The Canton mail. [volume] (Canton, Miss.) 18??-1882, 1875-06-19
ELOCUTION IN THE DARK.
How Artemus Ward Played IL on tn
Professor.


Professor.
Griswold, the "Fat Contributor" in
some recollections of Artemus Ward,
tells the following story:
In the spring of 1859 I accepted a
profftred editorial position en- the Cleve-
land National Democrat, and renewed
nv acquaintance with Artemus Ward.
On ths first evening of my arrival he
volunteered to show me around-a very
desirable achievement, as I was to fill
tie position of city editor.
He "showed me round" SO success
fully that about o'clock in the morn
ing I began to feel almost as much at
home in Cleveland as if had lived
there all my days. to say nothing of my
nights. Artemus invited me to share
his bed with him for the remainder of
the night. and I accepted.
Adjoining his room lodged young
professor of elocutien who was endeav-
oring to establish school in Cleveland.
He was just starting out in business,
and was naturally enxious to propitiate
the press. -.
"Let's get the professor up" said
Artemus, "and have him crate for
us"
I demonstrated with him, reminded
him of the lateness of the hour, that I
was not acquainted with the professor,
and all that, but to no purpose.
"He is a public man." said Ward,
and public men like to meet repre-
sentatives of the press, as restaurants
are supposed to get up warm meals at
all hours"
He gave a laundering rap at the door
as he shouted, "Professor-r-i"
"Who's there? What zee want ?"
cried mufled voice, evidently beneath
the bed-clothes, for it was bitter cold
night in February.
"It is I, Brown, of the Plsindealer,"
said Artemus, aud nudging me- gently in
the ribs. he whispered, "That'l fetch
him. The power of the press is invinci-
BILE. 1t is the Archimedean lever
which"
His remarks were Interrupted by the
opening of the door, and could just
discover the dim outline of shifted
form shivering in the doorway.
Excuse me for disturbing you, pro-
fessor," said Artemus, in his blandest
manner, /" but am anxious to intro
duce you to my friend here, the new
local of the Democrat. He has heard
much of you, and declares positively he
can't go to bed until he hears you elo-
cute"
clears me what ?" answered the pro-
lessor, between his chattering teeth.
"Hears your elocute = recite - de-
claim. Understand Specimen of
your elocution u
In vain did the professor plead the
lateness of the hour, and his FL g had
gone out. Artemus would accept no
excuse.
Permit me, at least" urged the
professor, i" to put on some clothes and
to light the gas.
"Not at all necessary. Eloquence,
my dear boy, is not at all dependent on
gas. Here (stnigbtening up chair he
had just tumbled over.) get right up on
this chair and give us The boy stood
on the burning Deck" adding in side
whisper in my ear, "the burning deck
will warm him up"
Gently. yet firmly, did Artemus boost
the reluctant professor upon the chair,
protesting that no apologies were neces-
sary for his appearance, and assuring
although the shivering disciple of De-
mosthenes and Cicero probably thought
clothes would make a man more COM
Portable on such night as that.
He gave us Casabianca" with
good many quavers of the voice. as he
stood shaking in single, short. white
garment then followed, Son Linden
when the sun was low" "Sword of
Bunker HILL" ETC., ''by particular re-
quest of FRIEND" as Artemus Ward
said, although l was too nearly suffo-
Gated with suppressed laughter to make
even last dying request, had it been
necessary. It was too ludicrous to de-
pict-the professor, an indistinct white
object standing on the chair 6. elocut-
ing" as Ward had it, and we sitting on
the floor holding ourselves, while A. W.
would family whisper between his pangs
of mirth, "just hear him."
1t wasn't in Wards heart to have his
fun at the expense of another without
rscompense; SO next day I remember
he published lengthy and entirely
serious account of our visit to the pro-
fessor's room, spoke of his wonderful
powers as an elocutionist, and expressed
the satisfaction and delight with which
we listened to his unequaled recita-
tions."
The professor was overjoyed, and
probably is ignorant to this day that
Artemus was "playing it on him."