The Grange advance. [volume] (Red Wing, Minn.) 1873-1877, 1875-11-10

SAu~he3 SAO"AA6 AAVot 'A'AOAy W WAAV Ill
infinitesimal extreme the dangers Incl.
dent to telescoping may be reduced
IRREGULARITIES.
The stove was cold and the kettle wouldn't boil,
So she tilted the can and poured on little oil;
Gone to meet tie man who blew out the gas.
The fast train telescoped hog in
Hague street, yesterday, and threw the
squeal mile distant.-Daebury Neacs.
A Pennsylvania printer who is the
father Of twenty-six children, is puzzling
himself to account for the hard times.
1t is warm for the season around the
Leader Office Of Cleveland, Ohio. The
man and woman Of whom the Leader told
that she sawed his leg off are making it
warm.
A Brooklyn girl is engaged to be maj
ried TO an Italian Count, and in the course
of four or five years she may be looked
for on the street with a hand-organ play
ing the usual tunes.
Florida papers report an almost total
failure Of the sponge crop, while North
ern free-lunch saloon clerks say that there
are more sponges around this fall than
they ever saw before.
Nothing makes Georgia man so mad
as to run block after Thomas to Dor
row money Of him. to find that he is
Jones, creditor who has been threaten.
ing to sue. - Detroit Free Press.
When a citizen of Rochester is blown
into the dreamy hereafter by kerosene
lamp explosion the gas company officials
grimly remark: 'Comes o. fighting agin
honest monopoly
Some young men in Louisville have
formed an "anti- lift-y our-ha to-a- woman
society," Now let the Louisville young
ladies form an ''anti-bow-to.a-puppy so.
ciety.'-Nev York Herald.
A Detroiter, who has taken a great in.
terest in the fate of Donaldson, thinks
that balloonists should have a telegraph
attachment to the car, so that in case Of
any fatal accident they could at once in
form the anxious public.
An Italian farmer once offered Victor
Emmanuel (not know ne who he was) a
molta, worth eight cents, to shoot fox
that nightly robbed his poultry yard.
The King turned out at three o'clock in
the morning, shot the fox, and received
the molta.
A correspondent writes to know why
we do not publish more original poems.
The trouble is generally that they are not
long enough. Most young writer's con.
fine themselves to twenty or twenty-five
verses, and the sentiment has no oppor.
| tunity for expansion.-Nor,cich Bulle.
! tin.
When anyone tells you that the maple
leaves are colored crimson by the frost.
tell him or her it's no such thing. The
leaves color in ripening and when the
frost is late enough to give the leave full
time to ripen their cclors are the most
brilliant.
An Erie canal boat captain, who had
been reading of Moody and Sankey, de.
termined to live better life, and calling
his crew around him he said: See here,
you lying, skulking, wicked, disgraceful
set, you've got to tend prayers every
morning or I'll lick the whole pile of you
in a heap!''
! Brigham Young says that a woman who
can t make dress out of eleven yards of
cloth will find Heavens gate too narrow
for her to enter. However, Detroit
women will use from eighteen to twenty
eight yards, and run the risk of squeez-
ing through the gate or of finding a lad
der to 60 over the walls.
A country girl near Utica mistook the
meaning of a young man who was looking
up pickers for his fathers hop yard, and
when asked if she was engaged, sweetly
ly said: ''Not yet, but always thought
it would be pleasant The young man
rode home quickly, and dreamed all night
of @'breach of promise trials.'' "
/ Look here, gentlemen, why this howl
against ladies' striped stockings? til
your solemn duty as respectable citizen
to walk along the street with your eyes
on level with second story windows, and
it s none of your business what kind of
stockings are shown on the cross walks.
Anything is preferable to a barefooted
woman. Detroit Free Press.
Jones had prepared himself for home
dinner to his liking. He sat down in his
dining-room at peace with all the world.
and said, Snow, Hannah, bring the cold
mutton. No hot meat for me this
weather." Hannah hesitated for min.
ute and said, "But done give it awav.
SIR "Give it away! Give my dinner
away?" eyes, sir. You said if anv
tramps called I was to give them the
cold shoulder"
Artemus Ward, we are told, used to
write with one leg over the arm Of 4
chair. That was humorous substitute
for pen.-St. Louis Globe Democrat.
No, sir; the hun,eras is in the arm, near
the funny bone,' although, perhaps.
there may be fun knee bone in the leg.
His reason for writing in this manner was
nrnhahlu tn make hic writino. ,oo.o las: