, 1875-08-22
EIUNIOIf.

selves to hold anything else.
When mau has hohse-los on which he oan-
not pay the taxes he has site too much.
stYou must not put counterfeit nickel In
this box" said q street-car driver. ''1t Is not
fare."
A now brand OF foreisn perfume Is called
"Cupid's dart" Probably q reference to its
arrow-matic fragrance.
4 blind mendicant wears this inscription round
his ueck: "Don't be ashamed to gre only
haH-penny. can't see." "
California has had almost enough OF money
making miners aud ls now about to try ITS hhnQ
at new antnony-maklng mine.
"Did you hear the Barca-1nlle last night ?"
inquired young lady At Saratoga Of her country
escort s.No, 1dsd not, he answered, aleep
very soundly. and dogs never disturb me-"
Litt1e Alice Was crying bitterly. and, on being
questioned, confessed to having received. slap
from QUE OF her p!nyfellows. ''You shou1d have
retu1ned it. unwisely said the qnestioner. Oh,
returned it before, enid the lltrle girl.
A man ran across Court street the other day
I saw your name in the paper last hight"
'.Wby, hos'a that?" exclaimed the astonished,
but delighted cop. II haven't killed dog in
month"
4 boy in the suburbs tried to ascertain the
other day the sonndness OF the proYerb, :" Birds
of feather nocx together" He pluoEed the
old rooster down to single tatl-featber, md it
didn't dock at all but went and bid under the
barn. Thus is another old eaw smashed.
schoo1-mistress once asked pupil 10 tell
what word the letters double E spell. The child
was dull, aud 80 the MISTRESS cries: "What ia
it, you Ounce do With my eyes I" "Oh yes"
says the child, quickly taking the hint; ~ know
the word nov, ma'am-S donble E, squa'4!"
.Anoths. Beecher tzial?" eiaculated the sick
t~2 l. 1-n5r rntx z~1
wearlnese upon his face. "Anosher tfial!' re-
peated lis wife, gloonilv. well, Mary, he
replied, falling back on his pillow. you can dis
charge the doctor. guess l want to da."-
Brooklyn Argus.
An injudicious burglar worked fire hours, one
night last week, bu1rowlns into one OF the rail-
road buildings at Chester, and. after he effected
m entrance, exhausted, perspirin9, and proiane,
he had his choice OF stealing hand-caI or dis
abied freight caF-truck. Long, long hours after
he had paased out OF sight down the railroad
track, the people Of Chester could hear him
swear-Bur9lngton Howkeye.
George Washington couldn't tell q lie, and
thats what ails tbs average Vicksburg boy. be
other tav, when one Of them accidentally broke
q pane Of glass in a store window, it was touch
Ing to see him walk traye1v into the store and
up to the merchant and say: "Mr. Blank.
broke pane Of glass in window there. and
you can charge it to the old mans account.
never know the di1elence!"
McParis had prepared himself for home din
ner to his liking. He sat down in his dining
room ut peace With all tho world. and said,
Now, Hannah, bring the cold mutton. No hot
meat for me this weather." Hannah hesitated
away, sir" 'Girs 1t away! Giro my dinner
away2" "Yes. s,r. Yoa said il any tramrs
called was to give them the cold shoulder."
McFaris took some OF his wife's chops instead,
but be believes Providence has mysterious
way Of caring for the poor.
+. One of the Colorado cattle-kings WAS recently
visited bv an old college friend who frequently
oveEtsxed his hosts memory by using Latin quo
tatio1s long forgotten BY reason Of diause. One
day tne Western man got even with his pedantic
guest. Pointing to an immense herd Of fine
Young cattle in prime condition for the market,
the visitor said: You must hsve had good luck
siuce you commenced stock-raising 2" t'Yes,"
replied the bost, s'it Is due TO my luck that can
say Hinc ill9 lachrymm' in looking At my
hords." - What do You mean ?" asked biz as
tonished guest. why, don't you see? Hence
these steers"
Mushrooms and toadstoo}s are confusing OBJ
iects in fields. You can tell how many years old
they are BY eawing Oh their heads aud counting
the rings On the top of the stuff. No. Tn think
ing of oaks. Oaks are a1ow growers Nnsh-
rooms and toadstools are not It is important
to know the difference between toadstools and
mushrooms; but it is not wolth while trying to
learn this difference, unless you belong to very
1ong-lived family, and don't object to being poi
soned at the end 1t takes years to find out, and
authorities differ. The only sure test is to eat
ono. II you live, it is . mushroom. II you die,
1T is toadstoo1.-6L Nicholas.
Punch brings OVER the following good thing On
the weather:
Twas the voice Of the Bunahade heard her eom-
plain,
sim Of no use at al. for we've nothing hut
Bright Sol is deposed by the Demon Of Damp,
And I'm put In the ahade BY that odioua Gampi"
Stout atnRhasn laughed loud till her Ibis scanned to
split:
:" Aha Madame Upstazt you're lo1cercd = bit.
Yor dluntings and dl1tinRB with Phoehus ara oye1;
warned you tho god was = changeable loverI
Hobo hut you used to look down upon me
A. the symbol Of Dowdineea Fiddle~dee-deei
No doubt your supreme self conceit, Miss, 1t ye1aa
To see me the fayorite friend OF both sexes;
In the sunshine ct fortune upstart and proud,
What poor thing Jou Are, now you're under
cloud"