The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-10-30
CREAM OUR EXCHANGES.

Ottawa, ILL.,, Saturday. October ~. $50.
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.
The Herald man of this city recently wrote an
original item with hrs scissors, from another
roner, stating that he had had dream in which
he found pile of grecnbacks, but awokc before
he could "reach for the money. We recon-
mended him to take soothing syrup so as TO IN
sure longer sleep next time, so that he might
secure the prize should he have similar dream.
The editor of the aforementioned twilight lamp
mat did not take kindly to our suggestion. He
objects to soothing syrup, because 1t isa foreign
drink. Our Korr-a ccpious friend, In his own case'
could truthfully raise the same objection to wa
ter The evening napkin man also states that
soothing syrup is good for inJants and noeefy
papers. Correct; and if the diminutive evening
dodqcf aged two weeks, If not an infant, ana
does not fill the bill as q 1ceakly well surrender
We agree with our friend Korn, too, on any other
matter. He says pass the fluid. SO do we, ana
the wider the distance it is OF, when it is pGssed
the better. .. '..
THE hop cholera Is getting entirely too thick
for comfort II IL was To break out in the radl-
cal party it would be just absolutely TERRIBLE
-Ndcoapin Enquirer
See here Mr. Enquirer, have you no respect for
the feelings Of hogs that you should put them
.lo,cn to level with the radical party! Isn't the
average hog AN improvement upon the Grant
Republican, You know that hogs are Ao1<st
How is it with the average office holding radical!
The ladies will now wear striped Kid gloves
1t is said that the top stripe will match that on
the stockings, but you cant prove it.-Er.
Yes YOU can. Ask the first pretty girl you
meet. She'll tell you the truth. Did you ever
know hanasome woman to lie about such lit
tie thing as the color Of the stripes on her
stockings Dad. .n ..}
1t is said thst human beings have 100000 Of
pores the ough which Precipitation and exhausted
particles of the system escape We are all pore
creatures. q. .... ... .t.
Because the Government would not give Spot
ted Tail seventy million dollars for the Black
Hills, we suppose we are to have an Indian sum
Iner this fali.-D1on Telegraph. ........ ,
Some one gives the following as the Scotch
view Of kissing;
Oh, II it wasna lawful 20 81
II it wasna holy, g ~ -.-. ~.
Ministers wadna doe it
)Iaidens wadna TAX it, . .n
II ii Wasna plenty, rt. .I -t
Puir folk couldna get it.
The poetry needs reconstruc ting 1t is errcn.
eous as applied to our case. In the first place,
were We to get kip, we'd prefer no "view,"I
Scotch or otherwise, and in the next place wei
are "puir fclls,o and yet we don't get any of the
afore alluded to osculatory delicious.ness, so toI
Th.a laaf loaS nulh rom
Be it eer sa plenty, .t
Editor Gamma get It;
Unless they were "beastly handsome"
And ran exclusively to CHECK"
Facts being stubborn things, a Wisconsin far
mer has christened his span OF mules by that
name.-Er ''t't '. a"
That farmer Is wise. Wherever he may go he
will always have the facts before him. His means
Of conveyance may be considered q mere fact
to turn. And he leads to the barn these fact
stoat-upl patent applied for) 'ur. l'
eyes, you may come again next Sunday even.
ing, Horace dear; but" ana she hesitated.
what is it, darlings Have given you paainf'
he asked, as she still remained silent. "You
didn't mean to, I'm sure" she responded; but
next time please don't wear those collars with
the points turned outward: they stick in ones
chCek."-Er. E8 ga i
She should wear on her cheeks the improycd
impcnetrable steel finished paint, "for sale at all
the leading drug stores" eaa a
John Green, of Minnesota, has shot three men
for ealing his sister stub n0sed," and yet pub
lie opinion is still against her nose.-Er
Yes, and she turns the stub end of that nose
against public opinion, and thus things are even.
The suggestion that ladies' dresses may be
made of the newly discovered unbreakablc
and elastic glass. prompts the hope that 1t isn't
the transparent kind.-Boston Post.
Does this not also apply to the girl in pull
back dress? We can see them blush and can see
their - supporters.
II Is quite the STYLE Of young ladies In giving
signs of recognition 10 their friends and ac-
quantances on the street TO favor them with
only the faintest perceptible nod Young gen
ueman don't like the style, but what are they
going TO do about It?
The narrow gauge pull back is the cause OF
e. fhe dear creatures cant bend
Somebody remarked that "large ears denote
broad comprehensive views and modes Of
thought" This may account for the Brilliant
exploits OF the genial mule
Yes, and OF the average radical editor
What a change a few years bring about-don't
they? Yesterday the citizens OF Arbor Hill were
aware OF a womer madly tearing along, potato
masher In hand, giving chase to her husband
VINO was HyinB from bcr presence IKE Il deer.
Eight years ago the same female took medal
at an Eastern seminary for graduating essay
on "Repose Of Character"
Getting married Is apt to disturb ones rcpose
Curtain lectures and squalllng babies are not
conducive to sleep or quiet repose. So married
men tell US.
Now that a neighboring grocer sends his boy
around every day 10 get paper 10 wrap up old
cheese In, there is not so much objection there
was to our friends sending in original poetry.
San ARtoaia Herald. !
Ode TO my landlady-Two weeks board bill
--EIcLdEge Yes. She understands joke of
of that kind, and that's why you're verse tol
meter, We ppose.-Brooklyn Argus
When TIVE young men indulge In a Sunday
street fight In Fort Wayne, Ind, they are allow
ed to 90 free OF arrest If they can show that
they were returning from Sunday SCHOOL,.
II HaaGpii gpe fair az M ona in Fort ,vna