Memphis daily appeal. [volume] (Memphis, Tenn.) 1847-1886, 1875-08-01
FUNNYGRAPHS.

Why is President Grant like q power
OF attorney? Because be Knows sIi
men by these presentsW
/ More happy by FAR is the man with catarrh,
Than the one who Is perfectly well;
/ He is one OF those who Is saved By the nose
! From many a hDrri Die smell.
a correspondent Of p western paper
having described the Ohio a. "sickIy
stream" the editor appended the re-
mark: That's sO-it Is confined to its
| bed"
Parionable ignorance: A Delaware
candidate for the position Of school
/ teacher knew everything that was
asked him except the name OF the Vice.
| President Of the United States.
| Inaccurate Euphemism Why are
| lodgings to let almost always advertised
not Us rooms" but apartmeuts?U
Apartments" for single gentlemen are
all very well; but surely together
ments" would be more suitable to man
and wife.
! The editor OF the San Diego World is
becoming very popular with the ladies,
and says: Got q note from q couple
| One desired Us to settle p wash. bill, and
/ the other intimsted something about
rent. We declined both invitations to
be present"
\ Brooklyn girl was heard to remark
rs she was leaving church last Sunday
evening: "Ihere'5 my foolish father
has gone and given fifty dollars to the
| hesthen, and the new hats are out, and
| shsll have to bay cheap one or put
up with o straw"
A sasll dog four inches long annoyed
the horse Of an officer at an ercamp-
ment on last Friday. A mischievous
urChin yeiis out Take care, the enemy
| is after you" The officer grew red in
the face, and endeavorsa to find out the
| peTpetTatCT, but IL no effect.
! 4 iab0rer while at work in the capitol
grounds IT Carson turned W twenty
dollar piece. A Nevada paper explains
| th&t whenever q member Of the legis.
latUTe was offered q bri5e, he flung the
money Indignantly out the window,
and this must bs one OF the pieces"
A rustic youngstar being asked out to
take tea with & friend, was sdmOni=hed
TO praise the estables. Presently the but
ter was passed to him, when he re-
marked: livery nice butter-what there
is OF it," and observing a smile, he
added, "and plenty of it-such as it is"
The horns of dilemma were recently
placed under the head OF HiDernisn
bull at Pennsylvania inquest in this
wise: "The verdict of the jury is that
the coroner is either Incompetent or in
disposed to lookup the particulars Of the
case; therefore the Jurors decline render.
irg verdict"
English tourist lin Ireland)- Tell
me, waiter, at what hour does the first
train leave for CiOumslY Wsiter-'Ts
it the-iuIrst tbrain, sor? Pm not rightly
shUre. The nome train uD used to lave
at h8'f past nOiue, but fax, it goes at tin
now, and there's no fUrrst thTain now at
all at all. But I'll AK at the barn, soir?"
"Did you like the sermon, love?"
asked piCus wife ola hesrthen husband
on their way home from church. "Well,
my dear, to tell the truth" he said, 81
djdu't pay much attention to the ser.
mon, but from the sweet expression Of
the parsons face, [ should say he was s.
man who wouldn't have to be asked
twice to take drink"
a Nevada miner was talking with
young lady, recently from the east, who
has not yet become iamilisriZed with
mining terms. The other day he told
her he had lost his shift. Blushing to
the roots Of her hair, the young lady
said: 'Ifit had your monogram on it,
ike mine have, l don't suppose You will
have say trouble in finding it again."
Upon witnessing, recently, a stalwart
Indian carrying drunken Equsw up
bill to the campOCdie, near Austin, the
RCUejL'e observes:
The snow was deep,
The hill was steep,
The SquaW asleep,
But still that Indian tugged on, and il
he didn't cry "ExcelsiOru be said "heaD
dam!"
A western editor exclains: "BostOn
needn't attempt TO sell any Of her shirt
DOsOms, warranted lot to rumple,' in
this locality. Not much! Thesigh, the
exclamation, the sweet, tremulOus &C
cent, the delicious fragrance OF her hair
and breath-au these may pass away in
a moment, but the rumpled shirt-bOsOm
remains ever with you as present re-
miDdeT o. past joys"
This is q passage from 3 Boston report
er's account OF q meeting OF the Radical
club: "Then 8 Il8tTo1 made for kisses,
in the lGveliest OF GTsssss, and with eyes
that shone more brightly than the dis-
mOnds that she wore, spoke il tones of
lute-like sweetness words Of such eX-
ceeding fitness, phrases Of such happy
neatness, that we clapped our hands
more, as with grace she lett the floor"
To picture Of afrightfuliy wan, ema-
ciated girl, exhibited in Paris, is as
cribsd this history: at is the portrait of
sn artists sweetheart. He began to
paint it when she was healthy and basu-
Ciful, but while the work was in progress
she fell sick with consumption, and
slowly wasted away. As the deadly
disease changed her looks, he touched
ana re-t0Uched her likeness, until Just
before her death it grew to be what il is
uOW.U
ayes, this is the place." he said sadly,
and six men gathered around him on
the sidewalk aud asked: ''What place?'
This ia the very place. he said, more |
plainLvety still, and ten more men !
came up and msde inquiries. He wait |
ed until there was GD0ut twenty-five |
anxious faces around him, and then he /
said, 1.-THE place where 1 slipped on |
cOal-hOle cover, last Saturday" He !
walked away, but the air was Of a Law |
ender color in that vicinity for half an |
hour.
It was s. granger blowing with |
pair OF mules, and singing cOntentedly |
10 field near the road. This il the /
way he did it:
I'm but n stranger here [Gee, Ned.l
Heaven is my home lGes, Ged.l
Earth is desert drear IGee, Ned, you dang I
FOOL
Heaven is my E--eIIo! Ouch! Gosh all !
hem!OCk! Oh. Lord! Whoa.
The pIow had struck a stump, and |
the handle plunged into the poor fell
lows stomach with 3 fixeduess Of pur- /
pose that sent the granger, song, pillow |
aud shove quotations all In heap inthe
furrOW.
The mcst hideous women in the world |
are said to live ia the valley Of Spiti, !
when Is q mountain. bound, almost in
accessible place, twelve thousand feet |
above the sea, among the HimalGya. |
Their features are large aud coarse, the |
expression of their faces is usually nat !
uTal grimace, and they hang 2 huge ring /
in their noses. They dress in thick tu-
MICS and trousers, and their heavy boots, !
coming above the knees, are often filled |
around their legs with -four for the pup
pose Of warmth.
During q class-meeting held by the
Methodist brethren Of q southern village,
SiOlhSi = pLCS Wei SA-OAS AA0 CoACIeu
portion OF the congregation. Finding
here q man notorious for his eUdeavOr
to serve God on the Sabbath and Satan
the rest Of the week, he said: "Well,
Brother Dick, l am glad to see you here
Haven't stuen any turkeys since l saw
you last, Brother DiCkW "NO, 30,
Brother Jones; n fUTkeys.n "No chick
ms, Bother Die ?" "NO. no, Brother 1
Jones; no chickens "ThenB the
Lord Brother Jones That's doing
veil, my broth :" saii Brother Jones,
eaving Brother Dick, who immediately !