The Pacific commercial advertiser. [volume] (Honolulu, Hawaiian Islands) 1856-1888, 1875-08-28
About Ice Cream.
THE LOGIC OF NEUTRALITY-SUSPICIOUS. SOMETIMES
PASSES FOR TRUTH.

IASSES u lhtiH.
From the Detroit Free Press
lie slipped into an ice-cream saloon very softly,
and when the girl asked him what he wanted, he
replied:
"Corn beef, fried potatoes, pickles and mince
pie"
'sThis is not a restaurant this is an ice-cream
parlor,'' she said.
Then why did you ask ME what | wanted
for? Why didn't you bring on your ice-cream ?"
She went after it, and as she returned he
continued
You see, my dear girl, you must infer-yon
must reason. 1t isn't likely that l would come
into an ice-cream parlor to buy a grindstone, is
it? You didn't think l came in here to ask if
you had any baled hay, did you?"
She looked at him in great surprise, and he
went on
"IfI owned a hardware store, and you came
in, | would infer that you came for something in
my line. | wouldn't step out and ask you if you
wanted to buy q mule, would ?"
She went away highly indignant. An old lady
was devouriDg Il dish of cream at the next table,
and the stranger, after watching her for a mo-
ment, called out
my dear woman, have yon found any hairs
or buttons in your dish?"
Mercy no - she exclaimed, as she wheeled
around and dropped her spoon.
"Well, I'm glad of it," he continued. ssIf
YOU find any just let me know"
She looked at him for half n minute, picked up
the spoon, laid 1t down again, and then rose up
and left the room. She must have said some
thing to the proprietor, for he came running in
and exclaimed
"Did you tell that woman that there we're
hairs and buttons in my ice-cream ?"
No, sir"
You didn't?"
mo, sir, 1 did not / merely requested her,
in case she found any such ingredients; to in
form me-"
Well, sir, that was n mean trick
My dear SIR" said the stranger, smiling
softly, " did you expect me to ask the woman If
she had found a crow-bar or q sledge-hammer in
her cream 1t is impossible, sir, for such articles
to be hidden away in such small dishes 80
The proprietor went away growing, and as the
stranger quietly supped away at his cream two
young ladies came in, sat down near him and
ordered cream and cakes. He waited until they
had eaten a little and then he remarked
Beg pardon, ladies, but do you observe any
thing peculiar in the taste of this cream ,"
They tasted, smacked their lips, and were not
certain.
docs it taste to you as if a plug of tobacco
had fallen into the freezer ?" he asked.
'FAh! kah!" they exclaimed, dropping their
spoons and trying to spit out what they had
eaten. Both rushed out, and it wasn't long
before the proprietor rushed in.
"See here, what in blazes are you talking
about?' he demanded. What do you mean by
plug tobacco in the freezer?"
My KIND TREND, L askeu the LADIES' II this
cream tasted of plug tobacco. l don't taste any
such taste, and / don't believe you used a bit Of
tobacco in it"
"Well, you don't want to talk that way around
here - continued the proprietor. My ice-cream
is pure, and the man who says it isn't tells a
bold lie!
He went away again, and a woman with a
long neck and a sad face sat down and said to the
girl that she would take a small dish Of lemon ice.
1t was brought, and she had taken about two
mouthsful when the stranger inquired
Excuse me, madam, but do you know how
this cream was made-haye you an idea that they
grated turnip and chalk with the cream?'
She didn't reply. She slowly rose up, wheeled
around, and made for the door. The stranger
followed after, and by great good luck his coat
tails cleared the door an instant too soon to be
struck by q fve-pound box of figs hurled with
great force by the indignant proprietor. As he
reached the curbstone he halted, looked at the
door of the parlor and soliloquized
There are times when people should infer,
and there are times when they shouldn't. L
suppose if had asked that woman if she thought
they hashed up q saw-mill in the cream she'd
have felt a circular-saw going down her throat"