Nashville union and American. [volume] (Nashville, Tenn.) 1868-1875, 1875-06-06
THE MAN WITH THE EXTER-
MVRATOR

THE MAN WITH THE EXTER.
MINATOR.
Detroit Free Press.
He smiled blandly as be halted for mo-
ment in front Of the City Hall. He looked
like man who could palm of almost
anything on the public at 100 per cent.
profit and yet leave the customer in a
grateful mood. He had a tin trunk in his
hand, and as he sailed down Lafayette
Avenue the boys wondered whether the
trunk contained tax receipts or horse lini-
ment. The stranger halted in front Of
residence, his smile deepened, and he
mounted the steps and pulled the bell.
sis the lady at homer he inquired of
the girl who answered the bell.
The girl thought he was the census
taker, and she seated him in the parlOr and
called the lady Of the house. When the
LADY entered the stranger rose, bowed and
said:
"Madam, have just arrived in this town
after a tour extending clear down to Flori-
da, and wherever 1 went l was received
with glad welcome"
"Did you wish to see my husband?" she
asked as he opened the tin trunk.
'No, madam; deal directly with the
/ lady Of the house in all cases. A woman
will appreciate the virtues of my extermi-
natOr and purchase a bottle where man
will order me off the steps without glancing
az it."
"Your-your What?' she asked.
"Madam," he replied, as he placed four
ounce phial Of dark liquid on the palm Of
his left hand, 'madam, desire to call your
attention to my Sunset Bedbug Extermi-
I,. 10, saI ~
abroad, and in no case has it failed to"
"What dOyOu mean, sir?r she demanded,
getting very red in the face. "Leaye this
house instantly"
MADAM, do not wish you to infer from
my"
81 want you to leave this house" she
shrieked.
''Madam, allow me to explain my ="
81 will call the pOllce!" she screamed,
making for the door, and he hastily locked
his trunk and hurried out.
Going down the street about two blocks
he saw the lady of the house at the parlOr
window, and instead Of climbing the
steps he stood under the window and pol
itely said:
MADAM, 1 don't wish to even hint that
any Of the bedsteads in your house are in
habitsd by bed-bugs, but"
"What What's lhat?" she exclaimed. |
81 said that l hadn't the remOtest idea |
that any Of the bedsteads in your house |
were infested by bedbugs," he replied.
"Take yourself out Of this yardI !" she |
shouted, snatching tidy of the back of a |
chair and brandishing it at him.
"Beg pardon, madam, but should like |
70 call your"
"Get Outr' she screamed; "get out, or
I'll call the gardener"
81 will get out, madam, but wish you /
understood"
"J-a-w-n, J-a-W-n." she shouted out Of a /
side window, but the exterminatOr agent /
was out Of the yard before John could get /
around the house.
He seemed discouraged as he walked /
down the street, but he had travelled less /
than block when be saw a stout woman
sitting on the front steps ola fine residence |
tanning herself.
'SStout women are always gOOd-natured,"
he solilOquized as he opened the gate.
Haven't got anything for the g5ass-
hopper sufferers she called out as he en- /
tered.
There was all angelic smile on his face
as he approached the steps, set his trunk
down and said:
"My mission, madam, is even nObler than
acting as agent for a distressed community.
The grasShOpper sufferers do not comprise
a one hundredth part Of the worlds popUla-
ton, while my mission is to relieve the
whole world"
Il don't want any peppermint essence"
she continued as he started TO unlock the
trunk.
Great Heavens, madam. do l resemble a
peddler Of cheap essences ?7 he exclaimed.
Il am not one. am here in Detroit to en-
nance the comforts Of the night-tO produce
pleasant dreams. Let me call your atten-
ton to my Sunset Bedbug ExterminatOr,
a liquid warranted To-"
"Bed whatr' she screamed, easing to fan
her fat cheeks.
"My Sunset Bedbug EXterminatOr. It
is to-day in use in the humble negro cabins
on the banks Of the Arkansaw, as well as
in the rOyal palace Of her Majesty o.
'YOu r-r-rascal, you villyunr7 she
wheezed; show dare you insult me in-r'
NO insult, madam, it is a pure matter
Of"
"L-eave. Git o-w-tr' she screamed,
Clutching at his hair, and he had to 90 out
in such a hurry that he couldn't lock the
trunk until he reached the walk.
he travelled several blocks aud turned
several corners before he halted again, and
his smile faded away to a melancholy grin.
He saw two or three ragged children at a
gate, noticed that the house was old, and he
braced up and entered.
Il WANTS no zOap," said the woman of
the house as he stood in the door.
"SOap, madam, soap? have no soap. 1
noticed that you lived in an old house, and
as old houses are pretty apt to be infest-
ed"
81 WANTS no bins or needles today" she
shouted.
MADAM, am not a peddler of Yankee
notions" he replied. Il am selling a
liquid, prepared only by myself, which is
warranted To-
81 WANTS no baper COLLARS - she exclaim-
ed, mOtiOning for him to leave.
'Paper collars! have been often been
mistaken for Shakespeare, madam, but
never before for paper collar pedler. Let
me unlock my trunk and show
81 WANTS no matcheS-nO dObaccO-nO
zigars!" she interrupted; and her husband
came around the corner and, after cycling
the agent for a moment, remarked:
"If you don't be quick out Of here shall
not have any Smoking about it!'
At dusk last night the agent was sitting
on a salt barrel in front Of a commission |
house, and the shadows Of evening were
slowly deepening the melancholy look on
his face.
THE BENCH,