Martinsburg independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1875-1900, 1875-08-28
THAT can't be-, reioined the bar

NS~f~A. ~ . JaSt AANS hhohSS.
Whiskey's wealth and cocktails
currency. If you can expand your
currency without any increase OF
your wealth and do no harm why
can't you initiate this cocktail up
| to hogshoad full and let all them
bummers out in the street have a
good square nip ?
You don't understand, replied
Mr.. Kelley. Its different in
financial matters. There, there is
the relief afforded by my 1866 in
terconvert-p
Il know it, l know it, i iskly
answered the barkeeper II tell
you, Mr.. Kelley, your heads level.
Now, here is my inconvertible
cocktail Thus saying, he poured
half of the contents Of The wei: s.
beer glass into auotre weiss-beer
glass; then continued: Now this
tumbler is the bonds, and this
tumbler is the greenbacks. When
you want a long drink you pour
into this tumbler as much out OF
the other one as you want; If you
want short drink you pour some
out OF this tumbler into the other
one It's big thing.' MIR. KEEL
ley was in despair. The bar
keeper continued:
You see l want to return to a
whiskey basis, but wish to do SO
without injury to the business in
terests of the country. Now. If
you will wait till the water evap-
GRATED and leaves the whis-
key"
Here Mr.. Kelley smote the
counter with his cane, Look
here he shouted, in spite of your
expanding the volume of that
drink, and humbugging me with
your idiotic inconvertible cock
tails, and talking about returning
toa whiskey basis without derang-
ing my interests, don't you see,
you bowling ass, that that's the
same weak, thin, diluted, maw-
kish, tasteless, abominable slush,
all the time. want an Immediate
return to whiskey resumption and
no steps backward
'Keerect, Judge replied the
barkeeper, as he threw the inflated
cocktail into the sink, well re-
pudiate this, as they always do
And he mixed another cocktail on
whiskey basis. But he said,
q spose you hadn't had another Is
cents, or that all the whiskey in
the house had been In that cock
tail, where'd you have been, eh?'
Mr.. Kelley smiled, and invited
the barkeeper to join him. The
latter complied and took little
gin, syrup and bitters. Mr.. KEEL
ley drank off his cocktail, paid for
the drinks, and taking a Glove was
about to depart, when an after
thought seemed to occur to him.
He turned back and said:
See, here, Johnny, you're a very
smart young fellow, and I've en-
joyed your conversation greatly
But, then, you see the-oh the
financialal problem is a thing that
people can't exactly understand in
all its ramifications without spe-
cial education, training, you
know. OF course, it affects all peo-
Pile, butall people can't understand
it;it isn't to their interest that they
should If everybody knew all
about it there'd be no Kelleys and
Logans and Inter- Oceans and En-
qltirers 1t is like cocktails. you
know. Every man drinks them,
but every man can't mix them. If
they could there be no barkeepers.
Understand And, Johnny, per-
haps you'd better not say anything
about this little conversation of
ours to anybody. You e,perhaps
it would hurt the business of the
house, and the proprietors don't
like politics discussed. Good bye
'So-long, remarked the barkeep-
er, and as the Judges form van
ished up the stairway, he closed one
eye respectfully. and took threejig
steps with an expression of the
deepes. reverence.