The Worthington advance. [volume] (Worthington, Minn.) 1874-1908, 1875-08-06


ready again Is explain the wonders and
beauties Of the sparkling heavens to such
of yousss prefer ! million dollars worth
Of: scientific knowledge te 70 cents 10 vile
dross. Meanwhile permit me 70 call
your attention to my celebrated tooth.
ache drops. : the only perfect remedy
yet invented:for aching teeth 80 u :,
And yet i have. every reason to be-.
lievs that the Professor was earnest,
honest, and sincere: a"'!%:ff5l Z
THE FATE F0RL0RN OF THE MAR !:
.,.; .aasQU1S LORNE.=;.sI Z
from tn London Hornst, 1uhe SOL :
I am \ blightsd being, Of Scotch ex-
traction. -79fFiIFt}
. And this is how J. become bliehted,
The tale isfa> narrowing one, but it may
be warning to others who would tread
the path which leads to royal alliances,
royal mocksry, royal snubs, and all the
rest Of it. * Tt:~:
Here, then, is my pitiful story. When
you have Wept over it sufficiently you
can send your pocket.handkerchicf to
Mrs. Stirling for the royal dramatic fete.
Somebody else is going to send the one
he wept into when he saw Cogh-
lan's Shylock. I will send the one I
weep into every day when my royal
bride whacks - But this is digres.
sion. ,.>:' =,
Twas not reared in the lap of luxury.
My parents were poor, but have no rea-
son to believe that they were wilfully
dishonest, and they gave me such delics-
cies as they could afford. I was reared
upon the national diet. Athole brosc,
bsnnocks, cockaleekle, speldrins, haggi-
SEES. kibbocks. powldoWdies, scenes, and
other similar luxurics, made our festive
board groan in Gaelic nor was music
wanting. for from an adjacent thicket
came the sprightly strains of the Caledo-
MAN Cremona; upon which my father
was proficient.
Some Of my brothers went into trade,
but was reserved for higher destiny.
I may mention en- PEASANT that had
known it earlier in life I would have
made away with myself, but it is now too
late. In neighboring county, the name
Of which shall never be wrung from me
even By torture. lived princess. It oc.
Cured to my father that he would SEN
graft slip Of royalty upon his lordly
line,' that is how he put it, and I was
the unfortunate victim of this herticul-
tural experiment. The mother of the
princess was quite willing to graft her,
and chose three young noblemen, of
whom was one. The other two, in a
fright, Immediately went and grated
themselves elsewhere; and then my
father chuckled, and I collapsed into
hopeless melancholy, for I knew my
doom was sealed.
spare you the details Of the courtship
You are aware that by the strictest rules
o. etiquette you never address royalty
unless you are spoken to, 50 that CONVEX
sation was one-sidcl /, and the young lady
had to make most Of the running. In due
time the fatal knot was tied, and if you
had seen my respected parent at the wed.
ding y,u would have imagined that he
was the happy bridegroom: and not my
blighted self, so proud and exultant did
he look.
l had often pictured to mrself what
marrying princess would be like, but
the reality 'sr exceeded my widest
dreams. l had, in the innocence of nv
heart imagined that the barrier between
myself and her royal relations would be in
some measure removed. But ble:s you
was quite mistaken. You would have
thought committed crime. In fact, I
feel like it, and this idea has so complete
y taken possession Of me that l watch
with interest the growth ola look ofha Bit
ual crimina,ity on my face.
Sad to relate, too, am losing all knowl-
edge Of the ling aage Of my childhood, and
have to school my self in Teutsnic tongue
inexpressibly distasteful to me. For Ger.
tain Teutons have treated me more dcs-
pitefully than anybody, and SEEN to
think I ought to r. ordered off to instant
execution as punishment for my pre-.
sumption in entering the Charmed circle.
Ofcourse my father likes it. He is not
in my position, but looks upon the whole
affair as an excellent advertisement for
himself and the rest Of the family. Pos
sibly it is but they don't think of me con.
demned to 90 abou. in lowly four.wheel-
or with the servants, when somebody.
whose name should rot bs vFurg If I'm
me by wild h.rsce, rides n ststs earf:asss.
Even = worm has ohar< Of tzuna IL,
but don't see en- hope Of the least Oh.
portunity. Should it occur you will hear
Of it, for there are Thoughts within this
snubbed and blighted bosom which would
make \ niger turn pale, 4 Jew lend
money without interest, q Scotchman
voluntarily worst himself in bargain.
and Roman Catholic to kick the pope.
THE HISTORY on RALT00NrNr