The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-04-03
CREAM OF OUR EXCHANGES.

A Montana editor claims that the mercury out
there has been rinety.four degrees below zero,
This explains why they never have any grass
hoppers.
The recent earthquake in San Francisco
shook things up lively. Most Of the mechanics
are busy repairing clothes wringcrs that were
thrown out Of Seer.
You wouldn't think II TO look at him, but Gil
deon Welles used to be a boy once and tear his
trousers by sliding down cellar doors in Duxbnry
Detroit Press.
The bright sunshine Of Thursday brought out
the songsters, Il pair Of crows and a hans-organ.
You can tell very nearly how much stock an
agricultural keeps, by standing with h.sn over
a register.
The Dansv!le Opera House is to be disposed
Of by gift enterprise. Mr., Snyder, the propric-
tor, wishes TO retire from business, ana takes
this method Of getting over the hills to She poor
hOuse.-if0De Sent
The Rondout Frcsa.an rudelv howls in our ear
Why are you not married.? Young maE, ask MS
not TO expose the secrets of our heart 10 an un-
feeling world. ThGts a solemn questionable
skill Record.
We must beg the editor Of the 81. Louis -}oar-
nat not to call us Il bald headed scorpion again.
scorpion we may be, but bald-headed never, sir,
ncVer.-KsCh U,Dt. The attempts OF tins insld'
ious fortune hunter to still pass himself on as a
bachelor are simply eXaspcratiRg
Baltimorians, in Gyodng the police, often dart
up MISUNDERSTANDING nslzcra street --C0d-
J1,r.
Jennie June thinks sleigh ride incomplete
without an oyster supper at one end and Il kiss
at the othe-, with hand squeezing all the way
between
4 young lady at Bes Moincs gets up before
breakfast ana takes q walk Of three miles for eY'
ercse, while her mother is splitting the days
allowance Of wood.
Those Delaware women have good memories.
One Of them, who 10 seeking divorce, states
that during the past three years her husbaEI
pinched her $50 times.
4 Fishkl dominic found $50 under his ,,iai,
the other morning and h. gust set her again and
preached himself in the rocking char, awaiting
another bonanza Such rs the confidence Of
the guilcless.-tHtSkW H,ceyLsr
Now comes old Uncle A.watcr, Of Iowa, and
says that he'd rather be adril, on the Atlantic
ocean with ten-Sallon keg Of whskey, then 10
be Lost in e deser; with barrel of water His
name should be Atwhsky, not Atwatcr.
The new religious sect in Olio, called 'Eterna-
lists believe that the soul is immortal but that
when it leaves the body it hoye.s in the air un-
III by some subtle process OF naturalization ii
enters a new body, which may be that Of . dog
or man, according 70 the life Jed 10y its pre-.
yous owner For instance, II man is low and
deprayed in life, his soul viii iLstincthely seek
the society Of dogs and in time inhahit one
10. Is 4 E. II In,
for bis soul will find a home in The body Of AZ
editor.
Albany has her nobiemau, too; It uas Count
barlA 81 course lac was rogue in grain. Bl
any other name he did not smell as wheat, st
when thgy detected his imposition, he acknow
~edged the corn, and left 70 escape a thrcshing.--
Gttrot Tr,J,0o,
According 'D Sheridan, every negro itat has
been Killed iu hc SOHth has lost his life ON ac.
count Of his devotion To the great principles OF
the Republican par,y'--As nearly all OF them
have been strung up for robbery or murder thi
Is rather rough on great Republican principles
EgstOH Past.
During the recent railroad war 10 New York
The following bulletin appeared in front Of the
Baltimore Ohio railroad Office: 'Nn Dcspcrar
um'-Rap,d Transit soiyed'-The Animal, all
Loose.-This Time Certain No Hoax,,-Th,
b. and o. Nhead,i-IIigh-hande Monopolic.
Checked
No pent-np Jersey contracts our powers.
The broad Atlantic oceans Ours.'
Adams, Massachusetts, must DC the oldcs
settlement on the continent. Susan b. Anthonl
says she was born there
II there j. place f5r everything. where j. th,
place for bOils-Es. We would suggest. iI
the pOt-D0sf0E idtr's-r.
'Dolph' wishes 10 knos Hha. a frosted dooi
knob H. The hes, WY 70 end on, is toPui yosI
hand on one.
Tae eoupositof saq SCI ap doTd' for doya