Buchanan County bulletin. [volume] (Independence, Iowa) 1869-1891, 1875-06-04
WHOLE NO. 5l7.
A natural revolution-the earth.
An affecting sight-barrels in tiers.

Vested interest-money in the waistcoat
pocket.
Something that ought to be put down
carpets.
When a hog roots in a snow bank its
nose knows snow.
Why is a side-saddle like eight-pint
jug? Because it holds gallon.
A muff-a thing that holds young
lady's hand without squeezsing it.
Cakes of toilet soap and two-dollar sus-
penders are beginning to reach Nebraska
sufferers
The saying "excuse haste and a bad
pen" has been attributed to a pig who ran
away from home
A Frenchman, intending to compliment
young lady, by calling her gentle
lamb, said, ''shc is one mutton, as is
small"
Quilp to Mrs. Dwell, how did you
like the sermon, my dear?" Mrs. 90
perfectly splendid! Such loves Of bon
netsi"
The way they manage it in England is
to dismiss any person in the employ of the
civil service who may give the newspapers
an item.
Don't discuss the testimony with cat
in your lap, or if you seiW do it, don't get
SO excited as to rub the animals back the
wrong way.
In hat l. x~,sfo ux mat
whatever may be the experience of census
takers with others of her sex, is always
ready to tell her rage.
Meat me at the spelling match at Niue
| sic hail." was probably the invitation
written by one who stepped down on the
| first round
| The difference between a tale bearer
and sealingwax is, that sealing wax burns
to keep a secret, and the tale-bearer burns
to tell one.
"Jemims, said fashionable miss to her
friend, II think Charley Potts is perfectly
splendid; he can get on my gloves, and
wears spit-curls."
The boy, who ran away from school to
''go fishing all alone" and caught himself
in the hip, says he's got enough of fishing
on his own hook.
An instructor asked French girl why
beer in French was feminine. She replied
it was probably owing to the fact that the
boys liked it so well.
An exchange says, 1--WE will ride two
miles to see two brothers under twelve
years of age go to bed together without
having dispute about something"
1t is in vain to try to please all alike
Let man stand with his face in what di-
rection he will, he must necessarily turn
! his back on one-half the world.
A Springfield man recently took bath
in the dark. He managed well enough,
only he got hold of a piece of stove-black-
! ing instead of soap, with marked results.
"Now don't be rough" remarked per
son who had been arrested for thievery,
the other night. PRAY don't say am q
thief. BE polite and call me canal con-
! tractor.
! A boy, who will yell like Tartar if q
drop of water gets on his shirt band when
his neck is being washed, can crowl
/ through sewer after ball and think
nothing of it.
An hospitable and impolite combina-
tions of big-lettered posters on South
End billboard reads thus: Edwin
/ Booth! Take the Fall River Line to New
York boston Globe.
A small boy in New Haven made sen
sation for short time by quietly trans
! ferring card bearing the words take
one" from lot of handbills in front of .
store to basket of oranges.
7 An assessor asked woman how many
chickens she had, and. doubling her word,
proceeded 10 count them. She took him
10 the beehive, kicked it over, and invited
him to count the bees.-Nail
| Troy has resident ninety three years
old, who has been married SIX times His
name is John Smith ''Is not the mystery
solved" asks correspondent, las to
where all the John Smiths come from9"
Helen NJ. Cooke, writing verses for .
New York paper, says that kisses on her
brow are the richest diadem her woman's
soul aspires to wear. All right, Helen
Bring on your brow and take your dia-
dem.
I When a conductor on Syracuse car
shouted ''Ruggles street," the other night,
man WHO had been doing in the corner
started up and said: .Ruggles' treat!
Where's Ruggles? Show me Ruggles,
quick!'
A Boston weekly journal rejoices in
! seven female type-setters, who weigh alto
gether 1029l pounds So much fiat" in
well regulated Office indicates an over.
fondness on the part of the inmates for
''pi"
The new building of the New York
Tribune is nine stories high When .
man comes in and wants to know who
wrote that article, he is told that the au-
thor is on the top floor, with the elevator
broken.
A Connecticut girl patiently listened
to a long declaration of love, pathetic and
proposing from young man, and then
kicked the poetry all out of him by say
ing, Nov let us talk about your business
affairs"
An old riverman said Mark Twain had
no genius for plotting, but if he could
have been supplied with steamboats, when
learning the business, he could have clear
ed the river of snags; he never missed
One.-Naii
A man who found it difficult to keep his
footing on walking home from convivial
party, explained that he had just had his
shoes mended, and the soles were slippery.
Yes" said friend, ''you had 'em fixed
by sherry cobbler."
On recent trial in Wales to test the
validity of u will, it was proven that in
1869 the testator became impaired in intel
lect to such an extent that he went to the
post-office with postage stamp on his
forehead, and requested to be sent to .
place he mentioned.
The man who wrote this was not with
out poetry in his soul: "You may 60 ON
inventing washing machines for the next
fifty years, but to tie average eye you
can't patent anything equal to lady's
diamond ring flashing in and out of tho
sparkling suds as she thumps wet towel
up and down the washboard."
Mr.. Augustii Daily, the New York
theatrical manager, says that In Paris he
has seen ''colored spectators sitting side
by side with duchesses," and he doesn't
| spe whv the same thing NAV n0t ~ f3oya