The Lambertville record. [volume] (Lambertville, N.J.) 1872-1968, 1875-09-15

The Western papers are bringing the bat
teries of rdicule to bear upon the inflationists,
and especially upon Judge Kelley's grand in
troconvertible Z" financial scheme. Below we
publish from Chicago paper on Cocktails
and Currency" being .barkeeper's applica-
ton of Judge Kelley's theories to his case in
the matter of mornings drink. Whether
the alleged conversation has any basis of fact
or not, does not matter. 1t will bear readin-
ing, and the point is well brought out
speech, Mr. Kelley felt thirst, and walking
down into tho bar of the fremont House,
babe the attendant barkeeper to mix him a
whiskey cocktail. While the bar keeper was
compromising the liquor, syrup bitters, ice
and water, in due proportion, he remarked,
You're Congressman Kelley, amt you9"
81 am, but don't be afraid young man, don't
be afraid" affably replied the great states
man. 81 thought you was,' said the artist
In liquors, 81 heard you make bully speech
last night up to McCormack's Hall. Was
that all true you told us about them bonds,
and more greenbacks, and that other shenan-
igan, ell ?" "Truep'' said the apostle of
imitation "of course it was true. l am a
man of principle, young man, a man of strict
principle" "Keerect,' replied the bar
keeper, as he poured the completed cocktail
in an amber arch into glass, and filed a
tumbler with water.
Mr.. Kelley tasted the beverage. See
here, johnny he said, that cocktail dosen't
rise and take me by tho throat SO much as it
should / want it to be all to me shat the
name implies Just make it stronger and give
it to me in bigger glass, will you?"
The barkeeper promptly transferred the cor
tents into a water tumbler and addts boat
twice their quantity of water.
Mr.. Kelley observed somewhat testify !:
Hello. hello! What are you doing eh |
want bigger drink, more of a cocktail, you
know
The barkeeper smiled apologetically, and
begging Mr.. Kelley's pardon, emptied the di-
luted cocktail into weiss beer glass, which
he brimmed with water. There was an ocean
of fluid family tinged with pinkish amber,
the surface of which foated shred of lemon
peel The barkeeper pushed the glass over
to his customer, and affably resting both
hands on the counter asked him how that
suited him.
Mr.. Kelley first rubbed his eyes and then
pinched himself to be sure that he was HIM
self and awake then lowered his spectacles
and inspected the barkeeper narrowly.
Young man" he said at last, in his most
solemn tones, do you call that cocktail? !"
"Do call that cocktail? he replied,
pityingly 'what'n blazes do you call it?
That's the best cocktail the world ever saw.
There's whiskey in it,there gum in it, there's
Angostora bitters in it, there's lemon peel in
it, there's water in it, there's ice in it, and
don't they make cocktail? Besides it is
called a cocktail, just the same as dollar is
called dollar, and don't that make it a
cocktail? You can do anything with that
cocktail that you can do with any other cock
tail; you can drink it, you can pay for it ;
don't that make it as good as any other cock
tail! What do you take me for? Haven't
read your speeches 2"
"But," gasped Mr.. Kelley, growing very
red in the face, "there's too much water in
it."
"Too much waterl'' rejoined the bar
keeper. Why, you must have SO much
water in a cocktail, anyhow, mustn't you
You get your whisky like what you financial
sharps call reserve, and then you issue your
cocktail on that basis. You see, you have an
elastic cocktail that adapts itself to the wants
of the customer. If he wants strong drink
he don't want much water If he wants a
long drink I'll initiate his cocktail till its
volume equals his necessities. tell you I've
studied up this here financial problem.
But; butt stammered Mr.. Kelley, there
isn't a drop more whiskey all the while, and
every drop of water you add weakens and
spoils it,
'sThat can't be,'' rejoined the barkeeper.
81 It's just like finance. Whisky's wealth and
cocktails currency. If you can expand your
currency without any increase of your wealth
and do no harm, why can't you initiate this
cocktail up to hogshead full and let all
them bummers out in the street have a good
square nip?"
"You don't understand" replied Mr..
Kelley. "It's different in financial matters.
There, there is the relief afforded by my 1855
inter convert"
81 know it, know it, briskly answered
the barkeeper. 81 tell you, Mr.. Kelley,
your heads level Now, here ismy intercon-
vertible cocktail" Thus saying, he poured
half of the contents of the weiss beer glass in
to another weiss beer glass; then continued !:
Nouu this t,7ubler il the bonds and this