The Abbeville press and banner. [volume] (Abbeville, S.C.) 1869-1924, 1875-07-21
SUNbGAMS.

What did the spider do when he came
out of the ark? He took a fly and went
home.
sThe Sweet Summer Land of the Soul"
is the title of song just published. Won
der if there are any mosquito bars TO tue
music.
A boy who will yell like a tartar if crop
Of water gets on his shirt band when his
neck is being washed, can crawl through
sewer after a ball, and think nothing OF 1t.
ooh I've loved before" said q Detroit
woman to her fourth husband, as she took
a handful of hair from his head because
he objected to hang out the weeks washing.
A Green. Bay couple walked four miles
on, snowshoes to get married, and it.. PROB,
ably won't be over month before he .Wlu
ten her to split: her own wood If she wants. aus.
any p g.
eIdict 4" exclaimed lady coming out
Of the theatre recently as a gentleman ac-
cidently stepped on her trailing SKIRT.
(which one Of us3" blandly responded the
man. - -
: A good rhinosceros costs $500, and un-
less there's a great decline in the market
most of us must be satisfied with five dol
lar parlor mat having colorod tiger stamp
ed on it.
A Boston antiquarian says This eighteen
year.old wife is very affectonate, but lit
puzzles him to understand why she
should insist daily On his getting his life
insured.
1t cost Great Britain two thousand dol
lars to make the Sk:th Knight of the
Garter, but forty cents worth Of London
gin made him so drunk that he couldn't
stand.
A wealthy Philadelphian who died re-
GENTLY, stipulated in his will that his near
est relative should asslssinate the obituary
,ditor of the daily Ledger if he made any
soetical remarks on the subject.
4 boy found pockct-book, and returned
+ to its owner, who gave hlm hve cent
biece. The boy lookel at the coin an In
slant, and then handi..S 1t reluctantly back
sudibly sighed, as he said, Il can't change
it."
"From what you know Of him, would
Won believe him under OATH" "That de-
bends on circumstances. If he was 81
much intoxicated that he did not know
what he was saying, I would; if not, !
wouldn't"
A Baltimore young woman skated herself
through the ice; but as the water was only
tourfeet deep, and she was five feet long, sh'
stood up and informed q young man OF wha
had happened, and he courageously passed
her board.
The Columbia (Tenn.) Herald and Mail
tells of a negro man at that place whe
weighs 22S pounds and wears No. II bro
gan. If that negro should determine to
make tour of New England, Rhode Island
would find her only safety in crawling un-
der fifty gallon sugar kettle.
It is now reported that Ringtown is to
have newspaper. To run a paper profitl-
bly at that place, it would require o mar
who could eat dried apples for breakfast:
drink warm water for dinner, and swell ur
for supper. No other sustenance would b.
afforded him.-Shenandoah Herald.
"May I leave few tracts ?" asked a
medical missionary Of d lady who respond.
ed to his knock. "Leave some tracts:
Certainly you may" said she, looking at
hin, most benignly over her specks. Leave
them with your heels toward the house, ii
you please"
"Yes, sir" yelled preacher in Dakota
church one Sunday morning, there's more
living and swearing and stealing and gen.
eral deyiltry to the square inch is this here
town than all the rest of the American
country" and then the congregation got
up and dumped the preacher out OF the
window.
A eeutlenan who had been indulging the
GREAT North American privilege Of getting
DRINK, SAYS he was holding to q hmp-post,
and as soon as he let 60 the post fell down.
That's the last thing he remembers. The
truth is, this man has been "bowed under
the penalties of genius.
A Minnesota Judge, in pronouncing the
death sentence, tenderly observes: - eli
guilty, you richly deserve the fate that
awaits you; if innocent, it will be graft
fcation for you to feel that you were hang
ed without such a crime on your conscience
in either case youwll be delivered from a
world Of care"
Phenia Epps, Of Hamilton, Ohio, asked
her mother to take note for her to friend
OF CQ6 ldluuy ASliis, III ~ AeI@1 '1ASSe' ~
note when opened was found to read; "This
is a little ruse of mine to get mother out
of the house. Before she can get back l
will be on the cars with dear Lorenzo, and
before night will be married"
A Texas steer, animated with Cincinnati
yhiskey, visited rolling mill in that city
a. few days ago, and after nosing around q
bit, concluded that a gigantic hy-wheel
was the only thing about the place worthy
of his attention. So he pranced into the
Ay-wheel, ard his owner says that if he can
recover piece of one of his horns he will
be satisfied.
The Newburyport Herald relates that re.
Gently benevolent gentleman from Yer.
mont applied to Boston gedtleman for aid
in sending Vermont missionary to 1ur.
key. The reply was as [ollows:--"1 have
invested much in Vermont securities and
lost many thousands by the acts OF your
railroad men, sustained by the people and
the courts. l have also lived In Turkey,
and had much intercourse with her people.
would far rather give my money to send
Turks az missionaries to Vermont
Robert Collyer says the children must
have less study and more fun. He is right.
There is the boy in the family across the
way. Last Thursday afternoon he put a
dead mouse in his mothers work.basket,
attached split stick to the tail Of the next
door cat, set the vinegar faucet up in busi-
ness, palmed himself OF us ghost on the
hired girl when she went down cellar after
the butter, besmeared his fathers choice
white bantam rooster with blue ink, and
finally wound up the entertainment by ty-
ing the boiler to strange dogs tail, and
slipping down in the slush, hurting his back.
His exasperated father hardly knows which
to hunt up 6rst-.thc strange dog with the
boiler, or Robert Collyer.
Eugene Crabtree, brother of the spright-
~ and otherwise fascinating Lotta, is al