The Columbian. [volume] (Bloomsburg, Pa.) 1866-1910, 1875-12-24
A COnDUhial COntroyprsv

The bolt on the back door had needed re.
placing for long time, but it was the other
uight that Mr.. Throcton had the presence of
mind to buy new one and take it home.
After supper he hunted up his tools, removed
the old bolt and measured the location for
the new one He must bore some new holes
and Mrs. Throcton heard him roaming
around the kitchen and woodshed ,slamming
doors, pulling out drawers and kicking the
furniture around. She went to the head of
the stairs aud called down:
"Richard do you want anything?"
"Yes, don he yelled back. 81 want to
know where that Texas cork-screw is"
"Cork-screw," Richafd?"
''les, cork-screw, Richard I've looked
the house owe. and can't find itv'
"Why, we never had one Richard ~
Didn't eh We've had dozen oe 'em
in the last two years, aud l bought one not
four weeks ago It's always the way when l
want anything"
"But you must be out of your head, hus-
band" she said, as she descended the stairs.
"We've kept house seven years, and l never
remember of seeing you bring cork-screw
| home"
80, yes, Pm out of my head, | am p he
grumbled, as he pulled out the sewing ma
chiue drawer and turned over its contents.
perhaps I'd better go to the lunatic asylum
right awav."
"Well, Richard, know that have never
seen cork-screw in this house"
light, for I've bought five or six The
house is always upside down, anyhow,
and never can find anythingr
"The house is kept as well as any one of
your folks can keep onen' she retorted,
growing rel iu the face.
I'D like my mother here to show you a
few things" he said, as he stretched his
neck to look on the high shelf in the pam
try.
Perhaps she'd boil her spectacles with
the potatoes again - answered the wife.
''Do you know who you are talking to !"
he yelled, as be jumped down.
"Ycs, do"
"Well, you'll be going for York state, if
you don't look out!'
"Id like to see myself. When this house
gocs!S
''Look out Nancyw
81 am afraid of no man that lives, Rich
ard Throctonw
'Tll leave you -
"And I'll laugh to see you gow
Going close up to her he extended his
finger, shook it to emphasize his words, and
slowly said;
"Nancy Throcton, I'll apply for divorce
tomorrow. III tell the judge that / kindly
and lovingly asked you where the gimet
was and you said we'd never had one in the
house, which is a bold falsehood, as l can
prove"
"Gimlet" she gasped,
"Ies, gimlet."
"Why, knew where there are three or
four, You said oOrk-screw"
Did ?' he gasped, sitting down on the
corner Of the table, 'well, now, l believe l
did"
"And you went and abused me like a
slave because | wouldn't say gimet was
cork'screw,' she sobbed, falling on the
lounge. -
"Nancy," he said, tenderly lifting her
up.
"Oh, Richard - she chokingly answered.
Nancy, Il so right out of doors and
kill myself"
'No, you needn't love you still! only
yon know gimlet is nota cork-screwp
"lt ain't Nancy forgimme and less be
happy
And that household is so quietly happy
that q canary bird would sing its head oil if
hung up in the hall,
JUST AS WELL. The other day ragged
red eyed man stopped gentleman on the
street, and asked
"Say, mister, lend feller a, dollar, will
you ?"
No sir" was the emphatic reply
"Why won't you -
"pecause don't know you," replied the
gentleman.
swell you wouldn't let me have it if YOU
did, so YOU might as well hand her out" was
the cool reply.
liz WASN'T ONE,-On the Lake Shore
road the other day an old lady, seated on
posite sharp looking gentleman, kept her
eyes ON him " hong time aud finally asked
Mister are you pickrocketW
why no, madam. Pm business man
OF New York, he answered,