The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-08-07
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
HoME.-rO Adam and Eve Paradise was home
to the good among their descendants home is Par
adise. =
How They EooK-If the ladies take another
reef in their dresses they will need to get outside
them when walking They now look like a
pair of lOng-legged pants of a peculiar pattern.
A BULL.-Mr. O'GOrman perpetrated this bull
in q recent speech in the House of Commons !:
- When last spoke here was in Ireland
HELPs.-Warm weather helps one to be good
That is, you don't whether your neighbor
has big wOOd-pile or small one.
CHANGED HER RELIGIoN.-A lady, on separating
from her husband, changed her religion, being de-
termined, she said, to avoid his company in the
next world as well as this.
CORsETs.-Lucy Stone denounces corsets be-
cause Eve did mt wear them. Lucy is built right
up straight, like board, and is so inhexibe that
eorsets don't make any impression on her. The
plea for corsets is that il Eve had been more staid
in her conduct she would have stayed longer in
Paradise
ABOUT TIaE.-When mother cuts her sons
hair with such nice precision and artistic neatness
that the boy is ashamed to take off his hat when
he goes to bed, it is about time domestic in
stitutions were overhauled and remodelled.
WHEN ARE STOCKINGS LIKE DEAD MEN ?-When
they are men-ded; or, perhaps, when their soles
are departed; or, again, when they are all in
holee; or, when they are in toe-toe or, when
they are past heelng or, when they are no longer
on their last legs. r
Hrs Sect Sir said little clustering man
TO a religious opponent, '' to what sect do you
know" replied his opponent, 20 but to Judge from
your size. appearance and constant buzzing,
should think you belonged to the class generally
called insect -. ---. ..-... -.
PERHAPs.-The latest anecdote brought to light
by the Centennial celebration IS rather amusing.
While the British troops were marching through
old Cambridge, one of them said jestingly to
farmer sowing seed, - You may sow, but we shall
reap" g Well, perhaps you may vas the reply,
" for am sowing hemp
YEAsr.-'' Please, sir said a boy. with two
bottles, to n grocer, {" mother wants a cents
worth of your best yeast 80 Well, which bottle
will you have it in - - Please, sir, she wants
it in both and won't you put corks in 'em, ard
send em homt, rs I'm going t'other way and
mother says she hain't got no cent, but you must
charge it,
APPRoPRIATE REsoLUTIoS.-At n meeting of
Confederate soldiers the other day in Atlanta, so
many were dubbed with titles that the following
appropriate resolution was introduced % Re
solved, That the president appoint committee OF
one to inquire whether there were any surviving
prIvates Of the late war
I
plump; he was large-fOoted, but very gaunt, and
he had his boot-legs made TO fit He wagered
her pair of gloves that she could not get his boot
on. She gazed scornfullS at bis elephantine foot
and accepted. And then she tried to get the boot
on; and he didn't have to get the gloves.
But ONE.-A Cincinnati woman says: 81
never knew but one woman, in my life, who chose |
to make her husbands shirts, and confessed she |
liked to do it, and she had nothing else TO do /;
could leave them any moment had some one else /
to work the button holes; had ready-made bos- |
oms, and when she finished her half-dozen, was /
presented by her delighted spouse with twenty |
dollars in greenbacks. No wonder she liked it |
Here is what 90 Brick - Pomeroy says about |
the qualifications of an editor No man should |
ever attempt to be an editor and publisher unless
he has the pluck of a bulldog, the tenacity of |
death, the ugliness of devil, the mellowness of /
a child, the independence of most perfect man
hood. the fullest faith in his ability to endure |
and willingness to wait for years, to the very |
verge Of the grave, even till the opening of |
eternity for his reward.
Winch OR THREE "A correspondent of an
Illinois paper wanted to know which of three p,
gifts offered to him he should choose-a sew-ma-
chine, dictionary, or wife. He said he thought |
serisusly of accepting the dictionary. He was
advised to choose the wife, as he would be able
20 get all the words he wanted out Of her, and /
more, too.
They DIDN'T SEE THE JOKE, But HE FELT Ir.-A
thoughtlese young man from Massachusetts went |
out into Pottawattamie county not long ago TO
start paper, and IN order to tickle the fancy of
the inhabitants, of whose temper he was igno-
rant, he published the following in his first issue:
IS The fighting editor is at home at all hours of
the day and night ready, willing and anxious to
receive all visitors who have grievances He
carries two revolyers, 4 slung-shot, pair of
brass- s-knuckles, bowie-knife as long as q cross
cut saw, razor in each boot, and eel-skin,
bludgeen, and bottle, of poison!'' Every man
in POttawattamie thought it was a challenge,
and all day long they dropped in, siRgly, in
pairs, by threes, and il squads and platoons.
Every soul of them whipped the editor, and the
last man, who came in about p. NJ, had to
sweep him up in the middle of the floor and
paste hieA together with putty, in order to get
kick ut him. The paper only issued the initial
number. Burlington (lotr0) Halrkeye.