The new North-west. [volume] (Deer Lodge, Mont.) 1869-1897, 1875-07-30
WHAT THE WITS SAY.

WHAT THE WITS SAY.
Tho Brooklyn jury were amazed TO sec
how our country had grown since they were
last free men, Boston Glo5e.
Owing to the backwardness of the sea-
son, Iowa people have just commenced
eating mince pies. Detroit Free Press.
The stubborness of this jury may or may
not be bad thing for MIR. Beecher, but il
is going to inspire a feeling of great kind
ness for Brooklyn Aryas.
Mrs. Sheridan yesterday sold the Gener-
al's spurs to tin peddler, remarking to
herself that it was time an end was put to
such nonsense. .-Roehester Democrat.
The man who properly celebrated the
Fourth feels this morning as though he
would like to ram an iceburg down his
throat and let it stick.-Easton Free Press.
Watermelons made their appearance on
our streets yesterday, but they refuse to 60
home with man who don't own carriage
and keep three servants. s.-Easton Free
Press.
A Philadelphia man can be generally rec
ognized from the fact that he makes it a
point to have as many buttons on his coat
as there are letters in Centennial" ".-
Brooklyn Aryus.
Only forty-th1ee officers have graduated
from West Peint during the last six months,
and it is evident that the time is coming
when the private soldiers will be in the ma
jority.-Detroit Free Press.
We should not despise man whose
breath smells of onions. He may be sad
and heayy-hearted, oppressed by grief and
cankered with bitterness, and may not
have noticed what he was eating. -DanJury
Mems
How the iceman of the period can recon-
cile the size of the average five cents worth
of ice with his duty to his church, his fell
low man and his future state, is conun-
drum we give up without struggle.-Eas-
ton Free Press.
Max Adeler, the humorist, has married
young lady whose weight verges closely up
on 200 pounds.
"My DEAR" says he to her, "shall help
yon over the fence?''
"No," says she to him, ''help the fence"
Argus.
Those scientific chaps who went out to
observe the transit of Venus says that the
sun is 9s,OoQ 600 miles away from us. 1t
will be remembered that they made their
calculation in the winter time. If they
were to take new count now, we think
they would find the sun not more than
ninety two miles away.--Norristocn Her
aid.
An exhibition of wicker cofins has been
held in London, the object being to devise
. means for the more rapid destruction of
the body. Whereupon the undertakers
have held meeting and called upon the
trade to form o society against the "spread
Of notiens which threaten to injure our
craft and degrade the remains of our COM
mon humanity"
John Sullivan and friend were fooling
with pistol at Greenville, last evening.
They were discussing the merits of vari-
ous kinds Of firearms, and Mr.. Sullivan's
friend, to emphasize his argument, snap
ped the pistol he held, And then Mr. Sui
ivan suddenly rose up and made profane
remark and took off one .boet, and began
70 empty out small pieces Offices and things.
--NorsoieA Busletia.
Professor Tice, of st. Louis, who seems
disposed to take the weather out of the
hands of "Old Prob, f" and manage it on
system of his own, has set down another of
MS "Venusian perturbations'' to come off
IN the 10th and 18th of this month. 1t is
! popularity of Tice's storms that they
consist Of both cyclones and earthquakes,
eaving man in everlasting doubt whether
his lightning-rod should point up or down.
Detroit Post.
New potatoes are in the market. Not
he potatoes of our boyhood days, you
znew, the size of butternuts, creamy in
iavor, and eaten GA of them) with the
kin on. But the latest inspired potato, as
arge as your fist, and with the skin of
1eteran on its back-losking for all the
world like a white-faced, smalleyed boy
With his fathers coat ON. When scientific
culture struck the potato it made an ass of
tself. -Danbary Nesos.