Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1875-02-13

| u subscription.
Freebooters--Men who are ready TO
kick for nothing.
When is literary work like smoker
When il rises in volumes.
"Injuntaring Done Here" is the sign
Of the times in Detroit.
Geese having feathers to shed should
not prepare to shed them now.
Receipt for hot reakfast---Admire
your land-lady's new bonnet.
Young folks grow most when in love.
1t increases their signs wonderfully.
1t isa good thing to be above board,
but very bad thing to be overheard.
Jones says that the reason he isn't
married is that when he wooed she
wouldn't.
What risk do people run who sit in
free pews in church? Ofbeing good for
nothing.
What was never seen-The impress
sion Of kiss made by typo on his
girls lip.
A converted Jocky has been speak
ing of the receipts at church festival
door as gate money.
Il is considered pretty well settled
fact that death has few terrors for
man who marries a woman after thirty
three years of courtship.
A boy was asked what trade he would
prefer to follow. Well said he, 81
guess I'll be trustee, I've noticed, we
always get pudding for dinner.
Col. Edgerton, in the House of Conn.,
mons, says that philanthrophy is SO en-
ergetic that it requires good deal of
influence nowadays to get hanged.
A gentleman at musical party ask
a friend in whisper how he could stir
the fire without interrupting the music.
Between the bars replied bis friend.
A boy having been told that "rop-
tile was an animal that creeps,' on bes
ing asked to name one on examination
day, promptly and triumphantly cried.
"a baby
Toledo papers announce that there is
plenty Of work in that city, but CAREFUL
ly conceal the fact that said work is sit
ting CD a bench in front Of coal stove
and wishing it were spring.
"What you been doing? asked
boy of his playmate whom he saw CON-
ing out of the house with tears in his
eyes. pve been chasin birch rod
around my father was the snarling re-
ply.
A man whose wife hung herself in his
presence, on being asked why he did
not prevent the tragedy, replied-"I
cut her down three times last week, and
can't be always cutting her down.
When a well-known Omaha thief
meets policeman and hands him five
dollars, it is the duty of the officer to go
and sit down in an alley and see moth
ing for the next hour-nothing but the
five dollars.
A University student broke through
the ice the other day where the water
was only four feet deep. When he was
hauled out and laid upon the ice, he
family whispered: "Boys, | didn't care
for myself, but Pm engaged.
Tne Georgia negro has no more faith
in banks. He lays ont his money ia
store clothes and hair oil, and the news
of bank suspension causes him to ex-
claim: Bust away wild ye, but you
can't hurt desc lavendar pants"
A young lady came to the city the
other day. to have her picture taken.
When the artist showed her the proof,
and asked her how she liked it, she
pleasantly remarked that he put too
much mouth on it to suit her.
A Georgia paper knows man who
went all the way from Cassyille to Al
tana. On bis return he looked solemn
with the weight of garnered wisdom and
said IF the world is big t'other way
as it is that it's a whopper."
There is a girl at Perth, Amboy, N
j., who can hold twenty-six clothes pins
in her mouth, hang clothes line with
her feet, and repeat the Lords prayer
backward all at the same time. Her
name is Holycum, and she washes shirts
for sixty cents dozen.
A rustic youngster being asked out to
take tea with friend, was admonished
to praise the eatables. Presently the
butter was passed to him, when he re-
marked. Every nice butter-what
there is of it." and observing a smile he
added, "and plenty of it. such as it is.
An old lady hearing that young
friend had lost his place on account of
misdemeanor, exclaimed: "Miss De-
mesnor ? Lost his place on account of a
Miss Demeanor Well, well, I'm afraid
its too true that there's woman at the