Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-06-04
II U r .

AN AWFUL LIAR.-He didn't look like
a liar. He had in fact a George Washing
ton face, and his enunciation was loudly
honest and decidedly nasal. He sat roast
ing his alternate sides in front of red
hot saloon stove, amid a party of bummers
who were trying to outlie each other.
s'Talkin' about ightnin'.'' said he, 81
reckon none o. you lazzaroni was ever
struck, was you? NJ? Well, 1 was. Yes
you see was out shootin' prairie chickens
in Eelinoy last August, and there came up
the awfullest thunder storm ever seen in
the whole course o. my life. 1t rained
cats an dogs, an the thunder rolled, an
the forked lightning darted all over the
sky like forked tongues. l got behind
haystack that sort o. leaned over to the
south, an the first thing | knowed the
lightnin' struck that an set it on fire.
Then moved to walnut tree that stood
near, an double tinted bolt ripped that
into splinters. l moved to another tree,
an the lightnin' struck it. Then began
to think it meant me, an so jest walked
out, bumped myself up and took three or
four Of the d-dest claps ever heered. 1t
shuck me up right peart, but beyond rip
pin the coat often my back, an splittin'
one O. my boots from tip to toe, it didn't
do no particular damoge. But you don't
find old Jim around huntin' row O. that
kind again." The discomftted bummers
looked curiously into each others faces for
moment, and then, one by one, silently
arose and sneaked out, leaving Truthful
James MASTER of the field.
Ply SKINNY! ISL Dor So?-There is
doubtless such thing as excessive prompt
ness in emergencies. Presence of mind
and determination are admirable qualities
in themselves, but it sometimes happens
that a decision made upon the spur of the
moment is regretted upon more deliberate
survey of the field. This remorse seems to
have overtaken lately worthy Dutchman
Of Anaka county. Minnesota. The Dutch
man was seeking to reach town at some
distance from Sank Centre, and to accom-
plish this must drive over the prairie from
the latter town. He was unaccustomed
to the road, and night overlook him with
his vehicle fast in slough and no town
in sight. He sought the solitary farm
house visible and asked permission to stay
till morning. the farmer telling the travel
er, however, that it would be necessary
for him to sleep with the children OF with
the farmer himself, as their accommoda-
tioDs were limited. Quick as lightning,
the Dutchman expressed his resolution
not to sleep with the "bodderation schilt-
rem so he slept with the farmer. The
rest of the story may be given in his own
language:
81 A FREAK OF THE TELEGRAPH.-Of all
the freaks Of the telegraph, the following
is one of the most laughable: A young
man, when about to start for his new
parish,> was unexpectedly detained
by the incapacity Of his presbytery to Or
dain him In order to explain his nom
arrival at the appointed time, he sent the .
following telegram to the deacons of the
church: ''Presbytery lacked a quorum 10
message got strangely metamorphosed, and
it reached the astonished deacons in this
shape: ''Presbytery tackled worm on to
ADAM The sober church officers were
sorely discomposed and mystifed, but,
after grave consultation, concluded that
it was the minister's facetious way of an
nouneing that he had been married, and
accordingly provided lodgings for two in
stead of one.-Scotch paper.
A pedestrian, passing along Maeombs
street. Detroit, saw father staggering
drunk, being led along by a ragged son,
and he felt so mad that he exclaimed:
''See here, you debased sot, if you had a
spark of manhood in your rum-burned soul,
you would not make such public spec
taele as thisp'
4sMizzers'' replied the man, reaching out
his hand to shake; ''Mizzer, I've been a
drunkard for thifty-four years, and these
have been the fust kind words ever spoken
to nae. Gimme yer hand, Mizzer-I'm go
ing to reform eight away"
John Thompson, g2n young rascal, Was |
that you in Mrs. Pumper's yard digging |
up her rhnbarb.' % "Wen, father, cant say. 4
can only remember what didn't do. |
was in Mrs. Pampey's yard at the time
you mention. but what just occurred | |
don't reeollect. The rhubarb may have
been dug up, and | infer from Ehat you
say, that it was, but don't remember
Fond parent retires, entirely Modified. /
AS Detroit man WAS digging in his
garden his wife appeared at the door and
shouted. -'CoMe, you old fEaud-con.s in
TO dInneri'' AS he did not come she Open |
ed the door pretty soon and yelled: Hain}t /
you coming to dinner. you blasted" She
saw neighbor in the garden alone with i
her husband, and finished: sold daning, 4
yousn
slVeli, in der mornin'. ven we comes nit !
der sthaifs down, l see two girls apout |
seventeen ad nineteen years old, und |
ask der old man: PEGS dem girls der
shiQfren you told nae apsqt?' und he say
:yaw; dem ish mine only slliItEen! und I
says to myself, Ply shiminy! ish dot ss2"-
N Y. Commercial ADVERTISER.
The fellow who asked for Jock of his
girls hair was Informed that it '.eosts
money hair does ~