Ottumwa weekly courier. (Ottumwa, Wapello County, Iowa) 1872-1899, 1875-11-10
rcr1sa.' Remedies,

Some time ago my ncimhb9f Perkins
made up his mind totrN 10 get on of
poverty by invcntiig Il patent mcdi-
cine. AiteP some reflection lie con-
cludcd that the Two most frequent and
most unpopular forms OF iniirlai,y
were badness OF head and torpidiiy
of the liver, and he selected the COM
pounds recommended by tie plial-
macopnia as the remedies which he
would sell 10 the public, One lac
called ',Perkinsa Hair Nieor." and the
other PERKINS Liver Regulator.
Procuring u large number of fancy
bottles and @audy labels. lie bottled
the mcdieines and advertised them
extensively, with certificates Of inn
aginaryy cures. which were written
ont for him By one Of The editors OF
The -1,yas whose liver Was active and
whose hair was abundant.
II is not atall unlikely That Perkins
would have achieved success with his
enterprise but for one very ilnfortun-
ate circumstance. lie was totally un-
familiar. with the preparations, ex-
rcpting in so far a. the pharnacopoi;l
instructed him: and. as ill-lucls would
have II. in putting them mp he got The
liver regulator on the hair-Fi@or bot
Ties and The labels of the latter on the
bottles containing the former. OF
course the results were appalling ;
and rs Mr.. Perkins had requested the
afflicted To Inform him Of the benefits
derived from applying the remedies
he had not sold more than few hum
Al In. l,.,I.. L. l.
from The purchasers. s.s
One day asIlc was coming olIi Of
his Office he observed Il man Sitting on
the lirc-plug with a shotgun IN his
hand and thunder upon his brow.
The man was bare-headcd. and his
scalp was covered with a shiny SUB
stance Of some kind. When he saw
Perkins he clilptied one load OF bird
shot into tile inventors legs, and he
was about To give him the contents of
the other barrel when Perkins hob
blcd into The Office aud shut the door
The man pursued him and tried TO
break in the door with lie butt OF
The gun. He failed, and Perkins ask
ed him what he meant by silrl, MUIR
derous conduct.
"lou come out here. and Eli show
YOU what mean. loiI scolindrel,''
said The man. .'loH step ont here for
Il minute and LII blow the head of of
you for selling me hair yigor that's
gilmmcd my head mp so chat j cant
wcara hat and can't sleep without
sticking to the pillow -csise. Turned
my scalp all green and pink. too. You
put yotr head out that dool. and III
give YOU more vigor Than You want.
you idiot. expect thai stuiE'll soak
in and kill me.
Then The man took his seat again
on the tirc-plug, and after rcloading
the barrel Of his gun put on Il fresh
cap and waited Mr. Perkins re-
nilimcd inside and sent boy oui the
back way for The mail. The first let
Ter he opened WAS from u woman.
who wrote:
my husband took onetdasc of Your
liver regulator and immediately went
into spasils. lie has had fits every
hour for four days. AZ soon as he
dies ] nn coming on 10 Kill The iicnd
who poisoned him"
a clergyman IN SMYRNA wrote 10
ask what we're The ingredients of the
liver regulator. lie feared something
was wrong, because his aunt had taken
The medicine only twice when She be-
gan TO roll over ON tie floor and howl
in the most alarming .nanlier,an she
Ind been in Il eolnatost condition for
fifteen hours.
a man named .Iuluison dropped a
line 10 say that aitcrappls ing ilie hair
yigor 10 his scalp he lad leaned his
head against The back Of Il chair. and
il had NOW been in that position two
days. lie feared that lleWould never
be released unless he cutup4 The chair
and wore the piece permanently on
his,head. lie WAS coming up 10 see
Mr.. Perkins in reference TO illc mat
ter when he got loose, and lie WAS go-
ing 10 bring his dog with him.
A Mr.. Wilson said that his boy dad
put some of the yigor on his face in
order to induce the growth ora mus
taclic, and lllat al The present moment
that boy upper lip was glued fast 10
tbetip of The boys nose. andhis coiln-
tcnancc looked as il /! had been coat
ed with green yarllisl. Mrs. Martin
wrote from Dover that she had shay
ed her poodle too close, and had at
tempted TO cure him by applying the.
vigpr. Therenpon the dog had gone