Los Angeles daily herald., 1875-02-28
JOE CATERS LIFE INSURANCE.

| day School tickets for Strawberries
and eggs, which he converted into the
currency of the Republic. As he grew
UP and his old schoolmates purchased
cravats and hair-oil at Squire Tackey's
store, it was the industrious Joseph
who stood behind the counter and took
| the money. When the same boys
stood on the street-corners and cast
sheep's-eyes at the girls, the business
| like Joseph stood in the store door and
contemplated these same boys with
eyes such as hungry cat casts upon a
brood of young birds whom he ex-
poets to eat when he grows older. Joe
never wasted any time at parties; he
| never wore fine clothing; he never
drank nor smoked; in short, Joe was
SO industrious that by the time he
reached his majority he had thous-
| and dollars in the bank and not soli
| tary virtue in his heart.
For Joe's money good Squire Tackey
had an earnest longing, and soon had
| it to his own account, while the sign
over the store door read " Tackey &
Cater" Then the Squire wanted Joe's
soul too, and so earnest was he that
Joe found it necessary to demonstrate
with his partner.
WTwon't do, SQUIRE said he; IRE
ligion's all very well in its place; but
when a man loses the sale of dozen
eggs profit seven cents, because his
partner is talking religion with him
so hard that a customer gets tired of
waiting and goes somewhere else, then
religions out of place.
"The human souls of more conse-
kence than many eggs, Joseph" ar
gued the Squire.
"That's just it, replied Joe; "money
don't hit the value of the soul anyway
| and theirs no use tryin' to mix 'em;
and while we're talkin', don't you
| think we might be mixing some of
| the settings of the molasses barrel
| with the brown sugar? Twill make it
weigh better.n
The Squire sighed, but he could not
| help admitting that Joseph was as
| good partner as man could want.
In one of Joe's leisure moments it
struck him that if he were to die, no.
body would lose cent by the opera
| ton. The idea was too eXasperating;
and soon the local agents of noted in
surance companies ceased to enjoy
| tic of business men in the country.
Within a fortnight two of the agents
were arraigned before their respective
churches for profane brawling, while
| Joe had squeezed certain agents into
dividing commissions to the lowest
unit of divisibility, and had several
policies in the safe at the store.
The Squire, his partner, was
ageat for the Patagonian Mutual,
and endured his full share of the gen.
ersl agony Joe had caused. But when
he had handed Joe policy and receipt
| and taken the money and counted it
| twice, and seen to it carefully that all
| the bills were good, the Squire took
his revenge.
"Joseph,n said he, "you amt done
with insurance yet; you need to in
| sure your soul against risk in the next
world, and there's only one agent that
| does it.n
The junior partner stretched himself
on the counter and groaned. He knew
| the Squire was right. He had heard
that same story from every minister
| he had ever heard. Joe was so agi-
tated that he charged at twelve and a
half cents some calico he had sold at
fifteen.
Only one agent! But the shrewd
Joseph rejoiced to think that those
| who represented the Great Agent diff
fered greatly in the conditions of the
| insurance, and that some made more
favorable terms than others, and that
| if he could get the ministers thor
oughly interested in him, he would
have good opportunity for compar-
I ing rates. The good men all wanted
| Joe, for he was a rising young man,
and could, if the spirit moved him,
make handsome subscriptions to good
purposes.
So, in their zeal, they soon regarded
each other with Jealous eyes and re-
duced their respective creeds to gossa-
mer thinness. They agreed about
grace being free, andJoe accepted that
much promptly, as he did anything
that could be had without price. But
Joe was practical man, and though
he found fault with none of the doc
trines talked to him, he yet hesitated
to attach himself to any particular
congregation. ae finally ascertained
that the Rev. Barzillai DriftwoodPs S
church had no debt and that it's con-
| tributions to missions and other relig-
| ious purposes were very small; so Joe
| allowed himself to be gathered into
| the fine assortment of crooked sticks
which the Rev. Barzillai Driftwood
was reserving unto the day of burn
ing.
Great was the rejoicing of the con-
gregation at Joe's saving act, and sim
cere was the sorrow of the other
churches, who knew their own creeds
were less shaky. But in the saloon
and on the street, Joe's religious act
was discussed exclusively on it's mer-
| its, and the results were such as only
special spiritual labor would remove.
For no special change was noticeable
in Joe. On Sunday he abjured the
world, but on Monday he made things
uncomfortable for the widow Macnity,
whose husband had died in the debt of
Tackey d Cater. A customer bought
some gingham on Joe's assurance that
the colors were fast, but the first wash
day failed to confirm Joe's statement.
| The proprietor of the stage line be-
tween Bungfield and Cleopas valley
traded horses with Joe, and was after
ward heard mentioning his new prop
erty in language far more scriptural
than proper.
Still, Joe was church member, and
that was patent of respecJability.
And as he gained years and building
lots and horses, and commenced dis
counting notes, his respectability grew
and waxed great in the minds of the
practical people of Bungfield. Even
good women, real mothers in Israel,
could not help thinking, as they sor-
| rowed over the sand In the bottom of
their coffee cups and grew wrathful at
"runney" flour bought for ga Super
fine" of Tackey q Cater, that Joe