The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-09-04
VARIETY.

VARIETY.
Young woman exclaimed the other day,
II have cxcnrted three times this Summer :
Ball. said John Henry's hopeful 20 a small
boy who wanted to whip him, "you couldn't
lick postage stamp"
How to dssuade people from marrying-Send
them to the seaside, and they will be always
hearing the moaning OF the tied
Milwaukee paper says Of the air. in it's rela-
tions to man, Ii kisses and blesses him. but Will
not obey him. Blobbs says that description
suits his wife exactly
One of the Oldest, ablest, and best-known
members of the Suffolk (AIass) bar once dryly
said that there was no such thing knowing
what law was until the Supreme Court had had
its opportunity to guess at It,
\ lady being asked by gentleman to be his
wife, wrote the word 90 stripes and stated that
the letters Of the word could be transposed into
the answer. He finally studied out 81 persist -
what every woman wishes her lover TO do
How To co MAD.-Be an editor let the devil
be waiting for copy sit down to write an article,
and put few sentences down; then let an ac-
quainfance drop in and begin to tell you stories
and sossips of the town and let him sit, and sit,
and sit. This is the quickest way we can think
of to go raving distracted mad.
A presiding elder from MaIne-a keen humor-
GUS somewhat waggish man-was approached by
a travelling companion, as he seemed to be sound
asleep in the railway car. 80 Brother d., said
the friend, /" wake up. wake up Do you know
where you are? p 50 Yes, L know where am
answered the elder. - Where are you?" '' Not
far from New York" 4" How do you know?'
Because have for the last hour felt like steal
ing something 90
When Brigham Young is so sick that he can't
hold his head up, thirty-seyen women stand
around to take their turns feeding him with
spoon. Ill health makes the old man irritable,
and his style of orders to those attending angels
is affected good deal in consequence " Come,
get around quick there, No. Stir your stumps,
No 10 What do you suppose married you for,
No. "a? Waltz up lively, No. q. Who gives
you chicken soup three times day, and new
bonnet every month, lazy bones Numbers 33
and 81, stop jawing, and pay attention when
your turn comes !" 1t is thought that this sort
Of thing does more 10 keep the old saints spirits
up and his soul and body together than all the
doctors could do
The other day when 4 Vicksburg boy had
trouble with his neighbor's boy, and came ont
first best, he realized that something must be
done at home, and be slid into the house and
said:
Mother, you know how good and kind you
have been to Mrs. T., next door? ?"
Yes, have tried to be good neighbor TO
her.
Well, do you know that she says you clean
vour teeth with whitewash brush, and that
father ought to have pension for living with
you2"
cate on her way to the house TO ask why her boy
must be pounded up in that way, she heard 4
shrilI voice calling out:
Vile wretch, don't you enter that gate or
You'll get scalded ~
She returned home, and the young statesman
dropped down under q shade tree, kicked UP his
heels, and softly chuckled
That settles her, and now I want to catch
her Tom again for just fourteen seconds -
VTckSJ1Eg Herald
CONSOLIDATED MUsIC.-Two or three painful
incidents are reported in the American papers to
have occurred lately. The other evening, IN
Williamsvle, Iowa, some samples OF tar pave
ment had been laid down in a few of the side
streets Sixteen young men, - armed with
every known musical instrument" proceeded
that night to serenade young lady in front OF
whose house q sample OF tar pavement had, I'M
known to them been thus laid. Seating them
selves on the sidewalk with their feet in the
roadway, they played and sang with much feeling
and good taste for some little time. On attempt
ing, at the conclusion of the performance, to
rise, they found themselves, however, in an en-
barrassing and uncomfortable position. They
were, in fact, glued to the pavement, and could
only regain their feet at terrible sacrifice OF
their clothing. After heightened discussion as
TO what was best to be done unier the eircum-
stances, it was decided that they must free them
selves at any cost They accordingly screwed
their courage up to tearing point, and with 81 a
mighty wrench - rose from the pavement, leaving
behind them almost much of their garments
as thev carried away. Another case of a some
what similar nature is reported from New jersey.
A gentleman, who had tried the experiment OF
summer of roofing his house with the material
out Of which concrete pavements are made, was
much annoyed by the animated discussions car
ried on by the eats Of The heigbborhood on top o
his dwelling. Finding the noise unbearable, hi
ascended to the garret one night and looked on
Of the trap-dOor. To his horror he found NJ
fewer than I96 cats stuck fast knee-deep IN tht
concrete, which had been softened by the heat
Some of them had been there four days. Th
moment they caught sight of the owner of tn
house the whole l96 doubled their spines, rufiiet
their hair, shook their tails, and gave one wild
unearthly yell, which so frightened him that b
~ fell down the step-ladder on TO the head OF III
wife, ws.o was standing below with candle i
her hand Both husband and wife were Feriousl
but not dangerously injured.