The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-07-09
SCENES IN A NEW YORK POLICE COURT.

The New York Herald man has had a
touch Of Detroit Free Press fever, and
disports himself thusly concerning the
proceedings in a Police Court of New
York:
"Its pretty story the officer tells me
about you, Bella Williamsp said his
Honor to scantily clad female below
him on the stand.
sand what is the story, sir?" meekly
interrogated the woman, mopping the
top of her head with an apron and wip-
ing her mouth on her sleeve.
"What Is it indeedw Numbered His
you didn't kn0wl Are you not aware
that you spread terror and dismay wher-
ever you went last night? Or, to sum
up everything In a single phrase, don't
you fully comprehend the circumstances
that before the shades of evening dark
ened the horizon, you, Bella Williams,
were beastly drunk? Ehp
"Well, Your Honor, did take little,
that's sure, but"-
"We don't want any 'buts' whatever.
The fact is, you drank pretty nearly
butt yourself, and that's what made you
80 Internally Wild"
"sure, 1 wasn't wild, Your Honorw
insisted the female.
"You wasn't whatw cried the Judge.
"Now, Bella Williams, this amt the first
time Pve sat upon this bench. Pm not
stultitied. If you examine carefully the
lineaments OF. my cOuntenance you will
readily perceive that am the last per-
son on earth whom one like yourself
could possibly rope in. Besid y here
are the facts, the raw, naked facts, and
they are things which no one of Nur
oaliber can lyingly set aside. Look in
my eye, Bella Williams, and truthfully
answer my question. Are you aware
to the Tombs?"
"No, Your Honor" was the reply.
"Well, you ELECTED the services of six
OF our strongest officers and four of their
heaviest clubs. When you arrived here
you were almost as naked as the day
upon which you were born. Do you i'm
agine for moment, madam, that we are
going TO stand anything like this?
Where do you liveW
81 live at Barrytown, sir" was the re-
sponse of the female, sand my husband
is postmaster there"
"Goodness graciousl vociferated the
magistrate, hammering his desk 80 vi0-
lently that all the inkstands danced up
and down like jumping jigs; "you the
wife OF government officer and
arrested dead drunk ON the streets of
New York. Como all the way down from
BarrYtown, too. Now, look a here Bella,
do you suppose we are going to allow
any woman from Barrytown to visit New
I York, get on spree, smash window
panes, gas lamps and crockery stands,
travel the streets dressed like Lady Go
diva and endangering the lives OF six of
our most valiant officers? You might
have killed those six officers, Bella Will
liams. just think Of the awful conse-
quencesl No, madaml we think too
much of our six officers to have their
lives placed in jeopardy by single female
! from Barry town. How can we tell, see-
ing that one woman from Barrytown has
imperiled the very existence of half q
dozen of the force, but that regiment
OF your type, at your diabolical sugges-
tion. might proceed from the same point
and annihilate our metropolitan police
pose to forestall this inevitable conse-
quence by making frightiul example Of
yourself. 1t would not be fitting in me
as Judge OF this court to permit the
safety of the metropolisto be endangered
by precipitated attack of females from
Barrytown. fine you $40 and hold you
under $500 bail to keep the peace"
"Nice lot of gentlemen you are," said
His Honor, addressing eight little shay
ers arraigned in a row before him, the
eldest Of whom could not have been over
ten. "Nice lot of boys to go in swim
ming down there at Fulton Market and
ferryboats. Arrested yesterday after
noon, believe, wasn't youW
Chorus of Youthful Bathers-Yes, sir.
"Had nice supper last night, pre-.
sume?' interrogated His Honor.
Aquatic Chorus-Didn't have nothin',
sir.
Sand what did you have for break
fastW
Chorus Of Depraved Infants-Not a
snootful, sir.
"Well, you've only had the station.
house as yet. Wait till you get over to
the Island; they never get anything to
ingly, expressing, however, unwittingly,
one OF the sublimest truths of modern
municipal government: "Now, look
here, boys, don't want to chide you for
trying to keep clean, but you have been
violating the law. 1t is not SO much
this especial misdemeanor 1 would
blame you for, but l desire to
warn you against the awful conse-
quence into which it leads. Yesterday
you layed yourself in the tranquil
waves Of the East river, and you did
WFOuSs w uo cdu preul0L, III case 6tefn
justice Is not meted out to you, what you
may do tomorrow Who can tell but
that you are even now upon that down.
ward course which will soon lead you to
scatter snuff into poodle dogs eyes, or
eventually plunge carving knife into
your grandfathers abdomen? 'Fuciis
descensus Qve1ni.' It's grave Latin that
Pm talking to you now, boys, and don't
suppose you fully comprehend it, but it
means that it is easier to 60 up town by
stage through Fifth avenue than it is to
come down by foot through the Bowery,
and it is maxim you should never for
get. Ifyou remember it it will be your
comfort In youth and the browning glory
Of your gray hairs. Pm not going TO send
you 10 the Island, boys. Run home to
your mothers"