Burlington weekly free press. [volume] (Burlington, Vt.) 1866-1928, 1875-10-22
HERE AND THERE.

when man wants plug OF tobacco. the
grocery three-fourths of mile of is only I
step but if his wife wants drink of COO
water from neighbor's well opposite, BY
some mysterious sgency that well suddenly
becomes removed more than half mile
away. f.e
The Norwich Bulletin says: "Connec.
ticut people are BEGINNING to object to the
sale Of forty-rod whiskey in Rhode Island,
on the ground THAT it kills out Of the
State. s,..t
| 4" He builded better than he knew" re-
marked . shoemaker's wife about 9 o'clock
in the morning, as she nervously grasped
one Of bis pegged-sole bosts in her right
hand, and patiently waited for the sound of
his football on the stairs.
The Chicago Tribune contributes the fol-
lowing 80 What religion am 1 eh p said
driver on Randolph street car, Wall,
I'm kind o. limited Univarsalist.' Linn
tied Universalist p responded his querist in
amaze, if you're Uniyersslist at all, you
must believe that every one'll be saved
know, know replied the man Of brakes,
most every one'n be saved, but of course
there's got to be exceptions, like there is to
every general rule. 1t stands to reason
faint likely an all-merciful Father'd save
them draymen as always crosses a down
grade of student, or the woman that talks
on tue crossing with her panier turned to US
till the cars gone BY and then halls it and
scolds the driver, or the man who stops the
car in the middle Of block and then gets
on again because he's made mistake. No,
Sir, p'raps of course they'll stop the celes-
tial car for them cattle, but eff they do you
bet they'll have to hang on by the brake
iron. No seats for them, guess. Car p"
Ten minutes after the arrival of the fast
mail train this forenoon series of terrific
squeals sailed into the depot, which had
been left ten miles back by the engineer,
where he struck bewildsred porker who
was walking along the track.-Srdeuse
Journal.
At Macon, Ga, few evenings since, a
woman trounced man handsomely for sew
eral minutes, and then made the discovery
that it was not him for whom she was look
ing. He WAS a bachelor. and the affair has
banished all thoughts Of matrimony from
his head.
A Patchogue woman kept her mouth pried
OICu iOi SIA AOuIS OIQcI 70 CEIt gun
boil, and she hasn't been able to shut it
since. Her husband is believer in special
providences.
Two sisters have bought a paper in Mar
tinsville, Pa. and are publishing vigorous
editorials urging the young men to marry.
The New Orleans Republican states that
warehouse in one of the Philadelphia build
ingS will be set apart for the reception of
centennial poetry.
A hotel in Kansas has the following no.
tice displayed in the bedrooms. Z" Gentle
men wishing to commit suicide will please
take the centre Of the room to avoid stain
ing the bed linen, walls and furniture with
blood"
A jury composed Of colored men, al Bos-
sier, La, few days since, after being out
for some time, returned and handed in the
following finding indorsed on the indict-
ment We the verdict find the jury
guilty"
A New Orleans man committed suicide,
recently, because his wife was in the habit
of marching up and down the bedroom all
night and tapping him on the head with an
iron poker every time he fell into q
doze.
The latest discovery in Pompeii is that
of figure of q woman lighting a fire in
q eook-stove. while her husband Is asleep
in bed. Nothing of the lost arts about
that.
% Bless you," said John Henry, with
tears in his eyes, d" she takes her own hair
of so easy that perhaps she doesn't know
how it hurts to have mine pulled out"
An Indiana ma1 said to Bible agent
d" I'm Christian. but III be hanged if
don't have to grit my teeth when the Ohio
river is on a level with the top OF my
corn
Stumbling into his room, he sat down on
the edge Of the bed and soliloquized thus
a. Feet wet, tight boots, sore on ons hand
an felon on t'other, and no boot-lack in
z'house. Sings got to be dii'rent. Ether
l mus get married, else get boot-jack /;
whishall do?'
A Western editor, thinking to stock his
depleted arder, advertised, Poultry taken
in exchange for ADVERTISING" The villainous
compositor seeing his opportunity TO pay up
a long-standing grudge, SET it up. Poetry
taken in exchange FOR advertising - and
since that time the offce-boy has been clear
ing so cents day from the waste paper
man.
lived with him nineteen years" says
an Indiana applicant for divorce, =" and all
the clothing he ever bought me was bunch
Of hsir-pins and toothbrush" You can
see by this what hard time shs had to keep
well dressed
The Boston Independent ChrOnieie. for
March II, 1898, contained the following
marriage notice 20 At Bedford on the 18th
inst, Mr.. James Wilson to the amiable Miss
Dolly Gason, both OF that place. after
long and tedious courtship." The paper
was not only independent, but prett free,
in that chronicle.