The Fairfield herald. [volume] (Winnsboro, S.C.) 1849-1876, 1875-11-03
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;" ''iHs'T' E4I--ntf''ihTRa w!ar,
wHAr HAPPENS roR WANT OF a BEr.LRopE.
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BIZ The first class railway ,carringe on
any European fQad isss fur more com
fortablet than our numbering cars,
including our stuffy Pullman palaces.
But tho ffstolessi carriage here is
ssuggestiye of murder, and other
crimes calling for private and conf
Dental Relations. There being, no
ay'by which'a conductor con pass
from Il carriage, (, to carriage in
safety after = the train, is once
} ,utrnltderi way, the passengers find
themselves "''' locked in, na1ad
seated political discussions, robbery,
murder, andHrape-afe iht order. On
the express trains, running some
times at the rate of mile a minute,
with few stoppages, the noble oppor-
tunities have been seized upon to
'perpetrate some of the most fearful
icrimes known to the criminal calen-
lder.st.sh 3rahno,..,i.,,; .....yr
All this could be romedied III h.
simple manner by running q cord, as,
with us, through the train and within
'feach of'the passengers. But our
portly friend of perfdious Albion
cannot by any manner of means
consent to do anything of simple,
direct sort especially if the vulgar
Amexicans had preceded him in its
Use. - So, after series of ratrocious
murders, u ohm was driven by law
and public opinion to suggesting a
remedy and forthwith inserted an
electric machine that communicated
with each carriage, by means of
ring inolosed in plate glass. To get
at this ring one must break the
glass To break the glass and ring
at the risk Of cutting ones fingers is
such q trihl that several old maids
and timid gentlemen have submitted
to outrages of the most aggravated
sort rather than do so bold thing
as the remedy demands. Colonel
Stackpole, Of Kentucky, simplifed
the matter in n row with some
thimble-ringers, by smashing the
glass with q shot from his revolver.
When he turned to his assailants,
after this, demonstratiop, he found
they had snealed through the win
dow at the risk of breaking their
worthless necks.
The worst part of the business is
that the machine being seldom used,
is seldom in order. Our inestima-
bic fellowcitizen and friend, Mr..
Indigo Jones, of Milwaukee,
puffy, fussy, cupulent old gentleman
had the wife of his bosom taken
with the collie, like the Irishman on
sleep, she turns her attention to it
and gives Jones first class speci.
men. There was but one other
passenger in the carriage, and he
was chased from corner to corner by
the agonized female sufferer, who
doubled Tip and expanded and lashed
out and yelled with such violence
that the poor stranger evidently
thought his life in peril so when
Jones smashed one glass the fright
cd stranger smashed another, and
they continued these demonstrations
until all the signals had been pulled
but not rung. But the train contin-
ued laundering on, and Mrs. Jones
continued screaming. The passen-
gers in the next carriage, believing
murder under way, smashed their
glasses without effect, and then
leaning out at the windows men
women and children screamed and
gesticulated until every glass was
broken in the train, and ut last,
when Mrs. Jones was in her ending
gasp, apparently, the conductor, or
guard, as he is called, brought the
express to a stop, and Ill the pri-
yate TASKS of the train were poured
into Mrs. Jones, and all the smell
ling-bottles and camphor emptied
over her, when she revived.
The most amusing instance,
however, that comes to us is of a
nervous old gentleman of a night
train, who feed the guard to give him
q carriage to himself. This cost
him half n crown, q specimen of
shillings worth. He might have
ooSulou Vi1o Plt1co W AlAhSoll NY pttJ
ing in Il legitimate manner but
this carries one from the shilling to
the pound-from where one gets
good deal fora very little to where
ono pays extravagantly for almost
nothing. Tho old gentleman had
rolled int Q a corner preparatory to
sleep, when q female was thrust in.
OF course, this made the elderly
gentleman very indignant. 1t was a
fraudulent transaction, in which he
lost half u crown. He growled and
snorted at the poor woman, who
shrunk into an opposite corner - !.
n Suddenly it strnck him that this
was n game "set up on him." to use
q phrase peculiar to our free land.
He was seized with a panic. " u 7a'
It took shape in his leaning from
the window and gazing hrlrriedly
about him between intervals, in
which he tried to intimidate this
aged female by, growing, snorting,
and frowning at her. '7''I "'l" -
Tile aged femate, an old maid,l
tooka panic. cA'gavH3 44giaa
NJ She feltthat her hour had come.