American citizen. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 1864-1890, 1875-12-11
That !" Election Hat"

HE strobe into the office with majestic
tread like the young man who has been
studying the character of " Hamlet" with
intent to ruin the reputation of Booth. A
wild maniac glare lighted his restless eye,
and his equally restless other eye was
similarly illuminated. His clothing, with
the exception of his hat, had seen better
days-a great many better days. His hat
was faultless, tile of latest pattern. Its
aristocratic curves we're lines of beauty,
and its glossy surface was as smooth as a
lightning rod agents tongue. 1t seemed
as though the deities of good fortune had
decided to endow this Individual with
shining raiment, and had begun at the ex-
tremity which was nearest to them.
He paced the floor a moment and then
assumed an I" attitude" Snatching a red
herring from his hip pocket and brandish-
ing it aloft, he quoth:
"Is this dagger which see before me;
Or hath this herring cast delirium DER me?
have thee not, and yet see thee still
Fain would clutch thee by thy pallid gill.
Are thou not, fatal vision, sensible
That, in eluding me, your course is reprehen-
sible?
A dagger to the mind, false creation
A paltry herring, or an emanation
Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain,
gaunt, grim, spectral--"
Drunk" sweetly murmured the Office
boy and started for the nearest officer.
The effect of this interruption was in
Simultaneous and decided. The wild light
faded fr.'m the strangers eyes, and he
moved from his central position on the
floor, taking steps of the ordinary length
instead of five-foot strides. Removing his
glossy tile, he placed it cOnspicuously on
the Office edition of Webster, and then sat
down-a thoroughly changed, thoughtful,
subdued man. After a moments silence,
he said:
"You see that hatr Well, that's what
did it, Rum didn't do it. Blighted af-
fections didn't do it. Political disap-
pointments didn'tdo it. Religious excite
ment didn't do it. Why, sir, I've lived
ming, and was never brought to such a
condition as this; was once candidate
for Alderman, was accused of poisoning
my mother-in- law, was convicted of steal
ing eels from fishwoman, and was over
whelmingly defeated-but l stood it like
man; l was converted when l was a
mere boy-gone through all sorts of ex-
element, and have come out all right
every time. Buried my mother law,
and reason never tottered on its throne
no, sir. But that hat did it-that con
| founded hat.
"You see l bet on the electiOns-bet a
hat. Lost? No. Worse than that
,oon. And so went and picked out the
very nobbiest hat in the market And
pretty soon it was noised about that Jones
by the way, Jim Jones-that Jones had
won hat on the elections. l was con-
graduated. 1t cost me Just six dollars
and seventy five cents to be congratulated
yes; and the ten cents more for the fel-
low who said he never drank or smoked,
but wanted to help me wet my hat, and SC
he'd take a paper of tine-cut. Six dollars
and eighty-five cents. And then
started to go home. l was just
six saloons away from home. l got there
at midnight, and my hat had cost me
something over seventeen dollars. oh
what a love of a hatn exclaimed Mrs
Jones. Won it on the electionss Didn'
cost you a cent? Now you can get mt
that dear little bonnet-can't you, Jonesy?
She occasionally calls me Jonesy
Well, you see l couldn't explain to hel
the mysteries-I may say the erpensiu
mysteries-of hat wetting, and Sc 1 bough
her that love of a hat for nothing! TIL,
bill for the bonnet raised the price of my
free hat to upward of twenty six dollars
The news that Jones won hat on thu
elections you know, is spreading. Tit