Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-12-17
Gleanings.

Gleanings.
J How to learn "the ropes"-Get taut.
A new name for tight boots-a corn
crib
Bellies" call great many people to
church, e.
Procrastination is the "ragged edge Of
despair"
To do business man must have dollars
and sense.
A bad habit to get into-a coat that is
not paid for.
Noses are fashionable, and have al
ways been followed.
What's in namcs D. Seaver drives
St. Louis milk wagon.
What two letters of the alphabet indi-
cate very cold weather? l ICY.
Why is the job-stone like a greenhorn?
Because it's often imposed upon.
When is horse not worth q shilling?
When it is worth less (worthless).
Public spirit-Readiness to do anything
which is likely to prove lucrative.
Why is the type Of an unfinished job
like old cheese? Because it is live matter.
! A fac simile of the high C's in music
is reached by treading gently on a cats
tail.
| Did you ever know of a country town
that hadn't the best brass band in the
States
1t is the man with tight boots who
talks most violently of the eternal fitness
of things.
| A Leeds paper says that young widow
in that city is training herself for an edit.
or. Who is this editor?
Vermont conundrum: If all things are
for the best, where do the rations for the
second best come from.
| What is mind? No matter What is
matter? Never mind. But what is
mind: Oh, its immaterial
| A modern essayist defines gossip to be
the putting of two and two together and
making five out of them
Why are ideas received while fox hunt
ing like hand-b bills =? Because they are i'm
pressions taken in the chase.
1t is now reported that Guibord will de-
cline to participate any longer in religious
disturbances on account of his health.
Why does an omnibus conductor always
/ try a silver four-penny piece with his
teeth? To prove that it's a four-penny
! bit.
A popular writer, speaking of the ocean
telegraph, wonders whether the news
transmitted through the salt water will be
fresh.
Is there country editor in the world
who can speak favorably Of new paper
and not wish it success, or say, Here's
our Ea-?"
A New Jersey female institute contains
thirty-four red-headed girls, and the prin.
cipal dispenses with gas and all other
artificial light
1t is said that there arc more lies told in
the sentence II am glad to see you,"
than in any other six words in the En-
glish language.
A woman is composed of two hundred
and forty-three bones, one hundred and
sixty-ninc muscles, and three hundred
and sixty nine pins.
A retired schoolmaster excuses his pas
sion for angling by saying that, from con-
slant habit he never feels quite himself
unless he's handling the rod.
Gathering autumn leaves was formerly
q fashionable amusement, but since the
irruption of the pinch-back dress the gath
sring has been confined to boys.
A Baltimore servant girl the other
morning tried the good old time-honorsd
plan of lighting the fire with kerosene.
Nothing has benzine of her since.
"What is that dog barking at asked
fop, whose boots were more polished than
his ideas. why" said a bystandcr, che
sees another puppy in your boots"
Will some benevolently inclined friend
donate US newspaper published this fall
which does not allude to the fact that
"the melancholy days have Gomez
"The prisoner at the bar seems to have
a very smooth face" said spectator to
the jailor. "Yes," responded the jailor,
"he was ironed just before he was brought
in."
8. C. Knott and A. W. Shot fought
duel. They result was that they changed
conditions. Knott was shot and Shot
was not 1t WAS better to be Shott than
Knett.
Avoid going to law: for quarrcling
l,,<l cl. - hoff to
suffer little loss than run TO courts: for
the play is not worth the candle.-Poor
Richard.
There is one pleasant thing about house
cleaning A man can straddle himself
out in the parlor for day or two and
spit on the floor without spelling Brus.
sells carpet.
Although the writer of II want to be
AN angel" is an old maid and school
teacher, in Newark, New Jersey, she still
expects to become an angel. And she
will be one eff there is any desert in true
merit"
An auctioneer, at late sale of antiqui-
ties, put up hamlet with the following
candid observations: "This, ladies and
gentlemen, is hamlet of Romulus, the
Roman founder; but whether he was q
brass or iron founder, cannot tell.
The habit of Boston dog was to put
his forepaws on people, and tables, and
other things, and sniff until he was SAT.
isfed with his investigation. AT last he
tried it on loaded gun that stood in q
corner, and now he has no nose with
which to sniff
When it shall please God to bring thee
to mans estate, use great providence and
circumspection in choosing thy wife,
For from them spring all thy future good
or evil; and it is an action of life, like
unto stratagem of war. wherein man
can err but once-Sir Philip Sydney.
Mount Holyoke Seminary is principally
devoted to the furnishing of wives for
foreign missionaries. 1t has already fur
nished 115 of these wives, and the cry is
still they come. Foreign missionaries
will please step forward Who comes
next under the Holyoke?
The story is told of New Bedford
clergyman, now dead, who was asked by
an Irishman to marry him. why, Pat,
said the clergyman. "what have YOU come