The Pulaski citizen. [volume] (Pulaski, Tenn.) 1866-current, 1875-02-04
NOT HARNEssED.
BY COL. COATES KINNEY.

and he lives over about BowersVille.
John is a single Harness-to wit he is
a widowtr.
Bat John wanted to become a double
Harness again. So he came to Xenia
accounting. There was lady here of
the name OF Mary Taylor. Mrs. Tay-
lor Is a good-1ooking and agreeable
widow. John courted Mary.
1t Is not important to this case, only
the truth of history would seem incom-
plete without it, that we should men
ton the number of responsibilities to
be involved in the success of this court
ship. Mr.. Harness has eight children,
Mrs. Taylor four ; total twelve. A
start In the business of husbandry with
a dozen children capital is not FOOLS
start.
Mr.. Harness is no fool. So he did
not go fooling round. He canvassed
the situation with Mrs. Taylor, and
closed by asking if she felt disposed to
Harness for life. Mary said she was
slightly disposed.
Her four young Taylors were appro
priated round among her friends in the
east, and would not be in the way of
the eight little Harnesses exclusive
enjoyment of a stepsmother. John
used honeyed persuasions. He urged
his suit, and said:
ss Wilt thou, Mary ?" and she wilted,
saying
part Or words to that effect.
So they fixed the glad calamity
some weeks ahead. But every time
thew met-and they now met fifteen
times-they fixed it earlier. If they
had fixed the last time Just one day
before they did, this notice would not
have been written.
But we must not anticipate. The
wedding was finally fixed for last
Wednesday. Harness deposited trifIe
of currency in Judge Harper's Office and
received in exchange a document by
which the state of Ohio, SIS. {: greeting,
authorized this aforesaid John and
Mary to 'Ftrot in double Harness ESQ to
| word iD till death, divorce, or mutual
disgust should separate them. This
paper he took to the Rev. D. Juison
| Starr. pastor of our Trinity church,
and instructed him how it was to be
used and also when.
He then gave the prospectively har-
messed widow Taylor tokens of his
affection. He bought her a bonnet at
Day's-cost Sc. He made her Christ
mas gift of 81.
Afterward he went home. He was
happy. His eight little Harnesses were
| happy. There was coming wife and
! stepmother. He killed the fatted calf,
| fgurativeIy speaking. There was a
| wild fury of preparation. There was
enormous cooking. The neighbors all
around were furnished with the full
particulars, and the old women gos-
siped about and rolled it under their
tongues till they couldn't sleep. The
! young women contemplated it as very
fat thing, and the young men prepared
COW bells, rams horns, and such, in
| tending to make Harness wish he had
never been born, to say nothing of be-
ing married.
Meanwhile Mrs. Taylor, who had all
along been an acceptable guest in a GER
tain Xenia household at a moderate
weekly stipend and her board, was OBJ
served to be in most hilarious process
of preparation. She appeared to face
the prospect of being Harnessed to
husband and eight children with a Sc
renity as beautiful to behold rs summer
sunshine on still waters by green pas.
lures. Not a wave of trouble rolled
across her peaceful breast. Her soul
went honeying on toward the approach
ing honeymoon with a sweetness that
made the kitchen work move along like
music. In point of fact, all went
merry as a marriage-ben."
But cloud arose on Tuesday morn
ing, at first not bigger than mans
hand ; but before evening it darkeRed
the kitchen, and threw its gloom into
the front part of the house, and finally
broke in tears. She could not contain
the secret any longer. She had that
morning received letter from an old
lover, long given up for hopeless, now
in Illinois, inclosing a railroad pass, and
telling her to come forthwith to his
yearning bosom and be his own dear
Mary necessarily thereafter.
Mrs. Taylor cried and asked advice,
and then cried. It was not a case for
advice, however. So, all at once, she
made up her own mind. She wiped her
tears away and smiled in a loud voice.
She decidedly said that she would not
marry John Harness. She would not be
stepmother to eight small Harnesses.
Mary declared that she would not throw
herself away in that manner, not If she
knew herself. And she remarked that
she rather suspected that she did know
herself.
She made the last remark as if she
meant it for a joke. But she didn't
she was in dead earnest, for by the next
mornings (Wednesday's) train, she
resolutely and emphaticaly passed
away on her railroad pass, and was
About noon Wednesday, John Harness
came prancing into Xenia. John was
dressed within an eighth of an inch oi
his life. He had on store clothes, per
fumed with peppermint. His face
shone as if he wanted to be an angel
His plug hat looked inspired. His hail
was CREASED down so close that he could
hardly get his feet from the ground
John Harness soul just went waItzinf
on.
Ah cruel fate But let us not an
ticipate, as before said. Mr.. Harness
approached the sacred abode of hi
adored one. He rang. He was smiled
into the parlor with rcurderous polite
ness. He was seated with maaslaught
erous courtesy. he was told that i
WAS fine day, with blood-thirsty affa
bility. With fendish gentility he wa
permitted to ask for his spouse. Will
assassinating blaudness he was informe(
of her sudden disqualification. Thel
/ the Harness broke. He did not weep
} This kind of thing was some thirty fee
too deep for tears. He Just merely
J said, at first, " NJ hm m-hm m-hm 7
/ Then he sat still, and looked as If h
, was interviewing his secret soul. a
length he remarked "M'hm well
/ ! if she is that kind of woman, I don
I want her. Left this morning, did she
{ M'hm cost me some money, though
} Had three women cooking for a week
! Big supper. Well, must push ont
: Be more'n hundred people there wait
ing for us when 1 get home. Mhm
T Look here, if you see Mr.. Starr yoi
Q tell him If he can make any use Of ther
: papers he can have EN-. Well, I mus
e push out.
8 And John Harness pushed ont 70
= home. How he faced his more than
= hundred guests IN -Harnessed as he WA
4 cannot be figured mp accurately ii
that out-township's return are all in.