The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-01-30
VARIETY.


A Philadelphia girl called a young man thief,
and when requested by the mother Of the accused
10 prove the charge, said he had stolen several
kisses from her.
DrvoRcED.-FOrmula Of divorce used by negro
iustice in Desha county, Arkansas 50 As jined
you, so bust you asunder. So go, you niggers
You go."
They talk about the reckless extravaganza of
the American people, and yet Bangor man
worked all day to clean a three cent stamp 30
that he could use it again.
TURNED BAcK-While on her way to leap into
the river, Minneapolis gIrl met a man, who
proposed marriage, and she turned back and was
happy. Almost any day now one can count four
or five Minneapolis girls wandering along the
river banks.
II DmN'r."-Frankie (aged four)-'' Nam
ma, a lady at school kissed me to-day" Mamma
-ss Did she, dear? l hoped you kissed her
back frankie (Indignantly)-'' Kissed her
back No. didn't: 1 kissed her cheek ="
THE LErTLz-The latest Sunday school pro-
digy having listened to n discourse on the neces-
sity Of offering firm front to the evil one, said
he'd - be scared Of the old devil, but if he came
across one Of the little he'd knock the stuff
fng out of him."
They were a Des Moines (Iowa) couple. Hap
pllV they lived together for 80 years. Ii was all
about pail Of milk. She left il at the cellar
stairs lie stepped into it. He was very wet
and white when he got up, but all dripping as
he was he went Immediately to see his lawyer.
To DISTINGUISH THu.-At Salisbury Point,
N H., there are three churches, the minister Of
each rejoicing in the name Of Wright One
lives IN the upper part Of the tOw1. one in the
Iower, ana the tIIrl a tbs mills; 50 the people
have dubbed their spiritual guides as " Up
wright, "a Downright" and "a Millwright."
In this magnificent republic everybody has
views and, even in the saloons, opinions upon
grave topics are expressed forcibly. gentleman
siixhkly under the influence Of the intoxicating
bowl furnished proof Of this fact n night or two
ago. Whisky, zur," said he; 4" hic-brightens
the intellect IL ought. by thunder, to be intro
duced into the public schools, zur :!
UNVEELrya.-A forty-day husband. on whom
the memory Of the honeymoon already seems 70
have hecome poweriess, wants to know why his
wife il like a small pie? Do you give 1t upT
Bscause," says the unfeeiing wretch, |" she Is
now a htkLe tart!
WILL MAKE 1T PLAIS.-When one woman at
tempts to pass another woman going down
church aisle, and rips OF that other woman's
hanging pocket in doing it, even the most cursory
examination Of the latter's countenance will
make IL plain that the Sabbath in her soul has
ned.
ITMaRELLAs-"I have come for my umbrella,
said lender Of it on a rainy day to friend.
Can't help that" said the borrower, " don't
YOU see that am going out with ]? Wen,
yea reulied the lender, astonished at such out
Iaoeous fmpudence, "yes, but-but-what am
10 do2'' - DO!' said the other, as he opened
the umbrella and walked of, Z" do as did-bor-
row one
Io>,aER Nor IGHER.-Napoleon was one day
searching for book in the library at Malmaison,
and at last discovered il on a shelf somewhat
above his reach. Marshal Money, who was
present-one of the tallest men IN the army
stepped forward, saying, " Permit me, sire, am
bigher than your majesty" You are longer,
Marshal said the Emperor, with frown.
man from the States opened a drinking sa-
ten in Victoria VancOuver's Island, and his first
hours experience was lively. Six Indians hled
IN with great gravity. One Of them took posi-
tiou at the right Of the proprietor behind the
bar, with uplifted scalping knii', and another
stood at his left with a musket- a bird poured
siT tumbIers full of whisky, and - tuid was
Silently run down SIX threats. Then e solemn
customers Sled ont, leaving the man prejudiced
a1ninst rush Of Indian patronage
4 country lass was driving donkey to a fair
IN Renfrewshire one fine summer morning The
donkey was a laggard, and was more intent on
-ronninu the roadside herbage than on - going to
49, fsir.'' but the girl did not put herself about
pleasant thoughts OF her sweetheart were pass
i,g Through ber mind, and she sang gaily to her
- An Irish Iabourer overlook her, and as he
raaaed be said, " My uaFAluBS 1Ou &c - ~
tbis morning as II you had been newly kissed;
tn banDv 9IrI at once answered. - 1t ye think,
D., tbat n kiss maks ane lively, wish ye wad
lies nv euddy, for he's unco stih this morning
TT. didn,t look like n liar. lie had, in fact, a
S,so-ys washington sort Of face, and his enuncia-
-, SS,s loudly honest and decidedly nasal. lie
-, lasting his alternate sides in front OF red
-, SaIoon stove, amid party Of bummers who
,r.r. irving % Out-lie each other Ialkln
sLo1t- -IiShtin'," said be, - reckon none o your
I.r,oronf was ever struck, was yOuT NOT Wen
Ia You see / was out shootIn prairie ehlck
ems 10 EeIinoy last August, and there come uI
49, ,wfnIIest thunderstorm i ever see IN th'
.-h,le course o. my life. IL rained cats an dog
- tbe thunder rolled, and the forked hghtnin
5.v.sJ All over the sky like fiery tongues. go
hebind a haystack that sort o learned over 70 I'M
soTtb' an the first thing knowed the lightning
ss-,,cf tb,t. and set IL afre. Then moved to
-aInat-tree that stood near an double-Jnte'
boIt ripped that into splinters- moved TO an
other tree, and the Iightnin' struck IT. linen
h-vUn 10 think IL meant me, an 50 jest walke'
ont. bumped myself up, an took three or tour .
the Ioudest elaps l ever heerd IL shuk me u
-;gbt peart; bat beyond ripPin' the coat one
- bacI- an splittin one o my boots from 10
- ,oe ir didn't do me no particular damage
S,t 10, don't find old Jun huntin' row OF tha
L;nd ain - The discomhtted bummers locke
~nrions7v into each others faces for a moment
md tbe1- one by one, silently arose and sneake
- no