The Anderson intelligencer. [volume] (Anderson Court House, S.C.) 1860-1914, 1875-06-03
All Sorts Of Paragraphs.

All oOIlS vi IaIaSIiplSs
- One of the hardest trials of life is to shed
tears at the news that your wife's uncle has
died and left her $50 ,000
- 1t is an extraordinary fact that when peo-
pie come to what is commonly called high
words they generally use low language
- Hillsboro, n. c., enjoys the remarkable
distinction of not having single person
named Smith in its entire population
- Music is the only sensual qualification
which mankind may indulge in to excess with
out injury to their moral or religious feelings.
An exchange says: "New York is not en-
tirely prepared to contend with large conAa-
grafton" Sodom labored under the same diff
fculty.
- He who betrays another's secret because
he has quarreled with him was never worthy of
the name of friend breach of kindness
vii! not justify breach of trust
- Upon the death of her husband the lady
married his brother, and when friend saw the
portrait of the first husband in the house he
said "is this member of your family ?" at
is my poor er-in-law," she said.
- Some tine-honored proverbial sayings
need revision to suit the age. For instance,
"Boys will be boys' is entirely wrong, for
everybody knows that they endeavor to appear
like men as much and as soon as possible.
- The good married man can protect all the
unprotected females, and make himself gener-
ally agreeable to the ladies, and yet never leave
doubt on any mind that there is precious
little woman at home worth all the world to
him.
- The clerk of country club, who was
schoolmaster being called on to give toast,
produced the following: addition to the
friends of old England, substraction to her
..1: - 1or Iir,c-
ions among her foes, and reduction of her
debts and taxes"
AN obliging gentleman, who thinks that
personal. favors do not cost much, while they
make friends, was applied to by colored man
for certificate of character by which he
might get a situation. The testimonial proved
to be more complimentary than Scipis himself
had expected and that worthy, on recovering
from his astonishment, exclaimed: Say, Mr
-, wont you glib me someding to do yerseli
on dat recommendation ?"
= An old Highlander, rather fond of his
toddy, was ordered by his physician, during a
temporary illness, not to exceed one ounce Of
spirits daily. The old gentleman was dubious
about the amount, and asked his son, a school
boy, how much an ounce was. sixteen
drachms," was the reply Sixteen dramas An
excellent doctor !" replied the Highlander.
"Run and tell Donald McTavsh and big John
to come down the NIGHT"
- There is an old story Of prominent citi
zen of St. Louis who in a car, kept lis seat on
the entrance of two ladies, who were obliged
to stand The conductor stepped up briskly
and said, "Make way for these ladies, sir" mo,
sir" growled the citizen, zone of those ladies
washes my shirts, and the other cooks my din
ners. I am used to seeing them wait on me
and my family at home, and don't propose to
give up my seat to them here"
- Mr.. Wilson, while waiting at the railway
station for train in Little Rock, Ark, the
other day, was startled by the following
conundrum: "Boss. is Mr.. Grant gwine to run
for President next time?" "Well, can't tell
you, my friend" was the reply; che has not
yet informed his friends and the country what
his intentions are" "Wel, Boss" returned
the incorrigible darkey," if he don't run, will
you?" The Vice-President hadn't time to
answer, for the train summoned him away.
A school teacher in Mississippi used his
facility in short hand To make a verbatim re-
port of a negro clergyman's prayer, and he
sends it to the Educational Monthly as follows:
&c Lord God of dis glorious universe, wilt dou
look down in de omnipresence of dy eye upon
desc dy colard children bowed upon de knuck-
e-bone dis night. Take a solemn peep upon
US and let heap O. light in. Dou knowest
what desc dy poor darkies need. On every side
dou knowst, 0 Lord, is de evidence of de dis
location and destruction of the human family.
Dcrc be fighting among one another and natu-
raj disease But we die to live again either as
saints or evil spirits. Dere be discussions on
doctrines, eecsbion, Differentiation, perfec-
ton, and sick like confuse de intelects of both
black men and white. But, good Lord, dou
knowest dat desc are vane illusions, splittin'
and dvidin' dy creatures into sexes without
mercy. Whoever will, can go to glory. Many
dere will be with slick countenances, white COL
ards and:fne Clothes who will find de gates
shut against them, while de blind old woman,
hobbing on crutches, she 60 straight in.
Amen"