The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-07-31

About Ice Cream.
He slipped into a cream saloon very soity,
and when the girl asked him what he want
ed, he said;
Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles and
mince pie"
"This is not a restaurant, this is an ice
cream parlor," replied the girl
Then why did you ask me what wanted
for? Why didn't you bring on your ice
cream -
She went after il, and as she returned he
continued:
"You see my dear girl, you must infer
Won must reason. 1t isn't likely that would
come into an ice cream saloon TO buy grind
stone, is it? You didn't think l came in here
TO ask if you had any baled hay, did you?'
She looked at him in great surprise, and
he went on:
III | owned hardware store and you
came IN, | would infer that you wanted some
thing in my line. | wouldn't step out and
ask YOU If YOU wanted to buy a mule, would
2"
She went away highly indignant. An old
lady was dcvouring a dish OF cream at the
next table, and the stranger, after watching
her for a moment, said:
'NIy good woman, have You found any hair
or buttons in your dsh?"
u,
hecled around and dropped her spoon.
"Well, I am glad of it!' he continued, IF
YOU find any Just let me know"
She looked at him for halt minute, pick
ed up her spoon, laid 1t down again, and then
rose up and left the room. she must have
said something to the proprietor, Tor he came
running in and said;
"Did you tell that woman that there was
hairs and buttons in my ice cream"
mo, sir"
you didn't?'
mo, sir, | did not | merely requested
her, in case she found such ingredients, to IN
form me-"
"Well, sir, that was 4 mean trick
"NIy dear, sir" said the stanger, smiling
softly, "did you expect me to ask the woman
if she hal found n crow-bar or sledge-ham
mar in her ice cream? II is impossible, sir
for such articles 10 be hidden away in such
small dishes"
The proprietor went away, growing, and
as the stranger quietly supped away at his
cream two yOun- ladies came in, sat down
near him and ordered cream and cakes. lie
waited until they had eaten little, and then
he remarked:
BEG pardon, ladies, but do you observe
anything peculiar in the taste Of this cream?'
They tasted, smacked their lips, and were
not certain
"Does it taste to you as if plug OF tobac-
co had fallen into the freezer" he asked.
"Ah kali" they exclaimed, trying to SPIT
out what they had eaten. Both rushed ont
and it wasn't lone before the proprietor rush-
ed in.
"Sec here, what IN blazes are You talking
abOut?" he demanded. "What Go. you mean
by plug tobacco in the treezer|
/ ind 1 ,,,.l " :. ed tlp ladies IfV
this cream tasted OF plug tobacco, | don't
taste any such taste, and don't believe you
used bit of tobacco in 1T
"Wel, don't you talk that way around
hereW continued the proprietor. My. ice
cream is pure, and the man who says it isn't
tells Il bold lic.'
lie went away again, and a woman with a
long neck and sad face sat down and said
to the cir, that She would take dish of lem
on ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken about
two m0uthiuls when the stranger inquired;
Excuse me, madam, but do you know
how this ice cream was made-havc you an
idea that they grated lurnip and chalk with
the creGm?'
she didn't reply. She slowly rose up,
wheeled around and made for the door.
The stranger followed after, ana by great
good luck his coattails cleared the door an
instant too soon to be struck by a five-pound
box of figs, hurled with great force by the
indignant proprietor. AS he reached theI
curblstone he halted, looked at the door off
the parlor and soliloqulzed
There are times when people should lnier
and there are times when they shouldn't /
suppose if | had asked that woman if she
thought they hashed saw.mill IN the cream
shed have felt a circular saw going down
her throat.-frcG Press,