The Ottawa free trader. [volume] (Ottawa, Ill.) 1843-1916, 1875-06-05
BUDGET OF FUN.
"Gi.,in' Her Teeth Drawn"

About ten O'Clock Yesterday morning a
farmer and his wife hiiched their team on
Woodward avenue, and in another five min
utes had mounted the stairs and appeared in
dentists office The old lady had her face
tied up and there was a smell Of camphor,
peppermint, paregorlc, turpentlne ana OIL OF
smoke as she crossed the walk.
brace up now, Mary, brace up" cautioned
the husband, rs they started to climb the
stairs. IL know list how we feel--kinder
weak IN the KIN es, like-but the Teller up
stairs II have the old snag out o there ike Il
horse running down hill"
They were met by the smiling dentist and
the husband continued:
She's got an old snag which we want
drawed or dug ont or driven in, or sunthln' or
otherm
"Take chair, madam" replied the den
list, land guess can help.you."
II YUM! if l hain't mind to back out''
she said, dropping on to the sofa.
Brace, Mary-brace!' commanded the
husband "Why, even little children so high >
(measuring) "comc up here every day and
have their teeth drawed for fun
II don't believe it, she bluntly replied.
"Do you s'posc I'd lie to you, Mary-do
you s'pose I'd tell deliberate lie right here ~
asked the husband.
She seemed to think he would, but didn't
say SO, and the dentist talked softly and sweet
w. and finally induced her TO remove her
While he was looking over his instruments
husband remarked:
"You want TO brace, Mary. Hold yer
mouth open as wide as you possibly can, and
don't try to look Outen the winder."
II wish ye'd shet up" she snapped, sitting
up straight. Don't you s'pose know enuH
to git a tooth drawed."
but can't yer own husband speak to we,
Mary--the husband who has lived with you
nigh on thirty-siX years"
The dentist waved him away and caJoled
the woman into leaning back and opening
her mouth He found the cause Of her mis-
cry to be an old snag of tooth, which would
have to be dug around, but as soon as the
lance touched the gum she screamed out and
struggled up.
"lary-dear Mary, why do you holler"
exclaimed the husband, rushing over TO her
side
She's all rlght-the worst is over replied
the dentist
ooh, she'll stand it like an elephant-she's
got real grit, haven't you, Nary
She fell back, opened her mouth again, and
again the lance made her scream out.
Brace, Mary, shut your eyes and hold on
to the cheer' exclaimed the husband.
II wish you'd squat over there and stay
there" she snaTed after splitting out mouth
full of blood
But can't sit thar and hear We moan and
holler and take on so"
who's a-holerin'?"
you did"
Mol didn't"
Mary, don't tell me & lie. "a bold, straight
lie-right afore this dentister"
The dentist induced her to be seated again,
but it was five minutes before the woman
would open her mouth She declared that
the ache had entirely vanished and her tooth
never felt so well in her life.
Don't try to crawfish, Mary-dOn't try
that" exclaimed her husband.
will you shet up!' she shouted
mo, won't, durn me fl do! Here you We
Kept me awake fourteen nights howlin with
that old tooth, You've :awed and howled
and tore around like an old camel, and now
you've got to have that tooth drawed or you'll
go home afoot!'
She wanted to get out of the char and 90
Tor him, but the dentist persuaded him into
going to drug store after ten drops Of lauda-
mum, and while he was absent the tooth was
extracted. Mary" was balancing it on her
hand as he came Ia, and after brief glance
he exclaimed:
Bully for you, Mary. ] knowcd ye had
grit. All We wanted was me to encourage
yer
You didn't encourage nothing" she lotti-
ly replied.
II didn't, Ell? Why, darn it, if it was not
tor me you'd be bowling around home this
very minute, calm for hot ashes, and cam
fire, and oils and yltriol, and cotton. Don't
lie, Mary, cause you've had one old tooth
drawed"'
II pity your second wife" she growed as
she put on her hat. II know just how them
poor children Of mine will be usedr'
"Allers a twittin' me about q second wife"
lie exclaimed. Here I've got TO pay fifty
cents to have that old snag drawcd, and We
hain't the least bit grateful. I'd drive hum
and leave we in town, only | know yed be in
Jail in less'n an hour
wait TIL we get back home" she said, as
she started down stairs.
"TAredts' Threots!" whispered the farmer,
rs he turned to the dentist; remember, il
I'm found dead to night, that We heard her
utter threats.'
And he followed her stairs-Dctyot
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