The Forest Republican. [volume] (Tionesta, Pa.) 1869-1952, 1875-09-08

and sat there for an hour, scowling at
the scenery.
One day Colonel Fisk was showing
Mr.. Travers over thaPlymouth Rock,
the famous Long Branch boat. After
showing the rest of the vessel be poin-
ted to two large portraits of himself and
Mr.. Gould, hanging a little distance
apart, at the head of the stairway.
"There says the Colonel" what do you
think of them?" They're good, Colo
oel-you hanging on one side aud
Gould on the other; first rate. But,
Colonel" continued the wicked Mr..
Travers, buried in thought, "w.where's
our Savior?' Mr.. Travers, who is
vestryman in Grace Church, says he
knows it was wicked, but he couldn't
have helped it if he'd been on his dy-
ing bed.
30, Lord, thou knowest," prayed
Connecticut deacon, "that am afflict-
ed with a most impious and depraved
son. Thou knowest that he will swear,
and lie, and steal, and do all sinful
things. Thou knowest that on last
Sabbath he was seen walking down
the prircipal street in the village, with
his hands in his pockets, whistling the
following ungodly tune and the
congregation were as:ounded to hear
"Yankee Doodle" flow melodously
from the deacon's pursed-up lips.
When a boy succeeds in convincing
his mother that he was not swimming
in the river-that his hair was made
wet by Precipitation while "helping
Bill Timmins to catch chicken Just
now"-you might just as we'll try to ex-
plain the Scheswig- Holstein question
as to undertake to describe the awful
expression Of that boys face when his
mother subsequently, discovers that he
has on another boys shirt.
A Detroit bachelor, not rich, but
industrious and respectable, entered
the house of respectable widow on
Baker street, the other day, and said !:
"Mrs. Blank, I'll give you just three
minutes to say whether you'll be my
wife or not" II only want fifteen Sec
onds-yes % she answered, and then
they sat down and began, TO plan how
many tomatoes they would can this
summer.
A father fearing an earthquake in
the region of his home, sent his two
sons to distant friends until the peril
should be over. A few weeks after,
the father received this letter from his
friend: "Please take your boys home
and send down the earthquake"
One morning a little four-year.
boy lay awake in his crib. His head
seemed to be stopped with cold. Af-
ter vainly suffering for while to
clear it, he exclaimed: Mamma,
what is the matter with one side Of
my nose Pit won't CO."
"The greatest obstacle to being he
roic is the doubt whether one may not
, be going to prove ones self fool.
The truest heroism is to resist the
doubt, and the profou ndest wisdom is
to know when it ought to be resisted
and when to be obeyed."
When the Rome On. Y.) Sentinel
gives advice, it always has an eye on
the main chance; as, for instance,
when it says: "When the weather is
: such that you can not work in your
hay field, sit down and renew your
subscription.
: Nebraska planted twelve million
trees last year. This may seem a
small number as compared with Ne
braska's necessities, but it must be re-
membered that four horse thieves can
. be hung on each tree.
A young man in Lancaster sent
9 dollar to firm in New York, who ad.
vertised a receipt to prevent bad
dreams. He received a small slip of
| paper, on which was printed, "Don't
. 60 to sleep"
, The model husband lives in Phila-
delphia. He never allows his wife to
do more than half the work. She puts
v up all the canned fruit in the summer,
and he puts it down in the winter.
You can travel all day in New
Hampshire and not find any door.
4 plates, but then the kitchen floors are
4 as white as chalk and all the girls can
J. bake bread.
Barnum's new fat woman demanded
u more salary the other day, and when
0 it was refused, she went right away
and hired to play the piano in a sa'
J. loon.
: A man who was up in police court
. recently, gave his occupation as that
: of "conchologist, and explained by
y saying that he opened oysters at mar
= ket