The Carbon advocate. [volume] (Lehighton, Pa.) 1872-1924, 1875-02-06
Humorous.

knew almost absolutely nothing OF the
profession that he adopted, but he got
something OF a reputation, and was once
summoned to attend Sir Robert Peel,
who was suffering from temporary
deafness. He went provided with two
watches, one that licked very weakly
and another that made as much noise
as clock. Peel began to question him
as to his mode of treatment, but Curtis,
giving him 6 dig with syringe, told
him that if he didn't hold his tongue
some injury would befal! him. The
.Quack at first applied the weak-ticking
watch to Sir Roberts ear, and of course
hc couldn't hear anything, but after
working for some tune he used the
other one, and Peel could hear perfectly
well! 1t was marvellous cure!
"A celebrated naval officer relates
the following anecdote: On one of his
cruises the sailors saw comet, and
were somewhat surprised and alarmed
at its appearance. The hands met and
appointed committee to wait upon the
commander and ask his opinion of it.
They approached him and said, "We
want to ask your opinion, your honor"
"Well my boys, what is it about?"
eve want to inquire about that thing
up there" "Now, before answer you,
let me know what you think of it?"
'Well, your honor, we have talked il
all over, and we think it is star
sprung a-leak.
"A justice of the peace living in an
other county was recently called upon
by couple from Barton, VT, who de-
sired to be married.. but, two weeks af-
ter performing the ceremony, he re-
membered that the marriage was illeg.
al. as being made out of the county
where the couple belonged, SO he mar,
ried them again, Some time after he
recollected that he had not been quail
fled for Office in their county, and tax
ing the oath he again performed the
ceremony.
I'm arriving at Calais, France, ON
her way to make the grand tour, an
English lady was surprised and some,
what indignant at being termed, for
lhe frst time in her life, "a foreigner.
lou mistake, madame" said she to
ihe liOeller, with some pique, "it is you
VINO are the foreigners. We are Eng
lish."
THE steeple of st. Xaxier,s Catho.
iicchurch in Cincinnati will stand, when
Complete, 32O feet from the ground and
Will cost Sj0,000." But it is not sta
TED what it will stand on, when so far
IRON The ground.
The Argus says that the first
thought on a cold morning is "God
help the poor" To Judge from an.
pearances, the second thought is de.
termination not TO meddle with the in
tention of Providence.
No man can read about all these
burglaries without a determination TO
have his wife sleep on the front side of
the bed.
Josh Billings says that in the beds
OF many hotels "yu sleep sum, but role
over good deal"
If you want to know whether vour
grandmother was cross.eyed, or where
your great uncle stood in his alithme.
tic class, just run for office, and you'll
know it all.
"A city lawyer was making a high.
hown speech the other day, telling
about angels tears, weeping will
lows and tombstones, when his Hon
or said; "Confine your remarks to the
dog fight"
"A down town man awoke his wife
The other night, and, in q startled tone
OF voice, informed her that he had
swallowed dose of strychnine. "Well
you fool" said she, "lie still or it NAV
cpme up"
old Parson L. of Germanto wp. was
queer sort of man. One time, when
his congregation had most of them, fairly
disposed themselves for their evening
nap he startled them, as well as their
Ideas OF propriety, by asking in his
loudest tone, "What's the price of put.
ter"" AT another time, some strangers
coming to church with him, the con-
gregation paid more attention to them
than they did to him. Losing all patience
he stopped in his sermon and sa id:
"Those folks in my pew are my cous-
ms from H.. so you needn't stare at
them any more"
-Rev. DIR. Guthrie says, "If YOU
want to keep dead man put him in
Whisky if you want to kill living man
nut The whisky into hir,