Litchfield enquirer., 1875-08-05
CLIPPINGS,

Sheet music-children crying in bed.
 A long-headed man is never head long.
 The path of duty-through the Custom house.
 The hair from ladies' braid should never be worn on the lapel of gentle mans coat, unless the parties are engag- ed.
 Old lady-'Is this smoking carriage?" Fellow Gnside)-"No, marm; if you want to smoke you must go higher up."'
 'tIt's generally the ease with bad boys," philosophically remarks Miss Anthony. ''that they look like their mother and act like their father"
 Can you inform me, said a student to a bookseller, whether I can find any where the biography of Pollock?" s'Yes, I dare say you will find it Tn the Co,t' SC of Time"
 Why should 7 be the happiest of al the vowels? Because 1t is in the centre of bliss; while c is in hell and all the others are in purgatorY.
 A Chicago paper says that young wid- ow in that city, who writes we'll, is train- ing herself for an editor. We hope that we are not the editor she is training her. self for.
 A person of Pike's Peak, writing to Minnesota journal, says that the miners are very much discouraged in that region; they have to dig through solid vein of silver four feet thick before they reach the gold.
 Mir. Cleveland on leaving the House after his speech on woman suffrage, Thurs day. y.met member who said Che wouldn't vote to make man of his wife" Mir. Cleveland responded, "I hope your wife will succeed in making Q nadn of you"
 At the funeral of a woman in Slawson, the other day, neighbor in attendance, pathetic to the afflicted husband, kindly observed: You've got a splendid day for tho funeral. "-Danbuvy NeUs. C
 Old lady (who sleeps badly): "Now, Mary, If 1 should want to light my candle, are all the matches there ?" Mary:-"Yes, ma'am. there's wan." Old Lady:-"One l! Why, if it misses fire, or won't light" Mary-"Oh, divil a fear of it, ma a'am. Sure I thried it." F. sz4 E8f
 ''Get out of tho way! what are you good for ?" said cross old man to little bright-eyed urchin, who happened to stand i'll his way. The little fellow, as he stepped one side, replied very gently 1: "lhey make men of such things as we are."
 A middle aged gentleman paid his ad- dresses to very young lady, but when he R maEriage was . refasea 6l Gl ul5ay Hay: pointment, he received the following la comic answer: "You ask and receive not, because you ask c miss"
 Sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander. Plymouth says Mir. sBeecher is innocent, and gives him in addition to renewed love $1O0, 1000. But how about that other dove-Mrs. Hilton she must be innocent, and ain't she to be paid too, -or hath virtue its own reward in her case ?- Vattcy Iadcr.
 A quiet, we'll disposed citizen being call- ed on to help an officer escort noisy man to the lookup, received a kick in the stom- ach the first thing Whereupon he clap ped both hands across that part of him, and moved away, sobbing, "Oh, myl" at every step, with an expression of earnest ness which showed it was not put on.
 As q boy was going down Porter street, yesterday, a woman opened the front door of house and called, "John John ! John !" As the boy paid no attention to the calls,a a pedestrian said to him "Here, bub. your mother is calling you." "No she isn't" replied the lad, as he turned a Rok1, I wife, and want her to understand that she can't run me !'
 John. the man who attends to the small duties around the Jail, was sent to the post office to mail letter and given three cents with which to pay the postage One of these cents was new coin, and not liking to part with it. he gave the post master two cents and brought back the other. Upon being told it required three cents to pay the postage, he complacently replied, Well let it go as far as the two cents will carry it thin" ~ .<'@
 She tried to sit down in a street car. bu, was pinned back so tight she couldn't Old lady peeped over her specs and asked her. "How long have you been afflicted that way ?" The young lady blushed and made 'ta break, sitting down sideways and holding her knees together so tight that she looked as If she had on one-leg ged pair of brooches. Old lady Roticed her sitting in this sideways, cramped DO. sition, and whispered. "Biie, | s'pose ;;'l s have had 'en thar myself. ~
 Artemus Ward was one day lying upon sofa enjoying a cigar in the little office of his publisher at New York, when he received telegraphic dispatch from Mr McGuire of the San Francisco Onera House asking, ''What will you take fo, ten nights in California ?" Without q npment's reflection or changing his posi. tlons he replied. Brandy and water. A. Ward. He soon filled remarkably snc cessfui engagement. the dispatch-a sf( ~ lpke-eeing published in the San Francis % papers and proving Q good adyertise