Wood County reporter. [volume] (Grand Rapids [i.e. Wisconsin Rapids], Wis.) 1857-1923, 1875-05-13
ITEMS OF INTEREST.

SOME Staten Island workmen recently
found SIC, 900 in sewer. Wealth comes
slowly but sewerly to the industrious if
they know enough to keep mum over a
good find.
A CORRESPONDENT wants to know
what attenuated satisfaction" is. The
only probably correct answer to this
which occurs to US is kissing through q
yeil.-St. Louis Republican.
APROPos of the kissing discussion,
here is Oliver Wendell Holmes defni-
ton Of a kiss: "The twenty-seventk
letter Of the alphabet-the love-labial
which it takes two to speak plainly"
IT was an Irish Coroner who, when
asked how he accounted for an extraor-
binary mortality in Limerick, replied,
sadly: II cannot tell. There are people
dying this year that never died before. y
SEwNG-MACHINE men and life insur-
rance agents don't want to say word
for six months to the man who walked
eighteen miles to call for an advertised
letter, and found it was printed adver-
Using circular.
a VERY religious old lady being asked
her opinion of the organ of a church,
the first time she had ever heard one, re-
piled: at is a very pretty box of whis-
ties, but OH it's an awful way to spend
the Sabbath"
THE San Francisco Bulletin predicts
that the time will soon come when every
farmer will cure his own fruit and store
it away as he does his hay, the drying
apparatus forming part of every we'll
regulated farm outfit.
A CERTAIN physician would never keep
carriage, Notwithstanding his large
practice, and is made responsible for the
mot: of a doctor drives one horse it
indicates physical weakness; ifhe drives
two, mental weakness"
MoNCURE D. CONWAY says that British
newspapers, while they may not support
the wrong, will frequently suppress the
truth for policy's sake. What a comfort
to reflect that nothing of that kind is
ever done in this country!
A READING pa fellow announces his
intention to make an ascension during
the coming summer, and when two miles
above the earth jump from the balloon
and depend upon a parachute to bring
him safely to solid ground.
A YANKEE editor says: IF the party
who plays the accordion in this vicinity
at nights will only change his tune occa-
sionally, or sit where we can scald him
when the engine has steam on, he will
hear of something to his advantage"
NOTHING makes a man feel more des-
olate than TO return home from a fash
ionable wedding and have his wife yell
at him as soon as he gets inside the door
" Come, now, jerk off them fine buds as
quick as you can, and fetch me scuttle
of coal"
TITS proposed that everybody, man,
woman and child, plant an elm, oak, ma
pie or some other good tree on the
ground where he lives this year, as a
centennial offering to those who may
the same.
OBSERVATION-DISCLOSURES -"Say, Mick,
there goes your mother. She's been
after pickin' up bit O. wood for the
fire." Mick" Faith, and why shouldn't
she? The ould lady's gettin' on in years
and likes to have her little comforts
about her"
HAVING AN EYE TO BUSINESS. young
ster who had had several teeth extracted
was comforted by the dentist with the
assurance that they would come again
With an eye to the Immediate future
little Johnny inquired: "Will they come
again before dinner?"
THE country is suffering under an in
crease Of that class of mendicant dead
beats known as tramps. How to cure
this evil is a question that anxiously dis
turbs the economists Of the Eastern
States. The treadmill ought to be re-es-
tablished-Inter-Oce
IT Is said that the stock of played-out
war songs and sentimental soldier dit
Ties 1c1G on music uSdlGIS' uduIAS Wy I1O
termination of the rebellion is enormous
The question is, wouldn't it pay the hold
ers to work up another war to get them
off?-Cl7acGnnGtG Commercial.
A BAD little boy, upon being promised
five cents by his mother ifhe would take
a dose of castor oil, obtained the money,
and then told his parent that she might
castor oil in the street. He will make a
humorous newspaper paragraphist one
of these days.-B0St07a Courier.
THIS is the way the Salt Lake Herald
does UP a Mormon seer: His name was
Stewart and he said that a revelation
from God directed him to stop Kansas
Pacific train near to Perry Station, and
so he rode his horse upon the track just
in front of the locomotive. The train
stopped, the man was taken to Perry and
the horse never knew what hurt him, but
Stewart may recover, and probably won't
have any more railroad revelations"
IN former times one of the supposed
characteristics of fishes was that they
-.