Staunton vindicator. [volume] (Staunton, Va.) 1860-1896, 1875-05-07
HUMOR.

MISSOURI CLERGYMAN. ACCUSED
An old lady came up to the office We'd
nesday. She was worn and tired from
climbing the winding stairs, and she sank
almost breathless into the waste basket.
putting the poems and stories it contained
to the only press they will ever know.
There was troubled anxious look on her
face, pair of green spectacles on her nose.
and general air of sorrow and exhaustion
about her that appealed at once to our ten
derest feelings. The feelings answered the
appeal and stepped respectfully forward.
After the aged female had recovered her
breath, she asked:
SIS there loryer's office in this build
imp"
We answered in the affirmative, but were
sorry to say that the legal gentleman was
out of town. 5l5
ssOut of town, ell ?.Well s'pose Ill have
to find some other loryer. KEN in town
purpose to have this thing fixed up, an [
amt a going back ontil I know whether
there is any law and ekity in this count
ry''
We ventured to remind the dame that
having was loosing business in the end,
and should be resorted to only in the most
aggravated cases.
aggregated cases!'' she screamed, and
the manuscript in the basket ratified VOL
ently.-"Yo Dung man, it is the most aggre-
gated case you eyer heard of. You ken
never know the anguish of mothers heart
when her only dorter goes astray an folders
after the false idols.''
"Your daughter has had trouble, then"
ssNo, it's me what's hayin' the trouble;
but she's causing it-she an that tarnal
sheep-faced preacher"
.sAhl minister in the case! I think I
understand Such things are becoming
too common; alas! too frequent. The
cloth is being brought into disrepute by'
such scoundrels, who steal the livery of
heaven to serve the devil in. Poor grill"
ssPore nothin'! She's a brazen huzzy to
90 back on her mothers teachin' Lord
knows [ We allus tried to raise her right
but you must consider, my good wo-
man, that your daughter had peculiar
temptations Y GU must make allowance
for the fact that the tempter came to her
in holy garb, imposing upon her conf
dence in the assumed character of a spir-
itual adviser, silencing. the voice of her
conscience with cunningly chosen scrip
tural quotations. You must not be severe
on her, s
"Well Hammer was 'bedient girl till he
KEN foolin' around. He KEN to the house
purity often, but / didn't s'pose nothin'
was wrong till week ago, when Hamer
tole me. Then L guy him a mighty big
piece of my mind"
Sc He denied it, of course?''
ssNo, ne didn't. He said he had done his
dooty as Christian. An his congrega-
ten are all tickled over il, an that's what
makes me bile.''
why, that is an aggravated case. That
he should be guilty of such "a thing is bad
enough !; that he should call it the per-
Torrance of duty is worse, and that his
congregation should uphold him in such
vile practices is beyond belief''
"Well, it's SO, an want to get loryer
to issoo conjunction or Indictment, or
somethin' to stop it,
Il fear there is no legal redress, unless |
it is matter of very recent occurrence. |
A bill has passed the Legislature govern |
ing such cases, but it won't work back
ward. y
"What is in that bill?" asked the old |
lady, her face lighting up with a new hope.
" 1t makes it obligatory upon the man
to either marry the woman or support the
Chi
ssWhatt' shrieked the woman, spring.
ing up with snddenness that sent the |
basket of ulaacknoWledged genius half
way across the room. You barrel head-
ed idiot! My girl amt no such fool as
that You editors think you're ssighty
smart, an you're allus s'posin' things WIS
ser7n they are. I've been a lifelong
Methodist, and I've tried to raise my DOR
Ter in the same faith, but that 'tarnaI
,PiscopaIyun preacher has got her to gree
10 line his church. Pm her material gar
.jeen, am amt agoin' TO low her to do it.
Eff she can't get along with the same re-
ligion her mothers got, she shan't have
any. That's tie whole case, ana there
amt no margin, nur s'posin', nur Beech
erin, in it,
From the way the old lady bumped along
down stairs we fear she was unduiy agita-
ted.
We shall never jump to another conclu-
sic,,-no, mot If it should lie within an inch
of our nose, and pointed proofs were pres
sing against us OH each side and behind.
A subscriber to a South w estern news
raper died recently, leaving four years
unpaid. The editor appeared
at rhe crave and deposited in the coffin a
palm leaf fam, linen coat and ther-
mometer. j