Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-03-17
MISCELLANEOUS.
The head mana barber.

Tho head mana barber.
Played out-a retired actor.
Old age increases Us in wisdom--
aud in rheumatism.
Necessity il the mother OF invcn-
tion, but Pa,eut Rights is the father.
Most people are like pggs--too
full OF themselves to hold anything
else.
"A rough estimate guessing you
can knock man down.
Tho United States already pays
twice as much in pensions as any other
nation in the world. 9
The prospects for silver mining in
/ Utah this season are reported as being
unusually favorable.
-"Smoihered Venus" is Califor-
nia dish, but in spite of the name II is
only becfsteak and onions.
COLORADO steps into the Union
with more than 100 mountain peaks
over 1900 feet high. p
There is more ice in tho Ohio riv.
er, above Cincinnati, than there has
| o00n aos os0t hoiA CSusu1y. a
"A new gown for ladies', 10 slip on
lOver everything, when in hurry, 10
appropriately called jeff.davis. III
sis that your offspring, madam7n
said Missouri Judge 70 an elderly
female. "No. sir" said she, s.it's my
Oldest boy .t
The crusade movement is again
sprouting in the East, and saloon
proprietors contemplate the fact with
fear and trembling.
AT the theatre, last evening some
one shouted 'Down In front ~ where
upon five young men instinctively felt
Of their upper lips.
About this timc expect to hear of
sudden freshete, floods and deluges
from every part of the land, for this is
the season in which they ripeu.
A man at El Paso, Mexico, has ac-
turaliy put in q claim against the
United States for nine chickens des-
troyed by coyotes from tho American
side.
General Concha has le It Cuba LEFT
l ASA ia NCCpGE tuau Blu StukAuS 4A ku0
Atlantic ocean, and settling down.
I We cay SETTLING down." because she
| can never settle up.''
"A hound chased a fox seventy
miles in Adams and Barks counties,
Pa, the other day, captured and killed
II, and was found eAn1usted by the
side Of the dead body.
| -Allusion has been made ini the
British Parliament of ''the return Of
numerous Irish emigraDts from Amer
lea who havc acquired Western vices
and forgotten their Irish virtue"
1t is perfectly sure that though
winter has broken back, and cannot
give US any more weather Of the old
stock, you can find some poor family,
to help, if yon really want to be hap
py.
~ person OF iuauiring turn Of
mihd nsks, 'Docs the Lord lOye man
| who spends at q church festival the
money he owes hia washcrwoman 2"
We pass the conundrnm to the next
man.
"A strange claimant for the proper
ty Of John Mccormick, who was mur-
dered in Mount Vernon, Ohio, lately,
turned mp in the shsp of his widow,
with whom he has not lived for over
40 years.
"A man in Elk county, Pa, hss lust
discovered the meaning Of putting his
foot in it. 1t was 3 tree which had
been split open by the wind, and Il
swung back, the splft closed on him,
and the man lost q leg.
Tho man who brought down two
birds with one stono was nowhere
compared with the honest Granger
who brought down two birds with
two stones, one il each, and then sold
the chickens by u,e pound.
"A young Tennessee lady died re-
Gently at the weight OF $50 pounde,
everybody who attended the funcral
was weighed down with grief, and the
pail bearers felt as though they could
scarcely stagger through it and live.
-"She is perfect Amazols,' p said q
pupil in one OF our schools or his
teacher, yesterday. to compAnion.--
"Yes," said the other, who was better
versed in geography than history. 81
noticed che had an awful big mouth"
\ Among the many aftectionaAe and
devoted husbands for which uAyton
10 distinguished, one has . peculiar
signal Tor calling his mate. He afuRs,
"Come thou fount of every blesaknE,"
and II she is in the house che comes
to him at once. NJ
"A Thomas street school boy had
just got his face fixed to sing "Let us
lovo oua another" when SNOWFALL
hit him in the mouth and 90 confused
him that he yelled: "Dill Sykes, inst
do that again aud I'll chaw your ear
oE."-R0Me Sentinel
"A political orator speaking of q
certain general whom he professed to
admire, said that on the field OF batt1a
he was always found where the bul.
let's were the thickest. "Where was
that ~ asked one of his admirers. "In
the ammunition wagon"
An ambitious Texan, having read
somewhere about the' Pope's bull. an
nounces in one of the papers published
in the interior Of the State that be has
a three-year-old brindle steex, blind Of
one eye, that he will match to whip
any bnll the Pope can produce.
-Machinery has reached q great
state OF perfection. An exchange re.
marks "We recently saw some burnt
lpcas put into the hopper of q cofFa mill
audin less than two minutes they
were occupying place in grocery
window, labeled "Fine Old Mocha"
Eer-M. Figuier, the French scieutast.
has discovered by algebra. or some
l thing, that Heaven is only 100 miles
above earth. Old Figai@ might bring
It ninety.nine and soven-eighths
miles nearer, and evm then great
many people Of this earth couldn't xct
in.
"A very tall darkey entered the
rooms OF the Aid and Relief Society
the other day, and inquired: docs
you give ont pervisions heah r. "Yci
wo aid the poor hera" replied tht
agent "what do You want most 2
"Wall, my heart is set on q sprip,
i Chicken0 renlied thu 6arkov- s<lsnt l