The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-08-07
Dots Fanny, Ain'd Itc


II you want to know where the "cave Of gloom
Is eat dozen green appleS.
We have been requested by two or three
friends not to put that little scrape Of theirs in
the paper, Wen, we won't.
\ friend writes If you think it is fun TO cut
oats in their present condition, lust come out and
try your hand." No, thank you. Scratching up
locals affords us all the fun we want of weather.
And now the reaper reapeth, the mower now
eth, and the little humble bee getteth up the
busy Changers trousers-leg and bumbleth.
Roastin' ears are in the market. Try 'em il
you want to double up and 90 through IN iron
ring eight inches in diameter
On Gillispees' lightning rod wagon is conspic-
uously painted; "Spare the rod, and down goes
your shanty."
An insuperable objection to female lawyers is
that they cannot put their feet upon the table
and sit so while they are loungng in the court
room looking on while other lawyers are trying
cases. No lawyer is regarded as at all up to his
business who makes habit OF sitting with his
feet on the floor.
About this time the following is not an unfa.
milar scene in country schools: A small boy
rises and gazes timidly but Significantly at the
teacher. Teacher, speaking angrily-" Well
what's the matter with you now?" Small boy
in a low, melancholy tone of voice" Green wa
termelon." Teacher, promptly" Scoot."
The best place for boys to play marbles is in a
store of the man who don't advertise. The only
drawback would be that the boys might be sort
of lonesome.
The boy that goes in swimming near the
starch factory every evening with nothing to
conceal his nakedness but wart on his back, is
requested either TO discontinue The practice, OF
change the wart to the front.
A country dog came into town on business
with his master, and went down to the steam.
boat landing to inspect the Belle of Ottawa
There he met two city dogs who were struttinG
around looking for something to eat or fight
They proceeded to make the acquaintance of the
country dog, but not inclined to such sociability
country walked away, but was followed by the
city ours, who were not long in kicking up Il
three -cornered fight. by.stander turned his
head to see what the noise was all about and
taking in the situation at glance, turned partly
round, and giving one of the city dogs a broad.
side kicked him clear into the river The un.
pleasantness between the other two dogs ceased
at once. When the kicked dog came out Of the
river, he trotted down the shore in a reflective
mood, while his city companion stood behind a
water barrel undecided what to do.
When will there be only twenty-five letters IN
the Alphabet? When u and | are made one
This was the way one OF our dry goods clerks
gave the school marin hint on Tuesday even
ing
The smut mill on Nam street, in its last issue,
comes to the conclusion that /" the local of the
FREE TRADER must be an inventive cuss.' Wal,
CESS sorter, but we don't run no patent inside
II was Of course all right for the crowd to leave
the temperance lecture on Sunday, to 90 on a
steamboat excursion, but had it been Il game
of base ball there would have been a sin con-.
mitted.
Grandfather Grants little Sartoris weighed
101a pounds, and that is the weight for boys this
year.
Can it be possible that Kelar ran all the way
from Streator to Grand Ridge in order to escape
being in the Streator riot?