The Dallas weekly herald. [volume] (Dallas, Tex.) 1873-1885, 1875-01-09


objects to Miss Howards name being
put in type; is always oppressed
with the responsibility OF trunks
He is understood to be an appendagc
F., OF Miss Montmorcnci. He brings
her to the theater in the evening
and takes her away at midnight
He arranges her little dinners to
which the press people are invited
and then he calls her "my dear" and
she addresses him as "Charles," and
there is most satisfactory air OF
connubial intimacy pervading the
scene. The most curious thing
about this is that tho husbands OF
the Montmorencis always disappear
suddenly. If the Montmorencis
disappeared also there would be
nothing strange about it, for then
we might easily understand that the
actress had retired with her ward
robe and husband to private life.
But she never retires. do not see
how the conclusion can be avoided
she sheds her husbands. Where
the elegant appendage goes to no
body ever knows. He simply dis
appears. He leaves u flavor of
hearty contempt behind him in the
drinking saloons, and among the
burly, double. listed fellows who
furnished him coaches and blacked
his boots. They have ridiculous
theory, characteristic of simple
minded men, that he hired his cos
tune to play the role of husband,
and was paid a salary to stay in
front Of the house.
There is another stage husband
who has been married by the star
in moment of despair. She has
just discovered that her agent has
swindIed her out of half of her
profits, and that the manager is not
working her with the press. Two
courses are open to her. She can
engage another agent, or marry one.
1t is always a woman's weakness
to believe that sentiment insures
honesty. Men, on the contrary al
ways know that it imperils it. She
raves for a whole morning, tears
several dried bouquets to pieces,
kicks her French poodle in the ribs,
abuses her drcssmaker, and then
throws herself into the arms of
Fi:z Foogle McFlam..
Dearest, will you love me and
take care Of my business p
"By heavens" exclaims Fitz
Foogle, II will protect you and your
income with every drop of blood in
my body" = ~.
"Will you DO true to me ever, and
think Of me when the house is
counted 2'-i,t ~ "".tg
"WillI2 Twill think of you from
tho moment the doors are open till
the books are made up" ..t
"Ah, but, darling, will you make
others think of me ? Can | depend
upon you to look after the papers
and ouse-bills-men are so tickle :?
Will you cling to me always and
SEQ that l am properly billed?
"Hcar me, .exclaims Fitz Foogle,
~ swear by all the gods that | have
but one ambition, one desire, one
burning passion, and it is to be
loved by you, and to have charge of
your business y arutt '.t
Enough, says Melpomene. "lou
are mine in the eye of heaven till
the end Of the season, provided you
attend to your duties"
Registered silently in the box
office or offered up in the wings,
who will dare to say that this vow
is not recorded on high. Only the
ignoble soul believes that 1t ascends
no further than the "paint bridge"
The bridegroom thus inundated
on the altar o: Tnespis sets to work
Immediately to prove his affection.
He raises Melpomene's price from
500 to $500. Now that she has n
stage husband she is entitled to two
ben efits. Now that she is in pos
session of a partner, her name be-
gins to be Photographed. He al
least knows something of the world,
and he works it accordingly. Mel
pomenc could not go to the clubs.
She could not catch the volatile re-
porters on the. skip. She could not
applaud herself while she was act
ing. She could not. bully the man
ager nor ask for more than fifty
free admissions night And she
sleeps soundly. Love, that con
quers all things, is overcoming the
ticket.taker and the ushers.
, So Coralia, waking up some morn
ing and seizing tho newspaper, dis
covers that Melpomene has been in
terviewed.. 1Ho, ho J" says Coralia,
'she must have been married yes
terday" sa1-l1g pb bi"oe T'ife1a
OF conrse it never enters Melpo.
mene's head that ether husbands
have II quaint, not to say queer,
way of treating hers They con-
verse with him about his wife as if
they were walking on eggs. They
call her Mrs. Fitz Foogle and Miss
Melpomene irrespectivcly. They
never know how much he is married
or for how long; they put up with
his praise Of the actress because
that is busnoss, and they put up
with him because he is sure to dis.
appear sooner or later.
To be sure there are husbands Of
actresses who are not stage hus.
bands. Everybody must be famil-
lar with the little, crushed, respect
able old man, who is married by the
great tragedienne, and who comes
and buys seat in tho back part of
the house, and holds . play-bill up
TO his face for fear that some of his
friends in the threzd-and-needle
business will mistake him for a