The weekly clarion. [volume] (Jackson, Miss.) 1863-1882, 1875-03-25
ITEM -.

Common pleas-please shut the door.
The scale of good breeding natural.
AS you cannot avoid your own company
make it as good as possible.
Two things in this world that should
not be trifled ,with-a woman's opinion,
and the business end of a wasp.
a grocer, when complained to about
| selling bad eggs, said cat this season
the hens a'int we'll and very often lay bad
eggs"
y veteran shopkeeper says that altho'
his clerks are very talkative during the
day, they are always ready to shut up at
night.
Josh Billings says: ''There amt any
thing that will completely cure laziness,
though second wife has been known to
hurry it some.
Give your son a good education and
settled purpose in life, and when he is a
man he will not be content to sit back of
grocery stove and crack his finger joints.
a little American lad who had just
commenced reading the newspapers asked
bis father if the word Hon" prefixed to
the name of a member of Congress meant
''honest
SAID a pompous husband, whose wife
had stolen up behind and given him n
kiss Madam, | consider such an act
indecorous." Excuse me, " said the wife
Il didn't know it was you"
Deacon Laude, of Wisconsin, went to
the barn the other day and hung himself
with log chain because his wife play
fully kicked his hat off and exclaimed {:
That's the kind Of Il clothes-pin | am"
1t is simply absurd to talk about a wo-
man being qualified to fill every position
in life that man fills For instance,
what woman could lounge around the
stove in Il country grocery and lie about
the number OF fishes she caught last
summer.
An inebriate stranger precipitated him
self down stairs, and on striking the land
ing reproachfully apostrophized himself
with ''If you'd been a-wantin' to come
down stairs, why in thunder didn't YOU
say so, you wooden headed old fool, an
I'd come with you, an showed you the
way"
A Swiss boatman recently pulled
would-be suicide out of Lake Geneva.
An hour or two after the boatman dis.
covered the same man hanging by the
neck to tree, but did not interfere this
time. The magistrate summoned him to
answer why he did not prevent the sui
eide, and he replied that he supposed
the gentleman had only hung himself up
to dry.
a grocer in a certain town keeps a lit
tie brown jug near his cider barrel, and
when he wants to do the fair thing by
customer, he mingles some of the con-
tents of the aforesaid jug with the cider.
He made mingle the other day for an
old farmer, but got in a good deal of
benzine and very little cider. About
an hour after drinking, the farmer was
observed leaning against a fence, and
was heard 10 soliiequize ats too early
for sunstroke, and too late to freeze to
death, and | guess its touch of the sha-
kin ager.
A funny joke and all the mere paIata-
bic rs its truth can be vouched for, says
a New Jersey paper, occurred at prom
inent church in that State. 1t seems
that worthy deacon had been very in
dustrious in selling a new church book,
cOSuDg foc. AZ the service III question
the minister, just before dismissing the
congregation rose and said ''All We who
have children to baptize viii please to
present them next Sabbath" The deacon,
who by the way was little deaf, having
an eye on selling the books, and suppos-
ing the pastor was referring to them, imme
diately jumped up and shouted: "All
who hayn't can get as many as they want
by calling on me, at 75c EACH"