Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-09-30
An Amateur Farmer.

A MAN named Cary came down to our
country short time ago and bought a
little farm just below us on the river. He
didn't profess to know much about farm
ing, and the most wonderful stories have
been floating about concerning his per-
formances. Cooley. related some of them
to me the other day, but, ofcourse, allow
something for eXaggeration. He said:
"Well, Cary's just the most phenom-
email agriculturist in the State Do you
believe that he actually came over to ask
me if he ought to plant mashed potatoes
in hills or SOW them broadcast; and when
L asked him what he was going to plant
them mashed for, he said that he preferred
that variety for the table to eat with gravy.
Then when he put in his corn what does
he do but buy eight or ten gross of boxes
OF white felt cOrn-plasters and sprinkle
them around over the fields as a fertilizer,
after which he set out out four dozen Fa-
ber's black lead-pencils in the garden
next to the asparagus bed. When he told
me about it he said he was convinced
that there was money in raising lead pen
ellis, provided you took great care in har-
vesting the crop; but he said he couldn't
tell for the life of him how they grow
those square pieces of india-rubber with
which you erase lead pencil marks. He
said he'd planted some in corner of his
long field, but they hadn't come up, and
he thought maybe the seed might have
been bad. Awful, isn't 1t?
"Then on Thursday he asked me what
time of the year plowed for heifers, and
when l came to inquire / found he
thought heifer was some kind of an
amazing potato When [ corrected him
he began to tell me how he had been try
ing to swarm oysters by daubing molasses
on a hive and beating on a tin pan with a
stick. 1t was only the other day asked
him why he didn't put up worm fence
on the north side of his pasture, and he
told me he wasn't afraid of worms. They
couldn't hurt him, and he wasn't going
to the expense of building a fence to keep
them out. The ignorance of that man is
simply scandalous. l believe he's capa-
BILE of planting parasols so as to raise
crop Of umbrellas. You can't never count
on man like that.
"Why, | actually found him out in the
woods with an anger boring an oak tree,
and he said his hired man told him that
was the way they got soft soap. Itran up
with the sap and bulged out when hole
was made. When I discouraged him from
trying any further he walked across the
field with me and told me that he had two
thousand dollars buried in his cellar be-
cause he understood that compound inter
est doubled money in eleven years, and
he was going to keep his where it was
safe and let it double in peace. Then he
asked me if [ grated my eggplant trees
or just let them grow as they were and
waited till the fruit got red before knock
ing it off with pole.
"He said this thing Of farming con-
fused him like the mischief. When he
first planted potatoes he waited for the
potatoes to come out on the branches of
the vine, and after a while somebody told
him that they grew on the roots. oWhen
his tomato vines grew he imagined that
the tomatoes also were on the roots, and
ne dug every vine up to hunt for the
omatoeS and spoiled the whole crop. He
old me yesterday that he was going to
ut down his apple trees to-day and run
hem through the threshing-machine to
hresh off the apples, and I'm just on my
way over to see how he does it. Good
morning. "-NaG AdeJer, IN ". 7. Weeklu.
THE American family shotgun, stand
ng in the corner of the bedroom, hasn't
lain quite its average number during the
asst month, but among its victims have
cen some very promising children.