South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-04-02
WIT AND HUMOR

w"Three and sixpence per gal - ex-
claimed Mrs. Partington, looking over
the Price Current. "Why, bless me,
what is this world coming to when gals
are valued ut only three and sixpence?'
IVA Williamsburg man woke his wife
the other night, and in startled tone
Of voice, informed her that he had swal-
lowed a dose of strychnine. "Well, you
fool" said she, 'lie still, or it NAV
come up
VSome men never lose their pres
ence of mind. In Milwaukee, last week,
n man threw his mother-in-law out Of n
window in the fifth story of burning
building, and carried a feather bed down
stairs in his arms.
sW"What has become of your mon
key" inquired well-known but slight.
ly inebriated policeman Of an organ
grinder on Pennsylvania avenue. ..He
has gone TO your State TO run for Con-
gress," was the prompt reply.
CIVIL RIGHTS AND BEANs.-A we'll
known and popular Druggist in our city,
was approached by colorM customer
last week, in this wise:
''Kei, Boss, you certainly is gittin in
dem garden seeds soon, an dey is cher
lastin nice; dey is for sartin."
Eyes" said the urbane Druggist, ''they
are all right and we'll arranged, black
and white beans nicely partitioned Off,
The colored customer replied:
"Oh Lord, boss, dat's done played out
now, and you might ne well tar down de
partition an let dem black and white
beans mix-dat's de law now"
Then strides out 1.-The ward of the ma
tion," leaving the Druggist in profound
meditation upon the results Of Federal
Observation-Disclosures Spectator.
ge In the Office OF one of the Boston
hotels gentleman snapped his finger to
a boot-black, and, as he put his foot on
the box, he said:
You look like good, smart boy"
See here, mister ~ replied the boy as
he rose up, brush in either hand, I've
had that game played on me dozen
times and now L want to know whether
this is cash shine or whether you're
going to pat me on the head when get
through and tell me that I'll be the Co
vernon of Michigan some day."
IV'"Why did you pass yesterday with
out looking at me?' said n beautiful wo-
man to Talleyrand. Because, madam,
if had looked L could not have passed"
SHE WASN'T SALLY. While q num-
Der of ladies' were waiting at the Grand
Trunk depot yesterday, young man en-
tered, and after looking around he walk
cd up to young lady and said:
Hello, Sally ~
"Sir y she exclaimed, drawing back.
Isn't your name Sally?" he enquired,
taking closer look.
NO, sirr' she replied, flashing look
of scorn at him.
"Well, then she didn't come i'm on this
train" he continued. She's got red
hair and freckles on her nose lust like
you, and I'd sworn you were Sally !"
Detroit Free Press.
'GUINE FOR TO JISE THE BAND.'-
The other night Fayetteville gentle
man was greatly disturbed by dismal
bowling in his kitchen, which he Mt first
supposed was the sad refrain of some
low-spirited tom-cat dying with the bron-
chitis. Tracing up the noise he found
that it proceeded from an old negro wo-
man who was rocking backward and for
ward in chair, singing rs vocilerously
as her feeble lungs would allow.
What are you doing, Aunt Peggy"
exclaimed the irate Fayettevilian.
I'm singing Of hime honey"
THE ID you are, what 'hime' are
you singing?"
Tin singing, I'm gwine for to jine
the band y
well, I'd like to know what band
you are 'gwine for to jine?"
de angel band, honey-de Lords
bandr'
Now, you'd make nice angel.
wouldn't You, with the dirt an inch thick
on your hide?"
"Neber mind about de dirt, honey"
piouSly CALCULATED Aunt Peggy; never
mind about de dirt-de Lord lie got
pclnty of soap, He has. ndruns de riber
Jordan, He does-nebcr mind about the
dirt-I'm gwine for to jine-,'
Here Aunt Peggy's tormentor fed. and
she was left TO exercise her vocal pow.
cr5 at discretion.
A Puzzled Dutchman.
a Wisconsin paper has the following
good story One that does not believe
~, ir1Ynargigr, g,r h,yt;r,., .,..- D.