The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-04-06
X 5zsa..,.,3i, = -. 49,,
PEcuuARl1lES.

wv Oil, what can 90 lot yOusS S1l0
Damon, Of the Milwaukee Poor Depart
ment to Ninth Ward female all rags and
tatters. I'D like a cord O weed, bag
O. -four, and, if ye don't mind, Mister.
daily paper for six months, jest to see
how this Beecher trial is a-coming out, ye
see. "---Mil,uaukee News.
-"Do you retail things here!" asked
a green looking specimen of humanity, as
he poked his head into storeroom. Eyes
sir,'' replied the clerk, thinking he had
got customer. "Then wish you would
retail my dog: He had it bitten off about
q month ago., and greeny strolled. down
the street with one eye closed. ~
"A Boston gentleman of tobacco-chew-
ing proclivities, in response to his wife's
wish that he would get cuspidores, pro-
cured hogshead, had it sawed in two,
painted green, and then beth halves filled
with white sand and located in his back
parlor. She thinks she could have made
better selection, ard says it all comes Of
letting him choose.
-"Bub, did you ever stop to Think
said Michigan avenue grocer yesterday,
as he measured out half peck of pota-
toes, shat these potatoes contain sugar,
water and starch q "Noa, didn't, re-
piled the boy, ''but heard mother say
that you put peas and beans in your cof-
fee, ard about a pint of water in aboat
every quart of milk you Sold" The sub
ject of natural philosophy was dropped
right there.
"A small boy sat down in chair in
the Central station Saturday to warm his
feet, and. observing that the lads mouth
was stained with molasses candy, an off,
Ger asked: $50 you like molasses candy,
eh = 'If [ didn't. do you s'posc I'd get
up in the night and hook money out'd
dads wallet to buy it, and then squeeze
into bar'l in the alley SOS not to let the
boys see me eat it?' Indignantly re-
sronded the lad.
"A horse fell, so says the Figaro,
''on the boulevard the other day, and in
stantly expired. Some delay ensucd be-
fore the dead animal could be removed.
In my country, observed . Yankee, who
happened to be witness of the scene,
there would have been half a dozen ad-
vertisemcnts pasted on his stomach by
this time.'' We do not think the FL
caro- so far out Of the way in this bit Of
pleasantly about our American propen-
sity to advertise.
When Parson Smiths daughter,
Mary, was to marry young Mr.. Cranch,
the father permitted tho sanity maiden
to decide on her text for the sermon. and
she meekly selected, ''Mary hath chosen
the better part, which shall not be taken
away from her." and the discourse was
duly pronounced. But when her wild
young sister, Abby, was bent on marry
ing certain Squire Adams, called John,
whom her father disliked, and would not
even invite to dinner, she boldly sug-
gested for her test, t'John came, neither
eating bread nor drinking wine, and We
say he hath devil.'' But, says Colonel
Higginson, whose version of the story we
g,ve' no sermon stands recorded under
this prefix, though Abby lived to be the
wife of one President of the United States,
and mother of another.
Here is fact for the. bows. The
other day, when it was very cold, I had
hung thermometer outside a window:
whence the wind blew lit down into the
snow beneath. When dug it out of the
snow, [ found the mercury up to the
freezing point; bit it sunk immediately
to much lower degree. Few think Of
this uniform temperature of the snow:
and that, relatively to some other things.
it is very warm. The inherent ca!oric
of snow is q most valuable source Of
warmth to persons caught out in the cold
beyond shelter, as they would find bv
burrowing in it: when, with the aid of .
buffalo robe or blankets, one might sleep
comfortably and safely; though the Irish
mans question-how many snow-balls
it would take to boil tea-kettle-must
remain unanswered.
An Irish citizen called at the pest-
office: sonny letters for O'Hoolahan o.
(Which of them?' sonny Of thin"
''What's your first name!" "None Of
your business fwat my name is; want
letther." eve can't tell whether there
is any letter for you without knov;nr
what your name is. s'I'm q naturalized
citizen, and amt as much right to a iet-
Their as onybody "Why, yes, Of course.
if there is one for you. I can't tai
whether there is any for Won m.
less you tell me your name.'' "Gimme .
name, / tell you'll "Me name -; ;s your
name is--Pathrick Mahoney." lClerk
looks.) ssThere is no letter for Patrick
Mahoney.' After little more stubborn
insisting. the man started away. A pen.
tleman who had been looking on T;tb
much enjoyment, inquired: $50 Won
didn't get any letter, after all, Pal -
"No, said Pat, with a-wink; ssbut T cot
even with him. It wasn't me own 49,
l guv him Is there any other postoff;ce
in this town where I could get a letther
SURF '