Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-01-29
0leanings.

science never does.
The greatest labor question Of the day
is how to avoid labor
If your piano-forte should catch fire, the
best plan is to play on it.
What is that which by losing an eye has
only nose left? A noise.
Don't throw dust in your teachers eyes.
1t will only lnjure the pupil.
Haste makes waist. Young ladies should
linger over meals accordingly.
Talking politics is business not profit
able enough to support a family.
There are various stations in life, but
the least desirable is a police station
If man can sleeD on pint of whisky,
how many pints would it take to wake"
him."
A queer old chap has nick named his
daughter Misery, because she likes COM
pany
A man, who by mistake took a drink
from bottle of mucilage, says he has
felt stuck up ever since.
A Philadelphia manufactory turns out
5000 umbrellas a day-about half Of
the number that are stolen in the same
time
The Cologne Gazette is constructing a
private 30Omile telegraph line to Ber-
lin in order to get early parliamentary
reports.
What more precious thing can man
have, asked the New York Matl, than the
first love of an innocent girl-with an un-
divided interest in fourteen boulevard
lots?
A young man charged with being lazy
was asked if he took it from his father
81 think not" was the reply. Father
has got all the laziness now he has ever
had"
Your dress" said a husband TO his
fashionable wife, will never please the
men" Il don't dress to please men,"
was the reply, "but to worry other wo-
men, v
An English traveller says, put an
American baby, six months old, on its
net and it will Immediately say, Mr..
Chairman" and call the next cradle to
order
A Western editor insists that he wrote
the word 'trousseau" plain: as pikestaff
in connection with certain bridal pres
ents. The printer, however, vulgarly put
it trousers"
True glory consists in doing what de-
serves to be done; in writing what de-
serves to be read; and in so living as to
make the world happier and better for
our living in it.
Landlady, fiercely :-"You mustn't oc-
cupy tllat bed with your boots on
Boarder:- Never mind; they're an old
pair. | guess the bugs won't hurt 'em;
let 'em rip, anyhow"
A colored preacher, in discoursing to
his people on the efficiency of earnest
prayer, delivered himself in this manner:
81 tell you, bredern, It's PRAYER that gibs
de debil de locked jaw"
A Little Falls editor has received his
Christmas box 1t came from the hired
girl and hit him on the ear. She saws no
man can come kissin' around her when
she's got her hands in the pie-crust
A Leavenworth man told lie, and then
said Il hope to be struck dead if have
not told the truth He had scarcely
ceased speaking when he fell to the floor
"a man having knocked him down
Miss Hart, of Cleveland the young
prima donna, who has recently made y
successful debut at La Scala, Milan, is of
Connecticut parentage. Her father was
from Lyme and her mother from New
London.
Coal is coal now," said a city coal
merchant to a man who was remOnstrat-
ing with him upon its high price
Il am glad of that, replied the other,
'for the last lot you sold me was half of
it stone"
A raw countryman, gazing at a garden
in the vicinity of Boston, in which were
several marble statues, exclaimed: "Just
see what waste, Here's no less than six
scare-crows in this ten-foot patch, and
any one of them would keep the crows
from tive-acre lot,'
Carpenters large painting of President
Lincoln and His Cabinet discussing the
Emancipation Proclamation, is offered to
Congress. The artist wants $25 900 for
the picture, but the committee are unwil-
ling to recommend an appropriation of
more than S15 900 for it
An Irishman asks long Island woman
the price of pair of fowls, and is told
d dollar. "And dollar it is, my darlinte
Why, in my country you might buy them
for sixpence apiece" And why didn't
you stay in that blessed cheap country?"
"Och faith, and there was no sirp5 nee
there, to be sure"
The Belgian journals mentions the death,
at the age of 10 years and L months, Of
Frederic Van de kerkhove. young
painter of almost miraculous precocity
He was Il native of Bruges, and had exc
cuted not less than $50 pictures 1t has
been proposed that there should be pub
lie exhibition of his works
A throng of youth and beauty glide
Amid the festive scene,
The dancers close, and side by side
Upon each other lean.
But one fair Maid, the queen OF all,
Hath on her brow frown,
She feels her pride will have fall,
Her-back hairs coming down.
While T. d. Jones was in Columbus,
modelling his bust of Chase, Young man
VI eAS aPai hiSi OIOOl VI uICultCCluEc 8p-
preached him one night at social gath
ering with the following inquiry: "Er-er
say. er-er-so you're the man-er-that
makes mud heads, amt you? Eyes"
said old Tom, blandly; do you want
new one?"
According to the Natchez Democrat, =
dismissed colored grand juryman thus go
iiloquised Il don't un'stan this bisness.
Looks to me like natural for a man hats
in trouble to git his frien's on de grand
jury if he kin. reckon eff de ole jedge
hisself was in tight place, and had to go
fore de grand jury, he'd be mighty glad
to have his frien's on dar
The other day lady in New Bedford,
seeing red flag displayed from dwell
inghouse, unceremoniously entered, and
sitting down in the parlor, asked of SER
want who was in the room 'when the
anction would begin?" On being infor-
med that the red flag did not mean auction,
but smallpo she rushed from the house
like crazy women, and was soon lost to
view
The latest story of a brave though
child-like form, faithful at the post Of