The star. (Cincinnati [Ohio]) 1874-1875, 1875-01-12
NIBRs' MIsFoRrUNEs.

L
NIBRS' MISF0RTUNES.
Mr.. Nibbs had scarcely recovered from
the severe bruises received in attempt
ing to demolish an empty flour barrel
than the poor gentleman was doomed to
be the recipient of far more painful
batch OF cOntusions.
| One morning, at the breakfast table,
Mrs. Nibbs informed Mr.. Nibbs that the
grapevine was in shocking state, and
sadly needed trimming. She also re-
quested him TO perform the operation.
He refused.
After spirited debate, during which
the kitchen table was overturned, ana
Mr.. Nibbs received well buttered pan
cake square between the eyes, he finally
| consented.
| Graspiug the bread-knife, and not heed
ing Mrs. Nibbs, who advised him to at
| tire himself in some cast of garments, he
sailed out into the backyard.
Grasping one of the Stats, Mr.. Nibbs,
| with boy-like agility, rapidly ascended
the arbor. He mad ALMOST reached the
| top when an accident occurred.
One of the Stats gave way and he fell
gracefully downward.
Mr.. n Nibbs, with great presence of mind,
clutched iranticaly at the sky, but miss
ed his grab, and succeeded in planting
his head, up to the ears, in the grass
plot. Hastily regaining his feet he gazed
searchingly about i'll order to see ii his
dow nfali had been observed by the pry-
ing eyes OF his neighbors. Yes, his mis-
fortune had been witnessed by Mary Ann
Moran, the servant girl who was en-
ployed next door.
NJ. A. M.'s mirth was extremely aggra-
waiting to the feelings of the unfortunate
Nibbs, and he seized large stone. Step
ping back several PAGES to give jmpelu-
oslty to the missile, he ran with all his
might and then hurled the stone at the
humorous hand-malden next door.
Mr.. Nibbs' vengeance would probably
have been completed but for an uneX-
pected interruption.
In his blind rage lie failed to observe
that the clothes line lay stretched direct
ly across his path. Consequently, while
he was at the top Of his speed, with
every muscle strained to its utmost ten
sion, the said line caught him directly
under the chin. Mr.. NiDbs flew violently
backward and struck the w0Od-house
with sickrning crash. The stone fell
short of the mark and went wiggllng
through the back basement windows.
Mr.. Nibbs finally recovered his breath,
and gave vent to his pent emotions in a
series OF new and original epithets.
Nibbs is man of great resolution, and,
had experienced, he proceeded to mount
the arbor again-this time With much
less boyish agility, however.
He reached the top again and began
WORK. Every thing went along swim
mingly for while, and he thought to him.
self what an easy task was that of a gar
dener. His opinion was soon altered,
however.
In his ardor Mr.. Nibbs stretched his
body forward to its full extent. The slat
creaked. Mr.. Nibbs, fearing that the slat
was breaking, threw himself suddenly
backward. IN so doing, the point of in-
consequently, according to philosophy,
Mr.. Nibbs was bound to fall.
Mr.. Nibbs was swooping down toward
the brick walk below like some great
bird, when large hook intercepted his
flight. The said hook buried itself into
the. bay window Of his pantaoons, but as
the material was not strong enough to
bear his weight, he continued his down
ward course, and finally landed.
Had MIR. Nibbs landed upon the brick
walk, we would now be writing an obit-
uary notice instead Of humorous arti-
Gle.
MT. NlDDS' WIG, VIII ueE customary
had failed to replace
the cover over the well-hole, and splash
into the well sailed Mr.. N.
The water was very deep, and unpleas-
antly cold, and the luckless Nibbs began
treading water, and mumbling, SHOW /
lay me-" etc., at u great rate.
Mrs. Nibbs heard the crash of the
breaking stats, and reached the door
just i'll time to see MIR. Nibbs disappear
like some great bull-frog into the we'll.
Seizing long clothes-pole, she, after
much eXertion, succeeded in rescuing
the ill-starred Nibbs from watery
grave.
The excitement was too much for him,
and for several days he lay at the point
of illness, expecting every moment to be
his next.
And now if any person wants to know
just how it feels to he struck with a pile
driver, just let him request Mr.. Nibbs to
favor him with brief synopsis OF the
adventures experienced by novice i'll
endeavoring to perform the laborers OF Il
gardener, especially that branch which
relates to the grating and pruning Of
trees and vines.