Vermont watchman and State journal. [volume] (Montpelier, Vt.) 1836-1883, 1875-02-10
KIT and Unpor.



A COOP mother is worth hundred school.
masters.
CuRRANr literature ought TO be full of
tart sayings.
TmE most difficult asccnt--getting up
subscriptions
A BAD habit to get into-a coat that is
not paid for
LOVERS do the cooling before marriage,
aud tradesmen do the billing after it.
A PHILOSOPHER has discovered that men
don't object to being overrated except by
assessors
Now is good time TO buy thermometers.
They are lower than they have been since
last spring.
VINO is the LATEST man The furniture
dealer he keeps chairs and lounges about
all the time.
PursBURGH typographical error The
Legislature pasted the bill over the Gov
errors head
The difference between the cook and her
lover is, the one cooks the meat and the
other meets the cook.
A COW died in Springfield, Ohio, from eat
ing too many apples, which gave rise to
some trouble in cider.
THERE is nothing that will so sap the
leyity out Of a man as sitting down on a
damp spot with thin pants.
BRooLYN man with " club foot was
much comiorted by married man who adj
mtted having dubbed head
IT is asserted that if the comet hits Chi
cago, one thousand one hundred and six
divorces will be blasted in the bud.
A NEGRO in Pittsburgh fell from the roof
of a three-story house last week; utstriking
square ON top Of his head, his life was saved.
"CAN'r you make any allowance for
mans being drunk 2" F." Certainly" said
the judge. an allow you thirty days in
the work-house."
A LITTLE girl, upon her return from
childrens party, being asked If she had a
good time, replied "Yes but there wasn't
much boys there"
Why did he hate it so 2 A certain mem
Der of Congress has given a New England
college no less than eighteen hundred and
forty patent Office reports.
WHAr'LL you ask to warrantthes horses
good ?" asked a buyer of a horse dealer
"Oh don't trouble yourself. I'll warrant
them good for nothing" was the equivocal
reply.
TmE spectators at a wedding, in England
the other day, must have been surprised to
see the bride walked on the arm of her
father "a feat which is duly recorded in a
local paper.
A PETRrfIED negro was lately found in a
garret over a law office in a village in Mis-
sissippi. 1t was supposed that he under
took to study law, and became absorbed in
Blackstone.
DARWIN still secretly believes in it, but he
hates TO have a man come up and say, Good
morning, Mr.. Darwin; how's your old baboon
of grandfather, and hows the apess, your
grandmother p
A COUPLE of fellows who were pretty
thoroughly soaked with bad whiskey got
into the gutter After laundering for some
time one of them said, " Let's 60 to another
house; this hotel leaks"
READING the great Surgeons declaration
that cigar is thing TO thank God for"
Liberty street school-boy bought cigar,
He was afterwards seen hanging over fence,
but he was not giving thanks.
One morning Pat was taking down the
shutters, when a brother lrishman was pass
ing by. "Why are you taking down the
shutters Pat 2" said he. TO let out the
dark, to be sure was the reply.
PRuDENr mother" Don't look at Pro-
lessor Won Bungs so, Dora, dear, or people
will think YOU are in love with him." Dora
| (who is inconsolable for the losss of her dar-
/ ling poodle -" can't help it, ma he is the
exact image of poor Mompsy I"
AGENrLEMAN took the following telegram
to a telegraph office announce with grief
] Tho oh 90 ITpcia Ia,nas lorna l,. 4,
read will | believe we are the heirs John
Black" The clerk, having counted the
words, said There are two words too
many, sir" IAN right Cut out with
grief"
GOOD story is told of recent "smash-
up" on Western railroad. gentleman
who. in coming from Baltimore to Rock
Island, had met with four accidents, was on
this occasion in the car that was turned com
pletely over Making his way through a
window and gaining an upright position, he
looked around him and coolly inquired
"What station do you call this p
An exchange tells us that a school-boy' 5
toothache generally commences at eight in
the morning; reaches its highest altitude at
quarter to nine, when the pain is intense
to an extraordinary degree; commences to
with celebrity that must be very comforta-
bic 10 the sufferer. II at night the boy hasn't
got four quarts of walnuts spread out to dry
up stairs, it is because there is no place up
stairs to do it.
"YouR young friend stayed uncommonly
late last night, and was quite inclined 10
come into the parlor and dismiss him." said
an indulgent father to his pet of sixteen.
/ . lafa lt,t
interested in discussing ritualism that we
did not notice the feeting hours, Papa p
Discussing ritualism 2" stemly queried the
father, and then he walked slowly away
with his hands under his coat-skirts, trying
to remember what they called it when he
was young.
One morning, ON entering the chamber OF
a French marquis, whom he had attended
through very dangerous illness, the doctor
was thus accosted, Good day, to you, DR.
Bouvart; feel quite in spirits, and think
my fever has left me-" al am sure it has,
replied Bouvart, drily. "The very first ex
preston YOU used convinced me of it,
" Pray explain yourself" Nothing is easier
In the first day Of your illness, when YOU
life was in danger, was your dearest friend
as you began to get better, | was your good
Bouvart; and now | am DIR. Bouvart; de
pend upon it, you are quite recovered"
A SERIOUS practical joke was perpetratet
in Western Massachusetts, town recently
Somebody whispered to Mrs. A. that hel
husband was rather intimate with Mrs. Il
Mrs. AS jealousy was aroused, and she a
once went for her neighbor, who was &C
cused of alternating the affections of hei
spouse. Mrs. b. was not at home, but tn,
indignant wife must soothe her laceratet
heart, so she gave Mr.. b. sound pummel
ing, concluding with the remark that she
should serve his wife in the same way the
next time she met her. Mrs. Is. returned
shortly after Mrs A. had left and Mr.. b.
smarting under his castigation, pitched int
his wife, and what the result might hav,
been none can tell, if neighbors hadn't inter
fered and explained
INFANTILE CRITIcIsM.--In one Of oui
Walnut street dry goods houses is employed
N ,fpnnu man - 1tp,tpnttVa atat,,r. -