The Manitowoc pilot. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1859-1932, 1875-07-01
VARIETIES.
Singulat-to see a garden walk.

cob, my dear wife," said John Henry,
as be paid the milliner's bill.
Old La6y-"Is this smoking carriage?"
Fellow (inside) -"No, marm: if you want
to smoke you must 60 higher up"
Warm weather helps one to be good.
That Is, you don't care wheather yo,r
neighbor has big woodpile OF small one,
Detroit Free Press.
A fellow who was up in a police court re-
Gently gave his OCCUPATION as that of soon
chologist,' and explained by saying he OPEN
ed clsims at market.
A Covington man died and they PUT him
on ice, but he awoke in the night and
yelled out: Why don't you put some more
wood in that stoyew-Er.
"Dear me, how fuidly he talks" said
Mrs. Partington recently, at a temperance
meeting. 81 am always rejoiced when he
mounts the nostrills, for his eloquence warns
every cartridge in my body.
AL oiu 'ooyt "S"iiH, eoLiS oue ieauips3
about Congressman at large, rushed into
the kitchen door shouting, "Sarah Janel
Sarah Jane! don't you leave the clothes
out all night, mind l tell you for there's
a Congressman at large."-EG.
"What's your busines?" asked the Judge
of prisoner at the bar. "Well, s'pose
might call me locksmth." ''When did
you last work at your trader "Last night,
when l heard call for the police / made
bolt for the door,"
Your feet are very stylish, said man
to his friend, whose feet was covered with
bunions. No, not stylish, but exceedingly
nCbby," was the good natured reply.
A Kansas paper says:-"A mule kicked
an insurance agent in this place on the
che ek the other day. The agents cheek
was uninjured,. but the mules hoof was
broken
"Do you enjoy going to church, nowf"
asked lady of Mrs. Partinton. LA, me,
| do" said Mrs. Partington. Nothing
does me so much good as to get up early
Sunday morning and go to church, and
hear populcus minister dispcnse with the
gospel.
Kansas teacher-"W does all of our
grain product 60 to-" Boy-'1t goes into
the hopper" Hopper! What hopper2"
"Grasshopperr' triumphantly shouted the
lad.
Jones went to q theatre the other evening.
The play was bad, the acting worse On
all sides Jones friends were Kissing both.
You take it comfortably" sail friend to
Jones. | came in on an order, and don't
feel at liberty to express an adverse opin-
ion," was the reply. Presently, however,
Jones rose hurriedly indignation in every
line of his face, "By Jove, | must go out
| Yesterday, woman opened the front door
of a house and called, "John! John! JohnH'
AS the boy paid no attention to the calls,
pedestrian said to him: Here, bub, your
mother is calling YOU "No she isn't,
replied the lad, as he turned the corner;
she's only fathers second wife, and l want
her to understand that she can't run me!''
Detroit Press.
4 man iu North Corolina who was saw
ed from conviction for horse stealing by
the powerful plea Of his lawyer, after his
acquttal by the jury, was asked by the
lawyer: "Honor bright, now Bill, you did
steal that horse, didn't your" "Now lock
a-here, Judge" was the reply, 'I alters
did think st ole that hoss, but since hearr
you speech to that ere jury, l'll be dogonet
if amt got my doubts about it.
Artemus Ward vas one day lying upor
a sofa enjoying a cigar in the little office C
his publisher at New York, when he re
; ceived a telegraphic dipatch from Mr.
Mcclure of tbs San Francico Opera Hous
D asking, "What will you take for 10 night
i in California;" Without a moments re
3 Election or changing his position, he replied
"Brandy and water. A. Ward" He 500
filed a remarkably successful engagement
.r the dispach-a SO joke-being publishe
l. in the San Francisco papers and provin
:. good advertisement.
" A boy got his grandfather's gun an
y, loaded it. but was afraid to fire; he, hov
~ ever, liked the fun of loading, and so pI
o in another charge, but was still afraid
IN fire. He kept on charging, but witho
SIS firing, until he got six charges in the
!. TO piece. His grandmother, learning b
n temerity, smartly reprored him, al
ho gras ping the old continental dischared
81 The result was tremendous, throwing t
r" old lady on her back. She prompt
ID, struggled to regain her feet, but the b
81 cried out-"Lie still granny: hcre are
to more charges togo Of yet.
rd' CARE you an Odd Fellow" "No,
ere I've been married for week" 81 me
hll- hll do you belong to the order of Odd Fellows
you ''No, no; | belong to the order of MARI
,le W men," "Mercy, how dumb! Are 20
ave Mason?'' "No, I'm a carpenter by trad
~, "W orse and worse! Are you a son OF lt
o.s perance?" Bother you! no; I'm SOL
rave Mr.. Jchp Goslings.
n I Providence lady was recently overhe
H. at an evening assembly speaking in b
praise of pretty girl just passing. "V
the she is perfect paregram Of young lad
rted | think you mean parallelogram, do
o of not? suggested the waggish gentlel
tho addressed 81 said parailelogram,
:n -" exclaimed the lady, with C
|, licii bination of dignity and Indignation imp
peg able to describe.
rnro w Two colored men took refguge undc
rag tree in violent thander storm. "Ju
the can you pray?" said one. mo, 81
hlch was the reply: "nebber prayed io my !
rted. "Well, cart you sing q hymn?" just
: her the lightning struct "a tree near by, sh
hich ing it, when the fret speaker ezclair
~ iicr,Ouc ha