Orleans County monitor. [volume] (Barton, Vt.) 1872-1953, 1875-03-29
THE MAN WHO swoRE orr.


fifteen years, but on New Years morn
ing he arose and said to his wife:
Mary Jane Sinner, here l have
squandered at least dollar per week
for more than dozen years :"
but thought you said glass now
and then aided your digestion, " she said.
"All fudge and nonsense he contin-
ued /; .that was only an excuse to satisfy
my own conscience.
And I've heard you say that it made
you sleep better-helped you to have
clear head" she said.
"Nonsense-worst kind of bosh I've
drank up $500 in the last dozen years,
and it hasn't benefited me one cent"
.Well 2"
"Well. I'm going to quit. I'm going
to commence now. No more drinks for
Sinner after this ~
"Good bOy-noble husband she re-
piled. patting him on the chin; ''now
you begin to talk like a Roman-now
you are going to test your stamina !?
Sinner felt putting up with pride for
an hour or two. and then be began to
feel a goneness along down his throat.
He drank water, cold coffee and milk.
all>through the day; although when he
went to bed he dreamed that he was
flask of brandy and that a member of
Congress was carrying him in his coat
tail pocket. At midnight he woke with
his thumb in his mouth, just on the
point of taking a ten-cent drink, and at
daylight he inquired of his wife whether
it was the year 1875 or 1876.
That forenoon while he sat in his Of
fee a meek-looking stranger entered.
took paper from his pocket and said
that he was soliciting aid for the Kan
sas grasshopper sufferers.
"Grasshoppers be hanged :" exclaim-
ed Sinner. The next fraud who comes
here will get his neck broken ~
His chief clerk spoke to him about
ordering some goods, and he wheeled
around and said he would not order an
ether dollars worth in ten years. A
young man called to secure a place, and
Sinner threw the coal shaker and hit
him on the ear.
When he went home to dinner he fat
tered himself that he had succeeded in
curbing his inclinations to drink. and
his wife leaned on his shoulder and
whispered:
Samuel, you have got more stamina
than the Gar of Russia %
Going down town he entered saloon
and asked the saloon-keeper if he tho't
that moderate amount of brandy would
affect the health. The saloon-keeper
was sure it wouldn't The bottles look
ed good to Sinner, and there was pleas
ant smell as he leaned over the bar.
/ When he reached his Office he kicked
a chair over. hoisted the spittoon across
the room, and sat down and dated a let
ter 1877. A lady called to have him
subscribe something for new Sunday
school, and he bristled up and yelled:
mo, sir-nOt red Sunday schools
are killing the business interests of the
country !'
After about an hour he went out and
asked doctor if three drinks of gin per
day would hurt any one. The doctor
thought not, if they were light drinks.
Returning to the office Sinner hunted up
an old brandy bottle and sat and held
it long time and wondered how they
were made and threw it into the coal
box and went out on the street and ask
cd life insurance agent if two or three
drinks per day would hurt man. ..Of
course they wouldn't, replied the agent.
Going home to supper Sinner asked three
more men, and they all replied, mo-"
When he reached home he said the bis
cults weren't fit for cannibals. gave the
girl warning to leave, called his wife, S
brother who was on visit, hump
backed, willful liar.
When Sinner went down town in the
evening he asked three more doctors if
a little brandy was little hurtful. Then
he went into saloon and asked for some
pop. He was good while in drinking
. 1t. and then asked to look at the label
of brandy bottle. When he had read
1t he looked to see if the cork was in
) very tight, and asked the saloon-keeper
if he thought brandy would hurt anyone.
: When Sinner reached home that night
he threw his wallet at his wife, told tina
hired girl that she might stay there
, three thousand years, begged his wife
I brothers pardon. as he turned q hand
D spring in the parlor, he broke out with
$50. farewell. Mary Ann,
: You must do the best you can"
Sinner was tight.
o DoN'r CrofD Eor A. oh. e -