Smyrna times., 1875-12-29
WHOLE NO. 1,O79.

a Cincinnati lady, gratifed at finding q
good thickness of cream on some milk that
had stood over night, and showed il to the
i'iiINlllah the next morning with the hardly
complimentary remark II never exnectad
10 see this The milIlman, taking the OK.
clamatlon as reproach, scratched his
head' looked perplexed and ashamed. and
at last said: Well, don't know what oiIs
1t, but you can throw it out, and I'll eivo
you fresh pint instead"
y little fellow, who was at a ncigbbor:s
mouse about noon the other day. watched
the preparations for dinner with great
interest, but, when asked to stay and eat
something he promptly refused. "Wbv
yes Johnnie, you had better stay" said the
lady why can't you?' "Well, 'causen
sad the little fellow, "ma said I mustn,t
unless you. ask me three times" Tbev
invited him twice more right off.
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y showcase containing fancy cards, ETC..
specimens of the work done inside.,,
stands in front of a Trenton, n. j., printing
mouse, and a placard is attached to the
same, which reads in large letters. Hands
on" A few nights since some witty news.
boy gave quite new import to the card bv
making it read " Hands off-on a drunk =,
An Englshman was recently boasting to
a Bostonian that they had book in the
British Museum which was once owned bv
Cicero. Oh, that amt nothin," replicd
the Bostonian; " in the Museum in orr CITY
we have the lead pencil that Noah used to
check Gil the animals as they went into the
ark"
lie had very promising boil between
The shoulder blades. and his wife, who was
young and beautiful and could play on the
harP' but hadn't nursed much in the
hospitals, put q mustard plaster on it. A
lawyer subsequently explained to him that
'heF oldn grant divorces for such causes.
The other day. when Detroit grocer
spelled sugar "s-h-u-g-e-r," a friend noin+ed
out the word and remarked, THAT word
isn't spelled quite right" "Ha! 7 see.n
laughed the grocer; "one would think
had no education = And he crossed it ont
and wrote " s-hu-g-o-r.'
The shortest way the best-NTamma ITO
Ethel, on their way to the latters first
parity" Now, mind, darling, if YOU see
any nice things on the table that you'd like
to eat, you mustn't ask for them" Ethel
20, no. mamma I'LL take them
Pa,ch.
Madame, said trance-medium. "your
husbands spirit wishes to communicate
with you" " No NATTER" said the widow.
" II he's got no more spirit in the other
world than he had in this, it's not worth
bothering about"
10 clean gold; Powdersome whiting and
make 1t into moist paste with some salvo.
latlle. Cover over the gold with a soft
brush let it dry, and then brush it off
with moderately hard brush. But first
get the gold.
y lady applying for admission to the
junior class of an Eastern seminary. being
questioned by the President as to her DUAL.
replied; "I amt much of an
arlthmetickcr, but am an excellent gram.
marist"
\ voter on the train to Weymouth, Tues.
lay, when asked by the conductor for his
ticket, said: " have (hic) made d.r.e.a.f
-u-l mistake; voted my (hic) railroad
ickct stead Of the (hic) democratic ticket,
1t is said that the Baptist minister who
s carrying on the pen-fght against the
catholics at Trenton, y. j., is so bitterly
opposed TO the Roman faith, that in manu-.
crpt he will not cross his letter rs.
Co
Have you any nice fresh farmers eggs?"
uquired a. precise old lady at a grocery
tore. "NO, ma'am," replied the practical
Jerk, " but we have some very good hens
ggs." She took three to try.
-<eN
Ma" observed Blodds' little child re-
Iectively The other night as the first stars
anne out, "dOn't you think that when
hose stars twinkle that way they must
ickle the angels feet?'
Say nothing about yourself, either good,
ad or indifferent; nothing good, for that
vanity; nothing bad, for that is affecta.