, 1875-03-07
HUNIOIk-

New Bedford has b1t 00e "na1e1 lo4~A seuool-
master.
The sentinel who did not sleep on his watch
had left it at the pawnbrokers-
II is the high price Of slate pencils that ia
driving the saloon-keepera to the poor-houaa-
. Mark Twain SAVE tho Sandwich Islanders are
generally a. unlettered Us the other SIDE OF
tombstone.
Avoid annoyance; be cautious and kindly 1t
is not safe to trAmple upon 30 humble thing a.
q bit Of orange peel
~ always thought should never rear that
child" said an old lady OF 90, on hearing OF tho
death OF her son. aged 10.
The lady who advertised lecture on the sub
iect Of Moods" was disguised At not having
the !" first person present"
The Town-Talkist Of the Boston Trareaer says
that, notwithstanding the Geld weather, tho pArs-
ley ia sonp-herb this Jear.
What is the difference between tube and .
foolish Dutcbman One ia hollow cylinder,
and the other is silly Hollander.
A humorous apothecary in Boston exposes q
case OF SOAP in his show-windoH with the peril
nent inscription "Cheaper than dirt"
When 8 Florida Indian is likely to die, his
friends place him where Al alligator can take
him in, and thus save burial expenses.
"Your son died rather suddenly, yesterday. Of
throat disease" is what an Idaho Sheriff wrote
fond mother in Indiana the other day.
"There! there's that very mitten I lost this
morning!" exclaimed Richmond man as he
quit spooning out the pudding to hold up tho lost
| article.
little girl when asked by hor mother abont
suspicious little bits in tho sides OF dozen
| choice apples. answered "Perh2ps, mamma,
they hare been frosr-bitten, it was 80 cold las1
| hight" 1} ~ ~ '
An evening paper speaks Of some houses the
| roofs OF which are " shing!ed With State Ih1s
/ ;1 a1u noo+ md %ha HfharnfA1 hh4rr3D$1nn
| Of roof copper-bottomed on the top with
| sheet-tiu."
Young America is quite forward. - TIL put
| head on you," said little gamin to companion
"Tou try it," Was the quick reply, "ane your
mothers monkey will be cherub in less th7n
| ten seconds"
"How does yonr brothe- get On in New YorIa
| Parker 2" "Very well, indeed, ma'am, thank
| you. He's only thero threo months, and he's
already beginning to speak tha language beautl-
full !"-Puuch.
The ghost OF Noah Webster came to s spiritual
medium in Alabama, not long since. and Trote
On slip OF paper: "ltis tise times" Noah was
| right, but We are sorry to see he has gone back
| On his dictionary.
SHOW, there's finished gentleman for you"
said a fireman ~ he gazcd upon the pieces OF tht
| engineer that had been scraped up and gatheret
| to his fathers after the last attempt to run
train on nothing.-S. Joseph Herald.
batting societies 20 wrestle with during tha re-
maindet Of cold weather: =" Resolved, That th&
man who has no coat to his stomach iH poorer
than he who has no coat 60 his back"
Here's philanthropy: An association to elc.
| yate the grade OF butter manufactured in thi&
country" Hope this elevation OF grade will NOT
| eusble the butter OF the future to out1ank TIA
butter Of the period in too great degree.
"Then you won't lend me that dime novel,
eh?" inquired one boy Of another in the Poat
Office, Saturday. mo, I won't" ''All right
! theu; next time our chimney burns Out. you
shan't come into the yard and whoop and holler!"
SIT WAS horse, now" mused big boy, as
he struggled up Griswold street yesterday, I'D
: | be stabbed rubbed down and be fed but I'm b
] boy and I've got to home, clean OF SNOW, brin:::
l | in wood, toto water, and rock the dnmned Old
. baby for an hour or two."-Detron Free Press.
: A boy years old, having been much lectured
BY his father on the boyishness OF crying when
any calamity happened, cheered tho parental
haa1t, the other morning, by Raring, Harry
Bolton cried nearly all tho day cause his father
: bit."
!. . | and catch m OK. II mean the Of onei will
: | manage tho other mysef," he said. The maa
ran to do :-s he was b,dden, but suddenly nansed
On his way with tho exclamation, - He is Z
: reasonable fellow, anyway. How an to know
:. | which is the orphan?"
i s'How would you feel, my dear, il We we're to
: meet wolff" asked 40 old LADY Of her l'tslo
. | erandchiid, with whom sho WAS walking along .
: lonely country road ''Oh, graudmama. should
be 80 frightened !" Was the reply But should
i old lady. ''Would you, Erannie?" cried tho
y child, clapping her hands with delight THAT
}. would be nico! While the wolf WIS eating yon
should have time 20 run away"
"say, Jimmy, you'll be seeing 'em again pretty
soon II you don't let up On budgo," was the re-
marx OF one OF his friends yesterday to = MAJ
VINO had tarriel long at the cocktail when it waa
+ red. II guess not, was the reply, I've goTI
!, the dead wood on them this time, sonny" aud
T. opening his oyercoat he showed hin. bouquet
s OF gerani1ms in his button-hote, adding
8 Didn't you see that item in tho Courier. head
q ed .Geraniurns Will Drive or Snakes 7'"-Aadi-
h son Courier.
if A boy about II years old knocked at the door
, OF house on Second street yesterday, and,
boy round here pretty soon to clean your walk,
b but don't give him the job. His names Jim;
he's cross-eyed, and he blows up cats with pow
+ der-snaps. III be here With my partner pretty
mothers, and we're going to give half the money
l. to the graashopper-sutferers." The job was
J. saved for him.-Detron Free Press.
!, During the great collapse Of 1857, gentleman
, Of color kept bank in = Western city. His IN
!. | stitution WIS apparently in . sound condition
but to be in fashion with the white folks be
concluded to fail. Next morning = man came
and shook the door. but = voice lnside tcspondet
81 that 's Dc bank is closed. But the man replied
10 thar he had left new pair OF boots there ths
y day before and wanted them. Tho sable fran
10 cier opened the door softly, and. throwing GU
= one boot, remarked: We is o2ly paying 81
o. cents on de dollar"
70 Horace Mann used to tell story OF = conver
to sation he once had with an inmate OF lunati
~ mania resulted from IN inordiuate development
te Of the bump Of self-esteem- whats th
news Has anything unusual happened OF late
sir z" inquired he, with consequential air. II,
b. Mann happened to recollec. that furious storn
Of had occurred few days previous, gsve him som
es account Of it, mentioning that on the seacoas
er it IVES very severe, several vessels having bee
f. drran ashnre and wrecked with the loss c
many lives. .sCan yon remember, sir, whs
oy night in the week all that happened ?" eager]
IS, inquired the listener. Br. Mann aaid he be
:; lia7ed it was the night OF Tuesday. :. All J" sai
~ the 1unatic, with IN air Of solemnity, ming!e
/ | &r;+ and hia Whis