The Manitowoc tribune. [volume] (Manitowoc, Wis.) 1866-1878, 1875-03-25
NUMEROUS.

An executive. offce-the hangman's.
Common pleas-please shut the door
The scale of good breeding Bnatural.
A poor relation-telling an anecdote
badly.
Carpets are bought by the yard, and
worn by the foot.
Wasting sweetness putting your arm
about pretty woman.
AS you cannot avoid your own COM
pany make it as good as possible.
Habit is cable. Every day we weave
a thread, and soon we cannot break it.
ANDREW JOHNSON succeeds Carl
Schurz on the Committee on Foreign
Relations.
MIR. PIERPoNT WILSON, of Vineland,
n. j., is now shipping strawberries to
New York, receiving IS quart.
Two things in this world that should
not be trifed with-a woman's opinion,
and the business end of a wasp.
"May heaven bless and keep you from
your own true love, Benjamin Herrick, +"
was the way the letter ended.
A veteran shopkeeper says that altho
his clerks are very talkative during the
day, they are always ready to shut up at
night
Josh Billings says ]: ''There amt any
thing that will completely cure laziness,
though a second wife has been known to
hurry it some.
A Rhode Island woman says that she'd
rather have the nightmare seven straight
nights than tell her husband that the
flour barrel is empty.
When Chicago man gets rich, he
writes to Eastern publishing houses and
tells them to send 'thalf ton of books
with gilt on
The Detroit Free Press asks, if Mr..
Bergh can send man to jail for three
months for killing mad cat, we'd like
TO know what he can do to boy who
feeds marbles to parrot?
A little American lad who had just
commenced reading the newspapers ask
ed his father if the word, Hon. prefxed
to the name of a member of Congress
meant ''honest."
Said pompus husband, whose wife
had stole up behind and given him
kiss: MADAM, [ consider such an act
indecorous Excuse me-" said the
wife, 81 didn't know it was you"
A. T. Stewart once paid $40, 900 for
painting forty feet long, and ever since
then he makes it a practice every night
and morning of saying to himself {:
Stewart you are the biggest jacl1ass in
America.
Deacon Ladue, of Wisconsin,, went to
the barn the other day and hung him
self with log chain because his wife
playfully kicked his hat off and exclaim-
ed ''rhats the kind of clothes pin I
am p
''Why, Ichabod, I thought you got
married mOre'n a year ago." ''Weu,
Aunt Jerush, it was talked of, but I
found out that the girl and all her folks
were opposed to it, and so L just gave
'em all the 1nitten and let the thing
drop
A man at the Central depot was look
ing around for some one to split some
wood, and meeting forlorn looking boy
he asked him: Club, wouldn't your
father like a job?" ''No, he's got one
now," answered the boy; sjust been
sent up for six months!'
An inebrlate stranger precipitated
himself down stairs, and on striking the
landing reproachfully apostrophized
himself with: eff you'd been wantin'
to come down stairs, why in thunder
didn't you say so, you wooden-headed
old fool, an I'd come with you, an
showed youthe way %
A Swiss boatman recently pulled a
woul1-be suicide out of Lake Geneva
An hour or two after the boatman dis
covered the same man hanging to tree,
but did not interfere this time The
magistrates summoned him to answer
why he did not prevent the suicide, and
he replied that he supposed the gentle
man had only hung himself up to dry.
A LADY was telling friend from the
country of a ve1y grand party she had
given recently. Owe had two generals,
one judge, a popular author, and play
writer" YES" chimed in her wicked
son, 'and there was a Deputy Sheriff
too, who said he wanted to see dad, and
they went out before supper, and dad
hasn't got home yet When that youth
went to school 5he next day with his
head all tied up, he told the boys he had
a dreadful toothache.
PERFUMES fair readers may be
Interested to learn where, for the most