The Elk County advocate. [volume] (Ridgway, Pa.) 1868-1883, 1875-08-26
In THE DETROIT POLICE COURT.
4 Day with n Western Justice---Hts
Honor's PecuIiarities.


Honor's PecuIiarities.
THE GOOSE QUESTION.
"Mrs. O'Lone, whyfore and for what
valid reasons did you interfere with the
police while they were driving geese to
the pound? ?" asked the court of the next
prisoner.
eyer honor, s'pose you owned four.
teen geese9"
eyes, madam"
"And ye was hard-working woman 9'
eyes"
"And the geese made feathers fol
yer beds and dinner for Christmas ?"
eyes"
"And yer husband was dead, and
yer children had nobody to love but the
geese?"
Yes, Mrs. O'Lone."
"And would ye sthand by and see q
policeman wild a red nose drive them
geese to the pound, wild the children
wiping their eyes for grief 2"
Madam O'Lone, you may return
home. You must not interfere with the
officers again, and 1 hope the officers
will not get sight of your geese another
time this summer. Give my respects to
the children, shut your geese up, and
the world will jog along as before"
AN OBSTINATE MAN.
A young man with red eyes and long
hair came out in answer to the call for
Martin Van Buren.
"Any relation to the President by that
name ?" asked the court.
"No, sir-I am the President him
self" replied the young man.
"What?"
81 am Martin Van Buren, ex-Presi-
dent of the United States, loftily re-
piled the prisoner.
"Thats pretty cool" said his honor,
as he folded up sheet of paper. "You
are not over your drunk yet"
81 was never drunk in my life, sir -
"What2 Why, here's a warrant charg-
ing you with that offense, and here's the
officer ready to swear !"
"Can't help that, sir. My position as
exPresident of the United States of
America should be guarantee of my
social habits"
"Young man, do you think I'm a
fool3"
"No, sir"
81 thought you did. I thought SO
from your talk"
"Well, sir, am Martin Van Buren,
ex-President of the United States of
America, and that ends it % said the
young man.
"No, it doesn't; I'll send you to the
house of correction for sixty days, and
more than that, I'll say that you are the
checklist young man who has ever ap-
peared at this bar"
"Martin Van Buren, can stand il,
was the reply, and he was removed.
IN CONSIDERATION.
His honor looked at Timothy Hender-
son for long time. Timothy was worth
looking at. If he had been wrecked on
an island and lived there for score of
years alone, he could not have been more
dilapidated in general look.
Timothy, do you want to be sent up
for three months 2" asked the court.
No, sir"
"You are willing to do most anything
if ] let you go, aren't you3"
eyes, sir"
well, now, will you wash your face ?"
eyes"
"And have your hair cut ?"
eyes"
"And clean your fnger-nails3"
eyes"
"And get money enough to get shaved
with, even if you have to steal it 2"
eyes, sir."
"Well, you may go. I am here to
enforce the law, but don't believe you
come under my jurisdiction.
"THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN"
"Good gracious but who brought
this old woman in here!" exclaimed his
honor, as an aged female, leaning on q
cane, hobbled out.
81 did," replied one of the officers.
Well, take her out to the avenue and
pay her street Car fare home. 1 don't
propose to rob the cradle or the grave to
fill prisons"
The old lady hobbled out, Biiah closed
the court and the boys played Mozart's
twelfth mass on their mouth h-organs.-
Free Press.