Yorkville enquirer. [volume] (Yorkville, S.C.) 1855-2006, 1875-06-10
Antmorons department.
AN IRREVERENT CLUCKER.

They have had more trouble at our Meth
odist Westinghouse. Last Sunday Rev. Mr..
Moody was just beginning his sermon, and
had uttered the words, "Brethen, I wish to
direct your attention this morning to the fourth
verse of the twentieth chapter ofSaint --"
when hen emerged from the recess beneath
the pulpit. As she had just laid an egg, she
interrupted Mr.. Moody to announce the fact
to the congregation; and he stopped short as
she walked out into the aisle screeching ::
Observation-Disclosures! Kuk-kuk-kuk.kuk.
te-ho! Mr.. Moody contemplated her a mo-
ment, and concluded to 60 on but the sound of
his voice seemed to provoke her to rivalry, so
she put on pressure of FIVE or six pounds to
the square inch, and made such a racket that
the preacher stopped again and said:
"Will Deacon Grimes please remove that
disgraceful chicken from the meeting house ?'
The deacon rose and proceeded with the
task. He first tried to drive her toward the
door, but she lodged him, and, still clucking
vigorously, got under the seat in the front
pew. Then the deacon seized his umbrella
and scooped her out into the aisle again, af:
ter which he tried to "shoo" her towards the
door; but she darted into the pew, hoped
over the partition, came down into the oppo-
site pew, and in the side asile, making noise
like steam planning mill. The deacon
didn't like to climb after her, so he went
around, and just as he got into the aisle, the
hen flew into the middle aisle again. Then
the boys in the gallery lauged, and the deacon
began to grow red in the face.
At last Mr.. Binns came out of his pew to
help, and as both he and the deacon made
dash at the chicken in opposite directions she
flew up with wild cluck to the gallery, and
perched on the edge, while she gave excited
expression to her views by emitting about
FIVE hundred clucks minute. The deacon
flung hymn.book at her to scare her down
again, but he missed her and hit Billy Jones,
Sunday school scholar, in the eye. Then
another boy in the gallery made dash at
her, and reached so far over that he tumbled
and fell on Mrs. Miskey's spring bonnet,
whereupon she said out loud that he was
predestined to the gallows. The crash scared
the hen, and she flew over and roasted
on the stove-pipe that ran just under the
ceiling, fairly bowling with fright. In order
to bring her down, the deacon and Mr.. Binns
both beat on the lower part of the pipe with
their umbrellas, and at the fifth or sixth
knock, the pipe separated and about forty feet
oft came down with crash, emptying bar
rel or two of SCOT on the congregation. There
were women in that congregation who went
home looking as if they had been working in
coal mine, and wishing they could stab
Deacon Grimes without being hung for MUIR
der. The hen came down with the stove pipe,
and as she flew by Mr. Binns he made dash
at her with his umbrella and knocked her
clear through a fifteen dollar pane of glass,
whereupon she landed in the street, and
hoped of cucking very insanely. Then Mr..
Moody adjourned the congregation. They
are going to expel the owner of that hen
from the church, when they discover his
identity.