South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-09-03

please gimme q stick OF licorice, your !
clerk goes with my sister,"
~Kingston girls are opposed to in
PRODUCING the letter-carrier system III |
that city. 1.-The ideaw says one OF
them, "ofhaying letters left at the house |
Then we can't go to the post Office, and |
won't have any excuse for going down |
town"
IVA young lady in the country, in.
censed at an egotistical young man from |
the city, said: "If the butcher down in |
the village could buy you at the price |
your acluaintances hold you at, and sell |
you ut your own estimate Of yourself, |
he could retire from business on what |
he'd make on that single speculation
in veal.''
VLittle Alice was crying bitterly,
and on being questioned confessed to
having received n slap from one Of her
playfellows. "You should have return
ed it," unwisely said the questione-.-
sob, returned it before" said the lit
tie girl.
IVA Presbyterian minister, while
marrying a couple of his rustic parish
toner's, felt exceedingly disconnected on
his asking the bridegroom if he was will.
ing to take the woman for his welded
wife, by his scratching his head and say
ing, "Ay, Pm wullin'; but I'd rather
had her sister"
WELL ANswERED.-The late Bishop
-, it is said, was strongly opposed to
the principles of total abstinence, and
had his sideboard loaded with brandy,
wine, etc. On one occasion a minister.
decided temperance man, Gined with
tue Bishop, who, pouring out glass of
the wine, desired him to drink with him.
Cant do it, Bishop wine is n mock
err"
"Take a glass of brandy, then?'
Cant do it. Bishop strong drink
is raging"
BY this time the Bishop, becoming
somewhat excited, remarked to the
guest, you pass the decanter to the
gentleman next you
"No, Bishop, i can't do that. Woe
unto him that giveth his neighbor drink,
that putteth the bottle to him."
~
lage recently made the following COM
ment on Pocahontas. Said he {: "Poca-
hontas was great man Pocahontas
was noble, kind-hearted man. Hold
on" cried his companion; Pocahostas
was a woman" 'She was, eh?'' said
he. swell, that's my luck. How am /
expected to know. / never read the
Bible
MASTER AND SLAvE.-On the Vicks-
burg and Meridian Railroad the other
day Louisiana planter encountered
colored man whose face had familiar
look. The negro had his attention at
tracted likewise, and it was soon ascer-
tanned that he was once owned by the
planter.
Yes, you once owned me-" he re-
marked:-aI0 / was no better dan n
boss. Now l holds an office, and is rs
good as anybody"
do you want to do me favor,
George?" inquired the ex-mastcr.
81 'spects SO, sah.'
"Well. in case you ever tell any one
that you hold an office, don't let on that
L ever owned you, for with this one ex-
ception, all my niggers turned out to be
respectable people! ~
The ex-slave didn't do any more
Boosting.
EVThere was something pathetic in
the position of the German florist, who.
in the bitterness of his heart, exclaimed,
II have so much drouble nit de ladies
ven dey come to buy mine roses; dey
wants him nice colours, dey wants him
eberything in one rose. / hopes L am
not vot you call Won ungallant man, but
| hat sometimes to say to dat ladie |:
MADAME, | never often see ladies dat
vas beautiful, dat vas rich, dat vas good
temper, dat vas clever, dat vas perfec-
ton, in one ladies, | see her not mooch.'"
IVIt occurred in Oshkosh. Will Won
do it ~ she said, twisting one end of the
strap around her hand and fetching him
''stinger" across the shoulders with
the other. He squirmed and looked
frantically at the keyhole of the door as
if he could crawl through it, owl YOU
do it?" she said. aiming two or three at
the calves Of his legs, while he skipped
around like great northwestern grass.
hopper with the jim, jams. "Will YOU
do it?" she repeated, concentrating her
energies for terrific swoop, and dealing
him q binder over the eyebrows that
made the cold perspiration start out of
every pore in his body. II will - he
roared in agony and they were married.
a Mule SToRY.-A boy in st. Louis
was recently presented with iacknife.
with which, boy like, he cut and marked
everything that came in his way. from
the dining-room table TO the cats tail.
A few days after he had become the
happy possessor Of the knife, his father
was startled by seeing two men bring.
ing home the young hopeful i'm n very
dilapidated condition. His face seemed