Sunbury American. [volume] (Sunbury, Pa.) 1848-1879, 1875-01-15
The Coming Wife.

The Coming Wife.
HOW SIZE HELPS HER HUSBAND UNDER
DIFFICULTIES - PATIENCE AND Sun
SHINE
She is little bit of woman, all patience
and sunshine, and I'd spoil the best silk
hat that money could buy for the privilege
OF lending her my umbrella in a rain
storm.
She's married and she's got an old rhinO-
ceros of husband. lie makes it prac-
tice to come home tight TT eleven O'Clock
every other night, and has for years, and
he can't remember that she ever gave him
a cross word about it, When he falls into
the hall she is waiting TO close the door and
help him back to the sitting room, where q
good fire awaits him. She draws oil his
boots, unbuttous his collar, helps him off
with his coat, and all the time she is say
ing:
Poor Henry, How sorry am that you
had this attack of vertigo! | am afraid
that y0u will be found dead by the roadside
some night
'Whazzcr mean by yerzhiso = he growls;
but she helps him oil with his vest. and
pleasantly continues
I'm So clad you got home all right.
hope the day will come when you can pass
more Of your time at home. 1t is dreadful
how youC business drives you
'Whaz bizshness - whaz yer talking
bout = he replies.
Poor one-how hot your head is : she
continues. and presently lie breaks down
and wceps and cXcaiins
'Ycz zur-zic's Il 'orsc wearing zelf out
fhast'a oan-wh;szi waz dead y
Next morning she never refers to the sub
icct, but pleasantly inquiries how he slept,
and if his mind is clear. His boots may
be missing, und lie ycls out:
'Wlar'n thundcr's my boots =
Right here, my dear.' she replies, and
she hands them out, all nicely blacked up.
If she wants 4 dress, or hat, or cloak,
and he yclls out that household expenses
are eating him up, she never 'sas5es' him
back, nor tells him that she could have
married Il Congressman, or declares that
she will write t. her mother and tel! her
Just how il Is.
That's So. my dear-times are hard, >
she says, and she gets up Just as good 4
dinner as if he had left her fifty dollars.
He may come home tight at supper time,
but she is not shocked. She remarks that
it is an unexpected pleasure to have him
home 50 early. and she pretends not to no.
ticr his stupid look He sees three chairs
where there is but one, ana in trying to sit
down h. strikes the floor like the fall of i
derrick.
.Whazzer jaw That chair way for = he
yes, and she replies:
It's that hole in the carpet knew you
would stumble = aud she helps him upand
brings him = strong cup Of tea.
They do rot keep Il servant, and when
cold whether came she never thought of
pIankin. herself down in a chair opposite
him and saying:
Now, then, you'll either get up and
light the fires or there won't be any lighted
mark that, old baldhead :
No she didn't resort to any such base
and tYrannical measures. When daylight
comes she Slips ont of bed, makes two fires,
warns his socks, and then, bending over
him, she whispers
Arise, darling and greet the festive
morn :"
He's sick sometimes, and I've known
that woman to coax him for two straight
hours to take the doctors medicine, turn
over his pillow twenty-five times, keep Il
wet cloth Oh his head, pare bis corns down,
and then wish that she had a quai! to make
him some soup. When he gets into a fight
down town and comes home with his ears
bitten up and his nose pointed to the north
east, she inquiries how the horse happened
to run away with him, and she says she is
50 thankful that he wasn't killed. She has
an excuse for anything, and she never ad-
mits that any one but herself is to blame
about anything. Lor' bless her-l hope
she'll shp into Heaven and never be asked
question.