one is too much.