The herald and mail. [volume] (Columbia, Tenn.) 1873-188?, 1875-10-01
+" The CampaigR.'s

| thlnk the campaign has opened.
am ma politician myself, but | think so
because drunken man ran against me
| last night, and yelled;
g Rah for Thompson !"
And he had scarcely staggered out of
sight when another intoxicated iRdivid-
| ual came running around the corner and
hOarsely inquired:
" Where's the reptile that called our
candidate a horse-thief?'' ~ 80
Later in the evening several men halted
in front of my house and thus addressed
me as l slumbered:
Come down here, you old gray-headed
derp' -.
didn't go down, and they unhinged
and carried off my gate, and broke down
two shade-trees.
As | said at the start, I don't keep N.Y.
self posted on politics, but l am con-
vinced that the campaign has opened !;
this is the way, if | remember eighty,
that all campaigns have been opened for
the last fifteen years.
This morning while l was selecting a
roast at the butchers, a man with red
eyes and wicked face came up, slapped
me on the back, and as he twisted around
so as to give me the full force of his tan
yard breath he remarked:
"Gimme yer handles hollerfor John
SON. ~
He seized my hand and shook me
around and continued:
g l kin lick any human being who says
a word agin JohnsOn"
Who's johnson |' l asked, for really
| did not remember of ever hearing or
reading of him.
Who's johnson ?" he echoed, gazing
at me in astpnishment and Indignation,
"why, he's lived in your own ward for
ten years !"
l never met him."
Never did? Why, he keeps the big
gest and best saloon in the ward p'
"Ahw
He looked at me for moment in a
puzzled way, not understanding what
ah ~ meant, and then he pulled off his
coat and exclaimed:
See here, maybe you are going to cut
johnson and vote for Spicer ?''
Maybe | am"
You are, eh?' he yelled. You are
going to cut johnson off the reg'Iar
ticket and vote for that long-haired Spi-
cer?"
A policeman took the man away lust
as he was preparing to demonstrate the
freedom of the American ballot-box, and
| got my roast and went into the grocery.
Old Mr., LOveioy and old Mr.. Arnold
happened in at the same time. tknew
they differed in politics, but also knew
that both We're good men, and had been
friends for twenty years.
4 % h. l. I
remarked Mr.. Arnold as he hunted fora
match to light his pipe.
"Oh, | dunno" replied Mr.. LOveioy,
" | think well scoop you high and dry
without much effort"
You will, eh? I'll wager that you
are the sickest looking man in the county
before snow flies"
"Guess not" said Mr. LOvejoy in
nettled tone; "the people are tired of
being robbed and Plundered- ard bur
dened and roasted at the stake, as it
were, and they are rising in their might
to hurl the villainOus party from power"
What party do YOU refer to, sir?''
demanded Mr.. Arnold.
Yours, sir, )" replied Mr.. Lovejoy.
Then, sir, you are a dOtard and a
liarw shouted Mr. Arnold
"And I'll knock you DOWN. cried
Mr.. LOvejoy; and they struck and
kicked and fell over barrel, and were
separated only to vow eternal enmitv
From now until the campaign is over
/ shall see such things every day. As
come home men will demand money of
me to drink the health of this or that
candidate; men will seize me and rush
me into a saloon, and oblige me to swal-
low some villainous drink to show that
| favor their candidate; men will throw
bricf,bats at me if l come up a back
street to avoid them. If / ride on a
street car | shall hear men abuse and
malign every candidate on my party
ticket; if ride in the omnibus shall
hear men relate villainOus lies about
every candidate on the other ticket.
The chances are that my butcher and
grocer and tailor will fall out with me
because refuse to hurrah for their can
didates, or because | can't see that Saun-
ders is a liar, hypocrite, horse-thief burg
lar and Jail breaker, while Morton has to
wear an Overcoat to hide his angelic
wings.
During the day | shall hear all these
things down town, and when | come
home to rest, and just as | am enjoying
my first nap, some one will ring my bell
and want to know if / am on this or that
ward or city committee. In less than
half an hour some one voting the other
ticket will heavc a rock against the door
from across the street to remind me of
the error of may ways. At midnight
parties will come along and hurrah for
some one, and at daylight, the man who
has been laying wires" all night will !
wink at me as he goes along home. If | !
take any part in this campaign must |
fold tickets and lay plans on Sundays, |
remain up the most of every night, |
drink with every man who asks me, |
treat every loafer encountered, lie about /
men whose characters are above reproach, /
and praise men who are not fit to assO-
ciate with heathens.
l sometimes think that | won't have |
anything to do with politics