South Branch intelligencer. [volume] (Romney, Va. [W. Va.]) 1830-1896, 1875-08-20
WE n ND III NOR.

g. nr Barnes whcr ni,.r:. ike wears
OF amc slept daring ser;non. Gni on
being jnhcl about it hr 81 friend. insist
cd lie had Ecnn awake all the time -
We'll. ;hcn." said his friend ''c..n you
tell me what the sermon was about:
"lc> can" he answered: lit WAS 81
boat half nj hour too i"N".
IVA very lopuacirus female witness.
whom the opposing counsel could not
siicnc" - f"r kept him ~ bay. that. hy
WAY OF h:o"b"atinG i:r he cXclai.nrrl.
"Whv WOMAN. there i brass enough in
your face to make KETTLE And
sauce enough III yours. she Immediate
~ rcjoincd. ito fill it,
IVA young man in Lancaster. Pa.
sent 4 dollar TO Z firm in New York who
advertised receipt to prevent bad
dreams. lie received i small slip ofpa-
per on which was printed. don't 90
TO Sleep
IVA little boy in one of the public
schools a few miles from Boston was re-
Gently complained Of to his teacher by
another teacher in the same building for
4 special instance fmislcmeanor. His
teacher told him that lie must inform
his mother that he had thus been com
planned OF, and state the cause Of the
complaint.
The next day his teacher said TO him.
Did You tell Your mother what | told
you TOP
"lcs M was the reply.
We'll. what did she sav?''
..Nhn S,;I q, Il,
teachers neck FOR her
OLp SOLDIERS SroEIEs.-Scvcral
powder hcgrimcd veterans gathered in a
certain police station the other evening,
says the Louisville COURIER JOURNAL.
10 keep out ofthc rain fora few minutes
and while there discussed the late war.
81 remember said one. that Il bull
let passed clear through George Grav's
body and never killed him
Il rccollcct." said another. that Il ball
lodged i'll Bill Payson's lung and never
was taken out. but lie lived
a. said = third, know we'll when the
doctors thought Henry Hills life was
gone up. rs Il mimic lodged within IN
inch OF his heart. but he lived"
Jake Johnson's head was pierced by
IMAM but one. These remarks produced
considerable surprise and excited speech
from all save tall, slim and sleepy in
dividual. who waited till his companions
concluded and thci, drawlcI. in piping
accents: Those fellows waS little
tough. l allow; but Jim Jones, who it
aside of me, was Sho! in the neck -
that his head jist hing by She skin"
Great heavens" calculated all
'yon don't mean to say lie lived. do
you?"
"Dh. no; he died." drawlcl slim and
sleepy.
LIZA slate pcncilwas lately extracted
from an Indianapolis lawyers car "';cr
having nestled i'll his heal fer II years.
The slate has not been found vet. hui it
Is barely possible that the naa los, the
pencil while doing n sum III his heal.
VERY Observation-Disclosures is now
living III Grccnbricr county. this State. Il
family OF children. eleven III number
six boys and five girls-wi:l the follow
ing remarkable christian names. and.
strange 10 relate. Mcjr i,,n"ntS o7r Truth
|W di''c "'W "pP"rcmiY. IN III" cnirym.1,
!!fg"h h"dM! The names ofthcr pro.
Hcny are rs follows: Lc,lona. Livaro.
l.ivcga. LOrcna. Luaizo. Lcancv. La"tca.
Laduro. Lconidas. Layuna and Ly,iaho.
The trouble with most people. who
may read these names will be to asccr-
tain which is which and who is who as
to the sexes ofthis strange enumeration.
f5J'"Gudesakc, man. said house.
wifcto All honest (airyman, whats this
we're dom till our milk moo? The last
got frac We there was ahoot 4 third ct
water "There ycrc wrarc, Mrs. Ma
clarcn," said the man; at inaun hac
been some ithcr body's milk We got last
time: mines aye half an half.'
IVA Frcnchman, having heard the
phrase. I've got other fish to iry.'very rca-
Oily learned its application. One eve
ming after cscorting young lady home.
and being invited TO walk III he thought
OF tho above expression. and excused
himself by saying. Il tank you--I must
90 cook some other fish"
IVA young lady teacher in Sunday
School i'll this city last Sunday caught a
boy smiling. She asked him. '.Wha
arc YOU laughing att" "Nothlng. num-
was the answer. 81 know better" said
the teacher, severely: "Now tell Inc
what it is Johnny looked frightened.
rs he muttcringly said, "I-I-s.scc yer
newspaper s-sticking out mum The
teacher sat down suddenly and arranged
things.-Yonh"rS Gt:~nc.
tV"FaitlI," said an freshman wlocould
not get into his cabin ut Ballinyarry.
his wife having turned the key upon him
1T $ meself that's regularly locked in
"ln r. cried his companion. ..in whcrc?..
"Why, in the street.
TIE PROELEN OF AGEs.-Thc little
Hartford girl who gave uttcrancc 10 the
following idea. was puzzline her mind
with problem that has bothered the
world for ages. She was rcprovcd for
some childish act, and, seating herself