South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-11-05
WIT AND IIUo1OR.

/
CFAn eccentric old fellow, who liv-
ed alongside of graveyard. was asked
If It was not an unpleasant location
"No," said he, Il never jined places
W. set of neighbors that minded their
own business so stiday as they de-
- A Nashua man sang, "Don't be
angry with me darling" while he lar.
rurped his wife with a stirrup strap.-l
But she got the bulge on him, and stood |
on his stomach, while she strewcd his |
hyperion curls about the kitchen floor. |
and warbled, while she twined her li,y |
fingers in his auburn locks, HDarling,
you are growing bald"
VA young man who can wear a |
pair OF lavender pants i'm this town is |
gazed upon with rs much admiration as |
Is the three legged child in the side show
OF a circus.
INNOCENCE AND OBsrINAcY.-The O.
Their evening Detroit Joker slipped n
little pink love letter into the pocket OF
n staid old citizen as they were riding
OH the street car. OF course the old cit
izen's wife made a dive for his overcoat
pockets as she passed through the hall,
and when she digested the love letter
she was determined to commit suicide.
While going up stairs after her bonnet
she got mad and changed her mind
Walking into the room where he sat be-
fore cheerful fire, she exclaimed =
cloves you better than her own life, eh!"
WELL UP IN GEoGRAPHY.-While n
newsboy was hanging around one OF the
depots the other day. gentleman enga-
ged him in conversation and inquired
DO you GO to school, bub?"
Eyes, sir, and Pm in geography" was
the answer.
"Ah, ha! Where does the sun rise?"
ain the east"
Correct. Where does it set9"
''In the west"
That's right. What is the earths
surface composed OFF,
Land and water" SIR"
Right again. Is the world round
or flatp"
LESS see,' unused the boy. sitting
down on bench. well, l know dad
and nam had fight about that very
thing, but / forget which licked ~
How TO COLLECT a DEBT.-A Sara
toga boy who had done crrands during
the summer for New York man who
departed without paying the seventy-fve
cents due for the last weeks service.
collected his bill, after two Intellectual
attempts, by sending n letter beginning
in this way: IL didn't think that big.
old chap like you would beat little or
phan like me out of six shilling's, and
how do you suppose I'm to be hoopcd
up for winter duds when You fellows
don't ante up Continuing in this style
for over n page and half of foolscap,
the youth concluded by saying that "If
you don't come to time I'll just call on
you in a day or two-I will-when /
come TO the city; and that's the kind of
q hairpin l am, boss" The next mail
brought his seventy-ive cents.
~ The young lady who was recon-
mended to take exercise to improve her
health, says that she twill jump at an
offer Mt her own risk
EV"Sambo dis am magnificent day
ioi VIC itSc. w EStlllDO.
"Why, de colored race, you stupid
Nigga
tW There never was but one woman
who didn't believe that her husband
would take 4 second wife if she died, and
that woman got killed on the cars.
LEA Western editor, thinking to
stock his depleted Harder, advertised,
Poultry taken in exchange for adyertis-
ing" The villianous composition, see
ing his opportunity 90 pay mp long
standing grudge, set it up, Poetry ia
ken In exchange for advertising :" and
since that time the Office boy has been
clearing fifty cents day from the vast
paper man.
tV a lady, who had on her upper lip
something approaching a mustache, late
~ called on an officer and lis wife, whose
merry little boy happened to be present
nj the time. In the course Of converse
ton the little fellow inquired what he
must do to get hair on his Lip. "Whv,
rub it against papa's." was the reply
ooh, mamma he said, sis that the way
Hiss - has got her's?'
IS The Philadelphia Times is respon.
sible for the appearance of this lowed
to ortum :"
| would not die in Ortum,
With peaches fit for eatin'.
When the wayy korn is gettin' wripe
And the candidates are treatin'.
t.V"Cold streaks playing tag down
my back is the way little Ypsilanti
(llichigan) girl describes the approach
Of an ague chill.
tV Poetry suited TO election times IN
all we'll regulated republics: