Martinsburg weekly independent. [volume] (Martinsburg, W. Va.) 1873-1875, 1875-02-06
Every hotel in Portland, Me-, ha:
oeen indicted under the liquor law


been indicted under the liquor law
Throwing red pepper into peoples eyes
preparatory to beating them is becom-
ing in vogue in New York
1t has been decided by a Virginia
court that boys have no right to roll
one another in the mud How would
this do for Congressman?
There are many who talk on from ig-
norance rather than from knowledge,
and who find the former an inexhausti-
BILE fund Of conversation.
What is the use in these days oftrying
to be honest? exclaimed grumbler. Oh,
you onght to try it once and see, retort-
ed one Of his companions.
The Cincinnati Enquirer says of
Fechter that he is "a powerful actor,
and it is pity he didn't turn his atten-
ton to the prize ring instead of the
stage"
Aristotle, on being censured for be-
slowing aims onsa bad man, made the
following noble reply: II did not give it
to the man; / gave it to humanity"
"Your feet are not very Stylish" said
a man to his friend, whose feet were,
covered with bunions. "No, not stylish
but exceedingly nobby, was the good
natured reply.
Of course woman doesn't want her
plants to freeze, but still one can't blame
a man for raising row when he hops
out of bed in the morning and finds a
geranium plant in each trousers leg.
In Manchester, Eng, lately, twenty
four dogs were sold at an aggregate 70
1924 pounds, an average of SO pounds
and 7 shillings each. No conceivable
sausage scandal is possible at that price.
An anxious parent, whose son has al
ready mastered French German and
Italian, has determined Oh sending the
youth to Finland, in order to give his
boys education just the little Flash it
required.
A little girl asked a minister, ''Do
you think my mother will 60 to heaven
"Why, yes, my child. Why do you
ask" "Well, because if she don't have
her way there, she won't stay long,
was thinking
Mr.. Forster was surprised that unlike
the House of Commons, our House of
INDUCED in no ''cheer-
ing" Among the one hundred and
twenty defeated members there's very
little that's cheering. Sass
Don't say " too thin" 1t is a slang of
he worst description. You should say
N OF sufficiently materialized.' Clothed |
is sufficiently plain and not |
10 apt to irritate.
Hard currency for ever--A Pennsyl-
vania fool fooled with pistol. Ball
struck FIVE cent piece in his waistcoat
pocket, and teck to his boots instead of
his vitals. A thousand dollars in paper
would not have saved him.
An amatory chap in Mount Vernon
Hi, published personal" soliciting cor
with "young, cultured
ladies" But the type fiend set it up coll
orsd ladies, and now that young man
has got his hands full of business.
A Minister going to visit Obs of his
sick Pensioners, asked him bow he
rested during the night. ooh, wonder
ously i'll, sir, he replied, "for mine eyes
have not come together these three
nights" What is the reason of that?'
said the other. "Alas! sir" said he,
because my nose was betwixt them"
There are three kinds of men in the
world, the Wills, the Wonts and the
Cants. The first effect everything; the
others oppose everything. 81 will
build our railroads and steamboats,; 81
won't" don't believe in experiments and
nonsense; while III can't" grows weeds
for wheat, and commonly ends his days
in slow digestion of bankruptcy. 1t is
a lamentabls fact that the latter are to
a