River Falls journal. [volume] (River Falls, Pierce County, Wis.) 1872-2019, 1875-08-27
CURRENT PARAGRAPHS.

A woman dressed in mems clothes Wis
tied variety show in Washington and
was arrested. The policeman who made
the arrest is a married man with several
daughters, and the moment he saw that
woman draw her foot up under her and
sit on it, he penetrated her disguise.
A Presbyterian minister while marry
ing couple of his rustic Pensioners, felt
exceedingly disconnected, on his asking
the bridegroom if he were willing to take
the woman for his welded wife, by
scratching his head and saying SAY,
I'm wullin' but I'd rather haze her sis.
ter"
A venerable sage, advising young
man upon courtship and matrimony, said
There is more happiness in one year Of
married life than in forty years of hang.
ing around the wrong woman" Quite
true, but who, nowadays, hangs around
the wrong woman, or even the right one,
for forty years
1t is seldom easy to see the hidden ben.
eiaction in that which is an apparent af-
Fiction. A boy who was "confoundng"
the mosquito was told by his pastor that
doubtless the insects are made with a
good end in view," when the young scamp
replied, 81 can't see whether it is in view
or not. At any rate don't like the end
feel.'
At small church in England recently.
upon the reverend ''gentleman" announc-
ing his text, a respectfully attired female
entered the church, causing the hearers to
look round to see who the latest arrival
was, when the reverend ''gentleman" said I:
Nov. my friends, just look at me let
me. have your attention, for these who
come in late are not worth looking at"
A rustic couple from Berkshire county,
Mass. called upon a hartford clergy man
on Thursday las and were married, and
after the cermony the bridegroom inquir-
ed the charge. The clergyman jokmgly
answered that "a cent pound would be
about right" whereupon mental calau.
lation was made by the groom, who hand
ed out So, with the satisfied comment
"Cheap enough"
A little girl was telling neighbor, a
lady, that "her mother was going to have
some broma" and asked il she would like
some. Thinking to bother her, the lady
said, mo | guess not, as my teeth are
not very good" The little girl looked
at her moment in silence, as though
hardly able TO see the point of the argu.
ment, and then said "Ain't you got a
swallerett, either q
"Did you ever SEQ that picture, grand.
ma = asked young lady as they took a
view of the family portrait gallery. "See
t Why, it's a portrait OF myself when
was seventeen " II thought you had
forgotten it, or you wouldn't always be
ecturIng us girls about modesty in
dress" Grandma looked over her spec
tacles and declared the girls nowadays
were very impertinent to their elders.
$50 you have been out driving all the
afternoon, Mr.. Willis :" "Yes, and we
had delightful time" "Any ladies in
the partyl" "0h, Miss c., do you
think we could be so sinful MS to take
ladies out on Sunday. Oh, my, no ;
only gentlemen were in the party.
Stopped at Conkling's on the lake for a
nice little game supper, then we opened
two or three bottles Of wine at Myers
and Moon on the way back. No ladies',
oh, no. Only a quiet, religious panic
When a Cass avenue husband went
home the other night and handed his
wife gold locket she reached her arms
around him and exclaimed: "0h you
dear old pippin there was never another
man like you'll" Next day he went home
and found her getting ready to go to an
excursion, and he put his foot down and
told her to remain az home. She threw
her bonnet on the floor, kicked over a
chair, and remarked: "Mother always
said I'd marry the meanest man in Mich
igan.
A Titusville man got his mustache
shaved. That's not strange. When
he went home his wife did not recognize
him, and took him for sewing machine
agent. At first he was disposed to keep
up the delusion, but after satisfying him
self that she did not know him, he spoke
then she came nearer, scanned the
features, and said "You tarnal fool.
what have you been doing to yourself
If | had shotgun I'd bow you so full
of holes that your victuals would not do
you any good.
When Rev G. X. Imbrie, Of the First
Presbyterian church, Jersey City, was
closing his sermon last Sunday, he called
ON his hearers to avail themselves Of the
present, their day Of grace. AT the most
affecting part Of the exhortation, young
man, under the influence Of liquor, start.
ed up and began taking off his coat, say.
ing, "You mean me, know you do, you
are looking right at me. Come down
here, il you think you're any better'n
am" An officer soon lodged him in the
Gregory street station-house.
A correspondent Of The Indiana Far.
nler says: Last fall knew a man who
had two lots Of hogs bought, that he had
to feed fourteen days before they went off.
The first lot weighed two hundred and
fifty pounds; the second, three hondred
and six. the first lot ate dirt considera.
bly, the second did not. The result was,
fhe first LOT oaiued nothing ,ybi.o tho