The workingman's advocate. [volume] (Chicago [Ill.]) 1864-1877, 1875-03-06
WIT AND WISDOM.

1
ia the vicissItndes Of this life, if YOU NAV
not some day want it," The old zen
tlemen had to cough look learned aad 20
away, when the youngster answered more
logically. "It ! eat 1t, how can have il
when want it III Tins Is the result Of a
learned Judge having children.
One Of the boys Just before returning 10
Cornell, the other day, sent young lady
friend of his a cake of Lubin finest variety
't toilet soap, with the request that she
would draw no inference on receiving such
gut. The next day the young man was
somewhat astonIshed when he received q
letter from q young lady containing the
present OF a ne-tooth comb, with the re-
quest that he would draw no inferences
therefrom.
Bishop Ames tells story Of slave mas.
Ter In Missouri, in the oIden time az nagro
VASsAIage, whO said to his chattel Pom
Pey, hear you are great preacher. 'vea.
tnsssa, de Lord do help me powerful soraa-
times We'll, Pompey llon't you think
the negroes steal little things on the Dian.
tation Use mighty 'fraid they does.
msssa- Then, PomPey, | want YOU 10
preach sermon to the negroes against
stealing. A-ter brief reflection. Pom
pey replied You see, massa, dat would
never d., cause 'twould trow such a
col ness over de meetin'."
Dubuque boy was rather troubled for
lesr that ne would not know his father
when they both reached heaven, but his
mother eased him by remarking "Au
you nave TO do ~ to look for an angel with
a red nose on him."
Deacon Stiles was a Millerite. hut hs
tailed to convince his wife Of the trutb NJ
MS doctrines. On winter night he awoks
her exclaiming; "Arise. gifel | hear
the chariot wheels Of God" Lie still VAN
old fool, said the practical wife she
Lord wouldn't be round here on wheels
with such good sleighing"
An editorial notice Of a woman's vr,carv
store read as follows "Her tornatoes M
a. red as her own cheeks her indigo a.
olue A. ner own eyes. and Ter pepper a.
hot as her own temper"
a Michigan paper rscentle l .t.l an
obituary notice with the misouotati,,s.
Though dead, he yet squeakeih." The
printer. apparently, Wasn Ininain., his "
and Is.
Congress picks AZ the nswspapers but
then the journals ska Congress- 10 A..
publishers and editors have the best N
the grand nstional bshy game II ut for
tat.
Il i related # a certain minister wb
was ntted Ia. his long sermons with many
divisions, that one srs;y,r-. shcn he was aa-
vanclng among his tessss, 7r reached NJ
length kind Of resting place fTr-aass.s--s.S- assS-
course, when, pausing 70 take breath ne
asked the question, And what shall say
more voice from the congregation
earnestly responded, say Amen 4
During severe storm which occurred At
night, the wife Of hill farmer 49, auak-
ened ny the crashing sound produced bv
the iall If tree She ,sykg her LuSbarJ
by the exclamation Get up guder.an. s,re
enough this is the last day Lie stiu
woman, replied her impatient lord .uha
ever heard o the last day comm in the
middle q the night AZ
fattmg It delicately. An ,rish,,,sn " NJ
mad been doing some work for gentleman
vas given small portion II whisLev
This he speedily swallowed. He then
looked 1t the glass aud said. Can w hun-
OF tell me Why they make them glasses an
nate The gentleman gave him the infot-
nation how glasses vas blown. Arr,b
sure, thin, said Paddy, he must have
been mighty short I the Wind that blew
that glass
A man may have a thousand intimate
scqhaihtances, and not friend among
them all II YOU have ong friend tbint
yourself happy
Mems lives ia Juld be Ike seasons agloW
with promises, and the Autumn rich With
golden sheaves, where good words Ana
deeds have ripened on the 6eld.
a veteran houSekeeper Aftrms that thg
scarcity OF good servants is largely attrib-
y table to the scarcity Of mistresses Ma
know how to keep house as one should Be
kept
An aPothecary sent an order 10 q trades
man Tor clock. He said he should prefer
one made by Tempus Fugit, a. all the best
CLOCKS IN hls neighborhood had that name
on the face
Sixty dollars for thrashing macbi1--'
exclaimed boy, when NJ sav ! car5 iii
Que for sale, why, mother only nav. two
dollars pair for her slippers.
In order to secure physical beauty
young girls are recommended to eat once a
day, pickles once week, and sweetmeats
once year take daily cold bath. and
walk hve miles every day.
As she rolled up her sleeves and looked
hard At big basket u tomatoes she ~
marked, There's get up, pay up. bang
up, 70 UP, step Up, and climo up, but here
goes for catsup.
lou Abe Linkum, tell Ben Butler ~
bring Llssus Grant ia out % dat sun dia
minnit, Or III tan you to death. Dat
chile might git sul stroke for ali YOU Frog
town niggars ud keer
Ny dear, said 4 wife u hel husband
do you know what Is the nost eurious
thing In the world f' Yes. madam
grutfiy answered the brute, 1.-THE most
curious thing in the world is q woman that
ia not curious"
An English clergyman exclaimed I'M a
company u his fellow preachers "Ah.
well, there Il only one thing in our minis-
tratlons more trying 70 me than preach
ing. Indeed, they said, "and what IL
that Hearing any one else do 10.
he replied
At a recent trial the clerk raad N.
courts verdict al follows.
Esive dollars and costs
IN the cAse u John Wade
he 70 stand committed
Cntil IL Is paid"
= gypsy came 70 Brigham Young with 4
pony Tor sale. Why, the beast is half
starved, SAID Brigham. RAINING his hand
over the pOnys side You cvn count m.
rlos. That's more'n chap can do with