The Albany register. [volume] (Albany, Or.) 1868-18??, 1875-04-16
SOBER AS A JUDGE.


SOBER AS JUDGE.
1 don't carer say it, and stick to
it, and, if it were necessary, I'd swear it
on the biggest testament or prayer-book
that was ever used for taking an oath
upon in any court of justice in the king
dom.
You say it's all nonsense, that it was
imagination, that I didn't see 'em but,
in the name of all the wise men IN the
East, how the dickens can you know
You can tell what you see, but that's no
reason why you should be able to tell
what L see. My eyes were never in your
head any more than yours were in mine.
So I say it again, and III maintain it
through thick and thin, round or solid,
that / saw those two as plain as eyes
could see them, and that they were there.
This is how it was. Jack Bigley had
just done walking his wards at Fawkesl's.
His governor had come down stunning,
bought him a share III an old country
practice, and Jack was off to mend
broken legs, hniment old women's rheu-
matics, and to take little strangers
whom, as q matter of course, he would
dig up with a golden shovel from under
the large plantation of rose bushes in his
back garden-snugly in his coat-tail
pocket to all the married couples in the
district who needed supply.
He was always good fellow, was
Jack; and many's the jolly night he's
had in my room in Double street,
Borough. I'll bet anybody a sovereign
even money that there isn't man living
who could brew such good punch out of
bad spirits as could Jack Dingley.
Oh, the loo we've had, and the rubbers
we've played the oysters we've eaten,
and the songs we've sung long after mid
A-,1 <Nf
gone down to the hospital with buz-
zing In the head and sensation as of
sick millstones going round and round.
who could ever eontrive better than Jack
pleasant little pick-me-up In the dis
pensary? one which really did pick you
up, you know, stand you upon your feet,
and set you going wound up tight for
the remainder of the day
Jack took me by the sleeve one morn
ing In his last week, just before we were
going into the theater, where old Bogus
was going to perform his celebrated
operation of removing a mans head
without chloroform-his operationg you
know, for turned brain-and whispered
To-night-eight sharp-tripe and
i. onions.
OF course I went, and was there to
the minute. Tripe Yes, 1 should
think there was tripe, and hot potatoes
IN Bn6E lAChobS 1OIlE sRES<1G O1S416s3 O1
oyster@fat little natives, mind you
none of your shabby Scotchmen, sprawl
ing all over spongy shell. There was
the biggest lobster / ever saw a splen-
did salad a whack of picked salmon
and, Just as I entered the room where
the supper was spread ont, the fellow
from the pub round the corner was just
putting a bright pewter pot of porter,
with a head on it Like caulihower, at
III, fIsaxx oil
ready seated-seyen, and place left
/ for me.
That was supper-the remains We're
not worth nuch-and the noise we had
made over it was only the overture to
the play about to begin for no sooner
was the table cleared than Jacks big
spirit stand was fetched out kettle of
hot was singing ON the hob; the waiter
brought In lemons and sugar, pipes and
tobacco Jack put his cigar-box beside
them and then, while we religiously
set to work to fill the room with smoke,
Jack slipped ont into his bedroom, re-
turned with his wash-hand basin, which
ne swore was perfectly clean for the oc-
casion. andein it brewed the biggest
jor71m of punch ever saw in my Life.
It wasn't too big for us, for we went
again and again, Jack g face beaming as
he ladled out the steaming compound.
And then the harmony Talk about
making the weIkin ring You should
have heard MS make the glasses ring till
somebody IN the next house hammered
at the wall when, taking it for applause,
we Immediately sang him Rambling
Dan. with the 8 Ha hal" chorus, and
the five Hurrahs - at the end of every
verse. You mayn't know the song, but
e is always sung with full orchestral
acoompanimept-p poker, shovel and
4,,r,s +1arr,oona on the edges of glass