The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-11-17

S.-O>~'S~ .
guests; and our word for It, they will
be doubly henored and welcomed when
they do come. 3-,...4 " .., =.
HUMOROUS.
A little girl in public school was told
to put the word "year'' in q sentence.
"Last year my sister was married, and
this year she has baby
Shoe dealer: Il fear We have no mum.
Der elevens, miss, but here is large pair
of nines.' Customer: Shines! D'you
take me for Cindereller - .y.l d>@>
EFF country fairs is goin to do agri-
cultur' amy good" says Long Branch
farmer, keep out the wimmen. Them
pull.backs get mans eyes so sot that
he can't see nothin' else" Tan
''There is no sunset in heaven says
noted divine. eve go further than
that" says an exchange, 'sthere's no get
ting up ofnights to draw the baby's legs
back under the cover
Child-"Does the Lord take the pa.
pers @ Mother-''No, my child; why
do you ask!'' Child "Oh, I thoug ht he
didn't it takes our ministers so long to
tell him about things !"-New Haven
Register.
''Aren't you q little off collar was
what Jones remarked to his wife one
night, when she appeared arrayed for
party in an extremely low-necked dress.
She convinced HIM she wasn't 'soff
choler,' anyhow.
A young canada farmer has invented a
machine which is said to work satisfactor-
~ in model, for reaping grain. 1t cuts
the stalks, gathers them in bundle,
twists a band of straw binds the sheaf,
cuts the ends Of the band and throws the
sheaf aside.
A Jamaica man who has managed to
get rid OF two nervous wives, advertises
for another helpmeet, and announces the
quality Of female he requires: ''Wanted
"A woman with sense enough to stand
still and not howl when grasshopper is
crawling up her legs
''Why," said Highland clergyman to
one of his flock, ''do you always sleep in
your pew when am in the pulpit, while
you are all attention to every stranger I
invite?' because, sir, when you preach
| am sure it is all right but can't trust
stranger without keeping good look
OUT
Yet Hung, Chinaman, recently died
in this city, and his death notice was &C.
companied by these lines:
Thlow way him la'ge flat-ilon,
Mash him tub an bleak him pan,
Him got tough with washee bus 'ness;
Alice same dead Chinaman.
Gonee fin out How. Ion gside Joss.
San Francisco Post.
"Maister,'' said an old Scotch servant,
''whether is't guide manners, when a gen.
tlcman gies we glass O. whuskey. to tax
a drap or drink aft the hail ont ?" The
master having, in homely Scotch phrase,
judiciously replied to this poser that the
courtesy consisted. in i'm bibing the whole,
the man exclaimed, with sigh Of relief
'Then, GUIDE be thankit, was manner
ly!'
A colored man, employed as a deck
hand on propeller, was rushing around
town election day and inquiring where
the polls were. ''Polls polls :" repeated
the citizen. ''Why, there's no election
going on now" ''There hain't?'' "No,
SIR The man stood for moment look
ing greatly disappointed, and turned for
the river with the remark: ''And now de
programme is to find dat sleek young
man who said dey was paying six dollars
apiece for yoters!'
Anxious mamma Ito her brother.in-
law, who is also the family doctor): Spy
the way, Alexander, I'm so glad you've
come; [ wanted to talk to you about
baby; can't understand why he does mt
speak yet; surely he ought to by this
time.' Alexander: "Weel, ye see, Ann,
yejust talk the vera highest of Inglish,
an my brithee John, again; he just talks
the vera braidest o. Scotch; and the puir
BARN ye see, it has ma just made up his
mind which side Of the house it'll just
tax till.'
There is story told Of Joaquin Mil
Ter, the poet, that when he was at Bar
NUNS Hotel, Broadway and Twentieth
street, few weeks ago, he wrote to a
friend in New Jersey and ended the let
ter: ''Come and see me whenever you
can, am at Barnnm'g The friend,
who does not appear to have been
| familiar with the names of our city
hotels, answered: 81 am sorry you have
commenced to exhibit yourself. If you
had stuck to literature you would have
made your mark and fortune. Where
| abouts is the show now?''
Archduke Macmillan of Bavaria went
recently to Vienna to visit his daughter
the Empress of Austria. He always
travels quietly, and was mistaken for a
business man by talkative Austrian
tradesman who occupied the same com
partment in the train, and who, after
telling all about his own affairs, asked the